The Joe Rogan Experience - #1947 - Chris Distefano

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Chris Distefano is a stand-up comedian, on-air personality, host of the "Chrissy Chaos" podcast, and co-host of "Hey Babe!" podcast with Sal Vulcano. His new comedy album, "Chrissy New York Comedy Club", is available now. www.chrisdcomedy.com

the Joe Rogan experience hello Chrissy hello good to see you brother nice to see you I like the shades I know I feel like Jeffrey Dahmer are those Anthony Aiden's Anthony Aiden dude Anthony Aiden st. Mark's Lower East aydens anthony aydin dude anthony aydin st mark's lower east side yeah i wanted to i have a um i wanted to look like a 70s 80s like mobster look i want that's what i wanted to go for and anthony was like i got you oh yeah that you nailed it yeah anthony aydin and he's one of those guys like a mma guy so it's like you know he's selling these nice glasses but then he's one of those guys, he's like a MMA guy. So it's like, you know, he's selling these nice glasses, but then he's got the cauliflower ear, and he's always got like bruises on his face. Yeah, I met him in New York. Very nice guy.

He gave me a beautiful pair of sunglasses, like with like rose-colored shades. Yeah. They're very nice. They're transition lenses. Yeah, mine too. And the thing is with these is this is, you know, I'm going for it, right? And I've went a little crazy. You're going for it?

I'm just going for it. I've said, you know what? Enough's it right and i've went i've went a little crazy and i'm going for it i'm just going for it i've said you know what enough's enough enough i said i'm done i'm i'm i'm putting on glasses i'm wearing a watch wow and i'm changing what you got uh ap royal oak oh that's a nice watch i just came i talked to andrew santino and i said i want to watch and he sent me this link and i said but what about that price he said if you're gonna do it just fucking do it wow and so he and then i did it and then when i sent him a picture of it on he was like dude i was kidding like you you you just jumped like 10 steps and then he said what is you're like a different chrissy with these glasses and i know i said to you before i'm wearing them every day i haven't taken the watch or the glasses off in about two weeks

and i feel good about it now i feel centered centered with who I am, but it does feel like, you know, month from now, I'll look back and really regret this phase. Why? Cause I think that, um, um, um, I, uh, listen, I'm having fun right now. It's no regrets, but I'm just saying, I know the way my mind works and I think I'm probably going too hard, too fast. Like I just, you know you know the glasses the watch you go. I got a tour manager. I don't need any of this I'm just going keep going yeah worried about all right, then I'll do it. I need a coach Yeah, eat somewhere in the corner go keep going keep going keep going I ate a bag of chicken skin in the green room look at you look at the fucking look I like the new look dude because you know what this is too. What? You know what happened is I started-

It's a glow up. It's a glow up. That's what it is. Yeah, you're glowing up. It's a glow up. I'm like Elliot Page, glowed up. I think you look great. I appreciate that.

You got a fucking bracelet on, too? Dude, I'm not- I've completely went insane. Wow. That's not insane. You're making a little cash. You're doing well. And you know what-

Netflix special's doing well. That's it. Everything's good. The kids tour, and the kids are making some shekels the kids let's go the kids doing Radio City Music Hall folks doing Radio City Music Hall folks September 22nd I mean that's see for a New Yorker that's like that's the thing that's the place you go to Radio City and and and it's and it's been amazing yeah that's uh yeah and it's been amazing been amazing. We sold 4,500 tickets the first week. That's amazing.

It's like mind-blowing for me. That place is so... Didn't Roy Jones Jr. have a fight there once? Probably. I think when Roy Jones Jr. was just murking people, Roy Jones Jr. put on a fight. I'm pretty sure he did it there. Yeah.

He did it at some iconic venue in New York City. And Radio City Music Hall is one of the peaks. it there yeah he did it at some iconic venue in new york city and radio city music hall is one of the the peaks it's when i started comedy i've and still yeah it is there it is yeah roy jones jr produced a radio city spectacular who did he fight that was when what's that oh that's right even fighting one-handed. That was, yeah. Well, that was when Roy Jones Jr. was just the fucking king of the world. Yeah. People forgot.

Like, he had to make a song called Y'all Must Have Forgot. He did it literally. He made a song called Y'all Must Have Forgot because people forgot. Right. He was the fucking man. There was a period of time, and this is the thing about fighters, you can't keep it up forever. It's impossible.

And a lot of times we think about fighters as who they were at the end of their career. Right. When their bodies were failing and they had too much mileage on the tank, on the odometer rather. Roy Jones Jr., when he was in his peak, in his prime, was as good as anybody that's ever laced on gloves. Yeah, I agree. Did you watch the Paul Fury fight yesterday? Yes, I did. What did you think?

I thought it was a very good fight. It confirmed two things that I've been saying for a long time. One, Jake Paul is 100% legit. People that think he's not legit, he's conning you. He's conning you with his antics. He's conning you with his online persona and the shit talking in the marketing but if you didn't have any of that and me as an analyst like I that's one of my jobs I analyze mixed martial arts I'm not a boxing analyst but I understand it right when I watch him move around it's a hundred percent

legit when I saw him knock out Tyron Woodley I'm like that is a fucking dangerous man yeah a hundred A hundred percent. Yeah. I was watching it illegally on a phone. Why don't you pay for it, you fucking piece of shit? I didn't know because I ran out of money. I bought too many glasses. I spent it all on the watch. No, because I didn't even know.

I love sports and stuff, but I'm not into, not that I'm not into boxing. I just don't ever watch it that much. And so the guy that I'm with, he was sports and stuff, but I'm not into, not that I'm not into boxing. I just don't ever like watch it that much. And so the guy that I'm with, he was like, oh, the fight's happening now. So he's like, I got a site and we started, I was eating ice cream yesterday in San Francisco in little Italy. And I only eat sweets once a week now. So yesterday was my sweets day.

Nice. And I was eating, I ate, I got four scoops of gelato. So I was three and a half scoops in and the blood sugar, the way it hit, you know, I was getting woozy, but it's like what I've been waiting for. And I'm watching the fight happen. And then, you know, San Francisco, right outside, I see two homeless guys fighting, like legitimately fighting. And it was kind of one of those things where I swear to God, even though amazing fighters

that, you know, Paul and Fury, the fight outside was so much more entertaining. I mean, I've never seen this. I saw a homeless man yesterday in front of, as the kid out in the green room, as my witness, roundhouse kick another, land a roundhouse kick to the chin. The other homeless guy's face, the guy hit up against some outdoor dining, was like shell-shocked, like, you know, like woozy, bleeding from his lip, and then just scurried off. And I was like, wow. And then I bought the homeless guy who won the fight ice cream. I swear to God.

But did you know whether who instigated the fight? Maybe the homeless guy with the roundhouse kick is like a crack stealer. I was going to say, I think most likely fentanyl instigated the fight. I would feel like fentanyl would calm it down. Yeah, that's true too. It was, I don't know if when's the last time you've been to San Fran, but I mean, it got, you know. It's pretty wild.

It was wild there in North Beach, you know, little Italy. And I was like, man, this is next level. But I thought my mother always instilled in me, like always buy homeless people food. If you see them, buy them food. And so that's just what I automatically do. And I bought him ice cream. And you know what this guy says to me? Granted, you just want to fight. But I came out with him ice cream and you know what this guy says to me granted he just wanted to fight

but I came out with chocolate ice cream he goes I don't like chocolate I was like Jesus Christ well that's probably why he's homeless seriously right because of the ego and like disagreeableness yes so I went and got a vanilla and he ate the vanilla oh you did that that's good for you because you know it's my sweet stay I just had the chocolate

good for you that's a lovely thing to do I wish it was just you know that the people to do. Yeah. I wish it was just, you know, that the people were down on their luck. I wish it was just that. Yeah. But there's like such a combination of factors that humans have to address. If they really want to address homelessness, you really have to address

kids that grew up in the foster care system. You have to address childhood abuse. You have to address family history of drug addiction. You have to address family history of drug addiction you have to address crime like there's so many factors that lead into someone being homeless and the idea that you're just gonna give them housing or you're just gonna give them tents and everything's gonna be fine it's like no

like you can't just like ignore that as an issue like if you're gonna the amount of money that it costs to have massive populations of homeless people is extraordinary. If they just put the same amount or maybe more to prepare for the future into some sort of like comprehensive program to try to help people that are fucked up like that and clean them up. And it would probably have to involve psychedelic drugs. Yeah, that's what I was. I think that you probably because because it's not a money thing, right? People, they have money. It's not a cure it's not a financial cure it's these people people that are just so damaged by life yes in in whether it's chemically damaged psychologically

damaged maybe they don't have the right psych medications maybe they're off their meds you know a lot of them have gone through horrific abuse like you don't wind up in a tent in skid row unless shit has gone it's literally the bottom of tent in skid row unless shit has gone. It's literally the bottom of the country. Skid row is like the bottom of the country. Right. But then I wonder if you get to talk to some people and they're like, we,

this is where we want to be. You think some people are willingly that? Because they don't, they're, they don't know anything else. Right. Right. They don't know love.

They don't know like the accomplishment of like doing a thing and getting better at it and like improving upon and realizing that's kind of a vehicle for improving yourself they haven't experienced like positive things like the life life is like this is why it drives me fucking crazy when any everybody says like whenever anyone says like pull them up by their own bootstraps like to tell people to go you know figure it out yourself you know i did or like these people you're not dealing with the even starting line if everybody had an even starting line that would

make sense if everybody had a mom and a dad and they grew up in a house where no one smoked crack and right fucking shot at each other if you grew up in a place like that, okay, if we all grew up and we all had a good school to go to with good education and nice teachers that cared, but that's not everybody's experience. And until we fucking fix that, you're never going to fix this homeless problem. I was lucky to grow up. I grew up in New York City, great parents, whatever. But then I just had a show in Fresno a couple of days ago. And I said, if I grew up here, I'd be a little different.

You'd be a lot different. Because Fresno is one of those places where I went a great time. But I mean, just being there, just being in that city for 24 hours, I was like, I don't know. If this was my every single day, you might turn to drugs. It's depressing. It's depressing. I drove from Fresno to San Jose, and we were passing through Stockton. And I thought I was in Switzerland because that's what an upgrade it was from Fresno. I was like, what are we, in the fucking Alps?

Bro, I was driving through a street in Fresno, and people were walking out in the middle of the street like, what the fuck are you doing driving here? Yeah. Like, I went down a wrong area where it's, like, mostly homeless people. Yeah. Oh, no, no. That, the Fresno skid row that i saw was the one i think the worst i've ever seen i'm sorry no in uh in uh was it yeah it was uh san jose i should say san jose was was really really really fucking bad um over there i was like jesus christ you know you

um and vancouver i just went to vancouver that was the one where i was like i did not know that vancouver had such a... See, I think what Vancouver and these cities are doing is they're just putting their homeless in one section. Because, you know, I live in New York. I'm in New York every day. There are homeless and they're spread out through the city. But you never see blocks of tents like you see in San Francisco and Vancouver. So when I was there, I was like, this doesn't feel like the right move either, to just put them in one corner.

Because New York, they're spread out, but you don't feel them as much. It's dangerous, but not really. Where San Francisco, Vancouver, they were like, one of the local comics I was with in San Fran, he was like, you cannot leave anything in your car around this theater. You cannot.

They will break in. And I saw about four or five windows busted out, which you cannot leave anything in your car around this theater. You cannot. They will break in. And I saw about four or five windows busted out, which you never see that in New York. And I think the police in Vancouver and San Fran, from what the people were telling me, that's a district they don't care. They don't even go into that district. They just let it be a free-for-all, which I understand from the government. It's like, well, this is our last resort. But I don't know that that's going to necessarily work. But maybe you got to give them psychedelics.

Well, what they're doing right now is not working. You can't just let people smash people's windows. It's so crazy. And it's a direct result of horrific police violence. Yes. That's what it's from. It's from you watch like the George Floyd video. Right.

You watch those five guys beat that man to death recently You see these videos you see the Roddy King video You've seen so many videos so people like over time have decided that all police are bad and all police interactions are bad and we need to defund the police and This is what that leads to it just leads to an increase in crime. It's not perfect It's not a perfect system right right, but you need a system law and order. If you don't have a system of law and order, you have too many people that would just give in with no consequences to crime. Right.

And that's not their fault in a lot of cases. I mean, we can go through that and talk about determinism and what we've already talked about before about everybody doesn't have an even starting line. But you've got to address that it's starting line but you've got to address that it's a problem and you've got to address for peaceful people they have to be able to walk down the street and not worry about getting assaulted and robbed yeah if that happens all the time you've got a fundamental breakdown of what your society supposed to use in society strong are supposed to protect the vulnerable right and if you're not doing that then you don't have a society and then you also have this crazy gun laws and everything it's a little difficult to you're not allowed to concealed

carry there's a lot of like so there's no consequence of people coming after you it's not like it's like fucking the wild west out there it's just the prevalence of crime has increased pretty noticeably yeah and like i said new New York was pre-pandemic the safest city I thought in the world. I grew up there. I was like, it's so safe. It's insane. And I always would say the same thing about New York. I would say New York is the only city that like any time of the day, any day of the week, you feel like the vibrance, you feel the people where I would go to a city like, even though I love it, like a city like Cleveland, Cleveland would feel, even though it's open, it felt closed. Like that's just what the

city always felt like. And I was like, I never felt that once in New York, but now over the last like year or two, New York, a lot of times, like 50% of the week feels closed, even though it's open. And I'm like, oh snap, it hit New York, which I, and then, you know, I talked to my father about that, you know, complain about New York. He was like, Chris, shut up. He's like, I grew up in New York in the 70s and 80s. Like, it is nowhere near as violent and unsafe as it was in the 70s and 80s.

Like, you just grew up in peacetime. He was like, you know, you grew up in peacetime America. Your generation are all peace kids. You're born in the eye of the storm. Yeah, he's like, so you didn't see any of this shit. Yeah. He was like, so you didn't see any of this shit. He was like, so you just had the privilege of growing up in a New York City

and in America that was at the top, you were at the top of the Roman Empire. He was like, and now what you're seeing is kind of a little bit more of the fabric society. He was like,

my dad's like, I grew up in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. This is just reminding me of old New York. He's like, I kind of like this grittiness of this, but you grew up, everybody's safe. That was never going to be real. He was like, and you know, I don't, it will probably come back at some point, but it's going to take a long, long time. But I don't know. I feel like now, like in my, you know, when I'm even like my mom want to take my daughter to Times Square to the American Girl doll store. And I just, I couldn't

believe it. I was like, no, I can't, I can't allow you to take her. She's like, what? It's, I'm your mom, your granddaughter. We'll take, we'll go on the train and I'll take her to the store and I'll be back. I was like, no, I can't, I won't be able to function. My anxiety won't be able to function of thinking about you and my daughter on the train. Cause if there's a homeless person down there, that's crazy office meds. And he throws one of you in front of the tracks and something happens. I won't be able to live with myself and those thoughts were never in my head ever they were never ever ever in my head but now they are and i don't know if it's because it's reality the media something i i i don't know what it is i think it's a little bit of both it is reality it

has happened yeah so to deny that it's happened would be that that's ridiculous yeah there's videos of people doing it. Right. The question is like, how many of them, how much do you need to worry about it? Yeah. And how often is this happening? It's not happening that often when you consider how many people there are, but the fact that it could be a possibility at all. Right.

You know, what's really crazy is like Giuliani cleaned New York City up. He did. He really did. I mean, it was, a lot of people said it was like great overreach and thuggish behavior by the police and all the horrible shit they did, the stop and frisk shit. What would they do? They would just stop you?

So, anybody, so I had a friend who's, he's now a detective. He was a beat cop, 21 years old when Giuliani implemented this stop and frisk thing. And he said, look, he was like, I'm being honest. My friend, he's My friend, he's a Latino guy. He's like, I promise you, our sergeant would come in every morning, talk to us about stop and frisk. And he said, you stop each race, ethnicity, religion, you stop everybody equally. Okay. He said, that's what you're looking for. Everything is equal.

Okay. He said, but his beat was Times Square. He said, now, if I went in to Times Square and I grab a group of kids, pat them down, they have something. Right. But they're, you know, from a socioeconomic status that, you know, is a little impoverished, whatever. What am I supposed to do? Say, oh, you have a gun and a knife and drugs on you. But, you know, I can't I'm not going to take this off you. I'm just going to let you go back out into society. He said, no, I would have to then arrest them. He said, well, then I would take another group of kids that wouldn't have anything, and then you let them go. He said, and then that became, they brought race and identity politics into that type of policing, but we were stopping everybody equally. It's just crime is in certain

areas for certain reasons. He was like, that's above my pay grade. He said, but when they stopped that stop and frisk, he said, the reason, the thing, what's happening, at least in New York now, he said, it's we'll know that somebody has a gun or a weapon. We'll know that they're a career criminal. We know. He said, but we are not allowed to intervene at all unless they commit, unless they act first. He said, so that creates a lot of confidence for the criminal and it creates a lot of, you know, we are scared. He was like flat out. I'm scared to apprehend someone because the police union, if I make a mistake or if it looks like I made a mistake, it's not going to have my back. And I'm going to get sued and lose my family and lose my life. So you start to say, well, just we know you have shit, but just deal with it.

Unless you're raping, murdering someone, then I'll intervene. But the little petty shit I'm not going to get involved in anymore well i think we could look at it both ways right right this is one way to look at it the old way of uh stopping and frisking is easy to abuse of course and when you think about the power that you give someone where they could just walk up to anyone yeah some businessman they don't like, some fucking guy who thinks he's hot shit, some guy who's with his friends who's a little too loud. You just walk up to him and go, come on, let me see all your shit.

I'm going to touch you in front of everybody, make you feel uncomfortable. Shouldn't you have to commit a crime before the police are allowed to frisk you and take your stuff? Shouldn't you at least be accused of a crime? Shouldn't there at least be some sort of criminal behavior where the police are allowed to frisk you and take your stuff? Shouldn't you at least be accused of a crime? Shouldn't there at least be some sort of criminal behavior where the police have to intervene? Because then they're like, people are going to self-correct,

and you're going to act differently in order to try to stop the cops from doing this to you. Right. Like, you got to, that's like a freedom issue. That's a real egregious attack on freedom to just be able to point at someone and be able to just frisk them. No crime, no nothing. That's a weird power to give police. And that's not good. And the other thing's not good either. It's not good to take away all their power either. It's not good to make it so the cops are terrified to respond to a call. That's not good either. So there needs to be some sort of a logical recognition

of what the issues are. Yeah. Right now, I don't think that's happening. Yeah, I don't know what it is. I mean, you know, a guy lives with me, my girlfriend's uncle, transgender guy, T.T. Jerry, 20 years in prison. Jerry.

Shout out to T.T. Shout out, T.T. Jerry's lived a fucking wildlife. On your podcast all the time. On my podcast all the time. Let's open that liquor, son. Yeah, let's, okay, this is, yeah, this is this is uh siesta ligas tequila oh but before you do that i think you should have a whiff okay yeah because you've been wanting to have a whiff so what is this smelling salt this is uh is this uh juju mufu stuff is this dude juju mufu who's

hilarious he's a uh like a super power lifter, body builder type character. And these are smelling salts. So don't throw them away when you panic because you will panic. You're going to take a nice deep whiff with your nostrils. I already smell it and I'm like hyperventilating. Let it hit you. Let it hit you. So what do I do though?

Don't throw it anywhere. Just hold on to it. Just don't panic once you get hit. Don't put your nose too far in there get in there bitch so but but I you got to take me to a smell just take a sniff put it up to your nose and take a sniff it's not complicated you want me to do it first yes The new ones.

Oh, my God. When you freshly open one. Oh, boy. That was a cool noise. It's stunning. It's stunning. You didn't even get that close. No, no, no, no, no.

But that's what I'm saying. When I got there, it went up and down my esophagus and made me gargle. You need a hit of this, Jamie. Come on, Jamie. You need a hit of this, son. Come on, Jamie. I'll probably throw up right now. Jamie, you will not throw up. I feel like you need to join us. I have all this milkshake Starbucks in me. Oh, listen, you're going to be fine. One little quickie. I can smell it from here.

I just took a big quickie. Give me a quickie, Jamie. Oh, I feel nauseous. Jamie with a quickie. Give me a quickie, Jamie. Oh, I feel nauseous. Jamie with a quickie. Let's go. Oh, shit. You got hit. They're so good. The new ones are so good.

Yo, you know what's crazy about that? I just hit that. I've had neck pain for like three days because I slept wrong. My neck pain's gone. Gone. I just uncricked that shit. Look at that. Here we go.

All right, here we go. Theo Vaughn, He was addicted to this He kept hitting it Really? Theo hit it like Four or five times Didn't he? He kept going

He went back I think he hit it After the show I feel it in my eyes Yeah I feel it everywhere Dude So this is Can't be good for you

Anejo tequila Siesta Oh it's beautiful Yeah It's brown tequila Brown tequila Extra anejo So Want some? Thank you There we go Anejo tequila. Siesta. Oh, it's beautiful. Yeah. It's brown tequila. Brown tequila, extra Anejo. So, anyone want some?

