The Joe Rogan Experience - #1876 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

Greg Fitzsimmons is a stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. He's the host of "Fitzdog Radio" podcast and co-host of the podcasts "Sunday Papers" and "Childish." www.gregfitzsimmons.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. One must be sober for a month. Does one, must one work out every day? Isn't that part of it too? Must one work out every day. Yeah. One must work out.

One must burn 500 calories in a workout every single day, seven days a week, 365 days. Well, 60. 30. 30 days. I'm already expanding. So is there a contest about who can burn the most calories? We're not doing that because we go crazy. Yeah.

The problem with contests is they absorb your whole life. Yeah. And everybody except Ari has a family and obligations and jobs and podcasts and different things they have to do. We did it one year, the contest, and it was pretty obvious halfway in that we were fucked. and that we were fucked. I remember you got behind and then you just powered through and came from behind with like some crazy workouts. Well, I was never really behind. I mean, I might have been behind for like a day.

It was though in the beginning we were trying to figure out how much we were going to burn, you know, because we were using this MyZones thing. So it's like you wear a chest strap. because we were using this MyZones thing, so it's like you wear a chest strap. And the chest strap gives you points with the application for however many minutes you are at 80% of your max heart rate versus 90% of your max heart rate at 90 is two points, 80 is one or something like that.

Yeah. And Ari figured out that you could watch TV while you were doing cardio. So he watched movies on an iPad while he was doing cardio. Yeah. And he ran up a big number, like 400 in a day. We were like, fuck. That's a big number. That was like two movies.

Yeah. And so then we really started getting crazy. And then one day I did 1,100 points. I did seven hours of cardio. No shit. Yeah. Mostly what, running? No, mostly elliptical machine because you could watch movies.

Yeah. So I watched John Wick like 50 times. I kept rewinding it to the scene in the bathhouse where he kills everybody. Just because it's so adrenaline filled, you can keep going. Yeah. I watched some fights. I watched a bunch of shit it just got too crazy

we were losing our minds we were talking a lot of shit to each other and Tom got sick Tom got the flu and then the day he got better from the flu he ran 13 miles no shit the day he got better he ran 13 miles through his neighborhood

through the hills that's different than a treadmill 13 miles through his neighborhood, through the hills. Damn. That's different than a treadmill. 13 miles on the street is like. That's real. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, we went crazy. Yeah. And like if that kept going, imagine if we had it for like six months. We had a fitness contest for six months, and at the end of six months, you win like a million dollars. Yeah. You could have got a win like a million dollars. Yeah. You could have got a sponsor for that. Easy. Yeah.

The problem is it would become your whole life. All right. We would go crazy. All right. And Bert would die. Bert would for sure have a heart attack. Or he would just be content coming in last like he did the last time. He talked a lot of shit and came in last.

He did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like a great idea for your, like for me, working out is just for my head. I don't even give a shit. I mean, this body I was naturally born with. It's a gift.

Congratulations. But my brain, if I work out, man, I just feel happy. And if I don't, I get depressed. So one of the things we talked about, Tom and I talked about specifically, was that when you do a lot of cardio in a day Like four hours of cardio in a day. He goes all the internal chatter just goes away. Yeah, I go. Yeah It was like there's no negative talk There's no like anxiety and angst and I really wonder how much of that that people walk around with all day could be fixed with

cardio It could be fixed with like rigorous exercise. You know, and they say, um, they say weightlifting helps anxiety too. They say strength training does. But, uh, for me, it's like cardio. Cardio seems to put me in this place where it just is like, whatever, who gives a fuck? It's just like a, just a really really peaceful it like balances out what's really important to think about and worry about versus like things that are just sort of bouncing around your head you don't know if i should pay attention to that one or that one and what should i freak out about the most like every time i watch the news every time i look at the news i'm like how engaged do

i get here do i freak out about Russia? Am I going to freak out? And then my whole day will be a freak out. Yeah. Or do I recognize that there's not a goddamn thing I can do about this? And just casually be aware of it and hope it doesn't explode. That's the dilemma. Basically every day.

With wild shit like the Russia-Ukraine war, most of the time I look at the news, I'm like, how much am I going to engage with this yeah and not just the news but like everything in your life i have to do it when i listen i listen to books about the civil war because i listen to audiobooks when i go to sleep at night it's the only way i can sleep i just listen to i try to find the dullest non-fiction available with like a good British author. And it just puts me right to sleep. So I've probably listened to 50 nonfiction books in the last 5, 10 years. Do you fall asleep with the headphones on? Yeah, yeah.

Is that a problem? It is. Do you have dreams? No, no, no. I set a timer. It goes off after 45 minutes. You got some guy talking to you about some guy bleeding out from, no. I set a timer. It goes off after 45 minutes. You got some guy talking to you about some guy bleeding out from a musket wound in the woods.

You know, got shot by his own cousin because they're on the wrong side of the Mississippi. I do. The one I just listened to was about Jesse James. It was pretty badass. Jesse James was born in Missouri. And Missouri during the civil war. When you picture the civil war, you picture like there was the Confederate States and there was the union States and they fought.

No Missouri fucking this family was Confederate. This one was unionist and they would just go kill each other. It was random. And there was marauding packs of guys like Jesse James. It was the Jesse James gang. It was him and his brother Frank and these other guys. And they would just, they had like, the press kind of like made heroes of them

because they said that they were like Robin Hood. They were given to the poor because, you know, they gave a couple of widows some money that they mostly kept. Like they killed fucking thousands of people and kept all the money. Did you ever read, you read any Malcolm Gladwell? Yeah. You read that thing that Malcolm Gladwell talked about with like the honor societies that lived in like Appalachia and how many of them were involved in feuds that led to mass murders.

Oh, no shit. Really? Yeah. But the psychology behind it is the most fascinating thing. He was saying that these people come, like they emigrated from a part of the world where they were herders, like they're herded animals. like they're herded animals and when you herded animals you had a very different reaction to transgressions than someone who like say was a farmer because someone couldn't steal your farm yeah but they could steal your animals right so you you had to be violent in your defense of your property yeah because it could be gathered up by somebody else so you had to constantly be vigilant and you had to be very wary of intruders because people did that all the time. When they come in, they would steal all your sheep.

So when they came over to America, they carried that ethic about conflict. They were to the death. They would go to the death. They would come for you. And that's just the way they lived. Like if you stole from them, they would kill you. If you insulted them, they would kill you. If you insulted them, they would kill you. And they were all living in the Appalachias.

Wow. So these folks were just like, if you think about that part of the world, like why is it so uniquely violent? Yeah. Well, it's because those people. And clannish. Yeah. They emanated from this population of people that grew up having to defend their animals.

It completely makes sense. What were they like, Scottish mostly? That's a good question. I think they were Irish and Scottish. Which also makes sense. Wild ass drunks. Yep. Constantly involved in fights.

Long history of warfare. Yep. You know, those are wild people, man. Wild fucking people. You know, you think about the people that are there are the descendants of people who've lived there thousands of years. Like, that's what's so crazy about Europe as opposed to America. You know, if you're not a Native American tribesperson who's on your family's land and it's been that land for hundreds of years, you're fucking everyone's from somewhere else. Yeah.

But if you're living in Scotland, there's a good chance that someone 400 years ago from your family also lived in Scotland. Right. Which is wild. Yeah. To the point, we were talking about this the other day. When is there going to be, like, I don't know how this works, but I know that when they do a genetic test, they can find out some of your family's from Eastern Europe. You have this percentage of Eastern Europe genes, this percentage of genes from Asia. They can do that with like a 23andMe, right? At what point in time is there an American gene? At what point in time, like how many

generations do we have to stay in this one spot? Or is it just such a constant melting pot with people constantly moving into here that it never will be like you know i'm saying like is it is it possible that people could say oh your ancestors came from america yeah is that even possible that is funny because i'll ask people in the audience like what's your ethnicity and they say white and i just look at them going like what the fuck is wrong with you and they'll be like a black person sitting right next to them and they'll be like, white! I'm white! It's fucking great!

What's your ethnicity? And so... You can't, white is not an ethnicity, right? Isn't that odd? Yeah. It's kind of odd that Latino is an ethnicity. African American is an ethnicity. Yeah. Asian is an ethnicity. African American is an ethnicity. Yeah. Asian is an ethnicity.

But that's not like being white. Like if you say German is just white, right? Irish is just white. Yeah. He's a white guy. Well, you would say probably Saxon. Who the fuck would say Saxon? I'd be like, get out of my office.

Tad. Tad. Tad with the whale belt and the shirt tucked in. Well, my ancestry is Saxton. Yeah. Get the fuck out of his office. Right, right. Well, I guess the Irish, a lot of the Irish are Normans. The Norman invasions that were in like the 11th century or something came over.

And so like Fitzsimmons, the name Fitzsimmons literally means bastard son of. Anytime you hear Fitz, that means bastard son of. Whoa. So originally it was Simmons, which was like wherever the Normans came from. I guess that would be the French area or North. And so they would come in and they would steal a parcel of land

from the Irish and they would say, Simmons, this is yours now. Now you're Fitzsimmons. Wow. Yeah, because I'm a bastard. Wow. Remember Greg Fitzgerald? No, Dave Fitzgerald. Dave Fitzgerald. Yeah.

That's right, Dave Fitzgerald. Dave Fitzgerald was a good comic. Dave Fitzgerald was one of the first guys that I ever saw that went straight from the Alcoholics Anonymous program to stand up. Yeah. Because AA, for a lot of guys, acted like as an open mic. Yeah. Like Dick Daugherty.

Dick Daugherty got through comedy from AA. Yeah. A lot of those guys did. Yeah, the AA rooms launched many careers. I would name names, but it's like literally the last thing you're supposed to do that i was just about to name three other people on stage yeah yeah he would talk about it and also he's not with us anymore yeah he was a funny guy yeah it was that was a bummer he used to get standing o's as the feature act how do you like to follow

that fucking guy he was solid and he had that voice yeah it was very like great comedic timing really wrote hard was a real good writer yeah i think it was a postal worker wasn't he i don't remember because a lot of those boston comics like they had good civil service jobs yeah and then they would do stand-up at night and they'd be driving up to Maine with us on a Tuesday night making 75 bucks and then they'd have to get up the next morning and do their real job. Well, the thing about Boston is like, if you're a bum,

they make you feel like shit. Yeah. People up there work. They fucking work. Right. And so if you're going to just become a comic and you're going to quit your job at the post office, you know how hard your uncle worked to get you that job at the post office? How many strings he had to pull? Yeah.

And then you're in, but you don't want to be in. You want to be on the road. So you're off in Maine for $75. Yeah, you get one shot at the union. Once you're in, you're in. Once you're out, you're out. That's it. Yeah, and if you leave, boy, people will be mad at you because that is a good fucking job.

And you get good benefits. You get increased pay every year. Yeah, and if you leave, boy, people will be mad at you because that is a good fucking job. And you get good benefits. You get increased pay every year. Dude, unions bring a lot of happiness and security. They definitely do. The unions have got some problems, but they have to work out the problems because the business model of a union is solid. Everything with people has problems. Yeah.

Everything with people. And everything with people where people can get into a position of power and control other people and decide what other people can and can't do. It's like, whoa. Yeah. And that's where unions are strong. I mean, you don't want just money running everything because eventually money's going to go, why are we paying you this much we pay you less yeah you know what if we just move our shit over to this cross this river over here

we can get people to work for a dollar an hour did you know that yeah it'll cost us this amount of money to move our plant over there but we'll get these people over there to work they work for almost nothing and that's what's really happening right now? Yeah. It's because money became more important. It's like, is there enough money? Like, are you making enough money? If you're doing well, like if you're the head of a corporation, you're doing well, what is this constant need to make more money next year? Do you know how insane that is?

I know. That's so insane that they always have to continue to make more money. And that's like the ethic of the corporation. That's the whole reason to have a corporation. You have a duty to your shareholders. You're supposed to make more money. Every quarter has to be more. There can't be a quarter where you go, hey, we're rebuilding.

It's like the fall, the winter, the spring, the seasons. No. Fuck you, pay me. Fucking fuck you, pay me. Every quarter is a summer. There's no winter. Yeah. No winter. Fuck you you pay me fucking fuck you pay me every quarter is a summer there's no winter yeah no winter fuck you pay me fuck you pay me it's crazy that that's how medicine is run yeah that's what sells medicine right that's what sells everything that's what sells cars that's what's convincing you to get a new cell phone That's why it's funny when somebody like you gets rich, because you don't

have the inclination to go, well, now I need twice as much of that. Instead of that, like, I gotta thank you. I did two shows for you this week at the thing, and you handed me some money, and I got home, I looked, and I was like, oh, Joe's ethos is, I got lucky. Not lucky. You earned it.

But you also, there was the luck of being in an industry of podcasting. I got a lot of luck. Which fucking exploded. Yeah, I got a lot of luck. As you were the guy that was working the hardest and being the best at it. But because of that, you've decided to open a comedy club that I know you're not going to make a lot of money in, but you're going to do it because it's a great building developmental experience for young comics.

It's a place, it'll be a place of community it'll be a place where you can hang with your boys you know and it's not about the money and that's what that and it's so rare that somebody comes into money like you did and actually just enjoys it and uses it for good

it's a trick you can get sucked into it and they'll start thinking that it's the only thing it'll start talking to you like, this is all you need, Greg. You just need me. Make more and more of me. Concentrate on me and you'll have more of me. Wouldn't you like a yacht, Greg?

Wouldn't you like a yacht? Oh, look, another zero. There's a man ahead of you in the line? Who has more money? We need to figure out a way to beat that man. That man is weaker than you. With comedy, man, the thing about it that I enjoy the most is the camaraderie and the fun and the new material and the putting on the good shows and having a good time with everybody.

Yeah. and the new material and the putting on the good shows and having a good time with everybody. Yeah. And I'm like, that is something that I feel like when I moved here, I'm like, I want to invest in that. Not just like invest in it in the sense of like do it all the time and do a lot of shows with my friends like you guys last night and we're going to do Atlanta this weekend.

But also like to set a place where it's like encouraged supported and then you know that if you there's a clear path now it used to be you had to get a guy to help you and go on the road and you know maybe if you did well at the club they'd have you back to feature and you ground it out for as many years as you could and you try to get tv credits and some guys got tv credits before they really could headline like me i had tv credits before i could headline so i was headlining like terrible yeah doing a bad job like it's like it really didn't have 45 solid minutes but now with all these podcasts particularly like with kill tony and all these other comedy podcasts like if you're in the group of people and everybody talks about you and we're all having

fun, we're doing shows together, you just get entered into the ecosystem. Then you get featured on podcasts and then you get whatever it is on Netflix. As long as you're funny. The whole thing is just being funny. Yeah. That's the hardest part. Right. And once it's there, my goal is to make it seem more obvious how you go from there to being a professional. And then having it in a way where you're autonomous.

So you have your own podcast. Because if you're autonomous, then you don't have to worry about not getting cast in this thing because you had a joke about that thing. Because that holds people back they start and you start saying woke shit like i know people that are like regular folks that will say woke shit either on stage or on twitter because they want to affirm that they're in a part of this group of people that will continue to work in hollywood so they'll say things so it's like man why are you saying saying that? It's such an obvious thing to say. You're saying this nonsensical, fucking silly, virtue signaling shit that everybody else says.

But I know you're only doing it because you want to stay inside this group of people. Yeah. And if your morality or your politics lines up with that type of thinking, do a joke that shows it. Yeah. Don't say it. Don't state it. And it's like. And they're stating something that's obvious, like racism is bad.

Yeah. It's so corny. Right. Right. There's great ways to do jokes that show that racism is bad without ever having to, you know, put a fucking light on it. But it's just like this thing that happens when people get scared. And there's a lot of attacking going on where people, they go to teams. They get into this pattern and habit of joining teams.

And if you're in team Hollywood, there's one way to decide about things. It's the most progressive, most left-wing, most inclusive, most this, most that. Poll it. Poll it with young people. Whatever kids in college think is the most important, that's what they're going to talk about. And if you don't do that, you're fucked. And what's funny about it is, that's not

how most people think. No, it's not. I mean, we go to clubs in the Midwest. We're going to Atlanta this weekend. It's like, you go there, people aren't far right and they're not far left. They're far in the Midwest. We're going to Atlanta this weekend. It's like you go there. People aren't far right and they're not far left. They're far in their garage. They're far trying to get laid. They're far trying to just get a raise. Yes.

They want to go out with their friends and have fun. They want to have a fun night on the town. They want to fucking do sports. They want to do shit that they like to do. Most people don't give a fuck about most of these issues that everybody's freaking out about That's funny sports is free of politics in that sense like there's not a team that you would watch Tom Brady was a giant Trump supporter and people still loved him. Yeah, it was just a bad motherfucker Even lefties who were football fans. Yeah, if he was thrown for Tampa Bay you were fucking pumped, right?

You know, that's Tom motherfucking Brady bitch who cares who he's friends with yeah if he was thrown for tampa bay you were fucking pumped right you know that's tom motherfucking brady bitch who cares who he's friends with yeah because he's that good yeah it's like when michael jackson music comes on you know he might have been a pedophile but it's like damn they still play it although not for colin kaepernick uh i mean there's an argument that he got driven out for his politics. Well, that I don't mean. Is that how is his performance? I don't know enough about football. I mean, he was considered he was considered a first rate starting quarterback.

And so they stopped using him because of his protest. I mean, it's questionable. I mean, obviously, it's it's quantifiable to some degree. I mean, you can look at a quarterback's rating and and stuff like that. And I think that's questionable. I mean, obviously, it's quantifiable to some degree. I mean, you can look at a quarterback's rating and stuff like that. That's interesting. But if he was the best, if he was the LeBron James of quarterbacks, if he was just like this undeniable motherfucker of motherfucker quarterbacks, I bet he would have got away with it. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

He was on the bubble. He was not an elite quarterback he's not elite that's a wild thing to be good at man quarterback yeah Aaron Rodgers Aaron Rodgers is a buddy of mine oh yeah very very smart guy like shockingly smart and and peaceful and like at ease and like very in-the-moment guy. Very interesting guy. Intense guy, too. But he's one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time. Sure.

And that dude is just like, he's so present. It's very interesting. Very interesting. Because that job, man, you got super athletes running at you full clip trying to take you out, and you're throwing a ball at people. And you're a supercomputer. You've got thousands of configurations of

plays in your head that you're communicating to 10 other guys in the 10 seconds you have in that huddle. And then you have choices. You've got scenario A, scenario B, scenario C, scenario D. And you're scanning all of it like a supercomputer while fucking

280 pound guys are running at you. And you have to have like laser pinpoint precision with a spiraling ball. Yeah. It's a wild way to make a living. Yeah. I can see it being addictive. Like I can see why Tom Brady left and came back. I can see it easily.

I mean, I don't know what's going on. You know, you read these stories in the news, you don't know how much of it is horseshit. But I, yeah. Brett Favre is in deep shit. What did he do? Just like a welfare fraud thing? Yeah, he was friends with the governor of, I don't know which governor it was. What's that?

