The Joe Rogan Experience - #2001 - Gabriel Iglesias

Episode Date: June 22, 2023

Gabriel Iglesias is a stand-up comic and actor. His most recent special, "Stadium Fluffy," is available on Netflix.  www.fluffyguy.com

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day! Finally, finally you're here, finally. Finally! You're one of the most requested guys ever. I was like, I gotta see him somewhere, I gotta run into him. We'll make it happen.

So we made it happen. I'm excited to see you, brother. It's a pleasure, finally. I mean, we've ran in so many similar circles for so many years we ran into each other at the canelo fight yeah yeah but i mean god i've been seeing you for 20 years yeah well you were always the hero of the ice house we'd go down the ice house well how the fuck does he sell out so many shows gabriel's doing like a two in the afternoon show 4 p.m show how many shows did you do in a day at one point in time? The most I ever did in one day, like full sets, not just like a 10-minute spot.

Four shows. Four full one-hour shows. But yeah, we were doing matinee shows at the Ice House. It's wild. It's wild. We'd go down there and see the signs and all the pictures. It was like, this is crazy. Who the fuck is doing that?

You know, because I was doing, they were calling them kid shows because I was allowing all ages. Bob Fisher was bending the rules to let me have. That's great. Because your act is perfect for that. But, you know, I mean, I tailored it. I tailored it. So, of course, you take a cuss words in certain topics. But for the most part, it was a friendly show.

Well, you can do that is what I'm saying. You could float in and out of that world. You could be clean and then you can fuck around. A little bit, yeah. Yeah. A little cut loose. So the set that you would hear at 2 o'clock probably isn't the set you'd hear at the 10.30 show. Yeah.

So you go from that to doing Dodger Stadium. Well, there was a couple shows in between. I know, but what the fuck, dude? What is that? That had to be a trip. What the fuck was that like? You know what? I thought that I was going to be super nervous doing that show,

but it was probably one of the most calm experiences for me as far as not feeling pressure because it felt more like a celebration versus me having to perform like all these people are already here because they know what i've done right over the years right and it's not like oh i gotta make sure i hope i have a good set right there's i forget how many people told but there were so many people there that all they want is for you to do good right they want they want to see you succeed they want this they want

this to go well for you that's so crazy and and to feel that energy of of people wanting you to succeed wanting you to do good you know people that were there for for the ride back at the ice house you know 20 some odd years ago look at all those people yeah that is insane that's insane it was it was a beautiful moment. I was choked up in the first 30 seconds walking out there because they just kept cheering. And then I said, we did it. And it was over after that. So it was a big emotional show for me.

On Netflix, it was an hour and almost two hours. But the actual night, I was on stage for over three. Wow. And they could not get me off that stage because then i broke it broke out a bottle of tequila and then i turned it into a big quinceanera is what i did at the end and uh i got fined by dodger stating for going over the time that's hilarious if you run the light of the club it's all right come on maybe you mess how much they fine you well you don't have to say it was over 100 oh100,000. Oh, Jesus Christ, Dodger. Come on, guys.

Stop being cunts. Is that like operating costs? Like, what is that? Well, you got to figure all the costs that go into like, you know, the union, the staff. I mean, there's so many people that work there. It's not going to be worth it, though. Yes. I'd do it all over again.

It was the greatest night of my life. And so happy to pay the fine. That's amazing. When I saw Bill Burr do Fenway Park, a similar sort of situation. You know, like, holy shit. And to do it in your hometown, you know, that's the best part. I think it's always harder to get love at home.

You know, that's why you go out on the road and you do your thing. And I think that getting that love at home, like I never got to perform at a comedy club at home until I became successful on the road. I didn't get the laugh factories or the comedy stores or the improvs until I went out and did. That doesn't make sense, though. Why would that be? Were you hanging around?

You got to figure 20 some odd years ago, maybe they had a Latino night. You had to really know somebody. Somebody had to really vouch for you. It was weird. Most of my shows were at bars so what year did you start i started in 97 97 so most of those years you're hopping around doing bars one-nighters and stuff like that oh so-and-so has a room so-and-so has a room you know joey diaz took me to a lot of those places oh yeah joey diaz would tell you come

on motherfucker you want to go to the real place he would take you to some chinese restaurant in the middle of nowhere it's run by mexican people it was amazing joey would say you want to see escobar would spend his weekends he would go to all these crazy shows but he had a philosophy behind it he was like you know i want to go everywhere i want to go everywhere i want to get in front of these momos i want to go down to the east side and rock those he was just like he wanted to do all kinds of different shows like just to like feel it out you know and i think he's right they're like those dingy bar shows there's something about those shows that teach a little extra it's humbling yeah the cool part was is that i was used to performing in places like that before I actually got an audience that was willing to just be quiet and listen yes so I felt like oh wow that was hard you know because you have to

come out the gate swinging to get people in a bar people that are focused on the game focused on trying to hook up having a drink trying to wait you know waiting for somebody there's all kinds of different things happening and so the fact that you, to be able to go out there and get their attention. Yeah. You know, that, that, that was like a,

like it was school. Yeah. It is school. It is a school that no one is going to give you a lesson plan. You got to kind of do it all yourself and you got to learn from the other people that are doing it like Joey, but it's like, I did the same thing in Boston.

We mostly, we got road gigs because those are the ones that, you know, they would pay you to drive two hours and do some, some you know 40 minutes in front of a bunch of crazy people And you're excited to do oh my god Yeah, it was amazing just of the fact that you were making money doing comedy was amazing and you're learning how to do it You're learning how to do it the hard way and restaurants and bars and pubs and just yeah We're little outdoor venues and there was no social media back then, no YouTube,

no TikTok video clips, no nothing that you could post. You just had to go out and... But honestly, that's great because that gave you this chance to, first of all, know you really wanted it. Because if you were really going to grind it out every night, going to all these weird shitty places for no money, for years, for years you're not making any money. You've got to be committed to that.

Because a lot of people, they've got one foot in, one foot out, they have one good set, and they're like, you know, maybe any money. You got to be committed to that. Because a lot of people, they got half, one foot in, one foot out. They have one good set. And they're like, you know, maybe I'll give comedy a try. But guys like you and guys like me, we're out there every fucking night. Every night. I knew that with time, money would come as long as I stuck it out. You know, I was in a very cush position when I started doing stand-up. So it was a little, you know little challenging to say goodbye to security.

I had a great gig selling cell phones. I was making about $5,000 a month. And in 1997, working in sales, making that, I never had insurance. I had a nice little PPO plan. Couldn't you work there during the day? I did. For how long? I did. For how long? I did.

I lasted about a year because I found out that I couldn't just do my job and then go do shows at night and then go home. You couldn't go home. You had to stay out. We had to wind up at a Denny's. You had to wind up at some freaking taco shop or whatever at 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning talking to other comics because that was the only other way you were going to find out about another show. You couldn't send a tweet. You couldn't send a text because you didn't have that as an option you had to talk to people right hey so-and-so has a room oh really what's okay give me that number and you had to learn to write numbers and save numbers and information and learn how to follow up hey what do you think about you know and then yeah yeah

can you vouch for me that meant a lot back then on your behalf. Hey, so-and-so's got a tight 10. Yeah, it's huge. You know, that's huge. So staying out late at night, coming home at four or five in the morning and then having to be up at seven to go do my nine to five. It fortunately I was young and I was able to hang for about a year and then I just couldn't. I was falling asleep at work and i got caught i got caught you know i was working inside of a little uh kiosk selling cell phones and one time i just kind of let me do some inventory here on the floor and then i guess i was snoring and somebody caught oh my god oh my god that's a beautiful story though yeah that's an american dream and i thought that because i had done a couple of television shows and I saw the money that I could make doing stand up at that time, I said, oh, well.

And you start doing the math, the delusional math. Well, if I get one of these a month and I do this and this and this, I only need this much to pay my rent, this much to pay my car note. I'll be I'm going to be fine. And I quit my day job and i got um evicted from my apartment because i ran out of money so fast um they came after my car the repo guy was looking for the car i got evicted i went to go sleep on my uh sister's couch it was it was one of those and everybody's like well go get your job back and i'm like ah if i do then then i'm not gonna pursue this at the time? 20, 21.

Yeah, you could still kind of fuck up a little bit at 20, 21. I had no problem sleeping in a car at that age. Now I'm like, eh. Now it would suck. Maybe I got to get that day job back. But no, back then I was willing to do whatever it took. But that's what you're supposed to do. You know, I've met a lot.

Tony did that. I know a lot of people that did that. A lot of people slept in their car. Brian Simpson was homeless. Yeah. It's like, if you really believe in it. You know what? of people that did that. A lot of people slept in their car. Brian Simpson was homeless. Yeah. It's like if you really believe in it. You know what? Yeah.

What are you willing to do? What are you willing to sacrifice to make it happen? Because there's a path. It can be done. It's just not easy. It's not easy. And you've got to hope you have talent and hope you're not delusional and hope you can figure it out and maximize that talent. Because a lot of people say that they want it, but do they?

A lot of people say a lot of things. People are scared of being uncomfortable. That's really what it is. They're scared of challenges. They're scared of being uncomfortable. And I get it. I get it. But the key like being around a bunch of other people that are also taking risks it helps you a lot you see them do it and then you want to do it too if you're around people that are trying to bro listen to me get your fucking job back stop being a moron you're not gonna make it i never thought you were that funny if you're around guys like that a lot those are your buddies that's a drag that's a drag well a lot of those voices i heard were family not necessarily friends it's like even closer yeah but they're just

looking out for you you know they're worried they didn't know you know if they had a magic crystal ball they'd be like oh oh okay oh i should have been more supportive but it would have bought me something nice in the beginning they're also, oh, you want to do that? How cool. Yeah, yeah, you can do it. Go for it. Chase your, follow your dreams. Happy for you.

And then you do it, and you're like, oh, okay. Well, when they see the reality, like the homeless part, and the not having any money part, not having any health care part when you used to, and then the uncertainty of it all it's not like going to law school you graduate the bar yeah there's a path we don't even have a school for it you have to figure it out on your own it's like every other even if you want i mean there's many many many self-taught musicians right but you could learn on youtube how to play guitar

you can learn on youtube how to play the piano you could learn you can take lessons they're available everywhere someone could teach you how to maximize your voice Whatever singing voice you have There's nothing that anybody can show you About comedy Because it's such a broader spectrum What works for one person Will definitely not work for another

And I think it's all In what you put out That makes it work. Yeah, for sure. The only thing a comedy class is good for is it actually gets people on stage. Getting you on stage is the first thing. One thing that I feel like I had an advantage when I started doing stand-up was I took speech classes in high school. And so I was very comfortable getting up in front of the class and just talking, just talking. There was no jokes back then. It was just, can you get in

front of the crowd? Can you convey a message? Can you talk about whatever? So I got very comfortable with people being quiet. A lot of times people don't, they freak out when the audience is quiet. And I like it when they're quiet because it means they're listening. They're listening to you. And at this point, if the crowd is quiet, they trust that whatever I'm going to do is going to work because they're paying attention. Yeah. So it's one of those, like, it took a long time for me to get used to that. Yeah, getting used to talking to people.

That's huge. Just getting used to being, like, the center of people. That's huge. Just getting used to being like the center of attention. That's huge. Having eyeballs. Because a lot of times, you know, it's like people say, oh, the scariest thing in the world, jumping out of an airplane or doing this or, you know, cliff diving. But, you know, most people cannot handle being in front of a crowd. Most people get uncomfortable. They're like, oh, you know, Whitney told me. Whitney Cummings told me that that originates from the ancient tribes that we used to live in when you were brought in front of the tribe to be judged. That's why they were all looking at you. Like when there's all these people looking at you, it's either there's some sort of a dilemma

that you have to warn people about or you're being judged. Both those things are riddled with anxiety. Yeah. Oh, totally. So we have like a natural instinct. Not like, oh, oh look all my friends what's up guys it's just like oh jesus everyone's looking at me holy shit yeah i used to i was teaching martial arts so i was used to people listening to me so i was used i did that i think

that helped me a lot because i had a lot of social anxiety when i was young like just talking to people but then when i had to learn how to teach people you know so i teach classes all the time so i would always have like groups of people that i was demonstrating things to so i got used to talking to people that way yeah then you get a you get a microphone and you hear your voice for the first time on a pa and you're like bizarre oh wow that's you know i remember like hearing myself i'm like that's what I sound like to people? You know, like, let me put some bass in there. Yeah. Also, you learn how to use the mic.

And then there's the dilemma. Do I keep it in the stand? Do I hold it? There's so many factors. Someone taught me about mic technique, you know, the way you hold it. Do you hold it tight, high up? You know, there's some comics that ride the mic really low or keep the mic really low. And there's some that choke them.

You know, I have it right, like the wrapping or something. Like the wrapping. Joey Diaz keeps it in the stand. And that works for him. That works great for him. Kevin does the same thing. Kevin Hart will keep it in the stand. And, you know, I've tried that.

It does not work for me. I need to be mobile with it. Yeah, I feel like I have too many hands. You know? I want that right there. I want to be able to switch hands. I want to move it around. And then I'm one of those that tell stories with their hands.

So I'm always, you know, I've got to be able to be mobile and move and just, you know, all right, here we go. It's crazy that you made it and then started getting into clubs in L.A. That is crazy. Yeah. So first time out on the road, I was doing a comedy club called Bart Reid's Comic Strip in El Paso, Texas. And I was there as an opener. And that was the first time I did a comedy club was Bart Reid's Comic Strip, El Paso. That's where I had to go.

And I'm from L.A. You know what I mean? Like I'd done a million bars and dives and little holes in the wall. That was the first real comedy club. The first actual comedy club. And then I remember I went on the road actually with Joe Diaz and with Marilyn Martinez and so I did a show with the two of them and getting a comedy course from Marilyn Martinez and Joey Diaz at the same time is something I will never forget because the two of them are so like they were just yin and

yang you know I remember how how awesome that friendship was and they were just so real and raw with me and I'm just sitting there and i'm this 21 year old kid i'm just like oh my god you know if you knew the two of them you'd know like wow that's that's a hell of a lesson that you yeah well that is a beautiful thing about people when they think you're funny that they will take you take you under their wing they will give you some advice and we'll talk to you about stuff. Both of them were super nice. Yeah, they're both super nice. Yeah, I miss Marilyn. She was always cool to have hanging around at the store.

She was hilarious. Oh, sit in the back and listen to Marilyn critique the comics. Like, oh, look at him. He thinks he's going to make it. Her and Joey together, too. What a one-two punch. Yeah. Yeah, like having relationships with those comics that

already gone through the gates and they can tell you what's going on like hey this i was right where you were at you can just keep going you're gonna be all right hang in there yeah keep doing sets you know and the the beauty of it back then which i think that you know is missing now is because social media is so strong you, everybody would rather just talk through the phone. Whereas back then, I felt like it was a lot more. I've met so many comics online that I haven't met face to face yet, which I think is crazy. Yeah. You know.

Well, we're a little scattered now. You know, it's like not like a home base anymore. You know, it used to be home bases were New York and L.A. Now L.A. is kind of like fucked. And Austin is more of a home base for a lot of comics than LA. And New York is different than it used to be. You know, a lot of guys kind of moved to different places during the pandemic. So it's weird. It's weird. It's like this, like, I guess the cellar is a great place to go and hang out with people. And

the store is still a great place if you know who's going to be there to hang out with people. But that's half the fun for me. I mean, I know it's like in the early days you were getting phone numbers and learning about gigs, but it's also you're hanging out with comics. You know, that is my favorite thing. Because you're all talking about comedy and you can't talk about comedy with people that don't get it. Exactly.

Trying to, you know, talk to my brother about it. He's like, oh yeah, it sounds cool. Like, you don't understand. And it's just like, ugh. Yeah. You have to talk to people who are actually doing it and and you know it's just they're just the most fun to talk to like when we have uh shows at the mothership and then afterwards we're hanging out in the green room we're just laughing just laughing and talking shit and slapping the couch and and having a good time and everyone's just getting on everybody and it's just it's fun it's really fun man it's a good time music's playing's just getting on everybody. And it's fun. It's really fun, man.

It's a good time. Music's playing. You know, it's like one of the coolest parties you could ever be a part of. And it happens like almost every night. And we're always laughing. Like, God damn, we're so lucky. Yeah, because we could be doing something

completely different. You do something that sucks. You've got to appreciate it. The beauty of just laughter and just being able to hang out and be real and just hang out. Yeah. Ugh.

