The Joe Rogan Experience - #2 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: December 29, 2009

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

Start recording. BAM! It's happening right now, bitches. It says off-air, though, look. Hmm? It says off-air. Oh, well, you have to refresh that screen. Wait, what? Too hot already. Alright, here we go.

We're live, bitches. It's me and Batman. I got Batman with me, so don't fuck around. This is some new show, everybody, what this is. This is some new badass jacket that you can get that allows you to also be a robber. You can be a bank robber, and you don't even have to wear a ski mask and look suspicious. This is like a mask that comes with this fucking thing. Show everybody.

Stop that. Okay. Show everybody. How dumb is that? It turns into the hood. It's a hood, but it's a mask. So in these hard economic times, why is that? It turns into the hood. It's a hood, but it's a mask. So in these hard economic times... Why is this...

Is there another version of that somewhere? There's another window open somewhere. See, there's a girl that died. That snorted that giant lion cat. Oh, really? I don't really know if she died. There are people on the internet saying she died. Alright. What's up, bitches? How's everybody doing?

We've got two things going on here. We've got this Twitter thing. If you Twitter your questions will answer your questions from that or if you go to my website which is forums Joe Rogan dotnet people asking much of Don dumbass fucking questions god damn it this fella yeah hate that dude

alright that's all good alright what's happening fuckers what's going on give me some questions some good ones how many bong hits tonight

we haven't taken any bong hits we've only used a little little pipe that somebody gave me no bong hits bitches bong hits for Jesus

is that Alex Jones? where? the microphone where? on the left. See that? This? It's not really Alex, though.

He doesn't do it. Somebody does it for him. Well, I don't know who's doing it, but they're doing a really good job getting all the information. Can you imagine what his Christmas dinner was like? He had Charlie Sheen to talk about. He had terrorism to talk about.

Somehow they connected with each other. Yeah. He'll probably have something. something well Charlie didn't do anything it's the government doesn't want Charlie out there talking about 9-11 I'm half Joey Diaz half Alex Jones he knows that that's I'm too high ladies and gentlemen I'm too high to be doing this show this is ridiculous ridiculous. This is the weed that they have here in California. It's just too goddamn strong, ladies and gentlemen.

It's medical. You can just buy it from a fucking store. Shit is outrageous. And that's train wreck. That's not even, that's like one of the best ones you can get.

I don't like how you guys are looking down at me. It makes me uncomfortable. I wish we were looking eye to eye on the same level. I'm gonna have to set this up so that we're looking eye to eye. It feels weird looking up at that thing. You need a smaller monitor. I can trade you.

You're so nice. All right. Questions, questions, questions. Let's go to the Rogan board. We're going to go to forums.joerogan.net to the official 1229 Ustream podcast thread where the questions are not limited to a gay 140 characters. That shit's ridiculous.

Do you think there will be one world government in our life, or do you think it will actually, and how do you think it will actually affect us? I think that's possible. That's very possible. If they can get the money sorted out between all these fucking scumbags that run these world governments, yeah, they would all agree to one gigantic system of government.

The problem with one gigantic system of government is, though, even though it would be harder for corruption, it would be... It's also harder to keep people in line because you have to have enemies. You have to have, like, you know, the Turks hate the fucking Iranians hate the this, hate the that that if you don't

have that conflict it's very difficult to keep people in line you know and if we were all the United States of America then we'd start arguing about money we'd start arguing about taxes we start arguing you know if we're all one thing it makes it very difficult to do but as far as like giant international banks they might already be in cahoots or close enough to one world government I mean there might be like a few that are really pulling the strings and running things but i mean you know because the future of the government was just the internet so every time you wanted to vote it was just like going on a message board and voting like hey should we have legal insurance vote now yeah

that would be pretty good there'd be like four of the people then people would hack it yeah you know that's it's it's all good on paper but, but anything that you do on the internet now, like dudes who play poker, you never know if you're playing poker against a real dude. You could easily be playing poker against a computer, right? I mean, I don't know what kind of programs they run, but it seems to me like at this point in time, people can hack just about anything.

I mean, there's programs like, that's the problem with these drones that they have. You heard about this? Those drones? Kids are hacking into the drones. Like the airplanes, the drones that check the borders and stuff. Yeah, well, they don't just check borders. They launch missiles.

Right. They have these fucking things, these drones that shoot these things called Hellfire missiles. And they use them in Pakistan and all these places where we're not really supposed to be. And they just fly in and jack people. and all these places where we're not really supposed to be, and they just fly in and jack people. Well, the insurgents have figured out how to hack the code and actually view the monitor. It's crazy shit, man.

Speaking of crazy shit, I really do have to take a shit. We planned this out best. I'm going to take a shit, and Brian's going to answer questions. And that's a $29 program that they use just to hack our videos. So you answer questions, I'll be on the bowl. I can answer questions from here too. There is a toilet in his office. What is your opinion?

Let's go back to Twitter. Joe doesn't make the extract Listerine packages. It's actually one of the products that's sold here in California. When you have a medical marijuana license, you can go to a store and they sell the Listerine at the store. It looks like Listerine strips. So no, he doesn't make them himself. Joe has not seen Avatar yet. We're the last two people to see Avatar. And we're supposed to see it this week.

It's pretty annoying not being the last one to see it. Underwear bomber was staged any thoughts i have no idea what that means the dude from the the airplane uh stage under coverage the government man for what the government yeah i think he's just a retard no yeah joe just thinks he's a retard i think it shows you how The government Yeah Yeah Joe just thinks he's a retard You guys probably didn't hear that But he thinks it's pretty ridiculous how One guy did all of that

And that's how bad our security is And now shit's all fucked up from that one dude yeah security lines are five hours long now right one guy it shows you how fragile the system is joe is not we're not reading the chat on you stream uh joe is only doing the twitter so if you want have a message joe answered if you put it on Twitter or Joe Rogan's website, which is forums.joerogan.net. He's taking a shit right now,

so he'll be right back. So important. I have to take a shit or I wouldn't be able to concentrate. It's the coffee. Sorry, it's the Starbucks coffee. Let's see. Let's go back to the...

Alright, I'm going to go read some messages on Joe's website. Forums.joerogan.net. Joe will be right back. Let's go. Almost 300. All right. Yeah, I have the Dark Vader Mark Echo sweatshirt also. But yeah, that Boba Fett one's pretty sweet. I have realized though, it's pretty gay when you're by yourself and not with friends with these sweatshirts there's the Boba Fett one

oh sweet I think Mark Lehman had one of those and he wore it to the UFC Mark Lehman is a comic book nerd and a jujitsu fiend who teaches a lot of guys who fight in the MMA world. He teaches them jujitsu and he's a big video game junkie and he had a bubble fat one.

It's pretty dope. Pretty dope. All right. Questions. Questions from the Twitter world. My Twitter tweet deck is too long. I couldn't get to refresh it and I think it's the API thing again. Do you mind if I close that and use the Ustream one only? Questions? Questions from the Twitter world? My Twitter tweet deck is too long. I couldn't get to refresh it and I think it's the API thing again.

Do you mind if I close that and use the Ustream one only? Okay. Oh, I see it's not closed yet. Just shut off. I always forget that. Alright. Twitter on Ustream. Let's go with the questions here, bitches. alright twitter on new stream let's go with the questions here bitches when am I back in Ireland I'm not going to be back in Ireland until the UFC is back in Ireland

it's not financially feasible for me to make those trips without the UFC to the UK but every time I'm there if there's a show if we're doing the UFC in Ireland for sure I'll be doing stand-up comedy there they could hear the force they could hear me did you hear me take it down it was so strong I couldn't resist it I knew I had to go I didn't

want to I wanted to uh i wanted to be able to just man up and push through the whole u stream but i was like i'm gonna do a bad job because i'm gonna just be thinking about this dump i have to take so what were we talking about before i took off because it was kind of important stuff uh um i think the one world thing is the last thing you talked about. Oh, that was the first question. One world government in our lifetime. I don't know, man. I had a lot more faith before Obama got elected, I'll tell you that.

I thought that maybe what we had was a corrupt situation, and that Bush and Cheney were corrupt, and that if we got somebody else in there, maybe they could straighten everything out. But after Obama got elected, man, it became pretty clear to me that someone else besides the president obviously is pulling the strings. Obama didn't want to send more troops. Obama didn't want to go to Afghanistan to bring more people to Afghanistan. He wanted to pull out of Guantanamo Bay and close Guantanamo Bay down, all that shit, but I don't think

he gets to say what the fuck they do. Or he was just saying that kind of shit to get elected. You know, I mean, the old Bill Hicks joke comes to mind, you know, that American politics is, you know, I like the puppet on the right. Well, I find the puppet to the left to be more to my liking. Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding both puppets. I think it's very, what are you doing? It's not doing anything. I'm just... I know, but There's one guy holding both puppets. I think it's right. What are you doing? It's not doing anything. I'm just... I know, but you're

distracting the shit out of me. I just... You're closing the screen and moving shit around. Fucking psycho. He's a tweaker, but not like the meth kind like he has to tweak things.

Like, hmm, let's optimize my internet. So he's the kind of dude that hacks into his registry to make his internet like one kbh faster. You're one of those dudes, right? Do you remember when computers first came out and I always had I had the friend that said that he could hack into the library and like get rid of all the

doofies and stuff like that I was wondering if that was real if he was just pulling my leg though well definitely there were some systems that you could hack into if you were a wizard you know isn't that what well Mitnick did a lot of shit with like phone calls right didn't like get information from people yeah it wasn't even that he was like this great hacker it was just he was kind of like a con man by the way did you read that they just hacked the like a 21 year old code that the scram that scrambles our phone calls on cell phones so now and the guys the hackers put it on the internet so anyone could have it.

So now, I mean, of course, it's probably not going to happen to us anytime soon, but now there's actually people that have the code that they can listen to your phone calls. Holy shit. But it's a 21-year-old code. It's like a 64-bit code. I think that's where the world is headed to.

I think that's where, I think that's the future. The future is there's not going to be any private information. I think what we're seeing with this Tiger Woods thing, I think we're seeing the future of things to come. With him, it's obviously that he's a celebrity. But the way that everybody is swarming after this information, me too, man. I can't fucking put down an Us Weekly.

If I see an Us Weekly at the market and there's some new Tiger Woods information, I, man. I can't fucking put down an Us Weekly. If I see an Us Weekly at the market and there's some new Tiger Woods information, I grab that. I can't fucking help it. You know, I think eventually there's not going to be any secrets. I think eventually we're going to get to a point where the way information is being distributed

is changing the way we feel about information. I mean, it's a weird... With celebrities, it's one thing. We're looking at it like, well, these are famous people. It's like they give up that right. Once you start putting yourself in the public eye, you give up that right to privacy. Well, eventually that's going to happen.

It's happening with Facebook accounts too. Girls are doing stupid shit in their Facebook accounts and it gets all the internet. They go, well, she gave up her right when she put it on Facebook. It's like that new Google goggles where you can just take a photo of anything and it figures out what it is and then searches it for you. So you can now like go to a – like if you see like a can of pop. Right. You can take a picture of it.

It knows what it is. It Googles it. But you can – it's starting to get where you can – they're going to do it where you can do flowers and plants and anything. So pretty soon everything's going to be Google searched. So there is no privacy. So while I'm here, I could, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah. I mean, eventually I'm sure that shit is going to make its way into your house. Well, it's already is. Google goggles came out on the Android. No, but I mean, I mean, you'd be able to search someone's house. Oh, yeah.

Take a photo and you'll be able to go, oh, this guy lives at 97 Woodcrest Road in Columbia. Right. People, five years ago you put a picture on your Facebook, a Christmas photo that has like your bookshelf in the background. Now, present day, that's going to start researching every single book that's on your shelf and it's going to put in a database somewhere and a GPS location. You know what I mean? So like when you're searching for something, you're going to be like, Oh, Joe has that book at home.

I think what's happening, I think what's happening with Twitter and what's happening with Facebook and what's happening with the, just the internet in general is there's way more connectivity between all human beings. And a part of that is access to information. So that information is not going to be like it is now. It's not going to be private.

I think eventually technology will come to the point where lying will be absolutely impossible and you will know everything that everybody else knows. And everyone's going to try to hold back on it for a while because people have a lot of dirty secrets. They do a lot of creepy shit. But I think ultimately it's probably going to be good for everybody. I do think that that's where we're headed. I think we're headed to

a point where everybody has access to all the information that everybody else has. And not just like you go on the internet and you search for it. Not like in a rudimentary way where you have to actively look for it. I think it's going to be right there. I think there's going to eventually come, there's going to, they're going to

eventually get to a point where there's some sort of technology that's created that allows human minds to interface with other human minds. I think that that's definitely where this is all going. I mean, when there's talk of neural implants and all these different things, people think that's all crazy, but that's, that's a small step from where we are in comparison to where we were just a couple hundred years ago. I mean just a couple hundred years ago i mean a couple hundred years ago the fastest mode of transportation was riding a fucking animal think about that you had to ride 300 years ago the fastest shit on land is to ride an animal or have an animal pull you behind something with wheels or a slave yeah but slaves can't run as

fast as some of those guys can no way not a horse this guy's an idiot i can't run as fast as animals. Some of those guys can. No way. Not a horse. This guy's an idiot. I can't believe I'm doing this. But, I mean, think about what a monumental leap between the transference of information today in 2009 and in 1709. I mean, think about what we can do right now. We can send a fucking picture across, you know, space. Send it through the air and it literally arrives I mean if I have a friend in the UK and I want to send him a picture in a text message I can take the picture send it and it gets to him what just like that I

mean that's fucking incredible I mean it literally will get there in seconds we don't even we can't even fathom how nuts that is because we do it all the time. What's coming next is going to make that seem like riding a horse. That's what's happening. That's what I think is happening. That's what I think is this whole, this rush for information that everybody has, this insane desire that human beings have for the newest, greatest, latest technology. You know, even when you don't need it. People are always trying to pump up their computers. The only reason why you need a pumped up computer really is to play video games or if you're crunching video like he needs stuff like that when he makes videos

just for raw computing power. But the average person is not crunching videos. We've hit a wall in computers in general. You really don't need even the fastest computers now, the video programs aren't even... Yeah, that's why everybody's into those little netbooks. Those netbooks are the shit. Except for watching HD videos. Right, yeah.

That kind of sucks. And you can't load a CD into it either, a DVD, right? Yeah, but that technology is like talking about the floppy drive right before the floppy drive left. You know, like CDs and DVDs are out the door. Even Blu-rays have like such a small shelf life. Do you think it's ever going to get to a point where bandwidth will be so broad in like mobile functions, like laptops and phones, like those little mobile cards, it'll be so powerful that it'll be just like your home?

Oh, totally. It's going to be all that pretty soon. So it'll basically be like everything will be broadband. Do we even know what the fuck that is doing to human beings? You know? Like, they talk about cell phones causing radiation. One week they say it's bad, one week

they say it's okay. Do you think that it's possible that that's altering human beings? Giving kids autism probably. It might be that. It might be that. It might also be fucking with bees. There's been speculation that it's been fucking with bees.

