The Joe Rogan Experience - #1926 - Matt McCusker & Shane Gillis

Episode Date: January 14, 2023

Matt McCusker is a comedian, writer, and proud co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast." Shane Gillis is a stand-up comedian and co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast." Also look for "Gilly and Keeves" sketches on YouTube, a new sketch show created by John McKeever and Shane Gillis.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. And we're up. Yes. What's up, boys? What's happening? What's going on? Not much.

I'm all strapped in. You got your paper in front of you, you're ready to go. Yeah, this was just here. Just hit the blunt. You're ready to fucking take some notes, dude. Exactly. You seem like a guy ready to take notes. That's pretty accurate.

Hold you out some notes. Counterpoints. Actually. You'll see some notes. You guys started out together? Yeah. Nice. Lived together.

Nice. I was his best man at his wedding. Oh, shit. He's my guy. Gave a speech. Wow. Gave a speech. His speech was nice.

Concise. Was it good? I was fucked up. Unbelievable. Were you? Unbelievable. I was like. Bud lights? Yeah. How many? I have no idea. A wedding? Dude, you think protect our parks or something? Yeah. It came in abstract. A wedding. I like wet my pants. I was like, oh shit, I gotta give a speech.

I was like, I'll be alright. I'm used to giving speeches. I got up there and I was like, oh shit, I gotta give a speech I was like, I'll be alright I'm used to giving speeches I got up there and I was like Matt's wife, you're crazy Matt, you're fucking nuts This thing might be crazy enough to work, folks That was it, that was the whole speech This thing might be crazy enough to work Isn't it wild that so many people get married

But half of them fail? Yeah You would think that more people would be like Whoa, whoa, whoa Matt's I'm divorced This is my second time around, really I got married relatively young, though people get married, but half of them fail. Yeah. Like, you would think that more people would be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's- I'm divorced. That was my second time around. Oh, really?

I got married relatively young, though. But I think then it's like a practice run. Like, you learn, like, oh, I can fix this. Let me try this again. Yeah. I mean, girlfriends, that was just like, that was like free play mode. It didn't even count. Getting married is fucked up.

Like, you're like, I just, I got married the first time because it was like, I was like, yeah, I'll get married, I guess. That was all I thought. I was like, cool. When you got divorced, was it a big, was it a pain in the ass? Like, was it a big one? I mean, yeah. Or was it fairly?

I mean, it wasn't like, you know, we didn't have kids, so it wasn't like, you know. But did you have to go through financial bullshit? No, I didn't have any money. That's good. Jackpot. Yeah, absolutely nothing. Bro, watching people get drained drained watching like rich dudes get drained And you see them going from not have to worry about anything to like oh shit. Yeah, like how am I gonna cover my bills?

Yeah, I've seen that multiple times man. I've seen guys Just like Leon Edwards in the head divorces. Just like Leon Edwards in the head. Just slap. Get stiffened up. It's a miserable endeavor. It sucks. Even if you're not losing money, it's pretty shitty.

That's when me and Matt met. We started hanging out and then he started getting a divorce and I was right there for it. It was nice. I moved from a marriage into a house of like five comedians. Nice. On an air mattress. Did two years on an air mattress. I moved from a marriage into a house of like five comedians. Oh, nice. I was fucking sick. On an air mattress.

Fucking nice. Did two years on an air mattress. That's nice. My air mattress would deflate, and I'd take it back to Walmart in the box, return it, get a new one. Bro, if my wife ever leaves me, I'm buying a ranch, and I'm inviting everybody to live there. Usually women-

I'm just going to build you some houses. Women do initiate. I'm going to buy a giant chunk of land, and I'll build everybody a house. Let's go. It'd be like Stanhope's, though. There'd be a fire eventually. Yeah, eventually. Yeah, Stanhope's roof, its ceiling caught on fire.

It was in his attic. What was going on up there? It was in his attic. It was an electrical fire. Oh, yeah. Man, this shit happened. And he has a metal roof, so the roof didn't catch fire. Oh, no. Man, this shit happened. And he has like a metal roof, so it didn't, the roof didn't catch fire. Oh, no.

So shit just burned. Is it fixed? Or is it fucked for a while? I doubt it. I think he's fucked for a couple months. Does he still live in there? No. I could see him living there with the big hole in the ceiling.

It would mean nothing to him. Fucking viewed in the sky. It would mean nothing to him. It hardly rains out there anyway. Yeah, but it gets cold at night. It does get cold. It's been a while. It's like near Mexico, but it gets cold as fuck.

The desert's weird. Yeah, I've never been. I want to go. Well, why does it get so cold? Is it not retained heat? The sand. It's probably the sand. Is that what it is?

I don't know. I'm guessing, but I feel like the sand is just fucking- Sand, yeah. Doesn't do shit. Didn't Francis Ngannou have a very similar story about crossing the Sahara? When he crossed the Sahara, didn't he say it was really fucking cold at night? Yeah, it's freezing. What?

I don't get it. It's like sand doesn't retain heat. Is that what it is? It doesn't hold the heat? Water just passes through. It's fucking bullshit, actually. Bullshit. It doesn't do a goddamn thing.

You know what's hot? It's hot as fuck and cold as fuck. What's that? Lack of humidity. Lack of humidity. Ah, that makes sense. You know, the Sahara Desert used to be a fucking rainforest. Really?

Yeah. That's like the normal path of things. We look at stuff through such a narrow window that we think, oh, the desert's the desert. The jungle's the jungle. But there's a natural path that goes back and forth between things becoming like rainforest and jungle and then things becoming sand. We talking about the ice caps too? How apparently that was lush? Someone told me that used to be lush forests that became it. We're in an ice age right now technically, is that correct?

I don't think so. I heard if they heard if we have polar ice caps that's technically an ice age, but I could be wrong. My cousin told me that. Oh, your cousin might be on Reddit. His cousin definitely on Reddit. He might just go through our conspiracy. Your cousin might be on Reddit. His cousin definitely on Reddit. He's definitely on Reddit. My cousin was reassuring me. He's like, dude, the ice caps will fully melt, and it'll just be lush, and we'll all move up there. You know, hundreds of years. Well, if global warming does keep accelerating, that's what everybody—the people that have the most optimistic view of it,

they say all the places that are wicked cold, we'll just move into those. I was listening to that. That guy, he was talking about how, like, the Midwest, like, Minnesota that are wicked cold, we'll just move into those. I was listening to that. That guy, he was talking about how the Midwest, like Minnesota and shit. Like Canada. Yeah, it's going to get a lot warmer. I'm going to recross the Bering Strait. You got to get back. I think it's the opposite, though. It's going to get more water.

You're looking at it wrong. So I get my time on the phone. If an ice age happens, then you can make that walk. I need that. That was my favorite Jones. He was like, fuck global warming. Ice caps are growing. And everyone was like, shut the fuck up. And then one quick Google, you're like, god damn it, he's right.

They're growing? Antarctica is. So Leonardo DiCaprio is wrong? Leonardo DiCaprio can get fucked. He talked to the scientists. All these fucking scientists, even the scientists don't agree. Because there's a mass group of scientists that will tell you, and this is undeniable, that human beings have had a big impact on carbon emissions. But you know that volcano that just erupted?

Where did that volcano just erupt? I mean, Iceland had a big one. There's one that just cracked. Oh, recently? Some guy put this. I would like to find out if this is true. Some guy put this on Twitter that there was more CO2 released from that one volcano erupting than everything human beings have ever done. Really?

I don't know if it's true. Sounds amazing, though. I like it. I've heard math in the parts per million. Shut down some cucks with that kind of talk. Yeah, I like it. I'll be at the cellar trying to dish that out. They'll be like, where did you find that?

I'll be like, don't worry like it. I'll be at the cellar trying to dish that out. They'll be like, where did you find that? I'll be like, don't worry about it. See, people worry about all kinds of things, but supervolcanoes is what you really should worry about. They've knocked humanity down to just a few thousand people in the past. Really? Yeah, 70,000 years ago. We've talked about it before. I think it's called the Toba. Is that what it is?

The Toba volcano? It's a supervolcano. I think it's near Indonesia. Fact check, volcanoes do not produce more CO2 emissions than human activity. Reuters is on your ass, dude. Yeah. They probably typed that up in real time. So this was June 8th of 2022.

So this was one they were talking. God, I wish I saved it. It was one of those things I was looking on Twitter. I'm like, wow, better Google that later. That one little burp by Mount Etna. But put more than 10 times the CO2 in the atmosphere than mankind has in our entire time on Earth. Don't worry about a scam is in the works to tax your minuscule footprint. Oh, this is a meme that someone put out? Yeah.

I didn't see a meme. I saw someone's tweet. They might have stole the meme and tried to be clever. Or the meme might have come from this guy's tweet as well. Same allegation has been shared here in 2016. An iteration posted on Twitter June 2nd. It was retweeted nearly 9,000 times. Yeah.

It might all be horse shit. Yeah, I mean, but my thing is- That's a lot, though. That looks like a lot of stuff. That looks like a lot of stuff. It's a big-ass cloud. I'd say that's 40% CO2 if I had it on my island. Yeah, if I had just one glance at it.

It's just funny to be like, nah, the Earth's not warming up. Does anyone know the temperature of the entire Earth? Both people are silly. The people with limited research that say it's nothing to worry about and the people with limited research that say we're all going to die. Both people are silly. The ones that make the most sense to me, I had a guy named Steve Koonin on the podcast.

He's a physicist who got into, that's what he is, right? Koonin? Yes, I think so. who got into, that's what he is, right? Koonin? Yes, I think so. And he, I forget how he was tasked with going about looking into climate change, but what he found was that the periods of ups and downs have always existed. Like this idea that the Earth has ever been at a stable temperature that stays like this,

that's just not the case. It goes up and it goes down. And it seems like it's always done that forever. And it varies wildly. Like they have these big giant spikes up and down. But this is over thousands and thousands of years, right? Maybe millions of years where they're predicting like how long. But for sure, we're having an impact.

But the question is, how much impact? What is the difference? And would it be happening anyway? Would it be warming up anyway? If we didn't do anything to fuck up the environment, then we could look at the environment for what it is. We could say, oh, look, it looks like it's warming up. Well, we know we're not doing anything about that. Yeah.

If we had no impact. But we know we're not doing anything about that. Yeah. If we had no impact. But we know we have an impact. Yeah, but the thing no one thinks about is we were like, we escaped from nature in like a blind rush out of just being constantly destroyed by like floods and eaten by predators. And we set up this whole system so we can like eat and not all die. Yeah. Everyone's like, fuck this. And it's like, I mean, we can definitely tweak it to be better, but Jesus Christ, man. Yeah.

A little bit of appreciation. A little bit of appreciation of what we've done. It's amazing what people have done, but yeah, for sure, we could do a lot of the shit better. Dude, like plastic bags, they could figure out different technology for something that doesn't sit in the ocean. Well, they can make biodegradable plastic now. Why don't they? That's my thing. That's a practical thing.

Plastics, as they are now, I think most of them are just made with fossil fuels, right? Yeah. Most plastics. But I know they're putting out biodegradable plastics that are made from plant. You can actually make plastic from hemp, believe it or not. Really? Yeah, it was wild. I read that.

I was like, what? I don't like it. I got to bring my own bags to my grocery store, and I forget them every time. So then I buy one. Now I've got a whole fucking, I've got piles of bags in my apartment. Get a stick with a bandana. I might, dude. Get some beans, dude.

It is a good move. Send my girlfriend out for beans. It is a good move that they just don't just give away bags anymore. Even though it's real convenient, it's probably better if you bring a bag. It is. You know? But who's going to remember that? Nobody.

But we've never- I walk outside my front door and go, fuck, I forgot a bag. But isn't that a thing that we can adjust to? We'll adjust to it, yeah. Yeah. It depends on if you're a walking apartment person versus someone who drives. Yeah. Like if you're driving to the supermarket, it makes sense to just leave a bag in your

trunk. Yeah. But if you're a walking person in an apartment and you're in the city and you forget a bag, that's annoying. Or just do paper bags and burn them. Yeah, but then you kill the trees. What about the emissions? No, they disappear. What about the emissions, bro?

It goes up in the air. Oh, it goes away? It goes straight through. It's space. It goes out of space. I don't know what these fucking pussies are talking about, dude. Overwarming is fucking not real. I'm sick of it. I had Rand know what these fucking pussies are talking about, dude. Global warming is fucking not real. I'm sick of it. I had Randall

Carlson on my podcast. He's an expert in collisions. Like cosmic collisions on Earth. And he said, he goes, global warming is not good. He goes, but what's really bad is global cooling. He goes, global cooling is terrifying. Ice

ages, that's where everybody dies yeah that's where there's no food that's where you're fucking starving to death dude how do we make it how do we make it through the ice age how do well you have to move you you moved you know okay or the hardiest of hardy people they hunted and gathered like the Inuit there They they basically can't grow any vegetables what a fucking bullshit life What a scary life in a fucking ice cave you live in a nice house covered in animal skins Hopefully you stab something in the next month, and you're just looking for fat. You're just looking for blubber to eat Yeah, that's what your body uses for fuel even imagine how much you could just slide on ice, though. Yeah.

Probably a lot of sliding. That's probably good. And fucking in there. You'd be nasty, dude. Fucking in there? Oh, they're probably getting all the layers. Get in there together. Imagine fucking in an ice house that you made with a fire in the center of it on animal skins of animals you killed, knowing that there's no doctors anywhere.

of animals you killed, knowing that there's no doctors anywhere. So if your woman gets pregnant, you're pulling it out of there in the middle of the tundra with polar bears around your ice house. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. Yeah, but they had no concept of doctors. They had no concept of any of their life. Of course there were people that figured shit out. But I'm saying he wasn't like, fuck, I wish I had a doctor. Dude, if you grow up like that, that's how you live.

Yeah. And people are adaptable as shit. I had this dude on Sunny from Best Ever Food Review yesterday, and he went and lived with these tribal people and hunted with them and ate what they ate. He reviews like exotic foods from all over the world. And like he's like with these tribal people slurping blood out of the carcass of a goat that they just shot. They're slurping it up with their hands. And you can tell he's like barely getting through it on camera.

But it's like that's their normal life. For them, it wasn't gross at all. It was totally normal. This is how you get food. You don't let the blood go to waste. You slurp it out of the body cavity. Damn. I was looking at this.

The endothelial health skills helped them survive through the Ice Age. What? Is that a trap? No, they said, like, they found people with broken bones. I'm not sure exactly how it did it. But since they were in such small tribes, if they lost someone, it would have been catastrophic to the group. So they all had to work to keep everybody alive closer too yeah I mean they probably eventually

figured out how to set an arm and put a stick there and tie it down sitting in a fucking igloo bro they don't always grow back good you know there's a lot of like you got some mangled arms dude there's a lot of like bones they found of people

like that's a hard life. Oh, and then monsters, like tigers. Oh, geez, you're getting shit bit off all the time. I'm thinking more about your cave wife.

Yeah, what kind of wife Before, like, women had words and then you'd get home and they'd just be like, and you'd be like, No words, just No, just no words. And you gotta be like,

I bet they were horny all the time. I bet all they did was just fuck. Just fucking throw spears and go gather food. Yeah, probably. Yeah, the more we're talking about it, the more I'm coming around on this. How sick that shit would have been, dude. They must be so primal, those people.

You don't know where the fuck you are. Like the earliest early people. You're just going to die. People from like 300,000 years ago, whatever a person was back then they must be so horny Yeah, well, that's why they had a little hairy and shit Yeah, looking to fuck and throw spears and smelling off animals Well, that's why I had all those fucked up rituals because they in their world nature like violence They just like put on a pedestal was that was like the coolest thing

That was like the ultimate life force back then just getting squashed But like animals and rocks they would reenact it all the time Could you imagine if you can go back and get like one of them Neanderthal dudes and like enter into a wrestling tournament? He was like the ultimate life force back then, just getting squashed by animals and rocks. They would reenact it all the time. Could you imagine if you can go back and get one of them Neanderthal dudes and enter him into a wrestling tournament? I'll just teach him a few moves. He'd bite right away. He'd bite.

First guy to grab me. He was a beast. But a Neanderthal is probably so much stronger than people. Their bones are different. They're built different. They're like 5'7", 200 plus pounds. They're built like chimps. Like big, powerful chimps.

You'd have to put them down, dude. You can't have them out here. Do you think that they fucked us or we fucked them? We seduced them. I think we seduced them for sure. Imagine me laying ining in wait dude One of those guys came by Plus back then

Like having a A powerful woman Would be very attractive Cause then you'd have Kids that could survive Yeah Your gene pool Your gene line

Would keep going on Yeah Going for China You want one night in China You want China the wrestler You want a bulky ass bitch She was probably the hottest dude Yeah, going for China one night in China She was probably the hottest dude China would have been a dude I did fear factor with China and after she won you went after she completed one the stunts she got out and like Full flexed and goes who's the man? She said who's the man? Yeah, I guess it's just what you say. Yeah. She had a wild voice.

Big lady. She did. How tall was she? I don't know. But when women take steroids like that, they develop a male midget's voice. She's like, is that me? Didn't Xbox take her down? You shouldn't say midget, so.

Yeah, look at this. Coolio was on it. Coolio won it. Damn. There she is midget, so. Yeah, look at this. Midget. Julio was on it. Nice. Julio won it. Damn. Ruggies, ruggies. There she is. Damn, dude. Dude.

Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff. Hasselhoff's thinking about it. Dude, this squad is nuts, dude. The thing is- Julio, Hasselhoff. Three of them are dead. Yeah, dude.

Three of those people on that tour are dead. That might be a cursed episode, dude. Oh, my God. What did Chyna die of? Kelly Preston died, China died, and Coolio died. What took China out? That's a good question. I don't know.

Pile driver. Kane broke into her house. She did porn for a while. Oh yeah, it was one night in China. That was her porn? Oh, that was the name of it. Wasn't it X-Pac? You fucking love X-Pac. Who's X-Pac? You fucking love X-Pac. Who's X-Pac?

The wrestler. D-Generation X. This is like my favorite story. Matt told me this story. He was like, dude, I saw X-Pac once. He was in an airport. Dude, I was like 12. I was like, yo, X-Pac, what's up?

I gave him the socket. I was like, X-Pac, I gave him the socket. He didn't even look at me. I was like, dude, every dude looks like X-Pac. No, it wasn't him. A lot of dudes look like X-Pac. He saw a guy that looked like that in the airport. I was like, dude, every dude looks like X-Pac. No, it wasn't him. Yeah, a lot of dudes look like X-Pac. He saw a guy that looked like that in the airport and was like, X-Pac. I know five guys that look like that.

Every dude looks like this. Just from jujitsu class. You know, I was 12. He had a cut-sleeve denim vest. Bro, if you live in a Mexican neighborhood, you see that dude every day. You see that dude every day. Young Pac. Xbox does rule, though.

The Bronco Buster? I did not think it was gay. Not at all. There was not one part of me that thought it was gay. What's the Bronco Buster? The guy gets put in the turnbuckle, and he's, like, sitting. Xbox jumps and puts his dick in his face. That's it.

That's his closer. That's a good closer. It is pretty safe. That's pretty solid. He gets up and says, suck my dick. That's amazing. So this is what he does? There it is. He's his closer. That's a good closer. It is pretty safe. That's pretty solid. He gets up and says, suck my dick. That's amazing. So this is what he does? There it is, dude.

He's getting ready. Actually. This guy's got his girl sitting on his lap, and she's nodding like, yeah, fuck his face. He's going to assault this man. Fuck, dude. This was the Ice Age. This was the Ice Age. That is insane.

Suck it. That is insane. That's his finishing move? See, Triple H is like- Imagine your finishing move. Hell yeah. Imagine pitching that in a meeting. Vince, here's my plan.

I'm going to lay a dude against the turnbuckle. I'm going to fuck his face. And then I'm going to do like this here. Suck it. Genius. Xbox, you've done it again. What do you think about the Saudis buying the WWE? The rumor. The unsubstantiated rumor

that the Saudis are buying WWE? You met LeMaire. He's an autistic man. He loves WWE, and he's not happy about it. Yeah, he was very mad last night in the green room. He's upset at why? All him and Tony would do was talk about it last night in the green room. Oh, Tony likes wrestling.

Dude, they were very upset. Are they going to let the wrestlers hit women and shit? Well, that's the thing. They're saying they might not. Their conspiracy is no women. They're going to let the wrestlers hit women and shit? Well, that's the thing. They're saying they might not. Their conspiracy is no women. They're going to be able to bulldog all of

them. It's going to be attitude, Aaron, again. They'll be pulling women out of cars. Dude, they're going to 3D May off the fucking jumbo truck.

Remember they did that? They're going to bring him in to do that on chicks. There was an old woman in the WWF and these two dudes, you remember

the Dudley? Wasn't it Dudley? Dudley Twins, yeah. Dude, they tossed an 80-year-old woman off the...F and these two dudes, you remember the Dudley? Wasn't it Dudley Twins? Dudley Twins, yeah. Dude, they tossed an 80-year-old woman off the... Jamie. I'm like, I'm on it. What did they do? Have you seen it?

Toss her off the terminal? You'll see. No, no. This is Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia saw this and was like, we're in. We're very interested. Oh, no. She's got a neck brace on.

This is a long bit, so I'll kind of zoom ahead, but... There's the mayor. There's the mayor. Yes. They brought her out, so she'll kind of zoom ahead. There's the mayor. There's a match. They brought her out. So she's standing up there watching. Oh my god. And she's yelling and screaming. And so they roll her. The Dudley boys.

The Dudley boys are so nice. Bubba Ray Dudley. What are they going to do to this old lady? I think she's on a powerbomb. Oh, he's trying to push her down the ramp. Oh, no, dude. I wouldn't do that.

Dude, this is the arena. Spill her blood. This is hilarious. Feeder to the lions. This is actually a great... This is a great idea. This is funny. Feeder to the Lions. This is actually a great idea. This is funny. You'll see.

It's really not that funny. Everyone's thought about doing this. No! No! What the fuck, man? What the fuck? He just did a lateral drop on a table. Dude, powerbombing your grandma?

What do they call that? That's a powerbomb, dude. That was a powerbomb through a table. Dude, the fact that your brain carried this for 22 years. This has been in your brain for 22 years. Bro, what kind of damage did it do to that lady's brain? I mean, I don't care what you say. That lady got impact from that.

There was some impact involved in that. Damn. I wonder if there was a nursing home pipeline in the WWE. She's not protected there. Look at her hands. That's a real old lady. Bro, that probably took memories from her. He's talking shit?

Oh, no. That's Mark Henry. He's saying I love you. Are you okay? Are you dead? Dude. They killed an old lady? Jesus Christ.

Okay. That's fun. He's rubbing his head. He's like, I'm going to get this pinned on me. Fuck it. They killed an old lady? Jesus Christ. Okay. That's fun. He's rubbing his head. He's like, I'm going to get this pinned on me. Fuck it. What the fuck, man? I'm getting arrested. Damn, dude.

So yeah, WWE's not afraid to put hands on women, dude. It's coming back. It's coming back. They did get away from it. Now with the Saudis, we might be back to the classics. Putting geezers through tables. It's fucking crazy. That was probably in like Rochester, New York.

Rochester, are you ready for Raw? Yeah. Fuck yeah. Oh my God, that's so nuts. You ever go to one of those? A wrestling? No. Tony's been trying to get me to go to WrestleMania forever.

It's so fun. But now the Saudis bought it, allegedly. Is that real? What's the... No, not yet. Still not real? Damn. Did we Snopes that yesterday?

They were still investigating it. It's going to be cool. If the Saudis get it, there's a chance it gets better. Who owns it? Does Vince McMahon still own it now? Or is he focusing on this? Well, they kicked him out because he got busted with a bunch of floozies. Yeah, he is.

Paying a bunch of ladies with company cash. Who would have thought all that money went to that? Gotta keep people... Look, if you look like that and you're seven years old and you're the head of the WWE, you're slinging dick. What do you want him to do? I'd be more disappointed if he wasn't slinging dick.

If he was a faithful married man. He's a gigantic barbarian man who's like 79 years old and works out with a chain around his neck. Did you ever see how jacked he is? Yeah, he's fucking ridiculous. Show me a picture of Vince McMahon jacked. No, still jacked.

No, I watched him get stunnered at WrestleMania. It's tough, dude. LaMare got me. LaMare was hanging out with me, and he was like, it's WrestleMania today. And I was like, I don't give a fuck. And then he started putting up old highlights to get pumped for the thing and it is I still love stone cold it was look dude look at that dude he's jacked and he's 150,000 from the front dude see him from the side he's got the fucking what does he got he's hunched dude oh my

god dude let him do his thing Obviously, I'm not When he got stunned I'm talking about having to have him talk about his extramarital affairs. Oh You're giving him a hard time about his physique Shane. Really Joe. No, that sounded kind of personal I'm stunned. Yeah, he got stunned. He looks good. He looks good. I think he's 80-something years old.

