The Joe Rogan Experience - #1946 - Protect Our Parks 7

Episode Date: February 23, 2023

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special, "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and season two of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is available now at www.gillyandkeeves.tv. www.shanemgillis.com Mark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. His latest special, "Mark Normand: Out to Lunch," is available via YouTube.  www.marknormandcomedy.com Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. His latest special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube. www.arishaffir.com

The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day You do heroin? Yes Yes We're up I'm the only one without sunglasses, what the fuck? It's just easy to hide behind something

I'm here alone, no sunglasses You gotta get them bro They're in my car, I'm not going Call one of your go poker game. No sunglasses. You got to get them, bro. They're in my car. I'm not going. I have a second pair. Call one of your goons. I just feel the place. All right, give them yours.

Yours are cool. Mine are cool. Joe would look cool in those, too. Those are like Bosworth glasses. Joe, try those on. Nice. Pit Vipers, too. I live in Florida.

Ours is in Key West. Oh, yeah, with that bald head. You fucking bring someone to justice, man. Fuck yeah, bro. Yeah, you look like a bounty hunter. Yeah, bro. You're a video game boss. Fun times last night, boys. Oh, yeah.

Good show. We stayed too late. Yeah, it was a little late. I got home. I've been requiring myself to write for at least one hour when I get home. Finally writing. I just didn't get to bed until four in the morning. Holy hell.

So you got home and wrote? Wrote. That's crazy. Damn. So what do you write your best? I do it at night. Sometimes at bars. Sometimes when I'm on the way home.

When I just get off stage. Early time. You just get off stage, your juices are still flowing. Sure. You're getting, sometimes you're, it's like every now and then you get the one gem out of ten. Just one little idea, one little spark. Oh, yeah.

Come on, pussies, get in there. It's not shades yet. Well, we got like seven different drugs going around. Whatever, allegedly. Don't be scared of the future. What about a cigar? You want a cigar? Please.

I'm all right. All right. No Shane. No Shane in that. Yep. Hey. Don't fat Shane. There'm all right. All right. No Shane. No Shane in that. Yep. Hey. Don't fat Shane. There's a tour.

No Shane in that. Just like you, canceling gigs. What? No Shane in that tour. Oh, yeah. He loves titles. I don't like them. Yes, sir.

Oh, grazie. Come up with a name. Names are tough. Yep. What about when you have a kid? You gotta name that thing forever. I saw Buffett. It was a second wind tour. A lot of old people. Jimmy Buffett?

Second wind tour's a great name. Second wind tour. For that, it is. It made me realize names of tours are cool. He's underrated. I'd go the opposite way. Damn. What? About three songs I knew. I like mine with lettuce and tomatoes. That's great. That's one of them. That's all you need, dude.

It's wasted away again in margarita. Yeah, pop top. Come on. Stepped on a pop top. What is that? Pumped in my heart. What's a pop top? You know, like a...

Convertible? You pop a bottle. It's a Florida movie. But he stepped on it? It's Florida music. He stepped on it. He's drunk in his apartment. He stepped on it. It's wholesome. Yeah. It's like Florida movie. But he stepped on it? It's Florida music. He stepped on it. He's drunk in his apartment. It's wholesome. Yeah.

It's like it's passable. Can I get the circumcise? Florida's a good place. I was just down there. Oh, shit. That's amazing. How about it, guys? Let's move to Florida. Start this over. Florida's where you move to when everything goes terrible. Yeah. Key West.

If everything goes bad in Texas, you move to Florida. If Beto O'Rourke becomes governor. What? He's got a skateboard. He does, I'm sure. And everything slides into oblivion, you go to Florida. Yeah, you go to Florida. Florida's like the last stand before you just move to South America.

And Key West is the last of Florida. Yeah. Exactly. Before you get a compound in Mexico, you go to Florida. Key West is the jizz coming out of the dick. Yep. That's it. Yep.

It's over. Right on the bottom. I've never been to Key West. Oh. Rules, dude. That's pretty awesome. It's an escape. Is there a good club there?

There's a small club, Key West Comedy. Yeah, is it good? It's great. Yeah? 90 people. You do it? I just did it. Oh, no shit.

Spend a week there. Do two shows. Nice. That's it. Jet ski. Jet ski. Bike everywhere. Leather lady. Overlap the list for a few days. The people a week there. Do two shows. Nice. Jet ski. Jet ski. Bike everywhere. Leather lady. Overlap the list for a few days.

The people there must be just so fucking loose. They're devoid of any sort of fashion or trying to stick with anybody. They're just so, I saw three cops in action and all of them were trying to get an old lady from the street to the sidewalk. That's it? Yeah. She's like, you're too drunk at 4 p.m. Please, ma'am.

Please, can you go to the sidewalk? You go to Hemingway's house? What's Hemingway's house? Yeah, it's pretty neat. at 4 p.m. Please ma'am. Please. Can you go to the sidewalk? You go to Hemingway's house. What's that? It's pretty neat. Yeah, the cats your thumbs. Mm-hmm. Yeah, one has seven great They just have like they can't how does that happen breeding? Is it over breeding? Breeding them on purpose in bra on top on purpose. Yeah, make those thumbs. No, I'm like cats. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, pretty great. That's how many ways you have to touch them pet him. No shit. Yeah, they're cats. That's pretty great. That's Hemingway's cats. Yeah, we touched them. Pet them. No shit. Yeah, they're everywhere. It's pretty fun. That's scary. Look how big that is. Is there like a tour of his house you do? Yeah. It's awesome. Typewriters there and shit?

Like that kind of deal? That's where I killed himself. Scary cats. Look at the hands on that thing. All the concussions he has. That is crazy. Yeah, it's nuts. He had a shit ton of concussions, right? Yeah. Really? Yeah, and they're like, this might have also led to his. CTE? Yeah.

Yeah, he was in war. He was boxing. Oh, yeah. Getting knocked out all the time. I can't tell, because I loved Hemingway, but he also seems kind of like a douche. I think he believed who he was. Yeah. He believed in the legend of Hemingway.

There's a part of that that's annoying, where he's like, I'll fight anybody on this island. It's like, shut up, Arthur. We're all just drinking. Arthur. Yeah, shut up. Go write your words. Dork. Yeah, go play with your cats.

Isn't that funny? Some guys are intellectuals. They feel like they have to do something like that to be legit. Yeah. Get knocked out. He loved bullfighting. Oh, yeah. You hear that, Neil deGrasse? He's a wrestler.

Yeah, he wrestles. He was a beast, though, wasn't he? He was a wrestler. He was a high school fucking champ. Yeah, he was fit. That'd be a bummer to get your ass whooped by Neil deGrasse. I would. Start talking shit to him. Oh, that's that old school barrel chest.

He looks like he wears a unitard to the beach. When men ate mostly oats, they looked like that. Oats. That's part of the Patricia's breakfast. Looks like Orson Welles. He really does. They all ate oats and grits and shit.

But he got laid quite a bit. Did he? He fucked. Oh, man. He fucked everybody. Getting rid of wives. Every wife he cheated on

with his next wife. Jesus. Why marry again? Because he's a dummy. And after this one's over, I probably won't do it again. Guys get, they get all romantic.

What do you got here? Some 18-year-old scotch, sir. Oh, too old for me. Let's go, let's go. Hey, thank you. You want some? Don't be a pussy. All right, to the camera. Oh, you're into that.

That's all we have to do. Done. Gentlemen, I look forward to this more than almost everything. Hey. So much fun. Hey. Those parks are going away. Hey.

I do fucking hate parks. Oh, yeah. It's a nothing to protect them. We're flying down and Ari's like. You talking about Rosa? When we get there. There's more parks to be saved? No, I just wanted to go on a hike.

We're flying down. He's like, what time do you land? Me and Norman were on the same flight. He's like, what time do you land? Let's get in. We'll get a hike in before the show. I'm like, dude, shut the fuck up. It's winter in New York. That's right. You guys are freezing up there. We can just sit outside and have a cocktail. Yeah, go outside by the lake.

Hang out, watch the canoes roll by. It's beautiful. Beautiful. You wanted to go inland into the city. Yeah, I had to the lake. Hang out, watch the canoes roll by. It's beautiful. Beautiful. Yeah, you want to go inland into the city. Yeah, I had to buy deodorant. You're like, let's walk by the river. Then we walk by the river. There's fucking just homeless dudes living in the fucking mud. Fucking hotel.

It's sinking in. I know. Doesn't it bother you how much Ari loves nature? It's so annoying. When you live in Manhattan, you need it. It's like a drug. You need to go get your drug. I want to walk in the park.

Go to the park. Let's go to the park and just sit in the grass. Shut the fuck up, dude. He's got to be in the ground soon with his age. Got to connect. That's right. Get used to it. Have you ever seen a coyote in Central Park?

No, I've seen them in LA. Have you? Apparently, they have them in Central Park now. What? Yeah, yeah. There's all these photos of coyotes in Central Park. Maybe leave the homeless borough They they're a weird animal rambles like as they get persecuted they move out and branch out their their territory like Jews Yeah, I said reminds me of something yeah

Well, they were attacked by the great wolves there the gray wolves and them are not related They're the like with the one animal like when they have coy wolves, like when a coyote and a wolf breed, it's always a red wolf. So it's an eastern wolf. So the western wolves, the gray wolves, the ones that they killed off and then they're bringing them back because they're idiots. They're bringing them back from Canada, like reintroducing wolves. Letting them out in Manhattan. It's such a terrible idea. But the gray wolves used to kill the coyotes.

So the coyotes, when the wolves were killing them, they would have more babies. So the females, whenever they do roll call and they scream out in the night, if one of them is missing, it causes the female to have extra pups. No. Whoa. Yeah, there's a great book called Coyote America by Dan Flores. I had him on the podcast. They're an amazing animal. I love the roll call.

You hear it when they get something, they all like. I just saved my cat from some coyotes. Really? Yeah. Did I ever say this on here? Lay it on me, Petty. Yeah. No, I was just sitting at my parents' house.

All of a sudden, I heard some fucking dogs screaming in the backyard. I'd never heard that shit. They were just in my parents' backyard screaming. And I went outside and they were like circling my cat. Whoa. I had to run out there and like pick him up.

What a pussy. I was like out there like, get out of here. Go on, get. I had to run out there and pick him up. What a pussy. I was out there like, get out of here. Go on, get. I was screaming at these dogs. I watched a coyote jump over my back fence with a chicken in its mouth.

Jumped over my fence. It was like, I guess like a six foot high fence. Jumped over it like it was nothing. Like it was nothing. Just bing to the top of the fence. Paws on the top.

Toosh, over the fence. That's awesome. Just let me know this fence is bullshit Like my dog has zero chance of getting out right Just go in and out like it's nothing. It's wild man. Why see how agile little wolves? Yeah, they're wolves that live amongst us. They're just a small wolf. Yeah, I didn't know they were in Central Park It's everywhere. They're in every single city in the country. What do they do, burrow?

Look at them. Wow. Look at that. They're cute. Someone's roof. Yeah, someone's roof. But they're everywhere. That's Bushwick.

So this is only within- Wait, oh, that's a Photoshop. This is only within the last- Oh, no, it's not. That's just a perspective shot. That's a perspective. Yeah, that's a roof. It's on a roof looking over.

It's pretty crazy. You thought he was on the street? Yeah. It's like a giant wolf, that's a roof. It's on a roof looking over Oh, I thought he was on the street It's like a giant wolf about to eat the lady It's on a roof. It's a perspective. I guess that's the same coyote But there's rats galore out there. That's snacks all day Well, that's what they do in LA. They clean up the rats in LA. They're a reason why we're not infested you think about all the fucking garbage It's on the floor in LA all the streets animals in the city is jarring. Yeah, see those Yeah, they're fun. Yeah when me in Florida when I was with Stan Hope in when I was staying at Stan Hope's you know me and him were drinking we'd go around like walking around and I'd be fucking javelinas everywhere javelinas

They're like neighbors dog people up. Yeah, theyinas kill his neighbor's dog. They fuck people up. They fucked up his neighbor's dog. There's a wild pig that's blind. It's fucking crazy. They don't have such good vision, but neither do regular wild pigs. Oh, really? Yeah, they operate by smell mostly. Smell and sound.

They don't see very well. If you pause, like if you're sneaking up on one, you just pause, they give up on looking at you, and then they start eating the ground. Whoa! Yeah, those boys are running around.

It's pretty fun. I shot one of those in South Texas a couple months ago. Nice. I bet they taste good. I turned it into chorizo. Hell yeah. I have a javelino chorizo. Yeah, little ones are great. They're a weird animal, man. They're not really a pig. It's called a peccary. It's like a cousin to a pig.

They really look like pigs. Crazy teeth, man. Their teeth sharpen as they open and close their mouth. What do you mean? Their teeth rub against each other like two blades, like sharpening. Whoa. They're razor sharp teeth. It's crazy. Damn.

Yeah, that's what their teeth look like. I hope Stan Hope gets killed by Javelina. Just drunk walking in a dumb suit. That's a real possibility, man. If it's not them, it's the cartel. Oh, no. Just fucking pigs. a dumb suit. That's a real possibility, man. If it's not them, it's the cartel. Oh, no. Just fucking pigs. Not my suit.

What the hell? I can't reach my cigarette. Don't spill the Mai Tai. I was in a safari, and a leopard walked by the Jeep, and it went, Holy shit. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And we were like, oh, oh. And it was salivating like crazy. And then 20 seconds later in a bush, you hear, uh, uh, uh. And we were like, uh. And it was salivating like crazy.

And then 20 seconds later in a bush, you hear, uh, uh, uh. And he went and fucked it. No. Oh, he was in heat. Yeah. Wow. And he went and fucked it. Wow.

That was a mating call. Wow, what a weird mating call. Uh, uh, uh. I've tried it. It doesn't work. That's the end. But safari's crazy because the lions will walk right by you. Fuck that.

And they just know not to eat you. Did you ever see that video of the lady? She's trying to take photos from the car with the windows rolled down. And the cat reaches in and grabs her and pulls her out of the car. Pull it up. It's in Africa. It's a lady. She's in the backseat of a car.

And they tell you to keep your windows rolled up. And she just decides to roll it down to take photos and this lion just pulls her out of the car. Whoa. You saw the one with the Asian guy screaming at his wife. Yeah. She gets out of the car. She gets out of the car in a fucking tiger park to scream. What? And so she gets

jagged. She gets grabbed by this fucking tiger and then the mom comes out to try to save her and the mom gets killed. So she lived. And then the husband starts to get out try to save her and the mom gets killed so she lived and then the husband's like starts to get out like oh yeah i'm free actually yeah damn he should just push her yeah do we have is that a video yeah it's a video it's horrible when you see like cats can't help themselves man if they see you outside here it is oh this is the tiger and she's like you motherfucker i fucking told you I saw your DMs.

So she gets out of the car. He's like, what are you doing? Gets all the way around to yell at him. So she's yelling, and other people are stopping, and then you realize out of nowhere, too late. Like instantaneously. So he runs after it, and then the mom gets out, and she's the one who gets killed. Oh, he can't hang out with mom.

So that lady gets killed. But she's the one who gets killed. Oh, you can't hang out with mom. So that lady gets killed. But she's trying to protect her child, man. Imagine how, like, why did I raise this crazy lady? I raised a crazy person who gets out in a fucking car and is screaming at tigers. The lady, only the mom got killed. This one right here, she got killed. The last one out of the car got killed.

That's got to be the last way you want to die. That's not a good way to die. When they eat your foot off first. Any animal. Yeah, animals. Great way to get out of the car got killed. That's got to be the last way you want to die. That's not a good way to die. When they eat your foot off first. Any animal alive. Yeah, animals. Great way to get out of a relationship. Fight with her in the park with tigers. I know this crazy bitch.

She'll get out of the car. She always gets out. And then Ling Ling will run up and eat her. They'll let you know. They'll get out in traffic. I don't give a fuck. It's the people that would just yell at you in traffic. It works.

I had a girlfriend fall on me because she said, if I got out of the car in the rain, you would come out and chase me, right? And I'm like, no. I'd respect your decision to get out of the car. I hate when they do that. What do you mean, chase you? They didn't come after me. Oh, that's so stupid.

I thought you hated me. Yeah. I had that happen when I was 21. I was dating this girl, and she got mad. She goes, let me out of the car. I go, okay. So I pulled over and let her out of the car, she got out of the car and I drove home fuck you doing And then she called me the next day. She goes why the fuck did you just leave me there?

I go you told me you wanted to get out of the car. I was giving you space I'm trying to be like what am I gonna do say no don't get out of the car other adult that I'm talking to She was like I was attacked by a tiger I've dropped off in Kenmore Square. It's a nice spot Transportation What the hell, Joe? I dropped off in Kenmore Square. It was a nice spot. Uh-oh. Rough area? Plenty of transportation. Nice area. Nothing dangerous about it.

It was just like, come on. I had to take a train home like a peasant. Just someone yelling at you, like, let me out of the car. Like, oh, please get out of the car. Yeah, right. Please. Perfect. Please.

Goodbye. Bye. As soon as you listen, then you listen to your own music. Yeah, fine. Let's rock out. This is the same girl. I was in a car accident with her, and I had a Whitesnake cassette in my car, and she made me leave it in the car.

She's like, don't take that. What? Because I was taking my stuff to leave. She was like, you shouldn't be listening to that. She thought Whitesnake was stupid. Here I go again on my own. Yeah. Catchy tune.

She was into, like, intelligent music. Ah. She was smarter than me. Like what? I don't know. I don't remember. Crap. Some shit.

Some pixies or some shit. Some shit that shows people you're deep. Right. And a cure. Some shit. Some shit that's emotional. I mean, look, man, if you can't appreciate a good fucking Whitesnake video, it's fun. Doesn't mean it's the only thing you like.

Like, you know, I like ice cream, too. I like other stuff. I like stuff. It's nice to eat alone. Some of the stuff I like is dumb. I like South Park. I like things. South Park rules.

They fucking rule. Did you see what they just did? What'd they do? They went at Harry and Meghan. She's suing them. And they're trying to sue them. It's like, don't fucking

kick that hornet's nest. Really? Do not do that. Oh my God, yeah. You're just going to empower them to go harder. Pretty brilliant episode. Not suing, just mad.

Just mad. Oh, okay. They made an official statement that we are angry. Yeah, it says, yeah, we are not suing. It's all nonsense.

What the episode was. Oh, okay. It's exactly what they were making fun of them for. Yeah, they nailed it. And she's mad. Well, you know. You know what the episode was. Oh, okay. It's exactly what they were making fun of him for. Yeah, they nailed it. Well, you know. You know what's going on. Someone wanted a lot of attention and now they got it.

That was the whole episode. That was the ep. Is that what it was? We want privacy and they keep going on every magazine. We're on a privacy tour. Yeah, the Babylon Bee went after him too for that. I love how they just couldn't picture it. We just want to be regular people.

And they're like, wait, no, job? No way. Yeah, go work at a supermarket. I meant pretend regular people. Yeah, be a regular person. Go get a job in an office. That would be an intense level of white guilt. If they just start working.

Fuck, I'm British royalty? Yeah. Yeah. Damn, we did some bad stuff. She's half black. And then the wife convinces you to leave the royal family. Like, I'm out. I don't need you guys.

Which is crazy, because don't you just get free money? Dude, give me my allowance. What do you get when you're a royal? You get a stipend. You get a bunch of cash. What's a stipend? I'm sure it's a million a month. You spend on anything you want?

Yeah, what about the countesses? Do they get paid? Yeah, all of them. That's a good question, right? Like, what's the chart? How far down do you go? Before you're like, you don't get a check anymore. What do you think you get if you're a prince?

What do you think a prince gets? Oh, it's all jewels and rubies and shit. I bet publicly their salary's nothing. Right. But they show. But then, you know, it's all fucking jewels. But there has to be some. They do get paid something, though, right?

Yeah. That they show. I saw one episode of that dumb crown show and it was the queen bitching about how her fucking private yacht is too old and they're going to have to do renovations.

Turn this the fuck off. Why do you care about this? I got in a fight with my girlfriend about that show. I was watching, I started saying up the rock the whole time.

I was like, I'm fucking Irish. Fuck these people. And she made me get a 23 and me. She was like, you're not even Irish. I just did it yesterday.

I put on Braveheart. I was like, you're not even Irish. So I just did it yesterday. I put on Braveheart. I was like, look at this shit, dude. Fuck the British. There you go. There's still tension there. Really? They hate the mix. Definitely. I remember when I went to Belfast. You know, you go to Northern Ireland and they still have cars that are set up for bombs.

What do you mean? They had bomb-proof cars. They had cars that were like the entire car was covered in metal. They had this huge bumper system set up for bombs. What do you mean? They had bomb-proof cars. They had cars that were like the entire car was covered in metal. They had this huge bumper system set up. It was like they're cars for bombs because they might have to deal with the IRA. This is not that long ago. It was there like 2000-ish, somewhere in the 2000s, like 2005, 2006 or something like that we were over there. So even back then, they had these cars that were armored.

I was like, this is wild. And when you talk to people and they talk to you about the horrors that they had, the war between the Protestants and the Catholics. Such a weird one. It gives a fuck. Crazy one. They're the same exact people.

Molotov cocktails coming through. But it just shows you, people can other people so easy. But they're gross gingers. They got other pretty hard by the British. Oh, they're pretty fucking hard. Yeah, like your religion's illegal, people can other people so easy. But they're gross gingers. They got other pretty hard. They're British. Oh, they're pretty fucking hard. Yeah, like your religion's illegal, your music's illegal, everything. Yeah.

The freckles. The freckles. No more shillelaghs? No more leprechauns. Duh. Fuck that. That's our whole culture. We need those fucking leprechauns.

Keebler's donating guns. Well, the Irish are fun Because they don't get offended They're one of the last I mean look at the Notre Dame guy It's a drunk midget With a hat cocked That's so true

You can call them Drunk pedophiles All you want And they have to just take it I have like five cousins With that tattoo There you go Exactly

Everyone has the Notre Dame thing Clover Hell yeah Oh yeah Isn't that funny Because you never see Like a Native American

With a Chiefs tattoo Yeah Look at that guy That's fucking offensive Look at how offensive It is Hey Hell yeah. Oh, yeah, isn't it funny because you never see like a Native American with the Chiefs tattoo Had a conversation with a guy in his life He's got his face you called me gay when you're when you're in Belfast They barely speak English like you barely can understand what they're crazy and And this guy, all he was saying to me, we were both hammered. He's like, I'll fight any man. That's all he kept saying. I'll fight any man, fucking Chocolatel, whoever it is, I'll

fight any man. And I go, I believe you, bro. Let's do another shot. We were getting blasted. They go hard. They go hard. Do not keep up. Guinness and shots. Oh, yeah.

Them and the Scottish, even the British, they all go so fucking hard. They go so hard. British go hard on fucking drugs. They drink so hard. The Germans do. And they love cocaine. They love coke. They love molly.

They know how to deal with the fentanyl shit like we do. Apparently over there, is that dying? Apparently over there, even a lot of the royals are partying. Really? A lot of the politicians party. Everybody knows Boris. What's his name? The guy that's out now?

Karloff. That guy. The vampire. What's his name? I have no idea. Boris Johnson. That guy looks like Trump. That guy partied.

That was the thing about him is that he partied. That's how they ended the COVID lockdowns. They called him a massive party. That's right. He said no party. He goes, you're right. Everybody party. He looks hungover all the time. His hair's all him a massive party. That's what they did. He said no party. He goes, you're right. Everybody party. He looks hungover all the time.

His hair's all fucked up. He looks like Jeff Daniels in Dumb and Dumber. I think he's having a good time. He's out there having a good time. Our pet's heads are falling off. Just give me the goddamn number. I think he's still around. I don't know.

But he's not their guy anymore. He's not. I have no idea what the fuck's going on. Didn't they have a new lady and she quit quick? She took the job for like six weeks and quit? Is that in the UK? Yeah, we were over there. That's right. When we were over there, new lady and she quit quick? She took the job for like six weeks and quit? Is that the UK? Yeah, we were over there. That's right.

When we were over there, the lady had just quit. She was whatever they are, their queen, king, prime minister. It's so funny hearing about their politics and you're like, I don't care at all about it. I don't care about it. I don't care about your party system. They care so much about us. They love us. Yeah.

Well, we're the weirdos that have the bombs that we've launched. But we're the reality TV of news for sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kardashian, the Kanye's. I mean, we got the best stuff. Oh, yeah, we got the weirdos that have the bombs that we've launched. But we're the reality TV of news, for sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kardashian, the Kanye's. I mean, we got the best stuff. Oh, yeah, we got the most stuff. Yeah, we're the wildest to follow. The Musk.

Yeah, and it's also, we have free speech. We've got a lot of weird shit over here. Everybody has guns. Very interesting. Yeah. If you were looking at us from another country's perspective, you're like, what a fucking crazy place. Yeah.

Guns. Free speech. They all have guns. Mental illness. So much mental illness. They celebrate it. A lot of pharma. A lot of drugs. We're not so many homeless people. That's cool. What percentage of

celebrities come out of America worldwide? It's fucking got to be a giant number. And if they don't, they come here. Like all the Canadian funny people come here. There's like three Chinese stars that ever got known here. Well, that K-pop's huge. K-pop. Yeah, they're huge over there.

But like Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee. Jackie Chan, exactly. Who else? I don't know. Yao Ming. Dr. Ken. Yao Ming. Who else?

Dr. Ken. No. The pandas. They're all China. Pandas. Bobby Lee. Who else? You know China leases us pandas?

They lease them. Those are leased to us. We don't own those. They call those back if they want. Yeah. And if we have a panda on our soil, they get it. Wow. Whoa.

That's how it starts. The baby gets born. Yeah, they got it by the balls. Interesting. I think we pay them a million a year each. Wow. Interesting. I love pandas.

I wonder how that really works. After a change of policy in 84, pandas. I wonder how that really works. After a change of policy in 84, pandas were leased instead of gifted. Interesting. Yeah, leased. Leased. We should fucking kill them. Pandas?

Yeah, send a message. We should kill the pandas and be like, all right, we're done. We leased it, but it's damaged. We're not paying the deposit. You guys want to get my kids hooked on TikTok? I'll show you what the fuck I do to pandas. I'm going to fuck these pandas up. Right. Boom, right in the face.

We got them hostage. Yeah. Yeah. They fucked up. Yeah, if there's an animal that represents America, it's funny that it's an eagle. Because eagles are, it's kind of a fucking soulless evil creature. I like that, though. That likes to, you know, eat dead fish.

Have you ever seen an eagle look straight on? In the eyes? They're just like straight forward. They're just dorks. They's dead behind the eyes. Have you ever seen an eagle look straight on? In the eyes? They're just like straight forward. They're just dorks. They don't look regal at all. Really? They're flying reptiles. Franklin was right, dude.

We should have had the turkey. He wanted the turkey. He wanted the turkey. Is that right? Yeah, and they're everywhere. That would have been sick. Didn't he used to be a dog? I think at one point in time it was the dog.

It was like a pit bull. That would have been awesome. That makes more sense. That's cool. I think it was a pit bull. Pit bull would have been really sick. Is that true that America's national animal was a pit bull. That would have been awesome. That makes more sense. I think it was a pit bull. Pit bull would have been really sick. Is that true that America's national animal was a pit bull at one point in time?

