The Joe Rogan Experience - #2006 - Brian Simpson

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Brian Simpson is a stand-up comic who hosts the "Bottom of the Barrel" improvised comedy show at the Comedy Mothership and his own podcast, "BS with Brian Simpson." https://www.briansimpsoncomedy.com/

the Joe Rogan experience hell yeah what's up Joe glad to be back can I plug my dates yeah I forget yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna be in Denver at comedy works on July 13th through the 15th and Levity Live in West Nyack, New York on July 20th through the 22nd. Get those tickets on bryansimpsoncomedy.com. Nice.

Listen to the podcast, BS with Bryan Simpson. It's pretty good. It's very good. Yeah. You enjoy doing it? I love it, man. I love it. I feel like you need something outside of comedy.

Like when you start doing it for money, you know, you have to do something else so you're not just doing comedy, you know? Yeah. It also helps your brain just because you're talking about stuff and thinking about stuff. Yeah, yeah. Because it's subjects. Yeah, and I'm getting better at it, too. Just having to find your own energy every week or whatever. I just like having something to do.

Yeah. No, it's great. It's fun. I think the best tool for comics is the one-person podcast, which you do too. It's like where one person gets to rant about things. You have guests on, but sometimes you just rant about things. Right, yeah. I think that is like where Burr comes up with a lot of his material.

That's where Tim Dillon comes up with a lot of his material. Oh, yeah. It's like an extra superpower. A lot of mine from regret. Like, I'll say something, because what I do is I have my producer finds these articles, and I never read them. And he gives me the gist of it, and I just react. And sometimes I'm like, oh, why did you say that?

Right. When I heard about the submarine people, the first thing I said was, what kind of stupid, you know? Yeah. But I forget, like, I got empathy for the people still. I do too. You know, they're dumb as fuck, but being trapped in a box is, that's one of the worst ways to

go. And they haven't found them yet, but they're hearing banging now. Yeah, and the, and what does that mean? I mean, they have 30 hours, less than 30 hours now, just to, before they run out of air. Yeah, I think they're dead.

I think they're already gone. Well, if there's banging, if someone's banging. As of Tuesday afternoon, they had 40 to 41 hours. That was 24 hours ago now. Oh, Jesus Christ. As of recording. So they got like 20 hours. Yeah, like everybody that's still alive is really sleepy right now. Jesus Christ. 5 or 6 a.m. Thursday. Eastern Standard Time is when sleepy right now. Jesus Christ.

5 or 6 a.m. Thursday, Eastern Standard Time. Oh, my God. Tomorrow morning. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Well, that's if they're all still alive. True. Right?

Right. I think somebody on there might have made a heroic sacrifice or something. What does that do for anybody? It leaves the air for one person to breathe. Do you think someone killed someone so they have more air? I think somebody might have killed themselves so everybody else had more air. How are you going to kill yourself in front of everybody

on a little tiny submarine smaller than this room? Just have somebody choke you out. You know how much energy it would take to choke someone out? I'd rather just sit still. One of them down there with their son. Can you imagine being on there with your child? You're like, baby, look, daddy showed you how to do. I showed you how to do the rear naked.

Oh, my God. Finish me off. Live for the rest of us. Oh, my God. I don't think that anybody's going to do that. I think they're just going to assume they're all going to die together. Yeah? Yeah.

If they die together. I think they're just going to assume they're all going to die together. Yeah? Yeah. If they die together. I mean, I don't know. I have no idea, like, what ability they have to pull that thing up. Yeah. Oh, can you imagine what's on the cell phones? Like these hours now. Like, they still had hope yesterday, probably. Oh, my God.

But, like, right now, can you imagine? Oh, my God. Or being the guy that forgot your charger? Well, the crazy thing is Jamie pointed this out yesterday, and there's lawsuits apparently. Did you point it out? No, you didn't tell me. Someone told me in the green room. I did.

It was you? About the window? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was you. Yeah. Oh, my God. So tell people.

Yeah. Someone yesterday, I read that there was a lawsuit in 2018. A whistleblower was trying to report that the window, the glass wasn't rated for that depth. Yeah. And they fired him, apparently. I'll send it to you, Jamie. Yeah, you send it to me on Twitter. Oh, you found it?

Okay. Yeah, you sent it to me on Twitter. Oh, you found it? Okay. OceanGate was warned of potential for catastrophic problems with Titanic mission. January 2018, the company's engineering team was about to hand over the craft. Named Titan to the crew would be responsible for ensuring the safety of its future passengers. But the experts inside and outside the company were beginning to sound alarms. OceanGate's director of marine operations, David Lockridge, started working on a report around the time,

according to court documents, ultimately producing a scathing document to which he said the craft needed more testing and stressed the potential dangers of the passengers of the Titan as the submersible reached extreme depths. Two months later, OceanGate faced similar dire calls from more than three dozen people, industry leaders, deep sea explorers, and oceanographers who warned in a letter to its chief executive, Stockton Rush, that the company's experimental approach and its decision to forego a traditional assessment could lead to potentially catastrophic problems with the Titanic mission. So apparently they've done it a hundred times.

Yeah, that's not enough. Yeah, they've done it a hundred times. Imagine being number 99 and you hear about this. Yeah, you know, and I read too this morning, some reporter was on one. He was on the boat last year and it got lost for like five hours, the submersible. Oh. And he didn't say anything. Oh, my God.

It says, Mr. Lockridge reported learning that the viewport that lets the passengers see outside the craft was only certified to work at depths of up to 1,300 meters. That is far less than would be necessary for trips to the Titanic, which is nearly 4,000 meters below the ocean surface. The paying passengers would not be aware and would not be informed of this experimental design. Lawyers for Mr. Lockridge wrote in court filings the meeting led Ocean Gate to fire Mr. Lockridge. Wow. According to court documents filed by both sides, Ocean Gate has said in court records that he was not an engineer, that he refused to accept information for the company's engineering team, and that the acoustic monitoring of the hull's strength was better than the kind of testing that Mr. Lockridge felt necessary.

The company sentenced the lawsuit that it appeared Mr. Lockridge was trying to be fired. Mr. Lockridge responded by alleging wrongful termination. Legal battle ended in a settlement later in 2018. So it seems like it was him, but two dozen other people? A separate warning came from- 38 experts. Yeah, received the same year from 38 experts in the submersible craft industry. All of them were members of the Manned Underwater Vehicles Committee of the Marine Technology Society, a 60-year-old industry group that promotes studies and teaches the public about ocean technology. The experts wrote in their letter to Mr. Rush that they had unanimous concern about the way the Titan was developed and about the planned missions to the Titanic wreckage.

Look at this shit. The letter said that OceanGate's marketing of the Titan had been at minimum misleading because it claimed that the submersible would meet or exceed the safety standards of a risk assessment company known as DNV, even though the company had no plans to have the crab formally certified by the agency. Oh, God. People are gross. Money.

It's always money. It's always money. It's always money. It's money and hubris. Man, it's weird because for some people, there's no such thing as enough money. Yeah. And I don't understand that. I don't understand it either.

If I go the rest of my life making the money I'm making right now, I'd be great. Yeah, I got enough money. I got enough money where I don't make decisions based on that. You know what Brian Callen told me once? It's a great quote. He said, once you have enough money to go to a restaurant and not worry about what food costs, because everything else is bullshit. Right.

Yeah, just about that. You just go to dinner and not think about it, not worry. What was that old saying? It was like $70,000. Once you pass $70,000, more money doesn't make you happy. I mean, that was years ago. It's probably like $85,000 now. Right.

But it was like, once you pass that, once you're up around there where you can just buy a good meal and not think about it. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I don't make decisions where that's the number one factor. Where it's like, oh, you could make $10,000 and do a good job. Or you could make $100,000 and betray your two closest friends. It's like, I think I'll just take the 10. Yeah. I don't need 90,000. You know what I mean? But they don't think, I think I'll just take the 10. I don't need $90,000.

You know what I mean? But they don't think about the guilt that would come with the betrayal. It's like, imagine bringing your son down there. Imagine the arrogance. Oh, well, that guy, I think the guy with his son, is that the same guy that flew in Jeff Bezos' rocket ship? I'm not sure. This dude's a risk taker.

I think that's the guy that owns the whole. Oh, God. I think he owns the guy that owns the whole. Oh, God. I think he owns the ship, not the submersible company. Dude, that is so terrifying. But didn't James Cameron do that? Yeah, James Cameron went down there before he filmed Titanic. I think he went solo. But he was in control of the craft.

I don't think somebody was controlling him from somewhere else. See if you have footage of that. James Cameron's a wild motherfucker. Yeah. He's a wild dude. I mean, just to be him and decide to do that because you're filming the Titanic. Oh, no, I think that was, he was filming Avatar, right? He was filming a documentary.

On the Titanic. On, yeah,'m like how what it's like to even do deep-sea challenges what was called 3d trailer yes as well they went I think they went to the bottom of the ocean far is that that's there's another video I was pulling up have you seen that like that it's an animation of how deep the ocean gets and it shows you how compared to a bunch of stuff on land, how, and then like how far the minimum depths are and then the maximum depths.

So he went to the maximum, like Mariana trash. It's more than twice as far down as the Titanic is. Oh my God. And now don't they think there's a deeper plot? Yeah. I think they found some other spots. I think are deeper.

Challenge, challenger deep. Why am I thinking about that? They might've done this live, I think, too. Oh, my God. No, Challenger Deep is an area in the Mariana Trench. Just imagine relying on all that equipment

to continue to work properly. It also looks like they maybe not, whereas this current submarine didn't have any sort of tethering to it. His did? He might have, but I don't know, actually. Yeah, but you know what's wild to me, though, is

you know how one of the conspiracies about the moon landing is that they really got Stanley Kubrick to film it? It's like, we have a fucking director here claiming that he went to the bottom of the ocean, and no one suspects that he made it all up.

Yeah, right? Yeah, how we know he fucking really went down there? Right. Yeah. No kidding. How many people were there? Right. Who's the witness?

All we got is footage of him inside that thing moving around. Yeah, and that's from the 90s. It was probably cheaper to fake it. No, that's new. That's pretty new. I think it's like 2010 or 11. Yeah, it's less than 10 years old. Oh, so he didn't do that for the Titanic? No. No, I think he did it for Avatar.

Because, you know, Avatar 2, a lot of it is water. Yeah. Apparently, it's like one of the most expensive movies to film ever. It was a great movie. They just pushed back. Fuck yeah, it was great. The next three got pushed back. The last one's coming out now in 2031. Jesus Christ. And the main girl's like, I'll be like 50

when I shot this, the first one at like,'ll be like 50 when I I shot this the first one when I was like I was 20 something yeah but all you're doing is making faces yeah yeah you'll be alright

but if you get like in a role like that where you have to come back again and again and again like it's a little bit

of a velvet prison for a lot of those guys yeah and I imagine they want to do other stuff yeah but it's also

you want that security. Well, I think that's why they, is that why they killed off Batman? I mean, Iron Man in the Avengers? Was Robert Downey Jr. like, enough already? No. They have a giant, giant, giant story plan that's going on that's way bigger. They're on phase five now or something wild with that. They're allowed to do weird shit now because of the multiverse.

They can just go back in time and reset things. That happened in D.C. Brought in the multiverse, too. That's why Michael Keaton came back. There's so much leeway from the fans. A Marvel movie just has to be better than okay. And people are like, right. Yeah.

Yeah. Because the end, because we know at the end what's gonna happen because the people like the in the comics they go way harder than they do in the oh yeah like if hbo had bought the rights to marvel right it would be would it be some dark shit yeah yeah in the in the comics so you watch do you watch did you watch any of the movies the marvel movie yeah i've watched a few of them so Most of them. In the movies, Thanos' motivation is he wants balance in the universe. So he wants to find the Infinity Stones so he can snap away half the people so there's more resources for the people left. Right.

That's a stupid fucking reason. In the comics, what happened is from a little kid, Thanos was like, he was a freak, like a mutant. He looked like that. And people treated him like shit. And his only friend was Mistress Death. She would she would visit him like death was her realm like that was really she was in charge of all dead shit oh wow and something happened and she fucking hates him like he's banned from her realm right he's in love with her she he's banned from her that's why he can't die oh my god and he's trying to impress her by sending her more souls

so he wants to so he can snap her, snap it away. So the movie ends, the movie would have ended in a completely different way. He ended up having like, he created a platform for her

and a throne so she could watch when he snapped away the rest of the universe. And all of the fucking Avengers and everybody showed up to fight this motherfucker. It was an epic battle

and when it happened to his daughter,. It was an epic battle and when it happened to his daughter, you know the robot that betrayed him? Her punishment was like, she was just stuck standing still. I forget it. He did something horrible to her, but she was just stuck like a slave standing still. And every superhero in the universe is fighting this

Thanos, trying to get that gauntlet off before he snaps. And the robot bitch who he, the last person he saw coming, she like used her last bit of willpower and snapped out of it for a second and snatched the glove off. The comic books went hard, man. I wonder why they took that plot line away, because that's a great plot line. He's in love with death. Bro, there's this dude on YouTube called Comics Explained.

He's the biggest, like, I didn't read any of that. He does these videos where he just walks you through the whole story. You know, some of them

four, five, six hours long. He goes through the whole issues and tells you the whole shit so you don't have to,

and I was like, I watch this motherfucker all the time. He walked me through that whole shit. I was like, oh, this is way better

than the movies oh that's interesting yeah but I think it would've just taken them longer cause they they gotta make they have to make the movies

for people that don't read the comics right so they can't always do everything that's in there but that sounds better though it's way better

how much they have we're halfway through four now I think on here of everything they've made and then they have all the stuff that're halfway through four now, I think, on here of everything they've made. And then they have all the stuff that's coming out. There's a bunch of stuff

on the way, too. Yeah, there's two new Giant Avengers World movies coming. No, we in phase five now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're here. We're like, isn't that crazy, though?

Oh, Blade? There's a Blade coming out later this year. Daredevil, I've seen X-Men. Yeah, there's X-Men supposedly supposed to be coming out at some point. They're bringing them back into the fold. Wow. Oh, I've seen X-Men. Yeah, there's X-Men supposedly supposed to be coming out. At some point, they're bringing them back into the fold. Wow.

Oh, Captain America, New World Order? They just got the rights to Hulk back, so I'm expecting another Hulk movie to get announced. But Mark Ruffalo's not going to be the Hulk again, right? I don't know. I think there's going to be a new Hulk. Depends if they... I think Mark Ruffalo is busy being a political activist or something. They could take the rights to his face and put somebody else in there.

Oh, God. Deep faked Hulk. He's out there like, Hulk, recycle. They can kind of do anything with CGI now. Bruce Willis gave up all the rights. He sold all the rights to his voice because he has, I think it's called aphasia. He's got a serious neurological condition. Something's really wrong with him.

he's got a serious neurological condition something's really wrong with him and so he gave up the rights to ai using deep fakes of him for ads and for a bunch of other things he sold that wow for how much i don't know it's a good question i mean that's worth it if you can't talk no more well if you know that it's over and you're never going to work again yeah way to get the bag you're just trying to stay alive i mean he's just trying to stay alive. I mean, he's just trying to stay alive. It's bad. There was a video of him with his family. I think they were celebrating a birthday. And you could see him struggling.

It's so sad. Just for clarity, I just looked up an article. There's a report that he actually did not sell his rights. Oh. But it's very confusing. It says actor denies selling rights. Oh. But they did. It's very confusing. It says actor denies selling rights to AI company for digital twin. But there was also articles that said he did it. Right.

No, that's 100%. I'm looking up. It says that he did it, but there's one that's counter to that that says he did not. And then, like, the quote is something like, you can't. The wording about rights is wrong. Bruce couldn't sell anyone rights. They are his by default. Anyone, any rights, they're his by default.

The deepfake companies use artificial intelligence to create realistic simulations of famous figures. A deepfake of Willis appeared in an advert for a Russian telecoms company last year. In August 2021, Megafon launched an ad campaign with Bruce Willis and requested us to create a digital twin of the star. Oh, interesting. Is this James Earl Jones did something similar? Well, I mean, it makes sense. Especially if you're an old dude and you're done. You don't want to act anymore. Just sell your rights.

I mean, James Earl Jones is going to be making that Star Wars money until he dies. Right. Yeah. And way after. They can just keep using his voice? Just for his voice. Isn't that wild? Man, I'm trying to get that bad.

Oh. Ah. Ha, ha, ha. Oh. Yeah. The money you make when you don't have to do anything is, you know, that's freedom right there. Yes. Yeah.

Yeah, just passive income just keeps floating in for you. I was just talking to somebody else about this. It's like, I think there's people that dream of being rich, but what they really want, the fantasy is really that they can do whatever they want. Yeah. Right? They really dream they want. Yeah. Right? They really dream in a freedom. Yeah. But because we're in a capitalist society, freedom is being rich.

Right? They dream of stuff, too, though. They dream of stuff. Oh, what do you mean? Stuff. Like, if you don't have stuff, you want stuff. Oh, right. Well, that's what I mean.

Being able to buy what you want to buy, being able to do what you want to do. But then there's, like, the Bezos's of the world world where it's like, for them, it's about dominating. It's not about the amount of money. But he seems to have, like he resigned from the company, right? He's not the CEO anymore.

Yeah. And I think he's just balling. That's what I think he's doing. He's just banging that super hot girlfriend of his and traveling around the world in the biggest yacht

that no one's ever built. He's doing all that anti-aging shit. Yeah, he's doing ham. Who's that one billionaire that I was telling you about? He takes blood transfusions from his son. Yes, that guy's weird. Man, but he does look younger.

He looks great. But, I mean, you probably could look that. There's guys that look that good that are his age that just work out all the time. But that's what I don't know because he's doing so many things. I don't know what because he's doing so many things that I don't know what is he going overboard with. Like, he takes like 40 vitamins in the morning

and 40 more in the afternoon. He always sleeps at the same exact time no matter what. That seems tedious. I know. It's like, I'd rather just die sooner.

You know, like I was telling you, I had a headache last night because, you know, all the shit that's going on in the club. Nonsense. There's nothing bad. So then I had a headache last night because, you know, all the shit that's going on in the club. Nonsense. There's nothing bad.

So then I had a hard time going to sleep. And then I got up in the morning and I was foggy as shit. Got in the cold plunge. Like, I know I'm not at optimum today. Yeah. I know it. But, you know, that's life. That's life.

That is life. Suck it up, bitch. Like, is that him and his son? So he looks to me like a normal, fit, 40-year-old guy. Nah, but show a picture of him from, like, five years ago. What, did he look bad? He just didn't. He looks better?

He looks worse, yeah. He looks better now. Well, maybe back then he was working, too. See, that's him right there. See what the, uh. Is he working still? Yeah, go back. Is that not him? Oh, that's him? Right, that's him right there. See what the... Is he working still? Where did you see? Yeah, go back. Is that not him?

Oh, that's him? Right, that's him right there. Oh. Well, also, it looks like he lost weight. He got fitter. Yeah, he went goth. Which makes you healthier. He looks more like a superhero than goth.

Like, what is that strap on his shoulder? What is he doing? Is that a bulletproof vest? Is that guy a superhero? What is that outfit? Imagine wearing that outfit. If you showed up at the mothership

with that outfit, everybody would be like, Brian Simpson, what the fuck are you smoking? Tony might rock that. Tony would rock that with a big belt buckle. No, but I bet you

it's probably something that lets a certain frequency of light to his nipples that helps him retain vitamin D or some shit. Right, right. What is that stupid shirt, man? That shirt's ridiculous's ridiculous yeah he's got them zero shoes on yeah yeah it's oh he's doing all the face stuff too see that's another thing that they can do they do this face thing oh jesus what

happened to his face i think he's just got cold oh that's a different guy he said i tried yeah but what is he doing right there? It says 45-year-old CEO to the right of that. Yeah. So what is he doing? Okay. So there's a thing that they do where they put these micro needles all over your face, and then they rub stem cells in your face.

I know a few people that have had that done. But now imagine the son doing this from 18. You know? Yeah. That might be a son doing this from 18. You know? Yeah. That might be a whole different thing. Yeah. So he eats 2,000 calories a day. But he's vegan. Yeah, that's not good. That's a lot of vegetables.

But that's interesting that he would choose that route, the vegan route for longevity. Because there's a lot of, you know, nutritional pitfalls in that. Can you not make up for those? You can. Because like you said, he takes like 50 vitamins.

Yeah, it's possible. It's possible to do. But the most nutrient-dense foods are red meat. That's the most nutrient-dense foods. There's just a lot of weird propaganda. He might switch it up. Well, who knows? I mean, he doesn't look that good there, though.

So that thing again, but it's like for a lot of people on vegan diets it's hard to put mass on i mean he looks okay but he looks like a normal 45 year old guy that's fit and i think that's his dad too see that picture right there in the middle him his him his son and his dad all did the transfusion i'm not sure i like that picture him in the middle like why were you looking at me like that? Imagine if you go over someone's house and the son and the dad and the little kid, they're all posed like this. Come on. What are

you doing? If I went over your house and you were there with two other dudes, I'd be like, hey man, I'm gonna leave. We were embracing? Yeah, I mean, I want you guys to be happy. The one on the right's not as bad as the one on the left. No, the one on the right is normal. Joe, this is how we stay younger, Joe. It's cuddle puddles.

It looks like his dad's not listening. Intergenerational cuddle puddles. That belt buckle is fucking straining. Yeah, well, he's definitely holding it in his stomach. Yeah, on top of that, that guy's not listening. Isn't it funny? The son is on this crazy health kick that dad looks like he's eating meatball subs oh yeah well i think i think he was estranged from the dad and the son

until like recently oh and they got back together for the transfusion oh man that is so hard for people i've met people that like their their kid won't talk to them like oh my god yeah that's wow what happened and then i meet the opposite like last night at the club but it was two, there were two people that, where it was just a dad out with his son. Well, one was out with his son and one was out with his daughter. Yeah. I was like, that's awesome. Beautiful. If you're 50 and your 25-year-old daughter wants to still hang out with you, you did pretty good.