Well, that's incredible. He looks better than Schwarzenegger. How old is he? Let's guess. 77. I say he's... You just saw it. I didn't see it.

Did it come up? I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I say he's 80 years old. Review the tape. I didn't even see it. What's the... You're saying he...

He said he looks like shit. No, he was, because back like 10 years ago, he was like yoked to cover a fucking men's health. Back when he was 70. Back when he was 70. And I thought that was going to be the same guy that came out in WrestleMania. And now you can see its age. You can see its wearing on him. Let me see.

He got stunned and it was, he couldn't even. You're saying he recovered from the stunner. He got stunned and couldn't go down. He hated Stone Cold bro Stone Cold stole his youth But Jamie how old is he? 77 Yeah you got it right

How old is it? 77 77 Yes he looks great Bro He looks fucking great for 77 77 you're supposed to be a dead man

You're not supposed to be pro wrestling He would whoop my ass Obviously he would beat my ass Dude he'd slap me Bro he's older than my mom Look at this Jesus Boom Not a lot of fucking hip behind that ass. Obviously he would beat my ass. Dude, slap me. Bro, he's older than my mom. Look at this. Boom. Jesus.

Not a lot of fucking hip behind that. Not much going on. I'm telling you. He threw him into the turnbuckle. Pat McAfee goes down. McAfee goes hard on this. He sells it very well for him. What are you saying? This isn't real? No, no, no, no. What the fuck are you saying, Jamie? When we saw him, he was in a neck brace. He just got him thrown through a table. McAfee? Yeah. Yeah, don't do no, no. What the fuck are you saying, Jay? When we saw him, he was in a neck brace.

He just got thrown through a table. McAfee? Yeah. Yeah, don't do that, kids. Those guys get busted up more than anybody. When I've had those pro wrestlers in here, like Diamond Dallas Page, his body had been through fucking hell. That's why he invented that yoga.

He's got his own yoga system, and he's helped all these wrestlers that are all fucked up completely rehabilitate their body and get their motion back. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. It's like a hardcore yoga. The dude's in incredible shape, man. I haven't seen him.

He can stand up, grab his foot, and do a split. I remember DDP. He ruled. And he's in his 60s. Grab his foot, standing up right now, no warmup, and he holds it up like a split. Not bullshitting. Really? Yeah, he did it his 60s. Grab his foot standing up right now. No warm up. And he holds it up like in a split. Not bullshitting. Really?

Yeah, he did it in my studio. That's weird. I was like, that's insane. That's weird. He was showing me some of his exercises. I was like, what the fuck, dad? Guy's in amazing shape. And his back is fucked. Like, technically, he should need surgery.

Like, it's all bone on bone and shit. But he does that yoga routine every day and it keeps him healthy and mobile and he's not in pain. He's so flexible. It's like, how did you do this? When you see him move around, you're like, you're a pro wrestler and look at you. He hit Beetlejuice with a

guitar. Did he? Beetlejuice from the Howard Stewart show? He hit it with a guitar? He smashed him with a guitar. Now he's doing yoga. What a world. Oh, my God. I guess if you're dedicated every day to yoga, you'd probably help your body.

I think those guys, if you're that busted up, you kind of have to do something every day. Otherwise, you're not going to be mobile. Like, you really have to fix. If you just start eating pain pills, which a lot of them do, that's a dark road. And that means you've got to think about how many times a year those guys were on the road. You know, I talked to Jake the Snake, and he was explaining, like, his evolution in the game

and how long it took him and all the road gigs and shit. And he's like, dude, those guys were doing 300 nights a year. Yeah, every day. Every day they're smashing into each other and slamming each other and fucking, and some of them, they don't like each other, so they want to hit each other hard. I can only imagine the feuds going, like the real feuds going on. Oh, dude. I was just talking to somebody about it.

Seriously, fuck you, brother. I'm not a fuck dude. No, they're all fucking, especially back then, roided out, lifting every day, drinking every day, fighting every day. They were for like five straight years. Was it Jake the Snake or was it The Undertaker that had the broken eye sockets? Was it The Undertaker? Yeah.

Weren't there like five Undertakers? He had a special mask he had to wear for a while. He shattered his fucking eye socket in the middle of a match. This Mexican dude landed on his face. His move, instead of fucking your face, he would drop his butt on your face. So he drops his butt on, who was it? It was like a famous guy. Mysterio?

No. No? Giant guy. That's crazy. This dude landed his butt on his face and broke his eye socket. And so he's like, ah! And he's got to finish the match. He's got to finish this match with a broken eye socket.

Is that why his eyes started going up when he goes all the time? Well, he actually said he ran into a clothesline. I'm reading a quote from him. Oh, he ran into a clothesline. It was that guy, Mabel. Okay. I thought the guy landed on his face. Didn't you think so?

He says he was 6'8", 500 pounds. I ran straight into what was supposed to be a clothesline, but he was so gassed, and I ended up hitting a spot in his arm. Actually, Jamie, I think he broke his eye socket twice. I think, if I remember correctly, he broke both eye sockets. Well, this is him. Jesus. According to this, it says this is what he said on the Joe Rogan experience.

Oh. Yeah. Both eye sockets. Yeah. See, that's right One was because the guy was completely out of shape A lot of similarities The other one I think was the butt to the face

I think he's saying he broke both Because we showed another one that he did Where the guy wasn't as big Who landed on his face I might be remembering this wrong I have a very limited memory for pro wrestling I watch it and go yeah yeah, that's great. They threw the grandma to the table.

Threw the grandma to the table was pretty awesome. I'll delete that by the end of the week. By the end of the week, I'll have no knowledge that that happened. You'll never forget. You'll have dreams about it. Dude, I remember. You're right. You're right.

Rey Mysterio did hit him in that costume dance. There you go. Yeah. Okay. So it was Mysterio. And he landed with his butt on his face. See if you can find it. Rey Mysterio is super small. That's not the butt face. He he landed with the Hurricane Rana. I think he landed with his butt on his face. Ray Mysterio is super small.

That's not the butt face. He got hit in the face by him, I think. But Ray Mysterio would be hopping around like that. You say he's super small. Yeah. That's bony butt. I think he landed on his face. Oh, dude. I think that's the reason why he got him that way, because he landed with his butt on his face.

The dead man. The dead man. That's so nice. He landed on Undertaker's head. He mistimed a top rope nice. The rope landed on the Undertaker's head. He mistimed a top rope senton. Imagine waiting for that. And landed on the Undertaker's head. Yeah, he landed on his head with his butt. Yeah, he mistimed the move and landed on his face and broke his face.

Dude, imagine looking forward to that all day. That guy's going to put a jump on your face with his ass. You know that's coming. You're like, fuck, dude. Oh, but the other guy, fuck in your face. Fuck in your face. And you have to lay there like you're alcohol. You have to in front of an arena. coming. You're like, fuck, dude. Oh, but the other guy, fuck in your face. Fuck in your face, and you have to lay there like you're

alcohol. In front of an arena. And this dude's just bang, bang, bang, and then suck it right in front of you. That's your job. Remember the wrestlers that never won? There'd be like Kevin. Kevin would come out and just get smashed every time. That's what I mean. That dude has to sit there and get his face fucked. The whole crowd's like,

you're a fucking gay pussy. And then you got to go back. Everyone's like, the guy who fucked you is awesome. You're probably going to sit in a locker room. They're like, nice work, dude. That's what's so weird about wrestling. How enthusiastic people get. Yeah.

It's fucking crazy. It's crazy. They get so fucking angry at the bad guy. It's crazy. They fire him up. Those bad guys will come out and be like, Delaware, what a bunch of fucking retards are you? And they're all just like, no. Do you ever watch the Iron Coffin?

They'd have Arab dudes come out and be like, America fucking sucks ass. And these dudes are like, take that the fuck back. Wasn't that the Iron Sheik? Yeah, Iron Sheik. They had dudes come out for everything. There was Russians. They have everybody. Back in the day, The Rock was part of Nation of Domination.

They were like black African extremists that would come out and be like, in front of all the white people. They were like, no, no. Did you ever watch the Andy Kaufman films? Yes. When he was doing pro wrestling? That was crazy. The fact that he decided that that. When he was doing pro wrestling? That was crazy. The fact that he decided that that was what he was going to do.

There you are. Bring that down to South Carolina. I think the CIA assassinated three of them, actually. Two of them were FBI informants. Jamie, see if you can find some of the Andy Kaufman. The rock was a snitch. He snitched on Farouk. He told me, we're making a movie star.

Just got to give up your brothers. You got to snitch on Farouk. He did it. He put a bomb in Farouk He told me We're making a movie star Just gotta give up your brothers You gotta snitch on Farouk He did it He put a bomb in Farouk's house Imagine if it turns out The Rock's working for the FBI The whole time How could he not be?

Yeah at this point How could he not be? How do you think they made So many Jumanjis dude? Yeah it's fucking Intelligence written all over it dude That's Mockingbird bro Jumanji's Mockingbird

Jumanji was a fun movie man How dare you Jumanji's Dude waitbird. Jumanji was a fun movie, man. How dare you? Jumanji's. Wait, the first one? Hit the record. Hit the record. Wait, the Robin Williams one was incredible. No, I went to see the rock one with my kids.

I loved it. With kids, maybe, dude. Check the record. I praised Jumanji. I had a rock one. I praised Jumanji. You liked Jumanji? Yeah, you guys have kids.

It's a good movie. I watched it before. I was in Boston by myself. I was doing comedy. I had to kill a good movie. I watched it before. I was in Boston by myself. I was doing comedy. I had to kill a whole day. I had nowhere to stay. I went to a Panera Bread by myself. I had never drank coffee before in my life.

I was like 30. I never drank coffee. I was chugging cold brews all day. I didn't know it would give you a panic attack. And then I went and saw Jumanji by myself at like 2.30 p.m. Oh my God. And I was in there just like, holy shit, dude, I'm a fucking moron. I saw Jumanji by myself.

I feel bad. And then I called Matt and I was like, man, I want to quit comedy, dude. I'm so fucking sad. I've been in a Panera for four hours drinking iced coffees in a booth by myself. Ten hours. Oh no. I spent a whole day in a Panera for four hours drinking coffee I spent a whole day in a Panera. I had no money dude. Yeah, it's zero dollars Why so you were 30 Jumanji? Yeah, you gave me so many fire movie recommends And finally I came out at Jumanji like Shane's gonna like this and he gave him a panic attack. I was like fuck my bad, dude Fucked me up. How crazy was in there by myself watching Jumanji just...

Dude. It's like, this is for real a low point. This is like a fucked up thing. Dude, I... I'm an adult. It was a weekday. 2 p.m. in Boston. That is a weird thing.

That was before... Yeah, that was like... This could capsize. My whole life could capsize. My life was capsized. I was swimming. True, true. Dude, my ex-girlfriend gave me her old laptop, so I had like a Chromebook that was like a $90 Chromebook.

Your laptop was bad. I was by myself. I would find websites that had old games. I was playing like SimCity 98. Chugging Colbert. Dude, this is fucked up. That's what I'm saying. I was like, oh, there's a movie theater in the parking lot.

I'll go see whatever they have. Jumanji at 2.30. I'm in. Yeah, those days on the road in the early days, they can be, they feel weird. It was really sad. And also if you're working with people you don't like, like you show up in a town and the middle's a douche. Dude, remember, I went with him to Florida.

He got booked to go to Florida. And he was like, I was like, I'll just come with you. And I'm like, host. And you were booked to feature. like, I'll just come with you. And I was like, host. And you were booked to feature. Yeah, we did a whole Southern tour. A whole Southern tour. He brought me. I don't think anyone wanted me there at all.

He brought me there. I forgot underwear first. I didn't pack underwear. I had no undies the whole time. I was a feature. And I was like, I got a guy I'm bringing. That's crazy. That's hilarious.

The headliner stole his jokes. Yeah. What? The headliner was a guitar guy. And Shane would go up. I was- I was bombing constantly, and Shane would go up, he was doing well, and the headliner started just like, he was bombing on a guitar, then he'd start doing callbacks to Shane's bits. He did the whole- And then, he started just incorporating them into- it was the craziest shit.

Did my act. By the last couple shows, he was just stealing the thing. It was crazy, dude. Whaaa- But it was when I was new, so I was like, that's cool. Yeah. You know, I was new enough to be like, at least, you know, he sang, that was good. Whoa. But it was when I was new, so I was like, that's cool. Yeah. You know, I was new enough to be like, at least, you know, he's saying that was good. True. But that was, dude, it was me and him and the headliner in a comedy condo in South Carolina.

We just fucked with this dude. He sucked so fucking bad, dude. We were in a back green room, and there was like a plastic, you know the plastic's supposed to look like crystal? Yeah. It was like plastic, like table stuff with lunch meat, and this guy's just crushing baloney, being like, guys, I'm on the road all the time, I can get pussy any time I want. We're like, okay, dude.

You got it right? He was like, man, if I was your guy's age, if I was single, you guys, I'd be getting pussy too. I could go out there and get pussy if I wanted, but I'm not gonna. He was standing, eating lunch meat on a tray in a club in South Carolina. It was a guitar act. Yeah, we're in like a closet, like a Mexican bowling alley. He's like, dude, I can clean up out there, dude.

You guys have no idea. And we're like, dude. Oh, gosh. Pretty sure you were just crying when we came in here. He was absolutely. That was a fun fucking trip. Dude, that was so fun. It was so fun.

Me and him were young and just bullying a headliner just fully like oh Is that what you said? Those weird headliners that you know like no one knows who they are But they get kind of headline and they go to some places. They've been doing it way too long Yes, they can achieve this very high level of toxic bitterness It's it's it. Yeah, you're around them, then they have a couple beers, and they start looking at you sideways. Dude.

And they try to, they're like, oh, dude, that was the guy. He was like, oh, you guys are doing a podcast. I guess we'll see, huh? Don't waste your time. Fucking dickhead, dude. Yeah, that was very funny. He was, yeah, he was just a big guy. What year was this?

Fuck, man. 16, 15. dude yeah that was very funny he was yeah he was just a bit what year was this fuck man 16 15 but in his defense back then how many podcasts were there i don't know i think people had already figured out that you could make money off of yeah by 15 yeah there was enough he just was saying like every comedian does it trust me i tried it it didn't work it's not gonna work for you guys I think the markets oversaturated now but I still think people should do it like if I was in a new comic like if you're a new comic starting out now you should do a podcast yeah and if no one's gonna listen just keep doing it just do it and keep doing it and it'll grow but there's so many of them now yeah like trying to get an audience now it's so much harder than it was five years yeah six years i feel like if you're actively trying to get an audience it comes you have to just talk like i talk to myself when i drive anyway i'll just

talk and like damn i should have it's so fucking good you talk out loud yeah i talk out loud i'm good i talk to myself, dude. While I'm driving, I talk to myself all the time. My kid will be in the backseat and I'll be talking to myself and turn around and be like, ha ha ha. I can't stop.

You like that one? I can't stop casting. You're casting, dude. That's your thing always is talking to yourself? Sometimes. I'll just talk. I don't realize I'm doing it.

I'll be thinking and I'll just start talking. Jesus Christ, if I recorded what I was saying in a car. Classified. Be a quick pocket. I don't think I've ever

talked to myself in the car. Really? I don't think so. It's good. It's fun. I'm going to try it. Like talking out loud? Yeah, just talking to yourself.

It'd be a good way to do a podcast. That's fucking crazy. If you had a Tesla, especially if you have a quiet car, you could set up a camera and just do a podcast while you're driving. had a Tesla Especially if you have A quiet car You could like set up A camera And just do a podcast

While you're driving Dude I'm telling you You access Bill Bird did stuff like that But it was like More like him driving around Like god Look at this fucking guy

Yeah he was giving a tour That was good Yeah those were good You give tours of like Towns and shit You driving and just talking Must be Talking

For real terrifying Fleshing out the ideas Well that's the way a lot of guys come up with material. That's how Dylan does it. He comes up with so much material because he's podcasting all the time. He's ranting about things and some of them you can keep.

Some of them are genuinely good ideas. 2%, I would say. If you fucking sling 10 around, you get pick up too. That's pretty good. I was trying the ones we worked. You and me workshopped a couple jokes this week. If you fucking sling 10 around, you get pick up two. That's pretty good. That's pretty nice. I was trying the ones we worked. You and me workshopped a couple jokes this week.

Oh, yeah. The seller did not like them. Good. The seller wasn't that excited about it. Because I couldn't word it. I don't know how to word that. How many sets did you do down there? It was like five or six a night.

And so each set, the audience was similar? I probably tried it twice and then scrapped it. Because I was talking to, me and Matt did a podcast that day and we were talking about if there was like a parent sex, like pride parade. Like if you're, see, it doesn't work. If your parents flaunted their sexuality. The way gay people do it, the pride parade. Like if it was your dad and your mom on a float.

Even a gay guy would be like ew And then I was trying to say like that's look. I'm happy you guys are doing it, but that's how we feel we're like ew I'm glad you're doing it, but gross dude and uh didn't work Yeah, it didn't work. I mean it's funny. I see what you're saying. Yeah. It's a fair point. It's a good point. I mean, again, do what you want to do. The dog general worked. Did it?

I might be on to something there. The dog general? That fucking dude that retired in the military with a dog mask? I don't even know if it's real. What? This guy from the military retired, and he was wearing a fucking leather dog mask in his uniform, like in front of the flag. What? It might be fake. I might have

got tricked, but either way. They were using it on Twitter. He was like, Commander Bow Wow's retiring. Arf, arf. That was the end of it. But they were using it on Twitter. They were trying to make fun of the U.S. military. They were like, here's China's military. Here's Russia's military. It's like skinheads

that are like, and then it was, here's ours. It's a bunch of trans people and the dog guy and the joke is For real that's absolutely more terrifying like that's a truly scary military that we had a furry with fucking missiles behind them Yeah, that's like an actual lunatic. That's a problem if it's real. It's probably not real, but I like my number real dude There's footage. There's footage It's probably not real, but I like my number real dude. There's footage. There's footage There's footage that's come out of this war that is different than any footage of any war that I've ever seen because it's on cell phones Yeah, there's so much cell phone footage from this war planes are flying low over like apartments shit

Yeah, but I'm talking about like one-on-one combat situations with guns Apartments and shit. Yeah, but I'm talking about like one-on-one combat situations with guns. Yeah. Like I've seen a bunch of them now. And one I saw yesterday was this guy was in a gunfight in the woods. So he's hiding behind trees and the trees have like chunks of fucking wood missing from them because a bullet just hit it. I mean, like a fucking movie. Right.

And he runs to these Ukrainian guys that are in a foxhole, and he's got the drop on them. And I don't know what he's saying. Like, he's saying, surrender. And the guy reaches up to grab his gun, and he ices the bolt of him in the head. Down, down, at close range. From three feet away. And you're watching. She's like, holy shit.

Like, this is what they're going through over there. This is this this is the real war This is really what wars have and they're filming it on their cell phones now imagine a furry Well that would be the scariest thing if someone someone had real drone, like those dog drones with guns on them, and they just sent those after people. Yeah, why don't we just send a bunch of robots? We definitely have war robots. Why don't we just be like, yo, here, use our war robots? I guess you can't.

I guess, I don't know. I wonder if the... A friend, I don't know if this is true either. We'll find this out. What was the other thing that we were just trying to find out? Dog General. Dog General. Is that real? Come on, dude.

I support the Dog General. I know Dog General's out there. He's probably listening right now. When my friend was telling me when he served overseas because of the Geneva Convention. That's real. That's not real, bro. That is so photoshopped. That's so the real deal is. That's dog general. That's so photoshopped. That's so real, dude.

They're not gonna let that guy wear a dog mask. The dog general. That's scary, for real. Exactly. They wanna make fun of us for having trans and furries in our military. Good luck fighting those dudes. Maybe that's just what he does during like formal events. In regular times, he's just a straight up killer.

We should bomb other countries and make fun of our trans military members for real yeah fuck that you gonna fuck with us what was the other thing that I was gonna look up we're gonna look

something else up oh um I know what you're talking the uh ah fuck I don't know Jamie I can't believe you're not finding a dog general dude

what was the other question I asked there's a guy with the mask and what was the other one the Ukraine video stuff no no there's something guy with the mask. What was the other one? Ukraine video stuff? No, no. I know what you're talking about.

God damn it. The last thing I had up was Andy Kaufman stuff. No. You're talking about cell phone videos. Yeah, we're all over the place. You're talking about cell phone videos. Russia, Ukraine. You're talking to your colleagues. Oh, sending robots into...

Drone robots. Drone robots. Yeah, he is. That's real. Going to the dogs. That's real? No. the dogs. That's real? No. American conservative.

What are you talking about? Celebrate pup pride. Wait a minute. So this is gay officers only wear these masks? I don't know what this is. Scroll back up. This guy's stealing valor. Scroll all the way up.

It says celebrate pup pride with the armed forces. Gay officers pretend to be canines for sadomasochistic sex games. This is the classic website, theamericanconservative.com. Dude, that's like the Washington Post to me. True. True. This is my mom, though. They're all the same now.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. Okay, so the guy likes to wear a mask. I know, that's the point. And then China and Russia were trying to make fun of us. They were like, look how weird we are. And it's like, bro, our guys will fuck you guys up. There was another thing I wanted to ask, but I forget. But there is one thing.

Someone told me that during the overseas war, because of the Geneva Convention, you aren't allowed to have hollow point bullets in your pistol. You have to have, it's an unfair advantage. Yeah. Really? Yeah. You got to use musket balls? No, you have to use practice rounds that you use at the range.

Is that true? 1899 prohibited use of international warfare bullets that easily expand or flatten the body. What? It is a common misapprehension that a hollow point ammunition is prohibited by the Geneva Convention as the prohibition significantly predates those conventions But they still do implement that though

My friend who served was explaining to me the rounds that they made them use over there What yeah, they tried to outlaw fuck or night vision now. I don't know if that was just his unit I don't know that's crazy. They try to be like, this is unfair, what you guys are doing. Do you know how crazy it is? Fair and unfair when it comes to killing people? It's going to get weird. 2015 DOD law or manual returns hollow point bullets to armed conflict.

Well, I think he was... Imagine passing that bill. He was overseas. It's time for some dude's heads to fucking explode. I don't know if that's true, but that was what he had said And did they have hollow point bullets in 1889 I guess was what this

Yeah but doesn't this stuff go out the window when guys start fighting for their survival It certainly should Like well I don't want to break those rules But when you're seeing a scene like I saw with the foxhole And you know like this is what these guys Are going through today And it's all done on someone's fucking Samsung Galaxy So it's like done on someone's fucking Samsung Galaxy.

So it's like clear video. It's horrible. Yeah. It's real close up too. It's like, oof. It's kind of embarrassing at this point. It's like, dude, you guys are really, what are we doing? You guys are shooting each other in the face right now?

Yeah, at this point it's kind of embarrassing. It's like, come on, man. Well, civilizations, when they evolve with war war you never kind of get them out i think the the only chance we have is if we keep like all moving to a new place with a new agreement like the reason why united states is so much different than anywhere else is because the majority of people just said look let's get the fuck out of here and start a new place because this shit's crazy and then everybody was was like, hey, where'd you guys go? And then that place, come back, became the shit. That's really what America is.

But then eventually it gets fucked too. We don't have the same physical wars on our borders because we're luckily surrounded by water, but we're still engaging in it all over the place and ramped up. It's like we're involved in so many in it all over the place and ramped up it's like we're involved in so many different conflicts all over the world it's almost like the only way you're ever going to stop that is if people keep it was like all right that's this one didn't work either let's keep going one more time antarctica here we go and take over that one and then do that for a few hundred years yeah fuck that up and then everyone learned it's like the lessons that people learn in

civilization they take forever they take forever. They take forever. True. We're still doing the death penalty. We know how many people are innocent that are on death row. We know. We know we're killing innocent people. Like, yeah, but fucking wins a win.

Wins a win. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. One innocent person, that's terrible. Oh, that sucks. That's insane. You're falsely accused the whole time you're like dude I've had multiple men like that on my podcast Because of the stuff that I do with Josh Dubin who used to be an ambassador for the Innocence Project

And he went off to he's released dozens of these people and the stories are hard. Well, you're crying I'm gonna hurt when you had on here. I've had a few guys a on. It was a guy with a little girl, and it was DNA reversed it. Maybe it was on here. Yes. There's been a bunch of them. We saw you with her the last time. That was all it took. Yeah.