And there's also been speculation that it's some crazy virus. I've read that as well. But there's also been speculation that Wi-Fi signals and cell phone signals, that it fucks with bees' ability to transmit. We did a thing for Fear Factor once with bees, man, and it was a fucking trip because this guy was a beekeeper and he had all these bees that he brought with him. So the stunt was these dudes, they had to be strapped to this pole. We strap them to the pole and then we cover them with bees and they have to stand there for like

five minutes. They were getting fucked up because every now and then the bees would argue or something. They'd sting the dude and it was bad. They got stung up. Well, while this was all going on, and while this guy's tending to these bees and caring for these bees, a local swarm of bees came in. So our bees and their bees were talking it out, and we had to back up. Everybody had to get off the set.

We had to close down the set. We had to close down the stunt, and everybody had to move back. And the beekeeper's saying, we've got a you know, a local band of bees has moved in. I forget what he calls them. I don't know. A hive? A hive, yeah.

But that's like a... No. I don't know. Whatever. A local band of bees had moved in to sort it out with these bees. So our bees and their bees were just this fucking swarm in the sky. And they were fighting. They were just talking.

Like, so what's up? What are you guys doing? Oh, we're working for Fear Factor, you know. Working for Fear Factor. We got some dudes. We're going to cover them in bees and shit. They were like working out what was going on. And then they resolved their differences

and the local bees went a separate way and then his bees stayed. Was it like a black cloud? Yes! That's crazy. Dude, it was nuts. It was a big fucking cloud of bees in the air and the bees were

communicating where's your cell phone why weren't you filming back it was back in a day you didn't have an e7 no e18 or whatever motorola we had to press four times to get an s do you remember how bad those little motorolas were it was like e815 is that what it was yeah i had one of those but um so we they wonder if that's fucking with bees if our cell phone signals and everything are fucking with bees it's that autism thing man it might be something totally like that it could be it also you know a lot of speculation about autism is the age of the parents and that uh that women are having babies like into their 30s and 40s and that increases the risk a lot of people have talked about that that's um it's very very possible it makes sense man you know when we're just older and smarter and we look at it now and we say well god

you know how stupid would it be to have a kid when you're 18 when you're 18 you're an idiot which is absolutely true but when you're an 18 year old idiot your genetics are much stronger and you could you could have a kid and the kid probably wouldn't be as fucked up. I mean, the reality is, even though we are lengthening our lifetimes with nutrition and science, and we're figuring out a way to make people live longer, really, people aren't supposed to live much longer than, like, 50. Back in the day, if you lived to be 50, holy shit, you pulled off an amazing thing. But not anymore. pulled off an amazing thing you know but not not anymore now people are going to be 110 and you got Sylvester Stallone is 62 years old he's fucking yoked and

shredded you know things are getting very strange now that's why guys are smart they would just knock up 18 year old girls when they want to get you know yeah girls would definitely give you the better genetics. The real question, though, is do you get anything other than, you know, like hair, color, eye color, personality? Do you get learned experiences? And is it better off to have a parent with a lot of experiences? Are those experiences transferred through DNA? I never thought of that. Because they didn't used to think it was.

They used to think that ideas were only, they were native to the person who had the idea. But now they're starting to think that memes can actually be transferred through genetics. And that useless traits, even like racism, racism can be transferred through genetics. And it kind of makes sense because there's a lot of things that we have inside our genetics and our instincts that are basically ancient learned things. Like, for instance, there's a dude named Rupert Sheldrake. Rupert Sheldrake is like this evolutionary biologist dude. And he pointed out that children that live in New York City, they don't have dreams about like muggers or car accidents. They have nightmares about monsters about scary monsters

And the reason they have nightmares about scary monsters is because back in our heads somewhere deep in our DNA We remember back when we were like monkeys when we were these these little apes hanging around in trees and you're running away from big cats and That that shit is always in our head because that is like the number one thing that was uh that fed off of uh off chimps and apes is is big cats big cats are constantly killing monkeys and chimps and apes and that's like when they find like old human beings like you know the the you know evolutionary versions of human beings you know subhuman hominoids, the, you know, evolutionary versions of human beings, you know, subhuman hominoids, they find all their skeletons, like a lot of them have like big

fucking cat bites, big, you know, markings. So that's like, that's like some memory that we have ingrained in our, in our genetics, you know, in whoever the fuck we are. It's very possible that if you're like 18 years old and you know, you have fuck a chick and she's 18 you're both retarded you're gonna you're gonna have a dumb ass kid you know i mean that might be it might not just be you know your hair color and your eye color and how tall you're going to be it might be your actual experiences and your human potential like that second yeah maybe yeah yeah maybe if you're a loser like if you're a fucking, if you get hammered and you're fucked up and your life is in the toilet and you bang some chick who's on the rebound and her old boyfriend needs to beat her and you shoot a load in her, maybe a kid would be just like really fucking dumb and prone to make terrible mistakes. I mean maybe he can get past it, but maybe his inclination, like maybe we start off in a certain place in life, not just based on the economic situation that our parents are in and who the people we grow up with and what our – maybe it's – maybe it's our position starts out based on what the parents were thinking and doing when they fucked and conceived you.

on what the parents were thinking and doing when they fucked and conceived you. Like maybe if that's the lowest point in their life, you, not even because of the way they raise you, they could take you away and raise you in an orphanage somewhere, totally different, but your potential is limited by the circumstances in which you were conceived. Do you think that's possible? Maybe. I don't think we have any idea. So I think anything's possible. But it's very obvious that there's a bunch of different types of humans. There's like super powerful, super successful, super smart humans.

And there's really fucking dumb people. I think it's the percentage of your brain being used. I think people use more brain than other people. And I think it's such a small percentage, but even that, you know? Yeah, maybe. That's the real way to become a superhero. Find out how to use 100% of your brain. But isn't that bullshit?

I've heard that that's bullshit. That we don't use 100%? Yeah. Well, I mean, when they hook it up, it shows the... Yeah, but that's not what that part is for. You know, I think that whole, you know, human beings only use 10% of their brain, I think that's a myth. Yeah, I think it's for. You know, I think that whole, you know, human beings only use 10% of their brain,

I think that's a myth. I think it's a myth. Well, they don't know exactly what every part of the brain is for. It's like, they're still like,

it's like, you know, it's like charting out the bottom of the sea. There's a lot of shit that they still haven't figured out yet. Alright,

let's see if any of you motherfuckers are smarter than us and have answers to all these things that we're talking about. It is weird when you see a human brain on TV and you're just like, that's somebody. That's a person.

That used to be a person. It's crazy. It doesn't make any sense. It's nuts. All right, this Twitter is blowing the fuck up, ladies and gentlemen. No, you spelled Twitter wrong. I spelled Twitter wrong?

On the Twitter backslash JoeRogan.net. Oh, I did. Oh, retard. Should I fix that? No. Who cares? Shit, Twitter backslash JoeRogan.net. Oh, I did. Oh, retard. Should I fix that? No. Who cares? Shit, you know what I'm talking about. Damn, a lot of questions.

Should watch A Scanner Darkly. Yeah, you know what, man? A Scanner Darkly is something that I bought a long-ass time ago. I got it on DVD, and I just have never gotten around to watching it. I tried to watch it. I stopped. Anti-Chris. Why did you stop?

I don't remember. It just wasn't that interesting to me. Damn, you hear that shit, Chris? Motherfucker said it wasn't interesting. You're recommending it, and he's saying it's whack. Keanu Reeves, man. Keanu Reeves was tough action.

Has there ever been a guy that more universally panned as an actor but more incredibly successful? I know. I mean, he like... He blows them off the fucking charts. He slipped by every time. Oh, here's something that I need to tell you.

They actually had a Playboy article this month that there was a Roadhouse video game being made a few years ago, but the company went bankrupt. Roadhouse video game? Yeah. Which is like the Patrick Swayze movie? Yeah. That's the greatest bad movie ever. It's right up there with Showgirls.

If you haven't seen Roadhouse, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. If you haven't seen Showgirls, drop chat and and either download it or go to the video store and do something you've got to watch showgirls showgirls is awesome just a quintessential movie where the people who are doing the movie were just gacked out of their fucking minds on cocaine and they made a terrible movie that makes no sense and it's so bad that it's good it's like perfect it's just. It's perfect. It's one of those movies that just perfectly crosses over into parody to the point where you can watch it over and over and over again. I've only seen it twice.

Showgirls is awesome. Showgirls and Roadhouse are both basically the same movie. They're both movies where it's like they got people that were just full of themselves enough and just underestimated the intelligence of the viewers enough and just hack enough and just, you know, they just followed the dumbest formula lines possible. Showgirls though is that Roadhouse seems to be raw stupidity on its own whereas Showgirls is the most obvious cocaine movie of all time because it's just so dumb.

Like you had to be on coke to think that that was a good movie. Like if you if you made that movie and you weren't on coke you would watch the dailies and you'd be like

what the fuck are we doing? What are we doing? What is this movie? But if you're on coke you're like yeah it's fucking awesome. Give me another one. What was your what's your bit

I'll tell you I'll ask you later which one it has something to do with like would you even be able to see it yet because you know

the human brain hasn't seen it yet oh no it's my theory about about how we believe that everything around us is everything that there is. Right.

And I talk about farts. And what I say is that if someone farted and you didn't have a nose, you'd have no idea something was going on. Oh, no, no. I'm talking about something you used to say a while ago. Something like, you were kind of saying like, would you even be able to see it? Because our brain hasn't seen it yet. Like the tiger or something like that. Oh, but that didn't mean... The tiger bit was...

If a tiger was running at you, would you be able to even watch that? Because I think your brain would just start producing... I think it was about the pyramids or something. You used to have a thing where you talked about, like, would they even be able to see it because their brain's never seen it before? And so...

I don't think so, man. That's not my act. Huh. That's... I think you're thinking of... there's a part in the movie the secret where those retards claim that or was it what the bleep do we know i think it was oh yeah yeah where they were like looking like they said the indians couldn't recognize the boat that's what i couldn't see it that was not my act right no my my act is the the part about how if if we didn't have a nose and you had a if you smell a fart and this is for the people that are watching this this is the part about how if we didn't have a nose and you smell a fart

and this is for the people that are watching this this is the idea is that we don't have any idea if there's more around us all the time that we can't sense and it's very possible that there is and what I say is the fart theory and the fart theory is if someone farted and you couldn't smell it you'd have no idea

that there's something around you it's totally completely invisible but if someone farts you fucking smell it but if you didn't smell it, you'd have no idea that there's something around you. It's totally, completely invisible. But if someone farts, you fucking smell it. But if you didn't have a nose, you'd be just sitting in someone's stench. How do we not know that there are an infinite amount of things that we just can't detect? And that smell, even though we can detect, it's for biological reasons. You know, you smell gas, you know it's dangerous for you, you smell fire, get away.

There's a reason why we have a sense of smell It's good for us. But what if we didn't if we didn't it would be an invisible thing and It's just our imagination that limits The possibilities of how many other invisible things there are around us all the time that we can't detect There's all sorts of animals like worms you take your hand you roll it over a worm, you know above a worm They have no idea you're there they have no idea it's very possible that if that exists in nature that there's also some shit like that with human beings it's very possible that we're are constantly like the idea of dimensions dimensions might be dimensions of perception we just might not

have the ability to perceive all these other things that are around us all the time i mean that could be like bad energy like like you go into a house. I mean, many people have told stories that they go into a house where people have been murdered and they can feel it. They can feel fucked up energy in the house. Like that all might be real shit. You know, like we don't have a name for it and we're not good at detecting it. You know, we call it a sense or a feeling. That might be real energy that you're detecting.

We're just not evolved enough to the point where we can really tune into it yet. Why is it that we like smelling our own farts but not somebody else's farts? My farts are delicious. Do you think it's just like... I don't know. Do you think we would enjoy it if we made ourselves like... You know, like if you forced yourself to smell my farts and enjoy it, like make yourself enjoy it. You'd have to be one of those sick dudes that wax off to fart porn, you know like if you forced yourself to smell my farts and enjoy it like make yourself enjoy it

you'd have to be one of those sick dudes that wax off to fart porn you know cause there's dudes that do that there's dudes that oh yeah fart baby

there's dudes that like that that's real but I've never heard of anybody who likes their buddies farts that's weird though isn't it it's crazy

it's very weird but meanwhile I enjoy my own farts I love my farts. Everybody does. If you're in your car and you feel a hot one and it blasts you. When you do this you start blowing and smoking. When I'm in the shower

I cut my hand around my ass and I call it the Donald Duck because it goes it makes a Donald Duck noise when you. And when I fart and it doesn't smell I'm always disappointed. If I fart nothing. It's worse. Yeah but like if. Yeah. Like, if I fart, nothing. Oh, that's worse. Yeah, but, like, if somebody else farts, like, on a plane, you're like, oh, you motherfucker, I can't believe you did that. Why is that, though?

We should love it. I know. Because it smells the same. It's not like your farts smell different than mine. I know. Well, with our farts, I think we get a little reward, like, oh, you're getting all this bad stuff out of your body. But with other people's farts, it's like, oh, you stinky fuck. It's not the same reward.

It's weird, though. Is there any other smells that do that? I don't like the smell of my shit. I don't like that. I'll tell you that. I don't like that. Yeah, you don't like it. When I take a nasty dump, I'm like, oh, get me out of that room.

When I go back in, I would blow my nose or something like that. I'd go to get some Tobio. Oh, what the fuck? That was my shit? Yeah. I don't like it. But that's funny, man. You ever have to shit outside? You ever have beer. Oh, what the fuck? That was my shit? Yeah. I don't like it. But I do. That's funny, man.

You ever have to shit outside? You ever have to take a shit in the woods? That's the worst. Yeah. Because there's no water or anything. It's just steamy, stinky fucking dump on dirt. Yeah. It's gross.

It smells horrible. Nobody ever is sitting there sniffing their pile of shit and getting all happy about it. It makes no sense. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense it's like what is what is the evolutionary reason for that

you know what is the reason it's probably like the cure of AIDS somewhere in that hmm something that like researchers

I'm not going to research on farts what do you think okay what do you think about all these dudes and there's a bunch of scientists online like um

what is that there's just one guy that's uh at the the head of the cause, Peter Duesberg. And they're all saying that HIV does not cause AIDS and that HIV is a very weak virus and that the only reason why HIV exists in the systems of these people that have AIDS is because their immune system is so compromised that it can't even kill off HIV. Well, I think it's really weird that most of the people it seems like that have aids are drug users and gays so they're gonna have it has something to

do with the immune system but then you get fucking what's his name the basketball player that had fake aids he doesn't well he that's the other thing is that people test negative after a while like and they they're the rich people goes into the rich into and then it goes into in into a dormant stage yeah i mean magic johnson had aids and now he's doing like mattress commercials right you know right it's like crazy why is he doing mattress commercials he didn't get you know he spent a lot of money on aids medicine yeah i think i don't know man i guess i mean they probably pay him millions of dollars to any commercial he's still got a good name. How much mattresses, though, are you going to sell to pay that million dollars? How many more of these basketball players, all these dudes who you know are out there just fucking banging chicks left and right?

They must be freaking out about this Tiger Woods shit. This Tiger Woods shit will throw a monkey wrench into your endorsement deals. And if you're a Michael Jordan type of dude, like, that's like where those guys make the bulk of their cash is in endorsements. You know, that's why this is so dangerous to Tiger Woods.

