The Joe Rogan Experience - #19 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: May 4, 2010

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

Bam! Bam! Alright, we're live, ladies and gentlemen, with a whole new setup. Uh, yeah, yeah, we're late. Listen, man. I'm very irresponsible. You know what's gonna be really cool is when we get something right back here. That's the next step. We're trying to figure out what to put right back there. Most likely it's gonna be a green screen, because I'm looking at this right now,

I'm like, how dope would it be if we were in fucking space right now? Yeah, we could have, like, Captain Kirk-like shit behind us. Also, if we wanted to. But we have a real desk. We have real microphones now. So the iPhone version and iPad and whatever the fuck you use, MP3, is going to be much better, much clearer.

And we're fucking fired up. We are not sponsored by Starbucks. This is just coincidence that we happen fucking fired up. We are not sponsored by Starbucks. This is just coincidence that we happen to have that. But we have had an offer for our very first sponsor and it is the Fleshlight. Awesome.

I got something funny to tell you, Joe, by the way. Hold on a second. We got to tell people. All right. So the Fleshlight is, if you don't know what it is, if you're not an online type person, it's a very famous device that you can fuck.

And one of the reasons why it's famous is because it's supposed to feel really good. It's supposed to feel like way better than your hand. Yeah. And the other reason is that there was that thing that was online, like I accidentally, the whole flashlight. What was that? It's a guy pranking uh I think it was a customer service rep that uh saying only is something like he is a flashlight or something

like it was really bad I accidentally the whole flashlight yeah yeah it was like lol cat yeah well this guy I never watched that or heard that thing or remember it but I do remember that that flashlight thing got stuck in my head yeah because of that yeah because everybody kept saying it and uh it just it's it's like one of those things where like you know you hear about it so often on the internet just because of that so when they contacted me i was like wow that's kind of cool then when he told me that he sponsored uh um kevin smith's podcast i'm like wow that's super cool like he's gonna do our podcast and kevin smith's podcast that sounds fucking badass, wow, that's super cool. He's going to do our podcast and Kevin Smith's podcast? That sounds fucking badass.

And then we met the dude and Chris was a super cool guy and just a real chill dude that you could hang with, like a normal guy. And he was really kind of a spiritual guy too, which is kind of interesting because we were talking about the porn side and how porn is kind of gross. There's a lot

of porn now that you don't really necessarily want to be associated with. He was either really good at his job researching you because he seemed like your long-lost brother. Because he was pulling out documentaries you didn't even know about. Books that I didn't know about. It was the weird – like you guys would be – if you guys were gay, you'd be perfect. Perfect lovers. Perfect lovers, yeah.

Yeah, he was a real bright guy, man. We talked about Miyamoto Musashi. We talked about different schools of philosophy, different books that he's read. Yes. Different volcanoes. He knew about some super volcanoes exploding in the past that I didn't even know about. Right. We've got to get him on the show for sure.

Yes, definitely. Unfortunately, he lives in Austin. But the next time we're in Austin, we we'll do is we'll bring our equipment and everything and set up in Austin. Or we can move there. I fucked up. I fucked up moving to Colorado for a bunch of reasons. One, because Mrs. Rogan can't fucking drive in the snow,

which is just not good. And if you know Mrs. Rogan, that's not something that I'm going to be comfortable with her learning really quickly. That doesn't seem like a good move just fucking moving where it freezes and shit gets dangerous and sliding the trees and shit and then when the dog when the dog got eaten by the mountain lion that like that killed it yeah otherwise austin would have been great and if i anyway the point is if austin was great we would definitely hang around with chris totally

but what's funny is he gave he gave us a sample so we can feel and touch it of the Fleshlight. And the Fleshlight uses patented rubber technology. They have a patent on this shit. Yeah, it's a very specific type of insert. The mushy, squishy stuff is their own proprietary blend. Yeah, and it's like you think in your head, like, oh, I'm sure it feels like rubber and oil. Like it's just going to feel like really soft rubber. This actually is kind of creepy to feel.

He gave us a sample. What he did is he took a couple of fleshlights and he cut it in half just so we can feel the actual rubber part. And then at the end of our dinner... It doesn't really feel like pussy, though. It feels soft. It feels really good. That's not even lubed up, though. No, it's not even lubed up.

He gave us these samples. It's too mushy.'s like a pushy that's sick well because it's usually in a can it's usually it's got some bone behind it you want like oh but wouldn't would that make it more compact yeah yeah because you have like a wall right now we actually have a box of them yeah so anyways he gave us these samples just to feel them and we left them on the table and i'm like you're not going to take that? And he's like, oh, you know, it's just trash. Just so you can feel. I'm like, you know what, I'm going to take it.

So I took the samples and I had it there in a bag. And the other day I decided when no one was around that I would try to fuck one of the samples, but it was only half of it. So I had to use both of them, one for the bottom and one for the top. And so I was doing the left hand and the right hand. Like left hand was the left sample. The right was the right sample. I'm like, wait a second. Fleshlight Company, you need something like that.

Because I had like two different hand jobs going on. I had one with a different texture on the top. You're going to be jerking yourself off with two hands? Yeah, like you're milking a cow. Well, how are you working the balls? No, I put the balls in the bottom one. I wrapped it around the bottom one. You wrapped your balls

around the bottom one? How fucking small are your balls? Oh, they're very, very small. But I was doing both of them. I eat a lot of edamame.

Remember? Edamame will shrink your balls and make you cry. But anyways, it felt really real. I only had hot water for lube,

but it felt really good. Why didn't you use shampoo or something? Because it's supposed to be a water-based oil. So it felt good for even just being samples outside of its cocoon and everything. It wasn't even in the can or anything. So I can't wait to fuck one of these things. Is this one of them right now?

Yeah, these are the ones right now. But this is not without some controversy. This is actually going to be really loud for these people to be listening to the iPods while fed as softly as possible. And we'll only do it once so it's not annoying. This is actually going to be really loud for these people to be listening to the iPod. I'll try to be as softly as possible. We'll only do it once so it's not annoying. This is apparently the Fleshlight. Wow, it comes in a nice packaging.

Are you going to do an unboxing video for us, Joe? Yes, we'll do an unboxing of the Fleshlight. Let's see what we've got here. Now, this is not without some controversy, and this is where it gets strange um my manager um is very very upset with me yeah and does not think that the fleshlight is a good thing to have for a sponsor and uh i was surprised by that very surprised yeah because they were like really adamant about it they like, you could be up for some sort of a show. CBS. And they find out that you have the fleshlight on your podcast.

That you're sponsored by a thing. Not just that you have an opinion about a thing. They were saying that the big deal is that you are sponsored by this thing. And because you're sponsored by this thing, somehow or another that makes you like... What does that make you? A bad person? Yeah, it's because you don't by this thing, somehow or another that makes you like, what does that make you? A bad person? Yeah, it's because you don't masturbate with your hand. Yeah, you're a bad person because you prefer to masturbate with the rubber vagina?

Right. Like really? That's like old school, like you know. It's crazy talk. Right. Like it's crazy the idea that you don't masturbate. If you don't masturbate, what's wrong with you? Like it's a great, feels good, okay first of all. all two it's a great way of getting a release like a sexual

release so it's not built up it's not annoying you all day because if you're not getting laid okay and a lot of us aren't if you're not getting laid and you don't jerk off you're gonna go fucking bananas right yeah that's that's a fact it's totally true so what is this some sort of a leftover puritanical yeah don't show Yeah, don't show your ankles. Don't show your ankles. Yeah. Technology. Put fucking, put dresses over the legs of chairs.

Yeah. You ever seen those buildings where they put, or those old furniture from like, I don't know what year it was. Right. It was way, way, way back in the Victorian era, I guess. Yeah. Where they would literally put dresses around the legs of chairs. Lace.

Like laces. Jesus Christ. So that people don't get excited by fucking chairs. But it was like bras. You remember going to your grandmother's house and seeing like that old white croquet like table. What was it called? It was kind of like a white lacy.

You know, old people. Doilies. Is that what it is? Doily? I don't think it's the same thing. I don't think. Oh, look at you. You're doing a netty bra right now, you fuck.

That's you. Fuck. I'm doing a netty bra. How, you fuck. That's you, fuck. I'm doing Eddie Bravo. How dare I? My shit's on airplane mode. I thought, well, I'm going to put mine on airplane mode. So, yeah, so they used to put doilies type shit on furniture that was almost like lace of a bra to cover up the ankles of a chair or a leg of a table. Fucking crazier people.

How fucking crazy are people? leg of a table. Fucking crazier people. How fucking crazier people and how crazy is it that me of all people like all the shit that I've talked about from fucking DMT

to the fact that I think the government killed Kennedy and the same people are probably in power and giant fucking corporations control the world. You have a video of you and me watching

two girls in one cup and then you showing no you gotta watch a video of a guy chopping off their dick, but yet you can't masturbate. That's okay, but masturbation is terrible. It makes no sense at all. Of all the shit that I've put out on the internet, I try to be as honest as possible. And I try to put out as much on the internet about things that I'm interested in. I don't care if you think I'm crazy. I don't care if you think it's inappropriate. I don't care if you think it's inappropriate.

Look, I'm just curious about this certain subject. Here it is. Whether it's on my message board or whether we're talking about it on this podcast or whether we put it on Twitter. If I find something I think it's interesting, I'm going to be honest about it. Why is that a fucking bad thing?

And why is the idea of me fucking this rubber flashlight? Why is that a bad thing? I mean, what... Because I don't think middle America wants to think of you masturbating. And then if that gets thrown in their face... Is that what it is? Yeah, because you're not supposed to have... Are we throwing it in their face?

You're not supposed to have sex, Joe. So that's what it is. When you don't want people to see people having sex or talking about sex too much. And if you endorse sex with yourself, that's a bad thing? I don't want people to see people having sex or talking about sex too much. And if you endorse sex with yourself, that's a bad thing? I don't know. To me, it's like you can't marry that. Well, the crazy thing is they said, the manager said, that one of the things they were talking about was the fact that this is in the pornography industry.

That's what they said. It's the pornography industry? Yeah, that it's pornography. And I said, how is it involved in the pornography yeah that it's pornography and i said how is it involved in pornography industry it's like it's like it's just a rubber vagina they're like well when you use it you watch pornography so that was an actual argument so so like how come you can't do it you can't you do it with your imagination it has to involve pornography joe how many how many documentaries have you done on dmt and drugs? So the drug industry is okay, but the porn industry, the Janet Jackson nipple industry is just out of control. Insane.

Why? I don't know what you just said. You might be able to be a little bit too high to talk right now, young man. No, I'm saying how many documentaries have you done about drugs? I've done a couple documentaries on drugs. All right, so the drug industry to your managers, fine. No, the drug industry is not really an industry. The idea is that a documentary is different because it's just your opinion on a certain subject,

whereas this is an endorsement. That's the argument. Endorsement. Endorsement. So if you were endorsed by marijuana, it would probably be bad too. Marijuana is illegal. You are endorsed by marijuana. I am endorsed by marijuana.

Marijuana actually not only sponsors this show, it writes most of the material and causes most of the things to happen. He's the producer. Marijuana is the secret producer. Trainw the things to happen. He's the producer. Marijuana is the secret producer. Trainwreck is the producer. Trainwreck, this week it was Green Crack. Green Crack. Executive producer. Secret executive producer of this show this week. Yeah, no shit. So this is

a real argument right now. The real argument is that if I endorse this thing that somehow or another it would be a bad thing. Look at the packaging on it. I think that's the butthole. Is that a butt? Maybe that's the vagina. Wow.

It is super tight. Can I feel it? No. Let me just touch it. Give me one to have. Fucking weirdo. I want one to have. Do you have a Lupe one?

They have a Lupe. If you guys know Lupe, she was on the Howard Stern show. This is like Christmas. Listen to this anal motherfucker. Clear the table of all the junk Listen This is way less annoying

Than the way I used to have it set up Yeah there's some junk on the table How about this I'll take this down Move this out of the way Will that help you It does look a little better If I do that

How about that I'm cleaning up for you guys That's the difference Between the Ustream crowd And the The iPhone iPad iPod crowd

So that's the fleshlight fella Fuck it Enjoy it I got the stamina training between the Ustream crowd and the iPhone, iPad, iPod crowd. So that's the Fleshlight, fellow. Fuck it, enjoy it. Oh, I got the stamina training unit. Did you? Yeah, that's to practice to be longer in bed. It says, every man knows the only way to get better is to practice. If you can last 10 minutes in the unit, you can last 20 minutes in bed with anyone. Wow.

That's bold. That's strong words that was one of the things that this guy was telling us which one of the more fascinating things about this whole thing was uh the actual therapeutic applications of the fleshlight and this sounds like nonsense sounds like someone's just justifying trying to fuck a rubber pussy but no what they use them for a bunch of different therapeutic reasons and one of them is uh people in certain religions aren't allowed to touch their penis and because they're not allowed to touch their penis these guys he said that hisidic jews in particular actually have a hard time um orgasming when they have sex with women because they're so used to like fucking pillows

because they do most of their masturbation like grabbing a sheet or grabbing a pillow. This is his words, not mine. This could be totally nonsense. I don't know. I have not researched this at all. That's my caveat. But he said that the fleshlight is actually covered by some insurance policies as therapy, as sexual therapy to get them to learn how to orgasm with a vagina instead of fucking like some rough pillow so i don't know i have not validated this i don't know it makes sense to me it totally makes sense

to me and the other reason um for the fresh fleshlight is it trains guys not to prematurely ejaculate and guys who have problems with premature ejaculation they can practice in the fleshlight that's the idea you're supposed to take this tube out. Oh, that doesn't feel good. There's a plastic hard-ass tube in there. Don't get too crazy. Don't pull your dick outside. I'll fucking panic.

So, I don't think there's any... Look, obviously we all masturbate. It's silly at this point in this stage of life to deny that. It doesn't make any sense. It's dumb. So, if we all masturbate. It's silly at this point in this stage of life to deny that. It doesn't make any sense. It's dumb. So if we all masturbate, what's wrong with this thing? What's wrong with this? You know what's great? I do

things like smoke cigarettes. I used to smoke cigarettes in the car and it's out of a boredom of my hand. I think therapeutically I could put this in my car and instead of smoking a cigarette, just finger it because it feels so good. I mean, don't touch mine, but feel your own. I mean, that's something to do with my hand.

Like, that feels good. That feels like I'm playing with one of those stress balls, but it actually feels like I'm 10% woman doing it. Wow. 10% strong numbers. That's strong numbers, son. I think there is a lot of things like that, because there was something else he was saying about people,

like, a lot of medical reasons. What was something else that he said besides that religion? There was like doctors that would use it for – Well, we already covered that. Doctors use it for premature ejaculation and for religions that don't masturbate. You're way too high to be talking right now, son. I was busy with my lady. Here, he's blasted.

The scene is distracted. That's why I tried to keep the iPad away from him. I told you I took one too many hits today. He did take one too many. He went over the deep end, ladies and gentlemen. You're peeing outside. It's my fault. So what I don't understand, and I definitely want to hear from you guys.

Just let me know on Twitter, Joe Rogan. Just my name now, Joe Rogan. It used to be D-O-T-N-E-T dot net because some dude cyber squatted on my name. But I got it back. Thank you very much, Twitter. My account got verified and all that shit. But I want to know, do you think it's ridiculous? Because I think it's ridiculous.