I don't think so. It's just the rapper. I feel like there's... It was just in Harlem. Depends where. That guy goes down to some conspiracy rabbit holes. You ever hear of pit bull? No. He goes down to some conspiracy rabbit holes. Those dudes that grew up in Cuba, the guys that come from Cuba, they don't want to hear anybull? No. Yeah, he goes down some conspiracy rabbit holes. Those dudes that grew up in Cuba,

the guys that come from Cuba, they don't want to hear any fucking socialism bullshit. No. Shut the fuck up. Like we had it real? Yeah, all those people that came out of those

Eastern Bloc countries that have experienced actual real communism, they're like, shut the fuck, you can talk to Christina Pazitsky about it, she's like,

shut the fuck up. People whose family came from that part of the world where communism was real And it ruined everything and killed everybody they're like hey you fucking idiots You have no idea what you're calling for what you're asking for and what the history this is worldwide. Yeah zero success stories Zero they're all convinced they're gonna do it right Not only not a success story But like horrific Horrific The worst things possible

Yeah Starved to death People eating their children No accountability The government Elects the government It's my favorite part of Chernobyl Is when they're like

I love how like The Soviet Union handled Like disasters And like there's a guy They bring all the people In the town in And this guy's like Look everything's under control And one guy in the town in and this guy's like look everything's under control

And one guy in the town's like why is the air glowing and they're like get him the fuck out of here Because like everything's fine What is going on in East Palestine right now? I think we might be getting hit with it Yeah, I mean that do you see the videos of people throwing rocks into the water just to see the oil slicks that pull up? No, really cuz they're saying that you know it it only went a certain distance away from the actual spill site. The company's like, no. But people are way far away, and they're experiencing dead animals, dead birds, dead pets. And then people are throwing rocks into rivers, and you see these big, huge chemical circles

where the water gets disturbed. Just like oil slicks. It looks really fucking sketchy. Dead fish everywhere. I think Pete's got it. Yeah, putting Mayor Pete's on the job. Well, he's definitely the most qualified guy for the job. I mean, he's definitely not there for any other reason other than he's amazing.

Are you alluding to something? I'm just saying he's amazing. He's amazing and he's doing a great job. Great job. Yeah. Is there a part of you already as a Jew that's like, yeah, fuck Palestine? Dude, legit a little bit. When I started reading that story, I was like, wait, what?

Here we go. Yeah, right away your hackles are up. Like oil spill. Who gave the Palestinians oil? And a bunch of trains broke. Oh, yeah, you guys hate fucking trains. We hate trains. Good call.

Yeah. Sabotage the trains. It's got to be us. They keep every fucking day. There's like some new explosion in a factory now. Yeah. It's like, am I just noticing it? Is it the effect of like the news is just showing it to you?

Because these things happen all the time. Global warming. But Jamie hit me with a, Jamie, tell me that that say that weird one you said that was bothering me oak ridge oak ridge boys uranium plant on fire right now today says no injuries but uranium fire holy shit at all so uh what's the thing he told me a weird one last night he was like the two the main food sources in the entire world is Ukraine and the Midwest. Really? He's like, now there's a chemical fucking spill in the Midwest.

Sometimes when I see a lot of stories about the same thing, chemical spill, nuclear spill, it's like, oh, I feel like they're prepping us for some level of like, hey, we're going to change the laws on this. And we're just getting everybody ready. Like gun control. That's what's scary, right? They start pushing every shooting at a Seattle bar. They start telling you about all of them.

Interesting. And you're like, oh, they're coming every shooting at a Seattle bar. They start telling you about all of them. Interesting. They're coming with something. That could be. It could be something. Well, there's definitely been times in history where they've done things like that, like where they've blown things up on purpose. Hitler burnt the Reichstag. Nero burnt Rome.

They do false flags to get people to panic, and then they create new laws to clamp down on them. That's a real standard practice that dictators use I don't know they would never use that here in America Alright, yeah, we're better It's like why all the fucking checks and balances are in place in the way the government is run like to prevent that kind of Shit from happening because it happens everywhere people get into power. So you have to have it, like, people are like, well, if the Republicans can control the House, like, no, there has to be fighting.

Everybody has to fight. If they're not fighting, they would be, it would be way worse. If they were all in agreement on everything, it would be fucking terrible for all of us, because they would all eventually pass laws that would give them more and more power. It would be worse. Well, that was the point of the Second Amendment. Yeah. Was just, hey, we need the guns in case the government comes at us.

It's funny that people don't want to believe that. It's just, pay attention to the rest of the world whenever something happens and people have to be locked in their homes. Like, they'd comply. People comply everywhere else but here. Over here, they're like, yeah, I don't like you telling me what to do. Go to the beach. Yeah, why can't I get in the ocean?

Shut the fuck up. You can't tell me what to do. This is crazy. Isn't it from sea to shining sea? Yeah. Fuck. The sea. What about mountains?

Yeah, they sanded over all the skate parks during COVID. Remember that shit? That was wild. Oh, yeah, they took down all the wild. Poured sand in the skate parks. So sad. Yeah. But it's just so bizarre how quickly everything shifted. Bob Lazar.

Bob Lazar. Bob Lazar. Someone should make a song about that. Have you ever watched that guy talk? What do you think? Bob Lazar? Yeah. Yeah, I've seen him.

What do you think? I don't know. When he says he saw that alien that one time, that kind of bothered me. He didn't say he saw an alien. He said he saw something that was in a chair, and then these men were facing it. It was smaller than him. I think he seems like he's telling the truth. Sounds like an illegal Mexican, yeah.

The way he's described it is like it could have been a doll. I don't know what it was. It could have been they were trying to figure out what size these things are. He goes, I'm literally walking by looking at something in a 12 by 8 window. It happens. I don't know. We shouldn't talk about it until something happens. It feels like just a lot of shit.

A lot of jerking off. A lot of jerking. I got a police call on me on New Year's. We do this Ecuador thing where you take an effigy, put a straw in a shirt and jeans, and you light it on fire and jump over it. Wait, what? What? Yeah. It's just an Ecuadorian tradition. Were you in Ecuador when this happened? No, we were in Staten Island. Put it like straw and like a shirt and jeans and you light it on fire jump over. Hey, what what yeah?

We were doing this just an Ecuadorian tradition. We're gonna ruin that in Ecuador with that. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I see. I'll be international. They call the cops on us. They were like you Report somebody's burning a body alive To do a bohemian Grove What when they would go to Moloch the owl God when all the fucking elites like fucking Nixon and Ford and Reagan They would go to this Bohemian Grove and one of the things they would do is they would burn this effigy That was supposed to represent a body They were all dressed like Druids and shit in front of his video of it Alex Jones got video pull it up Nixon called a gay

He said it's the faggiest thing he was talking about how the people behave there apparently these guys would go there and just fuck each other yeah just go up with it was in Northern California which is why there's a lot of gay folk up in that region of the world sure so this place was their spot where all these elites would go and they would party. That's so great. That's what Bohemian Grove was. Paint up like gold.

Yeah, pull up Nixon's account of Bohemian Grove. Where's the lighter? Who's got the lighter? Ari. Nixon's phone calls are fun, too. A lot of N-word. Really? Oh, it's full Michael Richards.

Wow. There it is. So he's talking about it. Nixon and Tate discuss homosexuals. Let's look at Northern Carolina. You understand? Yeah. You know what's happening in San Francisco?

San Francisco is gone. It's clear over the side of the net, but it isn't. It isn't just down in the ragged part of town now. But the upper class in San Francisco is that way. The union drove that I attended. One time at a time. The Lillian Grove that I attend, on time to time, the Easters and the others have come there. But it is the most faggot government

in the entire nation. It's just terrible. That San Francisco growl goes there. It's just terrible. I mean, they don't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. Jesus. I mean, I won't shake hands with anybody from San Francisco. That place that they would go to, they would all dress up like they were druids.

There's video footage of it. It's the craziest thing ever. Can we see it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. John Ronson and Alex Jones snuck in. What? Yeah, yeah. It was like 2000.

It was a long-ass time ago. Prove it. So this is what it looks like there's a giant owl God statue and they burn this effigy in front of the giant owl God that's supposed to be representative of a sacrifice original burning person just go to Epstein's Island at this point. At least you get laid. Just take a flight. How many more of these two places? There's probably a shitload of those places we don't know about yet. The eyes wide shut places? Definitely. Yeah, I mean, when did we learn about Epstein's Island?

I heard about it from Alex Jones. Ten years ago. A long time ago. That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. There's a place where they take politicians and movie stars and they compromise them with underage girls. Really? An island?

There's a whole, somebody owns an island? You ever hear Bobby Lee talking about that? No. He said he got invited to a party early on, like in stand-up, and there was like, there's somebody's house in the hills and it was like all the top level celebrities, like Leo and like everyone like that. Yeah. And then some guy was like, do you want to go in?

He goes, no, because if they ask me to get in the tub with them, I'm going to go down this road. Jeffrey Epstein was accused of self trafficking, sex trafficking, young girls on his mysterious private Island over 40 years ago, a different millionaire escaped justice in a stunningly similar case. It's probably how they've always done it. Oh yeah.

If you just think about it, if you want to get these world leaders on your side the best ways to Compromise them have a bunch of dirt on yeah, right and then getting in that way does that right videotapes fucking senators and like getting hookers Do they think it's like we have you when there's a little mob the mob big I got to stop playing Vegas of course the old old Vegas back when they were running it dirty running Yeah cameras and the internet. Cell phone cameras ruined a lot of fun. And, you know, the internet.

Yeah, I think about it every time I whack off. What do you mean? Someone's watching you. Man, if this camera catches my bad face, it could ruin you with that face. Somebody's watching me. And it knows what you're Googling, too. Oh, yeah. I don't even go privacy.

How long before there's zero privacy? How long before anyone could look at anybody's phone and all information, they can't stop it. Technologies just reach this point where all data and all numbers are just available to everybody at every time. No privacy. Everybody knows where you're going to be.

You can't lie. You can't avoid people. Oh, so sorry, my mother-in-law's in town. Really? I see her pin on your phone. Gotta go. My Google Glass Yeah, can't avoid people. Oh, so sorry my mother-in-law's in town really My Google has to say you're lying Like their temperature and yeah, you know some people when they're in relationships They'll turn their location services on yeah, they're they're significant other contract them where yeah friends that do that Yeah, I was like dude. You got to never, you got to stop.

That's terrifying. The owner of the Omaha Funny Bone does that with her kids. It's one thing with your kids, but when you're doing it with your wife or you're doing it with your, or, you know, it just seems crazy. Well, it's just such a lack of trust. Yeah, it's just very weird. You're following where they are all the time. That would make me not want to be with someone. It's a mid be with someone to midnight like what are you doing? Where are you?

Well, this isn't fun. No some people want on to me. Some people want that kind of relationship They want someone like controlling them. Yeah, they want a parent again Like they had a parent and then they want a parent again if you put it that way I kind of like it Yeah, dominating woman. Yeah I don't want to play an Xbox. You want your dick sucked? Spank me? Spank my flat ass?

Do you want your dick sucked or not? Clean your fucking room. Ooh, I like that. Make me suck your high heel. What? Ew. Ew, all the fucking things she stepped in. Yeah.

Come on, bro. Yuck-a-roo. What kind of bacteria is on that? I do do the old fish hook on the lady, and I'm just thinking about the subway pole and whatnot. You fish hook your lady when you wash your hands first? Fuck it from behind? Jesus. Fish hook is a weird move.

Just like at dinner and shit. I'm going to order the salmon. Can I get that old flamer? He's got it. People are into weird shit. Oh, yeah. They really are. Choking.

I'm not good with the dirty talk. I'm afraid I'm in this. I've never even tried. Dirty talk's insane. Dirty talk sucks. With this voice and the comedic rhythm. I feel like such a loser. Part of the problem is we're comics.

Yes. So we know how ridiculous it is. What are you, a whore? You dirty. Oh, you're a whore. You call that a pussy, you fat skank? Nice pussy, you drunk bitch. Some people put on wigs and they play roles.

Some people pretend to be the UPS driver delivering a package. Yeah, that's alarming. They're out of town. Yeah, then when you're out of town. The actual fucking thing happened. Why did you use my name as the same guy as his? What the fuck? Tim? Tim is the actual UPS driver's name.

No, we're not doing that. You just want to fuck me, Tim, the guy who works Tuesdays? Come on, it's a fantasy, baby. I'm going to call you Tim. Yeah, I've never been with a woman that was into any role playing. Here's my fantasy. I feel like an idiot. Dirty talk is woman that was into any role playing. Here's my fantasy. I feel like an idiot. You feel like it's current?

Not the role playing, but I would feel stupid dressing up as a busboy. Oh my god, imagine if that was a thing. We have to keep this fresh. Lingerie's retarded. For sure, full costume. I don't mind it. It looks hot. I think you just take it off right away. I don't mind it. I don't mind it. It looks hot. Although it does match.

Then you just take it off right away. Take it off right away. And then she has to take it off, too. I'd like to role play with my lady having some money. I get it. That's the role play? That's a weird role. That kind of relate when the lady has all the cash?

That's a good role play. Yeah, that's hot. Hey, thanks for paying the rent again. Exactly. In this wild world. Thanks for picking up this check. This is hot. Remember when I bought dinner last night?

That was fucking crazy. I paid for dinner and I was laying in bed last night and I was like, that's it though. Once you pay for dinner, it's like literally a five minute period where people are like, thanks. Oh, thanks man. That was really cool. And then it's nothing. The only good thing is-

I was like, I'm just going to keep bringing it up. You don't have to pay for the next one. The next day I'll be like, damn, that was an expensive dinner. That was nice I did that. The only good thing is... I was like, I'm just going to keep bringing it up. You don't have to pay for the next one. The next day, I'll be like, that was an expensive dinner. That was nice I did that. The pork chop. But you're good for the next few because you got that one. That's the thing you get. We'll see.

Not with you two cheap fucks. I would have paid for breakfast. I've never... This is crazy. This guy's the Bruce Lee. You guys are unbelievable. You're cheap as fuck, dude. Mark's cheaper than me.

Mark's like, it's free. You got to take it. It's free. I look up to Mark. I can't as fuck, dude. Mark's cheaper than me. Mark's like, it's free. I gotta take it. I look up to Mark. I can't waste shit. Yeah. We got a little stipend with the old hotel. Thank you. And I'm gonna eat all of it.

I'm gonna get shit to go, bring it on the plane. Yeah, it's crazy. I can't let it go. It's crazy. I get it. All right. I get it. No, but if there's like free green room stuff, he takes it.

It stays in your head. Oh, yeah. I got a pocket full of hotel soap. No, this is not growing up poor. This is mental illness. This is crazy shit. Hotel soap is where I draw the line. You don't use hotel soap?

Hotel soap? No. I'll take hotel soap. I'll bring my own hotel soap. I'll bring my own soap. You bring your own soap? What? Sometimes, yeah.

Lava? No, defense soap. I wear a special kind of soap. It's like a soap that's designed for grapplers. It keeps you from getting... Smell me. Smell good, right? It makes you smell good.

Smell hot. Tea tree oil, eucalyptus and shit. It's a special kind of soap that prevents you from getting like... You can get like staph infections and ringworm and shit like that. It helps protect you from that. Okay. You don't want to rub away all your natural oils. It's natural oil. Okay. It's got all kinds of good natural oils It's a natural soap smells good, too

And you know like there's certain stuff like certain soaps You're getting a lot of perfumes. Yeah, those perfumes will fuck with your skin tell soap boys They're kind of the dry your skin out sometimes. Big draw. I'm ashy. But you take them home? Not as ashy as his grandparents. I'll take a ton. Oh, Jesus Christ.

He survived it. Oh, all right, all right. Jesus Christ. I don't like that talk. Jesus Christ. Mark, I don't like that talk, and I'm not a part of it. Won't happen again. It's impossible to avoid.

I can't believe you said that. The kid can't stop himself. Free Palestine, Ohio. The kid can't stop himself Free Palestine, Ohio He can't stop He can't stop himself Free Palestine Yeah, I mean, how does this fucking play out? You know, they weren't even going to give him FEMA money

Until Trump decided to go down there Really? I'm sure they would say That's misinformation and propaganda But they had denied them I heard the There's also the other side Where the governor was like

I'm denying it. I think he's a Republican governor. Why would he deny it? Maybe we're wrong. Maybe the reason why is because they want liability from the company and the company to pay for everything. Maybe it's that. Apparently the railroad

that they were transporting those chemicals on was not set up for hazardous materials. Are you peeing already? Come on, old man. that they were transporting those chemicals on was not set up for hazardous materials. They're trying to cut costs. Are you peeing already? No, it's early. You really peeing? No, it's okay.

Let him pee. Go ahead and pee. This is bad. It's okay, buddy. Don't let him fuck with you. You got those fresh sunglasses on, man. Be a boss. Go out there and piss.

You look like a police drawing of a pedophile. Look at this. What do you look like? It made me make a... Do you hear the noise I made? It's like the Pillsbury. Do you hear a pedophile?

I'm always just happy when Ari's going to the actual restaurant. I'm always happy when he leaves. May I? Keep him coming there, slumby, sloppy.

I think this episode, Mark gets fucked up. Mark's under the radar every episode. He's already ready to roll. Yeah, he tossed in the Holocaust joke. I think he episode, Mark gets fucked up. Mark's under the radar every episode. He's already ready to roll. Yeah, he talks about the Holocaust joke. He's making ashy jokes. Hell yeah.

The Jews had a good time. Like, I mean, the Kanye, I think people propped up the Jews for a second. His special did well. We had to pretend to like him. It was what a perfect timing for his special. Beautiful. I mean, it was like a cultural moment. Like the universe gave him a window.

Whoop, go right here. Go right through. It was like Ronnie Chang with Stop Asian Hate. That helped him. Well, he was around before Stop Asian Hate. But that really... Did it? Oh, yeah.

Yeah? He's funny, too. He is funny. He's really funny. He's a very good comment yeah but he was he was before stop Asian hate his big special came out that was like right that was like in the Netflix specials yeah 2016 17 17 yeah yeah great guy good fucking dude good egg funny motherfucker yeah nice I like when we do that it It feels weird without Ari, doesn't it?

I love it. Less anxiety in the room. God, when he's fucking hitting you with the let's go hiking, let's fucking... What do you think that's all about? I don't think he even likes it. I think he likes saying he likes hiking. He likes nature. Ah, I like what you're saying. That's what bothers me. I like what you're saying. That's what annoys me. He's like, I gotta leave the country.

It's like, you don't like leaving the fucking country. You like saying you left the country. That's me being an asshole because Ari's very close friend think you might be honest. He's like, I gotta leave the country. He goes to Guatemala. You don't like leaving the fucking country. You like saying you left the country. Ooh. That's me being an asshole because I was his very close friend. That might be, you might be honest. I'm gonna say it to his face. He goes to China for a year. There's something about what you're saying that's resonating with me.

It's like getting in a cold plunge. You know, it's like you can only do it for so long. You pretend you like it. Well, you gotta make it your personality if you cold plunge. Right. Everybody goes all in. It's like yoga or vegan diet. Yes. Hey, that's yoga. You keep talking about it. We, you got to make it your personality if you cold plunge. Right. Everybody goes all in. It's like yoga or vegan diet. Yes.

You keep talking about it. We get it, Huberman. What's Trump doing? Uh-oh. He was at Palestine today. Hold on. Of course he was. Look at him.

Look at all those guys in the background. Who do you think that guy with the mustache is voting for? It ain't Biden. It ain't Hillary. Look at him. It's a costume. It's like a Guess Who character. Look at that mustache.

That guy's got a lot of guns. Damn, look at all those guys. They all look the same. Even the woman looks the same. Look at that fucking lunch lady. She's got bitter beer face. What is he saying? I just said finish.

I'll go back. There's their leader. Who's that guy? Just the normal dude. They're like, our leader. The most handsome man in the world. But Biden made it. I want to thank those of you that helped.

John Rourke, who's fantastic, blue line moving. Is John here? Hello, John. Good job. Got a lot of trucks coming up with water, right? That's true. You're a fantastic guy. Friend of my son, Don, who's also here.

Where's Don? Good job. Did you get him to do that? I think so. I think it was a 95% voter rate for Trump in Ohio. He helps. Thank you very much, John. Appreciate it.

What? Two fellas moving company. That can't be true. Pull it up. He's helping. It's a swing state. He's giving shout outs. Palestine.

Oh, okay. He's giving shout outs to all the people that delivered water. The new, the MAGA hats with the giant font is so fucking funny. They went even harder. Dude, when I went to- They went harder. I think I told you. When I was in Mar-a-Lago, every dude there was wearing a flat brim that said M-A-G-A,

like a bedazzled MAGA hat. Oh my God. It was fucking crazy. What is Mar-a-Lago like? So sick. I tried to pretend. I was like, as soon as I got in there i was like yo this is it no oh i got in somebody i knew there worked whoa with the trumps wow they came to my show and then

we got drunk and they're like do you want to come to mar-a-lago i was like yeah i thought they were full of shit the next day they're like all right we'll pick you up you gotta go past like armed guards like we gotta get this guy on the list. But yeah, then you get in there and it's a bunch of old billionaires. Like dudes. Is it a country club? It's very small. It's a community? It's very small. There's one spa. There's that big room.

And he lives there. Yeah, he lives in a wing. Which is so wild. He lives in a place where people can visit. And then everyone sits in that patio restaurant area and they're like, he might come out today. Oh, my God. He might come out today. And that room is hilarious.

And everybody, look how beautiful. It's so grand. It's so grand. There's a solid gold constitution. Old rich people money. That's pretty. That's a beautiful place. Welcome to Mar-a-Lago, the crown jewel of Palm Beach.

It's got to be a golf course. No, no golf course. Palm Beach is close to Wow, look at that Wow Close to West Palm, right? We should have a show there It is, yeah

It is I thought the mellow mushroom We should do a show That's beautiful We were talking about doing Protect Our Parks and Trump would just set us up a studio

Yeah Just don't even say we're there He would do it Just a bunch of palm trees behind us Just doing it We didn't even have to tell anybody we were

there. See a baby being led away from sacrifice. Just we'll occasionally talk about Florida. Florida's great. We had a great meal last night. Where the fuck are you? It was something about, I forget what it is, he had like a giant flag in the front of it and there was like laws

saying your flag couldn't be that tall so he elevated the land. So he elevated like a hill to put the flag on it's about loopholes it's crazy big loophole guy you tell him you can't have a flag high shut the fuck is this thick itself is it stopping planes like what are we doing maybe yeah everyone I mean in that area everyone loves that guy look at it yeah Is it stopping planes? Like, what are we doing? Maybe. Is it an eyesore? No, it's not that big. Yeah. I mean, in that area, everyone loves that guy. Look at it.

Yeah, you had to elevate the ground. Oh. Smart move. It is a good move. It's a good hack. It was weird, though. It was very uncomfortable. In what way?

Just seeing rich people. Weird dudes wearing a MAGA hat. Weird old MAGA hats. It's a lot. With like a blazer and like a polo. Oh, that is weird. Yeah. It's a weird combination of like formal dress and baseball hat.

And then just a ridiculous hat. It's true. A ridiculous hat. No one's ever done that before Trump. Like in terms of like a politician, like when he was on television, he had a bad hair day. Just slap on the old MAGA hat. Right. What are you going to do?

Yeah, you never saw Reagan in a hat. A baseball hat? If he was in a hat, it would probably be like a cowboy hat. Let it slide. Pretend to be a cowboy. Yeah, he's pretending. Like George W. Oh, yeah.

George W. from Connecticut? Maine. Yeah? They're from Maine. He's got a bunk port. They're from fucking Maine. There, Reagan with a cowboy hat. He's a handsome man. Yeah, he rocks. Ooh, Trump dog. fucking Maine. They're Reagan with a cowboy hat. Yeah, he's a handsome man.

Yeah, he rocks. Ooh, Trump dog. Uh-oh. Trump with a fucking cowboy hat. Wow. No neck. Hey. Clinton had a cowboy hat.

They all rock. That finger stinks. Hey. It's just for all their tourists or whatever. Yeah. It's just every time they come to Texas. It's just like Tony. I look like you.

Reagan. It's funny. He's old there. I don't know anything, but I've been watching. Dude, on the plane I was watching the fucking, I've been watching the Ken Burns Vietnam. Heavy stuff. God damn, dude. I cried on the plane like a fucking idiot.

Oh, is that why you cried? Watching a PBS doc. I thought you were out of meatballs. Mark, if you're going to say nasty stuff. I'm sorry. That's pretty funny. That was a nice ride, though. I can remember when the Vietnam War ended.'s pretty funny. That was a nice ride, though.

I can remember when the Vietnam War ended. Really? Yeah, I was a little kid. I was living in San Francisco, and I remember thinking, thank God we're never going to do a war again. Thank God it's over while I'm a child. I remember thinking that. Yeah. Boy, glad they figured this out.

That was long. It was so- Nine years? Dude, from day one, they were like, we're not going to win. Yeah. From day one. They just had to be there? McNamara's in there with LBJ like, we're not going to win. Yeah. From day one. They just had to be there? McNamara's in there with LBJ like, this is never going to work.

Yeah. And they just kept doing it. A lot of heroin out there. Oh, my God. I mean. Why this day? Hold on. It had to be a part of what was going on.

I was drinking on the plane, and while watching this, I drunk texted my uncle who got wounded in Vietnam. I was like, where'd you get hurt? It's like a crazy text to send. Oh, my God. And then he explained how he got hurt, and it was like, whoa. I went to the Puchitur. How did he get hurt?

He was a forward observer for his group. It was the Battle of, fuck, I'll find it. But it was 200 U.S. soldiers surrounded by about 3,000 Vietcong or RVN and then He was the forward observer that was calling in coordinates, so they were all trying to get him he would they got him They hit him with an RPG eventually, but he was he was the one up front calling in the gunships calling the artillery Where to go and rock and propel to go? Rocket propeller grenade. Oh, yeah.

See it all. Wow, like a spotter and crew. There he is. That's not right? I'm just asking. That's a Gillis. Drang Valley incident, 1965. Google Gillis, Vietnam.

No, his last name's not Gillis. What's crazy is the Vietnamese don't even hate Americans. No, they hate the Chinese way more. That shit's all past them. Who doesn't? They call it the American War. It was the Battle of Hill 102, a.k.a. the Battle of Quezon Valley. 65 Americans killed, 200 Americans surrounded by 2,000.

But then I was a little buzzed. I'm asking him fucked up questions. I'm like, what's it like? What's it like a broadest question? He said what happens is you enter a zone where you just shut down your emotions and focus on what you need to do to survive And protect your man no time to process feelings. There's enormous chaos, but you were acutely aware of everything at least that was my experience Wow, this is a wild response. Yeah I thought you were just gonna say that at one point there were waves of MVA running towards us, but my sole focus was to stop them from getting too close with a gunship known as Spooky.

I mowed them down as they advanced. Without the relentless stream of fire from Spooky, we would have been overrun. Thank God for Spooky. Gunship. God, damn. Wow. Gunship saying, fire to this area and fucking light it up. I was talking to him.

He said, I was the forward observer, so my job was to keep artillery jet strikes and gunship fire raining down on the enemy. Does he want you reading this on air? It'll be alright. That's why they were trying to get through me and take me out, which they eventually did, but I took a lot of them out first. I was like, holy shit. Drinking, watching the documentary on my phone like, damn. Smoking a joint with that

guy on a porch? He'll tell you. My other uncle was in Vietnam and was like... It's the gunship. There it is. Spooky! Yeah. Wow.

Spooky! My other uncle was in Vietnam and he never talks about it. Yeah. That guy, if you ask me, he's... They downed Spooky. Look at that. Ouch. 1968, February 15th.

Nine killed in downing of Spooky gunship. To the Spook. To the Spooky. Spooky. Cheers, Spooky. Wow. Aye, aye, aye. Well, at downing of spooky gunship. To the spook. To the spooky. Spooky. Cheers. Spooky. Wow. Aye, aye, aye. Well, at least he's still with us. What a fucked up war that was. I think Segura's dad was a nom.

What a terrible fucking dumb war. Silly. Waste of time. Not only a dumb war, but a dumb war that was that came about because of a false flag. Tonkin? Yeah, Gulf of Tonkin. They lied about an incident to try to get us into the war. Yeah. It's fucking crazy.

That's like what we were talking about before with false flags. They really happened. They did. They used to do them all the time. What did you say? You said they wouldn't do them here? It's like that's what they did. Yeah, they 100% would.

