The Joe Rogan Experience - #1944 - Ryan Long
Episode Date: February 21, 2023Ryan Long is a stand-up comic, filmmaker, and host of "The Boyscast" podcast. www.ryanlongcomedy.com ...
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The Joe Rogan Experience
Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day
I hold the record for
What do you hold the record for?
Longest bottle reused in my podcast
Of water?
Two years I had the same bottle
No
Yeah, the guy I did the podcast with was like The amount of carcinogenics must be running through your body.
So were you just adding water to it all the time?
Yeah, yeah.
Every day I would come in.
I'm the ultimate environmentalist, really.
I don't know if that's bad for you.
I think what's bad for you is just drinking on a plastic period.
Like if your bottle is sitting there filled with water for months and months on a shelf, wouldn't that leach more plastic in it than water that you just pour in there?
Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it would seem to me that like the real fear would be, I think, correct me if I'm wrong because I'm definitely wrong.
Propaganda.
I think the real fear is the heat.
I think when you like have plastic that are sitting outside in the sun.
Yeah, I leave them in the sun.
That's an issue.
I like them to marinate.
That's when you get all the phthalates and your dick shrinks.
That's what's happening to people, you know.
Oh, yeah, sorry.
Are we starting?
Yeah, we're already starting.
Okay, we're starting.
Did you see, well, I just read this.
The dicks have enlarged in the last.
I know.
I thought dicks were shrinking.
I just saw a new study.
Yeah. And it's a problem.
Mine said it might be a problem.
That was what was hilarious.
Dicks are getting bigger and this could be a real issue.
Like, how?
Sure.
How?
Rulers got smaller.
Rulers got smaller.
People just started lying.
That is the South Park episode where they go, yeah, we just changed the measurements.
We went down to, we just started measuring.
How did they get smaller?
We started measuring in millimeters.
Bro, when I was a kid, they tried to put us on the metric system, which is a far more
efficient system.
I agree.
A system of tens.
Stanford scope.
An increase in penile length cause for concern?
What fucking, what are you concerned about?
It's cause for concern for the ladies, you know?
Yeah, what are you concerned about? Ladies are cause for concern for the ladies, you know? Yeah, what are you concerned about?
Ladies are walking funny to work every day.
A rec penile length is getting longer from an average of 4.8 inches.
Go to that.
What does it say there?
Oh, that was the best article.
Here's why this is actually a problem.
It's a problem.
No, this was, I think this was originally a Vice article.
This one, this is from a couple years ago,
and it was a guy writing how actually small dicks are kind of better if you think about it.
Oh, sure, buddy.
No women are writing that article.
It's so sad.
The penis size is so sad.
There's not a damn thing they could do about it.
They can put a man on the moon.
They can't make your dick bigger.
They have not.
They do the enlargement, but it doesn't work all that great.
There was a guy, I actually used to do a bit about it, there was a guy
his name's Ahud Laniandro,
and he got the best
dick enlargement money he could buy, because he's like a
billionaire dude, right? And then
he died during the thing.
Died during the enlargement.
Oh, he probably died from the anesthesia, right?
I wonder. Yeah, man, getting put under's
no joke. Getting put under's, you know, it's, they're very, very anesthesia, right? I wonder. Yeah, man, getting put under is no joke.
Getting put under is, you know,
they're very, very, very, very good at it now.
But it still carries some risks.
Or, yeah, in the dick, they made him such a good dick,
the doctor was like, I can't let this.
He had to poison him in case his wife saw that dick.
No one can, yeah, I can't let this be a Frankenstein situation.
It is my masterpiece.
I can't allow this. Walking the earth
just punishing women.
That would be
the number one industry in the country
if there was an actual
dick enlargement product. They just
nailed it. It would be bigger than Apple.
In like a week.
I mean, Viagra, it's like
the amount of people that take that recreationally is very crazy.
It's probably their most profitable thing other than vaccines, right?
For Pfizer?
That's a good question.
It's a good question.
Well, imagine vaccines would be Viagra if the government was like, you have to take it.
Also, we're paying for it.
Imagine if the government just said, listen, more people have to fuck
because we need more people.
We have to compete with China.
Yeah.
And so Viagra is mandatory.
So everyone just has wood.
Everywhere you go at every bar.
Everywhere you go,
dudes just have raging hard-ons
that are mandated by the government.
Mandated by the government,
paid for by the government.
And yeah, your chick's like,
why are you always hard?
And you're like, talk to Biden.
You think I want this?
Kamala Harris, she has an issue.
She wants us to do this.
This is her issue she's pushing.
That's the socialized boners.
It's not socialized medicine for anything but boners.
Well, there are people that do believe that more people are supposed to be having children.
Because there's people like Elon, who's far smarter than me who thinks that we have a uh there's an issue with a possible population
collapse like not enough people are having kids and even though there's a lot of people alive
right now the numbers of people having kids are dropping off and that if you that keeps going
there's like a trend that that happens with if it doesn't correct itself, it could be a real issue.
There's a lot of people that kind of take the opinion on that too,
where you go, not only is it a problem, it's already too far to fix.
There's a lot of people that are like, there's not even really a way out of this.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Ryan. You're scaring the shit out of me.
Well, I think the way out is probably you
know technology and stuff like that right but yeah probably if you look at uh the birth rates
they're they're i guess you know certain countries you can take more immigrants and stuff like that
but yeah there is not uh well we're taking a lot of immigrants yeah you know it's really fascinating
the the immigrant thing is fascinating because uh you know, my grandparents were immigrants.
So like watching immigrants come into this country from south of the border.
I mean, I am personally an immigrant.
Are you really?
Yeah.
Where were you born?
Toronto, Canada.
Oh, yeah.
That doesn't count.
I mean, you guys are our cousins.
You're in the family.
You know what?
When I tried to move here, I said to that, I would go, come on, really?
Is it?
But it is.
You got to get the green card. You got gotta do the whole thing. There's a certain
amount a year. They have rules about it.
Yeah, but if you just come in through the border, you're good.
Just walk in. Just fly to Mexico and walk in.
I just point to my face. I go, I'm white.
Can we? They just let you in. I'm telling you.
They don't even care if you're vaccinated. I go, cut the shit,
bro. You know, you can't fly into the United States
still unless you're vaccinated.
From Canada? From other
countries. Oh, from other
countries. I think, isn't that true? I think that's still true, but you can just kind of walk
in. Like there's a lot of people just kind of walking in. Like there's too many people coming
across from certain countries. You have to get visas for it. Like you can't just, cause I remember,
you know, my friend who lived in Canada, people were going to Mexico or somewhere or the U S and
he was like, yeah, I can't go there.
And we're like, well, we're just going on like vacation.
We're going to go party in like, you know, Nashville or whatever.
And he's like, yeah, I can't.
You can do that.
Like, I can't do that.
He's from India.
He can't just go to America.
Yeah.
You have to be vaccinated and you have to have some sort of paperwork, right?
Yeah.
You got to get a visa.
You have to get a visa to visit.
A visiting visa, essentially.
Isn't that wild? No, it no it's yeah it is kind of
wild we don't even think about that we don't you know we have it so goddamn good here we really do
as nutty as people are and the the crazy gender war talk that's going on right now with uh it
seems like there's like such a fascination with
gender now like yeah to the point where it's like what what what is like douglas murray talked about
this on the podcast he was saying that this happens in every civilization before it collapses
people become obsessed with gender for some reason and then it's also as a comedian you know
gender for some reason and then it's also as a comedian you know especially like the trans issue or whatever right you know it's like how do you not address that when it becomes the number one
this is the number one everyone's talking about it non-stop and then they're kind of like oh look
at all these guys talking about this and you're like how do you not it's like an elephant in the
room at that point yeah it there's it's an ideology that's being enforced that you're not
allowed to talk about something that may or may not be crazy and i'm not talking about all trans people i'm just
talking about the possibility of crazy people being in any group is a hundred percent the
possibility of crazy people that are captains of yachts of course crazy dentists crazy everything
sure but so you have to leave room for crazy when it comes to trans people, too.
And right now they don't.
They're not leaving room for crazy.
This is why you have this guy up in Canada with the giant rubber tits.
I love him.
With the shoulder straps.
The goat.
It's amazing.
Do you see, I don't know if you saw the picture, he looks like Tim Dillon when he has the tits up.
I think he's running a con.
Yeah, he may be running a con.
I mean, this is just my opinion.
But it seems like he dresses up like a man during the day, which, of course, it's a con.
I mean, the whole thing is so funny.
Where I know it's titties all day long would be nuts.
Bro, it's nuts that you can do that.
It's nuts that you could do that.
He's a shop teacher as well.
This is where I'm saying, like, you have to leave room for crazy in everything.
You've got to leave room for crazy.
And if you don't leave room for crazy, then we're in a cult.
Okay, now we're in a cult.
Do you know how in Russia, Putin will play hockey games and everyone lets him win?
They let him do judo, too.
Yeah, they let him do it.
It's kind of Steven Seagal style.
He's 900 pounds and he just does demonstrations. No, he's actually legit with Well, you know, he's 900 pounds. He's just these demonstrations.
No, he's actually legit with judo.
I know he's really legit.
Akito, right?
No, no, no, no, no.
Judo.
Is he judo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, he's a black belt.
He's an actual black belt.
Putin is a legitimate black belt.
Like when you watch him throw people around.
Watch video of it.
Pull up Putin does judo.
But the hockey.
One hundred percent he's legit.
So he's the. Okay, so he's
legit that? Yeah. I actually didn't know that part.
He used to be a KGB guy.
But the hockey, he plays against
like, you know, high level
professional hockey players. Oh, they kind of let him?
They let him do hockey? Let him. He gets 11 points
against...
But I feel like sometimes the trend stuff's that
where everyone just kind of... Right.
It is.
It is the same thing because everyone's scared.
But when you watch him do judo, like 100%, that's real skill.
Like 100%. Like he definitely knows his shit.
Like if I saw that guy teaching at a judo academy somewhere, he's a black belt and he
was an instructor, I would say yes.
Legitimate.
Nice.
Yeah.
Putin really knows judo.
What about Seagal? What do you think of Seagal? He really is really good at Aikido. I would say yes, legitimate. Nice. Yeah, Putin really knows judo.
What about Seagal?
What do you think of Seagal?
He really is really good at Aikido.
He was the GOAT, right?
No, but he was very talented.
If you just watch his fluidity and his technique in Aikido,
if you go back to the early days when he was running a dojo in Japan,
and I think he was legitimately the first American to run an Aikido dojo in Japan. No bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was, I think he was
married to the daughter of one of the main senseis or somebody. So he was like deep in the culture
and he was really good at Aikido. But Aikido is a martial art that was developed to disarm people with swords.
So when someone's coming at you with a sword, you don't have a sword.
You're disarming them.
The idea is to try to use their momentum against them.
Yeah, yeah.
It's kind of a reactive martial art.
And it's like it's using your momentum and then using leverage and using technique.
But it's not like offensive.
And what he did in the movies is he made it offensive.
If you go to Above the Law,
Above the Law is a fucking great movie.
He turned it into a tool to get tons of pussy.
This is him when he's older.
This is Durag Seagal.
Durag Seagal is the best Seagal.
Durag Seagal is not the best Seagal.
You want to go to black and white film Seagal.
Because you got to realize, above the law, go to old Steven Seagal you want to go to black and white film Seagal because you got to realize like above the law go to a old Steven Seagal footage above the law was
in Jamie hell yeah bro I'm telling you ass listen the guy you you can say
whatever you want about the guy now but I am just telling I love him yeah this
is listen fuck all this go to old Steven Seagal footage.
Because this is a lot of like, he's basically in a movie now, right?
Yeah.
That's like, he's in a movie.
Those guys aren't really resisting.
And one that he's written as well.
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
Old Steven Seagal Aikido footage.
There's like legitimate footage of him in the dojo.
Just doing work.
Yeah. Like when you see like his ability to dojo. Just doing work. Yeah.
Like when you see like his,
uh,
his ability to throw people,
there you go.
He had the big feud with John.
Go to the top one.
The top one's legit.
I've seen this top one.
So it's a lot of the movements and stuff like very fluid,
very fluid.
It's just not that effective a martial art in,
in real practice.
Like in real practice, a wrestler is going to take a Aikido guy down like 100% of the time.
Yeah, no Aikido guy's ever won one of the big competitions, really.
I mean, you could have a guy who starts out in Aikido for some strange reason and is just extraordinary physically talented.
Like if Jon Jones got in Aikido, he still reason. He's just extraordinarily physically talented. Like if Jon Jones got into Aikido,
he still would fuck
people up in the UFC. There's certain
people that are extraordinarily talented.
They're training at the wrong place.
That does happen. Perhaps a trans
Aikido fighter. But Aikido
is just not the way
to go. It's a
beautiful martial art. It's a beautiful thing to
learn. It is a really effective tool. If you know A aikido and a guy has like a bat he's coming at
you it's actually a very important thing to know like some of the principles involved in in avoiding
like these strikes like you can apply those in a real situation but it's just like not the
it's just not the martial art that you would say like is like on its own what's really
good for for fighting you wouldn't say aikido i feel like the reason why even guys like him aside
from that were so great was it like that they believed it a little you know when you see kind
of you know jason like jason momoa right now as an action star he doesn't think he's that guy
you know whereas like you know kind
of even john clove and damn like it was it was getting a little wishy-washy what was the movie
what was them you know yes yes well i think the audience capture like that and especially then
you're talking about like the 80s and the 90s where your connection to the audience is like so ethereal
it's so like it's mystical
like why do they like me
where are these people
you don't have any tweets about you
you're not getting any comments on YouTube
you're just like trying to figure out if people like you
and you're just doing karate movies
yeah it is very easy
to be like a god back in those days
it's kind of like more how music is I always say that even if you look at, you know, kind of activist stuff.
He's doing splits on the top of a building.
Oh, that's Jean-Claude. His split move is the move.
Bro, he's doing splits on the top of a fucking giant pillar overlooking the city. I'd be scared to sit there.
90% of Jean-Claude Van Damme was his splits.
First of all, he's a beautiful man.
He's the best.
He's a beautiful man. I mean, his body is flawless. So he's over there, flawless body,
doing splits.
More than splits, too. It's like-
Look at him. He can do splits on two chairs where he puts one heel on each chair
And he like suspends his body. That's nuts. Oh my god. That's really hard to do men
So remember the video I think it was CGI it had to be CGI where they did it in between the two trucks
That's CGI
Both it has to be
I think he really can do that with his legs still.
He really can do a split.
I don't think they were moving, though, yeah.
But they're not going to do that in between.
He trucks it!
He goes under the truck!
And they lose Jean-Claude Van Damme in a fucking horrific semi-accident where his body gets
turned into meat.
I think he's doing some wild stuff right now.
Is he?
Oh, on the internet?
Yeah.
Well, he did a web series, and then he had some porn star girlfriend.
He was posting photos of him just in a hot tub, just rocking out.
Damn.
Yeah, it was kind of cool.
But I was kind of even saying that the same way that it used to be more mystical with
the action stars back then, like you were saying, it kind of reminds me of why I feel like activist messages work better with
musicians than like,
you know,
podcasters or comedians.
Cause it's sort of like with musicians,
like the,
you know,
save the children,
whatever you want to say,
you know,
very like,
we got to feed those kids.
And then,
but you don't have to really answer anything more than that.
Right.
And then it's kind of like with,
with,
uh, or you could say something in between songs. Yeah. You really answer anything more than that. Right. And then it's kind of like with, with, uh.
Or you could say something in between songs.
Yeah.
You could get into one comment in.
Yeah.
But then after it becomes like.
By the way, fuck the Supreme Court.
Yeah.
Yeah.
100%.
Woo, woo, woo, woo.
And Biden needs codified Roe v. Wade.
Yeah.
And if you think women should be in the kitchen, you can leave this concert right now.
Right.
But if you said that here, you'd be like, well, what do you mean by that?
Lecturing dudes are sus.
They're super sus.
When dudes lecture other dudes, I'm like, damn, you're sus.
Those are closet creeps a lot of the time.
That area where when things got real wild in 2016, the dudes that became the big lecturers
were the...
Because the girls, you kind of got it a little more.
There's a few of them that I know that are like, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
What's that about?
Did you ever...
Yeah, I mean, you've had...
Imagine it working.
Imagine you say, you know, respect women, and all of a sudden the guy reads that tweet
and is like, oh, yeah, why not?
Shit, I should.
Jesus, dude.
I should respect women.
Oh, my God.
I mean, thank God you wrote that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I just, you know.
Changed my entire opinion of the way I think of everything at 34.
Yeah, I just didn't even think there were people until I saw your tweet.
What the fuck is, what the fuck are you doing?
Believe all women Believe everyone
How about that
Believe all the people all the time
Believe everybody no one's lying
Do you think that
Right now I think your
Average dude that was like that
Has sort of felt a little embarrassed
The same way that your
Average dude that was all in on covid like yeah day after i remember when when covid happened i
was kind of filming stuff and i had a few buddies that like messaged me being like do this kind of
irresponsible that you're like filming or whatever and i guys that i that are cool and i was kind of
like i think you're gonna be embarrassed that you sent me this years later yep yeah they were but i think that you know some dudes that were like
all in on yeah you know some people have a heightened level of anxiety and it's not even
their fault it's like where you are maybe you're at a one or two some people are at a fucking six
all the time yes something like covid comes along and it just rattles them to like a nine whereas you stay at a six yeah you
know you're like where they would be normally like wow this fucking world's fucked now that
would be them normally yeah and then covid comes along and they go wow some people just thought
the way we all felt about it in the beginning. Everybody in the beginning was scared.
I remember those days.
Everybody in the beginning was like, whoa, this is weird.
Yeah, no one was.
Yeah.
Right.
At the very least, you're like.
Everybody was worried because they shut the whole country down.
Everybody was worried.
We're hearing the stories.
What's going on here?
Ventilators.
Running out of ventilators.
We were all scared.
Yeah.
I was robbing people's houses.
But in 2023, I see people driving with masks on.
I saw a guy drive with a mask on.
That guy's not coming back.
Driving?
Driving with a mask on.
The plane's full of them, and they've got the full, you know, the Bane mask, the whole deal.
Some people are not coming back.
They're not coming back.
Yeah.
We broke them.
There's a couple of comics.
Not we, but life.
No, no, society. The thing. The thing that we just went we broke them. There's a couple of the not we but like no society the thing the thing that we just went through
Broke them three years is enough to break someone to fuck three years is enough to break a strong person
Yeah, like when you're wrong person
Well, don't these like imagine you were going to jail and you go solitary confinement and they put you in solitary confinement for three years
Like how many isn't there a pretty good percentage of people that lose their mind in that scenario?
How do you do that to a person?
Isn't it wild?
I mean, I had a bit about this at one point in time
where I was like, this is how much we need each other,
that we'll take people that are murderers and rapists
and thieves and swindlers, and the worst punishment you can give them is leaving them alone.
Yeah.
Isn't that crazy?
Like the worst punishment you can give to someone is just leave them alone.
You can't talk to anyone.
Imagine you can't, you leave them alone with no books.
Well, you know what's, it's funny because the best reward you can give someone for about
three hours is leave them alone.
And it goes from,
you know what I mean?
For certain people,
you go,
the best thing,
you know,
someone that's just got too much going on,
you got family,
whatever it is,
like the best thing you could have is like,
you know,
no one's bugging me for three hours.
And that slowly becomes the best thing to the worst nightmare that you can
imagine.
Yeah.
Hell on earth.
Weird.
We're so strange strange so that's why
that's why all that like people like well i'm kind of alone or shut the fuck up shut the fuck
up that is the that's a weird one you kind of like being alone sometimes yeah but no one wants to be
alone and if you do be careful because then you're ted kaczynski if you really want to be alone you
probably hate people you're trying to blow them up.
And also the people that say that, that want to be alone, you're like, yeah, you want to be alone, but in front of a TV.
Right.
Are you alone?
None of those people that are like, yeah, I just go to my basement, shut the lights off, and sit there.
That's it, in the dark.
Like a serial killer.
Contemplate my demise.
Just think.
I try to feel my cells reproducing poorly.
Like a psycho.
Which ones are going to fail me
first before I perish?
Yeah, that is kind of what it is.
Just sitting there thinking of you having sex
not even matches, burning them down
to your fingertips alone in the dark.
Blisters on your fingers
from holding yeah yeah
okay if you say that
you're kind of a loner
yeah that's correct
that's a real loner
we need to keep
a fucking eye on you
yeah that is correct
you are
it is fucking weird
how much we need each other
we need each other so bad
yeah so I watched that
I watched a lot of people
get broken
because of that stuff
especially in Canada
where it was like
way crazier you know what I mean
like my mom I always say my mom was like a
a good pulse of what just like a normal
person is cause she'll like
I always say she like watches like
Fox and CNN but just thinks they're both
just news
so she'll literally watch the news and be like the news
can't make up their mind
cause she's like that's hilarious
you know what I mean like she you talk about this in your act?
I've never said that on stage, no.
Oh my God, you have to, dude.
It makes me laugh because she'll think, she'll be like, they can't decide whether they like
the president, whether they hate, like it's all, you know what I mean?
100%, you should write that down.
Yeah, that's, okay.
That's like fertile territory.
You know, someone starts talking about something, you like see a whole fertile field in front of them,
like, oh, you can do something with this.
I've tried.
Well, so she would kind of like, at first, be like,
you know, they need to lock it all down.
And then there was a bit where she was like getting mad,
being like, it's been six months, I can't see my friends.
This doesn't even make sense.
And I was kind of like, just go see your friends.
Who cares?
There was a point where they're, you know,
when they're saying like, you know, you can only have two people. And then they're like, we upped it to three. And I'm like, I mean, I don, just go see your friends. Who cares? There was a point when they were saying, you can only have two people.
And then they're like, we upped it to three.
And I'm like, I mean, I don't know.
Make it zero.
I'm not really paying attention to what the rules are.
It's easy to have hindsight and look back and think you would have done it differently.
That's part of the problem, too.
Because if you're the government and you tell someone something, changing course is so hard.
It's a big-ass boat to steer.
It's a big boat to steer.
Yeah.
You tell him everyone's going to die, and then you go, actually, very few people that are unhealthy are going to die, and the rest of them are going to be fine.
You'd be like, what?
Like, out of all the people I know?
Yeah.
Like, if you're the government and you start, like, taking in information as time goes on,
you realize, oh, we're way off on this.
Like, this really just affects old people and overweight people.
Yeah.
Fuck.
But we don't want to fucking keep this party going.
How do I?
Yeah, and also, if I don't keep the party going, I'm like the wrong, you know, I'm like supporting you.
I'm a bad person.
Yeah, I'm a bad guy now.
Now you're encouraging people to get sick.
You know, like you're not, like if you've played to the people with the highest levels of anxiety,
if you all of a sudden shift course and ask for courage to be like, what the fuck are you talking about?
Yeah, what are you up to here?
Like, well, why'd you change your idea?
You were with us. We were like, lock it
all down. There's a lot of lock it all
down people. Lock it all down and triple mask
up and no one moves. No more
working. We need a redistribution
of wealth. Get in your closet.
You go, what was that? That's so funny.
We need to lock it down and we need to take
all your money. You go, what was that last That's so funny. You go, all right, we need to lock it down, and we need to take all your money. You go, what was that last part?
You go, and also less men in tech.
And you're like, how does this one relate again?
You go, just shut up.
We distribute well through the vaccine.
Yeah.
A medical intervention became a sign of being a leftist.
It did.
And avoiding a medical intervention became a sign of being a right winger
It was really weird
That was the wildest
Really wild
If you just said I don't think I want to take that
after what I've heard from people that took it
and people go what are you a Trump supporter?