And then they found he couldn't afford DNA testing or something? Well, there's one guy who was an immigrant who walked into a trailer after this woman had murdered someone, and his footprints got everywhere, they blamed him and he was in jail for 20 years like that kind of shit why is he walking around well it's like what the fuck's going on like imagine oh he's checking up on it check in on people and you open the door and someone's been knifed to death and you're like holy shit and you're you're just realizing you're trying to turn the lights on like what the fuck's going on and and he's an illegal immigrant he's from another country yeah so he tried to hide and then the woman blames it on him and it's just crazy oh it's fucking and these it's just such a

flawed system and the thing is like there's an incentive for a prosecutor once they're starting to try a case they want to win that fucking case they got a record they have a reputation and so they're trying to win and when it's like a government prosecutor or you know a district attorney and they know there's some information that would exonerate that person

they're just like da da da da da da da they don't give a fuck that also that seems like a problem making it like competitive for lawyers it's very bad

to be like I want to win or like DA's that are like I arrested the most people exactly it's like yeah yeah

then they run for office it's like remember that and they're like I was tough on crime. And then all of a sudden, 10 years later, being tough on crime is racist. You're like, I wasn't tough on crime. Now I'm the vice president. Yeah, man.

I didn't call them super criminals. Super predators. Super predators is nuts. That's crazy. That's crazy he's getting jammed up on manilaila folders when he was like kissing 12 year old girls on camera I don't know jack shit about politics, but if I had to guess They're trying to get rid of him. Yeah, that's what my guess would be they're trying to get rid of him if all of a sudden They're his own aides are

Sending these instead of like taking these classified documents, which you have located, and go, well, let's not do that again, and fucking locking them up somewhere. His own aides. Self-reporting? Dude. Come on, dude. That sounds sus. Well, no one self-reported that fucking laptop.

I know. That laptop. Well, that was Russian disinformation. That reeks of Russian disinformation. They got a hold of the social media companies and lied to them. They did whatever the fuck they could to keep that from happening. And even this, they discovered this before the midterms. Yeah.

So they didn't release the information until after the midterms. I mean, dude, everyone said this a million times, but the news, if that was flip-flop, if it was Trump's kid, that would have been all over. It would have been like, this is the fate of our democracy. Rest in the suns. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And the media would have gone right along with it.

Yeah. And it's like so obvious and it sounds trite, but it's like, but it's like, dude, why do they? And this is. What's the incentive to be like, nah, fuck that guy, not that guy. It's like, that kind of freaks me out. Dude, there's a bunch of us that are just unrepresented. It's the reasonable middle. The reasonable middle of the world.

Unrepresented. You've got radical left and radical right. You've got people that are all in on the Republican Party and you should never get an abortion even if you've been raped. You've got wild shit on that side. And on the other side, you've got men can get pregnant. You've got all this chaos. You've know FTX so he was just making mistakes no big deal it's lit we should barely even attack him we don't even need to bring him in come on guys yeah why wouldn't they probably why would they let that guy

off the hook the number two donor to the Democratic Party Oh number two yeah I just by George Soros. And they're like, whatever, whatever. No one's freaking out. I think it was the Republicans hanging on to that Santos dude. That is why. The Republicans are like, no, he's a good dude. That guy should be in jail.

Santos is a guy who's like, I'm Jewish. Oh, that dude. And they're like, you're not Jewish. And he's like, I meant Jew-ish. I'm like a Jew. He's a master of the English language. He's a master of the English language. He's a master of the English language. He lied about so many things.

He lied about everything. I found out about it on the podcast. It's hilarious. And then I went on a deep dive. I'm like, this guy's wild. I was looking at him yesterday. The first article that came up was like, he lied about being a volleyball star. That's the funniest.

Have you ever seen Biden lie about his education? Have you ever seen that clip? Where he lied about his education and they fact-checked him on the news? What did he say he was? Oh, my God. He just flat-out lied about his credentials. I think it fucked him up in that debate. Oh, for sure.

He was running a while ago and he got fucked up on. Well, he ran for president in 88. He plagiarized the speech. He did that. Dude, we used to do Joe Biden night at Stitch's Comedy Club in Boston where we'd all do each other's acts. That time Joe Biden lied about his academic credentials. So watch this video because it's fucking crazy.

He was 76 of 85. He was so silly. He might have gotten it wrong, though. He might have been like 85 at the top. Truthfully, a guy who finishes 76 would get it wrong. Oh, that's the video. It says it's the road to the White House. No, this is the video.

I've seen it. There it is. He argues with's the video. It says it's the road to the White House. No, this is the video. I've seen it. There it is. He argues with this guy. And the other question is, could you quickly... I think I probably have a much higher IQ than you do, I suspect. I went to law school on a full academic scholarship. The only one in my class to have a full academic scholarship. The first year in law school, I decided I didn't want to be in law school

and ended up in the bottom two-thirds of my class, and then decided I wanted to stay, went back to law school, and in fact ended up in the top half of my class. I won the International Moot Court competition. I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year. I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school and 165 credits, only needed 123 credits, and I'd be delighted to sit down and compare my IQ to yours if you'd like, Frank. Can you rewind that and look at the guy who wants to fuck him so bad?

Did you see how happy that guy was? He was like, you're doing it, Joe. I know. I'm not questioning your IQ. I'm just saying that with the people that we have elected to office in recent years, I think that we have to question their credentials very solidly. Well, I think you're right, Frank. Damn. But you know what I find kind of interesting? It seems to me if you can speak,

you're at a liability in the Democratic Party anymore. It seems to me you've all become heartless technocrats. It seems to me that you forget that what happens is we've never as a party. Okay, pause this. This is now nonsense. Biden rules. That's not, yeah. Now go to the article where it says what his actual stats were.

Because someone fact-checked him on the news. It's not in that clip. There's one that they played that clip on the news and then fact-checked it. That'd be a nice edit, like, cutting that to, like, now him just fucking bumbling around on stage talking nonsense. He's actually 70th in a class of 85. So he wasn't in the top half. But there was a bunch of other stuff that he lied about in that clip, too.

In the news clip where they check it, this, like, hardcore news guy goes, actually, the true story is, and he just lays it all out. Oh, that blows. It sucks a fat one. Imagine if you lied and a dork comes in. The new questions stem from taped remarks of Biden during an April campaign appearance in New Hampshire.

I went to law school on a full academic scholarship. Scoot ahead a little to where you can't. Oh, okay. That's okay. Keep playing. That's crazy. In my class, I'd have a full academic scholarship. Went back to law school and, in fact, ended up in the top half of my class.

I was the outstanding student in the political science department at the end of my year. I graduated with three degrees from undergraduate school and 165 credits, only needed 123 credits. Biden now concedes he did not graduate in the top half of his law school class, that he does not have three degrees from college, and that he was not named outstanding political science student in college.week says biden actually went to school on a half scholarship ended up near the bottom of his class and won only one degree not three joe biden ranked 76th in the class of 85 at the university of syracuse law school i mean this guy comes off this whole thing as a flyweight now biden says newsweek is right his is right. His memory had failed him. His memory had

failed him. My memory had failed me. But his memory seems so good right there. True. That'd be so scary if you could, maybe that was the early signs of dementia. Yeah. You could rattle off facts that you think are facts. Oh boy. Maybe he believed it. Maybe he believed it.

My memory failed me. Maybe his memory fails him all the time. Maybe he's just like hanging on My memory failed me. Maybe his memory fails him all the time. Maybe he's just like hanging on. Just has a prepared speech for if Bob asks this, I say that. He has to write it out. Yeah, I'm going to ram it down his fucking throat. The guy's like, I think you're an idiot. He's like, actually, I got the highest IQ on earth, motherfucker. That does hurt when the dorks come after you, though.

Yeah. When you're up there lying. Well, especially those are the mainstream dorks. Yeah. I mean, that was Sam Donald. That was back in the day. The real dorks. Yeah, the real dorks. The heavyweight dorks got him. mainstream dorks. Yeah. I mean, that was Sam Donald. That was back in the day, the real dorks. Yeah, the real dorks. The heavyweight dorks got them.

The journalists. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. I exaggerate when I'm angry, but I've never gone around telling people things that aren't true about me. That's not true. An oxymoron. You just lied right there.

I lie, but I never lie. He just lied right there because he lied. He said he had three degrees. That's not an exaggeration. That's a lie. Yeah. You know, saying you. That's not an exaggeration. That's a lie. Yeah. You know, saying you're in the top half of your class is also a lie. Yeah.

It's exaggerating. If you say I fucking killed it in college. Yeah, exactly. But then they found out you were in the bottom half of the class. Well, that's an exaggeration. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's kind of a lie, too. He could be like, I was in a lot of clubs.

I played, you know, intramural sports. Yeah. But no, he fucking, he fucked it up. He went for it. He lied. And he called black people super up. He went for it. He lied. And he called black people super predators. No, that was Hilldog. Didn't he say that?

I think it was Hillary. I think it was him. He called them super predators, too. I think he's been on tape. He's had some rough ones. He had some rough ones. I think they get these terms that they'd like to throw around, and then they start using them with each other, and it's like sort of a signal that we're all on the same page.

Oh, okay. You know, whatever it is, whatever term they're using to try to push things across. Hillary Clinton, not Joe Biden, use the term super president. Oh, let's go. Let's go. Jamie, this makes up for the lack of dog general info. Joe Biden, let's go. Yeah, Hillary, boy.

I know women want a female president. You got one in Tulsi Gabbard. Go get her. That's one that you could really get behind. Who do you like, Matt? In terms of- Who are you trying to endorse? I want Yang, dude.

Yang's a beast. I hope he starts- I just want a new- I don't care what he does. I just want a new party to win. It'd be fun. Just like knock the other guy- You were Yang Gang early.

Yeah, I like the idea of just fucking- You liked UBI at first. You like Universal Basic Income? What are you, a communist? No, I thought it was a cool idea. Try it. My thing is just try it. We should do wild experiments.

Just try it out. I thought it was a cool idea until people started getting money during the pandemic and then didn't want to go back to work. And I was like, oh no, this is what happens. Then you try to go to Starbucks at a rest stop. Yeah, you'd have a collapse of the service industry. You'd collapse of jobs that suck. Yeah. But you would also have a resurgence

of people doing what they actually want to do. It wouldn't be everybody, but it would give a good chunk of people an opportunity to try something that they've always wanted to do where they don't have to worry about subsistence, right? They don't have to worry about food and rent. And then they can go pursue a dream.

But how many are going to do that i don't know is it worth trying it might be i don't know i mean but human nature the problem with human nature like people if you give them stuff and make them so they don't have to do anything they don't do things that's a lot of people but a lot of people wouldn't they would look at it as an opportunity it's like it's almost like you need to educate people's like what gives you meaning in life And I know being lazy is like very attractive. It's it's it draws you to it It's so comfortable to just sit on the couch and play video games and do nothing, but you're gonna get depressed Need a task I think everybody needs a different task and everybody has like a different level of need but you need tasks. Yeah Yeah, this is emotion. You have you played Bannerlord? Have you played Bannerlord? Dude if I play games man

I'd have a fucking problem. Jamie can tell you I have a problem Yeah, I get psychotic obsessed and I will play eight ten hours a day I've and I'll fuck up my life and I look pale like a vampire What's wrong with that? Dude, I was playing Quake. I would play all night long, man. I installed a T1 line in my house back when I couldn't get good internet because I was living in the mountains.

I was like, what can you do? And they go, well, if you had a business, we could run a T1 line. I go, well, I got a business. Let's run a T1 line. It's just you playing Quake. They had to fucking dig up the street and lay pipes and shit. Oh, they had to send like the boring missiles. Oh, yeah.

I went hard. Damn. So I could play Quake. How long did this last for? Oh, I had to quit cold turkey. I realized it was a real problem. Fuck, I'm not excited about that. I'm headed that way.

E-Games? I plugged in the Xbox 360 this week and started playing nc double-a 14 took eight hours there was my guy my friend Rob as a manager at the comedy store real nice guy and one day he said you know he played EverQuest all day in a real problem and he goes I'm so good at making money in EverQuest and so bad at it in the real world and I was like this is profound. Yeah. Because he was having this, you know, he's out in public.

He left the house because like for him, that's a big deal to like shut the computer off and leave the house. He's like so immersed in the game. So he's hanging out with us at the store in the back bar. And he's like, I got to do something, man. I got to do something. I'm like, you got it. You got to quit.

Like it'll get they'll they're fucking great. I love them. Don't get me wrong. I'm not an anti video game quit. They're fucking great. I love them. Don't get me wrong. I'm not an anti-video game person. I fucking love them. But I know for me, they're too fun. I was like, why am I just sitting around answering emails that I have to answer? Why can't I just be in a world of murder?

I got to be honest. I got to be honest. That's exactly where I'm at. Dude, I get emails and I go, fuck out of here. I literally put the phone down. Yeah, man. It's a time suck. I get addicted.

I can't do it. And I suck, too. I suck at them. That's very frustrating. The UFC is my favorite. We lived together, and I was like, I'm going to get good and beat Shane,

and I played all day. He was at work. I was at home. I was just fucking like, I'm going to kick his fucking ass. I'm going to kick his ass, and he came home. I was like, I'm going to get good and beat Shane, and I played all day. He was at work. I was at home. I was just fucking like, I'm going to kick his fucking ass. I'm going to kick his ass, and he came home. I was like, what's this? Beat my ass, and I stormed up. I get so mad, too.

He ran up the stairs. I can't handle it. It's so hard, man. I can't handle it. I play, what's that karate game? Is it Dead or Alive? It's a fucking great karate game. You get to pick all these different, And my daughter kept jacking me up

Because she was playing against She was using this little lady And this little lady does this little fast move She like spins around and kicks you in the head So frustrating We'll do a different move, that's fine My daughter kept fucking me up She was so happy and I was so upset with myself

I was like, I can't believe That was that girl. She's hot as fuck. Dead or alive. Yeah, and she, dead or alive. That's it. Yeah, that's awesome. It's a fucking great game.

It's so addictive. God damn. And you can, like, use some martial arts strategy in that game. If you know, like, good techniques. Yeah. I'm the only one that can do ground and pound in the UFC. I'm the only one that can do jujitsu in UFC in our video games. So you know how to hit arm bars and stuff?

I can crush them. Dude, it's... How do you learn? Do you learn, like, pressing certain buttons at the same time? Timing, all that stamina, all that. Yeah. Wow. It's very fun.

Bro, doing the voiceover for that was one of the most brutal jobs I've ever had. It's so long. Because you have, like, these lists of all these things that can possibly happen. And all these fighters' names. And all all these different scenarios how long does it take hours and hours and hours many many many many days yeah you're working you're at a fucking sound booth and you know you're constantly drinking water because i'm screaming so i can only do it because you know what's oh yeah you're doing shit like that so you have to do I'm trying to do it like a you weren't in the last one. It fucks me up Genuinely was like damn, dude. I need the fucking ah daddy busy daddy's busy

It's too much work. It's so much work. I was in the one before it, but they used my old stuff So I only did like two of them then I was like that's it. I can do it anymore yeah can't you just re-license the sounds but just take the other ones oh you gotta use the new guys yeah it's new names new people so that means new sessions and this fucking thing reading off the paper yeah it's not coal mining i get it i mean well guess what i'm busy yeah but you get in your head if If you're just trying to say things right, it'll kind of spin you out. Well, it's also a huge strain on your voice. Because the way you're talking during the UFC fight, if you're doing it, it's like you're pushing your vocal cords.

Wow, that was wild, by the way. That was actually weird. That was a gear. That was a gear. You shifted gears. That was a Tesla. How wild is that car? Isn't it wild to feel that?

It's insane. It's scary. I took them on the ride in the Model S Plaid. Yeah, it seems so normal, right? Well, until I noticed your fucking steering wheel halfway through the ride. You're like, this thing's cool, right? Have you ever been in one? I was like, I think I've been in a Tesla.

And I looked over and it was. It's a yoke, like a Formula One car. Yeah. I don't like it. I wish I had a regular steering wheel. Regular steering wheels. Yeah, I like a regular steering wheel. Also, the horn's not in the center. The horn's a button. I don't like it. I wish I had a regular steering wheel. Regular steering wheels. Yeah, I like a regular steering wheel. Also, the horn's not in the center.

The horn's a button. I don't like that. Everything else I love. Yeah. It doesn't have a blinker stalk. Like, go to the blinker stalk. This is so, everybody knows this. It's not in the way.

Yeah, it's an instinct. It's not in the way either. It's hidden behind the wheel. Just do that. Do that. Everybody does it. It's normal. It's the best way to hit your blinkers, you know?

And instead, they have buttons. Like, people want to get crafty. You don't have to get crafty. Everybody does it. It's normal. It's the best way to heat your blinkers. You know, and instead they have buttons. Like, people want to get crafty. You don't have to get crafty. Everything is minimalist. Like, everything is done inside the panel. The problem with that is the panel dies, then you're fucked. You can't even roll your windows down. You can't roll your windows down, but you can't, like, there's certain things you can't do. Like, you can't

adjust the temperature. They just, like, turn off if it has, like, an electrical shortage and you're like flying. It's never happened. I've never had a problem. That's cool. I had a problem with a windshield wiper motor once

but it was just a defective windshield wiper motor. Those cars are flawless. They're so well engineered. They just fucking just do what they're supposed to do. They suck in the cold though.

A lot of these people that got them in these freezing temperatures in like fucking Toronto and shit like it drains that fucking battery in the oh yeah yeah you gotta think about that but for like regular driving they make regular cars look stupid I don't know you ever see a Chevy Cruze you still have that no my

sister has it what are you gonna get You should get something fat. What? You should get something nice. Fat with a P. With a P. Like fat. I don't know. I live in New York. I don't need a car.

I can't. No, I want to get a car. I can't. Get yourself a Mustang. Like a Shelby GT500. Matt got a CRV. I got a CRV. CRVs are fucking sick.

Oh, those are sick. Twin CRVs. Honda CRVs. Me and my wife have CRVs. That's a nice CRV. Black CRV? Yeah, man. Those things are fast. And they're so nimble. They're nice. Wait, Honda CRVs are fucking sick. Oh, those are sick. Twin CRVs. Me and my wife have CRVs. That's a nice CRV. Black CRV? Yeah, man. Those things are fast.

And they're so nimble. They're nice. Wait, Honda CRV? Yeah, they're nimble. Yeah. I wasn't sure. He was excited about it. No, Honda CRVs are great cars.

I sold them. I love them. The gear shift ratio. Those are my favorite cars. The gear shift ratio in them are crazy. What is that piece of shit? It's a Mustang. What?

Yeah. That's a Mustang? Did they put a bodysuit on it? Oh, look. It does have a Mustang rear quarter panel. It's made by them, I believe. Oh, that looks gross. Boy, that guy, bad investment advice. If a guy pulls up to your house, Shane, I want to make you money.

Is that the GT? He's got the great Gatsby. Yeah, but the great Gatsby was a dope car back then. It killed a person in the car. It's the whole point of the movie. The real great Gatsby movie? Yeah, it's kind of fucked up. Oh, look, it's got a Mustang GT 500, 5.0.

It's a coyote motor on there. Those ribs are kind of sick. It is nice. Yeah, I like my butt. But the regular Mustang looks way better, you fucking dummy. The regular Mustang. Now, go to 2023 Mustang. What's the dark horse?

I think they're called the dark horse. This is the newest of the new Mustang. See? Why would you fuck that up, bitch? Look at that thing. God damn, that's sexy. That's a sexy car. We've had this conversation every time I'm on here.

Dude, I can't drive this car. Look at that car. Why not? That's a 500 horsepower. Why not? Comes in a manual. You can get that in a manual. You're an SUV guy.

This is it. Suburban. The Dark Horses comes in a manual, right? Doesn't it? I've never even heard of it. It's the newest of the new Mustangs. New Breeder Pony. It hasn't even come out.

500 horsepower. I like that. Carbon fiber trim. I like that talk. They're going to make it a lightweight package. I'm interested. Manual. Six-speed manual.

Yeah, that's right. So you can get it in a... You can get it in a... Scroll back up, please. Sorry. What is this? Can you get it in an automatic, too? Nope.

Six-speed manual. Nope. Just a manual. Yes. No pussies. Oh, a 10-speed automatic. Damn it. Damn.

You ever lie about being able to drive manual? I bought a car without knowing. Literally every time someone asks me. I did. I still have. Every time someone asks me, I'm like, yeah. I've only worked in cars. I've worked in an auto auction.

I sold cars, and then I worked in a garage in Philly, and I couldn't drive stick. And all the time they'd be like, you've got to bring this car out back. I'd just sit there and be like, I'm going to get found out. Like year two into my job. Bro.

I'd have to find someone and be like, yo, can you please drive this? Just put it in fucking neutral. Just teach me real quick. So many times where I've been in a car in front of everyone just. There's, you know, La Cienega? Where La Cienega connects to Sunset?

No. There's, you know that, rightienega, where La Cienega connects to Sunset? No. You know that, right? It's why I know Manuel and I love him. Oh, wait, that steep-ass hill right by the store? The steepest, right by the store. Yes, I do know that. I would take that in my Porsche, and it was a manual, and I'd always get stuck at the top, and I stalled out like three or four times.

Because you're like this. Yeah, that hill's insane. It's like crazy peach. Fuck that. So I had to learn how to hit the emergency brake and slowly let out the clutch while I let the emergency brake up. That's how bad the hill is. That's how I did mine every time.

I had like a, no, what was it? A Ford Contour. I bought it stick shift off some Polish dude. That's why if you have a stick, you need a fucking real handbrake. Yeah. If you have a stick, you can't have thesebrake. Yeah, if you have a stick you can't these bullshit fucking electronic brakes Like what is that? Electronic what are we doing?

Everything's electronic you like at least some cars like this like Fords or making these the cars that we just that's like an advanced muscle Car that's what that like yeah, you get a feel you know That's the fun. That's neat. That's the fun. I get scared. Don't be scared. I get scared.

I got scared in that Tesla, dude. I was scared as shit. I literally, I had 2% of me was like, I might die right now. Bro, I closed my eyes. I didn't want to tell you guys. Did you? For a second, I closed my eyes, and then I realized how fucking insane that was. But I just, I just, I act like this.

No, it was genuinely impressive to move that fast. My body was just like, I freaked out. I wanted you to give me permission. We gave you. You got consent. I wouldn't be that guy. You didn't want me to? No, we didn't.

I wouldn't mind, you know, I'd like to feel that again. But it's bizarre, right? It was very bizarre. Because this is four-door sedan. It looks like a normal car. It doesn't look like a fast car. I almost clutched your torso from behind. I almost held on.

And that's what it is. And then he's going to have that little one that's even faster than that. It's the start of an all-new... Jamie, do not let that happen again. Let's take it to a commercial break. These autoplay motherfuckers. I was looking at new muscle cars.

This is a new Challenger. Yeah, but that's electric. Is this one? That's the electric one. I was looking at new muscle cars. This is the new Challenger. Yeah, but that's electric. Is this one? That's the electric one. I was trying to look up the Banshee. I guess it just came up. Look, you don't see exhaust pipes. Oh, that sucks.

It's electric, and it makes fake noises. It makes like, rawr, rawr. That's kind of funny. It actually does that, though? Yes. Like audible outside of the car? Yeah, listen to this stupid shit. It's the dumbest idea of all time.

This is just literally so you can bother people? Yeah. That's it. It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Someone's making fun of me. Listen to this. That sound is all fake. The speakers, I guess.

Yes. That should be illegal So that should be illegal That should be illegal Jesus Christ That's the fake butt of the car world That's what it sounds like When you rev it Listen it's got this low rumble to it

Low rumble is kind of ominous The only good thing about the rumble is It's good for like people walking on the streets and shit. You hear the car. Yeah, true. Or protesting. That's so dumb.

That's so dumb it hurts my feelings that I do. Making a fake rumble. They got to make some noise. Yeah, you can't have that. Any dodges. You can't have that thing on. They will not replace us, Riley. Just silent. That's not great. You't have that. Any dodges. You can't have that thing on a they will not replace us rally. Just silent.

That's not great. You might have to edit that one out. You can't give them stealth. That's a fair point. Stealth is a nightmare for those people. Can't give, yeah. Well, you know what the problem with that sound thing is? It seems like you could hack that and have it play whatever you want.

Definitely. Have you been to Jamaica? No. Wild. What do they do? They just ride around. They have speakers on every car. Outside?

Speakers outside. Blasting music, dude. Constantly. That's what people are going to do with that thing. Or have it talk. When Jamaicans get a hold of this. The Tesla, you could make fart, right? Yeah.

Yes. Inside the car. But outside, you could too. Oh, really? And I think they had to cancel that because people were fucking up. Well, that's actually very funny. Do you remember that movie, was it Scanner Dark? No, what was the movie with Alex Jones where they animated him?

Like back before Alex Jones was Persona Non Grata, he was in this like mainstream animated movie. That sounds like Scanner Darkly. Was it Scanner Darkly? He's in Waking Life. Waking Life, that's right. Play the clip of him from Waking Life because it's him driving around in a car with a speaker on the roof. Look at this. City halls.

Death and taxes. Don't talk about politics or religion. This is all the involvement of enemy propaganda rolling across the picket line. Lay down, G.I. Lay down, G.I. We saw it all through the 20th century. Lay down, GI. Lay down, GI. We saw it all through the 20th century.

