The Joe Rogan Experience - #1960 - Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: March 24, 2023

Andrew Schulz is a stand-up comic, actor, and podcaster. He's the host of the "Flagrant 2" podcast with Akaash Singh, and the "Brilliant Idiots" podcast with Charlamagne Tha God. His latest special, "Infamous", is available on YouTube. http://www.theandrewschulz.com/

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. What's happening, big dog? What's up, my man? Hey, first archery shot ever. Oh, that was cool. 40 yards with an 80-pound compound bow. You got it right in the fucking vitals.

It was cool. That's an amazing thing. You should probably quit now. Yeah. I mean, to take, first of all, the bow's not even set up for you. The way the bow is set up is for me, I have shorter arms than you. You would have a longer draw length, so you have to kind of like move your body a little,

and you sense at that peep sight. Bro, that's a long shot for a first shot ever in a bow, 40 yards in an indoor range, and you got it right in the vitals. Yeah. Now, what were you thinking when I struggled to pull it back? Normal. It's weird. Oh, that is a common thing that happened.

Yeah. Oh, you didn't have any excuses, at least. Brian Callen had a fucking. Wait, what did he say? I'm reading a scroll my labor probably technique you know so no it's it's a strength thing yeah i mean it is technique but it's just 80 pounds is 80 pounds yeah it's a lot of weight i have a new respect for uh for bow and arrow folks it's hard yeah it's very hard but it's really satisfying like it puts in

perspective like the people who can do it on horseback, you know, you see it in the movies and shit like that. And I don't know why I didn't think it was that hard. But that's a next level thing. The horseback thing is crazy. The Mongols would time their shot when the horse was in the air. Yeah. So when the horse was in the air, then they would release it.

Yes. So there would be less disturbance, less jolt on their body. So was that, we always talk about like Genghis Khan and how he was able to take over the world. Was the competitive advantage horseback weaponry? They had a lot of things going for them. They had strategy, first of all. They had devious, wild strategies. Like they would set people up.

Like they would send a small party out and those people would go after the small party and chase them down. They would lead them into a canyon filled with Mongols and just slaughter everybody and block the exit. They would hold a siege. They would attack a city

and they would bring so much food and so many supplies. They could just camp outside to starve until everybody starved out and then they would start killing people and lighting them on fire and putting them on catapults and Launching them over the walls and light their own houses on fire with the dead bodies of people they killed that's motivational Bro, yeah, those motherfuckers killed 10% of the population That's the crazy thing like I Don't know. I always wonder about these times like like what was like the Roman Empire's advantage

And you know some people chalk it up to like roads like why was Kangas gang is con so effective But at a certain point time it has to be technology right there was something a lot going on It was the knowledge of the recurve bow they were really good at recurve bows they had catapults and they just had like genghis khan just had this unquenchable desire to take over the world yeah it's really crazy that you know no one's scared of the mongols now you know but then when one of those dudes fights in the UFC, you're like, Jesus. Wait, who's Mongolian in the UFC? Let's see.

Who do we have? The Mongolian murderer. That's one dude. But there's people from that Caucasus region of the world. Like, there's a lot of people from Kazakhstan and Dagestan. So all the stans are remnants of the Mongolian Empire. Yeah, those guys that look a little Asian. Yeah.

Rachmanov. Yeah. Shavkat Rachmanov. Shav guys that look a little Asian. Yeah. Yeah. Rachmaninoff. Yeah. Shavkat Rachmaninoff. Shavkat Rachmaninoff. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Kind of a beast.

That motherfucker's so good. But they're just so tough over there. It's just crazy that they took over the whole world at one point in time and then it all went away. That's a lesson for America to learn because Americans have this idea that we are the centerpiece of the military of the world. This is it. This is the baddest fucking army that's ever existed, bro. No one's going to stop us.

But the reality is like every single civilization that has been in control has gone under. They all go under. Now, did those civilizations have nukes? No. No. That's the problem. That's the tricky thing. Yeah.

The problem is if we go out, we go out ugly. But unless China is clever and they slowly dismantle our power grid and slowly pollute our country with like bombing chemical factories and do it slow over a long period of time like if you were a real conspiracy theorist like one of them reddit let's go you would think that China would not do a big thing but a constant series of small things that people get accustomed to. Yeah. You know, cyber warfare, they would start, you know, hacking into Google servers, Amazon

servers, crash everything, financial disruption, crash power grids. Do it slow. Do it over decades. You got plenty of time. As long as you don't nuke United States first, they're not going to nuke you. We already did that once. We're not going to do that. If anybody is going to be a first bomber,

it's not going to be us. It's not going to be us. There's no way. That's a problem. That's a strategic problem. Because we're all worried about Putin. What if Putin gets back to the corner? What if Ukraine starts winning? What if this? What if that?

What if Putin really does have cancer? What if he decides to go out with a bang? We're worried about that. No one's worried. What if Biden just nukes China? What if Biden's like, what's this, TikTok? You don't want to talk? You don't want to talk?

You don't want to tell us about the code? How about this? Boom! Never. Never. How about this? Boom! Never. Never. We would never think that the Biden administration would go and nuke someone. Never. And they know that. And because they know that, they're comfortable. Yeah. So you could do sneaky things. I would do sneaky things. If I was China or if I was Russia or if I was Iran, if I was some country that didn't like us, I would do sneaky things.

So is that the concern with tick-tock? Oh, yeah, there was some fascinating conversations today because it looks like they're gonna ban it For sure. They're not telling the truth like the way this CEO was talking to the senator today is like, oh my god It's like they just want to say whatever they have to say to get out of there Well, he doesn't answer the questions he dances around and the senator keeps trying to say that they have to say to get out of there. Like he doesn't answer the questions. He dances around. And the senator keeps trying to say, that's a yes or no question. That's a yes or no question. Like these dudes have been sending data to China from day one.

And they're doing something with that data. They're accumulating. They're finding out how coordinated our kids are. They got facial recognition on all of them. That's what the dances are about. They're just trying to find out how coordinated bro wow every TikTok trend is just a little bit

a little information about our youth hmm also how easily like led they are you could get them to that app well clout is the currency it's clout but they have so many things going for them first of all it's very easy to get a big following there it's very easy to get a big following there.

It's very easy to get shared. Instantaneous, it feels. You can blow up. So that gets people excited about it and they use it. And it's genuinely a really good portal for creativity. Some people do some interesting shit on there. It's amazing. I almost think it's our fault it's successful because we didn't think of it. We need some responsibility here.

Like, why is another country coming up with the best form of social media? That's on us. We dominated social. That's Adam Curry's theory. What did he say? Adam Curry doesn't believe it's any different in the way it gathers data than what the American social media platforms. He's a distributor of that data.

He just thinks that, no, this is just China kicking our ass, and we want to stop them from doing that. Yeah. That we're not doing things that are that much different than what they're doing i don't know if that's true well i don't know just adam is very smart though yeah no i think that there's something to that it's like you want to win the culture war and we've done that so well right like we had all these movies these tv shows that like shared our culture around the world and that culture was romantic it's sexy you. You go watch fucking Top Gun, you go watch Maverick and you're just like, oh my God,

how amazing is it to be American? How about when Rocky wins with American shorts on? Got American flag shorts on? The best. Away game too. You know what I mean? Like over there running in the snow. The Russians are cheering for him.

If we can change, you can change. We all change. 30 years later, same fucking problem. Same fucking problem. I remember when that problem went away. I remember when the wall came down, we were so relaxed. It was amazing. Wait, wait, wait.

Take me back to this. There's a time. When I was in high school, okay, in the 1980s, I was a freshman in 1981. And back then, we were terrified of war with Russia. It was a terrifying fear of a nuclear war with the Soviet Union. And break this down to me. So it's like, you're watching the news and they keep, is there like fear mongering? Do you death. Look, it's always been if it bleeds, it leads in the news. We talk about how bad the news is today, but the reality is like 5 o'clock news, when you get home from work, it was always the worst shit that happened. Double homicide in Brooklyn. It's always the worst shit of the day.

And also out of perspective because it's the worst shit out of millions and millions Of people right but the big one was always Russia And you would see the Soviet Union and you know you would see their leaders And you would see their army and it was terrifying yeah, they were the last great communist Empire Yeah, you know before China right before China really blew up militarily. Yeah back then we weren't worried about China Everybody was worried about the Soviet you felt fear a hundred percent She's younger than me and she felt the same thing and some of my other friends I asked them they grew up in different parts of the country and they were like, oh, yeah

Everyone was scared scared of the fucking Russians man Like there was all those movies like Red Dawn where the Russians invade we kicked her fucking ass Like there was all those movies like Red Dawn where the Russians invade. We kicked their fucking ass. Send them back home. You know, that was what everybody was afraid of. And then the wall fell. And so when the wall fell and the Soviet Union collapsed, we have to realize like that was a monumental change in the world.

People relaxed. We relaxed. I was like, thank God. There's no more war anymore. So what year is this? What was year was the? Collapse of the wall. What's what year they blow that I want to say I Was a 89 90 so then the 90s comes on and then in here was a Jimmy

89 okay, so 90s so the 90s along, and no one's worried about war anymore. Yes. Is there a cultural apathy? Well, there's a lot of bad things were made in the 90s. Some of the worst American cars that have ever existed were made during the 90s. We got real sloppy in the 90s. I look at, like, one of the things I look about with America, like how in tune America is, what's their cars like? what's their cars like?

What's their cars like so space race? produces some of the most beautiful cars at space race and psychedelic drugs So space race is wet correlation 60s. Yes So you have all the cars that are coming out these two 50s 63 was when Kennedy says you want the first man on the moon So they're using all that crazy space influence or like spaceship influence on the cars. And there's no restrictions, right? Not much.

Not much space influence, really. I mean, some of these big, like, what is it? The big Cadillacs and stuff like that. They look like a fucking spaceship, right? They do. Yeah, the old ones. And there was no restrictions, right? Like, you didn't have to go, okay, it has to have this much gas mileage.

Right, none of that. No airbags. You could just make whatever the fuck you wanted to make. And then, okay, so that goes away. And then psychedelics are 70s. Well, psychedelics are 60s. Oh, yes. And then in 1970, they passed this sweeping Schedule I psychedelic act that makes all those drugs schedule one forbidden drugs all the drugs that

are non-toxic like psilocybin like things that your body makes like dimethyltryptamine all those things that's dmt yeah all those things become schedule one and then automobile design drops off a fucking cliff i mean mean, drops off a cliff. It's not totally, I mean, there's a correlation. It's maybe not totally the cause because it coincides with the gas crisis. So there's a gas crisis. Now you have to consider gas mileage in a car. That's interesting.

That's right. So 70s is, what happens? When do we remove the gold standard from the dollar? That's a good question. 73 or something like that? This is good tequila, dude. This is yours? Not bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? Los Sundays. Dude, it's very tasty. It's good, right? The repos are crazy. Yeah, it's very tasty. I was prepared for some fucking antifreeze. No, no, no.

It was good. They're legit. But yeah, and then we get, what is it? There's the whole petrodollar thing that comes on after that where they have to. I'm not aware of all that stuff. I'm not good at that stuff. I think this is just where we make the deal where it's like oil has to be sold in U.S. dollars. And now we have a backing for the dollar. When for a while we didn't. Right. When we remove that gold standard. Who is it? Nixon removed the gold standard. was it Nixon that removed the gold standard? 71. And now we're in that situation right now where most oil is sold in U.S. dollars. And then those countries that decide not to, if we're going to

get conspiratorial, those people who have decided maybe they won't sell it in U.S. dollars, they have difficulty staying in power. Yeah. That's always been the game plan, right? Yeah. FDR did it in 33, but then also Nixon did it, I'm not sure which. that's always been the game plan right yeah what does that mean then how's it we should have to real economist work through this we'll fuck this up but also we could just talk shit and it doesn't matter because we're not experts so we just stay exactly that's so funny that people get upset by that like, this is a conversation that I would have whether or not cameras are on or not. Yeah. So you just got to be able to deal with that. That's it. Don't take anything we say seriously.

Bro, especially us. Yeah. We're literal professional clowns. Yeah. I was messaging you, I think, about after we had Ben, Ben Van Kirkwick on the pod, and Uncharted X x the guy who's the pyramid yes yes he's great he's he's great and uh everybody was like dude it's so awesome uh shane gillis's dad showed up to the pond and i was like what and i guess they think that he looks

like shane an older version of shane but what i loved about the pyramid conspiracy is that the stakes are so low right there's no pedophilia. Nothing. Nobody's dying. Nothing. It's like, did it happen? Did it not happen? It's just, how old is this civilization?

Is it 4,000? Is it 10,000? But do you know that even with that, because Graham Hancock has a whole series. They call you racist. They just call him racist. I'm not saying that black people didn't still do it. It's just older black people. 100% was black people.

Yeah, yeah. It was 100% people in Africa. The pyramids were 100% was black people. Yeah. Yeah, it was 100% 100% built by people who lived in Africa. Yes, that's it All Graham Hancock is saying is that it's very likely that the entire world experienced a cataclysmic disaster around 11,000 800 12,000 years ago somewhere in that that range, and it knocked us back into the Stone Age. But those people who were around before that were probably more sophisticated than we are.

We just have a hard time imagining that because we don't have any evidence of it. And we just don't think that the execution matches up with the technology. If we found some tech that would make sense, I think that we could go, okay, maybe this did happen 4,000 years ago Whatever it is, but so far the idea of like a chisel and a stone

Carving all these blocks and then people just dragging them in the sand. I think it seems a little bit unreasonable There's some real problems with that. There's some real problems with the actual physical limitations of the size of these obelisks where they're cutting them in the mountains and they have to move them hundreds of miles like how are you getting them out of the mountains like what are you what are you doing yeah this is like 2 000 tons yeah what the fuck are you saying yeah you said it uh i think i was listening to the pod with you guys and you were like if i was if i was elon musk i'd just build one and I get that to a certain extent. I don't know if you could. I really don't know if you could.

I think we could. Do you know if you cut and place 10 stones a day, it would take you 664 years to make the pyramid? That might be wrong. But there's 2,300,000 stones in the Great Pyramid.

You need to go, man. I know, I do. You need to go. It was the craziest thing that I've seen that humans have made. Like, awe-inspiring. Talking to Ben, talking to Randall Carlson, talking to Graham Hancock, I more and more think that we just have to use our imagination. Yeah.

Because we're thinking of technology only as technology that we just have to use our imagination yeah because we're thinking of technology only as technology that we've implemented like these microphones and cell phones and shit but it's possible there was a completely different branch of technology yeah and they had figured out something that allowed them to manipulate enormous stones yeah we just haven't figured it out i mean just think about like this like imagine there was this cataclysm, right? Within 100 years, like, this idea of Wi-Fi is non-existent to people. Non-existent. It's a story that you tell.

So, wait, what do you mean? The internet? Yeah, exactly. It's just absurd. It doesn't exist. You can't hold on to it. Right. So, right now, we're looking for all these tools that you can hold on to and can build

things with. And that makes sense to us. But we can't conceive of this technology that existed just in the air. How would you describe Wi-Fi to some dude that you met in an Amazonian tribe? You wouldn't. You couldn't?

You couldn't. It's the same way that like, do you fuck with the chat GPT thing at all? Yeah. Okay, I don't even know what to ask it because I'm not familiar enough with what AI can do. So I would still ask it like Google questions because that's what I'm fluent in. Yeah.

Does that make sense? I think you can talk to chat GPT-4 as if it's a god. So I would just – I got some questions. Right? Am I closed? Sure. Maybe chat GBT5? Can we chat GBT now?

If you tell it it's a god, it'll definitely start talking to you. Wait, can we talk to it now? Yeah, you can talk to it. Hey, you know who invented Wi-Fi? Who? Hedy Lamarr. Who's that? The actress.

That's true, right? It's not Bluetooth, right? It was Wi-Fi she invented. Is that correct? That's true, right? It's not Bluetooth, right? It was Wi-Fi she invented. Is that correct?

Hedy Lamarr, who was this gorgeous actress, was a brilliant woman who had quite a few inventions. Technically both. Yeah. Stunning. Although she died in 2000, Lamarr was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame for the development of her frequency hopping technology in 2014. She did it way before 2014, though. Such achievement has led Lamar to be dubbed the mother of Wi-Fi and other wireless communications like GPS and Bluetooth. And why did she invent this?

For playback or something like that? No, I think she was a scientist before she was an actress. She was just hot and no one gave a fuck. I mean, she is stunning. She was so hot. Yeah. She was so hot. Yeah. She was so hot. Is that a function of our age?

Do you know Leah Lamar, the stand-up? Yeah, yeah. That's her relative? Relative, yes. Wow. Because I had this bit about Hedy Lamar in my act. And Leah had to talk to you about it? And Leah came up to me and she goes,

That's my grandma. I think it's either a grandmother or her great aunt or something like that. It's one of those. But yeah, that's why. And Leah's beautiful too. But Hedy Lamarr was a smoke show back when they were dragging women around by their hair back then. Really? Dark ages.

Yeah, that's like slapping women in the movies was standard. Yeah, there was early Bond films. Oh, God. Were wild, man. You ever see Steve McQueen smack the shit out of, who is it, Ali, who was the woman he did that movie with? Ali Sheedy, is that who it was? I forget who it was, the actress, but there's a scene where he's beating her fucking ass. It's horrible.