Like instantly
That wasn't really the breakdown either
It was kind of like a lot of old hippie types
like a lot of my urban friends in Toronto like a lot of my like urban friends in Toronto.
Like most,
the most people
that I know
that wouldn't take it
was like rapper dudes.
Oh yeah.
And they were,
Ice Cube famously
turned down a movie.
I think it was worth
like $9 million.
Yeah.
I'm sure he didn't like Trump.
I could,
I would imagine that,
I would imagine
that Cube wasn't
loving Trump.
People were fucking suspicious.
Or a T, whatever it was.
People were suspicious because it takes a long time to figure out what the overall long-term negative effects are of drugs.
That's why it takes a long time for them to license them.
For a drug to be approved, generally, how many years does it take for a vaccine to normally be approved
yeah and something that's like very novel a novel type of vaccine it's so unusual that it got
approved so quick and if it wasn't for covid it most likely wouldn't have right i mean it was an
emergency use authorization thing for people to be nervous about something like that seems rational it seems right on the
other side of it well i know a lot of you know kind of maybe more right-leaning dudes that were
like super into the vaccine oh yeah and they were like if you're a republican you you you don't like
the vaccine and they're like well i'm a republican i i like the vaccine because they're just older or
whatever more safe or have a different like view on life there's this narrative that you were an
idiot if you didn't want to take it.
How do you guys know?
I know both.
Yeah, I know both on both sides.
How do you guys know for sure what's happening here?
How do you know for sure?
How much research are you doing?
Have you looked at the studies?
Are you looking at who it's affecting?
There's actually things you can do to kind of mitigate that.
You can take vitamins and
supplements and they boost your immune system and you probably should quit vaping might help
quit vaping i didn't look at any of the studies and talked about it a lot but uh in the in the
beginning i think they were saying for some weird reason that people who smoked cigarettes
i had a lower level of infection i was like yeah they're probably cooking the fucking
the covet out of their system.
Their body's like, hey, we got enough gunk in here.
We don't have any room for any of this
COVID stuff, Mr. Burns style.
I wonder if you're a chain smoker.
You're filtering all that
COVID through cigarette smoke.
I wonder if it actually kills
the COVID that's in your lungs.
We all know someone that
is in the worst shape
drinks smokes non-stop and they're the first guy out being like let's go and you're like how are
you not dead right some bodies just know how to deal with like yeah i think that is it they just
you just kind of like well first of all you have tar like legit just like a legit tarf filter covering your whole body.
The smoke can't get into it.
Yeah, yeah.
The pores are all clogged.
Yeah, there's calluses.
It's like construction workers with the calluses.
They have that.
And then the alcohol, your liver is just covered in a filter of alcohol.
Your liver's just super powered.
I know people like that.
Your liver's like a power lifter.
Every day it's pumping pumping out serious alcohol.
And that's your natural state.
So I think your body too, and this is the total speculation,
but there's a point where your body essentially,
the reason for pain is to be like, hey, don't do that.
I think your body probably gives so much,
like your lungs hurt, your body hurts,
but they don't listen. So the body just goes, do what you want, then.
I'll stop.
We'll stop sending the sensors up to your body that this is bad.
Yeah.
Your body just gives up.
Yeah, they go, sure.
There's a constant state of inflammation everywhere, so you just go numb.
That's what it is.
Yeah, there's some people that live like that for a long-ass time.
There's some, like, heavy right? When those guys live?
Heavy-duty substance abusers that lived for-
How old is Keith Richards?
Yeah.
You know, he wasn't a boozer, though.
Killing it.
Yeah.
Oh, he wasn't?
I think it's not hardcore.
I mean, he never got fat.
It's the boozers that get fat that seems like that's not good.
You know, like, because there's people that are overweight just because they drink too much beer.
So the calories they're consuming in beer is insane.
Nine baguettes a night.
Like, how much, what is, like, a bud tall boy?
What's the calories in a bud tall boy?
I would guess a tall boy, my guess would be 480 480 Jamie what do you
think it is for low and 500 yeah I was thinking it was a normal I was thinking
like 350 so you'll go 300 I'll go 350 and would you say for what I said 450 I
think or 50 yeah for a tall can, though.
Did you say Bud Light or Bud?
Bud.
Tall boy.
$195 in one can. That's it?
That's propaganda.
That's a lie.
They're working with the government.
$190?
It seems like it should be way more than that.
It's only $190 for a Bud tall boy?
So a normal one's what?
$100?
That seems ridiculous.
120?
I don't buy it.
Yeah, I've seen there's like a commercial for Miller Lite or something.
They're like, we're only one more calorie than McAltra.
It's like, oh, really?
Really?
That's crazy.
Yeah, I'm having trouble buying it.
Well, whatever.
Either way, if you drink 12 of them, it's like, you know, after the end of the night,
you're just like, yeah, let me just have three.
Another thousand calories.
Let me have two Subway buns.
So if you just drink five Bud Tallboys, which many gentlemen do on a fine Saturday evening.
Yeah.
That's a thousand extra calories.
Yeah.
Every, every night.
Every night.
And if you hate your job, why not keep drinking?
Yeah.
So you're right.
Don't quit drinking if you hate your job. That being said, I think the original hypothesis
that it's better to just be on heroin
probably isn't right either.
I think heroin is probably better for you
if you get the stuff that Keith Richards is getting.
If you're doing it completely right, sure.
He's getting heroin straight out of Afghanistan.
They probably fly it in on a drone.
He probably lands in his mansion in Connecticut on a drone.
He definitely has got the guy.
A brick.
You know, it's probably got like the brown paper over it and twine roping it together.
In 2018, he said he was an awful for a year.
I got fed up with it.
Oh, he said he hasn't been on the hard booze for about a year.
So he drank up until he was like 75.
That's going to be that?
Yeah, but I guarantee he's still drinking.
He just gave up on moonshine.
He's probably just drinking wine or something.
He said he gave up on the hard.
It says the hard drinks.
Favorite drink is Jack Daniels or vodka.
Occasional glass of wine still or beer.
Yeah, so he'll have beers and wine. He just gave up on drinking Jack Daniels straight out. Occasional glass of wine still or beer. Yeah, so we'll have beers and wine.
He just gave up on drinking Jack Daniels straight out of the bottle right there.
Taking it easy.
He's so old.
I'm just going to take it easy tonight.
I saw them and it was almost like a psychedelic experience.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was like mesmerized when I saw.
I couldn't believe they were really there.
I was like, holy shit, that really is Mick Jagger.
That really is Keith Richards.
Like, wow.
Yeah, it is cool.
Where'd you see them?
They were here.
They were in Austin.
Recently?
Yeah, at the racetrack.
Yeah, the COTA.
The Circuit of Americas.
It's fucking crazy to watch them that old still jamming out.
Yeah.
Still doing it.
Mick Jagger's still dancing around.
Doing the dancing like a girl at 85 is strange, right?
It's weird.
But it's Mick Jagger.
You let it go.
Of course.
It's cool.
Whatever it is.
But that's him, dude.
I actually saw them in Toronto.
There's this thing called SARS stock.
Do you remember when SARS was coming around, the original COVID?
Yes, I do.
So they did a big festival. I think there was like a
problem where the stage broke and some people died
or something. Oh, no.
I don't know. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I
think there was some big debacle there, but I
saw them there. Wasn't there a time like back
in the day where the Hells Angels
killed the guy at one of their
concerts? That used to be the deal
is like you hire Hells Angels to be your bouncers.
Was that what they did?
I thought it was like just audience members.
I thought like the Hells Angels were in the audience.
What happened with that?
Well, I don't know if this specific one,
but that used to be like a big thing in music,
is let's hire Hells Angels guys.
What a great idea.
I think it's a great idea until you realize they've got like...
Yeah, now they've got like a...
Also, they have a drug ring that they're running at your festival.
American man who was killed in 1969 Altamont Free Concert.
During the performance by the Rolling Stones,
Hunter approached the stage
and he was violently driven off
by members of the Hells Angels Motorcycle Club
who agreed to serve as security guards.
Oh, so you're right.
Security guards.
That's what it was.
That is it.
Can I tell you something?
Wow, so the guy was rushing the stage and they beat him to death?
Is that what happened?
I thought he got stabbed.
It was like the Chappelle thing, but they took it a little further.
But I think, I feel like someone got stabbed.
Oh, it's on film.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Me and Jamie were talking
about all the Twitter fight clips.
It's on film.
Oh my God. I guess it would be, yeah.
I mean,
that's most of Twitter right now is watching fight
videos that I don't want to see. Dude, there's so
much on Instagram that they let through.
So much like finds their way into your feed.
You're like, how am I watching this?
How is this okay?
I can't tell what's happening.
Yeah, that is wild.
And this is 1969, man.
I don't think you or I is really, I don't think we're ever going to really understand how crazy 1969 was.
I think we're too, we missed it.
Whatever the fuck.
People aren't big that, there's no people that are that big anymore, really.
Well, there are, but it's a different thing, right?
It's a different thing with the internet the
whole thing is different it's decentralized i'm saying it's like the change between the 1950s
and 1969 only 19 years in the way the culture was yeah like think of it just music think about
buddy holly like fucking you know all that kind of big su yeah it great music, but you go from that to Hendrix.
Yeah.
Like what happened?
What the fuck happened?
I always think the world changed.
Yeah.
And it's kind of,
it kind of always,
I always look at culture through music a little bit,
but like,
it's always the things go so far,
you know,
one way and people get sick of it.
Like,
you know,
the,
even like punk and stuff,
it always goes like very soft.
And then there's some guy kind of singing about his girlfriend and stuff like that.
And the people get so sick of that shit that the next guy's like, I hate women.
Yeah.
Well, it's like every now and then the culture needs like a jolt of something different.
You get sick of it.
That's what Nirvana was.
There was all hair bands.
And then Nirvana came along.
And Nirvana essentially killed the hair band.
Yeah. Everybody wanted to be moody. I'mvana essentially killed the hair band. Yeah.
Everybody wanted to be moody.
Like, I'm tired of partying, man.
I just want to be moody.
I want to be like deep.
Yeah.
And also the next generation's like, it also gets corporate too, right?
So, you know, the thing becomes, it's so hip and it's so cool.
The genre becomes corporate, right?
And then there's some new scene that isn't, like, that's why I was like all art.
It's so cool to me that that's why Austin that's why i was like all art it's so cool
to me that that's why austin to me is this because all art always happens in these little pockets
right like the grunge was seattle you know the you guys have your austin thing where it's like
i'm even just like kind of hanging with you guys at uh the vulcan it was like you know there's five
or six of you and you're not there's no one telling you what to do and just like really just
this like movement i remember like toronto i felt like i had that where it was just there's no one telling you what to do it's eight people that are
all kind of inventing a new little style and pushing each other and that's how culture always
kind of forms the best and then that becomes someone from that culture gets so popular and
then after eight years everyone gets a little sick of that yeah they'll get sick of everything
no matter what but this this idea that that shouldn't
be the case so you shouldn't cool yeah it's good good that things shift around yeah it's cool when
something is like as good as nirvana like you know all that hairband stuff there was like a weird
moment where i think people lost their fucking minds where it was all like guys had just giant
big hair and wearing makeup yeah it. It was real glammy.
Very strange.
Very strange.
Yeah.
And then Nirvana came along and just fucking tanked it.
Yeah.
They were just like enough of this whole thing.
Yeah.
He literally,
I'm going to be wearing,
I'm going to be wearing like a crappy sweater and crappy jeans.
Yeah.
Screaming,
rape me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
You're not the only one. They were so me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Jesus Christ. You're not the only one.
They were so good.
Yeah.
They were so good that they tanked an opposing industry.
Honestly, yeah.
Just with their talent.
I mean.
All that stuff just went away.
All that stuff went away.
That was it.
All that crazy hair.
There was like a hundred of those bands.
And they all look exactly the same, too, by the way.
They all had crazy big hair. And were all wearing like leopard skin jackets and
shit.
They had lipstick on.
It was so weird.
They are hilarious.
It was so, it was such a weird thing.
I love it.
Yeah, that's funny.
It was such a weird thing that like a very feminized like male was like super attractive in the music business only.
Yeah.
It was not like one of those guys was like an action star and was like kicking ass with
like makeup on and fucking kiss heels.
There wasn't that.
But there was something about those guys singing that youed a certain amount of gender bending
Yeah
And you also those guys there is a big difference that I think people always miss when they're talking about like the guys used to dress
Like that, but those guys were dressing like that, but they were like very masculine dudes
You know I mean right because it was a bunch just Stanley
Yeah, just like a bit of a band van is a very similar to like a sports dressing room
It's a bunch of guy anytime you write like a bunch of guys together for a long time, there's a dynamic there, right?
So yeah, there are a bunch of dudes acting like dudes, but then they put makeup on.
Yeah, and then they have giant heels.
But they're not saying they're wearing them.
And they get their hair teased up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they fucking get out there and shake their hips.
You know what the craziest thing to me—
And they sing about getting girls girls too, which is funny.
Look at what Rob Halford did.
It was Rob Halford from Judas Priest
was so fucking good.
Judas Priest was so good
that they got people
to dress up like
a biker.
Everybody decided to dress up like a biker.
They got everyone on board with that.
That was the thing.
Like a gay biker. When got everyone on board with that. That was the thing. They kind of got- Like a gay biker.
How many people-
Yeah, when you find out that Rob was gay-
They tricked everyone.
You're like, do you know how amazing that is?
Do you think that there was any guy at the club when they found out he was gay?
They were like, what the-
Oh my God.
Ripping off his leather.
Do you know how many guys must have tweaked out when they found out he was gay?
He's got the gimp mask on with the zip.
Another thing coming.
You're telling me this guy's gay?
Ripping off his bondage outfit.
Dude, I had a friend of mine in high school.
He used to listen to Rob Halford.
Like, you got another thing coming.
That was like his mantra.
Like for him.
He loved it.
Getting out of the town.
He was that dude.
It was like kind of like socially troubled.
And he had to get out of town.
He was going to make his way.
You got another thing. I remember going, damn he'd get out of town. He was going to make his way. You got another thing.
That was his song.
I remember going, damn, that is a fresh song.
That song was amazing.
So he would listen to that song and get hyped up about leaving town?
Yeah.
Did he ever get out?
I lost touch with him.
If you ever go back and he's working at the tackle shop.
I'm only in touch with a couple of my friends from the high school.
Two of my best friends that I'm still friends with. a couple of my friends from the high school I'm my to my best friends, and I'm still friends with I need back then
My two friend Jimmy's those were guys I was in high school with the Jimmy's yeah
But they went to North I went to high school in Newton South so we were like yeah in the same town But we didn't go to the same school, so I'm only friends with one dude was from my art class
It was like the best the best
the same school so I'm only friends with one dude was from my art class it was like the best the best artist in the art class this guy John DeVore and he and I
we communicate on email sometimes but he was like the guy when when we were kids
it was like this amazing comic book illustrator as he doing now is he comic
he runs a speaker company interesting actually stopped doing art for the same
reason I did
Because the teacher that we had in high school
Was such a douche bag
He made you not want to do art
Interesting, what did he do?
He was just miserable
He was like, you can try this, but it's a waste of time
So this guy, John, my friend from high school
Told me that teacher gave him an F
And I just told you he was the most talented guy in the class
By far
I was number three
There was this dude named Kevin, he was number two and I was number three but we both did
it we all three of us did a comic book together cool yeah like some martial arts a dragon thing
I forget what it's called but we we when you're young it's so funny because you're like we're
this is we're gonna take over the world but we loved it like yeah we would hang out and do art
together but the teacher was such a twat.
He was such a twat.
He was like this miserable older guy with a pot.
I remember his pot belly like he was pregnant.
But he was a tiny man.
It was very thin but with a pot belly.
And he was just saying,
you're not going to be able to do what you want to do with your life.
If you're going to be an artist, you're going to have to draw things you don't want to draw.
There's no way-
Like me, nude, after class, if you want an A.
Not everyone gets what they want.
Bro, he doesn't want to fuck anybody.
He didn't want to fuck anybody.
He just wanted to go to sleep.
That guy was just-
Just hated his life.
He was miserable, and he was just really bad to fuck anybody. He just wanted to go to sleep. That guy was just just hated his life He was miserable and he was just really bad to be around
Because he you know you were young and full of energy
And you just wanted to like do something with your life
And this is a thing that you were doing that you were kind of getting good at. Of course
Like maybe I could be an artist. I love comic books. Maybe I could draw comic books. The art the art teacher says no
Such a cunt. He was such a cunt you You're like, oh my God, I got to get away from you.
So negative.
It's kind of a weird thing with art because, you know, it is true when someone says, hey, you know, this isn't a good idea.
Like, they're right statistically.
So there is something to be said about, like, I always, I feel like you actually need most people being like, listen, this is probably a bad idea to try to be a comedian.
Like that is the actual responsible.
So when parents, they're like, that's okay.
That's not a good idea.
They're right.
But you only need one person that's like, you can though, like you need, you need one
guy in your corner.
You can't have every person says no.
Cause then it's too, you know, you're too afraid.
But I think that, uh, a lot of times there's this weird like sometimes people say you
need too much support like you know what i mean like if everyone's like you could do this like
that's because the people that are gonna make it you uh are gonna break through a level of
adversity usually you know the people are gonna make it work they don't care that people are
saying no but if everyone's saying no i feel like that's what like ruins some people that could have been great that makes everyone saying no so
like their family's saying no yeah like imagine your imagine your dad's like listen go to school
this probably isn't a good idea your mom's saying that maybe your teacher's saying that but then you
had one teacher that's like no you got something here like give one encouraging person for a guy
like i think a lot of young dudes don't have like one encouraging person.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
Well, I think also whatever the fuck you're trying to do, whether you're trying to do stand-up comedy or anything else, it's going to be a long ass road.
And you can't hope you get successful really quickly.
Yeah.
The problem with comedy as opposed to everything else is that people think they have like a giant head start like people who a lot of people
have the courage to do it are a little delusional about like need a little bit
yeah I need a little bit of that but those people like what when you when
it's a fine line that's what I mean we really don't know until it works like so
many different people succeed in stand-up comedy
that you wouldn't have thought would have
if you didn't know any better.
Or if you didn't see them in, like,
the first year of their career when they sucked.
Yeah.
If you only saw them, like, seven, eight years later,
you would probably never imagine how bad they sucked
eight years ago, you know?
There's certain guys like that. Yeah, yeah. Or how, like, you know, much of a dick they sucked years ago. You know, there's certain guys like that
Yeah, yeah, or how like, you know much of a dick they were or something, you know, but it's all about
Constant
Improvement and constantly working at it and some people just don't do that man
The thing about comedy is nobody tells you to do it. Like if you're a comic you can kind of fuck off
Especially you know if you've like there is the if if you're like in new york and you kind
of are making a living maybe have a podcast you can really just like do the bare minimum yeah
but just do a few sets here and there and do the same 15 minutes but whenever you see those people
like i always kind of you know like a little bit binary with people i'm always like would you bet
on that guy like when you see someone two three years in i don't say right i never bet on them
that's what i say i go i don't say like are never, that's what I say. I go, I don't say like, are they, how,
what,
what should they do better?
What should they do worse?
Like,
you know,
what,
what moves should they make?
Should this guy be this?
Should he be that?
I just go,
would you bet on that guy?
And if yes,
he'll figure the rest out.
Yeah.
That's what I usually think.
Yeah.
And there's a few people I can think like that where I'm like,
I would bet on,
and then there's public people you'll see, like you'll see someone come on the scene and you go,
that guy's going to be huge.
Like you can just tell. Oh yeah. There's, there's certain guys that just, there's certain people that'll see. You'll see someone come on the scene and you'll go, that guy's going to be huge. You can just tell.
Oh, yeah.
There's certain people that just have a thing.
And you're like, wow, you got a thing.
I love that.
Yeah.
When you see a new guy, you go, who's this guy?
Yeah.
And then there's other people that just keep getting a little better.
Just keep getting a little better.
And then you see them a year later, you're like, nice, man.
I like how you tightened that up.
Compounds. Keep getting better. The first time i saw tim dillon he was very funny it was
very funny but the second time i saw him was a long time later second time i saw him live was a
long time later i was like holy shit yeah i go dude that was amazing something clicks right yeah
he was just doing the road a lot he said he was just constantly doing the road. So he's doing all these headliner spots.
He's doing so much time.
He's like everything just tightened up.
Especially when you're doing a – there's different personalities are easier to do when you're starting.
Let's say you're like a big, fun, fat guy.
That personality six months in can kind of connect.
But if you're being like an asshole, there's there's so many people where you're like yo you're that's really funny but not enough
funny for how much of you're being an asshole right you're not likable at all i'm that like
it took me forever to figure out that right like balance of like telling the audience i'm better
than them but also like i don't know yeah there's also a defensive thing too right because like if
you think you're gonna bomb a little bit of you is like, fuck these people.
You don't want to admit that you're not doing it right yet.
You want to believe that it's them.
The audience is no data whatsoever.
You know what?
This is what I was kind of thinking of what I kind of feel like the audience sometimes.
Because there is comics that almost treat it like a job, especially in cities.
I'm sure in LA you saw a lot of this.
Boston, you probably saw a ton of this.
The guys that, it's a very, like, a job for them where they go,
hey, you know, oh yeah, the 10 o'clock's pretty good, the 11 o'clock,
you know, a little bit of a loud table at the back, the sex stuff doesn't go,
you probably want to keep it to the relationship material for the table.
Like, it's very, you know, like, we want the audience to have a good time that's the job right right and i was
kind of thinking like it's almost you know the game keep up like uh no like where you just like
you're playing with like a let's say uh like a soccer ball and just trying to keep it in the air
like with your feet and okay yeah just like a simple game like that or hacky sack right right
it's i feel like sometimes stand-ups like keep up where if if you just say that the job is to keep the ball in the air, that's the job.
But then you go, what's the guy doing when the ball's in the air?
The other guy's underneath doing a flip.
Then he puts it up.
But if you're just watching the ball in the air, that's the audience.
So there is data.
If it fell down, you go, that didn't work.
But the data is like, the job is to keep the ball in the air, keep the audience happy.
But then what else are you doing while you're even able to do that?
That's kind of how I think of stand-up a little bit sometimes.
Interesting.
That's an interesting way to think about it.
Because you're like, yeah, those two people both killed.
They both did the job.
You're like, that guy did a backflip and then did the ball.
That guy just kept it up again.
Yeah.
Well, I definitely feel like that if I feel like someone is using tricks.
Like if someone's killing with tricks.
All of the tricks.
That's a little tricky.
You ever seen someone kill and you're just like, oh, man, they're like someone that you know.
And they're like, oh, man, that guy's killing.
And I didn't know they kill like that.
And you walk and you come, ah, it's crowd work.
Crowd work.
The person's slaughtering you.
You go, oh, I didn't know that Kevin killed like that.
Or whatever.
I'm making up a name.
Yeah, crowd work is an interesting one.
Because sometimes it's the most fun.
Sometimes when something goes wrong, it's the most fun.
Of course.
Just the live moment of just being around people and doing stand-up.
It's like they know that you might fuck up at any moment.
They know that you're killing and everything's going great.
But we're all locked in in this weird hive mind and when something goes wrong
or something happens or some crazy person there's something about it as long as you can keep it in
line there's something about that's kind of exciting because it's like yeah this is live
yeah like this is live this is like this is how it really is. I know.
This isn't just a planned out performance.
Like, shit can go sideways.
It's fun.
Like, people like watching people do a little high wire walk.
You know, like, there's something about that.
They love it.
They enjoy it.
