The Joe Rogan Experience - #1994 - Theo Von

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

Theo Von is a stand-up comic and podcaster. He is the host of "This Past Weekend with Theo Von."www.theovon.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. D.O. Farm, Austin, Texas. What a pop you got last night. That was a lot of pressure. That was a lot of pressure. They went crazy. One of the nice things about these shows that we do

is that no one knows who's going to be on them. These Joe Rogan and Friends shows. So it could be a surprise. You were surprised last night. Yeah. And we got video of it. Is it on the Mothership Instagram? That's actually a better name.

It should be the Mothership. Yeah, right? Oh, yeah. Look at this. Do they have a pop? All right, here we go. Oh, yeah, I love that. Keep that music on for the first comedian.

All the way from Nashville, Tennessee, D.L. Murray. Bro, you got a standing O. What's up? Crazy, dude. You spent the first 30 seconds of your set high-fiving people. Come on, son. Look at this. Look at this.

It was crazy. Some dude threw some semen up at me, I think. Real semen? Like in that movie Silence of the Lambs. Yeah, I don't know if it was real or not. Yeah, Migs, the guy locked in the cell. Yeah, I batted it down. I respectedbs. Yeah. I don't know if it was real or not. Yeah. Yeah. Mix the guy locked in the cell. Yeah. I batted it down.

I respected it. But yeah, people, dude, that was awesome, man. Thank you. Congrats. My pleasure. Congrats. Because I remember last time I was here, you just, we went and, you know, you were, you walked me through and you're like, this is where the light's going to go when you go

on. Like you had everything to it. How long ago was that? That was last July. Okay. So last July, there was that. We hadn't even raised the floors yet, right? Y'all were just talking about it.

Yeah. That was before we lowered the ceiling and raised the floors. That was. So you got in when it looked like a movie theater. It still looked like the old movie theater, right? Yeah. I think you were just talking about adjusting the floor heights and doing something like that yeah dude it was awesome i mean that was crazy that was probably that was a highlight of my that i mean that was a highlight of my life

i think i think so too because you get to be a surprise like there's not as much surprises anymore in the world you know it's true sort of to have a moment where you're like part of a surprise i think felt really yeah that's that's what it looked like yeah so that so when you were there it was all rough and everything was you know just beginning so you were there the early days it's weird to be in there now because i mean i don't want to sound crazy, but I feel like that place has always been there. It's weird. Like the club has always been there? Yeah, the club.

It's like it was waiting for us. Like a Stephen King book, for real. I've never been in a building that felt more like it was conscious. The place feels conscious. My daughter's into ghosts and shit, and she has this thing that she puts on, this headphone that's connected to some box, and someone will ask questions,

and the box will pick up random signals, and you're blindfolded and you listen to this. And so they do this to test places for for ghosts and she says that place is haunted she said the club is yeah oh i believe that i could see it being haunted probably she's also 12. well i'm older than her but i could i would agree with her probably i mean i could see there being i will say this it felt like there was some kind of, it felt, I can understand when you say like this feels like it should have been there over time in history. Like it's already like was just supposed to land there, you know? That's what it feels like.

It really does. It was cool, man. I walked into the green. It was just crazy. There's like that big snake is like in, there's like a snake in the table. Yeah. And then they had Ronon white is sitting there you know and then um tom segura was in there uh dave attell was in there louis katz um crazy and i don't know ian's last name but it was yeah dude it was awesome man and just to see it come to fruition that was the i think that's the thing that was really exciting it was like wow like if somebody thinks about

something and they're really focused on it that they can make something real you can actually make something happen yeah and i've never done that before this is the first time i've ever done that it was it was yeah i think it was inspiring probably in ways i don't even realize because sometimes you get inspired and then it just hits you later, you know? But it was awesome, man. Thank you. It was cool. My pleasure.

Yeah, you did. I mean, you, yeah, you guys are making it happen. Yeah, it's crazy. It is. Yeah, but, you know, I always kind of knew you could do something like that. But doing it, actually doing it and actually watching it take place. And doing it, like, relatively actually watching take but and doing it like relatively low stress it was relatively low stress like it's you know except for a few issues

that you have to deal with at the club it's not not not a big deal yeah you know and y'all don't have food right yeah that's a big one oh fuck food there's yeah all the condiments and all of that just stains everything and gets on everything i feel like only that you get roaches and all kinds of shit and roaches love ketchup i bet do they everybody loves ketchup yeah yeah i like ketchup on hot dogs oh dude i bet if you could really get it out of a roach if you fucking tickled him hard enough he'd tell you he liked it i like relish relish is my favorite yeah but we got food next door on both sides of us yeah they got everything shitty mexican food and shitty pizza yeah just what comics deserve too we got some good pizza last

night though they got some good i'm not eating it but uh atel got something from some high-end pizza place. Hoboken something pizza something. He's the funniest man. Yeah, they had a lot of ghost stuff. Like I grew up in Louisiana, right? And so ghosts and stuff was a big part of the history, you know, especially in the South. You know, I think. What do you think a ghost is? A ghost?

Probably just some busybody that just didn't get all their stuff done oh they were lazy when they were alive so they hang around after like you know what it's like it's like those dudes who would hang around the high school after they already graduated like what are you doing? Yeah, look at this ghost over here. Yeah, look at this ghost. Oh, they had a dude who would bring, like, who was always dating, like, an underage chick. And he'd come and, like, hand the McDonald's over the fence at our school. Oh, God. Oh, and everybody.

How old was he? Oh, everybody thought he was damn Prince Charles. Everybody thought he was, like, the luckiest guy in the world. But, yeah, he was older. He just, like like was an adult and like a 20 year old adult or like a 30 year old adult it gets exponentially creepier right like if you just graduated and you're 18 and your girlfriend is 17 that shit is completely normal yeah you know but if you're 19 and she's 17 people people start to look a little sideways. Huh, that extra 12 months makes a big difference.

If you're 20 and she's 17, people will get very upset with you, even in places where it's legal, where it is legal in a few places, which is kind of weird. Yeah, and if you are 35 and she's 17, you can't be a comedian anymore. I'll tell you that. Are you sure? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Who knows? Who knows? I don't know. But it's weird. Like what's legal versus what's okay. Like it really depends on men. Right. Because with men, like if a 17 year old boy, if, if some 40 year old lady fucks a 17 year

old boy, I'm like, all right, dude, how was it? Is she crazy? What's going on? If she's hot and he's not coerced and drugged, who cares? But if a 40-year-old man is banging a 17-year-old girl, I get very upset. Yep. Isn't that interesting? Mm-hmm.

It's a very different standard for men and women. It's a very different standard for men and women. Well, now I think a lot of women can be like, they can manipulate men too. Of course they can. They've always been able to do that. Right, but that never really kind of gets brought into context. Like a lot of older teacher women, they can manipulate a young fellow. Oh, they're getting busted all the time. They're always getting busted.

But they get this. They get, don't do that again. Hey, stop blowing kids. That's what they get. They get a little slap on the wrist. They don't go to jail. Do they go to jail for blowing kids? No.

You think they don't? No. I think they have like a little fucking trial and everything. And they go, hey, get out of here. Just get. Just go. Crazy dick sucker. Yeah. We're going to get you an Uber.

You need to go home. Unless she's trying to get the 17-year-old to impregnate her. Then you need to go to jail, you freaky bitch. Yeah, I think I'm going to. You're going to ruin some 17-year-old's life. With a kid, yeah. Well, not just a kid, a kid with you. You know, he doesn't know what's going on.

He's just trying to bust a nut. And then all of a sudden he has the responsibility of raising a child and you're making him get a job and he's going to fucking pay bills. What about his future? He's going to fail science. I know that. Why? Just because he's not going to be able to do it all. He's not going to be able to have the job and get to school and do it all and take care of the kid.

I don't think a child, you know. Well, good news is it takes nine months for the kid to come out. So you have nine months of prep time where you get your shit together. Do a lot of men you think use that time to really grow up when that's that? You think that's why God made it that long of a time period? I do not think God had men in mind when he was doing that, no. If there is a God, I think they just wanted to make sure that the baby's a complicated organ,

or complicated organism, rather. Very complicated. More complicated than any other child of any other animal that's ever been born. Human babies are the weirdest. Really? Yeah, that's why they come out so vulnerable. Every other animal comes out and they can move around. For the most part.

Although I did see a deer just a couple of days ago on my street. I was going for a walk and the mama deer bounced off a little. And I saw this little tiny baby deer squatted down and laid down in the grass. Because that's what they do when they're really, really young. Because they can't run away from anything. So their best strategy is to kind of blend in and hide. That's why they have those white dots all over their body. The white dots, like say if they're in grass, the white dots obscure their shape.

So predators might not see. And I think there's something about their smell. Google that. We finally have internet again. Google what is the smell of newborn fawns. Because I think there's like some strategy that nature has with their smell. Yeah, the baby deer has no scent. So predators that may depend on their sense of smell have difficulty finding the young deer.

The mother, always close at hand, tends to circle back towards where her baby lies to get the attention of the predator. Yeah, that's what they did with us. They're like that deer. They're like that. Oh, it's false. It says it's false. Oh, this one's, where the fuck is the first one from?

The Henderson State University. What a shit fucking university. No, go to the top. Is that where it's from? That's it. What a fucking, hey, I got my fucking degree from Henderson.

Dan Henderson. He's the principal. I asked him what baby deer smell like. He goes, what are you, a fucking douchebag smelling deers? This is false. Oh, fucking pop-up for a fucking outdoor tactical backpack. This is false.

Their unique scent is how their mothers identify them. In fact, they urinate on their tarsal glands daily even when just a few days old. Oh, they're freaks, man. They're pissing on themselves, going crazy. Elk piss on themselves when they're horny. Really? Yeah, their dick is hard, and their dick

flops up and down when they scream. They go, their dick flops, and they start pissing all over themselves. They piss all over themselves. I've never been that. Look at this guy. I've never been that horny. This dude's horny as fuck. And he's a young fella.

That's not a big elk. Even though they're big because they're all big. But that is like a smaller elk. That's like a 300 inch elk. If I had to guess. Cam Haynes might correct me.

Look at his dick though. He's got a dick. Yeah, fucking. Scratching on the ground. And he's trying to get his scent everywhere. He's got that limb on him, huh? Mm-hmm. Look, he's got his Yeah Scratching on the ground and he's trying to get his scent. I've got that limb on him. Uh-hmm He's got his dicks flopping around. He's missing all of himself. Thank God. He's laying around He's like, oh they want to fuck so bad as Joe's juice right there. I think is serving

Uh, you know, what's crazy about them? They're only horny like that for like a month. Yeah, thank God dude They would ruin a schoolyard i mean i think they do ruin if they're horny and people get stupid oh take a selfie they get fucking speared like a 700 pound super athlete i would hate having that much wiener i feel like really you don't know until you have it you just have to find the right gals no i don't know until you have it. You just have to find the right gals. No, I don't think so. You think so? I think so. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't show me this.

Don't show me this. I think this one was okay. This actually wasn't the one I was looking for. Oh, you crazy bitch. Get the fuck away from that thing. Jesus Christ. The bison kind of attacked, but it didn't keep attacking. Why are people so goddamn stupid for the gram?

You know how many people have died taking selfies? I saw this video the other day on Instagram of this lady who died taking a selfie on the side of a cliff. And can you imagine, too, the lack? Because you know what's going on. There's a moment where you realize, oh, I'm taking a selfie, and I'm going to die. No, I don't think they realize it until it's too late.

See, she was posing for a picture here and the bison sort of just said, get the fuck away from me. Yeah, he just gave her a little of that. Like, get the fuck away. Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye. Look at her. She's so uncoordinated. Yeah, she was too.

With her stupid backpack filled with fucking Capri Suns. She's falling down. Dope. Dope. Fucking potato chips in her backpack and shit Oh dude I saw a monkey And a young black woman fight over a bag of chips There's a bunch of those Monkeys will steal your shit

Cambodia yeah They don't care They will steal your shit They will run up on your table And steal your food right off your plate Fuck you Yeah Fuck you

Give me that sandwich And they just run off with it They don't care man They don't care, man. They don't care. Did you hear about, was it India where the monkeys started jacking puppies? In India, a dog killed a monkey. So these monkeys went on a rampage and started chucking puppies off roofs. They would carry puppies to the top of roofs and were like, right, fucking chuck them off the roofs.

Like a Maltese. Yeah. Monkeys blamed for hundreds of puppy deaths captured in India. So they'd bring them up to the top of a fucking building and throw them. Villagers claim animals were carrying out revenge killings after dogs killed an infant monkey. Speaking of which, have you seen what's going on with orcas? Uh-uh. So a female orca, the matriarch, the head of this female orca pack.

The head of this orca pack. When you say orcas, what are you talking about? Killer whales. Oh, damn. All right. That's an orca. God. So they started sinking boats.

And they're teaching each other how to sink boats. Apparently this boat fucked up one of these orcas. Because sometimes what happens is something will go wrong and a propeller will hit. They've happened all the time with sharks. It's happened with whales. Propellers will fuck up a dolphin or an orca. My friend Dave got pushed off a boat and he got hit by it. We went over him.

He got pushed off the front. Oh, jeez. And it fucking hit him. Where did it hit him? I'm not sure. He wasn't that great to start off with, he got pushed off the front. Oh, jeez. And it fucking hit him. I'm not sure. He wasn't that great to start off with, but it didn't help him. But I don't think it harmed him much. It helps some people.

Some people get whacked and it helps them. It helps them. Kennison and Roseanne are my two favorite examples. They both got hit by cars. Wildest people I know. Well, I don't know Kennison, but I know Roseanne real well. She got hit by a fucking car when she was 15. Bad. She was in a mental institution for nine months afterwards. That's wild. She was a straight A student. She couldn't count afterwards. She couldn't see. And Roseanne walked right into the street when she was 15 and got fucking clipped by a car from back then. You know, those big old fucking sleds. Oh, those things meant it. Capris or something like that, some giant fucking.

Those LTDs or whatever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some big ass stupid fucking car just cracked her. So this is an orca attack in portugal so they started doing this is it say the bow suddenly something hit us so this is this is from 2021 but what i'm talking about is very recently yeah no i this was in the article that was explaining it this is just an example of it like they caught on tape so it's happening quite a bit off the iberian coast. The Iberian orcas has taught

at least nine other whales to attack and destroy rudders. Wow, so it's like a Middle Eastern thing? I just think it's a thing with a particular area where the orcas in that particular area have had problems with people. I see. And so they've decided to let them know who the fuck is the boss.

Take action. Yeah, they're fucking up people's boats. It's hard to tell what's happening in the video, but they explain. Bro, I'd bring fish. I'd be like, I'm not that dude. I'm your friend. Yeah. Here's a mackerel. Here's a mackerel.

Here's a can of tuna. I would bring them. Yeah, but they might be a little upset about the can. I'd put it on a plate. I'd plate it for them. I don't think they like plates either. Oh, that's a good point. You know, an actual full mackerel is the way to go.

You know, a tuna is just for us. Like tuna fish in a can. Yeah. Isn't it weird that that one fish we decided to just fucking can up all the time, like turn into sandwiches, everything. Yeah. Like tuna salad, tuna this, tuna that. It's all tuna. Yeah, tuna really got the, it's gotten the brunt of it, huh?

Oh, my God. I bet other fish are like, oh. Thank God we're not tuna. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're like the most canned fish ever yeah right like what gets canned they can some salmon yeah but canned salmon i think is a little pricier too much more there's a really good company i forget what the

company's called but they do wild caught they all do line caught salmon so you're getting wild salmon not raised and then they can it. So it's real good for you. My sister used to have a bass that was in their house, and it was like, it couldn't even turn around in the tank. Oh, that's fucked up. I don't think it minded. I bet it did. I don't know.

Of course it did. It lived there for a long time. That's what they say to guys in solitary. I don't think he minds. Oh, yeah, that's true. He's by himself in there. Especially if it's a bass, he can't talk to him. You know, he's probably like, get me the fuck out of here.

I want to be on a lake. I want to be eating frogs, you cunt. He's just watching cops out of one eye with my sister. He's watching 90 Day Fiance. What the fuck is wrong with people? Keep me in this goddamn bowl. I'm a bass. Stupid fuck. I used a bass. Stupid fuck.

I used to have piranhas. Yeah, of course you did, man. Who doesn't think you did? I had this one house that I lived in when I was living by myself. There was like an indoor courtyard to this house. And I literally actually consulted construction people. I was going to create like a miniature Jurassic Park in this courtyard. I was going to seal it off and put crocodile monitors in and have like a little hatch where I could release a rabbit.

And watch them kill it? And watch them kill it. Yeah. But then I had like a come to Jesus moment. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah. Why do you want to do that oh i think it would be i would like to have a small something like that maybe in the home you know i did like to have in the piranhas and was that were you uh and were you was that like a goal of yours do you think or were you just like okay this

is my first place i want to design it how i want or were you just it was because that's a big thing to think about it was i first first getting money yeah first thing i got with money i got a nice car i'm like oh got a nice car now and then i was like what other shit could i have i didn't have any responsibilities back then i was 27 free yeah free as a bird and um i just was buying stupid shit you know i had three pit bulls dang bro that's sick they were great dogs though yeah they're the best dogs man well i don't say that my dog is the best dog the golden retriever they're the best pet ever they're just so full of love and they're just so but there's something about pit bulls man they're just so loyal they love you so much really you think more than a different type of dog i don't know man i don't know i wonder if we could tell i wish we could tell how much dogs love us or or not you

know my dog is like so domesticated he's so sweet and he's not like remotely threatening to anybody anybody comes over the house you're my best friend like if you come over my house tonight he'd be like theo he'd be like so happy be whining and running around you in circles and stuff he just loves everybody wow but pitbulls are like they're just they just have so much more tenacity they're so angry yeah they're just so full of fucking just raw and they just want to play and just want to They just have so much more tenacity. They're so angry. Yeah. They're just so full of fucking just raw. And they just want to play and just want to kiss you. And they're just like, they're so full of life.

Yeah, they'll fucking hug you till you're dead. Oh, when I would come home from work, my dogs would literally just jump on me. Just jump on me. I would lay on the ground. They would just swarm me and kiss me. Yeah, they almost have ground game a little bit, huh? They got a little ground game. I used to teach them. Yeah? I'd get side control on them. I'd teach them the ground. They would just swarm me and kiss me. Yeah, they almost have ground game a little bit, huh? They got a little ground game. I used to teach them.