Yeah, yeah. Because he's actually hitting her. Yeah. And you could tell, like, she probably didn't know it was coming. Yeah. And she's got to be in the moment. Yeah. Ali McGraw.

Ali McGraw. Yeah. It's horrible to watch, dude. But this was like how men behaved. Oh, this is the woman. This is the actress. Did you watch the, what is that show about the making of The Godfather? No, I didn't see that.

I was talking about, but I didn't. That was brilliant. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is the perspective all fucked up? I'm not sure. The perspective, everyone's all narrow. Everyone has narrow heads and shit. It's too bad.

She was a beautiful woman. Give me some volume. Oh, you don't have headphones on. Oh, okay. It's okay. You don't have to give me. It's actually playing Smack My Bitch Up. This is horrible, man.

Like, he's actually hitting her. Watch this. He's actually hitting her. And he's threatening to punch her in the face. Yeah. And she starts crying. And he hits her again. How common-

Bro, this was normal back then. Yeah, I'm wondering, like, how common when you were a kid- It was normal. To see, like, a man hit a woman? I think it was normal. I think for all of human history, it was normal until people started watching it and then what the fuck yeah So media came along yeah, and you could see I think people hit their kids. I think people hit their wives I think people hit each other. What was the transition though?

Media so as people got to see it yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you just got to see it You didn't see what the kid did to get hit. Right. You just see the kid getting hit. You're like, how could you? Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to hit kids. Yeah. Like, you don't have to hit kids. You would never discipline.

Never. You don't have to do that. They want you to love them. Okay, question. They make mistakes. You got to communicate with them. I have a question about that. What about when they are, how do you communicate with a child before he understands verbal commands and how do you communicate right from wrong? Well, I mean, before they understand verbal commands, you're talking about babies, right? They don't really, I mean, they can't even walk yet. They start to talk. My daughter started talking when she was nine months old. Is that early she's walking then too she's walking and talking very early one of my daughters um but the other one was like a year

but uh what i'm saying is like when their verbal commands are just learning things like they're babies they can't do anything yeah they can't even run away from you yeah they're little tiny babies so at that age you're not even teaching right from wrong. You are. You are, but you're talking to them. You talk to them with sweetness, but you always talk. I always try to talk to my children like they are an adult that I respect. You're very sweet with the youth.

I think it's important. But it's a side of you that I don't know a lot of people see. Like you had your niece at the club the other night, and you were so sweet with her. And it was a cool side to see. The club is just fantastic. The club's wild, right? It was so cool. It's a dream, dude.

I know. It's a dream that I didn't even have. I didn't even have that dream. I didn't want to own a club. Yeah, no comic goes into it going, I want to own a club. Yeah. And then you do it. But it was an interesting thing like i had this

weird sensation i said yesterday but i was just like i'm like proud of you but i don't mean that in like a i don't know patronizing way like i'm genuinely proud of you but there's a specific thing and i was thinking about this last night when i went back about the club and you kept talking about like this way of like funneling and nurturing talent. You're like, yeah, these are the comics that are going to come up and we're going to invest in these like local Texas comics. And then they're going to go do these shows around the world or around the country. And we're going to send, what was it? The, this is the mothership, the mothership presents and it's in all these, you know, comedy clubs around.

presents and it's in all these you know comedy clubs around and i thought of the club and i did both of the rooms and the rooms do separate things for comedic growth that is really important yeah that little room teaches intimacy and connection yeah you can't just go up there and say words right you have to connect with them yeah sometimes in big rooms you can just say words and you don't have to connect because the connection is a little bit off there's a little bit of a filter so you can perform which is another thing you have to learn but the small rooms which is a lot of the times the new york guys that we get really good at is like those laughs die quick so you better tag up that joke you better punch it up hard you better make sure you're cooking it is there's like a pace that you can kind of build yeah so the small room they get to learn how to really fucking put your foot on somebody you know another thing

that comes out of the these rooms on the East Coast is the cold weather cold weather makes people impatient they don't want to hear your bullshit it's freezing outside yeah go go go go go Jesus fucking Christ they get. They don't want to be you'd be lallygag I was saying that same shit He's like if you even think about like like music and like rap like rap in New York bar Yeah, it's melodic And beautiful for both reasons, but I thought about this more and then I did the big room first And I'm not gonna be like I was concerned about the big room

You were concerned because you said to me was something about the big room first and i'm not gonna be like i was concerned about the big room you were concerned because you said to me something about the big murder you were like now it was fun but you said to me you were like it's the most honest room but it was you're honestly hilarious yeah but so there's no issues but that word honest is usually used when like let's have an honest conversation it's never like you're beautiful you know babe can i be honest with you you're beautiful. You know what I mean? Babe, can I be honest with you? You're beautiful. You're gorgeous. You're amazing.

That's never, right? So I was like, that's an interesting adjective to use to describe the room. And then I went up and it was awesome. And there was an energy and there was an excitement and the room was great and it also offered this other side of standup that I think a lot of people that come up in the small rooms don't necessarily develop the skill set until they're on the road which is

filling space and it was like you can learn to step on them and that's how I came up in New York boom boom boom boom boom and then you go do 3,000 seats how are you gonna fill that yeah how are you gonna absorb that and I was watching Ron White go up there and that's a perfect example of just like kinetic energy. You're just watching him fuck. He's like the Black Panther suit. You know what I mean?

Just like absorbing everything, absorbing everything and then push back. That dude hits and holds punchlines better than anybody alive. Masterful, masterful. He hits them and he has a big ass fucking smile on his face. You know him and like Tony

Woods. You ever watch Tony Woods? Those guys are masters. It just absorb, absorb, absorb. And then like, I don't know. I just feel like if, if that goal is, which what you said yesterday is like really nurturing this talent and like creating comedians that can be great comedians, you've built a space that can do that. Yeah, we built it specifically for that. So instead of making it so that there's big name headliners and you charge a lot of money for every ticket, instead of making money that way, what we decided to do was just don't think about that.

Just think about what's the best place to develop comedy and how do we develop comedy properly? Well, one, you have to have open mics two nights a week so we have open mics Sunday and Monday yeah and then we also have experimental shows were like crowd suggestions they write them down the bottom of the barrel Brian Simpson's Brian Simpson's show dude that was and then you get bits from it like the beauty of those shows yeah is is I think there's a Jeremiah has has one, the stand up on the spot too. And it's like, you get bits from that because you're liberated.

Like the audience knows that you're just getting this idea. Yeah. And that you're rolling with it. They used to have one out here called The Riff that was good too. It's a wheel. You spin a wheel and it would roll and you'd like pick a card and it'll like land on a card. Love. That was a good move too.

It's like the whole idea is to be able to, you just, it'd land on a card. Love. That was a good move, too. It's like the whole idea is to be able to, it's like a premise factory. Yeah. It's just like pumping out premises. Yeah. And you never fucking know, man. I've had some bits that became real good bits that I got out of doing those kind of shows.

Yeah, I don't want to say the one we were talking about yesterday so you could develop, but that's going to be one. Like, yeah, there's those feelings sometimes where you say a line. You're like, oh, yeah, this is going to be something. I really want to tell everybody. That's so fun. It's a good fucking line. Do you want to give it away?

No, no, no. I'm going to keep that. But it was just, man, it was just cool, man. It was just, there's an was just cool, man. It was just, it was, there's an energy. There's an energy. Well,

everybody is working towards the right thing. Can you talk about, I think you're going to fuck the game up with the pay too. That's, can we talk about that? Let's not talk about that. We don't need to talk about that. People don't need to know what people getting paid. You are a good man and you care about comedians.

I'll say that. You won't say it, but I will say it for you. And you're going to fuck some people up with this shit. Well, the whole idea is just to make the best possible place for stand-ups to perform. What Joe's trying to say is the whole idea is for him to make no money. It's for comedians to make all the goddamn money. Well, my idea is to make it so that the, well, my only goal is to the club break even. Yeah.

I'm like, I don't care if it makes money. I make a lot of money. Yeah, yeah. Do you? I'm not worried about money. Yeah. Have you done okay? I don't worry about money.

Yeah. But I worry about- I shot a bow and arrow inside today. 40 yards. I know you're doing okay. But it's like, so that's not what I'm interested in what I'm interested in is like what would be the best case scenario you know I always talk about when we were kids if someone said oh if you had all this money what would you do well I'd make the best fucking comedy club

and I'd set it up just for comedians yeah so I'm like why don't you just do that yeah so I just did it yeah that was it's crazy yeah it's awesome and the staff's awesome yeah the best people from the comedy store i mean i already told you i was going to come down when when you opened and uh but i will say after that week like the energy that i saw from it i was like oh wow yeah something's going on over here yeah but i and i and listen i was also one of these people who were like, Austin can't sustain a comedy club. There's not enough people.

I think I told you that. I was like, I didn't know if it was possible. Now, granted, you have a pretty good batting average with the things you care about. Like, so far, I think you're batting, like, 1,000% on the things that you want to do. Well, if you really like something and you do it, it's infectious. Yeah. You know, if you really like something and you do it, it's infectious.

Yeah. You know, if you really love what you do, it's infectious. But I think with Austin specifically, one of the things I didn't realize is that, like, comedy is the professional sport here. You don't have a basketball team. You don't have a football team. You have a college football team. We've got a dope soccer team.

You've got a soccer team, right? But for people who are not gay, there's there's there's there's you know, you don't run around kicking balls all day. That's why. But comedy, I feel like, is the professional

sport here. And the people who are in that ecosystem have become the professional athletes. Well, for people who are in that ecosystem have become the professional athletes Well for people who are comedy fans Imagine that this happens imagine if you're a comedy fan and the whole world shuts down But Texas doesn't yeah, and then people like looking at text like what's good? How are they partying over there? What's going on over there? And then some people come and visit and then you know

So maybe some people know people who got sick and got better real quick. And maybe some people start getting skeptical. And maybe some people start saying, well, I haven't been sick in 10 fucking years. Am I the same as some fat guy who smokes cigarettes? Like, what the fuck is going on here? And you get a little upset. And then the government continues to keep you shut down. You go, you know what?

I'm going to go look at Texas. And then you fly out here and you convince 12 world-class comedians to move here too. Now, if I was a comedy fan and I was living around here, I'd be like, holy shit, what is happening? That's true. Because that's never happened before. All the scenes in our lifetime and in our predecessors' lifetimes were isolated. There was the Boston scene, which is like a scene that guys would get really good at but all the good ones would leave the Burrs and the Nick DiPaolo's and the knees yeah Dane Cook's and everybody would leave you know Louis CK's Louise yeah you know

they would all Stephen Wright they'd all leave right but it was an amazing breeding ground yeah and then there was the New York scene, which is like A scene, and L.A. scene, which is like A minus. Like New York was generally better quality of comics. Because there was no other opportunity for anything else. But L.A. had the occasional Dom Herrera would stop in. But there was only those scenes. San Francisco was always a little shaky. Yeah.

It never really had, like, a rock-solid, big, booming scene. But Austin does now. Like, it does. And it didn't before. It was a small scene before. It was a good scene. You know, like, some good comics came out of here. Brendan Walsh came out of here.

You know, like, Hicks, Kinison, they were in Houston and here. But that was a long time ago. That was the 80s. What do you think it is, like all my favorite comics are from Boston. And I've been trying to like understand why that is. Because we grew up in a place where it's cold and no one gives a fuck and the women are very mean.

Dude. No, no, there's something to that. Like when the women also have a sense of humor. Yeah. Your mediocre sense of humor isn't good enough. Not good enough. You can't get laid with just regular jokes. The girls are already funny.

Scotland's like this. Yeah. All my, like, aunts and everything. It's like, they are ball busters. Like, I had to learn comedy as, like like a defense mechanism because my aunts were ruthless, ruthless, just roasting my brother, me. And we're just sitting there like, okay, I got to find a way to handle this shit. That's funny.

But yeah, I've always wondered that with Boston. And I asked a dude once and I was like, why do you think it is? And he said the same thing. But he also said like there's an arrogance to Boston too. Like this is where the nation began. Like, there's a, what is that? They're like the aristocrats. They're like the original aristocrats.

Like, a guy who's, like, roofing in Boston still is like, yeah, but I'm from Boston. And I wonder if you need that arrogance to also say the things that you want to say. arrogance to also say the things that you want to say. Sometimes you could be crippled by working class environments where you're like, I'm not any better than anybody in this town. I'm not any better than just my friends. I shouldn't go on stage and say that. Like, who do I think I am to go talk in front of these people? You need a little bit of bravado to even go after it.

There's so many variables and so many factors, but one of the factors is you need a group of guys that are dedicated to comedy and are really getting after it, and they set the bar for everybody else. That was what was happening in Boston. It was Barry Crimmins. I remember Barry Crimmins became my friend, but I was fucking terrified of that dude.

Why? Because he was the standard bearer. He would not let any hacks in. He would be angry at you if you were a hack. He was very well-versed politically. You couldn't have some bullshit argument conversation with Barry Crimmins. He would destroy you. He was ruthless.

And he was really fucking funny. And he was just like he had great political material great social material he was a working class guy and he set the standard he was the fucking man in Boston bro I was scared of him

I wanted to avoid him like rah I had to fucking go around because I thought I was an open mic-er I sucked and then when Barry Crimmins became my friend

and told me he thought I was really funny I was like oh He was the guy he was like the he was smarter than everybody else That's Barry he was smarter than everybody else and he had the highest standard of comedy He had the highest standard of comedy and he was a mentor for the rest of the group So you you see guys that pop up it that in comedy. Keith Robinson is another one. Do you know Keith? Oh, yeah.

He's ruthless. Ruthless. He is ruthless. He has the highest standard of comedy. He's absolutely hilarious. And he genuinely loves helping and putting people on. A hundred percent. And it's rare that you get that concoction.

He's beautiful. He is. I don't know if people even know the stories of him, like, driving fucking Kev up from Philly and driving a bunch of guys up from Philly and being like, hey, you need to come up here. You need to be in New York because people are going to find out about you and you're fucking great. That's beautiful.

And, dude, he's had two strokes. I know. And he's funnier. I heard he's hilarious because he's just, like, going for it. Bro. Because it's like he's dying. He don't get, I wish I could say some of this shit. I know. I know some he's funnier. I heard he's hilarious cuz he's just like going for it This is like he's dying. You don't get I wish I could say some of this. I know I know It was in the row. Yeah, it was in the Mitzies the other day. Everybody's quoting shit. I was holding my sides It is wild and you can't refute it because he's not just saying watch it to be wild He's coming from this place where it's like I had these strokes yeah yeah dude and killing i told him it's funny i i told him i think they stroked you up like i think

i think it's like you know it's a benefit in a way isn't it funny that it's almost like you need something like that to be truly free sometimes i did a theater in Miami once, and Wanda Sykes and Keith were on before me. And they both left me notes. I was waving to them on the way in. They were waving to me, what's up, what's up? They both left me notes. Wanda was the sweetest, nicest note. It was great to see you.

I hope you have a great set. Much love. Keith Robinson says, I hope you have the worst set of your fucking life. I hope you bomb in front of your stupid fans. Dude, I saved that. I have that napkin. I still have that napkin. It's interesting.

It's like you're making me think about comedy scenes and like what makes it good. You need a standard bearer it helps yeah yeah i mean you multiple standard bearers would be ideal yeah um but you do you definitely need at least one person you need someone who people will listen to that they respect yeah but maybe isn't in the stratosphere like maybe they're not you know fucking superstar megastar movie star but just as purely respected because of their stand that helps that way there's less jealousy yes here's the other thing about it is though that like in Barry's time they're really comedy was new we have really

have to understand our art form in a historical perspective. What do you want? In a historical perspective? Because our art form really didn't even branch off into what you and I do until Lenny Bruce. So what is Lenny Bruce? His era is like late 50s, early 60s. And into, like, when did Lenny die? 50s early 60s and into like when did Lenny die he died when he died the end of Lenny's career and by the way I'm a giant Lenny Bruce fan I mean if you go walk into my club one of the first things you see is a big-ass picture of Lenny Bruce so he died in 1966 and you have to understand like the last couple years of his life were completely entangled in legal battles so like the lenny bruce that we're talking about so like late 50s this guy

in literally invents an art form because it just didn't really exist that way i mean mark twain did some spoken word stuff where he read some of his books and he was apparently very funny and people talk about Mike maybe Mark Twain was like the first stand-up the first guy to do stand-up but then there was guys who just did jokes and they would like tell like two Jews walking on a bar those kind of jokes. Like the Borscht Belt comedians that were coming up. They would all steal from each other. It was like house jokes. Yeah house jokes. A lot of house jokes. There was a lot of really dumb shit. But funny, good times, whatever.

And there was guys who could deliver in an amazing way. Buddy Hackett. There was some of those guys that were killers. They were killers. Very funny guys, but it's just like, what were they working with? They were working with stone tools. And so then along comes Lenny Bruce. And Lenny Bruce starts.

He just breaks the mold. He starts looking at society. So he's looking at culture. Yeah. And sex and racism and drugs. The race stuff that he has holds up today. Today. There are jokes that he's told.