Thank you. There we go, baby. Thank you. Yeah, where's the lid? The lid for the... For this stuff. Oh, for that stuff? Is this it?

No, what's this for your whiskey? Oh, my God, what'd you do with that? Oh, shit, the lid. Oh, here, it fell down right here. Hold on. Let me get it. Hold on. I got it.

There you go. We're in a panic with this fucking smelling salt. It's so powerful. Here you go, puppy. Salud, my brother. Yes. Cheers. Cheers.

Yeah, dude. I've never experienced something like that. Yeah, these guys take it before they lift. I guess it just shocks the central nervous system, and then they fucking... Go wild, right? Yeah. Pull up a picture of Juju Mufo.

You've got to see this dude. Well, you should watch, actually, video of him because he's more impressive in video. He's really a crazy athlete. Yeah. He's not just, like, a power lifter. He does, like, backflips. I wonder if they have that stuff on the...

Dude, by the way, I just saw... I don't know if you guys spoke about it on the show. I just saw something when I was coming in today that one section of the war in russia the ukrainian soldiers on the front line have a four-hour lifespan oh my god i was like what the fuck four-hour lives i was like is that even how can that be real real i saw it in the news article four-hour lifespan but i was just made me that made me think of that like i wonder if if what these soldiers, like when the Nazis used to take crystal meth before and then just go crazy. They do shit like that. I don't think they do shit like that, but they definitely take amphetamines.

You have to, right? That's a common thing. It helps them at war. I mean, the Vikings took mushrooms. Really? Yeah, the berserkers. What they would do is they'd get fucking high as fuck on psilocybin. They would chew down psilocybin.

That's jujimufu. Oh, I've seen this guy. The dude's doing a full split, sideways split, while he's holding up two 45-pound plates that are dangling from rubber bands with a bamboo pole. Do you know how unstable that is? I wouldn't even be able to hold that over my head, probably. unstable that is, like I wouldn't even be able to hold that over my head probably.

This dude is balancing on a full split with, you know, in between two chairs. Like he's a crazy athlete, man. He's a crazy human being. It's crazy human being. But a positive crazy. But it's fun.

It's fun. He's a fun dude. And, and, and yeah, I mean that guy, he, I'm sure he,

I think he intermittent fast. Do you think he's into intermittent fasting? A guy like that? I don't know. I would imagine he's into a lot of things. Dude, that changed my whole life. I dropped 35 pounds. I fucking, I stocked out off social media and I started intermittent fasting.

Life changed, bro. Good for you. Life changed. It's literally, I just said to myself, I can't give any more energy to things that are not helping me. I can't give energy to strangers anymore so I have somebody who runs my social media Brian Morton he's a big fan of yours

shout out to Brian he's got hair like Lance a lot like medieval hair I've never seen a guy pull off a fucking medieval bob like this kid but he runs it for me now and dude it's changed I got to a point where I was 255 pounds and I was fucking around right I was 255 pounds and I was fucking around, right?

I was 255 pounds, didn't even realize it. And I put on one of TT Jerry's wigs, like just chilling, whatever. And I got on the scale, just fucking, I don't know what I was doing. And I looked 255 and I said to the mirror, I said, you look like a fat Howard Stern right now. And it was funny.

Like my family were all laughing, ha, fat Howard Stern running around my tits, you know? And my daughter, everybody's having fun. and then it's on my birthday august so just a few months ago and then i get go in the shower right i'm not even thinking it's not not even in my head out of nowhere hysterical crying bawling crying like something hit me that i was suppressing like literally like uncontrollable tears, like snot coming out of my nose, like a seven-year-old could not stop. And something like broke inside of me. And then I think this is where the universe comes in. It's not that it happened. Like, I think I just had

probably seen stuff like this before, but now that my eyes were open to look, I started taking in information and I'm on Twitter, like, you know, two hours later, just, you know, mindlessly scrolling, you know, dealing with the emotions, whatever. And I see a tweet from Elon Musk and he's just, he wasn't, it wasn't promoting this. He just was, it was a genuine tweet. He goes, the zero intermittent fasting app is awesome. That's all he wrote. And I said, I'm going to download that app right now. And I downloaded this app, Zero Fasting app. And I was just like, I'm just going to do this for two weeks. I'm just going to stay in a eight hour, six or eight hour feeding window. Don't worry about not eating sweets or pizza. Just eat all the food you want to eat, but just eat it in that window.

And let's see what happens for two weeks. What does the app do? So the app, what it pretty much, I mean, Joe DeRosa makes fun of me. He's like, dude, all it is is a fucking timer. You're like talking. The app is just a timer? He's like the app is just a timer he's like it because because what basically when you he's like you're an asshole dude you're like making it like this is from the mayans it's a timer on your phone you jerk off yeah so but basically when i start eating like let's say i start eating my first meal is at 10 a.m i put uh you know i'm eating from 10 to 6 and at 6 p.m. I press the button, start fasting

and then it starts to go. And then at 10 a.m. I'll get a notification the next day, feeding window over, congratulations. And then the more time you stay in the fast, it'll say, now you're in the fat burning, now you're in the ketosis, whatever. And so I just said to myself, I'm going to stay to this. And dude, in those two weeks, even though I was eating bullshit, in two weeks, it's not that the weight dropped, but the composition of my body was starting to change. And I noticed I was like, oh, I ran like half a mile more. I had 10 more pounds on the end of the bench press. And then it just became like, this is what I do now.

Now I'm Chrissy Intermittent Fasting, but then I think the glasses and the watches from the fasting so well you just a full glow up I'm doing the body glow up too yeah and jazz and my girlfriend hates it she's like what that you know what I hated cuz she's like you know you use glasses to watch the body what the fuck are you doing she's like it I was like I'm trying to be healthy baby to keep you fat she wants to keep me fat yeah she wants to keep me fat. Wow. Yeah. She wants to keep me fat. And I told her. Are you sure? Maybe not.

Maybe she just doesn't want to put pressure on you. Yeah. She's worried if you're going crazy with all the watch and the glasses and the fat that you might snap. Well, she gets worried about me because I go hard or go home. And she's like, you go too fast with things. She goes, you go from zero to 100. And I just worry that you've lost all this weight in this quick period of time,

and I just worry that you go too hard, and then something else happens. Because she reminded me. She's like, remember the last time you lost all this weight this quick? It was 2018. And I said, yeah. And she's like, and then remember all of 2019

you thought you were gay? She was like, that's what I, I just don't want that to happen. Yeah. And that's what happened. And it's true. It tipped my personality.

Go hard or go home. I go hard or go home. And that's the phase I'm in now with the glasses, with who I am. You know, like I just booked myself with the Four Seasons. I said, or go home. And that's the phase I'm in now with the glasses, with who I am. You know, like I just booked myself with the Four Seasons. I said, I'm fucking living. And by the way, you can't

worry about things like that. Like, am I gay? Right. Yeah, because I've made a commitment to say I'm not gay. At least I have. I've kind of said, because I've been on the fence a while, but I've said I'm not gay. You know what? You're not gay. And actually Tim Dillon, the great Tim Dillon told me-

He convinced you? He convinced me I'm not gay because he said- It's funny because a lot of people think Tim's not gay. They think it's a scam. They think Tim's not gay. It's a scam. Interesting. It's a scam. First Patreon.

Well, so it gives him the get out of jail free pass. It's a good point. Oh my God. There's so many things that he can make fun of that we can't even touch. Yeah. Well, you know, that's smart. So maybe I'm rethinking this gay thing if that is a scam. Maybe that's the scam of the century.

That's the move. But he said an interesting thing. He said he knows I'm not gay because even though I play around and I'll be like, you know, I'll joke. I'm like, I don't need cock unless it's in my fasting window. Like, you know, we'll joke around and'm like, I don't need cock unless it's in my fasting window. Like, you know, we'll joke around and whatever. But then I asked him seriously once. I was like, do you think I'm like possibly gay? And he was like, and he was like,

and he said, no. He said, no, because you know why you're not gay? He said, because you actually are insecure about your body. He said, so there's times where like, you know, you'll be like, oh, my nipples are fat or like, and he said, a gay man usually lean in to body positivity, how sexy my body is, whatever. He said, so since you don't, he's like, I just don't think like a gay guy would be more like, look at how, look at how imperfectly perfect I am. He said, most gay men. Tim is a different breed because it's a scam. But I was like, interesting.

So he kind of gave me the confidence to move forward and say, you're not gay. Well, I'm glad he did that for you. That's a true friend. Because Jasmine has brought up that she thinks I'm gay multiple times. She thought I'm gay right after sex. She's just something. And I thought I laid it on her. We had great, powerful sex.

And she'd be like, honey, like, you know, rubbing my chest. She's like, it's okay if you're gay. Like, everything is okay. And I'm like, what do you think? And then she'll never give me an answer. Maybe that's what she wants. Maybe that's what she wants. You know what? Maybe that's what she wants.

Because I think if I was gay, then there would be less worry from her. Because I don't think her walking in on me with a woman is a lot harder than her walking in on me with Tim Dillon. You know what I mean? Right. That makes sense. She would be able to accept that. But I'm not gay. That's the thing.

That's what I'm trying to say. Yeah. And if I was, by the way, I'd be supportive of it. And I would be supportive of it as well. I'll say this. Please do. I'm gonna commit to not being gay, at least to New Year's Eve of 2023. And that's, and 2024

we start over, Jamie. Well, New Year's Eve of 2023, how many months is that? Where are we at? 10 months. You can do it. Listen, if I can keep my fasting window in six hours... If you can keep that watch and those glasses on for two weeks... I haven't taken them off once. Anthony Aiden specifically told me, don't go in the shower with them.

I shower with them every day. Same thing with the watch. When I went and got this watch, shout out my guy Yanni from Material Goods. It sounds like a guy would sell you a watch. He was wearing these glasses. We had matching glasses on. And he's a great guy. Great guy. And he was like, do you know, he's an awesome guy.

He's like, do you know anything about watches? I was like, not a thing. He was like, okay. So he goes, why don't you go around the store and just pick out five watches that you really like. You don't even know what the price is. Just pick out what you want. So I pick out five watches. And he goes, hmm, interesting. He was like, how much do you think these are total?

I was like, I have no idea. I was like 20 grand. He was like, you just picked out $1 million worth of watches. I was like, whoa, whoa, wee, wah. He was like, so obviously let's scale it back. He started explaining to me the AP. I'm a lunatic. He started explaining to me Jesus Christ the AP I'm a lunatic he started explaining to me the AP the Rolex the Patek all that and then he brought out this

the Royal Oak and you know Santino had shown it to me and I said it's a sign from God Santino sent me a link to that Santino has one of those

Santino has one of these they're beautiful watches beautiful watches and that price was wild but I said you know I spoke to my accountant I'm I you know I got a family to run so I try i said you know i spoke to my accountant i i'm i you know i got a family to run so i try to be responsible financially i spoke to my accountant

i said you know is it okay to buy this watch he said this is a new chrissy huh i said yeah i'm i'm i want to live in this he goes you sure this is not a spur of the moment decision i said i said to my accountant i said fucking do i have the green light or what i'm ready to go and he was like you can do it it's an appreciating asset so that ready to go. And he was like, you can do it. It's an appreciating asset. So that's why I don't mind you doing it. You can do it. It appreciates. Fine.

Do it. And then I fucking did it. And I got to be honest, when I put this on, there was a part of me that was like, what are you doing, Chris? What are you doing? This is not you. What are you doing? But now that I've had it on, it kind of, you know what happened?

It's like I instantly put it on. What a beautiful watch. Beautiful watch. I instantly put it on and it took me back to 2010, to March of 2010. And I hadn't even thought about this when I made the decision to do comedy. I was on the elliptical at Force Fitness in Ridgewood, Queens. Shout out Force Fitness. I was on the elliptical working out like a stepmom and I was hitting those calories

and I was going hard. Go hard or go home. That's always been who I am. And I was on the elliptical and I had been thinking about the idea of doing comedy for years, but I didn't have the balls to do it. And I said, Chris, something popped in my head. I was listening to a fallout boy on my headphone. It was at an iPod back then. I was listening to a fallout boy and something about the beat and the song gave me this adrenaline rush. And I started thinking about being on stage, trying standup and I said once you get

off this elliptical once you hit your 45 minutes you're going to get off you're going to go back to your mother's house where you live you're going to take a shower and you're going to go find an open mic and you're going to do this now and I said I'm doing it and I did it I went found the creek in the cave when it was Long Island City Queens shout out Rebecca Trent first open mic and I walked into that open mic if 2010. And I saw a young Mark Norman, the young Sam Morrill, young Michael Che, all open micers. Nobody knew any, and I knew they had already been doing it. And I was like, these guys are great. And I went in there, did my five minutes, absolutely bombed. But I said, I'm not turning back and I'm going to go on this journey

of comedy. And when I put this watch on, something like teleported me back there and was like, dude, that decision, you went from the elliptical to affording this watch with jokes and i was like be proud of yourself don't if you know one of my close friends like you're a fucking douche for that and i was like you know what i'm not gonna let that shit get in i i'm proud of this wait a minute your friend said you're a douche yeah i'm the watch he said i was a douche he was like you're fucking there's kids starving all over i was like i give money to charity too like i i just felt like why you may i said oh that's a ridiculous hater gesture i didn't even negotiate with him in my head i said don't let him that's his problem i said you're proud to do this you're happy i'm happy about this i feel i feel i always beat the shit out of

myself i feel proud of myself for for letting comedy get me to this. Good for you. I feel proud. You deserve that. Yeah, and I never really feel proud. The idea that you should never engage in any luxury at all, it's ridiculous. Yeah. It's silly. People somehow or another think that you should give all of your money away because people are starving. That's not going to fix anything.

You've got to fix things systemically. You've got to fix things systemically. You've got to fix things at literally the level. You have to be boots on the ground in wherever the problem is. The idea that you're not buying that watch at some point or keeping someone poor is so stupid. Yeah, it's nothing to do with me. It's like you're either playing the game of capitalism or you're not. You know?

And everybody who works for a living is playing the game. You might not like the game. You might think the game's unfair. Right. But you can't get mad if somebody buys something nice. You want to buy something nice, too. People like nice things. You just like everybody has their own nice things.

For some people, it's a nice guitar. With other people, it's a watch. For some people, it's a nice house. It's not a bad thing. Yeah. It's like, you know what? One part of me buys an expensive watch. The other part of me buys homeless people ice cream. There you go. I have duality. Yeah, you really did. You covered both of them already. Where my friend who's hating on

me, he's not doing anything. What does he do? Works for sanitation. Yeah. DSNY. Shout out sanitation. Garbage men are, you know, they're out there, but you know, he's angry every day. You ever heard the quote that all criticism is the tragic result of unmet needs? I've used that way too much lately. That's the last one. All criticism. I'm going to take a break. It's the tragic result of unmet needs. That's an abbreviation.

The full quote is actually more eloquent. What's your favorite quote? I feel like you're a quote. You're Joey Quotes. I don't have a favorite quote. I mean, it's amazing that there's so many of them out there, though, that you can get them off your phone instantaneously. Like, people mock, like, meme quotes and inspirational quotes. But if you can find out about Socrates in, like, a five-second little Instagram photo, and you read a quote, and you're like, wow, that's pretty profound.

And then you go and read more of Socrates, and then next thing you know, you're, like, reading his books. Or you're reading, you know meditations by marcus aurelio wild book that's applicable today that's sick that's my favorite follow that's stoic instagram oh stoic is great yeah ryan holiday's great oh yeah ryan holiday yeah he looks like the guy that killed four college students in idaho that's who i thought it was i was like oh the stoic is a mass murderer he's out He's out. He's out. He's writing books about just being cool about everything.

Did you hear that, by the way, with Idaho? They're thinking about bringing back the firing squad if he gets convicted. Oh, my God. Well, they think he might have killed people in Washington State, too. Interesting. Is that where it was? It was somewhere else.

There was another place where he lived where similar crime took place, and they think he was studying crime in college in order to get better at it. It's really an evil, scary story. If all they're accusing him of is accurate, it's horrific that that guy was out there. Right. Dude, you want to hear a wild story? So my mom had a friend. Let's see if we can find out if that's true, though. Yeah. That guy was out there. Right. Dude, you want to hear a wild story? So my mom had a friend. Let's see if we can find out if that's true, though.

Yeah. Which part? The part where they think that he might have committed a similar crime somewhere else. Here we go. See, this is what's happening now. On an intermittent fasting stomach, I'm going to start getting crazy. It might get bad in here. Want to take another sniff?

Why the hell not? All right, here we go. Ready? Oh, that was deep. Oh! Joey went in. I went in. Okay. Get in there, Chrissy. Woo!

Jamie? No. No? Jamie said no. I didn't even get his full name out before no was coming out of his mouth. Jamie, that one burned. That one fogged up my glasses. That one burned, baby. I get it, dude. I want a lift right now.

Seriously. I want to do some deadlifts. I seriously, like, yeah, like, I want to fucking, I want to, yeah. Put the lid on it. I want to, I want to, like, start doing jujitsu with you. I don't even know how to do it. There's nothing like a freshie when you open them up fresh. That is a freshie.

Yeah, when you let them sit for a while, they lose a lot of their potency. Like, we had one that was here for a few months, and it had lost a lot of kick. But damn, when you open them fresh. I haven't seen anything about other crimes. I'm trying. I'm looking still. I believe it was where he was originally going to school. Yeah, it said he was Washington State.

Yeah. But just did you Google may have possibly committed similar crime in Washington State? Washington crime. Okay. Just Google may have possibly committed, wanted for possibly committing similar crime. A lot of serial killers come from this part of the country. He could be major link to other murders. This is it.

And this is in Newsweek. Okay. It says new evidence recovered may be a major link to the Idaho murders. He's been accused of fatally stabbing University of Idaho students. The search warrant, which was reported by the New York Times, discussed several items which were taken from his residence. Where is the thing about the other cases? Oh, here it is.

Attending another place. On December 30th, he was arrested at his parents' residence in Pennsylvania. Extradited to Idaho, where he's currently charged. Koberger was attending Washington State University at the time of the murders. Yeah. He looks like the guy from the Stoic. But there was something. He does.

He looks a lot like him. But Ryan Holiday is quite a bit more handsome. Ryan Holiday's his older, like, brother. Ryan Holiday, hottie with a body. It says Pennsylvania was sifting through cold cases for links to him. Oh, it was Pennsylvania? Interesting.

Yeah, they pulled him over, he was in his parents' house. Because remember, the media was saying, we don't know, we don't have any leads, but the FBI was following him across the country. Yeah, they can't over. It was in his parents' house. Because remember, the media was saying, we don't know, we don't have any leads. But the FBI was following him across the country. Yeah, they can't just leak all that information. They're in the middle of an investigation of a fucking psycho. But it is wild. He's famous now for these murders.

But as you said, could be stuff before. My mom had a friend, right? Grew up in Utah. Maybe she's 18, 19 years old on whatever year of 70s 80s whatever goes on a date with a guy right normal date just met him i think at the supermarket goes on a date with this guy and she's um at the table with him and she feels very like a ominous feeling looking at this man she's like I'm looking at him and I can see like there's nothing behind his eyes. Like there's just something that I don't like about this guy.

So to the point where she has never done this, you know, she was only 18, but since this has never done this, she went to a pay phone at the restaurant, called her brother and was like, can you please come pick me up like immediately and stayed in the bathroom until her brother? Was outside and went in the car and left and she was like I'm just creeped out by this guy

I can't explain it. I'm creeped out all this energy. I'm creeped out creeped out now He had this man had picked her up from her house. So the brother had a paper route He's leaving the next morning at 5 a.m see some ruffling in the bushes okay crazy right like whatever sees a guy running out of the bushes says holy shit whatever runs back in the house tells his mom and dad sister wakes up says he was wearing like a beige jacket she's like that's the guy i was on a date with like that he was like waiting he must have been like waiting for me right whatever goes on life goes on what a psycho lunatic boyfriend three years later ted bundy on the news face she was on a

date with ted bundy before he had committed any murders or he had committed murders but had not been famous for it yet had not been convicted of it yet she said when he saw him he she literally almost fell out of her chair because she was like that look she said that ted bundy about you know how you know everyone says he's so handsome whatever she said he would get a look over him when he was preying on a victim which she was felt she was being preyed on that she doesn't even look he's like he does not look like that his face configures and contorts to something that looks so sinister that she literally was like get me away from him now so i was like whoa fucking teddy b imagine you on a date with ted with a young teddy b that'd be fucking nuts dude so he had already committed murders so he was already and so he was looking to murder her and he was giving that energy out.