And now in the 21st century, it's time to stand up and realize that we should not allow ourselves to be crammed into this rat maze. We should not submit to dehumanization. I don't know about you, but I'm concerned with what's happening in this world. I'm concerned with the structure. I'm concerned with the systems of control, those that control my life and those that seek to control it even more. I want freedom. That's what I want,

and that's what Jason wants. It's up to each and every one of us. That's what I do when I drive. What year was this movie? With your daughter in the back. 2001. 2001. Richard Linklater.

Isn't that wild? I mean, he's kind of killing it right there. Yeah, that was actually pretty good. Yeah, it was very good. He had one giant blunder. It was a big blunder. It's a big one. Yeah. I mean, he's kind of killing it right there. Yeah, that was actually pretty good. Yeah, that was very good. He had one giant blunder. It was a big blunder. It's a big one. Yeah.

I got you. Kind of the worst blunder almost. The worst blunder you can make. It's the worst. It involves every bad thing. Yeah. Yeah. Guns, kids, lies.

But didn't he take it back before they got him? He did, but the problem is those people sued him and won $965 million. That's a lot of money. And in Connecticut, they won a large settlement in Texas, but in Texas it's capped. So I think it's capped at like $700-and-something thousand dollars. So even though it might have been like $40 million,. Oh, wow. $750,000 per once. It was like $1.5 million or something. But then the Connecticut one's not capped.

The Connecticut one's different. Yeah, isn't it like a billion dollars? It's close to a billion dollars. Yeah. That's a pretty funny way to end a trial. Is he on a payment plan? Like, how is he? Who's the judge, fucking Dr. Evil?

How can you ever come up with that number? That number's so crazy. The number only exists if you're trying to just put someone out of business, like completely and forever. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's still going, isn't he? Is he still going?

Yeah. He's not going to be able to make a fucking billion, dude. This is impossible. But the other question is, like, if it goes back to trial, do they reduce them? How does that work? Are you allowed to appeal? How does that work?

I would imagine you're getting an appeal. I mean, it's probably pretty, I don't know. Who knows? This could go on forever and just bleed him financially just from the legal fees. He should go out to the seas.

True. And broadcast from the seas. He should save up enough money to buy a boat. He should buy Epstein's Island. He should. It's for sale. What's going on with it?

It's for sale. Nobody wants it? Do you want it? I can't afford it. What's going on with it? It's for sale. Nobody wants it. Do you want it? I can't afford it. What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say you want it? Open up your sandals.

Yeah, open up your sandals, dude. I would fucking buy it. Yeah, open up. It's a waste of a good island. No kind of ghosts would be floating around that island.

Yeah, young, hot ghosts. Russian, the best ghosts of all time. You'd be chasing them like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come back, haunt me. They come in. I'm lonely.

I'm over here watching Avatar by myself. Whoa. Bespoke. That's it. It's $55 million. Bro. $55 million. Scroll back up so I can get an overhead again.

Look at that. There's the temple. That's the temple. Can you imagine if I opened up a podcast studio where Epstein's Island used to be? I mean. Just imagine. So where do they fly them in? They fly them in somewhere else and then they have to yacht it out there?

Whatever it's called. The big St. James has an airstrip on it and then they take a boat over. So he's got to go to two islands actually. What's stopping you from doing this? So this is like, did you see the Glass Onion? Did you see that, Jamie? I did not watch that. The Netflix.

No. It's the new Knives Out. It's fun. It's good. But the dude is kind of like an Elon Musk character, and he owns an island just like this. You fly into St. Thomas and take a private helicopter. It's amazing. Nobody wants that island.

Do you know how many recording pieces of equipment? You have to tear down every wall. Every wall is bugged. True. Everything. There's probably every fucking picture. The eyes are filming you. Yeah, shit.

Great San Diego. I mean, I'd imagine you want to demolish everything anyway. So you have to land on that one little island that's a landing strip. That's a helipad, it says. Is that a landing strip too? I thought this one did, but it said you land on St. Thomas, so that might be the same back here. Dude, you could...

Did they bulldoze the temple no that's not his island that's not the same island that's the island where you can land that's close by no this is the island

that's his island yeah yeah yeah oh so he has a helipad correct oh okay I'm sorry I was confused or is that

that temple's up there I thought they were saying that this is the place where you can land I'm like where the fuck are you gonna land on this little rock

you think someone would demolish the temple you should put your podcast studio in the temple dude well think someone would demolish the temple. You should put your podcast studio in the temple, dude. Well, why would they demolish anything? If it's valuable,

somebody might want it as is. There's a lot of nutty fucking people in the world. If you're some Saudi billionaire and you're drinking whiskey and you're like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy

that fucking island. Ah! Just like they bought the WWE. I'm going to buy that fucking island. That's pretty funny. I'm going to stick that fucking island. Just like they bought the WWE. I'm going to buy that fucking island. It's pretty funny. I'm going to stick it in Clinton's face. Look where I am. Do you recognize this room?

You should. Yeah. I know what you did in there. Yeah. Trump only hung out with the staff. I only went there 26 times. 26 is a lot. 26 is not a lot of times.

That's incriminating. There's so many days in the year. Yeah, that was the internet. No one talks about that anymore. That is a lot. 26 is not a lot of times. That's incriminating. There's so many days in the year. Yeah, that was, and no one talks about that anymore. That was a weird one. 26 times. You got a good Clinton. It's not bad. I got to listen to him.

If I listen to him, I can get it pretty good. What's he up to now? Not much. Hiding. Yeah. Yeah. He's done that. The world's turned on him.

Yeah, but he's also. Oh, yeah, he had some rough ones. He's old, bro. Hill Dog had some rough ones. He's not, bro. Hill Dog had some rough ones. He's not just old. He's old. He had heart problems. Then he got on a vegan diet.

And the vegan diet is like, you know, you got to do that. You got to be real good with that. If you want to do that and be healthy, you have to really dot your I's and cross your T's and make sure you get all your macronutrients and shit. And you got to take supplements. He just looks like this. You're in ketosis, man. I was. I was.

You're out of ketosis? So I started getting restless leg for my whole body. I did a week. It felt awesome. I felt great. Then the last night- Restless leg felt great? No, no.

I'm saying before that. I got out of the keto flu and all of a sudden- Maybe there's something to restless leg. No, I hate it. But I had it in my arms too. I was like a dead bug. I was in my bed and I was just like kind of- I think it was an electrolyte thing. I looked it up But I had it in my arms, too. I was like a dead bug. I was in my bed, and I was just like kind of... I think it was an electrolyte thing. I looked

it up. So I'm going to try it again. I think I fucked up my electrolytes. Yeah, do you take an electrolyte supplement? Nah. You should. I really should. It's so easy. Take this stuff called liquid IV. It's the shit. You dump it in water, shake it up. We got a lot of it. Tastes great. Yeah, I gotta do that. Filled with vitamins and electrolytes.

Like, so many people are deficient in certain nutrients, and so many people are dehydrated. It's so easy to be dehydrated. You really should be drinking water all the fucking time. Yeah. Dude, I felt good, though. I didn't realize how different you feel. First of all, you don't need really to eat them. I was crushing carbs.

Yeah. And I went down to not eating any. I'm like, oh, I didn't know I didn't need that my eat them. I was crushing carbs. Yeah. And I went down to like not eating any. I'm like, oh, I didn't know I didn't need that my whole life. I've been primarily eating those. I think different people react different ways. I have a buddy that's been on keto now for like six months. He's lost 60 pounds. He looks fucking great.

He said, I'm never going back again. Dana White is another one. Dana White lost like 40 pounds. And he's like, dude, I'm eating like this for the rest of my life. It was all just sugar and bullshit and carbs. And he was like, dude, I'm eating like this for the rest of my life. He goes, it was all just sugar and bullshit and carbs. And he was having all sorts of health problems. But my buddy looks fucking great. John Dudley.

He looks great. He's like thin now. Like I could hardly recognize him. He's six foot five and now he's 200 pounds. Oh, wow. Like that's crazy. He was like at one point in time, he was like 250, probably even higher. He's a big boy.

And now he looks fucking lean and mean. He's like my one point in time, he was like 250, probably even higher. He's a big boy. And now he looks fucking lean and mean. He's like my joints feel amazing. My energy levels are great. I just don't think it's for everybody. I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all diet. I know a lot of people that just go vegan and they're fine. And I know a lot of people that try and their body gets fucked up. I just think everybody's different, man.

You think that happened to Bill Clinton? He looks like shit. But I think everybody's different, man. You think that happened to Bill? Clinton. He looks like shit. But I think it's also guilt. How old is he? He's old as fuck, right? A lot of sleepless nights. There's a lot of thinking about all the shit he did.

Imagine the internet coming out after you're like towards the end and that comes out and they're like, oh, fuck you. Well, not just that, but having to live with being the president and all the shit that you gave the fucking thumbs up to and all the people that died and all the countries that got invaded and all the fucking black ops that we don't know about and all the people that got assassinated and all the people that, like, how about the Obama administration? How many people died from drone strikes that were innocent?

A lot. It was in the 90% range. Yeah, it innocent a lot it was in the 90 percent range it was a lot of civilians of innocent people that were died in these targeted surgical drone strikes and that amazing term you could use surgical for a missile with a bomb on the other very precise surgical strikes dude i missed it again silent dinner silent like pot roast with hillary clinton dude oh your bill Just a silent Fucking like you fucked up

Something on the news And she's not talking to you She's in her pantsuit Just like They have some sort Of an arrangement I can only imagine You think they don't even like

You think they're just like Totally different wings Of the house or something They're partners They're business partners But she's still going She's still cognizant He's out

Oh yeah She's great In terms of like Who would have been A better president representing the country, her or Biden, her by a long shot. Yeah. Even if you don't agree with her politics or you think she's a criminal, that lady's a stateswoman. Biden eight years ago, Biden.

No. I liked Biden back in the day. I liked that guy. He was always full of shit. Yeah, but I like the fucking like, hey, fuck you. I'll get the highest IQ on earth. Hey, buddy. Fuck off. You had a good voice, man. You were talking a full of shit. Yeah, but I like the fucking like, hey, fuck you. I'll get the highest IQ on earth. Hey, buddy. Fuck off.

You're talking a lot of shit. Remember when you got confronted by that guy at the factory? He's an old man. Yeah. I can't confront old men, dude. You're trying to take away our guns. This guy was like a fucking regular worker. Like, you don't know shit.

He spazzes, dude. I can get hit with young dudes coming up being like, you're taking our guns. I'll kick your ass. Hey, buddy. Yeah. I don't know what the hell you're talking about. You're a, what do you call him? Pony boy.

Dog face pony soldier. Dog face pony boy. Dog face pony soldier. Here. Oh, shit. Yeah, motherfucker. You're full of shit. Here, what's that sound?

I thought he was real bad at it. I don't have any idea But it used to be good I don't know It's on our audio See if you can find another one Yeah here we go You're actively trying to stop You're full of shit

Shush Damn I support the second amendment You're full of shit. Shush. Danny, shush, lady. Damn. Shush. I support the Second Amendment. There's a way better video of it, though, right? I have a shotgun. He always talks about a shotgun. I've got a shotgun.

As if he doesn't have, like, armed murderers hanging around his house 24-7. I got a shotgun. I'm an old... I'll take my 12-gauge and shoot it out in the sky and he'll run for cover. I think he makes up everything. Yeah, he's just living

in a fucking movie. He does talk confidently, though. He sounded like he was actually handling business there. He hit a fucking lady with shush and he was like, you're full of shit. Yeah.

Do you think he's on Adderall? Something. He's got to be. I think there's a lot of functional people that are on Adderall. I think Trump Dog was flying. He was on some something. Trump was flying on something. I think there's a lot of functional people that are on Adderall. I think Trump dog was flying.

He was on some something. Trump was flying on something. I think a lot of people are doing that. Dave Portnoy is pretty open about it. Adderall? He told me he did it before the podcast. Yeah. And he seemed totally normal.

Yeah. But he's like, if I don't have it, I just feel like I don't have my edge. Really? Yeah. I heard it shrinks your, like while you're high on it, shrinks your burn big time. It's gone, dude. Yeah, it turns like gray. It's gone.

Like a cocaine thing. Almost worse, because Adderall's all day. Your dick is, dude, your dick is this. I take Adderall sometimes just to get fucked up. It's fun to drink on, dude. You take Adderall, you can drink all day. You can drink all day anyway. No, but I'll go, like, I'll go, all right, I'll take Adderall and drink until my body shuts down.

But because of the Adderall, you're still there. Like, we went to the World Series. You can't walk in your wake. I went to the Phillies Astros World Series. I was blacked out, but I was fully, like, what's going on? Then we tried to leave the stadium, and I was like, yo, I can't walk. Notre Dame, Ohio State, I left, I couldn't walk. Yeah, it's like in Call of Duty when your character dies,

but you get the camera to float around the whole thing. If you take Adderall, you can day drink. Because I don't, yeah. I can't drink on Adderall. How often do you take it? That was the two times I've taken it. Damn, it seems exciting. Ohio State, Notre Dame, World Series, it's a big day.

If I'm taking Adderall, it's a big day. Dude, what's a dose? Whoever I'm with, there's always somebody around that is prescribed. I would say it's like 10 to 20. It's crazy. Yeah, 10 to 20 milligrams probably. 10 to 20. Sometimes you get you run into people that are like 30 fucking

40 milligrams. Crunch the time release. He googled the number. I think Pornhub said it takes a 30. I was like, I didn't bring it up. I was like, that's a lot. Some people munch the time release too. They have little balls and you can crack down on them and get it all at once. I've tried to snort those things. Those are some dark evenings.

I tried. Plastic balls. I tried drinking on it twice. The one time I was in college and I was on the Adderall. I didn't realize even what it was. I was drinking on it. I got one time I was in college, I was on the Adderall. I didn't realize even what it was. I was drinking on it.

I got all zoomed out, and I was at the kind of a, not like a super high level of a concert, and I was like, I'm going to jump down to the next level. And I tried to jump down, and I got kicked out immediately. It was fucked up. I was like, if I could time it perfectly where all the guards' backs are turned, I'll jump down to the pit, climb up, and jump into the other area. You're trying to get up to the stage. It just snagged me.

Yeah, of course. It snagged me. You're a meth. I was like, I'll jump into the crowd. I'll blend. And the crowd just parted as I jumped into them. The guy just beat the fuck out of me. I was at a South Carolina DP.

He saw you jump down. Knocked my one shoe off. Knocked my one shoe off. I got back in. I kicked my other shoe off so I didn't look suspicious. So I walked in in my socks and they thought my friend was me and they started kicking him out and I was like, what happened? I was like, fuck it.

My friend had to get kicked out and then I got kicked out again and then I snuck back in a third time. No lie. In my socks. This is Mission Impossible. I was on Adderall. That's why I cannot drink on Adderall. I snuck in. Dude, I snuck in with the Aramark workers I just walked in with them only in my socks

And I climbed up through under the bleachers, and I just emerged into like some seating people like that Fucking it was the Beastie Boys It was like intergalactic planetary as came up Can't have it dude I Oh my god, it's amazing. You can't have it, dude. I can't have that shit. You're going to appreciate this sneaking at a stadium.

I was gone. It was an all-day tailgate. I was at South Carolina versus Tennessee. SEC football. It's a night game in South Carolina. And I'm standing there, and there's just a tiny fence between me and the handicap section. And literally, I just stepped over it. No one batted an eye, dude.

I was standing there just. I was on the field, dude. I left my friends. They were in the student section. I was just shit-faced walking around. I was like, stepped in. And, dude, people were looking at me like checks out fully checks out when I blacked out he's by himself

someone just brought you a blanket it happened it, you go like this. I was at a Bills game. I'm just picturing you standing there. Swaying. I'm just picturing you shit-faced. And some guy doing a handicap check. Yeah, it's just. I was at the Bills game. Bills Steelers this year.

And Gabe Davis, he's a wide receiver. He likes comedy and he likes podcasts and all this stuff. So he invited me to the game. I'm at the game. I took Adderall there there you go there's another adderall uh end of the game he's like come down here towards the field he took his jersey off autographed it and handed it to me up in the stands whoa dude it's just me and children me and little kids are the only dudes like down there trying to get high fives from the players This guy hands me his jersey and people are like oh, that's a It's a guy like NFL films was filming it like it was it was like a sweet moment for them to be giving me a

jersey and I was like They thought I was a special needs man It was just me and children. It was me and children in the bleachers like, high five, can I get your gloves? Good game. And then a guy gave me his jersey and they're like, nice, congratulations. Yeah, like that's what it's all about. They're like, folks, look at Gabe Davis giving back to the community. The worst thing that can ever happen to someone is a baseball game

where a pitch gets hit, a ball gets hit, it goes foul, and some guy snatches it in front of a kid's face while the kid's trying to catch it. Yeah, that's brutal. And then celebrates, like reaches in front of the kid, and then everybody looks at him like, You want to know how fucking weird I am? I keep going to baseball games, and I love them, but the whole time I'm like'm like dude if there's a foul ball. I'm getting the fuck out of the way I'm so like it dude dropping a foul ball. You know embarrassing that is yeah, it's scary You can easily catch him one with one hand. It's crazy. I've seen dudes catch this Everyone's like yeah, hero I do

They snap, drive, chug a beer. Everyone's like, yeah. Hero. Hero move. I've also seen people try to save their friends. I've seen people dive in front of the ball to save their friend when it's coming out of a friend's head. That's nice. Like on their phone and shit. Jesus.

Taking it from a kid is. Fucking cracked by a ball. Dude, they used to let go of the, there was no nets down the third and first base line, dude. Dudes would let go of the bat. There's a fucking hilarious image of this dude in the crowd getting hit with a bat. It's right here. His jaw is off his face. I saw another one like that where a dude caught a bat.

The bat went flying. The dude fucking snatches the bat out of the air. Yeah, just instinctively. That's exciting. Yeah. Because if you're in a baseball game, 90% of the time you're not paying attention. Yeah, I'm one of those freeze and kind of watch something bad happen. What is this one?

This is the bat one? Yeah, there's a couple of bat ones. Oh, yeah. So this is the bat. Incredible. The bat flies and dude snags it. Oh, and it's sharp, dude. It was split.

Fucking hero. That guy's a hero. Look at him. Oh, my God. That's the greatest moment of his life. He caught that bat. Motherfucker. He's talking shit.

He's talking shit. Look at him. He's just standing up. And look at homeboy. I think I'm going to pay you. Flying. Everybody's freaking out. This guy's like, He's talking shit. He goes flying. He's just standing up. And look at homeboy. I think I'm going to pay you. Flying. Everybody's freaking out.

This guy's like, I got this shit. Snatch. One-handed it. I mean, that thing could have hit a vampire. That's our leader.

That's our leader. That's a good vampire, dude. If we were a tribe, if it was a tribe, that audience, that's our leader. That's the guy who caught the bat.

Look at that. Animal. Yeah, he's got that still image of that dude getting his fucking face smashed. Do you know how good that guy must have felt though? To hold that fucking bat up, standing up like this in the hall. It's like, yeah!

That must have been incredible. Yeah. Especially when you didn't see it coming. Right. Like the closest thing we can get to adrenaline is like a good set. Yeah. This guy was just watching. Oh yeah, look at this.

This guy saved this kid. Wow. Look at the lady. Look at the lady. Oh my God. Dude. Oh my God, that kid Look at the lady, look at the lady. Oh my god. Oh my god, that kid was- Oh, look at the mom, look at the mom bailing. Damn, look how jacked that dad is. That dad's an animal.

Look at the size of that dude. Oh shit, dude! You see, that's the art of sharing. That's what I'm afraid of. I'm gonna be the guy going- Yeah, but imagine- look at the guy on the right. Imagine a classical oil painting. That'd be a beautiful painting, dude. Look at the guy on the right. Yeah a classical oil painting. That would be a beautiful painting, dude. Look at the guy to the right. That guy's still drinking his drink.

He's slurping. He's in the middle of slurping. Dude, one guy's not even reacting. He's just sitting there like, whatever, dude. Is that a drink or popcorn or both? That's popcorn. He's got some popcorn. I think both, but it's just popcorn.

Now we're on to something. Find that lady getting racked in the face with a basketball. It's so good, dude. Is that her? Broken bat at Fenway Park? Oh, my God. Life-threatening injuries. Oh.

Oh, there he is. Look at the lady. Oh, that dude took it. Look at the little kid. He's eating pizza. Took it. Look at the little girl. It's like, save me.

That guy didn't even get his arms up, dude. No. No. No. He's looking back here. He sees it happening. Bro, he got cracked. How bad did that guy get injured? He's a little old to get hit in the head like that, too. Yeah.

That might have done him in. Shattered jaw at the fucking. Oh, for sure. At the least. I mean, I'm looking at that right now. Twins fucking Cubs game. That's like Anderson Silva hitting him with a left hook. Look at that.

Snatch. That guy caught one. Oh! To the mug. That's the Indians game, dude. You're in fucking Cleveland. Look at that guy laughing. Look at the guy with the glasses.

He's like, bro, this is sick. Look at that lady just looking with morbid curiosity. Yeah, that lady's a psycho. Yeah, dude. Look at her. She's staring down that bat. Oh, this shows your deepest layer. Oh, my God. Solid photos of Snag, too.

What's that? The photographer getting all that caught still with all the movement? Every single one of those photographers went, dude, I got that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. They have to be on point for that, right?

They've got to be ready. That does happen. Jesus Christ. Dude, I mean. That guy's a fucking hero. That is amazing. Look at the size of the John Cena arms on that motherfucker. That guy's a tank.

This guy blew it. Imagine if he was doing like, yeah, really. You got that, bro? Well, that looks like it's his kid. Oh, yeah. Here's right before it. It's definitely his boy. Kid doesn't even see it.

Look at the kid's face. What? He's playing fruit. That guy's using the force. That might it's his kid. Oh, yeah. It's definitely his boy. Kid doesn't even see it. Look at the kid's face. He's playing fruit. That guy's using the force. That might not be his kid. No. Yeah, there's a... Oh, no, I think they're sitting next to him. There's two kids.

Look at the little girl. The little girl next to him is smart as fuck. Look at her. I thought it was his mom. She's like, down! Oh, maybe. It might be the mom. Whoever it is, they just ducked.

I doubt it's the mom. Yeah, it was camera. True, yeah. Not a good idea. I doubt it's the mom True yeah Oh that's the row in front of them that's what that is The dude is next to him The black dude up there like oh I think moms have a thing innately where they can't like they genuinely can't get out of the way Like they'll just stick their head in the way

You ever drive with your mom in the car? Yeah dude Yeah they put their hand over you Every single time It's pretty sweet actually it's very nice my wife does that to me sometimes very sweet What's hilarious? Little bitch ass move how much strength you think you have that way almost none like how much? Resistance do you have that that ever tested out stroke? She ever tested you ever like?

Bucker arm and don't do that you know her done it a couple times She does it with the kids just a natural thing to do with the kids when they're hitting the brakes. But it's just like you have zero power that way. Yeah, focus on the fucking road, dude. Hold the steering wheel. How much can you stop going in that direction with your arm outstretched like that and you weigh 130 pounds? What are you fucking thinking?

I mean, this is going to be a very dark statement, but I don't know. What? That means every single time a mom's in a car accident with her kid. Yeah. A severe one. She did go like this. Yeah. And the last thing she felt was, he's going out.

He's out the windshield. Oh, when I was a kid, we didn't wear seatbelts. Nobody wore seatbelts. No one did. We used to all pretend. We would laugh. My parents would be like, you guys clicked in, and we'd all go click, make the noise with our mouths.

They'd be like, ha ha, and they'd laugh. My dad and my mom would, they cut their, when they started beeping, they just cut their seatbelts off and plugged them in. Oh, Jesus Christ. Seatbelts were gay. Dude. Now they're not. I still.

I don't know what happened. Whoever did seatbelts at fucking PR. It used to be if you wore a seatbelt, you were a pussy. Kind of a pussy. Yeah, like if you were a cool guy in a muscle car movie, you didn't have a seatbelt. When did that change? What happened? Even to crash test owners.

Paul Walker. Dudes would be driving in cars. in cars and they're not wearing seat belts you know fashion the furious might have been seat belt propaganda yeah might have been the ccp it could have been they manufacture all the seat belts you probably do this bro you come up with this? Bro, this is deep. Paul Walker. Seatbelt. China. Hold on. Jamie, will you find that old woman getting hit in the face with a basketball? No, we're done.

No, I want to see this lady get hit in the face. It's a very funny video, and then we can find a new topic. There's nothing like rodeo guys getting stomped. Well, that's actually like brutal. Yeah. Yeah. Or running in the bulls. You want to watch someone get hit by something? Oh, running with the bulls is rough.

Running with the bulls, though, that's – rodeo guys, you're at least like, this is a sport, all this. It's a sport where there's only one person who knows they're participating. Running with the bulls has it coming. How does she get hit? So it'll happen once and then it gets zoomed in just so you can see it. Okay. That's in real time. Oh.

Right in the mug. She wasn't looking. Oh, no. She wasn't looking at all. Looking at Facebook. Oh, it's like a chain email. Oh, boy. Oh.