Yes. You know? No, it's beautiful. Hanging out with your kids is awesome. I don't understand. I mean, you know, all sorts of circumstances. Divorce. Parents turn one kid against the other parent.

That's horrible. I've seen that shit happen. That's like when you date manipulative, vindictive people, and they do it to other people, and you don't think they're ever going to do it to you. Guess what? Guess what? You're going to be other people if they don't like you anymore.

You know what, though? While sleeping, Johnson is hooked up to a machine that counts the number of nighttime erections. Oh, wow. This guy's going too hard with data. He also takes daily measurements of his weight, body mass index, body fat, blood glucose levels,

and heart rate variations. I mean, okay. Maybe he has a lucky number. He wakes up. 13! Yes! 13 boners. How many boners do you think you get in a night? I don't know. What's a good number? I didn't know you got them at night. I get them every now and then.

I go to pee and I got to do the lean. But why do you need to measure? Is there a normal amount? Right. Yeah. Oh, man. I don't want to know that much data. I don't want to be worried about stuff like that.

There's so much data. That ain't going to come out with like an apple cock ring that'll measure for you. Five. Five nocturnal erections during an eight-hour sleep cycle, typically, with each erection lasting about 25 minutes. That's about one erection every 90 minutes. Oh, man. Interesting. But that's weird.

Like, why is he measuring? I guess to find out what his testosterone levels are, but wouldn't you be able to do that with blood levels? I don't know. Yeah, man, you can go crazy. I guess just find out what his testosterone levels are, but wouldn't you be able to do that with blood levels? I don't know. Yeah, man, you can go crazy. Like when I had that whoop thing, like if I looked at it, I mean, I still have it. I just haven't been wearing it. But if you look at it and it says you only got like 25% recovery, but you feel good.

You're like, what the fuck is going on? How come I feel good? You know? But that was actually a sign that a lot of people had COVID because they would have an eight-hour sleep and they'd be like four percent recovery like what the fuck is going on like the way you were breathing your body's struggling your body's not doing so good you know yeah i don't know i don't i'm sometimes i i still do the health tracking but sometimes i wonder i just listen to my body for the most part i mean i do measure my heart rate and i do wear a heart rate strap when i do some of my workouts. But like yesterday, there's a couple of people in my family that are sick right now.

Not bad, but enough, you know, that it's like they're sick. And I was working out yesterday. I was like, boy, do I feel like a bitch. Like I just wanted to stop. But I felt strong enough to do it. But it was like this. So I'm riding this line where I don't want to overstress myself and like tax my immune system but i don't want to pussy out of my workout so i gotta feel it along the way while i'm doing it it's like i'm going through a dark room

and i'm just feeling the walls by hand you know yeah see that's you got more discipline than me i would just i would just give in well i have a particular type of mental illness. Like, I need to do physical things. If I don't, my brain doesn't work that good. It's just like, it's too confused. It's riddled with extra energy and data that it doesn't need. It

concentrates on stupid shit. It's not good for me. For me, I need exertion. But when I have exertion, I'm calm and friendly and nice and easygoing and I'm compassionate. And I think about other people, like their problems before I react to things. But when I'm like amped up, like if I haven't worked out for three days, like I'm not good at decisions. You know, because then I'm, you know, you want to say things like shut the fuck up. But when you say shut the fuck up, nobody hears shut the fuck up.

They get mad at you. Like they don't think, oh, I, shut the fuck up. But when you say shut the fuck up, nobody hears shut the fuck up. They get mad at you. Like, they don't think, oh, I should shut the fuck up. Like, it's the most ineffective thing to say unless you're really thinking about violence. Right. And you're letting someone know, if you don't shut the fuck up, I'm going to put you in the hospital. Right. Unless it's that. Yeah.

Unless it's a warning. We were talking about respect the other day. Like, that shit will save your life in a whole bunch of situations. Fuck yeah, respect people. If all else fails, just be respectful. Always. Always be respectful. It's wild now because nowadays it's like, it just seems like a lot of people are comfortable being disrespectful.

It's internet. Yeah, it's kind of crazy, man. Yeah. It's that internet culture. That way of communicating becomes a part of your system. You're used to communicating like that. There's so many people that are so crazy on Twitter. The way they talk to people.

I couldn't imagine talking to someone like that to their face. Just because it's so mean. It's so shitty. It's fighting words to some people. It's also such a pussy move because you know the person's not there. You're saying mean shit to them to hurt their feelings knowing that they're not there and then you keep checking for replies like a sick fuck because well because on top of it it's like but everyone sees this yeah it's more it's more

important for me to get in a good clap back than it is oh yeah right it's like i had a i had an old gym uh one of my gym teachers used to like whenever it got like physical in physical education class, like somebody wanted to fight or whatever. He would let us fight, but he would take you in the closet where we put the mats. And he would be like, well, y'all can fight in here in front of me. But you just can't fight in front of everyone. Oh, wow. And 90% of the time people go in that closet and make up. Yeah.

Yeah, because it's like it's the wanting to save face that makes you not be able to let shit go. It's also, when you get in that closet, you realize it's real. You start looking for a way out of this. And I don't get anything out of it.

No one sees it. So now, how do I benefit from beating you up? We're going to both just leave here and tell people what happened? Right. No one's going to see it. And, you know,

it's also, you're about to get your face punched in. Yeah, but that shit will backfire, though, too. Because some people really want to scrap. But you take them in there and it's a problem. Yeah, they're looking forward to it. I had Mike Perry on the podcast the other day. He's a bare knuckle boxing guy that came over from the UFC.

That dude, like some people pretend to not give a fuck. That dude doesn't give a fuck. He doesn't give a fuck. Better him than me. Thank God there's people like that. Yeah, there's people like that out there, and they're so fucking entertaining to watch them fight. Yeah. And you know what?

As much as I made fun of it when it first came out, the slap league. You like it? I like the highlights. I haven't watched the full match, but some of the people in there are characters, man. Yeah, for sure. If you're going to get slapped in the face for a living Probably be a character Yeah

It's it's designed for those clips. I think perfect I think Dana needs to spring off they need to have a they need to have a separate champ for front hand and back hand slaps Oh backhand. Yeah, they need a backhand slap champion If you backhand slap you got to be dressed like a pimp. You got to have some fly velvet suit on, something just beautiful and purple. Instead of a belt, it's just a cape for the champ. Yeah. Yeah.

I like it. Yeah, a cape. Yeah. I like it. Yeah, and a crown maybe too. Big old pimp crown. And a chalice. Big time.

Remember pimp's up, hoes down? Oh, yeah. There was a while where like- They won't air shit like that. They would never air shit like that today. It's horrible exploitation. And they were like celebrating these guys. Yeah.

HBO, listen, we got to give HBO their flowers. Yes. They've made some of the most sensational TV since, I mean, from the time I was a kid. Fuck yeah. Up to now. They got some, they got more, they probably got, their batting average is higher than every other network for sure. Their batting average is sensational. Yeah.

So many good shows. There's more good shows than bad shows on HBO. Just Succession, which just ended. Yeah, Succession was great. Fucking great show. Yeah. Fucking great show. And the ending, holy shit.

Man, you know what? I clapped in my house. I was like, thank you. I feel different about the ending every time I think about it. Well, there's so much there. You're so conflicted because there's no heroes. There's no heroes. They're all fucking losers.

And that's real. That's the real corporate world. Think about the fact that at the end of the day, losing was still them all being rich. Billionaires. Like unbelievably wealthy. Unbelievably wealthy. And they were so, because like I told you, people like that, it's not about the amount of money. They wanted to be CEO.

They all did. And none of them ended up being. And what's the, you know the whole art of war thing where it's like never go beyond victory. So when I first watched it, I was like,

man, fuck Shiv. She'd rather be under Tom who betrayed her than her brother be in charge. But then I thought about it at the end and it's like

the brother fucked up. And I don't know if this was intentional but I like to think it is. You never go beyond winning. He had it one he had it sold up and you stop you don't do too much and when he was he wanted to gloat one last time in the room and you remember he excluded shiv again he was like me me and my brother yeah was able to bring it across the line. That was her one thing. Like, stop excluding me.

I'm smarter than both of y'all. And one last time, and that's when she got up and was like, I got to think about it. Those characters are so perfect. Oh, man. It was a perfect cast, for sure. They're so good. That show was so well casted. So well casted.

And what did Cousin Greg end up getting? Oh, he was just Tom's bitch for the rest of his life. Yes. Forever. God, that dude's evil. That dude's evil. Yeah. And what did Cousin Greg end up getting? Oh, he was just Tom's bitch for the rest of his life. Yes. Forever. God, that dude's evil. That dude's evil. Yeah. Both of them are.

Greg's evil, too. Yeah. He's creepy. Yeah. And he comes off as like this bumbling kid, but he got something to it. Manipulative. Yeah. But he was manipulative from the jump, though.

His granddad tried to talk him out of it. It was like, just be rich and away from these guys. They're not happy. So crazy. None of them are happy. But it's a thing like gambling addicts. Like I was talking to my friend Sean about gambling addicts the other day. Like growing up in pool halls, you know, not growing up, but, you know, being in pool halls when I was younger,

it was my first exposure to real gambling addicts. And it is a sickness that's different than anything that I ever thought it was. It is just like crack. Like these guys, they want that fucking, they just got to be in action. And that's what they call it. They call it action. I got to be in action. They want to be in action.

It's all money is just gambling coupons. Yeah. They love the risk of it. They don't, it's not the winnings or the losings. It's the fucking adrenaline rush and you're watching the game. Did you see Uncut Gems? Oh yeah. Uncut Gems. Once. It's

fucking great. I can't watch it again. It's so anxiety. Because like I knew people like that. I knew people like that. I knew people that blew everything. Blew everything. I watched people blow tons of money. I've seen it.

In pool halls, man, it's like everyone's a junkie. They're all junkies. You got your players who are like, they're addicted to playing, and they're also addicted to winning, and they're addicted to making scores. But then you got the line people, the people that aren't even, they're not playing. They're fucking betting on the side those are the big bets that's the big money sometimes people are playing for twenty five thousand dollars but there's five hundred thousand dollars in the room these are like big money games in the philippines big money games and you know like when when they

get some guy will come over from Europe and match up with somebody, they'll have these three-day tournaments where they're playing for $100,000. But there's so much betting on the side. But has anyone ever just – I wonder if they just sit down and do the math and realize you lose way more than you win. Yeah, but it's the fucking action. You think you win sometimes, you're going to keep winning. You're going to win again. I'm going to get them back.

I mean, that was Uncut Gems. It was always like chasing after that money. That's what they all do, man. It's wild to watch because it was so scary to me. I was nervous about gambling on pool. Like I would only gamble a certain amount. You think it's easy to have a friend with a gambling problem or a drinking problem? I know a lot of good people that have kicked drinking.

I know a lot of really good people that had drinking problems and now they're awesome. Like, look at Dave Attell. He had a drinking problem and he kicked it and became, he was already one of the best comics alive when he was a drinking guy. And then quit and got even better. I mean, and he's amazing. And he's amazing to be around. He's a beautiful person. Everyone loves David Tell.

Yeah, that's true. So it's like that's a guy that had a drinking problem. I know a bunch of people that have had drinking problems. Drinking problems to me is like, it seems like it's more relatable. You want to escape. And it's usually some pain that you're dealing with in your life. Some childhood shit or some failure shit. Something you're avoiding.

Yeah. Or it's a genetic thing. Some people, they just have a genetic propensity to alcoholism. It just runs through their whole family. Dude, I just heard a friend of mine told me about a guy the other day where he has a drinking problem, but he also is an alcoholic. I'm sorry. He's an alcoholic, but he's also allergic to alcohol.

Oh my god. So he would literally drink himself into the hospital like once a week. Oh my god. And I was like, right there, that's bad right there. You gotta recognize that shit is like your arch nemesis. But there's a thing about addictions where

it's like even if you know it's bad for you, you keep getting pulled into it. It's hard to explain that to somebody that's never been addicted to anything. Or at least they think they haven't. Dude, I was getting addicted to those nicotine vapes. But not even physically addictive. This is what's crazy. I could put it away and not use it for a week.

I'd go on vacation. I wouldn't bring one with me. But then when I got one back, I just wanted to suck on it. And here's the thing. Somebody's going to turn out into a beat oh there's so many horrible things you said me and Ari the other day had a conversation about docking you know what dudes take their foreskin and put it over the other dude's dick right and we're like we were arguing over who's winning you know it's like he's and he's like I'm sucking your dick no no I'm fucking your mouth it was like

stupid stupid but I was like my god I was gonna like that around all right oh he's a maniac he's gonna be there tonight oh yeah I can't wait to see him Adrian is there tomorrow pollution yeah yeah I love her yeah she's funny she's funny shit. She's funny as shit. She's on the rise. You know, she's like a new kind of interesting talent. Yeah. Fascinating person. Super fucking smart. She go hard, too.

She goes hard. Yeah. She goes hard on stage. Yeah, but I've never met her personally. Is she going to be there tonight? Yeah, sweetheart. All right. My fan agent.

I don't know if she's here tonight. She'll be here tomorrow. She might come in tonight. But yeah, I got to meet her during the Moondower. She came by. The mothership is so dope. How about Bottom of the Barrel? See, I didn't talk about Bottom of the Barrel at the beginning of the show.

Yeah. But it's so much fucking fun. I look forward to it so much. I was bummed out that I didn't get on stage the second one. But you never know, man. You never know. I've had two premises that I've gotten out of Bottom of the Barrel that became actual bits.

Yeah, every night. And it's a different show every night. It's so fun. It's so silly. Yeah, and the crowds. Now we're starting to get to the point where regular people are coming back and back and back. Yeah, they come back.

It's always different. It's always different. It's always different. And some of the suggestions are hilarious. Yeah, I give out prizes different. It's always different. It's always different and some of the suggestions are hilarious Yeah, I give out prizes for if I get a good one. Yeah, that's all that the fly It's a gun called bug assault they sponsor our show and they give us And the thing is this is one of those places were like they didn't want offered a sponsor I I get I got one and I was like everyone should have one of these

Like I would be their spokesperson if they paid me. Because I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I have a real, my relationship with flies, like, when I was deployed, my first deployment to Iraq, you know, it was when we didn't have shit going on. We just came over the border. And we's camping in this town called Anumaniya. And this had the most fertile soil I've ever seen. just looked nutrient really i could be wrong but we would dig we would dig holes to shit in every day we didn't have any porta potties no you know and uh and somebody you know whoever got in trouble had to bury the holes but anyway these were the biggest

most numerous flies that i've ever seen in my life. I learned that they hibernate. Did you know that? That's probably not the scientific term. But they sleep at night. To the point where I would wake up, the tarp we had, it would be completely covered in flies. Like millions of flies.

And you could scrape them off. They wouldn't move. They wouldn't wake up. We did it every morning. We killed them all. And every morning it was't move. They wouldn't wake up. You could just, and we did it every morning. We killed them all and every morning it was full again. It was that many flies.

Imagine if you didn't kill them. Yeah, and there were so many flies and they were starving. Any chance of moisture. So we would eat these MREs, you know, you ever had an MRE?

Yeah. So you know how you, everybody eats it out of the bag it comes in, right? Right. And so when you open that bag, you had about three seconds to get the food in your mouth. Because it's like they would sense the moisture. And even if you got the bag closed in time, they would pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.

Just anything. If you cried, they were on your tears. They were just starving. Oh, my God. That's why I don't eat outside. You know? Like if there's too many women in the group, they always want to eat outside. I'm good.

I'm not going to come because I already know the cutest girl's going to go, we should get outside. I'm going to be pissed the first time a fly lands on my food. I hate this bitch. You wanted to do this. Right? And so when I discovered a gun that could kill these motherfuckers,

yeah. You know my wife took mine away. Really? when I discovered a gun that could kill these motherfuckers. Yeah. There it is. Did you know my wife took mine away? Really? Yeah. She's like, the whole fucking house is going to be covered with salt. You're going to leave the doors open just so you can kill more flies. Did I give you the pistol or the rifle?

You gave me a rifle. Oh, Joe. No, no, no. The pistol? We've got to upgrade you tonight. The pistol's different. Because I told you, she took the rifle. I'm going to have to hide the pistol. The rifle's cool. The I told you, she took the rifle. Yeah. I'm going to have to hide the pistol. The rifle's cool.

The rifle comes with an infrared sight. Ooh. Right? And it's pretty cool. It's accurate within, I think, four feet. But you pump it. Right? Right.

And that's cool. That'll knock a fly out of the sky. But the pistol's called the Shredder. Now, the Shredder, okay, it comes with a CO2 cartridge. And it's a revolver. So it literally has little revolver things. You rub it in salt, load it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bug assault shredder. And you can get a little holster for it. And bro, when I tell you, because now that thing, it'll rip a fly to pieces. You hit a fly with that motherfucker and it's dead. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, man. I need one of these.

Yeah. No, I got you. We have them at the club. I get fucked up by mosquitoes in my yard. Because, you know, I'm out there doing archery. And I'll do it during the day with shorts on because it's 95 fucking degrees out there. And I'm out there for two hours. And I come inside and my ankles are just brutalized.

Yeah. Well, they call them no-see-ums. This is made for cockroaches. Oh, my God. Holy shit. This is made for big bugs. Bro, it just blows them away. Bang.

Let me see. Boom. Hey, are we shooting salt into your fucking food? Well, if it's popcorn, that's fine. This is just such a setup. Oh, that guy got fucked up. Yeah, bro. Boom, son.

I mean, what did they do for this commercial? How did they even? They let those roaches on that stuff. They probably had them in a bucket. They just dumped them on the table. I'm telling you, it's so satisfying. America. I'm giving these guys free game right now.

But I'm going to tell you, there's no more satisfying feeling than shooting one of these motherfuckers out the sky or shooting it off or something. Because if you live in Texas, every time you open your door, something flies in your house. That's just part of living out here. Every single day something flying is in my house.

And every single day I kill that motherfucker and it feels so good. I have two of those. I have one upstairs and one downstairs. So no matter where I am, I don't got to leave the floor.

I go right away and I talk shit the whole time. I'm like, oh, you think shit's sweet up. I'm like, oh, you think shit's sweet up in here. No, no, no. Anyway. We got a fire ant problem, too. Oh, yeah. Those little motherfuckers.

It's very impressive. The mounds that they make. Those guys go ham. Yeah, Texas is well out with the bugs. I feel like every kind of bug in the world is here. Bugs, snakes. I got a booklet that they sell at the supermarket of the snakes from Central Texas, like what's dangerous and what's not.

That's here in Austin? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. My friend called me. She goes, what is this? And she sent me photos or videos of two big ass coral snakes in her garage. And I'm like, those are real bad. Get those fucking things out of there. That'll kill you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, a coral snake can kill you. Yeah. They usually aren't trying to fuck with you, though. No. No, they don't. The problem is sometimes you don't know they're there. Right.

And so you're stepping, and you step too close to them, and they bite you. And it's a rat. Especially if you're not looking. You know, you just wander through the woods. God, it's so beautiful out here. Especially if you don't know what bit you. That's a whole other thing. Oh, yeah. And you don't get to the hospital? Yeah, you got to get to woods. God, it's so beautiful out here. Especially if you don't know what bit you. That's a whole other thing. Oh, yeah.

And you don't get to the hospital. Yeah, you got to get to the hospital with the thing that killed you. You got to know what it was. Right. You know? I'm sure hospitals out here probably carry anti-venom. Yeah? My dogs got bit a ton of times by rattlesnakes.

Really? Yeah, my pit bulls. Back when I used to have pit bulls. Oh, yeah. Anything in that yard was dead. You know, I saw a video the other day. This might not be true. Who knows what you learn off the internet. But cats are, like, quicker. Oh, yeah. Anything in that yard was dead. You know, I saw a video the other day. This might not be true. Who knows what you learn with the internet, but cats are, like, quicker.

Oh, yeah. They're way quicker. Their reflexes are way harder. There's a great video of a snake trying to bite a kitten, like a young cat, and the cat's like, whap! Shut the fuck up, cat. The cat hits you two times. Bop, bop!

You're my favorite. Listen. You know, after you do comedy for so long it's the real silly shit that makes you gets at you yeah it's not like the intricate it's like the silly shit that makes me laugh tony baker doing voiceovers of cat videos have you you know tony baker the comedian yeah yeah he's one of the funniest motherfuckers alive and he does these voiceovers of animal videos and when he when it's a cat thing so he has all he has all these different phrases but he when a cat hits somebody he calls it a skibbity pat and he'll and he'll it's you gotta find one of these like it's

one of the he he ah help me brother help you that's not is Is this Tony Baker? Ooh. Long live the king. Long live Simba, your father. Bro, cats fighting on roofs is crazy. They die sometimes. Those little motherfuckers can fall really far, though. I mean, my cat goes outside. I worry about her all the time, but she's a savvy one, man. You've always let your cat go out. Yeah.

When I got her, she was like an outdoor cat. Oh. Yeah, they don't take kindly to being stuck indoors, those outdoor cats. No. They'll start pissing on you. I'm here right now. I don't like what's happening right here. I don't like how you're holding my arm and licking my chest.

I don't like what you're doing right up here. I'll rip your paw pads loose and put them in a nice little bra. I'll make that simmer while I seal put them in a nice little bra so it doesn't simmer while I sell you cat food at the highest bidder and you're all your goddamn catnip, you understand me? But hey, to each his own,

you know what I'm saying? Whatever you're into. It's so funny. You see a Labrador growling. Like, bitch, you're so fake in it. Oh, yeah. They're the nicest dogs in the world. And most of those families

that have cats and dogs, the cat is ruling the roost. Yeah, they smack the dog right in the fucking face. Did you ever see the video of the girl talking about her pronouns, and the cat turns and smacks her in the face? No. It's hilarious. What? There's a girl, like, holding her cat, and she's being serious about her pronouns, and this cat turns around and goes, Shut the fuck up.

