The Joe Rogan Experience - #1892 - Sober October 4 Recap

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

Ari Shaffir, Tom Segura, and Bert Kreischer are stand-up comics and podcast hosts. Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" podcast. His new special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now on YouTube. Together, Tom and Bert are the co-hosts of the "2 Bears, 1 Cave" podcast. Tom also co-hosts a podcast with his wife and fellow comedian Christina Pazsitzky, "Your Mom's House," as well as his own Spanish language podcast: "Tom Segura en Español." His new book, "I'd Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays," is available now. Bert hosts his own podcast, "The Bertcast," and can be seen starring on TBS's "The Go-Big Show," and the YouTube cooking program "Somethings Burning." https://www.youtube.com/c/arishaffir www.tomsegura.com www.bertbertbert.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. I'm really excited. I'm really excited about feeling alcohol. You haven't had any yet? I haven't had any. No.

Really? We're up. All right, here it is. Cheers. I haven't had any. Cheers. No alcohol to now. 31 days.

Gentlemen, we fucking did it. Yes. To all you out there, too, who did it with us. any. Cheers. No alcohol to now. 31 days. Gentlemen, we fucking did it. Yes. To all you out there, too, did it with us. Cheers. Cheers. Baby, let's see what you're playing. Ooh, that's good scotch. That's 21-year-old Glenn Libet.

Very nice. Damn. Very nice. Like a gentleman over here with cigars. 21 years. Got old whiskey. We all got new shirts. It's a we got old whiskey we all got new shirts it's a fucking great day

we all got new non-promotional shirts I just had these in my closet nothing to do with my special coming out today the special that comes out today

it comes out today? today it's on YouTube which is the only place to release a special these days congratulations thanks buddy congratulations

thanks guys thank you for real it's a good move and it's great shit man it really is watching you work at it so so fucking

studiously and so disciplined it was really cool to see it really was and it's I think it's your best work ever I really do

it's rock solid dude it's so good that set that I saw you do at the Creek in the Cave it's so well put together and it's it's thematic but it's not it's just a club special yeah it's fucking great dude yeah i saw you run that a while ago uh-huh and i mean i remember i hit you up like you gotta shoot this

yeah i was like i don't know what i'm supposed to do you have to shoot fucking world shutdown yeah yeah well you wait world restarts and now you're releasing it it's gonna be even better it's because it's i think it's better now. Yeah, I think so, too. It's weird. When I put stuff away, you get back to it after a year and a half. You know, like you see a shirt you haven't seen in a while, and you're like, oh, I love this. It's like, when I saw it the other way, I was like, oh, these setups are way too long.

Yeah, so you actually made it much better. Yeah, for real. Yeah. That's always how it happens, though. That fucking quote that you always had on your laptop is such a great quote. The first draft of everything is shit. First draft of anything is shit.

Hemingway. Such a great quote. Hemingway's a bad bitch. He knew how to name a special. Or a book. It was Bill Hemingway. It's his cousin. Hey, where's the fucking, where's the booze?

The booze? Already? Whoa! And we're back! It's in front of your face. No, Ben. You downed it already? It's gone, baby.

This is 21-year-old Scotch. I know, it's so smooth. People died to bring this here. I feel like it's World War II. Is that a Scotland? Wait, did you say that you did sip that? I sipped it. It was fucking beautiful.

It tastes like syrup. With a fucking Slurpee straw. We were talking about that video. Cheers, Bertrand. About you never quitting drinking. About how goddamn inspiring that is Jack Osborne hit me up last night. I hope you're cool with this and He was like I've been sober 19 years, and I just watched this video. I've never wanted to drink more in my life

And I'm I should watch it right now to fire myself up forget. It's legit now I Will never quit drinking who's legit dude now i will never quit drinking who's that guy i will never quit drinking i will always make sure that i can keep my body healthy enough so that i can always drink i love seeing a sunrise with a cocktail seeing a sunset with a cocktail having friends walk into your house with a bottle of wine getting on a plane can i get you something double jack on the rocks lots of rocks i love the moment someone says hey we should get a drink and you and you're not supposed to that's right first kiss kisses when you're married you get to have those first drinks at a brunch someone goes should we do mimosas and then waiter goes actually we have bottomless mimosas and you're like this is going be the best day ever do you just hide me the fuck up yes yes I'm

back and it feels so good like a warm blanket that you grew up with but it is weird for you it's good to be sober, you were saying. It felt fucking amazing. Wow. It felt amazing. They both feel amazing. But it's like for you, more than anybody I know, this is part of your identity. But it is as much as it is the average dude.

No. No. I mean, look, I think- You know something's not true? That's not true? That's not true. Yeah. That is a false statement.

I think my- Fact checkers on Twitter disagree with that statement. Across the board, fact checkers have a problem with that. The government fact checking is going to have an issue with it. They might shut down my podcast. My identity is, my thing is life, is living. I like to live. I'm like most people. No, but I like to live life.

I like to feel it. You do. You go for it. I like to go after it. I like to feel it. I like spontaneity. You do. You go for it. I like to go after it. I like to feel it. I like spontaneity. I love not knowing. I love the gamble. I love all of it. And I fucking love

I love the feeling when you get a text from you and you're like, hey, what are you doing today? You want to go podcast? And you're like, come on, we'll get fucking wasted. It's the fucking greatest. It hasn't hit me yet. I'm waiting for it to fucking cover me. It's the fucking greatest. It hasn't hit me yet. I'm waiting for it to fucking cover me. It's nice.

It's nice to be away from it, but it's nice to be back at it. The thing with marijuana with me is writing. I was telling you today, like, it's the first day I did my routine, which is either in the morning I usually get up early, everybody goes to school, and I fucking spark up. I spark up and I write. Is that pretty routine for you? It has been. It was for the last few months before October. Yeah, the morning.

I used to do it late at night after shows, and I still do, but there's a thing where I'm tired. Yeah. Late at night after shows, like, I force myself to write, but I don't think it's as good. I think in the morning, sometimes I have some of my best ideas. Your brain's so rested, sorry, Tom. No, no, when you do that, because I don't think it's as good. I think in the morning, sometimes I have some of my best ideas. Your brain's so rested, sorry, Tom. No, no. When you do that, because I don't do that. When you do that and you start writing, is your mindset in this, I'm writing material?

Like you're trying to write, or is it literally just like stream of consciousness, whatever comes out? It's stream of consciousness about subjects. Okay. So you bring up a topic. You have topics? Yeah. Yeah.

Like today I did. Luckily, I had an idea that I wanted to fuck with. And so then once I start writing, I'm not writing, because if I write within the confines of this has to be material Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It'll be too constrained. I'm like, I gotta set up punchline, set up punchline. Right, because then it feels like it has to go right on stage. So it could literally be something like a gun control,

like something, a topic. Yes, I just write almost like an essay. But I'll repeat myself over and over again in the essay. Like I'll start again. Like I'll start with the subject this way. And I'll go, you know, one more time. We'll try it this way again. And then I'll do it again.

And I'm just trying to extract stuff. Yeah. Because ideally you want to get to every piece of it that you think about. Like South Park where they'll cover all sides. I think Carlin wrote like that. Really? Yeah. I get seeds that way.

And then those seeds I bring on stage and they walk out there like Bambi on ice. They're all like fucking wobbly and shit. But if I just stick with them, eventually I know the process. It'll become one of my best bits. It just have to, as long as I'm being honest. Like there's some bits I've just had to abandon. You have to suffer if it's suffering. You have to sit through the suffering.

Sometimes. But then sometimes you got to go, this one's never going to work. It's like you find yourself veering away from anything personal when you start writing. Do you go, do you do topic or do you find yourself like, because I'm mostly story based. So I'm trying to mind shit that's happened to me. You get a story and you're like, now let me really think about it. Lately, there's been so much confusion in the world, politically and culturally. It's kind of easy to have things to talk

about, but hard to figure out a way to make them unique and funny. You don't want the same hot take that everybody has. It's like, you want to figure out what is it about this that's weird to me? And how do I make this into an idea that's funny? I always said that when I first started

out, all I wanted to do was get laughs. So comedy was just like a tool. It was like a ruler or a hammer or a screwdriver. I was just trying to make it work. And then I was like, what do I think is funny? Let me make stuff that I would actually go to see because some of my stuff I didn't think was funny. I was just doing it because it got laughs.

That's really funny. Yeah. So wait, you were, because, hold on, am I hearing this right? So that's a very funny premise that you write. You get up on stage for the first time and all of a sudden you go, oh shit, I have a hammer. But now you're using a hammer to get a screw out of a wall, using a hammer to get like, you only get a couple tools and you're using them for everything.

And the better you get, the more tools you get. And you're like, oh shit, I can I can use this screwdriver just for unscrewing screws. Yeah, but it's more of like I started writing comedy that I would think was funny, that I would laugh at. Whereas I wasn't doing that at first. I don't think you could actually end up failing if you stick to that. Yeah. You know what I mean? If you just do stuff that you think is funny.

If you think that's funny. That took a while for me to figure out, though. It took me a while to figure out that I was getting laughs with stuff that I wouldn't pay to see right and I was like yeah you know I just got like tools that I'm trying to like force on to people you were flying like a really really old set and you're like oh I got some sets from like 93

they're death yeah fucking death well there's one that's out there the MTV half hour comedy hour oh yeah it's death it's young, cute me. Hair organ. So dumb. I was so dumb.

I'm dumb now, but I was really dumb then. But it's just, then I figured out how to do things that I would laugh at. And that was like right around the time I was figuring that out. And then it's figuring out like what's the, don't just accept it the way it is. Edit that shit down. Trim it up. Rework it. Try it a different way.

Figure out a way. And one of the things that I learned over the pandemic is like, you give a bit two years or you give a special two years, it's going to be pretty good.

Give a special four years. Like, it's better. Five and a half years. Ari Shafir Jew on YouTube right now. So Ari, that's a coincidence.

I'm wearing an Ari Shafir Jew shirt. If only. We all are. We're wearing an Ari Shafir Jew shirt. It was wild that you guys all showed up. If only if this was a hot topic right now. If only it was. If only. We all are. We're wearing R.H. Shafir Jew shirts. It was wild that you guys all showed up. If only if this was a hot topic right now. I would sell out of them.

Jew news. Just making them overnight on the fucking cheapest shit I could. Do you think people would be mad at us non-Jews wearing this? Is this an issue? Well, we have your support. For now. They don't really. They'll turn on us if we have to.

They don't really claim me as one of their brightest. This is going to be the maddest they get about this podcast. No way. Nah, we're starting fires. We can't put out, guys. Yeah, we're fine. Hey, tell me about your special. Starting fires, I can't put out.

Yeah, you'll see. That's my business model. Starting fires, I can't put out. That's all I've ever done. It's good name for a special, too. That's why I'm number one. That's not an accident. Just keep moving.

CNN can't never not. Keep running. Keep running. You should do a podcast with Kanye. I would love to. On CNN. I would love to. I would tell him, like, dude, listen, I know you're up to something.

So, like, I'm not going to attack you. I'm not going to claim you're crazy. What you got, bro? You're an artist. What are you talking about? I'm not even following it that closely. I know that he's saying, like, crazy know i listen to lex friedman and him like it's not fascinating to me so i just tap out pretty quick well kanye this is what the way i've described it i'm gonna describe

it in the most charitable way possible the same thing that makes him a great artist he's like boom bam boom it's like one thing to the another and every rap flows with the fucking beat. It's so catchy. It's so good. And he's in full control. He's on the throttle. He's working the blinkers. He's got the brakes shifting gears.

He's a musical genius. He's a genius. He's a genius. When you apply that same thing to conversation, you want to dominate the conversation. You want to say and then enforce what you're saying and then like try to uh try to you know figure out a way to make what you're saying valid yeah even if it's not you're like wrestling with the your initial idea that you put out there just put it you're experiencing pushback you don't like it and look yeah just put it to a fucking beat dude give us what we what we want. Well, it's also somebody who's- All he did was make bangers for forever.

Forever. Just put it to a fucking beat. How many bangers? Have you ever heard Black Skinhead? It's one of the greatest songs of all time. Dude, N-Words in Paris. Oh! What's that word?

He may have rapped through a fucking wired up jaw. The thing is, everything that he's- Raw, raw, raw. Everything he's touched that is creative. Yeah. Also clothing, right? So his designs. 100-year-old t-shirt.

Much respect. The Gap collab Kanye hoodie is the greatest thing I've ever put on my tits. Yeah. It is fucking phenomenal. Yeezy's fucking phenomenal. They're disgusting. They're so comfortable. They look like Crocs. They're so fucking comfortable.

The 350s are super. Kanye's a fucking genius and then you watch him with Lex Friedman and I feel bad for him because I feel like he's like a dumb girl trying to fight. He makes some good points though. He makes, when he's like when he's like, no, okay, first of all we are annoying. Second of all

second of all when he goes, this is great, this is a good bit, this is a good bit, please tell me you do this on your special on YouTube. Please open with this tonight. By the way,

you realize how many people are going to be Googling the word Jew on YouTube? Please open with this tonight. I'm good, I'm good. Oh my God, you have Jew 2 now because of Kanye.

That's right, that's right. Jew 2 coming 2026. Jew 2, that's right. You gotta do it. You should do a post just about how right. That's right. Jew too, coming 2026. Jew too, that's right. You gotta do it. Jew to the response. You should do a post just about how right he is. But what he says, what he says, my bank dropped me because of what I said, and they kept fucking Jeffrey Epstein.

Jeffrey Epstein? That's why. There's not some hypocrisy there? Well, I think now they're being forced to be publicly accountable to something that's They're gonna drop Jeffrey Epstein finally? Finally. But it's something that's very public, right? Like when things become very public, it becomes a problem for them something that's very public. They're going to drop Jeffrey Epstein finally? Finally. But it's something that's very public, right? Like when things become very public, it becomes a problem for them.

That's very public. You know, I was talking with Tony about Adidas. Like Adidas was started by Nazis. IBM. And Adidas. Oh, yeah. Adidas. You know, their brother, they split up.

Adidas? Yeah, started by Nazis. Two brothers. Oh, yeah. Two brothers, yeah. They were like legit Nazis. Dude, who's the- Adi Dassler, he started Adidas and brothers. They were like legit Nazis. Dude, who's the... Adi Dassler, he started Adidas and his brother started Puma.

Yeah. Yo! Puma? Whose brother? What is Adidas? Is there a single sneaker that you could buy that's fucking 100% made in America? Conflict free. No, not made in America.

What about New Balance? Tom's of Maine? I think that is American made. I think New Balance might be. Is that real? Find out if that's true. My favorite, Ms. Patrick was after Black Lives Matter and everybody's yelling and screaming. She goes, calm down, white people.

Ain't nobody trying to take your New Balance. I saw David Lucas fuck around with an audience. Look at this. We're proud to be the only major company to make or assemble more than 4 million pairs of athletic footwear per year in the USA. I saw that in flip-flops. Which represents a lot. But hold on. There's a word.

There's a word. Represents a limited portion of our universe. But there's a word in there. It's a little bit of a problem. That's assemble. The assemble part, that's a little problem. Because that might mean they get parts from overseas. And they're assembling in the United States.

To make or assemble more than 4 million. Because there's a lot of shit that's hard to get in the United States. How about that second one? What sneakers are made in the United States? New Balance, Adidas. Oh, these are like a specific actual shoe. Adidas best road running shoes. They're made in America.

Oh. Right. But the thing is like when they say made in America, do they just mean assembled? Like where are the parts coming from? Right, right, right. Like Origin is a company that I work with that makes American, it's Jocko's company. They make American-made jeans, American-made jiu-jitsu gi's, American-made boots. But even the American-made boots, everything that you can get is American-made except one

thing you can't get that's from South America. What is that? It's like there's a part of the sole, like the base. It's going to be the sole. It's going to be the one part where it's going to cost some money. No, it's not like the actual sole itself. It's gonna be the sole. It's gonna be the one comp the one part that where it's gonna cost some money No, it's not like the actual sole itself. It's like the middle layer It's like there's a hard leather middle layer. You know where the sole. They're doing their best at least. Yeah, they're doing the what's it called buddy? Midsole. No, but it's not the in that's the insole. No, that's the insole. It's a whatever

I don't think they're calling it that though. It's it might be that but it's like it's a hard It's like they have it on their website they're very very transparent about like this is one thing said as soon as we get sourced this in america will make it 100 american but their jujitsu geese their their clothing everything they make all the stitches all the people making it all the cloth it's manufactured here it's put together here that's not common it's like most of the stuff they're getting from like the cheapest places they can get it and that's not necessarily America Yeah, for sure and like every Nikes made basically overseas. Yeah, but that's there wouldn't it be there's be a fucking great market for us A really good sneaker. That's 100% made in America. Yeah

If you build it that way, yeah They're not doing it what it's gonna cost us fucking twenty five thousand dollars,. There's a reason they're not doing it. What? It's going to cost us fucking $25,000. But there's a market of people who would pay it. Yeah, yeah, but people would pay it. I think if you just made it a little bit more expensive to give people a good- There's a percentage of people that are like, I'll spend a little more to claim to myself that I supported America. Right, especially if it was made better. You got to do what Elon did.

If you could show that it's made better. You got to do what Elon did. If you can show that it's made better. You got to do what Elon did. Elon made, I mean, I'm regurgitating facts, but he made being environmental sexy. He made the Tesla sexy. People want it because they want it. I went to see Al Gore speak once, and he talked about businesses, and he said most business owners will do what's right for the environment if you can cost you less than 10% more. And so we've got to figure out a way to make it cost them. There was a minute where American Apparel was hot, and that was like all in L.A.

You know, and then the company, the guy. It's because the guy got weird. He got weird as fuck. That's what happens when you get all that cheddar. You get all that cheddar. But that was like good material. Remember when I went into those warehouses? No.

In L.A.? Yeah. You see the slaves? We were doing Fear Factor. Women slaves? Dude. Dude. Wait, into those warehouses. No. In L.A.? Yeah. You see the slaves? We were doing Fear Factor. Women slaves? Dude. Dude. Wait, what?

I was joking. Yeah, listen. We were doing Fear Factor. So we're working in this downtown L.A. building of warehouses, and it's crazy. Like, it's the weirdest setup. Like, one floor would be entirely abandoned and broken down and nothing. Wires hanging from the ceiling. Windows all blown out.

You go up one stair. You go up one stairway through one door and all of a sudden there's a working factory. Like what? This is wild shit. Like downtown LA this was way before everybody knew what Skid Row was. Most people in LA knew of Skid Row. But it wasn't like a shantytown that expanded out through Santa Monica and Venice and all

the wild shit they're dealing with now. That existed when we were filming Fear Factor. So we would go to these warehouses and I went into one of them and it was where they made American Apparel. And so we'd go up the stairs and you're seeing a sweatshop. But it's in America. And you're seeing people. They're all speaking Spanish.

There's all Mexican music. You know, like, people are talking in Spanish. And they're from wherever they got to there, and now they're working here. And you're like, whoa. Like, at least they're protected by American laws. They're getting American wages. And, I mean, there's no saying that they weren't doing that. But it was weird, just like you walked into another country that's, is it made in America? Yes.

But it's made in America by people who definitely didn't come from America. Yeah. And they should definitely have that opportunity to do that, and it's all beautiful and everything, but being in this weird downtown LA thing, they're like, made in America. You picture it like fucking red-headed dudes stitching together flannel shirts. It is not that. I remember buying American Apparel for my shirt.

It cost two bucks more. I'd be like, no, no, it's the right thing to do. But on one side, yeah, it is good. They do have to give these people whatever the wages are supposed to be, and they have to give them as long.

But it's weird when you see these factories. You're like, wow, these people are humping. That's now. Yeah. That's now. You really timestamp something with masks. Yeah, because it used to be like when you thought of people manufacturing things in a sweatshop, you feel like they're doing it against their will.

Yeah. If you got to America, if you snuck out of another country and got to America, that's a good job to get right you can get a good job like working in wherever where you could actually bring home the kind of money that's impossible where you're from joey's have a good bit about it you should wear nikes because they only make a quarter an hour or something a quarter a day you're like maybe you should move was it something like that your country sucks if you're gonna make a quarter i don't remember how that joke went. It was Joey's Joe's yeah

Yeah, maybe should ask for a raise like I need a pair of sneakers I don't know what the fuck you want me to do like this is bigger than them. I'm gonna get some sneakers. What is the... It was a cadence. It was a cadence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, I don't know what the fuck you want me to do. Like, this is bigger than me. I need sneakers. What is the...

I need to fix the world. Are sweatshops illegal? In 2016, the DOL investigated 77 garment factories in Los Angeles who produce clothing for the aforementioned brands and found egregious labor violations in 85% of the factories it visited. Pat yourself on the back, Los Angeles. You're really doing the right thing. Forever 21, Ross, and TJ Maxx have been major offenders in regards to utilizing sweatshops located in the United States.

So that's what I saw. Have you seen these sweatshops at Ross? But again, I don't know what they were getting paid. I don't know if there was any violations. But you saw some shady surroundings. It didn't look great. The surroundings sucked. Yeah.

The neighborhood sucked. It was a weird mess of abandoned buildings and homeless people camped out. I took a wrong turn and went down where Skid Row is. And I didn't try to drive down where all the tents and all the people were, but I passed by it. And I got to see it. And I was like, this is madness. And this is like, we're talking about 2004 or something like that. Do you remember when it was a block?

Yes. It was just there on a block. It was just that one area. And you're like, wow. And then it just started spreading. But it stayed contained for a while. Yeah, dude. It is crazy that people

are tolerant of that. That is crazy. It's kind of nice because you get to see people's true Republican come out. Well, when you push it. Push it to what they're having to deal with. These liberals, I mean, look, I'm a liberal, obviously, but the liberals,

I mean, fucking everyone. You look like a goddamn redneck. I do. I look like a racist. You definitely fall into what people would think. Not a racist, but not a liberal. I don't look like. You look like, you know. Yeah.

They don't picture your image. You've had a Confederate flag t-shirt on at one point in your life. I've never had. One point you were a Dukes of Hazzard fan. You like Kid Rock. At least you like Kid Rock. I, by the way, had a morning with a heart with Kid Rock. We had a Leonard Skinner poster that was in our bathroom.

There was a tour poster that had a Confederate flag. I didn't even realize it had it. I didn't even think of it. It's just a Leonard Skinner tour poster with the Rolling Stones. But it was a Confederate flag. Yeah, it's everywhere. There was one flying. There's a couple flying on this tour outside of, you know,

like in the proximity of the venue I'm playing. We're like, is everybody just flying? How about the ones that are built into the state flag? Yeah. In there? I think those are down. Are they all gone? I was just in, I think Miss, pull up Miss Sippy's.

I feel like that's real. There was one flying. Six Flags over Georgia got taken down. Just flying high and proud. It's fucking wild. It's wild. That's wild. But I mean, that is, that's like, that's one of those things where you're like, it's just pride for the South.

Okay, but it's the side that lost, that was in a war against the other side. Are you still harboring bad feelings? Yeah. It's a side that lost. Yeah, of course. How do you get to keep your flag? Well, not only that, no matter what, it represents something.