Yeah. No, it's amazing. We're very fortunate we found it, you know? It's the one job where it's like normally when you're done, you punch out and you go home. But once you get off stage, like, okay, now just hang out and watch everybody else and get a drink. Hey, how come you don't have food at your club? Sorry, I just put that out there. Why how come you don't have food at your club? Sorry, I just put that out there. Why do I not want to have food at my club?

Because it's a distraction. Do you want to look down and see people eating while they're watching a show? They're there for a show. I get it. Yeah. I get it with you. I get it. I get what you're saying.

But, yeah, no. It gets in the way. It used to be no food at the store, and then they started adding food, and it was just like, I think it just gets in the way. I mean, I don't have a problem with clubs that do it. A lot of clubs have great food. The improvs always have great food. But I think it's a distraction, you know? And also, it brings roaches.

Okay. I didn't think about that. Yeah. If you have food laying around, one of the things that we found when we first looked at the club, the club was the Alamo Draft House before it was the comedy club. So we went in there and they had this huge kitchen that would make pizzas and shit in and there was fucking giant roaches everywhere. Like you were seeing these fat boys just running around, big, thick cigarette lighter looking motherfuckers running around like jesus christ those fly too there was a very brief time where we entertained the idea of having a

restaurant in the club too and then i was like no no fuck that and everybody that i talked to all the comics were like no no food no food it's just distraction when people have mouthfuls of food and they're barely paying attention it's just like it's weird. It's just, you know, eat before you go. Got it. Bring snacks. You can always get someone to go next door. There's a pizza place next door. There's a Mexican joint that's right next door to that.

There's all sorts of burger places on 6th Street. There's a lot of different food. There's food trucks. Just send one of your boys to go out and get something. You're good. I'll do it. I just had to ask. I hear you. Yeah, Comedy Magic Club has the best food.

Yes. Yes. That's like a real restaurant. It's legit. It is like gourmet. Yeah, their steak is like a great restaurant steak. Yeah, you could actually go there just to eat, and it would be like a great restaurant just to eat at.

Yeah, his place is wild too because all the memorabilia on the wall, like Robin Williams' outfit from Popeye's on the wall. Yeah, Lucio Ball's dress. Yeah, yeah. So he's got some really, really good ones. Yeah. Do you collect VW vans?

Explain. That's more like hoarding. I got a lot of Volkswagens. How many do you have? I don't want to sound like a douche, but I lost count. It's over 20. You have more than 20 Volkswagens? But why them?

A Volkswagen bus, a 1968 Volkswagen bus, was my first car. And for some reason, once I started talking to Jay Leno, you know, he showed me his collection and he started telling me about investing money and being able to enjoy your investment. And so I had gotten my ex-girlfriend her first car back and then his guys helped me get my first car back, which was a bus. And they said, well, if there's anything else you want, let me know. And I go, well, if you come across another one of these, let me know. They call me three days later, we got one. And I said, well, I'll take it. And that just kept going. And the reason why is it's just, it's such a cool, iconic car. You know, it's like, there's some guys that collect nothing but

Porsches. And with a bus, no one's looking at you like, oh my God, look at another Porsche. But with buses, it's a fun bus. It's a cool car. And I wanted to be known as the Volkswagen bus guy. Look at all your buses. That's so crazy. I started collecting them about 10 years ago. So do you buy them in this condition? No.

Do you have them refurbished? No. Well, in the beginning, I would try to buy them as, you know, in as good a condition as possible. But then, you know, I met some people that do some amazing work. There's a friend of mine named Henry Marcheno who does all the restorations and he will take, you know, a bus that's all rusted out and completely just in shambles. And he'll make a Picasso. He'll make a work of art. These buses are just, people come in and they see them. I mean, they light up.

They light up. So you've got some other cars in there, too, though. I do. What is that? Is that a 356? The one to the right? Oh, that's another VW. I can't see.

What else do you have there? Well, I no longer have the bugs. I only have one bug now but it's mostly buses mostly buses and one bug that's it so it's all volkswagens um well from what you see right there um i do have muscle cars i got a uh that's what i'm talking about okay let me see i have two 69 chevelles i have one that's a restomar and one that's all original um i have uh two camaras i have one that's a Rastamata and one that's all original. I have two Camaros. I have one that's a Rastamata 69 and another 69 that's all original.

So I got one in one. I got a 1964. Yeah, there it is. I have a 1964 Impala that's actually stock. So I didn't low rider it out because everybody thought I was going to do that. That's a beautiful year, that 69. 69 Chevelles are gorgeous. Look at that.

Is that the rest of them or is that the original? No, that's the original. It's got all the paperwork. I actually got that one at the Barrett Jackson car auction. Oh, there it goes. 396. That's the same one from John Wick. No, he has a 70.

I have a black Chevelle that I call Coc bear because man, that thing is just obnoxious. It is loud. It's powerful. It rattles the whole neighborhood. Here's it. That's 69 too? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's badass. So I mean, it's not that I'm just strictly Volkswagen, but that's how it started. And the beauty of it is I have people that are constantly sending me pictures. Hey, my friend is selling this. My friend is selling that. So what is that? That is a Camaro that they converted into a Firebird. I no longer have that one, but I do have a 1979 Trans Am. Oh, the real one. The real one. Yeah. This one's a, you know, there was a company, there's a company called Trans Am Depot in Florida

and they will take a Camaro and then they'll turn it into a Trans Am. And it has the Pontiac logo and everything, huh? Yeah. No, that's the one I still have right there. It's blue. It's beautiful. Oh, wow. Look at that pretty thing. Trans Ams are gorgeous.

It's long, too. The whole hood is really, really long. Does anybody ever make a Trans Am that is like a really solid driving car, though? Has anybody done like a wild resto mod with like a custom chassis i mean they must have i've never driven one or seen one uh and all the transams i've been in have always been manual no i mean uh stock i mean like whether or not they're you know they change the suspension manual transmission is the way to go with a car like that always but i mean it is anybody done like a way to go with a car like that always. But, I mean, has anybody done, like, a real restomod with a Trans Am?

They must have. You never see them, though. You see them more, like, kind of in stock form. Yeah. I mean, they try to keep it looking like it. You know, they want it to have that look. But, anyway, yeah, so I have a bunch of muscle cars, but people know me as the Volkswagen bus guy. What does it say there, Jamie, at the top?

Yeah, Trans Am gets a stunning restomod overhaul from Retro Designs. Okay, so this one they did. Yeah, there they go. They jazzed up the engine. That's pretty. Yeah. Still, it got skinny-ass tires. Take that photo of the back of it, the one that shows the back right there.

Yeah. Look how skinny-ass tires. Take that photo of the back of it, the one that shows the back right there. Yeah. Look how skinny those are. They're not that bad. A little bit better. Not that bad. But, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, on top of the Volkswagen, I do got the muscle car collection, which is nice.

Dude, there's nothing like muscle cars. There's something about those things. Like, whatever they were doing in that time period from the late 60s to the early 70s, whatever they do and they stop doing it. Yeah, it's very different. Yeah. And I have some friends that are purists when it comes to muscle cars, so they want to keep it stock, keep it the way that it was. I don't get those people. And then there's some that I'm like, you know, dude, there's nothing wrong with putting an air conditioner in a car.

There's nothing wrong with adding certain safety features. How about putting brakes that work? Thank you. What the fuck are you doing? Like all that numbers matching, I get it, but that's not for me. I get it that people want to collect them, numbers matching, but it's just for them. It's like they say to the other numbers matching guys and everybody's like, numbers matching. But yeah, there's more people that just want to enjoy the car, have fun with the car, and they could care less what the numbers.

You want to not be sucking gas fumes through the exhaust like how bad do some of those smell oh man yeah yeah yeah when you have a car that's it's over 40 years old yeah you get used to the smell of gas yeah they stink of gas and then you think at first it's leaking and no it's not that's just the way that the car smelled back then yeah you're breathing in fumes you're getting a headache you see you smell the oil you smell the gas but resto mods don't like resto mods like what i was showing you the uh the land cruiser when they use a modern crate engine they can just change it completely yeah so it looks original but it drives it handles like a modern car that's what i like i uh i just like the the there's the character of those cars that's undeniable. Like if they made one today like that, I would say I would want to buy one.

Like if they made a rest of it. They can't do it, which is kind of crazy. Because you could buy one from a company like Roadster Shop. They made me a 1969 Camaro. But you can't buy a 1969 Camaro from Chevy. Like if Chevy said, look, we're going to make a 1969 Camaro, it's not going to have any airbags, it's going to have disc brakes, but like, you know, six piston disc brakes, and we're going to do a modernized suspension, but it's going to be a 1969 Camaro.

But it's going to be a 1969 Camaro with a 2023 Camaro engine and all the electronics and all that jazz. People would buy it like crazy but you could never get away with it because regulations would wouldn't allow it yeah and then uh living in california all these men you know hard it is with the getting smogged yeah so all my cars are 1974 and below yeah just because i don't want to deal yeah that's good i don't want to deal. Yeah. That's good. I don't want to deal. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that funny?

Like as long as they're old, they can just pollute like crazy. Yeah. You know, I just think it's interesting that, you know, as time goes by, they don't move the, they don't move the needle. Like they still keep it at 1974. It's like, come on. Well, yeah, I think that's because it's almost impossible. Like if you want to get like a 1974 Porsche and you want to convert it to modern standards

of exhaust, I wonder what they would even have to do. It might ruin the car. Yeah, it's going to take away from the originality of it, but is it going to make it a better driver? Are you going to have more fun with it? Yeah, I don't think so. I know they do resto mods with those old Porsches, but

I think they just take everything out and put all modern shit in. But even then, I think they would have to, like, I know they do resto mods with those old Porsches, but I think they just take everything out and put all modern shit in. You know, they just kind of, but even then, I think it's still held to the same standard of a 1974 car. Like, as long as it's, you know, like the exact, you know, the VIN number and everything is from that age. Even that's, you're kind of lying. It's kind of not really a 1974 car. You know, it's really a 1974 car. It's really a 2023 car. If you had a 74 Porsche built by some madman who made you this wicked air-cooled engine. So you're driving around in a 1974 car that's got all brand new parts.

Yeah, but they're still going to hold you to the rules. Yeah. I did do a, with one of my Volkswagens, I actually did a, it's called a Subaru swap. So I took out the engine from the Volkswagen and I put in a Subaru turbo engine in it. Oh, Jesus. Because it fit perfectly. Oh, wow. And so now that car is like, it's fast.

It is super fast and it's quiet. I saw a video online. See if you can find this. It was a Ford, an old Ford Econoline van that they put a supercharged coyote engine in oh wow so is this those ones where your face is like right at the windshield you ever see those yeah it's like such a flat-faced weird thing but he's got this crazy fucking supercharged coyote mustang engine and it's just with the an econoline yeah some of these uh modifications they don't really you know they're not worried about the height or you know you got to put

everything else in there to match so that it can handle right they're doing it just for funsies nobody really needs an econoline no but it needs a supercharged fucking coyote engine in like i heard anywhere i heard a rumor that they were going to make a Hellcat minivan. And I'm like, you know what? I think I'm down. I think I'm down. No, this isn't. It's actually even older than that.

That's a 1971. But that one, someone did the same kind of thing, too. They made that one a sleeper. That's interesting. They kept that one kind of looking real stock on the outside. The other one was like a tan one. It was like a tan Econoline van, but it was a really old one. The real flat-faced front ones. I wasn't seeing anything.

No worries. I should have saved it. Someone sent it to me on Instagram, Solaris. Yeah. But I just always thought it was funny that you picked that one car, so I always wanted to know. What was it? It was just one of those things where I really liked it.

And I started making every single color that they came out with. And then I ran out of – I used the entire – Palette. Yeah. And so then we just started having fun creating our own color schemes. Oh, really? Oh, that's awesome. Do you drive them?

Yeah. You take them out? They all work. I try not to take them on the freeway. I mean, there's a couple that are like really, really good on the freeway, but most of the time I just rather keep them on the streets. And they've all broken down. They've all left me on the side of the road at one point in time. Because if you're not driving them every day, you're going to have issues with them. For sure. You know, so I got a team that's like, all right, I'm going for a drive. Be on standby.

I won't take them out at times when I don't have people that I can get a hold of. They're 50-plus-year-old cars, and they're stock. And when you're saying you have some that are good on the highway, most of them have, what, a four-cylinder in them? They're all four. They're all tiny. They have four bolts to put those engines in. Really? Yeah, it's like a big lawnmower.

So the one that does better, though, on the highway, is it just a stronger engine, just healthier? I think that because it's the one that gets driven more. My favorite one to drive is a 1968 that I have. It's called a Bay Window, and it's the generation that came after the split. So the buses had that little widow's peak in the two windows. That stopped at 1967, and the 1968 was the full-size windshield. And so a lot of the components, everything was more user-friendly. It was more comfortable.

The brakes were better. The suspension, you were able to, you know. Yeah. Like the windows are slide on a 67, whereas the other one, the windows go all the way down. They slide left and right? Yeah, slide left and right. So you can't hang your arm out. You can't do any of that.

But it's 1968 and above. Wow. And what is it, like 100 horsepower or something? If that. Wow. If that. I mean, most of them, I mean, they started off like, what, 20, about 25, 30, between 25 and 30 horsepower.

For a van. Yeah. How many bands tried to make their way across the country in those things? Oh man, you know what that, but I mean, that was the, that was the Sprinter van of its day. That's why people would turn those into camper vans or they'd get the band in there or they'd, you know, they'd gut the whole thing out. It was a panel van or they, you know, there were so many uses for those back then. Yeah. Did the Manson family have one of those? I wouldn't doubt it. It seemed like something they would have. I wouldn't doubt it. See if the Manson family have one of those? I wouldn't doubt it. It seemed like something they would have.

I wouldn't doubt it. See if the Manson family had a VW van. Someone actually tried to sell me Dr. Kevorkian's Volkswagen. Dude, they have that at the- I got the option to buy it. Really? Yeah, they tried to sell me the van, the yellow, that bus that's now at the museum in Las Vegas. So they reached out to me because they knew.

And so anytime something volkswagen bus related pops up that's crazy so uh the so you had a chance to buy it before the museum yeah but i'm like i can't like oh it felt so eerie it belongs in the museum and even though it's like okay it's a good talking to hey guess what i have over here i got the death machine fuck that that's just crazy so, you could see it at the, I think it's called the Museum of Death, I think. I almost bought David Koresh's 1968 Mustang. Oh, wow.

Yeah, it was for sale online, and they were advertising it was David Koresh's Mustang, and apparently it had Providence, so they could prove it. And I was like, my finger was hovering over my phone. I was like, do I? Because I really want one of those. I really wanted a 69, but it would be like 68.

But did you want his? Yeah. Part of me was like, yes, but the other part of me was like, what if I'm opening up doors that I could never close? What if he truly was evil? The Branch Davidian staff car? Made his way into the car. Like Christine. Remember that movie?

Oh, my God. Christine. I love that movie. Fuck yeah. That was it. That was his car. Waco cult leader. That was the car. I love that movie. Fuck yeah. That was it. That was his car. Waco cult leader. That was the car.

I mean, come on, son. That looks strong. That is beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. 1968. And if I was going to just drive it stock like that, I mean, just fuck around, take it to the store.

But I thought about it and I was like, I don't think, I don't want that fucking bad karma. And you can find a car like that. Yeah. Yeah. I have one that looks like that, but I can find a car like that. Yeah. Yeah. I have one that looks like that, but I got the white stripe on it. It's beautiful. It's a fun car. Oh, man.

Yeah. It's a fun car. Yeah. They're amazing cars. Those and the Restomods and those are particularly good because they're well balanced. You know, it's like it's good shape, good size car for that kind of application. I have a 69 that Roadster Shop built me. I fucking love it.

I saw it online. It looks cool. Oh, I fucking love it. It looks really, really cool. It's so fun. It's so fun. I had done as much as I could to modify the car to make it safe. So, like, for example, I put LEDs.

I took out the old stuff and I put LEDs so that it's bright. Changed the cluster inside to make sure that it was all digital and bright so that I could see it. And I had people getting upset with me over it. I'm like, come on, man. I'm like, I just want to enjoy the car. Oh, because you were changing the original stuff? Let me just enjoy the car. You got to stop talking to those fools.