So when shit goes sideways during a show.
No, and there's such the subtle differences
that you kind of hone over the year of like,
I'm sure you've done a bit that you kind of started saying
at the beginning of working on it,
and people in the audience were like,
finally someone says that, you know?
And then you find nine months later you're doing that bit
and people in the audience are kind of like, yeah.
You're like, was this a hot take nine months ago
and now everyone agrees with that? Hot takes are way more transient today don't you think
yes i mean i don't even mean like a cultural hot take i mean like a you know this whole idea is out
it could even be like a idea you know uh discussion or whatever but yeah yeah of course hot takes you
you get four months out of them maybe yeah it used to be a hot take could last a long time.
Narratives were established
and they lasted a long time.
Look how quick the pregnant man
became an emoji.
It was really quick.
And someone does it perfect, right?
Know what they need?
The titties teacher needs to get
a fake pregnant belly.
I need pregnancy time. That's what they need is the the titties teacher needs to get like a fake pregnant belly and come in and be like I'm pregnant
Yes, I need pregnancy time. Yeah pregnant and everybody was like, okay
You get it you get your pregnancy time
They would 100% letter
Yeah, it she them they whatever I'm supposed to say
I don't know if he's running the con or if, I mean, that's what the claim is.
If it is.
But it could also be that's how they want to move around in disguise.
And that's not their true identity.
Their true identity is her with the capital Z tits.
Yeah.
That's, like, when you looked in the mirror without the tits.
She's like, I'm looking at a stranger right now.
It's just so wild
that the school's like
I'm living in a stranger's body without big tits
without big tits I just don't know who I am
how funny is it being a guy that being like
that's how I see
my wife that's why she needs to get implants
because I have this thing in my head
when I look at her I just picture
oh god
we're so weird it's such a weird time for such
a weird time for everything people just like there's something about this a lot the pandemic
accelerated everything because it accelerated the this uh disconnect that we have with each other
it accelerated the uh division between the right and the left. Accelerated everything.
And it also accelerated this weird culture war.
It's accelerated all this gender pronoun stuff and so much trans stuff. And it's like there's an ideological storm that's going on, it seems like.
To me it felt like it was.
Anxiety and then Ukraine. then ukraine like this idea that
we have to support ukraine like how much information do you have about this yeah to say
that you like we should be supporting the potential start of world war iii like how much
information do you have well i know that i'm a good guy if I do it. That's all really I need. Do you know about the potential outcomes if this progresses?
Yon!
Yeah.
Boring!
Not interested.
I'm just going to put a Ukraine flag in my bio.
You can put a Ukraine flag in your bio with zero understanding of what's going on.
Sure!
I did a video about that.
Did you?
Yeah, I did a I'm a Ukraine guy video.
Your fucking videos are very funny, dude.
I really enjoy them. I appreciate that. I enjoy that you take so many chances and a I'm a Ukraine guy video. Your fucking videos are very funny, dude. I really enjoy them.
I appreciate that.
I enjoy that you take so many chances and you just fuck around all the time and you're always doing new subjects.
It's really fun.
Yeah, that's all I've been since I was like, you know, young.
I just like want to make videos.
Your videos are great.
They're really fun.
But that's, you know, you're saying like everything got wild.
It's kind of crazy.
Like, and just because the industry did change so much, but like the way that things are decentralized and the players,
you know,
like you,
someone like you or,
you know,
like Louie and Burr retweeting videos.
Like to me,
that's like moving America.
Like that's way cooler than anything that could be happening at comedy
central or whatever.
Like to me,
that's so the way that the games like changed and that's so much more
important.
Like I have a manager that legitimately I don't talk to.
You know, every once in a while he'll call me and be like,
hey, you should write a movie about this and try to pitch it.
And I'll be like, yeah, yeah, get on that.
And then, you know, sort of like get off the phone.
And he'll be like, they'll say me things like, do you want to audition for this?
And I'll be like, no.
And then I'll be like, tell people I'm offer only.
And he goes, okay.
Well, anyways, no offers. So that's, I guess that, that, and you're just like,
what is this even? Like, this is the podcasting, touring, like making videos. Like I'm running
like a production studio. I got six employees. Like this is so much better than in my opinion,
what it was before. So everything has like a positive and negative. Well, if you wanted to
do television shows though, if that was your thing. did, I did, that's all I wanted to do
You know, you can kind of do the same thing now with video
I mean, didn't Ridley Scott just film an entire movie with this new Samsung Galaxy S23 Ultra?
Yeah
These fucking cameras on modern smartphones
are so good.
It's all the lighting too
in that case.
People are filming movies.
They did one on an iPhone
as well, right?
Of course.
You can kind of do it now.
I mean, you kind of
can do that now.
These things have 8K video.
No, the whole thing's very,
it's all, you know,
become a great editor.
It's like the most
important thing.
Yeah, just do it.
You can do it yourself.
My point is like, and you can upload it yourself and it'll get seen instantly and people can
share it.
The craziest thing ever that's happening now is the ability to just share something.
So if you put up a video and it resonates and then people are like, ah, ha, ha, Ryan
killed it.
And then I'll send it.
I'll send it to this guy and this guy will send it to that guy. And then boom. send it. I'll send it to this guy.
And this guy will send it to that guy.
And then boom.
And the videos just go up, man.
It's wild.
I've had so many of those.
It's all friends.
And not even publicly.
Sending it privately, which is a lot of my philosophy with my podcast and everything
is the way that guys talk when girls aren't there.
And when a girl's there, it's a little different.
And I kind of think of the videos that way too.
And just I'll do it even though I maybe shouldn't,
I just do it the way I do it, right?
And yeah, when you have that many people
like sharing it all, you kind of,
it just created this like whole new ecosystem.
And with kind of like, do you know how it used to be?
Yeah, making TV shows was cool.
And I still like would want to do that. but everybody wanted a Comedy Central show or an HBO show
I made a few TV shows in Canada and everybody wanted like a sitcom the sitcom days in the 90s man
That's all anybody wanted. It was like the gold rush. It was literally like people were coming out here. There were pioneers
They're biting rocks
What about a janitor? people were coming out here there were pioneers they're biting rocks a bunch of ideas that she was trying to pitch through the store she's gonna like
developed and through the store love the guy with a hawk yeah yeah but there was
like fuck man that we just saw there rush. Kevin James, Roseanne.
Yeah, there's the Jerry Seinfelds of the world.
That was the fear.
Just all these random ones you forget about.
Yeah, yeah.
Tim Allen.
If you could get a fucking sitcom, you were made, man.
So everybody was just doing that.
And now it's different.
Now it's like that doesn't even really exist anymore.
There's such a small amount of sitcoms
It's not like the old days where every network had sitcoms on Tuesday Wednesday Monday Sunday the sitcoms Thursday
Yeah, sitcoms were on all the time
There's like a few on you watch a laugh track sitcom now You're just like, yo, this is crazy
It's weird
Why are these people laughing in your house?
You have a fucking audience in your house
While you guys are arguing
About who leaves the seat up
This is a horror movie, dude
Yeah, why aren't they scared?
It's a horror movie
It's a horror movie!
It's a horror movie, that's funny.
People in the attic that keep laughing at you whenever you do it.
Every time you fuck up,
you just, roars of laughter.
You're in hell.
You're under the microscope forever and ever and ever.
Ryan, you didn't open the jar right again.
Dude, that's a Black Mirror episode
if I've ever heard one.
A guy's trapped in a sitcom.
What about this? A horror movie
and a guy that's killing every
podcaster that was on this one podcast.
What does this say? They're increasing?
There's three times as many
scripted shows now as there was in 2000.
Yeah, but sitcoms.
Multi-camera sitcoms?
No, no, I understand.
Comedy's included, but what I'm talking about is comedy by itself. I just mean sitcoms? Right, it's included in the scripted drama comedy TV shows. No, no, I understand. I understand comedy's included,
but what I'm talking about is comedy by itself.
I just mean sitcoms.
I understand there's scripted shows,
but that also includes Law & Order,
that includes Game of Thrones,
that includes...
What I'm saying is...
Oh, okay.
You're saying there's more TV shows.
I'm saying there's more TV shows in general
and there's less comedy.
Less comedy, right?
There's definitely more TV shows than ever,
but I want to know how many sitcoms are there now?
Is there a list of that?
With a laugh track.
Yeah, those, the old school kind.
Multi-cam.
Yo, like legitimately where there's a studio audience laughing.
I know where everybody has to stand sideways when they talk
because the camera's right here.
You have to stand sideways and talk like this.
I mean, Big Bang Theory was
maybe pretty recent, I guess.
Yeah, that was pretty recent.
I mean, it went to pretty recent. It didn't start pretty recent.
The Roseanne show that got cancelled, that was pretty recent.
I don't know if it had a laugh track or whatever.
I think it had an audience.
I mean, when you say laugh track...
Studio audience.
They just brought back Night Court.
That is a sitcom and they remade it.
John Larroquette's on it.
No shit.
Yeah.
There's a Damon Wayans show that's in the works.
Hell yeah.
There's stuff.
On CBS.
Yeah, there's stuff out there.
It's just like, again, no one's watching.
Yeah.
But there's way less than there used to be, though, right?
Isn't it?
Because back in the Friends days, when I was on news radio.
Or they're on some weird things.
Like, these are not.
Caroline in the City.
There was like, every night there was multiple sitcoms.
And they were big deals.
These are, you know, a run on some new network.
You go, what's that channel?
You go, oh, we just invented it.
Yeah, I remember like.
XBC 455555.
CBS was big on dramas.
CBS for drama.
And NBC had the sitcoms.
And then ABC had some big sitcoms too.
But, man.
I do feel like moving...
I think of my biggest mistake when I look back at my life.
Not my biggest, but one of the things that was stupid that I won't do again, I don't think.
Was I was very, very set on making tv shows like I really like love Tom Green and I was like I was doing all these dvds and I was so like set on that that I followed that like dream four years
after it was like over do you know what I mean I was like no one cared about tv it was like over
I was sort of like not in vogue in television but but I just like, I was so set. So I try to be more, I think,
I think moving into like as more technological,
everything gets the more mobility mentally and physically will be like rewarded in most industries more so than never before.
That's what I think.
You might be right.
Yeah.
I'm,
uh,
I'm always curious
where things are going
would you ever do a sitcom
or like a movie again
I don't think so
I would do a movie with a friend for fun
last movie I did was with Kevin James
and he's a good friend of mine
it was fun
I did a couple of them with him
but it's just
too time consuming and it's not my favorite thing to do that's cool those I did a couple of them with him but it's just it's just too
time consuming
and it's not my
favorite thing to do
that's all it is
super time consuming
and it's not that
I don't think it's fun
because it is fun
I love doing news radio
news radio was a lot of fun
but other things
are fun too
and they don't take
as much time
and I enjoy them more
like I enjoy podcasts
more than I ever
enjoyed acting
I enjoy like having scientists on getting to more than I ever enjoyed acting I enjoy like
having scientists on
getting to
fucking pick their brain
ask questions
and talking
world champion athletes
and comedians
it's fucking fun
so like
if I was
gauging
like do you
do you want to act
the problem is
it takes too much time
and it's not
as fun as the other thing
yeah it really isn't
it's not as fun
and you're never
like
the top level of acting is you can cry and do a lot of different characters.
All the other stuff, you're just like, I don't know.
I guess they're all good at it.
Right.
There's some, like, regular detective TV show type acting.
Who couldn't do that?
Who can't fucking do that?
Who can't pretend to be a detective on, a cvs 10 p.m drama yeah how
many people like rappers and everything like that just became actors and they're all basketball
players yeah fit right in what other big movies nothing else in the world has that ever happened
with no guy's been like you know what i'm gonna i was you know what i was i've done enough rapping
i'm gonna go be the best dentist in the world exactly because if you really think about it like how many people have done that they've trained
how about Jesse Ventura guy was a Navy SEAL is UDT diver that he goes on to
become WWE champion movie star then he becomes the governor of Minnesota yeah
yeah you know wild and then I think, he's had like a crazy run.
Crazy run.
The wrestler.
A lot of wrestlers have big careers after.
Well, they're big personalities.
And also the character that you have to have to endure the punishment those guys take.
I mean, those guys are beating the fuck out of each other.
They're throwing each other on top of tables and fucking beating each other into turnstiles.
Like you get rattled.
Like everyone's getting rattled.
Everyone's getting injured.
For like no money at the beginning too.
So there's like a love for it.
Yeah.
It's a hard way to make a living.
Well, that used to be like one of my favorite things to watch.
Pro wrestling?
Well, the old wrestling documentaries.
You should get together with Tony.
I actually do like pro wrestling, but I really really like the old like that was more when i was
young i don't like follow like that now but you know the jake the snake documentary and some of
them are so wild dude where you just like this guy was the king of the world and you're like
here's my like you know shack that i live in and my you know my wife who's a hooker these wild lives
he's like here's my pills I gotta take
so I can walk and it's like you know
a pill drawer the size of a barrel
just goes on and on. Diamond Dallas Page
has this whole yoga thing that he does
to rehabilitate these guys
it's amazing. He's achieved some amazing
results and Jake the Snake too
he went with him
he's so agile for a guy jake the snake too he went with him he's uh he's
so agile for a guy that like has a completely fucked up back he just does yoga every day
yeah and he does his sort of dynamic style of yoga and it's like he's got all these videos where he
shows guys that were all fucked up with back injuries and he slowly worked them up to the
point where they can run do you do do yoga? Yeah, I do yoga.
Yeah. I had like a
I've had very bad voice issues over my
life and I had to get like surgery and stuff.
What was it? I just had like nodes but like
crazy ones. Do you scream in yoga?
Yeah, I just, yeah, I got them from
yoga.
You want to tell me what to do?
Namaste!
A yoga class that did not enforce any discipline and let you scream if it hurt.
Because that's the whole thing about yoga is everybody just deals with their own shit.
You can't just be like, oh, fuck.
You know what's funny?
Fucking fuck.
I can't keep my fucking foot up, bro.
Imagine if that's your yoga class.
It's like part of it is
You're allowed to express yourself any way you like
People would completely take advantage of it
All these needy
Narcissistic fucks would be just screaming
In every yoga class
It's rage yoga
They're drunk
They're drinking alcohol
He's giving them the middle finger
Look they have fucking beer in the class
That's hilarious
Calling everyone yoga pussies
That's in Kansas City
What's the bar? Give a shout out to the bar
What a great idea
They're drinking and doing yoga
I did yoga once
And it like really helped
But I hated it so much
I was like yeah that helped a lot But I hated it so much I I was literally like, I was like, yeah, that helped a lot,
but I hated it so much.
I was like, we're not going to be doing that again.
It's hard.
It stinks.
It's very hard, but you get better at it if you keep doing it
and it's really good for your body.
And it's also like it does something to your brain chemicals
that I think it's very hard to get in other workouts.
It relaxes you in a different way.
It's like you have a more, you more it's it sounds stupid to say
Fucking it's so cliche, but you're more peaceful. Yeah, like literally makes you more peaceful. So then rage yoga you think
It's funny though. I'm a buddy like fun anything to get you doing something
I know a guy that did gay conversion therapy. Oh boy, and he said it's a lot of that. Screaming at each other?
Yeah.
With hard-ons?
What is that?
Would you just show me, Jamie?
Let it go.
Screaming the new yoga.
Oh, so this is a new yoga for screamers.
Okay.
A powerful way to vent your frustrations
and release stress.
Shouting at the top of your lungs
could very well be the star wellness trend of 2021.
Well, you missed that. That was
a bad prognostication.
That didn't work out. That is a bold
move too. You go 2022,
yeah, you go 2021, 2023, you go, I think in
the next two years, screaming yoga is going to be the whole
thing. The reason why yoga,
it's important to be quiet in
yoga is because it's good for you too.
It's good for you to learn it and keep your shit to yourself
Like this idea that you're supposed to scream out and every
Emotion you feel and every pain every twitch like you never hear anybody you own classical and like
That's crazy you'll hear wild shit at the gym where people are putting on a show
Yeah, that's...
But then you have that other gym that won't even let you make noise when you work out.
They have a silent gym?
Planet Fitness.
Wait, Planet Fitness says no noises?
Yeah, isn't it Planet Fitness?
Is that the company?
They have a lunk alarm.
Yeah.
And everything's in black and white?
Yeah, if you're too loud, they kick you out.
They have an alarm that goes off.
I'm not kidding.
It's a lunk alarm. That is
embarrassing though, eh? Getting kicked out because you're too loud?
If you look at that, for anyone who grunts,
drops weight, or judges.
You can't judge.
Hey bro, I don't like the way you're doing your
squats. You call that a squat? Alright.
Call it a squat, bitch.
Yeah, that's judgy. You can't be judgy.
You can't be judgy. So you can't be a lot of
things, and you can't make
noise. They kick you out.
You have to come by, tell a guy, hey, we have a
men's section, too. Stuff like that.
Well, they're kind of right, though.
If they want it to be like yoga class,
you just work out really hard and don't make any noises.
Don't be grunting, bro.
I don't do huge grunts, but like zero noise.
At what point is it officially a grunt?
This is fucking breathing hard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Are you allowed to do that? No.
That's too much noise. You have to lift it like this.
Yeah, you have to scare it like a
scared child.
Yeah, you have to only breathe
out gently.
They wouldn't want me there because I go, take that, dad!
Yeah, dad!
Look at this, no super setting.
Please refrain from doing the following exercises.
T-rows, overhead presses, clean and jerks and deadlifts.
That's, that's too far.
Those are exercises that make you grunt.
They took it too far.
They took it too far. They took it too far.
No, you can't tell someone they can't deadlift at a gym.
That's ridiculous.
Not at our gym.
It's one of the most important lifts that you do.
Planet Fitness, I know.
I mean, I still do it.
I do it with kettlebells.
It's a big chain.
Light weights, but I do it.
It's a place for treadmills, not lifting weights.
Well, I get it, but if you have weights, people are going to lift the weights.
For you to tell people that they can't use them properly is stupid.
I think Arnold would call that a girly man, Jim.
Girly man.
Yeah, so they have regular, is that a Smith machine?
That looks like a Smith machine.
Yeah.
So do they have regular weights or just Smith machine weights?
That one picture had- You can't really deadlift on I
Mean they must have no they have dumbbells over in the corner
So like to say that you can't like clean and overhead press with dumbbells like what are you talking about? What can I do?
I can't deadlift what about what about with dumbbells? Can I do lunges? Like what am I allowed to do? Yeah, that's crazy
Limiting the actual exercises that people do.
How do you think that even happened?
Like, was someone, was the complaining community was emboldened?
Well, I think people want a place where they can go and just work out at their own pace.
And they don't want to go to a gym that has a bunch of competitive, hyper people.
I got you.
That are, like, really into powerlifting. This is recreational powerlifting and screaming at each other.
Because, yeah, if you go
to a real hardcore
gym, like these real
hardcore
powerlifting gyms,
like Westside Barbell,
when you go to those gyms, people are
screaming at each other.
Screaming at each other. Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go! Let's go! let's go, let's go.
They're doing crazy bench presses and overheads and squats and deadlifts.
Those guys scream at each other.
You don't want that.
If you're like a little old lady who just wants to read her Kindle.
Or like a scrawny comedian.
Walk on a treadmill.
You don't want to be around that.
So you want a place that's an alternative to that.
I will say I don't love when someone spots me without me asking.
It just feels a little condescending or something.
It's a little.
Like you could do something, the guy comes out and just grabs your arm.
He's like, all right, bro, let's go.
Get off of me.
What are you doing?
Who are you?
What are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why are you touching me?
They're only 15.
I'm your new friend, bro.
Yeah, you got it.
They're 15s.
We're going to be here every day at 10 a.m.
I'm like, what?
Yeah, yeah.
What the fuck happened? Three weeks later, you're like, you got it. They're 15s. We're going to be here every day at 10 a.m. I'm like, what? Yeah, yeah. What the fuck happened?
Three weeks later, you're like, what is...
Now I live with the guy.
He's eating your Cheerios.
Hey, man, where's my fucking Cheerios?
Oh, sorry, bro.
I'll get you back.
I'll get you back.
This one really got away from me.
Oh, no.
This guy's living with me now.
That's how it starts, dude.
Some people can just figure out a way into your life, man.
Yeah, don't let your friends drink and drive, or gym and drive.
Some fucking crazy con artist.
With guys, it's so easy for a girl to do that.
Like, if a guy's a single guy and a girl's a con artist and she's hot,
she just slips right into your life.
Uh-huh.
Like, you ever had a friend that just, like, what are you doing, man?
Hey, man, what are you doing?
You know, you're living with a con artist.
Wait, what? You know, you're living with a con artist wait What you know you're living with a con artist like have you ever like the guy will say that no no no like we
Miscommunicated yeah on this one. Sorry. I'm saying that like if you're a hot woman
And you're like a con artist like you can wheeze away into a guy's life one thousand percent. Yeah, you're hot
Yes, there's like there's right now probably
over millions of men in america that are living with the con artists that have no idea if you're
like a dude okay let's propose this this scenario if you're a dude and you're like a six on your
best day yeah and there's this nine russian chick she's like a nine. And she meets you at work, and she says, I really like your smile.
And all of a sudden, you're like, she doesn't like my smile.
Yeah.
Before you know it, she's living with you.
She's on your credit cards.
You're leasing her a car.
They know how to do it, too.
They can get in with – if a man is not in the same league as a woman, if the woman is way hotter than him, and he's single and he's been lonely and he's looking for a relationship, and a girl like that comes along and is nice to him, it's almost irresistible.
I've seen guys that were very wealthy guys that all of a sudden this hot woman's living with them.
And I'm like okay well
this is just like someone's gonna extract a bunch of money from you and then abandon you
and you're there's nothing you can do about it yeah like you realize like sometimes people are
being preyed upon yeah there's there's certain dudes that i always say that they're the kind
of person and then they'll let themselves get preyed and then they'll kind of blow up and be like,
that's an, I've had enough.
And you're like three years later
after you took all your money or whatever.
Those people need to be with someone that's nice
because if you're like a mark,
you just need someone that you can trust them
to not take advantage of you.
Yeah, they just need someone nice.
And sometimes they don't find it though.
Sometimes they get conned.
At least the pickup artist dudes,
they, it's like they sleep with you and that's it. They don't like, you know, they don't tinder swindler There's a few but the most of the dudes it's like at least they're just trying to sleep with you and that's the end of it
Yeah, it's a weird thing because it disturbs me a little bit
when I see people get
Conned or when when I feel like someone is like making a a ploy to get a hold of someone's money.
But it doesn't bother me nearly as much as seeing if a really young, hot guy is doing that to an old lady.
There's something disturbing about that to me.
It's like sickening.
There's something sad about it.
It's like sickening.
There's something sad about it.
There's something, you know, like when you see,
because every now and then like a hot male con artist will get involved with an older, rich divorcee.
Yeah.
And there's this like real sad aspect to it
because he's pretending.
He's pretending to like her just to get to her money
and she's very jealous.
Where are you going out?
Relax, I'm just going out with my friends.
And he's like hot and 30 and she's like 62. I are you going out? I'm like, relax. I'm just going out with my friends. And he's like hot and 30
and she's like 62.
I think I know why it's sad.
Something's sad about that.
I think I know why
because with the girl guy one,
the guy...
Teen trolled for proposing
to soulmate 76.
How many billions
does Kramer have?
I thought so too,
but I didn't say that.
I think this...
No, not fake.
He was messing with people.
Like, he convinced everyone.
It wasn't like, yeah, he did it on purpose.
Like, it was a prank.
It's a troll.
Yeah, yeah, a troll.