It totally does. Maybe you need a new one. Maybe you need a new Southern pride, everybody inclusive flag. Unless you're lying to yourself about what the Civil War was about. Because people do that. That was taught when I was in

high school. That was taught in high school. It was not about slavery. In my high school, they said it's not about slavery. They taught us that too. It was about trade. It was about free market. It was about taxes. And it was only about slavery.

It was about slavery. You think so? Really? Absolutely. That's really what they taught us. It wasn't about trade and free gas. It was 100%. But then again, they also showed us a third trimester abortion in religion class

fuck religion class where they break the baby apart no yeah where they break the baby they break the and we're like

fucking 15, 16 shout out Lena Dunham they show a pussy and we go nuts we're like yeah she's like

no no look at the procedure like pussy and then and then they started oh my god breaking a baby apart inside a woman

and pulling it out. And we were like, what the fuck? Today you became a comic. Oh, my God. I got my first 15 minutes. There's a story. I was in high school. Give me a notebook.

Next thing you know. I was saying to Tom though today. That's so gross. That's so atrocious. Abortion. Imagine showing that to a kid and thinking that's the right way to handle it. Yeah. Before their parents get to talk to them about it.

Do you have to sign a waiver? You just traumatize the shit out of them. Yeah, sign a waiver. I've got to be honest with you. I mean, I could call someone and find out exactly. I want to say it was ninth grade, and I want to say they played it in English class. I don't even think it was religion. I think it was English.

That was a hungover teacher who was like, what am I allowed to play? I don't feel like it today. What's on the list? I want them to shut the fuck up. But there's also teachers that feel like they have to explain things to kids that the kids aren't learning from their parents.

And there's a good argument on both sides of that, right? There's a good argument like, hey, I don't want you teaching my kids something that i don't want to teach them and then the other argument is you know what maybe it's the job of the educator to expose your kid to ideas that maybe you they won't get at home yeah i don't want to teach math but it's like at what point in time does he cross that line it's a valid discussion yeah it's a valid discussion it came up recently a lot and it made me really think of it when they're like i don't want my kids learning that all that whatever stuff and it was like oh yeah i guess you should have the right you kind of should

but also maybe not you know the problem is like like exposing people to only one narrow band of ideas that doesn't seem fair to a kid either yeah so like i think the kids should be exposed to as many ideas as possible but from rational discussions. Not from like propagandizing and like trying to push one thing or another. And that's the problem when people differ ideologically. When people are on the right or people are on the left and people think this or they think that. If you force something that they don't believe on a kid, it's like whose job is that? You can learn about taxation without representation at school. And you go home to like a Jewish family, you learn there's no taxation.

There's no taxation. Is that a Jew joke? Are you wearing an Ari Shaffir Jew shirt to represent your new special that's being released today? It's on YouTube. Everybody, just go there right now. Just click on it once. You'll really like it. We went to a high school for Georgia when Georgia was looking at high schools and seemed cool.

And then all of a sudden one of the mom raises her hand and she goes hey is it true that you make the children of color stand on chairs and make the white children sit on the ground and they can yell

assault they can yell at them and the lady goes yeah that is true and is it true you do it to the boys the boys sit down and the they can yell at them. No. And the lady goes, yeah, that is true. Wait, what? And is it true you do it to the boys? The boys sit down and the girls can yell horrific things at them. This is 100% true. And so that's where

that line gets blurry. What? Yeah, that's a school in LA. It's a school in LA. They have the children of color stand on chairs and yell slurs at the white kids. My privilege. And so that's where of color stand on chairs and yell slurs at the white kids and flip-flop. Black privilege. And so that's where that line gets blurry.

Right. It's like, what wisdom is behind this decision? What wisdom is behind this decision? Like, why would you impose such a radical idea? It's people running scared. That's not a thought. But it's not necessarily. It's like, why do you think that you're so much smarter than everyone else that you could

do that? And that's going to equal equality equality that that's going to somehow equal equity that's going to somehow balance it out do they do they have a tail at the end saying this is why we're teaching this yeah yeah yeah yeah fucking tail at the end like you're you're introducing conflict when you should be exciting unity you know you're you're supposed to be educating people and you're making kids responsible for the sins of the past. But also, I mean, like, I look back at that, watching that abortion. And I remember, I know for a fact, I won't say the guy's name, but I was really good friends with a guy. Ended up in New York together. And I said, that video really affected me.

It really affected me in a way that I know for a fact I would never get an abortion and and and my buddy was like that's funny I've had six it didn't bother me at all and I was like really he's like I've been a part of six abortions that video did not

affect me in the slightest so I think it's one of those things you're going to put a white kid on the floor and have people of color yell at that white kid and he may see that as complete bullshit and it may affect the one white kid where it lands. I don't know. I mean, maybe it... When we were leaving LA, we had to check out schools

because Ellis was getting ready to go into kindergarten and the kindergartens in this area were like, yeah, you know, he'll sign a racism pledge. And I was like, what, you know, he'll sign a racism pledge. And I was like, what? To be? Yeah, hopefully.

They're like, you know, anti-racism. And I was like, he's five. And they're like, yeah, we have all that. He's pre-race. What are you talking about? He's not even going to understand the concept of this shit. He just figured out colors. You're like, he doesn't know anything about this shit. Now you want him to apply it to skin?

Yeah. But it's also like there's zero racism in your household. So assuming. There's zero in the household and there's like, the concept is even too rich for a child. Yeah, they can't even say that. Not only is it like, it's like he's not going to be exposed to it from you.

Like the fact that you impose one blanket way of approaching any social issue to all kids. Yeah. Like that. And then you're the one who gets to decide. It's kind of like a pledge of to all kids. Yeah. Like that. And then you're the one who gets to decide. It's kind of like a pledge of allegiance. A racism pledge. I know.

And I also can't wait for that phone call. Like, he was racist today and he signed the document. This should be, well, then if we're going to do that, we should have all offenses, aggression. Like, all kids express aggression. They do. They all say mean things to each other. They're testing it out. They don't even know what a pledge is.

Well, it's also, it's like, it's part of learning how to communicate. It shouldn't be encouraged. It certainly should be admonished when kids step out of line. But that's how they learn how to talk to each other. And I'm not saying this about racism, because racism is 100% learned. But aggression is a real problem with kids. That's true. That's a giant problem with kids.

And you see it with little kids. They bully each. That's a giant problem with kids. And you see it with like little kids. They bully each other. Yes, they bully each other. Yeah. They don't understand consequences. And that is a big factor in why so many people are unhappy in life. There's so many people that I've met that got fucking bullied in high school. So they were tortured.

They were tortured for years. Yeah. And that shit scars you. Even people that become like really ultimately successful Yeah, and kids don't know they're doing it while they're doing it. They're doing it because it's a natural fucking primate be They don't know how to regulate their emotions You see it when they're really small because my boys fuck each other up and everybody and everything all the time I'm imagining you know they just you're just always kicking at each other Yes, they get frustrated and then all of a sudden it's just like bam back of the head you're like

what are you doing you can't do that he's like well he took the thing out of my hand like you can't punch him in the back of the fucking head it's a limit you know you have to like talk them through emotions what i'm saying is that like encouraging aggression yeah that's tough in defense of racism right so you're trying to stop racism. So to keep racism from happening, you're going to encourage people to be aggressive. Yeah. Encourage people to yell like bad words and bad statements at people. Yeah. They just have to take it.

And they haven't done anything wrong. Nothing. Wait. That's nuts. Can I just devil's advocate? You got to think these are trained educators. Yeah. So, I mean, they got to have some, they got to have thought of thought of this bro that's not in a book somewhere that's not an approved this

is somebody going i know better yeah you know that's someone stepping way out of line and imposing their own radical leftist for you then no one could go hey i don't want to do that because then you're like a bigot yeah well they when my freshman year of flor State. Which freshman year? My first one. My first one. My first one. That was a good one. That was a good one. Year one of seven. They brought, I want to say, racial tensions.

It was 91, so there was racial tensions going on in the country. I can't remember. Florida's so racist, dude. But they brought the, and look, everyone's recollection is one thing. This is 100% accurate. Is that OJ? Right around OJ. Wait a minute.

Did you just say everyone's recollection is one thing, but this is 100% accurate? Did you just really make that statement? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking discredited your own statement before you said it. They brought the black English class into the white English class. Class. Jesus, you're already drunk. The white English.

I'm getting on my third. And so they brought us in together and they had us talk about our race relations. And it was not the coolest chill vibe. All the white kids were like, oh, it's good to have you guys in here.

And all the black kids were like, these, it's good to have you guys in here. And all the black kids were like, these are our issues. You guys get pens? No, I mean, there was guys in there that were on the football team, and they were just like... The one thing that stuck with me, I remember they were like, I can't believe you white kids just walk

around this campus at night, just walk around and just walk, and you're not worried about getting robbed or mugged. What? I remember being, I was doing that. This is at FSU? At FSU. I remember I was with the chick, and that's all we did.

Yeah. We'd go on walks at night, and I was like, hmm, I don't want to see muggings anywhere. Yeah. Like, but- And they saw muggings on campus? Were they FAMU kids or FSU kids? No, it was FSU. It's just I'm getting used to it.

It was FSU. It was FSU. And so there wasn't a big population of, because Florida State, Tallahassee is a somewhat segregated town back when I was a kid, meaning FAMU was one college, which is all black, and then Florida State is another college, which was predominantly all white. There was this one English class, and they brought us in, and I remember one woman talking about slavery, and a girl said, I can't believe you guys are still talking about slavery and boom I'm talking and by the way they had us in a big circle they had us in a big circle

there was a guy I wish I could remember his name he went to the pros y'all bringing that up again and it was and that was when I realized as a fan of hip hop and as a guy who had black friends growing up, that, like, not all black guys loved all white guys. Did you think that before? Yeah, I did.

I was naive. I just was like, I'd see, I just never, I didn't think anything about it. And I remember there was one dude who was, like, defensive end. And I remember him, one dude who was like defensive end and I remember him say like staring at me And I thought you know you ever have someone stare at you, and you're like hey, what's up? You know like and you realize oh, they're staring at me like they want to fuck me up And he was not cool with me knees and I remember when everything blew up He's like if I see you I'm fucking you up, and I was

Terrified because we all lived in the same dorm. We all lived in Sally Hall Dorman Hall was he mad at you for? Just being me. And you're like, you're definitely going to see me. I have a very punchable face. I do not agree. I do not agree. There's a lot of people that I could give you some much better examples.

Punchable faces. Punchable faces. A lot more punchable faces. Ryan Bader from the New York Yankees. You said Ryan Bader. I was like, do you not punch that guy? That's the fucking Bellator heavyweight champion. Ryan Bader's a fucking beast.

That's a terrible name to say because someone will send him that clip. All apologies, Ryan Bader. You have my favorite line about somebody almost getting punched, which is some, I won't give away. Yeah, don't give that away. But that somebody was mouthy to somebody you were with who's a fighter.

And that, and like, like somebody's talking shit to like a UFC fighter that Joe's with. And then Joe's like, look, man, I know you've made a lot of mistakes in your life, but you're about to make a critical. Because this fucking UFC, I mean, if you talk shit to somebody like that, who gets upset. Let me just tell you what it is. It was Leon Edwards. Wow. Yeah. Some guy was talking shit to Leon Edwards.

And I said, you are making a critical mistake. You don't have all the information. Let me just step in right here. First of all, you're out of line. And you're being a shithead to him for no fucking reason. And you're picking the wrong dude. I'm like, that is one of the best fighters on planet Earth. So shut. You know the Boss Rutten story?

The Boss Rutten story from Miami Dolphin? Who was it? Who, Boss? Yeah, it was some Miami Dolphin, like defensive, like a pro bowler. And Boss was there at a bar and Boss like stepped on his foot or something like that by accident.

Brian Urlacher. Brian, really? Yeah. Brian Urlacher? And he goes, I'm so sorry, man. You know how those UFC fighters are so nice? Yeah. Because they know their power. They're just so super apologetic about everything

and just kind people. He goes, oh, my bad. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to step on your foot. He goes, yeah, well, watch it. He goes, and Boss is like, sure. Okay, my bad. And he goes, yeah, it is your bad.

He goes, all right, dude. Well, I apologize again. He goes, yeah, maybe that's not enough. And Boss is like, I don't know what else you want me to do. I'm sorry I stepped on your foot. And he goes, yeah, should we do something about it? And Boss is like, what do you mean? He goes, you want to step outside?

And Boss is like, I mean, if you want to, we can step outside. I don't think you want to. And he goes, let's do it right now then. And they start going outside. And everybody in the way who knew was going, no! Brian, no! No! The guy with the new hair? Imagine. He was going to step outside with

Boss Rootin. If you don't know who Boss Rootin is, Boss Rootin was heavyweight champion. He's one of the only guys to ever win a heavyweight title striking off of his back. Like when Kevin Radiman would take him down, Boss was fucking him up from his back. Wow.

Like, that was one of those things where a lot of people disagree with the decision. Like, no, Randleman was on top. No, but Boss was blasting him with elbows and punches from his back. That open hand shit he would do to your ear. Dude, that was in Pancrase. In Pancrase, open hand palm strikes.

He fucked people up with that. He also beat Chiyoshi Kosaka when TK was in his prime. Like, Bas Rutten was a fucking monster. The truth. A monster. And I could see, too, a guy like Urlacher. You know, you're like an all-pro.

Bas is not that tall. Yeah, you're like big. It's such a mistake. That'd be really bad. Bas Rutten has the best podcast appearances on this podcast. He was one of the very first guys that, like, was a high-level striker that entered into any sort of mixed competition. There was a few guys. There was Orlando Veit, who was in the early UFCs.

But Orlando, who was like a wicked Muay Thai fighter, he was small. He was like 180 pounds. So to get someone who's like a really high-level guy, that's like a high-level striker that enters into MMA competition and he was just blasting people with kicks fucking people's legs up yeah he was fucking people up man he was like an intelligent animal was the way I was just so aggressive boss was so aggressive he had that like Holland style with like vicious power and he was just waylaying people. For that guy to do that to Boss Root

and to ask him to go outside with him would have been one of the most horrendous disasters. You just want to see it, though. If somebody had video footage of that, it would have ruined that dude's life. Well, a more amateur version of it was that thing caught on video where that football player,

I think it was in Oklahoma somewhere, was in that bathroom. Him and a guy who clearly you see the ears on this dude. You're like, oh this guy is rad. That's the sign that they didn't know back then. Wait, you haven't seen this video? Uh-uh. Oh, dude.

Oh, you've seen it, you have seen it. You've seen it, Jamie? What is it? What is it? It's a, it's a. Jamie's already crying. Yeah, you've played it. Yeah, you've played it.

Which one is it? I wanna see it so bad. It's in a bathroom. What happened? It's an OU football player. And what happens is... Oh. No, it's there.

Oh, it's there? Yeah. You see it right here. And they're talking shit. That's the football player on the left. Oh, I have seen this. Yeah, I remember this. This is the guy who clearly trains.

I thought it was Ben Aspin. Yeah. Oh, what you got? Hey, put the phone down. Get the fuck out. Get out of here. Oh, yeah. I remember this. He takes him down, dumps him on the ground.

He ripped his bicep. He ripped his bicep doing that? Yeah, he tore his bicep. He tore his own bicep? Yeah, because he's so big. The meme, he's got his back and he's punched him in the face. Yeah, and then he gets him into a choke. Look at this guy. Protect the drink. Yeah, and he chokes and he's got his back and he's punched him in the face. Yeah, and then he gets him into a choke. Look at this guy.

Protect the drink. Yeah, and he chokes him. Oh, my God. That's incredible. The dude's trying to punch him. Those punches don't have power. He's trying to punch him. Now he's got him in, like, a half-assed Americana. And that's his buddy?

Yeah, they're brothers. He's still on top of him. Oh, my God. Yeah. And the urine. Oh, he stuck his head. Because he're brothers. He's still on top of him. Oh, my God. In the urinal. Oh, he stuck his head. Because he got bullied. It's just so righteous. It's so righteous.

They're beating the fuck out of him. Yeah, man, don't start fights if you don't know how to fight, man. Don't do that. It's big guy energy, and I've seen it so much in my life, especially going to school like Florida State, where a guy's just 6'3", and he decides, I have never had to worry about anyone. It's jujitsu.

It changed the fucking bully game. You have to fear everyone. Do you see that moment, too, where he goes like, he licks the blood off his hands? Yeah. What about the hotel room? The hotel hallway? That's my favorite story ever. Oh, the Tate story?

That's my favorite story ever. That guy was such a fucking idiot. Don't worry. He's been practicing on his aplaudas. He's going to do one in and then chug them out. Yeah. That guy was such a fucking idiot. Don't worry, he's been practicing on his aplaudas. He's going to do one in and then chug him out. Yeah, so we're at this Hard Rock Hotel, and it's Tate, me, and Eddie Bravo. And there's this really big dude. And this really big dude is in the hallway, and he's like 6'6", big fucking athlete.

Obviously, everyone's scared of him. And Tate's a big guy himself. Tate fought on The Ultimate him. Tate's a big guy himself. Tate fought on the Ultimate Fighter. Tate's a legit Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. Tate's trying to get into his room, and his key's not working. Something's wrong. I forget what it was. No, Tate went inside.

That's right. Your rooms are connecting. Our rooms are connected. Tate goes to the room, and then the guy is trying to use his key on Tate's door. He's saying, you're in my fucking room. And Tate's like, no, man, I'm pretty sure it's my room. Look, key works. Calm.

Tate's sober at the time. Yeah, Tate's totally sober. And the guy's like, no, fuck you, man. You're in my room. And Tate's like, I don't know what to tell you. This is my room. See you. Bye.

And he shuts the door. And so our rooms are connected. We have the door open. And this guy's pounding on the door. And we're rooms are connected. We have the door open. And this guy's pounding on the door. And we're like, fuck. And so all three of us go out in the hallway with Tate. So it's me and Eddie Bravo and Tate and this big fucking guy and his two dopey friends. And his two dopey friends don't know what to do.

And this guy's gigantic. And he says something like, I'll fuck you up and this and that. I go, dude, you're making a fucking tremendous mistake here. And we just step back, and then he tries to get out of it. And then Eddie's like, man, you said you were going to do something. Fucking do something. Eddie literally causes the guy to come back out. So this dumb guy comes back out, and he literally steps to Tate

like he's going to take a swing at him. Tate grabs him, pulls guard, puts him in an omoplata. Security guard shows up. The security is like, hey, stop, stop, stop. And he goes, are you Joe Rogan? I go, yeah, what's up? How you doing, man? I go, don't worry. I go, he's not going to hurt him. I go, he's just going to strangle him unconscious and put him to sleep. And so Tate goes, well, now I guess I have to put him to sleep. So Tate transitions from an omoplata to a rear naked choke with the omoplata. So an omoplata is a shoulder lock, and it's a shoulder lock where your arm is like really

high up behind your back, and the guy's legs are wrapped around it. So Tate is wrapped around it like this, and he has access to the guy's neck. So he just grabs his neck, and he puts him to sleep. Puts him to sleep out cold. The dude goes out. His friends pick him up. They drag him into an elevator and he just disappears

from life. That's not like the best version of an omplata. It's the best to see it. It's like that's you can see it right there, but from what that position like Tate has his legs crossed like he's got a lot of weight on him, and then he just strangles his neck. So he just leans forward from there.

So with the omoplata still in? Tate was in Colorado. Yes, with the omoplata still in. He let go of the omoplata to put him to sleep. Tate was in Colorado at my Red Rock show, and we're hanging out partying late one night. Tate's sober, obviously. And I said, Tate, can you tell that story? So Leanne's there. Everyone's around, and he starts telling the story. And he goes, you know, I listened to you tell it on Joe, and there said, Tate, can you tell that story? So Leanne's there.

Everyone's around, and he starts telling the story. And he goes, you know, I listened to you tell it on Joe, and there's some parts that are very interesting that you're not leaving into the story. I said, what? He says, I was practicing on my transition from omoplata to rear naked choke. And so I was like, oh, I've been working on this.

It should be fun to work on a guy that has never done one. He gets to tackle something. So he's like, oh, cool, I got it. Dude, to see Tate pull, he was like, I can't tackle this guy because there's a plate glass window behind him. He goes, we're in this elevator lobby area. He goes, I'm just going to pull guard. Like, he just fucking pulled guard.

He just got on his back and cinched at him. So he just grabbed the guy and pulled him on top of him and then immediately laced his leg over his arm and had this guy face forward fucked on the carpet. At what point does this guy go from, I got him, to, wait, what's he doing? Well, Tate never hurt him. He never hurt him. He never punched him. He didn't beat him up. He didn't do anything to him.

He just put him to sleep and then they woke him up. Because all it does is shut off your, it's like pinching a garden hose. Cuts off the water. Brain goes out. Let it shut off your it's like pinching a garden hose Cut off the water Brain brain goes out let it go the guys like what the fuck his friends just put him in the elevator Took him that's and they apologized. They're sorry my friends an asshole. I go. It's alright, brother Have a nice day was the king to it It's you know a deal bomb squad of like if somebody went too hard during training and they're like threatening to injure people just like hey Dude, we're just rolling here. We're just learning. Yeah, bring in the giant

He would go to, uh, Eddie would go, Hey Tate, roll with this guy now. And he'd look at him for like an extended second. Tate was like loud and clear. Tate is the guy they hire to be the scariest guy in the fucking movie.

Yeah. When they're like, yo, we need to get to the point where, where, where we think that, uh, not Wesley Snipes. Who's,

uh, look at Tate. Bro, there's a scene. He's in John Wick. Tate's's this scene. He's in John Wick. Tate's in John Wick. He's in that wild scene in the disco. Yeah, he gets killed.

But he's in that wild scene in the disco where all the Russian killers are coming after John Wick and he's got to take them all out. Look, he's about to get stabbed right there. He fights Denzel Washington in the, whatchamacallit, and he's the guy where they go,

clearly this is the guy that's going to kill the guy. Yeah. he's ends up dying hilarious Hollywood for Denzel I'm watching it could be an update Fletcher My daughter's met Tate's my Tate's girlfriend Lacey is my trainer, and so she's a part of our family and My daughter's love Lacey and Tate comes over and introduces himself, and my daughters are mesmerized. They're like, what the fuck is this? Yeah. That's our boy.

He's a good man. Tate was also the king while we were in the road, the king of just grabbing me in the lobby of a hotel near couches and stuff. I'm like, dude, this is not even a mat. There's odd shapes here. It's underspoken how much the work Tate does in movies

as a fight guy. We just saw the one with Denzel on the bus the other night. How much work goes into that because it's the reason I had to get surgery. You can't just show up in a movie and be like, I'm a fight guy. You need the reason I had to get surgery You can't just show up in a movie and be like, I'm a fight guy

You need to know what the fuck you're doing Because else you have to do extended stuff to look like you're fighting That's Keith Jardine too, it looked like Was it Keith in this too? There are a lot of the same stuff You see that Look at this, it's Tate Tate gets killed by John Wick

That movie was so brutal That was what got me through our Sober October competition I by John Wick. That's so rough. That movie was so brutal. It's so brutal. That was what got me through our Sober October competition. Really? Watching that? I watched John Wick 50 times in a row once. The day I did like seven hours on the elliptical machine. Seven hours?