And she's like, oh. Hi, my name is Erin. I use she her pronouns and I am and you know what dude it was probably her fault my cat only acts up this is fucking hilarious

that cat was like shut the fuck up shut the fuck up no was like Shut the fuck up Shut the fuck up No warning Just shut the fuck up You should have fed him My cat only acts up When I'm wrong

She's never wrong You know Something's always wrong If she acting up It's either Something's wrong health wise Or I'm late feeding her Or her litter box is dirt

Like something There's always something I didn't do She never just starts Acting a certain way So she probably Was fucking something up Well she's annoying That wash She her pronouns or her litter box is dirt, like something. There's always something I didn't do. She never just starts acting a certain way. So she probably was fucking something up. Well, she's annoying.

That whole she, her pronouns thing is annoying. Watch the water bowl, bitch. If you're annoying about that, you're probably annoying about other stuff. The cat was like, she need to change my fucking water bowl. The litter box thing is rough. If you don't change litter boxes all the time, like people you go to their house and it smells like piss, it's like you don't, olfactory senses are interesting

in that they detect change. Right. They don't detect static smell. So, like, you get used to being, like, if you live in a town where it has a slaughterhouse,

you get used to that. If you live in a town that's got, like, a lot of agricultural chemicals around, that terrible smell. Like, my parents used to live in Pennsylvania and I used to drive to visit them through Jersey and you when you're going through, Pennsylvania

Went going to where they lived there was a lot of like agriculture and the smell was so bad He rolled on the wind you like what the fuck these people live with that every day But they don't notice it after a while right right so like that's the thing with people's houses when you go over there And they have a box of piss and like hey you gotta get rid of this like you have a box of piss in your house the technology is so high now yeah yeah they have those things they got the automatic joints it's like it don't make sense it's a little drawer change it yeah yeah but then if you got an outdoor cat, like, you know, she shits outside somewhere. I have no idea where she shits.

I have no idea where she shits at. And I don't clean it up. I think they bury it a little. Do your roommates take care of her when you go out of town? No. No? I mean, I'm sure they watch out for her, but not anymore. The only time.

They leave food out for her? No, I'll have Sam. You know Sam? Derek's fiance, Sam? Yeah. She runs bottom of the barrel with me. I'd rather her do it. Men don't.

Yeah. Right. Exactly. Because they'll take care of her, but they won't do what I would do. She'd do what I would do. Right. So it's like, but only if I'm going for more than a few days. If I'm doing like four days somewhere, then I'll just have her go check on her a little bit.

If you have a cat and you come back home after a couple days, the cat's like, oh, look, you're back. No, no, this bitch don't like it. She gets mad at you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? She's always upset, yeah. Really? Like, what does she do? Does she meow at you? She got like abandonment issues.

So she always, whenever I leave for more than a day, she thinks I'm gonna leave her. Oh, yeah. I've had strays, stray dogs that were like that. Yeah.

It's so sad. But man, the bitch fine. She got two fountains. She got a dad home. She just doesn't know. Yeah, she doesn't need a lot. Her food, the bowl is automatic. The water fountains are automatic.

She got two of those. The litter box is automatic. That food can't be good. That dry ass bullshit food. No, no. I mean, I feed her wet food when I'm home. Right.

But like I said, I couldn't trust anybody else to do it. I wonder if cats get mercury poisoning from like eating tuna and shit like that. I think they... Is that an issue with cats? I think their kidneys are pretty fucking strong. Yeah, but I mean, mercury

is a heavy metal poison. I don't think it's good for any animal. And they're not giving them sushi grade fish. That's true, but a lot of those tuna, they're riddled with it because the big fish are the ones that are eating the most little fish, and a lot of the little fish are the ones that

have the heavy metal poisoning. They can get it. Oh, they can. Look at this. Animals do not show signs until several weeks after being poisoned by organic mercury. Signs can include blindness, excitement, abnormal behavior, and chewing, lack of coordination, and convulsions.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, convulsions. Cats show hind leg rigidity, lack of coordination, and tremors. Neurologic signs may be irreversible. Oh, no. So it's not common to cats, but it may be the first thing a veterinarian suspects.

So it's possible that mercury poisoning happens, but is not diagnosed. Or may not be the first thing a veterinarian suspects. So it's possible that mercury poisoning happens, but is not diagnosed. Or may not be the first thing a veterinarian suspects. Oh, wow. I had a dog once, a puppy that I got. And it had distemper. And you can't fix that in a puppy. What is distemper? Distemper is horrible.

I think it's, is it parvo or distemper? Are they the same thing? It's a horrible virus that puppies get. And he would just go into these terrible convulsions, like these seizures. It was so sad. Wow. He's the cutest little guy. And there's nothing they can do about it.

There's nothing they can do about it. At the time, at least. It was 20 plus years ago. Watching something cute die is difficult. Oh, it was so horrible. Not the same thing. He was so adorable. He was such a at least. It was 20 plus years ago. Watching something cute die is difficult. Oh, it was so horrible. He was so adorable. He was such a little sweetie. It's not the same thing. Does temper and parvo are not the same disease?

Both are highly contagious viral diseases that could cause serious symptoms and even death. Especially for unvaccinated puppies and adult dogs. Yeah. Does temper, hepatitis, peri-influenza... I got him from the pound and you know he's a rescue puppy and you know and sometimes when you know they're around who knows where they

are before the pound gets them and he was already infected so sad he's such a cute little guy why did you take why'd you take him home if he was already going to die i didn't know i didn't know until after i had him he started showing showing symptoms a while after we got him. He was real young, too. It was awful. Oh, that's tough. He was so cute. I haven't lost my pet yet.

I mean, I've had animals down me, but they were never mine. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to them. I saw a dead deer on the side of the highway. I got sad. This is the deer out here dropping their fawns. So you got these cute little baby deer that are running around and when uh we were walking the other day and um the the mother deer ran away and left the fawn and the fawn just lies down on the ground because they're so small they can't run yet and so the mother tries to distract you by

running away so that you chase her and the the, hopefully the fawn kind of blends into the grass. Oh yeah. They don't have any defense mechanisms. There's too small. So for the first, I don't know how many days they really can't run away. Now they can kind of run away. Like now I see the same little baby deer and now they're running around and, but it's like, that's a bad plan from all the deers. Well, it's a plan that ensures that there's going to be less deer because you can't have too many deer. It can't be perfect where they come out running full split. You would never, you know, coyotes would never get them.

Well, that's more planning than those submarine people. That shit pisses me off the more I think about it. It scares the shit out of me. It just seems like a horrific way to die. How you don't have a plan B. See, you know what's so strange about the whole situation to me? I was telling Jamie earlier. Is that they have what?

They started out with like four days worth of air, Jamie? Yeah. So someone thought if something goes wrong, they're going to need extra oxygen. Yeah. Right? Because the trip was less than a day. But they're going to need extra oxygen. Yeah. Right? Because the trip was only less than a day. But they have four days worth of air. So someone was thinking about what they might need in an emergency.

And they stopped right there. They gave them extra air and then no other way to get out of a bad situation. Like they can't control it from inside of it. There's no emergency surface button. There's no transponder. They don't control it from inside of it? No. It's controlled from the ship. Oh's no transponder. They don't control it from inside of it? No. It's controlled from the ship.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, my God. And the ship got to be directly above it. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. And if that doesn't happen, if somehow they lose contact with the ship, the ship is not directly above it, that's it.

There's no plan B. What? Yeah. So is there a tide that moved them away from under the ship? What the fuck happened? I have no idea. Maybe somebody crashed. Maybe that window failed at a certain depth.

That's what I think happened. I think the thing failed. I think they're dead. I think it imploded on them. Why do you think that? Because it seems like... What do you think the banging is? I think the banging is just

it's banging up against something or maybe the banging is something else. Maybe it's the ship shaking. You know, they've never measured the sounds around that area. It's not like they can say that that banging is outside the norm. Oh, really? Yeah, I mean, the Titanic's down there. It's probably still creaking and swinging and who knows what that

banging is. And I could be wrong That could be them making oh seems like a waste of energy like nobody's gonna hear you But if someone is hearing them, oh like like they're thinking oh the sonar will hear them. Well, I guess that's what it's for Yeah, I think they've heard it through a plane. Is that true? Yeah, so there's a plane that detected the bang, but it's still unconfirmed From what I was just reading. Someone's claiming they heard that. But at this point, we know there's no hope of saving them.

Even if they're alive right now. How do they get them out? How do they get them out? Do they have another one of those things? Even if they were on the surface right now, like if they had risen to the surface somehow, there is an emergency. They still can't breathe. They can't open it.

They can't open it from the inside. So they can't. They have to find them to save them. And even if they found them right now, they got to bring them to the surface slowly. You know, they can't bring them up too fast. So who even fucking knows, man? I think it's a wrap. How long does it take to get them to the surface?

You know, I don't know. I think, but it's longer than you'd be comfortable with. So I think it's not about how much air they have left, right? It's about do they have enough hours of air left that it would take them to braze them to the surface and open that hatch? How do they even plan it? See if there's like some sort of a detailed strategy a retrieval oh i'm looking how could they possibly get it out i found so far is that uh during uh they spoke with somebody else one of the writers for the simpsons or creators for the

simpsons or something took this tour last year and they had problems on their trip uh three times on or it says uh communication was lost during all three of his dives including that to the titanic it's like when they were trying to do it for tv they couldn't even find the titanic or something the boat has to be near the sub so communication can happen. And if they are not near each other, communication is just gone. What the fuck, man? GPS doesn't work underwater, nor does radio. Oh, my God.

And they don't have a line attached to it? Yeah, that's like some... No. In theory, which is probably not correct, it could have resurfaced at some point, and it's just floating somewhere, and they can't get out, you know? What?

It says there's seven different, not backups, but there are seven different possibilities for it to resurface, and they're like, well, if none of those happened, the other possibilities are that there was a leak, in which case there's no backup vessel. You're kind of fucked. Oh, my God.

Yeah, any kind of leak, any kind of opening at that depth is going to kill everybody. It's so scary. Yeah. That's such a scary, because it's so slow. Like, getting down there is so slow, and knowing that all that water is above you. Miles. Yeah, just a column of all that water is above you. Miles.

Yeah, just a column of water sitting on top of you. Two miles down, basically. Oh, Jesus. And then imagine you sitting there and thinking about the one motherfucker that was trying to tell you that window wasn't good. Yeah. Right, the guy who's sweating it, the CEO, who has the information. Because if we got to kill somebody to save air, we kill him first. I'm talking a group into it. Hey, man, you know what? You had a good run.

Boy, everybody involved in that company is fucked. Somebody going to pay for that. Oh, my God. One of the guys is a billionaire. Well, it depends on which political party makes it their issue. If the Republicans make it their issue, somebody's going to pay for that. What is happening with that Sam Bankman Freed guy? I heard they dropped five of his charges. Which is wild. I wonder how that happened.

Which is wild. They just quietly did that while they're telling us about aliens. Yeah, man. This is the death of truth. This is the age where you can't tell what's true you can't tell who's who yeah who's being bribed who's not who has an agenda right so now people are going based off it's like what you're likely to believe is whatever you want to be true did you see that um you know james o'keefe left project veritas he's the guy

that does all those gotcha videos, investigative reporter videos. No, I don't know. Undercover videos. He got a lot of them. Like, I don't know what led him to leave Project Veritas, but he started his own group. And his own group yesterday, he got some guy from this corporation talking about how easy it is to bribe politicians. So he's on a date oh yeah you sent me this instagram thing yeah oh yeah it's wild it's why because this guy he's he's like

you know you can get a senator for like 10 grand like he was does he it's does he know he's being recorded it doesn't know he's on a date at some point he says that that he's like you might be an undercover reporter but he still keeps telling girls. Yeah, because he's trying to be funny. Find that. I think he's trying to impress a girl. But that's what it always is. A lot of them are these chatty gay guys, and they get some cute gay guy to go on dates with them. Yeah, but there's one part of the video where he's at a job fair or something.

He's just talking. Yeah, so this is it. Play it? Oh, I mean, oh, okay. I don't know, but I suspect it's probably because it's easier to do things when people aren't thinking about it. All of these financial institutions, they buy politicians. You can take this big sum of money and then you can start to buy people. I work for a company called BlackRock. Meet Serge Varley, a recruiter at BlackRock. Let me tell you, it's not who's the president.

Oh. It's who's controlling the wallet. Yeah, it says, let me tell you, it's not the president. It's who's controlling the wallet of the president. And who's that? The hedge funds, BlackRock, the banks. These guys run the world. Also, what a fucking... Campaign financing, yep,

you can buy your candidates. Look at this. Obviously, we have the system in place. First, there's the senators. You got 10 grand, you can buy a senator. You got 10 grand, you can buy a senator. 500 grand. Does, like, everybody do that? Does BlackRock do that?

Everyone does that, he's saying. Doesn't matter who wins. They're in my pocket at this point. Wow. What a loser. Well, these people always, it's always single people on dates. But who talks like this on the first date? Guys do if they want to impress a girl.

Guys do if they want to let a girl know, like, hey, they're a fucking big mover shaker in this corporation and this is how we do it we run the world we run the world it's like oh my god government secrets don't impress women do they well that's not really government secrets it's corporate secrets it's them but using their influence and money to affect the political system but it's you know it's it's power and you know when a guy can talk about how much power he has to a girl on a date it's, you know, it's power. And, you know, when a guy can talk about how much power he has to a girl on a date, it's probably very intoxicating. Let her know, I'm running shit, baby. You're like, hey, girl, I have several moral failings, but I'm successful. What's that? I googled his name,

and when you click this, they removed it. They removed it. Yeah, of course they removed it. But I also don't know when it got added. Yeah, but of course they removed it. Like, they always do that it. But I also don't know when it got added. Yeah, but of course they removed it. Like, they always do that whenever someone gets busted. He definitely don't work for BlackRock no more. Oh, he's in trouble.

Yeah, he's probably dead. Yeah, he's probably at the Clintons ranch swinging from a tree with a shotgun wound in his asshole. Yeah. He killed himself by shooting himself in the asshole. Yeah, it's not good for him. But they'll just disavow him and none of the major media networks will cover that. That's where it gets interesting. Because when something like this happens,

whether it's a pharmaceutical company, he's done that with a lot of those people, like Pfizer, he got this guy talking about engineering viruses and it never makes the news. I'm going to try that on my next date. Hey girl, I, I bribe several public officials. Let's go back to my place. Yeah, I think it's, you know, she's also asking the right questions,

like saying that she's curious. So he gets to show how much he knows, you know. God, imagine thinking you're having a good date and this girl just destroys you. Just destroys you. Puts you on a hit list somewhere. She probably didn't even fuck him. No, she didn't fuck him. I know.

That's like, that's the whole thing. She got free dinner. She got free dinner, a hot scoop and then destroyed your ass. Get a couple of cocktails in someone like that. You know? They don't think about what they're saying. Next thing you know, you're giving up some serious global details but then that won't that

always be I mean he that pretty much gives Blackrock a way out it's like oh he was just trying to get laid he don't know what he's talking for sure yeah oh yeah he could totally be full of shit I mean that's literally what one of the guys said that they busted he goes I'm an actual liar he goes I'm on a date I'm trying to impress my date I'm'm lying. Oh, right. The guy said that, like, on the spot. And maybe he was telling the truth. You know, people definitely lie on dates and pretend they know more than they know.

If she recorded him being like, yeah, I have a 12-inch dick, people wouldn't be like, well, that must be true. Right. He said it on tape. Yeah, true, right? Yeah, but it seems like what he was saying is based on personal experience. But we already knew that was true. He said he was a recruiter, so he's never done any of that stuff. Right.

He just picks the people that do it. If it only costs $10,000 to buy a senator, I feel like we should own them all. You could own them all. Yeah, at least for one election cycle. Yeah. I wonder how that works with political donations. That's what Trump always said. He donated to people to make things happen. He donated to one election cycle. Yeah. I wonder how that works with political donations. That's what Trump always said. He donated to people to make things happen.

He donated to people for this. He went to their weddings. Yeah. He donates to their charity where they also happen to be an employee. Didn't he say he paid Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton to be at his wedding? Oh, that's funny. I think it was either his wedding or one of his kids' weddings. I think you can pay people, and they'll do an appearance.

Isn't that wild? That sounds like torture. How wild is that, though? Yeah. Give me $250,000, I'll show up at your wedding. I mean, just to be there, that might be worth the trip. I think they're doing that all the time, so it adds up. You know, Donald Trump, he probably didn't have their meals covered.

He's like, well, I'll just pay you to come. You do read the contract. It's not an open bar. Right. It's a bar. It costs money. It's expensive. What is the story with that?

Is that legit? Did he say that? He said that. What did he say? I was trying to find the video of it, but it's not coming up. But their quote is written here. This is if you're to believe him. I'll tell you what.

With Hillary Clinton, I said, be at my wedding, and she came to my wedding, Trump applied. You know why? She had no choice because I gave. He added that he gave money to the Clinton Global Foundation without understanding how his funds would be used. I didn't know the money would be used on private jets going all over the world, he said. It was. Clinton had a front row seat at Donald Trump's wedding, his third wedding, in 2005. The Clinton team didn't immediately respond to a request for comment on whether the Clintons only attended Trump's wedding because he contributed to her Senate campaign.

Well, they're all in cahoots. Just give them some money. Give some money. They use it on private jets. Don't do anything for money. Isn't that crazy, though, they could just use it on private jets? They just got, like, a private jet slush fund. Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised at all. Like, that's

why I don't feel bad for people. Like, once you hit a certain amount of money, the system is set up for you to never go broke again. Oh, yeah. If you use it correctly and they use it to the most. Yeah. Yeah, they use every loophole. They make the loophole. So they use every single loophole to benefit them

to make sure they will never go broke and their kids will never go broke. Especially bankers. I mean, when banks fail, the government bails them out. Yeah. Yeah, the whole, it's set up so, what do they call it? Private risk, public no, public risk, private benefit or whatever the fuck? Kodak Black's lawyer slams Hunter Biden. Kodak Black's lawyer slams Hunter Biden plea deal after rapper sentenced to three plus

years for the same crime. Attorney for rapper questioned different outcomes for his client. Didn't Kodak Black have a lot of drugs? Yeah. Also, Lil Wayne, I think, had a similar charge and had worse penalties. Was he hit with drugs, too?

I don't know exactly each case. I know it's a case-by-case basis, but there are a lot of people that are mad about Hunter's situation. But to be fair, though, this is not Kodak Black's first conviction. Oh, what has he done? I don't know, but I think he just got out of prison. Oh.

Well, this might have been because of that. I think that's why he said, yeah, like his lawyer said two tiers of justice. He was charged for the same crime and did three years. Hunter Biden will not serve a day. Okay. All right. Okay. Yeah.

But also don't know if, I mean, I haven't looked back at Hunter Biden. Did he never get arrested for any of his problems in the past? Well, he said he was pardoned by Trump in 2021. Hunter Biden? No. Oh, he was. He was pardoned by Trump. For that?

For that same charge? Isn't that wild, the pardon thing? That's wild. You could just say, yeah, let him out. It's wild who doesn't get one. Right. Yeah, yeah. Like Julian Assange.

Right, Julian Assange. Edward Snowden. Joe Exotic. Joe Exotic. Yeah, free Joe Exotic. Who was the other guy? Manning. Bradley Manning.

Yeah. Who's kind of connected to Julian Assange. Yeah. But also he- That's Chelsea Manning now. Right. Chelsea Manning transitioned while in government custody for treason. Yeah.

How did that happen? No one ever talks about that. Or did it happen after? Because I thought when she initially got arrested, it was Bradley Manning. Yes. And while she was still in custody, it changed to Chelsea Manning. I think so. And I was like, because it seems like you get mistreated

but also like if you can transition they treat me pretty nice you know the name yes like in prison right so I'm just always confused I wonder what the transition consists of I mean someone can transition by just identifying as a woman now you just start dressing like a woman. You can still keep your dick, still keep your hormones. I think most of them start taking hormones. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what the percentage is.

Because women, I think you listen, transitioning from a woman to a man would probably be easier, but I think women can tell you're not one of them. You've got to take estrogen if you're transitioning to a woman because you've got to think like them. They can pick up on the vibe. I don't think you're not taking your estrogen.

What is this logic? Do you know what autogynephilia is? Autogynephilia. Autogynephilia. Autogynephilia. Okay, I'm going to guess. Auto means happening unconsciously like, unconsciously. Gyna is vaginas, right?

Like a gynecologist, I'm guessing. Philia means love. Oh, so it means somebody that automatically loves pussy? No, autogynephilia is men have a sexual fetish where they're attracted to women, but they want to dress up like a woman. They want to dress up like a woman and fuck women. Autogynephilia is defined as a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female. It's a paraphilia that is theorized to underline transvestism and some forms of male-to-female transsexualism. So you used to be able to say this.

That was like a normal statement. Now that is transphobic, which is really wild because it's been in the psychological literature forever. It's a condition. It's like Rocky Horror Picture Show shit. Yeah, but it's a kink. I got a homie like that. He transitioned to a woman, but he fucks women. Like, he still loves women.

Yeah, that's how I got a feeling. So maybe it's like he loves women so much that he also wants to be a woman. I think it just gets turned on by the idea of him being a woman. I don't know. It's just like, what is that? My first girlfriend was like that. She loved to, like, masturbate in the mirror. Oh, Jesus, that's weird.

That's crazy. I don't want to see nothing of myself. Just looking at yourself. Making a mean face at yourself. Imagine thinking you're so hot that you make you cum. Oh, boy. That's crazy. You're like, man, if I was a bitch, I'd do this better than these hoes.

I was like, nah. Who knows what's going on with that? Eh, you know. Who were you telling me about? You were telling me about a woman that transitioned to a man, started taking testosterone, and then came up to you. Oh, it was like, actually, that happened twice. I had two female friends that transitioned to male.