Those people are idiots. Let's leave it alone. Yeah. Come on, bro. Everyone's going to die. Everyone. And then someone else is going to enjoy it gonna enjoy just enjoy it don't try to like there's plenty of them that are out there that are stock it's not like we're running out of them you know i gotta tell you i bought something really cool last week and uh i got a chance to play with it yesterday i bought a 1994 Ford Mustang Cobra.

The difference between that and anything else out there is that it only had 12 miles on it. Oh, wow. And it's, yeah. So it was a dealer car. It was covered in plastic. It still had the sticker in the window. It still had all the different, you know, the barcodes and just everything on it. So I had to rip the plastic off the seats

Whoa, and that for me was the coolest thing. It's just like 1994 1994 and so the guy who bought it I guess was a collector of Mustangs and he just bought it and let it sit And it just he kept it in a temperature-controlled room and I guess something happened where you know it became available and i jumped on it and i'm like because 1994 is the year i graduated high school and that's the car i wanted and so i think it's cool that i'm able to buy a brand new old car that's crazy how many of those are out there yeah that's you know i got i got lucky i found it online and i just jumped i'm like it's it's mine it's funny how cars like um not just muscle cars because muscle cars are fast but cars like a volkswagen they're fun to drive even if they're slow it's like so

much more engaging than a regular car it's like you're on a little ride like you're in a go-kart it's exactly what it is and then you're sitting high it's a different experience you know it's like now you can get an suv and of course you up there. But to be that high up and then you're literally your face is the windshields right here. Yeah. No safety. You hit anything and you're just bye. And you feel everything. You feel every bump and twist of the road.

You got the wheel and you're sitting over the wheel. So it's just. Yeah. Suspension sucks. Everything. Can't go around a corner. It's terrible. I actually got up on two wheels one time by accident, and I'm lucky I didn't die.

I was getting on the freeway, and I just cut the corner too hard, and I felt it, man. And then you just, boom, came back down. It's really interesting because a car does not have to be fast to be engaging. You know, that's what I think gets lost with a lot of these paddle shifter cars, these new cars. Everybody's just trying to go 0 to 60 faster and get on the round the Nurburgring faster, but That's not really what makes a car fun like you don't really drive like that in real life You'd like you'd rather have a car. That's more fun slower Because like some cars like my Tesla if I'm going to you don't even notice you're going 80 miles an hour. It just goes whoosh, and all of a sudden you're going 80.

But if I'm going 80 in like an old Porsche, you feel everything. You feel it. You feel it. It's like exciting. Everything is like alive. I have an old 1993 RS America. So it's got no power steering, no air conditioning, no radio, no nothing. Air-cooled, super light, tiny little car.

And it only has like 300 horsepower. But it's like one of my favorite cars to drive. But you feel everything in that car. It's a ride. Everything. You are part of the car. It's a Disneyland ride. You are part of that car.

I mean, it's slow as shit compared to my Tesla. But if you're doing 80 in that versus 80 in the Tesla, you feel like, wow, I'm going 100 miles an hour. You feel alive. You feel like you're on a motorcycle or something. It's crazy. It's like... And it's also the way they handle. You feel the tires break.

You have a connection to the tires. When you hit the limit, you feel it kick out. You know where that limit is. It's almost like your shoes. You know when you're sliding? You know what I'm saying? You know how to stop yourself sliding? You're waiting to see the smoke.

Any second now, something's going to snap and you're going to have to pull over. Well, those cars too, the engine's in the back. And so the ass end kicks out around corners. And if you're going around a corner and you let going to have to pull over. Well, those cars too, the engine's in the back and so the ass end kicks out around corners. And if you're going around a corner and you let off the gas... You have fishtail. Yeah, especially those old turbos, those old wild ones that people got.

Those things, they called them widow makers. Giant ass engine in the back, skids out real easy. Go around a corner, let off the gas, you spin around a circle and crash. Good luck. Yeah. You have to teach people to keep their foot on the gas when they're going around a corner. That's crazy. Most people.

Fortunately, I don't have the need for speed as much. If I have a nice little straightaway, I'll get it on the 405 if there's an opportunity all my driving i do or um after midnight oh you like to get i i get out of the house at night and i like taking my drives between midnight and three in the morning because there's nobody out there just enjoy driving and i can just drive yeah you know so i'll do i'll do a lap so i'll take like the 605 to the 210 to you 134, and I'll just go through LA. Do you know who Magnus Walker is? Another name?

Magnus Walker is this Porsche expert. He rebuilds old Porsches, makes them amazing. But he has these videos about Porsches that are like a love letter to Porsche. So he takes these old Porsches and drives them on the highway. And he's a cool-looking dude. He's got crazy dreadlocks and fucking wears funky clothes and shit. I think he made his money in the clothing business. Pretty sure. And so he has this warehouse in downtown LA where he keeps all these Porsches. And he's got a video where

he gets out and drives them. So that's like- He looks like a Magnus. Yeah, that's Magnus. Magnus. He's got a cool English accent. But see if you can find one of the videos of him. Because there's a video of him, I think it's called 9-11 Outlaw.

There was like, there was a video called 9-11 Outlaw, I think. It was like one of the oldest videos where it just sort of it like Urban Outlaw, that's it so this was like the video where i found out about this a long ass time ago but this dude makes all these cars give me some volume

so this is a real old car this is probably like a 68 or 69 or something like that and he's got you know like just sort of a juiced up stock engine, but it's all air cooled. Everything is super, super lightweight. Like that car pulling weighs 2,000 pounds. And when, you know, he's got like the little air ducts he's put into the side. A lot of the stuff that he's done in the car is very custom. But listen to that so then he takes these out downtown l.a and it's when you watch him do it it's very

addicting like here give me it's just such red and blue i even wrote a letter to the porsche factory at the age of go go earlier when you see him actually going fast in these things Red and blue stripes. I even wrote a letter to the Porsche factory. Go earlier when you see him actually going fast in these things. No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. So this is it. Like, that is a beautiful little car.

And it's not fast. Not compared to modern standards. But the pleasure you get out of driving one of those things. It's like everything is analog. You feel every bump. It's like it's all just giving you feedback. It's exciting. And you see how there's no traffic and he's enjoying it. It's a nighttime drive and he can actually, you know,

give a gas if he wants to or chill. This is before the pandemic, though. Now it's a goddamn zombie movie. I'm not going to lie. I kind of enjoyed the drives during that. I think that's what got me out of the house. Oh, during the middle of the pandemic. Yeah.

I'm just like, wow. Yeah. I just mean in downtown LA. Downtown LA is fucked. It's fucked. So I don't even know if he's still there anymore. This is quite a while ago. I would have fucked him.

Yeah, you did. Yeah, but I mean. I would have fucking... Yeah, you did. Yeah, but I mean, I would have if I was in downtown LA. I really would have. Like, that place is crazy. Dude, I remember filming Fear Factor in downtown LA in like 2003 or something like that. It was crazy back then.

I was like, this is wild. There's so many homeless people down there. It is insane. The amount of... of i mean tent cities everywhere you look insane everywhere you look and it's just like what the hell yeah so much it's like it's and what kills me is some some of these tents have like electricity like they got generators and tvs i'm like whoa they're homeless or are you camping? Poles and shit. They're opening up poles and pulling wires out and diverting power.

Some of these guys are like homeless electricians. Yeah, no, it's like, okay. I feel like they're making that choice. Well, there's probably, as fucked up as it is, some kind of community to being a part of this struggle with all these other people that are sleeping on the streets you know and then there's open air drug use and it's tolerated and you know and then there's places where you can go especially in skid row and you can get some help you can get food it's fucked because it doesn't seem like it's getting any better at all they move them places they shift them out of certain spots when it becomes inconvenient and then they sort of drift back in eventually. And then the other places, they get bigger and bigger.

The places where they neglect it, they just keep getting bigger. That's all I'm seeing is they're getting kicked out and then they're finding, you know. Yeah. Like, oh, that community is now over here. It's crazy that this was never an issue when we were kids. It was never an issue. Like, when do you remember when you were a kid? Ever seen tents? Never.

Never. And it's like, we're just supposed to accept that there's nothing that can be done. What are you going to do? Now there's tents. Now, what did you do? What the fuck did you neglect that you let these people camp out on streets? Why would you let that happen? Ever.

You know? And is it encouraging them if you do let them do that? I mean, I don't know. But I know there's a lot of them and you're letting them do it. It seems like there's more all the time and you're letting them do it. And there used to be none. There used to be no tents anywhere. So tell me what the fuck you're doing. Well, we have a very comprehensive homeless outreach program that doesn't do jack shit.

You know, we ran a list. My friend Coleon Noir is a lawyer, and he was in San Francisco talking to them about it. And he was like, what is the problem here? Is it a lack of funding? And this guy was talking, he goes, no, no, the opposite. The people that are on these homeless commissions, they're making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. So he shows this list to us of all the people in LA that are making money, that are supposed to be managing the homeless

problem. Some of them are making a quarter million dollars a year. And they're out there, well, we're doing our best to outreach and get them safe crack pipes. It's madness. People have no concept, no understanding of the situation. Well, not only that, they have no incentive. The people that are running it, if the homeless problem goes away, they don't have a job anymore. So what are they going to do? They're going to make sure it's manageable. And while we need more funding, we're very close to cracking this problem, we're going to need more funding.

And they just keep getting more funding. And it has to be addressed like an environmental problem. Like if there was a leak, an oil leak in the middle of the street and all those places where the tents were, there was just giant puddles of oil that were coming out of the ground. They would have to deal with that. They would go, we have an environmental issue. It's real. It's getting into the water supply. It's poisoning.

We can fix it, but it's going to take a lot of resources and time, but we're going to do it. Yeah. You've got to. Because you have to. You have an environmental problem. It's just humans. And you've got to figure it out through a compassionate solution. You've got to do it with a sense of community. But you can't just let people

fucking camp everywhere. Crazy assholes. It's not going to get better. What are you going to bury your head in the sand until you're the president? What are you going to do? Are you going to just escape from LA after leaving the whole state of California fucking disaster Move to the White House. Is that the move is that how it works?

Because no one's fixing it. They're not fixing it in New York. New York is fucking crazy another another mess crazy San Francisco is the worst San Francisco is like a failed state San Francisco might as well be Libya that place is wild Yeah, people in the streets crime is next level in San Francisco. It well be Libya. That place is wild. Yeah. People are just shitting in the streets. The crime is next level in San Francisco. It is stupid. Next level. Next level. It is stupid.

People are parking their cars and leaving their windows rolled down and their hatches open. Yeah. Because they don't want to get smashed. Fuck, man. It doesn't matter what time of day. It doesn't matter who's around. It doesn't matter who's around.

No one's stopping anybody from doing anything. It's crazy. It's crazy how quick San Francisco fucked. Because everyone's pulling out of there. Hotels are pulling out. Like supermarkets or chains like Walgreens pulling out. They're like, what the fuck? It's becoming a ghost town and they're not pumping the brakes on it.

I don't know what they do now at this point. What do they do? They don't have the resources to fix it now. Because they fucked it up so bad for so long and they would have to admit that all of their policies sucked. And nobody's going to do that. Nobody's going to do that.

Nobody's going to do that. We're going to do Fluffy. You going to make your way to Texas? Hey, man. Let's go. You know how many times I've been- Let's go, Fluffy. Let's go.

We're going to wine you and dine you this weekend. You know how many times I've come close to moving out here? How many times? Oh, man. I've been talking about San Antonio for at least 10 years. San Antonio is dope. At least 10 years. Yeah, it's right up the street.

I got a good real estate agent. I actually already own a house in San Antonio. Do you? Yeah. No shit. Yeah, I bought it a long time ago. Oh. But it's just, I feel like I'm going to get homesick and I feel like ah

yeah fly back home when you want to you keep whenever you feel bad fly back home and go what the fuck is wrong with me and after a while

San Antonio will be your new home and there's that nice club out there too was it LOL yeah they got LOL yeah what's the other one

not Cap City that was here the River Center the River Center Comedy Club they reop not Cap City that was here the River Center the River Center Comedy Club they reopened Cap City but not really it's

the Helium guys opened it and it's in the domain out here oh it's not in the same place that it was no no no that place is

that place is I don't know what's going on with that place the guy who owns that place just got in trouble some sort of federal shit.

Bribery shit. Yeah. Always something. Yeah. I was looking at buying it a few years ago, but there was a lot of problems. And they wanted way too much money for it. And then I found this cult theater. The theater was owned by the cult.

And I had got out of that deal once there was problems with that place, too. And then we got this place. I'm excited to show it to you tonight. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. I'm excited. But, yeah, to answer your question, I've come close. I've come close to coming to Texas a few times. I've actually thought about Texas and Florida.

Yeah? I know. Some people are like, what, really? Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah. When shit gets weird, you start wondering.

Like, you know, it's got to be somewhere else. You find yourself shaking your head and you're like, wow, what the hell are we doing? What the hell are we doing? You know, it's like I'm paying for this. Like, what am I? Also, there's the psychological aspect of it. That was what was driving me crazy. People that I knew were morons, like the mayor of L.A., the psychological aspect of having that guy having any control over

what I do with my time what I do with a living for a living what what I can and can't do what I'm allowed to do and not allowed to do based on whatever guidelines he's presenting bro you can eat shit that guy's a moron and I don't like taking instruction from people that I know are bought and paid morons. And that was just so frustrating because before that, you never had to deal with the mayors. You never thought about the mayor. What was the mayor going to do that's going to affect your life? You would vote for the people that you thought had the best policies and support the school systems and whatever you hoped that they would do.

But you never thought they would keep you from working. No. Who the fuck saw that coming? And keep you from even doing outdoor shows and even outdoor dining? These people were maniacs. And they were in charge of telling everybody what to do. And I was like, this is not good. And there's too many people in this town that think there's something good about being compliant.

There's something good about we're doing it for everyone else. Like, are you fucking sure? Are you sure these morons know what they're doing? Are you sure? More businesses have, you know, went under. Oh, God. If you were lucky enough to recover or just weather the storm, that's one thing, but most people didn't.

Yeah, and not only that, those businesses, I bet all those people got COVID anyway. Everybody got COVID anyway, I bet. And I bet if those people got COVID anyway. Everybody got COVID anyway, I bet. And I bet if those people got COVID and recovered, they would have been safe to run their fucking store. Like they just took the decision out of people's hands. And it's been proven that it was a disaster. It was a disaster for the economy.

It was a disaster for mental health. It was a disaster for people's careers. It was a disaster for people's long-term businesses that they had to close. Family businesses. They had restaurants for 30 years. Local neighborhood places that everybody went to. Sorry, you can't work for a year and a half. They just bled people out.

And meanwhile, these big giant stores, they just made more and more money because they're the only places you can go. And they told people their job was essential or non-essential like who the fuck are you yeah guess what's non-essential you you you fucking halfwit telling people what they can and can't do based on what not even no debating the science of it no real conversations with experts that are disagreeing opinions it was gross man i was happy to get out of there and then we wonder why there's so many tent cities you know that gavin newsom guy's running for president he's already started campaigning he's already started campaigning without campaigning he just did sean hannity and he's ringing up californ, talking about how great California is. Every day I think about leaving.

But it's still home. I tell people, you know, when they say, well, you still, yeah. I love my, I love, it's home. That's what it is. And that's the hard part. Even though I'm a traveling comic, you know. Yeah, I know. I say, yeah, it's like. Coming every now and then with a fully armored Almada and just lock everything down.

And I got my little sanctuary that I've worked on for so many years to make my little spot. Exactly how you like it. And then it's like, ugh. But then I see that at the end of the year when I'm getting taxed and I'm like, ugh. The tax alone would pay for everything in texas those tax people are so silly they want so much money i wish it was going somewhere i wish it was going something really good like if the if the taxes were uh very high but then you looked at the quality of life that you get from it and you're like wow they do an amazing job with all this tax money now they do a terrible job it's fucking over one with bureaucracy and too many people and nothing gets fixed and nothing gets done it's like blah yeah i still see the potholes i hit them yeah

that's a minor that's minor the homelessness is the biggest one like that is bonkers that you you think you are doing your job if you if you are governing a city that has 100,000 homeless people or whatever it is. What did we say it is, 65? They guess. They're guessing. They're guessing. They ain't doing a fucking survey.