Stallone just came out and said that one of his big regrets, he's like, don't do your own stunts. Dude. Wow. He regulated it tremendously. Well, he broke his neck. He got all kinds. Stallone has his neck fused from The Ex stunts. Wow. He regulated it tremendously. Well, he broke his neck. He got all kinds.

Stallone has his neck fused from the Expendables. Wow. He was doing the Expendables when he was like fucking 60. You're too old for that. Nobody gives a shit if you're doing stunts. That was shit through in the 80s. That doesn't matter anymore. Bernie's over there making these noises.

Yeah, it's about to be a 22 year old. Can I tell you that to this day, Anthony Bourdain asked for a beer once on the first show we did, and I didn't realize that that's what he was asked for because in the middle of talking to him and I regret it because I realized it later it bothers me that much wait what do you have a beer just like looking at his beer his beer was empty and I didn't get him another beer oh fuck oh still bothers me isn't that weird yeah weird shit like that yeah yeah sticks with you forever like I should have got a beer but I was in the middle of talking I was like like, is that what he wants? Oh, man, he didn't want a beer.

Is it too late? He's just like, yeah, yeah. What do I do now? I was too high. That was back in the day when we would do the volcano. Volcano days. I don't recommend that. I don't recommend that.

Like, I did so many podcasts where I was obliterated. I mean obliterated. I was like next door neighbor to reality. I don't even know how you do that. It was beautiful. That podcast, your podcast was beautiful when you felt like you were yelling into a cave Yeah, nobody was listening. No one's listening. You're all like living room Yeah, did it in the living room did it in your office became?

Yeah, it was my office became my kids family did it on a like a laptop screen We have to like put people on the floor when people on the couch we could all get in the same together That's what we tell me sit up sit up Tommy Tommy was always like what the fuck is he doing? one people on the couch so we could all get in the screen together. You keep telling me. Sit up. Sit up, Tommy. Sit up. Tommy was always like, what the fuck is he doing? Why is he engaging in this stupid fuck TV? I thought it was the same thing as a flotation. But I remember when you started realizing

it was a big deal. I remember you saying, you stopped me and Red Bear from speaking and you go, guys, remember, people are listening to this. And I go, guys, remember, people are listening to this. And I remember going like, oh, we should put some thought into what we say as opposed to just. Talking. Just having fun.

Talking shit. Buttholes, buttholes, buttholes. Yeah, you don't even care if what you're saying is good. You're just trying to find something to say. Yeah. Like you don't know what the fuck you're doing. No one's listening and you just started this. This is how we all started. It's pretty wild, but I fucking knew I was supposed to keep doing it.

Why? I don't know. But why? Because I felt like I could get better at it. You also liked it. It was fun to do. It was fun in a green room to, like, just throw the thing on. Let's talk to people.

Also, because Anthony Cumia had set up live from the compound. because Anthony Cumia had set up live from the compound. So he had a green screen in his basement with a full camera setup and microphone setup, and they had switched cameras. He had a real professional setup. I was like, oh, that's possible. You could put the city behind you. You could put whatever the fuck you want behind you.

Damn. Oh, my God. Look at Red Band. Look at Finn Red Band That's cute Red Band I'm at Ari's hair loss right now That's number three I did that surgery out of my eyes

Yeah we didn't know what the fuck we were doing What's that sign behind you That's from the man show Alright Brian shoved that tomahawk pipe up his ass So we got our tomahawk pipe up his ass, and we got to get it out. So we got our tomahawk pipe that we're going to order last week. You said a peace pipe.

What is a peace pipe? It's a fucking battle axe. Peace or war. Your choice, bitch. Peace or war. So stupid. We were just being stupid. It was so good, though.

We were all barbecued. We were like, look at Ari's body posture. He's way too high right now. I was so good, though. We were all barbecued. Look at Ari's body posture. He's way too high right now. I'm so high. That's Ari when he's too high. This is the body posture. How about the one when you fucking... You're not even moving. How about the one when you smoked salvia on a podcast and had a four-month life?

On Tripoli's podcast. Tell that story. That's the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life. It's one of the craziest videos you could watch. Yeah, they made Red Band and Tripoli's podcast. Tell that story. It's the most uncomfortable thing I've ever seen in my life. It's one of the craziest videos you could watch. Yeah, they made Red Band and Tripoli's podcast. They were like, do Salvia. So I took a big hit and they were like, that's not big enough. And I was on the brink of disappearing.

And then I took a way bigger hit and I was just gone. Completely gone. I was living under the sea for, I think, around six months. What? Yeah. I made friends. I had a girlfriend or wife. I'm not sure.

I had a life down there. A life in about eight minutes. Really? And then I started coming back. And then they're all like, hey, so you're fine? You're ready to talk? And it was like, no. And then I couldn't breathe the air.

Somebody gave me some water. This is for breathing, not drinking. The coming back was so difficult. So you, wait a minute, you felt like you were under the sea, not even in a compound? Breathing, breathing, water. I forgot that part. So you lived for

months down there? Months and months. I became part of their society. This doesn't look fun. When you went there the first time, do you remember? Oh, my God. Were you always there? Yeah, yeah. It was just like you had always been there.

This is like who I am now. That looks terrible. This is the reason I've never tried salvia. It looks worse than it is. What if the real salvia- No, no, no. It does not look worse than it is. Dude, it was an amazing time.

What if consciousness and what if your soul, whatever the fuck that is, really does travel through different dimensions and you can really access them and have that? This is like coming back from space where you're like, oh, I don't know how to use my legs. It was two minutes out of six months. Jesus Christ. I'm trying to grab it. I'm like, don't contain me. So you came back after six months. What did you think?

Did you think, oh, my God, I did salvia and I'm living under the water? I thought I was swimming up to the shore. I was swimming up and then I was like, on the shore, I'm like, who's that guy Sam Tripoli on the shore? Who's that guy on the land? Do you remember entering into that world though, under the sea? Do you remember that at all? No, I was just there. You were just always

there. I guess in the first like ten seconds, maybe I did, but then I was just like, I don't know. Imagine if that's what... Imagine if that's what tripping is. Imagine if that really is what tripping is. You're really accessing alternative lives. It doesn't look great.

I would love it if that was what it was. Imagine if your life is going on simultaneously all over the universe. Your life, but in different forms. When they try to give me water, i just spit it up immediately jesus man yeah yeah wild took a triple triple is the tip of the spear this is this is the most valuable warrior 2022. yeah for real when joey valuable comedy warrior joey tried to give me a star of death you know one and I was like, fuck no. No way.

And he cut a corner off, and I was like, uh-uh. And then he cut that down, and I was like, fine. Yeah. I've never been more out of my mind. Oh, those gummies, man. He got us the same from that. I've never been crazier. I used to have that joke about it.

Remember when the guy was like, I go, how much did I eat? He's like, just a leg. Just a leg. Los Gumis Hermanos. Yes. Los Gumis Hermanos. It was shaped like a joker I didn't know where I was during his podcast Oh my god

The thing that broke me out of it Was he does ad reads But like not like you're supposed to He's like fucking ship station You gotta ship your shit out If you're a goddamn American you need a ship station I go you're allowed to do that He's like do what I'm like you're fucking like cursing during all the ad

he's the fuck are you talking about stamps fucking dot com he's like cursing during all of them i was like what joey diaz joey diaz we got i remember we found out dan murr passed away on the podcast and joey goes joey you gotta say who that is first he owned a comedy club he was a crazy drug addict tyrant but we just found out well you said he was a tyrant because he didn't want you on stage that was me and you and he goes he goes uh god damn it life's short that guy was a piece of shit. God bless him. God bless him. God bless him. A real garbage motherfucker. God bless his soul. Yeah, he's gone. He's gone.

He goes, you know, he's a real creepy guy. He's a real creepy guy. Rest in peace. Rest in peace, Denver. Whatever you are, I'm sure it's not a good place. Yeah, this is it. He wouldn't give you your check. He'd be like, where are you guys going out tonight?

I'll give it to you there. He fucking did a lot of creepy things. Rest in peace. Cut the mid-time. Rest in peace. That's the best eulogy ever. A lot of creepy things. It wasn't good.

Rest in peace. Yeah, he's a creepy fuck. He was living with his brother. He's a creepy fuck. Poor guy. He said that at the memorial good. Rest in peace. Yeah, he's a creepy fuck. He was living with his brother. He's a creepy fuck. Poor guy. He said that at the memorial service. I would die. Oh, my God.

He did a lot of creepy things. All those Coke guys, though. Guys who love Coke. Like, that world. Joey was in that world. Yeah. He wouldn't give you his check. He knows that Coke world.

He'd say, I'll give you a check tonight. Where are you going? I'll give it out. And Joey's like, give me my fucking check now. And he goes, no, no, I'll meet you out later. Tell me where you guys are hanging out tonight. To Dan? Yeah, he wanted to come hang out with us.

He wanted to be part of the party. He wanted to come hang out with us. That was the, like, I don't mean to be sappy, but that was probably my favorite time of being a professional comedian. What? Is becoming friends with you guys and having Joey in my life. And then Joey was like my neighbor. So he was a part of my life.

He'd show up to Easter. He'd show up to every event we had. I remember when he slipped my dad marijuana. And my dad's eating popcorn. And my dad's like, I go, Dad, don't eat that. And he's like, and Joey's like,

I remember Joey. We should tell him they had weed popcorn. They had weed popcorn, yeah. Which is so evil because it gives you the munchies and something to munch on. It's Easter morning. It's like 10 in the morning. The girls are hunting eggs. And Joey goes, Mr. K, want to see the devil's dick today?

And my dad's like, sure, Joey. And so they start feeding him popcorn. And I go, Dad, what are you doing? And he goes, oh, Joey's got this popcorn. It's delicious, bud. You should try some. And Joey's going, ha, ha, ha, ha. So he didn't tell your dad at all.

Did not tell my dad. And my dad. That seems to run in your family. Us getting drugged? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you're asking for it. My dad went in hard into weed after that.

Whoa. Really? Converted him. Hard into weed. Turned him into a weed head. And he smoked. He never smoked. He eats edibles.

To this day, he eats edibles. So much so it ruined. I paid $6,000 each for us to play at Pebble Beach. Yeah. And my dad ate so many edibles, he couldn't stand by the water. No. Ruined it. No.

God damn it. He's probably worried about alligators, rightly so. God damn, man. But yeah, Joey, that was the greatest. In my favorite time in living. It's so fun. You ever have something that's nagging at you until someone mentions it?

And then you're like, oh yeah, I've been thinking about that, but I can't put my place on it. He gave me an edible, a 25 milligram edible, and then I ate it and it's fine. And then there's something nagging at me. And then eventually someone was like, how are you enjoying that 25 milligram edible? And the ate it and it's fine and then just something nagging at me and then i i eventually someone's like how you enjoying that 25 milligram edible and the way he said it was like i looked back and the the 25 was crooked and i'm like what and just peel

it off it says 250. and i'm like what so much that's so much so much 200 is so much there's very few people that know that energy of what how's that feeling how's it feeling yeah i know that with you intimately i remember and that's what kind of shoved us off of sober october yeah was that thing it's so tough to explain to people why i love you it is it is oh my god it is you. You're the sweetest guy that I know. You're the most thoughtful, sensitive, insightful, funniest guy I know. You're one of my favorite human beings alive. And I have to stand next to you drugging me every time to defend you.

Every time. I like surprises. Yeah. How great was it, though? No, no. My favorite was we went to Mark Norman's bachelor party, and you pulled me aside privately, and Ari looked me in the eyes. He goes, I need you to know I never drug you again. And I went, I know that.

Because I need you to have a good time at Mark's. I just drink anything you want. But how great was that when we were all fucked up on Molly, the sun setting in your old place, the place comedy bought, and Diaz is telling us stories. Joey Diaz shows up. Let me tell you something. Celebrate Joey Diaz for the rest of my life. I love that guy I call him I'm having a legit panic attack I call him and I go Joey or he just Molly me and he goes The words out of his mouth dog. I'll be there five

Shows up takes the other half of whatever Molly has, he eats it, and he sits bathing in the sunlight of a setting sun in my backyard telling me, cocksucker, you ain't going to die. We're not dying tonight, okay? Let me tell you some stories. And he told us stories, and we sat there mesmerized, and it was like watching God speak because the sun's bathing around him. I'm high as fucking shit.

And I'm just looking at Ari going like, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. I'm a ride or die for that motherfucker. To that moment when he goes, dog, I'll be there at five. And he showed up. You know how Joey is with time. He showed up at five. And he had to walk through the house knowing what the house didn't know yet.

Yeah, he walked through it. Leanne goes, Joey, what are you doing? He goes, I can't talk to you, Mrs. K. I'll be back in 10. And then he came in and he goes, Leanne, everyone's a good guy out there. Don't fucking kill anybody. Sorry, Leanne. Oh, God, man.

She didn't know yet? No. No, she didn't. I had to pull her into the bathroom and I had to say, what I'm going to tell you is going to upset you, but I need you to take care of me and not you right now. And she goes, what is it? And I said, Ari slipped me Molly. She shuts down, and I watch her. Are you sober by then?

No. You're full blown gone. I am out of it. He's probably sober six hours later. Yeah. On the plane, I was blowing up. And I watch her fucking go go white and she

goes where is he and I go we had told Artie leave early when I leave before we tell Liam you weren't high enough to not get me out of there he's gone he's gone he's not here and she goes okay okay what do I need to do for you and I said I said I don't want to

be in front of the girls. I'm really fucked up. She goes, go to the comedy store. Your plane leaves at 11. Go to the comedy store right now. Hang out with some comics. Laugh. Have a good time.

You're going to be fine. You're not going to die. Get on the plane. No rules. Drink. Do whatever you got to do to get to yourself there. So I went to the store. The first person I saw was David Spade. Don't say a word. Okay. My inner whore showed up. You know this. no rules drink do whatever you gotta do to get to yourself there so i went to the store the first

person i saw was davis spade don't say a word okay my inner whore showed up you know this you know this you know this you know this i'm a big fan of davis spade i love davis spade and all and i know i'm not dying now and i'm like and i tell davis spade i go he's like he's like hey burn i go uh someone's like what what's going on? I was like, Ari just slipped me Molly, and the room shifts. They're like, what the fuck? And literally, Ari Shafir walks in. He goes, anyone want a cocktail?

And everyone's like, not from you. And it was one of the most surreal. It was the shittiest Sober October I've ever had, because my favorite part is us texting. But it was a surreal fucking experience that you don't get to have. Normal people don't get that. It is hard to defend you, because I

do love you. It's a crazy thing being a comic, because you go you know, when people get in trouble, like I remember Joe got in trouble, and I posted a thing, and then you're like, fuck, you know, when people get in trouble, like I remember Joe got in trouble and I posted a thing and then you're like, fuck, you realize people are going to shoot shit your way. But then you get weird people.

Like, I know I told you this. My dad, when you're going through some shit, my dad's like, buddy, I respect a man who stands by his friends. And I go, that's what you got to be. At the end of the day, you stand by your friends. That's the only thing that you respect out of a man. Does that sound weird? No, that's a big part of it.

Yeah. It's a big part of being a man. Not everyone loves you, man. A lot of people are out to fuck you. Well, a lot of people only think about themselves and they pretend to be caring about other people. It's a real problem. It's not good for you either. It's not good for that person.

I'm sorry. I won't do that again. I love you, Ari. I love you too, buddy. I want your special for that person. I'm sorry. I won't do that again. I love you, Ari. I love you too, buddy. I want your special to kill it. You're one of the funniest dudes I know. I'm in a weird emotional place right now. You're drinking. Sounds like you just drank what I gave you. You might be an alcoholic.

Let's watch my trailer. You got a trailer out for the special? No, for my movie. You want to see my teaser? The machine? That movie that we were not supposed to talk about? This is not your trailer. This is your teaser. My teaser. And I'm not technically allowed to show this.

So what's happening? Am I in trouble? No, you won't be in trouble. But if we air this... Hold on. Hold on a second. If we air this, am I giving up some intellectual property that is not legal for me to be disseminated to millions of people? No, you're fine. I'm a producer. You're on it.

I'm getting sued. I just heard that. I just saw lawyers in front of me going, these are your options. No, I got this teaser a while back. Why don't you do this on your fucking podcast? That was a good fucking. Oh, I thought maybe get the views. No, I got this teaser a couple weeks ago.

This is just you? This is just for you? Is this like password protected? It was sent on Vimeo. It is. No, this is not Vimeo? No, no. It wasn't password protected.

No. So this is just available online? Anybody could watch this? No. So what the fuck are we doing? You got to give explicit permission. So... I hear it. I this is just available online? Anybody could watch this? No. So what the fuck are we doing? You gotta give explicit permission. I think you do, right? Don't you? You probably do have to get permission.

No, I'm saying he has to say the words to give you plausible liability. I don't think he can at this point. I think I've backed us into a corner. I can. You're dealing with movies. It'd be nice if they had control over whether or not they're a fucking teaser. Here's the deal. They'd be nice if they had control over whether or not there are fucking teaser covers. Here's the deal.

Yeah. They would be for it. No. Maybe. I think so. I think they're going to be cool. I think they're going to be cool. I don't like that.

That's not the way to fucking get it out. You're not a lawyer. You're the last thing from a lawyer. Wait, you asked. I texted. I showed Jamie the text. I texted last night. I said, hypothetically, what happens? What the fuck does that mean? Hypothetically, what happens? Okay, this is how it started. Tom and I showed Jamie the text. I texted last night. I said, hypothetically, what happens?

What the fuck does that mean? Hypothetically, what happens? Okay, this is how it started. Tom and I are doing a movie. By the way, I'm not allowed to talk about that. Tom and I are doing a movie. That's what I heard. With Legendary.

I heard you're not allowed to talk about it, but you're doing a movie with Legendary. Yeah. And I said, and you were there, and I said, I'm going to buy us a billboard. Yes. And say, hey, Mary, thanks for the green light. Yeah. Fat astronauts. And everyone is a joke. It's Mary, thanks for the green light. Yeah. Fat astronauts. Yeah.

And everyone as a joke was like, that would be fucking hilarious. You should do that. As a joke, everyone's like, you should do that. So then they sent me this teaser. And the second I got it, I went, I was sober, right? And I'm like, the day I go on Rogan, I'm playing on Rogan. I don't give a fuck what anyone says. Because all I know is that when I talked about getting a billboard for me on Tom Allsun said, everyone giggled.

That's funny. So that energy is right. That's their energy. Right. The giggling energy. Right. You like the outlaw. You like not to be untethered to the responsibility.

Who, me? No, no, no. The average industry folk, they go, oh shit, he did it and it worked, right? So I go, I said- You've lost me. You're like Joe Biden right now in the middle of a stump speech. It's like it's where you find fun. Here's the real question that he wants to know.

Are we allowed to play, can he play this on his show? Yes or no? You brought it in. You're liable. How are we sure that this is okay to play? Is this the property of a studio? It is. What the fuck are you doing? You can't do that, man. No, I can. Get Jimmy Simeon on the phone.

I can. You can, but this is Jamie Preston and he works for me if it plays on here. Am I wrong? No, I think it's fine. I don't know for sure. I know that he asked the person in charge of this company. I sent a text. I sent a text.

What time is it in Egypt? He's done what he's supposed to do. He's doing what he's supposed to do? What time is it in Egypt? They're all in Jordan right now. They're doing like Dune 4. Oh, my God. I'm calling Egypt. I'm almost certain we'll be fine.

That is a foreign ring. Yeah, it's a foreign ring. Isn't it weird he'd get a different ring? I like that ring. Can I get that ring? I want that ring for every day when people call me. That would be cool. I feel it's a foreign ring. Yeah. Isn't it weird he'd get a different ring? Yeah. I like that ring. Can I get that ring? That's a nice ring. I want that ring for every day when people call me. That would be cool.

I feel important. Our ring's so digital. Our ring does suck. Yeah, our ring sucks. Come on, America. Step it up. Step up the ring. By the way, I take no answer as a yes.

Okay. You don't- Oh, don't. Yeah, well, we're good. We're good. We're good. We're good. We're good.

We're good. We're good. Hey, gentlemen, gentlemen, ignore all of it. This is my teaser for my movie. I'm very proud of it. I hope you enjoy it. If there's a huge problem, I'll hit you up. We'll take it out.

Shot in Slovenia. I think you're going to like it. If there's a huge problem. You're going to be fine. We'll know in a few hours. You'll pay for all the legal fees, right? I texted everyone. Pay for all the legal fees?

Yeah. I already checked. I'm not going to owe $30 million. All right. Okay. All right. Hold on. We're promoting a film. What's the deal with already checked. I'm not going to owe $30 million. All right. Okay, we're promoting a film. What's the deal with this film? It's not allowed to be released? And how come?

It's happening right now. But how come the movie's not coming out yet? Because Russia hasn't finished Ukraine off yet. That's exactly the lead-in I'm looking for. The marketing budget. All right. Folks, you didn't think I was going to keep this from you, did you?

For those listening, it's a trailer. It says, the following restricted preview has been approved for appropriate audiences. This is an appropriate audience. My father was no criminal.

He was a salesman. Then you stole the only thing he ever cared about. Sorry. You made him say, fuck honest living. If you want respect, you have to take it. And from there, you built our family.

Oh, my God. I'm your origin story I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's fine. It's fine. Did you just put that thing in your pocket? I don't even know where to put it. That's a great fucking trailer. That's so funny. Holy shit, that's a great trailer. That looks so badass and then ridiculous. You know what I think? I don't think people are going to have a problem with that.

This is why. There's a lot of Russian fighters that come over to the UFC and fight. That was funny, dude. They have zero problem. Thank you, Ari. That's really funny. A lot of Russian fighters that come over to the UFC and fight. That's funny, dude. They have zero problem. Thank you, Ari. That's really funny. A lot of Russian fighters come over here. People, in the beginning, they're like, boom.

And they realize, ah, he's fucking pretty good. Yeah. I want to watch this guy fight. And people cheer when they do well. It's over. Nobody gives a shit about Ukraine-Russia anymore. We've moved on. They do, but that's not the point.

The point is that we recognize in America that individual Russian citizens are not the problem. And when they come over here, even though we're booing the concept of what Russia's doing, we're not booing them. It's safe for them. Whereas Brittany Griner's in a fucking jail cell in Russia right now because they used her as an example. Sure. For sure, right? Yeah, 100%.

100%. I say, look, my whole thing is moving forward. Moving forward. Play that fucking movie. Why don't they release that movie? It looks amazing. They're about to, right? I want to see it.

It's really good, man. I'm really proud of it. When I got that trailer, that teaser. That is such a funny movie. That's a great one. Why'd you put it in your pocket? You're like, I don't know where to put it. That's really funny.

You know me enough to know that that's the best part of this fucking movie is that it's just fun. That's the best part of this fucking movie is that it's just fun. I remember I was listening to you the day before filming, and you said, and you can find out who it was based on when we started filming, and you said, no one goes hard as fuck on comedies anymore. No one's making real comedies. And I sat up in bed in Serbia, and I went, I'm going hard as fuck. And I rewrote the fucking opening scene to this movie. I rewrote, I like, I went through and I rewrote some stuff, ran it by Peter Atencio.

He was like, we'll shoot it. Let's fucking shoot it. Let's cover it. And scenes like that were just me going like, just our sensibility of why we laugh. Why not put it in a fucking movie? Why not make a movie with that shit? It can be done. There's the same reason why there's an audience for our kind of comedy.