Yeah? I'd get side control on them. I'd teach them how to hip escape. I'd be like, bro, you got to put your paw here. Got to create space. I'd get him in a rear naked choke. Y'all shrimp. I'd take his back.

He loved it. Dude, my friend, when I was working, when I was in the busboy industry a long time ago, you know, and the first gay I ever met, the first gay dude I ever met, this dude Billy Conforto. How old were you? I was probably 14, right? That was the first gay you ever met? Yeah, that ever met straight on. Was he 14 too? No, no, he was probably 30.

Was he 14 too? No, no. He was probably 30. So, and he was like the toughest gay dude. So he could like fight and he was gay. Nobody had ever seen it. That's scary for a homophobe. Oh, totally.

Some dude will fuck you up and suck your dick. That's the biggest fear. Or make you suck his. That's the crazy part. With no teeth. Yeah. He punches all your teeth out. Oh, that's got to be crazy. So that changed the game for a lot of home folks because they're like, who's this queer, you know?

Oh, dude. And then you're like, oh, if that dude knocks me out and then makes love to me, it's going to be an 0 for 2 tonight. Yeah, that's more than two points. That's like a 10-8 round. But Billy had pitbulls and he sold so weed and everything we get so high and then i would get so scared of the dogs man that i had to go outside a lot of times yeah because i couldn't he was like more um he'd be a lot more comfortable around him and stuff but i would get high and and then i would just get scared around the dogs what's the dog that can kill you that's what's crazy it's like

they're real sweet and everything and if you get a good one you train them right and raise them right they're so loyal and they're so affectionate but the power that they have is so wild yeah i mean billy would put on like an adidas track suit and make them like attack things in his yard and shit so he was like so he was training him to be like that he was was, but he also loved them, but he also was from a tough area, so there was a value in having the dogs be tough. Yeah, there's a lot of people that have that, right? They have dogs that are just protection around their house all the time. If you live in a rough area, there's no better thing than dogs.

They let you know when people are there. Everyone's scared of them. They'd rather break into a house that doesn't have dogs. Oh, a lot of people, if they didn't have a dad, they would have a dog, you know? I guess, yeah. Yeah, if you're young, yeah, you have a few dogs. The wife would get a dog a lot of times

if they didn't have a husband, I remember. But there was a lot of dangerous dogs in my neighborhood growing up. The problem is when they get loose. Oh, yeah. When you have dangerous dogs, you don't do a good job of containing them. I was always worried about my dog getting out my dog Frank Sinatra

he was He was a pit bull that was Bred for hog hunting in Hawaii there. They braid they breed him different and they bring it. They actually have longer ears It's really interesting. They're almost like Labrador ears because the whole idea is that they're picking up scent you know dogs pick up scent with their ears that's why bloodhounds have those crazy long ears really uh-huh as they're running it's like you know how you fart and you like waft up the smell like oh what is that jesus christ well dogs are doing that with their ears as they're running they're wafting up these scents. So they could pick up little minuscule particles of scents as they're wafting up.

And my pit bull had longer ears. He had ears almost like a Labrador, but he was a pure pit bull. Big fucking head, just jacked body. And he would, oh, like dogs would come, like dogs that were loose would come to the fence and fuck with him. And he would go crazy.

He just couldn't get to them and they would be fucking with him. And he would go crazy. He just couldn't get to them, and they would be fucking with him. And one dog pissed on his fence, like just lifted his leg. A Labrador came by, pissed on his fence. And so he started slamming his head into the metal bars, like his wrought iron metal bars, and he slams his head into the bar. And he's like mostly head, right? Pit bulls are like 50 head and he's just like fucking he gets his fucking head through and i hear all this noise and uh

i'm alone in the house and then i hear i hear this noise and i look out the window and i see frank with his head like wedged between the bars and I see this dog right outside the gate that was pissing and I was like oh my god he's gonna get out and so I run up to the fence and I get to him right when his ass pops through the he bent the bars

and he got out and so it's me running down the street in my socks chasing this dog Andy do Frank baby he, chasing this dog. Fucking Andy Dufranc, baby. He plowed this dog right into a pile of trash cans, right in my neighbor's trash cans. And I got a hold of his collar right before it got ugly. I'm like, motherfucker. So then I had to have another bar welded all around the perimeter of my fence to keep him from separating the bars.

So this Israeli dude came over here. And he was the welder guy, the fence guy. And he's like, what happened to your fence? And I said, the dog did it. He goes, this fucking fence? This dog bent this fucking fence with his head? I go, yeah, the dog peed out there. He goes, bro. I go, yeah, that's a crazy dog.

It's a different kind of dog. Oh, that's Mike a crazy dog. It's a different kind of dog. Oh, that's Mike Perry, dude. That's a different kind of dog. Yeah. Different kind of dog. They don't care about pain. Pain doesn't mean a fucking thing to them. They just want to get you.

Yeah. They just want to get out. Like, this dog was like, I don't think the dog was even, I think the dog was, like, being friendly. Like, he'd be like, oh, smell my pee. You know, he's a Labrador. Right. He's just, oh, smell my pee. He's a Labrador. Right, he's just goofing around. I'm like, I'll piss over here. He thought he was in a frat.

He's like, oh, I'm going to see a gal. Probably didn't even know what a pit bull was. Yeah. This dog's a lot louder than me. What's going on over here? Oh, God, that dog has a chain. I had this one neighbor that had a dog that he never trained. I mean, at all. It was basically a wild dog that he fed. It was a chain. I had this one neighbor that had a dog that he never trained. I mean, at all. It was

basically a wild dog that he fed. It was a boxer. And this dog wouldn't listen to anybody. When they'd leave him in the house, like, if they left the screen, so, like, they left the door open, the screen, the dog would just fly through the screen, just burst through the screen and go out. And then he'd come home when he was ready.

And all he just had his own, like, plan or whatever? They were just idiots. They were really frustrated. Oh, look at this dog. Is that a pit bull too? Yeah. Yeah. Look at him.

That's what he did. That's what my dog did. Oh, yeah. He bent the bars, man. Yeah, they're a different kind of animal. God. You got to really make sure that your perimeter is secure with a dog like that. But this dog was not a dangerous dog it's just a little a little boxer i think i just got so nervous i

think just like i would be so nervous around them you know and um but you should be if they're not trained well and we didn't grow up around any dogs oh you know except for like dogs that were in our neighborhood we didn't like just and they were more violent animals. We didn't have any like dogs in our home or any experience around dogs. You know, I remember first time I ever even met an indoor dog. It was, I didn't know a dog could even be indoors. Right. And I was at my buddy Scott's house and they had a golden retriever. And this bitch came around the corner, dude.

And I was like, who in the fuck is that? I mean, it was like the most beautiful thing. I mean, it was just like... Fluffy and gorgeous. Fucking long blonde hair. It was like Suzanne Somers who just come in. And I was like, damn, that thing is fucking

fine, you know? Suzanne Somers. I had just never seen a dog look like they had gotten a good night's sleep, you know? Remember Suzanne Somers with the Thighmaster a dog look like they had gotten a good night's sleep. Remember Suzanne Somers with the Thighmaster? Yeah. All she had was this spring that just tightened up your pussy muscle. Because that's what you're doing. It's not squatting for your butt.

It's not lunges. You're just tightening up them pussy muscles. You're going to squeeze that dick, squeeze that dick, squeeze that dick. That thing's going to gleek by the time you get done with it, dude. See if you can find the ad for the Thighmaster. A lot of ladies bought that, too, because they wanted to look like Suzanne Somers. Look, it's just a spring.

She's still looking good. She's like a thousand years old. Oh, yeah. She still looks really good in my head. One of the biggest blunders in all of television, though. Her and Three's Company. Three's Company. That was a great show.

What happened to it? Crazy negotiations. She wanted more money. She was demanding more money because she had become a giant star. And so they basically relegated her to, she wasn't even

on the show anymore. Like, there was one episode where she made a phone call and she called them. Like, she was on vacation. And that was her in the episode her and some totally different location calling them on the phone wow and then they eventually replaced her yeah i remember they got a new woman i think it was like you know she got an aggressive agent it might have been a husband one of those deals yeah i was like i got this i'm

gonna fucking you deserve more money yeah it's just like what happened with Call Her Daddy. That's a similar situation. You know the Call Her Daddy podcast? Oh, yeah, yeah. Alex, what's her name? Colin, no. Cooper. Alex Cooper, yeah.

Her name is Stephanie. She had a co-host. Right. And the co-host had a boyfriend who was an agent. Something Franklin. Sophia Franklin? Is that it? You got it.

And then Portnoy told us the whole story. Oh, he did? Yeah. It was like the dude thought that she's going to be this, she's a fucking star. You need to pay her more. And they had a deal. The deal's a deal. She wanted more.

And then there was negotiations. Yeah. Her husband. Yeah. So her husband, former television producer Alan Hamill, went to negotiate for her asking for $150,000 a week, which was the average that men were earning on television at the time. Okay, it's not television. That's like saying, well, brain surgeons make this, and I'm a plumber, so I deserve it.

And on par with what her co-star Ritter was making, John Ritter, she said she didn't know at the time that Ritter was making more since the three of them had a favored nations clause. What does that mean again? Favored nations, I think, is like chair. What is it? It's in. I thought that means you all make the same amount. Yeah.

Is that what it means? No, I think it's a Inuit thing, isn't it? No, no, no, no. That's First Nation MFN provision is a term including a contract for products or services that prevents the seller from selling its products or services to the buyers competitors for a lower price or on better terms oh I thought this bitch was a Choctaw dude. I didn't know what they were talking about favored nations contract I want what she's getting favored nations

You know agents will ruin a lot of stuff and oh god. Yeah, it's unfortunate, huh? Yeah, omnipresent and entertainment contracts Certainly is fair the post exposes Omnipresent in entertainment contracts. Certainly gets its fair share. The poster exposes... The favored nations clause is relatively simple to describe. They're a contractual commitment that no other relevant party will receive better or more advantageous terms from the party making the commitment. That makes sense. So if you and I were doing a show, we would have a favored nations deal where we both make exactly the same amount of money, which is fair.

So she probably didn't know that he was getting paid because John Ritter was a giant star at the time. Yeah, and that is, oh yeah, John Ritter. Yeah, John Ritter. He was incredible. He did an episode of News Radio. Did he really? Yeah, yeah, he was cool, man.

So that was them back in the day, man. It was a great fucking show. He was so talented. The fucking, some guy ruined it. Didn't he do noises off that movie too what was that noises off i don't know what that is that a deaf movie i don't know dude i'll tell you this one time i was walking down the street in new york and they had a deaf group or whatever like a gaggle or whatever i don't know what it's called but they got together and they were outside

of a bar talking and i'm walking up and i'm like, I thought maybe the world had shut off or something and I couldn't hear because I'm seeing all these people interacting but there was no sound. And I get close and... Here it is, Noises Off. I've never seen this. I don't even know.

What is Noises Off? I do recognize that scene with Christopher Reeves. Oh, I thought John Rutter was in this. Yeah, he is, he is, he is. He is. They're doing a theatrical play, but it's a movie. Yeah, it's a movie. Oh, I thought John Ritter was in this. Yeah, he is. He is. He is. He is. They were doing a theatrical play, but it's a movie. Yeah, it's a movie. Oh.

It's like one shot. It never ends or something. Oh, interesting. Okay. But, um. Hmm. All right. Is it good?

Yeah. Something to check out? It's an old movie, yeah. He was a real sweet guy. He was real. Everybody loved him. He was on the set of News Radio for a week and just a super nice guy. Sometimes you meet people and you hope they're going to be nice because they're nice on TV, but they're not.

Yeah. And it's really frustrating. It's weird. Like they're creepy to you or they're shitty to you because you're an actor and you're like, oh, wow, you're kind of a cunt. You're a fake. And you're like, oh, wow, you're kind of a cunt. You're fake. You're faking it for television, but in real life, you're like this weird, snipey, sort of shitty, fucking insulting person.

I met a few of those, too. Yeah? Yeah. It was very frustrating. Because you're like, God, I thought you were nice. I saw you on TV. You were nice. I'm just trying to say hi, and you're a fucking cunt to me.

Yeah. Yeah, we were supposed to, Michael Landon was supposed to come to our town. Aquaman. No, it wasn't Aquaman. The man from Atlantis. Was he? Yeah. I didn't see that.

Was he on Little House on the Prairie? Yeah. I think he was on The Man from Atlantis too, wasn't he? Good boy. I remember a little. Everybody would swim

like the man from Atlantis when I was a kid. Really? Swim like this because he swam almost like a dolphin. He didn't swim like a person. Well, dude, you have to think the first people.

Wasn't him? No. No? Who was it? Who was the man from Atlantis? Who was the main actor? It was more like Patrick Duffy. Patrick Duffy.

That's right. I confused those two. Well, Joe, you have to think probably the first people. Oh, wow. That dude. You ever saw this? Man from Atlantis? Uh-huh.

Yeah, that guy's got a hard drive. Who's that? He needs to be investigated. That dude, yeah. Wow, that dude. You ever saw this? Man from Atlantis? Yeah, that guy's got a hard drive. Who's that fucking? He needs to be investigated. Yeah, that was the Man from Atlantis. Oh, really? Yeah, it was like a big show. Bro, this is like-

1977 and 1978. Jesus Christ, it only went one year. Yeah, it was a big show. All right. It was huge. Yeah, I think he just liked this show for some reason. He would swim real funny, man. See if you can find a man from Atlantis swimming.

Because he would swim in this weird way. And so when I was a kid, me and my friends, when we would go swimming, we would fucking copy the man from Atlantis. I still swim like that to this day sometimes. When I'm swimming in the pool. Like that. See how he swims? What? Nobody swims like that. You swim like a fish this day sometimes. When I'm swimming in the pool. Like that. See how he swims? What?

Nobody swims like that. He swam like a fish, man. Watch. Bro. But look how fast he swims. Nobody can fuck with him. He swam like a dolphin, bro. That's impossible.

This is stupid. Look, he jumped up. Did he grab a fish? Oh, this is a horrible show. He jumped up better than the dolphin did. Totally made sense. This is all. Bro, he's touching her tit. What's going on there? Oh, he had webbed fingers. Oh, this is a horrible show. He jumped up better than the dolphin did. Totally made sense. This is all. Bro, he's touching her tit.

What's going on there? Oh, he had webbed fingers. Oh, he did? Yeah, he had webbed fingers. Oh, I'd hate that. Did he talk? Good if you were swimming. Yeah, he talked.

Yeah, but trying to get a mitten on would just fucking... That would suck. God, it would be crazy. Mitten would be easy. Glove would be the real problem. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, mitten would be great. Mittens are really the move man

unless you i mean take your fucking glove off you need to use your fingers like how good are your fingers working when you have a glove on very bad yeah but mittens your shit stays warm all them little fingers nuzzling up against each other keeping each other warm you know i'll even pull the i'll open the end and be like, y'all have fun tonight, boys. Because they're having a blast. They're having a good time in there. It's a little warm party. Dude, that's why sometimes I think like, I would hate to have like one of those long wieners.

Like, what were we looking at? The elk? Yeah. You keep going back to that. Well, you have to think though, while I was trying to figure out what our conversation was we were talking about. But think how much wiener isn't in the recipient. Right. There's a certain amount of dick that is a problem.

Like if you have a 12-inch dick, you're an idiot. How many people can enjoy that 12-inch dick? Like how many girls? Probably more guys can take it. You probably might have to go gay. Because guys can take some preposterous dick. Yeah, that's ainch dick. Like, how many girls? Probably more guys can take it. You probably might have to go gay. Because guys can take some preposterous dicks. Ugh. Yeah, that's a duck dick. Ducks have the craziest dicks.

What? Ducks have dicks that are as long as their body. Oh, my God. They're just corkscrewy. Well, ducks are rapists, by the way. And the female duck does not want that. So the female duck's vagina is not like a straight shot. It's like a fucking labyrinth.

You got to find your way through the passage. And it's got spikes on it. See the little spikes all over the duck dick? Yeah. Ducks are horrible. When they get a female duck, they rape them. They bite them, and then they just fucking. And so the female duck can allow the male duck in or not in.

She can stop the process of it. That's why they have these corkscrew dicks. Like nature has invented. Oh, to make it through. Yeah, this fucking. Like when you're trying to get your hand into a vending machine. Look at the duck vagina and then look at the duck dick. See, even the duck vagina is all curly and twisty.

It's not a straight shot. So for the female to let the male and she has to want to breed it seems like neither one of them wants to have sex with the other one they definitely do but the way they do it is awful like uh i've seen it at like uh like a pond it's like you just go jesus should i step in here yeah should i there? You see that guy? Guy got arrested because he helped a bison, a baby bison, and they wound up euthanizing it. The mother wouldn't accept it, I guess. There was a baby bison at Yellowstone,

and it was having a hard time crossing something. And so this guy got out and helped it. I didn't see it. Yeah, that's it right there. Oh, look at that pervert. Look at him. He's a nice guy. He was just trying to help the baby bison.

So because it was touched, I guess the female just didn't want it anymore. Because it had the scent of the guy, which is fucking weird. That says the herd rejected it. The herd rejected it. What scent? Like Winston's? Well, it smelled humans, yeah. He's got fucking cheeseburger smell on his fingers and shit. his fingers for sure for sure look at him winston's camels no filters

he's probably good what did he smell like abba albums and paul mauls yeah exactly what's on his fingers but no i think i would hate that man If you had a long wiener, right? Right. Think of how much wiener is... Not in there. Yeah. And just like being in the cold, you know? Your dick would get cold? Well, I just think, like, you ever been in, like, a sleeping bag or whatever and your

feet are hanging out the bottom? Right. Your dick would be out in the cold. Yeah, it's like... The base of your dick would be so lonely. Ugh. The base of your dick would get no attention. It would be like...

Yeah. Plus, it would probably be annoying for a girl. Like, The base of your dick would get no attention. It would be like, ugh. Yeah. Plus, it would probably be annoying for a girl. Like, I like dick. What is this stupid fucking giant dick that hurts?

Yeah, this never-ending dick. It's like watching a long movie, I bet. You're like, ugh. You ever watch a porno

where a girl is sucking a guy's dick and it's just ridiculous? It's just like sucking this microphone. It's too big. Yeah, it's crazy.

That poor guy. The poor girl and poor guy. They must both be frustrated. Yeah, it's crazy. That poor guy. The poor girl and poor guy. They must both be frustrated. Yeah, it's just like watching something. I don't know. A lot of it sometimes for me seems like. Man with world's biggest penis stuns host with explicit pic.