Dude, look, look, look, look. Oh, fuck. Fuck, dude. Everybody just like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at him. Look at him. Look at him. Dude, on the beach. On, dude. Everybody was just like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at him. Look at him.

Look at him. Dude, on the peak. Fuck, fuck, fuck. On the peak. Oh, dude. On the peak. He was trying to block it. Boom.

She didn't even know what happened. Oh, my God. Took a shock well, though. Oh. That makes me happy. She's all right. A basketball, you're all right. Are you sure?

That's Marsha Brady at the worst. She could have whiplash. She could have whiplash easy. Let's see what happens. Does she stay in the game? She's supposed to stand up with her arms over here. Look at her. She's smiling. She's already laughing. She took it well.

She loves the shot. One more time, Jamie. Really? And by the way, Hornets ball. Hornets ball. Hornets get the ball back, dude. Fuck the Kings. Sacramento versus Charlotte. You get bopped in the face.

Trying to watch the Kings, Hornets. And six seats, too. She's not even paying attention. Six seats. What year was that? She was looking at her Facebook. That was recent. Oh, man. Cousins was with the Kings. Sucks. Running of the Bulls, though. what year was that she was looking at her Facebook 19 I was 15 oh man

Cousins was with the Kings sucks Running of the Bulls those are fun dudes have you seen an old person that's paying attention to their phone they get hit by something

they're always on Facebook no yeah oh you're saying if I thought you said have it for sure it's Facebook that's the platform

that's all old people geezers love Facebook they love it why is that fucking rules I know but why is it political arguments That's all old people. Geezers love Facebook. They love it. Why is that? Fucking rules. I know, but why? If you're a geezer, dude, just... But why is it for...

Is it political arguments? Like, what do they get into? Political arguments, you're like, what happened to everybody I knew ever? Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then all of a sudden, it's like, holy shit, this is what they're up to? Nice. Your kids look great.

Do you ever catch an ex stalking your Facebook? I don't have Facebook. I got rid of it. You don't have one? Yeah, I got rid of it. I don't have mine either. Good for you. I had one. I deleted it. And then I got a new one because I wanted to see a group, but I never go have Facebook. I got it. Yeah, I got my money I Had one I deleted it and then I got a new one because I wanted to like see a group

But I never I never go it's important for open micers because that's the only way you can fight all the other comics in a local scenes Facebook page Everybody just fights in there really well When you go off of Facebook for like years and go back on it's kind of eerie because then you see people Writing the same kind of stuff like two years later, and you go whoa that's kind of fucked up Yeah, it's kind of eerie because then you see people writing the same kind of stuff like two years later and you go whoa that's kind of fucked up yeah it's kind of like a big time suck it's definitely a time suck they're so addictive all these social media apps are so yeah watching people get fat on it's nice yeah slow you get to go back in their pictures and watch the trend you go oh man you're back to 2014 like let's go to the present. You go, ooh, boy. Ooh, you got sad.

You were sad for a few years, and I can see it. Well, during COVID, how many people just developed heavy drinking problems? Yeah, that must have been kind of fun to watch during COVID, people's unhinged Facebook. Yeah, I had friends that just were drinking wine every night, every night. And they were like, I think we got a problem. Yeah. Wine every night's, yeah. They they were like, I think we got a problem. Yeah. Wine every night's, yeah.

They're polishing off two bottles a night. Just hanging out. No, I know. That's what I mean. Just crushing. By yourself. Trapped in your house.

That was so fucked up we got trapped in our houses. That was crazy. Dude, I miss it. I loved it so much. Really? Did you? Dude, I was at my parents' house.

That kind of rules. Dude, I got, again, I got NCAA 14. I was playing Xbox in my parents' basement. Shit rules. You got again i got ncaa 14 i was playing xbox in my parents basement shit rules you didn't feel like a loser at all i how could you no one's doing anything yeah no fair that's the best part that's the best part no one's doing anything you can be a loser you're allowed to fuck off yes yeah everyone was fucking off it's like the world got a vacation yeah turns out the economy doesn't work that way. Turns out it is going to backfire quite a bit. It's real bad. I'll be all right.

You'll be fine. I'll be fine. You'll be fine. But outside of missing the days in the basement, this was two years ago. I was in my parents' basement. My mom would be like, dinner. Isn't it crazy that two years ago that happened? I would run up the steps, eat dinner.

Two years ago, we were all scared. Locked in. Yeah. Yeah, dude, I just had my first kid, and I had to make the call and just be like fuck this stuff dude and my wife's like if you fucking get this wrong I'm like nah dude don't worry what do you mean just being like I checked out the like the death rates and I'm like bro the odds are pretty good we'll be fine yeah and she was like well and I looked as soon as I looked up the

age I was like oh dude don't worry about this but I was like dude she was like you can't go out you know we said she was in, like, primal fear mode, and I had to be like, trust me, dude. I can go out and go cop these mushroom chocolates. It's very lucky that it's not scary at all for kids. Yeah, no, it's... Very lucky. It's fucking... It's ideal.

Yeah. Well, the flu is worse for a lot of kids. This is my thing. This is what I... I'm going to lose. You guys talk. This is my thing. Dude.

Here's my thing, dude. It's like, once they figured out it fucked the older people up big time. If I'm 80 years old, I'd like to think I would be like, yeah, I'll take it. But if you're like, I wouldn't tell my grandkids if they didn't know what it was. They thought in the beginning that it was going to stop transmission, stop people from getting infected, and that it was safe and effective. And so it made sense that everybody's like, you got it yet. You got it. Is that what it was going to stop transmission, stop people from getting infected, and that it was safe and effective. Yeah. And so it made sense that everybody's like, you got it yet. You got it.

Get it. Is that what it was? Yeah. It made sense. It totally made, the hysteria makes sense. People weren't given the best information. Do you ever see the CEO of Pfizer talk about it now? It's crazy the way he describes it.

He goes, one to two shots. See if you can find this, Jamie. He goes, one to two shots gives you very little protection, if any at all. And the third shot gives you reasonable protection from hospitalization and death. That's what he's saying now. That's what he said in some sort of a speech. I don't know when this was, but to hear him say it that way, I was like, I have never heard you say it this way before.

I've never heard anybody say it this way before. Yeah, again, it's already like, yeah, make heads or tails of it, but I don't know. When it came out, I was like, wait, I'm also scared of needles. When it came out, I was like, nah, I'll wait. Is that it right here? Two doses are not enough for Omicron. The third dose, quite good protection against deaths

and decent protection against hospitalization. What the fuck does decent mean, though? Yeah, that's such a crazy... It's weird to hear him say it, though. Yeah, it'd be like, you'll be kind of stoked on it. It's like, thanks, dude. But this is, I mean, again, I don't know. It's hard to know what's true,

but isn't it like a lot of the stuff... Aren't, like, are independent people allowed to replicate the studies Pfizer does or are they not allowed to? Well, they don't give you the actual raw data. They give you like when they do peer reviewed studies on peer reviewed reviews of data that the vaccine companies provide them. They don't get access to the raw data. They get access to the data that the scientific people that work for the pharmaceutical companies release. Yeah.

They don't get all the studies. They don't get, you know, the vaccine companies are allowed, or pharmaceutical companies, rather, with any sort of thing they do. They're allowed to... Is this it here? Okay, I'll play it here. The version that will be effective against Omicron as well. It's not that it will not be effective against the other variants, but against Omicron as well. And the hope is that we will achieve something that will have way, way better protection, particularly against infections,

because the protection against the hospitalizations and severe disease it is reasonable right now with the current vaccines as long as you are having let's say the third dose this vaccine will be ready in a month. Yeah that's not it. You don't understand what he's saying. I know he's an atheist. But now they're finding out that the new one, this bivalent vaccine, the new data shows that it's no more effective than the other vaccine. Well, do you ever get into the antidepressant stuff, how that, like, the serotonin hypothesis, that you're allowed to do as many studies as you want,

and if you get the one that kind of, like, is statistically significant, then you can be like, all right, that's our one, run it. And it's like, you could have, like, 800 dogs and have one good one and be like, we got the numbers. Go ahead. It's fucked up. And it's never been, as far as I know, the whole hypothesis hasn't been like proven to like a, even if you use like clinical significance, like does it actually work in theory? Like, cause when you like, when they're doing like p-values and shit, you can fuck around with math and just get like, oh, it's 0.05. And it's like, cool. Yeah. No, they, they. I doing like p-values and shit you can fuck around with math and just get like oh it's 0.05 And it's like cool. Yeah, no they they fucking hate p-values. They did it doesn't make any sense That it's a chemical imbalance they said there's no evidence as to chemical imbalance are we talking depression yeah, man

Oh, that's that was the bull that was the thing that they'd always said about the reason why SSRIs work Yeah, yeah, it combats a chemical imbalance. But now, find that. Find the paper that shows that there's no real evidence that there's a chemical imbalance. Did they ever figure out, when did they start putting kids on this stuff? Oh, man. True. When did Columbine happen?

They've looked at that stuff before. Because that seems kind of- Well, there was Chantix. Chantix was the anti-smoking, I think, one, and there was a lawsuit for that. What if school shootings really skyrocketed? Dude, all I'm saying is I don't want to say lie about the

SSRI thing, but it was like, dude, they didn't give the full picture on those. Then there was OxyContin. Depression is not caused by chemical imbalance in the brain. We don't know how antidepressants work there is no convincing evidence that depression is caused by serotonin abnormalities many people take antidepressants believing their depression is a biochemical cause

research does not support this belief the notion that antidepressants work by elevating serotonin levels is not supported by the evidence whoa by elevating serotonin levels is not supported by the evidence. Whoa. Dude, and they gave these, and the side effects of these things are fucked up. They're very bad. This is what's crazy. It carries, look at this.

Major depression is one of the most common psychological disorders affecting more than 23 million adults and adolescents each year. It carries economic costs in the hundreds of billions and is a major risk factor for suicide. The causes of depression have not been debated, yet a common explanation holds the culprit is chemical imbalance in the brain. This notion emerged, not coincidentally, in the late 80s with the introduction of Prozac. Jesus Christ, a drug that appeared to help in treating depression by increasing the levels of the brain transmitter serotonin. So it makes you feel better.

And so they said, oh, you must have a chemical imbalance. They just juice people up. Juice them up with serotonin. Like, yay! And that makes you feel better. I'm alright with it. It's fucked. With what? Just fuck it, dude. In a cubicle? Jack it up, dude. Take that it. It's fucked. With what? Just fuck it, dude. In a cubicle? Jack it up, dude.

Take that shit. Take fucking heroin. How many people do you know that are on Prozac? It looks like a good time. Almost everyone. Everyone you know is on Prozac? I think a lot of people are on anti-anxiety. I think a third of women are on it.

Women on Prozac? I think. Something like an antidepressant, I think. I think. I think it's a third of women. I bet you feel great. Yeah. Anti-anx it's a third of women. I bet you feel great in Yeah, well, I think it dulls you after I think at first it's like nice And then you it dulls you and from what I've heard you just stop feeling stuff about anything

And then you need to keep up in the dose and up in the dose and it increases your weight gain Because then you got to keep making all the serotonin and I think Serotonin is made from carbohydrates like it and you need carbs to make it so people gain weight because they start Fucking gorging themselves on snacks. Oh, really? And then you get, like, all this sexual dysfunction, ED. What about 5-HTP? There's serotonin precursors that you could take.

Maybe, but here's my thing. If they cause erectile dysfunction, how are you going to be happy without a boner? With SSRIs? Yes, big-time ones. How are you going to be happy without a boner, Pfizer? For real, every time I've done coke, I've been pretty happy, and a boner was Pfizer. For real, every time I've done coke, I've been pretty happy.

A boner was nowhere inside. Imagine them and Adderall. SSRIs and Adderall together. You literally don't have a penis. It would be an innie. You forget you took Adderall because you're hammered. You go to the bathroom, and chances are I'm at a football game or a stadium, so there's guys next to me.

You know what I mean? You go up to the urinal, you go. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? You go up to the urinal, you go, oh yeah. You just can't get out. News of this cannot spread. You're pissing all over your underwear and you want to put your mouth over the lip. Yo, your dick is fucking this big. You got to break the plane at that point.

At that point, you're going all the way, and your dick breaks the plane. Your penis is going up. You're pissing up. That's how small your dick is, dude. Prozac and Adderall could result in serotonin syndrome, a potentially serious condition. Unless closely monitored by a doctor, you should not take Adderall and Prozac together.

Yeah. Oh. You probably shouldn't take any of this shit. Yeah, well my dude- Let's try to have a good time. I'm pretty sure anxiety and depression are baked into the human experience. I don't think you can get away from them. Yeah, you sound like a good Catholic.

That's what I'm saying, man. That's what being Catholic's all about. I used to have wicked panic attacks when I was 23 And I was also a gigantic piece of shit, and it was the thing that like made me start thinking about my life I was like shocking in my- I was just like And if I had just gotten medication, I just would have kept being a giant piece of shit Mmm, so I'm always like, sometimes you gotta go through, you know what I mean? Yeah, you gotta slough through that stuff Yeah, I was a fucking piece of shit. How'd you pull go through it, you know what I mean? You gotta slough through that stuff I was a fucking piece of shit

I just fucking had to come to grips With the fact I was gonna die eventually When you say a piece of shit you were just Dude I was just a monster bro What were you taking? I was just like selling drugs Selling drugs? Yeah I was a bad kid

I had no excuse, I wasn't like my back to the wall I just got a couple jobs I was like I don't like this, I were selling drugs? Yeah, I was a bad kid. I had no excuse. I had, like, you know, I wasn't, like, I was, like, my back to the wall. I was just, like, I just, like, got a couple jobs. I'm like, I don't like this. I was like, I should sell drugs. What kind of drugs are you selling? Pretty much everything. Really? Weed was the mainstay.

But then I started, like, I got coerced into pills. I didn't even know what pills did. So, like, my friends would talk me into going and, like, finding pills for them. Turned into a whole thing, dude. It was bad news. How'd you get out of it? Just stopped, eventually. Wow. Just stopped, yeah. Patreon. Podcast. Patreon. and like finding pills for them turned into a whole thing dude it was it was bad news how'd you get out of it just stopped eventually wow it stopped yeah patreon podcast now we're good thank you patreon no it was i had like amazing i didn't know what pills did and i remember watching

a whole not even a whole but like it was an apartment complex and there's these two buildings full of like all these kids who were living there's a long story, but like I somehow got my hands on like Watson pharmaceutical drugs of fucking it was there of like it ins And like they were just I didn't I thought that I somehow got my hands Jugs of something happens how did that's never happened to me? Any jugs of open up a cabinet these jugs I've ever seen What's a jug of Vicodin? How many are we talking? Dude, you know when you're at the pharmacy and you look behind the counter and it's those big boys?

Oh, like a whey protein bottle? Yes. Like one of them big scoop protein things? Yeah. How much was that worth? Millions. At the time, it was- You're going to jail.

You're talking about this on the podcast. You're fucked. Statue of limitations. What is the statue of limitations? I don't know. Statue of limitations. What is the statue of limitations? I don't know. Statue of limitations. Statue? Statue of limitations, dude. I'm in the clear.

Shades got the shades on. It's time. It's over. Okay, here we go. Mushrooms kicked in. That's basically the thing. I was just a fucking nightmare. Turn on the jets. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. That was the thing. Statute of limitations. This is before the statute. Before the statute. So you, statute of limitations. This is before the statute.

Before the statute. The French gave us this. I was laying in bed just going, what the fuck am I doing with my fucking life? Having panic attacks. And it forced me to be like, yeah, it's probably a pretty bad idea. Everything's going wrong. So how'd you phase out of it? I just stopped.

It made me develop a sense of like, yeah, this is fucking other people up. And I saw people getting fucked up. And I'm like, I'm going to stop'm gonna stop doing you kept getting robbed the gunpoint And I kept getting robbed become times you get robbed gunpoint twice whoa twice twice after the first time like this is never gonna happen Yeah, that's the first time I went back the plug robbed me at gunpoint. He's like. I won't do it again I was like okay What's the plug dude who's your supplier oh? Your supplier robbed you at gunpoint.

Well, yeah, it was kind of a mess. I would give him money, and he would go get them. And then one time he came back without them, and I was like, dude, just have them. I was so scared of these guys. And I was like, you can just keep it all. I don't care. And he was like, how do I know you didn't set me up? And he pulled a gun out on me, and I was like, ugh.

And my roommate walked down and went, ah! And they both just ran out but yeah and so then you tried to buy from him again no I told him he like time passed he's like dude I'm so sorry I found out who actually robbed me he's like if you could come back I'll take care of blah blah you know I'll like make it worth your while and I'll just you'll never have to put any money up ever again and then what happened I just went back started you know then he happened to just pull his gun on me Then apparently he got in trouble for I think he tried to shoot at somebody

So I went back to pay him back one time And then some guy was like nah he's in jail He tried to shoot someone But you said he pulled a gun on you twice Once, a different guy pulled a gun on me But you said he said he would never do it again He didn't, it was true to his word So that guy would never do it again

Or the other guy did it. Some other guy. It was some guy. I was in a house and a guy came in with a gun. That stunk. What was this about? Weed. Pounds.

You just said, give me your weed? Yeah. It was kind of like one of those things where a guy comes in. He goes, oh my God, some guy happened to be behind me with a gun. Everyone get down. And I was sitting there like, this is bullshit. So then he just took the money, took the weed. and then he was like just like who the fuck you know he started telling me like i was on his territory and i was like dude come on man and i just sat

there and he just talked for like two minutes and he's like if you guys try to look out the window we're gonna there's people outside they're gonna shoot you he took all of her cell phones i did have a thousand bucks behind my back though i didn't tell him about so i got to keep that that's pretty sweet that was pretty a lot of people would have lost the composure thankfully that other guy pulled his gun on you before so you were dude no what no what happens though is you lose everything slows down and you're able to like I was in that the first time I just shit my pants the second time I was like looking at the kid who I never met before who I knew kind of set this up because I watched one kid I knew like being in a real state of fear and I watched

this other guy pretending to be scared all while this guy in a ski mask was like with a gun and it was just like fuck I really hope like the part of my brain like I might get shot just went offline and I was able to watch and be like I'm gonna fucking kill this little motherfucker when this guy you know blah blah blah but and so how long after

that did you stop a couple years. I was chasing the bag, dude. For real? I got robbed. I didn't make any money. I got robbed constantly. I was too trusting.

I got robbed by club one time. Club point. It sucked. Club? These guys were like, well, better ship it. Irishman with a shillelagh. He's like, oh, you better give me the weed. I said, weed?

He's like, not my c better give me the weed. I said, weed? You got not my cascada. Oh, not again. Fuck. Damn. Yeah, it's dumb. He's a nonviolent drug dealer. So how did you start making money when you quit? I always worked in construction and stuff, too.

I'd always have a side gig, so I never depended on one too much. So I could always say, like, fuck you to my job if I didn't like it. And if things got weird, I could be like, I'm not going to gonna do I would chill mmm. So I had a kind of like hybrid approach And how'd you get into podcasting? I was a comedian me and shame. We're just living together. I'm like dude Can we please do a podcast? I'm fucking dying here Yeah, I was just I mean I was what is it called getting in case we've got and Shane secret podcast but yeah, man, I was just, I mean, I was. What is it called again, in case we forget? Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. There you go. But yeah, man, that was, it's not the way.

That was not the way. No, it doesn't sound like the way. But I was. Sounds like you got some good stories out of it, though, and you lived. Pretty good, yeah. Pretty good. But I lived, I was living according to a fucked up system, and it was like things called mental disorders got me out of it. That's what I'm trying to say.

We're like, dude, this is, my body was like, this is fucked up. Dude, when you were crying? Tell that story. Which one? When you were crying after you tried to sell real estate oh dude yeah I was 19 I was a realtor I was like selling Percocets I'm like I'm gonna come a realtor and really expand my empire imagine 19 trying to sell your house I had a shake a shaved head and I would come in and like people would just be like yeah we're not gonna use you and I would come in and like people would just be like, yeah, we're not going to use you. And I'd cry in my car and be like, fuck, it's so fucking hard. You weren't going to use you?

We're going to buy the house, but we won't use you? They would say they were going to use me. And then I'd be like, sweet, I'm about to make $4,000. And I would like take a credit card and max it out being like payday's coming. And then they'd be like, yeah, we're actually going with someone else. And I'd be like, fuck, I'm fucking ruined. Isn't that a dirty move in the real estate world? Yeah.

But what happens he's 19 you're like yeah whatever well in real estate what people do is they go we'll get you like what did the other guy say he can get you for your house and they'll go pie in the sky cause they'll you'll just go oh yeah that sounds better but then they know it's not gonna sell for that but they sign you into the contract and they slowly

lower you down which kind of fucks you because that like first week's kind of important if they see you've lowered the price, then they go, oh, they're open to negotiation. Don't get me started, bro. I'm a fucking certified fucking realtor. You and Tim Dillons do a podcast just on real estate. Dude, I remember I was like, I'm going to start being a grown-up and reading the newspaper

and I open it up and it's like, subprime mortgage crisis. And I was like, what the fuck's that? That's Tim. Was he a realtor, too? It's all his fault. Oh, dude, he was all over that. He was a subprime mortgage guy. Was he really? Yeah,? It's all his fault Oh dude He was all over that He was a subprime mortgage guy Was he really? Yeah that's what he did

He fucked me He was in Long Island Didn't Tim have like Houses? Yeah That he was in? Well he had one house That got repossessed

Yeah He bought it for I think he bought it for like $600,000 When he was 21 years old Worth nothing And then they They took it from him

And then it sold for $250,000 So it was 21 years old worth nothing and then they took it from him and then it sold for 250 So it's like right after 2008 everything crashed He lost everything yeah, he's like why the fuck did they sell me a house? I mean he's exactly right there give me describes the city We did a podcast together recently his podcast that we filmed here, but the way he describes it. It's I listen like there's a good He goes everybody's at fault. You knew you couldn't fucking buy that house. True.

Like, why are you trying to buy that house when you don't have a job? And they sold you the house. Like, whoa, whoa, okay. And then they took it from you. And you're a victim? He's like, come on. You shouldn't have bought that house.

Fair is fair. But that's looking at it one way. Another way is looking at it like some family that, like, scrapes together money and the bank convinces them this can work out and then their fucking rates go through the roof and then they can't afford their house anymore now they're fucked yeah it is kind of a pot like once it's like the house is four hundred thousand dollars even if you have good credit you're like how much we're gonna pay it doesn't make any sense they're like over 30 years

you're gonna pay four hundred thousand dollars in interest you're like whatever man you crying in front of that real estate thing it was kind of it was one was one of our very close, that was like our bonding story. Oh, yeah. Him like sitting out there, he said he was crying after a deal didn't go through and a guy drove by on a bike. No, that was, pussy.

No, that was when I, while you were crying. That was when I, I was, when I got divorced. I used to go every day to my old, my house that I was living in when I was married and I'd walk the dog from my ex,

my ex-wife, because like, you know, she was at work and I didn't, I didn't want to like, you know, fuck her over. You love the dog too. I fucking love the dog from my ex my ex-wife because like you know she was at work and I didn't I don't want to like you know fuck her over you love the dog I fucking love the dog brother Akita fuck man I get choked up about that it's a great dog my wife knows it she's like how's it how's it how's the dog I go don't fucking bring that up dude chances are this is gonna reach that dog's ear the what what you're saying right now she showed me a picture your dog's

at home right now it's gonna go don't dude don't do it but yeah I used to drive I would go there I'd walk the dog I'd walk through the house and I'd be like god I'm a fucking piece of shit Fuck and I drive home and cry the whole way home And then I saw a guy jogging and I was like crying in my car and I was like Pussy out of the window. Yeah, I called him a pussy. I don't feel better He just like looked at me like what the fuck? Yeah, we had the same shorts

Bomb did helium I was driving back to our house and there was just a I'm like, what the fuck, dude? We had the same story. Nice shorts, pussy. I bombed at Helium. I was driving back to our house, and there was just a finance bro on a bike. And I was just driving by him, and I was like, pussy. And I hit a red light, and I saw him flying, dude, for like a mile. I saw this dude pedaling to catch up to me. My windows were down, and I had a thought. I was like, do I pull the window up? I was like, no.

I get whatever he's about to give me. I genuinely had that thought. I was like, he deserves it. Dude, he stuck his head in my window, and he goes, nice car, you fucking faggot. And then I went, oh. And we both started laughing, and he pedaled away. And I was like, yeah.

He laughed. That's funny. I mean, as soon as he hit me with what he said, and I didn't react by like, yeah, right, I laughed. I laughed. When he said it, I was like, yo. He laughed? He laughed. Oh, that's funny. I mean, as soon as he hit me with what he said, and I didn't react by like, yeah, right, I laughed. I laughed. When he said it, I was like, yo. Dude, I can't believe you said that. And he hit me with like a.