She said, you know, based off when all his crimes were exposed from what the FBI said when she went on a date with him, let's say it was 1978. He had already been convicted, connected to murders and other parts of that because his first murders were in like the Utah region. And that's where they were wild. Right. Holy shit, dude. Fucking it's pretty it's pretty nuts and then i think i might have said this on the last one but tt jerry when she was in prison served prison time with the son of sam she shared a wall with the son of sam two murderers she shared one with the son of sam and um uh ronald de feo from the amityville horror house the man who killed all those people and that you know the movie the amityville hard who was really man who killed all those people in the movie The Amityville Horror, who was really based off Ronald DeFeo. She was in prison with both of them at the same time, and the prisoners from Escape from

Dannemora, who like that Showtime show that they made. So she was in like real deal prisoners. But she said the son of Sam. Now, this was months before the Netflix documentary came out. T.T. Jerry said, you know, the son of Sam, David, did, did not kill all those people. He was involved in a cult. There were other murderers, but they, the city pinned it all on him. And then a few months later, this Netflix documentary comes out, came out a couple of years ago, basically saying that most likely son of Sam did not kill all those

people. He killed maybe one or two, but there was other murderers that just got away with it. Do you know the Henry Lee Lucas story? Henry Lee Lucas. Henry Lee Lucas, they made a film about him called Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer. Okay. And it's a guy who got arrested for 62 murders. And he was basically a drifter and he was traveling across the country murdering people. Okay.

And he was basically a drifter, and he was traveling across the country murdering people. Okay. But they think that what really happened was they came up to him and they said, you know, hey, Henry, you know, there was a few people that were killed behind the bushes in Indianapolis in 76. We'd sure love to solve that crime. Was that you? Yep, that's me. I killed them, too. Well, did you do it with a knife?

Because we found a knife. Yep, knife. Killed I killed them too. Well, did you do it with a knife? Because we found a knife. Yep, knife. Killed him with a knife. Yeah. And this guy was basically a dullard and may have killed people. Like, you know, a lot of drifters have killed people. But it seems like, Google that, make sure I'm correct on this.

I think now they think that they attributed a bunch of crimes to him that he couldn't possibly have committed. It's a wild thing. The depraved serial killer who confessed to hundreds of murders. See, this is it. So it was more than 62, which is what he was, I think he was originally charged with. 600 people.

Okay. Drawn together by shared childhood trauma, Henry Lee Lucas and Otis Toole became lovers, then serial killers who terrorized America in the 1970s. than serial killers who terrorized America in the 1970s. But he confessed to hundreds of murders, but they think that some of them he couldn't possibly have done. But did he stay in prison for the rest of his life because of it? Yeah, they might have killed him.

In prison? I don't know what happened. I don't know if he's still alive. But see if he got um if that's a story that they got him to confess to a bunch of murders that he couldn't have actually done that's a common thing though right people confess to stuff all the time you know i i there's a show on apple tv it was called blackbird it just came out last year it's about a real story about a guy who what his tactic would be is is he murdered a lot of people but he would he would say to the police oh i murdered that girl in that county i'm confessing to it but then they would go through the research and be like no

you couldn't have possibly but he would cop to it and then the cops would be like he did that like five times they'd like every county he was investigating like that's what he does he confesses to murders he's a bullshitter but he really was killing people he was using he was confessing to false ones so he could get away with the real ones. Holy shit. Wild, right? Holy shit. So it's like, some of these guys are so smart. Dude, the show Blackbird,

this guy, this actor, I think it's William Hauser, something. This is one of the best actors in my generation. No, Joe, I don't know if you know this guy. This guy's acting is like Daniel Day-Lewis level. He he is a phenomenal actor when you watch the show Blackbird you cannot believe it where I'm like and this is on Apple Plus Apple TV it this is one of the best shows I've seen came out last summer this shit this

kid is literally like phenomenal and then and then I'm watching 101 Dalmatians a day later with my kids and he's in that. I'm like, look at this fucking lunatic. He plays Richard Jewell in the Richard Jewell movie about the Olympic Park bombing. Yep. Wow. Unbelievable actor.

He was also in that sketch show I think you should leave on Netflix, which is one of the funniest sketch shows I've ever seen in my life. He's got great sketches in that.

That guy, but that show, Blackbird, it's unbelievable. So basically what happens is this guy who's from um he's from a bunch of movies this kid is ripped by the way this kid has to be intermittent fasting he's in the watch not the watchman the the um with uh with um yeah samuel jackson's in it it's um it's a famous movie and he's excellent in it but basically the premise of

it's based on a true story. This guy, the guy, the hottie with the body, he gets convicted 10 years in prison for gun charges. I think he's a guy out of Massachusetts. So, and he was a good con man, right? This is all real. Good con man could, you know, gift a gab, whatever. So the FBI wants to pin the guy with the mutton chops, Hauser. They want to pin Larry Hall is his name in real life. They want to pin murders on him. They know that they've kind of caught up to his game now. They know that he lies about murders here to commit murders here. They know it, but they got to convict.

They got to get him to confess to one of these murders because they found the girl's body because he's killing kids like 14 year old girls, like brutal shit, raping them horrific. So they say to this kid, to the jacked guy, they say, look, you got the gift of gab. You got 10 years in federal prison, okay? You're three months into your sentence. We're going to transfer you to this maximum security prison where Larry Hall is. If you can get him to confess to the murder of this girl that we have evidence on, and you can get that. Your sentence is commuted immediately and you're out of prison. That's all you got to do.

But he was in a minimum security prison. So he would be able to either coast through 10 years or take a chance and go to the prison with murderers, rapists, and potentially be murdered in the shower stall. But if he can get this guy gift a gab and get him to confess, then he'll get out. Holy shit. And that's what the show's about. And it was to confess, then he'll get out. Holy shit.

And that's what the show's about. And it was, dude, amazing show. Like, edge of my seat. It was one of the best shows I've seen in a long time. That's awesome. I want to watch it again on Smelling Salt. Thank you for bringing that up. I'm fucking pumped about that.

I've been looking for a new show. Yeah. Oh, and by the way, before, let me just finish a thought about Jerry. What I want to say is, the Son of Sam thing, he said, you know, he was a serial killer, yes, and don't get me wrong. Murderer, you know, deserves to be in prison. He said the biggest fucking lunatic. Like he was like the only person who I met. I was like, this guy needs to be like either put to death or kept like in a cage, like under the jail. He said was Ronald DeFeo, who the Amityville Horror House guy guy because he said he would cook for him all the time Ronald DeFeo and he would like let Ronald DeFeo like jerk off to me they would put like a prison mirror and he would like because he was trans Jerry's he would shake his ass a little bit and let Ronald like get his rocks off whatever he didn't care he said but every morning he would

make Ronald DeFeo jr like a little breakfast and his little you know they had like little um hot hot stoves in there they would let prisoners like Jerry after, after you did enough time, give you some stuff. He'd make a little bacon and stuff for him. And he said, every morning, like clockwork, seven days a week, every morning, bring Ronald his food and say, how was your night, Ronald? How are you feeling?

He was like, good, I feel good. I just, I didn't kill my grandma. It's the only thing. I just, I killed everyone in that house, but I did not get my grandma. So, but everything else, other than that, it's good. And Jerry'd be like, okay. And then keep moving.

So he's like, still, he's in prison for, and that is true. The only one he didn't kill in that house, the grandma either got out or wasn't there, but he was, he was like,

there's no rehabilitation for that man. He genuinely believes if he does not kill his, he would say to him, if I don't kill my grandma, I'm not getting into heaven. So he had it warped. He killed his entire family. And he's like,

that's how I get to heaven. But I got to get the grandma. And then he died in prison recently. But I was like, whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I know. It's wild.

Yeah, there's people that are just not wired correctly. Dude, I've seen- That's a real problem with this homeless situation. It's a real problem with this guy in Idaho. Pedophiles. Shout out to the FBI for finding that guy. Thank you. The FBI takes a lot of shit justifiably

for agent provocateur accusations at the Capitol's riot. But the fact they caught this fucking psycho, it shows you how necessary they are. The FBI is the FBI. They need to be there.

Like you can't say, let's disband the FBI. Jesus fucking Christ. Listen, but people think like that. It's the same as defund the police, defund this, defund the military,

like settle the fuck down. Yeah. It's like, you know, when you hear people go off, they're just regurgitating things they hear on social media. It's like, what do you think?

The American justice system is the best justice system in the world the fbi is the top the u.s military is the top of the top like what are we talking about here you know like it's not perfect no one's saying it's perfect yeah but the the defunding thing i don't just don't agree i see what the results are when it comes to police yeah it's It's not a good result. No, dude. And if they don't change course, this is bad. No, dude. I've been yelling refund. I yell refund the police. I love the police.

You need to be trained and it needs to be a position that's difficult to acquire that gets respected. Now, how you make that shift, but it's got to be like, you know, people are terrified of this concept of militarizing the police and rightly so you don't want tanks rolling down the street and Martial law and dictators who are essentially, you know, they used to be governors now They're dictators and they're controlling populations. No, they don't want that but you don't want untrained people in that role And you don't want people that don't have a real clear understanding of what to do in any scenario So they have to run drills the same way they do it in the military.

In the military, they're constantly training. If you're in a special operations group like my friends that have been the SEALs, they fucking constantly train for any scenario they're trying to do. Any breach, they're trying to get into a house. They train. That's a thing that police should be doing too all the time yeah jocko willink who was uh i know maybe of course the fucking he's the man i love that guy to death yeah but one of the things that he said is like

you have to train people in order for them to be able to respond in high pressure situations so you have to train them of all the possible scenarios and And by the way, you should be able to have some sort of physical confrontation. You cannot be completely unskilled physically and be a police officer and be 100% effective. No. When you see those people, when they get tackled and guys get on top of them, they don't know what to do. How do you not have any understanding of grappling and you're engaged in these physical altercations as people like? Andrew Yang said you should be at least a purple belt in jiu-jitsu. I agree with that which is a great concept Yeah, the purple belt is a very proficient level of jiu-jitsu. Yes

100% you should know how to defend yourself But you should also be like well funded and well trained that it should be a more prestigious position I think we put cops in the same category that we put like teachers sometimes right we need them we know we need them but we don't like really care and support them right and we only look at them when they do terrible things yeah I think too I think it's in Germany they have to go through two years of schooling and training to become a police officer I think it with NYPD I think it's only six months Germany Well, Germany went through some shit, I don't know if you know. Yeah, Germany- They had a hard time

with some bad policing. Yeah, yeah, Germany, they, as the kids say, came out the pocket. Germany. They went a little wild for a little- What can you- Could you imagine living in Germany now and know, wait a minute, what did we do? Yeah. Like, how long ago was that? Yeah. 80 years ago? Yeah. What the fuck? Dude, how about this? I'm from a place in New York, Ridgewood, Queens, right? It's like Queens, Brooklyn, but Ridgewood, right? Big time German neighborhood. When I grew up, like my mom's German, you know, hardcore German. When I grew up, it was the Germans were like fading away, but still somewhat there.

There was a German man who lived across the street from me, like 98 year old guy. So 1937, 1937 or 38, the Nazis sold out Madison Square Garden. Yes, I've seen that. The rally, right? The bakery that's still there in my neighborhood was the one that catered it for the Nazis. Because this is before, this is pre-Holocaust. Right, no one knew what the Nazis were going to be. This is just a political party.

Right. So then when I asked. Look at that. Yeah, the bakery in my neighborhood- What did they stand for then? Did what they stand for alter over time? Like were the Nazis always anti-Jew and about the Aryan race? No.

Or did that become that? No, it became that. It was just pro-Germany. It was we were ravaged by- Germany was ravaged World War I, high inflation. So all Hitler and the Nazi party did was say, we're going back pro German. This everything's coming through Germany, jobs coming through Germany, Germany, Germany, Germany. So people looked at that and saw patriotism and nationalism in the United States said, I fuck with that.

I support that. The Holocaust and all that came very quickly a couple of years later. But that was not the message. That's why people are so scared of nationalism. That's why people are so scared of powerful, charismatic leaders. Because that's a piece of history that's repeated over and over and over again. I mean, how many times in history has genocide been committed? If you told a 1935 German that, hey, in six years, you're going to be gassing and exterminating fellow German citizens that are Jewish, they would say, not possible. That's not going to happen. But then it did. Just like the same.

If you told someone in 1855, hey, six years from now, you're going to be a civil war. Brothers are going to be killed. They would say, no, no, that's not going to happen. And then, boom, it happens. Look at this. Yep. Madison Square Garden pro-American rally. Yep. And let me tell you something. So the Nazi was a pro-American rally? Pro-American rally catered by the bakery

in my neighborhood. So I know one thing for sure at this rally, they had excellent Linzer tarts. The Linzer tarts in that bakery, I mean, unbelievable. How weird. Yeah. Look at that. I mean, yeah. So that's the thing is like, you know, and I get it. Like today's society, like the kids, you know, they'll just get a five second clip on TikTok and think they know the history of the world. They're not reading the books. They're not doing the research. You know, I watch this stuff and it's, you know, no excuse for what the Germans did.

It was horrifying. Why are they beating this guy up? What's going on? He rushed the stage, I think. He rushed the stage? Yeah, he rushed the stage that said, you know, climate change is real. It's a big sign. So there's always been like Antifa characters.

There's always been protesters. Well, yeah, but like radical ones like this that did rush the stage. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's the thing, too. When you start to get into history, you realize like everything happens. It's just different characters. You know, it's different reasons why, but it's the same mindset, same personalities. It's interesting.

Look how thin everyone is. Yeah, yeah. There's my grandfather dancing in the back. I think those are kids. No, those are kids. They are kids. But look how thin the kids are. If you had a group of kids like that today,

what are the odds they're going to be thin? I know. Kids look so healthy back then. Like, look, all the people. If you look at all the people, like none of them are obese. No, none of them are obese. Which is, look at that.

The guy has no pants on. No, yeah, he's just fully If you look at all the people, like, none of them are obese. No, none of them are obese. Which is, look at that. The guy has no pants on. No. Yeah, he's just fully butt naked. They're screaming. Ah. Yeah. Well, probably mentally ill, too. And look, there's a picture.

There's mentally ill people. And you see they had George Washington in the back. Yeah. Wow. That was the background because they were honoring. The Germans and the Americans at that time believed, oh, you know, dude, I read a book called The Nazi Symbiosis that kind of said that the president, you know, Winston Churchill and FDR knew about the Holocaust stuff happening. They knew about it. You know, they had their intelligence, right?

Secret Service, whatever. And they knew about it. But the Holocaust in initial stages, horrific, can't't state that enough but was yielding medical results they were getting like what yeah they were like different i don't know the exact ones but there were different types of medications that we use today came out of the holocaust different types of lab results they were because they were just using them as guinea pigs human beings so it was yielding results and so they were allowing it to happen. It wasn't until Hitler crossed the line. I mean, he crossed the line from the beginning, but went, stopped yielding results and just started gassing everybody.

Did Churchill and everybody say, okay, now we got to go in. So nobody's innocent. You know what I mean? Nobody's innocent in the war. You know, like I just did a whole, I do a segment on, I do a YouTube thing called Christeries where I do a history thing. And I just did the rape of Nan King. Oh my God. I do know about that so i was getting so much shit on the internet from japanese people saying that what i

am spewing is disinformation and i'm like there's pictures in video there's pictures of japanese soldiers bayoneting chinese babies in front of their family so i'm not it's not disinformation it's just you have to accept history as it is like every group whoever has power will act in a certain way that's not right it's a human thing most groups do that and it's not just one thing like i feel like we live in a society now where it's like only one group of people were the bad guys throughout history it's like no no no everybody's been a bad guy at some point it's just who had power when well i think we're just aware of human nature now right a different way. You know, if you look at the work of like guys like Steven Pinker, they talk about like crime and history. Yeah.

And if you look at the trend, everything is going to a less violent, safer place to live with less crime. I agree. But our history is so filled with it. It's so filled with horrific actions in war. If you just go from the moment people started writing things down, they're writing down the history of war. They're writing down the history of conquest. They're writing down the history of raids. They're writing down.

It's like baked into people. Yeah. And if you give people, especially back then with no internet, right? No way. No way for other people to find out. Into people yeah, and if you give people especially back then with no internet right no way No way for other people to find out no way unless the the newspapers are reporting on it unless you have boots on the ground You have to have photographs you have to have video It's so hard for the truth to get out so they could do whatever the fuck they wanted if they had the guns Yeah, they pulled at the end people have it's almost like if you put us in that

scenario you put us in the scenario of war it's like a program that just gets activated in our minds and we can we can murder and other people very easily yeah there's programs that like one of the things you find out when you hunt all right the first time i ever went hunting i shot this deer i was like oh wow like this is like a a program in the brain that we're going to eat this now. Yeah. That you go after something and when you're successful, it's like it recognizes that there's this area of your mind that has always existed. Sure. There's an area of your mind that's always existed.

It just hasn't been activated by action. Right. And then once it hits there, it's like, oh, there's a historical precedent for this this this mindset Right there's a historical precedent for this vibe. This is the like hunter-gatherer vibe Yeah, like wow people get it when they catch a fish when you catch a fish. This is like feeling like whoa It's this exciting feeling yeah, and it's like you're you're tapping into some human reward mechanisms that have always existed Interesting. Yes. See I've never went I've never went hunting and I've never done anything like that tapping into some human reward mechanisms that have always existed interesting yeah see i've never went i've never went hunting and i've never done anything like that but i wonder if i start i

if i should because i want to get i got one spin on this planet i want to experience it all yeah you know i i kind of i've never done a drug in my life i don't think you should go to war because we're talking about that originally don't tap into that. That I can't do because I have a neck issue. But I start to think about, I want to do the ayahuasca. I want to do things safely. Would you ever think about microdosing heroin? I think you would have to do it

with someone like Dr. Carl Hart who actually knows what's real and what's not. You'd have to do it with someone like Dr. Carl Hart, who actually knows what's real and what's not. You'd have to test it. And you have to be really wary about the idea that you could possibly get addicted to it. I don't know why people get hooked on pain pills. But I can't imagine that I'm above that. I can't imagine that if I didn't get hurt and I started taking those things that they wouldn't get me. They get so many people.

I have so many friends that have had problems trying to get off those things after they have had surgery, been injured. I would worry. I would worry about that. I would worry.

I would worry. I'd like it too. Right. I'd worry. I'd like it because it doesn't seem like it sucks. Well, I think about that with, yeah, I've never been addicted

to pain pills or drugs, but I have been addicted to Nutella. I've been addicted to pizza. No, but I love that. But right. Because if you told me mild, if you told me, Chris, you can never have Nutella or pizza again because it's going to cost you your family. I'd be like, I don't know if I could do it.

I'm going to get mad. Well, I think painkillers and drugs is like that for certain people. So whatever you're addicted to, even if if it's positive they it's their brain chemistry is attached to it in the same way that you need to eat elk or whatever it may be well you know we're talking on a spectrum here because the nutella spectrum is like the the smallest measurement versus the heroin where you have bone aches and you're fucking shaking like a leaf and sweating because you need to get your fix right somewhere in the middle of that you know is is it but i think the addict you know is like uh i think it's just like it's every because we're just all different chemistry right like isn't it

wild like i don't your brain sees might even see the color red different than i see it's fucking nuts it's not like no you are having a totally different experience than me. Right. You know? You clearly see that when you see what people are really interested in. You know, like people that watch darts all day. Yeah. You know, there's things that people love that I just don't understand why you're interested

in that at all. But that's okay. Like, there's music that I'm not interested in. Yeah. And I used to think it sucked. Yeah. But now I realize, no, it doesn't suck. It's just like it's not what I like.

And me thinking that it sucks, unless it actually does suck. Unless, there's some things that just suck. Do you like the band The 1975? Have you ever heard of them? No, I haven't, but I have to pee so bad. Unfortunately, I've been drinking a lot of water lately. And I barely made it an hour in this one, right? All right.

One hour. So we should go pee? I'll piss and we'll come back. All right. I wear this, we up? I wear this fanny pack so often people think it's a joke. They think I'm joking. I'm like,

no, I literally forgot I had it on. Yeah. I was like, where's my fanny pack? Did I leave it in my truck? I'm like, oh,

it's right there. What, and what do you just, you just like it better than pockets of fanny pack? Yeah. You just unzip it, you zip it up. Nothing falls out of it.

So I got, I'm hosting a show, comes out March 7th on Vice, about 70s, 80s, and 90s, and we do a whole thing about fanny packs, because they were huge in the 80s and 90s. Yeah. Like retro stuff, and I'm happy that they're coming back. I never let it go, bitch. I like that.

There's photos of me in the 2000s, early 2000s, wearing fanny packs. Fanny pack. I'm like, fuck you. This is like super convenient. Just Joey fanny packs. The idea that like this is like super convenient just joey fanny packs the idea that like oh it looks stupid okay then i look stupid i don't care i like it why am i caring what kind of a bitch cares that he looks stupid because there's a thing that he likes yeah other people think looks dumb like i don't give a well that that's what i was i brought up you know

the 1975 but they're my favorite band like okay, okay, here's what happened. This band, a lot of girls like them and gay guys. Okay. But I love them. I love this band. They are the only, it's the only time music has helped. I was going through a bad breakup and the 1975 helped me through this breakup. And ever since then, I've just listened to them. They've spoke to me.