The same reason why Shane Gillis is killing it right now. People want the same thing they've always wanted. People want it. They want wild shit. And they get almost none of it now. They don't want to pretend that this has to represent your feelings on the way things should be in the real world, whether or not the world is equitable, whether or not people have gotten a badge. Of course! That's not what this is.

This is a fucking comedy. It's just supposed to be funny. Can we have a comedian screening in New York? Yeah. Oh, listen. I texted all that whole group today because I was like, I'm leaking on Joe's podcast. I don't care. It's just my

energy. It feels right. Yeah. It feels right. I like the teaser. My friends are going to like the teaser. The fans are going to like the teaser. It's fucking hilarious. Let's release the fucking movie.

And everyone's energy was positive. Even the people that were on the fence that were like, with just hands up like, I'm good. I'm good. You won't get sued for $30 million. Is it advantageous for you to release it as a streamer or in theaters i personally i'm old school theaters i want to go to theaters i'm old school i want to go to theaters it's a it's a better joyous experience to be in a theater comedy people especially yeah comedies laughing with people we watched it in the theaters for

the screeners and when you see people the whole place fall out of their seats especially that scene that scene people That scene. People are crying. I remember still. It's been a while. But I remember going to opening night of the first Borat. And it was packed. And that experience was so fun. It was so fun.

People were dying in that theater. Borat was so good. God damn, man. God damn, that was good. But it was about being in a packed theater. An opening week of a packed theater. Yeah. A week of a comedy is the best. And here's where movies, I'm not, look, I won't shit on anyone who made any movie. Once you make a movie, you realize how hard it is.

But the thing people sometimes forget is that comedy is about not expecting the thing you're about to see. Yeah. Surprise. And it's about surprise and having people take chances. When we shot that first day of shooting, we shot and look, once again, I apologize to everyone, but like

Mary Josh, who were back in LA, wrote back, you couldn't go harder. Like, go harder. And that energy to make a comedy these days is where you have to be. You've got to say shit. You've got to go as hard as you want to go to make a comedy these days is where you have to be. You've got to say shit. You've got to go as hard as you want to go to make a comedy. Think about all the ones we love.

Tropic Thunder. That's all we do. What went harder than Tropic Thunder? Thank you, Joe. That's the movie. Billy Madison. That's the movie. Happy Gilmore.

I can't wait to see Fat Astronauts, Joe. But Tropic Thunder is so over the top. Do you like Tropic Thunder? Loved it. It's our fucking writer. Good. Perfect. Shout out to E-Time. E-Time, what's up? No, it's

true. And like all the ones that like the you know, the Farrelly's, like something about Mary. We were in Serbia, right? We're in Serbia. And I know that there's a lot of people that will be upset over Legendary when I share all this. But like, we're in Serbia. We're trying to close a deal to do Fat Astronauts, right? And we're talking.

We're going back and forth. And then Kale, my guy, you met him. You met him at the Four Seasons. We had cigars together. Kale's the guy from Legendary. Kale comes over and he goes, hey, enough of the back and forth. I say we just, duh. You like Tropic Thunder?

I go, one of my favorite movies ever in my entire life. He goes, we can get Etan Cohen. You cool? And I went, yeah. And he goes, close the deal with Tommy. Let's close the deal. Let's get Etan. Let's just do this fucking movie hard.

And I was like, done. Done. And we've been working with Etan now on this movie, Fat Astronauts, for a while now. But it's like the whole thing. And I would never give away any plots we're working on But the thing is is like go fucking hard. It's the shit that makes us laugh. There's not a lot of people that do it That's why it stands out, you know, they did it forever

And then they just backed off the studios got scared. They got scared of making big comedies Well, they got scared of the but the social media aspect the the thing that social media's done is it's given everybody a voice. But the problem with that is like... They're weighing on shit they don't care about. But the problem is it could be a small number of people that most people disagree with, but they get enough momentum.

Yeah. And people decide that if you don't support the things that they support, you're a piece of shit. Yeah. It's crazy. And you're worried about that reprisal. It gets dangerous.

In the old days, we all dealt with this. There was like, oh, you're dirty? What do you have to be dirty? Oh, yeah. And so then it was like, it was about taste. And then they became, well, if you don't do what we do, you're morally bereft. Instead of just like, you're not the style we like. So many notes that was given about that.

Really? Oh, my God. People would go, you know, you'd do a lot better if you weren't so dirty up there. Dude, that was my whole fucking the beginning of my career. Yeah. My manager wanted me to be clean.

Same thing, man. I had managers tell me, club owners. Yeah, club owners. Ever heard a story of how my manager changed his opinion? No.

Hilarious. So I did mostly like shitty dives in Boston. It was hard for me to get booked in the city because I was dirty. But they would give me, yes, but they would give me like open mic sets dives in Boston. It was hard for me to get booked in the city because I was dirty. Yeah, in Boston. Yes, but they would give me

open mic sets, they'd give me guest spots, they were trying to groom me. It was a very good system. It was a system that was fucked up because it was acting on a faulty premise and that premise was you had to be clean in order to have a real career. Because you had to get a tonight show. Yeah, because you had to do the tonight show

and you wanted to get a sitcom. It wasn't artistically the right way to operate, but they were operating on, honestly, a sound business model. This is what works. Yes, because if you could be that guy who became Jerry Seinfeld or Roseanne Barr, if you can get your sitcom, you are the fucking king of the world. That's what everybody wanted. They had this system that was set up, like you just had to be clean in order to get up in clubs i got lucky when i went to do a guest guest spot i was driving limos

and i called up bill who was the the guy who was the owner of the club and i said hey could i get i think we called him or i might have called the guy was the manager but i said can i get 10 minutes i have a new bit i just wrote today and I want to see if it works like it's real I'm really excited about he goes yeah for sure so he gives me a spot and I had no idea anybody was there and my manager was there we want to be my manager okay he was in the back of the room I had no idea so you weren't working with him yet not yet okay kill kill like so loose so relaxed have a great set I'm only three years in the comedy I'm terrible so loose, so relaxed. Have a great set. I'm only three years into comedy.

I'm terrible. But every now and then I have, like, a good set. Sure. So I had this great set. And then he takes me to New York. I do Catch a Rising Star. I do all these different places that he wants to see me at. And then he takes me to Fast Eddie's.

It was a bar in Huntington, Long Island. It was a fucking dive. There's a dude on stage. His name's Eddie Gallo. And he was doing a reverse shit with a banana. So he takes a banana and, like, sucks banana and sucks it into his mouth the opposite way. So the point comes out at the – he starts it with the point. It's terrible.

But it's hilarious. Sounds great. It's bar comedy. Yeah, yeah. So my manager says, listen, I'm going to get you out of this. You don't have to do this. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I go, these are my people.

I go, just sit down. I go, let me do a set, no, no, no, no, no. I go, these are my people. I go, just sit down. I go, let me just, let me do a set here. Let me do a set here. And I go, I'm just blowjob jokes and doggy style and people sucking your dick while they're looking you in the eye, like the windows to the soul. Like it's like crazy, like wild bar sex comedy. And then he goes, okay, forget everything I said. No more clean.

He goes, you got to go off. Just go for it. It's going to be a harder road. Just be you. But just got to be you. Yeah. That, what I saw right there, that's you loose and free. And I crushed in this terrible bar.

But it was like, for me, it was like, this is what I've been doing. Thank God he didn't have too much of an ego to not say that. Because there's a ton of guys who have been like, listen, man, I know that works, but you got to stop doing it. You got to stop. There were a lot of people that did say that, though. Of course. There's a ton of guys who have been like, listen, man, I know that works, but you got to stop doing it. You got to stop. There were a lot of people that did say that, though. Of course. There was a lot of people that said that. Back in those days, they were

right, though. If you looked at it from a utilitarian point of view, they didn't know the internet was going to be a thing. They didn't know that you could actually make a career completely detached just doing stand-up. You got a big pre-internet, though. You know what's funny? If killing you can't deny it. Anybody can call themselves a manager and i was working in post-production

i was the lead logger on a post you know post-reality show so they send you the raw footage you gotta type so i'm in charge of the department and one of the loggers so but is a comedy manager and this is i mean that's how you know crazy it is. One day she comes up to me and she was like, hey, I watched your set and I just wanted to say, you know, you're funny, but you're just too dirty and you're really not going to get work if you don't

clean it up. I go, I really appreciate you giving me your insight on that. Why don't you go log some tapes now? Anyone can be a manager. You're right. Anybody can. I have a client. Anyone can get anywhere in this business.

I've had those managers that are just like, I'm a manager. You didn't know until later. You're like, I guess they know everything about the business. There's real ones out there but they're hard to find and it's like the same thing I say about club owners. I always tell people, you've got to be nice to these folks because you don't want to do that job. It's not a job for you. it's like the same thing I say about club owners like I always tell people you gotta be nice to these folks

because you don't want to do that job it's not a job for you it's like a job for them like you shouldn't be adversarial because in the beginning it is because like

why won't he fucking book me and you don't fucking and then but eventually they do then hopefully you work it out right that's the same thing with managers

you know like some some managers are really good there's a handful that are really good they're really some managers are fucking they're just jumping in i think most i think most most are the latter i think most are not that some people are really good at being a club owner they're just like i don't know this is really who can make shit happen and that's why it's not a lot my agent a lot of my agent did this he would the yuck yucks in canada wouldn't have me on because

i was dirty right and so uh ed brooke was like hey we can in Canada wouldn't have me on because I was dirty. Right. And so Ed Brook was like, hey, we can't. They won't book you. And he goes, nah, I'm not going to accept that. How about we bill you as the dirtiest comic that's ever been in Canada? And I'm like, I'm not that dirty. He goes, who gives a shit? We'll just get you in. Right.

And then you'll draw and they'll be fine. Yeah, that's the guy's thinking. As long as it's funny. And that's what it is. It got me in. He broke down the doors and it's like they'll be fine. Yeah, that's what this guy's thinking. As long as it's funny. And that's what it is. It got me in. He broke down the doors and it's like, it's fine. When you look at the Dirty Show, I don't know, is Montreal? The Nasty Show.

They do the Nasty Show and it's just comics. Yeah. You know when I got that show? It's their big show. I was opening for Joe Rogan, popular podcast host. Wait, hold on. Is this one that was recorded? I remember watching that with Isla in bed

where you pulled your dick out no that was a Norton show that was a Norton show similar story yeah so we're doing a club soda just a

we're doing a a winter show I haven't heard that in a while and Joe's on stage and some lady's too drunk she's like whatever and Joe's like

whatever he's like just making fun of her and he was like she's like you want me to show my like, whatever. He's like, you're fucking, just making fun of her. And he was like, she's like, you want me to show my tits? He goes, will you? And she goes, I don't know. He goes, if you show your tits, Ariel will take his dick out. And I'm in the back in the green room just smoking with the skunk guys.

I had brought in Skunk Magazine. And I heard him say that. I was like, I got to go. And I'm needed. My talents are needed. And I went out there, and I was like, what's going on? And you're like, this lady will take her tits out. And my dick was already out.

And then it was just like, I got a call the next week from Montreal. I was like, we'd like you to do the Nasty Show next year. You nailed your audition. Yeah, I didn't have to audition. Pulling the cock out was a key moment in your career. You were so comfortable with that always. Dick out. Is it in Jew? Does Jew You were so comfortable with that always. Dick out. Is it in Jew?

Does Jew have a dick appearance? Jew has no dick appearance. Damn. It would have been cool to have one with the latest jackass where it has a yarmulke on it. You don't realize it's a dick until too late. We used to put, late night at the store, we used to put my glasses, my thick glasses, I put them on my balls so it looked like my June oh sticking out we talk on the mic with the balls what percentage of America do you think has our sense of

humor 80 no no no I think 10 and that's what you guys get him drunk we got a drunk it does change 20% of people you're never gonna get most people don't That's what's getting you guys fucking massive theaters. Get them drunk, we got 80%. Drunk is those change. Drunk is changes. 20% of people you're never going to get. Most people don't understand real comedy. Well, they don't understand fun. It's such a massive number of the 5% or 10%. It's not that they don't understand it.

Some people's humor, though, really is completely different. I mean, you ever hang out with a person who's like, you like them, they're nice, and you see what they laugh at, and you're like, holy shit. Like, what? Yeah. This is like we speak,

it literally is like we speak different languages. Like, what amuses them is so far from what amuses you. And then also, what amuses us too, what amuses us around comedians, you ever like talk to a bunch of comics for like a weekend or something, and then you go to your normcore people? It's the worst.

And you bring a comic joke. It makes you go like, I don't want to hang out with anybody You bring comedy Just came out from Norman's bachelor party or something. Yeah. Oh my god or this one comic and like two other people Yeah, and you're saying inappropriate shit never is like oh Like that thought that's what we're doing. Do's what we were doing we're all together drinking do you remember the thing that made me laugh so hard

and I won't get too into details that would probably upset people but yurking off and I could not stop laughing what is that you son of a bitch I'm not going to remember this we do a ski festival

and I could not stop laughing and this. We do a ski festival. And I could not stop laughing. And I tried to show it to regular people. And they don't get it. And because of the energy of the thing, they couldn't disconnect from the energy. And we were crying. Burn had just bought. Burn had just bought. We do these ski festivals.

These mini festivals we do. Just six, seven, eight comics. Skiing. We do a couple shows to pay for it, and then we just go skiing. And we're all hanging out in a cabin, and we're watching the angry response. Oh, fuck. We're telling it. To Louis C.K.'s Parkland joke.

Parkland joke. Parkland joke from the parents. It goes, oh, you're not there. He goes, he does. The guy, the dad. It's all oh, you're not there. He goes, he does, the dad. It's all comics. It's all comics. And by the way,

I'm a regular person also, so I can empathize with everything the father feels, but he was trying to slam Louis and in the process of it, the way of him saying that he was,

you know, he was jerking off, it was so comedic that he did not intend it. And I saw it and I couldn't stop laughing. And they're like, what are you laughing at? I go, you guys have to see it. And I want to see if you laugh as hard as I laugh. And it's just kind of those. You have a video? The guy who posted it.

Oh, we can watch it right now? Yeah. We can watch it right now. Should we not watch it? I would not. I would not. He doesn't have a censor. But the guy's clearly like a Cuban or a Puerto Rican guy, and he's like, and he always is like, and this one comedian who was yerking off. And the way he says it is so funny that it was not his intent. Of course. But it made us laugh so hard.

And we're trying to listen to his message. Oh, my God. His message is like, but it was, it was what for, for a, a fan of comedy. It was the perfect amount of seriousness. The whole week. Everyone's like, what are you doing? It's like, you're a king.

I'll just die. He did not mean to be funny. And that's when things are the funniest for a comic. We were crying laughing. It's like, it's me, Norman, Sean Patton, Renizzisi, O'Neal, you. It's got to be somebody else too in there. And it was just like, and we're just dying. The way he said it, we were crying laughing.

And we're like, and we're not laughing at what he's trying to say. We're laughing at the fact that he's trying to be serious. Of course. Getting off. Oh my God, that's funny. And the comments are like, so brave. And we're sitting there going, are we the only ones laughing at this? off. Oh my god, that's funny. And the comments are like, so brave. We're sitting there going, are we the only ones laughing at this?

I gotta say, in your mom's house, in the Garth Brooks comments, sometimes the comments are like, to me, like a little comedy break from life. They are. I like to go, when Garth Brooks posts something, and then I go and see your mom's house fans have bombarded

the comments, like, where are the bodies? They follow them everywhere now. Facebook, everything. They're making jokes inside, like, jeans high and tight. Confess for the murder of my aunt G. Oh my god, confess for the murder of my aunt G. Your DNA

was at the crime scene. He's flying jet poo. Because he shit on a plane. He shit on a plane, yeah. He shit on a plane? Dude, that was my last episode of your mom's house. What do you mean?

Somebody who works at the FBO in Nashville sent an image from, they're like, we clean jets. We clean Garth's jet and somebody shit all over the carpet.

Sprayed. Sprayed the floor and they're like, this is Garth's jet and then the next week they're like, is Garth's shit and then they the next week they were like I got fired

for telling you no they sent they sent they sent the image and they sent the video and then so we read it we played it

shut the fuck up and then they seems like a violation of some NDA yeah yeah yeah I think he got in trouble please don't do that to my chat

they were saying that they said that they're not really good about paying they don't like to pay a lot of the bills for like the maintenance. And then he was like, no, he does pay.

He does pay. Dude, the best is Nadav and I don't know who else it was. Yeah. They got into a, can I? What? They got into a Garth Brooks concert. Oh, concert. That was amazing.

And they got on the big screen. The Jumbotron at Houston, Texas. Them holding a sign. Says, where are the bodies? Where are the bodies, G? And then it's on the thing and then it just cuts away from it. He dropped the sign. He had two signs. Would you be willing to drop this if Garth Brooks

would come on the podcast? 100%. No, hold on. That'll never happen. Why would that never happen? Garth! Garth, that should happen. Oh, here it is. Adab, you're a genius. Garth, you should make this happen for everybody to see. We love you, Garth, that should happen. Oh, here it is. Adab, you're a genius. Garth, you should make this happen for everybody to see. Because he's not gaining fans. We love you, Garth.

Where are the bodies, G? Look how quickly they pulled that camera away. They didn't just switch cameras. They backed out of it. Yeah, they did. See how they backed out? Like, shoop. Wait, what is that?

Oh, shit. But wait, there's no benefit. Submarine underwater. There's no benefit for Garth to go on the podcast. Incorrect. Incorrect. First of all, they're very nice people. Both Tom and Christina are very nice people.

I'm going to be devil's advocate. I'm going to be devil's advocate. Shut the fuck up for a second. And they'd be happy to have Garth on and be nice to him and explain, we're sorry if this hurt your feelings. This was all just fun. Yes. We're just fun people.

How fun would it be if Garth was like, listen, man, I can't have that shit come up. We're two years away from a statute of limitations. What do you mean no? Why no? 100% no. Why? If you're Garth's manager. I'll tell you as Garth, how many months do you think it happened to Garth where

it was a problem? Where he was like, the fuck is this? Never. All the months. Right, right, right, right. We got caught.

So we got caught. At first we would go like, do you think Garth knows? And we'd talk about that. And then I happened to meet somebody who actually is closely connected to him and the, and happens to be a fan of mine. And I met this person and I go, so what's going on?

Like, does he know? And he goes, oh, yeah, he knows. Of course he knows. And then I go, so what's the deal? And they go, well, he goes, I asked his right-hand person, does Garth hate Tom? And the guy goes, Garth doesn't hate anybody, which is such a Garth answer.

Garth doesn't hate anybody. Because you were just Garth answer. Garth doesn't hate anybody. Because you were just like, no. Right, but what did he say? Just that they're just accept that it's – they have a spin on it, that they're like, you know, when you're big, when you're really well-known, you have a big profile, you can't control what happens online and all this stuff. But it's all the comments. It's not like –

It's every post. It's every post. and all this stuff, but it's all the comments. It's not like 10. It's every post. It's every post. But if he went on your podcast, I think it would turn around. For Tom. For Tom.

For Tom. No, no, no. No, for Garth. No, he's right. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. I'm going to be- Why can't you let him talk for a second?

No, it's his turn. It's Bert's turn. Are you sure? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. You shut him up now. He shuts him up, and then you'll shut me up. Nothing benefits Garth in this. He talked over him while he you'll shut me up. Nothing benefits Garth in this.

There's nothing that benefits Garth. I'm just being real. It's bigger for Tom than it is for Garth. Garth doesn't get a fan. Here's why I disagree. Here's why I disagree. So we have profiled people that we've made fun of before. And there's a handful of them that leaned into it.

Yeah. Like a dude's dating video that we profile and we make fun of. And then he's like, hey, I'm the guy. And everybody who's making fun of them goes, oh, like you're owning that you made this terrible dating video. And then it becomes like basically they become all fans of this guy.

And I think if he were to show the sense of humor What did I ever do to y'all? I think it would actually, people would flip out. Objection. I'm just being, you know, I'm your best friend. I'm not disagreeing. Just talk. You're talking about a guy's dating video

versus Garth Brooks who's selling out stadiums. He already has the fans. I know he does. But it's like Wayne Brady leaning into like, I'm a gangster. versus Garth Brooks who's selling out stadiums. He already has the fans. I know he does. But it's like Wayne Brady leaning into like, I'm a gangster. Nope, it's not.

It's not. No, it's different than that. You're talking about a guy who in all respects is kind of trolling a star. It's like if I, you know, I'm just being honest about it.

I know it's funny, but I think what know I'm just being honest about it it's because there are people listening to this I think what actually happens this is my just opinion I think what actually I thought about this before

look I've thought about this a ton I think it would make Garth Brooks more money to be on my podcast no no no I'm being serious

son of a bitch but like Garth's already got the fans and his fans aren't your mom's house fans. The comments change. I think what happens is he starts getting a bunch of, instead of these things that make

no sense, they all start going like, love, love, love. If he doesn't like the comments, the comments go away because of this. I do. I think so. But as a person who's been a victim of Tom's comments- Because you fuck dogs. Or the worst one. The worst one was when my special came out Secret time and we were and Tom was calling me the biggest American racist in the world

And and I was watching it happen in the comments, and it was like it was like I wish I could watch this but he's a racist and then to watch the confusion that happens That's the problem is the confusion that happens is what makes you feel powerless is when someone's trolling you. But that's happening now. But the confusion is where Garth's fans are... Garth fans

are not the smartest dudes in the world. Don't say that. Because a lot of nice people and smart people are Garth's fans. But if they're in the comments and they see all this craziness that they don't understand at all. And it's all where the body's cheap. They don't understand it because he ain't killed nobody. But if he does kill a man, this is how my comments work.

He did it good. Then he killed a man because they deserved it. And it's okay to kill a black. That's the way these comments are coming out. Where the fuck? Because I watched. The best that could happen to me. They might not even be comments are coming out. Where the fuck? Wow. Because I watched. I watched it happen to me.

They might not even be real comments. They may be Russian troll farms that are commenting. The best was actually at that concert that Zolo went to and held up that sign.

They interviewed people outside the concert and they were like, what do you think of these accusations? And you had so, and now it was on like one of the live shows,

but it had all these people go like some people were like, what are you talking about? What is that? And then some of them were like well, I'm a fan of the music. If he kills somebody, they just roll with it. Did you hear he killed someone? Oh man, I don't know. Why are you bothering me with that?

There's not one person in Garth's team that is of sound mind that would go like, you should definitely go on your mom's house. Disagree. If he doesn't like the comments, they go away with that. Listen, Garth, I'm a fan. I would have never done what Tom's done. But I need you to know that it's going to be okay.

And if you go on your mom's house, we'll clear everything up. Do believe so. Yes. I'll follow up. Yes. No one's lower than Tom Segura. And if you have friends in low places. I remember I was in a fucking bar in Ohio.

