The Joe Rogan Experience - #1874 - Dave Attell

Episode Date: September 27, 2022

Dave Attell is a stand-up comic, actor, and writer. He can currently be seen in the series "Life & Beth" on Hulu, "Bumping Mics with Jeff Ross & Dave Attell" on Netflix, and "Crashing" on HBO. When not on the road, Attell makes regular appearances at the Comedy Cellar in New York City. www.daveattell.com

the Joe Rogan experience ladies and gentlemen David hey Joe thanks for having me on the show good to see my brother I always telling your guys before you showed up I was like I'm hoping there's other guests besides me because I don't

really think I'm interesting enough to hold the whole show. We can do it. You think so? Yes. Alright, I believe in you. I have zero worries. I'm glad you brought your straw. Thank you. And I'm also glad you brought your hobo sack. I'll show everybody. He's a comedy novice. That's how you travel.

That's all he brings. Fresh underwear and socks. That's it. Let's go. Good to be back in Texas. Good to see you. How was the Cap City? Did you enjoy it? It was awesome.

I mean, you and I back in the day played the old Cap City. Yeah. And that was definitely an iconic club. And this is the, I guess you can say, the reimagining of it. This is the Helium folks who do an amazing job. Exactly. The Helium folks are great. They really are. That fucking place in Philly is the shit. The one in Portland is the helium folks who do an amazing job. Exactly. Helium folks are great. They really are.

That fucking place in Philly is the shit. The one in Portland is the shit. All their clubs are fucking locked down. They're all solid as a rock. I totally agree with you. And they put a lot of work into it. And let's face it, this town, you know, people will come to a show. They really are great comedy fans.

And I'm, like, so happy that Cap City's open, too. I want as many clubs open as possible. I think it's sustainable. I think there's a giant comedy audience here. People really love it. They love live performance overall. There's a lot of live music that goes on here, a lot of live comedy, so we're happy.

Texas, I was going to say, Texas has always been on the road, like Houston, Dallas. Yeah, fun. San Antonio, these were always the hardcore comedy clubs, definitely where you couldn't wait to get there kind of shows. Yeah, the fun spots. I used to love Addison. That fucking improv was the shit. Awesome.

It still is. It still is the shit. Such a great club. Do you remember, what was it called uh in houston laugh stop the laugh stop that was the best that's where i learned to be a headliner that's what i always think that was the club where i really got it together and i was like i can hold an hour you know right here you know i did my first cd there oh you did yes well there you go yeah that place is magic that place was magic. I heard that that spot is still there, which I was like, Jesus Christ.

If that's the case, once we open up in Austin, I would love to open up a mothership in Houston. Oh, absolutely, man. If that place is still there, holy shit, that place is amazing. Yeah, it's always been like, you know, I remember it was like me, Hedberg, and Patrice. Like, we would all like rotate through there. And it was always like, if you ran into them, like, oh, man, and Patrice. We would all rotate through there. And it was always like, if you ran into them, like, oh, man, I was just at the stop. I was like, oh, it must have been awesome. And you'd be jealous.

Crazy-ass Mark Babbitt ran a hell of a club. He really did. A visionary. Oh, my God. He loved comedy. That's all it takes. It takes a crazy person that loves comedy who's willing to go all out. When the owner of the club or the manager gets it, and then it's not just like go all out when the uh owner of the club you know or the manager gets

it you know yeah and then it's not just like a beer and beverage you know this isn't a dave and busters this is like a real place like where people do something special yeah then you can always tell it feels it feels different you know and he also had that long running open mic they'd do in the front you know that front open mic was amazing you would get there at eight o'clock and the show would start and then they'd start an open mic around the same time and the open mic was amazing. You would get there at 8 o'clock and the show would start and then they'd start an open mic around the same time and the open mic would go to fucking 2 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. Constantly rotating comics in there. It was like

it was an exciting thing. And when that place went under it fucking you know it took a lot of the steam out of the scene. For sure. That's why your club and you're real close now. Real close. Yeah. Like that's gonna honestly that's a game changer especially for this town and for uh you know for all of us road people you know i'm a

club guy that's what i do i do clubs so i can't wait to see it i can't wait to get on that stage if i may you 100 will be one of the first people on that stage i'm gonna put up the bat signal that would be awesome send you in i it's uh it's exciting to be able to do it's exciting to be able to do it with no stress too to be able to do it the right way right and just have an amazing club set up for comics in the audience and just make it make it so that like we do our best in every corner uh-huh not fuck with people appreciate them treat them with respect oh mic's falling i'm good appreciate them treat them with respect like encourage-oh, mic's falling apart. I'm good. Appreciate them. Treat them with respect. Like, encourage people to work and give open mic nights. Yes.

Yeah, have things like that where you have plenty of time. And kill Tony and that kind of shit. You know, really encourage the community. Definitely. You got to, you know, when the club also supports the locals, it's not just like for the headliners. That's when you know it's like a real deal situation because, you know, these local scenes, like I was just in Nashville, that scene is popping. Here, of course, it's out of control.

And, you know, it's getting the locals, you know, on stage in front of a big crowd, you know. That's important. Getting them on stage in front of me, giving them those spots, like the Kill Tony spots. And I've had a few of those guys like Hans Kim and William Montgomery and David Lucas, who started in L.A., but he's out here now doing those shows with us there, too. They're exploding. And there's also a lot of room for other clubs, too. There's a lot of room.

There's so many comics here, man. Everybody who goes to these open mics out here, these guys who come, they go, dude, these kids are good. They're good and they're writing and they're energized. It's like it's an exciting time. And people are, like, really fired up about it. And you see, like, a real clear path to being a professional, which was always weird for us. Right.

Like, you remember the early days of open mic? There was no help. None. It was strange. I mean, I don't know about you, like, your, I guess, origin story. But, like, I had a job for, like, the first five or six years of comedy. but like I had a job for like the first five or six years of comedy. And like, I was such a bad comic that like,

I would sometimes go like, Oh God, I can't wait to get back to my day job. Oh man, I can't wait to eat a muffin at my desk. You know, it was like that kind of a thing. So yeah,

I know what these, these people go through. And even though there's like all these platforming and all that stuff, it'll always be the same. Like, you know, basically, uh, you know, whatever. I guess you could say the journey has many roads, many twists and turns.

The journey does, but at least this way I think there's a map of the landscape now. For sure. Whereas when we started, it was just you were hoping that someone would take you on the road or you were hoping that you'd get a road gig. You didn't know how to. And you're doing five, ten-minute spots in the beginning. If you're lucky, you get ten minutes, right? So then someone says, can you do 20?

And you're like, yes. But you really can't. Right, of course, yeah. So it's like you're opening a bar with at least ten bullshit minutes. And when you're in a town like I started in New York, Long Island, all that stuff, there was a lot of open mics. So I was lucky where you can go to one place, bomb, and then skid mark your way over to the next one and suffer there and then the next one. So you got a whole night of sadness, whereas some kids, especially West Coast, it's like, oh, I got a spot, one a week. And then they got to live with that kind of like trauma for a whole week.

It's better there now. It's better there now for the L.A. guys. You can actually develop in L.A. now. But in the early 2000s and the 90s, it was real hard. You couldn't get spots. Everybody was getting spots. Like TV stars and actors and stuff were getting spots. Yeah.

What year did you start? In the late 80s at the end of the comedy boom. Me too. I started in 88. Yeah. I was like 87, and I remember comedy had just died because I worked the door at the old improv in New York. That was one of the original comedy clubs.

Honestly, it was weird to be a doorman to no audience. You basically hold the door open. There's a guy out there. Oh, no. He's just- Was it a difference? Was there a big drop off in New York? I think that the comedy boom, like what you saw in Boston,

where every place was doing comedy shows, and there were so many great locals, just like hardcore killer acts. New York, that kind of didn't really. It dissipated, and then it kind of faded out, and a lot of these clubs kind of went down. And then, you know, we were just basically hanging on, you know, just learning to do comedy, you know?

So it was like, we didn't care. You know, if it was a big room, we still would have suffered, but still like the fact that there was like only 12 people in there, it almost kind of fit where we were in comedy, you know? I remember those days at Dangerfields. Did you do Dangerfields?

Yes, yes I did. Those were the best. Those shows where there was no one in the audience. I used to call that club the Humbler. If you ever thought you were doing all right, you go in there and they take you right back to reality. Do you remember Bobby? The big Scottish guy that worked at Dora?

Yes, I do. Yeah, I do. I saw Bobby pick a man up by his neck. Bobby would make his own weights. He would fill up these 10-gallon jugs with cement. He would make his own weights. Oh, cool. Yeah, he did a lot of wild shit.

Bobby was like this tank of a man. It was hilarious. It was a small club with a lot of big people in it. Oh, my God. It was tiny. It was like an elevator, basically. It was an amazing place. And then they had that big piano

in there. Yeah. And I was like, you know, where am I supposed to... I don't play the piano. What am I supposed to do? You know? You had to have a piano if you had class back then. Sure. Just in case. Class. This is a fucking real club. The improv used to have that problem. I'm like, why do we have a piano up here? Yeah. I would always say that to Rita. I'm like, Rita, look at

me. No one's playing a fucking piano. Craig can bring his own piano. He brings a piano sometimes. When Robinson wants to go up. What I always like with the improv piano is like, you can tell who was raised right. Who puts their drink on the piano? Like, uh-oh. You're going to leave a ring.

It's probably an expensive piano. Yeah, I don't know who uses it, but they got it there. Yeah, I like that club too. The Melrose Improv. I always felt really at home there. It's a great club. That club's great. That was my spot after I left the store in 2007. I was at the Improv all the time. It was great. That and the Ice House.

The Ice House I only played a couple times. Oh my god. It's magic. That room's magic. The Ice House is one of the most underrated clubs in the country. That's such a good room. The big room, when it's packed, oh, my God. That room's amazing. Do you, like, you know, you've got a family and everything. Do you still, like, having the time to go out every night and, like, you know, work on an act?

Well, my kids are young, so they go to bed right on the time I'm leaving. Yeah. Which is nice. So, like, I'm leaving, like, an hour before they go to bed. Okay. So there's a benefit in that. And at the store, it was even better. Because at the store, most of my spots were after 10.

So, I was leaving, like, they were well asleep. Yeah. But I'm leaving the house. And it's like, I could come home, too, and write when no one's awake. Oh, that's good. For me, it's come home, spark up a little, sit in front of the computer, and just sit there and just think. When everyone's asleep and the world's quiet, that's my favorite time to write.

You know, when everything was shut down, you know? Yeah. Like, the scariest thing was, like, I miss being on the road, you know? I miss being out there, like, you know, headlining and all that stuff, too. But what I really miss was, like, going to the Comedy Cellar in New York and going on and doing the spot. And whatever version of comedy they had, the outside, the behind the place,

of course I did it. But then there were times when everything was shut, and I was like, uh-oh. I'm starting to get used to not going out. And I got really scared. It was like one of those, like, where you're like, you know, maybe I don't need to go out anymore.

I've been doing this a long time. I'm an old guy, you know? Ron White went through that. Did he? Okay. I love Ron. Ron was out here and we hadn't done shows together. And it was like at least a year for me.

It was around eight months of no comedy at all in L.A. it was around eight months of no comedy at all in LA. And we had just started doing these outdoor shows with Chappelle. So I knew I had to freshen up. So I started doing shows at the Vulcan and Ron was going to do a Tony show at the Vulcan. And he's like, well, I think I'm retired.

I think I'm gonna take my boat and my fucking play golf and fuck it. I made a lot of money and I'm fine i'm fine with retiring so uh tony goes well just do like one show you just if you want to you can go do a set no pressure he's like all right man man i'll fucking think about i think i'm fucking retired the next day he's like uh so did you think about he goes yeah i'm prepared uh let's go i'm gonna do a set so he goes up and fucking Murders so Tony talks to his girlfriend and Ron had gone over his iPad He was fucking going over notes and listening to old recordings taking notes, and he went up there guns blazing And Ron white crushed and then he gets off stage. He grabs me by my shoulder

He goes whatever the fuck we have to do we're gonna keep doing this He goes whatever the fuck we have to do get your're going to keep doing this. He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do, get your fucking club open. Let's go, Joe Rogan. I'm like, God damn, Ron White. I love Ron, man. You know, he's like one of the few guys I know who is successful and really enjoys it. He loves it. He loves it.

He's great. He's always writing, too, man. He's always working on new shit. He comes down. We do those Tuesday and Wednesday shows at Vulcan. He's always coming down and working on new shit. Yeah, he doesn't have to do any of that. I'm sorry.

He doesn't have to do any of that stuff. It's just he loves the game. Well, you don't have to do it either, but you do it. It's the same thing, man. It's like these guys who just love the thing, the stand-up, the fucking thing. When you set up Punchline, boom, you wrote it. Now you're making it better it's killing it's like this is my new chunk like whoa i don't know if you've seen me lately i uh that's

very kind of you yeah no i would say that i'm in that moment now where it's like my crowd is so good like uh the people who've been like coming to see me for years now like they are so good all the different ways you want them like they love they love jokes. There's no line for them. You know, they don't want it. They don't want it dumbed down. They don't want it. They know I don't pick sides. And they know that it's about the joke

and that I'm trying to bring them new material every time. And they drink and they tip hard and they're good to the staff. So what more can I ask for, you know? That's the best. I'm a lucky guy. I'm very lucky. And anybody who works with me,

they always say the same thing. They go, Dave, your crowd is awesome. That's beautiful. You know, it's a great compliment. Well, it with me, they always say the same thing. They go, Dave, your crowd is awesome. That's beautiful. It's a great compliment. Well, it's because you're doing all the right things. You're doing comedy just for comedy. You're just having fun. And some of us fell apart.

Some of us fell apart in this wonderful world of what's okay to talk about, what's not okay to talk about, what's a joke, and what's not acceptable. It's like, come on. It seems like you and I have both done the west you know west east coast kind of like uh you you do your your show on the road and you're like there is no wrong and then you hit like a showcase show like new york or whatever and i'm old i mean i'm 57 years old and i am so i never try and be relevant but irrelevant is the word like they kind of go up there. It looks like I'm about to lead, like, a ghost hunting tour, you know?

They're, like, terrified. But, like, the moans and the groans and all that kind of stuff, I'm kind of getting used to it. You know, the choppy sea, as I call it. You know, the little, like, whimpers and, like, you know, cries of foul play. I mean, it's like, okay, that's how you guys react. I got to just deal with that. But it's nothing like them back

in the day when you knew immediately when you... I mean, there's not a plate of chicken wings coming at you. It's like, I mean, let's take it for what it is. For people who've done those prom shows at Dangerfields. Yeah, well, that's the thing. It's like, you know, the reaction

is different. But I would say the, and this probably scares you too the reaction the reaction is is different you know but i would say the and this probably scares you too is the cold silence of a young crowd you know where they're just basically you could see it in their head they're buffering they're trying to figure out what to how to react it's interesting because like there's a way to navigate those waters right but these are definitely new waters and if you are if you want to bring up controversial material there's certain people that aren't even going to listen to what you're saying. They won't listen to what you're saying.

What they want to do is just immediately react to a subject and bark. Right. They immediately want to, like, state their position on the subject and bark. So you've hit, like, political or cultural hot points. And you can't even have a take on them that's humorous. They won't allow that because they feel like they're an activist. That's the problem. I know what you're talking about.

And I'm always like, you know, it's the joke. And I really put a lot of time into material. So anybody who knows me is like, I check a joke. I want to make sure that I'm doing it. It's my joke. You've called me several times. Yeah, I have, right. Several times.

That's a weird call, isn't it? No, it's a good call. It's a good call because it's a call from an artist. You're like, hey, this seemed like it came to me several times. Yeah, I have, right. Several times. That's a weird call, isn't it? No, it's a good call. It's a good call because it's a call from an artist. You know, you're like, hey, this seemed like it came to me too easy. Have you heard this? But my friends, you know, I include you in this group, always go like, you know, your calls are almost cryptic. Like, do you say antelope in a joke? Do you have a joke that ends with Froot Loops?

I'm like, who is this? You know, that kind of thing. It's so funny because Santino called me up the other day in a frenzy. He's like, do you have a joke on this? I feel like you have a joke on this. I had a nightmare that you had a joke on this in one of your old specials. I go, nope, definitely don't. Right.

I definitely don't. If I do, I forgot it. It's fair play. Luckily, there's all these super fans now where they start quoting your old material. I'm like, who is that guy? Oh, that's me. Oh, I forgot. I know what someone will bring up a joke and I don't even know how it goes.

Because I have to abandon them. We all have to. Do you smoke cigars? No, that was my dad's thing. I'm on these American spirits. Those are good. Those are healthy. Are they?

I don't think so. Those are good. Those are healthy. Are they? I don't think so. Mm-mm. But, you know, you've been cool with that because I know when people get the call, sometimes they get all like, why are you asking me this? And I'm like, I'm just trying to check the joke. No, man, everybody does that.

If you don't do that, then maybe you've never had an idea that came to you that's weird. Like, sometimes an idea will come to you, it's like, is that, no one's thought that already? Yeah, too easy. How no one thought that one? Sometimes they're too easy.

Yeah. And you don't know, man, because like there's shit that you might have heard when you had been doing comedy for six months and you completely forgot about it. And then all of a sudden it pops in your head as if it's yours. And you're like, oh shit. And then you also have to,

because there's so many different ways to stream and platform that now it's like oh you know is this a joke you know like is this one cool or did someone already tick tock this idea or that you know like what's going on is somebody memeing sorry i don't even know the terms so that's the point of like uh it's hard and hard to check material all the time yeah but it's kind of fun yeah well part of the point of like, ah, it's hard and hard to check material all the time. Yeah, but it's kind of fun. Yeah, well. It's part of the fun of it all. It is a fun way to make a living, god damn it. For sure.

And I always, you know, since I have very few marketable skills, you know, it's cool to have one where you have some control over your, you know, destiny, situation, and all that kind of stuff. You've managed to avoid all the pitfalls of social media. No, I'm not into it. I kind of rock with a flip phone. I got someone who does that for me, and, you know, I answer every message I can. And, you know, I just don't, I don't, I mean, I give you a lot of credit for what you do.