I love the 1975 like you cannot believe. Is there a song you recommend that we should try? Chocolate. I love Chocolate. I love their song Sex. I love Paris. I love Tonight I Wish I Was Your Boy. Let's go with Chocolate because it's an ongoing theme. Chocolate is the big one. Oh, because it's on

Spotify. So you can just play music here. Allegedly. We'll see what happens. What do you think of this? You've heard this before. I have? I don't know if You've heard this before. I have? I don't know if I've heard this before. Let it hit. Jamie, you've heard the 1975, right? Jamie knows. What do you think?

The song's about weed. Chocolate is weed. Oh, okay. Yeah. Cool haircut. That's Mattie Healy, the lead singer. Handsome looking fellow. Good looking kid. He kisses boys on stage, but he's not gay. Good for him. Seriously.

Not for everybody, but I love it. I like it. I like it. I'm sitting on my terry pot. I'm never going to quit it now. So this song specifically took me from a dark place. You were in a dark place. Genuinely, Joe, like I mean genuinely, like very, very, very, one of the toughest places I've been in my life.

That song specifically, I have no idea, no rhyme or reason why. I just heard it, and I said, this genuinely makes me feel better. And I got hooked. I got hooked on the band and I got, I love this band. They're the only band that I've ever paid money to see. I saw them at MSG. I was so excited. Like I went with my girlfriend, Jasmine, and she was like, you're like the only guy here. I was like, I don't give a shit. I fucking love this band. she was like you're like the only guy here i was like i don't give a shit i fucking love this band this is how much i love this band i found out that the lead singer saw i had the only comedy bit i've had that went viral is my chris di stefano 9-11 story he saw it he said not for me just not his comedy's not for me don't give a shit at all don't give a shit at all even though

i know the lead singer of the band doesn't think i'm funny at all i'm like i still fuck with this band good for you and i don't care and and my friends make fun of me all the time i'm like you know what i don't give a shit that band the 1975 makes me happier than any other piece of music i've ever listened to in my life and i'm not afraid to say it and you know what maybe i am gay maybe i am let that sit there for a little bit. There was a lot. There was a lot happening there. Maybe I am. You decided through that music that you needed a reason to pull yourself out of the dark. And that music was like the catalyst, right?

Yeah. So you were looking for something. Yeah. It could have been Barbra Streisand. It could have been anybody. It could have been the way we were. Two musicians have changed my life, have made me go from the dark to the light. It is the 1975 and it is Whitney Houston.

Those are the two. Whitney Houston's a wild story, man. Did you ever see the documentary about her? Did you see that? Didn't Joey Diaz used to sell her Coke? He's got a full story. Ricky Martin. Yeah.

Joey Diaz is a man I need to meet. After the Grammys. You've never met Joey Diaz? I've never once in my life met Joey Diaz. I know he lives in Jersey now. Doesn't want to do... I want to try... My friend Brian Morton,

good friends with Joey Diaz. I just want to go take Joey to lunch. I'm not looking to do content. I just want to get to meet Joey Diaz. Let's talk... We'll talk afterwards. Okay. Joey's going to be coming out here

when the club's opening up soon. And when Joey comes out here, we'll have him come out here too. Okay. I would love it. The two of you guys together. Because when I listen to him, I'm like, that sounds like my dad's friends. You know, that is my father and his friends sitting around a barbecue telling stories. They all love Joey Diaz.

He's the best. Yeah. It's an original human being. No, no. Original. Original. And so I don't know if that document by the way Whitney Houston I think personally one of the most beautiful women of all time to me the most beautiful women of all time Whitney Houston

Gwen Stefani and I'm not trying to be funny a young Barbara Walters That's a good list. Yep, if you're into Barbara Walters, I like that, but she yeah, she was stunningly beautiful But what's crazy is that like drugs took her down like someone that talented that talented isn't it eerie too she died drowning death in the bathtub then her daughter dies drowning death in the bathtub isn't that eerie it's horrible but i don't know if the documentary actually says that whitney houston was sexually molested by her aunt as a child which you don't ever really hear a female child being molested by another female child. And it was Dionne Warwick's sister was her aunt who molested her.

And that they believe Whitney Houston to struggle with her drug abuses because she was a lesbian. But but then the scientists say, well, was she a lesbian or was she molested at a young age by a woman? And then, you know, warped her sexual kind of part of her brain. And now she thinks she is but she's not very interesting but but i personally think that the the the best voice of all time and that another the 1975 i saw in an interview once said that they love they were inspired by whitney houston i said this is my fucking band dude this is my band and then even meet and greets i would do meet and greets after shows and i would just feel I couldn't articulate it but I would feel disgusting doing the meet and greets and I would

feel like I'm doing these meet and greets and I'm stealing these people's money and I hate the way I feel in my skin doing these meet and greets and I've agreed to them and I hate them and I was counting down the shows to when they were gone because I said I'm giving you my performance I'm proud of my comedy but to to make you, you know, charge you $25, take a picture with me. I feel disgusting. I would take the picture with you for free, but it was something that I wanted to try out and I regretted it. And then I saw an interview from Matty Healy of the 1975 talk about meet and greets. And I felt like he was talking directly to me. He said, and he articulated the way he articulated what I was feeling. He said,

here's the thing. If you're an artist and you're doing meet and greets, right? Whatever you want to do is fine, but here's, here's what it actually is. He said, instead of going through a third party or ticket master for the add on fee of the meet and greet, why don't you take the picture with the fan after the show and then ask them to give you $25 cash and see how that makes you feel. Cause that is exactly what you're doing. And I was bro you just said what I felt and I stopped the meet and greets immediately and I have profoundly less money and I do have to pay the loan back on this watch but I do feel better as a person yeah I've never did those you never did meet and greets I used to meet and greets for free yeah I would hang around and take pictures of people I would do it at the Chicago theater

where it was hours long lines I'd take photos with people. I would do it at the Chicago Theater where it was hours-long lines. I'd take photos with everybody. I did it. But it was a different thing. It was free. I would never do that. I get that people see it as an extra source of revenue, and I get that they see it as something that people are willing to pay

because they want to meet you and they want to take a photo with you. I get it all, and I'm not judging anyone. It's just it made me feel weird. No, it's one of the most shameful parts of the last of my career so far I didn't know any I didn't know but now you know I got out of it quick

and I hated myself for it people talk you into it too they'll talk you into it because it's money for them you know it's one of those things there's an industry around it and I'm not judging anybody who does it no me either. I can't think about stuff like that. But I felt like now, you know, I feel like the, you know, doing the show, having, you know, the fan, I believe there, I give them the best show I can. So that's hopefully worth the money for them.

But not doing the meet and greet, even though it's less money, I don't care. I'm so much happier. I've made a decision because I don't want to miss time in my daughter's lives. I just don't. I got't care. I'm so much happier. I've made a decision because I don't want to miss time in my daughter's lives. I just don't. I got my kids. I'm my stepson. I just don't want to be away from them. And I understand, well, that's going to come with sacrificing. You may not ever be the best comedian of all time or do arenas. All that's fine to me, not missing their jujitsu and getting to do homework with them is worth it for me at this point in my life. And so I'm okay with it.

I just think worry about being the best you can on stage when you're up there. That's what I do. You don't have to go out as much as some people do. They get crazy. And one of the beautiful things about living in New York City or one of the beautiful things about being in L.A. is you can always get on stage. Always. Every night. It's like there's a thing that some guys do where they, you know,

you'll go on tour for like a month. Yeah. You know, and I get it. It's a lot of money, and a lot of my friends do it. Yep. And it's great because it's like you just get it over with, you go crazy, and then you can relax and you made a ton of money. And then you also saw fans all

over the world I don't I can't do it I do weekends yeah yeah go out on the weekends and weekdays I work out in town and you're with your family I've always done it in LA I would go a couple weekends a month so as successful as you've been you you you feel like you were you were still there almost at every good moment for your kid you You didn't miss as much. I didn't miss nearly as much as I would have missed if I was doing the road all the time. I go out of my way to do little things that my kids do, events and hang with them. And we have family time.

We try to watch movies together and do stuff together and play together. You got to have fun together. And I think if you're gone for long stretches, I don't like being gone for three days. Like, three days fucks with my feelings. No, no, no. Three days is, like, it makes me uncomfortable. And I love, like, doing stuff. Like, I love going on vacations are some of my favorite times because then we're with each other 24-7.

It's beautiful. And we get to fuck around and go swimming and do cool shit and go fishing and have fun. You know, it's like you don't realize how quick it goes by, man. Right. It goes by so fast. Because I had Louis C.K. on my Chrissy Chaos podcast. I know you've had him a bunch of times. I know you guys are friends.

I was talking to Louis and I was talking about how my daughters and my stepson are young right now. You know, we've got 12, 7 and 1. They're kids. So I said, I don't want to go on the road so much right now because I want to be with them. And even though it's costing me money and my agent will be like, you got to add shows here. I'm like, no, I want to go home with my family. I want to be with my family. I know it's going to cost me money, but not everything in my life is money.

I want to spend time with my kids. I know it's going to cost me money, but not everything in my life is money. I want to spend time with my kids. And so I said, but I figure, you know, when they get older, you know, and they're going to not want to hang out with me, right? So I said, that's when I'll God willing go on the world tour or whatever. And he said, you have that all wrong, man. And I was like, what do you mean? He said, take it from me.

Louie's saying this. He's like, you know, I have daughters who are older in their 20s. He said, what happens is, is when they get older, yes, they want to go out and be with their friends and do that, and they don't need dad or mom as much as they did when they were your children's age. He said, but your time with them is actually so much more precious because they have less time to give you. So if you're on the world tour and they only had that hour a week to give you and you weren't home for it,

well, now you've missed the opportunity for that hour a week to give you and you weren't home for it well now you've missed the opportunity for that hour with your kids because they were willing to give you a time but you weren't there because you want so he said so the way you're thinking now believe it or not even if this means you won't you know uh uh get to the world's famous arena tour he was like you're doing the right thing he said louis said he was like you know i was on stage at the td louis was on stage at the td garden you know he's like doing this arena tour and amazing and all that and he was like i could tell you i just want to you should only go around that arena tour go around that top shelf one time he was like because you realize like that you can't live up there you got to to hit a cruising altitude. He was like, you got to be Chrissy Cruising Altitude.

You got to think, where am I going to live for the majority of my career? And he was like, that's where you want to be. Go up there. If you get an opportunity, go up there. Taste the air. There's not a lot of oxygen up there. Use the Mount Everest example. You don't have a lot of oxygen at the top.

You can't stay up there for long. But he said, if you get there, take the opportunity. But do it once. And then cruising altitude and have time with your family. He was like, you know, there's so many moments in my daughter's lives where I was making all this money and doing this, but I miss this or I miss that. And, you know, you have it in your mind right now. Like, I'm not going to miss things in my kids' lives. So, but it is hard because I'm like, man, I could, you know, be adding shows and making more money and be more successful. But I'm like, but I want to be in my kids' jujitsu. You know what I mean? You also don't want to lose your mind. Yeah, I don't. A lot of guys lose their minds. Yeah.

They, you know, they go too hard. They're out too long. They're gone too much. Well, how do you feel? I mean, you're like, you know, it's got to be pressure to be where you are. I mean, it would be amazing to get to a level like you, but you got, you know it's got to be pressure to be where you are i mean i i i i would be amazing to get to a level like you but you got you know you can do whatever you want to do wherever you go you can sell as many tickets as humanly possible and all that and you have all the opportunity in the world but do you ever feel like you know like does there ever feel like you wake up and you're like damn i don't want to be this joe rogan do you ever feel that way well there's nothing you can do about that right you just became who you became yeah i don't think about like what I can't control.

Right. Specifically. I concentrate on not doing that. Right. Then I just concentrate on what I can control. And when you're at time with your family, with your, you know, your family, you just say, I'm going to be with them when I'm with them and I'm going to give them 100% and then when I go on the road, it's for them kind of thing.

Do you think like that? No. When I'm going on the road i'm doing it because that's what i do for a living i mean obviously it benefits everybody right but it's like this is what i do this is what i do and if i can bring them with me that's great too right you know and you know they could find fun stuff to do uh if i'm uh on saturday in the evening when i'm doing my show i don't want my fucking kids to see my horrible acting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But other than that, man, it's like doing fun stuff together. It's like you bond these important memories.

When you get that iPhone photos of all the different fun times you've had together and it plays it with music for you. Yeah. It's not even just the ones on photos. They just spark up the ones in your brain. But it's not for everybody. I don't they just spark up the ones in your brain but it's you know it's not for everybody i don't think that you know i'm not one of those dads it's like everybody should be a dad but it was profoundly yeah good to me like the whole process it's been a long

like it changes how you are as a human yeah raising children and seeing them become adults and seeing them become these fascinating human beings it's it's wild well well that's what strikes me about you is because i obviously you know you know it's public you know financially very well and so successful but it doesn't feel like you're motivated by money it feels like i'd be like i bet you not that i know anything but i bet you joe rogan his kid you to Rogan's kids, they think he's a great dad. Because I'm like, oh, he's there. So I'm like, how do I get, you know, the financial success and also be there at the same time? But I'm hearing from you, maybe it's just, you know.

Well, you know, I would be a liar if I said that it happened instantaneously. You have to learn. No, it's a learning process. And I think once you have enough money, you have to realize that you have to learn now. It's a learning process and I think Once once you have enough money you have to realize you have enough money And I think a lot of people don't I think a lot of people once they they get a ton of money They want more and more and more like you know Jeff Bezos doesn't say I'm good You know like Bill Gates doesn't say I'm good. We're good. No good billions. That's right in party, right? But I think quality of life is the most important thing.

And I think if you're really thinking about the numbers more than you think about the other stuff, you're taking away bandwidth that your mind utilizes to get better at stuff. You're taking bandwidth that could be for hanging out with my wife or hanging out with my friends. I want to just be in the – it's so corny to say, but I want to be in the moment. I want to try to be in the moment as much as possible. So the things that I have to think about the least are like if you're making good money and you're doing well, you don't have to think about that anymore. So stop thinking about it. Just concentrate on the things that got you there and trust this process. Right.

Just do the best you can at podcast. Do the best you can at comedy. Do the best you can at the things you concentrate on. do the best you can at podcast, do the best you can at comedy, do the best you can at the things you concentrate on, do the best you can. That's all you can do. But that's the only thing that really achieves any real measurable success. Like if you're concentrating on wanting it to be this or wanting it to be that or want, it's like, I just don't think that's positive energy energy i don't think that's like well-used energy i think your energy should be spent doing the things you do that's why i could do so many different things because all the things that i do i enjoy doing

like there's no faking yeah yeah like it's not like you know you're not counting down the minutes like you'll do a three four hour podcast four days a week because you genuinely love doing this yes and that's the same for the UFC. Like I'm so looking forward to the UFC this weekend. Like I'm just going to get to hang out with Daniel Cormier and John Anik. There's six hours of fights. I fucking love it. It's not lost on you what your life's become.

Yes. Not at all. Which is beautiful. I am very, very, very, very, very thankful. And the way that I show my thanks is by like I think about it all the time, but also I work. But have you evolved to this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or you've always been this?

No, no, no, for sure. Yeah, I've definitely evolved. Okay. And, you know, having a family and having a bunch of people counting on you, it also gives you some extra motivation, extra discipline. It definitely does. But at a certain point in time, that doesn't become the motivation anymore when you're okay. So then the motivation becomes just do your best at whatever you're doing yeah that's my motivation my motivation is a hundred percent just try to do my best at whether it's hosting a podcast or

whether it's doing stand-up or whether it's doing commentary or just being a friend or being a husband or being a father or just being a good neighbor. I just try to do my best. Right. And I'm not always great at it. I stumble at every single thing in that group, whether it's comedy or UFC or whatever the fuck it is. It's complicated. Life is complicated. But I'm always just trying to do my best. Well, I think that's what you said before is being in the present.

I feel like you listen to Sadhguru, you listen to Marcus Aurelius, you listen to anybody. What they're all doing is just giving different examples to just stay in the present. That just feels like the Dalai Lama. All they're ever saying is if you're in the present, you're good. Yeah, if you can do that, you'll probably be better off. And it's not that easy to do. No, it's very difficult. It's pretty complicated because the things that we've talked about today, like the anxiety and the fact that, like, I think a really positive move for you is getting off social media.

Yeah. I recommend that to so many people. And it's not that there's bad people that you interact with. It's just people interact in a bad way in these things. And I would have done it, too. I'm not a hypocrite. If I was 15, 16 years old and I had a Twitter account, oh, my God, the mean shit that I would say to Chris DiStefano. I know.

Or to me. Or to fucking Bobby Lee or anybody. Right, right, right. It's natural. You know what I've noticed too with getting off social media just from now being at a pretty significant time, seven months, is what I've learned is one of my favorite quotes, Teddy Roosevelt, is comparison is the thief of joy. Right. I love that quote. Great quote. Great one. I love that. And what I realized is with being off social media, you know, I think the reason why I've been able to stick to this diet plan, exercise plan and keep myself relatively healthy is because I'm not compare. I'm not on social media scrolling, comparing myself to, you know, somebody who's jacked and ripped, you know, somebody who's, who's going above and beyond. And then, and then what happens is subconsciously,

I would be, you know, uh, five pounds into a weight loss program and see somebody being jacked and ripped and be like, well, I'm not doing what they're doing. So fuck it. Why? And then whatever, where now I don't compare my, the only, I only compare myself to me from yesterday. I live my life in one day increments because the biggest thing that I noticed about being off social media is not about comparing myself to others, which is very negative, is comparing myself to me. I would compare myself to me all the time, and that would make me depressed. I would look at myself from six months ago, some perfectly crafted picture that I forgot about and say, you look good back then, Chris. What the fuck were you doing then? And then you look at yourself in the mirror now and you say, I don't like this,

Chris, because you're comparing yourself to an unrealistic version of you, a perfectly crafted version of you. And I didn't realize that. And then the other big thing is people talk a lot about the negative comments that we see as, you know, whatever on social media. It was the positive comments that were throwing off my mental, my mental state to the positive comments were also putting me into an overdrive that was not helping me at all. So now I don't see anybody. The only person I ever see that says anything positively or negative, negative to me exists

in the real realm exists in the physical realm, not in the social media realm. And that has profoundly changed my brain chemistry. Dude, me and my girl, Jasmine, you know, we were having some rough times the last time I came in here. We were thinking maybe we're going to go back to co-parenting, whatever. We are as close as we've ever been in the last eight years because now I would also didn't even realize, like I would see, you know, innocently, subconsciously, a woman on social media that was a, you know, a fitness instructor and a medical doctor. And I would be like, start to subconsciously a woman on social media that was a you know a fitness instructor and a medical doctor and i would be like start to subconsciously well wouldn't my life be easier with her wouldn't it blah blah blah blah blah and then and then it would cause a fight subconsciously with jasmine

and blah blah blah blah blah and then i got off of that i didn't see anything at all ever except what i noticed was how beautiful a person j was, how lucky I was to have Jasmine. That's what I noticed being off social media because I blocked everything else out. And I said, what I have, my whole dream, everything I've dreamt of in life to have a beautiful woman, a beautiful partner, a beautiful mother of my children is right here.

She's not on Instagram in fucking Sweden. She's right here. And then I just noticed all those things that I my subconscious would cloud my mind with from the social media feed in the algorithm We're gone and I was like I see her for has beautifully perfect and imperfect She is as me and that's what I saw and I'm gay. That's amazing Yeah, have you seen the what what social media is doing to people is really profound Have you seen what what social media is doing to people is really profound because that kind of honesty that you just experienced that you just expressed rather that's that's very hard for people to to recognize in themselves sometimes. Yeah.

But I guarantee that's going on all over the world. Yeah. It's just it's influence. It does a thing to the mind. Yeah. That confuses the mind with real life. And it does it in this weird way. And now it's doing it with filters. Have you seen these new filters on TikTok?

Oh, my God, yeah. It's horrifying. Somebody sent me, oh, Bridget Phetasy sent me. Love Bridget Phetasy. I love her to death. It was her or it might have been Megan Murphy. One of them sent this thing. There's a new TikTok filter.