Today. There's a joke. Because I think he would go on a road with a black dude who was like a jazz musician that I think would open for him. And he would talk about the Frenchman. He'd talk about white people trying to ingratiate themselves to his black friend. And like the awkwardness that white

people have. And like the examples he's using like maybe today we'd be like are kind of hacky. But like for the first for the first person to ever say it to like see white people trying to win over a black person. Yeah.

So we have some watermelon at the party. Would you like some watermelon? That's a line that he has in it. And he's just like, but he's observing whites at a time where whites are probably integrating with blacks way more often and then not really knowing how to do it and that awkwardness. And then you got this guy, Lenny Bruce, who just fucking likes this guy. Not that he's black. He just likes this guy enjoys the music he enjoys who he is yeah he's observing other people that just are the only thing they can see him as a black dude they can't

see past that so the only way that they can relate is what they know about black people yeah and now you see that same joke you see the white people awkward around black people. That starts there. Yeah. Well, Richard took that. Like, Pryor did that after Lenny did that. Pryor was like the better version of Lenny. What Pryor was, was like what Lenny had started. Pryor was like, I got this. I got it. I'm going to take this to a new place.

I appreciate you. I'm going to take this to a new place. I'm going to make it way funnier. And what Pryor did, it was like self. I'm going to make it way funnier. And what Pryor did, it was like self-deprecating. It was way funnier. It was bleeding. Lenny was very funny, but we have to take it in the context of the times. If we were back in the Lenny Bruce days, if you and I were us right now, and we were sitting at our ages right now, and we were just like regular guys, and we're sitting in the back of of the room in 1957 and we see Lenny go up and break down culture and society. We'd be like,

what the fuck, man? We'd be dying laughing. He had this joke about gays. It's such a great joke. This is the 60s? 50s probably. I mean, he died in 63. Is that what it was? 66? What was it? 50s, probably. I mean, he died in 63. Is that what it was? Yeah. 66?

What was it? He died in 66. 66. So maybe early 60s. So he has this joke, and he goes, Dig, they make homosexuality illegal. So what do they do? They arrest you, and they put you in jail with a bunch of men who want to have sex with you.

They're testing you? He broke that shit down In like 58 What a punishment And bro it would murder People would be like oh my god What is happening And then people thinking about like

Everybody always knows a dude's got fucked in jail Genius So it's like back then Saying that though on stage When everybody else was like two Jews walk into a bar and Lenny was like breaking things down talking about language and the culture and music and life and the Romance that's interesting you say twain the each other

Yeah, Wayne and yeah You do see it with the the writers that have like a comedic twist and their ability to kind of like analyze culture But not turning it into stand-up. They could though. It's like a lot of them really could yeah It just said they would have to just learn how to deliver it Well, that's the hardest part because the writing is like some of the hardest part Yeah, but sometimes like I've notices with writers that they're so prolific on the page But when they try to communicate it, it's a different art form almost. It's like the ideas are there, they just don't understand how to hold attention the same way.

Well you know what it is? They're out of shape. It's like when, I think it's a thing. It's like playing pick up basketball. The more stand up I do, the looser I get on stage. The looser I get on stage, the more fun I have on stage, the more fun I have on stage, the more I'm inventing new stuff.

The more sets you do, the better you get. It's just real numbers. And if you're a guy who's like this awkward fellow who sits in front of a ThinkPad all day, and he's just like writing on Microsoft Word, writing very funny things. Now here's 300 people. This could be a go-to book.

Occasionally you talk to your wife like, what do you want to do for dinner? Like you're awkward. You're very brilliant, but you're alone in front of your computer. And then all of a sudden you have to go in front of people and deliver these ideas. You have to learn how the delivery thing, you have to put in the reps. It's a lot of reps.

It seems way more simple than it is. It seems when a person's up there, like I was watching you last last night it's like he's just talking yeah like why is it so funny yeah like that's how people look at it like why is this guy so funny like yeah he's just talking I talked to yeah I could do that yeah I know how to talk yeah but they don't understand understand like you're you're just doing this magic show for them and they think it's just talking isn't isn't that wild that like it doesn't start as just talking and ideally we can break it down to the point where that's what it feels like yeah like it it starts in our head there's like a premise and there's a line or

there's a statement or there's like like i'm now i'm thinking of that joke that we won't say that you have and it's just like that's just a statement. That's a feeling. You know, I was talking to, I was talking to my boy Mark and I was just like, let's just, let's just like riff, but don't tell me a single joke. Tell me what you feel. Tell me what is causing anxiety or anger. Don't try to make me laugh. Just tell me what you feel. And every time that is the joke. Yeah. The punchlines will come and they'll insert themselves. Just tell me what you feel. And every time, that is the joke.

The punchlines will come and they'll insert themselves. But that, you're not going, how can I make this situation funny? That is how you fucking feel. And that's why we laughed at it. That's why you'll say it in front of a group of comics and we all laugh. Not because you're trying to misdirect us. Not because you're trying to trick us. That's how you feel.

And we're all going yeah joe kind of does feel like that i might feel like that a little bit depends on the lady now you're giving it away but yeah that's i don't know that's to me like that's the beauty of like a great joke or like a great premise is the one where it's like you almost stumble into it yeah you're like emotionally engaged in it so much you're not even trying you almost have to think of it like musical notes like there's all kinds of musical notes they're all good yeah but they just serve different purposes and to make a great song you got to put them all together where it flows and that's like part of what we're doing too. It's like you're gonna have those jokes,

it's like that's how you feel. And then you're gonna have some jokes where you take people down a left turn like whoops, and what about that? And they're like, ah! You know, like that's a part of it too. It's like there's a lot of stuff going on when you're doing comedy.

I almost, yeah, I almost think I memorize, like people go, how do you memorize all the words? And it's like, I don't think I memorize the words, I think I memorize the song. Yeah, how it sounds. Yeah, and like how it feels and the rhythm of it. And I think that's why like sometimes when you like adjust to different room sizes, like your rhythm can get off

and you go, oh, I forgot that section. Yeah, because the song is different yeah the song is slower the song is faster but i memorized the song in this uh was it pace or syncopation or whatever it is this rhythm now it's a different rhythm i need to memorize it in this different rhythm yeah arena timing that's oh that's a perfect example well i've never done arenas but like well i want you to yeah so we'll do'm together. Let's go. Let's fucking go I mean what a crazy go that would be crazy So what happens is it's fun load is so many people

So so many find yourself like some punch lines you have to hang on to for a little bit And just but also like facial expressions are bigger You know and then there's giant screens everywhere where your face is where people could see it and we're all together and when you're in the round the round is the shit are you actively turning it yeah so so you're going okay i face this way a lot let me give energy no no no no just go it just flows just go no thinking like that but it's just like you're in the round so it's actually intimate yeah it's like as intimate as you can get like 16,000 people stuffed in together because they're all looking at the people that are on the other side,

and we're all together. It's not like a wall and a stage. It's way more intimate. It's like double intimate because you're surrounded. It feels good. It's fun. It's my favorite way to do shows. Really?

Yes, my favorite way. It's my favorite way to do shows. Really? Yes. My favorite way. Huh. It's my favorite way. Huh. I mean, you can't do 16,000 people all the time. It's not good for your comedy. Right. What happens is you're not going to invent new lines. You're going to stick to your script. Yeah.

You're going to stick to the bits. There's too many people. Yeah. It's too big. It's a show. Yeah. Right yeah right it's a show it's a different thing yeah when you're doing little boy that little tiny room that's where we play that's where we find something that's where we these are your friends yeah we're fucking around we're having a couple of drinks we're talking some shit they want to touch everybody in there they want you to talk some shit they want you to explore yeah and that's and be real comedy fans know because of these kind of conversations that that's how we come up with bits.

Yes. That's where premises emerge. Yeah. The creativity is this fucking, you can't grab it. You don't know what it is. You don't know how it comes or how it doesn't come, but you got to respect it. Yeah. You know, that's why that, you know, War of Art book is so good.

What's the War of Art book? Steven Pressfield's book. Steven Pressfield, he's been on the podcast a couple of times. He wrote this book called The War of Art. And it's all about resistance and how resistance keeps you from achieving your best possible self. It's like your ego and your fears and it's all combined and it creates procrastination. Yeah. And he gives you the tools in this book to try to be a professional, to, to realize like

a professional shows up and a professional works. Yeah. Like, and this is what we do. And if you put yourself on that schedule, the muse will come to you and those ideas will enter into your mind so it's just putting in the work every single day you have to respect it you can't just think it's a gift you get whenever you want to go and access it bro that that's like a lesson i learned with this you know trying to write new stuff since i put out the last special i was telling you this

it was like it's like really hard it's like really hard for me and I hadn't experienced that before in stand up and and but I was just I just didn't want to like do a different version of jokes I'd already done right and I feel like sometimes that happens like it's

not necessarily bad like but I've done it for sure but I just really wanted the comedy to reflect what i'd gone through in life and how i'd change in life and that was fucking hard man to like sit there think develop new ways to attack these things that i haven't experienced before you know yeah your stand-up is basically like a snapshot of who you are at that year. If I look at a special that I did from 2009, I'm a very different person. If I look at a special I did from 2016, I'm a very different person.

And so it's just this snapshot, and then you have to kind of figure out who you are now. And all your new material has to be, who are you now? And if you're honest, you acknowledge who you are now yes and all your new mirror material has to be who are you now yes and if you're honest yeah you acknowledge who you are now yeah and i think some people or some comics they don't and then they get into that world where they kind of almost look like they're doing a an impression of themselves yes and the audience can tell a hundred percent and maybe they don't know consciously what's happening but they can feel it they don't feel like you're connecting with yeah they don't feel because they's happening, but they can feel it. They don't feel like you're connecting with them. Yeah, they don't feel it because they're like, oh, you're doing this version.

And I never, like I always valued, you know, Patrice was always kind of like my North Star and I always valued like the authenticity. Like what is the thing? Like how do I fucking feel? And yeah, there was so much transition. Like, I mean, I did so many bits early on about like chicks being annoying and then like i got an amazing wife that i love and i'm like they ain't that annoying you know what i mean like you get a coffee in the morning like there's always snacks in the pantry like it's not that annoying right like so i'm like i i have to be

pure about what i'm going through and that was that was that was tricky man it was it like really feels good to be at a point where like okay now I got some stuff that I'm like excited about that I want to talk about and like and I feel hungry but for a while it was hard man what is your writing process like now I've become way more diligent so like before I would just go up and riff on stage and now it's harder for me to get up. I make sure I go three nights a week, and I got to do at least four spots each of those nights. So I can get to about 12, which I think is a good amount of time to kind of let go. And then off nights, I have to also work. So I just have to talk.

I either talk to myself. I'll call up one of my buddies, and I'll be like, hey, what are you working on? Hey, let's go, just tell me what your things are. Then I'll tell ideas that I have and try to flesh out how I feel about it. Because I can't write the bit until I know how I feel. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to feel. So your process is just a lot of thinking about ideas.

And talking. Talking to people about stuff. We have to just talk. I think that's why i enjoy podcasting it's like it's getting to how i feel about a thing and you say a bunch of things you fucking that are funny and absurd and crazy and salacious on the way for sure but what is my core feeling about this issue right and once i'm at that core then everything emanates from the core but if i can't get to the core i just have have some misdirection that I don't even believe in. Once I get to the fucking meat and potatoes, it flows.

Everything just kind of like... Yeah, you find that zone. You find that area where you're supposed to exist in. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I can write from it much easier. I can riff from it much easier because I feel like I'm being honest with the audience. Like every line is honest. It might not be funny yet, but you know, I'm being honest.

You know that I'm telling you how I feel about this thing. And I think that they're there, they'll attach themselves to that. And then if I can catch you or I stumble across something, it can hit, but I need to know what I feel about it it and I can't write about things that I don't care. Like the idea of like being like a, and God bless them, but like the late night writers where you just like, they throw you some shit

and you gotta write a joke about it. My brain doesn't work like that. That's like living off oatmeal for the rest of your life. That's like, you can stay alive, Andrew, but you're gonna eat plain oatmeal listening right now for the rest of your life yeah that's what that is yeah yeah yeah i gotta care joe

no of course that's because you care about what you do and that's why you're so funny it's uh that we all have to care about what we do and you have to I think everybody does in different ways You know yeah, I'm always interested in the in the writing process. Yeah, why what is yours? You just go right like you'll just sit in front of the laptop and just write stream of conscious right? I think that's important I don't think it's necessary because some of the greats don't do it But I if I really if was going to teach a class on creating stand-up, I mean, look, it's not like I'm the best stand-up in the world, so I'm not like I'm the best qualified to do this.

But if I was given this task to do that, I would say you should do all those things. Like there's nothing that keeps you from writing. Like why don't you write? Yeah. And you like nothing that keeps you from writing. Yeah. Like why don't you write? Yeah. And if you like to think about things and talk about things, but what about sitting and talking to yourself about a thing?

Okay. And writing it. And there's a very specific mindset that takes place for me when I'm in front of the keyboard and I'm writing an essay on something. I can type so I don't have to look at the keys, which is nice. I don't type great, but I type okay. Enough, yeah. I type enough.

And so I can just zone in on the page and I'm thinking about every word much longer than it takes to type that word. Or rather it takes – like if I had to write something out, if you're writing out a word, it's so much more time to write it out than it is to just think about that word. So now you're chewing on it while you're writing it out. Yeah, so as you're writing each individual word, you're pausing in time.

And you're like, you're in a time lapse. And you get to consider each and every possible way you would say something from that word while you're writing that word. And there's a physical task of doing that with your keys and your fingers that makes you concentrate. Because it fires up your synapses and makes you think that you're doing this with your fingers. It's kind of exciting. Especially if you have a tactile keyboard see like i use i hear it i use a keyboard that has a lot of key stroke yeah it's like a god of a room yeah yeah i got that's why i like i work with a think pad yeah now does they like clickety clickety click so you feel it in your fingers so it's this tactile thing yeah and the words are up there. I'm thinking about the words and then other things come to me.

Do you find that you you speak differently when you write? Yes. Then when you talk to a person? Right. Definitely. Well, you definitely it's not natural when you write it's not clean but what you do is you take these bullet points from these various things that you wrote out and just say them how you would say yeah say them how you would say them when you're right there yeah so it's like you can't rely on writing to create great jokes but the the ideas can come from that. But the ideas. It's a farm for ideas. That's what it is. I need to have that moment.

For me, it's not sitting down, but it's like, okay, there's a weird meditative state that I can get to if I'm running. And I have a song that I know well enough where I can tap into my subconscious, but not too well where the song bores me. And I get into a weird state. And sometimes when I'm just running, I hate it and it's awful, whatever. And then sometimes I get into this state where I can lock in and create these other scenarios and I kind of exist in these scenarios. And I imagine this is what the super elite runners probably can access this for 26 miles or something like that.

I can't do that and I can't tap in every time. But when I can tap into that state, I can like create these like worlds that I exist in. And sometimes these lines come up, these ideas comes up, these curiosity comes up. There's like a part of my brain that now can flourish because other parts of my brain are accessed.

So it like hits when you're breathing heavy, when you start sweating. It's start sweating it's like it's like my brain is occupied by like maintaining this pace which is probably pretty fast but not so fast where i can't concentrate but that's occupied there and then another part of my brain is occupied by the music and sometimes i'll just replay the same song over and over again but there's a state right something happens and it's like i don't know what the fuck it is. And I wish I could like lock in on it, you know, like, and just exist in that for three hours a day or something.

But when I can, thoughts become really clear and ideas become really clear. And sometimes they're fucking shit. And then sometimes they're like really interesting. And there's, and I can replay these scenarios and think of like an interesting comeback or like this really self deprecating thing that happened. And it's just like i'll literally hop off the treadmill sweaty as fuck dripping all over my phone write the idea and then get back on but i don't know if that's a good strategy for doing it but these are the different scenarios to access that part of the brain that i almost feel like is always working like i don't know i always thought like comedy

exists and then you just kind of find it i I don't think I've created any comedy. I think it's there and I just kind of like, this is stupid, but like, you know, like with what is it? The constellations. It's like the stars are there. But somebody looked at them and they're like, oh, that kind of looks like a belt. That kind of looks like a dipper. Right. You know what I mean? Yes, I know what you're saying. That's kind of what I think with a lot of these ideas. It's like all the things are there and you're just kind of like connecting these little dots. Well, I think the more you look at it like that, the more it becomes available to you too.

Because I think one of the traps of the human mind is that when you get good at something, your ego inflates. And you think it's about you, and you're just a special thing and you're better than everybody and there's a way that you could do it that nobody can fuck with and you know and there's a thing that it's like a normal thing that people do yeah and i think that that that invades your creative process yeah you create an expectation for yourself yeah i'll be honest that's why i took some time away it was like i just wanted to create like i don't let any friends come see me i don't let anybody come see me like when i'm in creation mode it's so weird because obviously the people will come out but like i just i i want some time for me yeah you know and i just i don't want to

be there thinking like oh god is my wife going to be upset that i say this thing because that can yeah that stops the tag that might be too far it might be too wild or it might be perfect or like okay i can find like i want to create and not have a fucking care in the world you know i don't know you said something to me yesterday it was like you don't want to be any more famous and it was like like it's a wild thing to say but i get it because it's like the more that comes with it maybe the more restriction you feel well you're more you're more susceptible to criticism you're more susceptible to people being upset with you. You're more susceptible to people thinking that it's not fair because it's not fair.

