The Joe Rogan Experience - #1907 - Protect Our Parks 6

Episode Date: December 7, 2022

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special, "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and a new season of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is available now at www.gillyandkeeves.tv. www.shanemgillis.com Mark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube. Try his signature whiskey, Bodega Cat Straight Rye. www.marknormandcomedy.com Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. His new comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube. www.arishaffir.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. Dude, I'll tell somebody I used to do live streaming and you're like, what was I doing? Yeah, we used to do all the shows live streaming. It was so dumb. So dangerous. Boys, we're back.

Oh, are we on? The band is back together. Yay. Yay. Fresh from the club. Suck it, Neil deGrasse, you big, fat queef. Imagine going from that to this. Imagine going from a legit astrophysicist, head of the Hayden Planetarium, to this podcast. He's a sweet guy.

He's a great guy. We talked about the James Webb telescope and new capabilities and some pretty wild shit. Imagine caring. You don't care at all about space? Well, it's a cute photo. It's colorful. No, it's just cool. It's pretty cool. It looks like Bejeweled, that video game.

Imagine if no one was paying attention to space, if everyone was like us. I'm like, I hope everything up there is good. Yeah, whatever that is. I don't know what the fuck that shit is. Just don't attack. As long as no attacks, I'm like, I hope everything up there is good. Yeah, whatever that is. I don't know what the fuck that shit is. Just don't attack. As long as no attacks, I'm fine. Act, act. Even the Native Americans, they would look at it and they would make shit out of it.

Yeah. The constellation. Oh, yeah. Everybody did. The constellation. It was pre-TV. It was the first Connect the Dots. This is the show.

The dots are so weirdly connected, too. How are you getting an archer? How is that an archer? Yeah, you see it. You're drawing random lines in. Yeah, you're just deciding. Orion's belt. Oh, there's a lion.

That's not a lion, you fucking idiot. It was like shitty porn. Remember you watched porn? It was scrambled? You saw a tit every now and then. You guys were whacking off the constellations? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, no doubt about it. It's a bit rounded. Do you remember when you'd stay in these shitty little hotels and they would have like, you'd have to pay money like through a machine to watch porn? Yeah. There was some hotels that you'd pay. Ray Romano has a bit about it because he was like, his porn wasn't working, but he goes, so you have to call downstairs.

But he's like, I have a very recognizable voice. Hi, room 217. I don't know how to do it. Hi, we're up to 17. I don't know what to do with it. That was Gilbert. He did that. Yeah, it's Ray Romano. Hey, that's pretty good. All right.

Not bad. He's a sweet man. He's the best. He's a good dude, man. He kind of made his money and just said, I just want my fucking fade back a little bit. I want my fade back a little bit. Were you around for the vibrating bed with the quarter?

Yep. Yeah. I never saw that. I thought that was a trope. No, I never saw it. I got on one of those once just to feel it. I put the quarter in by myself. Just boom.

Yeah, I got it as a kid. My mom would put them in for us. Yeah. It was so fun. Really? It wasn't good. I don't get it. Michael J. Fox hated it.

Saaab. It bounced them out. Yeah. Some places you would go and they would have the spinning bed. What? Of a circular bed and it spun. That was like the honeymoon suite. Wow.

Like in the 1970s. There was a house that was for sale that, who had it? Will Chamberlain? Let's stay in one position and look at different walls. I think Will Chamberlain had this fuck house that was for sale in the Hollywood Hills, and it was just all decked out just for fucking. He had a whole room with mirrors and a circular bed. Last thing I want is a mirror when I'm fucking.

Holy shit. Take it out of it. Agreed. I don't want to catch a fuck house mirror. You do the fuck house mirror. You're like, oh my God. It looks insane. When I'm on top of a woman, it looks fucking insane.

I know. My back is too curved. Yeah, this is Will Chamberlain's house. Wow. Is that a waterbed? Yeah, like a waterbed. It's wall to wall bed. Yeah, it's all bed.

That's amazing. He was just banging. I bet that's crunchy as shit, though. Oh, it's just, if you got one of them black lights and ran it through that room, it would look like a Jackson Pollock painting. That's what I call a little Chamberlain. Jizz everywhere. Black light. But,

Lisa Ann said John Sally had the biggest dong she'd ever seen. Really? Well, look at the size of him. Yeah, but you never know. He's gigantic. John Sally's like, he's gotta be close to 7 feet tall, right? 6'9", 6'10". Still tall, but Of course he's got a giant dick. Yeah. Even if he had an average dick for his size.

Yeah. Still big. It would be gigantic. I heard Shaq is very underwhelming. Underwhelming. What? How is that possible? How is that possible?

I know a lady. His hands are as big as his table. How is that possible? I think he just looks. You know a lady? I know a lady. That saw Shaq's dick. Yes. And she saidq's dick. Yes.

And she said- In college. Fine. I don't know if this should be out there, but- At LSU, he's still coming into his own. I think, and into her, but I think you expect a fucking anaconda, and then when it's just proportionate, you're like, meh. But you also have to deal with a girl who, like, I fuck Shaq, he ain't shit.

That's true. Yep. Lying. Yeah. Bragging. They do that to me all the time. Every one of them a negative review. Yeah.

They're just trying to get at me. Thank God there's no fuck Yelp. That would be bad. Felp. Felp. They had a review for teachers, and I felt like they should always have to put their grades in before they review. Yeah.

Rate my professor. Yeah. Like, oh, you don't like a D? What did you get? Oh, should always have to put their grades in before they review. Rate my professor. Yeah, like, oh, you don't like a D? What did you get? Oh, a D? And you don't like him? Uh-huh. Strange. We were talking yesterday about how hotels, you get in trouble for smoking, but you can jizz everywhere.

Isn't that a weird system? Well, you don't get secondhand jizz. That's why. What are you kidding? It's all over the drapes. It's just like getting your lungs. Ah, well. Next tenant.

See what I'm saying? I hear you. But what would you rather? A guy blow smoke in your face or jizz in your face? Smoke. Why do I have to choose? Definitely smoke. It's a tough choice.

Yeah, but I'm saying, can we get both? Aren't we here to party? Why are you guys pausing? It's definitely smoke. The answer is smoke. Certainly smoke. Which guy, though? Yeah, John Sally.

John Stamos? I'm taking it. You take a hot one in the face? Oh, from Stamos. Stamos is your guy? Greek yogurt. I'd switch in a second for Stamos. You would trade lives with John Stamos?

No. No. I would trade genders. You would. You've got to be you. You'd switch genders? Yeah. Stamos would switch with you.

Well, in a lot of prisons, you can do that now. That's true. What a fun trick. Who would not do it? What dumb fucks in prison are not going to the... Is that your guy? Full head of hair. He's like 70 years old now, too.

Yep. Wow. Looks great. Yeah, he's a fucking hunk. Is he married? Yeah, married, kids. Man, he's handsome. Beautiful guy.

Beautiful man. Hey, I got one. Bring up that guy in White Lotus' dick from season two. Take a little hit of that. What was that about? I'm scared. No, no, no. Don't be guy in White Lotus' dick from season two. Take a little hit of that. What was that about? I'm scared. No, no, no. I'm scared.

Just a little puff. Come get me later. I don't have to be so scared. Why are you getting me a little buffer? Get me later. Two hours in. Let me see how I'm doing. If I'm slacking, I'm fired up.

345. That's too heavy, dude. We got a full five hours to go here, folks. We'll see when the fun guy kicks in. Yeah. Uh-oh. We're all fun guys. We are fun guys. That was heavy, dude. We got a full five hours to go here, folks. We'll see when the fun guy kicks in. Yeah. Uh-oh. We're all fun guys. We are fun guys.

That was good, dude. That was Mark Norman-like. Hey, welcome, Jew. Good special. By the way, congratulations. Thank you, everybody. Congratulations again. Your special's at 4. what now?

4.5 million in four weeks. That's incredible. Great, we can hang out with you again. Yeah. Have you ever seen a change? Oh, you were falling off. I've never seen a change in personality like this. Well, you know what?

The pop when you got on stage last night was extraordinary. Yes. To a lot of people having seen it. Yeah. And I guess enjoying it. Well, all the people last night are comedy fans. Right. Right, so you gotta assume those people have probably all seen it.

Some of them. The couple to the right. The couple to the right. The couple to the right. We're like, we thought this was a bar. No, you're full of shit, man. You tried to pretend you didn't have a good set last night. It was fine. You had a great set.

It was good. You just have high standards. Last one was better. No, those chicks to the right were annoying. They were tough. They were nothing. You couldn't look at them. They were just like.

There's a chick to the right that just the whole show. She looked like a lesbian in Scooby-Doo. What's a lesbian in Scooby-Doo? Velma. Velma. Velma. Do you guys still concentrate on people in the audience that aren't laughing? Of course.

You just notice them. Especially when it's 20 in one group. Just sitting there. That's why it's good to go on stage high. Throw in your own little head. That's how we work. One guy's not laughing and you're killing. You focus on that guy.

Nick DiPaolo used to yell at people and they did that. Fucked you a problem. Used to. Look at this Nick DePaul used to yell at people when they did that. Fucked you up, problem. Used to. Look at this fucking guy. Used to. I'm sure he still does. Look at these cunts over here. What country are you from, you motherfucker?

He could be fucking killing, and if one person wasn't paying attention, he'd be so fucking mad. Pick a fight. Oh, yeah. Do you hear about the story when a guy was on his phone? It was flip phone days, and he took the phone and put it in his Diet Coke. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Ballsy. You gotta be able to fist fight if you do that. Yeah, because that doesn't work after that.

It's not like an iPhone. iPhones weren't waterproof until like three years ago. That's right. I used to wet the bed. I peed on a lot of roads. Would you ruin a phone with your piss? Nowadays, if it was in your pocket overnight, you definitely would ruin it. You used to be able to send your iPhone to a company

and they would waterproof it. They would dunk it or spray it in some kind of plastic and waterproof all the stuff. Yeah. What was that shit again? I don't know. Chloroform or something? It was like they froze him.

Carbon. Some carbon freeze. Carbonite. Carbonite. Maybe that was it. Yeah, and then they thawed him out for the sequel. Yeah. Turns out he's not dead.

Well, he wasn't. Remember? What's the guy, Luke? Kylo Ren killed him. What's Luke's thing? He was in a Burt's movie. Luke Skywalker. Mark Norman?

Mark Hamill. We're off. We're off to a hot start again. I the Parks is off to another. Mark Norman? Mark Hamill. We're off. We're off to a hot start again. I missed it. Did you have a stinker? No. Oh, okay. No.

I'm just shitting on Star Wars. Yeah, Mark Hamill got in a crazy motorcycle accident between Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. Was it a car accident or a motorcycle accident? I think it was a motorcycle. That's why his face is a little banged up. Yeah. Oh, interesting.

Pull it up. I think it was a car accident, but yeah. Oh, maybe it was a car. Car accident. Was it was motorcycle. That's why his face is a little banged up. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Pull it up. I think it was a car accident, but yeah. Oh, maybe it was a car. Car accident. Was it? Yeah. Ah, shit. Yeah, he wrecked his face, right?

You look different. Oh, he looked real bad. Look at Leno. He looks great. Jay Leno taking pictures with nurse staff. You get a picture and you're like, I'm disformed. Yeah. How bad does it look?

How bad is Leno's scars? He's fine. He looks like an allergic reaction. He's already on stage. Yeah. He was on stage at Comedy and Magic Club the other night. Our senior Hall tweeted about it. I heard his set was fire.

I'll see myself out. How old do you have to be where you can't say fire anymore? Look at it, where he goes. Oh, so he's got some like peeling skin. I thought that was dolazol. So that's him in the hospital with the peeling skin. The denim. What is with the denim?

And he's got every pocket full. You know why? That's a guy who literally doesn't give a fuck what he looks like. You're telling me. Cuts his hair. He's never worked out a day in his life. He just likes working on cars. Full head of hair, though.

By the way, never been happier. Great guy. He's a fucking different human being, man. Now that he's not on the show? Yeah, man. This is what he loves. He was burnt up, man. His hands were all fucked up.

His face was all fucked up. He looks like a fucking addict. He does. He's a cigarette lady with the missing fingers. He looks like a crazy homeless crack guy under a bridge. He does look like Austin. He's going to live in Austin. In the window, somebody's got to put, come to Austin.

He fits in an LA skid row. That guy has 11 warehouses filled with cars. You've never seen anything like it in your life. What a crazy thing to collect. That's going to be your collection. That's what he loves, though. Automobiles. That's why his show's so good.

It's like everybody's got a thing that they really like. And that guy, it's fucking cars. If you go on his show, you go, he should you should have been doing this the whole time everybody would had a completely different opinion of Jay Leno because they thought he was this mild sort of bland talk show host was a very nice guy good joke writer and you'd always hear like legends about back in the day we had a stand-up yeah he was the murderer he was the second best comic behind prior yeah everybody said he was a second best comic behind Pryor. Yeah. Like, Leno?

Everybody said he was a fucking straight-up killer. And he always wanted that Tonight Show. That was, you know, before our time, well, my time, I'm the oldest, right? So it's like, even before my time, what everybody wanted was the Tonight Show. They wanted this. If you could be the host of the Tonight Show. They knew that Johnny Carter, or Johnny... Carson. Carson. They wanted this. If you could be the host of the Tonight Show, they knew that Johnny Carter or Johnny Carson.

Oh boy, dementia's kicking in. Johnny Carson was the guy. One day we'll kick in, right? Yeah, it's a bummer. Yeah, I'm 55. One day I'll be like 80 and it won't work so good. It'll be a smooth transition.

It's going to be nuts. Pretty smart 80-year-olds on the podcast. You know, I think you tend, some people, to get lucky. I think it's a roll of the dice. I smoke too much weed. I'm not going to make it. And you know once you get dementia, they'll be like, it's because you didn't take the vaccine.

They'll be waiting. They'll be waiting. Back in the 20s, you should have been boosted. Hilarious. Well, you can just keep talking about aliens and elk and no one will notice. It'll go right in. It's going to be better. If it gets bad. If you're talking about Sas and elk and no one will notice. It'll go right in. It's going to be better.

If it gets bad. If you're talking about Sasquatch and aliens while you're dementia. That's gold. I met Sasquatch was on this show. I've had guys on the show that said they saw Sasquatch. There's a lot of flat earthers too. It's weird how many flat earthers there are. There's a lot out there. There's a lot out there.

It's so weird that you would. Flat earther. Yeah, he was. That's why he should get a pass. But he It's weird how many flat earthers there are. There's a lot out there. There's a lot out there. Kyrie Irving was a well-known flat earther. Yeah, he was. That's why he should get a pass. But he bailed on that. He should get a pass. He should get a pass on any other theory he has. When people go like the juice thing, it's like, guys, that's what he's into. Wild stories.

You guys understand how crazy what he did was? I talked about it already before in a podcast, but he posted a link to a video. That's it. Don't say this is awesome. Didn't say this is terrible. He got a five game suspension, a bunch of other things, but the fucking video

is still for sale on Amazon. That's the thing. No one cares that it's actually out. It's not like it's hidden. Get mad at them. No one's upset that they're selling it on Amazon for $40.

It's all narrative shit. It's all narrative. They made a narrative that like, oh, you're, then they don't look into it. They just go, this is the narrative. It's not anti-Semitic. This is They just go, this is the narrative, he's anti-Semitic.

This is the new thing. The new thing is if someone is anti-Semitic, man, they just come for you. This is the new thing. This is our, this is the latest, like, clear no suppression. Yeah, they're not going to beat you up, but someone they know runs the media. If there's a thing, though, like, there's a thing

that's in the news. You said it, brother. There's a thing that's in the news you can't deviate from. now that thing is anti-semitism yeah if you express any sam which dude it's like you hired him to say crazy shit because if you think about the anti-semitism comes out all this fucking heat kanye gets canceled people are searching the word canceled kanye yeah yeah who would have thought they could could remove his position with Balenciaga and Adidas and all that stuff? See Balenciaga? Crazy. But it's crazy.

But all this happens, and then you put out Jew. Perfect. It was amazing. You and Ronnie Chang. He came out during the Asian hate. It was pre-Asian hate. They weren't really hating on Asians. I still hate them.

Because Ronnie was big before the pandemic. Yeah, that's true. That special was before the pandemic. That's a great fucking special, by the way. He's a funny guy. He's a classic example. Ronnie is a classic example of a guy who has his own personality on stage. Oh, yeah.

No one's doing what that guy's doing on stage. The way he does it. The anger with that accent. And it's his personality. You get into his mind and his vibe, and he just takes you on a ride. He really keeps it ruse out there. Ah! You son of a bitch.

Can I get that lighter? Yep. Yeah, it was better. One, two, three, go. Can we talk about Artie's change in... He's happy now. I mean, you put this special, it's changed your life. But that's what it was about, fucking him up.

Yeah, he was saying things like, I got a big head now. You were such a little baby. Big nose. I said, let me get my dog. It's hard when everybody's doing well. It's hard. And shit's not going well for you. It's hard.

It's going quite well now. People are watching Andros. I'm very happy. You're killing it. Yeah. You did it all the right way, too. And you took a bet on yourself. Yeah. And you fucking won.

Four and a half million views in fucking less than a month. That's amazing. I told you it's going to reach eight. We had a conversation. It's literally un-fucking-believable. And it's about a niche topic. Never thought that would happen to you.

About a group that people hate. That's incredible. Not right now. No one saw this coming. No one. No one saw your success coming. I mean, this is fucking unbelievable. You have people like, how do you think it's going to do?

I'm like, I don't know. I thought 20K. I thought there's no way. I mean, it's a unbelievable. You have people like, how do you think it's going to do? I'm like, I don't know. I thought 20k. I thought there's no way. I told him 8 million. He told me 8 million. I told him 6 million. And he goes, no, I think 8. I'm like, you're missing the joke. And now he's stuck. I'm going, so guys, if you're watching, just get it to 6 million and prove

Joe Rogan wrong. Everybody watch right now. Joe doesn't believe it's 6 million. Jew on YouTube. Joe does not believe it's six million. Jew on YouTube. Joe does not believe in the six million. And black and gay were in there, by the way. I didn't get the Holocaust joke until right now. Really? Literally. I'm so done.

When you said just get it to six million, I'm like, he's selling himself short. I really think he made it to eight. I literally texted him. You sound like Goebbels. I texted him. I was like, Joe, instead of six weeks and eight million, why don't you reverse those? He goes, no, I believe it'll be eight million. I'm like, I said, Joe, pretend like you're a comedian for a second and look at my numbers.

I didn't get the reference. I didn't get the reference. He doesn't believe in it. You know Big Jay's old joke? You know they have that bread, it's called a challah? Yeah. He's like, I used to go in the deli and go, how much does the challah cost? Oh.

Come on. That's cute. It is to go in the deli and go, how much is the Holocaust? Oh. Come on. That's cute. It is. Ba-dum-bum. It's crazy how that's the topic du jour right now. Yeah. We pick a group every couple months. It is crazy.

Yeah. Everyone has to change their Facebook avatar. It's just this wave of groupthink that goes across the country. I think white men are next. We'll get some love. No. No. Nah, probably not.

We're fucked. We have plenty of advantages. Just leave it at that. Yeah, huge dicks. It's like being a rich guy wanting birthday presents. Great dancers. Can I say about Kanye West, though?

People don't take into account spicy food. Black Skinhead was one of the greatest songs of all time. Yeah. The beat that comes on at the beginning of that is so fucking good. He's fucking sensational.

He's a talent. Let's play some of that. Play some Black Skinhead. Just from second one. Maybe Kanye can sue Spotify, get some money back. Don't put up the long YouTube version. Just the Spotify version. Oh, there you go.

Yeah. He's, I mean, look, he's a brilliant artist. Brilliant artist. Stay off Twitter. He doesn't read, right? Yeah. That's part of the problem. And also, his style of-

Not a Jew. His style, he openly talks about he doesn't read books, but his style of talking is like his style of performance, which is so unbelievable, overpowering, stream of consciousness, beautiful lyrics, bang, bang, bang. Yeah. But he was dominating it, right? Well, he tries to do that with conversations. And when you do that, you know as well as I do when you're just talking wild, you say

shit and then you got to like, do you defend it? Yeah, exactly. Do you double down? You're not going to back down. Do you double down? And maybe you're saying some stuff that you heard some other influential person say. It's so fucking good. Oh, is it all good?

Yeah. Bro, he's got banger after banger Banger after banger All of his albums are legit All of them He's a concert on Amazon Watch it Oh

It's fucking incredible Easy Kyrie When he had the whole Tron outfit He's a real artist That guy He just walked off the Tim Pool show Walked off the Tim Pool show They were talking about anti-semitism

And he just His squad's wild Got up But why did he I don't understand what happened. His squad? His squad, dude. It's him, Milo, and the other guy.

What? They're together? They're chilling, dude. Tim Pool? Whoa. No, Kanye. Kanye. Is he on Milo?

What? I love that. On a private jet. He didn't put respect on the name. So he was like, got out of there. It's a fascinating turn of events this is a weird time it's the weirdest time ever cuz to see Kanye like now he's saying like they're freezing his bank accounts and the FBI wants 75 million from it's

that's you guys who's the last guy rose 75 million and they say owes 50 which is like if he owes 50 why'd you free 75? Interesting. I don't understand any of it, but he's got to be still worth hundreds of millions of dollars. When he said in the beginning, I'm going DEFCON or DEFCON whatever on the Jews, I'm positive he meant, I'm firing my

agents. I'm positive that's what he meant. I don't think that's what he meant. I think it is. I think he wants to kill you guys. Well, he's not doing it. Who's the twink on the left? Is that Dan Bulger? Who is that? It looks like Dan Bulger.

That's the new booker for the comedy store. Is that Milo? No. Yeah, that's Milo. Is he reading the story? He's reading the Bible. I think he's... He's got a Coke spoon.

Oh, yeah. Milo's straight now. Milo's straight now. He came back into the closet. Is that true? Yeah, he's got some straight... I think he prayed to God and he's straight. Oh, and he's got his, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

That is true. He's holding a Bible all the time. He's got the fuckari hat. Fuckari. That's got to be a calendar. He's like organized. No, that's a Bible. That's a Bible.

What? You see the thing at the bottom where the- That's how he stays straight. That's how he stays straight. Milo is the best. Wow, Old Testament. So is that for the how he stays straight. Milo is the best. Wow, Old Testament. So is that for the photo? I mean, Milo is a troll.

Milo is the troll. He was a great, great, great troll back in his day. And he was the first guy they removed and everybody was happy. Yeah, you gotta remove him. And once you start doing shit like that, it just gets slippery and slippery and you just keep going further down the line.

What'd you say about ivermectin? You're gone. What'd you say about Ukraine? You're gone. What'd you say about this? Get out of here. It's all groupthink. He was the first one.

They took away his ability to make a living. Oh, yeah. He was super popular, man. These crypto guys are dying. Well, isn't he Jewish? Who the fuck are you? Milo? Yeah. Is he? No, Greek. Yeah, he's a Jewish? What the fuck are you? Milo? Yeah.

Is he? No, Greek. Yeah, he's a big Greek. I thought he was Jewish. He's married to a black. No, man. Black man. No, he prayed.

Milo Christian? Was he Christian? He might be a part Jewish. He wasn't Jewish? He's everything they should love. Well, it was an amazing place to be. To be a gay conservative who's a witty guy, who's very funny, very well read. Are we talking Tim Dillon?

Dude. He would just go to college campuses and just anger people. When Bill Maher had him on that show, he said to him, you remind me of Hitchens. Whoa. And everybody's like, what is he saying? It's true. There was a moment where people were saying, like, this is this rabble rouser, really smart, gay Republican guy who's hilarious.

He's for sure a rabble rouser. Roman Catholic. Roman Catholic. We're the best, dude. Nice. Congrats. We got one. Foreskin.

We're the best, dude. Mormon Catholic. You see these crypto guys are dying? Roman Catholic. Joe Biden. That's the. We're the best, dude. Mormon Catholics? You see these crypto guys are dying? Joe Biden. That's the second one that's died mysteriously. Is that what's happening? Yeah, so they're next. They're taking out crypto guys?

Give it a go, JMO. How about these people that put all that money in FTX, and now they say that they hired someone to hunt this guy down to find him? Oh, boy. I don't know what anything is. Larry David's very confused. You don't know what this FTX thing is? I heard about it.

I have no idea what it is Larry David's very confused. You don't know this FTX thing. I heard about it I have no idea what it is. It's a channel on thing It's where you have Louie shows dick crypto crypto founder unexpectedly dead at 30 Unexpected coming come on. It's all coming to light is the cause right? What's the cause of death try to be traffic didn't he? Does it say why no they won't let you know Tried to be traffic, didn't he? Does it say why? No, they won't let you know. It's Epstein.

He just died in his sleep. Died in his sleep. Oh, shit. Oh, 30. Get the fuck out of here. Who the fuck dies in their sleep? Look how healthy he looks, too. He's hot. Yeah, look.

He's all thin and healthy. Yeah. 30 years old, dies in his sleep. Fentanyl? You think maybe fentanyl? There's a new one with the helicopter crash there. It could be. It certainly could be.

That's the kind of shit they cover up. Fentanyl? Nobody wants to say their kid died of a drug, so they just go, he died in his be. It certainly could be. That's the kind of shit they cover up. Nobody wants to say. Fentanyl? Nobody wants to say their kid died of a drug, so they just go, I died in sleep. We don't know. Well, they've been actually, it's like the numbers are so high. Yeah, but if you're a fucking billionaire, you're not dying of fentanyl. No. Yeah, you are.

Yeah, you're getting high, and you're going crazy. Yeah, but they get good coke. Yeah, usually. Usually, but someone's like, I'm breaking it out of the cup. You're partying. Look, look. Another guy. Russian billionaire.

The third top cryptocurrency trader to die suddenly in recent weeks. You think that's a new wife or the original wife? That's the 2.0. That's a great wife. That's the step up. Very lovely lady. Damn. She looks good.

Hotter wife than Trump's. Look at him. He's a disaster. Fucking dead. He's dead now. Dunzo. Kobe. Back then he was 53 and barely hanging on with a bomb shell.

End it now, dude. I don't want to make fun of a guy for dying, dude. I don't want to make fun of a guy for dying in a helicopter crash. That would be uncouth. Untoward. Who died in a helicopter crash? That guy. That guy did?

Yeah. No, I thought he died suddenly. No, his other guy was helicopter. It was pretty quick. Helicopter crash was pretty quick. He was a helicopter crash? He'll crawl out of that. Well, I liked you when you were depressed.

Now you don't return calls. You don were depressed now. You don't return calls My ratio of blues to whites and that thread is staggering fuck that dude blues to whites whites always win Well, you don't use the dark screen for your text messages. What are you a savage? What's the dark screen? I was that dark mode. What does that mean black face when your text show up? They look or like look here's when you send me a text. I'll show you what it looks like. Dark mode. Like that.

Yeah, but look at your blues. Yeah, blues and, oh, you mean, but it's still white text. Blues to black. Interesting. Yeah, it's like a dark gray. Oh, that's cool. That's exciting. Better.

It's better. I can't wait to get drunk and turn this thing up. We're getting lit up right now You know what? We had a hard workout last night We all got a little excited I didn't even realize it I got excited

I was like, the band's back You know what's a fun thing to do when you listen to this podcast? Is click forward in two hours Yeah, I would always say It's really funny to listen to the beginning And then just click two hours in And it's would always say it's really funny this is the beginning started two hours ago two hours and it's like ah ah put on r kelly yeah so just to tell you what this ftx thing is they had this cryptocurrency and then they had this thing called tokens it's very difficult to explain all of it yeah but the tokens weren't really

backed up by anything it's all like it's basically a Ponzi scheme. Well, this guy was in competition with another guy who ran another cryptocurrency exchange, and this guy decided to fuck that guy and dump all of his tokens. So he sold all of his tokens, crashed the market,

and then people started trying to pull their money out, and they realized there's not enough money. The whole thing falls apart. This is a very meathead, non-economist version of it, and I apologize for being uneducated about this. But that's what happened. And so this guy went from being worth billions of dollars to, like, fucking nothing. Wow. Like, instantly.

Like, within a week. And now some Bitcoin people who lost a shitload of money because billions of dollars are lost. Not only that, billions are missing. Uh-oh. There's billions that they can't account for. My Coinbase app. I used to have some money in here. Also, some of it got moved to another company.

You can just crash everybody's currency like that. Well, this is not real currency. This is the point of all this. Like George Soros. This is what I had Giannis on. And Giannis was like, they're making it out of thin air, and then it goes away. Of course it fucking went away. It's not based on anything.

But people are using it to buy shit. Yes. But the dollar's not based on gold anymore or anything, right? Right. But everybody has to agree. And no one's agreeing with this. Bitcoin is a stable one. What else is stable?

Ethereum? US dollar? Yeah, but this still is like this is more like financial fuckery than it is crypto fuckery. Right, it's more Bernie Madoff type Ponzi scheme shit. I'm ruined. Than it is... I'm absolutely ruined. I lost about

90% of mine. It's like if anybody can have a crypto you can all make a crypto coin, well then we got a whole weird situation. It's not like now we have bitcoin oh let's all use bitcoins decentralized that makes sense but then now you have how many coins are there

it was bitcoin now it's like tops when tops was the only trading card in town and then Don Riss and Fleer came in and was like none of this is worth anything those are way up by the way yeah we want tangible now cause everything NFT and all that horseshit trading cards are up has the NFT thing died by the way. Pops? Yeah, we want tangible now because everything in NFT and all that horse shit. Let's do it.

Let's do it. Trading cards are up? They're huge. Has the NFT thing died? The NFT thing made zero sense to me. Made no sense. Died in a helicopter.

It's not a real. What you don't make sense is like that Beeple thing that he made for us. But that's not end. But that's art. It's a piece of art. It's actual art.

It's something there. And it is. You own it as an NFT if you got an NFT wallet. It's still happening. Even during all this crash, big stuff happened. Nike launched a thing. Say that again, Jamie?

During all this, Nike's launched a platform to sell some sort of NFT stuff. It's still going strong. Yeah, it's still happening. There's still a bunch of money in there. Who's buying them? Dorks. Fucking idiots. Twinks.

They were never really supposed to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. That's kind of the thing. What are they supposed to be worth? A good rise. It's supposed to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. That's kind of the thing. Were they supposed to be worth a good rise? It's supposed to be a useful thing. Didn't Ugonzo make like a million dollars? Sure. There's a lot of people that made a bunch of money because there was a hype that people thought they could make,

like Beanie Baby Run. They thought they could make money off of this. So anyone who was just greedy wanted to make money, but it's not necessarily the use that they were supposed to have. Got it. So the use they were supposed to have was just to make it so that someone has the intellectual rights to digital property They could make money off of it if it was right later It is a good way to protect artists

Where they go and they have this in the UK if you resell a painting the artist gets paid again You can't sell some for 30 grand have it sold seven years later for 200 million and like I get nothing. That's good I like that. Yeah beanie babies went through the shit or two I get nothing. That's good. I like that. Yeah, Beanie Babies went through the shitter, too. I wonder if they changed insurance on paintings.

You need great financial advice. I saw the doc on it. Trading cards, Beanie Babies. What are you, a fifth grader? Mark Norris, my money guy, he's like, fucking Beanie Babies are tanking. You want to find some Pokemon, I got you. What is that? Whoa, mushrooms? Bag of mushrooms?

Jesus Christ. J-Mo. What were we just saying Beanie Babies Anti-Semites No no no Ari's Adiva Shit

I used to love Beanie Babies When I was a kid I was kind of a I was a gay kid Protecting artists Beanie Babies Really It was like one of the last things

I liked that was gay That is gay I was like old For liking Beanie Babies That's weird You liked Beanie Babies I never got them How old were you I could never buy them I never got them My friends had a bunch of them How old were you That is good. I was like old for liking Beanie Babies. That's weird. You liked Beanie Babies? How old were you?

I could never buy them. I never got them. My friends had a bunch of them. How old were you? He stole them. 20? Fifth, sixth grade? Sixth grade?

He's too old for that. That's way too old. I never had them. I would go to my friend's house and he had cool Beanie Babies. Makes sense, though. Who's his friend? They look at these things. Milo?

What? Who are your friends with? Shut up. It's a weird thing to keep as a 17-year-old. He was a fifth grader. It was weird to say age. Is he special needs? No.

All right. Dude, what are you talking about? Beanie Babies were all the rage. Not amongst boys. Not amongst boys as much. I don't really think they really were. I liked the cool Beanie Babies, dude. I'm not going to back down from this.

Which one? What was the coolest one? What was your top collection? There was a black bear. Shut up. A black bear. That's fun. Jamie, bring up the black bear beanie baby for me.

Boys could have dolls. Tell me this thing is fucking cool, dude. Boys could have dolls, but they had to be action figures. That's right. They had to inflict damage on people. Yeah. Yeah. They had a G.I. Joe with the kung fu grip.

That's a good bear. That is cute. Cute little bear. You tell me you don't want that guy? That's just the fucking stuffed animal. That's fun. It's a beanie baby. They're Asian, right?

When you were fifth grade, they had what? Like fucking wooden horses? We had small Taurus. What toys did you have in your fucking village? You had a dreidel. I don't see any dreidels. Who do you think read more religious texts? You during your prime or Milo trying to fight off the gay?

That's a good question. I bet he's reading that same page over and over again. He just can't get it. What? Now what? You read a lot of religious stuff? He was orthodox. I was headed a certain way.

Jesus Christ. All I did was study all day. Damn. Yeshiva, day and night. It didn't pay off, though. How long did it last? Two solid years in yeshiva. Ex-gay Milo Dramatically interprets bible verses

Is that him? Anti-LGBT Network's audio book Oh is he doing an album? Boy he still looks gay though right? He does look quite gay It's almost like you can't pray in a wet Well it's like you You're never going to get rid of that face

I mean you're stuck with the Jew forever Yeah I got the beak Yeah you got propaganda face My special should be in 3D. Those pray the gay away things are always a bunch of gay guys, like hugging you from behind, getting boners, telling you you can fight it off. Yeah, stay still and we'll fight this. That's what it is.

I read a whole story on that once with this guy infiltrated one of them, pray the gay things away. And he's like, what is going on here? And he did a behind-the-scenes reporter thing. And this guy was hugging him. He had a boner pressing against his back. Damn. Because when you think about it, who is at an anti-gay camp?

All gays. It's got to be gays. It's Chelsea. Yeah. Right. Was it Bruno that went and did Ali G as Bruno? Yeah, in a fashion show. He went to, I think, a pray away thing.

That sounds like Bruno. Really? It's so crazy that they still do that. He's the best. They tell you you should just pray it away. And why would you,

I mean, gay is good. I would love to be gay. One of the weirdest conversations I've ever had with people, I've had a couple of them on here

when I talk about gay stuff and like gay rights and I'm like, well, what do you expect a person to do if they're gay? Well, there's a lot of things that you, you know, want to do that are sins.

