The Joe Rogan Experience - #1978 - Ms. Pat

Episode Date: April 28, 2023

Ms. Pat is a stand-up comic, host of “The Patdown” podcast, and star of the BET+ series “The Ms. Pat Show.” Her most recent special, “Y’all Wanna Hear Something Crazy?”, is streaming on Netflix.  www.mspatcomedy.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Hello Joe Rogan. It's good to see you. It's good to see you too. What's happening? Life, life is good. I moved back to Atlanta, my husband retired. I'm having fun. I'm getting ready to move into my first theater tour, Call Your Girl Done Made It.

That's beautiful. Life is beautiful. That's exciting. How's your show doing? My show is doing great. We just wrapped it. Well, the third season just came out in February. Got some big news coming.

You know, see what the fourth season got to give. You know, it's going great. It's a funny fucking show. Thank you. it's going great. It's a funny fucking show. Thank you. People are loving it. It's a real sitcom. You know, and there's not a lot of those anymore. It's not.

It's not. And that's, you know, we was nominated for an Emmy. Nice. First time for BET or BET+. Really? Yes, yes, yes. The director got nominated for such a great episode. And so we see what we can repeat this year.

Who's that gentleman that you brought with me last time, your executive producer? Yeah, he created the show with me, Jordan Cooper. Jordan Cooper is a genius. That young man, how old is he? I think he's 27 now. That's insane. Yeah. I've never met anybody who knows more about TV When he was telling us about the history Of like how Lucy and Desi Arnaz

Controlled that show And how they took it and took it on tour And then made it into a television show Like I didn't know all that shit He loves TV We just, we did a whole Lucy and Ethel, me and Tammy Roman Because people love us together

He brought her into, you know He casted her before he dang near casted me. And he put us together and he said, I'm telling you, y'all are going to be like Lucy and Elton. And that's what the world thinks we are now. And they love us together. Shout out to Tammy Roman. Shout out to Tammy Roman. I'm so glad your show has caught steam because that genre for comedians is kind of a dying genre you don't really see

sitcoms much anymore not with comedians uh thank god i had a million and one stories and you know thank god that you know we on BET plus because they let us push the envelope they don't you know they don't want to wrap it up in a bowl they let us wrap it up the miss pat way so we talked about everything the last three seasons from you know know, from me having a gay daughter, the gay to let people know that you can't change the past. All you can do is look for what's in front of you. So don't whine about it. Find a way to laugh about it. And it was a very serious episode that hit home for a lot of the people who watched the Miss Pat show,

but they was able to laugh at it. That's a complicated subject to try to make funny. I try to make everything funny. No, I tell people it's my story. So I got the right to react to it the way I want to. I could be somewhere crying. For what? I found the funny and we wrote it into an episode and people was like, thank you, Miss Pat. You make me realize that i don't have to cry about what happened to me 10 years ago or 20 years ago forgive them and move the hell on my mom and boyfriend is dead other people molest me is dead but hey look at me now even my kid's father i

talked about him many times to you i mean he's working at jiffy lubes and he done had like four heart attacks i wish him well i'm okay And that's what it's all about. It's about me. That's a great attitude to have to go through life, because you really can't change the past. No, you cannot. But I can control what's happening to me now. What I love about your show is your show is doing things

that some of the great old sitcoms did like it's it's you know people thought that that multi-camera shoot we're doing in front of a live audience people thought you weren't doing that anymore which is kind of crazy because that used to be the thing that everybody wanted to do you know all the way back to you know before sein, Sanford and Son. I mean, all in the family. They did all those shows with an audience. Well, they went to canned laughter, you know, which was much easier. You know, if you ain't wrote nothing that's not funny and you ain't got nobody sitting there, you can just drop in the laughter. What shows used only canned?

I think, you know, I saw a clip of the Big Bang Theory. And it was a Big Bang Theory, but without the laughs. Like they removed the laughs so you could see like what the show actually is. I'm like, why are people laughing at this? This is strange. I don't know if that was a retake. Because you know how it is. Sometimes you have to do retakes and sometimes you do them when the crowd's not there.

Well, last time I talked about Big Bang Theory, I got in trouble from little white girls. So they was down my throat. They was sending me death threats like they were all going to clone themselves together and whoop my ass because I didn't recognize the star of the Big Bang Theory. But I mean, I've never watched the Big Bang

Theory, but I'm quite sure a lot of sitcom taped that way sure a lot of sitcoms taped that way without a lot of studio audience. And you can even look at sitcoms now who do use canned laughter, and the laughter's when they're going up the steps or when they're combing their hair. You'd be like, who the fuck edited this shit? This ain't right.

This ain't funny. They're just trying to make it too funny. With us, he wanted that loosey feel. He wanted the old school feel. And we taped in front of a live studio audience in Atlanta, Joe, had never been done, for a sitcom, a multi-cam. So when we got there, the camera people had never did it before in Atlanta. So it was a teaching moment for first season.

Oh, wow. So now they got the hook up. That means everybody know what they're doing. So now they got the hook up. That means, you know, everybody know what they doing. Now we turning away audience member. The third season, we was turning people away. That's great. So they loving it.

And it's like a party. It's like a family reunion. People come from everywhere to come see Miss Pat Shaw on the mountain. Well, what he did, what everyone did, is capture the essence of your stand-up and of you on podcasts.

Yes. Why people love you. And to put that into a sitcom and not make it corny, like I told you last time I saw it, before I saw it, I was like, I was skeptical. I love you. I think you're hilarious. The last thing I want to see is you in some mediocre version of the Miss Pat life. But they nailed it.

Yeah, we nailed it. That's hard to do. It's very complicated because you're telling a story. You have all these characters interacting with each other, and you've got to wrap it up within a certain time frame. Because of streaming, do you have a specific number of minutes that you have to do, or do you have more flexibility? A little bit.

They might give you 33, but no more than 35. They be screaming, cut it! And Jordan be saying, no, you're going to mess up the whole part of the show. Don't cut it. So we fight a lot about a little longer episodes, and BET is pretty much open-minded with it. I mean, if it if we ask them, if we

beg them not to cut it, because it's going to mess it up. Sometimes they'll let it go, but the good part about it, they'll move it over to linear. And then, you know, they'll cut a lot of stuff out. And I'll be like, hey, y'all, the show is a lot better if you just go back over to BET+. Yeah. That sucks that they have to do it that way because that has to be 22 minutes. Is that what it is?

Yeah. And they take the monologue out. And I hated the monologue. And people loved the monologue. And the monologue is kind of like when Seinfeld did a joke up front. But mine is more where I tell you how I'm feeling and what you're about to get in the show. So every episode. And I hated them because I had to learn them like I had to learn the strip.

And sometime the day before. But you just hate them because they're hard to do. But do you love the final product, like how it looks on the show? I do love the final product. And, you know, I have a lot of control with this show. So I'm thankful for that. That's amazing. Because I've heard horror stories where you don't get a lot of control.

Yeah. You know, and they'll have people writing you the way that you're not. Well, it's so foolish, too, because of the person like you. It's so clear that you know what you're doing. Like, you've been doing it a long time. Just let her do it in the sense of a sitcom. Just get the pieces in play. And that's what I

always tell them. I say, you know, one thing I know, Joe, is I know funny. I know me and I know the type of funny that I'm trying to put out. And that's all I ask them, to move out the way and give me the space. You know, I don't want to explain every joke to you. It might not be for you. Right. So, you know, that's one I don't want to explain every joke to you. It might not be for you.

Right. So, you know, that's one of the reasons why I'm really glad we have BET Plus, too, because we can be black as hell. I'm not in a room with a whole bunch of white execs who's scared to say nappy. Are you allowed to swear? Can you say basically anything you want? We say everything. Bitch, hoe, motherfucker, nigga. We say everything.

We talk like Miss Pat talk for real. Like families talk for real. Now, I will say this. Black folks do come out and say, she don't represent the black family. No, I don't represent you. I represent me. I'm not out here trying to recreate your family. What I did was put my family on TV

and if your family can relate or if you can relate, then come on and get on this train, baby. Who couldn't relate? You guys do an amazing job of setting it up. Well, you know. It's a great show. Thank you. It really is.

You know, and it's not a black show. It's a show about, that relates to everybody. You know, I have people from all walks of life walk up to me, tell me I download BET Plus just for you. I believe that. It's a very unique show. And it is. I mean, it's about you. It's about the experience that I went through in life that relates to everybody. And it's the coolest thing when I see an old white dude and a young, hip black dude. They ain't got shit in common, but they both like Miss Pat. And when I go to the club and i perform

they'll both come up and say i love your show and that's what i know i said oh this shit ain't black this shit for everybody yeah that's beautiful i love when old ladies come up to me like an airport told me they love the podcast like old ladies i had these old. They were like in their 80s, man. You'd be surprised. Young white guys have a thing for me. I don't know if they want a nanny or some old black pussy. I don't know what they want, y'all. Maybe both. Maybe both at the same time.

They don't want mines. I don't shave on a regular boy. Oh, Jesus. I can't get into this new bald head vagina shit, Joe. No, I ain't got time for that shit. I got a garage on top of my vagina. I ain't got time to be putting that shit back once a week to catch no hell. It's crazy how the pubic hair thing just vanished.

Like, everybody's had pubic hair. You watch the old porns. For all of history, people had pubic hair. But back in the day, it made you look like you had a fat cat. A fat pussy. You put your underwear on, you're thick down there. Then you put your underwear on, it's sticking to the vagina. I'm like, where'd me get into bald head pussy?

It is weird because I experienced it through high school. When I was in high school, that's when porn first came out. When I was in high school was the first time VHS tapes came out. So people could rent porn. And that's when the pubic hair thing changed. It changed first in porn and it changed in everybody else. Well, I think what the problem was is black women, we have such beautiful black afros down there. So you couldn't get the whole vision.

So some white man went down there and got a vagina stuck in his throat, which I call nappy gripping. He thought the pussy was going to kill him. So it was a new rule. All pussy must be shaved. That's just my thought, y'all. I don't know how true that is. I dated this girl in high school, and she was kind of wild.

And she was dating this guy, and she broke up with the guy, and her and I hooked up. And she goes, I'm embarrassed. I can't let you see me. I go, why? She goes, he made me shave my pussy. And I just started laughing. It was the funniest thing to me.

When I was like 16 years old, it was hilarious that someone was ashamed that they had a shaved pussy. I only do it when they get caught in the side of my underwear. I've been with the same man 31 years. He didn't give a fuck if mine fall off and be on my kneecap. Baby, did you cook today? Or have you ordered Uber Eats? Or what show you want to watch?

That's why I don't cheat. I keep the same one I got, so I ain't got to get no new rules. No new problems. No new problems. Some people love problems. Some people do love problems. I don't like problems. I'm not a fan. I just ask people to leave me the fuck alone, Joe.

Let me be me. People always say, well, what do you think about the council culture? I say, shit, American Express been counseling me. The rest of you motherfuckers don't matter. They don't lower my limit. So, hey, it is what it is. Do you think that a show like yours, could it, it's like in this day and age,

it seems so hard to put one of those things together. Like I don't know, it used to be every night on all the major networks. It was mostly sitcoms. It was Friends and Seinfeld and I was on one news radio. There was all these shows, Wings. There was all these shows and there's fucking none of them now. There's fucking none of them now. There's so few. So when I see a show like yours come around and do it in a new way successfully and really get you, I'm like, this can be done. This can be done.

And no comics are like trying to get sitcoms anymore. It's not like it used to be when I was in the 90s when I was out here. There was pilot season and everybody was just scrambling to get a sitcom. It was like the Holy Grails. We were all out here for the lottery. Everybody was ready. We'd come out here for pilot season. Everybody would go to Hollywood.

Yes. Now, no one knows. It's fucking gone. Well, you don't need it anymore. You have stuff like podcasts. You can create your own stuff with no rules that will blow you the fuck up. own stuff, you know, with no rules that will blow you the fuck up. But when I see someone doing something like you're doing, I go, there's still room for that funny sitcom.

It can still be done. It's still a great thing to watch. One of the things that I tell you that I ran into with building a sitcom is like writers. So you deal with the writers that been in Hollywood so long and they stuck in this box. Like we, I literally had writers say, they're never going to let you do that. And I'm like, they're going to let me do me. They hired me. You knew what the fuck you was getting when you gave me that first deposit.

And I told you, I ain't get hit with no pie and I ain't chasing no dick like they say fat girls do. I've been having sex since sixth grade. Two things I told Hollywood. You can never give me as much money as I can steal from you. Now, let's make this show. So a lot of... I think a lot of writers are just stuck inside

the box and they just recycle the same fucking joke. If I heard it, I don't want it. If it's close to what I've heard before in the barbershop on another show, I'd be like, get that shit out of here. Let's go back to the drawing board. And that's one of the things we write on the floor. A joke, I'd be like, get that shit out of here. Let's go back to the drawing board. And that's one of the things. We write on the floor. A joke? I'd be like, I heard

that shit. I'm a comedian. You can't give me nothing I ain't heard. I done heard it from the white side to the black side to any other side. Because I play both sides of the ring. So you can't pull that shit off on me. And a lot of times I'm like, no, I'm not doing that wacky shit. Wacky ass shit. We ain't doing that. I think a lot of them lose their

passion. You know, I think they do it so long and it becomes a job like they're a plumber now. You know, hanging wallboard. They're just doing a job. And Hollywood would drain you too. All those no's and you have people up there that are making decisions that don't know shit about

don't know, really don't know shit about TV some of them. What is that movie that came out? A crazy ass movie with the, he was like a superhero. And that movie, it was on the shelf for a couple years. Was Ben Affleck in it?

What movie was that? Was it, he had on a mask. It's a crazy ass movie. It was a hit. And I think they're making a third one. Not Deadpool. Deadpool.

Deadpool. Hell. Well, you know, that... I didn't run that through the mist that filter. Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds, because I got my white guys mixed up. I'm sorry. I get him mixed up with the other Ryan. What's the other one?

Gosling. Yeah. I never know who the fuck's who. That guy who wrote that, I heard he said no many times. And when somebody finally said yeah, it was a fucking hit. It was a fucking hit. So just think about had that guy, had the writer heard that first no, and he threw his shit in the trash can.

Look what he would have thrown away. So that tells you somebody didn't know what the fuck they was doing. Well, a lot of these executives, they don't create. So they're not really artists. But yet they're in control of what gets created. And the problem with that is they start to think of themselves like artists. They start to think that they're smart and they know the system. They buy what they like, not what the people like.

Well, they just think they know what they're doing. But I feel like it's like, and certain writers are feeling this way too, especially comedy writers. I feel like if you're not doing stand-up your sense of what is actually funny and not actually funny is just not that good sometimes they're hilarious sometimes they're perfect and sometimes it just misses and i think where a comic would go like that one that you can't do that one that one's not gonna fly and but a writer would be like i think this will work yeah and you're like no no this is definitely not gonna work shit ain't funny this is not funny to me it's not funny this is like it doesn't work it doesn't work in my head i can't imagine this is funny well it's a lot of that and it's a lot of not like force it on you you can't

be honest like you know i went in i told i think i told you this last time the first time i had a right where i was like that shit whack that's just horrible they was like you can't say that i'm like i can't tell a motherfucker when they ain't funny so when it's coming you'll be like that motherfucker suck right joe but no i had to go to counselor and say can we try again is there a better way they counseled you yes they got me a whole uh person to say i had to say a corporate i couldn't say you know that that that shit booty it's garbage you know kill yourself that's what we say it's coming yeah you have to be able to say that that shit sucks yeah you can't you can't say't say that when you're in the writer room. Especially, and I had to tell one writer, I said, stop fucking laughing at yourself.

Only you think this shit is funny. Nobody else think this shit is funny but you. And he used to be cracking up. And then the person he brought with him be cracking up. And I'm like, y'all literally sucking each other's dicks. Stop laughing. That's that fake producer laugh. When you do a run through and they know the jokes, they're like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

They have a fake laugh. It's so distracting. I tell you. So when I was shooting my sitcom, somebody else was shooting the sitcom. So we would go watch. And this is when I learned that they hire laughers. So all of these people sitting over in the bench, me and Jordan over there, we looking around. And so at a certain point,

they all start laughing. I said, this shit don't sound right. Why they in sync? Why they laughing like a group? And so somebody on the set said, oh, those are hired laughers. I was like, what?

Those are hired laughers? Then the producer was laughing. I said, one thing we're not going to do, Jordan, we're going to hire motherfucking hired laughers. We're not going to do that., we're going to hire no motherfucking hard lafters. We're not going to do that. If they don't laugh, then we're going to go back and rewrite.