Phillip and Josie react to the world's biggest penis. 13 and a half inches. Whoa. His name is Jonah Fallon, New York actor. Wow. Let me see this dude. I don't want that. I just.

That's the guy? Oh, my God. That's him, huh? Yeah. See, that's the kind of dick that you have. Ooh, look at that wand on him, homie. That's a hog. My God, boy.

Dang, dude. Imagine getting directions from that guy. So he's showing it to them. Scroll down. So there, boy, dang, dude. Imagine getting directions from that guy. So he's showing it to them, scroll down, so there, he shows it to them. That's his hog. Look at her. He just showed him his cock. I think he's saying it's about as big

as that thing. Yeah, that makes sense. Thirteen and a half inches. But who wants that? I just feel like if you had that much, I would just hate it. And say if you're walking to the restroom or something, if you have. Yeah, that makes sense. 13 and a half inches. But who wants that? I just feel like if you had that much, I would just hate it. And say if you're walking to the restroom or something, if you have a cat, that cat's going to attack that bitch every time. Probably if you're naked.

Meow. You're not a chance. It's a dangling little cat toy. Oh, dude. You have to basically hold your dick up like this when you walk over to the bathroom. You can't walk around in it. Oh, that's like guys with inflated balls.

132-pound scrotum. Yeah, that's just a disease, though, right? Yeah, but same problem that he's explaining. But it's a much worse problem because it's a cancerous sack. What is that? It's like my 300-pound inmate or whatever. What makes their balls grow up that big? What do they do about those, by the way?

Because more than one dude has had his balls... Yeah, it's called scrotal lymphedema. Edema. I don't think I want to look up pictures of this. Yeah, you do. You definitely do. But let's get some smelling salts in the system first. Oh, you want to? Yeah. We're going to look up giant scrotums getting operated on.

Let's fire up. Oh, Jesus. Let's fire up. Let's fire up. Let's go. You first. Oh, man. I's fire up. Let's fire up. Let's go. All right. You first. Oh, man. I've been waiting for this. Woo! He requested this, ladies and gentlemen. Here comes Santa Claus.

Right down Santa Claus Lane. Take a sniff. Ready? Hit it. Those are dead. Is it dead? They got way too deep. I think.

That could be the older one, and this could be the newer one, but even still, it's only supposed to last for like a week or two after you open it. This is not good. This one don't work. Time to order some. We should always have some on hand. Oh, got them. Got them.

Got them. I thought it was going to be dead, and it wasn't. That must be our most recent one. So let's chuck this one. Okay. And let's order some. We'll order like five more. I mean, I had three.

I think we've used Here we go Okay, here we go boy Fuck yeah, boy. It's not fresh, but it's good enough, but it's strong yeah That's good this is my high man that works this guy did it to his eyes why'd he do it to his eyes all right maybe it he's trying to did he get rocked no he's trying to wake up to go play probably he might have gotten rocked i don't know i'm gonna bring those to the comedy club yeah i'm gonna take a blast before I go on stage. Whoa. Is that Tkachuk? I'm going to take a blast right before I go on stage.

Dude, you know where I got to? Oh, wow. That'll wake you right the fuck up. One thing that... Yeah, I think there's something about that people have an extra wiener that makes me angry. Keep going back to that. Makes you angry? Like, the world's not fair. That's how flat-chested girls feel when other girls walk by with giant tits.

Yeah. That's a big one, right? Because if you're just born with giant tits, you just hit the genetic lottery. And every guy loves big tits. They all love them. They have no use for them. They just want to squeeze them. They just want to suck on them. Some of them are so

big, though. Yeah, you can get too big, just like a dick. And you're just like, God, get off. You could be like that Canadian teacher that teaches woodshop class with giant rubber tits on. That shit is where woke hits its final destination. Dude,

the crazy part is, that guy looks like Tim Dillon if you just put a regular picture of him. Oh yeah, because he's like not really trans. It's a scam. So let's see what the operation is on this guy Saccaroni. Oh boy. That's the improvement. Look at the improvement.

The improvement is what's on the right. Oh, he had a nut in his legs. It's a blockage of lymph nodes, obviously. I guess your nut will back up into your legs. Damn. So it goes to his legs. Oh, Jesus Christ. And what do they do to drain it?

Oh, look at that one. It's like necrotic. Look at the far left. Oh, no. Look at that. Look at his butt. Look at his butt. Oh, yeah. Click on that.

It's like his skin is dying. Oh, Jesus. How long do you have to like his skin is dying. Oh, Jesus. How long do you have to wait before you go see a doctor? I mean, for real. That seems like a little bit of putting off. Yeah, that guy's turning into a tortoise, it looks like. That guy's got that hang green on him.

That's him. He got better. Some dudes just, oh, he did get better. Look at him. Congratulations, sir. But imagine just bringing a bag in and people are like, what's in the bag? You're like, my nuts are. But hold on. It looks like they stuffed his nuts up into his stomach. Yeah.

Look. Like in the left one, he doesn't have a big belly. In the right one, maybe as soon as he could get out, he just started eating like a pig. It's like, finally. Well, I'm sure once you can go out, you want to go enjoy yourself. You want to go to. I guess. But wouldn't you like concentrate on cleaning up your fucking health? Obviously, you got something real wrong yourself, you want to go to... I guess. But wouldn't you, like, concentrate on cleaning

up your fucking health? Obviously, you got something real wrong. So what does it say here? This is how it started. Over the next nine months, every six days or so, he would experience what he felt like, a sensational carpet burn in his groin, then severe cold and shaking, followed by his scrotum growing

uncontrollably larger and larger. It got so bad one day that I stood in my living room and cried, he said. There was a fresh breakage of the skin, and it stunk to no end. Oh, man, he's getting fucking stretch marks on his ball sack. You ever had like where your toe connects to your foot, and it kind of will crack right there? Yeah, all the time. Imagine like that happens on your nuts.

That would hurt so bad. Yeah, because where your toe connects like that happens on your nuts. That would hurt so bad. Yeah, because when your toe connects to your foot, kickboxing, I would always get those. Always. That's the worst. Because you're pushing off with such extreme force with your toes, and your skin gets dry, and things get cracked, and I was always getting slices down there. Yeah, I hate it. I hate that.

It sucked because you're walking around and your feet hurt. Yeah, and you kind of have to walk like this. You get used to it, but in the beginning you kind of have to just walk like this. Yeah. What else were we talking about? Dicks. Big dicks. Big old dicks. Yeah, because also people are starving in another country

and you got this big old dick all on you. Right, and you're fat. Yeah. That guy, that actor, he's eating well with his giant hog. Do you think, like, 13 1⁄2 inches, I would imagine girls, like, don't swipe right on you. Is swipe right good? What is it when you choose yes? Is swiping right?

I'm not on the apps. Swipe. Swipe right, yeah. Right. So I bet if you say, by the way, I have a 13 1⁄2-inch dick, girls will be like, I don't want that. Yeah. Who wants that? I think a lot of women would want to see it. So it's almost like say, by the way, I have a 13 and a half inch dick, girls will be like, I want that. Yeah. Who wants that?

I think a lot of women would want to see it. So it's almost like come back to my place, come back to my new house, come see this. Giant dick. Yeah, or like the animals that you made. Come see my Ferrari. Right. Like what was that den you were going to make with the animals? Yeah, like a terrarium.

Yeah, come see my terrarium. And then you go on the other side of the terrarium and, like, put your dick in, like, a little hole. And then you let a gerbil loose in there. Jesus Christ. Nothing happens, but she keeps thinking the wiener's going to get the little, get that gerbil, baby. He's on the wrong website making money. I just looked him up. He's got a cameo, but he's definitely been OnlyFans, right?

Maybe he doesn't want people to see his dick. He's still an actor. Maybe he's still trying to make it out in that world. That's the hardest world to make it in, man. In acting? Because they don't have to pick you. You could be amazing. And some shitty casting agent, some shitty director. They might not like you

They might you might remind them of an ex-boyfriend. They might think you're too confident or they might be playing power trip games. Yeah There's too much and there's an all in nepotism too. It seems like in that industry Oh, yeah, it's a lot of like you see so many people get opportunities where you're like man did that person really? Or was there were opportunities where their family was involved you know it's it's family involved but in more cases it's networking yeah it's like they they go they i dated a girl was an actress when i first came here and she always was networking she's like i have to go to this party i have to meet these people i have to know these casting people i have to know these and i. I have to know these. And I'm like, oh. And she would go around them and be so fake.

Oh, my God, I love your dress. Like, that kind of shit. And you're like, oh, it's exhausting. Because it's one thing if someone's, like, super complimentary. Yeah. And they have nothing to gain for it. Like, dude, I love your shoes. Where'd you get those?

And you know it's pure. Yeah. It's nice. It's like, oh, thanks, man. Yeah, I like your hat. I like your arms or whatever. Or someone's complimentary of you look at you handsome motherfucker Yeah, it's nice. It's it's it's complimentary for no reason

But there's something gross about when you know someone that I know this girl This is not how she is right? She's kissing everybody's ass just to just appear nicer Like maybe they'll think about her when a role comes up. And so that forms their opinions on things too because that forms their political opinions because they find out what the political opinions of the casting people and the executives, which is always left-leaning.

Unless you're on Yellowstone, you better be wearing a fucking pride flag or something. You have to be 100% progressive, liberal-leaning, left-leaning. And so these people alter their opinions of the world based on what is going to get them closer to the honeypot. Yeah. You know? Oh, yeah.

I think it's amazing that all of Hollywood has the same political beliefs. All. Except Yellowstone, that Taylor Sheridan guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. He seems like an interesting guy. Have you met him? No. I've connected with him on text messages.

He's friends with Whitney. But I admire that guy. And his shows are fucking amazing. People love him, dude. Yeah. And his movies, too. He made that, what was that fucking movie, the bank robbery movie with, was Jeff Bridges in it? God damn it, it's good.

I know the movie. You know who I want to meet? Hell or High Water? Hell or High Water. That's it. And Sicario. God damn, he made Sicario? Oh shit.

Really? Sicario 2 kind of sucked. Was Sicario with... Benicio Del Toro. Oh no. I'm thinking of something else. Benicio Del Toro. I love that dude, no. I'm thinking of something. Benicio del Toro. I love that dude.

Yeah. He seems like a cool motherfucker. Well, Spanish people always seem cool, I think, because it's neat to say their name. Benicio del Toro. Yeah. Yeah. He's just cool. Benicio del Toro.

I remember when he was in... Secretariat. He was in the Johnny Depp movie about Hunter S. Thompson. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Oh, that was the movie back then. He played the attorney. Oh, that was a great movie. We can't stop here.

This is bad. Yeah, there he is. He got fat for that movie, too. Wow. Yeah. That was a fucking great movie. That movie makes me want to do drugs. Oh, God, dude.

Makes you want to do drugs and go to Vegas. Ugh. Fun fucking times He was also the werewolf to receive him in the wolfman love you can see him looking at his eyes right there until he was He was good in the wolfman the wolfman was kind of a cornball movie It was like a combination of CGI and like real like Rick Baker style makeup Which is pretty cool. The Wolf Man?

You never saw it? No. Find the scene where Benicio Del Toro transforms into the werewolf. Because there's a scene when they've got him bolted down to a chair in an operating room. Give me some volume on this. Because these dudes, they think he's insane his first small step down the long road to mental recovery. Skip ahead here. Yeah, no, this is good. He suffered quite traumatic personal experiences.

He witnessed his mother's self-mutilation. His young mind, unable to accept it, created a fantastical truth. That his father is to blame. That Nicolas Cage? No. You will not become a werewolf. That's how they did medicine back then. In a theater. Isn't that weird? That's how they did operations. Wow. Wow. No sedatives.

He's got something to say to them. Stop it. Stop it. Speak up, Mr. Talbot. Forgive me, but we can't hear you. You moron. Tonight I will kill all of you. Forgive me, but we can't hear you Uh oh. Oh man. Oh! This is badass.

It's a great scene. The movie's eh, but this scene is fucking dope. Wow. Uau! Oh, dang. Oh, look at that pervert, huh? Is that David Spade? Ugh! That's crazy, man. It's a good scene. Yeah, it is really good.

But you see, he was like kind of half goofy. Yeah. It was like half a werewolf, half a fucking man, some CGI, like this is CGI. It was good, though, I thought. It's pretty good. It looks really good. What time period was this? This was a few years ago.

Oh, okay. This was like 2011, 2010. Dude, remember Swamp Thing? Yeah, I forgot about Swamp Thing. I used to read the comic books. Really? I never even comics swamp thing dude in our area people were so excited because it was louisiana you know people were like fuck yeah dude the swamp is back you know people like we got this we can do it we could do it we're heroes now yeah you could you'd see people's dads telling them don't you want to be like swamp things really? Really? Yeah, like people were just. That was the big hero of Louisiana?

People were fired up. There was a movie, Swamp Thing, wasn't there? I'm Googling now. There's a bunch of recent stuff, but I can't tell how much of it's like. Yeah, here, I have it on YouTube. That was the old movie. That was the original movie. It seems this is four years ago, DC Universe original.

Oh, I think that's animated. That was the one it looks like I think. Wes Craven. But I don't know if someone just typed his name in to get attention. I think Wes Craven did direct The Swamp Thing. Swamp Thing was good, though. Not long ago, in the unexplored regions of an unmapped swamp, the creative genius of one man collided with another's evil dream,

and a monster was born. And Louisiana was back on the map. Yeah, Wes Craven fell. Swamp Thing. I like to dream of Dun, dun, dun While I ride between the summer sheets Yeah, sick.

And Swamp Thing's just riding a truck. Yeah, yeah. I'm crazy. Did you ever interview Willie Nelson? Do you ever interview him? No, I would love to interview Willie Nelson. I don't think I interview people. I think I just talk to them. That's a good point, yeah. Sorry, did you ever just talk to Willie Nelson? No love to interview Willie Nelson. I don't think I interview people. I think I just talk to them.

That's a good point. Yes, all right. Do you ever just talk to Willie Nelson? No, it's okay. But people have said that, like about, I love your interview. And I'm always like, I mean, kind of, sort of. It's really just a conversation. Well, some people, I think, if you're curious on information from them,

then you want to ask them more things like about that they know about that you don't know about. Oh, yeah, for sure. Like if I'm talking to Michio Kaku or you know a quantum physicist or someone I ask questions I'm essentially interviewing them and Live especially it's something that I really have no understanding of yeah. Yeah, but for the most part. I'm just talking to people Yeah, which is like takes a lot of pressure off to cuz they're like what subjects you want to cover I'm like, I don't know. Let's just talk. Yeah.

Some people are weirded out by that. You and I, we've known each other so long. We don't have to talk about what we're going to talk about. We just get in here and start rolling. Yeah, it's a little easier, too. I think it gets easier, too, when you've been in here before. Yeah. It's weird when you see people for the first time.

And you see them lock up, and they're nervous. And I'm always just like I'm gonna hold your hand we're gonna get through this I'm gonna get you 20 minutes in and you're gonna not even know you're here have you had people that really locked up yeah yeah yeah I've had people get real nervous and you see them breathing funny and they they can't talk that good because they can't get breath you know and but it's it's okay I always just like let's just let's calm this thing down yeah we're gonna be all right it's pretty normal i think some people trying something new but it's

just weird the the numbers that's what weirds people out the numbers of humans that that freaks people out like you can't it's hard to just be yourself in front of millions of people yeah but you can and you do it i do it we do it yeah you can. And you do it, I do it, we do it. Yeah. You can just be yourself. You are the same fucking dude if you and I are going, having dinner somewhere, or if we're at a comedy club, or if we're here.

Yeah. The same dude. Some people can't do that. They have to, like, put on a persona when they're talking. You know, they get weirded out. Yeah, I think sometimes that's interesting. Do you find that when you're doing podcasts? you know, they get weirded out. Yeah, I think sometimes that's interesting. Like, um...

Do you find that when you're doing podcasts? I find, uh... I think sometimes I'm like, which me is kind of showing up more today? That might sound a little fucking... Oh, no, I know what you mean by that. But, like, am I, like, a little agitated today? Am I feeling, like, goofy?

Am I having, you know, kind of what's going on? Like, am I a little curious today am I a little like uh inquisitive you know just which which part of me is kind of at the surface sometimes at the moment you know I had a revelation the other night that I forgot about I was on mushrooms and um I closed my eyes and I realize that in certain circumstances, when I'm healthy, when I'm, when everything's going great, I have a very specific frequency. It's a different frequency. And this, this weird revelation that I had while I was high told, showed me this. It was like, it was almost like a lesson that I was learning. And it was like, here's you now. You're very healthy. You just had an IV vitamin drip that day. I'd worked out. I did the cold plunge, did the sauna. No conflicts.

No problem in my personal life. No problem in my business life. Everything was beautiful. And I had this like, and then it showed me there's times where you don't have that, where you're irritable, where you're tired, where you're sick, where you're hurt. There's all these different frequencies that you have. And it made me realize, like, you think about your health and you think about, like, how you feel and whether or not you're present. You think it is just like it's better to just be this way. But you don't realize that you're achieving a certain frequency

I was achieving a certain frequency at that moment and I realized like this is attainable and this is what I should strive for And then I could stay at this frequency But one of things it was telling me is to don't drink It was like right when I was there's like don't drink because if you're drinking right now You're gonna you're gonna kill this frequency. It's gonna dull it Like you might have less inhibitions, but it will dull this frequency. Wow. It was very interesting. It was like one of them weird mushroom moments.

Yeah. Where the mushroom's like, hey, this is probably something you should think about. Because I don't think you think about it this way. You're just indulgent. You do this, you do that. You have a slice of pizza. You eat a meatball sub. But what's going on with your overall energy when you do that?

You really want your energy to be at the best possible state, but you don't think about it that way. Right. Yeah, you don't think about it exactly like that way, but we do think about it in ways like our attitude. We have little words we use to describe kind of like elements of it, I guess. Yeah. But I wonder in the future if there will be a way that we can measure whatever that frequency is like sometimes it feels like we're kind of primitive in the understand and the like the quantifying of like we take our temperature you know

like just in things that we blood pressure yeah in little things that we used to evaluate us sometimes I feel like we're on a plane that feels really old sometimes like there should be like another plane where we start to like is there a number for what my frequency is today because you kind of feel that it's like where you operate at and yeah and there are things you can do to keep like i i keep earplugs in now for like the first hour and a half of my day right and it just keeps a lot of excess like noise in the first hour and a half yep keeps them out i'm able to go through the things that i want to go through at home so how do you what do you do when you wake up you just put them in i keep them i i i sleep with them in do you yeah you sleep with earphone

earplugs yeah i think i've heard everything that you can hear at night you know for a while i was scared i was gonna miss something or if something happened but i Yeah, I think I've heard everything that you can hear at night. You know, for a while I was scared I was going to miss something or if something happened. But I think it's like, dude, I'm not, they're not doing anything new at night that I wouldn't be able to just imagine is going on. Yeah, I don't think there's a new invention of nighttime activities. Yeah. So I got them in, and I'll keep them in, man. And I go through like my morning routine, and it's like.