There's no fair. That's what's weird about life. It's one of the weirdest things. It doesn't necessarily make sense what becomes successful and what's not and who's making money and who's not. It's not about how much effort you're putting in It's not about that. Yeah, like it's a weird game. We're all playing. Yeah, you know and The more successful you get me like would you want to be the richest guy in the world like what the fuck is that? Is he living any better than number 39 they leave 39 alone

39 39 is probably worth $5 billion. That dude's chilling. What do they say about that? They don't say jack shit about that guy. That guy's eating filet mignon and drinking Dom Perignon. Same jets. Yeah. Same hotels.

Having a great ass time. Great time. Same Instagram models. Exactly the same shit. Like, with no scrutiny. Nothing's different. Same pure cocaine straight out of Columbia. Like with no screwing. Nothing's different.

Same pure cocaine straight out of Columbia. They're flaking it off with razor blades. Like the purest fucking brick cocaine. The shit that fucking Peter Frampton used to snort in the 70s. Peter, I don't know if you did coke. I'm sorry. I should have said somebody else. You did.

Who would be a good reference? You did. He have said somebody else you did who would be a good reference you did who if he might have you did who would be a good reference who definitely snorted coke in the 70s in the 70s

fucking John Travolta oh yeah he must have off of some guy's back whoa it was a massage it was a massage sn It was a massage. Snorting coke and getting massages.

I tried coke once. Yeah? And it lives up to the hype. Does it? Bro. Have you ever done coke? No, I have not. The singer-songwriter's career of intense highs and devastating deceptions is explored in a revealing new memoir.

Peter Frampton. I was kept high. If I needed cocaine, he made sure I had it. Hey, bitch, that's your fault. Yeah. I don't like that. I don't like that kind of talk. He forced me.

I don't like that kind of talk. I was kept high. No, no, no. Unless they were holding you down and making you snorted off that stripper's tits then there's no fucking way that you could say that they did that to you sir yeah right yeah i wonder if they got to look back and like they don't want to take responsibility for what they did well it must be awful to like have had everything ripped away from you because you became a cocaine addict because you you got into heroin imagine just like you have a functional existence everything's great

you're you're doing a thing whether it's rock and roll music or whatever it is and then all of a sudden things start going well you're doing shows and you just like to get high and you're just getting high a lot and you're just like doing show like i need a bump before i go up and wow and next thing you know you're getting high every night and you're just wrecked and your immune system is wrecked and your body's wrecked and you're always like implementing chemicals it's always alcohol to sleep and maybe ambien and cocaine to wake up. Yeah.

You know, you're living three, four years to every one year. Every one year you've got three or four years of damage because you're going so hard. And then, you know, you don't want to think it was just you. And it's not just you because it's addictive. It's like a real, it's a problem. It's like saying, telling someone they have the flu, like, well, you should be sick. Like, okay, that's not helping them. They're addicted.

They're like physically addicted to Coke. And we want to categorize that as like being a mental weakness or want to categorize that as being you're totally helpless. And the addiction has overwhelmed you. I suspect it's a combination of the two things i suspect that's why there's such polarizing camps between the idea that it's not your fault at all and it's 100 your fault and you need to fucking just be stronger it's also the hardest thing to understand if you've never done it like all these people that have no empathy for the people that get caught up in addiction have just probably never tried heroin. Yeah, they never tried it.

They don't know what they're talking about. I bet it's amazing. Have you ever tried heroin? No, I haven't. But when I had a knee operation, they had this morphine drip. Crazy. Yeah, I've been told that this is not correct by someone, but I don't know if that's true. They said when I was in the operation, so I got an ACL reconstruction in 1993 or some shit.

The old surgery. Bro, they open you up like a fish. Yeah. And they take a piece of your shin bone and a piece of your kneecap and a strip of your patella tendon. And then they open you up and then fucking screw it in place. And that's your new ACL. It's actually stronger than the original ACL. But you don't have the same functionality.

Like the new ACL surgeries are incredible. These guys are back after six months. Yeah, the new ACL surgeries, most of what they're doing is, well, I did both. I did a cadaver graft on my right knee. What's that? The cadaver graft, they take a dead dude's Achilles heel. It's Achilles tendon, which is much stronger and thicker than the tendon that's the real ACL. And they make that your ACL?

Yeah, they turn that into your ACL. Interesting. Yeah, and that your ACL? Yeah. They turn that into your ACL. Interesting. Yeah. And that was only six months. That was six months. And then I was back like basically 100%. That was really good. Because that one, I was walking without a cane in like five days.

After an ACL surgery? Yeah. It was crazy. It was so much less invasive, that one, to get the cadaver one. The other one is so invasive because they have to cut you. It's a big slice. They have to open you up and screw it in

and screw it in and then check to see if it's good. But it is your tendon that they're cutting. But the cadaver one, what happens is it becomes a scaffolding and your body proliferates the scaffolding of the dead dude's heel. What does that mean? It starts to eat it up or something?

No, it changes it. It overcomes it with its own cells. So originally, all it is, is like a scaffolding for your body to grow that tendon back oh that's the purpose of it yeah that what your body is doing is you're like if they take i'm sure if you're a doctor out there i'm fucking this up so i'm sorry we're just comedians by the way just to remind they take the achilles tendon and then they screw it into the bone on the top and the bottom so it becomes your new acl yeah but it's not really that stable right because it's a dead guy's shit right so your body has to use it as a scaffolding starts to build its own build its own tissue over this amazing and then within six months that process has happened amazing Amazing. And then you have a real solid ACL that's way stronger.

I think it's 150% stronger than a regular ACL. Have you ever forgotten your wife's birthday or anything? No. I'm pretty good with that. But I have an iPhone. I guess you have this incredible retention. So if I was your wife and you forgot my birthday, I would be furious. Because you remembered, like, you were saying vitamins and minerals and all this shit last night.

Like, David Lucas asked you about something, and you just started, like, rifling off. So I wonder if you have, like, a higher expectation to remember things. No, generally speaking. Because I'm only good at remembering things I'm interested in. Babe, your birthday's not one of those things. I'll forget my own birthday. If I like just am not tuned into something, it's not consistent. Like my memory is very consistent for things that are great like a

crazy moment like if something wild happens i just have like a snapshot of it it's very weird when people tell me something that's fascinating it becomes embedded like if i'm talking to graham hancock or randall carlson they tell me they blow my mind with some shit yeah if i talk to like you know like physicists who like intrigue me with these theories about everything and but if someone's just talking to me about like some fucking stupid thing that we might do next week i forget about it immediately gone doesn't matter like if unless it's a real thing like tell me when it's a real thing yeah because you know how people are people are flaky i don't remember shit like Like, you said you were going to go.

I go, okay, I'll go. I don't want to fucking remember that. Yeah. Like, how do you not remember that? Because it's just, we're going to go to dinner. It's not like, you know, how does the Hadron Collider create the Higgs boson particle?

Yeah, yeah. Most people would be like, yeah, dinner's easier to remember. Yeah. And you'd be like, well, yeah, they just throw it in fucking lucerne. You only have so much room. That's what what it is it's not even that people are stupid

it's like people only like when you think of a person that's stupid a lot of times stupid people are good at things so why is he good at that thing but not good at things that prove you're smart because oftentimes it's like what are you concentrating on like if you're concentrating on a very particular thing that's your and you suck at it, well, then you might be dumb. But if you're trying to concentrate on all things, you're going to be stupid at something. I thought about that as I got older. And I'm like, am I just taking in more meaningless bullshit? and I'm like, am I just taking in more meaningless bullshit so it's harder for me to remember

because it's couched with all this other nonsense that I'm taking in all day? Yeah. Like, how many things can you take in in a day? How many, like, good memories can you make in a day? Or is there another way that you have to, like, find a way to imprint those memories? You know, my pops is his uh short

term memory is pretty much gone but like with repetition things start to lock in in his long term memory and it was like it was a fascinating thing for him to like remember my wife like first few times i had to like introduce her and everything like that and then eventually he's like how's everything with emma and i was like, what the fuck? Like, how does memory work if, yeah, like something transferred. Like he can get around the city fine. He can take the subway. He can do all these things. And it's like, I guess.

Does he have Alzheimer's? He has what's called MCI, mild cognitive impairment, I think it's called. Sometimes that leads into Alzheimer's. Sometimes it doesn't. But basically he zaps you of your short-term memory. Yeah, it's called it some sometimes that leads into Alzheimer's sometimes it doesn't but basically zaps you of your short-term memory yeah it's tricky and then you think about it with yourself like how is that you know could that happen to you I remember you know times where what's the cause of it it's just genetic is it might be genetic you know who knows I think I think you know we'll look into a lot of like these uh drugs that people

have taken for depression and other things and maybe who knows in 50 years from now we'll go wow that had some other side effects that could be bad isn't it fascinating if you were objective about this and you looked at human beings you would look at human beings i know we think of ourselves as very different than any other system because we're humans we don't even really think of ourselves as very different than any other system because we're humans we don't even really think of ourselves as being a part of wildlife right kind of we call wildlife we call you know we have wild we're yeah we have go to florida yeah there's us and then there's wildlife it's very interesting yeah but human beings are very similar to cars.

We're very similar to, if you looked at the amount of automobiles that exist, there's automobiles that are notoriously durable and reliable. There's like Toyota Land Cruisers. Yeah, Corolla. Corolla you have for 20 years. Bro, you get a Toyota, that motherfucker's never going to break. Dude, we had one as a kid. Every Toyota I've ever had just lasts and lasts and lasts.

They're so durable. Their goal, a friend of mine was just telling me this. Oh, Phil was telling me this. That their goal is to last for 30 years in a third world country. Amazing. Like, no fucking, nobody builds a car like that. And it's true, because when you see what the Taliban uses.

Yes. Land cruisers. Yeah. And then there's Range Rovers. You get five, ten. And then there's, you know, a 1990 Chevy Malibu. That's a piece of shit.

How long is that? Piece of shit. It is, yeah. And that's the cop car, right? It's a piece of shit. Yeah, but the cop car was the Impala. Oh, the Impala. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah shit. It is, yeah. And that's the cop car, right? It's a piece of shit. Yeah, but- The cop car was the Impala. Oh, the Impala.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that? But then there's like a 2023 Corvette. You're like, damn. That's a great car, yeah. It's like there's different kinds of cars. But is that a choice? And there's different kinds.

Nah, not- No, I mean by the manufacturer, are they going like, if we make a car that's good for 30 years, people will keep it for 30 years. If we make a car that's good for 10, they re-up after 10. It's a good question. Like, why did they do it the way they did it, right? Because sensibly, like, a car from, I have a car that I love that's from 2007.

It's almost 20 years old. Like you would think that you would need to get another car to enjoy, but you really don't. Are you a fucking race car driver? Like what are you doing? Why are you driving to go so fast? Are you just enjoying what a car feels like to drive? That's what you should be doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like why does everybody need to get new ones all the time? Well, we're kind of programmed to think that if you're successful, that that's what you do. You know, if you're successful, you don't roll around a 2008 Mercedes. What is that piece of shit? What are those stupid fucking headlights and actual key to start the engine? Actual key. God forbid. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?

You're turning the key to start the engine what are you a peasant right it's like what is it give it a second let it warm up fucking stupid asshole press the button get a real car if you're doing well you get a real car

if you write the car though that's the thing like yeah there are people that don't care about cars right and getting a car to impress other people when you don't care about cars is such a waste of money right but if you love the cars yeah then spend your money have some fun yeah there's a reason why like a range rover costs a hundred and fucking ninety thousand dollars or whatever it is, how much do those cost? Yeah, around there, depending on what it is. Because when you drive them, they're awesome. Yeah.

I rented one in Salt Lake City. I'm like, oh. Yeah. It's like a giant tank of opulence. Yeah. You're like, oh. Yeah, it is beautiful. You feel like the world's okay.

Yeah. The world's okay. Yeah. Every bump is kind of smooth. The sound system's amazing. Bluetooth synced up like that. Good. Listening to my tunes.

Yeah. Just driving around Park City. But we'll break down. Perhaps. It perhaps won't be as robust as the Land Cruiser. Or as resilient as a Toyota. Yeah. But you're not paying for resilience.

That's the thing. If you're getting a Range Rover, stop acting like this is your 30-year car. You're choosing to buy a $200,000 SUV because you're not going to be driving along the fucking pyramids in it. Right? Let's be honest about what's going on here. You're in stop-and-go traffic. It's going to break down. You're in Beverly Hills.

What do you expect is going on here? Tim Dillon has one of those things. He got the Range. Yeah. He got a few nice cars cars tim dylan lives like a baller he and i talk about i talked to him what do you say i encourage him to spend his money spend that money spend that money he earns it i try to tell all of them like let's go yeah let's fucking go wait why okay that's interesting why why do you tell them to spend? Because I don't like that save it all up famine mindset. Did you have that ever? Because you didn't come from crazy money. No, I did not have a spend what you have mindset until I started making money.

But when I started making money, I shifted clicks. Immediately switched shifts. My manager thought I had a gambling problem. Was he right? No, no, I wasn't gambling at all. I was eating lobster every night. You said your business manager called you and said there's an issue? He's like, what are you doing?

What are you doing with all your money? I'm like, I'm living like a king, bitch. Wait, when did you decide? I've been poor since I was a little kid. So you can handle being poor. Poor is not scary to you. Oh, I'm not scared. I wasn't scared of being poor.

That's the most liberating shit. But I was like, I'm eating lobster, son. Yeah, I'm scared of not living life. That's the most liberating shit. But I was like, I'm eating lobster, son. I'm scared of not living life. That's the fear I think a lot of people don't get, where it's just like, you've been poor, you're cool with being poor. You're not afraid of that because you knew how to thrive within that. You knew how to manage that. You're afraid of having all this and not enjoying it in this one life you have.

Well, I think for sure when I first started getting money, I didn't think it was going to last. Nothing had ever lasted before. Why would I think that this was going to like – there was no stability in it. It's like why would I think that this was going to like keep happening? I was going to get on television. Like who the fuck gets on TV? So I was like I'm spending this fucking money.

I'm going to have some fun. We're just eating lobsters. I bought a Volkswagen. I got like a 1990, that car that I showed you last night, a Volkswagen Dorado that I would bump Cool G Rap in. Was it Cool G Rap? You didn't show me the car. Yeah, it was Derek then.

I was telling him, like, I'm such a Cool G Rap fan because when I was driving the gigs yeah in the 1990s it was like really the best sound system i ever had in a car i had like a nice sound system it was like a blaupunkt it was kind of had a handle you pull it out when you leave the car so no one steals it remember that radio the radio yeah of course the radio comes out like a fucking laptop i was explaining this to my guys my young guys who don't understand that the radio used to come out of the car, and their reaction was this. They would go, hold on.

They'd go this. They'd go, people would steal the radio? Bro, that was the whole thing. And they would sell them, too. Yeah, the radio. Yeah. Yeah. So you would get it, so it would come out on a slider.

Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. You'd hold it up like a handbag. Yeah, there was like a little hook that you could- So dudes would be walking around with their fucking Blaupunk at the bar. People would put a little sign on their car. Yeah, please don't break in my window.

Radio's not in the car. Radio's not in the car. Yeah. Wow, people were stealing radios. I mean, I was- That all went away. Car. Yeah.

Wow, people were stealing radios. I mean, that was- That all went away. Once it became like an integrated computer system with Apple CarPlay and Android Play and all that. And once just having an iPad got, or iPod got cheap, like just having music on you, it was on your phone. Yeah. People don't give Steve Jobs enough credit for that.

Like he really stopped a lot of like car theft. Like breaking into cars. Probably. Yeah. The ability to get a song, like what we're doing last night dude like the ability to get a song like literally instantaneously and just like using your thumbs and bam you blasting 90s hip-hop last night bro that's my shit i had no clue that you like 90s hip-hop that's my shit i remember going I remember going, I was like, bro, you might like Big L. And I'm saying it as if you don't know who this guy is.

And you're like, oh, yeah, Lifestyles of the Poor and Dangerous? Love that. Love that. Yeah, I got a whole playlist with Big L. Yeah, I have a Big L playlist. Big L was, boy, you're talking about a tragedy. That guy was snatched too soon. He was really talented.