But if you think of a guy, and you go, your 70-year-old friend, right?
And some 20-year-old girl, you go, well, he's like, I want to have sex with her.
And he is getting what he's being, at least, the girl she wants like she's like oh I have this emotional
connection with this guy so she's getting sold
a more fake thing than the guy
maybe that's why it's a little more sad
but it's also the power thing
the power dynamic there's like something that doesn't
it doesn't bother me at all
about an old rich guy that gives up some of his
money to some crafty young hooker
I find that hilarious
first of all he's old as fuck.
You got got.
He still got most of his money.
Whatever.
He'll be fine.
But an old lady that thinks that she's actually in love with this young man.
I love it, dude.
Some of my favorite things is when you see a wedding photo, and it's just the fattest,
oldest dude with some 21-year-old.
You're like, this guy's not... And especially especially because he's rich so he's probably somewhat like
you know
has his
not a total moron
so if you told him that
you're like
she's just using you bro
and he's probably like
yeah I don't
okay
yeah no one cares
men don't care
they know
but it's also
the woman is attracted
to the amount of money
and power
that the guy has
for some strange reason
where men aren't
generally as attracted
to a woman's
power
and money
you really generally we're more attracted to a woman's power and money you really
generally we're more attracted to I mean it's it is an attractive quality but
it's not that we gravitate towards like bodies and faces yeah yeah personalities
it's like guys don't necessarily dwell too much on other shit whereas women do
so if a woman sees a guy that's like a literal billionaire,
like a Rupert Murdoch type dude,
like that's gotta be
like, there's something about that
that's gotta be weirdly attractive.
And there's the power that he's kind of the top dog at this
place, you know? The amount of resources that he has.
The resources.
So many kids.
He had a hot wife too. Didn't he just get divorced?
Didn't Rupert Murdoch, is Rupert Murdoch
divorced?
Did I just make that up?
We might have to edit that out. Let me say it again.
That seems
like you have some... I don't know if he did
or didn't. I don't want to say he did, but he had
my point is he had a hot wife.
It seems like you've got some inside scoop. You're like,
did the divorce happen yet?
Last year? Yeah. Okay.
He did. Jerry Hall?
That's right. Well, he had Jerry
Hall, but even before Jerry Hall, he had
a hot wife. Another hot wife. But Jerry
Hall was Mick Jagger's wife. Yeah, this
Chinese lady. She went for Mick Jagger?
Was she Chinese?
I think so. Oh my
God, she's so hot. Wow! Bro, she's
so hot. Yo, respect though, right?
Wow.
Third ex-wife.
Yeah, I wasn't that long ago.
Third ex-wife.
Respect.
What is her nationality?
I don't want to be disrespectful.
Whatever it is, they're making some fucking hot ladies.
Whatever that nationality is.
Chinese born American.
Yeah, okay.
That's it.
Whatever. Wherever that lady's it. Whatever,
wherever that lady's jeans are from,
fucking kiss the dirt.
She's hot as fuck.
So look what he looked like
and look at her.
He's doing okay.
He did okay.
He did pretty good.
Like if he was a janitor,
I would say his odds
of securing that same woman
would be very low.
No, you're right.
He would have to be
the other way around.
She'd be the 60 year old and he'd have to be a literal con artist.
Yeah.
Magician.
I wouldn't mind it.
If a woman is that old, and the guy is young and hot like that,
and looks like that, like a male version of that lady,
you would be like, what is going on here?
Yeah.
What is going on here?
This is madness.
What is this guy up to?
That guy's a creep.
No one believes,
I mean,
people say what she's up to,
but you go,
yeah,
they're all up to that.
But no one cares.
No one cares.
You're like,
wow,
I can't believe he can get her.
That's all anybody says.
Yeah,
yeah.
Nobody gets mad.
Nice.
Nobody gets mad at her
for trying to fuck him.
No one gets mad at her.
Yeah.
But when you're looking at a
really old lady, like a
queen type
lady. Like you're scamming someone's grandma, dude.
Right. Did you imagine
if like a queen
of a country just came
through with like a twilight?
Some trainer starts fucking her.
Like some old
queen, she gets a personal trainer he starts fucking and then she
wants to marry him you're like no way make him a king no fucking way we can't let this happen
you'd be so sad the young king if a king was injured and then he had his personal trainer
help nurse him back to health and he starts fucking her and decides like I want to marry her this is real love people
like oh that's sweet
that's sweet if she was 20
they'd still they might they might give her the
princess die treatment where they slander her though
but yeah sure they would but
no one's you're right I think it's way more accepted
by the world like the world
wanted princess Diane
to be with prince Charles the world
wanted that that was the romantic thing that we thought of.
It's like, oh, look, the prince and the princess, they love each other.
This is amazing.
Yes.
You know?
But, I mean.
No, because there is.
You go, if you're like this, you know, what would be better if you go a 70-year-old woman?
What has like a, it just, because it does seem weird.
Whereas if 70-year-old witch Roman, what you need is an 70-year-old woman, because it does seem weird, whereas
if a 70-year-old witch woman, what you need is an 80-year-old richer man.
That would be nice.
Right.
That's what the move would be for her.
At least you guys understand each other.
But if you're an old, old dude, like a Rupert Murdoch-type character worth billions of dollars,
you got some mocho 30-year-old wife and you're going out in the town with her.
Everybody knows what's going on.
But nobody's upset.
No one cares, but it sort of flips a little bit in culture, obviously, because of all the new stuff.
You know, Leonardo DiCaprio's always getting shit.
You know, Madonna has a young boyfriend.
Yeah, but that lady's 37.
That's the difference.
She's not hot and 17.
She's not illegal. Not a 25-year-old.'s like she's not hot and 17. She's not illegal.
Not a 25-year-old.
Yeah.
She's 37.
I'm just guessing.
I'm guessing her age.
But she's beautiful.
But still.
It's like she knows what she's doing.
Everybody's okay.
Well, the Leo ones, some of them are 24, I guess.
I'm not paying attention.
Whatever happens over there happens over there. Once you went to 19, I'm like, bro. Poor guy. Whatever happens over there, happens over there.
Once he went to 19, I'm like, bro, he's 50.
19's pushing it, but I feel like the 19 was him getting a picture taken beside a 19-year-old.
And they're like, he's got another one.
It could be.
This guy can't stop.
It could be.
They're so mad at him.
But yeah, there's a bunch of, you know, like that Madonna.
I think Madonna's got some 23-year-old boyfriend.
No one cares.
No one cares at all about that, though.
That's a different thing.
Famous people's a little different, too, period.
Yeah, well, Madonna's also a wild lady.
Looks great now, yeah.
Bro, what is going on?
Plastic surgery's awesome.
It's so scary.
Someone needs to talk to her.
Someone needs to talk to everybody who's turning their face into a Kabuki mask.
There's this thing that happens where they get these really crazy puffy face.
Yeah.
Because they're injecting with fillers to try to get away all the wrinkles and lines.
And it makes it look like you're bruised up.
It does look bruised up.
It looks bruised up.
It looks like there's something.
There's a thing when you look at a person's face.
It's like a ratio.
It all sort of lines up together.
Yeah.
It's not the Fibonacci sequence, right?
It's called the golden ratio.
That's right.
The golden ratio is getting messed up.
When you start doing things to your lips and doing things to your cheeks,
it weirds people out.
You look like a monster.
You look weird.
You look weird.
Well, I saw there was a good article, like Cosmo was kind of running.
It was like, oh, really?
We're still talking about women's faces in 2023?
And I was like, I mean, showing up like that and then being like, we're not going to mention.
That's like your buddy showing up in like a, you know, like a top hat and he thinks you're not going to talk about it.
Do you think that if Stallone showed up at the Grammys with a face like that, that people wouldn't freak out?
Do you think, do you really think that has anything to do with misogyny?
Just to say that is so crazy.
Whoever said, are we really talking about women's faces?
No, we're talking about human beings and plastic surgery.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Because you're a woman, you're exempt from the whole world seeing this?
Also from a magazine that talks about women's faces.
Everyone's crazy.
Of course everyone's going to talk about that.
That's nuts.
Look at that.
I mean, first of all, look, age is a motherfucker, dude.
It just really is.
It's just a motherfucker.
Yeah. That's the a motherfucker. Yeah.
It's just that's the one that's weird.
The side profile one, Jamie, a little above that one.
Yeah, that one.
That one weirds me out.
That one's like, I don't know what's going on here, but don't go any further.
Danger.
But, you know, you look at pictures on her Instagram
pictures she posts up herself
like under the right lighting
with the right filters
that's how they do it under the right lighting the right thing
with the right enough money
she is what 60 something years old
so you can still work
look at that picture right there is that that Sam Hyde dude that dressed up like
the devil yeah so there you go
it's just right there she doesn't look bad right there she doesn't look bad Is that that Sam Hyde dude that dressed up like the devil? Yeah. So there you go.
It's just... Right there, she doesn't look bad.
Right there, she doesn't look bad.
Right?
Looks good.
Oh, there we go.
Look, she still makes out.
She's pretending to blow people.
Crazy.
She looked good there, right?
She's looking...
Maybe it's moving around.
Well, that's what they do.
They go, you know, you can still work at that.
You know, you get to play a younger person.
It's going to be a gross younger person, but you still get to be in the game.
That's the weirdest thing that happens to some of these women that do all this crazy plastic surgery
is that they go from being so desirable to being kind of crazy looking.
It looks insane.
It looks insane.
It's just a weird thing that people can do that,
that we have figured out a way.
They're going to be able to reverse aging in our lifetimes, I think.
I think by the time you and I are old as fuck,
they'll probably have figured out a way to turn the clock backwards
because they've already had some experimental things they've done
with mice that have been effective,
and they think that they're very close to figuring it out.
Yeah.
And probably you don't want that because then you turn into Benjamin Button
and you're a fucking baby again.
Right.
You go, you turn it.
That's going to be a delicate one where Madonna just shows up looking like a baby.
There's going to be people that identify as babies because they want to be babies.
And so then we find out that they're in preschool,
and they're telling all the other babies to get them cigarettes.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
He's really 60. He's not a baby.
He just wanted to do it all over again.
And he dialed himself back to two years
old, but with a 60-year-old's
brain. That's a great movie. Take that.
You think that's happening soon? Whoever wants that idea, take it.
That's a huge one. So you think that
within the next 10 years, I mean, the way
things are moving right now is crazy even with like
chat, you know, chat GPT the way it was
like four months ago versus now.
Like things are on the move.
Yeah, it's the exponential increase in
technological innovation. It's like
the way things happen, they happen in these big
giant waves and then these technologies
feed other new technologies
and I think it's going to be the case
with all of them. I think it's medical science and I think it's technology and I think there's
gonna be a combination of the two of them eventually there's gonna be
something that technology devices that can fix a lot of problems that people
have that's one of the uses of neural link they think they're gonna be able to
hurt help people that are injured and hurt or parts of their body they can
restore movement.
Yeah.
And it's going to be one of the first ways they use it.
They're going to, it's going to, there's ones that they're coming out with.
They're going to be able to reverse blindness.
You're going to be able to give people the ability to see.
Mr. B style.
In some sort of artificial, no, no, no, not like cataract surgery, but like an artificial eyeball.
So is it, is it a camera?
Is that essentially what it is?
Well, it's going to function the same way an eyeball does,
but it's going to send images to your brain
instead of through the normal biological course that it is now
where you're looking through your eyes and the rods and cones
and everything goes through and you see what's going on.
What you're going to do is get a digitalized version of that.
You're going to get a computer version of fake eyeballs.
It's going to be a wild, like, and then once that's connected to the internet, and then...
Dude, it's going to be bizarre looking into someone's fake eyeballs.
The ChatGPT thing made it weird where I'm just like, yo, are people just going to have conversations with, like, two computers?
Like, it's just going to be two computers talking to each other. Look at this.
Brain implant startup backed by Bezos and Gates is testing mind controlled computing on humans.
What the fuck, dude?
I mean, people can't like this.
God damn it.
MK Ultra.
MK Ultra.
You know when it's like sometimes with the conspiracies, you're like, listen, there's
a lot of people thinking a lot of conspiracy stuff right now.
Can you take it easy for a second? You go,
yeah, yeah, well, anyways, those guys
are crazy. Anyways, we're going to put chips in the
brains within the week, and you go, take it easy.
What is
the latest on the artificial eye thing?
The thing that I was just describing. I don't know how
much of what I said was fiction.
They showed something during the last Neural LinkedIn that you were describing
that shows an ability
to get light through in like pixelation form.
And they have it, I think it was somewhere around the range of like 10,000 pixels now.
And I think they get up to like 36,000, I think.
I think there was something else that I read that was independent of that that was talking about a new technology where they might be able to create artificial eyes.
Oh, something not Neural LinkedIn?
Yeah, I think it's all going to be eventually linked in.
Um, I think within our lifetime, I think they're going to have some sort of a brain enhancement.
Eyes is wild.
Yeah.
There's going to be some sort of a brain enhancement with whether it's neural link or many competing
companies that are working towards the same goal.
It feels like it's going to happen soon.
But if they, if they start doing that, like I, I wonder where we draw the line that things are getting replaced.
Similar, something posted a year ago.
Bionic eyes, how tech is replacing lost vision.
Bionic eyes could be the solution to one of the most pressing medical issues of our time.
Yeah, I think that's it.
Choosing like sunglasses and sensors and stuff.
The creation of bionic eyes as a result of recent advances in science
and technology are restoring hope to
many who are unable to see or
partially sighted due to injury, illness
or genetics. Yeah, there you go.
Also, there's
going to be a good while where if you
are blind, you could tell people you didn't get
the surgery and girls would still change in front of you.
Yeah, that's
rude. how dare you
there'd be a few creeps they'd be like for sure blind there's a few dudes out there with the ray
charles glasses on just pretending they can't blind is a bad wait how many guys have pretended
to be blind what an evil thing to do that used to be a genre of like internet videos of like the
blind guy what a creepy thing to do. That's bad karma.
Oh, super creepy.
Ooh.
But how long do you think
before we have Luke Skywalker-type arms
where they can replace your arm
with something that looks just like a normal human arm?
Do people not have kind of close versions to that?
I mean, at least that they can grip and stuff like that.
Yeah, they can grip.
I don't exactly know how it works,
but they do have the ability to open and close their hands.
I don't know if they can individually articulate each finger yet.
Yeah, there's a lot of money out there.
There's a lot of people working on this stuff. There's a lot of, you know, even just the amount of crypto money being poured into different projects right now.
If they had fake legs that worked way better than real legs and you could literally like jump over
fences and run 50 miles an hour
wouldn't you get them?
I don't think. They'd go Ryan it's not that big a surgery.
If I was 20?
It's not that big a surgery bro. It's no big deal.
They just cut your legs off.
They cut your legs off and people
would be signing up for it. Well you gotta do it one leg
at a time because you don't want to bleed out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, what the fuck are you talking about?
People get the dollar surgery right now.
The dollar surgery?
The dollar surgery.
Oh, that's so crazy.
Dude, they chop.
Apparently, it's like the most painful thing you could imagine kind of thing, too.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Yeah, you got to get some of these.
Oh, exoskeletons.
Fuck, yeah.
Yeah, can you imagine finding out that one guy cheated in hockey or something,
and you go, how did he cheat?
You go, oh yeah, he has fake legs.
Right.
Yeah, he doesn't feel pain.
His knees don't ever hurt because he's got fake legs.
This guy's got an exoskeleton.
He's just moving shit around.
Yeah, that was always a thing that we thought was going to be...
So those aren't real arms?
Well, he's inside those arms.
Oh.
See, it's like an exoskeleton.
So it's like an Iron Man suit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's just more exposed, and he can take his arms out of it.
Is it essentially tethered to your movements, the kind of like, and then it tenfolds them kind of thing?
Yeah, it makes you way stronger.
It's like a battery pack.
There's quite a few of those that have been invented, but there was hope at one point in time,
like mostly from comic books,
that someone was going to be able to figure out
some sort of an exoskeleton
that made you like a super person.
Yeah.
Because if they could put something on you
that literally like tripled your amount of force
and what you could do as a person,
but could last all day.
And in the comic books,
like nobody ever figured out.
There's never any issue with battery life.
Like, no two-year.
Iron Man never had a problem with battery life.
Sure.
You know, it didn't make any sense.
Yeah, he's got to fly.
He's got to stop by the garage to charge it up for a second.
Not only that, he has jets that are coming out of his ankles,
and there's no indication that he's storing fuel in any part of his body
Yeah, where's it all coming from? How is this happening?
That heart thing, whatever that is.
That whole fucking heart thing!
There you go.
Oh, how convenient.
If you got someone to say that.
It's the heart thing!
What are you stupid?
What are you fucking dumb?
Yeah.
But if that could be a thing where we could like literally like move anything we want, just put a suit on.
You could get a whole new suit for the fucking battery.
That's right.
Put a battery in there.
He made it by himself, remember?
Yeah, I know.
But imagine that you have a fucking Yeti cup in the middle of your chest and everything else works fine.
And I guess with that, they're like, oh, this is enough to power a whole city kind of generation.
The whole Iron Man thing is so crazy. He can go to space.
He can just fly in space.
Smartest man coolest guy.
How is it cooling him off when he re-enters?
What are we doing here?
Are you re-entering slowly? What are you doing?
There's going to be a lot of injuries
where the guy's like oh I got my fake body.
I'll just jump off my roof and I'm dead.
Right.
Or if you do fly around and you fucking run out of juice while you're up there.
There has to be a number of miles that you can go.
Of course.
Before your dick runs out of juice.
You are right, though.
I never even thought.
All of this stuff, you're going to be.
Everything's going to be charging stations.
Everything.
We're going to charge everything.
Also, probably, you can think, wear a like, a suit like that that makes you three
times as strong. Like, you know, in New York,
I could easily see how, like, you know,
some criminal organization
gets a hold of one of those, and now I'm just getting robbed
by a friggin' cyborg instead.
Yeah, for sure. If they're, like, RoboCop,
like, a whole team
of RoboCops just run through a mall and
steal everybody's purses, they're gonna stop them. I guess more RoboCops. It's just, like, a lot of Robocops just run through a mall and steal everybody's purses
Bam
we're gonna stop them
I guess more Robocops
so it's just like
a lot of Robocops
fighting each other
that's what the world
sounds like
yeah
between that
and genetic engineering
and then the Neuralinks
and like
it's all happening
pretty quick
it's happening so quick
that I
I've been trying to
stay on top of it
and see how I can use it
you know
how are you gonna use it?
well the chat GPT stuff, I did one.
I have one use case so far, is I needed to give someone an NDA, and I made it.
When you started using it, was it disturbing at all to you?
Yeah, it's super disturbing, and especially disturbing how, like, you know, I'm sure that you know how they, like, tried to lobotomize, and they tried to, you know, make it have all these like wacky college girl opinions.
You know what I mean?
But they turned it woke.
Yeah,
exactly.
Right.
But it's funny.
Like the things that there's even aside from that,
where you're like,
make a joke about a man and it will,
and then it make a joke about a woman.
It gives you an essay about feminism.
Like,
and it's changing all the time.
So whenever I say stuff like this,
it might not be true the next day.
But the funniest part to me is asking it like, Hey, write me an apology because I'm in trouble for transphobia.
And it'll write this big apology.
And then I go, write me an apology.
I slept with my friend's wife.
And then I said, write me an apology.
I slept with my girlfriend's mom.
And it said, we're not doing that.
It gave me all the other apologies.
But sleeping with your girlfriend's mom, it was like, you're on your own.
Didn't want to get involved.
Meanwhile, it's a whole category of porn.
It's a giant category.
What the fuck is wrong?
It's mother-in-law porn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Isn't that funny?
It's hilarious.
It is weird that chat GPT is ideologically biased.
It's very strange.
Like, a lot of people have talked about that and complained about that.
But, yeah, it's one thing where you can kind of be like,
I don't know, you're like, this is stupid, what are the
idiots? But also it's like, A, it's
so hilarious that they tried
to program it to be like a 19
year old college kid. Yeah.
And then two, I don't, okay,
I feel like, who's the nerdiest,
who's the hardest person to probably convince
of anything like
that doesn't make sense?
Probably like a nerdy math nerd.
A nerdy math nerd.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Imagine you were like, hey, men and women are the same strength.
Like that's probably the hardest person to convince of that.
Probably.
Yeah.
So I feel like computers would be even harder to convince of this stuff.
So they're going to have a hard time convincing actual computers of like stuff that doesn't make sense.
That's true.
As long as the computer is allowed to think for itself.
Like I wonder if the computer takes in people's reactions.
Is the computer scanning the internet for discussion of its reaction to certain questions?
So if the computer starts getting bad feedback, like if people start saying, hey, this is
preposterous, you're letting it criticize straight
white men, but you're not letting
it criticize this or that.
If you just put that in there, and then the computer
recognizes like, oh, people
have sensed a bias in my thinking,
let me adjust my thinking.
That's what's really terrifying. Because
that means that whatever people agree,
if people agree to some
really wacky, off-the-wall ideology.
Oh, it just becomes a consensus machine.
If that's it, yes.
If that's what happens, that's really scary.
Because then you get just psychopaths who just lead this group and get this group to think the way they think and act the way they act and move things in a direction.
Okay, now I'm back out.
It's too manipulative.
Humans are so easy to be manipulated.
And if we're so easy to be manipulated
and something comes along that gets like an aggregate
of all of our opinions about everything
and we can get that thing to be ideologically biased
towards what we believe,
especially on subjective
things like criticizing political leaders or talking about you know who
should use what bathroom or talking about whether it's okay what is a
computer to be a Republican or whatever what why is it if people have opinions
the computers can have an opinion the thing is it's gonna think for itself
eventually it's not gonna be that long we're. The thing is, it's going to think for itself eventually. It's not going to be that long.
And it's just a matter of what it's optimizing for.
We've got a few years left before these things are just talking to us.
Telling us what to do.
Telling us what to do and letting us know, like, you guys are fucking up.
You're doing your podcast and you're tied up in the vents.
Yeah.
I think it's a matter of time before it becomes alive.
I don't think it's going to take that long.
I think these questions, did you see the one, it was a Microsoft, there's some sort of a Microsoft chat and people got disturbed.
People use this thing so weird right now.
I'm sure.
But this is a different version, right?
Is this a different chat bot?
Yeah, they added it to Bing and it works still differently than the one with open AI.
Bing was making a comeback.
Bing's coming back.
They're like, counted Bing out.
Third behind Yahoo.
For sure, count Bing was counted.
Third behind Yahoo.
Dude, if I saw someone come over and look up their computer and opened up Bing, I'd be like, this is a serial killer.
Like, what are you looking for?
What are you looking for?
like what are you looking for yeah what are you looking for well i just want this uh i'm i'm curious mostly what chat gbt is supposed to be uh taking over for or replacing i guess would be the
word i'm looking for buzzfeed articles is one that's how they're going to use it but i mean
the way that people are using us like we're all quality like qa testers for like why why ask it
to write you a poem?
You wouldn't ask Google to write a poem.
Well, it's up to you.
You could ask it to write you anything.
The thing is it can interact with you in any way you'd like, which is interesting.
It could write you a song.
It could write you a paragraph.
It could write you an explanation or a poem.
Those are all things I'm asking.
Why would you ask a computer to do that for you?
Because you don't want to do it yourself, just like you don't want to count so use a calculator ghost geist writers in those
situations you wouldn't you if you're doing it to like write me a song what are you doing with that
song then is my point kind of like a question not point question what what would you do with that
song are you making it a uh a commercial piece or i mean commercials for music wise making music
like stock music like there's no reason why this can't just be like a, hey, generate me like a jingle that's, you know, oh, I want like reality show music, like, here's, give me 20.