Lesser known fact that Jim Morrison's father, Captain George Stephan Morrison commanded the carrier division during the Gulf of Tonkin incident. CIA. The Gulf of Tonkin incident famously gave the Johnson administration the justification they needed to escalate the Vietnam War. J.R.R. Tonkin. Oh, it's his dad. Imagine that, and your dad becomes break on through to the other side. I know, that's why he went so counterculture. Your son, rather, becomes that.

Yeah, he's making the music they're playing in the fucking helicopters. Wow, day to day. Great music. Great tunes. The 60s was the best music. Yeah, they got the music. They had a lot of shit to deal with. That was the first time I grew up.

A lot of shit to deal with and a lot of drugs. Sure. The drop off is is so stark the difference between music and and automobile design yeah once they illegal make drugs illegal like american automobile design turned to dog shit oh yeah straight dog shit by about 73 went no before then it was literally like the 71 model years, the last good year for muscle cars. And only for Barracudas and Challengers. Barracuda.

By the time they got to Camaro 71, they were already fucked. Mustang became, in the 80s, became a dumb hatchback. Terrible piece of shit car. It wasn't at all muscly. Yeah, but back in the 60s, they were the most magnificent cars of all time. Those guys nailed it. 67 and a half Mustang. They nailed it.

69. But then once the Schedule I Drug Act happened in 1970. So you gotta realize in 1970 they're already making the 1971 model. Right. So you got the 1971 which is like the last good year. Everything else is dog shit. But how do you explain Europe? Because Europe cars look great in the 60s

and suck in the 70s. Yeah. And they didn't have a Vietnam. Well some of the best Porsches are like 73, 74. They had some amazing Porsches. That's true. Then that little 911 that they made back then was so light. Is that what you got? 911?

2002. I got a Beamer. He's got that beautiful little Beamer. That's 2002. Pull it up. Oh, my God. It's a great little car. That's a 73.

But that's a car that could save Beamer. That's such a zippy little car. Oh, it's a go-kart. It's a little box. Oh, my God. Yeah, you're scooting around, and it's almost like a smart car. It's so small. Yeah, four-cylinder engine. It's so light.

Yeah, that's a great, great old car, man. Someone was going to do those cars and put modern M2 engines in them. I know we've looked at this. I think we have. I think every episode. Look at it. It's a fucking beautiful car. And then I know we've looked at this. I think we have. I think every episode. Look at it. It's fucking beautiful. And then I go, I have a Chevy Cruze, and then you go, let's get you a cool car.

You need a cool car. And then I go, Chevy Cruze is cool. Oh, you're right. Yeah, but it's not real. And what about R. Kelly? We bring up R. Kelly. We are redundant as fuck. We'll bring up Kanye and cut it out.

Kanye, no, this time we don't have to cut it out. Yeah. He's back. Yay, rules. He's back. We're with Adidas. He's back again? And we got a Jew here.

Yeah, he was fine for like two weeks. People were like, oh, let's move on. Can I get that lighter? That's true. But he's still removed from all social media, isn't he? He'll be back. He'll be back. Yeah.

Really? Yeah. His company's like, hey, dude, just chill out for a minute. He seems like a tough hang. You had him on here. Was he kind of a nightmare? He's, you know, he's mentally ill genius. Sure.

He can spew out, he can rant for hours. It's like having a conversation with him, like dial him into a conversation. It's like a volley, a back and forth volley is kind of difficult. Yeah. He just wants to rant. It doesn't sound like he would just be like, how's the barbecue here? Right. None of that.

No. Nothing of that. Say, I'm Walt Disney. Oh, interesting. Exactly. I'm Ford. I'm Steve Jobs. Yeah.

Exactly. All right. H2Z was pretty good. Right. That was pretty awesome. Yeah. All day. Cold Digger.

Yeah. Look, he's got amazing songs. Black Skinhead is one of the greatest fucking opening beats of any song ever yeah that power that allowed him

to like create that kind of music is also like what fucks him up with like rants yeah

he winds up saying some things that are not really that thought out you got that right what's that like I think he's funny the way he like

dances around it do you think like the Adidas thing is the wildest shit ever? He'll be back. Everybody cut ties with him. You think they'll be back with him? Wait, isn't Jamie, isn't that going on? I heard they're already back. Kanye and Adidas are back on.

According to the internet. He's quoting. He can't say that. That's crazy. It's been rumors online. Kanye and Adidas partnership could be back on. It hurts his flat, according to the internet. Yeah.

Less than two weeks ago, it was revealed that German sportswear label could lose up to $1 billion in revenue as a result of the split. According to the industry analysts gauging leftover stock, rumors are now suggesting that it all is not lost between the pair. These rumblings are coming from ardent Yeezy fans wishing for their faves to reunite, not from Yee or Adidas themselves. Oh, fuck that. That's not real. Also, it's got to feel good for the Jewish community to be like, nah, these Germans are losing

a fucking billion dollars. That's right. We went up the wrong source. We got you in the end. That's what's crazy. He was out alive, but you guys were started by Nazis. Literally literally i lost a job over uh a fucking some racist tweet a long time ago about ibm they were like you can't do an ibm commercial and i'm like you made remember what you guys did you made processing to let the jews get processed faster that's why they can't have

any more that was the last straw yeah they said. What was the tweet? Here we go. Oh, God. I bet it wasn't funny. Yeah. Let's nip it. It wouldn't hold up. It wouldn't hold up now. What's wrong with that?

This was 10 years ago. I bet IBM was right. What is that? You spazzing, throwing shit. What do you got, whippets? Yeah. No, you sick fuck. You have whippets? What are you talking about? Did you got, whippets? Yeah. No, you sick fuck. No, you have whippets?

What are you talking about? Did you really bring whippets? Just some whippets, bro. This sick son of a bitch. Dude, those give you brain damage. Hand it over. You don't need that in your life. I'm not throwing a whippet.

It's been a minute. You're going to do whippets? What are you, 12? I used to do whippets when I worked at Newport Creamery. Yes. When I worked at an ice cream store. With the whipped cream. With the whipped cream thing.

Yeah, we did that. I didn't like it. Oh, it's the best. It just gives you a headache. It's not really great radio. What a fun surprise, though. I came out of a Whippet and I heard somebody go, one for 10, three for 20. You have a machine?

Look at you, you have little gauges and shit. Where do you buy this? Any head shop. What's wrong with you? What if it explodes? What if it explodes? It's compressed gas. What if that explodes and you lose your fingers?

Oh, you're gonna do it out of a balloon? I'm so excited you're doing a whippet, dude. Why are you excited about this? I'm happy he's doing it. I'm not. Why don't you just suck on it? Why do you have to use the balloon? And he saw us on the stoop right by the cellar. He goes, like the older comics, he goes, Are you guys doing whippets on a stoop?

These are dark days. Tell me what the whippets do. It just makes everything giggly for a minute. But doesn't it give you brain damage? For like 30 seconds. Google does whippets give you brain damage. No, don't do that while you're doing drugs. Do it after he does it.

I need to know because I'm considering doing it. Ooh, you should definitely do a whippet. Whoa! Easy big fella. Don't do a whippet. No, you need to know how to take the edge off. I know. That's what I'm saying, right? Yeah, this is a cold plunge in one hand. I take it back.

I take it back. Please do a whippet, dude. Let's go. Yeah. Let's go. Is this legal? No. Yeah, it's legal.

You get them at head shops. No. No? You're going to forget how to play pool. Okay, do whippets kill brain cells? Researchers have made clear that whippets can deprive the heart and brain of much-needed oxygen. Fuck it. Oh, all right.

Temporarily. So does everything. What if you're into choke sex? Ah, exactly. Whoa, he did it! The whole thing? He's going to faint. What's it doing to you?

Wouldn't it be great if he was hilarious? Like it turned him funny? What is he doing to you? No. This is going to be a Guinness record for the oldest Jew to do a Whippet. Absolutely. Can you describe it? Can you describe it?

Whoa, he's gone! Look how hard he's laughing. Oh, this is going to help your IBM sales. IBM was right, dude. Irritable bowel. Memory loss, vitamin B depletion, long-term depletion causes brain and nerve damage. Oh, wow, he's fucked up. Fuck it, dude.

It can be both illegal and dangerous. Using nitrous can have serious health consequences, including seizures, permanent nerve damage, and even death. Seizure salad. We did that one before. How was it? We did the exact one. Julius seizure.

All right, I'm back. So what did it do for you? Stop repeating puns. You're still going? No, it's just so stupid. Is it over? I don't want you to have a Hamlin. Oh, my God.

So what happened? The Hamlin. You just start going. Jamie's done him. He's done him. He's fine. It's just like, I know what it's like.

You were on a planet about it. It's like, what did it do? Try to explain what it did. It just makes everything warbly. Warble, warble, warble. And then it just like, I don't know, you just start laughing. Are you back, Hundo? I'm back, Hundo.

All right. Good to have you back, fucking hat. So you feel dumber or what? No, I feel fine. You don't feel like giving a brain damage? I was always pretty dumb. I do like 30 whippets. You're going to do another one?

No, I'm going to light it up for somebody else. It's all boxed. It's like in a sleeve of Oreos. This is highly illegal, I think. It's not illegal at all. You can buy it at any head shop. I think it's illegal. Whippet wave washes campus. Whomp whomp.

That's true. That's going to fuck someone up on a whippet. Oh my god. They call them whomps. Look at that. Whomps. That's why I know. Okay, for years, nitrous oxide has been used for quick highs, also known as laughing gas, whippets, or womps among students. Tulane.

The use and abuse of the inhalant is growing. Oh, shit. They're hot right now. How illegal is it? We'll be all right. He bought them. We'll be all right. Just blur it out.

I'm not doing that shit. Just hold on to it, though. You can at least hold on to it. No, I know what you're doing. You can at least hold on to it. You're going to what you're doing. You can at least hold on to it. You're going to make me hold it, and then you're going to call me gay, and I'm going to do it. You are gay.

You got it down. I'm not going to do it. You know the pattern. I'm going to stand my ground on this. No, you got to try. You can't be that gay. At least hold it. What about like a halfie?

Can I do a halfie? You got to do the whole thing. It's not that big. It's not that big a deal. It's not that big a deal, says Ari. All I'm saying I want to do is have a seizure on the fucking chair. If I say the Edward, a seizure on the... If we lost Norman because of this...

A major enabler of Whippet uses accessibility. The minimum age requirement to purchase a Whip cream charger is either 18 or 21, depending on the state. In New Orleans, Whippets are widely available in areas where students frequent. My friends did them growing up.

What do I do? I just inhale? Hold on, I'll do it with up. What do I do? I just inhale? You're fine. Hold on. I'll do it with you. It's hard. You got to do the whole thing? It says long-term use can lead to vitamin B12 deficiency, which also leads to neuropathies. Long-term use. We'll end this podcast once in a while.

Numbness, trouble walking, irritability, fatigue. Yeah, but that's like if you're doing it every day. This is bad. You'll be totally fine. But your dad's a rabbi. He didn't want to see you doing this shit. It's very cold on the hands. This guy was in Hebrew school. Are you doing it? I guess.

Wait, hold on. I'll come with you. I don't think it's legal. It's totally legal. Jamie, is it legal? I can. It's a lot of air. You got it. I'm not a lawyer. Spy balloon. Maybe we just, like, shouldn't put a video on them while they're doing it. I'm not. So he can deny. Deny, like, shouldn't put a video on them while they're doing it. I'm not. So we can deny.

Deny, deny, deny. They're just breathing in the helium. Make a theater. March 24th, New York City. Norman, how is it? Norman, isn't it good? Is it good? It's just blurry and scary.

Scary? This is bad. Is it bad? This is bad. It's blurry and scary. I went to a dark place. You guys are afraid of the gravity bombs. Are you doing fucking whippets?

I'm not doing fucking either, bro. Don't do it. It's bad. It's crazy. These suck. Yeah. Let's do coke next time. Yeah.

That's way better. Next time. We got it here. These suck. Yeah. Let's do Coke next time. Yeah. That's way better. Next time. We got it here. I would do it. I would not do it. I don't do that stuff. Anyway, my uncle was surrounded by fucking Charlie. And Harold.

That's crazy. What was his, did you ever talk to him about his transition period from coming back? What? He transitioned? He had a tough time. Yeah, that must have been hard. He came back. Yeah.

I was just joking. It's funny to talk about a serious subject. Ari's doing real good. I think we had enough. Ari has not had enough. He's going to keep going. You just gave me this. I can't remember yesterday.

So you didn't like it? I don't like it. I just got real blurry and my brain went away for like two seconds. Interesting. Not a fan. No. I didn't laugh. Oh, man.

You didn't get enough in. You got brain damage, bro. I was doing it with Sal. Sal breathed a little bit in, and he's like, it's not working. My voice is exactly the same. You're going to count, Sal. Helium. Good comedy club. Hey. He's going to tie it up forium. Good comedy club.

Hey, hey. He's going to tie it up for later. There you go. Put that in your ass. Good luck untying that. You ever untie a balloon? It's almost impossible. You got to do it halfway. Yeah, the old balloon knot.

Whoever came up with balloon knot was nailed it. Hilarious. You tried to show me your butt this morning, dude. I did try to show you my butt. I knocked on his door. He was fucking assing me. That old Jewish dick was out there. That thing's fucking...

I've been out of here. Nice blows. Big old... Big dick. That thing looked like my boner. That thing, that was hurtful. He's got big balls, too. Yeah, he's got a giant, saggy dick and nuts.

They sag so hard. And then he was like, wait, wait, I want to show you. He was trying to show me his asshole. I was like, dude, fuck no. Shane knows. He didn't wait at all. Yeah, you got a big old. Don't you have like a disastrous asshole?

It's the worst. You have like an East Palestine asshole. It's the worst one. Get Pete Buttigieg to look at it. Pete Buttigieg will get in there. He'll get in there. The jeweler's loop. Let me check it out.

Let me change some laws. Red Band made a video of it back in the day. Yeah, your asshole is. The jeweler's loop. Let me check it out. Let me change some laws. Red Band made a video of it back in the day. Yeah, you're in. I remember that video. I saw that video. It looked like Homer's got his mom's mouth. It looked like a pussy. That's what it looks like.

Homer Simpson's mouth. Oh, yeah. They changed it. They moved it. Oh, my God. It looks like a cheeseburger. Is that what it always looks like? Sometimes.

I had hemorrhoids. The best was the early Legion of Skanks in the back door of the creek. I remember that. And they were like, Lewis, my asshole's terrible. And then after they're like, oh, let's look at Lewis' asshole. And I'm like, well, Ari, why are you being quiet? I'm like, because mine will be the worst one. Yeah.

So it was like, you guys get out of the way. Yeah. Did you show it? Yeah. They were disgusted. We had to look at each other's assholes. No pushbacks was the rule. Early Skanks.

Early Skanks. I think you had a hemorrhoid, too. Yeah, I had the hemorrhoid. Why can't you push back? Get out of there. You're forward observers. You're like my uncle. You know what's weird?

When the asshole winks. When it squeezes on you. When you flex it, it winks. I think we're all doing it right now. Yeah, I'm doing it. I think every one of us is doing it. Pretty fun. Philadelphia Kegels.

Hey. So what did your uncle do to, like, what was it like when he came back? I think he came back and he had a very stressful job. What did he do? Fuck it. It's pretty, once I tell you what he did, it's specific. Is that a problem? You don't have to get in your uncle's head.

He was like fucking Forrest Gump, dude. He was in Three Mile Island. He was at the World Trade Center. He was in Vietnam. What? Jesus Christ. He's retarded. What?

He was everywhere? He's an incredible story. Connect the dots. Shrimp creole, shrimp fish. I think I was reading an article about it because he's pretty popular. And he was describing how his job was very stressful because he worked in like wall street and he thought he was like blaming all his stress on wall street and then it was like clearly it was you got hit with a fucking rpg and almost died yikes and you mowed people down in vietnam

and then he went back to vietnam and saw it and was like oh this is all of them all of my problems right so he went back he went back? He went back. What? He went to exactly where he was. No way. Imagine getting out and going back. What a nightmare. I think he said he felt bad because he got wounded pretty severely.

Like his calf got blown off. He's missing a nipple. He's what? He got drilled. He's Miss Pat? He's Miss Pat. But he was like, I was too reckless, and now I'm not with my men. And he held that against himself.

Was he a drug addict and whatnot? I don't know about drugs. I know alcohol, for sure. I was too reckless. He was like, I was too reckless. I fucked that up. Now I'm not with my men. So he was holding that against himself. And then he saw what happened and where he was.

And he was like, oh oh of course I got wounded Yeah, it was they were coming at people shooting at me. Yeah, they knew I was the guy calling in the airstrikes blew his calf off Yeah, his legs. He's literally missing his fucking calf nipples off Calf and half. Jesus Christ. He can't help himself. Calfway house.

He's a pun machine. Calfway house. Super Bowl calf time. The calf time show. We saw it. Yeah. We were there on shrooms. Rihanna.

Ironically, that's the name of the guy who shot him. Rihanna. I like it. I like it. I can do a little bit of you. Take it on. Yeah, I can try. Go nuts. Apparently, Vietnam is one of the most amazing places to you. Take it on. Yeah, I can try. Go nuts.

Apparently, Vietnam is one of the most amazing places to visit. I loved it. Yeah? Yeah. Where'd you go? I started in Saigon, Ho Chi Minh. Ho Chi Minh, that's what they call it. And then I went to the south to some tiny town,

getting away from backpackers. I was getting sick of everybody. You get sick of all the fucking tourists. Whites, yeah. Really? District 1 of Ho Chi Minh, it's like TGI Friday. It's what yeah, they have the war remnants Museum It's the Vietnam War Memorial Museum, and they have a GI outside. He was like it's all propaganda in there Well, just talk about the senators who later came out and said said like oh, yeah, I killed like 50 innocent people Yeah, what was that? There was one senator that they were applauding him as a war hero,

and then finally he just said, I have to come clean. Yeah, I got some shit. Oh, I don't remember that. Yeah, he's like, I raped a bunch of people, killed a bunch of innocent people. We just went down and mowed out. And he was running on the fact that he's a hero. And then he was like, oh, I'm just the old boy. Yeah, when Jamie comes back, we'll figure out who that guy was.

That Ken Burns Vietnam, though, is fucking wild. It's very dense. I tried to watch it the first time. I've watched, like, it is dense. Yeah. Then once you get into it, it's like, God damn. What is it, 12 hours? So fucking long.

Great for flights. Yeah. And the pandemic. Yeah. The bomb sandwich there is amazing. It's the fresh bread. They got that from the French. What's it called?

Bon me. Bon Me. Bon Me. Mark Norman's infecting it. Yeah, I can do it. Spreading his spores on to you. To do me, you gotta go, it's gay. That's it, dude. Fuck gay.

I would never do that. No. Yeah, it's pretty good. It's it. Fuck, bro. What the fuck? I would never do that. Fuck, bro. No. Yeah, it's pretty good. Thank you. It's funny. No. Learn to whip it.

No. No. Thank you, J-Bo. Thank you, Jamie. Jamie, can you look up whoever that senator was that told the story about how they were trying to make him out to be a hero in Vietnam, and he was like, I can't do this. And he told his actual true story of what happened over there.

Yeah. What about the centers with the gay tap under the stall? Oh, that was great. Oh, that was a thing that they were doing in, like, restrooms of, like, airports and shit, right? Yeah. Yes. Fucking, how do they even work that out? How do you risk that?

What a Hail Mary. It's a Hail Mary. Well, but if you don't know the code. I think that's part of the fun. Yes. I don't know who this is going to be. I think these guys are on drugs, too. Imagine having just, I don't care who's on the other end of the stall.

But you got to try it. It's a nice mouth. Just be like, I like your shoes. Let's go. But you have anonymity. Yeah. It's pretty good. John Blumenthal's words differ from history. John Blumenthal from Walking Dead? Just be like, I like your shoes, let's go. But you have anonymity. Yeah. It's pretty good.

Blumenthal's words differ from history. John Blumenthal from Walking Dead? Running for senator. Oh, no, this is the guy that didn't actually serve in Vietnam. He lied about it. This is a different guy. This is the 70s, I think, or 80s. This was a guy who- So funny.

He was running as a war hero, and then- He won as a war hero. And then, yeah, he got in? Yeah, he was ran for, I think, what I remember from this he was a long time senator. Was that Jay Leno? No, no, no. Oh, it's John Kerry. Holy shit. I don't think that's it.

He was a guy who said he's part of the, not the Rape of Nanking, some well-known thing. That was all up my guys. We fucking did horrible, horrible things. Pop quiz. Who's the only president not to serve? In the military? Trump.

And? The Vietnamese government has accused Senator Bob Kerry. No, it was somebody who came out on his own. Oh, all right. Whatever. We probably shouldn't mention that. Not to serve? Carry out.

No, Lincoln wasn't in the Army, was he? There's a bunch of those guys that won. Ah. George Washington. Adams. No, he was definitely in. Washington. Who are you kidding?

It wasn't a country. Biggest general. Adams. But yeah, the gay code is nice, because you don't have to hang out. Yeah, just like Sia. Yeah. What a weird pickup move. That's genius.

The gays, they know what they're doing. Lincoln and his troops served for 30 days and did not see any action in the war. That counts. Elvis Presley of war. Trump went to a military school. All right, all right. Trump went to a military school? He went to a military academy.

It's a weekend party there. I bet they party. Handsome guy. Bring up Trump in his fucking uniform. Oh, he cleaned up. You're going to laugh. You're going to go, God damn, not bad. Oh, he cleaned up. You're gonna laugh. You're gonna go god damn not bad Whoa, I don't know about that

For a billionaire, it's pretty handsome. Have you seen billionaires? I think Elon's better looking Trump dog dude. Yeah, all right He could stab you with a sword dude. They even knew back then. Put him in that yellow uniform. Is that a band? You forget how old he is. I showered with Donald Trump at military school. Real weird. Real weird story. He's got little hands and a little penis. I heard he's

back in his time. West Point. Dude, you guys know I went to West Point. That's right. You know how dumb I looked in those uniforms? Oh, pull that up. I want to see that chin going over the collar. I got them at home. Did you? Dude, at ease.

Or, like, at attention. My fucking fat head, like... Yeah. It's so bad, dude. Your mom must have liked it. My family was like, you're a hero. Yeah. But then they saw me in the uniform, and everyone was still kind of like,

Jesus Christ, dude. Of course, my mom was like, you look so handsome. Yeah, you look sharp. What did they think when you got into comedy? Oh, yeah. I think they were happy I was doing anything. Same.

Yeah, they were like, nice. And then right before things started going well, they were like, all right, what are you going to actually do? Same here. Yeah. Exact same thing. Even when it's going well.

Yeah. Now it's funny. I like to tell my dad. Because usually any time I would go to a show, he'd be like, how much are they paying you? I'd be like, I'm driving to Cleveland. No, you can't tell him that. He'd be like, how much are they paying you? I'd be like, $200.

He's like, what the fuck are you doing? Now I like to be like, Phil, guess how much money they paid me. Yeah. Yeah. You call him Phil? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, don't make me buy your house right now. But they were motherfuckers.

But could you imagine your kid wants to be a comic? My mom told me. And you don't have any? She was like, what are you trying to do? I'm just trying to become a paid writer at the comic store. She goes, how much do you make for that? I'm like, $15 a spot. She was like, oh, you can't live on that.

I know that. Here I am, it's $15 a spot. She was like, oh, you can't live on that. I know that. Here I am, 50, doing whippets. Shut up, idiot. Yeah. I was buying a whippet. If your kid was going to do that, if your kid was going to go into comedy, what are the odds of success? They're so low. It's crazy.

I would talk him out of it. If your kid wants to be a lawyer, you're like, yeah, if you study hard, you can go to law school, you can actually be a lawyer. There's a path. You can make it there. But also, if you're a bad lawyer, it's not nearly as embarrassing as if you're a bad lawyer. No, you need to tell them. Yeah, my parents saw me do stand-up in Harrisburg. They came to a show where they were like one of 12 people in the audience.

Oh, no. And my closing joke was like, would you rather get shot in the head or 69 with your dad? No way. That joke kills. That joke kills. I can imagine that kills.

Everybody wants to say you would never suck your dad's dick, but that gun comes out. You and your dad get awfully friendly. You got to bring that bit back. Me and my dad are big. We would do it standing. I'd flip his old ass up.

His new balances would be kicking in the air. My dad was in the front row like, God damn it. Jesus Christ. Far away from West Point. Yeah. West Point was like three years before that. If your parents are like fucking sober, normal people, and then you enter into into that world and you're talking that kind of shit on stage Well, my dad's not a sober

No, yeah, that's not the issue Goes to the fucking Elks, you know Oh, the Elks are fun But he's a normal person That's crazy It's crazy Talking about sucking your dad's dick on a fucking stage In front of regular people

They brought their friends They brought another couple. Oh my God. When I said that joke, I vividly remember my mom just goes, oh no. It's like, oh fuck. That's brutal.

Oh my God, it's hilarious. I wouldn't let him come see me. I wouldn't let him. It was too much. I told him never to come again. And then my dad called like two days later and was like, hey. And I was like, if this is about comedy, I can't. dad called like two days later and was like, hey. And I was like, if this is about comedy, I can't.

Can't do it. And he was like, all right. I'm just saying, everybody else is talking about stories. You're up there talking about doing gay stuff. Your dad's giving you advice. He gave me comedy advice. Oh, my God. Has he seen you recently?

No. You got to send him some TV stuff. How recent? Two years ago? Has he seen you recently? No You gotta send him some TV stuff How recent? Two years ago Oh that's not good enough Come to the theater Come to the theater Pops You should kill the whole time and close with that 69 bit again

I will I will do that I told you it would work My son is doing pretty well God damn it Talking about blowing me I told you it would work. I told you it would work. My son, he's doing pretty well. God damn it. He's talking about blowing me. I thought you were done with that fucking joke.

Nah, I'm bringing it back. Brought it back for you, Dad. They don't get it, too. You're like, I got in the cellar. They're like, who? Cellar? What? No, that was the thing.

The only one they understood was SNL. Of course. And I got it. And I got to call them and be like, hey, I got SNL. And they're like, we're so proud. Yeah. We're going to be so happy for you, hey, I got SNL. And they're like, we're so proud. Yeah. We're going to be so happy for you for 14 hours. Two days later.

Two days later. And then my mom and dad are going around. My mom especially is like, my son's on us because I was a loser forever. Oh, man. And then now she gets to go tell all her friends whose kids are fucking orthodontists. And then they call back. I'm like, so your son's not better than the orthodontist. Well, we're so sorry for you.

Like that world. So they can brag and send their Christmas cards. That is rough. I think you made Newsweek. Hell yeah. My whole town was pretty proud. All right. For real.

I thought people would be upset. My dad was like, hell yeah. Is there a celebrity from Mechanics? Yeah. Mike? Fucking Poison. Oh, really? Yeah.

Hey. Brett Michaels. No shit. Let's go. Is it Mike from Mechanics? Let's go. Yeah. Brett Michaels, Mechanics. Poison Brett Michaels mechanics you're like a New England II right? No, Maryland making the mechanics What's that in the living years what in the living years living? Yeah that whip it fucked you up Whatever you do don't play that terrible song Podcast for music that I don't want to listen to What kind of recommendations for sure we're in the car on the way over I was I the aux. I was playing fucking Bone Thugs and Migos, and I was considering asking Ari.

Don't do it. Good lord. What music do you like? No. It's going to be some dumb, made-up shit. Yoko Ono's greatest hits. Some made-up shit. I'm like Blue Wolf and the Dancing Pansies. Shut up, dude.

This is a cool indie band from Guatemala. I got really into them during the pandemic. Yeah, I remember being 20. With your backpack on. I just want to see the world. I have wonderlust. Doing whippets. With a backpack in Vietnam.