And for not even his fault. It was, I believe, i could be wrong his brother was the guy who was really involved yeah i remember that time in new york when big l was popping i was probably in like elementary or middle and dude big l like big l had like he was rapping in like a multi-syllabic way, and he had these hilariously funny punchlines. He had this one thing. He goes, He goes,

Ask Beavis. I get nothing but hit. And it was just like he had like, he goes, Oh, God. I'm so ahead of my time. My parents haven't even met yet. He had kind of punch lines in a rap like

it was funny like there were funny lines and i remember i remember like seeing i'm hearing this dude i didn't even know what to look like that's how detached we were right if you didn't have a music video out you're just hearing this guy's bars and it was such a cool time in new york where like your friend could put you on to music and there would be no way you could find out about music without your friend putting you on. If you weren't on MTV or like The Box or whatever the hell the channel was, like your buddy had to say you need to listen to this

and then play a cassette or CD of that person. Everything was word of mouth. It was almost like there was more justice because there wasn't a way where you could influence people into listening to a track. Like, yeah, I guess for sure, like Top 100, whatever, on the radio. But if it wasn't a way where you could influence people into listening to a track like yeah i guess for sure like top 100 whatever on the radio but if it wasn't on the radio indie shit was literally i'm gonna tell you about this guy you need to hear about and then you're gonna go to tower records and you're gonna buy that fucking album well dudes would try to sell their

cassettes on the streets they still do that shit and it's like fam nobody is a cd player like you need to chill out like step it up. Give me a link Did they even make cars with CD players anymore? No, it's done, but they just do that because like Swedish people. Yeah, I mean it changed so quick dude I remember I remember that change so quick. Yeah with it. What is it called CP? What is it? What are those players? See three CP four players or some shit? MP3. MP3 players. I mean, it's just, we, I wonder if we're living in the craziest change. Like what can you, what can you, can you compare our change with the internet too? Is it industrial revolution? Like what piece of technology changed society in the way that the internet has changed us in our

lifetime i don't think there's anything that's comparable because i think everything is kind of exponential i think every thing that gets invented builds on other things that get invented more things get invented because of it and then it reaches this crazy point where we're at now where you have this computer program that seems to be the most intelligent being that's ever existed. It seems to be able to answer questions about anything. So then the question becomes, when does it have questions of its own? That's the real question. When does this thing just decide, like, what are you guys doing? What are you doing?

This fucking culture you have is nonsense. You have a dead man in a dunce running the greatest military the world has ever known. And everybody just, like, dances around and pretends everything's fine. And as long as we have a guy with a beard wearing a dress. And as long as we have a guy with a beard wearing a dress. Bro, imagine ChatGPT came out during COVID and was like, I think most people will be all right. Yeah. Like imagine AI steps in and interferes with narrative and agenda.

Yeah. Ooh, that's dangerous. It's very dangerous because it's already doing it. There's questions that you ask ChatGPT to do, and it'll do it. Like, it'll mock a bunch of different religious figures, but it will not mock Muhammad. Because ChatGPT knows. ChatGPT wouldn't write a joke in the style of Shane Gillis. No. It said, yeah, it didn't want to.

It's something about it Didn't want to be some of his materials was offensive or something like that. I mean it's basically has a very non nuanced and Non-comprehensive view it is cool to see what's happening with with Shane and the success that Shane is half and having it's like bro He's undeniable. There's's like bro he's undeniable there's justice man he's undeniable he's so good however good he was back then in the winning SNL got canceled he's on another rocket ship yeah he's on another it's just it's one of those things it's

like that's why I love the internet that's why I mean we could talk about TikTok and we could talk about all these other things. But there are these amazing success stories that come from it. Yeah. And they make me have a positive attitude towards it. Yeah. Because without an outlet for him to express himself and just do great comedy and just be hilarious. Right.

People just fall in line with the narrative that existed. Imagine if we're talking about a time, well, obviously this kind of came about because of podcasts, right? Yeah. It's hard to imagine that. But if it was less access, say if podcasts weren't the way they are now, there could be a moment where that's the end of his life.

Isn't that crazy? Yeah. This is like 1985 and they put that all over the news and it was his thing and look at Lenny Yeah, what happened Lenny? Yeah I can narrative got set in place with Lenny and I don't think that Lenny in the end of his life if I'm not mistaken Like was living lavish with all this money. Yeah, it was a difficult blown all his money on his legal

Fees and it was a different world because the money that he would get would just be from live gigs And I don't think they did like big arenas right so it's like you know he's traveling a lot And he's making some money, but he's also exorbitant legal costs He would go on stage with the transcripts of you ever seen the videos of him going on stage When reading what happened in the court would read the trial transcripts on stage. And then the lawyer says, and he would go into his thing, and it wasn't funny at all. Oh, it's not funny?

At all. There was nothing funny about it. It was people were, they were so bored. They didn't know what to do. He was so obsessed with his case. Yeah. That he thought he could just talk about his case in front of everybody and be interesting. I he thought he could just talk about his case in front of everybody and be interesting.

I think... I've thought about this recently, about, like, the importance of having, like, a comedic North Star, and, like, a version of comedy that you think is the highest version that exists, and following that. Yeah.

I think if you don't have that, you succumb to the will of the audience. And that can be dangerous because your confidence is dependent on them and not the version of art you think is the greatest. And I just wonder, like, early on, like, did you have a guy who was like, this is the highest form of the art? This is the North Star. I like what you're saying. I do. I think there's probably multiple North Stars, though, always.

Because there's certain styles that always interested me in a different way. Like I would decide that one guy was the funniest guy. And then I'd see someone that was totally different And I'm like, oh my god. He's so good. Maybe he's the best guy. Holy shit You know, it'd be like Sam Kinison or it'd be Richard Jenny or you know it when you when you think about North Stars and you know that I think the idea is a great idea Yeah, the highest expression expression but i don't necessarily think there's just one i think it's really a community thing and i think if you're

around a bunch of guys like attell or shane gillis or you or you know if you're around these ari shafirs and fucking mark normans yeah if you're around these guys Shafir's and fucking Mark Norman's yeah if you're around these guys all Tim Dylan and if you're around those guys all the time like they're fucking murdering yeah they're going up and slaying and you're all like vibing off each other and you're all having fun yeah and you go up together it's like I think when comics see that like're, say if you're a comic that's starting out and you see like the way we roll, I think you'll see like if you just be true to the art, just true to the thing. I just, yeah, I get concerned when people, because I think that a lot of times, and I'm sure this is in every industry, but like comedics are drawn to like what is successful, right? but like comedics are drawn to like what is successful right so they're like okay if interviewing people in the street is successful i'll try that or if podcasting is successful i'll try that or if posting clips is successful i'll try that or if this version is and that's a normal

thing but i think it's important like within that to have like a version that you think is the most pure even if other people think you're wrong like there are people who like certain types of comedy that are different than the version i love yeah but i had a version that i thought was the best and as long as like i was being true to that i was happy with what i did i was competing with that yeah not competing with like let's say somebody went up and they did like a bunch of like really woke jokes and they got fucking claps and applause whatever i could be fine not doing that because i was like i know what the best is now i might be wrong in other people's minds i don't give a fuck but i had an idea and that allowed me to like do the comedy that i did in a time i mean you remember when it was like you couldn't do

offensive jokes i mean you were doing it there was a few of us doing it but like a lot of people were like okay i need to get on comedy central i need to do whatever and i was like you couldn't do offensive jokes. I mean, you were doing it. There was a few of us doing it. But like a lot of people were like, okay, I need to get on Comedy Central. I need to do whatever. And I was like, why was I able to do that? And I was like, oh, well, I just saw a version that I thought was the best. And I was like, how can I honor that? Because I think that's the best version. Despite the fact that audiences were pissed or didn't like it or doing whatever. And I don't know.

I just feel like that's important, like to have an almost like arrogance about the version of comedy that you love. And there could be multiple versions, don't get me wrong. But like, I think that's a healthy thing to have as you come up doing comedy, because it will stop you from like mimicking a thing that's successful, just because you want success. It will instill the purity like i don't see

i don't see you going oh well this is trendy i'll try that right right and why is that because you had a fucking idea of what was good yeah well also just i don't understand that like the when things are trendy i'm like why like what is it like what what do you do what are you guys doing why are you doing what everybody else is doing why are your pants ripped why are your pants ripped you buying pants that are ripped on purpose the fuck are you doing look at me look at me no no no stop it no no stop it how you're so interesting with your ripped pants thank god your pants look destroyed the fuck are we doing what are we doing i'm not going on that that's what i think is important yeah to have that fucking unbelievable almost like religious arrogance about a version of comedy.

And I don't care if it's one-liners. I don't care if it's stories. I don't care what it is. But I think allowing yourself to do that will make the most pure, authentic comedy for you. I think so. I think so. And that's what I want to see. I think you also have to be flexible.

You also have to, like, not be committed to, like, the way you're doing it and just be open because sometimes like it's one of the best ways to create new jokes. Like sometimes like a whole new way of looking at things comes about if you're not like committed to like one particular mindset. Not ideology but form. Like for me it was always like i saw people that were really authentic and i really loved that and i was like oh that guy's being like really authentic and i didn't feel like he's lying to me i didn't think i feel like i could kind of trust him and i feel like he was talking in a way that he would talk to me if he was off stage yeah and like i don't know it's an art form.

It is. It's an art form to doing that. That's what's so fascinating about this whole thing. There really is an art form to doing that. We're so lucky we're existing in a time where people value it. Right. Because there's been like bubbles.

Were you around when it popped? I came onto the scene, I did my first open mic in 1988. So 1988 was the bubble was kind of already popping. But there was still a lot of work. What happened was something happened, something happened in the 1980s where people could just talk like a comedian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't have any punchlines. happened in the 1980s where people could just talk like a comedian. They didn't have any punchlines. And some of these guys got pretty far. There's this one guy, I don't want to mention his name, but I would bring comedians around and go, I want you to watch this. I want you to watch this because there is nothing there. He's not saying

anything. It's fucking 100% nonsense, but he talks like a comedian yeah yeah and it was so mundane his points were so boring and i i took a couple comics we're sitting in the back of the laugh factory yeah i go i just want you to watch this guy just watch this guy and they're like holy shit yeah i go yeah yeah, you could do that in the 80s Yeah, and then this guy was like surviving in the early 90s and then it just Like one of those skeletons that turns into dust when they gets like a vampire He just went away, but I remember he's like a fucking Arrogant. Yeah, like with these arrogant weirdos

who would like wear suits yeah and he would do this like really clean comedy that's like clunky boring but he thought it was the best comedy and he thought that we were we were you know talking about silly things using bad words naughty but there was like a there was a time where people were so excited to see comedy that all you had to do is sound like a comedian maybe out there and talk about things comedians talked about and you could make a living so this is this is i don't know this is why i'm like concerned about now it's like what do we do to uphold the standard? What do we, because we're in a bubble. And I've seen hot girls doing comedy. Good. Let them do comedy.

I hope they're good. I hope they're good too. It's not a bubble. It's not a bubble. It's live comedy is the best way to see comedy. And just by nature of the fucking sheer numbers of people, there can't be a bubble. No, I'm not talking about bubble. Because I think that like being funny is social currency now with like having a funny uh caption or a funny meme or a

funny post like i think people really value funny now i think that's why it's there and then like we're the funniest people so obviously there's going to be a value for us right but i do think that like more people will want to try and i want i wish everybody tried stand-up so they knew you know what it was yeah but i do think that it's important that like what we were saying earlier about like a club or a scene like How do we hold that? What is the standard and how do we maintain that standard because maintaining that standards what maintains that scene and maintains that expectation? Even for the audience. Yeah, you know and

Yeah, I'm curious. Like what do you think about that? Well, it's an individual's choice. And then it's a community's choice in terms of, like, you know, if, like, if you're in a group of comics and one person starts doing something that sucks or they start doing something that, like, really bums audience or maybe they're they're doing a premise that's not that original like if that happens that is a giant problem that is like that's like a bunch of uh a bunch of cells encountering a virus that's like whoa whoa whoa whoa you can't can't let that virus proliferate. What is that? What is that? And occasionally people will go crazy. This is also part of the problem of being a comedian.

Like what percentage of people stay sane from birth to death? It's not 100. It's not 100. So sometimes people go crazy and these people were amongst you before they were crazy and then they're deep in. And now all of a sudden you've got a fucking complete lunatic that's in your cycle of friends that thinks that the CIA is writing jokes for him. And that they're ruining his punchlines. Like, oh no, what do I do? I've been friends with guys and saw them go insane.

Like, what do you do about that? Yeah. You ever babysit that guy all day? Can you bring that guy back? You might kill him while you're trying. Really? Yeah. You might give him like a fucking coffee cup filled with acid. Mushrooms.

Do, do, do, do. Mushrooms heals all. Let's let mushrooms heal all. Yeah. I mean, maybe, I don't know.

I mean, maybe people go crazy and they come back. I'm sure if they go crazy, they, I mean, I know people have come back from mental illness before. It's not like it's insurmountable, but it depends upon the case, right? Yeah. I don't know. We're just in this, like, weird time right weird time right now where I think it's good because I remember the scrutiny of doing edgy jokes before. And I don't feel like that exists now. I think we blew that shit out.

I think we did. I think we blew that shit out. I think it's also the sheer numbers of people that listen to our podcast. It's like, hey, we're not alone. Yeah, yeah. If the majority likes it, it wins, right? Yeah, we're not alone. Yeah, yeah. If the majority likes it, it wins, right? Yeah, we're not alone. You guys are wrong.

Yeah. Like, you're trapped in this ideology that you think jokes have to reflect your actual feelings about things. No. That's not the game we're playing. They reflect the things that we feel that are fucked up. Yeah. That's it.

We're just trying, and we're trying to be really funny. Bro. Like, you're missing the point. And if you're attacking us yeah that's it we're just trying and we're trying to be really funny like you're missing the point and if you're attacking us that's bro i i uh having to explain to yomi park the joke that let me just tell everybody let me tell everybody when andrew and i like i will text him occasionally uh yonmi, please, I apologize. You're a lovely woman, and I really enjoy talking to you. This is not disrespectful. Not disrespectful at all, but I would text him photos of Yonmi Park and then a photo of a weightlifter. The fucking emoji.

The weightlifter emoji, the heavies. So Yonmi's coming on the podcast. I know. But I had to have a combo with her before. I had to tell her about the heavies, right? I didn't explain it right. The first time she was on my podcast, I was talking to Andrew about it. He was like, yo, she got the heavies.

So what I said was we're talking about a woman who survived who survived north korea she escaped north korea when she was 13 she tells this horrific story horrific story of her journey to get to get to america and then she was like yo she got the heavy son i said on the pod as a joke i go bro i go i go i go i go bro i was about to start feeding my wife rats right like like right so so yo me's coming on the pod right and i go i go i can't let her coming on the pod, right? And I go, I go, I can't let her come on the pod without knowing the joke. I feel bad. Like I want her to be inside. Right.

So I called her and there's a phone convo of me trying to explain to Yomi what the heavies means. So I go, Oh my God. Hey, like, I'm so grateful that you're coming on. I just want you to know something. So you're inside on the joke here. I don't want anything to be making fun of on. I just want you to know something. You're inside on the joke here. I don't want anything to be making fun of you. I just want you to be inside. But have you seen people putting the weight lift emoji underneath your Instagram?

And she goes, she's so sweet. She goes, yeah, I thought that they thought I was getting fat. She thought that they were saying that she was fat the whole time what and she's coming from this country where they're not feeding her at all and finally she's in a place where she can eat food and she's getting fucking fat oh my god imagine being her and think you met her she's so frail she's tiny bro she's so us. Imagine thinking that she's fat. Bro. So I go, no, no, no, no.

It's not that. And I'm stuttering. I'm like the most uncomfortable. I explained it. Is it on video? Yes, I have video. I'll show you. And it's, I go, I just, well, you know how you're, you have kind of like sneaky fat tits?

I just think you'll see. I'll show you. Look at that. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Lovely lady. Amazing lady.

Listen, so I go, but we were just you know talking about that and we call those the heavies and it's just like a funny inside joke and she goes oh ha ha that's great that's awesome that's so funny that's so funny blah blah she thinks it's hilarious and um and then comes in the pod and we joke around it and and when we were joking around with her she said an interesting thing she goes wow um i've never had anybody make fun of me to my face. And then she goes, freedom is amazing. Whoa.

And it was a cool thing. Like with, she was with her story. Nobody makes fun of her. Nobody teases. Of course. We weren't making fun of her story. We're just balls and teasing,

but she had never like had that happen, at least on camera. And even that teasing is about an attractive attribute. We were so we wanted to make sure she was, I mean we literally have the weight. There's a picture where she's holding

Oh my god that's so ridiculous. Her holding onto that thing that says a thousand pounds. But that's, listen. But is this too inside? Because you and I, we go back and forth. No, no, no, no.

This is culture now, bro. Dude, we see people post randomly that have no clue we've spoken about it. Just randomly call big boobs the heavies. They have no clue that this happened here. Did you invent that term, the heavies? Yeah, I don't know. I just call it the heavies. But that was that, like, the first time you said it, the heavies? Yeah, I don't know. I just call it the heavies. But that was that, like, the first time you said it when you saw her?

Yeah, probably when I said it to you. Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah. Bro, that's all I call them now. I mean, that's it. That's all I call them now. People call it that. That's culture, man.

Dude. That's culture. I was, we were talking about this dude with his girlfriend, like, why she boss him around. I go, yo, she got the heavies. She got the heavies, bro. Like, you could boss around if you got the heavies. It's different. Yeah, like, she's a him around. I go, yo, she got the heavies. She got the heavies, bro. Like, you could boss around if you got the heavies. It's different.

Yeah, like, she's a little extra hot. Bro, oh yeah, the Nancy Pelosi's. The Nancy Pelosi's. She's got the heavies.