And it puts makeup on women. So you can be completely unmade up, and it'll be perfect makeup. And it used to be, like, if you had the filter on and you moved your hand in front of your mouth, that the lips would go over your hand. It would be cartoonish hilarious because it's so obvious that they're using these filters. Now it doesn't happen anymore. Now everything's seamless and the AI is better or the computer algorithm or whatever it is

that's doing this is better. And if you see it, it's wild. Do you know where it is? I can send it to you. You got it? Well, do you worry about... This woman is doing this and it's so crazy. Look at this. Play it a little bit so we could hear it you used to do that with an old filter and you would see the lashes on your hand like it would glitch but look how perfect this is

i'm wearing no makeup right now this is all a filter and it's just scary because there's a lot of girls out there that don't realize when someone's got a filter on and they're chasing perfection because that's what they think everybody looks like. And this is not what people look like. So this is very scary. I think

that lady, what she just showed is the future. You're not going to be able to tell at all. I mean, face swaps are going to be able to tell at all. I mean, face swaps are going to be indistinguishable. Yeah. Deep fakes. Deep fakes, indistinguishable. They've already done podcasts with me and Steve Jobs.

I never met Steve Jobs. I saw that. They put it into a computer and the computer will say anything you want it to. It sounded as real as can be. And now you can have his face moving to those words. You can have my face moving to those words. Is this a lady doing this as well? Again?

So that's what she really looks like. So she did both, which is good of her. Because that's what I was curious. Like, what is the difference? Yeah. But that's a difference it could be. They could do that with makeup. But as a parent, how do you... is it just staying in the present and saying,

I hope my children don't kind of fall victim to this? How do you reconcile that? They're in a new world. Okay. There's two schools of thought. There's a school of thought that you should keep your children away from social media. And there's a school of thought is everyone has social media. Everyone has social media.

You have it. the kids have it like maybe let them have experience in it and maybe they're going to be okay like we always want to think that while these kids are this new rock and roll music what do they got it's going to ruin childhood right and then we thought that in the 60s with drugs and we thought that it would throughout with disco people always think kids are gonna ruin their fucking lives this is the most profound change that human beings have ever experienced in terms of their access to information the way they get educated the way they're experiencing different things that are happening all over the world all at once it's a profound shift in human consciousness and these kids are gonna be so much more

advanced than us in terms of their ability to understand things okay it's a profound shift in human consciousness. And these kids are going to be so much more advanced than us in terms of their ability to understand things. Okay. It's a different road. But it's a different road like the road between people that invented agriculture and the road with people at hunter-gatherer tribes worrying about invading ones. Got it. Like it's new roads. And this is the new road. The new road is internet communication.

The new road is social media. The new road is interconnectedness. This bizarre interconnectedness that humans have to navigate now. But so what you're saying is the interconnectedness we're experiencing now at this level is the same level that somebody in the 1600s was experiencing interconnectedness because for the first time they left their village and got on a road and went to another village. Or the printing press. Yeah, I mean, there's been a bunch of these things that have happened and probably, look, I mean, my view of history is shaped

by the work of Graham Hancock and Randall Carlson and John Anthony West and all these people that have examined these ancient cultures. And I have a real strong feeling that they're right, and that there's a lot of evidence to support it about this Younger Dryas impact theory, and that human civilization, like, you know, Egypt and the pyramids and before that, had achieved this incredible level of sophistication in a way that we don't understand.

I think we're relearning how to navigate life. That's what I think is happening right now. Right. And I think it comes in these big waves. And I think it's one of the reasons why these waves, it's like we, when technology is at the place it's at now, where you have like chat GPT that's writing, like you could write a whole Chris DiStefano set Yeah, it could write a set like you know talk about your mom talk about you know

Yeah, the fucking homeless guy that beat a guy up when you gave him ice cream. They could write a whole routine for you Yeah, we're in a weird time. I know you can't just deny that it exists and protect your children from it I think you have to communicate with your children But I think your children also exist in this new world. And I think we can't, it's a difficult one to navigate. And I think one of the decisions that you've made is you've navigated and you've realized, hey, this is not good for me.

Like, I don't like this, so I'm going to get off of that. A lot of people make similar decisions when they stop drinking or when they stop gambling. They go, you know what? This is not good for me. I got to get off of that. But I feel like you have to let people make those decisions for themselves. And you have to give them the ability to say confidently that some people have navigated this water.

Some people figure out how to use it. Some people don't get involved in disputes online. And they don't get involved in all the negative aspects of it and reading all the positive stuff too which can also fuck with your head yeah because it throws your equilibrium off my you know my father you know was a gambling addict went through gamblers anonymous and it's coming out on the other side great but you know i went through a very tough part in a point in my life um where you know me and jasmine you know, my girlfriend, mother, my children, we broke up. We were co-parenting. She was dating someone else. It was all very hard for me. And I was like living this life where I was like, maybe it's better this way. And I'll go out and date all these women and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my father one day, you know, we're

hanging out. I didn't even think I was doing anything wrong. And he sees me and he's like, you know, could see I'm a little like disheveled and no drugs, no alcohol, not like that. And, uh, and he was like, uh, you could see I'm a little like disheveled and no drugs, no alcohol, not like that. And and he was like, you've got an addiction problem, Chris. I said, what are you talking about? He goes, I was a gambling addict. You look like you look like you've been gambling all night. But I think what you've been doing is chasing women all night. I think you've been either having sex with girls or you've been messaging women and you've been doing that.

He was like, just I'm your father. Am I right? I said, yeah. I mean, you know been talking to a couple of girls, but whatever. I'm single. She's with somebody else. I'm single. He was like, let me tell you something, Chrissy. He was like, here's what I know about gambling, and here's what I know about life, and here's what I know about what's going to happen to you. You can beat the house 99 times out of 100. You beat them clean, 99 out of 100. The one time the house wins, which is inevitably going to happen, negates the other 99. You're hooking up and you're meeting all these strangers, bringing all these strangers into

your life, 99 out of 100, great, no problem, all good. The one stranger that has it in her head that she needs to ruin your life for whatever reason has a baby says you did this says you did that is going to negate all the rest you need to limit your probability and stop bringing all these women into your life and you need to figure out how to go be with the mother your children because that is what is the most important thing that's fantastic fatherly advice if everybody had a father like that and he just most important thing that's fantastic fatherly advice if everybody had a father like that and he just laid it into that's such a great way of laying it down too yeah it's such a great way of laying it down it's the these patterns that human beings

fall into when it comes to addiction they're so fascinating they're so fascinating yeah i was never around gamblers until i was in my like early 20s and i was around these guys they would bet on poker yeah they would bet on fucking raindrops coming down off a windowsill yeah my father was a a pretty profound gambler ruined his marriage with my mother all that stuff and what my father said he would tell me he was like you know when i was growing up a teenager he was like do not gamble i don't want you to even know what a vig is i don't want you to know, do not gamble. I don't want you to even know what a VIG is. I don't want you to know what a point cover is. I don't want you to know what a spread is.

I don't want you to know that stuff. Because that's, he's like, I have it in my brain and I'm terrified I'd pass it to you. So still to this day, as a 38-year-old guy, you know, with all the draft kings and all that, I don't even know. If he said, what's the over under? I don't, it's a foreign language to me because my father was explicit. He was intentional. Do not do that. That's a very wise choice.

And I listened to him, and I don't have that gambling thing now. I do think I had that addict thing in my brain. I think he had it too. I think people have it. I think it makes them good at things. Well, yeah. That's what I think. I think it's a dangerous mindset.

It's like a thing in your mind. And it could lead to something like gambling or it could lead to something like getting addicted to being the best at guitar. I think it's real similar. So what his advice always to me, my whole childhood, he would always say two things. He said, if you're going to be an addict, make sure you're addicted to something positive.

So I hopefully with comedy. And then the second thing he would say always to me, he said, Chrissy, he would always call me Chrissy. He would always make me Chrissy. He would always like make me a girl. And he would say, you'll love life. You're going to love life when you finally understand that life isn't fair. When you know life isn't fair, you'll love life. And I took that.

And I feel like I did understand that in my 20s where like, you know, in the movies, the villain always gets caught and that's not real life. So when somebody gets something that, you know, personally isn't a good person or the media is saying, you know, this person just keeps rising through the ranks because I understand life isn't fair. And that was instilled in me through my father, you know, and I think that my dad having this kind of life, like he would always say to me, you know, it's something dark he would always say to me. He would say, Chris, you know, he would say, what do you want to be in life? And I would say, you know, as a kid, I want to be a doctor.

I want to be an astronaut. You know, I want to be in the NBA. All the things children would say. He'd say, oh, that's great. He said, here's what I want you to be in life. I want you to be the exact opposite of me. I want you to not be me and then you'll be okay. Holy shit.

So you see what dad does. You see how dad lives. Be the opposite of me and you'll be a-okay. That's what I want you to strive for. And as a kid, I would laugh at that, whatever. But now I see, because he was like, I gambled. I lost your mother. I lost all these things in my life,

and I don't want you to have that. And even like with this Radio City stuff, because it is like, it's almost like emotional, Radio City, for a New York guy, and sold all these tickets so quick, and then- Wearing sunglasses. Yeah, wearing sunglasses, I got the watch on, I've fucking hided my homosexuality.

It's all these things. And then my agent now recently, a couple of days ago, was like, oh, maybe we'll put a second show on sale. Maybe we'll do the Hulu Theater. Maybe we'll do a second at Radio City. You're selling quick, baby. And I'm like, okay. And then I'm talking to my dad. And I'm like, oh, the agent said maybe we'll put a second show on sale.

He said, why do you want to do that? I was like, you know, he said it's selling quick. And I was like, and he was like, yeah, but the goal was one. The goal was you sold out one, right? And the goal was you're going to spend time with your family, me as your father, your daughters. We'll be done by nine o'clock. We'll go have dinner. It'll be beautiful. It'll just be us celebrating Radio City. He was like, why do you want to add more pressure to yourself? I was like, oh, I don't know. I thought maybe, you know, the money, the agent said this, the agent said that.

He said, you're losing the whole point of this. He said, the simple fact you put Radio City on sale was the win. That was the win. He goes, you're doing what I would do. You're doubling up. You're double or nothing, double or nothing, double or nothing.

Stop it. He said, do one. I was like, yeah, but dad, if I can sell out a second show, then maybe the Madison Square Garden people see me. And then I hit my real goal, MSG. He goes, MSG will happen when it happens. Stop doubling up.

Stop doubling or nothing. That's what got me in the worst shape of my life. Your dad's right. Yeah. He was like, get one and move on. Get one. Get one. And I was like, wow.

Well, it's just fascinating that he sees those patterns in you. Right. Like it is like a genetic propensity for gambling or a psychology thing. But also, it's like growing up with him. I'm sure, like, it transferred to you. Whether he recognized it or not, you're probably aware of his gambling. Well, when me and- Dude, I got to piss again.

I'm so sorry. I drank so much water. It's so frustrating. This is like an hour and a half in. It's like two peas- No, it's two hours at this point. Two peas in an hour and a half. It's close to two. It's like 145. I'll piss. It's so frustrating. Go piss. This is like an hour and a half in. It's like two peas in an hour and a half. It's close to two. It's like 145. I'll piss too.

And we're back. Hello. Feel good, dude. By the way, let me tell you something. If people want to know, I mean, Joe Rogan has a at least 60 second long piss, healthy prostate. Thank you. You don't have BPH. I doubt you have benign,

I doubt you have the prostate hyperplasia. I don't think you have BPH. I think there's no way that that prostate is healthy. You're drinking pomegranate juice or I don't know what it is, but you got a healthy prostate and a very, very strong flow. Guys judge guys on flows. If you're next to a dude and he's trickling,

you're like, what's going on over there, man? Like Tony Hinchcliffe's working out, I don't think he has as strong a flow as you. Even though he's looking jacked. You never know. He might be one of those silent, heavy hog dudes. Here's what I know about Tony Hinchcliffe. He's just got that face, jack looking good.

He would be, if he had power in medieval times, he'd be a nightmare. Nightmare. Beheading people. 100%. Taking their organs out, eating their small intestine as a sausage and peppers. 100%. Tony Hinchcliffe, nightmare in medieval times.

But thank God we got him here in Austin. We got him subdued. He can't hurt anybody. If I was a prince and I had a brother who was also a prince who was just like murdering people, and I was trying to stop him. Yeah. He would look exactly like Tony. Tony Hinchcliffe. I mean, look at that.

Tell me that is not medieval bloodthirsty prince face. I mean. Oh, that's Joffrey's cousin. That's Joffrey's cousin. Yeah. Tony. He's from the kingdom to the north. Yeah.

Oh, my God. A hundred percent. Dude, Tony. Yeah. He would hurt you. He would from the kingdom to the north. Yeah. Oh, my God. A hundred percent. Dude, Tony. Yeah, he would hurt you. He would hurt you in a bad way. Tony would be the greatest joker of all time. Yes. He'd be right up there with Heath Ledger.

Yeah. Just let him be himself. Dude, Tony. Just a sinister face. Love fucking Tony. How many jokers have there been? There have been so many jokers. You know, I won't even say that Heath Ledger's the best because I think Joaquin Phoenix is the best.

He's the creepiest. He's the most profound. The one that I buy the most is the Joaquin Phoenix Joker. Jack Nicholson one was fun. There was a lot of fun ones. But the Joaquin Phoenix one was like, holy shit. Timmy D had an opportunity to work with Joaquin in a movie. And he was saying, Joaquin, not only is he a great guy,

but he said the acting is so amazing that it's almost like throws you off because you're like, this guy is like born to do this. And they said he stays in character the whole time, which is tough, right? Like I'm not an actor by trade, but I'm like, I don't know if I could stay in the character the whole time but these guys do it yeah that's a thing that like the actors are split on that I guess I mean obviously I'm not an actor but in that camp there's like people that think that's the dude from succession who's the old guy Brian Cox amazing yeah he doesn't like the fact that the other gentleman, what's his name, Jeremy...

Irons, right? No. Kendall? Jeremy Strong. Kendall from Succession, right? He's really good. That guy's a phenomenal actor. Give him his propers.

Jeremy Strong. Jeremy Strong, sorry. He's very method, I guess, and Brian Cox gets upset at it. He's not that guy. Fuck is this whole shit? He's one of those guys. Well, I saw that act, like Brian Cox, upset at it like he's not that guy because his whole shit you know he's one of those guys well I saw that act like Brian Cox I saw an interview with him he said the reason why he's so good at playing Logan Roy is because he in real life hates the idea of that

guy he hates the one percent corporate so-and-so douchebag he hates that guy so he plays that guy at a different level and I wonder if there's because well you when you I mean I know you did the sitcom acting and news radio, but did you ever do any like dramatic acting? You always did comedy acting. Yeah, I did. I mean, I did a couple of Kevin James movies. I really didn't do that much.

I mean, I really enjoyed doing the sitcoms, but it was so, it's kind of similar to stand-up, right? Because you're trying to hit a punchline. You're trying to get a laugh. Right. You're having it, but it's interactive.

Right. And if you're doing it with talented people, like i fortunately was with news radio yeah it's a lot of fun yeah but it's not as fun as stand-up it's just stand-up stand-up is the best and stand-up is the art form i think that is the separator the equalizer where it's like you know you can definitely sell a lot of tickets if you go big on tiktok and you go but you can do it one time around if they see you the one show and then you come back and you're doing the same horse shit or whatever, like, and there's no shortcut with standup. It takes time. Like I'm 13 years in now and I feel like I'm finally just about maybe finding my voice in the way that I'm like, like Colin Quinn is

my mentor, 35 years. He started comedy in 1984. Oh, 38 years. I'm sorry. I was born in 1984. And he says, man, it's going to take 15, maybe 20 years for you to find your voice. But that's all part of it. It's all part of this journey. It's all part of, you know, he's always preaching to me, like, stay in the moment. Write down the little tidbits of a bit.

And don't worry. And, you know, he talks about, like, he was the one who told me he's like you know the algorithm right he was like you kids are so obsessed with the algorithm he calls me a kid i'm 38 but so he is he's like he's like you're obsessed with the algorithm he goes i've seen the algorithm 30 times in 30 years he goes there's always something there first it was the sitcom then it was the reality show then it was clips there's always something that you guys are that the young generation is chasing he goes all i want you to do is get a clean solid hour of material and that's all i want you to focus on and that's what i try to do that's solid advice that's what i try to do because he's like there's always a distraction yeah don't worry about that on the process he told me he's also

like what do you enjoy you enjoy comedy right yeah that's why we all got into it yeah we enjoy it the adrenaline rush that i got from playing basketball division three but still i played and then i transferred that adrenaline rush to physical therapy i was a physical therapist and i love that now i've transferred that adrenaline rush to comedy so that's all it is for me is like i love doing it because i feel like it's cathartic. I'm getting my point of view out. Whether you like it or not, I'm getting it out. It's cathartic. And that's what matters at the end of the day.

And that's why my dad's advice, I think, is profound when he's like, hey, with the Radio City shit, he's like, the goal was just putting one on sale. This is a byproduct of what you've set out to do. So don't worry about the money. He was like, the money always came second. Oprah said that once. I remember I had mononucleosis and my mom had gout when I was in eighth grade. And I heard Oprah say, we're watching the Oprah Winfrey show. And Oprah said, the money always comes second.

In passion, the money always comes second. And that's always been in my head. Like, you'll get the money. Like, even if I, you know, I just did a whole, you know, did three theaters in a row before coming here. I haven't gotten one check yet from either one of them. I'm like, the money will come. I'll remember in a month from now if I haven't gotten paid yet. The money will come.

I did it because I loved it. I loved performing and making fun of Fresno and kind of shitting on San Jose and getting involved in the Sacramento politics. I loved it. I felt like I was playing D3 ball again. That's how you feel. And so I don't worry about the money. I mean, I need the money because I need another watch. But I do feel like the money with comedy has been... I love doing physical therapy. I was a pediatric physical therapist. I was making $53, get a kid from a wheelchair who couldn't walk to, not that I'm, you know, fucking miracle worker here.

He's not going to dunk a basketball. But the fact that he could stand up out of his wheelchair and get his leg up or her leg up to take one step and watch the parents, you know, be so, it's so gratifying. And you have the gratuity towards it where I was like, and I kind of transfer that a bit into comedy where it's like, I just, I'm happy to, if one person says, Hey, you, you made my day better. Great. Even if it was 99% of people being like, you suck. Fuck you. I don't care. Well, it makes, when I watch someone kill, it makes my day better.

You know, uh, we were, we did the Creek or rather the, um, uh, Vulcan last week with, um, Shane and Ari and Norman and Tony. Yeah. The, the, the protective parks guys. It was so much fun. It's like just watching those guys kill. It's so enjoyable. It's such a fun thing to do.

Right. All these years of doing stand-up, I still love watching people kill. It's so much fun. It's great. It's so much fun. I got to take one of those guys out to get in Protect the Parks. I go for Shane. Take one of them out so you can get in? parks i go for shane a lot of people one of them

out so you can get in yeah you can't just get in like that i gotta take people out i got it in but what if i had a fucking what if i like that's not really how it works it would be a different thing protect our parks is us you got to come up with another thing what about um what about protect our rivers what if i did the aqua version of it how about protect our egos yeah protect our egos now dude shane shane mark and by the way ari shafir mark mark i started you know with shane is goes without saying how great he is but ari ari is one of those ari is one of those guys in my comedy generation who's a a bit older who is like um you know know, as much as Colin Quinn is my elder and Ari is too. Ari, dude, Ari, because Ari's lived that life, that comic life where he eats, sleeps and breathes

comedy. He's got advice for every situation. You could come to a situation with Ari and he's been through it. He's lived it and he's come out the other side and he's got so much positive advice because Ari is a guy that I find when I'm really struggling. And he would admit, he would tell you, there's been multiple times in my life over the past year where I've struggled a little bit about, you know, I had a tweet that got out of TikTok. I'm sorry that I was getting attacked for by the Mexican community. I had this happen to me. And Ari is just a guy who talks to you about what he kind of his advice is always the same. He's always like, dude, just let it happen to you.

Think time, time heals all wounds. Let it happen to you. Stay in the moment. You'll be fine. Ari is one of those guys who like I lean on at times to text him when I'm going through some shit. And Ari always has at least sound advice to help me get through on the other side. He's very smart. Very, very smart.

He's, and also, he's also experienced like redemption with this jew special yeah his jew special is so good that special is so fucking tight and so solid and he crafted it for so long it was like his best work to me the two best specials no disrespect to any other comic but the two best specials to me that i looked at of the last year and i was like those two specials are the shit and that's what i to strive for if I want to try to keep up. What's the other one? Jew by Ari Shaffir and Blocks by Neil Brennan. Oh, I haven't seen Blocks.

Blocks by Neil, because they're thematic. It's not just going up there and doing 60 minutes of material, which I think is fine. But I think in today's world, you got to give an audience member a reason to stay around to the 60th minute. And because of this ADHD society we live in. And I think Ari Shaffir and Neil Brennan did, in my opinion, the best job of that all year. Where I said, I got to watch this to the end. Because I got to. I'm learning about.

I'm learning and laughing. And then Neil Brennan, I got to stay to the end. Because he's giving me this, you know, kind of mental health advice that's like so profound in a funny way yeah Neil is a very smart dude like kind of creepy smart sometimes yes but he's he's also like real honest about all the weird mental

struggles that he's gone through and all the different things yeah and psychedelic drugs apparently had a very profound effect on him he talks about that and he talked about he did that like that brain scramble thing. Well, they used some sort of magnetism. They use it with people, and it kind of rewires your brain. He did a lot of things.