Doing this every day for hours on end, that's tough. That's really tough, and it's hard to get up for that show. Dude, it's easy. Coal mining's tough. Yeah, this is easy as fuck. I'm talking to people like you. How hard is that? I'm the luckiest guy alive.

I get to talk to some of the coolest fucks that have ever lived. It's amazing. It's so fun. You gotta give a lot of yourself for that. I'm not really like, I have trouble talking about myself, and I like talking about comedy,

and we were talking about this outside in the hall,, there's a lot of dead friends of ours, you know, out there and stuff like that. And, you know, if I could bring one up, it would be cool. Gilbert, you know, who I was there when he went down. You know, Jeff Ross and I were both really close friends of the family and Gilbert. And we had both been there, like, day of. And I was there in the morning when he went down and I was thinking like you know here's a guy who generationally like for since the 80s you know has been famous infamous famous all that kind of stuff

and we all knew him in the comedy world like what he was about or at least I did yeah you know I was always a huge fan of his he always made me laugh laugh, always made me laugh. And it's great when you get a guy that you know and he makes you laugh. And I was like, you know, social media for him was easy. Like, he loved it. He loved cameo. He was like the biggest cameo guy in the world. Like, he's huge. Happy birthday.

Yeah. You cock sucker. I hope your anniversary. You know, like, just these, like a troll sending out, you know, like, riddles. But, like, he loved it. He loved it. And it's, like, it's amazing how, like, you know, here's a guy who's older than me, but he somehow took to it, and it worked for him, you know? It just naturally fit his personality.

For sure. He was a funny fucking dude, man. I was so happy to get him in here and get a chance to talk to him. And, you know, because I never really get a chance to talk to him and you know because i never really had that much time talking to him i was just like saying hi at a club here or there but to sit down that's the thing about like a podcast that's different than any other kind of conversation you get to really know someone over hours and hours of time just shooting the shit about stuff true it's like how often do we get a chance to do like some of the best conversations i've ever had

with my friends have been public everything has every we're all different places different times all that kind of stuff but with gilbert i was going to say that you know here's a guy who like when i would go hey you're in town come down to the comedy cellar and do a set or i'll bring you on stage and we'll like do like a little something you know and like uh you know jeff and i always loved like working with him you know he's always so much fun. But like, he was like, no, why would I do that? I was just in Poughkeepsie, New York. I don't need to, you know, I don't need to get, go up in front of strangers.

You know, like, he was like, you know, the job was the job. And then, you know, he did his other thing. So I kind of respected that about him too, you know? But he also did cameo. No, he did cameo Really was I'm sure the flag was that half staff at cameo when he went down I bet Cameos are odd. I'll go to watch people's cameo. Sometimes, you know, it's the saddest when they flub it and they don't redo it Let's come on. It's really good how like, you know being older like you like

I wonder what these surviving cast members of Magnum P.I. are up to. I guess I can look on Cameo and see which ones are available for a happy birthday message. What a weird thing. People love it. You get famous people to wish you happy birthday. Who's the number one person on Cameo, young Jamie? If you had to guess.

I bet it's still Gilbert. Was Gilbert really number one? I think he was it I bet you it's still Gilbert Was Gilbert really number one? I think he was I know who it is now I think At least for a while Those Island Boys took over For a minute

Those guys that went viral online Are they still around? Because of that It's really working still? I think I hope they stay around forever I hope them They get together with that girl

The Catch Me Outside girl And they make super babies. Yeah, she definitely would be a hit. Super influencer babies. It's funny when people become successful like that for no fucking reason and people get mad. Like, what the fuck? Why is there a baby patient? Why are you mad?

Like, look at this. It's ridiculous. It's fun. The top earners are kind of a surprise. It's Kevin from The Office. Put that shit up. Really? Yeah.

What do we got? Brian Baumgartner is his name. Interesting. Is he really good at it or something? I don't know. Huh. Wow, you could do like- Click on the thing.

You got a whole day's worth of great- So that dude? Yeah. Wow. Good for him. At least at this time, which was November 21. Cost of businesses, $2,600. Damn, you could rack up some numbers.

Yeah, really. Gilbert, he was up there. Yeah, Gilbert would do like 10 a day, I mean, if not more. That's a lot of money, man. Michael Rappaport's in there? How many is Rappaport doing? How much does it cost to get Rappaport's in there? How many is Rapaport doing? How much does it cost to get Rapaport to talk shit to you? 200 bucks.

Damn, that's a good deal. So anybody gets to pick the number? That's Carol Baskin. She's on it? Joe Exotic should be on it if she's on it. Where's your husband? Where's your husband, lady? Yeah, I gotta to learn to make

some money online or something like that. Imagine that. Did she really, if, let's just say if, we're not alleging anything, but if she really did feed her husband to a tiger and you can get her to wish you a happy birthday, that is fucking hilarious. That's how I want to go too, is food. I think that's a great way to go out. It is kind of weird that we kind of cheat on the food period thing because we we embalm ourselves so we don't rot so nothing can eat us it's a real it's a dirty trick like the alligator pit would be kind of fun don't you think when your body's done yeah just have a little celebration throw you in a pit full of alligator because they have zero respect you know

the way they roll you know how they kill you know how they kill, you know how they kill, they roll. That would be just see myself twerking around like that. Jamie, did I show you the video of the crocodile that's swimming with a body in its mouth, a human body in its mouth? Did I send that to you? This one's rough. Someone sent this to me on Instagram. It's a crocodile, and it's swimming up to this boat, and it sounds like they're from Australia or South Africa. It's a crocodile and it's swimming up to this boat and it sounds like they're from Australia

or South Africa. It's hard to tell. But they're, because I'm not good at accents, but they're trying to figure out what it is and then they realize it's a human. Oh no. Oh dude, it's rough. It's rough. I'm going to try to find it. Okay, this is the kind of stuff.

This is it? I'm waiting for the video to load. It's rough. I'm going to try to find it. Okay, this is the kind of stuff. This is it? I'm waiting for the video to load. Could be it. Could be it. Yeah, that's a crocodile, right? Oh, there it is on there. No, that's not. No, that's not it.

That looks. Yeah, I think they're just showing croc videos. They're not going to show the video? I don't think so. Let's see. Maybe. This guy's fighting him off with his. I have.

I guarantee you I have it in here. If you just give me one second I'll find it Extremely graphic footage Hear this? Is this it? No that's another one Oh no

That's another one With a body Yeah this is from a month ago I've seen that one too Bro seriously Oh Jesus Wow Yeah

Yeah that's it That's the one Wow So look at that Bro that is fucking He de-pants them too Oh, Jesus. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's the one. Wow. So look at that. Bro, that is fucking rough. He de-pants them, too. That is fucking rough. By the arm.

That is rough. And it looks like the crocodile wants everybody to see it. Yeah. That's what's most fucked up about it. It looks like it's swimming over. It wants everyone to see that it killed a person. Now, how much is that crocodile's cameo? Is it?

Bro. I just want you to look at that, how much is that crocodile's cameo? Is it? Bro. I just want you to look at that, how crazy that is. That is pretty. That we accept the fact that monsters live near us. That we're cool with that. Like, why are we cool with that? What the fuck is wrong with us? I think it puts us, like, kind of in our place a little bit.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Is that necessary? I get it. I don't know. I don't think we should keep those things around. Everybody thinks we should keep them around. Like, I think shoot them in the fucking head and turn them into shoes.

You're out of your fucking mind. Those things eat people. Like, we're just so far removed from nature that we think that, and I'm not advocating, honestly, I'm joking around. I'm not advocating for the elimination joking around i'm not advocating for the elimination of all crocodiles right but the fact that people are like really comfortable being around them it just blows my mind just like florida is having more and more alligator attacks every year like every is that true i might have made that up but i think there's been a number

this year in florida well that's one of my favorite shows where the guys get to go out and cull the herd you know yeah that's really cool the way they do that man I love it and they're doing it now with the pythons because that's another invasive species that show swamp people, right? What is this? I love it. Alligator attacks do happen in Florida, but not an alarming rate It's one is an alarming rate if one one person gets killed by a werewolf One a year gets killed by a werewolf, that's fucking alarming. That's not what that guy thought. There's only an average of six a year, I feel like.

But I think this year there was a few. I think a few people died this year. How many people died from alligator attacks in 2022? Just Google that real quick. I'm going to guess. I think it's six. I think six people have died from alligator attacks. No, that's nothing.

What about drunk driving? What about Oxycontin? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That too. That too. But fucking also alligators. Four so far. Four.

How many have just fucking disappeared? How many homeless folks just vanished? One of my favorite stories was a guy stole a car and the cops are chasing him and he uh jumps out of the car on a bridge and jumps in the water and lands right on an alligator and gets killed right in front of the car oh wow that's great landed boom right where the alligator was just snaps him up like right away wow uh you've been you've been in new york lately or no yes yeah we got our own little thing going on over there now. What's going on?

I don't know. It's kind of, uh, it's kind of like, um, um, you know, it's like a little bit of mayhem, you know what I'm saying? Like, especially the street people, like pretty aggressive. And, uh, you know, it does feel like, um, like the homeless folks are aggressive. Yeah. Just like, you know, there's a lot of, you know, psychosis out there. There's a lot of whatever's going on, a lot of aggressive panhandling, a lot of just like, I can do whatever I want whenever I want going on.

So it's kind of old school New York, like more like in the 70s, 80s than it is. And it's filthy. You know, it is that kind of like, it's like, it's like Gotham without Batman. You know, that's really what it is. It's just pretty much out of control. But you definitely see like um rats like have you ever seen um uh a tornado of rats i've seen a lot of rats before i saw like i was walking from the comedy cellar like uh up towards washington square park late at night and just like a bag of garbage like and then it was just like a circle of rats i was like

oh this is like the end of days like right here i was like holy shit is this like a circle of rats. I was like, oh, this is like the end of days, like right here. I was like, holy shit. Is this like a sign? I was like, I couldn't believe it. I parked at this gas station once in the 90s back when you had to use payphones. So I pulled into the gas station, start pumping my gas, and I go over to use the payphone. And as I'm using the payphone, I'm watching rats jump on my wheel and crawl up into my car. And you drove that car? I had to.

What am I going to do? Oh, shit. I'm like, what the fuck do you do? That's brave. I felt like if I started up, they would jump out. I mean, like, what the fuck are they looking for? It's like they're looking for food or something, looking for a hole to get into the car and find food.

It's like- Was it cold? No. No. Because they go under the engine, they say, under the engine block to warm up. They're really smart. They're so smart. Have you seen that Joe, the rats documentary on Netflix?

No. Oh my God, you have to see it. It's incredible. I'm always afraid they're going to swim up the toilet because that happened one time though. That probably happened one time. One werewolf. I'm staying out of the woods. Fuck that, dude.

There was the documentary. It shows all the diseases that they carry. There's rats out there right now that have the plague. Yeah. They're around people. They caught some in Georgia and they ran some studies on them. They found all kinds of crazy diseases in these things. But you know Naked and Afraid? You know those guys?

Yes. Those guys, like they have the two guys. They have the hunter guy and then they have the other guy who's the scrounger. You know, he's just the scavenger guy. And he would eat that. He would eat it. He would figure out a way to like de-plague it and like skin it and like just eat a rat yeah he's awesome the way he does his stuff you can eat a rat you just have to cook it to like 167 degrees that's it kills trichinosis that's the most dangerous one but

even that doesn't kill you there's all sorts of other shit that can be carried in those things though Someone ate Burbit liver And they got the bubonic plague I think it was like a traditional dish In whatever country they're from And they ate Find that out Eat burbit B-U-R-B-O-T

It's like some weird mammal And they ate it's liver And they got the plague Classic Yeah what's just like what the fuck man like rats are around people all day long in numbers that are like they think that the physical size of the rat population in terms of like their biological mass their weight is the same as people Wow you mean all the all the people to all the rats? All the people and all the rats. Marmot.

Yeah, marmot meat. He ate raw marmot meat. So a Mongolian couple died from bubonic plague in 2019. Wow. Sparking a quarantine that trapped tourists for days. Yeah, see? So marmot is like a little gopher looking thing. Oh, okay.

That's a different story. So they ate this thing, and they got the fucking plague. I think it was, wasn't it raw? In New York? Yeah, they ate raw marmot meat, yeah. Bro. In New York, you know the dog park? Yeah.

There was a rat in the middle, and all the dogs were trying to be dogs. They're trying to attack them. But you could tell they already had been too metro, that they really didn't know what to do. They like they're like trying to like attack. But you could tell like they already had been too Metro that they really didn't know what to do. Like they were like, my assistant will do this. We'll send a smaller dog in there. Have you ever seen the video of the rat killing the pigeon?

I love that one. Oh, that's a great one, isn't it? Oh man. I didn't know they hunted. Oh God, they're so good. I just assumed they killed things that were already dead. I didn't know they killed things too. Some people They're so good. I just assumed they killed things that were already dead. I didn't know they killed things, too. Some people keep them as pets.

Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. That's an eye-opener. This is great. The thing about that rat, too, when a rat is that fucking brazen, a lot of times that's a rat that has toxoplasmosis. Yeah. Oh, dude, most definitely. Look at him, outgunned, outnumbered.

He's still holding. He's bouncing around in the middle. He's dude, most definitely. Look at him, outgunned, outnumbered. He's still holding. He's bouncing around in the middle. He's not running to hide. He's kind of hanging out in the middle. Could have been injured a little bit there, too. He could have been. This is kind of like a peewee football where you want your dog to go in and make the kill. All those dogs are going to the vet afterwards.

They're getting multiple shots. You guys fucked up. They're all New York dogs, too. They're like, oh, my God. I'm traumatized. Oh, my God. They're going to have therapy. They're going to have so many shots. They're like, oh, my God, I'm traumatized. Oh, my God, they're going to have therapy. They're going to have so many shots.

You have to get rabies shots. You have to get everything. I love when I went to your old house out in L.A., right, the dogs you had, those big, big dogs. Which ones, the pit bulls? The ones that were outside. The pit bulls or was it the Mastiff that I had? The Mastiff. Yeah, the Mastiff was a sweetie.

He was the best. That was Johnny Cash. He was so sweet. I love that dog. He was so sweet. Those dogs, man. The big dogs, when they get older, it's rough on them, man. Yeah.

I used to have to carry him to take him to the bathroom. He couldn't walk anymore. How long did he? He lived to be 13, which is old for a really big dog. That's amazing. But it's so sad, man. You have them from the time they're a puppy, and then all of a sudden they're 13 and they can't walk. And, like, you're just a little boy.

Like, you're my little buddy, and you're 13. So I used to, he was like 140 pounds. I used to have to carry him outside. Wow. I used to pick him up, take him outside to go to the bathroom. Yeah, but you gave him a great life, though. I mean, what an awesome setup you had for him. Well, it was a good yard yeah he was a smart dog too he was the one but he got honeypotted into killing uh chickens by a coyote ever tell you this story no he was he was

really big you know so he was a very strong dog and so like chicken wire that kept coyotes out that didn't keep him out he just didn't go in there because he didn't know that you can kill chickens. So one day the pool guy had accidentally left the gate open that led to this other part where the pool is and where the chicken coop was. And so this fucking coyote was teaching him to be his friend. Oh. And the coyote was like, come to the fence. Like, I'm your friend. And he was friendly. He was like, oh, you're my friend.

He just thought it was a dog, right? Yeah. And then we had this chicken that was brooding. I don't know if you know what brooding is. No. When a chicken thinks that it has to raise an egg, even though the egg hasn't been fertilized, it's called brooding. They get kind of crazy. And they pick at their feathers.

And then they sit on an egg. And they just insist that this egg, even though it's not fertilized, is going to become a chicken. But it's a real egg there? It's a real egg. They lay an egg, but something goes bonkers in their brain, and they have to go through this whole cycle of when the chick would be born, before they shake out of it, or you take them and you isolate them in a smaller pen.

So I took them and I isolate them, and you put them on this post where they have to stand up. And if they have to stand up, then they can't brood, because they can't sit on that thing. They put their feathers out and shit it gets rough so we had this one chicken that was separated and so the coyote convinced johnny to destroy the chicken coop uh-huh so i don't know how it did it man but all of a sudden like he never did that before but he just he's you know he just destroys this thing

just pulls it apart and then i'm with my kids and my wife, and we're playing some board game. And so we're sitting there in the living room. We're playing like Uno or some shit. And then I see this coyote leapfrog over the fence with a chicken in his mouth. It was amazing. Wow. It was so graceful. Like we had this like six foot high wrought iron fence.

It just went like this. Bing! To the top of the fence boing and then over it like it was nothing like it was nothing and talk about like your dog to a coyote coyote weighs like what 50 pounds maybe not even that i don't think and it just carried that chicken like it was nothing but it convinced my dog to smash open this thing So then my pool guy fucks up again and leaves the gate open. So Johnny decides,

I'm just going to go in the big chicken coop. So he just smashes a hole in the big chicken coop and goes on a massacre and kills nine chickens. So I see it outside from my bathroom. I'm like, fuck! I run out there and I have to go through the hole that he created, and I grab him and drag him out. Man, that must have activated something deep

in the back of his brain when he got that chicken blood in him. I'm getting hard. Well, the coyote just convinced him. Like, why are you killing these chickens? He's like, why aren't I killing these chickens? Right. And then all of a sudden, he's killing chickens.

You know the big dogs. So your dog is not the dog that they have like in the Russian prisons, right? That crazy... No. Well, I don't know what ones they use but it's the wolf something the wolfhound oh i've seen whatever that is that big crazy hairy thing yeah like it like it lives and it dies outside it's like basically you know it's like an outdoor dog like you never bring it inside and when they do they bring it in they shuffle the prisoners around like they're just barking you know growling at them the whole time that thing looks terrifying yeah it looks like something from the hobbit it's it is like yeah like you see like a battle dwarf riding it you know that kind of thing

200 pounds too they're easily easily what is that that i don't know what it is it it's not australian right no no it's russian it's a russian it's their dog it's like crazy big you know just google russian werewolf dog it's the one they use in their like supermax lockdowns jesus you know like in stranger things but in new york did they have those in strangers no they didn't they had like german chevros they probably can't use those things in new york in new york it became really cool to have a big dog again and i think that's cruel. I typed in Russian wolfhound, and that's not it. No, no, no. That dog you would only see in an art gallery.