So shooting the pilot in L.A. taught me a lot. I was so glad we could move that show to Atlanta because Atlanta is going to let you know. Yeah. Black folk ain't going to fucking spend their money on no chicken and wing and not fucking get no good laugh. They'll throw that shit at you. Black folk are going to let you know.

That shit ain't funny, Pat. White people are nice. At least you tried. Paid laughter. That's crazy. Yeah, they have paid laughter. That's so confusing. Very.

I guess that makes sense, though, with a lot of sitcoms. Because some of them, it just doesn't make sense. I'm like, I don't understand what everyone's laughing at. It's like they just keep you just slack-jawed, just paying attention. Just enough. Just enough to get you through the commercial. Just to keep you on. That's all they have to do.

I mean, it's all they're doing is just trying to keep you there. Sell advertisement. That's what they're trying to do. If you can get you through to the Tide commercial, you might like the Tide commercial better. We'll sell you some Prozac. Yeah. I mean, that's what it is. It's just, they're just biding time.

I don't watch a lot of TV. I'm busy these days, but I do watch The Blacklist. That's about it. Which one's The Blacklist? NBC. What is it? Jane Spader? Oh. That's about it. Which one's The Blacklist? NBC. What is it? Jane Spader? Oh, that's that one.

Yeah. That shit's been on forever. Nine seasons. That's crazy. I like Handmaid's Tale, too. That's a good show? The Blacklist is a good show? Yeah, very.

Really? It's a very good show. I love that. I like Handmaid's Tale, too, on Hulu. Oh, yeah. I couldn't watch that. That bothered me. Why? I don't know. It reminds me of the Republican Party trying to lock the pussy down.

I say, this is what we're heading to, ladies. They're trying to control our cliques. What do you think that's about? These little political moves. I think there's about? These little political moves. I think when, I think there's always more to it. When people do things like try to ban abortion or try to do something to incite people

in one way or another. I feel like more of it is just to keep us out of each other's throats than it is anything. I think if you let America vote, way more people are going to vote that women should have the right to choose. This is my pussy. Way more. This is my pussy. And I say this all the time. I think you'd let America vote, way more people are going to vote that women should have the right to choose. This is my pussy.

Way more. This is my pussy. And I say this all the time. I think you'd probably be like, what's like the national, do they have a polling, like an estimation of how people feel about a woman's right to choose? Women feel like you can't tell us what to do, Joe. I mean, if I want to stick firecrackers in it and blow it up, it ain't your business. I'm not telling you not to smoke your joint, so why are you going to tell me what to do joe yeah i mean if i want to stick firecrackers in it and blow it up you ain't got it ain't your business i'm not telling you not smoke your joint so why are you gonna tell me what to do and i know that your your viewers gonna say oh it's not the fucking same it's my body i've had an abortion i've had a few it's my choice you you can't tell people what they can and

can't do you can't they don't ever do anything to control y'all dicks joe they don't tell y'all y'all can't get circumcised. They don't do none of that good stuff. 61% of Americans say abortion should be legal. That's kind of interesting because I thought it would be higher. I thought it would be like 70%. And if you don't have a womb, you shouldn't be voting. Yeah.

It gets to be a religious thing. It's a very religious thing. This guy that I had on was telling me that he believes that that the it's at the moment of conception so i'm saying so you're saying that if someone gets raped and they get pregnant and they in the the it's conception the moment of conception has arrived and you give them a morning after pill you think that's wrong you think like that child should carry this rapist baby if they stop it right after right after conception you don't ask we're not talking about a nine month old fetus we're talking about like the very moment nope two wrongs don't make a right like this is crazy talk you're gonna ruin a child's life because they've been, I mean, the whole thing is just, it's maddening.

But it's one of those things where it gets to be like late-term abortions. You're like, Jesus Christ, what is that? Yeah. That freaks me out. Now, I can't see nobody killing a baby six, seven, eight months. That's a damn baby. Yeah, I knew a dude in New York and his girlfriend had a late-term abortion. They were fighting over it.

She wanted to have the baby and he didn't. And it was pretty late. She was showing. And I don't know how they did it. I don't know what the story was, but it was weird. It was like, that's kind of killing a baby. It is. It is.

I mean, but so is you shooting off in a sock. No, it's not. No, shooting off in a sock is just getting rid of loads. If you heated it up, it would grow into something. If it had an egg to connect. Yeah, but it doesn't. How many of those babies shout out your balls trying to make it and then you put

in a fucking sock instead of a wound? Well, I'm not really a sock guy. Well, let me guess. You put it in your weed, you roll it in a glove. Who the fuck can put your sperm in, Joe? I hope at this age you ain't shooting no you got a wife but hey some days you don't want to do the hard work i know what my husband smile i say did you have fun by yourself he's like i didn't have to hold up your big ass legs today oh jesus christ that's hilarious yeah it's i mean it's not it's not a thing that you

if you make it like a national mandate like that you can't do or a national law that you can't do it people are just going to find other ways to get abortions they're going to do it illegally you're going to create you're going to create criminals out of people that just want control of their body and it's you're also but the thing that drives me crazy about these issues is it seems like there's certain things like gay marriage is one of them. That's another one. It's like, almost like people want people to fight over these things because they're so, people are so opposed to it one way or another and they never get resolved. Gay marriage has been bouncing around since I was a kid.

I remember when I lived in San Francisco, we lived in a gay neighborhood. Who cares? Back then, it was like, and I was like, well, hopefully they'll sort this out. They're never going to sort it out. It's 2023. Not with these Jesus freaks. There's still people that say that they should stop gay marriage.

I think people should mind their fucking business. If you mind your fucking business and worry about your own relationship, this will be a better country. If you start worrying about gay people doing anything, I guarantee you gay people is having way more fun than straight people. So you stop being jealous because you're miserable. Your husband's dick don't work or your dick don't work or you got to go to church every day and you got to continue to bake pies that you don't want to bake. Mind your fucking business and we will be happy. My daughter is gay.

I don't give a fuck about these hoes. She be fucking Joe. Isn't it always men that worry about gay men too? Yeah, because they ended up being gay. They ended up being gay. You catch them somewhere at a fucking house picking up little boys and shit. But wait a minute, Congressman, wasn't you just fighting to say you can't be doing this shit? But you're in the bathroom tapping your feet in Atlanta, huh?

Yeah, how many women are out there trying to stop gay marriage? They don't give a fuck. Because you know why? Who can please us better? Women know what women want. Men know what men want. That's why they get with each other. So leave people the fuck alone.

Leave people the fuck alone. I guarantee you my daughter keep eat pussy better than you Joe Rogan Wow I have to take you on your word probably know some things I don't know I guarantee you she do she keeps her dick in her purse and she do what she do I believe it yeah so you know just what infuriates me is this idea that people are not supposed to be gay. Like, clearly they're just gay. No. Nature, they're born that way. I have a gay daughter.

And I knew when my daughter was real young that she had some gay tendency. I told you this story before. My mother-in-law said, this girl, you need to pray over her She got some She gay And I was like

Mind your fucking business Whole hole My daughter My daughter was like five You gonna put that spirit on But she told me My daughter had She said she had a

Click licking spirit At five A click licking spirit I told you this before But I'm And the kid is gone Yeah it was a spirit And she still have it

To this day And my mother-in-law was right And I truly do believe That people are born gay And I truly 100% And people should leave Mind your fucking business

They should embrace those people Let them be free I let my daughter be free It doesn't make any sense to me I just don't understand it And it infuriates me because it's just, it's one of the stupidest things

to care about someone's sexual orientation or any other aspect of them that they can't control. Like, leave them the fuck alone. It's usually people who dicks don't work anymore or who are miserable

in a relationship whose shit ain't going right in their lives. And it's a lot of people that want people to follow rules. They want people to follow rules. They want people to follow very certain rules. And if they can attach those rules to God,

then it makes them very righteous in their enforcement of those rules. And them the same people you see in hell while you're on your way to heaven. Go to hell. That's what I say. Get the fuck out of my face with that. People be like, oh, my God, you curse too much. I say, well, turn the channel, bitch. Turn the channel, because I'm going

to curse. I hear you. I saw a lady today say, this is a good show, but you use inwards too much. I said, well, turn the fucking channel. You know there's other shit out there you can watch. Don't come to my page. When you come to my page talking to me, I tell them, bitch, I'm not Beyonce. She don't got time for you, but I do.

I'm going to spell everything wrong, give the phone to my assistant so she can correct it and put the peers and the question marks in the right place, and then I'm going to tear your ass up. No, don't come fucking with me. I'm 50 when you're... You get after it with people in the comments? What?

What, Joe? Don't fuck with me. That was how you fat. I said, I can lose this weight, but can you lose your fucking ugly face? Kiss my ass from the back. Wow. That's what I tell them. That's not wasted energy?

Some days. If I'm laying in bed doing nothing and my titties just resting, I'll cuss your ass out. If I'm busy. Some people get really locked into those social media comments. You know, I used to because, you know, when I first started, you want people to like what you do. Then I just took on my street man. Fuck you. Fuck you.

You're talking, you know, are you obesity? Because I got money and I can eat, bitch. You eat lettuce because that's all you can afford to do. Your motherfucking apricot whatever the fuck apricot eating motherfucker i can cuss good joe and i tell them all the time leave me the fuck alone and they don't come at me you know what i i have such a great fan base they're called the miss pat crack babies and we have a Facebook page on Facebook. And when I tell you they ride or die, Joe,

there's a bunch of white women that are ready to write a letter to the Congress for Miss Pat. You come fucking with me, them soccer moms put down them pies and they'll tear your ass hole up. Shout out to the Crack Babies. You were telling me that somebody used that Crack Baby form

as like a scam. Oh, yeah, Joe. So I don't go in it a lot because I've been busy. So my beautician, the girl who does my hair, she was like, I think you need to take a look at this. So I kind of found out one of the fans was telling the other fans, let's do something nice for Miss Pat. So I started this party in Atlanta called the Miss Pat Crack Baby or the Miss Pat Fan Celebration just to give back because I love my fans because there's some ride or die ones out there. And right now I can do it. I know you can't do it, but I can do it.

So I threw a party for them in Atlanta, invited 600 people down VIP. All you had to do was get there, and I took care of you. And it was a great celebration. So I invited the wrong person, and they decided to say, let's do something good for Miss Pat. Let's buy a Gucci purse. Let's do this. And just was taking all the fans' money.

I didn't even notice. When I finally noticed, she was a couple thousand dollars in. And I was like, you bitch. One lady sent me some lotion. The bitch kept the lotion, Joe. She didn't even send me the lotion. So we kicked out the group. And I asked her what she did with the money.

I used it for myself. Get your silly ass out my group. So I did with the money i used it for myself get your silly ass out my group so i threw her out i use it for myself yes i told you the truth at least yeah she told me the truth and then this lady this same fan was coming to three and four shows following me all around calling me mama you know i'm like bitch i'm not your mama your dog Your dog skinned it. Hold on. They're going to tell my dad about that. Oh, my God. You got a stalker. Oh, I did. I did have a stalker.

That lady sounds like a stalker. She was. But I also had another one that was a gay man that I had to tell. I'm going to call the fucking police on you. First of all, you're a gay man. So what the fuck are we going to do? Play Uno? You ain't even trying

to clam through my one and get none. You just, I love you, Miss Pat. I say, I'm telling you now, call my fucking phone again

and I'm calling the police. Yeah, you don't even know how you got your number, right? I don't know how you got my number. People can,

they can get your number. But I used to wonder why everybody keep changing their phone numbers, but I'm joining that bandwagon. Yeah. And I changed my fucking number.

I got five phone numbers. You do? Mm-hmm. I know, Joe, because I be texting sometimes. It takes you six months to text back. I'm like, God damn. Some phones I don't check. You should have my real phone.

I do have your real phone. When I'm calling Bert Kreisch, I don't even call him. I just call his wife. Can you tell Bert I said this? Yeah. Bert's another one one he's got to change his phone too yeah it's just after a while it's like i'll do a podcast and i'll pick up my phone afterwards 148 text messages like what am i going to do with these where the fuck they come from everybody so just so many people so I just know so many people.

It's like you know so many people and it's just like you get overwhelmed and unfortunately a bunch of them are, hey, I got this guy, I'd like you to do something with him or hey, this guy wants to do business with you or hey, this... You see, Joe, you're bigger than me so I don't

have no problem. I just say, hey, I saw you on Rogan. Can you borrow $50? Well, those are bad, too. Well, they don't go above $200. So I just act like, delete, delete, delete. I can't loan money. Yeah. Well, you're not loaning it.

I can't give money. Yeah, you have to give it. I'm not Fannie Mae. Yeah. You know, I can't do it. I tell my family, I don't give money. Yeah, you have to give it. I'm not Fannie Mae. Yeah. You know, I can't do it. I tell my family, I don't have it. The frustrating ones are people want you to invest in their business. They have this long pitch and like, I don't have any time.

You know what I say? Get to the fucking point. Go to the bank, too. Get to the fucking point. Now, what do you want me to do? No, because I'm not going to listen to all this because I'm from the streets. And I already know when you're doing a lot of fucking talking, you're about to steal something. You got to set them up.

First, here's the story. Then you got to make them comfortable. Then you take their money. So I stop them right there before the car. Shut the fuck up and tell me what this about. I ain't interested in that move the fuck on. I'm not investing in your business. I don't give a fuck if you got the first sock that blow up.

I don't give a fuck about your first sock that blow up. You better take your ass to Shark Tank. I don't give a fuck about your new condom that talk. I don't care. Yeah, they want to get into business with Miss Pat. I don't have those problems yet. You're gonna. You're gonna.

I have them on small scales, but I just keep strolling. Yeah, you gotta keep strolling. I get a lot of crazy emails. Oh, we should do this. No, we shouldn't. No, we shouldn't. I tell too many jokes for this money. And see, I'm the type of person, Joe, I'm gonna whoop your ass if you take my money.

You gonna see me on TMZ with my wig on the ground, one titty hanging out, hitting the motherfucker. I can't lose no money in that place. It's all right. I'm going to feel whatever I lose. Yeah, when I see people getting scammed, it's like so many people get scammed. Like so many people you find their business manager stealing from them and their assistants stealing from them. You can't steal from me. I check all my accounts by myself and my checks come to me.

I don't trust nobody. I don't need you to pay me. You work for me. You need me to pay you. If I forget to pay you, forgive me. Remind me and I go back and look. I have somebody, I check behind every motherfucker. I told my husband, my husband went out one day,

he retired. Motherfucker went out and bought three Cane Corso dogs. Three. Them motherfuckers huge. Those are huge dogs. I said, why the fuck? He let this man say him three Cane Corso dogs. I said, why, Gary?

Why? And these motherfuckers, they whine all the time. I think one of them got sleep apnea. He sleep on his bed. The other one got ADHD. How old are these dogs now? They're like seven months, but they like fucking horses. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me tell you something about those dogs. They need to be trained. We got, let me tell you, Joe. We got them in training. Okay. I mean,

they have to be like really trained. Those are like real working dogs. Yeah, my motherfucking nerves. Those motherfuckers are smart. They are? Those are smart dogs. My dumbest fuck. Those are smart dogs

and they like to fuck people up. Those dogs like to fuck people up. I got one that's so motherfucking crazy. They named Sheba, Zeus, and Conright. And everybody, so Sheba's in training right now, because she's the one that leads the pack. That's the one I like, because she ain't that big. The other motherfucker, I'm in the kitchen the other day.

We got him in cages, because I'm building a house. He kicked his motherfucking cage door. I said, oh, no other day we got them in cages because I'm building a house he kick his motherfucking cage I said oh no you about to get in handcuffs motherfucker right in the door those dogs get big oh they too big

for their cage and my house ain't done but that's what I'm saying like you have to have control over those dogs well we got them in training we got one of them in training

the other one getting ready to leave next week the other one bit the other one on the leg so he hopping they so oh my god my friend had to put one of them in training the other one get ready to leave next week the other one bit the other one on Leg so he happened they so oh my god. Yeah, my friend had to put one of his down Cuz it bit him Bit it bit his hand fucked his hand up been growling at his family like they decide they're the boss

It's a it's a different kind of dog because there's a they're big that's mine right there I mean you can get different ones with different temperament, and you certainly can get ones that are calm. That look like my shebo. Wasn't that the dog? Didn't that? There was a. Who was the actor? The dude who was in Pulp Fiction.

Who played Marcellus Wally. What? Ving Rhames. Ving Rhames. Didn't Ving Rhames have. Wasn't it Carney Carstos that killed some dude? Like some dude entered into his yard and yeah i think he was like a delivery guy or something and these connie cursos tore him apart

i think it was connie corsos but they're they're a very effective attack dog no something though something else one says mastiff but i mean it is a massive freight yeah i thought it was One says Mastiff, but I mean, it is a Mastiff, right? Yeah. I thought it was. Does it say that dog? I'm looking for a good description. But look, Pitbull will do it.