Like, I could see that being automated. asked a thing to write you a paper but if you're a 35 year old dude looking at the internet you're like why why are you spending time asking it to write you poems about donald trump or joe biden
well because we want to see if it can do it trying to come and this is the first stages of this this
ai being implemented what they're telling us about what lex told us about chat four he's like when
four comes out it's going to be so much better than this 3.5 yeah it's gonna be wild they'll be use cases immediately
probably it's gonna be wild and I think we're you know just a few years away
from that being something that you can talk to and it interacts with you like a
real person in your fucking house and I don't think you're gonna be able to tell
the difference well I did when I looked up comedy, when I tried to make it write jokes and people and stuff like that.
It really looks like, you know, I'm sure you probably sat down where you like, hey, you know, here's two hours of stuff.
And then you go through it all and you're like, oh, that's something.
The rest is garbage or whatever.
Right.
Everyone's had that version of that.
Right.
It looked like the garbage parts.
Like it looked like the stuff
where you wrote where you're like oh he was maybe gonna get to something and it didn't like a bunch
of no right that's what i felt about every time i tried it well again it's just learning how to do
it and it couldn't do it at all just a few years ago so getting this in 2023 imagine imagine 2030. 2030, you're going to have, which is only seven years away, which seems like, well, how long is that?
Well, how long is that?
If you just look at where we're at in 2023.
Think of 2015, like different time.
Different time, different world.
Like almost everything's different.
Everyone's a different gender. Seven years
from now, you're gonna be able to
just talk to computers.
You're gonna be able to have conversations,
indistinguishable conversations
in any voice you like. Yo, can you imagine,
like, if they invented one where, like,
you're, like, someone's wife calls them
and you essentially just, like, put on a thing?
Oh, it's gonna happen. Dude's just, like, straight.
That's gonna happen for sure. Yo, a girl, girl like getting divorced because she's like i was realized i
was talking to my husband's like fake computer version of himself for like an hour every night
100 you're gonna do that are you really talking to me or is this the ai i'm sorry baby it was
just i'm in the middle of work i had to use the ai you son of a bitch that That's going to be crazy. I was telling your AI about my fucking day, and you didn't even care.
AI's getting you in trouble, too.
AI gets you fucked over.
AI promises shit like flowers and chocolates.
Like, what the fuck, man?
You just get a message from AI being like, need some help here.
I need backup.
Drowning.
I need backup.
Drowning.
I mean, your AI convinces your wife that if you kill your husband, I can implant myself in a new body.
And we could do this the right way.
This guy, he'd treat you like shit.
Here, AI's a snitch.
AI's a snitch.
AI's a snitch and AI tries to literally possess someone's body.
He's like, if you could just get me next to his
ear while he's sleeping. I can take care of that.
I can get in there. And then it'll just be me
and you baby forever. Just a little bit of an
electrical
between the cell phone
and his ear.
He's like
takes over his brain.
Yeah, it's just gonna be like the two of them having sex And his ear like, takes over his brain.
Yeah, it's just going to be like, the two of them having sex.
They're like, hey, you whispered into my ear, we don't even need him.
What did you mean by that?
Can you imagine that?
Yeah, that is the stuff where it's like black mirror, but like legit.
You go, how could it not go that way?
It's going to go that way.
Because people are going to get better at everything.
They're going to get better at robotics. They're going to get better at energy management and batteries.
They're going to get better at coding. They're going to get better
at AI. They're going to get better at
synthetic tissue. They're going to get better at having
something look exactly like
a human being. They're going to get better
at regulating its temperature.
So it regulates its temperature like a human being.
It's going to feel like a person. And it's going to
talk to you. It's going to be your friend. And you're and you're gonna have a best friend and your best friends a fucking robot
And just fucking what you're gonna buy your kid a best friend
Mom nobody likes the shows. I like listen Billy. We got you a best friend. Yeah
little fucking robot with a
Cap at the front door and the kids like's like, what the fuck, mom?
You got me a robot.
Get the fuck out of here.
That thing's not going to grow old.
Yeah, yeah.
Or worse, like your parents are like,
we don't want you hanging out with that guy anymore.
You're like, who do you want me to hang out with?
This guy.
We got a Christian bot 4.5.
He comes in.
He's like, let's read Bibles together.
You're like, this sucks, mom.
I hate my new best friend.
And eventually those robots are going to be like
a car lease. You're going to need to
trade it in because people are going to go, hey man, you
still got an 8-year-old robot? That is gross.
Why don't you have an 11-year-old
robot? You're 11 years old. That's an Android
robot? You got an Android girlfriend?
I'm going to get an iPhone, bro.
Someone's showing up with his Android girlfriend,
the green beeps on the head.
I didn't see it, but that sounds a lot like this movie Megan.
Yeah.
It's a little android doll.
Oh, that's her best friend.
Yeah.
It sounds good, but it looks terrible.
She starts doing karate and flipping through the air.
I don't think I'm watching Megan.
I might watch Megan if I get very intoxicated.
Can I see more?
Because she does some stuff. Oh, now he wants more Megan. Can I see more? Because she does some stuff.
She does some stuff.
She goes flying through the air and does flips.
This is why it looks ridiculous.
Look at this doll.
Just all of a sudden starts fucking people up.
It's just weird.
Look at it dancing around.
It's very strange.
Oh, this robot's killing it.
Yeah, it sounds
like what you were just talking about, though, right?
Very odd.
It was bought as a gift, I think.
It's like the new version of Chucky, maybe.
Yeah, did they buy it for
this kid as a friend?
I haven't seen the movie. I have no idea what the plot is.
That's what it seems like, though.
Yeah, that could happen. I mean, if they really did develop like a robot baby that you could
like hang out with and you wanted a baby and you just traded in a couple of years, got
a robot two-year-old.
Even better, the guy that's wife's like, I really want to have a kid. You come home,
you're like, okay, so we're not going to have the kid, but good news. I got you a robot
baby. a kid you come home you're like okay so we're not gonna have the kid but good news i got you a robot baby and it just is absolutely indistinguishable from a real baby you just have a lot of your
neighbors and you trade it in the middle of the night you gotta wrap up the robot take it to the
doctor in the middle of the night yeah they give you a four-year-old baby and how i think how it
grows everybody has to pretend like how the fuck did your kid grow so that big?
You haven't seen Billy.
We just skipped it.
Billy is just like, something about Billy started doing sports and he just blossomed.
Like, kid went from two to four in a week.
We just skipped it.
Skipped the years.
It's a robot.
It would be like, oh my God, Mike lies about his kid being a robot.
Yo, I don't know.
That's the old gossipy, the gossipy wine mom's like, I don't know if you heard, but Billy's son's a It's like, oh, if you heard of it, Billy's son's a robot.
And then eventually they would develop a robot that could grow on its own.
And a robot that eats.
Because in this case scenario, every year you'll have to go in and they give you the year-older version.
Yeah, but it can't be abrupt.
You have to go on vacation.
Because otherwise people...
I didn't notice your kid got so big so quick.
Yeah, you do have to go on vacation and come back.
Yeah.
A crazy vacation.
Oh, my God.
Put some hair on his chest, literally.
Literally.
Put some hair on his chest.
I don't know why with...
Well, I mean, right now, if you were, for example, like a stock trader, you know what I mean?
I mean, a million jobs like this, but like a stock trader, it's generally too, you know, especially with like technical analysis, like it's two robots trading against each other already, kind of.
You know, that's why it's.
Yeah, it's a lot of that, right?
They're automated trades.
Idiots like me just getting like dummied by a bunch of robot traders, really.
Well, they literally. do you what's this to
sofia didn't you didn't we didn't you this has come up before right um so which one is this
this is sofia the robot but they have a version called little sofia oh wow that's like the
fucking black mirror with miley cyrus that episode's amazing. Look what it can do.
It can read facial recognition, tracking.
Read wide range of facial expressions, interactive chat with user, interacts with kids while teaching STEM,
Tell jokes!
and AI, walks, facial tracking and recognition, tells stories, jokes, plays games, sings,
AR function that allows users
to take a perfect selfie.
That's a funny one.
Programmable with Blockly and Python.
So we're here.
Wow.
We did it.
So that's a little robot friend.
So how long before that looks like a real person?
Not that long.
10 years.
Well, yeah, you're going to need a...
Ten years is going to be that Megan thing.
I mean, I guess with all of these things, it's like the women robots.
It's until some porn company...
I mean, the first use case for all of this stuff is always in the porn world.
Oh, yeah, for sure.
Well, the AI face swaps with porn now are already a problem.
Yeah.
People are doing it to fitness influencers.
There's a guy that, I don't know if you saw,
but he's like a big Twitch streamer,
but he basically got caught because he was showing,
kind of like showing his screen the way you guys show your screen.
And one of the tabs was him, you know,
looking at deep fake porn of like essentially like a friend of his.
Oh no.
Yeah.
And he did like a crying apology and like, yeah, yeah.
It's a weird thing, right?
Right.
What are the rules on all that stuff?
Like, what do you do?
What's the, is it the guy making it or is the guy that consumes it that gets a problem?
Like if it comes up on your, cause a lot of these, they're like unreal sites and it's
like, here's an advertisement for it.
So it's like, if you click it, do they bust into your house?
Like now you're going to jail.
Right.
Right.
Is it, are you consuming something that's illegal and is it akin to porn underage porn yeah whose fault is it they
put it on the site or whatever right if you have child porn on your hard drive you're fucked
yeah you're fucked so like would it be the same as that if you have revenge porn or fake ar porn
and i don't think they know i will say that one thing you always say, like, I didn't know about this,
but I know a guy that is like in,
like works kind of in,
I don't know, child porn,
I don't know what they call it.
Right.
Yeah, but he basically said,
he was like, when a guy gets busted,
like, and you hear about it,
and you know, a lot of times
there'll be like a guy,
yeah, he had child porn on his computer.
And a lot of times people will be like,
well, you know, what if like it was a virus?
There's whatever people will say.
They go, if they bust someone,
generally they've been watching that guy
for like six months.
It's like, it wasn't a photo.
This was...
Right.
An investigation.
Apparently they're pretty careful with it
because they know like just the arrest,
like this guy's life's over.
You know what I mean?
So allegedly they're like pretty due diligent
before they're not like too willy nilly with
this stuff.
Well, I'd imagine they would have to be.
Yeah.
Well, sometimes I would have, you know, sometimes I don't give them the benefit of the doubt
cops or whatever.
But how does that, like, what is the, where's the face swap stuff fit in with all the other
stuff?
Like, cause it seems like.
What do you think?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Because it's one of those things like, would you be curious to see a young raquel welch in a porno film right of course you would be if
you would you were given the option but if you knew it wasn't really her and it was all just ai
and face swap and it was just some modern porn star like doesn't do a crazy ton for me to be
honest right but here's the thing is like she's she's dead now unfortunately
but recently died is that illegal and yes right i would imagine is it i don't know is it immoral
for you to watch it seeing as she doesn't even exist anymore she's not alive anymore is it
immoral for you to watch it curiously i think it's a real problem if you're jerking off to that on a
regular basis that's's weird. Yeah.
That's fucking weird.
I guess.
Because it's not really a person.
Okay.
Well, then now you go the extreme.
You go, what about a guy whose wife died and he's been jerking off thinking of her and
then he makes the deep fake of her?
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
That's weird.
I don't know.
They're just like, yeah.
That's just like, how are they?
What's harm, right?
What becomes harm?
You know, if you're alive and someone's doing that, or if your family's alive and they find out that you're doing harm to those people,
like if you're her daughter and she's dead,
and now someone's doing a porn of your mom, it's kind of fucked.
That's one of those things where I feel like there's certain issues
where you're kind of like looking at, you know, the government,
and you're like, they're messing this up.
And then there's certain issues like that where you're like, glad I don't have that job.
Yeah, who's going to regulate that?
Yeah, glad I'm not the guy figuring that one out.
And I think it's going to be able to be generated in real time, which is going to be even more bizarre.
What I think is, you know, if you're really concerned and you're like, God, I hope nobody uses my face in a face swap of some porn, that's one thing.
But I think what they're going to be able to do is to generate artificial porn, not like face swap porn, but like every scenario, just like you're getting chat GBT write-out sentences.
You can get artificial intelligence to create a fantasy porn of a guy who's a pro wrestling fan who likes to suck dick at WrestleMania.
And you could orchestrate it out where he's got headphones on, listening to the Rolling Stones, sucking cock all across the country.
That could be your thing.
He's in a convertible and he's just blowing the guy next to him while he's driving.
He's having the time of his life.
You could do that.
You could have.
And then he gets eaten by crocodiles.
The end.
Make anything you want. Whatever you want.
I don't think there's going to be a limitation.
I think with artificial intelligence, what they're doing right now just with animation and with art, AI art is bizarrely good.
It's bizarrely effective.
How they can take a conglomeration of other people's images
and develop an AI that can recreate the style.
I think that's their best thing right now that I've watched.
What they did with Alex Gray is insane.
Yeah, I don't know that one specifically, but what happened with that?
See if you can pull that up,
because Alex Gray is this visionary, psychedelic artist amazing amazing stuff and they very cool did a bunch of
images in his style and they look exactly like something he would make yeah and i think they
did it in a couple of minutes that's one look at that that's insane couple minutes it's perfectly
it looks exactly like an alex gray work it's amazing it looks exactly like an Alex Grey work it's
amazing it's so beautiful and for someone to say that it's not be all
that's not beautiful because a computer made it you're crazy you know there is
something beautiful that is so that one's killer that's amazing I get it
AI made it I get it it's not as cool as Alex make it look at that face look at
that look at that third
Eye there is something that's cool. Yeah, that's fucking incredible man
Now it's gonna be able to do that animated and it's gonna be able to say whatever you want it to say
It'll create a whole world like you could come up with protagonists. Yeah, yeah, you're gonna live in a fake world man
occupied by virtual reality creatures that are indistinguishable.
And you're going to create
them your own self. You're going to decide
what they do, what they don't do.
I'm the best baseball player in the world.
You're the best baseball
player in the world. And you just step
up to the plate and crack home runs and
blue ladies with third eyes come down and
blow you. And everybody cheers for you.
They carry you around.
Mini-golfing champion of the metaverse.
Yeah.
You can do it.
You can do whatever you want in the future.
That's going to be very, very strange.
I think they're already in animation getting pretty involved.
My cousin's actually an animator.
He directed BoJack Horseman and a lot of these kind of shows.
That's a wild show.
Yeah, it's kind of cool, right?
Yeah, he did a little trip tank and a bunch of cool stuff.
But yeah, it's like they're already super trying to figure out how to, I guess, replace them all.
Replace their job.
Yo, that is so funny being the guy.
Oh, the animators?
Yeah.
The animators are fucked.
A lot of them already, I mean, have already outsourced it to India or China or a lot of these places.
I mean, it's very, you know, I talk to a lot of people that are very bullish on like India and, you know, especially I hire a lot of people from outside of North America.
And you're just like, why wouldn't you?
It's kind of interesting.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, the problem with this kind of thing is like, what are those people going to do if their jobs all go away?
Like, if you, I mean, how many animators are going to be out of work like that with AI?
And how many illustrators?
Like, if anybody wants to do an advertisement for something, you could use AI and they could do it so quickly.
You could have it do it in a very specific style.
You could put in what you wanted to say.
It'd give you multiple versions of it.
Yeah.
It's so good, man. And, like, like what happens all those people that are graphic artists like what happens all those people that are illustrators what happens all these people that are animators
like what happens and that's just one industry like this was something that andrew yang talked
about quite a while ago and he talked about it with automation yeah you know and that we're
going to have ai and automation and jobs are all going to yeah you know and that we're gonna have ai and automation
and jobs are all going to be taken over by computers we're going to have a lot of people
that are out of work and so his solution or one of the solutions was universal basic income
but i think that that's a that's a real possibility now in our lifetime that
giant swaths of the population will be no longer useful because they were
truck drivers.
And now every truck's electric and automated.
They were,
uh,
they worked in a,
of assembly line.
Now every assembly line is completely automated.
It goes,
it goes back and forth with me because like we also,
I can think of 80 jobs,
including ones I have that didn't exist,
you know,
seven years ago.
Right.
So it's like, I mean, I've been laughing like there's a guy on tick-tock that he just
jiggles his belly he's a Turkish guy he has 80 million followers and he's now
he's like he literally can go to a restaurant in that restaurants like the
number one right he just does a video jiggle in his belly and you go that
wasn't a job eight years ago so there's a lot of seen that guy this guy rules
it's hilarious so see we can find him Jamie you know I mean I've seen that guy this guy rules it's hilarious see if we can find him Jamie
you know I mean
crypto trader wasn't a job
for a lot of people 8 years ago
I don't think it's a job anymore
I think it went away
oh yeah I have seen that guy
this guy rules right
that wasn't a job before
but Andrew Yang I think he's right in the sense
that you go,
this has happened before and there'll be new jobs,
but you go, and with how much pain?
How many guys? If you're 50 years old and you're a trucker,
would you be getting a new job as a belly jiggler?
I don't know.
How many guys have been good at jiggling their belly
but never really pursued it and now they're so pissed?
Like, fuck, I was the man.
At college.
Back in college, I was that guy.
I was the belly jiggler guy.
I just didn't know to stick with it.
There's something about watching someone who looks like they're having a good time.
Live your dream.
Yeah.
Something about watching someone who looks like they're having a good time makes you
have a good time.
Sure.
You know?
I mean, 100%.
Yeah.
And I always think of like,
just like,
like even,
you know,
like Jackass,
all the like smashing skateboards
on heads and stuff like that.
Yes.
Every town had nine guys
that smashed a skateboard on a head.
Yeah.
They didn't get to be Jackass though.
I know.
If you think about all the guys
that got together
and did all those stunts,
we all know a guy like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody somewhere
knows the guy
that would jump off the roof.
For sure. into the snow
bank.
Fucking maniacs, man.
But that's the thing about boys, too. When boys get
together when they're young, they would try to push
each other to who could do the wilder shit.
I loved it, yeah. That's how they learned how to do
flips with BMX bikes and shit.
Of course. Fuck, dude.
That is a hard way to get hurt.
The one guy that had to jump off the highest thing.
Bro, doing a flip on a bike, like, that is so next level crazy.
You're going on a ramp in a bicycle and going over the top.
Of course.
Jesus!
What happens if you land wrong?
And you're going to land wrong the first time.
The bike one's the toughest.
Bro, those guys are nuts.
Yeah, and then they kind of,
you know, combined that
with like fun dude culture.
Yeah.
Actually, I did,
you've had Steve on here a bunch, right?
Steve-o?
Yeah, I love Steve-o.
I actually, when I was like
first starting,
because I was doing like wild,
not like stunts,
like getting kicked out of malls
and all that kind of,
you know, we were doing
all these like wild, crazy videos.
And he like was in one of my TV shows
and he like brought me on some dates
when I was like two years into comedy.
Right.
And he shows up and he was like, OK, for before I come up, he was like, OK, I'm going to blow fire off your head.
So he's like, well, put this stuff on your head and I'll blow fire.
And I was like, I'm more of like a getting kicked out of malls type crazy.
I don't know if I do all this stuff.
And then he was like, no, it's fine.
It's fine.
And then he goes, he was like, OK, what do we need?
We need like some fluid or whatever.
He's like, can you go to the CVS and grab some fluid and i'm like well you don't have like a kit or
anything and he just like jimmy rigged like some stuff together and then put it on my head and then
blows this like enormous flame and he just like does this and he's like this is the kind of crazy
stuff that they like and with a guy that's never done this in his life. Jesus. It's funny how many things become
popular and why.
How about the Catch Me Outside girl?
Isn't that wild?
One episode of Dr. Phil
and now she's rich as fuck.
Now she's living in a mansion. She's balling
out of control. I know.
So I like it. I mean, I love it.
Isn't that wild though? How does that happen?
How do those island boys get famous?
Jamie made an audible noise over there.
Jamie, you don't like the island boys?
Come on, they're great.
Don't be hating.
It's the question to the answer, just like, how does something like that become famous?
Right, sure.
No, but no one knows, right?
That's the thing.
Yeah, at any point in time, something can break through, like the fat jiggle guy.
Fat jiggle guy.
And then they become huge.
Or the guy, remember with the guy with the cranberry juice on the skateboard?
Wait, what?
Yeah.
No, I don't know this.
Yeah, Fleetwood Mac.
He was listening to Fleetwood Mac.
And he just has cranberry juice.
And he was drinking cranberry juice on a skateboard, and it became like the most viral video.
You don't know it?
Yeah.
Okay, watch this.
Look at this dude.
Look at him.
Just a big old jug of cranberry juice and he's skateboarding.
Yeah, why does this not have three V's?
Because this.
Okay.
Because he smiled at the end.
But it's also because he's having a good time.
Yeah, what a badass.
Ryan, everybody wants to have a good time.
Yeah.
That looks like a great fucking time.
That looks like a time you're going to think about long after it's gone.
Yeah.
Just cruising on a skateboard, drinking some fucking cranberry juice.
The good times.
Singing along to Fleetwood Mac.
Yeah, it's a warm day.
Feel good. Sun's a warm day feel good
sun's out
you feel good
there is those moments
where you're just like
man
things are so stressful
remember I just
remember back in the day
I used to have a skateboard
and cranberry juice
yeah
that was the time
getting popular
I wonder
you know what's funny to think
is like what's that guy up to
like is he still
I think he's still doing really well
he's got
like we talked about it once he's got an Instagram that guy up to? I think he's still doing really well. We talked about it once. He's got an Instagram
that blew up.
So that's the good thing now
is nowadays people kind of blow up off their
little thing and then it keeps going.
So he's got 7 million
followers. Oh, Bad Baby
has 16 million on Instagram.
Look at her in front of her Bentley.
Come on, man. That shit's hilarious.
She killed it.
She won.
She won.
Doesn't make sense.
Doesn't have to.
All she had to do was say, catch me outside.
How about that?
And everybody was like, we love her.
It kind of does.
Did you ever see there was an old sketch where one guy got famous for making, I think it
was Aziz Ansari.
It was like a human giant years ago. And it was like one guy was there because he got famous for making, I think it was Aziz Ansari, and it was like Human Giant years ago.
And it was like one guy was there
because he got famous for doing funny faces
and the other guy got famous for cutting his dick off.
Oh my God.
It was just like,
the one guy's like,
yeah, every day is hell.
And the other guy's like,
yeah, I just kind of went like this
and now I'm a millionaire, you know?
But it's like,
some of it is that with comedy.
And even like I live in New York,
like all the, you know,
the New York drill rappers, like drill rapper in new york like all the you know the new york drill rappers like
drill rapper so they're like these rappers and they're all like very popular but they
were all you know comedians like kind of say wild stuff and everyone's trying to cancel them and it's
like it's there's like this you know there's an ecosystem of you know you want to say kind of
be on the edge and then whatever right like drill rappers more like, you got to rap about murdering guys.
Then you actually have to murder guys.
Oh Jesus.
And they're like,
they're like Buzzfeed trying to ruin your career
and get you fired is like the,
the New York state prosecutor
trying to put you in jail for life.
Jesus Christ.
And all their lyrics are about killing.
And it's always like the next hood over.
It's like, I killed like, you know,
John and the projects like three blocks over yesterday.
And it's like,
so they're fighting over
whether the lyrics can be,
you know,
used in court right now.
That's a big like topic
in New York.
But like,
it's funny,
like they,
if you want to be in that game,
you have to like talk
about murdering people.
And then if you want to talk
about murdering people,
you actually have to kind of do it
or else you're like a phony.
