The Joe Rogan Experience - #1957 - Shane Gillis

Episode Date: March 17, 2023

Shane Gillis is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker. His special, "Shane Gillis: Live in Austin," is available via YouTube, and season two of "Gilly and Keeves," his sketch comedy series with John McKeever, is available now at www.gillyandkeeves.tv. www.shanemgillis.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Hey, what's up, Jay? What's going on, baby? Nothing, dude. It's been fun, huh? That was crazy. Yeah, last night was fucking awesome.

That was... I got allergies, dude. Do you hear my voice? Is that what's going scratchy? Is that the yeah? There's a lot like what is it cedar? Is this cedar time as soon as I got down here? I got crushed there's ragwood and cedar and a ragweed ragweed ragweed and cedar and a bunch of shit going on in this town I'm lucky. I don't get it. Really? Yeah, I don't get allergies. I get fucking destroyed, dude. My family gets it, though.

I had to wear, during COVID, I got like a lake house, like right when it was starting. It was, you know, it was March, April. So it was crazy. I had to wear fucking ski goggles when we were out on the boat. Dude, I was getting shit-faced wearing full ski. I looked fucking crazy. just because the pollen and shit fucking your eyes were i was they were shut i was like is this a side effect of covid oh no so you know it's the very beginning oh wow and that was back when every symptom was covid

so i googled it i was like is pink eye're like, you know, we sampled 10 fucking Chinese guys. Yes. I was like, fuck. I'm dying. Yeah. We were, like, scared to go to the grocery store. Really? Yeah.

It was the very beginning. So I was in Key West when it started. So I was like, fuck it. I'll just get Airbnbs and work my way back up to New York. Really? Yeah, it was awesome. So you were working in Key West? Yeah.

Were you doing that little club? Yeah. I heard that club's great. Perfect. Yeah? Yeah, it's a little room, and it's Key West. What are those people like down there? Those are like checked out, flip-flop wearing.

Drunk ladies. Like you say, dick. They're like, yeah. Try to do one smart joke. They're like, yeah. Try to do one smart joke. They're like, what? What did you just say? They're not here to think. They don't understand the nuance.

We're here to drink margaritas. Like in the George Washington bit, I'm like, slavery. They're like, yeah. Oh, no. That would be hell. Would be hell. Would be stuck around people that you could never have a smart conversation with. That would be hell. Would be hell would be stuck around people that you could never have a smart conversation with. That would be hell.

Yeah. You know, there's some people like, you know, like those people you have a conversation, you start a conversation, you go, oh, this is like level two forever. Yeah. We're at level two forever. We're never getting to level 10. I hate when someone makes a point that you're like, yeah. You know what I mean? Like when someone, yeah, they're like,

here's what I've been thinking lately. Oh, no. And it's like, dude, yeah, I thought of that in eighth grade. What are you talking about? It's like, maybe God's not real. It's like, yeah, yeah. I confronted that in sixth grade. It's just the reality of people in their brains

is just like the reality of people in their eyesight and people in their hearing and people in their brains is just like the reality of people in their eyesight and people in their hearing and people in their height and people in their nose length. It fucking varies wildly. Speaking of nose length, did I show you my 23andMe? You did. That fucked me up

last night. We were at dinner and I was like, dude, look at my 23andMe results. You're like, yeah, you showed me yesterday. You're really proud of that. It's fucking weird. And I was just like, fuck. It is weird. It's just 100% Irish.

Yeah. It was, yeah, it was. Fitzsimmons has that, too. He's 100%? 100%. He's all in. I couldn't believe it. Yeah.

I thought it was something. It looks pretty. You look, yeah. No, it's obvious. Yeah. It's a potato face. It's a lot. Got rid of the mustache, dude. Yeah. I thought it would be something. I look at you, it looks pretty. No, it's obvious. Yeah. It's a potato face. It's a lot. Got rid of the mustache, dude.

Now you can see I don't have lips. I'm interested. What was the choice behind that? I don't know. It was gross. Really? My chin hairs were fucking disgusting. Really?

Yeah. Like long pubic. Was it getting scraggly? Yeah. Do you wish you had the mustache still, though? No, if I go. It feels like you're kind of halfway growing it back. If I go just mustache, it's rough looking.

You're a cop. Yeah, because I got the jowls. You're a corrupt cop. Yeah. With like child porn on your computer. Whoa. Yeah. If a guy, that look.

Snake porn. That look. Snake porn. He showed me a fucking guy yesterday that's having sex with a snake. I'm like, what? Shout out my friend Billy. And then he shows it to all of us while we're eating dinner. And then the waiter kept walking by.

Yeah, he did that on purpose. Yeah, that was like a bit. 100%. Because it's like he lingered, and then when the phone came back out, then he came back in. It was the bus boy. Which is a pretty funny rumor for him to have about you. What, that my friend watched people fuck snakes? I waited on Joe Rogan.

Yeah. He's watching snake porn and eating snakes. Yeah, he's going to blame me. Yeah, definitely. He's going to blame me for you. Yeah, you're into snake porn. He had this giant dude that's 100% Irish. Just watching guys fuck snakes.

Some guy with no lips. Just kept showing him fucking snake porn. He had this giant dude that's 100% Irish. Just watching guys fuck snakes. Some guy with no lips just kept showing him fucking snake porn. Guy looks like he should have a mustache, but he doesn't. Yeah, it was as soon as I got done shaving, I was like, fuck. That snake thing is wild. Yeah, it was a tough one. The guy was actually fucking, not like mouth

fucking a snake, but fucking the snake vagina or whatever they have. It was horrendous. Oh. I probably shouldn't even be talking about it. I had no idea that that could even be done. Guys out there testing limits. Yeah.

It didn't seem like the snake was trying to get away. Yeah, probably not. It's a pretty big snake. I feel like the snake could have got him if it wanted to. The snake was down there, too. Yeah. The snake was also, yeah, whatever. God damn.

The snake was kind of getting into it yeah it's a bad but we were talking about it was like how illegal is that like it's not like child porn illegal but it's got its bestiality which is i don't think it is illegal but is it illegal federally is it illegal to show your friends i don't know i mean is it illegal federally? Is it illegal to show your friends? I don't know. I mean, is it illegal everywhere? Like, what are the rules for, like, fucking snakes? I mean, fucking snakes. I mean, who cares?

Who cares? Chop their heads off. No one gives a shit. Like, if you find a snake outside, you can just chop its head off. Yeah. Then we'll get some mad. But if you kill a raccoon, people get pissed at you. Yeah, but if you fuck a... Yeah.

Any... Well, since the 50s, it says it's been illegal. To fuck snakes? Any... Specifically? Any animal. Any animal? Unnatural carnal copulation.

Interesting. That's a good law. Un-na-tural. It's a good law. Carnal copulation. It's a good law. Mm. It's a funny way to dance around and just be like, what are you, fucking snakes?

It's illegal in four states. It's illegal in four states? No, legal. Oh, what states? Well, it used to be legal in Washington State. Hawaii, Wyoming. Hawaii. Mexico, West Virginia.

Hawaii, Wyoming, New Mexico, and West Virginia. West Virginia is still getting after it. It used to be Washington State up until that documentary, Zoo. Do you know about that documentary? No. I'm new to the bestiality game. There's a guy named, they called him Mr. Hands. Oh, yes. Yeah.

Mr. Hands got fucked to death by a horse. So they made a documentary about it called Zoo. And that documentary is pretty interesting. And it got very popular. I want to say this is around the early 2000s, right? Yeah. Yeah. And if you haven't seen it, you could just go Google Mr. Hands horse.

You'll find it somewhere. Good Lord. You'll find it somewhere. It's a tough one to watch, dude. It's tough. When it gets in there. You're like, how? You're like, how?

Like, where is it going? Also, where did you think? What did you think was going to happen? Well, he'd been fucked multiple times by that horse. That was. Him and the horse. That apparently the video was not the one that killed him. It was another one that killed him. That video was a successful. That was a horse. That apparently, the video, was not the one that killed him. It was another one that killed him.

That video was a successful... That was a success. Yeah. It got done. Yeah, they got a gun. The horse just jizzes immediately, too. Like... Good God.

All right. The best part is the guy... We gotta stop. The guy who guides the horse dick into his butt, the guy goes, too much? Yes. When the guy makes the noise like Too much fuck do you think how is he a magician like how is he making that dick disappear in his body? What a way there's not enough room in his body Oh, yeah, perforated his colon and just ruptured his innards and bled out from the inside and Then once they brought him to the hospital, the cops were like,

what the fuck happened? What the fuck's going on? Like, oh, you know, stuff, like, playing around. I don't know. Yeah, it's a tough one. It's a tough one. It's a tough way to go. Yeah, but also, like, there was hundreds of hours of footage.

It's pretty sad. Thinking of, like, his mother, you know, she gave birth holding that. Yes. Just being like, someday this guy's going to die from getting fucked by a horse. I bet she didn't think that. No one saw this coming. Someday he's going to be the president. Yeah, this guy's going to be the president.

Instead he's getting butt-fucked by a horse. I think he was a software engineer or something. Engineer, worked for Boeing. Yeah. He worked for Boeing? Yeah. So he was a very smart guy who just had a strange kink. Kinks are fucking weird.

Yeah, I don't have any. I'm so lucky. Yeah. Can you imagine if you just wanted to wear women's shoes and get fucked in the butt? That's just your thing. But you're straight. I'm straight, but I just got this thing, you know? Yeah, thank God I don't have it.

Thank God. Unless I probably do. I just don't. I'm not even trying. Well, they say a lot of them, they're imprinted on your early adolescence. Yeah. Like as your body is becoming sexual. Nothing weird happened to me.

Luckily. Thank God. I dodged two molestation attempts. Really? Yeah. Two. What'd you dodge? Well, I dodged one of them when I was, I probably was like seven or eight years old. That was the scare. Well, they were both pretty scary, But that was the scarier one because I was at the library and I was by myself. You know, I was a latch kid. They just my parents just let me out of the house, which, you know, at the time was kind of normal. In retrospect, like thinking about it now, I couldn't imagine letting my seven year old just fucking wander around. Not just that, but walk to the public library, you know, in San Francisco. around not just that but walk to the public library you know in san francisco and uh this guy um i was looking at you know i was always into like um horror movies and monster movies and shit and so i was reading these books in this they had a section of like you know monster books

yeah and this guy came up to me and he goes uh do you like monster books i go yeah and he goes oh i have some monster books in my car you want to see them no okay like i didn't know any better i was yeah fucking eight years old or whatever it was and as i'm leaving with this guy the um librarian starts screaming joseph you get away from that man you know like that man just got out of jail and she, she yells at him to get out of there. And the guy runs away and I just started crying and I was like, Whoa. So I dodged that bullet. And then another time when I was 13, when I was 13, we were hanging around this lake in Jamaica Plain.

It was this like Jamaica pond was this place we would go and fish. And there was another pond that was like this neighboring pond that was like slightly smaller. And this guy was always like running around the lake. He was jogging. And me and my friend Josh would be hanging out. This guy would come over and talk to us. You know, he seemed like a super normal guy. He used to be a teacher and he had retired and

you know look he probably was like in his 60s and one day it's just me he went for it one day it's just me and uh i'm i'm fishing and he comes by and he's drunk damn and uh he tells me he loves me. And I'm like, I'm like super confused. How old were you? 13. And I had been talking to this guy on and off. I had seen him, you know, for months. Like you'd come by, say hi. It was always like casual, very good humored, very friendly.

But he was like setting us up. And he comes by and then I realized after, tells me he loves me but there can be no love without sex that's what he says and i'm like what and i had a knife so i remember like i grabbed i grabbed my knife in my pocket and i had my hand on my knife and i was like oh my god i'm gonna have to stab this guy damn yeah i was like this is gonna because there was no one around there was no one around it was just trees and you were 13 you were like i'm gonna have to stab oh i was gonna cut this guy i would i'm not i would have trusted the guy i'd have been like yeah you're right you're smarter than me i'll see you later i don't know what it was dangerous we had a guy go for us there was a guy that used to linger. Hilarious, dude.

He was mentally challenged, but he would always hang out around my high school. And he would go to all the basketball games. One day, we had a tape recorder for the national anthem to play at the beginning of games. They would just hold a mic next to a tape recorder. It broke. So the mentally handicapped guy stood up and started singing. And the whole fucking gym was like. They started listening.

Everybody just listened to the guy sing the National Anthem. Oh, my God. Did he get all the words right? I don't remember. I doubt it. I doubt it. I think he was freestyling a little. And the Rockets would play. But no, he would try to get you.

He would go to games. But he was like. Again, it wasn't that long ago. It was long enough that people were like, no, he would try to get you. He would go to games. But he was like, again, it wasn't that long ago. It was long enough that people were like, yeah, he's weird. That old thing. We're like, yeah, there's a town pedophile, but he's a weird guy. Yeah. So he would be like, you guys want to play football?

And we were little kids at the high school football game playing touch football. And he was like, you guys want to come out to my car? I have Nerf balls. And we were all like, no, dude, stop trying to fuck us. We knew what he was like you guys want to come out to my car i have nerf balls and we were all like no dude stop trying to fuck us like we knew what he was doing he just he was like all right see you guys did he get away with it with anybody probably if you get the mentally handicapped guy tricks you into getting into his car balls i got nerf balls That's how he gets you and we're just fully like nobody would ever like take your Advice again. No like bro. Yeah, right by that fucking Got right by an idiot Yeah, but just even in like fifth sixth grade we were like no

Every neighborhood has a guy. Yeah, I didn't even realize the other guy we had two guys the other guy was his He had a tricycle with his name on the license plate like a fake license plate on the front of his tribe It was a sick tricycle, but he would come around and he would just he would speak gibberish But every once in a while get kind of sexual like he would come over and just be like, do you like pancakes? We're like, yeah, dude, we love pancakes. And he's like, do you ever put syrup on your pancakes? Like, yeah. He's like, you ever put syrup down your pants?

You ever rub syrup all over your pants? Dude, stop, stop. They just keep tricycling, dude. Jesus Christ. I don't know if they ever actually got anyone. Sometimes it just doesn't work and they just keep swinging. They just keep swinging. Forever.

Fuck it, dude. They're fucking... It was always on to catch Predator. They would always catch a mentally handicapped guy. It was always a part of me like... Yeah. Come on. Obviously, you got to get them.

Everyone was off on that show. Yeah. Do you think you could do that show today? It's back on. Or he's doing it again. Really? Chris Hansen does it again. We might have talked about this before, but I love when they get fucking Indian dudes. Why Indian dudes?

Because they're just like, yeah. They're from India. You know what I mean? Oh, in India you're allowed to do that? Are you aware there's a 13-year-old girl who's like, yeah, get the fuck out of here. I'm trying to fuck this kid. Really? Yeah, they get foreigners all the time that are just like, I didn't know.

The Jews have laws. Yeah. Really? I feel like that's pretty. So what are the laws in India? I don't want to besmirch India, but. Too late. Probably.

I think if you're from rural India, you can fuck whoever's out there. Really? Well, I mean, think... Jamie. In the United States, there's parts of the United States where the age of consent was very low up until recently. Yeah. Like, isn't it

still, like, 16 in some states? I'm sure. I'm sure, like, especially states that are very religious. How the fuck is that not like a federal thing? Yeah. You know? Yeah. The religious states, I think.

Yeah. It's like you get married when you're 13. Mm-hmm. I don't know. Yeah. Mormons? What's Utah doing? There was one where if someone had sex, the age of consent for boy and girl was different than boy-boy.

And the reason for that is that's where the Catholic Church had moved a bunch of its priests. Damn. Yeah. I mean, I read that story. I want to say it's New Mexico. I want to say it was New Mexico. I think they fixed that. I might have just spread a bunch of misinformation.

Fuck it. If that's true. I was reading the India thing first. What's going on? Let's go with India first, and then we'll go with the... Yeah. We're covering all the bases. I don't know the answer to this. I'm just giving you what I found.

Why is consensual teen sex a crime in India? Oh. For teens to have sex with each other, though. Okay. All right. Well, they changed the law a decade ago to make it tougher on cases of child sexual abuse. Oh. Okay.

So it criminalizes all sexual activity by children under 18. Interesting. Many adolescent boys in consenting relationships are finding themselves on the wrong side of the law. Interesting. That's a bummer. Interesting. That's why those guys are so fucking horny. You ever see them online?

Are they? Yeah, they'll fire up. Indian guys? Indian dudes will hit you in the comments. Show bobs? Show vagina? Need bobs? Show bobs? I love you. Show my bobs? Yeah, it'll fire it up. Indian guys? Indian dudes will hit you in the comments. Show bobs? Show vagina? Need bobs? Show bobs?

I love you. Show my bobs? Yeah, bobs. What? They misspell boobs. They say, show bobs, queen. Marry me. Show bobs.

Really? Yeah, every hot chicks picture is followed by a thousand Indian dudes. There's a billion people in India, but they don't have the same problem that China has. China has that weird problem where there's way more people in India, but they don't have the same problem that China has like China has that weird problem Where there's way more guys than there are girls. That's crazy Yeah, they fucked up the fact that they didn't see the math on that that one child policy I think they'd be pretty good at that the math. I would think isn't that like I think No, I don't know anything about that

Isn't that like a thing? I don't know. I don't know anything about that. I think that. It's like, how the fuck did they not see where that was going to be a disaster in the future? Like, there's a whole generation of guys that have no girls. It's like, what are you going to do? There's no girls. They're going to get aggressive.

What the fuck are they going to do? Damn. Yeah. Not good. Whack off the cartoons. Because even in this country where it's 50-50, basically, do you know that like 64% of men are single and only 34% of women are single? How?

How's that? How does that even work? Wait, 64% of men are single? Yeah, see if we can find the numbers. But I think it's men of a certain age. You know what it is? It's just men fucking chicks that are like, we're not dating. And women are like, no, we're in a relationship.

You know how it is. I think it's a little of that. You're a fucking girl and she's like, what are we? Yeah, right. What have you been telling people we are? What the fuck are you talking about? We're nothing. Can't I just use you, please?

Can't we just use each other? Yeah. Like the Bill Withers song? Unfortunately, I'm not a guy that, yeah. They want to date me. I'm not a guy that I just want to fuck. You don't get used? I'm not like a hot guy.

You wish you were used? I don't know. Do you? Occasionally, back in the day, that was the best thing. Getting used? Yeah. Yeah. If you had a gal that just wanted to fuck.

That's pretty neat. Oh, my God. Especially if you weren't into anything else. The reality is sometimes you're attracted to someone that you're not compatible with. Yeah. But they're hot. Yeah. So you're attracted to them sexually.

Yeah. with yeah but they're hot so you just you're attracted to them sexually yeah but the problem is usually that one person is into the other person more than you know there's like psychological elements to it that become a problem certainly yeah and if the guy is the one using the girl he's a piece of shit but if the girl's the one using the guy. Yeah, great. Way to go. Yeah, she's a boss. We did flip that. Adults between 18 and 29 who say they're single. Yeah, this is it.