A lot of dogs. I mean. Malmoise will do it if you jump the wrong fence. Well, that's why I got him to keep motherfuckers away. We put him. I built a dog house. It'll work for that. But those dogs are, that's like a, you know, that's like a serious dog.

Well, I built a dog house 600 square feet for them. You got a good yard? I bought 10 acres. I mean, I'm sorry, I bought seven acres. Oh, nice. We just moved back to Atlanta. Those dogs need exercise. It's like an athlete.

It's like you have an elite athlete that lives in your house. You got three of them now. I have three of them. So they have to be worked out. If they don't get worked out, their balls are filled with testosterone. They're just like, fucking go! If someone hops that fence, that's a Miss Pat lawsuit waiting to happen.

They ain't my lawsuit. They ain't my motherfucking dog. They're my humming dog. It's going to sue you. It's going to get ugly. The kids love them. Oh, yeah, they're great. They're puppies now, though. No, they big, Joe. I know, but they're puppies now, though. No, they big, Joe. I know, but they're still six months old.

Yeah, they're about six, seven months. When they get to be like two years old, that's a terrifying animal. That's a muscular, just an attack machine. I mean, that's essentially what they're bred for. Yeah, English Bulldog and three Bull Mastiffs. Okay, different Mastiffs. Oh, they were big ones. Two weighing 200 pounds. Yeah, one of mine's weighed 100.

This is the one who killed the delivery driver? It didn't kill him. This says that the coroner said the bites didn't kill him, so he died from a medical emergency of some kind. Probably had a fucking heart attack. You got to blame it on the dogs. He got to sue somebody. Got to take my dog.

Jesus Christ. Well, I tried, you know, my husband said it was for protection, so we're going to see. Well, they're good protection dogs. It's just that, like, it's— They cost a lot, too. They're a responsibility. Like, they got health care. Really?

Yeah. You know, because I do a radio show. I do a morning show with Big Tigger and Atlanta V103. How do you like doing that? I like doing it. You know, I didn't know what to expect. Getting up that early in the morning.

Does that fuck with your stand up? No. It's in the contract. You're not going to fuck with my stand up because that's what I own. What I mean getting up in the morning. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm an early morning person anyway. No matter where I'm at in the world, I will call my husband at four o'clock

when he was working at General Motors and I had to talk to him all the way to work. So now I get on his fucking nerve because he retired, but I still call him at four o'clock in the morning.

He don't want to say fuck off because he retired and I'm out there working. But when I'm home, he be like, don't you want to go to the radio today? So I know he's trying to fucking get rid of me, but I'm home, he be like, don't you want to go to the radio today? So I know he's trying to fucking get rid of me.

But I'm having a blast at V103 in Atlanta. You know, I'm a co-host, so it's different. It's different. I'm just trying shit. So I've been there now almost two years. Is there any problems with language? Yeah, you can't curse, isn't it? Yeah, you can't curse.

Does that fuck with you, though? No. No? I only curse when you can't curse i only fuck with you though no no only only curse when you pay me to i wish you i wish you cursed i just wanted you to be free that's what i worry about you on like a radio show well it's a morning show back i mean you know who knows xm might come knock him you know the thing that i really want to do i am i'm a diy type person so i love diy so that's what i really want to do you want to do DIY type person, so I love DIY. So that's what I really want to do. You want to do like a do-it-yourself show? Yes, I do. I'm like, what kind of things?

Houses. You know, I just- Building houses? I'm building a house now. All by myself. Well, I didn't do it all by myself, but I'm the GC. You're a general contractor? Yes. That's awesome. That's an undertaking.

That's a lot of work, right? It is. A lot of organization. It is. What I did is I bought seven acres, and I wanted a big house, but I didn't want no big mortgage because you don't know when this shit goes. You don't know what's going to happen. You say the wrong thing, and you can't pay your bills in two days.

So I said, well, I've got to keep my mortgage at a certain amount so I can go to Walmart if this shit don't work out. So I bought a house. I tore it down. I hired an architect and it's 17,000 square feet. And I built my own little podcast studio so I can get my podcast right. And I built a 13 bedroom house for me and my family. Look at that. What is this like for your husband who knew you before the success?

Is it wild for him? I think it is. I think it is. Cause you know, my husband was spent 22 years at General Motors. And for me, I was at General Motors too. And for me to quit and say,

Hey, is this something in his comedy? He's like, Oh fuck, Pat, can you just keep a job? And when I tell him, I tell him, I said, you know fuck, Pat, can you just keep a job? And when I tell him all the time,

I say, you know, in the beginning, you didn't believe in me. He said, you telling the damn lie. I said, he said,

nobody's going to listen to the fucking chicken house jokes you got. So, but he's very supportive. He take care of the home and,

you know, he didn't, he don't come see me a lot, but in the beginning, joe it was his credit card and his paycheck that allowed me to go out and make a hundred dollars a night you know so many times i mixed out that man credit card so many times i fucked up his credit but it's my dream he should have been left my ass for you to make that dream while you had a husband and a family and children, it's so difficult to do when you're a 21 year old kid. Just, you know, just going to open mic nights for you to be able to do that and to chase it down and make it successful.

That's a real American success story because it's a hard thing to do while you have a family to just get out to the clubs every night because you've got to start at open mic nights. You got to get that stage time. You know, it's sacrifice. I sacrificed a lot, and so did my family. You know, one thing my daughter, because I have custody of my niece's four kids now. I've had them for 10 years. And my career started to get a little bit of buzz while I was in Indiana, and my daughter was going to go to Howard University, which is a HBCU.

But she instead was like, I'm not going to leave my father here with these four kids that, you know, because my niece left him. She was on drugs. So she chose to go to Indiana State. And so sacrifices like that went all through my family. My son decided to go to college locally because he didn't want to leave my husband there with all the kids. You know, at the time, the baby was 15 months old when the mama left. She's nine now. She's 10 now. So, you know, I just thank my family for even being there and my husband for putting up with bullshit.

He's like, that's all you made was $50, $200, $300. Shit, the plane ticket was $600. Well, I made $400 of our dollars back Pat you're losing I said but there's something here you just gotta be patient wow when did he come around when did he realize

I'll tell you when he realized when Cat Williams the first time Cat Williams called me to go on his tour and he said this bitch might be funny how did Cat Williams see you he was at an agency to go on his tour. And he said, well, this bitch might be funny. How did Cat Williams see you? He was at an agency.

Can't remember the agency, but this guy called and said, I had just signed with that agent, and he was looking for a black woman. And I sent over a little clip, and they picked me. I was blown away. I was like, I'm on tour with Cat Williams. I done made it.

So what year was this? When he did the tape Catapostles. Right after all of that other stuff when he was like at the height. So I did the next DVD called Catapostles. I don't remember what year. Early 2006? Maybe 2007? When he was doing the Pimp Chronicles.

It was at the Pimp Chronicles. That Cat Williams one, he's one of the best comics ever. Yes he is. The nicest. During that time period, especially when he was hot, when he was coming out hot. Yes. That New Year's show that he did with Steve Harvey. Did you ever see that show where he went on after Steve Harvey and shit all over him? He mimics him sliding across the floor and kicking him in the balls.

He goes, I'm a little motherfucker. I fight dirty. Crazy shit. He was funny, man. Oh, my God. He still is. Very funny. But when he came out, he was so unique.

His delivery method is so unique. The way he dresses. Nobody was doing what Kent Williams doing now everybody's trying to do yeah but he's a that's really him that is really him very intelligent so I'm quite sure you've talked to him I was like god damn this man's smart he does a couple things that I took from him uh I saw an interview from him once and one of the things that he said uh he said I never eat before a show he goes you never want to have a show with a full stomach why because you really it it takes away resources because your body's digesting food you have less energy it's just that's real that's like fighters

fighters don't go into the ring with a full stomach no one i'm sleepy at eight o'clock yeah yeah so i was like that's smart because sometimes i'm just hungry and I eat, but now I'm like, no, I need a lot of time to digest food. And then he also said he has a music playlist that he listens to before shows. That it just gets him in the mood. I go, that's smart. Because a lot of times I want to hear music, but I don't. I haven't brought anything with me. And then when I started doing shows with Chappelle, Dave always brings his music.

He always brings like a big Bluetooth. He has these big JBL boom box Bluetooth. These fucking, they look like cannons. He takes those. We had two of them. And he would sync them up and put them on either side of the room. And they sync together. I was like, that's the way to do it.

So I took that from him, too. Because he had an approach to how he'd prepare for a show. He's like, I'll have one drink. I'll get loosened up. I'll have this playlist I listened to. But I thought about it after listening to an interview. I'm like, I don't have like a thought process behind like preparing for a show. And now I do. Now I have a playlist we listened to in the green room before the show. What'd you listen to? Oh, everything. I got a lot of nineties in the green room before the show. What you listen to? Oh, everything. I got a lot of 90s hip-hop in there.

Okay. I like, for some reason, like, angry 90s, like, cool G-rap gets me going before a show. A lot of Wu-Tangs in there. A lot of classic rock. There's, like, Peter Frampton's in there. There's some ACDC in there. Some country music in there. It's all mixed up.

I got Liz Phair in there. Some country music in there. It's all mixed up. I got Liz Phair in there, some Johnny Cash in there. I listen to Lotto, the rapper Lotto. It's Given. That's what I come out to. She really gets me in the mood. And I like Carly B. Carly B always get

me in the mood. So them two is probably who I got in my ear. If I want to be laid back, I put on a little Beyonce, a little Fantasia, but mostly Carly B and Lotto if I'm about to go on stage. Yeah, you want something that gets you going.

Yeah. And they really get you going. Yeah. They get me going, even if I'm on a treadmill. There it is. That's what I don't need. That's a nigga like a brick. That's what I come out to.

I come out to her every fucking night. I can walk by that girl and not know who the fuck she is. That's hilarious. Working at the radio station got me into hip-hop and listening to new artists. And I'm like, oh, I like that shit. Who is this? So I discover her working at V103. And I'm like, OK be like my kids be like mama that's been out I'm like I don't give a fuck I just found her this week I like her I'm way behind the times I have to learn from my kids what's in

like what's famous what's funny what's good I don't think kids know good shit like we used to know good shit it's a different world well one of my kids does one of my kids is into like older music she's in nirvana right now she gets some of these kicks of like older music my daughter garyana is into everything she know everything going on in the world all types of music no matter where it came from how it was made she know every fucking thing if i want to know something i'll be like garyana tell mama this right here see the thing is like most people where are they getting their music from? Are they getting it from, like, Spotify recommends or Apple Music recommends? Because, like, the amount of people that are getting their music from the radio is less than probably ever before.

Probably just hip shit. YouTube, probably just hip shit that comes out all the time. Every time somebody drop an album if one thing about this algorithm shit or whatever you call it once you do one music it's just gonna keep on flooding your thing just today i looked at one motivational speech 12 000 i'm like y'all i'm not fucking depressed can y'all stop sending me this shit your algorithm algorithm yeah that's what i'm trying to say just cheering you up oh don't don't commit suicide i'm like what the fuck is going on iphone stop listening to me i wasn't thinking of suicide i

was just looking at a motivational uh fucking thing and i got like 1200 of them just every time i strode was motivational motivational you can do it i'm like get the i say phone leave me the fuck alone this should be a way that you could talk to the algorithm and go, that's enough. It should be, but. Enough with the motivation. It was just too much today. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to see Joe Rogan.

He about to smoke weed, a good conversation. I don't need this bullshit in my life. The motivational things on YouTube and on Instagram, it's like, it's weird that there's such a market for that. And they all say the same shit. They say the shit your mom and daddy said, but you'd rather go buy it on an album. It's the same shit they say at church.

It's the same shit your school teacher try to tell you. It's just in a different voice, high voice, low voice, screaming at you, shaking at you. It's the same shit. I think what really works is people. I don't think the motivational stuff works as much as people that are like motivational people. I think that's the real, like you can get a little bit out of words. You can get a little bit out of a video or a little bit out of like a little clip or something.

But like David Goggins, like someone like him, like just his, you know who he is? No. He's a Navy SEAL who's run like some insane amount of ultra marathons he's just known for being this like insanely tough endurance athlete like he's got no knees his knees are destroyed the cartilage is all fucked up in his knees and he still runs on him like the doctor looked at his knee and said i don't understand how you can walk on this knee forget about run thousands of miles like his knee was like distorting because the bone was growing because it was bone on bone for so long. My husband was like that.

No cartilage, no meniscus, just pounding bone on bone every day, just dealing with pain. And when that fucking dude talks, you listen. And when people listen to that guy talk and he talks about overcoming you demons, when he talks about like forcing your body to do what your mind wants it to do like that shit works like that kind of motivation like when you see a person like that you want to go out and do something extraordinary you want to go out and and you want to go you got energy they people give you energy but most of those little like motivational clips it's just noise yeah i think I think the things that people do in life, when people feel like you overcame something and they're going through, because I get that all the time.

Oh, you're such an inspiration. I'm like, uh. I used to say how. But you are. I used to say how. How am I an inspiration, y'all? You know, I didn't look at my life at the time the way other people saw me. You know, it was just where I came from.

I mean, it was life. I didn't know the world was different until I got in the comedy game and everybody started saying, what? You overcame that? I'm like, you didn't go through that shit? Then I realized the world. Everybody didn't experience what I experienced. But where I was from, it was the norm. So now when I tell my story,'s like oh my god you're such

an inspiration and at first I was like no I'm just somebody who went through some shit but then I realized there's a lot of people out there that need me to tell my story and it's healing for them to see me win because it let them know that they can win yes and to see you laugh about it yes that you're so resilient that gives people hope so that kind of motivation works like someone can see what you've accomplished with your life and for people who don't know your story your story is fucking crazy i mean it's so crazy from from the time you were young from like like what year were you pregnant? How old were you the first time? I got pregnant at 13. I met at 12.

He was 22. I was 12. He was married. I got pregnant at 13, gave birth at 14, then had another baby at 15. Then I got pregnant again at 16, and a caseworker showed me how to get an abortion.

And think about all that, and then you combine it with selling crack. Yeah. You combine it with being shot. You combine it with all those things. The idea that it would lead you to 2023 with your own sitcom, building a 17,000-square-foot house on a giant plot of land, making your own podcast studio on it.

You're the one who handles all the bills. You take care of everything. Everything has to go through you. You're the boss lady. That's bills you take care of everything everything has to go to you. You're the boss lady That's wild. It's an amazing inspiration story because you were in a terrible place If you think about a child like someone getting pregnant at 13 years old say what chances that child have for a happy Healthy successful life. It's very very very. So for you to get through all that and to maintain your family and to have developed a successful career. This is amazing. It's an amazing inspirational story. That's way better than some bullshit that some fucking con man is just saying on Instagram. Well, I mean, it is amazing.

It's amazing. You know, I also had something to live for. I had two kids by the time I was 15. I didn't want them to go through what I went through. I've said this a million times. And it was the first time I ever felt like I was loved. So to have that love for my daughter, my very first child that I never experienced in a household before, you know, it gave me hope. I didn't know I was going to end up with all of this in the future. All I wanted, all I ever wanted, Joe, was a family.

And fuck everything else. All I wanted was a family. And I got it. Nothing else meant anything to me. The materialistic shit, the fame, all I ever wanted to do was open that door, walk in the house to people that loves me. That's beautiful. And I do go home.

Even with the kids that I'm raising that my niece left, I get home, oh, mommy's home. Get your goddamn hands off me. Mom's like, she's back. But I know they love me. And they love me. It's nothing fake. I can walk into their house, drop my wig on the floor.

I don't have to be Miss Pat. Even my daughter who hardly comes downstairs, Garyana, she'll look over the balcony like, all right, mama, you're back. Love you. Go back in the room. I don't see her for fucking weeks. You know, that's what I tell you. Stay upstairs all the time.

If you don't get no man, I'm going to take her pussy and use it. Because mine be leaking like a 64 Chevy. I'm like, give me your pussy. You're going to keep it upstairs all the time warm. Give it to me so I can use it. The beautiful thing is a family is all you wanted and you have that. But then the other things that you're doing, I know that's for you, like your career and everything, but it's also for everyone else. You're doing this. You provide happiness to so many people. Like that is an extended family in a lot of ways.

It is. My fans is an extended family. And, you know, so many times I look at my inbox and people that I don't even know who genuinely say they're proud of me. Even my kids, you know, like when the show was nominated for an Emmy, and my daughter writes on the show. She writes on the show. And she literally had tears on her eyes because she know I dropped out of school in the eighth grade. She know what I've been through.