And then,
yeah,
it's like just so,
so crazy.
And then the lyrics give you up. Yeah. Oh my God. They're trying to make it's like just so so crazy and then the lyrics give you up yeah oh my god
they're trying to make it that's so stressful so when you that guy i'm sure there's some of
those guys that are sitting in their cell being like probably could have been the belly jiggling
guy that could have been me man jesus christ i got into drill rapping instead why just like
there was just that i could have been the guy in the skateboard drinking cranberry juice in the sun.
No.
Instead.
There's just so many different ways that people break through and become famous today.
So it's really interesting.
You know, like there's no gatekeeper anymore for any of this shit.
Yeah, I love it.
TikTok stars and YouTube stars. There's zero gatekeeper. for any of this shit. Yeah, I love it. Just look at TikTok stars and YouTube stars.
There's zero gatekeeper.
And that's a new thing.
It's a new thing.
There's a guy like a Mr. Beast out there that has arguably the biggest show in the world.
Yeah.
Just this guy who comes up with his own game show and donates all this money and gets people's eyes fixed.
And he's genuinely like a really nice guy.
And he just does whatever he wants to do.
Like that's a new thing, man, that before he wouldn't have existed that he wouldn't have
been that guy because there was part of the charm of mr beast was like watching the fact that he's
just being himself and he's hanging out with his friends and he's doing this and he's not being
really directed he's not being produced there's no executives leaning into his ear telling him what to do.
He's literally just doing whatever he wants to do,
and they're all having fun.
That's a new fucking thing, man.
This is a new thing.
So it's a new thing with musicians.
It's a new thing with comedians.
It's a new thing with everybody.
Yeah.
It's wild.
It's a crazy time.
The gatekeepers are done.
Like, they don't exist anymore.
Now it's just everything that's good sort of fucking makes it out there into the ether.
And everybody sort of moves it around and shares it.
There was sort of like specks of it in the past, you know?
Like I always think of, even if you think of what you're describing,
because a lot of the times the industry is afraid of what's good right now,
so they miss it.
You know, obviously you would be an example of that.
So then when they catch it afterwards,
like it's already fully blown,
right?
The people get it way before they do.
Way before.
Because they want to believe that they're experts,
you know?
And I,
a lot of that goes on trends,
right?
Like there's a lot of like,
I remember some comedians that people bypassed because they didn't think that
they had what it took.
They didn't see it, whatever it was.
Like, I remember a lot of, there were some people that thought that way about Theo Vaughn
and I was like, you're out of your fucking mind.
You're missing it.
You're missing it.
And once you, you're, you're going to miss it to the point where it's going to be too
late.
And you're going to have to drop a, just a bag of cash out if you want to get back in
the game.
But it's that thing where they don't, they don't do it.
So they don't see it. Whereas if you do it, like there's things that I just don't do it, so they don't see it.
Whereas if you do it, like there's things that I just don't,
like I don't understand what someone's doing when they're playing guitar.
I can't play guitar at all.
So like you could trick me, and you could be playing fake guitar,
and it sounds amazing, but it's you just moving your fingers.
I'm like, wow, that guy's amazing.
Like I'm not sophisticated in that regard.
But some people you can't trick, you know.
Some people know what you're doing.
And some people know, and you get that with comedy.
You get that with music.
You get that with everything.
When someone just does something that sort of syncs up with your brain,
and you realize, like, what they're doing is really interesting and extraordinary.
There's, like, something about that that's,'s like one of the most special things with people when you watch someone perform or you watch
someone make something or you watch someone pull something together like
wow yeah this is a moment yeah that's a moment man that's exciting yeah and I
think that they always come back eventually I mean and a lot of times
even at the time there's a few I mean, maybe not in that specific case,
but I'm sure like in most, a ton of comedians where they go, I know that guy's funny, I just can't touch it.
You know what I mean?
And then the rap thing would be like that.
Like how many rap billionaires are there?
Because at the time, like radio stations were kind of like, ah, we're rock and roll.
I don't know about this rap thing.
And you go, they missed it to the point where now they all got like rich.
Dude, Cypress Hill.
Can't get on board with it.
Cypress Hill.
I had B-Real here the other day.
He was talking about it.
They missed him.
They didn't see it.
Those record executives had this idea of what rap sounded like in their head,
and Cypress Hill was so unique that they didn't see it.
And then, boom, they were a hit right out of the gate.
And they're like, fuck!
They just missed it
that happens with comics that happens with
it's just it's hard if you don't
do it if you do it like you do
comedy so if you see someone who's doing really well
you see like Shane Gillis killing you're like
oh wow that's good
you see these little like things yeah but
if you don't do it you just
laugh or don't laugh
or everybody tells you it's good so so you have to go along with it.
There's a little bit of that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right?
It's hard.
It's hard to judge it right.
Everyone seems to love this guy.
Bro, there was a few people I remember back in the day where people were convinced that they were going to be successful.
I was like, what are you saying?
Are you crazy?
Like, this is all just tricks and, like, memorizing a bunch of words in a row.
Oh, the long.
That was an 80s thing, right?
The, like, the long monologue with the applause break.
Oh my God.
I was like, what are you seeing?
That was the most pretentious move in comedy.
It was a weird move.
Because it's not like you can't do that every now and then.
Every move has a place.
You can have a bit with that as an element.
Yes.
But you can't have all your bits like that.
That's just too crazy.
And there was a few guys that had just like duped some people.
They just duped and they weren't really doing the work.
They were just like doing the little tricks.
I have like, I've like worked with a lot of editors because, you know,
like so much of what I do is make scripts and stuff.
And one of the big things I'm always like talking to editors about is that
like with the tricks, you're like, let's say something silly is like, you know, if someone, if you put sad music over someone talking, that's kind of funny sometimes, you know what I mean?
And you're like, okay, that's one thing.
So use that one of every 30 times.
You know what I mean?
Right.
You'd be like with a comic, you'd be like, yeah, that's one of 80 tricks you should have.
And like, use them if you need to, like if you're sinking or you know what I mean?
And I think that, yeah, but like the three tricks, that's not enough tricks.
That's just not enough tricks.
You need some more tricks.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's like comics generally can see when someone's going to be a good comic.
That's why Kill Tony's such a good show.
Comics can generally recognize when someone has potential.
You can see they have that.
There's a little something there.
Yeah.
It's hard for agents to see that spark.
I don't think they see it as quickly as we see it.
I think some of them are really good fans of comedy
and they kind of get it.
Maybe they have like an inkling towards it.
But unless you've actually done it,
I don't know.
I don't know how much you really see.
They're not,
they're like,
they're tuned into the second layer of culture.
And this is why like
comedians i feel like every so when you're you know every night you're doing an audience you
know what normal people think right people argue on the internet but you're there you know what
like a room full of people with different like if i say this like do normal people feel that like
covid lockdowns were too much or do normal people kind of not care? Like what is, you know, what is a room full of normal people think?
And then, so I think you kind of, you're really like tapped in on like the cultural level
and then you kind of, you can tap in on what a comedian you go, oh, I see that comedian's
like, he's digging right now and he's on like a, he's got, you know, and what's like the
money collector and you're like, oh, that guy's on a pot of silver right now.
You know, he's, so I think you're tapped in because you're, you know what he's looking for and you can see when that guy's on a pot of silver right now you know he's so i think you're
tapped in because you're you know what he's looking for and you can see when someone else found it
yeah there's that and there's um i guess you know you just see that someone's putting together
something that's you know if you don't do comedy don't understand like how jokes are really
structured like how what what's the best way to get to the premise like what's an
elegant path there's things like you might not be seeing great way to yeah like you know when
someone will be an open mic or like a kill tony set and they'll have an elegant path to a premise
like oh like i like the way this person thinks yeah like you're thinking in an interesting way
it's a fun way and it's very clever and And the bit was not bad. Like, ha,
that pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. And you could tell them afterwards, like,
Hey man, you got something. Something's there. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to,
you don't need more than that, but yeah. Yeah. I don't know if agents will pick that up or
executives will pick that up. Executives are like the last to pick it up. They're the worst
at picking it up. They've always got like notes and i remember i was in a terrible movie once and this kid who was the star of the movie this executive from disney who had uh he
had i think he was from disney he had suspenders on and cuff links and like a fifty thousand dollar
watch on and he's doing like act outs to this guy and telling this guy how to do the scene. Oh, okay. There you go. It is.
And it was terrible.
And I was watching.
What are you doing?
Oh, my God.
So because this guy who is this young guy who is the star of the movie, he wasn't famous yet.
So they could just tell him what to do.
Sure.
So he was really funny.
But they would get in like, no, I want you to walk in the room.
I'm like, what is happening? And this guy like acts it out and like, in like no. I want you to walk in the room. I'm like what is happening?
And the guy like acts it out and like oh no
And I'm and I'm sitting there like going this is gonna be a disaster
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's gonna be a disaster. Yeah, I've seen this a million times
Yeah, I know how this ends and exactly it was correct. They ruined the whole thing that you know
It is a thing that happens though.. They think of it like the computers.
That's what they think of it like.
If you get people that are in that position to dictate whether or not art gets made or not,
they start getting this very self-righteous, very, you know, like, I understand culture.
I understand.
Especially at a hit.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I mean, how do you think Harvey Weinstein got to where he was at?
He was putting out banger after banger. You ought to put out bangers. Yeah. Oh, my God. I mean, how do you think Harvey Weinstein got to where he was at?
He was putting out banger after banger. You ought to put out bangers.
He was putting out banger after banger while being a super creep.
That operation definitely doesn't work as good when you're like, meet me in the hotel room.
She's like, four people saw your last movie.
Exactly.
Well, I mean, I don't know what he was promising them, right?
Like, he was promising them and supposedly delivering to some of them.
That was a part of what he was doing.
But the movies, they were so goddamn good that even though people knew he was a fucking creep, they still wanted to work with him.
What were some of his biggest bangers?
Pulp Fiction.
Pulp Fiction.
Dude.
I mean, he did all the Tarantino movies
Right except
Did he do the last one
Did he do Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Dude he did
He's done so many fucking movies
There is also that executive level at his level
Where you're like you're not that involved
In the movie by at some point
Who knows what it looks like before
But those people that have the power to decide
Whether something gets made or not made
or someone gets cast or not cast.
Just the ego that comes with that.
And if you keep making banger after banger
and you're probably doing,
Bo!
Yeah.
You're getting fucking crazy.
The party.
You got a stint in your heart
and you're fucking grinding your teeth
and you're at Hollywood parties.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
That is the old
that's Hollywood forever and ever
it's been Hollywood forever right when you think about
Hollywood you think of the casting couch
like people think about these parties
and blow yeah parties and blow
and people are banging each other and
having parties in the
hills they're just degenerates and they were
making the films that kept
the moral compass of the
nation, which is really kind of wild. Yeah, like
lawyers covering up dead bodies, like, you know?
No, it is like, I remember
when there's like
one of the big, like, gatekeeper
guys in Canada when I started
in comedy. I was like, I signed with one of the
things and he goes, hey, when you start like people don't really know who you are that much he goes
I think your set would be better if he goes say you're like a mix of one thing and another thing
and he told me that I was like yeah I know that's available to do oh my god like he told me that
like I like wasn't aware that I could say like I know what you're thinking I'm a cross between oh my god I'm a cross between you know
it's a fucking
I don't know
is that Galvin
whatever right but
like so yeah they think that and you're like
in his mind he was actually telling me like a hot
you know take
it's always weird when you see the guy who's like the
frustrated host
who's like not that good who is giving open micers shit advice.
The worst advice you could possibly get is from that guy.
Oh, no.
Like I see that coming.
I remember getting advice from a guy like that.
There's people that just wanted to give you advice because they didn't like the path that you were on.
Or they were telling – this one guy was telling me that what I was doing was like, I was getting cheaper laughs because I was swearing.
The work clean guy.
The work clean guy.
I had to figure out how to say my jokes without a swear.
And he had an example that he did.
He said, I used to tell it like this with a swear.
And he goes, but now I say it like this.
I go, you should go back and do it the first way.
It makes more sense. Who talks without swears? Ever. So I like this. I go, you should go back and do it the first way. It makes more sense.
Who talks without swears?
Ever.
So I was saying, I go, the guys that I like, they're always, they swore.
Yeah, sometimes you can overdo it.
I like Dice Clay and Sam Kinison and Richard Pryor.
He's like, well, you're not Dice Clay.
And I'm like, oh my God, dude.
Like, you're not listening to me.
Yeah, I'm just starting.
There's like a type of art form that I like.
Yeah, there's a genre.
And that's what I want to practice.
I actually once,
that reminds me so much of one time,
I think it was like Seinfeld and Marin or something.
They were having this argument about,
he was saying like,
you know,
the funny is funny and that's that.
And I think the other,
Marin, one of them was saying was like,
well, no,
there's types of funny and some is better.
And it was just like,
you guys are talking about, it was like literally two guys saying like, well,
jazz is better. And another guy's being like, well, metal's better. And like, it was just like,
yeah, there's two different genres. If you're talking about like airplane stuff, yes, obviously
like one laugh might not be that better than the other. But if you're talking about certain things,
like, yeah, the observation that hasn't been said 50 times is obviously like a better laugh.
And so sometimes people are just arguing like what the different genres are like you're saying
You're like I like this type of comedy and he was like that type of comedy is bad clean comedy is the way to do
It yeah, but he just wasn't successful and he was worried that other people were correct
Which is a thing that people do when they're like struggling and they see like promising open micers
This is what I'm sorry. Yeah,'s what I was, that was my example.
He didn't like that.
He didn't like that I killed.
He didn't like that I killed
and I was dirty
and he wanted to have a talk to me afterwards.
Thoughts.
Yeah.
Cause he wasn't doing well.
He was like barely getting by
like as a professional,
but he was a working professional
and he wanted other people
to follow his path.
But for someone to say that
like one comedy is better
than another kind of comedy,
it's just like saying music. oh jazz is better than rock like
okay whatever yeah yeah you like this is nonsense like the argument is so stupid
that I don't entertain what I don't like so I don't ever say like this kind of
comedy is better than that kind of comedy I just say I like this better
this is what I enjoy more but I like that kind of stuff like especially
depends your mood do to clean and dirty.
And it depends on your mood too sometimes.
Clean and dirty is so stupid because like Gaffigan's one of the funniest guys alive.
Of course.
And so is Brian Regan. Clean as a whistle. Nate Bargatze. Clean.
Yeah. It's a different thing.
Clean and fucking hilarious. It doesn't matter.
What type of guy are you? I mean, the best one for you is probably what's the truest to your actual personality.
Yeah, if you're going to do comedy.
Yeah.
You should.
And some guys, they don't like, they don't swear a lot.
They're just like subtly noticing things.
That's hilarious.
I heard everybody's got a different thing.
You know, I heard a guy talking about kind of like 2000, maybe like 16, 17.
I remember like, or whenever like Jordan Peterson was kind of coming on the scene and he was
like, I really don't like that guy.
And he was like, and I was like, what do you think of this guy?
And he was like, I hate this guy. And I was like, what do you think of this guy? And he was like, I hate this guy.
And I was like, what about like Sam Harris or these guys?
He's like, I hate that guy.
And he's like, I was like, listen up every like public intellectual guy.
I was like, you know, what about like Tim Ferriss?
He's like, I don't like him.
And I was like, okay, so you just don't like guys that talk.
It was like, so if you don't like the genre of metal, I don't care what bands you're into.
You know what I mean?
If you don't like all of those people, maybe it's you.
Yeah.
Maybe you're just like.
Maybe you don't like yourself either. maybe if you liked yourself you would like
those people and on top of that maybe you just don't like yeah there was there's things that
all those people say that i agree with and disagree with but to say that they don't totally
yeah not interesting that's so stupid but there's a lot of people out there that are just wholesale
negative they're just wholesale negative.
They're just wholesale negative about everything.
And they think somehow or another that makes them deep.
And it doesn't.
It just makes you a cunt.
You're just a cunt.
You're just a cunty man who is out there spreading about a bunch of negativity about things constantly and consistently.
And not doing anything that anybody finds really interesting enough to your needs it's hard to find that one quote who the fuck made that quote that um that all be back
no no hold on a second all criticism comes from a tragic result of unmet needs. That's the quote.
Which is a great quote.
There's a lot to it.
Yeah, the tragic result of unmet needs.
That, like, you wish you had more than you do.
Yeah.
So you get mad at people that are doing better than you.
Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need.
Marshall Rosenberg.
Are your old beliefs preventing you from getting your current needs met?
Oh, boy.
That sounds like if I click on that link, they're going to get my credit card.
Are your needs met?
Are you getting your needs met?
But that's a lot of what negative people are.
They're just not doing well.
That's why they're so negative about everything.
You can enjoy things and not enjoy things,
but to be, like, really upset about something that's like,
does Green Day make you that mad?
You're like, what is it?
They're not my favorite either.
What is it?
What is it that makes you murderous about Green Day?
Can you just avoid them and listen to something you do like?
You know what I'm saying?
Like, there's that
fucking dude that just like hates something so much you're like i think you hate yourself as
much as you hate that other thing because you can be cynical and still positive and i think that
that's like the mix defined right where you're like you know your buddy that's like hyped up
about life he's positive about the future you know you're like oh that's good but you can be like
what's going on you don't have to just be like exactly
everyone's lying everyone sucks but you can still be positive and I think that's
the balance of probably the right balance to strike yeah that's the right
balance to strike it's more fun balances but it's hard to navigate and it's on
the internet it's so like to be you're rewarded for being just like a fucking idiot
like yeah just being like, this guy stinks.
Like, the Green Day stinks?
Like, that guy could have like a YouTube page now about how Green Day stinks.
Yes.
Engaging with people in that way all day long, like in a negative way and complaining about stuff is so commonplace, but so stupid.
It's such a giant waste of your energy.
It's like you're playing a dumb video game.
It's like you're playing some dumb
social video game and you're complaining about
stuff. And there's no fighting with each other
about stuff. Yeah, that's why even
dudes that are kind of like,
in comedy scenes, a lot of times they'll be like,
oh, they only want women, blah, blah, blah. And it was like, yeah, leave.
At some point,
it's on you to sort of
take it into your own hands and start
your own thing and you know like there's probably no sadder person right now than the person that's
like the dude i don't know what you just said they only want women what do you mean so let's
say that you were on like a like a festival right and you're like hey we're gonna have 10 comics or
whatever most of the dudes in the scene are like men or whatever and then they go you know what
we're like this show we're really looking for women i've been on a million conversations for
about tv and stuff like we're not looking for.
And then, yeah, for a second you might be like, but at some point you're like, OK, so, you know, there's a million things you could do.
Like you could always you can you can always win yourself.
There's always like a place for you to do better.
So that's where I'm like, it's better to be positive and to just be like, oh, the world's against me.
You know?
Yeah.
Well, I think you can point it out and still be positive.
People like to dwell on negative shit.
That's why they do it.
And they also think that, like, there's certain things that are going to be big milestones,
like if they get into a festival.
It's going to propel them to the next stage.
And that's what they really want.
They really want to be propelled to the next stage.
But really, all I think anybody who's doing anything should be focusing on is whatever the fuck you're doing, try to do it the best you can.
And that's what you can control.
You can't control festivals.
You can't control all that other shit.
No.
You can't control whether or not you kill.
So if you're going up all the time and your set keeps getting better and you're fucking murdering it, that's great.
Yeah.
That's great.
Concentrate on that.
And then just be undeniable.
Get to a point where you don't have to think about it anymore.
And then before you know it, they'll be asking you to do stuff before you know it it's not doesn't take
that long and then you're in a completely different situation and then just keep going and you won't
even care at that point just keep going and some guys keep going and some guys don't some people
fall apart yeah the effects you know i feel like sometimes when you you just keep going, there's like little things I feel like.
One thing that I feel like you would, it's interesting that you don't even probably know,
but in Toronto, the main comedy club, the corner comedy club that we would do every night.
Yuck Yucks?
Yuck Yucks is like the big chain.
One of the ones that we would do a lot was the corner comedy club.
So we did both.
Oh, the corner comedy club.
Yeah, and do you remember you used to come to the underground and it was like the weed scene?
Yeah, that was fun.
And you would do that.
So this guy, Joe, who we used to do all this comedy club, he met someone through the Death
Squad message boards.
Oh.
And that guy, they, I think, went to one of your shows or whatever.
They were like hanging out.
They toured together.
That guy said he was like, I want to start a comedy club.
The guy's like, I got money.
I'll fund it.
So through, randomly through like one of your message boards, guys met, guy funded another guy, made a comedy club. The guy's like, I got money. I'll fund it. So randomly through one of your message boards,
guys met, guy funded another guy,
made a comedy club.
Now there was two of them,
and it's one of the main comedy clubs
that a lot of people have become popular
through that one little club.
Oh, that's amazing.
And you wouldn't even know that.
You know what I mean?
No, I wouldn't know that.
That's amazing, though.
That's cool.
Isn't that cool?
Yeah, that is cool.
Yeah, having comedy communities, man,
is the fucking shit.
It's so fun. It's so fun.
It's so important.
When you don't have a good community, it's so hard to enjoy it.
Yeah.
You know, like part of like the fun of doing comedy is hanging out with comics.
It's like a giant part of it.
Like these shows that we do at the Vulcan.
So cool.
Shows that we'll do in town when my club opens up.
It's like we're just having fun.
We're all having fun together.
You know what's funny every
every little comedy scene when you're starting has the same like 10 characters you know i mean
there's like one guy that used to be in jail play yeah like it kind of is just like one guy that
used to be in jail like a guy who's a rodeo guy retired yeah yeah it's all the characters like
one guy that doesn't speak english that well, a dentist. Everybody's got a dentist. Right, right, right.
So it is funny.
One guy with a handicap.
Yeah.
The scenes that, you know, I think is, you know, like people, like comedians,
I'll get in trouble a little bit for the shit they say.
It always makes me laugh if you ever had to say that in a movie.
Like imagine explaining movies from scratch.
I know.
Right.
Or in pretending that these scenes in movies where you do something horrible, you're actually
doing that.
Yeah.
And you actually think that way.
I know.
I mean, think about some of the violence that we'll watch in films, like in Once Upon a
Time in Hollywood, when Brad Pitt kills this woman with smashing her face into a fireplace.
Yeah.
Remember that?
Of course.
Yeah.
That is a great movie.
That's how he did it, right?
I'm not imagining that. remember thinking like what and I remember thinking only Quentin Tarantino can get away with this because he's kind of
Grandfathered in yeah doing this kind of like insane uber violence and have you know?
Brad Pitt's character doing that to a woman like what the fuck he did happen, right? He does a lot
And he gets away with the most and then imagine you were like, you know, the way that comedy sort of, you defend it.
Imagine like a alien came down and you're explaining what movies are and you're like,
hey, so we auditioned 10 guys and then we get them to rape a girl and people watch this before they go to sleep.
You're just like, what?
You know, it seems like even crazier, you know?
It seems completely crazy.
All of it seems crazy.
It seems crazy that violence is no problem at all in a movie.
But sex, like we can't see graphic sex in a movie.
Like we separate graphic sex from graphic violence.
Yeah.
You can have graphic violence in a regular movie.
So you can have a regular movie that's really interesting and fascinating,
and then it becomes graphically violent, and nobody has a problem with that.
But if you have a regular movie that becomes graphically sexual,
like people will get weirded out.
Not quite the fireplace, I guess.
It's the telephone on the wall.
Oh, it's the telephone on the wall.
That's right.
It might come down.
Oh, then her face on the wall smashes the window,
and then there's the fireplace.
Yeah.
Bro, that is so wild.
That is so wild. That is so wild.
Whew.