It's not that Tiger Woods can't go out there and still kick ass and golf and say, fuck you, I can do whatever I want. He can, but he can't

because the endorsements is where he gets all his cash. Well, look at Letterman. Same thing. It's like, it's blown up this year. 2009 sucks. No,man. Same thing. It's blown up this year. 2009 sucks.

No, it doesn't suck. It's what I was talking about before. I think what we're seeing in celebrities is going to be mirrored in human beings. We're seeing more access to information. We're seeing less secrets. I think it's a trend. I think it's a trend

because I think that's eventually what the human race is going to come to. It's going to come to a point in time where there is not going to be any secrets. I think it's a trend. I think it's a trend because I think that's eventually what the human race is going to come to. It's going to come to a point in time where there is not going to be any secrets. And that's a good thing. There's going to be full information disclosed from you to me and everyone. And what it is, is the convergence of all human beings. That's what's going to start to ignite the convergence amongst all human beings. It's going to be full access to information. I know everything in your head. You know everything in my head. It's pretty weird, man.

It's pretty fucking crazy. And that's where it's going. It's going through technology. And this is what the internet's about. This is what Twitter's about. This is what this Ustream chat is about. This is what all this shit is about. It's about a convergence of human beings.

Like human beings are eventually merging into one thing. I mean, that's the whole ancient line in Eastern mysticism and each Eastern religion is, you know, that we are all one. We are, you know, we are one consciousness, like the Bill Hicks joke, experiencing itself subjectively. You know, that's the Timothy Leary ideology, the ideology of all the psychedelic heads, all the people that, you know, really got into like heavy the psychedelic heads, all the people that really got into heavy-duty psychedelic drugs, is that it's just one thing, and that we can't recognize that we're one thing

because we have ego, we have survival, and we have all these things, but that our technology and the technology forcing us to evolve, that the access to information that technology provides, eventually will cause human beings, all human beings to converge, and literally be like one consciousness. If I know all your thoughts, I know all your information and we have an access to it, an interface that's much less crude than

what we have now with typing and with researching or watching documentaries, what if it's like an instant access, a human neurotransplant, something that allows all of us to link up our minds together. That's not that outside of the realm of possibility. That to me seems just as likely as the ability to send a picture through the internet on your phone. That's just as fucking crazy. That you can send video through the air. And you can watch a YouTube video on your iPhone. And you're like, what the fuck?

I mean, it's just coming through the air. And you put the headphones on and it's in stereo. I'm like, what? That? I mean, it's just coming through the air, and you put the headphones on, and it's in stereo. I'm like, what? That's going through the fucking sky. It's just as likely that human beings are eventually going to come to some sort of a technological invention. We're going to come to something that allows all human beings to interface together. It might be through this thing. It might be something you put on on and everybody else that has it on

all links in together. Or it might have actually become something you put in your body. Or it might be something they broadcast through the fucking air that links people together. I just can't wait until it gets cheaper to be able to upgrade your body parts.

I want to have better eyeballs. I want night vision. I want to have fucking Twitter. I want a new eyeball. Did you hear about that woman that they made her a new bladder? Yeah. They made a woman a new bladder. They took her own bladder.

They scraped the cells together. Stems. Yeah. They grew it. I don't know if it's stem cells. Yeah, it's stem cells. Yeah, stem cells. But I know they grew a new bladder for her in a fucking Petri dish and then installed it in her body.

That's crazy. You know, a bladder is just kind of a bag for piss, but that's going to happen with other shit too, man. Eye transplants are crazy too, though. That's amazing. Like, imagine Jessica, my friend's uncle died, and they donated their eyes and helped somebody see, that can now see, and they got a letter just to let you know

your uncle's eyes were donated to so-and-so person who can now see. And they got a letter just to let you know your uncle's eyes were donated to so-and-so person who can now see. And they sent him a whole letter. So you can imagine somebody you know who's dead now, but their eyeballs are still being used. That's incredible. That's like a nightmare. That's like a horror movie, right? Well, I heard about some...

I think I was listening to the Art Bell show about some lady who donated her... or she got a liver from somebody in an operation. I think I was listening to the Art Bell show about some lady who donated her, or she got a liver from somebody in an operation, and right immediately after the operation, she started having cravings for whatever this dude used to like to eat. Are you serious? Yeah. That's fucked up.

Yeah, cravings she never had before, and then she found out the dude really liked to eat this certain type of thing. Very strange. Now, I wonder if you got a butt transplant, if you like that person's farts, if you like your own farts still, if you got a butt transplant if you like that person's farts if you like your own farts still if you got somebody else's butt people may ask

the weirdest questions Dawkins 20 look at this Bill Hicks the comedian how are they the same guy what the fuck kind of question is that what does that mean

that doesn't mean anything that's not how are they the same guy he's one guy he's how are they the same guy what alex jones is bill hicks oh this is people believe alex jones bill hicks i met bill hicks i'm friends with alex jones they're not the same guy isn't that retarded these people cannot be serious it has to be a joke it's an internet meme right because if they're being if you guys are being serious about that you guys are fucking Isn't that retarded? These people cannot be serious. It has to be a joke. It's an internet meme. Right. If you guys are being serious about that, you guys are fucking retarded. Yeah, that's pretty silly.

Alright, let's go to some questions here. Magic Johnson bought the cure for AIDS. Yeah, Magic Johnson. Great South Park episode too. I all love that. The cure for AIDS. There's no better South Park episode than the one where the gay dude had a whore off with a parasail and shoved her up his ass. I remember watching that going, how do they get away with this? You don't pass on circumstances, but you can pass on the psychic ability to create them.

All right. All right, Christine M. Velez. How do you know that? Do you really know that? Or are you just saying maybe? Maybe that's what's happening, but you don't know. The psychic ability to create them. Do-do-do.

Have you ever met anybody that says that they're a channeler or says that they're psychic that isn't a fucking retard? Have you ever met anyone? I don't believe any of it. Every time they do it, they're like fucking scam artists to me. Yeah, I've never met one person that says they're a psychic or says they can channel that isn't retarded. They're all retarded. But then it's almost like, do you have to be retarded to be able to do that like maybe you have to be like like some sort of a person that can let like you're you're so socially inept you're so clueless to how other people perceive you that you can achieve certain frequencies that other people can't is that

possible anything's possible can i get alex jones on opiate anthony i don't think so man i don't think that's a good idea i saw what little jimmy what little jimmy did and Anthony? I don't think so, man. I don't think that's a good idea. I saw what Little Jimmy did to Jesse Ventura. I don't think we'd like that. Alex Jones is not the kind of guy you're supposed to argue with like that. You're supposed to enjoy his company and ask him questions. And then we start talking about the new world order, black helicopters. Ladies and gentlemen, I see them outside my window every night. You tell me I'm crazy, but I see black helicopters outside my window. So what is going on? You don't

argue with that, dude. You go, damn, man, motherfucking black helicopters. That's what you're supposed to do. You're not supposed to like them. And I think if I was in the room with Jesse Ventura, I'm certain I would have handled it different than Jimmy did. But Jimmy's one of those dudes where Jim Norton, fantastic comedian, funniest guy on radio, without a doubt, by far. He's one of those dudes that when he's in the face of someone who's like a bully,

he doesn't like that shit. He doesn't stand up to that shit well. And he feels like that Jesse has this slow burn in his eyes and I'm a Navy SEAL and all that shit. And that you're supposed to listen to him because of that. And Jim Norton just ain't buying that. And that's why Jimmy just shut him down and clowned him. That's just what he does.

He's not good at people being bullies. I respect that. People that meditate have large frontal lobe cortexes study show says pete shreds i wonder that's very possible right it's very possible that it changes the way your brain works i mean if you lift weights you know it changes the way your muscles look if you if you exercise your mind in certain ways it doesn't don't you think it would make that happen? Yeah, weed truck. Brian is going to smoke marijuana live right here on Ustream.

Thank God it's all legal. Supposedly. That's the only thing Obama's done that he said he would do. He's not going after weed. Ridiculous. Alright, what else? Let's go to the Rogan board

and read some of the questions that you fine people have. What is my opinion on free will? Your blog talks about how we're all living through different circumstances, which is very true, but it seems to denote the power of free will, which kind of sucks.

I don't know. You know, I i go i start thinking about free will i think about free will in a couple of different ways i think it's very possible that you know you are shaping your own destiny and that you know you can you know choose your path and you can you know go through this life and you know and make something of yourself and you know the fact that you did it by yourself and you have free will, it's all good. I think that's very possible. But I think it's also possible that life itself is a gigantic mathematical algorithm. That all life itself is like a gigantic mathematical equation. And that it just doesn't seem like an equation because

we're a part of it. But like that everything, your personality, your biology, your circumstances, your experiences, they're all set up in line to put you in a very specific position to move forward in a very specific way to interface with all the other very specific things that are around you. All the other very specific people, very specific events. And that the idea is that what the idea of free will is sort of a misnomer. Like you have instincts and you have experiences that guide you into a certain way. Like say if you drank poison, you almost died and it it was terrible, and you didn't know it was poison.

Well, you'll be much more careful next time, and you won't drink poison. The idea that that circumstance that you've experienced has led you in a very specific way, and that your experiences literally are set up as a part of a mathematical equation, and that it's all to lead this entire human race, which is really just one organism, one gigantic super organism to lead this entire human race into a very specific place for a very specific purpose. That's possible. You know, I don't like to think it, you know, when your ego has any control whatsoever over

your mind, your ego wants you to think that, no, you know, I am in control of my whole, my life. I have done what I have done and I'm proud of all that I've done because it's my own accomplishments. But really it might be you're following a program. It really might be, we're all a part of this gigantic program that's, you know, and that all this, you know, ego justification, ego gratification, sex and love and fun and happiness. All these things are really just numbers and equations. The powerful number that you get from love forces you to be in love and have children and to create more people and to be good to those people. Those people create more good people. children and to create more people and to be good to those people and those people create more good people and that these these rewards are all in fact set up as a part of an equation to move the

human race into one specific place that everyone is working together all over the world and we just don't realize it we're bees yeah we're bees i mean like when i mean we don't know how bees communicate we don't know what what sort of a culture bees have but we know that they don't know how bees communicate. We don't know what sort of a culture bees have. But we know that they don't have books. They can't study their past. They can't study their history. I mean, how conscious, how aware are they? And are they just going through the motions because that's how they're programmed? And if that's the case, if that's the case with wolves and bears and every other animal that sort of goes through these natural motions to achieve a specific result, maybe that's

what we're doing. Maybe we're just doing it and it's way more complicated because what we're doing is we're actually changing our environment. We're changing the world. We're creating computers and creating technology and we're involved. We're the only animal on the planet that's involved in this symbiotic relationship with another life form and that other life form is technology. I mean, if you don't classify life as something that has a heartbeat and something that bleeds, but if you classify life as something that evolves and changes and grows and something that is like inexorably linked to human beings, technology is just like a virus. Technology is just like something, some sort of a bacteria

that's in your system that you can't get out of. You know, like you have to, you have a lot of healthy bacteria in your body all the time. And that that's like, you have a symbiotic relationship with this healthy bacteria and it keeps you alive and it actually fights off other bacteria. I mean, that's what probiotics are. That's what acidophilus is. You're taking in a live culture that will be your, your warriors and they will fight off bad bacteria. Well, it's very possible that that's what technology is. The technology is a life force that we are interfaced with. And we are, we have a symbiotic relationship with this other thing and we need it to keep us alive. We need it to keep the power on, you know, to keep, to keep us warm in cold climates, to, you know, to make sure your car gets you to work, you know, to make sure that the airbag goes off to save your life.

And all this shit is designed to help us. But in turn, we keep it going. We look at old cars on the side of the road that are broken down and dead, and those things are just like dead bodies. Cars that are old that stay alive, that's just like, and we're like, wow, that's fucking cool. That's just like seeing an old man at the gym with big muscles. Like, holy shit. I mean, wow, that's fucking cool. That's just like seeing an old man at the gym with big muscles. Like, holy shit.

I mean, literally, like technology and things that we create, we are helping those things evolve. We are helping those things evolve with our materialism, with our obsession with technology. We are trying to always constantly get the newer, better, cooler shit. to always constantly get the newer, better, cooler shit. And in doing that and in supplying that, we are forcing people to work in that industry and continue to evolve technology. I mean, it's very possible that it's all one fucking big thing. So, that's my opinion on that.

What do I get for Christmas? Your mother's pussy! Oh! What's my opinion? Oh, this is too trippy. Some people just get way too DMT on me. It's the extreme hippies that are weird to me. Yeah, this is a dude's question.

This is Entheo Shaman. What is your opinion of the non-ordinary reality accessed by DMT and other and Theo substances and Theo gins are I think the literal translation is something that connects you to God but it's psychedelic drugs do you feel there is much to learn from this version of reality how can it be applied to ordinary reality that's the real problem with any psychedelic drugs whether you're doing salvia or doing DMT or smoking weed it's like well are you bringing any of that back is it enhancing your life do you think anything enhances you know I don't know that question to me seems

like he wrote it in in the garage with his car running what do you think man with a hose inside. What do you think, man, of the DMT? What's my take on Charlie Sheen? Charlie Sheen is a dude who's friends with Alex Jones, like me, but he's not laughing. He is a 9-11 conspiracy buff.

He's an actor. He knows everything. That's a problem. He might have just known it. He's an actor. Act's a problem. He might have just nailed it. He's an actor. Actors are tough action, man. I know a couple actors that are pretty cool, but not that many.

Most of them are really annoying. Somebody said it best, that actors are like comedians, but with no punchlines. They always want to talk, and they're not giving you anything back. At least with Joey Diaz is talking, you're going to be laughing, and you're going to enjoy it. You want him to talk and they go shit they're not giving you anything back at least like with Joey Diaz is talking

like you're going to be laughing and you're going to enjoy it you want them to talk but actors just talk you know actors always have the answers too like if you're talking to actors very rarely does an actor want to admit

that they don't know why something is this or something is that why you know they always have opinions like really poorly thought out opinions whether it's on politics or war or anything have you recently unfollowed somebody on Twitter because they just tweeted too much I just unfollowed them yeah no I hardly ever unfollow someone

the only time I block people if they just look and have arguments with me. It's sort of boring. But I follow the dumbest motherfuckers. I follow so many dumb people. I don't even want to tell you what they're doing. I don't want to tell you who they are because some of them, some of them are just fantastic. They're fantastic

with their terrible tweets. I just unfollowed Kevin Smith the other day because he literally spent two hours replying to every single person that has wrote him in the last two months. And you did it because it blocks up your... It was all him. I had no one else.

I'm like, oh, next page. Are you serious? Yeah, but don't you like him, though? I do like him, but that's bullshit. The dude needs to learn how to fucking use Twitter. Well, how are you supposed to do it if you don't reply? Direct messages to all those

people. If you're going to waste all our time, we don't care what the answer to this question is. If you do, put that on a different website. Yeah, but the direct messages, the problem with the direct messages is that you can't, everybody else can't see it. And one of the cool things about Kevin Smith is that all these people were following

Kevin Smith and you get to see everybody saw kevin smith responded to you well do this video type shit then and reply at all you know like go okay here's our next person from twitter why can't you just let the dude because it just ruins everything else i hate it i met kevin smith and he's cool as fuck so i was cool as fuck i'll never unfollow him i he could put pages of shit on my Twitter, and I will keep it going. Dude, I love the dude. I love the dude, but that's just uncalled for.