And I was like, so do you think that people are actually gay? And do you think it's a choice? A lot of people think it's choice. I'm like, you're, this is just religious nonsense. You're talking, you're not. You really don't know any gay guys. They're gay and they're like us. Gay as hell.

They're like us, but they want to fuck guys. They're lying. About being bi? Yeah, they're just making fun of each other. I'm Trump. There is a lot of that. I want to see who would agree. Yeah, this guy's great.

If you see Mateo Lane, you're not like, fight it. You're gone. You're lost. Own it. You're lost. It's funny to want guys to fuck chicks. It's funny to want that, to see Mateo and be like, damn, I wish you were fucking pussies.

It's true. I like you, man. I wish you were fucking girls. You want him on that side. Imagine Richard Simmons saying, no, you got it wrong, Richard. You're not gay. Oh, okay. Imagine.

It is weird, though, just because you're a dick, you have to talk differently. That's strange. You don't have to. The lisp is odd. It's odd. Tim does it. There's a lot of guys who don't. The lisp is odd. It's odd. Tim doesn't. There's a lot of guys who don't.

Josh Zepps, my friend Josh Zepps. Tim Dillon. You never know. A lot of guys are just like regular guys. They're just gay. That's why it's nonsense

to tell people that they can't do it. They can't do what? They can't be gay or they can't get married. That's weird. It's so fucking stupid. They want to say

marriage is only for procreation. Says who? It's made-up thing yeah but then you go like what about people what about people who are barren exactly i watched that conversation he said that before yeah watch it you fucking thief you watch anything that's not him what are you talking about i just look at he's too high on himself. He's too tough, man. He's taking a fucking bait anymore. He's all of a sudden, he's killing it. Last time I made fun of him, he was like, now he's like, yeah, man.

Next time he's going to be wearing a Rolex. It's crazy. I don't like it. I should come in with a robe with that fucking leader of the world robe. On YouTube special. You've changed. He's going to have a Rolex. You don't even protect parks anymore.

I don't. Oh, you should see my park. You're a goddamn Republican now. Third rape happened at the fucking park we didn't protect. What? Jesus Christ. This is a dark fucking under construction place now. I don't know.

It's just construction. The park is gone. It's a rape haven. If you're a rapist, head on down to the eastern park. Also, what are you wearing under that? You've got something plain. You've got multiple layers. How many layers of clothes do you have?

There's something underneath this. Just a shirt I found at a thrift store, guys. I don't know. Better not be a Jew star. What is this? What is it? Just a shirt I found at a thrift store. Sorry, America.

America is full. Oh, Jesus. It's Trump. Oh, my God. With a bathrobe and a beer. He's got a tent hanging out. Shitter's full. Where did you get that?

That's amazing. Guess where I got it. Where? Mexico. That's amazing. Guess where I got it. Where? Mexico. That's amazing. It's the greatest shirt ever made. That's a great shirt. It's not even, it's part of the print.

It fits like a glove. Oh, yeah. That'd be one of those shirts. If I was buying that, my wife would be like, don't. Don't buy that. You're not wearing that. I was going to buy it for a liberal friend, and then I'm like, it's too early. I can wear it too.

This is so fucking fun and ironic. It's so good. You're going to fuck up a Christmas party Sorry America's full 600 pesos Isn't it funny how they have him in a bathrobe with a beer But Trump is always wearing a suit And he doesn't even drink Oh that's it Oh it's basically that

Oh it is that Oh That's even better Oh, it's basically that. Oh, it is that. The shit is full. Great movie. So great. Oh, that's even better. Is he holding a hose as well? No, it's the shitter hose. Yeah, he's holding a hose. Yeah, but is he holding a hose?

I didn't know what it was until your guys told me. I was like, what's the second level? That's hilarious. That's from Christmas Vacation, right? Made in Mexico. Well done. What a great fucking movie that was. Merry Christmas, everyone. That movie holds up. All of them do. It's like Christmas Vacation, right? Made in Mexico. Well done. What a great fucking movie that was. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Great movie. That movie holds up. All of them do. It's like a time machine, though. It's like you couldn't even make a movie like that anymore. No. Just the way people behaved with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that guy was great, Hughes. Oh, man. I mean, you go to 2013 and movies are nuts. Isn't he bat shit now? Yeah, he went crazy. Yeah, he went a little rowdy. He got a little rowdy. Like way... He got interneted. Is that what happened? Yeah, he just kept talking to people who don't know him.

And then he went nuts. But I thought it was like some wacky conspiracies. Yeah, but he went deeper because everyone's like you're wrong. He was like, fuck you! Oh, they started arguing with him. Is that what he looks like now? I like that. Is that David Letterman? He looks cool. That looks like a guy I'd have on my podcast talking about aliens. It's like, fuck you. Oh, they start arguing with him. Is that what he looks like now? I like that. Is that David Letterman? He looks cool. That looks like a guy I'd have on my podcast

talking about aliens. It's like a Duck Dynasty or something. He'd be a guy. Well, there's nine specific kinds of aliens that we've identified. Directly at a star.

How the fuck did that happen? Those guys always go too far. They start off at a way deeper place and you're like, well, don't get me started on the Grotrothy. And you're like,

I don't know what you're talking about. Randy Quaid taking into custody in Vermont trying to cross the border into Canada. That was 2015. Free Quaid.

Free Quaid. Quaid. Free my man Quaid. He was a funny guy though, man. Yeah. He was great in that movie. Really funny in movies.

Cousin Eddie. That's fucking me up. I couldn't remember his name in that. That's Cousin Eddie. Did you see what Jim Carrey just left Twitter and left the craziest note? Why don't they ever just leave?

They always have to say to everybody, because they're still in the system. They always have to say to everybody, look at me, I'm leaving. It's got to be Popeye. What did he say? What did he say? I don't know. Jamie will find it. Sam Harris left, too.

That's Jim Carrey? Randy Quaid appalled. Biden called him a Neanderthal. Biden called him a Neanderthal? Biden called him a Neanderthal? Take out the most Neanderthal-looking picture for this. How did Biden get out the word Neanderthal? I don't believe it. As a native Texan, I appalled that our president called me a Neanderthal.

23andMe has verified I have no Neanderthal ancestry in my genetic code. Take it seriously. This is not to say Neanderthal lives don't matter. Just saying a lot of us Texans have grounds for a class action suit. What a psycho. He rules. He's a fun guy. That's funny.

He's a Texan? As a Texan, am I appalled? I think Biden probably called Texans Neanderthals. I think we need to stuff Randy up with some mushrooms and bring him in for a podcast. Get him on here. Look at those glasses. Plates go wild, dude. Those are nice. Good looking dog. Nice bitch. There you go. Get him on here. Oh, look at those glasses. Look at them. Wild, dude. Those are nice. Great dog.

Good looking dog. Nice bitch. There you go. Kingpin was gold. Kingpin was gold. He killed it. I just saw that again. Oh my God. He's so good. They're all so good in it. Yeah. Imagine trying to make a movie like that today. Fairly Brothers, yeah, with the Amish.

They were at the top of the game for a while. So here he says, I'm leaving Twitter, but first here's a cartoon I made with my friend Jimmy Hayward. It's based on my painting of a crazy old lighthouse keeper standing naked in a storm, summoning the angels and shining his lamp to guide us through a treacherous night. I love you all so much. Oy vey. What? Okay.

Already then. He posts this thing, which is like a lighthouse with crazy lights, and then it's a naked guy, but you don't see his dong. How fun. This seems healthy. He's got the middle finger up. Oh, yeah. Let's got the middle finger up. Oh, yeah. Let's do the Sufak.

Looks like McGregor now. All right. All right. What the fuck? Good way to go out there, Gary. That's a funny way to go out, actually. He never really tweets again. Just that?

So bizarre. So bizarre. I love you all. Here's this weird cartoon of a naked guy screaming in the rain. Maybe we should edit that. Let's get some of these Beanie Babies going again. Let's fire this baby. Clean the pile a little bit. Here we go.

Yeah. Fire it up, dude. I have every Star Wars action figure. That's pretty sick. No, he doesn't. I do, I really do. Boba Fett was a big one for me. That was a hot item.

Yeah. Use the real lighter. That one's a bitch ass lighter. You see the thing I was thinking about the monks? Yeah, crazy. You're just topic heavy, bro. They kicked all these monks. It was lulz.

It's nice. They kicked them out of the monastery because they're all high on meth. Yeah. There's always something. Every monk in the Thai temple defrocked after testing positive for meth. Every monk. Look at her. She's got a mask on outside.

Outside alone. Oh, look, that's a ton of meth. Shit, that's a fucking ton of meth. Wow. That's monk meth? I want to try that meth. They're going off. Monk meth.

The brown, the white, the green. It's beautiful. They never talk. That's got to be the fucking hardest thing in the world. They have a vow of silence on meth. They're going off. Monk meth. The brown, the white, the green. It's beautiful. They never talk. That's got to be the hardest thing in the world. They have a vow of silence on meth. They're meditating. They were trying to figure out how to meditate longer. And, well, we need some amphetamines up in this bitch.

But how do you not have a convo? You ever done meth? No one shuts up. Jamie, can you bring it? What is it? 50 cents a pill. That's 50 cents a meth pill. It's only cost 50 cents a pill.

50 cents is nothing. Wow. I can get that cheaper in Mexico. Yaba. Sell for less's 50 cents a pill. It's only cost 50 cents a pill. 50 cents is nothing. I can get that cheaper in Mexico. Yaba sell for less than 50 cents. Meth in Yaba can easily be found in every corner of Thailand. Supply is up everywhere and at this point a tablet is

cheaper than a beer. UNDOC's Jeffrey Douglas told Thai Inquirer. Good time out there. Last month Hong Kong reportedly made its biggest ever seizure of meth, finding 1.8 metric tons of liquid meth hidden in cartons of coconut water en route for Australia. Wow. How did they know? Someone's a rat.

Someone's a rat. Authorities in August found two tons of meth hidden in marble tiles shipped from the Middle East to Sydney in what police describe as the largest ever seizure of illicit drugs in Australia. Also in August, Mexican soldiers seized almost 1.5 tons of meth and 328 pounds of apparent powdered fentanyl at a checkpoint in the northern state of Sonora. Do you know how much fucking 328 pounds of... That'll kill everyone on this fucking planet. I know, and meth makes you horny, so they must have been really plowing in the temple. In July, more than 5,000 pounds of meth was found in a record-breaking seizure

in Southern California. Go back to the girl, like, in the top of the video, with her wearing that mask. I don't even think she's outside. I think she was outside. No. No, that's her screen. That's why she's wearing a mask. It's just the light.'s outside. I think she was outside. No. That's why she's wearing a mask.

Just click on that. Pause. How old is this? We're going to look at this in the future. How old is this? Last week. No. Yes. 2022. Why are they still doing the mask? No, this week. Excuse me. Because they're crazy. This is back when my special was only at 4.1 million. That, I've said it before, I'll say it again. That mask is a fucking Democrat's MAGA hat.

That's what they're doing. Interesting. The fact that she thinks she needs to wear that, for sure that lady is boosted and tested, and they're working on a television show. I'd give her a boost. I bet you would. Very attractive. Give her a Johnson and Spalls.

There's going to be videos that we look at in the future. There's going to be videos that we look at in the future that we're going to be videos that we look at in the future that we're going to hear the mouth behind. We're going to go, what the fuck? That time and place. It'll really mark a time for sure. KCAL 9 is LA, right? It's LA.

You got to do it in LA. In LA, you still have to wear a mask. Dude, in the Bay, everyone's hiking with masks. Wide alone. It's just like they're still holding on to it. It is a badge of honor. It's hilarious. It's a masquerade. It's hilarious, and if everybody else is that's one that's pretty good one Everybody's doing you feel like you have to do it a piece of shit

Yeah, like when we went to see Roger Waters we had to wear masks. Oh, it's so funny Rogan going I'll do this only cuz I got wait I would love to see you put nothing on the guy. had to wear masks backstage. I would have loved to see you putting that thing on. And the guy, oh, I made everybody put it on. Put it on. I was one of those guys. Put your fucking mask on, bro. But the guy who was the security guy there, you know, I was talking, I'm like, what's

going on? He goes, it's just a way to let everybody know that you're a leftist. Yeah. Everybody, you know. That's what he said. That guy was great. He was like, it's just a way to let everybody know you're a leftist I'm like that is what it is. Yeah, we bought a bunch of blow and my bachelor party and we tested it for fentanyl

That's right. I made them man. I was you I made your test. Oh good call. Yeah All of it, how do you know you test one little chunk? It doesn't have it It's not like this is a fucking even distribution. No fentanyl. You'rel you shake it up test the bag do we know that is that how you do it they're not making this stuff in the same places they make yeah no but don't they they mix it into yeah no you have tester kits they work kids always use tester kits yes you're responsible kids but if what i'm saying is this merch if you're buying this stuff you don't know how it's mixed you don't know if you're getting like one piece from one batch and one piece from another batch We scoop up a piece you just gotta let you they're not making the same place They make Tylenol no, but so you shake up the bag and then

Scoop the bag and test that you find the one person that you could live without They go first you go here. Do you want to bump? All right, Tony? Do that got to acid once and Jason realization Jasonouse was like, where'd you get it from? I'm like, just some guy. I don't test it. He goes, we want to test for you? I'm like, yeah, you can. So I gave him one, and he came back two hours later.

It's great. I'm like, here's your tip. Here's another one for later. I mean, legalizing it would save everybody. You could just get it from CVS. But there would definitely be people who died. Oh, yeah. The question is, like, do more die from it being legal than die from it being illegal?

I mean, if cocaine's legal, that would be wild. I'd break it out. I'd do it. It wouldn't be cut. It would be coke. I mean, pure. Yeah. You could make it.

It's not like it's expensive to make. You just say, I mean, I don't know, but he's an expert. I mean, it's expensive to make, but it's not like you can expensive to make. You just say, I don't know. It's expensive to make, but it's not like you can't sell it and make a profit. Dia said the only reason people overdose is because of the cut. Because in the pure days, nobody OD'd on it. Really? That's what he says. He's more of an expert than I am.

Fat coke head. He knows things. Exactly. But it's one of those things where you're telling me I can have whiskey, but you're telling me I can't have pot. You're telling me, and then we're going to legalize pot? What about mushrooms? We're not ready for that yet. Who are you?

Who are you? Who the fuck are you? I'm 55 years old. Who is some other man my age to tell me what I can and can't do? Shut the fuck up, dude. That's America, dude. Let's go. I the fuck up, dude. It's America, dude. Let's go. I pay my taxes, bitch.

I'm a good citizen. Fuck off. This is nonsense. It is kooky. And if you let them do it with that, then they can do it with other shit. When they got you wearing a mask while you're on KTLA. What does other countries do?

Don't other countries allow heroin and shit? Portugal's way in. Portugal dropped way. De-criminalized. They decriminalized things. They saw a much lower case of addictions. Violence. Violence, crime drops.

You put the same money you were putting into fighting the crimes, fighting the drugs, you put that into rehab and therapy for the people who can't handle it. Oh. Yeah. I like it. Which is what we should do here. Yeah. I would try heroin in a second.

I would try heroin. Safe heroin. That's not going to help. God, I want legal best. I just want to. Safe heroin. That's not going to help. God, I want legal. I just want to see what it's all about. Safe, clean heroin. Just a little snort. Ooh, now we're talking.

Shut up, Mark. You won't even eat that chocolate. Yeah, Mark. You sissy boy. Well, I don't want to go full Michael Richards on here. Go Michael Richards. I've lost a few people to those pills, though. Which pills?

Oxys. The red pill? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Those? Red pill And no one cares about that It's like a huge epidemic Because the senator's wives are all doing them Oh so many people are doing them Oh my back Bam and you're on

You guys give me painkillers Now I can't stop If you had a mild Dose every day just a mild scooching through life with a little yeah

Farve's got a hog no he doesn't he's got a hog Jamie bring up Farve's dick don't put it on screen put it for us he's got a real pig's dick

I promise you he doesn't it's a picture he went around just google it on your phone he was like one of the first dick pics ever just do it on your phone so I don't have to see it

he sent a dick pic no I'll show it make Joe see it tape his eyes open. Eyes wide shut. Yeah, I think he sent it to a comic. I think that's what he did. The girl who became a comic, yeah.

Quigley? Oh, she became a comic after she saw his dick? Isn't it funny that our dream is everyone's last ditch effort? On their way down. It's like, they can't seem to get rid of those guys. Maybe it'll be one of them. Brett Favre's dick is minuscule. Wait a minute. Come on.

Minuscule? He's going to want to come on the podcast and defend himself. That is not a football day to fry. Listen, I was... I feel great. That's the one he's looking at, the top left. Listen, I was on pills. I was really tired one he's been looking at, the top left on the related. He's like, listen, I was on pills. I was really tired.

He's no package. By the way, by the way, dick size means nothing. Brett Favre is the man. Other than, you know, embezzling some money out of the state of Mississippi. No, that ruled. What did he do? That ruled. Uh-oh. What did he do?

I think he made a lot of, I think he took COVID relief. Give me one of them pouches. I'm still trying to figure out if I can... Hey! We better ring that cooler in here. Every time I've tried to use one of these, I go... Zim, it kills you. It gets me all fucking past Saudi. The taste of it is what gets me. Let's think you got nicotine,

you got alcohol, you got mushrooms, and now you got the Zim. It's mixing. It's mixing is the problem. I'm not ready. You's mixing is the problem. It's coming. I'm not ready. You sound like a meth monk.

True. Those guys must be going wild. They're grinding their teeth while humming. Thanks, sir. Oh, off the mic, folks. Yeah, Brett Favre is the man, dude. I forgive him for what he did in Mississippi. What did he do here?

Brett Favre got $6 million in welfare funds for a volleyball stadium. By the way, who wrote this article? Pittman. Anthony Pittman. And William Pittman. Two brothers. That's his husband. Are they?

Oh. Are you sure? Now they look alike. What about, maybe they're brothers. Could be brothers in butt sacks. So does that, do you not want to. Only gay dudes would try to him, Brett Favre? Well, let's see what he said.

Fudgebacker. How did he play for the Crack? What did he actually do? Did he? No, he took a bunch of money for whatever, and then he made a volleyball stadium for the college he went to. Southern Miss. Is that so wrong?

Allegedly. Did he know? Allegedly. No, I think it was just a fund he put his name on. I don't think he was embezzling it. Right. Imagine if you're a part of something, you don't know how they're running it, and then you find out they're taking welfare money and building the most frivolous bullshit thing.

People are starving to death, and they're homeless. Girls, volleyball needs a stadium. Yeah, but volleyball, and my kid, this is a school. We can get the money this way if we just sign a couple of lines. I don't know enough about it, about what the allegations are. So let's just make up facts. I feel like he was just barely associated with it. He wasn't running it out there.

Of course he wasn't running it. If you're in Mississippi and you're turning on Favre, you suck. You suck. The only thing he ever did wrong was giving up that free sack to that guy to set the record. That was bullshit. You ever hear him talk about how many concussions he's had? No. He talks like Biden.

It's crazy. He said he's had like 100. Wow. CTE, no joke. See, I know he talked about it recently. He was a tough guy. There was an article recently about how many concussions he's had. He said 1,000.

1,000! That's wrong. In a radio interview, Favre estimated that he suffered from an astounding 1,000 concussions.000! That's wrong. That is something a guy with 40 concussions would say. In a radio interview, Favre estimated that he suffered from an astounding 1,000 concussions. No, that's wrong. How do you know it's wrong? Do the math. Sounds like something Beetlejuice would say. Okay, let's do the math.

1,000 concussions? Until recently, he believed he only suffered three concussions because that was the number of times he was knocked unconscious. 50 a year? Wow, that's a lot. But dude, he's playing football all the time. No, he didn't get 1,000. No, he didn't get 1,000. Come on. 50 a year. You guys understand. a lot. But dude, he's playing football all the time. No, he didn't get a thousand. A thousand concussions, he would be dead.

No. Do you understand what a concussion actually is? Do you know if you get punched in the body, you can get a concussion? Oh boy, here we go. You easily would. You would die. I would pass a cuss by that harsh statement. Ouch! You were around for leather helmets. You got funnier since this fucking thing came out, too.

He's more loose. He's back. He's back. Big six million number and the Holocaust is forgiven. Maybe I was right. It's not real. Only he can say that. It's the perfect time for you.

This is your time, Ari. You're having a moment. Common misconceptions about concussions. Concussions require head trauma. While severe blow to the head will often result in a concussion, it's not a requirement for the diagnosis. A person can have a concussion by sudden acceleration or decelerated change of movement. Most commonly, this is a whiplash motion. I think I got it.

I got hit in an Uber. I'll admit, a Lyft. And somebody hit us from behind. It went like that. And the whole rest of the day i didn't want to say lift yeah it's cheap no more lives i'm doing better now that i have four more million hits we'll throw a lift that's fine but anyway the whole rest of the day i couldn't concentrate it was just like it was cloudy concussions can cause you to lose your memory

it's possible to experience some memory deficits particularly of the events leading up to a moment of concussion however memory loss is not required for a diagnosis. Now, if you just take into account how many times he collided with enormous men. How many in one day can you have? Can you have seven in a practice? Oh, yeah. In a three-hour practice? Yeah, definitely.

You can. Well, then maybe I believe it. You 100% can sparring. Seven concussions in a day? I've been dinged up sparring and gone right back in with another. We always used to do that. We used to get rocked. If that's the case, I've had dinged up sparring and gone right back in with another. We always used to do that. We used to get rocked. If that's the case, I've had several concussions.

I don't know. I've had a lot of them. I know I've had a lot of them. I've never been knocked unconscious, but I got TKO'd in a kickboxing match. So that's definitely one. Kick to the head? No, it was a punch. And then I got dropped with a left hook.

Then he finished me off with an uppercut after I got up. And that is just one, but that's nothing compared to all the other times I got hit and just training he said, Brett Favre says you get tackled and your head hits the turf you see flashes of light or ringing in your ears

but you're able to play, that's a concussion yeah, that's a concussion so based on that he said I've suffered thousands. Had to be because every time I headed the turf, there was ringing or stars going, flashbulbs, but I was still able to play.

I was wrong. I admit I was wrong. I'm a big man. Thank you. I'm able to admit that I was wrong. Farve rules, and he has had over a thousand concussions. Sorry I said his dick was minuscule. It's a decent dick. We just didn't know you were supposed to harden it up. It's an absolutely fine penis. Imagine if every time you got punched, your dick shrank a little bit.

That's my excuse. Imagine that. If you got punched, your dick shrank. You could be the champion of the world. Yeah, every time you got punched, even if you win the fight. You retire. You start out with 10 inches. And every time you get ding, ding.

Quarter inch. You do a press conference. How did you feel your performance was? It was good. I lost an eighth inch. Look at him. I'm my dick, but I'm pretty happy. Look at him.

He's like, fuck, you got to get better to get back in the game. Poor guy. How hard did he go down? Good for him. Look at him, stiff-arming this guy. What a fucking warrior. Got rid of it. Helping girls volleyball.

Oh, bam. You see his head go down? Aye, aye, aye. Oh, my God. And he's just holding it. Andping girls volleyball. Oh, bam. You see his head go down? Ay-yi-yi. Oh, my God. And he's just holding it. And his head just bounces off the ground. And those helmets are supposed to protect you. Got a face mask.

No, no, it doesn't really. Oh, my God, that's such a hard hit. They did start protecting quarterbacks. Oh, he holds his head. Oh, my God, look at him. Poor guy. Make that thing fill with pillows. Yeah, it doesn't, it's not as bad as your skull hitting the ground, but the impact in

the brain is the same. It's not as bad as your skull hitting the ground, but the impact in the brain is the same. It's hard. So it protects the skull, but the impact inside of the head is the same. It's worse with the helmets. With the leather helmets, they actually had less concussion. Same with boxing gloves. I used to think that, too, but then I read this thing about rugby guys. Those guys are getting fucking bad CTV.

Also, back in the day, football. Back in the day, dudes would die. No. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was mostly whitey. Whiteys kill each other, too. Whiteys are kind of the best at killing.

Are you taking notes? They kill the most people. A lot of genocide. The British, my God. Stop doing this, dude. It's a podcast. What are you doing? This is bad radio.

What are you doing, Ari? Nothing. He's writing out the tour. Oh, yes, we know. I'm telling you, he got funnier, dude. This is never up to this, dude. He's writing out the tour. I'm telling you, he got funnier, dude. This is never up to this, dude. He's better. All his jokes are like, I'm going to say something great.

Honestly, do you feel better? I feel better getting this thing out. Yeah. Yeah, I got it out. People are loving it. But you feel personally better. You seem like you feel better. You're lighter.

Yeah, it was an incompletion. And now you've got to ride it. You've got to ride the wave because you can slope down again. Yeah. So you've better. You're lighter. Yeah, it was an incompletion that I, you know. And now you've got to ride it. You've got to ride the wave because you can slope down again. Yeah. So you've got to keep it up. I can see you going. What does that mean? You're filling your head with poison.

No, I'm just saying, stay on the wave. Don't talk to guys like that. This could fall apart. I hope you saved your money. It could. You've got to ride the wave, especially right now. You're not going to leave for like a month or anything, are you? Don't go to Guatemala.

I am going for a few weeks out. What are you doing? I'm just going to get lost for a few weeks. I'm't go to Guatemala. I am going for a few weeks. What are you doing? I'm just going to get lost for a few weeks. I'm not riding the wave. I just did a Joe Rogan episode. Are you crying? That goes your career. Are you crying because you're so happy?

No one deserves it less, honestly. Hear, hear. I can't believe it's working out for you. I was getting there and trying to respond to comments and keep the thing going. A lot of them was like, Joe keeps talking about this guy. And I was like, finally, I'll give him a chance. And I guess for once he was right. For once?

What the fuck? It was a nasty thing to say to me and Mark. Ouch. I didn't know you would be like this. What about the sex? Is it better now that you have some money? Formulated hits. I got $22,000 on YouTube.

Is the sex better now that that you got some money. Which isn't green. No, it makes it worse. Yeah. It was fun. Poor fucking. Poor fucking's great. Poor fucking is the best.

Poor fucking's only great when you're not poor anymore. When you look back, oh, that poor fucking was amazing. Poor fucking. When you're poor fucking, you're like, God, I hope I didn't get her pregnant. What time is it? Oh, good point. I am hungry. How much money do I have in the bank?

$5? That chlamydia pill's not cheap either. Yeah. And a lot of stinky veggies. pregnant what time is it i'm hungry how much money do i have in the bank five dollars that chlamydia pill is not cheap either yeah and a lot of stinky veg also you're happy but you're not happy because you're still you're you're like trying to get to the thing right thing is like people get they get a little bit of success they get like oh it was fun back in the day when i didn't know but it wasn't then it's only fun. It's like secondhand fun. It's like, there's levels of fun. Steve Rinella taught me this. There's like fun

where it's fun while you're doing it, like a rollercoaster, but you never talk about that. Remember when we went on the rollercoaster? And there's certain things that fucking suck while you're doing them. But then afterwards, they're fun to talk about. They're fun for years. I remember I used to open for Louie, and he'd be like, I would kill to be in your position, just running around, doing sets.

Do it. You know they're laughing at you because you're actually funny. It's not because you're a celebrity. And then when he got canceled, I was like, hey, you're back. He didn't like that. It is true that you just have to focus on the good parts. All those young comics, you should appreciate it. There was some great times.

The problem with those young comics is we don't know if they're going to make it. That's one of the scariest things about our business. We are salmon going up that waterfall and there's a shit ton of bears up there.

Not all of us make it. Mortgage through in the pond. Most of us don't make it. You got out of a bear's mouth. I got right in the

bear's mouth. What's up? You guys been there? Guys, who is it? Joe. I got three bears out there right now. Woo.

Oh, yeah. Your people love salmon. I fucking hate you guys, dude. If you don't get canceled by the comedy community, if they're still fucking with you, you just get through it. You just get through it. Yeah, you got through it. I was worried.

And now people get to see. Now, like, what's the big deal? Well, they see, like, oh, he's a fucking talented artist. Shane fucking set the groundwork for it. Yeah, you got through it. And now people get to see. Now, like, what's the big deal? Well, they see it like, oh, he's a fucking talented artist. Shane fucking set the groundwork for it, for real. You're an artist. He is. He knows what's going to make me mad. I don't know about artists.

It's just we're a weird kind of artist. It sounds gross when you say it. Autistic integrity. Every other artist is happy you call them an artist. You call a comic an artist. They have to be pretentious. I'm making a lot of him an artist Yeah You call a comic an artist That's true You have to be pretentious Alright

I'm making a lot of dick jokes The guy's a subway sandwich artist When you tell Dom Irere He's an artist He's like What is this What are you doing with these words He was a funny guy

Oh he still is He's great Dom's an animal Dom's great Dom Irere From the Ronnie Dangerfield special That's right That's what we should bring back At the Mothership Those were killer Do like the Ronnie Dangerfield special that's right that's what we should bring back

at the Mothership those were killer do like a Ronnie Dangerfield style comedy special yeah like 100% Kinnison, Hicks, Seinfeld there was

yes Lenny Clark Don Marrera who else lots of people lots of people Robert Townsend here's some people you should know

Roseanne that's how she popped Robert Schimmel Schimmel was so funny Schimmel was the man. Because Kinison went from Bob, I think he was on Bob Nelson and Saget's. And they're funny, but they're doing that style, that 80s style comedy. And Kinison's like, hey, I'm going to completely mix this up.

Oh, yeah. You see his Letterman? It's unreal. He goes into the audience. Letterman's just like, because you know he saw him at the store. Yeah. And so he goes, guys, this next guy, he's presenting to a crowd. Let's play it.

Let's play it. He goes, this next guy. Play he's presenting to a crowd. Let's play it. Let's play it. He goes, this next guy. Blake Kinnison on Letterman. Enjoy. I don't know. Yeah, Chris Rock said he's the first guy to change the format. Who? He did.

Kinnison. Kinnison. Yeah. He was the first guy to let me know that you could do that. Before he played that, hold on a second. He was an all comic. This is a story that, this is how, I've told the story on the podcast. If you've heard it, I'm sorry.

I was working as a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club. I was 19 years old. There was this girl that worked the front desk. She was hilarious. This fucking real Boston girl. She was like a volleyball player. Big, fucking strong girl. She was hilarious, though.

Real brash. Sounds hot. She was hot. I like the Boston accent. So her and I were talking. She goes, oh my God, you've got to see this this fucking comedian, Sam Kinison. I saw him last night. It's so funny. She goes outside in the parking lot and she

re-does his bit about homosexual necrophiliacs who are paying money to spend time with the freshest male corpse. So this girl's on her stomach in the parking lot going, oh, oh! You mean life keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead? It never ends! I am doubled over laughing. Just me keeps fucking in the ass even after you're dead? It never ends. I am doubled over laughing.

Just me and her in the parking lot. And then I went and found the special at a video store. That's nuts. A recreation of it. Yeah. Wow. That's crazy. Her recreation of it got me into Kinnison.

Wait, wait. Before you press play. He looks exactly like Demi Lovato giving a tour of her house. That smile. That crazy smile. He pretended to be David Letterman. Right. That's what he looks like. Look at him. He was exactly like Demi Lovato giving a tour of her house. That smile. That crazy smile. Looks like Jim Carrey pretending to be David Letterman. Right. That's what he looks like. Look at him. He was a funny guy. Okay, well,

we're in for something now, folks. My next guest is making his network television debut tonight and we believe it's long overdue. He is one of the strangest and most original comedians working today. Brace yourselves. I'm not kidding. Please welcome Sam Kinison. That's a great intro.

Do they already know him? He's got screams. Look at this swagger. Look at the swagger. Car accident. Fucked his head up and he changed. He used to be a pastor. There's still time to call the church and call all this off.

I know a lot of you come here, you watch TV, you wait every night for somebody to come on here and give you an answer for your lives, waiting for someone that'll come and say, hey, this is it. I don't have to settle for defeat anymore. I can rise up out of my routine. I can get a hold of myself. I don't have to lose. I can rise up out of my routine. I can get a hold of myself. I don't have to lose. I can win. There's something inside me that's not going to let me go down anymore. But I'm not the guy. I don't have any answers for you, but I can tell you about

one thing. Oh, yeah. You think you're safe thing oh yeah yeah you think you're safe huh you people here you think you're safe do you think you're safe what's your name lou you do a crab work blue you've been married the confidence it's like all right you do me well this is a bit he used to do if you ever think you want to get married if you ever think you've met the right woman you want to settle down new york you want to get a house you want to get a car maybe raise a family do me a favor will you remember this face face of hell, Lou. Look at that guy clapping so hard

next to his wife. That was the opener. If you haven't married, are you married? What's your name? Bill? Tell him. Show him the face.

Show time! That guy lived for six months off that. Look at him! They get to go back to work and go, Kitteson, they've tested to me.

Yeah, where's this guy now? That's not me, all right? I'm trying to help here. I'm trying to do a good thing. I was married for two years. My life was so boring, I actually worried about my yard. That's my friends' goals, careers, visions.

We're doing things with our lives. I was out there looking for crabgrass. Weeds and stuff. Going, I have a responsibility to the neighborhood. There is a weed here. And then that doesn't happen. You have kids. Have you seen those guys?

Those guys in the malls with the strollers. Have you seen them? That's pretty funny. With that look on their face like they envy the dead. It's so harsh. Somebody kill me! It's so bleak. It's so bleak. I buy it every time, though. I swear I do I

Buy it every time I love women. I can't help it. I buy it every time love comes to me goes This is love I wouldn't lie to you eight times in a row. Come on. Come on, open the door. Let's see what we have for you. Oh, he lied to me again! I keep going for that same kind of love, too, man. That Van Gogh kind of love, you know,

where you walk in and you go, hey, you owe me so much, I don't even know what pain is! Is that pain? Because I don't know anymore! Ah! Ah! That's a psycho. I know half America right now is going, what are we watching? What kind of comedy is this? Is this the man that was prophesied to come out of the sea and control this headache?

No. No, I'm not him. I'm just a comic with some weird fashion choices. Say what? Those chocolates hit just in time for this. Read your Bibles, your New Testaments, your Tours, your Cores, whatever you think will protect you. You're not safe. But I'm trying to help. I do the best I can, folks.

I swear I do. I do the best I can. Like this world hunger thing. I'm really involved with it. Oh, that's a great bit. I'm just like you. I see the same commercials as little kids. Eat some chocolate.

Out there, you know, hungry. I watch this on TV at home. I'm going, God, you know, Hassan. now watch this on tv and i'm home i'm going gone you know hassan just throw it in how cruel because i know the film crew could give this kid a sandwich this is like the evolution of that bit right because you see in the early early stages of that bit come on you know the director five feet away going don't beat him Carlin said he saw that bit he was like oh shit he got nervous but I'm not trying to make fun of world hunger.