And she told me when I was going to the Emmys, she said, I'm so proud of you. And it wasn't even about winning. I didn't win. Ted Lasso won. What such a great show. I told my husband, that's why I couldn't fucking win no Emmy because you always watching Ted Lasso he's like that's a good fucking show but she they were so proud to see you know something they mama had created you know got nominated for an Emmy and and even the fans you know I remember after I didn't win I didn't even

feel no way I didn't go there to win I went went there to say, to just look around and say, oh, this is what this shit is like. Okay. You know, it wasn't even about the win. I had already won. Just by being there. By being alive, I've already won with all the bullshit I've been through in life. Can't no trophy that you stick on no dresser that catch dust ever make me feel the way I feel about just surviving the shit that I've been through in life.

Yeah. I call them dust collectors. Well, I'm glad you got nominated, but those things don't mean anything to me. No. This show is a people channel. Emin doesn't keep this show on BET+. The people keep this show on BET+. And as long as I will make it for them, as long as they'll watch it.

Yeah. Being in the Emmys or even winning an Emmy would get you a little more attention. That's okay. I don't care about no awards. You know how many times

I lost a spell in B in school? How many times? Shit, I can't spell what shit. Every time I went up, I remember being in, back in, I'm 51,

so back in the day, thank God they don't do this shit anymore, but they had an A and B group and a C and D group and an F. So the smart kids and the dumb kids, the classroom was divided like that. They didn't have like special classes for people like us. And I used to see all the people in the A group, Joe, and I wanted to be in that A group so bad. And I'll never forget, the book was Impression and Encore.

Those are the kids that could read and, you know, just, those were the smart kids. I said, I want to the smart kids I said I want to be in this group I want to be in this group because that's how I am I want to be number one and one day I get in the class I get in the teacher I was like please let me just try let me just try now I'm in the cd group dumb as fuck and so and I begged the teacher she finally put me in the group couldn't read what shit I look at everybody staring at me like what the fuck are you doing and I remember the teacher said at least you try and I said if I don't do shit I'm gonna get in this group never got in it because you know back in those days they that's just how they divided you but it was a teacher that came along I've told this story a hundred times it's true who taught me how to read and who believed in me and I'm 51 and she's dead and gone and i thank her each and every day for

instilling things in me that my mother could never instill in me it's great if you can get a good teacher i have a few good teachers that i remember that inspired me and you know what's so crazy with the shit going on in this world with these teachers how just how you let these kids disrespect them and all of this bullshit going on in these schools just a disrespect look at the girl who broke the teacher leg look at the teacher who just got to fight what the fuck yeah they should to me that's your whole parents account because i'm here to tell you if my child ever tried that shit i will beat the black off raymond i will be i'm not gonna side with you up that disrespecting no adult and that's how i used to be when i was coming up everybody whooped your ass in the neighborhood now these kids like oh my god you gotta respect me bitch

you don't even pay no bills what the fuck am i respecting for somebody who don't even know how to pay a bill these kids so dumb they don't even know how to fill out a check joe they don't even have checks no more for you to fill out. I think my husband got the last book of checks in this world. Yeah, they do it all electronically now, right? Yeah. So why am I respecting you when you don't pay for shit? Huh?

There's a different feeling that kids have today. No, it's a different feeling that society gave kids. If you're being abused, what's abuse? I tell you. So here, I got these custody kids and they called me, the teacher called me

and I said, well, I'm going to beat her ass. So the professor said, you got to hear it on them houses. Bitch, you don't tell me

where to hear that. Two hours later, defect was at my house. Really? Went to the school, talked to my kids and the lady showed up and she was like,

the black lady knew who I was. She said, but I got to investigate. I said, no, you ain ain't gotta do a motherfucking thing you couldn't get these motherfucking children that don't nobody give me nothing for i'm gonna whoop these motherfucking ass over here if you don't want their ass whoop get them up out here because i'm gonna tell you right now ain't nobody shooting me ain't nobody whooping my motherfucking ass fuck that put you in the corner we gonna pray about your behavior i'm to knock your goddamn head off. I'm old school and I don't give a fuck what you say. Ain't nobody. I have a, I have a 36 year old daughter. I have a 35 year

old son, a 24 year and a 20. You're not cursing in front of me. You're not disrespecting me. We're not getting high together. I'm not your motherfucking friend because I went to, I went through too much in my life to be letting you motherfuckers talk to me. I was telling my daughter, she said ass. I said, bitch, don't say ass in front of me. Don't say that shit in front of me. Why, mama? Ass is cussing. She can't cuss at all in front of you? No, I don't play that shit. Really?

As much as you cuss? Yeah. They can cuss among themselves. So you can cuss in front of them? Yeah. But they can't cuss in front of you? No, Joe. Hell no. Black kids don't... At a certain age, can they cuss in front of you?

Hell no. Never? Never. Never? No, and when they do... 35 years old. I don't give a fuck if she's 55 and I'm 99. Bitch, I'll bust you in your mouth.

Don't you cuss in front of me, hoe. All my mother's food you done ate. All the diapers I done changed. All the diapers I done chained. All the times I ran out of fucking convenience store with Similac to feed your black ass and you gonna disrespect me? I would have never imagined that you would be so uptight

with your kids cussing. Most, back in the day, black kids didn't cuss in front of their parents. But you cuss so much. I do. I like cursing. But you have a dictatorship much. I do. I like cursing. But you have a dictatorship running in your household. You have a language dictatorship. I sure do.

Don't fucking cuss in front of me. It's so disrespectful. What are you laughing at? It's hilarious. It's just seeing you swearing about them swearing. What? I beat shit out of them kids. That's what I'm saying.

You don't say that in front of them. Don't say shit in front of me. I'll beat the shit out of you. That's what I tell them all the time. Don't you say a motherfucking thing in front of me. Don't you fucking cuss in front of me. I'm your mama.

You respect me. Do your kids cuss in front of you? Yeah. Oh, fuck no. Yeah, they say wild shit. No, no wild shit around me. No. No, I will pop you in your fucking mouth. My son's like, you always trying to fight a nigga.

I sure am. Don't you say that. My son got kids. Wow. And he can't cuss in front of you. No, no, no. We be texting sometimes. They be like, fuck.

I say, erase it, bitch. Erase it. I saw that. Fuck. I said, erase it, bitch. Erase it. I saw that. It's so funny to me that you are so strict about cursing.

No, it's disrespectful to curse in front of your parents. It's just so, you curse constantly. I know, but. You got me laughing at this shit. It's not fucking funny. This is so hilarious. It ain't fucking hilarious. This is so hilarious. It ain't fucking hilarious. It's killing me because I see it happening.

I'm like envisioning it in your house. I'm envisioning you coming home. They don't curse. They don't. I believe you. They be like, I'm grown. I say, well, bitch, get out of my house. Have you done an episode about this on the show? No.

Oh, my God. You have to. You fucking have to. I don't think so. Don't cuss in front of my house. You have to. You have to. Oh. You God, you have to. You fucking have to. I don't think so. Don't cuss in front of my house. You have to. You have to. Oh.

You got to do an episode about this. Okay, Jordan, you got to do an episode about black. Jordan, please. This would be so fucking hilarious. But, you know, black kids didn't do that back in the day. Like, when my son used to hang out in Indiana with his little white friend and they cussed out their parents, you try that shit at my house, I'm going to bust you in your motherfucking throat. I tell my son all the time, I say, you got it twisted. Wrong household, boo-boo.

I fight back. I fight back. I tell him, I say, don't forget you're black. Your mama is hood as fuck. Don't come home, he's like, I'm having a bad fucking day. Fucking? Ain't nobody fucking in here but me. And you can't say the word.

I beat your fucking ass. You got to have an episode about this. Because those are the craziest rules. And they get so mad. We're grown. I don't give a fuck. You can say that to them. I don't give a fuck.

You can say that. I say it all the time. Yeah. So my son smoked weed, right? And it was very hard for me because he's the first child I ever had that did drugs. And so I told you this one time. I said, why the fuck you smoking weed? He said, because since I've been watching Joe Rogan, I smoke weed.

And he lost all his fucking weight. So I couldn't say shit. He went for 400 pounds. So like, I think he like 210. He looks fucking good. But he got on weed. Got to take the good with the bad. Yeah.

I just say, son don't do no pills. Yeah. Well, I don't think weed is bad for you. I just think it's bad for some people. I don't think. He don't get in trouble. He's a good kid. I just don't want him smoking.

I don't want him smoking cigarettes. And I don't want him drinking in front of me. Right. I get it. You know, I don't party with them. And my son smoke weed. He likes to fucking drink. And I'm like, Junebug, your mom and dad ain't here.

He be like, Pop said I could drink a beer with him. I said, don't drink a beer with him. It's so disrespectful. How old is he now? 23. You run the house with an iron fist. I'd be like, take your ass out the door with that shit. He borrow your car, every car he got smell like weed.

So I don't accept it, the weed. But, no, you can't curse in front of me. Look, if he's taking care of his health. He is. And lost all that weight, that's hard to do. Yeah, man. That's very hard to do. I've been fighting cheeseburger like a motherfucking UFC fight.

It's so hard to lose weight. The older you get, it's just like, I'm trying now. I can't put it in my mind that I'm on a diet. I'm just like, no, I don't need that. Why don't you just, you have resources. Why don't you have somebody meal prep for you? They can make you delicious food that only has like

certain calories they might sell my husband a dick you can't let them count the people in your house get a guy we in Atlanta

not that my husband in Atlanta I'm doing some stuff now my husband just lost a lot of weight he went on that Ozepic oh that Ozepic. Oh, yeah.

Ozepic, yeah. Yeah, and this is before everybody found out about it. And they just gave it to him because he has diabetes. And he lost like 60 pounds. I got on the shit and I swole up. Really? It was like I got real puffy from it. So I'm like, I'm just going to go walk.

So I just started walking. I'm like, I can't do this shit. How long did you do it for? I did it for like a month, but I didn't lose any weight i was very disappointed when my husband didn't even know he really paid attention to and they just gave it to him with before the price hike too my husband paying like 70 now his prescription after insurance is like 900 which is fucking ridiculous because everybody's on. Because it got popular. It got very popular. Well, all those Instagram ladies started talking about it. Yeah.

People found out all the celebrities were on it. Yeah, but he was there. He lost like 60 pounds. It makes you like less hungry, right? That's what it does. It does. It does. It didn't.

I think it was me because I thought I took the shot. Oh, I can eat now. It didn't curb your appetite enough. It did, but it didn't get to my brains. I don't think the shot got to my brain. That's the problem with food, right? Part of it is pleasure. It's not just you're hungry.

Yeah, yeah. But I don't know. I'm good. Nothing has happened, so I don't have any medical issues, thank God. But I would like to lose a little bottom stomach. Why don't you just get like a trainer? Get a trainer and a meal prep person. That could be my next birthday gift.

Yeah, do that because it would be easy. Y'all heard that? Joe is going to send a meal prep person and a trainer to my house. Yeah. I'll do it. I will. I'll do it. If that's what you want, I'll find someone for you. Okay. I'll do it. I will. I'll do it. If that's what you want,

I'll find someone for you. Okay. I'm in Atlanta. I'm quite sure there's a bunch of meal preppers down there. Yeah. I just want something

that tastes good, though. Yeah. You want to make, that's the thing. It's like this meal prep they give you like a fucking chicken breast and a piece of broccoli.

I'm not going to last. No. I'm not going to make it. I'll tell you something that I stop, I don't eat to 12, to 12 in the evening. I stop tell you something that I stop. I don't eat until 12, until 12 in the evening. I stop at 6.

And I love the kale salads at Chick-fil-A. I don't know if they're healthy, but they're pretty fucking good. I bet they're, if you want to investigate their dressing, I guarantee you it's filled with seed oils. Half of the time, it's dry as fuck. So a lot of time at my Chick-fil-A, I think they forget to put the dressing on it. And I'm like, what a fucking dressing. I'm just eating kale. Chick-fil-A is a funny place.

It's like the funny thing is they close on Sunday. They Christians. I know. They're missing out on so much money. They don't care. God has blessed them through the week. Have you not seen them lines? They're getting big fucking lines at Chick-fil-A.

It's amazing that nobody figured out that chicken sandwiches were a big deal before Chick-fil-A. I had a friend one time. I knew this guy who would take Chick-fil-A chicken to the store. He would always stop by my house and give me a couple cases. They pre-wrapped in this marinade sauce. Oh, that was the best stolen chicken we ever had. stopped by my house and gave me a couple cases, and they pre-wrapped in this marinade sauce. Oh, that was the best stolen chicken we ever had. He used to give us like four or five boxes because he delivered their chicken.

He ain't give a fuck. Chick-fil-A is weird, too, because they've got some very interesting views on gay people, too. Yeah, but all Christians do. You know, my daddy was very religious. And my daughter, Baris, called one time. And my daddy didn't know she was gay, but she was short with these LeBron James-looking chicks all the time.

And so my daddy called me and loaned my daughter his car one day. This is my favorite story about my daddy called me He had loaned my daughter His car one day This is my favorite story About my daddy Rest in peace He said Pat I said what daddy

He said I don't know If you know this I said what daddy He said but I think Your daughter is a Bull goddamn tiger I hollered I told my daughter

I said, take granted of your comeback. He don't figure you out, bitch. You know what I'm saying? He said, you a bull goddamn tiger. We laughed

for about two hours because the way he said it, nobody says it like that and it's for words you shouldn't even say that according to my daughter. But that was the funniest shit I can remember

about my daughter saying, well, he discovered my daughter was gay. She keep bringing these big bitches around. You don't look like they used to play ball.

Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, that's what he said. He said, we got to pray for her. I said, what are we praying for? We got to pray that shit out of her. Not me. I'm not wasting my time. That spirit is strong and I'm trying to get to heaven.

You can't pray nobody out of eating pussy. I said, Daddy, you did it. She's just doing it with titties. Yeah. Good point. Yeah. So I'm not fucking with her sexuality. Yeah, you can't.

You're just going to make someone hate you. Yeah, so she's happy. But it was interesting seeing my Christian daddy accept my gay daughter. A lot of those people in the old school, they had a hard time with that. They did. Especially religious folks. My mother-in-law was like that. Even the one who told me she was gay. But that's just

life. Who gives a fuck? People are lonely. When you're worried about other people being, like I said earlier, you're just lonely, Joe. I have no time to be worried about what's going on with people. I got my own household. I'm building a house. I'm doing TV.

I got an overall deal with Viacom. I'm trying to create some shit. Beautiful. I'm trying to work. That's a positive attitude. You're right, though, about people that are too concerned about other people. It's wasted energy. You're wasting your life.

You know, the biggest thing that're wasting your life. You know, you know, the biggest thing that I hope that don't happen, and I don't even want to really get into it. DeSanto, please don't fuck up Disney. Oh my God. You ain't gonna fuck up Disney?

I don't know, but they suing each other. I'm like, can you leave Mickey Mouse alone? It'll be fine. I hope so. Yeah. We can't close the happiest place on earth. They're not gonna close that place. They didn't close during the pandemic. They're not gonna fine. I hope so. We can't close the happiest place on earth.

They're not going to close that place. They didn't close during the pandemic. They're not going to close. Did I go during the pandemic? I went right after the pandemic with my family. We went to Universal. We went VIP. I'm quite sure you've been VIP.

That's the best way you can go. Oh, it's amazing. It's so fucking amazing. If y'all go to Disney and don don't go vip you you're missing out you're cutting all the lines you you're going through the back door yeah it ain't cutting the line because they got a pass you can cut the line everybody else had to wait and i remember i heard because all of us big and black and he's like are they athletes and we're like no bitch just a mama comedian it was the best experience um my kids, we really enjoyed it.

Yeah. You know, when my kids were little, Disneyland, we went there constantly. And when it was shut down during the pandemic, I was really worried that it wasn't going to be able to come back. Because when you hear about how much money they were losing, they were losing some insane amount of money every day. And California wouldn't let them open up. It didn't make any sense. I like the one in Florida. I don't care for the one in California.

Really? Yeah. The one in Florida. I don't care for the one in California. Really? Yeah. The one in Florida has the best ride ever. The Jurassic, the, not Jurassic Park, Avatar rides. Flights of Passage. Have you been on that one? I don't get on no fucking roller coaster. Oh, it's not that.

It's virtual reality. You sit on like, what looks like a motorcycle. I know. And you put on virtual reality headsets and you're flying through. But you're not moving. Yeah, but my panty liner can't take that stress. No? No. My kids enjoy it. I done walked out that bitch

pissy. But it doesn't move much. It's mostly in your head. Yeah, but you think you're moving. It make you feel like you're moving. Also with that Harry Potter ride. That fucker. I was like, I can't do that. But I saw my family ride. You got on ride. Oh, yeah. I was like, no, I can't do that. But I saw my family. That's a fun ride.