What do I think of Ben Stein calling Ron Paul anti-Semitic? I don't think about it at all. That's hilarious. Those two old queens. I would love to see Ben Stein and Ron Paul sucking each other's cocks. Yeah. I would pay $1,000 for that video. Have you seen Bruno yet?

No. I have that on video too. It's another thing I haven't watched. Dude, watch it. And it's, that whole part with Ron Paul and ever since I've seen it,

I always look at him and he looks like an old queen to me now ever since then. Ron Paul. Yeah. Just how he handled that. He handled like,

I don't know. Well, he's super religious. Right. So it's possible he's gay. Right. If you're really intelligent and yet super religious, I always got to go, all right, what's going on? What are you doing? Blowing guys?

What are you doing? It's weird. Yeah, there's something wrong. It's either money or gay. If you're really intelligent and you're really buying into it, and this is not saying that there's no God. It's not saying that there's no, this is not something else. I'm the first one to say that I don't know. I have no idea. But I'm also the first one to say that you don't know either. And anybody that pays

any attention to religion or follows religion at all and looks at the history of religion knows that it's a disjointed mess. And nobody even knows the origins of all this stuff. And nobody knows how much people altered the words. And what we do know about it is that even the Bible itself, the oldest version of the Bible, they don't even about it is that even the Bible itself, the oldest version of the Bible, they don't even use the Dead Sea Scrolls. That's the oldest version of the Bible by far. They don't even use that. Wouldn't you think that's like the best one? Wouldn't that's like the purest version of it? No, we're still busy using the New Testament. The New Testament was created by Constantine and a bunch of bishops. They piled it together. And

the Old Testament? Well, the Old Testament, the real version of it, was written in ancient Hebrew. And to this day, in 2009, they only know three out of four words in ancient Hebrew. That's 25 fucking percent of the words. They don't know what the fuck it means. And on top of that, letters also doubled as numbers back then. Because there was no numbers. So the letter A was also like the number one like if you did it that way so there was like numerical value to words that was completely lost when they

translated translated uh ancient hebrew to latin and then to greek so like like the word love and the word god they have the same numerical value so we don't even really know what the fuck they were saying so no i'm not saying that there's no God, that there's not something else. What I'm saying is to follow current religion as it's practiced and preached today. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. So if Ron Paul's really into that, come on, man. Big old queen.

What is he doing? Is Ron Paul a big old queen? Look, if he just came out and said he's a big old queen I would still vote for him man I think he's a bad motherfucker I would like to see if somebody really tried to get in there and shake up the system and change the way you know the

world is run and keep us out of other countries and to demolish the IRS and get rid of the CIA and that would be fascinating. Fascinating to see if someone could actually do that and not get killed. I don't think they could.

Do you have a Kindle? Yeah, I got a Kindle. What? I just got one of those Sony readers. I got it for Christmas. It's cool because Google bought all these books. I don't know if you can do this

with the Kindle or not but with the Sony one you can just go to Google and download all these free books onto it really and they have your issue of Kung Fu magazine

or whatever Karate magazine Black Belt oh that I was in yeah they have that on Google and so that's the Sony reader

you can go and get that so you can get any book basically for free well not any book but any of the ones Google has like a ton of books. But they're all like old school out of print books. I think it has to be out of print. I was bummed out, man.

I got the Kindle and I couldn't get any Hunter S. Thompson books. Oh, really? There was only like one book that he wrote that was for sale. But they didn't have like Great Shark Hunt. They didn't have Finn Loving. Go to Google.com backslash books and see if they have it there. And you can just download it. Wow.

I don't know if it works on Kindle though. Probably. Well, Kindle reads PDF files. It does? But when it reads PDF files it doesn't let you enlarge the text which is a little annoying.

Oh, you can do that on the Sony. Fucking J-piece of shit. I got the wrong one. No, I don't think so. God damn it. Kindle's still better probably. And our question earlier when we were talking about

can poker, can these bots on poker sites, Poker J, who's uh john carlos alvarado who's on the roving board says uh poker sites catch bots with a program that can see if you click the same pixel every time you make a move something that's impossible to do by a human oh that's why you have the program go over a couple pixels every time Brian would change the program he figured it out already

how was the shit I just took? it was excellent did I really forget everything I learned during the Taekwondo days? I still remember some Taekwondo stuff some stuff Taekwondo is effective you see Kang Lee uses a lot of Taekwondo. He uses a lot of turn side kicks and front leg side kicks

and front leg roundhouse kicks where he doesn't switch the legs. There's a lot of power in that stuff. It's just it's not complete. And Taekwondo needs other things. It needs Muay Thai and wrestling and jiu-jitsu and all that stuff. But it helps. There's some stuff in it that's different. You know, the style of karate that Machida uses,

like the leaping in and leaping out. Nobody knew that that would work before because no one was ever good at it that was good at other stuff as well. And I think that's sort of the same thing with Kang Lee and Taekwondo. So... these questions all suck go back to twitter

suck cock on my website you guys are a bunch of gay ass motherfuckers stupid ass questions not the same questions with the same people Motherfuckers. Stupid ass questions. Same questions with the same people. Circumcised.

Here's a good question. Would you get your kids circumcised in this day and age because most guys in America are cut? No. I am not going to. If I have a boy, this new baby, we don't know what it is yet. We'll find out soon. And if it's a boy, I'm gonna let him have a big elephant dick. You're disgusting, dude. Why do you

care what my baby's dick looks like? Because I'm gonna have to watch a lot of video of it. No. I was thinking of that just the other day. It's so funny that this person asked that. Your dick comes out a certain way.

I've seen European pornos and it covers it like a turtleneck. Dude, have you ever seen porn just felt bad for the poor guy? No! He has a fucking creep dick. Yeah, when he's got a bad circumcision. But have you talked to girls about this? I don't give a fuck. Girls are like, oh my god, he had an uncircumcised dick. It was so disgusting. That kills his chances.

I've talked to girls that have sucked uncircumcised dicks and they don't care. Really? It's a little different, yeah. Yeah, any girl that would care is a cunt. It's good. It'll keep cunts away from my boy. Some picky cunt who doesn't like an uncircumcised dick. And what's your, why? Do you just think it's just mean? It's ridiculous. It's totally

unnecessary and it feels better supposedly. Do you need, I don't need help coming faster. It's not about the help coming faster. It actually feels better. It's more sensitive. It's not whether or not you come faster. It's more enjoyment. Silly, man. I'm not getting my

fucking kids hurt. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. You're a fucking gay weirdo. I'm so glad. That's something I think every day I'm like thank you dad for there's websites out there where dudes try to regrow their skin

it's a long term process to re-circumcise their dick they stretch it out they have like little things like an attachment that you clip onto the tip of your dick they get more infections and dirt inside there of your dick. They get more infections in dirt inside there. And it's like,

if you have an uncircumcised... Clean your dick. That's my answer to that. Clean your fucking dick. Look, how hard is it to wash your dick? I hate... Dirty dick people should not have no circumcises.

No circumcisions. But if you're a cleanly person, like you should be, like my boy will be, he will have an uncircumcised dick, goddammit. Have you ever, oh, I think we already talked about that.

What? Have you ever ate out a girl that had really long pussy lips? Yeah, I like that. There's one where it gets stretched probably that far. It was like chewing gum when it was in your mouth.

See, this is too old these questions are like old this is like an hour ago i know that's the mark hayden funny his twitter sure is his twitter is the bomb diggity what is it the mark hayden i think he changed it to the dumb mark gayden i'm starting to think it's not real what do you mean who changed the name of it i What do you mean? Who changed the name of it? I don't know. No. Did someone change the name of it? Whoever's doing it did. Why would they do that, man?

We got a thing going on. Motherfuckers. What are you doing? Do you think in our lifetime, microchip systems like they do with dogs where it's scanned and it's in access? Yeah, I think that's going to happen. Yeah, I think it's very possible there's going to be some sort of a microchip thing

where human beings are going to be scanned into a database. The real problem is there's so many fucking people. There's so many goddamn people. How do you do that? How do you keep track of it? Who's going to watch it? People used to say, oh man, what if your phones are bugged? Who's bugging these phones?

Workers? Government workers? How many people are they watching are there is there one person for every person out there they're just circling on you because they know you sell pot like come on man how many fucking people are are out there that that could actually be monitoring people's phones well now they have the technology where they can just sit there and record every single phone call and and it transcribes it like dragon speak, but times 50 technology, and it pretty much looks for keywords like money, drug. Right.

Yeah, that makes sense. I've heard that before. There's things like video programs. Was it called Predator or something like that? They had one that would go through the internet and for like Al-Qaeda, search for terrorists, search for certain specific keywords. Peak oil versus science. You know what, man?

I think they're going to figure out some other shit besides oil. I think it makes sense. I think, you know, there's a lot of stuff they could do with agriculture. There's a lot of stuff they could do with hydrogen. There's a lot of stuff they could do with hydrogen. There's a lot of stuff. It's just, we could have come up with something else. It's just, we got bamboozled into going the way of the oil because it was easy and cheap and it was already in place. And we stayed with oil. But I don't think society is going to crumble because we run out of oil. I think we'll come up with something just as good.

So you hear those new Mini Coopers in the cold, the electric ones? In cold weather, it only gets half the power. How big is that? That's ridiculous. Yeah. Because they're only good for like 100 miles as it is. Right. So in cold weather, it goes for 50 miles.

50 miles. That makes sense because your battery's more dead in cold weather. Yep. Oh, what a piece of shit. Yeah, but imagine buying that car. That's an expensive car. You know what Top Gear did? You know that show Top Gear, the BBC?

Awesome show. They took one of those Priuses, an electric car, and they drove it around a track with a... Prius is a hybrid, right? They drove it around a track with an M3. And all the M3 had to do was keep up with the Prius. That's all it had to do. The Prius went full blast around the track,

and the M3, obviously a much faster car, all it had to do was keep up. The Prius got 13 miles to the gallon, and the M3 got 19. So when the Prius drives hard, it's just as much of a piece of shit as any other car. It's nonsense. It's just as much of a piece of shit as any other car. It's nonsense. It's fake being green.

And apparently it's much more toxic to the environment to create a Prius than it is to create a regular car. Well, I thought how it worked is Priuses only are electric under 25 miles an hour or something like that. Is that what it is? Yeah. For stop and go traffic, it's running off battery. Over that, it's just a normal car. That makes sense. Yeah. And over that, as a normal car, it's it's running off battery over that it's just a normal car that makes sense yeah

and over that as a normal car it's terrible yeah yeah it's just a small shitty car terrible god damn piece of shit

alright alright that was B.B. Jones with a circumcision question it's so weird he asked that because I was justones with the circumcision question it's so weird he asked that because i was just thinking that the other day good question man that's a good question that's that's a weird thing with people like you really worry about what your kid's dick looks like did it start well i i just think every day how how thankful i am

you're so silly if i had your little, I would cry myself to sleep over it. Did you see? Somebody posted this on the board today about Indian men and that there's like some what is it? 60% of Indian men. I don't know if this is a true statistic. I've

been rocked posted it. So, take it with a grain of salt. 60% of Indian men cannot use a standard condom one in five condoms fall off during intercourse so this is from the bbc is it true i don't know we're gonna go to it damn the bbc we need to go to india dude and fuck some women wow it really is wow Wow, it's true. A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms

made according to international sizes are too large for the majority of Indian men. That's crazy. That's sad. As a magnum user, I feel for you, bitch. Wow. Scientists even checked their sample to see if their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion, and urban and rural dwellers.

So even like the peasants, you know, even the slaves in India have little dicks. So sad. At least the peasants in America, like the lower class in America are generally thought to have the biggest dicks. Right? Slaves. Back in the day when they had slaves, those guys almost had monster horse dicks. How many white women do you think fucked slaves back then? Snuck in. Tons of them. Do you think they did? Oh yeah. When their husbands stopped fucking

them, right? Yep. Snuck in and just got some Alabama black snake. How many white women do you think had babies with slaves back then? There was a lot of dead babies. Really? I bet. Well, there was a lot of white guys who would fuck their black slaves.

That was very common. And have babies with their black slaves. What the fuck that must have been? How weird must that have been to the guy who was the father would fuck the slave, have a baby with the slave. The slave would have his baby and he would see this half-white baby and he would just leave the half-white baby with the slaves and let them take care of it. Like he wouldn't even bring it in as his kid just because of a race thing.

That must be – that must have been fucking nuts. Talk about like haunting your conscience. How weird is witch trials? The old school witch trials where they would weigh witches. Or, it still goes on today. In Africa, they still have a huge problem with people accusing people of

being bewitched. Remember that video where they caught them on fire and they're just sitting there on fire? Yeah, they're beating with sticks and kicking them. This is real recent. Here, I'll put it on Twitter. I wrote a blog article about it. That's one of the worst videos. That and the Hong Kong girl snorting herself to death. Yeah, there's that video that you can see this Hong Kong girl.

She snorts this gigantic line of ketamine. Ketamine is a fucking cat tranquilizer. And a lot of crazy kids are doing this. And she snorted this gigantic line for a video and then wound up dying. And the video is available online along with the story. I'm trying to find the... I'm going to put that article online that I wrote about... I think it was called Humanity Gone Haywire.

I think that was the name of the article. But it was all about how nutty it is that there's this real problem they have right now. I don't know where that was from. There's no search option? My blog archives are gay. Look at that. There's no search option. That's weird gay mm-hmm there's no search option that's weird I have a search option this is terrible let's check for tell you dude look at that my fucking website is... This is way better. Yeah.

Google is way better for searching than my own... Website. Fucking website. My website's being redesigned right now, people. You've been saying that for eight years. Yeah, it has been being redesigned for eight years. It's all true. God damn it.

All right. Let me find out the... I'm going to Twitter this bitch. Oh! Rising! Ah, ah, ah, ah. Stuff. Okay.

Here's... Hey, tough. I put it I just put it up on Twitter. If you're bored and you want to read the thing about witchcraft. Watch the video if it's still there. Yeah, it's really creepy. You know, a funny thing about witchcraft in America, like everybody knows about the Salem witch trials. What I read, the biggest connection they have to what happened during them, why everybody thought they were being possessed and there's witchcraft going on was that there was a late frost and that the wheat got frozen and when it thawed out apparently when that happens when there's a late frost and wheat freezes and thaws out it grows um a certain fungus on it and this certain fungus is called ergot and ergot has it's like really

similar uh or identical rather chemically to lsd so when they would take this bread that they would make from this wheat that had grown this fungus on it these people would fucking trip their balls off they would have these crazy horrifying bad acid trips so they literally thought they were under a spell which totally makes sense and they just started burning bitches and women always want to say that it's oh you know men were you know back then you know men were uh the the spell that a woman would cast upon her you know upon him with her beauty was just too perplexing and the men couldn't deal with the fact that women had all those powers they killed him yeah come on guys have been raping chicks forever you tell me they gotta stop back then there's this is not that much this is not that perplexing it's guys want to

shoot a load they shoot a load you know uh guys want to shoot a load they jerk off they don't want to shoot a load anymore you know they're not going to start burning people because they want to shoot a load anymore you know they're not going to start burying people because they want to fuck them i don't believe that i think it's a much more likely scenario that this fungus grew on this wheat because they had already they'd taken soil samples and so they had known from their you know whatever climatological studies they used to figure out how cold it was during a specific time there was a late frost there was some evidence that there was a late frost. And this ergot was also found somehow or another during this time period. So

I think it's just speculation, but it's much more educated speculation than the idea that the men were under the spell of these women and they decided to kill them. That doesn't make any sense. I think they probably did the acid from the wheat and then killed the cunts. That's probably what it was.