And is there really a bunch of you out there that would not want to see something that I'm doing, whatever the fuck it is, because you know that I support rubber pussies? Like, is it possible that that could cost somebody business? know that I support rubber pussies? Like, is it possible that that could cost somebody business? I mean, in this day and age when the fucking Pope, okay, is not being brought to justice for shielding child molesters, you're really going to get upset at me if I endorse a rubber pussy? I mean, the Pope is endorsed by the goddamn presidents of every goddamn country in the world. And this guy shielded, shielded pedophiles. I mean it's a fact he did he's he's a part of the problem with the catholic church that motherfucker is accepted everywhere but i'll be a bat am i comparing myself to the pope i guess i am folks i just fucking i did i don't know why there's some

grandi grandiose illusions of grandeur in my head i connect my it's because i've always wanted to wear a dope ass robe show show up for work dressed like a Merlin. But I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating. Obviously, you don't either. We all do it. I don't think there's anything wrong with a product that makes masturbation easier or better. And that's what it is.

I support it. So I'm not going to listen to my managers. I'm going to tell them to go fuck themselves. But I love them. He made an awesome point. Women and their dildos and their vibrators, that's almost when people get married at bachelor parties and stuff, that's like a joke.

And that's their toy. Guys have never really had any real legit toys. It's true. This is the first one. Yeah, it actually makes sense. Instead of using your hand, why don't you use something that feels 100 times better? Yeah, that is the first one. That actually makes sense. Instead of using your hand, why don't you use something that feels a hundred times better? Yeah, that is the argument.

I can't wait to fuck it and I'm going to get a cantaloupe, put it in the microwave, put a little hole in it and warm it up a little. I'm going to fuck that first, wait a half hour, and then fuck this and see which one's better. A cantaloupe is your move, right? You've done that before. I've done it before. It's great because after you fuck it, you can totally eat it still. You just wash it out. Don't eat the layer. You've it out. Don't eat the layer.

Don't eat, yeah. You've done it? Don't eat the layer. I don't know how rude someone called me during my fucking podcast. I would shut that off if I knew where it was.

Please shut... All from Jeff Sussman. Yeah, Jeff Sussman Management. That's what it is. They're listening to the podcast right now like, hey man, let's not talk about this man.

Yeah. Let's not put this out there. Dude, what if he is angry? That's funny that you're managers. That's cool. Look, it stopped because you started talking about it. No, just listen. That's hilarious.

It's hilarious they called right when we're talking about it. I know. You know, I see what they're saying. They're trying to protect me from like, you know, if I had to do a show like Fear Factor or something like that, maybe that could be a problem. Yeah, but you're talking about fucking horse's dicks. Yeah, I feel like you've got to take me as I am.

You know, I'm not a bad guy. Whenever you're ever to say this. And I don't want to do a Fear Factor again. I really don't. I mean, it's so tempting not to for the money, but I've got to do something more interesting. I've got to do shit that I like doing because I have so much more fun. So it's almost like getting in bed with the flashlight. It's like protects me from doing anything stupid that I know I'll do for money. You know, it's just so easy when something like fear factor comes along and they're like, Hey,

we're going to give you all this money every week. And all you have to do is just show up and watch people, you know, do stupid shit. You're like, fuck, it's so easy to get that money. It's so difficult, but you've got to pass on it. You really do. It was good that I did it, but at a certain point in time, you have to pass on doing those things. If you don't, you're just going to be bitter. You're talking about, by the way, you're talking about old TV while you're doing new TV. Yeah. Well, this is way easier. Look, we could have never had a fucking show like this that reaches as many people as this thing does,

including the podcast on iTunes and this thing on Ustream. And there's no fucking way we could have ever gotten someone to agree to let us practice a TV show. This is what we're going to do. We're going to start off just fucking around with boxes of shit behind me, piled up on the desk. And then eventually we're going to move on to like

trying to have like a real show with like a desk and real microphones. And the sound is much better. We got to look at a top end MP3 recorder. And then the next thing we got Ustream producer. We're going to have high def cameras in here. And eventually we're going to figure out how to do it all through a TriCaster so that we can have a background and we'll put a green screen out behind us. We never thought that this was going to happen. This is just a goof. And this is not that this is any big deal, like that this could have happened. But that it's this easy and this fun and people would enjoy it this much, I could have never done this on television.

They would have never let me. And if they did, they would never let me just do it the way we did it, just wing it and talk about whatever. For the first fucking ten weeks. We didn't even have planned what we're going to talk about. We would just get in there, turn it on and just talk about it. You know? So I completely lost what the fuck I was talking about. I completely lost what I was saying. My, I know what my point is. My point is that this is new TV and you're right. And, uh, it protects me really if i do something like the flashlight or any any of the ridiculous shit i do it protects me from doing any dumb

fear factor type shit in the future it's so funny because there is a pretty direct line on the old tv where the new tv is mixing with the old tv right now i was watching family guy and the episode involved a dog licking out a baby's asshole. But it was on, the last episode had that. Where Brian the dog ate out Stewie's asshole and cleaned shit off his ass. How is that possible? And we're talking about masturbating, having a problem with masturbating. Wow. That's incredible.

I have to see that episode. Oh, dude. It's the best episode. Download last episode of Family Guy they're trapped in a bank a bank vault or something like that

and it is so fucking ridiculous the shit that they get away with on regular prime time television and we're talking about fucking a rubber thing

yeah I think when you're as successful as they are or as successful as South Park is you basically can do whatever the fuck you want because people want to be on your show.

You know, advertisers rather. Right. They want to advertise on your show. I mean, your show is gigantic. South Park has just got such a loyal legion of followers that at this point in time, until the Muhammad thing, they pretty much got away with doing almost anything they wanted for a long time. That's crazy about the Muhammad thing because in New York City, they just captured the guy, the bomber, and there's a connection that people are starting to make

between a Republican senator or something like that that they think there might be a connection between the two, but they haven't proved anything yet. Well, you know, I mean, that's a good thing to speculate automatically that there might be a connection,

but yeah, who the fuck knows? What if there was, man? What if there was? Pretty ridiculous. Listen, man, people are that dumb dumb there are people that really do believe that you're not supposed to make fun of them at all and if you do you're supposed to die like that they are though that's the worst example of human beings in the world and the problem with the middle east and this is what i've always talked about i've talked about as a joke in my act but it really is kind of true yeah one of the reasons why they they're they're so arcane in their ways we're doing trying to adjust the sound

one of the reasons why they're so arcane in their ways is that that's where culture like began the oldest known civilization that we know of is sumer and that's where iraq is so basically like the people that are still in that area are like the townies of the world. I mean, they're really stuck on some fucking Multi-thousand-year-old shit and us being in America and it's not that America is better than other countries But the one advantage that America has is that we're the most recent country So we're all from somewhere that sucked Every one of us here is we came from somewhere that sucked or answers came from somewhere that sucked. Every one of us here is, we came from somewhere that sucked, or our ancestors came from somewhere that sucked, and they congregated

to this one place to get the most fresh ideas, supposedly. To be the most progressive. Because they're at the furthest ahead of the curve. But people in the Middle East, that's the furthest, that's the beginning point of the curve. They really are the fucking townies of the world.

And that's why there's the problem with this fucking cartoon thing. Is that these motherfuckers really do believe that there's some magical motherfucker that you're not supposed to draw. I mean, it's bananas. You know, that is the enemy of evolution.

This ancient ideology, this multi, this fucking ridiculous idea that somehow or another, several thousand years ago, they had it wired. They had it figured out back then, even though they didn't know jack shit about medicine, about the constellations. They didn't know anything, but they had it wired. They knew. They knew what was going on. What the fuck are you talking about? going on. What the fuck are you talking about? It's ridiculous. The fact that there's people willing

to die for that. That in 2010 that is still rocking. It is amazing. It's amazing. Yeah. Tom Cruise is the same way too. Dude, personally I think that the scariest thing is not even

the Middle East. I don't think the scariest thing in this world is that ideology. I don't think the scariest thing in this world is that ideology. I think that's very scary. But to me, what's scarier is what's happening in Mexico and the fact that Mexico is connected to us. And Mexico is the middle of gigantic gang wars between the police and these gang cartels that have fucking billions of dollars. These guys have insane amounts of money because that's the only way you can make money. So it's basically like, I mean, that's not the only way you can make money in Mexico. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying, you know, they're totally

illegal to sell cocaine. It has to be sold illegal. You can't sell it legally. You can't regulate it and tax it. You can't do anything with it. You have to sell it illegally. So people are going to buy cocaine. They're going to buy cocaine from Mexico and there's someone's going to get that money. Who the fuck's going to get that money. Who the fuck's going to get that money? Well, these drug lords have all that money and now they're more powerful than the police. And they've got U.S. troops

that are going in there now and fucking helping out. I mean, it's bananas down there, dude. They're fucking warring in the streets with tanks. What's bananas is people are still going there for vacations. It's so crazy. They just had a report

how like the last spring break that was still one of the hot spots for people to go for spring break. If they were Muslims, we'd be fucked. Okay? The fact that they're

Christians and they're not into blowing themselves up for, you know, for Jesus, they're into, you know, I mean,

what's going on is it's a lot of money and a lot of influence and a lot of people that, you know, get illegal money and they're dominating the actual political system over there. And as many as they try to raid, there's so many more

of them. It's such a fucking hard fight because they let them like dig in and get infested. There's just so many fucking gigantic cartels with just tons and tons of money and guns. It's so frightening. But if they like, if they were the enemy, if that was like Muslim, I mean, if we, if I like, if like that was like muslim i mean if we like if like pakistan was right next door to us and this shit was going down it would be even scarier you know it really would yeah because for some reason the mexicans aren't blaming the americans it's really interesting it's like mexican people are pretty proud people and that they're not blaming a lot of what's going on a lot of family here that's why they're not going to fuck with

half of their families. Well, it's also, I mean, it's really clear what happened. They wanted, Mexico wanted to make drugs legal. They wanted to decriminalize them and make them legal. And make it so that people can sell them and tax them. And the United States said, no fucking way. Like, no way. And if you don't have laws and, you know, you're involved in a business like selling drugs, you're going to have criminals.

Because even when you have laws, we have things like pharmaceutical companies. I mean, pharmaceutical companies are basically legal drug dealers. And they're dealing shit that kills motherfuckers every day. There's always people dropping off from Vicodin and Percocet. I remember when I got my nose fixed, when I got my deviated septum operated on, the doctor gave me two, a Valium, no, it was a Vicodin and Percocet. He gave me a prescription for both. And I looked at him, I'm like, man, this stuff is bad for you. Like, how bad is this going to fucking hurt? It's going to hurt way more than it hurts right now. I'd rather just deal with like it being annoying than get hooked on some crazy fucking pharmaceutical

pills that like addict you like what like 30 percent of the time how many people get addicted to vicodins oh like tons fuck loads they give those things out like candy well right after i decided not to accept the prescription a study came out showing that the the fda food and drug administration they're they're going to uh to recommend recommend cutting way back on prescriptions. And they recommend that doctors do not prescribe them because of liver damage and because of addiction. Oh, I have probably four half-full bottles of Vicodin laying around,

just from going to the dentist. Do they talk to you sometimes? Huh? Do they talk to you? The Vicodin bottles? Yeah. Only when I sleep. Like in the middle of the night.

I wake up and they're combing my hair. You go, dude, you're really stressed right now. You know it would feel better? Actually, I hate Vicodin. only when i sleep like in the middle of the night i wake up and they're calming my hair you're really stressed right now you know actually i hate you me up man i hate i hate feeling i just feel gross when i do vicodin i've only done vicodin once uh when i had my first knee operation i've had three knee operations two acl reconstructions one meniscus surgery and uh the the first time i had the ACL done, it was pretty painful because they did what's called a patella tendon graft. I have this scar that goes from here to here. And what they do is they take a chunk of bone out of your knee and a chunk of bone out of your shin, and they cut this big tendon,

they cut a slice of it off with the bone, and then they open you up like a fish and they drill it in place so they take this tendon and they make it smaller to make you a fake tendon for the acl and it's apparently supposedly like physically stronger than the original acl the point is you're you got holes in your bones and screws in your bones and it hurts like a bitch when you get up especially when you're sitting down and then you get up, it's way more pain. I have the other one done with a cadaver. So I got a dead dude's shit in this knee.

But the one with the ACL where they do the surgery where they take it off the bone is way, way, way more painful. I'd get up from the couch. I'd be like watching TV. And it was just like hot lava, just hot lead just going right into my bones. It was so fucking painful. And I took a Vicodin. That was the only time I ever took one. And I felt so stupid. Just so drugged.

And my jaw was slack. And I was watching TV and I thought to myself while I was under it, I was like I will never take this dumb shit again. This stuff's terrible. It's weird how some people are the exact opposite. They'll fucking give you 20 bucks for a Vicodin you know

well what basically we're trying to say is there's no fucking difference between Vicodins and heroin and Oxycontins and heroin are really the same thing

there's no fucking difference between pharmaceutical companies and drug dealers the only difference is the drug dealers don't have to they don't have to

work within the law the pharmaceutical companies they have to bribe politicians. They have to wax doctors. You know what they do with doctors? They take everybody out to dinner. Mrs. Rogan, her mom is a nurse, and she works with these pharmaceutical companies. These nurses, they don't make much money, and they don't get to go out to fancy dinners. Well, the pharmaceutical companies come along and say,

Hey, Viagra's going to take us out on a nice dinner. And they all get to go to a nice restaurant and have a nice meal. And it's all on these pharmaceutical companies. They pay for the drinks. They pay for everything. And so these people are more likely to talk nice about their pharmaceuticals. So they prescribe them more. You know what's fucked up about that is I've thought about that also. When I go to the doctor, I was at the doctor recently.

Viagra was a poor example right that's a good one right I went to the doctors the other day for acid reflux because sometimes after eat like too much caffeine onions or I drink too much my I kind of feel like I have acid coming up from my throat it makes my throat feel tight and all those other you've had this for a long time yeah I've had it for a while so finally went to the doctor the other day digestive doctor and I told him everything I had and then he's like oh let me give you some samples he gave me a garbage bag almost full of the sample was called the blue pill.com i don't remember what

the name of it but it was the blue pill.com or something like that and i'm thinking you know what i wonder if this is even the best thing i could be taking right now or if this guy just got paid to give me a bottle and because he gave me like 20 bottles of samples and coupons and books and it's like and I take it and I'm like yeah I guess that kind of is better but I don't know if I'm just tricking myself or if I have to go back there make a second appointment you know just to be like look that whatever you gave me that's bullshit you know we know for sure the doctors are influenced by pharmaceutical companies you know they give them money. They get money for – they were getting – I don't know if this is still true or still legal or if there's different states that have different laws.

I don't know how it all works. But from what I understand, doctors have been busted where they're getting a percentage of the amount of sales that they have. Like say if they sell X amount of Valiums, they get a kickback from the pharmaceutical company. That should absolutely be illegal. That's crazy. That's bananas. Hopefully technology helps that though. When they try to prescribe something, like a million topics come text to your phone and you go, actually, no, I want to take this one. This one's better. Right. Yeah, like an iPhone app that tells you your doctor's trying to get you hooked on something.

Yeah, you turn it on and when the doctor comes in— We're not trying to shit on doctors or anything, man. The whole system is fucked up. And when you're a doctor and you're struggling to get along and you have to pay an insane amount of malpractice insurance, I mean, malpractice insurance for doctors is goddamn brutal. And then you have all these assholes that want to sue you for fucking nothing, for no reason, for shit getting wrong, for you getting an infection,

for things that are totally unavoidable and I'm not saying the doctors perfect but you know it's hard for doctors their medical bills are fucking or medical school bills are gigantic they're fucking huge and all of a sudden some pharmaceutical company comes along and says hey you know you're still helping all these people you're still doing a great thing we just would love it if you would tell them you know take Vioxx if you have arthritis. Right. So these doctors say, yeah, I could do that. And we'll, we'll be in on a deal with you guys. You could buy a, you know, we give you a share in the company. We'll give you a certain percentage for every, you know, Vioxx bottle you sell. We'll give

you X percent. And so they don't think they're doing anything wrong. Vioxx is something that was created to help people. This person has a pain. I'll give them this. It'll help their pain and I'll profit. They don't even think it's a bad thing. The next thing you know, they're prescribing it way more than they did before, especially like nutty pills. There's been many studies done on people who take antidepressants and how people have gone to psychiatrists just for experimentation purposes, just to write stories on it. They just said, hey, I'm just having trouble sleeping. I just feel shitty all day.