Try Russian werewolf dog. Try that. Let me see what Google does. It's like a wolfhound something. Yeah. It is intimidating. But I think if you Google Russian werewolf dog, it shows you what it is. Ouch.

Not that. No, that's not it. Maybe the one to the right. Yeah, that. No? No. Something like that. Oh, yeah.

No. No? That's not it. That's just like a giant ass, those things. Wow. Those are cool looking. Yeah. That looks like Elton John's sister.

Did you see what fucking Biden said? Blame it on this guy. We're spending all the money on AIDS. Did you see that? Did you see Biden's quote said? Blame it on this guy. We're spending all the money on AIDS. Did you see that? Did you see Biden's quote? It's so ridiculous. These are just wolves, I think. Yeah, not wolves.

It's a giant Russian wolf-like dog. I'm sorry I brought it up. I thought it would be like an easy hit. No, that's a wolf bear. You're looking like a hybrid. Google giant Russian werewolf dog. No, that's a wolf bear. You're looking at a hybrid. Google giant Russian werewolf dog. Let's see this.

It's like a big head dog. Yeah, it's a crazy little thing. Here it is. I found it right away. Yes, that's it. Wolf killer. That's it. Caucasian shepherd. That's it.

Look at that. Look at the size of that thing. Wow. What the fuck, man? That can't be real. That's not real. That can't be real. That's it. Look at that. Look at the size of that thing. Wow. What the fuck, man? That can't be real. That's not real. That can't be real. That's CGI.

And that's a little. That might be fake, too. Yeah, that's a little fake. That's fake, too. But it's a big dog. Look at her arm. I don't like how her arm disappears in the hair. I'm getting.

I'm getting. It's the same lady, too, I think. I'm getting swindled. Yeah, but that dog is a real dog. The Caucasian Shepherd. So Google dog. The Caucasian Shepherd. So Google that. Google Caucasian Shepherd. They're amazing looking.

Look at them in the snow. Yeah, that's it. That's that giant-ass fucking wolf-looking thing. Look at the size of that fucker. Yeah. How big are those bitches? Height, 2.2 feet. Shit.

2.2 feet. Wow. That's not that big I know That's a cold weather dog Is this the wrong dog? That ain't the same dog I think someone did a What is that fucking other one though?

There's one wild looking 100 to 170 pounds Dog people are so mad right now Cause it's a big ass dog Yeah Now that was the picture But that girl was That's it That does not look like 2 feet That thing looks fucking huge Not 2 feet on top because it's a big-ass dog. Yeah, no, that was the picture, but that girl was big.

That's it. That does not look like two feet. That thing looks fucking huge. Not two feet on top, like from height. But that's bigger than two feet, dude. 170 pounds max-ish. Look at that coat, man. Brian Callen would know.

He's definitely. I'm going to call him right now. Brian Callen knows about dogs. Call Brian Callen. I have to get to the bottom of this, Jeremy. I'm sorry for slowing down the show, but I think we'll all be better people once we know. Brian Callen, you're live on my podcast. You would know this. What is that giant, crazy, scary Russian dog that looks like a werewolf?

I think that's a Kovlosk or something like that. It's a... They're mountain dogs. They're 200 pounds. And they're there to keep the wolves at bay. Right, that's what we're talking about. Is it a Kovlosk?

Something like that. It's not a Caucasian mountain dog, right? Or a Caucasian mountain shepherd? That's a different thing. I like using this word in a sentence. They hail from that area. Oh, wow. You look like a scholar. Yes, I am.

Yes, I am a scholar. But I have seen one in person, and it's as close to a dog bear as you can get. It's like they bred a dog, a big dog, with a grizzly. Wow. That's what it's like. And it has crazy fangs, right? Yeah, well, they fight them. So in the Caucasus region, in Afghanistan.

Oh, look how you say that. Look how you pronounce Afghanistan. In Afghanistan, they fight those dogs. In the Caucasus Mountains, they fight dogs. And that area of the world, they use those giant mountain dogs, and they pit them against each other. Anything, Jamie? I'm looking real hard.

Caucus Mountains, giant fighting dog? Yep, yep. We'll find it. We'll find it. All right, Brian, love you. Love you, too, buddy. Bye. Wow, that was good work, Joe, man.

You got it. I think we might have it. Yeah. Well, that's what the Caucasian shepherd does. That's it? I mean, that's good work, Joe, man. You got it. I think we might have it. Yeah. Well, that's what the Caucasian Shepherd does. That's it? I mean, that's what a Caucasian... But it looks scarier than that. I've seen scarier ones.

Either way, it's huge. It's a huge dog. You get a lot of dog for your money on that one. Boy, that subject fizzled out. No, I got more if you want. I was hoping for a big ending. I was hoping we're going to find the picture that I know that I've seen before, that thing with giant fangs. No, you've got to go to

like, what is that, a lockdown show where they show them using them to like That's it. That's a Caucasian shepherd. Okay, but that's the image that I've seen before. Like that one, and then there was another one down if you just go back to the one you just saw there was another one down there where his mouth

opened. Oh, there they're fighting it up. Like, that's it. What is that? What the fuck is that? That's what I'm talking about. Okay. So we just looked at, like, really clean-looking, well-bred ones.

Wow. That's it. Oh, my God, that's real. Beauty and the Beast. Bro, that's the real dog. Yeah. What'd you say, Jamie? This lady is in all of these thumbnails, so she's fucked up this thumbnail game

Yeah but But that seems like it's not Go back to that image of her next to the dog That seems accurate That seems like it's actually that big That dog must eat Oh my god the shit's that thing Oh yeah that's a lot of work

Good luck if you got a regular backyard You have hefty bags They look cute there Look at that. That does look cute. Oh, that's a fun. Killing a wolf. Man, that would be a nice oil painting.

It would be right on your bed. Let ladies know what they're in for. Kills wolves. Cool. So now we know. There you go. It's a thing. So we just got a bad image search.

It's all right, though. I love that we went through it, but I'll tell you. We made the journey together. We did it. And you know all I'm going to say is it's a little too hot out here in Texas for that kind of a dog. You know you'd have to give him so many. Oh yeah I got a

golden retriever and during the summer months it's rough for him. But he loves swimming so that's cool. Yeah they're like built for swimming. Oh my god yeah i didn't even have to teach him how to swim he just jumped in the water when he was a puppy really yeah i'm like that's right it's in there like dna or something a hundred percent yeah it was like immediately start swimming nice yeah he figured it out like right away just had to show him where

the where the stairs were and he was good even the little ones like to take a dip yeah like that you know the thing about those dogs too is like it's a dip. I like that. The thing about those dogs, too, is it's interesting, retrievers. Because teaching a dog to fetch and then bring it back. Some dogs don't want to bring it back. They're like, hey, motherfucker, bring the ball back. Possessive. Retrievers immediately bring it back. Every time.

You don't even have to teach them, huh? Never. The only time he stops is I know he has to take a shit. He paused. He hasn't come back all the way. He's got to take a dump. And then he'll come run back over. those dogs are like designed for retrieving well you know being on the road i can't have a dog so i have to kind of live vicariously through you guys with your dogs

how often are you on the road how many days a week i'd say i kind of stepped it up you know i got a lot of bills so i've been stepping it up i'm trying to do like at least two to three week weeks on the road like of you know full tilt four four days you know and uh every month yeah and uh you know like we were talking earlier like the comedy boom is there there's definitely like like uh Cap City added a show late show on a Sunday who would do that why not you know why not and uh everywhere I go like you know it's like oh cool we're close to sold let's add a show you know i'm like i'm up for it i'm already there you know why not what else am i gonna do boy your machine gets greased when you're doing that many shows too

yeah but towards the end of the week it does become this whole like because i know people are coming to see multiple shows so i'm always trying to mix it up for them and sometimes that falls apart on me it's like a fucking you know yeah but people that are coming to see multiple shows appreciate that too that you're out i guess so fucking around yeah i mean that's half the fun for for real comedy nerds is to watch a guy like start a bit and and then you see that where that comes in six months oh that's true how many bits did you start out well they in the first couple times you did them? They're like, you know, like, ugh, I might have to abandon this one. You remember, this is another, like, old school comedy thing, but Richard Jenney, do you remember him?

Yeah. Like, he was always the guy who, you know, I, like, work with him. I used to watch him. And I was always like, you know, nobody could crush like this guy did. And I've talked to the younger comics about it, too. I was like, this guy, like, people, you know how people leave going like, oh, my belly hurt. Like, people basically, it was like a smackdown. Like, people were leaving, like, you know, limping and stuff.

Like, my body can't take any more laughter. He's that good. He would just basically get everything out of them. He was like the master of, like, milking a bit. Like, he would find every angle on it. And I wish I had that skill set, like, where you can go, like, you take the topic and you, like, keep twisting it and twisting it and twisting every angle on it. And I wish I had that skill set like where you can go like you take the topic and you like keep twisting it and twisting and twisting and twisting. Like Brian Regan's another guy who I think is a great like he's amazing how he finds all these different angles. And like it's fluid.

It's seamless, you know. Jenny was the best at it. Jenny was like he really was exceptional at writing like a chunk of material, not just a joke. Like I'm a joke guy. He's like a chunk guy. A chunk a joke like i'm a joke guy he's like a chunk guy you know a chunk on anything yeah on everything actually because that was back in the day some of it might be a little like you know corny whatever now but back in the day all that stuff was solid and people couldn't get enough of it and i remember like 10-15 minutes on like spaghetti you know like something like that you know like buying shoes that was like an hour and

a half he had a whole chunk on buying a Corvette I'm like, how is that even relatable to people and it was murderous? Yeah, a murderous chunk about going to a dealership and buying a Corvette He was a good guy to watch live, you know, you really kind of got like what a headliner does You know, I tell the story and unfortunately if you've heard it before people you're gonna hear it again one time we were at Eastside comedy club and I got there on like a sunday and the guy who was the host of the show all weekend said jenny did four different hours yeah he did two different hours on friday night and then two shows on saturday night totally different hours and they were all like i want to quit comedy another thing

about him is that his energy consistent all the way through like a lot of guys like i'm that kind of guy where it's like yeah first 20 minutes you're gonna see like me like i'm punching you know then then it's a lot of grappling just like holding holding the guy and i feel like him for him it was almost like you're never gonna wear me out right you're gonna get worn out before i even get tired you know right so i respect that too like no he was uh he was a special comic that i don't think gets his due. I was always a giant fan of his, but then one day I was coming home from the Irvine Improv, and you know how sometimes your Bluetooth on your phone just randomly syncs up and plays

a track that's on your phone? It played this Jenny bit, and I was like, oh my God, that is so funny. I forgot how funny it was. And then I downloaded the whole album, and I just listened to it while I was driving. So that was the beautiful thing about, like, that was available. Yeah, right. On Apple Music. I just went and got it, downloaded it, and now I was listening to it on the way home.

Well, that's a perfect score, because there's no better place to listen to comedy than when you're driving alone. I feel like that's where it is, like, it is your thing. Yeah, if you're listening to comedy than when you're driving alone. I feel like that's where it is your thing. Yeah, if you're listening to comedy, that's what it is. Like a long drive and you get to listen to some really tasty clips. Yes, it's fun. And especially if you're on your way to a gig. It puts you in a good mood. You get to the airport laughing.

Yeah. You know? Well, the whole idea of the album now is so different than it was back in the day of like, you know, this is my album. Yeah. Because I love the show and all that kind of stuff so yeah physical copies of things i still feel like that's the best way even though like that's what i grew up on like listening to carlin you know well skanks for the memories was a masterpiece i don't skanks for the memories is a all-time classic comedy album i know you fucking hate compliments. is like the future or the past or because there's a lot of vinyl talk out there well the vinyl talk

is fun because it's like someone who's an actual enthusiast who wants to sit down with a physical copy of something and it's so much better than owning a cd right because if they're both obsolete which they kind of are yeah the thing about vinyl over cds you get a dope cover that was always a thing like kiss alive too you know whenever they're on the cover, like fucking yeah. You remember that? Double platinum was all silver. This is wild. Pictures inside. You would roll joints using the album. That's how people would roll joints.

When I would go to Tower Records, you know, and like they would have like the comedy section. It was always like the Steve Martin. Yeah. And, you know, Richard Pryor, of course. Yeah. But then there was like all the weirds of Dr. Demento and all those like you're like looking at these things, like looking around, see if anybody's looking at you, you know. I went to a gas stop once and I got these cassettes that were old Richard Pryor cassettes from Red Fox's Comedy Club in Los Angeles.

It was like someone just set up a microphone and started recording. And Richard Pryor was like fucking around. He was creating new bits. He was talking shit. He was drinking. You could hear like the clinking of the ice cubes in the glass. Dude, it was amazing. And that's the cassette, right?

Cassette. And it was like a series of them. There was a few that you could get. That's so awesome, dude. I think some guy sued somebody. I think DePaulo was involved in this. Like a bootleg? Yeah, someone was selling their shit at gas stations.

They're like, why is my fucking shit for sale here? Like, who's doing this? It was like someone had cut a deal. Right. I don't think it was a bootleg. I think someone had cut a sneaky deal and not let the comics in on it. When you go to a truck stop and like, you know, you see their CDs and DVDs and it's like always Larry the Cable Guy. You know, they have all of his stuff.

And I was always like, Larry, you know, no one else has tapped this market. You're the only guy here, honestly, dude. Congratulations. I was like impressed that, like, this is like of all the things that they have here, you know, they got like a little cooler. They got all these different things that are combined. It's like they definitely need some tapes as they're rolling, you you know rolling through down the road so Larry the Cable Guy is a good dude he is and he's a merch king of merch I always like respected his merch man he's always been a cool guy but like the merch man I was like how do

you do it but I met him when he was Dan Whitney Dan yes you know when he was he put the work into yeah he was just starting to become Larry the Cable Guy he just was doing that radio show down in Florida and he would do that character Larry the Cable guy and he would do the Call into all the morning radios and he'd have to do this and I was like man. This is tough It's like 6 in the morning. He's calling in you know, but he's always been a cool dude I met him in like 1993 or some shit in Montreal. And nobody knew who he was back then.

Just a normal guy. Yeah. He was a very normal guy. That's where I met Stan Hope. Stan Hope and I, we had known each other, but that's like Montreal, like we really bind, whatever, together. And I consider Doug still like one of the best comics ever. He's one of the best ever. There's no one like him.

He's one of my favorite people alive. I love him to death. Doug is like the real deal. All the good and all the amazing of a guy who doesn't give a shit. He's free. He is. That's a great way to put it. Genuinely free.

He's not pretending to be free. He's free. Yeah. And he's's a great way to put it. Genuinely free. He's not pretending to be free. He's free. Yeah. And he's just a great guy. And when I met Doug for the first time, I'd heard of Doug before I met him. He was friends with Joey. So that's how I met him. I think I met him at, so there was like a little show that they used to do on Sunset

down the street from Dublin's. It wasn't even Dublin's. It was the one down the street from Dublin's. It wasn't even Dublin's. It was the one down the street from Dublin's. I met them there. Like an open mic? No, it was like a show they would do. It wasn't necessarily an open mic because everybody was on and was a professional. But it was like a pop-in show.

Sort of how Dublin's was. Remember when Dublin's was a pop-in show? See, I never really was in LA on that scene. But i always heard that that's like the cool show that's where like where the we're like you know the um you know if you just want to like fuck around that's a cool show dublin's was a fun show that was a fun show the dublin's was kind of what launched dane cook right yeah he was killing it dublin's before he was killing everywhere else and then it was like uh they had dublin's they had

that other club that was down the street from dublin's didn't last as long and then they they had sal's comedy hold remember sal's i remember yeah that was a good spot there's a bunch of like little fuck around good spots would you ever do that hermosa beach room i love that room the comedy magic club i love that room That's like a museum to comedy. Yeah. I hope it continues, right? Yeah, yeah. Because that's where Lena would work out his material.

That's where Gary Shandling would go. You know, all the big Tosh would come by. Yeah. And I remember he always wanted it clean. You know, that was like the thing of like, you know, I'm trying to keep it clean here. Yeah, but he let me go up. Yeah, I went up too. He didn't really care.

He let me go up. He had a went up too. He didn't really care. He let me go up. He had a problem with Joey Diaz, though. Sure. But it wasn't just like his regulars. He was like, my regulars just can't handle it. Yeah, it's that beach culture. And that's not always the funniest crowd. You know what I'm talking about?

Like when you live near such a, like, you know, you got a beautiful sunset. You don't really need as many laughs. It's when you live near like a tire fire, you know? Right. Well, they're wealthy people too. Hermosa Beach is a beautiful sunset. You don't really need as many laughs. It's when you're living near a tire fire. Right. Well, they're wealthy people, too. Hermosa Beach is a wealthy community. But so is La Jolla. And that club's pretty wild.

The La Jolla Comedy Store? That's a fun place. That's a fun spot. Irvine's fucking great. I love Irvine. That improv's amazing. I did that recently. I did that with Monty Franklin a few months back. I did it with. That improv's amazing. I did that recently. I did that with Monty Franklin like a few months back.

I did it with Shane Gillis, too. Shane's awesome, dude. Oh, my God, dude. That doing shows at the improv was one of the first times that I got to see Shane's set because he killed at the Vulcan, but we were in the green room, and it was packed, and you couldn't hear. There's a monitor in there, and you can listen, but there were so many people were many people were talking we were all having fun i didn't get a chance to see his sets but then getting to work with him in irvine i got to see his whole set god damn he's funny he's good he's so funny yeah i like you know like he's in the he's like in i see him in the city so i only get to see small tastes of him but it's always interesting stuff the guy never panders to anybody

i mean like you know he knows what he wants to do and he does it it's just great writing too he has this new bit about going to the George Washington Museum that's all I'm gonna say about it it's fucking amazing yeah it's so funny dude there's so many you know like I really never get I always go on so late so like you know the people go on earlier like I never really get to see him but when I do I'm always, you know, the people go on earlier. Like, I never really get to see them. But when I do, I'm always like, you know, whoa. Do you like that? Do you like going on late? I like it for different reasons than people think.

It's like I like it because I don't want to screw up the show for anybody who has to follow me in case I do something nuts or crazy. Like what? You know, in case I, like, trash the room, you know. So I was always like, there's that. I don't like bumping anybody. I don't like, you know, I think in comedy there's a lot of bumping going on and like I totally understand like is that still going on well I think that's like a big name comes in and they want to do some material that's cool but like a lot of these uh uh young comics you know like they're waiting around like you know uh to go on it's like I know I didn't I hate being the guy who

like puts them back so there's that there's that and then it's also i think later um i i feel like i'm more into the um you know in the zone of it you know like i've done everything i i had to do now i can just do my you know what time you like to go up uh in the city i'd say like one in the morning you know really that's your general one to two yeah that's the first set of the day is 1 a.m.? Yeah, sometimes. I mean, like sometimes I'll bounce before that, but usually it's like during the week, like on a Tuesday, Wednesday night, it's probably like 12.50, one in the morning, you know. Wow.

And then how many will you do? Of that night? Yeah. That would be just like for the, like just one, like a taste. But then on the weekend, I'll do like two or three and late, you know. So you just like to do like one show a night fuck around just only if i have new stuff otherwise i feel really bad about like taking the stage time like only if i got like something new to say but i'll go on every night but i'll force myself to do even if it's like telling a joke different i gotta get up

there and try it so it's amazing you're uh this humility that you have about that, about stage time. It's because every club would die to have you go up. Joe, I can't live without you. Every audience would love to see it. This is what's crazy. It's like you're one of the best comics alive, and you have this attitude. I don't know about that. A middle act that doesn't want to fuck up the show for anybody.

I will say one thing. When you go on the road and you go on early, and you're like, whoa, like whoa these people are you know they're they're not as like it's harder going on late i like the challenge okay especially since i'm old now and there's all these young people hitting with their killer 20 so i like to see if i can still like bring it you know i guess that's kind of ego but the uh when you go on early then you're like wow this is a different type of tight you know i'm ouch you know and sometimes i'll go on early just to mix it up. But I feel late is where my stuff works best. Well, you know, it's like you're rucking.

You're out there hiking the hills with weights on your back. Oh, you think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it goes to like regular workouts. You're like flying through it, like a regular show. Yeah, I'd say that like, you know, the cellar especially is built late. Like it feels better late than it does early. But, you know the seller especially is built late like it feels better late than it does early but you know the crowds there you get a lot of different like i

guess you got that in la too where it's like you got euros you got locals you got people who you know i guess domestic tourists you know people coming all the way in from arkansas so you know you get like kind of like a a buffet of audience yeah and you get to see like where it hits where it doesn't and all that kind of stuff. So there's good to that. But at the end of the day, I always leave like, what was that about? I can't believe they didn't get that. Comedy becomes a destination, right? Well, that's what's going to happen

with your club, man. I mean, honestly, I bet you it's already sold out. We don't have any tickets available yet. It doesn't matter. I can only imagine that first opening week. It's going to be nuts. It's going to be nuts, man. It'll opening week. It's going to be nuts. It's going to be nuts, man. It'll be fun. It's exciting to be able to do something from the ground up, you know,

and to have a community that's already here because we've been doing so many shows already here. Yeah. You know, we've been having a lot of fun, like, for the last two years. And will you, like, you know, well, you've got to be there, like, the opening. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we're going to be there., well, you got to be there, like, the opening. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, we're going to be there. And it's definitely going to be. I want you to come, too.

It's going to make the news, buddy. Oh, no. It's going to make the news. Not the news. This is going to be, like, one of those, like, you know, opening a club anyhow is so people don't get it. It's not like a guarantee. It's not like saying, like, you know, I'm going to throw into, you know, whatever, like, you know, any kind of, like, it's not just a bar, you know. There's more to it, and it's difficult, and it's really hard.

Yeah, it's complicated. You know, so I give you credit. Hire good people. Well, Adam's awesome. Stay the fuck out of the way. Yeah. Yeah, and, you know, it's like being lucky enough to have guys, like, I want to show it to you after we get out of here. Okay. Being lucky enough to have guys like I want to show it to you after we get out of here. I showed it to Louie, and he had some great notes.

We took his notes, and we added all those things that he suggested. Sure. It's fun. It's fun. It's fun to be able to do it the right way. Do it in a way we're coming from a good place. Just trying to make a great comedy club. The fact that you told me there's an area for the comics to hang.

Not every comedy club has that. Back in the day, you know this where it's like, is there a green room? And they're like, yeah, we're going to pull this curtain and you could, it's where we keep the extra chairs. So, you know, relax. You got to have a place to fuck around and talk to each other before the show and get loose and laugh. Yeah. And you got to have a place to go over your notes.

Mm-hmm. You got to have all those things. And, you know, I mean, hey, thanks for doing it. My pleasure. Thanks for sticking with it. Because the one thing I do respect the most is follow through. I mean, like we all have great ideas. Few people actually make them, you know, reality.

So congrats. I'm a big fan of follow through. Super important. And that feeling that you get when you're like shit why am I doing this like oh my god that's you're alive yay

yeah you're doing something exciting it's supposed to be risky it's supposed to be weird that's like part of the fun you can't always want to be comfortable everybody wants to be fucking comfortable all the time and I think that

doing something like this is like the best way to do it it's like no pressure on it it's exciting it's only fun we're doing it the right way building it the right way's no pressure on it. It's exciting. It's only fun. We're doing it the right way, building it the right way. We've got awesome people.

Yeah. It's exciting. I think it's also the timing of it. It's going to be perfect. Well, comedy is now separated from the mass media of Hollywood. It used to be that there was all these gatekeepers that got to tell you whether or not you were good or got to tell you whether or not you were accepted by this or accepted by that. And really the only gatekeeper should be the audience.

It should be like, do people like your stuff? Are you funny? Are you killing it? Do you get the respect of your peers? And if that's the case, then those are the people that are going to support you now so you're supported by all these podcast people like gillis and norman and ari and you know there's sagura and there's all these and tony and there's all these this fucking giant unity yeah of this community of uh of podcasters and burton i never saw any of that coming at bird especially he's another guy like you it's just like you guys are good to all of us and

you're good for all of us he's a good person he's He's a genuinely good person. Like, Burt likes to party. That's what he likes. He likes everybody to have a good time. The reason why he likes to party is he likes to have fun and to be in a good headspace and enjoy life. He's another guy. He really does make the most of it. I appreciate that. Yes, he works hard.

He does. You know, he parties hard, but that motherfucker works his ass off. His schedule's preposterous, and he's always doing a bunch of other shit now. He's doing something's burning again I was actually just talking to Bryan Simpson He was on his way over to film a new episode of something's burning that cooking show that he had I did that with Gilbert Yeah, oh, that's awesome, and he I did like a couple of dates on his tour He was doing I guess a small outdoor tour And we hitting all these like I guess you could say like you know

Ballfields and like a small venue outdoor kind of thing It was a lot of fun and it was also, you know I never really worked with him like that and he was so like I go hey Can I do this? You know, I don't want to step on him because he has to close after like, you know How it is after like five acts, you know Everybody's like, you know up there going to blow in the light and he still has to close I don't want to step on him, you know everybody's like you know up there going blowing the light and he still has to close i don't

want to step on him you know and he he's like do whatever you want to do his crowd was super cool and uh you know it's just funny to see a guy like him like own the stage like it's outdoors he's got no shirt on it's a half full ball field you know it's like it's like this looks right i don't know why but it looks right it's perfect and it's his. Just like it was his idea to do the drive-in movie shows with cars. That was his idea, too. I only did, how many of those did you do? I didn't do any of them. Oh, my God.

I did zero. I did two of them. And I brought, you know, Jay Oakerson, right? Yeah. Yeah, he's a good friend of mine. I love Jay. Great friend of mine. So we did one in D.C., and I said, this is like, you know, know Red Dawn like the re-education camp

you know that scene where it's like boys avenge me we were playing to a crowd that they just wanted us to get done and then we would give them bottles of water here's your supplies it was really like apocalyptic it was really cool

that was the early days people were scared to be around people but that was funny I was like hey I'm just glad I got it. And my opener who went on, I was laughing. I'm like, look at this guy. Oh, my God. Look at him chewing up there. And then it was my turn.

And I was like, oh, no. Now I'm in the blender. Oh, this is terrible. Oh, my God. I apologize. I screamed to him. I apologize. That's hilarious.

Were people honking for laughs? Honking. They were tailgating. And I always say, like, I pop the hood. That's like a stand to go when you let the hood up. But still, it was just like, it's cool. Only comedy would do that. Like, every other form of entertainment is like, oh, it's not safe yet. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

We're out there doing it. Well, they're all connected to the music industry. Like, they had to have, like, real strict regulations on some of the places. Yeah. Some of those people. They're all insured and shit. There's a lot going on there that's not going on with a comic. Just all you need is a microphone and someone willing to sit in their car and listen to jokes.

But it's so funny when you're on that stage and, like, you know, there's all these headlights and you hear that generator just going behind you. You're like, this is not good.'s like a it's like a fema camp right here but we're so hungry for comedy that we'll do it anyway yeah the people came you know give it to them give it up for them we did uh i was very fortunate to do those shows with uh chapelle at stubs during the pandemic so we did that on a regular basis that was amazing what he put together like that oh my god i mean I mean, really. Brilliant. Brilliant idea.

Test everybody. Test everybody. Even if you lose money, who cares? Let's do comedy. That was so awesome that he did that and I knew people, like I would run into comedy fans

and go, I drove six hours to see this, 12 hours to go see this show and like, you know, I really needed it and that was really honestly

tip of the hat to dave you know for putting that all together yeah well it was genius when he first started it in uh ohio we did it at the outdoor wedding chapel he did it there genius yeah and then he takes it from the cornfields and says let's just bring it to austin for a while so we did a shitload of shows in austin man that was fun and outdoor outdoor comedy is not that, it's hard. It's really hard to be outdoors and doing comedy. It really doesn't fit that well. But the people were so enthusiastic.

They were so happy just to be out. And it was cold some nights. Some nights we'd go on stage with coats on, like winter coats. It was like 35 degrees outside. But outdoor during the day, that's like, oh, man. Yeah, that's, just forget about it. Just forget about it. At least at night they're drunk and it's dark and they feel like a little bit, you know,

it's hard. People like to be in the dark when they laugh. They don't want to be in a brightly lit room and laugh. They're too self-conscious. Yeah, I guess the only, like, place I need to do comedy now would be on a cruise ship. I've never done that. Have you done that? No.

Yeah. I feel like I got some time. Like, I'm almost there but not there yet on a cruise ship. I've never done that. Have you done that? No. Yeah. I feel like I've got some time. I'm almost there, but not there yet. The cruise ship years. The cruise ship, if you're into cruise ships, I would imagine that would be a good time. I know Alonzo Bowden does jazz cruises. Yeah?

Alonzo's a jazz fanatic. Oh, that's cool. Jazz shows and shit. I would imagine if you were doing something like that. I know that those guys, the prank cool. So we do jazz shows and shit. I would imagine if you were doing something like that, like I know that those guys, the prank show. Yes. I know you're talking about the guys. Impractical Jokers.

They have a mega cruise. They have a thing. I know that, yeah. And they do comedy on those things too. I mean, it's not like I'm dying to do it, but I figure eventually that's kind of where comedy always leads to the ocean. The ocean. It comes down east of the ocean. know it's reason comes down to the ocean reverse you have to go into international

waters and talk shit but it would be like you know my always fear was like people like well why didn't you do it i go well i don't know just being you know like what if you bomb and then you trap with those people for two days and three nights you know like oh yeah it'd be tough you know you stay in your cabin not only that if'd be tough, you know. Oof. You got to stay in your cabin. Not only that, if they're mad at you, they can throw you off. Yeah.

Throw you off the boat. A lot of things happen on those boats, you know. Yeah, man. There's always, like, a husband and a wife that get in a fight. Yeah, only one comes back. Only one comes back. It's generally the husband that comes back. He's like, I don't know what happened.

I don't know. She was a strong swimmer. I don't know what happened. Keep looking. Can you She was a strong swimmer. I don't know what happened. Keep looking. Can you imagine going out that way, getting dropped off a cruise ship in the middle of the fucking ocean? Like, holy fuck. That's the scariest.

What a scary way to die. You see it slowly going away from you. And they'll never find you. Oh, yeah. They'll never find you. Man, this is grim. It's a grim one. Yeah.

Yeah, the ocean is so strange, man, because it's just, most of it's nothing. Most of it's not even sharks. Most of it's empty. Yeah. Yeah, the ocean is so strange, man, because it's just most of it's nothing. Most of it's not even sharks. Most of it's empty. It's only like within the few hundred miles of the coasts everywhere that there's really all the life. That's why that, you know anything about the sea turtle? Do you know anything about it? I know it's a big animal heavy show today. I love animals.

The sea turtle, like they have like a really horrible life, you know? It's not a good life. Like they're like swimming around like in the middle of the ocean like the dead zone they call it like just swimming around like oh there's a twig over there let's let's go over there for a minute like that's like the highlight of their you know week but it's just like swimming around nothing going on it sucks and you know what the worst is the moment they're hatched it's like every day is normandy every day is storming the beach most of them are going to die. Yeah.

So they're making their way to the ocean. They're getting stolen out by crabs. You ever see a crab take a fucking turtle? Crab, which is smaller than the baby turtle, picks up this baby turtle and walks away with it. Wow. It's like pulling the baby turtle away. See if you can find that. Crab murders baby turtle.

Or crab attacks baby turtle. It's wild It picks it up And carries it away I've only seen the birds really enjoy it Birds fucked them up Yeah they go They get them at

Birds fucked them up But crabs steal them Oh Look at this shit Oh god They just drag them away Grab them Pinch them by their head

And drag them away Oh my god Look at that Crabs are monsters dude Look at that Look at that He's just are monsters, dude. Look at that. Look at him just eating it alive. Pulling off chunks of it and eating it and drags it into its hole. Oh, man.

Motherfuckers. Crabs scare the shit out of you. We're really lucky they're smaller than us. God, that's the only reason why they're alive. I mean, at one point in time, they had to be bigger than us. We killed them off. Yeah, you know. You imagine, like, fucking, what's that, what's the fucking Starship Troopers?

Giant bugs? Yes. I imagine that stuff all the time because I was watching that like, you know, the day the dinosaurs died. This is like the kind of guy I am with these documentaries. And it's like, you know, whatever. Everything was gigantic, you know. And then the asteroid came and kind of reset the whole, like, you know, order of the who's going to be who.

And I was like, man, can you imagine just, like, walking around and it's just like everything is, like, towering over you and your food to everything is like, oh, man, this would be crazy. But they never figured anything out, which is really fascinating. With the asteroid? No, no, no. I mean, like, dinosaurs. They never got super intelligent like people.

True. That's the real question is, like, what was the thing that made the primates become a human being? Because if you look at what happened to dinosaurs, they just stayed dinosaurs. They got effective at staying alive, and then there was no reason to improve. I mean, I don't understand natural selection. This is just me talking. I agree with that.

But you know what I'm saying? It's like they never, as far as we know, they never built structures. They never developed cell phones. As far as we know they never built structures they never developed cell phones as far as we know we haven't found that yet imagine we found out they were really smart a palatologist they had computers and everything but when i was a kid when we go like to natural history museum and we see the big dinosaur like i was into that but then i hit that age where i was like boring i don't care about dinosaurs i care about robots let's see some robots and then when you go back and like now i'm like an adult you know i'm like oh yeah i kind of see what they're

talking about yeah because he's got the vertebrae and you know so i guess you get smarter when you get older you have more time to think about stuff but yeah i brought my kids to the museum in new york a few years back they didn't give a fuck about those dinosaurs they're just too there's too much stimulus for them now like they're like, oh yeah, big, big thing. Even DC, you ever go to all those great museums, all these amazing museums, and it's like, after an hour, you're like, okay, well, I got it.

The Vatican was the wildest one for me. No way. It's wild. In Vatican City? Yeah, in Rome. Oh, tell me about it. I'm into that. It's billions of dollars in art.

It's bananas how much art there is. Wow. You're walking through. They give you this guided tour, and you're walking through all this incredible art from 1,000 years ago, 1,500 years ago, 1,200 years ago. There's a fucking Egyptian obelisk in the center of this town court area. Really? Where the Vatican is.

It's a giant Egyptian obelisk. How did you get this here? How did they do that? It came from Egypt? Is it like a club? Do they wand you when you go in? Is it like that kind of a scene? No, you have to.

I mean, it's a tourist trap, right? So everybody goes to the Vatican. They have all these tourists to the Vatican. And they just guide you through the Vatican. You get to look at all this artwork. It's wild. It's a sovereign nation within Rome. They can make their own laws.

They got their own money, whatever they got. You can't extradite people. Really? So if you get in trouble, you know, sometimes you've heard priests get in trouble. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they do. They stick them over there. They hide them. And then you can't go anywhere. And they can't take you out of there.

But it's a great place to live. Do they have all, like the popes like you know basically i'm sure all the popes i didn't see it all one thing they did have in the center of the this area is this huge pine cone that's how me and this guy bonded he's like uh do you know the significance of the pine cone it's the pineal gland right he's like yes wow and he was like oh he got into it because i go so this is like a psychedelic drug reference he goes yes, yes. He goes, it's probably what it was. Really? Not exactly sure. But there's some significance to this gland that they thought at one point in time was like the seed of the soul. And that this gland is like the third eye. It's on reptiles. It actually has a retina or a lens. Like it's it's actually it's like placed where the third eye would be in Eastern mysticism.

And so that gland is always thought to have these magical properties. Do you think they used hallucinogenic psychotic drugs during their ceremonies? I think they did. I think they did. I think they did, and that's the subject of a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. This guy, John Marco Allegro, who was hired to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls. And this was a project that took 14 years. And they were looking at this,

the oldest version of the Bible. And at the end of this, this guy was an ordained minister, but he became agnostic as he's studying theology and he found the similarities and all these different stories. And he came up with this theory and he wrote this book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross,

that the entire Christian religion was really about the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals. Really? And that all these stories had to do, they were all like ways they hid these ancient ways. So if they got raided by the Romans, if you imagine, if some people lived, you know, 3,000, 4,000 years ago, and they found a bunch of mushrooms. And they started eating them and tripping balls and have all these revelations. We're all going to come together and be together as one, be loving. And they wrote down all these ideas and these stories. And they first of all passed them down orally before they even figured out how to write things for like 1,000 years.

True. And then they started writing them down. Like that sounds like what the story would be. And he traced back the word Jesus to an ancient Sumerian word that means a mushroom covered in God's semen. No way. Yes.

Really? See, it's hard for me to know who's right and who's wrong, right? Because if you wanted to break that down, you'd have to have this like very complex understanding of these ancient languages. That's amazing. There's no way I could know if he's right. I didn't even know mushrooms were alive. I thought it was like a regional thing.

No, because they were all over the world. I thought it was like North America, Europe. I didn't know it was like everywhere. I didn't know that. Well, they're definitely all over the world. Okay. And there's psychedelic compounds that are all over the world. There's certain places where they haven't found use of psychedelic compounds.

There's not like an extended history of use. But there's stuff like the ayahuasca and the Amazon, thousands of years, thousands and thousands of years. Mushrooms in Mexico. I think that we do it, of course, like for the party of it. Like very few people do it for like this enlightening thing. But back in the day, it was like for tea.

Like they would make it into a tea. And that became like, let's say you were sick or like you said, you were heading on a vision. but back in the day it was like a like for tea like they would make it into a tea yeah and that became like like let's say you were sick or like like you said you're heading on a vision or something like that but like the way we do any kind of drug now is really not how it was done or why it was done back then i know that you know what happened they poured water on all that shit in the 60s the 60s and the 70s when they made all psychedelic drugs illegal and i think it was 1970 right this sweeping psychedelics act they put everybody in jail they started raiding people they like they clamped down on people and marijuana arrests all that you would

go to jail in some places for the rest of your life you got caught selling marijuana sure so it was a scary ass time and they put the kibosh on what drugs were. Because before then, for like most of history, people have used all kinds of drugs. They've used opium, they've used cannabis, they've used mushrooms. And in different cultures, they were part of rituals that they would do. And this guy, Brian Murorescu who they actually opened up a field of study at Harvard about this particular subject because of his work. He found that the ancient Greeks, that what they were doing when they had these like enlightenment ceremonies, they all get together and talk and what was it called? Elucidian mysteries? Yes, that's how you say it they found that they had uh psychedelic compounds

in all their wine oh really so when they were drinking wine they were talking about wine their wine had like drugs in it really they were tripping balls while they were drinking wine no idea i knew that wine was like pretty much the only safe drink you know because i've been right right i love those documentaries like you know that was the only like uh type of water that they would drink because everything else was like people bathed in it, the animals, whatever in it. So that wine was really the way – because everybody's like, oh, they were drunk all the time. It's like, no, they were just trying to be safe. Yeah, well, then that's how they figured out it would be safe. They would drink beer.

They would drink beer and wine. Yeah. Beer you drink beer and wine yeah, but these guys were just What mara rescue is saying is that like in these ceremonies when they're talking about wine all their wine they mixed with stuff They mix with different herbs and spices and they would also mix with psychedelics, and they mix with ergot So they're mixing their wine with this stuff. That is a it's a compound that causes psychedelic vision Uh-huh it's very similar to LSD. So they found this stuff in these wine vessels. So now they have definitive proof that these people are doing this. So now they're going over all these fables and stories and all these different ways.

Oh, yeah. I get it. This is how they figured out democracy. I mean, democracy came from these conversations. I totally get that now. They were tripping balls. But LSD, that's all man-made, right? Well, LSD is-

But there is a natural equivalent version of it. There's natural compounds like ergot. Let's see, what's the difference between ergot and LSD? Ergot can kill you too, though. I don't know what- One of the things it does is it gets on rye, and when there's frosts and um the rye uh gets like an early frost and then when it comes back from the frost a lot of times it's poisoned by ergot if in places where that stuff exists and that shit is responsible for the 1950s it was like ergot poisoning in this like farm or this

town in france where they had a similar, and people started having visions of hell, and they thought they were dying. They were all tripping balls, and some of them did die from the poisoning of it. Ergot. Ergot does not contain lysergic acid diethylamide, but instead contains lysergic acid as well as its precursor, ergotamine.

So lysergic acid is a precursor for the synthesis of LSD. So it has some sort of LSD-like thing. It says, thankfully, LSD hallucinations are very different from the fiery visions of poor ergot victims. Wow. Has somebody done that? Anybody modern? Anybody recently? Oh, that's a good question.

Yeah. I don't know. It seems dangerous. dangerous yeah because a bunch of people it's poisonous see ergot a look at LSD's poisonous precursor so it the people Google 1950s farm France visions of hell so they they got ergot poisoning and people started seeing like demons and hellfire and a bunch of people died. It was real bad. It was real bad where people were poisoned by it. Worst thing coronavirus, this mysterious illness drove many to hell in the 1950s.

In the 1950s, people who suffered from the illness most likely ate bread made with contaminated rye flour. Most of the victims in France hallucinated visions of hell. The hallucinations were also thought to be witchcraft and 20 people were hanged. Of course. Holy fuck, man. Yeah, there you go. Some of them had tried to throw themselves

out of their windows to stop the imagination. Almost 300 people in the region were taken to hospitals and five died and 60 people ended up in psychiatric wards. But the suffering did not stop easily for many as some of the affected people again started to hallucinate the visions of hell almost a month later. So it was the rye.

Yeah. Yeah. And it killed some of them. So while many medical experts and historians claim that such mental health issues could have occurred due to rye ergot fungus, a parasite that latches onto rye crops and also wheat, barley, oats, and wild grains. In today's world, this mysterious ill still sparks debate in the medical world. But it makes sense if they could do a core sample, if they could do some sort of sample and find ergot,

or find that there was at least evidence of the environment where ergot could grow well what a cool name hellfire So that's also responsible for the they think the Salem witch trial. Yeah, he said the same sort of thing Mm-hmm. Yeah, which is pretty crazy, but it's cool to look at these events with the this kind of knowledge No, there are historians and chemical and chemists claimed the Greeks were using ergot as a chemical weapon and a psychoactive drug during the celebrations of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which were the secret rituals of the mystery school of Ulysses and were observed regularly from 1600 BCE to 392 CE. Wow. Wow. Holy shit.

Wow. That's crazy. So they did that for almost 2,000 years. So for almost 2,000 years, they were tripping balls. How do you come down off of that? I mean, honestly. Well, I think the Romans put the kibosh on it. I think what happens is the leaders put the kibosh on it.

And with Murrow Rescue's work, the book's called The Immortality Key. It's amazing. I listened to the audio version of it, and Brian does the reading of it, which is fantastic because he's a great orator. And nobody knows more about this subject than he does. But he said that they moved to other European countries. There's evidence that they had these rituals in other places when they got kicked out of Greece. Wow. I can't believe that.

Wild shit, right? Yeah. I really didn't know there was anything like LSD because I've always thought that that was kind of the top rung of whatever. But yeah, of course, the idea has to come from somewhere. Well, you know, Albert Hoffman found LSD. I think they were working on a drug to induce labor. No way.

Yeah, I think the drug was being developed to induce labor in pregnant women. And then he was working with it. I know I'm fucking this up. I'm sorry, people who are listening. But he was working with it, and I think he got it on his hands. And then he went on a bike ride home home and he realized he was tripping balls and figured out I think from that bike ride

that he had figured something out and that he had created this thing and that's LSD I know they use it for the PTSD they use it for a lot of things there's a lot of therapeutic ways to use the drug so unfortunately I think you've got to go. Is it legal here yet, or are you going to Mexico to do it?

I don't think it's legal here. It's still Schedule 1. But I think that's also some of the shit they did with mind control experiments, the MKUltra shit in the 1960s. They used to give it to Johns when they would go to brothels. That's like the CIA. Yeah. I saw that guy jumping out the window.

Operation Midnight Climax. I guess that's a whole other world of intrigue. They would hire prostitutes to give these guys LSD. So these guys would go to these whorehouses thinking they're just going to have some fun. And then all of a sudden they're dosed up with LSD and people are watching them through two-way windows. And I guess they were trying to figure out a way to break a guy to get his secrets, right? I think they were doing that. I think they tried it as a truth serum and then they were going to use it to interrogate people on and it didn't really work that way.

And then they were trying to use it to program people's minds. And they did a bunch of experiments with that. That's Timothy McVeigh. No, not Timothy McVeigh. Leary. Timothy Leary? Ted Kaczynski. Ted Kaczynski. That guy was a part of the Harvard LSD studies.

Oh, well, that makes some sense, right? Oh, yeah. They cooked his fucking noggin. Yeah. I think they cooked a lot of people's noggins. Wow. and noggin yeah i think they cooked a lot of people's noggins wow now would you if this something was like where you're like you know i could you can't do it recreationally right you got to do it like you know like i think it could like with an expert with you yeah i think if if

in a perfect world we would have centers where you could go and you could do psychedelics under medical supervision with people who are experts who know the right dose, who have a comfortable setting and have medical staff on hand in case anything goes sideways. That's what you're supposed to do. If you just do an acid that you got from some guy who works at the gas station, who fucking knows what's going to happen. Wow. I missed that whole boat, I guess. But I would definitely see how the LSD, like I just heard it's like one of those things like you want to quit smoking lsd you want to do this lsd like that's really the way to go you know mushrooms seem to have a similar effect so does uh there's something that's i haven't done it's supposed to be real rough though it's called ibogaine and ibogaine is uh from the aboga tree and it's apparently the best thing ever for getting people to quit any bad habits.

Really? Yeah, if you've got an addiction to whatever the fuck it is, especially like hard stuff like pills. From pills to porn. All the above. But it's apparently like ruthlessly introspective and it lasts a long time and it's very uncomfortable for people. Is that a South American thing too?

You can get that in Mexico, for sure. I know there's a lot of people that go down to Mexico to have those experiences because it's illegal in America for whatever reason. But it does something to actually reprogram your brain. Google that. How does Ibogaine reprogram your brain to bypass addiction or to cure addiction? I think it just gives you an understanding of where it's coming from, like where your impulsive, ridiculous, self-destructive, I have to gamble every day, where is that coming from? And it shows you where it's coming from in some way.

Ibogaine may work in reversing the effects of opiates on gene expression with resulting impacts on neuroreceptors, returning them to a pre-addiction condition which is crazy furthermore addictive loops and pathways in the brain are reversed wow yeah so that's that's that should be everywhere right that would be like if that if that was here that would be a billion dollar business i mean everybody would be taking that everybody should be i mean if you if you are a person who's addicted to opiates and there's a way that can actually, if that's true, stop the pathway and even reverse it. Why aren't we encouraging that? That seems like we have a giant problem in this country. It's the number one thing that kills young people

age 18 to 49 is a fentanyl overdose. Yeah. That's, that's some scary stuff. Fucking terrifying, man. Hey, do you know, let me ask you another question. You know all this stuff. So what do you think of this cold therapy stuff? You know what I'm talking about? Like with people,

like we've all done the cold shower, but like, you know, there's people, it's almost like, you know, the cold will not only reset your brain, but it also like with your body, it like, it sends, I don't even know what it does,

but it seems like it would work because I've taken like multiple cold showers and I'm like, with your body, it sends – I don't even know what it does, but it seems like it would work. Because I've taken, like, multiple cold showers, and I'm like, I do feel like my brain is working better. Yeah. Like, what do you think of that stuff? We do it. We have one here if you want to do it. You have, like, a chill tank? Yeah, cold plunge.

Nice. We've got this blue cube. Like, how long do you have to do that for that to really kick in? Like, you have to do that over, like – you know, it's got do that over like, you know, it's got to be like a lifestyle. You got to do that like every day, right? It's not going to happen one time. It's good for a lifestyle. That's why a cold plunge like a Morosco Forge or a Blue Cube, those are the best way.

And there's some other companies I'm sure that make them. That's the best way to do it because if you have something that's always cold, you can do it every day. Otherwise, you're going to have to buy ice every day. So unless you have an ice machine, if you have an ice machine, maybe that's the way. But do you really think that that's – But it's not as cold. That's a great way to fight depression and all that kind of stuff. It makes you feel really good.

It does. Yeah, and a combination with that and a sauna is my absolute favorite. Oh, yeah, that's – it spritz. Yeah, I love that. That's cool. To get in a nice hot sauna and then go right into the cold water and then you let your body warm up after the cold water don't go in the sauna again just let your body naturally warm up and that's where you get the most benefit out of it and you feel whoa afterwards yeah great but you are definitely awake after the cold i know that yeah a lot of people like to do it first

thing in the morning i know guys who are doing that instead of a cold shower in fact i think one of the gracies did did a video about it. That would help me. Yeah, it's a good way to get the morning going. I think a lot of people do it now. You feel like you accomplished something. You faced something that you didn't want to do. And you're like, I did it. Now the whole day's ahead of me.

Yeah, if you can get through three minutes of suck to start your day, the rest of the day's suck is going to be minor in comparison. It's fucking cold in there, man Yeah, it's hard. You got a you got a really you got to just dig in and do it. You got to tighten up your bowels But if you do it on a regular basis, there's definitely benefits to it definitely

benefits to like reducing inflammation and chemicals. Norepinephrine, I think, is what gets released. You feel real good afterwards. There's this guy. I guess he's the cold man, and he knows everything about that. You mean the ice man? The ice man, yeah. The cold man.

I'm talking about a guy who sits in a bath of coal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he has the world record for sitting in an ice bath, doesn't he? He's the guy. Something crazy. He did like nine hours or some shit. He's like,

this is the answer to everything. Yeah. What was his world record? This guy, yeah. Yeah, that's him. That is fucking awesome. Look at him. Wim Hof.

He's the fucking man. And he's all about deep breathing exercises. Yeah. He's a powerful presence, too. When you're around that guy, you get nervous. Look at him with the iceberg. Yeah.

He just climbs in water. But it's all his breathing. Yeah. I mean, there's courses that he has online. He teaches you his Wim Hof method of breathing. Very interesting guy. Very, very unusual. There's not a whole lot of dudes like him.

That's something I should do. But you smoke cigarettes. I know. Well, I would be some deep wheezing. Wim Hof. Oh, my God. One hour, 52 minutes. One hour and 52 minutes and 42 seconds,

something most people can only tolerate for a few seconds. How cold was it? That's like torture. That's like what they tolerate for a few seconds. How cold was it? That's like torture. That's like what they do when they torture you. How cold was the ice bath? That's insane. Oh, man. That's so long.

Look, he's getting a CAT scan. Doesn't say how cold it was. Like his brain must be wired so differently now from like years of that. Well, he traversed Mount Everest with sandals on I'm not kidding. Really? Yeah, like ice sandals. See we show that picture of him He's in shorts with ice and like to like pass the base camp all the way. Yeah to go to the top Holy Wow, is that that I see that suicide photos? No, he says it's easy He didn't get any kind of frostbite. He doesn's suicidal. No, he says it's easy.

He didn't get any kind of frostbite or anything? He doesn't want to do it again because it's too easy. Wow. It's amazing what you could do if you really have that. Look at him. When was that? Dude, he's on top of Mount Everest in his shorts. What the fuck? What the fuck, dude?

This is like a North Face. Look at that. What the fuck? This guy's out there in his shorts man on top of mount everest like what what is what's going on there and he looks like a regular guy that's what's crazy like when you see him he doesn't even look like an athlete it's only looks like luke rockhold or something he looks like a regular guy and it's all and he's just like it's his breathing and And, you know, he was a yoga instructor at one point in time.

He befriended the cold. Yeah. He's mastered areas of human performance that most people can't even begin to comprehend. And he's done it through breath work. It's really interesting. Tense guy. Were you ever that kind of guy? Like where you were like, you know, like a marathon running, like, you know, a run guy?

No, I never did a marathon. I used to run with my dog in the hills but um i was never like a runner yeah that was like there's like some people like uh like that's their they get that high and they get a high for sure i see them every day in new york that's like i'm like what are you doing why are you doing this you know they definitely get a high you high. There's a runner's high that's legit. It's some release of endorphins and all your blood's flowing and your mind thinks really well. So you can clear your mind from a good aerobic.

I mean, it doesn't have to be a run, but the idea is aerobic exercise. Something about good aerobic exercise, it drains your body of bullshit and it gives you a fresh perspective. Your body feels better when you do something like that. Do you do anything physical? I go to the gym in my clothes.

I wear these same clothes at the gym. Do you really? I was doing kettlebells for a while, and I felt like that was the perfect fit for me. And then after a while, I just moved on to other stuff. Why do you go to the gym in regular clothes? I'm not a gym guy. Like, I never feel comfortable there. They don't tell you you have to wear gym clothes?

No, they're cool with me because I'm like the old guy at the gym. And it's like a legit, it's like a fight. It's a fight gym, you know, a lot of Muay Thai. Really? All that kind of stuff. So it's funny in the locker room where I'm like, am I sweaty?

And these kids, they're all like tatted up. I always say it's like walking into a Malaysian prison. You know, it's like tigers on someone's back and there's like crazy eyes, you know, staring at you, the stink eye. But like, they're really cool to me. And like, you know, the kettlebells, I was doing that for a while. But to be honest, like on

the road, I think I've always gotten the most out of just like jumping rope. Jumping rope's great. Push-ups and sit-ups and things like that. Just stuff you could do in your room. Yeah. But now it's like always about like, oh, where's the hotel gym? I got to get down there and do my,

it's like, that's not for me, you know? One of my best workouts I ever did in a hotel room, I was, I just pushed the bed to the side and I did yoga. I just followed a book and I felt so good after it was over. I was like, look at that. I just did it just in this room by myself. I do think yoga is the most misunderstood of, like I know a lot, and I felt so good after it was over. I was like, look at that. I just did it just in this room by myself. Don't you think yoga is the most misunderstood? I know a lot of people who are like, I've got to lose weight, so I'm going to start doing some yoga.

I'm like, that's not really going to do that for you. You're talking about a long-term thing here. It takes a long time for that to even take effect on you. Yoga can make you lose weight for sure, but dieting makes you lose weight. Right. That's really what you got to do that's different. What do you think of this intermittent fasting thing? It's good.

It's good? Yeah, I think it's good to give your body some chance to digest things. Oftentimes we're like packing food on top of food that's not even digested yet, and there's more food coming. I eat one meal a day and I'm still fat, so I really do.

When do you eat? I eat late, like like two three shows yeah i won't eat before because then i get tired it's terrible so you don't eat until like two three in the morning then you go to sleep and you do it all over again sometimes it's so funny like i'll eat like at five in the morning and i'm like oh my god this is terrible and then like i won't sleep till like 11 and i'm like you go to sleep at 11 a.m like an adult shouldn't be living like this you know and I'm not wasted I'm not high or anything like that it's just straight up like nerves tension you know just like you know trying to finish something then forget it you know I'm not gonna do it just sit here and smoke you know so it's it's pretty sad but it's still like

I like that weird crazy meal at the end of the day like I could never eat before I go on stage you know there's a lot of guys I know who I work with who are like yeah i gotta eat like like the like as they're announcing my name i need to eat something i need that energy i was never that guy so i can eat like an hour and a half before but no later than that yeah if it gets an hour before i go on stage that's not good and you can't eat carbs can't i've done that before we eat like a bowl of spaghetti and like or like a steak or something i can eat a steak you can't eat carbs can't i've done that before we eat like a bowl of spaghetti and like or like a steak or something i can eat a steak you can eat a steak right no problem yeah that doesn't seem to be a problem it's what you eat with the steak it's not the steak itself it's

usually with me fries and baked potatoes sour cream i didn't know you ate that kind of stuff i eat that stuff yeah well i shouldn't eat that stuff well you're in the right place i mean texas i mean it's almost like a law here you gotta eat that yeah most of what i eat i eat pretty clean but i'll go off the rails every now and some french fries and some bullshit but relatively better than i've ever been before like i'm pretty good with my diet yeah but i like food man food's fucking delicious i like pizza sometimes sometimes i think it's important just to give yourself just a little mouth pleasure. You just got to be careful you don't do it too much.

That's all it is. I think moderation is good for everybody. And do you eat any of those, like, you know, what is it? Like, you know, there's all these, like, designer dessert stuff. Like, do you do that? You're not a chocolate guy, right? You know what's great? You ever have Craig's vegan ice cream?

No. You know Craig's in L.A.? No. He makes a vegan ice cream. I know you're like, oh, my God, vegan. It's fucking great. It's with cashew butter. Yeah.

It's delicious. It's this creamy, delicious ice cream. It's not good for you. It's got sugar in it. But it's vegan, though, right? Yeah. But it's like, if you want to talk about like a designer dessert, that one is legit. To be honest, you know, I drink coffee all day long.

And like drinking a bottle. Drinking a bottle. I would love some. Yeah. Drinking a bottle of water is like a big deal for me. Right. I remember one time I was on the USO tour and we were like in Kuwait or Iraq or something like that. Cheers.

And it's like, to you, buddy. To you, brother. It was like 115 degrees. And they're like, are you hydrating? And I go, yeah, I'm drinking all this coffee. They go, well, you're going to die because that's taking fluids out of your body. You know, you got to drink just straight up water here. I'm like, really?

And then I felt like I was like dizzy. I was like, where's that water, buddy? Hey, let me get a hose. You know, so. I think you get some water from coffee, but it's also a diuretic. Coffee is terrible, man. I drink it all night. I love it. You do?

Yeah, I love coffee. I kind of see you as a guy with like you've conquered all these demons. Yeah, but sometimes I like to dance with them. Go back and dance with the demon of coffee, especially. I don't know. The demon of marijuana. I do know that if I don't drink it, I get that super headache of, like, where's the coffee? I did that before.

Your brain. That's a tough thing to quit. It's a weird one because you realize you're addicted and you didn't know. You're like, ooh, I woke up and I had a headache. I'm like, oh, my God. But that was actually sodas. I was drinking these sodas. I had a headache.

I'm like, oh, my God. But that was actually sodas. I was drinking these sodas. I got into this kick of writing really late at night, and I would drink these. They had these crazy, like, small batch sodas they were selling in L.A. They were spicy. They had, like, crazy levels of caffeine in them, and they had, like, skulls on the label and shit. And all these, like, wild labels. Like death coffee, right?

Something like that, but it was filled with sugar and filled with caffeine. And I was drinking those things when I was writing. And I was getting so much caffeine. And then one day, I woke up in the morning, and I didn't have one. And I didn't have any coffee or anything, and I had a headache. And I was like, oh, no. Your brain needs it. I'm addicted. I have a headache because i was like oh no your brain i'm addicted i have a headache because i'm not getting the caffeine like this is not good

you know uh when i was a little kid my mom used to give us a cup of tea before we went to bed i guess she had like an english thing like we were little english lords and ladies but i was like i was like even then i was knowing like hey i don't think we're supposed to be drinking this kind of drink right before maybe uh hot chocolate or cocoa or something. But it's like, you know, you're sitting in your bed, you're buzzing. You know, you're like 12, you know. So I was like, I think that's where it started. You know, I need that kind of caffeine going there.

Well, they give you sugar first. Sugar breakfast cereal, that's the biggest jolt of fucking drugs you're ever going to get as a kid. Remember those? I love it. That's the biggest jolt of fucking drugs you're ever going to get as a kid. Remember those? I love it. The only place you see those old brands now, you have to go to a really D-level hotel when they give you the free breakfast.

Right. There you are, Honeycombs Jr. I knew sugar pops didn't go out of style. I had some the other day. I forget where I was. Well, Froot Loops is classic. I just haven't had it in a long time, and it looked good. I'm like, let me try that. I forget where I was. Well, Froot Loops is classic, so. I just haven't had it in a long time, and it looked good. I'm like, let me try that.

I forget what it was. I think it was Honey Nut Cheerios. That's what it was. And I was like, this is fucking delicious. Do your kids, do they like, because these kids, I don't even know. I guess it took with this organic food thing. That's like they love to talk about it. And is there like an organic omelet or some kind of stuff? They don't eat that kind of stuff, right? They eat everything. Oh, they do? Okay, that's like they love to talk about it and you know uh is there like an organic omelet

or some kind of stuff they don't eat that kind of stuff right they eat everything oh they do yeah but they eat healthy they like they see us eating healthy and they they but we eat bullshit too i'll let them eat like cheetos and yeah fucking i you know have some fun but it's also like your foundation of what what's fueling your body should be really good nutrition. Right. So they'll take vitamin supplements and they're smart. They're smart. They eat healthy.

They have good appetites. Good meal and bad meal. Yeah, but it's also like we don't put pressure. Like my pressure is like I want you to get nutrition, but I also say let's have fun. Let's go have some dessert. Let's go eat some bullshit have a churro let's fuck around you know both those things let's talk about the menu at the new club what are we thinking no menu no food fuck out of here you don't want food and comedy

i always love when they have that extensive menu like don't you want to hear a don't you want to eat a lobster tail as a guy does an impression? People are clinking and cutting, you know, chicken parmesan right in front of you. Like, get out of here.

That's crazy. You ever work Lexington, Kentucky? No, I don't think, man, maybe I did. That's bourbon country.

No, I did. Wasn't there an improv there? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I forget what the name of the club was. I think I did it one night.

It was a little club. They're a great crowd and I'm, you know, Louisville, Lexington, whatever. It's a cool region, a cool market, nothing like it. But I was like, so what's on the menu here? And they're like, bourbon? What else do you need?

It's like people come here, they're going to drink, and they're going to watch you, and that's it. There's not going to be any kind of fancy, this isn't a fancy sit down. It's like, let's get the business. And I was like, good. That's the way to do it. There's not going to be any kind of fancy, you know, this isn't a fancy sit down, you know. It's like, let's get the business. And I was like, good. That's the way to do it.

Perfect. The places with food, I get it. You're trying to make some extra money and also trying to like kill two birds with one stone. Go and have some food, watch a good comedy show.

Nothing wrong with that. Yeah. But it's not ideal. Right. It does get in the way. It's just weird. I'm just used to it now like where there's like

the food on the tables and you can see the people like with the spinach the spinach tip you know yeah waiting on the punchline but it's fine that's cool too you know it's no big deal but it's just i don't want to do it in my club i don't mind it like i go to i'm not snob if i go somewhere and people are eating it's fun you know but it's like it's not the best way to do it oh for sure it's not the best way to do it is your phones are locked up in a yonder bag, you're fucking sitting there, and you're just focused. You're having fun.

Have a few drinks or not, you know, whatever. Have a good time. You just were at MSG, right? Yeah. There's nothing like that room, you know? That's a wild room. It's a weird room to be doing stand-up in. It just seemed so

strange i mean i did that 9 11 benefit there and there was like so many great comics on it chapelle closed it out of course you know there's no other way to do it and like stewart was there and uh mulaney and uh michael che every was there and it was like they also had like guys like me we were coming in doing it was like the sound was perfect and like everybody there like they had a drink maybe maybe or something like that but there was really

no food or anything everybody was like focused on the show so you could almost feel it because I'm coming from the club world and you're like you know there's a lot

of things going on somebody's bringing out a fiery dish you know all that kind of stuff so it was like a different kind of game you know

well you should do more of those big shows because they're fun I don't know if I could I'll bring you with me. I'll do it. Come on, let's do something.

If I'm ever in the neighborhood, I would love to go up and just say hi. Come on, we'll book something together. All right, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's have some fun. Let's split the difference. I can't sell out Madison Square Garden,

but I think I could sell out the Dwayne Reed next to it. So let's go there. Maybe we'll stop a smash and grab. That would be great. We can kill two birds with one stone. I saw a smash and grab today on YouTube. It was wild. They just went into this store and started ripping cell phones off the walls.

It's definitely not Ocean's Eleven. These kids, they're freestyling it. It's crazy. And they're all wearing masks, which you're allowed to wear now. Uh-huh. So it's like, how are you going to catch them? You made wearing masks okay. So everyone's wearing a mask, and they're just running in there and stealing shit.

This stuff is like, honestly, it's like I never thought this was going to be on the other side of this. But the thing that's really getting me now, and I think you probably will agree, is that like, you know, I don't know. I hate to be hacky and do kind of a joke. But it's like, I didn't know as Americans we have the right to like go to a fast food place. And if there's something wrong, we can hop the counter and beat a man to death. like, I didn't know as Americans we have the right to, like, go to a fast food place, and if there's something wrong, we can hop the counter and beat a man to death. Like, I didn't know that. Whatever happened to just eating what you get or walking away?

Like, somehow this is like some kind of honor killing. You have to confront this man, this poor kid. This poor kid making seven bucks an hour, you have to confront him, and like, you know, whatever. It's ridiculous. I never thought I would live to see that. It blows me away there's nothing like a late night fast food barn brawl well this is not like a punch up like hey what's up what did you say to me at the rodeo

you know hey this is like full tilt like but those barn burner brawls where people like everybody's piling on top of everybody and smashing like a barroom brawl. Like an OK Corral. An OK Corral fight at a 2 a.m. Waffle House or something. The IHOP. Everyone's favorite throwdown joint. There's something about getting drunk people late at night in those fucking places. And the poor people that work there. Honestly, it's like they should be getting combat pay.

How often do you see a brawl at a fucking Waffle House if you work there? Honestly, it's like they should be getting combat pay. How often do you see a brawl at a fucking Waffle House if you work there? Like every other day. And the people who do work there are like shell-shocked. They're like, what the hell's in yours there?

It's like, what are you having? They're like looking, like checking the corners. How about just the fact that there's no late night food anymore? Everything closes early. People are afraid to stay open.

What is this one? The guy that had the axe. He pulled an axe out of his back. Yeah, that was in New York. That's one of ours. This guy took all these punches. Why is he getting beat up? I don't know what happened.

It's like the same normal thing, you know, like a fight at McDonald's at night. Then he pulls out the axe. Oh, yeah? Yes. I'm from New York. The axe man. He starts fucking everybody up.

This guy. And here he is. That's him? They talked to him afterwards. Right on the street. Right on the street. Look at his ears. You got the holes, giant holes in his ears.

This guy is ready to go, man. He had an axe with him. Yeah. You can get him at Home Depot. That's what he said. He might be in trouble. Might be. It seems like not good.

But he did show a little bit of restraint letting those dudes punch him. Yeah. No, it was the whole thing of like, that's all you got. He kept saying, that's all you got. The video went viral because you got because of that but fuck that's just another day in new york the wawa in philadelphia oh yeah that video it's hilarious this lady goes are you gonna make sandwiches are you just gonna keep recording them she wants her sandwich can you believe it yeah behind the counter and she's so nonplussed by this chaos behind her she's like are you guys gonna make sandwiches are you guys going to make sandwiches

or are you just going to keep recording them? I want a fucking sandwich. I don't care about this. That's amazing because when you're not from Philly, you love a Wawa. You're like, man, this is so much better than 7-Eleven. This is so much better than everything. And then for them to desecrate it like that.

It's the craziest group activity in a store that I've ever seen. Because they all just decided to go nuts. And it's not a small amount of people. It's a lot of fucking people. And they're just grabbing shit off the shelves and throwing shit on the ground. This girl, she just wants a sandwich. But at least she beat the line. You know, everybody's distracted.

Oh my God, this is so crazy. Philadelphia police said they found approximately 100 juveniles inside the Wawa, but made no arrests. Why would you arrest somebody? I mean, why make an arrest? It happened to me when I was at a 7-Eleven here, just one guy though. I was going to walk to pay for a Snickers bar or something, and as

I was going to walk up, he just grabbed something and walked right out. It seemed like it happened on a nightly case, like a nightly basis. Oh, yeah. I'm sure it does. They can't stop them now. It doesn't happen

when they're at a protector. I'm sure people just steal things now because in certain places, like in San Francisco, if you don't steal 900 bucks worth of stuff, they don't even do anything.

They don't. So it has to be more than 900 bucks worth of stuff. So people are going in there and just stealing whatever the fuck they want as long as it's not 900 bucks worth,

they just leave. In New York, like that happens so much much that like you'll see it happen and then like they'll try and be very like woke about it like you know hey you know people need things whatever and then you'll see the same guy from the news selling this stuff like on the street like walking down you need some tide you need some tide because they're trying to make some money but at the end of the day that store will go out of business. They'll shut it down. I mean, they are a company. They've got to make money.

So five people lost their jobs. There's no neighborhood store now for people to get. So the whole idea of no one's really getting hurt with this is not true. It's really incredible to see how bad it is. It's a wild time, Dave. It is wild times. They really are wild. know i feel like i'm too old to boost you know like i don't have it in me anymore when you when you uh see how were you around in new york in the 90s when it was crazy in time square yeah is it like that to you or worse i I think that maybe because I'm older and I'm a homeowner now, you know, like, you know, I'm like, what is going on here?

Kids. Yeah, these kids. But I think that this is just a sense of entitlement of people that do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it. Like driving like mopeds on the sidewalk, doing all that kind of stuff. know hey if i feel like uh you know driving erratically i'm gonna do it if i feel like walking down the street holding like a piece of metal and yelling at people i'm gonna do it because it's more of a hands-off kind of scene in new york now you know like just basically like we're not going to get involved until like actually something happens so you know uh uh if you got like young kids or business or something like that you really are in a bad place at the wrong time you know like outdoor dining there and guys come up and just start screaming at you rip something off

your table you know that kind of thing i always tell the tourists that come to this so i go watch out and i'll go like you know the way you're holding your bag don't hold it like that it's too easy you know like put it this way they get a like, whoa, I didn't know it was like that. And the subway is a whole different world down there. You know, that's like, you know. The subway is wild. Yeah. The subway is wild.

It's wild to be contained. Did you see the video of Henzo Gracie getting in a fight on the subway? That was cool. He said he fucked his knee up. I ran into him like. Oh, he did? Yeah, I ran into him like, I guess a week and a half or so later. Talk about a great situation for what he does.

Yeah. Like, that's it. Exactly. And what a terrible move by that guy. Just tell him to speak English. He's like, my friend, you know. He did the right thing though, right? Yeah.

He's like trying to deescalate. He didn't even hurt him. He just threw him to the ground and controlled him and put him in a stranglehold and let him go. Right. And told him to apologize. Well, I don't know if you know. It was right there. Like, out of all the people to fuck with, you fucked with Henzo Gracie.

That's such a huge mistake. He just controlled him. The dude's trying to punch him and Henzo's on top of him. He's like, no, son, you're not going anywhere. Head and arm control, half guard, puts a smushosh down on him and he's strangling him right now wow it's just a terrible terrible mistake they didn't roll out to the people in the world oh my god thank god yeah that would have been so scary that would have been pushing people on the track hearing about that kind of stuff like yeah yeah yeah. Yeah, that's New York, man.

That's just the way it is. There's a lot of towns like that now. Just like where it's like, oh, I guess that's the way it is. Have you been to Portland lately or no? Portland's wild. Yeah. Portland is so weird that like the Helium Club, they're a very cool club. And that neighborhood is kind of like it's like the warehouse art district or something like that.

And they have a serious housing problem there. it's very sad and all that stuff but i talked to somebody who like uh you know like whatever who lives there and i go so uh these people are allowed to you know put up like whatever they want wherever they want he goes yeah and they really you know like the sad thing is like fires you know like something will happen and like yeah you know it could uh catch fire so're cooking meth in a tent. Could be. Yeah, they're cooking meth in a little plastic house. What could go wrong?

So it's like, talk about like, I don't know. You didn't see that coming. No, no one saw that coming. I didn't see it. Someone just filmed it the other day and sent it to me. They were in Portland. Showed me this road they went down. All the tents and how crazy it is and how dense it is.

It's like, wow. You're not going to do anything about that? You're just going to let that happen? Doesn't that seem like a fucking safety hazard, a public safety hazard, a health hazard, all the above hazards? Isn't it litter? It's also litter. It's litter.