Oh, it's him fucking in the mirror. Oh, yeah. American Psycho. That was a great movie, dude. Awesome. The book is even more fucked up. But every trans man I know, every woman that transitioned to a man that I know personally, when they started taking testosterone, at some point they walked up to me and was like,

I get it. I get it a little bit. I get it now. Yeah. Testosterone's a hell of a fucking thing to just start taking a high dose of cuz like you realize like oh I want to fuck it I'm a it's this aggression that gets introduced to yeah yeah and it hits every it hits every man at the worst possible time when you're when your body's just getting coordinated you don't know shit about

life and this is a drug that makes you want to fucking kill and dominate and win and it's just the highest dose you're ever going to receive. Yeah. Yeah. It's like you take like 15 years for it to fucking wear off. That's why they want people to join the Navy and the Army and the Marines when they're 17, 18 years old. Yeah, when they can whip you into a fervor with just a little speech.

Oh, yeah. Get you fired up. You're ready to kill. Yeah, you want to live forever? Yeah. Yeah, see, now I'll be like, yeah, Get you fired up. You're ready to kill. Yeah, you want to live forever? Yeah! Yeah, see, now I'll be like, yeah, I do. Yeah, I'm going to stay. Like, I would have got on that sub when I was 19.

Oh, of course. But now I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with y'all? What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, I probably would have did it if I was young and stupid and I didn't understand consequences, but I probably would have been regretting it halfway down. Not understanding consequences. That's the most horrific of consequences.

And the whole world's watching, too. Yeah. Oh, my God, that scares me. And the thing is, because they're all rich, it's a joke. It's like, no, like, sure, some people have empathy, but right away, Twitter's like... Yep, they went right in. The memes are coming. Oh, yeah. People are, if you search right away, Twitter's like, the memes are coming.

If you search right now on Twitter for the knocking sound, it's just beats. It's like just real hip hop songs. People are like, I heard they was listening to this, and it's just Young Jeezy. Or it's like the new Killer Mike album. I can't believe they got it down there. It came out the same day. What's that? I heard a couple farts.

It's like listening to a knock and then just someone ripping ass. The new Killer Mike album is a fucking amazing song. It's very good. Yeah, yeah. just someone ripping ass. The new Killer Mike album is a fucking amazing album. It's very good. Yeah, yeah. It's very good. David Lucas played it in the ring room last night. Yeah, it's very good. This is Mike in his bag right here.

Yeah. He's in his own right now. I tried to talk him into doing a podcast. I hope he listens. Oh, man. He'd have an amazing podcast. That'd be incredible. He'd have the best podcast out there.

He's so, when he has to give public speeches about things, he's so good at that, man. Yeah. He's very articulate. He's also empathetic and kind. Like, wise. He's very wise. Because he practices something that I learned from doing comedy, for real, and it's that people will say, like, if you ask somebody, is it okay to talk about this or whatever,

people will say yes or no or whatever. But the way they respond to a joke, you breaking the shit down to where it's obvious that you've put a lot of thought into it is enough for most people to not have a negative reaction, even if it's a controversial subject. So when he goes and gives speeches about controversial issues or he's talking to a group of people that all disagree with him,

it's like he's so thoughtful that you can't not like him anyway, even if he's saying something that you totally don't agree with. Right. Yeah. Yeah. He understands how his words are being interpreted by the people that he's talking to. He's very smooth and careful with how he does it.

Yeah, meticulous too. No, he'd be an awesome podcast. He's a great guest. He's always got great opinions about things. That's all you need. And there's always room for more people like that. I'm always trying to encourage interesting people to start podcasts. It's such a great way to get stuff out there.

And for me, I want to hear how different people think. I'm always wondering, why do I think like this? What's the genesis of it? You know what I love about doing my podcast? It's not hugely popular yet, but it lets me get all my thoughts out without the obligation to be funny. Because sometimes you've got to get through all of the unfunny to find the funny,

and you don't always have time to do that on stage. You know what I mean? So it's nice to just, you know, it's like finding the gold nugget, but it's all covered in shit. You've got to chip off and wash off. You know, it's that. It's like sometimes the nugget, but it's all covered in shit. You gotta chip off and wash off. You know, it's that. It's like sometimes the nugget's buried so deep

that I don't have time to do it on stage. Yeah. Yeah, normally I would just be sitting there thinking those thoughts or saying them to myself. Right, but when you're saying them out loud like that too, you're hashing them out and you're working it out in real time. Yeah, yeah.

Tim's the best at that shit. Tim Dillon is so funny off the cuff on those rants. This motherfucker get started on a rant. Oh, my God. His rants are fucking incredible. Yeah. He's dystopian. He's the best at ranting.

Yeah, he's the best. He's the best at it. And it translates to his stand-up. His stand-up got way better after he started doing his podcast. And it's a premise factory. Yeah. That's another person that's been in the mothership. Most of the just, it's like a, it's a premise factory. Yeah. So another person that's been in the mothership,

most of the people have come now. Oh yeah, everybody's been there. Man, it's so awesome. Tim talks a lot of shit, but he bought

a second house here. He can shut the fuck up. He bought a house out here. Yeah. I try to explain to people what, like what, you know,

because I would never tell somebody, hey, this is better than New York or better than explain to people what, you know, because I would never tell somebody, hey, this is better than New York or better than, because that's, you know, that's a stupid argument

to have. Yeah. But you should, I feel like you should go wherever you're going to benefit the most, wherever you have the most connections,

wherever you're going to get the most stage time. Yeah. You know, and you get a lot of stage time out here. Like, like,

like, comic, what was his name, Cam Patterson. Mm-hmm. Mo time out here. Like, what was his name? Cam Patterson. Moved out here from fucking Florida. I saw, listen, I saw this dude on the internet. He had put a joke on Instagram and it came up on my feed and I liked it and followed him. Follow me back.

A month and a half later, Mothership opens. I'm standing outside smoking on the second day and he goes walking by me on the street. He's like, hey, don't I know you? He was like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, are you,

did you move here? He was like, yeah. And I was like, hey, come in on Monday to the open mic. He comes in, Adam loves him.

He does bottom of the barrel the next day. Adam's like, holy shit, Tony sees him. Tony's like, I love this motherfucker. He killed Tony, killed that shit.

And he went on the Kill Tony anniversary show. Yeah, he was on the anniversary show and he's a killed that shit. And it's like. And he went on the Kill Tony anniversary show. Yeah, he was on the anniversary show and he's a door guy now. Yeah. And it's like, the whole life just changed up. You know what I'm saying? Well, I love the door guy program. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's basically an advanced version of what we had at the store, but genuinely dedicated to development of Newtown. Those door guys get so much stage time. But we were talking about that before we ever did this. When we were planning this out before we ever did this. When we were planning this out and we were hanging out in the Vulcan, we all were in agreement.

You've got to have two nights of open mic nights. Oh, yeah. You've got to have a lot of open mic. Minimum. Minimum. That's how the store had it back in the day. That's really the best way to do it. And you can always have, you know, like last time we did open mic night,

Bill Burr is in town. He went up. A bunch of people go up. It it'll be pros after the the amateurs well i think a lot of clubs don't do you know because open mic doesn't it's not a money-making night no you know and so a lot of clubs like they see it as an afterthought but it's like it's stupid you have to nurture the scene it's an event you're you're doing it for the the greater good of the art form you're the more people that do it the better the people will be the better the people that are around you the better you'll be it's like it's good for everybody and if you're a comedy fan and you go in one day and you see some kid who's been doing comedy for two years and it's kind of funny and then you come back six years later and they're

headline beast and you're like wow this is wild this is wild it's beautiful to see man it's it's exciting it's an exciting time for stand-up it's my favorite place and you know what we're doing out here is the best that we can do right here it doesn't mean that it's better than anywhere else it's like they're all great if you do it the right way you got to do it the right way yeah it's just it's just another place where you can do it it's not it's not like you don't have i it the right way. Yeah, it's just another place where you can do it. It's not like, I don't think you have to like, there's a winner. That's dumb.

But it does help that there's so many good comics here. There's a lot of good comics here. There's a lot of stage time here. And there's decent money to be made here, even if you're not a famous comic. Because all the spots pay pretty well. Yeah. You know? That's the good thing that we did out here.

Jack that up. Yeah, all that free shit. If your show don't pay, it's not going to last here. Yeah. No. Because my attitude's always been the same. It's not like I'm above doing a free show. But if I find out you're making money and you're not paying the comics,

then I'm not fucking with you. Exactly. Well, they used to have those shows in L.A. where the one person putting on the show was making all the money They were making thousands of dollars and they give like fifty dollars to this person They'll give a couple hundred bucks out out of thousands and thousands of dollars for sold-out show But that person wasn't even the good comic People were coming to see all the other people and the other people were just doing the show because it was convenient

They were in town. Yeah, I want to do a set and they just wanted to do a set just to work out right and you think of the store as a place to just work out and you realize oh somebody's like massively profiting right making like 85 of the money yeah it's kind of fucked up but it's you know that doesn't have to be the case like the way we're doing it is way better like where the comics feel appreciated the reason why people are going there is for the comics so they make the money like that's how it's supposed to be yeah and it's it's also good for everybody else it's it's good it's good for the club the club's got to understand like what are you selling like this is the argument that i have with the store when i got banned i was like you have a box with a microphone in it if we don't go you have nothing

you're not selling the comedy store this comedy store is a great venue. That is a lot of Amazing history, but it's filled with us. We're the comedians So if a shithead like you is making decisions and supporting a fucking joke thief over the rest of the community You know what the fuck is going on. You all you have is a box It's the institution. I mean almost most of the institutions in comedy work that way, where the institution gets most of the money. Yeah. But it's like, but the problem is they get you when you're not a draw. Right.

So then they can say, oh, well, they're not here because of you. Right. So you get used to getting underpaid and not asking more about the money and how you're compensated. Yeah. And before you know it, you just have, you know,

when it's all said and done, you have all these memories and you, you know, it's the prestige and. Well, the thing about the store was it was a great place to work on your act

and then you'd make money going to other places. Right. So that's how I always approached it. I always approached it as, it's home base. I'm glad they make money because I want to support it. And it's the best club that's ever existed.

I don't think they should make nothing. Yeah. They should just, when you would find out how much money was on one of those bringer shows, those showcase shows, you feel violated. You feel like, you fucked me. You know that that's not fair you give him someone fifty dollars you're making six thousand that's crazy that's crazy yeah but that's what happens when people are allowed to do shit like that you know and it's generally the people that are doing it aren't artists it's just like a business person that's

figured out this little loophole that the artists who are just like not good at like planning for shit they're kind of scatterbrained and impulsive every kind of artist yeah every level yeah yeah yeah so the concept behind this is just that well let's just put the all the power in the hands of the artists and just do it right do it ethic and create like a real sense of community there's people that don't like that who people i think people that benefit from artists being uh yeah you mean people that don't honor the clubs people yeah people that are just people that don't benefit from carters being empowered you know well it's not even a power thing it's it's it's like

you need them too like i'm happy that they make money. I want everybody to make money. But the thing is like they always held it over us. But you know what it is? Making money gives you the ability to say no to other money. Because what I find is like people in show business, a lot of times it's like all their power is in the fact that you don't have any. You don't have anything.

So it's like all I got to do is throw a little bit of money at you. And you have to say yes, because you're living in L.A. You're trying to survive. Your rent is $8,000 a month for an efficiency, and you need money. And so you're going to sign this shitty contract, and I'm going to give you $10,000. And that's more money than you've ever had at once. And I'm buying the rights to your idea. And I'm going to turn around and make 10 million dollars off it but it's like there's all but but when you when you have security in

your money you can say no to shit like that yeah yeah well that sort of situation in hollywood only really applies to big budget things now it's very hard to get people to like if they know what's going on to sign off on something like that now. No. But if you, like, a big budget thing is different. Like, if it's a movie or something like that, you know, then it's like, what are you going to do? Or if it'll make me famous, it'll give me steady work. Yeah.

It's some desperate people in the show business. You know what's wild is this story with The Flash. Do you know the story with the movie The Flash? I mean, I know Ezra Miller was, like, figure to say it mild really to say it mild okay hit me I mean he must be so good in this fucking movie I haven't seen the movie but I heard it's really good but he must kidnap the person right he's a freak man okay I mean he's non-binary he says he's a they them which gives him a lot of leeway. But with the stuff that he gets accused of, it's like, what is he accused of, Jamie?

It's weird because it's hard to imagine that they still released this movie with all these controversial charges against this guy. And I understand that they spent some god-awful amount of money on the movie. It was funny, too. The Batgirl lady didn't do shit. They just canceled her movie. Yeah, but he got something with children. Right here. Okay.

Vanity Fair's report followed an update from Rolling Stone which detailed how Vermont State Police were unable to find a mother and her three children who were allegedly living in unsafe conditions at Miller's Farm in the state. Reportedly, the police attempt to serve the mother with an emergency care order that would take away the children from Miller's property. The repeated attempt to contact the mother, apparently, is what resulted in the police charging Miller with felony burglary.

Vermont State Police also report this occurred after police found out that several bottles of alcohol were taken from a residence. After looking at surveillance footage, they found probable cause to charge Miller, who was issued a citation to show up in Vermont Superior Court for arraignment in late September. Imagine the flash steals your booze. You see the flash is breaking into your house and stealing your booze. It was his house, though, wasn't it? I don't know. Well, it says that's breaking into your house and stealing your booze. It was his house though, wasn't it?

I don't know. Well, it says it's his property. People were staying there. It says it's taking from a residence. Miller's property. Well, the parents, the children

were staying at Miller's property. His farm. His farm, right. Look, it says the repeated attempt to contact the mother apparently resulted

in police charging Miller with felony burglary. This occurred after police found out that several surveillance footage, several bottles of alcohol were taken from a residence. This doesn't say the same residence. It says a residence, like someone's home. So he was stolen from someone's house. After looking at surveillance footage, they found the probable cause to charge Miller. So it's not his.

He stole booze from someone's house. So that's what I was saying, Jay. That doesn't seem that bad. Yeah, but that's crazy. Imagine the Flash is to charge Miller. So it's not his. He stole booze from someone's house. So that's what I was saying, Jamie. That doesn't seem that bad. Yeah, but that's crazy. Imagine the Flash is stealing your booze. Are you a fucking superhero? You're stealing my booze? What bad is somebody that's rich stealing anything from you?

Right. What do those two things have to do with each other? I don't know. So the child, the mother and the children, who knows what that is? Yeah, go ahead. That could be anything. You want glasses and ice? Yes.

Can we get glasses and ice for Mr. Simpson? Yeah, I don't, but there was something else. Like there was a protection order put against him. There were unattended guns at the house. A source alleged that one child picked up a stray bullet and put it in her mouth. Oh, Jesus. A social worker visited the home and told the children's father that they looked good, yet there was more work to do. Yeah, but wasn't there something else, though?

That's what I'm wondering. I've never heard. There's more than one case. Yeah, it sounded to me like people rented his house, and then some shit was happening at his house, and he's trying to get involved. But that does not seem like what was really happening. It seemed like there was something else. You sound like an Ezra Miller apologist. I've never heard of him.

What is that? What is that that you got right there? This is Estancia. Oh, that stuff's horrible. Is it? That's Megan Murphy stuff. No. No?

No. It's not? Those are way different bottles. Oh, okay. I think. Let's get him some ice and some glasses. Let's smell it. I just got it because it was different.

I don't know. It smells decent. What is that? No, no. That is. That's the idea. Is that it? Rasea.

Rasea. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. That stuff is turpentine. Megan loves that. It doesn't make any sense. What's that? What's it taste like?

Death. Okay. It tastes like turpentine. All right. I think it's nasty, but she likes it. I don't know. Some people just like really fucking strong alcohol. Here we got ice.

What is this? Two C? I don't know, man. Grab some stuff. Just grab whatever looks good. Bruh, I don't even know. I'm going to taste this. I'm going to see if it's as bad as you say.

It's bad. This, though. Give that stuff I don't even know. I'm going to taste this. I'm going to see if it's as bad as you say. It's bad. This, though. Give that stuff a try first. Yeah. If you want, we can break out some smelling salts. Let's see what we got going on here. It can't be that bad. Oh, it's bad.

Take a sip of that. It's tequila moonshine, basically. Go ahead. Hit it. Enjoy. Oh, shit. I told you. Yeah, yeah. Hit it. Oh, shit. I told you. Yeah, yeah.

Nasty. What the fuck, Megan? What the fuck? What the fuck, Megan? This shit tastes like... She loves it. It tastes like floor cleaner or some shit. It's so nasty.

Yeah, yeah. I'm good on this. Yeah. I mean, who likes that? Weirdos. Let me get a swig of that. Just so I... You're not alone. You're not alone. You're not this. Yeah. I mean, who likes that? Weirdos. Let me get a swig of that. Just so I... You're not alone.

You're not alone. You're not alone. Oh, it's so gross, man. It's foul. Here we go. Let's take a little bit. I'm going to take my punishment. It's worse than I remember.

Yeah, it's real bad. It's foul. Smelling salt so you can forget that? Oh, yeah. Bust it's real bad. It's foul. Smelling salt so you can forget that? Oh, yeah. Bust out the smelling salts. They're fresh. Oh, yeah. You really got smelling salts?

Of course you do. Of course you do. Why is that surprising at all? Theo Vaughn is addicted to them. Whoops. Theo Vaughn. Is this the same ones? Oh, this is like in the bag.

That's what I'm saying. It's brand new. It's going to be rough. It's going to be rough. Are those like legit joints? They use it in fights? Oh, yeah. No, they use it. It haven't even touched it yet. It's gonna be rough. But are those, like, for the legit joints? They use it in fights? Oh, yeah. No, they use it.

It's as strong as it gets. They use it like power lifters use it before they attempt a big lift. Really? Like, that's in a special package? This is not. This is a different company. This is not in a special package. Oh, Jesus.

This one's so bad, Jamie. I know. My eyes hurt. My eyes hurt from opening the bag, dude. I haven't even opened the bottle. This is, I don't know what this means. My boy, my spadillo. Holy shit, dude.

Just smell this bag. Just smell the bag. Why are you doing this? The bag is closed. Oh! That's just the bag. That's just the bag. It's not even this.

He didn't give me no fucking, he didn't go, take a little, tiny, take your time. Oh. Okay, this is still sealed. Oh, man. The rest of this episode is going to turn into me smelling stuff. Bro, this hurts from here. Oh, man, Joe. No.

What is this? You went too close. It can't be that bad. It is. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, he went too close. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He went too close. Oh, my God.

We're going to have to take a break, I think. No, no, no. We're good. Brian's going to go. It's still burning me. Brian almost ate it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This one is so much stronger, dude. I know. That's why I'm leaving these in the package. It's so, so much stronger. i know that's why i'm leaving so so much stronger oh that's some shit oh that's bad and it's so much stronger oh that's bad it's so bad oh lord that is that's the old one times like a thousand oh my why? It hurts, dude, still. Oh, man. It still hurts.

Oh, shit. The inside of my nose got scorched. Oh, God. I thought they had flavored ones that I was going to get. Oh, what flavor? I couldn't find it. Oh, Lord. I think they might have stopped.

Folks at home, you're going to hear Brian Simpson's in the hallway moaning. Oh, Jesus. That was so... One of the worst things I've ever done. Ever. Can you close the door, please? It's still burning me. And I did mine like 30 seconds before you.

Oh, fuck. Pool water. Oh, Jesus Christ. It sounds to me that I just remember pool water. This is way worse than pool water. It's just... Sucking pool water. It's the worst, man. No, this shit is... This one, Jamie just remember pool water. This is way worse than pool water. It's just... Sucking pool water. It's the worst, man.

No, this shit is... This one, Jamie, is so bad. It's so much worse than the other ones. Holy shit. I treated it like it was the other ones. I took a real snifferoo. I got in there deep. It was in the package package.

Like, the package that came in the mail, I was smelling through that. It's insane how strong that is. Oh, my God, dude. What the fuck? That's insane. How could that possibly help you? Why is that necessary? I was thinking do this and go on stage, but I never did.

But imagine that one, doing that one. People, you go on stage, people are like, what drugs do you want? That was one of the. Smelling salts. That was one of the worst things. I've never. I don't know if I've ever regretted something so quick. Where is it, by the way?

Where'd you put it? Oh, you have it, okay. It's right here. Oh my God, dude. That shit, it burned my whole shit like all up in my sinus. Is this supposed to be

the same as the other ones we got? There's only one he makes. That's insane. It's so inconsistent. What the fuck is it for? It's power lifters. They take a sniff of that shit

and then lift weights. No way. Yeah. It's power lifters. They take a sniff of that shit and then lift weights. No way. Yeah. It's horrible, Jamie. You want to try it? No, no, absolutely not. My eyes are already wide. I'm, like, close enough.

Bro, my eyes were watering when I opened up the bag. Just when I tore the top of the bag, my eyes started watering. Oh, man. That's insane. Oh, my God, bro. Bro, y'all don't even know what I was just going through. Yeah, it's harsh. Like, I don't know what the fuck was wrong with me.

That bag fucked me up. And you were like, that's even stronger. And I put it right here. Yeah. I was like, what the? So the whole time I was suffering, I was feeling like an idiot. I was like, what the? So the whole time I was suffering, I was feeling like an idiot. I was like, what the fuck?

Oh, I felt like an idiot too because I had done it before on the ones that were not as potent. Oh, man. That is the most potent one by far. Easy. That's so bad. I saw the one I have.

It's called Redline. Get that shit away from me. Redline. That's worse? It was just like the highest selling one on Amazon. It says they use an advanced polymer to bring the strongest and longest lasting formulation yet. Maybe it lasts longer because this one, after a while, does die off. Yeah, this is made out of some weird material.

We should probably store this in the garage. I think it's bothering me just sitting here. Yeah, I don't give a fuck what that one smells like. Spare a minute. Over. Oh, Jesus Christ. No, sir. Oof, it got me, these motherfuckers. Yeah, I don't give a fuck what that was smells like No, sir, oof you got these motherfuckers you smell it do you smell that like when you're holding the bottle do you smell it? Oh This water right there in that

What's wrong with us terrible Terrible taste in alcohol. That was so stupid. So dumb. Oh, man, Joe. I can't wait to get Theo back in here. Open up a freshie. That's the thing. You got to open up that bag.

Yeah, it's still in the room. It sure is. Oh, my God. But it's crazy because the ones that we had before, they were like one-tenth of that. Through my glasses. Oh, my God. But it's crazy because the ones that we had before were not, they were like one-tenth of that. Through my glasses. Oh, yeah. I was worried you were going to throw the smell in salts.

Well, no, the thing is I couldn't. Oh, you think that happened? I thought you tossed it. Oh, my God. I couldn't see. I didn't see that happen with you. Oh, yeah. Because my eyes were burning. I had to close my eyes.

I had my eyes closed shut, and I heard you go, You were like this. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Because my eyes were burning. I had to close my eyes. I had my eyes closed shut, and I heard you go, blah! You were like this. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, man. What was wrong with me? Holy shit. Holy shit. God damn. It still hurts. The inside of my nose still hurts. No. It's probably, like, 50 times worse than the last one. And the worst

shit is when you hurt yourself, and, like, you can only blame yourself. Oh, yeah. No, you can blame me. What did they figure out that makes it so fucking strong that nobody else has? I don't know how they stumbled across that. Man, maybe this is the best advertisement for it. That's the strongest shit I've ever smelled, ever. Period.

But, Jamie, this is the same one as the other one. Yeah, 100%. The batches are different. It's like a weed edible. Sometimes you break it up and you put too much in the left one and the one on the right gets a little less. It was like the batches are different. It's just, it's like a weed edible, you know? Sometimes you break it up and you put too much in the left one and the one on the right gets a little less. If they start mixing that shit with cocaine, people will quit cocaine overnight. I 100% thought that I was going to see blood in this tissue when I just blew my nose.

It still hurts. It hurts. It still hurts all up in my head. Yeah, my eyes hurt. And I thought, the thing is, I was breathing, but was breathing, but I felt like I wasn't breathing. Yeah. That was horrible. Yeah, it was like I thought it was going to never end. The inside of my nose is scorched. You're not supposed to go

that close. You guys went close and you're supposed to go. Where are you supposed to go? Like six inches away, maybe. Where did I go? Yeah, where was all that information fucking ten minutes ago? I got up in there. You weren't listening to me saying, don't go that deep. So like six inches is like right here. Yeah't go that deep. It's like six inches right here. Nah, bro.

It's got to be. That sounds like Captain Meat. That's like when they told us to stay six feet away for COVID. Right. That just sounds like a number that somebody just threw out there. Yeah, it actually says 12 inches. Yeah, okay. That's more like it.

Because right here. We both got in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got in there. I was like an inch from my nose. Do not do more than. Because right here, right here fucking yeah. We both got in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We got in there. I was like an inch from my nose. And do not do more than a few times per day. Uh-oh.

I'm telling you, Joe, somebody's going to remix this episode and they're going to constantly be playing you going, just suck on it and then us sniffing

these fucking... And it's going to turn into it. They're going to put a beat to it. One can only hope. Oh, yeah, the fans are fucking the internet's amazing the internet is so great memes to me like that's some of my favorite laughs of the day it's ridiculous memes that people say it really is a brand new kind of version of comedy

that is it's but it's very super culturally specific you couldn't most of the best memes of the time like you couldn't show somebody a meme you know in my meme in ten years with no context and they just don't get it right yeah so it's like um it's like it's like the new version of a street joke right right and some of them did just get everywhere like the dude with the big dick sitting on the side of the bed because the pic the pictures can be used for so many yes so many things it's crazy and there's some people out there that really be you know they really good at making a good meme anytime someone gets up anytime something happens someone falls down someone does that meme of me with the microphone there oh yeah and you know

and they don't get paid for whoever wherever they come from somebody always takes credit and they don't pay yeah well there's all these pages that are just dedicated to memes. And they just find them on Reddit or wherever they get them from, 4chan. And they just post them everywhere. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's crowdsourced comedy. Yeah. And now everyone with a sense of humor has a folder dedicated to memes.

Yeah. Yeah. Some people are quick with them, too. Like, when my friends send me them sometimes, like, how the fuck, did you have that? Right. Just sitting there, do you have them categorized? It all picked up during the pandemic, right? Don't you think? Meme-ing? Nah, meme-ing was big

before the pandemic. But don't you think it got bigger during the pandemic? You know what I think happened is I think there was just, there were memes that were more universal. So it felt like that. Like, we all shared in more stuff than we normally, you know what I think happened is I think there was just, there were memes that were more universal. So it felt like that. Like we all shared in more stuff than we normally, you know what I mean? Like masks. Yeah, like Tiger King type of deal.

Yeah. If that wasn't for the pandemic, it's like that would have been kind of popular, but people would, everyone wouldn't have seen it. You imagine if Trump pardoned him. I thought he would have. I wonder if he was on a list. I thought he was going to, but I think he probably said some shit about Trump in the past. Did he? Or something.

Something. Not wise. Because it's wild that he wouldn't do it because so many people wanted him to. Yeah. Is he in jail? Yeah. I thought he was dying of cancer.

Oh, this is supposed to be yesterday. Hmm. So, he says, yeah, I don't know. What is it? He tagged Trump? What? This can't be real. What is it saying?

I think it is his account because they messaged me on that. It said, someone better start doing reform because they and their families are supporting me because you never keep your promises. Okay? I don't know what that means. I'm not sure what that means. But that guy, I mean, what a weird cultural phenomenon, right? Everyone's locked in their home. And then all of a sudden there's this wacky reality show about a dude who collects tigers.

And everybody's telling you you have to see it. Yeah. And they were right. It was great, but they just caught lightning in a bottle. They hit the perfect spot. Yeah,

they were like HBO by accident. Yeah. For once. For one show. Yeah, Tiger King was a hit. I mean,

they've had a couple hits too though. Yeah, but that one was like everywhere. for president. No, they're trying to. State sends back his paperwork

because he's not on the presidential ballot in Colorado. Colorado's like, no, son. Fuck out of here. Goddamn. The smelling salts, man. I'm just coming back to normal. Yeah, I'm just, it still burns a little bit.

Yeah, my right nostril's still a little lit up. But boy, I'm breathing good. Yeah, it cleaned you out. Is that what that's for? I think that's what that's for. Well, I think it's just the central nervous stimulant. The idea is that

you get that jolt of it and your whole body's like, ah! And then you get fucking rawr! Yo, do that in the cold plunge. Mm. Ah! Oh, my God.

I don't even know if people are fainting. Oh, my God. They used to break it out when you faint. Then you put it up and you wake up. But then people

start doing other shit. Of course. But imagine waking up. Now you got break it out when you faint. Then you put it on your self and you wake up. But then people started doing other shit. Of course. But imagine waking up. Now you've got a concussion and you can't breathe. What is the purpose of amyl nitrate? Because those were poppers. And people would take amyl nitrate and they would pop it under their nose and sniff it. And it would get really high.

I know it's a sex thing. It's used to... It makes you want to... Vasodilator. Vasodilator. Vasodilator is a medicine that causes blood vessels in the body to dilate

and involuntary smooth muscles to relax, lowering blood pressure and loosening up that booty hole. That's what... Apparently, that was a big thing in the gay community

and contributed to... I guess it really fucks you up. I think amyl nitrate, I think it gives you brain damage. Also a cyanide poisoning antidote. Oh, wow. Also, if you get cyanide poisoning, you crack one of those babies? One of those things from the 20s and 30s. I don't know if people get cyanide poisoning these days.

I remember there was always the fucking spy that had a fake tooth and there was a cyanide pill in there. It's illegal to sell. It's like a sex thing. So they sell it. Yeah, so it's VCR head cleaner is what they sell. Oh, God. So that's how they sell it.

Oh, God. So it's like if you go into a porn store or an adult store, it's the only thing in there that'll help that's a VCR product. That's hilarious. But it's definitely not poppers. It's not for sniffing for sex. Right. That's like bath salts.

It's a cleaning of VCR, which everyone has. Oh, yeah, bath salts. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Is that a sex thing? Well, bath salts was a drug, like an amphetamine-type drug, like a designer drug that they were selling that you could buy at like fucking 7-Eleven. You'd buy it like a supermarket or like a convenience store, gas station store. And these things, they would say, not for human consumption, bath salts.

And it was like an amphetamine, and people were smoking it. You don't remember that? I remember bath salts being a thing, but I never was like an amphetamine and people were smoking it. You don't remember that? I remember bath salts being a thing but I never was like into it. So I don't, I was never into it.

Well, it was in the news because like some dude was on bath salts and he ate some guy's face. Yeah. But wasn't that, that wasn't,

ended up not being because of the bath salts. Oh, he's fucking insane. He was insane, right. But the bath salts definitely didn't help.

I mean, if you're on meth and you're insane. If you're already prone to some kind of delusional shit, it's just going to make it worse. What were bath salts? I think it was more than one different chemical because it's not regulated. I'm making sure it wasn't this stuff. But can you actually use bath salts for baths?

No. Okay, so it's all bullshit. No. I mean, if you did, you'd probably die. Synthetic. All that bath salts would get into your skin you'd probably die. Synthetic. Probably all that bath salts would get into your skin from the warm water.

All that meth. You take a meth bath. Yeah, it'll get in your skin. You think it's just a meth bath? It's like all... Well, if you did it that way, if you did pour it into hot water, it would most likely get in your...

It would get in your holes for sure. It's a synthetic version of this drug. Yeah. It was most likely getting in your holes for sure. It's a synthetic version of this drug. Cat. Oh, that's what the Somali pirates take. Can you make that larger? What does cat do? Does this make you want to? It's like an amphetamine.

Cathinone is a monoamine alkaloid found in the shrub Cathus edulis, and it's chemically similar to ephedrine. Ephedrine. Is it ephedrine? Ephedrine. Ephedrine. Is it ephedrine? Ephedrine. Ephedrine. Caffeine, meth, methcathinone. Caffeine, methcathinone, and other amphetamines.

So it's an amphetamine. It's probably the main contributor to the stimulant effect of cathis edulis, also known as cat. So cathinone is bath salts. Synthetic cathinone. Synthetic cathinone. Synthetic cathinone. Marketed as bath salts. Should not be confusing products such as Epsom salts, which people use during bathing.

Yeah, so I wonder how many people bought it and thought it was actual bath salts and poured it in the bath. I bet they did. Because if it says bath salts, some really fucking stupid person Doesn't know They were breaking into buildings

To get that shit back in like 2011 The bath salts Yeah Yeah that's why like If you mention If you mention that a drug Is killing people People want to buy it

Yeah people want it Yeah K2 was big at the same time Remember that What was K2 An herb like substance That people smoked Instead of weed That they sprayed shit on.

Do you remember that? Me either. And then they kept changing what they were spraying on it every so often because it would get outlawed. Do you remember this? Oh. It was then also the salvia. Then people were like, oh, is it like the salvia shit that we're smoking? Salvia.

It's not like that. That is not the same thing. Salvia is strong. I've done salvia once, and I... Yeah. Salvia is real. I mean, that is a real fucking drug. Spice, they also call it.

Salvia might be the strongest. In terms of its effect, it may be the strongest drug I've ever taken. But do you know that salvia is... It's either in the family of sage or... What do you want? Tiss that salvia is either in the family of sage or what do you want? Tissues. It's either in the sage family or it is sage.

Like salvia divinorum I think is, which is interesting because sage, we've always thought of wise old sage like some ancient wisdom and the fact that it's actually a psychedelic. Is that the same thing? If you buy sage, is that salvia?

No. Is it a version of it? It's just called diviner's sage or seer's sage. It's not an actual sage? I mean, it's a plant. It's a shrub. I don't know. Maybe it's like a... Oh, okay. But that stuff, you used to be able to buy it

everywhere. I couldn't believe it. It's so powerful. Dude, so the first time I did it, I remember, like I thought that my body had shattered into like little millions of mini-me's. And I was like panicking trying to keep myself together in one. That's what Sage is called, Salvia. Oh, so it's related somehow it says salvia often so salvia divinorum is the salvia that is um yeah okay and so that's a different kind of salvia that's sage yeah that must be like salvia has got to be some sort of it's the genus so that's

like at least so somehow another largest yeah yeah okay um you know that people you people use that drug to like try to be shaman but like yeah i took some salve this is what i saw that's your future it's like oh my god all right because you will see some crazy shit i um there was a girl with me doing it the first time i did it and she wanted to do hers in the bathtub filled with pillows she's like oh it'd be so cool. They put her in there and she took the hit and we closed the door and she screamed for like 30 seconds. She thought she was falling

in the bottomless pit. See, the thing about salvia is this is why salvia is so powerful because it's the only drug I've ever taken where it is impossible for you to realize that you're on drugs. You, whatever, it only lasts for, you know, 30 seconds or so,

but you think that shit is happening. Like, there's no doubt in your mind, there's no point where you can stop and be like, it's okay, I'm on salvia. You know, like, if you do too many mushrooms, or you do too much, like, I'm just real high. No, on salvia, you're like, this is happening. I'm literally falling into the obese. Somebody kicked me into the pit from 300 oh my god man did you uh did you ever see the video

of ari where he took salvia on red band show he took salvia on red band show and said he lived another life for months he said he had friends he went went to work, he had relationships, all this different shit, and then he woke up. He was gone, he said, for months. And it was like 10 minutes. So he just tripped balls for 10 minutes. I encourage everyone to watch it. He was taking long rips, and he didn't take the first one good enough, so he took another hit, and then this is like the start, a five-minute video where he just starts slipping away.

Yeah, he just went into another dimension, lived a different life. Coming back is where things start getting real different. That's what freaks me out. Like, what if that's really what's going on? What if there's, like, multiple Brian Simpsons living in multiple realms all over the world right now? And that's what dreaming is? All over the universe.

Is you just connecting to your different bodies? Connecting to your consciousness, to different portals. Yeah. Well, I think there's a lot to that belief that, like, the fact that we are all separate beings is an illusion. Yeah. You're just a little piece that's living a little piece, but you're connected to everything.

Do you think that there's a purpose to this struggle then? If we're all connected in some ways, what is everyone struggling? What is that facilitating? What's that creating that's necessary? Why is that happening? What's the overall purpose of that if we're all connected? I don't think there is a purpose. No?

No. But it's doing something. Overall purpose of that if we're all connected. I don't think there is a purpose. No, no I think doing something the need the need for purpose is a human affliction The need to for things to mean something, you know, right? It's like what you see, you know, would you see a You know when you see a shark Either or you see a killer whale eat a seal you don't go. What does it mean? Right and the whales definitely not thinking that you know, it's like they're just being right. I don't go what does it mean right and the whale's definitely not thinking that you know it's like they're just being right i don't think there's a purpose i think we just are the purpose is to experience right but the thing that's happening with human

beings with this this struggle and this like conquering resources and all the different one of the things they're doing is they're they're constantly creating new and better things and it seems to like an overall purpose of the human race i just wonder if somehow or another that competition is what facilitates this increase in technology and innovation part of it is because of the competition part of it is because of the fact that we don't get along like There's this struggle that creates movement. Well, human beings, we need competition to survive. Yeah. If you were ever in charge of a big group of people,

the best thing to do is to break them into two teams and keep score. Yeah. I think it's something human nature. We need an enemy for us to unite that's what like you know America was never more together than like the month after 9-11 yeah for sure right cuz like oh now there's a them mm-hmm and we all feel justified cuz we don't know better remember the American flags and everybody's car yeah yeah people listening to country music they never had we We'll put a boot in your ass.

Right? People got very excited about it. So it's like, I think that's just how people are built up. They did that to us in the military. You have, you know, it's like, well, obviously we're all the same unit. We're all the same big unit with the same mission. But, you know, it's your company versus my company. It's your platoon versus my platoon.

It's your squad versus my squad within the platoon? And it's like the competition, it pushes people. Yeah, for sure. Everybody wants to win. Winning feels great. Triumph. Yeah. That's the best shit ever.

When you watch another person triumph, you feel it. Like when Izzy beat Perea, we felt that shit. We were in the mothership green room. I think you were calling the fights. Yeah. But man, that moment. Yeah.

We lost our shit in there, man. And we were all looking at like a laptop screen and everybody was like, ah, ah, ah. And then the speech he gave afterwards,

like everything was just so perfect and you felt that fucking. That's the, as good as entertainment ever gets. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I just wish,

he just, I wish I wish you could have this feeling yeah I was like oh I know that feeling oh man but at his level oh man

that's gotta be the best of the world redemption overcoming the demon revenge revenge flatlining the demon all the worst things

all the most he triumphed over like three things in that one moment and he triumphed over the guy stylistically, all the most, he triumphed over like three things in that one moment. And he triumphed over the guy stylistically, which is the most dangerous opponent for him. And here's the other thing, what I love so much about that moment,

you gotta love, this is what I love about Izzy, is he knows how to be an entertainer. A lot of the fighters don't realize that, it's like, you have to be... The greatest part was the arrows when he shot the arrows into his body. What was so beautiful about that moment to me is he won in the same position

that he lost the last time. The last time he got in that position where he was getting welled on up against the fence, he lost. And then he got put back right in that same position and had a fucking plan for it. Yeah, it was perfect. Did you see the videos of him drilling that? Oh, no.

He drilled that. He drilled that over and over again. Back to the rows, right hand. Back to the rows, right hand. Oh, wow. Of course. Tons of video of him with his back to a wall in training throwing that right hand.

Of course. He went over the videos. He saw the hole. He went over the videos. He saw the hole. You know, he went over the fights. He saw the style. The style is so different. Look at this. So they planned this.

And look how the guy's fighting. He's fighting like Pajero. Literally the same right hand off the cage. exact right hand did it perfect but that's also the same right hand that he landed at the end of the first round so the end of the first round in the first mma fight he had paella in real trouble but then the bell rang he would have had him right there it's basically had him in the same trouble he had him with the first right hand where he knocked him out in the second fight yeah because it was the second shot that put him in the same trouble. He had him with the first right hand where he knocked him out in the second fight Yeah, because it was the second shot

They put him away the first shot rocks him the second shot puts him in in the hammer and they actually have a lot of Respect for each other. Oh, yeah, but the thing is, you know, I always I always feel bad for the foreign fighters Or I would say I'll say this what fighters were English is not their first language Or I'll say this. We're fighters where English is not their first language when it comes to the shit-talking game. Because it's so cultural. And if you're not immersed enough in American culture, that trash talk. Because Perreo was probably saying some shit where, like, if you speak Portuguese, you're like, Perreo ain't talking that shit.

But in English, it doesn't translate. You know, like, it's not the same thing. He's like, oh, a man with two horses. It's like, that's not, it's not coming across. You know what I mean? In Brazil, like, he talking that shit. You can't talk shit with Izzy in English because you don't, you can't keep up.

No. Yeah. Yeah, he has to get by just on his talent. I mean, his draw is just his destruction ability. Oh, he is talented. Oh, he's so talented. He's moving up, right? I believe so.

It's interesting. Anderson Silva said he thought it was a mistake. Moving up? Yeah. I didn't read the article. I just read the headline. It said Anderson Silva thought it was a mistake for him to move up to 205, which is interesting because I don't know if that's necessarily true.

I think he's going to dominate. Well, the problem is wrestlers. The problem is wrestlers because Izzy had him in some real bad positions in that first fight. Anderson Silva, not a fan of Pajero's move to 205. He wanted Pajero to win back the middleweight title before moving to light heavyweight. I think that cut is too much. I think that cut is real bad for him. He's a huge man.

It's so bad for you. And I think he cut is too much. I think that cut is real bad for him. He's a huge man. It's so bad for you. And he's, I think he's 35 now. There's a, you know, at a certain age, like, your body just does not want to do that anymore. You're killing yourself one day before a cage fight. I was over getting punched in the face in my 20s. The last time I got punched in the face, I was like, I don't like that. I'm not going to do it on purpose. Especially getting punched in the face by that guy or either one of those guys.

But you know what? He's facing Jan Bohovic, which is a fucking wild fight. That's going to be a problem. And Jan Bohovic is a very good grappler, too. So, I mean, he dominated Izzy on the ground. And Jan, you know what, too? Jan is very good at game planning. Oh, yeah.

You know? He's also got tremendous power. Yeah. Fucking tremendous power tremendous Polish power. But he doesn't always show up. Well, I think, you know, if you look at the Glover to share a fight, that's a fight where he you know, you could say he didn't show up. But I don't think that's the case. I think that Glover is just that good.

Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, especially that was like Glover's kind of last swan song. He won the title. Well, he just didn't. He didn't. OK, maybe he didn't show up. It's not fair.

Jan, I would never say that to you in person. I would say he didn't seem as locked in as he did when he fought Izzy. I think, I genuinely think that that's just how good Glover is. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, I think Glover's a beast. He's just in his 40s,

but he's still a fucking animal, man. And in that fight, when he won the title, he was stellar. I mean, if you watch the performance, you watch how he catches Jan with a left hand, how he takes him down,

how he takes his back, I mean, you can't really put it against Jan. I think he got clipped. You think he's gonna be done anytime soon? Glover or Jan? Glover.

Yeah, I think Glover's done. Yeah, Glover retired after Jamal Hill boxed him up. Jamal Hill showed him, I think, that at the top of the light heavyweight division now, these young guys, especially a talented striker like Jamal, it's just too much. Fighting, more than any other sport, the UFC moves the fastest in terms of the next generation adopting. Yeah, because I seriously believe it's true of fighting, comedy, whatever. I think the current generation's amazing becomes the next generation's basics.

And then they build, and then that becomes their basics. And so the amazing shit they do is even more amazing. It's like basketball, right? Where it's like, I remember seeing Michael Jordan, when he went up on one side of the basket, brought it back down and came back, and I had never seen anybody do that before. It was amazing.