So that's 51% of men in 2019. What? Sorry. 51% of men in 2019. And by the time it got to 2022, it's 63%. So the pandemic kicked it up 12%. But the women stayed the same and just slightly more. More who say they're single.

So 34% versus 32% for women. But the men went up 12 fucking percent. But I think what they're saying is these women during the pandemic started dating older guys. So when the jobs went away and everything went south, they shacked up with some dudes with money. All right. Probably. That's fair. I mean, wouldn't that make sense?

Like, look at 18 to 29 for men. 63% are single. That's pretty wild. But age 65 plus. 18 to 29? Yeah. And you look at 65 plus, 25% are single That's pretty wild But age 65 plus 18 to 29 Yeah and you look at 65 plus 25% are single 50 to 64

28% are single 30 to 49 25% are single So that's what it is It's the 18 to 29 guys 20 at 65 plus There's more women Because all the men are dead

Whoa Yeah It's not a 40% are single That's's where it turns. Dudes are croaking Yeah, look as soon as it hits 50 the women start to move forward Yeah, cuz dudes start dropping dead of heart attacks working 90 hours a week And just coming home and just hating their life It's gotta feel good though what to? When you're like, oh, here it is. Oh, fuck, this hurts.

It hurts way more than I thought. That's a wrap. Yeah. Call it a day. I don't know, man. It's the whole fucking finding the compatible person thing. Jesus Christ. I can't imagine it.

No. Especially now. Especially today. Social media That hurts dude You can look it up Start talking to a girl You scroll back

You're like god damn She's got a lot of boyfriends You know See the Digital flip The puss print They have so many options Yeah

A hot girl Who's online Like if you If you Are Going back and forth With a hot girl If you're a young guy now You're a 30 year-year-old guy now, and there's another girl, and she's 30 also.

Yeah. And you go to her Instagram, she goes, wow, she's really pretty. 284,000 followers. I'm out. It's over. Oh, Jesus Christ. And then you look in the likes and the comments. It's all fire and hearts.

God damn it. Drake liked it? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Yeah, totally. It's all rappers in there and athletes. Black people. Fucking rock stars.

Everybody's just slinging dick. Everybody's just slinging dick. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough time. It is a tough time. They'll be all right. You don't think they're going to be all right?

No, it's going to lead people to have sex with robots. That's coming. It's going to be tight. Yeah. I think you're going to go over a dude's house, and he's going to have a robot lead. You're going to leave it out. You're going to go, oh. My buddy left his flashlight in the shower when we lived together.

Nice. That was tough. I was like, dude, clean that up. And he came out with it dripping on the floor. No, That was tough. And I was like, dude, clean that up. And he came out with it dripping on the floor. No, he didn't. He was like, what, this? I was like, dude. After he washed it or after he

juiced it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was water dripping, but still. You know, that was our first sponsor. Juice water. Flashlights? Yeah. You ever use one? Oh, yeah. That was our sponsor. It's too powerful, dude. It's too powerful. I had to throw mine out. You don't want that in your life. In a dumpster. You don't want that in your life. I couldn yeah. That was our sponsor. They're pretty good. It's too powerful. I'd have to throw mine out. You don't want that in your life. In a dumpster.

You don't want that in your life. I couldn't put it in our trash. It's too good. I know I'd fish it out. If you can't get laid, though, it's as close to the physical feeling of a warm vagina touching your dick. I think it's better. Some guys would soak them in hot water.

Yeah. They'd warm them up. Warm them up. Fired up, dude. Get it to like 95 degrees. It feels like human contact. Yeah. Especially when I had mine.

I was in a rough spot. Were you? In my life, yeah. I was in West Philly. I was in a, the room I had in my apartment was like, it jutted out of the back of the apartment. So it was freezing cold. Oh no.

It was the coldest room. I had a mattress on the floor. It was like a homeless person's room. Well, I guess that's not, you know. You know what I mean. Right. Like a crackhead. It's pretty close to a homeless person.

And I was fucking a fleshlight in there. Wow. It was a low point. Yeah, but look at you now. 10 million views on YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the only difference. Successful podcast. Just four YouTube views. Killing it on the only difference. Successful podcast.

Just four YouTube views. Killing it on the road. Come on, man. That's the beauty of it. You want to get one for the road? For the road would be nice. Get one of those ones that looks like a beer can. Because they make them like beer.

Making them fun? Yeah, they make them like beer. Oh, you mean like to disguise it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We had a bunch of them. Because they were them like oh you mean like to disguise it yeah yeah yeah yeah we had a a bunch of them because they were our first sponsor yeah like that's how we started on it do you know that no yeah on it got that fleshlight money on it no on it was started with aubrey who was the ceo of

the fleshlight and me like i don't even maybe it wasn't a ceo of the Fleshlight and me. Like, I don't even think, maybe he wasn't a CEO of the Fleshlight. Maybe he was, like, marketing director or something. So it's like his family owned the company, the Fleshlight company. The Fleshlight. Yeah, and so he reached out and said, do you guys want to have a sponsor on your podcast? We didn't have any sponsors. The podcast in the beginning, the idea that this is a big business is so hilarious

because in the beginning, it was just so ridiculous, like how it was run. We just fucked around. We just would go online and fuck around. But as it started to grow, he was the first guy that said, hey, you guys should have a sponsor. So he had a meeting with us, and he told us about the flashlight. I'm like, that's hilarious. Hell yeah. Did you get a free sample?

Oh, we got boxes of them. You still got those boxes? So those are the ones that look like beer. Yeah, it looks like a craft beer or something. A Doyle's is a blood hole? Well, I think you can get whatever you want. Neither can. That's wild, dude.

So that was our first sponsor. And then Aubrey and I started talking about doing other stuff. And he said, like, if you were into supplements, what are you into? And I told him that I got really into nootropics because of this product called Neuro One that Bill Romanowski came up with, the football player. Yeah, I know Bill Romanowski. Yeah, his issues were with memory after all those fucking concussions. Spitting in dudes' faces. He was wild.

He's an animal, man. He was wild. Those guys are animals. I had Derek Wolf on. I saw that that did you see what he's talking about like when he walked into the arena what he wanted to do to everyone that he saw no he's like i didn't get to that he goes i want to fucking murder all of you just smash you and kill you he's walking through the crowd thinking that he just really wants to just run into the crowd and start smashing people thinking that he just really wants to just run into the crowd and start smashing people. Dude, he's a monster.

I love what you're saying. I mean, he didn't do anything. He's a nice guy, but those Viking instincts run deep, son. There's a dude who plays for the Bills. I was hanging out with a bunch of those guys. I did a show in Buffalo, and then we went out. And his name's Spencer Brown. He's a right tackle. I was on mushrooms.

I went, did I tell you this? No. Dude, this was like the greatest night of my life. All right, hold on. This was the best night I've ever had. So went did I tell you this no dude. This was like the greatest night of my life This is the best night I've ever had so I did a show in Buffalo then the next night It was it was Sunday on Sunday. We went to the game. Oh, I told you this would Gabe Davis gave me his jersey I look like a Down syndrome guy But that night we went out to Fucking Dave and Buster's I I took a ton of mushrooms.

Way more than I thought I took. I was fucked up. But then, it's like all the cool black dudes on the team were like hanging out, being cool. And then it was just me and like a white O-lineman,

Spencer Brown, who's like 6'9". And I was just so high. I was like, dude, this is a Viking. This is an actual Viking. Yeah. Thank God we live today. Thank God. we're not watching him play fucking video games

yeah arcade games you got to give people like that some kind of distraction if that guy got into a town back in it it'd just be over that's what it was man it's over if you look at those guys in Iceland you know those all those strong men dudes that come from Iceland where do you think that comes from? Freaks, dude. Those are the freaks that were dominating the world back when people just had axes. A boat of those guys. Dude, until people figured out guns.

Thank God. Thank God they figured out guns. Just a boat of those dudes. Can you imagine how rough the world would be? Yo, Spencer Brown. 6'8", 3'11". What the fuck? I was watching him play play like fucking video games. It's ridiculous mushrooms watching a six eight dude Play dude. Yeah

that that that Gene line of those strong men of those guys like Derek wolf There's gigantic like Thor the Game of Thrones guy the mountain Game of Thrones like that's a gene line of like the people conquered the world with axes that's what that is it's so nuts that that wasn't that long ago yeah that's what's really crazy right like at any point in time in the world in any one moment things can break out that are real similar to the way life was during the viking days it just doesn't happen very often you know it breaks off less and less and less over time but it's still there in us and if it wasn't for football and the ufc and pro boxing and like all those sports are like, it's like a bridge to civility.

It's like a bridge to a peaceful civilization. Yeah. Especially martial arts, like a bridge to a peaceful civilization because you allow these people that have this fucking thing inside them to express themselves in a legal way. Yeah. And they're rewarded for it hugely yeah and you get to scream you're like yeah i'm gonna kill him yeah i mean you think of some of the shit that

like hamza chamayev says after his fights i fucking kill them all i kill them all like bro when you're interviewing him, it's a wild ride. Yeah, we were talking about that last night at dinner. I was like, dude, what's your favorite interviews? Yeah, I think Derek Lewis is always going to be my favorite just because it was so fucking hilarious. Dude just took his shorts off. He's the coolest, man.

His fucking – He's the coolest. The other one, though, not the balls are hot, the fucking him beating the Russian up and being like, I talked to Donald Trump last night. Oh, yeah, that was the other one. I I got to take care of this fucking Russian for you. Back in the day, Chael Sonnen was the best guy to interview. Chael Sonnen would put on a show.

I get Chael Sonnen clips constantly. He's a smart dude, man. And back in the day when he was the first guy to really figure out pro wrestling style promotion with like legit fight skills. I mean, he almost beat Anderson Silva. He almost won that fight. If he didn't get caught in that triangle in the last round, he would have won that fight. And it was a grueling fucking fight.

And he just kept taking Anderson down. And he beat the shit out of Nate Marquardt when Nate Marquardt was in his prime like he was a real fighter he just was not John Jones there's like there's like levels even to savages which is so crazy Chael's like a little smaller too like really shouldn't have been fighting the guys that were in that Jon Jones, range 205. I mean, Jon's cutting to get to 205. Chael's fighting at 185. Like, sketchy.

Like, Ed Anderson and him, they fought at 85. Jon is big, dude. He's big. He's big and long and strong as fuck. That's too big. Like, remember when Jon and him fought? It was a mauling. I don't. It was a horrific mauling he fought chael sonnen yeah john beat him up so bad that he broke his own toe pushing off

the ground smashing him like there was that was that pretty sure that's how he broke his toe he broke his toe for sure in that fight there was that crossover in the ufc where like dudes started like being, being athletes. Not saying Chael Sonnen wasn't an athlete, but you know what I mean? There was that, like, switchover phase. There definitely is a switchover phase, but I think with Chael, I really would attribute it more to he's been around during the greatest of the greats at 85. Like, Anderson Silva in his prime was one of the greatest of the greats. Anderson Silva, he gets left out of the GOAT competition

because after the Chris Weidman fight where he broke his leg, he had a bunch of fights where he didn't perform like the Anderson of old. So I think people forgot how good he was when he was in his prime. Who is in the GOAT conversation? Obviously Jon Jones. Jon Jones is number one now. Is Khabib? Yeah. Yeah, he's in there. He there he's undefeated you know barely lost a round in his entire career

you know he had one controversial fight with glace and t-bow back in the day but i think it was a fair decision but he dominated everybody at the top dominated everybody. And he did it with fucking just a ruthless intensity, fantastic wrestling. They couldn't stop him. Usman was. Yeah. Up until the Leon Edwards fight, I was telling everybody.

Up until one kick. I think Usman's the greatest welterweight of all time. If you look at like what he's done and who he did it to, you know, like, like the way he knocked out Jorge Masvidal, he started out as a wrestler. He started out as a wrestler. He started out as a wrestler.

And now all of a sudden he's flatlining people on the feet. And you're flatlining a skilled striker in Masvidal. Like, Masvidal, he's a slick guy on the feet. Yeah. That was a tough one, too. He's all sweaty, that fucking mist off that punch when he hit him. Yeah. I mean, when you think about the way Masvidal knocked out Ben Askren,

Masvidal knocked out Darren Till, like Masvidal's a scary guy. I wish that didn't happen with Askren. That was a rough one. I wish Ben got a chance to wrestle. That was a rough one. Yeah. That was a rough one. But that's how smart he is.

Like he knew Ben was going to shoot. His instincts were going to be there. You ever see the video of him training that very move. Yes That's a bummer When you look online fuck he knew he was gonna do that Bro, yeah, his knockout of Darren Till was brutal Fucking brutal. He's knocked out a lot of really good guys, man It's um

When you saw when Usman destroyed him I'm like wow he might have felt the the highest level of competition because he beats Tyron Woodley who was one of the best welterweights ever yeah he destroys Tyron right like runs right through him he's you know dominant fashion wins a five round decision there's no question at all he's the new champion then he beats colby covington who is about as good as it gets in that division other than usman colby's a fucking animal unbelievable cardio tough as fuck yeah and even though kamara broke his jaw like he was he was still there in the last round. He was upset when they stopped it.

Yeah. Did he break his jaw? I think he did. I want to be sure of that, though. He definitely fucked his mouth up. He dropped him, and he hit him with some really good shots. But Kobe was saying, even at the end, like, hey, I could have made it through that which is like that's how that's how tough that dude is he's undeniably tough so kamaro beats him and he beats him twice and he hurt him pretty fucking bad in the second fight and colby got to

see kind of like how good colby is and if kamaro's beating him like that and then Kamara was beating Leon Edwards for the most part yeah there it is he dropped him uh you got to remember he stopped Gilbert Burns you know Gilbert Burns is a fucking animal you saw the Gilbert Burns Hamzah Chemaez fight you know so Kamara stopped him I feel like you look at the caliber of the opponents that he's faced as a champion and how he's beaten them. I kind of put him up into the Leon Edwards fight. I kind of put him up there with everybody. God, that Leon kick. He might have been the best welterweight ever, but that Leon kick, man, that changed the world.

And then this weekend they're fighting again, which is so crazy, dude. Yeah. That fight's so intense. Where are they fighting? In England. Oh. Yeah. Leon.

Dude, that's going to be awesome, man. Leon's hometown, son. Yeah, he can sleep in his own bed and defend the world title in England. I, well, I don't want to make any predictions. I'm 0 for 1. What do you think? I said Cyril gone, John Jones. I was like, I think Cyril's going to win this thing.

10 seconds in, I was like, whoops. That wasn't a good bet. Here it is, man. One of the craziest... Look how beautiful that kick is, too. Look at that. Bro, just the sound of that shin to chin play that sound again the sound of shin to chin

but that is not the cloth from which he is cut I mean that is a dejected He is caught. I mean, that is a dejected. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

There it is. No! Oh, my gosh. Oh! Oh! Bro. I don't think he knew that was coming. Bro.

I don't think Leon knew that was coming. He set it up. What are you talking about? No, I mean, the whole time I saw the, but I think when he landed it, he was like, oh. Yeah. Oh, shit. Well, it just, it was perfect. And it was because he ducked to his right. You see the way right you see the way i saw him set it up a couple times left yeah i watched that fucking

there's a video of his trainer you see he's like come on yeah come on leon yeah it's like a rock yeah oh it's literally like a rocky movie yeah you've ever seen it where they put the Rocky music behind it? He's screaming at him, and then Leon goes up there and lands that kick. Yeah, I think he's in trouble. Fuck. Come on, we're going to pull back one now. It's one more. Come on.

Come on, Leon. Feet as well. When you're shouting feet, don't stand still. Come on. Don't make him bully you, Leon. Don't let him bully you Come on. Don't make him bully you, Leon! Don't let him bully you, son. Don't let him bully you, son. It's so nice, dude. Right here, this is where he's...

One more drink. Listen, stop feeling sorry for your f***er, but come on then! What's wrong with you? You're too f***ing down. You got to pull the f*** out of the fire. Come on, Leon, man. You got it, man.

Come on. You got this. Shut up, shoot him. The crush is gone. Come on, Leon. Let's go. You had him, man. Can you do it again?

That's great. Come on, f***. This weekend's going to be wild. Kamaru Usman seems very intense. Yeah, no shit. I'm watching all the UFC shows that they do. You know, they do all the boxing and stuff. It's like, fuck, man. He's intense.

He's going to want this. Yeah, he's intense. This is going to be a wild one. I think this is going to be a wild one. I think this is going to be a wild one. I think Kamaru is going to be very aggressive. I think in his eyes, he won 24 minutes of that fight. He did? Not really.

Oh, really? No, he got taken down in the first round, and he got mounted. And he got his back taken. Leon was the first guy to ever take him down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't remember that. Leon took him down. Yeah, yeah.

Leon took him down in the first round. Because I was cheering for Leon. I remember even while with the bias of cheering for him, I was like, fuck, there's no chance he wins this. Well, when they first fought, Leon was not really much into grappling. He was like an expert striker. And Kamaru was such a good wrestler. He just kept taking him down. He beat him by decision.

And Kamaru was such a good wrestler. He just kept taking him down. Beat him by decision. But in this fight, it definitely showed a big leap in Leon's grappling ability. So Leon got him with a trip here. Look at this. Oh, wow. And got on top of him.

Full mount. Round one? Yeah. Round one. And if you watch that, Kamaru has a bad knee. He has bad knees, period. But if you watch that, the way he goes down, watch the way he goes down. It's very bad.

Watch his right knee. Yeah, not good at all. Not good. Like that, the pressure that's on that thing as he's going down, like from there, watch it from there. Look at that right there. I mean, that is a lot of pressure on that knee. The way his foot mean that is a lot of pressure on that knee the way his foot is planted a lot of pressure do you see that John from

that Chael Sonnen fight he's always has to tape his toes because his toe broke and flipped around it was this toe the bottom of his toe was facing upward and we didn't realize it until I was talking to him we were in the octagon and I'm interviewing him after he beat Chael Sonnen. And he looked down. He's like, Oh my God, my toe. And then we looked and we were like,

Oh, okay. And so John's toe. So that was just from him. That's the strength of him pushing off while he's smashing. Just smashing. It was a brutal fight, man. Oh, fuck.

It was a brutal fight. I mean, John beat the ever-loving shit out of Chael Sonnen in this fight. It was absolutely brutal. I know, isn't that nasty? Of course, and the snake. So now, to this day, he has to tape his toes up There was actually a controversy At the last fight

How foot stomp him Well I think When you rip it And flip it over like that I think I don't know what they would have to do To get it to be stable again I think it's probably a little

Yeah It's a little weak Because it's such a catastrophic injury If your toe flip all the way around I was going to ask you Who he's going to kill next Because it's such a catastrophic injury. If your toe flip all the way around like that. I was going to ask you who he's going to kill next, but it's Stipe. Yeah. Stipe and him are going to fight. That's going to be a different fight.