Doing whippets. Watching a drum circle. Having a seizure in the jungle. Don't do another one, man. I'm worried about you. He's going to do another one. Keep going. Keep going.

Is this that song? Seizure in the Jungle is a great band for whippets. This came up. Don't do another one, man. I'm worried about you. He's going to do another one. Keep going. Keep going. Is this that song? Seizure in the Jungle is a great band for whippets. This came up. It has 27,000 views. What is it? Oh, all right. It's a song for a while. Fire it up.

Put your headphones on so you can hear it. I want to hear this. What the fuck? I don't know. This is what it sounds like when you walk into an Indian restaurant. That's a song specifically designed to whip its tomb? Maybe. Does it feel good, Harry?

Yeah, you like it. Yeah. Yeah. This is freaky music. This music is like going to do it. You can't talk. Oh, dude. Relax. I was having a stroke.

71. Yeah, don't do this. Don't stroke out on the podcast. Please have a fucking seizure, dude. I'm not getting big enough balloons out of this. I think you're good. I think you're good, dude. I mean, I think high school kids champ this shit pretty easy.

They rule. Yeah. You've done three now kids champ this shit pretty easy. They rule. Yeah. You've done three now? It's not a long-term thing. I've seen bros champ boxes easy. Yeah. Really? Yeah.

Oh. Where? Last year, I was in Philly. Me and my friends who do comedy would play poker together. Yeah. All of a sudden, they just were like, middle of we're playing poker, they just all broke out whippets. Wow. Geez. The rest a sudden, they just were like, middle of, we're playing poker, they just all broke out whippets. Wow.

The rest of it, we played for three hours. They were doing just, Is that Steve-O? Oh, no. Steve-O gets after it. Steve-O gets after it. It was wild to see this.

I mean, I don't know the exact part where he's doing it. He has the real big cracker. His whole house is filled with them. It's bad when Knoxville's like, you gotta relax. Yeah,

that doesn't seem... That's him at the factory. None of that seems wise. He's got his shit together. He's got a good podcast now. He's kicking ass. Yeah, he's sober. Doing comedy.

Steve-O does rules. Jackass rules. Great guy. Jackass rules. Jackass, when I was in Spain, Jackass made me so proud. I saw people wearing Jackass t-shirts and I was like, damn. I've almost grown up by laughing so hard at jackass. It's so funny.

It was great. The theater, it was mayhem. Every other comedy, you're like, oh, you guys are just trying to get to a percentage of jackass. Oh, no. It's like adult cartoons. People falling, getting hit. Die. Oh, my God.

They fuck their bodies up, too. His dick doesn't work. Steve-O's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Knoxville. His dick is fucked. I tried Couldn't get it going

Yeah I mean Just the fucking Sheer punishment Those guys take Incrushment Bulls Bulls Like what are you doing

The whole job was I'm gonna get a donkey To kick at me And he'd just get right up To him That one's great When he's fucking shaking When he's walking towards him

Yeah like this won't go Any other way Didn't they stand Blindfolded in front of bulls? Yeah, Knoxville did. Knoxville's been locked. That Ngannou. That's too much.

Punch him in the nuts. This poor guy. Dude, Danger Aaron stole the last movie. You know how crazy that is? That's crazy. Francis Ngannou punched him in the nuts. Look at him focusing Ngannou. I mean, how do you stand that?

You don't. I flinch on a gnat gnat this is crazy so bad is it you're gonna show me yeah that was wonderful oh that's fun i love when they fuck they're like i'm not even doing the sketch steve was gonna do it but he understands that mma guys punch really hard they tricked this guy i don't think they knew they didn't tell him and ghanu was gonna come around oh God. His face immediately goes to the worst. Look at the agony. They're talking about it, too.

So unnecessary. I'm sure there's women who like that. They're like, this is hot. These guys. They like watching guys get in parts. Oh, the Jackass guys got pussy. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

100%. Big puss. I know. They're risk takers. They're risk takers. Women like guys who do flips. And they're drunk. Yeah, they're millionaires.

Do whippets on pods at 74. Yeah, you might get some pussy for this. Yeah, bro. What was Vietnam like? What I remember is that every day was a war. Oh. It was a war. What about the pho over there?

Pretty good pho? Pho's not bad. I was really into the banh mi's. All right. You just get them to go. They're so good, so fresh. It's a fresh bread. They really into the banh mi's. All right. You just get them to go. They're so good. So fresh. It's a fresh bread. They love it.

French bread. Yeah. That's what we eat po' boys on. The French is, without the bread, it's not a po' boy. Yeah. That's why I love one of those things of somebody at some college campus was bitching at their student union for doing the banh mi sandwich not the authentic way. Uh-huh.

Like some sort of Tabasco on it or something instead of like sriracha. He's like, that's not authentic Vietnamese. Everyone's like, it's French bread. It's from the colonization. Did you guys ever do the stand-up bong hit? You know, so paper towel roll. You're on the wall and you're both squatting. And he takes a giant vaporizer hit or whatever. and he blows it into your mouth while you stand up

No, then you fall back down immediately no never did that no oh Beer ball no no weed huge hit and then as you come up And it hits you so hard shotgun as you're standing up as you're standing up so the the oxygen goes away Interesting this is pre-internet. You know yeah four guys in a house As you're standing up. As you're standing up. So the oxygen goes away. Interesting. This is pre-internet, you know? Yeah. Four guys in a house. Just figuring shit out.

Figuring it out. Nothing to do. What if I blow the smoke in your face? Yeah. Then you stand up. Exactly. That was one of the things they did during NAMM. They'd do it through rifles.

Yeah. It was pretty sweet. That's so fucking cool. That's cool. That can't end well. Yeah. Now they go, yeah. Yikes.

That's just being high as fuck and also in Vietnam in the middle of the war going, what the fuck, man? Yeah, so they did a shotgun where they literally opened up the barrel. Damn. And they're blowing the weed through. I like how they're not touching it with their mouth because they don't want to get herpes. They don't want to be gay. They don't want to be gay. They don't want to be sucking on that gun in front of everybody.

Whoa. That's tough times. Got to kill the day. But then what if you're going to die? Imagine being like super paranoid and high as fuck and you're in the jungle in Vietnam. Yeah, night you're walking through. You realize you're in this stupid fucking war that makes no sense, has zero support behind it. But the nature walks are good.

What are we doing? I'm shooting people with zero support behind it. Yeah, you're out in nature. Yeah, that's what they said. One of the reasons they won, they took over all the reasons that Vietnam won. They were like, the Americans were like, I don't even want to be here.

Yeah, no one did. Yeah, like, I don't care about these people. And the Vietnamese were fighting for their home. What about, did you ever meet one of those guys who's like, you know, when 9-11 happened, they're like, I'm going over there. Yeah. Thank God for guys like that. Because I, they're like, I'm going over there. Yeah. Thank God for guys like that.

Because I'm like, oh, I'm going to stay here. How about Pat Tillman? Pat Tillman. He left being a fucking NFL star to go over there. That's insane. And he got killed by friendly fire. Friendly fire. Oh, you hate to hear it.

And they had to hide it. They had to hide it. Now he's a hero. He was that annoying? Not that he wasn't a hero, obviously. He was just a- He's still a hero. A bummer of a guy? Like a bad hang? No, I think it was an accident. No, no, no, no. Oh, it was an accident. I thought they were? Not that he wasn't a hero, obviously. He's still a hero. A bummer of a guy?

Like a bad hang? No, I think it was an accident. No, no, no. Oh, it was an accident. I thought they were like, this guy's a bummer. Some people said it was on purpose. Some people said it was on purpose. That's what I heard.

Because he was starting to see like, oh, this is fucking pointless. What are we doing here even? And then like, oh, we got to shut him up. Keep him a hero. Oh, no. Is a theory. Boy, I hope not. Yeah.

God, you hope not. Yeesh. Anyway, let's talk about something funnier. Oops. I'm in friendly fire. Bad filming you hope not. Yeesh. Anyway, let's talk about something funnier. Oops. Something friendly fire. That's the one in Vietnam. I know, right? What the fuck?

That's kind of a nice term for what happened. You changed the mood of everything when you read out your uncle's text. I know. It was pretty sick, though. Yeah. Bummer town. I mean, imagine being on a plane reading that. The way he described it, too, was amazing, too.

Your uncle's smart. Yeah, he's fired up. Whew. How about that Mahomes? He's good. No. Sorry. You know what I like,omes? He's good. No. Sorry. You know what I like, though?

I came around on Jackson. Jackson Mahomes. Who's that? The brother? His brother that does TikToks and his wife, his annoying wife that screams. Oh, yeah. Everyone hates on them, and it actually makes me happy. No, they're fine.

His wife, have you ever seen this? I don't watch TikTok. Patrick Mahomes is the best quarterback. Well, second. Jalen was obviously MVP. Oh, that hurts. Should have been. I mean, an unforced fumble was tough.

Patrick Mahomes has a wife that's just wild. She's up in the box. She films herself. Her and his brother. His brother does TikToks. And Patrick's obviously, he's the man. And then he's got a crazy wife and a brother up in the box. Doing all this shit.

And his wife's up there like, you thought you were gonna beat us? Think again! It's the best. Forcing everyone like, to be in a video. What a party like we do! Oh yeah, she's a lot. Whoa, Jesus.

Problem is, they keep that same energy when you get divorced. They come after you. They come after you with that same energy. These kids are going crazy. Football fans? Who gets more fired up than football fans? I'd say Proud Boys.

Especially when the FBI people are riling things up. It just came out today that the FBI was involved in Black Lives Matter protests, turning them violent. Come on. There's allegations. See if you can find that. They were doing it during Vietnam. The fucking watch. The fucking watch.

My BLM alarm. You still have that stupid fucking watch. This thing runs like a watch. It doesn't wet at all. What time does it say? It runs like a watch. 501. Feds deliberately targeted BLM protesters to disrupt the movement, a report says.

Oh, boy. They did it in Vietnam. In the Vietnam thing they were talking about. Yeah, they do it with everything. They do it with everything. Let's get some guys in there. Is the Zucca body part? Is the protest violent?

Agent provocateurs. January 6th? Yeah. Yeah. They do it with everything. Let's get some guys in there to protest violent. Agent provocateurs. Yeah. Yeah. They fucking 100% did it there. The snitch in the silver hearse. What is that? FBI paid a violent felon to infiltrate Denver's radical justice movement. Wow.

Jalen Hurst. Of course. Crazy. They always do that. They don't like these fucking movements, and they go, you know what? Disrupt it. Just let's send in some people to smash some windows and light some shit on fire. Yeah, occupy Wall Street.

They'll get in there, undercover cops, start fights, and then the other cops are going to be like, hey, they're fighting. We've got to break it up. Yeah, I went to. That's what they did with the World Trade Organization? You went to a march? I went to Occupy. You went to Occupy Wall Street?

I wanted to see what it was about. He was trying to fuck chicks. How old were you? I was like 23, 24. The B.O. was about. He was trying to fuck chicks. How old were you? I was like 23, 24. The B.O. was wild. But it was something to see because it was kind of new, all that kind of stuff. Now we have a protest every 10 minutes. But that was fun to watch.

They shut that shit down. Yeah, a lot of pepper spray. Also interesting that they were like, you guys did this. We're just going to hover around where you work. Yeah, that's true. It's a totally different kind of a movement. It was like the beginning of these kind of mass movements. Yeah.

We're just going to make you look at us as you go into work. Yeah, we're going to park out here on the grass. They weren't like disruptive. They weren't like breaking anybody's car windows or anything. No, we're going to occupy. It was right when Obama won, so it was like a wacky time in New York. Yeah, because it was 2008, financial collapse. Black president.

Yep. First black president. A lot of shit's going on. The economy goes into the tank after the housing crisis. Oh, yeah. And then they're like, you guys did it. So it's almost like there are white blood cells surrounding an infection. Wow.

It was some blacks. I mean, that's not what I meant. Oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah. They're just like calling attention. Yeah, they're just like realizing there's something wrong with this. We are the 99%. But they're not even.

They don't even understand what that means. Oh, boy. They're not the 99%? But people feel really good. Globally, you make $34,000 in your top 1% of the world. That's how wild the world is. I didn't want to hear that. I want people who are against the 1% to realize000 in your top 1% of the world. That's how wild the world is. Nobody wants to hear that. People who are against the 1% want to realize they're in the 1% of this country. Uh-huh.

They're like, what? I'm not. Yeah, yeah, you're super wealthy. The 1% of this country is like, I think it's like a half a million dollars a year. Wow. No way. It might be less. It might be like, what is the 1%?

What's the top 1%? What do you have to make? It's like every doctor. But the 1% of the world is $34,000. Really? Top 1% of the world is over $34,000. All right, Ari, you're in. Okay, it's $823,000 in 2020.

So I was off by quite a bit. That's a lot. What is it? Yeah, that's a lot. $823,000 in 2020. Wait, what's the other number? National average of the top 1% earners is $597,000. Hey.

I think we're doing the research, I think. Oh. Economic Policy Institute was the first one. This is a study by Smart Asset Points, the second one. Okay, so it's somewhere between $600,000 to $800,000. Wow, okay. The average. That's in America.

The average of the 1%, which means you can still be the 1% at like $400,000. Yeah. Right. Actually, the top has billions in it, so probably $570,000. The average annual wage gap. So, a lot of fucking money. Yeah. There you go.

Oh, wait a minute. Look how it was phrased originally. Annual gross income of $590,000. Yeah, that's what it is. The average annual income of more than half a million dollars. Okay. All right. We're doing okay then.

Well, for the rest of the world, we're doing fucking amazing. Yeah. We could pay 200 grand for this podcast. It's just it's not perfect. It gets us halfway there. It's not perfect. There's flaws. Oh, yeah.

I remember an old video of Rogan on some, like, before Tough Crowd. It was, like, four people talking. Maybe it was Bill Maher or something. I don't know. There was some guy saying he wants to up the national for anyone over a million dollars 70%. You remember this? Oh, yeah. And Joe goes on air.

He goes, if you take 70% of my money, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Whoa. I was like, you're out of your fucking mind. You're if you take 70% of my money, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. Whoa. I was like, you're out of your fucking mind. You're going to take 70% of it? It's like that some places. They take a lot of your money. New York takes a big chunk. Well, there's a lot of people that believe that that's how to solve the country's woes,

is to redistribute the wealth. Take the wealth away from all the wealthy people. Pay 80%, 90% in taxes. Give all the money to the poor people. They're just looking at it as a numbers thing. They're not looking at it as like, why do people make money in the first place? Right. They have incentive.

They work hard. You're not going to have equal money if you don't have equal effort. And it doesn't mean that everybody has equal opportunity because some people, they can make a lot more money with a lot less effort. But the people that can become like a Warren Buffett or one of those, they do that because there's an incentive. There's an incentive. That's the only reason why they chase that game. And if you're going to put a limit on that game and you're going to say, hey, once you get to a certain level of that game, you've got to give us all the money.

You've killed all the incentive. I think it's not that's a problem. It's let's get everybody else up a little bit. Oh, yeah. This is what they should be tackling. There's ways to do it, and that's the Bernie Sanders idea of taxing a small amount of speculative market wagers. So when people are betting, they're going back and forth. He's talking about taking a fraction of a penny from each transaction would result in trillions of dollars a year.

Wow, interesting. Whoa. I know a lot of people don't like that Alexandria Cortez-Cortezio lady, but she said something at the beginning of COVID. She goes, do you guys get people back in their jobs? She goes, no, we don't have to get people back in their 60-hour-a-week jobs barely making their ends meet. We have to change the system a little bit so we can actually live our lives. Right, but how do you do that? I don't know.

The way you do that is by more bureaucracy, more people that get paid to redistribute the wealth. And if they get a grip on your money and they can say, hey, you have been too successful, so we're going to take that and give it to people that aren't successful. But that doesn't work. That's the thing that it all goes to, always. Get rid of the 40-hour work week.

You've got to go to the source, though. It's antiquated. You don't get a move box in 40 hours. You get your shit done in 25 hours. Enjoy your life. I know, but they do it with homeless, too. They go, hey, we've got to give money to the homeless. You're like, the guy's still addicted to

Fentanyl and living away. It doesn't really change. Yeah, you're not gonna fix why he's mentally ill right? Yeah, gotta go to the source my biggest things with every politician is like I don't know the answer this bring it up Every city in America you it can be done in sports or it's like I've ever seen yeah But for something SF get the experts on it. LA, it's crazy. Austin's not that bad. They cleaned up a lot of it, man. They used to have a lot of tents underneath the bridges. It's all gone now.

Except the occasional tent they eventually clean up. Where did they go? They bought hotels. Move people. These Palestinians. Game of shovel. Rent's there. It's got to be cheap.

I mean, real estate money's going down real quick. Good time to invest in Palestine. We should get a house there. Yeah, who knows what the actual extent of the environmental disaster is? Like, how long before they actually tell him the truth. Yikes. But I remember being like, thinking BP was like the end of society. Don't do it, you sick son of a... We got a show tonight.

Who brought the eagle? Not the eagle. Where'd you find the eagle? All right. It was just lonely out there. Put it on J- Not the eagle. Where'd you find the eagle? All right. It was just lonely out there. Put it on J-Mo's table. Hey, do you remember when that dude who was... I'm on number six here.

Who was it? The guy from the FBI that sang Let the Eagle Soar? Do you remember that guy? Mm-mm. What was he saying Let the Eagle Soar for? Was he the guy that was during the Obama administration? Is that what his name is? Obama.

Who was it? Was he during the Bush administration? John Ashcroft. John Ashcroft. Big Ash. You ever see that guy sing? No. John Ashcroft was like the boogeyman.

He was like this very creepy right-wing guy. Look at this. Look at him sing this. Yeah, I remember this. Oh, wow. This is weird. he's taking lessons shoot him I've never even heard of this song

imagine him wanting to shoot the eagle the dude from the Chappelle concert runs up and stabs him if you've ever got attacked by an eagle who was John Ashcroft again? The eagle threw his hands. The dude from the Chappelle concert runs up and stabs him. If you've ever got attacked by an eagle. Who was John Ashcroft again?

What was John Ashcroft's position? But I remember everybody's... Attorney General. Yeah, everybody was freaked out about him. They were all scared of him. He was like this hardcore right-wing guy. Want to lock up all those dope smokers. One of those guys. He's just a wild Christian guy singing

Those guys were fun because they were the bad guy then I'd be like rap is out of control These are the nerds. It's hard to tell everybody's the nerd now now the left is the nerds I think those guys were like raps out of control and they're like we're gonna fucking invade Iraq What does it say you say true games turning general when the Patriot Act starts? Oh, that's it there it is that we're gonna fucking spy on everybody We're gonna The rap thing came from tipper Gore Al Gore's why yeah, yeah, that's wild It was the Democrats and then Liz Cheney kept it rolling. Did she? Yeah.

She was into that? Yeah. And then NWA, they're like, whoa. Heavy stuff. It did come out of nowhere. I remember listening to it on a fucking treadmill.

I was like a stairmaster in Revere, Massachusetts at the gym. And I was listening to it with a Walkman, a cassette Walkman. I was like, holy shit. These guys are pretty serious.

These guys are like, you've never heard music like that before? Oh, wow. No, they mean business. When I was young, I got Eminem and DMX. That was what I got. What you really want. Ice Cube, fifth grade, listening to a DMX album. Yeah, that was heavy stuff.

Rough Riders, roll. I got blood on my dick because I fucked a corpse. I was on a school bus. I was a giant Ghetto Boys fan I'd listen to Ghetto Boys when I delivered newspapers my uncle that was in Vietnam, not the one I was talking about the other uncle he was a prison warden

after Vietnam and then he hung out with just black dudes because he was a prison warden so everybody around him so now he talks like that and he'll be like, what's up Holmes? he loves the Ghetto Boys and then he hung out with just black dudes because he was a prison warden, so everybody around him. So now he talks like that. He'll be like, what's up, Holmes? Oh, that's fine. He loves the ghetto boys.

He'll be out in his garage like benching the fucking ghetto boys. The ghetto boys the shit. I did their podcast. No shit. They were super fun, super nice, but they're old now, so I'd make a gay joke, and they're like, easy, man, easy. He murdered people. What the fuck?

All right, do a bomb. Uh-oh. I mean, he's done whippets, weed, booze. I'm not doing a whippet. I'm not a fucking eighth grader, bro. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's valuable. That whippet was bad news. It lasted a short amount of time.

It's 30 seconds in and out. I like to be fucked up for a long time. I like it to ruin my week. What is salvia? Wasn't that a quick high? That was a quick one. No, what am I thinking of? That was 10 minutes. Where you trip for like long time. I like it to ruin my week. What is salvia? Wasn't that a quick high? That was a quick one. No, what am I thinking of? That was ten minutes. Well, you get tripped for like five minutes. Yeah, salvia was pretty good that way. Oh, baby.

Don't give me that look, Joe. Jojo Rabbit's dipping into the bag. Don't give me that look, Joe. Sorry. Oh, yeah. A bag of candy. That's a perfectly legal bag of regular stuff. Yeah. I'm reaching for the one that calls me. Some spice, maybe? What was that where it fucked you up? Salvia.

You tripped. Was it salvia? Yeah, you get fucked up. We talked about that the other day on the podcast. You were gone for like three months, living another life. Gone. But like 10 minutes tops, and then back. Gone.

He was gone for 10 minutes, but during that 10 minutes, he had three months of another life. He lived another life. He had relationships and friendships. He was wild. That sounds awesome. Yeah. Way different than whippets. Whippets is just a laugh. That was legal everywhere. They missed that one friendships. It was wild. That sounds awesome. Way different than Whippets.

That was legal everywhere. They missed that one. They missed salvia. Yeah, and you got 20 times, 40 times, or 60 times. You used to be able to get the most potent version of DMT on the internet. You used to be able to get five methoxy DMT on the internet. You used to be able to buy it. It was not for human consumption.

You would buy it. It was pure from a chemical company, and they would ship it to your house enough to get the whole city high as fuck. Wow. What is DMT? What happens? Well, it's a psychedelic compound. Science is just activated.

I can talk about it. It's dimethyltryptamine. It's actually produced by your brain, and it's a psychedelic chemical that you'd think has something to do with near-death experiences. It has something to do with dreams. But it's an endogenous chemical. So it's real quick. Your body brings you back to baseline.

You've got to do that next time. Yeah. Yeah, what the hell? GMT? It's crazy because your brain makes it, but it's super illegal. Like Terrence McKenna had a great quote. He said, everybody's holding. Whoa.

Holding back. No, they're holding this drug. Everyone's in their system. Holding is how they talk about drugs. Are you holding? What do you got? You holding? Holding coffee.

Everyone's holding DMT. It's so weird, the hippies I come in contact with, because some of them are like, I got mushrooms, I've grown. It's like, okay. And they're like, it just seems like bathtub shit. It's like, I make my own DMT. It's like, I trust that way less than boomers. Totally.

Yeah, I don't know how you're making it. Who are you? I smoked it once, and it just made everything look like video game. Oh, you didn't do it, right? I didn't do it hard. I didn't do it hard enough. I was trying I was trying I kept trying I did it once and I was like close I saw I saw a giant caterpillar come down this tree and look at me That's right It just goes nah and then head back up the tree. And then I was like, what the fuck?

Looked over at this girl that I was doing it with. She goes, I died and came back. I'm like, damn it! How did you get there? What the hell? The fucking bug told me no. Maybe she's lighter. Mushrooms got me there. To die and come back. Wow. I ate a bunch. I was high on

Molly and I ate a bunch of them. Well, Molly and mushrooms together, it's not smart. I didn't. Yeah, it was all molly. I wasn't making the best choices. What are you talking about? That is the purest combination. We should do molly. If you took molly and then a little mushrooms, it'd be pretty great. I was like, isn't this funny? Taking fucking handfuls.

The only problem with mushrooms is you get a bad trip and molly's like, that won't happen today. Those mushrooms outweigh those mushrooms. The mushrooms destroy the molly so quick. What about ayahuasca everything was good and then also great and we live in like ayahuasca are we gonna freeze what's that we're gonna go out there and freeze remember we wanted to refresh i think that was more of a last night thing that was a drunk talk i woke up today like i think that's gonna hurt i don't want to do it shower i'm good fine will you just open up your throat oh yeah think that's going to hurt. I took a cold shower. I'm good. It'll be fine. Will you just open up your throat?

Oh, yeah. I want Ari to do it. Fuck yeah. Come understand the state of the motherfucking day. Look at that. We're back, dude. America's back. I'm worried about you.

This is a lot of drugs he's taking. He's fine. All right. He just knows how to do it. Mark, you got one. We're doing one for you. He, for some reason, can do this. Yeah, it's true. He can. He just knows how to do it. Mark, you got one. We're doing one for you. He, for some reason, can do this. Yeah, it's true.

He can. Got that in reading. Oh, because I'm not 12. Doesn't even look that old. Well, wait until the hat and the glasses come off. There we go. Let's keep this hidden. America!

Fuck yeah! Everyone knows. We've seen the special. As it runs, it's his wedding, and you see the people coming in, but I'm on the last table. And this was 15 years ago. But did he really get married? This shiny fucking box is my head ruining every photograph. Sorry.

What did you say? I've heard it before. Did he actually get married? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty funny. I heard he got married, but I don't know if it's true. I like Steve. Yes, he's the best. He's literally the married, but I don't know if it's true. I like Steve. Yeah, Steve's the best.

Now, ayahuasca, my friend goes like twice a year. Really? He says it cleans you out, sets you back to baseline. I know a great place in the middle of the jungle. Can we do it here? You always have to go to the fucking jungle. Everybody wants to go someplace. Right.

House in the burbs. Do it in your living room. Fuck off. Yeah. Watch Family Guy. Ari hates the suburbs. Take ayahuasca. Ari hates the suburbs.

Ari doesn't want to live in a nice place that's quiet. You don't like suburbs? Fuck the... Not to do fucking hardcore drugs. I love to live in New

York. I love to see people. I love all the excitement. I live in New York and I hate it. I have to, bro. It's hard. It's hard living in New

York. It's expensive. New York sucks. Boys. It does suck. Come to Texas. It's dirty. There's no room. York sucks. Boys. It does suck. Come to Texas. It's dirty. It's dirty.

There's no room. There's no room. Come to Texas. I was never going to come to Texas. That was never going to happen. I got those taxes, and I was like, God damn. I might go to fucking Texas. I feel like you came here for six months in one day.

Come. Fuck yeah. Now we're going, Jamie. You're next, Jamie. Don't take your head. You know you're next. Yes. Come next, Jamie. Don't take your head. You know you're next. Yes. Come on, Mark.

Fuck yeah. Suck it. You put one in there, too. That was just one. Mark's just being a fucking sally. It hurts. It hurts the throat. Fuck yeah.

Mark, you have to fucking do it. We've got a couple hours ahead of us here. Yeah, we're fine. We've got plenty of time, boys. Let's drink at the club tonight. That is gonna be fucking great. I think we go to Vulcan and then we leave immediately after Vulcan and drink and talk there.

We have all of our inspections passed and we have furniture. Let's go there! We're days away. Yeah, we're gonna go after the show. Alright! We're gonna go to Vulcan, do the show, and then we'll go get fucked up in that bar. I can't wait to show you guys what it looks like now. It's incredible. Hell yeah.

Can't wait. It seems fake. Do you think there's booze there? Is there a bar ready? We'll get bar. We'll get booze. Yeah. If we don't have booze there, we'll get booze.

Don't worry. We'll go. What a piece of light. America. Fuck yeah. We're world policing again. Yeah. We're back policing again. Yeah. We're back at it.

Ari, you think you're going to stay in New York no matter what? That's your spot? No, I'll stay for two more years and I'll leave. Where are you going to go? Probably like... Why don't you come to Austin, bitch? I think London. London?