I did a college in Ohio. And these kids from the college, you know, I was like 23 or 24 or something like that. And these kids from the college were like 20. They took me out to some place. And we all went to this like honky tonk type bar. And that song came on. And I had a drink. And I was like, this is the greatest song

in the world it's a great catchy song and people were singing along dude people were singing along we were all drinking whiskey no doubt he rules

I'll tell you where he I'll tell you can I just being real you're a murder the where it the where it makes sense

is and I hate to say this you have Garth on your podcast and Tom is there. I mean, serious. It makes no sense to be on your mom's house. It's a bunch of people that have been trolling him. But there are people that are Garth fans on this podcast that would be like, that would be fun.

Because I do love Garth and I do love Tom. Can I add an addendum to that? Yeah. There's four chairs in here. You know, another thing that I love. Christina should be in one, too. Yes, Christina should be in one too. Yes, Christina should be here too. You know,

the other thing I love about Garth Brooks is that like, Garth Brooks didn't put his shit on Apple Music. Wow. Garth Brooks is like, nah,

it belongs all together. Like these fucking CDs go together. Like these albums go together. Like this thing, I'm not going to split it up. He always worked out a deal. He's Amazon Music.

He does it his own self. He had his own Amazon deal. Yeah. So when everybody was on, like when Apple Music just exploded and iTunes and stuff. Really? He had to go to Amazon. He made a deal with Amazon Music. So that's really what lifted up that whole platform was Amazon Music.

Then he would do discographies and be like, no, you can only get it at Walmart. Because they keep their prices low and that's where my fans want to go. That's pretty fucking cool. Wow, that is cool. He did those deals. Look, he's an autonomous man. Yeah. He's in control of his own destiny.

That guy is like selling out gigantic football stadiums. Totally. And when you compare that to a couple murders, what does it really matter? They're just teasing, and they really shouldn't at this point. It's like picking on a scab. The number. Garth, if number come on the podcast I'm a fan Tom is actually a fan. I am a fan

Not a fan of Garth Brooks. He's gone What it was like is somewhere over 400,000 tickets what in Ireland I'm not shocked the fucking guy is obviously a hundred thousand brilliant manager manager of his own life as well as, you know, all-time great country musician. The guy's been around for 30 years. Country music comes out of Irish music. It does. Does it? Scottish and Irish music, yeah.

Really? What is this? This picture's him. Oh, my God. Jesus. Look at all those people. Holy shit. Oh, I know what Tom and I are doing when we're in Ireland.

Holy shit. I'm in Ireland in January. Tom's there in April. Oh my God. Guys, please, I haven't seen my family in weeks. Wait, let me see the

replies. I haven't seen my family in weeks. How many replies? Nine. Let me just... You just lost your life.

I'm a fan of Tom, but you're unbearable. Garth, listen, man. I know this has been rough, and it's really uncalled for, and let's fix it. Let's all fix it together. Because I know what you're saying is it's lateral damage, meaning it's not meant to hurt his feelings. No. It's all in good fun.

There's another point that should be made. This is the kind of thing that you plant the seed for. It's not like I'm every day directing. Once you give people a thing to do, that went on their own. That's the problem. What are Skittles or Bands of Ireland? What is that about? Skittles or Bands of Ireland?

What do you mean? That's the problem with you. Once you plant the seed, then you walk away like a farmer and then watch a rainforest show up. What are Skittles? We don't have to read them all. We're good. What are Sk are skittles is that a thing i identify with garth in this whole fucking clearly clearly what's going on but you don't know what it's like i mean maybe you do but like to know that it's a joke yeah to see in your comments and go and tell your team please don't fuck with it let Let it happen.

It's okay. It's a joke. And then watch people get confused. Right. And then watch like a good-hearted human being that goes, hey, man, I think you're really funny. And they're like, yeah, but it's not cool what he does to dogs. And they're like, wait, I'm a big animal activist. What happens? And then this person goes, well, then fuck for Christ's sake.

He fucks dogs. I'm out. And then you go, I guess I didn't want you because you're that stupid but at the same time you like I remember I remember it distinctly happening on It's trying to put out fires all around the world. You gotta leave dogs That was the better that was a trip we saw a faded we swapped out You saw dogs for racism. Yeah, we swapped out racism for For sure, Pink Trip's going to make a video with you saying you fucked dogs. You got it, Pink Trip.

He makes these great edits. You don't know who Pink Trip is? He makes these incredible edits of conversations where he takes things completely out of context, makes it look like you and Tom are in love with each other and you're having a lover spat. It's great. Dude, I cannot believe it. That's so fucked up. The guy that makes it look like Shane Gillis hates you.

Oh, yeah. There's a bunch of them. Can you please make an edit of Kanye West promoting my special? Yeah. He's been on this podcast. That's a really good one to do, and I can't believe you fuck dogs. Yeah, what? Is it just male dogs or female dogs or both?

Hold on. I've never fucked a dog. Garth Brooks over here. By the way, I'm just giving this guy great content. I need another one of these. Come on, guys. guys we're feeling the buzz let's make it happen what are we doing here so let me uh let me start asking questions about what the experience like was like to you guys first of all let me just say that i look forward to this so much i really do well we've been doing these sober octobers over the past you know x amount of you want ice about x amount of years there's some of my favorite times we took a few years off too right didn't

we yeah we took a year off well there was a lot of pandemic movements and shit and nonsense but we're back and we came back strong this one and we came back in this one where you know we had a thing that we had to do again which i think is the best thing it's like yeah we have a thing that we have to suffer through together but we don't compete against each other I was it gets and not competing because I was like you gotta have a like a goal or a winner but I was wrong a challenge is good challenge is great it was great for our yoga thing it was great for this thing you don't need a winner it's just hard to do the problem with winners and losers

is I'm crazy yep you're crazy and Bert's an asshole but I just don't I don't like that part I don't want to open up that fucking box

in my brain it's not what part of you doesn't get my sense of humor in those jokes it's not that I don't get it I don't care you don't understand

you think I don't get it oh I know what you're doing like not with me motherfucker i'm drowning you shut up shut up i know who do you think could do the most push-ups right now oh definitely me you want me to start sure whatever you do i'll do double don't say that how many can you do in a row easy 40, 40. You don't think I could do 80? Prove it. Prove it.

Prove it. Wait, how long do I have to wait in between sets? No, no, sets. In a row. In a row. Hold it right here. In a row. How long can I hold it right here, though? How long can I wait?

Catch my breath. Go down again. Keep going. What's the most anyone's ever done in a row? I used to be able to do 100. I can 100% do 40 easy. Easy. Easy.

Not easy. I can do 40. So I'm like, if I do 40 and I pace myself, how much time are you allowed to hang out down there? Nope. Can't stop. You've got to keep it going. I'll tell you what.

I think you can do- Because I've seen people pause at the top. You can pause at the top, but it's got to be a couple seconds. You can pause at the top for like one second. Let's start it high to low. Ari, then me, then Tom, then Joe.

What's the most anyone's ever done? Wait, Tom could do more than you? I don't know. I don't know if that's real. What's the most someone's ever done?

I don't know. 10,500. Shut up. Shut up. Not a boy. Are they marking mark pushups? It's being questioned

whether it's even possible but that's what the real record is. If we do marking mark pushups, I can fuck shit up. You're marking mark pushups but you're just getting your head down. If we do Marky Mark push-ups, I can fuck shit up. Your Marky Mark push-ups would just get your head down.

Yeah, that's Marky Mark push-ups. You're going to make me tear a peck. I'll tear a peck. Tear a peck. Tear a peck. I'm going to go crazy, and I'm not going to want to lose to you ever in anything like this.

The problem is, here's the way it works with competition. Yeah. It's entirely mental. Oh, you think? Yeah. It's entirely mental. How many is this guy doing? Those are real push-ups. He did 50 in 30 seconds. He did It's entirely mental. Oh, you think? Yeah. How many is this guy doing?

Those are real push-ups. He did 50 in 30 seconds. He did 50 in 30 seconds. That's pretty fucking good. Good body on that guy. He's jacked. Good body, good beard. Nice tits. Nice hat.

Yeah. Solid shoes. I did 40 the other day in a row. He is moving, dude. Yeah, those are fast. He's going fast. Well, that's how I do them explosive. You know I'm supposed to touch your chest to the ground?

You can, you can't. I do whatever. I always click. I want to hear a click from the chest strap. That's a better push-up. That's how I do a push-up. The chest strap gets down there. Yeah, when the chest strap clicks, I go up.

Either chest strap or the tip of my nose. I think you could probably do a few more than 40. I probably could do 50. I could definitely do more than that. Can I just say, because it turns into 100 in a row. I don't know what I could do, but I would 100. I probably could do 50. I could definitely do more than that. Can I just say, this is a test of like- No, you couldn't do 100 in a row. I don't know what I could do, but I would 100% be able to do 50 easy. Yeah, I know you could.

But that's a big back off from I can double you. No, I definitely can't double him. I should have said that. When I said that, I was like, ooh, that could be a problem. Oh, Joey Backtracks. Joey Backtracks is taking it back right now because if he can do 50, I don't think I can do 100 in a row. He can't do 50. That fat piece of large?

He might be able to pull out 50 and completely herniate a disc. I don't think you can do 40. I just did 40 online the other day. You said you did,

but there's no proof of it. Yeah, I videotaped it. You could probably do 28 and Joe can do 56. Well, we were waiting to see Roger Waters. I saw Ari do 10 girl pushups. That's good.

From his knees. Dude, I started at four. The way my max out. Joe's like, I get it. Just do 10 girl push-ups. That's good. From his knees. Dude, I started at four. The way? With my max out. Joe's like, I get it. Just do 10 at a time. What can you do right now? My record?

Let's blow it out right now. I can do 10. Nope. You got to see as many as you can do. 10? I could do 10. I could probably get up to 12. I got up to 14.

From four to 14. Okay, that's a good improvement. In a row. That's really good. That's a big improvement. Triple. Oh, four to 14. Yeah. Okay. that's a good improvement. In a row. That's really good. That's a big improvement. Triple. Wait, oh, four to 14. Yeah.

Okay. I'm not listening. So wait, when you guys did your push-ups, because I would do them because I was afraid about tearing a pack, no joke, I would do 10 sets of 10. Yeah, I was doing five sets of 20. You have to be careful. But the other thing is you can do more work if you give yourself more rest Yes, that's that whole Pavel Tatsu lean method of strength

He says strength is a skill and if you do strength stuff like to the point where you're shaking And you're not gonna do it the same way you would do it if you're building back up that way though No, that's not what he thinks. I mean and this is very controversial and a lot of people disagree But you one one thing that I think is valid about it is that you don't get hurt as much. Because, like, instead of doing one set of 10, I'll do two sets of five. And instead of doing, you know, 30 reps over three sets, I'm doing 30 reps over six sets. But I'm doing the same amount of work. I'm just taking big breaks in between the work.

And they're probably better work. Better form. And then you're not, you don't get as sore either. There's this homeless guy in New York and every time he passes a scaffolding, he'll just do ten pull-ups. And he is ripped. Pull-ups would have been,

in hindsight, pull-ups would have been the shit. To be able to do a hundred pull-ups a day would have been fucking insane. Yeah, but here's the thing about that. pull-ups would have been the shit. To be able to do 100 pull-ups a day would have been fucking insane. Yeah, but here's the thing about that. Pull-ups, especially if you're as big as you are, can uniquely damage your joints. That's true. At 380, it gets that big? Oh, yeah.

At 900 pounds, when you're doing 100 in a day, and you're having the Ds. So wait, hold on, hold on. This is a good point. This is a good point. This is a good point. Do you think good point. This is a good point. Do you think that my push-ups are harder than your push-ups? Oh, good point. Yeah, that's a good point.

Can you do a pull-up? No, they are harder. His are harder. Your body weight squats are harder. Your chin-ups are harder. His stomach touches the ground. So then here's the real question. Do the math, Jamie, if you can.

Yeah, I should do more work than you. I should have to do more. If we did push-ups per person, meaning 40 push-ups for me is like 80 for you. I don't think it is like 80, but it's definitely like 50. How many weight do I show? I weigh like 205 right now. Same as Tom. Yeah. And you're a foot shorter?

We look the same. I'm eight inches and a half. Tom wears lifts. If you fucking factored in fat, the biggest problem. The other thing is like cardio is harder if you're heavier, right? Like if you're carrying your own body weight and you're doing a treadmill, that's fucking harder. But doesn't your heartbeat get faster sooner? In a regular push-up, you lift 64% of your body weight whereas with a knee pushup that's 49%

that's not bad you do a lot of reps if you do training performing the pushup with hands elevated on a 24 inch bench will allow you to lift even less than a knee

pushup at 41% yeah people do those when they're rehabbing like chest injuries knee pushups yeah what off a bench oh yeah yeah

or you can lean on like a wall so how do we get us on the floor it was all even first of all it was even, like Tom and I would have an advantage that Tom and I work out all the time. Like Tom's been working out like basically two times a day for the past year. And they're so short.

Legitimate. I feel like the ghost of Christmas past. Legitimately. I work out all the time. I'm sure you do. It's just a little different. I work out. My whoop.

Let me go through my whoop. I'm sure you're about to have a heart attack. Jamie, can you pull up my whoop stat? That's not my point. Jamie. My point is, Bert, you and I worked out together. You and I worked out together. You get after it.

Yeah, I get after it. We worked out together with John Wolf. They're on my Instagram. Take a look at the improvement I've had on my whoop. You actually have a big improvement. I didn't mean on whoop. I just meant overall. You physically look better.

I could tell. Your face looks totally different. Yeah. I look better. My thing will be reeling this. Take a look at my whoop recovery. Recovery's up 19%. Heart rate variability's up 37%. What does that mean, heart rate variability?

I don't know, but it sounds great. Rest and heart rate, 11%. Sleep efficiency, 1.2%. That's all that. They just didn't include it. But his sleep proficiency is good. It's 87%. That part is amazing. That's very good.

That whooped guy just did an explanation of HRV because I've tried to understand it like three different times and I still don't get it. Every time. I don't know. All I know is I can tell you. Oh, here it goes. There's a variance and variability are two different things.

Heart rate variability is where the amount of time between your heartbeat fluctuates slightly. Even though these fluctuations are undetectable. It doesn't matter. Okay. But we get it. Yeah. It's better. Ari's got to pee.

Go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. You son of a bitch. So wait, do you think this month made you healthier? Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, it definitely did. But it was also interesting to have to work out for a specific amount of calories every single day.

Can I tell you the part that I think is the best, though? Yeah. It's the accountability. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to do it. You could tell me to do this on my own, and I still think I'd i do it but there's something about being accountable to your friends yeah and also being public like i'm doing this every every day like you know that people are like you have to do this it changes it it changes the way your your mental approach

i also like develop some really good circuits i developed some really good ways that i could get like a full body workout and blast out like the same amount of calories. And like for weightlifting, it was always like an hour and a half because I'd take those times in between sets. But for cardio, like that echo bike, that rogue echo bike, that's the motherfucker of motherfuckers, that thing. Yeah, that thing's crazy. Doing those sprints, those Tabata sprints. So you do 20-second sprint, 10-second rest.

That was what I was like torturing myself with the most. I did a lot of Peloton bike, which was great when we did on cardio days and then the thing if i if i needed to hit that calorie count and i had limited time the best way for me was to do a kettlebell circuit because yeah and with like very little breaks i hate to say elevated i hate to be like a remedial dude but explain a kettlebell circuit so you do like cleans cleans, like 10 reps, clean press, 10 reps, clean press, squat, 10 reps, windmill, 10 reps. And no rest. No rest. No rest.

And you go through it. Okay, I've done that. We would add our push-ups to that. So we would do like, let's say, swings into goblet squats, into split squats, put it down, 20 push-ups, go back on. So if you keep doing that, five sets of that, you knock out your 100 pushups. And by the end of that, I wouldn't be at the 500, but I'd be close. So if I was like, I just got to hit these 500 now, I could do it in a pretty limited amount of time. How much time would it take you to do that?

I mean, that circuit would probably take me somewhere in the, I think in like the high 20s to low 30s, something like that. 30 minutes. Maybe 28 minutes, something like that. Wow, so your heart rate's just jacked. Jacked. His heart rate was so that you weren't following his heart rates. I was looking at y'all's heart rates

because I couldn't get mine up. Really? Yeah, I couldn't. But you were also competing against something, you know what I mean? Well, I have blood pressure medicine. Right, so that's different. I'm on a bunch of pills,

which is interesting is one day I forgot all my pills worked out get to dinner and i realized i haven't taken any of my blood pressure so and i'm sober now probably 28 days and i take my blood pressure just to see what's at it's fucking normal yeah what and i was like god damn it man i could be on no medication you could be party you could could be. Would you rather keep partying or would you rather get on no medication? That's a good question. You know, I'll tell you right now, I have a list of things that are important. Number one is I don't want to stroke. That's number one. That's a game changer.

Because I see dudes run down my street sometimes that have had a stroke, and you go, oh, now's when you're healthy. Fuck. You know? You want to have all use of your body as much as we can at this point. We've been through surgeries and whatnot. But also, I know that seeing a cardiologist regularly keeps me in the okay. I need to regulate it somewhat because my lifestyle is not living at a place where I can party the way I used to. Yeah.

Like, I'm just working way too hard. But I like partying. I like fucking partying. I love it. I think you should just limit the amount of times you do it yeah don't stop go hard but go hard on on occasions where people are around not just like sorry buddy some of like the uh why don't you do the end of the week thing like you go on the road yeah and you you work wednesday thursday friday and then like saturday night you know you you

have your you have your night so so you're healthy through the week. It's like the equivalent of someone being like, I feel like eating fucking donuts. Or it's like, yeah, you show up to the store, and for whatever reason, Norman and DeRosa are there, and you're like, oh, okay, let's go. Okay, but then how often do you party in New York? Because that's what you're talking about. And I know already the answer. A bit too often.

Yeah, for sure. Because then it gets to the point where like, well, nobody's here but I want a drink. And then it's like this guy's here. It'll do. Hey, you want to go hard? Freddie Gibbs was at the store the other night. I don't know if Freddie Gibbs, but I'm a fan. I saw him

rap with this kid in his lap. I thought it was cool as shit. He walks back. Is Freddie Gibbs Bee Gees a fan. I saw him rap with this kid in his lap. I thought it was cool as shit. He walks back. Is Freddie Gibbs Bee Gees? Yep. And so Brian Moses introduces us. And I'm like, oh, cool. And they're like, hey, you want a drink? Famous rapper.

And part of me goes, I know that tonight's not the night. None of my friends are there. Yeah. But if Freddie Gibbs wants to have a drink, I'm going to have a drink with him. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the times night. None of my friends are there. Yeah. But if Freddie Gibbons wants to have a drink, I'm going to have a drink with him. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the times when you shouldn't. You should go, ah, nothing great's going to happen out of the night.

You know, I should just leave and go home and get a good night's sleep and work out tomorrow. But it's fucking Freddie Gibbs. It's like, the guy's a great fucking. But that phrase, nothing good's going to happen, that's not necessarily true. Because a good time, a good time's amazing. And you've got to acknowledge that. time's amazing. You gotta acknowledge that. If you want to preach the benefits

of being sober, you also have to acknowledge the benefits of having a good time while you're lit. It is fun. I was getting ready for my special. I was like, let me not drink. Let me not smoke for a while. Let me get focused. And one night in Kansas City, me and Anthony DeVito were there and he also wasn't drinking.

And fucking Brian Regan was like, hey, I had a fucking theater show. Do you mind if I come by your fucking late show and hang out? And I was like, yeah, I mean, of course. And then he goes, want to have a couple cocktails? And me and DeVito both looked at each other,

and it's like, we're drinking tonight, though, right? He goes, yeah, 100%. You've got to take off a night like that. When it's a big thing, somebody's wedding, your brother's wedding, something like that. Cupola cocktails. But do you think you can do that?

That's the real question. Can you have just through it? I really don't know. That's not what you want to do. That's not what you want to do. What you want to do is devour life. Yeah. Yes.

That's what you want to do. Yeah, you're a fucking animal. We're all going to die one day. That's the truth. Probably you quicker than us, but yeah. Probably quicker. I bet I'll live all you motherfuckers. How dare you?

I'll take that bet. First of all, how dare you? I bet I outlive. This is coming from the guy who said he could do the splits. Can you guys, no one here alive will be able to play this. Can you play this at my funeral? Okay. Play this at my funeral, and then everyone's going to go.

I would hope that would make you sad if we're all dead, and you're alive, and you're right, and you're going to play it at the funeral. No, it means I win summer October. Imagine, he's like, I fucking told those guys I'm going to play it at the funeral. No, it means I win summer October. Imagine. He's like, I fucking told those guys I'm going to play you the video. Addendums. He plays us the videos, him saying he would outlive us after we're dead. Addendum.

We can't play this in front of your family. We can play it at the comedian's memorial, this clip, when you die first. No. Let me ask you this. I think the biggest departure from regular life for any of us is actually for you this month. Because we're actually, I mean, he's obviously a lunatic and then we are active but you don't do fucking shit you're like oh my god I did the stairs today so there's my part it was like I gotta do I gotta do this at 1 a.m. yeah you work out like

that homeless guy you were talking like what are you doing and I'm like so are you gonna stick to any of you think I'm like... So wait, are you going to stick to any of it, you think? I'm going to try to do... Let's see you shirtless. What? I'd like to see you shirtless flexing. If I had to bet, I'd say, no, that guy's not going to stick with it. But in my head, I'm like, three days a week would be nice.

You should do it, man. And especially if you're like, 500 is a normal... You can get that. It's not crazy. You can say it's not just working out randomly. It's like, get to that level. You're going to feel better. Don't you feel better this month?

Let me see your body. Because I know there were some problem areas. Your problem areas are gone. Your abs coming in. You had that little belly pocket. Your six pack. Look at that thing, man. You look good, bro.

You look good, Ari. When I had to trade Roger Waters' ass for sit-ups. But here's the thing. If you can keep doing this, you can keep that. And you could even get better. Smell. If you can keep doing this you can keep that and you could even get better smell if you can keep working out like just I mean that's not 500 a day is not that fucking hard to do it's about 45 minutes yeah it's about 45 minutes if you're doing stuff hard where your heart rates jacked and if you're doing like

weightlifting it's probably like an hour and a half yeah but it's not that hard and the benefit of like the lack of anxiety is fucking extraordinary. I don't know how you guys are. My anxiety is so far down. My skin is better. My crowd work is at an all time high. Your brain's up firing differently.

Uh-huh. I really think that you need that. I think we're supposed, that's what humans are supposed to do. They're supposed to have physical activity in their life. Especially late in your 30s like this. You're supposed to get after it. Also, you can do normal

things. We don't all have access to the fucking Madison Square Garden workout gym that Bert has and shit like that. But we can all do I can just jump on a city bike and bike for 40 minutes. You can all just get that. You can get a fucking staircase. You just would walk stairs. It's also that thing where the older you get, the more resources you have, and the easier you can make life.

And when you force yourself to be uncomfortable, workouts can sometimes be the only uncomfortable part of your day. Yes. That's it. That's a very important thing. You can be very comfortable all the time. It's coming home at 1 a.m. going, I'm done. And you're like, fuck. I know.

These fucking assholes are my friends. I got to do this fucking thing. I you're like, fuck. I know. These fucking assholes are my friends. I gotta do this fucking thing. I'm done. Yeah, but you're one of those assholes too, bro. You are. True. It's kind of cool. You can't blame us.