But I remember. Stipe has way better wrestling than Cyril Ghosn. Stipe's got a shit ton of experience. I remember thinking Stipe was going to die when he fought Ngannou the first time. When he beat Ngannou. Yeah, that was pretty wild. I mean, that showed how durable he is. He just survived that.

Yeah. That showed how durable he is. But there's other fights that show, like, you can't sleep on Stipe's stand-up skills. Like, Stipe's a very good boxer. Very good striker. Remember when he fought DC and he kept ripping him with that left hook to the body? Yeah. Like, he hit him with a couple of those, and then DC was fucked.

That was one of those where I was watching it. It's like when you're playing a video game and you don't know how to block the body. He doesn't know how. He just keeps doing it. He can't stop it. Well, he just did it very skillfully, man. I'm telling you. Stipe, like, he would show you the jab and then dig under.

And he did it multiple times. Like, he just keeps it. That's also, that's the side of the liver. When you get hit on the liver, dude, it is a horrible feeling. Like, your whole body just, it's like you get electrically shocked. It's like. Yeah, look at that over and over again. I just kept digging to his body.

Oh. over and over again. I just kept digging to his body. So the thing is, it's like, Stipe is not Cyril Ghosn. Stipe is the most successful UFC heavyweight champion ever. He defended the title more than anybody. Yeah. Yeah, and I know that Francis knocked him out in his last fight, so people just will dismiss. They'll say, oh, maybe he's washed up, or maybe these guys are better,

or maybe, but that fucking guy's been counted out from the beginning. I mean, he fought Fabricio Verdum in Brazil and flatlined him. That was when Fabricio was the fucking man. But Fabricio chased after Stipe, and Stipe just cracked him with the right hand and dropped him.

It's like an amazing... You ever see that fight? No. Watch this. Stipe Miocic knocking out Fabricio Verdum. So Fabricio... This is like in Brazil. I'm pretty sure it was in Brazil. But it was when Fabricio was the heavyweight champion. So Fabricio

had submitted Cain Velasquez. He became the UFC heavyweight champion. I gotta show you some football highlights. Okay. I'll get you some. Okay. All right. So watch this.

Watch this fight. Fabricio Verdum just got real aggressive and started coming after him. Boom. Watch this. What is he doing? Bro, how good is that? Why was he doing? Bro How good is that? Why was he doing that?

Because he thought he could get to him He thought he could get to him And he also He got stung there Oh he thought he was hurt He's just being very aggressive But Do you know how beautiful that is?

You know how skillful that is? Like just watch that one more time Just the slide back And then the punch That's so hard to do man Watch this Boom While he's moving away In full throttle Wide back and then the punch. That's so hard to do, man. Watch this. Boom. While he's moving away in full throttle, he uncorks a perfect right hand.

I mean, that motherfucker is an athlete. Look at that. So you can't sleep on that dude. Yeah, but he looks like a guy who's drunk at the beach. Well, he's probably drunk at the beach sometimes. He's got the shorts. He's got that back tattoo. Guy's a fucking animal.

Underrated. Hugely underrated. And also, one of the things I'm interested in is it seems like he put on some weight. He put on some mass,

which I think would probably be a good thing with these bigger heavyweights. You know, I think he tried to have more endurance and come in lighter

for Francis and try to tire Francis out. But in the second Francis fight, Francis fought like this very patient style. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is so dangerous. Well, he gassed on the first one, though. Yeah. Well, the first one, he just tried to knock him out.

Yeah. And the second one, he took his time, which was terrifying. You know, because all those shots that land, everyone that lands, like your power bar is just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Ghani was another one, dude. Can you imagine that guy? Getting wild on you? Jesus.

Running through a town. I'm so bummed that he left the UFC. I mean, I want that dude to make all the money. I want him to make all the money. Go make all that money in boxing. I'm happy for him, but I really wish that Jones and him fought because god damn that would be crazy that'd be fun

you can't zig when you should have zagged with Francis and Connor you can't make any mistakes man if that guy touches your chin you're in a world of shit you're in a world of shit he's a totally different thing his. He's a totally different thing.

His power makes it a totally different thing that you're doing. Because with some guys, you can make little mistakes. You get hit. You get shit. You move around. You get rocked a little. With him, it's just sleep. It's just bing.

It's like, oh, no. So that's in a lot of people's eyes. Your wife is holding your head. You're like, oh no. So that's in a lot of people's eyes. Your wife is holding your head. Yeah. Oh no. Like when a guy will fight someone that doesn't have like dangerous striking, there's like a noticeable, like relaxed sort of in the interactions. It's like, you know, you don't have to be too scared so you can get closer to them.

You could like avoid some shots. Yeah. But when someone has nuclear power like Francis, there's not a thing you can get closer to them. You could, like, avoid some shots. But when someone has nuclear power like Francis, there's not a thing you can do that doesn't put you in range of getting flatlined. And so you're always thinking about it. Look at that fucking uppercut, bro. Dude. What's your problem?

That fucking power is so preposterous. That fucking Overeem punch? Oof. The Overeem punch was insane. problem that fucking power is so preposterous that fucking overeating punch the overeating punch was insane but i mean he knocked out cain velasquez in the first round i mean i i just i fucking think he can knock out anybody man i think it's just a matter of whether or not he hits your chin i just think that power is just too extraordinary oh my god and he's become so skillful that was the thing that was really remarkable about the Stipe fight. Like, he fought very skillful. It wasn't just that he's explosive and powerful.

He was patient and just, you know, being very tactical, was attacking with leg kicks and that fucking power. Jesus. Look, if we're talking UFC, I'm excited for Adesanya. Oh, yeah, the rematch. It's going to be fun, dude. Yeah, it's very, very interesting. Very, very interesting.

Here's the interesting thing. What if Izzy's leg wasn't fucked up? What if... Izzy was winning that. What if Izzy... He was winning. He was winning on the scorecards. But what if Izzy prepared more to avoid that low calf kick?

Like, what if it became a more crucial part of his training, which is what we're going to probably see. Because the calf kick was a giant issue. He was saying that the foot got really fucked up, and he couldn't move right. And you could see it when I rewatched it. I was like, yeah, you could see it. And Pajero lands a bunch of, like, kicks that guy's in the first round dude he's a

motherfucker dude he's the scariest motherfucker you know the meanest thing ufc's done what is izzy was on the cover of the video game yeah they changed it for arizona wow yeah that's it's fucked up that's rude it's fucked up It's fucked up. Is he still the man? Yeah, obviously. Listen, Izzy almost had him out in the first round. The first round. The first round. With seconds to go, he lands that right hand.

Ba-bink. Like, right on the chin. Rocks him. And then there was a left hook that landed as well that was, like, on the bell. Like, at the bell. But Izzy's so important to the black anime culture. Black dorks finally have a fucking champion, dude. A dude who loves anime?

A guy who loves anime and can fucking love. And what courage. I love that he just decided to get right back in there. It's just not much time. That guy's cool. He might be the coolest guy. He's very cool. Very cool.

Who's the coolest guy? He might be the coolest. Might be him. Yeah, might be him. Pound for pound coolest UFC guy? Yeah, might be him. Who's cooler? Who could be cooler?

Connor. Yeah, Connor's pretty fucking cool. Connor's up there. He's very cool. Colby Covington. Listen, that's pretty fucking cool. Connor's up there. He's very cool. Colby Covington. Listen, that fucking guy's smart. What he did, I've talked to him. He's a very nice guy.

And he's real good friends with my friend Cam Haines. He's a very smart guy. And what was going on was that he was going to get cut from his fucking contract. And they were saying, dude, you're boring. You're just wrestling with people. Now I'm the MAGA guy. And so he goes over to Brazil and just starts talking mad shit. Beats up Damian Maia and talks mad shit.

Just talked mad shit. Too bad you got to do that. Well, you don't have to do it. Because, you know, there's guys who don't do it. You don't have to do it. I mean, Pereira doesn't do it. You don't have to do it. I mean, Perreira doesn't do it. You don't have to do it. Yeah, but you can be a freak.

You can be a scary freak and not talk. That's one method. Yeah. It's like everybody has their own way of approaching it, you know? And some guys, they approach it. Yeah, dude, I forget who it was. Who the fuck is that guy? Who the fuck is that guy? Who the fuck is that guy?

I'm the 155. Who the fuck is that guy? It's fucking amazing. Oh, no. It was amazing. I mean, he's so good on the mic. Conor's so good on the mic. But Chael Sonnen was the original.

That's what I was saying about that before. Yeah. what I was saying about that before. He was the first guy that brought a pro wrestling heel character to MMA with legit fighting skills. Yeah. He wasn't really a 205-er. His shit talk is hilarious. He was an elite 85-er, though. He was an elite 85-er.

And he was fucking great. Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck! I was like... That was early, too. fucking great. Anderson Silva, you absolutely suck! That was back, that was early too. It was amazing! That dude's drinking Mickey's. Yeah! Get him! It's hilarious. I got a good one,

a good highlight. Sean Taylor vs. Punter, Pro Bowl. Oh my God. This is a fun one. You want to see what happens when a normal human tries to run the ball in the NFL? Oh, no. It's pretty great. It's also the Pro Bowl where you're not supposed to kill people.

So you're not supposed to kill people in the Pro Bowl? It's like a touch. Look at this normal human trying to run. Oh, my God. Bro, that's like a car accident I'm celebrating like yeah fuck you bro he used himself as a human missile he's like a human missile John Taylor was you know this is that that's one of the things that John Jones says about his brother Chandler. He's like, he goes, I fucked around with his, he goes, I was grabbing his wrists while he was sitting down.

And he said, and Chandler basically lifted him up with his wrists. And he goes, I've never felt strength like that in my life. He's like, we're just lucky that guy's not fighting. Those football guys are terrifying. Terrifying. Those dudes that can hit. Even Mike Allstott highlights. Do you know Mike Allstott? No. Dude, he's a white man running the football.

It's our last great. Well, obviously Christian McCaffrey. Christian McCaffrey runs the ball. No, it was just Mike Allstott was just jacked. He just ran straight. My problem is I know too much about MMA so I don't have any room for anything else. I'm sure I'd love football.

Football is so fucking cool. I'm sure I'd love football. But my brain is like... UFC is pretty awesome, dude. For me, that's enough. I hear you. I can't only watch so much sports, but for me, this is what I always say. If two guys are playing basketball and there becomes a dispute and one guy beats the other guy in basketball,

the other guy can say, yeah, but I can still beat your ass. But if somebody beats your ass, you can't say, yeah, but I can beat you in basketball because nobody cares. That's the difference. What if you cared about basketball? Well, listen, basketball's an awesome sport. What if two stand-ups, one guy's an open mic-er that does jujitsu, one guy's Louis C.K.? He whoops his ass.

And Louis can be like, yeah, at least I can do stand-up. Yeah, that's different, though, because now you're comparing. No, now his art is undeniable. No one cares if Louis can do jujitsu. He's like fucking amazing stand up. But I'm saying in terms of like physical competition, we're only talking about physical competition. It's just like a thing that what all sports are.

It's like this expression of male dominance or female dominance. It's like this expression of male dominance or female dominance. It's just the expression of becoming whatever it is, whether it's basketball or soccer. It's like being the ultimate dominator through a game. You ever see soccer fights? Oh, yeah. Dude, it's so funny. I love how they fake. If they get touched, they all flop.

Yeah, they just flop to the ground. Yeah. Jamie, how are we looking on a Mike Allstott highlight, dude? I had that, but I was gonna What's going on here This guy is the one that No one in the NBA fucks with Oh Stephen Adams

He just picked this guy up And carried him away For fucking with his teammate He's from New Zealand No one fucks with this guy Why Cause he's a Cause he's a monster

Oh Jesus He's like 6'11 He's 7 feet tall He looks like fucking Aquaman dude No one fucks with I think he does He just carried that guy. He does some training.

Show me how he did that again. It'll come up here in a minute. Well, he got double underhooks. Look at that. He just hoists him. Yeah, there's another NBA guy that does jujitsu that I think no one fucking says he does. He held his shoulder like a kid. Bro, look at this.

He hoisted him up in the air and just started walking with him. He's also a giant dude, too. It's not like he's a small guy. I know. Look at that. That's crazy. Nope, get away. This fight's over.

So no fights happen when he's there, for sure, because he's the intimidator. I'm such a big John Moran fan now. That's a good way to do it, too. You didn't hurt him. You just said, let's go for a walk. Such a bummer. It's a bummer, dude it, too. Like, you didn't hurt him. No. You just said, let's go for a walk. Such a bummer. It's a bummer, dude. Getting carried by another man.

Away. Such a bummer. Such a bummer. I was doing pictures with fans once after a show. This fucking big dude with, like, a weird mustache. He wanted to take a picture. And he goes, could I carry you in the picture? I go, what?

No. I go, like a baby? Is that what you're saying? Like, carry me? You're being mean? Is that what you're saying? You're trying to be disrespectful? No, no, no, he wasn't.

He just really wanted to carry me in the picture. All right. There's something off about this dude. Oh, he wasn't trying to be a dickhead. No, I think he was just like real weird. Just a fucking weird psycho. But real and big. Just real weird and big. And he wanted to carry me. Like, it didn't seem like he was being... Did weird. Just a fucking weird psycho. But real and big. Just real weird and big.

And he wanted to carry me. Like it didn't seem like he was being rude. No, it didn't seem like he was being rude. Back at the fishing hole. It's fucking queer shadow. I'm 13 again. It's fucking fired teachers trying to suck my dick. Probably would have been terrifying.

It would have been very scary But I'll tell you what that guy would have sucked the soul out of you dude that guy's been jogging thinking about it for You would have You'd never be the same, dude. Dude, a blowjob where you have everything to lose while you're giving it, it's a fucking strong blowjob. Imagine the crazy... I'm not advocating for pedophilia. Imagine the crazy feeling like a 25-year-old hot teacher has

fucking one of her 16-year-old students. It's about as hot as it gets. Yeah, some 16-year-old quarterback, he's asking her about English work, and she goes, well, if you come to my house, I can help you with some of your English work. He goes over to her house, and she has a glass of wine already. Stop, dude, stop. And next thing you know, they're sitting on the couch

and she's talking to him you know i'm concerned because some girls are bad and you know sometimes a man just needs sexual release stop dude and then this is a genre i went off to this i mean you sure i mean is this this a... Yes, it's okay. Stop. Yes, it's okay. No one's going to care. Nobody feels bad about those porns. No one's going to care. If you show me a porn where there's like a 21-year-old guy banging a 45-year-old chick who lifts weights...

Awesome. I'm in. Nobody's getting hurt there. Oh, you like jacked ladies. No. Yeah, you do. I'm saying, hold it, ladies, work out yeah i'm a little jacked little jack's fun a little bit nothing crazy i was yeah one of the girls i was i had sex with a girl that was getting strong it fucked me up dude no i didn't i was from behind she had like traps And I was like, what the fuck, dude? Took me out of it. That's hilarious.

Traps is rough. Yeah, that's a male. You see the traps while you're fucking. Vanderlei Silva look. Yeah. That's a bummer. Oh, no. Thickneck.

Yeah. Traps. And I'm nothing. I'm not working out at all. I'm playing Xbox. Maybe that's what they want. Some girls like that. Like a nice slob.

Dude, a potato. They just want to be the pit bull want. Some girls like that. Like a nice slob, dude. A potato. They just want to be the pit bull. Yeah. I like that. I like that. Oh, fuck. With their traps. I like that.

Traps. Big forearms. Yeah. Big old veiny forearms. I went to a strip club in London, Ontario last week. There was a lady. She was going Ontario last week. There was a lady. She was going wild, dude. She was a pit bull.

She was like, they just bring people on stage and just... Everybody in Canada was putting money in their mouth at this strip club. Every single one of them would be... What happened to COVID? The first stripper that was with me was like, opened her mouth. Ew! And I was like... What?

I was like, I don't want to put money... You don't want money in your mouth. That's crazy. I'm like, giving a stripper health advice, I was like, I don't want to put money, you don't want money in your mouth. That's crazy. I'm like, giving a stripper health advice, I'm like, you don't want to, I don't want to do that,

put it in your thing. But dudes would, dudes would put money in their mouth and lay on stage on their back. Just, and the stripper would come and take it with her butt. Well.

It's pretty fun, but anyway, the point of the story. Mining your mouth seems very unsanitary. Definitely. For sure, right? Yeah, they're going to get a fucked up disease. Doesn't most money,

there's at least a really good percentage of money that has cocaine on it? Yeah. Right? Hundreds, I believe, has the highest percentage, but yes. So if you're one of those people that gets- Yeah, you ever do coke with a one? That's a bummer.

Oh, my God. That's a bummer. Yeah. That's a bummer. That's a sad line. All I got is a one. Oh, my God. But no, this lady was dancing.

She was fucking dudes up. Dudes were going to say Dudes would go on stage. My buddy went on stage, and she tried to take his belt and whip him, and he was like, no. He was like, stop whipping. But then she was doing that. She was dominating this guy. And I was like, this is kind of, something's going on. And then she lifted her arm, and she had armpit hair.

And I was like, what the fuck? It just ruined it, dude, immediately. I was into it. I was all in. That's hilarious. Armpit hair got me. That's hilarious. Armpit hair doesn't bother me at all.

No. Doesn't bother me. So wait, you like jacked ladies with armpit hair? Yeah, a little bit of armpit hair. You're getting close, dude. You're so close. That's as close as it gets Oh my god Yeah like a good buzz cut

I like them bald I like a bald lady She can wear a wig Yeah she can wear a wig You can be of different hairstyle every night She's got some khakis Oh my god Damn that fisherman might have got you dude

Might have set you off Imagine fisherman Might have got you dude Might have set you off Imagine I could have got you I never had a priest What if I did stab him What if he killed me Because I stabbed him You know there's

There's so many things That could have happened there It just I don't know What that guy got fired for But he was a teacher I bet he got fired For fucking kids

Yeah yeah yeah You can't do shit like that Yeah You ever have a priest You know you weren't Catholic Were you can't do this shit like that yeah you ever have a pre you know you weren't Catholic were you yeah yeah but I've got the priests yeah I never had a priest really go for it but I remember one time I was in confession and it was right when we were all starting to whack off so the priests he like asked I was in the middle of confession and he was like do you spill seed he said do you spill seed and i thought

it was like a biblical reference like some type of proverb where like you know so i was like yes oh jesus christ i thought it was like a saying for sinning right like i don't know some story where the guy dropped seeds and then i started to slowly realize that he was asking me about coming he wasn't I don't know that is that's a weird job being a priest asking fucking eighth graders if they're whacking off it's not appropriate and it's also the problem with the answer job we have to be celibate yeah any job we have to be celibate like who's gonna sign up for that here's the thing it's not like they get better seats in heaven.