London, you cocksucker. That's not brown enough. Why are you going to fucking other New York? That's what I did before. LA to New York. Funny voice New York? You got to be to like a... Might's what I did before. LA to New York. Funny voice New York. You got to be to like a, you know. Might as well move to Boston.

Dublin would be sick. Dublin would be sick. Dublin's small. You want to live in London? Yeah, do spots. I like doing spots. They got good shows in London. Good shows.

A lot of good shows. I'm going to Australia after you. Australia. That would be great. Sydney would be a cool place to live too. I'm doing the Sydney Opera House. Come to it. Yeah, he's doing Sydney Opera House. I saw Shane at. Australia. That would be great. Sydney would be a cool place to live, too. I'm doing the Sydney Opera House. Come to it. Yeah, he's doing Sydney Opera House.

I saw Shane at Town Hall. It was fucking great. Thanks. So cool. All those people. Wow, you watch comedy? All those people. He came.

It was very nice. I just came back from Mexico. You got to see me. Yeah, it was right when you got back. You got to see me surrounded by all the- It was so funny to see the Jews just fucking glomming onto him. Jews? The industry.

I wasn't going to say it. They talk differently. Like, Shane excited to be working with you. I'm just talking to that guy who's like, yeah, I'm the head of Netflix. I was like, oh, shit, I should have been more respectful. Yeah. Arnie, I got to get to your special. Shouldn't have thrown your yarmulke.

Saw the network people were hovering. It's because the New York Comedy Festival is all there. They're just hovering. Hovering. That's exactly right. Trying to figure out a way to get a piece of that Shane pie. It's because the New York Comedy Festival is all there. They're just hovering. That's exactly right. They're trying to figure out a way to get a piece of that chain pie. It's nice when they hover.

Suck your little slice. Suck it right out. Just cut me a slice. I'm giving them a slice. They're so mean to us at the beginning. When they hover, you're like, yeah. Me and Moshe Kasher at Montreal saw just new faces and two old people were on both sides of him talking to him.

It just looked like they were sucking the youth right out of him. That's what they do. Give it a second. Fuck yeah. It's cold. It's cold. Give it a second. Oh, Joe.

That's a cold punch. That's a cold punch. Iron throat. That's a punch. Hell yeah. That's a cold snack. Huberman. That's a punch.

All right, Goggins. That's a, wow. Nice. Good looking eagle. Fuck yeah. Fuckgins. That's a... Wow. Nice. Good-looking eagle. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. Look at the name of this little guy. Yeah, what's his name?

Fuck yeah. That's Freedom. That's Freedom, our pet eagle. There you go. You like free. Dude, is South Park the best? South Park is the best. South Park's amazing.

Because they're a cartoon... Stone and Parker are the best ever. They get away with so much. I couldn't place them. Which one was it? It was Stone. It was Stone. Yeah, away with so much. I couldn't place them. Which one was it? It was Stone. It was Stone. Yeah.

And I was like, who is that guy? Do you know him from basketball? Who is that guy? And you were like, you were just giving me this like, oh. That's the one guy ever. Who is it though? We were at Louie's show at the Garden. He was there.

Yeah. It was, and I was sitting there. I was like, dude, that's him. And when you told me, I was like, oh, yes. Shane will go up and say hi. I can't do it. I'll go up and say it, but I'm pretty good at it. You are good at it. I can't. I go, yo, I'm a big fan. And when you told me, I was like, oh, yes. Shane will go up and say hi. I can't do it. I'll go up and say it, but I'm pretty good at it. You are good at it.

I go, yo, I'm a big fan. And then I walk away. That's the key. I get too nervous around those people. But I'm like, you should say hi. Yeah, I was like, I'm going to go do it. I just walked up to him. I said, big fan.

That's it. He was like, OK. And then walked away. And then I stared at him from eight feet away for two hours. I was going. I love you so much, dude. You meant the whole world to me. Well, they have a freedom that no one else has on television.

Nobody's got it. No one has that freedom on Comedy Central, not even close. When we used to fight for people's words on, this is not happening, we're like, they're allowed, you gotta show precedent. Cartman did it, doesn't count. Everything else would count except Cartman. You're not South Park. Isn't that wild?

Yeah. You said shit on the airman. You're not South Park. Isn't that wild? Yeah. You said shit on the air. They're just grandfathered in. Not just grandfathered in, they're just the best. They're above the law. But Family Guy says some crazy shit, too. Family Guy does. Family Guy definitely does. But South Park's like, if you even come at them, they'll fucking eviscerate you.

The guy who put them on the map, they eviscerated. They're too good. They took George Clooney, who put them over. And we're like, sorry, dude, weiscerate you. They'll do another one. The guy who put them on the map they eviscerated. They're too good. They took George Clooney who put them over. And we're like, sorry, dude, we got to come after you. The smug? The smug clown? You're being a douche. We got to come after you. Thank you for giving us everything we have, but we have to come after you.

Bro, that Kanye Carlos Mencia episode. Oh, he's like, I'm not funny, man. I got no dick. I got no dick, man. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's like, you don't get it? He's like, for real, you don't get it?

Please get it. Please get it. Please. Leave me. You don't get it, man. It's crazy they're on cable, too. This isn't like an internet show. I know.

They're on TV. It's nuts. But they were on cable, and cable was the internet. Like, oh, it's wild there. It's wild there. It's 25 years old. They were grandfathered in like a Tarantino movie. Was it HBO at first?

No, no. It was a Christmas card at first. Ited in like a Tarantino movie. Was it HBO at first? No, no. It was a Christmas card at first. It was a video. I got the video cassette in the 90s. There's a girl, I was dating a girl who was an agent at William Morris, and they were passing around the office, and everybody got copies of it. And I was like, this is insane. It's so funny.

It was, what would Brian Boitano do? What would Brian Boitano do? If he were here right now, he'd surely kick an ass, I'd do. That's what Brian Boitano would do. And it's even more primitive. Like, if you watched the animation back then, it was even more clunky. You wanna know how much I loved South Park? When we were playing basketball?

This is the original one. Hold on. When we were playing basketball as kids, you know how you write stuff and marker on your shoes in basketball? Yeah. I wrote, Brian Boitano. There you go. Oh my fucking Allen Iversons. You know how you write stuff in marker on your shoes in basketball? Yeah. I wrote Brian Boitano. There you go. My fucking Allen Iversons.

And Sharpie. Thank God for them. I know. On the trans stuff. They're the best. They're front lines. They're the front lines. They're the front line.

They're the tip of this beer. What's going on here? Give me some volume. Christmas is for celebrating my birth. Christmas is for giving. I'm here to put an end to your blasphemy this time We finish it there can be Wendy Wendy yeah, Wendy test

They're just coming up piece of paper Oh, Jesus. He's a street fighter character all of a sudden. Kill them all. Yuktuki! Oh, my God. Finally. It killed Kenny That's the first one Oh really? Yeah The first

They killed Kenny Wow It's also great That people like it Yeah Like this would suck If people were like We hate that show

It's shitty But people love it They can't say that They entertain so many people They just can't say it So it's like They keep coming after them it's like they stopped

because no one bowed down they just stopped and went away do you remember when they drew Muhammad they just put it on new episode this week no I mean the anger at them like we're gonna stop you

like this is a spoiler remember when they drew Muhammad but they drew Muhammad in a bear suit inside of a van yeah oh yeah they're the NWA of comedy

they go hard they go pretty fucking hard They also Every time I watch the episode I go Fuck I was wrong I'm gay They're right

Yeah If I had any opinion They They hit both sides So if like You're like Yeah you're attacking That other side

And they turn it To your side And you're like Ah damn it Damn it I'm lame And then you see You saw the documentary

Yeah You know And they're just Sitting in a room like, oh, the clock's ticking. We've got to figure out an angle here. It was the fucking, it was the human centipede one where he's like, oh, Kyrie. Yeah. A cuttlefish? Exactly. And then when you're like, maybe I should pull back on my comedy.

I go too dark. And then you see that and you're like, no, fuck it. That's fun. Yeah. Yeah, the thing about it is that it's that and you're like, no, fuck it. It's fun. The thing about it is that it's cartoons and they're not even remotely realistic cartoons. You can get away with so much.

And they never age. Not only gets too old. No, they age one year once. That was it. They went to fourth grade. Miss Chokes on Dick? It's like we can get a whole new set of teachers now aging one year. They're also right. That's the hard part.

Yeah. Remember when the teacher had a whore off with a parasail? Mr. Shave? Shove her up his ass? Yes. He was just so casual waiting. Shove her up his ass. No, that's Horry.

Mr. Shave? No, that's for sure Horry. Yeah. Okay, let me show you now. I learned about Rim Job from South Park. Yeah. What a show. The PC prints of all of it.

They've been on for what now? 25 years? 26 years? Literally my whole life. 1997, I think. Freshman year of college for me. I was thinking about it this week when I was watching the new episode. I was like, when this ends, I'm going to be fucking sad.

This has been my whole life. I wonder if they're ever going to end. They will eventually. Seems like they enjoy it doing it's so funny They have to be having they have enough to where they could be like we're taking three years off and anybody What I do like her those like whenever you want to come back. You're welcome to mm-hmm It's funny because like if you give people the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want you get a South Park But they're never gonna do that again

It was Colin Quinzec you know to dress it He was like, industry, if you got it right half the time, I could understand you talking. But you're right never. Don't you just want to shut up and let us fail on our terms? That's why the internet's great. We can just go to that. Well, they never – When are you going to say the pendulum's going to swing back?

Imagine that. Well, the pendulum is good for us, though. The pendulum not swinging back is good for the internet. Like, you could imagine if this show was on Comedy Central. Imagine the notes we would get. What, this? Yeah, Dari's doing whippets. We're doing bong hits.

We might or may not have done mushrooms. Nobody did mushrooms. Nobody did mushrooms, though. That's the thing. Mushrooms are bad. Comedy Central was right in this case. Yes, in this case. We definitely did not because those are not legal. They'd have a lot of notes, though. That's the thing. Mushrooms are bad. Comedy Central was right in this case. Yes, in this case. Because we did not do mushrooms.

We definitely did not because those are not legal. They'd have a lot of notes, though. We need more gays than just Jamie. It was so weird fighting with them. Jamie. Oh, this one's yours, Jamie. America! Oh, yeah, Jamie.

We hand that to Big J. Yeah, J-Mo! J-Mo, you got to get in on this, big dog. Come on, you big knife. You got to get in on this, big dog. Come on. Yeah, he's playing it for himself, hitting the music for himself. J-Mo, gets fired up.

Come on, J-Mo. Fired up, J-Mo. Look at how fast he sucks. Oh, man, he's got a big hole he's going to nuke. That's Columbus, Ohio in the fucking house. Pull this motherfucker up. Hell yeah. Suck on my balls.

You know who's underrated as a bro? Jamie. Jamie's the bro, man. Dude, when I see Jamie walk into a room, I go, yeah. Jamie's the bro. He's so quiet. He's jacked and he's quiet. He's the fucking Michael Jordan of podcast producers.

He cries. He's not even close. He's the goat. He fucking burps hard. Hell yeah. Jamie's the goat. He moved night we were trying I was trying to talk him into going to a strip club he's like gotta work yeah he wouldn't do it and he wanted to go tell you wanted to hang out with me and drink you can't go down that road didn't want to do it you hired the right guy got a good guy I'm mad at a

comedy club yeah I was trying all my tactics. America! Shane has good tactics. I'm pretty good at peer pressure. Yeah. The main one is just, you won't. That's your main one. Yeah, you just gotta do that for an hour. And then I'm about to be like, okay, I will. I gotta get out of here last night before this goes south.

It went south. I have my commitment. It doesn't work with women. My one hour in front of the computer commitment. I've tried that with girls. It did go south. It did go south. Actually, that was the first time I went.

That was actually, it went north. It went north. It was pretty fun. It did go south. Actually, that was the first time. That was actually, it went north. It went north. It was pretty fun. It was pretty fun. It went northwest. Nick's the shit. Nick's a good dude. Nick's a good egg.

Nick is. He looks like if Bart Simpson grew up. He's a good dude. He's a solid dude. Like when the club opens up, I'm 100% committed to still doing Vulcan. Really? Yeah, I want to do that too. That's competition. Yeah, not really

More sets unless I don't believe it. I believe it. That's like competition like doing someone else's podcast is like competition No, okay But not be here we flip the script the internet flip the script did you do one yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a percent Oh, he's already five years in He flipped the script. The internet flipped the script. Did you do one yet? Yeah. Yeah, you're up, Gil. 100%, bro. He's already five beers in. Yeah. Okay, I was waiting for it to cool off. I know.

Are you three beers in here? It'll cool off a little. No, four plus this one. Jesus Christ. I want six. Come on. Yeah, he's been holding whiskey. Where's this bodega cat?

You gotta wait till it kicks in. You gotta wait till the right time. Fuck yeah. Don't hold back. Get out of baby. Look at that neck. Fuck yeah. All right. I'm gonna get a new song.

Freedom is the only way. No, no. Don't get a new song. No, no, no, no, no. That's our song, man. Hey, can you prepare me an ice cold Freedom Burger? An ice cold bong? Hey, I'm gonna piss.

Try not to say anything to give me soup. All right, I'll be Rogan on the pissing. Hey, you want Freedom Burger? An ice cold bong. Hey, I'm going to piss. Try not to say anything to give me soup. All right, I'll be Rogan on the pisser. Hey, Marky. Yeah, you've lost it, old man. Fuck yeah. Yes. You're ice cold. I just lick my butt and suck on my balls.

Mancia was right about him. Dude, how much does Mancia roll, dude? Oh, man, he's a funny guy. I actually opened for him once. He was very nice. Did you really? Come on. I actually opened for him once. He was very nice. Come on. I swear to God. Really?

The Harrisburg, Second Street Comedy Club in Harrisburg. Woo, they have two clubs there? They did. It failed pretty quick. Yeah, yeah. And I was the only host. And I did the sound, the lights, and the hosting. You did the turn your cell phones off?

No, there was no announcements. I was drunk doing the hosting. I was doing turn your cell phones off? No, there was no announcements. I was drunk doing the hosting. I was doing the announcements from the piano. The piano player wasn't there at the comedy store. I was like, guys, turn your phones off. Make sure to be there. Be quiet. Hey, we had an earthquake last week. Aren't earthquakes weird?

I started to pitch and the master was like, no! No! I had to open for a comic. I don't want to name him But he he played he was like I want my intro song to be Sex on Fire by Kings of Leon Of course God you're a fucking loser. Cut straight! It is actually a great song, but that's gay to say you like it That's what you gotta take to your grave. And that can't be your bring up music.

Yeah, as an intro song in comedy. I've been doing Black Skinhead. Intro songs. See, that's corny. You can't pick a too cool of a song. It's so cool. It's just the beat up front. Yeah.

I don't want to fucking do, hey, maybe that song. I come out to Top's Drop by Fat Pat. There you go. You know who else comes out to that? Who? Who's a black dude, heavyweight. My balls was hot. Lavelle Crawford.

Oh. Derek Lewis. H-Town. It's a Houston classic. Derek's the man. That's what he comes out to. The best come out music was Homer Simpson. It's so good.

Why can't we be friends? Listen to how good this is as an intro song. Wait till it kicks in. You should do that bong when it hits in. That is catchy. That's fun, right? This is not too serious. This is Fat Pat.

Oh, shit. This is catchy. That's fun, right? This is not too serious. This is Fat Pat. Oh, shit. This is Mr. Pat. That's a classic. That's a classic. That's a great one. You know, my favorite was, I didn't know the UFC that well, but when Wonderboy fought Tyron Woodley. Like, I rarely watched UFC.

Yeah. And then Wonderboy came out to fucking Tenacious D, Wonderboy. Tyron Woodley and he like I rarely watched UFC yeah and then Wonderboy came out to fucking Tenacious D Wonderboy good for him and he was fighting

Woodley who at the time was just a yoked fucking black dude and then you see this like karate guy coming out to

Tenacious D and I was like come on brother please give us one he's a good fighter, though. Who, Wonderboy? Yeah.

Wonderboy's the man. Fucking unreal. Wonderboy's the man. But I think he did lose that one. I think it was a draw. Oh. I think it was a draw. All right.

But there was one point. It was a draw. There was one point where Woodley had him in the deepest guillotine you've ever seen. Wonderboy. Yeah. And then he popped his head out, and it was like, ah. Ah, Whitey. It was a great fight.

There was two great fights. That was McGregor versus Alvarez, wasn't it? I think it was that night. I think the best fight is Gaethje versus Michael Johnson. It's a fucking bloodbath. That's a great fight. That's a great fight. That was Gaethje's first fight in the UFC.

What? No way. Yeah, it was. Yeah, Gaethje had come over from the PFL. He was the PFL champion and he came over to the UFC and it was like one of the most exciting prospects. I remember

thinking like, this guy's wild. He goes down like twice. He's the most violent guy in the most violent sport. He's my favorite fighter to watch. Gaethje? Gaethje's not that. Diaz, dude. Well, Diaz is fun. Personality, fun-loving guy. He's a character. He's a dude. Well, Diaz is fun personality, fun loving guy. No, but he also

He's a character. He's a car. He's a car. The last several fights he's been in I was at his fight with Epstein where he fucking

gave the fingers. We were like sitting there and we're like, what? Epstein. Our jujitsu guy. Jesus Christ. Epstein.

Epstein. Oh yeah, the jujitsu guy. Epstein. Oh. You know him. Oh yeah. I thought you were saying

he's fighting Epstein. And he was like I thought you were saying he's fighting Epstein. And he was like, what? Oh, you were with Epstein. Yeah, he was giving the fingers. And it was like, what? That's not part of it. Him versus Rocky, who's... Marciano.

No. Leon Edwards. Him versus Leon Edwards. Oh, yeah. So he catches doing the triangle. He does this. Flexes. Yeah, that's fun.

He's got two minutes left. There's zero chances. Full-on lock on the triangle. He doesn't Does this. Fuck that. Flexes. Yeah, that's fun. He's got two minutes left. There's zero chance it's not over. Full on lockdown. Tap. He doesn't have to grab his head. It's over. That was my favorite. Joe, that was like my favorite call you did was him walking.

You're like, he's walking towards him like a fucking horror movie. He knows his lock is a zero chance. He's banged up just like still walking. That was 08. Yeah. Holy moly. He was the younger brother then. Yeah.

He wasn't his own man yet. That's a good point. Yeah, you're right. But still, wicked jiu-jitsu. Nasty jiu-jitsu. Purple belt. Does he still say that? What? He was saying he was a purple belt for a long time. Was he? I'd be like, shut up, dude. Just a purple belt. That's fine. He landed on

Leon, the slap and the straight. When he hit him with that straight left hand, he was like, ooh. Gotcha, bitch. See, that's why it's the fun. Oh, my God. When he hit him with that straight left hand, he's like, ooh. Gotcha, bitch. See, that's why it's the fun of sport, because they have personalities. Like, the Dolphins are just the Dolphins. Nah, you'd be surprised. You'd be surprised.

Well, you showed me some Jalen Hurts stuff. They didn't let him fucking go nuts on air anymore. Yeah, they contain those guys. They try to sell sponsors. Yeah, but they have helmets on. They sell way more. They've contained them for a while, but now there's Twitter.

True. So like... You know he's a flat earther now. After that game. Yeah. That helps. Well, eventually they all become flat earthers. They get dinged in the head and mouth.

What music does Nate come out to? The sky's not real. What does he come out to? I don't know. What does Nate Diaz come out to? I'll tell you what he comes out to. I'll take a California Love and then switch to something.

California Love. Too short? 99 Bitches? 99,900 Bitches? 99 Red Balloons. West Coast. Luftwaffe. Yeah.

Walk-out music's important. I love when a Brazilian comes out and just whistles and drums and bullshit. I was in Brazil with Rogan, our first Brazil fight, and they were all chanting. Nate Diaz walked up to a mashup of four songs. Oh, wow. Could you play it? DMX mashup of four songs. Wow. Could you mashup?

Could you play it? DMX, Lil Wayne, Drake. Wow. He had four songs. And Tupac. Interesting. Wow. Pull up.

What is Tupac? Interesting. Hit it, J-Mo. So he just fucking mixed it all up. The way I am was at the Garden. I was at that one. Whoa. That was pretty sick.

That was the fucking bad motherfucker. Moskvall. Moskvall. Which I wish they hadn't done. I was at that one. Whoa, which was pretty sick. That was the fucking bad mother fucks Well, which I wish they hadn't done Bad motherfucker belt sucked. It's like they were too aware of it. It's kind of fun though That's his mashup Masvidal comes out and there's not there's not much like a world championship walk out at the UFC Sometimes I take my headset off. Like when I'm sitting there doing commentary, when someone's walking out, I just take my headset off just to take it in.

To feel like a fan, see? Just to take it in. Yeah. I'm a fan, man. I'm a professional fan. He comes out to Scarface, which is fucking sick. One of the cool things about being a UFC commentator is I'm just like really a professional fan.

What did Anderson come out to? He came out to DMX, right? Didn't Anderson come out to DMX? I like the gi because they look like nerds and then they kick ass. Olden days. We were at a fight. Ain't no sunshine. That's a classic.

That's a good one. That's a classic. What's this? Is Anderson's walking out? Ain't no sunshine. Bill Withers. Yeah. Bill Withers was the fucking man.

He died of COVID and everyone was like, he's alive? He made me so sad. I love that guy's music. He's great. That song, Use Me? Yes. Oh, my God. That's such a good song.

Yeah. That was in, you know what was nice? I'm fucked up. What? They put it in Any Given Sunday. You ever see that movie? Yeah. Awesome.

Pacino. But what's his name? How Pacino? The old quarterback, Cap Rooney. He's like the veteran all-star. He was hurt, and then he comes back in the playoffs, and they play Use Me. It's such a perfect song. Wow.

It's like a guy whose body's destroyed, and it's like you keep on using him. RG Me. It's such a perfect song. It's like a guy whose body's destroyed. It's like you keep on using it. Yeah. It is. That's what my wife says. Use Me. How nice is that? Oh, what a great song this is.

Boy, you pulled out a quick game. Perfect for a geezer quarterback that's getting fucking hurt. Good catch on the song. Let me just hear just the song. Let me hear Bill Withers use the uniforms. Let's go to the ball and it plays it. They're stupid. You think football players watch this and go like the way we watch stand-up in movies?

Probably. It's like, that's not the way it is. I mean, that's just wild. Everything. The guy loses an eye in that game. Movies fuck up everything. Loses an eye. Movies fuck up everything. They do.

There's no way they get it right. They never do. Like every boxing movie. Every time someone plays pool in a movie. He hated Whiplash. That movie Whiplash was so fucking sick. It was such a good movie. Great movie. But she was like, he's a jazz musician.

He goes, there's no jazz competitions. He just couldn't get over that. Oh, yeah, I get it. The same way we couldn't get over fucking lockers and punchline. Kumite's. No. And kickboxer. The Kumite with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah. And you're like, no, we don't do that. Is that Bloodsport? Yeah, Bloodsport. You're right. You're right. That's how I am with football movies.

It just ruins. I get it. There's like a giant hit on every play. Yeah. That would be the biggest hit of the entire season. Season, yeah. Remember the movie Warrior? The movie Warrior?

Oh, yeah. The fight with one hand tied behind your back? No, no, no. That's Red Belt. Warriors with Tom Hardy? Yeah. The movie Warrior, they fight two days in a row. I go, this is fucking I was in the movie theater. I was like, you can't.

You're killing me. These guys would be swollen up. Their faces would look like watermelons. They'd be so busted up. Yeah, they're fine the next day. There's not a fucking chance you're fighting two days in a row. Yeah but look at those hot guys. He's good. Too many guys are getting flat lined and you're fucking getting elbowed in the face.

Who's that guy on the right? That's his brother. They fight. The brother's the actor. He's a hot guy. They're both hot guys. Couple of hugs. It wasn't the worst movie but there's a suspension of disbelief that's required.

I don't know how to open up my throat, but this guy just sips it for a while. You don't know how to open up your throat because you poisoned it with whippets. Finish it. It's done. I'm enjoying the show. You're so sad. I'm going to hit the bathroom again. I'm going to look at some of these bottles. I think they do that with a military too they have all these fake things side by

sides of versus there's like a movie there's a movie where it's like everybody's fucking Hispanic and black and all right lady and then here's the squad it was based off of its five chubby dudes with beards Right exactly they have the woman general. Oh man. They fucked that up Movies yeah the woman Like a fucking diner shitty diner for hot dogs, and we walked by a Lifetime original, like, billboard,

and it was two female cops with, like, with their guns out with, like, a male cop sergeant behind them, and Rogan goes, Lifetime is sci-fi for women.

Oh. That's good. That's fun. Total fiction, bro. That's a bit. That's what it felt like What if we were the ones Who were like

Fucking beating up guys We're the bad guys We're Charlie's angels They always are like Men of the world We're toxic But then they just do it In the movie

They do it We're gonna do karate And then we do karate And like And we'll pay our own bills And the big guy Tried to beat me up And I was like

No way There's nothing funny Than karate with pumps on It's hard enough And we'll pay our own bills. And the big guy tried to beat me up, and I was like, no way. There's nothing funnier than karate with pumps on. It's hard enough to do karate barefoot. You're wearing pumps. And then the movie bombs, but then Fifty Shades of Grey is like best seller. Isn't that crazy? The Fifty Shades of Grey thing is so nuts. They love it.

My buddy said he was like on dating apps or dating girls at the time. He's like, dude, girls want me to spit in their mouth now, like out of nowhere. Who said that? I was like, what? I'll tell you later. Okay, okay, okay. Somebody. He was realizing what was happening because of Fifty Shades of Grey, that women were into

getting choked and spit on and stuff. Oh, yeah. And he was like, out of nowhere. It's like the movie changed fantasies. It changed the game. nowhere. It's like the movie changed fantasies. Definitely. That's a... The billionaire who's like a bad boy, but you get to control him.

Yeah. It's never a poor guy. McCusker. He's got to be a millionaire. McCusker had a funny joke about that. He was a fucking plumber. Everybody would be like, God damn, that guy's a rapist. That's what I'm saying.

Some guy in a trailer that was like, I'm going to beat the hell out of you. Yeah, it's never a janitor. But the guy with the fucking private jet, I'm good. Good choice. Good choice, old man. J-Mo, you're coming up soon. J-Mo, you're up. He can take them down like Chinatown.

J-Mo loves it. I'm just disappointed that you guys don't want to do the cold punch. Wow. And the whippets. That was part of the plan last night. I know, but I put my hand in that last time, and it sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the whole point.

It hurts. Sucks. I've never done a cold plunge in my life. Let's go. It ain't fun. Let me black out. Let's fucking go. Let my body go numb.

Yeah, there you go. It'll wake you up, too. If you're in a blackout and you cold plunge, you'll be up and at them. That's West Point, baby. Hey, not to bring this down, but I was reading this article today. Oh, no. Fuck you. This is about the Maxi.

Give me a fucking budget. I was reading this article today about a slaughterhouse that got fined for having too many children working there. Now we're talking. Children working at a slaughterhouse. That wasn't bad. And so then I read this article that was researching this slaughterhouse as one of the worst safety records

in the entire country. This slaughterhouse, they've had decapitations there. Like a bunch of people have died, but people got decapitated. More than 100 children have been discovered to be illegally employed by a slaughterhouse cleaning firm across the country.

Federal authorities and the Department of Labor announced that a federal investigation found Wisconsin-based Packers Sanitation Services employed at least 102 children. Now, who are these hero kids that are like, I'll do this at 13? These kids are animals. Ranging from 13 to 17 years old. Get a job. To work overnight shifts at 13 meat processing facilities.

Can you imagine being 13 and you're cleaning saws? These are good kids. Bone saws and brisket saws and head splitters. That's how we're gonna beat Russia. Right. Send over these fucking 13 year olds. A 14 year old child worked at a Nebraska facility from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m., five to six days a week. Good kids.