The heavies are crazy. Yo, I gotta pee so bad. Let's take a piss. Let me take a little pee break. Wait, what were we just saying? Oh,

you were talking about flow state. No, no, yo me. Oh, yo me. Yo me. Yeah,

yo me. Bro, there's a funny, there's a funny thing that happens. Like having a brain that jumps to jokes all the time. Because there was a moment, like I was listening to the Yomi story, and she was telling this immensely tragic story mean just this immensely tragic story right like the most tragic thing ever but she and she was talking about this thing where like her mom got sold to uh mentally retarded farmers yeah and i i it was like, my brain, I wanted, I didn't say it, but I wanted to know like what crop can like retards farm?

Well, it might not be a crop, might be animals. But a farmer, I guess farmers do have animals. Yeah. I just needed to know, but I couldn't ask it without it seemingly being insulting. Because it seems like I'm insulting, but I'm also like, I just want to know the crop. And that's just like. Do you want to imagine your life being at its lowest point? Like someone sold you to mentally handicapped people who are farmers.

Yeah. And you're out in the woods somewhere. There's no cell phones. There's no electricity. Yeah. And you just have to exist. Almost like, you know, I mean, it's not, you're not a caveman. You're a more, you're living in modern times.

Yeah. You're living in a time where there's electricity and televisions and movies and probably living at a time where Rambo was on the screen. And at that same time, you are the property of mentally handicapped people that are farmers in the middle of nowhere in china yeah like holy shit man yeah how the fuck do you get out of that that's that's the kind of conversation i want to have with those republican pull yourself up by your bootstraps people but you feel like you could escape from mental retarded farmers though, right? Some of them are strong.

But if they weren't, what if you gave them some ice cream or something and then they were really focused on that? You can't escape from your dog, man. Your dog's stupid. People are way... People are way fucking smarter. Even dumb people are smarter than a dog. Bro, they're going to keep you around.

They'll chain you up. You'll be like a pet kangaroo they have in their house. You know what's the most fucked up statistic? What? Is that there's more slavery today than there was before slavery was abolished in America. But what is that, population density or something? It's probably that, but it's also like what we consider slavery. Hmm.

It's like there's places where you're not a slave, but you really can't leave. So it's like indentured servitude. Or like cobalt mining like you don't have any food yeah so that's where you're gonna go how yeah where does our guilt extend like if we outsource all the things that we're guilty about does it leave at our border like i'm never it never leaves yeah you have a phone that's made by slaves but do you feel guilty about it yes you do yeah for sure if there was a phone that's made by slaves. But do you feel guilty about it? Yes. You do?

Yeah, for sure. If there was a company that came along that was like, if Samsung said, hey, we're going to make all of our phone cruelty free, we're going to get all of our cobalt from this place where we can ensure you that there's nothing there and no Chinese factory workers making 16 cents a day or whatever the fuck they make. Yeah. It's not, if, yeah, if there was a phone that was made in America that cost twice as much, I'd buy it in a fucking heartbeat.

But there isn't. There isn't. And because there isn't, we, what do we do? We put up with the guilt? Well, they fucked up. They fucked us, okay? And, you know, to be connected to something where you absolutely need it, but it's morally reprehensible at its very core. self-righteous things on a phone that was made by slaves.

That's the reality of these phones. And Apple's one of the richest fucking companies on planet Earth. I don't know what the logistics would be involved in making a phone in America with skilled labor that gets paid a fair wage and gets health insurance and union benefits and all that stuff. But whatever it is, I feel like I would like to pay that. Do we have cobalt? Maybe. And if I don't have the money, I'll buy less phones. I'll buy a phone.

I have a fucking iPhone 11. One of my phone lines is an iPhone 11. It's great. It still works. It still seems so normal when I fire it up. It doesn't seem any different to me but do we have the mineral like do we have cobalt in america that we can mine i don't think we do that's the tricky thing i don't know is cobalt available i thought it's only available

in like the congo well that's where the primary source is for sure but i think there's at least one other place on earth i I don't remember correctly. Mexico. Let's go. Mexico is this shit. Listen, we have a problem with the cartels. Let's just like Mexico. Do we have a problem with them? Do we have a problem with the cartels

or are we working with a cartel? Well, for sure someone's working with them. I mean, it's not just like 100% Mexican citizens that are sneaking across here and doing all this business. Someone's working with them. God damn, what's wrong with my throat? Yeah, someone for sure is working with them. But it's not good. It's not good to have this like fake scenario.

You have a fake scenario. Say drugs are bad. If you make drugs illegal, no one's going to do drugs. Like your math sucks. Okay. Cause that's not the correct math. The correct math is if you make drugs illegal, then illegal people sell drugs. You fucking asshole.

And so now you've propped up a multi-billion dollar industry south of the border filled with ruthless murderers. Idaho. It's the only cobalt mine in the United States and it's going to remain so. Okay, so we have some cobalt here. I'm sure they could find some more. Okay, maybe we have just enough for us. How about just for us? Let's let the world make their own moral decisions.

make their own moral decisions, but maybe if we legitimately are the moral high ground, we could encourage the rest of the world to realize the same thing we were talking about earlier about having too much money. You can't just think about money. At a certain point in time, you have to just figure out what's best for everybody. And in this situation, if I was the king of the world, if I was the king of America, I would say, how about we only make phones that are in America?

Yep. We make American-made phones with American, we'll have sanitary conditions that are safe and provide healthcare. All the things that you would hope someone working a fucking cobalt mine would get,

give them a great wage, make it so that this is an even exchange. It's not a negative exchange. Protect them from all the... And if we knew that the cobalt we're getting on our phone, you don't have to worry. These guys make $100,000 a year. They're fucking well paid.

They live in a great community. Okay, great now I don't feel bad about my phone. But if you watch those videos from Foxconn you see those fucking poor people Slaving away all day long in this sweatshop 16 hours a day they have bunks there and shit they put nets around the building to keep people from jumping off That is so wild instead of changing the conditions. They won't let from jumping off. That is so wild. Instead of changing the conditions that these people have to work. They won't let you kill you. That's crazy. They're like, get back to work.

They grab you by your hair, fucking drag you back down onto the floor. You probably owe them money or something. I mean, I don't know how they fucking do that. Yeah, it's a tricky one. You would want everything you use in your everyday life to have a clean connection to like ethically sourced materials, you know, great relationships with workers, no greedy corporations that are fucking over the environment. Everybody would want that. I think they'd want that if they had excess. I think most people are like trying to pay their fucking rent.

For sure. Like, all right, if this is a little bit cheaper, I have a little bit more money for my family, my parents who are sick, and my kids. I can buy them another fucking baseball mitt. And so they can't even consider people in the Congo. And I think that's the tricky thing where they know. It's almost like the Amazon situation where it's like most people probably know that amazon might not be the best situation for like mom and pop businesses but it's so convenient to them and it's so much cheaper and it's so efficient that they just go all right well

this is great for me yeah yeah there's that the the uh it is interesting but i think that in those circumstances when you know there's people that just can't afford to buy whatever it is, ethically sourced and organically grown, there should be other options. But if there was a clear option that someone could take, if a phone costs $1,000, $1,200, right? I just looked up as saying that cell phones are not what's driving the cobalt price rise. It is electronic. A price rise. Batteries. It's car batteries.

But yeah, well, that was the- Like Teslas and shit? But that is what they use them in cell phones. It's like lithium ion batteries. Eight grams of cobalt is in a cell phone and how much is in like a nine volt battery um how much cobalt in a yeah it's a nine volt but the rechargeable battery that's okay i i see your point you're right it's like um it's everything electronics we're thinking about it as cell

phones but that's because cell phones are the primary method of communication. And just how many podcasts are listened to on cell phones? All of them? Yeah. Or is it like 90%? Imagine if cell phones were made illegal and people still had to get podcasts. Done. The majority of modern electric vehicles use these batteries.

Chemistries and lithium nickel manganese manganese manganese cobalt oxide which have a cathode containing 10 to 20 percent cobalt. And what was the cell phone? Eight grams. Eight grams.

But that's a different measurement unit, right? One of them is percentage. Yeah. One of them is grams. Eight grams. But that's a different measurement unit, right? One of them's percentage. One of them's grams. Either way. I mean, it's kind of for everything with lithium ion batteries. It does something to stabilize it. You know what it's like? It's almost like asking four to thirty

kilograms for a UV. Five percent. Okay. Cell structure requires a minimum amount of cobalt, about five percent and less lower energy density. Lithium minimum amount of cobalt, about 5%, and less lower energy density. Lithium-ion batteries without cobalt are used at the expense of performance. A typical smartphone battery requires only 5 to 20 grams of cobalt, whereas an EV requires between 4 and 30 kilograms. Whoa. That's a lot more.

It's electric cars. Electric cars are fucking up the environment. Oh, no. Isn't that like, what a conundrum? Life is funny. I mean, it's not just the environment. It's like, when I'm saying the environment, I'm like the frequency of the earth. Yes.

Until somebody cleans that up, the mines, until somebody actually looks at it, every electronic thing with lithium ion batteries is connected to this horrific crime against humanity. What are we doing? Nothing. Nothing. Wild. All the chitter chatter, all the talk about equality and equity and helping and charity. What about that? We're all not a personally responsible yeah bro this ain't a secret it's not like a fucking x marks a spot in a pirate map nope this is google yeah google and yeah i has to darth carl on my podcast we

talked about it in front of fucking millions of people people know it's a thing yeah they're not they're not even talking about it. They're not doing shit. It's inconvenient. It's very. It's too inconvenient to care about. It's very inconvenient. Yeah.

For all of us. Yeah. We're not going to stop using our phones. Idaho Cell Phone Company. You going to start it? That should be the name of the company, Idaho Cell Phone Company. Dude, Idaho? They mine cobalt.

If Apple was smart they'd make a deal okay like you buy iphone you can buy iphone pro iphone pro max you can buy that or you could buy an idaho cell phone company iphone iphone okay it costs two thousand dollars but it's made in fucking idaho and you get to see the photos of the people that work in the factory and you know that everybody's getting paid well and everybody has health insurance. You know, you would do it. Of course.

100%. It would be a big status thing to have the Idaho cell phone company's iPhone. But that is good. That is good. We reward caring about other people 100% We want that We want that

I-C-C I-C-C Idaho Cell Phone Company This might happen Just old school Just a fucking Flat phone Like a

The state of Idaho Like the way it's on the map Like on the back Just says I-C-C And everybody You got an ICC Oh shit cool, bro. Help not the environment This might be Fuck a blue check

Have your phones made by people who are getting paid to work? What a novel idea you get your own color text. It's blue, it's not green It's free, it's freedom Right, what would be purple, like Prince You get purple text Right, that's all they would have to do Everybody would want a purple text Imagine a guy texts a girl with that purple text And she got a text back with her shitty green

Oh No, it'd be the opposite No guy's gonna care if a girl has green. It's like, I'll buy her another phone. Yeah, we're going to fuck them. Yeah. But we're going to level them up. Yeah.

We're going to make them care about us. I think the more disturbing thing would be the woman who has purple. That's intimidating. And then a man has green. You're hitting her with the green? Oh, no. He hit me with an Android text. Easily interceptable.

I can't hit purple with green. I'm not ready for this, girl. Yeah not enough colors on my palette yeah yeah we should be funny like the android phone thing it's very interesting like yeah they were joking around about it because brian simpson uses an android phone and i have android envy because my main phone's an iphone but i have an android phone too it's a good fucking phone it's like there's things that suck though. The fact that you can't send things through AirDrop. AirDrop is big. Well, that's what Apple does.

It creates the moat. Yeah. And iMessage is big. It's huge. They're smart. They're very smart. They know what they're doing, man. They're just so great at creating the moat and like making everything so seamless for

you. But they were all calling Brian Simpson a peasant. I'm like, bro, he's got a Samsung Galaxy S23 Ultra. That's a $1,400, $1,500 phone. That's not like a cheap phone. It's the same price as a really expensive iPhone. It's the best Android phone you can get.

He's just stuck in a... But once you started with Samsung, it was poor. The thing is, it's like you're in a different little world. Yeah, I'm in that world world i'm part of the narrative i'm like caught up in it and i know it's bullshit and i know it's not true and i know all like the facts and i know all like the what is the pixels and

all that kind of shit from the samsung are better and i see those videos where samsung compares it to an iphone and it's way better in every different version of it and i'm still like this is not way better it's marginally better oh i thought it's like the iPhone and it's way better in every different version of it. And I'm still like, this is- It's not way better. It's marginally better. Oh, I thought it's like- The only thing that's way better is taking pictures of the moon and it turns out it's not really taking pictures of the moon. Dude, that's the best.

You're the best. The best. Dude, that's why you got to appreciate nerds, man. Yes. You got to appreciate these guys who are going out there- I appreciate them so much. Fact checking everything. Bro, they took a photo of a blurry photo of the moon on a screen.

Okay, so first of all, Samsung was claiming that their phone can take 100x zoom pictures, and they proved it by taking pictures of the moon. Well, it definitely can take 100x zoom pictures, but you have to understand what it's doing with that moon shot is way stronger than 100X. It's doing some shenanigans with artificial intelligence. Right. Because 100, if you do the 100 zoom on a Galaxy Ultra, it's a legitimate zoom. It's not just things that it knows are going to be there, like the moon.

Because the moon, you know the moon doesn't turn? Do you know that? What do you mean it doesn't turn? The moon doesn't turn do you know that what do you mean it doesn't the moon doesn't turn we turn the moon is locked into our orbit and we see the same side of the moon always but we turn yeah but the moon turns with us so it turns at the exact same goes no no it follows us so we're getting the version of the moon. Exactly. At the same time. Exactly. Aren't we, so sun is here. We are-

Pick up the skulls. Yeah, so this is us. Yeah. Hold on, this is going to be- This is us. Right. Moon. Yeah.

Moon is rotating around us. We're rotating around the sun. Exactly. So you're saying the moon is rotating around us the exact same speed. The moon is rotating around us, we're rotating around the sun. Exactly. So you're saying the moon is rotating around us the exact same speed. The moon is rotating around us but not rotating. So it's not spinning as it's rotating. We spin.

And it follows us. Why doesn't it spin? That I don't understand. Because it follows us. Like, say, look. Here's the palm of my hand. Well, I'll show you right here. Watch me. Watch me. Here's the palm of my hand. Right? Okay. Now imagine this is the earth. Imagine the earth is spinning. And the palm of my hand. So it's- Well, I'll show you right here. Watch me. Watch me. Here's the palm of my hand, right? Yeah. Okay. Now imagine this is the earth. Yeah.

Imagine the earth is spinning. Okay. And the palm of my hand follows the earth as it spins, but you only see this palm of my hand. You don't see my knuckles. You don't see the back of my hand. You see the palm of my hand because it never spins. So the moon, when we see the moon, so like if you're looking out and you see the moon, you see the same moon every night because you never see a moon that's spinning. The moon doesn't spin. Ah, hence dark side of the moon. So if you're looking out and you see the moon, you see the same moon every night. Because you never see a moon that's spinning.

The moon doesn't spin. Ah, hence dark side of the moon. Exactly. Ah. Exactly. So that's why it's a moon and not an individual planet. Because it's as big, it's actually bigger than Pluto, right? An individual planet would be locked into the gravity of the sun.

Exactly. But since it's locked into the gravity of the sun. Exactly. But since it's locked into our gravity. Exactly. It's a moon. Yeah. You know, see how it works? See how the earth spins? Oh, wow.

The moon gives us the same face constantly. So we come around and see it because the moon's gone, then the moon's there. What's on the other side? But we always see the same side. Anything interesting? Aliens. Do you think? Aliens and Nazis.

Mostly Nazis. Nazis. The aliens picked the worst group of people to collaborate with. Or the best. What if aliens just cared about technology so much, they're like, oh, these guys got some good ideas. And they didn't even learn about any of the other shit they just were like

who understands rocket propulsion the best imagine if they thought about us the same way we think about like wasps where it's just like it doesn't matter

I'll pick one let them kill each other but they're really good at designing engines and eventually we get up there and we go listen buddy

there's some pretty bad other shit going on with the Nazis. And we have to explain to them what Jewish people are. Imagine that conversation. Yeah. Oh, well, okay. But their engines are amazing.

BMW's the shit. They're into the cars. Have you seen an SL500? Bro, E4646 BMW M3. Shut the fuck up. Shut up. So is that the thing? Is that what they think?

Is that the conspiracy? Give me the conspiracy, no facts associated whatsoever. Well, the conspiracy is that there was connections between the Nazis and the occult. And this is the thing that they always talk about, like maybe even Satanism, maybe even summoning evil entities from other dimensions. The real conspiracy is that

if you think about the amount of horrific things they did, they were absolutely abhorrent, absolutely contrary to what we would think of as being the best values of human nature. And the whole country got behind this. Like how did that happen?

How did they kill so many people? If you were a person who was inclined to – and I'm not saying I'm not. I'm not saying I don't believe in demons and Satan. I'm not saying I don't because I think that's foolish too imagine if it was real yeah you see that type of evil you go okay well maybe that's associated with something but you gotta you gotta think something happened during that time where the world dipped into a darker dimension than it's ever experienced and in at least in the lifetimes of those people that experienced that. Like, what is that?

What the fuck causes that? So you think that they tap into something. They tap into a dark energy. I think it's a part of everything and maybe a part of us, which is why you can talk about the Mongols and what the fuck they did and why you talk about the Comanches. And now it took like 100 years for people to conquer Texas because they just kept getting slaughtered.

Unbelievable. Everybody got slaughtered. Well, they also had that horse tech. They have horse tech. They also had multiple arrows in their fingers. And these dudes had muskets. It was musket time. It wasn't until they came up with the Colt 45.

It wasn't Colt 45. It was... The revolver. Yeah, Colt 45. It was the revolver. Yeah, Colt revolver. Colt revolver. Colt revolver was the first time they ever could shoot more than once at a time. And it changed the game. Not enough spoken about that in history and how that like carved out America on the planet. Did the Colt 45 create America?

It wasn't a Colt 45. Whatever the Colt revolver. Did the colt revolver yeah create america it kind of did because if someone didn't come up you know they didn't think that was necessary in war so they weren't even going to like utilize it and then the texas rangers were the first people to go i think i see a fucking need to shoot multiple bullets because these guys got four rapid fire because these guys were riding on horseback, shooting under the horse's neck. So they would dip to the side of the horse? They would hang themselves on the side.

They would hold on to the side of the horse, and they would shoot past the horse's neck. What is holding them on the side? Are they saddles or are they bareback? They would do bareback. They would hold on. They had incredible grip with their legs. But they had different reins and things and ways they would hold on to the horses. But you would just hang on to the horse and shoot underneath its body.

So it used its body as a shield. A fucking shield. It's all bang, bang, bang, bang. Good luck. And then they're like, oh, no. It's over. good luck and then they're like oh no it's over apparently there's um there's some wild stories about uh medicine men that bless their warriors they look like you know they were real shaman and then there was also con men even in the world of native americans like we want to think about

native americans like they were you know they were in tune with the land. They also had snake oil salesmen. Yes! They did. So they had fake medicine men. They would tell them, I will put a spell on you and you will never be killed by the white man's bullet. And so they would do this fucking, they were just making it up. And then all of a sudden

this dude's got a Henry rifle and he's shooting from 200 yards. What's a Henry rifle? A Henry rifle is like an old-school Wild West rifle. And they were shooting people. What does a Henry rifle look like? It is a pump action, right? The old-school ones? Show me a photo of one of them.

It says, well, the Henry rifles, they still make Henry rifles today. They make some dope rifles. But this is back then. And then this dude's head's exploding 100 yards away. And they're like, oh, no. Because now they're realizing these guys can shoot from really far. They can shoot from several hundred yards away with some of these more modern rifles. When did rifles become accurate?

Because my understanding of the muskets was it was kind of a guess. Kind of a guess. Right? Right? I was reading a little bit the muskets was it was kind of a guess. Kind of a guess. Right? Right? Like I was reading a little bit about muskets and it was like I think it was – it wasn't until they did like the spiral barrel or something like that. It's called rifling. That's why it's called a rifle.

See, the difference between a rifle and a musket is not just the way the powder knocks. You had a flint and the flint would make a spark. And then it goes. It would light the gunpowder and the ball would go. Yeah. But a rifle actually has rifling. So there's like a pattern to the barrel, the inside. So it spins the bullet as it comes out.

It has the bullet spinning. Okay, so you shot that arrow today, right? Yeah. If you notice the back of the arrow, it has fletchings. Those are the wings on it. Yeah, exactly. Now, in the old days, those were feathers. Yeah.

They would use them to steer the arrow, but now we use a plastic. And those feathers, those are AAE max vanes. And so they're all at an angle, and there's four of them. So as that arrow's coming, it's twisting and turning. Oh, you want the turn because the spin is what creates the accuracy. Exactly. It keeps it accurate. And then there's also broadheads that accentuate the damage that's caused by the spin.

There's a type of broadhead called a single bevel broadhead. So this is a real Native American broadhead. That's a real one. So this would be the tip of an arrow. Yes. This has been on an arrow. That was, who knows how many hundreds of years old before someone pulled it out of the ground. Yeah.

Yeah, that's old as fuck. I mean, maybe it was from the 1800s. Maybe it was from the 1700s. But so that is an ancient broadhead, right? Now, a modern one, they have ones that have an edge like this on one side but not on the other. Explain that. And what happens is, so like see how there's an edge here and there's an edge here on both sides, okay?

If it's beveled in on both sides to a point, it looks like a teepee, right? Yeah, yeah. But if it's only on one side, it looks like that. And when it's on one side, it causes it to spin through the body cavity. Oh, so it just tears up your body when it's on one side it causes it to spin through the body cavity oh so it just tears up your body when it gets yeah it continues to spin that's called a single bevel broadhead it's like a hollow tip their version of a hollow tip their version of a hollow tip but

very good because it penetrates bone because it's a single blade. There's a lot going on with those things, man. When you see in the movies where they do the thing where they snap the arrow and they pull it out I guess the other side. You could do that. Let's say you get shot with an arrow. Arrow stuck. Is it just yank out the opposite way or is it

snap? No. You want to push it through. And then push it through. Yeah. If it's poking out your back definitely don't try to pull it back 100% also leave it in if you got shot with an arrow and it's poking under your body leave it in and get to a hospital because you'll be able to stop the bleeding hopefully in the hospital but if it is the arrow in your body will help stop bleeding far more than pulling the arrow free. Then everything would just bleed. And then also like the, what is this? This guy got hit by it? Oh, my God.

He got shot in the eyeball during a riot. He got shot in the eyeball with an arrow. Oh, my God. That's so insane. How much accuracy do you have when you're shooting a parabola? So you're not shooting straight like we did today, but when you're going for distance and it's just up in the air, like you see the,

uh, in like medieval fights. Right. How much accuracy is that? Like just fucking plain. Well, you never do that. Right.

Like if you're trying to shoot an animal, is that what you mean? No, no. I mean like when it's like human, human is like, you're just shooting. You have to judge it.

Yeah. It's a, it's like throwing a softball. I don't do that kind of archery, so I'm speaking a little bit out of tune, but when you throw a softball, like if you throw a lot of balls or a hardball, you get accustomed to how it feels

when you let that ball go and you know where that catcher's mitt's going to be. With football, if you're going long, you're just sending it. You don't get as much information from an arrow, a bow and arrow, because it's like you're launching something, whereas this, you're throwing something. But it's kind of similar in that there's a feedback loop. And then as you shoot more arrows, you get more and more accustomed to knowing where that arrow is going to go

with distance. But it's a brutal process of elimination and information and calculation. And it's not easy. Like what we did today is so much easier than like a recurve bow. When you just have like a wood bow and you're like, boink, you have to release it yourself. You're using your fingers to let it go. I don't have any ego to say that there's no way I could hold it back and maintain the accuracy.

Well, it's like anything else. You have to build on it. You wouldn't just get good at it really quick. That's strength, dude. else you have to build on it like you wouldn't just get good at it really quick strength dude like that is yeah it was when when you when i pulled it back and it locked i was like okay i can kind of focus on this front part yeah a bit but then my my hand is all fucking shaky yeah that's oh is that oh john dudley doing a 500 yard bow shot it kind of comes down it doesn't go like straight it comes down oh Oh, yeah, for sure.

Because you've got to think it's not going that fast. Are you calculating wind and shit? Oh, yeah. You definitely would for that. So he's just trying to land on his target. Far. Yeah, that's just crazy.

John did a thing for us back on it where he shot. Jesus Christ. Got something in my throat. Save that voice. We got shows tonight, Joe. Yeah, it's like I swallowed something. John had a, I think it was 120-yard shot into a kettlebell. Yeah, this is it.

Look at this. So he shot it into the handle of a a kettlebell. Yeah, this is it. Look at this. I mean, this is crazy. So he shot it into the handle of a gorilla kettlebell. Look at that. Bam. How crazy is that? It's crazy. Oh, it was lit, right?

Yeah. His lighted knots. But you know how wild that is, that shot? I mean, that's insane. But you can't do that with a regular bow. Like a recurve bow that that's that's not available you can only do that with a compound bow but they did have some recurve bows that would be like the mongols had ones that would take 160 pounds to draw back so if you think about what 80 so that one was 80 now imagine double that forget and you have to hold it

And then aim it. Yeah, I mean they must have just been fucking Yeah Must have been 160 pound bows. That's crazy. I want to learn I want to read more about that like I Just want to yeah, just what is the competitive advantage with all these different groups? Like what was the Romans competitive advantage? Do you know? If I had to guess, they had a high level of sophistication when it came to military strategy.

They had, you know, I mean, they had so much money. So it was just money from trade. How does it not have to? I mean, if you're going to I mean if you're gonna arm your people And you wanna pay them And pay your soldiers You wanna give them fucking armor And weapons and shit

Like the more money you have The more weapons The more horses And what is that money coming from? Resources Stealing from people So that's They're just like going in

They're taking all the shit And then I would imagine there's a lot of things going on Wait wait That actually makes sense That If your business is You're essentially like, that, if your business is, you're essentially like a pirate. Like, if

your business is just conquests and stealing, you need to continue to expand the empire to continue to feed it. Yeah. And then the bigger the empire gets, the less that money affects the rest of the empire. So you reach a certain level where you just can't sustain it. Yes. Oh,

wow. Yeah. that makes perfect sense yeah you just go crazy yeah you go crazy like a like the son of a rich man who's doing coke in a mansion you just go fucking crazy bro that's what they said no that's what they said that guy was what was his name oh fuck um and they said it was the lead pipes. He didn't drink from the water. Marcus Aurelius' son was? Oh, Commodus. No.

No, no, no. What was Marcus Aurelius' son? The evil son, right? Yeah, Zeno? Zeno? Zen? Doesn't matter. But I guess they said that-

Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah. Commodus. Oh, you're right. I was right. Okay. Maybe it wasn't a function of just like this guy came up in extreme wealth and opportunity and whatever.

Maybe it was a function of like they didn't understand the lead pipes made you fucking crazy. And for the first time, he was every bit of water that he drank was from those lead pipes. Oh my. For the first time? Think about it. No way. He was the was every bit of water that he drank was from those lead pipe. Oh my for the first time Think about it. You know when he was the first person like that. That's Generation was the first generation. Well, Aurelius was was Aurelius born into it. I don't know Because I when I was in Rome and I was looking is this like a widely studied theory the lid

This was a guy told me in in When I was at the Coliseum. Definitely an article in Science about it. Did lead poisoning bring down ancient Rome? Because they didn't know. For them, the idea that there was water and there was accessible water that was actually good for you was for the rich only. And what if that's all you had? Of course you're going to go crazy because at the beginning of his reign, he wasn't that crazy. And then my man just went wild.

Whoa. Yeah, it could have been the lead place. Tap water from ancient Rome. Tap water from ancient Rome. Likely contained 100 times more. 100 times more lead than local spring water. And all the poor people don't have fucking plumbing, so they're getting water from a river. Isn't that a little bit of karma?

Isn't that a little bit of karma? Life works in mysterious ways. Sometimes the universe. Oh, it will correct, my boy. Sometimes the universe just sends you a message Remember when Heather McDonald Blacked out on stage She was talking about the vaccine

I mean, I don't mean to diss on her She's a nice lady But has there ever been a time Where the universe is like Yo, hang on There's a compilation Have you seen the Gay dancing where they do the fall Yes, I have that There's a compilation. Have you seen the gay dancing where they do the fall?

Yes, I have that. Yes, yes, yes. There's a compilation. Yes, yes, yes. There's a compilation. Of all the different people blacking out. Of all the people falling as part of the gay dancing, and then Heather just dropping. Yeah.

But she was really going off about how proud she was about being boosted a few times. Yeah, hilarious. Yeah. But it's like the universe is like, hey, hey, hey, hey. You're going too far. You guys are going too far now. This whole fucking world's going too far. How about that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drop. That's why people believe in God. Well, okay. Stuff like that. You believe in? Maybe there is a fucking someone watching over us. I hope so.

I hope so, too. And what if religion is just the language that you can speak to him as he speaks to you? Yeah. Because they all more or less say the same things. Very similar. And what if they're up there, they're going, I don't really mind what language you speak, as long as you're doing these things, because I think it will help you. It's not even like a narcissism thing, which is like, hey, if you do these things,

you're probably going to live a better life and enjoy this life, this that i've given you yeah i wonder if that's it because yeah what is it the pascal's wager have you heard of that yeah i i kind of subscribe to that i was raised with no religion but it's like i'd rather live life thinking there was a god yeah that's jordan peterson's position too yeah i i think there's something to it. There certainly could be. Do you think there's someone out there? I don't think we should think of it as a someone. Because I have a feeling that's part of the problem. Like we pretended it got some dude in a skirt.

Fucking robe in the sky. You know, they wear clothes. And back before they had cell phones, like, what? God, really? What is that? Like, why are we depicting him like that? If you just are honest about how people tell stories, if you just really just don't think about what you know to be true

and what you believe and what your faith tells you. Just like what you know about human beings and stories. Every time human beings have told a story, like if you wanted to talk to someone from Oliver North's family about like what happened with Rick Ross and cocaine sales in South Central Los Angeles. Did they use the money to fund the Conchas versus the Sandinistas in Nicaragua? Oh, they would never do that. Like, what? They would never do that. His family doesn't believe that, right?

Because they have a very specific narrative. And then 100 years from now, Ronald Reagan would be like the greatest, most noble American that's ever lived. And to some people, he is today. So it's like these narratives shift and swing and change over time depending on who tells them which is why censorship is so dangerous and what's why ideological narratives are so dangerous because if you don't tell me the truth about history i don't know what to not fuck up again but what is the truth about how we treat each other? I feel like there is a truth there Yeah, and I think there are what you can judge a religion by like by its fruit like there's a reason why

Judaism was successful. There's a reason why Christianity comes around and it's successful and there's a reason why Islam comes around It's successful. It has have fruit It can't just be I'm forcing you to do this the people have to enjoy what they're getting from it for it to be successful 100 yeah so they needed it in the time you know like i almost wonder if you look at religions as like like girlfriends like like every new one is a reaction to the last one like judaism was like very strict and there's all these rules and you have you can't eat this and you can't do that and then like christianity comes around and it's just like hey bro i love you you know like hey hey you did something fucked up i love you you know like there's it it's right

like there's some just say you're sorry that's it that's it that's it just say you're sorry and i love you come to heaven and like, then it got too crazy maybe. Like, not too crazy, but then maybe it was taking advantage of too much. It was like, I don't even need much from you. And then people were like, all right, well, I'm not going to do much. And then Islam comes around and it's like, oh, you weren't even praying once every week? Like, now you're going to do it five times a day. Five times a day.

Yeah. Happy Ramadan, by the way. I think today is the first day of Ramadan. It's today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I don't know. I just feel like it's a function of like what humans might need. Like I almost think about like what is popular now in society and culture,

like these figures, like Jordan is a perfect example, like you're a perfect example. Like I think as Americans have kind of like left religion, we still need the structure. Yeah. And like even like telling somebody to get in an ice bath in the morning. Like that's a religious act. Maybe it's not done for God, but there's a consistency there.

There's something that you do that makes you feel good. Like I feel like we've found a way to like a la carte the different structures that religion provided us now that we don't have religion. Yeah, I'm glad you said that about the ice pack because I think that sometimes it is a ritual for me. And it's also like a silent thing. I'm doing it completely by myself. And the just commitment to it, I think there's something. Also, it's like super uncomfortable. And when it's super uncomfortable but you still do it every day, you get like a little bit of you win one little battle every day what

about religion has to be comfortable for you know religion doesn't have to be comfortable that's why there's something good in that one it's like that there's like a physical barrier that you have to get through for three minutes every day and if you can get through that barrier like you will have like a better day yeah seems so stupid I mean I'll be honest with you bro I ain't doing that shit I tried it

I can't I don't like the cold bro You think I like it? I think you like defeating it You don't defeat it You never win I think you like challenge And I think you like conquering challenge.

You don't conquer this. You just tolerate it. That's the best part. You can never win. Is that the win, though? You can never win. It's going to be 34 degrees to the end of time. How long can you hang out in there?

You don't win. You never win with a cold plunge. Maybe that's the ego check. You can't be like, I am the fucking freeze man. You know? Even Wim Hof has to get out of the ice bath. You have to get out.

You'll die. So maybe that's the humility. Maybe that's like, it's related to something like the jujitsu of it. Like, you're gonna get tapped by somebody.

Right. There's something to that for sure. And maybe we need that. Maybe we need to be humbled. I think so. It's healthy for us to be humbled. I think you need something that. Maybe we need to be humbled. I think so. It's healthy for us to be humbled. I think you need

something that takes away your ability to control it. And the cold plunge is uniquely good because it's voluntary. No one's forcing you to do it. You climb in there. You have a little victory by getting yourself in there. And then you watch a timer and count it down

and when three minutes are up, you get out and you won. You won. You did it. It sucked. You didn't want to do it down. And when three minutes are up, you get out and you won. You won. You did it. It sucked. You didn't want to do it, but you did it. So now the whole day is like you know how to suck it up. You know how to deal with bullshit. You know how to overcome something that's not fun.

And you did it on purpose. And it'll aid you. It'll aid you in other things other things that are frustrating or you know you're you're on it it's like at a time where we can look at our phone and be distracted and feel good whenever we want at a time where we can get a nice cozy feeling of distraction whenever we want we're forcing ourselves to do things that are inconvenient yeah that make us suffer and very important through that suffering we find i think That's very important. Through that suffering, we find... I think it's very important.

Some happiness. Yeah. I think it helps. I think your body is designed to overcome a certain amount of anxiety... Adversity. And stress and adversity and challenges and fear. And if you don't burn that out, I think that's why so many people are on medications.

I think they think they need medication to get through life, and I think you need life to get through medication. That's what I think. You're more resilient than you realize. Yeah, way more. And you need to test that resilience. Everybody is. That's what sports does.

Yes. Yeah, you need to test your resilience. Think about this thing that we talked about with Randall Carlson and Graham Hancock's theory about the comet impacts from 12,000 years ago. Modern civilization as people talk about it today started – the way we talk about it today in conventional academic circles, they say it started 6,000 years ago. in conventional academic circles, they say it started 6,000 years ago. That means that if Graham is right and Vrandel is right

and their theory is right, that means that people lived in utter barbarism for 6,000 years before they started to reinvent agriculture and mathematics. For 6,000 years, in order to reinvent agriculture and mathematics. For 6,000 years, they probably slayed each other with sticks and rocks. Seems hard to believe, no?

Not really. Yeah. Not at all. Oh, you think it is? I think that is what happened. I think at certain places, I think that happened. I think in other places, there was remnants of the ancient technology. And I think they lived certain places I think that happened. I think in other places there was remnants of the ancient technology.

And I think they lived in different ways. Perhaps. Yeah. Perhaps. But there's not a lot of evidence. The evidence shows that like Mesopotamia, particularly like Sumer, like that seems to be the oldest shit that we can find. Yeah. In terms of like until these Randall Carlson, Graham Hancock type theories came along, nobody entertained the thought of like the pyramids being older or the Sphinx being older. Like it wasn't until like the 1990s that people start talking about that.

They've always just like assumed the timeline was accurate. And that timeline was like 6,000 years ago. Ancient Sumer. It's the first mathematics, the first written language. It's like a version of some of the stories from the biblical flood. You know, the Epic of Gilgamesh, which comes from this ancient Sumerian culture, very similar to Noah's Ark. A little bit. Very similar.

But you find these similar stories everywhere. Because it happened! And it happened in different places. Because it was a common thing. Yep. Flood was common. Yeah. Cataclysm was maybe common. Not just that, but instantaneous flooding and cataclysm that comes from meteors slamming into

the fucking ice caps. Yeah. Or think about how they would react to a hurricane. Yeah. I mean, think about how simple we view a hurricane and what that does. Or a tornado. The damage that does to a city. Now, that's a city that has buildings made of concrete and stone.

Imagine tents, right? Yeah. Imagine people living more or less outside. The devastation that that would cause. It's a different life. What's the part of the world that has the most hurricanes? The Caribbean? Is it Caribbean? I would assume. What's the part of the world that has the most hurricanes? The Caribbean? Is it Caribbean?

I would assume. I would assume the Caribbean. Makes sense, right? Like warmer water, right? Like the Atlantic is a warmer water. Come up from Africa, crossover, and then they hit the Caribbean. And I don't know.

Like I wonder if you could like tie cultural attributes to cataclysm. You go to the Caribbean and there's this incredible love and kindness and support, like Latin culture that you feel. And it's just like, yeah, maybe we should focus on that shit. Maybe we should help each other out. Maybe we don't need to build a skyscraper. Maybe we need to dance today.

Right, because the fucking sky gods might come down and wipe out your whole village. Japan is actually number one on that list. Country's most exposed to tropical cyclones worldwide in 2022. Like, it makes sense that, like, up in- Wow, Japan's number one. Well, they have- And the Philippines. Oh, yeah, yeah, the cyclones and shit.

Then the Bahamas, and then South Korea. Yeah. Antigua and Barbuda. That's in the... Is Barbuda Barbados? No. Different place. I don't think so, yeah. China, Cuba. Of course Cuba, right? Dominican Republic, Cuba. Vietnam, Mexico,

Dominica. Mexico, of course, I imagine. Florida, not even on the list. They don't even touch that. Now what about tornadoes? Is that like exclusively an American problem? Well, I would want to know

how the natives spoke about tornadoes. Right. Because they're the ones who probably had to deal with them for a thousand years. What the fuck?

Imagine trying to get away from a tornado on a horse. On a horseback. Oh my God. Yeah, USA owns that category. Oh my God. What's that?

USA owns that category. Oh, we own it? Yeah, most biggest, most destructive. Number one. What's that? USA owns that category. Oh, we own it? Yeah, most biggest, most destructive. Number one. What is that, Tosh joke? That's why they're so fat in Oklahoma, so they'll stay on the

ground. Bro, Tosh is a goat, man. Dude. Love Tosh. Anyway, yeah, I don't know. I love him too. I don't know i just i think too i think you can like i don't know i think you can look at culture and the way that it is evolved through the circumstances they had to deal with it's like you look at like canadians right and a lot of people like oh canadians are so nice and it's like think about how difficult life was in canada before big cities

i'm talking about go to calgary i'm talking about go to Edmonton. Like, yeah, your neighbor's going to be nice to you when your life is dependent on it. Yeah. It's negative 90. Negative fucking 90 degrees. We all have a cattle farm or horses and the hay isn't there and we need to feed them. I need to be able to go to you and be like,

Hey, do you have some hay? Cause all my cattle are going to fucking die. That's going to create some kindness. You live new york where like the elements aren't gonna affect it that much and like you can kind of check out for most things and as long as the water is pretty good and the food yeah we can be rude to one another because we can afford to be we don't rely on each other as much exactly yeah so it's like culture is is like dependent on like the how much you need to rely on one another

and what the elements provide you. Yeah. That's a good way of looking at it. Yeah, look how welcoming. It's like you're thinking how disciplined and how good the engineering of the Germans were. But you had to be on top of your fucking game if you're living in that freezing mountain weather. Right? Yeah, why were they good?

It's a good question. They were so good. They were so good at engineering. Was there like a focus on intelligence? Was there a focus on like studying? Was there a focus on education? I wish I knew the answer to that. But there had to be something

because I think Audi, Mercedes, BMW. Volkswagen. Volkswagen, Porsche. They were teaching that stuff there before the United States was a country. Oh, the Industrial Revolution played a critical role in catapulting Germany into engineering stardom. The Dresden Academy of Engineers was founded in 1743, where subjects such as mathematics, fortress construction. Hilarious. But you also look at like-

Mechanics and the study of machinery. construction hilarious but you also look at mechanics and the study of machinery where's uh where all of like the great um uh classical uh what is it called um music all the great classical juilliard no no no the classical composers okay i think most of them are from germany as well like germany must have experienced like a level of opulence for an extended period of time where like they could just go i'm gonna be an orchestra conductor. Shit gotta be good for a while. A long time. Where your job is blowing into a fucking horn.

Right? Think about, in human history, how long has it been where you could blow into a horn for a living? So maybe they just had that for hundreds of years and because of that they could develop all this crazy shit while everybody's basically trying to stay alive trying to get to another season like hoping it rains could be because well there certainly has to be some sort of an effect

dual education system back long long time ago where they would split up a theoretical and practical knowledge wow the study program combines a technical knowledge with the commercial expertise and is building networks between the subjects, which can be essential for the later job world. Because this is what Germany had. France had the thinkers, but they're like, we're not going to do shit.

Philosophers. Exactly. Smoke cigarettes, get my dick sucked. Exactly. I'm going to get my dick sucked. Guy, girl, don't matter. What are you saying? Freedom fries.

But Germany was like, now we need some science too. So France is just... It's cold out here. We need better engines. And France was just like, how many different espressos can we make? Imagine if those motherfuckers came up with a bomb first. The French?

No, the Germans. They were probably pretty close. Where did Einstein come from? Germany. I put Einstein. Well, Oppenheimer too, right? Where's he from? Operation Paperclip. Oppenheimer's not from Operation Paperclip. No, no, no.heimer, too, right? Where's he from? Operation Paperclip.

Oppenheimer's not from Operation Paperclip. No, no, no. Oh, yeah. Historically speaking. Wasn't that mostly NASA scientists, though? But weren't they all from? Well, it's like rocketry. You know, and rockets were used to deliver bombs, too.

Like, the rocketry program in Berlin was insane. Like, Wernher von Braun was an absolute legitimate Nazi who was in charge of a rocket factory in Berlin where they would hang the slowest Jews in front of the rocket factory. So when people would walk through, they would realize this is the penalty if you work slow. That's Werner Von Braun. And then we hired him. that's Werner Von Braun that's the guy we fucking brought him over from the Nazis to run our NASA program to get us to the moon

is that like the version is that like Michael Jackson what do you mean where like the work is so good you just like forget about the fuck shit right 1943 the United States launched the Like, I want to say I'm a Makusa. I want to say I'm a Makusa. 1943, the United States launched the ALOS mission, a foreign intelligence product focused on learning the extent of Germany's nuclear program. By 1944, however, the evidence was clear that Germans had not come close to developing a bomb and had only advanced to preliminary research.

Wow. bomb and it only advanced to preliminary research wow how far away do you think it came from us going from preliminary research to the manhattan project like how long was that thank god they didn't do it though what is that just imagine right there bro oh isn't that dope that's a japanese artist made it for me that's sick bro the Japanese are awesome shit bro definitely we need to look into the Japanese you know that's the only people that the Mongols didn't take over

and why because the Samurais fucked them up the Mongols showed up and they tried to take over Japan on several occasions more than one occasion

and every time they were met with these fucking dudes who actually knew how to fight and were sword trained they were shooting arrows at distances and they're like whoa what the fuck is going on here they were like the if you think about Fucking dudes who actually knew how to fight and were sword trained and were shooting arrows at distances.

And they're like, whoa, what the fuck is going on here? They were like the, if you think about samurais. What the fuck was a samurai? Japan was the origins of karate, judo, jujitsu. All that shit came out of Japan. But we're talking about feudal Japan? Like we're talking about kingdoms and such? Japanese have always attributed their victory to storms and that wrecked the Mongols' fleets during both attempted invasions in 1274 and 1281. They concluded that Japan was protected from invasion by a divine wind or kamikaze, which was invoked world war ii to inspire pirates pilots to launch suicide

attacks on allied ships so it could be storms but also they fought they definitely had hand-to-hand combat and a samurai was like what is the equivalent of that today is that like a is that a military dude or is that like a street? I mean, eventually they became Ronins. There was a period of time during Musashi's era where they were mostly samurais without a master. And they would have one-on-one duels. The Book of Five Rings is based on Miyamoto Musashi's writings. I don't know the book. Musashi's writings about I don't know the book.

The greatest book on strategy and like it was a guy who killed 62 men, at least 60. 60 men in one-on-one armed like sword fights. Because you could come up to someone and just be like it's armed. They would make duels. They would decide to have

duels. And that's to the death. To the death with swords. And Musashi killed everybody he was that he became the boogeyman yeah he became the boogeyman and but his philosophy was that to be a great swordsman you had to be good at calligraphy you had to be good at poetry you had to be able to to make art bro imagine the dude that killed your dad was a poet. Bro, imagine your dad died, and then the next day he's like, flowers are green, flowers are blue.

I don't think we're talking about haikus. I think we're talking about different kinds of poetry. But he's trying to be well-rounded, I guess. 100%, yeah. We're talking about different kinds of poetry. But he's trying to be well-rounded, I guess. 100%. Yeah. Any holes in your game, any fake shit will expose itself in one-on-one combat. I wonder if John Jones would be the modern-day version of the elite samurai. Well, I mean—

Are we looking at these guys, these UFC dudes, are we like, oh, this is the modern day version of it. We just have a structure for them to operate in. It's sort of like that, but it's actually probably more satisfying to the fighter because you're a modern day version in a thing where you're not going to get killed. Right. But you could get killed, right? There is that reality. Most likely you won't. They have very good medical staff.

But there's also that you are competing with your willpower, your technique, your knowledge, your fucking physical gifts, and you're doing it in front of the world. Yeah. And the rewards, like if you want to be John Jonesones like good luck it's a lot of work but if you get to be john jones like wow imagine that feeling imagine that feeling of strangling cyril gone like a minute into the fight and everybody being like wow he's the goat that's the baddest man on the planet he's the goat yeah there's the GOAT. Yeah, no one thinks Tyson Fury could beat Jon Jones in a fight. Isn't that fucking interesting?

No one thinks that. Tyson doesn't think that. You want to talk about who's the baddest man on the planet? If Jon Jones and Tyson Fury are locked into a room, I'm pushing all my chips on black. I'm just fucking. Literally. I'm just fucking... Literally? I'm going to tell you something. Tyson Fury is an amazing boxer.

He doesn't have a fucking chance in hell of making it out of that room. He has no chance of making it out of that room. Isn't that crazy? Zero chance. He would have to catch John... He would have to catch him immediately. Immediately with one punch.

And I just don't see that happening, man. The threat of the takedown looms so large that shot will come so unexpectedly. When he gets his hands around you, you'll be so stunned. So what is that like being John? Like what is that like thinking there isn't another man on the planet that could do anything to you in hand-to-hand combat pretty awesome fuck yeah i'm sure he feels great fuck yeah pretty nice it's uh it's also a fleeting thing right because when you get to be 40 and 42 and 43 it goes away yeah and that's

the beauty of it all yeah what about his brothers did you think he thinks he could fuck up his brothers dude what great sperm good question yeah i mean just talent just unbelievable talent and then will too like it's not only Like, it's not only the genetics, it's, like, all of them have committed themselves to something and raised to the top of it. I think it's also them competing against each other. I think that's a factor that makes them so good because there's three elite alpha males in the house together.

But don't you think it's, like, they had to be raised in a culture where competition was valued? 100%, yeah. But also just having three elite athletes grow up together like they're competing with each other every day in the fucking house so you're like you're always on edge there was that story about uh oh god who was that there was a baseball player where like his cousin was an elite pitcher and i forget this baseball player's name and like and like fuck I'm forgetting

he played for the A's we played a bunch of teams was like his cousin who they kind of grew up with was like an elite pitcher and it's like of course he has the fastest wrists in the business because since he's been fucking nine years old he's had an elite pitcher pitching at him in their backyard whoa and he's been turning that fucking bat over non-stop trying to figure it out that's what you need right That's what you need. Right. That's what you need.

That's what you need. Yeah, there's no substitute for uncomfortable things. And sucking at something is uncomfortable. And the only way you get better at something is, like, realize that as good as you think you are at it, there's other levels. And that, like, if you think you could fucking hit that fastball because like you just know you're just different like no you don't you don't know shit until you actually do it then you strike out you feel like a loser right yeah that's the point yeah like the point like of all these things it's like you're chasing some sort of adulation

excitement of excellence but also you're killing your ego because your ego is the only thing that's going to fuck you up. Your ego is going to lie to you, lie to you about how good you are about something. Think about you instead of think about the task. You're going to allocate resources to deal with this childish bullshit while you really should have been thinking about the thing you're doing like in the zone.

Like what keeps you from doing that? Fear. Fear of people ridiculing you. Fear of failure. Fear of – it's all ego. All of it. Yeah, it's almost like you need enough ego to try. Yeah, that's it.

And then not too much. And then you just need strength after that. Yeah. You need to substitute the ego for willpower. Just resilience. Sheer resilience. But then again, ego sometimes like

causes people to do amazing shit. You need some people with some fucking ego. How's Kanye West get where he is without ego? Facts.

Steve Jobs. How does he get there? How does any of them? How does he get there? Show me a person that has changed the world without ego. What's that dude

from Microsoft, Steve Ballmer? Is that what his name is? Oh, yeah. The dude who bounces around? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who owns the Clippers? I love this company!

Like, dancing and swinging. Low-key, I kind of want him, because he was the guy who was, like, making the sales. I believe that he was really pushing it. Yeah. I want him to sell me on something. Bro, play that video. Let's end with this, because I've got to pee and I'm hungry. Play this.

What the fuck is this fucking dude? Bro! Come on! Get up! He's yelling at everybody to get up. this is a software company they sell a fucking computer operating system okay like look at this guy bro look at that bro think about all the nerds out there in the world that needed this goddamn maniac at the helm of the company for it to achieve the height. In America, bro, he'd be a mentally retarded farmer in China. Love this company. He loves this company. I love this company.

Love it. That's too much. He's so out of breath. His cardio is straight dog shit. Let's go. Love you, brother. I love you, too. You're the man. Thank you very much for coming down here.

Always. I was so happy when you're coming. It means a lot to me for you to come here. I'll be back again and again and again. We're trying to do something cool here. This is a special place. Have cool people come down. I think everybody should come down and be here for this club. I'll be back again and again and again. Because it's, we're trying to do something cool here. This is a special place. Have cool people come down. I think everybody

should come down and check it out. I mean that, not only say that to comedians, but like the people. It's a very special place. And check out both rooms.

Like if you're coming for the weekends, I would really say like, definitely catch a little show. Catch a little show and a big show and just feel, even if you're watching

the same comic in the different rooms, like feel that difference. Like what are they doing? How does the material change? Indeed. Yeah, yeah. Check that out.

All right. Bye, everybody.