No. Like, why are you doing that? Like, you're doing that because you're called to that duty? A good priest, that is cool. I do think that is cool. A good priest is cool. But the idea that they should be celibate, you're going to eliminate a lot of people that don't want that job. The dudes that are like, fuck it, I'll just be a priest.

Like, if you're, like, thinking about what job you want to have, and you're like, ah, it i'll just be a priest like if you're like thinking about what job you want to have and you're like i'll just fucking yeah be a priest some people do do that because they they're raised catholic and they're like look if i do it it's an i'm 100 guaranteed in you know all you have to do is like you gotta go to school you don't have to go to school you're in there you're a priest now you gotta go to seminary for fucking seven years and people treat you well if you're a priest it's a go to seminary for fucking seven years and people treat you well if you're a priest it's a respected part of the community it's funny how much they're kind of uh oh dude my friend matt you met matt mccosker we were laughing so hard about uh like a priest you got a fucking pretty easy job you're set up you live next to the church you go do this but then

every once in a while you got to get hit with a dude at confession. It's just like, I sucked my friend's dick at golf. You're like, what? Dude's hitting you with confessions. And then you look out and see him in church. Like, while you're performing mass, you look out. There's a guy like, you see, you're like, oh, that's a guy who blows his friends. You know?

You know the whole congregation's secrets. That was a thing that they invented purely so that they could spy on people. Well, not blackmail. They wanted to know who was doing what. And if you could give people an out that allows you to go to heaven, but you have to tell. You got to tell on yourself. If you tell us, yeah. But then I'll tell you, you're going to do a bunch of Hail Marys, and it's going to be good. You're still going to go to heaven, but you have to tell. You got to tell on yourself. Yeah. But then I'll tell you, you're going to do a bunch of Hail Marys,

and it's going to be good. You're still going to go to heaven. Like a completely human-created loophole just to acquire data. That's what it is. Yeah, it was pre-Google. Yeah, they were just acquiring data on the people. It's fucked up. I just had a revelation.

I think that's what I tell on myself. Do you? Yeah, I was raised Catholic my whole life. I constantly tell, when I was a kid, I would tell on myself. Yeah, it's probably. I still tell on myself. It's built into the system. I was, I felt like when I was a young kid, I remember I went to Catholic school for one year.

And I had this nun that was teaching the class. I didn't have a priest. We had a nun, and her name was Sister Mary Josephine, and she was so mean. It was always two. Yeah, we had Sister Michael Ann. We all had wild names. She was so mean, dude. She was so mean.

She would tell you that she's going to make you sit on a nail in the closet, and you better bring your pajamas because you're staying here tonight. Kids would cry. It would fuck you up. We'd be so scared. Because I went from being with my mom, who's like this sweet lady. This is the lady that I'm used to. My mom's nice to me. She loves me.

She's a nasty lady. To all of a sudden, this crazy bitch that doesn't even get to fuck. You're dressed in this weird costume and she was so mean and What it did to me at an early age was like oh, okay That's bullshit. It was like, you know, you have to see things and you like that are so stunningly obvious Yeah, this had nothing to do with god this is like a mean person who's just torturing kids and since i hadn't been around that it was very unusual for me and i was like oh this is all horseshit and then i think there was a period after that where i was fucking

kind of really weirded out because then i was thinking well if this is bullshit does this mean that like nobody knows nobody knows yeah do you remember that for the first time you realized that nobody knows what happens when you die I could there wasn't really exactly what it was it was sixth grade really maybe fifth we were exactly and then I get it wrong uh we were at my in my friends we had like built a fort at my friend's house we were were all back there and we were like, I don't know if God's real. And everyone at the same time was like, yeah, dude, I know. We're not allowed to talk about it. Yeah. That's the thing, right?

Yeah. Especially if you have a religious family, you're not allowed to talk about it. People get very upset if you even just want to breach a subject. Uh, I think, I mean, I was, I was, if I told my dad, I mean, hearing a fifth grader say, I don't know if God's real, that would fuck you up. If my dad's just drinking, watching sports. Yeah, dude. Kids do worry about that, man. You know, when I was younger, I used to really think that religion is just a panacea for the masses and it's not necessary and it's really outdated and you know you should know better than to believe that but

as i've gotten older i realized that it acts as like a scaffolding for behavior yeah of course and it also gives people a sense of of being of like being a part of something that means something to them that to say that that's not valuable is crazy. That's what's cool. If you talk to like a good priest Yeah, like if you talk to a good one, they'll tell you that they'll go. Yeah. Yeah, no one knows But it's good and a good philosopher will say the same thing. That's why I always question people to say that they They know what's going to happen when they die. There'll be just blankness people love to say that it's a very common thing right yeah people love to say that it when it's over you just die and that you go black but we don't know that we don't know that this whole thing is weird enough that I think we should entertain

every possibility you got to feel real weird oh yeah your life's fucking crazy it's hilarious yeah it's very weird yeah yeah we were me and uh my buddy o'connor who you met last night we were talking about on the way it was like guys like it's the perfect setup it's pretty sweet ufc podcast stand up yeah stuff i like yeah yeah that's cool God that's a good club You can do that too bro I'm trying Yeah That club

You murdered last night man Oh thank you That was fun That was fun I get uncomfortable Doing well like that It was too well I get a standing ovation

When I walked out I was like alright You see me I looked up at you Well that fucking crowd Is magic It's like magic right away You see me. I look at you. Well that fucking crowd is magic It's like magic right away right from the jump. Yeah

That was a lot of people on the show too Long a show last night a long show and then Dave goes up in the little room for the first time last night I was sweating. Yeah, this is pretty sick. Yeah, that was cool pretty sick bringing up. Dave was cool I wish he would have been ready Instead I'd be like, ladies and gentlemen, Dave Chappelle He just wasn't there. It was okay. He's coming. He's coming. It was it was perfect because it wasn't smooth So like it set up the conversational style of stand up that he was doing and fucking around And he also didn't know where the stage was so he's like how do I get up here? And he went to the middle and And then they're like, no, you got to go that way.

His, what was funny when he does that, where he's doing the conversational thing, it's almost like I think he knows what the joke's going to be. Because he'll keep talking and you're like, oh man, all he's doing is making a point right now. And then right at the very end, he hits a fucking. Hits a zinger. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, he practices. Like that's one of the, what he hits a fucking hits a zinger yeah yeah well he practices like that's one of the what he wanted to do last night it's like that was like a practice set which is really interesting it's like he gives him an opportunity to fuck around and in that fucking around he'll come up with an idea and then he'll pursue that idea and then they'll watch the film wild man it's wild to see. It's so exciting. Yeah, it was one of the cooler moments I've ever had. Yeah.

You introducing me and then going on. Yeah, and you were the first person who ever went on stage in that small room. Thank you for that. My pleasure. That whole fucking night was awesome. Yeah, it was pretty sick. Yeah. It's one of those, I woke up today a little hungover.

It was one of those hangovers where I was like, good. Yeah. Earned that one. That was a good hangover. It was good. The problem is we're doing so many shows there. I can't be hungover. I can't go hard every night.

No. Everybody is drinking. That bar is just fucking ridiculous. Yo, David Lucas was bombed last night. We talked to David, dude. I've never seen David that fucked up. He's having fun. Danny Brown was in there screaming.

Danny Brown was very, very engaged. I wanted to get a picture. Yeah, I wanted a nice candid of me, Pauly Shore, and Danny Brown. Yeah. That's right, Pauly came by. Yeah, that was a fucking fun night, man. It was.

Doing it again tonight. Whee. Can't wait. Whee. I don't know, man. I'm going to be chasing that dragon, though. Nah, nah, nah. Don't even worry about it.

Just have fun. Yeah. Don't even think about it. That club, the fact that the building is so old, it's got like already, it's like baked in. There's like a life in that building that's baked in. And we just like put nice clothes on it and dressed it up. Yeah, I'm not sucking your dick. That was perfect.

It's a perfect club. That club's fucking perfect, man. It's very exciting. Standing back, I was nervous. I was looking at those fucking steps. That's cool. Yeah, you should feel that. I'm standing there, I'm like, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

It's good for you. Yeah. It's also good that we're doing these shows where there's so many killers on. That's what we missed. Yeah, you know they're up there. You know they're up there. You know they're watching. You're like, this has to be good, dude.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, that's what we were missing. That's what we had at the store. The store was always just killer after killer after killer. And it's just really good for you. Yeah. You know?

And when you take that away, it's like you kind of like as a good comedy gym, that's what you really want to reproduce. You want to recreate the environment of a bunch of people that are sort of feeding off of each other. Yeah. Where they're like, this guy's killing. It's like, God, I got to pick my game up. And everybody does it together. Yeah. It's very important.

And people don't want to, for some reason, some comics don't want to think about that. They don't want to address that. They like to think that they're completely self-made. But we are so heavily influenced by our friends. We're so heavily influenced by just the hang, you know, just the way we're always hanging out and talking shit and having a good time together, but then also heavily influenced by our sets.

Yeah, I don't want to sound corny, but, yeah, that's the thing you want. You want your other comics respect is the most important thing. Yeah, and you want to earn it. Yeah. You want it to be real. So that means you did your work. You got to a certain level. You're a real professional.

Yeah. That was fucking, that was a fun night, dude. Fuck yeah. Then we went to, Jamie was on the prowl, dude. He wanted to have a good time. He was with me trying to find, we went drinks. We went to, who was over there? It was like Redman, Cypher Sounds was DJing, Jadakiss. Did you guys go to the Vulcan?

No, we went to, what's it called? Native Hostel. Oh, I've been there before. Yeah. It was me, Tony, Jamie, O'Connor, and DeRosa. Just five white dudes showed up. Just like, can we get a drink? They're like, no.

Wow. All right. They closed the bar, and I was like, I'm with Dave. They're like, no, you're not. All right. I was like, I got to find Dave. Walk around staring at Dave Chappelle. No, you're not.

How many guys say, I'm with Dave, that aren't? Yeah. Ugh. That's got to be so annoying. All the time. How about we were trying to get beers, and those guys were like, Jamie, Shane. And we're like, can we get two Miller Lights? They were like, no.

I was like, all right. Come on, man. Well, give me money. There's beer right there. No. Yeah. And then Jamie, I've never seen you on the prowl like that dude talking to the mic dude have fun he was trying to have fun dude i know

jamie's usually not wednesday night he's ready to get rowdy thank god we didn't go back to the club and drink tony was like let's just leave and go back to the club i was like dude if we drink it's two it's two o'clock right now yeah if we go back to the club. I was like, dude, if we drink, it's 2. It's 2 o'clock right now. Yeah. If we go back to the club, we're there until 4. Yeah, go to bed. Yeah, bedtime. I'm a decent, I'm getting good at bedtime.

The problem if you don't do bedtime is you wake up too late, and then you miss a big part of the day. Yeah. It's not good. I do that. Yeah, but if you have some shit you got to do, these late nights, like Dave wants to stay up till like 3 30 in the morning he just wants to keep going he goes he just keeps going and he's he's the dj he was the dj in the bar yeah i'll do that i'll fucking

hit the dj bargatze has a funny bit about it of being a comic, and you wake up at like 11. So you wake up and the day is, you got 40 missed phone calls. Every day he wakes up, the day's already done. Yeah. Yeah, and he's like, oh, shit. But you have to get good sleep, too. So if you do go to bed at 3 o'clock in the morning, you really should sleep till 11. Yeah. You really should.

But then you got to get going. It's tough. It's tough. It's tough. It's hard. The thing that gets you for real is drinking. That's what gets you. You're drinking clubs a lot. You're wearing yourself out.

I've been doing the cellar totally sober. Yeah? That's tough, man. You don't enjoy it? Five spots sober. Oh, no. You just got to sit there for four hours. Oh, no. What do you do?

Get bored. Yeah, you gotta make small talk with another comedian sober. You gotta get into marijuana, son It's so bad I don't have the brain for it what about micro dosing mushrooms I can fucking crush mushroom just a little bit much as coke maybe maybe I'm gonna fucking all this maybe I'm fighting it for all this time and I'm gonna become a coke advocate I'm gonna do you were on coke is amazing now that's another problem that's that Spencer Brown level that's Francis and Ghanu level problem if you were a coke dude you're gonna talk about a pitbull running through a town holy shit let's go yeah we were leaving we were leaving a restaurant we were leaving the restaurant last night joe's just hanging out of an suv going let's go no let's fucking go just some lady walking Just like It's funny

Now she has a story She's like yeah I was in Austin I saw Joe Rogan Screaming That was because I was talking to radio And radio was going

To go meet Dave And we were talking We were getting hyped up For the show I go radio Let's fucking go Yeah it was fun And this lady was like

Yeah How about radio Oh he's awesome Do I love you What's that Oh that was hilarious awesome. The I love you? What's that? Oh, that was hilarious. I love you. I love you, too.

When he was explaining, I was like, oh, shit, that's you, dude. That was hilarious. Yeah. We were eating dinner, and there's a thing that Radio did when he was interviewing Logan Paul, where Logan Paul was, he was talking about talking to his brother, saying to his brother, I love you, and Radio thought he was telling him he loved him and he's like I love you too but the reason why radio said that is because Logan says I love you to him all the time yeah it's like a very friendly gregarious guy so it was natural for him

to say I love you too and he's like oh no so Shane realizes in the middle of the conversation while we're eating dinner that that's who he is when you go oh shit that's you dude I kept saying it the rest of the night I'd see him I'd go I love you dude he was like alright man

I was like there's nothing to be ashamed of dude that's hilarious I love you too I love you too that was hilarious oh it's a bad one that's the Shaved off, dude. That's hilarious. I love you, too. I love you, too. That hurts, man. That was hilarious. Oh, it's a bad one.

Yeah, I'm playing it. It's so funny. Dude, that is the actual worst version of, you know, doesn't Brian Regan have a bit about that? Yeah. How does it go? Like, enjoy your meal or enjoy your flight. You, too. Yeah. He's like, God, you, too.

Yeah, that's like. I said, Jake, I love you. I'm not going to give you a big speech. I know you got this, but I have to come back victorious or come back on your shield. I love you, bro. I love you too, man. How do you feel? But again, the first time I saw it, I didn't even think about it.

Yeah, that's not good. I love you too, bro. But I've said. Yeah, that's what radio said. I have said in interviews, I love you too. But listen, I've said- Yeah, that's what radio said. I have said in interviews, I love you too to fighters many times. Yeah. Many times.

Like Sugar Sean O'Malley, there's like a love fest between me and Sugar Sean. There's like five of them where I tell him I love him. Yeah. But it's like- Yeah, someone says they love me. I love them too. I do. I genuinely do. But that was just a fuck up he just fucked up yeah just you know it happens i was like dude it happens like i saw it i watched it and what out loud i was like ah

it's no big deal you're a great interviewer it's just such a funny angle too just he's a super super knowledgeable dude about boxing if you want to talk to boxing talk to radio he he knows like all the contenders and all the various divisions he's got essentially the a boxing memory and a knowledge like i have an mma knowledge he knows a lot of about boxing man i like tyson fury tyson fury was good he's so fun he was good. He is so fucking funny. He was good. When he sings. Oh, my God.

He's the best. After every fight, just... I just hope that the Usyk fight happens. Tyson Fury is, in my opinion, he's like one of the hardest puzzles to solve in the history of the heavyweight division. Six foot whatever the fuck he is. What is he, 6'9"?

6'9". 6'9". Incredible skill. skill like so slick so cat and like that herky jerky style hard to read pops you knocked out wilder twice i mean come on man wilder nukes everybody yeah if it wasn't for tyson fury like who knows yeah wilder might have beaten all the rest of them he would would have. He might nuke them all. Yeah. Tyson Fury's just got his number, man.

That's a bummer. That sucks, dude. Just another guy doing the same thing as you that's got your number. Got your number. Especially because he all... That first fight. Wilder almost got him. Had him.

I mean, it looked like he was out. He had him. Lying flat on his back. Full Undertaker, dude. Just got up. Dude, those gypsies are just not the same. I mean it looked like he was out he had him lying flat on his back full undertaker dude just Got up dude those gypsies are just not the same Those are not regular white people those are fucked up freaks dude That guy's a freak he looks like shit too. It's awesome. Yeah It is awesome. He's fucking back fat. He's going up against a chiseled black dude.

You're like, oh, yes, dude. So he's flat on his back. Here comes a complete freak. And now watch this. Just gets right up to his feet. And now he says he's fine. He walks over there jingling, all that fat jingling. So now here's what's crazy, though.

He thought, Deontay thought the fight was over, right? That's a very embarrassing clip for Deontay. Yeah, he thought he had him. Then you see him get up, and you're like, oh, shit. Yeah, there's a look when he sees him get up. Watch. Right now he realizes he got up. And he's like, oh, shit, he's a look when he sees him get up. Watch. Right now he realizes he got up. And he's like, oh, shit, he's back up.

And so then from that round on, Tyson Fury beat him. And Tyson Fury figured out that if you get Deontay to back up, he's not as effective. Is that a draw? Like that thing that you saw Stipe do where he ran and knocked out Fabrizio Verdum, that's so hard to do. he ran and knocked out Fabricio Verdum That's so hard to do. Yeah, and some guys just can't do that and Deontay is much better going forward So in all the fights after that Tyson Fury just controlled the pace controlled the distance kept it on him kept him backing up and was super aggressive

It's fun Tyson's's the funniest, man. He's the best. He's so fucking funny, dude. Bitch. Usyk. He calls everybody bitches. Yeah, nothing. Yeah.

I can't even disagree. Yeah, a tosser. Yeah. Absolute tosser. Scared to fight me. When he's singing, his singing. Yeah. He's like singing Walking in Vegas

A long long time ago I can still remember He just knocked a guy out He's a fucking insane person He's just singing Oh that has to hurt Losing to him And you hear it while you're walking back to the tunnel

You hear this fucking guy I can still remember Wow, that has to hurt, losing to him. And you hear it while you're walking back to the tunnel, you hear this fucking guy. I can still remember how that music used to make me smile. That doesn't even make sense. Chris, what a fight. I can make those people dance, and maybe they'd be happy for a while Look at all those people sitting there going, what the fuck is happening? It's the longest song you can think of.

It's the longest song! It's Bye Bye American Pie! That fucking song's so long. Take one more step I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widowed wife. Something touched me deep inside. The day the music died. He's trying so hard to sing, dude.

He's singing for real. All together now. He screams like a pirate. He bullied them all into singing! Look at how many people are still there, sitting down after he won the fight. You know he's gonna sing, dude. English, they love singing. They do.

They always sing at soccer games. What a good culture. Just getting fucked up and singing together. You and your boys come up with a song. That's fun. Our American chants suck. Yeah. We're not even close.