From December 2021 to April 2022, clean machines used to cut meat. Wow. At one point, the child fell asleep in class and also missed class after suffering injuries as a result of chemical burns. Fuck school. Several other children were also reported to have suffered from chemical burns. Holy fuck, man. Good for them. Yeah.

Tough kids. 1.5 million in civil penalties. It's funny. If there's different guests on here right now, they'd give us a lot more weight. Look at this stuff. Look at this. Go back up. Scroll.

Look at this. The Department of Labor assessed them $15,000 for each minor-aged employee. That's it. $15,000. It's worth it. A year? So according to the news release, the PSSI had paid $1.5 million in civil money penalties. And the Palestine thing, I think they sent like $25,000.

They're like, here you go. Wait, do you know what $1.5 million is? It means 20 cases of it. It means you've only been fined 20 times. How do you like that? Good math. Yeah. Once you put the dollar sign, I can know what 1.5 million is? It means 20 cases of it. It means you've only been fined 20 times. How do you like that? Good math. Yeah. Once you put the dollar sign, I can do the math.

There you go. America! You're up, Eddie. Jameson, you're up. You're that guy, man. You're that guy who wants everybody to be as fucked up as you. I'm sober as a bird. Come on, come on, come on.

Get in there. I'm sober as a bird. Come here. This is actually the most sober? Go birds. This is the most sober I've been on one of these. There you go J-Mo! I mean this guy's a beast! This might be a sloppy, like you're gonna be talking, camera's gonna be on me.

JB's over there spinning dizzy. Hell yeah. We doing the gravity bomb? Make my butt and sock my butt. Who's doing the gravity bomb? Don't even bring that. We're going to be done. Don't bring that out. It's like Gomez. It's done.

Just go pee. You can't stand up. It'll ruin the show. Don't bring up the gravity. We can barely stand up. See him standing up with his little pigeon toe. Don't fucking. Squeezing his giant balls and dick together between his legs.

God damn. You've seen it. I've seen his dick a thousand times. It's a wild package. He's got a giant hog. Talk about how nice your dick is. He's got a giant hog. Talk about how nice your dick is. Get a giant hog. Get a giant hog.

It's big. I wouldn't say it's nice. That thing looked like a wizard's wand. Yeah. It's all crooked. It's curved. It's got three parts up. Three parts.

Little knots in it. It's got knots. God damn. There's a little gnome in there. A wizard's wand. That thing was fucked up. I saw it like two hours ago. Yeah. Yeah, I'll show it to you anytime you want. It's a little gnome in there. A wizard's wand. That thing was fucked up. I saw it like two hours ago. Yeah.

Yeah, he'll show it to you anytime you want. It's a real bag of tricks. He used to pull that on stage. Yeah, he did. I would. Yeah. If I had a don, dude, I've got a little fucking nub sticking out. Same.

I'm not showing anyone that thing. Especially in high pressure situations. Yeah, the worst. I had a girl one time, or an old lady I fucked, and she was like, I was taking my belt off and she goes, you better not have a small dick. And I'm like, jeez, where do we go from here? I mean, I got what I got. Old ladies are nice to have sex with.

Oh, she was a squirter. Ew. Yeah. Old lady who's incontinent. Old lady squirter is terrible. Yeah, just metapixel and prune juice coming at me. Every asparagus she's ever eaten in her life is in that piss.

I felt like I was on duty. She's like, I have eight kids, four grandkids. You gotta please me. Four grandkids? Who the fuck did you fuck? She was Puerto Rican. She was like 19. Who was this lady, dude? Some gal I met back in the old days.

She had grandchildren. You missed it, Ari. She said she had grandchildren and he has to please her. She said you better not have a small dick and then she pissed all over him. I was like 25. I went to work. I clocked in.

I had a hard hat on. Wow. Oh, my God. But, I mean, my sheets were ruined. And I was poor. Lived in an Ikea bed. How much did she squirt? Oh, my God.

It was wild. We had to sleep in the corner of the bed after because it was just so ruined. Squirters are nuts. And it was cold in my room. I fucked a squirter once. I pulled her jeans around her ankles and she's like no no I gotta walk home from here You gotta take them all the way off Wow I like a squirt it's like a squirt it shows you did some stuff

I like when they don't tell you Even better That's why you're fucking with me like what the fuck When they lie and say this has never happened before Yeah Now the better that rooster tail coming at ya How much of it is piss? Zero Ah 10%

Zero? No, I think it's a lot. I think it's most of it. I think everything that's not pissed is just residue. Either way I'll take it. Sam Tripoli's joke, he goes, you ever been pissed on by a man? She's like, no. To some girl on the crowd, he goes, you ever shower with a man? Then you've been pissed on. Oh, that's funny. I'm a big shower whiz guy. Shower whiz. Yeah, I think everybody is.

Yeah, who doesn't pee in the shower? What's wrong with you? I think it's just made for it. Yeah. It happens every single time. You think women do it? 100%. You got it.

You let it run down their legs like a dude? 100%. They get to pee standing up for the first time. Why wouldn't they? They're showering. Water's flowing. You got to pee. Let it go.

It's pretty hot. It's just water. It's pretty hot. I like just water. It's pretty hot. I like to think about it. Yeah. My ex loved a shower fuck. Really? Which I didn't love.

It's uncomfortable. It's not the right positions. It's dangerous. The water's a little slippery. It causes chafing. A little chafe. You take a lubricant. Juices you need.

Love a good juice. Love a juice. You're going to need some juices down there. This juice is loose. People practice fucking everywhere. Try it everywhere. I fucked in the ocean once. That doesn't work.

That's crazy. A lot of salt. Salt water gets in a lady's fucking pussy. Salt water gets in your dick hole. She had salt water in your dick hole. Bad juice. Beach is the worst. We thought we were slick.

It was very obvious. Yeah. I've done that. Just me and a lady just out there like. You try to have a conversation. You try to like fake it. We're not were slick. It was very obvious. Yeah. I've done that. It's just me and a lady just out there like. And you try to have a conversation. You try to like fake it. We're not fucking here. Hey, look at the sun.

It's so beautiful. We're obviously fucking. So glad we're here. How about that Fauci? You gotta fake it. Yeah, it's not good. Ever see Gavin's video a long time ago about how to pee in public? Rosedale?

No. And he was like, it was like showing you how to pee in public. It was so funny. I saw it. And he's like, you gotta pretend like you're, he's like, I like showing you how to pee in public yeah it was so funny and he's like you gotta pretend like you're art he's like

I said sell at 45 and his dick's out he's like you don't sell at 50 you sell at 45 and he's just pissing it's all these different ways yeah newspaper rolled up

I thought it was a newspaper yeah newspaper rolled up through the newspaper yeah great diversions that was a funny video there's so many guys

pissing the streets and cities I mean New York I've done it I've done it I gotta find a place to piss I think I pissed last night in the city where'd you go just wherever there's so many guys pissing in the streets and cities. Oh, yeah. I've done it. I've done it. I've got to find a place to piss. I think I pissed last night in the city. Where'd you go?

Just wherever. There's so many alleys in Austin. New York, you've got to find a place where it's like no one's on the street. No one's behind me. I got like two minutes. And once you commit, you're like, look, I'm peeing. Yeah, you can't pinch it. Somebody finds you like, sorry, I'm pissing in public.

Yeah. They're going to look down on me. I'm in Bourbon Street. Do you know that in some places, if you get caught pissing in public, if you're close to a school, they say you're a sex offender, and they can write you up as someone who's exposing himself? I've heard of this. I know a guy who got in trouble because he went outside of a pool hall to take a piss, and it was really close to a school.

I'll tell you what, if I was a sex offender, I'd be like, I was just pissing. I was just pissing. Well, I think he actually was just taking offender, I'd be like, I was just pissing. I was just pissing. Well, I think he actually was just taking a piss, though. You had your dick out. Are you sure? I was just taking a piss. I'm not sure.

If I was a sex offender, I'd go, I was taking a piss. These motherfuckers. I feel like if that's something you do, you do it more than just once. You said I was whacking off at the playground? I wasn't doing that. When you're 34, you just decide to go show everybody your dick. We got a friend that got in trouble fucking in a car at a school. Okay.

Someone commits disorderly conduct when he or she exposes his anus or genitals in a public place and is reckless. I exposed my anus. And is reckless about whether another person may be present who will be offended or alarmed by his act. I knew you would be

alarmed or offended. Notice how they say his act. They say genitals, but they don't be offended or alarmed by his act. I knew you would be alarmed or offended. Notice how they say his act. They say genitals, but they don't say vagina or an asshole of a girl. Yeah. His act. It should be their act. It says his act. Now, they know what they're doing.

Interesting. Also, they know no one's going to be offended by a nice fat pussy at the playground. Nice fat pussy pissing all over the place. Pissing on a seal. I love a pussy. A disgusting pussy while I was a child. A shot of Harry Potter. You squirting on a seal disgusting pussy while I was trying to Harry Potter squirting on a

seesaw oh that's hot dude it was so great fucking Weinstein talking to everybody about fucking science shit and then Shane

and me and Egan and Tony are just setting each other disgusting pictures over air drops I was so jealous I was like I want to be over there

oh it was so funny when Weinstein sat down on the floor he just doesn't know how to hang when he sat down on the floor. He just doesn't know how to hang. When he sat down on the floor like a mermaid.

I was like, I was drinking. I was like, God damn. The thing about comics is like once, if something is funny, we're going to

concentrate on that. And like, he kept trying to like bring up this point and like, no, no, no. I can't forget about the fact the way

you're sitting. You can see Rogan trying to focus on him, but he's like looking at us laughing. He's like, I want to be there. point and like no no no I can't forget about the fact the way you're sitting focus on him but he's like looking at us laughing like I want to be there could you bring up the mermaid sculpture in Denmark you think it's the same what I know it's the same Copenhagen once I went to piss and I came back and he was still doing and I was like you gotta let it go. These guys are not listening anymore. Adam went to take a piss. Yep. That's exactly the post.

He was there, that's him. But fatter and jewier. He was doing that, and I was sitting there going... It's fun getting smart guys drunk. Really smart guys that get drunk. He's having fun. Have a good time. He went off.

The Fibonacci sequence is not what it's cracked up to be. The Hadron Collider. Laughing hard at the show. He was having fun. Those guys never let loose on that level. Never. I'm excited to do Stand Up Tonight. Oh, I forgot.

It's going to be fun. That's going to be fun. Mark, do one more bong. Last night was amazing. Hold on. Let me get this whiskey down first. So excitingong Last night was amazing Hold on, let me get this whiskey down first So exciting Last night was fucking sick

Yeah, it's ridiculous You missed the ending, probably better you left You stopped doing the fucking Q&As Yeah I liked those I do those sometimes I still do them sometimes But that was a long ass show

By the time I got on stage, I was five people in. It's wild. You let an hour and a half go, a full show go before you get on. I've done two hours before. I don't go on stage until two hours into the show. Yikes. Yeah, but we're just trying to do something out here. Trying to have some fun.

The crowds are awesome. They're having a good time. That was my favorite part of your show, though. Because you do the whole show, and then there's a bunch of people that are there to see you that are like, this is Joe Rogan. Then you'd be like, all right, you have any questions? They'd be like, yeah. You'd be like, shut up, dumbass.

You'd see a dude's life just get destroyed. Oh, yeah. Joe did this when we were touring. Before there was any internet clips or anything like that, he would set up two mics on the aisles. He'd say, come and ask me a question. Never recorded. And it was like, good question, good question.

And then he would do exactly that. You suck. Fuck you. It was a dumb ass question. Someone's fucking your wife. And they're like, no. Well, it's when guys get aggressive. Yeah.

Some guys, they get aggressive with you. They're like, what are you doing, stupid? They try to show their knowledge of your life. Yeah. You know,

like you say Terry's is the best. Shut up. Shut up, dummy. That's not a real question. You got it? Oh, look at him. Do it fast that way. Oh, shit. You know, like, you say Terry's is the best, but it's a shut-up. Shut-up, dummy. That's not a real question. You got it? Oh, look at him. You did it fast that way. Oh, shit.

Although you're still holding it like there's stuff left in there. I know. That's how he holds it. Yeah. Maybe a little left. You know who I saw do that first time? Seinfeld. When I went to see Seinfeld, I was 19 years old.

I went to see Seinfeld in Boston. And he did this thing. He did a set. This is like when Seinfeld wasn't really Seinfeld yet he wasn't like he was just a really known stand-up comic was the 88 yeah somewhere on that no it's actually earlier than that I hadn't done stand-up yet so it had to be 87 because uh yeah it was like I was probably 19 or 20 and and I went and stand-up, and then after he did stand-up, he would ask questions and then go in and it seemed like bits. He had bits on there.

It was like he was just riffing. I was like, this is amazing. This guy's just riffing all these things that people were bringing up about subjects. I guess that's how it would help him write. Yeah, yeah. He'd come up with new subjects. I did that with Jew. I was like, what do you guys

always want to know about Jewish people? Right. We used to do that. Ask a Jew at the store. Ask a Jew and A with Bears. Yeah. And then eventually

I'd be like, okay, this is definitely what non-Jews don't know about us. This is the bits I gotta write. Can we do that now? I got questions.

We can do it now. We'll do it this day and one night. What's with the wigs? Loopholes. It's all loopholes. Yeah. You can't be attracted to another woman's wife, another man's wife, and hair is something

they're attracted to. So the Jewish, intelligent Jewish women are like, what if it's someone else's hair? What about tits? They cover those up. Ah. What a bummer. What about great floppy Jewish tits? They're so good.

Floppy? Jew globes are the best globes. Big Jewish flmer. What about great floppy Jewish tits? They're so good. Floppy? Jew globes are the best globes. Big Jewish flops. Globes? You call them globes? Jew globes. Jewish ladies do have wonderful tits. They do.

Underrated. Part about Judaism. Jew broads. Great tits on Jew broads. Yeah. You know what else? I like the nose. You like that?

I love the honker. I like a big nose on a lady. Give me a schnoz. Why do you like a big nose on a lady? I don't know. Something about it. I do, too. I like it.

Character. Bill's character. Barbra Streisand was hot. Oh, yeah. Disgusting. She was young. She was young. She was hot.

What are you talking about? Pull up a young Barbra Streisand. Look at this fucking scarecrow you're about to see. You're not even my ass. She's hot. She was sexy. Are you reverting to your ass? She had clear skin and a disgusting face.

Is this your bit? No. Natalie Barber, though. Of course she was hot. I thought about her. She had clear skin and a disgusting face. Is this your bit? Natalie, look at her, though. I've thought about her. She's a hebe. Scarlett Johansson's a hebe. Look at this girl. She was hot. Look at the girl.

Go left one. Beautiful eyes. She was hot, dude. Look at those eyes. Shut up. Shut up. Show makeup. That's it.

You don't think she was hot? You're out of your fucking mind. She's cross-eyed. She's inbred. I like that. I dated a girl who had a wonky eye. I was attracted to You're out of your fucking mind. She's cross-eyed. She's inbred. I like that. I dated a girl who had a wonky eye. I was attracted to wonky eyes for years. Yeah.

Same girl told me to leave the fucking white snake tape behind. It's hot. They look like aliens. You got J-Mo back there. She's hot, dude. King of the wonk eyes. J-Mo the wonk eyes. Oh, easy.

You don't think she's hot? No. She's so juicy. She's so hot. What are you guys talking about? Oh, dude, you're out of your mind. Well, she's like 100 there. Look at her face there. She's hot? No. She's hot. It's so hot. What are you guys talking about? Oh, dude, you're out of your mind. Well, she's like 100 there. Look at her face there. She's an old lady. That's a hot

lady. No. She's hot, dude. You're crazy. What about Sarah Jessica Parker young? Look how close her eyes are. That's unnatural. That's unnatural. Look at her eyes. You're out of your mind. You're doing this again. You keep doing this. Look at her eyes. These are your people. So hot. Why don't you love your people? You do this a lot. You pretend to not love your people. She's never been hot. That's a this. Look at her eyes. These are your people. So hot. Why don't you love your people? You do this a lot.

You pretend to not love your people. She's never been hot. Look at that. If you saw her tomorrow at the grocery store. I mean, I'd fuck a pig. That's not. She was hot. Pull up Sarah Jessica Parker as a youth.

God, I love Sarah Jessica Parker. Not too young. I'm talking like eight. Eight, nine. Sarah Jessica Parker, early 60s. L.A. Story. That was like the first girl I was obsessed with. Same. I loved her. Big, 9. Sarah Jessica Parker. LA Story. Early Sex in the City? LA Story. That was like the first girl I was obsessed with. Same.

I loved her. Big blonde hair. You and me on the same page on this. You got that right. Women love that show. They love Sex in the City. Sarah Jessica Parker? Is that LA Story? Wait, that's not a great photo.

Doesn't matter. I liked it. Fly the Navigator. She was just young. No, but she's dewy. Young, fucking me. Horse face. Family goes right. That's just young. No, but she's dewy. Young, horse face. Family goes right.

That's horse face. No, no. She was big in the 80s. She was a sex sim. Look at that with the bra. When did she become... Look at her tits. That's great. That's a cool gal. She just pulled up and came out in 87. She was in that. Damn. She was in a movie in 87? Wow. When was L.A. Story? Go with the red pants.

I mean, look. that's a hot woman. No, zoom it in the face. Dude, she's hot. Although, how old was she in all these seven? Let's chill. Why don't we find her Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker? Sex and the City was a wild show for ladies, right? It was wild.

They loved it. The first show for ladies that, like, ladies would just go out and get fucking hammered. Yeah, there's an episode where they fuck a black guy, and she's like, I don't know. This is crazy. for ladies that like ladies can just go out and get fucking hammered. Yeah. Let's go. There's an episode where they fuck a black guy and she's like, I don't know.

This is crazy. This is a bad idea. He's going to steal my purse. It was a whole thing. What? Yeah. Really? It was the 90s.

Wow. That was the 90s, right? Oh, yeah. Toddling Cattrall. No, I liked the other one. Who was the nice one? The brunette was really soft. That one lady. The redhead was crazy. Kim Cattrall. No, I liked the other one. Who was the nice one? The brunette was really soft. That one lady.

The redhead was crazy. Kim Cattrall. What's her name? She was fucking smoking hot when she was young. Even on Sex and the City, she was still pretty fucking hot. She was pretty hot then. She was older, but pretty. Is that Robert Downey Jr.?

Yeah, they dated. They were an item. Look at that. He was a fun-loving drug addict. He loved drugs. I would have loved to hang out with him then. Yeah. Up till about midnight And then I'd be like

Hey dude you gotta take off Yeah at one two in the morning You'd be with me He loved the cocaine You'd be with him I really wanted to go uptown I'd be there I'd be there

Yeah I'd be like yep I'd say yeah He got arrested at a Radiohead concert I remember Did he really? Yeah I remember being a kid And seeing that headline

Being like alright He led away in chains That dude did real time Yeah he did Radiohead concert, I remember. Did he really? Yeah, I remember being a kid and seeing that headline and being like, all right, that's That dude did real time. Yeah, he did. He did real time for drugs. Yeah. HBO real time. Well, that was a good show. He had politically incorrect, real time, and now, is it still real time?

Yeah, that's- Oh, sorry, okay. That's his show, right? I thought that was the old one. You still real time? Yeah. Oh, sorry. That's the show, right? I thought that was the old one. You want to go on coffee? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know we could do that. Some warm liquor.

You want some? Don't check your phone, you son of an onion. Why? We're on a pod. Shut up. What are you doing? Come on. Just look at my telephone.

It's Uncle sending him more fucking stories. Yeah, he's telling me. Charlie. Tell me about the hookers. Oh, I can't imagine what the jungle horror. Yeah, what were the hookers when you got to leave? So you got to go into, like, Saigon? And, like, got to go nuts?

You got a good Vietnam look. If that hat was green? Yeah, you could be a soldier. Yeah, you look like a good Vietnam guy. I look like Paddington Bear. Oh, Jesus. Berenstain. Berenstain Bears.

The Jew Bear. Oh, Jesus. Berenstain. Berenstain Bears. The Jew Bear. There's a guy who fights in the UFC, Paul Craig. His nickname is the Bear Jew. Is he Jew? Awesome. Yeah. Really? I believe so.

Not a lot of Jewish fighters anymore. Paul Craig? Badass submission fighter. Okay. Yeah. Love it. Okay. Yeah. Love it. That's Josh.

Where does he live? Where's he from? I knew it was this guy. Oh, I love Scotland. Where? The bear Jew. Scotland. Holy hell. He just lost.

Yeah. He was knocked out by Johnny Walker. Facepaint. He was doing all that. Yeah. He's lost. He's won. He's a wicked submission artist, though.

One of the best in the world off his back. He's 3-2-0-5, just like me after this weekend. Wah! A little bit different composition, though. Probably of the best in the world off his back. 6'3", 205, just like me after this weekend. A little bit different composition, though. Probably a little different. A little different than you, but whatever. Point is, 205 is the main thing. You'd fuck him up in a court of law.

That's all that matters. That's why you guys built that. Bringing the barrister. What about Cyril Gans going after old Jonesy? Yeah, that's a crazy fight. When is it? I love Jones' back. That's March, weekend of March 3rd and 4th. Ooh, baby. When's the last time Jones fought?

He hasn't fought in three years. Whoa. Yeah. That's got to be the main storyline. Is he going to be fresh enough? And he's a heavyweight now. He's got those elbows. Moved up to heavyweight, so is he going to be able to compete?

Cyril Gans is a freak. He's a monster. I mean, Jon Jones is also a freak. Yeah, they're both freaks. No, obviously, but. Who do you got? I'll never bet against Jon Jones. Zero Gaunt, bet against him.

Jon feels like he's in his prime. Gaunt feels like he's in his prime. He killed Lewis. Jon's probably still in his prime as well. Tui Vassa fight was. Yeah. I love Tui Vassa. I do, too.

He's a fun-loving guy. And he was swinging in that fight. Yeah. He was taking those body kicks the whole time. I know. It was like sad. Yeah. But he would still fucking.

That gut would jiggle. Jon Jones minus 150. I'm going zero gun. I'm going zero gun. Well, it's the first time that he's ever fought a heavyweight. No, no, it's not. What do you mean? It's not true.

What do you mean? He's fought a heavyweight before. When? Jon Jones. Yeah. He went up to heavyweight one time. No. No,? He's fought a heavyweight before. When? Jon Jones? Yeah. He went up to heavyweight one time. No, no, he's never gone to heavyweight. Are you thinking light heavyweight?

He's a light heavyweight. He's a light Cormier. Trust me, I'm a professional. He was there in all of them. Yeah. He's never fought heavyweight. Oh, Anderson still went up to light heavyweight for one fight. There you go.

Yeah, a couple fights. I heard Stipe's coming back. Yeah, yeah, they're trying to, well, I think probably what they'll probably try to do is the winner of Jon Jones and Cyril Ghosn will fight Stipe. If that makes sense to me. Why Stipe, he doesn't need to do it still. I'm worried about that guy. He wants to do it. He wants to beat Jones.

Still wants to do it. He wants to beat Jon Jones? Yeah. The Jones is too technical. Why wouldn't he want that? Stipe's great, but. Well, Stipe is also like one of the greatest heavyweights of all time. Yeah, that's right.

Look at his accomplishments, his record, defended the heavyweight title more than anybody. That's the hardest one to defend. Beating all these legends. Heavyweight's the hardest title to defend. He lives in Ohio. For sure. He might be... Cleveland in the fucking house.

Yeah. You know who was the man? It was fucking Chido Vera. Mm-hmm. That guy's tough. How funny was that? Remember that dinner? I know.

Chido's the man. We had a good time. That dinner was so fucking funny. You guys had that one? Oh yeah, for hours. Till like 3 o'clock in the morning. We went and got dinner after a show and it was us and Cheeto just eating fucking steak. Cheeto was saying the funniest. He's fun.

Talking about why he trains. He's like, if I see a beautiful woman, I just have to run. Whoa. He's like, that's why I'm going to be the best ever. I was sitting there like, fucked up. Like, yeah, definitely. He's so disciplined. He was awesome.

That's why I see a beautiful woman. I'm like, ah, I suck. He's like, I see women. I want to fuck them. I say, no, no, no. I got to train. Good for him. Damn.

He's fighting in San Antonio at the end of March. Really? Yeah. Yeah. If you guys are in town, we should all go. Weren't they trying to put that in the fucking... They were putting Cheeto in... Wasn't it supposed to be in the Apex or whatever

it's called? Yeah. And they're like, why? Corey Sanhagen. It's a great fight. And Sanhagen's a fucking monster. Oh my god, it's a great fight. It's a great fight. Those guys are both assassins. The top of the game. There you go. When's he fighting? What's the date? March 25th.

Cheeto. Yeah. If you guys want to come back, let's fucking go. The club will be open. Let's go. Where's the year? San Antonio. Yeah, let's get a Sprinter van.

135. Let's fucking go. Sanhagen's the fucking man. Let's go. Sanhagen, the U.S. Sit in the front row. We need some U.S. I need Cheeto.

Let's fucking go. Cheeto's the fucking man. Wait, where's Cheeto from? He's scary. Let's go Venezuela, Colombia Ecuador Yeah I saw that flag That's Ecuador right? Yeah

I'm rooting for him He's the man Yeah you've rooted for everybody outside of America you piece of shit I lived there for fucking six months It's my clan You know where else you lived? I haven't lived there for 46 years USA dude

You don't even deserve that bong Give me that Fair This is for the US How dare you There you go God bless I mean I'm definitely cheering for the u.s out there you coward there you go god bless i mean i'm definitely cheering for cheeto not because of his nationality fuck you it's great i hung out

with him once it's a great fight technically it's great fight do they do fighters talk about other fighters like we talk about comics oh yeah yeah for sure oh yeah you know what else they do they're all very uh to me the the brief understanding i've had is they're very, like, no, I like him. Yeah. Like, people you'd think would hate each other. They're like, no, he's a fighter. I respect it. And they watch each other?

Yeah, they definitely watch each other. Yeah. You know, you can tell the guys who are, like, real because they'll recognize what a guy's good at and not good at. And they'll talk about it honestly. And then you can tell guys are kind of, like, a little bit in denial, kind of haters. You know, they're like, he ain't shit, he ain't shit. He can't say he's not shit. He won seven straight fights, he's not shit.

There's a lot of guys that'll do that. They'll form that narrative in their head. I get him, he ain't shit. I'll fuck him up, I'll do this, I'll do that. You know what bothers me is when there's a guy that's like hot and then dudes in the back when they're doing interviews and shit are like, I'll fuck you up. And the guy who's famous is just like, I know what you're doing.

Yeah. You imagine if that's how it was in comedy? They used to do this in the UFC where they interview somebody like, what do you think about this fight? And they tell the next person, well, this guy said this as they're doing their interview. They did it with Anderson Silva. I forget who it was he was fighting. And he said he's going to take you down and punch you in the face

so you submit. And Anderson Silva's so confident, he's just like, that's a great tactic. I mean, you'd win if you do that. That's a great plan. Connor was the most vicious. People would be like,

he was like, oh, I'm going to fight you. He's like, who the fuck is that guy? That was the funniest. But then he's like, I chose you. And your wife was like, break out the red panties.

Yeah. We done it, baby. We're rich. Connor chose us. Wow. Whoa. That's mean. Yeah, he did something where he flipped a fucking game on its head.

If I choose to fight you, you make a lot of money. It's Jeremy Stevens. Focus that guy. Right here. The hardest hit, 145 pound. The real hardest hit, 145, right here. hardest hit 145 pound the real hardest hit 145 right here this guy TKO's people when I knock people out they don't fucking move He thought he was going to be so cool.

Chuckie Stevens thought he had it. I don't know. When I take that guy's bull, Leprechaun. Oh, good one. When I take that guy's bull, I'm looking around. I don't know what anyone else has for me around here. I might have to jump up and fucking drag Floyd Mayweather out there and see what the fuck he's got. And he did. And he did.