No, you're here all the time. What is it like here? It's nothing. There's homeless people. There's homeless people in every city, but there's way less. And they cleaned up all the tents around the city. Every now and then they pop up under the bridge, but they clean them up, and then they come back, and then they clean them up, and they come back. But at least they clean them up.

At least they don't allow them to accumulate and become like a village like San Francisco. Whereas San Francisco is essentially they have these open-air drug dens. Michael Schellenberger wrote a great book about it called San Francisco. And he talks about how these progressive policies are just destroying these cities. It's like you have to make a correction, and they're not making a correction. So what are you going to do? I wish I had the answer for that, yeah. When you go on the road, do you go on the road for just weekends,

or do you do, like, long stretches? I guess it depends on if it's a big tour. Like right now, I'm just doing nothing but clubs. You know, after the Dodger Stadium show, my agent and my manager wanted me to ride the wave of the success of the special and go back and tour hard. And I'm like, no, I want to just pump the brakes for a little bit. I want to remind myself why I love this so much. So I said, I just want to do nothing but clubs

for at least half a year. And so just doing shows, you know, I'll still do, you know, my four sets a week because I was doing, you know, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, but now I'm just doing it at one place and then doing two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, you know. So get my sets in and go home.

And yeah, I'm not making the same money but the peace of mind is incredible you know i'm not stressing about money i'm not stressing about paying for these tour buses or paying for the rigs or paying for the production uh you know what's going on at the end of the night at the arena what's i mean there's so much that goes into it and to be able to just walk into a club and focus on let me just be funny and have fun. Yeah. You know, so. It's a great way to write a new hour, too. Yeah. You know, and I love the fact that when I'm doing these clubs, everybody's a lot more excited.

First of all, the staff is incredible. No matter where I'm going, everybody's been super great, and the crowds have been super appreciative that they can watch an intimate show like that. Because even if you're sitting in the back row of the club, you know, arena that's like row three right you know what i mean and so it's you know it's it's been a lot of fun and i've enjoyed it and it reminded me how much um i love this because i think at a certain point um i became a hoe i became a hoe and it became more about the money because dude once the money started coming it's like you get scared because it's so much and it's coming at you from all these different angles and you're having these meetings and you're they're going over your portfolio and you gotta invest this and we gotta do that and

blah blah blah and you're like oh my god and now you you know i have employees i never had employees and now i employ like 30 people which is insane insane. And if I stop working, they all stop working. So then it turns into this thing where you feel almost like you're obligated to work even more to take care of everybody else. That's Bert Kreischer. Oh, yeah. So when I told my team I want to do clubs for half a year, they were not happy about it. And they're like, you're missing out. You really, you got to strike while the iron's hot.

No, they're missing out. They're missing out. They're not, you know, they see one thing, and as creatives, it's very different. Yeah, but they have to like not give you creative advice. That's very important for non-creative people. But that's not creative advice. It's financial.

Right, but creative for you is i need to fill my creative void i want to go out there and fuck around yeah i want to have a good time that's the creative aspect of when you're doing a show you got a show there's 15 000 people in there it's a show it's a different kind of thing you're not gonna like really write in front of 15 000 people you write and fuck around in front of a small crowd. Like, it's a creative choice. And they're wrong anyway. Like, you ain't getting off that wave, son. You don't have to worry about that wave. Ride in the wave.

You'll be on that wave for the rest of your life. You don't have to worry about that wave. Thank you. Yeah, you don't have to worry about that wave at all. They can relax. You can take a year off and get off fucking Instagram and Twitter and just vanish for a year and come back and crush it. It doesn't't matter you can do whatever the fuck you want that was the

one thing about covid is it is i i had never taken a break that long from comedy ever it's amazing how much energy you have when you have to work every night yeah it's very you can actually get on the schedule like you know for me i've always dealt with the weight issue it's always been a thing for me but um being home for a year and actually being able to focus and i had a trainer and everything i was able to lose 70 pounds nice see uh all the doctors that i've been avoiding because i've been on the road i've actually got to go see everybody and find out how i was doing yeah so i felt like it was it was helpful i never take time off, ever. I work all the time.

I'm on the road 46 weeks out of the year. Well, you always have been. That's always been your reputation. That's why we were always talking about the, even at the Ice House shows. Crazy. Guys doing four shows. The 2 p.m. kids show, yeah. Ridiculous.

Nobody does that. Nobody has four shows in a day. That's insane. And I used to do the shows, and then as soon as I'd get off stage, I'd go outside and do a full-blown meet and greet. Oh, wow. So I would meet every single, like, do the show, do a meet and greet. And then by the time the meet and greet was over, it was time for me to go back up on stage. Oh, my God.

And so I was doing that, you know. Wow. I was doing that every week forever. But I think that's also what helped to build everything up. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. You're engaging with people. Yeah, real grassroots.

You were like really getting out there and hanging out. We used to always do that at the Ice House, have those meet and greets afterwards. Hang out, talk to people. That's a great club. That setup back there is amazing. Just that little. Have you been there recently? No, I haven't.

I haven't been when it's remodeled. I heard. The buses did an amazing job with it. It's very modern. Part of it is like they killed certain things that kind of made it the club club. Oh, yeah? Where now it feels a little bit more. It's too clean.

It's too clean. I don't know why they would fuck with it. It was literally perfect. There's a skybox in the back of the room. Literally a skybox in the back of the room. And if it's the room for the comics to chill in, it's badass. It's the greatest green room ever. But it's now considered a VIP room in the back.

And there's like a glass. So it's a place where people can just talk while you're on stage. Talk or just, you know. That's what it looks like? Back there. Oh, that's weird. So the room still feels good. Well, I remember that room.

So they just basically opened that room up. Because it used to be that room was closed off. Yeah. Right? So it's not So the room still feels good. Well, I remember that room. So they just basically opened that room up because it used to be that room was closed off. Yeah. Right? So it's not like the room's any smaller. No, no, no, no. The room is the same size. It still looks good. You know, it's still fun.

It's still fun to perform in there. It's just very different. And as somebody that spent years going there to all of a sudden see, you know, you enter through the front, through the street, whereas before you'd enter through the alley. Oh, interesting. You know? And then the bar. I, whereas before you'd enter through the alley. Oh, interesting. I mean, everything just looks really, really nice. They changed it. But I feel like if you're the oldest club in the country, man, you've got to look a little bit more classic. Yeah, old school.

A lot of the changes, I'm like, ugh. Yeah, a skybox is a weird choice, but whatever. Maybe it works. Like I said, that was just a closed off room before. You know? Remember? You wouldn't even be able to see the stage. It was like mirrors back there.

No. Yeah, it's the little wall. And then the room behind it was like a dining. What did they do with the little room? They had that little room? So the little room, they actually made the little room bigger. And they're making it so that they can have jazz and live music. It actually looks really cool. But again, it's not the old Ice House.

Right. It's not the old Ice House. Nostalgia. Nostalgia. There's no more nostalgia. Everything's new, clean, and just pretty. Well, listen, I'm just happy that someone dumped a bunch of money into it. Fixed it and finally reopened it.

And wants good comedy there. Are they doing headliners on the weekend? How are they doing it? Are theyened it and wants good comedy there you know are they doing like headliners on the weekend how are they doing it are they doing it like uh well i don't think it's i don't think it's set up as a like a showcase like like melrose or any other clubs and stuff it's definitely headliners on the weekend yeah there's when you're talking about like outside of la there's pasadena there's comedy magic there's a few other there's's always like Irvine, but then you're far out. Now you're going pretty far, you know. And those clubs are definitely headliners only.

There's not, there are no showcasing and stuff like that. There's no like real comedy comedy clubs or showcase clubs outside of the city, right? Not really. Once you get past like the ha-ha, you know, what else you got? You know, I mean. Flappers. I was at Flapper's a couple weeks ago. That was fun. Again, these rooms, and it's just like, wow. Yeah.

It was so much fun. Just went out there and had a good time. Yeah, Flapper's is a great room, but it's a weird room. Like, whenever I would go there, I'm like, who are you guys? Like, I don't know any of you. And now it's just one owner. It's Barbara. Oh, I mean the comics. Oh, okay, okay. I'm sorry. A lot of the comics. Like, where else do you guys like I don't know any of you and now it's just one owner it's Barbara oh I mean the comics oh okay okay I'm sorry the comics like where else you guys work like I never see you anywhere it's weird there was like a specific

group that was always at flappers I was like this is a strange little group of people you know people find their little clicks yeah I was gonna say it's like back in the day you knew everybody you know who was doing it you and you knew where they were at yeah and now it's like i open my i blink there's 10 more comics it's like wow there's so many blame podcasts ah nice that's what it is so many people listen to podcasts like damn i want to do that sounds like fun you think you think of it like also you hear the people on the podcast like these guys are kind of stupid i think i could do it better than them it It's always, I think I can do better than them. Yeah. Always. You know, part of it's making it look easy and then they're like,

oh, I can do that. Yeah. Well, the problem is like, think about what you do. You go up there and you talk. Well, everybody can talk. Like it's confusing. So like a person in the audience, like I could talk to, how come he gets to talk and I don't get to talk. Like you start thinking that you could do what they do. That's why it's hilarious when you see someone try to go on stage and talk to an audience that's drunk. Like you think you can go up here and do it? And they go, yeah. And they get up there and they're like freeze like a deer in the headlights.

And then they realize like how weird it is. Yeah. But when someone like you is relaxed and on stage, it seems like he's just talking. I can just talk too. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's easier than it looks. Yeah. I mean I

feel fortunate that when I'm on stage I actually feel more comfortable on stage like I feel like there's nothing I can't do when I'm up there well you're heightened right yeah cuz also you've been doing it so long you're super confident you're gonna kill so you get up there it's like it's it's an extra superpower yeah for some reason like if you. And then having the eyes, too. So it's like if, for example, one-on-one, it's like, hey, can you do 20 push-ups? Probably not. But put me in front of a crowd and put that pressure on me.

Right. For some reason, I'm going to find a way to do it. I'm going to find a way to – I'm a big dude, so it's like I'm not very agile. But on stage, for some reason, I'm a big dude. So it's like, you know, I'm not very agile, but on stage for some reason I can run on stage, you know? Yeah. Adrenaline. It's, I, there's, I feel like there's nothing I can't do when I'm up there. But then as soon as I get off the stage, I go back to, you know, deflate. You said you, uh, you lost a lot of weight. What did you do in terms of your diet? Uh, you know what? I was very consistent. I was able to eat, you know, and have a plan. Like, you know, I'd have breakfast.

I'd have lunch. I'd have dinner. Whereas before, God, I was always on the road. So it's like I never wanted to eat before I went up on stage because then it would mess with, like, I'd get heartburn. And you don't want to be burping or farting in front of a crowd. So I wait until the end. And then by the time the show's over, what's available to eat?

Terrible food. Terrible food. And you're starving you're starving yes you can't wait to eat yeah and then go to sleep and then it was just that cycle repeat and i just you know over the years man it got good to me so i gained all that weight so being home for a year um you know i was having an actual regular clean breakfast of you know nothing crazy from the road it was all food that was store-bought and preparing my own food you can get like a meal prep company that will make meals for you that are like i've done those yeah i've done those and how that work i was into it for a couple weeks but then it's like oh man i'm tired of fucking broccoli tired of this shit yeah what helped out a lot too was that you know know, every day I was walking a lot. You know, I was lifting weights three times a week.

Oh, that's great. And then again, going to see my doctors, getting on certain plans. Like, you know, I wear a monitor now for my sugar. You know, so I'm able to keep tabs on my sugar, whereas before it was out of control. You know, I was averaging waking up at 400, which is like, you might as well go to the hospital. Normal, you want to be somewhere between 80 and 120, at least for me. And so, yeah, I was riding the, what they say, the check engine light on for too long.

That's scary. And so, you know, and then I got high blood pressure. And of course, you know, you don't know it until they tell you or until you, you know, check yourself. So then getting on medication for that, getting on medication for diabetes and, you know, now I'm sounding like Joe Deas. Hey, you got to cocksucker. You got to get the diabetes. You got to get this and that. But getting my health in order with the doctor and with the food and with the working out whereas i wasn't able to do that on the road

or i would make a lot more excuses because i didn't you know well also you want to have energy for those shows and sometimes when you work out really hard after it's over you're so tired and when you're really tired it's hard to like fire back up to get ready for the shows especially if it's a new thing you're doing you know if your body's adapted to it you can do it pretty easy but if your body's not adapted to it like a hard workout it's like new thing you're doing. If your body's adapted to it, you can do it pretty easy. But if your body's not adapted to it, like a hard workout, it's like, what the fuck is this? And all my energy goes into the show. So when I'm up there, I'm hitting it, hitting it, hitting it.

I'm not sluggish. I'm not standing still. I'm up there, man. I'm performing. You're moving. But then when I get off, I'm like. The thing is, if you did get healthy and you did get in shape, it would really genuinely help your ability to maintain that.

Because, I mean, just imagine if you said you lost 70 pounds. Imagine if you had to do your show right now with a 70-pound vest on. Oh, God. Yeah, I know. Yeah, it sucks. And that's the reality of weight. That's the reality of gravity. My knees, my hips.

Yeah, everything. Everything. Breathing everything. Everything. Breathing harder. Yeah. I do workouts with a 25-pound vest on and just a 25-pound vest on, just 25 pounds. It's not even that much. Like if you pick up 25 pounds, it doesn't seem like much. That 25-pound vest makes a giant difference.

Do everything with that vest on and everything's way harder. Farmers, carries, chin-ups, push-ups, dips, bodyweight squats. Everything's harder with just 25 pounds. People gain and lose 25 pounds like it's nothing. But when you're walking around with that 25 pounds on, that is just, you're carrying that, man. That's a lot of burden on your resources, your biological resources, your tissue, your bones, your joints, your hip, your back.

You just fatigue. And then maybe the writing that you do. Maybe your writing would be sharper. Maybe you'd have more that you were thinking about if you had more pumping through your body. Oh, believe me, I agree 100% with everything that you're saying. It's not even an issue of not knowing or not understanding or not seeing the bigger picture. Got to get you on Adderall and Ozempic. Nice.

Let's go. I just got on Ozempic. Did you? Oh, yeah. Does it work? I want to hear something funny. I got approached by Ozempic early on before they had the fucking song. Oh, boy.

What's the song? I didn't even know they had a song. Oh, oh, oh, Ozempic. It's based on that old song, yeah. Oh, it's magic's the song? I didn't even know they had a song. Oh, oh, oh, Ozempic. Oh, Christ. It's based on that old song, yeah. Oh, it's magic, that song? Yeah. And so they approached me and they wanted me to be their spokesperson for Ozempic.

Yeah. And, you know, we took a meeting and everything. And, I mean, you know, I appreciated the fact that they actually approached a diabetic to be the spokesperson. A diabetes medicine. Yeah. I'm going to be the spokesperson. A diabetes medicine. Yeah. I'm going to be the new Wilford Brimley. So the deal didn't work out. But you're still doing it.

So you're on it. What's funny is I wasn't on it when I took the meeting. It wasn't, like I said, when 2020 hit and I went to go see my doctor, he goes, I'm going to put you on this thing called Ozempic. I'm like, are you freaking kidding me? I'm like, I could have been getting that shit for free. But yeah, so it's once I give myself the shot once a week. Some people use it to lose weight.

You know, like people that aren't necessarily really big will use that to suppress their appetite and stuff like that. Because it will make you a little nauseous. Like in the mornings I wake up and I'm like, oh, I got to drink like a shake or something. So you only do it once a week. When people are on it for weight loss, do they do it like every day? Like how often do they do it?

I don't know what the cycle is for using Ozempic for weight loss, but I just know that when I first did it, I dropped 15 pounds like in, God, like a week. Wow. Yeah. So your body will react to it immediately, but then, of course, you plateau and stuff like that. They say that it limits your appetite. That's one of the big effects of it.

Yeah. Is that what you found? Yeah. I was waking up queasy. And so you feel a little nauseous. You're not really trying to. It's crazy because it's everywhere. You see all these ads for it.

And even Tony Hinchcliffe brought this up. CNN had a thing on it that it seems like a story but it kind of is an ad you know it's kind of an ad for ozempic but it seems like it's a story about hollywood celebrities but really just jazzing up the fact that everybody's taking ozempic like it seems like there's something more going on there other than just just ozempic yeah yeah like you're you probably got paid to do that story, you know? Because I'm telling you, I take it every week. And that initial first hit of the weight loss, yeah, it's true. Yeah.