And now, you can't even be in the NBA if you can't do that. If you're a point guard in the NBA, you have to be able to do that. It's the basics, you know what I mean? You know what Killer Mike showed us yesterday? What? Michael Jordan's brother. You know, Michael Jordan had a brother who was a bad motherfucker.

He said he was better than him. Well, a lot of Michael's moves you see his brother do. Fade away jump shots. Where's his brother? His brother's smaller than him. Oh, his brother's just smaller than him. Yeah. But his brother's a killer player.

I don't know whatever happened with him. If he played professionally, I don't know what happened. But the dude was fucking good. But the other thing we were saying yesterday, imagine having that brother as a sparring partner. He's only 5'8". He's only 5'8". But also imagine him not being famous too in some way.

I know. Yeah. It's like for me to not know who he was until just now. Or yesterday for me, yeah. That seems kind of crazy. Like, maybe he should have, like, you know, the Children's Jordans or something like that. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying?

You think he would, like, slide in something. Right. Some kind of way to make a... Yeah, I don't know. Some people just want everybody to do it for themselves. No, I think it's a smart thing, man. Like, a lot of people don't realize, like, you know how, that, you, because you have the power, you can make someone famous. You know, I've seen you do it to several people.

But some people don't realize that, like, some people that think they want that don't realize what actually comes with it. Yeah, they don't know what it is. Right. So it's like, you know, maybe he just protected him from that. It was like, you don't need to be famous. I'll take care of you. But you don't want that. I doubt it.

Michael Jordan loves being famous. He took care of his brother. He's got a pretty good job. He gave him a job with the team he owned. He played professional basketball, but just not in the NBA. There you go. We just don't know who he is. He's not famous.

Working for the Bobcats. You know. You know. It's a job. Maybe he enjoys it. Maybe he's a more low-key dude. You know. Some people don't want that pressure.

I mean, look, you only live a certain amount of time in this world. How much pressure do you really want? Yeah. Well, the thing, too, is you don't want to be the famous person with a job. To handle being famous, you have to have enough money to protect yourself from the negative side of it. Yes. You know? And you can't just get, you know.

Well, that's why famous reality stars are fucked. Right. They don't have any money. Right. You know, you're not rich enough to deal with being famous. It's because you gotta, or you'll lose your mind. Yeah. And then sometimes they're famous for a little while,

and then they're not on TV anymore, and then they have regular jobs. Remember, there was a couple of those guys from, like, the real world, where, you know, they were infamous on the real world. And then they're just out there in the wild with no money. Right. Famous.

You remember the real gay guy from season four? Yeah, he just delivered. He just dropped off my package. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I get it. But, you know, there's nothing wrong with that. Working the nine to five is an honorable, respectable fucking thing.

For sure. respectable fucking thing for sure but it's like you know i just i i i feel sorry for the generation of like young folks that want to be known yeah but they don't care what they known for well it's a goal right and it's very difficult to get and it's also you're saying like games like people want to win if your your friend has you know a hundred thousand instagram followers and you have 120,000. And you guys are like battling it out to see who's a bigger influencer. And you're doing stunts and shit at the mall and pranks. You know TikTok. So you know how Spotify will pay per listen, per play, and YouTube will pay per views, right?

Well, TikTok doesn't do that. pay per views, right? Well, TikTok doesn't do that. TikTok has a pool of money that only goes to the top 500 people or something like that. I don't know what the exact number is. It's just a fixed amount of money that only goes to the top people.

The top 10, number one gets paid the most, number two gets paid the second most, and so on and so forth. They're literally competing. There's people on there that have like lost their minds because they went from number one to number two.

You know? Wow. Yeah, when you start ranking people, that was the downfall of MySpace. MySpace was just, so people might not remember, the big change in social media was when Facebook started showing you stuff that you weren't,

like showing you stuff from people that you didn't know. Remember at first, MySpace and Facebook was, it was just your friends. Right. And if you wanted to, if I wanted to go to your, if I want to know something about what was going on with you, I had to go to your page and look at what you posted on your page. Right. Then they started just showing you things from your friends' pages. So you didn't have to do that.

Then they started showing you stuff from other people. Instagram, Vine, all this. They were just showing you random stuff. That's when the algorithm was born. When it was like, well, what do we show them? Well, now we see this is what he looks at. They start showing you stuff from strangers. And that's what changed everything.

Now you can be famous. You make one little funny little thing. and you can be known how about that one dude that just has facial reactions to things oh yeah i think his name i forget his name kb yeah kb12 or something that guy's huge and it's and it's good it's funny yeah it's good it's entertaining it's like new age miming it's like he's he's doing exactly he's thinking what we're thinking he's like new age miming. It's like he's doing exactly, he's thinking what we're thinking. He's like. Yeah. And the fact that it's perfectly, like it's a perfect medium for it. Those little short TikTok videos, little short reels. Yeah.

A lot of people got rich during the pandemic off of being entertaining. But that's also like, just what we're talking memes is a different kind of comedy. This is a different kind of entertaining. Yeah. Some people are good at it. Some people are mad about it. Who's mad? You get a phone call?

I don't need that shit. I don't even know who that is. You don't have your shit sent to go to voicemail if you don't know who they are? No. I should do that, huh? Yeah, it's fucked up. No, but I thought I had my shit on Do Not Disturb. Yeah, you go to my voicemail.

Guess what? It's not even set up. Why did it ring, though? Why? I don't know. It should... Yeah, it's on Do Not Disturb. So they must have called multiple times. It's probably some scammer.

Yeah. Trying to tell you about a fortune that you're missing out on. All the time. Nobody calls me. Most of my phone calls are... My mom is the only person that calls me. I like calling people when I'm in the car. It's funny. It depends on their age. People under 35 don't like phone calls. Really? Fuck no.

Fuck no. But yet they FaceTime each other all the time. Right. To them, that's different. But that's also the next level of intimacy. Right. If I could FaceTime you. Yeah.

We don't know each other like that. I'm going to FaceTime you? Yeah. Yeah, because if you Face... You know what it is? When you FaceTime... Tom and I talked about this on his podcast. But it's like an unsolicited FaceTime, when is it appropriate? Who can do it?

Right. And we didn't solve it on the pod, but we came up with the solution. The answer is you have to have seen my dick or interacted with my dick. Like for you to just FaceTime me unsolicited, you know, that covers wife, kids, medical professionals. Right. Those are the only people that should be best friends. The only people contacting me FaceTime without warning me first. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, but someone that's a casual acquaintance and they FaceTime me unless they have a good friend of yours with you. Yeah, because if you FaceTime me that means I can't do anything else

while I'm talking to you. Right. You know, if I'm just talking to you audio I can be still doing other stuff. But FaceTime is a commitment. It's like, okay, this is,

I'm taking your time and you know, you can't multitask. Yeah. So what is this about? I just wanted to see your face. That's not good enough. Only FaceTime me if it's something for me to see.

We don't need to be looking at each other to talk to each other. Yeah, and FaceTime, they can drag on too and you're holding that thing up in front of you and you're like,

okay, I gotta go. I'm tired of doing this. Man, I stopped trying to think of clever little lies. I was like, hey man, I'm gonna go ahead and get up off of here.

How do you FaceTime on an Android? What do you mean? When someone FaceTimes you. Do you panic? No, no, no. man, I'm going to go ahead and get up off of here. How do you FaceTime on an Android? What do you mean? When someone FaceTimes you, do you panic? No, no, no. So if I get a FaceTime from an Apple thing, I can just click a link and FaceTime them. But does it look shitty? But Google has like Google Meet and then there's Discord.

I mean, not Discord. What was the shit that got popular during the pandemic? Zoom. Zoom. Yeah. But usually Google has google meet yeah so and if and if not i get a link and i said and i just go anyway i don't think i can do it the other way around i don't think i can send you a google meet link really i don't think so that seems like silly i figured out thumbs up

or liking the text messages on both yeah yeah finally thumbs up a green well it's just apple it's just apple holding that walled garden right they won't allow you to send i messages on both of us now. Yeah. Finally thumbs up a green message. Well, it's just Apple. It's just Apple holding that walled garden, right? They won't allow you to send iMessages on any other device. No. Because then you would just get a Samsung phone and send iMessages to your Apple friends. All right. I'm going to try to FaceTime you from here. Okay.

Don't call it FaceTime, though, because it's some bullshit Google thing. Stop lying to yourself. All right. I think this is it, right? Okay, go ahead. Okay, I sent you the invite. Did you get it? Nope.

It is weird. Some apps, you get a phone call on an app, and it just shows up like your phone's ringing, and you're like, hold on, what is this? Someone's calling me from WhatsApp? How the fuck did that happen? Oh, see, I can't initiate it. Interesting. Seems like it's not working. It's not working. How the fuck that happen? Oh, see, I can't initiate it. Hmm. Hmm. Interesting.

Seems like it's not working. It's not working. It sucks. Not working. Womp womp. How close have you come to switching to the dark side? Oh, honestly? I really, really thought about it the other day.

Really? Because my cat went missing for a day. Oh, it didn't have an air tag right well she the bitch won't wear a collar she's real like

anti-control you know what I'm saying but there is one there is a certain kind of collar that I could force her to keep on

like she would be she would fucking hate it like she doesn't but there's just

way more options because the way air tax because samsung has this version of air tax called smart tax but the way they work is they don't actually have gps on them themselves they just connect to any nearby samsung or apple device and there's way more iphones So it'll just ping and it'll let the nearest iPhone device and it's all connected to a network so Apple can tell me, you know, basically if you get an invite going, your AirTag is here

it means someone with an iPhone walked past that place. Someone else with an Apple product was nearby. That's all it can tell you. Really? Yeah. So when you get like the last location of an AirTag thing, it just means there was an Apple product near that shit.

So in America, Apple has the domination. So it's like, if I had put a Samsung AirTag on her collar, it's just less chances that I'll get an accurate location

of where she is. Right. So I really seriously thought about it because I'm serious about my cat. I love that bitch. But I just, just the whole ecosystem. Also, you don't want your cat to have to wear a collar if it's going to piss her off. She's wild. Bruh.

She don't like it. She don't like being constrained in any way. Yeah. All that sniffy stuff. And people try to come over like, no don't like being constrained in any way. Yeah. Nah, all that sniffy, and people try to come over like, no, I'm real good with cats and they pick her up.

Wow. Fuck off me, bitch. I try to tell them this cat different. They got to sedate her at the vet. Wow. Yeah,

just to do basic shit. They got to sedate her. Wow. Yeah, she's wild. I give her CBD drops before we go up in there because she don't,

she don't play that shit. And I get it. I'm like, she wild. Yeah, she's a wild cat. She's wild. She's wild, yeah. Yeah, you can't put a collar on her anyway. Don't do it.

Don't do it. But like I said, she a smart girl. She's been going outside for years. She knows what to be scared of. Yeah, there's not a whole lot of coyotes in Austin proper either. It's really out in the hills. Yeah, but you know what though no because i i forget they got ron white's dog remember that documentary i told you about

about the coy wolves mm-hmm what they were they were they were talking about how like they're coyotes in every every major city oh you just don't see they're so good at staying in the shadows and in hiding but they're everywhere there's a great book on it called Coyote America. Oh, man. They're everywhere, right? Yeah, I had the author on the other day. It's really an amazing story. Why don't they kill them?

Is it a huge part of the ecosystem? They're just smart. This is the thing. When they killed off the wolves, the wolves were the one thing that was kind of keeping the coyotes. What happened is gray wolves and coyotes don't breed, but coyotes breed with red wolves, which are East Coast wolves. So the coy wolves that you see are predominantly, they're East Coast wolves that breed with coyotes. But will a gray wolf breed with-

They'll kill coyotes. But will they breed with a coy wolf? Will they breed with a mixed- No. Oh. It's a different, I guess a genus or subspecies. I'm not sure exactly what the term would be but it's a different animal and the coyote When coyotes basically a wolf it's just a small wolf and when coyotes get killed

They what happens is they do roll call when they scream out at night sometimes and when one of them is missing It forces the female to have more babies. So they'll have larger litters. And then they spread their territory out. And so through persecution, like when they're trying to get them out of places, what they've made them do is expand to everywhere. And now coyotes are in every single city in North America.

Wow. They're in New York City. Coyotes are in Boston. They're everywhere. And that wasn't the case 50, 60 years ago. It's like it's happened over the course of time where they keep choice. Get out of my lawn. Bang, bang.

They shoot them. And then the female coyote have more babies. And then you got a bigger problem. And they were everywhere in LA. Yeah. But the way he was explaining it, it's an evolutionary thing because gray wolves, when they encountered coyotes, they would kill them. And so coyotes, in order to compete with the larger, more vicious gray wolves, they just had to have more babies. So they expand their territory and they have more babies.

So this strategy of persecuting them and chasing them down and killing them, it just makes more coyotes. But isn't there not enough food for more more coyotes they're eating everybody's cats right they're eating cats and dogs i mean in la that's like probably the number one reason why dogs and cats go missing it's coyotes and if they're hungry enough they'll walk right up to you and take your dog oh yeah they snatch them off people's leashes especially old people walking a little dog what are you gonna? It's a little small wolf. It's a 30-pound wolf. You ain't going to stop that thing from running off with your poodle.

And the thing is, if you was to hurt one of those wolves, I mean one of those coyotes, even if it was attacking your dog, people would still be like, animal. They'd be mad at you. Yeah, you'd kill it. Yeah, people are weird when they don't have a real understanding of what wild animals are. They just have this anthropomorphized Disney version of what animals are until you encounter one. You hear about that guy in Arizona a couple days ago that got eaten by a bear? No.

He got killed by a bear while he was having coffee. He's just camping out, having a good time, and this bear just runs up on him and starts fucking him up. And no one had a gun. They're trying to stop it. No one had a gun? No one had a gun. Inzona in arizona i didn't even know they had bears see if you can get the story yeah they have black bears like a desert bear black bears there's a lot of black bears in arizona arizona is not all desert there's a lot of woods in arizona arizona man was mauled to death by a black bear and a rare unprovoked attack so he's just out there camping

and the guy just fucking drinking his coffee and this bear runs up on him. From multiple witness accounts and preliminary investigation of the scene, Mr. Jackson had been sitting having a coffee at a table on his property where he was building a home. Oh, I thought he was camping. The sheriff's office, oh, so that's what the camper is. So the camper is just like where he was operating on him. The sheriff's office said in a Facebook post adding, it was a remote, heavily wooded area. It appears a male black bear attacked Mr. Jackson, taking him unaware and dragged him approximately 75 feet down an embankment.

Neighbors heard Jackson screaming, tried to help through shouts and car horns, but the bear did not release him until a neighbor shot him with his rifle. Oh, so some guy did shoot him. But unfortunately, at that time, Mr. Jackson succumbed to his horrible injuries. Oh, my God. That's the thing about black bears. Black bears are more likely to be predatory attacks. But imagine not starting with

the gun. I mean, that's the first thing. Shoot him. I mean, he had to probably run back to his house and get the gun. Maybe the gun was in a safe. That's tough. How does a bear catch you unawares? They can do it, man, if they're hungry. So if if that bear was predatory that means that bear was really hungry so it was like sneaking yeah they smell you maybe he was cooking imagine a stealthy bear that's one of the scariest things on the planet well if the dude had coffee maybe he had breakfast before he had coffee and

the smell of the breakfast was coming out of his little camper. That's how you get, when they bait bears, they burn things and put things in the air to get the bears to come. Like when they bait them, when they bait them with donuts and shit like that, they do that in certain places where it's heavily wooded areas, and literally the only way to hunt black bears is to bait them.

So you set up bait stands, and you consistently feed those bears at that spot all the time. Like you drop by food every couple times a week yeah they know that that's the spot and so then you go and you wait in front of that spot it's very dirty it's a dirty game sometimes they're waiting on your ass sometimes they are remember you didn't you wasn't you telling me about the whales that learn how to orcas yeah they've learned how to fuck people's boats up.

That's so funny to me. It's crazy. It's kind of hilarious. Because for all these years, we've been mistreating them. And finally, they're like, enough. I'm going to start fucking up your boats. And they're real smart creatures. Oh, yeah. And they're probably teaching every whale in the ocean how to do that shit.

Probably. At least the whale's there. I think it's only one part of the world where this is happening right now. But the problem is the word gets out. Yeah, they have those songs they sing, and they go hundreds of kilometers, and that's how they tell each other. Hey, we fucking people up over here. Did you see that video of the people in a kayak and a whale swallows them? No.

These people are whale watching, and there's a whale down there, and the whale literally swallows the entire kayak with the people in it. So they weren't good at it. And then spits them out. The whale doesn't want to eat a kayak. But how you whale watching it? You don't see the motherfucker does it? Well, I think that's how they were whale watching. Look at this. Literally just takes the kayak. Oh, wow.

Maybe he's annoyed with them. Maybe the kayaks are fucking up their fishing. Look at that. Bro. That shit just broke your back. California beach. Oh, yeah. Easily could snap your legs in half. Easily could snap your neck.

But they don't eat meat, right? No. But, I mean, just the power alone. How does it know what it's doing? It's not gentle. I mean, hopefully you still got hope it'll spit you up. Hoping. Yeah.

Hoping. Is that the same video? Yeah. Look at that. That's from a different angle. Fucking insane. This happened three years ago, hoping. Yeah, hoping. Is that the same video? Yeah, look at that. That's from a different angle. Fucking insane. This happened three years ago then. Did it really? Yeah.

Oh, no kidding. That's weird. I'm good on all this. Supposed to be 2020. That's weird. I'm good on all this. I know it went viral again, which has been happening with quite a few videos. So you see all the fish that's there?

You see all the fishes in the water flapping around? That's why the birds are there? See all that? That splashing shit? That's fish. So the whale's trying to eat the fish and these cocksuckers in this kayak. Did they survive? Yeah. He spit them out. Oh, lucky for them.

He wanted the fish. He didn't want a kayak. Were any of them seriously injured? I don't know. Good question. Good question. I don't get it. I don't get these people that need life-risking activities. They don't think it's life-risking.

No. I mean, this is in the top... Like, if going down to the bottom of the ocean in an experimental sub is number one, this is on that list. This is top ten. Did you see the guy in the kayak that got attacked by a tiger shark? No.

He's in the kayak rowing, and you see this tiger shark just engulf half the side of his boat. Was he shark watching? No, he was fishing. Oh, okay. He was fishing in his kayak. Watch this. Look, his foot's in the water too, man. Right?

Look at this. Tiger shark! Tiger shark ran me. Holy. Watch this. So his foot. So his foot's in the water, right? That's the paddle is to the left, but his foot was in there too.

Look at that thing. Oh, so he was like waving it like this he thought the shark thought it was food yeah shark probably thought it was a seal or some shit they're not smart yeah bro I don't get it I don't get this this this desire to thrill see look at this in slow motion leave this at this thing come up. Fucking A, man. Thank God that wasn't inflatable, too. Whoa. What did I hear?

There's a shark shit. Some sharks attacked a boat recently. You know about the dude in Egypt that got eaten? I heard about it. You didn't see that? It was one of the bottom of the barrel towers, but I didn't know what the fuck they were talking about. That was a rough one. This dude is in Egypt, and he's off the shore. Netflix crew's whole boat exploded after back-to-back shark attacks in Hawaii.

Like something out of Jaws. Oh, my God. I think they were filming it, so we'll probably not see it until they make this. Oh, Our Planet 2, so that would probably be really good. Wow. Yeah, I heard it was right out of Jaws. So it was a shark attack, a shark attack, and then the boat exploded. Well, it was attacking the boat.

Yeah, if it exploded because of the gas, then yeah, that's right out of Jaws. Is they saying exploded, or are they saying it just fell apart? I think fell apart. I think they said a rubber dinghy. Can you scroll back down a little bit? It says, Nolan said the crew was only about 328 feet from the shore, so they were able to make it safely to land, though barely. On land, they patched up the boat and deployed a rubber dinghy.

That was attacked by giant trevallies, marine fishes that can grow up to 6 feet long and weigh more than 100 pounds. That attack knocked out the dinghy's motor. What the fuck, man? What's going on over there? The behavior of the sharks they encountered was extremely unusual, Nolan told Radio Times. They were incredibly hungry, so there might not have been enough natural food, and they were just trying anything that came across in the water.

Wow. It said it was just released, so it should be out. Let me check. Let's go to the Egyptian guy, though, first. The Egyptian guy's rough because he's screaming for his dad. He's, like, yelling, Papa, while he's getting eaten alive by sharks just, like, 100 yards offshore. And apparently this area. Now, did we find out if that's true?

Someone had told me that that area that they had dumped sheep carcasses into the ocean in that area. To attract the sharks. I don't think they did it on purpose. I think they just wanted to get rid of the sheep carcasses. Oh, okay. And the dad was on the shore. Fishing? No, they were just hanging out at a beach.

Oh. It's at a resort. Wow. It's horrible. And you have to see it. I want to see it. I was trying to find you. Wait a minute.

This is a child? No, it's a young man. Oh, okay. I can watch a young man die. It's a rough one. Here it is. Warning graphic content. And it is fucking graphic.

So this dude. Is that the dude? I think so. That's not graphic. That's him before? Oh, no. Oh, this is sad. Okay, come on. Yeah, it's sad. Why is that the dude? I think so. That's him before? Oh, no. Oh, this is sad. Okay, come on.

Yeah, it's sad. Where's the video? Oh, they're not showing the video of the actual attack? Oh, they're going to mummify the shark. What's the purpose of that? That's the video. So here's the dudes out here. The music is from the beach.

It's a little dark. Look at that. Oh, man. Horrible, man. You hear him yelling, Papa? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at all the red in the water, man.

It's so fucking horrible. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You see, just grab him and take him under. No, I'm good. Oh, my God. Oh, Lord. That's a lot.

That's a terrifying way to go. What's worse, that or the sub people? That. That's worse. That's worse. Sub people would be down there for days. Because the sub people either died instantly or they died falling asleep, running out of air. But that right there, there's terror mixed in with that.