He can talk. Listen, man. Yeah, he can. Nate got him. That was so funny. He thought he'd be like, I'll shit talk about this. I'll get over it. And he goes, Nate got him. Are you kidding me? I don't know. The gazelle thing is him. That was so funny. He thought he'd be like, Nate, shit talk with us? I'll get over it. Nate got him.

Are you kidding me? I don't know. The gazelle thing is rough. It was so funny. Yeah, but the thing about Nate is like, you can't shit talk with him. He'll just shit talk back. You're not going to hurt his feelings.

No. This doesn't work. When he was apologizing to Khabib, he was like, I'm just trying to promote my fight. Oh, it's just business? But no, Nate versus Conor. Conor is doing it.

Obviously, Conor's the fucking man. But it's like, it's a show. It's a's a show he's doing it he knows what he's doing he's promoting the fight yeah doing all this yeah nate's just there like i don't give a fuck this is me it's a celebration you ring back home you ring your wife baby we done it we're rich baby. Conor McGregor made us rich. Break out the red panties. We're rich, baby. So don't say you would not take that fight because you would take that fight like everyone else up here would take the fight against me if it was offered,

regardless of belts or any of that shit. I'm the money fight in the male shit at all weight divisions, so fuck everybody else up here. I cannot... Damn. He's right. I've made such a big thing of myself that anyone who fights with me is instantly rich. I can open it. Wow. He's right. And with that accent. I've made such a big thing of myself that anyone who fights with me is instantly rich.

Still to this day. He said that shit to Nate. He was trying to hit Nate with that. And Nate was like, no, I've been doing this. Yeah, Nate's like, I already got my own one-bedroom apartment. I'm good. Nate doesn't give a fuck. He's like, I'm fine, dude. He literally doesn't give a fuck.

You know how much In-N-Out I can afford already? He's like, I have Call of Duty. doesn't give a fuck. You know how much in and out I can afford already? He's like, I have Call of Duty. I have a 32-inch fucking flat screen. I do game systems. I give a fuck. I got a refrigerator filled with white claws. I'm going to fuck you up. I know.

I say it every time I'm at this table. My favorite line was this. They're like, how do you think the fight's going to go? And Connor's like, I'll probably knock him out in the first round. And Nate's just like he better he better is good Take a coffee break Nate and by coffee break I mean bring me my coffee No they want you to give us a quick count to ten both of you gentlemen

it's a good one Okay I play it Nate can only count to five You can't play it. You can't. Nate can only count to five. Count to five Nate, will you, if you can. You can't. I ain't counting, how about that?

And who do you put that coffee? So we're gonna talk about money and business. Connor, let me ask you first. There's word that you could make $10 million on this thing. Is that accurate? On this fight? Yeah. I'm gonna breeze past the 10 really mark

breeze past it you're gonna make a hell of a lot more steaming right now you're gonna make make a lot a lot more than everybody else yeah a lot more than his last one that is he can thank me for that one I've made more millionaires in this game than anybody else. Nate, how much of the purse you're going to take home do you owe to Conor McGregor? I don't owe him. Anything over $40,000 he owes me, because that was his last paycheck.

I wiped my with that money. I tipped that money. I was going to get it regardless, sooner or later. It was coming, with or without you. And then the God came and blessed you with it. How about that coffee? How about that coffee? And then show the fucking fight.

See what happens. You want to get to a net worth of $100 million. How close are you? Steaming right along. I'm steaming smoothly. On loop. Smoothly. My contract is a peach. you steaming right along at the time of this network was like dumb questions I know this is the best interview. Nate hates this. He's miserable. I just want to talk about fighting.

It's like morning radio. He's like, I got to do this? You know what? You spend my total net worth in five minutes at Starbucks, I'm telling you right now. No, I'm nowhere near. But I asked the questions, and so I want to know. But Nate, what are your financial goals? How much do you want to be worth, Nate? What kind of money do you want to know, but Nate, Nate, what are your financial goals? How much do you want to be worth, Nate?

What kind of money do you want to make? More than everybody. What are your financial dreams? What to you means you've made it? A mansion, a garage? What a bizarre angle. She's a dumb interviewer. I don't know.

Say it like it is, Nate. What are you about? Who gives a? Is this the Money Channel? Who the is this? I totally liked that one. I absolutely did. That's the thing, though.

Connor is like, that's funny. We're fighters. I got it. The main thing to succeed in this game is to either be me or fight me. Everything else is peanuts. So ask Nate that. He knows that firsthand. Yeah, I guess.

Mission accomplished then, right? I wanted to ask you how you guys can make the UFC as big as the NBA or the NFL. How is that possible? Can it be? Just let me loose. Let me loose on one of them. And we'll see. You know what I mean?

Because when it all comes down to it, it's about survival. So this is not, this to me doesn't feel like sport. This feels like, this feels something more pure. And Fight 2 was like, if this was war, you'd be dead. You can put us on this station and talk stocks and numbers and all of this. And we can continue to rise but these these other franchises are sports this this is kind of funny every time i get fucked up i watch this interview it's like a nightly tradition

nate yeah Nate? Yeah. How do you think this, you can get the UFC, the NBA, or the NFL, or should it even try? I don't even know. I don't even. Next question. What a dumb fuck. I don't own the UFC, you dumb idiot. I only got two more. He's just like, I'm a fighter.

Why do I have to do this? I could talk money and numbers with you all day, lady. Send me a picture. I'll see what you look like. No, no, no. Okay. No no you don't want to see the picture two more questions this isn't the matchup so they're not even seeing this lady whether doing it was interesting today he lost his mic I took it off oh he's out sorry one more time? All right.

He's done. Nate's left, Connor. It's just you. So I'm going to ask you a couple questions. This isn't the match people expected. Oh, shit. Damn, that's cooler. Fuck, that's cooler.

Are you able to build enough anticipation to compete? All you got to do is check the app. Damn. Man, that's the cooler way to lead. Nate didn't give a fuck about that. But who won the fight? Well, the best part is him winning. Nate fucked him up.

And I said, Nate Diaz, you shook up the world. I'm not surprised, motherfucker. Not surprised, motherfucker. Two and oh in those fights. Was it three to one, right? No, no. It's one to one, technically. Oh, what do you mean technically?

Very technically. That second fight, I've rewatched it as a Nate fan. Yeah. Connor barely won three rounds. Round by round, Connor won. Connor got saved by the bell twice. Saved by the bell twice. And Nate dominated two rounds. It was like he won the fight.

And also, yeah. Really? Yeah, the scoring system's fucked up. The scoring system sucks. It was like he won the fight. Really? Yeah. The scoring system's fucked up. The scoring system sucks. Oh, really? It's terrible. How about that Volkanovski? Yeah. I like that guy. The scoring system really is designed for boxing. We adopted boxing's 10-point must scoring system.

There's too many things involved. When you have boxing, 10-point must system works because it's like two guys, they both are punching each other. So what should it be? It should be a more complex system that takes into account kicks, punches, submission attempts. And I don't think it should be limited to like a 10-9 thing. I think that's a silly way of doing it.

I think if someone tried to invent a 10-point must system today for MMA, people would think it's too limited. Yeah, from scratch. You would want to have a completely different scoring system. I don't want to cut you off because you're an expert and I'm drunk. I felt like the Volkanovski-Islam fight, by UFC rules, Islam won that fight. It depends on the second round. The second round gave a slight edge to Volkanovski in the second round. The problem is...

He was landed. So the second round, ifski in the second round. The problem is... He was landed. So the second round, if you do the second round, one person scored 10, the other person scored 9. But then you look at the first round. Well, the first round, Islam had his back. How could that be a 10-9 round? Because he really got a dominant position, and he held it for a significant portion of the round. That's more significant than whatever the fuck happened in the second round. Because the second round was 10-9

as well. That's why the 10-point muster was fucked. But if you're looking at two rounds, like, who's up? You're like, oh, well, one guy's clearly up. It's not tied. Yeah, but it's not the same amount of victory. Like, look at Islam in the fourth round. Had Alex's back the whole time. Look at Alex in the fifth round. Gets Islam on the ground

pounding on him in the last minute of the fight. The most significant moment of the fight total. How is that 10-9? And then the second round is also 10-9. Do they not do 10-8? They should do it more often. It has to be super dominant, right? They don't do it enough.

But Volkanovski dropped him in the second round, but then Islam got a takedown but didn't do anything with it, and then Volkanovski got back up, and then Volkanovski got rocked with a punch by Islam. So there was a lot of back and forth. I gave a slight edge of the second round to Volkanovski, but that is the decide of the fight. I watched it three times. I've gone over it multiple times.

There's a real score. I need a real score. I've gone over it with a fine-tooth comb. The real problem is the scoring system. It's not adequate. Because if you have, again, if you have a 10-9 round like the final round where Volkanovski clearly won and then you have a 10-9 round like the final round where volkanovski clearly won one and then you have a 10-9 round like the second round how is the how are they both 10-9 rounds yeah that doesn't make any sense one of them is clearly a lot more dominant in one way and the other one is like you anybody could decide like if you're an islam fan

you can say i think he did enough he got the takedown he landed that one good punch and landed some other good shots You could make an argument But you can't make an argument For the fifth round The fifth round was clearly Volkanovski Yeah

So how are they both 10-9? Right It doesn't make any sense While I was watching it I knew a takedown is so important Yeah And he got them He got the takedowns

And it was like Alright well then He's gonna win the fucking round It's not everything He didn't do any damage He's just holding them Better striking It's not everything Yeah. And he got them. He got the takedowns, and it was like, all right, well, he's going to win the fucking round. You've got to do something. He didn't do any damage. He's just holding them. Better striking. It's not everything.

It's not everything. It's like takedown means, oh, shit, you're about to fuck me up. But if he doesn't, then it's like, well, that didn't mean that. There's also a thing where, like, Islam had Volkanovsky's back, and Volkanovsky just punched him in the face over and over again. He was yelling at the ref, like, get us up. That is kind of crazy because, like, the guy does have control of you, but he's not doing anything good with it. Yeah.

So how much of that counts towards the round? How much of these Dagestani wrestlers just fucking up the UFC? It's crazy. It's crazy how many good ones there are. Yeah, but I mean, just as far as viewership, you just got some guys coming in that are nasty wrestlers. That's why I like a pretty player like your son. Yeah, but people went to see that fight.

That was a big fight. That was a very popular. First of all, you got the top 155-pounder and the top 145-pounder in their prime. Two of the top guys, pound for pound, fighting for the number one pound for pound status. Hildesdon. And he was on a home turf. Yeah, yeah. So that adds to it.

Yeah, Islam went to Australia. There's also an accusation of someone using an IV. They said Islam rehydrated with an IV. In rounds? What's wrong with that? Yeah, it's illegal. Daring to fight? No, no, no, no.

Oh, before the fight. After the weigh-ins. I was going to say. Because he cuts so much weight to make one. No, you're not allowed to use an IV. What? Yeah, it's illegal. It's part of USADA because you could mask PEDs with an IV.

So if you take certain PEDs, you can flush your system out with an IV and then take a piss test and it won't show up. I love it. Yeah. Damn. So it's illegal. But I don't know whether or not he actually – they say that they caught him. They say they know, but I haven't seen anything yet.

So until then, I don't know. I will say, as a UFC fan, I feel like more fights are getting questionable. That was a questionable one. It's annoying. The Patti Pimblitt. Yeah, the Patti Pimblitt one. I thought Jared Gordon won that fight. That one was crazy.

It's annoying when you think somebody won, and then they're like, no, somebody else. You're like, this is stupid. What did I cheer? Nobody thought, other than Patty's family, nobody thought he won that fight. That was one of those ones. Man, that's hard to call for Patty. There were two in that card.

Yeah. Liverpool. Fun dude. Great guy. Fun guy. But, you know, he's a lot of fun and he's like a wild crazy character And he dances and shit And gets in there and gets everybody rooting for him

Who's that fucking Who's that black dude that dances on the way in Which one Small guy that should not be a heavyweight Oh Chris Chris Barnett Oh he's amazing Is that him

Wow They had a black history month UFC clip show So it was all like you know Amazing shit. Oh, yeah Do the stanky history month UFC clip show it was a whole like, you know, the black guy's going to win And then just He's like a 5'9 heavyweight really he throws wheel kicks. He looks like Nick Marshall. That guy? Yeah. He looks like LeMaire. He looks like LeMaire. He looks exactly like LeMaire. He's from Spain.

He was born there. He was born in Spain. Oh, okay. He didn't learn to dance there. Oh, I can do that move. Are you sure that's not the flamenca? He's having fun. That was the one I was with you at. Yeah. If guys can do that, if they can walk out like that and have fun,

it's like just the looseness that comes with that. Look at him screaming. Oh, that guy. Yeah, yeah, he's good. Anyway. Fun stuff. What's a better combo than Tua Vassa and Volkanovski being pals? Are they buddies? That's a good fucking than Tua Vassa and Volkanovski being pals? Are they buddies?

That's a good fucking crew. They do fucking shoeies together. Really? That's the coolest crew possible. They're Australian fighters. They're the sickest crew. Our crew. Volkanovski is funny, too.

He's good on pods. I knew you were Australians. Volkanovski and Tua. I was amazed at his performance. I was amazed. Yeah, good fighter. I mean, they lube you into those shoeies. Tua Vassa. Jesus, amazed. Yeah, good fighter. I mean, I- They lube you into those shooies. Yeah, with a tight shooie.

Jesus, man. That's so nasty. Ugh. That guy gives him his shooie. Look at his face like- Oh! He spit it! No!

That's gay. Covers it up. Oh! Throw up, dude. Throw up. When I was in Australia, I was on stage. They were like, do a shooie. I was like, I'm not doing a fucking shooie.

Whole crowd ruined the show. They were like, do a Chewy. I was like, I'm not doing a fucking Chewy. Whole crowd ruined the show. They were like, boo! Did it really ruin the show? It fucked me up. Did you do it? Really? No, I didn't do it. I started to talk shit. I was like, I'm from America. You think I'm going to fucking listen to you fucking losers? You had no choice. You had to stick with it.

I think I'm going to get peer pressured by a bunch of fucking non-Americans. And they were like, fuck you. Did you go back into material after He was like, damn it. Did you go back into material after that? Yeah, I tried. You're that guy who didn't do a shoeie.

That was the end of the show. No way. The shoes, they hit me with the do a shoeie. And I said, I'm not doing a fucking shoeie. Whole audience boos. I was like, I'm from America, dude. You think I'm going to listen to you fucking losers? You start doing Nate dance.

Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Nate is like, America, motherfucker. Do you think I'm gonna listen to you fucking loser? How nice is that against fucking at that way it was so nice it's funny that a date says I don't sound like that Like just so you know, I don't sound like that. Oh, yeah for sure for sure. Yeah He was like just so you know I don't sound like that. I was like oh yeah for sure for sure yeah Oh when he came to skank fest Nate was his gang fest what I invited Nate He was in Vegas. I was like come to skank fest Wow He gets there him and his bros who I'm friends with all of them They're great. And they're the most unassuming group of dudes of all time. Really?

None of them are fucking, like, jacked, but they would kill everybody. Sure. They're all just, like, gremlins. Yeah. It's literally, like, eight gremlins come in. But they got there when they're doing the fucking naked roast. Oh, don't get them wet. Just in time for me to be like, all right, come in, come hang out.

Let's see some fun comedy. They get in, there's just a fucking naked fucking goth. Fat dude. Oh, no. They walked in, yeah, this is fucking gay. And I was like, yeah, I think it's gay. That makes sense. Technically, yes, technically.

Still haven't peed. Went back to the green room. Nice, till death. How have you held it in so long? That's a problem. I was a bed wetter. Went back to the green room. While we're in the green room, just a fucking naked dude walked in.

They didn't even talk to each other. They all got up and left. We just got to go. They're like, this is gay shit. We're not fucking with this. It makes sense. No, no, it's comedy. It's not that funny.

And then I looked like a fucking loser. I was like, come on, Nate. I saw you all walking out with them. I was like, yeah, I'm leaving. Where are you guys going? You're like, I got to go. I was like, this is gay. I'm not doing this.

Meanwhile, I was like, come check it out. That sucks they came on that night. Because that can be fun. The Naked Rose is awesome. Because Skankfest is great, just not. Naked Rose is fucking gross. I loved it. It's definitely gross, but it's a freak show.

First year of Brooklyn Naked Rose was like, what the fuck? I'm an edge lord. You're an edge guy. I'm an edge lord. You're not worried about comedy. You're more about, wouldn't it be funny if our butt and dick was out? Correct. I'm a lord of that.

Sorry, that was mean. Let's do plus. I take it back. I apologize. Dude, dicks are funny. Obviously, dicks are hilarious. Dicks are funny and roasts are funny. Soft dicks.

I get the most. I go to any time there's a naked roast, I'm like, oh, I'm going. Of course. I would sit front row in Brooklyn Skank Fest. It was like the one where I saw the trans woman tuck her dick where it just looked like a woman and then in the middle of her first joke she just popped the dick out

and it's like, what? That's comedy. Or Clemph taking her fucking notes out of her pussy. Who? Allison Clemph. Wow, really? She was like, huh? And she reached in and she pulled a baggie out and it had her jokes in Hell of a Gallagher lady that's disgusting yeah damn Baggy out of the clam yeah, holy holy naked roast took her fucking jokes out of her pussy

He looks so much like the cavity you look. Oh, boy. You know what's stuck in cavity search at the airport? Like, wait a minute. That's a command. One of these bad jokes. Yeah, exactly. This is smuggling fucking road jokes. This is worse than heroin. That's not the first time she's stuffed anything up there to hide it, either. Oh, no. That's not a thing you come up with on the fly.

That's a female privilege. It'd be nice to be able to have a little storage area. You can't do that in a butt? I tried. It doesn't work. You tried to save something in your butt once? Yeah, it just keeps coming out. Nah, your butt'll swallow it.

You gotta wait. It wouldn't do it. You got a thirsty butt. Do you ever use one of those fucking preparation things? I've never had an emerald. Things? Yeah. Suppository.

By the way, those suppositories, I'll be honest, they feel pretty good. You ever do those? Right to the glance. Your butt just, I got it from here. It knows what to do. It's so nice. Yeah. Suppositories work.

You're sad. You got a hemorrhoid. You're like, God, this is disgusting. And then you put it in there. You're like, golly, that is actually decent. You get anal. What is this Calgary Trampede shirt you have on? Trampede rules.

What is it? You're gay This is gonna be Bullshit I hate you It was stampede It's like this rodeo In Calgary

I went with Burton O'Neill once And uh It's a girl stampede It's a girl rodeo No but some chick It's just like an ICP thing

ICP Yeah it's that Kind of vibe Insane clown posse Is that what you're saying Some chick's blowing Like seven dudes In a fucking

What Yeah in a In like a Garage What Yeah she's trampede Wait what are you Talking about Trampede Some chick's blowing like seven dudes in a fucking garage. What? What are you talking about? Trampied. At Stampede.

What is it? Stampede is all the fucking cattle rustling come together. Yeah. Threesome caught on camera at Calgary Stampede. This might be Trampied or it might just be a normal. So at the Calgary Stampede, girls go and just fuck guys? This chick went fucking wild. Wait, was she the senator's daughter? I don't think.

There's a whole thing about a politician's daughter at this Calgary Stampede. I just appreciate how Calgary's just like, we're America. You gotta put Trampede in. I did and it's not giving it to me. Trampede's not coming. So Trampede was the mascot of Stampede for a while. Oh, okay. And she's just fucking dudes, like ICP level, in the parking lot.

So it's a girl who goes to the Calgary Stampede and just fucks everybody? There are more Burt's nine months after Stampede than any other time in Calgary. I think there's a lady who's a politician's daughter, and it was a whole thing in Calgary. I was just there, and they were like, talk about this. The place will go nuts. Me, Burt, O'Neal, Edgar, and Kathleen McGee went for Stampede. It was such trash. I threw up on a child.

What? I'm trying to keep up with Burt on Jameson. What an idiot. I barfed on a kid blackout. I just heard, it got on him. And I'm like, oh, dude. I had to fucking sleep it off in a bathroom. Wow.

From that video and that picture. Whoa. That girl's a beast. I think'm like, oh, dude. I had to fucking sleep it off in a bathroom. Wow. From that video and that picture. Whoa. That girl's a beast. I think that's her. No regrets. Yeah, she went viral. Yeah.

She started doing porn. She's a winner. She started doing porn? She went viral for sucking cucumbers and fucking two dudes in a parking garage? Wow.

Congratulations. It is hard for women. You know? It's a hard industry for women to break into. All you got to do is suck a cucumber and fuck two guys in a parking garage. Anyway, the problem is you can't get out of it. That's a tough one.

Everyone's going to remember that one. Yeah. Everyone. But they celebrated her. No one cares about the account suspended. I don't know how. She's been porn now. She's been porn now. She's into porn now.

Elon, get her back, dude. Yeah, but you can do porn on Twitter. Yeah, what's going on, Elon? Elon. That's the crazy thing. Do something, man. Free Trampede. She might have went off.

She might have gone QAnon. Yeah. She might have been like. She might have went Pizzagate. I'll be honest. If you're sucking dick in a fucking parking garage in Canada, the next thing you know, you're like, there's a basement there. I know.

A goddamn basement there. It is pretty flat. There is a basement there. I know there's a goddamn basement there. It is pretty flat. There is a basement there. Why would they post all that on Instagram? Was it planes? When Lanny was fake? I wonder what she got suspended for. Yeah.

Mmm. It's a wild lady. I'd like to read her tweets. I love how you can call up Elon and be like, can you tell me exactly what she was suspended for? Here's the deal.

I probably could. I wouldn't want to waste his time, though. You don't want to get too many of those text messages returned. Yeah. You got to be careful. That's funny that that's yours. Yeah. Like, I got a bunch of dudes that I'm like, I'm not going to text them.

I don't want to waste this text. You don't want to waste it. Yours is Elon. Yeah. It's funny. Soders was like when the guy fucking was the coordinator at the- Oh, that's his close friend, though. Yeah.

And he goes, can you get me one of those throwback jerseys? He's like, dude, I'm running a playoff game right now. He's like, I got to worry he goes, can you get me one of those throwback jerseys? Dude, I'm running a playoff game right now. I gotta worry about the run game. He goes, get me one of those throwback jerseys. When you think about Elon, though, this guy's running three different companies simultaneously. I don't even understand it. I don't know how it's possible to run

Tesla, Twitter, SpaceX, boring system. I don't understand anything about Elon. And he still responds to tweets. And he's having 19 kids. At least 19. He's busy. Shooting them right now.

Shooting loads right now. Shooting loads. No pressure. Not going to take away his money at all. Him and Nick Cannon. Falcon X. Saving the population. How many kids does Nick Cannon have?

I think he's up to 12. Most of them. Look at the apostles. That is so crazy. And step program. You know what's funny? I don't know. You better keep working.

Yeah. You better keep working because you got a monthly nut that's tough to fucking cover. Now, Whitey is real low on the baby chart. What? What is? Whitey. Like, we're not having kids anymore. Yeah.

Now, how hard was it for you? Because a lot of guys do the in vitro. Ari fucked it up for everybody. Get all this stuff coming to Wiz.

Clipped. Clipped. I got clipped. You got clipped. Yeah. Easy. You got clipped. Yeah.

Ari's never having kids again. No, I think a lot of people, the in vitro thing is they're having them too late. They're having it late. Yeah.

They're like, people want their career. They want a family. They want everything. They want the whole deal. Exactly. The next thing you know, they're 40 and people want their career, they want a family, they want everything, they want the whole deal. The next thing you know, they're 40, and they're trying to get pregnant. It's hard. It's hard. It's not the same. Are you thinking about having them?

Yeah, I'd like to have a kid. When do you think you would go? How old are you now? I'm 39. How old's the missus? 31. She's good. She's good to go. Alright, alright. She's got three more years before things get dicey. Really? I don't have a scrambled egg. Oh, 48 and pregnant? Yeah.

Wow. Who? Da Brat. Da Brat? Yeah. Didn't that woman from Rocky IV, remember the woman that Sylvester Stallone was dating? Wow, 48 and pregnant. Wow. That's incredible. It's ideal. Yeah.

We'll see how that turns out. That lady from Rocky IV, the really tall lady that used to be married. Yeah, that one. She got pregnant late. Really? I think she was in her 50s. Well, she had good genes. Yes, Viking genes.

Yes, that's a tall blonde whore. That's a tall drink of water. But wait a minute. How old was your lady, if you don't mind me asking? She's 54. She had a kid. That's a tall drink of water. But wait a minute. How old was your lady, if you don't mind me asking? She's 54. She had a kid. That's insane. That's not Flavor Flaves, is it?

It might have been. Might have been Flavor Flaves. Maria Desi. Wow. 54 is nuts, man. That's a gamble. That thing could come out of cross-eyed. It might.

Yeah, look at it. Kid looks fine. She looks healthy again. All right. Snap back. Strong might. Yeah, look at it. Kid looks fine. She looks healthy again. All right. Snap back. 54. Strong jeans. This could change the game.

Yeah. Holy hell. Yeah. But you had them early. Yeah, my wife was in her early 30s. When you get into like late, like Bridget Phetasy, my friend, she had her kid at like 41. Really? Yeah, last, last, she's the best was it not uh

no she's kids fine kids amazing i saw her plane i saw her plane to myanmar i think oh no shit i was just like she was like we barely knew each other this is like six seven eight years ago and she was like i met you once at the comedy store right i was like oh yeah but i was so ready to be like gone from society that i was like Nice to see you again. Yeah My seat what a fucking dork you were in that that fucking rambling mode. Yeah, you get in rambling mode I'm gonna travel. Yeah, if you see somebody brings you base like sobers. I don't want to be the poses right now Yeah, you just enjoy vanishing huh for a few months. Yeah, what are you guys doing? But wait, did you feel like my kids fucked you up? No, in what way? Well, I mean, you gotta be present and

It's good. It makes you think about people other than yourself. There's good to that. It's also, it's like, it changes everything. It's like, it makes the world a way better place. Really? It's way more interesting. It's way more fun.

Their fun is your fun. Their fun makes you happier than anything you could ever be happy about for yourself. It's way more fun. Their fun is your fun. Their fun makes you happier than anything you could ever be happy about for yourself. That's what I feel about raves. It's just different. About raves? Everyone's having a good time.

This place is great. The universe is awesome. They're connected. I already just woke up. It's kind of sad. A little bit sad. Glow sticks? Sad wave.

Kids is better than raves. Remember who loves his dog? See how he loves his dog? He fucking made out with that dog on the last one. That dog rules. Bandit's the best. Bandit's fine, dude. Black Twitter.

Bandit's not fine. Shut up, dude. I would put that dog down. Dude, shut up. Bandit rules. You know it. Stop. Don't be fake on a podcast.

Black Twitter went nuts. Fucking nothing to do with it. They went nuts on you kissing that dog. Yeah. They hate you. The black community After what you did the first time and then now this I killed Magic Johnson and then this

By the way AIDS got cured Oh yeah Multiple people have been cured of HIV now You know why? Because once they get the prep where it's not a real thing We had the cure forever Let's just release it Michael Che had a good joke about that

What is it? He did our podcast and he was like We had the cure forever. Let's just release it. Michael Che had a good joke about that. What did he say? He did our podcast, and he was like, here's a sketch I couldn't do on SNL. And then I think he ended up doing it. That's funny. But it was those AIDS commercials. And then just a dude being in the middle of it. Have you seen those PrEP AIDS commercials? No.

Where they're like, I have seen those. They're weird. You take it if you think you might be getting HIV and you're just banging guys. It's like two dudes together fishing or playing the drums and then he was like, the sketch would be a guy

in the middle of it being like, but I'm not gay. Oh, that's fun. This isn't for gay AIDS. Right. Just one of these guys in the middle of the commercial being like,

actually, I'm not gay. Do you have to be gay to get this commercial? Imagine if you're a straight guy and you got that commercial and people are like, you're taking jobs away from gay people.