He did ketamine therapy, which is wild. He told me that was, he goes, I thought it was going to be really mild. He goes, it was a full-blown trip, like trip and balls in a hospital somewhere or a clinic. If you get an opportunity after you watch Blackbird on Apple TV, watch. I will. Watch Neil Brennan's Blocks because it's just got a theme. And I'm not saying like, you know. Is this the Chrissy list?

This is the Chrissy list. Chrissy list of cool shit that I got to watch. Dude, the Chrissy list of cool shit. You got to watch Blackburn on Apple TV. You got to watch Neil Brennan Blocks. You got to watch Super Maximum Retro Show on Vice TV. You got to watch Hitler's The Dictator's Playbook. I don't know if you've seen that.

No. Dictator's Playbook. What's that on? Netflix. Oh, man. It basically takes six dictators. This is what's interesting about Netflix, even though shout out. My special was on there.

Shout out Netflix. Shout out to Netflix. You got to. It's interesting how they will shit on Dave Chappelle. Easiest one. Dave Chappelle and blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, transphobic material, blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But in the same breath, put out a show called The Dictators Playbook, where they basically take Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong-un, all these dictators in history, all these dictators, and they basically show you, Mussolini, how they did it. So I'm like, you're shitting on a transphobic material that you are assuming, and then you're showing us how to be a dictator. What the fuck? What side are you on here? I don't understand. Is that so history doesn't repeat itself?

So people recognize the patterns? They were making it cool. They were making Saddam Hussein look like he's fucking awesome. Just they do with ted bundy and jeffrey dahmer they're making this thing look fuck why do you think i bought the glasses i saw the fucking dahmer shit on netflix i was like that guy looks fucking sexy and cool that's what i want i want to i want to eat a guy do you think those things actually encourage people i do i personally i don't think it encourages people i think it makes it feel like this thing is okay. I think it, I think it takes away the pain of the victim because when they made, I mean,

they played the cool fucking 80s music, you know, the actor who played Jeffrey Dahmer, unbelievable actor, you know, they made him look dope. They made, you know, every time he's murdering someone, they're playing a, they got a dope soundtrack of a new band. It makes it look like, oh, me or you maybe or Jamie, we would be like, oh, we could understand the pain of the victim. But some person out there in the middle of the country, they look at that and they're like, that's pretty cool. Maybe I can have a documentary about me. People don't like that.

I don't like that. about me people don't like that i don't like that i i just don't like the um i don't like the kind of fakeness of like you're going to attack one side but then do something that's maybe even worse like you know in america we got a bit of a puritanical society right like we don't say shit or fuck on on a network television right oh no you can't say that but we'll show an ak-47 if somebody getting shot up we're in italy yeah they'll say fuck shit whatever but you will never see gun very rarely see gun violence on basic television i watched basic television once i was watching one of those csi shows and i couldn't believe how gory they are very bad so my thing is like violence is okay it's puritanical but isn't that crazy that violence is

okay but the word fuck is not okay? Like you could show a dead body with a bullet hole in it. In its head. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It's very strange. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense at all.

What do you think, what's the cause of it? Is it something that we agreed to at an early stage of society and we just hold on to it as being like some sort of a measure of civility? don't say fuck don't say shit don't say cunt don't don't say horrible words on television but you can show literal dead bodies you can show people people's lives being ended right i think personally you know the the term i used before puritanical i think it's from the i genuinely think it's a kind of great great great great great grandfather of the Puritans who would say, you are not following in the footsteps of God in our definition of it, so we are going to burn you at the stake in front of the village. Right? I mean, that's what they were doing with the Salem witch trials. They were saying, you're not following in the footsteps of God.

We are Christians, so we're going to burn your flesh in front of children. But we're Christians. You're not. So we get to burn you. So that's what I think is happening in a different way today. Not as on the nose as what it was in the Salem witch trials, but it is happening. Do you know the story of the Salem witch trials? Do you know what actually happened?

Well, I think that there was some now scientists today think there was a possible root being grown that was giving people psychedelic kind of mental health issues. It's a fungus. It's a fungus. It was because of a late frost. They had a late frost. But is that proven, proven, proven? No, I don't think so.

I think it's just supposed and it makes sense to people. Sure, I'll take another blast at that. I think they think it makes sense to people because of the way people were behaving was so crazy. Right. And they think it's probably a combination of a bunch of things like people are I think predisposed to hysteria in certain situations in like case it famine war disease But there's also this thing with ergot which is a real thing They know that this stuff does grow and they have found evidence of ergot from that time period. I think they're pretty sure that it would have been on the wheat.

How much evidence do they have? We should probably find out. How much evidence do they have that ergot played a role in the Salem witch trials? I think that they think it's pretty profound. Yeah, it happened to a town in France too there's a town in France that they they had ergot poisoning I think people died as well did you see the uh trains arraignment in Ohio the the people there are saying that they're sounding like Mickey Mouse now from Disney World they have like high-pitched voices oh Jesus Christ yeah Google

well whatever you want but trains around in Ohio Mickey Mouse voice it's like a it's like a big thing oh my god but I horrible but I think that that something like that uh trains arraignment whatever you want, but train derailment Ohio. Mickey Mouse voice, it's like a big thing. Oh my God, that's horrible. But I think that something like that, train derailment bullshit thing. What's going on? Let's hear this. Yeah, East Palestine. You quickly learn that you don't have a voice in this. They don't care. They're going to hush it up.

They're going to push it through. The mayor of East Palestine yesterday at the Trump circus that came to town. And I'm a Trump voter, right? I live in East Palestine. We didn't need that right now. But the mayor at this press conference says, hey, media, go away. We don't need you anymore. That's the last thing we need.

We need this. I mean, I wrote an open letter to the mayor telling him how to take care of this situation because he's been non-existent. I know he gets a lot of positive. I don't know if that video has the example. Yeah, I was going to say he doesn't sound like he's inhaled helium. But there's a big thing going on in that part of East Palestine, Ohio, that they're saying that they have these high-pitched Mickey Mouse sounding Disney voices from these train derailments. And they're saying that, you know, there's been a few of them that have derailed and released these chemicals into the air.

And now that they just yesterday, they said that COVID was leaked from a lab. The Pentagon has admitted it. Go back to that, Jamie. Go back. There was an explanation of the Mickey Mouse voice. Sore throat. Go back to that article you just said. Yeah.

Scroll down a little bit. There was actually an explanation. Someone was saying that their voice had to sound like Mickey Mouse. Here it is. Here it is. Doctors say I can definitely have the chemicals in me, but there's no one in town that can run the toxicological test to find out which ones they are. Love it 40, an auto detailer said in an extremely high-pitched voice. He said, my voice sounds like Mickey Mouse.

My normal voice is low. It's hard to breathe, especially at night. My chest hurts so much at night i feel like i'm drowning i cough up phlegm a lot i lost my job because the doctor won't release me to go to work wow dude that's crazy that's like chernobyl type shit like not as profound but that it's like and the media won't report on that they'll they'll talk about megan markle It's wild to me. They're starting to do independent tests. Like people are coming by and doing.

I was watching a video of this guy there. I don't know what kind of a chemist he was, but he was explaining that they were going into these creeks and you could see all this oily residue on the top of the creeks. And he suspected this was this vinyl chloride stuff that had leaked into the water that it was like in the air and whatever The residue of it was in this water And so he's explained I sound like Mickey Mouse. Yep. Wow. He's got a deep, thrashy voice normally. Other than that, I just go and get tested and get checked out.

What are they telling you? Look at the Donald Trump shirt. I most definitely have the chemicals in me. Oh, Jesus Christ. But he has to find a toxologist. You believe that? I don't know. Who knows, right?

If someone was trolling, imagine being that guy and faking this. That doesn't make sense. Yeah. But if that is the case, and there's more than one person that's having that happen to them, and it's just happened recently, what's the long-term effects on these people to live near this stuff? Right. Is it a short-term thing?

Is it a long-term thing? Is it just because of the initial fire? Or is that like a poison waste ground now? that that's what i don't know that's what people don't know at all i don't know but that's why they're trying to blame it on deregulation too but what i read was that that that was incorrect because the deregulation didn't actually get applied and that the railroad that these chemicals were traveling on was not for these kind of hazardous materials. And so they weren't supposed to be doing it anyway.

And what happened was one of the bearings of one of the wheels apparently fucked up. Got it. So it had nothing to do with any of those things. But then they say that, again, I don't know, of one of the wheels apparently fucked up. Got it. So it had nothing to do with any of those things. But then they say that, again, I don't know, but then they say that there's multiple other train derailments with chemicals and multiple other chemical facilities in Florida and this state. So it just feels like I don't know what's happening.

Well, we don't know about this stuff until something like this happens. This is happening probably all the time. There's probably constantly transporting hazardous waste across the country all the time well see that's what i thought because like you know my boys on my group chat i'd be like this is a conspiracy they're trying to distract us because so-and-so is happening i'm like maybe or is it that now that this is a hot story the media is reporting on every train derailment that happens more that's been happening all this time but we don't report on it but now they is reporting on every train derailment that happens more that's been happening all this time, but we don't report on it But now they're reporting on it. So we think it's a bigger problem than it actually is right that could be it

That's what I think about you know be it because as soon as you do concentrate on these things Then you start looking for patterns right and there's been a bunch of them. Okay. Look at this a Thousand derailments occur each year. There you now it's the new climate change it's a new thing to freak out about the derailments there's a thousand this year there you go as high as 1800 oh my god that's like three days a day there were 1049 such instances in 2022 out of roughly 535 million miles traveled. Wow. But it's just when it happens with fucking toxic chemicals and they have to light them on fire. Right.

So this chemist was saying that he didn't think that it was the wise idea to light them on fire, but I don't know what the options were. Dude, I got to be honest. I just took my glasses off. I'm seeing three of you. Oh, my God. How strong are those glasses?

I'm drunk. I'm high. Well, I've been lying to people and telling them they're prescription. They're not prescription. What are they then? They're just, i just i've made a choice to try to be cool okay but i've been telling lying to people all around the country saying their prescription that i i legally need to wear these but i don't i just tried to take it i i made a bold choice

and uh right here on this podcast i maybe because i'm high maybe because i'm drunk but i'm i'm i'm saying to you in real time that I'm regretting who I am. I'm taking the glasses off. Don't take the watch off. I'm not giving it up. I'm putting it here. This is not who I want to be. Wow.

In real time. In real time. I'm not who I want to be. And Jasmine, I love you, mother of my children, but I'm not 100% not gay. I just won't. I won't. I can't commit to that. What's the number, you think?

I would say I'm 75% straight. That's all you need in this life. Get by. It's a nice edge. Joe, I'm telling you, here's the thing. Here's the thing, Joe. I'm going to be honest with you. You want to take me out after this.

You want to take me to the club. you want to take me to the club, you want to take me to a dinner, you know, if you're drunk or whatever, and you say, you know what, Chris, I'm fucking, I'm feeling it too, I want to kiss you on the lips, I'd kiss you on the lips. That's all I'm saying. That's very nice of you. I'm not saying you want to do that, but what I'm saying is, Jamie, and the same applies to you, you want to fucking get kissed on the lips, I'll kiss you on the lips.

If you'd like me to leave the room for you to discuss this with Jamie, but I'm not really interested. I don't think Jamie's gay, but I don't think Jamie's not gay is what I'll tell you. I don't think you're gay, but I don't think Jamie's not gay. I think Jamie is comfortable with who he is right now. Right now. But I think Jamie, if given a nudge, can be persuaded to have some experiences that he didn't understand that he wanted to have.

That's what I'll say. Am I wrong about that, Jamie? What kind of nudge are you talking about? Yeah, what's a nudge? I'm talking about a hip thrust. No. Right, Jamie? Are you single, Jamie? Yes. Right. Now, how long do you go? How long do you go?

Until you become a girl? Well, not to become a girl, but to say, you know what? Have you seen? How long do you go? Until you become a girl. Well, not to become a girl, but to say, you know what? Have you seen that? Guys are doing that? What are they doing? These incels that are turning trans. No. You haven't seen this?

Have you seen this, Jamie? No. Yeah, it's like there's literally a term for it. It's men who have decided. I mean, I'm sure it's a small number, but it's enough. Transmaxing? Yeah, enough that it's crazy that people would even consider this. If you're just a heterosexual man, you decide that the only way to get sexual affection is to become a woman. It doesn't even make any sense.

But a lot of things that people do don't make sense. But it also could be a troll. Well, I think an 18-year-old... This could be a troll, too. Trans maxers. Online manifesto promises, since females have the upper hand on the dating market, transitioning from male to female

will usually improve your options when it comes to getting sex. I feel trolled. Trolled. That's a troll. I feel like... What was that in? What article?

National Review. See, here's the troll. I feel like, what was that in? What article? National Review. See, here's the thing. If you were a funny guy and you wanted to get something published in National Review, that's what I would... Listen, that is subtle shit. That is subtle parody. It's really quite brilliant. It's brilliant. And you have a name for it, trans-maxing?

Trans-maxing. It's just like, if there's one thing that no one has sympathy for it's guys who can't get laid fuck you figure it out no one cares who's that twitter

with the blonde hair and the glasses Titiana oh Titania McGrath yeah she would do something like that 100% yeah yeah yeah

100% she's great but I do think but don't you think like an 18 year old 19 year old boy growing up today there's not a today, the line between homosexuality and heterosexuality is blurred. It's not as blurred as with URI, but it's a bit more blurred with them.

Don't you think that? I think it's very possible that what we see when we see aliens with their genderless bodies and their big heads. I think that's us. I think that's us in the future. And I think that we are all moving in this weird direction where we're questioning gender and we're coming up with new ideas about gender. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing and I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm saying it's a thing. It's a bad thing and I'm not saying it's a good thing right. I'm saying it's a thing and if I thought about

the increased use of technology and the incorporation of it into the human body which seems to be inevitable and then eventually the You won't have any use for muscles You won't have any use for if they can reproduce people with technology Which is not outside the realm of, you know, if science projects, like if you go from here in 2023 to a thousand, 2000 years from now, of course, they're going to be able to come up with some artificial way to create human beings. Right. That could be what it looks like. And that could be where we're going.

It could be like this weird nature pull towards that direction. Right. And that the further we get from the things that we were talking about earlier, the horrific nature of being a hunter-gatherer to agriculture to modern technological innovations to the future. Right. Our T levels are dropping. Fertility rates are dropping. Women are having more miscarriages. There's plastics in our bodies because of

this society that we live in the way things are created there's all these factors that are happening that are leaning us into this one weird direction and that direction seems to be like almost no gender almost like people just becoming some new kind of thing and reproducing in some other way if we get to a point where literally we are in danger of extinction because human and people say that's crazy, but there's really intelligent people far smarter than me that actually believe this is possible. Population collapse. They really do believe it's possible. If that happens, if it's happening, we'll be able to stop it before it's too late. And if it is happening and it's inevitable and there's nothing we can do to reverse it and there's no drugs that we find

that can fix it, do you think that people would allow the use of some artificial form of recreation or replication of human beings in order to keep the population alive? I think yes. Yeah. I think if we got to a point where the only way we can keep the human population alive is if we all agree to cloning, we're going to fucking do it. We're going to splice genes up. They're going to figure out ways to do it. Because the other is horrific. The other option is we die off.

That sounds so stupid. I get it. Because we're living in a time where people can have sex and birth have and you know birth control and abortion rights are a big issue but if we fucking keep going with whatever direction human beings are on right now we're going to get to some unrecognizable place where we don't have genitals we don't have emotions we don't we're going to be some new kind of thing and i think that's what's probably happening whether we like it or not yeah i agree babe let me tell you babe babe really me yeah why first time you don't think you're a babe first time you ever called me babe do you are am i okay down on our friendship calendar cannot writing down joe rogan 228 babe babe let me tell you something please do

you know like what you just said, profound, 100% on board, on board the whole way. History, again, we were talking about history, you know, the Daily Stoic, a.k.a. the Idaho murderer, will tell you that he'll agree with me, I believe, is that, dude, we're thinking that we're the most progressive we've ever been as a society right now in 2023. Right. In 1860, James Buchanan was the president right before Abraham Lincoln. James Buchanan was the president. Okay. He was known gay. Everybody knew James Buchanan was gay.

The society did not care. They didn't care because your sexual preference as a president did not matter at all. Right now we go up. Oh, Pete Buttigieg is gay. Could he be the next president? 1850, 1860. They didn't give a shit. Interesting.

Your sexual proclivity did not matter at all if you were going to be president. That was your own personal thing. The height of the Roman Empire, Julius Caesar and all that, they were having bestiality, homosexuality was all okay, nobody cared. So we think, oh, we're so woke right now, we're so progressive.

This has happened in history hundreds of years before. It's just X, Y, and Z has happened to distract you from the fact that whatever puritanical thing has happened, whatever extremely liberal, extremely conservative thing has happened to distract you from the fact that we've been here before. alive he would say yeah i was gay they used to call his mistress who was a man they used to call uh uh president buchanan miss nancy they would call him because everybody he was the only president in history still to this day no first lady because he was gay he was sucking cock wasn't j edgar hoover gay as well probably but he wasn't the president that's true but he had as much power as the president sucking dick all good all good as long as you're in your fasting window, nobody cares. Zero intermission fasting app.

You have notifications set? Yes. Oh yeah. Oh baby, I'm in my window. I'm drinking the tequila. I can go to about 6pm tonight, central time. Mountain time. Whatever we're in. I can go. And I'm going to have a burrito. Good for you. I'm going to have a little fun. Because you know what? I'm drunk. I'm drunk. I'm high.

Off the bath salts. whatever you gave me. Yeah, what is that? You'll get a lawsuit in three years. We said we're going to come back and give it another hit. Oh, is this a new one? You want to hit me again? Same one. You didn't.

Jesus Christ. Jamie's pushing out. I got scared. Joe. Because the lid, the little glue on lid, it was kind of stuck back on again after I closed it. Joe, Jamie wants to go on a two-week vacation. Can we get him on a two-week vacation? Jamie needs to go on a vacation.

Am I hitting this again? You're going on a vacation with Jamie? Is that what you're saying? Let me ask you a question. If I hit this, are we doing Protect the Rivers? No. Okay. I'll hit it anyway. He wants to get rid of one of those guys. No, I'm kidding. I can't get rid of them. I'm kidding. I'm hit it anyway. He wants to get rid of one of those guys. No, I'm kidding.

I can't get rid of them. I'm kidding. I'm just joking around. Dude. Why do I like it now? I do a couple times and then I like it. Honestly, I get what Theo Vaughn is feeling. Yeah, it's a problem.

Because it sucks when it hits you, but then afterwards it's really kind of exciting. Who lives a better life than Theo Vaughn? He's living a good life. I mean, what a great... Mullet, good looking kid, having fun, Nashville, hilarious. Fun to hang out with. Sells a bunch of tickets. Yeah. I like it. I like Theo Vaughn. But you think I'm okay. You think I'm going to be okay.

Right now? Yeah. I'm a. You think I'm going to be okay. Right now? Yeah. I'm a little worried because the way you just phrased that. Okay. Up until that moment, I thought you were going to be okay. But I was like, what's going on in his brain? Like, what are the rumblings that allowed him to ask that question? You're going to be fine.

I think I'm a fraud. No. Everybody feels like that when things start going well. So that's normal then? Yes. Okay. Imposter syndrome. Then that makes me feel better.

Literally everybody I've ever talked to has it. Some people won't tell you they have it, but everybody that's been willing to talk about it says they have it. Everybody has a certain version of it because it doesn't make any sense. Because you see someone, whoever the fuck it is, whether it's a musician or whether it's an athlete or whether it's a comedian or a singer or a rock star, when you see someone who is like prominent in the public eye, there's this weird thing

that you have, like they're a different thing. You know, you meet Robert Downey Jr. That's a different thing. That's fucking Iron Man. That's a different thing. It's not a regular person, but it is a regular person. We're all just regular people. So when you become that person where people go, it's Chrissy D.

Like, no, it's just me. Oh my God, I'm a fraud. It's natural. Total, 100% natural. I've had many conversations with guys who blew up, who worried about that. So even you, you think, oh, I don't deserve this. You can't think it. You can't allow that little fire to burn inside your mind, but it is a total normal thing to think of because it doesn't make any sense to life. Dude, I almost texted you this morning and said, I can't come tonight. I almost, because I said, you know what, what am I going to do? I'm going to go on there for a couple hours and what, be a fraud?

Well, like, you know, but I swear to God, I have that thing. But that's why you're good. It really is. Is that what it is? Yeah, I think so. That's very interesting. I think the guys that have that feeling, they all wind up being really good. Because I think that that feeling comes from this place where you really do care.