But that's terror being trapped in a... It's also terror that your loved ones are watching you get eaten. Yeah, but the one in the sub is dying with his son. Oh, that's bad too. And it was probably his idea. Yeah, but the one in the sub is dying with his son. Oh, that's bad, too. And it was probably his idea. Yeah, he probably talked to him. I'll take you on an adventure. You're going to be a real man like your father.

Yeah. You're going to the bottom of the ocean like a fucking explorer. Man, I don't know. That's tough. That's tough. What's about it, Jamie? I'm reading about the shark attack in Hawaii with the Netflix crew. They were in an area where they were tracking baby albatross chicks, and they had an idea

to get a good shot of tiger sharks who were about to feed on them. So they took two smaller inflatable boats out. And that's what got attacked. Oh, my God. That's why they exploded. Oh, my God. That's so stupid.

It says they crew panicked and then made an emergency landing on the sand. Oh, my God. Man, I still don't know if there's video of it. It's fine. Yeah, sharks are feeding. Get the fuck out of the water. Yeah, especially don't go out in a boat that they can destroy.

Dude. Yeah. I mean, how many times do people have to see, like, people in shark cages where the shark just slams into the cage and blows it to pieces? I don't know, man. I mean, because, look, this is my thing. The universe is trying to kill us. Like, just the natural mathematics of the universe are deadly to us.

You being on land is, like, one of the handfuls of advantages you have as a human being. Yeah. Don't leave land. Like, that's anything where you've got to leave the surface is you're taking unnecessary risk that goes against everything. You know? Your one advantage is on land. Anything where you got to leave the surface is you're taking unnecessary risk that goes against everything. Your one advantage is on land. You got all the disadvantages in the water, in space,

10,000 feet deep. It's like, just stay on Earth. But those surfers, the way they describe that feeling of riding that wave out there on the power of the ocean. You know what I've never heard somebody describe? What? What it's like to get eaten by a shark.

Because they never survive. They always did. I don't think that's worth it. Catch, I mean, but you know what? You're right. I don't know what catching a wave is like. You know? Because people feel the same way.

They see us doing stand-up and they go, I could never do that. It's so terrifying. It's pretty easy. It's pretty fun. To you, right? Yeah, but it's like to a surfer, you probably, sharks are nothing. You have no idea what it's like.

Right. And I can understand that feeling. I bet that has to be what it's like because they're all kind of peaceful people. It's interesting. There's something about surfing that just brings about like, there's a spiritual connection to the ocean. Oh, no, they're not all peaceful. Surfers? Well, they're violent sometimes. A lot of surfers are trash, Oh, no, they're not all peaceful. Surfers? Well, they're violent sometimes.

A lot of surfers are trash, right. Really, they're real protective about. But the really good ones, the ones that I've met that are really good, they're like, that's a special mindset. Yeah, okay. Like the Shane Dorians and the Laird Hamiltons. Yeah, they do come up. Yeah.

All those extremist people. Remember the guy, I know you had him on the guy the the free climbing guy oh alex honnold yeah yeah like people like that they all pretty much calm kelly slater same sort of thing yeah beast surfer calm you think that comes chill dude probably like the the humility that comes with being in the ocean all the time yeah i mean if you're literally floating on a piece of styrofoam that's fucking riding a wave in the ocean mean how you have so much humility because like you're completely powerless all you're doing is using your own balance and try

to what what ride the energy of this insane force that's behind you you can't really think you're awesome because you just no matter how awesome you are as a human being you're nothing compared to the just the power of the thing you ride every day. And you have to be able to be calm in one of the most terrifying situations. Yeah, you got to keep your shit together when there's a hundred foot wave over you. You can't be a surfer that panics. No, you got to be able to hold that. Yeah.

to be able to hold that. Yeah. I feel the same way watching the fighters where I'm like, yo, how did you keep it together when you've been in that chokehold for three seconds, two more seconds,

and you out. You're going to lose consciousness. And you're calm. You're still working your hands. It's like they're still thinking when most people would panic. Yeah. I'm impressed by anybody there. I'm impressed by anybody that,

I'm impressed by any expertise. I'm obsessed with, I watch a YouTube video of a motherfucker just putting bricks together. Me too. Just, you see it? I'm like, that motherfucker's good. Yeah, carpentry.

That's 20 years of experience. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, me too. Yeah, expertise. Yeah, I love watching people do things with their hands. Craftsmanship, making watches and shit, little tiny microscope and they're fucking moving little pieces and gears around. I love shit like that.

Just somebody that's dedicated their life to something. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Even schemas and scammers. That's why I like a good bank heist. Mm. You hear the real life stories of like different heists and shit.

Yeah. Some people have outsmarted everybody. That's why you mean like when it comes to bank heists that's why I'm interested in this SBF thing. What is that?

Apparently I just looked at it and we might have got memed out of the actual headline. The memes on the Twitter space were going that he might get all charges dropped, but I think he took 13 down to eight now, and he's still going on trial. Which ones did they get rid of?

I don't know. They could have maybe got overzealous with so many charges that he kept throwing things down, and now this team got it down to accurate charges or something. Right. Good point. Because I'm sure when they go to bring in a person like that, they're probably like double and triple down on charges. One article says it's been worded as temporarily suspended charges.

Interesting. Man, that motherfucker ain't going to prison, man. You don't think so? Maybe he'll go to a nice country club for a little bit. I've never... He's a billionaire, right? Not anymore. Okay.

But he gave away a lot, though. He gave away a lot to the Democratic Party. But being a... I've never seen a billionaire go to prison. Oh, what about Bernie Madoff? Okay, so let me... It's a caveat. The only time I've ever seen someone with that much money go to prison

is when they fuck with other rich people's money. That's what this guy did. Bernie Madoff, the guy from Enron. Yeah. Was he fucking with rich people? Elizabeth Holmes. Yeah, that's a good one. She was sentenced to 135 months, 11 years, 3 months in federal prison for defrauding investors and thermos.

And she's going to prison out here. Yeah. She's going to prison in Texas. Is she? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's not going to be Because there's Maybe she probably Still going to go to

One of those nice ones 11 years And she just had A couple of kids She pumped out A couple of kids Before she went in Which is crazy

Right Imagine having babies Knowing you facing prison I think she's a sociopath Of course she's a sociopath And I think people like that Would think Like if I have a kid

Maybe they're less likely To lock me up for a long time Because they know I'm a mother And listen Y'all might not want to hear Y'all might not want to hear me y'all might not want to hear this out but listen every billionaire should have like a couple of hood dudes on staff because there's a certain kind of bullshit that only they can detect if you you know I'm saying like if you if you'd had if you'd had like a uh if you'd like, a Freddie Gibbs with you when you talked to that bitch, or, like, David Lucas, he would have known right away she was full of shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, a lot of people knew she was full of shit. Well, right, but not the rich guys. Even people inside the company knew she was full of shit. Yeah, she knows how to fool people with money. That's her whole skill. You got to have somebody around you.

You know, they do that in Japan. They got the, you know, their culture is so much respect and bowing and respect. But so they have an American, like a designated American on staff at the big companies. Because they know he'll say shit that everybody else won't.

So he's around to be like, that's bullshit. People are like, ah, he's American, but he's right though. But no one else, you know what I'm saying? Right. Like I watch a thing on Netflix where they do, they play the black boxes. They do like, ah, he's American, but he's right, though. But no one else. You know what I'm saying? Right. I watched a thing on Netflix where they play the black boxes. They do reenactments of plane crashes from the 80s. And one of the problems back then was that the captain of an airplane was like the captain of a ship. You didn't question him. So half of the crashes were because some lower person wasn't empowered to say something.

Do you know that's why they switched Korean airlines? They started making them speak English? Right. Well, wow. Yeah, because in Korea, there's a very specific way of talking to people that are higher above you or more respectful. And then there's boundaries, cultural boundaries that are very difficult to transcend. But when you're speaking English, they don't have that sort of same hierarchy

doesn't exist in the language. Okay, right. And so they realize, this is from, I think it was Malcolm Gladwell's book, where they describe how to get over this problem, they started making them speak English. Oh, I see. Is that true?

Make sure that's accurate. So like in Korean, you say thank you differently to like a superior than you would to a stranger, to you or to a regular person. I get what you're saying. Yeah, you wouldn't question the superior if they said, you know, we're in this direction. You're like, no, we're wrong. This is off. It's a lot like that in Japanese companies.

So a lot of, not all of them, but a lot of them, they have an American for that reason. Here it is. This is books, American for that reason. Here it is. This is a book's illustration for the example, so I don't know that that makes this better, but this is what the book said, I guess. So at the end of the 90s, Korean Air had more plane crashes than almost any other airline around the globe. Cockpit miscommunication has been a persistent factor in these accidents. For example, the Korean Air Flight 801 crash was attributed to the pilot's decision to land despite the junior officer's disagreement, evidence of high power distance, a culture that denotes a heavily hierarchical society. Gladwell argues that this innate behavior of deep reverence towards elders and superiors

highly contributes to cockpit miscommunication, especially on planes designed to be flown by two equals. Unsurprisingly, it's been found the safest airlines are often from the countries whose cultures do not value strict hierarchies. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you were like,

motherfucker, we out of fuel. Right. They would be like, oh, she's right, but when we land, you're fired. Right. You don't talk like that. You know what I mean? Yeah.

It's like, oh, shit. Well, the culture is very different. You know, Korean culture is very different in respect and others. Man, they do a lot of things great over there. They barbecue. Oh, they make great barbecue. They make some goddamn good barbecue over there, man. They're good at kicking.

They're good at kicking, gaming. Half of the e-sports, I know you're not into e-sports, but half of the fucking e-s not into esports but half of the fucking esports teams are Korean. Really? Like it'll be the London team but half of them Korean. Really?

Korean, it's like Korean, Russian, you know, and the Chinese always have their team but like most of the players on the top teams in the world of all esports

are Korean players. Interesting. Because over there there's not shame involved in the culture. They literally have gaming cafes where you don't even own the computer. You just go in and sign in and play. Look at this. This guy's getting a massage.

The elite open school in Seoul. Many students show up to morning classes sleep-deprived after hours of gaming. So he's just out there getting wrecked at night. Yeah. Because they're genuine stars over there. Yeah, it's a real career path, which is pretty wild. It's crazy. Now, what game are they playing?

I think that game is League of Legends. Yeah, that's League of Legends. Starcraft was the other one they used to play. I think League had the largest prize for world champion. What's crazy is the audiences. Massive audiences to see this. Yeah. And they have the very storylines and all of that.

You see the video where the dude dies gaming? He just fucking conks out and dies. He's leaning back. People thought he was asleep and he was dead. He just gamed till he died because it's something there's something about because the bet the best games have they combine a power fantasy with an enjoyable gameplay loop this is this not 2015 this is like real recent oh wow it might actually might not have been real recent. Three days straight? That's how the man dies gaming, and that was the story.

No, this was like the guy died in his chair. There's a video of him in the chair, and he just leans back, and his head falls back, and it looks like he's sleeping, and he's just dead. That's crazy. Three days is a lot. It might have been one of them Instagram things where I don't even know when it was.

The thing is, I'm not good if I don't wash my ass. If I don't feel clean, my aim is off and everything. You got to take a break. It's not healthy behavior. And people have let their children starve to death. But I love it. It's my side pastime, the thing I do when I'm trying to relax. Yeah.

Like Diablo 4 just came out. That shit took my fucking life. I took three days off and I played it for three days. Oh, my God. And I was like, okay, now I got to focus back because I'm filming my special soon. I took three days off and I played it for three days. Oh my God. And I was like, okay, now I gotta focus back because I'm filming

my special soon. I'm filming my special at the Mothership in August. Yeah, I'm excited. Yeah, yeah.

I'm excited. So I'm like, I'm gotta lock in on the special but I was like, I love this game and I'm just gonna take some days and just enjoy it. It's awesome.

Yeah. Hell yeah, you just slaying demons from hell. I haven't seen the graphics in the new Diablo. Oh, it's incredible. Let me you're just slaying demons from hell I haven't seen the graphics in the new Diablo oh it's incredible

let me see Diablo 4 show me some yeah comics and gaming man yeah it's either gaming or wrestling

or something something it's always something it's always something where it's a fantasy yeah fantasy shit a lot of comics

are into pro wrestling yeah in this shit it's a fantasy. Yeah, fantasy shit. A lot of comics are into pro wrestling. Yeah, in this shit, it's like you're literally, you're slaying hordes of demons from hell. You know, and depending on how you set up your character,

you're hitting them with lightning bolts, you're hitting them with fireballs, you're chopping them to pieces. Is it overhead perspective? Yeah, it's overhead perspective.

Oh, so this is what you're seeing when you're playing? Yeah, this is what you're seeing. I think this guy is, it's overhead perspective. Oh, so this is what you're seeing when you're playing? Yeah, this is what you're seeing. I think this guy is a barbarian. So you don't see a lot of barbarians. Now, why don't they make – wouldn't it be more exciting to do this as a first player?

They did that with Skyrim. Yeah? Yeah, they kind of did. But Diablo is kind of a different thing because... Jesus, look at all the numbers. What do those numbers mean? So the numbers are how much damage you're doing, but the different colors mean different hits.

So, like, the yellow is a critical hit. It just means you have a chance... Whatever you hit, you have a chance to do critical damage, which is, like, bonus 150% damage. So what'd you just do out of that box? Did he just grab some stuff? Yeah, the whole thing is you're killing monsters, they're dropping items, or you're opening chests,

they're dropping items, the items make you stronger or give you different powers, and you're trying to combine the right items to do bigger and bigger numbers. And the more you play, the more items you get, so the more power you get. Right, the more powerful items you get. So you get addicted. Yep, and there's get. Right, the more powerful items you get. So you get addicted.

Yep, and there's gambling. Oh, my God. This is ridiculous. Well, this is a real, real high-level guy, real deep into the game. I mean, he's level 78. What level are you? 76. Jesus, so you're right up there.

Yeah, the max level's 100. Wow. There's only 4,000 people that have hit level 100. So are those dudes chasing him, or are they fighting with him? They're chasing him. Oh, wow. Yeah. Nobody's on his team in this.

But you can play with, like, I play with Frank Castillo. And sometimes, like, if he signs on, like, if I'm on and he signs on and he sees I'm playing, he can just jump right in. Oh, and so you guys can team up. Right. We can team up. We can be on my team. And you talk shit to each other? Yeah, or we coordinate

for example like you can't really see because he's killing them so fast but sometimes he hits the monster and they turn purple. Purple means they're vulnerable. It means they take more damage but you can have other skills

that do better other shit when the monster's vulnerable so I'll make everybody vulnerable and Frank has some skill that exploits that. And so we kind of team it up, you know? Little stuff like that. Sounds like a great way to waste your life. It's such a waste of time, yeah.

It seems so addictive. But it's super addictive. But it's fun. It's also very fun. And so they didn't send me no merch. I would like some merch, Diablo people. They're so good at making things, like the more you play it, the more you get. Well, that's what I was telling you is the perfect games are the ones where they have – it's a power fantasy in a fun loop.

Because basically, you know, you're playing hours and hours and you're doing the same thing over and over again. You're just killing hordes of monsters. Right. the same thing over and over again. You're just killing hordes of monsters. Right. But the reward for that is spaced out just enough where you want it. Because when you level up, it goes ding!

And your guy goes, ah! And then everything dies. Everything around you dies. Whenever you level up, everything dies. So it's like, it's this big event. And you level up and you're like, oh shit, now I can go put points into this power. Because there's a whole skill tree.

So you unlock points to put in the skill tree and it makes, you can change how your skills act and all of this other shit. So it's like the options, the things to do are so varied and the loop is fun and you get rewarded at just the right intervals in that

loop where you want to come back from. You just want one more dungeon, one more hilltop. And then the next thing you know, it's 12 hours later. Next thing you know, it's hours later. I'm getting anxiety just hearing you talk about it. Yeah. But I don't really have that addictive of a personality. Like, I can stop whenever I want.

That's good. Yeah. That's good. Because Duncan didn't. Duncan was gone for long periods of time. The first game like that was EverQuest. Oh, that's what I heard. Yeah.

Yeah. EverQuest and then WoW kind of took that over. But EverQuest originally, I never got into that because I saw it. I seen it ruin people's marriages. Yeah. And they came out with EverQuest 2. I seen that fuck people up. You know, World of Warcraft, I stayed away from it.

I seen it fuck people up. And Diablo 2 fucked me up. And I was like, and Diablo 3 was okay. I didn't really play it that much. But this one has the same little something. It's just the perfect mix of all those things and it makes you... It's just like casinos. Casinos

know when you come in... That's why they put... You don't put money in machines anymore. You put money on a card and that card is on your account. So when you go sit down at that machine, they know, oh, you haven't played today. You know what I mean?

You put your card in that machine and they let you, you know, the four rolls are random and that fifth one you win a little. You know? Because legally someone has to win the jackpot every X amount of rolls. They can go X amount of rolls, someone has to win.

So they set the machine up like that, but everything in between, it's just a game playing with you. You win a little, you lose a little. You play again, you win a lot more than that, but not a significant amount. And that is enough to hook you. Now you're playing more and more. And you win a little, win a little, win a little. But if you sit there long enough, you're going to be out of money.

And that's the whole point. It's all set up to take your money. Yeah. And people voluntarily sign up for it. Yeah. Just for that reward. The rate the lights flash, all that. It goes into all that.

The color of the room, the way the room smells, the way it's set up. It's a maze. Yeah. You ever go to a casino for the first time? It's fucking confusing as fuck. Yeah. It's supposed to be that. It's everything set up for you to spend money and feel comfortable doing it.

And get trapped in there. That's why they walk up and give you a couple drinks. Yeah, lower your inhibitions. Take a chance. Did you see the girl at the poker machine that just pissed herself? No. You ever see that? There's a girl sitting.

Apparently, people at casinos say it happens all the time. People are gambling and they don't want to get up, so they just pee. Yeah. That is wild. A gambling addiction. Look at this lady. She's sitting there. She looks good, too. That is wild. A gambling addiction. Look at this lady. She's sitting there. She looks good, too.

Look, she's just pissing. She's pissing while she's on the phone. She's probably shit-faced, too. Yeah. I guess. But still, you don't know you're pissing on the floor? Probably does not. I think people just piss.

The shitting is worse. Where people are walking through grocery stores and shit falls out of their leg. Oh, I've seen that. Like they're running a marathon? Yeah, I saw one where this guy pulled his pants down in a store and just shot Rocket out of his asshole. How are they shitting on that submarine? Can you imagine that? That's dumb because you're not flushing that toilet.

I bet your anxiety is still high. You're just not. Nah, my dude. That would be torture for me. I'd be like, kill me first. How much water do they have? I mean, you might get dehyd. Nah, my dude. That would be torture for me. I'd be like, kill me first. How much water do they have? I mean, you might get dehydrated down there, too. You might run out of water.

Yeah. I mean, you can't go very many days without water. I think three. Yeah, I mean, how many days? No, seven. I think seven is the max. You can go without water. Fuck.

You can probably make it like a month without food. You can make it longer without food if you're fat. If you're real fat. Yeah. But without water. Fuck. You can probably make it like a month without food. You can make it longer without food if you're fat. If you're real fat. Yeah. But without water, you're done skiing. You're done skiing. But it's a lot easier to find fresh water. Or I'll say you could even risk it and drink contaminated water in an emergency, right?

I guess. It's not just food everywhere. I guess. I'm looking up updates. A retired Navy captain just brought up the point about how cold it probably is down there. Oh, Jesus. Because that doesn't probably have tons of insulation. Oh, Jesus.

And where they're at, this is the water entirely surrounding the ship. Is that freezing or slightly below? When they exhale, their breath condenses. There's frost on the inside of the parts of the submarine. They're all together trying to conserve body heat. Oh, my God. And they're running low on oxygen and breathing each other's. And here's the thing.

Even if they find them, how do you get it up? How do you get it? Yeah, they'd have to tow it up or something. Yeah, because when we started the podcast, you said how many hours left? Oh, they're down to their last day. They have until like 5 in the morning right now. So they've got like 12 hours.

They have until 5 in the morning until they're out of oxygen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but what I'm saying is you have to account for how long it would take to bring them to the top and open the fucking thing. So it's like they don't have

till five in the morning. They need to be found and on their way to the top for them to have till five a.m. And what are the strategies? Is there any article on the strategies that they're using? I remember looking that up last night.

I was even contemplating, do they even have a machine or device or anything that could go even get them besides a drone? Right. Man, I don't know that there even is. So what the fuck are they doing? They don't go that far. Are they just trying to find them

so they can communicate with them? Are they trying to find them so they could use the power of the remote controller to bring them to the surface? I don't even think they know where they are still. Jesus Christ. Yeah, like I think it says that they lost communication like an hour and a half after they departed. Oh, my God. So they weren't even all the way down then, right?

Or that happened right when they hit the bottom? The entire voyage is supposed to take two and a half hours. The Polar Prince lost contact with the Titan approximately one hour and 45 minutes into the trip, triggering desperate search for the now-missing sub. Fuck. And I remember the reporter said it was lost for five hours when he went.

Oh, my God. So it happens. It has happened. And they didn't add a transponder. They didn't. Or whatever they could add. His voyage lasted 10 hours. The passengers were given sandwiches and water.

During that, vessels, the compass was acting very weird. And the passengers had only about 20 minutes to view the Titanic wreckage. The compass acted weird? Yeah. Bro, imagine if there's an alien ship down there that's fucking them up. Bro, but if your compass going crazy, you need to get the fuck out of there.

And I don't know- Instantly. I don't know the science of what that means, but that's never good. Can't be good. No. Some crazy magnets are in there. Yeah, or some kind of pulse from the Earth.

Who the fuck knows? Here's what's so wild about all this shit, Dojo. They went down there to look at the wreckage from screens inside from cameras outside. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. There was one little tiny hole above the toilet for looking out, but you can't see anything down there. You know what I mean? It's like that's not their main thing to watch.

It's like you could have just sent down a drone and watched the screen on the ship. You didn't have to be in the fucking ship. You don't have to be in the water. No. You're down there for no reason. No reason. Just so you can say you was there. I would have just lied about it.