Mississippi. Yeah, yeah. Because he went to Southern Mississippi University or some college, and his daughter's going there, and she's a volleyball player, and they needed a new gym or like a stadium for volleyball games. And so he talked to the governor, and they arranged to siphon money out of a fund that was like a welfare fund meant to feed poor people. And they took like six million dollars out of it and built a stadium.

And there's a whole text chain just, I mean, plain as day. He even says at one point, like, is there any chance we're going to get caught for doing this? Oh, boy. And the governor's like nah don't worry about it we're good oh no yeah and i mean you think about a guy like that what is he making 20 million dollars a year if you want to buy if you want a fucking volleyball stadium for your kid you got that money you got it that's so crazy. And he had a legacy. That's like a jailable offense, isn't it?

I mean, is that one of those? I mean, that seems like one of those ones that wouldn't just be a fine. It seems like it. If you're stealing from welfare. Yeah. Like, that's the kind of stuff people go away for, right? Well, especially because one of the millions of dollars went directly to him yeah so it's like some of it went to the school and one of the millions went directly to him and he's already so wealthy yeah imagine how much money he would pay to not have that happen

you know he'd pay half his half his money yeah like this scandal was about to go down right now people found out like how much would you pay to not have that happen? Definitely more than a million. Oh yeah. He'd probably give you like two million. Shut the fuck up. Well, he's probably worth 30 or 40 million. He'd probably give you half of that to not tarnish

the reputation. Forever. And not only that, but might wind up in jail. You know, there's a problem that needs to be addressed whenever it comes to football players, fighters, combat sports athletes, is that people with CTE oftentimes have very poor decision making. It's very complex because everybody's version and severity of CTE is different. But one of the side effects of having too many concussions is you become very impulsive and you start doing risky things, risky behaviors. Sometimes people get

addicted to substances and gambling and a lot of wild shit. And it comes from like your brain being rattled. Like it's just not working right like you have all sorts of impulse control makes sense so i think um risky things like this might have been exciting you know like you should have obviously morally known that's not the thing to do but there's something i think for guys that have been hit in the head too many times like risky things like they would just want if you're a guy and you've got all your jollies out of playing football, I mean, you got all your jollies out of being this badass fucking quarterback or some badass running back.

And the amount of excitement on Super Bowl day must be unfathomable to us mere mortals. Yeah. To us mere mortals, the excitement of being on that field and knowing that millions of people are going to be watching around the world. Millions. And there's 50, 60,000 people in that place screaming their fucking heads off. And you're playing football at the highest level of the world. Mm-hmm.

Fuck, man. You want a guy like that to just go back to normal life After he's been hit in the head 50 times Hey I got my own mower now Yeah Jesus Christ That guy is going to start gambling And going to whore houses And storing coke And punching traffic attendants

He's fucking bored out of his mind Look at Lenny Dykstra man Oh yeah Fuck Think about how excited you are of his mind. Look at Lenny Dykstra, man. Shit. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Think about how excited you are to go to a Super Bowl. Think about the excitement level that person has, and now you're the guy in the center of it. And you've got the possibility, if you

win, of making an extra million in your bonus or whatever else. There's so many factors going into that. Yeah. There's a lot going on, and retiring from that has got to be incredibly difficult. And that pales in comparison to someone who they ship overseas to fight in war and then bring them back to America and then just say, all right, you're done.

Just go be normal now. Also with the head injuries. Yeah. Would you have a hundred combat engagements with the enemy? You know, how many times did you have to shoot people? And then you come back over here and you're supposed to be normal. And when I talk to guys that have served and experienced combat duty and then come over here, I'm like, how much counseling do you get? It's very little.

Yeah. Very little guidance. You know, reach out if you need help. There's numbers you can call. But at the end of the day, it's like that's a complex transition to go from literal war, actual war, like shooting guns at enemy. They're shooting guns at you. You're in a foreign land. You're going through mountains. People are yelling things in languages you don't know. And you're hearing guns going off. And you might die today or your friends might die today. But

for sure, people you know are going to die. And also part of your training, a big part of your training is to not feel. Yeah. And so now you're coming back and you're being asked, hey, talk to us, let us know how you're feeling. And it's like, well, go, sir. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. That's why they found that with with trauma, with PTSD, with soldiers, they found a thing called EMDR, which is a way of doing therapy that doesn't involve talk. I mean, you talk, but it's not about recognizing feelings. It's about they give you – it started with like – you remember like watches, the shrink would take the watch and go back and forth with it. It's about connecting the two different sides of your brain together.

Have you ever been hypnotized? No. I have. Really? Yeah. Yeah. My friend Vinny Shorman put me under. He does hypnosis for a lot of fighters. He's like a mind coach for fighters. Very? Yeah. Yeah. My friend Vinny Shorman put me under. He does hypnosis for a lot of fighters.

He's like a mind coach for fighters. Very interesting guy. Yeah. And he explained to me what it was. I go, all right, let's give it a shot. So on my old studio, I lay down on the couch and he talked me through like this, I forget exactly how he did it, but we went through this thing like, you know, you're going to be relaxed, get this. And next thing you know, you're going to be relaxed, this and that.

And next thing you know, I was in like a state of mind. I was like, this is really fascinating. It's like this is a it's almost like you have access with someone else. When someone helps you and guides you, you have access to a state of mind that you don't achieve independently. Or I didn't know how to achieve independently, but it's an unusual state of mind. It's like a very real thing. So when I got hypnotized, I was realizing as it was happening, this is interesting because this is a very real thing.

So it was almost like you're on a drug. It's like this drug that puts you in a different spot. Like, oh, here's, let me unscrew you from your life. I'm going to put you over here and now look at your life. And I was like, wow. I was like, oh, this is a real way of doing it. And then someone can talk to you logically and they can explain things to you and would make sense. I think everybody's afraid they'd wake up with no pants on and like what happened, but I don't think it works like that.

It's all said you're singing Madonna with no shirt on in front of a comedy club audience. I don't think it works like that. Yeah. That was amazing, though. We used to watch Frank Santos. Frank Santos, yeah. R-rated hypnotist from Rhode Island. He was amazing. His son does it now. That's crazy. Yeah.

And this guy, he would literally get... But wait, but just to stay on that, so what did he walk you through? Did you have an epiphany? How similar is it to doing mushrooms or something like that? It's like a kind of a drug, maybe a little bit, but it doesn't feel scary. It just feels relaxed, and you have some additional clarity. But it does feel like with someone's guidance, you're allowed to escape from your mind and from your life in a weird way. I feel like that's what it is.

Like when someone's talking you through it, it's like there's a thing about someone, like you're letting someone guide your brain. And this is what I said about comedy before too. When someone's killing on stage, like when Joey Diaz is killing on stage, I'm thinking the way he's thinking. Like that's why it's so fun.

It's because I'm not really calculating anything i'm letting him control my brain i'm letting him and his material take me for a ride and that's what a hypnotist is doing it's like you're letting them take you for this like ride of like peaceful introspective thinking and clarity on your life that's what that's how it felt to me i was like so this is like a mindset that can be achieved this way. I mean, maybe it could be achieved by yourself. I don't know how to do it, but I don't know much about like achieving psychedelic states through breathing. I really haven't really tried much other than some yoga breathing exercises that make you feel a little

high. But people get, they like, people trip balls from breathing exercises oh yeah yeah well you know annie letterman's got some uh uh hypnotist that does finances that helps you deal because money is everything they'd say was psychologically it's a great place to start like when you come into a shrink and you negotiate the price you're going to pay them that's the first step of your therapy because they can tell so much about you by your relationship to money. How much you hold on to it, how much it scares you. And so she's got this therapist that she's worked with that she says is amazing that puts her under. And then she said she's made a lot of money since she started working with her.

Interesting. Yeah. Interesting. So the therapist is a capitalist. Yes. Exactly. Well, I would imagine if you are tripping yourself up less, you'll make more money. If you're not getting in your own way. Because one of the things you find about talented people that get freaked out by success is that they'll start to sabotage.

They'll start to fuck things up. They'll show up, miss a flight. They start getting a little crazy. It's the fear of fucking up once you've already started becoming successful and people start becoming self-saboteurs. Drugs. If you just stop that from happening, you would just naturally have an escalation in your career. If you're good and you're getting better, you'll continue to get better. If you keep working, you keep showing discipline, you keep having new material, you'll be fine.

But along the way, it's the getting in your own way stuff that fucks people up. And if you're a therapist, you could just pull that out. Stop getting in your own way. Just that alone, you'd make more money. I think it also has to do with, like my father said to me when I was growing up. We're talking about how successful some people get. And he said, everybody is at the level that they think they should be at. And so you can start to become successful and get scared and go, I don't belong up there.

Right. And so you have to somehow reframe where you see yourself ending up. Yeah. Or not think about it at all like I do. Yeah. Just don't think about it. I think too many people think too much about where they want to be. I just think you should think about being better at what you do. I think being better at what you do is a real thing because being where you want to be, you never feel like you're there. Trust me. No matter where you go, you always want more. It just never ends. The only thing that makes sense to me is concentrating on

being better at what you do. So for me, it's like the things that I concentrate the most is like stand up and podcasts. And then with the UFC commentary, man, that job is like, I'm just lucky to be a professional fan. So all I have to do is just like know who's fighting, what their styles are like. And the thing is playing out. I mean, I have very little to do with the thing, you know? So that job is just like a beautiful being a fan reaction job. But like for podcasts and comedy, if I started thinking about like goals where I want to be in four years and this and that, then I'd be thinking about that instead of thinking about new material. Or I'd be thinking about that instead of thinking about,

I want to be stimulated by this kind of guest. I want to talk to this guy about this subject. I'm watching this documentary, and maybe I can get him to expand on that and explain it to me. That's the only way it's good to me. And that's the only reason why i think it's good period why it works because i don't think about it every time i've been frustrated with uh where i'm at career wise i just i write some new shit i go to the club i do it and all of a sudden something happens yes it's not not necessarily like there's some talent agent with

a cigar in the back going this kid's a star It's just more of an energy that you're putting out because you're just like, your juices are flowing and your confidence is up because you're realizing what you're capable of. You just have to overcome resistance. And that's one of the terms that Steven Pressfield uses in The War of Art. The War of Art, not to be confused with The Art of War. Oh yeah, you gave me that book once. Yeah. And he talks about resistance. The resistance is the thing that keeps you from writing. The resistance is the thing that keeps you from doing those sets that you know you should go do.

You know, oh, man, it's Tuesday night. I want to go out. Go do that set. Do it. Do it. You need to do it. And then write. And then write.

And then the universe will reward you. Like that feeling of resistance, the feeling you get when you write something new that you know is going to be funny is one of the best feelings ever it's so good you're like oh shit i got one it's like i caught a fish through the ice you know like getting late yeah it's amazing yeah and so then you know that you were rewarded for overcoming that resistance but so often you just want want to jerk off or watch a movie or eat a pizza or play a video game. But if you could just force yourself

to sit in front of that fucking computer. Whenever I do, I come up with something, a punchline, a tagline, a new premise, something. If I could sit there for two hours, just two hours, just drink some coffee, smoke a little weed and just sit there for two hours, something's going to happen, man. That's what's amazing. When I look at people that like you, Bill Burr, people that really, Louis C.K., people that really create at a high level, like it is the ability to not eat that pizza or play that video game.

And there's something in most people that can't resist that. And it goes back. I can remember being in college and having a fucking term paper due and instead going out for a beer or jerking off or whatever. And, you know, and I'm like, you know, it's I don't know what that is. I don't know if that's completely innate or if that's something you can build on. You can build on it. 100% you can build on it. Everybody thinks, it's like what you were saying before about being as wealthy or successful, rather, as you think you should be.

You know, that everyone is as successful as they think they should be eventually. I think that's, I think it's similar to that. successful as they think they should be eventually. I think that's, I think it's similar to that. I think you just decide that you're this person that fucks things up and you continue to fuck things up because that's your past. It's like one thing I've said before that I had to learn very early on because, uh, you know, when I was a kid, I got bullied a lot and, you know, it was kind of very timid and worried about people kicking my ass cause we moved around a lot. And then I became a martial artist. And then in the process of becoming a martial artist, I realized, like, I would still get nervous when I was around people who bullied me before when I was younger.

Like, I didn't feel like I should have been just like, hey, fuckface. But I was still nervous around them, even though I knew I could kill them. I was still nervous around them because I programmed myself to feel like a loser when I was in this town when I was around these people when I was in like a certain like I had like a triggered memory and I was like oh and it made me realize like you can decide you are your worst failures or you can decide that you're you you're you right now like all that don't hold on to that that's a valuable lesson it sucked when someone kicked your ass or when you fell on your ass and looked like a fucking loser in front of everybody but those moments are very important for who you are right

now but it doesn't mean you're still that person some people are never separate from their worst memories the biggest mistakes getting their ass kicked in front of, people have gotten their ass kicked in high school and never recovered. Never recovered. Have been a confidence mess their whole life, been shell-shocked from one ass kicking, especially if they deserved it.

You know, they're picking on some guy and he fucking beats their ass and he gets on YouTube. He might never recover. You will constantly be in your mind, you at your worst moment. Instead of having the ability to come back, talk to that guy and go,

dude, I was a fucking piece of shit and thank you for kicking my ass. You're right. You're right. You're right. I was in the wrong. I shouldn't have been a bully. I was a dick.

I don't even know why I'm doing it. I'm only 17. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm growing and learning, bully. I was a dick. I don't even know why I'm doing it. I'm only 17 I'm a fucking idiot. I'm growing and learning but I'm not your enemy Like that was a that's a beautiful moment that everyone's denied like no one you know You're not gonna see that YouTube video You know you see the video that guy who deserved it getting his ass kicked and for that guy that moment when people experience a bad moment in their life

that moment when it's something as brutal as like getting your ass kicked when you deserved it, that can fucking define you forever. Well, not only as a kid, but like, I think about like, we were talking about guys that have gone and women that have gone on SNL and

after a year or two, it doesn't work out. And then they just become ghosts in the comedy world. And then you look at like Shane Gillis, who didn't even get on the show, but had a traumatic experience of almost getting on the show, and how he dealt with that, and how he recovered, and how he rose from those ashes, and how he got stronger. And then you got the guys that are still, that's still their credit, that they were on SNL.

And you're like, I don't remember you on SNL. And it was like 12 years ago, and they never got back on the horse again. They lost their confidence. That SNL thing is a totally different environment. And if you've ever heard Jim Brewer talk about it, Jim talked about it on this podcast, that he would come up with premises for sketches, and he'd be working on a sketch.

And so you have to put in like a database everything you're Working on and other writers would steal those premises and write their own Sketches on those premises and just like take just hamstring him Yeah And he confronted them and there was like yelling and screaming and eventually his wife talked him into leaving Jim Brewer is a great example though of a guy Who because he left Saturday Night Live people kind of slept on him

and they forgot that he's one of the best comics alive that dude is so funny he's so fucking good and he's such a good guy he's such what you see is what you get he's a rock solid human being.

He's a great guy. And he became more famous over time just through the accumulation of videos getting out there. Because he doesn't promote himself. He doesn't try. He doesn't give a fuck. He's like a genuine person. He was happy to just go and he has a legion of fans so he can go sell out comedy clubs any fucking time he wants. He shows up in here and there and he's just killing it for the weekend and goes back home to Jersey and relaxed.

Yeah, he's out in the country. And then when the pandemic hit and all the craziness in Jersey, he bailed and went to Florida. He's like, fuck it. Oh, I didn't know that. And now he's dead in a tornado. No, sorry. That's not funny. Is he in Florida now?

Yeah, he's in Florida. No shit. Imagine if he died. I feel like such a piece of shit. The last stop. Why don't I feel like I should feel like a piece of shit that everybody died there? There's like, how many deaths have happened in a hurricane? I don't think that many.

Did you see Don Lemon was trying to talk some climate scientist into saying that this hurricane is because of climate science? And he's like, I'm not, you know, it's not exactly how it works. I'm just trying to explain to you what is going on. And this is the hurricane. And, you know, we can cover that more broadly. I know. Every time there's a cold day, all of the climate deniers say, oh, where's your global warming?

And then every time there's a hurricane, everybody on the left is like, well, this is – Dude, that is a complex issue. Yeah. That's a complex issue that we're in danger of getting ideologically boxed into. Because no one is ever going to deny that climate change is going to have a giant effect on humans. And it seems to be increasing. No one's ever going to deny that? A lot of people deny that.

Yeah, but no one logical. Right. Like, it's happening. But what I'm saying is, like, the temperature is rising. Yeah. no one logical right like it's happening but what i'm saying is like the temperature is rising yeah but what's interesting is why people want to ignore the fact that it's always done this like humans have without without a doubt we have an effect on that with uh carbon emissions are up and who knows what the fuck the gas is in the air and all the crazy shit we do with mass production and energy consumption but it's always been up and down. Like if you, I had this guy, Steve Kunin on the podcast, who's a physicist.

And he wasn't even a climate scientist. He's just a guy who just decided to like examine the models. And he's like, if you go like thousands of years, it's all crazy. It's all like this and that. It's up by this many degrees and down by that many. It's like, it's never stable, ever. When there was humans living in fucking like, it's never stable ever. When there was humans living in fucking caves, it was never stable. But when they were looking at it over

a hundred years, you can get these crazy spikes. You're like, oh my God, look, we started using gas powered cars and it was going up and up. But if you go a thousand years, that's totally normal. All that stuff's normal. The question is how much of an impact do we have on it? That's not totally being quantified. Like they're not exactly sure. They know it's a significant impact, but they know this is happening anyway. And the Ice Age happened anyway. The Ice Age happened without us.

Didn't have anything to do with us. It's going to happen again. It's probably going to happen again. It's probably this constant cycle. X many thousands of years, this happens. And then X many thousands of years, that happens. And then X many thousands of years, that happens. And that's why the fucking Sahara Desert used to be a rainforest. Did you know that?

That giant ass fucking desert in Africa, that was all tropical. Wow. Yeah. All that stuff's like that. Yeah. That's a constant shifting from like these tropical rainforests into deserts. Yeah. And then back and forth yeah over

thousands thousands of years we just look at things through this tiny little window of history what we wrote down what do we know what do we know it's hot this time of year said doris in 1822 like we we don't have like satellite doppler radar from 1822. So we have this window of a couple of hundred years of people paying attention and writing shit down. But then when they do core samples of the Earth and they find the Earth's temperature, they try to do the calculations over thousands of years. Dude, it's always shifting. It's always going crazy. This whole fucking world used to be connected in one island.

Pangea. It was one big thing, they think. And it just separated slowly in this land. This is chaos. Like, it's always changing. It has nothing to do with electric cars. It's always changing. And if you buy one of those fucking houses on stilts and you're in Santa Monica

or Malibu like good luck bitch what a risk you're taking that shit's gonna move it's gonna move in a mile 10 miles there's a lot of cities like Miami they're already saying like when there's a full moon and a high tide the fucking downtown is like underwater like that's a big

city this is like now you know dude it's so crazy and the underwater. That's a big city. This is like now. You know? Dude, it's so crazy. The ground in Miami and around that area is porous. Yeah. When the water goes up, it's going to go through the ground. It's not like something's going to stop it.