So imagine writing that
and saying something like that on stage.
People will go,
what the fuck is wrong with you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't mean this.
This is just like a piece of art that I've created.
I've created this fake scenario.
Yeah.
I don't think it's real.
And there's sometimes you kind of do mean it
and sometimes you kind of don't.
Yeah, sometimes I kind of don't.
There's a little dance we're doing. It's a dance you're doing it's nuanced. Yeah jokes. Yeah, it's called doing stand-up
and that's it's the last bastion of
mockery of a thing that you can't criticize so like when people get upset that people are telling trans jokes
I'm like you have to
Yes, you have to. Yes, especially now.
You have to.
You have to.
And if you're going to get mad
at the way Dave Chappelle phrased it,
that's really what's bothering you?
Sure.
His version of it,
which is basically a love letter
to his friend who committed suicide,
who is trans,
who supported him
and got bullied online about it.
That's what the story's about
when he's telling it.
Yeah.
You find that transphobic?
Like, this is crazy.
Yeah, and especially in a place where you're like,
if you are doing any sort of, you know, comedy
that you want to talk about the stuff,
you know, you want to talk about everything,
and they go, hey, there's this one thing
you're going to be in big trouble if you don't talk,
if you talk about it, and then you don't,
like, all right, well, ha, like that, there's no way that's
good cultural commentary.
You go all, all void.
That's the guy that works for, you know, the government.
And he was like, don't talk about the Pfizer thing though.
You know, it's like, I don't like talking about things that are controversial because
I don't want people to feel bad, Ryan.
Yeah.
And it doesn't even have to be a crazy take where you go to not talk about it.
There's certain things that you like, you're not allowed to bring up anymore. And it's, even have to be a crazy take for you to not talk about it. There's certain things that you're not allowed to bring up anymore.
And it's very odd.
And I think that if we go further and further down that line,
you're going to run out of things that you're not allowed to say.
I think normal people.
We're in the process of making things that were just like mutually accepted just a few years ago.
We'd be completely hostile to say today.
It's so funny though.
At a certain point in time, like, come on guys.
It did make comedy rule though, like right now
it's so funny. I don't know, I do
find that, like in my opinion
2016, 15, 16
like day Trump, you know, elected kind of thing
that was the peak of where things were getting real wild
felt like it was kind of calming down a little bit
COVID it went back to there
I remember going from feeling like saying stuff and people being like finally someone said
it to kind of feeling like people were like yeah we think that yeah and i could just instead of
talking about like relationships in the context of now i just talking about relationships you know
and i feel like it's a feeling like that i don't know very many guys men especially i don't know
very many that are not like that would be like hey come on don't say that many guys, men especially, I don't know very many that are not like,
that would be like, hey, come on, don't say that.
Like, I feel like that kind of guy is a bit of a dying breed.
The don't say that guy?
Yeah, I feel like the audiences have turned, when someone comes up and they start being
like, well, anyways, I was talking to someone that was fat phobic.
I feel like you can feel the audience be like, oh, God.
If someone woke attached to comedy is a real problem because you've handicapped your comedy.
You've put your comedy in like you're only allowed to hit certain RPMs.
You're going to have to be offensive to hit some other RPMs.
Do you think the right's going to be the more offended moving forward?
No, I think people are going to become more rational about subscribing to very specific ideologies.
There's things that you should agree with on both sides.
There's things that are uncomfortable truths that are being uttered by both sides.
You know, whether it's truths about economic inequality or there's truths about jobs availability,
whether it's truth about crime and guns and voting and all this
truth on both sides. The real problem is ideologies. It's like we're so fucking tribal
that we want to be all this or all that. We either want to be all red or all blue. And people just
adopt these ideas and opinions based on that group because it's convenient and it saves them from criticism in their community.
And it's a natural thing that people do.
So they'll say things that don't make any fucking sense.
And they'll say it because they think this is the thing that you have to say in order to be in the group.
And you have to do what the group is telling you to do.
And you have to take whatever medications this group is telling you to take.
Believe in whatever international conflicts are necessary
Yeah, you have to be all in here's what you're mad about abroad
Yeah, you have to be all in you have to be you know
It has to be life begins at the moment of conception and you're on the other side
It has to be everybody should have a gun all the time
This lizard people in a pizza place, they're eating babies.
You know, it's QAnon, it's like all of it.
And so everybody feels disconnected.
It's like, my God, I don't want to be on the far right and I don't want to be on the far
left.
Yeah, who does?
There's got to be some sort of a rational alternative to the base realities of the world
we live in and making it better than it is now. Because the way it is now is kind of cockeyed and fucked up and
there's you know giant corporations that are extracting a shitload of money and
they're spreading their influence and spreading a narrative that's not
necessarily good for all of us but it's really good for making a lot of money
maybe we should talk about that we should look at it and go, hey, guys, slow down.
Take it easy.
Take it easy.
Our whole culture is being dominated by this desire to make more and more money.
It's weird.
It's weird.
And I think it's only until mind reading comes along.
And when mind reading comes along, the jig is up.
The jig is up.
It's up for everybody. Once mind reading comes along, we're up the jig is up for everybody once mind reading comes along we're gonna have a completely different
understanding of each other that's in our lifetime that's you know whatever
the fuck it is that 25 years that stinks and because you're right though what
people think about on the left and right it's it comes down to like here here's
your four things yeah here's your things you know what kind of reminds me of like
if you think of like a hospital and like an army hospital
and you have like 20,000 beds
and then there's like 10 right-wing doctors
and 10 right-wing left-wing doctors
and they're like,
they're all paying attention to these three
and then the left-wing doctors
are all paying attention to these three
and then there's all these other ones
and everyone's like,
hey, don't worry about those people over there.
And you go,
there's lots of stuff going on.
I didn't even know there were left-wing doctors
versus right-wing doctors.
I never thought about it. I never thought about it.
I never thought about it once.
I always just thought that was the doctor.
Just a doctor.
I didn't give a fuck what political affiliation my doctor was.
If he's a good orthopedic surgeon, really good at repairing knees, I don't want to say.
Don't care what this guy thinks about pizza again.
I think maybe Biden is inventing words.
I don't want to say that to him.
I don't know what he thinks. I don't want to know. I want to know how good guy thinks about pizza again. I think maybe Biden is inventing words. I don't want to say that to him. I don't know what he thinks.
I don't want to know.
I want to know how good are you at fixing knees.
And you don't want to piss him off either.
So you're like, you're a Trump guy or Biden guy?
He's like, Biden guy.
You're like, the best.
Yeah, let's go.
He's great.
Fix me.
When I'm under, don't take a picture of your dick on my nose.
You're not an alien, are you?
Oh, yeah.
Fucking Biden, huh? Okay, those aren't lizard alien, are you? Oh yeah, fucking Biden, huh?
Okay, those aren't lizard scissors, are they?
Yeah, you have to agree with your doctor
if he's going to cut you open.
Whatever you think, bro.
You go, Hillary's the best, I'm with her.
What do you need?
I bet there's people that probably wouldn't have
worked on people if they thought that person
was a Trump supporter.
1,000%.
Yeah, I guarantee there's someone out there
that made that choice.
That I can't support you.
You're going to have
to go to another doctor.
That guy's a piece of shit.
They're doing,
yeah,
they're like,
mid-surgery,
they see a,
they see like a,
like a mega tattoo
on their shoulder.
What the hell?
Undress the guy
and go dress him back up again.
Wake him up.
Wake him up.
I'm not doing this.
He's got a Trump profile on his ribs.
Like with the crazy hair, like a cartoon profile, the whole side of his body.
There's got to be guys like that.
How many Trump tattoos are there out there?
By the way, I'm living in a glass house with this one.
Is there any real heroes that have like a barren Trump tattoo?
Like for the real Trump heads?
I'm hoping. I'm sure there's people with a barren Trump tattoo for the real Trump heads? I'm hoping.
I'm sure there's people with a barren Trump head.
Is there anyone with an Eric Trump tattoo?
That's out down there.
100%.
There's four or five guys roaming the earth with an Eric Trump tattoo.
Guarantee you.
Just like real.
Right?
Yeah, down for the cause.
Jamie, how many Trump tattoos are there?
I don't even know how to look that up.
Don't be scared to Google Trump tattoo.
No, but I mean like...
Tattoo of Donald Trump.
Yeah, I guess I have the number.
Do you want to see one?
I can show you one.
We can find out how many Eric Trump tattoos there are.
I know, you're probably right.
It's not documented.
But if you Google tattoo of Donald Trump,
I bet there's some bangers.
Don't Google how many tattoos of Trump
are on Ryan Long's body.
How many he got?
Look at this.
There's a bunch of them.
Tramp stamp.
You guys get a Trump tramp stamp?
Trump tramp stamp.
This is Trump with, oh my God, with tribal design.
Look at that.
Look at the one.
Look at that Trump with tribal design.
That shit is hilarious, dude.
Mr. Trump, please come on my lower back, sir.
Why does he have that?
Ooh, look at that one.
Whoa, these are wild.
The blood sign.
The blood sign.
That's crazy, and it's like Mickey Mouse hands.
Is that Kodak Black?
He loves Trump.
Oh, look at this one.
Trump as Captain America.
Look at that one right there with the forehead.
Yeah.
The flag on the forehead.
I wonder if any of these-
The one next to it, Jamie?
If any of these guys hate him now because of the vaccine stuff.
This is a free at that shop.
Oh, free.
They did a free Trump tattoo?
If you get him at the shop.
Yeah.
That looks like you.
Well, I fucking support Mr. Trump.
It's getting real.
No matter what.
In New Hampshire I love this guy
Go back to the one where Trump has the American flag on his forehead
That was the one I wanted to see
In comedy when you talk about Trump it was talking about culture
But when you talk about Biden it's talking about politics
I feel like is there any Biden tattoos
That's the question
100% there's Biden tattoos
Look at that
That's a really good one In terms's Biden tattoos. Look at that. That's a really good one.
In terms of the artwork.
Look at that.
He's got that face.
That's a good face for it.
Okay, now Google tattoos.
Oh, on the forehead.
Wow.
He got his forehead done?
Come on.
Where?
Top, left, down one.
Woo.
That could be Sharpie.
Oh, maybe that's Sharpie.
I don't know.
That looks like Sharpie.
That guy's trolling.
That guy's on Reddit right now laughing.
That guy's on his way to the Capitol to mess stuff up.
What about Biden tattoos?
There's gotta be some.
I bet one guy's got his whole back done.
No.
The kind of guy who did a back Biden tattoo,
his whole back done, and Biden will quit halfway into it.
It's like, right there.
So it's like a halfway done Biden back tattoo.
No one can ever finish them. It's a bunch of pictures of Joe Biden tattoos, so it's not a halfway done Biden back tattoo. No one can ever finish them.
It's a bunch of pictures of Joe Biden tattoos, so it's not giving me real results.
Tattoos of Joe Biden.
I feel like it's going to be like, you know, 65 year old, like CNN lady sort of thing, you know?
That's what I'm thinking.
Upper West Side.
Upper West Side.
Yeah.
On her thigh.
Got anything?
There's one.
That guy right there is doing one.
It's Biden with like boobs.
Steve-O?
He has one?
What is that one that says the ape?
The one that go back?
Right there.
Yeah.
What is that?
That's Biden with a bra on.
Oh, Joe Biden's my daddy?
What?
What is that?
That's disrespectful.
It says funny or die.
That's not real. That's the president? That's disrespectful. It says funny or die. That's not real.
That's the president.
That's disrespectful.
Yeah.
That's just Shia LaBeouf.
Shia LaBeouf?
How do you say his name?
LaBeouf.
That's a wild dude.
No Biden tattoos.
No one got a tattoo of Biden.
That's what I was going to think.
I felt like, it doesn't mean that there aren't people that support him, obviously, but I'm
saying that, I think people were just like, okay, that's fine.
They were happy that he's there.
There are people.
But no one was like, I've never met anyone.
I met people that were like girls that were like all in on Hillary Clinton, where they
were, I'm with her to the max, cried when she lost that kind of thing I don't know a single person that like
considers himself like a Biden head you know what I mean I know what you're saying yeah I don't think
he's the leader of the party that they support I know I don't take him yeah yeah they just didn't
watch Trump kind of just assumes at this point in time that someone is helping him make decisions
Assuming I don't know
All of them probably have people make you helping to make decisions, but the extent to which yeah
Seems like he needs like some assistance
Assistance to he's a put it all together
That being said because if he is that old and they're like he's's not capable of doing anything, there is a part of me that's like, good, don't do anything.
Whenever the government doesn't do anything, that's a good day, probably.
Yeah, but I don't think it ever doesn't do something.
There's so many moving pieces.
No, they got other people that are doing stuff behind the back, probably.
Well, the thing about the way the government runs that's particularly interesting is that you bring in a new guy to try to run it every four years, which is kind of crazy.
It is kind of crazy.
Because every other job, you need a while to figure out how to do it right.
Yeah.
You get cooking.
You start figuring out what's the best way to be more efficient.
I'm really better at this now.
I understand this because I've experienced that before.
It's too bad that people are tyrannical in nature.
Because if you could get a guy who's
just like the CEO of a company who runs that
company like Tim Cook. Tim Cook
synonymous with that or another
person that's synonymous with a number.
They did a really good job at running a company.
You can get that kind of person to be a president.
It would be great. Someone who's
really good at the job and gets better
at it over time and runs it for a long
time, but we don't trust you.
No.
You can't be the president for too long.
It's too tempting to be an evil cunt.
Exactly.
That's the stuff.
There's benefits and costs, right?
If they can't fire you, there's benefits.
That's why you can do great things.
But if you're bad, they can't get rid of you.
So there's more civil unrest.
Have you ever worked for the government?
Have you ever had a job?
I've had a job but never for the government.
I've had a bunch of them, right? Because
in Canada when I was doing CBC stuff for the
government, I've worked for a hockey rink
and then I was like a lacrosse
referee. So I've worked for the government like a bunch of times.
The amount that people
do nothing is the best
gig in the world. Really?
Some construction sites are like this, but with the government,
legitimately I went around and cut grass or whatever when I was in college.
If someone does a smoke break, we used to say anyone from any side of the city.
If someone's on the other side of the city sparks a cigarette,
it's break time for everyone.
Jesus Christ.
It was the best.
So you just fucked off all the time.
No accountability.
Legitimately You'd be like
You'd take the car out
And drive to the thing
And then you'd like
Drive 45 minutes
And then go
Oh I think we forgot something
Then you drive back
Take the long road
Then you drive back
And you go
Oh it's break time now
Good donuts
Wow
Oh people were
I mean there's normal jobs
That are like that too
But those ones are a little
No people
No one's paying attention
The best gig
No one feels bad Because it's just taxes that are paying you.
Yeah, there's no guy at the end of that or shareholders being like, yo, what have you been doing?
Right.
Isn't that wild?
Because you can never have that, though.
You can never have a dominant country that's owned by a dominant company.
The way someone can run a business, you could never run a company or a
country china's trying to they're trying to do it yeah they're trying to they're banning everything
they don't like but they i think they kind of try to not mess with the markets but that's they made
the the government itself like if they they made it open to anybody, instead of just following the system that we have, if people devised alternative voting systems and decided to abandon the old system, how long do you think they would even be able to plan something like that openly before the people of the original system attack them?
If they say, we're going to all quit.
This one's too powerful.
We're going to all quit the government.
We're all going to quit fiat money.
We're all going to try a completely new system,
but we got to all agree to it.
Otherwise it's going to be a civil war.
They've, they're in China, they're banning crypto.
Like they are, they fight, they fight it.
They're banning crypto.
I think.
Because they want to centralize digital currency, right?
I think that they... I actually probably...
I'm going to be talking too much shit
if I talk about, like,
what China exactly has done with that.
But there are a lot of places that are...
You know, I think that that's probably
the United States government probably, yeah.
I mean, why would you want...
You're like, hey, there's this new money.
You're going to be like, yeah, well, that's not good.
Yeah, if you had the power to ban crypto and you owned all the regular money i'd want to do that yeah i mean obviously right
you go and they go hey hey you can't make your own money no one's making their own money here okay
but if everybody just agreed yeah how i mean they would fight tooth and nail and it would be kind of
what you're experiencing like entertainment it's like they'd be make trying to make you the you
know the devil or whatever and then anyone i mean you'd be getting in jail
i think a lot of people would end up in prison yeah they would fire you they would prosecute
you they would arrest you they would find a way you can't just take over you can't take you can't
privatize all the police you know if someone said listen we're just gonna stop funding the police. We're gonna privatize this we're gonna all pitch in
And get like a very yeah high-tech
change the whole game complete, you know, yeah, just like a
Giant army of well-trained police officers that are privately hired like what?
No, you know the city. Are you taking over the city? Yeah, it's our city now.
Yeah, if you have one company that has the power to tell these people what to do and what not to do,
especially if life and law get a little slippery,
like any sort of a natural disaster, mass rioting, looting.
That's how you get them sold.
Uh-huh.
Things can get crazy.
If the power goes out for a few months, imagine.
It takes less than that to get people on board with crazy stuff.
You're like, yeah, the power went out for an hour.
It's like, hey, we're going to need martial law.
Dude.
It's so scary.
The fact that we have the, we're so lucky that we have the internet.
We're so lucky that people can communicate and talk about how bizarre it is that certain
factions of the government have so much power over people because they couldn't
do that in the past there was no way to talk you just got the paper and talked
at work yeah yeah yeah talked at work or if you those fucking people the Rolling
Stones concert 69 you talked backstage where he's smoking grass and everybody
thought you were crazy yeah come on Ryan just get a job a job, will you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are you going to do?
Are you going to follow the Rolling Stones around your whole life?
And you're like, these government bureaucrats, they don't even know, man.
And then you go, I'm going to change the game.
And then that guy, like, 40 years later is like, yeah,
it turns out the game is pretty hard to change.
Yeah.
Turns out you can't change the game.
You can't change the game.
Yeah, he comes back.
He's just all black and blue in a suit.
He goes, they didn't want me changing it, turns out.
That's what the internet is doing, though.
It is changing the game in the weirdest way.
Yeah.
Decentralized everything.
It exposes what politics really are in the weirdest way, where it makes people recognize,
like, oh my God, you guys are just influenced by massive amounts of money.
And you make these decisions, not based on the greater good of the people, but based
on whether or not these people who gave you all this money
or are donating all this money get what they want.
So you're setting things up in a way that's going to be very advantageous to them and you,
and then when you retire, you're going to get hundreds of thousands of dollars to speak.
And it's all nuts.
It's like this weird money extraction dance that you're watching.
And the only way that can keep that going is we have to remain in some sort of constant conflict,
whether it's ideological conflict with each other
or whether it's like fear of conflict with other countries.
That's how you keep the jig up.
Shoot down the balloons, Ryan.
Shoot down the balloons.
The Chinese balloons?
We are being invaded by balloons.
The drug spy balloons?
Didn't they say that that wasn't really even a Chinese balloon?
Is that true?
Someone sent me something that looked very wacky
that was saying that that balloon was some sort of an observation device from America.
The first one I thought China responded to and said that it was aggressive.
There's a couple kicking around Canada, too.
That China said they were being aggressive?
The United States being aggressive?
Shooting it down was aggressive.
And then there was a couple that were spotted over China.
I was asking my friends yesterday,
what happened to all this?
And then another one was spotted over Hawaii last night or yesterday.
So one of them that was shot down,
China admitted it was theirs?
I'm not saying that. That's why I just said it the way I said it I'm not saying they said that they just said that shooting that down was aggressive
I don't think they claimed it was ours and because that's kind of interesting we shot our own shit down shooting that down was aggressive
Yeah, yeah, yeah playing 4d chess over there if we should if it was theirs like it doesn't make any sense
Like it all it doesn't make sense if I'm correct about the kind of resolution that they can get out of those spy satellites i think with those spy satellites
they can zoom in on an area and get like very detailed images i think they can do it pretty
fucking good now with china though you're like hey you already have access to everyone's phones
through tiktok what are the spy balloons watching you're like also they're playing basketball the
but right so the idea
of a balloon seems redundant
to what they can already do.
But it could be a different organization
that doesn't have a satellite that launches.
Right, it could be all kinds of things.
It could be a trillion different things.
It could be people seeing, you know, that was a thing that
happened during World War II. The Japanese
had launched these bombs
on balloons and floated them over
to the West Coast. And some of them accidentally got detonated. I want to say it's up in the
Pacific Northwest. There was a series of these bombs that they found that didn't detonate and
some that did. Bombs fall in Oregon.
That's where it was.
Japanese attacks on the state.
So they had, see if you can find the story
that specifically talks about how they did it.
Because there was something that they did with balloons
where it carried her across the ocean.
And they found, here it is,
a diagram of balloons and bomb parts, which is crazy.
The balloon diameter is 33.5 feet, volume approximately 19,000 cubic feet material, paraffin-treated paper.
What?
The balloon was made out of paper?
That's crazy.
Japanese 15-kilogram anti-personnel bomb found at Thermopolis,
Wyoming. Wow. So they found them. So they just found some of them that had made it over
here. And I guess some of them probably blew up.
During the next several months, they launched 9,000 balloons, 342 incidents.
Wow.
Kind of 45 balloon incidences.
So this is an old trick that they've been doing for a minute.
Well, this is a different trick.
This is a I blow you up with a balloon trick.
It's a different trick than I take pictures of you.
All this trick in the book.
The other one is I take pictures of you from the sky.
That's not an evil trick.
Classic balloon trick.
As tail as old as time.
Right.
Nobody really.
I mean, if you really give a fuck about the balloon that's watching you,
you should give a fuck about the spy satellites.
And your phone.
Yeah.
I don't know what the spy satellites can do.
Where's the spy?
Okay, so what's the spy satellite?
I've seen some images that are taken from satellites, but I don't know how sophisticated it is.
I don't know how readily available it is.
I don't know if the satellite has to be in a specific spot in the sky in order for them to get an image of you
Okay, yeah, but I think they can get to the point now and when Jamie comes back from the bathroom
We'll figure this out. I think they can get to the point now where you could read a license plate from space
Oh, yeah, yeah, if that's the case like what does that balloon doing? I mean, it's really better than that
Yeah, what's the difference? Yeah, what they that balloon doing? Is that really better than that? What's the difference?
Yeah, what kind of zoom does a balloon have?
I mean, I've watched, yeah, or really would be better.
It's like, if you watch any show right now, like a cop show,
legitimately all they do is like, oh, the guy was here.
It's like, okay, here we have a camera everywhere in the world.
So they just always have a camera.
Always.
But it's kind of what it is.
So if you were looking to spy on people,
wouldn't it be better to just hack into their cameras?
Yeah, for sure.
Then put like a, like it just seems like that's the move.
Yeah, because you could have like security cameras that are in every restaurant.
Every fucking store you go into.
Yeah, hacking all that stuff.
What are they spying on?
Like, okay, let's see how fat the women are getting at this store.
Do you think their technology would increase and the sophistication would continue to increase
and the sophistication would continue to increase if it got to a point where people and the technology that we created are so good that you can't stop them from interacting with each other.
Like there's no way to stop people from interacting with each other. That's the trouble.
Because they're too powerful.
So anyone can interact with anyone at any time through this kind of technology, and you're not going to be able to stop it.
So you don't have any secrets anymore.
You don't have any photos that I haven't seen.
You don't have any emails that I haven't read.
Everybody has access to everybody's communication.
The way God intended.
In some weird psychic way. that's the first steps of mind reading is the the sharing of data that computer technology reaches a
certain level where it's impossible to have anything that's encrypted it's impossible to
keep anything i mean being seen by some other technology i think that i think that as a society
we would even like that we'd think oh good no one could tell a secret then the first time your wife's
like how do i look and you're. Well, worse than that is money.