What is your morning routine? I pray right when i wake up um do you have a specific prayer yeah just a serenity prayer you know grant me the serenity um to accept the things i cannot change the courage to change the things i can the wisdom to know the difference um and then sometimes i do like a one other prayer and then, uh, read like these couple of pages of like, um, that give me like an help me to look at my day from afar. Like, what am I going to do today? So that helps me like have a little bit more of a plan for my day. Even if it's not a strict plan, it's like, at least I'm looking at my day instead of

feeling like my day is just like happening to you. Yes. And so that those little things like that help me. And then I'll do 10 minute meditation. And then I do 10 minutes where I just write just whatever is going on in my head. And do that every day. Yep. How long you be doing that?

I've been doing that probably pretty solid for, I would say. I don't know maybe three months but I've done pieces of that for probably five years what started all that out doing sober stuff like you get into some of that world you know

but I think also just like seeing how meditation gives me a little bit detached from myself. So then I'm not like just clinging to everything that happens. So it doesn't affect me immediately. Something can happen and there's a little bit of space between me and whatever's happening. And that gives me a chance to look at it or manage a little bit more comfortably.

Yeah. That's a problem with getting caught up in the momentum of your day. I do find myself in that spot sometimes. I don't have that specific of routine as you do but maybe it's a good idea yeah for me I need it some people they can operate differently you know I think for me it helps to have a little bit of what's going on I remember watching this Kobe Bryant interview where he's talking about the first ten minutes of every day when he wakes up he meditates ten minutes every day hmm so he has like a clear path forward from the day he gets his

day started off with the right mindset and that dude was all about mindset yeah mama mindset you know that dude is like the that was he was the embodiment of hard work and discipline you know and an accomplishment and that was his way of starting off every day yeah that's i think yeah i think also it gives me something. I kind of look forward to it a little bit the more I do it. I look forward to that time that I spend. But I'll leave those earplugs in, man, until I have to take them out, until something comes along.

Do you live in a noisy place? I live in sometimes a place that has some noise. You live in an apartment or a house? Yeah, I have a house in Nashville, place that has some noise. You live in an apartment or a house? Yeah, and I have a house in Nashville, but I have an apartment. It's still my old apartment in Los Angeles. Yeah. It's a little noisy.

Yeah, it gets noisy. L.A.'s noisy. You can always hear something. You can hear somebody. How often do you go back to L.A.? Like four months out of the year. Do you get sad? Let me think what I get. There's things that I miss.

You know, I miss at the store. I miss seeing Coco Diaz over there. Yeah, the store. Yeah, you walk up on him and his eyes light up. Hey, cocksucker. That's what I love about the club that we have, that sign that says, Get It Together, Bitch. Yeah, that's funny.

That's Joey. Oh, that's who says that. Yeah, Joey used to always say that to us. He was so happy when he saw thatey yeah oh that's who says that yeah joey used to always say that to us he was so happy when he saw that oh that's cool dude oh that's awesome because that was like his thing yeah you were about to go on stage he's firing you up like get it together bitch let's go rock these motherfuckers bro yeah there's something about yeah that like bro he came into town and murdered. Did he?

He murdered. He only wanted to do one set. He was supposed to do two shows. He's so funny, man. He's like a reluctant killer. Because he hasn't been doing that much stand-up, you know, because he's living in New Jersey. And it was a 7 o'clock show. He goes, I'll do the 10.

I'll do the 10. I go, get the fuck out of here. You're here, man. I go, go up. Go up. And he went up and fucking lit those people on fire. The pop that he got was just like the pop that you got, but maybe even a little crazier. The pop when Joey got on stage, they were like, no way.

Yeah. Because he's only been there once. Oh, it's like seeing Santa. Yeah. That's how they did with Chappelle, too. When I brought Chappelle up at the club the first time, they went fucking ape shit. They couldn't believe it. Oh, I bet.

How is Dave Chappelle here? How is this real? Oh, dude. I remember watching Joey Diaz He's the I would find myself get when he would when his music would come on Whatever Whenever that would come on I would literally without even doing it. I would be out of my seat Yeah, I would be so excited my seat. Yeah. I would be so excited. He's the most watched comic by other comics. Interesting. I would imagine. Don't you think? If you knew that Joey was going up in the OR, you'd go and have a seat in the back.

Always. Yeah, because you're going to see something, you know. Some crazy shit's going to happen. He's all fired up. He's going to say the words we're not supposed to say. He's on 500 milligrams of edibles. Yeah, dude. Bro, when he, one time I went over there,

and it was him and Lee Syatt, you know, when he's got Lee over there, like, and he would just, like, Lee's on, like, 70,000. The flying Jew. He turned Lee Syatt into a fucking total edible head. Oh, dude, Lee was a fucking... He would fall asleep while he's producing the show. He's producing the show.

There's a video of it, of him producing the show. He's producing Joey's show, and he's like this. Bro, well, here's what happened. Out cold. Here's what happened. One time, I get there, and I was like, hey, I think I hear a little whistling in the headphones. And Lee's like, oh, I'm trying to figure it out.

So Lee's trying to figure it out. By the like trying to figure it out by the end he's eating so many edibles and Lee was literally sitting there he's like it was him by the end in the beginning it wasn't it was some other thing but we like

we manifested our own destiny bro what's the matter Lee you got a video of him falling asleep he's not asleep We manifested our own destiny, bro. What? You got a video of him falling asleep? Let's go. He's not asleep. I just saw that. I just saw that.

You saw the devil. You saw the devil. Shake him off. Shake him up. Shake him up. Shake him up. Shake him. Well, at least I met the devil.

Right there. Yeah, bro. He tortured people. Oh, dude. What met the devil. Right there. Yeah, bro. He tortured people. Oh, dude. Dude, one time we were- Schizophrenic breaks. We did some LSD, right? We were children, right?

And so we went to the Waffle House because it was open, you know? Like when you were on drugs and you were a kid, you basically like, that's the downside of having any place that stays open all night. It's like people are going to come there. They're all on drugs. No one's sober at Waffle House. Right? So we get there, dude, and we're in there, and my buddy starts laughing so hard.

He's, like, kind of convulsing a little bit, my buddy Scott. And the waiter was a black gentleman and a gay guy, and we'd never seen a gay black dude, right? So anyway, he starts doing the Heimlich maneuver on my buddy, right? And he wasn't choking. He was just losing his shit because he was so fucking geeked up on LSD, right? So, bro. This dude's doing a Heimlich and he's not even choking? He's not even fucking choking.

Did you tell him he wasn't choking? I couldn't speak. I was laughing so fucking hard. It was unreal, dude. How did he, did he figure out that your buddy wasn't choking? I don't know what happened, bro. I think I disappeared and just woke up in the sixth grade. But, man, we laughed so fucking hard, man.

These guys try to give you a Heimlich. Oh, my God. It was so much fun doing drugs when you didn't know what was going to happen. It was scary, but it was exciting, you know? Jamie, did you put another one of these down? Because I threw the other one There was a I asked to find another one out there and apparently that has some power in it But I don't know it's not new I know that give it a whiff

Do you have a beverage on this game that I can have what would you like? Another one throw that away to them Maybe I want something that's gonna fucking teach me That's the one. There's coffee on the table if you want some coffee. You want something else? You want a Kill Cliff? I just want something, yeah.

You want a Kill Cliff? Yes. Can we get a couple of Kill Cliffs? Yeah, man. Dude, it was so cool to see Ron Wyden. Talked to him last night. Oh, man, he's the best. Bro, I walk in. Yeah, he's the best. Bro, I walk in.

Yeah, he's in there. Tom Segura's in there. Put a lid on that. I felt like I'm going to have one more. One more. Oh, God. You know I'm an addict because I know I look forward to this. I look forward to it, too.

Yeah. Am I an addict? I mean, a little bit. Probably. I'm a functional addict or something. Yeah. If you're an addict dude You've redesigned it Because you're doing good at it

I feel like it can be done There you go That's a zero I feel like there's certain Addictions that can be managed Yeah You've had one of these right? Yeah they're great

Yeah this is my own Oh yeah you got your own So does Israel Adesanya right? Flaming Joe Yeah Israel Adesanya, right? This is Flaming Joe. Yeah, Israel Adesanya has a Kiwi one. Yeah. It's nice. I talked to this guy one time on the phone.

He's a really nice guy. Oh, he's the best. John's the best. And we got a new one coming out with a compilation, a collaboration with me and Cam Haynes. It's a spicy cherry called Elk Blood. Ooh, nice, boy. It's good, dude. It's good, dude.

Keep hammering, dude. We went through like, I had to go through like seven or eight versions to get to this. This is perfect, which I think is like the perfect flavor. This one is a pineapple, like a spicy pineapple. It's like pineapple with a little bit of jalapeno. Jalapeno in there. This is a very addictive drink. Yeah, I like having me a little something I didn't have any

caffeine all day today because I wanted to wait till I had some in here mmm you know you manage that yep I was like I'm waiting till I get in there and it's gonna be exciting yeah I'm gonna have it when I get in there what's the most time you've ever spent off a caffeine 30 I would say 30 days I had Michael Pollan on and he he was explaining how he took, I think he took like three months. Is that what he said? Something like that? Three months off of caffeine. And he said when he had it, it was like a psychedelic experience.

Wow. He's like, it's so different when your body's not accustomed to caffeine and you have it. It's like you have this insane feeling of bliss. It's like it's really wild. Yeah. Well, we were doing that. Remember, I used to do those vapes remember and right now those oh me too too addictive and i didn't like it yeah and it made

me tired like i was tired oh i'd have a cup of tea and you start to shut down yeah but the first hit is magical the first hit i take a big puff and it'd be like. Like everything just washes over you. You feel so relaxed. Yeah. It's brain cells dying. It's like a kid. It's getting stupider where everything's going to be okay.

Because I feel like the more smart you are, the more you take into account all the possibilities and all the variables and all the things that can go wrong. But one hit of that vape and you're like this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But then that vape and you're like this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But then I was always chasing that dragon. Yep. And then later on the night, I noticed I'd be hitting it and nothing would happen.

I'd be like, what am I doing here? Yeah, I couldn't. I think we did Esco bars or whatever. Oh, and then one time I went into a place and the lady's like, this is the strongest one they got. This bitch is the strongest. She's like, every hit is like smoking five this bitch is the strongest she's like every hit

is like smoking five cigarettes and then she would fucking hit it and no joke her hair would curl smoke's coming out of her ears this bitch like hitting five cigarettes you fucking hit that bitch boy yeah i haven't fucked with the vapes in quite a while, but I have friends that still hit them all the time. And you see like, oh, I see that. I see that little demon that's in your body. I'm about six days off right now, and I'm really battling, yeah.

Oh, you're battling still. Yeah, I don't want to see somebody with one. That's the tough moment for me. Yeah, you just want to grab it. Give me a hit of that. Yeah. So last night, I didn't see anybody with one. I took a couple puffs off a cigarette, though.

I hadn't had that in a few years. That was fun. What made you quit the vape? I didn't. It keeps me up. It keeps me just rattling, you know? A lot of nicotine. You ever think your car is still going, and you push it, and it's off?

Right. Like that. Yeah, you're just up. Yeah, my thing's still going. And it was late, and you're up and it's off? Right. Like that. Mmm. Yeah, you're just up. Yeah, my thing's still going. And it was late, and you're up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm fucking up, dude.

It's also, like, it can't be good for you. All that oil, that mist, and sometimes you'd feel it in your throat. Yeah. Your throat would get all dry and fucked up because it's irritated from all the oil. Like, what is in there? Like, what's, Google Escobars.

Like, what are the ingredients? Like, what's the oil they use? I mean, them bitches are good, though. Now, if you're running across the border, if you are doing long, like, if you are long-distance cycling or something, I think have one on you. Propene glycol, a vegetable glycerin, natural and artificial flavors, and nicotine. All right, but what is that? Is that bad for you?

That's got to be bad for you. Is the additive safe? It's a synthetic food additive that belongs to the same chemical group as alcohol. It's colorless, odorless, slightly syrupy, generally recognized as safe by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. Yeah. Yeah. I don't believe those people, though.

FDA, they're all in cahoots. FDA considers the average daily dietary intake of 23 milligrams per kilogram of body weight to be safe for persons 2 to 65 years of age. Maybe. But what about vaping it? Google vaping is vap Google vaping. Is

vaping propane... That even was from 2008 and I don't think that existed then. Oh, vaping didn't exist then? 2008. Do you remember people doing it back then? I don't think so. I remember they had those little brick vapes. I used to huff gas and stuff. But that was different. See if you can Google

propane glycol safe. Is propane glycol safe for vaping? Oh, I'll tell you what's not safe is doing a... You get the right hand sanitizer and you do a couple huffs on that shit. You huff hand sanitizer? Yeah, the good stuff. Scroll back up to the top. What does it say at the top?

It says both propene glycol and vegetable glycerin are considered safe to use in vaping products, but some users may find one or the other preferable due to personal preference. I'm not considering this website. Podsalt? Yeah, that's what I wasn't even going for. What is that? I have no idea. Podsalt.

Okay. I was trying to find something that seemed more legitimate. Vaping glycol. It may lead to lung inflammation. Oh. Oh, yeah. Click that. Irritation on eyes and throat.

Well, definitely throat. It definitely irritates your throat. Did you find it irritated your throat? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah. Vaping, propylene, glycol, and vegetable glycerin may lead to lung inflammation. But the thing is, it's like, how much are you doing? That's the thing with all these.

Like, do you know those, what are those called? Feel free? Those little kava and kratom drinks. There's a lawsuit about them now. Do you know what those are? Ron White brought a bunch into the club. Those things. Not those four locos, huh?

No, no, no, no, no. It's a tiny little drink, like a tonic. And it has kava and also kratom in it. Oh, I saw him with that last night. Yeah. Yeah. Boy, I don't know what's going on with those things, what that does. But you drink a half of one of those.

You're not supposed to drink a full one. You're supposed to drink a half of one. Uh-huh. Why don't they make it in smaller dosage so it's a single serving? Because it's only that big. Yeah, because it's hard to judge. Also, I can't read without my glasses on, like that little tiny writing. I'm not going to read.

This is two servings. You know, like when you get a Monster Energy drink or something like that. Yeah, I'm having it all. That's two servings. Fuck off. Yeah, dude. I'm having fucking both of them. Is it one can?

Then it's one serving. Yeah. I'm not sharing this. What the fuck is wrong with you? What pervert is going to fucking share this? Split it's one serving. Yeah. I'm not sharing this. What the fuck is wrong with you? What pervert is going to fucking share this? Split it with a buddy, dude. Yeah, what are you doing? Slurping on each other's-

You're going to put a little cup on top of it and fucking pour a buddy some? I would if there was only one for the two of us and we're both thirsty. Yeah, but still, who's doing that? Very rarely. Without looking for a specific brand name, I'm seeing some interesting results. Maybe if you're like at tea or something. The Live Free thing? I just typed in Kava Kratom drink.

Yeah, but just Google Live Free because it's one very specific. What I'm bringing up is there's a lawsuit because this one dude, they were getting him at 7-Eleven and a bunch of different places. And this one dude was an alcoholic and a drug addict i guess and he was clean and sober and started drinking these things and went off the deep end and he was drinking 10 a day which is crazy that's 20 doses a day you're not supposed to have more than two in a day two doses we mean one bottle that's more than you're supposed to have in an entire day. Damn. This dude was down in 10 a day. Oh, my God. So he was going against any guidelines that they had.

This is what it looks like? Yes, that's exactly what it looks like. A lot of lawsuits. Kratom is not listed on it, but what they found, well, I guess it is here, but what they found, I guess maybe it wasn't being sold that way. It was being sold as a kava drink that had Kratom in it and people didn't know it had kratom in it.

Yeah. Well, I've read varying accounts as to how much kratom is in it. I don't think kratom is necessarily dangerous, but I do know that some people abuse it for sure. Recovering Alcoholics sues Wellness Drink Firm for getting him hooked on 10 of its feel-free kava drinks a day that left him hospitalized because they contained addictive morphine-like

substance kratom. Wow. That's a lot. 10 of anything a day is a lot. 10 Diet Cokes is a lot. But whose fault is the guy, I mean, who's...

It's his fault. Yeah, it's his fault. It's his fault. 10 a day is his fault. But the thing is, I think what he's saying is they didn't say there was kratom in it

because it doesn't say I don't even think it says on the website that kratom's in it I'm pretty sure I googled the website go google the live free website and see if it even says kratom on the website and a lot of the Chinese I think are hopped up on this right are they?

I think so I know a lot of addicts like it kratom I believe is a it. I know a lot of addicts like it. Kratom, I believe, is popular in the Far East. Well, it's pretty popular everywhere. So let's see what it says is in there. So this is the stuff. What does it say is in there? Does it give you a list of ingredients?

Classic tonic, feel-free tonic. This one says Kratom's in it right there. Okay. That's the classic, and then free time this one says cradams in it right there okay that's the classic and then there's another one kava kola nut lion's mane oh so there's a feel free tonic and then there's the classic tonic so the classic tonic is the one that we got so what does it say in there what does it say the ingredients are i'd rather magic magic mind. Have you had that? Yeah, that's a mushroom. That's pretty good. It's a nootropic.

Lion's mane is good. Lion's mane is good for cognitive function. But when it comes to actual nootropics that help, okay, here it goes. Kava, kratom, so the kratom, total alcohol,

so it's mostly kava and a little bit of kratom total alcohol it's alkaloid so it's mostly kava and a little bit of kratom it's 34 milligrams i heard a joke one time this guy this is the worst joke i've ever heard you want to hear it i would love to this guy goes hey you know why you should take kava what be kava wow pretty bad huh did you keep hanging out with that dude? No, never. I just remember that. Yeah, that's a dumb one. But those drinks, those put you in a nice place,

whatever the fuck is in there. But I knew a dude, well... What do you mean, the Feel Freeze? Yeah. See, I didn't have one, man. I'm trying to think of what I had mostly. I do Diet Coke. Yeah, those Feel Freeze are basically a drug. So do you recommend it, you think? Maybe I'll try one tonight. No, one, man. I'm trying to think of what I had mostly. I do Diet Coke. Yeah, those real frees are basically a drug.

So do you recommend it, you think? Maybe I'll try one tonight. No, no, no. Everybody in the club is a little wary of them. Some of the guys have read the class action lawsuit. But sometimes you've got to go into those things and find out what is really going on with these. When you find out the guy was taking 10 a day,

and then also you find out the guy was an addict, and you go, well, what kind of money? how far gone what was he a guy who had disappeared for three months and came back with bloody face and right you know like who knows yeah we had a roommate that uh used to eat all these breath mints you know and he would stack like those altoids you get a big stack of them and he would always kind of show off how many he could stack in between his teeth you know and then but he would always kind of show off how many could stack in between his teeth You know and then but he would go out and get drunk at night and come in the morning He'd be like on the sofa just like in a bloody suit like he'd be in a suit, but just fucking

He looked like a reservoir dog some people live in alternative realities Occasionally they just like they get fucked up And then they go away and then they come back and we have to piece together what the fuck happened to them one shoe on fucked up knee What's wrong with my hand? How come I can't hear? It's like some people just go so hard God dude. I'm almost get do you get jealous of those people sometimes? I'm jealous of those people sometimes?

Sometimes I'm jealous of those people. Look at this. Kava, does kava feel like Xanax? It's found that kava significantly relieves anxiety with mild to no side effects. Several studies have found that kava extract is comparable to antidepressants and benzodiazepines. Yeah, but doesn't kava, that's Dave Asprey though. benzodiazepines. Yeah, but doesn't, that's Dave Asprey though. Doesn't kava also cause liver problems? Google that. Does kava negatively affect your liver? Because I think kava has an effect, especially at high doses, that is similar to alcohol. More than 100 cases of liver toxicity related to the use of kava have been identified.

Some leading to liver transplant and some leading to death as people have died from kava. People have died from ice cream, too. There are many reasons for liver damage. For one, kava depletes glutathione, a chief antioxidant within the liver. Oh, interesting.

But I wonder if you, like, take it with glutathione. There's kava bars in Austin, I just found out. Interesting. We should do a field trip, huh? Go to the kava bars? Go kava bar hopping? See what it is? Whatever is in that feel free is like, woo, that's a nice feeling. I'm gonna have to try

a little bit tonight, I think. Yeah. I was just a little wary of it when everybody at the club got nervous, so I had to start doing a deep dive, like, what's in it? What are people worried about? What's this lawsuit? What's the class action lawsuit?

How do you feel when you drink it? Very relaxed. I just want to start dancing. Yeah. I like it. I don't think it's bad. I don't feel,

I always just judge, like, how do I feel? How do I feel after? Yeah. And after, I feel fine. I feel fine. Like, there was no hangover. Like, there's many times where I feel good because I had a few tequilas.

And then I get up in the morning, I'm like, oh, you fucking idiot. You know? A little bit of a headache, dragging my ass. And then I get in a cold plunge, and I just feel like an idiot. It's hard to get back to even. Yeah, it's hard to get back to back to even yeah it's hard to get back to even oh dude i used to do sometimes i would do so much cocaine my freaking eyes would dry out and uh look at you grinding you're thinking about it oh dude yeah fucking i remember

how to lick my hands and then rub it into my eyes whoa so that i could even blink well jesus i always get dehydrated that's deep you's deep. You go deep, huh? Oh, dude. But you're that dude. You go deep with whatever the fuck you're doing. Let's go. I like to get right on the fucking, I like to be a peeping Tom if I can. I'll watch your whole family eat dinner.

I used to love that shit, boy. On Coke? Huh? On Coke? On anything. Boy, I fucking love to watch a family eat from the distance. The audio of you and I talking about how addictive vapes are, that has been used on so many different TikTok videos and reels.

How addictive are those things? I didn't want to divert too far, but you were just, have you ever heard of this thing called frogging spelled with a P-H? No. No, have you ever heard of this thing called frogging spelled with a ph no no have you heard of what's that it's a thing so it's a it's like an online community there's probably a website people try to live in your house without you knowing about it that's a good way to die i guarantee you that doesn't take place much in texas yeah i think that's a san franc game. I don't buy that. Dude, one time I had a babysitter and they found a guy under their bed in their house. And what a scary thing that was.

Oh, my God. She came up the stairs and she could see under the bed because the bedroom door was open when she walked up the stairs. And she saw a guy under there. Oh, Jesus. What did they do? Called the police. And he was mentally unwell. Duh.

It's not a lot of dudes that really have their shit together that are hiding under kids' beds. That's true. He was mentally unwell. Hey, can you keep me down? I got to be up. I got to be at work in two hours. Mentally unwell.

Let's not get hasty here. Let's not label the guy. He was doing a little bit of frogging. Whatever, whatever. But I love how we're in a space now, Joe, where people breaking and living in people's houses is just like a new term. As I'm reading into an article about it,

this makes a whole lot of sense because I've lived in a place where it's explaining. It says it happened at Ohio State. There's giant houses where 14 people are living together and you're in and out all day long and someone can sneak into a room and you just think it's a friend if you saw them in the hallway. That's a little bit different.

It's a slightly different thing. I'm not breaking into houses. Why do they name it frogging? Yeah, so it's not a guy eating flies and stuff and hiding in your wall. Because they go from place to place. Sometimes it's trying to do it as much as they can. Victims often sense something is amiss, but easily doubt themselves

and hesitate to seek help. At least at first. Not me, bro. I'll be clearing that house locked and loaded. I'll probably have a vest on. I'll probably fucking Velcro a vest on and go clear that fucking house.

I would just ask everybody if they live there or not. How do you not know if somebody lives with you? Because they're sneaking around. They're, like, sleeping in closets and shit. Yeah, they're all fucked up all day. They're 20-year-old kids. They're done with shit, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm talking about, like, a regular house, like your house. Yeah, if somebody was sleeping. I did think there was somebody in the attic for a while because I would hear things sometimes, like a little settling, but I went up there and there's nothing. Probably rats. Yeah, it could was sleeping, I did think there was somebody in the attic for a while because I would hear things sometimes, like a little settling, but I went up there and there's nothing. Probably rats. Yeah, it could have been. Yeah.

I'm trying to think of what else has been going on. The other thing I saw last night, the American Gladiators documentary started on ESPN. Yeah. Have you seen any of it or anything? Well, dude, I was around when American Gladiators was huge. So this is the guy that created it or has founded it. The documentary is very interesting because this guy, who is credited as the creator, I think,

he's not very forthcoming and honest with everything, and he won't answer the guy's questions a lot, which is kind of strange. So he made a good documentary about it, and not all the gladiators would come talk about it. He's very open about the, like, I didn't pay them, and if they wanted to leave, go ahead and leave. Wow. What? The American the like I didn't pay them and if they wanted to leave go ahead and leave Wow what the American gladiators didn't get paid they were making $25,000 for 52 episodes they said what yeah two shows a day something

that's what they get into in this is like how big the marketing got there was 13 million viewers I think at one point per show he crushed it with all the he made any paid them nothing nothing he's never getting hurt really bad one of the guys was a big one this show the, he made it his own. And he paid them nothing. Nothing. Piece of shit. They were getting hurt really bad. One of the guys was a big one to show how bad he is right now. He's walking around, he can't feel half of his limbs, seven herniated discs.

Oh my God. Remember they had names like, it was like Fierce. Yeah. And like River. Yeah. Ice Cube. Yeah.

Thunder. Thunder. Now it's like, Barnacle. Lethargy. They're all in wheelchairs. Didn't they bring American Gladiators back at one point in time? Yeah, they tried bringing it back.

But the thing I find interesting about this guy is he started off his career as an Elvis personator, which is why he looks a little bit like Elvis. That dude doesn't look anything like Elvis. He's lying. He was obsessed with Elvis? That could have been part of it. He could be putting on about how much he got. Ben Berman, huh?

It's a very interesting documentary. I'll just say that. Oh, you mean like he might have been lying about how much money he made? He's lying about a lot of stuff. And the guy who's making it asks him, and you can hear him asking him. He's like, and he just sort of stops. He's like, I'm not going to talk about that. He looks like a low-level MMA promoter.

That's what he looks like. He looks like one of those guys, our guys could take on the UFC's best champions any day of the week. Yeah. He's one of those guys. That's what he looks like. Yeah, that guy definitely looks maybe a little bit like a sneaky guy. Oh, he definitely looks sneaky.

I'm trying to think of the first sneaky guy I ever met. The first sneaky guy you ever met? Yeah. You really can go back that far? Oh, yeah, when you met somebody in, like, utter sneaky. Sneaky. Well, you meet a lot of them in the comedy business. Oh, yeah.

The kind of club owner business. You ever been ripped off by a club? Dude, there was a club where I felt bad that people didn't come, and I was like, you guys can pay me less, and they paid me less, I remember. Because no one was there? You said they could. Yeah. That's not a robbery.

That's a deal. Yeah, you're right. You made a deal. You were a nice guy. You were trying to help out the club, and you felt bad. Made a bad deal. Get another hit for that. Feel better.

Thank you. Oh, Jesus, you went in deep. You got your nostrils right up to the... Give me that. I like that. I don't want you to be out there on your own. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You know what I'm saying? A hunting we will go. You want some of this, Jamie?

I remember. You remember? Oh, that's all you need? I can't remember. I just did it ten seconds ago. Oh, no. See? I can't remember. I just did it 10 seconds ago. See?

Dude, you sound like a guy crying in the 40s. Like his dog died. Oh, D'Eller, I'm going to miss you. Oh, my God. Dude, do you ever think like the wind? Do you think? Remember we were talking about, like, frequencies, like there could be other ways to evaluate what's going on with us. Do you think we'll ever get, like, new ways to look at our, like,

to quantify ourselves and how we're feeling and stuff? Yeah, I think so with science. Yeah, I think with new innovation and technology, they'll probably develop ways to recognize the amount of energy that your body has You know because like some people are just they have energy like what is that like I always think of that like I? Switched back to the carnivore diet you know I go back and forth on that and for the most part I eat Mostly meat and fruit and some vegetables. That's like most of my diet. Occasionally I go crazy.

Like we were in the Bronx. We went to this Italian deli and these giant sandwiches. It was amazing. But that's a rare deviation of my path. But I had this moment, I guess it was about two weeks ago, where I was like, you know what? The best I ever felt, like literally the best I ever felt all throughout the day was when I was on the carnivore diet. Let me go back to that. Let me see what that's like.

And one of the things that I saw, like immediately, for seven, eight days, I ate nothing but meat and eggs and fat and bacon and nothing else. I mean, I was real strict. And my brain was working so much better. It was weird. Like I wasn't searching for it was like i had more access to my ability to form sentences to i was thinking clearer it was like it was more effortless to have conversations and i was like this is interesting this is very interesting because this is not how i normally feel this is like me at my optimum, but I'm able to sustain this multiple days in a row. And I think that a lot of the foods that we eat, foods that have preservatives,

a lot of bread and bullshit and just shitty food, your body uses so much resources to process that. And it's not real food. It's kind of bad for you. right? And so your body is just like overburdened with this extra work. When you eat clean, like really clean, I'm eating wild game and fat and beef tallow and all that and eggs, your body doesn't have any bullshit to process. So your body is less – you have less inflammation. And you're operating off of ketones essentially for the most part because your your body is entering into a ketogenic state you have just just it's you just feel like even through the whole day i didn't i never felt like a like at the end of the

day like oh boy i'm tired there was none of that there's just So that's mostly on the keto diet. Well, it's carnivore diet, but carnivore, you must reach periods of ketosis. There's a process called gluconeogenesis, I believe it is. See if that's correct. And I think that what that is, is when your body consumes only protein, your body will convert some of that protein into glucose. And that actually can knock you out of a ketogenic state if you eat too much protein. But when you eat like that, I mean, everybody's different, clearly.

I know people that function very well on a vegetarian diet. Yeah. Not for me, dude. I like a lunch of those. Yeah, gluconeogenesis take you out of ketosis. A widespread fear surrounding keto is that consuming too much protein may lead to the upregulation of a process called gluconeogenesis and throw you out of ketosis, undoing all your hard work. The truth is gluconeogenesis is essential for our overall health and actually

allows us to remain in ketosis. Oh, okay. So it's good. So whatever that is, that's how I function at my best. So that's how I eat now. Like last night when Dave brought the pizza backstage, it looked good. What'd you do? I wanted a piece. I was like, I'm not eating it. Did you leave the room or anything? No.

Or what were some of your methods you used to stay away from it? I don't really, I don't have to do that. I just go, no. Just not eating it. Did you do a gum or anything to keep yourself busy? No, no, no, no. I wasn't even itchy. I wasn't have to do that. I just go, no. Just not eating it. Did you do a gum or anything to keep yourself busy? No, no, no, no. I wasn't even itchy. I wasn't itchy.

You know, if I had a couple of cocktails in me, though, I probably would have grabbed a slice. Oh, fuck you, boy. That's the problem. Couple of tequilas. Oh, yeah. Next thing you know, I want some pizza. Oh, dude, I'll fucking. Yeah.

I'll do whatever after that, boy. But I think I'm done. I lost five pounds in two weeks. And not anything but fat. Just immediately my body just shriveled up. Do you have some fitness goals? Like at this point in your life, you've kind of been through fitness a lot. It's been a big part of your life. Do some of your fitness goals kind of change as we get we get a little bit older do you think not for me?

No, no because with hormone replacement and all the stuff that I do Even at 55 my buddy functions Essentially the same way did when I was 30 and I'm not exaggerating like I have no problem doing hard workouts at kettlebells Heavy back workout jiu-jitsu Injuries are an issue, you know, with me. Like I just tweaked my back muscle the other day doing some deadlifts, but nothing serious. But, um, but as far as like goal fitness goals is just to maintain this. Like I know I have a extraordinary level of fitness for my age and I just maintain that. And I think that if you can maintain it, that's the key.

The real problem with people is they get out of shape and then getting back in shape is very hard it's a fucking grind yeah it's a grind and for me for my mental health man i am not the same person if i don't exercise you know what that whole thing with 100 the frequencies my my i'm at my best as a human being as a friend as a husband as a father as a comedian as a podcast host as a just as a general neighbor as a general person, as a friend, as a husband, as a father, as a comedian, as a podcast host, as a, just as a gen, a neighbor, as a general person, I'm at my best if I work out 100% of the time, I'm, I'm, I'm less anxious. I don't have any demons. Everything's good. I exercise it all out. It's just like, it's like a purge that I have to do. I have to do that purge. And if I don't, It's like a purge that I have to do.

I have to do that purge. And if I don't fucking, I don't get that out, then I have all this extra, like, all this extra unnecessary angst and weirdness. And I think that's most people, man. I mean, when I go, like, I've been injured before where I couldn't do anything for, like, a week or two, and you start getting depressed. You start feeling like shit. You start feeling real dull and sad. And I think that is a lot of people out there that suffer from depression. In fact, they say that exercise is one and a half times more effective than SSRIs for curing depression.

Oh, in a heartbeat, man. Because I take SSRIs and I do exercise. If I take my SSRI, I don't feel really anything. I just feel like, oh, I took my SSRI. But if I go for a run, like even today, I had to go run a couple miles. I was like, I know I'm going to be on here. I want to have my good energy going. I'm going to go for a run.

And so, yeah, I know that it makes me feel better if i do something athletic you know what ssr are you taking i think i'm on lexa pro right now i think the generic one whatever the cheaper one is you know i think it's um i don't know what it is but it is they say it's fine you know so i don't know if I believe him, but I mean, I'm fucking taking it. Now, I would like to maybe take 30 days off and try ayahuasca again. I feel like I'm getting back around

where I would like to do it again, you know? Yeah? Yeah. I would, man. Because I want to fucking feel. I want to be right up there on nature's fucking... I want to be in there. Eavesdropping on nature's nuts, man. Because I want to fucking feel. I want to be right up there on nature's fucking... I want to be in there.

Eavesdropping on nature's nuts, boy. Yeah. God, I'll be right up there. Yeah. What'd you say, boy? And eavesdropping on nature. Right up next to it. Oh, dude.

Feeling it. Oh, ayahuasca, dude. You'll fucking... Mother Nature, you'll be... She'll break out that wiener and you'll be like, damn, I didn't know Mother Nature had a wiener, know mother nature's got everything it's powerful dude that ayahuasca stuff is real powerful so i would like to do that again dude what is what is the reason why you take the ssris i think because when i'm off of them something feels wrong i feel it's a battle a battle it's a battle to even if i do running and i do fitness right it's a

battle to keep myself even so instead of dealing with that it's at a more intense level i choose to take them because it just makes it a little bit easier i don't think it's taking the easy way out though because if i don't take them and i still do all those things, it's hard for me to get to a good baseline. What do you mean by wrong? When you say you feel wrong, what does it feel like? I feel like at any moment kind of my feelings can just drop off into like a really surprised low. Out of nowhere for no reason. Yes.

Sometimes with a little bit of motivation to it right or some trigger but it's it the level that it drops off to it's too much of a drop for me to not get some help if we're a little bit and it felt manageable that's okay but when it's pretty steep it's like oh man this feels sometimes scary yeah i know what you're saying um but it's gotten doing that ayahuasca stuff made it a lot better than it had ever been neil um brennan said it basically cured him yeah he's the one who took me to it yeah he said um it made him much happier it cured him of like a lot of his what he felt like were personality disorders that he had. You know, like Neil's a, Neil's a great guy.

Be very, very smart, very smart. And sometimes, you know, I wonder about real smart guys. They're just always thinking about things and maybe too much about certain things. And, you know, you just get overwhelmed by thoughts and anxiety and emotions. And anxiety is a lot of... What anxiety is a lot of is fretting about possibilities for a lot of people. You know, it's the inability to live in the moment.

And you fret about anxiety. And a lot of it has to do with childhood trauma. A lot of it has to do with genetics. Anxiety is a weird thing. Like, they think that anxiety, whether it's a learned behavior or not, you can actually get it from your parents. I don't know why.

See, what's the. I could see that. Can you get anxiety? Is anxiety genetic? Google that. My mom made us anxious. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Sometimes we go get ice cream, dude. And she would like she's like if she'd get angry, if she gets so angry, if we dripped any of it. Here it goes. There's clear research showing that anxiety is influenced by genetics in fact Experts notice a family connection for anxiety even before they understood how DNA or genes work If you have a close relative with anxiety your chance of developing is about two to six times higher than if you don't well I don't know if that's genetic or if it's just like your behavior Yeah, if your mom is always or your dad is always like Bob

They're fucking anxious and you're right if they come over and they're always fucking tickling you then you're gonna fucking feel tickled all the time You're always getting fucked with yeah. Yeah something, you know bug in your something even just tickling you with their words. Yeah genetics of generalized anxiety disorder and related traits. Well for sure mental illness is Generalize anxiety disorder and related traits. Well, for sure, mental illness is genetic. There's a lot of people that are mentally ill and their children are mentally ill or their family's mentally ill. Man, I used to have a much more ignorant view on mental health because I have my own mental health issues, which I'm sure we all do. But mine was like, just don't be a pussy.

Get your work done. You feel great. And I don't have to take anything, and even though I don't have to take anything, I'm still doing something to mitigate it. I'm doing something every day to work on it, and when I don't, I do feel it like a lot of people do. So I always wonder,

maybe those people just aren't doing the work. Maybe if they just got up in the morning, went running before work, or did something something before maybe they could get through this and not need a fucking pill yeah i don't think that anymore interesting yeah i think it's i think yeah there's times where i thought that i'm just not tough enough i'm just not yeah doing enough i'm not i'm not enough to battle this right right and um and then i get to a point where so many times i tried to stop taking it it's like it's too much of a discrepancy that makes things unmanageable to a point where it feels like it's unfair to be that unmanageable to myself so um i get back on it you know and

and i don't think it really bothers me or anything like that but yeah it's kind of the same with alcoholism like i thought alcoholism used to just be like somebody couldn't stop drinking or whatever right but there's so much more i mean alcoholism is only disease that will tell you you don't have the disease right that's correct like imagine if you put on like a shirt right but every every couple days a shirt, right? But every couple days, the shirt was like, guess what? You don't have a shirt on. I don't think that's a good analogy.

I don't know if it is, but it seems like it. But that's what alcohol is. Because alcoholism would tell you you don't have a problem. Right. You don't have a problem. Have another drink.

Yeah. Relax. Have another Coke. Have some more Coke. Yeah. Have another family. Yeah. Relax. Have another Coke. Have some more Coke. Yeah. Have another family. Woo! Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brian Simpson was telling us he went through a brief period of time where he was doing a lot of Adderall. And he said, like a week. He said he did a week of Adderall. And he said, man. He's like, that shit. That shit pulls you in. Really?

He said that? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's like, that shit pulls you in really he said that oh yeah yeah he's like that shit pulls you in he goes it makes you focus he told this fucking hilarious story about he went to jerk off and uh he had 90 tabs open and he was he was looking at porn for five hours because he couldn't pick one that he liked the best i was like you gotta talk about that on stage brian sims is so fucking funny that's like he's like he's so fucking funny stage. Brian Sibs is so fucking funny. That's like, he's like.

He is so fucking funny. Oh, yeah, he's great, man. He is so funny. His way of looking at things is so interesting, because he's so thoughtful. Like, when he thinks about things, he's really, like, he never comes up with a half-ass take on things. His take on things is like,

he's been thinking about it for a long time before he brings it up, you know? Yeah, I like listening to him. There's something really unique about him. Very unique comedy style, too. is like he's been thinking about it for a long time before he brings it up you know yeah i like listening to him there's something really unique about him very unique comedy style too relaxed and you know and punch lines are crisp yeah i love a crisp punch line bang yeah you're pretty point you're you like you stay in like kind of like uh you like to have the things kind of organized yeah well like that's the best it's you also have the dis kind of organized. Yeah. Well, that's the best. You also have the disorganized moments where you're fucking around.

Like if I have new bits, there's a lot of disorganized moments. Yeah, I was watching you perform last night. It was cool. Thank you. Yeah. A lot of it was new stuff that I hadn't heard. Yeah, I got about a half hour of new shit. Yeah, there was a couple things I was laughing at, man.

It was fun. God, it was so much fun over there. God, it's so fun, right? I can't believe you have your own club, dude. Doesn't it feel like it's been open forever, though? Doesn't that feel, it feels weird in there. Well, I think some of it because it's been such a journey for you that other people have kind of been on with you in a way.

Yeah. Well, also all these guys who had faith in me, who moved out here and moved out here when I didn't even have a club yet. And we were all just operating out of the Vulcan. But the shows of the Vulcan were so fun. People were like, man, I think I believe him. Yeah. That's us last night.

Come on, son. Oh, it is. Look at that picture. Come on. Louie, Dave, Tom, Ron, me. Ian. Ian. Theo, motherfucking Vaughn, Ahsan, Derek.

Come on, man. Wow. That was a great night. What a show, too. What a fucking show. I know, dude. I can't believe we get to do this for our job. There you are.

There I am. Yeah, man. It's the greatest job in the history of the world. Dave Attell. For us. Look at Tom up there, killing it. Dude, Ron, look at him, huh? Murdering.

Murdering. I'm retired. Bitch, you ain't retired. You've been at my club four days a week. Fuck off. He had a retirement party. I'm like, I am not going to your fucking fugazi. He had a retirement party.

I'm like, I am not going to your fucking fugazi retirement party. I know you, Ron White. You're too goddamn good. He's too goddamn good. That guy's never going to quit doing Fagazi retirement party. I know you, Ron White. You're too goddamn good. He's too goddamn good. That guy's never going to quit doing comedy. He's too good. He's too. Even just listening to him is fun.

And he has a time period trapped in him that a lot of people don't have it. He's got that rural Texas, like a way and a look at the world that you have to have that voice still out there. You know, you have to. Well, he's a real legend. And having him around the club all the time, it's like, it's so morale boosting for everybody. I just saw this video of him. Look at Rob. Look at his.

Give me some of this. You know, I was amazed by this. 21 of us took us down there to the Guadalupe River. We had six ice chests full of beer. We floated down that river drinking beer for six and a half hours. Not one person had to pee. Now, I find that to be remarkable bladder control.

I'd like to think my friends wouldn't pee on themselves. I know I would. That's the best thing about tubing the river. You can just paddle up to somebody you don't even know. Oh, that is pretty true, dude. Just peeing right next to somebody. There's nothing. Look at him back then. Wow.

Look at him back then with the long hair He was like a hippie Early 90s Wow There's nothing better than being in a pool Talking to somebody and peeing at the same time I get point blank range There's a lot of things better than that

Yeah you're right You're right There's a lot of things better than that That's not even in the top thousand Out of all the good things The smell of fresh baked of things better than that. That's not even in the top thousand. Out of all the good things, the smell of fresh baked bread is better than that. All right, baby, dude. Without even eating it.

I mean, yeah, if you got a fucking kitchen or whatever. Yeah, but still, I'm saying if you're really just out in the elements, dude, be in point blank range urinating in somebody else's space and they don't know it. That doesn't do anything good for me. I feel like a terrible person for pissing on somebody. Yeah, you're right. Come on, man.

Yeah, yeah. Why are you out there peeing on people? We're better than that. We're better than that. Yeah, we are. Come on, man. Yeah, you're right.

We're better than that. You're right. I'm not going to let that affect me. Are you excited about tonight? Yeah. Let's fucking go. Yeah, I'm excited, dude. i get excited every time i go there you do yeah i can't believe it's real still can't believe it's real yeah when i walk in i can't believe it's real say hi to everybody can't believe it's real all

these people are working staff i know hi how's everybody doing i can't believe it's real like okay go upstairs all comics are there hanging out it's a party every believe it's real. They're like, okay. Go upstairs, all the comics are there hanging out. It's a party every night. It's like the best night of your life every night. It's like what we had at the store better. It really is. It's crazy.

It's the environment and it's so perfectly set up for standup and the audiences are so hyped. I mean, you get there at 930, there's a fucking line

around the block waiting to get in on that 10 o'clock show. It's nuts. It is exciting, man. I mean, even just there at 9.30, there's a fucking line around the block waiting to get on that 10 o'clock show. It's nuts. It is exciting, man. I mean, even just seeing people excited to be at a club again is exciting, you know? Yeah. Well, this town has really embraced it, you know, because it was a long time that I was, you know.

Us moving here was a big deal. There's a lot of articles written, like, this stand-up comedy has moved to Austin. And then when I said I was going to open up a club, there was like a lot of hype about that. And it was almost better that the first place didn't work out because it took so long before we bought the second place and then started construction. It was a whole year process after that. It was a lot going on. It was like a year and a half of just straight construction. Did you feel at some point, like was there ever a point where you were like, I don't know if this is going to work out, but I've already said it's like a year and a half of just straight construction um did you feel at some

point like was there ever a point where you're like i don't know if this is going to work out but i've already said it's going to so i have to do it no no because uh fortunately i had the resources so it wasn't it wasn't like if i was stressed out financially and it was like i was like cutting it close that would have been a that would have been a different experience yeah this experience was like what are we going to do okay let's do that uh what's the best thing to do do that you know like when louis came louis uh louis ck came and i showed him the club and he fucking loved it but he gave me all these good suggestions one of the things he said the stage in the small room was too big and it was like you're right he's like yeah you cut it down like

four feet on each side so i got the construction guys over here before we poured the cement so all the rebar was cut the metal was in place and i was like let's make it smaller cut it here and cut it there and they're like well it's gonna take more time like yeah but we gotta do it right let's do it right lower the ceiling shrink the stage lower the ceiling in the big room sound deadening everywhere because like a lot of comics like they like echo in a comic oh because it makes the laughs louder but it also makes it harder to hear what the person saying because all the sound of bouncing around yeah I don't like that I like it with carpet or you know like yeah as much can it can be absorbed that's what you want

yeah well we got now it's perfect yeah Louie's awesome man Louie Louie came on my podcast and we had one of the best chats I've ever had with somebody. You told me that YouTube removed your RFK podcast. Yeah. What happened? Yeah, they said some of the clips were in violation of their medical policies. Or like stuff that goes against the WHO. Right? Do you know that North Koreaorea just joined the who

north korea has like an executive position on the board of the who see what that is which is insane yeah this is literally a country that starves their citizens and the who is allowing them i mean it's just what what is the who like what the fuck are you telling me that robert robert kennedy jr is lying because i bet he's not yeah i bet everything he said is true i bet everything he said could be backed up by by data well i mean one thing that i love about bobby or robert kennedy um he's he's a friend of mine and i've always really he's an environmentalist right and so he's always started he was environmental environmentalist so it? And so he's always started.

He was an environmentalist. Environmentalist. So it makes sense that he would care about the environment inside of our bodies as well, right? Like he has this river keepers organization. They're just about keeping the waters clean. And his whole life has been about that kind of stuff. So I don't know. I found it just like, yeah, if somebody wants to object to the status quo or raise their hand and ask questions, that makes perfect sense to me. And then also he's not like an anti-vaxxer,

but he's about like vaccine efficacy, right? Which means I think like- It's about honest vaccine efficacy. Like what's the real data versus what are they selling you? Because if you look at the COVID vaccine, for example, they sold us something that wasn't accurate. They said that it was going to stop transmission. They said that it was going to stop infection. It did neither of those things. They also said that it was going to offer long lasting protection. It did not. It just didn't. And they said that it was safe and effective. How can they know that? It's a new product and you're administering it to hundreds of millions of people without a lengthy trial period like they do with every other drug. So all these people were like wanting it to be effective.

So they were doing the work of the pharmaceutical companies, which they've never done before. No one has ever like said, you've got to trust these people that have the biggest fucking criminal fines in U.S. history. These people that have been lying to us left and right. These people that have been tried and convicted for lying about the side effects, for lying about the efficacy, whether or not something is addictive. We know that with the opioid crisis. Oh, yeah. You watch Dope Sick for, I mean, that's unbelievable. You get involved.

It's unbelievable what's happened with all of that. Yeah. This is, and the Sackler family just got, they just, they had to give, I think it was like a large payment. I think it was like six or eight billion dollars. And that gives them immunity. That was very recent. See if you can find that. But that's fucking nothing to them.

The Sackler family wins immunity from opioid lawsuits, which is fucking wild. Unreal. Six billion. What about all the people that fucking died? What about all the fucking kids that overdosed? What about all the families who had a child who sprained their fucking ankle and two years later lost their kid to addiction because this company didn't care and because the FDA was compromisable. I'm sorry, man. That shit fucking makes me mad. I think these people should be

fucking hung, dude. It's evil. It's evil. That's what it is. They absolutely lied about whether or not it was addictive. In exchange, they will pay $6 billion to help address opioid addiction. What does that even mean? How are you going to address it?

Hey, guys, opioids are addictive. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. That shit breaks my heart. The payments will be spread over multiple years. But look at how much they made.

See, the thing is they're collectively worth $11 billion, and they had to give up $6. So how much money did they make off of opiates? See, that's the thing that happened with Vioxx. With Vioxx, they got in trouble. What is it, Vioxx? Vioxx is an anti-inflammatory that didn't particularly work very well and also killed a bunch of people. Killed at least 50,000 Americans. A friend of mine got a stroke from it. It caused all these issues with people.

They were aware of it. There's internal documents that showed that it was going to be a problem. They knew it was going to be a problem. But in the internal documents, they said, but we think we will do very well with this. Wow. So they did very well financially. I think they made something like $12 billion off of Vioxx, and they had to give up $5. So they got a fine of $5 billion.

But that means they had all that profit. That's a lot. It's sick. When did that start to happen in our country? When did it start to happen that we're not protecting our people? Like, when did that? Does that make? Like.

Profit. It's all profit. If there was no money in this, they would go after those folks. One hundred percent. There's money. When did it happen in our time, in existence of time? Was there a point where that wasn't the way of the thing? Well, here's the first problem.

Advertising for pharmaceutical drugs on television. Yeah. Advertising for pharmaceutical drugs is illegal in every country in the world except for New Zealand and the United States. Wow. You shouldn't be able to influence people to want to take these drugs that they may or may not need. That should be entirely a conversation between you and your health care provider. Someone should be giving you an educated understanding of what the pros and cons are. And this is why I think you need this.

And this is why you should take that. It shouldn't be you coming to your doctor. Ask your doctor if la-la-la is right for you. Do you have days where blah-blah-blah? Do you have that? Well, la-la-la is for you. And they have these fucking people dancing around in wheat fields and spinning their daughter around and marrying around

and everything looks like a great old time. Yeah. They have two black people hugging in a bathtub. It's a cookout. Everybody's having a great time. Bliss. It's about happy moments. But here's the thing.

You take those pills, they're not going to invite you to that cookout. You still got no friends. You just had home one pills, dude. I've done it. You're not fucking resuscitating. You not doing cpr on some senior citizen somewhere like playing pickleball in the sun you're out there suffering by yourself ah but it's crazy it's like everybody wants to be happy so the problem with advertising is i mean it's one thing if you're advertising for a nice pair of shoes or something like that i I don't find any problem with that. It makes people want them, but what's the downside? You buy something you really can't afford. That's the worst downside. I don't find that to be that much

of a problem. I don't find advertising in general to be a problem because I believe generally, if you're intelligent, you should be able to like navigate that. But when it comes to things like drugs and especially when it comes to antidepressants and when it comes to things like drugs, and especially when it comes to antidepressants and when it comes to these things that they're advertising constantly on television, constantly on YouTube, just constantly, the amount of money is so extraordinary that they put into advertising.

It's such a huge chunk of the advertising budgets of television shows. It's every show. Every show. I mean, it's not a joke. It's every, huge chunk of the advertising budgets of television shows. It's every show. Every show. I mean, it's not a joke. It's every show. It's like, don't we see that that's obviously not, we don't need everybody to be on pills. Yeah.

Well, they think you do. This is what I found so bizarre. Look, I never thought I would be in the center of any sort of controversy about pharmaceutical drugs or about health care. Never thought that I would be in the middle of it. But one of the things that stunned me was talking to these people that were doctors, that were fat, that were unhealthy, that didn't take vitamins, that didn't exercise, that definitely didn't optimize their health. And they were trying to put in your head that the only way to be healthy was to get injected with some experimental medical thing. And they were trying to put in your head that the only way to be healthy was to get

injected with some experimental medical thing. And that's fucking horseshit. That's never been the case ever. That violates all of our understandings about the human immune system, about health and wellness, about just your overall metabolic health. It violates all of our understandings. People who are healthier, people who exercise, people who go outside, who get vitamin D, people that are taking vitamin C, people that are supplementing, they have a much better time with any kind of illness they get.

And there's a lot of documentation about this. This is science too, but the problem is it's not science that's supported by these companies that are directly funded by pharmaceutical companies. Whatever these organizing bodies are, whether it's the FDA or the CDC or whatever, when you look at what happens with the FDA and the CDC, how these people go from being presidents and being the people that recommend policy, and then they go on to become fucking- CFO or CEO of another of a pharmaceutical company. Yes.

There's a fucking revolving door, and it's evil. That shit should not be legal. I agree. It's crazy that they're allowed to do that. Well, how do we stop that kind of stuff, though? How do you, as like a regular person, I mean, it's just like... You can't.

A regular person can't. But you can get the voice out to all these people that these people... Look, if anything we learned from the pandemic, you can't trust these people. You cannot trust everything

they say as being fact. You just can't. There's another thing that got released today about reproductive repercussions of the COVID vaccine. I'll find that for you. Because there's people that have been talking about this that they're just now, they're finding out that there absolutely is negative side effects for women that are pregnant for women's reproductive uh health for um well i'll tell you this joe see if you can find that you know i think it came from the uk it just got released today i remember you know i grew up in an environment where uh two lane university i told

you this before they had their primate testing facility in our town right yeah and um a bunch of chimps got out once and we got to help the police go get them, right? I told you about that. Yeah. But that's where they tested the polio vaccine, right? That's where they made it. And it caused cancer in a lot of women, like in their cervical cancer, I believe. But they'd already made it.

Women like in their cervical cancer, I believe but they'd already made it and they're like it'll cure It'll stop polio, but some women will get service. So they just released it. Did you know that polio? 95% of people get polio it's asymptomatic So what does that mean? I'm reading this book about this that might not be true So I need to make sure that this book is accurate. but what they're basically saying in this book is that a lot of the cases of polio that we talked about from back in the day mm-hmm DDT was in widespread use back then widespread use as a pesticide and they were using DDT to kill bugs that they thought carried diseases. But the problem is DDT exposure is insanely toxic. Now we know that.

Now DDT, they don't use it anymore in America. Yeah. But they still use it in other countries where polio-like symptoms are very prevalent. One of the side effects, one of the effects of DDT poisoning is polio-like symptoms. I think it's called encephalopathy see what that is ddt side effects we didn't have a lot of polio i don't think in our area well polio was something that was going on in the early part of the 20th century you you know, and it's widely credited that the polio vaccine is what stopped that. I used to wholesale believe that until this pandemic. And now I question everything.

Now I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what the truth is with whether it's smallpox or polio. I have a feeling that there's a lot more to the story than what the general narrative is that we've been given is that vaccines are this amazing cure i think there's a lot of other factors and i think one of the other factors was hygiene and it's the book is called dissolving illusions and it's all about the uh origins of vaccines and what vaccines have done to you know stop disease spread and what the negative side effects have been and it's just like there's a lot of negative side Effects man and to pretend that it's safe and effective like when you're administering things to millions it's not hundreds of millions of people like

There's gonna be some problems and they don't want to advertise those problems And yeah, they don't want to make those problems publicly known oh yeah there's side effects yeah you can't fucking can't whisper you can't see far there's all kind of fucking side effects dude we had a guy who broke into uh walgreens and did like seven um he was addicted to the fucking covid vaccine he did like seven inoculations i got a lady in my neighborhood that keeps getting boosted. Her doctor told her stop getting boosted. Doctor's like, no more. She's like, I gotta go to LA.

I need to get boosted. The doctor's like, it's enough. It's enough. This is most of the side effects I can find. Okay. DDT at low environmental doses are unknown. Following exposure to high doses, human symptoms can include vomiting, tremors, or shakiness and seizures. Laboratory animals showed side effects in liver and reproduction.

DDT is considered possible human carcinogen. In this book, they were talking about paralysis, all sorts of issues. A lot of laboratory animals are pussies, though, aren't they? I don't know. It's estimated that 95% to 99% of people who contract poliovirus are asymptomatic. Isn't that wild? Wow. So what does that mean?

You don't even know you had it. Right. It doesn't affect you. Your body fights it off. That was the same for me. I remember I came here and got tested for COVID by you guys, and I had the antibodies. Yeah, you had it, and you didn't even know. Yeah.

That was a lot of people with COVID. But I think that's people that are healthier. I think that's people that got exposed to it. I know I got exposed to it because my whole family got it. My wife got it. Both my kids got it. And I was at home with them. I didn't protect myself at all because I was like, they seem okay. I'm healthy as fuck. I'm like, let's see what happens. And I never got it. And I didn't protect myself at all. I had sex with my wife. I hugged my kids. My wife was like, you're going to get it. I go, I'm not going to get it. I'm not going to get it. I'm going to hold my breath. It was one of those things where I was trying to see, and there was two days where I worked out,

two days. And during those days where I was working out, I was like, Ooh, I feel weak. And so I just like broke a sweat. I just didn't push myself. I just gently worked out. I just like broke a sweat I just didn't push myself I just gently worked out I did like 35 pound kettlebells nothing crazy I went through like a mobility workout I did it two days in a row and then the third day I felt fucking great yeah the third day my body was like let's go and I had a hard workout the third day and I'm like all right whatever it is I didn't get it and I didn't even have antibodies i had nothing i got tested for antibodies like nothing so i know i was exposed to it but my body completely fought it off and then the time that i did get it we had flown to florida we did a gig and then we flew to um

i think it was orlando did another gig we're doing arenas right and it's in this in the round so it's a covid spray people just spraying covid at you, laughing and cheering and shit. And then I went out with my friend John Shoman, and I had like five margaritas. We played pool until 3.30 in the morning. Oh, wow. And, you know, pool is intense for me. I play serious pool, and there's a lot of concentration. And I was tired.

And that night I was like, God god damn i don't fucking feel like shit you was tired but i thought i was just hung over and drunk i thought it was like oh god i gotta go to bed and i woke up in the morning i'm like i don't feel right i felt off you know i just felt like it was covid 100 it was covid yeah and then that night i did an arena no problem wow killed great show and then flying back that night, I was really cold. I was like, is it cold on this plane? And Tony was like, no, it's not. I'm like, man, I feel like shit.

Yeah. And so when I landed, I called my wife. I go, I don't know. Probably nothing's going on, but I feel like shit. So maybe we should sleep in different rooms. And then I got tested in the morning. Turned out that I had it. I was sweating all night.

Like that night, I was like very sweaty. And the next day, got the IVs. The day after, felt pretty good. The day after that, I made that video. And then fucking CNN accused me of taking

veterinary medicine. They didn't like the fact that I got better quick. Dude, I took steroids in high school. I'll take fucking whatever horses are taking. Horses are doing great,

first of all. You know how many horses are looking awesome? They do look great. Yeah, dude, what the fuck? But not only that horses are looking awesome. They do look great. What the fuck? But not only that, that medication is not horse dewormer. It's literally a human medication that's been prescribed to billions. Agreed.

It's a dumb fucking way for them to say it's just fucking shitty news. It's not just shitty news. It's propaganda that they did on behalf of the pharmaceutical companies. They did it under the guise that they're a news organization. But how do they get so many people to but that's why i'm like how does a medical group get so many people to believe that simple that they shut their businesses down and everything like it's like had to they had to i mean if the the government of la or the government of california tells you you have to shut your business down you have to shut your business down, you have to shut your business down.

Yeah, that was crazy. People like me who got COVID and got over it very quickly, that's infuriating because I have had the flu that lasted a lot longer than that. Like with the right medications, you can get over it. But they didn't want anybody knowing that. Right. That's why they were trying to limit monoclonal antibodies. They didn't want people just taking that because you just get right better. Yeah.

I mean, but yeah, that's one cool, that's one cool thing that Bobby knows about. He knows about a lot of that stuff. Oh my God. He's the best source of information about that stuff ever because he can, he's so brilliant. He can just recite it at any point. Like you can bring it up and he'll explain to you what the actual test said versus like the actual test when they said the COVID, it was the vaccine was 100% effective. Do you know how they did that?

Because two people, I think the way it was is, like, two people in the placebo group got COVID. One person in the vaccine group got COVID. So it's double, which means it's 100% effective. It was something stupid like that. Like, their measurement of 100 effective is so dishonest yeah it's sneaky it's like they're technically allowed to say things that way right but like when they were saying things like it stops transmission they had to admit they they they one of the ceos of pfizer one of the head executives had to give some speech

at your i think it was the uk parliament and they had to explain that there was no testing done of whether they'd never tested to see if it stopped transmission they only tested to see if it gave antibodies and it did but all that other stuff was horseshit you know the like when rachel maddow's on tv going it's going to stop that virus in its tracks. The virus ends with you. You can't affect anyone. You can't get infected. It's a lie.

That was a lie. And no one's being punished for that. And they'll say that Bobby Kennedy is spreading misinformation where everything he said you can verify. Everything he said is true. But there's no money in agreeing with him. The amount of money that these news organizations, supposed news organizations get from being on the side of the pharmaceutical companies and being in their good graces is fucking millions and millions of dollars in advertising revenue. And they have a very specific mandate. And so does YouTube.

And that's why YouTube pulled your video. Yeah. I mean, it was shocking to me because the videos had been up for a long time. You know, the clips had been up for a year. And then, yeah, they hit us up more like, yeah, we have to take these down because they spread. What was the specific thing? COVID misinformation. The specific thing that they said about it?

Yeah. What was the specific subject that Bobby brought up that they said was misinformation? Let me see if I can find it. Because a lot of the things that they used to pull videos for back in the day, they don't pull anymore. It was, let me see. Bobby Kennedy Jr. on Dr. Fauci. Trump called for a meeting with Bobby Kennedy Jr. about

vaccines, and Trump and Dr. Fauci met with Bobby Kennedy Jr. about vaccines. Those three clips. But I just thought it was interesting that, like, for the timing for me, it was really interesting. I mean, I was upset. How long ago was this?

They pulled it? Two weeks ago. Really? Yeah. A week and a half ago. Really? So they'd been up for a long time. So it made me think, like, well, why now?

But it also could just be. He's running for president. That's why. That's what I first thought. And that's probably what I do think. It could be also. I don't know how the algorithm works. If his name is getting propelled more.

So then it makes clips more prominent. So then they see them. Yeah, I'm in. be also, I don't know how the algorithm works, if his name is getting propelled more so then it makes clips more prominent so then they see them. Yeah, I'm in. You know I'm in. But here's, I mean, the thing that upset me the most was that no, no, a lot of, I don't know. So many addicts died from all the AA rooms, all the sobriety rooms, all the recovery, all the 12. Everything got shut down. Shut down. And so the number of people that died from that is more than the number of people that died from COVID.

Well, how about the number of people that died that didn't get diagnosed? Oh, you covered your face. I like who you did there. I like to fucking get in there, bitch. You got in there. You got in there. I'm fucking getting in there, boy. I'll come in this fucking thing.

I mean, don't do that. Sorry. So many people died from a bunch of different things because of it. Do you think this is the gayest way you could jerk off? If you lay on your back, right, and jerk off with your legs in the air. No. I watched a monkey jerk off into his own mouth. I think that's the gayest way.

The monkey was hanging from his feet, and he jacked off into his own mouth. Was he stuck somewhere? Was he trapped? No, he was having a good time. Oh, yeah. That's crazy, dude. He wasn't stuck. Uh-oh. Yeah, if you're in an avalanche or something,

I could see you having a snack. No, I don't think. I think you leave it in your body. I don't know, dude. If you're stuck somewhere. Yeah. You're telling me you're stuck in an avalanche. The last thing you're going to die,

and people are going to find you. I think he ate his own cum before he died. That's going to be a thing that people try to hide. I'd rather notice as I only had a little. That's what I would put on it, I think. But I'm not dying on an empty stomach. You'd have to have something. You got to have something, Joe.

Bro, you're dying. You've been trapped for four days in an avalanche. You think that jerking off in your own mouth is going to give you some form of relief? I think it's going to buy you another afternoon of being alive. A whole afternoon from a load? What kind of loads are you shooting? What kind of Peter North-sized loads are you chugging down? Jesus Christ.

I don't think it works that way. Buy you a whole afternoon? That's fucking wiener wine at that point. If you're stuck in an avalanche. Like if you had a radio, like, okay, this is going to sound crazy, but to buy yourself a whole other afternoon, Theo, I'm going to need you to jerk off in your mouth. No.

Oh, come on, man. You've changed. You just reminded me of this video. Oh, my God. I saw this guy. Yeah. He's skiing, and he sees something sticking up out of the snow.

And it's a snowboard flipped upside down. Oh, is there a person in there? Yeah. He starts, it's like, hey, can you hear me? And the guy sort of answers I think. Oh, this is a lot of guys will meet up anywhere.

Oh, my God. The guy's alive in there? It's completely upside down. You haven't seen this show? No, no. I thought this was a different one that I saw. So he just starts digging them out. He luckily had everything he needed.

He had a shovel in his bag. And there's no way if you don't test this dude's breath. This guy? That it doesn't know. Oh, my God. The oh my god I got you know water is on his way to be dead he's not said to be dead how did he find this guy dude the way he look I'll show you right how he sees it to go back to the beginning he's skiing with a friend and it's thick powder He's probably worried about his own life For sure and then all of a sudden I think oh he sees the little board right there

Yeah, and he has to get back up. That's insane. What are the what are the odds? Oh? My god, they didn't go there so scoot ahead to see him pull the dude out You're Back I'm gonna dig dude out. You all right? I think it's back. I'm going to help dig you out, okay? Thank you. Yeah, no problem, man. Thank you.

Oh, my God. This guy was done. Guy's polite. Feel more smelly from the mouth. There's his mouth. Oh, my God. Oh. Bro! It must feel like being reborn.

It must be exactly what it's like to be born. Look at this guy. He is deep under that shit. It was probably out cold. What did he breathe? I don't know. It must have happened like minutes before. Yeah, I haven't read any sort of follow-up on how long that guy was there.

Because this has happened. This happens. There's other stories I i found trying to find this one even how long can somebody breathe under snow i wonder yeah the other one i found the guy said he'd been there for six hours oh my god so air must be able to get in there then huh i don't know i mean i guess like wherever your space is that you know the creation of space from your head going under and then the snow covering. Maybe it's not perfect. There's some air.

Like maybe if you make as much space as you can when you're in there. How much air can get to you? If you had a plant with you. That guy was covered and he was upside down. I bet if you had like a small plant or something. How long does it take a plant to make air, oxygen? Do you think? You have to have like a little flower pot

with you. Yeah, I mean. Does it work like that? Don't use it all up so fast, but I would do little sips. Yeah. Like water if you're in the desert, just take a little sip every now and again. Man, what are the odds of that guy staying alive?

That's wild, man. he's got a new lease on life that's a fucked up way to go too because he was conscious under that that's scary fuck yeah it is being alive feels scary sometimes doesn't it just regular yeah how so just like i feel like it just you know it just feels kind of like i't know, it just feels a little spooky. Really? I think so sometimes. Sometimes? Like right now?

I think you have moments where you realize you're alive. You ever have moments like that? Like real moments where you're like, holy shit, I'm fucking alive. Yeah. It hits you in a weird way and you're like, I'm fucking alive. Like, what the hell? And then you, it's almost like the same when you have those feelings like, oh my gosh, one day I'm not going to be alive.

It's that same sort of like. That's a weird one. And it gets so like, there's just sometimes it drops into your body and you can really feel it. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Dude, you think the wind, do you think we could ever decipher the wind?

Like the wind, like you think the wind is do you think we could ever decipher the wind? Like the wind, like, you think the wind is ever trying to tell us something and we don't know how to hear it anymore? No. You don't think at all? The wind is just the wind. I don't think the wind is trying to tell you something. Maybe the earth is trying to tell you something. But do you think the earth might use the wind to try to tell us something? Because how else would it tell us?

Well, it would definitely be telling you something if you're an animal, that storms are coming. Right. Right. So if it tells you that, it could easily give you other information. Maybe. I think really you're learning it from the animals, though, who know it from the conditions.

There's like certain parts of the world where when storms are coming, like birds will stop chirping, everything gets real quiet, and then people kind of know, uh-oh. They've learned to know that when the animals behave a certain way, that a storm is coming. Can you imagine what it was like back in the day? We had no idea when a hurricane was coming. You're just, like, living on some seaside town.

Everything seems fine. About to go to bed. You're just whistling to your wife. She's like, play me a tune, Danny. And the sky becomes an angry monster that tears houses apart. Hello there. That's the sky. That's the wind talking to you.

That's the wind. Hey, what's up? They used to have some dudes that would get out there and try to let those. You think the wind could jerk you? You think the wind could make you ejaculate if it were powerful enough? There's nothing good there. I think you're horny. I think you're just thinking about cum a lot.

You got a lady friend? Nope. Maybe that's what's going on. Yeah, I just went on vacation by myself. Whoa, by yourself. Solo? Yep. Where'd you go?

Maui. Really? Mm-hmm. What do you do when you go on vacation by yourself. Solo? Yep. Where'd you go? Maui. Really? Mm-hmm. What do you do when you go on vacation by yourself? Just get up early, go to sleep early. I was trying to get my circadian clock or something to get. Rhythm, yeah. Reacclimated.

Did you go to like Four Seasons or something? Yes. And just hang out by yourself? Mm-hmm. Did you go by the pool? What did you do? Went by the pool, went in the beach. What else did I do? Did people hang out by yourself? Mm-hmm. Did you go by the pool? What did you do? Went by the pool, went in the beach. What else did I do?

Did people weird out by you? Like, hey, are you Theo Vaughn? Some people. Yeah. Meet a lot of people. And they're like, what are you doing? Like, oh, I'm on vacation by myself. You're a little weird.

Oh. Okay. You don't have friends or family or something? What made you decide to go to Maui by yourself? Where'd that come from well sometimes i like to have time by myself i don't get it i mean i guess i get a lot of time by myself but um i wanted to have nothing to do right and i wanted to go and get like in the beach where i feel like it's like there's something magical about the beach you know it's like this is where mother nature is really fucking, you know?

Yeah. This is where she's dialing up the good shit. So what was the thought process? You're sitting in front of your computer. You're like Googling places to go. I need a vacation. By yourself. Have you ever done that before?

No. I've never done that before either. This is my first one by myself. Yeah? So I thought, yeah, I just said I need a vacation. And then I was like, well, if I told myself I'm going to give myself a vacation, I need to make sure I do it. So that I'm not like building up this bad story with myself where I tell myself I'm going to do something and not do it. Oh.

So, yeah, I went on and I had a nice time. By yourself. Yeah. Relaxed. A lot of Filipinos over there. You know a lot of Hawaiians are low-key Filipinos. Really? Yeah.

I didn't know that. Oh, it's remarkable, man. I met so many Filipinos, man. They're great, huh? Oh, I love Filipinos. Fuck, they're good. Well, you know, I play a lot of pool.

How do they do it? They're just friendly people, man. Real friendly people. If I die, or whenever I die, if I die, I am going to, I want the last person

I see to be Filipino. Really? Easily. Who do you want to see, you think? Why Filipino? You're telling me you're dying, right?

You're like, oh gosh. And then some guys are like, hello. My name's Joey. Joey is a common Filipino name. Joey, yeah. Yeah.

Or Sonny. They have kind of easy names. Yeah, friendly names. Happy names, yeah. Happy names. Yeah. Yeah. Everything's fine.

You'll be like, okay. They're some of the best pool players in the world. Are they really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, the American GIs went over to Philippines in, I think it was the 1950s after World War II, and they introduced them to pool. I think that's how it happened, American pool. God, they're so good.

I mean, I just, I don't know. It's huge over there. The pool, playing pool is. Oh, my God, yeah. The real famous pool players, they're famous like a pro baseball player is famous over here. Like Efren Reyes, he's a celebrity in the Philippines. The greatest pool player of all time. He's from the Philippines.

Yeah, they make me the happiest when I see them. Interesting. There's something just so warm and accepting about them. Especially just island people in general. When you go to Hawaii, those motherfuckers know how to live. They know how to live. They know how to live. You live in paradise. You're walking around how to live. They know how to live. You're living in paradise.

You're walking around in flip-flops. Like, it's fine. Everything's going to be cool. Yeah, everything's fine, dude. Everything's cool. I love Maui. Yeah. It's a great place.