I feel a little blamed. Because you blame us while you're doing this thing that you agreed to. We all agreed to it. Imagine if he drugged you. There's a powerful thing. There's a powerful thing involved in having that ultimate accountability. You have to do it. You gotta do it. Imagine if he drugged you. There's a powerful thing involved in having that ultimate accountability. You have

to do it. You gotta do it. You gotta mail in that text. I'm coming up with, I'd be interested if we should all do it, but I'm coming up, I would like to do another thing. What? Like this. Another challenge. Like a thousand, like a hundred squats a day or air squats. Just something so that I have to pay a tax

at the end of the day. Actually, we should do that. We should come up with that today, and I think because you asked for it, we should definitely challenge you to something. We can all do it, but I'm saying... Challenge me to what? Like you're saying, an additional challenge would be for... I'd be up for it. The sit-ups were pretty cool. I can't get involved in competition. No, no.

Not like that. Challenge. Not competition. Sort of like October just was. I love your brain. It wasn't... You know your brain's adjacent to mine, right? I'm sure they're neighbors. They're next door neighbors. And they both don't like who moved in across the street. Well, that's why I get so upset when you talk shit. But so this is what I'm saying.

It's not a competition. He's saying a challenge, like as in. How's your workouts going? Like, no, no. A count of bill of buddies. Like a hundred a day push. Like we should do another one for November November because he's asking for it. I know what that means with him.

He wants you to say, we got to do this every day. Well, it would be smart if we continued doing something. That's what I'm saying. Just because of the benefit that we all got out of this month. If we want to pretend that that's temporary. I don't want to start over for push-ups next year. Yes, that's the thing. It's like the benefit we all got out of that, what I got out of it was like this extreme

like alleviation of external like worry and concern. And it's- It's also you get rewards of going, hey guys, look what I did. I tried this today. Oh, cool. How was that? Oh, I called the battle bike that you did. It was like, oh, you get to brag a little and like people are like, oh, is that a good

one? Maybe I'll try that one. It puts life into a more manageable frequency. I got a challenge for us. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. We do, Bert's going to be on board.

You guys are going to be not. We do rowing, the rowing thing. We finish it off with doing the Talisker cross Atlantic journey, four-person row. You're sucking the devil's dick right now, son. I love your brain. I love your fucking brain. Tommy and I are going to be live broadcasting. I love your brain.

I love your brain. Tommy and I will be live from your mom's house studios. We can do it. We'll be. How far? How far? It's like two or three weeks. Three weeks.

Three weeks of rowing. Jamie. Three days of rowing Jamie three weeks of rowing we'll have a boat trailing us the whole time I fucking love this and you knew he would love that shit

of course I did I love this I love this I called it perfectly I love this across the Atlantic some of us I fucking love this

every day we take we take two and two two and two this is the new shit off the side of the boat this is the new Jewish conspiracy that I don't like

I fucking love this you can make your dumb videos I like this I fucking love this. It takes two months. You can make your dumb videos. I like this so fucking much. How long does it take, Jamie? Two months? No, no, no, no. It's four people.

It's going to take less. It's going to take a lot longer. How many meters is it? It's years. It's a continent. Do you know how much we would fucking hate each other at the end of this thing? Do you know how much we would hate each other? Hang on.

Stop. This is the best idea you've ever had in your life. It's a terrible idea, and you can all eat shit. We all see if we can row across the Atlantic as a team. Raise money for charity. This is the most brilliant thing I've ever fucking heard. I'm going to miss you guys. Joe, you have a row or die out there.

You can call in your families You know what I hate about you You knew to fucking send this to dumb dumb first And then you get them all excited This is fucking brilliant This is better than my teaser This is the best thing I've ever seen in my life Ari this is fucking genius

We can bring Talis to with us Nice to be lit together boys This is fun times. This is like what I miss. Like the ridiculousness of our conversations. Look at the exultation. Don't you want exultation? They look jacked, though.

They're jacked as fuck. How many miles is it? Let's break it down to meters. You think that guy looks like that when he nuts? I think that's what he does when he nuts. Go back to that picture. Talisker, Whitley. Yeah.

Girls do it, dude. When he nuts. That's what he looks like. Yes. Boom back to that picture. Alex G. Whitley. Yeah. Girls do it, dude. When he nuts. That's what he looks like. Yes. Boom, boom, boom. Dude, rowing is the shit. We have a trailer boat. We can't get in trouble. I carry a rower in my tour bus. Lago Mayor Antigua.

3,000 miles. 3,000 miles. Cut it into meters. You guys are so dumb. It hurts my feelings. Dude, it's such a good idea. Dude, we could do's such a good idea. What time of the year is it? I like that whiskey sponsors it. You guys are high as fuck.

This is never happening. 1.5 million strokes per race. It's only five miles deep. We're not going down. The guy that discovered Hawaii. 20 foot high waves? This guy was kept covered by a whale for seven days. The guy finished it in 29 days, 14 hours and 34 minutes, and he's a fucking

champ. That's a four man team. That's a four man team. We can podcast on there. You're going to lose about 18 pounds on it. This is all nonsense now. We've entered into nonsense. Alright, what if we did it on a rowing machine? They're smaller ones. I bet you could do a weak one.

What if we did it on rowing machines?? They're small- no, they're smaller ones. You can- I bet you could do a week one. Give me that whiskey. What if we did it on rowing machines? You guys are far drunker than I clearly- Look at these guys. I bet you could do it in a one week one, like a half way. Those guys are fucking studs. Those guys are jacks. Yeah, right? Those guys are fucking- That's us! Their teeth are even nice. In a better world, that's us!

He's all middle aged. You got me, you got me, you know that. How cool would it be? It would be terrible if you have a torn rotator cuff in the middle of fucking O2. You'll have a trail of doctors on a boat behind us. God damn it. How do you know me so well and my wife doesn't? Of course.

Of course. You guys should suck each other off right now to end this podcast. I'll do it. All right. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's our... But I do like that energy of we all... There's a week-long challenge out there. But even if it's just at home and we all did a certain amount of calories on a rower or on a treadmill.

You need something for November. What's your November challenge? I know you. You need a November challenge. You really do. We need to ride this out. We've got it going, right? We've already did the month.

Let's not turn off the momentum. Sit-ups is good. Yes. How about that not turn off the momentum. Sit-ups is good. Yes. How about that? I'd add that. Sit-ups are great. That's great. Crunches, sit-ups.

Those are my hardest things. I do one thing where I do a whole body weight circuit one day where I start with chin-ups, and then I go from chin-ups to dips, and then I go dips to these kind of chin-ups, like a different grip, and then I go from that to push-ups, and then I go from that to bodyweight squats. You know what was fucking rad? Coach Wolf. John Wolf?

John Wolf. So who we know, everybody knows. I went there one day, and he did this mobility, like warm-up. Like the hip stuff? But it was full body just to pre-workout, and it felt like a fucking full – he's like, now we're – it was like 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Yeah.

If we can get like – we all see some video that we like, like this is – do this every day. It was incredible. I mean, it felt like a full fucking body workout, and it was just his mobility stuff. Who's the gay guy with the short shorts? Let's all do that one. Which guy?

Richard Simmons? Richard Simmons. Okay. Let's all do Richard Simmons. How about – Those Simmons. Okay. Let's all do Richard Simmons. How about... Those workouts are legit. Those are hard. How about we hit up those?

Why don't we get Wolf to give us... Sweating to the oldies. Why don't we get Wolf to give us like a mobility workout? That's not bad. We definitely can do that. Or we can get Wolf to give us a different workout every day, and we have to do it. But the problem with that is like you guys are touring. But you want something that...

This mobility stuff was also like... I want to say, except for one part of it where we used kettlebells, it was all using your body. You know what I mean? I like the body stuff. And all this stuff that you're like, holy shit, you feel your body working so hard. And it was just the precursor to the workout. It was pretty awesome. I did Nate's workout once. I saw him in Vegas.

He was there for Scandic Fest one day. No, Nate Bar nate bargazzi and he has a trainer on the road with him and he was like he gave me the workout for the day i just did it with him and it was a lot of like put your leg up on a on a thing and then dips dips and then like walk across the gym with holding a weight then do push-ups walks yeah it was tough it didn't get you 500 calories but it was i was sore all over the next day that kind of farmer's walk shit, they say that's one of the best workouts for your core. You're supposed to do it in, you know what that is? Where you hold weights and just walk around. Yeah, you just walk around.

But they say the key is to actually hold it in one hand. The key is to do one hand, one side, like a heavy weight on one side, because you have to compensate with the other side, and then you switch and go back the other way. And then doing it with two, it's almost like you let the weights hang down. They balance each other out. It actually makes it a little easier than doing it with one on each hand. One all the way down, all the way back, push-ups. Then the other all the way down, all the way back, push-ups.

Because you have to balance out that way instead of the weights balancing you out. Makes sense. Is there something that, and I say this i wish i knew what i was saying but like keith weber in like a sit like the cool thing about push-ups is that i knew that i could just get out of bed and go do them right i would like a squat push up that's what i'm alluding to for this mobility stuff is getting one that is without weights because they're yeah somebody like him can design one that is challenging as fuck but is without weights.

Also, if you can do it through the day, I was at Billy Joel and I was like with Sal and Justin Silver and Big Jay and they're like, what the fuck are you doing?

I'm doing push-ups. It's great. It's great. I have to get these in. You did them in the Roger Waters green room. Yeah, I did them in there. You just gotta get them in.

I like that. I want to see Roger Waters and Ari's in there banging out his push-ups. Can you get John Wolfe on the phone to talk about... Yeah, for sure. ...Luna right now so that we can solidify... No, I don't want to call him right now.

Oh, call him. That's rude. Call him. Bring him into a podcast. You talk a lot about him. No, no, no. We'll talk about him afterwards. We'll figure something out afterwards.

No, but I like... I think we have to announce it now or it's... I don't know what you're talking about. Because people like... We can come up with a thing right now. Let's do it. I like body squats. I only just recently started getting low on a body squat.

We can 100% get stuff to Ari. If you want some kettlebells, we could ship you some kettlebells. So we can have them there for you. Dude, let's do it. It has to be small. Yeah, they can be real small. A 25-pound kettlebell is like that big. I can store those somewhere.

And that's a good weight. I have no space. Like, it sounds like a lightweight, but it's really not. Like, if you do, like, all that bodyweight stuff with a 25-pound kettlebell, like that guy Keith Weber. He's so good. He has his extreme cardio kettlebell workouts. Six-minute workouts, one of the best workouts I've ever done in my life. I'll tell you as the weakest member of this group.

Thank you. Six-minute workout is one of the best workouts I've ever done in my life. I'll tell you as the weakest member of this group. Thank you. Go smaller than what people say and just do it. Everyone's like, do 25. Do 10 and just get it done. You'll be completely worn out and you're still getting it done. Doing too much, that's when your knee gets injured.

Yeah, don't go too hard too quick, especially if you don't have experience with exercise. It's really important to build up slow. You've got to get better the same way you got sick. Warm up anyway. Warming up is a fucking key. Can I tell you the silliest thing? I had a moment of a— One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

It looks like a Popeye cartoon. Eight. Nine. Nine. Ten. All right. Keep going, Ari. You got this.

Eleven. Twelve. Thirteen. Holy shit, Ari. That's nice, Ari. Fourteen. Fifteen. Fifteen.

Fifteen. You get fifteen. You get fifteen. You got fifteen. Push it. Push it., 15? You can get 15. You can get 15. You got 15. Push it, push it, push it. You got one more. You got one more. One more in you.

16. Big breath. 16. And then rest at the bottom. Rest at the bottom. And then throw yourself up. 15 and a quarter. Nice.

All right, here we go. That's pretty strong. Considering like you were at six, right? Your record. What was the first, when you started out, what did you start off at? Six the first time, and then I got wobble arms, and then it was four after that. I got a P2. What's he doing?

I'm going to go P2. I got a fist. I got a fist. Oh, okay. Fuck. Everybody, tune into your mom's house every Monday for exciting new content and Garth Brooks shit-a-thons. Monday's is Two Bears, One Cave.

Two Bears, One Cave is every Monday. Where your mom says every Wednesday. Trying to get Bert Drew on tomorrow morning. We will see. The Danny Brown Show is on Tuesdays. Start with my episode of the Danny Brown Show. It's exciting. Just like the Kumya Show we were talking about before.

Crazy fun green screens. It's like old school fucking adult swim style. There you go. Danny Brown Show. He gets after it. Dr. Drew on Thursdays. It's all there at the YMH YouTube channel.

Dude, so that was 15? That was my record. Don't you want to keep going though? I don't mean right now. I mean like through the next month. Yeah, I do. You got to keep going. I do.

Yeah, you're going to be, dude. I'll tell you when you, you probably had this, when people go, hey, you're looking better or you're like, oh, that's nice. When they can't help

but say something. That's a nice motivation. Skin is cleaner. Yeah. I know because here's the thing. When they can't help but say something. That's a nice motivation. Skin is cleaner. Yeah. I know, because here's the thing. You don't want to let that go. Right. The fact that when people haven't seen you in a while

and they're like, damn, dude. Oh, you must get that. You lost, what, 130? No. Since April of 32. Dude. Yeah. You're in a level of, right now, 205.

I know, it's crazy. 2003 was the last time i weighed that that's that's not crazy i can't believe how fucking fat i got when i saw you the first time i went to your new studio yeah and i didn't know i'm kind of off social media so i was like so i didn't see posts or anything and just like as soon as you see you're like whoa dude yeah you're vastly different and that was before all this yeah yeah 25 pounds ago 30 pounds ago that's just being just just trying just trying a little it's all stuff that you should you know what it is it's that we all do things like for a little bit and then you kind of go it's being mindful about this is what i do just being consistent with it yeah not eating like an asshole yeah uh working out right these guys in my

building next door to me. Yeah. And they were all pitchers at Harvard two years ago. Yeah. And you see them going to the laundry room with their shirts off because they're washing everything. Sure. And you're like, God damn it, you're fucking ripped.

Oh, thank you. It's rad. I'm not that ripped. How many do you think I could do right now? I think you can do your 40. I don't know. Are you going to do it? Oh, wow.

I'm going to tell you. I'll tell you. I got 15. I'm so fucking stoked. You'll be able to feel right away whether you can do it. Probably. I to do it? Oh, wow. Let's see. I'm going to tell you. I'll tell you. I got 15. I'm so fucking stoked. You'll be able to feel right away whether you can do it. Probably. I bet it's faster. Do it.

Do it naked. I don't think you need to be naked. Don't do it naked. Bert, what are you doing? Keep that shirt on. It's for propaganda. It's extra weight. Oh, I'm just getting on my knees.

Yeah. You're used to it. Here he goes. All right. Count them out, Joe. One, two, three, four, five, six, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33. By the way, none of those count. Oh, fuck off.

None of those are legit. Not a single one. Not a single one was legitimate. Oh, come on. All of them were half push-ups. No, I was happy for you. Oh, fuck you guys. No, I was happy for you.

I was counting. None of them were legit. None of them were legit. You barely doubled me. No, I just stopped because I'm not going to do the, oh, those aren't real push-up game. I don't think they're real. It's a fun game.

I thought your push-ups were legit already. Let's see a Joe Rogan push-up. Let's see a Joe Rogan push-up. I don't want to hurt myself. Just don't go for 100. Just do a... No, no, no, no, no, no. It better be...

Wait, for real, mine didn't look real? No, it didn't look real? No, it looked real. How far down is a push-up? Is it to here? It's to your belly, I thought. No, you didn't go to your belly, son. I know. How far down?

What are we agreeing on? Do a real push-up. This is a real one. Great. Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 30. All right. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 40. He's going to get crazy now. 6, 7, 8, 9.

All right, 50. 60. All right, you're good, man. He's got to do 66. That was brain, man. All right, 70. 70, keep going. Five more, five more, five more.

Four. 75. Wow, dude. Fucking nice. How many was that? 75. 75 push-ups. Wow.

75. Pretty impressive. Tucker Carlson can't do that. I didn't know it myself. I was legitimately worried. For real? Yeah, I was going to go too far. 75 is a lot good job Joe

Wow dude 75 bro way to go 75 Whoo now it's time for old Tommy two dips. I got to do push-ups too? Yeah, but Tommy has a real issue with his back. Tell everybody your issue. I got this. Some dude came on his back. Some guy came on my back.

No, I went to see my nerve doctor for my arm. But, no, I went to see this, my nerve doctor for my arm. And he noticed that, like, the left side of my back has atrophied, you know. And so I thought it was related to the injury and recovering. Yeah. Right? So, like, because, like, when I was injured, obviously you didn't do anything. So then you come back and I've been active since then.

But I have, like, pain a lot of times in my arm or in my lats and you know weird pains in my shoulder so i'm like yeah it's all related to like recovering from this injury so he saw me do a push-up without a shirt on he's like the right side of your back is like fully like developed and you can see that the left side is not. And he said that we have to verify it, that it's... Homosexuality? Homosexuality, but it's also related to what he thinks is nerve compression originating from the spine but unrelated to my injury. So that the nerve is not firing. Like it was always there?

It might have not been unrelated. The way you fell, you could have easily hurt that in the process. You're right, and it could be that be that wait. So what does it do? Well, it's just that like it's everything's not firing as well on the left side So you there's like less muscle development in my back things that are painful like lat pull downs at a certain weight You know, I can feel it. Oh, oh, yeah MRI. I'm getting one. Whoa Yeah, just you do workouts around it you know, I can feel it. Oh, for real? Oh, yeah. Did you get an MRI? I'm getting one. Whoa. Yeah.

So do you do workouts around it? No, you just, what they told me is, because I've been doing it for a while now, is just to be mindful of, like, if something hurts, sometimes you go, like, I'll just keep going. He's like, dial it back. Oh, interesting. Don't get injured.

It was bizarre. He showed it to us. And you could see it. You could literally see it. I can still do push-ups, but you just feel it differently. And with weight, I definitely, at different weights, feel it. I heard a doctor at something, not my doctor, but he said the problem with a lot of people in their 40s and 50s is they don't have explosive strength,

but they still have explosive movements. Oh, interesting. It's called decondition explosive movements. Oh, interesting. It's called, uh, it's called, uh, uh, Deconditioned Athletes. Oh. Yeah, nobody, nobody 75 jumps up a stair, jumps down eight stairs. I gotta give Tate Fletcher, uh, props for that.

He was talking about us being, like, athletic and thinking that we could still do this shit. We tried to do this Grouse Grounder hike, and Tate was like, no, you guys are deconditioned athletes. Because you did it when you were younger, you think you can always do it, and that's why you go out and do it,

but you can't do it. You're an old man. And that's how you get hurt. Coffee? Water. Water. It's interesting to me because with these push-ups, I realized for the first time, I never realized I could get hurt until I got hurt.

You know what I mean? You didn't know? No, I didn't know you could get hurt. I thought that's just like, oh, you just go back on there and try to jump as high as you can. Isn't it funny watching a non-athlete, somebody who used to be in somebody in like a 40s like a Basketball comes up and like okay. I can shoot and they shoot like With you because you still remember the right form, but you don't work your body on it starts to fucking slip away Yeah, dude. This has changed our

Cameraman on our bus Yeah started listening to the way we were talking about doing push-ups and the whole concept that if you are not lifting weights into your 50s You are letting your body deteriorate Fucked him up, and he was like I don't want to be just some old man Who's shoulders look like a coat hanger? And he started doing push-ups started working out and got through a ton of trauma From like the way his brain worked in a gym because you know gyms are not the most we're never the most welcoming environment for guys our age wasn't like everyone was like they

are now hey man what are your pronouns coming into our bench press it was like fucking come here bitch oh he got pinned leave him there leave him there he figures it out for himself fuck him you know really where the fuck were you working out in Florida. They let you get pinned under a bench press? Yeah, bro. Do you remember when we all bench pressed drunk? Oh, yeah. 225. 225.

It pinned you. It pinned me, and it fucked me up. It fucked me up. You couldn't do it. You couldn't do it either. I did do it. You don't remember it. I did do it.

Hold on. Do you remember that? I have no memory of this. You can ask him out there. He was there, too. Wait, when? When we did it drunk. I remember Joe did it and fucking hurt himself.

No. No, I didn't. You don't remember it well. It wasn't in Austin. It wasn't in Austin. It was not. I did not hurt myself. It was in LA.

It was in LA. Yes. Oh, yeah. Listen. No, no, no. I 100% have already had some weird shit going on with my shoulder. You don't remember it well. I'm going to hurt myself. You don't remember it. I didn't hurt myself doing that. Call that clip Joe Rogan making an excuse. I know you don't remember it. No, I did no. I 100% have already had some weird shit going on with my shoulder. You don't remember it well. I'm going to hurt myself.

You don't remember it. I didn't hurt myself doing that. Call that clip Joe Rogan making an excuse. I know you don't remember it. No, I did like. Okay. No, I remember it. I did it easy.

I remember it to a T. You couldn't do it. 225. You couldn't do it. I'll do it five times now. Okay. Bull shit. Bull shit.

I busted out. I busted out a rep. I busted out one rep. And even you were like, holy shit. That's a lot. And then he came out and he did nine reps. I did way more than nine reps. No.

You did nine reps. I did more than nine reps. I did 12. That's what I could do at 225 then. That time? 100%. Yeah. I remember that.

You got pinned, right? I remember that. I was at 12. It gives me no memory of any of this. Because I don't even do it. I don't even do it. But I remember doing it that day and going, oh, now I know.

I could do 12 reps at 225. I thought it was nine. Drunk. No, no, no. It was 12 because I don't do it at all. So it was weird to me that even though just through doing kettlebells, which never gets heavier than 70 pounds, I still maintain strength to do 12 reps at 225.

That's a lot. But now you can do it. Yeah, I can. I thought we all got pinned. No. I've been telling that story for a while. This is a lie. You thought I got hurt.

Joe got hurt. No, you didn't. Same again. Do you remember him? I remember you going like, I think I fucked my chest up. I did a lot there. I think I probably said

I could have fucked my chest up because I'm a moron. Yes, you did say that. And I'm a drunk bench person. Yeah, yeah. Okay, then that's what I should have said. Because I remember saying, I don't do this. I remember seeing a Burt story on video, and it starts with two screens.

One is Burt's story. One is what happened. And they start the same for a while, and then the right side of the screen just starts shifting into a whole different dimension. And mine will always be better. Mine will always be better. That's true. Facts.

Facts. You could go bang out five reps right now? Yeah. Of 225? Don't get 225 225 pounds I don't know. I can do two. I can do two 60 255 unfortunately we have a gym right next door. Oh fuck. That's Think we're gonna have to find out Okay, I love this though. This is what we want. What what do we do what's the worst that happens

I get pinned again are we competing we're not competing we're not competing don't get into this we'll save this for the Talisker Cross Atlantic Challenge why do you

why do you have a similar reaction to me that I have to you similar it's very similar yeah why do you have that yeah why do you you fucking always pass the buck to other people?

I don't know. It's good deep. I think I feel like... I don't know. I don't I really don't know. I should have been in therapy this entire fucking month. I think you respond really well to genuinely being told you can't do something. I love... I think I'm magic. And I feel like when you say I can't do it, I can. Well, I think that's the secret to your success

in a lot of ways is that enthusiasm for these divine moments. Like legitimately divine moments. A moment when you're fucking, we talked about this before, like Bert's the guy, you give him a basketball, he never practices,

he fucking swishes it from midcourt in front of 15,000 people and everybody goes crazy. Yeah, he's like, see? Just like when you were on that show and you shot the fucking bullseye with an arrow. You weren't practicing. You just did it.