If you want to do something about world hunger, I think I have an answer. I think a lot of people are adopting this attitude. You want to do something about world hunger? Stop sending them food. I mean, that's network television. I'll be the first. Look right here.

Zoom in. Stop sending them food, all right? Don't send them any more food. You want to help these people? Send them U-Hauls. Send them boxes, you know, some luggage. Send them a guy out there who goes, hey. Hey, you know, we just drove 750 miles across the desert with your food,

and it occurred to us that there wouldn't be real hunger if you people would live where the food is! You live in a desert! there wouldn't be roll hunger if you people would live with us oh the swing how much time did he do let me see me when is long they played him in the middle of a word he did two bits. He's done. He's done get him off He did marriage and then the food bit What year was that Jamie 31 85 shit was I was 18

85 shit was about to change oh was it 18 that was his network television debut he had done young comedians and I found out about him when I was 19

I found out about him in 86 when he did HBO so it was all he hadn't done any TV I think that was his first television appearance period

what were there 18 comics back then there's like a thousand now there's probably like 50 then the ball's on David Letterman to go I think that was

in the middle but if that was in the 80s you gotta realize that was the comedy boom. There was comedy clubs everywhere. There was a lot of comedy clubs. There was five of them in one block area of Boston. Jesus. In 88 in Boston, there was Nick's Comedy Stop,

then there was the Comedy Connection, and then above the Comedy Connection was the Comedy Club at the Charles, and then across the street was Duck Soup. It was called Duck Soup. And then half a block away was Dick Daugherty's Comedy Vault. Yeah. There had to be somebody going, hey, I'm going to be the guy who talks normal,

who's not like a comedian. Not Cosby. Yeah, not like doing the standard shit. And he just saw a void. Well, he was a preacher, right? And he had rage. He figured out a way to take that preacher energy and convert it

into comedy. And then he's hanging out with all these rock stars and because he did these late night sets at the store, that's how he became infamous. People would come see him and they were like, where's that guy? What time is he going up? And it was like a word of mouth thing. They would go to see the Kinison set. To this day, they call it the Kinison set.

The late night spot. He'd come in at 1230 no one care drunk with his friends with like six or seven like top level you saw him no no no I got there years after he died I don't when did he die he died and I want to say like 92 oh yeah somewhere around then was it from the rain boom they'd all party so no one care cuz he's, you're not really bumping anybody. It's 1230, there's just poppins anyway. And he'd make it suddenly get packed. He died in 92. He died.

I remember when he died because I was in New York and I was in my apartment and it was on MTV News. Whoa. I was like, oh my God. I remember not hearing about it because I was in Yeshiva. So you got to realize it wasn't even a 10 year run. So from 86 to 92 is when he was big. And he had already- He was already topped off.

Not just topped off, but heavily declined. Yeah. If you listen to his first special, and then, well, he's got like the album. Louder Than Hell. The album's good. Louder Than Hell's good. You can only get it on cassette now. I got that one on vinyl.

Whoa. That's a good find. It's hard to get. That's a good find. And then there was the special, the HBO special. What was that called? Yo community special? Oh, oh, maybe that was louder than hell No, no, no louder than hell is definitely the was the album Okay, and then there was the HBO special and then it was like a year and a half or so later He put out a new special and it was not it was rough. Was that the girls on chains?

Into who he was exactly he he got audience capture so louder than hell was 86 breaking the rules was 87 and that one was not good have you seen me lately 88 also not good those the rest of them are not good yeah isn't that that's sad huh well it was he was just partying yeah his brother wrote the you've ever read brother bill bill bill kinnison wrote it his brother bill it's really good brother sam it's called the book's called brother sam but his brother wrote this book about like what happened and he's real honest about he's like he stopped writing yeah you know he used to write constantly he always had new material but then he was like partying and doing coke and hanging out with john bon jovi making music videos he was the

talk of the town. He forgot the work that goes into it. That's every star. They just forget the work that goes into it. But it wasn't even 10 years, man. It was right away. That's what's crazy. 86 to 92. There were 38 and a half comics back then. Right. There wasn't many. Damn. Didn't he get hit by a drunk driver?

Yep. After he did jokes about drunk driving. We're gonna drink. We're gonna drive. We're gonna pull it off. Because we do it every fucking night. That was not in the show. He's coming the other way. You ever think about the amount of times you drank and drove and just made it?

I came back from a Stanhope show at King King or somewhere in Hollywood, running back to the comic store for the last call. Drunk. Hit someone in front of the saddle ranch. And I was like, oh, this exchange insurance is trying to keep it together. A cop slowed ranch. And I was like, oh, this exchange insurance is trying to keep it together. A cop slowed down, and I was like, we're good, we're good, we're good. Holy shit. I'm like, no, no, we're good.

Damn, I sideswiped a bunch of cars once with my mom's Lexus. And she was like, what happened? I was like, car was parked, somebody sideswiped me. Now she knows, now she knows. Don't believe your son. God damn it, Mark. She's dead, Jesse D. She played a lot of football.

Oh, yeah. She loved those black players. I thought you were going to say pigskin. Oh, yeah. I thought you were going to go with pigskin. Where's he going to go with this one? I tossed you a ball. He didn't have any.

It's hard. That's hard. He did a reverse. That's what he came up with this one? I tossed you a ball. He didn't have any. It's hard, guys. That's hard. He did it reverse. That's what he came up with. It's a punchline. Let's play that back. Let me redo that. I think I've lit this thing up 14 times.

Can I tell you guys how excited I've been for doing this? I can't get high like you guys. Yeah, you can. Just stop being a pussy. I literally walked out that door like, what? Those things are I don't know why That's a wonky joint too

I've been doing that Like a little bit every day Building a tolerance Like Princess Bride I don't think it's a tolerance It puts me in a nice place Hey public service announcement If somebody hands you a joint, you don't smoke.

Don't fucking talk about you're on your own smoke. Public service announcement. Just fucking pass it on. Ari Shafir Jew. It's available right now on YouTube. I was in the middle of a talk on climate change. That's kind of talking about the environment. I cut a promo in the middle of a talk on climate change.

This guy was talking about climate change. He's bringing up charts. I'm setting him up. I'm like, well, how bad are candles? How about candles? He goes, how bad are candles? I'm like, oh, terrible. Terrible for the charts. I'm like, I'm setting him up. I'm like, well, how bad are candles? How about candles? He goes, how bad are candles? I'm like, oh, terrible, terrible for the environment. I go, interesting.

Because Ari Shaffir. That's great. We played a clip with all the candles. Pigeonhole the promo into a fucking talk with a scientist. That was great. You can see him not knowing where to go. He's like, okay. Because up until that moment, I had been like totally straight, asking questions.

So what is it about that? And what's causing it? What percentage is this? Yeah. And then we cut to, how much if you're a Jew on YouTube? And he's sitting there not knowing what to do. What do you say? Okay.

The bears are dying. If you're not Jewish and someone starts talking about Jewish people, right now, people just shut the fuck up. Oh, yeah. Just shut the fuck up and let them talk. Don't interrupt. Oh, yeah. It's a fuck up and let them talk. Don't interrupt. It's a hot button. Let them run that weather.

We had the hot oven, now we're on the hot button. Let them go. You gotta promote. If you do a Netflix bill, I don't think they push you. You know what, man? It's not worth it anymore. If you're a guy like Ari, the best possible way... If you're a guy who can get a big chunk of money like Dave Chappelle, I get it. Or low level. But even if you're a guy can get a big chunk of money like Dave Chappelle I get it or low level but yeah it's if you're but even if you're low level if

you get on YouTube and people find out about it fine but the thing is is like it gets demonetized as long as they're not taking them down though they're really your purpose is getting served YouTube is good about it for stand-up they should be can you they should be I mean stand up is look it's just like movies you know when Clinton Tarantino has Brad Pitt smashing some girl's face into a mantelpiece. Yeah. Is that really happening? No, it's not happening.

Do you still enjoy the movie? Yes, you enjoy the movie. Because it's not real. The same thing with stand-up. These aren't real opinions, you fucking idiots. Someone over there explained to me their algorithm on stand-up, where it's like, oh, you said this word, and this is a negative, this is a hate speech, whatever. And they go, look again, it's on stage.

Like, okay, let it go. That's good. They're the best ones. Well, that's good. They should be. They have a wealth of stand-up material. If you're a comic and you love classic comedy, there's no better place on earth than YouTube. No, you got that right.

Every fucking special that's ever been, all the Kinison specials, all the Bill Hicks stuff, everything's available. Yeah. You know what I watched the other day? I watched his Bill Hicks. It's on YouTube. You're right I watched the other day? I watched his Bill Hicks. It's all on YouTube, you're right. It was like a one night stand. Remember they used to do those?

Oh, I love those. It was like you did like a half an hour on HBO. Yeah, on HBO. They called them one night stands. Where are you going to do your next special? Where are you going to put this one? I don't know, man. YouTube job.

I haven't even looked at it. Come to the dark side. I think I might. Come to YouTube. I haven't even looked at it. You can put your own shit out. You can do your own network, like a Louis thing. Or I could just put it everywhere for free.

Yeah. Yeah. YouTube. You might need all your growth, right? A hundred million people will see your special. You need some money. A hundred million people will see your hard work. Thank God I don't look at my Twitter inbox.

I bet there's some hot ladies in there. We'll find out, Mark Norman. Look around. I'll jerk off to that inbox. I'll give you the passage. Please. Yeah, I don't know what to do with my spot. I haven't even had to.

I just wanted to record it. I recorded it. And when I've got a sufficient amount of new material where I can do like a new set. Yeah. I probably got like 15 minutes now that seems to be working. Then you'll put it out. Then I'll do. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do.

I got an angle for your body. I love being able to do whatever the fuck I want to do. I'm enjoying that. I'm enjoying that. People are talking about like, i love being able to do whatever the fuck i want to do i'm enjoying that i'm enjoying that people are talking about like where's joe gonna do it like they can't offer him enough money to change his like they can't give him 700 million dollars for a special no so like what it's not it's not about the money it's about what people saying it well that's one of the reasons why i decided to buy a club i was like like if you if you were that guy and you had that kind of money and you could do something like that, if you were a comic, you'd be like, God, if I had that money, you know what I'd

love to do? I'd love to open up a club and do it the right way. But no one ever does it. Right, right, right. So you've got that. You're supposed to do it. I have to do it. It's like part of the plot.

I got to do it. So even when I'm there, like where we're there today, we're looking around, I don't believe it's real mm-hmm I just have to say I got I just say it to keep acting you gotta get a monocle what are you doing on some some cap've been smiling the whole time. I'm fucking gone. Sorry. I haven't talked once. I've been sitting there going, yeah. It's a nice feeling.

I mean, it feels good. I don't know how good it is for the listener. They're going to be fine. They're having a great time. Those titles will be on tomorrow. If you're a guy who's sitting there with his headphones on doing some menial task, you're in your fucking glory right now. Yeah, shit's nice. You're having fun. Do you guys consume his headphones on doing some menial task. You're in your fucking glory right now. Yeah, shit's nice.

You're having fun. Do you guys consume pods? I listen like five a day. Yeah, I've been doing a lot of audio books over the last six or seven months. But before that, I was really pod heavy. I probably listened to six pods total in my life. I really love Tim Dillon. Tim Dillon's one of my favorite guys.

Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman.

Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman.

Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman.

Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman.

Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman.

Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Caparolo on Marin. Adam Friedman. Liz Phair on this podcast. I'm trying to think what else. The Mencia ones on Marin, and then maybe a fucking This American Life one. Radio Lab one.

That Mencia one's killer. That was... Bobby Lee confronted Mencia on an app, and that was... I'm out by then. It was that tense. He calls him out. It's fun. Bobby Lee's funny, huh?

It's funny, dude. I hope he puts something out. He's been saying he's going to. It's not going to happen. It's not Bobby Lee's funny, huh? It's funny, dude I hope he puts something out He's been saying he's going to It's not gonna happen It's not his style He's putting stuff out on his podcast What, is he gonna put his dick? Yeah, he's definitely doing that Well, it's a closer, right?

I don't wanna give it away Go see Bobby Lee Or not We might have ate too many mushrooms Yeah, we ate too many mushrooms, dude. This sucks. I'm just getting started. No, no, no.

We'll get through this. We'll be all right. Don't be scared. We'll be all right. I think we can drink our way out of this. You got that right. I think we definitely can. When Brian Simpson was challenging you to a drinking contest, I was scared for him.

He was trying to get a shot. I was trying to egg him on. He was going with it, man. I was trying to egg him on. I was surprised. He was going with it. He said he could do one shot for every Bud Light. Every Bud Light I turn.

As soon as he falls and dies. God damn crazy that is. He would die. But Brian is game. He was ready to go. I like the glasses, Mark. He was ready to go. He's a Marine.

I was like, you're a Marine, dude. Of course you could. Don't listen to him. He dug his heels in. He dug his heels in and he was ready to go. Are we wearing sunglasses everywhere? I knew you guys were going to do this. The room's getting a little fuzzy.

You know what I mean? You brought those chocolates out. I said, this is not going to... She's got the dice glasses? Anthony Aiden. Bobby Kelly hooked me up with this guy. I was going to say, you look like Bobby Kelly. Yeah, I can see it.

I saw Bobby had them. Bobby had a pair of them. Bobby's glasses are beautiful. He's like, oh, I'll connect you. Bobby did a cycle. There it is. He's got to do more than one. Bobby looks good.

Bobby looks great. He looks great. He got it sucked right out of him. Yeah, it's nice to see he's getting healthy. He's got a special out. Yes, he does. Killbox. We were talking about the little room at the mothership.

Like, that's going to be a killbox. Oh, yeah. That's where I got the name. Good looking room. Him and Louie came up with that concept because he was like,

you know, Louie was like, what kind of room do you like to work in? He's like, just a fucking killbox. Yeah. Just tight, low ceiling. And so they just made that.

That wasn't even at a comedy club. They put that all together. Somewhere in Tampa. What? Dude, and during his first show, he's taping two shows, taping two specials. During his first taping, the first taping, a woman has a fucking seizure. Whoa.

He said he's two minutes in, he was acting. He goes, ten minutes in. Seizure. Somebody goes, help her. Somebody help her. Help her. Help her. He's like, what?

What? Julia Seizure. And so they take this lady away and they continue. That's actually what it was named after. Julia Seiz He's like, what? What? Julius Caesar. And so they take this lady away, and then he continues. That's actually what it was named after. Julius Caesar. Is that right? Yeah, he got it. You got a Caesar?

Yeah, I'm out, dude. I can't talk. Wait, is that a joke or no? No, I'm serious. Oh, it's a joke. No, I think it is. I think it's named after him. Julius Caesar was epileptic.

What about the salad? Yeah, for sure. It's spelled the same way. Is the salad him? Did he do the salad? I don't know about the salad. All right. Check out the salad there Yeah, for sure. It's spelled the same way. Is the salad him? Did he do the salad? I don't know about the salad. All right. Check out the salad there, J-Mo.

You would think that someone who ran the Roman Empire would get a better salad. Yeah. Yeah, it's a shitty salad, isn't it? It's not a good salad. It's a pretty good salad. It's like the best salad. It's not a Hall of Fame salad. It's a pretty good salad.

All right. I never feel like I'm getting nutrients. Seizures. He suffered from seizures related to epilepsy. Whoa, you're right. I thought you were joking. No. Oh, my God. I don't right. I thought you were joking. No. Oh, my God.

I don't joke anymore. I don't joke anymore. No way. Is that why they stabbed him? I don't know. Dude, I totally thought you were joking. They stabbed an EpiPen into him? I thought, I'm like, he's being silly.

Seizures. Hey, John, you got an EpiPen? No? A two-protein? You know why? Because that's exactly what Tony Hinchcliffe would have done. That's like a Tony Hinchcliffe line. What?

That's how they came up with it? Yeah. That's crazy. Wow. I would have never guessed that. What about the salad? So, yeah, who came up with the salad? The salad started in Mexico.

Caesar salad. I like that sweater. Clever. Clever. I would say Tijuana even maybe, I think. Oh, shit. Caesar salad started in Tijuana. That's crazy. We haven't had maybe, I think. Oh, shit. Caesar salad starting in Tijuana. That's crazy.

We haven't had an assassination in a while. Pat Todd. He started by an old white guy's norm. It just took us on a dark turn. Well, we used to have assassinations like once every eight years or so. We haven't had one. Yeah, so you stand up, you walk around, you start looking around. Tijuana, Mexico.

All right, stay seated. Tijuana. Dude. All right, stay seated. Don't get up. The levels is when you get fucked up. I had to piss, but it did go away. I stood up and I went to the bathroom and I thought I heard your dog

crying and I looked for your dog in the bathroom for a long time. Your wife's here? I was like, bandit? Caesar salad invented in Tijuana, Mexico in the 1920s. A green salad of romaine with a highly seasoned dressing of pounded anchovies,

olive oil, lemon juice, egg, and Parmesan cheese. That's pretty ingredient-exciting. That's pretty ingredient-exciting. Get some salad on a podcast. Get some salad. CTE. Okay, hearts of Paul. You know, remember when I changed my tune halfway through?

I was like, I love a Caesar salad. Have you ever taken drugs and just stared at this fucking ceiling alone? Don't do it. The constellations. Maybe the Indians were on some peyote or eating some leaves or some shit when they were looking up at the stars. 100%. Everybody was. Yeah, everybody's been fucked up.

Every culture that had access to psychedelic drugs took them. They all did. No one was like, hey, this is not good for our productivity or our hunting and gathering. Let's leave these alone. Nobody left them alone. They all did. And they had rituals, man. Oh, yeah.

The Vikings. Bro, you know what I just saw? Uh-oh. You seen that Viking movie? Yeah, Northman. Northman. Oh, that was great. I saw it on someone else's seat on a plane.

I had no idea it was that hardcore. Yeah, it was an intense one. That movie is fucking hardcore. It's true shit, too. That's how they lived. Sabers. Whew. That was a hot guy, too. I just...

He was a hot guy. I had heard it was very hot. I heard it was good but I really didn't expect that. He's lucky I wasn't one of those villagers that he raped. You know what was great about that movie too? I thought it was just laying in a hut. There was no one that had our morals.

No morals. There was no Sam Morrill. Before I get too far, just a note. You should have a bathroom right now here. Hold on, I got one. It's literally down the hall.

You should build a... I know, but you should build one right there. Take a walk, bitch. Wouldn't it be nice though, you're laying on your hay. Go pee.

And they're like, the Vikings are coming. We're all gonna get raped. You're like, fuck. And then the door swings open. It's that guy. You're like, all right. That's true.

You can do worse. Not that bad, honestly. I'm pretty glad you're the guy. My archivier is so fucked up by mushrooms he can't walk 20 paces. So you should have a bathroom right here. It's hard. Kidman. Why don't I have a bathroom right here? Dude, this movie's the shit. It's really good. Oh, is that Willem Dafoe? He's got a huge hog.

This is a very intense movie. Give that a goob, J-Mo. Ethan Hawke's in it, too. Oh, yeah. Hawke's good. Bro, it's a wild very intense movie. Give that a goob, J-Mo. Ethan Hawke's in it, too. Oh, yeah, Hawke's good. Bro, it's a wild-ass movie. Wild. I liked it. It bombed in theaters.

It shouldn't have. Everything bombs in theaters now. But it's like, you know, watch this shit at home. It's worth watching. I enjoyed it, yeah. Because I was kind of skeptical going into it. I was like, is this going to be like a television show about vikings no but it's yeah it's just enough like fantasy and just ruthless reality and no no one is a normal person of today in that movie they all

represent those kind of people that were just sword fighting and dying out there. The way they talked, the way they behaved. Everyone was sketchy. It was a wild fucking movie. It was a good movie, man. It was a really good movie because it wasn't a 2022 person in the Viking era. Yeah. They nailed it. You know what's weird is whenever you see a movie without phones, you don't think about it.

You're not like, where are the phones? You just enjoy the movie. And you never dream with your phone either. What? Like, you never ever dream where you're on your phone. Yeah. But we all, we're on our phones eight hours a day, but we still don't really... Wait, you're talking about there's no phones in the movie about Vikings? Well, I'm just saying, you don't...

Now what the fuck are you just saying? You watch... Well, obviously. But I'm saying if you watch a movie now with no phones in it... Are you trying to defend that? I'm trying you watch... Well, obviously. What? But I'm saying if you watch a movie now, there's no phones in it. Are you trying to defend that? I'm trying to catch up. He's trying to defend it. I'm saying, obviously, there's no phones in a Viking movie.

But if you watch a movie made today and there's not a lot of phones in it, you don't go, where are the phones? It's just a movie. I'm telling you. That is true. That makes sense. If you do watch a movie today about today... If you watch every show, everybody should be looking at their phone the entire time. That should be the That makes sense. If you do watch a movie today about today, and no one's on their phone. If you watch every show, everybody should be looking at their phone the entire time.

That should be the whole show. Yeah, you're right. My tweet got a retweet, whatever, you know? It's so weird when you go to a bar and you see everyone on their phone. Everyone. It's so strange. New York subway, it's just phone, phone, phone. It's wild.

Everyone's just paying attention to something else other than what's in front of them. I know. And you can't help it. You can't. It's like a little magnet. You were doing it last night in the green room. A little magnet to your brain. I felt like we lost you.

Yeah, it's hard. I get my notes on my phone, too. The phone notes. I use paper. He's actually writing. Sure, writing. Do you write on paper? I do.

Yeah? That's a good move. That's crazy. They do say that when you write on paper that you... Oh, that's hilarious. Look at this wad. Don't read those. Folks, look at this joke.

We'll do some editing. That's Norman. This is amazing. What the fuck? I can't believe you carry this around with you. 90% of it. You're going to get a bad back. Oh, I got a bad sciatica.

Yeah, that's from sitting on this, you dumb fuck. Uh-oh. Yeah. I had a professor somewhere I played poker. I just called it. My wallet's the same way. My wallet's on the other side This is his notes that were in one of his back pockets And I go bro you're gonna get a bad back

Front pocket This is like the Dead Sea Scroll He's not doing this by accident This is real It's got blue sweat from his blue jeans No don't throw it out Look at got blue sweat from his blue jeans. No, don't throw it out. Don't throw it out.

Look at the blue sweat from his blue jeans. Oh, my God. Bro, you've been wearing these in the summer. Easy. I need those. That's my new hour. Loose notes? Yeah. You are a crazy person.

Yeah, that's psycho. FBI should look in your basement immediately. About 99% of that doesn't work. Yeah, no shit. That's like fucking five hours of material. That's the craziest way of talking, Norman. That is the fucking craziest way of marking and writing down your material I've ever seen, ever. And I've seen a lot.

This is the newest one. You can tell that the newest one is the new material. The nice tatter? Exactly. This is the good one. You get the good one. That's the new shit. Dude, you need a fanny pack just to carry those around with you.

No, fanny pack. What am I, gay? Hey. Front pocket. Go front pocket for sure. You shouldn't be scared of a fanny pack. I know you like the fanny. It's ultimate freedom.

Dude, when you piss on Fungi, it's fucking ridiculous. It's all weirdy, plastic, leathery. It's leather. Oh, come on. Fungi does rule, though. It's high quality. Fungi does rule. It's all weirdy, plastic, leathery. It's leather. Oh, come on. Fungi does rule, though. It's high quality. Fungi does rule. It's from a company called Roots in Canada.

Oh, it's very well done. Good band. Dice had one. Oh, really? That's how I got this. Yeah, we sell them on higherprimate.com because of Dice. Dice came in with sweatpants on, and I've always been a fanny pack enthusiast. I go, that's the nicest fanny pack I've ever seen.

I go, where'd you get that? He goes, oh, you like this? You like this? You like this? been a fanny pack enthusiast and he had the set fan I got this the nicest fanny pack I've ever seen I go would you get that have you seen what dice is doing what on Instagram oh yeah it's great with the same right now just go to random people I mean if I could if I had to. It's kind of cold outside. That's great. It's amazing. And he just keeps doing it. He's shameless.

He did that to me years ago, and I thought he was serious. I didn't know he was joking. I felt bad about it. He's the original troll. It was not my fault. He is a troll. It's nice. Oh, he's the best troll.

Because he was a troll that filled arenas. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He was filling fucking arenas. With a character. And he's just as happy now being a troll. Listen, play some of this. I'm not your driver, sorry.

Play it from the beginning. Play it from the beginning. Yeah, hi. You are the driver that was waiting for the picture? I'm not a driver, sorry. I was waiting for the picture. Because of the a driver, sorry. He told me. Because of the hat. You're wearing the yellow hat.

From my film. I'm not a driver. No, the picture. You wanted the picture? Totally awesome 80s. I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you're talking about. The guy's terrified. He's being very nice.

Oh, look. He has to be. Dice is a big guy. True. This big guy that just might mollywop you in the middle of New York City. Mollywop? What a great term. Brought it back.

That's a solid one. No one's even said that since the 80s. I've never heard it. That's great. Mollywop. Italianolics. That's a good one. That's aollywop. That's Italian ecstasy. That's a good one. That's a protect our neighborhood.

Speaking of psychedelics, remember when the South Park guys went to the Oscars on acid? Yes. Seeing them blink was the best. Those guys are legends. They're legends. They really are. They're so important for the state of comedy because they can get away. Like Kyle Dunnigan and Kurt Metzger, what they can do with the face swaps. We were talking about

it last night. There's something about something not being real. You can get away with so much more with South Park and with like the face swap thing because it doesn't look at all like real people. Like you know it's not really Bill Maher. But it's hilarious. Or the Jeff

Goldblum one or the Stallone one. They're fucking hilarious. Stallone's the best. And you can have these people saying the most outrageous shit. It seems one step off from reality. Yeah. Damn, Ari. That's a giant advantage.

You ate a bunch of those. I was lying. I didn't eat as many. I can't believe you ate that many. How much did you eat? More. I only had a couple. How many did you have?

More. Yeah, you're in trouble We need you you see This is bad fun Just hang in there Don't think about it Don't think about how high you are You don't fucking think about it

Just go with it Jamie call up a picture Of how many views My special has 4.5 million I don't know Oh man Damn

Don't be fucking lame dude You're right He's really living in that moment Did you think the Chappelle monologue Was anti-Sem? I didn't see it. I don't know. I assumed it was fine. I didn't catch it. I assumed it was a comic or there's no problem at all. I don't know. I liked it.

I thought the whole thing in the beginning was hilarious. Yeah I thought it was very funny. Where he reads this thing. I do not support anti-Semitism in any way shape or form. Yeah. And that Kanye West is how you buy yourself some time. Yeah. I loved it. It's very funny. I loved the Ferguson joke. It's genius. I love the joke about Melania.

Was anybody actually upset? That was a whole fucking headline. 20 people, and then everyone's arguing about the 20 people that are fake upset. Yeah, no one cares. No one cares. Well, we're living in a weird world where everybody can have an opinion. And if there's a thing that is in somehow, way, shape, or form connected to anything controversial, there's going to be people that get upset about it.

Dave Chappelle is the number one stand-up talking about Jews today. I give you a pass. It's over. You're not anti-Semitic. It is over. Go on with your life, Dave Chappelle. 4.5 million. That's a lot of views.

That's worse than the fucking picture I posted, you bitch. Ari's lost. He's lost in the world of success and mushrooms. I hate seeing success, Lord. You've got to drink past these shrooms, man. Do you like Angry Ari better? You're more in a world Of success and mushrooms I hate it I hate seeing success You gotta drink past These shrooms man Do you like Angry Ari better? You're more of a fan

Of Angry Ari? Yeah Well Sad Ari was better I like Sad Ari Sad Ari was always Down to talk Kept your mouth shut Yeah now he does

His phone's on Fucking silent And he goes He's like what? Brings his dog places I can't wait to see Ari Posing with no shirt on Wearing a fur coat Getting on a leert wait to see Ari posing with no shirt on, wearing a fur coat, getting on a Learjet.

I constantly post that on my shirt. No shirt, fur coat. Don't defend this. McGregor. No shirt, fur coat, getting on a private jet. Somebody Photoshop me a Conor McGregor picture. What are you doing? Have you seen Conor McGregor's latest pictures?

It's great. Pull them up. If I was USADA, I'd be like this. When does this guy get back on the test? He doesn't look like he's there. Was he fighting him? No, no. USADA is the U.S. anti-doping agency.

Conor. I thought it was USADA. I thought it was like an eastern block. Is he fighting that fucking Muslim? What is that? USADA. Usman. You're thinking Usman.

No, no. What's his name? Islam. Oh, Islam Makachev. He's fun. Yeah, yeah. He's fighting name? Islam Makachev. He's fun. Yeah, yeah. He's fighting Volkanovski, the featherweight champion. That would be fun.

Volkanovski's wild. He's so funny. That's a wild little fight. Conor's been killing on Twitter, though. Really? Oh, my God. He's so funny. He's an animal.

He's so funny. He never stops. He's clearly intoxicated. He's having a great time, saying some funny shit. The funny things are listening to him talk because, you know, he's from Dublin. And when he gets drunk and starts talking like the way- Look how jacked he is. Wait, that's him?

No. Yes, 100%. I thought that was Cyril Gann. Oh my God. He's roommates with the liver king. Proper 12. What the fuck? Proper 12 was an Epstein book.

Look at that photo. It was like proper 12. Look at that photo. What? Yes. That's not real. Also, this videostein book. Look at that photo. It was like proper 12. Look at that photo. What? That's not real. Also, this video of him from here, that's good, but go to the other one from behind, the next one back, the next photo. Look at this.

Look at the size of him. Great caboose. Wow. Look at the size of him. You should see his dick. His dick's in every photo, too. Is that right? He loves posting a fucking kind of a boner in every photo.

Bro, look at the size of that guy. He's in my wife's DMs. He looks like, hey, he's 200 plus pounds. He's got a mask, Joe. Get him. He's a man. He's recovering from a terrible injury, though. That's why it's taking so long, and that's probably why he's-

Working his upper body? Yes. What happened? Getting thick. He broke his leg. Broke his leg in a fight. Yeah. Oh, yeah, against Poirier.

That's what he was yelling about. That thing. In the fibula. Both of them snapped. So it's a horrific injury to recover from. Jamie, you did that on purpose, you dog. That's a cup. He's wearing a cup.

Jamie, you dog. He's wearing a cup, I believe. Look at the legs on that motherfucker. I mean, you see a head, though. Jesus Christ. That would hurt your dick. Focus on that. Chief-wise.

Focus on that. So that left leg, that's the one that broke. And it's jacked as fuck now. Yeah, keep those kids on. What the fuck? Go down. What the fuck? It's a cup.

It's a cup. It is a cup. World cup. No, get him in his street clothes. It's so funny. He literally always has a boner. Really? I mean, it just looks like it.

It's funny. I took a blue tube before this. There was a weigh-in where it looked like he had a boner. One of his weigh-ins. It always does. It's very funny. He's having fun. He's living life.

He's a wild boy. Damn. There it is. Wait. That's a what the fuck? Yeah, it is. He had a boner. Oh, that's a flopper.

That's a flopper. That might just be his regular penis, dude. Yeah, yeah. I got one of those. He might actually be hard. No. For a fighter. Imagine if he's that savage that he gets a boner.

I mean, it was the McGregor fight. It wasn't even. Or the Mayweather. What's up with these? He wanted to win that fight. What do you say? That was a money grab, baby. Dude.

Of course. It was a money grab, but he tried to win that fight. He thought he could win. He actually landed. Yeah. He caught him with an uppercut he could win. He actually landed. Yeah. He caught him with an uppercut. McGregor's the man. Yeah.

McGregor's the man, obviously. Those Paul guys are winning fights. Ken Lewis Gomez. Paul guys are winning fights. Dude, Jake Paul is 100% legit. Yeah. Knock down Anderson Silva. That's the end of the discussion.

That's insane. Knock down a guy like that. I don't care if Silva's 47 years old. Who cares? He agreed to it. He boxes very well. He still moves very well. And just the skill level alone, the fact that he was able to catch him and knock him down, that's a big deal.

Damn. It's the end of an era. It's a big deal. It's an end of an era for sure, but it's also like, that guy's a legit fighter. He's not just a YouTube guy. He moves like a fighter. You watch him in fights. He's not boxing like some guy. Why moves like a fighter. You watch him in fights. He's not boxing like some guy who's a current young fighter.

Oh, Tyron Woodley. No, no, but someone like 30. What is this? Jake Paul offered Patty the Batty $1 million to spar, and Pimblitt didn't back down. But he's way bigger than him. This weekend, and he'll spar him on Monday. Pimblitt's like 5'4", or something. No, no, no, no, no.

He gets up to like 200 pounds. What? Between the fights. He balloons. He balloons. He's a really good grappler. The difference between the two of them is like boxing, Patty is, you know, he's got good hands for sure.

He's a good striker. Cute kid. Beautiful, beautiful kid. But if he gets you to the ground, he's nasty. Imagine. Wow. Really badass submission. So if they're going to fight, if they're not going to fight an MMA fight.

Just spar, though. Yeah, but they're going to fight, dude. Fight. They're going to call it sparring. If you're calling it sparring and you're going to film it and everyone's going to watch it and you're going to do one round, come on. You want to spar me? They're training for it.

I'll give you a million dollars to spar me. Yeah, but those guys are psychos. They're not going to. Yeah. What you're doing is you're gonna do one round. Come on, you wanna spar me? You're training for it. I'll give you a million dollars to spar me. Yeah, both those guys are psychos. They're not gonna... What you're doing is you're having an unsanctioned fight. Not be competitive. Right. That's your way around it.

This guy's paying you a million dollars to have an unsanctioned fight. Yeah. Damn. Damn. I mean, you can call it sparring. Would you fight him? Let's call it sparring. No.

You wouldn't fight Jake? No. You could kick him. One round. No, you can't. That kind of fucked me up. He's good. He's a good boxer. He can fight, man. I'm telling you. He's a big, dangerous, young fellow, and he hits hard. He's knocked out Ben Askren, Tyron Woodley, knocked down Anderson Silva. That's a big deal, man.

That guy can crack. What's with the legs break? Didn't O'Malley's leg break? No, he got kicked in the leg. What's it called? Perennial nerve, that was called? Perineal nerve? That was called? And that nerve shut off his foot

His foot just stopped working And he started getting this, it's called like drop foot And he actually did commentary For the video while it was happening That was the last one You can't help yourself That was it That was the last one

I'm trying so hard to keep it together. That's why it's so hard to leave, too. Better be on a speed date. So Sean O'Malley, he did like a play-by-play with that fight, and you could see his foot go numb. It's just like he's just dragging his foot around, and he can't stand on it. And he had these tight ankle wraps on,

and you think that might have accentuated it and not allowed the circulation to get back to normal? Yeah, that's embarrassing. It is hard. Weird injury. Well, you're just flopping around on the mat. It looks bad. It's happened to a few guys.