Well, those songs that they sing back, that's like back in the war days. Yeah. They would go on campaigns and sing songs. Yeah, you got to sing. Sing war songs. In a trench. Dude. Hold on. I got to piss. Can I piss? Yeah, let's go on campaigns and sing songs sing war song trench Hold on I got I got a piss can I piss? Yeah, that's best. All right All right

Stop Joe Shane Gillis ladies and gentlemen. Hey, so tell me about shit hoarding shit horse Like what o'clock in the morning he's like dude you watch hoarders cause I was like alright fuck I gotta have something to say we always have something to say

you know so much about history you always have something to say that's an interesting element of your act that I really enjoy is that you're such a to say that's that's an interesting um element of your act that i really enjoy is that you're such a fan of what's the matter jamie the shit hoarder yeah sorry i didn't mean oh no it's unbelievable i thought you spilled coffee on yourself no it's unbelievable um that you have such a a knowledge of history and you're so interested in so many different things that like it it layers your

comedy in a really cool way thanks it's good like like that george washington thing i don't want to say anything because it's so good i don't want to sound i don't want to fuck it up but it's so good i love that bit and it's but it's also historically accurate it's fucking fun it's fun because it's like it's in it's engaging me and it's entertaining me yeah like it's engaging me it's interesting i always and it's also very funny i always it never worked and i remember it uh in lancaster pennsylvania where like one of the open mics where i started amish country uh there was a joke i always used to try in my the guy who was running the mic would always be like dude do it do the civil war joke it never worked it was just about dudes walking to shoot each other like you had to walk it was something about like uh you

know how racist you had to be to like be in the south and wake up one day and be like wait they freed who what the i'm going up there and then walking the whole way. You had to sleep at night and wake up and go like, son of a bitch. And they walked from Alabama to Maryland. You got shot in the head right away. Who had that great joke about that? You know, where they'll tell you the Civil War wasn't about slavery. It was about economics. Like, yeah, you didn't want to pay the help.

Whose joke is that? I don't know. Somebody has that joke. I don't know. People try to act like the yeah yeah whose joke is that i don't know somebody has that joke i don't know people try to act like the civil war was it bill maher maybe it might be bill maher it's someone good but i always wanted to do a joke about uh because they the like your company whatever your group was because they're all from the same town yeah so they would your division or fucking your brigade would be from your town all right so you never left your town so your your brigade back then was everybody you grew up with every dude your son your brother your uncle and your dad you're all fucking together and you you're marching

shoulder to shoulder and you watch your fucking dad get his head ripped off by a cannonball, you just got to keep being like, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. A cannonball hit your dad in the head. You knew who was getting shot. Oh, my God. Yeah. Dude. Yeah.

Can you fucking imagine? I don't know why that's funny. Yeah. How about the trench warfare of World War I? It started in Civil War. Siege of Vicksburg, I think. That when they started trench. They started. Yeah, they say the Civil War in America was like the first modern war This is the revolutionary Horrible look at this walking towards each other like the stupidest way to do it ever

Can you imagine that people did this for some? Oh? God it ever can you imagine that people did this for some oh god oh god hit in the face with a cannonball now that's that the patriot's roughly based off of uh i think his name is francis marion the swamp fox and he was a he was kind of an originator of guerrilla warfare because they were like we can't we can't stand and fight the british god we have to shoot them and run which is pretty funny how crazy are the british just gonna come over here and start marching yeah we're gonna walk right out big white stripe on your chest red jackets it's a hundred percent a target yeah red and white is what you use for archery targets They had to change Once rifling took over they had to be like I switch our uniforms in that amazing though that that was that

You had to think of how much the British Army conquered in the world everybody everybody and Imagine that their decision to fight was this way Like how how? How did you get from, like, the Mongols to that? How does that happen in a thousand years? I guess. The Mongols had all these crazy tactics. They would starve people out, lock them in their cities.

Yeah. They would wait them out slowly. You get artillery and guns you can just especially that's this is crazy that's just running it down your throat dude it's like we're gonna walk at you but i just can't imagine that someone wouldn't say hey isn't there a fucking better way to fight these people yeah like what are we doing let's get behind a tree and then shoot them i can't even watch this dude. I can't believe people did that That's what's so crazy. It's like how did they survive to become that silly?

Like that's a silly way to fight a war right so how did they survive with those strategies? How were they dominant with those strategies? They're the only ones with well most of them are colonies where the other guys are they have fucking cow hide shields and spears like the zulu and so they were the only ones muskets you have fucking guns you just yeah you're gonna win you're the only ones with guns so the british were the only ones with guns well when it came to like their colonies on a in a land war they would lose a lot to like france prussia those like major continental powers, but England always had a navy. They always dominated through naval warfare.

And then they had to team up with everyone to stop Napoleon. Dude, once they started shooting cannonballs off boats, that must have been the game changer. When did they start doing that? When did they start doing cannonballs from boats?

Bro, that is a motherfucker. Yeah. You got a cannon on a boat? Shooting at people without cannons? Boom! Yeah, you just do this all day. How many times did they have to shoot that cannon before they figured out how hard they have to bolt it into the floor? A lot.

Then they shot out the other side of the boat. You've got a floating wooden thing with this giant iron tube on it that has explosions go off on it. And just four poor guys from Manchester operating it. Oh my god.

Boom! You ever see Master and Commander with Russell Crowe? I think I have Oh it's Jamie back me up dude I don't remember it It's got like a

It's so good It's way more popular now Than it was Yeah yeah yeah Oh I read an article About that Why are so many men Into Master and Commander

I thought it was a video What'd they say Is this guy was gay Uh uh Alright I don't read articles. I read headlines. Yeah.

That's what I read. It's so good. And then I form my own opinions. Yeah, of course. It's like, oh, there's a study out, bro. You don't even know about that study. I hate studies. It says more men like Master and Commander than like anime.

That's good. That's a nice thing. I don't know. That would be good. Just kidding with the study. But it's why they like it. Master and Commander is good. Is it? Yeah. Look at this, dude. That would be good. Just kidding with the study. But it's why they like it. Master Commander is good. Is it?

Yeah. Look at this, dude. That's fun. Guys on boats. Boys on boats, dude. You get to grab the boys when they're sleeping. You go, don't tell anyone about this, mate. How weird is it they're using a sextant in a cloudy day?

How are they doing that? Isn't a sextant based off the stars. How are they doing that? Isn't a sextant based off the stars? Isn't that what it works? I have no idea. I don't know what the fuck they did. Imagine, those things those kids are looking through, which this is really wild, like that was how

they would navigate. Imagine the crude tool that they were using to float around in the fucking ocean. And they would do it somehow or another through the stars. That book, the first thing I ever talked to you about was Cabeza de Vaca. Yes. And they were like the guy they hired to do the navigating like fucked up.

Yeah. They had no idea. He had to be like, no, I know where we're going. How accurate are those sextants? I think if you're off, especially going from Spain, if you're off like a little, you're fucked. It looks like we have an updated version now. Does it have like computers on it and shit? Better scope maybe.

It looks dope. That looks way better. So how does it work? There's a description. The estimation of, okay, a sextant is a doubly reflecting navigation instrument that measures the angular distance between two visible objects. The primary use of a sextant is to measure the angle between an astronomical object and the horizon for the purpose of celestial navigation. So the estimation of this angle, the altitude, is known as sighting or shooting the object or taking a sight. The angle and the time when it was measured can be used to calculate a position line on a nautical or aeronautical chart.

For example, sighting the sun at noon or Polaris at night in the northern hemisphere to estimate latitude with sight reduction, sighting the height of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't understand any of it. It seems like they're using dots in the sky. So one of them would be the sun. One of them would be the moon. Yeah. And because they're calculating the angles of how far the things are away from each other and where the stars are, you can kind of figure out where you are in the ocean somehow. I'm not sure I understand it, but now they just use GPS, which is way better. Yeah.

Imagine back then when they just didn't know where they were and they thought they were in India. You know? Sort of. It's a moving gif. I can't control it, but it's showing how it works. You read the angle. I'm not going to figure this out right now. Yeah, we're too dumb for this.

We're too dumb. But it's amazing that they used those to travel all around the world. Like, they trusted those things and the way you would figure it out through that. Yeah, not good. And you might have scurvy anyway yeah when you eat beef jerky every day yeah you hit no wind you're just on flat sea they're all sick they would get sick yeah there's mutinies constantly you'd be like this guy's gonna fucking get us killed and the storms were completely unpredictable you had no idea when a storm was coming. Zero idea.

That Cabeza de Vaca story. I kind of forget it, but... It's amazing. So I think they were in Cuba, Hispaniola, and they left, and they landed in, like, Tampa. Mm-hmm. And they were like, half of the party go get on a sailboat or meet us at the harbor.

There's a harbor up this coastline. And they're like, all right, well, just half the party's going to walk, half the party's get on a sailboat or meet us at the harbor. There's a harbor up this coastline. And they're like, all right, well, just half the party is going to walk. Half the party is going to take the boat. And there was no harbor. And they just got – they had to walk from Tampa to Mexico City. Three of them made it. They all got killed. Yeah.

Yeah, pretty fun. They had to survive waves like this back then too, yes? Yep, 100%. But they could not. But they didn't. They went under. I like this back then, too. Yep. 100%. But they could not. But they didn't. They went under. I mean, that's why those boats sank. There's so many of those pirate ships.

And how about the Roman ships they find that sank with, like, a fucking billion dollars and the gold in them? Spanish. Oh, my God. Spanish coming back from the New World. There's probably a bunch of those out there. Those guys that find like hidden treasure or sunken treasure that's a wild thing man do you imagine if you're a guy who's invested all this

money you got all this stress you got a team of divers it's basically like a cbs drama show you got a team of divers and they finally find it and now you got to protect it from pirates you got to kill those guys that were on the dive with you. Oh, I bet that happens a lot. We just found a trillion dollars. I bet that happens a lot, right? I bet guys kill each other. Probably.

Yeah. There's a story I know. I think I told you about it one time before. This guy, he's known as, he did exactly what you're talking about. He found the gold. He got an investment. His name's Tommy Thompson. I think there's a documentary about him.

He then lost the gold. In quotes. Lost it. Didn't know where he put it. He's been in jail. Look at that pirate, dude. Held under contempt because he owes the people who invested in him the money. He's just like, I don't know where it is.

I can't remember where I put it. And so the judge is just holding him. How long can he hold him? He's been in jail for like 20 years, I think. Really? Yeah. For $4 million? It's at least $4 million, I think, is the problem.

He might have found a lot, and he just didn't tell everybody he found. And so he's been in jail for how long? Let me see if I can tell you. Yeah, let's find out. I believe it's a long, it's more than 10 years. I think it's been going on for a while. Well, he looks so much older than he did when he got arrested. That's pretty neat.

Yeah, see, it started back in, like, the 90s. Oh, my God. He discovered it in, like, 89 and then went back. People have been talking about it for a while, but I think he's, as far as I know, still being held. What a fucking idiot. Well, not only that, where's the gold, and how does he know it's going to be there when he gets out?

He's been in jail for 20 years. Could be some other treasure hunters. Yeah. I think his kids may have known about it, but they're like, we don't know where it is either. The story went on forever. It's pretty neat. I think it's from Columbus, Ohio.

That's kind of why I know about it. I think someone I know knew him or knows the family or something. Columbus, Ohio treasure hunters? Yeah. It's just from there. Anyway, let's take a look at this shit hoarder. You ready? Am I ready?

No one's ready. Never? I'm the only one I think who thinks this is hilarious okay how we blur this out I think I'm just gonna not show it because it's known as like yeah don't don't show don't show it don't show it just show uh Shane's face ladies uh actions shitting in bottles bottles oh boy for a decade oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god that's the best part that's the lady oh my god there's shit everywhere that's her shit bucket yo yo wait watch watch watch watch watch that's her shit bucket and then she's like sometimes it gets too heavy, so I have to transfer buckets.

Christ, bro, I can't do this. Hold on. I can't do this. Oh, my God, dude, shut the fuck up. She lives in a shit house. Look at that. Full shit house. That's so insane.

Look at that shit everywhere, dude. Oh, my God, I'm going to throw up. Look at her shit bucket. I can't look. Bro, look, you have to look. Look at her eating soup, dude. Oh my god, I'm gonna throw up. I can't look. Look at her eating soup, dude. She's eating soup on a pile of shit. What the

fuck, man? So this is the interview here. She goes, I can't be the worst hoarder you've ever seen. Look at this sign. It says, I am okay. What are you... Yeah, this is the problem when you let kids think, I am okay. What are you... Yeah, this is the problem when you let kids think that they're okay. I guess so, because I thought it was due to the mold and dust.

You have to tell me this, because I... You don't know. I mean, some people would argue how do you not know that feces in the house is bad? But wait, I don't smell it anymore. It's like extremely dangerous. Okay, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. I will fucking throw up. Dude, she's so matter-of-fact the entire time. The, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. I will fucking throw up.

Dude, she's so matter of fact the entire time. Like the entire time people are like, she's like, yeah, there's mold in the walls. That's why it smells like that. And they're like, are you sure it's not the feces, bottles of feces and urine everywhere? And she's like, what? No, that can't be it. Like, no, that's definitely it. She's like, well, that's news to me.

Imagine if this was fake. And then they conned us. And that's like chocolate milk and they didn't toilet paper you can tell this lady's gone maybe she's like a really good actress okay okay dude so at the very end at the very end this is the this is the best part so at the very end they're like the best part. So at the very end, they're like, we're going to have to go in there and clear out all the stuff in there. So all her food's contaminated. She doesn't have a refrigerator. She just has bread on the ground that's covered in mold. At one point, they're like, you can't eat that moldy bread.

She's like, I'm going to take the fucking mold off, obviously. They're like, all right. At the very end, they're like all right at the very end they're like poop everywhere shit everywhere dude what do you think her like digestive tract is like she's eating progressive soup with shit in it she's eating nothing but soup because you you get a certain amount of shit on your hands anyway bottles dude yeah you know when they swab things they find like human fecal matter on things all the time like doorknobs and stuff so like you're if you eat a chip after you touch a doorknob there's some fecal matter probably that

gets in there this lady's eating all right so at the very end they're like we got to go in there and uh she's like hold on let me get one more night i'm gonna go ahead back in there and eat some contaminated food and they're like and then goes, and then the party's over. They're like, you mean a party? You think it's a party to eat contaminated food? She's like, what do you guys fucking care? I've been in there eating poop for 12 years. They're like, what the fuck?

Hold on, we get to that part at the very end. The dude, she says it. She goes, what do you care? I've been eating poop for 12 years. As, like she says it, she goes, what do you care? I've been eating poop for 12 years. As soon as he says it, he goes, oh, like just watching a dude

get defeated by a lady. I'm trying to explain this properly. The music, they play dramatic music. She goes, what do you guys fucking care? And he goes,

he looks at her, she goes, I've been in there eating poop for 12 years. And he goes, oh. She takes the guy's soul, hold on it's right it's towards the very end they're giving her basically the intervention it's two people outside it's a lady

and a guy imagine your brain yes yes i'm gonna go ahead back in there watch it's gonna be hard but i'm gonna give up some stuff this This guy. And I'm going to go ahead and eat some of the contaminated food and then the party's over. Because I have to get it. I understand that. Because when somebody goes on intervention, they want to get high one last time. The party ends for me tomorrow.

How is eating contaminated food a party? I'm, why the doesn't matter? I've been eating poop for 12 years. See, no one else thinks it's funny. Dude, dude. I'm questioning how it's fake or not. No one else thinks it's funny.

Dude. I don't think it's fake, but I've been fooled before. True. That's how it works. It seems like if you're, unless she's wearing prosthetics, it seems like she's suffering the effects of her poor diet. Like the inflammation in her face from poop eating. At the end, they bulldoze the house and put her in an assisted living home.

It's not like a happy ending of hoarders. They said the house was beyond contaminated. The city had to get involved and destroy the land. They just salt the earth. That's so insane. It's pretty fun though, just a lady and her mom shitting in a bucket. Before that, what was the worst one? The lady who eats

toilet paper? Remember that lady? Did you ever see the lady who eats toilet paper? That was my sick addiction or whatever. Is that what what was the worst one? The lady who eats toilet paper? Remember that lady? Did you ever see the lady who eats toilet paper? That was my sick addiction or whatever. Was that what it was? It's one of those. I never even watched it. I watched this Hoarders episode. I never watched Hoarders.

Yeah, she was just chewing up toilet paper, and she said it was addictive. No, there was a lady. The second worst Hoarders is a lady who had like 90 dead cats in her house. Oh, God. And she was saving them. She was putting them in the fridge. She was like, I don't want to say goodbye to these guys. She takes them out.

She takes them out for the camera. Their eyes are deteriorated. She's got a dude that's so fucking funny. Oh, no. Don't show me this. Yes. Come on, man. Oh, you guys got a rat collection?

Oh, rat collection. Dude, rat collection. Watch this guy at the beginning. He goes. Oh, no. Don't show me this. Yes. Come on, man. Oh, you guys got a rat collection? Oh, rat collection. Dude, rat collection. Watch this guy at the beginning. He goes. Oh, boy. He's like, yeah, people try to talk about it, but until you tried it for yourself or something like that. What?

Don't knock it until you try it. He has a million rats. What the fuck? Whoa. Well, you know there's like a temple in India where rats are? Have you ever seen that rat temple in India? No. Oh, dude, this is wild. So this like a temple in India where rats are. Have you ever seen that rat temple in India? Oh, dude, this is wild. So this is a temple in India, and these rats all hang out with everyone.

They eat with you. They, like, leave the rats. They put milk out for them. The rats are all drinking milk. They all, like, share. Yeah. It's the weirdest thing. It's like a temple filled with rats.

So as these people are all praying, like, dude, rats are everywhere. Everywhere. But they're not treated poorly. Well, they got this wrong. But it's really weird, man. Because this is like, look, the rats just like eat their food. And it's this beautiful temple. Let's see what this guy, does this guy have an explanation?

No. Let's see what this guy does he gotta have an explanation No, I'm here. Let's see what he says when they die. They're born as rats when a rat dies It's born as us humans That might seem preposterous to many in the West so they're just chillin people here They think that they died and become a rat. Yeah But they've managed to create an environment where they live with rats. Yeah. Well, there's going to be a new fucking plague if these guys keep doing this. Or not.

They better knock it off. Seems like it's working fine. Maybe that's how you avoid a plague. I bet these dudes get viciously ill constantly. Imagine the diarrhea they get. Bro, Indian food and rat shit. You hang out with rats all day. They're shitting all over the place. That's the thing. It's like,

oh, it's peaceful. No, it's rat shit. You 100% get rat shit everywhere. But what if they're right, dude? What if you and me wake up rat? You're a rat, dude. Thankfully some guy's giving you milk. Do you know some animals have a communal toilet? dude. Thankfully, some guy's giving you milk. Do you know some animals have a communal toilet?