And you really want to do the best that you can with your act. And you really want to be on it. But, you know, you're nervous. And so you think, like, oh, my God, there's no way I could be this person. I've tricked people. I used to think at all the time when I'd get my name called when I was about to go on stage

interesting I used to think at all the time this is wild all the time I used to like in the back of the comedy store like they'd say

ladies and gentlemen please welcome Joe Rogan I'd be like what are they clapping for this is crazy this can't be real yeah I feel forever

I feel that way too I find myself doing my shows you know and having my prepared act and writing the material or whatever. And, you know, giving it 100% at the end of my set, one of my last bit, which, you know, sometimes we'll get a big laugh or whatever. I'll find myself being like, guys, I'm sorry. I hope you enjoyed your money. I hope you got money. I'm sorry it wasn't what you expected it to be and blah blah blah blah blah

But then they'll be like be clapping sometimes standing up and clapping and I'm like saying I'm sorry to them and I always wondered Like what is this but you just kind of said something profound to me where you were like, it's everybody has that Yeah, I thought it was just me instead of apologizing. Just tell them I shouldn't apologize. Just tell them you appreciate them Maybe that's that I should do. And then you'll have an honest little engagement with those people and you'll enjoy it. It's a natural propensity to lean towards the negative and think about the negative and be fearful that all this success that you have now is going to go away. That's what people worry about.

That's what I feel. Yeah, and they're worried that they're a fraud. And you know, you see, one of the things that's really hard to watch is when you see someone who's doing really well and then all of a sudden they're not doing well anymore. And then they start, their career starts to dwindle and then they start to get panicky.

And people get to a weird place. Especially guys who get like older and it's not happening for them. It's like yikes the fear that you have is the fear of the rising it's the best fear because it's like the fear of the unknown where is this going to lead to

you have so much potential you're 38 years old you're just getting into your groove with stand up do you think I look jacked? everything's good dude it's natural for anybody successful at anything and you could ask that Do you think I look jacked? You're good. Everything's good, dude. Everything's good. It's natural. All these thoughts are natural for anybody successful at anything.

And you could ask that. Athletes will tell you that. Everybody has imposter syndrome. Yeah, the imposter syndrome is a real, and I don't think it's even in entertainment. I think it's in anybody who's listening to this right now. Life. Whatever career or field, life. You have this imposter syndrome where whatever success you may get, you don't think is worthy. But you gotta kind of think that

you gotta change your mindset and say, no, I am worthy of it. Well, a lot of times the thing that drove people to try to be big at show business was a lack of attention. I know that's definitely what happened to me when I was a child, and I know that happens to a lot of people. And that

thing that drives you to that is like a dominant force. But at some point in time, in order to be like what I would say a healthy artist is, you have to recognize what that is and then transfer the energy that you spent trying to get attention to now try to get really good at this thing you do. Just try to get really good at stand-up. Try to get really good at the thing you do. Just try to get really good at standup. Try to get really good at the bits. Try to kill. Try to do your best at that. And don't think about the attention anymore. The attention is like a thing that like gets you to it.

And you try so hard to be good at standup because you want the positive feedback. You want that attention from the audience. But then once you figure out how to get that, there becomes like a transitioning period where you blossom out of that. If you you mean not everybody does like some people choose to just concentrate on right what got them to the dance but i think that like the best way to think about it and be mentally healthy it's not think about yourself and attention and just think about the bits just think about doing your best to stand up and then once you do that the attention you get will be like a balanced attention do you think you as joe rogan right now is the best stand up

that you've been in your life right now yeah i think right now it's the best i've ever been because i'm doing it a lot and i'm smarter i'm older i've been doing it longer you know but and we're still doing stand up the way we always did stand up it's like you still there's no subjects that are off limits it's like that's horseshit this is stupid this world and we're still doing stand-up the way we always did stand-up. It's like you still, there's no subjects that are off limits. It's like, that's horseshit. This is stupid. This world that we're living in now where people are terrified of like doing stand-up, it's so strange.

Canceling people for jokes and fucking around with the way reality is being perceived. Well, like, yeah, you, Louis, Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, these guys, you know, Mount Rushmore of guys from my generation who like, you know, oh, these were the guys from, you know, when I was a kid watching them. Yeah, you kind of have that, not bravado, but like kind of like no fear kind of comedy, right? You have to just do comedy for what you think would be funny what you would like to hear and like how the like the kind Of shit that you enjoy like I enjoy ridiculous people. I enjoy Bill Burr. I enjoyed Louis CK I enjoy Dave Chappelle. I enjoy ridiculous people. I enjoy hilarious people that have this Fucking perceptions of life they could boil down to the most outrageous shit on stage that makes me cry laughing. That's why I love Joey Diaz. That's what I like.

And that's what I do. And that's what I'm always going to do. And you could like it or you don't like it. But that's what the art form is. And don't go to a rap concert and complain that they're singing about money and guns. Don't. Don't go to a country western show and complain that they're singing about the fucking ranch and sunset and being down by the river.

You know, don't go to a Taylor Swift song, complain she's not doing Led Zeppelin. Like, there's different vibes. Right. And what we do as stand-ups is, like, it's not compatible with, like, woke social media culture. It's just not. So it's just not. And that's what it is. It is what it is.

And you can break it is. It is what it is. And you can break it down all you want. But if you allow that social media woke culture to invade standup, all you get is bad standup. Yeah. You just got to be unapologetic about it. Now, let me ask you a question. Do you think you, who is, do you think if I put up a tournament of 50 guys in their fifties, a wrestling fucking just man tournament, do you think there's anybody in their 50s who's stronger and better than you physically? In comedy? No, no, no, no.

I'm talking about- In life? Of course. I'm talking about a physical, like we're talking about who's a more jacked 55-year-old guy than you? Who can literally go further than joe rogan in their mid-50s you dude you'd beat the shit out of barack obama well that's not fair he doesn't do it at all um you know who how is how old is jaco willink jaco's around my age she

might be a little younger than me you think you take down jaco no jaco's a big fella he's a big guy right it was about 240 j Jamie, what do you think? Jocko's a legit Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. He's 51? He's 51? Yeah, Jocko's an animal. Joe, what are you, 53? 55.

55? Yeah, I'm 55. Dude, who's a better 55-year-old than you? Seriously, who's better? Tell me. I don't know. I don't think anybody. I think you've pushed yourself to the best 55-year-old on the planet.

Thank you very much. That's very sweet of you. Very sweet. Protect the rivers. I like you've pushed yourself to the best 55-year-old on the planet. Thank you very much. That's very sweet of you. Seriously. Very sweet. Protect the rivers. I like this hard pitch. Jamie, I mean, do you have to take, when you step up to the plate, do you have to try to hit home runs or what? Isn't that the goal?

Jamie says that's the goal. Jamie needs a vacation. Give him a vacation. What? Jamie needs a vacation. Why do you keep saying Jamie needs a vacation? I'm just saying. Because Jamie's got gray hairs in his beard. I'm just saying, let's get Jamie two weeks to Aruba. Jamie has organically programmed

himself to be the greatest producer of all time. Number one in history of podcasting, Jamie. He's the GOAT. Jamie is the... Isn't that wild? He's uncomfortable. Look at him. You have GOATs. You have Joe Rogans. You have LeBron James. You have Elon Musk. You have Barack Obama. You have Caitlyn Jenner. Here's the thing I'll say. You have goats. You have Joe Rogans. You have LeBron James. You have Elon Musk. You have Barack Obamas.

You have Caitlyn Jenner. Here's the thing I'll say. You have Jamie Vernon. He stands alone. Who the fuck else is a producer like him? You have Brian Redband, but he's a co-host. Brian Redband's also funny. He fucks around.

He interjects. He puts the music. When he does Kill Tony, he's great as a co-host. Right. But he's also the producer. So it's a little different. I want to shout out my producer, the Homeless Pimp, who's amazing. Homeless Pimp, Chrissy Chaos.

Hey, babe. Homeless Pimp's amazing. Homeless Pimp is in the... Homeless Pimp looks up to Jamie. Homeless Pimp is a great producer. Homeless Pimp should. Nobody knows who the fuck the Homeless Pimp is. Mike Lavin, the Homeless Pimp, baby.

Okay, now people know who he is. Homeless Pimp. Shout out Homeless Pimp. You need a... Let me... Word to the wise. Anyone starting a podcast out there, get yourself a know who he is. Homeless Pimp. Shout out Homeless Pimp. You need a... Let me... Word to the wise. Anyone starting a podcast out there, get yourself a producer who has autism. They're the best.

That's a good move. Also, someone who you like. Hold on. Someone who you like hanging out with. Jamie has autism. I don't think Jamie has autism. Look at me, Jamie. I think Jamie...

Share me in the eyes. I have something in my eye. I can't. Jamie is in some... He's got autistic tendencies. He's also in a weird intelligence spectrum. I'll take that. Jamie's unusually intelligent.

Jamie is unusually intelligent, and I said the last time you brought me of a young John Travolta. I told you that. Yeah, you did, and we all got real confused. You do look like Jamie. I look like I see Scientology vibes in your face. I want Jamie to get one of them old school, timey, curly mustaches. That's what I want him to grow. I really do. I want Jamie to shave his head. I want Jamie to get one of them old school timey curly mustaches. That's what I want him to grow. I really do. I want Jamie to shave his head.

I want him to shave his head. I want him to grow some crazy old school handlebar-y type. I want Jamie to look like the spokesperson for Sarsaparilla. What? Sarsaparilla. Have you ever seen the UFC referee Mike Beltran's mustache? Oh yeah. It's the craziest thing you've ever seen

in your life. Dude. It's goddamn. It's like it hangs down to his nipples. You love a good nipple mustache. Maybe lower. Oh, look at that guy. That's what Jamie looks like? That's rude.

How dare you? That's rude. That's Jamie in 150 years, given the current state of medical science. Fucking Jamie, dude. Jamie looks like he. Jamie, you got Bitcoin? Jamie's got a lot of Bitcoin. Jamie looks like he, Jamie, you got Bitcoin? Jamie's got a lot of Bitcoin. Jamie looks like he's invested properly in Bitcoin.

Jamie's got Bitcoin in his pocket right now. I like Jamie's energy. Dude, the energy in here, the karmic energy in the Joe Rogan experience is very positive. That's good.

It's very positive. That's what I want. Beautiful. You don't see that all the time when you're traveling around, but it's got, I mean, dude, we just went to the bathroom.

One of your security guys was taking a shit. It smelled positive. Positively horrific. I mean, no, yeah, he eats too much chicken skin. But positive, good guy. Because, you know, I came into the studio, he shook my hand to, Hey Chris,

how you doing? You know, and I, but, but I know he's positive, friendly, but I know if, if at any moment I got out of line,

he'd break my neck. He'd, he'd rip my skull out through my ass crack. You know what I mean? He, you got to make you feel comfortable. It does. Because I say,

you know what? He's positive. He's happy. He has the, he has the capability to kill me with his bearings if he wanted to, but he's not that guy. That won't happen unless I push him into that happening. So that makes me feel good. He knows his strength.

He knows his experience, but he's got control of it. So it makes me feel comfortable. It makes me feel comfortable. Does it make you aspire to that, to be that kind of a person? It makes me aspire to that, but it also makes me simultaneously feel like I can't do that because I haven't dedicated my life to that and I'm too scared. I still sleep to this night. If I'm sleeping in my hotel last night, I have the bathroom light on because if I'm

sleeping in pure darkness, I always see a ghost or a poltergeist or I think someone's there. So I know I'm not going to be the guy, your security guard, whose shit smells like positivity. Did you see that the Mexican president, the president of Mexico, took a photograph and posted, say, he caught a picture of a wood elf. How wild is that? This dude's

wild. Apparently he buys into a lot of old myths and fairy tales. I hate to do this, but I'm going to piss again. Again? Again, dude. I drank so much goddamn water. You know what? I'll be right back. We'll wrap this. This will be the last segment. I gotta piss. I'll piss with you. And we're back. We're back.

Dude, this is the overhydration show. I apologize to everyone. I've never had to pee this much, but I feel better. I really do. I feel blessed. Most pisses ever on a Joe Rogan episode is with me. And like I said, great prostate. Thank you. You know, we were talking about working out while we were peeing. There's this YouTube

guy I follow, Athlean X. Yeah, I follow that too. Jeff. And he does these ERs, they're called. Maybe it's efficient reps, I think. But basically, it's Arnold Schwarzenegger. And he's a big fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger,

and I've been doing this and I've been seeing results, is he thinks that the real hypertrophy, which I think is scientifically backed, the real hypertrophy comes at the last two to three reps of an exercise. So say you're doing 12, 10, 8, 6, the last 9, 10, 11, 12 is really where the hypertrophy comes. So what he says is he does 20 efficient reps, right? 20 ERs.

So you get an ignition set. So you take a weight that you'll fail at between 8 and 12. Let's say you're doing bicep curls. You'll take a 50-pound dumbbell and you'll fail at 10. You're failing at 10. When failing to him means you're breaking the form and the concentric exercise and you're failing. You're using other muscles to kind of recruit the bicep to get that. That's failing.

So he says what you do then, that's your ignition set. You take a 50-pound dumbbell, your ignition set is 10 reps. Boom, good. You wait 15 seconds. Now the real workout begins. You have to get 20 efficient reps, 20 ERs in that time. So after you do the 10, you're at failure. Wait 15 seconds.

Boom. One, two. Maybe I can get four, and then I got to take a break. Wait 15 seconds. Boom, boom, boom. Every 15 seconds up to 20, that's one set. Then you move on to the brachioradialis, the brachialis, the front deltoid, whatever it may be. And you, you know, Athlean-X says you stay in that one type of workout he has.

You stay in that efficient rep range. And I got to tell you, that's brought, I've went from doing his efficient rep exercise. I went from being able to do about 10 pull-ups in a row to 20 in about a month and a half. Wow. So with weight, right? So I think I've been following that AthleanX YouTube follow, in my opinion, one of the best followers you can on YouTube. It's such an amazing time if you're interested in physical fitness

because there's so much information now. There's so many people that have all these studies that have been done. There's so many people that have like all these studies that have been done There's so many people that really understand like the science behind building cardiovascular fitness and hypertrophy and all that It's a really unique time man because there's guys like and your Huberman Oh you buy a lane like Lane Norton Let the who are like legit like weightlifters. Yeah, and like jack dudes who are also scientists Yeah, like legit scientists who can give you the real information about what's effective What's not different ways to do it and here's the thing that I think this is more important than anything is consistency focus and effort and

Everything works like the people that want to do high reps were just guys that get super jacked on calisthenics I mean look at those bar stars guys. They have the most incredible super jacked on calisthenics. I mean, look at those Bar Stars guys. They have the most incredible physiques, and it's all calisthenics. The only thing that a lot of those guys are missing is the load-bearing work for the legs. Because I think, like, in order to get...

Like, they're load-bearing with their arms because they're doing all this body work, but load-bearing with your legs, almost kind of like to build your legs up to match your upper body, you almost kind of have to do... Unless you do, like, one-leggedgged type squats and plyometrics and shit. I feel like you kind of have to lift something What about a little steroids? What about I'll help you. What if I do one cycle just fucking get it

You know before you even think about doing anything Why don't you go and get blood work done so they could find out what your nutrient levels are at where your hormone levels are At where your cortisol levels are at. We can have that set up next time you come into town. I'm going to do that because I think I just, again, get one spin on this. Let's just try one cycle of juice. Let's go. Let's try one cycle of juice.

I don't know if it would be good for you. I think you should listen to your father. I bet he would tell you you're not going to go with one. You're going to go with two and you're going to try to double it up. He doesn't want me to juice. And you're going to want to look like Dorian Yates. Dude, my dad, first of all, my father you know, what's another great thing he instilled in me cuz you know, I am you know You know my Jasmine the mother my children also had a son before I met her and so I was a stepfather

Immediately right beautiful thing, you know and my dad's wisdom because my said, you know, him and my mom divorced, right? And my dad said, even though your mother, when I was a kid, he was like, even though your mother and I are divorced, we have a child, I have a child with your mother, you'll never hear me talk bad about her. I respect this woman more than every other, any other woman in my life. I respect her because she's the, she's your mother. So you always, so when I had a stepkid, he was like, remember, you always got to respect the mother of your children when i was 15 years old my mother because my parents were divorced when i was one my mother's ivy league graduate my father's third grade education when my when my parents divorced when i was one when i was 15 my mother started

dating one of my best friend's fathers which as as a 15-year-old boy, brutal. I mean, you'd hear, we'd be sitting in the garage smoking weed, fucking around. I was a 15, 16-year-old adolescent. Somebody would be like, what do you think Chris's mom is doing? Oh, no. And one of my other friends would be like, I don't know, banging Jimmy's dead? And I'd be like, ah! You know, like horrifying.

Oh, my God. dead and i'm like you know like horrifying oh my god and so anyway so this this guy who's dating my mother when i'm 15 one day uh cheats on my mom and starts dating a woman having an affair with a woman who lives directly across the street i'm talking about we live here directly across the street. I'm talking about we live here directly across. We can see into that house. That's what this guy did. Cheated on my mom, carries on an affair with another woman directly across the street, right? So I'm 15, 16 years old. Don't really understand that my mother's heartbroken over this. She would set up a chair, especially on the weekends, and just look out the window to see if this guy's going to go into that other woman's house heartbroken horrified staying in her pajamas violently depressed crying every day and i don't understand i'm a 15 year old kid i'm playing my video games jerking off to say bola i i don't know

what's going on right i i shout out i don't i don't know what's going on i don't deal with this right but my father even though my parents were divorced, was always like, I respect your mother. I will protect your mother from forever from this point forward. We have a child. I protect your mother. And that's what he instilled in me. So he comes over one day to pick me up for basketball practice. And I'm in my room playing video games, being a dickhead, whatever.

I'm a kid. I don't understand that my mother's outside crying, being heartbroken. And my dad walks in, sees my mom crying, looking out the window, looks at dad, is like, the fuck is going on with this lady? Comes into my room. He goes, Chrissy, what's going on with your mother out there? She's crying.

I said, yeah, remember that guy she was dating? He dumped her. And now he's dating a woman who lives directly across the street. And my dad says, you going to do something about that? I said, what? he dumped her and now he's dating a woman who lives directly across the street. And my dad says, you're going to do something about that? I said, what? I'm 15 years old.

I have psoriasis. Like, I have a skin condition. Like, I have a neck problem. Like, I'm an anxious kid. Like, I'm playing video games. What am I going to do? He goes, listen, I'm going to go get us bagels. 100% true story. He goes, I'm going to go get us bagels. 100% true story. He goes, I'm going to go get us bagels.

Just do me a favor. Don't come outside. I'm going to go get us bagels. I'll bring bagels back to you. What do you want? Everything bagel with cream cheese? I was like, yeah, sure. Not thinking anything.

Going back, playing my video games. Five minutes later, I hear my mother, because she's looking out the window, screaming, Tony, Tony, you're going to kill him. My dad went across the street. they've been divorced 15 years rang this person's bell waited for this guy to come downstairs started beating the shit out of him for disrespecting my mom i run down the stairs after i hear my mother screaming i see my dad got blood on his knuckles this guy's fucking on the floor not knocked, but like writhing in pain. It felt like a good fellas. Like when Ray Leo was walking across the street, like I felt like Karen.

Hide the gun. Hide the gun, Karen. You know? I literally, I was like, oh my God. So my dad gets in my face. I swear to God, this is a real thing. This happened in 1998, 1999. He goes, that was your job.

That was, I just did your job. Like lunatic, like kind of, and I was like, well, what? This is it, the Ray Liotta scene. This is how my dad is, fucking walking across after he just beat the shit out of the guy. And this is me. This is me right here. Oh, well, this is him getting beat up. My dad did just, not with the gun, but beat this fucking guy's face in.

Oh my God, I forgot this scene. He pistol whips him. Yeah, he pistol whips him. Oh my God. him getting beat up my dad did just not with the gun but beat this fucking guy's face in oh my god i forgot this scene he pistol whips him yeah he pistol whips him and then oh my god as he's walking across i'm karen of yeah look this this is my dad's face right here probably wearing that same and this is doing this yeah yeah this is me this is me as that was me looking and i uh i tried to make believe like i didn't see it and my dad goes goes in my face, he goes, that was your job. And I said, what? I'm fucking, what do you mean? I'm a kid.

I'm 15 years old. I have psoriasis. You know, and then two hours later, we're going over the Verrazano Bridge, which connects, you know, Brooklyn to Staten Island. My dad's taking me to my game. I was going to stay by him for the weekend. And, you know, because my dad always had,

like that's why I call my comedy tour the right intention but the wrong move my dad's intentions were protect your mother but the move was executed you know poorly but he says to me he says uh chris we're on in traffic on the barizona bridge he goes chris he goes uh you know what i did was wrong back there right you know i shouldn't have done that i was like uh yeah yeah, I know. Mom knows. The police know. Everybody knows you shouldn't have done it. He goes, exactly. He goes, but you shouldn't. Instead of playing video games in your room like an asshole, you should be out there comforting your mother when she's going through a hardship. You made me do your job.