That's hilarious. It was such a nice moment. That's a good exchange. It was a genuine nice exchange. Yeah, like an aggressive exchange, but you both walked away feeling good. We both. For no reason. I was just leaving helium. I saw a guy on a bike, and I was like an aggressive exchange, but you both walked away feeling good. We both, for no reason, I was just leaving Helium.

I saw a guy on a bike and I was like, nice bike, fucking loser. And he caught up. He goes, nice piece of shit car, you fucking,

and he hit it. We used to yell out of car windows constantly. Yelling out of car, we used to live on Drexel's campus and it was back right when the woke stuff was starting.

It was the most fun shit in the world. We'd leave open mics. I'd be drunk just sitting out of a car. We'd pull up to a light. We'd leave open mics. I'd be drunk just sitting out of a car. We'd pull up to a light. There'd be college students. I'd be like, excuse me, could you please check your privilege?

Could you please check your fucking privilege? And people would be like, oh. It was so fun. The reactions were unbelievable. They would get like pissed. It would confuse the fuck out of them. Fuck you, dude. Dude, this is a hilarious exchange with this dude

who I guess is like this right-wing comedian. He goes to one of these Ukraine protests, and he brings a homeless guy, and he says, my wife's boyfriend is homeless. Why don't you help him and the homeless people here? And this guy legitimately tries to engage him. Like, why are we sending all this money to Ukraine when we have this homeless problem right here? My wife's boyfriend's homeless. And he's got this dude with his shirt off, and he's shaking his cup with change in it.

Like, come on, man, give me some money. I'm like, we donate some money to him. And the guy tries to engage about the problems with Ukraine, and we have a legitimate problem with Ukraine. I mean, what else do you do? I mean, what else do you do? But this guy is like that liberal, that liberal robot zombie repeating shit that he saw on CNBC just saying it. He's got no shot. If somebody comes with a homeless dude and starts fucking with you, if they're a tag team, you and a homeless dude roll up and start fucking with people?

It's just funny watching this guy trying to engage with these liberal Ukraine talking points. You know, what Russia has done is... Yeah, this is it right here. Give me some volume on this. Oh, my God. Oh, it's... You want America to send more money to Ukraine. What about this homeless man?

My wife's boyfriend. I need help. You think he needs help? I need help. Look at this guy. This is a rally in this part of ukraine what about the homeless people right here in america the only thing 100 billion dollars ukraine is allowed uh in this case i'm simply asking this of congress uh are you asking

congress for this yeah i think they should help the homeless instead of giving hundreds of billions of dollars to ukraine putin has been threatening to attack other countries including the united states damn hilarious that's just hilarious just watching that guy actually try to But he's struggling. Damn. Hilarious. That shit's hilarious. Just watching that guy actually try to engage him. Actually, Putin's been threatening to invade other countries. That guy's gone. Anybody out there is gone.

Yeah. That guy's gone, too. Well, the guy who's doing the video? No. Well, maybe. But the guy holding up a Ukrainian-a flag, that's an insane person. Yeah, kind of an altist, too, a little bit. Oh, yeah.

Or maybe not, though. He might just be clammed up. Something's wrong with him. What percentage of people do you think genuinely can't think for themselves? You see how this guy grabbed it? That is terrifying. A lot of people can't think for themselves. And not only that, but they've had jobs where they've been forced to like all day

Every day follow the rules, you know listen to the boss be told when to show up what to do Yeah, get into this drone mindset And then there becomes an ideology that everybody in your business shares and you have to share that ideology You get pushed out into the fringes of the social group And you have to share that ideology or you get pushed out into the fringes of the social group. That's it. Yeah. The attachment stuff fucks people up.

It fucks people up. And then, you know, they say, well, a good way to get brownie points is to tell people I protested. I protested. Yeah. I'm going to show up. I'm going to let everybody know that I'm with the cause. Yeah, the Milgram experiments were fucked up. Like two-thirds of the people just let him. They were like, yeah, I'll just shock this guy.

What was the Milgram experience? That was the one where they were like, the guy in'll just shock this guy. That was the Milgram experience. That was the one where they were like, the guy in a lab coat would be like, turn up the voltage now. As an authority figure. He'd be like, turn it up now. And then they'd be like, the guy would be like, no, help, please, it hurts. And the guys, the people would be like sweating and like,

they didn't want to do it on some level, but for some reason they just kept obeying this guy. Like if he was like an authority figure, do it now. Yeah. You must do that. He didn't yell or anything like you must do this and they're like fuck man And they were like and only like two third I think only I think a third of the people went like fuck this is fucked up Yeah, they would make it so the guy in the other room would pass out or die Yeah, he would go from screaming and screaming and screaming and then towards the end the guy would be silent

they'd be like shock him again these people off the guy would be silent. They'd be like shock him again. These people off the street would be like Overwhelming amount of people would just obey this got mindlessly obeyed an authority figure Do you think that's some program shit from back? We were hunter-gatherers probably follow rules Chief probably cuz yeah, if you got you got kicked out you would die buzz off you die Yeah, there's a thing that people have where they look to authority. That's why the Trump thing was so interesting. Because he's this big, larger-than-life character that has confidence. And he's telling you what's going on.

I'm your leader. I'm the best leader. Best one you've ever had. And he's doing this, and everybody's like, yes! And you find out the problems with the education system the chickens have come home to oh yeah oh yeah because there's there's millions of dummies millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of dummies in this country it's fucked up there they would take so much to boost them out of dummy hood so much

yeah you can't exploit them you have to do kids You can't take adults and like shatter their worldview or be like two things can be true simultaneously the average It's gonna go what the fuck you talking about dude some adults can handle it some adults can grow But it's hard to grow when you're working all day and if you're working all day in a place where you have to follow the rules and you have to like that stay in that mindset That we're talking about and be a part of that ideology very hard to stray outside of it yeah cuz who you gonna tell who you gonna pull aside you know if you're one of those right-wing Christian groups and

you know and you you go well maybe if someone gets raped they shouldn't have to carry a kid yeah and then they all surround you yeah you're talking about murdering murdering in the human life murdering your whole family's being like we're gonna fuck you up it's like the fucking the Westboro chick that got out of it oh yeah yeah she's on she was on this yeah he's on fucking Howard Stern's Hollywood squares really one of my favorite things you ever see this no it was the main Phelps was on that yeah it was the Phelps. I think their block was gay haters. It was like them.

It was like Gilbert Gottfried, Daniel Carver. One block was just called the retards. It was nuts. Yeah, that shit was wild. Look, what he did, I mean, look, people to this day, they make fun of Howard Stern because of who he is now and the way he behaves now. That guy's the man.

He was the fucking pioneer. When he was the king of all media and he was telling everybody to suck his dick and the FCC was going after him, the government was fining him. Yeah. They were fining his businesses fucking millions of dollars. Yeah. And he was out there doing wild shit on the radio. He was putting a Klansman on with fucking Young Thug. And now he's woke.

It's crazy. Trick Daddy? Trick Daddy. Yeah, he has to be, though, because, dude, the skeletons, that guy. Yeah, look at this. God hates. They were doing the Family Feud. Oh, and she escaped.

No, there's also Hollywood Squares, but yes. Okay. They used to bring them back all the time. You know, what's interesting, too, is that when you talk to Megan Phelps, this woman who left the Westboro Baptist Church, and she wrote a book, and she's so kind, like so normal and interesting. And she realized she had to get out. And she got out by meeting a guy on Twitter. Yeah.

Some guy on Twitter was like arguing back and forth with her. And so she engages with this guy and they start having like civil conversations and then they meet and they wind up marrying. What?

Yes. I mean, she's a little, she's very nice, man. That's Bonk City, dude. Yeah, but dude, she's very nice. Unfortunately for her.

If you met her, she's super nice. She's a pretty lady. She's pretty. She's smart. But she was raised in the Westboro Baptist Church. Like that takes,

for her to get out of that takes that's crazy Well, no nice would be this she was confronted by actual biblical lessons This guy would like confront her with like actual biblical stuff So this is not what God said is not one what's in the Bible like what they're doing what Freddie helps is doing is wrong It's it's against Jesus's teaching and she's like showing him and then he smashed and then he smashed her pussy with his penis nice i probably got married first for sure almost definitely quickly but how nice he was butting her up with the proverbs dude baby baby baby dude while they're fucking just like, song of songs. Eight, 13.

Yeah, that's pretty cool that he did that. He got her out. You could get sucked into anything. If you're in it when you're young, you get indoctrinated. I mean, that's how every fucking cult does it. Yeah. There's so many of them that can do it.

Voice of authority. This is the rules rules everybody follows the rules You know yeah, so you know you're drinking the fucking cool it Fuck it everyone else here is killing themselves. They got young kids badly though They somehow hijacked the definition of being cool, and it's like you gotta love government and big corporations And then you're cool Lot of them are fucking warped on it. Yeah. I don't think that's sustainable.

They're going to get their dreams shattered over and over and over again, and they're going to come out of it on the other side and realize they got fucked. Yeah. But putting your faith in the pharmaceutical drug companies and the government and- Dude.

And then the climate crisis crew that's trying to make money off that, all of it is just like, you're carrying water for people that have been stealing money forever. Forever and ever and ever on both sides. On both sides. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. It's fucked up.

For fucking sure. It's fucked up. They're all dirty. That's why it's interesting when you watch this Biden thing. It's like, oh, the machine's in motion. Oh, with the papers and shit. All they got to do to get rid of him is let him give an interview Well, they're letting him talk. It'll be gone. They're letting him do this now. They were they were hiding through the entire You know like during the presidential campaign remember when he was hiding. Yeah, basically hiding he did one Adderall up debate

Trump dog was Adderall up in the first one. They're all Adderall the Trump dog was Adderall-ed up debate? Trump dog was Adderall-ed up in the first one. They're all Adderall-ed up. Trump dog was Adderall-ed up. He wouldn't shut the fuck up. All he had to do to win the debate was shut the fuck up and let Biden talk. He did a great job in the second one. Second one he dominated. First one.

It was too late. It was too late. It was too late. He acted like a fucking asshole in the first one. Yep. And the whole country saw it. Yep. I was watching it like, dude, shut the fuck up.

Let Biden not be able to talk. That's all you have to do. He doesn't make facial expressions. He could have just went. The problem also, this is the real problem. The debate format is ridiculous. Oh my God.

If you are talking to someone who is going to be the president of the United States and you have five minutes to say what you're saying or 30 seconds or a minute, whatever. Any kind of time constraint like that is ridiculous. When Lincoln used to give speeches,

they would do it outside with no mic for hours. They would talk for hours and hours and hours about what they wanted to do and how they wanted to do it. And then people would sit there and listen to it. And you get an understanding of what the fuck this guy's all about. You're getting these like, time is up, Mr. President.

Your time is up. And he keeps trying to finish the sentence. No. How do they not have real-time fact-checking? Well, they do, but now all of a sudden, that's kind of weird. Right, who does it? Snopes?

Exactly. They'll fact-check the one guy and not the other guy. And then you're sitting there going, wait, is that true? Well, a lot of things were fact-checked during COVID that turned out to actually be true. And they were fact-checked as false. And now we openly admit theed as false. Of course.

And now we openly admit the true. Yeah. But I'm saying if they get caught lying during the thing, it should be like, no, that's actually false. Yeah, but these independent fact-checkers, a lot of the fact-checks are very subjective, how they view the information. Yeah. It's funny, too. Those debates could be good, but the only guys that are willing to speak up and say... There's one from Ron Paul in 08.

That's like, damn, that was a good... That guy's Yang would come up and make a good point. The guys that are going to win don't even try to make a good point. They're just up there like... It would have been very interesting if Ron Paul won. If Ron Paul won, that would have been very interesting. That would have been very interesting. I don't even think he was... He was independent, have been very interesting. I don't even think he was.

He was independent, right? Is that where he ran? Yeah, but I don't even think he was nothing. No, but his ideas about non-interventionalist foreign policy, it resonated with a lot of people. Like, why are we the police of the world? Dude, he gave that speech. What are we doing?

In a debate, they're like, something about 9-11. And he went off on like, why do you think it happened? He's like, why? It was at a Republican convention where they're like, something about 9-11. And he went off on like, why do you think it happened? Yeah. He's like, why? It was at a Republican convention where everyone was like, boom, shut the fuck up. They hate our freedom. He's like, they don't fucking hate our freedom. Oh my God.

It was like a nice, it was like a good moment. It ended his career. Or his bid for the election, but. Yeah. It's pretty sick. His son's a badass. He stood up, tried to give a speech. His son is a badass.

You like rant. Yeah. Is that the guy who was. I's a guy I like Trump dog goes after Why do you want to get for yeah? That was a guy who's always attacking Fouch. Why did I try to write? He's attacking him about gain-of-function research and yeah, they're lying that was shady. Why did Trump get him? Yeah, why Trump get ran ran was it was in a debate and he was like I haven't gone off after your looks at all And trust me. There's a lot of material there. Rand's handsome.

And Rand Paul was just like, what? My looks? What are you talking about, man? Trump just was like, you're fucking ugly. I haven't made fun of you for being ugly. I could if I wanted to. He's not even ugly. He's a normal dude.

To have that kind of confidence with that head of hair is preposterous. Go after people's looks. Yeah, but it fucks you up so much. And you're literally wearing a mirage. Like, Rand Paul was literally like... Well, I think they would all approach it very differently now. They're probably like, oh, next time I'll get him.

Yeah, they've done it already. 2024, I'm gonna fuck him up. In a soundbite debate, they could never come near him. No. He's a master performer. I mean, he's a guy who's been speaking publicly forever. Forever. Yeah, and he's mean. He's ugly master performer. Yeah. I mean, he's a guy who's been speaking publicly forever. Forever. Yeah, and he's mean.

Yeah, he's mean. He's going to want to be like, yo, you're ugly as fuck. And he has comedy timing. Yeah, he does. Fuck. He'd be in jail. Boom. That was... Boom.

I mean, that was in a debate, and the crowd was like, ah. Boom. Because you'd be in jail. Ah. Yeah, that was pretty... And you see the moment when he thinks of it, his eyebrows kind of wiggle. When he got Hillary Clinton, or it was when he got Rosie O'Donnell. You could see him.

Because what's her name? Kelly? Megyn Kelly. She's like asking it. Had him, dude. She's like, I got you on this. You've called women this. You've called women this.

Not all women. You can see him go. Yeah. And he adjusts the mic, dude. As soon as he knows it, he goes, only Rosie O'Donnell. And the place. Yeah. Let's watch this.

There it is, dude. And disgusting animals. Got it. Your Twitter account. Only Rosie O'Donnell. For the record. Over. Destroy.

What did she say, though? For the record. It was well beyond Rosie O'Donnell. Yes, I'm sure it was. Your Twitter account. I'm sure it was. Yes, I'm sure it was. Just somebody 20. Yes, I'm sure it was. Just somebody telling you facts.

It's also super hot lawyer Megyn Kelly. The prototype of the Fox blonde, super hot assassin lady. Oh, God. To me, they're the hottest. They sent her. They're super hot Republican ladies on Fox. They're the hottest. They're the hottest women alive. I went to Mar-a-Lago. They're so hot. I super hot Republican ladies on Fox I went to Mar-a-Lago. Oh, I was tomorrow. There was ten of them walking around. They're just around

They're so hot. They're the hottest women alive those Fox BOTS They fucking sit there I had this whole bit about like Megan Kelly's literally wearing a vagina. Yes. I mean, it's not even a good curtain, like a blackout curtain you'd have in a theater. It's like the little curtain grandma has over a kitchen window sill where the window's open.

Talking about the sun shining through. Whispers in the breeze. Sun's coming through a little. A small amount of cloth between that and her underwear, which is just this

tiny little piece of cloth that's over her vagina. Don't get me through. You're trying to get me hard. You're not posing, guys. And they all have beautiful legs and their whole leg is exposed. Yeah. No man could ever dress that way.

You see their feet. You see their toes. And their legs are crossed. I mean, it's a preposterous way of dressing. You have full cleavage. Arms are exposed. There's so much skin. It's a weapon.

It is wild, though. The attire that women are allowed to wear in certain situations is so sexual compared to what men wear. Men cover up, suit, tie. That's a man dressing nice. A woman dressing nice. You can see half of her tits. You see most of her legs.

You see her feet. You see her toes. You see her painted little toes. Perfect little feet. God damn, Joe. Her long arms. Stop. Flowing hair.

And she's wearing makeup. Like full face. I'm about to get in that fucking ice bath. Let's go. You better slow down. She's looking at you in the eyes like, I'm mad. And you're like, fuck, I've been so fucking bad. You're right.

I know you're mad. Lips a color that only exists in flowers. Yeah. Did you ever get into Supernormal Stimuli? What's that? How they trick butterflies into dedicating their whole lives. Yeah, this is all I've ever wanted. We're fucked up.

For real. For seven years. This is the moment, dude. I was wondering how he would do. I knew you were going to do this, dude. He sent me the longest fucking text message. I was so afraid. Bummed out that he's asking me to have you come along.

And I was like, yeah, for sure. I know, but it was like this long thing. No, it's not. It was like eight texts. That's what kind of guy he is, dude. It is risky because you don't know. You'd be like, this motherfucker is fucking changing my show. Yeah, but he knows me.

I know we're friends, but like it's still like a, hey, you want me to bring another guy? It's kind of. No. Yeah. I know. Let's go. But I also knew, I knew in my heart of hearts, Matt would rise to the occasion and say things like, have you ever heard of super stimuli or whatever bullshit that was? Dude.

No, it's a real. I knew it was in there. It's fucked up to think about because so they, they would, they, you can attract people. You can attract species to, you find what they're innately attracted to and you produce a version of that that's so pumped up. Nature can't reproduce it, and it hijacks your biology. Like Doritos. Like fake tits. Yes, fake tits, Doritos.

They would get these butterflies that are like the deeper the shade of purple, like some type of butterfly. The males would follow this. They would go to that to mate with the female, and they started getting these dark purple construction papers. These male butterflies would dedicate their whole lives to just like floating around this piece of paper and they'd die. Oh. And then we have human beings who are getting like hit with the same shit. Like flavor blasted goldfish.

That's outside of nature's capacity. Right. That makes sense. And then you get hooked to the fake thing and it hijacks your biology and you're like, I want that. Sour Patch Kids. Yes, dude. Corn and Doritos. It's over. I start eating Sour Patch Kids. Yes, dude. Corn and Doritos.

It's over. I start eating Sour Patch Kids, I can't stop. I go, just one. Just one. And the next thing, I eat a bag of candy and I'm sitting there having a fucking diabetes attack. Dude, if you go into a convenience store, 99% of the shit is bad for you. Yeah.

It's bad for you. You can get some beef jerky. It's pretty good. You can buy a bottle of water. That's it. Bottle of water, beef jerky. You got to buy those hard-boiled eggs that are in a plastic bag at a gas station. That's if you got your head on straight.

That's actually a safe bet. Woodman. No, that's actually a safe bet. Dude. The hard-boiled eggs are a pretty good bet. You know why? Because, first of all, you can keep eggs for a long time. Eggs you can leave on a counter.

They don't go bad the way they are. They're encased, right? Yeah. and then when they cook it once they cook it It's boiled all the way through so you don't have to worry about salmonella put that bitch in a fucking not where I'm saying the But the societal repercussions of eating it publicly Outweigh the nutritional dude. I was with a guy who we were on a road trip He got he got in the car started eating fucking eggs out of a plastic bag Me bro, I was with a guy who we were on a road trip. He got in the car and started eating fucking eggs out of a plastic bag at a gas station. That's me, bro. I was like, we're done, dude.

You and me. Hard-boiled eggs. That's me. That's it, dude. I would 100% eat that. Not only would I eat that, I would be flocked to that. I'd be like, ooh, that's what I'm looking for. Peeled and ready to eat.

Perfect. Let's go. I'd eat five of those. Peeled it. What the fuck? Somebody else peeled it. This is out of control. No preservatives.

No preservatives. Those are the worst. Perfect. You don't. No preservatives. Those are the worst. Perfect. You don't have to preserve them. Those are the scary ones. You go to a southern gas station. I just bought a jug the other day. I went to the gas station.

I was at the gas station and they had eggs with jalapenos in them. I was like, oh, spicy boiled eggs, spicy pickled eggs. Let's go. What are the farts, though? Whatever. True. They're terrible. It's whatever you want.

I mean... That's exhaust flames, dude. That's absolute exhaust flames. The most terrible farts... In a Tesla, just eat fucking gas station eggs. That's protein, dude. The most terrible farts that I can make are pasta with, like, meat sauce.

If I have pasta with, like, sausage with the tomato sauce and If I have pasta with like sausage with the tomato sauce and a giant bowl of spaghetti. I'm hitting, so I'll eat sausage or something before a show. Now I'm drinking Bud Light's. Now we're going into the show. I'm burping in the front row. It's an hour long show. I'm literally on stage going

I see people in the front like How many times have you ever farted on stage and knew it was horrific? Never, dude. You farted on stage? I farted on stage once. God, man. You must have been so comfortable. It was so bad.

It's awful to fart on stage. I was so embarrassed. I moved to a different part of the stage. Pretend it wasn't me. Did you stop talking while you're farting, or did you... I don't remember. It was a long time ago, but I remember it was so bad that I was like, oh no, I gotta get away from this I've been chasing I've been not been able to fart on stage. I think you do we've been discussing this I go right to Mike

I'd go to Mike and you gotta fart into the mind of what Joey did that before in the OR So I'm talking this dude hold on hold on Did it work imagine is a crowd going oh we died like people must be like what was that? It was at the store in the OR the store in the OR is basically doing stand-up in a prison colony the store and the OR. The store and the OR is basically doing stand-up in a prison colony. It's like, the people are savages. Like, they're so accustomed to, especially back then, they were so accustomed to just this

wild comedy and Brian Holtzman and all these different fucking people going up slaying and talking about all kinds of crazy shit. It's dark as fuck in there. You can't see anything. It's the best. It was perfect. That club today? Yeah, it's a different animal. Hopefully we can get that going. It's best. It was perfect that club today. Yeah, it's different animal. We can get that going Oh, yeah. Yeah, those types of rooms. Yeah, I thought you meant that club the store. Yeah, how about that place?

It looks nice, right? Yes, we're close if you can get a room like that where guys are farting in mics This country might have a chance dude, we got a chance that's the new Liberty Bell It actually might be the Liberty Bell. It's the Alamo for comedy. It really might be. Yeah, it is. That's what Louie called it. The Alamo?

He said, you're building us an Alamo. Yeah. Sweet Lou. It is fucked up, dude. I mean, dude, it's literally the sign of totalitarian oppression to be like, yo, seriously, don't fucking joke about that. Yeah. Don't joke about that.

Don't joke about that. It's dangerous. And people don't realize that, but people have realized that throughout history. The Lakotas had a sacred person in their tribe called the Heyoka who would make fun of everything. I would have fucking hated that guy. Oh, that guy sucks ass, dude. And he would hide behind it, too, like comedians. It's just a joke.

He'd be like, Heyoka, okay, dude for real stop Shitty Indian you can't catch anything this every day the heyoka stands up like if you fucked up They'd give you a fucked-up name you had it like it would be your name until you prove them up through the fucking uh Empire the summer moon yeah, dude their names were like dog pussy yeah it wasn't as magical as we like to think it was it was like dog dog dick yeah come over here well when you read about what they did to each other you're like oh jesus christ like we this idea that there were these peaceful people that were living together living off the land and yeah some were. That's the thing. But they didn't last. Well, they got raided by the other ones.

Dog Dick and his buddies would show up and fucking drag you and your kids off without hitting a horse. They would go on raids just like the Vikings did. They were raiders. The Comanches, especially the people that lived here, they were raiders. That's what they did. They'd get together in giant groups of horses.

And the other thing they would do that's fucked up, they caught guys. Like they caught guys slipping, like some US guys were trying to make their way across. They would cut their horses loose in the middle of the night. And so they would stampede their horses out so they'd never get their horses back.

And then they would slowly follow them from a distance while they starved to death. Jesus, man. They would watch them and mock them. So they'd be on horseback at the top of a ridge just a few hundred yards away laughing at them. And these dudes are walking, no water, don't know where they're going, no horses. It's a guy from fucking Pittsburgh. Just walking.

Just walking. God damn it. I've been to a baseball game. Just wanted to pay for education. Yeah. Just the government was going to pay for his college. It's like, this is great. Great deal.

God damn. Now I'm out here starving to death in the plains. Yeah. And you don't see shit. You're just walking. It's just flat forever. Yeah, it's shit. It's flat forever.

Planes suck. There's no houses out there. This is the early days. No one had even moved there yet. That was the scariest part of that book about the Donner party where there was like the scary part about crossing the plains was like a kid would get off the wagon and like walk. They'd be lost immediately. The grass was high enough.

You'd lose a kid and you couldn't stop. You'd be like, oh, the kid's gone. Oh, God. They'd be lost. Yeah. It was like a desert with like grass that was up to here. So children were just gone. Jesus Christ.