No, no, no. It's just going to go right through the ground. Yeah. That's a swamp. You guys have a giant, awesome city on a swamp. guys have a giant awesome city on a swamp and they were told years ago they looked at it

and they were like people shouldn't live here and they're like no no this is great this is great and they sold land to everybody

and the crazy thing is they're still selling land so what do they know it's like the the bankers aren't stupid if they're they would consult

with people to try to figure out if someone's gonna default on their loans if they're gonna sell them like them property right there on the beach because if the insurance companies get involved how much is this house? 50 million

Jesus Christ how many feet is it from the water? 10 feet so you're you're willing to bet 50 million dollars that that water doesn't move any closer than 10 feet? Maybe go 20 feet. You know how close 10 feet is, bitch?

10 feet is this desk. This is the water. And Jamie is your fucking house. This is the ocean. Dude, what about the people that are in New Orleans that are rebuilding? Like, rebuilding for what? I think it's the vibe. New Orleans is another country.

I mean, it really feels like those people get to drink on the street. Yeah. They have that cool way of talking. Yep. They got great food. Oh, I can't. I'm going there next Friday. It's dangerous there.

It's my second time ever being there. Dangerous crime-wise. Yeah. They're not doing so good with the crime. Yeah. But as far as like the vibe of the city, man, I know people that just, they swear by it. Yeah. You know.

But what's nice is like, when I think about how many times me and my jackass friends have gone to Vegas and you always come home feeling like had. Yeah. You just feel that emptiness of like leaving a strip club of like, what did I just do? And then you think you could spend that same money and go to a place like New Orleans or Nashville where there's like a real culture, where there's like real shit that's, you know. Well, that's why people like to visit Austin and go see the live music. Yeah.

There's so much live music here. Yeah. We went out the other night. It was fun. God damn. There's so many musicians here. There's so many talented people. Yeah. It's a crazy town

in that regard. But to have a thing that you could do like that is, yeah, that's fun. Go have a few drinks. Go do a real thing. Yeah. The problem with Vegas is it's like everyone's like, it's Vegas! So it's like you're at a 24 7 New Year's Eve show. You know? You know those New Year's Eve

shows? I don't like them. I don't do them anymore. I stopped doing them. I did one a couple years back and they were great. People were great. But there's a thing where it's like, it's New Year's! It's not just a show. It's like this thing on top of the show. It's bigger than the show, yeah. Everybody wants to scream and yell.

How much is it affecting your life? This weird capturing of time in calendars and watches and cell phones. How weird is that? Because it's just time is this right there, right now. That's it. That's time. All that other shit, like this year is this year, and I've done that for six months.

That's all in your head. It's my birthday. Yeah. Oh, my God. Who gives a fuck? The worst. That's all in your head. It's my birthday. Yeah. Oh, my God. Who gives a fuck? The worst. Bitch, you had one birthday. It was 32 years ago.

Let it go. Let it go. Why are you interrupting my dinner with your cake? I'm not singing. Leave everyone alone. You think these fucking three busboys want to be singing right now? There's tables that need to be cleaned up. Bro, that's a game changer for me.

If there's a buddy and he gets mad that I didn't wish him a happy birthday, we're not talking anymore. You need to go to a doctor. Whatever is really bothering you. Aren't we men? I mean, aren't we men? What the fuck are you talking about? How appreciated do you feel that you need us all to say happy birthday to you and you're 47?

That's not even a thing. That's not even a round number. Get the fuck out of here with your birthday. I have not gone out for my birthday. I mean, I'll go out with my wife maybe, but I would not ask my friends to get together and buy me a present. I would not ask my friends to do anything.

Yeah. I think your friends are supposed to just be your friends. Yeah. You know, if I need some help with something, I'll ask my friends for something. I don't need a fucking friend to give me a be your friends. Yeah. You know, if I need some help with something, I'll ask my friends for something. I don't need a fucking friend to give me a happy birthday party. Yeah. Hey, bro, you know, I just think it'd be really cool if you threw me a birthday party this year.

I mean, you're my best friend, and no one's ever thrown me a birthday party, and I figured if I was going to come to anybody, I'd come to you. And I just really like it to be at Wild Wings. And it could be 80s theme. It would be really cool if it was 80s theme. It would be nice. Everybody dressed like that. Yeah, we all dress like old video games.

Yeah. Fuck out of here. And like, you know, I got registered. I got registered at Williams-Sonoma. Oh, the registered. Go to a doctor. Women talk so much shit about like when women register. Oh, look what this bitch registered.

Look what she's trying to get. It's like you're airing your needs. Look what you need. A douche? You register for a douche? You're hoping somebody goes off. You're hoping someone goes off, so you include some high items. High value items. Just in case. Just in case some well

healed individuals come into my big shindig. And then it shames everybody else because they see the big-ticket item and then they buy you some so some some utensils do you see that McKenzie Bezos got divorced again is that Jeff Bezos ex-wife she got remarried and I had a bail on the bit because I felt I felt mean and personal not even me it's not mean the bit is that a woman worth 30 she's worth she won 39 billion dollars in the divorce settlement no and then she immediately married a high school science teacher so the bit was about a woman worth 39 billion dollars marrying a dude worth 3200 dollars it's like that guy doesn't have shit to

say in that relationship i'm like that guy doesn't get shit to say in that relationship I'm like that guy doesn't get to pick any of the color of the walls right right and I'm like you know I know because that's a one sided 69 position yeah because

the way I know is because I don't get to pick anything in my house my wife doesn't even work that guy's fucked like he has zero chance if she's that rich yeah

I'm like that guy's on his best behavior right right I go he's got his pronouns in his twitter bio he's drinking white wine that he's neutered. He's he's planning her birthday party a year in advance I'm like that guy's a performance artist. He's putting on the show. He knows how much money she has Yeah, I'm like, how long can you be cool? Well, it turns out 24 months so

He couldn't keep it together. There's no way you could be yourself if your wife is worth $39 billion. Yeah. It's just too hard to be yourself. Yeah. Too hard. Why is there a Lamborghini in the staff parking lot? I want one! You have $39 billion!

And she's just fully committed to social justice and prison reform. And she's really kind of a beautiful soul in that regard. She's a very, very wealthy woman who's committed to social justice, prison reform. She's really kind of a beautiful soul in that regard. She's a very, very wealthy woman who's committed to philanthropy. And she's spending all this money, billions of dollars, on affordable housing, on really cool stuff. It's really cool to see what she's doing. She's keeping a lot of money. She's got plenty of money.

Give him a fucking Lamborghini. Give him a Lambo. Come on. Come on, he's late for school. The guy was a science teacher. He's probably fascinated by engineering. Yep. Vroom, vroom, vroom.

Why not? You're supposed to live like a baller. Yeah, yeah. I remember Joey Diaz got mad at us once. We were talking about microhouses, about people who live off the grid. And they'd be living these little, what the fuck are you talking about, microhouse? Get a fucking house. You're a baller.

You want a mansion, cocksucker. You want people to walk over your house and go look at this motherfucker's house. That's what you want. I was like, he's right. Jeff Bezos' ex-wife. He should have a fucking laboratory behind the house with just like all kinds of animals.

Buy him shit, Mackenzie. Buy him a Lambo. But the thing is like you can't because then everyone knows. See, like you get caught in that trap of philanthropy where you're not allowed to be a consumption person anymore. You can't fly private jets now. Yeah, well, especially not the climate accords. You find out how many people flew private jets

to climate accords? Like Christ, people. This is terrible messaging. Yeah. But it's like if you get in that world you can't like wear some crazy expensive watch and some crazy expensive purse and we're all you can't do the the flashy showy things that billionaire women like to do billionaire women like to wear like half million dollar watches you know they walk around with things that are covered in diamonds and shit. That's what they like. They like to show all those other bitches.

Look at all this shit I got. Oh, your yacht's 150 feet. Ours is 210 feet, motherfucker. Yeah. Like Jeff Bezos just built the biggest yacht in the world. I just read about that. They were going to deconstruct a bridge to get it through. No shit.

And people got so angry. Were they building in Italy? I think it was in Netherlands. Okay. Oh yeah, the Netherlands. But that's what you do. That's what you do when you got that kind of cash.

Well, that's what I, there was an article in the New Yorker about these super yachts and it said that one, there was some guy that was like, it's the ultimate way

of saying, oh, you got a house in the Hamptons, I got a house in the Hamptons. You got a driver, I got a driver. You got a helicopter, you got a helicopter. How big is your yacht? They're house in the Hamptons. You got a driver, I got a driver. You got a helicopter, you got a helicopter.

How big is your yacht? They're like, that's what it really comes down to these days. Because the amount of money involved in yacht life, if you go on yacht life, the amount of money is insane. Yeah. These are people that are making like $100 million a year. Like it's that kind of money to run a yacht. I have a buddy who's got a yacht.

He's very wealthy. And it's very strange. How much time does he spend on it? A lot. He loves it. I mean, he's fortunate enough that he runs a bunch of successful things that he can do them remotely. So he's more of like a manager at this point. You know, he just like handles all these various entities that he runs. But he's very successful.

Because that's the thing is in the old days, you could, if you were rich and you bought a yacht, you couldn't go on it. You needed to be running your business.

And now you can do that shit from Zoom. What I was going to say is he's very successful, but he knows how to have fun. And he knows like the value of relaxation and fun. And he's set it up up well just because he's smart

so he parties so he likes to get drunk so uh he just fucking has this giant house that floats on the ocean and he uh has a whole staff that works for him there it's a weird life man but you're like damn i can get used to this have you been on it yes yeah i hung out with him family our families are friends, too So we all hung out together. So it was uh, it was just like being on there like man. This is a wild life Yeah, used to this. Yeah, but things like where do you go from there? And I think that's the thing about money people people that are just interested in money It's like you constantly want the new bigger crazier thing you can't like I get that a yacht would be amazing

Don't get me wrong I'm not but what i'm saying is like when you keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger like what are you doing what do you ever get to the yacht that's like this is a perfect size yacht we're good you know let's just have fun together no no you just want another you want a supersonic jet i heard they're coming out with supersonic private jets you're going to be able to go anywhere in the world in four hours. Let's go. And then you've got to be the first guy with a supersonic jet.

Jeff Bezos is going to have one. He's going to paint it like a dick. That's what he's going to do. Just a big, veiny dick. Just fucking. You know how much it must kill him watching his ex-wife giving away all that money? Do you think she did a prenup? She must have done a crazy prenup with that teacher. I hope so.

Even if he gets one ten-thousandth of her money, he'll be worth $20 million. I hope that dude walks around with gold chains and fucking open shirts from now on. I hope he goes full heel. Just Ric Flair in the 90s. Woo! He's at the chalkboard. His pointer's made of gold. It's got diamonds on it.

No more teaching. Well, that's one of the things in the bit where I was saying, you know the guy. Who she wants him to be is this cool science teacher. But you can't be that once you're married a lady worth $39 billion. So you quit your job. So you quit. Please stop teaching. And now he's got no identity.

He's the guy that hangs around the house yeah yeah it's a tricky relationship yeah you know when a woman's worth that much more than you fuck i mean that's not that's not like she makes 100 grand a year but i make 75 you know no no no no no she no. She has $38 billion. Shit. That's a lot of moolah, son. And for a woman like that, it's probably very difficult to know for sure if a man is sincere. Because there's wolves out there. There's male and female wolves. There's gold diggers, but there's men that will like scam on a woman like that. You know, like that's a target. Like she has to like, people will like move to her town

to try to coordinate a potential. Join the right yoga class. Yes. Yes. It gets sketchy. Yeah. Cause she's, you know, if, if someone's a con man or someone's just sociopathic and they have a plan, like if you have a plan to start a business, what's the plan? Plan is I'm going to do this and that and that, and I'm going to make a bunch of money. I have a plan to marry that lady because she's worth $39 billion. Like it's kind of a business, right? Being a gold digger is a business.

Yeah. It really is. Yeah, there was this great podcast about this guy down in Orange County, and he had just got out of prison. He was homeless, and he found this rich lady, and he just came up with a plan, and he tracked her. I forgot how he met her, but he had moved in within three days. Jesus Christ. And he just said that he lived in the desert.

He had a house, a big mansion in the desert, and he had scrubs. And so he wore scrubs and said he was a doctor. But he wasn't a doctor. He just bought fucking scrubs and he'd leave every day and pretend he was going to the hospital. Oh, my God. And he ended up killing – or wait, did he kill her? I think he killed her. And then there's a crazy final scene where the daughter knows about him and they're in a fucking empty parking garage.

And he tries to kill her and she fucking kills him. Oh, my God. Or she at least stabs him where he's incapacitated. Oh, my God. And gets away. Oh, my God. And he had done it serially. He had done it with a number of women.

He had done it with a number of women. There was a show once where they were following this guy who got scammed by those guys pretending to be women online and engaging in relationships with men where they'll send them correspondence and photos and talk to them. Caitlyn Jenner? No. What are you talking about? Men pretending to be women? No, no, no, no, no, no. Listen to me. They're scammers.

And so they contact lonely men. And they pretend to be a woman. Like Nigerian scammers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they send photos. You know, they just steal a bunch of girls' photos from Facebook. So this poor guy went to Europe. He was a divorced man.

And I think he was a widower. And he was like in his 60s. And he went to Europe twice to meet with this woman. And every time she had an excuse why she couldn't meet him, and he went back again. And the girl's daughter was just so despondent because all of his money, he didn't have much, but all of his money he's sending to her. He's sending her $20,000. She has to get out of this and that, and people are coming after her. She's really in trouble, and she owes money. Could you please help? And he's sending her $20,000. She has to get out of this and that. And so people are coming after her.

She's really in trouble and she owes money. Could you please help? And he's helping her. We're going to get together, my darling, we're going to be together forever. And then he would go there and she couldn't make it. I couldn't go. My mother got sick.

Like just like this poor fucking guy believed. Damn. And it wasn't even a good scam. It wasn't even like physical contact. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But a physical contact scam where someone could pretend they love you and you're lonely

and like finally my prayers have been answered. This person who's so amazing. And then everyone's like, listen, I think Mark might be full of shit. Fuck you. Mark's amazing. All they think about is how good they feel now that Mark's in their life. And Mark gives them back rubs. Dude, loneliness is a painful thing.

I mean, I can't, I mean, of all the human emotions to feel like loneliness is, is at the top of this things you don't want to sit with. And if somebody can come in and they can alleviate that and they can make you feel loved and cared about in a world that's full of rejection, whether it's work or friends or your kids, maybe fucking left like this woman, woman, she was actually really successful. So it was hard to figure out why she had such a gaping hole in her that she would look to this guy for affection. But it was like-

Yeah, but it's romantic affection. Yeah. It doesn't matter how successful you are. See, that's all nonsense. Because once you're successful enough where you don't have to worry about food and money and housing, everything else is nonsense. So the success doesn't help the loneliness. As a matter of fact, it probably accentuates it because it's the thing that everybody always thinks is going to make them happy. The thing that people think is going to make them happy is success. Like,

one day I'll be the boss and I'll be happy. No, you're going to be happy or you're not going to be happy. You'll be happier having achieved your goals but that's not going to make you happy. And so if you're already a rich lady and you're just rotting with loneliness, like you're a drug addict who like you never get cured. You never get free of the pull of heroin.

You need it. We all need it. It's the worst thing they can do to you in jail. You're in a fucking metal and cement box filled with rapists and murderers. The worst thing they can do to you in jail that you're in a fucking metal and cement box filled with rapists and murderers the worst thing they could do is leave you alone like we're connected to each other yeah and if you don't get that love from people i remember when i moved to la in 94 um i came out here to do this television show and we were out here uh for like two weeks and i was staying in the oakwood gardens apartments and i didn't have any friends so I'd go to the comedy store at

night and I would hang out there and I tried to do a set and I was what's called a non paid regular which means I could go up after the show because Mitzi wasn't sure about me yet and so I was doing that it I'd had no real interaction with anybody and then this girl that I was working with, one of the other actresses on the set, she gave me a hug. Yeah. And it was the best hug anybody ever gave me in my life. It was totally just loving, non-sexual, non-flirty, just a, you're my friend, here's a hug. And I was like, oh.

Yeah. I was like, oh my God. I'll never forget that feeling because I was like oh my god I needed that dude I got one of those out here the other day what's I'm spacing the woman's name who used to work at the store you give hugs like that I love hugging you yeah yeah I like hugging you yeah because we love each other yeah we've been friends for so long yep I know when I hug you it's like a it's a warm hug yeah and there's no there's no back padding no it's no bullshit no there's no hey broting. No, there's no bullshit.

No. There's no, hey, bro. Yeah. But that woman, what's the woman's name? She used to work at the store, and now she's out here, and I think she's going to manage you. Carrie Mitchell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's the best. She gave me a nice hug the other night. Oh, she's the best. She's the best. I'm so glad we got her out here. Yeah. We got a great crew. You got a good crew.

Yeah. We got all the all-stars. Uh-huh. Yeah, and we haven't even started yet. I mean, everything's going great already. Yeah. You know, the scene here is incredible. Yeah, we got all the all-stars. Uh-huh. Yeah, and we haven't even started yet. I mean, everything's going great already. You know, the scene here is incredible. There's like 12 world-class comics living here, man. I've seen it. I've been doing shows here the last

three nights, and it's just crazy. Now you got Brian out here. Brian Simpson is a motherfucker, dude. He's a motherfucker. He's coming with me to London. He's like Mike Tyson. He just comes at you, slow and steady, straight at you. Such good writing. Yeah, the writing's good.

And his attitude. He does not give a fuck on stage. No. Well, he's free now because now he's successful. And now he's got a Netflix special. Now he's killing it on the road and he's killing it on stage. He's free and he's doing it the right way. He just works every day, doing it the right way.

He just works every day, always writing, always writing. And he moved here. Yep, moved here. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. It's a good spot, dude. Yeah. Comedy decentralized.

Comedy separated from Hollywood is the best comedy. It's like audiences at the, what's the club? At the Vulcan. You walk out and they are literally, they look like when you're about to feed puppies. They just look up at you like, I'm so excited you're about to make me laugh. As opposed to being in L.A. where the arms are crossed and they're like, you're not Sebastian Maniscalco. These are real people. Yeah. Texas has real people. Yeah.

Texas has real people in them, and I didn't think that was a thing. I thought, you know, I go here, I have a good time, that's fun. But there is a general attitude that people have here that is way healthier. They're just regular people. It is weird, the schism in Austin between, like, I was talking about it the other night, like the cab drivers. The Uber driver always wants to tell you how Austin used to be better. So you've got these OG Austin people that are flip-flop wearing pot t-shirts.

And then you've got the guys with the loafers and the dress shirt tucked in. Tech guys. Yeah, there's a lot of those people around. A lot of banker guys. And then, like, Adam was just telling me about his apartment. Like, he was in an apartment, and they jacked up the rent 40% on him in one year. And I said that to a couple people, and they were like, oh, no, that's standard the last couple years. Yeah, they're just.

Jesus. Your rent is going up that much. Well, there's that much of a demand because so many people moved here. And there's not a lot of houses to buy. Yeah. It's tricky. Yeah, when I was up- Some people get mad at you.