And so you have like a deep, almost like soulful, spiritual connection to those kind of moments. That's what I love about, that's what I love about sports is like there was always that dude that you never thought would do it and he could. John Daly.

Dude. He's the man. My guy. John Daly, John Wells, David Wells. I'm 100% the opposite of you in that. Because my thing is, everybody is this weird beginner, but if you just fucking keep figuring it out, you can get to this wild place of excellence.

Where it's repeatable. Where you can do it over and over and over again. Whatever the thing is that you're trying to do really well. You can get better at it. If you don't fuck things up with your body, you don't fuck things up with your brain, you can get better at it to the you don't fuck things up with your body, you don't fuck things up with your brain, you can get better at it to the point

where you achieve a level of excellence. And you never count on divine moments. I do. I know you do. I love the divine moments. But that's why you guys have this interesting... That's the yin and the yang. Yeah, we're both Chinese. It's interesting that, and I

love that about you, because I appreciate it appreciate i never appreciated it before until i started following guys like david goggins and those guys but there's something in my soul that fucks me up and i just go i'll do 100 miles i know there is you want to row across the fucking ocean with stupid that's the thing that excites me more than anything in the world that's the thing that's the that's the sauce where i go yeah man does don't you feel it the way i feel it yeah like i love the idea of when i see david goggins i think i connect probably mostly with like those david god cam haines guys i connect

with that that speech. It hits me in the heart and I go, yeah, man, I haven't done shit in a while, but I can do that. Everybody feels like that. That's why those guys are so popular. When you did that marathon, it was like no one thought you could do it. No one did. I thought he could do it 100%.

No way you did. 100% I did. Bullshit. I felt like if he runs five miles, which he was doing on a regular basis, he can run a marathon. You just have to decide to do it. Bullshit. No way. You thought exactly the opposite of that.

I thought he wasn't going to do it. Yeah. But I thought he could do it. No way he thought you could do it. Thank you. You're welcome. He sounds like a hater. You're welcome.

Not a hater. Realist. He hated that you did do it. Oh, I did hate it. Because it goes against my whole worldview. You're supposed to work out to get things, not just fucking drink on a treadmill. I did not hate it. That's not the path to success. Inaccurate.

That is defamatory and uncalled for. When you know that my narrative has been nothing but the opposite. Your Honor, I rest my case. Joe is literally the most supportive guy for comedy and the least supportive of Burt's workout. Listen, I just don't like to hear nonsense. Don, I want to hear you're in great shape. To put?

Settle the fuck down. Like, I'm not in great shape. No, but you are. You're in ridiculous shape right now. Pretty good shape. Dude, your pictures were retarded. The pictures you sent to us were like you were trying to fuck us. I showed them to people.

I'm like, this seems like a Marvel green screen of a Photoshop man. I showed one to Leanne and she went like this. She went, oh. Like a sound when a monkey falls out of a tree. I was like, what? It doesn't make any sense. It's ridiculous, bro. It makes no sense that a body could be like that.

I want to leak them so bad. You have no idea. Be my friend. I am your friend. That's why I text you. They were nuts. They were nuts. You're so fucking big.

And it's just, it's crazy. Bodies can't do that. They can if you just don't let it go. That's the number one key is you never let it go. You never let your body slip away to the point where you can't like do you understand though how many brains do you understand how many brains feel like yours and how many brains feel like mine yes the majority majority of brains feel like mine where they recognize your your brain pattern is being interesting too i want there's it's

attractive it's that i don't give a fuck we're here to party that's attractive. I don't give a fuck. We're here to party. That's attractive, too. But I feel like I would... My goal next year is, on the Fully Loaded Tour, to get in shape where I can hit dingers one after another. I want to hit, like, 15 home runs. Dingers? Oh, wow. Oh, get in, like, real baseball shape.

He's playing baseball stadiums. Yeah, I'm doing baseball stadiums, but I want to hit home run after home run after home run. So someone throws a pitch in front of the whole crowd, and you hit a home run, and then you do your show. No. No, no, no. After hours. After the games, the teams do the show, show up and do batting practice. And I am. After the shows, you guys do batting practice?

Oh, yeah. You guys do the videos. Full loaded tour. Oh, my God. videos full-loaded tour coming next year It's the funnest and Hardcore secret time We're doing one in Austin. Oh, and I would love for you guys to be a part of when is that? Okay, what's ours? I'm so bad at this.

Listen. All right. Tease it. Look at this. So wait, that's, no, that's not. That's not good. Go to my fully loaded. This is. How good are you at baseball?

I'm pretty fucking amazing. He was a baseball player. That was not a good point. So when they throw fastballs at you, you get hit a fastball? Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just asking. You should have seen at the bachelor party, at Norman's bachelor party.

For the record bachelor party he comes I'm doing it he comes in and immediately he goes hey Joe List I saw your swing it's terrible

it needs work Joe's like what the fuck's your problem dude he's just antagonistic right from the start it's the way you deal with like an athlete right

I play legit baseball I can tell you what's wrong with your swing yeah he's like I can fix your swing I can with your swing. Yeah, he's like, I can fix your swing. I can fix your swing. You went on a serious college baseball team? Yeah, I got recruited by a bunch of colleges. Got recruited by Citadel, Duke.

Citadel, France? Went to Florida State to walk on, and then within my first day I was like, this isn't me. They wanted me to catch a bullpen. I just walked out left field fence. Went back to Sally Hall, smoked a joint with Chili Willie. Chandler Perry. Paul Pizzo.

What happened to your baseball dreams? I traded it for partying. Wow. I actually legit traded it for partying. So you were that good. He makes $10 million a year by drinking. I got to be fair. And I only say this in the sense that you would be fair about this. I was not that good.

Meaning I'm better than. You were college good. I was good enough to ride the bench in college. Right. So what's the point? Yeah. And so I just saw – I remember Coach Martin had a pledge pin on, and he said, we can take that off right now.

You're going to play baseball at a party. And I remember legit going, I think I'm going to party. Yeah, you know what, man? That's the right approach. Look, that's led you to being you. The thing about athletes that I always tell this to fighters in particular, because I think it's the most dangerous of athletics other than football, right? I say, if you're not obsessed with doing it, don't do it. If you're not obsessed, because there's people out there that are going to be obsessed, and they're going to fuck you up.

Yeah. They're going to fuck you up, those demons. You see it with comedians all the time. Yeah, if you're not obsessed with comedy, you're just bomb. Starting off. But you don't get brain damage. I don't know. I'm obsessed with fucking comedy. Or you'll see a comic who goes, yeah, I took a year off to write a book.

I'm back now. And you're like, oh, no, you're not. Nope. Want some more? Yeah, I am. Yeah, I am. Yeah, I do. The thing about sports for me is, I say this respectfully.

You see Jake Paul fight, right? Jake Paul. His name's Jake, and he demands your respect. No, he's a great fighter. Beat Anderson Silva. Knocked him down. Yeah, he did. It's wild as fuck.

That was nuts. I didn't see that one. I couldn't believe it. And it wasn't the end. This weekend. Knocked down Anderson Silva. But you can't deny that the dude's fucking athletic as fuck. He's got chops for sure, man.

But people size you up based on what they see was the first time. So they see you as a Disney guy, and then they go, you'll never be a fighter. And then you go, okay, I'm also something else. And they say Anderson Silva as the 24-year-old fighter and not the 45-year-old. Yeah, and by the way, we should point something out. Some people are trying to say that that fight was fixed because of the knockdown. If you find that, there's a video where people are questioning. I just want to explain to people.

This is what happened. Anderson moved forward to Jake Paul, and Jake Paul hit him with sort of a stepping jab and caught him right on the chin. And when he caught him on the chin, Anderson Silva was falling backwards, and then he leans away from the right hand, and he goes down. He tripped. No, no, no. He was down from the punch, but it looks like the right hand and he goes down. He tripped. And it looks like, no, no, no, he was down from the punch, but it looks like the right hand doesn't connect and it doesn't connect.

But the left hand is what fucked him up. That left, that dude hits fucking hard. And for anybody to say he doesn't hit hard because he's a YouTube star, if this guy was not a fucking YouTube star and he was some dude who went out there and flatlined Tyron Woodley with one punch and just knocked down Anderson Silva in the fucking eighth round, right? Drag it right there! Watch that, dude.

Come on, son. Dropped him. I mean, that is legit as fuck. Anybody who says it's not legit is crazy. He cracked him. He's a fighter. He's got the gay back tattoo of a fighter. Dude, he can fight. He can fight. Is he the best in the world?

No. But is he getting better with every fight? Yes. Is he a 25-year-old guy who's a legit athlete? He's 25? Yes. Here's the question, Joe. Isn't he?

Is he 25? He's got to be. 24. Excuse me. He's 24. He's younger. Listen, if this is what he wants to do, this guy is making a fucking insane amount of money. Is he really?

And he fucking loves it. And he's beating people that everybody says he shouldn't be in the fucking ring with. But is he? Hang on. Because I'm not an internet guy as much as you guys. Is he making a ton of money? I don't know. He is on these fights.

I don't follow this shit. Well, you just asked me. He is on these fights. You know, it's his promotion that put this together. I don't know how successful it was, but it's his promotion. But that's my point. Hold on. That's my point. A lot of people watched it.

I know that. I know a lot of people were talking about it online. But what money is he making? Because Dana says he's not. I don't know if Dana has access to the amount he's making. I mean, I don't know if it's public. I legitimately don't know. I legitimately don't know.

I legitimately don't know. I legitimately don't know. But from what I understand, he's fucking the main seller of pay-per-view in these cards. And these cards are doing pretty well. So that means he's making some money. Making some money. You know, you be the judge of how much money he's making. Look, it says he's made $40 million from his three fights in 2021.

Well, there you go. He's made $40 million fighting. I mean, he's probably making as much, if not more, than any other boxer alive other than maybe, say, Tyson Fury. And then he just adds on his Instagram. Or maybe Canelo Alvarez. Canelo is making probably the most of anybody, right? Canelo's got a crazy contract. Canelo is the fucking king of the kings, right? But he's out for a while now.

He had to get, like, a wrist surgery. He had a fucked up— Did he? Yeah, he had a fucked up wrist. And it might take many, many months for him to get back. So it's like, other than him, it's like Tyson Fury is the next big dog.

And maybe the biggest of big dogs if he's fighting Usyk, right? He makes more than those guys. He makes more than all those guys? No, not more than, but in that range. Right? You've got to think Canelo's number one. Canelo a number one fighting man Canelo's number one because he's basically people think he's of them be fall who just beat him but be fall beat him in a weight

class above his He's the pound for pound most people think like the guy they got the fact that the guy had the balls to go all the Way up to 75 and not just knockout Kovalev was a former champion But then take on be Vols undefeated at the top of his game and lose a decision to him It's not something his weight class. Not even close, yeah. No, I mean, he really was at his prime at like 54, you know? And he just can – he's so good.

He can fight anywhere. You're talking about Canelo? Yes, dude. Canelo is fucking phenomenal. I don't follow enough of this. So he's like probably the number one pay-per-view draw along with Tyson Fury. I think Tyson Fury is like whenever the heavyweights go, so does boxing. That's like an old saying.

Yeah. And with Tyson Fury being the fucking king, he's so marketable, and he's so extraordinary. Yeah. And his accomplishments, the fact that he beat Deontay Wilder. Everybody gets knocked out by Deontay Wilder. Crazy. He's the only one who gets off the deck and beats him. The power punching is fucking insane.

And then stops him in the third fight. I mean, dude, Tyson Fury's a fucking monster. One of the greatest heavyweights of all time. Yeah. Unquestionably. Doesn't get the credit for it, though, really. If he retires today, Tyson Fury goes down as one of the all-time greatest heavyweights.

He deserves to be mentioned with Joe Louis and Mike Tyson. Like, what would happen if those guys get together? If he fought Lennox Lewis in his prime? He's in that level. Yeah. 6'9". He's so good. He's so big.

Because no one cares about boxing as much anymore. It's not the case. It's just like there has to be big fights. The UFC has big fights constantly. It's not as big as it was. It was the only game in town before, and now UFC is the game in town. I remember Dana White telling me, and it seemed unreasonable. He goes, I want to be bigger than the NFL.

And I was like, good luck, bro. And he by far did it. Hey, what's up with Dana White with the he'll be dead in five years? Oh, he apparently went to some doctor who examined his lifestyle, and Dana was overweight, and he wasn't feeling well, and he was having sleep apnea and all those different things. And this doctor put him on a diet and exercise regime. said listen i've been really accurate about this kind of thing this is where this goes and this this is nothing but bad news in the future if you don't make a

radical change in your health and your lifestyle and so he started he said basically it's kind of keto you know like he cut out all the bullshit and look at him now he looks like he looks crocking great jesus so he lost all this weight got a six- him now. He looks fucking great. Jesus. So he lost all his weight. He's got a six pack now. He looks so much different when you see him. He's much healthier. He feels much better.

He doesn't like drink wine at dinner and stuff? I don't know. You know, I haven't had dinner with him in a while. Is he all carnivore now? Is that what he's doing?

He's mostly eating like that kind of, you know, like mostly like ketogenic carnivore style. Speaking of. Very low carbs, no bread,

no bullshit, no pasta. He's got some to eat. Very low carbs. No bread. No bullshit. No pasta. Let's get something to eat. Oh, hey. You guys want to have dinner? How long have we been doing? Two and a half hours? More.

Yeah. 2.45. You guys want to have dinner for real? Ultimately, this was a lot of fun. Hold on. Hold on. We have 15 more minutes of drinking. But here's the thing about that.

I have a show at 8.30. For what? No, the show at the vulcan you know at first yeah but you guys are on it come on bitches you're on let's go have fun can i just tell you an apology to fans out there earlier in my career here i was going to the vulcan and i was like this is a workout room and then i realized that joe was paying us one thousand dollars to do a set and i had to rethink what I was doing. And I'm like, this is not a workout show just because it's at a bar.

This is a fucking show. And the last time, the last two times, I was like, I'm going to bring it, guys. And I apologized for it. Shut the fuck up, boy. I owe Tommy and fucking Jesus Christ. Now I got to pay them. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's a real club.

You know, it's great. It's great. The shows have been great. I've been doing it with Brian Simpson, David Lucas, and William Montgomery is on tonight. Ron White was on the other night. Tim Dillon's on tonight, too. It's going to be fun. Tim Dillon's here?

Yeah. Yeah. Tim Dillon's doing Tonight and Tomorrow. I've got to say this. Tim Dillon is on the new episode of Something's Burning. And it is. It's so funny. It is the fuck.

He's such an elitist for food. He's one of the funniest guys alive. I can't. He's genuinely one of the best. I love Tim. He's one of my all-time favorites already. Yeah. I love him to death.

I would love. He's so wild. I would love nothing more than anything. I would love to shit on a comic. You know, it's like the funnest thing we do behind everyone's back. Yeah. The funniest thing ever is to tell everyone

how great someone is Tim Dillon is the greatest dude that's ever been on any podcast ever including all of us that guy fucking murders he murders on a level he's the best

this is what he's the best at of all time ranting with like a producer listening and him just going on rants. Wear sunglasses. That's like his drug. This is how he's on drugs. He just puts sunglasses on. And he goes into the fucking fog world

and his eyes roll behind his head. It's the best guest you can ever have because you just love one of them. It's an animal. Did we post a clip of him on Something's Burning? Hold on. It's my favorite one. Did I show you my favorite one, right? I showed you my favorite one. Yes, yes. Dude, I'm so glad you have control of that show back.

Oh, it's so nice. To be able to do it your way. It's so nice. It's just like, it's such a fun, good show, and people are seeing it now. Well, it's also, it's like, you recognize that with no, you have to do things on your own. You can't. You have to. Oh, okay, hold on, hold on.

That is my favorite. Oh, yeah, go back to one of the most embarrassing clips of all time. Of me crying, dropping my daughter for college. What a dork. No, I was showing my face. Go back, go back. I was showing my face change in... This is Tommy getting measured.

Sorry, Tom. Look at that loser. Go to the... That is my house. Skinny my face. That's how skinny my face is compared to how fat it was. Wow. I look like a different person, right?

That's pretty crazy. All right. Can you play the compared to how fat it was. Wow. I look like a different person, right? That's pretty crazy. All right, can you play the audio to this? Hold on. Ladies and gentlemen, this is my favorite Tim Dillon thing he's ever said. Okay. Make a meal for me to save my life or I'll shoot you if it's on the show. Make a meal for you that's something that I feel like you would like. I make a specialty I call Percocet pudding.

That was good. That wasn't it, by the way. That wasn't it. My favorite one is Whitney saying, I've had a fucking God damn it, this is Tim Dillon. Should we find it? I'm going to send it to you real quick.

It's so fucking good. Tim Dillon is just fucking genius. Yeah, he's great. I don't know. He's a national treasure. Do you know when it was? Dude, I got to tell you, I saw a Whitney set before she filmed. I saw her at the Paramount.

It was really fucking funny, man. She's fucking awesome. She's caught her stride. Whatever her stride is, she's so loose. And she has so many fans now. So people that are coming to see her are fans. She doesn't give a fuck anymore. Dude, she's so loose. And she has so many fans now. So people that are coming to see her are fans. She doesn't give a fuck anymore. Dude, she was so loose.

It was so fun to watch, man. It was like, damn. It's fun to watch people just come into their own, just become comfortable up there. Just real loose. The person that you know that makes you laugh at the back bar is the same person on stage. That's when it's magic. That really is. The thing about Whitney that is great about her now

is that she feels like she's doing jazz with her comedy. Meaning like, you know, the thing that's beautiful about Chappelle is that it's all jazz. It's just jazz. And when you get someone like Whitney who's a brilliant writer and a really great performer, you watch them get so comfortable into their act

to get into jazz with it, that's when it's fucking beautiful. It is... Hold on. I'm getting it for you. It is my favorite thing. My comedy's more like hair rock. That's what I'm going for.

I'm going for poison. I remember when I was a kid. My great ideas that I followed. Okay, this is it. How did you find this? How did you fucking find this? That's what I do. That's what he does.

God damn it. This is the hardest I've laughed ever doing Something's Burning. Okay. Why don't you start Methadone? Because it's a great way to reclaim your life. And so I was like, oh, if you guys all move to Texas, great. I have all this land because I have money from all my great ideas that I follow through with. One idea.

One idea that was kind of yours and other people's too. That China would not be called great. Oh my god. That's a two-shirt, Whitney. All you need is one good idea. I'm just gonna let you guys think that's where I made most of my money Cut it out cut it I look red as fuck. That's my blood pressure. You don't look good there if you do that.

What is the comfortable medium between hardcore partying Bert and Bert that is going to live for a long time? You tell me. Twice a week, heavy drinking. Once a week, normal. You've said a few things to me that you get Joe Rogan and then you get Joe Rogan as a friend where you do your eye shift and you go, hey, man, you got to stop drinking.

And I went, that's never going to happen. So you tell me, what's the medium? Because I'm not going to stop drinking. I like this. I like this energy. Well, and you also are, unfortunately or fortunately, you are spreading mad joy to the world with that activity dude right so it's kind of connected in some sort of way but the key is like how do you balance it out and how to like what did we get out of this month and i think we got something out of this

month one thing that we all got is if you are forced to do a hard workout every day your anxiety becomes almost nothing yeah it's the working out? It's fantastic. Not the lack of booze and weed? No, I guarantee you it's the working out. Really? Interesting. It burns out that part of your body that is worried about threats. Like, if you think about the actual

amount of exterior threats that become significant in your life, it's fairly low. But all your life, you're dealing with the fucking news of the world, and and that this guy's got cancer and he's afraid of that and she's afraid of this and everyone's on a medication and there's all this chaos there's just always like this external thing and crime is up and look at all the tents and fucking traffic is oh the fucking global warming and everything's happening and everybody's fucking stressed whether you need to be or not and the only thing that gets you out of that in my experience is something that you have to do that's hard because when things are hard

you can only think about the thing you're doing so whether it's rowing or whether it's riding a fucking airdyne or whether it's doing a kettlebell circuit when it's hard to do you only think about the thing you're doing and it clears your mind when it's hard to do, you only think about the thing you're doing and it clears your mind and it releases your body of a certain amount of pent up anxiety that it associates with physical conflict. Your body associates stress with being attacked by predators, with physical conflict. And if you can burn that out of your system with a workout, it puts you into a more reasonable level of anxiety. I'm much calmer.

I'm much better with it. It's really good for us. It's just hard to do every day like we did it. But because we all did it, we know right now, because we are at the end of it, that it's got wild benefits. It really does. Wild benefits, man. Keep it going through November. I do 500 calories every day. I'm going to do 500 every fucking day. It really does. Wild benefits, man. Keep it going through November. Let's do it.

I do 500 calories every day. I'm going to do 500 every fucking day. That's unrealistic. 500 every day is unrealistic. It's not. What is realistic to you? Three days a week is still hard. No, no, no, no, not for me.

Listen, I think we can all commit. Why don't you commit to five days a week? Five days a week. If we commit to five days a week. Travel days are so hard. Yeah, but that's the whole point. But you did it. You did it already. We all did it. I'm in. I'm in.

It wasn't that hard. It was difficult, right? Seven days a week. It was difficult. It wasn't that hard. If you took just push-ups out, but I mean, you're on a beach somewhere and it's like, ugh, I gotta do an hour right now. Here's the thing about the push-ups.

I wonder if we're ultimately putting ourselves at risk. I think the 500 calories is the most important thing. I think that's the most important thing. The thing about the 100 push-ups is we all did it, but I was getting a weird fucking pain in my elbow. I couldn't hold my phone to my ear. I just keep switching hands. That was in the beginning because you didn't work out at all. So you jumped into it where I was already doing sets of push-ups.

But I wasn't doing 100 every single fucking day. Yeah. But I didn't think you could. And then your body adapts. Like your body realizes, oh, you have to. I guess you have to. You fucking do it every day. Yeah.

And for me, it was like as long as I didn't do long sets. I only did sets of 20. And only one time I did 40. I was like, oh, I could do 40. 75, dude. I thought 40. 75 is did sets of 20. And only one time I did 40. I was like, oh, I could do 40. 75, dude. I thought 40... 75's pretty legit, buddy. I wonder if I warmed up if I could do more. I bet. That's a problem.

Yeah, you could. But I think four or five of the last ones were bullshit. At least four. Yeah, that's kind of... Because you get 32 of mine were pretty legit. I got to some weird spot where I was like, eh, I would call bullshit on that push-up. Interesting enough.

But you realize that your body's capable of more than you ask for. Totally. Your body's capable of much more. You're shocked at what I call bullshit. I wouldn't be shocked at all. I know exactly. You lurk in the back of my mind. You live there.