Well, you told me about it before, I think. And you told me to even stay at that hotel. Yeah, it's great. You know? Right. But Duncan went there. Mm-hmm. And when Duncan was there, somebody got ate by a shark.

Uh-uh. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Yeah, not even like that far away from the resort. I did snorkeling, and it was very alarming. It's spooky. Snorkeling is... Did you see that video of the dude in a kayak that gets attacked by a tiger shark while he's on the kayak?

Uh-uh. Bro, this dude's fishing on a kayak, a little kayak, like the size of this fucking table. And this tiger shark just comes zipping at him. Check this out. Watch this. Give me some volume. Look at this.

Ooh! Tiger shark! Holy shit, bro. Watch that again. Watch this again. Watch this motherfucker sneak up on him He's just chillin. This is off of wahoo Look at it coming

Bro fuck that You see that shark ram me ram you That motherfucker bit you He beat your boat look at it biting the man. That thing doesn't give a fuck, dude. They'll eat anything. They're so vicious. Those are the ones that bite people. Some kid just jumped off a ship the other day into the water.

Oh, yeah, he fell overboard, right? He jumped. Apparently it was a dare. This guy was out of Baton Rouge, actually. Was it on like a cruise ship? Yeah. Is he dead? He disappeared, yeah.

Ooh, disappeared. Yeah. Is he dead? He disappeared, yeah. Ooh. So he's either. Yeah. Disappeared. Would you rather, being disappeared is kind of interesting because you could come back. I don't think he disappeared. I think he drowned. Well, some people say they thought, in part of the video, they thought they see a shark. Hmm.

Do you see the video? In the middle of the ocean? Do you know, most fish are around the middle. Most fish are within like 200 miles of shore. I believe that. Yeah. Because where else would you go? Most of the open area, like when you go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep in the middle of the ocean, there ain't shit out there.

Nothing's out there. Yeah, it's like the desert. Oh, yeah, huh? Yeah. It's like the wet desert. I think that's true. Google that. The majority of fish are 200 miles like the wet desert. I think that's true. Google that. The majority of fish are 200 miles from shore.

I'm pretty sure that's true. I'm trying to think if I've seen a fish way out there before. Fuck those tiger sharks, though, right? Fuck those things. That's one of the ones that got the person when Duncan was staying there. Oh, yeah. Look, dude, I started snorkeling, so finally i realized like there wasn't even any fish there i was like this is bad and the water would lift you up and then it would like set you down

like in a bunch of rocks and i'm like this is real scary so i had to come back in and i knew it was weird because like the lifeguards were looking at me so i was like getting out there yeah i was like it is people get out there man you watch them swim out there and you know some dude from fucking cleveland the camp later on the ocean and he's out there deep, deep, deep. Yeah, this one is wet as heck. You can get jacked. You can get jacked by a fucking ocean werewolf. That tiger shark is an ocean werewolf.

And that thing just leaped out of the water and bit that dude's boat. Fuck, man. I mean, what did it think that was? People say, oh, it thought you were a seal. That did not think that was like people say oh they thought you were a seal that did not think that that was a seal that thing probably thought it was a boat there's a person on that boat i'd like to eat that person well nature's fucking probably getting pissed after all the shit that has been happening to mother nature that she's gonna send animals she's gonna send weather she's gonna send storm she's gonna send snow to try to kill that guy i believe that

mother nature is gonna have a play in all of this why does mother nature go after the sackler family hopefully she'll get to him how would she get to him you think i don't know i fucking hate those people so much though yeah it's evil i mean it's evil man they're just balling just eating caviar driving around rollss Royces. But they don't have any feelings. Well, I think what happens with people when they're a part of something really big, it's called a diffusion of responsibility because there's so many people there. They say that if you're in a crowded area and someone gets jumped by someone,

someone's beating that person up, you feel less likely. You feel like you don't have anything to do with it. You don't have to intervene because so many other people there, they're not going to do it. If you're not going to do it, they're not going to do it. It's a diffusion of responsibility. So many people, but if it was just you and another person, that person was getting attacked and they're like, help me, help me. You would feel compelled to help because it's only you. I think when you're a part of an enormous corporation that has thousands of employees that's doing evil shit like the Sackler family, I think you just think you're a part of a thing and you think you could probably dismiss it by saying, well, for most

people, this provides them the needed relief from pain. And if used correctly, there's not an issue, but it's an incredibly dangerous drug issue but it's an incredibly dangerous drug and it's an incredibly dangerous drug that's given out far too frequently far too easily and I know this from my own personal experience I had my nose fixed had a deviated septum and the guy fixed my nose and he wakes me up you know after the you know after you go under and I have these things stuffed in my nose my nostrils stuffed up and he offers me two different painkillers oh dang he writes me a prescription for two different

painkillers I go well how painful is this gonna get and he goes well a lot of people find it very painful and a lot of discomfort and this will help you and I go but is it gonna get more uncomfortable than right now and he's like well how do you feel right now I go I feel fine like it's not it's not even hurt and I'm like okay he goes I really think you should fill these because otherwise you know if you need it you're not going to have anything you're going to be miserable I'm like okay so uh I didn't and I went home and I waited and I'm like, I don't feel bad at all. Like I feel fine. And after a certain amount of time, you take the things out of your nose and they had stuck these plastic splints in my nose. Oh, yeah.

And they remove all that stuff. And I never took anything. And I never felt pain. But this guy had given me this stuff. And he gave me two different ones. And he was a really good doctor. different ones like and he was a really good doctor it's not like he was a fucking quack if i decided to just start popping them i'd be like ah hey man i need it i got an operation i need it yeah meanwhile there's not a corvette

yeah there was nothing wrong with me like i was fine like after the operation after i woke up from the anesthesia i mean it was didn't feel great but it wasn't like i'm in agony yeah so they're just giving me oxycodone yeah and i'm not even hurt it's not like i need something give me something for the pain oh my god i'm in agony he was like how do you feel like i feel pretty good like i wasn't being a tough guy i was like there's nothing here yeah it's like a mild discomfort and most of the discomfort was because my nose was stuffed with these sponges Yeah, yeah, and tubes they give you like plastic straws that poke out of the bottom. You know, it's dripping down onto the upper lip Yeah, but it wasn't that bad it was barely a Problem. Yeah. Well look I think they just give them out and people now

we're so used to also we're really comfortable just taking whatever's going to make us check out for a minute yes that's the reality that's the reality that's the reality and that's what you have guys like Ryan Holiday did he come on here yeah where you have guys that are taught that talk a lot about like that moment where you choose between what's comfortable or what is easy and this other like more long term thing. What is the long term? And we've just gotten very used to taking that easy thing. And it's just it's some of that is also just us getting acclimated to technology and advancements. And a lot of those things are good for us. And so we're used to that.

Well, a lot of people have a really hard time delaying gratitude. Yeah. Which is why they overeat. Oh, yeah. Which is why they don't exercise. Which is why they take pills. They want it now. Jerking off, even.

Yeah? The number one. Is that your number one? I mean, it has definitely for my 20s. Do you try not to look at porn yeah how's that go i mean it's gone better if i'm real honest with you i'll say this though i do believe and a lot there's probably a lot of men that if you lay on your back and masturbate, have you done this?

I like how you just pointed it out. I don't know where you're going. If you lay on your back and jerk off with your legs in the air. You keep saying this. I don't know that I've done that. Somebody drew it somewhere and I saw it. Someone drew it in a diagram. This is the gayest thing ever.

Something about feet up in the air, whack it off. You guys need to get your lives together. Yeah, we do. I'm learning from you. Please, tell me more. You guys have changed a lot. I'm just saying, if we could decipher the wind, we would figure all this out. Maybe.

Maybe it's the earth itself that's trying to give us messages. I got a video for you guys. What's this? What is Biden doing? He fell down again? Yeah. Is this today? Yeah. Okay. I can't. I can't anymore. Well, here's the sad thing, man. And I say this because, look,

my dad was 70 when I was born. My dad was an old man. Yeah. So I grew up around a lot of environments where sometimes people would take advantage of my dad because he was old. he just fell he didn't even fall for a reason right but it's just not fair like at a certain point you can't it's not cool for old it's not cool to old people to do that to them no like he doesn't know this is happening to him yeah but he kind of does and he's kind of a cunt well that could be true but he doesn't know he's always been a cunt though if you go back and listen to that guy lying about his his education

record and lying about his accomplishments and like he's always been a problem yeah politician that whole yeah it's a fucking and also the all the fucking stuff with his son and the ties to ukraine and china and the money the family that they got paid millions of dollars and everyone's trying to obscure it because well it's better than trump better than trump if that guy was a republican they would be up his ass with a microscope i know it is unbelievable but he represents the what they thought was a Like a sane alternative to what President Trump was yeah They thought this is insane Donald Trump is the president fuck that anything is better than him

And so they went with this corrupt career politician. Yeah, I mean it's wild stuff man They even got the FBI involved in telling twitter to censor the information about the laptop it's crazy but how do we get out of that space how do we because we're starting to turn into one of those kind of like uh central american countries where the government is so complex like it's crazy it used to be a long time ago like if the secrets of our country got out like during watergate or whatever right people were like fuck no but now if the secrets of our country got out like during Watergate or whatever, right? People were like, fuck no. But now if the secrets get out, people are like,

fuck yes. Tell us what's going. You know what I'm saying? It's interesting how that's kind of changed. Like before it would be like, if any like top secret documents or whatever were released, it would seem like wrong. but now if they're released, we want to know what it is.

Does that make any sense? Well, when was top secret documents released that are showing that someone is behaving in an illegal way where it's bad? I mean, Watergate. That was what Watergate was all about. Yeah. They found out that Nixon was spying. I mean, I think the problem is that, first of all, the media is overwhelmingly left-leaning.

And if you have a left-leaning politician or a left-wing Democratic politician, and then you have this media that essentially works to support that person. I mean, they ignore any information that leads to distrust in the government or distrust in this administration or distrust in this party, this political party? Yeah, it's the dark arts, man. It is the dark. That's the real dark arts. It really is. And you know what?

I think one thing that we need, I think, would be nice. I wish there was an app, right? And everybody has an app idea. But I wish there was an app where when you went to a business you could tell where they put their political money right so then it would start to affect the bottom lines of companies so then those companies would stop because i think you have to get a little of that's going on right now with all the woke shit like target lost billions of

dollars because they tried to have this pride selection oh yeah gay mannequins yeah they well they had all these like pride children's shirts and gay children yeah and then obviously the bud light thing with dylan mulvaney they've lost 20 plus billion dollars you imagine you're just gonna send a fucking can to some confused person that day 365 of womanhood and you send that person a fucking can with their face on and your company loses $20 billion. That is wild shit, man. So we're seeing that now where we never saw that before, where people are going, enough. Right. Enough.

Stop shoving this down everybody's throat. When I go to Target, I don't want to see, like, fucking tuck pants. They're designed to help you tuck your dick. Like, hey, that's not normal. And I don't want that right in front of everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's weird. I don't want to see a diaper for a baby where they can hide his

dick under him or whatever yeah i don't think they have those but but they will soon they yeah they might but there's a lot of just fucking real weirdness with this group of people that is trying to like change the way people view sexuality and gender and all these different it's like they're they're proselytizing it's not as simple as they're you would stop that at the i would think you would stop that say if they had an application where i could say okay i'm gonna go buy coffee i'm gonna go buy a hat i'm gonna buy a corset whatever i want to get and i can look on this app first i'm just picturing you with a cup of coffee a hat and a corset you gotta look out first. I'm just picturing you with a cup of coffee, a hat, and a corset. Yeah, do whatever, dude.

You got to fucking look out for yourself, dude. I'm picturing you buck naked with a corset on, drinking a cup of coffee with a hat on. I'm fully clothed, bro. Jerking off with your feet in the air. Hey, bro. Hey, dude. You've changed. No, bro.

You fucking changed, bro. You got the fucking wrong idea, dude. What's in these? A lot. Take a sip of that. Get yourself right. No, bro. You fucking changed, bro. You got the fucking wrong idea, dude. What's in these? A lot. Take a sip of that. Get yourself right. Take a sniff. But if there was an app, though, that's what I want.

An app where I say, if I support this company, right, with my money, what does that company support? Right. Because then I think you're going to get a lot of people are going to be able to support, at least put their money where their beliefs are. I think there's a thing like that. There's an app that shows supported America apps. But you need an even one.

You need one that's down the middle. There's a lot of companies now that are really emphasizing American-made. What if these melons are american made woof um i'm a part of a company called origin and origin produces they make everything in america everything they make except for like there's like one or two items that they they're very transparent about it like some of the parts of the soul of the shoe the boots that they make these handmade boots are made in south america but everything else all the parts of the sole of the boots that they make, these handmade boots, are made in South America. But everything else, all the fabric, all the thread, all the workers, all the machines, everything is made in America.

They make hunting gear. They make these great stretchy jeans. They make great handmade boots, like real high quality stuff. I like a boot. They make jujitsu geese. Origin. Check out Origin. They're the shit. It's it's all american made jaco is a big part of it he's the one who brought me in on the company oh yeah cam haynes is a part of the company now too it's just the first american made hunting apparel company because even though hunting is like this great american pastime

a lot of the clothing that you're making that they're making is made from china a lot of the clothing that you're making that they're making is made from China a lot of the textiles a lot of the stuff is made from China I went turkey hunting I saw since I saw you last man yeah who did you go with this guy Michael Waddell that's right Michael Waddell Michael Waddell's a legend yeah he knows his shit man he's a fun dude oh he's a really great on the meat eater podcast with Steve Rinella oh yeah, yeah? Yeah, he was great. He's very entertaining to be around. Very entertaining. Yeah, me and this guy, Caleb Presley, went, and everybody's chasing those gobblers. That's what they call them.

Yeah. Did you get one? No. Well, what happened was we saw them, right? We waited two mornings. We didn't get one. Then we're leaving, right? We're driving out, and they're all like the game's over. Then we're leaving, right? We're driving out, and they're all like, the game's over.

The hunt's over, right? You see some turkeys by the side of the road, and they were just, like, they were, like, in the locker room after the game. Like, it's over, right? One of them has a towel on his neck. One of them's fucking texting his wife, right? Like, they're fucking chilling, you know? And. This is you sneaking up on them?

No, this is my buddy Caleb shot one. Okay. So you didn't wind up getting one. So tell me what happened with the ones over on the side of the road. Yeah, they snuck up on them? No, this is my buddy Caleb shot one. Oh, okay. So you didn't wind up getting one. So tell me what happened with the ones that were on the side of the road. Yeah, they snuck up on them right here, dude. I mean, they're having lunch. It was over. Oh, so these are the ones that were on the side of the road.

Yeah, they fucking snuck up on some that were in the locker room, bro. The game was over. They fucking killed one of them. Well, that's how it goes. The game is always on. As long as the season's open, the game is on. And that's what I guess I realized. Yeah.

Every now and then, you catch one slipping. Oh, they caught, they took this turkey. They, I mean, its whole head disappeared. Turkey hunting is like elk hunting in the way where you're trying to get them closer to you. You're calling them in. That's why people, one of the things that people like about it, it's so exciting. And the turkey's like, is that pussy? Yeah.

Do I hear pussy? Like they have these turkey decoys and they set these turkey decoys up. They wouldn't let me hold the gun either. They wouldn't? Why not? They said it was some issue. What was the issue? I'm not sure.

We should take you hog hunting. Ooh. I want to do it where you get to do it with actual hands on. You want to do that? Yeah. You know they use dogs with that. That's fine. The dogs hold the pig down and then you went up and stab it.

I'm so not interested in that. I've been offered to do that too. If we pray first, I would do it. Why would that help? Just to fucking make it even, you know? I just want to at least let God know what I'm doing. I think God knows what you're doing. You're out there killing pigs.

All right, well, look, man. But pigs are one of the best animals to hunt because they are absolutely an invasive species that has to be controlled. And I don't like pigs. I'll say that. Yeah. I kind of like them. I like them when they're domesticated, but that's not a real pig. Yeah.

Like, pigs are a weird animal man if you let them go like do you take a domesticated pig and you let it go within six weeks they start to transform their snout extends their hair changes it gets bigger and bushier their their tusks grow like werewolves yeah like a wild pig that you see is essentially a domestic pig that got wild. They're the same animal. That's what's crazy. Wow. You know, there's different versions of them, but that's the same animal. Damn.

Yeah, it's all called Suscrafa. It's the same genus. That's the whole group called Suscrafa? Yeah. I would love to have some real wild fucking bacon. Do they have boar bacon? It's hard to get bacon off of a wild pig because they're not as fat.

But agriculture pigs, like pigs that steal from farms, you can get bacon off of them because they're eating people's crops and fattening up. Some of them are fat as fuck. Acorns, sometimes you get. I shot one that had eaten a lot of acorns. And there was like an acorny smell to the fat.

Oh my god, they're delicious. Me and John Dudley, we went pig hunting in Tohon Ranch. I shot this pig and we cooked it on the Traeger. Oh my God, it was sensational. It was so good. That sounds good. We slow smoked it on a Traeger. Oh, it was a fall off the bone.

It was delicious. God, I fucking want. It was so good. I love some. It was fatty and moist and delicious. I was delicious. God, I fucking want it. It was so good. It was fatty and moist and delicious. I love that. But you gotta cook pigs to a high temperature to avoid trichinosis, especially

wild pigs. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what is trichinosis? It has what, spiders? No, trichinosis is like a parasite. And most, it's really weird, but I think 90% of the cases of trichinosis in North America are from bear, from people eating bear. Because they just don't cook it enough.

You have to cook bear like you cook bacon. You've got to cook it all the way. When you get store-bought bacon or store-bought ham even, you don't have to cook it as much as they used to make you cook it because these animals never come in contact with trichinosis. They're not free-range animals.

Yeah, they're just hiding in like a, basically a little farm or something. They get it from eating animals that have it. So if you get trichinosis, you keep trichinosis

for your whole life and if you died and somebody ate you, they would get trichinosis if they didn't cook you. What if you have a child, can you transfer it through DNA?

That's a good question. I don't know the answer. Hmm. Hmm. Checkmate. There the answer. Hmm. Hmm. Checkmate. Should we end with that? Yeah, let's end, man. Thank you, man.

It's always a pleasure to hang with you. Always good to see you. I had a great time. Congratulations on your club. Thank you. Thanks for being there, man. It was fun. Fun to watch you murder last night. It was a good time. So cool. I'll be around for the next few weeks, man. Let's go, Theo Vaughn. Let's go. Alright. Bye, everybody.