But it doesn't, at least it didn't continue for me. How often do people take Ozempic when they're trying to lose weight, Jamie? It's still once a week. It's still once a week. It's like also you're tapering off, I think, or, yeah. Or maybe it gets higher. I think maybe it's actually ramping up the dosage, you know? Like you start, well, let's say like 0.25 units up to like one full.

But there's supposed to be a time where you're supposed to get off of it, right? As far as like if you're trying to cut weight with it? Yeah, I think the cut weight people. I don't know. They're pushing that. It is like a cycle. Like you're supposed to be like 12 weeks on, probably 12 weeks off. These motherfuckers are pushing that, though.

But it does help regulate my sugar. So I do, between the monitor, because my monitor is always checking my sugar. For example, right now, I don't have the monitor with me. It's in the car because the honey spikes my sugar like nothing else. But because my voice is a little off right now, that's why I'm taking the honey. Yeah. So do you watch sugar, like bread? You cut that stuff out of your diet?

After a while, you start knowing exactly what does what. So you already know, like, oh, I can eat that. I shouldn't. And then you see things and you're like, all right, this is going to set it off. So I also have my, I take insulin. Oh, okay. So I'm trying to, I play that that game how long you've been doing that oh god over five years for sure so is this type two diabetes

yes so that's the type that you can reverse with uh diet and exercise yes yeah and again it's not for lack of knowing i already know i get it bro it, bro. And that's what sucks. It's like I feel like everything that I've ever attempted to do for my career, I've been able to do. But for myself, my personal self, losing weight's been the hardest thing. The hardest fucking thing in the world. Somebody explained it to me and it makes a lot of sense. One of the reasons why food addictions are the hardest to stop is because you still have to eat food. why food addictions are the hardest to stop is because you still have to eat food. Whereas, like, say if you had a gambling addiction

and you went and got counseling and you stayed out of the casinos and now you don't have to think about it anymore. You don't have to gamble every day, but you have to eat every day. Yes. So if you have an addiction to food and then you're eating fucking celery

with a little bit of peanut butter on it, like, what is this? Exactly. Well, you want a fucking quesadilla. I would just eat the peanut butter. I'd eat the peanut butter off the celery. Yeah. Well, it's just, it's hard.

It's a very difficult one because the fact that you have to engage in the same activity that you're addicted to, which is eating. You have to in order to stay alive. You know, and then you hear words like, oh, moderation. Oh, you just got to be, you know, be more mindful. I'm like, oh. Well, it's like everybody's got because it's a feeling it is it is like a drug it's like you're eating the oh god you're eating some pasta it's like oh you just you feel good you're sitting there like oh it's just

it's it's not just the eating part it's how you feel when you're 100 that is all italian food is for me i mean it's the feeling of it it's like the oh when you're all sitting around drinking red wine i know i'm gonna feel like dog shit in like an hour later but at that time at that moment it's worth it but it's just only worth it for me like once in a blue moon when i eat like that all the time i get fat i i my my uh i just like get slower my my brain doesn't work as well. You get foggy. Yeah, I get foggy. And it's so easy to gain weight. It's so easy to keep eating

when you're eating like bread and pasta. I could just overeat pasta to the end of time. Like I'm done eating, but I still want more. Like I, more than stuff, then I'm still like twirling my fork in that spaghetti. I'm like, oh. And for me, bread is the biggest crack.

And then they come over with some tiramisu and you're like, fuck it, I'm in. So you're already stuffed. You can't even eat any more spaghetti and you're just down in tiramisu. Yeah, I've had some very high calorie meals. But as long as I don't allow myself to do that every now and again,

I'm good. So for what I do is I almost entirely meat. That's my most of my diet. High protein diet. Yeah. I'm on what's called a carnivore diet. I'll have a piece of fruit every now and again, but that's kind of it. I mean, a little piece of lettuce. I've cheated a couple of times. I had an acai bowl the other day, but it's rare. Mostly I'm just, and I feel great when I eat like this. I just feel, I lose weight, I get lighter, and I'm more clear-headed, which is very strange. I think it's because your body starts processing ketones.

Your brain starts processing ketones instead of carbohydrates. Anytime I've had success with weight loss, it's always because I cut out, you know, I went went higher on the protein and I cut back on the breads and the pastas and the sugars and stuff. We're going to get you a guy, Gabe. We're going to get you a guy. We're going to get you somebody to fucking set you right. We're going to do this. I want to make it a project. Some of the things I've tried, I've actually hired a nutritionist to live with me.

Like a person making me my food. What's an annoying person cooking in your house? God, yeah. Fuck out of here. cooking in your house god yeah i couldn't take it you know what i i choose happiness and yeah i'd rather be fat if you'd rather choose happiness too the thing is like you can do both you can enjoy food and you can also lose weight and be healthy but you have to do it the right way you know and you have to do it in a way that's sustainable. That's what, what's difficult. I keep hearing the word lifestyle. It's a lifestyle. You just got to get addicted to being healthy, right? You're addicted to food, you know, and I am too. I get addicted to food, but you also can get addicted to being healthy. Another thing that happens is when you start eating really healthy, especially when you start eating low carbohydrate, high fat, high animal fat, animal

meat, your gut biome changes. And that starts becoming what you're interested in eating. Like your body craves that. If I eat a lot of sugar and a lot of carbohydrates, I just want to eat it all the time. I want to eat bread with butter. I want to have a sandwich. I want to have a bowl of spaghetti or a lasagna or something like that. But when I don't eat like that, that's not what I crave. Then I crave meat. Like that's where I'm at right now. So I'm two months in. So I just, I just, I'm trying to eat eggs and meat all the time.

That's all I'm hungry for. And you know what? I've, I've been able to do that for a while, but then I start craving, I start craving the bread or tortillas or pasta, rice, rice. And it's just like, oh. The problem is Mexican food is so fucking delicious. Yes, it is. It is amazing.

It's so fucking delicious. Bro. I love me a Mexican restaurant, like one of them hole in the walls that has the Mexican soap operas playing and nobody speaks English. You know you're going to get the real shit. There's a place called the Big Burrito. And I think it was in, it's like right outside of Woodland Hills where my old studio was. And we would go down there, man, it was sensational. Lengua quesadillas.

They had real menudo that smells like a barn. It was outstanding. The real shit, you know, with all the oils and the red and fucking the tripe and whoo. God damn, it's good. Like the letters in the window. Oh, my God. That's the spot. That's the spot.

That place is so legit. Ah, look at the little thing where you can buy the toys for a quarter. I used to not blow them up. I used to not blow them up because I didn't want to ruin it. But they sent me a message the other day thanking me because we've talked about it a bunch of times. It's so legit. But there's a bunch of those places. They're all throughout L.A., you know?

I mean, when you've got a lot of Mexicans, you've got a lot of great Mexican food. It's like you go to East Coast, a lot of Italians, a lot of great Italian food. You know, you've got to go to where those people make it, like, authentic. And out here they do Tex-Mex, which is a little different. You know what? I like it a lot. I like Tex-Mex. I prefer Tex-Mex over regular Mexican food. Do you really know what? I like it a lot. I like Tex-Mex. I prefer Tex-Mex over regular Mexican food.

Do you really? Yes, I do. That's saccharine. I know, right? That's the kind of Mexican I am. No, Tex-Mex is awesome. What's your favorite shit? Barbacoa.

Barbacoa taco with some cheese. Talk to me. I like how you say that. Pork guisada taco. Yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah, and actually, I could find that here. Yeah, all the food here is sensational. I'll let you know now where I'm going after I leave. This is the hard spot to be on a good stuff. And actually, I could find that here. Yeah, all the food here is sensational. I'll let you know now where I'm going after I leave.

This is the hard spot to be on a good diet. Yeah. There's so many good spots. It's an interesting city because it's so artistic. There's so much live music. And now the comedy scene is exploding and the food scene is exploding. There's so many great restaurants here. Oh, this is a great food city.

Oh, my God. A great food city. While you're in town, I gotta send you out to sushi by scratch It's like it's in Cedar Park. It's about 30 minutes from here It is the most sensational sushi you will ever have in your life. It's omakase you sit down there The dudes got a Michelin star. It's sensational. It's so good dude. It's so good He's got two different Michelin stars or two different restaurants. He runs's a bad dude he's a bad mother philip franklin lee my man he's great he also runs a fucking killer burger place here called not a damn chance burger he just makes one kind of

cheeseburger but does it perfect with like wagyu ground beef and just pickles onions american cheese bam and you eat it you're like j, Jesus Christ, this is good. Yeah. So, yeah, losing weight's hard, Joe. Yeah. I hear you, brother. I hear you. I hear you, man. And then, you know, it's like the more, the better comedy got for me and just, you know, you're able to afford to eat out every night. And that becomes a problem, too.

Yeah. I was in much better shape when I was broke. When I was broke and I couldn't afford to go out and eat at some of these places, man. I was still a big kid, but I wasn't where I'm at now. Right. I hear you. But being able to go and like, what? You want to go eat at Ruth Chris Steakhouse and have some baked potatoes and have a steak

dipped in butter? Let's go. Yeah, let's do it. Let's go. You want to go again? do it let's go you want to go again sure let's go let's go and it's just like dude at a certain point that becomes a reality and you lose touch with the fact that you're you're getting you're getting it over your head the key to getting you in shape though is someone has to do it correctly and they got to do it slow and they got to do it with a heart monitor and they got to do it with a monitor your heart very your your um monitor your heart rate variability.

Like you should use like a whoop strap or some other similar kind of thing. And have someone do it where they're making sure your sleep is good and making sure that your nutrient levels are good. And just slowly, start slowly. That's a lot of monitoring. Yeah, but that's how they have to do it. That's to do it right. All I heard was strap and monitoring. I was like, all right. The whoop is an easy one. You wear it on your wrist. It's a lot of monitoring. Yeah, but that's how they have to do it. That's to do it right. All I heard was strap and monitoring. I was like, all right.

The Whoop is an easy one. You wear it on your wrist. It's nothing. Oh, is that like a Fitbit or what is that? Yeah, it's like that. But it gets your heart rate. It finds out when you're sleeping. It gives you all this information, what your recovery is based on heart rate variability.

It's really good. It's a really good device. And it's simple, easy to use. The app's easy to use. And the good thing about it is you don't have to guess like if you wake up and you go i feel like shit and then you look at your recovery like you shouldn't feel like shit maybe just being a lazy bitch and you go let me just start working out a little bit and see how i feel and most of the times when i do that as long as i'm not really like you got to know your body

sometimes i'm like i might be fighting something off. I feel weak. Like maybe I'm just going to go light and just break a little sweat and then go home. But other times they break that sweat and you're like, whoa, let's go. And then you start feeling it. You're like, I just needed to get woken up, you know? So it gives you data, which I think is important. So you make informed decisions. So if you wake up and you, you know, like a lot of my friends found out they had COVID because they woke up and they just didn't feel right. And they looked at their whoop strap and it said like, hey, your recovery was like 10%. I'm like, what the fuck is going on?

Like, why is my heart rate so high? You know, and then they get tested. They go, oh, you got COVID. So good. Now you can calm down and recover from it without letting your body get seriously taxed out and getting really sick. So now slow down now. And now let's treat it now. So a lot of people that I know that did that, they've avoided flus and avoided them getting really bad because you catch them early.

It gives you a heads up. Catch them early, get a vitamin IV drip. You ever do those? Yes. Oh, that's good. That's a game changer. That's a game changer. Vitamin IV with zinc, that's a game changer.

The whole cocktail. Oh, the whole cocktail. That immunity cocktail. I'm totally all for it. Oh, so good for you. So good for you. High dose vitamin C. Just give it to me, baby.

You walk out of there, you feel like, whoa. I found, though, that I was doing a lot more of those for recovery versus being like... From getting hammered? Not necessarily just from being hammered, but, you know, because I do drink.

But, you know, just being out hammered, because I do drink. But just being out there on the road for so much. It's like, go, go, go, go, go. Yeah. Yeah, let's add a show. Sure, let's do it. And then it's like drained. And I found that I was getting that done regularly, more so to recover versus, let me just do it to be more proactive. I learned it from Dave.

When the first time I was going on the road with Dave, he goes, you want to get an IV? I'm like, what are you guys doing? You go into his room. He's got a fucking penthouse room, right? So we go into his room and there's like trees set up where they have these IV trees and this whole crew is sitting there getting IV bags. I'm like, this is amazing. This is so rock star.

This is so next level. They drink tequila until like three o'clock in the morning, do mushrooms, and the next day they get IV'd. And the first time I did it, I was like, oh. Because we had gone hard. We did the Tacoma Dome in Seattle, wherever the hell it is, Tacoma, Washington. We were fucking, we got out. It was so fun.

It was like one of the first ones we did. So it was just crazy afterwards. And we went out and we saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood privately in a movie. Dave rented out the whole movie theater. They had popcorn for us and everything. It was fucking amazing. And it was like 3 in the morning. And, you know, everybody's hammered.

Oh, my God. And Don L. Rawlings starts snoring. A bunch of people started snoring. It was fun, though, man. But then the next day, you're like, oh, Jesus, we got a show tonight. But you get that IV. You're like, da-da-da-da-da. I'm still good.

You fire right back up. Have a good meal in him. Get some vitamins. Let's go. Let's fucking go. Man. Watching a movie at 3 a.m. In a theater.

In a theater. Yeah. Eating popcorn, too. They have bags of popcorn for us. That's crazy. It was amazing. They had candy laid out for us. That is awesome. Dave's a rock us. That's freaking awesome. It was amazing. They had candy laid out for us. That is awesome.

Dave's a rock star. He's a different human. You're traveling with him. People just let him do shit. Fire up a cigarette in a restaurant. No one says shit. How awesome is that? Only him and Snoop could probably pull that off.

Yeah, Snoop could pull it off. Snoop could spark up a joint in the middle of a police station. They would just smile. Can I get a picture, Snoop? Snoop could spark up a joint in the middle of a police station. They would just smile. Can I get a picture, Snoop? Yeah, I mean, you achieve legendary status.

You deserve that, you know, for sure. What are you going to do? It's part of the thing. But it's just cool to know people like that, you know? That's one of the nice things about L.A., too, is that they were always coming through. And that's nice about Austin. A lot of guys have been coming through. So it's like, you you know when someone's in town doing a theater i'll go check them out and i'll go to the arena like we went to see bill burr when he was at the arena went to see louis

was he was down here at the at the moody it's great it's been fun the moody that's where i was at last time god that place is awesome it's beautiful we were there for the kill tony 10 year anniversary show on sat night. It was insane. Because I was there. Have you ever done Kill Tony? No. You've got to do Kill Tony. You must.

You have to. You've got to be a guest. It's so much fun. Do you know what it is? I've heard of it, but I keep seeing it popping up. It's professionals, guys like Shane Gillis and Dave Attell. They'll sit in, and they're the guest. And and then they have comedians a lot of them amateur maybe first time ever on stage and they're going to do one minute and then the comedians yeah i've seen it yeah it's hilarious it's a great it

can be brutal too it's like very brutal but but also loving and a lot of people have created careers out of that show a lot of people there's a lot of people have created careers out of that show. A lot of people. There's a lot of people that are touring headliners now. And they started out doing one minute on Kill Tony. And now 10 years later they're on the road making a living doing stand-up. And then they get invited back onto the show as guests. They get invited back on the show to do a minute.

It's amazing. It's beautiful. And then they did the 10-year anniversary. And it was fucking wild. It was wild. Like, just the ovation they got when they started the show. I was like, holy shit. It's that big now.

Yeah, because I was there in the belly room, and the belly room was, like, half filled. And they were just kind of fucking around up there. And I was like, this is amazing. I love things like that. Good to see where it's gotten. I love seeing people succeed. I really do. I get a kick out of it. It just charges me up, man. I just love seeing people succeed i really do i get a kick out of it i just it just just charges me up man i just love seeing people pull it together i love seeing people pull

something off like look at you go look at you go that's how i felt with you when i saw you in dodger stadium i was like look at him go look at fluffy let me let me tell you something though um being able to do all those things it's awesome but the sacrifice of losing touch with certain things like i feel terrible that that i'm like just not getting introduced to something like you know kill tony because it's like you know at a certain point you you are so focused on working you stop seeing other things that are out there yeah you you lose touch with a lot because you're just focused on working you stop seeing other things that are out there yeah you you lose touch with a lot because you're just focused on making this machine go go go and i feel i feel like man what you know how much have i been missing out on because i'm working and working

and working yeah you know i get it but i don't think you should be hard on yourself like that i don't think you're missing out on jack shit nice i think you're experiencing the most amazing life a person can experience you're a fucking major success touring stand-up comedian who's beloved by all come on man that's the greatest thing you could ever what the fuck are you missing out on it is it is it is incredible but i do feel though that i i i rob myself of opportunities to learn and grow in different areas because I'm doing this so much. Well, that's a beautiful mindset. That's a growth mindset you have. That's why you're thinking like that because you're never really totally satisfied with yourself.