It's like in New York, they have the outdoor dining. Have you seen these things? Yeah. It's like a manger. It's like basically, it's like, you know, you might as well do a reenactment in there you know but like they were having like people having sex in there and all because we're all making jokes about it and everything like that but it's like why wouldn't they it's like too tempting i mean like why wouldn't you there's no one in there with you you gotta you know like christen it basically you know

make it your own but it's just, filthy and I don't know. I guess, you know, if people really want the grunge of New York, you're seeing it right now. Do you still enjoy living there? No. Have you thought about bailing? I can't. I can't because of my mom, you know. I've got to be close.

I have trouble being on the road more than, like, three or four days because I feel like I can't go overseas. I'm afraid that I might have to come back, you know. I get it. But other than that, like, you know where I was thinking? Vegas. Vegas is a great place. Yeah, but then the real heat hits me again, and I'm like, I don't know if I could do this 24-7 all year long. Yeah, they stay indoors.

Vegas has, they got their electrical system down. Do they? They don't have blackouts in Vegas. Yeah, no, that's- Think about all the AC they got running, all the casinos, all the money involved. They keep the AC on. And now that there's weird stuff happening in Vegas, like a deluge of water, weird stuff like that, because I have friends who live there, and they're like, yeah, it snowed here

the other- That was a couple years ago, and then now it's like, yeah, no, there's water on the floor in the casino, that kind of stuff. Yeah, they got floods. I guess they're in the middle of whatever the climate change thing is happening. You can see it Vegas style, you know? Well, I think they got a long period of drought, right? Yeah.

So the Lake Mead was drying up. How cool is that? They find bodies in there. Wild. Isn't that neat? Wild. That is really cool. We all thought those were stories.

No. Now we see it was all real. No, those are real bodies. They found murder victims, all kinds of shit. They found boats. They found dudes stuffed in a drum. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, they found boats. I think they found like five bodies now. Crazy. Yeah. Cement. What can cement do? I mean, just think about what Vegas must have been like during the mob days. 70s, yeah.

Can you imagine? That's when it was an adult Vegas, not like now, where it's like all these little things to do for kids. But it must have been so dangerous. Well, Stanhope, I think that's where he started was in Vegas. Yeah. I think that's like he's one of the few guys that started in Vegas. Yeah, he did his first.

There's a scene there now, because you've got to think they have the cellar now in Vegas. They have the Laugh Factory in Vegas. Jimmy Kimmel's, I think, went under, right? No, I think that's still going. Is it still going? I don't know, but they have, yeah, you're right. Brad Garrett.

Brad Garrett's got a great fucking room. Brad Garrett's been there for decades now. Been there forever. And they have other rooms, too. There's a couple other rooms. Now, let me ask you a question. Okay. Vegas versus Atlantic City.

What do you think? I like Vegas better. Yeah. I like Atlantic City, but it seems like sometimes it's like a little bit of a bitter, sad Vegas. But I love Atlantic City just because of the sadness of it. It's the sadness you like? It's one of those where you walk out on the boardwalk and you're like, it's immediately a Death Wish movie. For some reason, there's steam and there's people coming at you through the steam.

Fog, weird, scary sounds, a lot of scary, you know, weird stuff like that. We saw quite a few people that looked to be involved in the drug trade. Oh, sure. They were selling and buying and procuring various substances. That's a hub. Just walking around out there. Yeah, but it's better than no Atlantic City. Yeah, for sure.

Shows there are fun. Restaurants are great. Not bad. But it's funny. Same thing with Coney Island. When you look at the pictures from the 40s, like a guy wearing his big suit, his bathing suit, whatever, and then you look at these places now,

and you're like, what happened? How do they fix that, Dave? How do they fix the homeless problem in Portland and the tents and the chaos and all the extra violence? How do they fix it? I have no idea. I'm not that guy. I'm not a big picture guy. All I can say is a little good can go a long way.

You know what I'm saying? Basically, and I'm not talking about handouts either. Like, you know, give a guy a job, you know, that kind of a thing. But I would say there's a lot of people that the lifestyle is just like, you know, like, like we have a lifestyle. There's a lifestyle to live in, like off the grid, too. And that a lot of people would rather, you know, live in a car and like, you know, then have to deal with a lot of these things and do their drug or whatever they want to do and just, like, kind of, like, say, you know,

I don't need to be a part of that. And if they can get by on very little, then they'll do it, you know. But I'm not giving them an excuse. I'm just saying I believe in free will, and I think you do too, that people do make choices, you know. Yeah, I think that's the case sometimes. And also the problem is where they're doing it, right? Just do it on the city streets.

You can't just, like, decide that's where you live. That's crazy. We've always had, like, order in that. And that's why people get along so well. It's like they observe each other's space. True. When you have a house in Venice and it's worth $5 million and right outside your house is, like, 50 tents. Yeah.

Who wants to move there? No, you can't sell that house now. house in Venice and it's worth $5 million and right outside your house is like 50 tents. Yeah. Who wants to move there? No, you can't sell that house now. And then if now they're allowing people to like go into your backyard, like they won't kick them out. They won't do anything about it. Well, like, you know, the free zone or whatever that was, the free zone in Portland or Seattle, whatever that was.

Seattle, yeah. Something like that. And I was like, yeah, these people are creating their own society. Unfortunately, I got a stationary store near this free society, and I'm basically going out of business. I've got to pull my kid out of college now. I was like, well, that's not fair. But don't say that out loud.

The problem is they were deciding that it was okay to take over people's property by force. Right. Whether they realized that or not, that's what they're deciding. The only reason why people weren't reclaiming all their property and going back into that area is because they were scared. So the problem with that is if you decide that you're righteous and you're doing this for a good reason, what if someone decides that they're righteous and then they come in and take it back from you? Yeah. And then you're just legalizing stealing through an ideology like you think it's okay capitalism is evil and fuck the police and we're gonna like we're gonna run

this place on our own but if you notice what happened they immediately started behaving like warlords they attack people that pulled out phones they beat people up they that one person got shot and killed yeah and then eventually everyone came to their senses. But the fucking mayor was hilarious. She said, maybe it's the summer of love. Right. Did you see that? I saw a lot of excuses for what was going on there.

But the one thing that they, on the news, they would especially try and take some of the mean out of it and be like, but a free organic breakfast for all. Doesn't matter who you, they give them a cup of granola or something like that. Now go out and have a... Go out and beat a guy with a tire iron. Yeah, we're going to make an amazing society. It's going to grow from here. What kind of crackpot plan of the future do you have?

I don't know. Steal the bank and light the fucking police department on fire, and then you're going to eventually become the best society ever right in the middle of Seattle. Well, it's weird how back in the day, chain snatching, do you remember that? You're on a subway, you're a group of people, and some guy would come by and snatch a girl's chain off

or something like that. I think it's popular again. Well, but now it's also phones. Let me get your phone. Oh, no. Let me take your digital life from you. It's like basically reaching in and grabbing your soul like right out of you like now you have now you can't communicate you know that kind of thing so i was always like it's amazing how they kept

kept pace with just the world but i guess chains watches all that kind of stuff will always be it's booty that's what it is you know yeah know, basically. Yeah, and you can sell them. Yep. You know, you can sell a lot of stuff. People buy a lot of hot stuff. Luckily, I'm not a bling man. Luckily. Yeah. I don't think I'm going to have to wrestle a guy from my flip phone, you know. That thing must have a battery that goes for days, huh?

It's awesome. And it is a weapon, basically. You can throw that. You can beat a man together. How often do you charge that? Every other day. No, no, pretty much every day. But it's still like,

talk about dropout service. You'll lose them and you'll never hear from them again. That kind of thing. It's supposed to be like an emergency construction site's phone, but I don't know about that. Is it like 3G at least? 4G. Oh, you get 4G. It's going to work on Mars.

Some old guys still hang on, but I think some comics, it's a good thing for them. It's good for me. Yeah. It definitely is. You don't want to be connected all the time to everything. I'm not good that way. It's too much.

And I can only imagine, like, you get all that feedback from the show, you know, it's like you can fall into that rabbit hole. Don't do it. Yeah, don't do it. I tell everybody, stay away from the comments. Do you write in front of a computer? Do you write in front of a notebook? How do you write? That's a good you know look cuz a lot of the young ones They're always like what's the process and I'm always like, you know I've gotten the most out of it with writing ideas down trying to make it as strong as possible

Going on stage taping it and then listening to it and they are always like that's it and I'm like it's pretty much You know like kind of like watching your swing you know yeah and like you see what's wrong with it and you can correct it and it's like until i hear it on stage i really don't even know what it is so the writing part i used to beat myself up for hours like okay why am i not seinfeld seinfeld was notorious he could write it to stage like it would be like almost perfect and he would bring it on stage and it was done and i was like i want to be like that i want to be that guy and i never could do it it would be always like okay well these are funny words and this is a left turn okay i'm up there nothing then i'd listen to it and i go oh i see what i was doing wrong you know so it really did

help me correct a lot of uh my uh i guess joke writing but like uh in terms of bad habits and stuff like that, that's when you listen to the tape, that's where you hear all those bad habits. You're saying a word that you didn't even know you're saying. You're ending everything with a huh, or some weird noise, like mm. Why is that in there? Why do I do that?

Is that a nervous tick? But how about you? You said that you would stay up and you would write out. Yeah, today's the first day I wrote first thing in the morning. Because I got up in the morning and I had this hankering to write, so I sparked up a joint and I wrote first thing in the morning. So I was writing at like 8 o'clock. So you write every day then?

I don't write every day, but I write a lot. You do? Yeah, I write at least four or five days a week. Wow. And I try to write at least for a couple hours. That's good work ethic. I try to just, a lot of it's nonsense. A lot of it's not going anywhere.

It's like I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bing something, maybe later, check it out later. And then I'll go back later and go over it, and I'll pull that, I'll copy and paste it into a new word file, and I'll say, okay, what's in here for me? And I start writing out shit. When you said that a lot of it's garbage, that's what it is, man. It's panning for gold.

And it's also like once you do get that gem, nothing else feels like that. You're like, wow, where did that come from? I can't believe that. And then you look at all the garbage that you had to get to. It is like canning. You're looking for the magical can there, you know? Yeah. And, you know, it's just forcing yourself to sit down and write.

It's so important. Some comics don't want to do it. They just have the idea and they just kind of want to go on stage with an idea. And that's cool, too. I don't think there's any right way or wrong way to do it. But for me, I have definitely found that if I sit down and write, more shit come out i will come up with more concepts i'll come up with more premises i'll come out with more angles the premises is the hardest i think because i like my jokes like i can i can change the punchline a million different ways but it's the um you know committing to like the

premise like you know what is this about and how does this fit together? That to me is the real work of it. But when you say like you sit down with pen and paper on the computer and you're writing, like I would do that sometimes just to basically go like, I want to get out every bad idea I have right now and I'm going to just sit here for an hour and I'm going to just type anything that's happening to me. I used to do that when I was really young. I would like, I am not writing anything good. I'd write in my notebook just to turn the page. And I was like, if anything, you know, what it does is it just, it just tells your brain that like,

you're working on this right now and that you're going to focus on it. So for me, it was good. Cause I'm not a real disciplined guy, but that was like something that I really did, you know, take to early in comedy of like material i respect it i want it i want to be able to have new material all the time i don't want to waste stage time so i really committed to that everybody wants it just it's like there's a thing that musicians do that we don't do in that they practice they don't just go on stage yeah they practice like remember mo better blues yeah on stage. They practice. Like, remember Mo Betta Blues? Yeah.

I remember watching Denzel Washington, that movie, being so, like, envious of that kind of discipline. Right. The discipline to work on your craft all the time, even when he was not performing on stage. He, like, remember his girl was trying to have sex with him? He's like, no, no, no.

I don't remember it that well. He's like, I've got to practice. And this is his thing. Like, he was this amazing trumpet trumpet player and he had to practice and so i remember watching that thinking man we had that kind of work ethic with comedy like if we worked on comedy like the same way like that obsessive all day long you'd have to get better you'd have to get better yeah you have to get better and you also have to you know I don't say but it's like you have to look at the joke you have to look at the joke a million different ways before you realize that like you know okay this

is like like I said earlier with chunks of material like where else can this go can't just be a standalone like I there's got to be more to it and that's the thing of like bring it on stage and now like okay I want to try it this way I want to try it this way I want to try it that way so to me that's that's when people go like don't you get bored saying the same thing it's like no i'm never saying the same thing you know it's like it's always a little different so you're always tweaking it tweaking it turning it over you know like seeing if it can stand different places in the show you know when was the last time you filmed um I'm coming up on shooting something soon,

but I would say that I did that road work probably like five, six years ago or something like that. When do you think you'll want to do it? When do you think you'll want to film? I don't know. I think I'm going to, maybe before the end of the year,

maybe beginning of next year, but I know the hour for me has always been tough getting that much joke without fat in it. But I would say that the half hour I find so interesting. I watched Earthquake's half hour and I was like, man. Thunderous.

It was great. And I was like, he's having fun. He knows what he's doing. The crowd gets him. They're all having a great time. It's not like this big kind of set piece battle, you know what I'm saying? Where it's like you know uh the first 10 minutes you know and then you can tell and then it gets that midpoint of like now he has to restart

the special again you know that kind of thing and then bring it at home like that's difficult you've done it it's tough you know so i was like the half hour to me seems the right amount of time for people's attention span and also for me with what i do to get out like what i want to say and then get out of there right well then do that are you are you would you release it on Netflix would you go the YouTube route what would you do these days I'll have to ask you when I get closer because I really don't even know what to do I really don't have that kind of pull to like you know say hey I want to do it here or there but there's so many different types of platforming now that like it would be dumb to

really kind of lock it in before you even see it, you know. But I definitely I definitely want it to be, you know, a club show, you know, like because that's what I've done. And I'm coming to the end of this anyhow. So I want, you know, to kind of go out the way I do it. And the end of this, the fuck are you talking about? Well, I don't see many, you know, like whatever. You know, people always like, come on, you're like Don Rickles. You'll do it forever. I go, I'd like to, but I don't want to have to, you know, like, whatever. You know, people are always like, come on. You're like Don Rickles. You'll do it forever.

I go, I'd like to, but I don't want to have to. You know? Right. You know what I'm saying? Right. You don't want to be up there like, oh, my God. I got that, you know, I got to pay that alimony, you know, that kind of thing. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. So, anyway, I don't know. I mean, I think Netflix has been cool for a lot of people. Netflix is great. I think HBO, all these different places, they all have like, there's something interesting about all of them. What do you like? Now I think the beautiful thing is your fans will find it, no matter where it is.

Yeah. Your fans will find it if it's on Netflix. Your fans will find it if it's on HBO. The question is like, what's going to bring in the most new fans? True. And I think there's a lot of people that, I know you hate compliments. You're one of the best comics alive. And I don't think people realize how funny you are. People say that to me, but it means something else when it comes from you, so thanks, Joe.

Really, it does, and I'm not stroking you or anything like that. We all say that, we all say that, you know, we all love you. All right, well, thanks, man. And it's, the rest of the world should see what the fuck you're doing. So whatever you do, whether you do it on YouTube or whether you do it on Netflix or HBO or whatever, people need to watch it. They need to get a glimpse. Thank you.

It's great, man. Last time I saw you live was a couple of years back at the improv. It was so much fun, man. That was your show. Yeah, it was so much fun. I didn't tell you how nervous I was, did I? No. I was like, I'm going to be going up there doing jokes

and Joe's crowd, they want to hear real deal. They want to hear the shit. And I'm going to be doing my dumb jokes. And they loved it. They were great. They were so giving to me. And then you went up there. You closed it out.

And people don't realize how hard it is to close a show, especially when you're working on material. It's not like you're going to go like, OK, now I'm going to throw down my best. I'm putting all my ammo in no it's like you're going up there and you're working on stuff so i was like you know i respect that i respect that and you know you and and dave and all these guys who bring so many comics out on the road i love it and then you go on at the end that's tough you know it's fun though man it's fun you know it's like we're all having a good time together and it's also uh it's

my favorite thing to watch too so i get to see great comics you know working with the really funny people on the road is the best you get to see them crush this is something exciting about it there is uh there's something like when i think people also you know when you were touring with with chapelle and stuff like that these are shows. These are like shows that you tell years, you know, for years about like I was at that show. You know, I was there. So for the hardcore fan, these are like amazing times for comedy. It's a great time for comedy in general because I think the world genuinely needs things to be mocked right now. Because so many things are so off the rails and so crazy on both sides of the political spectrum, the cultural spectrum.

Right. You know, in terms of like the relationship the United States has with the world. Things are so bonkers right now that if you're not making fun of things. True. Like it's fucking, it's already so high strung and so fucking wound up and dangerous. Like the world is so fucking frustratingly aggressive right now. It's so crazy. There's so much going on with russia and ukraine

and the climate change and fucking covid have you done europe have you played have you uh you know toured through europe or anything like that um not a while i'm doing the uk i'm doing uh london in october okay one show i just want to go there have some fun for a few days fuck around yeah that was another thing that like uh stanhope you know like he was he was like pretty October. Okay. One show. Just want to go there, have some fun for a few days. Fuck around. Yeah, that was another thing that Stan Hope, he was pretty much the first guy I knew who was like, you know, England. Oh, yeah. He was doing all that kind of stuff. He filmed a special in Oslo, didn't he?

Well, either way, I was like, you know, they love Bill Hicks, and he was definitely like the, you know, the heir apparent to him, rightfully so. I mean, like, there was no one like Doug. So, like, he would tell me, like, England and how, like, you know, what it was like over there. And, you know, I've done a bunch of shows, like, you know, whatever, Germany, whatever, all those different places. But I was always like, you know, it's really for the trip, right? I mean, because, like, you know, let's face it. You know, these people, like, they're kind of polite. They applaud or they heckle drunkenly.

So, but now I get it. I netflix or whatever has made it an international people get it now they get what comedy so it's probably way better now than when i did it you know they want to see it too it's like you know there's not a lot of american comics that go to those places true i mean like it or not there's a lot of great comics all over the world but it's kind of an american art form in a lot of ways. It kind of originated here. And the current form that you and I do it, it originated right here. People,

comics come from all over, like to the cellar, and you can see them there, like, studying it. You know, it's kind of weird. Like, protect your data! Watch out! That's the weird thing when you find out people are doing your jokes in another language. How cool is that, though? Who do you call for that one? Who do you call?