It happened to Michael Chandler in Bellator. He got that. That happened to him. It's happened to a couple guys in the UFC. They get kicked in the leg, and their leg just doesn't work right anymore. What about that guy? He stops working. He kicked and the leg, and their leg just doesn't work right anymore. What about that guy? He stops working. He kicked, and his leg wrapped around the guy's shin?

Anderson. No. Yes, Anderson was one of them. Really? He did that with Chris Weidman. And then Chris Weidman was another one. Chris Weidman just did it recently. Not recently.

He hasn't come back from it. It's been over, I believe, over a year. Is that correct? Yeah, it just slaps against a leg and just like breaks I've seen it happen in kickboxing, too It happened with Tyrone Spong fought go Khan sake and sake checked his kick and snapped his leg in half. Here we go Here it is first kick to Chris through his heart Perfect freeze Jamie perfect freeze

Perfect freeze. Perfect freeze. I can't do it. I can't. Wow, that is an antelope leg. Why are you doing that? Who's doing this? Jamie. Oh, he looks like a stretcher man.

Jamie, cut it out. He won't even blink. Jesus. It's already broken there. So many of them. Back to fix. Life back on track. It's so normal for me to see people get beat up.

But I mean. That's a bad one, though. I've seen that happen one other time. There's a gentleman. He's since passed away, but he had fought on the Ultimate Fighter. He was a very tall, thin guy. Who was the other guy who had a leg break? Jamie in the UFC?

It was a long time ago. It's making me yawn, dude. It makes you yawn it does hand me that bodega yeah you didn't even eat your chocolate you coward you're not happy guys you guys are all talking over each other no one can hear a word sorry i say the yawns is the mushrooms yeah that's the thing i never didn't yawns is the mushrooms. Yeah. That's a thing. I never did know that. The yawn is the mushrooms, yeah. Who was the first guy to get his leg broken in the UFC? Corey Hill?

Yes, Corey Hill. Corey Hill. Yeah. And who was that fight with? Check down the screen. Oh, God. Who's Corey Hill? Five-minute rounds.

Back that up a little bit real quick. Back that ass up. Dale Hart. Dale Hart. Corey Hill. That's right. Set for round number two. Fight schedule for... So he throws a kick. Dale Hart. Dale Hart. Corey Hill. That's right. Set for round number two. Fight schedule for.

So he throws a kick. Same deal. Right there. Oh! Yo! Now, this was a bad one because the referee didn't notice it. The referee didn't notice it. So we were screaming, stop the fight.

He throws the kick. His leg snaps. Dale's showing a lot of head movement. Eats a nice kick. Oh, Corey fell he throws the kick his leg snaps To the referee didn't notice you told I was broken we had it just You're killing me JMO that was that was We had to scream it. What are you doing, dude? You're killing me, J-Mo. That was hard. Didn't he take mushrooms? That was really hard to watch. Jamie, you're sick.

I saw you. I got to work. So that was the first time that had ever happened in the UFC. Come on, J-Mo. He pet the class pet too hard, I bet. You like a little kill a hamster. He pet the class pet? What the fuck is that?

I had a hamster in their class. The kids could all pet. What kind of weird world are you creating just for one joke? I went to a performing arts school. We had a hamster in there.

It was a guinea pig. In every class. When you go to math class, make sure you pet the fucking hamster. I'll get creative on the shrooms. Man, did you see

the Bisbing doc? I did. When he talked about getting his, he got his eyeball knocked out, by the way. But he said he woke up in the, what do you call it, the locker room, and he goes, did I win? That's how bad these knockouts are. It's like time travel. They have no idea sometimes. They don't know what happened.

People have to explain to them what happened in the fight. They don't remember the fight at all. Sometimes they don't remember the whole day. They don't remember the fight at all. Sometimes they don't remember the whole day. They don't remember getting up in the morning, brushing their teeth, taking a shit. They don't remember anything. I've had some bombs like that. It shuts off everything, and then when it comes back, your memory's just real sketchy. Quite a few fighters have said after they got knocked out that they have no memory of that day at all.

It's a good way to fuck another lady. I don't have any memory. I was knocked out. It's kind memory of that day at all. It's a good way to fuck another lady. I don't have any memory. It's knocked out. It's kind of every one of these podcasts. True. For real. I wake up in New York like, what the fuck just, what was that? Dude, I'm going, I'm at 8 a.m. flight tomorrow, going straight to Boston.

Mistake. Big mistake. Doing the Wilbur. It's going to be a- Oh, that's nice. Let me apologize now to the people who came to that. You have to Wilbur tomorrow night? Two of them. Wow. It's going to be a... Oh, that's nice. Let me apologize now to the people who came to that. You have to Wilbur tomorrow night? Two of them.

Wow. It's going to be a train wreck. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. I'll take an Adderall. Maybe you can hit me with some NAD or some shit. Do you take Adderall sometimes when you're not feeling good? I don't really touch it.

I used to take it for hangovers, and I just get too cracked out. Does it really work for hangovers? Oh, cleans it up. Two seconds. You shit and you're just flying. Yeah. Everything's nice. What does it come down like?

It ain't pretty. It's ugly. The mental anguish. Oh, my God. It is brutal. Talk about not getting it up. You got Bobby Lee dick on Adderall. Well, that's an amphetamine thing, right? Talk about not getting it up. You got Bobby Lee dick on Adderall. Well, that's an amphetamine thing, right?

Talk about not getting it up. I'm sorry, Bobby. So now I'm taking blue chew on top of the Adderall. Then you try to drink it away when the show's over. I get it. It's hard out there for a bitch. I'm going to get that merch.

This guy is smirking. He looks like the Joe Camel over here. He's scary looking. Adderall's, the problem with Adderall's, what scares me about it is it's effective. It works, baby. If I started taking something that was effective like that, I don't know if I'd be able to go, no, no, no, let's go back to just being natural. Yes, it works.

And I have some on me if you guys want to straighten out. How straightened would it make you? Well, look at this guy. Are you certain? He's going to Betty by. Are you certain that that combination is a good combination? That might be, like, really bad for your heart. Wow.

It could be. It's possible. That's a really real problem. You take amphetamines. It might be a fucking chemical war in your body. I'll just dose myself. Who's this guy? Imagine that.

Aaron masturbates. Oh, no. That's the shooter's fucking. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You don't even know this guy. I don't know this guy. You don't know this story?

Okay. If you don't know this story, there was a Colorado shooter. And then when they interviewed his dad, it turns out his dad was. His dad was on Arrow. He fought in the UFC. His dad did a lot of Arrow. I'm pretty sure Aaron Br a fought in the UFC I'm pretty sure really Frank fought in the UFC Yeah, he did and and he was a legit MMA fighter back in the day and then he became a porn star and His reaction to finding out that his son

Was that what was a shooter is the craziest thing you'll ever say watch this. Let's play that worse than gay Dude, it's crazy. Don't put that back in your pocket. I'm telling you. I've been living with it for 50 years. Front pocket. I got the wallet, though. It evens it out.

That's Mark Norm. It doesn't even out jack shit. It's not even... No, it's not... It doesn't work like that. Can I see the jokes? I swear to God, I'll never destroy them. They're varying densities.

What are you going to do? I just want to hold them. I've never seen anything like this. So listen to what he says. Look, look, look. Pay attention. This is not the answer. What? Does the princess die?

Yeah. No. Listen, listen. It works. It's instant, and you'll get immediate results. This is fully you on Adderall. That's his dad. This is how the podcast ends.

This is how Joe Rogan ends. I'm just like, hey, you coming down here? You know, I'm just like, good people probably. He's a little jacked up, huh? Well, I guess we shouldn't be pointing and laughing right now. We don't do gay. We don't do gay. We don't do gay.

We don't do gay. This isn't the real edit, is it? No, this is a weird edit. It's fucked up. I love my son. I don't know what this is. This is not it. I was really fucking you up, dude.

I don't want to see that. It's good. We don't... You can go find him if you want to, but he's severely troubled. Yeah, he's a mess. He's on something, right? You know what the thing about those notes is? No one can read them.

It's like some hermetic text. Yeah, I write them in Sanskrit. It's like my own script, so no one else can read my shit. Why not front pocket, though? Front pocket's too small. Look at this. Who thought that was a decent idea? Did I say that?

Put that guy? That was heavy as fuck. I don't want that. You brought it down. It's like as fuck. I don't want that. It's like Apollo Santos. I don't want that. He's clearly on something. He keeps hugging himself.

That was a bad video. Bad trip. Some rainbows. The thing's a bummer, but it's even more of a bummer. The rest of it. He jerks out 10-12 hours a day. The same guy said he jerked off 10-12 hours a day. I got it. What? The same guy said he jerked off 10-12 hours a day. He was on Intervention.

What? For jerking? He was on another show too, right? What was the other show he was on? Divorce Court? He had a fucking run, dude. He fought in the UFC? Before that? He was on Intervention, Divorce Court. Really fucking tragic.

Horrendous ending. Yeah. But, did he do porn? I think he did pornography as well. Yeah, he definitely did. Pull it up. Just imagine,

you know, that's your dad. Imagine you're that kid. Imagine where we live in 2022, that kind of thing where there's shootings, mass shootings,

multiple times a week. It's wild. Yes. Shut up, dude. He's talking about fucking... It's copycats. It's very strange. That's what it is. One guy saw, oh, we can shoot people now? And then they just do it. I think it's copycats. What does it say?

We need an episode on the Colorado shooter's father, a drug-smuggling, meth-using, MMA fighter turned porn star. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Is that a kid? That soul patch is a red flag. Is that the kid? Yeah.

That's the kid? Leader of Limp Bizkit. This one got sad. We got to clean it up. Stop with this. Come on with the skulls. That's a rough one. So how about that at World Cup?

USA won. They beat the women-hating Iranians. Did you see that this guy got assassinated in his car by the police? He got assassinated in his car for cheering. For cheering.

He was cheering for USA. Pull the Charmin Bears up. The Charmin Bears are very nice. Do something. There we go. A dunk contest. Or a fat guy falling. Who got shot? Come on.

JR. He was just a fan of the USA beating Iran. He was just celebrating. Iran man said killed by security forces while celebrating World Cup loss to USA. He's rubbing it in everybody's face. Why was he celebrating? He was like, ah, losers. You care about soccer. There's a lot of He's rubbing it in everybody's face. So he was honking because he's happy. Ah, losers, you care about soccer.

There's a lot of people that are angry in Iran right now. They're angry at the government. So he was honking his horn, and they just fucking shot it into his car and killed him. Shot him in the head. And we talk about America being shitty. Dude, that's a guy who worked at Cafe Wah after Trump got elected. Black guy. He started going to everybody.

He goes, we did it. He started trying to give high fives the night of the election. We did. People are like, what? Trump? Yeah. Oh, that's funny. Black guy fucking high five.

They're confused. Damn, I ran, huh? And I haven't peed yet. I'm going to outlast you on pissing. I bet I can outlast you. I believe you. All right. I believe in you. Trying to get something going here, I can outlast you. I believe you. All right. I believe in you.

Trying to get something going here, JoJo. No, I believe in you. All right. You're done with competition, huh? I can only compete so many times on who has to pee. All right. It's not a competition. It's not a smart thing to get involved with.

Really? Yeah. It's like a gambling addiction. As a bedwetter, I got a bladder like you wouldn't believe. I bet. Seriously, my dad wouldn't let me pee after 6 p.m. Oh, Jesus Christ. Really?

Well, he wouldn't let me have liquid after 6 p.m. because he was worried about me wetting the bed. He's old school. Yeah, that 6 p.m. was the limit. It was a cutoff. So I was just thirsty eating Doritos. Did you have the alarm clock bedspread? No, but I had the thing that I clipped to my boxers that it felt wetness and it would beep.

It would beep. I just drink water when I'm thirsty. And I drink water with electrolytes at night and I know I have to pee. And I'm like, this is a stupid move. Yeah. No, this is a stupid move. I'm drinking water at 10 p.m. I'm chugging a giant thing of water at 10 p.m.

But I don't care. I'm like, right now I'm thirsty. Yeah. And in the middle of that, I'm like, you dumb motherfucker. Three o'clock in the morning, I have to pee. I'm like, right now I'm thirsty. Yeah. And then in the middle of the night, I'm like, you dumb motherfucker. Three o'clock in the morning after a pee, I'm like, you stupid fuck. Well, you won't be hungover at least. Yeah. It hydrates.

But it's not even, I do it all the time anyway. Yeah. Well, you don't take sleeping pills. No. I'm hooked. You're hooked. I'm hooked. I need them.

You love the weed. Which ones do you take? Well, I take edibles just to conk out, and then I take Seroquil. No, really? Is that bad? I don't know. Anything like that. Let's find out. Doesn't sound natural. Lucky we have Google. Definitely ain't natural. I'd like you to say, give it a goog, J-Mo. Give it a goog, J-Mo,

but I can't sleep without it. I'm not a sleeper. I've been up all night. But don't you think eventually you'd fall asleep? Yeah, but then you gotta wake up at, you know, eight. He's hooked. But don't you think that eventually you'd get into a cycle where you could just go to sleep and then wake up? No.

Can't sleep without it. No. The brain, it just keeps going. It's like a Japanese game show. It keeps going, like, so your mind Okay, so it's like an idea thing. So you're like flooded with ideas and you have to lie down and you're lying down and you can't stop thinking. Can't.

The memories, the childhood, the jokes, the mean stuff. You just can't. The hatred. You're tired. As soon as you shut your eyes, it goes. You say like the mean stuff and the hatred. Is that the predominant? No, meme stuff or mean stuff?

Mean stuff. You said mean stuff. Mean. You know, mean thoughts. You suck. You're not funny. You're worthless. You know, all that shit.

Mean thoughts, you suck, you're not funny, you're worthless, all that shit. There's a risk of tardive dyskinesia. Am I saying that right? Dyskinesia. Thank you. Dyskinesia. Uncontrollable repetitive facial movements associated with antipsychotics, including Seroquel. You're taking an antipsychotic, son.

Significant weight loss has been reported although may cause weight gain in some people. Okay. May precipitate a manic episode in people with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I don't think I have that. Well, there you go. It's undiagnosed. So I'm alright.

So are those the only side effects? That's not bad. Your doctor should monitor progression of potential long- only side effects? That's not bad. Your doctor should monitor progression of potential long-term side effects of Seroquel, which can include cataracts, weight gain, high blood sugar, high cholesterol, and

tardive dyskinesia. He's already got it. What's Seroquel do? It helps him sleep. I told him, just stay up until you can't sleep anymore. Or stay up until you can't stay up anymore. And they go to sleep. We're in a different time zone every day.

I'm drinking. The flights. The shows. The gigs. Yeah, you're right. How would cavemen survive without Seroquel? Well, they didn't do the chuckle hut either. They didn't do the funny bone in Omaha.

Great room. Do you do it because you love it? Do you love that you can take a sleeping pill and conk out? And it works. Doesn't it fuck you? Don't you get like fucking wild ass dreams? Crazy dreams. Crazy.

That's what Kevin James told me when he was, he used to take the, what's the other one? Ambien. Ambien's bad news. He woke up once, he had made dinner in the middle of the night and didn't know about it. And he went downstairs and was like, who the fuck made this? Like, who cooked? Yeah, look at Roseanne.

She had a career. Oh, yeah. Dude, Ambien is bad. Bad. It's like you disassociate. You don't know what the fuck you're saying. Oh, yeah. Ari, what are you thinking about?

I want my dog in here. You want your dog? I want him so bad, dude. Bring the dog in. There's a lot of electronics. Bring that dog in here. I think they're listening in the lobby. Bring the dog in. There's a lot of electronics. Bring that dog in here. I think they're listening in the lobby. Bring the dog in. Listen, you don't choose one of the wires, we have a real problem.

He won't choose wires. Kick him in the ribs. Is that a girl? He doesn't see gender. Gender's over. You call her a he? Is he a she? What is it? It's a he. Oh, it is? I'd say. Oh, shit. You got a real Elliot Page on you, huh? Sweet dog, dude. Yeah.

Where'd you get that dog? That's the best. Snars is the name of the rescue. Snars on the way to Sal's wedding. Thank you. It's a great, great dog. Sal's wedding. Yeah, some sucker adopted her, and then the dumb fucking inbred kid was allergic.

Gave it back. Whoa, bro. Their loss is my gain. Jewish kid. Why are you talking about kids? What? Well, wait a minute. Every dog's a rescue now.

I've never heard of a guy say it's not a rescue. How can they all be rescues? Joe, how much do you pay for your dog? My dog is not a rescue. Yeah, exactly. Louie's is not. He's a golden retriever. But we wanted a very specific kind of dog. Not a rescue golden retrievers. Yeah, exactly. Louis is not. He's a golden retriever. But we wanted a very specific kind of dog.

Not a rescue golden retrievers. Yeah. Or French bulldogs. Everybody that has one, those are not rescues. They call them rescues, I feel like. No way. Although the people that would have a French bulldog would say it's a rescue. Yeah.

But it's not. Certain dogs, they just engineered them to be love machines. Yeah, Pomeranian. Yeah. Those are cute. There's dogs that are just fucking love machines. They, Pomeranian. Yeah. Those are cute. There's dogs that are just fucking love machines. They just want to love you. Come here.

That's all we want. Because they used to herd sheep and fuck kids or whatever, but now they don't want that anymore. We just want to hug. Yeah. Right? Same with cats. Dogs used to fuck kids.

What are you saying? I'm really enjoying this. They used to herd sheep And fuck kids Mark's the only one Not high up his ass He's just talking I'm seeing I've got

He's trying to fill the air He's got mushroom I ate half of it I took a stem Eat the fucking whole thing Well no Then we'd have no pod No that's funny

Alright He's running now I actually like it I like what's going on Guys we're fine We got a good thing cooking Except Ari's out to lunch I'm back Are you? I'm back I was gone all. I like what's going on. Guys, we're fine. We got a good thing cooking. Except Ari's out to lunch. I'm back.

Are you? I'm back. I was gone all minute. I'm back. It's like a career. Feeling good. It's like a career. It's making me laugh watching you.

Trying to hold something together. Like about the World Cup. I'm trying. Guy got fucking shot. We don't see each other until every four months. Yeah. We just got to be careful with the cross talk because it makes nobody can understand anything anybody's saying. This episode is brought to you by cross talk.

That's a new kind of workout. Is that an old Will Smith sitcom? What happened? Will Smith is done. He's not done. He's got to make a big comeback. Talk to Kanye. He's got a movie coming out.

Does he? And he's worried about the attendance. What are you saying, Jamie? I'm disagreeing. I think it's an Apple movie, though. Well, I'm sure they probably filmed it all before that. That's true. Isn't it like an action movie?

It better be. He plays a slave escaping. What the fuck? I've never heard of that before. It's an action thriller is what it's listed as, so yeah, it's emancipation. Maybe the guilt will kick in and we'll all go see it. So. Oh my god.

Yeah, that is true. Who would have thought, guys? The hard part is Chris Rock has a lot of pressure to write a chunk on that. That's a lot of pressure. Not gonna. on that. That's a lot of pressure. Not gonna. Don't let him fucking say what you do. What? He's not gonna let him, like, everyone's like, now we want a bit about that, because I was

already writing bits. I'm not doing this. I heard he's murdering it. Yeah. I heard from everybody's murder. I saw him in Austin. He said he murdered it. What?

Yeah. I went on the road. We went to Philly together. How long ago was this? Two months Two months ago? Nice Yeah

How was it? It was incredible It was like one of those moments It was one of those moments in comedy Where you're like god damn Yeah This is crazy That's good stuff

Yeah But he had a joke about it And it was Incredibly funny Okay Yeah Thank god he didn't Fucking heed your advice

Dickhead Exactly I heard he's back to like Bring the pain levels Incredibly funny. Okay. Yeah, thank God. He didn't fucking heed your advice dickhead I heard he's back to like bring the pain levels Right and he said crazy shit He was saying Colin Quinn's like oh be like oh my god, and I was like I felt like old comedy again Yeah, well if anybody can do it he can do it now I felt like old comedy again. Well, if anybody can do it, he can do it now. After getting slapped like that,

and they give a standing ovation to the guy that slapped him in the Academy Award. They're such fucking phonies. Bro, it's a mind virus. And if anybody didn't know it, if you watch that just pattern of behavior, how that all plays out, and how that makes any sense to anybody, that's how crazy those people are.

They don't know what to do. Oh, buddy! Yeah! That's how crazy those people are. They don't know what to do. Oh, buddy! Let's get a dog in here. Best dog in the world! Wow. Already chewed a quarter. He took it away. He took it away, did he?

It was a quarter. Went straight for a quarter. Oh, it's Ice Cubes. I give him cheap treats. That's the first addition to this group is that dog. It's the only person we've let in. What did you just say? See how Brian Simpson was trying to get on?

He was trying. It's so funny. Just to go do a drink contest with you. I'm like, what are we doing here? Not on my watch, Bri. Look at that sweetie. There's only four mics. Oh, look at that.

That is a nice dog. Good looking bitch. That dog's in love with you. Aww. Aww. Come on, man. That's fucking weird. That's gross. That's white people shit. Don't put a camera on that. Alright, you're out of the group. That'll get a spam from YouTube. Dude, the dog doesn't like it. You're fucking that dog. The dog's like,

what is this guy doing to me? Well, now the dog's gonna get high. You ever hear Big Jay's joke about Michael Jackson had dog belly? No. I'm just kidding. Oh, my God. Dog belly. It's so funny.

That's great. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Big Jay, funny guy. The best. You can't have her running around here, brother. No, she's fine. She doesn't chew cords.

Yeah, but that's what you say. You don't know. She definitely doesn't chew cords. Yeah, but that's what you say. You don't know. She's definitely going to chew cords. She's going to chew a cord. She never chewed a cord before. I never thought you would chew a cord. It's a dog. It's not a rat.

She's chewing something. I gave her ice. According to Jim. Don't you feel better with the presence of a dog in here? I'll see you all in hell. Fucking Jim. Don't you feel better with the presence of a dog in here? I'll see you all in hell. Woo! Fucking Jim! What did you say?

He just goes, according to Jim. I got the cord in there. All right, J-Mo! Bring it up according to Jim. Every time he has a reference, I want an image of it. Please. It'd be nice. Please. Jesus Christ. That's the Jim Belushi song. Show, right? According to Jim. Every time he has a reference, I want an image of it. Please. It'd be nice. Please.

Jesus Christ. That's the Jim Belushi show, right? According to Jim. According. Crazy reference. I'll never not think about it. Every time I see it, according to Jim. Those shows, you try to watch those shows.

Try to watch one of those really bland sitcoms. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, my God. That's just in Norman's brain. They're talking about courts. sitcoms yeah oh man the kids be like happy and jovial the wife's always too hot and he's always an idiot like every show prototype try watching one of those now like like you're watching like people wear powdered wigs in the 18th century. It's so fake. The laugh track.

It's so fake now. It's so weird. It's so weird. It's kooky. Well, the thing is, once you get used to doing podcasts and talking like this, talking normal, there he is. Hey! That guy rules.

Is he growing weird? He does look like he rules. Fat stogie, took that money. He might rule. Yeah, that's it. Was the jury out? He definitely rules. He's growing weird. He does look like a rule. Fat stogie. Took that money. He might rule. Yeah, that's it. He rules. Was the jury out? He definitely rules.

He's got a cowboy hat. He left Hollywood to launch a pot farm. Fuck yeah. He gets it. Oh, yeah. That's hot. He gets it. Good for him.

That's smart. Listen, who might have judged? I was on Fear Factor for six years. Oh, good point. Good point. I would have done that stupid show. News radio wasn't there. I would have been his wacky brother.

Come on, man. Let's go to the club. I would have been his brother on that stupid show. Yeah, you're right. Listen, back in those days, especially in the 90s, when people offered you roles on sitcoms, you said yes. Of course. Look at Andy Dick. Everybody did it.

Made a career out of it. Yeah. Well, I was on news radio with him. How was he? He was funny. He's a funny guy. He's funny. He's fucking talented as shit, man. We had scenes and I couldn't stop laughing.

I couldn't keep a straight face. There's a scene in news radio that I always point to. It's them burying a rat and then Joe not able to, they didn't get any good takes without Joe laughing. Really? Yeah. You gotta find, it's them burying a rat and someone's like, we should say a service to the rat. And then he's so funny and Joe's like, we should say a service to the rat.

And then he's so funny, and Joe's like, Joe, just say nothing. I'm sure, right? Yeah, I just couldn't. I was just hanging in there as much as I could. We did like six takes. How was it being on that set? You got Phil Hartman. You got the other guy.

Andy Dick was the funniest. Really? Yeah, it was a different kind of funny. Towards the end. Like Dave Foley was very funny I love Foley No, that's when everyone's around later Or right before this Man, you are hunky Hunky conversation. But for those poor creatures eking out a hard scrabble existence every day, it's something else entirely.

Man, you are hunky. Hunky. A tasty bean. So as we bid farewell to Mike, or Mike's friend, we'll never know for sure, we must remember that we... Someone had an overnight pickup? Hey, buddy, we're in the middle of something here, okay? Yeah, I'm sorry. If you could just

give us a moment, thanks. Alright, I'm sorry. If you could just give us a moment, thanks. All right, I guess. Did you bang any cast members? Just Dave. She's got a bod on her. Just Dave. I think we might be playing too much of this. It's right after this. Yeah.

I'm fucking enthralled. Yeah, I'm bored. I like it. I'm bored and it's me. No, but if it was me, I'd say please turn this off. I think that's thehralled. Yeah, I'm bored. I like it. I'm bored and it's me. No, but if it was me, I'd say, please turn this off. I think that's the wrong one.

No, it's watch. It was that. You're a stupid fucking watch again. Why, dude? It's a time-out. So many things are so confusing to me.

Never stops ticking. But it also makes sense. Where's that dog? You better not be chewing on fucking cords. Oh, great. Oh, I gave him a shroom chocolate.

The chocolate's a problem. It's a Shafir. He's had plenty. Oh, really? Isn't it weird that chocolates kill dogs? That's crazy.

It's like a... Does it? Yeah. Yeah, I can't They love it. They eat enough of it. You've seen it? I did it.

What? I didn't know. I gave him a Twix. Really? Yeah, when I was a kid. Wait, what? The dog died? It really flips know. I gave him a Twix. Really? Yeah, when I was a kid. Wait, what? The dog died?

And it really flips, expazzes. It's wild. Wow. Is that how you did it? That was me. That's how you did it. You gave him the Twix. You made him trample the Twix.

It's a bromine content. It's like a horse with a carrot. It's a theobromine content, which dogs are unable to metabolize correctly. If your dog eats chocolate, you should monitor them closely and seek veterinary attention if they show any symptoms or if they're very young, pregnant, or have other health concerns. There you go. What happened to the dog?

What kind of dog was it? A lot of yakking. It was a terrier. Shadow. No, Shadow. Like a Wizard of Oz dog. You ever hear about that bear that ate the cocaine? Yes.

Pablo Escabear. They're making a movie now. Come on! That's not mine. That's a great joke. I wish. Wait, what was the bear that ate the coke? Yeah, like some dudes dropped some coke at a parachutes.

It's just an airdrop drug dealer and a bear got on there. It's a movie now? They're making a movie. Oh, Jesus. Coked up bear is killing everybody. Where should we go? That's fun. Coked up bear.

Boy, movies have hit a new low, huh? This is probably the best movie you'll ever see. What the fuck are you talking about? A c low, huh? This is probably the best movie you'll ever see. What the fuck are you talking about? A coked up bear? This movie rules. This movie rules. This is actually a good one.

Why would you ever not be watching this movie? This movie rules. Look at this. They find packages of coke based, inspired by true. Oh, Ray Liotta's last movie. His last movie was Cocaine Bear. Look at it. The bear's eating the Coke.

And the guy's yelling at the bear. Bro. This is silly. A bear did cocaine. There was a bear. A bear? It was far. Hey.

Oh, come on, guys guys It's the height of comedy This is pretty fucking shitty Yeah This is like the worst movie That's ever been Ray Liotta was Damn This is his last movie

I gotta see that What's the name of that? Cocaine Bear I'll definitely see it Cocaine Bear I don't think it's creative enough To change it. It's getting good title either.

We keep talking about doing like a fight companion for bad movies. That's a great idea. That might be the movie. Mystery Science. Come on, that might be the movie to do it. Cocaine Bear. They should have gone the other way and have the bear be like, we should start a bar. This is the best night of our lives.

We're having a great time. Have you gotten into crypto? Yeah. FTX. That FTX thing is crazy because so many people were spokespeople for it. Is that the one where Tom Brady broke up his marriage?

Tom Brady's having a rough fucking... That didn't break up his marriage. Oh, I bet that was it. You can quote me on that. He quoted you? I'm telling you, she was like, we better split ties right now there, Tommy, because it's about to get ugly. Who's the fortune favors the bold?

Who's that? That was Matt Damon. Matt Damon for which Bitcoin? Who cares? I forget. Which what? Fortune favors the bold. He told his people to put their money in. It's a crypto fucking arena. Fortune Feim bold. He told us people put their money in it.

Crypto fucking arena. Fortune Feimster. I think they own the Staples Center now. When he was comparing it to people going to the moon, and I'm like, bro. They don't own it. They named it. They don't own it. Well, of course.

They were talking about it. Jayden, Jayden, correct me real quick for you. What did you say? I said they don't own it. We can't have three different conversations going on, kids. When they were talking about... Somebody say kids? He was doing that commercial where he's comparing it to space travel.

Yeah. Talking about innovators, groundbreakers. Look at this. Telling all these fucking barely-making-of-people to throw all their money at us. By the way, I'm a big Matt Damon fan. Who almost adventured. Who almost achieved. But ultimately, for them it proved to be too much.

He's telling regular people to be Galileo. Yeah. Look at this. These fucking losers. We're talking about people who embrace the moment. That guy's not embracing the moment. That guy's a crazy fuck climbing a glacier. That's not smart.

This is cheesy. The Wright brothers. Oh, God. It's funny. These mere mortals. Oh, God. Just like you and me. It's funny. Those guys invented flight and climbed a mountain. They're like, look at these gay guys. Guys on holly.

These guys just kiss. That was also pretty brave if you think about it. Wasn't it? It's true. Four simple words that have been whispered by the intrepid since the time of the Romans. Fortune favors the brave. It's not really brave to buy crypto. Well, it is now.

It is now it is. Yeah. But when something like that FTX thing goes down where you watch billions of dollars just disappear, yeah. I lost a fortune. Fortune favors the brave? Is that what you were doing there with that? Well, I'm just saying I lost a lot of money.

Did you lose a lot of money? Yeah. You really did put money in crypto? I did. I'm trying to tell you. Oh, I thought you were joking. No, no. I lost a ton.

How much? I don't want to get into numbers here. It's being impolite. How much? Enough to disturb you. That was the first time I checked. I lost like 15 grand. In the tens of thousands.

This year. Yeah. I thought it was the right thing to do. I saw the commercial. I was never going to take it out of there. So people are suing Larry David, right? He was just in a commercial. Because he did a commercial for them.

They're suing. There's a class action lawsuit. I think it involves, find out what it does. Tom Brady, Larry David. They're saying, why'd you tell us to do this? I don't know that it's gone through yet. I think they've talked about it. So some people are saying, but then there's also the people that are like, where's my money?

This guy is just going to go to some New York Times thing that they're doing this week, right? Wasn't that? There you go. They've got some New York Times thing where people are speaking and he's going to go up there, hey, I fucked up. Yeah. They've got some New York Times thing where people are speaking. Yeah. And he's going to go up there, hey, I fucked up.

Everyone. Don't do that. In the end, you shouldn't do that. It's actually live, my bad. It's live? Yeah, he's on right now. Whoa. He's on right now?

Yeah. Okay. It's probably going to be very boring. It looks like his brain is exploding through his head. This guy's a weirdo. What the fuck, dude? This is nuts. It's like Oz.

It's like the fucking guy back there. Right. I don't like it. Don't look past the curtain. Couldn't get this guy a better plant? Put the headphones on so you can hear this guy. I don't want to hear him. No, it's bizarre. Jewish yay or nay? What? Could be.

I would go yay. What are you talking about? What's his name? Fried. Freed. Freed. Yeah, 100%. He balled out. Got a real bird's nest on him, huh?

Jealous. Yeah, Mulaney. Look at him shaking. I think he just shakes. Bro, he's shrieking. Yeah, look at the pupils are huge. Like a doll's eyes. This is weird. tied together substantially more than I would have ever wanted it to be.

This is weird. Keep going. Keep going. I don't even understand. We've got to be the only people. Keep going. This is future. I'm just studying him. Nexuses?

I know the people from Alameda decently well, almost as if you don't know what's happening there. And there isn't like a large amount, you know, of ways remain that we are actively working together. Anything like that, Alameda is a wholly separate entity. They're different offices, like different principal offices. We don't have any shared personnel. We're also not the same company.

We're not all under the same corporate umbrella or anything like that. And yet, it seems like Alameda people, we're living in the same penthouse where you may very well be right now. I guess it seems that way, doesn't it, asshole? Yeah, right? Most of Alameda was not

there. I don't live there Alameda was not there. I don't live there now, or not there now. I have not lived there. Skinny arms. I did live with one or two members of Alameda for a little while. And I'll also say that as I was, earlier this summer, you know, earlier this summer looking at the relationship and this is a big mistake in over-the-top mind.

I think he's really autistic. Ah. I can't recognize my own. And so when I was looking at how intertwined our... You're like a beta fish? Fuck this guy! Swiping out on like a cat?

That had fallen off from something like 35% in 2019 to something like 2% this year. But in terms of positions and balances, we lost Rogan. I don't even know what he's talking about. I don't know what he is. I'm just studying his mannerisms. Yeah, he's tweaking out like Hitler at those fucking games. 100% tweaking out.

Yes. That's a lot of pressure. Very under pressure. Also, he's tweaking from that for sure. Imagine billions of dollars are missing. Gone, yeah. That's live, dude. He's getting millions of dollars.

Are just gone. And they've got all these tweets and shit, different things that they've said, said then different statements that he said about his company that just seemed to be untrue Live updates of the stuff he was saying during it But the thing that he was just discussing there is this another company called Alameda and apparently they gave in they'd moved $10,000,000,000 over to Alameda and they don't know Like how that was done or what it was done, but it was like a company that was connected to them. Initially, he lied about it and said he didn't work with those people,

and they were all banging each other. Whoa. They were in. Don't come back to that. I don't know them. They were fucking that guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys should take all this money so that it'll be cool.

Hey, that was last week. They were fucking that guy? No, he's gone. Yeah, he lived in a house with like 10 people. They were all banging each other. Influencer house for Bitcoin? Every time. And they were all doing amphetamines.