So this is like a pill that you take to make sure that you don't get AIDS? Dude, okay, fucking, what's his name?

That sucks to get that. Mateo. After auditioning for years and this is the thing he gets. He was like, you let HIV positive dudes blow loads in your butt. You cannot get it.

Come on. Who did this? Mateo. He's like, you just go for it. It doesn't matter. Tell that to Eazy-E. Wow. This is before.

He was pre-planned. An NWA. Yeah. It's a force field. NWA AIDS. It just stops it from getting in there. You won't get it. Wow.

If you're on PrEP, you're fine. So none of them worry about AIDS anymore. Isn't that wild? Come on. That's what the A stands for? Yeah. What's that? We might have to delete that one.

Yeah, maybe pull that one out. It used to be at one point in time. It was like, that was a death sentence. Yeah. Yeah. That's too good. That's a rough one Yeah

J-Mo Remember the time stamp That one J-Mo In the voice of reason Time stamp I figured it out Time stamp I didn't even hear it

N-W-A-D-A Is for AIDS Instead of attitude I mean easy I'm just saying I'm not making that up The man had HIV Yeah

Remember you used to Live stream this podcast Good What a fucking chance you were taking every three times a week. That's fun though. You could live stream. We still do live streamed Fight Companions.

There you go. We did the Fight Companion hammered live with Eddie Bravo talking about Flat Earth and satellites aren't real. That's fun. I love Flat Earth. We're live right now. I'm ruined. My dad was right. I'm ruined. Whoopsies.

My dad was right. I'm ruined. I can't wait to bring Phil to a fucking theater and talk about sucking his dick. Dude, you gotta do that. That'd be so fucking great. That'd be so great. But the problem is now he's proud of me. Right.

Oh, right. Now my family's proud of me, which is funny. Well, when you walk on stage now, they go crazy. And so they've got to accept the fact that it worked out. Yeah, but now my dad's a lot. He's very, everything he does, I copy him. So he's very like, all right. He's like, I'm going to bomb.

He's that guy. Oh, OK. That's where you get it from. People are going crazy, and he's like, what are they going crazy for? But then if I'm not there, he's like, you see my son? Oh, got it. That's fun. It's very sweet.

That's cool. My parents won't give it up, but sometimes we'll be out to dinner and someone's like, hey, I'm a fan. And they're like, oh, I guess we got to give it up. Oh, yeah. We got to like, oh, okay, good for him. So your parents still don't give it up to you? I don't get a lot of giving it up.

Oh, man. My family gave it up too much. But they understand you're successful, right? They like me too much. I think so. You think they understand it? Yeah. Yeah. Well, man. My family gave it up too much. But they understand you're successful, right? They like me too much. I think so. You think they understand it? Yeah. Well, comedy's such a strange world.

Yeah. But I think they give it up. Like, I met, I opened for Jerry Seinfeld, so that's something to be like, okay, that we've heard of. Are they worried that it's, like, temporary, maybe? Yeah. Like, oh, this Mark Norman, I don't know. I mean, it's working out for now, but it might go bad.

We all think that's how we feel. Yeah, exactly. That's how I feel. As soon as I wake up every day, I gotta tell me I suck. Yeah, this is a long life we got. We gonna do this forever? I mean, you're doing whippets at 78. You know what's sadder?

When people stop doing it. Yeah, it's really sad. When you run into a guy who used to do comedy, like, you don't do comedy anymore? That's really sad. Especially if they had at least one good set. Yeah. Where you could have figured it out. they had at least one good set. Yeah. Where, like, you could have figured it out.

Or maybe even a special or two. Yeah. And you run into guys, and, like, you don't do comedy anymore? No, I'm a producer now, or no, I'm just, like, having a little life. Dude, you remember during the pandemic when you didn't do comedy for months,

and you're like, I guess this is life now? I felt empty. It felt weird. We were all at Central Park. Louis showed up, with Liz and Sarah. Obviously, you're in the fucking park. And it was like, we're talking about, like, comics, and he's like, I mean, we're not. We don't do it. Right. We were all at Central Park. Louis showed up, with Liz and Sarah. Obviously, we were in the fucking park. It was like, we're talking about comics, and he's like,

I mean, we're not. We don't do it. Right. We're not comics. What are we? You emo fucking pussies. You're talking about Louis C.K.

No, you. No, Louis C.K. Well, Louis is also an emo. Fuck. That's who you're talking about, because that's who the quote was. We're not even comics now. That's pretty good.

We're not even fucking. But we, we had nothing. Then when the parks opened up, then the roofs opened up, it was like, all right, I got a purpose. All you guys had to do was not be in New York. I left New York and did stand-up. No, New York. Oh, really?

It was going on in New York. That was fucking lame, dude. The rooftop shows. Anytime I went back to New York, it was a rooftop or you were out front. Rooftop. Or you were out front. Tiny cupboard. Out front of the stand.

You were doing the street in the stand. That was rough. A lady would be walking her dog through street in the stand. That was rough. A lady would be walking her dog through you in the crowd. That shit sucked. Fitzsimmons, because they'd walk by through the crowd. Fitzsimmons would be like,

just like, as soon as anybody comes, I'm just going to fucking roast them. Just a fucking, someone walking on the street. Yeah, but all you have to do is leave this. I did the road in June of the pandemic. I did too. I did Texas and Florida.

I did hyenas in Fort Worth early, and there was no distancing. Wow. I walked in. It was a fucking packed full room, and even I, who deny the fucking COVID, walked in, and I was like, God damn, dude, you guys are wild.

This is scary. I did one weekend in Houston in July. Me and Hitchcliff and Moses did one weekend in Houston. I was like, I can't do this anymore. I'm like, what if I get somebody sick? That's all I can think of. I'm being selfish. Somebody with a fat grandparent comes out that they live with and you're like, ah, fuck.

The problem with me is that I did podcasts. It's like, what if I got a guest sick? And this is when we were testing every day. You guys were testing even back then. That was crazy. Tested. Every day we tested. No one else did that.

No one did that. You took the most precautions when it came to COVID of anything I've seen. Yeah, I wanted to make sure. Also, we had a nurse on staff. Yeah. They don't have it. God, I miss her. I loved her.

Did everything we needed to do in terms of getting shots. Gave people B12 shots and IV vitamin drips. You look better than you did before. Yeah. Norman came over to my podcast studio for like, I just opened it. And then COVID hit. I'm like, fuck. I know.

Everyone was like, Schultz, Michelle Wolf, I can't, can't. Norman came over. We did one podcast. Were you guys nervous being around each other? Not at all. We wore masks and like ski masks and shit. And we made a joke out of it. Because it was like, this doesn't seem real. Norman came over. We did one podcast. Were you guys nervous being around each other? No, we wore masks and ski masks and shit. And we made a joke out of it. Because it was like, this doesn't seem real. It was funny.

I remember we were going, this is going to end everyone at each other's throats. No more gender politics fighting. I thought it was going to save the world. I thought we were going to cleanse everything. Hey, we all hate each other. I think it kind of did. No, it made everything way worse.

I think that shit's gone, dude. I think it kind of did. No, it made everything way worse. No, I think people got crazy. I think that shit's gone, dude. It depends on who it is. Being home in front of your fucking anger box made everybody way worse. If you're still in the culture war. Culture war. Get out of it. Get out of it.

It's over. Yeah, some people need it, though. That's like where they get their identity from. It's over. It's their whole personality. So dumb. There's turtles in the fucking river here. Go have a fucking walk.

Go be funny. Go do comedy. Go get laughs. Tur's their whole personality. So dumb. There's turtles in the fucking river here. Go have a fucking walk. Go be funny. Go do comedy. Go get laughs. Turtles in the river. That's the distraction. Turtles in the river. Shane noticed them. I saw those turtles, and then immediately I was excited.

I go, oh, turtles. And then tent. I like to see turtles. And then I saw a tent, and I was like, oh, there's a man dying in the mud. It's good we walked here. They found an alligator in one of the lakes out here. No. Yeah. It's very rare. It's good we walked here They found an alligator in one of the lakes out here No Yeah, it's very rare

That's fun But occasionally someone will fucking let a pet loose They have alligators in South Texas though Yeah Have we talked about this on here? What? That guy who died and his last words were Fuck those alligators

And he jumped off a dock He was drinking a bar and they were like You can't go in that lake Fuck those alligators Tons of alligators And his last words were Fuck those alligators and he jumped off a dock. He was drinking in a bar and they were like, you can't go in that lake. Fuck those alligators. Tons of alligators. And his last words were, fuck those alligators. As they ate him?

And he just jumped in? He got munched. He got cut in half. We definitely have talked about this on here. I don't remember this. I don't remember this. And then a few days later, his friend went out on the lake and killed the alligator. Where are we here?

Florida? I think it's South Texas. Oh, wow. Fuck that alligator. Man killed seconds after mocking gator warning. Beast talker. Oh, my God. Damn. 28-year-old Texas man was attacked and killed by an alligator almost immediately.

Fuck that alligator. After being warned by a bystander not to swim in the water. Replying, fuck that alligator before jumping in. Bugs feed reports. 11-foot gator. Whoa, that's a big, big thing. The next thing I know, I didn't even know how long it was. I saw his body floating face down. Wait, wait, wait.

I saw his body floating face down and then he's up there for a couple seconds and then he gets dragged back down and pulled off. He's just neat. He's just neat. It's pretty fun though to be hammered and be like, fuck that fucking loser. He went for it. He went for it.

He failed, but he went for it. Yeah, an alligator killed an 85-year-old woman yesterday. Damn. Look at him getting fucking... He's got the duct tape on the mouth. His hand's behind his back. Yeah. He's being let off like a fucking terrorist.

Look how they do it with his arms. The dog survived and she didn't, which is pretty crazy. Wow. Dog survived? Dog survived. That's always nice. That's always the worst part. When I was young, we used to go to Hilton Head in South Carolina,

and it would always be you're walking your dog, and the fucking gator grabs it. They love the dogs. Dogs bark at the alligators. They don't know. So they just bark at it. They stay right on the edge, and the alligator's like, I'm just coming at you.

I'm going to eat you. It's so many of them, too. It's so crazy. They ate a baby in Disney World. Orlando, yeah. Yeah, you got to shoot them in the head. It's the only way. That's when those people were like, it was some chick at like CBS or something.

She was like, fuck that man whose baby died. And they were like, what? That's like a life. Who said that? Somebody from like CBS or somebody high up. Some chick who was like, you know, angered. And then they were like, no, no, no, you can't actually, or some lawyer. And it's like, you can't actually root for somebody, a baby's death.

Why were they saying fuck the guy whose baby got killed? Because he was a man. What? Yeah. No. It was that simple? Yeah. Just fuck men?

Yeah. Really? What a nice lady. That's like the worst one ever. You fucking save up your money, you go to fucking Disney with your family, and a fucking reptile eats your fucking child? It's a dinosaur. They come out of the water and eat you, and then they go back.

They're huge. That was really her only take? Was like, fuck the guy? Yeah, it was like, fine, fuck him. I don't care. Men have done this for centuries. Oh, no. I got fingered once.

I'm glad a two-year-old got eaten by a fucking reptile. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. So many people's hot takes off of Twitter. It's fucking amazing. We were talking about it at a club, was it? And how they were boycotting a club because they booked someone they didn't like. You know, someone who had an allegation or something.

And all these local comics were boycotting. Like, fuck this club. And then on Tuesday, tuesday they're like hey so here's our spots for the week we can call in and the club owner was like no you said to fucking boycott my club you fucking way it is a business yeah like you just said not as the thing about those comics they always suck they suck always not a talented one amongst them. Yeah, it's never like a high-level working comic who's like, I'm out there. No one who's got a future. No one who's got a great point of view.

No one who respects the art. All of them suck. They're all just fucking frauds. Well, there's this weird notion of like, if you're gone, I'll get all the spots. Yeah, that's what it is. That ain't what it is. I don't even know if that's it. I think it's just like, I'm trying to be important. They're trying to be a part of a big story.

Well, you get clicks off of hating that person. If they had to do it anonymously, they wouldn't do it. Virtue signaling is a lot like that. This is the mud. Stay out of the mud. Let's go back to the skaters. Virtue signaling is a lot like name dropping. It doesn't work.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? It's a thing that people try and everybody knows what you're doing. It's like, ew. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. You might get some likes on Twitter because people are stupid. Dummies will like you.

You'll get a dummy fan base. You'll get dummies that will like what you're saying but everybody else knows what you're doing I stand with Ukraine yeah look at my flag yeah exactly no one knew about Ukraine yeah you got two minutes ago two fucking syringes in your profile and then a flag

it's just all the same I stand with France I stand with Haiti I stand with Ukraine it's just like it's the most obvious no hate with the thing under your eye. It's just like, you guys just being so, I see through it. Yeah. Well, the best one. Palestine.

Go volunteer to girls' school. During COVID. Yeah, help Palestine. When they got everybody to sing songs. Come on, come on, cut that. Not that one. Help Palestine. The good Palestine.

We're going to talk about this. Help Palestine. Come on, cut that out. Free Palestine. Yeah. Crazy Iblis this and help Palestine. Come on, cut that out. Free Palestine. Yeah. Crazy Iblis. Iblis. What is that?

You're an Iblis. Arabic? No, you're the devil. You're the devil. Bring Arabic in here, dude? I'll speak a little Arabic if I need to. Who? Kusama. Is that what Iblis is in Arabic?

Iblis. Devil. Kusama. That's the only one I know. What's it? Kusama. What is that? Fuck your mother.

Whoa. You didn't have to say it like that. That's how they mean it. It sounds like a good sandwich. Kusamach. Can I get kusamach on rye? America. Mark, do one more.

I can use a little more buffalo. No, I want Mark to do more. Trace. Yeah, the leader of the devils. There you go. Not even the devil, the leader of them. Crazy Iblis. Am I the leader of the devils?

According to Shane Gills, you are. You're Iblis. There you go. What else is going on, guys? What's the news today? Spy balloon. Fucking spy balloons. What do you think those balloons are they're shooting?

How about that one missile they missed? Where'd that thing go? They missed the balloon. They missed spy balloon. Fucking spy balloons. What do you think those balloons are they're shooting? How about that one missile they missed? Where'd that thing go? They missed the balloon. They missed the balloon. Where'd that missile go? Did they? I thought they shot a few down. East Lansing, Michigan.

Yeah, they shot a few down, but they missed one time. And so one missile, it's like, I don't know where it went. I like it. It's like every country has spies. They're like, there's spies in the house. But that's not an arrow. That's a fucking missile. Yeah, that went somewhere.

Where'd that $400,000 Tomahawk missile go? Where'd that go? It went to a fucking inner city school in Saskatoon. Missed Lake Huron object with first missile strike. So it must have went in the lake, I guess. Oh, all right. How'd your uncle tell everybody exactly where it was and then they couldn't hit a balloon?

That lady's the worst at that guy there she's that job she's so good i was watching uh who's the guy from fox that just goes there and bothers peter doozy dude peter doozy was on the flight to ukraine or he went he got stuck in warsaw when biden went to ukraine it was just making me laugh knowing that there's just a guy on the plane that's just like mr president this is what you're doing. He's some fucking old guy like, get this goddamn asshole off this fucking plane. They just have to bring the douche. I love how CNN went hard at Trump.

Like, not really the news, just trying to gotcha questions. And then Biden wins and they're like, oh, you guys are going to use the tactics we figured out of just derailing conversation? Well, Biden has to deal with one douche. He's got Ducey. Yeah. Ducey's nonstop just like, what the fuck are you guys doing? With Trump, it was every fucking press conference, all of them. Yeah.

I love it when he was like, you're rude. You're rude. Just fucking shut up. Next. Next. No, I know who you are. Remember when you got the lady? She was like, I didn't expect you to call me. I wasn't thinking. He was like, you never think. Ooh. I up. Next. Next. I know who you are. Remember when you got that lady? She was like, I didn't expect you to call me.

I wasn't thinking. He was like, you never think. Ooh, I remember that one. Everyone was like, yo. It's crazy to have a guy who does that who's the president. Yeah. Crazy. That Rand Paul's no joke.

He keeps going out there. Rand Paul's fun. Biden will talk shit. Talk a little shit. Really? Biden talks a lot of shit. Really? Yeah.

These dudes try to come at him. Because you're like, I'm the most powerful guy. You're going to fuck with me? I haven't dudes try to come at him. Because you're the most powerful guy. You're going to fuck with me? I haven't seen any shit talking about it. Although he does the thing. You know what? I've noticed Democrats do it a lot is they laugh. When someone brings something up to them, they go, come on, man.

That's a tag team. You know how many bodies I have on my count? Come on. Yeah, there it is. That's one of the classics. You're full of shit in a tense gun rights argument. Dude with a fucking monster beard. Imagine looking into those vacant eyes and he's saying you're full of shit.

You're like, oh my God, you're a robot. Union worker in fucking Delaware and the president comes in and he's like, you're full of shit. You're like, yikes. That's heavy. That guy probably fucked everyone in the town after that. Yeah, that guy rules. He's probably a man. I got to fight with the president today.

He was a man. But Tommy, I like how you stood up to that fucking fascist on CNN. Hell yeah. That's a credit. That is the hard part is the right-wing guys are more fun. Yeah. You know what I mean? They're fun-loving guys.

If you got a union guy with stickers on his helmet that's like fucking saying wild shit and then he argues with the president, it's nice. The opposite of that is some fucking fat lady with a crew cut being like, Donald Trump is Hitler. You're like, I don't want to hang out with that. It does not seem fun. I don't want to hang out with that guy. I don't want to hang out with that lady with the knit cap that's screaming.

No. That one lady with the knit cap that's like, You're just screaming all the time. You know that classic video? the knit cap that's like, You're just screaming all the time. You know that classic video? Yeah. Yeah, that is a classic. Meanwhile, if the dude with the fucking wolf helmet that broke into the chain race,

if he was in the show tonight, he'd be like, yo. What are you doing here? That guy with the wolf helmet was at your barbecue? What? That guy's a vegan. The guy in the wolf suit was here? Yeah, he's organic.

He's organic. He's organic. Oh, he's organic. He wasn't trying to be something. He's fucked for the rest of his life. Oh, yeah. That guy goes down in history. You can't fucking do that.

He goes down in history like those guys from Australia with sunglasses. He's in jail forever. Wait, he's in jail forever? He's going to be in jail for a long time. Oh, yeah. They're going to put him in jail, and he's always going to have a record now. He's always going to be that guy that did that, that broke into the White House. That makes sense that he's always going to be that guy that did that, but how long is

he going to be in jail? I don't know. It's a good question. Pull it up. The sh, but how long is he going to be in jail? I don't know. It's a good question. Pull it up. The shaman, how long is he in jail for? 36 months. There he is.

He's a sexy guy. 40 months in prison followed by 36 months supervised release. So he's going to do 46 months, 41 months in prison. That's not bad.

Good behavior. He's got three years. Not for treason? That's pretty good. And he must pay $2,000 in restitution. Back in the day, treason restitution. Back in the day? Back in the day, treason was hanging.

Oh, yeah. Hang him up. What's fucked is, like, how many of those guys got talked into going into the White House? And how many agents were telling people, get in there and take back what's yours? Roy, Roy. What's that guy's name? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did anything ever happen with that? Nothing. No. No. They said he wasn't in it. If I'm trying to sneak drugs on the plane and all my friends tell me it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. But didn't he not get in trouble?

Didn't he also not even? Yeah, no, he didn't get in trouble. So they were like, no, he's not one of us, but also no charges? Yeah, exactly. Meanwhile, he said, I'm just saying, we got to get in there. And everyone was like, you're a fed. Yeah. Like, there's videos of him the night before being like, we got to get into that building.

And dudes that are like alt-right dudes are like, no, you're a fucking fed. He's like, I'm not a fed. Come on, guys. Let's break this. That's what America is, right? Alex Jones was out there with a bullhorn telling people not to go in. Really? Really.

And they hate him. He was saying, it's a trick. It's a trap. telling people not to go in. Really? Really. And they hate him. He was saying, it's a trick. It's a trap. They're trying to get you to go in there. Don't do it. Don't go in there. It's peculiar. I think now that we've had a couple drinks, we should discuss it. It is peculiar. It is interesting, that's all. Well, there's so many instances, like the Gretchen Whitmer thing. Michigan, right?

Yeah, the governor of Michigan. Oh, like 11? Yeah, all of them. 14 people. Out of 16. 12 of them were FBI informants. They tricked two dumb guys? Yeah, tricked two dumb guys who were going to jail forever.

12 FBI informants tricked two dumb guys? I can say, see, our politicians are under attack. We have to do something. It's like, they never would have done anything. You guys literally formed the idea. You came up with the idea. You instigated it. You formed the plan. They planned it all out.. You instigated it. You formed the plan.

They planned it all out. We might have talked about this before. Uh-oh. There's a documentary. It was on Amazon. It was about these dudes in Miami. There was like six black dudes that got roped in by an FBI informant. They were like trying to have a construction business.

And the guy was like, he's an FBI informant. He gets $100,000 for everybody he fucking brings in wow he was like what if we uh my uncle's osama bin laden do you want to meet him they're from fucking dade county they're like yeah i don't yeah sure and then he's like all right and they have like hidden cameras and they're interviewing just a dumb dude from dade county and they're like what do you want to do what's your terrorist plan and the guy's like we're blow up Chicago yeah I mean yeah the Liberty City seven Wow so they go into jail this is undead things went to fucking Guantanamo I'd love to Shane's Google search when he's home alone how did I never heard of this one before. This is preposterous, dude. Whoa. Wow.

Haitian voodoo. Syncretic view? What is a syncretic view? They missed Judaism, Christianity, and a little bit of Islam. There was one of them that was like a black Israelite kind of. But so they just instigated these guys and talked them into doing things like they do with everybody. They were like, literally, they were like, we have no idea what this is. We're trying to get $100,000 from these dudes.

Crazy how many times people have done this. Oh, there they are. Yeah, they're just regular fucking dudes. They just talked him into saying, we're going to blow up Chicago. Yeah, he was like, 162 months in prison. Holy shit. Did nothing. They did nothing wrong.

112 months in prison. 35 years of supervised release. With any members of Al Qaeda they know of, the answer to that is no. Look at that case. 162 months in prison followed by 35 years of supervised release. Make sure no more terrorist attacks. 35 years. It's a check-in. I'd like to meet Ben Laden.

You know, if he said, hey, you want to meet him, I'd go, I don't think I'd meet him. Yeah, for sure. You're not allowed to even meet him. Most of them would be out by now almost. For sure. They're all out. Everyone except for him would be out if they didn't get it. They got fucked.

Where's their podcast? If you watch the video, they're dumb. Right. They're just dumb. They just got talked into it. And also, they don't have a fucking attorney. Young, unsophisticated, don't know what's going on Don't know they're getting roped into it And there's a dumb FBI informant

The FBI informant's a fucking idiot He's just a dumb guy that's like I get paid to get people captured How crazy is that? That's an incentive program Financial incentive To be like we stopped the terrorist plot Meanwhile it's fucking seven dudes from Miami That are morons that never would have done anything.

What are you talking about? Look at this. Question. Did any of these men have actual contact with any members of Al-Qaeda that you know of? The answer is no. Question. Did they have any means to carry out this plot? I mean, did you find any explosive weapons?

Attorney General, you raise a good point. We took action when we had enough evidence. Question. Was there anything against the Sears Tower other than this one apparent just kind of mention of the Sears Tower? It doesn't look like they even took pictures of FBI, director of FBI.

One of the individuals was familiar with the Sears Tower, had worked in Chicago, and was familiar with the tower, but in terms of plans, it was more aspirational than operational. He should have heard his plan. He was like, the Sears Tower, that's the biggest building in the world. He's like, exactly. That was the whole plan.

It literally was like fucking Kung Fu instructors from the department. And he used cups on the table. He was like, we're going to blow this part of the city up, and then there's going to be a tidal wave. It's going to fucking kill everybody. And they were like, all right, we got them.

Look at this. A lot of big shows have been made of the militaristic boots they had. It turns out the FBI bought them the boots. Wow. Wow. Yikes. It was one of the biggest pieces of evidence. The group might have taken pictures of a bunch of targets in South Florida, but the guys

couldn't afford their own cameras, so the federal government bought them the cameras. They couldn't afford their own cameras. How are they going to blow up a building? The federal government rented the cars that they needed to get downtown in order to take the pictures. In addition, the men provided the FBI informant with a list of things they needed in order to blow up these buildings. The FBI's like, could you do anything on your own?

But in the list, they didn't include any explosives or any materials which could be used to make explosives. So everyone in Liberty City is joking. Everyone in Liberty City was joking that the guys were going to kick down the FBI building with their new boots. Ay, ay, ay. Fuck. It's pretty sad. Yeah. It is pretty sad.

I can't believe I have to piss again. Oh, yeah. I'm still going strong. Let's get that piss, and then we'll wrap it up. I haven't pissed yet. We should just wrap it up now. It's 6 o'clock. You sure?

Plug? Grab it up. Get something to eat. Yeah. Plugs? Plugs. I haven't pissed. That's pretty good.

Mark, man, congratulations. I got the Beacon Theater March 24th. Hell yeah. Followed by an entire European tour at the end of April. Glasgow, London, Manchester, and then all through fucking Romania. R.E. Shafir.com. R.E. Shafir.com for all those tickets. You got that right.

Mark Norman, where you at? Hey, I'm all over the road. I don't know when this comes out. Especially because Dan Soad. Theater tour announcing this summer. Going to Australia, UK. I'm coming to your town.

We're all over the place. MarkNormanComedy.com. We might be drunk. Get Bodega Cat. Tuesdays with Stories. Damn, you got a good website. That's a good website. Oh, you like that?

All right. Solid. Stinks. Solid. All right. Hire his guy. Jersey. I'm really running through the mud.

Look at these rooms. I'm really kicking through the mud. Look at these rooms. I'm really kicking my own ass here. Look at you. God rules. You're going to the fucking cold places in the winter. Exactly. He's getting hard reps for a special. Hard reps.

Bad people dead inside. Come on out. Say hello. Queef it up. Praise Allah. Shane Gillis. Gillian Keeves is on Amazon. We just got that up.

That's pretty neat. That's fun. We're going to add some shows to this. Your fucking website sucks, dude. My website does suck. Comparison to Normans. Queen Elizabeth is great. That's a good theater.

I don't know any of this. Minneapolis. Yeah, check them out. Toronto. Go up to Canada. London on Thursday. Good place to get stabbed. Oh, but me, Big J, Nick Mullen, and Tim Dillon are doing two shows.

We're doing one in the Giant Center in Hershey, PA. And one of them is in South Carolina. I forget where it is. Greenville. Greenville, maybe. South Carolina. Is it on your website? No.

No. But it's coming. Okay. When are you going to announce that? I don't know. I just saw it. Instagram. Shane Gillis.

We've got to come up with a dumb name for it. The Four Bottoms. My name in my current tour is the Many People Believe that Tony Hinchcliffe is Gay Tour. Ah, now we're talking. Yeah, it might be. How many is it? It might get changed. How many?

What's the number? Many People Believe? Many People. Yeah, like what percentage? It's just percentage. 78. Hmm. Interesting.

That's it. Goodbye, everybody. I don't think we need to do any editing on this one This episode is brought to you by Igloo Coolers Guys if you've got to throw up in a cooler Choose Igloo, it's the best cooler to hold in your vomit What about the Whippet, you want to shout out the Whippet brand? If you look at Whippets

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Don't forget your crackers. You can't call them that or they won't serve you. He's just like, no, we're not doing this. At allreaturefree.com, get your genuine crackers. You guys rule. Bye, everybody. Much love. Bye. much love bye