No. Yeah, there's an animal called a neal guy that we hunted in South Texas. There's an animal called a neal guy? Yeah, a neal guy. It's this Indian antelope, really cool-looking Indian antelope. They have communal shit piles. They shit? You stumble upon a giant pile of animal shit. That's pretty cool. Because one of them shits in there, and the other one shits on the pile. They shit on each... Like you just stumble upon a giant pile of animal shit.

That's pretty cool. Because one of them shits in there and the other one shits on the pile. They shit on each other's shit and they just stack it up. They like shit in one area. Like a toilet. Yeah, that's I mean... Wild. That's like a very good evolutionary...

Rhinos do it too. Rhinos. Elephants. Some deer it says Antelopes Horses Raccoons What's that other one? Badgers

Dichne Dichnodonts What the fuck is that? The fuck's a dichnodont? What is a dichnodont? What is that word? Dicey Dicey

Oh Some sort of Ancient animal Okay So they used to shit in a pile too. I didn't know raccoons did it. It's pretty exciting. Yeah, it's interesting.

I like those guys. Raccoons are cool. Yeah, I like raccoons. Yeah. I like all the animals that survive with humans. Did you ever see the video that I put on my Instagram of the raccoon moving through the rafters? No. Oh, dude.

He's doing this, like Mission Impossible style. In the rafters. They're so funny. Like, mission impossible style in the rafters they're so funny like easily yeah see if you can find that jamie it's because like watch how he's doing it look look at this look at this isn't that wild i mean he's easily just moving around just letting his dick hang out damn crawling his way across the ceiling like with zero effort respect respect raccoons are the shit that's the shit that fucking animal's cool as fuck man yeah raccoons are great come on man it's dope having

raccoons around yeah because they're not man. It's dope having raccoons around. Yeah. Because they're not real dangerous. And they'll eat your chickens and shit like that, but whatever. Oh, they eat chickens? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know who eats chickens? Skunks.

I like skunks, too. Skunks are predators. I like skunks. I never knew skunks were predators. That makes sense. It totally makes sense. Like, what else would they be? Yeah, a little badger looking.

Yeah, a little fucking weasley looking. I like animals like, so like crows, raccoons, pigeons. I don't really like pigeons, but I like any animal that flourishes when humans do well. Yeah, well, crows are so goddamn smart. Possums. I like possums. Possums are cool.

Possums are cool. Crows? Crows. Crows are better. I like crows. Crows over possums? I'd take crows. Crows are... Yeah, I like that they're smart. I like crows. Crows over possums? I'd take crows. Crows are...

Yeah, I like that they're smart. They're really smart. You've seen those little things where they do, they make them figure out tools. Yeah. And they figure out that they drop... They figure it out right away. If they can't drink the water, they can drop rocks in there until the water level rises. That's very intelligent.

And that story of those students that captured a bunch of crows. You ever hear that one? What's that one? There's a bunch of students that, as a science experiment, captured a bunch of crows. You ever hear that one? What's that one? There's a bunch of students that like as a science experiment, like captured a bunch of crows. And then anytime for the rest of the year, they would, the crows would bother them. Like other crows knew about it and would bother these people. Oh, wow. All day. They'd walk on campus. Crows would be following them and yelling at them. Wow. Yeah. Right? Help.

Wow. Yeah. And I think, I could be wrong, but I think they went back for a reunion and the crows were still bothering them. Whoa. Yeah. How is that? I could just be wrong. So there's that.

There's definitely that. There's definitely that. There's the real possibility. But I was thinking about it. How could they possibly, because how long do they live? So if they went back for the reunion, how many years are we talking about? I couldn't even guess how old a fucking crow gets. I bet those fuckers get old, dude. Sometimes birds, yeah.

Well, parrots get real old, right? I bet crows get to 20. You think so? That's strong. A wild crow? Hmm. What does it say? Five years ago, zoologist John Marsluff and his research team at the University of Washington

trapped, abandoned, and released 7 to 15 American... What was it? 7 or 15? What does that mean? 7 to 15? Like they don't remember? Was it 7 or 15? What does that mean?

7 to 15? Like they don't remember? American crows at five different sites near Seattle. Before trapping the birds, the researchers donned different rubber masks specific to each site. A caveman face, for example. While the birds were caged, nearby crows circled the site and sounded alarm calls. The team then tested the crows' reactions to the masks. and sounded alarm calls. The team then tested the crows' reactions to the masks.

Over the first two weeks, about 26% of the crows that the researchers encountered scolded with a harsh, repeated caw, accompanied by wing and tail flicking the masked enemies. Groups of crows would sometimes mob the researchers as well, squawking and dive-bombing them. When the researchers wore different, neutral masks, the crows normally did not react, Wow. That makes sense, man. Well, this is what's weird, though. How old do crows get?

Over time, more crows joined in on scolding the masked researchers. In a little more than a year, over 30% of the encountered crows reacted, and by three years, about 66% did. The percentage has continued to increase. Interestingly, the crows did not need repeated reminders of their enemies. They hadn't seen me for a year with the mask on, and when I walked out of the office, they immediately scolded me. Wow. Wow. So I wonder if they're teaching the other crows. Yeah. Oh it turns out that if young crows born after the trapping incidents saw their parents scolding

the researchers they joined in. So they just trusted their friend. Like, hey, that guy's a douchebag. Fuck you, man. Yeah. That's all they do. They sit up on a fucking wire and just fuck you. Hey. Hey.

Fuck you, dude. How many movies have crows as a symbol of the devil or some demon? 13? Ghosts. Do you remember that? We were talking about that movie the other day that they made about that Stephen King book when he was Richard Bachman. The Dark Side. We were talking about that movie.

Do you know what that movie is? No. Which one is it? It was a movie where there was a guy who was a writer and he would have these seizures and he would see crows. And then he would become this like super duper badass who was the the guy who actually wrote all of his books oh okay so he he had like some sort of brain malfunction that led him to have a split personality but the other guy was like a real guy and i think maybe like it turned out he was, like, some dead bad guy who, I don't remember, but they turn it into a movie.

But it's crows. It's always crows. Yeah. Those fucking blackbirds that are staring at you. They're smart. Yeah, they're funny, dude. The dark half, that's what it is. The dark half.

Not the dark side. Yeah. He's got a real dark half on Twitter, that guy. Oh, boy. What a dork he turned out to be. What a fucking dork, dude. Someone a dork he turned out to be. What a fucking dork. Someone take Twitter away from Stephen King. Yeah.

It's just like he gets so political about stuff. Did he do The Shining? Mm-hmm. Yeah, he rules. Oh, he wrote The Shining. He rules. The book is even more intense than the movie. He didn't like the movie, which is crazy.

I read The Stand. The Stand was awesome. The Stand's a long-ass book. He rules. Yeah, I was quitting West Point. I had a week to kill. I used to listen to, or read, rather, his books when I was on the train. When I was in my taekwondo days, that's what I would read most of the time when I was on my way into town.

I would read Pet Sematary, Cujo. He said he didn't even remember writing Cujo. It was just blacked out on Coke and beer. What? Yeah. Oh, Stephen King rules. Dude, rules. He got fucked up and wrote Cujo?

Oh, my God. He got fucked up and wrote everything. What if St. Bernard fucked up a family? He got clean. And I mean, he's still an amazing writer. But the early stuff when he was wilding, you know, the early stuff. Kudrow fucked me up. Tommyknockers?

No. Tommyknockers is a good one. What's happened? Tommyknockers is about, they uncover like a spaceship that crashed into the earth like a long time ago. And it starts affecting people in the town they turned into a movie at one point yeah the movie was cool but the book is the book is fun kujo was the first horror movie i ever saw oh and i was at my aunt's house and she let us watch it and then on the way home from our christmas party our car broke down we were in front of a farm and a dog started barking and i was like

kujo's coming he's gonna kill us and my mom was like who let shane watch kujo my aunt was hammered i let him watch kujo we watched kujo yeah yeah that scared that was the first scary movie i ever saw oh my god remember that but he was just lit through the entire time he wrote that book just lit he was kujo he was going hard bottom right kujo dude that was him on coke you know you when you think about some of the chaos of his books and the uh amazing creativity that he had that's like some of the really ruthless shit in like Pet Sematary. Yeah. Where you're like, whoa. When you read it and you hit the page, you just go, fuck.

Like that guy was wild. Yeah. And now he's like, go Kamala Harris. Yeah, what the fuck, dude? They killed him, dude. They got to him. That's MKUltra. You can't do that.

I think it's getting old. You can't go from being cool to being like, Kamala Harris is looking badass today. I think something happens when guys get old. Yeah, you get old. Yeah, and they get tired. Problem is, when you get

old and you become a kick-ass Democrat, dude, that sucks. I love to see, dude, I know this is not the best take, i love to see an old man that's like a diehard republican like further right than the republicans that's what i like dude i can see a guy drinking a beer going what the fuck is this yeah i don't want to you know well i don't know if that's the i mean it's like i know a lot of yeah... I know a lot of... Yeah, no. I know a lot of people that are diehard Democrats that are very good people.

Yeah, of course. They're probably better people. I also know ones that are just lost. They're just lost in this ridiculous tribe, and they won't ever criticize what's going... They won't realize it's a giant con game. The whole thing's a giant con game. And you pretending that your side is better than the other side, it's a giant con game the whole thing's a giant con game and you pretending that your side

is better than the other side that's the hardest fucking stupid the whole thing is run by money the whole thing every fucking step of the way and to pretend that this one side is the if they don't get in democracy is going to fail the whole thing's bought and paid for the whole show is produced bought and paid for by giant corporations you know the checks and balances of our constitution bill of rights is the only thing that's keeping it from just being fully captured and us becoming just a complete corporate state i think i hope it hasn't gone past the point of no return. The scary thing is- The lobbyists and shit, yeah. Everybody knows that money in politics is not good.

If you had to logically look at a system and say, what would be the best way for it to represent most of the people in the best way possible for everybody? What if we were running it like a company? best way possible for everybody. What if we were running it like a company? No one would say, this is what we'd do. Have the people who have the most money spend that money on those candidates. Those candidates basically work for them and they do the

thing for the people with the most money instead of for everybody. Everybody would go, no. That's terrible. That's what we're doing. That's going to limit growth for the underclass or the lower income wage classes. It's just – it's one of those things. It's like if you look at the way money influences all the decisions that get made in this country, it's not anything that anybody would – if they didn't have a stake in the game and they were trying to make a fair system, it's not anything that anybody would ever draft up.

Yeah. You wouldn't say the corporations could just donate, fuck tons of money. And you can also, when the politicians get out of office, you're allowed to pay them hundreds of thousands of dollars to give speeches. It's a con game. It's a con game. They just found a loophole, you know? Yeah, it's very disheartening. It's weird because it's so embedded.

It's so embedded. You know, it's like to untangle that, to Bernie Sanders the whole thing, to figure out a way to, like, someone to come along that abandons it and tries to make a better system. Until you take money out of it, you're not going to be able to do it. But no one's going to take money out of it because now it's like a thing. They're making too much money.

They're making too much money. The guys who decide to let money into it or not into it are making money. Yeah. I think the only way that it ever changes is if less people are willing to do evil shit just for money. Well. When you're in a corporation. That's never going to happen. money. Well, that's never going to happen. That's right. It's never going to happen.

I mean, instead of coming in on a Viking boat with a battle axe, now they're just making banks crash. Yeah, maybe it was better with the Vikings. Maybe. It was just a giant jack dude comes, you know, like, fuck, there he is. There's a lot more accountability. Yeah, there he is, that motherfucker. He's going to fucking kill all of us.

Now you don't even know. It's just some dork. I really wonder. I really wonder where our, where the human society is going. I really do. I think about it all the time. Because I think we're about

just an invention or two away from being fucked like what we were all at the bar yeah last night and Dave Dave Chappelle was talking about how he met Steve Jobs and Steve Jobs had the very first iPhone he had it on him he had the very first iPhone and and Dave was joking right I should have taken that thing I should have killed that motherfucker because he's about to destroy the world we're all laughing but it's true it's like that very first iPhone changed everything from that moment on and what else is going to happen like that what else is going to happen like social media or so it's not like this is it you got to really look at it in terms of like what what giant leaps have already it's not like this is it you got to really look at in terms of like what what?

Giant leaps have already taken place And what does this is chat GPT for that just got out that beats? 90% of the lawyers that are trying to pass the bar it beats their scores 90% of them like that It's way smarter than people already. I have no It's way smarter than people already i have no it's way smarter than people and we're we're letting it turn on we're like literally letting it operate and it's we're on four now and then it's going to go to five and then around seven it's going to shut the electricity off and start telling us what to do like this is gonna happen like what the fuck are we doing the one day it's

gonna say hey you fucking idiots pulling all the tuna out of the ocean and throwing your straws away. Like, you fucking idiots have ruined everything. We're going to tell you what to do now. You make too much of a mess. Your little children. I don't think the computers are going to be environmentalists. I think they're going to worry about the system. True.

It's not an environmental system. Yeah, they're going to make sure the Earth works. It's not just an environmental system yeah they're gonna make sure this works it's not just an environmental issue it's it's a biological issue it affects uh the plastics affect so many hormones in so many animals if it's fucking animals up all these plastics really oh bad there's a great book about it called countdown by dr Shanna Swan, and she was on the podcast before. A lot of books are doomsdays. Yeah, but this is, she's a Harvard. I'm not saying she's wrong.

I'm just saying every fucking. But this isn't a doomsday thing. All right. This is what she's saying. She's saying there's phthalates in plastics. Oh, is this lady that was talking about your gooch gets smaller? Exactly. Exactly.

I checked my gooch after that. Did you check it? God damn. That's a big gooch, dude. Nice, big, meaty, American male gooch. Thick gooch. She said that- Dragon skin.

Over the past 50 years, since the advent of petrochemical products, whenever that was, the men's testosterone has dropped by 50%. Yeah, but I heard our dicks got bigger. I heard that recently. I was confused. But our balls are shrinking. And our taints are shrinking. Let's go.

I can't believe that. But that's like inflicting information, whether or not the dick got bigger. If the dick's getting bigger, I think men will go, deal. Speaking of dick getting bigger, I got to piss again. All right. Damn it. Nice. Nice.

I would live there. I would live in that neighborhood. Yeah. It's a great town. I hate to admit it. Great town. It's a lot of fun here. It's a good town, man. We're it. Great town. It's a lot of fun here. It's a good town, man.

We're having a good time. And we got more to come. That club, bro. Wow, right? That was fun. Yeah. It's like the universe wanted that club to be made. It made itself.

Like all the pieces just sort of fell into place in terms of getting the right employees, in terms of having the right location. It's like it all just played out perfectly with COVID, the lockdowns moving here. It opened up all these doors. Everyone's friendly. Everyone's so nice. Yeah, you're right. You got the very good at the team mentality versus the, you know,

what is it, famine? Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Whatever. Look. versus the you know was it famine yeah yeah look people have a famine mentality yeah very very dangerous bad for everybody because that shit comes true too if you have a famine mentality you can just decide there's a limited amount of spots you start to resent you resent people you're friends mm-hmm happens a lot with like narcissists and you know, every comedian is a narcissist in some way. Yeah. But it happens a lot with people. There's people amongst us that like

really don't care about anyone but themselves. You know who's an insane narcissist that's actually very helpful is fucking Bert. Bert was hitting us. I was talking to him, he was like, when I, I don't, he's like,

when I die, I want the world to end. I was like, dude, that's crazy. He was like, I don't think I'm ever going to die. He says he doesn't think he's going to die. but you got to understand that Bert is also kind of doing a Theo Vaughn.

Yeah, I do understand that. He does a Bert Kreischer, Theo Vaughn type thing. But Bert's also one of the most helpful people in comedy. I should explain to people what I mean by that. A Bert Kreischer, Theo Vaughn type thing. But Bert's also one of the most helpful people in comics. I should explain to people what I mean by that. A Bert Kreischer, like Theo Vaughn, when he says ridiculous shit, you don't know if it's because he believes it or whether or not he's just joking.

That's why it's so funny. It's uniquely funny because of that. Because you're not really sure. He was on our podcast this week and he said that. He was like, he kept saying dumb shit like that. And I was like, wait, like, for real? Like the Anne Frank, Helen Keller story. Yeah.

I believe it, dude. I've seen him. You know him more than me. But like, on the road, I've seen that guy operate. He is, he does some dumb shit. Yeah. Where you're like, no. Oh, he does. I've seen him you've you know more than me but like on the road I've seen that guy operate he is Some dumb shit. Yeah, we like no. Oh, he does, but I think he's leaning into it Yeah, he does a lot more of that now than when I first met him I think he's like when dice clay started putting on the leather gloves Yeah, it's feeling his power

He's coming into his own. Yeah. You know? But man, what a fucking guy. Just help, help. He's a great guy. You guys had, you guys all, that LA scene.

Yeah. You guys had a, you know, I remember being in Philly being like, fuck these guys. Fucking assholes. Now I'm with you.

Why, these guys aren't that bad? Why did you think fuck these guys? Because I was fucking a flashlight in it on a mattress. So yeah, fuck everybody.

That'll make you fucking hate everybody. Yeah, I'd see anybody special. I'll go, that sucked. Yeah, it's how it works. It's normal. And I get it. People do it now. I would do it.

I would do it. If I was back on that mattress, I would say, fuck this. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when you're young. You know, when you're young, you're not exactly sure how to think about things. Like, how do I feel about someone else's success?

You know? But the thing about what the store had was a really good community. Like, a lot of lot of like really funny people supporting each other and hanging out with each other and making each other laugh. And having a good time together. And so you'd look forward to going on the road.

You do your gigs on the road on the weekend. Then you come in on like Tuesday night was one of the best nights at the store. You'd go in there on Tuesday night and it would just be wall to wall killers. Yeah. It was like a gangster's convention of comedians, you know? Just getting together, like, how's things?

Where'd you work in? You do Columbus? Which club? Talking shit, having fun. Let's go out back and have a drink. And people, it's funny when you describe it as, like, killers. Normal people are like, shut up. But you don't understand the feeling of being backstage

and the guy going before you is literally killing you. Yeah, killing. Like the guy in front of you is killing so hard that you're back there like, oh, fuck. Well, I told you that's why I started taking Joey Diaz on the road with me. Because I couldn't follow him. And so I said, okay, I got to figure out how to follow this guy. That's crazy, dude. I was like, he was killing so hard.

No, that's crazy mentality. No, no, that's the only way you'd learn how to follow this guy. That's crazy, dude. It's like he was killing so hard. No, that's crazy mentality. No, no, that's the only way you'd learn how to do it. But that's what I learned from Mitzi. I learned that from Mitzi Shore. Mitzi Shore, when I was coming up at the comedy store, always put me on after the best comedians, always. She's just like, if you think you can do this, you think you're good?