It's the Hague. You've got to get the world court. So many people are bilingual. They find out about it. They rat them out. There was a few French-Canadian guys that were doing that in Montreal. But I would give it to the guy, though. If it was a guy who's like, I've got your joke, but I use tiger instead of, you know, like, makes it local.

I'd be like, all right, you can do that. Go ahead. Go ahead. Well, how many guys started out in other countries just stealing jokes? And then they had to develop their own act. True. Because they were doing – that was a problem in, like, the 90s, I remember. There was quite a few guys like that that would be stealing jokes in other languages

or stealing jokes from, you know, comics that people didn't know and doing it in their country where there's no comedy. Holy. What? Yeah. Wow. Yeah, comedy is now a global thing,

but I think for the longest time it wasn't. I think it was, like, real isolated little patches where you could get away with some shit. Yeah. No, I think when they come over, I think that it kind of blows them away to see, like, what it is as opposed to what they've been doing over there. So, you know, tip of the hat for us.

Tip of the hat. Yeah. yeah well in in these weird times i think this is like where comedy becomes actually a valuable function in society to be able to mock things and joke around and have some fun still well dude dude you you like basically have done the hard work for us so you know this is like another like one of those well i wanted to say this to you for a while but it's like you know you like years ago when i did letterman you know, this is like another like one of those. I wanted to say this to you for a while, but it's like, you know, you like years ago when I did Letterman, you know, how like impressive that was to both friends and family. And that I told people I was coming on this. It's the same reaction. Like they love you.

They see this as an important thing. And I totally agree with them that like, you know, you've done a lot of heavy lifting for all of us. So thanks. It was easy. It wasn't heavy lifting. It's just hanging out. I don't know. You're taking the hits, basically.

You know what I'm saying? You're fighting the good fight, and we're all right behind you, basically. So thank you for taking the hits. My pleasure, brother. It's a fun and exciting time in a lot of ways. I think people are going to come out of this on the other end more aware of the pitfalls of certain types of thinking and behavior and what we tolerate and what we don't tolerate. There needs to be some sort of order in society. It doesn't mean you're bad because you want some order.

It just means you want people to be peaceful. And that can be worked out. But there's a lot of shit that needs to be worked out in this country that just doesn't get addressed. Like why is all this crime originating in these areas that have been impoverished forever? And why aren't we helping them? Why aren't we helping fix those spots where all this crime is coming from? And there's very little effort put into doing that, but so much effort put into helping other countries. It drives people nuts.

It's not that we shouldn't be supporting Ukraine, but where was all that fucking money when you wanted to fix Baltimore? Where was all that money to fix Detroit? Where was all that money to stop all the fucking street violence in the south side of Chicago? How do you fix that? Why isn't that being addressed whole scale, like the entire country? Why aren't they looking at all these spots where they're typically riddled with crime and violence? How do we, what do we do to mitigate that? How do we do it to make this place safer

and better for everybody that grows up there? Well, I know in New York, like, you know, kids on like mini bikes and ATVs and stuff like that, that like until you've been circled by a group of teenagers on an ATV, like you really, it really does like, you feel that moment of like, you know, this is like the wolves and you're the wounded buffalo and it's like only about you can turn towards one but the

other one's gonna so you really have this feeling of almost prey i guess you could say you know so i was like yeah this you know when i was a kid you know we had an area to do that but these kids they live in the city so i guess this is their you know like area to do it but it still is like it is terrifying and i guess you know part of that's being old the other part of it's like what you just said that like why is this going on why isn't anyone talking about it it is wild and they're in people don't know that in new york they're confiscating them and destroying them oh there's video of it and people like why are they destroying those like you don't understand what's going on in new york like these guys are just riding these on the streets. I just give these kids,

they really are great consumers. It's just amazing. The coolest thing they will get somehow, and they will wait online to get it too. I've seen kids wait online for sunglasses. I never would do that as a kid. I don't care. I'm 15. I've got to have the best pair of sunglasses. I don't care. Whatever.

I'll put my hand over my eyes. I don't really care. But for them, it's style. It's showing. It's swagger. If that's how they live, that's fine. But we I don't care. Whatever. I'll put my hand over my eyes. I don't really care. But for them, it's style. It's showing. It's swagger. So if that's how they live, that's fine. But we all don't have to be a part of it. You definitely don't have to be a part of it. The dirt bike thing's wild. Where are they getting all the dirt bikes from?

Is there a black market of dirt bikes where they're shipping them into New York City because they know kids will buy them? And is that really the best way to put their paper route money to good use? about the college jar put some money in there they don't have a paper route but it's just funny where it's like 50 guys on minibikes you know it's like you might be able to outrun them probably not though but when they circle that's really is that what you saw you saw i've seen that i've seen a couple of yeah it's like it's like basically like a parade.

Like I saw one actually when the queen went down. I'm like, I didn't know they cared. It was like a missing man formation. It's like, wow, I didn't know they were into that. You know? I remember they used to organize these motorcycle gangs. And they would like kids on those like Kawasaki ninjas and shit like that. Yes.

And they would all those like fast bikes. It would zip around town and like a giant group of them. And people would panic. Well, that. Yes. And they would, all those like fast bikes, it would zip around town, and like a giant group of them, and people would panic. Well, that happens too, but this is just basically like kind of a stroll, like we're like, you know, kind of doing like a New Orleans funeral here,

you know, like just like, just, you know, we're blowing through the red lights, and as a driver, you're like, I better not, I better be careful. These kids are not stopping, you know, so. They just blow through red lights? Mm-hmm. Wow.

Mm-hmm. They feel, ow red lights? Mm-hmm. Wow. Mm-hmm. They feel, ow. What happened? It's my leg. What happened to it? Sorry. You got a cramp?

Yeah. Really? Mm-hmm. You all right? I'm all right. What a great time. Work through it. I am.

Get the cold bath. You know what someone told me once? I don't know if this works. If you pinch down on your tongue, it alleviates a cramp in your leg. Just pinch down on your tongue, it alleviates a cramp in your leg. Pinch down on your tongue. See if that works. It's not working.

No, it did. Does that work? Find out if that works. Is that an old wives' tale? Maybe it's like, what's that stuff? Like reflexology? Might not be real. No, I'm good.

You good? You're back? Yeah, that's another thing for not drinking water. You cramp up? Okay. Pinch lip. Oh, it's your lip. good you good you're back yeah that's another thing for not drinking water you cramp up okay uh pinch lip oh it's your lip leg cramps or muscle spasms may be triggered by an over over activated nerves other people have described a similar technique they recommend pinching the center of the upper lip right under the nose for a minute or two how do they know if the cramp

doesn't just go away yeah he's You just concentrate on a new thing. I don't know, but I think I just shit my pants. Sorry. But anyway, yeah, so that's what it is. So that's what it is. Yeah. I'm glad it happened here and not out on the street. Your back.

I would have been- Has that happened before? Oh, yeah. Leg cramps? Oh, yeah. Leg cramps. You should take liquid IV. It's an electrolyte drink.

I knew you'd have some kind of potion or lotion for it. Yeah, it's good. It hydrates you. How do you have all this time to do this stuff? People tell me things. Oh, okay. And that's one of the sponsors. Oh, is it?

Yeah, liquid IV. They've been sponsored forever. It's good stuff. Take it before a workout. Take it after a workout sometimes. I'm just going to whisper a prayer into the ruins. Oh, man. Are you back or are you cramping up again?

I'm good. Okay. You're scaring me. Wouldn't that be weird to go down here? That would suck. That would get some good views though, wouldn't it? We'd edit it out. No, we wouldn't. Unless you wanted me to. Would you want me to edit it out? I don't know. Seems a little disrespectful.

You think? Yeah, for you to just croak in front of everybody. Let me stand up and see how it works. This is better. You good? Do you have like a sciatic nerve thing going on? No, I think what it is is, you know, I had a hernia operation. Oh, shit.

So I could feel it like with my bowels moving around differently, you know. And then it usually happens when I'm on the toilet, you know, where it it's like, oh God. And then there's a lot of cleanup. Honestly, it really is sad. You cramp up. Yeah. You cramp up and then it's all over the place. You want to end this? Are we good?

Are you okay? Yeah. Let me sit down. So like, just in case you do. Are you okay? Take it out. I'm fine. Yeah.

But it was a lot of sitting, you know? Damn. So maybe that was part of it too. I noticed my knee goes out on a plane now. Does that happen to you? When you sit on a plane? Yeah. What happens?

I feel like my knee, like, I have a knee injury, so it's like, I just feel like my whole leg is like, can't feel it for a minute, you know. And then it goes, like, numb, and I'm like, oh, it's my knee. I know, it's like my knee. And that's just from sitting constantly on a plane. Yeah, sitting with a knee injury is not good. And then when you have to get up, it's stiff. Uh-huh.

Yeah. Well, what can you do, right? Battle damage, you know? Yes. How'd you hurt your knee? I think. Kicking ass and nom? Yeah.

I think. I was a repo man. I was the third guy in on the. I was the door kicker. I wish there was a repo man I was the third guy in on I was the door I wish there was a cool story I think it was trying to I was a fat kid trying to get over

a hobby horse in gym you know it's like come on come on tubs get over that that was back when

you were allowed to you know shame a fat kid you know like come on sugar tits get in there the good old days where's the fat male models?

Exactly. Come on. Yeah. How come? That is a guilty pleasure show, My 600-lb Life. Is it? Do you like it? Tell me somebody who doesn't watch that.

I don't watch it. You don't watch it. No. Please take a look. I get sad when people are that fucked up. Oh, no. I'm totally sad, but it's just amazing how they get through. I mean, can you imagine

being able to like function without moving and these people have figured it out it's like they're like like like basically like a jellyfish they're like kind of floating through life you know so bad but it is sad true like uh glued into their couch yeah you know those people they're like body integrates with their couch yeah and then you're, how are you shitting? Who's cleaning? What's going on? They are very, it's graphic because they'll show the person like, I have to take a shower. I'm going to see doctor now. So they'll show them get up and blur the areas. But because they're already kind of blurred physically, you're like, what are you blurring?

And then you'll see them shower and things like that so it is definitely not an only fans moment you know it's human beings are so strange in that there's certain like patterns of behavior that people get stuck in where they just can't stop eating or they can't stop gambling like there's people that just emotional can't stop Whatever it is. They can't stop. They can't stop watching porn. They can't stop whatever the fuck it is. They can't stop They just get trapped and they just can't stop eating. It's wild. Yeah, it's a wild thing like like what what is going on? the calculating aspects of the human brain all the emotions and all the different hormones and all the cascade of neural functions, all these things that are happening simultaneously. And then something leads you to just want to just stuff your face all the time.

And you can't stop. It's wild. Yep. It's just a wild thing that the human brain can vary so much. You know, you could be Elon Musk who's running five different corporations, or you could be a guy who's, like, sitting on a couch who can't shit. Yeah. He can't get up to shit.

He has to shit where he lays. Mm-hmm. Like, in one day, he must be like, I can't get up to shit anymore. I just have to shit right here. Right. And, you know, it's also, like, really hard on your family, too. Oh, my God. It's like any addiction.

You know, they suffer as well, so. Well, and also it's oftentimes a lot of people in the family have the same addiction. True. That's the kind of, you know, household that it was. You know, food was the answer for a lot of things, so. See, I'd rather watch Swamp People. I watch that, too. That to me as well.

And Naked and Afraid. I love that show. Do you watch that? I've watched that a few times. You know what my biggest revelation is wild. And Naked and Afraid. I love that show. Do you watch that? I've watched that a few times. You know what my biggest revelation is? What? Naked and Afraid. These people, they're all professional survivalists,

but you take away shoes from people, and we are right back to cave people. Whoever invented shoes or sandals, this guy, honestly, this person, whoever it was, we owe them a lot. That really gave us at least, not equal footing with the animals, but we were able to move around without, like, ow, ooh. But supposedly, back in the day, our feet were like rocks.

Honestly, talk about, like, you could step on coals and it wouldn't bother you. You ever see what feet look like of people that walk barefoot through the jungle? Like a hand. Yeah, they splay out. Oh, man, crazy crazy it's really wild pull up some of them feet of people that live like they they develop these muscles in their feet that are just like a thumb muscle they push down on stuff and so when they're moving around things they have like real contact with the ground we have these like bitch ass like feet that have been in a cast our whole lives. I have terrible feet, too.

Look at that. Yeah. That's crazy, man. Look at that. Like a hand. Like a hobbit. Like a hobbit foot. Crazy.

And imagine how strong those things are. They could, like, choke you to death with those things. He could, like, whatever up a tree just using his feet. Like, you can't really do that. Yeah. Right. They probably have, like, incredible grip with their toes. What is that?

Well, that's... That's like a disease. Yeah, it's like leprosy or something. Ah is that? Well, that's, I don't think. That's like a disease. Yeah, it's like leprosy or something. Ah. That's it. That's the feet. That's weird.

What is that? What does it say? Hoorani Indian. How do you say that? Hoorani. Hoorani. Hoorani Indian with splayed feet. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like my friend Steve Rinella. He was in the, I think he was in Bolivia, something like that, and he found a bunch of people that lived like that and were walking around barefoot. You're not going to be able to crock your way through that, that kind of a foot. That foot is like a stallion.

You can't break that foot. That foot will never be in a shoe. How bad is that foot? One of them pointy toes, dancing shoes? Oh, my God. Oh, what is that? Wow. The ostrich tribe of rare two-toes.

Oh, like the lobster people. Wow, but it's only their feet. Wow. So it's quite a few people. Quite a few people have that. That's crazy. Wow. Dude, what a way to end it, huh?

What a way to end it. Wow. Weird feet. Yeah, man. You ever put like a ball on and like you step on it? Yeah, those are great. Yeah, that's like, that opens up, talk about like opening your brain, man. You feel like, wow, I can, you know, do algebra or something.

You know what I started wearing recently is shoes with a wide toe box. I've been wearing those more. I got these fucking things on right now. They have like, they're ultras, I guess. Yeah. They have like a wide toe box so your toes can move around.

Oh, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, no, my feet are terrible. It's like, that's another like, I guess you could say like occupational, like, I don't know, I guess standing on my feet. Yeah.

You know, all the time, you know, whatever. It's just not, I could just feel it like by the end of the, it's like, oh man, not good. Do you think you'll ever get to a point where you're on a scooter on stage?

On a scooter? Oh, yes. Because clubs now, they have that lift. So I was like, oh, we got to do it. Disneyland scooter. Just scoot up, drink right there. That would be great. And the opener can wheel me out.

Here he is, everybody. Watch out. I'm taking off the tar Can wheel me out Here he is everybody Watch out I'm taking off the tarp And then there he is Would you have the opener Wheel you out Or would you do it Would you have one

That's remote controlled I would like to do Well you know With me and the smoking So I'll probably have A tracheotomy by then But I would love to do Crowd work

Like where are you from You know like What's Do they still do those what these things where you don't think so yeah with a road hey everybody you know I have to tell you how have they not come come up with an artificial throat yeah like and you can change your voice like I'm working on that like one of those you know learn a language things you know like, like one of those apps. You can roll your R's.

But, yeah, no, I could totally see that happening. You know, I bought a new walker for my mom, and, like, the one that we got was, like, off-road, so, like, now she can really go anywhere. So it's kind of cool. Like, you know, it's got these big mag wheels on it. Like, she's, like, basically, it's like an APC of, like, walkers. You know, like, she can, like, handle can like handle like you know remember those things that everybody

would scoot around on like a hoverboard with around what were those things called Jamie segways yeah those are gonna take over yeah what happened the segways went away they get replaced by the scooter I still see them every day in downtown Austin like on tours yeah. Oh, they have Segway tours? A Segway tour. That's the only place I've ever seen them. That's San Francisco, too. Didn't somebody famous eat shit when the power went off and they went forward? And they got hurt?

I think, like, you know, with those things, the problem is if the power goes off, if it dies, it's just like you're on this gyroscope, right? Was it like George Bush or something like that? The owner... Millionaire owner of the Segway that died after falling off a cliff. Yeah, the guy who invented it. He's an interesting guy. This guy's like a mad inventor. He fell off a cliff?

Sad story. He's an interesting guy. Oh my god. He died in a scooter cliff fall. Holy shit. Riding one of his firm's motorized scooters, he fell off a fucking cliff. Or was he pushed? What does it say? Hold on, go back to that.

Segway boss died in an act of courtesy. What? He was trying to get out of the way of a dog walker. Oh, my God. Trying to make way for a dog walker, and he went off a cliff. Man. Holy shit. And on that note, ladies and gentlemen.

That is sad. Joe Tattel, performing all around the world. Joe, great to see you, man. Always good to see you, brother. You were not wrong about George Bush, by the way. Oh, it was George Bush. Yeah. Oh, so he did eat shit.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, he's a bike guy, I thought. Oh, man. Imagine doing mushrooms at Bush. All right. Joe, thanks for having me, man. David Tell, you're the man.

Love you to death. Can I shout out to the fans? Shout out to the fans. For all of you who've come to see me, thank you so much for basically, well, thank you, Joe, for getting the word out on me. And I appreciate it because they definitely come down

and they've, and they said, you got to go on Joe and, you know, I'd love to hear you on Joe and Joe talks about you. So thanks for, you know, basically.

You're one of the best comics alive, man. And please, people, go see him. Where are you playing next? Where you at? Well, I think I'll be heading over to get my leg cramp. Give or take a leg cramp. Keep it stiff.

We'll have a play next time. I don't know. It's up there on my site. Davetel.com. Yeah. And, you know. There it is. I got a lot of dates.

So we have the DC Improv coming up next. October. First weekend of October. DC Improv. Oh, Skank Fest. Yep. In Las Vegas. That should be fun. Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Michigan. First weekend of October. DC Improv. Oh, Skankfest. Yep. In Las Vegas.

That should be fun. Mark Ridley's Comedy Castle in Michigan. October 2021. Beautiful. Louisville Comedy Club. All those are up. Helium coming up in St. Louis. All those are up on davidtale.com.

Go see him. He's the fucking man. And Joe, I can't wait for the club to be open. I'm excited to have you. I definitely want to come out and check it out dude lots of fun honestly thank you my pleasure