You're responsible for protecting your mother now. What a mixed signal, though. You shouldn't do that. It's a bad thing to do, it's your job exactly so that's where the kind of uh dichotomy and my father comes in the right intention but the wrong move because i understand what he was saying protect your mom which actually was instilled in me to protect my mom but but after that but the move was to beat somebody up another grown grown man, when I'm just a kid, I don't know. Yeah, your anxiety makes a lot of sense.

Very anxious. Yeah, it makes sense. Like, it's a conflict. And if you're dealing with that conflict when you're a young, growing person, you know, it's very hard for your brain to figure out what's the right thing to do. You don't have, like, a clear... You can have bad examples. Like, you could have a dad that's a horrible alcoholic. I have friends that have that and they won't touch a drink because they saw what it does when someone becomes an alcoholic.

So you can learn from a bad example. But it seems like he was a great guy with like really wise things to say but also a bad example. That's what's crazy. Like he was a wise man who cared about you but also a bad example and also a violent criminal yeah yeah yeah so so that's that's this kind of kind of uh uh like i said dichotomy this confusion about my father as a guy because he was an amazing his advice is amazing oh an amazing human being an amazing human being but there was you know his methods of it yeah was a little, you know, his methods of it was a little suspect, you know, where I was like, I got his point, you know, like, but he would, like I said,

his intentions on it were not always the best, but as a, you know, but the byproduct of it was from that moment when I was 15, 16 years old, I never, ever, ever, when my mom mom needed help i was always there to help her i think we can't even imagine what it would have been like to grow up during your dad's time i don't think we could imagine it i really don't and i don't think he could have imagined growing up in his dad's time coming over here during the depression right you know these people that came over here from italy and from ireland Ireland and England and wherever the fuck they came from. And during that time, like so many people came during the early 19th century.

Those fucking people were hard ass people, man. Right. Like and they made hard ass people and it took a long time for us to get sensitive. And we're only becoming like really sensitive to the way what happens to people when they grow up kind of over the last few generations. And somebody like my dad, like I said, third, fourth grade education, was able to foresee issues we're having in society now 12 years ago. Like, for example, when Twitter came out, right? My dad said, I remember this was 2009, 2009, 2010. I just got into comedy, so it was 2010.

And I got a Twitter and I was telling my dad. And he was like, why'd you do that? I was like, ah, you know, it's comedy. You know was 2010. And I got a Twitter and I was telling my dad and he was like, why'd you do that? I was like, ah, you know, it's comedy, you know, like you got, everybody has a Twitter, right? And he goes, let me tell you something about Twitter. He goes, this is the worst thing that's going to happen to society. I said, why? Again, third grade education. He said, cause let me tell you, he said, let me tell you something that I know a hundred percent. He goes, not everybody's supposed to be talking. You're not supposed to have everybody in society talking. Only a few people are supposed to talk. Most of us are supposed to listen. When

you got everybody talking, you're going to have a big problem. Trust me on that. And now we're here 2023, big problem. Everybody's got an opinion. Exactly what I've said about this. But it's just that people have to kind of earn their right to be heard. And I know that sounds ridiculous because they are doing it through Twitter. It's just doing it in a real messy way. Right. Like, everybody can be heard now. That just is what it is.

And to say it's true what he said, it's true. Not everybody should talk, but everybody can talk. So that's just the reality of the world we live in. Right. You can't change that. Yeah. Everybody can talk. So that's just the reality of the world we live in.

Right. You can't change that. That is, unless there's a fucking supernova out there that blows out our electrical system and we don't have the internet for a decade, that's it. Yeah. This is the world we live in now. And I've accepted that at this point, but I'm just saying like a street smart guy. A street smart guy who grew up today would still be street smart, just with this new reality that you live in.

Right. Like I grew up, like I said, with an Ivy League educated mother, so very book smart, and a third grade educated father, but very street smart, in and out of the system, whatever. So I had this idea, I had this both sides of like my mom making me, you know, understand history and memorize every state capital and understand the economy, blah, blah, blah. Where my dad coming at it from just life stuff. Like when I, when I, uh, you know, my, my oldest daughter is, um, is seven now. And I've only been with Jasmine, the mother of my children for eight years. So that means the second or third date we conceived our daughter. And it was a big thing because I grew up very Catholic, especially my, you know, I got Catholic tattoos all over my body. Like I'm fighting in the army of God, like I'm Chrissy Crusades. And I grew up that way,

just fucking Catholicism pounded down my throat by my mom. And so when I got a girl pregnant out of wedlock, this in my family and in my being is a huge, it's almost like I murdered someone. Like it is huge. Like I had to approach my mother now with this idea of, I got a woman pregnant who I barely know out of wedlock. The anxiety, the kind of fear to approach my mother with this was palpable. It was inconceivable in my mind. And so, but my father being street smart and being understanding of the world, knew how to help me with this. I told my father first because my father doesn't judge me.

He just like is like, whatever you want to do, Chris, I support you. And I'm going to help you get in and out of trouble as best I can. That's how my father feels. Like he's like, I'm my father lives his life for me, his son. He's like, I, my whole life changed. And his son. He's like, my whole life changed. And that's how I feel about my children. I live my life for my children. Because that was how my dad was.

So he said to me, when I told him, I confessed. I said, you know, I really like him and love with this woman. She's pregnant with my child. We're going to have this baby. I had already been a physical therapist. I'd already had minimal success in comedy. I felt like I'm going to have this baby. I'm the one who decided to have unprotected sex.

We're going to have this baby. Despite the odds against us, I'm going to do it. My dad goes, listen, I support you 100%. Whatever you want. Because everybody else in my life, when I told them I had a girl pregnant, were like, oh my God, blah, blah, blah. Negative right away. My father's first words out of his mouth were congratulations. That's what he said. Everybody else in my life, when I told them I had a girl pregnant, were like, oh, my God, blah, blah, blah. Negative right away.

My father's first words out of his mouth were congratulations. That's what he said. Congratulations. Because he knew he was like, I'm just going to support you, whatever it is. That's a great combination. Yeah. Between your mom and your dad. It really is.

Yeah. It's a great combination for like a balanced view of the world. Yeah. Yeah. And I agree with that because my mom, at times we would, you know, butt heads, but she was keeping me in the straight line as much as she could. When my dad was like, I'm just supporting you in every way I can. So I did have, again, privileged, beautiful, blessed life. I'm very aware of that. But what my dad said to me was he was like, okay, here's the thing.

He goes, here's what we got to do with your mother right now. He goes, she barely knows this woman. She barely knows this woman who's carrying your child. So what we got to do, what we got to do is you got to introduce this woman and show the best qualities of this woman to your mother. Because we got to, we got to basically get your mother pregnant. Get her on board. He said exactly what he goes. We got to get your mother pregnant with the idea of her being pregnant.

Oh my God. We got to fucking, we got to make your mother fall in love with this woman. And then the fact that she's pregnant is a bonus. That's what we got to do. So that's what I did. And I got to tell you, by the time I told my mom, Jasmine was pregnant,

was four or five months into knowing her, mom didn't bat an eye. She was like, amazing. I love it. And that was all my dad being street smart saying get your mother pregnant with the idea of her being pregnant i was like great fucking quote now my mom graduated from columbia university i believe she couldn't have come up with the shit my dad who's got one tooth came up with

that's amazing yeah dude right that's a great combination, man. Are you close with your mom and dad? Yeah. Well, I'm close with my mom. I'm not close with my biological dad, but I'm close with my stepdad. Well, your stepdad. Yeah. Yeah.

See, and that's what I love about, you know, I have a stepchild, and I was raised half by a stepmom. And I feel like step-parenting is the most thankless job. It's one of the most thankless jobs because I have to, I treat my stepson like he is my own, just like my stepmother treated me like I was her own, but we're not right. There's no nature biological connection. But I said, my connection to you as my stepson is through my daughters. And I, you are as much as, even though I did not create you, you are a part of my life, part of my family. and I love you like I love my children. But it's a tough thing to kind of, when you're a step-parent, you realize like, man, I'm in third, fourth, fifth place in my own life, and I just have to accept that. I got to try to be the most positive human being I can and be happy for me because happiness is,

I can transfer it to my family. But being a stepfather is harder than being a biological father because it's nature is saying, this is not your kid, but yet you have to say, no, no, no, it is my kid. This is my child. And I found that being a stepdad has, it's almost like, you know, when you kind of like grind the gears and like, you know, grind the stuff and then a diamond comes out. Like, I feel like that. I feel like I'm proud to be a father because of my step-parenting more than my biological. I love my children, all three of them the same equally, even though one of them is not biologically mine. I love him like I love my daughters. That's beautiful. That seems like everything you're saying is you being on a path of being a

better person like it seems like you're really concentrating on that all the time what would you do if i killed myself in my hotel room tonight you seem like you're trying to do that though right i'm i'm accurate like i love everything you're saying and i agree and a hundred percent i feel the same way yeah because i know it's beautiful it's not it's nice like it's your you're concentrating on being a better person that's the real thing because I know. It's beautiful. It's nice. You're concentrating on being a better person. That's the real thing. So you can put the watch back on. I think put the watch back on.

Jamie, have I earned it? Don't be afraid of success. Okay, I've earned it. Put that watch back on. I always put it down upside down. No, everything you're saying I wholeheartedly agree with, and I think it's beautiful. And I think thinking that way, it's good for you.

It's good for people around you. It's like you're trying to be the best version of Chrissyissy d as you could be well i think too like that rhymed wow is that my new album i think i think that too like even like animals like i never used to have a want a dog and i don't have a dog yet but i'm contemplating getting the dog but i would always be like oh animals like what if they what if a cat or a dog bites my kid? But I realize now the connection between all living things. You know what I'm trying to say? Just get an animal that's not going to bite your kid.

Get a Labrador. Get a cool dog that's got great temperament. I spelled it. Get a sweet dog. There's a lot of sweet dogs out there that are great with kids. I have a golden retriever. He's the best. The best, dude.

Right? He's so sweet with everybody. Everybody that comes great with kids. I have a golden retriever. He's the best the best dude, right? He's so sweet with everybody everybody that comes over the house is like his new best friend He's just a just big old love ball beautiful. I know my mom had a dachshund Larry and Larry was a you know a little German wiener dog that a fucking barked at everybody didn't they is that the dog? Did they make them that shape for a specific reason? Yes, to go into bunkers in World War II. Really? Well, I don't know, that's what, look at this. I'll wear it with the goggles. I like them. I like

those glasses, dude. I don't think you should be ashamed of that. Do you want to put them on? Do you want to see what it feels like? No, I'm okay. Okay. But I like them on you. You're confident in who you are. It's a good look. I'm like Popeye, bro. I am what I am. Did I ever tell you about Larry, the end of Larry's life? What did I ask him to look up?

Doxons. Oh, sorry. End of Larry's life. You ready for this? This is 100% true story. My dog, Larry, who I got when I was 16, lived with my mom. I moved out. Larry lived a long life, 17, 18 years, which is a long time for a dachshund he's dying every time i go visit my mother he's dying right it's like obviously this

dog needs to be put down my mother it's my it's like a second son right to my mother she's not going to put him down blah blah blah finally we get to a point where larry's like literally looks like he's got bandages over his eyes he looks like he fought in the fucking civil war like we got to get larry to the fucking vet It's a mercy kill at this point. Larry's dying. My mother finally agrees. Larry's dying. We take him to the vet.

Okay? We take him to the vet. The vet comes in, does her tests. Great vet. Does her tests. Says, yes, Larry needs to be put down right now. He's got all these problems, tumors, and advanced illness. He needs to die, right?

Peacefully. Great. You know, upset, but Larry will be in a better place. I'm there with my mother. Of course, it's 11 o'clock at night. There with my mother, holding her. You know, I'm upset. She's upset, of course.

The vet says to us, going to put a little needle in Larry's paw, going to have a medicine that's going to kind of stop Larry's heart. It's going to take about 20 seconds. He will breathe his last breath, painless, numb, like it never happened. Larry will pass away. Of course, it's very emotionally inducing. Emotionally inducing for me, emotionally inducing for my mom. But we say, Mom, this is the best case scenario.

The vet convinced her. I convinced her. My mom even was convinced, your guy's all right. I'm almost cruel letting him suffer this much. The vet says he has to pass away. Great. So we're prepared. Larry's there blinking in pain. You see it. The medicine comes in, goes in. I see it going through the tubes, goes in through his paws. Thinking about 20, 30 seconds. Larry's blinking. We're looking at him rubbing. My mother's hysterical, as she should be.

I'm upset. Rubbing my mother's back. Of course, 30 seconds goes by. Larry's still blinking. I'm rubbing my mother's back. I'm saying, Mom, it's going to be okay. A few more seconds. No problem.

Time's going on. Now we're at a minute. Now we're at a minute and a half and it's a long time. And it's about two minutes now. And my mom, you know, is crying. Larry's blinking. Larry actually looked like he's getting a little bit more energy. And I said, uh, I said to the vet, I said, uh, is there, is this normal? She goes, no. Um, I'll be right back. Because Larry now has got, I mean, Larry was dying. And now Larry's kind of got a bit of a pep in his step. So I'm saying, okay, what's going on here? My mom's kind of upset, but she's like, we're all confused.

Vet leaves, comes back, white as a ghost. The vet, I say to the vet, because my mom is incontrollable, I say, doc, what's going on? She goes, I'm very sorry. She goes, we have a new vet tech that just started last week, innocent mistake. The dog next door to you was dehydrated. And we accidentally gave Larry electrolytes, not the death medicine. We gave him electroly electrolytes so you might see a quick surge of energy which were i mean larry was doing cartwheels i mean this dog was acting like he was a fucking puppy we see this quick surge of energy what about the other dog that's what i thought the the

electrolytes into larry the vet says don't worry i have the right medicine right here larry will will be dead in a minute. Larry now is like blinking, like literally, like we gave Larry like a shot of cocaine. Fucking fully alive. Unbelievable. My mom doesn't know what to do. They give the right medicine to Larry,

like the right medicine. Larry died in five seconds. Dead, last blink, whatever. I thought the same thing you did. I said, God knows what the hell happened to the dog next door. Yeah. I have no fucking idea. Just get out of there.

I signed that paperwork. We fucking left. Oh, boy. Yeah, it was one of those things where- It's not you. It ain't me. You can't pull it back either. It was a big fuck up. And my mom was kind of-

Oh, my God. On the drive home, my mom was like, do you think Larry could have been saved? I said, Mom, you know what? I think we made the right choice. Here's a Wendy's here. I'm starving. I'll get you a fucking chicken. And the dehydrated dog died suddenly.

Might have died suddenly. But that's medicine, baby. That's medicine. That's a real story. And my mom still has the urn, has the ashes of little Larry. By the way, I think if you have a dog, it's great to name it a funny human name. I don't like Fido, Spot. I like Larry, Gary, Harry, Megan. I met a Rottweiler once, 250 pounds, had rabies. Her name was Josephine. Hilarious. Well, not rabies, but she was foam.

I don't know if she was rabies, but she was a vicious dog. Her name was Josephine. Hilarious. I know a woman whose doctor took out the wrong kidney. Took out her good kidney. It happens. How crazy is that? You think that it's just in the movies. People that amputate the wrong foot. Right.

They do shit sometimes. They get tired. They're humans. They're humans. That's the thing. You know, like when a doctor, when you go into a surgery, when you have an emergency situation, the doctor is making, now granted, they are professionals, but they are making, make no mistake, they are making their educated best guess. Now, the chances are their educated best guess is 99% right, but it is still an educated

best guess. Okay? It is not foolproof. Once they start cutting you open, putting you under, weird shit happens. I mean, how many times do you have a plastic surgery or whatever that goes awry and then somebody dies? Because I don't want to ever get a surgery that I don't need to survive. Right. Like, I don't like my left tit.

It flails a little bit, even though I'm trying to get myself in shape. Maybe get a little local anesthesia. A little nip and a tuck. You think a nip and a tuck? Pull that little nipple to the side. Do I need to do it? Cryo, maybe. What about HGH?

Freeze your tits. Should I do HGH? You should get your whole body analyzed like go and get blood work done where they can examine everything your hormones your nutrients and then someone should ask you about your sleep they should track your you know your heart rate variability they should you know they should find out where your fitness levels that there's a lot of things that to do it properly if you're going to adjust your hormones. And you're at an age at 38 where a lot of people either start or consider starting. You really should get a comprehensive panel on your overall health.

And there's a bunch of really solid experts that can do that for you now. What do you take every day? What is there a daily intake that Joe Rogan takes? Not every day. What do you take every day? What is there a daily intake that Joe Rogan takes? Not every day. I have been taking peptides five days a week. I really like peptides.

I really like BPC-157 and some other stuff that I take. It's great for recovery from injuries. It increases your body's ability to produce growth hormone. Sauna helps a lot too. I do the sauna before I go to bed. No tests. I have much deeper sleep. I do tests every three days.

I take a small shot of tests every three days. So I have a friend. And you do it in the fat. So I have a friend. He put a test tablet in his ass. Some people do that. They have a thing where it's a slow leak. What do you think of that? I've never done it, nor have I talked to anybody who's done have like a thing where it's a slow leak. What do you think of that?

I've never done it nor have I talked to anybody who's done it but I know it's a thing. My friend did it. He's got a test tablet in his ass and he said

when you decide to do that you're in because it's six months of just dropping tests through your ass crease. That's so weird. Right? Seems like I'd rather

just inject it. But you gotta take a pill to prevent baldness. You gotta take a pill but but you gotta take you gotta take a pill to prevent baldness you gotta take a pill to prevent tits yeah you gotta take a pill to prevent blood clots it seems like a lot you don't have to take a pill to prevent blood clots unless you're you have some sort of high blood pressure medication or some sort of issue with your i mean it's not a normal thing to like to take a pill to prevent blood blood clots it's not like something a lot of people take i'm on high blood pressure medicine, Losartan.

Is that a blood clot issue, though? No, I think I've always had high blood. I had high blood pressure and high cholesterol when I was 12. But if someone is taking a pill to prevent blood clots, I mean, I'm not a doctor, right? But that seems unusual, right? Seems unusual. A pill to prevent blood clots, like what would that be for?

Like what's the disease? Is there a disease specifically? For blood clots? That causes blood clots? There's got to be a disease? Is there a disease specifically? For blood clots? That causes blood clots? There's got to be a disease. Is there a condition that causes blood clots? But you think that I got to get my blood drawn. I got to get on something.

Well, you should definitely find out. Instead of saying I got to get on something, find out where all your levels are at. Right. So that's an easy fix. They go, they do blood work, they do a comprehensive panel, all the nutrients, all your hormone levels, everything. And so then you can say, oh, you're low in vitamin D or you're low in zinc or you're low in DHEA, whatever it is. There's a bunch of different things. Got to be something I'm low in.

I'm sure. I'm sure there's a balance that could be achieved. Do you take vitamins? I do the athletic greens. Is that enough? On an empty stomach, which I heard does not break your fast. I take those on an empty stomach at 8 a.m. with a shot of apple cider vinegar, and it says it does not break your fast because anything over 30 calories breaks your fast,

according to the Zero Fasting app, and this is 30 on the dot. There you go. What do you think? I say don't sweat it. Just take it. It can only be good for you. Dude, we gotta hang out more. Okay. You ever have a comedian sleep over your house? Not anymore.

Right? What about a sleepover? What about a comic sleepover? A comic sleepover, maybe we get a big suite at a hotel somewhere. Maybe that's our thing. Maybe you got to protect the parks for the other guys do a show but we do Chrissy sleepovers

with me and Joe Rogan do a show somewhere yeah and then we conduct a sleepover we do fucking we do s'mores we do tests we do

we do the bath salts we play Uno we play Uno that's our thing yeah let those guys have that we got the sleepovers what do you think of that Jamie

Jamie needs a vacation Chris I love you. This is a lot of fun. This is a lot of fun. Chris DiStefano, Right Intention, Wrong Move Tour, ChrisDComedy.com, you're all over the place. Look at you.

Fort Myers, Orlando, Jacksonville, Boston, West Palm, Miami, Tampa, Austin, Texas, April 2nd, April 12th, April 12th, and April 13th, West Palm, Miami, Tampa, Austin, Texas, April 2nd. April 12th. San Antonio. Oh, excuse me. April 12th. And April 13th, San Antonio.

May 5th, Buffalo. And then Radio City Music Hall, September 22nd. And Instagram is Christy Comedy. Christy Comedy. And I got my show on Vice TV, Super Maximum Retro Show. Today was a lot of fun. Thank you. I really enjoyed it.

Joe, thank you so much. I'm sleeping over. My was a lot of fun. Thank you. I really enjoyed it. Joe, thank you so much. I'm sleeping over. My pleasure, brother. Bye.