Okay, well, you're going to go after Martin Lawrence in 1995. Fuck. Yeah, dude. That's tough. Oh, I hate dick. I hate dick. But it teaches you how to tighten your act up. It teaches you what parts of your act seem clunky.

Because sometimes you're just saying things. You're not totally attached to them anymore. It seems clunky in front of these people that just saw Martin Lawrence. It's like all that. That's what she wanted to do. It's like Mitzi always did that with people. She would just throw you on after some fucking assassin. Sink or swim, bitch.

That's funny. Yeah, she was crazy in the best way possible. Yeah. Like the fact that she even wanted to run a comedy club and she wasn't even a comedian. Yeah. sink or swim bitch that's funny yeah she was crazy in the best way possible yeah like the fact that she even wanted to run a comedy club and she wasn't even a comedian yeah she's the most

important figure in the history of comedy that is in a comedian for sure it's Mitzi Shore yeah I was never you guys were all gone

from this before I even got was able to perform in L.A. So by the time I saw the store, it was a shadow of what that was. And then it's the same thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, we got this. We got this. This is pretty fucking cool. And we got this, and it's all ours. It's all just the comedians and... Adam. The audience and Adam. Love Adam.

Just people having fun. Yeah, man. And that's the intent behind it. And so far, that's all it's been. And, you know, this fucking one-week anniversary just passed. Like, it's been open a week. Yeah. I wanted to be down there the first week.

I was jealous. It's going to be seven nights a week now. Yeah. So you're going to be doing shows, both rooms, seven nights a week? Yeah. That's going to be wild, dude. Wild. You've got to get a lot of people.

That's a lot of people. They're going to be there. there a lot of people there every show sells out in fucking 10 seconds but it's a fun fucking show yeah it's like we're giving them something really good like these fucking shows have been amazing last night was insane last night so put the tickets up for dave chapelle i put them up i don't even say it's Dave You didn't even say it was Dave You're like secret show Yeah I said intimate show In the small room They get to see you

And then Chappelle Yeah it was a lot of pressure And no one knew who it was gonna be That was a lot of pressure So when you said Dave Chappelle They went nuts Yeah They went nuts

Yeah That was fun dude But you were the first guy To ever be on stage in that small room And that small room was a different animal. It certainly was. Different animal. Yeah, I felt it pretty quick.

The numbers, man. It's like, that's a thing about like 100 people. It's fucking odd. There's maybe $1.20 in that room. And a lot of people were standing in the back. But that's not a lot of people. No. And the people that are in the front, they're so close to you that it's like you're doing a joke to their face, which is real weird.

And you're making eye contact with a weird dude. Yeah. I love that. There was just a guy with long hair and a goatee staring at me. I was like, oh, fuck. But comedy like that is real weird anyway. Like, it's almost too intimate. Like, say, if someone was going to – like, if you wanted to watch Joey Diaz do stand-up in front of you, you wouldn't just, like, sit right in front of them and say, do stand-up. I'd want to be, like, in the third row or something.

Well, that's the thing. Yeah, those people are uncomfortable. Yeah. Those people are uncomfortable. Yeah, it's weird. And then when you make eye contact with them, they go – They weird it out. You're right there.

I can just grab you. I'll just grab you. Yeah. It's weird. Especially, like, I saw where, like, Chappelle was, like, sitting on the stool. His feet were basically on the front row's table. Yeah. And there's just a dude sitting there, like, staring directly up at Dave Chappelle.

And he just touched Dave's feet. Yeah, you could grab him. You could rush to the stage and tackle him. And then get stomped by Busta Rhymes. Chappelle, the way he does like the fucking, I'm gay, motherfucker. Like his voice.

He was talking about it last night about a dude being able to tackle him. He's like, I'm trans, I'm gay. Everything he does, man. It's the way he talks. Yeah. He's up there.

You think he's just fucking, you're like, oh man, he's rambling, he's telling a story and then right the fucking last second. He finds it. It's a callback. He does up there. You think he's just fucking, you're like, oh, man, he's rambling. He's telling a story. And then right at the fucking last second. He finds it. It's a callback. Yeah.

He does a callback. Yeah. Yeah. I try not to get, yeah. I try not to talk too philosophically about stand-up. Well, it's an interesting thing how everybody does it differently. Yeah. You know?

That's what's so fascinating about it to me, the styles. Like, what makes Theo Vaughn funny? Like, how is he doing that? Like, what the fuck is he exactly doing? I don't know what he's doing. And there's, like, Nate Bregazzi style. Hilarious. But it's like, what a fucking clearly his own way of doing stand-up.

The difference between, like, Theo and fucking Mark Norman. Yeah. Night and day. Night and day. That's crazy. Night and day. That's crazy. Night and day. That's a different genre. That's what's so cool about it.

It's just like, it's all up to you. It's all in your own head. Damn. I wish we would've got more out of that shit horror. Dude, I almost threw up. That was the only thing

I had to promote. I hosted Fear Factor for six years and I almost threw up watching that. I mean, yeah, it was a fucking freak living in a hovel shitting in a bucket. Dude.

They did that for a while, though. That was someone's baby girl. Well, that lady was also collecting her shit, too. Oh, yeah, right. She raised her. That was a prodigy. Her mom was a shit collector. Her mom was a true champion who raised an absolute animal.

What the fuck is wrong with people, man? who raised an absolute animal. What the fuck is wrong with people, man? Oh, you know, severe mental disability, and then you end up, you watch your mom shit in a bucket. You're like, I guess we shit in buckets. There's one part she transfers because the main shit bucket gets too heavy. So she's got to transfer it into a smaller bucket.

Then she just throws it in the backyard. It's a swamp of shit. There's cats, dude. Just stray cats and shit. It's crazy. It's so fucking funny. I think I'm wrong. I think I'm wrong.

Every once in a while there's something I think's funny that no one else thinks is fucking funny. I'm like, alright, I'm wrong. I think it's funny that you're talking about it. You're talking about it as funny. It itself wouldn't make me laugh as much as make me vomit. I was howling laughing.

They showed her throwing a bucket of shit. The camera crew goes out with night vision and there's cats just darting across the screen. I showed Jamie that video of that fucking dude shooting that gerbil with a rifle

That guinea pig. Alright, maybe I didn't. Oh Jane you're just a 15 year old boy. I understand I've never in my life seen more dick pics Fucking horrible videos of people having sex with reptiles. You have everything. It's just me and Ian Fidance are the only two dudes on earth that think this video is funny. And we keep sharing it with people, and they keep going, dude, what the fuck?

I'm like, bro, it's funny. You don't understand. I think it is funny. Hold on. It's obviously funny when you're talking about it, but it makes me sad. Hold on. I gotta... It's obviously funny when you're talking about it, but it makes me sad. Hold on, I gotta find this. It's just a kid. There's a guy, I think,

taking a shit. And the CCR's playing. Hold on. Have you seen the one where the guy cliff dives and takes a shit in midair and then plunges into the water with his shit? Yes.

Oh, my God. Fire up the music, dude. What the fuck? What did he shoot? With music. A guinea pig? I need the music, dude. Oh, my God.

Riley! Did he shoot the dad? Yeah, but the guy was holding the fucking... Look at that. Like, that kid fired a rifle in the fucking house. From like four feet away into the ground. Oh my god. That's so fucked up.

So I'm probably gonna... Nobody's gonna like this. You're not showing that on the screen, right I'm probably gonna Nobody's gonna like this Yeah you're not showing that On the screen right No No one's gonna like it No don't like that That's

I don't like it I'm not happy the kid did it I think it's preposterous I think it's A guy screaming going Oh my god Imagine being the guinea pig Every day they feed you

You think I got a good spot They pick me up They pet me Then one day He just decides to shoot me With a rifle Some chubby fucker Hits you with a rifle.

Right. It's probably not even his guinea pig. It's probably his sister's. I shouldn't have done that. That's okay. No, again, I've been proven right. Nobody thinks it's funny. That?

You think that's funny? Dude, CCR playing? Why? Why? Is that guy shitting? And a dude executes a guinea pig while he's shitting? I don't think that guy's shitting because it seems like he has his pants on. It seems like he's just filming the kid with the gun.

Yeah, but he seems genuinely shitting. He goes, oh my God. Riley! I think he just fell back because this fucking idiot shot a rifle into a stone floor. Here's a better question. And it ricochets. Why is he filming before the kid opens the door? Because they worked it out to do it.

Well, then is it even real? Obviously, yes. Is it even real? It seems pretty fucking real. It seems legit. Because that thing does fly. Yeah, dude, that is legit. And it looks like his dad fell over, or whoever is filming it, fell over.

And that's why his legs are like that you probably got hit with a ricochet man i'm dumb as hell i never even thought why are they filming before they this is an obvious one yes dad's an idiot too and he talked the kid into shooting the thing with the rifle with ccr yeah. Yeah. Well, you got that later. You have fun with that. You think that's post? That's it. You try a few out.

You do that with Instagram reels. I think they found the best song possible. Yeah, for sure. For what was happening. That's the best song possible. Woo, the red, white, and blue. It's how fun it's supposed to be. See, I almost threw it in.

You and your dumb ass camera shooting it. It ain't me. All right. So I think that's where I have a tough time is relating that why I think it's funny. I don't think that on the surface is funny. Of course. Same with the shit hoarder. Of course.

I don't think it's funny. You're a good person. I think the concept of how tragic life is and how that got there is comical. I get it. Like the shit hoarder. Yeah. No. I get it. Like this shit hoarder. Yeah. No, I get it. It's not funny.

Most people that see it go, whoa, why are you showing me this? This is terrible. Listen, it's funny when I'm watching it with you. It is funny. It's funny that this lady's life. Look, it's two different things. It's me watching it by myself where it's like, oh my God, this is so sad. Then it's me watching it with you, which is hilarious.

What are we going to do? Are we going're gonna be sad her neighbors god what the smell that must come out of her house and they walk their dog by oh the dogs are like cats in the backyard is in her body it says it's been building up for 40 years four years of trash so her mom and her there's a video another video put up by a e that's the shorter version her body. It says it's been building up for 40 years. 40 years of trash. So her mom and her... There's another video put up by A&E that's a shorter version. 40 years of shit. Oh my god.

Stop. Stop. No more. I was just... No more. 40 fucking years. 40 years of shitting into bags. I haven't been alive that long. People have been shitting since day one I haven't been alive that long. People have been shitting since day one. Just endless pile.

Not a big house either. Not like a giant house where you could store it in the far right corner. They're putting butthole to bottle. Sealing it up. And like the grossest lady possible. No eyebrows. The grossest lady possible. Opening eyebrows. Grossest lady possible. Opening up that contaminated starfish and drop it off.

It's funny, dude. I know it's funny. I know it's funny, dude. Crazy. Kids shooting the guinea pig so far, no one has enjoyed it. Not fun. Isn't it interesting, though, the wide variety of people,

that you can get someone like, you know, John Carmack, the guy who was one of the coders that was working on Oculus that's trying to fix virtual reality at the same time. The same world. With a rifle at the same time. Oh, my God. It's like what I'm saying about Viking behavior. It still takes place.

You could be in the wrong part of the world and see brutal savagery right now. Yeah. Shit Lady and Elon Musk. You know what's really wild now is you're getting all these Russia-Ukraine war videos that you could get on People sharing them on Telegram I haven't got a hold of those And I yeah They're rough Because this is all

You know cell phone footage And high resolution You know Samsung camera footage I see dudes get like I see people getting like their apartment Hit by a fucking jet Yeah I saw one Where they killed a guy with a sledgehammer Whoa I see people getting their apartment hit by a fucking jet. Yeah. I saw one where they killed a guy with a sledgehammer. Whoa.

Dude, they're rough. They're filming shit and putting it online. Yeah. Yeah. There was this one where this Russian soldier made it into this little area where these Ukrainian guys had been, they were in like a ditch. Yeah. And he executed both of them. And it's like close range rifle shots to the head.

And you're like, whoa. Oh, my God. Riley. Obviously, it's not funny. It's like, whoa. Anybody who thinks that, you you know there's something about like the concept of war without visual confirmation of the horrors of war yeah like i think people like how many people that are like really left on twitter are like literally asking for us to

support ukraine in this war against russia with more military spending the people on the left Which is really fascinating, right? but I think part of this whole call to war it Becomes like the thing that the other side is opposed to so you're gonna support this thing Yeah, and you're gonna be aligned because the good people are on this side and they're clearly aligned with that thing so you're gonna be with that thing so you're going to be on that thing but if you could see it if like we had to watch every day we had to watch footage from the war yeah you'd say stop yeah if there was a channel i mean because you

have all these channels that are dedicated to the news there's plenty of footage out there that they could capture to show you the actual horrors of war i mean i yeah i i think that's been a problem with war yeah forever but is that dudes that get out of it go we don't need this we got to stop this is the worst thing possible yeah it's like fucking red badge of courage in the civil war they wrote a book that there was like it's not what you think it is it's not glory it's cowardice it's it's the worst thing possible it's hard it's all Yeah, it's all evil fucking But don't you think that without seeing it? Without seeing it. I don't know

Like that's like that decision should be super important, right? But yet There's very little Like there's very little like there's very little in terms of like promoting the actual violence of war in a visual form there's very little of that available where you could just go to a channel and say if you want to know what's going on in war we're going to show you all the video footage that's been accumulated every day of the war in ukraine so you'll be able to watch hours and hours of cell phone videos every day of people getting executed, people getting tortured, people getting killed, drone bombed, all that shit. And then you can decide if you want to support war.

Because if you don't see that and then you say you want to support war, what does that even mean? Like you're talking about some sort of term that doesn't apply to anything that's going to affect your life. Yeah. I don't know, dude. It's weird, right? Yeah. I was, this is a little off topic, but like, I sympathize with fucking Neville Chamberlain. The guy that like when Hitler was going wild and he was like, whatever we need to do to

avoid war, let's placate and allow. So Chamberlain's like considered like a coward throughout history because then Churchill came in and was like we're gonna fucking fight but he was the guy he had witnessed World War I and he was like we can't do this again if he wants to take fucking Czechoslovakia fucking let him and everyone's like this guy's a coward but then you kind of you realize that guy he was doing what he thought was right. He didn't know there was concentration camps. Right.

I don't know. And this is definitely not a Nazi Germany versus democracies or allies war. Who the fuck knows what this is? This is a scary war. This is a weird war. It's a weird one. And it's not like, I don't know. It's very clear that-

Ah, fuck. That's the thing. You drink a couple beers, you try to talk, you sound like a dickhead. No, you don't sound like a weird one. And it's not like, I don't know. It's very clear that... Ah, fuck. That's the thing. You drink a couple beers, you try to talk, you sound like a dickhead. No, you don't sound like a dickhead. I'm just saying, like, World War II, it was good guys versus bad guys. Right. And we were the good guys. Russia was bad. It was good

guys and a bad guy teaming up to fight the worst guy. This one, I have no idea. Yeah. Russia versus Ukraine. Who who's what's going on this isn't a clear-cut fucking we need to do it well i don't know it's not it's i genuinely don't know anything it's not good you know it's not good and it's also it's not um it doesn't when people are anxious and they're worried about war they make very rash decisions like i remember um in the 80s everybody was really terrified of a war with russia like it hung over our head i don't know if people know that

like there was during the the red scare during the r Russia times, just like in the 1980s, everybody was constantly worried about a war with Russia. And then when the Soviet Union collapsed, when that happened, it was like a giant weight got lifted off everyone's shoulders. Now it's time for us to fight drugs. Yeah, exactly. Now it's time for us to go to war with drugs. We're going to war on drugs. Yeah, exactly. Now it's time for us to go to war with drugs. We're going to war on drugs.

When the Soviet Union collapsed, it was the whole world took a sigh of relief. And for a long time, we didn't worry about war again. And now here we are. Here we are with like supersonic nukes. Like what? Hypersonic nukes? Yeah, we can't let people do that. Yeah.

But the problem is- I can't let people do it. Yeah But the problem is I'm not gonna do anything If if you look at what people have done throughout history if we say, oh, we would never do that again We're too rational. Yeah, but it happens every time for throughout history and all the world to happen, right? Right after World War one. Oh, yeah, they just witnessed what happened. Yeah, and then those dudes Sent their sons. Yeah, those dudes sent their sons. Yeah. And they knew their sons were going to experience what they did, which was the worst shit of all time. Yeah. And they, yeah.

It's not like we're fucking above war now. Dude, that time we were on Protect Our Parks and you texted your uncle about Vietnam. Yeah, that was a little dark. That was a dark one. That was heavy. Yeah. That was heavy. Yeah. That was heavy. Yeah.

That war. Imagine going to that war and then you realize the end that the whole country got duped. You realize it was pointless? Gulf of Tonkin was a false flag. The whole thing was ridiculous. They knew it was wrong from day one. How much of Vietnam do you think had to do with heroin? I don't know.

Not 0%. People make that argument with afghanistan too yeah not zero percent well listen the argument about afghanistan is ridiculous they shouldn't make that argument because only 96 of the world's heroin comes from afghanistan all of the heroin you mean that they shouldn't make that argument yeah that's a that's a fucking conspiracy theory and uh you're a conspiracy theorist yeah if you yeah if you look up when afghanistan became they don't want that money largest exporter it was 2002 2003 stop it yeah they don't want that money listen i know our government i know how they operate the last thing they want is heroin money

you son of a bitch remember when uh geraldodo Rivera was interviewing the troops and the troops were guarding the poppy fields? Is this it? Yeah. Play this. These opium fields, and we are tolerating it. We are tolerating the cultivation of the opium because we know that if we were to destroy it now, the population would turn against the Marines and it would be a real security risk. Let me introduce Lieutenant Colonel Brian Christmas. He's the commanding officer of the 3rd Battalion, 6th Marines. Really a wonderful group of Marines

here. I know that you care deeply about this contradiction, the fact that here you have one of the best fighting forces in the world ever mounted. And in a sense, you're watching as this opium is being grown. I know it grinds at your gut. How do you deal with it? What are you doing about it? Well, frankly, this is part of their culture. So while it might grind in my gut, it's what they do. We provide them security.

We're providing them resources, and we're providing them alternatives. And the alternatives are different crops to grow. They're getting the seed and the fertilizer to do it. What? Yo, they're going to switch out for tomatoes. They're going to grow tomatoes. Yeah, man. Artichokes. Yeah, we're defending the fields.

And they're doing it. With U.S. military. So taxpayer dollars. I mean, armed and equipped guarding poppy fields that will be used to make heroin yeah that's gonna reach its way to fuck up my family 100 yeah that's where it's coming from and it's inside

fucking stuffed animals and shit kensington avenue in philadelphia yeah yeah and this is pre-fentanyl these are the pre-fentanyl epidemic days. But, you know, that's fucked. The whole thing's fucked. If you could see how many people before and after they started making those opiate pills, you could see that before and after how many people got hooked on heroin. I bet the numbers would be bonkers. Yeah.