I don't know what to do. Here, take this. Bam. It's like that simple. Have Zoloft. You'll feel better. They're just dishing it out. Try this for a little bit and tell us how you feel.

Like, whoa, we're fucking with human neurochemistry and we're allowing these heartless pharmaceutical companies to do it? You can't do that, man. There's got to be more oversight. I know there's a lot of money involved in pharmaceuticals, and I know that there's a lot of pharmaceuticals that do a lot of good for a lot of people. I'm not saying there's anything bad about it,

but there's got to be way more oversight because they have so much shit out there that you can get addicted to. There's so much that will fuck your life up, and it's readily available. Oxycontins, fucking Percocets, Valiums, Vicodins,

those fucking things will crush you. And somehow or another, those guys are doing something that's way more acceptable than someone who sells pot or coke. Or fucks a rubber vagina.

Or fucks a rubber vagina. Those people are looked at as heroes, doctors and stuff, but yet, if you talk about this, you're a bad person. Well, you know, I mean, look, doctors are heroes, man. The doctors that have fixed me up, I mean, forever in their debt. The guy that fixed my nose, the guys that fixed my knees,

you know, if it wasn't for them, my nose would suck and I wouldn't be able to walk that good. You know what I mean? Doctors are fucking awesome. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying we live in this ridiculous state of hypocrisy because there's certain drugs that we make illegal. You literally aren't supposed to have them. It's not that you can get them prescribed if you need them or they can, you know, monitor, you know, you're not allowed to big daddy who knows more than you tells you prescribed if you need them or they can you know monitor you no you're not allowed to big daddy who knows more than you tells you that if you're with this drug this drug we're going to lock you in a cage like what the fuck why is that is that set up so that the people who really appreciate and recognize the merits in the psychedelic drugs rise up so that they realize

they have to literally overthrow the culture, the way of thinking. They have to not overthrow, rather, but overturn the way the culture accepts drugs. Because that's the only thing that seems to make sense. All the beneficial ones are illegal. You don't ever hear about someone talking to you about they did Valium and they just really had this life-changing experience and learned to love everyone. No, you don't have that fucking unvaluum.

I felt connected to the universe, and I realized that I'm just a part of a never-ending process, and my biology is trying to hold on to everything, and that's where the insecurity comes from. No, you don't get that from fucking valium. You get that from mushrooms, and mushrooms grow outside, and if they catch you with them, they put you in a cage. If they come by your fucking house,

and you have mushrooms growing under your tree in your backyard, they are legally allowed to lock you in a box. They can take you and arrest you. That's fucking bananas. Bananas. And that are enforcing our ridiculous thinking on the Mexican people is why those drug cartels got into power. Is that a conspiracy theory?

Perhaps. Is that a little bit of tinfoil hat? Perhaps. Yeah, maybe. But, you know, some of that tinfoil hat shit is on the money. And I think it is with this. We live right next to a country that's involved in a way more deadly war

than the one going on in Afghanistan or going on in Iraq. Both of them combined can't even touch the body counts that are happening in Mexico right next door. They're killing motherfuckers. They're going crazy over there, dude. And you can get there by walking.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, we're all invested in Afghanistan and securing Afghanistan. Meanwhile, we live right next to a fucking third world country. We are connected to them with an invisible line. And they're involved in the bloodiest pharmaceutical war that's ever been fought in the history of this earth. The illegal pharmaceutical war. They're fighting it with goddamn tanks.

They're fighting a pharmaceutical war with tanks. And that's what the war is. The war is who gets to sell your shit. Is it going to be people that have no law whatsoever your shit is it going to be people that have no law whatsoever or is it going to be people that have laws and if you say it's going to be people that have laws and that the other stuff you're not going to allow well then someone's going to sell that other stuff

because there's a god damn demand for it shit's dangerous everywhere did you hear about this West Hollywood like yesterday a woman walks into Target at West Hollywood and just starts something like that a woman walks into Target at West Hollywood and just starts fucking stabbing or shooting people

I think shooting people shot four people and finally was taken down by undercover cops you can't say I think you gotta do a google on that motherfucker this is the age

of the internet son you can't be using like 1984 type storytelling skills well give while I look this up give some facts about Target well

Target is an awesome place if you want to buy some shit. They usually have it there. Yeah. However, Target would not carry the rubber pussy. No? Target frowns upon

the rubber pussy. They're not allowed. The woman stabs four people in, so it is stabbing, in West Hollywood. She's 34 years old, entered the store, attacks shoppers

with a butcher knife and a steak knife. An off-duty L.A. County Sheriff's deputy and store security guards apprehended her. Thank God those guys were there. Thank God someone's fucking balls. I hope they brain that bitch. When they took her out, they should have just shoved that fucking knife right into her heart.

You're in the middle of a battle, a knife battle with a knife-wielding assailant. You should just stick that fucking thing right in her neck wow right she was yelling i'm bipolar there's no witness protection program oh god see at that point we have to know when to kill people we really do you can't bring that person back and reintroduce them to society this life is short and you have fucked it up so bad. There's just no way of coming back from that.

We just got to start from scratch. And it sends a message to all the other people out there thinking about going nutty. Don't go that nutty. All right, stop. Don't go running into Target and fucking stabbing people. We're not going to allow that shit. Jesus Christ. You know, we're so goddamn tolerant of fucking loonies.

Just kill them. Have you seen those back... I think I talked about this the other day. Yeah, we talked about it the other day when we were talking to the Fleshlight dude. Yeah, the new piercings where they have up and down your back, they have hoops. And then they take laces and go back and forth like it's a dress. And they tie bows and stuff with it. And I was thinking, how fucking crazy is is that even piercings are crazy i remember back in the day it was left hoop right hoop you know that was the crazy eyebrow yeah right if you're really nutty you

went eyebrow and it moved on to the belly button and then like some crazy girls got nipples and clits now they're fucking making clothes out of your skin like i think you should probably talk to that microphone more put the it's pumped up is it yeah okay but it's getting to the point where now it's like like laces back and forth and like you're making skin dresses yeah that's how crazy piercing is yeah what he's talking about is a series of loops that these women are putting on their bodies and their back and they they make it like shoelaces yeah fucking it's the trippiest thing ever when you see someone that's a girl who doesn't give a fuck all right yeah there was a one she won't

even blink if you fuck her in the ass she'll be like what there was a girl standing outside of my grocery store trying to do greenpeace whatever that shit is and she had that whole thing up and down with a bra on do you think that that's the message that the message is that they just they can take all sorts of crazy pain oh that's the sexiness of the message i think that that's the message that the message is that they just they can take all sorts of crazy pain oh that's the sexiness of the message i think that or people are just getting weird about skin yeah but is that maybe the sexiness of the message what it is is that you know you're what you're doing is you're taking uh lust to the next levels because everything has got to go to the next level now because we have this crazy access to information you know like people

are fucking way different than they fucked like in like the 1970s. Yeah. You know, no one is accepting, you know, lights out, you know, just fucking and no dirty talk, no nothing, missionary style, roll over, kiss, get night, go to sleep. No one's accepting that. Everyone's going lokester style. And this is all because of the internet, because pornography has changed the way people look at sex. And, you know, what they're talking about, a lot of people are talking about there's a problem with young girls right now getting all sorts of problems with their buttholes.

Because they're having butt sex, like, way early and all the time. Yeah. There's going to be a lot of 30-year-old women in a couple years from now. With diapers on. Yeah, with diapers on. And that's going to be the hot fashion. Hot fashion with your pampers. Oh, my God.

No, you know what's going to be the big operation? It's not going to be Botox. It's going to be getting your butthole tightened. Yeah. Like, get your butthole brought back to reality. Or get, like, a filter that... Yeah, for a while, you're going to have to use a colostomy bag for a little while until your butthole gets recovered from the surgery. That shit's real, man.

That's... What are these people doing? You know what they're doing? They're getting everything to the highest level possible. Yeah. That's what these piercings are about. That what why guys think girls who are tattooed up are sexy what's what's sexy about tattoos is if you have tattoos you know how much fucking pain it causes it's so goddamn painful yeah so you see someone with tattoos you're like that's someone who doesn't give a fuck yeah you know and that's the sexiness of it but shit we're bananas, man.

Our society is going in a very, very, very, very strange direction. Oh, it's ridiculous. And it's – the age of information is – it's not necessarily aiding it entirely because people aren't necessarily using the information on the internet to make an objective opinion. They're usually trying to find stuff that reinforces their own current opinion. It's a very tempting thing. With ideas on the internet, you've got to look at both sides of it, but a lot of people

aren't. So it's like almost helping retards be retarded. If they can find other sites that say the earth is flat and dinosaurs lived with people 6,000 years ago. You can find plenty of sites if you look around that tells you that evolution is retarded. You can have plenty of sites that will look around that tells you that evolution is retarded. You can have plenty of sites that will have guys who are doctors and they're scientists. And they are telling people, I mean, they're obviously crazy, but they're telling people that the earth is only 6,000 years old, that carbon dating is not real, and that evolution is a myth.

And that, you know, we had to come from somewhere, so there has to be a God. And that, you know, the Bible is, you know you know can prove the bible mathematically like they start talking nutty talk and these are doctors and scientists so if you just look for them you'll you'll decide on their point of view you know i mean if you just like look at any one side of any issue you can you can get your answers reinforced so the problem with that is people are just getting their answers reinforced or questions rather reinforced they're they're not necessarily like learning. They're finding other retards who have set up websites that confirm their retarded ideas. That's kind of a little bit of a problem. That's one problem with the Internet.

The other part of it is just magnificent. The other part of it is people who are open-minded, who are really using it as this crazy network of information. And they're really learning like at this incredible exponentially expanding rate. Like we're learning shit and we're so much more aware of shit than our parents were. We're so much more aware of information. There's so much more shit going on that you have to store in your head. I mean, when I talk to my mom about like the world, like what's going on in the world, I feel like I'm talking to my daughter. I mean, there's a level of understanding that our generation has reached that really hasn't been reached before.

Is that just an age thing, though? No, it's the internet, man. It's the internet, yeah. I mean, it's acceleration. I mean, I think our parents were smarter than their parents and their parents were smarter than their parents. And you know, it's always been that way that we evolve and as we evolve, we get brighter. And you can see that in culture. You can see that in like the movies that they used to watch in the 1940s. They're fucking horrible. I mean, they're way worse than the

bad movies we have today. It doesn't even have to be the 1940s. The other day I watched Reality Bites. I don't know if you remember that movie. It had, what's his name? Ben Stiller janine garofalo had all these famous people awesome sound what was the other one that you were telling me that you made your girl watch your oh yeah you thought it was an awesome movie at the time but it was fucking terrible and she was mad at you what was that oh can't buy me love reality bites those are the mcdreamy mcdy McDreamy McDreamy's in it and he used to mow lawns

and he paid the most popular he bagged all those brats and he was delivering pizzas isn't that the same one no

he paid the most popular girl to be his girlfriend for a week and then he became too popular and then she spilled cranberry juice

on her dress but I watched that the other day it was awful but Reality Bites horrible like really uncomfortable to watch.

Right. But the worst disturbing thing is I used to have a crush on Janine Garofalo back in that time period. I thought she was like, oh, she's a hot comic girl.

She's so hot. I looked at that movie and almost puked because of how ugly she was. Now I want to know what the fuck... Don't be so mean. Listen, she's not that ugly.

Don't be rude. That's rude. You're being rude. No, in the movie being rude no in the movie her character in the movie her character in that movie this is what happened you used to have different tastes

now you're into like the porn star look that's all cool that's all cool you know but back then you weren't man that's what it is

everybody has a look have you watched the movie you could see the line where her makeup was that's ridiculous listen that's not what's important what's important is the evolution of culture

what's important in this conversation is not your fucking weird thing with Janine Garofalo. I'm just saying, I evolved. That movie to me is awful. We all have. It's embarrassingly bad. A movie like that, like I watched Altered States.

It was terrible. Right. Altered States totally does not hold up. I mean, to me, that movie changed my life because that's the movie that got me into the isolation tanks. If it wasn't for Altered States, I probably never would have a tank in my basement. And when that tank in my basement has changed the way I look at the world, that thing is like my reset button. Whenever I got anything that's fucking with my head, that tank kicks me the real deal every time. It's like my guidebook. It's like literally to me, my isolation tank is like

my connection to the spirit world. It's like my spirit guide. It sounds completely retarded and gay and it sounds new agey, but that's what it feels like when I get in there and I just zone, I just disappear. My body disappears when my mind has no sensory input, when I'm just floating through space in that tank, I get truth. I get straight truth about everything I've ever done, about anything that I've ever done, where I was the douchebag, anything that I've ever done, about anything that I've ever done where I was the douchebag, anything that I've ever watched where, you know, like I can like rewatch like things that have happened in my life and see where I've personally made mistakes, things that I've done well, things that I could have avoided, reasons why people are upset at me,

like everything kicks you. And then it kicks me everything about what am I doing wrong in my personal life? What am I doing wrong in my career? What am I doing wrong in my personal life? What am I doing wrong in my career? What am I doing wrong in my comedy? What am I doing wrong in my writing? Here's what you can eliminate. Here's what you can do better. Almost never, like it's never a praising thing. It's always like a ruthless self-examination experience.

It's never like an experience like, yeah, I'm fucking awesome here. I'm in the water. Never. It's almost always uncomfortable. But after you get out of it, man, you have a newfound appreciation and respect for life. And that experience would not have happened if I didn't watch that movie Altered States and get confused. Meanwhile, I watched it. I couldn't even watch the whole movie.

I shut it off. It was a piece of shit. Those old movies just don't hold up. Like E.T. I watched that the other day. And you remember when E.T. was like, I could believe this is an alien. I saw it the other day and he's like at and like he stopped and he rocks when he stops i'm like why is he rocking yeah it's so bad it's it's amazing yeah the technology available today a random dude with a pc who knows how to encode 3d animation yeah he can make something on his own computer and and literally have a texture

to it and everything. It'll be way better than E.T. Imagine when you could do that with Avatar graphics. Oh my god. It's gonna happen. What is that? That'll be 15 years? It's happening. 15 years. No, I don't think it's gonna be 15 years. Shit is happening so quickly, man, with the internet. With the level of complexity that they can pull off in animation

now is just astounding. I mean, avatar still looked a little off but the reason why they got away with it looking a little off is that they used monsters and shit that you don't know in real life so you know you look at it and you go oh it can't tell it's fake but like you've watched like i am legend i am legend is the shit but when they had those lions you're like get the fuck out of here those lions look so bad did i hear they were making a sequel to that? I hope so.

Oh, that would be so good. I love that movie. I love that movie. That movie was fun. In the scene where he shoots the lion, or he's going to shoot a deer, and the lion takes out the deer. It looks so bad. It looks so corny and fake. It should be totally unacceptable.