This lady who was one of them, she wrote on Twitter. This was like one of the top people at his company. Wrote on Twitter that after you... What was the exact quote? We talked about it yesterday. Find her exact. I don't want to paraphrase because I'm high. You know you're on shrooms when the screen

is all flunky. I feel like I watch things and they're not even there. I know. I can just picture things happening on that screen. So he's going to fry. He's going down. It looks like fried is fucked. Damn. It looks like he's fucked. That wasn't great.

I didn't understand one word. I don't remember what it was. Freed rather is fucked. Nothing like regular amphetamine used to make you appreciate how dumb a lot of normal non-medicated human experience is. This is in April of 2021. I thought that was a reaction to what we just saw.

She was one of the top dogs over there. She was one of the top people over there. And they were all banging each other. Every time. On speed, banging each other, making billions of fake money. What did they do? Figure out a way to take the money away from the people? I don't know what happened, man.

Whoa! It was at Wilt Chamberlain's. They lived in a $40 million penthouse, and now it's listed for sale. All those dorks were fucking in this cool place. Those dorks were all fucking in there place. Those dorks were on that fucking thing. Bro, they thought they were in a movie. They thought they were in a movie. They're on amphetamines.

They're banging. Good for them. Yeah, but they know how those movies end. They're pushing half-soaked dicks into each other. There's a dog in here. What does it smell like? Part of me is rooting for them. Part of me is like, I wish they weren't stealing money. I wish it wasn't a Ponzi scheme.

Yeah, man. I wish, because if it wasn't a Ponzi scheme. Easy. It's funny how that guy. If it wasn't a Ponzi scheme, it would be nice to be off. It would be amazing to see that they succeed and they go over there and they start making all this money. He wouldn't succeed if it wasn't a Ponzi. He wouldn't succeed.

It's the chicken or the egg. But that guy either goes school shooter or crypto. I'm going to take these. I'm going to get on a flight. There's something about those crypto people. It's like there's something about people that are just venturing out into the world of like a new thing that you're just like, are you sure?

Where are you going? Well, that's why it's fortune favors the bold. They're like the Wright brothers. Yeah, but I don't mean just people investing in them. I mean the people that are like the top executives and they're involved in this. It's like, what a weird fucking world you're navigating. Yeah. So when you dosed Bert, how much did you give him?

I gave him about a third. Oh, actual amount? I gave him about a half of what I would do. And then I did the other half in mine. So I forgot now. I saw him that night. He was having a blast. He was having a blast.

Yeah, obviously. He was on fucking ball. Your dog just tried to eat something off the table. No, it was treats. Easy. Joe, my dog's cool. Don't mix up the treats and the treats. No, I'm not worried about your dog being cool. Your dog's tried to eat something off the table. No, it was treats. Easy. Joe, my dog's cool. Don't mix up the treats and the treats. I'm not worried about your dog being cool.

Your dog's very cool. I just don't want your dog to accidentally get fucked up. Joe just doesn't trust you. He's like, no way I can train this dog right. She's so sweet. Even the dog's really yawning. Look at that face. Oh, I have a big announcement to make.

What's the announcement? Skankfest is the last weekend of September. What? Next year? Uh-huh is the last weekend of September. What? Next year? Uh-huh. They're already planning it out. That's a big announcement. No one's going to remember that, bro.

We'll do three or four protect our parks between now and then. That's a long time. Wait, here's a question. Skankfest should know. Who will die first out of all of us? That's a good question. Someone will die. You put that dog on drugs.

Excuse me. You put that dog on anti-depressants. Anxiety. Who dies before? Well, you're going to be in Guatemala fighting the pirates or who knows what. If I die, it'll be weird. Fighting pirates. It'll be in weird circumstances.

You'll get killed by an octopus. Yeah. You can even China. Who knows? Hang gliding. Who dies first between all of us? That's a good question. One of us statistically.

Maybe J-Mo. But statistically, one of us will die. Oh, J-Mo's pretty good. Yeah, you're safe. You're behind a desk. I feel like it'd be me or Shane probably. You think? Die first, yeah.

Yeah, we're taking chances. All right. Living life. We're out there much. Just doing drugs, not doing much else. Out there hustling. Life is for living. Keeping it real.

Keeping it real, dude. That's the problem. I mean, think about how many comics since we've started have died. A lot. Patrice, Ralphie May, fucking fentanyl folk. It happens. Suicide. Suicide.

It's rough. Yeah, Geraldo. What the fuck are we doing again? What are we doing? Can we go back to this? All right. We can keep talking. It's just, you know.

Who's the charger? Do something. Norman, get us another topic. It's fine. Here we go. We're a pilot. We're going to be okay. We're going to be okay.

It's just that you don't appreciate, you don't want to live forever. You see Alyssa Milano and Musk fighting? That was fun. It's adorable. Yeah, she bought a Volkswagen. Yeah, because she said there's too many Nazis on Twitter. It's so funny that they're like, oh, yeah, we don't care

about recycling anymore. Balenciaga was Nazi, too. Was he? Was it? Yeah, that was a Nazi company. Oh, my God. So was Adidas. Maybe that's the one I'm thinking. Adidas was a Nazi company. There you go. Yeah, Adidas, that was the craziest thing about them dropping Kanye. Was it like Hugo Boss?

Yeah. Hugo Boss for sure. IBM. I got fired from the IBM spot because of a tweet once, but that was like, you made systems to process juice faster. Yeah. Didn't Audi make one of the very first race cars for Hitler? What?

Wasn't there a race car for Hitler that was made by Audi? Get away. Trying to do a speed train by It's a dope looking car too. It's not the fucking engineers fault that they were stuck in Nazi Germany but those guys were bad motherfuckers they made this dope ass car

that was like it was supposed to like win the war or win you know races for the Nazi party. Well he hated that Jesse Owens I'll tell you that. He really did hate Jesse Owens. That's the Mercedes, but he had a race car. Oh, that's sexy. So why don't you just Google...

I Googled BMW and then I clicked on the wrong one as well. That's not a race car. No, but Audi. Did you try Audi? Oh, Audi, I'm sorry. Oh, you didn't hear me. Okay. Guys, what's going on again?

That's it, that's it, that's it. The second one there, right there, that's the car. Oh, that's cool. me. Okay. Guys. Audi. That's it. That's it. That's it. The second one there? Right there. That's the car. That's cool. It looks like a dick. So look at it have the Audi symbol in the front. Oh, yeah.

That's a dope little car, man. Look at that thing. That's a cool car. That would win a war. Pulling up to the comedy club in there? To Brett Favre. That's the craziest thing about the German engineers. That's the millions of hits I have right now.

That's amazing. But you got 405 now. Don't sell yourself short. The thing about the engineering back then, do you know how much better that was than anything America was making? Look at this, though. This has the Mercedes symbol on it? Yeah.

That one has the Audi symbol on it. Yeah, I think they were connected somehow. It's almost like there's a conspiracy to try to bring them down. I think he might be onto something. Yeah, I forget what the connection is. I forget what that worked, but I do remember the Audi symbol on the front. It's the same car, yeah. You know what's amazing?

Your dog likes me, dude. He does like you. It's a good dog. You know what's amazing is how many people came out of that Nazi party that were fucking incredible engineers to the point where the United States adopted a bunch of them, the Soviets took a bunch of them. They took all these scientists. Well, a lot of them moved to South America. Yeah, Argentina.

That's why they're very white down there. Yeah. Because of the German jizz. Well, there's towns down there that are like fully German towns. Oh, is that right? Yeah, they have Oktoberfest. Oh, yeah, they went there in droves. Yeah.

That's fun. Tim Kennedy did that show called Finding Hitler. Finding Hitler shows. Yeah. It was what the rumor was. We found him. The conspiracy theory was that Hitler had escaped and Hitler had made it to South America. And that sounds ridiculous.

But for sure, Nazis made it to South America. For fucking sure. Also, did they ever find his body? So that was where the rumor came from. I can see it. I don't know. Also, did they ever find his body? I can see it. I don't know. No, they found it. Did they?

Yeah, he killed it. He shot himself in the head. They didn't find his body, though. What? They didn't find his body. They burnt it. He had his guys burn it. He ate cyanide, shot himself, and then they burned the body. Jesus Christ.

So no one could claim the victory? Whoa. Because he knew we'd be on the Joe Rogan Experience going, where the fuck did that guy go? Where's his body? Who the fuck is he, dude? What's in the bag? What's in the box? Yeah, you got to think about how many fucking insanely brilliant engineers and rocket scientists came out of that horrible regime.

Hitler and Eva Braun's remains were burnt in a shell crater outside the emergency exit at the left. Who said it? Seems suspicious. I think Argentina is a better solution. What do you mean? Hitler goes to Argentina. Let me just throw this out.

Instead of shooting ourselves, Argentina. Imagine they all just live in this town together and they go like this. What the fuck just happened? Remember we all shot ourselves? Phew. What the fuck was going on? We lost our minds back there.

We got to just accept everybody for who they are. Agreed. Agreed. We went too far. They had a good run. Agreed. I guess they just settled down and now they just live there. Yeah.

They're retired. Like there's pictures on people's walls of like SS soldiers. Why do we talk about Hitler more than Mao? Mao killed more people. Yeah. I don't know enough about that. Stop Asian hate. Yeah, I don't know enough about Mao.

Ah. Mao Ying? But it's also, it's like, what do you have the most video footage of? Right. That's what has the big impact. Ah, that's what it is. We got the footage. And Hitler was such a compelling speaker.

Such a scary speaker. With that creepy-ass mustache. He ruined that mustache forever. Shane would like to rock it, but he can't. I want that mustache. If Hitler wasn't a thing and you had that mustache, dude. That mustache was preposterous. You could own that mustache.

Even Adolf. It makes your face even fatter. That's true. That little fatter. That's true. With that little tiny thing. That's true. Well, it's supposed to be Charlie Chaplin. That's what he did after. His favorite comedian.

What? What? No. For real. Yeah. Well, Hitler. MJ brought it back. Michael Jordan tried it for a while.

If anybody could do it, he could do it, and even he couldn't do it. Well, he's the best at what he does as well as Hitler. He had to let it go. But wait a minute. I'm telling you, Chaplin was the reason. No way, really? Pull it up. I heard him think that he liked Napoleon so much.

Hitler loved Napoleon. He was a great world leader, took over, dominated. So Napoleon had this tomb, this whatever. He's fine. He's fine. And he would make everybody. He built it small. So when you entered Napoleon's tomb, you had to lower your head out of respect.

And Hitler knew that. And he goes in the church of the notre dame and he goes uh build me a series of uh mirrors so i don't have to lower my head i still want to see his fucking tomb i'm not lowering my head to this motherfucker whoa yeah and he was able to see his body standing straight up damn jesus what a fucking dumbass that's why I lost the war. What a jerk. He was so gay. You know what I mean. A Phil Bavarian mustache, the kind of extravagant chops you can hang a hat on. However, his superiors in the Bavarian infantry division ordered him to clip his mustache down so his gas mask would fit over his mouth properly.

So that's why he had a mustache like that. Damn it. Oh my god What about mustache was to stop gas Matt to make a gas mask fit? Right. Did you watch all quiet on the Western Front? No That was a bummer what do you mean? Yeah, well it doesn't get talked about because of the sequel. It was a true bummer. Oh, my God. It's like Terminator.

Yeah, that's why the sequel happened. That's why he was out there. Old Adolf was out there saying, what the fuck? Why did we do this? Because it was the worst, most pointless war. Really? I mean, the worst was what they did. Two.

Part two on the Eastern Front was the worst of all time. Why was... Oh, hold on. It's bad, dude. What was the the point was it Franz Ferdinand was that it Yeah I mean there's no reason Come on it's gotta be a reason They got talked into it

They didn't know I guess What do they think the reason was Allegedly it was He was gay from Mussolini And then Germany was like It was an Austrian He was Austrian

Versus what, Serbia? It was in Serbia? I don't know, fuck it You're the history guy Everybody jumped in on everybody's sides History on mushrooms But Germany jumped in on everybody's sides. History on mushrooms. But Jeremy was the first to be like, that's great.

You can't shoot him. We'll step in. And then someone was like, no, if you step in, then we got to step in. Then we all got to step in. Then they all stepped in. What's really crazy is that kind of warfare is not that far and long ago. How? No. Not that long ago at all, man.

That's how they used to march towards each other. That was one, though, right? That was one, yeah. But two, eight years ago. But at least the Revolutionary War, you know why it started. But you know why they're doing it, because of slavery, right? Do you know what Metsger said to me last night that was intense? Metsger goes, he goes, don't you fucking notice

in video games the number one video game is a World War II game? He goes, because it's the last one people feel good about winning. World War II. So you can go back

to World War II. We were the good guys. So that's the reason why you don't have modern weapons. Yeah. You can't move quicker. Yeah, there's no Ukraine,

Russia. Everybody likes to duke it out like they're in the 40s. Real now warfare where they go blowing up holes in windows and going like, sorry, keep your fucking dinner. We'll move on. Now it's drones.

You're like some regular person and you get online and you play one of those games against these psychos that are on all day long. All day long. Just kidding. There's people that are on all day long. All day long. Just killing people. They fuck you up. There's people that are playing those games all day long. Hi, guys.

What's new modern warfare? I tried to play it. I tried to play them all the time. You poke your head up. It's gone. It's gone. Pink mist. Like a motherfucker.

What? These are strong. What are you guys talking about? These are strong. The mushrooms. Yeah, they're strong as fuck. I know. God damn. Video games are strong. What are you guys talking about? These are strong. The mushrooms. Yeah, they're strong as fuck. I know. God damn.

Video games are dangerous. They could take your life, absorb your life into a video game. You're going to have so much fun, you're not even going to feel bad about it. But then you look back, you're like, how many hours was that just sitting in that room? The last Call of Duty war zone was built on ukraine in a war zone and like it was way too close to reality there's real life places that were really there in a city called like don't yes don't don't yes it's the monkey on the left huh monkey the monkey in the shot oh uh jesus christ stadium they have like different banks

and whatnot oh that's insane different parts of the city. And it came out right when the pandemic started. And then two years later, there's an actual war going on where all this is happening. Whoa. Are these real maps of the area? It's not a one-to-one recreation, but it's very close. These places exist. People have found them on Google Maps.

Whoa. See, we make fun of these gamers. We're going to need them. We're going to need them. Well, I'm making fun of them, but they do say that it does improve your brain function. Oh, yeah. We wanted to say, oh, you have to play chess in order to make your brain function better. No, no.

It's this? It's kind of any games. I think it's any games. Oh, chess games. Puzzles. Solving things. You know? Chess pains.

All right. But yeah, no, they're good for depression as well really cause depression in me oh really what am I doing all day well candy crush sometimes you get done with them and you're like what happened I know where did they go I was so funny to get addicted to something phone games. I got rid of Angry Birds. To like Zuma and Angry Birds. Yeah. Playing Angry Birds at home is so fucking funny.

What's that subway surfer one? I know. It's sad. The subway surfer dude. What's a subway surfer? Same shit. Back with the ratings. Were you jumping?

Yeah, you're always jumping over stuff. It's so addictive. I know. You can't help yourself. Yeah, you could be reading, but they're fun. Yeah, you could be learning shit, but would you be enjoying yourself as much? That's the problem. They give you something, but we just want to discount the enjoyment that they give you.

We love all kinds of enjoyment, but if you get enjoyment from a screen, what are you doing? Wasting your life getting enjoyment. That's true. Just doing that. Yeah. If you just sit and meditate, everybody's cool with it. Oh, good job. Oh, yeah like if you just sit and meditate everybody's cool with it oh good job oh yeah that's true you sit in the same spot you sit in the same spot like one way you're watching something and the other way you're like oh and we're like that guy's good yeah we've

decided that's better isn't that weird it's interesting same with a book you hold a book open you're like that's a smart guy getting shit done. But you could be reading a Kindle, and they go, ah, he's on a screen. Because if you're, I think meditating is good for you, don't get me wrong. But if you're meditating, there's a part of you that's like, I am just going to just settle down

and relax. Oh, that was good. Just gonna find my center, and then approach life from here. Wait, what about this? This might be the shrooms talking. But what if we have real problems in America? What if we made them into video games and let kids solve them?

And then we'd solve problems. All right. Well, I'm just saying, you know, you got... Can you imagine if that's how world events... That's a movie and that's two movies. That's Project X with Matthew Broderick and Ender's Game. Thank God you're here. These guys are about to discount that.

And now it's a movie. Well, he wasn't going to. Jamie pulls out references. Thank you, JMO. He pulled out Ender's Game. They make a kid think he's playing a game, but he's actually controlling the whole fucking arm. You see? Sim City.

I wasn't making fun of you. All right, well, the whole thing just shut down after that. If they just keep making drones and our drones fight each other. That's going to happen. Yeah, drone fight drones. How long before we have proxy wars with machines going after each other? Mistake. It's not a joke.

I mean, we have a- That's a mistake. Sitting this whole fucking show. I know, but we're trying to do a show here with entertainment. You just got here. God damn it. You just got there? Yeah, your face is this fucking show. I know, but we're trying to do a show here with entertainment. You just got here? God damn it. You just got there? Yeah, your face is this fucking big.

Jesus Christ. I thought you were Buddha. You look like one of those Eastern Island cuts. You know what I'm talking about? Oh. You're freaking me out. Temple of Doom.

Shit. It'd be so funny if we just, tomorrow, it was deleted. I still can't believe this pile of X. I was like, eh. It could happen. I still can't believe your pile of notes, man. And you insist on keeping them in your pocket. Oh, yeah.

I got some new stuff on here. You're going to get a bad back, man. You tell me about the sciatica. Strong as an ox. I used to keep my wallet back there. I had a guy when I was playing poker. He's like, hey, I used to do that. It'll give you sciatica.

And I was like, all right. He goes, no, I have terrible back pain all the time. You should take it out right now. Really? Yeah, if you have an imbalance, like a big fat wallet on one side and you sit on it, you're going to get a fucked up back. Really? Yeah, it's a lot of pressure on one side of the disc.

So your body's hinging. So you're constantly hinging and you're putting this unnatural weight on one side of your back because you've got a rock under your ass. So you're sitting like this. So it puts more pressure on one side. It can cause bulging discs. Ay, ay, ay. Yeah, you shouldn't sit with anything in your back pocket.

Front pocket? You have a solution. Just, you shouldn't sit with anything in your back pocket. Front pocket? You have a solution. Just front pocket. I got my keys in there. Oh, my God. That's going to be a bad thing. Oh, no. See the other guy sitting?

That's Norman. What the hell? That's you. Oh, no. With that fat wallet. See how his back's all fucked up? That's like your back, right? Yeah, that is my back.

That's what I'm saying. Hold on. Trust me. It's Tussers with Suras. Oh, I shit myself. That was a false alarm. He tried to fart. I tried and I squirted.

Did you? Yeah, can we get the dog in here? Slick that up. This is too much. What an uncomfortable platform to be very high on. That's perfect. That's perfect It's perfect Dude it was so funny Seeing on like CNN

Or some dumb shit thing They go Joe Rogan weighs in on this And it was you and Duncan And I was like Oh what But It was just you in costumes

With candles We were dressed like clowns And they're like Ignoring that We were dressed like clowns And we were Where the show was lit by candles. Every show we do.

They're literally quoting you on a news cycle. Dude, they've quoted me before where I was dressed like one of the Patriots. The powdered wig and all that. Yeah, I had a powdered wig on. I put the costume on. And we're talking about freedom and liberty. Look at that. Look how classy-eyed you are.

Oh, my God. It's a comedy show, you quips. We're barbecued. And then look at that one. I was dressed like an astronaut. He was in a ghillie suit. That's great. He's the best.

That's great. Smart guy. I do some of the best podcasts ever with him. He's so fun. Is this your first shroom ep? No, I did shrooms with Post Malone. That was probably the first one I did. Post Malone rules. Does he? Yeah.

He definitely rules. Really? I don't know. He rules. He rules. He's great. He's a great guy, too. His Nirvana thing was great. He's fucking great. He's also really fun to hang out with. We had a good fucking time. It was a lot of fun We were laughing and he was talking about kicking a wolf's ass He was like

I wish some bitch ass wolf would try But he knew We were just talking shit And we were laughing hard He's a funny dude He's a funny dude, man. He's a funny dude. Like, that dude could be a comic.

All right. No bullshit. Yeah, he's a funny dude. He tells funny stories. I wish a wolf would try. I wish that bitch-ass wolf would try. I mean, we're barbecued, and we're just talking nonsense. I'm pretty sure we were drinking, too.

It was a lot. There was a lot going on in that episode. But it was really fun. But he's just a fucking regular dude who's got a wild talent well he started really everybody's a regular guy exactly every single celeb they started out regular yeah everybody and when they're not it's just a defensive mechanism exactly i feel bad for the face tattoos how are you gonna get a job he'll right. Kids like the face tattoos today. Quiznos.

For some reason. They won't hire me. Those face tattoos say I don't give a fuck. It's a red flag to an HR. I'll scribble on my face. Not a bad looking guy, I guess. Great looking guy. Good hairline.

I like it. Yeah, good hairline. You gotta love the hairline. Yeah. Solid. Woo, look at those mitts. Your hands are fucking wild, it looks like he's wearing the gloves yeah when I was little it was very weird when I was young I imagine Joe Rogan is

breaking blocks like when I first started doing martial arts, I was skinny, really skinny, but I had these big-ass hands and feet. It's weird. Decent dong. Dongs stay the same. That's a rumor going around. Fitz Simmons, too. Big dick dick? Huge hog. I bet he got an angry dick.

Oh, Irish potato dick. Angry pale dick. Pale, definitely pale. Coming to get you. It can be 19 inches. It's pale. Coming to get you. It could be 19 inches. It's pale. Coming to get you. He's a

high-nish man like a fucking Northman. Every woman. You're about to get impaled. You're ready for this pounding. I got a mole on mine. No way. That's a problem. Isn't it true about how different people

agree to talk in different parts of the world? We just talk, hi, give it a pound and you know it's from that part of the world. That's true. If you're talking like us, if you're over there, if you're in England and you're doing like an impression of an American and you're talking like us, it's probably hilarious. But that's funny that Boston is the transition.

That's still a little hang up from English. Do you know sign language is different language in different countries? Oh, no. What a drag. One chance to get it right. They can't communicate with each other. You only had one chance to get that right.

As soon as it gets scattered, it's going to be like Bitcoin. It's going to be like all these other dog coins. And it's also English. Irish sign language is different than English sign language is different than American sign language. Why'd they do that? And someone's probably going to patent it and say, no, this is RE sign language. That's right. Everybody else is sign language. Go fuck yourselves.

But if you want to use this one, I got a piece. Yeah. What if you got arthritis, too? You can't talk. You can only talk to deaf people in Ireland. That's a good point, Mark Norman. I have a point. That's a good point.

That's a very good point. I'm just saying, you're mute. That's a good point. That's a very good point. I'm just saying, you're mute. Here's a true story. Dave Foley from NewsRadio cured his arthritis with CBD. Whoa. No, really? Yeah, he used to have heavy arthritis in his hands. His hands didn't move well.

CBD worked. He started taking CBD and it just completely- Does it? Does it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. I don't know. No.

100%. 100% it works. At minimum, it's the balm, but whatever it is, rub that shit on sore joints, it works. It's up here. No, no, no, no. It reduces inflammation. It definitely reduces inflammation. All right.

It definitely is good for you. After a hike, it's the best. I feel the difference. And the combination of the two, the thing is, the big one is if you do THC with CBD. That's what I said. When I was in California and it was legal, you could get these things from Speedweed that were like one-to-one. It was like one THC to one CBD. It was phenomenal.

All right. Because it was like, it relaxed you. It was really good for the muscles, but it also just kept you... You get a little tuned up. And it's no side effects. Tune the fuck... Exactly. And you can't get hooked on it

Maybe our dude maybe if you ever tried those to help you sleep what CBD like some CBD like sure see supplement I have actually yeah that does help it help, but it's not enough. I need that punch. I need a real knockout Oof, I know it's bad Ambien works, but it is rough So you wake up on the floor less rough. Yeah, yeah Yeah, I know a bunch of people's bad. Ambien works, but it is rough. Like you wake up on the floor. So the Cerakor is less rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know a bunch of people that love the Ambien. Oh, bad news. A lot of people in the production side of business where they're fucking working constantly

and they're overworked and overstressed and they've got to conk out because you've got to be up in seven hours no matter what. Oh, yeah. Just pop it. Totally. Pop it, let's go. But it Just pop it. Totally. Pop it. Let's go.

But it fucks you. You're wonky. And if you wake up, is it possible that you could wake up and be fully ambient up still? Like Venom, right? What the hell? That's what those people were. They were awake and not-

Venom? Spider-Man. Yeah, he would take over Peter Parker, and then he'd put him back to bed at the end of the night. He didn't even know he was up crime fighting. You haven't peed yet. No. I'm dying to pee.

To the death. You go. What's going on in this bubble you got here? Or you know, this gut you got here. I'm getting fat again.

How have you been with the working out? A lot of hoodies. I've been good with the working out but my food intake is off the charts. And also,

booze in. We've been boozing a little this charts. Well, then Vulcan. Also boozing. We've been boozing a little this month. Booze is empty calories. It's real. Yep. This is my posture. Even whiskey. The problem with doing these sober October type deals is when you get obsessed and you

go through something for like a month, at the end of it, you want to celebrate and you don't want to do anything anymore. And I've been trying to keep up the workouts and I'm going to make myself do five days a week. Jesus, that's all. You got kids, man. It's not hard to do it. You do it in the morning. You aim for the fucking victory line, like just stay strong until that day, then I'm good.

And then you take a week off, and now it's a new habit. Now it's boozing. Boozing. Been boozing this month. What about the kids stuff? Not bad. I'd like to have kids one day, and I worry about the comedy. Some kid's going to go, hey, look at your dad's talking about pedophilia. It boozing this month. What about the kids stuff? Not bad. I'd like to have kids one day and I worry about the comedy.

Some kid's going to go, hey, look at your dad's talking about pedophilia. It's a real question. Wow. Is that a thing? It is a thing. Now, how do you handle that, dad? You're an adult human being. Adult human beings talk like that.

That's what they do. It's an art form. It's called stand-up comedy. It doesn't mean he fucking means those things. Right, like Ozzy's eating a bat. Yeah. You can talk a lot of shit in my house. Really? Yeah yeah i let my kids talk all kinds of crazy shit oh that's fun i think it's fun if and if they crack on you and they get you it's funny that's healthy but it's also it's like teaching them how to like banter with people so people don't make them feel bad

now do they get shit from other people who don't like you not that i hear about all right that's good they keep it to themselves. A lot of bullies out there. I still picture a kid like one years old, so whatever. A kid like barely able to walk. Yeah, how old are we talking? Look, it's super bizarre being any person that has kids. Yes.

Like you're making little human beings. That's the most bizarre. All the other bizarre stuff, the extra stuff that comes with being famous, that's not nearly as bizarre as just the making the human being part. That's wacky. Everybody gets that. If you're a parent, everybody gets that, which is the wackiest, which is you just made a human. Yes.

Now they exist. You've got to teach them stuff and raise them and high-five them. Oh, yeah. And it's crazy you can do that on accident. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? You can make a kid. You're just leaving it a little too long.

I used to have a joke about that. Two seconds. Oh, yeah, and it's crazy you can do that on accident. Yeah About how you should be like one of them bad action movies where a president and the general have to Should be that much should be a cross you should have a sensor on your dick to make sure it's not hard Let this poor fool like he's getting close to hard he's his choices are getting very very touchy I have to pee but I don't want to look in the mirror it's going to fuck me up

I went and looked in the mirror it wasn't great we got to look at that all day the small dick when you pee on just that exchange right there I looked in the mirror it wasn't great I know what you mean The small dick when you pee on... I just had an exchange right there. I liked it. It wasn't great. We gotta look at that a little bit. That was a good exchange.

I know what you mean. Yes. I'm nervous about it. We should follow fucking Blues Brothers over here. In these shades. Oh, my God. Shade Gillis. Shade Gillis.

It's killing me, dude. Shade Gillis. This pod's finally cooking, baby. It's only been three hours. I mean, you're doodling. He's writing hostage

notes. You thought fucking psychedelics was a good idea for this podcast. That was not me, dude. I said no. I saw your hat and I was like, wait, what?

It sure looks like a right-sized jar. You did say no. Good times, though. I said no. It's like a right-sized jar. You did say no. Good times, though. Mark Tormund. I had a good time. Mark's fucked up. He's fucked up.

He's a weird fucking guy. I didn't know how weird he was until I saw that stack of notes. I'm reevaluating our friendship. The stack of notes is wild. It's a fucking fucked up thing to see while you're high, too, is your friend's insane notes. Well, that's why he's so funny. It's also like that style of jokes he has on stage. He's off stage.

It's mine still just going to this. Yes. But, I mean, seeing this. Going to the gym. Yeah. You're like, what? One thing you have to admit. You got to admit.

According to Jim. You got to admit that stack of notes. It's like, that's dedication. Oh, yeah. He's nonstop writing. That's a real dedication. That's a crazy stack. It's crazy oh yeah he's that's a real dedication that's a crazy it's crazy the way he organizes it yeah but what the what he's writing down like that that amount

of focus non-stop he loves yeah he loves it and he's he's great that's why he's so funny man yeah that's why he's one of the best yeah yeah he was struggling over like for that half hour he's like give a netflix i don't know and then at some point, everyone's like, you'll just write a new hour in like six months. He goes, oh yeah, you're right. Yeah. It's so fast. Yeah, he's an animal. Non-stop.

But seeing that thing, I'm like, dude, you're going to be walking real fucked up when you get old. You can't sit on your ass like that with like one lump over here and one lump over there. Oh, but the wallet balances it out. It doesn't balance that shit. You're not supposed to be sitting on these unbalanced things, man. Just fucking get a fanny pack, pussy. Look, just like this. They sell them everywhere.

No, I disagree with that. You wear them. Definitely don't get that. There's another answer. Why are you wearing fanny packs? Because I don't give a fuck. You should care. That's where I keep my keys.

You should care somewhat. What about your pocket? What about your front pocket for your keys? That's where the weed and the Fear Factor money goes. Still laying them down. You had to throw in Fear Factor money because I made a good point. You're like, well, guess what, bitch? I have a lot of money.

No, man. I like fanny packs because I don't like shit in my pockets. I hate stuff in my pockets. It stabs you when you have to move fast. If you want to, like, pull up a flight of stairs and then you got this fucking chapstick in your fucking pants. I watched this fucking psycho walk down an escalator. He went on the wrong fucking- He's always trying to get a little workout set.

I saw him going up and he didn't put I saw that. I watched him do it. He was down. It took him a minute. Oh, my God. He tried to walk on it. We were hanging out. Once you commit to something like that, you just turn around and go back. He's halfway up.

I watched him the whole way. I was like, no way he's going to do this. That is such a douchebag move, too. Sober. For all the people that are coming up, they're like, what the fuck, buddy? Excuse me? And you're like, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me. I got to make my flight. So for all the people that are coming up to like what the fuck You're barely getting through the room

Yeah, it was bad lounge to the nice lounge It was I was trying to go down we're going down He went down the escalator going up, and he like... I just was like, yeah. I've never seen anything like it. Nobody does that. It's like a Mr. Bean. Nobody does that. It was bad.

You know, we make mistakes. You know. Take that fucking knot out of your pocket, please. Just do me a favor. Get a backpack. Get something manly. Get something that you can live with. Manly?

What's more manly than living with pain, baby? You're going to fuck your back up, I'm telling you. All right. And once you do, it's not good. Backs are real bad. I'm going to the oxy. Doctors want to fuse them. Trust me.

I'll take the Percocet. They want to replace discs. You want to fuse them. Trust me. I'll take the Percocet. They want to replace discs. You want to avoid that if you can. If you can. You're scaring me now. Yeah, you got to listen to me. Let's go back to the funny stories. Yeah, but just listen to me, man.

You can't be fucking sitting on a giant five. It's very, we were saying, it's an amazing testament to your dedication. Yeah, we were being nice. We were. It's pretty dope. We were like, it's pretty dope. It's kind of inspiring. Let dedication Yeah we were being nice It's pretty dope It's kind of inspiring Let's go back to the escalator Stack of fucking papers like that

That's a lot of writing It's old Very old stuff Don't be humble That's all good stuff That's a pile of stage shit You're a psycho You're a full on Brian Humble. You're a full-on

joke-writing psycho. You are, dude. That's wild, man. I just don't, I love you and I don't want you to hurt your back. I appreciate it.

You just miss all of them. 90% of your shit's undiscovered. Well, it's because it's fucking gibberish. You hang out with him. He's just, Brian Humble

has nothing to do with this. Sometimes you're on the walk home. You left Norman and you're just like, oh. I see what he said. But dude, it took me like a week and a half to figure out what your six million meant. You're like, believe in yourself. I'm like, dude, you can make it.

You can get there. That's funny. I'm giving him a pep talk. I'm like, I'm telling you, eight million's real. Always back to the Holocaust. Holy, you guys won't shut up. It probably wasn't a million. When you think about it, it probably wasn't a million.

So many complaints. I was watching, I watched that fucking, I might have talked about this before. Schindler? The devil next door, that guy. That was a good movie. Oh, Ivan the Terrible. That was a good movie. I was high enough that it was very

very funny is that a documentary like he was just an ohio factory worker and somebody was like aren't you that ss card and he was like what oh my god they were like who's this fucking ivan the terrible who's this equally old person no really they shipped him he didn't go to argentina he went somewhere else how did he know the the look of a Nazi guy? No, no. He was there. Survivor was like, wait, wait. I know this guy.

Whoa. That was a tough question. Oh, my God. Here's the thing. I was watching him for the first time. Obviously, it's extremely dark, but it was funny. If you imagine that he is just a factory worker that's just like, what? And they're like, no, you're that guy.

He's like, I'm all the way down. What if he was not that? I think he might be. What if he's one of those guys that looks like Drake? Yeah. Yeah, and just like. That's it. Right?

There's a lot of people out there that look like Slap. There's a guy that looks like Tom Selleck. Right. He's real close to Tom Selleck. It's impersonator. Right? There's guys like that. And now you're 80, and you're like, that is him.

You're right. And as you're getting older, your face looks. Oh, my looks like a fucking plane to Jerusalem where they're going to hang you. I'm not him. I'm telling you. What a snitch. But that's not how he responded. And every single thing in the jury, they're like, are you him? He's like, he wasn't even.

What? He was just like, no. I don't know who you guys are talking about. It was so good. It was him. No, it was fucked up. Do you think it was you on trial for were you the fucking SS officer at Treblinka you'd be like fuck no you think by the end he'd be like yeah it was me fuck you guys I saw it dude he hung in there Jesus dude

Did he get hung? No he got hung He hung in there Yeah The scary dude. What happened at the end? Did he get hung? No, he got hung. He hung in there. Did they hang him? They did. No. He died in prison. Wait, didn't he die before?