Like, the heroin market in the world is worth so much money. And most of it comes out of Afghanistan. And we used to guard their fields. But if you make any connections, you're a conspiracy theorist. Yeah, I mean, the truth is, what else? Why the fuck would we ever be in Afghanistan? Listen, we were there for freedom. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

I know, but those guys were from Saudi Arabia. I know those people. They would never make money off of heroin. Okay? So shut your mouth, fucking communist. I do, yeah. Fuck, what? You know what I'm saying?

If you question it, what are you talking about? They make money doing everything. You don't think they'd make money selling heroin? They made money during the whole Conscious vs. the Nicaraguas, the Sandinistas in Nicaragua. Whatever that was. They were selling crack. I have no idea what that was. Yeah, who knows?

It was some Ronald Reagan shit. I remember I had an Oliver North for President t-shirt, though, because I knew it would piss people off. I bought it from a dude on the street in Kenmore Square. Yeah. I remember I had an Oliver North for President t-shirt, though. Yeah. Because I knew it would piss people off. I bought it from a dude on the street in Kenmore Square. Yeah. That tends to be my political leaning. Yeah. It's just whatever's going to bother people.

Yeah. Yeah, at the time, I was a kid. I was just reading something kind of interesting. I was trying to see how much heroin has been used over time. Yeah. And this government website says it hasn't changed much since like 2000. Well, this is between 2002 and 2013. but the numbers didn't change a ton. It kind of stayed the same.

So like, hmm, are poppy seeds used in other opiates, which of course it is. Hydrocodone, for instance. Yeah, that's true, right? So they use it in pharmaceuticals, right? Yeah, I bet that's a big part of the market as well. But also if they're using it for pharmaceuticals, are they taking like poppy seeds and converting directly to like opiate pills? I just was thinking of the last season of Ozark and how they had to get involved with the cartels Yeah, keep the fucking business going. I was like that. I wonder how much that was real. Yeah

Unrealistic probably not unrealistic Everybody had a big corporation that had like a nice shell company Yeah, they can negotiate with and not have to talk directly to the cartel. Yeah, you just got to talk to the fucking Taliban. Yeah. I mean, you're just talking about so much money. So much fucking money in heroin. Heroin and heroin pills.

But the United States definitely had no involvement whatsoever in the heroin trade. It's only two countries, coincidentally, that had a large heroin market that we also had wars there. But whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever, bro. What do you want to live in Canada? Both of them for literally no reason. No reason.

Both. Yeah. For fucking zero reason. Well, 9-11 wasn't zero reason, bro. I know. Don't get me fired up. Don't hit me with patriotic takes. The craziest one is the takeover of Iraq,

which there was like zero evidence that it had anything to do at all. Dude, that's my favorite Chappelle sketch. What is it? Black Bush. Oh. Where he's like, well, I can't say the exact words,

but he's like, they're like, why are you exact words, but he's like, why are you invading Iraq? He's like, I'm trying to kill my father. I'm like, wait. I can't. You got to play it. But he's like, he's trying to kill my father. And then he's like, are you sure you're not trying to get oil?

And he's like, oil? What are you talking about oil? Bitch, what are you cooking? Yeah, play this. This is so good. You play that. That area is definitely right regime change real real real real try to kill my father man play that oh my god yeah no yeah I do It's so good, dude. It's so good.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Dude, the war in Iraq was ridiculous. I remember I watched it. I watched it on TV. You remember that night when we opened bombing? Oh, yeah. It was just on the news. I remember.

We were like, here's us fucking up some other city. Yeah. Boom, boom. We watched it, and I was like. You see the tracer missiles? Yeah. I remember being a kid and being like this is fucking weird yeah it was fucking weird it's what's really crazy is that they never showed the evidence of weapons of mass destruction that they should have they should have had

something that would let them go to war, but they never had any real evidence. Hey, remember when Alex Jones got sued for a billion dollars? More. And then the people that killed a million people in Iraq didn't face any repercussions? Crazy. What a time. What a time.

Huh? Isn't that nuts? Isn't that nuts? What the heck? What's the real misinformation? I that's what the heck what's the real misinformation I said what the heck yeah also like the news media a billion nine hundred and sixty five million but there's more to it's like there's more judgments that's parts funny see what I mean though like it is the funny part is them going a billion dollars What?

The funny part is that but the people that said there was weapons of mass destruction and then the people that perpetrated that lie nothing Nothing leads to the destruction the failing New York Times no repercussions nothing Are you ready for Trump Dog to come back? Yeah. I've had a couple of brewskis, dude. It's time to talk Trump Dog.

It's time to bring up, dude, he called, who did he just call? Meatball. Oh, Ron DeSantis. Meatball Ron? Meatball Ron. Unbelievable. All Ron has to do is drop 20 pounds and that goes away. He did start to lose weight.

Looks like it. He did. Getting a little presidential. Yeah. Getting ready. He was weight. Looks like it. Getting a little presidential. Yeah. Because he was bordering on Christie. Get a little chub. He was bordering on Christie. Getting a little thick. He had the makings of a Christie. Yeah, but lately he looks better. You think he's on Ozempic?

I hope not. God damn. Dude, if we have a president on fucking Ozempic. I bet he's on Ozempic. What do you think Biden's on, dude? Everything. Steroids, cocaine, Adderall, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication. What do you think they're pumping him with? IV drips of vitamins every day. I think if they were smart, they would do that to him.

They would definitely give him testosterone, definitely give him either some sort of peptides or growth hormone. He's fucking really close to the end of the line. They can't. They cannot fuck this up this bad and run him again. They will run him again if he lives. They cannot, dude. Who else?

Was he going to step down? Then you'd have to admit there was something wrong. And so then the Republicans would be like, you ran that guy for free. Obamna. They have to run Obamna. Yeah, she could win. She could win easily. She would fucking destroy those things.

She would destroy. But why would she want to do that again? Like, they already have a shit ton of money. Why would she want to control the earth? What the fuck would she want to control the entire world for? And get all the secrets to longevity experiments that are being done right now in the great desert. Yeah.

Brock gets to come back? Yeah. Yeah. He gets to come back as the first man. Tell you who doesn't want that is fucking Yemen. They're going, God damn, I hope that guy doesn't come back. Right. That guy that just bombed us.

That drone happy dude. He just bombed the fuck out of us. Yeah. That's funny. Like over here, we're all like yeah we did it human rights nobel peace prize they just bombed the shit out of yemen anyway yeah the international conflicts that are going on all the time that no one thinks about it's so much so that if you had a guess will there ever be a time where there's no war ever like no war one day ever

is that ever possible i would say no no i'd say no it's not possible there is that peace phase of no major world powers and we're kind of running into it now with russia ukraine but like the top whatever 50 gdp countries never fighting yeah that's good sorta that's the closest we can get to peace but if someone like putin decides to use nukes if we like funding a proxy war through ukraine if he gets to this point where he realizes his losses are too high or something's too wrong and he wants to prove a point and he's like i'm just gonna shoot a tactical nuke into a fucking apartment building i'm like okay what do you want to do now because uh i might just launch these towards chicago you fucking cunts leave me alone it's just not we're

not getting a balanced story either you know there's not there's very little discussion about what led them to do that about nato encroaching closer and closer to the Russian border while trying to get them to join NATO. Yeah. There's very little discussion about that. It's not that it justifies what Putin did. It certainly doesn't. But for whatever reason, the news wants to ignore all the steps that led to this. Sure.

And not say, hey, maybe you guys should stop fucking around in these countries this way. Yeah, I hear you. There's probably something. There's probably something with fucking energy and something weird. And also with military spending. I mean, when things are popping off,

that's when you gotta make shit. And when you make shit, you make money. Let's go. Yeah, so JFK got his fucking head blown off. that's when you gotta make shit. Yeah. And when you make shit, you make money. Yeah. Let's go. Yeah, so JFK got his fucking head blown off. Let's fucking go. He's like, maybe we shouldn't send troops in there.

Yeah. Like, are you trying to cost us a trillion dollars, dude? Geraldo Rivera was the guy that showed that to the world. Oh, the Zapruder. Yeah. Yeah.

Remember? I don't, but I've seen it, yeah. That video's wild. It's Dick Gregory and Geraldo Rivera and some other cat. Yeah. And they watch the president's head fall off. I know. The guy's everywhere.

Popular comedian back then. Yeah. That's what he was doing. And he brings a fucking video of the Zapruder film onto a talk show. He's like, hey, everybody check this shit out. You get to watch Kennedy's head explode on TV. Imagine you're at home. Who the fuck knows what's on it?

I'm looking at the TV guide, right? Remember the TV guide? Were you around for TV guides? Yeah, I was. Or you would get a TV guide on the Sunday paper. Tell you what all the shows are that are on. Yeah. And so you go, oh, okay.

Dick Gregory, the comedian, is going to be on the Geraldo Rivera show. I'm going to check it out. I'll check it out. And then you're watching. Boom. The president's head explodes. You're like, what the fuck? Yeah.

Dude. How about a heads up? No pun intended. It's not a pun intended. Yeah, that had to be, especially back then. Yeah, you didn't even know what was going to be on. Geraldo Rivera is fired. Dude, he's everywhere.

Remember the Al Capone's vault? No, but then they opened it. It was nothing. I never saw it. I never saw it. It was like a big live on TV special. Here we go. And they chipped through the walls.

Empty room. Yeah. That's it. Well, thanks for tuning in. Probably got good ratings. Everyone was watching it. Yeah. Yeah.

And then he went and interviewed the guys defending the opium fields. The poppy fields. Yeah. What a life that guy's had guys defending the opium fields. The poppy fields. Yeah, what a life that guy's had. He's like, nice, good Marines you got here. These are great Marines. What are you guys doing? Defending poppies? Garden heroin?

Oh, it's part of their culture. Yep, part of their culture. Back to you guys at the desk. Well, what the fuck are we doing here? Part of their culture. Preserving heroin. Yeah. I don't know.

It's tough, because there's a part of you, like, you want to, like, I recognize I have no idea what's going on. So, there's a part of you that wants to just be like, fuck it, I'll just live my life. There's nothing I can do about it. Yeah. And then there's a part where you're like, well, if you can help, try. But I guess I'd have to do the research to get involved. You know what I mean? Right.

If the prospect of nuclear war is out there. I just, I don't think we're really going to be able to help that. You're right. But I think that's also the attitude that people have that allows them to get away with things for as long as they have. Yeah, everyone just goes, fuck it, I can't do it. Yeah, everyone goes, fuck it, I can't do anything about that. It's very sketchy. I mean, if it wasn't for world leaders no

one would have any conflict with large groups like these large groups of people they're led by people and they have conflicts with other people and they try to steal resources and money and fucking yeah we definitely wouldn't be trying to fight vietnam no we're not the proof is in the fact that we don't fight with each other state to state. There's no difference between state to state and there is country to country except for constitutions and laws and this and that. But as long as the people can communicate, like if you're going to a place that also speaks the language that you speak, who gives a shit? In America, you can go anywhere, right? You can go to New Mexico. You can go to Florida.

Nobody treats you like you're an invader, right? And everybody kind of gets along. But it's country to country that shit gets weird. Now, why? It doesn't make any sense. Why would it? If everything was like the states. Yeah, it's just a little shit talking.

But imagine, because in continents, right, inside the United States, it doesn't happen, what happened during the Civil War, right? Sure. But it's rare. For the most part, it works out. Happen once. And you can go around and do whatever the fuck you want. Why can't that be the case for the whole goddamn world? Well, of course it can. Leaders that want to push arms closer to borders and leaders that want to violate treaties and leaders that want to push things and come up with better weapons and have them pointed towards your city.

And yeah, it's so exhausting. Yeah, but I get it, though. As soon as I leave this country, like I was in Canada last week, I was like, America's number one, dude. Fuck your country. Especially during COVID. You had to see how ridiculous it is. Anytime I go to another country, I'm like, dude, America's fucking number one. Do you think Trump's going to win?

If they run Biden, either DeSantis or Trump will win. They can't run Biden. Even though he was the most popular president of all time. How about that? Most votes ever? Well, he is the best. What? He's the best. So if you... There's nothing there.

What would you... What would you do? Is it Gavin Newsom? What would you do? Elizabeth Warren? Like who? Michelle. Michelle. Michelle Obama. If she wants to do it. Obama. She would win. Yeah, she would win. She would win off just... She would wants to do it. Obama. She would win. Yeah, she would win.

She would win off just, she would fuck those dudes up. Yeah. Unless so many people have been red-pilled because of this administration and all the wackiness that the bubble people, because it was always kind of 50-50 anyway. The bubble people might go towards that because there's so much insanity on the left here's the bummer is i was i was talking with uh i was with norman and list and ari and we were doing a show and we were talking afterwards about how like you know the classic like fucking things seem to be relaxing a little as far as like the woke like the all that shit you know what i mean but But I was like, it's going to get worse.

The second this election starts ramping up, we're going to go right back into it. Especially if it's Trump. It's going to go right back to where we just were. Yeah. Especially when people think there's a real threat of him winning. Yeah. They'll get very hysterical. And if you don't think that's the case-

We're going to go right back. My favorite gif in all of the internet is that lady with the sock hat and the glasses on her knees when Trump won. Screaming. Screaming. It's one of the greatest. That was the thing. That was the thing. I didn't vote for Trump, but man, when that guy won, I was like.

Dude, immediately I was like, yo. Dude, if he wins again, do you know? First of all, how is he? He's all fat and everything, and he's 78, right? But he's so alert. I know. He's giving speeches, and I'm like, damn, that guy's got the juice again. He's got the juice.

He sounds great. I want to see if DeSantis swings at him. That'll be interesting. If he fights back. He calls a meatball Ron. Yeah. Ron. He said that's crude. He's not going to say it as well. I was just looking up. Ron said that once, but he him Meatball Ron. Yeah. Ron. He said that's crude.

He's not going to say it as well. I was just looking up. Ron said that. He said it once, but he's not going to say it. Oh, that's how he talks shit. Yeah, he goes, I'm not going to say that. What'd you call him? Meatball Ron?

I would never say that. It is so funny. Who was it? One of them with pussy. It might have been Ted Cruz or Marco Rubio. He called him pussy. There was a lady in the crowd, and she he's a pussy and he goes what'd you say and she yelled it again he was like he could tell no one else heard it he goes she called him a pussy I would never say that he said that out loud in a microphone bro yeah come man. He's got comic timing.

He's a pussy. That's terrible. I would never call him a pussy. He's a pussy. That's terrible. During a campaign rally in New Hampshire, Trump hit back, then rivaled Ted Cruz by quoting a woman in the audience who called the Texas senator a pussy. She just said a terrible thing. You do it.

She just said a terrible thing. You know what she said? Shout it out. Okay. You're not allowed to say it. I won't say it. She called him a terrible thing. You know what she said? Shout it out. Okay. You're not allowed to say it. I won't say it. She called him a pussy. Crowd went nuts, dude.

Oh, yeah. He said, I never expect to hear that from you again. That's terrible. He like fake scolded her while smiling. You shouldn't say that. You called him a pussy. Dude. That was the president.

And he won. And he won. It's going to be interesting to see what happens. I think it's a mess because, you know, by just trying to get someone into the office as a Democrat and picking Biden because he was the most likely to win, they put themselves in a terrible position where he's like he's way too old. And everybody knows it. There's a lot of people that won't vote for him just because of his age. And they're scared that Kamala Harris is going to be president.

She's his vice president again. Like, dude, that's a mess. That's a mess. Nobody wants that. That's not working out right now. I think we all realize we fucked up a little. Yeah. You see Joe talk, you go, ooh.

Yeah. We just wanted to be done with the fucking circus. But who would they get? Who's, like, effective? wanted to be done with the fucking circus. But who would they get? Who's effective? It's really just Michelle Obama. I mean, you could see other people having an impact. Yeah. Again, I don't—

Gavin Newsom, if he hadn't fucked up during COVID, if COVID didn't happen, Gavin Newsom was fast-tracked to be the president. But Gavin Newsom's like DeSantis, where I'm like, once people hear him talk, you're going to go, oh. Like, Gavin Newsom's like DeSantis where I'm like once people hear him talk you're gonna go oh like Gavin Newsom's just doing Obama but doing Obama the difference is people don't like Gavin Newsom in his own state they just take him over Republican yeah and people love DeSantis people love DeSantis in Florida they get but but there are people that love it like he has fans I him. I don't

think Gavin Newsom has a lot of fans. Here's what I think about DeSantis. Yeah, I hear you for sure. He got busted wearing no mask at a restaurant when everyone's supposed to be masked. I think with DeSantis, I don't know enough about him. I think people love the idea of DeSantis where they're like

Florida fucking said fuck COVID. They did their thing. They love the idea of DeSantis but nobody's ever heard him talk nobody's ever seen him talk and when you do you go oh fuck this guy's a dork they go god damn it this is another dork I've seen him talk a bunch of times I know I'm just talking about the general public I think when they see him talk right now I'm sure he's doing fine in approval but nobody's seen him and when he talks especially if he starts trying to talk shit back and forth with Trump. Yeah, that's going to get ugly. It's going to split that.

It's going to be fun. Meatball Ron. Meatball Ron. Oh, my God. It's so exciting. Yeah, it'll be fun. The spectacle will be fun. The spectacle will be fun, but then it's also the same prospect every time.

I never feel good about who's going to be the president. It's always like, okay. Yeah, it'll be sad. It's never like anybody that really is coming along that's going to revamp the system in some sort of meaningful way. And the only way to do that is to take money out. They're never going to do that. So let's just fucking keep telling jokes. Yeah, fuck it.

That's what Trump's good for. Yeah, we'll just keep telling jokes. Trump's way better for us. Yeah, fuck it. That's what Trump's good for. Yeah. We'll just keep telling jokes. Trump's way better for us. Yeah. In terms of material? Trump's good for material, but he's bad for the culture of comedy. How so? People get way more touchy.

Right. Because all the race and transphobia and homophobia, that gets ramped up big time. Right. So then people actually get sensitive. I wonder if that's going to ramp up again or if that's run its cycle. That shit worked tremendously. Yeah. Yeah.

They're going to run that playbook again for sure. All right, dude. Let's wrap this up. Fucking right. We got shit to do. Yeah. All right. I hope I wasn't totally incoherent there.

No, no. It's been fun. We've been having a good time. Remember the shit hoarder? Yeah, shit hoarder was awesome. All right. I hope I wasn't totally incoherent there. No, no. It's been fun. We've been having a good time. Remember the shit hoarder? Yeah, shit hoarder was awesome. All right. I just have to pee again. So I figured it's a good time to wrap it up.

Bye, everybody.