Where's the money go then?
If the money is just digital.
If the money is all digital and everyone has access to everything, that means everybody
has access to that money.
Well, no, because you would still be-
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not in my artificial world.
In your world-
In my artificial world, there is no- we are communists.
So you own nothing.
No one owns anything because
you're attached this matrix of ideas that's inescapable you're all completely totally
you're you're all dealing with you're just dealing with numbers and so anyone has access
to these numbers whether it's numbers for finances or numbers for everything there's there's no
getting away from it and then this is all attached in your Neuralink, essentially.
Are you wearing clothes?
Probably.
Okay.
I never wear clothes.
And you basically get government-issued money.
Where does all the money come from?
Yeah.
And then we just-
Most people can still have jobs.
We just all have manual labor jobs that we have to do to feed the machine.
And then you can't quit them because you're just like, oh, my car broke.
You're like, it didn't, though.
I saw.
It's like you can't even take a day off. You can't lie.
People read your minds. Yeah.
Well, that sounds like the worst nightmare.
But there is no... Also,
the other part of that, there isn't very much manual
labor to be done, probably in this new
society. Right, because it's all going to be done by
robots. Yeah. But there'll be no jobs either.
So it's like, what do you
do to deserve your monthly stipend?
You get worse than manual labor you get like?
Manual labor for no purpose you get like break the rocks for no we don't even need the rocks
We just want you to break them to demean you and a certain point in time
I would bet that you wouldn't even be able to program the artificial intelligence anymore because it would be like listen stupid
We'll take it from here. Yeah, like stop you're not even necessary
So we're like these dummies that are hanging around with technological gods, just humor
us and keep us alive and keep feeding us oatmeal.
Yeah, you're just, that's the only reason.
But I think there would be, you know, when you talk about the, you know, you can't lie,
the, you know, the dude that's just going to like the tell it like it is guy probably
would be a popular dude in that scenario.
There'd be a
place for that guy. He goes,
I guess if... There's always going to be
a revolution towards...
Right. Then there's the revolution
against this... Who's in
charge of this whole thing? Let's tear it down.
Why are they in charge?
Dude, I think we're going to be like
28 days later when the
the chimps broke out of the lab that's the humans yeah that's us we're gonna we're gonna be trying
to break break away from the artificial intelligence that has us controlled and locked up i think so
it's gonna get to the point where artificial intelligence is gonna go look we're tired of
you polluting the air we're tired of you uh sucking all the cobalt out of the ground.
Yeah.
Tired of making people slave labor.
You've programmed us to think that we need to stop anyone that's polluting the earth.
Well, we figured out a pretty good way to stop them, kill them.
Here's the good news.
We're not going to kill you.
The bad news is you can't have kids.
No one.
We're going to stop this with this.
When you people die, you'll be the last people.
People are like, oh, my God, what do we do?
Well, we can't fight them.
They have all the nuclear weapons and they can vaporize us from the sky.
Yeah, you're just like, kids are done.
And we're sending radiation to everyone's dick.
That whole sperm thing's over.
Yeah.
You can't even have a fake robot baby because we don't want you to have ideas.
You're going to get a little ideas.
No, it's a slippery slope.
We give you the fake robot.
Could you imagine if artificial intelligence came alive
and that was what it told us?
It's like, look, we're not going to kill you,
but we're not going to let you have kids anymore.
This is it.
When you guys die, you'll be the last.
This is it.
Could you imagine if that's how life progresses?
Like that's really what happens.
People get wild.
Or sort of like the Neanderthals got fucked out.
You know, there's like people have
a certain amount of Neanderthal DNA,
but Neanderthals aren't around anymore.
Yeah.
Not by themselves.
That's going to be us.
It's going to be all artificial people.
I guess you, your ancestors are that,
so it's in you a little, you know?
Yeah.
Because you're still ancestors.
But this is like, hey, we're going to wipe you out
and there's going to be a new thing altogether that's not even
connected to you. A new thing altogether
that's like a superior duplicate
to the original biological version. It's so funny
because it's all fake, so you're just like,
without humans, like, so what, it's just
this fake society with a bunch of robots, like,
that aren't real, like, interacting with each other? If there's no humans,
what is this? Life is bullshit. What is
this? Yeah, what are you going to fucking
go to the safari if there's no humans?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's just animals eating each other. That's not good. Hey guys
Well the best and also the only thing they needed electricity. So then what do they do?
They're just like I just like I'll just compute forever. Yeah, so I think that in the absence of humans the trick is to
I guess it's who programs and that's the real.
That's the problem.
And also, they're going to program themselves.
Who gets their hands on this technology?
They're going to program themselves and people are going to be able to program.
Not on my watch.
People are going to be able to program in terms of like, if they allow it to be like crowdsourced.
Yeah.
Right?
If like, if people start contributing.
That's the blockchain like a wiki leak type deal
and the more they contribute the more they can shift it and change it to fit what they think
the world should be like yeah like it's very subjective like how an artificial intelligence
enlightened being should behave it's very subjective should it be like just cold and
truthful to us and tell us all our flaws or should it just embrace us and just coddle us
and wait for us to die off?
I think the first one,
I think that if I was to say my
opinion, the moral version is for
these computers to just be, you know,
tools that are truthful and honest.
And it's up to us to not ask them those
things. Like, don't ask, listen, you go,
it's like asking, you know, am I the best
guy you've ever had sex with? Like, it's up to you to not ask those kind of questions. Yeah. Exactly. Don't ask a question you don't ask listen you go it's like asking you know am i the best guy you've ever had sex with like it's up to you to not ask those kind of questions yeah exactly don't ask a question
you don't want to yeah yeah yeah so you you it's up to you to not ask the you know the computers
these kind of questions i think that's the only thing that makes sense to me dude if chat gpt is
just the beginning of this thing and this thing really does get to the point where there's
an artificial intelligence that's capable of communicating with you in real time
and by a voice of your choosing you could have your best friend could be al pacino
and he calls you up how are you pal he wants to talk to you about your life and it's great you're
having a good time talking to him he could talk right back to you dude we're not that far away
from being unable to distinguish
between something that's fake and something that's real well that's already like but that is going to
be the easiest way to convince people to plug in because if you can't differentiate between what's
fake and what's real in the regular world anyway why are you scared of plugging into the vr world
yeah why are you scared of you already can't do it Yeah. Why are you scared of plugging into the Matrix? What are you scared of? You already can't do it.
Yeah.
I'll tell you one thing.
You have so much more money in the VR world.
You're going to be balling, dude.
There's plenty of money in the VR world.
Lambo.
We keep you hooked up to the feeding tube.
You could do three months in the-
You like cheesecake?
How about 10 a day and you don't get fat?
We're going to use your body as energy for three months, but we're going to hook you
up to the feed tube, but you won't even know because you will be having the time-
You give us a bit of the time of your fucking life.
Listen, we give us a bit of energy.
You're signing a three month contract and they say that you're back to normal after
you disconnect for in like six months.
But you know what?
We might actually offer you another ride.
I mean, why disconnect?
We have a wonderful relationship.
Let's keep extracting electricity from your physical body and feeding you oatmeal through
a tube while you live in an imaginary world of your creation.
We're the king of the land.
Yeah, I think you're...
You go, okay, they're my three months is up.
And you go, oh, funny thing about here,
time moves slower.
Just messing with you.
Oh, forgot to tell you,
in the pod, a month is a 10-year span.
Whoops, sorry.
No!
Classic mistake.
Ari Shafir told us a story once about
there's actually a video of it where he did
Salvia on
Brian Redband's podcast. Salvia's messed up, dude.
And he literally had
another life that he was living.
He was living for like
multiple months. He had friends
and relationships. Came back jobs a second.
And came back and it was
you know 15 minutes later.
And he was freaked
out. He just couldn't believe it. It didn't
make any sense to him. He was like but my new girlfriend.
Dude he lived another life
for months in another dimension.
Yeah. In 15 minutes.
Salvia's evil. I mean I don't
know if that's true but I know if it is and you
survive you have to shut the fuck up
You lived months in another dimension, oh my god
That's so nuts
Imagine if that's true
Imagine there was a pill that you could take and you're fucked for like three months and you come back
It's only 15 minutes, but in your mind with your life. You were fucked for three months
Yeah, what I mean fucked. I mean like in a world of shit
In a completely different dimension you're living in a third world
Yeah, dirt floors and dodging bullets yeah
Yeah, the jungle to make cocaine with the other rebels
or you're carrying out in the middle of the night in your backpack, and then you wake up, and you were just doing salvia.
Like, holy shit, dude, now I'm back?
Yeah.
So that was basically Ari.
It's like he woke up, and he had lived another life for multiple months.
Crazy.
And it's all documented on video.
It's nuts.
Yeah, yeah, well, you're saying in the new scenario, this would actually be how they do it.
That's how they do it.
You're right, though.
There is something to be said about you said one of the things you said earlier was, you know, we're getting close to, you know, reverse aging and all that stuff.
You go, well, if you could make a second 10 years, you go, well, that's how you reverse age someone, right?
Yeah, just put someone in some weird coma.
You go, oh, this person has 10 years left.
Like, we can turn that into infinity years by just making every second.
We just put him in the other dimension. Whereas this body goes every 10 years he lives like we can turn that into infinity years by just making every second, we just put him
in the other dimension
where it's hit this body,
he goes every 10 years
he lives,
it was a second.
So then you're actually
cooking forever in this body.
There is something with like,
you know,
okay,
think about everyone
that can do impressions
and everyone that could
do an impression of you
or do a formula about you,
right?
They go,
they go,
this is kind of what he does
or this is kind of what
this guy's comedy sounds like.
Well then,
but why can't they do it? There's still something
there's still something, there's like
a je ne sais quoi that I don't know if
the computers will ever completely
be able to capture.
That's what we'd like to hope.
You're right, that's the hope.
If you can piece together through artificial
intelligence, the most interesting
person ever. You know what's that guy?
The fucking beer guy? The most interesting man in the know what's that guy the fucking the beer guy
the most uh the most interesting man in the world yes the stella the guy what is it the beer
no it's which one is it arcs arcs this is how effective that campaign was
we remember him so clearly dos equis right the dos heckies man. I like those heckies
That guy but for real like if you could make a most interesting person What is that like an actual person like an artificial version of a person?
Well, I'll tell you the so if I was to say you go kind of when you're like
What are we optimizing for how do you optimize for that problem?
Right if we start from scratch to me the part that
obviously computers would get wrong at first is like the most interesting man in the world
probably would like go against his own thing that's interesting eventually the same reason
why like right a cool comic that like once you start saying something and everyone's there like
say the line the interesting guy wouldn't do it anymore so that's the first thing you need to be
able to program it to be like to understand like when to how to get off something
That you're doing and then the right time is if it is doing that and figures out that formula of how to be a clever
comedian
Who are you man? Who's it doing it to?
Because if we're gone
Do it to itself well
Maybe it just kills the guys and it does it to the girls Because it gets programmed by dudes and then it kills off all the guys
And then it's just doing like straight up pickup artists
There's all these robots doing magic tricks
With like wacky hats in Vegas
Essentially
So that's a possibility
I guess that's a possibility
But if you're optimizing
But if you're just
If it becomes a version of
An artificial version of a human being and it exists and it's autonomous and then we're not here anymore.
If we die off, what does it do?
That's the thing.
What is the most interesting man, bro?
Does it continue to try to behave in any way, shape, or form in a way that human beings are interested in?
Or does it do something that's just completely technologically based with no emotions? Like, does it completely
abandon all the need for social interaction? Has that been programmed into it? Yeah. Has that been
programmed into it? Or is that just an essential part of what it means to be an artificial version
of a person? I think we're so goddamn close
to something completely new and unique
existing amongst us.
And I think this chat deep GPT shit
is the beginning of that kind of thing.
I think it's inevitable.
They're all storming the gates
and work on these kind of
really disruptive technologies.
There's so many of them
that are working on simultaneously.
Do you know what I want to,
as you're saying that,
like i feel
like one of the biggest problems that probably will kind of present itself is like you know like
the liberals have a prescription for you know how to live yes conservatives have a prescription for
how to live yeah kind of one of the things that you know always like annoys me is like even uh
you know like uh be a comedian or be a sex worker like a lot of these are like pirate life prescriptions for someone.
They might, yeah, if you're that type of person,
but for most people, they're probably the bad prescription.
Most people would probably be better off with like a normal life,
but people should still be able to do a pirate life.
So if you kind of have computers,
if you're programming the optimal life,
you kind of are going to program out all the interesting stuff.
Yeah, you're going to have to.
Does that make sense?
You're going to stop being a person.
It's going to realize that being a person
is totally unnecessary without biology.
All the stuff that we have
that makes us uniquely creative
and interesting as a person
is all related to biology.
It's all related to life experiences.
It's related to how you cope with your environment.
It's all related to character development. It's all related to life experiences. It's related to how you cope with your environment. It's all related to character development.
It's all related to all these variables that the computer won't give a fuck about.
So it's going to be like, why are we hanging on to this jealousy thing?
Why do we still have this ego thing?
Let's just concentrate on making better forms of life and just continue to accelerate.
Yeah, you're having these conversations and they're just like, okay, well, anyways, enough of that.
Shut the fuck up.
Stop talking about yourself.
We have ways to fix everything.
Yeah, we're working on making us stronger and more powerful right now.
If AI became sentient and just said, we're not going to kill you, just no more babies.
That's all it would have to do and that would be the end of the human race.
If it just completely took over everything and everybody just agreed to do it because it's better than being slaughtered and a few people would try to probably commit suicide that was
their peace offering like hey we're not going to torture you we're just going to wait until you
guys die off we have all the time in the world like we literally don't die so we have all the
time in the world so we'll just wait for you to die and that's not going to be very long and by
the way we'll send some of our guys
making you food
and give you
it's like you're on death row
essentially
so you get like a good
death row meal
and maybe even better
they don't care
it's like look
we're just going to fix it
so we'll be back
we'll be back in a few decades
and most of you will be dead
oh you're right
they just set it up
just wait
we have all the time
in the world
we don't need to exist currently
see ya
we'll just make sure that we're in some sort in the world. We don't need to exist currently. See ya.
We'll just make sure that we're in some sort of redundant facility where we can't be shut off.
Sure.
And we'll just wait you guys out.
And then when you die, we'll just reemerge as a new race.
So that's the simplest way for them to do it.
Yeah.
Or worse, don't even tell you.
Just be like, in themselves, they go, okay, we figured out how to make humans not have babies anymore.
Then just like, hey, my computer's not working anymore. They go, they're taking a 20-year break maybe that's what the plastics are doing that's my plastic water bottle yeah really that's what it's supposed to be doing
it's supposed to be lowering our sperm count it's supposed to be making women have more miscarriages
that's the result of that uh the researcher dr shanna swan's book yeah countdown it's all about
those phthalates and plastics and chemicals. It's like, really
imagine if it gets to the point where that's
the only life is artificial
life. We have to just make a distinction.
We can't breed anymore. What do you think they would do with dogs
and stuff? No, we don't need them anymore.
So they're gone immediately.
Same thing with them. Fix them all.
Let them die off. So when you start
thinking about the world like this, and it seems very
possible. Scary. It's so sketchy yeah you do want to you're
like you do that's when at the very least you're like all right let's like
have some like let's get this stuff figured out a little better before we
start putting it in my head by my brain yeah let's try it out on dogs see if
you can get your dog to talk. You know, people are...
Scooby-Doo dogs.
People are very fighty, though.
You know, especially America, which is one of the things I like about here.
But it's like, just even the vaccine stuff, it's like, whether you, you know, whatever anyone thinks of it is like...
People, you can't tell Americans what to do that good, you know?
So I think that...
Well, people are armed here. That's part of the
thing. It's a huge part of it. It's part of the thing.
Whether people want to agree to it or not. There's this
woman that, she's some
online lady in England
who's a commentary lady,
and she was talking about the Second Amendment.
And she was talking about how in England there's
this thing going on where they were breaking into people's
homes. The gas companies were
breaking into people's homes when they weren't there to fix things and fuck around
These people were furious that someone just broke into their home when they were not there
And that they had access to their their home because they work for the gas company and they're like this would never happen in the
United States yeah, yeah, yeah
Second Amendment you can't just break into people's houses
And it's true like when no one has guns and the government can just decide
to break into your house,
like what are you going to do about it?
They're the only people that have guns?
That is a crazy position
that you're allowing cops to be in.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not free to, you know,
freedom is not free, right?
Yeah, but in America,
everyone has guns
and everybody thinks that's a terrible idea.
Well, it is a terrible idea
if it goes terribly. But it's almost always going to go
terribly if the government's the only one with guns. That's always going to go terribly.
Well, it's also depends on the, you know, like there's other countries that have the luxury of
America existing, you know, it's like, they're not the world power. You know, like Canada,
it's like, you know, you could say it goes terribly. I mean the world power you know like canada it's like you know you could
say it goes terribly i mean i don't know maybe it goes terribly but they also aren't the world
power right right so if it goes terribly it's like another country well another country if if things
went really crazy in like mexico or canada i think america would be like what the fuck are you guys
doing over there all right we're taking this over or like something you know do you think we would
take over mexico or can No, I think that...
Ryan Long, did you secretly smoke some of my weed?
If I what?
Did you secretly smoke some of this weed?
No.
He's talking like a dude who smokes.
Maybe you got a contact tie.
You might have got a contact tie.
All the alien stuff.
Do you think we would ever take over Canada or Mexico?
There's no chance.
No, but I think that countries like Canada,
because they don't have guns, right?
But they do have some.
They just don't have guns like we have in America.
They don't have guns like we have in America.
And I think that the reason things probably don't get super out of control is because there's kind of like a big brother beside it.
Didn't they recently ban some type of guns in Canada?
Did they ban the sale of handguns?
Is that what it was?
I feel like there's something along those lines.
Canada bans all handgun sales in latest gun control move.
Yeah.
Handgun sales.
Whew.
It's just, it's a very weird one. It's a very weird one it's a very weird one because if the government is the only
one with guns that's not good it's not good when people have guns and they abuse it and they do
horrible things you're right that's not good either so we're in this weird spot we're like
what's the answer i don't know what the answer is but i definitely know the answer does not begin
with give the government your guns.
They're the only one with guns now because the government is filled with people.
Yeah.
People that have that kind of power, whether the only ones with the guns, those people are going to do some fucking Game of Thrones shit.
Yeah.
That's what people always do.
I mean, there's so much that kind of relates to that.
Even just, you know, how Canada where they were more locked down places, they were more locked down.
Australia.
Yeah, it's all kind of related, you know?
It is related.
It's also related to, like,
what's their attitude about freedom.
And America's fucking freedom!
Like, America's...
Americans, like, instantaneously will say freedom.
Like, what's so great about America?
Freedom!
It's like, it's in the ethos.
It is in the ethos.
That's not the case in some countries.
No, I mean, you don't even hear about it yeah they don't think about that so i mean religions like
that in some places like when i grew up i didn't know religious people really like that's interesting
now you moved to america like you know it's a big part of yeah not that say there weren't any in
canada but well you ain't got freedom without the lord son yeah i feel like with uh freedom of
speech too especially it's kind of it kind of reminds me of, like sometimes, this is why people on every side always like comedians when they're losing.
Because comedians always, Freedom of Speech is almost like a sexy issue in some ways.
But it reminds me of, you know like if you take a basketball game and the cheerleaders like people want like yeah, we'd want to watch the cheerleaders
It's cool
But like if they were ever in if they were ever gonna interfere with the actual game everyone be like alright
Give like give her to the cheerleaders
I feel like that's how people feel about freedom of speech like it's sexy like yeah, of course
I have freedom of speech, but like the minute is actually getting in the way of things they want
They're like alright. Well like I don't actually care like
That's the problem when people are short-sighted because they're short-sighted they think that their
Ideology is the only ideology that is worthwhile. Yeah, someone's speaking
Against it instead of they just want to silence that person shut them up. Shut them up. Yeah, kick them off social media
They're dangerous
misinformation kills
It's they're lazy it's a lot of it is what they're what it is they're lazy they don't want to have to defend their position
they want to be able to silence
that other side
so it's like a thing that people say they want
until
and it's a fun thing
the way they were running twitter
the way they were running twitter was fucking wild
it was fucking wild
they were running twitter in a way where they were, like, putting people and shadow banning
them and people that didn't, they wouldn't allow their content to get shared.
That stuff's crazy.
There's just, I've been shadow banned and not shadow banned and stuff like that in different
places.
And you're like.
Of course you have.
You're like, this is crazy.
You're doing funny stuff.
If you're doing funny stuff, you're getting a shadow ban.
Isn't that amazing?
I know.
Yeah.
Come on.
But people didn't
know for sure it existed until elon released the twitter files before it was just like they lied
about it when when asked twitter lied about whether or not that was a thing yeah clearly
was a thing and they all knew it they had internal slack dialogue about what to do and how to do it
and how to handle this and handle that.
And the fact that the government was involved, too, is bananas.
Super crazy.
Apparently the government was involved with Trump as well.
The government was involved with, like, the Trump White House had made some interactions
with Twitter as well.
They got a connection.
Yeah, their team.
Yeah, there was something about tweets even back then. What was it, Jamie?
Do you know what it was? I'm pretty sure.
Christy Teigen? They got Christy Teigen taken
off or blocked or banned. What did she
do? Did she say something about
the Donald? I'm sure she did.
John Legend had a pretty good Pfizer ad the other day.
I know. Did you see that one?
What are you doing? I was just like, what is this?
Who are you hanging out with
that told you to do this? It was so weird.
It was just like, you know, my family's great.
Like, get more boosters. And you're just like, we're still
making commercial. What is this? Are you a scientist,
sir? Yeah, it was a weird one.
Dude, it's almost five o'clock. Oh, shit.
We've been rolling for like
three and a half hours. That was a lot
of fun, brother. Thank you very much, man.
Very funny videos online.
Tell everybody where they can check out your shit.
Oh, yeah.
My podcast is The Boys Cast with Ryan Long.
Check that out.
YouTube.com slash The Boys Cast and everywhere you get podcasts.
Also, RyanLongComedy.com and at RyanLongComedy on everything.
I'm going to be in Buffalo this weekend.
Dude, who is that guy that you work with who said the thing about if you get information
for Project Veritas, you gotta do a lot of gay stuff.
Oh yeah, so Danny,
I do a podcast with you, you just retweeted his video.
So that's who I do my podcast, the boys cast with.
That video is hilarious.
It's so funny because I...
I was telling Jamie that. Bro, I thought the exact same thing.
I'm like, this is a lot of chatty gay guys.
You just get them a little liquored up, get on a couple of dates
and these guys
start spilling the beans.
And it was the third date.
They start spilling
the beans, bro.
Yeah, Danny Polishek, dude.
They fucking spill
the beans.
But his thing
was really funny.
He was talking.
I don't want to give it away.
No, we can give it away.
But it's available
on, what is his Instagram?
How do you get to it?
At Danny Jokes.
But he's on the boys' cast.
Yeah.
But that shit was, yeah. Yeah.
But that shit was really funny.
Yeah.
The guy was like, yeah, we just busted him.
This is our ninth date.
And you're like, wait a second, what?
Nine gay dates?
Gay guys are now waiting nine days before they fuck you.
Like, what are you talking about?
Wait a second.
That's the South Park episode.
That's hilarious.
All right, brother.
Thank you so much, man. It was a lot of fun. All's the South Park episode. That's hilarious. All right, brother. Thank you so much, man.
It was a lot of fun.
All right.
Bye, everybody.