But that's also why you're so good. You have a great reputation as a person too, which I really admire. Oh, thank you. Yeah. People love you. They really do. I don't think I've ever heard anybody say a bad thing about you, ever. I appreciate you saying that.

In all the years that I've known you, not one. Everybody's like, Fluffy's the best. He's the nicest guy. You know? You could get to the success that you've reached and not have a pile of people that are hating on you. That's amazing. That's beautiful. Yeah, especially in this business.

Especially in this business, yeah. This business could be the most community-oriented, comforting, fucking beautiful brother and sisterhood, or it could just be backstabbing nightmare, depending on the circles you travel in and the stage of your career. Yeah. Also what you give off. It's all what you give off. That was another thing, too, is that I always kept a circle very small. And I always kept myself busy and away from the potential of having these conflicts. Yeah, you got to do that.

That's important. That's important. Keeping your circle small is important. Small but strong, you know. And it inspires everybody else, too. You know, I'm sure the guys you bring with you on the road, they get inspired. They're getting better. You know, everybody gets fired up when they see that kind of experience. wow i didn't even know this was possible you know yeah you know and then that that night

at dodger stadium you know i was on stage with my buddy martin and alfred and it's like we've been on tour for so many years and so like that was a very like it was it was our moment yeah wasn't my moment it was it was our moment it Yeah. It wasn't my moment. It was our moment. It felt really, really good. That's beautiful. Because we were all in that grind and, you know, from these, like, little messed up cities to all of a sudden being in Europe and all over the place. And then now we're back home. Wow.

And it's like, you know, it's not a 2 o'clock show at the Ice House. Are you doing Spanish shows? You know what? I've attempted to do it. And, yes, I do speak Spanish, but it's very different. I still think in English. And so to try to do my set in Spanish, I feel like it loses a lot. I've opened up for a comic named Franco Escamilla. Amazing comedian, great storyteller, super, super funny. And I got a chance to open for him in Mexico City at an arena for his Netflix special.

And I told him, look, I'll do 15 minutes to open in front of you on the condition that you do 15 minutes in English at Staples Center when it was still Staples Center. So that was our agreement. He's going to perform in English and I'm going to perform in Spanish. Oh, that's amazing. We both agreed we need to stick to our language. Tom Segura's been doing Spanish shows. But see, Tom is like a sleeper, man. You don't realize that Tom can do that.

The first time I heard Tom Segura speak Spanish, I'm like, who are you? Fluent. Yeah. Like, there is no like, hola, amigo. There's none of that shit. He's very like, hola. He sounds like a soap opera star. Yeah.

And when he speaks Spanish, you're like, ooh, look at you. Oh, he can speak the shit out of some Spanishanish what's crazy is when people talk shit around him and they don't know he can speak spanish because he looks like a regular white guy and then he'll turn and just start just ripping into him yeah and he could do jokes in spanish like he's fluent enough that he can manipulate his bits and turn them into bits that work in spanish yeah he's super fluent like you know i can order food yeah i can order food like a champ y los cambia a cosas que funcionan en español. Sí, es muy fluente. Como, ya sabes, puedo ordenar comida. Puedo ordenar comida como un champiñón, pero para llevar una conversación regular

que me requiere de poner ciertas palabras, es como, siempre soy uno de esos que llegue a un punto en el que digo, ¿Cómo se dice este...? Y luego tengo que decir la palabra en inglés y volver a hacerlo. Así que, ya sabes, lo veo. Y lo que yo quería decir es que hace 20 años, So, I mean, you know. And what I wanted to say is that 20 years ago, I had a friend there who was Spanish, that is, from Madrid.

And the only reason I think... Amazing. Amazing. I wish I could do that. Like, he's just making noise to me. Funny, right? Yeah, I wish I could do that. I think there just making noise to me. Funny, right? Yeah. I wish I could do that. I think there's a real value in learning a second language.

It's one of those things where I was like, God damn it. I don't have the time, but I wish I did. But part of me says you do stupid. You do a lot of other stuff. Why don't you like dedicate a few hours a week to learn Spanish? You know, I mean, it's, it's, if nothing else, just to communicate with people, not necessarily if you want to do stand-up in Spanish. Again, I thought about it.

I thought it would be a great challenge. But, oh, God. No. No. No. I'm already doing it the way that it works for me. Yeah. Fuck it.

You know, why? Exactly. Why make your life harder? Why? Why make my life harder? I'm like, I'm good. I can still go perform in Mexico in English. Bro, when Joey Diaz used to mix Spanish and English in Miami, when Joey, who's Cuban from Miami,

when he would hit those motherfuckers with some Cuban slang. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You could not follow that. Nobody could follow that. It was chaos. It was chaos. When I watched Joey crush at the Miami Improv,

I was like, this might be the hardest a person can kill because he's funny already And then he hits them with some Spanish punchlines and people are dying as you're hyper relating. Yeah Yes, I remember the first time when I when I performed in El Paso at the comic strip You know there was very few comics that that could do spanglish and when you got a crowd that's got 80 to 90 percent mexican and you're hitting them with stuff that's hysterical in english and now you're throwing in like i'm one of you too yeah it was like it was yes it was such a a connection and the response was like oh it was yes wow yeah i remember i had a open up for a comic named dan bradley years ago dan bradley and a feature named jay vermeti and i was supposed

to be the and i'm the mc and so i went out there and i'm hosting the show and i'd hit him with all the english spanish and then hitting local references because I would spend so much time in the city. You know, like Doña Flor and La Esquina in the corner. And they're like, oh, my God, he knows Doña Flor. You know, it's outside. So when you start hitting them with stuff like that, the feature goes, hey, man, you're going out there with too much energy. You need to set the tone for the show. You got to build it up.

You got to prepare, you know, get it so that the feature can take it from there. And then you got to set up the headliner to succeed. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, because I didn't know. I was just excited. And I told the manager that. And the manager goes, you go out there and you put your smack down. And if that feature can't follow you, we'll switch you. Yeah, shut your mouth.

And so the coolest thing was I wanted to do less time and then do more time in between the two, the feature and the headliner as an emcee. And so when I asked the headliner if that was OK, he goes, I'll tell you what, buddy. How about you do just a little bit of time up in front? And when I get off stage, you can go on after me and you do as much time as you want. I didn't know comedy etiquette yet i didn't know how it was supposed to go i didn't know that that's not you're not supposed to do that i was so new and green and so i i did the small time up front and then the feature during the show he was like that's how you do it kid you know and then after the headliner was done i went up on stage

and i did another like 15 20 minutes and got a standing ovation. And then when I got off, I'm like, yeah. And then the headliner, the feature, the manager, everybody was waiting to rip me a new one. Because it's like, yeah, we get it that you can do that, but you're not supposed to do that. But he told you to do it. But that's what I said. I go, he told me to do it. He goes, Kit, I was fucking with you.

I didn't think you'd really do it. And I'm like, well, you know, that's how new I was he wasn't fucking with you he was scared of you going on in the middle I was I was that's what it was he didn't want you going on and crushing right in front of him that's hilarious someone telling you to not be as funny don't be so funny yeah and you have too much energy you're too enjoyable you're too entertaining how crazy is that right but I just remember that when i went up there and i was throwing in spanish references and i would actually uh make references to television shows that were in spanish or things that people could relate to from their childhood

you know and doing that there it was like it was it was just boom like so when you're saying the thing with joey i get it yeah because when you can do that and you're in an area where they know you and you're like, yes, he's one of us. Yeah. It's an incredible feeling. Yeah, that's the beauty of being able to speak two languages, man. There's a bunch of, like, doesn't Eddie Izzard, hasn't he done shows in like German? Multiple languages. Yeah, many, many languages.

Multiple languages. So to be able to do that. And there's a few comics also, like Canadians that can do English, French, and then I think even, God, not Farsi. There was a comic named Sugar Sammy who can perform in multiple languages. Have you ever talked to Eddie Izzard? I've never spoken to him. That's an extraordinary person. That's an extraordinary person.

Very unusual. Very like free in his own skin. But that's always been him. Yeah. I mean, I've seen all his specials and I've heard stories about him and yeah you know he make you laugh in four languages he does stand up in english french german and spanish wow no he's a he's a fascinating guy um i really got interested in him when he ran a marathon a day like all around the UK? Did you know he did that? No, dude, he wasn't even in shape. It was just willpower, like legitimate willpower. Like, I don't know how much he was

running at all, but he certainly wasn't running a marathon a day. He wasn't running enough to protect himself because he destroyed his feet, like his feet were destroyed. And by the end of it, he was in fucking incredible shape but he was running a marathon every goddamn day i think he only took like one or two days off the entire time so he ran 27 marathons in 27 days oh my god yeah then he came back and did 43 and 51 days this is yeah this is this the first time he did it this 27 one i believe so i know he's done i almost think he's done it three times he did another one where he was and I say he because I believe he wants to be

referred to as he I want to be respectful of that because he like likes women too he's very he's a very unusual person like but in super comfortable in his own very fluid but his thing was like he would do a podcast while he was on a treadmill so like he had all these people a podcast while he was on a treadmill. So he had all these people calling him because he was running on this treadmill some insane amount of miles. And, yeah, so I called in, and I was talking to him while he was on a treadmill. That was 32 in 31 days. 32 marathons in 31 days for charity.

And he was completing. He was doing 27 miles. Yeah. Yeah, every day. Or 20 is his 26, right? 26 miles every day. And he was completing. Yeah. He was doing 27 miles. Yeah. Yeah, every day. Or 20 is his 26, right? 26 miles every day. 26.2 every day. Crazy.

But, I mean, injured, fucked up feet. Like, there's video of them, like, trying to repair his feet. Blisters. Oh, just destroyed, man. The feet are destroyed. Like, those people, like, my friend Cameron Haynes, he runs ultra marathons where they're, like, 240-mile runs. They take days. Yeah, ridiculous. And days.

Days. They run for days. And they don't sleep. They just keep running. Yeah. But at the end of it, your toenails fall off. Your feet are destroyed. Your feet look like you've been, like, running on—

Gravel and shit. Yeah, on broken glass. It looks terrible. It's horrible. Yeah. You'll never hear me hear about me running marathons. There's a thing that I think the finish line must be so ecstatic. It must be so amazing that you actually force yourself to do that, that you get addicted to that feeling.

The endorphins. Yeah. Wow. Imagine forcing yourself to run a hundred miles I've had dreams of running marathons and like what that must feel like yeah and you know no we've had this guy in a couple of times Zach bitter and Zach he he had the world record for the fastest 100 miles around a track it was something insane what was like 10 hours 100 miles ran in 10 miles and 10 hours it might have been less than 10 hours because i think it was like he averaged

like a seven minute mile so how many hours did it take zach to do that but 12 hours 12 hours okay so what was his average speed then that wouldn't be seven miles an hour. What would that be? He did 100 miles in 11, 40, 55, and kept running. So he could finish for 12 hours to see how much further he'd go. He ran for 40 more minutes. Jesus. And got to 104.8 miles in 12 hours.

Someone beat it, though, in 2022. Some other psychopath went faster. A Lithuanian. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A Lithuanian. Yeah. Alexander Sorokin.

There's always going to be somebody that's willing to push themselves closer to death. Yeah. Yeah, to beat your psychotic record of running 100 miles in under 12 hours. I will never know that one. Yeah. I will never know it. I don't think I'm going to know that one either. No.

I think I'm okay with not knowing that one. I'm good. Yeah. I'll stick to my 2 o'clock shows. That's your marathon. That is a fucking marathon, though, man. It's a mental marathon for sure. When I'm doing two shows a night at the mothership, two hours a night,

that's a mental thing. You've got to be fired up. But it's also so exciting. And you feel so fortunate that you can do it, you know? Like, I've never forgotten what it was like when I first started, when I just wanted to get on stage and I couldn't get on stage. It's like, God damn, I want to get up there. I'm just so hungry for it. I'll never forget that.

So, like, I hate when people take shows for granted. Like, damn. Damn, we've got to do a Sunday night show. Like, what are you talking about? Of course we do. You get to go up and do what you... Go talk shit and make people have a great fucking time. For what, an hour and a half of the day? Two hours of the day? That's it?

You got 22 hours to play golf or jerk off or whatever the fuck you wanna do, you weirdo. But that's the thing. It's like we think of it as work sometimes, but really what it is, is the greatest pastime. It's the most fun thing to do. The most fun activity that happens to be a job. For me, the work is the travel, getting on a bus, getting on a plane, having to check into hotels, you know, like everything that goes into the day with exceptions of the actual performing itself or having to perform through when the check drops.

That's the only time I was like, okay, let's see how this goes. So weathering that. But other than that, there's no work. We don't do check drops until after the show. That's awesome. Yeah, you have to do it that way. We were doing it the other way at first. I was like, this is terrible because I was watching people when other people were on stage.

I was like, this is not good. And then you hear the conversation. Yeah, it's not good. Somebody wants to argue about the bill. It's also they're talking loud because they're drunk and they don't realize they're talking loud. So they're like, what's 20%? You know, do you have any cash? Yeah.

So it's way easier this way. It's just way better for the comics. It's just, you know, the overall experience. It's all just about, let's try to make it, I know there's no food, but that's why. To try to make it the best. But I'll tell you, Rapolo's next door. They got pizza. I'm going to go check out that sushi spot.

Yeah, the sushi spot is off the chain. Let me know. I'll hook that up. You got to go to that. That's insane. It's the best sushi you've ever had in your life. And it's omakase. So just sit there and one piece explains to you.

They do it all. They prepare it right in front of you. Okay. One piece at a time. So it's like 14 pieces of sushi. And they do it over the course of like an hour and a half. You have sake pairings. It's sensational.

That alone sells it. Yeah. I go off my no grain diet when I go there. I That alone sells it. Yeah, I go off my no-grain diet when I go there. I say, fuck it. Tonight we're eating rice. Are you big on the different types of paper, like seaweed? Yeah, I love it. He made me this one thing.

I probably shouldn't tell it because he doesn't want to serve it all the time, but this is very expensive. It was uni. That's it. That's it right there. Scallops and uni. So it's raw scallops and raw sea urchin with some rice in that nori paper. And it's fucking sensational.

It's so good. It's like the best piece of food you could literally eat. It's insanity. And, you know, it's like, you don't realize how good people, like someone can be at something until you see like a master chef prepare food. And you're like, oh, there's a difference, even in sushi,

which I would just think of, you know, ignorantly before I would think of it as just, oh, this is like fish. Oh, it's just rice and roll it up in fish. Fish and rice. How hard can that be? No, no, no. It's the little delicate flavors they put on it

and the way they prepare it. They dry age some of the meat and they do all these different things. It's like, no. It's the little delicate flavors they put on it and the way they prepare it. They dry-aged some of the meat and they do all these different things. It's like, ah, ah. I took Daniel Cormier. It was his first time he's ever had sushi. He was like 46 years old. He's never had sushi. You should have seen him when he was eating scallops, like raw scallops. You can see the look on his face. Was he vibing it or wasn't? He was just kind of freaking out. He liked some of it he did not like

the raw scallops it's the texture it's always the texture thing like I can there's certain like seafood that I'm down with but then like

I can't do oysters you can't do raw oysters no I love them I mean if you said oh okay you know just swallow it

don't even like whatever if I had to some people like chewing it. I heard about someone died recently. They think they got a tainted oyster and died. Google that. I think it was a girl.

I think she ate. What happened? Yeah. I think she ate some oyster that was tainted with something. No? Fentanyl. No. Yeah, they picked up. This might be part of. No? It was a man. Fentanyl. Uh, no.

Yeah, they picked up, this might be part of the problem, it was in Missouri at a seafood stand. Oh, a seafood stand like outside?