You got on it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, one of my daughters was very into Harry Potter. She read all the novels, and I had to take her a bunch of times. I've been on that ride multiple times. No, I don't get on any rides. I just like, I print a scooter, an old people scooter, ride through the park. I wonder, like, what it's like at the Harry Potter world now, because everybody hates J.K. Rowling's because of her stance on trans women. Like, there's so many people that hate her. I wonder, like, if they've rebelled against Harry Potter world now because everybody hates J.K. Rowling's because of her stance on trans women.

Like, there's so many people that hate her. I wonder, like, if they've rebelled against Harry Potter world. Probably have. What did she say? I don't think

it was that unreasonable. It was something about biological men never being women. It was something to the total of trying to preserve the idea of being a woman.

What did she say that was so questionable? Was that the whole thing when they want to trans men was my man. They need to get rid of the song Natural Woman by Aretha Franklin. You seen that whole thing. I have seen that stupid shit. Yeah. There's a lot of stupid shit going on with that because what it is is like men, biological men behaving like men in women's spaces. So they want to take over things.

That's what you see. I don't agree with them being in sports. No. No matter what. No fucking way. You're weak, and I support you 100%. So what did she say? Okay, people who menstruate, in quotes,

I'm sure there used to be a word for these people. Someone help me out. Wombin, wombin, womind opinion, creating a more equal post COVID-19 world for people who menstruate. So what she's trying to say is that saying things like people who menstruate, like you are eliminating the idea of being a woman, because now you're saying that anybody could be a woman. And so she says here, if sex isn't real, there's no same sex attraction. If sex isn't real, the lived reality of women globally is erased.

I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives. It isn't hate to speak the truth. See, what she's saying is not unreasonable. like me who've been empathetic to trans people for decades feeling kinship because they're vulnerable excuse me in the same way as women i.e to male violence hate uh trans people because they think sex is real that have lived and has lived consequences is a nonsense so she's not she's not saying anything that's that outrageous. She's being rational about something that seems like very much cult-like behavior. You're trying to eliminate the term woman. She says, I've never felt shouted at, ignored, and targeted as a lesbian within our supposed GLBT community,

as I have over the past couple years. Anonymous letter from a terrified lesbian. Yeah. Well, so they're trying years, anonymous letter from a terrified lesbian. Yeah. Well, so they're trying to say that she's a TERF, which is a trans exclusionary radical feminist. So a radical feminist who doesn't want trans people to be in feminist spaces. And there's a lot of women that think that women's spaces should be for biological women. And there's a lot of women that think that women's spaces should be for biological women. And that when you let biological males into women's spaces, even if they say they identify as being a woman, oftentimes they have. First of all, they're not biological women.

Like the one who was in prison and got the women pregnant. Yeah, two women pregnant. Or these fucking athletes that are breaking records, which is just insanity for these girls. And wasn't they boxing? Wasn't the trans women boxing in the women lead also? There was one MMA fighter. It was an MMA fighter that fought two women, two biological women before anyone.

And beat the shit out of them. And beat the fucking shit out of them. Before people knew that she was a biological male. She didn't tell anybody. So she fought two fights with these biological women, with these women not knowing that she used to be a man for 30 years and even fathered a child.

It's cult thinking. One minute. The trans fighter fathered a child. Yeah. So who the fuck told them? I don't know what happened, how it got revealed, but then it was just a giant outrage. Yeah, I mean I don't want to fight you how it got revealed. But then it was just a giant outrage. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to fight you, Joe, because you put on a fucking wig.

Yeah, it's ridiculous. I still got a wound. Yeah, it's wrong in every sense. You still a man? Yeah, especially not. Look, if someone knows that that person's a trans woman and you still want to fight them, it's up to you. But not knowing and saying that there's no difference between trans woman and a biological woman that's horseshit excuse me i can i can pull off my panties and prove to you it's a different joe yeah there's there's differences in so many ways i mean it's

it's very different yeah my shit come off sticky i like how you said like you did in laundry before. So that's what they're mad at. That led to this giant backlash. But it became a thing where people can just say, J.K. Rawlings is transphobic, and they probably don't even know the quotes, and they just attack her online. So she's always defending herself, and they're always attacking her.

But I'm quite sure they still support her. Every time I go there, I go to Harry Potter Lane. Well, I'm sure enough people, look, it's one of the most successful book series of all time. I think they getting ready to do movies, aren't they?

They done a shit load of movies on Harry Potter. Oh, yeah. They're redoing it. They're doing another version? That's a TV show, I think. Yeah. I just heard something.

Each book is a season or something. I don't know. I wonder if they're going to woke-ify it. Oh, yeah. They're going to fuck it up. They're not going to fuck it up. They're not gonna fuck it up.

Who that woke will fuck up some shit, won't they? Boy, boy. Look at Bud Light. What happened to Bud Light? You don't know? That's how much I don't pay attention to shit. Good for you. I don't pay attention. I'm learning shit from you. Go. What happened to Bud Light? Bud Light had this trans woman who

is like this TikTok famous person named Dylan Beaumont. Oh, yeah. I heard about her. They sent her cans of Bud Light with her face on it. And everybody went crazy because she did all these, you know, this thing online about it. And everybody's like, fuck Bud Light. Now, like all these right wing people boycotting Bud Light. They don't want to drink their beer. look down at us as trans person, huh?

Well, it was that and it was also the person who was running the campaign said something about fratty senses of humor, that the beer was out of touch and that they wanted it to be more inclusive. So they were, like, basically, like, shitting on all their old fans of Bud Light, all the people who were their customers. They were, like, talking down to them. She was saying, well, we need to bring in, the brand is dying, it's not inclusive, we need to make it more inclusive. And by inclusive, they decided to go with this trans person

who's an attention whore. And I'm like, this is, like, look, day 365 of womanhood, my face is on a can. Like, literally, we'll say the days he's been a woman. Like, day 365 of womanhood my face is on a can like literally we'll say the days he's been a woman oh day 365 of womanhood like seriously oh he just turned into a woman yeah really real recent and but why is it but but like put him on the kids not only that like other companies have done stuff with her him they i don't know how they represent themselves, but like, I think it was Maybelline did something. Now people want to boycott Maybelline.

God damn. Hey, world, could I just say something to y'all? Trans people got to eat too. Check, check, yeah. Trans people got to eat too. But it's also, it's like these companies don't really, they're just doing it because they think that's the hip thing to do. They're doing it because they think that somehow or another it's going to connect like people go yeah we're going to support bud light now yeah that that shit doesn't work consumers outrage

over maybelline pays trans woman dylan mulvaney to model its makeup yeah joe she's beautiful joe cut the shit no cut the shit she's pretty no no what do you mean no no i don't think so where right there put that back up so there's she's had facial surgery okay because i was gonna say slimmer yeah because i was gonna say that's not very beautiful to me that's i couldn't that's odd it's not ugly jo, that's what the average woman looks like now. I don't agree with that. If that's a boy. That's a boy. There. That's what they really look like. She look like a white, happy woman to me.

Everybody else who got plastic surgery. That's post-surgery, right? See if you can find the old pictures, what this person looked like. They had more of a masculine jawline. I'm quite sure she was. She was a boy boy once riley do you see them coming out with women jawline well if they get that surgery they get that the jawline trimmed you can get a lot of shit trimmed these days yeah i heard yeah nothing is real joe and if she ain't got scratch marks, you need to ask her some questions. Mm.

Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. Where is she? Breaks down FFS. I don't know what that is. Recovery. Facial feminization surgery. So that's what they used to look like. See?

Oh. Oh. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's rough. That's crazy shit they do to people. When you got the money, everybody want to be beautiful. Nobody want to be. The Kardashians set a weird standard, you know,

because they just kept nicking and tucking until they got it right. Shots like a boar and that stuff going on in the 80s. Did they do it? Yeah. I don't know. I'm asking. But I think that looked bad. It was like facelifts.

I think what they do now, like if you look at the nip and tucks today, like they're pretty fucking good at it. Oh, yeah. Do you remember back in the day they would have to cut you and pull your face all the way back behind your eels? Do it too far sometimes? Yeah. You look like Biden.

Let me say this. Biden is such a fucking liar he always I mean I'm a democrat but he all those times he said he had COVID we knew he went

and got his eyes redone those fucking eyes are at least five years old I mean they smoother than a baby ass but his cheeks

is 88 so I'm like it doesn't match his whole face looks weird ah because he only get eye lifts well he's doing something it looks like he's got botox too yeah right up under the eyes look yeah look look at the bags yeah now look at the recent picture yeah yeah he's gotten look no those are bags he's gotten so much eye work done. Yeah. That seems weird to me. Yeah.

To the point, you can't even, I mean, he almost can't open his eyes anymore. Yeah. It looks very different. That's for sure. Yeah. Poor president. Poor president. He's running again, too.

I just can't believe that. Well, he's running again? Yeah, I just can't believe that. I can't believe they let him. It doesn't make any sense. I can't talk. Well, they let running again? Yeah, I just can't believe that. I can't believe they let him. It doesn't make any sense. I can't talk. Well, they let Trump run several times. I know, but Trump can at least form a sentence.

Yeah. Like Biden. Trump forms a lot of the wrong sentences. There's a lot of that. Biden does too. Yeah, yeah. All of them are a bunch of liars. They're all a bunch of liars.

All they want us to do is fight. We fight amongst ourselves while they spend our money. That's why I worry about things like the abortion issue, and I worry about some other issues. I think that sometimes those things, they're just designed to keep everybody at each other's throats. Why they go off and do dumb shit? Why they go off and make dumb decisions while we're not paying attention?

They put small things for us to fight about. Then behind the door, they fucking up all kind of other big shit. Then when they finally come to the light, you're like, what the hell? Where did this come from? So, you know. They get us upset about things. Next thing, it's going to be climate change. That's what people are going to be fighting off.

Yeah. Just like they were fighting over COVID. Race, everything else. Everything. Everything else. Gay, straight, abortion, pro-life. Black, white. Everything. Rich, famous. Asian. Race. Everything else. Everything else. Gay, straight, abortion, pro-life. Black, white, rich, famous. Asian.

Everything. My friend was telling me. Immigrants. Immigrants. My friend was telling me the other day that somebody just passed a law where if you got a good credit score, you get a higher interest rate. Biden just did that. Yeah. If you got a bad credit score, you get a, what the fuck is going on?

Yeah. So all of these years years you work to have good credit you paid your bill on time so you're gonna punish me by doing the right thing but the person with the lower credit score who probably can't even afford the damn house can get the house at a better rate yes a person who's been bad at paying their bills gets a better rate. They get a better insurance rate, which is insane. If you want to have it equal, you want to have people not penalized because they have bad credit, that's fine. If you want to do that, okay. You want to make it so you don't incentivize people to have good credit. That's what you want to do. But to penalize people who've done the right thing is just un-American. It's crazy. It's ridiculous.

It doesn't make any sense. I was telling my friends that I worked my ass off to get my credit score right. Now you're telling me I could get a better interest rate with my 400 I had? Yeah, I mean, it's not saying that some people aren't cast into very difficult situations. But what it is saying is that some people have been as responsible as they can, and they should be rewarded for it. And other people have been as irresponsible as they can, and they shouldn't be rewarded for it and other people have been as irresponsible as they can and they shouldn't be rewarded for it i agree it's like and they said it's a law now is that real was that one was that real i was trying to find i had read

that this i saw the meme online for sure going around but I had read an explanation that like it wasn't accurate thank god because my somebody comments that it's not like they get a 1% credit it's just like 1% less than it was or something like that it was I thought there was a different rate I think I thought the law was that it's like one

I don't know what the number difference was but it was a considerable difference in the rate. Because if you got good credit and you plan for something, you could probably get the 2% that they're advertising. But somebody with bad credit might get 8% or 7%. Right, right. So I told, I said, I haven't read anything on it, so I don't know. I said, but that's the craziest shit I've heard.

Yeah, it's like they're taking a risk. So they want you to pay more because they're taking a risk. So the idea is that enough people are going to default on it that they will still make their money. And they got insurance on it. Yeah. Because they got insurance on it. Yeah. It's a mess.

Well, that's what this world is. They put you against each other and then they try to keep you in a hole. You just got to be smart as an individual and say, I'm not falling for this bullshit. There's definitely a lot of people that want to do that. Definitely. Definitely a lot of people like to keep people in holes. Yeah. Oh, we're in the comedy world.

You know we know that. Yes. Yeah. Hey, they can say one wrong thing and change your whole fucking life in this industry. It's a weird world, isn't it? Because you're saying ridiculous shit and you're trying to be as outrageous as possible. But, you know, a lot of the things that you see in comedy clubs today, like if that got a lot of the jokes that people say on a regular basis could be just the subject of extreme outrage across the country, like by any group of people at any given time. Any comic could go on stage and say something that the whole audience laughs

at and then someone could decide that this is the worst thing that a person has ever said. They do it all the time. All the time. I'm quite sure people say the same shit to you. I had somebody tell me one time, how dare you talk about getting an abortion?

I say, fuck you, bitch. It's my pussy. Talk about your abortion. How many you kill? Because I still claim all my kids. Did you say this to her face? No, I said it on social media. She hit me on social media. I didn't know that, bitch. Don't come on my page and tell me I can't talk about the babies I killed. Them mom goddamn babies.

You act like you knew the daddy. You ain't have shit to do with that. You want no fly on that wall?'t tell me what i'm 51 fuck you some people don't want to hear that they only want to hear pro-life and they think they're righteous and standing up for that but to not recognize that that's it's a very complicated issue it's a very human issue like human issues are very complex and And then when the kid get here and then you got to put it in the system, nobody wants to adopt it. Nobody wants to care for it. Nobody wants to, you know, right. Yeah. You, one minute you say, keep them next. Then when we keep them, you don't want to help feed them. I mean, sometimes people know that

they got their stuff into a situation and they can't take care of that responsibility. Just leave people alone and let them make their own decisions. I say that all the time. Mind your motherfucking business because that's what I'm going to do with mine. You got to let people make good decisions and bad decisions. And we all got to learn from those good decisions and bad decisions. That's how we grow as a human being. If you're always perfect, then how are you going to grow, Joe?

You're not and no one is so it's like it's unachievable anyway look at the dalai lama what the hell did the lama do spit in the baby mouth ask the baby suck his tongue told some kid to suck his tongue in front of everybody in front of everybody he wasn't alone with this dude. He was out like a courtyard. Well, no, dude, it was a fucking kid. Kid, excuse me. Little dude. Let me say this to you. If he did it that time, a kid would have sucked his tongue before.

Oh, 100%. That was not new behavior. That's not something you try out when you're 70. Mm-mm. No, somebody been sucking your tongue. You don't get to be like seven years old. But see, that's why black people be Christian, because we'd have slapped the shit out of that pastor.

I'd have slapped that Dama Lama. What is it? Dalai Lama. Dalai Lama, Dalai partner. Dalai Lama's better. I'd have slapped that goddamn Dama Lama tongue around his neck. You stick your fucking tongue in my black baby mouth. Who left their fucking little boy with that man?

Yeah. Where are the parents while that's happening? Imagine if that was your son, and he's like, stick your tongue out. I'm going to suck your tongue. No. No, I don't think so, sir. I'd have slapped shit out of that Dama Lama.

I'm going to tell you right now. Any parent would. It's fucking ridiculous. The fact that he said that, and then he just did it in front of everybody, and then he apologized, and then it kind of went away. That's what they always do. But that's nuts. But that one, like,

that's... Proof. It's pretty much proof. You're trying to get a boy to French kiss you. You're telling the boy to suck on your tongue. What is that? You know what that is. Yeah, pedophilia.

There's two things I was going to add before. Tongue greeting in Tibetan culture? The video was edited slightly. How so? It's a longer video than the clip that went viral. Okay. And there's context that I think was edited out. Not that we're going to understand it probably.