They really should have to film in another way like you should have to do it in the dark where I can't see it or it happens so quickly but what you show me is just dog shit for a movie that's that powerful they can't totally recreate real life and because of that they can't totally recreate people yet but they can really recreate monsters shit that they make up they They can make shit that they invent look fucking amazing. Like King Kong. How good did King Kong look? Oh, that was awesome. I just saw that the other day also and that still looks good.

Dude, I don't even watch that movie. You know what I do with that movie? I turn it on to the scene where King Kong's fucking shit up. And you jack off. I almost do. I almost do. I scratch my chest. I get fucking crazy. I can see you. Dude, hidden camera footage of you watching King Kong by yourself. Yeah, I might start fucking.

I've always been obsessed with primates. I have a giant poster of King Kong. It's like 12 feet tall in my house. You're throwing fleshlights around like fucking apes. I have just a smidgen more monkey in me than the average person. I feel very connected to the monkeys. I get angry when I go to the zoo and I see the monkeys in the cage. I always want to let them out. It's weird.

Have you always been like that? Since I was a little kid. I'm Sicilian, man. They are monkeys. They're way closer to monkeys than regular people. There's something about my ancestors, the way they used to yell at each other. It's just like going to the fucking chimps at the zoo. My grandmother used to fucking scream at my grandfather.

She didn't give a fuck that I was there. She didn't give a fuck that I was three or four or whatever the fuck I was. I'd be standing right next to her. And my grandfather would be like, my grandmother was always late for everything. My grandmother was crazy. My grandmother did time. Okay. This is how crazy my grandmother was.

My grandmother worked for the mob and she did time. Wow, that's crazy. My grandmother was bananas, but she would fucking scream, Joe, don't rush me, Joe! Joe, don't rush me! Don't fucking rush me, Joe! My grandfather's name was Joe, her name was Joe. She would fucking scream at him and he would have to eat it. You are like a monkey.

That's like a chimp cage. I was in the lion, my family, my family was in the lion cage over at the zoo. Yeah? Yeah, we were just like, what's up, guys? Yeah, you always seem like a lion. If I had to describe you, if Brian was an animal,

what would he be? Be a lion. That's why I'm a Leo. What are you? What's your sign? You're a Leo? That's right. They don't have a monkey sign.

If they had a monkey sign, I'm sure I'd be a lion. Damn, I don't know. I was a puma and you're a tiger or something. Do you get upset when you go to the zoo? Does that bother you? That's right. They don't have a monkey sign. If they had a monkey sign, I'm sure I'd be out. Damn, I don't know. I was a puma and you're a tiger or something. Do you get upset when you go to the zoo? Does that bother you? It doesn't. Drives me fucking crazy.

I'm more like, wow, tiger. It drives me fucking crazy. I'm just not that deep. I don't care about the dumb animals. I don't freak out when I see a walrus. Fuck a walrus. Walrus can kiss my ass. I don't give a fuck about you.

You're just dumb. What are you doing? I don't can kiss my ass. I don't give a fuck about you. You're just dumb. You know? What are you doing? I don't want to kill you. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to cause you pain for no reason, but I don't give a fuck about you.

When's your movie Zookeeper coming out? It's not my movie. It's your movie. It's Kevin James' movie, fella. And it comes out in October. October? Yeah.

Have you seen a preview or anything? No, I haven't. I've seen little clips where I had to do voiceover shit. It's going to be fun. Yeah? It's a funny movie. Kevin's hilarious. He's a very funny guy. He's awesome at that whole physical comedy thing and doing it with all these animated

animals. The animated animals are pretty fucking dope. Really? Yeah, they just change their mouths and make their mouths move. They're like real animals. They have to train real animals to do certain things and then they like add animation to it, you know, and then they have like one guy in a monkey suit. One it was really funny walked into a car accidentally knocked himself out it was really fucked up you know because he hit the thing hard really he banged right into the door of this car and just fell over out cold wow he didn't see it coming and he walked right into a door this stuntman man stuntman are fucking savages no doubt these guys are nuts man the dudes that I met on Fear Factor and the dudes that I've worked with,

especially the guys on this Zookeeper movie because there was a lot of crazy stunts. I crashed a bike. I wasn't supposed to be doing my own stunts, but I had this bike scene

with me and Kevin where I'm chasing them and I'm yelling at them and I'm trying to reach them. I crashed my bike three or four hard times. Really? Hard times.

One where I go over the handlebars. What the fuck are you doing that for? Face plant onto the concrete. Dude, I went over the handlebars. What the fuck are you doing that for? Face plant onto the concrete. Dude, I went over the bars. I grabbed the front brake accidentally and squeezed it too hard and I just went over the top.

I was only one hand in it because I was trying to grab him. We're just improvising the scene. Dude, I launched myself. But somehow or another, I was fine. Like somehow or another, the whatever, the clear-headedness or the peace of mind to gather myself. I knew I was going over this and just land correctly. Right, you rolled or something. Something.

I got lucky all the time. The only thing I did, I got a scratch on my shin. But dude, I crashed hard like four times. I did the crash recently. I could have easily broken a wrist or something. There was one time when I went down where it was pretty fucking hard. I went over the handlebars and I got a hold of, I hit the ground first with my hands and then my face. My chin hit the ground.

Yeah. But I absorbed it and I pulled back enough. It was like just enough level-headedness where I wound up not – and because of jiu-jitsu, I'm always falling. You're always like rolling with shit. You get comfortable with that. Like here's the ground. It's like it's normal.

Right. It's a normal feeling. But dude, I could have got fucked up. I could have lost some teeth for sure. Yeah. I just got a bike recently and i did the same thing i went over my handlebars because i hit a curb it was dark out and i hit a curb and it didn't like pop over it just went straight down for something i flipped over my bike and i i felt like my teeth i'm like oh my god that's the first thing i do is grab my teeth but i landed okay but i was like i could

have died right there yeah man that man. That's some scary shit. Bicycles are fucking scary when you're falling, man. Yeah. I just read some article about some woman who just got paralyzed from horse racing, horse jumping, the same as Christopher Reeve did. Right. Jumping over hurdles and shit like that. That's some scary shit, dude. You don't need to be doing that, people.

Taking it from a guy who's involved in the UFC and does jiu-jitsu, it sounds ridiculous. But jiu-jitsu, if you trust trust your partners you're pretty safe man I mean I'm doing it all the time and I've only been injured a few times and one of the injuries was an old injury you know I had one ACL and meniscus tear from my old taekwondo days and that one re-injured first in jiu-jitsu and then I injured the other leg. But that's over fucking, I've been doing it now for 14 years. That's a long ass time. You know, I only have a few minor injuries and to roll like all the time. Because most of the time you're rolling with dudes you can trust.

And you know, you're not going to fucking dump each other on each other's heads. You're not going to hurt each other if you don't have to. Like when you get an armbar or something, you back off before. You know when a dude is got. You know you don to hurt each other if you don't have to. Like when you get an armbar or something, you back off before, you know, you know, you know when a dude is, is got, you know, you don't hurt each other. So, but you can trust people. You can't trust a fucking horse. You can't trust a horse. If a horse just decides, fuck this, it just digs those legs in.

You're done, son. You're going to go flying. You're, you're on a giant, super powerful powerful animal an animal that's so strong it can run like what 50 miles an hour with a person on its back are you fucking kidding me you're gonna go off like a pillow you're just gonna go flying off you're not even gonna believe how light you feel that horse just stops and just throws his muscular fucking shoulders up into it you just launch like you're on a spring. Head first right into the dirt.

Snap. You hear your neck snap. But how cool would it be if none of us had cars because gas went out and we all had to get horses. We all had our own horse. And then every time we hung out, we all had our horses together. Dude, that's ridiculous.

Our horses could be friends with each other. What if your horse breaks his leg? You've got to shoot him in the head. I know. You don't think that's terrible? No, but then we'd get a new horse. Our two of our friends' horses would mate and have a baby horse. It would be cool just to have your own horse.

Brian, you've been into this. You definitely had one extra hit. I think. You should not have had that third hit. I think it's cool to have horses. I live in an equestrian district where everyone has horses. It'd be nice if you were with the horse and you treated it very well from the time it was young. So you had an awesome relationship with the horse.

Right. But that's not always going to be the case. And it's going to be like you go to a dog park with your dog. There's always going to be some douchebag with his fucking dog that wants to bite everybody's dog. You know? And that's going to be what it's going to be like with horses, man. I think it would be fun.

You can't trust people to raise the horses correctly. So you're going to have a bunch of horses out there that are douchebag horses. They're going to get mad at your horses. You're going to have douchebag horse gang wars. I think it would be awesome. This is the most ridiculous conversation we've ever had.

What's crazy is that That thing would be awesome to have a horse. What else, Brian? Boy, I wish unicorns were real. No, but If you had money, what would you get?

I'd get a pony. That's because I can't get a pegasus. What if we run out of oil or fuel or power and we all go back to that? That'd be crazy if we had to go back to horses. That's because I can't get a Pegasus. What if we run out of oil? We are going to run out of oil, man. It's all in the fucking Gulf. And we all go back to that.

That would be crazy if we had to go back to horses. That's ridiculous. It's really ridiculous how short a period of time, I put this on my Twitter this week, I was just thinking about it, how nutty it is, that 200 years ago, the fastest way to get around was on the back of an animal. Right.

200 years ago. That's nothing. It's so funny to think about that. And there was no photographs. The best way to get an image of someone was to draw them. 200 years ago. That's nothing. It's so funny to think about that. And there was no photographs. The best way to get an image of someone was to draw them. Yeah. 200 years ago. That's nothing.

That's a blink in time. Jesus Christ. And it's all because of, you know, technology and oil, unfortunately. It's all because of oil. All the plastic, all the shit we use. I mean, how much is oil, like, embedded in our life? It's totally. It's the main thing for almost all the wars.

For everything. Religion and oil together. Yeah, well, there's people that believe that religion and oil are stuffed in together on purpose just to make it easier to control the oil, whether or not that's true. I mean, the idea that the CIA is involved and all these secret shadow government organizations are involved in creating drama and turmoil so that we always have an enemy over there. And that's a very real theory.

And if you talk to people who understand how the United States is involved in other countries and how we do sell arms to people like Iran and Iraq and we do provide them with weapons and we play both sides of the fence, we provide their enemy with shit too. We create drama. This week we can go in there and clean it up. We should find a way to make money off religion and oil, combining the two like Jesus oil. I think they already have.

The people involved in the oil business are all the people that are supporting the conservative right. But at this point, I think everybody's involved. I don't think it's just the conservatives. I don't think it's just the conservatives, I don't think it's just the Republicans, the Democrats are just as like... I believe Obama was in favor of offshore drilling. I think there was so much pressure that we need to relieve ourselves of the need for foreign oil that they were in support of it.

I think everybody was in support of it. It seemed like a great idea. I thought it was a good idea. I'm like, if they don't spill that shit, and it doesn't seem like they very often. I was like, well, hey, if they know what they're doing, that's the problem, if they know what they're doing. So I was in favor of it too until I saw this and I was like, okay, this is crazy. I didn't know that this could happen. I thought that if something breaks, you just shut it off. I thought you have some sort of a fail safe. I can't believe they had no backup plan. They don't know the exact estimate, but one of the estimates is 40,000.

They're talking about 40,000 gallons a day. That's insane. Yeah. Think of how much oil that is. Well, think of how big the ocean is. But I've heard hundreds of thousands. I've heard a million gallons a day. I've heard all these different.

I've heard 400,000. Yeah. But even if it's 1,000 gallons of oil a day, even that. Have you seen the slick? The slick is gigantic. Pretty fucking great. but even if it's a thousand gallons of oil a day even that have you seen the slick the slick is gigantic pretty fucking great you can see it with a satellite i hate seeing the animals that they're like cleaning off the sponges and stuff like that well the one of the ways that people are describing it they're saying that it could be apocalyptic like that was the language that they use apocalyptic apocalyptic it just sells more t-shirts joe is that what it is yeah i don't know dude it seems

pretty look at look at we're looking at images right now and you can't see because you're not here but the streak is giant fucking gigantic okay 42 000 gallons of oil per day that's that's what these people are saying i mean who knows if they're right nobody's down there with a fucking a measuring spoon measuring measuring spoon what the fuck am i even talking about um nobody's down there measuring for real but it is an insane amount of oil and it's leaking out every day and they don't know exactly how they're going to stop it and i heard someone last night but this is a dude in jujitsu class so who knows if he was telling me the truth he could have been just talking out of his ass but he was saying that they could stop the oil, but the way they would have to stop it is blow up the well. They would have to blow it up. And if they did that, the oil would stop. But then they'd be

fucked because they don't want to do that because they have this well down there they want to protect and they want to be able to turn it back on again eventually. If that's true, that's insane. If there really is a fix and all you have to do is blow it up and they're worried because this, this company wants to, you know, continue to pump oil out of there. Like you get, number one is you've got to stop what you're doing. You got to stop all this oil coming out. You know, did you build, you built the well, you built it, right? You built it. You're going to have to build a new one. Okay. You can't salvage the parts of this while it's bleeding oil into the ocean. I mean, that's bananas. Like, if there really is a fix, and the fix involves them destroying the whole thing,

you've got to destroy the whole thing first, and then rebuild it. I don't care how many years it takes to make one of those things. That doesn't mean anything. How many years is it going to take to clean up what the fuck you did? Can't you just get a ship of cat litter and put it on it? Isn't that what you do in the garage? Imagine if it was that simple,

if cat litter just clung to it, and all you'd do is pour bags of it, it would make these big, gelatinous cat litter and oil glob boulders that'd be sitting on the bottom of the ocean floor, and they would just scoop them up. Scoop them up. Scoop them up. Like one of those cat litter spoons. You scoop it up.

It seems like more sense than what they're doing now. Well, they're not doing anything now. They've tried to stop it and they've cut it back a little bit apparently, supposedly, from the most recent reports. But as far as getting it stopped

or even under control, they're not even close. They could be a week away from doing something. You know, they're talking about putting some kind of giant dome over it. I mean, the whole thing is...

See, that's ridiculous. Yeah, it's like a goddamn Superman movie. If it works in the garage, it'll work in the ocean. It's fucking mean, the whole thing is... See, that's ridiculous. Yeah, it's like a goddamn Superman movie. If it works in the garage, it'll work in the ocean. It's fucking bananas. The whole thing is bananas. It's literally going to kill

everything in that area. I mean, there's the slick. I mean, I'm looking at the images when they show them to you online, and it doesn't seem real. Wow, that does seem crazy. It does. It literally doesn't seem real.

Look at this. There's images. If you go to earthobservatory.nasa.gov. You know, you could just throw that picture in Ustream Producer and show everybody right now. I can? Yeah. How do I do that?

Save it on your desktop and then just throw it in there. God damn, Brian. You're so smart. Boink. I'm going to save this image as slick. And I'll put that on my desktop. click. And now I go to Ustream producer and I just drag that in. This is not interesting at all. It's not. How's open video file. I think you clicked on it. Open image file.

Let's go down to your desktop. I'm going to look for slick. So, here it is. Let's see if this works for us. What we did is we just started, yeah, there we go. We just started using this thing called Ustream Producer. And the reason why is now you can see these Ustream video podcasts on your iPhone and your iPad. You fucking junkies.

You visual junkies. But look at that goddamn slick if you're looking at this on Ustream. If you're not and you're on iTunes, check this out when you get home. Go Google it. Go to the NASA site and you see the size of this fucking oil slick on a satellite image and it's bananas. It's really hard

to grasp. It's so big and it's just non-stop and they don't even have it under control and it's just pumping oil and I don't know how the fuck they're going to fix that shit. I don't think they know either, man. I don't think they know.

Like add live shot? Yeah. See, now in the future you just keep... That's pretty dumb, man. Powerful producer software. Powerful. So, you know, until we get off fossil fuels, we're never going to be able to avoid catastrophes that happen when oil spills.

There was another one that just happened where in the Malacca Strait, an oil tanker exploded. And this was yesterday. In Pecan Baru. I don't know where that is. A crude oil tanker was reported to have exploded. Look, they fucking explode. That shit's flammable, you know? I mean, you can't get away from that.

We have to, you know, as a species, we have to get past that. They have to figure out, these super-duper smart dudes have to figure out some new way, you know? Right now, it's so hard to do that because their system is so oil-based and it works so well you know i mean think about how much we travel think about everything you do basically is involved in going somewhere and burning fuel you know i'm never i'm not i mean i'm home for a few days you know i'm home i'm here i mean i don't sometimes i never leave my house at all for a few days but there's still like i'm'm fucking using electricity. I mean, you know, you're constantly using things that are made of plastic, you're constantly

consuming things that people produce from oil. And I don't see that changing. How the fuck is that going to change? You know, we would have to come up with a new way to restructure the whole society. So there would have to be some sort of a reason to do that. To get away from the oil, there would have to be some drastic reason, it would do that. To get away from the oil, there would have to be some drastic reason. It would have to be like a cataclysm. It would literally have to be something that resets society and causes us to start from scratch. Because unless

we run out, and we're not going to pay attention until we run out. It's going to be like, oh shit, we're out. Fuck, now we do. Literally, they're not protecting us and giving us a nice safety net so society can progress easily from here until then.

It's not hemp. God, it's like, hemp! Yeah, potheads always think that. It's hemp, man! It's fucking pot, man! Maybe it would help, you know? But that's not going to fix everything. It's not going to fix everything it's not going to fix everything

it's it's it's definitely we've got to do something this this oil thing does not work it's i mean there's a lot of weird arguments about what oil actually is and some people believe that oil is some sort of a natural substance created by the earth there's a whole book i got on it called black gold strangle. I haven't bothered to research online to find out if it's been totally disproven or whether it's bullshit. But this guy's argument is that the oil isn't fossil fuels. It's not really like plankton or dead plants or shit like that, like what people assume that it is, millions of years of that, but with a finite amount left in the earth.

But actually, it's some sort of a natural fluid that's produced by the earth. And if that's the truth, if he's right, and he's probably not right, but if he is right, that's like the blood of the world. Like we're like little vampire bugs sucking off the blood of the world. That's too trippy, man. Even if it, if fossil fuels, I mean, I mean, even, even if it's not that, you know, even if it is the decay of, you know, things that have existed on this earth and, you know, were consumed by death and decayed and created this substance that we use now. Even if that's the case, then it's like the shit of the earth. Then it's like we're sucking the shit of the earth out. Well, either way, it's like we're sucking something out that's a part of some sort of a natural cycle.

You know, it's all supposed to be in there. It's like, it's like literally like we're sucking something out that's a part of some sort of a natural cycle you know it's all supposed to be in there it's like it's like literally like we're like fucking mosquitoes man we really are right like the in the earth is us yeah the earth is us and we're ticks we're ticks sucking off the blood and the most progress that we've ever had in the history of our race was when we started sucking off the blood of the earth. When we started cannibalizing mother Gaia, when we started eating our mother, that's when everything started going awesome. That's when they created cars and computers and cell phones and, you know, Google voice in your pocket. All that shit is all because that we have this oil because we have figured out a way

to make shit out of oil and we can transport shit with oil and we can get planes to have this oil. Because we have figured out a way to make shit out of oil. And we can transport shit with oil. We can get planes to fly using oil. I mean, it's fucking bananas. What a crazy society. One thing comes along. Combustion engines figuring out how to use oil for plastic, for fuel, for all these different things. And everything just goes bananas. And then the question is, what's next?

Have you heard about the smart dust shit? Yeah. Dude. Cliffy B. Cliffy B, our friend Cliffy B over at Epic Games sent me this. You're going to have to Google this. You've got to Google up smart dust. This is the most bizarre thing that I think I have ever heard in my fucking life.

These are, Listen to this. These are wireless devices. That are the size of grains of sand. Inside these wireless devices. The size of grains of sand. They have the ability to transmit wirelessly. They have a power source. They have the ability to receive.

And send data. They have the ability to take images. it's the size of a fucking grain of sand what website cnn this is on cnn wow it is fucking bananas and they're they're literally talking about this being this smart dust being a real world web and the idea is that wireless sensors they that you can use these wireless sensors to monitor everything all over the world all the time. Like literally there will be no privacy. So don't you think this smart desk probably would already have existed? You know, if this was true stuff, it's probably already here.

Well, it is true stuff. It's probably in our room right now. You mean you think they've already been using it and they're just telling us about it now? Yeah, because wouldn't they use it first and then tell everyone? I think science is pretty easy to track. I think it's pretty easy to track up to a certain point what people are capable of. But this, I mean, because I don't know if the guys who make the most money, the top scientists, who they're incorporated by. I'm not familiar with the scientific world, so I don't know if they get recruited by big corporations or if they get recruited by the government.

Who gets all the best scientists? Who gets all the crazy genius dudes? Money. Money does, right? Well, this thing is a really bananas fucking project. It's really hard to explain how crazy this is. There's a company called Streetline that's installed 12,000 sensors on parking spots and highways in San Francisco.

And the sensors, what they know is whether or not there's a car in that spot. And what they're going to do is they're going to figure out a way to give you data. So say if you're, you know, I'm going, you know, 16th Street and Fairbanks. You know, I need a parking spot. Is there any available? Yes, there's one right here. Go get it. And they'll tell you whether or not there's traffic headed to that parking spot. Traffic's clear. No cars nearby. Like you can fucking go there. They'll tell you where the traffic is.

Like the sensors on the street will be able to pick up traffic. That's weird. And they'll know what speed it's moving at. There's going to be

no more speeding, son. They're going to be able to know who you are and how fast you're going all the time. Like, that's real. That's going to suck. That's going to fucking suck.

So there's not going to be any sports cars? No sports cars. You're going to have to turn in your shit and get some slow-ass You're going to have to turn in your shit and get some slow ass, slowpoke rubber car. You're going to have to only have horses. You and the horses, man.

Because horses, you can't. It's not ethical to put the sensors in them. Yeah, you can't. Who cares about speeding on horses? Well, the sensors are going to be in the streets. So they'll be able to tell you that your horse is going too fast. There was no speed limits when people had horses, right? I don't think so, man.

It was actually better to go as fast as you could. You had the best horse. As fast as you could, you probably had the best horse. So we are going to go back to... But if you fell as fast as you could. You had the best horse. As fast as you could, you probably had the best horse. So we are going to go back to... But if you fell as fast as you could, you know, maybe you should take it easy and just play it safe.

Yeah, that's why you have leather shit on. Leather shit's not going to help you when you land on your fucking head on a cobblestone street because the horse slips because you saw a rat. Sensors to protect us.

The horse freaks out, man. Sees a fucking raccoon and you go flying and smash your head on the curb. That's it. Horses. Horses. Fuck oil.

Well, this real world web that they are trying to create is is one of the strangest inventions that i think i've ever heard about um i i i did not know that they were this far along i mean these smart dust sensors can be relatively small and portable portable what they're talking about with this is that they're gonna they're gonna have trillions of these things What they're talking about with this is that they're going to have trillions of these things all over the world. I mean, this is the idea behind it. Is this even possible, though?

Or is this just theories? Hewlett-Packard's involved, and they're calling it the central nervous system for the Earth. In the coming years, the company plans to deploy a trillion sensors all over the planet. What? How bananas is it? First of all, how bananas is it that someone's letting

them do that? Like, you're going to do what? Can't we vote on this before you put sensors all over the fucking Earth? Jesus Christ. You know, there will be no privacy. There will be no privacy. It will be impossible. Someone will be able to detect everything. This can't happen because then, if it's like this, then we can put sensors in the White

House. Yes, it can. Yes, it can. Dude, I've been saying for a long time that I believe that the next stage of human beings is going to be the no secret stage. There's going to be some, I mean, it's going to be eventually, it's going to get to the point where we can see each other's thoughts and we can communicate with each other and read each other's minds and memories and ideas and we get each other each other and read each other's minds and memories and ideas. And we get each other's ideas directly from each other. That's the next stage.

But it's not going to go directly to that. It's going to take a little pit stop along the way. And the pit stop it's going to take along the way is no more privacy. That's step number one. Before the interface, before human beings are allowed to interface with each other, before we're allowed to become one gigantic wireless mind. And that's possible. And probable.

I think that's the future. I think there's going to be some sort of a neural connection that allows everybody to connect with everybody. But before that happens, they're going to have to come up with something like this.

Before that happens, there's going to be an intermediate step. And an intermediate step will be no more privacy. You're going to be able to watch people fuck. You're going to be able

to see everything all the time. Maybe we're looking at the to watch people fuck. You're going to be able to see everything all the time. Maybe we're looking at the negative part of this. I don't think it's negative. Now we can see, yeah, I was going to say,

now we can see people fuck. I could fucking watch you fuck if I wanted to. Yeah, but I can watch you fuck. Not with my neuro blocker I'm going to make. I'm going to make my neuro blocker. No, no, no.

I got the latest shit, yo. That's the problem. Everybody's going to have the latest shit. Yeah. It's going to be like computer viruses. You're going to have to

always be one step up. Do you know there's something like fucking 4 000 new or was it 4 or 40 how many computer viruses are created a day but it's something fucking crazy number i almost said bananas again which would have been annoying but i caught myself think about how crazy that is yeah they're gonna get to a point where i mean how many is that 42 how many are out there who gives a fuck our our point is ladies and gentlemen that our privacy is slowly going away and i think that that is a part of the natural evolution of the human race i think that the human race is evolving to something that is no longer going to deal with embarrassment. We're going to have a different set of needs because our environment

has changed so radically from what our physical biology is coded for that it's forcing this sort of an evolution. Technology is forcing us to evolve socially as it is evolving technologically. As they come up with crazy and crazier shit that dissolves boundaries more and more, we're forced to play catch-up. And that's what's going to happen. If we get to a point where there's no more privacy, then we're going to realize how ridiculous privacy is in the first place.

We're going to realize how ridiculous embarrassment is, and shame is, and all this stupid shit. Like my daughter never wants to admit when she's shitting. She she's fucking two she never wants to admit it you poop we went nope she'll like shake her head no but she's making shit faces you know she doesn't want you to touch her like they get embarrassed it's like it's almost a natural coding in our system and i think eventually all that stuff is going to deteriorate i think it's going to dissolve it's going to be crushed by innovation i think that's what's going to force us to catch up. Because it's like, the things that we accept as part of our normal culture and the way we behave, a lot of it is

just what we get used to. I mean, think about the shit that people get used to in other countries. Think about the cultures and the weird traditions that people have been a part of throughout history. Amish people and people who have plates in know and and nutty motherfuckers who do all kinds of different rituals all over the world you know it's all what you get used to you know we're just used to privacy yeah we're used to it it's not necessary this it's going to be more important for us to get rid of douchebags it's going to be more important for us to realize the importance of educating human beings and raising human beings that think correctly and to be responsible for the human beings you create and raise.

Like, you're responsible for your fucking dog biting something, but you're not responsible for your son, you know, like, becoming a mass murderer. You know, then it's just, oh, he got crazy. I don't know what happened, you know? If your son kicks someone's ass and does a bad thing to someone and breaks their property, you can get sued. And you will have to pay for that kid's medical expenses.

But if your son is some fucking mass murderer, what are they going to do? Are they going to sue you? What are they going to do? Maybe. They don't even put you in jail. You should go to fucking jail. You made a monster. You made someone who likes to kill hookers.

How did that happen? Oh, it just happened. We don't even know. The fuck you don't know? You did something terrible. You were so shitty at raising a human being that you raised a human being that likes to kill and eat other human beings. But sometimes that's totally just nothing to do with parenting. I don't believe that.

You don't? No. So you think... I think there are some things that happen to people genetically. I certainly think but I think you should be able to recognize that. Yeah, but that's not... How are you connecting gay people to serial killers? Because that's something that they're not trained to do. You mean they weren't raised...

That's just a deviation in sexual desires. That's just... Yeah, that's how your brain thinks. Some people's eyes are blue. Some people's eyes are brown. Some people are like... That's just... Wires get crossed. This person likes to suck dicks.

This person likes to stab somebody. It's how your brain thinks. Yeah, I don't know about that, man. Sociopaths, they're not exactly sure where that comes from. And it's not necessarily that every serial killer

is a sociopath. Some people are just obsessed and insane and broken and they have a lot of other issues. But they think that there's a lot more sociopaths. Some people are just obsessed and insane and broken and they have a lot of other issues. But they think that there's a lot more sociopaths, people that don't care

about other people's feelings, a lot more than you think. Yeah. And they don't know, though, whether it comes from nature or nurture. I just can't think like, all right.

There's just a lot of speculation. Like, your dad molesters you when you stab somebody. Or your dad lets you watch horror movies. No, it's not watching horror movies. It doesn't do it. If anything, it's been proven that watching horror movies and playing video games is a

release. According to Todd Hollingshead from id Software, he and I were having a conversation about this the other night when he was saying that violence among kids has gone down since popularity in video games and violent video games has gone up. That it has sort of a cathartic release sort of a thing. That's what they believe in japan too i think it's turning us into superhumans with dry i think there's better driving from video games the other day somebody just the world record for sniper shooting uh a guy shot somebody a mile and a half away you know i think that video games that's from

video i think video games hand-to-eye coordination is off the fucking hook i mean when if you think about it like uh uh if how much it is like for people that play video games all day it's all about hand-to-eye coordination it's about yeah you know shit like that what's amazing is that they use the same controller for the xbox for those drones yeah they use the xbox controls and playstation controllers there you go see it's used to doing that right i mean if they allow them to choose if you know they get to the army guys like can you do playstation i'm more of an xbox sort of a guy you think they do that they have different well we only do remotes xbox to me is like you know it's like marvel versus dc you know it's never a dc kind of a guy like marvel right you know

well fucking ps3 i ain't fucking playstation those are faggy sure there must be dudes like that out there totally they go into the army but say, man, I was pissed off. I had to play with a PlayStation. I had to kill people with a PlayStation remote. Hell, they're mad. I wanted to represent Xbox for my country. The Navy is all Wii. Nintendo Wii. Yeah. Yeah. They're all

bowling and shit. Just kidding. But they do pilot those drones with the same controllers, which is really crazy. When I first heard that, that they do pilot those drones with the same controllers, which is really crazy. When I first heard that, that they do that, I was like, that is genius. Makes sense. I mean, why not? These kids, they grow up and they're so goddamn coordinated with that shit.

If you wanted someone to be awesome at killing people with remote-controlled devices, who the fuck would you get besides them? Yeah. They're the masters. Well, they use it now. In the Army, they use video games for going into cities and stuff. They have, like, Call of Duty shit. Dude, it's crazy. use it now in the army they use video games for going into uh cities and stuff they have like you know call of duty shit dude it's crazy if you if you if you really watch like some young kids that are badass video game players like i got a chance to uh watch this dude named fatality

his name's jonathan wendell i think is his name i met him in vegas too he's a really cool guy he's a ufc fan i met him at one of the u's and he lives in Vegas and this dude is the number one he was at least at one point in time the number one Quake player in the world and I got to see him play live once it was at E3 the big electronics thing in the conference

or whatever the fuck it is convention in Los Angeles and I got to see him play Quake live it was ridiculous Quake is like fast twitch muscle fibers it's all like what Quake is if you've never played Quake is like fast twitch muscle fibers it's all like what Quake is

if you've never played Quake before and good for you because that shit will dick the fuck out of you that shit ate up years of my life

it's an awesome game and you're in this three dimensional world it's a first person shooter so you're holding a rifle or a rocket launcher or something and you're running

through these really complicated three dimensional mazes and you're fighting other people in near real time and it is real time if you hook the two computers up and you play running through these really complicated three-dimensional mazes and you're fighting other people in near real time. And it is real time if you hook the two computers up and you play against each other.

It's so fucking fun. It's so fun. It's so crazy. It's fucking bananas. I almost said bananas again. God damn it. Rockets are flying and rail guns and you're electrocuting dudes with a light gun, lightning gun, lightning bolt gun. So much goddamn fun.

I watched this dude play this guy live. He played challengers. People would step up and play him. It was the most ridiculous rape you've ever seen in your life. It would be like Brock Lesnar fighting my cat. That's what it was like. I mean, these guys would just get destroyed. And you watch this guy's hand-eye coordination.

You're like, man, that's incredible. To get that good at one specific type of game, coordination you're like man that's incredible to get that good at one specific type of game to get locked in you know that's totally applicable for like warfare

right fuck we're learning how to kill people with video games it's like that Starfighter movie remember that movie

where they went and they put a game out to see who would be awesome remember war games it was like all based off of a video game or something like that. It was going to cut into the world.

Yeah, Matthew Broderick was a hacker. See, that's a movie you can't watch nowadays because that's just gay. If you watch that, you're like, this is the most unbelievable bullshit ever. I watched Aliens the other day. When I was watching Aliens, they had the scene where he was talking to the computer

and the computer's like old-ass text. They haven't even figured out a graphic user interface back then. There was like no idea that that would ever take place. It was like computers were all lights all around you for no reason. Everything was all lit up and big and stupid. It's like, oh, that's your computer? How

ridiculous is that? It's like Star Trek. It's just... Yeah, so who knows what the fuck is ever going to happen with this smart dust shit, but, you know, I find it amazing that this is something that's on, you know, CNN labs on, you know, on the internet. But I'm not hearing about this anywhere. Is anybody hearing about this? Was that published April 1st, by the way? I'll say right now.

Was it? No, May 3rd. How dare you? No, I'm just double checking how dare you it just seems ridiculous no it was yesterday it does seem ridiculous

but it was yesterday so this is a real project a real thing I mean if that's really happening right now I mean are they gonna let us know when it goes live

I just don't see how like the government's allowing that dude they're just doing it there's no there's no precedent it's like Google Maps I mean they're they're doing some nutty that dude they're just doing it there's no there's no precedent yeah but it's like google maps they're i mean they're they're they're doing some nutty shit man they're just just i mean google maps actually has gotten in trouble for a few things there has been some

some disputes about what they are oh yeah whole city's not gonna be allowed yeah but what these guys are doing is you know i think they probably feel like they're just creating a network you know i don't know i don't i mean maybe they're just creating a network. I don't know. Maybe they're exaggerating the capabilities. Maybe there's some dispute about what's going to be possible and what's not going to be. But the bottom line is they're not going to stop here. They're not going to stop with this.

If this is something they're creating in 2010, what the fuck are they going to have in 2020? What are they going to have in 2030? There's going to be some nutty shit son it's getting fucking crazy or it's like us talking about 10 years ago and nothing really like oh we don't have vcrs anymore we have blu-ray you don't think a lot of things have changed in 10 years yeah to a point but then you also also think like on the high end level well not not the high end but the higher end of technology things have changed drastically like with the large hadron Collider and those guys in Massachusetts that are trying to recreate a sun. They're trying to figure out how to make a fucking sun. What is that about?

I don't even know the exact specifics of that case. I'll look it up. Scientists trying to create sun. So, UFC coming up. That's crazy that he injured his shoulder. That's not the UFC. That was another one. Which one's this coming up?

That's a future one. I think his is, he was on the undercard of Rashad Evans, I think. I don't know, to be honest with you. Yeah. Nuclear fusion. Scientists attempt to create artificial sun on Earth. Oh, nothing's going to happen wrong there. That's definitely going to be fine.

They're going to make a fucking sun. We're going to have little portable suns that exist all around the Earth. That would be pretty sweet, though. Yeah, unless it blows up like the fucking oil tanker. No, what if you have your own portable sun that just followed you around and kept you warm? Yeah, unless it blows up like the fucking oil tanker. No, what if you have your own portable sun that just followed you around and kept you warm? Yeah, unless it blows up like the fucking oil tanker. Could you imagine?

Yeah. Why do you always look at the bright side of things? Why do you always look at the bad side of things? Together we work out. We're like the odd couple. Ta-da, ta-da.

We're like Tom and Jerry. There's two things on the shoulder, like the devil and the angel. Tom and Jerry. That's Animal House, son. Yeah. Remember Animal House? Yeah, it's on everything, I guess.

Yeah, it's been on a million things. There was a comic that used to do an act like that norm mcdonald's making fun of him remember oh yeah remember he had like a logical illogical or right left brain right brain um so look we don't know what the fuck is really happening with the smart dust uh but you you gotta read imagine snorting this? People are going to find a way to take his snort and get high off of it. I got high off the smart dust, dude. The HP shit? Yeah. This is hilarious. The research, this is despite these differences,

researchers say the smart dust theory that monitoring everything will benefit humanity remains essentially unchanged. They believe that everything will benefit humanity remains essentially unchanged. They believe that this will benefit humanity to monitor everything. Wow. Maybe. I think they might be right. I think we might have to accept the fact that technology is going to keep moving forward.

And if technology keeps moving forward, what is the end result? What's going to be the end of the rainbow? what is the end result? What's going to be the end of the rainbow? Is there a singularity, as Ray Kurzweil would say, or Terrence McKenna said, time wave zero? Is there a moment of ultimate novelty, a moment where they create something that's so fucking crazy that it changes everything?

This is probably the beginning, man. This smart dust shit is probably the fucking beginning. Google is probably the beginning. Yeah, Google is a part of it, man. that browser that chrome browser is fucking amazing it's my favorite browser by far yeah so this this nuclear fusion thing this this these scientists trying to create this this actual artificial sun or you know a natural sun i guess it would actually be a sun i mean it's made out of the same elements that a star is made out of right i mean if it's a sun it's a sun it's not like a fake tit right maybe it's a fucking sun well maybe they're

just you throwing that name sun around maybe it's just a really hot light bulb yeah well it just seems wait wait wait what's the sun it's a planet no it's in the telegraph if you want to if you want to look it up it's in the telegraph it's a really bright star as of yesterday oh no okay no it was uh published and since it was published in 2008 2008 all right there's a host so i think they're moving no it's not a hoax dude they're moving oh my god look at it there it is right there jesus christ this image of this thing is like a fucking x-men inside the target chamber where scientists will attempt to create an artificial sun. What the fuck, man? Yeah, but what's the latest update? I don't know.

Research shows that these two guys were just smoking a lot of weed. I don't think there was... The sun didn't exist. They just made it in paintbrush. It's pretty fascinating when you listen to it. While it seemed an impossible goal for nearly 100 years, scientists now believe they are on the brink of cracking one of the biggest problems in physics by harnessing the power of nuclear fusion, the reaction that burns at the heart of a sun. They really think they can do this?

Wow. Are people allowed to have the ingredients to make a sun? It seems like you shouldn't be allowed to have the ingredients to make suns. Well, I mean, look, the Manhattan Project basically harnessed the power of a sun. That's what nuclear energy is, right? Right. So you're not allowed to buy weed, but you're allowed to make nuclear explosions. Fireballs. Yeah, this is sort of an older story it seems like i'm finding it from 2008 with no uh no updates updates find one of the scientists names and then just google that

guy's name and then under more options in google click the last month listen to you crazy fuck yeah it seems like december 27 2008 is when the no here's 2009 again uh oh oh they're trying to make it in 2018 that's when they believe it'll be but the bottom line

is some shit is fucking happening that's the bottom line these while we think about Tiger Woods and you know did you hear the

new show they're putting together they're trying to put together a show where Tiger Woods mistresses are gonna get together with Jesse James mistresses and they're gonna search for love they're gonna have put together a show where Tiger Woods' mistresses are going to get together with Jesse James' mistresses. And they're going to search for love.

They're going to have a game show. Are you serious? They're all together. What did you hear? They're making a porno out of the one main porn star that supposedly fucked with Tiger Woods. She's making a porno with Tiger Woods' lookalikes. You could make real shows with all those girls and people would tune in every week. You could just put them as a cast.

That's what they should do. Any scandal that comes out, they should take the cast members and put them as a cast on other shows. They'll start out with like, you put them on The Apprentice. See if you can figure out a way to make a business. Now you don't have any more money coming from Tiger. You've got to figure out what you're going to do. You're going to have to make money.

And you're in the public eye, so let's put you on TV. So they get on The Apprentice, and they try to figure out if they can start a business. Well, that's no good. Well, oh, I always wanted to be a singer. Okay, American Idol. You put them all, the whole American Idol, the whole season, Tiger's Mistresses. Well, you can't sing. Can you dance?

And put them all Dancing with the Stars the whole season. Tigers and Mistresses on Dancing with the Stars. I mean, how many more of these stupid stories can we have? While nutty shit is going on, like people trying to create suns and these little tiny sensors that go over the world. How many people are aware of this smart dust stuff? This should be a huge fucking story. This should be something that makes everybody's jaw drop

where you step back and go, what are they going to do? They're going to monitor everything. What does that mean? What exactly does that mean? I mean, is it going to start with just little bits of information like there's a person in this area?

Is it going to eventually get to a point where they can have your image and you can see everything everywhere? And eventually, are they going to get to a point where you're going to be able to tap into that shit with your fucking brain? It just seems like there should be voting before this would ever happen for real. But there's not. There's no voting on whether or not we go to Afghanistan.

You vote a president in, and then the president gets to decide all sorts of fucked up shit that nobody wants. If you allowed the American people to decide, 90% of the shit we got involved in would never happen. So we have it set up where you don't get to decide. You get to decide on who gets to decide. That's what you get to decide on, which is fucking ridiculous. Because the idea that one guy should be trusted to fucking run everything in this day and age, where as much as we know about how complicated the world is, that's fucking nonsense. That's total nonsense.

know about how complicated the world is, that's fucking nonsense. That's total nonsense. But yet we accept it. The right way to do it would be to have everybody vote on things. The problem with that is people are fucking stupid. They're really easy to manipulate. You could tell them all sorts of shit that's not true and the dumb ones would all buy it and the dumb ones are more than half. So now what do you do? So it's almost like you have to have someone who you think is pretty smart to get into power so that he can make the decisions for ones are more than half. So now what do you do? So it's almost like you have to have someone who you think is pretty smart to get into power so that he can make the decisions for you guys and look out for your best interest. But that's when money gets involved and they get fucking corporations and the corporations come with the long money to make sure that you get an office.

But once you get an office, like, you know, man, like we really like the oil that we're getting from the Amazon jungle and we like to keep getting that shit. And, you know, there's some places we like to cut down some trees. There's a lot of bitches hating, you know, and they go, I got you. I got you. I got you. You want to cut down trees? Let's cut down trees, son. This is what we do. We're going to go over there. We're going to give them a giant ass loan that they can't pay back. And then when they can't pay it back, we'll go jack them and take their shit. And we've been doing that since fucking the beginning of time. There's, there's money involved. And when there's money involved, you can't ever have real power. The real power can't be isolated

in one area. There can't be all this influence where one group or one person or one organization gets to control shit. Because then everybody's going to be trying to kiss ass to that organization to get them to do what they want. So they can conduct business. And that's what we're dealing with.

That's why people can't vote for everything. Because a real democracy wouldn't work. We're fucking babies what we're dealing with. That's why people can't vote for everything. Because a real democracy wouldn't work. We're fucking babies. We're infantile. There's no way, with the way we've been living in our society, like there's some big daddy looking out for us. There's no way we can go from that

to being able to be completely free and vote for everything that happens. It'd be too complicated right now. That shit's going to take a long time, but I don't think it's ever going to happen. I think something's going to just bypass it and launch our culture and launch our civilization into the next stage. I think we're never going to evolve as we are in this form. I think this form is all about fucking and violence and chaos and laughter and nonsense. That this life that's this life this lot life is all about love and friendships and shit you like to do and fun and it's hang on hang on to

the big ship that is humanity because some shit is going to change and you're about to go through a new door and when we go through that new door all this shit that you've been worrying about about whether or not you should get a mac or a PC or whether or not you're a Democrat or a Republican or whether or not you like Family Guy or fucking fuck those hacks, I like South Park. You know, that's all going to be nonsense when the big change happens. And I think it's coming. I think it is really fucking coming. And I think you see things like this little smart dust thing and you see things like people

trying to create suns and you see things like what's going on with the fucking oil spill, where there's going to be some radical changes in the way people approach extracting oil from the ground now. People are going to demand this is going to be a catastrophe. I think some shit is changing, dude. I think shit is changing. It's freaky. It's freaky to think that the ridiculous notion of 2012

being the end of humanity, that a date can actually track. It seems like it's happening that way. I would not be shocked if December 21st, 2012 actually does turn out to be some sort of crazy invention or insane innovation that catapults the human race into the next stage of existence. You know what it's going to be? It's going to be nothing. Could be. It's going to be completely nothing. It's going to be like turning 2000.

It's going to be like the computer virus at 2000. It might not be, dude. Or it might happen before then. I mean, it might be a rough estimate. But I think there's going to be something that takes place. And I think it's going to involve information. I think LA is going to have a bad earthquake. I think that's definitely going to happen.

I think so. Yeah. I think that's definitely going to happen i think so yeah i think that's just lately i every day on my uh chrome or my home page the thing that pops up is my google page and one of the things my widgets is the earthquake map for los angeles and if you've been watching ever since that earthquake in san diego for the last what was that a month and a half ago are you an earthquake earthquake expert, or is this just rambling? No, this is, I see the same, I've been following earthquakes just as a hobby, I guess,

for the last seven years. I go to this website that just shows the earthquake map. See, dude, if you believe in the secret, you're creating earthquakes right now. No, no, no, I'm not, but anyways. You're like manifesting it. Current earthquakes, and ever since... Oh, you're a freak. You go to a goddamn earthquake projection center? Yeah, it just shows you the earthquakes recently.

But ever since the San Diego earthquake, there has been so much activity in Mexico. Like maybe a hundred times more than it normally is. Like just tons and tons and tons of it. There's a big-ass earthquake right under the house of some crazy Mexican drug dealer. I know. That's what I'm saying you need to put a layer drug dealer layer map over this Google map to see what's going on because ever since like a month and a half ago it's been retarded so do you have a fear of earthquakes I don't have a fear but I'm

interested in them it's just weird like every day like right the last whatever couple days week there's been 920 earthquakes in Los Angeles or in California and usually that hovers about that same number. Lately, though, almost all of them have been in San Diego. There's just so much shit that can fuck us up, man. There's so much shit that can fuck us up. I have an earthquake fetish, that's right. Oh, I got another good story.

Let me make a pee-pee. How about this guy who the... You have to pee? You have to make a pee-pee. You faggot. You, you have to pee? I have to make a pee-pee. You faggot. You can't even hold on? I try. Wait,

I'll pee in the flashlight. Oh, don't do that. Go in the bathroom. How rude. While you go in the bathroom, I'll take questions. And when he comes back

from the bathroom, we're going to talk about this dude. His name is George Reckers and he is a Christian right leader and he just got busted with a twink.