Oh, when I was upstairs watching Brian Simpson last night. And he goes, so I lived in LA, but I just moved out here from California. And a guy under his breath just goes, fuck you. But- But Tony Hinchcliffe's at a bar the other night Some guy comes up to him And he goes, hey, what's up, Tony? And Tony goes, oh, hey, how you doing, man? And he goes, fuck you for ruining my city And he goes, oh, I didn't know it was your city

He goes, how long you live here? The guy goes, 11 years. He goes, thanks for keeping it warm for us. We'll take it from here. He just tapped him out. We'll take it from here. 11 years. Bitch, get the fuck out of here.

We've been here for two. Shut the fuck up. That's basically the same out of here. We've been here for two. Shut the fuck up. That's basically the same thing. New York was like that too. All these people come from Iowa and went to Brooklyn for 10 years. Ari talks about that. He said, those are the people that yell out at the store, boo, or at the cellar. They don't like your premise, boo. Yeah, right.

You can't wait to have blue hair. Yeah. It's just people, man. Some people are gross. Yeah. It's just people, man. Some people are gross. Yeah. Some people just, no matter what, they're on a team

and they're gross. And they can't help themselves. It's just like, they're surrounded by stupid people. That's what they've absorbed. Those are the patterns they've got in their head.

They've never done anything that challenged them to break out of whatever pattern they're on. Yeah. And sometimes you run into them. Yeah. And oftentimes they're in the crowd and they want to get drunk and yell out stupid shit. It's so freeing when you can see them for what they are, though, and just laugh right in their faces.

Yeah. You know, like I heard these two guys. I'm staying in a, I won't say what hotel, but you put me in a very nice hotel here in town. And I walked past the lobby and these two guys – no, four guys. And they all had the dress shirts on and the – and they all look like they do like – what do you call that workout now? CrossFit? Yeah, they do like CrossFit. And they're all like tan and they all have crew cuts.

And I just hear one guy go, well, what about the capitalization? And I just stopped and I went, yeah, what about the capitalization? And then I just turned around and walked away. Fucking communist. That guy's probably a liberal. Yeah, what's he doing in this hotel?

He doesn't belong in this hotel. Probably losing money. Yeah. Someone else is paying for it, I bet. Well, probably. I'd like to see his fucking portfolio. I bet it's shit. I bet he's heavily weighted in small tech cap stocks. I bet that fucking idiot invested in Bitcoin.

That's one bullet I dodged. The thing that gets me is the NFT thing. Yeah. People that want to sell NFTs. That's one bullet I dodged The thing that gets me is the NFT thing People that want to sell NFTs That's crazy I want you to be in a partnership with an NFT with me I'm like what are you saying I don't even know what you're saying I've had 80 people explain it to me now

I'm like I don't get it I get that guy Beeple You know what he does Do you know who he is That guy does a new piece of digital art Every single day You know what he does? Beeple does, do you know who he is? Oh, that's pretty cool. Dude, it's the shit. That guy does a new piece of digital art every single day. Oh. So if you buy an NFT from Beeple, first of all, you're buying a physical piece of art.

Uh-huh. And you could put it in your NFT wallet or whatever the fuck that is. But what he's doing is creating a gallery. He has a legitimate gallery full of this digital art. It's amazing shit. He's so dedicated to it. He puts out one piece every fucking day, no matter what. It's all that kind of stuff? Illustrations?

It's all digitally created artwork. Some of it is like dicks and missile silos and shit. People are trying to find hidden meaning. He goes, it's fucking dicks. It's just dicks. It's like, he's hilarious. He's a great guy. Have you never seen his shit?

Pull up Beeple's Instagram page. It's amazing. Oh, wow. What's that, Jamie? I'm on his website right now. Oh, that's great. Look at that. That's amazing.

Naked baby Trump. It's his end game. It's naked baby Trump on top of the... I mean, how amazing is that? Woke Island? Wookiee. Oh, Wookiee Island. Whoa, I see a W and an O.

I just assume it's woke. Reset button. Oh, wow. Yeah, so his stuff is all like... Some of it's hilarious. Some of it's really disturbing. Santa came early. That must be fun for a guy like that.

That's his life. He found something he's good at that he loves, and he found a way to wake up every morning and go, let's fucking imagine. Let's play. Let's do this. And he was so consistent in how he did it that he got to, whoa, are they all changing or are you doing that? I'm changing it.

I'm going through them. You got a little ADD, don't you, fella? Some of these are good. I'm looking at it. Look at that. But the point being is he was just so consistent and so disciplined that he just consistently put them out. And now he's making hundreds of millions of dollars doing this.

Damn, no shit. Really? The art and the galleries. He's like an R. Crumb kind of a guy. Yeah, he's like the, in terms of NFTs and sales of digital art. He's like the number one guy, isn't he? Oh, shit. Or he's one of them.

2.4 million followers. He definitely was. It's changing often now because people are doing this stuff. Yeah, 2.4 million followers. Plus, when you make an NFT, every time it gets resold, he makes more money off of that. Click on that chimp one. But it's also like they're not –

you're actually getting real digital art from this guy. Look at that. So what's the difference between if I buy the NFT that shows me that or me just going to his Instagram account looking at it? Because you get something like that. Oh. You get a piece, like a digital piece of art too. And that's where it gets squirrely with like one and a half non-fungible token you own the rights to that thing so even though like some of them like board yacht club board ape yacht

club or something like that i don't understand because it's just a photograph and you own it i guess but but i can take a screenshot of it and it'll be on my phone but i guess it's not as cool as you owning it on your phone okay i don't totally get that but I get this I get the digital artwork and I get like that's an original people and you know you would get he gets sends you these things and go with it and there's more to it and like his gallery that he's doing he has like these big displays and big things and I'm sure you could buy those too it's like it's like you're buying a real thing.

Like if you bought one of his art displays and it's like that, but it's like seven feet tall and you could put it in your living room and people would come over and go, whoa. That's a real, valuable, cool thing, a piece of art. Dude, you know who's a great artist? It's Kevin Nealon. Have you seen his? Really?

Dude, pull up Kevin Nealon's. He does caricatures of you seen his? Really? Dude, pull up Kevin Nealon's. He does caricatures of famous comedians. Really? He's got a new book that just came out and he just sent it to me and it's like,

it's like as good as any caricatures I've seen. Wow. Yeah. Kevin Nealon's a nice guy. He is a super nice guy. So nice. Always friendly.

He's also one of those guys that like, is like, when you talk about Brewer, like, he is truly a funny human being. Look at that. That's incredible.

Isn't that awesome? Yeah. That's amazing. That's Freddie Mercury. What else have you got in there? Kevin Nealon artwork. So he has his own Instagram just for his art. Wow, look at that Letterman.

Look at that fucking... Wow. Look at Kurt Cobain. Jim Carrey. That's look at that Letterman. Look at that fucking... Wow, look at Kurt Cobain. Jim Carrey. That's great. That's incredible. Yeah. That's really good. Oh, wow, look at that Gary Shandling.

Look at the capillaries in the nose. Look at that detail. That's amazing. Yeah. That's so good. And it's such a good characterization. It's not a realistic painting of them. No, they're like...

Oh, wow, look at that Bourdain. Holy shit. That's really good, dude. He captures their souls. It's not just like a funny painting. But that's the thing about a caricature, right? They exaggerate certain aspects of you, but you know instantly who it is.

Yeah. Wow. That's incredible. That's really dope. Who's the guy that does the ones from your show? Gary Bourdais? Gary Brandt. Brandt.

He does good stuff. Yeah, he does amazing stuff. Pull up his stuff. He just did one of Tom O'Neill. Tom just sent it to me yesterday. Oh, did he really? Yeah. He does

He'll show the illustrations too As he's Yeah There he's got Dave Attell Oh nice And Gabor Mate Look at that He's missing some teeth

Yeah Yeah he does all the guests Look at Eddie Bravo That's amazing That's dope Like cracked marble Yeah Not so crazy now.

Look at Mark Zuckerberg. Look at Louis C.K. Wow. Oh, that's good. That's wild. Yeah, it's a specific kind of comedy art, right? Making a caricature of a person. Yeah, yeah.

There's one that we have that makes me uncomfortable. I'm not going to hang up anymore. It was Dosbach. He did one of Joey Diaz. I'm like, that one's a little disrespectful. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's blue cheese with wings that go, fuck your mother.

But it's so... It's like... If I was Joey, I wouldn't want to look at that. Yeah. It's kind of rude. It's, that one. You know?

That's great. Well, it's like, it's like going on a roast. I've, I've been on a couple roasts in my life. And if you ever want to find out who you really are, if you want to know what people really think of you,

because we all kind of, it's not what's on the internet. When you go on the internet, it's a bunch of trolls that are just saying mean shit. But when you do a roast, it has to make people laugh, which means it has to be grounded in a collective perception of who you really are. And when you hear people make jokes about you on a roast, that's how you know who you really are. And what And when you hear people make jokes about you on a roast, that's how you know who you really are.

And what I get is like, he looks old. Well, you know, that was the purpose. That was the purpose of the Heyoka in the Lakota tribes. Oh, you were telling me about that. That's wild. The sacred clown. Yeah. They had someone who would mock everything.

Yeah. Because if there was something that could be mocked, if it made people laugh, then you knew that it was true or that it was bullshit or that the thing was easily mocked. It was a stupid thing. And they used that to sort of test like whether or not their thoughts were being corrupted and whether or not they were like being delusional and looking at things incorrectly. Like the court jester. Yeah. I think the court jester was supposed to keep the king honest. Was he really?

I think that was part of his function, was to show that the king could be in on the joke. How many of those guys got their dicks cut off and stuffed in their mouth? Dude, you want to talk about the history of stand-up comedy. That was the first comedian. Yes. The court jester. And he had skin in the game. Nowadays, anybody can show up to an open mic night.

You know, you work in marketing for FedEx during the day, but you come out at night and you put on a funny tie and you get up and do five minutes. If you bomb, whatever. It hurts a little bit. But if you're the court jester and you bomb, off with his head! They'll just kill you for fun.

Yeah. That's one of the things that we love about watching, like, Game of Thrones or any of those, like, I know they're fantasy, but they're supposed to be depicting a time in which there was no electronics and no civilization was crazy. People just killed people. Yeah. They just decided I'm going to kill them and no one could do a damn thing about it. Right. They'll just beat you to death in front of everybody in the middle of a dining hall and no one stops it. And you realize, well, this is what people did to each other back then.

And if someone just decides that you've dishonored the queen with your jester ways, they're just going to chop your dick off in front of everybody and stuff it in your mouth where you scream and bleed out on the stairs to the throne. And they barely pay attention because they see it every day. They're not even aghast by your death. Dude, the whole Dracula, the whole myth of Dracula,

like the Dracula story, the Bram Stoker version of Dracula, came out of this legend of Vlad the Impaler. Vlad Tepes, who was a guy who was a real guy who lived, who used to torture the enemy and impale them on spikes in front of him while he ate dinner. No shit. Yeah, yeah. Whoa.

Look at what he used to do. So here's Vlad the Impaler. There's a depiction of him so uh he lived vlad dracula or vlad dracula um he lived in 1476 somewhere around there is that what it says let's see go to his uh that was his third reign he reignedigned a few different times, which I wonder how that worked, who took over while he was not reigning. But this guy, Vlad Tepes, Vlad the Impaler, Vlad Dracula, he was known for...

He would cut pieces of a prisoner's flesh off and force them to eat it. He did horrific shit. So it was 1420, what does it say, 23? 1428 to 1431. Somewhere around then he was born. He died somewhere around 1476. So he's like 45 to 49 years old when he died.

They're not sure. But during that time, he was fucking terrifying. There's so many crazy ways through history that people have mutilated and killed people. You ever heard of a Colombian necktie? Yeah. You know what that is? Yeah, they slice your throat and pull your tongue through your neck. It's rough.

That's fucking rough. That's rough. That's rough. That's fucking rough. That's rough. That's rough. And then there's this one called like the Glasgow Smile or something where they take a knife and they cut your cheeks from the corners of your mouth up so for the rest of your life you look like you're smiling.

Yeah. Yeah. There's some evil fucks out there. If you find out what the Comanches did, there's this book Empire of the Summer Moon. Oh yeah, I read that. That guy lives in Austin, right? Yeah. I had him on the podcast. There's this book, Empire of the Summer Moon. Oh, yeah, I read that. That guy lives in Austin, right? Yeah, yeah. I had him on the podcast.

He's great. It's an amazing book. And he found all that stuff out when he moved here. He moved here and then he started researching the history of the Native American tribes and the Plains tribes. And then he writes this book about the Comanches. It's a fucking crazy story. Yeah.

But one of the things they did is those people would fight to the death. They never surrendered. Because if they surrendered, they assumed they were going to be tortured. Because they torture everybody. And they would take people and they would hack their arms and legs off. And while they were alive, throw them on a fire to watch them squirm. The last moments of your life, no arms. They would just hold you down and they just

immediately hack off your arms hack off your legs then just chuck you on the fire yeah and then they just kept doing it to more people throwing them on the fire damn and there was a lot of rape there was a lot of like you're gonna get raped and your family's gonna watch and you're gonna get murdered and your family's gonna watch and um Everybody got murdered except for the younger kids that they would try to incorporate into the tribe and they would test them in various ways and if they failed the test they would kill them and If they just kept their shit together, they could eventually become a part of the tribe And the curious thing is a lot of those people got captured thing is a lot of those people got captured later and released like so like the the soldiers would you know overcome a band of Indians and find capped

captured white settlers and they didn't want to leave they wanted to stay with the Native Americans that's the Cynthia Ann Parker story she's the woman who was yeah she gave birth to Quanah Parker who was the last Comanche chief yeah and he was half white she was white she was a white settler who was, yeah, she gave birth to Quanah Parker, who was the last Comanche chief. Yeah. And he was half white. She was white. She was a white settler who was kidnapped when she was nine. She watched her mother get killed, watched her father get killed.

Didn't they take her away to like Pennsylvania and then she escaped and went back? Yeah, she went back. Yeah. Yeah, she was despondent. Like when they brought her back to regular society, she was despondent. She did not want to live like that at all. She was in her 30s by then. Yeah. And she had just been living with the Comanche she was a part of their culture I mean it just you know it's like a romanticizing it in a lot of our eyes because

everybody you know like romanticizes the idea being a plains Indian wow must have been incredible sleeping under the stars but the people that they did capture and release back in society, they didn't want that. Like nobody was going the other way. There was no Plains Indians that were like, look, fuck all this. I want to join you guys. I want to be a banker. Like that wasn't happening.

But people were leaving and they were like living with the Indians. They didn't want to go back. And it wasn't a small number. There was like some miners that struck deals with them and various people that had made their way across the plain decided to join. If you got a good band of Indians that didn't want to kill you because you're a white

settler, if you're in the right place at the right time and you joined in, for them it was like a better way of life. Trying to paint the Indians as good or bad, that's not how it is. It's complicated. time and you joined in like for them it was like a better way of life no and you know trying to paint the indians as good or bad it's not that's not how it is it's complicated it's a culture and it's kind of just where racism comes in where everybody has to be seen as good or bad well they warred on each other hardcore in in horrific horrific ways they cannibalized each other you know there's the nez perce were famous for cannibalized each other. You know, there's the Nez Perce were famous for

cannibalizing the victims that they they captured. People did horrible things in all ethnicities, in all parts of the world, in all like when the barbaric times of human history, people have done absolutely terrible things to each other, to people that look like them, terrible things to each other, to people that look like them, to people that look nothing like them. It's just like a part of being a human being or has been a part of being a human being. I think less now because we're more recognizing the horrific nature of that. We get to discuss it because everybody kind of gets to talk now because of the internet and because of education. It's way harder to pull off a Christopher Columbus-type atrocity in 2022 and selling it to the public, like what they did.

Yeah. You would get documentation, cell phone video footage, like, hey, why'd you cut their arms off if they didn't give you gold? Because that's what Christopher Columbus did. Yeah. But what those people did, like you read the priest's accounts of how they tortured the natives when they got here and what they did, like bashed babies' heads on rocks and told people if they don't bring them their weight in gold, they would cut their arms

off, cut their arms off and show the other people that they're willing to do it and then send them out, get more gold. That was just how people behaved yeah which is hard for us to think about yeah because of the world we currently live in but if the power went out and shit went sideways for just six months just six months do you know how crazy the world would be how crazy was the world during like the blm riots during covid where people were walking down the street throwing rocks into people's windows and smashing doors open and doing whatever the fuck they wanted to do for no, there's no social justice to that. They were wilding. People just went haywire. That's what happens.

That's what happens when you get mob mentalities together. You're going to get certain people that don't give a fuck about a social cause or whatever. They just want to go wilding. And they're going to jump in and come up with reasons why they can light buildings on fire. If there's no power for six months, they run the streets. They run the streets. There's no way to call the cops because there's no power. What are you going to do? How many bullets you got what the fuck man like that's how thin the veneer of civilization is over the world for most of history they behave the way those clans and the plains indians did and the way columbus did and the way the mongols did and the way Columbus did and the way the Mongols did and the way the Romans did.

Like for most of history, people were cunts, just horrible, murdering cunts. Yeah, and you think about this country like kids that were born just after us that didn't experience the Vietnam War at all, like have not seen barbarism in this country. Short of the people that have gone to the Middle East that saw some horrible shit. For the most part, they've been guarded from that. And I mean, obviously school shootings and, you know, the amount of homicides that take place is something, but that can't compare to the kind of barbarism that you're talking about.

Yeah, the school shootings, it's like the reason why they're so horrific is because they're an aberration. Yeah. And the worst, most horrific aberration, someone who wants to kill purely innocent people. You know? The thing that no one wants to talk about with those is how many of them are on psychiatric medications.

Because it's almost all of them. Or they've gone off psychiatric medications. Yeah. And then the question is like, is it correlation or causation? Are they already broken? Is the psychiatric medication what kept them from doing it earlier? You know, I don't know. But the horrific things that people have done throughout history are, it's so fascinating how recent that was.

Because it really was only like a few lives ago. Like if you want to go to the plains of Texas and the plains of North America in 1700, you are in a wild world. Wild world. None of the towns are there. Nothing's settled. It's wild. If you're living back then and then someone can put you in a time machine just 322 years later. You'd be like, holy fuck.

Because 300 years before that was the same shit. 1400 to 1700, not a lot of change here. And then you go 300 years later after that, you're like, holy fuck. This is crazy. I don't think about the difference in 10 years in this country is a time machine that went 10 years ahead yeah you know is or say 20 we didn't have cell phones 20 years ago there wasn't you know you were faxing shit just how about what automobiles are now you know i was talking to uh reggie watts is a car guy, right? And Reggie has a, um, Porsche turbo S, which is a preposterous car. It's basically a spaceship. It goes zero to 60 in

about two seconds, somewhere in the range of two seconds goes one G laterally with all-wheel drive. The handling is outrageous. The speed is telepathic. It's like, shoom! It could just go wherever the fuck it wants to go. And I said to him, imagine bringing that car to 1970 and go drive that. They would think you were an alien. You must have come from another planet. If they saw the LCD screen that lights up and all the gauge clusters are in LCDs or LEDs,

they'd be like, holy shit. Yeah. This is insane. This is insane. Like, how do you start it? You press that button. Oh my God.