He got a five-year sentence and he died trying to get a appeal. Oh, wait, that's what happened. He was appealing or something like that. He died while he was appealing, so according to their law, he's not guilty. Isn't that the thing? He was not found. There's not enough evidence to find him guilty of being Ivan the Terrible, but they did. We're like, we're at least a guard.

I think legally, though, if you die while on trial, you're not guilty. I don't know. Isn't that a thing? I'm not disagreeing. It's a part of innocence, right? But who cares? You're dead anyway. Yeah, you're dead.

But they try people after their deaths. Yeah, so they no longer seek a determination on his guilt or innocence. Yeah. German legal system. I guess one of those- German legal system. When they have trials, when people are dumb seek a determination on his guilt or innocence. Yeah. German legal system. I guess one of those... German legal system. When they have trials when people are don't...

You're talking about your own rules, huh? Yeah. They've had like these mock trials of people after they're dead. What are you doing? Oh, sorry.

Ray Charles. Good shroom. They've had those mock trials for people after they're dead, Just so they can say like, you're guilty. Yeah, what does that mean? Is that like a fake trial?

Fake trial. Yeah. Is that just for publicity? Yeah. Are there actors? Yeah, does someone have to go play Hitler and be like, you're guilty. Yeah, what does that mean? Is that like a fake trial? Fake trial. Yeah. Is that just for publicity? Yeah. Are there actors? Yeah, does someone have to go play Hitler and be like, I plead guilty? We got a lot of questions here, fellas. Jamie's like, slow down.

No, what I mean, they try people after they're dead. They've had, I feel like, is that a thing? They did something on TV recently. I'm trying to find. Just so the legal system can say, like, we also are on the side that he did. Right, right, right. We got a show tonight? No we don't No chance

No chance No chance No chance What are you saying? I'm getting on a flight Back to fucking New York Right now Yeah

I'm like you When we did Molly Dude I'm going home I'm going to bed I'm going home We have the rappers You're going to have The best set of your life

I'm definitely not Going on stage tonight In about four hours Let's go to dinner, let's live it up Let's do that too I gotta eat I had about 9 bars I couldn't eat a thing right now You have an appetite for real?

I gotta eat pussy Jesus The way you said it was threatening How do you do it? Show me your ways. I'm not good at it. I've gotten the tap a few times. I got pissed too. Finally have to piss. I'll be right back.

Do with this what you will. Damn it, I needed ten more minutes. I could have outlasted you. Six minutes. I can keep going. Oh, get out of here. Let's bomb beers. I don't want to be competitive. We're at three hours?

Oh alright This is the cruising zone Holy shit What a fucking podcast I don't know if it's good or bad Up, down, left, right Gay, straight But I'm having a blast

I'll be honest man It's a very intense thing To be very high on mushrooms On the biggest platform On this show In America You just listen to The dumb fucking conversation You're like what? Very intense thing to be very high on mushrooms. On the biggest platform in America? You just listen to the dumb fucking conversation. You're like, what?

Yeah, I was fighting through that crypto thing. That crypto thing. I almost took a nap. You know what I mean, Jamie? You go, what the heck? What the? Jamie, don't you sit around sometimes? Yeah, that's what I do.

Jamie, what do you want to talk about, dude? Nobody ever asked Jamie. No, that's true. You don't want to know about that. He's a quiet little guy. He's not little, dude. Jamie's a... Yes, Jamie's a psycho.

Whoa! I take it all back. Jamie's a monster. He's got more guns than Rogan. Jamie, if you got to... Let's do this. You get to bring it up, dude. What's Jamie bringing up?

Have you done an ep? In the hot seat? No, not over there.. You get to bring it up, dude. What's Jamie bringing up? Have you done an ep in the hot seat? No, not over there. They need you on the ones and twos. Yeah, I've been on a show, though. Sure. Oh, okay. I'm on all of them, but. Yeah, there's been a couple where I've been involved more.

Oh, that's fun. Without a guest. But you're so mysterious, the man behind the curtain. Well, let's keep it that way. Oh! That's pretty good. I don't have a camera on me right now, so I can't put it on me. I'm just pushing between you two. Oh, let's keep it that way. Oh! That's pretty good. I don't have a camera on me right now, so I can't put it on me.

I'm just switching between you two. Oh, we look like fucking dumbasses. Uh-oh, what happened in the bathroom with Ari? When you're on mushrooms... Yes, it's not great in there. ...and Ari is in the bathroom peeing, and his dog is this far from the door and doesn't move.

Yeah, that's too much. The dog just sits there with her nose to the door and doesn't move. The dog just sits there with her nose to the door and doesn't move. No, I'm just fingering that dog. That's the kind of love that you get from a rescue dog. That's not a dog that was raised with love as a puppy. That's a dog that's experienced neglect. It's sad again. It's dark again.

It's not dark. It's a nice thing. The dog loves them. The dog loves the shit out of them. But that kind of love, you get that love. It's a different kind of love that you get from dogs that have experienced bad times. My wife was a rescue. Wait for the door.

It's beautiful. Yeah, she's a nice lady. Hell of a bitch. I like that picture of the two of you guys in that 2002, that old school BMW that you have. Oh, that's a killer car. That thing runs like a top. They're great cars, man. They're so well engineered.

You know that car saved BMW? They were going under, and that car brought them out of it. Really? Yeah. Is it a manual? Oh, yeah. Four speed. It's a little go-kart.

It weighs like eight pounds. Yeah. It's probably pretty good to handle, too, right? It handles great. It's really fun to drive. And those cars will fucking run forever, too. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I took it to the shop just to make sure, and they're like, it's perfect. Are you going to spend some of that sweet, sweet YouTube money on a nice car? I think you need one, son. Yeah, well, that money could buy maybe a nice 60. I think you need one. I've been trying to talk you into a BMW for years. You probably got like an 89 Jetta with that money. You need a nice, like, maybe a Civic.

A BMW M3. It's a four-door. Ari Shafir. The E30's nice, too. It's a very sophisticated car. It's very calm. I used to doodle BMW insignias when I was, like, in high school. You should get one.

Those are the ovens? Really? Yeah. You should get one. Was it the ovens? Really? You should get one. Until you're drunk? Get an M4. Get the coupe since you're high society. That's the M3. Damn, that's so sporty.

Oh, that's a wrap. I just don't want to go through the trouble of buying it. Yeah, that looks like it's a bitch. I don't want to spend three days buying a car. It's a lot of research. Look how good that thing looks. Just find somebody to do it for you. Turn around and look.

I love this car. Just do the paperwork. Turn around and look at that. Shane Gill. That's an ugly color with that weird look. That's just a weird wrap. You want me driving that fucking thing? That car is amazing. You got out of that car? You seem like an SUV guy.

You see that one? That little silver one? Bring up that Chevy Cruze, Jamie. That's an E46. That's nice. I have an E46. Really? Yeah. Those are great cars.

Great car. That is a fast fucking car. Now bring up one that looks like it's been in an accident. It's so well balanced. The one that looks like it's been in an accident? Yeah, a New York version of the same car. Oh, yeah, I guess. Everyone in New York has a bumper.

They're getting ugly with these big openings. They have bumper protectors on everything. Yeah. That's so ridiculous, those things. The grill things the grill is but that's what you need Ari that's right I'll get a fucking need that or you know needed in e46 you don't need that you get a horse get yourself into the mountains you know I'll drive M3. Is it a milk bucket? He's more of a rickshaw guy. Gave yourself a nice 3 Series. Chevy Cruze. Now we're talking.

Now we're talking. It's off the house. Look at that, baby. Got some groceries in the back. Look at that. That thing's got some whip in it. Back door latches. They blurred it because it's going so fast.

That's how they took the picture. That's an ugly ass orange. That's a fucking good car, Jamie. Overhead lights are going off automatically? Chevy Cruze, baby. What's the car that brings the least amount of excitement when you see it? Probably a black 2018 Chevy Cruze. That's what I had.

That blue color. Oh, my God. Wait a minute. I'll be honest. I love that fucking car. That's a good rental. You get a rental car, you want that. I gave it to my sister.

Now she drives it and I'm jealous. I'm going to try to doll it up. I want it back. I want it up. I want it back. I want it back. I want it back. What, you got a canvas interior, stock, AM, FM? Okay, but go to a Prius. Go to a Prius.

My. Let's see what a Prius looks like. Prius is ugly. Sucks. Is that the least joyful car? They're trying to. It's a little sexy. They're trying to sex it up, but it's not going to happen.

That one up there, that gold one's pretty one's pretty sexy Tesla came in and jizzed Right in their face. Is that what a Prius looks like now? They're trying. Okay, that looks pretty good That's a lot better looking than the old ones. Look at that one getting from the top that gold one Right there the next one. Yeah that one. It's leaf from the top and this was starving on Musk, bro That's a Prius now. That's a good looking car. I disagree. Don't you feel silly driving that though? You feel silly with that?

Yeah. Why? Go get groceries? The fucking Kill Bill gets out of that car. You're driving that? You dress like a moron going to get groceries? That's a cool looking little car. You guys are out of your mind.

It's too much for normal use. It's a fucking Toyota. It's too much what for normal use? What does that mean? Sex. Too much sex for normal use. You guys talking about sex? You think it's too much what for normal use was a sex too much sex for normal use just talk about sex I think that's a good-looking little car I don't know the old ones used to look like shit Volkswagen right like whenever Greg

Fitzsimmons would show up in his Prius I'm like Gregory yeah yeah that's that I need a Mustang that's it that's the old one Larry David that was ridiculous that's like those suck that's just like we don't give a fuck what it looks like. You're sensible. We're just getting there. Just get there. Your life's not filled with joy. Your life is boring.

Listen, the sound's going off. We're at a stoplight. It went off completely. Oh, cool. Oh, yeah. I remember that. It was a big deal. Yeah.

Now everybody's engine shuts off at every stoplight. Like, what? Isn't that weird? Then it starts back up. Yeah. It's strange. Or you every stoplight. Like, what? Isn't that weird that it starts back up? Yeah. Or you just press that button. Override? Yeah.

Burn the fuel. I like a real yank. A yanker. You're driving like an ancient car. Ancient. It's 50 years old. Bavaria? No, no.

2002. 2002, yeah. And it's tiny. The person is next to you. It's weird. Yeah, but it's probably a lot of tiny. The person is next to you. It's weird. Yeah, but it's probably a lot of fun. It's a hell of a time. And that's your daily driver?

You drive around? I drive to gigs in Jersey and D.C. or upstate. Once a month, you get it out. Once a month, like a menstrual. Never fucks up on you? Not once. You got a good guy that fixes it? I got a hell of a guy.

That's important. Yeah, he's in Jersey. There she goes. Look at that, man. Look at the interior. Look at that radio. Jersey. There she goes. Look at the interior. Look at that radio. That's a stock radio. Look at the thing jiggling.

Look at the stick jiggling. Dude, that is so sweet. Who helped design the car? What do you mean design it? Or help work on the car for you? Oh, I wish I could think of his... Hitler. Is there a video of you driving this thing?

Does it go further down? Are you driving it? Look at that good-looking car, man. Look at how disgusting this city is. I mean, where exactly do you park it? It's a beautiful car. It's so gross everywhere. I park it in a garage.

They're raping me. Oh, look at that old watch. Oh, we don't think that was a good watch. You're actually listening to the radio? Yeah. Dude, you are fucked up. This is crazy shit. You listen to the radio.

That's so fun to drive. He's listening to AM radio because that's the only option on that fucking thing. That's what's in his head all day. Look at the round taillights. Can't even afford a license plate. Oh, you can see it's leaning a little bit. Boys, if we were born 20 years earlier, we'd be on AM radio. But isn't it crazy?

Old ladies drove those to work. You had to just shift it up. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Well, if you go to other countries, they still do it. In Italy, everybody still drives a manual. But also, there's no crumpled zone on that cum guzzler.

You're done. No, no, no. You're going to do an accent. You get hit. It's over. There's not a lot there. No, you're done. No airbag. Yeah, not a lot there No, you're done No airbag

Yeah, not a lot there Those old cars are interesting You ever had an airbag hit you? No It sucks I bet It's not fun What did it happen?

You get covered in powder Really? I was in a car that flipped in high school And we landed in a ditch And the airbag popped You hit your head pretty bad? Yeah, we were upside down What?

I undid the buckle I fell I. I dropped. I hit the ceiling. What were you like before that? Is that when you thought you were funny? I was a preacher. Something happened. Ow! Ow! Something happened, dude. Oh yeah, we were tubing. This is Louisiana shit.

How am I made with your brain? Oh yeah. I didn't know how to write a joke before. Bro, how many comics became comics after head injuries? Two that I know. Roseanne and Kinison. Yeah, those are big ones. Maybe you too, hon. Maybe.

Maybe. Maybe you too. Good band. Maybe Shane. How many times did he play football? How many times did he play football? I came out dumb as hell. That's a tour.

That's a CTE tour. That's a CTE tour. I can't even read, dude. Oh, yeah, you went to a good college. I used to be smart. Well, you know your history. You know the Crusades, like the back of your anal. Don't get me going on the Crusades. I love the Crusades.

I watched a YouTube video on it. It's fucking fascinating. Crusades is funny. Your bit about the dudes who like history is fucking hilarious. Yeah, you're just going to be guaranteed. You're going to be a Republican. Yeah. It's right.

If you go over a guy's house, he's got a book on Thomas Jefferson on his front shelf. That's so true. Like, oh, this guy's voting red. I love your werewolf bit, too. I don't even do it anymore. I've been quoting that all over town. Yeah, I've got to do it. That's a great bit about how becoming

a Republican is like turning into a werewolf. There's so many black people in these commercials. I'd still do that one. Yeah, that's a great bit. It's funny. I went home for Thanksgiving. I got to watch my dad watch TV. It's been so long since I saw an old man watching

TV. Yeah. It's great. What was that like? He's just got to watch. Old guys have to watch commercials all day. He's like, oh. That's who the commercials are for. They're just drilling old guys. They're stuck on a couch. They're like, what the fuck is this?

Oh, my God. They're buying coins. Just an insurance court. It's all like a car dealership. Two guys making out, and they're like, buy fucking insurance. How wild is that? A lot of coins, a lot of plates, commemorative plates are still going. It's crazy watching commercials now.

Yeah, I get to see the Fox News commercials are the best. Fucking Mike Lindell. I'm Mike Lindell. Are you the victim of a conspiracy? Behind him is a picture of Jesus in a lion. And then he's selling pillows. Selling pillows. Oh, fuck.

He lost his marriage over that pillow. He made it in the basement and the wife was like, come up. He's like, fuck you, cunt. Wow, is that a quote? Yeah, yeah, it's on the pillow. Wow, what a dude. A lion! Certificate of excellence. Jesus and the lion.

And then an eagle and a folded flag all together in that picture. He's got the Last Supper in the back. He's got the cross pin. And I think that might be green screen, too. No. It might be, dude. That's his office. Can we...

Is it real, Jamie? It looks like it doesn't look... Jamie says it's not green screen. Imagine a black guy walking in that room. He'd be like, I gotta get out of here. I mean... It's not green screen. It's weird lighting. It's a weird camera. Imagine a black guy walking in that room and you'd be like, I gotta get out of here. It's not green screen, it's weird lighting. Imagine walking in there, you'd be like,

what the fuck's wrong with you, dude? Jesus with a lion. You would know exactly what you can and can't say to that guy. Oh, yeah. Tell him you're transitioning. He'll shoot you with a shotgun. He really would. Yeah. Short circuit. Margaret, unlock the vault.

Yeah, I cut my dick off. He would start turning the thing on the wall. Get a combination on the wall. He'd move a picture out of the way. He'd open a fucking vault on the wall. There's your next ghillie. That's so funny, dude. That's what it looks like.

You could just walk in there and be like, yeah, I'm ready to suck some dick. You'd be so dead. You'd push a button, the door would slam with a metal gate, and then you'd be done. Homophobia. It's funny. It's weird how prevalent it is with certain right-wing people. It's weird how prevalent it is. I've had many conversations with people that just don't think that gay people should be allowed to get married.

I'm like, are you anti-freedom? What the fuck are you talking about? They just think they have a stronger hold on their world. You want to define that it's only between a man and a woman. That's what it means. It's a made-up thing. Jamie brought it up after Matt Walsh had left. He and I had a conversation where, Jamie, you brought up, wasn't Nero married to a man?

All the Greeks. Or Romans. Yeah, yeah. It goes back to ancient Greece. Same thing. Yeah, I think it said he had two husbands or boyfriends or something like that. Nero? Yeah, why not?

More pleasure. Well, there's a big difference between husbands and boyfriends. Boyfriends go fuck themselves. The husbands get a piece of the booty. I mean, by that, I mean loot. Pirate's booty. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not like booty, booty.

That was an accident. I don't know if that's where booty comes from. Yeah, maybe. Like the booty hole. No. Maybe. Hey, well, I got seizure. Shame.

Julius seizure. Shame. Get this, ladies and gentlemen. This is too much. The perfect amount. Nero. Here it is. Riotous orgy.

Roman homosexuality was not expressed with romantic love, but with riotous orgies. It's often linked to notorious Emperor Nero, a hedonistic ruler who married both women and men. A man who is believed to have enjoyed penetrating as much as he enjoyed being penetrated by his well-endowed husband. Romo. He just went after it. Nero just went after it. Good for him living up but that was life that was also that was that at that time of the

world that was way more common I think why do you think that is I could be wrong but with Nero I think that a lot of that could be like historians have looked back at him and like maybe that was political like smearing all the rumors we have about him. That he was nuts and he did all this. It's just... Oh, really? Layer of population. Yeah, they used a fucking gay guy,

fucked a bunch. Interesting. It's just the enemy's propaganda survived. But there are paintings of some real gay shit. This is... Stop saying like... Post-war. From back in the day.

I mean, for lack of a better technical term. Yes, yes. Paintings of some gay shit. I sound like a black guy. But yeah. Yeah, no, it's always existed. It's existed, like, someone sent me something that exists

in, like, more than a hundred different animals, isn't it? But we're the only... I just saw a video of some kid talking about it. He said 1,500 in that video. 1,500 different animals are homosexual. And none are homophobic except us. I knew your dog was gay, dude.

You got a gay ass dog. That dog's a girl, bro. They can be gay. He's a butt bandit. Maybe. I don't care. I'll embrace him. Aw, you're a sweetie. Yeah, there you go. I was telling them to you. I can't come to the house anymore. I didn't care. I'll embrace him. Oh, you're a sweetie. Yeah, there you go. I was telling them to you. You can't come to the house anymore.

They've embraced my gay dog. Dogs like their own butthole. They like their own balls. Your dog waits outside the door to the bathroom. Only like a rescue dog ever would. She was born into captivity. She wasn't even like... Her mom was rescued when she was pregnant.

Ah, skips a generation. Her mom was rescued when she was pregnant. Ah. Skips a generation. Her mom was rescued when she was pregnant. Yeah, so she never had any trauma. So it's not a rescue. No, so it's not? It's not a rescue? It's from a rescue, but it was born into a rescue. Well, when did you get her?

How old was she when you got her? A month. A month. Yeah, maybe two. So she was in this rescue shelter for a month? Yeah. That alone? Maybe. Yeah, That alone? Maybe.

Yeah. No, for sure. No, they were great. They loved her. I'm sure they're great. I'm sure they're great. Yeah, we got the whole litter. They were all having such a blast, man, in some lady's apartment.

It was a big apartment. They're probably too young to know that. Oh, it's an apartment. Yeah. There was a good time there at that shelter. They were having a blast. I have not been there in the same life. That's good.

Well, the dog just loves you then. Yeah. The dog just sits outside. I had it in my head. I had a been in the same life. Well, the dog just loves you then. The dog just sits outside. I had it in my head. I had a narrative all made up. It was a rescue dog. You probably got it when it was three months old. It's the best, dude. You come out. I've been in here for two hours.

And she's like, what? Yes! How old is she? Three. Just over three. And you've had her since she was... Three years old. So, Three, just over three. And you've had her since she was? Three years old. So late August to late November. So was she like six weeks old or something?

Right after? Yeah. Right when you could take the puppy? Was it like right when you could take the puppy? That's the best. Yeah. Good for you. You're happy.

You got a special. You're ugly. I mean, you're doing great. I'm just saying, you know, I had to throw something in there. But I'm glad to see you happy I'm all shroomed up that dog is feeling the love

that dog loves you man there is a lot of love yeah I'll be honest guys I fucking love you guys Jamie I can do without you deleted Jamie

Jamie accidentally deleted everything. Jamie, do you remember when Michigan played Ohio State? All right. That's a little blow. Bring that up. You bring up. Don't bring up that one.

I find it hilarious. Ohio State, you fucking jerk. I find it hilarious when dudes get very hurt about a team where they don't even live in that place anymore. I fucking love it, dude. It gives you hope. I think it's fun. It's something to root for. Is that hurt, Dan? Is that the one you brought up? Ohio State. It's better than all that. I gives you hope. I think it's fun. Something to root for.

Is that hurt? Is that the one you brought up? Is that hurt? I was at that. Oh, really? What'd you say? Did you waste your time? The cut guys.

I had a great time. Ohio State is class, dude. Bunch of class acts in fucking Columbus, Ohio. That's a good city. All roads lead to Columbus. Really? Yeah, family ties. Columbus, Ohio. Oh. Now you're to Columbus. Really? Yeah, family ties. Columbus, Ohio.

Oh, you're showing your age there. What do they have there? It's not a punchline. The best funny bone is in Columbus. That's a great funny bone. It's the flagship. That's a great funny bone.

God hates flags. Have you ever seen the all roads lead to Rome? Keep it in. Keep it in. What? Like, All Roads Lead to Rome. I don't know how exaggerated this is. Oh, my God.

What? Is this real? I've seen this going around. It could be exaggerated. Every road? Darkened some lines and whatnot, you know? Looks like my ex-wife's legs. Boink.

I can't bring it up. I'm too fucked up. Give me some more bodega. Bump the upright. If that's really how the Romans traveled. Is that really how they traveled? I think that's sort of like how they traveled. And then those now have turned into modern day roads and highways.

Jesus Christ. That's awesome. It looks like arteries. Do you think that pattern just exists? Yeah. With everything. It exists with blood. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Whoa, kooky. Yeah, I feel like this picture is exaggerated. That's just how you draw it. You can do all roads lead to fucking the Czech Republic if you wanted. I think they exaggerated this a lot because they darkened the middle lines and made it look like veins of a leaf. The same with Boston. It all comes back to Boston. It's all these outside stuff, Worcester and reaching.

What? Jack Reacher. What? No, he pulled it on you. Reacher Lawson. Reacher Lawson. I asked the guy, why are the Boston comics so it's like Patrice and Louis and Stano, but all these guys, Dane Cook and Gary Goldman just keep going rogue.

It's just so many Boston guys. And he said, well, it's because of the outside towns. Like, we act like it's Boston, but it's all the outside. But I'm like, still, that's insane. All of Massachusetts? It's a lot. Well, that's enough people to provide. It's still pretty good for one. The reason why it got so good is because there was a core

guys of really funny guys in the early 80s. And everybody just kind of, like, imitated them. And that was like barry crimmins and donnie clark and don gavin and those fucking animals sweeney yeah uh mike donovan those those guys back in that chinese restaurant the ding ho they like established comedy there so koi saw the ding ho it was apparently it was the shit and the guy lost it in like a gambling match really with the way all the money.

They had to close the place down. But the place was the shit. I miss that era. But that era produced these comics that were so fucking funny. And you'd go to see guys like Don Gavin live. You'd be like, holy shit, I just quit comedy. That guy was so fucking funny. Dude, you would see him murder in the 80s and the 90s.

You'd be like, I should just quit. Like, why am I doing this? Why isn't he famous? I guess he never left. Is he the one in Louie's movie? He never left. In Joe's movie? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. I met him. He's nice. He's a great guy. Louie's bag. He just never left. There's a lot of those guys who just never left. Never left.

And it was pre-YouTube. It was pre-YouTube. They couldn't get specials. And in town, they were the funniest people you'd ever seen in your life they were so good and they made a great living in Boston

and they they shattered the whole nebbishy thing these like Woody Allen kind of a Jewy like oh we're all awkward and uncomfortable

and they're like no no we're doing blow and fucking hookers these guys were all six foot two punching each other doing coke fighting with the cops.

They were wild people, man. They were wild people. That's why I got into comedy. It was a different sort of thing in Boston. And it was because of those guys. These people that started out in the beginning. And then, oddly enough, Stephen Wright. Oh, yeah?

He's great. He was the outsider there. Stephen Wright popped on The Tonight Show and everybody was like, what is going on in Boston? And then all these other guys were like, when is my turn coming up?

There's a great documentary about it, When Stand-Up Stood Out. That's right. Yeah, because he was so the opposite of those guys. What? You ever saw it?

When Stand-Up Stood Out? Yeah. You should watch it. That's a fun one. It's amazing. It's, Fran Salamita did it. He was a comic from Boston

and he made this documentary. Must watch. It's just all about that era where everybody was scrambling to get on television. Gold Rush. Yeah. Yeah, there was a lot of great comedy. That's when they do the whole, how do you want to get paid, white or green? Wow.

They said it to me. Really? They said it to me, yeah. Wow. You want to get paid in Coke or cash? I'm like, just give me the money. Coke every time. I just want money, man.

Yeah, it's just, I can buy Coke. Yeah, but they sold it. coke every time I just want money man yeah it's just I can buy coke yeah but they sold it coke every time is that what you said yeah they sold it so it's like let me fucking do two weeks

instead of three times I need some green actually turns out I need green yeah yeah I can buy groceries who here has done coke and then gone on stage nope

Jamie no Jamie no not before on stage? Nope. Jamie? No, Jamie. No, not before on stage. Never. Joey said it was the worst. It was the worst. Really?

Adderall's the worst. Because it wears off. I think it's similar. I think it's similar. Similar. But coke will wear off in 15 minutes. Then you're on stage on a comedown. I don't think that's what Joey was saying. Joey was saying that there's no love, Joe Rogan.

Yeah. There's no connection with those people. You're just the coked up maniac. You're not making any connections with those people. Yeah, but what about Robin Williams? It was all coked up. It was all coked up. And Pryor, apparently.

Good point. Yeah, but... They were... Good point. We gotta ask him. I don't think Pryor was getting coked up before he was performing. Like, when he did Live and his time on this trip. He was ready.

He was on coke. He had a party waiting for him when he got off he ready rob williams though was on stage on it for sure oh yeah i mean you think tennyson was later maybe maybe later that's why i got back yeah is that we just saw him yeah he was yacked up i think something to have that confidence he seemed calm i think that was just him Murdering at the comedy store Every fucking night He seemed calm The guy told him beforehand He's like dude We're gonna let you go

That's huge Just be yourself here That's huge Yeah before Shed's Wild He took all those great bits And took the cuss words out And they were still great Yeah

True They were great bits man I didn't even realize How many bits he had done On that show There was a lot of fucks In that bit. Oh, yeah.

That he took out. He took out and still murdered. Look at my face. Ow! Ow! Yeah. Ow! But then Letterman years later wouldn't let Hicks do his joke.

And so he's like, what happened, man? What happened? He flipped. He cut his whole set, right? Yeah, the Billy Ray Cyrus chunk. Wait, why? They cut his whole set because he had an abortion bit. Abortion.

Yeah. And so he was in his hotel. It is amoral. Enjoying a cigar in the bathtub. Yeah. I paid for two. Who was? Bill Hicks, when he found out about it.

So he did his set, did what he wanted to do. The material went great. Killed. Goes back. Makes a bath. Lines in there. Killed. Goes back. Makes a bath. Lines in there. The old Whitney Houston. Lighting a cigar.

Enjoying themselves. Like, fucking, we did it. Giving themselves a little bit of pleasure. And then he finds out. They're cutting it. This is the rumor. Wow. I mean, this is the folklore that that is how it went down.

Well, let's go with that because it's a great way. They might actually be. And they were like, no, your thing. They're still fighting you. I think I read it in an article. Mm-hmm. Wow. You know. that because it's a great way they might have and they were like no your thing they're still fighting in an article wow you know why would they cut it because it because of abortion because the country at the time was like hell yeah that guy that guy always had something to say whether you thought it was the funniest thing you've ever heard before or not that's not but he fucking always had something to say yeah yeah his bitch always had something to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

His bits always had something to say. To the point where you would walk away and you're like, what am I doing? Like, how come I don't have anything to say? People would like question how they were doing comedy after they'd see him do comedy. A lot of bad copycats. To the point where the punchline in Atlanta, they had a thing in the green room that said, quit being Hicks. Quit trying to be Hicks.

Yeah, exactly. You're not him. A lot of copies. That quit being Hicks. Quit trying to be Hicks. Exactly. That's right. So many guys wanted to be profound. They saw this guy. But it's like get the fucking jokes in. Get the fucking jokes in. You gotta be funny too. You can't just be the preacher. Awesome.

I like preacher. But I'm just saying people got too important. Too important. They went the other way. Yeah. I tried doing this with this special. I was like, you've got to follow Norman at the sell of this thing.

You've got to be able to follow. These have to be normal jokes that follow everybody. Hey, hey. Well, that's why it works so well. But I think back then, there wasn't enough information about where the art form was going. And so people were just trying stuff, and it hadn't been done before. You've got to feel like Kinison branches out,

never been done before. You have this new guy, and then he comes along with Kinison. He's in that Outlaws of Comedy. So Kinison and Hicks hung out together. That's why they have similar facial features. You see in that bit. It's very similar to the way

when I first saw Kinison and then I saw Hicks, I saw Hicks at the Comedy Connection. I was like, wow, a lot of the sounds he makes are like the same kind of sounds. They just hung out a lot. Yeah, they hung out a lot. Oh, yeah. So they, you know, whoever knows, I don't know who was the originator of it,

but Hicks was very original. Oh, yeah. And the way he was writing, man. Like that Young Man on Acid bit. What's that one? You don't know that bit? Uh-uh. Oh, my God.

Google Bill Hicks, young man on acid. It's a fucking genius bit. His closer on the band. What'd you find? I found the article about him getting banned and being irate. Oh, there you go. It says like, here's the title, Comic Irate. Yeah.

Look at these ads. Does it say that he found out while he was in the tub? What a downer these ads are up top. Yeah. Just ugly women. The screen's a downer. He's in his hotel room, yeah. I'm pretty sure he was in the bathtub with a cigar.

It said Dave gave him a half a van of cigar during the break. Yeah, that was it. He decided to smoke that cigar in his hotel room. Robert Morton called him up and said that Hicks' six-minute set touched too many hot spots and in order to act, Hicks said Morton told him. According to Hicks, Morton said he fought tooth and nail to save it. Late show representatives, meanwhile, are saying for the record that the decision was a joint one between the network and the show's producers.

It was just that it didn't fit into the show's set of standards, said the late show spokeswoman Rosemary Keenan. Bill Hicks said the show's producers had reviewed and okayed his set a week before when he was bumped for time constraints from an earlier program. He blames the network for what he considers a blatant act of censorship. And he says, Hicks said, it's absolutely stunning to me the contempt in which the network holds the audience.

Hicks said, the idea that these people have standards is laughable. Nice, dude. Preach with her. He said, I performed this stuff for my mom on her porch in Little Rock, Arkansas. He said, I even wore a delightful new outfit with fall colors. I didn't wear

black. He's mocking them. He's like, fuck you. I get it. I'm done. Diet of cancer. Eat shit. Well, that was also one of his last sets, right? Yeah, that was a big moment for him. Oh, really? Yeah, it was one of his last sets. Oh, damn. He smoked like a chimney.

Yeah, I knew that. Pancreatic. You ever see the documentary on him where he's a kid. I think he's 14 maybe. Doing stand-up. And he's funny. Really? He's doing impressions of his teachers and it's killing. I think when you're a guy like that and you're traveling around the world,

you're constantly creating and you're constantly trying to figure out a way to entertain yourself and entertain people at the same time. And you're constantly trying to like fucking figure out a way to entertain yourself and entertain people at the same time, and you're really smart, and you're working with a lot of people that are doing like really dumb shit, that's what you get. Yeah. You get a guy that's just like, I'm happy to fill your lives with entertainment you couldn't possibly think up yourself. He's just too on another level.

And he would say that and just strut on stage like that. Yeah, and he did hell gigs. Oh, my God. I watched him bomb at the Knicks comedy stop. Really? Oh, my God, bomb. Me and Greg Fitzsimmons watched him bomb. Cleared the room.

There was a guy named Larry Norton, comic on a Harley. And Larry Norton, I guarantee that guy is murdered. That's a good tour. That's a good tour, comic on a Harley definitely good guy too very nice guy but you know he's doing like the cartoon characters he had like games about cartoon characters smoking pot and shit he's murdering so and then Hicks goes on afterwards and I mean clears the room clears the room there was like 50 people left and we were dying. 50 people left and we were dying. And he never once cracked. Like it never looked like it bothered him in the slightest.

But was it funny? Yeah, it was funny, man. It was funny. We were laughing. We were laughing. Fitz Simmons and I were laughing. It was ridiculous. He was funny, man.

And he didn't lose his timing. He didn't lose his composure. Like, I've had bombings before. He's playing to his audience, which is you guys in the back. Yeah, there was definitely that. And there's 50 people still in the audience. I really did enjoy it for just young people that were kind of wild. But it was something happened between the shift from Larry Norton,

Comic-Con of Harley, to Bill Hicks. Yeah, that's right. The audience was just not ready. It's a long name. Nobody knew who Hicks was. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. Yeah, yeah.

They're just like, whoa. Back then, Nick's Comedy Stop was the star. Who the fuck booked that? Nick's Comedy Stop. Bro, that was a gentle one. Nick's would set people up. They would have like Billy Crystal headline for the weekend, and they'd put Steve Sweeney, Don Gaffin, Lenny Clark,

all these murders on in front of them, and they would just destroy. These guys were like the best headliners you ever saw in your life, and they only have to do like 20 minutes, so they're coming out guns blazing. Larry Norton, comedian of Harley. Comic of Harley, that's him, man. Do you think Comic of Harley ever had to follow picks and go, oh, I hate following this guy.

He's a nice guy. He's too serious. Don't put his material up there. He doesn't picks and go, oh, I hate following this guy. He's a nice guy. He's too serious. Don't put his material up there. There's no need for that. But anyway, so this was the guy. So he goes up. That's a later watch. Nice guy, by the way.

He goes up. He goes up and kills. And we had, it was like such a lesson in the composure of a guy bombing. Because, like, it never affected him. Like, it was wild because you know I've never bombed and not felt terrible like wow what's happening you feel like your timing is off

you know he just stayed in it he was smiling he was doing this bit where it's like John Davidson gets fucked up the ass and like John Davidson was the up the ass. I already love it. John Davidson was the host of one of those shows. That's incredible, one of those shows.