I love these stories, man. This dude is like this real staunch anti-gay activist. He's a board member of something called the National Association for Research Therapy of Homosexuality. And it turns out he's really gay. It turns out that he was trying to pass all this legislation he was uh he's in the american college of pediatrics or of pediatricians and apparently the american american college of pediatricians that's like the name of it but it really like they hand out literature according to this one website accusing gays of something called coprophilia, C-O-P-R-O-P-H-I-L-I-A

which means sexuality while playing with shit coprophilia, so they're accusing gays of this coprophilia, this philia, this obsession this sickness and saying how terrible gays are and how adopted children

that are adopted to gay families are all fucked up. And meanwhile this dude the entire time was banging dudes. It's really goddamn classic. He was caught on vacation with something called a rent boy. He went to rentboy.com. Rentboy.com. And this is what he advertised for. This is the guy that he went with. He has a smooth, sweet, tight ass and a perfectly built 8 inch cock, uncut.

And he explains that he is sensual, wild and up for anything. So they catch this dude, George Reckers of North Miami. They catch him, the leading scholar for the Christian right. They catch him at a terminal with his gay escort and start taking pictures. And this is what the guy's excuse was.

He says, I had surgery. I can't lift luggage. That's why I hired him. That's fucking awesome. That is pretty good. That's awesome, man. It's like the tickle party.

Rentboy.com. I mean, if you were a gay dude and you were so tired of people fucking with other gay dudes and coming up with all these laws that make it impossible for you to get married and make it more difficult for you to adopt children and make it more difficult for you to get all sorts of shit that shouldn't be denied from you because of your sexual preference. If you're not doing anything to harm anybody else, it's ridiculous. They would even entertain that there's something wrong with it. This one motherfucker is just going off, just involved

in so much, so much legislation, so much, so much activism against homosexuals. And meanwhile, this fucking dude, advisory roles with Congress, the White House, Department of Health and Human Services and testifying at a state's witness in favor of Florida's gay adoption ban. This motherfucker's going to rentboy.com and getting twinks.

He's getting twinks. If you know what twinks are, twinks are the little boys that gay dudes like. Gay dudes like 19-year-old boys that don't have any muscle and they look like little boys. They call them twinks. This dude was going and getting twinks and was like,-year-old boys. They don't have any muscle and they look like little boys. They call them twinks.

This dude was going and getting twinks. He's like, oh, I had surgery. I had surgery. Wow, I thought twinks was Twilight fans or something like that. No, twinks, the original twinks, is little gay dudes. My mom's rude then because she was calling me a twink. Wow, she called you a twink? I'm sure your mom doesn't know what that means. Your mom's

got some fucking Betty Boop definition of twink. That means somebody that likes hard candy. Shit she heard on Little Rascals. What the fuck does she know? This is like the Ted Hager case just as good. It's like so many uh just as good it's like so many of these cases there's been so many of them it's almost impossible to map um you know uh god what

was that guy's name that was uh he worked mark faber he was another guy right there's been so many of them so many people that are that are that are anti-gay that turn out to be gay it's uh it was favor the one that was trying to bang kids. He was gay, and he was trying to bang his assistants and his congressional pages. That's what he was doing. I think that's his name, Faber.

Whatever. If it's not, you know what the fuck I'm talking about. There's so many of these guys that are trying to fight against gay people and trying to stop people from doing things and they turn out to be gay. How do they not know that people are going to check? At this day and age? How do you not know that if you're a guy who's like just spending an exorbitant amount of time trying to fight the gay agenda, trying to stop gays from having the same rights as straight couples,

trying to just suppress people, wouldn't you think they would look at you? Wouldn't you think they would check you out? Yeah. It seems like it's so weird when it's always the loudest person. Always. It's an incredible, the suppression of others for no reason. When you look into someone trying to suppress someone else's wants and desires for no reason, you have to look at that person and you have to scrutinize where they're coming from because that's not natural. That's not a natural thing. Like, why would you care? They're gay. They're having fun. You know, what do you give a shit? As long as he doesn't try to fuck you, you shouldn't have a problem with him. You know, there's a bunch of gay people. They find the other gay people. They have a good

party together. Who cares? Why do you care? You know, it doesn't make sense if you care, but if you do care and you're out there fighting it, man, we got you. We know now. It's obvious. It's all of you. How many of you? The Larry Craig guy. How many of you have to get busted? It's fucking bananas.

I said it again. Shit. Bananas. You should be sponsored by Chiquita I should be yeah but I'm gonna be sponsored by the Fresh Fly cause fucking my manager can kiss my ass

by the way I can't stop thinking about this it's ridiculous don't fuck it don't fuck it I kissed it it tastes real too

eww dude I hope some big fat sweaty dude was working at the factory inspected by number 20. Yeah, good. It's good.

I put it up my butt. Feels perfect. I love it. I love it. Yeah, there's another senator that got busted watching porn in Congress. That's hilarious. Yeah, there's too many fucking people out there telling other people how to live their lives. It's ridiculous, and we shouldn't tolerate it anymore. At a certain point in time, we have to say, fuck you. That's enough. You know,

it's too, it's too crazy. And every one of them that are telling people what to do with their lives and what they shouldn't be doing, it doesn't hurt them. Every one of them are fucked up across the board. Whether they're Muslims that want to throw rocks at you for drawing pictures of Muhammad or dancing or whatever the fuck it is, whether it's Catholics, whether, no matter anybody that's trying to suppress your behavior, they're all fucked up. If you're not hurting anybody else, you're fine. Nobody's got this thing wired. Nobody, nobody is control of the fucking oil. Nobody knows what's happening. The oil is pouring out of the ground. 40,000 fucking gallons a day, Brian, at least.

Who knows? There's no answers, folks. And that's important because if we're ever going to get past where we are now, we have to realize that no one is, we can't leave the control to like someone who we think is like more qualified than us and someone who's on it like Obama or the idea of Obama or some, any guy being president and being on it, you can't be on the world. You can't be on the country. It's impossible. Nobody can. And we have to accept that.

And until we do, we're going to fucking hurdle out of control. I agree. And even if we do accept it, I think it's too late. I think what's going to save us and what's going to change us is technology. That's what I think. Yeah. Totally. I think think when we realize i think we're slowly starting to realize how full of shit people are we're slowly starting to as we get more and more intrusive into people's

lives where we're you know we're exposing like another level of you know of understanding of human beings and busting politicians and busting... I mean, there was no... Like that guy that got busted, Elliot... What the fuck's his name? Spitzer? Spitzer, yeah, in New York.

I mean, nobody got busted like that before. Nobody's ever gotten busted like that. What happened? Is he in jail now? Well, you know, that guy was a guy that was very vocal about the market, about the market being all fucked up and corrupt and talking about all these companies.

And he believes that that's one of the reasons why they went after him. And that's one of the reasons why they prosecuted him. Meanwhile, the guy was busting people for prostitution and he was using prostitutes. That was another example. He was a guy that was all adamant against, we're going to stop prostitution. Like, oh, what a good thing to stop. Stop people getting their dick sucked. Why would you do that?

Why do you give a shit? You're going to really put so much effort into that? Well, it turns out the reason why he's doing it is because he was covering up the fact that he's using them. He is no different than all these crazy gay activists that are secretly gay. He's hating. He is trying to cover it up so we should look at anyone that's like a huge like loud person on a certain topic like the guy that likes slim jims that wants you to snap into slim jims probably hates no no you're not seeing

it correctly at all that's i know what you're talking about i was just joking i know what we have to look in is anyone this is is the formula, in my opinion. This is what I've seen drawn out of it. You have to look at anyone that is trying to suppress the behavior or the desires of anyone else where it shouldn't concern them. Whether it's someone who is trying to stop you from...

Whatever the fuck it is. Whether it's masturbation, whether it's anything. If they're trying to suppress your desire, if they're trying to stop you from marrying the fuck it is whether it's masturbation whether it's anything if they're trying to suppress your desire if they're trying to stop you from marrying other gay people you stop gay rights look at them look at them find out what the fuck it is they're trying to suppress prostitute we gotta stop prostitution find that guy he's getting his dick sucked he's paying for it he's a fucking freak he's a freak and he's crazy all the people that are

trying to suppress people from doing things that don't affect the person who's trying to stop them from suppressing things. Just leave people the fuck alone. And if you don't leave people the fuck alone, you're the problem. You know, that's really what it is. This Elliot Spitzer guy, you know, yeah, maybe you were exposing, you know, these, these flaws in the market. Maybe you were exposing corruption, but guess what? Douchebag. You were also getting people locked in a cage because somebody gave somebody money to get their dick sucked. Which is fucking nonsense. In 2010, you can go to jail because you can suck someone's dick for free. But if they give you $5, you're a bad person.

That's ridiculous. It is ridiculous. That's completely ridiculous. And then anyone who's trying to suppress anybody else's desires or needs, and they're trying to suppress them in a way that has nothing to do with them. You've got to look at them. They're all fucked up. They're all doing something shitty. Yeah, I agree.

I'm glad you agree with me. That rant tapered off at the end, right? It was pretty good at the beginning i had an important point but somewhere around the fucking two hour mark of these things you just you'll lose the creative magic and formulating your sentences you know i like your setup this week it's awesome but one thing i think i just killed sperm uh with laptop on my lap oh yeah just cooked my balls well you gotta do it like I do it. You have the lap off to the side. That's the move.

If you put your laptop, if you move this thing and you put your laptop, like you put your microphone here. Right. See, folks, we're fucking ghetto. This is not a planned out

situation here. So we covered everything that I want to cover. As far as UFC predictions, people keep asking me UFC predictions. I never give UFC predictions because who the fuck knows what's going to happen.

They're super exciting fights. The main event, of course, is spectacular. Lyoto Machida versus Mauricio Shogun Hua. Very, very interesting fight. A lot of people thought that Mauricio won the first fight, but if he did win it, he didn't kill him. He didn't really stop him. didn't really, you know, he didn't stop him, he never really hurt him badly, he never really had a real dominant moment

in the fight, he just edged him, a lot of people felt like he edged him, and a very exciting fight, and I think that, you know, Lyoto is going to have a completely different strategy most likely for this fight, very excited to see that, he's a very strategic dude, and I think also he's going to be, the both guys are going to be more prepared. They're going to know what the other is capable of. They're going to review the first fight and go over mistakes and go over when they landed and, you know, and go over like maybe tendencies that each might have that might, maybe they can exploit. So I think the second fight is going to start out a chess match. You know, they're going to be, both guys are going to be doing things that they think are going to benefit out a chess match. You know, they're going to be, both guys are going to be doing things

that they think are going to benefit them in this fight that maybe they didn't do in the first fight. Maybe we'll find guys might start off the fight a little bit more cautious. That could be interesting. You know, see if maybe Shogun plays the role of a counter striker initially. Or maybe they just get to it like it's round six.

Maybe they just fucking go at each other. That's very possible too. You know, maybe that even more so because of the controversy involving it like it's round six maybe they just fucking go at each other that's very possible too you know maybe that even more so because of the controversy uh involving some of the fights lately where guys haven't been exciting like the anderson silva fight where he kind of slacked off over the last two rounds and people even criticizing jose aldo for his last round of his fight so if that's the case if they're affected by that stuff maybe they might come out and try to prove a point i don't think that's going to happen because too much is at stake.

And both guys are too dangerous. They're both two of the most dangerous and explosive guys in that light heavyweight division and anything can happen. So, that's my prediction for the main event. Who the fuck knows? Who's the karate guy? Machida.

What do you think of karate as a martial art in general? Well, what Machida does is very smart. He combines the good things of karate with Muay Thai and Jiu-Jitsu and wrestling and boxing. But there's a lot of good stuff in karate. The ability to leap in and leap out. The way they fight,

their footwork is different than Muay Thai guys. Muay Thai guys, they're light on their feet, but they wade in and they get real close to each other and attack you know and they check kicks and attack the karate guys they're all it's almost like fencing like they explode in and explode out and if you're not used to fighting machida he's super hard to deal with because that that explosion just fucking throws you off when he leans way back and he dives in and he's super accurate with things and if he

catches you with one of those he could fuck you up and if he starts lighting you up like pot shot you from a distance you're in trouble that's what happened to rash. And if he catches you with one of those, he could fuck you up. And if he starts lighting you up, like pot-shotting you from a distance, you're in trouble. That's what happened to Rashad Evans. He started just lighting him up. He started, like, laying back, bang, and he comes in and blasts him. And then once he does it a couple of times, that's all he needs to do. He only needs to hit you a couple clean times before you're, like, a little bewildered.

And he's so good at that. He did that to Sokaju. You know, he did that to Tiago Silva, stopped him at the end of the first round. He's a fucking killer, man. He's a killer. And he's going to be trying to do that even more on Shogun than in the first fight. He's going to be more fired up, more motivated. I think he's going to be even better. And then Shogun, he's going to be super confident because he feels like he won that first fight. He feels like he got robbed of the decision. So he's going to be confident and he's going to be fucking coming in guns blazing

and Lyoto's going to be confident and Ly he's going to be fucking coming in guns blazing, and Lyoto's going to be confident, and Lyoto's going to be more motivated, better strategy. It's going to be an awesome fucking fight. I can't thank him that much. You just go by a karate studio, and you're just like,

okay, that little 15-year-old has a black belt. You know, that's your sport that you're going to get. A 15-year-old could have a black belt? Are you kidding me? Well, that's the problem with the thing they call the mcdojos you know the mcdojos the mcdojo syndrome is that you know when martial arts became popular in america i guess in the 60s or whatever when people started watching bruce lee movies in the 70s and shit what happened was people uh got real into karate and karate became a business and they opened up karate schools all over the world you know and people like wanted to learn how to kick people's asses and then it became like some

bullshit mysticism thing and a lot of bowing and they're very cult-like man if you've never been to karate schools or a lot of martial arts schools my taekwondo school was very cult-like you know they're like you know the the the sensei can do no wrong and everything it's yes sir yes sir it's like they're never never an even and equal with you, which is one of the beautiful things about jiu-jitsu. Jiu-jitsu is totally the opposite. Your instructor is just like you. He's super cool and just like you.

You don't have to call him. I mean, if you do call him sir, it's out of respect, but he's going to, sir, I'm your brother, my friend. Why don't you call me sir? You know, John John Machado would laugh if you called him sir. He's just a friendly, cool guy that knows something that you don't know

and he's going to show it to you. So in like jiu-jitsu though, it's way more rare for a 15-year-old to get a black belt in a tight – Yeah, it's really, really, really hard to get your black belt in jiu-jitsu. Martial arts, they have much lower standards than jiu-jitsu. Most of them do. And karate, a lot of schools – See, if you go to a real karate school, like a real Okinawan karate school

or a Kyokushin karate school where they're really rigid, traditional, old school weight, no, they're not going to give you a fucking black belt if you're not ready. You've got to get that black belt. You've got to earn that shit. You've got to go to one of Masayama's fucking schools, one of his affiliates. Those guys, those are serious, hard motherfuckers. Those karate tournaments they fight in, especially the Kyokushin karate tournaments, those dudes are fucking animals. They don't punch to the face, but they kick to the face

and kick to the body and kick to the legs. They're fucking tough, man. That's a hard, hard sport or hard martial art. If you go to those schools, you're not going to be able to get a 9-year-old and get them their black belt. But if you go to one of these Fred Valari schools, they used to be like the United Studios of Self-Defense when I lived in Massachusetts. Hey, you're fucking 12 years old and you got their black belt. But if you go to one of these Fred Valari schools, they used to be the United Studios of Self-Defense when I lived in Massachusetts. Hey, you're

fucking 12 years old and you got a black belt. That's ridiculous. And you can't crack an egg. They don't have any idea how to fight. They're completely lost. They want to do high kicks and kata and fucking knife hand strike you. They literally don't know how to fight. They're taught how to do this stupid dance dance you know they don't even have contact when they spar like in most of the schools did you hear that the boy scouts now have a badge for playing video games which i thought was crazy because then that doesn't that defeat everything the boy scouts about like adventures outdoors and yeah they have a video game badge and like the government man they want you to become a killer

they want you to target their drones did you hear obama made a joke about fucking drones how did you know that you know the whole thing with obama and the he told jokes and jay leno told jokes jay leno kind of bombed no i didn't hear about this the white house i think it's a white house white house press correspondence dinner i think that's what it's called right you didn't hear about this well i ignore all jay oh my god you gotta you gotta check this out because it's fascinating. Obama goes on and everyone's like, Obama did so well. Opie and Anthony were the only ones that said Obama didn't do well. And I fucking completely agree with them. He just butchered the jokes.