Yeah. Ooh, that's a risky person. That's, that's a motherfucker that eats gas station sushi. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not disposed of any from station sushi. Yeah, no. They don't look disposed of anything from the business. Yeah, I think it's because they, you know. They just had them laying out there? Oh, that's crazy. Fruit and seafood stand, yeah. That is crazy.

If you just leave oysters out there, eventually they'll kill you. But it says there's no evidence the business did anything to contaminate them, so they're trying to determine where they came from. Oh, so it might have been contaminated straight from the ocean. It's just that they probably contaminated when they arrived at the stand. I do know that sometimes they get contaminated from the ocean. My wife got sick once. She got food poisoning from oysters.

Yeah, so I'm not about it. I take my chances. You take your chances. I roll my chances on oysters. But I'll do sushi. I'll do caviar, lobsters, you know, shrimps, fish. They say that oysters and scallops and clams are good for vegans because if you think about it, if you just really, like, they're not really an animal, but they give you animal protein.

Like, scallops are, they're more primitive than plants. Like, they're really primitive things. They don't have any, like, they're not feeling jack shit. No conscience there. They're kind of like a plant, but they're a plant that moves. But they're not a plant. They're a mollusk. But they don't have a brain.

Whatever that is is just like some sort of meat with a shell. So it's a green light. It's a green light, I think. I mean, as much as eggs are. Eggs are a green light, too. Because they just lay them. If there's no rooster, there's no way that's going to be a chick. You're not hurting anybody.

Eat the eggs. And you have a good relationship with the chickens. Chickens eat the grass and food. What is this? I think that's what it is. It says it's a scout. That's how a scout flies around? I don't know.

Whoa, is that real? They swim? It seems like that's not what it is. It says it's a scout. That's how a scout flies around? I don't know. Whoa, is that real? They swim? It seems like that's not what's happening, but that's what's happening. But it is what's happening. It swims like a... That's crazy. I didn't know they could do that. It's so weird looking.

Yeah. Plant, huh? Yeah. Well, whatever the fuck it is. Whatever it is. It's a bivalve. It just moves. it's obviously not a plant it's a mollusk but it moves i mean that's the thing that it does it moves there's a video

i've seen of puffer fish i think eating them have you seen that oh wow that's why you want it it makes a loud crunch yeah because the shell's hard yeah freaking puffer fish but whatever they are though is not really an animal. That's why, like, I've heard, like, a neuroscientist make this argument. Like, it's really, like, probably the most ethical thing that you can eat. As long as there's, like, sustainable numbers of them. Because it's like, they don't even know you're eating them. There's nothing going on there.

It's just a piece of meat covered by a shell. Right. It's weird. How many vegans do you know? I know quite a few. Yeah? Yeah about you oh you know what i know i know of them i respect people's i respect people's choices and uh i think that one is a complicated one and it it's a convenient one too. The convenient one is not taking into account all the animal death that's involved in large-scale agriculture, which is where you get most of your vegetables because there's a lot of animal death involved in that, a lot. There's also poisoning.

There's a lot of poisoning of the land with pesticides and herbicides. There's a lot of shit that goes on to these monocrop agriculture establishments, which is where you get a lot of your vegetables from. And it's not good. And it's not good for the environment. It's not good for the animals. It's definitely not good for any animal that lives in that field. They're getting fucked up.

You know how many animals get churned up in combines? Yes. How many birds and gophers and groundhogs they kill? It's just, it's... In order, yeah, to maintain the crops. Yeah, it's, I mean, Ted Nugent has broken it down. And he actually knows the statistics and like what is actually involved in it. But when I talk to people that run these regenerative farms, when they describe industrial farms

and all the shit that they have to do and how all that gets into the rivers and it poisons the rivers, it's wild stuff, man. And that's, that's vegetables. That's how they man and that's that's vegetables that's how they're growing things on topsoil that's dead so they have to constantly pour all these fertilizers and nitrogen all this shit all over the all over the ground because there's no nutrients left in the topsoil they have to do all this it's real complicated. And the water that runs into the rivers, it's so disgusting. There's this guy, Will Harris, from White Oak Pastures. And he has a regenerative farm, and he's right next to a farm that's an industrial farm. And there's like a clear line between the runoff on his side where the water's clear

and then the runoff on his neighbor's side where immediately you can see that it becomes mud. See the line? Look at the line. That's the the line that's the property line on the right hand side it's just horrible on the left hand side it looks like a river and that's the dividing line between their two farms which is fucking insane it's insane that that's legal and that that's normal that runoff it's like unintended pollution what are we going to do it's on the topsoil and the topsoil is all dead so all the and that that's normal. That runoff. It's like unintended pollution. What are we going to do? It's on the topsoil and the topsoil is all dead. So all the stuff that they pour on just runs off when it rains into the river.

God, look at that. Yeah. So there's that. And then there's this new evidence that plants can think and plants communicate and plants share information and that through mycelium, through the actual, like, the fungus that's in the soil, they're exchanging information and even resources. There's certain intelligence in it, yeah. Yeah, there's something there. They're screaming when you eat them, Gabriel.

Oh, God, no. There was lettuce out of the ground, screams. I want to say it was like a modern version of the Twilight Zone. There was an episode where this guy was trying to lose weight, and he was going to eat vegetables out of his fridge, and every vegetable would make a sound like that. Oh, boy. So he's trying to eat, but he can't eat anything, and he's starving.

And at the end, everything just kind of rotted, and they found the guy dead. It was creepy, but yeah. Did you ever see the one? There's an old Twilight Zone where these aliens come down and they introduce themselves to Earth and they give us a book. And the book is To Serve Man. They find this book that they have. And then they realize it's a cookbook. Oh.

In the movie. That's like the punchlineline the aliens have come down here to eat us so what yeah oh man see this guy's in front of all give me some of the volume and prevent it we are here to help you are we to assume that there is no ulterior motive? There is nothing ulterior in our motives. Nothing at all. You will discover this for yourselves before too long simply by testing the various devices which we will make available to you. We ask only that you trust us. Only that you simply trust us. Perhaps you watched this

initial questioning. Most people on earth did. And surely some of the questions asked by your representatives must have been identical to more than a few of your own. Because as a race we are unaccustomed to charity. Brutality is a far more universal language to us than an expression of friendship from outer space. They were nine feet tall enigmas who descended on us like locusts. But nobody was counting or worrying. Except perhaps a few professionals whose job it was to second guess. It seems like what's happening now.

Yeah, exactly what's happening now Yeah Exactly what's happening now So at the end of it They translate the book And they realize What it actually says We're gonna make sushi out of Ted This could have been cut off It's only a six minute video

It might not have been the whole episode How long is it? Six minutes No that's definitely not the whole You're still on earth or on the ship with me it doesn't make very much difference because sooner or later it would all of us be on the menu the recollections of one michael chambers or more simply stated the evolution of man the cycle of going from dust to desert

the metamorphosis from being the ruler of a planet. I think it's before that he realizes it. Oh, my God. Yeah, that would suck. It would suck. Especially, like, we can sort of justify killing dumb things, you know? You know, but... Dogs are pretty smart.

There's people out there that are eating dogs. Yeah. Dogs are pretty goddamn smart's people out there that are eating dogs yeah dogs are pretty goddamn smart to be eating them there's a lot of animals that have a lot you know i feel they're very so pigs yeah pigs are freaking smart you can train a pig to do almost anything that you can train a dog to do just think about what people do to dolphins uh just think of that there's some fucked up i mean that they're really smart Now imagine some alien that's just like, what if humans are delicious? What if, like, in all the cosmos, they're, like, the favorite food?

Yeah, or like a buffet. Yeah. And maybe you get intelligence from them. Maybe when you eat people, you get a little bit of their DNA. We're like their, what is it called, their limitless pill. Like, oh, man, every time you eat one of them, oh, it's, like, euphoric. It would suck if they were delicious. Maybe we're like their mushroom. Right. called? Their limitless pill. Like, oh, man, every time you eat one of them, oh, it's like euphoric. It would suck if they were delicious. Maybe we're like their mushroom.

Right. Like we get them high. Yeah, they have a trip. Yeah, wasn't that like dolphins use puffer fish to get high? That's hilarious. Yeah. So they'd suck it in toxins. How would they figure that out?

Yeah. So, Joe, how long before do you think uh they confirmed that we got you know that that aliens are real every week man i'm i keep watching these stories and i'm like uh i was just in las vegas last week too i was looking i was looking for those eight feet aliens that the guy was talking about that one's that one's us we were talking about that earlier it's like ah come on come on yeah that george knapp guy who's the probably the lead investigative reporter when it comes to the UFO phenomenon. He's the guy that discovered Bob Lazar. And he went to try to talk to those people, and they were kind of avoiding him.

They didn't answer the door. But it could be that they just don't want the attention. Like maybe they freaked out. Maybe they had no idea it was going to go viral like that. Maybe it really happened. Look, imagine if it really happened. Imagine you're just chilling in your backyard and you hear boom. And you're like, what?

And you go outside and you see a fucking UFO and a 10-foot alien. And you stand there and you're staring at them. And then they get back on the craft and take off. And you're like, what the fuck just happened and then no one's gonna believe you so you tell people but you feel so stupid you're like yeah they were in my backyard they were like 10 feet tall and they had big eyes and everyone's like look at this moron the fuck out of here but maybe it really did happen and maybe you realize like what am i gonna do have people just keep telling me i'm a liar or just shut the fuck up maybe i'll just I'm a liar? Or just shut the fuck up? Maybe I'll just shut the fuck up.

Maybe I would shut the fuck up. Maybe if it happened in my yard, maybe if they landed in my yard, I would just know for sure they're real, but keep it to myself. I don't want people thinking I'm out of my fucking mind. If something like that happened, you look for, can you prove this? Can you tell this story without looking like a total lunatic? Right. This thing landed. All right, so there's a ring.

Okay, there's the burn marks from the jets or whatever. There's footprints. There's certain elements. But everybody's so quick on the draw, like if something happens, you know, a fight breaks out. World star in two seconds. People are gunslingers with their cameras. Right. Why wouldn't you be a gunslinger when there's a fucking UFO in front of you?

That'd be the first. I know. Instantly. Instantly. Like, what of you? That'd be the first. I know. Instantly. Like, what is that? That'd be the first thing. You're going out in the backyard and you're not going to. There's no reason why there shouldn't be more footage, more clean footage. Because it's always grainy.

It's always messed up. It's a shadow. It's a bush. It's, you know, so I'm like. Here's my problem with it. My problem is that I want it to be real. And I know a lot of people want it to be real. And I also know it's an amazing distraction.

It's an amazing distraction for a bunch of ways. Like let's imagine that what we're actually looking at is some United States military vehicle that they have developed secretly that operates on some different kind of propulsion system, some sort of gravity drive or something. And maybe it's a drone and they can shoot these things across the sky at insane rates of speed, but they don't want to admit they have the technology. What better way than to say that we're being visited? What better way? Like if you really were going to hide technology, if you had bases under the sea where you had hypersonic drones just shot through the sky and you couldn't even follow with your eye if you had those why would what a better way to hide it than to say smoking mirrors over here yeah and then have a

few whistleblowers come out and how these guys well I can tell you definitively that we have recovered 12 crashed UFOs I know it sounds crazy like that kind of stuff makes me wonder. That's how I would do it. If I wanted to dupe people into thinking that these things that maybe they occasionally see that we operate, that they're not ours because we don't have that kind of capability.

If I was going to lie about our capability, which maybe you should and maybe they've done before with like the stealth bomber, remember? They fucking developed that bitch. People thought they were seeing UFOs and saw that thing fly around. You ever seen one of those in real life? Woo! Pretty cool.

Pretty fucking cool. I would say that they're UFOs. That's what I would say. They don't tell the truth about anything, right? They never tell you about top secret stuff that you really don't have. What are you going to do with the information that UFOs are real? What is the general public going to do with it? Jack shit.

They're not going to do anything. So if they had it, why would they tell us? If they really had irrefutable evidence that this something is an off-world vehicle, it comes from another dimension, it comes from another planet, why would they tell us? They would only tell us if they have to tell tell us or they would tell us the stuff that they have is actually from another planet because they don't want people to know what they can do yet that's what i would do i mean if i had a history of deception i would be deceiving people about that or it could be really aliens and that's the problem and i don't i know me and i want it to be aliens real bad real bad so i uh will not be objective when i look at that subject i am always going to be hopeful

i'm always going to be having fun with it i'm always going to be thinking that it's probably real i believe the pilot i think the math is says it all. I mean, the universe is so massive. I mean, it's so massive. How can we be the only ones? We may not be. We might be visited. And it might be a combination of both of those things. It might be some of those things are our drones. And it might be some of the things are not ours. And maybe some of the things are from other countries as well. And maybe some of those things are our drones and it might be some of the things are not ours and maybe some of the things are from other countries as well and maybe some of those things are from another planet or maybe from some life form that we haven't established that has bases in the ocean

because there's a lot of these at least one of them they got on video that is a craft that was flying in the air and then went into the ocean it didn't even make a splash, just went right in the ocean. Like a diver. Yeah. Like what is that? Is that bullshit? I don't know. It's kind of blurry. Like I wish it was clean, but it was miles away and they're, you know, using infrared footage at night or whatever their night vision at night. Who knows? Who fucking knows? The problem is I want it to be aliens. That's the problem. So I'm like, bro, there's so much evidence now. And you can talk to people like Michio Kaku, who's this physicist, this brilliant guy, and he's saying that there's more evidence that they exist than now it's up to the people

that don't think they exist to try to prove it wrong because there's so much visual evidence, tracking evidence, tracking data. But I'm always like, what if they've been working on some stuff? What if they were just scooping up top scientists and fucking they've got some sort of plan for some different propulsion system and it's operable and they've been working on it for decades in secret? What if that's the case? That seems like it could be the case. But if the technology is that advanced, where did you get it?

Well, I get you're smart enough to come up with certain things. People did research on gravity drives. And there's papers that were written on the possibility of manipulating gravity. I just don't think there was ever a power source that was figured out. You'd have to generate some fucking insane amount of power to be able to manipulate gravity. But I think they theorized it a long time ago. So if you just threw all the best scientists and all the money that you could possibly fucking steal from the taxpayers and you funneled it off into this program that's making a UFO, maybe they could do it. I don't know.

I mean, I'm not in that world, you know? You know, that's like, if someone said to you, imagine there's a guy out there. Nobody's ever heard of him. He's never done stand-up before, but he's been practicing. And he writes comedy every day, and he practices in front of the mirror, and

one day he's going to go on stage, and he's going to be the best comic that's ever lived. You'd be like, no. That's not possible. He's not going to be able to just go on stage the's going to be the best comic that's ever lived. You'd be like, no, that's not possible. He's not going to be able to just go on stage the first time and be the best comic that's ever lived. It's literally not possible. So maybe the things that I'm saying about physics and these physicists developing this gravity drive without anybody knowing, maybe that's not possible because maybe that's not my world. But you're looking at it through the eyes of a comic who understands timing and and you have to you know trial and error and then you know right when they would

look at physics that way they would understand what they're you know they would say no no you can't just you can't you can't violate the laws of physics with a select group of people that stay quiet and don't tell people about it and come up with some insane new method of propulsion you know these things they've tracked them they go from 50 000 feet above sea level to 50 feet And don't tell people about it. And come up with some insane new method of propulsion. You know, these things, they've tracked them. They go from 50,000 feet above sea level to 50 feet in like a second. They have no idea how it's doing it. No heat signature.

The things are blocking their tracking devices, like whatever radar systems they're using. Which is like technically supposedly an act of war. Like it's shit man and they don't know what it is they think it was interacting with some base in the water and the guy who saw it was on the podcast commander david fravor and it's a crazy story because he was with another fighter jet they all saw it multiple people saw it they filmed it they have all the tracking data that shows this insane rate of speed that it went at. They don't know what the fuck that is. Man. You know, and also when you say the laws of physics, maybe the laws of physics don't apply to wherever that technology came from.

Right. It's very different. Or also, maybe we just don't understand all the laws of physics. Maybe it's malleable. And that's like this idea of a gravity drive. understand all the laws of physics maybe it's malleable and that's like this idea of a gravity drive like that maybe you can instead of traveling through space you can literally fold space to you and then and then instantaneously appear like a portal yeah like some sort of like they've described it in the movie

event horizon that you would essentially a piece of paper you would fold the two pieces of time together and punch a hole through both of them And wind up on the other side when it flattens out Okay, that's deep okay, maybe Maybe all right. What's in the tupperware, but I think that yeah now you're ready to meet the devil I think maybe if if aliens are real I think we'd be interesting You know I certainly think they'd come here. And maybe they've always been coming here. I really don't know.