Was it that one? Hollywood Squares. Hollywood Squares. So he gets fucked up the ass by the devil, and the devil implants his scaly semen inside his body, and then this guy has to shit it out on the toilet. And so as he's shitting it out on the toilet, Hicks is sitting there grunting and shitting, like,

and he looks around and he goes, yeah, this usually clears the room. People are just getting up in droves. It was pretty wild. I'm sure you played the cunt video where he yelled it back. That's amazing. I just love the idea of an audience member going to his wife

like, we should go, right? Yeah, it's not going to cool back down. Let's get the fuck out of here. I could be like, yo, this sucks. How long is he going? It was long, too. He used to be squatting for like two minutes. the fuck out of here. How long is he going? No one knew what to do. It was long, too. He used to be squatting

for like two minutes. Damn. That's bold. He's killing the commitment. Fitzsimmons and I were crying. We were crying. We were 21.

We just started doing comedy. We were in the back of the room. Did he have friends there? Was he... I don't know, man. I was like... I was an open mic. We're 21. We just started doing comedy. We're in the back of the room. Did he have friends there? I don't know, man. I was an open mic. He just loved what he was doing. I didn't know anybody. I didn't know who was connected to anybody. Is this it?

This is the cunt video. He yells at some woman in the audience and she's a cunt. I typed in John Davidson. This is what popped up. Who's John Davidson? Oh, this is the bit? Oh, yeah. This is the bit. Who's John Davidson? Oh, this is the bit? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, this is the bit. He's mullet. It's like Theo Vaughn in the front. He's like, what is this? That's where he's shitting out. Oh, my God. He just hated them. Well, you know, it was like fake contempt because he loved performing, you know?

Right. He can't be that good. He was an artist. He hated a version of them. He was like, they're probably in here. Well, he wanted to elevate their standards. And one of the ways you elevate someone's standards, if you're that guy.

Mock it. You mock. Yeah. You mock what you're doing. You mock, like, get your fucking shit together, wear better clothes, listen to better music, shut the fuck up and get off TikTok. You know, in a lot of ways, to better music. Shut the fuck up and get off TikTok. That's like,

that's, you know, in a lot of ways, Joey Diaz mirrors those, those, those thoughts. Dude, one time me and Joey

were at the La Jolla Comedy Store with Kelly Kirsten and I was too dirty and they were like, you could tell people were like annoyed. And so then after me, Kelly was on stage

and some old couple was out, out in the side. Hold on, I got some more to kill. He's got more bodega to cut. And they come out, they're like,

hey, this is just dirtier and dirtier. And Joey stands up and yells at them. He's like, get the fuck out. He hadn't even been on yet. He was like, we don't want you here, beat it. Wow. Oh, it was great.

I was some young comic. I was like, you can do that to people. Just get them out. Well, it's real easy to go, hey, they're walking away. I should change. I should not be that guy.

The fucked up thing about comedy when you come into comedy and you don't know who's going to be there. If you go into the comedy store on a Tuesday night and you don't know any of the people's names, you're just going to go and hope you see comedy. The styles go up and down and different.

Right. It's like, see, if you come in and it's like, yeah. You get to post a guy and go, oh, I like this. How about last night? So am I, dude. I like this. And then you see some... How about last night? I fucked up. So am I, dude. I just came out of it.

We all are. Rubbing my arm, I look up, you're like, well, the styles go up and down and they're different. I can't do it, dude. Shut up. You know what it's like? It's like music. Like if you have just live music. No one would ever have live music where you have rap music next to country.

That's nuts. Right? No, you're right. If you have a rap guy, a reggae guy, a country... You would never have all that on one show without telling people what's going on. No, but you got Leslie Jones next to the Jezzel Neck. It's like, what the fuck is this?

Right, and then Warland. Holtzman. Holtzman Jezzel Neck. I was like, what the fuck is this? Right, and then Holtzman. Holtzman. I love that guy. He's a fucking beast. How's he doing? He's great. How does he pay the rent? Was he just at Skankfest? Oh, good. Yeah. He was. Yeah, I saw a photo. He should be a national. There's no chance I'm doing

stand-up. What do you mean? You're gonna do it. Well, it's only 5.30. A show in three hours? That's not true. It's not 5.30. You'll be fine. Can we at least prep the crowd and let them know we've taken a lot of drugs? We'll be down by then. Three more hours and we'll be totally fine.

100% sober. The booze may be. The booze may be a problem. We need booze. To stay even. Now is when we should switch to coffee. What time is it? 5.28. Ride the lightning pussies. To stay even. Now we need it. Now is when we should switch to coffee. What time is it? 528. Ride the lightning pussies. Let's go. Let's go. Joe, can you still ride the lightning pussy shirts?

Yes. Ride the lightning pussy is going to be my new special. That's the name. I don't know. I just figured out the name. I was going to call it Sacred Clown because that's the name of the tour, but now it's Ride the Lightning Pussies. I love it. Get a big unicorn. I don't know if I can be on Mushrooms. In that green room? You can. You'll be down by then. the lightning pussy. I love it. Get a big unicorn. I don't know if I can be on mushrooms. Son.

In that green room. You can. You'll be down by then. Three hours. You'll be down by then. True. Bro, how about the green room we're setting up? That's incredible.

That's a new place. That bar. Isn't it amazing? Shout out New Rogan Club. It's fucking great. It's a beauty. Holy fuck. It's a peach.

People can't wait. I'll tell you. When I walk around in it, man, I don't even believe it's real. The comedian's bar is... That's real. The comedian's bars. That's insane. That'll get shitty. Never been treated so well. It's going to be a fun place.

You said that. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. It wasn't me. One at every party. I'm going to fight you in there. Yeah. For sure.

What? Isn't that nice? They're building the building. You can see the building where we're all going to fight each other. Yeah. Yeah. To the death. She was. Yeah. To the death. She was with me.

To the death. There's a lot of that in there. I saw her. She came. I saw her first. Yeah, how do we do that with guys? How do we prevent all that stupid shit from happening? That's just going to happen.

You're going to be like a take it outside policy. Yeah. Deal with this not in here. You know what you got to do? You got to learn to be fucking civil with each other. You got to fight on the tunnel. Fight in the tunnel. Go fight in the tunnel fight on the tunnel. Fight in the tunnel. Go fight in the tunnel.

Oh, man. Come down the tunnel. There's a slobber knocker going on. We should have boxing gloves down there. Let it out. Get it all out. That's not fair, because then big guys would fuck small guys in front of friends. Ah, good point.

It's like Vikings. Steal their girls. There should be a take it outside policy. Come on, Todd Barry. Put the fucking gloves on. What? Put the gloves on. Todd Barry comes off and goes, Boom Put the fucking gloves on. Like, what? Put the gloves on. Todd Barry comes off and goes, boom.

It's in the fucking alley. How horrible that is. That's a terrible idea. Get the fucking gloves out of here. That can never be an option. We'll just go tasers. Yeah, you can. Yeah, tase each other.

Get it out. It's amazing how few people have tasers. You imagine. That should be something you have on you all the time. If some guy starts fucking you, you can just shut him off with a button. Why don't you have that? My dad, my buddy's dad was a cop and he had

brought his taser out one night and we had a blast. Fucking Louisiana trash. What a redneck you are. And a front lawn. Just... Pope one of the most Louisiana things ever said? You guys ever did that?

No. We were studying. Did you guys ever do that? We were studying. Fucking stun each other. We're like, do the lowest setting, and you put your ankle out. Bro, he was studying. He was playing football.

Damn. We had cow farms, and you would go touch the fucking wires. There was a farm No fucking way. Yeah. See, you see? That's where his eyes

got close together. No. You're drinking. You had injuries along with touching the wire. Were you trying to heal yourself? And then you hold hands

with your friend to see how much you can all get shocked. Right. You connect. It's a connection. Who's the first guy? No, you do. It's a connection. Yeah, yeah. Who's the first guy? No, you didn't.

It's so fun. Did you really? Yeah. So you all held hands until one of them touched the wire? Yeah. Until one of them was like, oh my God. Did anybody ever seizure? I've got a video of that.

Did anybody ever seizure? No. Nothing? None of us had a seizure. But it was a real shock. Interesting. No one died. No one had a seizure.

Julius seizure? There you go. Thank you. I'm Good to have you back Thank you for that knowledge I would imagine That could fuck some people up It's like everything else Like some people

Like a certain amount of Tylenol Will kill you Other people They could just take more I'd take it every week And Seroquel Apparently It's not good

Apparently not But we used to do We used to steal shrooms from cow farms. Yep. And then we'd get shot at. Like, they'd be like, get out of here, boy. We'd shoot guns in the air. You don't want this.

It'll be gone in a day. Well, where Duncan used to live in Asheville, they actually started feeding the cows some antifungal food. No. Aw. So it'd fuck with the cows. For what? It'd fuck with the cow's microbiome so that the cow, I don't even know if it worked,

but the cows produced shit that fungus couldn't grow in. Boo! Bummer. You're adding money to your fucking overhead just to give people less joy? Which you should have. Boo, those guys. Boo. If you were like fucking White Oaks Pastures where everything is like regenerative farming,

you'd have a mushroom harvester. Yep. If you lived in a sane world, you could sell those mushrooms to your neighbors. Dude, in Chiang Mai, everybody started, the hippies started going to the elephant pastures. Chiang Mai. Yeah, in Thailand. Yeah. They all started going.

I went to that place. And then they were like, why are all these hippies coming on our fucking elephant pastures late night? And they figured it out, and they're like, hey, you guys are good. We're selling this. Oh, hey. We're selling this. We're selling this. Yeah.

Dude, I rode on those elephants. Great. I rode an elephant all the way to Chiang Mai down to the river. What a powerful experience. What were you doing up there? I was just fucking dreading.

I didn't want to do it. My family wanted to do it. One of my kids fell off a fucking elephant. No! She got fucked. Yeah. Why would you ride a fucking elephant? Chiang Mai riding a fucking elephant. My wife's a crazy bitch. No! She got booked. No! Why would you have a fucking elephant?

Chiang Mai riding a fucking elephant. My wife's a crazy bitch. Shout out Chiang Mai. City on the rise. My wife's amazing, but she's a wild lady. Ronnie Chiang Mai. She thought it'd be a good idea. It was so fun, though.

I didn't want to ride the elephants, because my perception is that they don't want to be ridden. They don't want to be ridden. That's a good perception. Is that right? But they're so big, they don't give a shit. But they don't give a shit, because they're so big, they don't give a shit. But they don't give a shit because they're so big,

it's literally like a kitten on your shoulders. Right. You don't feel like anything to them. But I don't think they like it. Yeah. I love it. The worst part is when they play harmonica

and you're like, that's not natural. Harmonica? Yeah, you never saw them take a harmonica and start playing it? Really? Harmonica Lewinsky.

No, I was never one of those. No, I never saw that. Yeah, yeah, they play harmonica or they'll draw a painting with their tusk. I've seen that. With their nose. That's beautiful. Their snout.

It's crazy that they can do that. They can draw an elephant. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Pull it up, J-Mo. Justin Silver trained him. Elvin's painting.

Elvin's painting. Beautiful. So funny that Norman's like, no, that's beautiful. Bro, I went over this guy's house once. Listen to this. I went over this guy's house once. Listen to this. I went over to this guy's house once. He was like a big time Hollywood agent.

He had this house in Aspen. Beautiful house. Harvey. Walked in his house and he had this thing on the wall. And I said, is this from his kid? Did his kid make this? And they go, no, that's a... You know, whatever the fuck it is some famous artist

They just said some name I don't remember the name and then What is that worth? I go what is that worth? They're like that's a hundred fifty thousand dollar piece I know that's worth a hundred fifty thousand dollars. I go I thought of his kid without malice. You're like that's nice Yeah, I mean the number 150. I go, I thought his kid made it. Without malice, you were like, that's nice. I mean, the number 150, I'm just making it up. I don't really remember what the number was. But it was something crazy like that, where I was like, what are you talking about? I thought his kid made that.

The fucking nonsense you people buy. You got a pile of shit on your wall. This is what happens to these people that have too much money. They spend it on, yeah. They just find yachts and fucking houses and things and art. They just buy yachts and fucking houses and things and art. They just buy nonsense. You see that Balenciaga art?

No. Pull it up. Yeah, we started talking about that earlier. It's not Balenciaga. It's someone who is an artist. What? Someone who is a designer. Well, hold on.

Did you look at the artwork? Put on your fucking thing. I got it. Why do you have to say it? I can't be seen seriously right now. What does that mean? Wait, what happened? That means this. I can't be on camera going, did you see that?

You're doing it. Stay strong. Hey, hold it together. I need you to stay strong. I need you to stay strong. What happened with Balenciaga? Well, Balenciaga had some fucked up ad like photo shoot, but in the background

they had the books of this one artist. And they all love this artist. And the art the artwork's like fucking children. It's bad. Pull it up. I don't know this. It's really like the darkest, weirdest art possible. And they apologized because they said that someone made that and they didn't know what was in the background.

That wasn't the main, but like this shit. That is awesome. That one gets shitty. Castrated toddlers? What the fuck? Wait, are they bleeping out a painting? What is this? This is castrated toddlers? And Kanye's the bad guy.

What Scrap Balenciaga campaign featured book by painter whose work included castrated toddlers? It's paintings. What the fuck? It's just paintings. Who's this lady? Yeah, but if you look at them all, you get a lot of them. It's paintings of castrated babies.

What are you going to do for the next 60 hours of your life, Ari? I'm going to make castrated babies. What the hell? He's a weirdo. Who the fuck are you? Why is that in your ad campaign? Anyone else hard? He's got some little Goya-esque.

I like Goya. This guy's got some freaky... We're Goyas. That's right, you're all Goyas. Maybe it's like... Maybe there was a message he was trying to convey with it. Yeah. It's pretty badass.

Talk about the dues. Yeah, the message is right. Dude, don't even show me this. Don't even show me this. That painting is... This is so fucked, doesn't it? Like, what kind of message is that? What is he trying to say?

It's like, is there a way that you can interpret that charitably? We could say, like, he's trying to say something about circumcision. Probably. There's probably something there, right? We're all served, right? Yeah, that's a fucked up thing. A lot of people lose their dicks. Huh? Yeah. What?

When babies get circumcised, a lot of them, they get infections, they wind up losing their penises. There's a certain amount of them every year. I will say. There's a certain amount every year. Lose their dicks to fucking circumcisions? Do it the right way. Let's find out what the number is.

You guys are doing a rabbi. That's a problem. You don't suck off that dick. Do you know people who died that way? People who died that way. Which way dick do you know people what what people died that way which way babies babies from herpes survive they have a long life charitable terrible life no no babies babies have died rabbi from that right isn't that true yeah yeah herpy jamie can you google uh jesus no no no do you google the first one what was the first thing this

street was great. Jews crossing the street is one of the greatest. Jamie. Jamie. Jews crossing the street. We've all decided. Hold on. We've all decided. Jews crossing the street.

What, Jamie? Jews crossing the street. Hold on. Shut the fuck up. What is that? Jews crossing the street. Jamie, what did I ask you first? I don't know.

What the fuck is that? It's a moment past. Jews crossing the street. Jews crossing the street. Jews crossing the street. I'm trying to keep entertaining here. That's the best. It was how many people lose their penises.

No, no, no. Jews crossing the street. Due to circumcision. That's the best. It was how many people lose their penises. No, no, no. Just cross the street. Due to circumcision. That's also good. That's also a good road. We can do the split screen on that. No, we don't want that. Split screen.

I'm telling you. Jews crossing streets. Jews crossing streets. I don't know why. What does that mean? Jews crossing streets. You'll show it. It's good.

It's good. Jews crossing the street during a marathon. It was during a marathon. In Brooklyn. That's a bad idea. That is good stuff. Like going to Schultz. In Brooklyn. Oh, that's a bad sign. That is good stuff. They're going to Schultz.

Look at these guys. It's like Frogger. Oh, they just run through the marathon? Like, I gotta go to Schultz. Oh my god, that's hilarious. That's the best. Oh, look at the run with the hat on. Is it Brooklyn?

Hey, what are you supposed to do? It's Brooklyn, yeah. Yeah, that guy has to be- Flatbush Avenue? And that was you. You were doing that shit. We were living in a place Where there was a fucking marathon Did you have to dress like that?

No no no I was a step down Why Those guys ruled Is that Those guys ruled I was trying I was a phony

Those guys ruled What are you supposed to do What are you supposed to do When a marathon goes by And you want to cross the street What are you supposed to do Do you play Frogger? Yeah

When I lived next to the comedy store The LA Marathon came by there I was like I live right there Can I park my car And the cops were like, no. There's no break. You can't.

Man, Jews and marathons. For how long? For how many hours? I don't know. Beat it, dude. I don't know. Fucking fill your time with something. Shut the whole city down for that shit.

That is so odd. Only time to shit yourself in public if people commend you. That's right. That's true. You can just hold it in just for that moment. With marathons. McCusker, my buddy, was talking about shitting at the beginning of a marathon. Right at the beginning.

And he's like, You appear so brave. He's been running with shit dripping down his legs. For 26 miles. I'm scared of guns The king He doesn't even bother He doesn't even bother holding it in

He doesn't even run That's a sketch Oh my god you run with shit That's great right away You probably have a wider berth People get out of your way more Those people puking and shitting is great. Mile one.

This is all Matt does. Matt just tells me shit like this. Imagine a guy who's puking and shitting a mile wide. Right away. And you're like, oh no. You have hours of this left, sir. You're really sick, dude. You're really fucking sick.

So he has to decide, what am I doing with my life? Oh, look at that guy. Look at that guy. Oh, man. Wow. What stunning half these podcasts.

It's a half marathon. Every one of these podcasts ends with one of us like, I sharted earlier. it's a half marathon every one of these podcasts ends with one of us like man Ari's like he sharted earlier Ari's like it's a half marathon

it's 13 fucking miles that wasn't after 13 that was earlier in the race how do you know because he didn't shit right at the end there's no ticker tape

it's a photo fit it's 11 at max but even if you're doing 13 miles like if a marathon is three hours nobody else shits themselves it's very weird it's very common it is but also oh look at this guy i know that face

shits himself during race finishes top of category anyway what category shit category shit shitting and running anyway Squid game episode He's victory tunnel vision That would be like the cover of an album if you became a rapper. Shitting and running. I got video. How do you keep running? How do you keep going? The focus that takes. No, you gotta fucking go home.

Shut up. Keep running. That's Rogan competitive. Keep going. That guy is, yeah. You gotta keep going. You're a shit yourself. I'm a tiger.

You're a shit yourself. Hold on. It's a marathon. No one gives a fuck. That's a good point. That's a good point. Literally good point. What's his name? He says, even I couldn't bear the smell. I wanted to beat the African.

He shit himself. He shit himself and he couldn't hear the smell. Even I couldn't stand the smell. Did he win? Oh, he did win. Alright, alright. Good for him. He got his moment in the sun. He beat the smell. That's his quote. Did he win? Yeah. Oh, he did win. All right, all right. Good for him. Yeah, man.

He got his moment in the sun. He beat the African. Was that a professional marathon? Did he get prize money? Half marathon. Another one. I mean, if there's money on the, yes. For money, you got to go.

People are shitting themselves. No, everyone else there was not executed. It was a Chinese marathon. It was a Shanghai half marathon. Yeah. Mm. Damn. Oh, so he's over there eating Shanghai food, too. One hour a Chinese marathon. It was a Shanghai half marathon. Damn. Oh, so he's over there eating Shanghai food, too. One hour, six minutes.

Imagine if you're not from there. You fly over there. I think he's... You have some street tacos. Let's go, baby. We caught up before the race. You shit, Japan. Have a call to the bat still Have a fucking bat

Somebody sponsored that guy Yeah That's my money Running down his leg Oh my god Yeah you shit yourself That's showing commitment If you keep going

I mean he won He beat the African That's showing commitment if you keep going. I mean, he won. He beat the African. That's all he wanted. Couldn't stand his own smell. Wow. As he was running. It is the eye of the tiger, but also the eye. Then he started throwing up.

Is that kind of a nice analogy of life? Yeah. You see the moment? Wait, when's he beat him? Is this right when he's getting torched by these Africans? He used the propeller fuel. Oh, there he goes. I don't see any Dukian.

Wait, it's happening right now. There it is! No. He's just running. Did they roll out toilet paper? Exactly. Where is it? I wanted to squirt.

He probably barely shit himself, just a little, like Mark Norman did earlier. Fake news. Shark tank. As he's running across that finish line. You ever see the guy doing the flip, and then they just play it backwards with shit going back into his boot? Pull it up. That's the most beautiful thing that's ever been made. It flipped and shit at the same time?

Yeah, it flipped and shit, and they just played backwards slow-mo. Who is this crazy man? What a genius. You sure that's not Steve-O? Flipped and shit at the same time? It is a Stevo type of thing. Yeah, I don't know. Damn.

Is this fun? This is fun. Just crossing the street. We came back. We came back. We're pretty rational now. There was a moment where I couldn't stop laughing at everything. Oh, man.

I was freaking out for a second. Yeah. It was too much for a little bit. You guys are done? Huh? We're going to do a show in two hours. No, I mean, I'm still... for a second. Yeah, it was too much for a little bit Huh, we're gonna do a show in two hours Whoa Whoa! That was a question mark

Look at this log of shit that lands behind him. Yeah, it's like a missile. Don't watch our ridiculousness Watch it on Uncensored Look at that shit. I love this guy It's like a missile. Don't watch it on ridiculousness. Watch it on uncensored. Look at this. Look at that shit. I love this guy. It's got to be like Instagram. This guy's insane. That's insane. Wow. Dookie.

Good for that guy. That's so much. Yeah. What kind of confidence do you have in your ability to take a quick shit? My fear is he tensed up and he was doing it and then he just shot. I understand, but the volume. The volume was quite a lot. If you ask me, can I reproduce that?

I'm like, no, sir, I can't. No way. Stop me if we've told this story before. My friend used to take funny shits in school. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you this? No. He would go, there was no doors on the stalls,

so he would come up with a new way to shit every fucking day. He would come up with a funny way to shit, so sometimes he'd be laying on top of the cross, and he'd shit straight down. Sometimes he'd hold himself up at the roof of the stall. It was really hard. It was really hard to do. And he'd go and shit.

It'd be like one drop. He was holding himself up. So he held his legs up. Yeah, he was like that. At the roof of the stall. The teacher came in and was like, what the fuck's going on? 20 of us watching a guy.

Oh my gosh. Hey, you had to pass the time. Was it all boys school? No, but it was a weird moment. The teacher had to be like, what the fuck was that? You know she laughed too. I forget what club we were with with Joey Joey might have been like San Jose Improv.

But we go into the bathroom. Joey Diaz goes, Joe Rogan, go take a look at what I left you. And I go, what? What are you talking about? I open up the toilet, and there's a log. Oh, my God. Like a drowning sailor that was pulled onto the shore. At the time, he was too big to sit on the toilet.

Oh, no. So he sat on the front of the toilet and just shit on the dock. Shit on the dock. You ever do it? He just dropped a log on the beach, and you open the door and go, ha! He just dropped a log on the beach, and you open the door and you go, ha! That was the funniest fucking thing. You couldn't flush it.

It must have smelled so bad. It must have smelled so bad. You had to help it into the water. It literally would flush it. The beached whale. It was ridiculous. There's so many milligrams of weed in that shit. Oh, my God.

If you smelled that shit, you could get high. Nobody can put weed away with Joey. Not a human that's ever lived. Shut your mouth. A psycho guy, he would ruin parties. And we had these houses in New Orleans. That's what we were supposed to be known for. He was like the push-the-grandfather-clock-in-the-pool guy. And there was a heater grate on the floor.

You know, the heat would come out of it. And he shit on the grate. And it just sat there like a hibachi. The whole party in about 20 minutes was like, what the fuck is that smell? Wait a minute, you're talking to a guy who shit in a Tupperware and opened it up on Skankfest.

Or on Legion of Skanks. It was not shit. It was Avenged Sevenfold's latest album. It was the best. Man, what a stupid joke. We were laughing. You also shit in a fish tank once, my friend. That's what I want. Your friend shit in a fish tank?

Yeah, he was kind of a legend. He got kicked out of college. I haven't seen him since. Yeah, I shit in a Tupperware for Jay's birthday. I cover it in paper yeah you open up and it's just fucking clear Mickey Gall was there it cleared Yeah, Che was outside. It was in Old Creek. Che was in the bar.

He goes, what the fuck is that? Oh, my God. Ron Bennington? You gave someone shit for Ron Bennington? Yeah, that's when he started wearing two glasses at once. Dude, so bad. What did you say about Ron Bennington? He's the best. He's the best.

He's so crazy, dude. Was he on the stage with you? He was there with us, yeah. Oh, my God. You did that in front of him? How dare you? I didn't take the shit. I took the shit a day and a half earlier.

Ron and Fez was a great show. Great show. Yeah. That was a fun show to listen to. Yeah, follow ONA. He has the unmask. Remember, those unmasks were great. Unmasks are awesome.

You did one. I did an unmask. He is the best interviewer. The ONA days, man. Number one. You know, the fact that those two guys separated and just went completely separate ways and yeah

we were just watching it last night the guy the baby bird was so when you think it's done it doubles down how much puke is gonna come

pull it up that's you know that's the origin of everything we do everything was ONA ONA and then Ron and Fez yeah you think so

maybe Stern was before that it definitely started for me with Stern yeah and then what ONA was that was different was it was a hangout. It was a hangout. That's true. For the record, this guy that has his head tilted back said, if you make me an intern. Pat Duffy.

That's Pat. No, he was already an intern. No, I thought that's how he got to be an intern. No, no, no, no. I don't think so. Yeah. I'm pretty sure he'd already scrubbed his teeth with cat shit. He'd done a bunch of other things.

Really? Yeah. I thought that's the day. He was like, I'll do this if you elevate me. You might be right, but I'm not sure. But it was my recollection that they had a bunch of stories about him. The Paltalk cat. Already.

He ate puke that someone put Froot Loops in. Yeah, that night. That was that day. Yuck. Earlier that day, he was like, puke it, I have Froot Loops, and I'll eat night. That was that day. Earlier that day, he was like, puke it, I have Froot Loops, and I'll eat it. It might have still been him. What is he drinking? Eggnog, right?

Eggnog. I love Eggnog. He throws up in this dude's mouth. He's heavily diabetic, and he took an Eggnog shot a minute. How many people were here this day, Ari? Me, you, Burr. Who else?

Maybe Voss. This guy's a champ. Patrice was not there. Oh, I thought he was. No, it was... Opie, Anthony, Norton. And someone named it the Baby Bird. Might have been Burr. This guy could take...

Baby Bird, it was Kumia. Wow. Is he throwing up his mouth! It was so big! The guy doesn't move! What a warrior! He's a warrior. This guy is a warrior. He un-nosed up. He spit it out! He spit it out!

This is like Jesus. He just takes it. We're not done yet. This is flip phone footage. We're not done yet. This is flip phone footage guys crying. I don't yet you think it's over So I would to clean this man a tarp set up Garbage can is useless. Useless? Is that what you're doing? Wow. He's like, that's it. That's it.

That's it. So that was my idea. First of all, rest in peace, Pat from Unaki. Genius. Fucking legend. Rest in peace, Pat from Unaki. He's a legend and the greatest throw up artist oh my god

he's the greatest throw up artist that has ever existed throw up artist first of all he was putting his life in danger while doing this because he's a diabetic

super diabetic because he was drinking gallons of sugar milk everything after that in radio it's like it's done radio's over

you're not gonna beat that we had a fucking incredible time. It was an incredible time. Who had this camera? More angles have popped up since this has come out. But this was 15 years old. More angles.

Yeah, there's so many. 9-11. CIA had a camera there. It was barfing from the side. It was multiple people. It's JFK. What those guys did was they started off podcasts. It's a puker film.

Yeah. Because they let us come on as comics and hang. And be ourselves. That's a puker film. Yeah. Because they let us come on as comics and hang and be ourselves. That's what it was. They let us come on and hang and that's what taught us how to be podcasters. Yeah,

that would be cool. There's no other angle. Oh my God. It's too close. It's way too close. It's way too close. We get it. It's basically a bukkake.

You actually want it less clear. It's a pukake. Bukake. Uh- basically a bukkake. You actually want it less clear. It's a pew-kake. Pew-kake. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, that was great. Oh, man, those mushrooms were- I saw Burr like two weeks later.

Too much. They were perfect. At the store. I was in the cover booth. Oh, yeah, they're great. I'm listening. I was in the cover booth. I saw Burr downstairs like in the front patio talking.

And I was like, you're talking about the baby Burr, aren't you? He goes, yeah. Because you can just tell the air of someone who saw this crazy thing. Yeah, you and I were there for one of the craziest moments in media that someone could actually do that. They would lay down garbage bags on the ground. So they're like hefty bags everywhere. They waterproof the ground, and then they set up this garbage bag. They knew it was going to happen.

And then I said it almost as a goof. I said, why don't you have Pat Duffy lean back, put his head over the dumpster, and Pat from Munaki throws up in his mouth. And they were like, no way. He's like, I'll fucking do it. We're like, no. This is definitely the origin of Legion of Skeks. Oh, yeah.

Well, the ONA vibe went through all of New York. It was a fun vibe. It was a fun vibe. You were stuck in traffic, and you were listening to these guys telling people to climb face-first into dumpsters and shit. They were crazy. They were crazy, and they were doing something that was different. And they would bring comics on, and we would just hang. And that's how we all got started.

Yeah. It's a good metaphor for comedy too because they had some misses. They had a few homeless things that were weird. They did a lot of wild shit and they got canceled too. They were one of the first people to get canceled. They got kicked off the air

because they had a homeless guy come on and say that he wanted to rape Condoleezza Rice. That's not so bad. They didn't even know what he was going to say. They got a crazy guy on there. Also fucking in a cathedral. That was a nice one. That was a good one.

And I wrote a blog post about that before I ever even did go in. You're a blogger? Piece of blog. Rogan blog. What? Yeah. I wrote a blog defending them. You know, this is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah. If you think about all the terrible things that have happened in churches. Consensual sex churches Particularly Catholic churches And these two people decide to have consensual sex How about you You want to get mad at people for that sacrilege What about the sacrilege of fucking kids What are you talking about

Of all the people that should shut the fuck up That's number one Especially back then Before the internet, before these documentaries Where people didn't know the extent of sexual abuse. But also, very funny to make people fucking a giant old cathedral. And they're like loud fucking, the entrance following them around. Bro, you don't think that you would do that if you were 23 years old?

A hundred percent. You'd get on ONA? A hundred percent. Could you perform? Your girlfriend's like, yeah, let's fucking do it. She wants to do it. Louis Black got arrested. Jim Norton got arrested.

What? For what? They went on a party bus where the women showed their tits, and they got arrested. They got arrested for that? That's how Norton got hired. I thought they looked gross alone. Sorry. We were that far away from the prohibition.

It just happened. It just happened 100 years ago. I mean, how long goes Lenny Bruce as soon as they're off stage? It's like, come on, you know it. We're going to jail. 15 busted on risque radio bus. There you go. 15 people were arrested yesterday aboard a raunchy rolling radio promotion bus

after its topless female passengers drew crowds and stalled traffic, cops said. The bus, which was promoting radio bad boys, Opie and Anthony, veered onto a midtown street cleared for a presidential motorcade. But that wasn't the reason given for the arrests. It was creating a crowd condition, a police source said. They were flashing everybody. So was that when they were doing Flash Friday? Yeah, Louis BlackO-W. Yeah, W-O-W Wednesdays. Yeah.

Yeah, Louis Black and Jim Norton busted. And Norton, they hired him after that. What a fun thing to get arrested. Oh, really? That's how he got on the show. Wow. Good origin story. Yeah.

What year was that? 2000. Comedy was fun at one point. It was fun. It was fun. It's still fun. Yeah, you're right. It's still very fun.

You're right. Ari, you have a quote that I tell to people all the time. I said, Ari says comedy is finally dangerous again. It's the best. Those people leave angry, and now they report us. It's like, we're not having a good time. We're not having a good time. Yeah, it's just weird to report.

That's what I don't get. Like, look, we've all seen a thing where we go, oh, that's offensive. That hurt my feelings. They're dorks. But why would you write about it or report it? It's fascinating. It's reading it that's the problem. There's three sides to it.

I shouldn't do that. You think a joke is funny, you think a joke is don't funny, and then you're angry. Who's going to be on that side? What's up, Eric? He loves that dog! What in the world? You like your girlfriend that much. But some people think they have a right to be angry,

so they use it to be angry. There's recreational outrage. And now there's kooks who get behind him and go, yeah, I'm angry too. Yeah, and there's a lot of people out there. The thing is, it's like we're realizing that everybody's connected now, and it's starting to grow in its understanding of what's possible. And it got a little

away from us, I think. It got away from us. It got away. It changed media. A lot of people got scared because they don't like the bad reaction to people that disagree with them, so they just go with this mind virus. It's like really smart people that fucking read the comments all the time and it fucks with their head. You think that's

reality. It's just like, get off. There's too many people, man. You're interacting with too many people in a non-human way. You're interacting with too many people in text form. That's not good for your health. It's just not good for your health. It's just not good for your health. It's not good in any way. Especially in Twitter, it's only negative.

Only negative. They're like, look at this art piece. Like, wow, what is hard to come by? I heard Hans Kim's been reading the Reddit. Get off the Reddit, Hans Kim. Don't read that shit. Don't do it. I didn't mean what I wrote.

Talented people, like, you know, that can derail you. Yeah, well, what about, that can derail you. Yeah, but what about these weirdos with the art installations where they throw soup on a fucking painting? It's so fucking pompous. It's kooky. For the environment, you're just going to destroy something beautiful? Yeah, go help the environment. You fucking dork

Gen Z dorks. The dummies in Germany, they glued their hand on this thing, and they didn't know the thing was portable, so they just picked the thing up and took them into the back. No. Yeah, they glued their hand on the railing. These fucking dummies and they didn't know the thing was portable, so they just picked the thing up and took them into the back. No. Yeah, they glued their hand on a railing. These fucking dummies. They didn't know the railing wasn't bolted to the floor.

They just want attention. They're just looking for attention. Sure. It's so dumb. I don't care about their cars. They glue themselves to the wall. Do a backflip with shit. Do you see what the Porsche people did?

Yeah. Shut the lights off. Left them in there. Fuck you. Good. Go shit yourself. They let them shit themselves. They didn't even call the cops.

Oh, fuck. Those guys are glued to the floor. Like, ah, we'll show them, bro. We're going to fucking stop this climate. This climate is a pro-climate change. Make sure you respect the marathon guys. At least they shit themselves earning something. A lot of them do believe it, though.