How does it know that I have the key? It's reading that you have the key in your pocket. Just press the button. And then you're in this thing. And then a voice comes through and it's your wife

telephoning you from somewhere else. And they're like, what the fuck? Hey, honey. Yeah. Where the fuck are you? Like, you can talk to someone in your car. Oh, not only that. You can say, navigate to Vulcan Gas Company.

And it goes, getting directions to Vulcan Gas Company. That quickly. That quickly. Within a second. And telling you don't go that way because there's traffic. Rerooting. Yeah. Yeah. Or how old is Mick Jagger? Just tells you.

Like I do that all the time now. I just ask my phone. How old is somebody? Yeah. How much does that cost? How long has that been around? It just tells you. Yeah. You just ask your phone now. It's like we're literally in a science fiction movie. Yeah. Find out. How old is Greg Fitzsimmons?

Nope. You have two contacts named Greg Fitzsimmons. Tap the phone number twice. Hey, that's the one I had. How old is the stand-up comedian Greg Fitzsimmons? Oh, Wikipedia. Here we go. 1966.

66, baby. How you feeling? I'm feeling like I need some testosterone shots. I just got a B12 shot. Feeling good. We're going to get you hooked up. Next time you come in here, you're going to be jacked. I've been working out like a maniac, though.

Have you been? Last year, year and a half. Beautiful. Joined Gold's Gym so I can be shamed. In Venice? Yeah. Oh, that's the real one. Yeah.

That's the mecca of bodybuilding. It's been around since 1966. Those guys can get you steroids. They will. Oh, yeah. I'm the only guy in there. Dude, I am the smallest guy by 50 pounds. It's not even close.

And even the women, the women are bodybuilders, but they're fucking beautiful. They're big-ass bodybuilders, but there's something beautiful about them. The way they've sculpted their bodies to be a certain way. And some of them get fake tits and a fake tan, and they're on steroids. But steroids but you go like wow that's a version of the human body i hadn't thought of yeah the fake tits and the tan is not the best part about it but i do like the fit body yeah yeah i do like the fit bodies yeah it's just like but if you want to be like one of those instagram models there's a there's a market for that now. You can make a lot of money.

Yeah, there's a lot of people doing selfie workouts at Gold's Gym. Well, you know, I'm not saying you should do that. But what I am saying is why is it okay to be a regular model? And it's not okay to do that. Like people look down on Instagram models. They look down on some girl who just like, this is her job is to look hot and take pictures in her underwear, washing a car. What do you give a fuck? This is my take on it. The reason why it exists is because men like me stare at it, first of all. And B, why is

that less valid than someone who starves himself to look like a coat hanger and walks down a runway? You know, who's asking that question right now is Adam Levine's wife. Because she's a Victoria's Secret model and he's naming their kid after his Instagram model girlfriend. Did you hear about that? Yes. That's a big whoops. Dude, what the

fuck? Yeah, bro. Yeah, not good. Yeah. That's a... I mean, when you see the neck tattoo, you go, all right, you're making some questionable decisions. But in his world, that's not questionable. Yeah, that's true. That's like, if you could get tattooed neck and shit,

that's a real motherfucker. That's a way of saying, I don't need a plan B. Plan A is working out fine. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah, if you're like Post Malone, you're getting your face tattooed up, like he doesn't give a fuck. Yeah.

He's like, he's free of, and he's got his whole head tattooed. Have you ever thought about a neck tattoo? Yeah, I'm getting one tomorrow. Don't tread on me. Doesn't Aaron from, what's his name, from Stained, Aaron Lewis, doesn't he have don't tread on Me tattooed on his neck? You should get a Colombian necktie tattoo. As a Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt, I would never have Don't Tread on Me tattooed on my neck because it would just be way too inviting for people to choke me.

That's all they would be going for. They're just trying to choke me. Fuck you. Fuck you with that stupid thing on your neck. I'm going to strangle him. If I saw a guy with a Don't Tread on Me thing on his neck, I'm going to strangle him. If I saw a guy with a don't tread on me thing on his neck, I might have to strangle him.

It would feel extra exciting to put the choke on him. He's got a beautiful voice, that guy. He turned to a country singer. It's very interesting. He's like a pro trump god guns and country type dude he's that who is he stained the guy from the lead singer stained like stained yeah no he's talented as fuck man but he's like uh very politically active he's a country boy

but i think it's i i think it's legit i think that's actually who he is i don't think it's legit. I think that's actually who he is. I don't think he's affecting a thing. I think that's who he is. When you listen to his lyrics and his songs, it resonates more the way he sings now. I think he just had a great voice. And he sung for Stained, and he's like, this is what I really want to do. Don't tread on me, tattooed on my neck. That's a guy that doesn't need a plan B.

Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because he used to be. That's an aggressive thing to have on your neck. All right. That's a guy that doesn't need a plan B. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because he used to be. That's an aggressive thing to have on your neck. Yeah. Yeah. That's like a.

What do you think you would get if you got a neck tattoo? Like an owl on your neck? I think I might get that. Whatever the logo is for the guy who is the Native American comedian. What do you call that? The Hiaoka? Yeah. Is there a logo for Hiaoka?

That would be a fucking badass tattoo. Ooh, yeah. See if there's a Lakota symbol for Hiaoka. Mm, interesting. Yeah. The Lakota are the Sioux. It's the same Indians. Yeah. The Lakota, you know, the Lakota are the Sioux. It's the same Indians. Right.

They called them, the Sioux was like a Native American word. I think it was for enemy. So other people called them the Sioux. They called themselves the Lakota. A crazy horse was a Lakota. Yeah, I think so. And I think Sitting Bull might have been also. The fascinating thing about those cultures, is that what it looks like?

I don't know. What is that? Heyoka Ideas. Hmm. Oh. Huh. That one looks cool, the War Shield. A guy riding backwards?

That would be cultural appropriation. No, I think that's like, that's the goof, if you go back to that picture, is like that as a Heyoka. Like, he's riding,

go to the image, yeah. Yeah. He's riding backwards with a spear pointing in the wrong direction on a horse. He's being a goof. Yeah.

Like, that's a guy joking around. So that's the idea behind it. So the Heyoka would like, crack everybody up. Oh, that one's good.

What about the guy with the flowers on his head? Striped. Right there? No, three to the left. Yeah, that guy. Oh, so it's like a jester. Yeah. So they've like combined things.

Right. Hayaoka as an archetype, harnessing the power of infinite mask wearing. Okay. I think we stumbled into a bizarre community. the power of infinite mask wearing. Okay. I think we stumbled into a bizarre community. Did you see the guy that got behind Kim Kardashian yesterday and smelled her ass?

He got tackled. She was like coming out of her car and some fucking lunatic went up and smelled her ass. Really? Jamie, you got to find that clip. Jesus Christ. You got to think. Look, everyone's got a fetish of some type, if you look hard enough.

But to own it like that and to go, I need to smell Kim's ass. This video I found is from 2016, but this is probably it. Oh, yeah, that is it. Oh, I thought it just happened. Somebody just sent it to me. That's horrible. What a dick. Oh, my God.

What a dick. I mean, what a life she lives. You can't even get out of your car without somebody sniffing your ass. Everyone's thinking your picture. God, this has got to be horrible. Oh, Jesus.

Imagine thinking that's funny to do, too. I don't think he thought it was funny. I think that, like, that was his thing. He needed a sniff. Why do you think that? He needs to get in there.

You don't think that you lost a bet? No, I think that there's guys that like to be humiliated, and that's a pretty, and that's part of it. Like he's permanently shamed, but he's been thinking about sniffing her ass for years. Yeah.

He stepped up. Jesus Christ. He's really inhaling. Yeah. So what do you think that is, like as a law? He looks like a guy with sniffing ass, too. Look at him. Yeah, I don't think he broke any laws.

No. No? It's not assault unless you touch someone, right? I think they beat him up, though, afterwards. They definitely dove on him. He got jumped by her security. I wonder what's within their rights to do. Right.

You know? I think that's in their rights. He broke the plane. Right. And then are they allowed to beat the shit out of him? Are you supposed to just hold on to him? What are you supposed to do? Wait until he tries to hit you?

Dude, whatever happened with Chappelle, they beat the fuck out of that dude. Yeah, they beat the fuck out of that dude. Yeah, they beat the fuck out of that dude. Yeah. I mean, is he allowed to sue for that? Well, he's in jail for murder. Oh, no shit. Yeah. Or attempted murder.

Attempted murder, right? Yeah, this guy was- He stabbed his roommate in December of the year. This guy that did it to Kim Kardashian, he got in trouble for doing it to somebody else too. Oh, so he's just an ass sniffer. Is it a prank thing that he does? I believe so. There's a video of five times he tried to do it. That dude.

That dude needs to get his ass kicked. You do that to the wrong guy. You know? Do that to Francis Ngannou's girlfriend. Yeah. Do it to the wrong guy. Do it to the wrong guy. All right.

You're going to get fucked up. That's dangerous. Some surfer, who's apparently like a famous surfer, just got killed in a bar fight where some guy punched him and he fell and hit his head and died. Yeah. And I talk about this all the time, that people think it's safe to hit someone and just knock them out in a bar. It's so dangerous. On the street, it's so dangerous to knock someone out. And you're going to spend a lot of time in jail thinking about that one second you thought that

would be a good idea. Yeah. People think like they watch movies and they think people get knocked out. It's no big deal. People die all the time when they hit their head. There was this kid in my town who got, you know, just two guys. They got in a fist fight. He punched him once. The kid fell down. He was fucked up for the rest of his life. He was just off.

He's like the guy in your town now who's off. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, that's a real thing, man. Car accidents, guys who played football, sometimes their head just gets broken. Yeah. Fighters, it just gets broken. Right.

Like, you're not coming back. You're this guy now forever. Yeah. But, you know, Kevin James, when he was a bouncer at a bar in New York, and one of the guys that he worked with got in a fight with some patron, knocked him out, and died. The guy died. He punched the guy. The guy was a drunk. Fell, hit his head, and then he went to jail.

For how long? I don't know. It was years, though. A lot of years. Yeah. I think it was like seven years or something like that. Right. years though a lot of years yeah yeah I think it was like seven years or something right I don't know if it was manslaughter or second-degree murder or

what would they convict you on but fuck man I was watching a video of these guys that robbed some kid 21 year old kid in New York just walked up to him and just blasted him in the face and knocked him unconscious and the kid falls onto the curb and hits his head and he was dead in five days and you know they're trying to find the kids who did it i don't know if they found him but it's like imagine they got 20 dollars from him they stole 20 bucks just knocking some out and not understanding like you might as well just be shooting them because you could very easily kill someone this way very easily you're falling so far when you get knocked out you're standing up you're falling so far when you get knocked out you're

standing up you're falling so far and you're hitting your head like if you just fall two feet dead weight and hit your head you could get fucked up man think of something hitting you as hard as the earth hitting your head from two feet away oh my god it would be devastating now imagine happening from five six feet it's like and're getting KO'd, so there's momentum. You're falling backwards. It's not just as simple as just gravity. There's actual momentum too. So maybe it's double the power.

There's also a lot of people talking about neck punches now, throat punches instead of punching someone in the face. And they think, well, yeah, but- Who are you talking to? A lot of people are talking about neck punches? I saw it on the internet. I saw this compilation of people getting throat punches, just like street fights where people are intentionally doing it.

That's just as dangerous because you could break the windpipe. Nah. I think you're probably okay. Yeah. I don't think that's as dangerous. You can get knocked out by getting hit in the neck for sure. You definitely can get your neck hurt. But I wonder if you get knocked out as easily.

The chin is where it's really dangerous. You get hit in the chin, a lot of times people just shut off. Yeah. Or you get hit in the temple, a lot of times people get shut off. And when you get shut off and you fall back, that's the most dangerous. You definitely, I mean, it's not good to get punched in the neck but it's not like a smart strategy or boxers just be punching each other in the neck you know they kind of a little bit do that but it's just really like accidentally they're trying to hit the chin kicks though some of the best head kick knockouts

guys will land a kick on the neck, and they're like right here, like right here and almost behind your head. Because if you think of someone throwing their shin up at you and where their shin is going to contact with the side of your neck, that shuts people right off. That's how Kamaru Usman got knocked out by Leon Edwards. I think that one actually might have hit his head. But it was like the head, like right where the neck meets the head.

Getting hit in the head is fucking horrible for you. So back to that Brett Favre thing. Guarantee that has something to do with it. Guarantee. Yeah. In fact, OJ Simpson's people said that if he was to go to trial today, they would definitely bring up CTE in his defense. But then you'd have to admit he killed him, right? Because there's no reason why he has rage if he didn't really stab somebody.

Right. What are you saying? I heard there was cocaine involved also. Oh, really? Right. What are you saying? I heard there was cocaine involved also. Oh, really?

I heard that there was evidence that was not allowed about a cocaine dealer who had sold him a pretty good quantity of cocaine just before the killing. Allegedly. I should have to say allegedly. Why would they suppress that? Dude, I went to play golf. You remember Jackie Flynn? Yeah. Great comic out of Boston. And we go up to

this golf course, Hanson Dam. And it's the two of us. And we show up, and we show up as a twosome. They pair you up with two other people to play. So we sign in, and the starter goes, okay, you two are going to play with these two guys over here. And we look over, and it's fucking OJ Simpson. Oh my god.

And another dude, and I look up. What year was this? It was after the murders, but before he went to jail. So we were, I just look at the skies like this. After the murders, before he went to jail? So before the trial? No, after the trial, but before he went to jail for stealing his own merchandise. Oh, right, right. Okay, okay.

So, but he wasn't allowed at country clubs anymore. You know, he used to play at Bel Air and, you know, Riviera, all the best country clubs. And now he's playing at the same shitty public corps as I am. And so I just look at the skies like, this is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. This is going to be my Tonight Show story someday, you know. And Jackie looks at him and he goes, I ain't playing with that fucking murderer. Fuck that. He's a murderer.

And OJ just turned and walked away. And I just looked at Jackie like, how could you do this to me, man? How could you steal? The moment they were on like the 11th hole and I'm standing over a putt and I just look at him and I go, OJ, if I sink this, you got to tell me if you did it. You gotta tell me if you did it. Imagine we had a video of that. Yeah.

Jackie fucked you. Yeah. I'll never forgive him. Were you hesitant at all to play with him? No. No, I was very excited. I'd seen him at the driving range there before. Would you play with him? I don't play golf.

I play pool with him. I would. I would just to try to like, like I met people that killed people before. You have? Yeah, sure. But not like that. You know, I've met people that kill people in war.

Yeah. That's a different animal. That's different than chopping someone's heads off with a knife. Dakota Meyer has one of the craziest stories about killing a guy with a rock overseas. Really? Yeah, the guy, he lost his gun, is in a hand-to-hand combat situation with a guy.

The guy's grabbing at his gear off of his vest he gets the guy to the ground kills him with a rock yeah he talked about he's like in that moment he's like uh that me and this guy we don't even know each other i don't know this guy i didn't i didn't have hate for this guy but i just had to do it and he had to try to kill me too and how insane that situation is like you you know you're from here and then all of a sudden you're there and you're in this guy's town or whatever and you're a part of a military some sort of a an action that they're doing that day and you find yourself in a hand-to-hand combat with some guy,

you don't know his language, you don't know his history, you don't know anything about him. You just know it's you or him. And you kill him with a rock. Mm-hmm. Whew. Yeah. That's a lot different than getting coked up and stabbing a waiter

and cutting your wife's head off. Yeah. And then doing music videos afterwards. Yeah. And running fantasy football leagues and making jokes. You ever see the video that he did? Which one?

The rap video where he had a bunch of chicks around him and they're all topless. No. Oh, yeah. Is this in his Miami days or is he still in his Miami days? I don't know where he is.

Yeah. Where does he... I know he moved to Florida. I know he was in Miami for a while and he was definitely doing... Not definitely. Allegedly doing a lot of cocaine. Allegedly?

Yeah. Imagine doing coke with OJ. Oh, that's a good night. Can you imagine? Yeah. How wild it would get if he got a little loose lips? He didn't even believe he killed them at this point in time. He might not even believe he did it.

He might have been so... He might have told that lie so many times that that's his truth yeah you know it might be like you might never get to the real man you might just like he might be like a politician like everywhere he goes like he's just from birth from i'm waking up in the morning to going to bed at night it's just he's putting on an act he never gets the the real OJ. But a couple of fucking Hennessys. Uh-huh.

A few lines. A few lines. Nice fat blunt. Woo! Sitting in the back of the limo with a couple topless girls.

OJ, tell me! You want to see the video of him rapping? Yeah, hell yeah. Find the video of OJ rapping. This is like

after he was acquitted. He was doing a bunch of different things and then he did something. Some sort of rap music video. It was part of a TV show thing he called Juiced, which was, it's labeled as a TV special, but I think it was one of those Too Hot for TV DVDs they were trying to sell. Oh, like Girls Gone Wild.

Oh. Yeah. That's why there's naked chicks in it. Do you remember the Jamie Kennedy experiment? Of course. Jamie Kennedy is like the most underrated prank show guy in history. Because people don't talk about him when they talk about the greats. He kind of happened in between Tom Green and Jackass was Jamie Kennedy.

Well, he had this thing called Guys Gone Nuts. And it was like the response to Girls Gone Wild. So this is like the whole series is this. But at one point in time, they're doing a music video. I know we pulled it up before. Yeah, but the thing is, I remember now that when I found it, it was not on YouTube. Oh, so here it is right here. But I found it on YouTube.

Oh, there it is. So you can still have titties on YouTube? No, this is just slipping through. Oh, man here it is right here. But I found it on YouTube. Oh, there it is. So you can still have titties on YouTube? No, this is just slipping through. Slip? Oh, man, we're going to ruin it. I'm not playing it for anyone. We're going to ruin it. But we're going to ruin it.

They're going to find it. The YouTube people are going to find it. So these gals danced around with their boobies out, and there's a rap song somewhere in there. Yeah, that was not bad. There. There it is. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it.

That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's I ain't going loose, you better shoot me With a tranquilizer, don't be a fool I'm not a Simpsonian bar, I'm not a cartoon It's a bad move, I'm like a tycoon

In the state of monsoons Can't you see the only way I live my life is large And I got the most games with 200 plus yards I got you! What? What? What was that? He showed the Bronco. Yeah, with a bullet hole in it.

That's probably one of the skits, probably earlier on. And him chasing somebody with a golf club. I don't think that was him. Oh. I think that was somebody else chasing somebody. Wasn't it? Come on, OJ, just sign the ball and I'll go away. All right. You're gonna get fucking killed right here. Hey, YouTube guys. That's our fight.

All right. Gotcha. You've just been juiced. He was pretending he was gonna kill them. Oh, wow. And they're running away from him. It was a prank. I thought you were talking about the other thing where people were... Wow.

Maybe he just did something which, like, he accused them of hitting his ball and then got mad. Oh, my God. I don't know. It's fine. Oh, my God. So it was a prank show. Yeah.

From a guy that you knew was a murderer. Uh-huh. Along with a rap video with topless ladies. What if he didn't do it? Imagine if Bigfoot's real. Imagine if all those people are telling the truth. Yeah. What if you're OJ? You're this guy that was

in Naked Gun and you were in Hertz commercials running through the airport and you were a superstar athlete and you were a great dude to everybody that ever talked to him. Great dude. This was an aberration. This killing made no sense.

And what if it didn't happen? What if there really was somebody else, and this is all hanging on him? That would be crazy. It was like a movie. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a Knives Out movie. Right.

Like they've just set him up the entire time. Mm-hmm. Like a really bad book. Who would stand to gain from that? Yeah, some bad evil detective. Yeah. Well, what was his name? Mark Furman.

Yeah, Mark Furman. Imagine. He was a racist. That was O.J.'s defense. Yeah. Imagine if Mark Furman's just sitting there. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. IJ's defense. Yeah. Imagine if Mark Furman's just sitting there, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I tricked them

all. Yeah. No, I think he probably did it. He wrote a book called If I Did It. Somebody gave me a copy of that and I'm pretty sure my wife threw it out. I was trying to find it the other day. She's sneaky like that. Yeah. She didn't fucking want this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he described in it what if

and he described the murder from his point of view. He signed it. I had a signed copy of the book. Really? Yeah. Wow. Probably not a good thing to have around. Probably not.

Yeah. Maybe it was good she threw it out. Yeah. I mean, I never even read it. I just point to people. I go, see that? Look at that. Ugh.

I forget who gave it to me. It might have been Sakura. Someone like that what are you reading right now in the middle of I haven't been reading reading I've been just doing audio books but I'm in the middle of

you know that movie The Gray Man that was with Ryan Reynolds and no Ryan Gosling I always confuse those

handsome fellas poor bastards Ryan Gosling and who else was in it? Chris Evans, Captain America. Handsome movie. The movie that they did for Netflix,

like one of the most expensive action movies ever. Fun movie, but very different than the book. The book is dark. The book is about like a real CIA hitman. Oh, yeah? Yeah, that they found when he was like 19 years old he had committed he murdered some drug dealers or something like that and they incorporated him into the cia program where they trained him to kill people no shit true story no

i don't think it's true story but i think there's some basis in history that they have done things like that. Oh, absolutely. No, that's the CIA's MO. Yeah. Well, they most certainly have hired killers. Yeah. And contractors and stuff like that. I know people have done that.

But this book is about this one guy who's the elite of the elite, the gray man. It's pretty intense. That's cool. There's a series of them. They get a little, you know, it's hard to keep a good idea going. After a while, like, how come this guy's not dead? Yeah. It's just a little crazy.

Kills everybody, barely gets shot. Yeah, yeah. I know. I just watched the, Jeff Bridges did one called The Old Man, the series. Oh, yeah, I watched that. Yeah. I watched it up until a point. I'm like, come on.

That's what I was just going to say. I bailed out an episode seven out of eight. I was just like, no, no. And the first episode was fucking great. Yeah, the first few episodes. Some series have a perfect, perfect first episode. Yeah. The first few episodes were great, but it got to a point where they would have found him. How are you just driving there?

You can't just drive places anymore. It was implausible. Not only that, you have a car that has GPS on it. This is nonsense. And why is the woman that he kidnapped being left alone in his apartment and she's not calling the police? Because he fucks her good. Because he's 80 years old. He does his best though. He's not fucking anything. No, he fucks her good. Because he's 80. He's 80 years old. He does his best, though.

He's not fucking anything. No, you're wrong. You're wrong. He gives it to him. He's getting B-12 shots. Yeah, he's ready to go. He's got those killer dogs. It would have been a really good movie that would have ended like No Country for Old Men,

where it had like a weird ending. Yeah. That would have been a good movie. But as a series, it's just like too much talking and explaining things, not enough showing me things means that you didn't know how to resolve things. And you got a little television-ish for a while. It was bad writing. But it wasn't in the beginning.

No, it was good at the first. In the beginning, it's like they had a great concept and you bought into it. Even the way he survived and the way he managed to thrive, you bought into it. Up until he kidnaps her and takes her across the country and you're like, get the fuck out. Right. They're going to find you, bro. You can't just do that. They'll find you.

There's only so many roads. Like, where are you going? Yeah. There's only so many roads. You get these two actors together and you don't put them in the same scene. What's the guy from Third Rock? What's that actor's name? John Lithgow.

You get John Lithgow and Jeff Bridges together and they're never on screen together. Right. No! Right. Well, I think it could have been,

like I said, it could have been a great movie. After a while, it just seemed to get a little slippery. I don't mind Liam Neeson doing action either.

I mean, he's getting up there and I still buy it. He's fucking good. He's good. What is the main one? up there and I still buy it. He's fucking good. He's good. What is the main one? Taken? Taken, yeah.

When he calls a guy out. People have used that for so many reels. I have a particular set of skills. Yeah. Yeah, I bought that. I love Daniel Craig as James Bond.

Sure. A good fucking assassin movie. Yeah. A good badass movie. And aging, aging action star. I actually liked that. Did you see the video

of the 92 year old man fucking this young guy up on the street? No. Go to Lennox Lewis's Instagram page. There's a video of these guys

pick a fight with a, I think he's 92. He's 92 years old. And he fucks these guys up. He takes his shirt off and starts boxing these guys pick a fight with a... I think he's 92. He's 92 years old. And he fucks these guys up. He takes his shirt off and starts boxing these guys in the street. What country? I don't know.

I don't know where it was. See if you can find it. Just pull up Lennox Lewis' page and I'll show you which one it is. That's it right there. So this, does it say? Says 92-year-old retired professional boxer. So these people start getting into an argument and start pushing each other around.

It eventually turns back around normal. And so it's in front of a McDonald's. So they're pushing this guy around. And so this guy steps in. The guy with the black shirt, he's the one who's going to get fucked up. This young guy. So he hits him. The old dude just flatlined him.

No, it gets better. It gets better. Look at him. This guy's 92 years old He flatlines that guy And look at him He's dancing around I mean, this is an old dude And a young guy that he just cracked

Look at them standing in front of each other The guy tries to take him out Boom! Drops him again And now the old dude's getting wild Now he's getting wild Look, he takes his shirt off. Get the fuck out of here.

Let's go, bitch. Takes his shirt off. Now this kid's squaring up with him. He's fucked. Bam! Whoa! Look at this. 92.

And he's pushing everybody the fuck away from him. Get up, bitch. You want some more? Look at this. And this guy's still... Look at how he's standing, squared off, has no idea how to box. And the other two guys stayed down. Stayed down, bitch. They were down.

Look at this old dude, man. 92 years old. He looks like Russian or something. Probably. They age better. And he probably thought, you know what, I'm 92. If I die, fuck it, I'm going to have some fun.

Let's die like this. Yeah. But when you see that guy standing with his legs like squared off in front of him with his hands up, he has zero idea

how to fight. Yeah. It was the perfect moment for that guy to do that. I thought he was going to start hitting the women because they were kind of,

after he knocked out the three guys, women started coming at him. Yeah. That's a sticky situation to be in. What do you do? You don't want to let a woman punch you. Nope.

Women can knock you out. Yep. Yeah. There's women out there that can fucking knock you out. Hell yeah. Especially if you don't see it coming. Like, they sucker punch you from the side. Mm-hmm.

Fucking dangerous. Yeah. Yeah, you can't let them hit you, but if you hit them... It's all on video. Oh, my God. And if you knock a woman out, she falls and hits her head? Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, boy.

Oh, Jesus Christ. And she dies? That's bad. Oh, fuck. Doesn't matter who jumped you. You punch a woman in the head and knock her out? I punched a woman one time. Oh, my God.

What happened? It was Halloween, and I was, knock her out. I punched a woman one time. Oh, my God. What happened? It was Halloween, and I was like 13. And we were running around our neighborhood. You know, we all had on. Everybody dressed. You call it bums. We used to say bums. Right.

But isn't that funny? We used to dress as homeless people. Yeah, that was like a costume. That was a costume to be a bum. For Halloween. Yeah. You would never see that today. It's true. You know? That's so true. You would never see that today. It's true.

You know, we used to wear like ratty ass clothes and we put dirt on our face. And there was a girl and she had, I thought it was a guy. And she had on a mask and sprayed me in the eyes. We used to take shaving cream and we would put an aerosol top on a shaving cream can and it would spray the shaving cream like 20 feet. It was awesome. And we'd bring eggs and, you know, we'd go crazy. And so she sprayed in my eyes.

I can't see that well. And I chase what I thought was him, knocked him down. I'm sitting on top of him and I punch him in the face. And then everybody's screaming and they pull me up like dude it's a girl and I was like fuck so I just fucking run away I run away and

it turns out it was a girl from the next town over from where I grew up she was one town over and then that winter we were at the Tarrytown Lakes which is they would freeze over in the winter. And they had these big telephone poles and they had floodlights and they had speakers and they would play AM radio and they had a big heated shack. You'd change your skates.

And during the day, you play hockey. And then at night, we'd all show up and they would light it. And they stayed up until like 11 o'clock at night. And that was like our social life in the winter. We'd skate. And they'd stay up until like 11 o'clock at night. And that was like our social life in the winter. And we'd skate.

And, you know, you'd hide some beers in the snowbank. And you'd get fucked up. And you'd try to make out with the girl. And so it was great. So I go there. And I'm like 13. And they go, oh, yeah, that's so-and-so. She's got a crush on you.

I was like, oh, where's she from? She's from the next town over. Yeah, you punched her in the face on Halloween. And I was like, dude, dude how that says a lot about her family life you know well maybe she felt bad that she sprayed you in the face and then she thought while you were punching her you're kind of cute he's got he's got pretty eyes and a good right hook did you apologize to her oh yeah yeah yeah no i felt yeah, yeah. No, I felt terrible about it. Did you apologize right afterwards, or did you wait until you met her at the lake?

I didn't know her. She was the next time. The next time I saw her was at the lake. Oh, so that was the next time you saw her. Oh, my God. And then somebody told me that she had a crush on me. So I'm talking to her, and then all of a sudden, my friend, quote, unquote, friend, skated as hard as he could while I was talking to her, and he lined me up.

Oh, no. Just because that's what we did to each other. And I got knocked down and I couldn't get up. I was winded like I was down. And then I find out next week and I was kind of into her. She was pretty. And I found out the next week she had a crush on the guy that knocked me out. Oh, God.

Of course she did. She likes abuse. Yeah. She's all for the chaos. Oh god Of course she did She likes abuse Yeah She's all for the chaos

She probably would have been a wild one Yeah You know Yep What is this? I don't want to ruin the illusion of this video But he's not 92 years old Oh

How old is he? 53 He's younger than me He looks like shit He looks like a 92 year old man He looks like shit. He looks like a 92-year-old man. He moves like shit. God damn it. That guy's younger than me.

That's hilarious. If I move like that, I'd be fucking embarrassed. He does. He stands straight up. His back looks atrophied. Yeah, he looks like a dead man. People said this was Ashford in the UK, and he was like an older gypsy man that people recognized. Oh.

Gypsies, man. They're wild folks. Love the gypsies. The fucking Gypsy King. Dude, do you watch Peaky Blinders? No. I heard it's great, though. It's all about the gypsies.

Is it really great? Yeah, it is up there with, you know. Game of Thrones? Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones. Really? Sopranos, like in terms of one hour dramas. It's not quite as good,

but it is fucking cool. The guy who's the lead is just one of the most badass protagonists in any drama you've ever seen in your life. Okay, I gotta get on there.

But it taps into that world of like, they live in, I think it's Birmingham, which I guess has a lot of Irish that have moved in and a lot of like they live in um i think it's birmingham which i guess has a lot of irish that have moved in and and a lot of like gypsy influence so that's their dark side they go there they they kind of dip into the gypsy world a little bit it's cool we got a gypsy heavyweight

champion in the world no shit yeah the boxer really tyson fury he's the gypsy king oh that's right that's right i knew that yeah i mean he's one of the greatest heavyweights of all time. He's a gypsy. Unquestionably. Unquestionably one of the greatest heavyweight boxers of all time. He's the Gypsy King. He talks the best shit. He talks the most shit. He's hilarious.

It's really funny, man. It's hard to be a gypsy now because they won't let you just live wherever you want. Gypsies used to just... They were nomads. They would just wander. wander they would sharpen knives they'd go to places and sharpen knives but they do just bring their caravans places and park them yeah like that does still happen but i think they're having a harder time finding places oh really yeah i didn't know that yeah because i knew that i had a friend who lived in the uk and one of her friends from the UK was telling her

that this band of gypsies just moved into like an abandoned lot on their street. They just pulled in and just, we live here now. And then they couldn't get them out. They couldn't get them to move out. These people lived in like this well-to-do neighborhood. Where is this? Somewhere in the UK. Wow.

I don't know. I don't remember the story, but I remember thinking like, oh, how does that work? Yeah. What do they do? It's like you can't get rid of them. They're allowed to do that in certain places. Shit. Yeah.

What was the movie where, wasn't Brad Pitt? Snatch. Snatch. That was great. Great fucking movie. That was a really good movie. That was one of Guy Ritchie's Guy Ritchie

Fucking classics Yeah That's a great movie Yeah Fucking Brad Pitt man He's the real deal Oh my god He's been in everything

Yeah He's done some very Fucking cool characters That Angelina Jolie thing Yeah Imagine that trial Cause you You think that the

Fucking Amber Heard trial Was wild Yeah Imagine that trial. Woo! Yeah. I mean, what the fuck, man? Who had better sex with him or Billy Bob Thorne?

Because Brad physically had it over him, but Billy Bob was wearing the blood around his neck they were doing some dark shit they cut each other's skin and dripped blood into vials and kept it on their necks tattooed shit about each other on their bodies yeah

I think all of us fall short of that relationship in terms of passion that's just unsustainable it's like we see people sprinting yeah he's having a good fucking time I'll tell you that yeah he had a great time long as it lasted she's one of the sexiest women ever it's pretty hot oh yeah my friend Tony always says that uh that psychotic and erotic they're very closely related yeah yeah you gotta always says that psychotic and erotic, they're very closely related.

Yeah. You got to always take that into consideration. Some of the most psycho chicks are the most erotic, and it's not necessarily good. Amy Winehouse, she must have been wild. She's probably so drunk all the time. Yeah. Probably not. Yeah, the heroin doesn't help.

Drunk heroin life does not lead itself to a lot of wild sexual exploits and chaos. It seems like it's a lot of napping and throwing up in the sink. Yeah, Sid and Nancy didn't fuck. If they did, it wasn't good. Yeah. Maybe it was. They probably smelled. Sid, take a shower!

Fuck you! Yeah. Those kind of relationships, though, they don't have a long shelf life. It's like you're sprinting. You're tattooing your names on each other immediately and dripping blood. Where are you going to go from there? Yeah. Where's that going to go?

Doesn't matter. Eventually, it's going to peter out. You don't even cut yourself from me anymore. Like, oh, come on. I thought we were done. Yeah. I thought I did it already i took your fucking names on my arm come on leave me alone you don't care anymore you're just dming a hose on instagram come on you haven't sacrificed an animal for me in weeks i mean that kind of a relationship like if you get involved in that kind of crazy level of relationship where you're cutting each other and carrying each other's blood around, like where does that go?

Yeah. You got to look at that in terms of a long-term project. You start out sprinting like that. Like how is that sustainable? I always feel like that about ass sex. You know, like save it. Save it. sex you know like save it save it you know you're not gonna you know like i think you should maybe wait till you're 65 and then and then finally you got her doggy style and you finally and you

gotta put it in and she just goes finally oh no you're like I wasted all these years of butt fucking. That's a thing that people either like or they don't like. Right? Some people like it. Some people don't like it at all. Yeah. That's not supposed to be good for you. Like Dr. Drew was talking about all the dangers involved in that.

I was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Prolapsed anus. Oh, my God. Tom Segura has sent me and showed me some of the most horrific things that they show on your mom's house live when they do those shows. Yeah. And one of them was these two guys that had prolapsed anuses. They're fisting, and they're pulling their anuses out, their prolapsed anuses out, and they were rubbing them together. So, like like this pink sock

from one guy's butt and one guy like Apparently like he's internally bleeding because they're doing such rigorous awful stuff to their assholes Yeah, that everything was like a bright dark red and the doctor was like that guy probably died that night Yeah, you're not gonna live from that one. Yeah, oh that night. Yeah. You're not going to live from that one. Yeah. The damage you're doing. You're basically rupturing organs. Just think about wiping your ass. How do you wipe your ass after you take a dump?

How do you heal from that where you can shit again? Yeah. Like you're tearing your asshole apart and then poop has to come through there on the way out. And when it's all broken up inside and the poop is rubbing up against that, do you get infected? Like what happens there?

I got a friend who's gay. He's never had anything in his ass. Congratulations to him. He's a non-anal gay guy. Good for him. Yeah. I met these two guys at a show once in Connecticut and I had a joke about two guys having anal sex and they wanted to come up to me after the show and they go, we thought you're really funny but we want you to know that a lot of gay people don't have anal sex

i go okay i go but some of them do right it's still a thing he's like yeah they do you just want me to know that you're not one of those people i go duly noted i'm like i don't know where we're going with this. He just wanted me to know that there's a whole community of gay folks that don't have butt sex. I'm like, okay. But it's not like I'm making this up, right? Like, people do fuck each other in the butt. Yeah. It's a real thing.

I've seen the videos. I've seen the videos. It's real. Yeah. So what are we doing here? Yeah. You just telling me? There's girls that don't either.

But I know a lot to do. Yeah. That's the crazy thing. Like, I've heard girls yell it out in comedy clubs. Like, a comic on stage was on stage, and he was talking about, it's like, some girls love anal. Me! Oh, yeah. Like, whoa. Yeah.

You're throwing up the bat signal. Yeah. I mean, a girl yelling that out, like how much attention does she need? Right. Woof. Damn. What kind of choices has she made other than that bad one? Louie used to have a funny bit about anal sex.

He's like, I never got it. He goes, you're an inch away from the greatest thing in the world. I just did a couple shows with him in Canada. We went up to Vancouver. Oh, yeah? Did this theater. And, man, his new hour is fucking good. It's very good.

It's so good. Have you seen him? Yeah, I saw him at the Creek in the Cave. Yeah. I mean, it's just so good. I mean, I wish I could sit here and quote it, but I know he's going to probably put it out on his next special. Yeah, well, he's, yeah, it's just so good I mean, I wish I could sit here and quote it, but I know he's gonna probably put it out on his next special Yeah, he well he's still refining it, you know and yeah fucking around with it

And he was working on new stuff and playing around when he was here But uh, it's it's interesting to watch him work again. You know, he's he's freer now than he's ever been before. Yeah. Yeah It's like he's gone through the worst and now he's on the other end of it and he's just still doing the same kind of comedy really funny really ridiculous and he's just the fucking greatest guy we we had such a good time you know uh in vancouver the uh mushrooms are legal so i walked into this shop called the fun the fungi shop it had the mushrooms on it and there's a girl working behind the counter and she's got on like a a yellow tube top and fucking pink hair and piercings and she's gorgeous and she's like the

the shroom you know tender wow and uh i got like uh i got an eighth of um mushrooms like fresh fresh out of the field and i took them i don't think louie took them and uh and then we went to an art museum and just when they kicked in i was in the art museum and then we went to a brunch and then we started walking and like we got to a bus stop and i go let's just sit here and look at these people and then a bus pulled up i go let's get on the bus and we got on the bus and the bus went hurtling out of vancouver like went over a bridge to an island and we just got off and we're just wandering around and we went to like a marina and we're looking at the boats and talking to people and and then we found

a bridge that took us back to vancouver and it was like six hours and uh and then when we got back to town we realized there was a a film noir festival that was happening at this little indie theater that we had seen before. And we walk in and the movie was starting in five minutes. And we saw a double feature film noir as I'm coming down. Wow. And I checked my steps at the end of the day and I did 3,200 steps on mushrooms in Vancouver. It was one of the greatest days of my life. That sounds incredible.

Yeah. What were the movies? Do you remember? Yeah. One was called something highway. It was in San Francisco, and it was about these guys that had gotten a big load of apples, and they were bringing it from the country to San Francisco. Thieves Highway.

Yeah. Thieves Highway. Was it good? Oh, it was fucking good. There was one scene where this guy is engaged to this girl, and she's like, you know, she seems really sweet, and they kind of play it that everything is, uh, that, that everything is really cool between them.

And then he meets a prostitute in San Francisco and he sleeps with her. And she's like, and she's like, and she, he's like, you're after your, you're after my money. And she's like,

yeah, at least you know that with me, you don't even realize it with her. And so then later on in the movie, he loses all his money and the fiance fucking leaves him. And the prostitute just looks at him and she goes, aren't women great? And the whole movie theater, it was Phil Morris. It's dark and it's slow and it's quiet.

And she said that line and like 150 people fucking doubled over laughing. It was so perfect. Aren't women great? Yeah. It's human nature. Yeah. There's always going to be wolves. There's always going to be wolves, and there's always going to be sheep.

Yeah. And if you're in that situation, and you don't recognize the signs, someone's getting over on you. Yeah. But you know what? He married that hooker at the end of the movie. Did he? Well, he went away with her.

Yeah. Happily ever after. Maybe it worked out. Hooker with a heart. We all love the hooker and the heart. Oh, yeah. Hooker with a heart in the movie. Yeah, that's a pretty woman, you know?

Did you ever believe her as a prostitute in that movie? It seems unlikely. Yeah. She seems a little too emotionally stable. Yeah. She seemed a little too confident. She seems like not scarred up. But that's what everybody wants, right? Like, you want, like, someone to genuinely be a good person in a bad

circumstance who can change. Yeah. And if love, love can see through everything. Right. And you can see that it's not her background that you're marrying. But the gigolo with a heart of gold, that one's not real. Right? The male gigolo that seduces the wealthy woman. That was his other movie.

That's right. He was in two hooker movies. Yeah. He was dating one and he was one. Yeah, he was one. Remember? Call me. Remember? Call Me. Remember that Blondie song?

It was fucking perfect at the beginning of that movie as he's laying out his ties and his shirt. That was fucking cool. He was fucking cool. Yeah, he was cool as fuck. Him and Mickey Rourke were the two coolest actors of that day. Oh, yeah. Officer and a Gentleman.

Richard Gere was a bad motherfucker. Yeah. But he seemed to get a little too Sat Nam in his later years. To what? A little too Namaste. Yeah. A little too. Remember when he went up on stage after 9-11 and was like, we should choose love, and they

were like, boo, fuck you. We're not in love right now. We'll do love in a couple years. Right now we need to hate for a little while. They didn't want to hear that. They were booing him. But you know, he was trying to like talk peace and love to people. Yeah. We don't want to hear it.

Right. What about Mickey Rourke in Pope of Greenwich Village? Oh my God. That was a badass character. And Eric Roberts. They got my fucking thumb, Charlie. Charlie. They got my thumb, Charlie. That's one of those movies that I haven't told my son to watch yet

because that's one of the – you'll find this with your daughters as they get older is when they get to start to watch the first time you sit and watch The Godfather with them and movies like that. Well, you probably had it with – I've tried with The Shining. They're like, boring. Are you serious? Yeah, they think it takes too long.

Boring. Wow, that's a tough audience. Bro, they're on TikTok. They need to be, serious? Yeah, they think it takes too long. Boring. Wow, that's a tough audience. Bro, they're on TikTok. They need to be stimulated instantaneously. It's hard for them to watch something. What is this? This is the Pope of Greenwich Village. Oh, yeah.

They got my thumb, Charlie. They got my fucking thumb off, Charlie. That guy's a fucking psycho, man. He'll chop you up. Oh, man, it hurts so much. Did they give you anything for this? Yeah. What'd they give you?

Yeah. They gave me this stuff. They gave me this stuff at the hospital. But I took all of it. I've been taking it all day. You took all of this? And I ain't done a fucking thing for you. You took all of this?

I took it all, man. Charlie. Charlie, what can I do for you this? I took it all, man. Charlie. What can I do for you? I didn't do nothing, man. What can I do for you? It was my life, man. I didn't want to give the poor bastard up, but it was my life, Charlie. You're bonding a family.

I don't know him that much. Hey, Barney, what about me, Paulie? I'm friendly. Did they press you for me? Yeah, they pressed me. They pressed me hard. They got myself, Charlie! That's a hug.

That's a hug. With the hole in the face. Yeah, that's a hug that's a hug bro with the hole in the face yeah that's a good hug they got my thumb Charlie what a scene what a great fucking scene the last of the method actors those guys went on to do

some terrible movies yes they did till he came back with the was it the fighter the wrestler the wrestler yeah but he do some terrible movies. Yes, they did. Until he came back with the, was it The Fighter? The Wrestler? The Wrestler. Yeah.

But he'd done some terrible movies since, too. Yeah, it took a long time until he got to The Wrestler. Eric Roberts did some karate movies. Mm-hmm. He did some terrible karate movies. There was one like Star 69 or something. But didn't Eric Roberts do some movie where he was a karate champion? I remember watching this going, oh, my God.

There was some karate kumite type movie. What is it? Best of the Best 2. Best of the Best 2. So imagine going from the Pope of Greenwich Village to the Best of the Best 2. Wayne Newton. Is there a fight scene? Wayne Newton.

Let me see some karate. He's going after him. Look at this. Something I got to do while it's right here. Come on. Now, in a contest where defeat... I am one of three people that can teach you to be miraculous....means certain death. The lat pull-downs. Oh, he got beefed up for that.

Yeah, man. It's in a karate movie. Look at this. Karate. Hi-ya. Flying sidekick kicks a guy over a railing. The best of the best. The best of the best.

Who thought of that title? What if we call it the best? Wayne Newton's in there. No, we got to go bigger. All right, what about the best of the best? Look at this. 1993. Wow.

Best of the best. I thought he was a comedian. Never mind. You guys didn't recognize him. What, there was a comedian in there? One of the guys that they just showed, I thought he was a comedian. Never mind. You guys didn't recognize him. What, there was a comedian in there? One of the guys that they just showed, I thought he was a comedian. Didn't he have a bad accident, Eric Roberts? I think you're thinking of...

That guy. Who's that? Oh, that's Sean Penn's brother. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah. Chris Penn. Chris Penn. He's no longer with us, right?

No, he's not. No, you're thinking of the guy from Lethal Weapon who had a bad motorcycle accident. No, I think Eric Roberts had an accident, too. Oh, really? Yeah. What the fuck's the guy from Lethal Weapon? The older, crazy guy. You know the guy.

He did get in a car accident, Eric Roberts. Did he? 91. A bad one? I think he had a rough time after that accident. But that's two years after words he did this movie. That was 93. Something happened to his hand, it says.

Karate accident. But no, what the fuck is his name, man? The old dude. Gary Busey. Oh, yeah, yeah. Gary Busey. yeah yeah Gary Busey he had a motorcycle no helmet yeah hit his head and he was a big anti-helmet guy too he was like an advocate for not wearing helmets dude Eric Roberts daughter is a huge actress now Emma Roberts oh yeah that's his daughter yeah she's huge people can be huge and I have no idea who they are today.

I'm so removed. How did Eric Roberts, how Eric Roberts went big, crashed hard. Well, he was high on cocaine. Eric had a horrible, horrific car accident in 1981. Oh, 81. So it was 93 that he was in that movie. I was in a coma. My speech was very retarded.

I had to learn how to walk again. I don't think you're allowed to say that, Eric. In 2018, you could say retarded. Yeah. But he was also on celebrity rehab. Oh, no shit. Yeah. Wow. It was a weird one.

Because he was rehabbing off a weed. So he was basically just reading a newspaper, hanging out. Yeah. Other people are getting itches. Yeah. They're fucking screaming at each other, fuck you! Fuck you! And Eric Roberts is over there drinking coffee. He barely sees anything wrong with him.

He shouldn't be in rehab. He's just here for the fucking sack check. This is ridiculous. He's addicted to fame. Remember Stan Hope had a bit about how unethical celebrity rehab is oh yeah it's a great bit yeah it's a fucking great bit because it's so true what a terrible thing to do to people who are coming off of drugs stick a fucking camera

in their face yeah it's like the worst idea ever, like for someone trying to recover. I mean, there's a reason why it's Alcoholics Anonymous. And part of the reason why it's anonymous is that you don't want to hold somebody up as a role model for sobriety because if they then lose their sobriety, it fucks up people that were looking to them. You're supposed to look to yourself and your higher power. Interesting. Yeah. And so the last thing you want to do is put celebrities out there to encourage people to get sober. Because they're the least stable people.

Watching them deteriorate on the show, too. It's horrible. Yeah. And then, like, I don't care what the fuck your check is and what the attention that you're getting. It's not worth it. Like, you don't want everybody judging you based on the worst time in your life coming off a coke you know trying to get your shit together penniless you need to be on this show you're a famous person and you're not wealthy at all because you need to be on the show so the show was the show pay how much does it pay can't be a

lot it can't be like for the rest of your life money it might get you by for the year but now you're stuck with the memory that everybody has about you like throwing up in a bathtub, coming down off of opiates. Yeah, unless you can really nail it and know you're gonna get sober. You know, America loves a redemption story. Dennis Rodman didn't. All he did

was like run on a treadmill. He was fine. Yeah. Because of him, it's like alcohol. Like at parties. Right. So he's just like working out all the time while he's there yeah but you know like that people are saying horrible insulting shit to each other and then they just put that on television yeah oh i could never watch that there was another show that was called uh it was a it was a show where they oh Intervention you ever see Intervention? no

same kind of thing man that's intense it was regular people but like you would call them and you would stage an intervention with somebody and they would

they would think that the TV crew was following them around about something else oh god until the moment where they walked into the room and their friends and family

and therapist was there and then there'd be an intervention what a dirty trap it What a dirty trap. It was a dirty trap, but it was a good fucking show, man. It was powerful. Holy shit. People get obsessed with watching people go off the rails like hoarders. Yeah.

People love watching that. They love watching people off the rails. Yeah. Going to their houses, boxes of newspapers stacked up to the ceiling, cat shit on the floor. It's like, whoa. Yeah, because they're trying to make people feel better about themselves, and they got to go pretty low. Yeah.

Got to shoot low to go below America. But it is weird how we become obsessed with people whose lives are falling apart. Like, we'll focus on, like, my 600-pound life or something like that. Like, people, they want to go, well, I feel better. I'm not that guy. Yeah. you know and you also realize like If you think about as crazy as you've ever been in your life like what's the worst you've ever been and how much further couldn't Have gone if you didn't self-correct if you didn't course correct in your life Would you ever have gotten to the point where you were one of those people that can't get off the couch because you're 600 pounds

Would you be one of those people that gambles away every fucking penny you have no matter what? And you're in debt and you're terrified and you're like Adam Sandler in Rough Cut Gems or Uncut Gems, did you see that movie? Yeah. Great fucking movie. Yeah. And that movie gave me wild anxiety

because I was like, I know people like this. I could see this being a real guy. Like he can't fucking stop, he can't stop. He can't stop gambling. Yeah. he can't stop gambling yeah he's just addicted it's like like you imagined that was you like when i see a guy like adam sandler in uncut gems i imagine i could be that guy really yeah with him if i was him living his life with gambling with gambling you're that guy living that you could see that that was so well done and well written you could see the thrill in like the winning like occasionally he would win and then he would lose

and when he'd lose he's fucking devastated but he would win he'd be like fuck yeah fuck yeah yeah norm had that norm was a gambler he lost everything like three times and i'm not speaking out of school like it's you know it was documented he yeah he had a real game he would gamble on like He lost everything like three times. And I'm not speaking out of school. It was documented. Yeah. He had a real game. He would gamble on, like my friend wrote on one of his shows, and he would gamble if there was no pro football or basketball or whatever,

he would be betting on girls' high school basketball. Jesus. Yeah, whatever. So how does he do that? Does he have a bookie? Yeah. So he calls this guy up and goes, what do you got for me? Yeah.

And they're like, girls, high school basketball. I was like, let's go. Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, the thrill of gambling is apparently one of the most difficult to kick. People with gambler problems, Gambler's Anonymous, and I think it's a lot like we were talking about with the football players, is the high. Obviously, it's notonymous, and I think it's a lot like we were talking about with the football players, is the high. Obviously, it's not comparable, but their high, that's their highest of highs, is winning at gambling.

And then the thrill of chasing money and the wondering whether or not you're going to succeed. And then losing it and then dodging the bookies and trying to go to another casino and gather up a stake. Well, that's what they say is a huge part of it, is it's actually the losing as much as the winning. Yeah. It's the fear of what's going to happen when I lose and then feeling that panic and that low. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's about the low in a way.

I knew so many guys that were gambling junkies from my pool hall days. So many guys. Like every day they'd go to off-track betting, they would come to the pool hall, and they would gamble. They'd play cards. And if they had a job, it was just to scratch up enough money to gamble with. All they cared about was gambling. They were just absorbed with it.

And it was really interesting. What kind of gambling? They would play poker. They would play gin. They would shoot pool. They would shoot pool. But the problem with pool is you have to execute. And a lot of guys didn't like that.

But you had to be able to make a shot. And so it's nerves and controlling yourself. A lot of these guys, their nerves were shattered. So they were just gambling on stuff. Yeah. A lot of them were horse bettors. I knew a guy who got barred for life from carriage racing because they caught him standing up while the horse was winning.

He was trying to slow the horses down so much he stood up. It was like pulling back on the reins. And they banned him for life. And he was always talking about, his name was, we called him George the Greek. His name was George. He was a Greek guy. The nicknames for people were very obvious. It was Ray the Fireman, Mount Vernon Tommy. It's like, where are you from? What's your

name? And George the Greek was always talking about William Kunstler. He's my attorney. He's going to take care of our fucking millions off these cocksuckers. And he was a dirty racer. He was corrupt. Damn. So he was a part of like. Wow. He was corrupt. Damn. So he was a part of like- You've got to know. Fixing race. No, no, no, no, no.

He was always running some kind of a scam. There was always something going on with one of those guys. It was like, listen, you should invest in this. It's going to make a lot of money. I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Get the fuck away from me. There was this guy who was a father of-

My daughter was on a soccer team and one of the girl's fathers used to come to the games and he had a brand new red Corvette and he always had on shiny clothes

and he was a professional gambler and he would tell me about like, I'm going to Vegas, he plays poker and he makes money and every week

I fucking love talking to this guy. He was just so full of life and then one day he shows up and he's in like a 78 Dats and B210 with fucking the wrong quarter panel on it. And I'm like, bad weekend in Vegas? He's like, I don't want to talk about it.

Yeah. He changed pink slips with somebody. Yeah. Yeah. He can go off the rails. Yeah. Yeah. It can go off the rails.

Those gamblers, if you're betting high enough and chasing that dragon of excitement, you're probably going to risk it all. Yeah. Imagine the thrill of putting your wife to sleep at home. She doesn't even know you're putting your fucking house on a game of roulette. Fuck. Yeah. Fuck. Yeah. Fuck. I was,

coming to America was such a fucking great premise. You ever see that movie, that Albert Brooks movie? They leave LA. It's, it's Albert Brooks and his wife is the woman

from Airplane. Remember the woman who's, uh, the star of Airplane? And so, they're successful yuppies and they're making tons of money

and they have a nice house and they decide to sell everything. They're going to simplify. We're going to buy a mobile home and we're going to spend the rest of our lives just traveling, living life. So they put all their money into a bank account. They get in Winnebago. First stop out of LA to get to the Grand Canyon is going to be Las Vegas. And so they go down and they play a little bit of blackjack and she's losing. And then he goes, all right, come on, let's go. And she's like, I can just play one or two more hands. So he goes to bed and she stays playing and she's got the bug. She doesn't realize she's got a gambling problem.

And she gambles all night and she loses all their money. They call it the nest egg. Oh, I remember that. The nest egg. You're not allowed to say nest egg. You're not allowed to say egg. You can't say nest. And then he goes to Gary Marshall, who plays the manager of the casino,

and he's trying to pitch to him, what if I do a commercial for you guys and I say, hey, look, you gave the money back to a customer. And it's fucking hilarious. So that's the first act of the movie and the rest of the movie is just them broke in America.

Oh, this is a great scene. Play this. Oh, it's just the trailer. It's just the trailer of it. Yeah. It just happened to be the right same time. It's her losing

the money right here. Albert Brooks was great. Yeah. This would be their room. He played a great, like, hapless guy who finds himself in terrible circumstances. Nothing? Well, give or take a thousand.

Give or take a thousand. As the boldest experiment in advertising history, you give us our money back. We're finished talking. One of the greatest comedies of all time. The boldest experiment in advertising history. No, he was great, man. You know who his...

how he got started? He grew up in Beverly Hills. His brother was Super Dave Osborne. And did you know that? No. Yeah, his brother's Super Dave. I think I did know. The guy from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's his brother. And he grew up, and his actual name in real life is Albert Einstein, Albert Brooks. Wow. And so he grew up, and his best friend growing up in Beverly Hills

was Rob Reiner. And so Carl Reiner is on The Tonight Show one night with Johnny Carson. And Carson goes, who do you think is, I mean, you work with Mel Brooks. You've been with the greats. Like who's the funniest person that you know? And he said, my 15 year old son's friend, Albert Einstein. Wow. And so Johnny goes, 15-year-old son's friend, Albert Einstein. Wow. And so Johnny goes, I want him on the show.

So they book him on the show. And he comes on and he does this bit. I don't know if this was the first bit that he did. It might have been the first bit that he did. He had one of those Simon Says things where you push A and it goes A, B. And he does a comedy routine with the Simon Says. And he's 15. Maybe routine with the Simon Says. And he's 15. Maybe 16.

He fucking destroys. And Carson starts bringing him back. And he did Carson like 20 times before he was like 21 years old. Wow. And he would always come on with these conceptual bits. And he just, that's how his career started. I don't think people can even appreciate the impact of being on Carson today. Right. I don't think people understand.