There were snakes. Everything sucked. Everything gone. Jesus Christ. There were snakes. Everything sucked. Everything sucked. Wolves. Mow lions. Bears. A dog came and ate your family. Pack of them.

Just a bunch of dogs carried your sister off. Your mom dies from diarrhea. Everyone's diarrhea, dude. Oh, my God. You didn't know where it should go. Everyone's just shitting around the camp, drinking out of the water. Oh, my God. You didn't know where it should go. Everyone's just shitting around the camp, drinking out of the water. Birds are falling.

Birds are going at you. You don't have time to boil the waters or just drink out of the creek. Shit blows. Dysentery. Now all of a sudden, Indian fucking Comanche start following you. Yeah, and they follow you slowly. They let you know you're around. They're like, we're going to rape you in about a week. Yeah.

God damn it. Your wife's nagging. Slowly circling you. You're not even going to fight them off. Look at them. That's a man. Oh. Oh, no.

Imagine the sourpuss on one of your wagon wheels breaks. And you're like, how the fuck do I fix this again? She's like, meh. You have no idea what you're doing. What a sourpuss, dude. Just kidding. Your wheels are made out of wood. Explode.

You're making your way across the entire country on wheels made out of wood with horses pulling you. And you hope the horses stay alive because you only got a few of them. And a full family. Full family. With kids. And then you'd have a kid. Oh, yeah. Along the way.

And then your wife would get pregnant on the way. Obviously, yeah. Obviously. Obviously, yeah. Obviously. Obviously, dude. Well, that Cynthia Ann Parker story, the woman who was nine years old when her whole family was slaughtered, and they would take the young ones and integrate them into the tribe because the Comanche lost a lot of children, a lot of mothers while they were pregnant. The baby never came to term because they were riding horses, so they were bouncing around all the time,

and they're fucking, you know, a lot of impact. So their populations, it was very important to keep a high population so they would bring in people that they captured. That's what the Amish do. That's what the Amish do. The Amish do that, too? I've heard.

They go on raiding parties? I've heard they snag kids. They'll come down to Mechanicsburg. They'll raid us. I've heard. If they see, like, a mom all drunk and fucked up, I've heard. I don't want to slur the Amish,

but I've heard they'll fucking snag kids. Yeah, they need some new blood, man. You really heard this? I have heard this. I've heard, I don't want to slur the Amish, but I've heard they'll fucking naked. Yeah, they need some new blood, man. You really heard this? I have heard this. I've heard people wear it. What bar was it? My brother's boy. It's a fun thing to say.

It's a fun thing to say. It's like folklore. It's nice having the Amish. I like having the Amish wherever we're from. Me too. That's what separated us growing up. It was you,

you where you lived, Amish country, me. Now we'd have the Amish. What's that thing that they get to do when they turn the Amish where we're from. Me too. That's what separated us growing up. It was you, you where you lived, Amish country, me. Now we'd have the Amish. What's that thing that they get to do when they turn into- Rumspringa. That's wild. They get to stay on Rumspringa as long as they want. And then they can come back. It's not like a year.

It's as long as they want. And then they come back. You can be like 38 and be like, all right, Rumspringa's done. Whoa. Yeah. But your parents will shun you. Oh, really? So they can't talk to you.

Yeah, you can get shunned real hard. If you fuck up real bad, people, everyone? So they can't talk to you. Yeah, you can get shunned real hard. If you fuck up real bad, people, everyone you know just won't talk to you. But how do you even know? They block you, basically. They're not on social media. They block you. They don't have phones. How do they even know if you're upset?

Yeah, just old school accusations. Just like, dude, he smells like booze. Yep. Or if you go like, all right, mom. That's not what I mean. I mean, how do you even know if they're mad at you? You're not around them. Oh, no, you're not on Rumspringer.

Like, that's a big thing in the Amish community. Right, but what I'm saying is how do they know the parents are mad if they're out running around because the parents don't have phones? No, they don't. So they can't call you. Pure Rumspringer. He's saying when you get back, if you fuck up within the community, you will get shunned. Yeah, like, everyone will stop talking to you.

It's like a punishment they do. For how long? I don't know. I think they'll do it for a while. You'll come back, hey, mom, and she'll just go, turn her back. Hey, dad.

Hey, Paul. Hey, Paul. He'll go. Hardcore. I like that, though. Then I'd go to my room and fucking fap, dude. Just whack off.

I'd take off my Huckleberry Finn pants and be like, nice. But you have to do it to memory. True, but I mean- You have to fap only to memory. I mean, you probably got some rich databanks, nice. But you have to do it to memory. True, but I mean. You have to fap only to memory. I mean, you probably got some rich databanks, dude. They probably have some drawings they can show you. I bet those dudes, dude, it doesn't matter how religious you are.

If you're a young boy trying to whack off, you're getting your hands on something. Those boys got a hold of some porn, dude. Who's ever gone the longest in the 20th century jacking off just on memory? Dude, I haven't watched porn since August. That's not that long. That's pretty fucking long, dude. You do it, dude. That's not that long.

People do that accidentally, dude. What? That's normal. I was having dreams about it. You having dreams about porn? Yeah, when I first stopped, dude, I was having dreams about porn. Dude, it was hard. That was tough for me to stop doing.

What made you want to stop? I thought about getting caught because I've gotten caught before by my wife, which, you know, whatever, fair game. But like, I thought about getting caught by my kids. I'm like, I'm definitely going to get caught. And I went, I'm stopping this now. Yeah, you're a stopping now guy when you see a problem.

Stopping now with drug dealing, stopping now from jerking off. Yeah, I'm still fat. What about when you go to a hotel room now? See, when you see a problem. Stop it now with drug dealing. Stop it now from jerking off. Yeah. I'm still fat, though. What about when you go to a hotel room, though? Bro. See, that's the thing. Bro, when we're done this. That's the thing.

But then do you bust out the porn? No. Then I wanted to so badly today. That's the final frontier. Not looking at the porn in the hotel room is tough. It's impossible. Only I'll know, but I can't. I can't do it.

That's the first. If I do it, I'll tell people. That's the thing, though. But you can't get caught. You said your worry was that you were going to get caught. Yeah, but also I've been a big hard-o about being like, I quit porn. I've said it in public, so now if I go back on it, I'm going to get crushed. You're a prisoner to your statements.

Yeah, but also it's not bad. Once you stop, it is easy. You're like, oh, yeah, I don't need it. I don't need to do this. Sounds like you're the guy who needs it. I think it does. Brother? He keeps talking to me about this and every time I'm like Who cares? It's a mental challenge.

Like I genuinely don't think about it or care about it. I'll- I didn't- Some dudes get addicted to it. Yeah, but I live with my girlfriend. I don't watch porn when we're together. I was home the last two weeks I didn't whack off once to porn. I've been known to slink off dude. As soon as I got to this hotel in Austin Oh. Yeah. Oh, ah, ah, ah. I was home the last two weeks. I didn't whack off once to porn. As soon as I got to this hotel in Austin,

I was... It was time. You forget how good porn is, dude. You look at it, you're like, yo, what is she? She got stuck. She's stuck in the dryer. That shit rules. You forget, dude. How many girls get stuck under the bed looking for

an earring? Dude, it's not a moral grandstand. It's just I want to build my willpower. My willpower is weak. No, it's not, dude. It's weak, dude. You got nice willpower. But you quit selling drugs and you quit watching porn. You have good willpower.

You have great willpower. It took a while. And also, it took some bad events. Yeah, but you did quit. That's what willpower is about. Also, he's discussed what type of Pern he's into What kind? I was just into everything, brother

I went down some dark alleys What's the darkest? The T's, brother The T's? The fucking T100s T1000s? What's that? What are you talking about? What's the term there? T1000s? He ran into some T1000s When the boys become girls.

When the boys become girls and the boys... Oh, the T's. Trans. He liked the T's. That could be an issue. Joe, I'll tell you, it is. You don't want to get caught with that stuff. Well, here's the thing.

It's just a ramping up of like... I'm talking about supernormal stimuli, dude. That's why I'm so passionate about that. It's like your brain, you need the edge. This was my problem with it. I didn't have a drug problem i could never like stop drugs or whatever but then it's like you get the blood flowing on sex stuff it's like that's not getting to flow and you go to like something a little bit more kind of out there and then you finally you

land on those shores and you go my god my god where am i gone i was like trying to assemble the raft it's all fucked up one of our first episodes Is he's explaining He watches it And I was like What the fuck And then he was like Give it a shot So I was like

I'm open minded I tried to whack off the T-porn I opened it First thing's first I'm watching a dude Like you can see his clavicles While he's fucking Or her

You know what I mean Like you can see the clavicle I was just like Ew Dude I turned it off immediately I can't believe I have a strong imagination

I have a strong imagination That's disgusting I have a strong imagination No I'm honest though. I was just like, ew, dude. I turned it off immediately. I can't believe how weird that is. I have a strong imagination. That's disgusting. I have a strong imagination. I'm honest, though, dude. I was like, this is fucked up. I saw one fucking dude on top with tits, but you could still see the clavicle and the Adam's apple, and I was like, ew. You sought that out, dude. You sought that out. I don't know which ones to search. I know. I'm fucking around.

But I will say, dude, I'm telling you, it's a silent epidemic, dude. I'm not projecting this onto the masses. It's a silent epidemic? I believe so. Dudes into tees? Yes. I truly believe so. I truly believe so.

And, dude, actually, no, if you read the book, what is it, fucking A Billion Wicked Lives, A Billion Wicked Thoughts? Where they crunch the fucking metadata from the internet, and it's like, it's due in numbers, dude. Someone's crunching the metadata on trans porn? On all porn. All porn. Dude. Well, what's fucked up is the porn stars.'s crunching the metadata on trans porn. On all porn. All porn. Dude. Well, what's fucked up is the porn studies.

That sounds like one of those Pfizer studies. They try to find the right result. We're crunching it. Matt, please stop acting serious right now. Matt, what are you doing? You're pretending to be serious about this. And I want you to stop. He's crunching metadata with a pen in his hand.

He's got a pen in his hand, and he's fucking hovering it over the paper. He's talking about metadata. Bro, he's waited so long to be on this show. And now pen in his hand and he's fucking hovering it over the paper. He's talking about metadata. He's waited so long to be on this show. And now he's here and he's like, I'm telling you, they crunched numbers on T-Port. We didn't have to bring this up. I like it. It is good.

It's a jolt of electricity. Dude, it's your fucking sexuality at stake and I'm fucking hetero as hell. I get it, bro. But it's like, bro. I believe you. Thank you. I know a lot of people listening are not going to believe you.

I need to hear that from you right now, Jokes. I'm in a dark place about this. Bro, how nice would it be to get back to the hotel and just T-porn it up? No, I'm telling you. Get dirty. I'm not making it up. You go off of it. You kind of de-escalate the fucking dopaminergic drive towards more and more of crazy.

And then you go, yeah, I'm cool in that. It's no shit. That's what everyone does. They look at it and go, whoa. You can just go to a karma-free stepmom-type porn where you got a 45-year-old lady. She's banging a 20-year-old college student. The college student's in town. Dad goes to work oh my neck

hurts could you give me a massage the coolest shit possible the 20 year old kid doesn't want to do it like it's kind of fucked up my dad be upset he doesn't have to know can you rub my lower back yeah yo yeah that'll you know that hot 45 year old who your dad isn't fucking anyway that's what she says she says he never fucks see isn't that better so much bigger than him it's so much better but never fucks me. See, isn't that better? You're so much bigger than him. It's so much better, but I'm saying when you... Some guys can't drink. You're so much bigger than him. It's so much better. Some guys can't drink.

Some guys can't drink because they stay out all night. I can't, dude. I just fucking... You couldn't do one bump. When we were talking to William Montgomery, we were talking to William Montgomery in the green room last night and William Montgomery's been off of coke and booze for quite a long time, and they showed a picture of him when he was fat and drunk, and I was like, one bump of Coke. How bad would it hurt you?

Maybe you should get back a little bit. Every now and again. And you can see him looking at his face like, I'm kidding. Don't do it. I'm like, don't do it. You're doing great. You guys have the same playbook. You guys have the same playbook.

That's my favorite thing to watch. You go, come on, man. You'll be all right. It have the same playbook. You guys have the same playbook. That's my favorite thing to watch. You go, come on, man. You'll be all right. It's the funniest shit. It's actually something I got to stop doing. Yeah, it's pretty funny, though. Why? Have you ever talked to anybody and you're doing something dark?

Every single time Adam Eget comes out with me, me and him get fucked up. He's trying to not drink. And he's like, I don't want to relapse. I'm like, dude, stop saying relapse. You drink. You drink? Every time, he's like, I don't want to relapse. I'm like, what are you talking about? You got to fuck those up. When he's in the green room, we always offer. You drink. Every time. He's like, I don't want to relapse. I'm like, what are you talking about?

You got to fuck those. When he's in the green room, we always offer him a drink. He's like, no, no, no. Oh, I forgot to tell you. This is what he did yesterday. It was Adam Egan's birthday, and he spent the day. I texted him earlier, and he was playing Madden, and he was winning 150 to nothing. What?

He was running the score up on the computer on the easiest level. Just to be a winner on his birthday? On his birthday. I mean, it was the weirdest, kind of the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard.

He's a great guy. He's the man, but he told me it was his birthday. Dude. And he was literally at his house in his apartment

playing Madden on the easiest level running up the score against the computer. When I first started talking about doing a club out here, he was the first guy. up the score. Against the computer. When I first started talking about doing a club out here, he was the first guy I called. He's the best. I didn't call anybody else.

He was the first guy I called. I called him and I said, I got a plan. Like as soon as I escaped LA, I was like, hey Adam, what are you doing? I'm like, I got a plan. He's the best. Oh, what Joe? He talks like Norm. He's got a little Norm. He's very nice. Such a nice dude too, man plan he's the best oh what Joe like that's my guy he talks like Norm

he's got a little Norm he's very nice such a nice dude too man he's the best I've known that dude forever he was one of the reasons why I went back to the store in the first place

he came well I knew him from the Tempe Improv he used to work at the Tempe Improv back in the day when I would roll through and then he showed up one day at the Improv

and had a conversation come back to the store he is the fucking man i love him he's the best you're there now i go you're there now huh yeah he's like it's different now come back yeah he's so funny he's funny too he's got a great eye for comedy he's gonna be an amazing like uh creative director you know he'll know like the good guys that have potential he'll know what they're doing wrong be able to get able to get them good spots and help them figure it out. We can have a great crop of people here.

We've got a great crop of young guys. I never considered really moving down here until I just got my taxes. Oh. I was instantly like, dude, Austin rules. For real. I was like, dude dude I'm not moving I love New York One season of

Actually making money One year of making money I was like What the fuck You can always visit New York I know Yeah That's what I like to do

I like to go to New York Hang out there for a few days Go to the restaurants Do some shows Get the fuck out Yeah I never lived in the city though I actually truly haven't

either i live in queens and i'm never home i do the road yeah i lived i lived in new rochelle because i needed a parking spot because i did the road so much i was i always had a car so i could i needed a car and i couldn't afford to live in the city and also afford a parking spot so yeah yeah hundreds of bucks a month yeah i just I just have an apartment in New York where I play video games three days of the week. Nice. That's it. Other than that, I'm on the road or doing shows at night. If I'm home, I'm like, I'm just going to hang out. Queens, huh? Yeah. How do you get in? To the city? I Uber. Really? Now? Yeah. You don't take a train? I used to, but it's like 45 minutes an hour. Oh.

How long is the Uber? 25 minutes. Oh. Yeah. How weird conversations do you have? Never. With Uber people. Headphones. Headphones.

Really? Always. Also, they're New York Uber drivers. Oh, okay. They're not down to talk. They're not talking. I remember when they were so mad that Uber showed up. The cab drivers were so fucking mad.

And now, that's all you see is Uber. You see so few cabs. Like, it's so much. The numbers are down. I wonder what the actual numbers are. But the visual numbers. It used to be cabs everywhere. It was like most of the traffic was cabs.

And now you drive around. You're like, what a weird system, right? Like, we'll drive you. Yeah. You don't need to drive. Just get in. Tell me where you're going. Yeah, Philly made the

Uber pay them like $250,000 a year because they sell, they call them taxi medallions. You have to buy a license and the license were worth a lot of money. And then once Uber came in that nobody, it's like a liquor license but for like driving taxi cabs. And they just plummeted. They're like almost worthless

now. Wow. Philadelphia Parking Authority owns the cabs and they're like, you got to pay us 250. You don't like them, do you? No. It's fucked up. Uber? No, no, no.

Uber's fine. Philadelphia Parking Authority. PPA. Dude, we have a fucked up thing going on there. What's going on? They'll just, if you get parking tickets, they'll just come snag your car. And like the parking, they double and value, it's really fucked up. And then they just sell your car.

What? And then they charge you money. I've gotten like two cars taken what fucking they're like $500 $500 take them now you just go fuck you guys one time I went back cuz you had a you had a right like what you could go get your valuables out of your car before they Sold it at auction so I went back you had to fill out a piece of paper What was in there? And I put like a giant dildo and I put all this stuff they they had to take it back to their guy and have it written off on his pretty

sick. Nice. You got him. Pretty tight. Suck our dicks, PPS. Yeah, fuck you guys. Yeah, but they'll take your shit and just repossess it and then- How many tickets do you have to have before they take your car?

Now it's like two or three, dude. What? Yes. So you have a BMW. You got a new BMW. Yes. You get two or three tickets you don't pay and they put a boot on you and they take your car.

Yes. And they sell it off. And then they charge you every day they have it. And then if you can go back and basically buy it, like you can pay them. They hold it like hostage and you can pay them to take the boot off and they won't tow it. But if you're late, they'll tow it. And then you gotta go down to a lot. You gotta call a bunch of people, like

figure out where your car is. And then you go down there and you pay for them. They give it back to you. Now if you don't pay it back in time, then they sell it off at auction. They get a ton of money doing it. And they can also do a thing where they've taken my dad's car where my brother owed money because they had, like, the same name. And they're just like, sorry, dude, it is what it is. You've got to pay us and come get your car.

Dude, it's criminal. Even if it's not your car? Your kid's car? But they both have the same first name. So they're like, oh, it was a mistake. But they're like, you've still got to pay, and it's not your car? Yeah. Your kid's car? Yeah, but they're both, they both have the same first name. So they're like, oh, it was a mistake. But they're like, you still got to pay. And it's like, you know, like, fuck it. You still got to pay even though it's a mistake?

You can't, there's nobody you can talk to. It's the Wizard of Oz. You go up to like blacked out glass and just talk to a lady who's just like 365 bucks. Dude, I got my car towed when we were filming Gillian Keys. I was supposed to be on set. I walked to my car in the morning. Car's gone. Go out there. It is, I had to my car in the morning. Car's gone. Go out there.

It is, I had to go to like a dock. Yeah, dude. The car was just behind like an old warehouse. I had to talk to, behind the glass, there was just a black lady. I was like, hey, where's my car? She was like, get out. She was just screaming at me. It was a battle.

It's crazy, man. I thought that story I was going to tell would be better. No, you have to get, when you go down there, it's like a barbed-wired fucking fence, and you go in, and someone's mean as fuck. It's crazy the way they do it. And then they control all the parking in the city. They set up all this stuff. They're bad.

And apparently, from what I've heard, the money doesn't even go to the city of Philadelphia. It actually goes to some GOP. It goes to the state, weirdly, or part of it goes to the state. Really? If you try to look up the PPA, weirdly, or part of it goes to the state. Really? If you try to look up the PPA, they say it's a quasi-governmental agency. So when you try to follow where their money goes, it's kind of really hard. Should we Google this, or we should just take your word for it?

Look it up. Look it up. Yeah, look it up again. It sounds like that one we might want to substantiate. Yeah, true. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. But fuck them anyway. But, dude, I've been beefing with the PPA.

Fuck the PPA. I've been beefing with the PPA forever. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, but fuck them anyway. Fuck those guys, dude. Yeah, they are posies, dude. They took my 88 Camry, dude. Me and my brother bought twin Camrys for $1,000. We bought two 88 Camrys off this old lady, and we were bopping around together.

She had two? Why'd she have two? I had no idea. Swapping parts. You guys got matching Camrys. Matching Camrys, bro. 88 Camrys. We were buzzing around.

This is the same old lady that got crushed by Vince McMahon? That was probably her face. That was you and your brother. You and your brother powerbombed her. The fucking lady went down hard, bro. That can't be good. When you get a ticket from the PPA or any of that, when you're fucking, like when we lived together, I had zero dollars. If I got one ticket, I was bankrupt.

One ticket. I had zero dollars. I know those times., I was bankrupt. One ticket. I had zero dollars. I know those times. I hated them, bro. Yeah. By law, all PPA's on-street operations net revenue is allocated to the city's general fund of Philadelphia School District. Wrong.

You were wrong, Matt. It's bullshit. It's bullshit. On-street operations revenue is generated from meter payments, permit fees, parking fines, vehicle auction proceeds, and booting and towing fees. They had a thing where they weren't giving the schools money. At least I thought I saw a thing where the schools were like, yeah, they owe us.

It says it brings in $265. Go back to that. It says it. Go back to that. No, it's bullshit. It's their fucking website. It's their website. It's their website.

It's 2017. $264 million a year in annual revenue. Uh-huh. Just from Philadelphia from parking tickets. $264 million in fucking parking tickets. You tell me that's going to those schools in Philly? Look at the Inquirer. Overpays executives and has too many political...

Yeah. Uh-huh. Exactly. Oh, it turns out the PPA's website might not be telling the total fucking story. Hmm. Let's see what it says. Fuck the PPA, Matt. Fuck. I can't stand

them. Damn. Yeah, man. Someone takes your 88 camera, dude, you'll be fucking salty. Yeah, you're never gonna let it go. You're gonna wait till you get on the highest platform on Earth and go, fucking pieces of shit. Well, when you get incentivized to have that much revenue coming in every year, what

if nobody parked bad ever again? What if everybody did the right thing, everybody paid the meter, and all that $264 million dried up? What the fuck do they do now? That's the problem. It's like there's an incentive to catch people. I can't even read those signs.

Anytime I try to park, it's like Monday through Friday. They go over those things with fucking thousand grits hammered. Dude, fuck those signs. And they also will get you for inspection. If your inspection's up, they'll take you every single day. Really? Yes. Wow.

Motherfuckers, bro. Yeah. But they had a problem. One time there was like a gap in what they were supposed to pay the schools, and they had to be like, oh. So what does it say here? 2007, parents united a Philadelphia parent group that fights for school reforms, successfully sued the PPA for failing to pay the city and school district under its 2004 obligations.

During these years, the PPA was technically in breach of its agreement with the state and greedily withheld money that it owed. Greedy PPA, dude. Telling a man. I like how it says greedily. Ooh. Greedily. It's pretty, yeah.

But either way, I mean, I'll stop talking about that. No, I like it. It's all right, dude. I like when people are mad. Yeah, it's pretty, yeah. But either way, I mean, I'll stop talking about that. No, I like it. It's all right, dude. I like when people are mad. Yeah, it's pretty funny. It's fun. Especially against parking tickets. Especially, well, it is a fucking gross thing when you're poor.

Yeah. And you're fucking, you can't even just leave your car somewhere. This guy followed me to Sheetz in my Corolla, and he got me. He's at the gas station. He stayed and ran my plate just because I was driving a poor person car. And he followed me out of the gas station and then pulled me over. It was like, your registration's expired,

all this stuff's expired. And I was like, looking at it, it was me, and I was with a dog. A dog was shotgun. And I was like, this ruins me. I was like, I'm literally, I have zero dollars, you give me a $180 ticket, I'm fucked. I mean, I was kind of like, are you serious? Are you serious about this like I'll go get it, please

It was my inspection. He was like man. Yeah, he was young too. He's like my age. That's what their job is No, I know I wasn't mad at I mean I was mad at him just cuz I had zero dollars What's fucked is they have quotas? Yeah. Yeah,. And cops have quotas for pulling people over in certain places, and it's kind of like unspoken. It's not like written on paper in some places because it's not technically legal. But I've talked to a lot of cops. You have to make a certain amount of revenue. You're basically a glorified revenue collector. Yeah. Pulling people over and making money for the state.

You're not stopping any fucking real crimes doing that. No, it's fucked up. And they call it activity. They they'll be like you're low in activity we need some activity that's fucked up what if everybody followed the rules imagine that what if I mean would they still keep cops around like they have the firemen you know cuz fire can break out you might not have a fire for five years what do you do disband a fireman. You know, because fire can break out. You might not have a fire for five years. What are you going to do? Disband the fire department? Yeah.

They'll be here. And you didn't need them, but yeah, the speed trap stuff. Of course. I like the bros. I do. Obviously, we support the blue. Yeah, I've come around to those guys. I like them, man.