You know, that's why it was a witch trial. Those were probably the cuntiest women in the town. They probably just, let's cook these bitches. Major bitches. Yeah. Like, these chicks are bad energy. Like, you'd be around them like, fucking bitches giving me bad vibes. You know, because you're all acid and out.

And they probably just started lighting them on fire. Like, fucking, let's kill this bitch. Why are we having her around? Yeah. Imagine if that's really what the witch trials were about. Maybe, like, afterwards, people were so nice. They killed all the cunts off. Can you imagine that?

Is that possible, ladies and gentlemen? Does that make sense? Who the fuck is calling me during my goddamn podcast? Tape flexer. You know, I'm on fucking Ustream, bitch. How dare you? All right, let's go back to the questions ladies and gentlemen have i ever seen the northern lights in iceland no i've never seen them in purpose so awesome i've seen some shit online though it looks incredible it's like the sky

becomes like a desktop screensaver i've been seeing way more uh falling stars lately like it's almost getting to the point where it's kind of ridiculous. Yeah, it's... There's a meteor coming. Once a week, maybe, I see it. At least one. Could you imagine? We know for...

I mean, it doesn't seem like it's real. Like, you sit and talk about, like, asteroid impacts. Oh, the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs 65 million years ago. Or the one that killed, you know, everything before that. The mass extinction before that 250 million years ago, or the one that killed everything before that, the mass extinction before that, 250 million years ago, or the one that ended the ice age 10,500 years ago. I mean, there's all this speculation about asteroids. But the real reality is there are hundreds of thousands of gigantic rocks in space

that can fuck us up. And every now and then then one comes crashing down. It's happened many, many, many, many, many times over the history of the life of the earth. It's happened so many times and it could easily happen today. It could easily happen tomorrow. You could easily be one that comes from behind the sun and we can't see it until it's too late. and then boom, and it just fucks the whole world up, that's so possible, we don't like to think it's possible, because it's never happened, but I always like to, I always say it's like an anthill, that human life is like an anthill, like if you are an ant, and you're living in an anthill, you were probably born in that anthill, and that anthill is all

you've ever known, I mean, how long do ants live? Like a week, a couple weeks, something like that? So say, like, this anthill's been around for six months. That's been through the generations after generations. Long dead have made this anthill. And then, you know, you're toiling away in your little anthill, and one day some kid is walking through the field, and he sees that anthill, and he just, boom, boom,

just starts to stomp on it for no fucking reason. And then anthill's crushed out of nowhere you never thought it was going to happen it's always been fine everything's always been cool at the anthill if you had to take a guess and you had to make a gamble you would say yeah yeah this anthill is always going to be here it's always been here always will be here bam some kid just stomps the fuck out of it that can happen to people that can happen to earth kat That can happen to Earth. Katrina. Katrina. How about Detroit? It's happening like that in Detroit. Slow.

Yeah, slow. Slowly. Somebody has a magnifying glass on Detroit. Dude, I watched Anthony Bourdain had a show about Michigan the other night and they were driving through Detroit. Horrible show. Oh, it was horrible.

Terrible. You ever watch the Anthony Bourdain show? It's a good show. It makes you hungry. He goes and eats. Oh, your food show? Yeah, yeah. He goes and yeah he goes eats all these no reservations fucking shows makes me so hungry do do do do do do do nasa says there's an asteroid with the possibility of hitting earth in 2029 yeah there's there's a bunch of them out there that they don't know about they come

they come to the problem is the sky is too goddamn big. I mean, it's covering everywhere. Shit's coming from the North Pole and the South Pole. You never know where something's coming from. I mean, it could be coming from anywhere. You never know. There could be something heading our way that we haven't picked up on. It could be behind something.

We don't see it. Gravity distorts our view of things as well. If you look at the sun, you can literally, if you look at the sun with a telescope, you can see things behind the sun because of the distortion and the gravity of the sun because it's so massive. I don't understand how that works,

but that apparently is how it works. And so there's occasionally things that could be hiding behind something that's coming straight at us, and we don't even fucking see it until it's too late. There's just not enough human beings out there monitoring the sky to really accurately predict you know oh we're we have a hundred percent clear skies nothing's going to hit us for the next 200 years they don't know that that's they can't say that there's always something that comes real close that just barely misses us and they go whoa holy shit that was three miles long and they missed us by 200 000 miles that's not much you know

okay let's go to some questions you dirty bitches nabiro in 2012 says the anti-Chris. I don't know, man. That's what some people think. Did you ever see the 2012 movie? Yes. Horrendously bad. Really bad. Not even worth watching.

Even the special effects sucked. Oh, really? There were, I mean, it was awesome things were happening, but it didn't look real. Like the cars, there was a limo and it was jumping things

and landing fine and driving off and it looked, it looked all computer generated and silly. You know, it's like every five seconds, the fucking, you know, the car was almost going off the cliff

but barely made it, you know? It's like, come on. Stop. Stop with your nonsense. This guy here easy dog 007 says yeah I believe in God

how did everything originate but how did God start hmm oh that's an easy question answer it God what do you do the real problem is believing in anything you know that that's that's the real problem the real problem is believing in anything it's not

believing in god or believing in g the real problem is believing in anything you don't know we don't know god created a really good video game and and we're all in it. That's possible. This is like God's version of The Sims. Right. And this is on somebody's phone. We're not even like a good video game. We're just like a fucking cell phone video game. We're some shit that people play when they kill time waiting in line at the supermarket. Right, right.

We're Breaker or whatever it's called. The real problem with believing in God is that believing in God just makes people feel better. It's not saying that God doesn't exist. It's very possible that God exists, but you don't have the information. No one does. You can decide that you have that information because it empowers you.

You can decide that there's a God because it makes you feel more comfortable or it makes you feel more, you know, that there's a future to this world and after you die there's something waiting for you and that gives you confidence and that gives you that it can empower you and that works for a lot of people i know a lot of fighters who are very religious and that that belief in god that actually empowers them and it can it can work that way but it really is just a tool it's just a psychological tool that they're using to empower

them it doesn't necessarily help them you know what helps them is just a psychological tool that they're using to empower them. It doesn't necessarily help them. You know, what helps them is the state of mind that they put themselves in by believing in God. You know, I mean, it's a really kind of a funny thing. It's a catch-22. Believing in God can empower you. The ideas of Christianity are very empowering ideas. The idea is that, you know, that, you know, love your man as if he's you and, you know is you and do unto others as if you would have them do unto yourself. Turn the other cheek and don't be violent and be helping and be loving and be humble and worship God. The idea of God, what God is, God is life and energy and the whole universe. You treat the whole process as it's one gigantic, fantastic thing.

And that in going to a religious service and practicing any sort of a religion and sticking to a certain ethic, the way you're doing is committing to positive energy. And if you commit to that positive energy and those positive thoughts and that positive way of thinking, that's empowering and that really will help you. And if you really do believe that you have a destiny and that God has carved out this destiny for you, that's an empowering thing. That shit will absolutely make you better at things. You say, that's evidence of God, that's evidence of Jesus.

Well, maybe, but more likely, it's evidence that you've put yourself in the exact proper state of mind to achieve things by thinking positive and having positive energy and being a loving Christian. By doing all those things, you've put the good energy out there and you've given yourself confidence because you're doing the right thing. And you've given yourself a strong belief in yourself because you're following the right path. And in doing that, that's very empowering. That's how God is real. That's how religion is real.

But what it really all is at the heart of it is you tuning in to the correct frequency of the universe with the least amount of resistance, the least amount of resistance from you, the least amount of negative thinking, the least amount of... I mean, like, when I was a kid, I'd get in arguments all the time with everybody about anything, and really, I was just a knucklehead, I was just a dumb fuck, but I didn't realize that by doing that, by creating all this drama in my life, like, I was, it was just distracting the shit out of me, and it was keeping me from doing things that I wanted to do, it was keeping me from being happy and comfortable and friendly.

And it was keeping me from, like, I was constantly in a state of causing trouble and causing drama and creating all these obstacles in my own life. And I didn't realize it at the time. And I always thought of people that were religious. Like, I always thought, well, there's got to be a lot of power in that. Because, like, I was afraid of a dude who was religious, who was on one of the U.S. Taekwondo teams back when I was fighting, there was this dude, I think his name was Bobby Clayton, and I think that's his name, don't, but he wasn't the best guy, but he was crazy religious, and that used to scare the shit out of me, this dude used to read

the Bible every day, and this dude was, super, super, super religious. And he really believed in himself. And I was, you know, not very religious. And even though I was doing really well in these tournaments and I was, you know, beating a lot of really good guys, there was something about this dude and his religion that scared me. Like on paper, he shouldn't have been the scariest guy to me, but he was for whatever reason, because this dude was really religious. So for, you know, for whatever reason because this dude was really religious so for you know that that belief that he had in himself that that the belief in his faith and his that all that shit was is empowering to him and i recognized that it was empowering to him that he was really legit about it and that he was his super religious behavior like he was never he never swore he didn't drink he was friendly to

everyone he was like really, really, really dedicated. And that made me nervous. I think religion is empowering. Brian has been a huge advocate of Scientology ever since he moved to Hollywood, right? I mean, tell us about your experiences with Scientology. They're sluts. They're easy to sleep with Scientology? They're... they're sluts. They're easy. Yeah, they're real easy to sleep with. Really?

Just have to trick them and just a lot of positive energy and stuff like that. Is that what you do? Yeah, and you just take their money and they sleep with you. It's great. Damn. Do you hear that? Is... does Scientology have a thing with fucking? Are you allowed to fuck?

No. Yeah, you're allowed to fuck. Yeah. It's... all it is... No, you don't have to be married or anything no I don't think so yeah when any new religion comes around you can't be I'm not a Scientologist

by the way he's lying I think if I had to pick one religion like if you had to do it I'd be Buddhist yeah that seems like

the one that makes the most sense but the problem with being a Buddhist is you gotta hang around with a bunch of fucking phonies. A bunch of people who are pretending to be Buddhists. Yeah, they all have smelly feet. Yeah, it's like the idea of hippies.

It's all good on paper. But the real problem with hippies is they don't want to work. They're fucking lazy and stupid, a lot of them. It's like the stereotypes of the pot-smoking, lazy ne'er-do-wells. That's accurate in a lot of ways. That's the real problem with hippies. What's Buddhist women look like? I don't think I've ever seen a Buddhist woman. They look like vegetarians.

Oh, really? Do they have bald heads? No. Ladies and gentlemen, I've got to take a shit again. So, really? Yeah. Do they have bald heads? No. Orange robes? Ladies and gentlemen, I've got to take a shit again. So I can't believe this. We ate sausage subs at this local place down the street. They're a little bit too strong, too powerful.

524 viewers. I appreciate this. It'll be only a couple minutes, but Brian will answer questions while I'm gone. I'll only be gone for a couple minutes. My bathroom's right down here. I'll be right back. All right. What's the chemical...

For Bod Rail, you asked what the chemical structure on Joe's shirt on the Spike Comedy Central. If you ask questions, you can ask questions, I'll answer them. And you relay what I'm saying. How about that? That's DMT, though. Yeah. Those shirts will be for sale soon.

And those shirts will be for sale soon. And those shirts will be for sale soon. Joe will have it on his website. They're trying to get the website together to sell. He's going to have a whole bunch of different kinds of shirts and clothing, I guess. So that will be coming soon. It's a whole clothing line. It's a whole clothing line. Do you ever get tired of all these stupid people asking you about drugs i think

he just you just get tired of stupid people they don't care about drugs yeah no he doesn't get tired What else? A lot of the same questions. What other? Give me one of the same. Have you ever heard of Uri Geller? That's not one of the same ones. He seemed like a psychic. Psychic?

There you go. Should I take DMT? No. psychic there you go should i take dmt no you should not take dmt if you're asking joe on a twitter yeah if you're nevermind are alien are aliens among us yes they're Asian Ryan thinks that all aliens are Asians yeah I think all aliens are Asian

or some kind of breed of Asian because they're just higher technology than us regular white people we're more cavemen they're more alien technology than us regular white people we're more cavemen they're more alien uh let's see let's go back to your rogan board forums.joerogan.net there's a whole thread with people asking questions on there also i can can you use you stream over the iPhone yeah I believe so it's probably

only good if you use Wi-Fi what's the best place you ever done stand-up there's no one best place but my favorite places are Austin, Texas. Favorite places are Austin, Texas. Philadelphia. Philadelphia. Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix, Arizona. San Francisco.

LA is a good place. New York is a good place. San Francisco too. San Francisco is a good place. Columbus, Ohio is a good place too. Columbus, Ohio is a good place too. Columbus, Ohio. Any updates on Brock Lesnar's health, as everyone's asking? I haven't heard anything about it.

I think it's going to take a long time for them to sort that out. He hasn't heard anything new. It's going to take a long time for them to sort all that out. Apparently, he's in a pretty serious condition that he has. Redband, you seem to be pretty much up on technology. What's the single piece of technology equipment that would be available to the public you're most excited about in 2010? I think a lot of people who know me, I'm excited for the new Apple tablet. It's like an oversized iPhone.

Because netbooks are so popular right now. And I just find that that's just going to be what's next after netbooks and iPhones. I'm back. I just took another tremendous shit oh you scrailed it in did i sorry bro i'm upset my shit stinks which you know what do you expect man is it that bad yeah i'll light some more all right i'll try to enjoy to like it all right you can't do all my shit. Oh, that's great. You're faking it. Yeah, I'm faking it.

I shouldn't have to fake it. I should just act like it's mine. Yeah, why don't you do that? Okay, it's mine. No, it doesn't work. It's so stupid. It should work. Yeah, you can't trick yourself.

What do we got here? Give me some questions. I think your Twitter turned out on this page. Did you see how Cloud just flew through the room? I'm going to refresh this page. This show's gay. Is that your stomach or you burp? I burp.

We just ate at this Italian place down the street. Tremendous sausage and pepper sub. We can get an East Coast sausage and pepper sub in L.A. What's it called? Cavaretti's? Cavaretti's? Something like that? Eww!

Oh! How many Goodfellas posters were in there four okay questions do you write wipe from the front to back or back to front that's a good question i never thought about that i'm a dude and i'm wiping my ass not my vagina so i guess front to back do you stand up yes well i wipe yeah yeah did you know we're rare really most people sit down when they wipe I can't get the job I know I don't understand it also you said you always pee sitting there that's kind of no I'll tell you something about my toilet though that you probably didn't want to know but you probably already know if you

follow me on Twitter you can't first of all you can't flush those flushable wipes that's bullshit they say you can flush those things yeah they'll disappear but they're gonna, you can't flush those flushable wipes. That's bullshit. They say you can flush those things. Yeah, they'll disappear, but they're going to clog up your fucking toilet. Those flushable butt wipes that you get, you've got to use just toilet paper. Well, you've been getting the flushable kind, right? The disposable kind, yeah. But they're not flushable. It's a lot.

The first month of using those, I thought they were all flushable, and then I saw that little picture on the back, and I'm like, oh! Clogged the shit out of your toilet. Yeah. But mine, mine got clogged up and they had to come and fucking clean it out and rescue it. It costs a lot of money.

But the big thing is that I have a fucking plant growing in my toilet. Yeah. You saw that shit, right? It was ridiculous. It was a gigantic tree that was growing in my toilet. Like they found roots and they pulled it out and I put it up on Twitter. I think a lot of people have seen it I'm gonna find this I'll see if

I can find it I'll throw the link back up maybe it's on my Flickr page I mean it was so ridiculous I mean it was so ridiculous that I looked at and I was like how the fuck was that growing inside my toilet but I guess it was the water you need to start updating your Flickr, brother. I do, right? Let me see my photo stream. I must have had it up here. I know I had it on TwitPic, right?

Maybe that's where it was. Yeah. These are my snow in Colorado photos. Yeah, it's on in here. Alright, I'll put it up. Give me a second. it's not in here. Alright, I'll put it up. Give me a second.

It's got your Twitter. Yeah. Goodbye. We need some music in here, right? No. Why not? That's against all law. What? Is it?

You're streaming music. If I do this and I have music playing in the background, can't do it you'll be arrested come on really this isn't that it's not a toothpick you know that's the problem with using all these different goddamn yeah programs yeah why frog or I don't know what the other one is or how that other one works so fuck fuck that. I'll find the picture. Just go back in your Twitter, you'll find it. For you guys. Toilet tree. I don't even know where the fucking photo is.

Now I have to go to iPhoto. I apologize for this, ladies and gentlemen. This is not very entertaining, is it? You don't even give a fuck. You do give a fuck when you see the picture, though. The picture's just so ridiculous that this goddamn thing was actually growing inside my toilet bowl. It seems like it's not going to be worth the wait. All you do is Google Toilet Tree Joe Rogan.

It'll be out there. You think so? Yeah. Let's find out. Do-do-do-do-do. God damn it. There it is. Look at this motherfucker. I mean, come on, man.

Look at that fucking thing. That shit's ridiculous. I gotta show you guys this. This shit is ridiculous. It looks like a Muppet. It doesn't even look real. It looks completely fake. So, now I go back to Flickr and upload this shit. This is... It's going to be hard for this picture to live up to the hype

of me fiddling through my fucking computer for five minutes trying to get this picture to you guys. But once you get the picture, I think you'll appreciate what the fuck I'm saying. Because it's so ridiculous that this thing was growing in my goddamn toilet. Weird. What the fuck?

Where is it? I just exported it. There it is. All right, it's uploading right now. Thank you, Jesus. As soon as it uploads, I'll take the link. My internet is so weak.

Why haven't you done this yet? All you have to do is make a call. I'm going to procrastinate. Clearly. Make a phone call. That's all you have to do. I think I will. You're going to have to do is make a call I'm going to procrastinate make a phone call that's all you have to do I think I will you're going to have to beer it's already 620 so I'll do it tomorrow I'm going to do it ladies and gentlemen a lot of people talk about upgrading the internet

I'm going to fucking do it and I'm going to do it for you guys because once you do that we could have separate cams we could have two cams we could have a third cam if we need to show something else we could have a third cam if we need to show something else We have a third cam just be your desktop

So instead of having to upload all these photos you can just show what's on your desktop It's easier, that's good whatever shut up, okay, here's the photo all sizes big size copy which bathroom was that the one in here yeah oh jesus What do you think about the Mayweather-Packman situation? I think they're genius. Minus 38? Really? How? Because you're on Twitter. Tiny URL. Why doesn't it just do it for you?

Never mind. I'll put it on. Because it's Tweet that. Because it's a whack program. Shit. Their Twitter program is whack. Doesn't even shrink your URLs. Who would have ever thought that that would be a business?

Dude, it's gotten big. We're getting a tiny URL business. Yeah. What are you talking about? Oh, making people website names really small. Yeah. Who the fuck would have ever thought there would be a market for that? One of the websites, I can't remember.

I don't think it's a tiny URL. But it's one of them almost got bought the other day for a couple million dollars. And that's all it is, is a URL shortening. That's hilarious. All right. I put it up. You fuckers. That's another one that was growing. Alright, sorry for the long delay.

That was ridiculous. Wasn't even that interesting. But it is kind of interesting. I put the picture up. You can go see the picture. It's on my Twitter. What's next after a weekly Rogan podcast and the book? What's the next project?

There are no next projects. This is about it. This is about all we're going to do. A weekly podcast. We're doing a show for Sony. It's going to be called LFMAO. But now we might have to call it something different. We've been trying to do it for like two years

and now there's a band called L-M-A-L. Or something like that. Yeah, they're close. We'll come up with a name for it. But it's basically interviewing comedians about the creative process. And we're also in the middle of coming up with another show. It's comedy related that I can't talk about, but it should be fun.

That and just more shows, more comedy, more good stuff. Is Fear Factor returning anytime soon? No, it's not. No. I heard there was a rumor that. No. Yeah, there was a rumor for a while they were going to try to bring Fear Factor back. Because Fear Factor, when they canceled it, it was kind of like, they could have kept

it going if they really wanted to. I think that's a show that could come back easily. I don't want to do that Factor back. Because Fear Factor, when they canceled it, it was kind of like, they could have kept it going if they really wanted to. I think that's a show that could come back easily. I don't want to do that shit, man. And if they did it without me, it wouldn't have the flavor. Yeah. I'm sure it would probably be great

if they did it with Mario Lopez. No. You can't pass up on that easy money if you do that. It's a lot of money, god damn it. Especially if you're working with all the same people again and stuff. I might be willing to do it just for my kids. Just put money away. It's a lot of money, god damn it. Especially if you're working with all the same people again and stuff.

I might be willing to do it just for my kids. Just put money away. When's your movie coming out? October. Damn, October? Should I move to

Colorado? I loved Colorado, man. Sideshow Sid said should I move to Colorado? I fucking loved it. I would still be there. I didn't mind the

cold. I like the people. I like the sky. I like the way the fucking mountains cold. I like the people. I like the sky. I like the way the fucking mountains looked. I like the vibe. I liked everything about it. I liked it for me creatively.

I liked living in Colorado. But, you know, when you have a family, you have children, you have a wife, and it's not as easy as just me being by myself. If it was just me by myself, I'd probably still be there. I'd still be on the top of that mountain. But she was not into it. It was just too creepy. When our dog got eaten, our dog got eaten by a mountain lion.

That's not like a rumor. That actually happened. Dog got eaten by a mountain lion. And she's bad driving in snow. She crashed the car. So it was a couple different things. And then she got pregnant. And the pregnancy was the biggest reason why we had to move out of Colorado.

It was because we were living over 8,000 feet above sea level. It's really high. We were 3,000 feet above Boulder. And it's a really, really high altitude. And when you're pregnant, it's just brutal. Really, it's not good for you. It's unhealthy for you and for the baby. Colorado is like one of the highest states in the country, like one of the top states in the country when it comes to premature births. And a lot of it is because the altitude. Just,

you don't get enough air up there. It's just, it's great for your conditioning, but it's not so good for being a pregnant woman. So all those factors, I had to move out of Colorado. But if I could just be somewhere and live somewhere, live in Colorado, oh, in a heartbeat. If I didn't have to travel, stay in Colorado and, you know, deal with snow when it comes, hey, you're fucking snowed in, no big deal. That's what it's supposed to be like. The problem with me is I travel all the time. So I would leave my wife and leave the kids there. It's not the same. By myself, I'd have no problem with it. I loved it.

So if you are going to move somewhere and stay there, I would say, yeah, Colorado's fucking badass. It's my favorite state. Do you think there will be a time when all handheld axes will have a pipe in them like the tomahawk? Is that what tomahawks were? They were a pipe and an axe all in one? Is that what tomahawks were? They were a pipe and an axe all in one? Is that true?

If that's true, the Indians were bad motherfuckers. I don't think that's true. I think that dude just went to a renaissance festival and was getting carried away. Because, I mean, if you think about it, if it was a pipe awesome... Well, listen, this is the beauty of the internet. Right now, we'll Google this. Did tomahawks have pipes on them? I think there might have been a couple that did, but I don't think the majority

of the tomahawks. Well, I speculate. Let's find out. That just doesn't seem right. It seems like it would just make the weapon weaker. Having a hole through the middle of it? Yeah. That's true. That's a good point. Maybe it's enough.

Yeah. I'm sure they make them. Pipe tomahawks.'s say pipe access the crazy crow trading post show me a pipe box these really pipes pipe historically accurate pipe axes We have spent years researching and manufacturing the finest line of throwing tomahawks, pipe tomahawks, belt and camp axes available today. Did you even know there was a market for that kind of shit? That's the beautiful thing about the internet. Let's see what this thing looks like. I don't see the pipe part.

Where's the pipe part? Hand drilled for smoking. Wow. Hand forged iron head drilled for smoking. So basically the pipe is this. You put some tobacco up in that bitch right there and you smoke right out of there.

Or do you smoke out of here? No, I think you smoke out of there. Wow. Which just seems like it would make the handle weaker and the weapon weaker yeah it's what definitely right but this seems like it's like really hard wood look at this one's got a metal piece through it original 1800 to 1825 believed to belong to red cloud wow that's pretty dope red cloud didn't

think it out dude I think we should start smoking pipe from a fucking tomahawk. We've got to order one of those. Come on, man. We'll do the podcast. We'll smoke out of that. Ladies and gentlemen, what say you on Twitter? I need to order this, right? I'm going to order this.

Add to basket. Listen, click. That's right. That's added to the basket. All right, I won't check out now. I'll check out later because I don't want you guys to get bummed out at me.

It was boring enough looking for that toilet tree. Coming up on two hours. We should make this two hours. You think, why are you getting bored? Huh? You don't like it anymore?

No, I just think we should keep it two hours. Someone doesn't like it anymore. We still have to do another video. Someone doesn't think it's fun anymore. Alright, let's go back. 471 motherfuckers in here.

We lost a lot of people for being really boring. Yeah, let's see. Two hours, I think, is just about right. You want them wanting more, not less. Is that what we want, ladies and gentlemen? Is that... Is he right? Is he correct?

I didn't know we were going on two hours. What is the... Where's the time on that? we were going on two hours what is the where's the time on that top left where the blinking light is right here

oh there we go yeah we are I think after two hours also it doesn't save maybe or something

I think after two hours people start hating us yeah fucking faggots got nothing to talk about boring ass

shit so so far we've answered questions, we've put photos up on Twitter, we've talked about some heavy subjects. What more do you need, ladies and gentlemen? We're all living in an alien's

petri dish, says Dawkins20. Maybe. You know, that's possible. Is time an illusion? Shred431 wants to know if time's an illusion. I don't think it's an illusion. I just don't think time is just one thing. You tell that to David Copperfield.

Hmm. Everything's an illusion. I think time is, you know... I mean, we already know that time changes when you go fast. Like, if someone's in a super-fastfast spaceship and they go at the speed of light, time goes by much quicker on Earth than it does in their plane. So if they come back in their super-fast spaceship, for them it's only been a year, but for us it could be like 100 years depending on how far and fast they go. So time moves in a way that I don't think it's the way we look at it i don't

think it's as um cut and dry like you know this is midnight and this is one o'clock i think it's it's much more dependent upon the state that the human being is in like the the frequency the person's in where where the person's living you know that you're living on earth you know this dimension you know that there's the time varies throughout other dimensions, and you can access those dimensions. I mean, if they really do come up with ships that can fly through space at, you know, close to the speed of light or something, they really will be able to go to a place where they're literally going forward in time.

They'll have lived one year, they come back to Earth, and hundreds of years have gone by. That's just, that's nutty shit and that's real I don't think we understand time enough I think time is one of those things that we

we think we've got a grip on what it really is but it's probably far more complex and confusing and variable than we think I think we should get rid

of daylight savings time because I think it's bullshit that it's fucking pitch black outside and it's only 630 yes he's absolutely right. Fuck farmers.

They're all fucking thieves. What? How dare you? No, but seriously. What are you, a giant Cougar Mellencamp hater? Back then it made sense because everybody was a farmer. You know, everything had to do with farmers. Nowadays.

Why didn't they just get up earlier? Yeah. I don't get it. I don't get it. I don't ever think it makes sense. I think, you know, if you have a regular job, you know, sometimes it's dark out, sometimes it's light out. The fucking earth spins. That's what I love about Arizona.

The Arizona, they don't change their time. They're like, fuck you. Yeah. No, it's stupid. Well, they need to even do it better than that. They need to, like, really fuck it up. Like, I want it to be bright out till, like, 9 to 10 o'clock at night. Don't you think that'd be cool?

Yeah, but then it would be dark out until like noon. Yeah, but that's fine. No. That's retarded. You're just as retarded as them. That makes no sense. Most people would rather like to have a daylight. I don't know.

Most people would rather have daylight when they get off work, don't you think? I think that's silly. I think it's silly. I think it's silly. I spelled Twitter wrong on my link. I know I did. I don't think I can fix it, though. I think it's too late. It is.

It is what it is. No, you don't do it there. What do you do it? The other program. Remember? Oh, that's right. That's a... That's a little motherfucker right here.

Chicks are shit. Right on the right. It's not. Yeah, it's just... Where is it? I'm showing the whole thing. Why is it not showing the whole thing because it's like two lines you know what I mean if you hit the right button

save right yeah put it a Joe live. Yay! I fixed that shit. It didn't change. Oh, yeah, it did. Alright. This guy's trying to be funny.

Steve Wizzy. Trying to be funny, Steve Wizzy? He says, besides Carlos Mencia, who are your other favorite current comedians? You don't like Carlos Mencia, though. That's why it doesn't make sense. He's being a silly goose. My favorite comedians, though, for real, are guys who I look forward to seeing, like Louis C.K K Dave Attell Doug Stanhope definitely riser cat Williams

see him live only see him on video cat Williams was on TMZ yesterday just got out of jail or something like that and they and he got in a fight at a bar and he had a gun in his pocket. I like it. He's crazy. Cat's crazy. Yeah, he's crazy for real. I want to meet that dude. I like his comedy.

I think he's very funny. Did you ever listen to him on Grand Theft Auto? No. Is he good? Yeah. He does like the voice? Well, no. They have a comedy club in Grand Theft Auto? No. Is he good? Yeah. He does like The Voice? Well, no.

They have a comedy club in Grand Theft Auto. You can go in and watch comedy. I like it. If not telepathy, what's next for human evolution? Johnny Bananas 21 wants to know. Boobs for men. If not telepathy, what's next for human evolution? Probably a reversal.

If not telepathy, I think we're in a race right now between technology and retards. Between technology and caveman style living you know they're talking about invading pakistan invading yemen and more war and more craziness you know we're at a a crossroads and i think we could either get hit by a meteor or blow ourselves up or figure out the next level figure out what what's going to take human beings from where we are to the next level. Figure out what's going to take human beings from where we are to the next stage of existence. Which is like a real thing. I mean, I think we're really going to evolve.

We're really moving towards something new. You know, I think that's what this frantic fucking society we live in is all about. I think we're pushing and moving towards something. All working together towards something. And I think it's going to be technology driven. So it's one of those things either that's gonna happen There's gonna be some sort of a technologically birthed

Connection that all people all of a sudden share some sort of a Some sort of a convergence of all human beings. It's either going to be that or it's going to be we blow ourselves up or a meteor fucks us up or Yellowstone explodes and we start from scratch. You know? What if in the future the first robot to get pregnant? Imagine if they figure out a way to get

machines so closely tuned into human beings that you can fuck them and get them pregnant. Yeah. I think that's very possible, man. Don't you? Anything's possible. At this point, that's not that crazy. You know?

I mean, they can make so many things artificially. They figured out a way to make pork in a laboratory. Actually, the meat. They could take some of the meat from a pig and they make it in a laboratory, actual the meat, they could take some of the meat from, from a pig, and they make it in a laboratory, the problem is, it's not, it's really like mushy, because it doesn't exercise at all, and it's not like, it's not like taught sinew, but they're trying to figure out a way to maybe electrically exercise the muscle, you could literally like, just make gigantic like rooms full of meat, you know, that doesn't even have a life attached to it, if they can do that,

if they can do that, why can do that, if they can do that, why can't they, if they can figure out a way to grow meat, why can't they figure out a way to make an artificial human being? That's going to be just like Blade Runner, though. They're going to be all sad and shit. They're going to want to kill you.

You know? I mean, you have to give them emotions. If you don't give them emotions, then, you know, they can't relate to people they can't empathize with people

then they just go on mad raping and killing sprees because if you make artificial people what if you make them they get hard-ons and shit

you know my calculator has a boner fucked by a robot imagine I mean if you make the females you can make males too.

Like, for like, old gay dudes. You know? Like, dudes would want, you know, like to have a robot

fuck doll. Right? But gay dudes would want some robot gay dude that they can fuck. You know? Can you imagine if they could make

like a real live, like say if there was a guy who was your neighbor who was really creepy and he was fixated on you and he'd make a robot that looks exactly like you and just fuck it all day long and punch it and tie it up and shit on its head and there's nothing you can do about it so literally next door to your fucking house this guy's like putting the the robot head out the window and waving to you look i'm pissing his mouth and it's like you but it a fake you. And he's just fucking it up all day.

How disturbing would that be? There's nothing you can do about it. Do you have the papers on this? It's not a real human, sir. And he shows the papers. Okay, I guess it's a robot. I mean, if it's a robot, right? Look, I have a grappling dummy in my garage that I use when I practice my jiu-jitsu.

And you can practice positions on it. It's called a Bubba dummy. It's a Gracie. You can buy it from the Gracie Academy in Torrance. They're the ones who start selling it on their website. I forget what the website is. But if you look up Bubba dummy, it's a dummy that's just designed for jiu-jitsu. And we filmed once playing around.

Remember, we were in the garage. We were beating the shit out of it and kicking it in. What if that was a real person? I mean, it's a dummy that we made. But what if it's a robot person? What if there's like a robot person that you could practice Jiu Jitsu on? You could rape him. You could punch him in the face. You could just beat the shit out of him. You could chop his

arms off. He'd be screaming and yelling. And the cops come and go, look, it's a fake person. Yeah, but the laws would have to probably change that artificial intelligence is just the same. You know? Wow. Really?

Yeah, because a dog isn't as smart as a human, but you're not going to – you're allowed to chop the dog's legs off and stuff. If you make a robot that has artificial intelligence, it's still going to be considered artificial intelligence, I think. Yeah, but do you think they'll treat it the same way as a human being? Like change the laws and it'll be like murder? Right. I think if it can think, it's going to be considered life. But before they figure that out, there's going to be a long window. Oh, yeah.

There's going to be a couple years of masturbating robots. You and the extra in the neighborhood have a direct replica of you, and he's going to fuck its mouth right in front of your window. Right. And he's going to blow an air horn. You look out the window. What the fuck is he doing? And you look, and he's fucking your head right and you think about it like what if that was me what if i was the the duplicate and the real me was watching me get raped

that's weird shit that could be real that could be real that could really be a possibility you know what i'm surprised is that there's not technology yet where I could have a program and type out shit and make it sound exactly like you. Yeah. Like, you know, like you can listen to your voice and do the exact levels. So like you can prank call with your mom, you know, stuff like that. There should be that already. There should be that. Totally.

Yeah. Why haven't they figured that out yet? It seems easy. You know what's really ridiculous too is that you still have to sign things. You scribble your name. How dumb is that? Yeah, and that's just stupid because I mean I write taco, I write penis. They don't even care.

They don't look at it. They don't check your ID to see. No, no. I don't sign my credit cards. I guess if you look at my driver's license, I scribbled my name on that. It's a similar scribble. But what are these fucking people that work at Target? Are they scribble experts?

Yeah. They can look at that scribble. I don't know. It's just not scribble. But what are these fucking people that work at Target? Are they scribble experts? Yeah. They can look at that scribble. I don't know. It's just not the same guy. Sometimes I write full sentences, honest to God. Yeah, it's ridiculous. How is that still around?

It's stupid. You write something with your name. And that's legally binding. If you write something with your name, you know what I mean? Like, you know, when I got married, I had to get a marriage you had to write scribble that's a that's what ties you up now when you write right did you write void see i would do that see i would write this is not real and but make a scribble because then at the end she has a gun to my head yeah if i get a divorce i go no sir if you could see i wrote this is not void on it i I wonder if that would stand out. This is not valid. I don't know. Maybe.

Maybe you could say, I could say, well, we have the documents you signed, and you can look at it and go, look what I wrote. Yeah, it says this is not real. Maybe just sign, I do not agree to this. A gun is being held up to my head right now.

Yeah, someone's trying to tell me they have my dog hostage robots will have rights after a while see that's a guy I watched that Will Smith movie AI no AI too

remember AI so they need to make an AI movie like with the kid but like you know sex what was it I am robot

yeah I am robot that was that was a good movie that's a good movie everything was Mac remember all the robots

look like Max yeah does Gilbert Ivo have a chance against Dos Santos That was a pretty good movie. That's a good movie. Everything was Mac, remember? All the robots looked like Macs. Yeah. Does Gilbert Ivo have a chance against Dos Santos? This guy's talking about this weekend's UFC. Is that when you leave? You won't talk about UFC? We'll answer one UFC question. Yes, he does.

Gilbert Ivo's dangerous. He's a really good striker. He's a dangerous motherfucker. And he knows this is a big opportunity for him. He's going to come charged and guns blazing. Don't you think it's stupid when people ask who's going to win the fight? Because obviously it's a fight for a reason, meaning that there's not an obvious winner of this fight. Most of the time there's not an obvious winner.

But most of the time, I mean, there's a lot of times when everybody agrees that a certain guy's going to win. I mean, it doesn't mean that you're right. But in this fight, this guy doesn't know that much about this Gilbert Ivo guy, probably, and he wonders. I think Gilbert's got a real good chance. He's dangerous. If he trains hard, if he's in real good shape,

he's very, very dangerous. He knocks a lot of guys out. His knockout of Gary Goodrich in Pride was one of the most spectacular knockouts ever. Head kicked him. Boom! One shot, like 10 seconds into the fight, put him to sleep.

You know, those questions, though, you can ask a dog to bark once for yes and bark two for no and have the same percentage of the outcome of the question and the answer. You know what I mean? Like, if you say, yeah, that person's going to win, the answer... Well, I never say someone's going to win. Right. But someone's... I'll tell you if someone's good or not. You don't know if

someone's going to win. Okay, no more sports questions. Order it. I'm going to order the tomahawk pipe next broadcast. Hopefully, if they get it to me in time, we'll have the tomahawk pipe. I think that's a fucking awesome item. You need another pipe. I need a tomahawk like a motherfucker.

That would be kind of cool to have a tomahawk. I need a tomahawk like a motherfucker. That would be kind of cool to have a tomahawk. That'd be a good one. Especially since it's a direct replica of something from a dude named Red Cloud. Oh, there you go. Look at those fanny packs they have. Oh, they have a sweet fanny pack. Look at that.

It's made out of a quilt. Oh, that's like a shoulder bag. I don't do shoulder bags. That's a goddamn purse. Okay? Fanny pack is fucking manly. That's some manly shit. All right, let's go to the Rogan board and see.

Questions there. Why is fanny pack manly? I'll tell you why fanny pack's manly. Because if you're wearing a fanny pack, first of all, you're saying, I don't give a fuck what you think about how I look. You know, you're just slapping this big, stupid, gay thing around your waist. You're like, whatever. I have two hands free, and I'm happy.

I'm not trying to look good for you. I'm not trying to fuck you. I'm not trying to get you to be my friend i like having all my shit in a bag that connects right here yeah i'm not trying to get laid so when people talk about oh man how can you wear a fanny pack that's so gay it's a bag that connects to my waist this is silly the only reason why you don't think it's good looking is because women think it's disgusting and women think it looks gay. So women have figured out a way to bully guys into not wearing it by telling us that it looks gay. Why would you care what kind of a bag another man wears?

Unless he's wearing a bright pink Hello Kitty strap. It covers up your crotch. Yeah. It does cover up my crotch. It's right there. So if there's like a micrometer that comes from outer space and could potentially hit potentially hit me in the dick it's gonna hit my cell phone first or perhaps my wallet it's right there it's easy for travel when I go to the airport I unbuckle that thing bang put it on my car keys are in there my cell phones in there whoo fanny packs of the shit son

fanny packs are the shit son that would be cool if gay people loved the smell of farts didn't Joey Diaz have a joke about that for a while this fella says when are you going to come to the east coast of Canada I don't like the east coast of Canada we were in Montreal

last April that was fun. I'll be back. I'll definitely be back up there. Alright, page two. We're going to the Rogan Board right now to answer questions. What do I think about Jersey Shore?

I don't like Jersey Shore as much as I thought I would like it. I knew too many dudes like that growing up. To me, it's like more annoying and stupid. It's fun for a couple seconds. Hey, fist pump. You know, but after a while,

it's just... It's fake. This is my theory. Have I told you my theory? No. I think kind of like when The Hills first came out, everyone thought that was real

then slowly got to the point where everyone figured out it was a fake show that's filmed to look real. I think Jersey Shore is real. Yeah. They're way too dumb to act. But did you know half of them are like male strippers that had to audition?

Like they're all in the entertainment field. It's called Jersey Shore instead of the Hills. You know, I bet you anything in three years. They auditioned for that? Yeah. I bet you anything. That makes sense. And they all live in this house, this really nice like real world house.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But that's the real people. Right. It's really a genius show if you look at it that way. Right, but I think in three years

we're all gonna be like, knowing it's fake. Like, that fight somehow is fake and everything. Really. It wasn't fake when that dude

punched that girl in the face. Yeah, unless that chick is like a, you know, stunt woman and they fucking practiced it for like 50 years, you know what I mean?

I don't know. If they practiced the punch like 50 years you know what i mean i don't know if they practice the punch a lot you know i mean you look at movies you look at that punch it looks real if they filmed it like to look fake i don't know i think that dude got drunk and punched that bitch in the face listen someone said would i have full-blown aids or spend one year in Mark Hayden's body? Pick one. Mark Hayden's body? You know what?

Full-blown AIDS you could recover from. You have one year in Mark Hayden's body? It would probably be torture. Dude. I think full-blown AIDS, if you take your vitamins, you'll probably be okay in a couple of weeks. Dude, you spend one year in Mark Hayden's body fuck every chick

you could possibly fuck. You're not gonna fuck anything. Get him AIDS and then get out of his body. You're not gonna fuck anything in Mark Hayden's body. You don't get AIDS

in Mark Hayden's body. You don't even understand the question. No, I'm saying if you have one year in his body you could just abuse it like fuck

and get the fuck out of there in one year. That's ridiculous. How dare you. Let's end this. Let's end this? Alright, well a couple more questions then we're gonna get the fuck out of there in one year. That's ridiculous. How dare you. Let's end this. Let's end this. All right, well, a couple more questions, then we're going to get the fuck out of here.

I've got to admit, some of these questions are really lame. But it could be that we're really high, and they just seem lame. That's a distinct possibility. I wish I had some more coffee right now. I apologize for the whack-ass internet. I really am gonna fix that.

Should I go AT&T U-verse or should I go Comcast cable? Charter. Charter. Charter. Does anybody know? Wow, this guy says, I think Red Band's life is fake. How about that, fella? Chojin2k.

My life is fake. He says your life is fake. I think he said your Life is Fake. How about that, fella? Chojin 2K. Life is fake. He says your life is fake. I think he said your face is fake. His face is... His screen name's fake. Look, he doesn't even have a picture. What's this? Die, what would happen? What?

That's fake Anon. Yeah, fake Anon's not funny. Nope. Look at this. This is the laziest rapist ever. Dave Broomfield at Hotmail.com says, Hey, Joe Rogan, why don't you invite me to come trip with you in your isolation tank? How lazy is he?

That's not how you stalk and rape somebody, son. You're going to have to be a little more clever than that. That's ridiculous. Fuck that guy. We got a fake Brett Rogers. Hey Joe Rogan, did you see my last fight? No fake Brett Rogers, I didn't. Brett Rogers is not on Twitter, ladies and gentlemen. That's a fake Brett Rogers. The real Brett Rogers is a bad motherfucker, but that's not him.

But it was really funny when the fake Brett Rogers was having an argument with the real War Machine. That was pretty funny. War Machine didn't get it. Thought it was all really happening.

Brian, you stopped talking a while ago. What happened? Have you given up on us? Yeah. I get to the cutoff point where I'm just tired of staring at computer. Yeah. Well, I have an accompanying Indian headdress to go with my tomahawk pipe,

says Amuse94. Yeah, that's a very good question. And I think, yes. I think if we're going to really get in touch with the spirit world, we're going to need full Indian attire. You know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're going to need the whole thing, man. We're going to need feathers and shit and the correct type of weed.

Got to make sure we only smoke what the Indians smoke. Smaller condoms? No, not those Indians. American Indians. Not India Indians. Did I see the girl mosh pit? I watched it for a couple seconds but it was like one of those terrorist videos where they cut some dude's head off.

After a while you're like, just shut it off. Alright. See if any of these questions don't suck. This one sucks. This one sucks. This one sucks. I think if anything came out of this,

somewhere, someone right now is thinking about designing a robot where you clone your neighbor and make a robot out of them and then fuck them and rape them in front of them. Somebody is thinking about that and I think if this chat has done anything good for the world

it's introduced that idea that possibility out there of making a clone of you you know what's going to suck is we're going to be like 90 years old and they're going to make the perfect fuck robot but we're going to be so old we're not going to even care anymore we're just going to sit down and be like I don't even want to see it

it was ruining my life yeah I guess but they'll probably have more problems I don't even want to see it. I'll tell you that. It was ruining my life. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. But they'll probably have more problems than we have now. You know, we'll probably look back on these days and go, oh, remember the simple times? You could just get on the internet and drive to work.

You didn't have to worry about monsters and aliens and UFOs and fucking, you know, the hyena flu that's killing everybody lately. You know? That's the next one. Something scary. Like pig flu doesn't scare you. Bird flu doesn't scare you. The fucking hyena flu that's killing everybody lately, you know? That's the next one. Something scary. Like pig flu doesn't scare you. Bird flu doesn't scare you. The fucking hyena flu is going to scare the shit out of you. You know?

It's a flu that came from hyenas. Holy shit. Yeah, from eating their own young. They came up with a fucking crazy new flu. And it's everyone who gets it dies. Everyone will be wearing beekeepers outfits everywhere. Fucking masks and shit. The first cat in California last week got the first H1N1.

Really? People to cat. So maybe it's going to be cats. We're going to have to kill our cats. After you have a baby, cats become just really annoying. Even dogs are annoying. Shut the fuck up, Steve.

Baby's the best. Baby's rule. Even dogs are annoying. Shut the fuck up, Steve. Babies rule. Dogs I still like. My cat started pissing in my office right after my child was born. Transparent little cunt. So obvious what she wanted. Dirty little bitch. Couple more questions here. Let's go to the Rogan board and see if we got a good question there.

Do you ever get mad? Can anything actually piss you off to the point where Rogan smashed? I get upset. It has to be pretty fucking a bad situation to get me that upset. I'm pretty rational when it comes to most things. I have a, I mean, everyone has the ability to freak out over something. It's just whether or not you choose to let yourself get there. You know, just gotta make sure, I think the most important thing about not getting mad is manage your biology. You got to treat your biology like it's a bank account. And if you have, you know, if you're in debt, you know, you owe it something. If you know you're overdrafted, you owe yourself an expenditure of energy. You know, especially if you have a certain type of body. If

you have a muscular body, if you have a person type of body. If you have a muscular body, if you have a person who's engaged in athletics your whole life, you have a body that's used to exerting a lot of energy. You owe it to that body. You have a debt to pay. And if you don't pay that debt, you're going to have a problem where you're going to have too much energy that's stored up and built in and not blown out. And it's going to come out in unusual ways, like in traffic or at work or whatever. You'll start screaming and freaking out about something you really didn't need to. And really, it's all just about managing your biology, managing your thoughts. It's very important to have some downtime where you can sit alone by yourself and just think. That's very, very important. For me, the isolation tank does that like times

100 that's my favorite but sometimes even just sitting on the couch and just by myself just thinking you know you can call it meditation you can call it whatever the fuck you want just spending time to organize your thoughts and put your mind in a certain place put your body in a certain place with exercise with yoga with nutrition all that shit. You've got to manage your biology. And when you manage your biology, it makes managing your mind much, much easier. Managing your mind, managing your biology,

that's the key to not getting upset at things. You fucking faggots. What? Okay. The best art is created from the starving artist. This is a good question. It seems the best art is created from the starving artist. Being wealthy,

do you feel it hurts your ability to create art, comedy, or do you believe that not having to worry about your financial well-being allows you more time to be creative?

That's a very good question. I think a lot of times people are much more ambitious when they're starving. They have much more energy. They have much more dedication towards something. But that doesn't mean that you can't have a lot of dedication towards something when you become successful. It all depends on what was your motivation in the first place. If your

motivation in the first place was recognition and adulation, and then you become famous, and then you get that, then you have no motivation to keep going. But if your motivation is the actual art itself, is creating new things, then I think you can be more free as you become successful because you're in a position where you don't have to worry about money anymore. So you have one less thing to think about. And you're ambitious in the sense of being creative. Instead of concentrating on money, your mind is not geared on that. Your mind is geared on the art. That's how I like to think that I am. And when I'm at my best, that is where I'm at. That's, that's my, my mind frame. You know, that's my, my, my point of reference is that I think about the, the creation of the art itself. That's when I'm at my

best. If I think about money and I think about like, how much is this going to pay me? And is this worth this? It's not the same motivation. So it's, you don't get the same results. It's not the same passion to it. The passion's got to be real. It's got to be my comedy, the way in my head, my motivation is all about whether or not people enjoy it. I don't want to do anything that people don't enjoy. I want to make sure that everything that I'm creating, I'm creating it so other people get enjoyment out of it. And that's the reward that you get for that.

As long as you're concentrating on that, you do no wrong. As long as you have the dynamic and the relationship between you and the audience, as long as you respect that, and as long as your relationship to the creativity is all based on just producing more stuff that's good, that people enjoy, as long as you're doing it for that reason, I don't think you have to worry about money robbing you of your enthusiasm. But if you were just in it for the money and just in it for the money and just in it for the adulation yeah you become successful and then all of a sudden like you're not gonna want to do it anymore you're not gonna be you're

not gonna be enthusiastic about it anymore hyena flu equals super aids yeah so, that's what I'm talking about. What do I plan on doing December 21st, 2012? No, I'm going to stay. If it's really what people say, are you going to go to the pyramids, man? If it's really what some people think it is, this convergence, this technological convergence

where all human beings will interface with each other, where someone creates a time machine where some huge Technological breakthrough happens if that's that's what some people think December 21st 2012 having collider or whatever that shit's called They had drawn collider. I think that's about the time It's gonna if that's the case then it doesn't matter where you are right and they should be amongst friends Done nearby maybe Brian, and I will do a you stream that day. Yeah, should we commit to you 24-hour? Let's commit to a Ustream right now. We're going to commit to a Ustream for December 21st, 2012. December

20th, 2012 we'll commit. So that as the 21st turns over, we'll do it at night. We'll have a midnight show. At night. We will start out 8 o'clock Eastern. So that's 11 o'clock Eastern. I don't care what time it is in England. You don't count. That's not December 21st, 2012. It's all based on fucking America.

Because the Mayans and the Americans are basically on the same calendar, sort of. No, not really. I think it's a different time. Well, in Chichen Itza, it's the same as Miami. It's just a little bit below that. Either way, December 20th, 2012.

Brian and I are committing right now to a Ustream. We're going to do it. Feel strong about that? Yeah, nothing's going to happen. Maybe, maybe nothing's going to happen. That is a possibility. You know, I think people like to know

that something's going to happen. We have a friend that likes to believe in UFOs and psychics and chemtrails and anything wacky, this dude just jumps on board. And I think it's just as possible that nothing's going to happen. I think that's more possible that it's not going to happen. You know why I think it's possible that something might happen on that day?

Because everybody's thinking something's going to happen on that day. Right. If it's some dude sitting somewhere with some bombs. I don't even think that. I don't even think that. I think the idea that we're going to force something to happen by really concentrating it as a point of focus. This is one point. Yeah, but that's what everyone thought was going to happen in 2000. That is true.

But everybody was waiting for the clocks to break in 2000. It was a very specific thing. Planes falling from the sky. Fucking Capri's going to stop working, man. I stayed home. I remember I stayed home. That was one of the first years where I didn't do a New Year's show.

I think I probably was worried. What's so weird is that everyone was really freaked out about that and then we had all this built up stress because of it and then just shortly after 9-11. Then we finally got to release all the stress like the world's ending text i just remember being really stressed out thinking

something was going to happen it seems like right after that 9-11 all right let's quit my brain's mush easy to give up two It's a good thing. Brian doesn't... Two and a half hours, isn't it? Brian doesn't take vitamins. Yeah, I do. Two hours and 20 minutes. It's too much. I ate a bag of carrots today. I have a juicer now. Oh, man.

A bag of carrots. Well, we've dropped down to 423 viewers. What that says to me is at least 100 of you motherfuckers thought we were boring as shit. Yeah. So, I think that... How hairy is my butt from 1 to 10? How dare you, sir? How dare you, sir? How dare you, big 2-2 thug.

From 1 to 10, my butt, 3, 3 or 4. I really could use shaving and trimming. I was listening to an old Howard Stern broadcast where they were fined, and he was fined for talking about shaving his butt. You know, you don't realize how crazy those fucking regular radio shows are, like what you can and can't do until you hear something like that, but it was inspiring, and I was thinking about

trimming my own butt hair, but it could definitely help. Solar flares are not in our control, and that's the thing to worry about, says Raptor94. Raptor94 thinks

that solar flares are going to do us in. Very possible, man. Nobody fucking knows. Solar flares are gay. Make Brian clean my room for the next Ustream. That's just my other desk. It's covered with shit. It's a desk, but I really use it as a place to just leave shit.

I'm a slob. I have problems, ladies and gentlemen. What bullshit resolutions will you slob I have problems ladies and gentlemen do do do do do do do what bullshit resolutions will you say you will keep

and won't no I don't make resolutions cause he's not a girl cause I'm not a fucking girl alright and if I wanted to fix

something about myself I would start now I wouldn't wait I always say I'm gonna work out more this year I'm gonna fucking get my shit together but for the most part I put out as much energy as I want to put out I focus on things as much as much as I can while still enjoying them, you know

Always dancing around obsession That's a very important to me whether it's with comedy or anything else and with games with anything in my life I always have to dance around becoming obsessed with things. So for me, it's just enjoy. Just try to be balanced and try to consciously, you know, just try to have a good time and be positive. When I get obsessed with things, whether it's about jiu-jitsu or comedy or playing games like pool or video games, I get crazy about things, and I don't like that feeling.

I don't like getting obsessed with things. Brian, you get obsessed with jerking off, right? No. How much porn do you have? I get obsessed with internet though. For sure. It feels like I constantly want more information about everything.

It just branches off more and more and more. I'll be looking at how applesauce is made but then I need be looking about how applesauce is made, but then I need to know about how the apples are grown. It just keeps on going and going and going. Yeah, it wasn't that way when you were a kid, right? No, not at all. I fucking hated reading and I didn't

want to learn anything. I just wanted to play video games and roll around on the ground. Isn't it funny how different when you get older your idea of information changes? Because when I was a kid, information always meant school, meant shit you have to learn, meant boring, meant suck. Right. You know, they were all connected together. But then when it's no longer a requirement, then you find out what you're actually interested in and you pursue those things.

You know? Yeah. Right? Brian just fucking fell asleep on me. Believe that shit? The fuck? Alright, my Twitter friends. I think we're gonna answer one more question.

He's fake snoring like the goddamn Three Stooges. What the fuck? Is that Moe? Are you doing mo why gonna make we gotta have this early we're gonna it might have been curling you're right 2002 guys says 2012 something very subtle may happen that we don't realize for a while. Dude, that dude... Dude.

What? Say it. Go smoke your AOL disc and get off the internet. Something subtle is happening right now we won't recognize for a while. That's not what 2012 is supposed to be. If that's what happens, then 2012 is bullshit. It's 100% bullshit. If December 21st, 2012 rolls around and we just go... it's supposed to be. If that's what happens, then 2012 is bullshit. Then it's 100% bullshit.

If December 21st, 2012 rolls around and we just go, nothing. I don't feel anything. I don't feel a thing. Then it's bullshit. 100%. It's not like, oh man, no, there's a change. You're just not going to realize it for a while. No, it's supposed to be, bam. It's supposed to be, open a door. Here's a new thing You know I mean if the internet turned on like if there was a day that the internet turned on we all looked back and said oh December 10th 2000 and or 1993 that's when the internet turned on and the world changed forever if there was like a recognized date First of all, that would be way more important than fucking Columbus Day. How about that? How about we study Columbus Day and that dude never even landed in America, right?

He was in the fucking Bahamas raping and murdering people and shit. You know, and then Columbus Day. The Internet Day is a way bigger day for American history than fucking Columbus Day. If they came out with an Internet Day, that would be important. But December 21st, 2012

has to be like that Internet Day. It has to be a day where we look back and go, wow, that day, some shit started off. That's the day that changed everything. That's what December 21st, 2012 has got to be. All the hype behind it, if it's not that, then it's bullshit. This whole idea

that it's the end of an age, that it's becoming a new era. Maybe, possibly, but to me that could just as easily happen tomorrow or i mean why do we assume that the mayans were absolutely correct about that even if they were correcting recognizing that human beings go in cycles you know that's uh that's not a an old idea the yugas is a um and i believe a hindu idea i think it's Hindu. Along the same lines, there's stages that humanity goes through, and that these stages, these cycles, that they're all repeatable.

They just keep happening in a cycle over and over again. Just like how you breathe in, you always breathe out. Humanity rises and falls. And right now we're supposed to be in Kali Yuga, and it's also supposed to end the same time around where the Mayans believe that this age is going to end. And the same time where Terence McKenna's Time Wave Zero novelty theory, which a lot of people think is bullshit, I don't know if it's bullshit or not, but there was a guy named Terence McKenna that had this crazy mathematical algorithm designed to track time

and it was based off the I Ching. And the idea was that you could apply this to past events and show that all human innovation that progress in humanity is all like you could chart it on a graph that it's all like going along a certain direction and that eventually was going to reach a point of what he called ultimate novelty and the idea of ultimate novelty would be something that we would figure out or do, like create a time machine or something like that, that would literally change everything as we know it. And that Ray Kurzweil calls it the singularity, that there's a bunch of different scientists that believe we're moving towards this convergence, this one big invention. And they tie that into the Mayan thing, that December 21, 2012 is exactly the same as the ending point for ultimate novelty for time wave zero,

and that Terrence McKenna arrived at that time completely independent of the Mayan calendar. I don't know if it's bullshit. You don't have really studied it either, right? Did you study it? He knew about this whole thing, and he just programmed this logic around that date. It's possible. It's possible.

It's possible. It didn't seem like he was a liar though. I mean he might have been kind of a hippie and a dreamer. Dude he's a hippie. They're all liars.

They all want money so they can buy weed and fucking patrolling. And patrolling. Maybe. We don't know. What we do know is this fucking thing's

been going on for two hours and 30 minutes and that's it. It's over ladies and gentlemen. Brian and I are going to go get something to eat and we're going to sign out. We're going to try to do this every week now. Two hours every week. Two hours.

Two hours and a half. You're right. Two hours is not so good. Or two hours and a half is not so good. Two hours is the perfect length. But we appreciate all 400 and fucking whatever of you. We had 500 people at one point in time. It's like a comedy club. And as soon as we

get some more internet in here, we're going to start triple broadcasting it on both Justin TV and all the other ones. Yeah, we'll put it on three and we'll also

give you different angles too. Yeah, different angles. If you want to be a fucking weirdo. You know? Can we get bigger heads up a couple days? Yes!

My friend Jim Dirksen Did... No. Did Rick? Yes, my friend Jim Didrickson. Jim Didrickson. Yeah, we'll definitely give more advanced time. We just figured it out yesterday we were going to do it, and then I put it up and said we were going to do it in a couple hours. But what we'll do next time is, what we're eventually going to do is have a specific time we start at every week. That sounds good, right?

Like a Wednesday. Yeah, Wednesday afternoons. Yeah, you're right. Because even if we go on the road for comedy, we don't leave until Thursday usually. So we'll do, we'll try to do a Tuesday or a Wednesday. And that's what we'll do. We'll do like late afternoon in LA, like 3 o'clock is

perfect, somewhere around that line. And we'll do it on a regular basis. So this week, I'm at the House of Blues on Saturday. No, yeah, Saturday night, Friday night at the House of Blues. This Friday in Vegas. That's January 1st. There's still tickets available for that.

New Year's Eve in Melrose at the Improv in Hollywood on Thursday night. It's totally sold out. So that's sold out. But there's still some tickets available for the House of Blues. So if you're going to be in Vegas, Brian's not coming unless he wants to. Unless he changes his mind. He's taking it back. Vegas on New Year's Day just seems like that.

Dried puke everywhere. Hell in August. It's hell in August. But New Year's Eve, like I said, it's all sold out. Sorry. But New Year's Day, January 1st, the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay. And it'll be Joey Diaz and Ari Shafir. If Ari doesn't kill himself

before then, hopefully he won't. So, thank you very much, everybody. Thanks for tuning into this, and we'll see you next week. We're going to do this every week. Okay, bitches? Alright, thanks. Thanks. Stop record.