See, this is Tibetan culture. So sticking out your tongue, according to a 2014 BBC article, sticking out your tongue can be considered as rude, but in Tibet it's a way of greeting. That's just sticking your tongue out. That's not sucking on someone's tongue. That's a very different thing. It says it has a tradition followed by the Tibetan people since the 9th century when

the region was ruled by Long Drama, who was known for a black tongue. Oh, so he had a black tongue. So that was why sticking out the tongue became like a greeting. Because this guy had a crazy tongue. You want to show everybody? His tongue was black. That's what he's saying. guy had a crazy tongue you want to show everybody his tongue was black that's what he's saying guy had a black tongue after the death of the king locals started showing their tongues when asked to confirm they are not like him or his reincarnation oh

interesting yeah but that has nothing to do with sucking on a tongue there is a bit if he said that stick your tongue out and the other guy went ah it was funny that's funny to a guy and a kid sticking your tongue up being silly but suck my tongue that's a totally different enterprise how would you have reacted i would beat the fuck out of him yeah well i was certainly screamed at him i was certainly like what the fuck are you doing when this story first hit so you know everything don't translate i'm a little slow slow sometimes. I thought it was like, when they said Dalai Lama, I thought it was like one of them big-ass llama with the top. Them things don't talk.

I'm sorry, y'all. That's the dumbness in me. And I was like, wait a minute. Them things don't talk. That's what I was thinking about. One of them llama things. I was like, hold on. He talking about, I was like, I ought to beat his ass. He's a very bizarre religious figure because he was chosen when he was a small child that he was the Dalai Lama. So he's been the Dalai Lama his whole life.

So it's not like a position he earned, you know, through being this like incredible person that everybody realizes like the reincarnation of some so who's that to him I don't know I don't know what they do I think they pick one I don't know how they do I don't know what the tradition is but I believe he was picked see see we can find out how they've picked the Dalai Lama but he's been the Dalai Lama like his whole life so he's been this religious you know worshiped person this whole life so what a weird life that guy's had how many tongues is he sucked that's what I'm saying I mean so how many times somebody sucked his tongue yeah quite a few exactly maybe suck my tongue that's not my finger hey

it's like my hand hey thanks you. Let me show you some artifacts. Whew. So I don't go to church. Yeah. Okay. When the Dalai Lama dies or even before their death, a successor is found rather than chosen. Traditionally, senior Tibetan monks conduct an elaborate quest to find a child who is the Dalai Lama's next incarnation. The search involves consulting oracles, interpreting

visions, and reading spiritual signs. Oh, wow. So that's how they found him. So he was just at the house chilling as a kid. They said, come here, boy, you're the Dalai Lama. He's like, I am the one. Suck my tongue. Maybe that's how they found him. I'm quite sure he had a great life as the Dalai Lama.

Right away, with his little keys, like, come here. And they're like, that's him. they found him. I'm quite sure he had a great life as a Dalai Lama. Right away, when he was a little kid, he's like, come here. And they're like, that's him. We found him. You think you just walk around like a dog with his tongue hanging out. Oh, that's the tongue we've been looking for. Waiting for people to spot him. So you think they was looking for somebody with a sucker baton? Maybe.

Took him off to live in the lap of luxury. That's a lap of luxury. Wearing robes. People just following you around. You just talk about life. No relationships. No marriage. No children.

They don't have relationships. No, I think they're supposed to be celibate. Isn't that what the premise of this movie is? Oh, that's right. The golden child. Yeah. That is sort of the premise, right? Trying to find the next one.

Yeah, because they were trying to kill him. They're celibate, right? Doesn't the Dalai Lama have to be celibate? Well. I believe they do, which is also not good. You take a man and ask him. Everybody need to bust a nut. Yeah, everybody.

Everybody. You know, I told a story about my special need uncle. My granddaddy was buying pussy on Friday because he thought that would help him with his having seizures and people's like you're lying i'm like if you grew up in my granddaddy house everybody know that my granddaddy had hookers to fuck my uncle ceaser because he was special ill special knee and he was crippled so me and my sister had to go back there help him get started and once we got him started we went and played pat man but it didn't help with his seizures but he came out pretty happy well there you go you know people that's why i say people should especially need people

need the bustle nut too yeah if there was prostitutes that only specialized in special needs people just to make them happy no my granddaddy paid them yeah that's what i'm saying for money yeah what that would be they got like half a pint of whiskey shit like that oh that's what he gave them yeah he ran the bootleg house so he saw moonshine so he would feed him and give him whiskey and a few dollars what kind of hookers can you get to fuck a special needs guy from moonshine i mean i'm i'm having a hard time seeing the bright side of this that was in the sevens That was in the 70s. That was in the 70s.

Oh, my God. What did these ladies look like? These poor ladies were down on their luck. They didn't look like that chick on that sign behind you, but they look a lot like these. That's Mitzi Shore. Oh. Yeah, that's who that is. I don't know who that is.

Mitzi Shore founded the comedy store. Damn. What? Yeah, that's who that is. I don't know who that is. Mitzi Short founded the comedy store. Damn, what? Yeah, that's Mitzi. You know, I don't think I knew Mitzi. Our bar at the Comedy Mothership is called Mitzi's. Oh, wow. Didn't she just recently pass? Yeah. That's beautiful.

We have a sign that's a neon sign that's modeled after her signature. So we took her signature and converted it into a neon sign. Oh, wow. Yeah. What a whole lot to look at how it look like these. Yeah, probably look like those. Probably look like these skulls. This is barely hanging on.

A lot of the teeth, I can tell you that. Those aren't real skulls. They're not? No, no, you don't have to feel weird. There's a guy named Jack of the Dust. He's an artist. He makes these. Those are those Day of't real skulls. They're not? No, no, you don't have to feel weird. There's a guy named Jack of the Dust. He's an artist. He makes these. Those are those dead skulls.

I just always loved those things. I didn't think you would have dead skulls up here. No, I did at one point in time. I bought a whole dead skeleton online, and I put it in my piranha tank. So I had a piranha tank, and there was a human skeleton inside of it. Whose body was it? I don't it. Who bought it, was it? I don't know. I bought it online.

This is like in the 90s. Damn, Joe, you just that rich? You just buy people bones? I wasn't that rich. Back then, I wasn't nearly as rich as you. I guarantee you that. You was that bored? I was a man that had money and I lived by myself.

I was a crazy person. So what did the piranhas do? Did they eat him? No, no, no. They ate goldfish. I'd feed them goldfish. Did you ever stick your hand in there and see if they really bite you? No, no, no, no.

Have you saw what they did to those goldfish? Oh, my God. It was crazy. So, like, every few days I would have just a slaughter fest in my living room. I would go to the store. I'd go to the pet store, and I'd buy a big bag of goldfish and I'd just dump them in there with the piranhas and it would just be madness. You'd see goldfish swimming away like half-bitten, they'd just bite them in half, half of them swimming away.

They'd bite each other's lips off because they were trying to steal food from each other. Why don't you drop chickens and shit in there? You could if you wanted to, but I'm not a fan of torturing mammals. I don't have feelings like that towards fish. Fish eat fish, and that's just what they do. But if I threw a mouse in there or something, I'd probably feel bad for that little guy. They're too close to us. They're warm-blooded.

They have fur. Something about that. We'd have fur? If I had fed a rat to a python i'd be like this is like so close to the food chain whereas like throwing goldfish into a tank filled with piranhas like they have to eat they're gonna eat dead fish or live fish like they'd rather eat them live that's what they like to do so you watch them do it they go into a feeding frenzy. It was wild. I just had a snake on my back porch. What kind?

I don't know. It was big. I put it on my Instagram. It was fucking huge. See if you can find it. I'll tell you what it is. Oh, you'll tell me what it is? I can give you a rough idea of what it is. I'm not the best at it, but I can send it to somebody and they can tell you for sure.

Let me see if I can find it. It's on my Instagram. It was the most scariest. Jamie can find it. How far away was it? How long ago was it? It's not that far, Jamie, if you look down there. We'll find it.

It was a fucking, I told my husband, you hear me in the background screaming, choke it out. My husband's like, are you fucking crazy? I don't know. Yeah, there he is.

It's my poach. Okay, it's not a rattler because the tail, let he is. It's my porch. Okay, it's not a rattler. Because the tail... Let me see. Oh, my God. Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, wait a minute. Hold on.

Oh, my God. Get back, Remo. Wow, you have three of them? Two or three? Just one. Oh, it's just one. It's just different areas. Get your ass down.

Is it poison? Hold this. Is it poison? It this. Is it poison? Can you come choke his ass out? You got to come get him. I think that's just a garden snake. But it's pretty big. I can't see its head.

The shape of their head should tell you. If you see one that has a shape of a head and a diamond, that's a poisonous snake generally. There's other poisonous snakes that don't have a head that way, but like rattlesnakes and snakes like that, they have a head like that. So we pick him up because the guy was like, I don't think he's part of it. So we put him in the trash can. This guy's doing my roof, Mexican child. Oh, I get him, put him in the trash can. So I tell the engineer, I was like, can you please get

this fucking snake away from me? So he said, oh, it's probably a guard snake. I take him home. So he said, well, my wife don't want him.

So he said, well, I throw him down a hill like on my land and he came back. So I'm like, look, just because we black, we're not going

to hang out together. So I take a stick and I slap the shit out of him and he turned around like this bitch is stupid and just left. I'm like, I asked you, I'm trying to be nice not to kill you.

Right. Because I was going to put him in the trash can and I was like, oh, he's going to come out the fucking big dumpster. Let those carne corsos after him. They'll take care of it. Oh. Quick. Well, they wasn't at that house. It's the house I was building. Oh, okay. Yeah. Just bring him out there. Yeah, I should.

But that snake scared the fuck out of him. So my husband's down in one of the big garages we got down on the property, and there it is, three, four snakes in there,

motherfucker. Oh, you got a snake problem. I do. A creek, a lake is in the back of my house, a creek-like, and they fucking, they're

so big. I seen, I tell you some crazy shit I seen. I've never seen a real owl in my, OWL, O-W-L, because I say they're fucked up. So I'm sitting in my girlfriend's yard

in the city of Atlanta, out fly a fucking owl, cold-blooded, like he had on a three-piece suit that was orange like a black man and some fucking Stacey Adams, and hit the ground, and looked at me like what's up, bitch? And his head spit. Joe Rogan, I put that fucking car in reverse i said bitch you got an owl in your yard and we in the hood

that was the scariest shit i ever seen to see a fucking real owl the way he came out that tree i didn't know their wings was that big he was like like, what's up, bitch? And he hit that ground. And I was like, wait a fucking minute. I put on the bright lights. And he's just looking like, what it is? It scared the shit out of me. I had this guy Dan Flores on the podcast the other day and he's a wildlife historian.

He wrote an amazing book about the history of wildlife in America. One of the things he said, when they find owl's nests, there's one owl's nest, they found 75 cat collars in this owl's nest. So this owl will just swoop cats up, take them into the nest, kill them and eat them, feed them to their babies. That's where most cats that go missing, he said, is owls.

He said they watched one. They were at this place that had a back patio, and there was this cat that was walking on the top of the railing, and this owl came and just swooped him up and took him off. Just flew away with him. They're big fucking birds. They're like

a three-foot wingspan and giant talons. Owls are ruthless. I've never seen one until I've seen one in her yard. And she lives in the city of Atlanta. The way he came down out that tree, it was beautiful. Because, you know, I'm sitting there on the phone. I'm not high.

So I'm like, what the fuck is that? And it just looked like he was in slow motion. He hit that ground. And that motherfucker head, that nigga head spin around. I said, no, you got the wrong black person. I threw that car in reverse. I said, bitch, you got the wrong black purse. I threw that car in reverse and said, bitch, you got an owl in your yard.

I couldn't call the police and say, come get the owl. Yeah, they're probably looking for cats. I don't know what the fuck he's looking for, but he wasn't looking for me that night. I left my friend's house. I sure did. I said, you need to cut your... What the fuck is that? They look weird as fuck. That's what they look like without feathers? I guess.

Why does that have no feathers? Science. I don't know. Oh, they probably skinned it. Oh, it's probably dead. Yeah, I'm sure it's dead. Oh, wow. They look creepy as fuck.

That wing looks tasty, don't it? Look at them. Wow, they look... Their wings are tasty. Are they good? No, I've never eaten it, but I'm just saying, they're on the picture. They look like friable. That looks like you could make something out of that.

Like a little bite-sized morsel. Yeah, little legs. Probably tough. That's an ugly fucker. Tough meat. They're strong as shit. The fact that little fucker can carry off a cat. You know, a cat's got to weigh 10 pounds.

When I was, when we was tanning at my house and putting the concrete down, it's this big ass, I guess an eagle, flew out of the, I don't know where the fuck he came from, Joe. We sat down and he swooped down and got this rabbit off the ground, took the head and yanked it off and took off with the body. I was like, oh my fucking God. And I was like, where the fuck did I move? Came back. They was like, don't touch it. He's going to come back for the head.

Came back and got the head. That was some creepy shit. And they always flying around because I got tall trees. I'm out there in the woods. It's crazy to see that. It's cool, though, because that's population control. If you didn't have that, you'd have rabbits everywhere, rats everywhere. That's what they're doing.

They're keeping it clean. That's like when people complain about coyotes in Hollywood. I'm like, try to find a rat. There's no rats out here. These rats are hiding. They're in trouble. Rats are in trouble. Coyotes are everywhere.

Well, they need to take them to New York. Yeah, they're in New York. Coyote? Yeah, they're in New York. But the problem with New York is the subway system. New York, the rats are all underground. They are so embedded in the city, they'll never get them out of the city. There's more rats in New York City than there are human beings.

You take them coyotes down there. They won't be able to do anything. There'll be a lot of coyotes in New York City, and they'll eat a lot of rats. They'll never put a dent in the population. Yeah, because rats are always fucking. They get underground, too. They get underground. They get in the pipes. They get in the walls. They get in the population. Yeah, because rats are always fucking. They get underground, too. They get underground. They get in the pipes.

They get in the walls. They get in the buildings. They find little tiny holes. They can compress their body to get through a tiny little hole, just about as big as their face. They can get through that. They'll chew through the walls, chew through pipes. Rats go everywhere.

They'll go up your fucking toilet. So one time, when I just gave birth to my daughter by my husband, so he go down to the kitchen where I just got our kitchen remodeled. So these rats done chewed through the baseboard. So my husband come tipping back upstairs. I said, what's wrong? He said, I need my fucking shoes. I said, what's wrong? Fucking rats. Now there was two rats in the kitchen, and they

just having a good time. My husband, I go downstairs, these fuckers ain't gonna get my baby. He jump up on the island, grab a can of tuna, Joe, threw the tuna and hit the fucking rat so hard upside the head, that rat stood up and said, and just stood up on his high leg and

fell back. The other rat looked like, oh, they killing niggas around here. Jump back through that hole. Jump back through that hole and we never had another rat coming out. Really? My husband hit that rat with a can of tuna upside his head. That motherfucker stood up from the pain, and that other rat looks at, oh, I'm hot this bitch.

He went back through that hole, and he never came back, Joe. Wow. One can of tuna got rid of all our rat problems. That's effective. I would have thought they would have come back. Never came back. Never had a problem. Other problem I had was squirrels.

They used to fuck in my roof all the time. You hear them up there? I told my husband, I said, don't you want to do what they're doing? He's like, she's a hoe. So one of them fell out the roof down in the house through the vent. And boy, I was stuck in the house all day with my newborn baby because I was too scared to go downstairs because of the fucking squirrel. My husband came home.

I said, it's a fucking squirrel down there behind the sofa. He moved us over the squirrel. He kicked the squirrel so motherfucking hard, the squirrel laying in a tree. I said, I've been stuck in this room all day for this bullshit and you come kick the fucking squirrel

in the ass and it's over? So I'm scared of rodents. Well, no one's really scared of squirrels. You're not scared of squirrels. Yes, the fuck I am.

They're cute. They probably whoop your ass too. Yeah, but they're not aggressive. Rats can be aggressive. Nah, I'm not fucking with that. I've never heard a squirrel bite anybody. You ever heard a squirrel bite anybody?

I'm quite sure squirrels bite people. I'm quite sure if you fuck with a squirrel, they'll bite you. But you have to probably have them trapped. You know what squirrels do do? They bite the nuts off other squirrels. Yeah. Like when squirrels are trying to breed and there's another male squirrel by, one squirrel will bite that squirrel's nuts off other squirrels. Yeah. Like when squirrels are trying to breed and there's another male squirrel by, one squirrel will bite that squirrel's nuts off.

What? Yeah. That's some hating shit. Oh, hating shit. They throw each other out of trees. I've seen that. Yeah. They'll, like, one of them will try to be fucking,

the other one will come over and just literally toss the other one out of a tree. They'll fall 50, 60 feet and they land on the ground. They're fine. They're like designed to fall out of trees. Yeah, I've seen them almost getting hit all the time. You ever see how far a squirrel can fall and be fine? It's fucking crazy.

They fall like really far and hit the ground just screw it back up the tree again. You are such an interesting person. Do squirrels bite testicles off other squirrels? So has this been resolved? The answer is no. No, they don't. So it was an old wives' tale? Steve brought it up on a podcast.