The timing sucked. But the jokes were pretty well written. I think some of the guys from The Daily Show or something wrote them for him. And the jokes, but his delivery was terrible. It's all clunky and but he got big laughs but one of the jokes he did and no one's even talking about this one of the jokes he did he said the Jonas Brothers are here where are you Jonas Brothers there you are and he said something about his daughters you know that his daughters uh you know his daughters are very

beautiful but I want to let you know, don't even think about it. I've got two words for you. It was like, spy drone or something drone. What are those drones called? Yeah, the drones. Spy drones? Right. But then he said, I have two words for you.

Like, unmanned drone. Like, what? What are you saying, Mr. President? You're joking around that if one of these boys, who, by the way, are like the most wishy-washy, Christian, non-offensive, non-dangerous, they have fucking these... Wait, you're upset about this? They have these bracelets on.

Yeah, dude. Pilot drone or whatever the fuck he called it. I think that's pretty funny. Dude, it's not funny. He's talking about things that kill innocent people every day. All right. They use that thing in Pakistan, and those things, they launch them into these fucking villages

and launch them to these mountainsides, and people get jacked left and right. Yeah, but you can also say that— There's all sorts of people that get killed. You can say that about joking about anything, airplanes, anything. I mean, you can joke about black helicopters, but black helicopters kill people for the government. Apache helicopters. I mean, drones, that's pretty funny. He just taking something that's like kind of in the news and your example is ridiculous and and here's here's the thing look you when you're the president of

the goddamn united right just like when george bush was president and he said where are the weapons of mass destruction none under here right he's like looking under his desk yeah but drones aren't just made for killing it's for spying and stuff you know they have hellfire missiles on them they're there to find people that are bad and launch missiles but there's also not implying he's gonna spy on the jonas brothers right right he's implying that he's gonna kill them right with with something that they've been killing people with yeah that's so light-hearted that's not like i don't think that's like i think that's that's i think that's attacking somebody because you want to attack the person i think that's ridiculous if you're getting angry about that you think that me saying that him saying that is attacking him well no no you're

obviously taking it like in a like a right i can't believe he's joking about this shit brian brian when you're the president of a country that is literally fucking the whole world i don't see a problem with that involved in two wars overseas and these weird things that happen in pakistan that are i don't know who approves them or how exactly they work where they have these drones that fire these missiles at these people that we don't like. And all sorts of other people die. That's not something I would joke about if I was the president of the United States. I agree, but...

There's plenty of shit to make fun of with that goofy fuck. But to think that he's joking is also kind of acting like my mom getting mad about him. I can't believe he said about this. It's a terrible joke. It's a dumb joke. I don't know why he would think it's funny. I don't know why he would think killing boys that want to fuck his girls

I think it's fucking hilarious. To say that to the Jonas Brothers, I would say that. It's not hilarious. It bombed. It wasn't a good joke. It was like you got the worst response of any of his bits.

It wasn't well delivered either. I think it's brilliant. I can't believe you think that. I would say that if I was the president. That's retarded. Would you say that? You don't think there's any karma in that there's something very serious about being a person who's responsible at least indirectly for many many people dying because of these fucking drones many people crying many families devastated many people

lost their children many people lost their loved ones gone forever but because it's taking place in pakistan doesn't freak you out what if he's involved in drone attacks in Ohio? What if kids you went to high school with got fucking killed, they got their legs blown off because Obama is using drones to target Al-Qaeda in Ohio? Wouldn't that freak you out?

You're saying a what if, though, Joe. You're saying a what if, not what really happened. What I'm saying is, Pakistan is no different than Ohio, man. For you to think that it's okay in Pakistan and not okay in Ohio because I didn't say – because that makes it a what if. Joe, you're making it seem like I'm that sensitive about the Middle East and stuff where I'm not. I don't think about that shit.

You're getting really sensitive about our war and our troops and everything. No, I'm not. I'm thinking like – So I'm making a joke about murder. Yeah, I think you're getting really obsessive about Obama just doing a bad joke, you know?

That's not just a bad joke. It's a ridiculous, irresponsible joke. I think to make a joke like that in the middle of two wars that

people don't approve and all these things that are happening in Pakistan with unmanned drones, I don't think you should be making jokes like that

unless they're fucking hilarious and that joke was lame as fuck. I think it's you should be making jokes like that. Unless they're fucking hilarious. And that joke was lame as fuck. I think it's pretty funny especially when the president says, I think it's hilarious. I think it makes our president seem edgy. I think it seems like he's not playing dumb and trying to

nerf our fucking ears. He's actually saying something that's like wow, that's kind of blue. That's kind of crazy. Dude, military. The president doesn't have the key to the drums oh so his joke is not only it's not correct as well you don't think they would like let him borrow the key so he could kill the jonas brothers is that what you're trying to say thank you very much for chiming in sir yeah but you're saying like you're you know you're like your joke on

baby blowjobs you're saying like you know that's bad to say you know how many people are child molested and stuff if i wasn't no here's an example that you need to use. If I was a child molester and I was out there blowing babies, and then I did a joke about baby blowjobs, then it would be the same as what the president is doing. So the president is killing people with drones right now. Well, the president is the spokesperson for the country, and the country is, in fact, at war and has military that is killing people with drones.

So yes, he's at the top of the food chain. I see why you're upset, but I just don't see it. I understand that you don't see it. I think it's hilarious. I understand. Who said, who, Opie and Anthony were mad too about this? Um, no. I think they were talking about something else.

They were talking about his jokes bombing. They were just, I mean, they were, he was, you know, they were, oh, Opie and Anthony were upset at his delivery. His delivery was terrible. Oh, his delivery. Especially Norton. Norton was going crazy. Like, just fucking pauses and run on bullshit.

I love Norton, but he also loves Jay Leno, you know? Well, Norton was right, and he was honest in his assessment of Jay Leno. Jay was, like, rushing through it. He was, like, rushing through his jokes, but the jokes were lame. He knew he had bad jokes, and I think he thought it was going to be an easy crowd, and he could just squeak by, you know, but I think he thought it was going to be an easy crowd, and he could just squeak by. But I think he realized when he got there that there was some pressure on him. I think a lot of people don't like him now, that poor fuck.

Everybody's all mad at Jay because he took his job back. Why does everybody give a shit? Conan O'Brien gets $35 fucking million, and he gets to go to TBS and do whatever he wants. It's funny how he straight-up lied, lied though on the 60 Minutes the other day. Colin did? Yes, twice. What did he lie about? He said that the reason why he got fired

and not Leno because his payout or Leno's payout was more or something like that. But NBC's like, that's a lie. Their payouts were exactly the same. They also said something like... Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he was just mistaken.

There was another thing. You might have been told that by agents or something too. Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he was just mistaken. Well, there was another thing. You might have been told that by agents or something, too. Something about NBC losing money. But what I find odd, though, is that I checked ratings the other day. Jay Leno's ratings and Conan's ratings are almost exactly the same as they were if you were going from year to year, from last year to this year or whatever. Exactly the same. So there's no money. There's no, like, Leno's number one making $50 million extra a month. It's been exactly the same. So there's no money. There's no like Leno's number one making 50 million dollars

extra a month. It's been exactly the same. He was before this whole scandal. But they're thinking that he's eventually going to bring it back to where he was before.

That he's going to take over the reins and have it back to where it was. Because when he left he was number one. I don't know man. The whole thing

is a stupid argument. Like who cares? It's just entertainment. And not only that it's not the best entertainment. If Conan had a talk, not a talk show rather, but like a sketch show, I think that would rule. That's what I would like to see. Because I think Conan's, the best parts on Conan was when he does those sketches. Like when he did those, the baseball player, the 1800s baseball players.

When he went there and played baseball with them. When he was talking 1800s speak. It was fucking hilarious. That was way better to me than his interviews i mean his interviews are cool but most of the people that he's talking to it's like what are they doing they're just selling some shit they just want you to see their movie they just you know want you to buy their book or want you to listen to their music it's like you know it's like he's just helping them sell shit it's gotten so bad in general of how bad like uh Jimmy Fallon, they have a whole, they

had a whole like 10 minute sketch the other day on Subway and it was a commercial and it was like people were, there was actors involved and they were like doing skits all about Subway. Oh, Subway subs? Subs. Like $5 footlongs was the whole thing they were talking about. And it was an ad for like 10 minutes. Ugh.

Ugh. Well, you know, if it was funny, I wouldn't have a problem with it. You know? Especially for the fleshlight. Have you seen that one commercial where they rip off Brian Callen's act? There's a commercial, like an Old Spice commercial, where this guy's like doing Brian... Look at my stance. Look at me.

On the horse? On the horse? I have an apple. Yeah. Dude, that is Brian Callen. Are you serious? Fuck yeah. That's like one of the most popular commercials.

That dude's like super rich now. That guy sounds like Brian Callen's act. And all these people are saying that. And apparently advertising executives do that all the time. They see comics, they go to comedy clubs and get an idea from their actor. Here's something weird. And they make commercials out of it. Here's something weird.

There was a movie called Miss March. It was, I forget the plot. I was half drunk watching this movie. And the chat, what's craig robinson is that his name he played a character in this movie called horse cock dot mpeg and the whole time i'm watching it it's like they call it his character yeah and the whole thing the joke was his that his character he was a rapper named horse cock dot mpeg and the whole time i'm thinking like that's kind of weird because of your uh horse bit material about being uh mr hands dot mpeg and the whole time i'm thinking like that's kind of weird because of your uh horse

bit material about being uh mr hands dot mpeg that's no that's not weird at all but it's weird that like how there's so much similar things like that i'm wondering like you know writers and people in marketing and commercial and stuff if they really just you know just well that's a ridiculous connection anybody could come up with really mpeg look it was a real video man you know yeah but only you, of all people, focused in on a point that was called MrHands.MPEG. No, I think that's silly.

I think that's silly. That's what it's called. You can't... I mean, just because I've talked about it on stage, I mean, that is what it is. You can't say that somebody stole that idea. I didn't say he stole it. I'm just saying it's weird

that there's so many similar things. Like you're saying Brian Callen's... That's stealing. I know they stole it. You know, all these comics have recognized it. It's like the guy is Like you're saying Brian Callen's. That's stealing. I know they stole. All these comics have recognized that. It's like the guy is doing a version of Brian Callen. And probably he doesn't even know probably. He's probably just some actor and he's funny.

Maybe he just has the same voice. No, it's not the voice. It's the way Brian Callen talks about things. He exaggerates. Like sometimes I just take a horse stance. I just stand. He's got this ridiculous act. Like look at my body, toned and defined. I'm eating a peach. Sometimes I just take a horse stance. I just stand. He's got this ridiculous act. Like, look at my body, toned and defined.

I'm eating a peach. Sometimes I just eat a peach. This guy's like doing Callan. Callan has this ridiculous character. It's like someone doing a, you might be a redneck character. Like going up and doing Jeff Foxworthy. Even if he's not calling himself Jeff Foxworthy, like, you know where he got, that came from. But Jeff Foxworthy's famous.

Whereas Brian Callan's not famous. Like if Brian Callan was super famous and then this commercial was out, everybody would be like, this guy's ripping off Brian Callan. You know? It's like he's whereas Brian Callen's not famous. Like, if Brian Callen was super famous, and then this commercial was out, everybody would be like, this guy's ripping off Brian Callen. You know? It's like he's doing Brian Callen. I think that shit's real common. I think they do that all the time and sell things. Hmm.

I don't know about that. Sam Tripoli seems to think so. Sam Tripoli thinks a lot of things that aren't true. Really? Like what? Oh. It's two hours and two minutes yeah

that's just about it ladies and gentlemen so next week we're gonna fuck we're gonna this week we're gonna fuck one of these right we're gonna talk about it

yeah you know what my manager I'm sure would not want me to fuck one of these things especially this one you got the butthole one

yeah I'll have that one well you already shingled the shit out of that one you fucking weirdo so I think I mean definitely send me

some Twitter messages. Tell me what you think. If you think that it's ridiculous to think that I should not accept a sponsorship because somehow or other this is going to hurt my career, I think it's ridiculous. But I would like to hear your thoughts. Am I allowed to accept it? And we could split the screen down the middle?

Yeah. Brian's part of this show is sponsored by Fleshlight. My side is not. You're Chiquita Banana. I'm wrong, and I want to let CBS, NBC, and ABC know that I am ready and willing to do your family game show. Chiquita Banana on this side, Fleshlight. So what do we need back here? Do we need a monitor, or do we need a green screen that's the other question

should it be a monitor or a green screen 60 inch LED 3D DLP no LCD

Samsung that's annoying people at home would have to watch with goggles on and we would be blurring everything else that'd be awesome

no that's ridiculous probably wouldn't even work it probably wouldn't transmit through this little shitty Ustream. What if it did? Fuck is wrong with you? So there's a question too.

Should we do green screen? I say yes. I'm looking at it right now. I'm like, it would be dope if we had an image of space behind us. Totally. That's the move, right? We have to do that.

We gotta get that box. So apparently we can't do that with this Ustream producer though. What I'm worried about is that the Ustream producer is the only way we can get this thing up on iTunes. No, we're just using the Ustream producer to take the signal out to the internet. So we'll plug this into your computer, and this will be an input on Ustream producer. So we'll still be able to use Ustream producer. Yeah.

You know how this thing works? I'm sure I could figure it out. Tricaster? Figured out Ustream producer in five minutes. That's how easy it was. Goddamn genius. Without him, we would be doing the same thing, but it would suck more. And probably the sound would be going on in the background.

All right. Green screen, most people think. So I think that's what we're going to go with. It's unanimous. Thank you, everybody. Yeah, it's all green screen. Everybody's saying green screen. They don't want to monitor.

Monitors are gay. Green screen's cool, right? Totally. Yeah. All right. So that's what we're going to do. That is the next stage. So we have this

and check this shit out. Look how this thing does. At the end of the show, I go like that and it goes down. Whoa, man. Fucking crazy, man. I got that shit

at Z Gallery, yo. So that's our show, ladies and gentlemen. We will see you next week. Tuesday, as always. You know how we rock it. Basically the same every week. And this thing is slowly but surely getting more and more complicated but more professional, smoother. The sound for the iTunes version is going to be way, way way way better now with these professional

microphones and the high-end mp3 player and all that jazz the video should be better now as well and eventually like I said we're gonna have that and next week we're also gonna have HD camera so we'll have two cameras to choose from so we can switch back and forth just get crazy and eventually we're gonna have this thing set up like a real studio there There's another couch chair over here. We'll have it lit up better too because right now it's lit kind of funky. So it rolls on. Thank you very much for tuning in.

I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. Fleshlight.com. Fleshlight.com is where you can go if you want to fuck a rubber pussy. And that's it. So we'll see you next week. Take care.