Almost now, I'm looking forward to getting pulled over just so I can talk shop with them and be like, guys. I mean, now that I can afford a ticket, you got me. Good stuff. I love what you guys are doing. I was just trying to get your attention. You know what's fucked? It's those cameras. They were catching people running red lights and giving them tickets and it turns out the money wasn't even

it was like a privately owned company. Oh, really? Yeah. Those were not real tickets. It's like the PPA. PPA owns that too by the way. But that got overturned. They can't do that anymore. They were's like the PPA. PPA owns that too, by the way. But that got overturned. Like, they can't do that anymore. They were shortening

the yellow lights. Were they really? Yes. New Jersey got busted for shortening the yellow lights and snagging people at those things. What?

By how much? Like a second or something. It was enough to snag you because you know, you're like, oh, I got it. Yeah,

you got enough time. Man, what's worse than when you're driving and you see a flash? I didn't even know they were doing it. In Maryland,

they do it a ton where the speed limits are checked by speed cameras. I'd be driving to shows, open mics and shit. Again, zero dollars. I'd be driving. Dude, a flash would be in the car. I'd be like, shit. Shit, dude. So I'm crying.

Back then, it goes to your parents' address, too. It's going to my mom's. It's my mom's car. You know they got you. God, that fucking sucks. It's funny how many different scams there are to like extract money from people. Oh, yeah. Because that's one of them.

You want revenue for the city? Extract money from people. Yeah, you need it. That's fucked up. It's very fucked up. Especially stuff like that. They brutalize trucks too, man. Trucks get killed.

Oh, yeah. The highway patrol just sits there all day, and they'll be like, there's like, your chain is this way, and they're like $15,000. They crush trucks. Now this is good. Now this is a boomer pod now. There's an absolute boomer pod. You want to know about road scams?

Here we are. You know what my favorite is? Just runaway truck ramps. Oh, those are the best. Those make me so happy, dude. Yeah. I just love imagining the dude. Like, when you go up to, like, Penn State, all those, it's through the mountains, and there's just runaway ramps.

Because sometimes trucks have no brakes. And it's so funny thinking of a dude just having a hill. Yeah, there's one right there. Ooh. And the guy just driving and being like, oh. Because when they're going down a steep hill, sometimes they just go, look how beautiful that is. Yeah, that's pretty nice. Where is that?

Oh. Is that Bud Light's room? Is that BL's? It might be. Up the ramp? It's not a Bud Light truck. It's not refrigerated either. Maybe it's stolen Bud Light.

It's like bricks. It's like blue bricks or some shit. It's like bricks. It's like blue bricks or some shit. Runaway trucks is I just like thinking of the guy who's like half asleep. Here comes one. Flying up a hill. Here we go. You see the guy's, he's slamming

on the brakes. Oh, he's gonna go up it. Oh, you gotta hit that thing that sucks come on brother what's all the smoke coming off the back of his him jamming his brakes probably yeah wow control though how do you know jamie just saying what it looks like yeah just keep going get my package still going with it's's common. Jamie's got trucker blood. I ordered those AirPods, pussy. He's got to hit this ramp.

Here we go. Oh, my God. Look, he's going up this ramp. Come on, brother. What happens when he comes back down? You don't. Yeah, what is the smoke coming out of the back? Oh, it's his brakes, dude.

He's going the whole way up. That can't be his brakes. What? No, that's not his brakes. That seems like his truck is dying. Oh, yeah, maybe. He doesn't make it all the way to the slammer at the end of it. That seems like his engine is dying.

If he jammed his brakes, it would probably jack down. I can't believe he made it that high. That's pretty nuts. That's like that snow tubing at the bottom. Like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I watched a 3,000 horsepower engine explode. Go to Richard Rawlings' Instagram. Go to Richard Rawlings from Fast and Loud.

You know that show? Uh-uh. He's a fun car guy from Fast and Loud, that show. What is this? Please ask for it. There we go. Yeah, that thing is just smoking. What is happening to that thing?

Is that his brakes? I would guess. That kind of seems like brakes in that situation. Because this guy just can't slow down. That's got to be terrifying. I mean, it's so much weight, dude. Oh, my God. Can you imagine being a fucking dude behind the wheel of something that weighs, like, what does it weigh?

Hundreds of thousands of pounds? That's what I mean, though. Like, an hour, like, seven of driving. Like, all day. You're just chilling. Oh, you'll get tipped over. Oh. Oh, shit.

Yeah, dude, even just driving, like, a truck with a trailer of, like, lawnmowers on the back. You try to stop that thing at, like, 60 miles an hour. It just doesn't stop. Go to Richard Wrong's Instagram page. And he's got a reel up of this dude who's revving up this this truck engine this gigantic souped up truck engine and it fucking blows up like it got hit by a missile it's why Jesus because there's a 3,000 horsepower souped up engine they're like and then boom There he is. Fuck.

Fuck, where is it? Go to his reels. That's a nice pick. Damn, dude. I think that's it. That one right there. This was not. Nope, that's not it.

Maybe someone took it down. No, did they take it down? That looks like it. Where? No, you just see the truck. The back of that thing is exploded. No, you just see the truck. Oh, there it down. No, did they take it down? That looks like it. Where? No, you just see the truck. No, you just see the truck. Oh, there it is. There's a fucking thing on fire. That's just the engine.

Oh, okay. No, that's not it. It was way worse than that. Let's see if I can find it. I can find it, Jamie, and I'll send it to you. Well, whatever this guy's doing. So what happened? I guess I could just look for it, too.

You said a truck exploded or something? Truck burnout, explosion? I'm such a pussy. I don't know anything about cars. I don could just look for it, too. You said a truck explosion or something? Truck burnout explosion? I'm such a pussy. I don't know anything about cars. I don't know anything about anything, dude. I really don't. That really blows. Tell you what, though.

I know about crunching the metadata. Crunching the metadata on teachers? Interesting. No, that's not it. Here we go. No, this is way worse. That's crazy. Maybe, was it his YouTube?

Does Rawlings have a YouTube? Did he put it on there? I don't know, but I don't know. See that there because maybe they removed it for some reason because maybe someone died. Oh, shit. Oh, that's not good. It looks like people died. Richard Rawlings bought what?

It looked like easily someone could have died. Oh, man. That's something kind of content. You ever see those fucking speed boats explode? Just click on videos instead of home. Now click on shorts. Click on shorts.

No, I don't see it. So Google 3,000 horsepower truck engine explodes. See if you can find that. Fuck, I should have saved it. I was going to repost it, but it might have been somebody died. Yeah, it might have been. It was fucking wild.

Wild. They're just revving it. Boom! I mean, giant fireball. This dude dies out of the front seat. I don't know what it was. There's a bunch of people hanging around. This seems like a famous video that happened a couple years ago.

Yikes. Isn't it funny that like 2000... Oh, boy. Yeah, that's it. That's exactly it. That's it right here. So they're revving this up. Oh, my God.

Bro. Get some volume, though, because you've got to hear it, because it's fucking bananas. That other kit, and that's when it let loose. And that's when all hell broke loose. Oh no. Bro. Look at that dude bail out of the front. Wait, that's Monster Energy drinks.

3,000 horsepower dyno explosion. So they were testing the horsepower on a dyno, and the fucking engine blew. Bro. Jamie, add a comment. Sick. From the Joe Rogan experience. Sick. Sweet.

Sounds like Beavis in Blackhead. The guy had gauge earrings. He was just in there. Did you watch any of the Beavis and Butthead? The new Beavis and Butthead? No. Is that supposed to be any good, Jamie? I watched some of it.

I haven't watched the TV show. They brought the show back, too. Right. I haven't watched those. They brought the show back? It's on Paramount Plus, I think. What? How do you think it is?

I don't know. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. I haven. What? How do you think it is? I don't know. I have a feeling they stunk it up. I don't know why. If they watch TikTok videos, that could be funny. That's pretty good. I got a feeling they stunk it up, too. How many people are watching Paramount Plus? Is it 20?

Probably. I think P Plus. Didn't they have South Park? Actually, I watched South Park and I deleted my account. No, they had a South Park special on there. I watched that and then deleted that. No, HBO Max has South Park. Okay, nice.

But there's so many streaming platforms, though. Dude, it's- Peacock. Yeah. They have one. NBC has one. Disney has one. Yeah, Disney Plus.

Beavis and Butthead. It's old stuff, though. It's all old stuff? No, no. Damn, Daria. Celebrity Deathmatch? They bring it all back. That shit fucking rules.

It's called Mike Judge's Beavis and Butthead. You remember how nice Celebrity Deathmatch was? The best. At a sleepover? So this is Paramount Plus original. Mm-hmm. One season, one show. Give me some of that.

I can't watch it here. We're not logged in or anything. Oh, okay. I don't think it, yes. I remember Celebrity Deathmatch, they had one, it was a halftime show. Packers, Broncos, Super Bowl. I was fucking pumped, dude. That was a good show.

Yeah. That was a good show. Remember halftime shows? They used to have a lot of, like, In Living Color had a halftime show during the Super Bowl. Really? Yeah. They did a halftime show. Every show, like MTV did, we're going to do Celebrity Deathmatch at the halftime.

Yeah, yeah. Every channel had a different, like, Super Bowl halftime switch over to us. Yeah. But now I think they're all owned by the same two companies. Well, what a giant mistake by the Super Bowl. How about make the halftime fun? That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

How about you have some wild shit happening? Last year was pretty good. Who was last year's? Dr. Dre. The Geezers. Yeah, that was good. The Geezers came out and wrapped. It was expendable.

Fat 50 Cent was upside down. This was it. This was the first time that I ever saw in living color. I couldn't fucking believe how funny it was. When I saw Jim Carrey and he was doing Fire Marshal Bill, I was like, oh no. Look at that.

Just what gives her bloody merry? My name is Mindy and I'm busy. Serving drinks to these yahoos during halftime can be lucrative, but it can also put you out for the season. I mean, imagine trying to do that. Damn.

Look at how creepy he looks. What's he up to now? He was just Joe Biden on SNL. Was he? Kerry was? Yeah. Really? They fucked that up so bad, dude.

They made Trump a giant asshole, and then they were like, Biden's Jim Kerry, and he's kind of cool. That sucks, man. His character character was like I'm actually cool God damn it What do they call him the dark Brandon or something Dark Brandon Rises dude It's actually pretty funny Now that it's bothering people it is funny

They were right it is funny It's funny when it bothers you There's certain art and all that stuff That's designed to bother people like me. Yeah. And when it works, I'm like, all right,

that actually is funny. Do you think that's what Jimmy Fallon's doing when he does that vaccine dance? X, B, B, pi, wad, wad, wad. Have you seen that?

Yeah, that was... What is he doing? That was gut-wrenching. What is he doing? Soul-crushing. I never saw that. Do you think they have like a photo of him

like on an island filled with hookers? No, I think, bro, they just gave him millions. Look at him. Toss him. Oh, my God, dude. But it isn't the same. Sounds more like Elon Musk's name. It's SBB.1.5.

Not UB40 who sees red, red wine. Put on your mask when you're inside a facility. Is this the new strain or something? Damn, what if he started talking about athletes falling? Just imagine the pitch meeting. Imagine the pitch meeting. Here's what we're going to do. Jesus Christ. We're going to talk about the new pandemic variant, but in a song. But over Love Shack.

And everybody's like, okay. I'm listening. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's just, he's not in the meeting. That means he's not in the meeting. You think he's just drunk? Maybe. I think he shows up.

They're like, here you go. He's like, fuck it. Fuck it. I like money. Fuck it. There's some guy like me puffing a're like, here you go. He's like, fuck it. Fuck it. I like money. Fuck it. There's some guy like me puffing a cigar like, Jimmy, here's what we're going to do today. Jimmy. How many people are watching The Tonight Show?

Not me. Gotta be nobody. Yeah, I don't think so. What do you think? Take a number. A million a night? I don't know what the numbers are. Let's guess.

I'd say 750,000. I mean, if Gutfeld's butt-fucking these guys, they're putting out a fucking dog shit program, dude. I watch Gutfeld. That shit's nuts, dude. He's butt-fucking all of them, is he? He's killing them. He's butt-fucking all of them. He's the number one guy.

DeRosa was just on. It was so funny. It made me so happy. 1.3 million viewers. There you go. Less than half the viewers of Gutfeld Fallon had what is I go back to that? Fallon had 30 million subscribers on his YouTube channel

But this does not drive advertising rates for the show his YouTube channels way better than the fucking show. Yes They just do clips in it. That's wild. Yeah, you know, you want to get a clip. Yeah, I'll get you views. Yeah, but like Gutfeld's out there just slinging bro crazy Just form an alternative to what everyone's shoving down your throat and this you know It's like the same thing on every network the same kind of jokes about the same kind of people and these are the dummies and this Is like and then on his show. He's just got a bunch of Looney Tunes and comics. He's got Joe DeRosa and Tyrus, dude. You ever see Tyrus?

Tyrus might look like Thanos himself, dude. Really? Yeah, for real. That's a guy who is Thanos. What are you talking about? Tyrus, he is Thanos. I know you're talking about now. Yeah, dude.

It's sad. It's a sad thing. It's all paid for by fucking companies, dude. Yeah, that dude. Thanos himself, dude. Yeah, really, it's sad. It's a sad thing. It's all paid for by fucking companies here. Yeah, that dude. Thanos himself, dude. Yeah, really. Nice change. What's his hat say?

Where my... Where my dog's at? I think so, dude. No. No? Bigger word. Something else. I can't tell, though.

Where my something. Dude, that is Thanos. Might be Thanos, dude. That's Fox Thanos. Tearing up on Gutfeld. That dude's got some ears. Oh, my God. That's a big fella.

That's a big fella. And so what does he do? He's one of Gutfeld's... He's a wrestler? Yeah. One of Gutfeld's bros. Bam, 6'7". That fucking show, it's amazing how much more popular it is

than those other network shows. Isn't it crazy that the Democrats haven't figured out how to do a show like that? We just get comics and sit around and talk shit and bring people on and fuck around, and that's your talk show? And you review the news together where you all mock it. You read something that Biden did, and everybody's like, ah! Yeah, fucking Quinn. Colin Quinn's a tough crowd.

Tough crowd. Yeah, that was it. Yeah. They did it. That was a different time. They had it right.'s a tough crowd. Yeah, yeah, that was it. Yeah They did it different. They had it right. That's a podcast. Yeah. Yeah, I was like the first podcast I was one of the first like yeah, just a pocket. Yeah I was like an hour-long podcast and comics would just fuck around talk shit to each other Patrice Nick to Paulo Man, or is those like my favorite highlight videos. Yeah. Dudes bullying other dudes on comics. One of my favorite ever was Geraldo and Leary. Unreal.

It's one of the greatest. Leary's giving him a hard time for having jokes. Yeah. He's like, yeah, Dennis, we write. We write jokes. That's what we do. Literally professionally. And Leary gets upset with him that he's talking back to him.

He's like, yeah, maybe your show wouldn't have got canceled if you wrote Yeah Oh shit damn Judy Judy Gold verse Voss and Patrice Voss and Patrice would team up and it's the funniest duo Cuz Voss is such a motherfucker. Yeah, he's very good at being like a sidekick and jumping in and be like get him get him get him fuck him Yeah, he was a classic on O get him, fuck him. Yeah. He was a classic on opening day, Anthony. Voss?

Voss? Oh, my God. Dude, he's an animal. You ever see the one when they would introduce him in like unexpected stand-up? They would just, he would go into like a coffee shop. No. And Club Soda Kenny would go, ladies and gentlemen, Rich Voss. And he would just go and start doing his act

On the radio in front of all these fucking people That have no idea he was supposed to Oh no So cringe He's so fucking funny He's the only dude on there that would like He was like the punching bag They would all try to hit

And he had a good time He could take it and then he would swing back once And it would be a knockout Whoever he hit But he took it with a smile on his face Never got defensive He'd take it, and then he would swing back once. Yeah. And it would be a knockout, dude. Whoever he hit. But he took it with a smile on his face. Yeah, he's funny. He never got defensive. No.

Yeah, which is the big thing. Yeah. Yeah, he's fucking funny. I love Voss so much, dude. He's great. He's the man. That's when he used to big duck when he would hit you with the billfold. He'd be like, here's 20 bucks, Shane.

It was the best. Voss was the first guy to take me on the road. Oh, really? Yeah. No shit. He was the first headliner that was like, do you want to come over for me? No shit. Where do you take you fucking local shitholes in Pennsylvania in Jersey nice yeah nice here's the man

yeah and always like lose my number kid stop I know he was so fucking funny but getting friends with like a real legit comic like that when you're just starting out so huge and then when I was getting SNL, Voss came up and was like, you know I've always been good to you, right? I was like, you piece of shit. He was. I could tell he loved you. I do love Voss. He's great.

He's great. But that's like that moment when a guy like that takes you on the road? Oof. And then Soder got me. Soder was next. It was Voss, and then Dan Soder was like,

do you want to come on the road? And I was like, oh, that's amazing. He's like, bro, I love you so much. I'll die for you. I will fucking die for you. He is an angelic dude. Soder was like, do you want to come on the road? And I was like, bro, I love you so much. I'll die for you. I will fucking die for you. He is an angelic dude. Soder is an angel.

Soder is the best. One of the nicest dudes in the world. He's so nice. He's so good. Yeah. Very funny. He's somehow underrated. Yeah.

For how good he is. For now, it'll change. I know. He's so good. It'll be overwhelming. It's one of those, you know, it happened with you. It's happening right now with Hinchcliffe. Hinchiffe is selling out everywhere. My dude's crushing Tony does crush He's fuck he's an animal dude his stand-up is good. That's because his character. He's a very unlikable person

Yes character. Yeah, where he acts like an asshole. Yeah, and then you go talk to him offstage You're like fuck this is the nicest guy. I love this fucking guy He's such a cocksucker the whole time. He wants to be the heel. Yeah. He wants to be the pro wrestling heel. And then he kills. But he's got it down to a science.

Yeah. Yeah, he does. Yeah, going on the road, man. That is the greatest education a comic ever gets. When you're first starting out, and you get to go on the road. It's so fun. And you're doing packed houses, because they're all there to see that guy. And you have your 15, 20 minutes you're supposed to fun. And you're doing packed houses because they're all there to see that guy and you have your

15, 20 minutes you're supposed to do and you're like, okay, here we go. You're in an airport. Yeah. Going to an airport to go to a show. You're like, dude. Your hotel's paid for. I'm famous. You walk in the hotel.

It's a way for someone to ask you, what are you doing? I'm actually traveling. I'm a comedian. Open up for Adam Sandler. On the road. Soda. It's the greatest. It was wonderful. Yeah, he's amazing. Those are the greatest days. On the road. Soda. It was wonderful.

Yeah, he's in there. Those are the greatest days. You get jaded so quickly. I go on the road and I'm just like, fuck. Really? I still love it. Airports. I used to love airports.

I'd go to an airport and be like, dude, this is going to be so sick. I don't know. When you go with friends, it's the best. Yeah. The best thing that I ever did, and I did it early on, is I started bringing my opening acts. Yeah. I brought guys that I knew that were really funny,

that were cool. I paid them. I would get them. Instead of the club paying them, because they always underpay you, I would pay them. I was just like, I'll pay for everybody. I'd pay for their tickets, pay for their hotel. And everybody's like, whoa, it costs money to fly people out. You could just get the local. Yeah, yeah, but that's not an

option. In my mind, then it's depression weekend. Then it's me alone in a Phoenix hotel room staring at the TV, flipping channels, deciding whether or not I want to work out now, when do I want to eat. And then my only interaction with people is at the club. You don't talk for a full day. Yeah, for the full day. The first thing you say is, hey, everybody. Yeah, that's weird.

Richard Jenney talked about that once. Sometimes the first words he would say to anybody all day would be on stage. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, I kind of don't mind that, though. I can wander around by myself for a while. You don't get depressed? No, I kind of enjoy it.

Really? I can sit by myself for a long time. I can for a day. I like a day off. When you're on week number eight. See, that'll fuck me up. Week number eight, you're on it. That's the thing. But when you're on week number eight. See, that'll fuck me up. Week number eight, and you're on it. No, that's the thing.

But when you're traveling with your boys. See, yeah, that's fun. When you're traveling with your boys, you're going to dinner with your friends. It's like this. True, true, true. If we were on the road, we would have the same conversation while we're eating steak. Like, ah, ha, ha. True.

Laughing, having fun, cracking a bottle of wine. It's the best. Show's in an hour. Let's go, boys. Let's go. And then you go. It's fucking the best Shows in an hour Let's go boys Let's go And then you go It's fucking It's the best

Yeah I was doing them sparingly So I was like Oh this is a nice Little quiet weekend But yeah If that was like Week after week After week after week

That would get Kind of isolated I'm with you like sparingly A nice week by yourself Does rule Yeah But yeah You gotta bring the bros

And when you're on the road With your boys It's like They're your family Like it's like We're all just friends Yeah This is a great time.

We're all having a good time together. Everyone's having a good time. Unless someone bombs. Yeah. The one guy that bombs. That does take you. You're like, bro. But then that's kind of fun, dude.

I love when one of my friends bombs, dude. You got to go, yo, what the fuck was that? Right, but if you're taking guys, like you're giving them a chance, and you realize like halfway into the weekend, like this is not going to work out. Yeah. Yeah. You just keep bringing them. Do you? I do. I got guys on the roster that will bomb.

No problem. I'll put those dudes up on a regular night and give them a shot but not on the road. When you're on the road I'm bringing heavy hitters. I'm bringing Brian Simpson and Hinchcliffe and Hans and I'm bringing killers. But the fun part is still, I remember being excited being at the airport.

And not that it was, it was literally three years ago. Right, because you were a pro. But now I get to take La Mer and Nate and all these guys that they get to the airport and they're like, yo, this is fucking great. Dude, they have this at the airport? They never flown. They're like, dude, what the fuck is this?

Delta Skylash? They got a Chipotle here're like, dude, what the fuck is this? Delta Skylash? They got a Chipotle here? It's fucking crazy. You gotta keep appreciating it. Yeah, that's true. That's why I would always take edibles. I would always take edibles when I flew.

Because the fly day is just a disaster. It sucks. You're just flying in. If you got to fly to Philadelphia and you live in LA, that day's gone. You got five hours on a plane. So I would just take a 200 milligram edible and just go on a harrowing adventure of the soul for the entire flight. Just like, yo. Dude, that's psycho, dude.

That's psycho. Well, that's the Joey Diaz way. I learned it from Diaz. Diaz and I, when we traveled together, because we started traveling together in the 90s. I started taking Joey Diaz with me on the road in like 97, 98. We did gigs in New Jersey. That was taking Joey Diaz with me on the road in like 97, 98. We did gigs in New Jersey. That was the Joey Diaz cocaine years too. The reason why I started taking

three people, I would take two people on the road with me. Two openers. It's because Joey didn't show up sometimes. So that's how Ari got to start with me. Because I'm like, yeah, I don't want to stop taking Joey. Because when Joey did show up, he's the fucking life of the party. You hoped that he didn't go on a bender.

And he only did it a couple of times. But he did it enough where I was like, I'm going to hedge my bets. And if Joey shows up, we've got a three-man show. If Joey doesn't show up, we've got a two-man show. That's fucking funny. Yeah, but they were the best times, man. The driving road trips were the best. Oh, my God.

Driving. Yeah. When Hinchcliffe and I have done driving road trips, he's come up with some of his most ruthless material, making me laugh in the car. I'm like, dude, you've got to say that on stage. He's like, really? That's also the best thing, to have your friends with you. True. Like, Matt, if Matt's in the room, I'll be like, all right, I'm going to try the joke that you and me think is funny.

Yes. If I'm by myself, I'll go out there and just do my act, whatever. If I know one of my comic friends is in the room, then they're going to think it's funny. Then it is funny. Then I'm up there like. Yeah, it makes it fun. Great way to workshop material too.

When someone says, you got to say that tonight. Yeah, it puts a gun to you. It's great. It's great. Especially when it doesn't work and you're in the back going. Hey, what time is your show tonight? We got it. Yeah, it's 5 o'clock.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, shit. Wrap this bitch up. Yeah. Awesome. My man, you're the fucking man. You're the best. I love you.

Nice to meet you. That was a lot of fun. Thank you, Joe. Appreciate you. Let's do this again, 100% the three of us. Appreciate you. 100%. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

Fun time. Let's go. Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. It's available on YouTube. It's on Patreon. Do you guys have it up on iTunes and all that other stuff? Yeah, I also have it. So it's on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and all that shit?

Beautiful. First thing searched, what does Matt McCusker do? You'll never know. Now they know. Matt McCusker is a comedian, writer, and what does it say? Oh, it's a bio. It's a bio, yeah. And proud co-host of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.

You look like a fucking mugshot. That totally looks like a mugshot. Engaging in nonviolent criminal activity, Matt has decided the rest of his days towards the pursuit of peace and harmony. What? Nice bio, right? That's a good bio. Who wrote that?

Me. I'm a writer, bro. All right. Great time, boys. See you guys. Thank you very much. Bye, bro. All right. Great time, boys. See you again. Thank you very much. Bye, everybody. Thank you.