He suggested in his topic as a fact checker on episode 206. I joked about everyone believes it because he said it so many times. It was proven wrong when the media inbox flooded with messages from listeners in Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, California, Kentucky, and everywhere in between. They told me that prior to Steve bringing it up, they'd heard this claim from granddads, uncles, cousins, neighbors,

hunting mentors, and more. In Sigurd Olsen's 1956 book, The Singing Wilderness, is the oldest written source of this claim. In the book inspired by Lake Superior's beauty, Olsen has an entire chapter dedicated to red squirrels. I also know that owls like them as well as martins,

and they can throw the fear of death into larger gray squirrels should they invade through the convenient medium of castration oh so that's what you're saying i've literally watched squirrels for tens of thousands of hours in detailed behavior studies including a hundred or more mating bouts in some instances there were massive assemblances of dozens of males chasing a single female in estrus for seven to ten hours through all of that i never witnessed this happen the common folklore is just that folklore so it's not true thank god because those little nuts all them guys there's no scientific evidence or observation to support this odell said i've seen many squirrels fight over females and bite each other but not

specifically targeting the testicles. In theory, a squirrel could bite off another's testicles, but it isn't common practice or a common occurrence and certainly doesn't warrant how often people believe they kill sackless male squirrels. Okay. So I was spreading misinformation. Good. I thought it was real. Because you had me, because I've been listening to you, Joe.

Yeah. I think I probably learned it from steve when you do that when you do that ufo shit you scared the fuck out of me oh i had one the other day that was a real good one yeah we're a good one you saw one no no no no good ufo podcast oh yeah you i'd be like james fox he wrote a documentary about a ufo that crashed in bra Do you believe it? I think I do. I believe some of it. I don't know what to believe. I don't believe any of it 100%, but I get in the 90s. I get in the high 90s. You know, but the problem is, Pat, is that I want it to be real.

Why? Because I think it's fun. It's fun if it's real. It's exciting that we're being watched. What? We are being watched. The police, the FBI, the CIA. What the hell the fuck do you want?

Let them be your aliens. I think the human race is being watched. Yeah, by God. Or whatever's bigger than all of us. Yeah. I don't want to be watched by people with sunken faces, looking like crackhead and skinny and shit, with magical fingers that

can go up our asses. I don't want to be floated away and pushed on by a little bitty motherfucker with a head like this. Right. You know, if you're going to kidnap me, be sexy. At least be fuckable. I don't know about the abduction stories. I don't know how many of those are real.

I don't think that shit is real, Joe. I don't know about the abduction stories. I don't know how many of those are real. I don't think that shit is real, Joe. I don't know. The thing is, if it happened to a small number of people and it was by a super advanced intelligent civilization that is so far beyond us that we can't even imagine it. How much evidence do you think they would leave behind? Do you know how many times men have been cheating on women and told their wife they was adopted by aliens? Really? That's why black women don't believe that shit. Where you been?

Ruben, you been gone three weeks. Oh, baby, this fucking alien came and got me. All these fine bitches, they floated me out of space. I told them I had you back at the house waiting on me. Well, that's a different kind of story. That's why black people don't, that's why black women don't believe in aliens.

Their daddy came home with them kind of stories. He'd been gone two weeks. He was adopted. He was adopted. How do you think you would feel if you saw one, if you saw a UFO? I don't mind my motherfucking being, I've seen motherfuckers look like aliens all my life

in my family. Like, how you doing, Tyrone? What's up, Jerome? What it is, little Willie? So you saw a UFO, you would just tell no one? A UFO? Yeah. Saw a real UFO.

You're driving by yourself. You're on the highway. Well, let me say this. In this day and time. Something's hovering over your car. Bright lights everywhere. It could be Elon Musk with a new Tesla. I just can't say that.

That might be Elon Moose new shit that worked this time. I'm not fucking going to run and say there's no damn. Until some people just jump out and say, you know, try to beam me up. I mean, that's why that's another reason why I stay on the plus side. Because they're going to have a lot of energy to lift me up. That motherfucking UFO better be plugged up. I don't

believe in that bullshit. You don't believe in it at all? No. You think we're alone in the universe? No, we got stars. Right, but do you think there's, on other planets, there's intelligent life? The way the white people have suffered the worst, I mean, been nosy on every planet,

ain't nothing out there. We're not that nosy on every planet. We barely ever reach. Well, whatever we can reach. Yeah, but we're just starting to be able to reach in our solar system. Yeah, but no, I don't think nothing out there. Nothing?

Really? We're alone in the whole universe of infinite planets, infinite galaxies. You ain't going to pull me into that bullshit, Joe. I don't believe in no aliens. I know some ugly-ass people. I'm going to stick

to ugly-ass people. I don't think there's no extraterrestrial shit out there. I don't think there's nobody coming to get us. No, I don't. What do you think these people are seeing

when they're seeing like spaceships? They high. They seeing new model cars. They dreaming. Because if you put a lot of that shit in your head, you go to sleep and you dream about it. Do you have any shit like that that you believe in that's illogical, like ghosts? Nah.

You don't believe in ghosts? I believe, I do believe the spirit floats around. I do believe that. I don't i don't know sometime i you know how you see shit can happen i do believe the spirit hang around earth for a while yeah yeah before they go today if there's a place where they supposed to go so i do believe i ain't never seen no ghosts now my mama said she her mama came back and called my granddaddy was his best friend well my mama stayed high so I don't know

but nah I believe that there might be a ghost but I don't believe there's no fucking aliens I believe your loved ones who have left and body can still be here on earth with you how do you not believe in aliens in all the universe

you don't think there's another planet like us out there somewhere no that's it i think this is it this planet is so fucked up god ain't got time for two of us so we better not fuck this up then uh we already fucking it up but have we really i mean we're here right now. Everything seems fine. Everything is always seems fine until it hits you. They'll never tell you the truth until it hits you. What are you worried about? Nothing. What are you worried about it hitting?

Like, until it hits you? I mean, you know, like, the whole big thing was when people was like, oh, COVID ain't real. Then that shit hit us. And we're like, oh, we didn't know what to do. You know, people had, we had never experienced anything like this. I mean, you know, we have been through a pandemic, but not this generation of people. So we lost our fucking minds. We definitely lost our fucking minds.

Yeah, we didn't even know how to be in the house with each other. You know what's weird? It was just a couple of years ago. Yeah. But it seems so long ago. You know what's weird? It was just a couple of years ago. Yeah.

But it seems so long ago. Like, imagine the idea now being locked in your house and all stores being closed. That seems ridiculous. It do. But back then, it's like we had all adapted quickly. That was what bothered me. We were scared. That's what bothered me. What bothered me that everybody quickly started listening to the government and all those businesses shut down because of it.

All those people lost their businesses. They weren't allowed to be open. Even if they had COVID and got over it, it didn't matter. Can't have a business open. Too dangerous. And they just let the economy crumble. They just let 70% of all Los Angeles restaurants just went away forever. That's a giant number of restaurants.

Small businesses, mom-and-pop stores, couldn't keep it open. We're just barely getting by as it was. Joe, I think a lot of people took that money and got the fuck on. It was their way out. Because the government gave a lot of money away. Did they? How much did they give away?

They gave a lot of money away. I know a lot of people had fake businesses. That's why they locking them up now. Yeah, that's true. And it was open. It was like they opened up the bank and said, take all you want. We want you to survive, but we're going to lock your ass up if you're lying. What is that lawsuit that I see that's going on right now,

the criminal trial with the dude from the Fugees? What is that? Do you know that story? Yeah. He was an FBI snitch. Yeah, but I think he's a double agent or something. What? Because apparently Tupac said back in the day he knew he was in the FBI or something like that.

Tupac said he was FBI back in the day? Nobody listened to Tupac. Tupac's mother was a Black Panther. Maybe they should have listened. They should have. So he came out, he was really an FBI agent, right? That's crazy. Was he really an FBI agent?

So here's one story. Fuji rapper. Fuji rapper Pross testifies he met and shared information with the FBI voluntarily. Oh, who? So Jeff Sessions' testimony was not exciting. The defense basically had him describe an official legal process for considering extraditing Guao at China's request. The apparent idea was to suggest that there was nothing so bad in Pross and company trying to have Guao sent back to China. Pross is testifying in his own defense, told the judge, after consulting with my attorneys and the

universe, I decided that I will testify. Oh, he consulted with the universe. I like how people talk like that. He's facing 10 charges, including conspiracy, witness tampering, and failing to register as an agent of China. What? Who the fuck is Cha? I mean, why?

He's an agent of China. The black dude? Yes. That guy was a billionaire he was talking about. Oh, okay. Well, on the stand, Pross addressed his alleged efforts

to get the U.S. to extradite Chinese billionaire Guo Wengui. In addition, he denied acting as an agent for China. I took it upon myself to report because I thought the FBI should know, he testified. Before his trial started, the 50-year-old artist told Rolling Stone, what benefit would I get trying to break laws? It's not worth it to me.

I'm like a pariah now. I've got friends who won't talk to me because they think there's a satellite in orbit listening to them. To be clear, Pross never testified in the stand that he was an FBI informant. His approach to the FBI to discuss Gua Wengui and three Americans held in China was completely voluntary. If convicted, Pross serves 22 years in prison. What do they think he did? That's what I don't understand. What are they accusing him of? Okay. It says they alleged the veteran Reimer was the middleman for alleged crimes, including a secret lobbying campaign to help Malaysian billionaire Joe Lau put pressure on American justice officials and White House officials when his fraud scheme unraveled and to help the Chinese government secure the return of a dissident who's living inside the U.S. I don't know.

I'm not exactly sure what he did. I still don't know what he did. I know. He's an FBI agent. Everybody got a side job. But it seems like then he wasn't even informed. He went to the FBI because he felt like they should know that, which is like, Jesus, you're opening up the can of worms. The shit that goes on in the world.

See why I mind my business? See why I say if there's aliens out there? Hey, if they out there, all I say, when you come to our country, pay your taxes. I don't think they're paying shit. Well, I mean, I don't want to pay shit. If I looked at what I think about aliens, I think they're monitoring us because we're a highly sophisticated society that might blow itself up. I don't think that's why they're here.

Joe, ain't no fucking aliens here. You don't think so? Here's a different explanation. Okay. Bringing the Tupac thing I just brought up. Tupac lyrics fueling a conspiracy theory after Fuji's member Pross admits he was an FBI informant. The hip-hop world was shocked when Pross, how do you say his last name? Mikel or Mikel.

Mitchell? Mitchell. One of the founding members of the legendary group the Fugees admitted he was an FBI informant during his federal conspiracy trial in Washington, D.C. Pross is accused of conspiring to make illegal campaign contributions using foreign funds from a Malaysian fugitive, Zhao Lo, who is also wanted for his role in a massive corruption scandal involving billions of dollars. So he got tied up with the wrong people. scandal involving billions of dollars. So he got tied up with the wrong people.

Yeah, and then it says somewhere around here, like, a cryptic line from a song in 96 is something about what the Fugees were trying to do to him. Oh. Speculating that. Tupac was aware of Pross's involvement with the FBI and that he was expecting him, exposing him as a snitch. It's like the internet runs wild. Oh, yeah. So that's, like, open to interpretation.

Mm. Not a bad side gig if you come with health care. Side gig working for the FBI? If you come with health care. They seem to all go to jail anyway. Pretty much. Yeah. Those FBI informants, it seems like a lot of those guys wind up going to jail anyway. What is it when they protect you for the rest of your life?

Witness protection? Yeah. That's real fun. Yeah. You had to live in the middle of nowhere with a fake name. Just stay at home. Just let me get killed. I just got to go to one more club.

There's a little better explanation maybe. Currently facing up to 22 years in prison for conspiracy witness tampering and the failing to register as an agent of China, Mitchell was first accused of federal crimes in December of 2018. Although he would eventually plead not guilty in May of 2019, Mitchell was allegedly involved in helping Malaysian business mogul, that's what we already know, embezzle over $4.5 billion from the Malaysian government and use it to fund Barack Obama's 2012 re-election campaign what so he took he stole money and then when he gave money like he was a big dog to Obama's campaign well that you know they do shit like that just to protect

themselves from future prosecution that's what like FTX did that cryptocurrency exchange that went under they were the number two donor to the Democratic Party They were just donating money like crazy like leave us alone. Where your friend will give you some money Like they're making billions of dollars of these nonsense crypto invest in a shit very little I have some Bitcoin Along with Trump asking Trump to dismiss Lowe's previous crime Michelle also reportedly worked on behalf of the Chinese government to try to return a Chinese dissident back from the U.S. by establishing a relationship with Steve Bannon and Trump.

Wow. Okay, before Michelle... What did Leonardo DiCaprio got to do with anything? I decided to testify on April 18th. Iconic actor Leonardo DiCaprio was called to the stand on April 3rd. Considering he had a previous relationship with both Lowe and Michel, DiCaprio testified that Lowe revealed to him

his plans to make donations to the Democratic Party in 2012. That whole donating to political parties shit is so slippery. That shit is so slippery. Because, like, what kind of weird deals are you guys making? You know they're making weird deals when small people like me donate I don't get shit but a sticker

you get a sticker that's all I ever got when I donated to the Democratic Party they're peddling influence the first one we said said he didn't say he was an informant but everything else said the opposite well informant means he didn't say he was an informant, but this everything else has said the opposite. Well, informant means he had a

conversation with them and he gave them information. He informed them, right? You could technically say he's an FBI informant if he went to them with information. Oh, even if it's voluntary. Yes. Admitting that he was an informant for the FBI, Michelle elaborated that he gave up information about U.S. hostages in China, while at the same time being a liaison

for China, who was working to get a Chinese criminal billionaire extradited back from the U.S. hostages in China, while at the same time being a liaison for China, who was working to get a Chinese criminal billionaire extradited back from the U.S. If this sounds like a big, ugly mess, it's because it is. Yeah. It seems like he just got caught up in some shit where he's probably trying to make some money, and they thought it would be clean, and they're going to donate money to the Democratic Party, and oh, it's great, and work with all these people. Hey, Leonardo was working with them.

Oh, must be fine. And that's one of the ways they get people involved in these, like, very shady deals is they do it with other famous people. Like, hey, he's in there. You should be in there, too. Oh, okay. I'll let you hang out with Leo. The next thing you know, you're involved in some weird thing that's got you, you know,

testifying in front of Congress. One thing you can guarantee, Joe Rowley, i'm never coming to an alien party with you i love you but you can have that shit on your own no no no if the aliens come you're the first person i'm coming to i'm like we're going atlanta if they grab me and i'm like we're real who are we gonna tell i'm like right oh found guilty on all 10 counts. International fraud trial. He was convicted guilty on 10 counts related to what prosecutors called a clandestine foreign intelligence campaign scheme funded by a wealthy Malaysian financier to peddle influence in the United States. See, that's what I'm talking about. They're peddling influence. The week-long trial saw witnesses like

Leonardo DiCaprio, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, take the stand and testify under oath. Wow. He's fucked. So that Malaysian guy is still at large. And he was charged as a co-defendant in Michelle's case and played a major role in witness testimony and evidence presented to the jury. According to the Justice Department,

Lau, I don't know how you say it, Lau or Lau, allegedly misappropriated over 500 million from the sovereign wealth fund, one Malaysian development, Berhad, with wire transfers to shell companies he and others used or owned. Okay.

So he's fucked, man. If they they made him he's going to jail 22 years i think it says oh my god 22 years what is he 50. he might not make it off that type of phone i think how many of those are going on where people aren't getting arrested though like how much of that influence peddling shit is just... It's been going on from the start. Forever. This ain't nothing new. I just don't... I'm still confused as to how he's in trouble.

Me too. He connected people that were trying to get a billionaire released. He became friends with Trump to try to get a guy released. No, but Obama. Well, he was just giving the money to Obama. He tried to establish a relationship with Steve Bannon and Trump. And Jeff Sessions. Yeah.

How weird. Not weird. It's just what goes on in our government. I know, but he's from the Fuji. He's like, bro, aren't you busy? Shouldn't he be touring? He should have turned that shit into a song. To get a picture with Obama.

Lau paid Michelle $20 million in 2012 in order to get a picture of himself with Obama. And prosecutors alleged that Michelle funneled over $800,000 of that money to Obama's campaign through a number of straw donors. Whoa. So he made a deal where this guy gave him $20 million gave him 20. I'll get you a picture with Obama. You got to give me 20 million. And he said to Obama, listen, I'll give you 800,000. He didn't say that to Obama. He just said he just started. He just made up all these accounts and money. Yeah. But I mean, they must have had something. He funneled that money through a number of straw donors. That seems to me like that's how they would do it

well somebody donate that type of money you want to know who it is it's not like me who give you 20 dollars and say no to the next 20 dollars but they did it through these like hidden yeah over 100 million it says so he knew what he was doing whoa according to prosecutors low directed over 100 million to michelle to help push the government including Trump to drop its investigation into Lowe prosecutors also say that Michelle advocated for the extradition of Chinese dissident Guo Wendui on behalf of the Chinese government he said he gave him 100 million for a media business can you imagine the Fuji they ain't had a song in years but they

looking at him like how is he living like that the rest of the group like what the fuck is he over there doing we ain't had a hit album since 93 early 2000 how is he living like that all this time he got a friend named Lo who's sending him millions through wire

he ain't telling nobody. He pulling up in new cars. And you're like, I know everybody else in the group like, nigga, what you up to? What the fuck you doing? But he ain't tell nobody. Thank God he didn't. Working on international policy. People are like, what?

I'm running for Congress. I'm influence peddling. No, he didn't say all that. He said, I got a donor. What a dirty business politics is. The fact that they, like, no one's mad at Obama for that. No one's mad at anybody who's getting, the Democratic Party getting all that money. They don't have to give it back.

No. All the money that got funneled from them, imagine if that got funneled to another person. That person would be in trouble. It would be. Right. But you get funneled to the Democratic Party, like, hey, we're helping the good guys. The Republicans do the same thing. Everybody does.

Everybody does. The idea that there's two teams fighting against each other, sure, for temporary control while they all share resources. If you look at the number of congresspeople that are insider trading, it's everyone. It's across the board. It's red and blue. It's like Republican, Democrat. They're all in there. They're all in cahoots.

They're all pretending. They're all pretending they're working for us. They hate each other. They play like they hate each other. But yet you sneak up on one of their house and there's Mitch McConaughey at, what's her girl name who just left? Nancy Pelosi.

Nancy Pelosi house. Getting drunk. Talking about all the shit they did. Her telling Nancy Pelosi. How much you make off of Apple? I'm sorry, your husband got his ass whooped. They wasn't supposed to go that far. Did you see that video? Did you watch that video? I did not watch that video.

At first, I was like, what is going on? How's this person in the house? What's going on? And then you watch the video and go, oh, that's a legit crazy person with a hammer that was in this dude's house. And he was trying to calm the guy down. And everything was calm until the cops came. And the cops go, give me the hammer. He goes, nope. And then he just cracks the old dude in the head with a hammer.

Knocks him out cold. The guy's snoring on the ground. The cops are like, oh, shit. And they tackle the guy and get the hammer from him. He hit him in the fucking head with a hammer. And that dude's 80 years old. Yeah, I didn't watch the video. I didn't even know it was a fucking video.

Yeah, you want to watch it? I'll show it to you. You want to see it? You ain't shit, Joe. You actually want to see me? You want to show me an 80-year-old man get his fucking head cracked open? I've only watched it five or six times.

I'm questioning you now. Tell the truth 50 or 60 times. Well, because there was a lot of people that there was a baseless conspiracy theory that he was having a relationship with this man. That's why the man was in the house. But there's video that shows this man broke into his house. There's video of the man using the hammer to break the back door. So he breaks. He's hitting the hammer. Why the hammer to break the back door. So he breaks. He's hitting the hammer.

Why wasn't he calling the police then? Yeah, exactly. How does this guy not have better security? I mean, how does it, first of all, how does he not have a gun? How does he not have better security? How does he not hear? This guy smashed this fucking door open. Look, he climbs right through after he smashes the window.

So he's in the house. And so he's standing. Give me the volume. What's in the house and so he's standing give me the volume see he's holding the hammer while he's talking to drop the hammer Yo. Rough, right? Oh, my God. I've never seen this video. Give me your fucking hand.

You hear him snoring? Oh, my God. Yeah. That's what it sounds. Have you ever heard someone get knocked out? Not like that. That's what it sounds like when people get knocked out. They start snoring. That's that

good sleep. Not in his case. I bet he had some fucking nightmares. No, hey, the way he hit him with that hammer, there was no space for dreams. Yeah, no space. That's why he was snoring like that. Went right to the darkest realms of your consciousness.

Is he okay? I don't know. I don't know how he could be. When you're that old and you get knocked out that bad, that could potentially have consequences that will last you for as long as you're alive, for the rest of your life. Who called the police? He did.

Yeah, he called the police to say this guy's in his house. And by the time the police got there, him and the guy were like, he's holding onto the hammer while the guy had the hammer as well. But he's also got a drink in his hand. He's having a conversation with this guy. So why did the guy say he broke into the house? He's a crazy person. Just a crazy person.

That's like that man who went over to that pizza shop to say Hillary Clinton was... Yeah, Pizzagate. Yeah. They had children locked up in the basement. And went in there and fucked around in that pizza shop. Didn't he fire off a round? Yeah. I think he fired off a round? Yeah. I think he fired off a round.

And one of the kids out of the basement. Yeah, and there's no basement. No basement? No. There's no basement. Nobody makes kids pizzas. Yeah. What the fuck was wrong with these people?

That's what happens when you listen to all this bullshit. That's like QAnon shit. They get online and they get in these conspiracy forums and they really believe because it's exciting to believe in shit. Just like it's exciting to believe in shit just like it's exciting to believe in aliens it's exciting to believe that the government's run by lizard people and pedophiles and they're sacrificing children drinking blood basement of a pizza place they say stars drink blood so they look younger see meanwhile the dalai lama's out there getting people to suck his tongue and no one's going to visit him you know it's weird like what what people decide like

you're seeing something right in front of your face and there's barely a blip of outrage and then it goes away they know how to fuck with the monks i guess they would get the they would get their ass beat in barefoot style you think so they don't wear no shoes right yeah they wear like these little tiny shoes sometimes but majority of the time they barefoot right kung fu slippers yeah but they take them shoes off and whoop them white people's ass come running down. That's why he suck a tongue. You know my fucking business.

Oh, Miss Pat, I miss you. I miss you too, Joe. It's so good to have you around again. It's so good to... We're going to have some fun tonight too. I can't wait to show you the club. You're going to love it. I can't wait to come.

I've been hearing nothing but great things. Oh, you're going to love it. They're going to love you't wait to show you the club. You're going to love it. I can't wait to come. I've been hearing nothing but great things. Oh, you're going to love it. They're going to love you, too. They're real comedy fans. They're the best. It's been so much fun. I get a lot of your fans come out to the show. I can tell them.

They all fit and muscly. They drink water. And they're bald-headed. I'll be like, you hear from Joe Rogan, ain't you? Yeah. I can tell Burt fans. They're all fat and hairy. All Thompson girl people, they come. They all fat and hairy. All Tom Segura people,

they come there on a diet now because Tom looking all good and shit. Tom looks good! Tom looks so good! He looks so fucking good. It's amazing. I'm so proud of him. Turn back the hands of time, ain't you? When I met Tom, Tom was like this struggling comedian who lived in a terrible neighborhood,

lived in this real shitty apartment, and they had no money. And to see him now, handsome, fit Tom, balling out of control, it's amazing. It's so beautiful to see. He comes by the club all the time. He lives here now. I know he do.

Have you visited them? Have you done their show over here? No, I haven't. I haven't. They got a great studio. I know. They had a nice one when they was in L.A. when they bought their big old beautiful house.

Because when I first met them, you know, I think they, did they have a baby? I don't even know if she had a baby yet. But they was in their little basement. She was pregnant. They was in their little basement apartment. And to see them now is like, ooh, give me hope. Yeah. They love it out here, too.

They love it out here. I bet you they do. You can get so much more for your money. And there's no state taxes and people are friendlier there's so many pluses the people friendlier thing is big yeah it's big for me not fake no so they're just genuinely friendly people and they're not hollywood there's nothing there's no influence of hollywood out here it's like all just texas folks just. Just good old Texas folk like to eat. I love it. Good music, nice people.

I've never been in a place I like more. Really? Yep. That's how I feel about my home, Atlanta. That's beautiful. We speak. We have our issues, but it's fun. Yeah, you're perfect for Atlanta.

You're perfect for a radio show in Atlanta. They just got to let you swear. Come on, XM. Joe Rogan said I need an XM show. Yeah, XM. Come on. Get it together. You do.

Let's put in the universe, since you got stars in your fucking ceiling, the HGTV show first. That's what I really want to do. Yeah, you really want to do a home improvement show. I think that would be a great show. Hey, with real language, feeling. Stop lying, telling people it cost you $50,000 to knock down a wall. Look, we're going to knock down this fucking wall with a hammer and a nail. Let's get to work.

You tear it down, I'll help you put it back. Listen, I think that would be a big show. It would be. It'd be great. It's a perfect vehicle for you, too, because you actually love that stuff. Yes, I do. You're a fucking general contractor. I am.

I am. My house is up. Show Joe my house before we go. Can you go to my Instagram? It's called the Miss Pat Project. Nice. You can see it. And I'm proud because my husband thought I was a fucking fool when I hired an architect.

He's like, Pat hired a general contractor. I said, no. I'm going to say, I don't want to get him 20% of my money. I hear you. You can do it. If you can do it, then you did it. It was hard because I had no idea what the fucking

elevation certificate was. I had no idea you had to get dirt samples before you can build on land. And I was like, what are you testing for? So the guy come over and stick this thing down in the ground, pull out dirt. You good? I paid you $500 for that shit. Here we go.

That's the house. I finally finished the dog house. That's Here we go. That's the house. Finally finished the dog house. That's the dog house. That's the dog house? That's insane. Those dogs are living large. Look at that dog house. That's the best dog house I've ever seen.

That's incredible. But I'm enjoying myself. Look how peaceful your yard looks. That's the dog house. That dog house is fucking radical. That's some shit. It's got four kilners. It has a washing machine. It has two doors, a front and a back door.

And it has, I can't wait to show y'all what we did on the inside, or what I did on the inside. Miss Pat, we're going to talk when those dogs get big. And you're going to be like, Joe Rogan, yougan you warned me oh joe i'm getting them training now it's so fucking expensive somebody has to be on them all the time it's like you got three alphas living with you yeah they want to run shit and that's what they're teaching us that's what they're teaching yeah they want to run shit you got to like impose discipline on them like i have a golden retriever you don't have to do nothing to that dog. That dog just wants to be your friend.

You don't have to ever worry about him being aggressive. He's just a sweetheart to everybody. Anyone who comes over the house. If you came over the house, it was like he's known you his whole life and he hasn't seen you in a year. You'd be like, oh, oh, oh. He starts wagging his tail and circling you. He's so happy. I don't have to worry about him.

I love this dog. But that's what to worry about him. I love this dog. But that's what I love about him because I've had dogs in the past. I had a bunch of pit bulls. I had a mastiff. I've had some. The pit bulls were the most sketchy because there was certain things. Like you couldn't fuck with them. You couldn't like in any way test them.

Or you could like if someone came over the house They had to like they had to like walk up to that person make sure they're cool They had to check you out sniff you like okay, you're cool But like there's like a they're not just instantly accepting you you know, whereas like my dog just accepts everybody He's not a guard dog at all, but those carnecorsos. They're gonna test people Especially if they don't get exercise. Well, we do. They're in training now. That's why I built the dog house.

Each kennel is divided. And then they're able to run in a yacht. So I have somebody to come over and give them a bath and stuff like that. You know what you can set up for them? Set up an obstacle course for them. Dogs love shit like that. Things that they can climb on and do things to. Those are thinking, working dogs like they need activities i was thinking about putting them a little

playground back yeah that the dog house you just saw i'm getting that's gonna be gated into and so is the kennel nice so they're not just gonna be able to run free yeah well let them run free sometimes i mean they got all the yard there's like they're not gonna come in my fucking house do you have anything out there like wild pigs or anything in that area? No, but we got a lot of shit back there by the lake. Snakes and coyotes and wild turkeys.

Guarantee you they're going to start killing shit. As soon as they can get bigger. How many acres do you have? Seven. That's a lot of room to kill things. As long as I don't bring that shit back to the house my dog just killed a turtle really he came in the house's blood all over his face we thought something happened to him we went outside and he had taken a turtle apart tore tore the he's a fucking golden retriever sweetest dog in the world tore a turtle apart

opened it up uh got in it just fucking cuts all over his face. He's clawing at the turtles trying to fight for its life. Well, hopefully, you know, the trainer we hired is going to help us keep him in control. I don't fuck with them because one of them is crazy. Zeus is crazy and they like to jump up on you and they fucking, they like

to play with you but they're so fucking heavy. I'm like, get the fuck off of me. And they love my husband. They just rattle around him like he's the king. He's the alpha. And they look at me like, who are you? I'm like, excuse me, I just bought you dog food, bitch. Do they listen?

You got to get them to listen to you. They do, because they're in training. But one of them sleep on his back. And he whines. He sleeps on his back like that? On his back. That's the weirdest shit I ever seen just nut sack

dick hanging out I'm like I got kids dude you sleeping with your dick outside your shell my dog does that the moment he sees people really

yeah he wants to pet my belly pet my belly he just lies on his back but one of them sleep on his back and the other they don't like

being in the cages cause they getting so big of course yeah but we'll be we'll be moved in the house soon that's nice when big. Of course, yeah. But we'll be moving the house soon. That's nice. When do you think you'll be done with all that? By August.

The installation is going up. It went up today. That's exciting. How long was the project from beginning to end? I started, it's a little over a year. This is the first time you've ever done something like this, right? This big. I've remodeled my homes many times.

You never built something from the ground up? I never tore a house down. i didn't know anything about the elevation certificate like i told you all the stuff that the county went through took me through i remember right after the pandemic i did the first floor and the guy charged me twenty thousand dollars more and i said fuck you i know when i'm getting ripped off and i said i stopped the project and i remember just saying lord I need you to send me somebody. Just tell me how to fucking buy this float. Because this is not what I budget for.

And I called a lady by some doors, a little white girl. Her name is Allie. Barnett and Cheevers. It's a llama yard where I live at out by P Street City. And I called his llama yard and I'm talking to this lady I give her my email address and I said

I'm going to send my husband up there my husband FaceTimed me she started trembling I'm like what the fuck is wrong with her and so my husband's like I think she know you

I said I'm too far out for somebody to know who I am and she fucking heard me I think on your podcast and she bought my book

and she knew exactly who I was and she she jumped right in, Joe, and helped me with my project. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. So we're like best friends. We're going to the—I take it anybody. We're going—I was like, come go to Beyonce concert with me, Allie. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful.

Burness and Cheese. That's the name of her daddy's lumberyard. Nice. And she just—she was like, I can get you this flow for way cheaper. She helped me with the lumber. I learned so much from this young girl because her daddy owned a lumberyard. But she protected me because I knew I was getting ripped off from there. And I was like, I'm not spending this kind of money for this fucking house.

And so now I order wonders. I had ordered wonders from a big department store. You know, it's only two loads of Home Depot. I won't say which one because I love the store. And I fought like a motherfucker to get my money back. They fucked my wonders up. Oh, really? Yes.

Did they install them? No, I had ordered them and the person kept ordering them wrong. 80 grand I spent. And I finally got my money back from them. Yeah. Well, you know, you're going to learn things doing a project like that.

Then I, oh, I got to tell you this before we go. So my air conditioner man came in and put my air conditioners in and ran off with my air conditioner. What? He stole your air conditioning? Stole all my fucking units.

But one text message, I took it. They told me i could issue the one because he said give me forty thousand dollars and i'll be there with your air conditioning unit never showed up with the air conditioning unit i was able to take him to court the judge gave my air condition back the man went and put a damn lien on my million dollar house now i gotta go to court now he's suing me what it's a bullshit so just little shit like that You learn along the way You know, I've had a few bumps But there was only two bumps so far

Well, it's an amazing accomplishment And when you're in that house You're going to really appreciate it I do appreciate it It's an amazing thing What I said is really true Like you're very inspirational What you've done is very amazing

You've got an incredible accomplishment And coming from your beginnings To where you are now, you should be proud. I am. And I built a whole house by myself with TikTok. That's amazing. Well, Miss Pat, I love you to death. Is there anything else you want to tell people about? You got anything coming out? Oh, yeah. I have my first theater tour, like I said earlier. Your Girl Done Made It. Go to MissPatComedy.com to check it out. Get tickets. Hey, I'm coming everywhere. And third season of the Miss Pat Show is streaming now on BET Plus, y'all.

And just, hey, become a crack baby on Facebook. Get in there, kids. Congratulations on everything. And we're going to have fun tonight. We're going to have fun tonight. I'm excited. I'm going to go put on a new wig. I'm coming out to the mothership.

All right. I'm excited. I'm going to go put on a new wig. I'm coming out to the mothership. All right. Bye, everybody.