Let Bert drive you to success. Yeah, if Bert fucking challenges me in any way it just fucking ignites a fury inside of me if we had only got into this on stand up

we'd be so much better oh yeah I'd do seven sets a day I wish I saw your stand up the way I see your exercise can we do that once my exercise is insane do five sets a day

for five days a week what we should do what we should do no no no I got, but it's too we all have families and shit. I think what we do is we do a fucking two week three week run of just

on the road dot dot dot dot dot and get into this and we just go straight. Three weeks in like fucking August. I don't like doing that though. I'm gonna be honest with you. This is the thing that I don't like. I don't like touring for though I'm gonna be honest with you this is the thing that I don't like I don't like touring for long stretches of time that's what kept what's kept me sane over

the years is like I need like for me personally I need like a balance of like being able to think of ideas and being on the road for fun yeah yeah yeah when I do shows I love to do shows around Austin and I love to do shows on the road but I like to do a weekend and I like to come back home because I feel like for me there's like there's a balance that you have to achieve with being a normal person and also being a weekend and I like to come back home. Because I feel like for me there's a balance

that you have to achieve with being a normal person and also being a comic. You need something to draw from. Tom and I feel the same way. That's why he's coming all over Europe and Australia. Changing Glasgow gigs to a massive theater because the first theater sold out. We are the identical opposite.

You and me? Yeah. We go on the road hard as fuck. Yeah. It's too much, though. I would not do what I did again. Yeah. When I talked to you at your book thing in New York, and you were like, I have one week off.

I got offered succession for a week. Now I don't have any time off. It's just like, that seems frustrating. I think this is the wrong way to do it. You're wrong. Okay. You're wrong. You can't say this. You go hard. You go this is the wrong way to do it. You're wrong. Okay. You can't say this. You go hard. You can't say that. You don't have to. We're only alive for a little bit and you get to

fucking fill it up. I like other things too. I like a lot of other things too. And I think it makes my comedy better when I live my life in a way that makes other things interesting too. Yeah.

My take on it is different than your take on it. It doesn't mean your take's wrong. It's just that my take on it, for me— I think it's completely unwise what we're doing. For me, to be mentally healthy, I don't like going on the road for long stretches of time. I only did it one time, and I saw a big benefit in my stand-up. When Charlie Murphy and John Heffron and I did this Maxim tour, 22 dates in a month,

by the end of that 20-second show, you're fucking... You're killing it. Hold on. Can I tell you my flip side of that? Let's hypothetically say we're talking about a comic who gets a Netflix special and only does three weekends

to get ready for a special. Okay? Okay, thank you, Ari. But I feel like if I don't do everything in my capability to get ready for that special, that I'm letting down myself, my family, and everyone else. And I feel like when it comes to stand-up, the one thing I can do good, right? The only thing I can do good, if I don't put everything I have into that, then I'm letting myself down, really. You are in many ways.

Okay. When you're done with that special, you take three months off. Can't. Okay. That's not what you said. I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy. But here's what I'm saying.

Here's what I'm saying. But don't you love the thing? Don't you love baking? If you're a baker, don't you love baking? You're at home. You're living in LA. You can do a set a night. You can do a set a night.

This is my take on creativity, though. I think creativity is like a flexible thing inside your head. And I think you have to put yourself in the states of mind in order to, like, broaden, expand the way you see life. And that enhances your creativity. And for me, that is a lot of shows, but it's also a lot of shows at home. I like to just do sets. Sets are sets. Sets aren't sets.

Especially when you're not the crux inside your audience. But this is my take. Sets aren't sets. That's what he's saying. Sets aren't sets. That's what he's saying is that for him, a set at home is better than a set on the road. It's not necessarily better. It's just the most important thing is your way of looking at the world and that you're

actually doing stand-up. Those are the two, in my opinion. They're paying you to get on a plane. They're not paying you to perform. There's also a benefit to going to different places. There's a benefit to different cities and different vibes and different parts of the world. And there's a benefit to that, too. Yeah.

But the biggest thing is to just, like, always be working on it. Yeah. In some way, shape, or form. So you don't have to do it only on the road. Even fucking listening to- I'm not the guy. I'm not the guy that- Maybe I should have prefaced this with that if I'm home, I do feel like being with my family.

I can do a Tuesday night, but I'm not there Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Oh, yeah. I want to live a life so that for me to go out and be on a tour bus and be on the road, and even if it's doing clubs or doing smaller venues, for me, I'm focused on the thing I love, and that's all I think about i don't think about it and i'm sure it's my daughter there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that approach either it's like everybody's got their own personality and it vibes their own approach to what the fuck we're trying to do but what you're trying to do is just like constantly

crank out really good comedy yeah you know how do you get there yeah how do you how do you get there do you get there by doing 15 minutes around new york city like a tell does because he fucking got there yep i don't know how he's doing it he's a fucking the best he is right so he's doing it that way and then there's other guys that are just on the road doing clubs and you you you go out of your way to see them when they come into town because you want to you know you want to see what the fuck they're up to because they're really good it's there's no there's no right or wrong way to do this can i suggest something please i just want to say it before we get out of here.

I really think, it's on you guys, not on me, that in September we should do some massive shows. Joe and Tom will headline, Bert, can MCL park cars? But let's do some fucking wild, massive shows. Let's do some

sober October shows. Let's do some sober October shows. Let's do them. September is far enough away. September is elk hunting. I got to ask you. You too, I guess, especially. The big one is me. Can you clear September?

I have a week that I'm not clearing out. In September? Yeah, elk hunting season. What week? We'll talk about it. We'll talk about it afterwards. But can we do that? Yeah, we could do something.

I mean, we'll talk about it afterwards. I don't want to put you guys on the spot. We 100% could do something. And we could also do Celebration in November. We could do that too. We could do something. I mean, we'll talk about it afterwards. I don't want to put you guys on the spot. We 100% could do something. And we could also do Celebration in November. We could do that, too. We could do that. We could do some fucking really fun. Because I think, this is the fucking thing, like you get to a certain age, you're supposed

to already figure things out. I don't think that's real. I think you're figuring out life more every single day you're alive. And you could quantify that like, you you're 46 you should have your shit together yeah yeah yeah you should but we're all figuring things out all the time and every time we do these fucking things i come out of them with like a newfound appreciation for our friendship a newfound appreciation for the fun that is to like to have people like you guys that can do something stupid with and we can talk shit to each other and have so much fun. It is fun to do It's so much fun.

It really is. It's fucking so ridiculous. It's so stupid and fun. It's so dumb. And it also ignites this weird fucking fire in all of us. Especially Ari.

The trash talk starts instantly. That video of Ari doing the fucking rower for an hour in my gym in LA. I think about that a lot. A little savage. Is that real?

Fucking 100% real. What do you mean real? What are you talking about? You think Joe's behind me What do you mean real? What are you talking about? You think Joe's behind me pulling me by the stomach? What are you talking about? He's jacked. Look at his six pack. He had a full six pack then.

What do you mean not real? What's wrong with you, Bert? What's the fakeness in that? You think you can do everything. You don't think anybody else can do anything. A rower for an hour is an extensive amount of rowing. A rower for an hour is an extensive amount of rowing. A rower for an hour is an extensive

amount of rowing. Bert, there's video. What's fake there? Look at him there. Videos can be cheated. How is it cheaters don't want behind the video? There's no sweat on you?

There's not pouring down your body? Because I'm not 270,000 pounds. Look at that. It shows his heart rate. It's jacked. Ads are never a problem.

It's Mike's chest. He did it the whole time we were waiting. I was doing my fucking ads. Fuck you,ed. His abs are never a problem. It's Mike's chest. He did it the whole time. Look at his hairline. I was doing my fucking ads. Fuck you, dude. I had to do my ads. Not great. After I did my ads, I came out and Ari was still rolling like a motherfucker.

Look at you. Look at him. Yeah. Every backstroke. Look at those abs, dude. We went legitimately crazy. How legitimately crazy do we go during that month? Competition.

I didn't want to come last. None of us wanted to come last. Can I just be very clear? Hit pause. Hit pause on my... Hit pause. Hold on. Hit pause.

No, no. Hit pause. Hit pause or you get a good luck. That's good. He's been rowing for an hour and there's no sweat dripping off. No, there is sweat. This is iPhone fucking 11. Look at my shiny head.

That's not... Normally, it's full head of hair. He was sweating. Also, we had a... This is conspiracy. Excuse me. Excuse me. Air-conditioned studio, and it's a fan.

It's literally blowing air on you. Do you know how that works? You've never done this? I'm gonna... Bro, these are literally blowing air on him. Garth Brooks, if you see this. It's blowing air on him, Bert. Do you understand how that works?

Every time he rows, it's blowing air. How many have you had? It's an air-conditioned studio. A lot. Remember we went to like Topgolf and we're like how many you drink? Like three like seven doubles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, come on fake What the fuck you talking about dude? Give me my worst one chances. Hold on you two seem a little too... Conspiratorial? Fuck off. This is number one and number two talking. Kill yourself. Number one and number two. All right. Ari's the second biggest psycho. This is number one and number two talking. Kill yourself. Number one. Number one and number two. All right.

I gotta run. I gotta run. No, no, no, no. I gotta go. Give us one second. I gotta go home. We gotta go home. Why? Because I can't.

Because I leave in the morning. I haven't seen the kids much. I want to go see them. Tommy, we love you. Yeah. I love you, Tommy. Okay. We'll talk to you soon.

Okay. It was fun. Congratulations on not being sober. You're the man. Good luck with that shirt. I hope you don't get pulled over in Texas You know one of them? Yeah

I guarantee the cops are listening We're good I think so That's a man who knows his fucking life He has to leave He's got his shit together, kids He's dead inside We're doing the show together tonight

He's dead inside We're doing the show together, right? You make a great point No No, I know He's dead inside I know know what? We're doing the show together, right? You make a great point. No. No, I know. He's dead inside. I know that man better than any of us. He's got to go suck his gardener's dick.

Fuck. I hope he hears this. Were you really letting us in on something or are you just knowing that he can hear us in the lobby? No. I didn't know he could hear us. He can hear us in the lobby. There's a screen on the lobby.

Oh, dude. He's standing in front of the screen right now. Pro tip, they got cameras in the hallway here. Be careful. There's something wrong with Tom that is, I wish I had. I wish I had. You know, he really doesn't give a fuck about either of us, anyone in this room. Incorrect.

Incorrect. He goes out of his way to help promote me. He's really good with his family. Like, I'm not that, like, if you ever told me, like, hey, man. What the fuck are you saying? If you want to do, like, another half hour, and I was like, oh, Mr. Girl's going to bed. I was like, oh, just, it's my career, right? Tom's not that guy.

He legit is going home to see his children go to bed, and I was not that guy. Now, I would argue. He still cares. No, he does care. What do you mean he doesn't care about us? What do you mean by that? He prioritizes you, man. He prioritizes.

I never did that. I needed, you understand this better than I do. I needed a career. You need to understand it. Well, you're not going to get it because you had everything you wanted when you had a family. So you could prioritize your family. You already had success. Yeah, you had success.

When you started dropping seeds. I didn't have success when I had a family. So I'd come here and do a podcast with you and you'd be like, hey, you want to go eat lunch? And I'd be like, yeah, fuck yeah. And then I'd go eat lunch. You can understand this more than maybe Tom, but Tom got success and then had a family, and then now you cannot. He's like, no, I'm going home.

I don't give a fuck. Yeah, no, it's good. He's got the right eye. Look, we did a long podcast with him. It's the right thing to do. It's the best thing in the world. Sure, the most. Well, we the right thing to do. It's the best thing in the world. Shorter than most. We got a show to do, boys.

I will tell you, Tom, when I was running my hour, I asked him, hey, can you come in to the store and give me notes with a few other comics? And he made time. Of course he did. He's the fucking man. He's a good guy. I love him to death. I remember the day I first saw him on stage in 2007 on that Maxim tour.

He went up, and I think he did three minutes. I think he did. What? Three minutes. What? And he went up and I pulled him aside. I go, dude, where are you from?

Where do you live? I go, you're funny. You want to work? Let's go on the road together. Dude, it was so funny when Tom came on the road and he's like, oh, I'll get this. I'll get that. And you're like, no, it's okay. And he's like, wait, what?

And I had to pull him. I had to pull him aside. I was like, oh, dude, you know, the wait what I had to pull him I had to pull him aside like oh, dude You know did the Rogan thing you didn't need to bring your wallet She just needed to bring your ID. What's that? You know what we were talking about this earlier It's so nice to see a dude When you go on the road because I think me and you were probably like this, but you go on the road and you're like So appreciative of the idea you could do stand-up. I think that's old school. I don't even know if that... And I don't mean to be shitty of the dudes

I tour with. I love the dudes I tour with. But there's a new thing where dudes get fame on the internet and you blow them up and then all of a sudden they're like, hey man, I'm also the star. And you're like... Oh, I love seeing openers go, it's me and Bill Burr opening at the thing.

It's like, no it ain't. What are you talking about? It's Bill Burr, motherfucker. It's Bill Burr and his mom. His mom could talk shit about him for 10 minutes. Bill Burr does not need anyone to do stand-up with. Zero people to support him. Yeah, it's that.

And we're like, I get to do on the road. I get to do a show. You and I, we didn't get to do shows on the road. I had a conversation with Bill on the phone the other day, and it was like, God, I miss that dude. Just talking to him, just hearing the way he talks shit about things. We're laughing, and I was like, God, I miss that dude. He's the dude I think I miss the most.

I just see him at the store all the time, constantly. I think I miss him the most. Because everybody else, I see you guys. I see all you guys. I only see him when he comes to Texas. It's like once or twice a year. i i really miss seeing him around the store because he's like a tortured guy but he's so fucking brilliant funny with it and he's such a good person he's a good person like you hug that guy that's a real hug you know it's just like the cool thing about podcasts is

there's an excuse to see your friends comedy Comedy is a fucking weird thing, man. And so many of us get entangled together in comedy. You know, entangled in careers, entangled in... It's like even Marin, who I would never... Like, we never hang out at the store. When you do a podcast with him, it's like... Still a good guy. It's cool to catch up with him, you know?

He's a fucking mess, but if I saw him on the airport, I'd give him a hug. He'd be like, hey, what are you doing? I've met him at the airport before and i was like dude we're like it's like stanhope said it's like you guys fuck off with this infighting it's a comic and you're not it's it's it the problem is like it's normal to say those things it's totally normal to say those things the problem is when you're saying those things online right right right it's like it's the same thing no platform you're on don't say publicly. It's the same as saying those things. It's normal to say those things. And it's normal.

It doesn't even bother me. But when you're saying it online, then you're bringing all these other people in to cheer with you or fight against you. It's hard because your ego gets involved. You've got to know what conflict is and why it's not only not necessary, but should be avoided whenever possible. And if you're not avoiding it, if you're like wading into it, conflict constantly, you should look at yourself a little bit. I will agree with that as someone who has done it and regrets it. Don't do it.

When did you do it that you regretted it? I mean, nah. Wait, never mind. You didn't regret it. Yeah, I've always regretted it. You don't talk shit about your friends. It feels terrible. Don't talk shit about your friends. It feels terrible. Don't talk shit about your not friends.

There's an impulsive thing that people have to say things that are outrageous. And sometimes we get rewarded for that. And so we'll say things that are outrageous. And we don't think about the consequences of saying those things. We're not saying those things because we're bad. We're saying those things because you're taking a chance at an idea. And sometimes you're saying it about a friend. And you're fucking hurting their feelings

you don't mean to. You like thought it was funny. I thought it was funny. And they're like, fuck you, man. And you're like, shit. And you can't take it back. And you just were having fun. And if you were just alone, he said that,

they might think it's funny. Trash talk behind someone's back is fine. That's part of being a friend. The problem is like, if you forget that that's not just those people there, you're bringing the whole world into it. You feel like you're just talking to friends. I wouldn't want someone hearing this.

You should avoid conflict that is unnecessary. Even if you have a disagreement with someone, don't concentrate on that. Concentrate on the fun shit. We're so fucking lucky. We're so lucky. I see the shows you're doing. I see the shows you're doing. I see the shows you're doing. I see your special that you

just filmed. It's on YouTube. It's right now. Ari Shafir Chu. It's available. Go right now. Right now to YouTube. So you decided not to go on everyone's channel? They wouldn't allow it. Yeah, you can't have two for the kids of it. It was a great

idea. Have everyone post it. Yeah, it'd get flagged. YouTube was like, nah, you can't have duplicates of it that you know it was a great idea Have everyone post it yeah to get flat YouTube was like now I can't do that just so you know I committed you did yeah, you did you said I'll do it for you Yeah, I would have done it too, but it's it's one of those things where it's like you do want to get all that Traffic to your site more important thing, but the more important thing is get your friends to send people to it Yeah, okay, but the Twitter links are the even more important Twitter links and like an Instagram post is even more important thing is get your friends to send people to it. Yeah, I'll get that too. But the Twitter links are even more important. Twitter links and an Instagram post is even more important because then people go to your page. I would like – So if other people are amplifying, go to his page.

That's better. Yeah. I would like every one of Joe Rogan's 380 million listeners to just go to YouTube right now and look up my new special, Ari Shafir Jew. It's online right now. I'm giving it a gift to all of now. Look up my new special, Ari Shafir Jew. It's online right now. I'm giving it a gift to all of you. It's up right now? It's up right now.

How many subscribers do you have on your Instagram? 130,000. On Instagram? No, no. On Instagram, like 500. 1,000. 1,000.

1,000. 1,000. You gained 1,000 since the last time you checked, motherfucker. Ballin', son. 1,000. Instagram's like 4,500.

But yeah, guys, just go look. I'm giving it as a gift to all of you. Just go on there and fucking enjoy yourself. Watch it with your family. Joy to the world. You're one of the funniest dudes I know, Ari. And you know I don't say that lightly. Thanks, bud.

I really don't. I would never say that. Are you going to bring this back to getting drugged? Because if you do, I'm going to leave. He's not. He's not. Maybe he is. I don't know.

What were you going to say? I love you. I'm proud of you. I think it's time for your due, man. I think that not enough people know how funny you are. I'm being serious when I say that. I think I'm pretty fucked up. And your message to Garth Brooks?

What does this have nothing to do on his fucking podcast? What the fuck is Garth Brooks going to do? It's going to help Garth. It's going to get those fucking monsters off his tail. No blow everyone up.

If Garth comes here and then Tom and Christina Why doesn't Garth just come here? He should. Garth, come on. I'll call him up if Garth comes here and then Tom and Christina Why doesn't Garth just come here? You should. Garth, come on. I'll call them up. They'll do it.

That's what Garth will do. Me and Garth for 20 minutes. You'll be the arbitrator. I'm not saying I know everything. But the thing is Tom and Christina really are good people.

Garth Brooks, if you're listening, Tom's gone. I have no reason to blow a smoke up his ass. Tom's a great guy. They're the best people. Christina shit showers.

This is just a thing that got out of hand. This is just a thing that got out of hand. Tom's a great guy. They're the best people. Christina shit showers. This is just a thing. This is just a thing that got out of hand. She's admitted, dude. She shits and then goes to the shower and wipes it off that way. She's real,

is what I'm saying. Oh, what are you supposed to do? Wipe, I guess. Like a loser? But a lot of people shit shower shave. It's not like shower shit. Thank you.

Let's go back to the Garth Brooks thing. Jesus Christ, we're getting off topic, guys. Shit shower shave. Way to up it. I think not like a shower shave. Thank you. Let's go back to the Garth Brooks thing. Jesus Christ, we're getting off topic, guys. Shower shave. Way to up it. I think that's a normal thing. Yes, I am. Garth Brooks is a great guy.

And Garth, if you're listening. I bet he's a great guy. Or he could be a serial killer. There's a lot of evidence. Garth, I'm kidding. I don't mean to do this to you. Garth. Garth.

I'm a fan. Like, I really did. That moment really did happen in Ohio. I forget what the university was that I did but the kids that worked there

they all took me out we all went to that bar and I got friends and I remember thinking what a great fucking song this guy this guy created

like an anthem that people can he literally enhances your experience having a couple of cocktails with friends he's the best

sure sure Bert and I went to Calgary Stampede with O'Neal and who else went? Kathleen? Kathleen. Is that it? Does he have his stuff on Spotify?

Oh, no, no. Fucking, I'm not going to say, I'm not going to do it the right way. No, no, no. Young dude who is Rachel's, Wolfenstein's boyfriend. Matt Edgar. Matt Edgar. And Stampede is just a giant rodeo. Trash.

Calgary. Yeah. Yeah. And when Garth Brooks played any one of those tents, it was fucking odd. Of course. Yeah.

Dude, that's a whole different world. That country world's a whole different world. I wonder if I can get you. There's people that have gigantic audiences you never even fucking heard of. Dude, Zach Brown.

Oh, he's huge. Legit. Dude, that song about we're all fishing in the same pond, it's just about forgiveness, and right side, left side doesn't matter. It goes, we're all fishing from the same boat, fishing in the same bond. Yeah.

It's just such a good fucking song, good theme. Is that on Spotify, Jamie? It's on Spotify. Can we close it out with that song? No. What do you want to close it out with? Not a redneck song? No, that's a great song, dude.

That's a great song. I love that song. What makes you want to drink harder? Something that makes you want to drink harder? That's a great song. How about a whole lot of Rosie? We'll all drink it together. No, no, no, no, no, no.

What? Black Skinhead by Kanye West. ACDC? Oh, how about a Kanye song? How about a whole lot of Rosie? Kanye West, Black Skinhead. Kanye is unfortunately banned from all of Spotify. I just listened to him on Spotify.

All of social media and all of- I just listened to him on Spotify. All of Zionist control. Guys, I gave my special to you for free. If you want to throw a couple shekels at me, the link is on there. YouTube.com forward slash Ari Shafir. They can donate. Absolutely, like legitimately your best work.

I'm proud of you. I'm really legitimately proud of you. The amount of work you put into it was very inspiring. It was fucking cool to watch. You fucking nailed it. And I'm so happy. And what you showed me in the clip, it looks amazing too. I love the candles behind you.

It's fucking, it's an amazing set. Set was amazing. Lauren Helmer, shout out. You're the man. What is this? Friends in low places. Blame it on my roots. Are we allowed to play this? I in Low Places. Can you play that? Are we allowed to play this?

If you ruin it with your voice over it, I think we can still do it. Is that him or is that like a cover band? That's it. It's on YouTube. It's a good song. It's a great song. It's so slow and meaningful. Yeah, keep talking over it and then we can end it. As long as we keep talking over it, I think we're good. You can't hear it. It's a great song. It's so slow and meaningful. Yeah, keep talking over it

and then we can end it. As long as we keep talking over it, I think we're good. You can't hear it. Yeah, you can barely hear it. I wonder if the sensors will pick it up. Garth.

I'm in it. I'm in it. I'm in it. It's our world. This is a tribute, Garth. We're putting this on because we love you. You can blame

quite a lot of friends in low places. Tom Segura and Christina Pazinski, they're in low places. And they're your friends. Tom Segura and Christina Pazitsky are your friends. Garth, don't be scared of the truth, Garth. I got friends in low places.

And the Jew chases. I got from. Ari Shafir. It's youtube.com forward slash Ari Shafir. Go on there right now, everybody. Don't even wait. Just go on there and click on it. Go on there right now and just wait.

You know, just you should fast. Everyone should fast a little anyway. So fast until it comes out. It's out right now. It might be out right now. Good night, everybody. I love you. God bless America.

God bless America.