There was three channels. There was 20 million people watching Carson every night. And when he liked someone, they would be successful. Yeah. Like a comic, guys like Richard Jenny, who would do the Carson show. That's what made him people seeing him do five minutes on Carson well it's not dissimilar

from doing the Joe Rogan experience it's different for sure you know there's a lot more options now it's like five million podcasts that Tonight Show thing if he didn't like you, you were fucked.

Yeah, it was over. It all came down to that. And if he liked you, I mean, yeah, comedians talked about it. They said that all you had to do was tell a club booker that you did the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and all of a sudden your money went from, you know, $1,500 a week to, you know, $15,000. Didn't Howard Stern have, like, a famous feud with him? With Carson? Yeah. Oh, I didn't Howard Stern have like a famous feud with him

with Carson yeah oh I didn't know that they hated each other oh that was one of those weird times where if one of those guys

crossed you if you were in a bad situation with one of those guys yeah oof with Joan Rivers remember Joan Joan Rivers was the guest host

for him forever right and then Fox gave her her own talk show and he was he was outraged that he that she would compete against him Joan Rivers was the guest host for him forever. Right, right. And then Fox gave her her own talk show, and he was outraged that she would compete against him, and he never had her back on the show. Isn't that crazy?

Yeah. And she was a staple of the show. She was like his go-to person. She used to host when he was off. Shouldn't he be, like, happy she's getting her own show? You would think. But I think, like like the competition then was a real thing. Because we don't think of competition the same way because with the internet, like all that stuff's been eroded.

Right. There's so many choices. Yeah. Do whatever you want at any time. So if someone's watching you at 11 o'clock, they could watch that another time or it doesn't matter. Right. But back then it mattered. Like you had to be in front of your fucking television at 11 p.m. And that's when The Tonight Show came on.

Period. End of discussion. It only came on at one time. And you had to sit there and watch it then. And there was no VCRs. And you got to remember that this guy was on The Tonight Show. And then if you're on The Tonight Show three times, four times, like, oh, it's Don Rickles again. I love Don Rickles.

And you'd see him again. Like, oh, it's Don Rickles again. I love Don Rickles. And he'd see him again. Like, oh, it's Don. And then they became a person that was in the public sphere. Yeah. There's nothing like that now. Like, does that mean we don't understand, like, the access we have to just different content? And there's so many more options for people to do things now.

Right. Yeah, now it's like everybody's got a publicist because they have to work so many different avenues yeah you know you got a scramble to get on you know cable and podcasts and yeah yeah yeah it's crazy but it's also like some things rise up and some things get noticed. And you're like, why is that thing getting noticed? And some of it's artificial and that doesn't work. They'll pop up some celebrity and give them a podcast and make a big deal out of it. But after a while, people are like, this sucks. And they stop listening. There's too many options. When

you're alone by yourself, all that finagling and promoting things. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. People like what they like. Right. When you're alone, you get to choose. Like, what do I want to watch? I want to watch this.

That's the real determination of whether or not something's good. And we don't keep watching. Like, the fact that we both stopped watching The Old Man. Yeah. Like, people didn't used to stop watching. You kept watching your series. Yeah, I bail on stuff. I bail all the time.

Did you see what they did to House of Dragons? Oh, I bailed on that last week. House of the Dragon put all new actors in. That's when I bailed. Exactly. I was like, what are you doing? And the only compelling actor on the show was the daughter. What are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing?

Yeah. What are you doing? So stupid. You could have just made her look older. Yep. You fucking idiots. First of all, she looked like a 25-year-old actress playing a 15-year-old actress. It would not have been a stretch.

And she's supposed to look 35, right? In the next one, it's like 10 years later or whatever it is. That's not hard to do. No. You could do that. Yep. Why did you do that? It's crazy. And they kept some actors.

So they kept some, and they look exactly the same. Yeah. And then they just replaced people. And they said, oh, but we cast the first people first. And then they always knew the people that got replaced always knew they were going to be replaced. Yeah. That's still a terrible idea.

Yeah. That idea sucks. And there's not enough dragon. I want to see dragons. I want to see them fighting. I want to see them torching shit up. They occasionally use the dragons. Yeah.

It's very occasional. They'll threaten with the dragon a little bit, but nothing happens. Yeah. But it's also, they had me until they changed actors. And my wife was like, fuck this. Like, what the fuck did they just do to me? Like, what did they just do? Why did they replace the queen?

But they kept the king? They just made the king look older? But you got a whole new queen? It took me like five minutes to realize what was going on. I was like, who is she? Oh, she's her no what no no no no why yeah and the King I mean I look who am I to knock anybody's acting but like I don't find the King to be very good yeah he's like

I'm sure he's a good actor but maybe he's not right for the part, but I'm not excited about the king. Yeah. It's not compelling. No. But the changing of the actors was a giant clusterfuck of a mistake. Yeah. Like whoever greenlit that. Like where was the adult in the room?

Yeah. Is there another fucking way here? You've got people committed to these people for hours and hours. They're committed to these particular characters. Now you're asking this, like, you have to just accept that you have new actors. Yeah. So now I know it's all bullshit. I mean, when they did it with The Crown, at least they did it from season to season.

And I think there was three different queens. I never watched that. It was good. And I fucking hate the royal family. I mean, first of all, I can't believe, I just can't believe the queen is dead. I feel like it was just yesterday that I couldn't believe she was alive. Yesterday. All my queens were dead.

But I'm not a fan of the royal family, but that show is really fucking good. Olivia Colman is unbelievable. I haven't watched it. But, you know, if you're going to do it every season, I guess, as long as I know you're going to do it every season. Okay. Right. Okay. Suspension of disbelief.

But not mid-season. Episode five? Yeah. What is it? Six? Whatever it is? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here.

Why'd you do that? Like, you could have made those people look old. It's not hard to do. It's not impossible. You have people who look like fucking dragons, right? You have white walkers. You have all this makeup. Put some old people makeup on that young girl.

Change her voice a little bit. Yep. Fuck are you doing? But the knight is still the same? You have the same knight? He looks exactly the same age? Like, what are you doing? But the knight is still the same? You have the same knight? He looks exactly the same age? Like, what are you doing? And then they've also got, because of the time, the men are all dressed the same.

And they all have black, kind of wavy long hair. Yeah. And so you can't tell, is that that guy? Right. Or is that the other guy? And now all of a sudden you're replacing him? So now I've got to make that adjustment? Right. Fuck that. Fuck that. Here And now all of a sudden you're replacing him? So now I got to make that adjustment? Right.

Fuck that. Fuck that. Here's another point. There's another real problem. This is a prequel to Game of Thrones. There's black people in the prequel. They're all gone later. They're all gone later.

Yeah. So what happened? Yeah. There's zero black people in Game of Thrones? How many black people were in Game of Thrones? I can't remember any. But there's quite a few in House of Dragon. There's a lot.

So what's going on? Yeah. You went through how many seasons with no black people in Game of Thrones? And in the prequel, they're in every episode? Yeah. Where'd they go? It's the same island. It's the same island. Where'd they go? And it's the same island. It's the same island.

Where'd they go? And why do they all have white hair? I don't understand. Are you going to address this? Can we just have black people giving them white hair? Why did you do that? Well, there was some black people in Game of Thrones, weren't there? There were certainly those eunuchs, the the slaves right there was those those guys remember

those guys that like fought for her oh yeah but they were eunuchs yeah and then there was certainly places that people went that had people of color but they didn't have royal family like in this movie it's royal family yeah it's like the targaryens or the lannisters or whatever what the fuck man crazy changing actors mid-show is so bonkers yeah it's just such a bonkers idea and they just said okay this is how we're gonna handle it yeah you just fuck people's heads up yeah you're trying it you're trying to hook people into a show, and just as you build the character and get them excited about it.

And she was good. I liked the young queen. Right. It was great. And also, like, her uncle, the guy who molested her, spoiler alert, he's still around.

Yeah, he's still around. And he's the same. Doesn't look any older. But she's like this totally different lady now. He's in The Crown. He plays Prince Philip in The Crown. Yeah. I haven't watched the Lord of the Rings thing on Amazon,

but I heard it's a fucking disaster. Oh, is it? It's the most expensive TV show ever made. Fucking disaster. Do you know how much they spent on it? How's the most expensive TV show ever made. Fucking disaster. Do you know how much they spent on it? How much? $800 million. Right, Jamie?

Can you look that up? I think it was $800 million for like seven episodes. What? $700 million for eight episodes. Something crazy. And I heard that the people that did it have never run a show before. Oh, no shit. First time showrunners.

This is $465. $465 million. This was last year, though. Hold on. Oh. That's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah.

First show that fell. I see now $715 to date. So they might have spent more of it since the last year. Yeah. $715 to date. Damn. How is that doing? What are the reviews?

What's like Rotten Tomatoes on the new Lord of the Rings? I know Elon Musk talks shit about it. A lot of people are very upset. 84% Rotten Tomatoes. Oh.

Dorks. Liars. 6.9 IMDb. Russian Troll Farms. I'll check it out. 6.9 IMDb. That's actually pretty good. I didn't watch any of the movies. Did you watch the Lord of the Rings movies? Yes. Loved them. I'll check it out. 6.9 IMDb. That's actually pretty good. I didn't watch any of the movies.

Did you watch the Lord of the Rings movies? Yes. Loved them. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, I was a big fan of the books when I was a kid. Yeah. The books are incredible.

I mean, the guy wrote a language. He wrote a fucking... Yeah. I mean, he wrote a whole language to go with the whole story. Right. Like the golem and the ring and that whole story. I'm like, oh my God, that's amazing. Yeah.

Amazing. Yeah. It just so speaks to human nature, this poor creature just captivated by this object. Yeah. Be precious. I remember being 14 and being like, wow, transported to another planet. Like, that was when reading was intense do you remember that laying in your bed at night reading lord of the rings or

lying the witch in the wardrobe or one of those books and you just get sucked in for me it was stephen king books oh yeah oh that's that was like my favorite when i was a kid whenever i get a hold of a stephen king book those are thick, too. Those are long-ass books. That motherfucker could write his ass off. Yeah. He was so prolific, too. Yeah. This is a breakdown of the budget here. Average of $89 million per episode.

In comparison, the whole first season, or a season of Game of Thrones cost about $100 million. $15 million per show in the last two seasons. Yeah, you might want to check someone's bank account. But they paid $250 million just to get it. Wow, just to secure the digital rights. Yeah. Wow.

Well, maybe it's good. I've been hearing it's a disaster. Is that HBO? Oh, no. Amazon. I'll give it a shot. Yeah. Oh, you gotta give it a shot.

Shit, if they're gonna spend that much money, I'll watch it. Yeah. I'll give you one. Yeah. Like that Gray Man movie. I think that movie was a couple hundred million dollars.

How much was the Gray Man for Netflix? I think it was the most money they ever spent on a film. A hundred million dollars? I think it's more. Wait they ever spent on a film. $100 million? I think it's more. Wait, and then the thing is with... $200 million?

Yes. Yeah. Whoa. For a Netflix movie. $200 million? For a Netflix movie. And that doesn't include, like, marketing and all that shit.

Yeah, they did one release in the theater. Shit. That's a lot of moot. They put it out for a week just so they could, if they could win an Shit. That's a lot of moot. They put it out for a week just so they could, if they could win an Oscar. That's why they put it out. Is that why they do it? Yeah. Yeah.

It only has to play like for one week. The movie is, it's fun, but the book is way more brutal. Way more brutal. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's hard to do something like that and turn it into a movie where you actually like the hero. He's murdering people. Right.

He's the best at killing people. Yeah. It's like that's, you know. They pulled it off with John Wick, but that's generally hard to pull off. Yeah. Like John Wick is a hit band that everybody loves. Iceman Cometh. See that?

No. Is that the docu-series? Is that on the Iceman? The Kalinsky? The Iceman, yeah. Yeah, that guy was terrifying. Yeah. But it is weird how you're kind of pulling for him

because he's got a wife and he's really sweet to his daughter and then he goes off in his car at night and he just fucking kills people. Yeah, he killed people for the mob. He killed people for fun. Well, the thing is with him is he killed for different mob families. He was a hired gun for the Gambinos and the – what was the other one?

I can't name all the crime families in New York, but he worked for different crime families against each other. He was a freelance guy. Joey Diaz gave me a book once on it's called murder machine about Roy de Mayo Roy de Mayo was he was a hitman who became a serial killer he's basically a sociopath and they just a total psychopath and they had like a room upstairs above this social club. And they would take guys to the room upstairs and just chop them up in the bathtub. And they would kill people like constantly.

He was killing like 100 people. 100 people he killed? Who knows how many he killed. Jesus. Killed so many people. Whoa. And the book is terrifying. The book is called Murder Machine.

But it's all about that guy. So if you find Roy DeMeo, the story of Roy DeMeo. Well, imagine if you're an organized crime family and you find a guy who's a serial killer. He enjoys doing it. Yeah, first-rate story of a mafia murder crew so deadly that even John Gotti turned aside a contract on its leader. New York Daily News reports Mustaine and Cappecci, co-authors Mobstar in 1989, tell a fascinating and repellently detailed story of Roy DeMeo and the gang he raised from teenagers in Carnesy,

a Brooklyn neighborhood where death by natural causes is six bullets in the head, according to one cop. The middle-class DeMeo, a natural criminal, was carrying cash in brown paper bags and driving a Cadillac by his high school senior year. After establishing loans to trucking headquarters in his Gemini Lounge in Brooklyn, he shipped scores of stolen luxury cars to Kuwait, distributed drugs.

One of his crew was the chief supplier of cocaine at Studio 54. Oh, that's a good gig. And wholesale child pornography. Damn! When the inevitable business disputes arose, his crew simply made the other parties disappear. The victims were lured into a clubhouse behind the Gemini lounge

before they were shot and dismembered. It's just like taking apart a deer, he says, and then secured in hefty bags and tossed on the carnacy dump. One murder led so easily to another that soon the Gemini method was used on anybody who got in the gang's way or annoyed them. DeMeo presented three of his coat-crazed crew with a set of custom carving knives, which they kept in their car trunks in case a quick assignment arose.

The special NYPD FBI task force cracked the DeMeo gang. It tagged the criminals for 75 murders. DeMeo, who was rubbed out by fellow mobsters as the cops closed in, bragged of 100 personally, making him far more destructive than any known U.S. serial killer. Wow. Scary-ass book. Damn.

You read that? Yeah. That would freak me out. You've got to read this, cocksucker. Wow. Scary ass book. Damn. You read that? Yeah. That would freak me out. You got to read this, cocksucker. Find out about the dark side. Yeah, man. Well, I remember when you lived in Little Italy, when I went to visit you. You had an apartment in Little Italy right down the street from the social club.

Next door. While everything was going on. Yeah, I was on Mulberry Street between Prince and Spring and the Ravenite Social Club, which was Gotti's headquarters, was downstairs and one apartment over from me. And they used to go,

Wednesday night was the night when they all met. And so all these limos would start pulling up along the street. They would double park all the way down Mulberry Street and they would go inside. And the way, originally they would go inside. And the way – originally, they got a wiretap inside the club at some point. I don't know how they got it in, but that's how they took down Gotti. But then – so then Gotti found out about the wiretaps, so they started walking down Mulberry Street.

They'd walk up and down, and they'd have their business conversations. up and down and they'd have their business conversations. So the FBI parked cars there ahead of Wednesday night and they put microphones in the hubcaps of the cars. So as they walked by, they would pick up the snippets of conversation. Wow. Yeah. And that was your neighborhood? That was downstairs. What is it like sleeping knowing that shit was right next door?

Dude, the people that we rented our apartment from were, it was, their name were Tony and Gladys. I'm not going to say their last name. And they were like in their seventies and their son, Gregory, who was in construction, just bought them a condo around the corner. And so they had this beautiful condo around the corner. And this was a six floor walk-up apartment that I, that I sublet from them. And it was me and George McDonald. And we paid, I think we paid $1,000 a month for, it was a one bedroom and they had illegally knocked a door down into a studio apartment next door. So we paid $1,000 for that. And I would pay them, the first of the month I'd go over to their condo and and they would make espressos, and they had cannolis. And we'd sit down.

You always had to sit down with them. And I'd give her, I'd give them $800. And then when Tony would go in the next room, I would give her another $200 cash because that was her bingo money. And Tony don't need to know about that. So Tony thought he was getting eight yes he thought he was getting eight and so and so uh we got broken into one time somebody came in through the roof into and this bent when I was doing stand-up in New York so I had a lot of cash because you know you run around doing cash spots every night so I had like a thousand dollar which at the time was a fucking lot of money i had a thousand dollars sitting on my desk and it got stolen and some other shit and i told uh tony and gladys what happened and they go we're gonna talk to some people about that we're gonna find out who did it because we know people you know you you

you know who i know i'm not saying who i know but you know who i know and we're gonna tell some people about it don't worry about it. We'll take care of it. So what happened? Nothing happened. Nothing happened. Yeah. I don't know how much he really knew Gotti, but I'm sure he did.

Probably knew him a little, but imagine talking about that. Yeah. Mr. Gotti, I need to talk to you about something. That's it. Yeah, there it is. That's the Ravenite Social Club right there. Yeah. Look how they used to dress on purpose.

That's my apartment. Look at Popeye. Dude, I walked up and down six fucking floors every day. That's got to be good for you. How'd you carry your couch up there? It was all Fernie. It was all their stuff. It all had plastic on the couch.

And fucking there was shell casings in one of the end tables. Wow. Yeah. Jesus Christ. What is that neighborhood like now? Is it still an Italian neighborhood? No, it's all super expensive boutique-y shops. You know, the kind of places where they, you walk in and they sell like six pairs of jeans and three belts.

God. the kind of places where you walk in and they sell like six pairs of jeans and three belts for like $1,000 each and like, you know, little, you know, great little restaurants that have like five tables in them. They still have those kind of places there? Well, that tenement's still there. Wait, one, two, three, four, five. Maybe it was only five stories. I thought it was six. Wow.

All right, Gregory, let's wrap this up. Let's bring it home. People want to see Gregory on the road. I'm going to be coming to you New Orleans next weekend and Lafayette, Louisiana. And then I will be in Chicago

at the Den Theater October 15th. Is it gregfitsimmons.com? gregfitsimmons.com. Also Punchline in San Francisco. Tampa, SideSplitters, Hyenas in Dallas. Punchline's still around in San Francisco. Yeah. Same spotplitters, Hyenas in Dallas. So glad Punchline's still around in San Francisco. Yeah. Same spot.

Remember, we almost lost that spot. I know. We got Burr and Chappelle and a bunch of people all flew up there and did shows and kind of bailed them out. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, and then the podcast is FitzDog Radio. There it is. And then I do Sunday Papers on Sundays with Mike

Gibbons. We cover the news every week. And Childish with Alison Rosen. Oh, you're going to be out here in Dallas at Hyena's in December. Hyena's, Fort Worth, yeah. I heard that place is a shit. It's great. I did it once before. I've never done it.

I heard it's awesome. Yeah, it's really nice. It's kind of got an indie feel. Greg, you're the man. I love you. Love you too, man. Thanks for having me on. My pleasure.

All right, Bye, everybody.