They do believe it. A lot of people believe if you don't stop climate change right now, we're all going to die. It's possibly true. What's his face? PBT. Pat Patrick David? Yes. Whoa.

You got me. He had one of them on. They called in. Really? The ladies. They called in. The ladies who did the vandalize. No, really?

What did they say? What did they say? It's the most important thing. Well, first of all, their pronouns were he, she, they called in, the ladies who did the vandalize. No, really? What did they say? What did they say? It's the most important thing. Well, first of all, their pronouns were he, she, they. He, she, they. Yeah, everything. Everything. That's not bad.

That's cool. That is cool. He, she, they. Way to rule. She's a demigod. That's like getting double O in basketball is your number. You know how crazy that is? He, she, they.

Okay. Call me everything. So there's that. Anyway, I have an opinion on that. Hey, my pronoun is God. I'm saying that. Yeah, I invented everything. There's that.

I hate to be that guy. Yeah, but they called in and they were like, well, we're just trying to save the world. You know, like these people are evil. And you're like, I know, but you didn't do anything. You didn't do anything. They did though, because they're talking to people. Yeah, well, so are school shooters. They're all the news, too.

That's a very good point. These guys are making noise. These guys are making a lot of fucking noise. That Bill Hicks quote is gold, and I love when a comedy club has a thing on the door. There's a club. I can't think of the name of it. But it says, you'll think of something right on

the way out, and that really helped me. And then I bombed. But it's nice. Follow the Fear is another one, a Del Close thing. Who said that? Del Close, the improv guru. Follow the Fear. You know when you're kind of in a thing, and you're like,

I'm freaking out, I'm bombing, I'm flustered, and then you come out of it, and it's a great moment. Yeah. That's great. That's a common at the Green Room, at the mothership. It's going to say, get it together, bitch. Oh. Because that's what Joey Diaz used to say to me.

Oh, really? He used to say to me right before I go on stage, get it together, bitch. You know, just go on stage laughing. I had to follow him during Bert's thing. Oh, man. He's's thing. He's great. Every time he would get off stage, he'd be like, show them Philly-style motherfucker. He's like

a community guy. He's all about community. Joey calls you up to check in on you. Two-minute calls. Like, everybody I'm with, they're like, I gotta take this. It'll be a minute. What are you doing, cocksucker? What the fuck are you doing down there in Austin? I miss you, motherfucker. He just checks up on you.

You check up on him. He's a lovely person. A great guy. And the fact that he thought he could sleep in a bunk on a bus. That didn't last 10 minutes. That's hilarious. Or maybe. What kind of bunk?

Thunderous. What? Snoring and farting. It was me, fucking Big J. It was in that bus. Joey Diaz. Wow. Get so many people in that bus farting and snoring and funny fucking big J Farting snoring It was literally the like if you thought of the worst people to see Like I want to be a man of the people I'm like get in the back of the bus bitch Get your fucking it of the bus, bitch. The apnea tour. Get your fucking spot. It was fully the apnea tour.

Yeah, it was. Mattel couldn't make it. Sponsored by Trouble Breeder. He was back there, he was like, stop the bus. Is that a fun way to do it? A lot of guys were like, stop the bus. Is that a fun way to do it? It was fun. It was incredible.

We watched movies every night. Oh, it was so fun. Is it better to do it in a bus, you think? Yes. I mean, it was like- I'm going to try it next year. It wears on you with all those guys, but we had a blast. The way people talk about, Sturgill talks about buses.

People talk about buses like, man, it's a fucking great time. It's like a constant party. I think it's the best time of your life. Well, we watched Apocalypto. I think. We watched Apocalypto. Oh, my God. Just have fun hanging with comics every single day.

I can't have a bus. I got a family. What? The problem is the weekends is all I do. I go out at night in Austin, but I'm a weekends guy. I don't want to do every weekend. When you got a bus, you're committed to going 1, 2, 3, 4,

10, 12. You were always that way. Even at the store back before you were really going. You'd be like, Friday, Saturday, coming in. I balance myself out. I'll do spots during the week for sure, always. But it's like going somewhere to perform on the weekend. I don't do that many weekends because it's just like you could crack.

It would be fun with five other comics, though. And it's fun when you crack a little bit. Yeah, crack a lot. You know, you're like, let's go down to Tijuana. We're in San Diego. Let's get some sweaters and fentanyl. These real chicklets. Yeah.

I mean, Joey was fun. Bert was fun. I was jealous, for real. You guys all hang out like that. I was for real jealous. That sounded great. It's such a great idea, too, to do it in those baseball parks. Yeah.

Such a great idea. Bert's so good at thinking up ideas. He came up with the driving movie idea. He's still alive. It's great. He's not drinking. It up ideas. Like he came up with a driving movie idea. He's still alive. It's great. He's not drinking. It's great. Do you know Sober October like basically knocked him down 90% of his drinking?

Okay, Joe. He tells me. I bet he does. He's a yarn spinner. He yarns. So you don't think he's drinking? I think he's drinking hella. This is what he always does.

He goes, I haven't even drank today. And then Tom would be like, what about those three drinks at lunch? He goes, oh yeah, those, fine. That's true. He tells his version of what he's drinking hella. This is what he always does. He goes, I haven't even drank today. And then Tom will be like, what about those three drinks at lunch? He goes, oh yeah, those, fine. He tells his version of what he's thinking of. He drank. It's Bert Kreischer. You think he just suddenly stopped drinking? If he did, he would still be just as funny and we'd have him longer. True.

My worry is that he's taking, you know, he takes medication and talks about it. It's like, that shit's dangerous. That scares the shit out of me. While you're drinking and... It's great. What are you talking about? Yeah.

He's killing it. I'll tell you what, though. He's the Jimmy Buffett of comedy. The dude is an animal. He's the best. He can put it away. Great guy. Great egg.

So much fun hanging out. He helps young comics, too. He definitely does. He does. Definitely does. Damn. Is there a better guy? Than Bert?

Maybe. He's in top five. There's like levels of guys. There's no better. I mean, Martin Luther King hated Gage. Martin Luther King, Burt Kreischer. Who else? He's a good dude.

He's such a good dude that like after we did that Sober October podcast, I called him up and I'm like, hey man, you seem worried about stuff that's not important. I'm like, you're killing it. Why are you freaking out about stupid shit? He's like, this person's taking advantage of him, this and that. And I'm like, dude, you're the fucking man right now. You're killing it. You you freaking out about it's like stupid shit like he's like this person's taking advantage of him this and that and i'm like dude you're the fucking man right now you're killing it you're doing arenas you should ride this bitch ride this bitch like it's a giant white rhino and you got the rings yeah this is his moment he's having him all you can't be like getting upset about trivial shit but we invited him to uh norman party. And I was like, he's probably too busy.

But just invite him. And he goes, oh, while I'm coming, matching outfits for everybody. He's just like, this is my scene. Yeah, he took over and it was fun. He's an animal. I'm glad we do Sober October just to give him a shot. That gives him two more years. Give him a shot.

Just resetting. Well, he's the shirtless drunk guy, but people don't give him his due for how innovative he is. Well, we were talking about he came up with the drive-in thing. He came up with his baseball arena thing. It's just like he's a great marketer. The way he puts together those promos are hilarious. He came up with promo content in one. Blurred.

And he takes his shirt off, and it's the loudest pop that anyone's ever heard in all of comedy. If only he knew his kids' names. When he did it at the Vulcan. When he did it at the Vulcan the other night, we were like, what the fuck, man? Oh, he was here? Yeah. Takes his shirt off. I would love to see a collage of videos of him going home shirtless.

It's like, I knew that. It's like, I'm going to go to Uber. His skin bio must be so healthy. He comes in contact with so many other people. It was cute to see. Sorry. No, I'm just saying, so many fat guys, like, slobbering with their sweaty body on top of his sweaty body. That's an upstopper.

Taking photos, because they all take their shirts off for photos. They love it. They want the sweat. Man, that tour was the fucking shit. That was the best. Yeah, that seems cool. God damn it. We had a great time.

By the way, the mushrooms haven't gone away. Yeah. I went and took a piss. We have ours. Don't worry. They were still right there. We got to get some food in us. We should get some food. But I'm just, yeah.

Yeah, we can talk about it because you weren't invited to the tour. Just walking on the baseball field at night. Like you get done with the set and then you're walking back to the fucking locker room to get a beer. You're literally walking in the outfield during the summer night. Look at that dog. She fucking loves him. That's a girl, bro. Is it a girl?

He calls her a boy. He's crazy. Oh, he whimpered. There's a dick there. Look at that dog. There you go, JMO. That is a deep love. And it's not anti-Semitic. It's crazy because I thought that was because she was a that dog. Ah, there you go, JMO. That is like a deep love. And it's not anti-Semitic. It's crazy because I thought that was because she was a rescue dog.

No, that's just Ari. Well, he takes that thing to Guatemala and shit. I've rarely seen a dog that attached to a person. It's really interesting. It's so cool seeing Ari with a dog, too. He needed something. Oh, my God. Well, he was bombing so much, you know.

He's different now. He is. He's back, too. He needed something. Oh, my God. Well, he was bombing so much. You know, it helped us. He's different now. He is. He's back, baby. You hear that pop when he went on stage last night? That was inspiring. Well, we saw him. We saw him doing it. I was trying to, you know, we watched him build that hour. It was like, it is good. It's good. It's funny. It's good. I saw him every

night at the stand in the cellar. We would watch him do it every night. We'd be like, dude, Ari's good. Oh, yeah. This is good. I sat on him watching. It's going to be good. Well, you know, that's a set that he had prepared before all that shit happened with him. And then he abandoned it, wrote a whole new hour, and then we talked him into doing it again.

I was like, dude, you can't not do that set. That set's so good. What are you doing with it? And he's like, I don't know. Just looking. Maybe. Maybe I'll go back to it. I go, dude, you got to go back to it. Go back to it. Pick it up. Do it? And he's like, I don't know. Just fucking maybe. Maybe I'll go back to it. I go, dude, you gotta go back to it. Go back to it.

Pick it up. Do it again. It's already done. The time helped him, though. Adding that extra time really polished it. Time helps, man. It really does. It does. Like, we were talking about those Kinison specials. They're back to back, year after year. You can't do that, man. It's like kiss of death. And you know, he was one of the first guys to realize that because he

went on tour after he did HBO, and apparently he was trying to do some of the same bits. And people knew the bits, and they were yelling out punchlines and shit. It was like, oh my God, I have to write all new bits. I think Louis fucked that up. Louis can do it because he's one of the best, but a lot of people thought, I'll do an hour a year, whatever. It's like, no, they need to marinate. They need to marinate.

There's no rush. It's like you're making a mountain out of layers of paint. Yeah. It takes a little time. Sometimes it doesn't. All right? Sometimes bits come. Sometimes bits come.

But sometimes you're like a year later, you're like, oh, that's a better ending. Yes. Exactly. And you're like, fuck, I already recorded it. All the time. That sucks. After you fucking recorded something, you have the best tagline ever. You're like, oh.

So it's easier to just like stop doing it. You record, it's done. You'll just torture yourself. Yeah. True. But you have to bridge the gap if you're doing shows, right? If your special's coming out in a few months and you have to do shows, you know as well as I do, you don't want to have a fucking real hour after you film.

Yeah. You have like 15 minutes if you're lucky within like the first month or so. Sure. It's a grind. Lucky. I was talking to Schultz about it, same thing.

It's a grind. It's so fun though. Dude, no way this show happens tonight. The show's happening. No chance. It already didn't happen.

You pussies. I called it a bomb threat. You pussies. I said, I'm coming baby and they said, shut it down. Chuck me one of those.

I'm going to give it try number five. I'm definitely going to bomb. Didn't TJ do the bomb threat? Yeah, he did. That kind of guy. He got in trouble for that one. He apparently had a legitimate brain issue.

He's the man. Nice guy. Just rip that fucking thing. Funny guy. He's the man. Talented guy. TJ's the man. He left a real show.

He goes, I'm done with this Yeah Silicon Valley Yeah What are you doing You're making money He goes It's done

This is stupid I don't want to do this anymore Great bro No one can riff like that Like I mean We talk about Top ever in the world Tim's up there

No but on stage Tim's like ranting Dude TJ will go on Fucking obliterated And just With nothing Kill

Empty holsters And just kill For like as long as he no one can do that yeah i won't be able to go on stage tonight with rehearsed material yeah yeah i'm struggling yeah it's interesting how people like there's you can go on and just certain times where people accept mental illness we only accept mental illness up you know up to a certain extent. And when it's not convenient, we don't accept mental illness. That's true.

Kanye. Yeah. When it's not convenient, we won't accept mental illness. But when it's convenient, we'll give mental illness every fucking chance it can. Yeah, it's fun. It's good art. Yeah. Wait till you see, again, Kanye's fucking Amazon.

It's on Amazon. What? Kanye has a special at the L.A. Colise you see, again, Kanye's fucking Amazon. It's on Amazon. What? Kanye has a special at the LA Coliseum. Not a special. A concert. Yeah. It's him and Drake. It was like the free Larry Hoover thing.

It's the best concert. Yeah, he rules. Really? He's the best. Dude, the guy rules. Kanye's so fucking good. It has been for so long. It's just unbelievable how good it is. He's getting wrapped up in all these things that are not what he's best at.

These kind of conversations about all the shit that's going on. I mean, think about all the trouble that's caused him. That's an insane amount of chaos that happened to his life in such a short period of time. You ever hear the song, Everything Fall Apart? I mean, the guy was on top of the world. This is live. What the fuck?

That's the LA Coliseum in the background. Whoa. Him with the Tron outfit, all this stuff. He puts on a show. Give me some volume, Jamie. Who's Larry Hoover? He's the gangster disciples in Chicago. This is a crazy set design.

Is that all smoke? Wow. Whoa. It's fun to watch. The set design is unreal. The set's insane. That guy should get an award. He did.

That's great. Probably a Jew. Probably a Jew. Every song. Every song's a hit. He's had like 20 years. Whoa. This is huge. Every song's a hit. He's had like 20 years Here's what's funny about it. Look at that set!

It's insane! He's so small compared to that fucking place. That guy should do stand-up sets. He's going through like a manic episode of people like Kanye slow down Then he's like no, I'm God I'm in the middle of the LA Coliseum murdering. Wow. I'm literally getting like... But don't you think that some of what people would call mental illness, it allows him to be able to be that dynamic on stage?

Yeah. And it's a gift. Of course. It's a gift, but it's a gift that has to be managed. He says it's a superpower. He uses it. Right. But that was the thing, like when they drugged him up. Remember when they

drugged him up and he got chubby? Oh, yeah. It was another one? They had this crazy mountain on the stage. It made snow inside. Jesus Christ. He made snow inside. Remember when he was in Chicago? He had his mom's house. That shit was cool. Bro, before he did the podcast, when Jamie got COVID, unfortunately we had to

make things happen quickly. We had to use a set that we had he wanted to design his own set you want to sign yeah yeah he had illustrations he wanted to design a set that looked like a womb and we're gonna do it in a warehouse somewhere and I was like you down for this Jamie Jamie's like I mean I fucking I guess so and then Jamie got COVID so we had a friend in red band had a fill-in for Jamie. And so I'm like, I go, Kanye, my producer's sick. So we're going to have to do it with a step-in producer who doesn't particularly know the setup as well.

He doesn't do it. But let's just do it at the studio. It'll be easier. So we're like, okay. And to his credit, he just let it go. He thought our studio looked like shit. But it did. The Red one kind of looked stupid.

Oh, that was a weird studio. It was an idea. It didn't work. I thought it looked cool at first, and then after a while, I was like, what is this? It was like a toaster. What does this represent? Yeah. Infrared fucking weirdo hot box.

Right. I think you tried it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Radio Raheem called it the red pill. I was like, that's really, that's been taken. That's got so many negative connotations. I know, I know. Which one's the red pill?

Go back to the Matrix? No, that's the one real life. The red pill's real life. Oh, is that right? Yeah, the blue pill takes you back to the Matrix. Take the red pill means see reality for what it is. There's a black pill now. Yeah, that's death and destruction.

The idea is if you're a person who sees where it's all going. Yeah. That was sick. Damn. Is he on fire? Yeah. He set himself on fire? Jay Leno. Jesus Christ, dude. That was like a Repcub's family house or something. How insane is the production that he does? And then they run up on him

and douse him. What? And then he goes back and performs. Look, the guy... He's on such another level. The guy's on another level, man. I mean, that kind of thinking. He wanted to do a podcast in a womb. Can you imagine if Jamie didn't get COVID? If Jamie wasn't hanging out with floozies.

Jamie, what were you doing? In the middle of the pandemic, Jamie out floozy-ing around. What were you doing, Jamie? Some downtown whiskey joint. You've been in Austin for six weeks. What am I supposed to do? He's out floozying around. What are you doing, Jamie? Some downtown whiskey joint. You've been in Austin for six weeks. What am I supposed to do? He's out floozying around.

That's a good point. The point is, that podcast could have been in a womb. Coxman. Real Coxman. Jamie definitely has a big-ass dick. Oh, I've seen it. Doesn't taste bad either. All right, fellas.

All right. Nobody wants to hear it doesn't taste bad. A lot of big hogs in here. That is annoying when girls go, it tastes so good. Nobody wants to hear it doesn't taste bad. A lot of big hogs in here. That is annoying when girls go, it tastes so good. I'm like, it's skin, you kook. Shit, who says that? It's skin, you kook.

He smacked her. Did you see what he did? It's skin, you kook. I'm sucking Norman's dick. It's skin, you kook. Don't lie to me with the oh, it tastes so good. Shut up. That'd be one of the greatest things someone's ever said. It's not a blow pop.

Skin your kook and then a gentle smack. Yeah, give her a little raspberry. Suck in a guy's dick in the 30s. That's crazy. With a Tommy gun. Skin your kook. Shut up, bitch. She's sucking your dick while she's With a Tommy gun. Skate me a kook. Shut up, bitch. She's sucking your dick while she's holding a Tommy gun.

You guys just robbed a bank together. Imagine what those fucking days must have been like when people were just driving around with Tommy guns, robbing banks. Oh, those are the better days. Bro, people rob banks. Negative time. Bonnie and Clyde. Truly negative experience. They figured out they could just pull guns on people and get a bunch of money and run away. And there was no internet.

Yeah, just get away. No fingerprints. No internet. They all got murdered. They did get murdered. They all got shot. They all tried to have a shootout behind a mattress. Didn't stop bullets.

How many people actually got away with bank robberies, though? That's a good question. You get away. By the way, I don't know if it's a great thing to promote here. You can get away. I think if you rob one bank, it's like 70% you get away with it. Really? It's the guys who go for the rush.

Like if you go and get a makeup specialist to give you a fake nose. I think you walk into a bank. This is good. Ski mask. Ski mask. They can't find you. Consequentially, many bank robbers are caught the same day. The clearance rate

for bank robbery is among the highest of all crimes at nearly 60%. Oh, that's not great. That's not a good rate. I don't want to promote it. Yeah.

But you can walk into a bank with it. The craziest thing is you've got a 60% chance of getting away with it. NASCAR is from bootleggers. Yep. Isn't that insane?

We have a sport. Yeah, it makes sense though. Made by these guys rush killing it. They wanted to figure out better cars. cars that could outrun the cops. Yeah. So they hot-rodded. They should make NASCAR guys go drunk.

Dude, the first time I ever did radio in the South, I remember them bringing up NASCAR. I was like, what are you guys talking about? And they're like, you didn't see what Dale did? I go, what are you talking about? And to them, it was just everybody knew they cared so much more than we cared all these people are famous it was like I was realizing this is pre-internet I was real like there's places where you go there's people that were famous you had no idea who they were we went you were with me we went to uh Charlie Goodnights

in Raleigh North Carolina great club and then we went to the Honky Tonk bar. Do you remember that? What happened? They let him in? No, nothing bad happened. We were in the Honky Tonk bar. Honker Tonk. And we're these fucking dorks from LA. We're these dorks from LA.

And this song comes on, and everyone knows the words. And they're singing along. And if you ask Ari and I whether or not that was a real song, we'll be like, that's not a real song. Is this a flash mob? What's going on? They all sang along like we were being pranked. And we were like, this is a famous song. And it's not like I know it, but I don't really know it.

It's like, I've never heard of it. Have you heard of this? Never heard of the band. Never heard of the song. Because this is like when the internet wasn't really popular. It was regional. It was totally regional. These fucking people all sang along.

Yeah. They're all dancing and shit. And we were like, whoa, this is crazy. We ventured into like a new- Regional was nice. It was kind of nice. I liked regional. You had a community.

Everybody, yeah. Like a bunch of Vikings chanting together. Yeah. Now it's all the same. I think that's why we like Boston shit so much. Because it's like, ah, Harvard, yeah, and all that. Boston, Philly, they still have like, ah, Harvard, yeah, and all that, because it's rare now. They still have some culture.

There were scenes, too, like the L.A. punk scene, the D.C. punk scene. They had their own vibe. You could tell where somebody came from. Seattle grunge. Yeah. Yes, that's a good one. Boy, is that represented by the fucking climate, huh? Oh, yeah.

Just dour and draining. Yeah. That's so true. They're just like, I don, no, respect women or whatever. Bummer. Suicide rates higher in Seattle. It's high as fuck. You got to get outside, kids.

Get some vitamin D in your system. Vitamin D. You could fucking kill yourself. Why go outside when you can just kill yourself? Jesus. Going outside kind of sucks. You can just fucking kill yourself. I think outside when you can just kill yourself? Go outside kind of sucks. You can just fucking kill yourself.

I think the mushrooms are wearing off. This is goddamn Zen Packs. It's designed by the government. But yeah, we did that.

The Fully Loaded, we did a NASCAR track. Oh, that was great. And the guy took us around on the NASCAR and was like, yeah, he's like, hey, 100,000 people

come to this every week. We're like, what? Yeah. People love it. That was the largest college football game. It's a tailgate. Yeah. People love it. That was the largest college football game. It's a tailgate. Yeah.

It's a big tailgate. It's a big tailgate. It's a big tribal thing, too. Everybody gets together. We roll out and fucking party in. Don't people die there every year? Yeah, they get hit by tires right in the fucking face. It's fun to watch on video.

Tires fly off, and they just fucking careen into the audience. Yeah. They're doing the F1 in Vegas fucking face. It's fun to watch on video. Tires fly off and they just fucking careen into the audience. Yeah. See, they're doing the F1 in Vegas next year. Oh, really? On the strip. Really?

Oh my God, that's going to be insane. Is that F1? That's going to be insane. I don't think people die all the time in NASCAR. No, the one by Shane's house. I'll say this.

The ones I went, at Williams Grove, I went to a dude, the car flew out and landed on a guy. Oh, my God. That was like two years ago. Nice.

Oh, my God. You saw that? Driver died, yeah. Really? Jesus Christ. I mean, yeah. You ever see those Le Mans? Those Le Mans in the 60s?

Oh, you saw that? You saw a guy get hit with a flying car? I mean, I was in the mob in the middle of the, yeah. He was pounding a beer. That's like a scene in a movie. That's like a scene in a movie. The flying car coming at you. It pauses and says, let me tell you how I got here. And then the movie starts and it backs up.

It's before the guy dies. Final destination. Car flying at you, there you go. Just some wild ass movie. That ends with this guy getting obliterated by the car. And at the end of the movie, you're like, holy shit, what a you like chevy cruz that would never fly out yeah yeah they're not fast enough to really kill you chevy cruz oh come on you say that now dude bro you love them you're committed ari yeah are you gonna get a bmw. It's a fucking New York thing.

You'll like this. Whoa! A dude fell out of that. No, he's still in there. He's done. He's like a rag doll. What is that thing? Jesus Christ. You can literally hear this from my parents' house.

You can see the lights and hear this. Every summer night I hear it. The greatest drivers of all time have died driving. Why don't the Jews make a car? Good question. Why don't the Jews make a car? They don't really make much. Are they into manufacturing stuff like that? Well, they own whoever makes it.

Yeah. But why isn't it a Jew-run car? Because they're always like, when I grew up, they're like, don't get an Audi. Don't get a BMW. Don't get a Mercedes. What is it about those German and European cars that are so goddamn good? They're the best. German specific, though.

German and Japanese. How are they so good at this? Bro, Porsche? Those cars are fucking amazing. They're perfect. The new ones, they just keep getting them better and better and better. And then the new 911 is so good, it's sensational. You drive it, you're like, I can't believe how good they...

They keep making the same thing every year better. That's how good the 911 was. 911 happened, and they're like, we're not changing the name. That's true. Shit. Get over it. Get over it. This car's too cool.

They sold a 2001 911. Yeah. They sold a 2002 911. This is a 2001 911. Bro, I owned a 2002 911. That was like the first nice car. I won the first nice car. The Bronco went away, but now it's back.

Bronco went away. Bronco never went away. It did. It stopped making it for a little bit, right? It did, yeah. Oh, that's right. I feel like that press. I think about the Restomods and shit.

People always bought Broncos. I love a Bronco. You know who had the dopest Bronco? O.J. Simpson. O.J. Simpson. Definitely O.J. Simpson. Didn't Mark Curry have a Bronco? That got

I think Mark Curry Had a Bronco that a fucking tree fell on it Mark Curry's a car guy Curry Underwood Mark Curry's Bronco He had this dope resto mod Bronco That he had tricked out And he sprang to the comedy store.

What happened? A tree fell on it? A tree fell on his fucking truck, man. He got it in 1995 and it got destroyed by fucking nature. And not only that, he kept it and updated it and tricked it out. It was nice. Damn. He's got insurance for a tree?

Not to God, no. That's how they get out of it. I don't know. That's what I was going to ask earlier. Do you think they had to change art insurance now that people are gluing themselves to walls and shit? Ooh. That's the deal.

Because they're throwing soup at paintings. You have to make sure that that painting is fucking protected. I get fucking soup on our paintings. What if they don't know any better and they throw something that eats through whatever the protective layer is and actually destroys the painting. I think it's wild in museums that it's not just behind glass. Crazy. You can just walk up and touch it

like every piece. But they've had that for fucking centuries and these animals never glued themselves to the walls. Animals. People are so crazy. They're dumb. We are going to stop. She was so posh too. Those girls that were on Patrick, Pat, David They were so posh

Do it at the fucking Tonight Show Do it at the Tonight Show Well it's called Progresso We're talking about them It does work I don't see much on the internet that makes me actually angry That makes me Like when I see those fucking dorks throw shit on a painting

It actually makes me angry But you're not going to help the environment after. Me? Oh, I'll make some adjustments. It's like, aw. I'll make some adjustments. They aggravate art insurers' climate headache. It's a climp.

Yeah. They all. Yeah, man. You can't. These people, they just think it's okay to ruin art. They have glass on every painting, though, I think. But what they have. I think those two have ever hooked up.

Yeah. Oh, there's some scissoring happening. Maybe. But the thing is, that's such a dumb thing to attack. They need another Vietnam. Why would you attack art? Why don't you just glue yourself to a fucking whatever? A power station.

Would you have them on? Why are you gluing yourself? No. No. I don't want to push that. Kids that did that? Come on, man. That's silly.

They think they're helping the world. Their frontal lobe is fully formed. They couldn't do what we do. Right, fellas? What's the organization? They couldn't do anything like this. They couldn't do shrooms and get drunk? Not on this amount of shrooms.

Well, they'll be doing OnlyFans soon. What percentage of the population will be on OnlyFans by the time 2040 rolls? Definitely not. I'm waiting for Greta Thunberg. Why are you such a pussy with weed? I don't like it. Why are you such a pussy? Bro, if we're doing a show, there's zero chance.

You know what I don't like? What? Cold, cold water, but I get it anywhere. Oh. It's good for you. I don't get it in fucking cold water either. It's good for you. What the fuck?

That too. I also avoid that. Dude, you should do it. Just do it for like 10 seconds. You get out, you feel you. What the fuck? That too. I also avoid that. Dude, you should do it. Just do it for like 10 seconds. You get out, you feel amazing. I like it. I agree. 10 seconds.

I agree. But weed's not 10 seconds. Weed's fucking seven hours and I had a terrible set. Weed will fuck you up on stage. All these drugs. Do it after you're done with your thing. And it's mental. It hurts your brain.

Yeah, man. Do it this way. Makes you sad thing. And it's mental. It hurts your brain. Yeah, man. Do it this way. Makes you sad. You start thinking about the negatives. No, you don't. I do. Yeah. That's what you do?

You just switch up. Whatever you're on, go to the other side. No, I think it affects different people different ways, man. Oh, for sure. Yeah. I like substances. Yeah. I love substances.

Clearly. I don't like that one. Yeah. No, I get it. I tried them all. Neither does stand-up. Me and stand- that one. Yeah. No, I get it. Neither does Stan. I tried them all. Neither does Stan. Me and Stan always used to joke around with each other about that. He's like, just get blackout.

You're like, I'm not going to smoke this. Just blackout drunk. He just doesn't like that feeling like, ah, which I like. I like that. He's like, ah, life is fucking crazy. I like that feeling. I like that feeling of paranoia and lack of control. What a nightmare. It's fun. The phone rings. I like that feeling. I like that feeling of like paranoia and control a lot of nightmare That's fun. The phone rings. I'm freaking out. I like it. Hey, well, you know his house burned down. You see that

Seems like it was in the ceiling was it in the seal was like electrical fire What the hell is this? Was it in the seat? Was it like an electrical fire or something? What are you doing, J-Bo? He's a Sobber. That's the Jewish car? I was like, Sobber's a Jewish word. It's a Jewish car.

Look at that. The Sobber, that's pretty fucking badass. I would get that. It's all nose. I stole the Porsche, you fucking cowards. Not really. I wouldn't be seen driving that thing. It's a honker.

That's when you have a monkey driving it and you're in the back. That's actually a cool looking car. That's got a goal. That's a very cool. I changed my mind. That's a cool looking car. Is there a Star of David on that thing? It's hard to see what a car looks like unless you're standing over it. I bet Leno has that. Photos are always weird.

If I was standing next to that car, it'd be so funny. I guarantee you. It's not a Mazda. It's a Mazda. Alright. I'll see you all in hell. Oh, that's cool. Sopra. Not bad, dude. Lady looks like she's having a good time. I dig it. What? It's nice. She's having dude. Lady looks like she's having a good time. I dig it. What? It's nice.

She's having fun. It's a little drafty. We let her drive here. Only part of the region. Look into my hood scoop. Look at the hood scoop. Functional hood scoop? Yes or no?

Hood scoop. Let's get some food, huh? Matzo Miata. Shall we end this? Wait. What were we talking about? We had something I wanted to pull up. We just talked about it.

Fire it up. Fire it up. Fire it up, Jamie. Oh, the house burning down. Oh, yeah, Steno. Steno's house burning down. Was it like a, it was in the ceiling, right? Jamie's got to restart the computer.

He said he ran in, he didn't know what to grab. Was it in the ceiling where the fire broke? He grabbed a cigarette. This is the first I'm hearing about it. He grabbed a pack of cigarettes. Yeah. Oh, I think he burned. Literally made for burning.

Dude, that house. Get the kindling. I lived out there for a month. That house is so fucking funny. You lived in San Jose for a whole month. That's right.

I forgot about that. COVID, right? It was Sam Talent. It was nuts. Sam came out for like a week. That was fun. Sam was there too?

What a fun time. He's a funny guy. I lived there for comic hangs. That's a wild place to live shane gillis it was right there so my house is on fire they still drink 365 degrees Is that viral?

That should be viral. How do you know how many people have watched that? Do you have to have a TikTok account? Is there a number that is viral? 35,000. 35,000 is viral? No, it's just how many views it has. First comic I ever saw live.

Stan Hope? Yeah. Stan Hope's so good. Sean Patton opened. It was a hell of a show. Wow. Damn. Yeah, fun.

And I was like, oh, we can do this? He just got drunk and said crazy shit. Wow. And it was funny. Damn. That's a good show. When I was a new comic in New York and he would come to New York, it was like an event. He would rent out.

He's like, fuck the clubs. Fuck Carolines. I'm going to BB King's or some shit. Me and Nikki Glaser went to see him one night. Let's go across town. Let's go right now. Yeah. It was wild.

Standing room only. Yeah, never use a club. Yeah. All right, look at that. Look at that. From left. They covered up my fucking suit. They covered up my fucking suits. They covered up the fucking suits.

We're going to film today me trying on all the different suits I might wear for New Year's in Vegas. After I thought, what would I take out in a fire? Fuck, my suits. My suits. And then the fire chief,

if you have a tarp, I'll go cover up as best I can Jesus Jesus Bleak over there That's not the happy ending From burning down the house We should have ended the podcast right there

We were good We got to the reality of a drunk guy Walking through his burnt out, fucked up house We'll all be there one day He's got the norm disease Where he wears oversized clothes the reality of a drunk guy walking through his burnt out fucked up house. We'll all be there one day. He's got the norm disease where he wears oversized clothes. Let's look at the comments. The dumbest comments.

Look at that. The like by Shane Gillis. That's my guy. I'm a fan. That's good. Troy Conrad. Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. That's a text.

I'm sorry, Doug. That's good. Troy Conrad. Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. That's a text. I'm sorry. That's great. I fucking love you. I hope everything's safe. All right. Funny guy. Ladies and gentlemen, that brings to a conclusion another Protect Our Parks. We have failed to protect parks.

Protect Our Parks Bitcoin coming next month. Yeah. No. Let's have our own currency. Break people. Oh, wait. We're not going. Yeah. Let's have our own currency break people. Oh, wait. We're not going to plug? Let's do a quick plug.

No one's listening. Wow, we got shows. We got websites. We got tickets. Yeah, if you're listening now, plugs is nice. Plug your shit. What do you got? Jewface on Comedy Central.

Seattle, the Moors just added. Another show in Vancouver. The Beacon is coming. Website. I'm doing The Beacon. RAShafear.com. Hell yeah. The Beacon, I'm doing it in March. You did it. No. I'm doing The Beacon. RAShafeer.com. The Beacon I'm doing in March.

You did it. No, I never did it. Look at this. I'm for Seinfeld there. Look at this. Shows at it. Look at this. Greatest hits. Look at this. Seattle should be up there now. Mark Norman, your plugs, kind sir. MarkNormanComedy.com

We Might Be Drug, Tuesdays with Stories, Out to Lunch on YouTube. All the bullshit all over the road. Patreon. Check it out. Queef it up. Praise Allah. Queef it up. That's the same pose he just did. Shane Gillis.

Go buy Gillian Keeves. Greatest sketch on history. Gillian Keeves. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. There you go. Suck our dicks to alleeves. Yeah. Greatest sketch show in history. Gideon Keeves. That's it. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. There you go. Suck our dicks to all our enemies. Wow. You know what it is.

You know what it is. Yeah. You know it's Hitler. You can't go wrong. Come on. That's comedy. We're having fun. Fucking brilliant times.

Brilliant sketches. All right, you guys. That's it. Bye.