Yeah. You don't want to lie about it either. About being down there? Yeah. It's just stupid. Yeah. But if you're that, if you're, as an alternative to getting on the motherfuckers. Yes.

If I had to choose. Yeah. I would lie about it. I'm being fucking lying. If I have to lie, no one's getting hurt by that lie. I'll tell you what I'm not doing. I'm not getting on a ship that's piloted by a motherfucker that ain't on the ship.

Right. The pilot, the driver got to take all the risks I'm taking. Yes. Yeah. And also, how about have that ship being able to drive itself too? Think about this. What if they got to the tech?

Oh, actually, we probably do have the technology where your commercial flight can be flown by a pilot. That's that never leaves the city. They're flying it remotely. I bet they could do that now. And then when you get, and when you break a certain line, another pilot at the landing city takes over and they land.

But would you be comfortable with that? No. Fuck no. Fuck no. Get your ass on this plane. You got to be up here with me. If you in charge, you gotta be up here with me. If you in charge, you got to be up here with me. Not only that, why wouldn't they have a system where when they lose communication with the sub, the sub just rises to the top?

Which has happened before. So they've lost communication before, and then they had no backup plan for what would happen if it happened again. Why does this scare me more than anything else? This freaks me out so much. Because you're wealthy? And they target wealthy people with shit like this. No, I'm not stupid. I'm not worried that I would do it. Oh, okay.

No, just the idea of, I have zero desire to do that. Bro, I'd rather go fishing. I don't want to, I'd rather go play pool. I'm not complicated. Bro, to face your baby, you said zero. Zero. I mean zero. Yeah. Not a fucking chance in hell. And one of my friends, if you were trying to go, I would do everything that I I mean zero. Yeah. Not a fucking chance in hell.

Absolutely not. And one of my friends, if you were trying to go, I would do everything that I could to talk. Not you. Someone irresponsible. Someone crazy. Bro, I don't even play survival video games. Fuck that.

No, I've survived my whole life. You know these games where you start out in the woods, all you have is a hatchet? They're like, yeah, you got to build a fire and find shelter. What the fuck? Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, no. I'm here to kill demons. Yeah. Fun stuff. out in the woods all you have is a hatchet they're like yeah you gotta build a fire and find shelter what the fuck nah nah nah nah I'm here to kill demons yeah

fun stuff I'll kill demons with magical weaponry but what is this Jamie this is the device that they have the first thing to come find them today

it's called a Victor 6000 it can go 20,000 feet which is plenty to get there but but what's it gonna do that don't look like it can lift anything

I'm looking at like it shows that they send it out from a ship with some sort of tow rope, and maybe they keep the tow rope, and maybe then they can hook something onto it and tow them both back up, but that's a lot of maybes I just said. It's a lot of maybes, and they have to find them. And they have to find them. The amount of area you're talking about is so immense.

This does have some sort of rope. I mean, honestly, knowing that they lost communication almost right when they hit the bottom. I'm telling you, I think it imploded. Something leaked. It was an opening, a crack. I think they died instantly. Oh, God. Oh, do you think they're going to send down people in subs to see the wreckage of the sub?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That would be the next thing. People can go visit the Titan. This is back when they did it wrong. Like Mount Everest. Yeah, there's next thing. People can go visit the Titan. This is back when they did it wrong. Like Mount Everest. Yeah, there's the billionaire and his son frozen in the Titan.

Don't fuck around. And here's, bro, here's what, people comparing it to space, but guess what? As far as we know, there ain't no monsters in space. There's monsters all over the bottom of the ocean. That's crazy. And that might have been what happened. Some big ass thing that they don't see coming hit that motherfucker with its tail.

A whale just fucked your magnetic shit up, flipped you over. One of the things that's interesting about these UFO sightings is a lot of them are happening over water. And they're saying these things go into the water and they don't make a splash. Yeah but this is my thing about the UFO sightings thing, it's like so it's too many smartphones out here for us to not get some you know some 4k at least some 1080p. You know some clear footage that's not blurry or like some clear give me some clear videos out here. True.

But have you ever tried filming a bird in the sky? It's very hard. True. True. I saw a thing the other day where I was like that. I can't explain what I'm looking at. You know what I mean? I don't know if it's because it might have been a drone, but it just it seemed so huge

and it seemed like it was going up so high, you know, have had to have been a commercial drone, not a government one. And it kept flying up and then moving to the side and then floating back down. And then flying way up to the point when I first saw it, I thought it was a plane. But then it started moving completely backwards. And I was like, oh, well, that's... They make some insane drones now. And they're really fast. Have you ever seen the drones where they do them through obstacle courses? Oh, the oh, well, that's. They make some insane drones now. And they're really fast. Have you ever seen the drones where they do them through obstacle courses?

Oh, the races? Oh, that's wild. Yeah. That's entertaining, too. That's entertaining. Yeah. That's going to be real popular in the future. Oh, for sure.

Because these things are getting better and better. Have you ever seen that one with that drone? The drone takes off at insane rates of speed. They have this drone, and it's hovering, and it goes... Watch this. I don't know if this is it. I just clicked a video to find the fastest drone that you can get. Let me see what it looks like.

Has it got any volume on this? You can't even see that motherfucker. It's going almost 200 miles an hour. Wow. Listen to the sound. Where is it? Oh, there it is. God damn, that fucker's fast.

And this camera is on the drone, this one right here. Yeah, look at the shape of it. It looks like a tic-tac. Whoa. Oh, my God. I mean, that's not the same sound. It looks like a rocket. It looks like a tic-tac whoa, I mean that's not the same it looks like a rocket

How crazy that thing can go 200 miles an hour is that the fastest drone Wild it sounds like death. I just put a gun that thing. It's just I mean I typed in fastest drone Yeah, Hans Hans another one go to videos I'll try another one. Go to videos, fastest drone videos. What, eight props is faster than that? Oh, my God, look at that thing. Move down here. Three world's fastest drones. Let's see.

Yo. Show me something stupid. Oh, this is a commercial for these drones. 24-minute flight time. Wow. I guess someone just made a commercial. Yeah, they're getting very, very sophisticated. It's pretty cool. You know, and then how long after that before they're pilotable,

where you can get in one of those things and move around in something like that. Yeah, and then someone else is flying it. And then someone slams into you in the sky. Yeah. Why are we so fascinated with death? Because it's inevitable and we're afraid of it so we like to get close to it get a little juice and then go back to life you know it's like that's what those climbers are doing well have you ever really lived if you didn't almost die are you really an adult until you've almost died a couple times you are still an adult but you do not have the

same experiences like could i like if i'm in a room full of grown men and I go, and I just go, everybody tell a story about the last time you almost died. Everyone will have a couple. You know? Yeah. It's sort of a rite of, I mean, not a rite of passage, but it's like, if you're living life properly, it's almost inevitable. But then you can push it too far and you're some wild climber dude. Yeah, you're one of these motherfuckers. You're climbing mountains with no ropes. Have you ever seen that documentary

The Alpinist? No. Oh, you gotta watch it. The Alpinist? Is that a tree person? No, no, no, no, no. What is that? What is the tree? Oh, the Alps. An arborist. Arborist, yeah. Arborist, okay. Yeah, Alpinist is someone who's climbing insane alpine mountains.

And this fucking dude was like the one that all the other climbers were like, what the fuck? Like, he was just crazy. And he, at the end of his life, was climbing ice. Is this Netflix? I don't know. They're always weird looking. He was free climbing for all... He's an interesting dude.

He was an interesting dude, I should say, just listening to the recordings of him. But he became obsessed with all these top-notch climbers, and he did free solo climbing. Then after a while, he started doing ice climbing. So he's climbing with these ice picks, and he's making his way up glaciers. So he's climbing stalagmites that are hanging off the side of a cliff. He's climbing them in the documentary. It's so hard to watch. Your hands start sweating.

And did he die doing this? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And they found him. I mean, they know where he is. They never even recovered him. The glacier just kind of consumed his body. But they found where his body is.

I don't think they recovered him, right? Is that correct? I think that happens with a lot of those guys. It's like you can't even recover him because to recover him, you would have to risk everybody's life to go recover a dead body. But man, they'd be living though. I guess. They'd be living.

I think a lot of those guys, there's something wrong with them. And that's the way they feel things. I think regular life is just flat and boring. And the only way they feel is to do something insanely risky. I slightly disagree. I think some people are just born in the wrong time, you know? Hmm. Like, if this were, like, if we were already at the point

where we could explore space, these niggas would be the starship captains. It's like they were the guys that would get on a ship and try to map the globe. You know, like. It was beneficial. It's just now we're so comfortable. It's like they have to go find and seek out things. But their kind of person is necessary.

Explorers. Yeah, explorers. Explorers, people that would take the chances just for the thrill. We do need them. We just don't need them right this second. Yeah, those are those people that would just get in boats and try to find new land back in the day. Yeah, those are the people you pay to make the first hundred trips in the title to make sure it's safe. Imagine the people that made it to the Hawaiian Islands in little boats that they made.

Yeah. I mean, they came from the Polynesian Islands, and they made their way across the fucking ocean to Hawaii. Yeah, they were like, oh, we hit the jackpot. Oh, my God, they hit the jackpot. Yeah. But they did that shit thousands of years ago. That's what's crazy. Yeah, there was some ballsy-ass people out there.

Ballsy-ass people. Fucking, yeah, real ballsy. You find an island in the middle of the ocean. There's a bunch of cool-ass people living on it. Yeah. And the thing is, when you take off, you don't know where you're going. Right. And how you'll survive when you get there. See, talk about people that are in touch with nature.

People that live in Hawaii. You're very vulnerable out there. Isolated. Yeah. Any of the nature people fascinate me. Yeah. People at home, out in the wilderness. Yeah. Any other nature people fascinate me. People like at home, out in the wilderness.

Because they're right. The doomsday prepping people, they're right. They're just not right right now. But it's coming to an end at some point. It might not even be while they're alive. But those are going to be the people you're looking for. You watch Last of Us? Yes. It's like, remember the

old gay man with the shelter? If the apocalypse comes, they're going to be the people you're looking for. You watch Last of Us? Yes. It's like, remember the old gay man with the shelter? It's like, yeah, if the apocalypse comes, they're going to be sitting pretty. Yeah. Yeah, and the rest of us are going to be like, you know, Wi-Fi. Yeah, but then those people go after those people. Oh, yeah. People who weren't prepared. They try to find the people that aren't prepared.

What's interesting is preppers a lot of times get lumped into terrorists. They get labeled. Like, there's this guy, Mike Glover, who's been on my show, who runs this company, Fieldcraft Survival, and he teaches preparedness for all kinds of different things. But they had him labeled. They had him on the list, like an extremist list. Because he's just telling people, like, if society collapses, like he's a special operations soldier. Well, there's probably some crossover between the two communities. like if society collapses, like he's a special operation soldier. Well,

there's probably some crossover between the two communities, you know, and you probably don't show it because, because you know, it's already so few of you. I would imagine if you're like, if somebody walked up and was like, Hey fucking John is in the clan.

He's like, but just don't, just don't bring a brace around John. You know what I mean? he's one of our best preppers. I don't think they're talking about that. I think they're talking about people that want to overthrow the government oh like okay so i get what you're saying so it's like people that want people that want the society collapse are mixed in with the people that are preparing just for if it does yeah right the worry is that well

from the prepper's perspective the the people that are into that would say like i don't trust the government not trusting me because what they don't trust me is that if the shit goes down, they go full totalitarian. They know we're armed to the tits and they don't like it. Plus we have food, we have water, we,

we, we can fucking, we can huddle down and fight them off. That's what they think. I would imagine. And just, just espousing that puts you on a watch list Or even if it was like zombie shit or some or some disease or yeah, but you know, you know the um

And I might just be talking my ass correct me if I'm wrong, please Jamie But the you know, the premise of last of us was that that one fungus that cordyceps cordyceps It couldn't infect humans right and then it did right and now it has in real life has it really i just read this like a couple a couple weeks ago am i fucking am i wrong jamie it has infected a human now really yeah now obviously i don't know if it can mind control a human because you probably die before it could take over your whole mind because our minds are way bigger than you know bugs but there's things that take over our minds anyway. There's toxoplasmosis, which you actually get from cats.

You might have that. Well, there was a pussy plant out there. From your wild cat? You probably have it. You probably have toxo. Oh, for sure. Just from being exposed to cats' feces? Yeah.

Feces? Yeah. Yeah, that bitch, she rubs her butthole on everything. Not only that, she's out there with rats and all sorts of things. Who knows what she's killing and eating out there. I think it makes you love them, right? Well, what it does with rats is it makes them sexually attracted to the smell of cat urine. Oh, okay.

They literally lose their ability to be afraid of cats, and then they get hard, like thinking about cat piss. So they get aroused. So they literally seek out the cats and then the cats kill them and eat them and toxoplasmosis actually multiplies inside a cat's gut could cordyceps fungi infect humans cordyceps a pio cordyceps are types of fungi that typically affect insects fictional works have explored cordyceps infections to humans but this fungus is not likely to evolve to cause infection in humans

in the near future. However, cases of fungal infection may be increasing with climate change. This is recently. Did I speak out of my ass? Uh-oh, I'm missing information. No worries. It happens.

Hold on. I know I'm not tripping, though. Let me see what I see. You know what scares me is rabies. Rabies is wild. You know what scares me is rabies. Oh, well, yeah. Rabies is wild. You hear about, like, the accounts of, like, settlers trying to make their way across the country that encountered animals with rabies and the way they died?

Rabies is wild because it infects animals and makes them want to bite you to give you rabies. Yeah, and every time I hear somebody tell me they got bit by a wild animal and they didn't go to the hospital, I'm like, are you crazy? Are you out of your fucking mind? Because once you start showing symptoms of rabies, yeah, you're already dead. You don't have much time.

I think you have to get to the hospital and get treatment within 24 hours. I think it's pretty close. Yeah, you can't rest on it. Yeah, I know a dude that was telling me a story about someone who got nicked by a bat like there was bats under a bridge and the bat you know they're flying they're all flying and he got nicked on his hand he died of fucking rabies just a nick yeah see if you can find that guy gets nicked from a bat

dies of rabies yeah like nicked his hand I think and he's he's like, oh, what the fuck is that? Thought nothing of it, you know? Thing just flew by. Maybe he didn't even feel it. You know, maybe he didn't even notice. You know, there's a bunch of bats around. You're like, Jesus. Oh, man, that's such a, that's another fear. An infected bat ran into the hand of BC man, who later died from rabies.

Suffering a small puncture wound and rare daylight encounter this spring. Wow. Damn, he's 21 years old. Crazy, man. Crazy. And he didn't go to the hospital? I don't know. He said he developed symptoms of rabies six weeks later.

Yeah, bro. Because once the symptoms kick in, you're dead. You can't do nothing. You got to get to that. If you get bit by a wild animal, you got to go to the hospital that night. Immediately. Isn't that crazy? Like, you didn't even know.

I would lie at the hospital. Because if you tell them you're having chest pains, they'll see you right away. Imagine you're feeling like shit, and you have to think back to six weeks ago where a bat, like, grazed you. I'm having chest pains. I got bit by a bat. Checking me out for everything. Yeah. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Because they do triage at most emergency rooms, meaning they don't see you in the order you came in. They see you in what they think is the most serious. Right. So you've got to say something's really wrong. Yeah, unless you're bleeding out or you're having chest pains, it's not serious.

Right. You might be sitting in there for four, five, six, seven hours. You've got to fake a stroke. You've just got to say you're having chest pains. I'm just getting dizzy. I'm blocking out my chest. Don't get me wrong. I wouldn't do that.

If I thought something serious was wrong, I would lie about having chest pains. I have no shame in my game. Yeah, that's a good move. Yeah, yeah. You got to get in there, especially if you think it might be rabies. I straight Fred Sanford in there. I'm coming home, Elizabeth. Right?

Everybody forgot about that yeah that's a great show man cause I did it before I went to the emergency room I was having chest pains and uh and I remember the the

it was on the 4th of July and I remember the the dude taking my vitals and stuff he was like how old are you I was like 40 he was like

and just walked away yeah he was like it was like I was like, and just walked away. Yeah. It was like I was the only person in there. They saw me right away. He laughed? He laughed. That you were having a heart attack at 40? Yeah, he laughed.

What a piece of shit. I know, right? Wow. He took my vitals and was like, what's wrong? I was like, chest pains. He was like, for real? I was like, yep. He was like, all right.

Walked off. Wow. I know. The doctor was pissed when I told him that. Wow. He was like, it's just unlikely that there's anything wrong. It turned out to just be gas. It's real bad gas. Oh, my God, dude.

How bad's your gas? That particular time, it was just real bad. You went to the doctor for gas? Yeah. Like, it hurt real bad. Wow. Like, you were really thinking you were having a heart attack. Oh, yeah.

Well, the thing is, the VA has you were having a heart attack. Oh yeah. Well the thing is the VA has like a tele-nurse. So if you call the nurse and say your symptoms they'll tell you what you need to do. Whether you go to the hospital or they'll make an appointment for you. But if you say you're having chest pains they're going to make you go to the hospital. No matter what the fuck is going on.

So they're like best not to risk it. Yeah. So it probably wasn't the type of pain that would be signal of heart attack but it was like I didn't she didn't know that

and I didn't know how to describe it to her better so just go just in case and you don't want to be going to an emergency room just in case

but I would if I got bit by an animal yeah for sure you know so yeah you gotta be careful you can't fuck around you don't want to die

and wish you had gone right chest pain or animal attacks it's a must go yeah yeah no matter what's gonna cost you got to be careful. You can't fuck around. You don't want to die and wish you had gone. Right. Chest pain or animal attacks, it's a must go. Yeah. Yeah, no matter what's going to cost you, going to debt just don't pay it. You know? I'd rather be alive in severe debt than dead because I didn't go to the doctor. Oh, yeah.

100%. Yeah. Medical bills are fucking crazy. It's kind of insane. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, very, very, very much insane. I didn't really understand until the pandemic.

I never looked into the healthcare system in terms of how many hospitals are private. Most of them. Yeah. They're businesses. Yeah. And then the public ones are dangerous. Yeah. You know?

Everyone in this, everyone in every city, they could tell you the hospital that you don't want to go to. You know, my mom, she'll probably be mad at me talking about this. My mom had a heart attack recently. And like, you know, within the last year, she drove herself to the hospital. Because she lives in D.C., but it's right there on the border with PG County, Maryland. She lives in D.C., but it's right there on the border with PG County, Maryland. And so it was because she knew if she called 911, they would take her to the bad hospital. So she drove herself to the hospital so she could go to the good one.

Oh, my God. Yeah. It's like that out here. Oh, my God. The public hospital is fucking trash. I saw a video of a kid who is one of the worst fractures of an ankle I've ever seen, and he's in the passenger seat being driven to the hospital. In the passenger seat of what? His friend's car.

Yeah, that's probably faster than taking someone in an ambulance. Yeah, but he's just, I mean, I don't know what else you do, obviously. Do you get leeway if you're driving somebody to the hospital? Like say you're speeding or something and they pull you over? If the cops are listening to you, you said my friend's got a broken ankle, the cops will probably give you a police escort. Yeah, they probably got a broken ankle. I mean, if it sounds pretty bad, like bone through the skin and shit, blood everywhere. But is there some kind of signal you can give where, like, I'm not slowing down, I can't stop?

Cops should never listen. Because they have to follow you anyway just to make sure it's true. Otherwise, you're just a psycho just speeding around. Oh, right. Saying you're pregnant. I was like, you got to beat me to the to make sure it's true. Otherwise, you're just a psycho just speeding around saying you're pregnant. I was like, you got to beat me to the hospital. I'm giving birth, sir. Excuse me? Oh, yeah.

Wonder what happens if a cop pulls someone over and they say, I'm giving birth now, and it's a guy. You have to let it slide. A cop let one of my cousins get away with just pissing on the side of the road. Oh. Because he pulled him over. He's like, why are you speeding? He's like, I got to piss so bad. He got out of the car and ran over him. He let him piss. He was like, I don't know. Sometimes you of the road. Oh. Because he pulled him over. He's like, why are you speeding? He's like, I got to piss so bad. And he got out of the car and ran over him.

He let him piss. He's like, I don't know. Sometimes you got to go. Yeah. Yeah, we've all been there. What's this one? It's in Florida. There's a...

Oh, a deputy pulled another deputy over. I thought this was a stolen car, but it was not. He was just saying, I'm on my way to work. He's like, well, why are you going to... He's going 85 in a 45. He just walks off. Yeah, because I think technically... Because cops don't follow the same traffic code,

but I think if you're not on shift, you can't just... Just because you're in a cop car, you can't speed. Right, right. You have to be going to a scene. Or you just have to be on patrol. Yeah, but you're still not allowed to speed.

You're not supposed to speed unless you're chasing someone. If you're going to a scene of a crime. Interesting. Yeah. I think I got fired for that. I got to wrap this up. Brian, we got a show in an hour and a half.

No, two hours. Yeah, yeah. We got several shows. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeehaw. Let's go. Still living the life.

Living the dream. We're having fun. Yeah, man. Thanks for having me on. My pleasure. Don't forget to follow the podcast BS with Brian Simpson. BS with Brian Simpson. with Brian Simpson BS comedian on Instagram

and on Twitter in Denver and New York in July and filming at the Mothership in August yeah

oh wait a minute also one thing I gotta plug we're doing a fundraising show at the Mothership week after July 4th for the how good is the McVader

he's the best oh he is the McVader? He's the best. Oh, he is the best. He's so good at these. This came out to haunt me because Miami got fucked up. Yeah. But, yeah, we're hosting a fundraiser

for the Veterans Hearts Project, which treats veterans with psychedelics. What night is that at? It's the following Tuesday, the 4th of July, so what is that? The 11th?

Okay. Beautiful. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye, y'all. Bye, y'all. Bye, y'all. Bye, y'all.