I don't know, but I want it. I want it to be real. And that's my problem. My problem is I'm a true believer. So I want it to be real. So I always have to go, I don't know. But I try to do that with everything. I try to do that with everything.

I'm like, man, I don't know. Something smells funny. I don't want to be that guy who's calling bullshit when it's not bullshit. So I have to be careful. I've got to at it and just let it let it operate for a while watch it behave and so the more i watch this ufo thing operate the more i get skeptical i'm like it just seems too like a psyop it seems too it's too much of it just seems like fucking fabricated you know like even the stories about finding them in an archaeological dig and are you sure are you sure that's what happened you know is this the narrative they're telling you why would they tell the truth

why would they tell the truth if they had some fucking crazy object they've been working on, and maybe the scientist that really knew how to work it was dead, and so now you've got new guys you're bringing in to try to, like, back-engineer his work. But maybe that's what they do. Like, who fucking knows, man? Who knows? But I know the UFO story is the most fun.

The alien story is the most fun. That's the one I'm most interested in. Yeah, every night, man. It's like, okay. Have you seen Moment of Contact? No. Ooh, you need to watch that. Moment of Contact.

Yeah. It's a documentary about a UFO crash in Brazil, in Varginha, Brazil, in 1996. And the whole town saw it. All these witnesses in the town saw the things, saw the things in the sky, and one of them, it was a lightning storm, like a terrible lightning storm, and one of them crashed.

And these people found whatever the thing was and two bodies, and one of them was alive. And they picked the one that was injured and they took it in a car to several different hospitals. This is all documented that they took this body. And the guy who was carrying the body died of a serious bacterial infection that they could not cure. They didn't know what the fuck it was. Young, healthy guy, the guy handling the alien body.

He died within like two weeks. They didn't know what the fuck. There's all this documentation on the disease, the progression of the disease, how they couldn't stop it. They didn't know what the fuck. There's all this documentation on the disease, the progression of the disease, how they couldn't stop it. They didn't know what it was. Some crazy bacterial infection that he got. And they think he got it from that alien. Is that true? I don't know.

I wasn't there. But goddamn, I want it to be true. Now, this is a documentary? Yeah, it's a great documentary. Oh. It's on Netflix. Or it's on Apple. I think it's on everything.

Is it on everything? Moment of contact. It's definitely, I think it's on Apple TV. It's on Netflix. Or it's on Apple. I think it's on everything. Is it on everything? Moment of contact. It's definitely, I think it's on Apple TV. It's fucking great. What kind of footage did they have? Well, they don't have any footage. That's the problem. They have eyewitness accounts.

They know that the U.S. Air Force landed one of their large cargo jets in Brazil in Virginia and supposedly left with the wreckage but they know that they came in they were called in definitely on Amazon to rent or buy yeah so it's on iTunes also it's a few places that's a fun where you could find it for free but what's crazy is they bring this cop back to the spot where the crash was where they first saw the crash and the guy hadn't been there in forever and the dude just starts crying he just starts weeping and i'm like if this guy if this if this guy is an actor he needs a fucking academy award get him get him on get him on the moment like this moment where he's overwhelmed where he's talking about the experience

of seeing this thing there and knowing that it's from somewhere else and seeing these things, these little tiny things with big eyes staring at him. And these girls, these three girls that were, like, very young at the time, they were sisters, and they were playing outside, and they saw this thing, and they said the thing was, like, trying to communicate with them, telling them to help it. And they were freaked out, and they all had the exact same story. Everybody who saw them said the exact same thing, what they they looked like like these weird things with tiny things with big eyes i don't know if it's true man but i want it to be true that's the problem i want it all to be true

that guy's passion though the way he tells the story you could tell either like you said he's either a great actor or yeah or he's reliving it i'm god i'm maybe it's a mass psychosis maybe they're all on mushrooms maybe or maybe he's telling the truth which would be fucking insane and if there are really are things if there really are things that can visit us and the thing the question would always be like would they how their vehicles would crash when they be past crashing now? Wouldn't they be beyond that in technology? Not necessarily, because here's the thing. If you think about where the technological

level that human beings are at right now, like in a first world country, and then you go to the Amazon and you have the indigenous hunter-gatherer tribes who still live the old way, they're there too at the same time in 2023. so just because there's aliens out there it doesn't mean they're all the same level of advancement there might be an alien out there that's a thousand years ahead of us just a thousand

and every now and then they get hit by lightning just like everybody does you can't predict it and they make their way through and they might have landed they might have port ported back to wherever the fuck the lightning storm was and didn't understand it was going to happen. And got fucked up and crash landed in a backyard in Brazil. Might have happened. What always gets me is that the technology on spacecraft never matches the body. Like it's always something that's like all these different, like right now there's that video that they're showing something in the backyard that's hiding.

And this thing looks, it almost looks ape-like. So there's nothing that, you know, it's not wearing anything. I don't know about that video. What is this video? What I'm saying, you know what I'm talking about, right?

I know what you're talking about. It's fake as fuck, right? They were saying it was the UFO from the Vegas thing. They were saying it's the Vegas thing. They just took the, and I'm in one audio and put it over top of another video and uh you never see the the body or whatever match

whatever the technology is as far as the craft well the most compelling story does and that's the bob lazar story and bob lazar is a guy who is a propulsions expert. He says he was hired to work in Vegas back engineering in Nevada, in the desert area, S4, where they were back engineering an alien craft. And he said it was designed for tiny things, like something that was like three feet tall. You had to crouch inside of it.

And he said everything was impossibly smooth. Like it was like melted wax. Like there was no seams. The way it was constructed, whatever the metal was, was some... It looked like it was one melted wax like there was no seams there was no the way it was constructed whatever the metal was was it looked like it was one piece yes and it was some metal they just do not they did not understand it and they had a reactor and then this reactor created some sort of an anti-gravity wave that allowed this thing to move and this reactor was based on an element that wasn't on the periodic table yet, element 115.

And these people, these beings, supposedly have a stable version of this element. And in this reactor, it allows them to violate all of our understanding of propulsion systems and use some sort of gravity-based propulsion. I want to believe it. That's the problem. Sounds awesome. I want to believe all of it. I don't even want to question it for a second. I don't want it. That's the problem. Sounds awesome. I want to believe all of it. I don't even want to question it for a second. I don't want to believe there's any lies. Oh yeah, that looks fake as fuck.

I still know where it's from. It's got to be from somewhere. What is that? That looks so weird, dude. Like a monkey, right? Yeah, that looks like some sort of a Bigfoot. Like a primate. It said it's eight feet tall. Bigfoot from space, bro. Maybe that's it yeah so what is it are they are they small little martians or are they like big giant you know avatar looking things supposedly there's two different kinds

what they call the grays the greens the yeah they call them the grays and the tall whites and the tall whites almost look scandin. They have like white hair and they have their ears are like flat against their head and their eyes are like twice as large as ours. But why am I saying that? I don't know what the fuck I'm saying. Somebody said it. So I repeated it. Right. You know, the problem is then you start looking for that. So say if you're tripping on mushrooms, you might manifest like a gray talking to you because you know like from close encounters the third kind you expect that's what the alien is going to look like so maybe it shows itself to you in that form because that's how you can handle it what do you call what's the other one the the

shape shifters and then there's the men in black right they come busy and fucking erase your brain what are you doing? Oh. I thought you were fucking... Yeah, I was waiting. I was like, oh, he's going to pull something cool up right now. The way you lean back, I thought you were going to bring up something. I was like, here it comes.

I was just chilling. I was scratching my head. Oh, okay. I erased his brain. Yeah. I think we were both like, ah. I hope aliens are real. I really do.

And I hope that... The fairy tale is that they're going to protect us from blowing ourselves up. That's the fairy tale. That would be the best case scenario, that what they're doing here is that they're here to monitor our nuclear power and our nuclear weapons and make sure we don't launch them at each other. Because that's when they first start showing up. All the stories about UFOs really kicked in after hiroshima and nagasaki that's when it was like ufos were hovering over the white house and you ever see those pictures no yeah there's like an ancient photo of ufos over the white house like you can see like a

few flying saucers that they photographed in the sky flying over the White House. Of course it's grainy, but it's like 1952. Is it two? 51, 52? That story is, but there is a video from not too long ago where people think that was happening again. Do you have the photos from the old one, though, the original one? When is this one from? Oh, that's totally fake.

This is 2011. That's from 2011. On some video that I think was on C-SPAN or something. Something was going on back there. It could be spotlights. We have to see the video. Are they saying it was UFOs? UFO response or White House response to UFO request.

I don't remember that from 2011. Do you? Sort of. What does it say? I don't remember that from 2011. Do you? Sort of. What does it say?

I've seen a few videos where people are watching these long, you know, big B-roll footage of, like, skylines. And people are like, look at that fly by this building. And this is from NBC? MSNBC? Probably not going to play because it's so long. Let me find another one. Sorry. That's okay. Yeah.

But then also, too, how would they know to fly over that? Like, that's the yeah but then also too how would they know to fly over that that's the photo from the 1952s that's fake obviously that's a drawing I know but how

what is that in the left hand corner not that no I don't know that they would have had a photo of this the story was in the paper for sure

oh so maybe they didn't have any photos yeah someone would have been taking a picture at night in front of the White House. Right.

You're probably right. It's so hard today with all these fake images. AI is scary. I remember I'm in Reddit here. This is deep Reddit stuff. This isn't the best place to take... Okay.

So that's the photo, supposedly. 1952. Oh, there it is. Huh. But that looks like reflection and that could be a lot of things. Yeah, it could be a lot of things. It could be birds, but it looks big. Alright. They look kind of big. They look like cars in the sky. Bigger than cars.

Don't they? I mean, they're behind the tower, right? Don't know where the person was taking the photo. Yeah, also, how do I know that's real? Is that verified? Yeah, it could be dust in the print when they were making it even. People fuck with pictures so much, man. Look, there's a little scratch up in the corner up there.

What is that? Above your cursor. I know, I know. Look at that. That's another UFO. That's a guy. It's a skyfish. Yeah, it's Aquaman. Guy spilled coffee on the negative. I know, I know. Look at that. That's another UFO. That's a guy. It's a skyfish. Yeah, it's Aquaman.

Guy spilled coffee on the negative. I want it to be real. That's the real problem. Don't you? You know what? I believe it. I don't know that I want it to be real because part of me is like,

I think that they would look at us like we're an ant farm. Well, maybe. You know, or like whenever you see, you know, primates and they're teaching them sign language or they teach them how to do certain things and it's like okay maybe you know they're teaching us how to do certain things just to see what we do you know what i mean it's like maybe that the the level of intelligence that you know we have a certain understanding and we can only

unlock so much but who knows what level you you know, whatever else out there is that. And maybe it's like, yeah, let's do it here. Let's teach them how to make how to make a, you know, be able to talk to each other. Let's teach them how to do this. Maybe for to study. You never know. Could be. I would guess that we're figuring that out on our own, but that they, if I was an alien life form,

I would watch us and I would say, let's just make sure they don't fuck anything up. Like they seem to be on a path. The path is technological progression. Everything keeps getting better and faster and computers and electric cars and airplanes are faster and everything's far better

and computers is far more power. At a certain point in time, I bet every civilization goes through that. If they get to be, if aliens are real, if they really get to be super sophisticated where they can travel through the cosmos, I bet they all get to that point

where they're learning how to be civilized at the same time they're learning insane technology. And then the people that get access to the insane technology are still barbaric and they still want to use it to fucking nuke countries and shit like this is probably a balancing act there that gets achieved by every civilization and it's probably pretty precarious like right now like in the state where we're at now it might probably like getting close to the reset precarious like this this could be like the Ukraine thing. They're actually shooting giant metal pipes at each other.

Boom, boom. Like this is actually happening. So if I was an alien life form and I realized that this is a nuclear superpower that's engaging in this, I'd be like, hold the fuck on, guys. Let me break the kids up. Hey, relax. But also, if I was a government and I wanted a lot of people about some shit that I had. I'd start putting all these UFO stories out there.

That way you could scare the shit out of them. If they found out there was an alien invasion, the only way to stop it was to shut down the Internet. And give the controls of the Internet to the president where they could limit it to a certain amount of time during the day. Yeah. Because the aliens. Can time during the day. Yeah. Because the aliens. Can't let the aliens take over. Come on. I've always said, too, like, you know, I don't think they'll.

We'll go back to the, you know, stay home mask situation unless we get to a point where it had to be the next level. It couldn't just be an illness. It couldn't be a virus or disease. It would have to actually be, you know, aliens are here. People know the playbook now for that one. They don't know the alien playbook. So if an alien invasion or a fake alien invasion happens, look, we know what happens when people get freaked out.

That's the war of the worlds. It's going to be the Orson Welles thing. I mean, that's wild. Like they announced at the beginning of that broadcast what it was. But a lot of people tuned of the worlds. It's going to be the Orson Welles thing. Orson Welles thing. I mean, that's wild. Like, they announced at the beginning of that broadcast what it was. But a lot of people tuned in the middle. Those motherfuckers thought the aliens were there. Can you imagine that? Like, you're just home and all of a sudden you turn that on.

I think people killed themselves. Was there any suicide that was attached to the Or the Orson? I think we've gone over this before. And I think there was at least one suicide that someone was so scared that the Martians were coming, that they killed themselves. Oh man, bro. Yeah. Like that's what happens when people freak out. And if they freak out over a virus, imagine how they're going to freak out about aliens. And what if they're aliens that are harvesting human souls or something fucking demonic and wild like that? I'll never get my soul.

You never? No, I'm saying like people are saying, they'll never get my soul. There's a PBS article that is counter to this story we've heard for a while. It did a little bit of research on it, and it says that not only did very few people hear the actual broadcast, virtually no one thought

it was real. Really? But wait a minute, why was that like a cultural narrative for so long? I could finish reading the article. Maybe it's, who's saying this? There's a couple different researchers who have looked up the stuff. I don't know. This is what this article says.

Memory and media have an incredibly complex relationship. Well, that is true. Could be maybe because some headlines were posted that just said that and that's what everyone took as being the reality. Right. Which they definitely did a lot. Well, that's Reefer Madness. They definitely did a lot of that back then.

They lied about a lot of shit back then. Also, whoever, maybe the newspaper and the radio station were in cahoots. Yeah, that's true, right? And even today, to this day, they use sensationalist headlines. So maybe they did that, like telling people that everybody believed it, and then the story spread. That kind of makes sense. This is from surveys done immediately after the program.

The problem with that is, I didn't believe it at all. I'm too smart for that fucking radio. So there's probably a bunch of people that got duped. But putting stuff out there like that back then, do you think people were more likely to believe it back then because it was so like, oh, shoot. Yeah, they didn't have the internet. They didn't have Twitter.

They couldn't just go, what the fuck is this? And someone would go, actually, we checked. This is what it is. Now you know. Back then, you have no idea. There was like, what are you going to say? You read the newspaper. The newspaper is the truth. That's it. now you know you know back then you have no idea there was like what are you gonna say you you read the newspaper the newspaper is the truth that's it that's all you get so they could that's why everybody was so scared of weed because william randolph hearst

conspired with harry anslinger to make marijuana demonized and they put it in the newspapers yeah the insanity it what did they say it makes you do? Oh, my God. It made you do everything. Me for Madness. It's an amazingly stupid movie. This guy's smoking pot, just fucking throwing people out of windows. Yeah.

That's closer to blow. Yeah. Yeah. Or angel dust. Psalm PCP, something else. Something else will make you do that. But weed, nah, not so much. But listen, brother, I'm glad we got to do this. Let's do it again. I'm glad you're at the club. something PCP something else yeah something else will make you do that but weed nah not so much but listen brother

I'm glad we got to do this let's do it again I'm glad you're at the club I'm fucking super pumped to have you there this weekend two shows tonight and tomorrow night are you doing Sunday as well?

the whole weekend the whole weekend the whole fucking weekend beautiful alright man glad we did it thank you this is awesome

I'm like come on how come I haven't done this show sooner I love conspiracy theories and talking about drugs and comedy. This is awesome. Let's do it again, brother. Let's do it again.

Finally got to do it. Yes, me too. Thank you very much. Thank you. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye.