The Joe Rogan Experience - #202 - Dom Irrera

Episode Date: April 5, 2012

Joe sits down with Dom Irrera.

We gotta have Nick Diaz. Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast. Stop, stop, stop. Is that Joe Diaz? Yeah, I don't think you should do that anymore.

I don't think that's entertaining. I don't like that, okay? I don't like that. I want to hear Nick Diaz's voice. This is Nick Diaz, a fighter, a UFC guy. Really? I don't like that. I want to hear Nick Diaz's voice. This is Nick Diaz. A fighter, a UFC guy. Really? He does the coolest thing ever.

He won a fight, and then after the fight he goes, Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. Oh, that's cool. Oh, this is the greatest moment of my life. Joe Rogan, experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. So, this guy likes fucking around with the speeds and things.

He's got some technological ADD going on. Dom Herrera, welcome to the show, my friend. Joseph Rogan, thank you, lad. So happy to have you here. Dom Herrera, just to all you folks out there in the cyber world, is a guy that I actually paid to see before I got into comedy I was a huge fan and I just loved stand-up comedy I loved watching evening at the improv and I took a date to the to Nick's comedy stop in Boston to watch

domer I think maybe I had done an open mic like maybe once maybe i might not have even it might have even been before but i remember i watched up there and uh one of the things you you uh first of all you you were you fucking killed and you were one of the few guys that could survive that crazy boston gauntlet that they used to throw it all the national headlines they liked me and they loved you everybody loved Everybody loved you. But it was a tricky situation that Boston gauntlet they used to put people through. They would take a guy like

Follow this. Yeah, Billy Crystal would come into town, right? And they would make Billy Crystal they would purposely put up the best local guys. Steve Sweeney,

Don Gavin, Kevin Knox, Kenny Rogers, Dennis Leary. Everybody would go up with 15 minutes of fucking fury, too. Everybody did short sets. Then you're supposed to do 50 at the end.

Yeah, and then at the end. But first of all, they've made everyone laugh with every local reference humanly possible. And if there's anything people love in Boston, it's a Boston joke. It's a problem. I had my first 20 minutes all revolved around Boston because when you're fucking sinking out there and you're looking for something,

you know that you can make fun of a girl from Revere because she has big hair. That's right there. It's in my wheelhouse. I could pull that out. You could always go with like local references.

Charleston, the Irish girls and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always something like, well, and then you're in Mattapan after dark. Woo! And you can't speak Spanish. Yeah. Woo-hoo! Speak Spanish.

Yeah. You could do local jokes. You survived. You survived. You're one of the few guys. I saw a lot of guys eat a fat bag of dicks. I heard Richard Lewis hid under the stage afterwards. Oh, I heard he...

Well, I've heard that a few times with that guy. He's apparently, if he doesn't get his crowd, he has a very specific crowd that guy he's apparently if he doesn't get like his crowd like he has a very specific crowd that like comes out to see him and sometimes you know people maybe don't know what he's going to do before he does it if they do they love it you know they love that character but if they don't i think from what i've heard it can go bad i can imagine remember nicks nicks was the place where you saw me yes and that And that was really a tough club, especially the third show on Friday night. So I asked Jonathan Katz to do the show with me.

You know how Jonathan is very nebbishy and kind of a little Jewish comedian. He was the host of my first open mic. Was he? Yeah. He was nice to you, right? Greg. Yeah. And I said, John, do the show with me.

He goes, I can't. I can't go in there. I said, come on. I'll protect you. I'll watch your back. So he goes up. They actually started heckling the back of his bald head before he got to the stage. They were fucking booing him for nothing.

He didn't even say anything. And he goes up and he goes, precisely, and just walks off the stage. But they booed him before he talked. I love that. Boston was an interesting mix of college-educated people and savages. Yeah. It is one of the,

I think it's the highest amount of colleges per capita in the country. And I couldn't get in any of them. Yeah. I used to see street fights there when you didn't see them anymore. You see guys,

they didn't go home from work, they had a tie, white shirt hanging out, battling each other. There's still fights in Boston. Boston dudes will still fight. It's one of the few places where you're probably not going to get shot. No.

Dudes would actually want to duke it out with you. You might get stomped. Well, you could get shot, though. Everyone has baseball bats, but no one plays baseball. If you run into the wrong kids from South, you could get shot. Anybody could get shot there, too. But you do definitely see more fistfights there. Yeah, I always think of you as a New York act.

Well, I was born in Jersey. But, I mean, I got better in New York. I developed in Boston, but I was only there for four years doing stand-up. Right. You know, I moved to New York only four years into my act. And I got a manager, so my my manager who's still my manager to this day it was selling me as a headliner but I wasn't really a headliner yet you didn't have the minutes you probably had the talent but I had I had a good solid 15 drag out to 40 if the crowd was right remember the

first time this guy Hir Hiram Kasten. I remember that guy. Got me a gig for $75. I had to do 45 minutes. I said, I only have 25. He goes, like Jesus with the fishes. He goes, go out there, do it. It will come.

It will come unto thee. I don't know if it came or I just did crowd work because I didn't have the time. Yeah, those were silly days. I couldn't believe people it came or I just did crowd work because I didn't have the time. Yeah, those were silly days. I couldn't believe people could do 20 minutes. When I had five minutes, I go, how the fuck did I remember 20 minutes in a row? What's the longest flat-out set of just stand-up you've ever done? I'm not real good at real long sets. Probably an hour and a half.

That's about all you should do, right? I think I love a 45-minute set. Yeah. Boom. A crusher, right? Just get off them wanting more instead of. Yeah, I've done long. I've done too long.

I used to do these Q&As at the end of my shows. Yeah, but that's different. Drag out. It goes into something. Nah, man. It was getting too long. Seinfeld used to do that. People were falling asleep.

They were bored. They get bored. Girlfriends are like. Yeah. You know, you can only talk. No, but I don't care who. Maybe it was Charlie Murphy that said this. It might have been.

Oh, no. It was Joey Diaz. I've never heard Charlie Murphy quoted before. Oh, he said I quote him all the time. Charlie Murphy. Get to know Charlie Murphy. He's a deep dude. Is he really?

I don't know. He's a deep dude. He says some pretty interesting shit. He's a great fucking storyteller, too. He's a good guy all around. Yeah. Charlie, you would like Charlie Murphy, Don. You would like that guy.

I'm sure I would. Yeah. It's always weird for those guys whose brother is like Tony Rock. Yeah. Who's Chris Rock's brother. Tony Rock is fucking good. He's great. Yeah, yeah.

He's fucking funny, man. I hadn't seen him in years, and I saw him at the improv, and I had to go up to him afterwards. I go, dude, I haven't seen you in, like, a long time. Like, I go, god damn, you got good, man. Yeah, he's got that glint in his eye that makes you laugh. Yeah. Just something goofy and funny and smart about him. Really friendly on stage, too, like fun on stage.

Like, you want to hang out with him. Like, you want to have fun with him. You know, when you get to see a guy who's enjoying himself up there, it really makes you, you know, see when a guy's not anymore. It's one of the saddest things about our business when you see a guy who doesn't even realize what he's got. He's got the greatest job of all time. I know.

The other night, I was late for work, and I worked 15 minutes, and it was 10 o'clock at night. I was taking a nap. I was fucking late for work how sad is that and you know and i'm such a half a fag that i was i was in the bathtub i'm so lazy i was shaving i just took a bath so i didn't have to stand and shave oh my god but you know like they almost get like they're calling me on the on the cell phone thinking i wasn't showing

yeah and you're right around the corner, too. Yeah, I'm a half a mile away. That's so funny. Hey, you're still late. Oh, that's a real comic. There's something about comedians. It's stripper time. But I love it.

You know, it's like people, you know how people try and make it miserable? Boy, it's got to be tough, huh? I go, well, it ain't tough compared to, like, working a coma. But, you know, I suck going on the road. I'd hate to be on the road all the time. I'd go, well, nobody's asking you. Nobody's asking you. I'd hate to fly to Australia.

Nobody wants you in Australia. What are you going to do when you get there? You know what I mean? You're non-act. You ever get people to try and make your life miserable because they're trying to maybe make themselves feel better about themselves? Yeah. There's definitely people that will try to justify why they're happier than you

and find the holes in your game. But as a professional comedian, as long as you stay funny, and the only way to stay funny is just keep doing what you're doing. Don't ever become a crazy person. Keep reading shit. Keep writing shit. Keep watching things. Keep coming up with new jokes.

You're always going to keep doing it. Yeah, but I guys like my age that are so bitter yeah why are you bitter you fucking got away with life being a comedian i know you know it's like i love it i i want to get better well you're a you're a real comic though dom you've always been a real comic like the as long as i've known you you know like i said I paid to see you before I ever even did it, really. You've always been just, that's what you are. You're not like a guy who's trying to get a series, and if you got that series in you,

you'd abandon stand-up, or a guy who wanted to be a movie. You're always just Dom Herrera, professional comedian from television. You would even introduce yourself like that. Dom Herrera from television, how you doing? Well, yourself like that. I'm a writer from television. How you doing? Well, you know, like, I was on Suzanne Somers' show

when I came out here, and I really liked her. The show was really bad. It was called She's the Sheriff. She's the Sheriff. Oh, no. Yeah. Ooh, beautiful blonde with big tits, and she's a sheriff. How'd she get that gig?

And at the end of the night, they'd always want to go out. I go, I got to go to the comedy store. And they go, well, why? You already have a job. I'd go, no, that's my job. This is my side job. You know what I mean? Being in a sitcom is my side job.

My real job is being a stand-up. And that's the way I take it. Like, even any times I got series or anything else, I love acting. I love working with people. But I love stand-ups. My favorite. It's the most fun thing ever. We used to talk about it after when i was doing um uh news radio you know i'd come back to the store and you'd be like yeah there's nothing doesn't matter what you're doing you still want to go

up there and kill i remember we talked about it and saying like because i remember because you were getting the you know these series and he was like always practice stand-up oh yeah tell daniel tosh that because he's on top with the comedy central thing but he practices stand-up still yeah yeah and what you know what happens when we get fired from a series we still got our I tell Daniel Tosh that Because he's on top With the Comedy Central thing But he practices stand up still Yeah And you know What happens when we get fired From a series

We still got our job Right How cool is that Yeah the last thing you want to do I don't like being dependent On anything That's why I like Oh it's so nice

Not having a boss Yeah Well the best boss I've ever had for sure Is the UFC Because they're They couldn't be Better people to work for

I mean my I've never had a single Joe I've never seen you so happy. I love it. You're so good at that. You're so fucking sharp. And like you make it, like I was telling you, you break it down. You make me understand the fighting more.

Well, I try to explain it as if like your smart friend is over that hasn't seen fighting before. And I want to make it exciting for him. And I'm talking you through how I'm looking at it. I'm looking at his path. I'm like,'s he's got this path he's got to secure that arm he's got to get his hand connected you know and when you bring people in like that you you're you're what you're in is my mind i mean that's what's going on in my head when i'm watching the fight i'm like watch them out knee to the stomach knee to the stomach oh he's got full mouth oh you know i see it coming you know i see like these paths yeah yeah and i want to just guide

people through the path it's it's it's the most non-job job i've ever had oh i can see it i can you look like you're just you're floating through it i love it the thing i realized about myself was that i love violence but it has to be real like i don't like violent movies that it did it and like to see joey pesci a 60 year old guy beating up some 20-year-old kid. Yeah, what the fuck? Fucking bullshit. When I was there that night, when you invited me to the prom, when I see these guys really getting fucking whacked, you know when it really hits the reality is when you're sitting,

like I told you, I was sitting behind the guy's mother and girlfriend when he got knocked out. And the mother's like, Jimmy! You know, like real. I love the pounding they take Yeah it's How about that kid Remember the kid

The Tasmanian devil Who just ran up the thing And did like flips over Do you remember him Talking about It was kind of Maybe he was like Maybe mulatto

Or maybe from an island Or something He's kind of a light skinned Black kid And he was phenomenal Oh I know He was He was leaping in the air

Like eight feet And Oh my god You know what I'm talking about Joe I do I can't believe I don't have his name On the top of my Hold on Oh but he was He was phenomenal. Oh, I know. He was leaping in the air like eight feet. Oh, my God. You know what I'm talking about, Joe? I do. I can't believe I don't have his name on the top of my head. Hold on. Oh, but he was.

It was like they sped the camera up when we were watching him. He was the one that knocked the guy out. Yeah. I have to find out what his name is right now because he's fucking brilliant, and he's an up and coming kid so just give me a second let's talk more about supplements hey Dom what was it like meeting

Johnny Carson do you have any stories of anything cool that happened that maybe you the thing about it is that was like in 1986 so that's when the Tonight Show was still really big and it was not fun it was an experience it was like an it was not fun. It was an experience. It was like an imprimatur of comedy.

It was an experience. John. John. Shit. Sorry, keep going. Johnny Shit. But Carson, I looked in the hills in Burbank, and I wanted to run away. I wanted to run away and start a new life in the hills because I was so fucking afraid of going on that stage.

Because Jim McCauley, the guy I booked, comes and talks to you, and then they pull it back, and there it is. John Dodson. Sorry. What was his name? John Dodson. That was the kid? Yeah, he's amazing. He's a fucking super athlete.

What an athlete. He moves like a cartoon. Yeah. Flies through the air. Yeah, he's a super talented kid. When he was doing that flip, he was like running up the walls. Yeah, he's incredible. Yeah, he's just super talented. When he was doing that flip, he was like running up the walls. Yeah, he's incredible. Yeah, he's incredible.

He's, yeah, he does like cartoonish shit. It's like so, like, so gifted, you know? He's this guy, almost like an acrobatic ability. Go back to the other story, whatever you're saying. You were terrified. So you're terrified to go on this stage

and the curtains go back. The curtains go back and it's unreal that you hear Johnny Carson laughing and Ed McMahon. And see, I had done a joke about Ed McMahon. And when I saw him backstage, he pulled me towards him. And I think, oh, fucking Ed's going to slide me right before I go on. And actually, I didn't know that he loved the joke. But you remember the joke?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like... You call him Alpo Slade. What do I call... I said, I didn't know that he loved the joke. But you remember the joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like. You call him Alpo. What do I call? I said, I met Ed McMahon. He's been in the show business for 35 years. What do I go up to him and say? Hi, Ed.

I call him Mr. Ed, Mr. E, Mr. Eddie McMahon, Mr. You big, fat, lucky, talentless hump kissing Johnny's ass for the last 30 years. You Budweiser sucking Alpo slinging nothing. What do you do? I don't mean that in a bad way. That was a joke, right? Not a nice joke, but hopefully he took it in the spirit that he was a big success and I was a new comic, and that's the way he took it.

That's awesome. I watch Johnny Carson every single day. I never missed it, and I was a kid. There was no VCRs when I was a kid, but I would sit there and watch it every day. I think I remembered you from that when I first moved to L.A. I met you at the comedy store, and I was like, from Johnny Carson. I for sure saw young Carson.

I saw a bunch of guys on Carson that wound up being great comedians. I saw Jenny on Carson for the first time. He was a great comedian. He was a great comedian. Did Ed smell like Jack Daniels? Isn't he one of the most underrated guys don't you think if you go back probably the people wouldn't know but they'd know they'd go yeah that guy but yeah as far as like uh do you remember how good how strong his act was in like the late 80s the late 80s like 80s like in the early 90s he

would go he went to uh east side comedy club and they said he did three different shows in a row, three complete different hours, completely different from beginning to end. He was mad at me for like 10, 15 years because when he started out, he only had 25 minutes like a lot of us, and I had to cover for him. I mean, this guy Mitch Walters, we were in Florida, and at this place called The Comic Strip. And he would, I say we'd squirrel his money in the daytime we would buy all the food for the place then he'd buy chicks at night you know buy drinks for chicks at night

and so we started calling him squirrel and you know it was just like normal ball busting like very mild hazing but he took it real seriously and he was hurt and he was he was mad for years i go but rich we're just kidding but you know he was the kind of i mean i didn real seriously and he was hurt and he was he was mad for years i go but rich we're just kidding but you know he was the kind of i mean i didn't know that he was he was so psychotic that he was in that kind of pain that he would shoot himself but you know he i did see symptoms of incredible insecurity and incredible holding on to things you know right uh but isn't it that's so common with like really good comics isn't it there's so many good comics that are just so fucking nutty you know all of us are i mean yeah

i i straddle reality a lot i do i mean if it wasn't for alcohol and xanax i mean i wouldn't go out of the house half the time really yeah? Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I have agoraphobic feelings. I don't want to turn into the Oprah thing. When did that start happening? Since I was a kid. Really? I was abandoned in Yellowstone National Park. I was abandoned in the Grand Canyon, so I have a fear of widths.

I don't know. Wow. I don't want to get too heavy, but yeah, I've always had... You don't have any neurotic things? You weren't really abandoned. No, no. That's just a joke. It's not even a joke, because a joke would be funny.

That was kind of funny. So it's just the same. It was just shocking if it was true. I was thinking if it was true. If you were on stage, I would start laughing, because I would go, You mean you were being sensitive? I thought you were underneath a tree, and I was thinking about little squirrels coming up and kissing you and stuff. Yeah, yeah, trying to wake me up.

I read this story recently about this guy who got killed by a bear real recently. And they had to track down the bear that did it. It's happened twice in the last year in Yellowstone. And it hadn't happened before since like the 1980s. It's pretty uncommon. But this one, unfortunately, wasn't just a kill. They had eaten part of this dude. So then you've got to kill that bear.

That's a bear that's discovered that human beings are a food source. And delicious, by the way. And easy to eat. I remember eating Sophie out once. Come on. Is this thing on? Hello. Where did I lose you podcast fans? I licked Burt Kreischer's nuts once, so it's the same thing.

That don't make you gay, does it? No. What the fuck are you talking about? I'm just kidding. Bear. He's a bear. Never mind. So they had to track this bear down and kill it.

They're all tagged anyway, aren't they? I don't think so. No? No. I think a lot of them are, but I don't think they've got them all. I don't know how they deal with that. It's kind of a weird thing that this is this one wild area that people venture into, but there's these huge dog things that will occasionally fucking eat you,

especially if they catch you with their cubs. When they're with their cubs, they get crazy. What were you telling me before about the guy that beat up and killed all those wolves? It's a crazy story. Talk about one significant night in your life. Yeah. Somebody says, I got a story. You got a story.

I'll tell you this. Yeah, I wanted to say the exact right number, but I think it was something like 11 dead wolves. And he had shot a bunch of them, and then he had apparently run out of bullets or his gun jammed and then he beat a bunch of them to death with his butt. So they found him and like 11 dead wolves and then eventually the wolves got him. The rest of the pack killed him. Oh, they did get him.

Oh, yeah. He's dead. I believe I said Alaska, but I might have been wrong. It might have been Canada. How many wolves were in that pack? I don't know, man. There could be like 100. I didn't know that.

I thought there were like five or six. Sometimes there are like 30 and 50. But they've been super packs cited recently in Russia that they're really getting scared of. We're in the hundreds. And what's nutty about that is they're all starving to death. There's no fucking food out there so they're sneaking into these uh uh industrial area or farming areas and just fucking up their cattle just going in there i mean you're talking about a hundred wolves just coming in in a mass swoop could you imagine if you're living you're you're some poor fuck that's a uh you're a sheep farmer

in siberia or wherever the fuck you are. And you're just taking care of these sheep and it's freezing cold out. And you hear them. You hear that stupid shit every day. And then one day you look out the window and there's 400 fucking wolves. 400 of them. Could you imagine? 400 fucking wolves.

That feeling of being trapped in your house with 400 wolves out there they just start jacking just tear them apart right in front of you showing their teeth oh my god i told you i made a confession to joe this week that i didn't you know i finally told him why i didn't come over his house because i was afraid of his pit bulls and you know i know that they all i pictured was the bull flying through the air and latching onto my juggler and joe's screaming he never did this before he really he's really a sweet dog they were great with people pit bulls are great with people i remember some people you have to worry about when they slid under the fence and was biting that other dog yeah yeah yeah. I had to have my fence welded. I had to have a bar welded around the perimeter of the fence because he figured out that he could get his head in and bend the bars just by sheer force.

Yeah. I don't want any animals to that. They're crazy. They're so crazy. With the kids that you have, imagine your little girl inadvertently poking it in the eye. You know what I mean? I agree. With kids, it's very dangerous, especially if they don't grow up with the kids, if they're not a baby with the kids.

Then they get jealous. Well, it's that. They get jealous. And also, they don't think of it necessarily as a human being. It's small. It's a different thing. And they might bite it. That is possible.

If it annoys them, they might bite it in a way that they would never bite a person, but they might bite a cat. You know what I mean? Yeah. They're dangerous. Any dog is dangerous if it's not trained properly, and especially dogs with a high prey drive. Except people. But they're so fun to be around.

They're so friendly and loyal and energetic, and they're so happy to see you, and they're so smart. They're such smart dogs. But unfortunately, all that intelligence comes with a burden, and the burden is the way they're ultra dogs. And the way they became ultra dogs is they raised them from fighting each other, and they killed all the ones that weren't superior. They really just kept the strong bloodlines. So if you get a dog that's like a real fighting dog those are some of the smartest dogs you'll ever have brian callen used to have this pit bull and it was like a direct fighting dog we bought it from a dude who fought dogs i was there with him

we went this dude they would gamble on dog fighting and the guy was explaining to us that the dogs don't die and he's like you don't let your dog get killed and he goes it's all about gambling and it's all about breeding the pit bulls that are like to them he had been doing this for generation upon generation apparently i mean that's what michael vick was saying that it was a cultural thing yeah i don't buy that man killed a lot of them by electrocuting them and all that shit come on man that's the dark side of it is that yeah they they take these animals after they let them fuck each other up, and then they shoot one of them or kill one of them, the one that quit.

They don't even want them to breed. If he got scared and turned away from the other dog, they don't even want him to breed. They want him to just fight mercilessly, fight until somebody pulls them off. It's just a fucked-up thing to breed into a dog. It's a fucked-up behavior trait to breed in there's this old frail lady in burbank that walks her pit bulls two of them every day and every time i see it i'm like that's not cool you have to at least be able to handle it like if something happens take care of it and not slap it with the white glove not every pit bull will freak out and fuck other dogs up. Some pit bulls are very well socialized and well-trained.

They're exercised well, so they get tired out. That's an important thing with dogs. Dogs are just like people, man. You've got to throw the ball for the dog. You've got to give the dog some space. My dogs have a big yard to run around in. It's great. They need that, man.

Dogs need to be able to blow off some steam. Otherwise, they're tense. A dog that's in the house all the time and doesn't get to get out, those dogs will bark and jump up in the air. They're fucking freaking out. They're like, Jesus Christ, you keep me locked down in a box all day. I'm a dog. I'm supposed to be out running around.

So if you have two pit bulls, man, you better make sure that you put those fuckers through a good little workout routine. I need to start bringing my dog here every time I do this podcast. Yeah. My poor dog just sits there just like, oh. I have a dog who's in love with me. He's gay.

The dog, he actually, when he sees me, he goes, oh, oh, oh, oh. You know, like, where's that fucking guy again? I love this guy. But I mean, really, like, you know, I don't do dog bits like that, you know, that in my act,

but I mean, it really is amazing how he reacts to me, whatever it is. Yeah, dogs are beautiful like that. That's why people like having them as pets. When people talk about

having like a pet bird or something, like, what are you talking about, stupid? I love that, yeah. The snake. Go get a, yeah. I almost bought a parrot.

I admit it. I went through a parrot phase for a while. How dare you? I just saw, I met a really cool parrot and I was like, that's so beautiful. I almost bought a parrot. I admit it. I went through a parrot phase for a while. How dare you? I met a really cool parrot, and I was like, that's so beautiful. I want that in my bedroom. I think they're cool. Look, I had a parrot once climbed up on my shoulder.

I had a baseball hat on, and he bit the little top button off the top of the hat. I was like, ah, that would be fun to have around. No. I didn't buy it when I found out they could live to be 120 years old. You stupid flyer shithead. Claws. I don't trust anything with claws. Get the fuck out of here.

You know? Come on. What kind of creepy thing you got in your life? That's a... A falcon on your... Did you have this new one that they just discovered? They just did the newest fossil that they've uncovered of the biggest bird that ever lived. It was 30 feet long.

It weighed 3,000 pounds. Wow. This giant fucking predatory monster lizard bird thing. It was the gray goose of birds. So that's a dragon, right? Oh, yeah. If it's 30 feet long, that's a dragon. That's not a bird.

That's amazing. Well, it's covered in feathers. It's really fucked. So are dragons, aren aren't they i don't know scale maybe they were scales and we just suck at feather detections you know what i saw last night speaking of dragons i saw the um wrath of the titans is that what it's called the newest one oh is it good is it better than the last one? Oh my god, is it bad. Oh god, not again. Oh my god, is it bad. That sucks. It's so bad.

It's so bad that you're almost like, did you even write this out? Or did you just... Did you laugh at it? Was it that bad? Or was it boring? No, it was stunning. It was stunning. Because it was...

First of all, the CGI is fucking incredible. Okay, is the CGI good? It seems like they just put the entire budget on making it look badass. I don't usually even like 3D movies, but this is a really well-done 3D movie. Was it a kid's movie? No. Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, it's like PG or something like that.

Maybe it's PG-13 for violence. So good 3D, good graphics. Sword fighting and shit. A lot of the monsters were incredible they had this fucking dragon thing this two-headed dragon holy shit was it cool like really fucking cool so there's good things about this movie the yeah the monsters it's like a cgi it's you know it's like a cgi video game monster porn film where the talking in between the fucking is way too long you ever see oh yeah i hate that get to it, come on, especially if you're in a hotel room

and you can't fast forward it. You gotta just sit and watch these dummies act out. I think she likes you. Kiss her. I don't want to kiss her. I don't want to get rejected, man. After Cindy left me,

I just don't have that kind of confidence anymore. Yeah, I don't know. What could I do to give you more confidence? I like the lesbian ones. They make me laugh. Lesbian porns? Yeah, especially like the mother-daughter ones. How sick is that?

Yeah, that's fucked up. Mother-daughter exchange club where these mothers take their daughters over to switch. Oh, my God. They both go with older women, but the daughter. You ever see that one? No. Neither did I, but I heard about it. I would never watch something like that.

It's sick. I have it on my phone yeah i've saw one of them where uh mother and daughter was sharing a dick oh yeah i've seen that the mother was stuffing the daughter's mouth and it was the daughter's mouth i mean the girl looked like her i thought it was the son's dick i bet there's a video like that oh no there is There must be Yeah For real There's one for everything If we've thought it up Somebody's already like Come on my glasses Oh yeah

That's what I said Fetishes Yeah You know There's foot cum fetishes Yeah Where dudes only want to Come on girls feet

There's fetishes Where people put fingers In guys penis holes Oh Jesus And guys like it And guys like it And then there's the other way around where guys fuck girls pee holes and like fit the whole dick inside the pee holes how is it possible

to get a dick inside there's videos look at it it's fucked up it's actually people like it i look at them every day yeah i saw a paparazzi uh thing happen last night this this is the craziest thing ever okay uh we were at the improv for comedy juice and there was a big gang of you know comics outside of the improv you know and just hanging out smoking cigarettes and shit and across the street there's like this mexican tequila bar and uh this some i love that boy yeah some celebrity uh came was coming out and the valet put their car there and it was like lindsey lohan style paparazzis everywhere like fucking flash bulbs and fucking jumping on top of their car like around their

cars you know like just like surrounding them like zombie style and so they're in the car and they're taking photos of photos so all the comics were just screaming stupid shit across the street nothing like really bad like ones it's like don't princess diana her and and uh like is that lindsey lohan and just stupid shit right and so the the car takes out and it's some girl from i think uh fast and furious too i can't remember her name maybe even mendenda's menendez or something like that i don't i don't even know if that was her but spanish is not your first language and so she uh drove by and she's smiling at it's like like haha you guys were funny while this whole thing happened so it was cool because all the comics like yeah a mission accomplished and but then a second they left all the paparazzis this big gang just fucking slowly

started walking into traffic like cars honking the horns like slamming on their brakes and they didn't give a shit and they were just walking across the street and then getting up into all the comics faces and going you got a fucking problem man and like like they were like all about we're doing that yeah and they were all about to like fucking just start beating the shit out all these fat improv comic guys aggressive paparazzi yeah it was crazy and then and then uh i pulled out my iphone and i started recording it because that's what i thought i would do but unfortunately the the facetime was facing me but i didn't notice it so it's just my face going but but then halfway through it i look over i'm like oh fuck and i turn it over and i show them

all like walking away like gang style like walking through the street like a fucking gang fight right it was fucking crazy so then uh uh once they all they all take off and suddenly one of the paparazzis came back on this like motorcycle going down the wrong way of melrose it's like like in and out of cars like scary it was scary spot slams on brakes across the street talks to the valets that he like points over to us and then fucking just takes off and blows through like two red lights and i was just like what the fuck are these paparazzi gang members it was scary dude it was like i was just sitting there going what the well you got to think who these people are they're people they're stalkers they're professional stalkers they're

fuck they're they're terrifying those guys are terrifying well they also i think they have to fortify because a lot of people like lash out at them yeah you know well now a lot of people don't imagine being lindsey lohan though or somebody like that and just having that shit happen to them that's scary i bet it is man i bet it is man if that what would you do that's why i think the aids blood thing i was talking about like you had aids blood and just started like winging it around really honestly i don't think it should be legal to have a gang of people just standing out there with a camera and photographing someone like that and freaking people out and especially when they're walking in the traffic like that like that should be something you should be able to get in trouble

for yeah it seems like you know if you want to go bust pot shops pot shops aren't hurting anybody these guys are walking in traffic and big giant groups who are freaking out some chick unless and here's the big unless and this is the real unless it's all unless she set it all up yeah and that's exactly what i was thinking too because it was like why is there 25 people and none of us know who this girl is? I think that's what they do. Look, everybody's got to

grind out a living. I don't hate a guy trying to make a living. The way you can make a living is taking pictures of Eva Mendez or whoever the fuck it is as long as they're not

really harassing people and I don't think they are for the most part. I think a lot of it there's a few that'll, I mean, like clearly

when Britney Spears was going bonkers and shaving her head and running around and beating cars with an umbrella, clearly they were just following her. There was no agreements there. They were like, let's follow this crazy bitch all day. She's bound to do something nutty. You know, this is easy pickings. a fact that people set up fake situations where they tell someone a publicist will set it up

with the paparazzi so the paparazzi waits for them. So they make it look like it's a big deal. They're everywhere I go. What am I going to do? Meanwhile, they're fucking asking for it. They're setting it up. It's part of the whole let's be famous thing.

It was scary though. To me, if that was me, that had that happen to me, because those people were trying to pull out in their car, and there was just 20 people around their car. They were like, come on, get the fuck out away from my car. They're just touching your car and shit. That's fucked up.

And there's so much flashes. How are you even being able to see when you're we're trying to pull out in the traffic the flash is alone those people any flash bulbs going off all those people should be like tickets like there's like that's like saying that's like trying to distract somebody fuck texting imagine flash bulbs in your fucking face well it's it's definitely just the giant mass of people that you say are blocking the traffic. You shouldn't be able to do that. Would you ever want Lindsay Lohan on a podcast?

Why? I think it would be interesting to talk to her. I think she's hot, man. You like her? I like that skanky blonde look. I mean, because she's got a beautiful face. She's redhead again. She's so hot now.

When she was blonde and was obviously bleak blonde. She's still like a little girl. She's so hot again. She needs to stay redhead. She might be the hottest. She's so hot. She's so hot again. She needs to stay red-headed. She might be the hottest. She's so hot. She's so hot. My contention about a lot of celebrities,

when Michael Jordan was at his peak, and I really believe that they find people annoying, but if they weren't recognized, they'd feel insecure. Hey, I'm Michael Jordan. I'm over here. Don't bother me. Right. Don't you think about a lot of these guys?

Some people, they definitely, it's like being recognized is a big part for them. It gives them a charge when they go somewhere and they get recognized. We had Everlast from the House of Pain, who was on the other day. Yeah. He's the exact opposite. He likes being able to sneak in. Favorite podcast of all time, by the way. It's a pretty fucking good podcast.

201's my favorite. Thanks a lot. It's pretty goddamn good. This is 202. Try harder now. This could be, I feel like we're close. again favorite podcast of all time by the way 201 is my favorite thanks a lot god damn good this is 202 try harder this could be i feel like we're close i feel like we're real close no no he the reason why i like that because he played live acute acoustic songs we and joe pretty much got our own concert right it was fucking awesome the songs were like new songs we had not heard before and they were really good man he. He's a good fucking songwriter. I was having heart palpitations.

Anybody that can do what you can't do that you love seems so impossible. Because when people go, stand-up comedy is so hard, and I'm thinking, you're playing a 12-string guitar. Like this neurosurgeon friend of mine. That's hilarious. People laugh. We can't have a neurosurgeon Because we're like joke monkeys That's not what I meant

Just go ahead Because I know what you're going to say Go ahead What he says I can never do what you do Yeah exactly Yeah Meanwhile he's a neurosurgeon I mean that's hilarious

He said but he said I can never do what you do I said But at least you can kid around a little You can kid around with your family Make people laugh I can't do a little neurosurgery Yeah

That's funny It's true though You can't pop into the ORE. I guess it was getting the head cracked open. Well, there's a lot of people that wish they were funny. There's a lot of really staid. A lot of people think they're funny, too. Some people think they're funny,

but there's a lot of people that wish they were. Yeah. And just for whatever reason, they can't figure out how to do that. What is that? Do they take themselves too seriously? I don't know. I think they're deluded a lot of times.

There was a guy, he said, you know, I'd like to be a comedian. He goes, but I'm not funny. I go, well, you know, I'd like to be a fucking trapeze artist, but I'm not very acrobatic. You know what I mean? Like, if you're not funny, how can you be a comedian? And we know a lot of comedians that aren't funny, but they're successful because they know some of the tricks

and they're good looking or they're good at marketing themselves. You know. Yeah, there's a lot of that. There's a lot of people that get to a certain level and you're like wow really you got that far that's amazing yeah with with that you know but they like piece together and act based on what they think is relevant right now right you know there's certain key things you can always say and get applauses yeah especially like if you're doing like a specific ethnic cultural thing say like you're doing like a latino oh brother boom you know you know me and i'll go you know you say a couple spanish words and you get like a big thing you know what i mean you see

it right right with any kind i see it with italians i see it with blacks right you know what's up with that man what's up you know man and the white guy. Don, that's a really good black impression. That's really good. Are you serious, Joe? Yeah, it's pretty good. I thought it was a black guy in the room with me for a second. You close your eyes. Go ahead.

What's up with that? What's up with people who say what's up? Holy cow. That's amazing. Yeah. Don was the host of one of the first TV shows I was ever on, too. Remember we did that thing in Montreal? Was it Comedy from the Danger Zone or something like that?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Right, right. That was fun. Yeah. I remember bringing you up. Yeah, that was fun. Montreal. That was one of the best festivals ever.

That was a fun festival. I miss Canada. I love that city. It's a great city. Yeah, talk about fucking hot girls. Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord. My goodness.

I'll say that. Even the ugly sister is beautiful. There's a lot of pretty, pretty girls up there. My goodness. It's amazing, too. Sophie was pretty, wasn't she? My Sophie? Very pretty.

What's amazing is that right below that is monsters. It's fucking Maine. It's monsters. Really? that right below that is Monsters. It's fucking Maine. It's Monsters. Really? Isn't that weird? Monsters. Not all Monsters, ladies. Don't get mad.

I met some pretty girls in Maine. Don't get me wrong. Look, when I go home, after living in Hollywood, and you see the staff at a Laugh Factory, you haven't been there a while. Our staff could be like girls at a Laugh Factory. They're so beautiful. Wow.

Right? I don't know who's hiring them, but it's either a woman who's not jealous of other women or a man because they're beautiful. And I go back to where I'm from. And not that I, you know, look at me. It's not like I'm so hot. I'm kind of cute in a way. But people look like extras from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. You know what I mean?

Like they're shuffling around and shit. And, you know, you get used to this level of beauty that's out here it's weird level of beauty too it's like a really hard to maintain level oh yeah you know katana katana the japanese restaurant next to the store okay so we were in jones one night me and my friend and uh he says man she's hot huh i go yeah she's really, but she ain't katana hot. You know what I mean? Like, there's all levels. You go in there, and it's like the international beauties.

There's a black chick. There's an American Indian. There's an Indian Indian. There's a white girl. Ridiculously hot Asian girl with a star tattoo over her eyebrow or something. You're like, whoa, am I in a real movie? If I ever date another girl, I'm going way too low. I'm going way low. I'm going way low, like Olive Garden ugly.

Why? I'm not getting Katana hot. I think it's just... Getting hot's too much work? I think I just need to be taken care of for a while. What? You know? I date all these girls where I'm having uh having to like be a certain person and

i do like a bunch of shit like a lot of maintenance involved with dating hot girls you know like uh just i don't know try harder you know what try harder i'm just tired what does that mean like just tired of trying so hard well you just want to go if i ever break up with my girl or whatever, I think the next girl on my date is going to be a girl in a wheelchair. Wait a minute. Do you have a girl now? Yeah, sure.

You do? Do you? Yeah, a little here and there. It's complicated. It's complicated. I don't understand what you're saying. What are you saying? You just want to be taken care of?

You don't want to try? You don't want to move so much? I'm dating people way out of my league. Right. And so I think I need to go back to the minor leagues. Well, what is wrong with... What's going wrong with dating people out of your league? It's...

Besides the disbelief while you're fucking them. What the hell is wrong with this person? Yeah, I don't know. He's allowing me to fuck you. Yeah. What is it besides that?'s uh besides reality you let things slide more i guess you know oh you know what i mean things slide with them like they get shitty with you and you take it because they're hot as fuck yeah i'm not and i'm not talking about my current situation at all i know what you're

saying yeah i'm just saying in general well i've been thinking about it a lot lately someone has to appreciate you as much as you appreciate them if there's any sort of an imbalance like that like if someone feels like they can shit on you you know because you won't do anything because they have the upper hand the relationship because you'll never break up with them right there's a lot of people that get in those kind of relationships and it's fucking stupid yeah that's that's a shit way to live your life a lot it's a cowardly way to live your life and that's why a lot of damaged girls will date guys that are way under them and they do it on purpose to make sure that guy's not going anywhere and a lot of times they'll meet like some other dude and fuck him on the side right that's what happens i'm looking for a damaged girl yeah i really am i need somebody

flawed because at my age i can't go out with women my age. How am I going to go, come on, grandma, flip over? I'm serious. So I'm attracted to girls in their 20s. I'm a lot older, obviously. So it never stops. It never goes up. No, but I mean what I'm saying is I need somebody with issues. I need somebody with daddy issues or flawed in some way or so enamored by my talent they don't look at me

like the Mongolian look that I am. You know what I mean? You've got an Inuit thing going on. I do. Joe, look how flat my face got from eating and drinking. But I see you're actually trying to watch your diet now. I mean, you had the chorizo and eggs. Yeah, for one meal.

You asked for egg whites. I know. It's hilarious. You asked for egg whites. That's going to counteract the chorizo. Yeah, I did the same thing. Egg whites and sausage. Cherry's Deli is so delicious, though.

It's hard, you know. You're going to have a cheat meal every now and then. That's a good place to do it. That's how Norm's is for me, man. It's so close to the Comedy Store. It's open 24 hours a day. Fucking strawberry waffles, egg whites. The best place on Sunset is the Standard.

They still have the same kind of food. I don't like it anymore. No, it's changed. You know what? They add the tip to it your food and I just looked at it the other day and I'm like wait how long have they been doing this

they just kind of put the tip into your total so I've been double tipping for like a year good you did well good job I just don't like people that do that yeah well they probably had to do it because so many fucking drunks come out of that bar. Well, also people, Europeans and French Canadians.

Yeah, and that is sort of an international sort of a joint. Now that makes sense. Yeah. They know everything about our culture, and then all of a sudden they don't know about tipping. Yeah, they don't. That's alien to them. It's a funny thing how that's alien.

They know. A lot of them know, and they use it as an excuse. Yeah, but it's weird. You ever go to You've been to England And Ireland Of course many times You tip over there

They look at you like What the fuck are you doing lad I had an American You know remember Rich Hall Yes He said to me I tipped in Scotland He goes

Don't tip these people You're going to ruin it For all of us Yeah Japan you don't tip in Japan Oh no Yeah You get mad

Yeah it's weird It's weird Why Who else does it besides americans do the french tip no right uh ten percent maybe ten percent yeah oh french is different there's well i mean there's a thing there on there for a tip and a lot of the credit well even canadians are different because canadians don't tip as much as americans because you know waitress nobody too much as Americans told me that that was what she that was her nickname for black people was Canadians

because they didn't tip just like an 80 yeah that's an interesting phenomenon that the black culture does not tip and I it's not the black culture but it is a portion of what no I mean in generally of course all black I mean I've been out with Charles Barkley to be a name dropper, and he's ridiculous, ridiculously generous. Yeah, he's a very generous guy. You know what he did? This kid was late with the food. Did you ever hear this story?

No. The kid was late with the food. It took him a long time. Charles gave him a Rolex. He goes, here, maybe this will help you keep time. Wow. Wow. That's pretty cool.

He's a cool dude. Yeah. time Wow yeah this is unfortunately a stereotype though that fits you know there's a there's a video online of this girl who gets back from a restaurant and it's like why I think it's called like why I got a tip and have you ever seen it there's a black it's got millions of hits and people were so in the fucking comments was a race war though the fucking comments was a race war the goddamn comments were a race war and she's like

she basically you know she's just being an ignorant dumbass and you know just flaunting it on camera like wow I got a tip

like who says who says I got a tip and someone came out and ran out and met her in the parking lot and said hey you know you shouldn't be stiffing us and

yeah and it's like have you ever seen it pull it up pull it up because you want to hear look look at why i got a tip the waitress is on youtube joe the waitress is telling me how like a lot of times the black girls are mean to them when they're in the audience yeah and my theory on that tell me what you think is that black women get stiffed a lot culturally and by a lot of black men because part of a success in some eyes of some black men is to have a white chick. Do you know what I mean? Right. So they're part of the culture until they become a celebrity or something. Then they got this tall Nordic blonde with them.

On some, does it say why I got a tip? i got a tip why the fuck i got a tip i think it's that one no that's re why the fuck i got a tip look look up whatever she's referring to that's the one it is right why the fuck i got a tip i like how it's expressed i you know it's unfortunate uh it's unfortunate that any culture would have an inclination towards being stingy. Yeah. That's unfortunate. I think the best thing that could ever happen to people in the black community that get accused of this is for it to become embarrassing, for it to become ridiculous. Before it's like everybody should realize that the only way to prosperity

is through generosity. If you're not a generous person you're probably not going to get anywhere. And that you're really holding yourself back by not being kind and not being generous

to other people. You know? Yeah. It's a shitty aspect of any culture. But this one chick, do you find it? Why the fuck?

You see, those are all re's. R-E's. Why the fuck I got a tip? You just gotta do a search for why the fuck I got a tip. Jay, you gotta get rid of this kid. He's terrible. Doesn't even have a goddamn laptop. He's got this silly iPad thingy.

Thinks he's slick. I don't even need it anymore. he's got this silly ipad thingy thinks he's slick it might just be not on i don't even need it anymore it's on man it might not be on youtube anymore i mean she pulled it down see it's i think it's called why the fuck yeah those are all re's yeah you think somebody pulled it down well you people were so mad at her, she probably did pull it down. Anyway, whatever. It's unfortunate. And then, you know, I'll say this on the podcast,

and I'll get a bunch of things on Twitter. Why did you say that, man? People angry at me, you know. A lot of black people, too. Of course they do. Of course they do. If everybody knows. You tell me that a lot of them don't? Yes. A lot of them don't? Yes.

A lot of them don't do it. Well, that's our experience from living in clubs for the last 20 years. Yeah. I mean, it's also true of the British and the Canadians. Italians are generous, I got to say, being Italian. They want to make sure people are looking, though. Hey, yeah, I got it. I'm over here.

Yeah, we'll wrestle for a fucking check, you and I. So I'm in Hilarities next week. Where's that? Cleveland. You never went there? Hilarities in Cleveland. No. What did I do?

I did the improv once in Cleveland. You'd love Hilarities. Yeah? Good place? Beautiful, yeah. I rarely get to Cleveland. I've only been there once with Charlie Murphy and Hefron. We were touring across the country together.

Oh, I like Hefron. Great guy, isn't he? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You would like Charlie Murphy, too. Yeah, I never met Charlie. I'd like to meet him. Yeah, he's got an interesting story.

Here's a guy. You want to have fucking balls? He got on the Chappelle Show when he was in his 40s. Okay, he had no success up to that really you know a little bit here and there but really was struggling got on the chapelle show and all of a sudden started doing stand-up and started headlining like within a couple of months oh my god 45 oh jesus christ uh nope it's a it's a black check that's a white yeah because they even want to do it well maybe it doesn't exist anymore maybe she pulled it down yeah doesn't matter whatever um

yeah she did oh yeah okay well the point is uh it's unfortunate when people are shitheads you know and what was your theory about the black girls they get shafted in life no i think sometimes they they get bitter because they find that a theory about the black girls? Do they get shafted in life? No, I think sometimes they get bitter because they find that a lot of the black men become successful. Think of something. This is not a generalization. I mean, this is a generalization, obviously,

but sometimes they find getting a white woman as an arm piece and a sign of success. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's a weird thing. Or maybe they just like the way it looks. Or maybe they just want to fuck it to the man maybe just think of it it's like some white dude to suppress them's daughter right now they're just all that fantasy going on pounding it do you think that's it brian you keep nodding i'm just trying to think of something right how big your next girlfriend's gonna to be? No. What are you saying, $1.70, $1.80?

I love him going back to an average girl. I've got to get myself an average or less than average girl. He's been dating porn stars. The girl that I lost my virginity to added me on Facebook today. How fucking funny is porn star, the term, when you figure they could suck two cocks for the first time and then they're a star? Imagine the rest of show business is that easy. I don't remember

being called a comedy star when i did the tonight show you know what i mean i had done like i had done hbo specials all this shit they didn't call me a comedy star i'm a comedian you are a comedy store yeah that is interesting it's like we're so uncomfortable with sex that when we throw the word porn around we have to have a something nice nice about it star porn star rock it like a porn star you know oh he's a rock star do you still watch a lot of porn no i try not to it's all about camming nowadays what about you no but it's you know i try not to but there was a worm that came out a trojan oh yeah you were telling me like half a million yeah you freaked me the fuck out last night. You should get freaked out.

Turn your Java off, son. You know what helped me was blood pressure medication. Yeah? Because with blood pressure medication, it lowers your libido. So now I feel just like I'm kind of Irish. You know what I mean? Just like I'm healthy sexually, but not like a fucking monkey Who has to fuck Everything and all the time Yeah

Italian genetics Yeah I mean literally We both have those Wonky Sicilian genetics Yeah We have that like After you get done fucking

You go home and jerk off Thinking about what you just did It's like That's how much Fucking sexy Like I remember like You know

Sophie turning to me Going how much do you need You know Can you just play with my ass While I'm asleep Wow Is that what she said Ew I remember Sophie turning to me going, how much do you need? Can you just play with my ass while I'm asleep? Wow, is that what she said? Ew. Getting a little too comfortable with you, Dom. Is it because of the Alfredo?

Chicken Alfredo? Just all the Alfredo sauce? Yeah, that's what Italians are known for, Alfredo sauce. It's so extreme. Mega. No, it's caveman genetics is what it is. It's very simple. You know who it was? We looked like trolls. We're short, wide people. That's what it is. It's very simple. You know who it was? We looked like trolls.

We were short, wide people. That Sicilian look, you know? Wide, fathead people. That one Chris. We want to fuck a lot. Remember Christy? Remember Christy, the redhead? Yes.

She had a great body. Oh, my God. She did. We're going the way back. She went down. Remember his penis? You're right. Bonus back machine with diamond get out of my way back when i got hard-ons i remembered the boner of 95 back in the dizzay i just got silk sheets have your own silk sheets no because i'm a man what's one of those things is like why have i ever never done this before

it is amazing why would you ever done this before? It is amazing. Why would you ever have regular sheets? It's like you're laying there. It's like laying in a silky vagina. Are you alone doing this? Yeah. It's nice. That's an image I like to get out of my head.

You're lying alone naked. Do you take your underwear off because the silk just feels so good? Remember those blankets that have the silkies on the end? Just pull it over one leg. Remember the blankets that had the silky on the end? You used to put it against your cheek when you were a baby and like yes yeah and all that stuff yeah imagine a whole blanket made out of that silky and you're laying in it stuff was i can't even imagine it's so amazing so it's only like 40 on amazon i highly recommend it just buy some silk sheets you'll

you'll never buy regular sheets again i don't think look at you brian do you do it all naked i do it all the time who goes and buys sheets? Can you imagine Joe going out and buying sheets? You have to buy something. Can you rub yourself to orgasm just with your penis on the sheets? Probably could. Probably could, yeah. I mean, it's really soft. So where do you get these?

Amazon. Amazon. They're satin sheets. I just picture Dom naked, just arms flopping back and forth. Like a seal. Oh, just arms flopping back and forth. Like a seal. Will you come for me?

Yeah. I always love when they always say, will you come for me? You know what that means? I'm getting tired of jerking you off. Yeah. Get off me, you fucking freak. Crazy asshole. I hope next week South Park's all about this. Oh, that's funny.

Like a paparazzi gang and silk sheets. Come on, Trey. You don't think people were really listening about the Bigfoot stuff? I hope so. I think that would be so cool. It would be hilarious.

Because the week before... I think anybody who watches it... No one knows what we're talking about. There was... We talked about this Bigfoot show and then they talked about it

on South Park and someone on the message board said, oh, someone from South Park probably heard you guys talking about it. I'm like, but hold on, but anybody who watches that Bigfoot show is going to get the same jokes.

Yeah, but you're only missing half of it though. What? Well, also in that episode, supposedly, I haven't seen this episode, but supposedly there was a part where he's like, don't just eat your buttholes all day or something like that, Cartman says. And then the week before,

I have this whole thing at Death Squad where I take a piece of bread and I take the cat bread. I tell my fans to send me photos of them taking a piece of bread, taking a hole out of the middle of the bread, and then putting their cat head through it. And I've been doing it for about a month or so. And then last week's episode was all about fucking cat breading and shit like that.

About doing that? Yeah. Wait a minute, you invented cat bread? No, I didn't invent it. But it was definitely a lot of people, like a really small niche of the internet you know but they're on the internet too oh no no i'm just saying that it's kind of funny that that that's something that i've been doing like a lot lately on twitter but i'm not clear though are you accusing them of watching no no no no here's what i'm saying is last week when last week's episode it was really weird watching it because for the last

month that's what i've been doing on twitter non-stop so it was kind of cool to see that right and then this week i heard that they were talking about bigfoot and itching assholes and i'm like this is getting cool i hope everything that that we talk about becomes a south well now what they're gonna do is an episode about a retard radio host who can't get his facts straight and blames Cartman for something he didn't really do. Did you say cat breading? Cat breading. It's so fun. Are you talking about breeding?

Breading. No, you take the crust of a bread and you make a hole in it and then put your cat's head through it and you take a photo. He's a grown man. Isn't that strange? It's just fun to do. They don't make people like him in Philly, do they? No. Where are you from?

Ohio. Where? Columbus. I love Columbus. I love Columbus too. And actually, growing up, I only knew one Italian. It was my dad's best friend, and he lives in, I think, Pittsburgh. And the only time I would ever go to Pittsburgh,

back and forth, once a year, we'd go and they had this huge party where he just invites all his families. It was like the coolest thing ever. That's how I know Italians for my first time was that they would just have these huge parties with hundreds of family members once a year. And we were invited to that all the time.

It was so cool. That's my first introduction to Italians. I don't know why I just brought that up. The Italian American Society comes to see me every year at Columbus at the Funny Bowl. Really? And so they invite me to dinner the day I come in, which is Wednesday. And it's always fun. You know Dino, who hosts one of the shows?

You've done the Funny Bowl, haven't you? Yes. Anyway, so I go to this thing, and it's an Italian club, and long story short, a fight fucking breaks out at a club. But they're all club members. It wasn't like a club,

like a club opening to the public. They're having a boat for, the president gets up and starts talking, and this one guy goes, you know, it escalated so quickly, like one of those, what the, it escalated so quickly. Like one of those, what the fuck are you looking at? Nothing.

Who are you calling nothing? Fuck you. You know, that kind of like, you know what I mean? I'm like, we're real close to it. It was like, you know what you were saying about how you've seen things, like how unflappable you are, like you've seen things right next to you and it doesn't even faze you, like the violence? Oh, yeah. I've seen so many fights.

Well, that's what happened here, but it was such an unlikely place because everybody's cheering each other. They're either Italian or have to have some connection to Italy, whatever. And a real fight broke out. I couldn't believe it. Do you want a piece of this? I always thought that was one of the more unfortunate aspects of our culture. Italian-Americans are very prone to violence, very prone to fistfights.

Italians and Irish. Yeah, Italians and Irish. You've got some Irish in you, right? Yeah. I've got the best of both worlds. Three-quarters Italian, one-quarter Irish. Yeah, they're always like, what the fuck are you looking at? There's always a lot of that, especially the East Coast.

All those scruffy immigrants raised kids that carried a lot of those same mentalities. The East Coast is definitely more hostile. Do people ever ask you about the mob like you know it because you're part of it? Do they ever ask you? No. I get it all the time. Really? Well, because of where I'm from.

I lived in a poor black neighborhood in West Philadelphia. We moved from an Italian neighborhood. I mean, we were really connected to the mob yeah we're undercover you know that's why we're in this row home in a black neighborhood but uh because we were the oppressed whites you know which was a very interesting perspective of life because people don't ever think about what about the white kids that were left back in a tough black neighborhood I was lucky because I played ball and they were all my friends. But you couldn't walk through there, just like a black kid couldn't walk through the Italian neighborhood. Wow.

Isn't that fucked up? Yeah, it's fucked up. When are we going to move past that? And when you know the people, they're all, you know, you like them. Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course. It's like any other community. It's all about deciding, like, who's going to be nice to who.

You know, you decide that these are the people you're going to be nice to, and you're not going to be nice to those assholes over there. We were talking about how we were in Kentucky. We were in Louisville, and Louisville was playing Louisville and Kentucky. Oh, yeah. How did that go when they were playing? Crazy. They started a riot and flipped over cars.

Oh, yeah. What the fuck is that about? Lit cars on fire and shit. But the crazy thing is, it's Louisville versus kentucky it's like you say assholes it's ridiculous you're in the same same state goddamn state there's a fucking civil war this is the most preposterous thing ever yeah well what about like the same thing with auburn and alabama they it took a tornado to blow through tuscaloosa for those people to get in touch with each other they They're all the same people.

It's crazy. They're so prone to hate the neighbor or hate the Hatfields and the McCoys. I know. I mean, I said on stage about Michigan. Columbus is a high-estates home. Screw Blue Man. Why are you even talking about that? Yeah, I've had people from Columbus shit on people from Cincinnati.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Fuck Michigan. Fuck Michigan. What are you talking about? Why do you hate them? I don't know. I just hate them. Meanwhile, we're all supposed to be Americans.

It's all preposterous. All these stupid fucking things. You see Little Ligas' mother's banging out. Preposterous, I said it. You did say it. I can't help myself. You must be a Michigan guy. He has a very prodigious vocabulary.

Preposterous has been the word of the month. Oh, is it? Yeah, I've been blasting it out every time it comes into my stupid head it gets into a groove where you can't stop you go through words though definitely because i remember we used to say powerful i used to say something else like carrots or something joe was the first one i ever heard say whatever bananas instead of whatever you were the first one that made that inflection and it spread all over the valley. Whatever. You did.

You were the first one. Are you being serious? I thought you were joking. You were the first one I ever heard say it and then everybody started saying it and then you didn't say it as much. Really? What did I say?

I don't understand what you're saying. What? You know, you'd be talking about like something that would piss you off and you know, whatever, you know,

instead of saying whatever. Right. You made that beat. Whatever. And then, I didn't know I did that. I really have no idea I did that.

Joe, I know you so much better than that. You do know me very well, my friend. We've known each other a long time. Tell me more,

tell me more. We've known each other since the 90s, early 90s. I think we met in like 93. Back in the day. When I was living in New York. Remember we met at Caroline's or at Amsterdam Billiards once, too. We just ran into each other. Dom and Ray can shoot a hell of a game of pool, I'll tell you that.

I'm going to start saying that, Joe. That's the best. Whatever. Dude, it's the pause that makes it so uniquely mine. That pause in the middle of whatever. That's where all the brilliance lies. You know, you used to crack me up when people would go to me, like, whatever.

Like, you know, you're going to take credit for like that. And you were the first one I heard. But, like, people would say to me, doesn't it bother you that the Sopranos do bada boom, bada bing? I go, no. They go, but you did it before them. I go, well, because I was around before the show started. I didn't make up acting Italian. I didn't make up forget about it.

Well, I was the first one that said forget about it. I had the nastiest thing happen to me last night. I dropped my iPhone in my beer, and so I pulled it out real fast, and then I just did the first thing I thought of. I was like, I'll suck all the beer out of the iPhone. So I'm like sucking the holes

as hard as I could. Shit was coming in my mouth. But then something, like a slime thing flew out. I'm like, was that earwax or what the fuck was it? So I don't know if it was orange from my Hefenweizen or if it was earwax. You had a Hefenweizen, if it was battery acid you had a Hefeweizen

dude stop it it was a piece of orange no but I was like yeah you got your beer and it's simple orange I'm gonna be your Columbo on this one

Joe what's wrong I got your taste salt what's wrong with him exactly he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him I've been working with this fucking asshole

for a decade he doesn't think there's anything wrong with him he thinks it's me he's like, you know, you're just tense. You're from the East Coast. You're crazy with all that karate. See, the interesting thing is

the word retarded can be misused, but there is something and all due respect, there's something retard-esque about you. Look, even that vacant look that he has. Yeah, it's my age difference. you think so yeah i mean everybody your age a lot of 37 year olds are rocking it like that are you 37 yeah i'm

37 and i rock it like a 22 year old which is different but that's you rock what what do you rock i'm rocking a nintendo shirt right now do you think i want to see he's a man child you know how did you know this yeah a lot of them work in like the computer to see he's a man child you know a man yeah yeah a lot of them work in like the computer game industry a lot of man child in the comic book world you need to know what your target market how did you get this gig i mean of all the people joe knows what the fuck you doing over there i i'm ones and zeros i start talking by the way i'm gonna start talking like dropping a one or a zero in normal conversation just to put code into actually communication well do you know what you're

saying though what if you like have the fucking one or zero with some blueprints for a nuclear bomb what if when at the end of the time you know when someone deciphers all your fucking sentences for the month to figure out a nuclear bomb seven one stop it's not seven dummy it's one or zero you can't say seven you fucked up your own code you're a own code. You're a sloppy code writer. You're a sloppy code writer. Seven's the new shit. Yeah. This is what I deal with, Dom. Dom, I'm sorry.

You could do better. Oh. No, no, you're good. You think I could do better? I think you need some work. What do you think I should do with him? I would cut his hours down. Cut his air time down?

And so that he, when he comes in, he's more focused. That's podcasting You do understand We smoke a shit load of weed Before we do this Oh well This is Joe Rogan weed So you get to see

The Joe gets good Do you have a medical Thing for that Joe That's what's important We both do What's your What do you have to say

That your ailment is How do you get medical Look at him Entertainment What's right with him I'm not I need to be. What's fine? What's yours, Joe? Anxiety?

What's good? Mine's anxiety. Yeah, yeah. Sleep the whole world. Does that help? No, no, it doesn't help me. I don't have anxiety. I do have it definitely helps me go to sleep. It makes food taste better. Do the lights just blink or is that passing out? I think the lights just blinked.

Oh, good. It helps if you've got injuries. You know, you're achy. It makes you feel a little bit better. It relaxes you. It finally relaxes my muscles. I like Xanax. You don't like the weed?

No, I don't like smoke. Really? You can eat it, you know. You can eat it too, Joe. Whoa! No need to attack me. What are you getting so aggressive for? What did I do?

You said you haven't smoked weed, though, for a very long time. Since the Beatles were out. And if you take so much Xanax, you might just take a hit once just to see if it does anything for you. Any of the new stuff. Any of the levels? No, I mean, because this is a cheaper alternative that will probably... I drink a lot, though. No, I'm doing good this is a cheaper alternative that will probably... I drink a lot, though. No, I'm doing good.

I drink a lot. The way you said it was like, I take my vitamins. Do you drink every day? Yeah. Like Ed McMahon style? I do. And I'm hungover every day, which is really a testament to my comedy, because it's great. That's the great thing about being a comedian.

You can actually function. I'm way more, Joe, than when we hung out a lot. I'm way more alcoholic than I was then. Because I graduated to hard liquor. Oh. Yeah. Was it because of a girl? I don't know where to go from here.

No, because my girl, my sister died, a couple other things. But I find it to be a really fun habit you know i mean it's a i don't like to hang over but i time it i go well if i go to sleep take a half a xanax in six hours i'll be all right all right i'm a little dizzy from the combination of the tranquilizer and the alcohol but i do feel better are you supposed to take those two together no no how bad is it for you it's pretty bad well it could stop your heart. Yeah. And you're like, well, it's worth it?

No. That's why I keep the time in between them. Like six to eight hours. I made that up. I totally made it up. I'm thinking that's what it should be. The alcohol metabolizing about that much. If I'm drunk, I don't take anything.

If I feel drunk, I wait until I feel. But if you take the Xanax and you're under the effects of it, sometimes you'll have a couple drinks? No. No. Not usually. I mean, not usually. So it's one or the other.

On a plane, maybe. Oh. Yeah, it's one or the other. Hoping there's a doctor on board. Yeah. You know the odds. Yeah. You shouldn't do that.

You should switch to weed. Get off my back, will you? You don't even know me, man. What is the main reason why you're doing this? What is the main reason for Xanax? Xanax is for anxiety. Anxiety, yeah. What kind of anxiety?

You know, just like panic attacks. When did these start? When I was four. For real? This is a lifelong thing? I was raped by my entire family. They passed me around the room, and they plugged me. Like a joint.

You're a fleshlight. Like a joint. They just start pumping on me. I always had anxiety. I was a psychiatrist when I was in seventh grade. Really? I was taking tranquilizers. I did not know any of this.

Well, that's why I'm here, to reveal myself. I'll be at Hilarity's next week And you can see me At Captain Brian's The following Two weeks from now It's on my shit You went to a psychiatrist? Yeah

My mother sent me a psychiatrist And what was it for? I was in love with him No I'm kidding I was for You know Anxiety Panic attacks

Wow I have all the same things I went to the hospital About a year and a half ago I had to pull over It was for anxiety, panic attacks. Wow. I have all the same things. I went to the hospital about a year and a half ago. I had to pull over and call 911 on myself because of an anxiety attack. Really? Yeah. It cost me a lot of money. See, now I feel better.

I hope you know I was kidding you. He was high as fuck. Yeah, you've actually started something. It's already hit me. Yeah, but you were high as fuck when you pulled over. No, I wasn't. I just didn't eat all day. But didn't you get high?

Did you hallucinate? Yeah, I was. I was starting to see trails and stuff. I felt like I was having a heart attack the whole time. Yeah, that's a typical symptom of that. And I was holding my neck, and I could feel my heartbeat. But the thing that I didn't like is I called the ambulance, and they were like, yeah, there's something wrong.

And I'm like, oh, now looking back, I'm like, what the fuck? Well, how do they know? You might have had a heart attack. I mean, they didn't like i called the ambulance and they were like yeah there's something wrong and i'm like oh now looking back i'm like well how do they know you might have had a heart attack i mean they didn't know you were having a panic i love these people that think they have heart attacks they don't have chest pains they don't even know what a fucking heart attack is right you gotta have chest pains to have a heart attack i get that you would think so i would i'm pretty sure i'm not a smoker i get those too sometimes you know he's a smoker too oh you smoke cigarettes yeah cigarettes? Yeah, a lot. Kids booze. Do you work out? Oh, no. No.

I'm pretty much like you. I have a hangover every day. No, I work out though. Yeah. I work out. I work out. I domercise. You know what that is?

What does that mean? It's very low impact. You can actually eat while you're doing it. It's a form of... I watch myself on a video just exercising and I exercise

to that oh dumb I consider masturbation working out is this a bit no bit I think you might

want to throw that one out it's never been in what did you say about working out if you fuck pillows that's like working out so that's for you

that's I consider that a workout it's like pushupsups, kind of. Any movement you do adds minutes to your life on this planet. Is that true? Especially for him, yeah. Sure, he's one step on a grave, one banana peel.

Yeah. Dead man. Dead man walking. Look at him. He's not taking care of this vehicle. No. He's just riding it and stuffing Cheetos into it. He's a little pill.

I shit beer and pussy juice. The cigarettes are the real it. He's a little pale. I said beer and quesadillas. The cigarettes are the real issue. It's fucking unbelievably bad for you. Yeah. Yeah, they are really bad. You never got that, right? Cigarettes, sixth grade. Did you?

How long did you do it for? I don't know. I used to get my grandfather would get samples, and I would smoke one after another. And I'd go I go that'd be so dizzy it was like yeah because I thought you know you get high by smoking just like one after another that's what I did oh but it's a not a fun high you're dizzy like you're lightheaded you know throw up I never threw up but I it's it is nauseating I threw up from chewing it back at once

oh yeah that's so gross you know what's so gross the baseball players spit that but it's on a rug yeah the astro it's a rug it's not like grass where it gets absorbed into the ground right what is that are they allowed to spit it on the astroturf they do you'll see them oh yeah that's nasty remember that scene from uh naked gun or something where they were all start spitting? Yeah. Yeah, they're just hilarious. Whoever fucking figured out how to do that. Isn't it funny that that's legal? Chewing tobacco but cocoa leaves aren't legal.

Right. Which is probably better for you. Matter of fact, it's definitely better for you. I don't think people are chewing cocoa leaves and getting cancer. Have you ever seen these new cancer commercials they have? Oh, my God. They're scaring the fuck out of you. Yeah.

Have you seen that one, Brian? Yeah, they're pretty bad. They all suck, especially when they have holes in their throats. That doesn't make you want to quit smoking? The black guys looking out of windows. How long have you been smoking? Since I was 15. But the idea of starting now, after all we've seen, that's really crazy.

Yeah. I mean, I should talk, I'm drinking every day. Like, I don't know, alcohol's bad for you. But the idea of like thinking, you know,

I think I'll start this. I think I'll start this habit that I don't have yet. Just, you know. What made you start, because you're saying you're way more

of an alcoholic now than you were then. Well, it's a progressive disease, you know. That's the fun thing about it. You get better at it. Do you ever decide to do anything about it?

Do you ever decide to slow down? Yeah, yeah. Whenever I'm hungover, I quit until that night. And then we had a funny thing. I was on a tour bus. Remember when I was opening for Cher? Yeah. We had a funny thing.

I kidded this waitress at the Laugh Factory about it the other night. Me and my friend Ollie, we never slept on the bus. And we're drinking all night, and we go, we've got to quit drinking. And I go, okay, right, this is it. It's stupid. It's fucking killing our bodies. And so in about an hour, we're sobering up. And we go, you know, we haven't been drinking for a while.

It's great being sober what do you say we celebrate our sobriety with the drink right so that was you know that this girl the other night uh at the lab factory we did something like she goes i'm not drinking tonight i said me neither all right and we'll have one as a reward for not drinking you don't drink huh i drink i don't drink a lot but when he does he does i can throw a shot man i can do shots yeah i like to try to keep as balanced as possible you can get addicted to just getting fucked up all the time and going on stage yeah that's i don't work i don't i don't like to go on stage fucked up i do this new thing i really lose it Do you? Quickness yeah How many times Have you gone upstage

Fucked up accidentally though? Maybe 10 Maybe Maybe 20 50 For the most I hate You know

Well you know what's bad Is getting drunk If you're gonna do an hour Because you gotta pee You know You gotta really watch that That's true Yeah

But I have I'm not better As a drunk Cause I'm not nervous doing stand-up. So alcohol does me no good. Right. It just dulls me and it slows the quickness down, the reaction a little bit. Right. It slows your timing off. Yeah.

I mean, I'm much better on coffee than I am on booze. Yeah. Because I don't have any fear of the stage. I don't have any fear of... I. I don't have any fear of... I'm going to get you some of this Alpha Brain stuff. For real. Take it before you go on stage. Take it only an hour before you go on stage.

What is it? It's the stuff we're selling. That Onnit stuff. Oh, really? Yeah, I got bottles of it. I did something the other day that I started doing where I'll order vodka and Diet Coke

and then I'll tell the guy every three of them make them just Diet Cokes. So I don't even know when i'm doing it or not and uh i felt drunk at the end of the night and i was like how many have i had he's like you've only had two and you've been here for six hours so you're whoa so you couldn't have been yourself like it was like psychosomatic but it wasn't even like i was like am i drunk i don't even know if i'm drunk or not like i was confused is he retarded tell me this is the first time you're hanging out with him no like if you don't know if you're drinking alcohol any are you like

am i drunk no i know i understand you know what he's like as if this is a contradiction in terms he's like a really bright retard you know like that's what i mean i don't know how else to put it like that's exactly how he doesn't have my moto That should be your new thing On your message board He doesn't have the happiness Of a retarded kid The joy that they have, the smile He's pretty happy

I hang out with him more He's hanging out with all his porn star friends You really fucking porn stars? Fuck yeah They're not a girl girl They're only girl girl porn stars They Fuck yeah. Don't you skeeve that they've been there? Well, they're not the girl-girl porn stars. They're only girl-girl porn stars. They're girl-girl? They only do this.

Oh. And this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You don't really have to do that for me, Joey. I know what it looks like. I'm getting a kick out of doing that.

Yeah, it's a weird world. It's uncomfortable getting to know that world though with the well it's normal to them too which is very strange well it's it's it's so stereotypical that's it's the weird the weird thing about that world is you know a lot of them are very nice and you get to to meet them and you're like wow this is just some nice girl who just somehow or another she found herself in some situation where she has this almost insatiable desire for sexual attention and a lot of that is because they were molested and then when you find

that out it's a buzzkill yeah yeah yeah then you start feeling bad yeah it's a humanize them if you humanize them you're gonna lose all your fantasies you lose your boner for sure when you um when you talk to some of them some of them say that nothing's ever happened to them and i believe them i think there's it's possible that some of them just love that. Yeah, because they can need attention for other reasons. Yeah, or I don't know. Maybe they just rationalize it. I don't know.

Or maybe that's just their reality, and they don't have a problem with it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm saying when you delve into that world. There's got to be something wrong. Yeah. Well, a lot of times there is. Strippers.

I never met a stripper who was, and they're not really working their way through law school. Very rare. Some of them do. It's like a Mike of times there is. Strippers. I never met a stripper who was... They're not really working their way through law school. Very rare. Some of them do. It's like a Mike Young joke. Yeah. We're a bunch of genius strippers. I never heard that.

Yeah, Mike Young. I saw him last night. Yeah, same jokes? No, I didn't watch his show. I just talked to him. Would you ever like him at Ice House? Would that be okay? Cool.

Why'd you bring that up in the air? I don't know. How embarrassing would it be for Mike if Joe said no? Oh, that's true. We talk business off the air. What is all this with this fucking guy? Well, we've talked about Mike Young so many times on the podcast, but we've never had him on anything. He got his ass kicked one time.

Yeah. Remember that? That was brutal. He's got an interesting story about that Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't want to tell Oh, Mike Young's calling Is that him? I don't know, that's not my phone, is it?

Is it? Not my phone Dom, is that your phone? It must be your phone, bro I don't even know where my phone is Yeah, it's because it's fucking ringing, you crazy bitch He just had it, you were sucking on it I was sitting on it Yeah, remember?

The whole thing? You sucked on it I wasn't You stuffed it under Sitting on it. Yeah, remember the whole thing? You sucked on it and then stuffed it under your ass. I work with him on a regular basis, Tom. Do you do stand-up? Yes. I'm about to go on the road with Joey Diaz. Yeah, I know. You told me.

You don't believe he does stand-up? Well, you find it shocking? I find it a little uncomfortable to talk about. What's blackened on top of a stairway? What? Christopher Reeves after a fire. That was really good like five years ago. It's good to hear a good crisp new Christopher Reeves.

Now you just wasted time. Now you wonder why you get hate mail. You wonder why people, I banned a couple people from talking shit about you on the message board oh by the way there's a did you watch the modcast uh your message board now has a podcast that mute jason and voodoo and johnny rotten did doing it themselves yeah i might fly up uh one day and yeah i want to do it too we should do a gig up there that'd be awesome do a gig in seattle and then do the podcast definitely yeah you know what's a joke that I love? Tell me what you think it is. Maybe you heard it.

Guy goes, psychiatrist. Psychiatrist says, what's the problem? He goes, I don't know, doc. I just can't seem to keep any friends, you fat fuck. You said you went to a psychiatrist when you were 17. Have you been as an adult? No, 13. Oh, 13.

Really? 12, 13, yeah. Wow. Have you been as an adult? when you're 17? No, 13. Oh, 13. Really? 12, 13, yeah. Wow. Have you been as an adult? Not a psychiatrist, psychologist. That's the kind that don't prescribe drugs, right? Huh.

You want to talk about that? No. Oh, Joe. I'm telling you, Dom, I think you would like pot. The Xanax stuff, what does it do? It kills anxiety, makes you relax. Is that what it does?

Yeah. It's great. It makes you feel like you're a normal person. What I've heard, though, is that if you take it and then you get off it, the anxiety actually increases. Well, I wouldn't get off it. So it's a daily thing. Every day. I had just heard from someone.

We were just talking about this and he goes, I couldn't fucking imagine taking Xanax every day. He just said this to me. Because it makes you sleepy. I don't know. I don't know what it does to you. Do you want to try one? No. I'll have one. Well, why don't we, when we get in the car, I'll give you one.

I don't think it's for me. I've actually tried Xanax. No, I'm glad that you do pot i'm glad i mean i'm telling you like i was telling you before you seem so much more at peace with yourself i had a bunch of calm down a lot i think it definitely helped i had a bunch of life experiences a bunch of a bunch of psychedelic experiences too a bunch of i'd be so afraid to do that shit yeah why well because i'm a pussy. I'm registered. I'm a registered pussy. Yeah, the psychedelics changed me a lot, for sure.

It's hard to gain a perspective on life while you're in it. I've done them, yeah, I'm sure, several times. It's all about bath salts. Don't even say that, Brian. I'm just kidding. Bath salts are fucking stupid. Yeah, somebody might hear that and actually think you should do it. Bath salts. It's some new fucked't even say that Brian Just kidding Bath salts are fucking stupid Somebody might hear that And actually think

You should do it Bath salts It's some new Fucked up drug They're selling It's like a cousin To crystal meth And they can sell it

You know what's even worse Is that fake weed That weed I've been reading All this shit lately About that fake weed The synthetic weed The synthetic weed

How bad it is for you That's not good You know what's good About the pot that you get Is that you're getting it From an illegal place Yeah Which means Hopefully That's not good. You know what's good about the pot that you get is that you're getting it from a legal place. Yeah. Which means,

hopefully, it's not tainted in anything. I don't know why anybody would go to a really shady neighborhood and buy shit off a drug dealer who may never see them again.

Why would you trust that guy? Let me cut in that show of ideas. You gotta do what you gotta do. You gotta get the cheapest prices. You gotta do

what you gotta do. Why would I pay double the amount prices. You got to do what you got to do. Why would I pay double the amount? When you're in Rome, you got to dance. That's one of those sayings that you can't argue with. You got to do what you got to do. It is what it is. It is what it is. What else could it be than what it is?

What else could it be? You could be looking at it in a distorted way because saying it is what it is, is you might be looking at it in some sort of a fucked up way to justify your position i never expected an answer to that question it was a rhetorical question i appreciate the well i'm one of those guys i don't let them all float out there if you whack around a rhetorical one that needs to be addressed yeah in a very literal sense i'm ready i was laughing about something last night about you. I was telling Eleanor about, I would, you know, he's so good at pool, Joe,

that, you know, it's really tough to beat him, even a nine ball, which can involve a lot of luck. And I would start talking about Carlos Mencia. This was years ago. Just to aggravate him and his fucking stick would pop you know like he would get aggravated

just looking for any kind of edge I at the comedy store the other day I was there somebody tore down Carlos Mencia's picture

and threw it in the trash and everyone thought I did it and I was like fucking assholes someone trying to impress you probably somebody wants you

to be your boyfriend did you do stand up at the comedy store I'm only allowed on friends and family you know like like if there's a host i know they'll let me do you know you do the belly room no no the main main room or no oh army or but it's like a three to five minutes what a great club what a great all-time club dominic what's your favorite club in the country all-time club dominic what's your favorite club in the country probably that one in columbus as far as a a a neutral club i mean you know funny bone yeah i mean i love uh wildwood when i do the wildwood gig uh it's uh really special to me because i'm from philly and wildwood's like

the suburb of philly that you know do you do helium yeah great club yeah that's a that's another all-time classic i'm doing do you ever do captain bryans did i ask you that no it's my ship it's in marco island so it's beautiful it's a great it looks like a b room but they pay like a and a room and it's just fun i mean being on you know that kind of environment that columbus ohio by the way, Funny Bone, that's my home club. That's where I started stand-up. Stroop's a great guy. I also like Tampa and the Hollywood Improv. How many weeks are you on the road a year?

I don't know, Joe. It's all coming up if I'm doing TV or not. Like when I was doing that judge show, I was less. I would say at least half the time. And what was that judge show? It was called Supreme Court of Comedy. It's actually coming back. It was on DirecTV, and it was fun.

It was like, I'd love you to do it. What did you do? I'm the judge, and it's real small claims cases, and people sign a contract that says they can't sue again in a real small claims court that I make the final decision. Right. And I just told them. I said, you know, I don't really know much about the law.

I said, I'm not fair. If it's a hot chick, you're going to win something. And, you know, that's the way life is. You know, I did something exactly like that a long time ago. Really? Merv Griffin tried to do it. It's called Rogan's Law. Same thing. Are you serious? We did a pilot for it before i ever did fear factor yeah it didn't they didn't

do it though they never uh did you have comedians as lawyers yeah yeah no not as lawyers there's no comedians as lawyers but there's a god i wish i could remember their names one of the comics i see him around the improv i'm sorry i'm blanking on his name. He was the bailiff. And there was another guy. We had hot chicks at the bailiff. Oh, really? And that's why your show worked. And mine didn't even go past pilot. We did three years.

Didn't Mooney do something like that, too? Well, he was on my show a lot. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I got to say, he really gave good energy. He really did. Mooney's a pro. He really went out 100%.

You know, It was fun You know who was fucking hilarious Andy Kindler Kindler's very funny He had me crying laughing This little nebbishy Jewish guy He was walking around He's almost like this Woody Allen look

He was funny And it's interesting to see Because you can tell which comedians have improv chops and which guys are only funny behind their act right away you know yeah sure and i'll tell you who was really prepared to the point where it was like a lawyer was lovitz really oh he went up against kevin pollack poor kevin pollack he was doing adam arkin impressions alan arkin yeah and he was doing impressions Arkin impressions. Alan Arkin? Alan Arkin. Alan Arkin.

Yeah, Alan Arkin. And he was doing impressions. And these kids, I said, we got like 17-year-old kids in here. They don't know what you're doing. Yeah. You know, it's like Joe Piscopo did The Three Stooges. Now they're going to know them again because of the movie. But then I go, first of all, you're not even doing like, at least do Shemp.

Update it from Curly. You know, he's doing Curly. You understand what our audience is? So Kevin Pollak does Alan Arkin. And what did Lovitz do? Lovitz was just fucking hilarious. And he was really prepared. And he was going, Kevin would go to say something.

He would go, silence. Silence, you impudent queer. You're an alcoholic faggot. He was doing all this shit. You called him a faggot? Yeah, you know, they bleeped that out. But, you know, just like anything he could think of, you know, to put him down. Yeah.

It was funny, though. So you did that for three years? Yeah. And it's only on DirecTV? It was, yeah. Did it get on the internet at all? Did anybody think to put it on a website? I don't know.

I don't know. But we're going to do a podcast, I told you, from the Laugh Factory. Who are you going to do it with? Myself. Just you? Yeah,

well, unless anybody else is available. Brian, you want to be in business with Brian? Brian actually does a whole string of podcasts in Pasadena. Do you really?

Yeah. Yeah, Pasadena Ice House. I have a studio at the Ice House. Did I do it with you? Yeah, you were at my Ice House Chronicles. Oh, that's why I know your face. Yeah. I already explained that. That Xanax is a motherfucker. Yeah, I have a studio at the Ice House. Did I do it with you? Yeah, you were at my Ice House Chronicles. Oh, that's why I know your face.

I already explained that. That Xanax is a motherfucker. Yeah, I remember. Was that today? Earlier today. Yeah, it was this morning when we did the podcast. How many of those? You take one half a day?

Is that what you do? No, I take three halves. Three halves in a day? Yeah. How long have you been doing that? I don't know. Five years. Wow. Ever since you left me, you son of a bitch. Does. How long have you been doing that? I don't know. Five years. Wow.

Ever since you left me, you son of a bitch. Does it make a big difference? I don't know. I don't know what it's like not to take it. Do you want to? Do you ever say,

you know what, tomorrow I'm going to become a vegan, start doing yoga, drink spring water, go for morning jogs? Never. Or why don't I just jump out of a fucking window and stare?

No, I don't. I mean, when you get ideas in your head of moderation what is the you know you just go oh this probably can't be good for me let me just kick back a little stick around a little longer like what do you what are you thinking of when you when you go moderation uh i think i only think that way when i'm hung over and then when i'm uh when i'm normal i feel invincible you know what i mean i'm normal what i'm normal no i mean i just feel like i could drink and i i don't so uh a little bit of booze and a little bit of xanax just makes you feel great you just feel on top of well yeah a little bit does. A little bit does. A lot of booze. I never, I never, I was talking to an emergency room doctor and she told me

that the Xanax that I take, at the level I take it, is probably a placebo at this point. Really? Well, she said because, you know, you never,

I never upped the dosage because I'm not that stupid. You know, I don't want to get to a point. I never got high on Xanax. Well, is that what you're supposed to do? Are you supposed to continue

to up the dosage? No, but I think if I were an addict in the sense of like being really addicted to the drug and the feeling of it it would be normal to try and get higher right i think it's just a psychological thing that i think i need it to go back to sleep and all well when you hear about uh guys like rush limbaugh and he starts doing oxys and you know you hear about him doing 99 a day and you know you know you want to do that xanax every day and have a drink every day do you ever see that and go fuck like how far away is that from what i'm doing no you're you're maintaining in the maintaining yeah very specific i worry more about the booze i mean like i'm not into like painkiller right

do you remember when i had that operation on my balls? What did you have done to your balls? I had them, a plastic surgery to have them reshaped. No, I had to make them look yummy. I had them dipped in chocolate. No, I had this thing called a spermatocele, and it's a rupture of the sperm duct, so your ball starts getting bigger. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I do remember that.

Yeah, you were in a lot of fucking pain. Yeah, but the thing that was interesting was I never took painkillers because if you moved, it really hurt. But what I did was I'd have Sophie and I would split wine, a bottle of wine. I'd rather get high on alcohol than take Vicodin or something. So I'm not really like a drug addict except for one drug. I'm not like a guy that just pops pills and fucking drinks like wildly.

Wow. I'm a very conservative addict. But you feel dependent on this experience, like having this experience every day, being in that state. Yeah. Wow. But I don't feel bad about it. Yeah, I mean, I don't feel the need to correct you or give you any advice. You seem like pretty resigned to it.

I'm too scared to. You're scared of his wit? His comedy. Scared of what? I'm scared of your comedy. You're scared of your comedy and your wit? I don't want to say anything. My rapier-like wit?

Why are you turning on him? Did I go after you too hard? No, no. Nah, he needed it. I'm just a beautiful retard or something. You did what you needed to do. Yeah. And considering the circumstances, how he was behaving.

Look at the way he looks around. Well, he goes over the top for this show. And a lot of people don't understand that. It's like half of his fun is to play a fucking head-wound victim. It's like him being silly. He plays a character. It's not that I'm playing a character. I'm just, I don't filter myself.

Why do you got to disagree with Joe? What, do you get a kick out of disagreeing with the boss? He's not quite like that when the camera's off. Right. I filter myself, act polite. And sometimes he goes a little over the top. I'll come here. He's just trying.

It's all coming from a good place. He's trying to get better at when to go over the top and not to go over the top. How's his stand-up? It's not bad. It's not bad. He's got some good jokes. He's got some good jokes. If he wanted to and he dedicated himself to it, he could be a real professional.

The problem is he's a lazy bitch. Do you want to hear my Bob Hope joke? No. It's actually not a bad joke. Do you want to hear my Bob Hope joke? No. It's actually not a bad joke. All right. Did you hear Bob Hope died today? Oh, really? Yeah.

Do you think they flew out his body to Iraq to entertain all the dead troops? I'm not sure. Where's the joke? That's the old joke. Oh, that's the joke. Oh, yeah. That was six years ago at Columbus, Ohio, Funny Boat, and I got booed in his. And then I quit comedy for five years because of it.

What a relief. Yeah. Damn it. You know what's really hard to fathom is, and this is not to depress you, you're 37. All right. No matter what you do, no matter how much you work, you'll never be as good as Joe or myself. I know.

Isn't that sad in a way? Well, no. You can put your whole heart and soul, you can get writers, and you'll just never as good as Joe or myself. Isn't that sad in a way? You can put your whole heart and soul, you can get writers, and you'll just never have that natural gift. It's not sad because I don't want that. It's easy to say you don't want it because you don't have a choice.

I do comedy for a different reason. I do comedy because I think it's fun once in a while, but I don't obsess about it. I do it once a week, I'm good. I don't care. I do so much podcasting, consider this like a different kind of comedy where instead of doing like 15 people at a comedy club i'm doing you know 500 000 people you know on my podcast yeah it is a kind of form of comedy you know i've heard people say that about posting on message boards they're

like internet comedians right just like text-based internet comedians right it is there's a there's you know i'm usually somebody that hides in the corner underneath a hat so being on stage to me it doesn't do anything for i don't get a boner about it like but i do like to be funny and silly and tom's old school he doesn't silly men in their late 30s he's like come on with this come on old school but he is he's funny he could be funny if you know, I know he's funny. He's got the man-boy market covered. You know, it's a market. It's out there. Yeah, yeah.

Bill Burr attacked it recently. Yeah, he was really upset about it. And I totally understand what he's saying, but I don't get what alternative comedy is to me. Because if you go to the biggest alternative website, a special thing.com, they were talking about Patton Oswalt, Sarah Silverman.

Patton Oswalt is one of the best joke writers that I know. That guy is fucking hilarious. Alternative comedy is simply a way of saying comedy for us. They're the people who couldn't get on at the regular places. Even the people that could, that they worship, like Patton Oswalt, who's, like you said,

great comedians. It's just comedy man you know the idea is that what burr said that was so hilarious was that they took the fear out of comedy and they made it so everyone's ultra supportive and you go there and you can be like really awkward yeah tell stories and he goes meanwhile we had to go through fucking bars you know the places that we did stand up we were starting out and getting booed at and screamed by drunks. Yeah, but do you believe

if you're either funny or you're not? Yeah. Do I believe that? Yeah. I used to believe that, but then I seen people that were fucking terrible

and they stuck with it and they figured it out. I want to say names. Yeah, but they learn, you can get to a certain point on hard work, but there's a certain point you can't get to without talent.

Yes. Maybe. I don't know. I would say yes, but God damn it, I've seen people that I thought just absolutely sucked, and they figured out how to be funny.

They weren't bad. They were good. Who's the best untalented comedian you've ever seen? I don't want to say. I have one, but I don't want to say it either. I don't want to say. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings have one, but I don't want to say it either. I don't want to say it.

I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I'll tell you who's injured. All right, name me your three top comedians, us excluded, that you see working right now. Working today? Doug Stanhope's my favorite. After that... Doug Stanhope. The only thing about Doug, is he angry about something? After that... Doug Stam...

The only thing about Doug, is he angry about something? Can't tell. Are you kidding? Yeah, of course I'm kidding. How dare you. Who else? Louis, just for sheer prolific amount of work.

Amazing, yeah. He puts out a new hour every year. His stuff's great. I definitely have people I like to see that don't really necessarily stand up though maybe alternative like Don Barris

there's only three people that I watch at the comedy story and everyone else I really don't watch it's Don Barris Brody Stevens Dave Taylor

I saw Norton do a headline set in Austin last year when I was there for a UFC and I didn't book a gig I went to see him at the what is it Cap City he was fucking great, man.

He was really funny. Norton killed. It was so dirty that sometimes I feel like I have too many dick jokes when I act. I'm like, what is wrong with you, you fucking pervert? And then I saw Norton. It was an hour solid of dick jokes. People shitting on people. Yeah, an hour solid of his cock whining in someone's mouth.

Then I for the entire time yeah he's he's great um depalo's great there's a lot of great comedians out there right now man this is a great time for robert kelly's fun robert kelly i love burr tosh great yeah tosh is a natural and burr is really prolific, too. Oh, man. He's constantly coming up with new shit. Yeah, there's a lot of great guys now. It's a great time for comedy. Comedy comes in waves.

It does, doesn't it? Because there was such a dearth of talent at the store. For a long time. Yeah. And your group started up. Yeah, when we came there in the 90s, remember how bad it was? You'd have these fucking guys go up,

and they were terrible. There were people that would sing songs, and they wouldn't even have a joke in it. It would just be like a really, like a fucking famous hit song, and they would just sing it. Right, right. And then end. Yeah. Oh, you remember fucking, what's his name, Barry Diamond?

He used to walk in, what is it? Walking in Memphis. Walking in Memphis. He would go on stage singing And really singing it And everybody would be waiting For it to be a joke I told you he threatened

To kill me once Because he said I was stealing his act Because some bartender In San Francisco Said I was doing his act I brought him in one night To see me

I said Did you see anything? He goes no Because he had asked me To help him out He bad mouthed me to the guys in Atlanta. And I got no beef with Barry. And he said, well, if Dom American had a line, why can't I?

And these guys are friends of mine. So they called me up and said, who is this fucking guy? I said, Barry, why would you bad-mouth me when you don't know who's friends with who? He said, well, I'm sorry. Can you try and get me the gig now? I go, no. I'm not going to help you now. Comedians are so screwy.

I saw Barry Diamond the other day. I actually talked to him. Really? I saw him do stand-up at the Comedy Store. How was it? It's good. Barry Diamond's a good comedy. I saw a girl.

A girl. A chick. A woman. Did he try to touch you or anything? He kissed me on the lips a little. You saw a girl? Mary Lynn Rice Cobb? Yeah, she was funny.

That's Duncan's old girlfriend. Oh, that's right. Ex-fiance. She kicked him out and he had to live with me. Are you serious? Yeah. He lived here? He lived here for a few months, yeah.

Lucky bastard. Nicest place he ever had. Did his puppets stay outside? No, I kept the puppet in my room. I said, I keep the puppet. That's part of the deal. I want him to watch me. Duncan's doing great.

He's fucking killing them, man. We went on the road. We did Louisville together. He got a standing ovation every time he went on stage. Did he really? It's crazy. It's because of this podcast. Oh, that's great.

Yeah, if you do great on the podcast, it's fucking awesome for you. Unfortunately, because of this episode, your Twitter numbers are probably going to drop. Really? Yeah. People are going to unfollow you. I shouldn't have gone into the xanax thing people are gonna feel bad for me no you're being honest i think the way you're explaining it and describing it is um you know it's uh you're you're pretty logical about it you know you're

not yeah i can't imagine not doing it really i'm in love with it without it what was the feeling what is when you describe anxiety how would anxiety? How would you categorize it? Like emotional tap dance. Just like jittery and... Always? Well, I never wait for the moment because I always take the pills. So when did it start?

I'm fine on stage. Please do not come because of this. Yeah, why is that? Because on stage you're super calm and smooth. That's because of where I feel at home. Oh, that's crazy. I don't feel at home. Wow.

Imagine that for most people, getting on stage and public speaking is one of the most terrifying things. Joe, honestly, I think my pulse goes down when I'm on stage. goes down when I'm on stage. The only time in the last 15 years I was ever a little bit anxious was Madison Square Garden with Cher, because I was worried about the sound system and the people in the back not hearing me, because I heard it was a little screwy. And my sister got a little panicky about me going on. She goes, I can't believe you're going to go up in front of all these people. And that kind of got into my head.

And I didn't want to look up at the banners and stuff of the knicks and rangers and the history and the garden and thinking right holly frazier and sinatra was there and the beatles were there whatever did you lock up i was fine but i mean i did have a glass of wine and i didn't i wanted the set to be over the first one we did it two nights the second it's so funny how relative it is, because the next night after the second set, we were at the Pepsi Center in Denver, which is bigger than the garden.

And I thought, oh, it's good to be out of there. I'm so relaxed. I'm so relieved. Does the history of the garden fuck with you? Well, that's what it did, yeah. I started letting it creep into my head. You opened for Whitney Houston too, huh? Yeah yeah that was uh not fun it wasn't fun no wouldn't he uh you know she never talked to me she had bouncers around her and i thought and they'd say a prayer and i thought

geez i don't know if jesus had 300 pound bouncers i think they were mostly like fishermen who were kind of thin wafi like and uh her father was a. And he says, I'd like you to work on my daughter again. This is really going well. I says, well, thank you. I'm thinking, no way I'm working with her again. And she would come in late. She was with Bobby Brown already. And they'd come in.

Like, one night I'm on stage for 45 minutes at the Sands. Killing! And I told the audience. I says, look, I've got to tell you something. She's not here. I don't want you to think because you're a good character. Because I'm from Philly. And it was Atlantic City.

And a lot of them knew me already. And I said, she's not here. I don't want to leave you in the dark. That's why I'm staying on stage. I'm not being self-indulgent. And they start cheering, knowing I was really doing it for them. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah.

And then she finally came. How long did you stay on stage? 40, 50 minutes. Oh, my god. Did you do a lot of crowd work? No, and then she finally came. How long did you stay on stage? 40, 50 minutes. Oh, my God. Did you do a lot of crowd work? No, I didn't do any. Well, it's lucky that it's Philly, though. I mean, if there's any place where you could do that, it's Philly.

Well, I mean, the thing is, if they were upset, I would have gotten off. I mean, the only time I had trouble with a big crowd was in Dayton, Ohio, because they really fucking hated me. They hated me so much they came to Cleveland to boo me. Are you serious? Yeah. But they couldn't get, I said, you're still here, but you still can't get good seats.

They were in the back booing me. Really? Yeah. They hated you so bad they came to another place? Here's what happened. Well, I mean, there are probably sheriff fans coming to see her. And generally, her crowd was so eclectic that it was easy to do stand-up for her

because she doesn't get like a rock and roll crowd. It's not like Quiet Riot or something. It's like she's got people because she won Academy Awards. You've got grandmothers with their granddaughters and transvestites. Yeah, people forget she won an Academy Award. Yeah, and also an Emmy Award. Badass bitch. Great career, yeah.

So I'm up on stage And this girl starts screaming And the crowd was really good This girl starts screaming Share, share I go, you know She'll be out in a little while Share, share, share And then finally I lost my patience

I go I said, first of all She's not even here yet She hasn't even put her first eyelash on She's, you know I said, there's a break I said, who do you think i am like the a friend of the the owner of the building i said i'm a comedian i gotta do share i go listen you stupid son of a bitch you think i'm gonna i'm gonna lift up the curtain she's gonna come out and sing for you you fucking

idiot and then the crowds and then i went after her and i just start you know boom one after another and then the crowd start booing well they got upset with me and i go hey i'm sorry but she's fucking annoying you know and that was my only really bad experience and you know and it's pretty tough when you lose an arena whoa it ain't like losing 300 people at a comedy club and getting them back when you lose an arena like well it's a real problem when no one wants to see you. Then they're there to see something else. But see, she put me on the bill,

which really made it classy. It wasn't like, you know, special guest or anything. It was like... Opening act. That's what happened to Kurt Fox recently with Charlie Sheen. Remember that? No.

Watch the video. They gave him a chance. He ate dick up there. They gave him a chance. No, I disagree they gave him a chance no i disagree i watched that well they weren't yeah no i'm saying that they weren't really there to see him they were they were down they gave him a chance they gave him a chance and he didn't come with any jokes that that's not that's not what happened in that situation i think kurt himself will admit to that he just didn't work well when we had him on the podcast he's got a sort of an ironic sense of humor and he's and he's got a good delivery,

but I think he requires an attentive audience. Yeah, but he also said on the podcast we had at Death Squad that when he came out, that people didn't know what to expect. And so he came out and just started doing comedy, and people immediately, when he came out, started going, who the fuck's this? Where's Charlie Sheen? Oh, so that's a big difference.

Yeah, well, that's him being a rookie. He's going up, and he's going up. Yeah, but these people paid money to Charlie Sheen, sorry that's a big difference yeah well that's him being a rookie he's going up yeah but these people pay money to Charlie Sheen and some dude's just sitting there talking that's what he was saying again that's him

being a rookie you have to address that if you're hired as a comedian to go on stage in front of Charlie Sheen and no one knows what the fuck is going on this is the first show

you guys have done and that's what happened you gotta go on stage and you go you gotta set him up I don't know what the fuck Charlie's gonna to do tonight. Think about how, like, Kennison would handle that or something like that.

Pace in the stage, who's here to see Charlie Shade? I mean, it's really bad if you're not on the bill. Yeah, it's terrible. I mean, it's very classy. I mean, Cher was classy, you know. Classy, classy. Well, yeah, the dame had classy. And I think there was something else that, like, they were waiting for a long time and it was really late.

Oh, they were waiting for Charlie to write an act? Yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure there's a lot of that. But, you know, you've got to learn how to... If you're going to open for a guy like that,

you have to have some fucking rock-solid material. What did he think was going to happen, Joe? What did Charlie Sheen think was going to happen? He was going to write an act that quickly?

Well, that's what he wound up doing. What he wound up doing is bringing comedians with him. I know Russell Peters did a couple of them. He did Toronto with him and a few other places, I think, as well. And they would go up on stage, and Russell would sit down with them, and Charlie would interview, you know, Russell would interview Charlie and talk to him and then crack a bunch of jokes along the way. And, you know, Russell's great at that shit.

Russell's so fucking funny. He's a great guy, too. Great guy. And he And, you know, Russell's great at that shit. Russell's so fucking funny. He's a great guy, too. Great guy. And he's, you know, it's so funny. Every time I sit next to an Asian person, I mean, I'm talking about Asia, from Cambodia to Pakistan. I always ask them if they know Russell Peters. If we get into a talk, if they ask me what I do. And they all know him.

Wow. Talk about one continent to pick to watch your back, Asia. Dude, he sold out the O2 Arena. I think it was two nights in a row in London. That's what they did to the UFC. They did the UFC there. And Russell Paxson plays some comedy. You know the coolest thing about him is that he constantly surprises me.

There's this guy named Pauly. He's this big Twitter guy. And he just gave him a chance. Like, hey,'s that bit this big twitter guy uh and he just gave him a chance like hey why don't you come out to arizona and open up for me and then he did the same thing to a door guy uh jesus over at comedy store just grabbed him was like hey he was one of the guys that came to dead mouse's studio that night he he opened for him in irvine he brings uh mike young on the road with him too yeah he just grabs people and he gives them chances a lot like just random guys and it's really neat.

Yeah, Russell's a real good dude. He's a real good dude. There's a lot of good people in comedy. You know, it's an interesting thing about comedians and, you know,

becoming friends with a bunch of them and, you know, it's like you get the greatest people to communicate with. You know what cracks me up when people don't know

that we're really friends? Like they think we're in constant competition. My competition is with me trying to get better better it's like somebody said to me um i don't mean to offend you but i really like uh robin williams i said well you're allowed to like robin williams i said what do you think somebody even said that about burr about you know i just want to tell you i think he's funny i don't mean to offend you offend me i think he's funny too i think he's great yeah i go what do you think

i think i carry comedy on my back and how dare you insult me by liking another comedian it'd be a lot of pressure but dom you've always been a supporter of comedians you you were always great you gave me great advice when when you know i was first coming up at the store you always always when someone have a good set you would always Be like really Complimentary And you know Talk to them About what you Really liked

Some comedians Don't do that shit Some comedians They never Go up to a young guy And give him props I mean I love To fucking laugh

Me too When you did That Joe your face When you did New Rules Oh the Anna Nicole Smith joke

One of the funniest I swear to god Your neck got longer That was a bit New Rules Work Oh, the Anna Nicole Smith joke? It was one of the funniest. I swear to God, your neck got longer. That was a bit that would work and not work and eat it and kill. That was a bit that took a long time. I remember coming up and telling you that because it was a new line to me. I was fucking crying. New Rules.

The 90-year-old bit. I worked on that bit for a fucking year. That was one of those bits that just kept tweaking it. I could never get it right. I knew there was something in this. It's like my Dahmer size bit. Dom, you only opened up with it today. I think you're going to be fine.

What do you got there, fella? Energy drinks? Yeah, we're going to wrap this thing up soon. It's almost two hours in. So where are you going to be next, Dom? I'll be at Hilarity's next week And then in two weeks I'll be What is it? 25th I think

Captain Brian's 26th, 27th, 28th And you're on Twitter Dom Irera I-R-E-R-R-A On Twitter Joe it was really nice meeting you Dom

We already knew each other You mean it was nice hanging out with you. Oh, okay. Does anybody have any more Xanax before we go? Do you feel weird about revealing that to the world? No, I don't care. No? You don't care?

I don't give a fuck. The only reason I would like to be gay is just to come out. Just to make fun of you. Just to say you don't give a fuck. But I mean, I'm not gay because I like women so much, but it would be like,

I was thinking about it, even at this point, the way I look now, and this is what's great about show business and, you know, is that I couldn't be gay if I wanted to

because I could never get guys as good looking as the girls I could get because guys are more superficial and you can get girls because they like talent and money. Anyway, the guy who got thrown back into the closet. We don't need you out here. That's funny.

I would like to be gay just so I can come out. That would be a great party. That's a good party. It's a news thing. Just so you can say you don't give a fuck. Were you surprised when Kevin Meany came out? It was like in his 50s. Joe,

there's only a certain amount of show tunes you can sing and not be gay. I was surprised with Todd Glass. I didn't see that coming. I was as well. You weren't surprised? No,

but I have a thing on my phone of Todd Glass talking to me that I'll let you hear afterwards. I thought you were going to say. Was he drunk? No, no, no. I offended him, and he called to reconcile it.

And the Florida radio station called me to bust his balls, and I didn't realize what I was saying. And I like Todd. I really would never want to hurt him. But I was saying that. He says, you never thought I was funny, did you? I said, Todd, I always thought you were funny. I mean, not like laugh out loud funny, but, you know, amusing. Like you're never going to go and see a Todd Glass and go, my stomach hurts.

But, you know, you were funny. I mean, you're like the Tuesday, Wednesday, and Sunday headliner, you know? And I didn't know it, but that's what he was doing that weekend. And I was crushing him. He's a very sensitive guy. And if he hears this would just be here's this i love him but i yeah i was just joking around and i didn't know i was hitting on some from some sore points you know todd glass called me up after the mencia thing somehow or another we got on the

phone together and he was one of like you know a lot of comedians were happy after that went down but todd and i really didn't know each other very well and he was so enthusiastic and happy and he just said thank you thank you just thank you for doing then he dropped to his knees that was so amazing no i'm glad now in retrospect that i didn't give him a big long hug and both of my parents are retarded go crazy both of my parents are gay how dare he the Gay retards. But, you know, there was a few people that were fascinated by it, but he was, like, super thankful. And I talked to, you know, Kindler and I briefly said, you know,

we're like, maybe there should be some sort of a fucking comedians union. You know, should there be a union or something? They tried it. They tried it in New York. But that was about, like, pay at the clubs, right? Is that what it was about? No. They tried it in New York. But that was about like pay at the clubs, right? Is that what it was about? No, no.

It was past that. It was about health insurance and trying to unionize. But it's tough when everybody's in competition with each other for jobs. I think the only place it would work is if,

you know, when you have to get rid of thieves. That is when having comedians together. People don't understand the issue behind thievery, and that's why there was a lot of people that thought that what I did was really douchey when we released that Carlos video. But when you have someone who is being unchecked

and they're doing well, and they're just running through the comedy world, people don't understand what that's like. It's like you're working with someone who just might steal your car, and no one else that you work with is going to do shit about it. The guy's just going to steal your car. I mean, really, that's what it's like. A joke is actually worth more than a car.

You've got to agree. Jokes are hard. Hey, how about this? As you can tell by your Bob Hope joke. We're at the Jerry's Deli today eating lunch, and a chick came over and quoted one of your jokes. I mean, think about that joke. That's a fucking 15-, 20-year-old joke, old joke right i mean think about how much that's worth that's

worth more than a car yeah somebody could just that's awesome that happened yes where we were eating so someone could just gank that they could just just steal that right in front of you and we had like a real problem with we've had a problem with a couple of guys at the store when you watch that shit happen and you know you've seen it all we've all seen it happen through you know several times throughout our career a guy who comes along who's just a fucking buccaneer who's just grabbing them from all over the place and nobody wants to do anything about it that's the time where i think something like a comedy union would help you know we could all get together and just all of us unanimously say ladies and gentlemen of the audience,

you people out there that pay to see stand-up comedy, this guy is a fucking thief. Yeah. This is just what it is. And it's signed Dom Irera, Tim Allen, blah, blah, blah. Why did I say Tim Allen? I don't know. I never hang out with that guy.

That was an obscure reference to pull out of all the people. I never even heard you mention Tim Allen. I think I have. I never have. I met him once. I think I never have. I never have. I met him once. He was a nice guy. Yeah, he's a very nice guy. Went on stage at the comic store.

I was doing a joke about his Ferrari breaking down. Yeah, I know. That's something everybody can relate to, huh? Yeah. It pissed me off because I had to drive my Maserati that day. And I hate that. He was sticking it in your face, Dom. Dom had a Cadillac once where he put a vinyl roof on it.

You know, when you get one of those nice, smushy roofs. It might have been one of the last ones made in America. Like, you had the Cadillac, and then you had the roof put on. I remember. You were like, Joe, I think I'm going to get a nice, soft roof on that. Did I really? You don't remember? It's such a fucking awesome guinea move.

And I embrace so many things guinea that I thought it was hilarious that you were doing that. I was like, yeah, yeah, go for it. I want to get a pinky ring too. Fuck it. I was like, I'll goomba it up a little. We're trying to out-goomba each other. And you went and you got it done. You had a nice Cadillac.

And you had the back end. You had a nice vinyl roof put on. You're like, what do you think? It just looks classier. Remember when cars had those brawls in the front that used to be really big i used to have them on my supra he's that cool super leather bra a friend of mine had a mazda rx7 one of the fucking cool years like with the flip up headlights and shit and he had a bra and i was like that might be the dopest car of all time mazda had a hell of a car in that RX-7.

Like, one of the last models, right around the time where Acura came out with the NSX, around that, and Toyota came out with the Supra.

You're not into cars. John Marrera doesn't even have a navigation system. How about that? Well, I tell John... Because I wouldn't be able to figure it out anyway.

You're burying it up. That's so ridiculous. Burying it up. You know what, he has a Prius. He has a navigation system. He has an alligator system. Oh, now I do. Then he used to.

I don't have cars like you have. I mean, my God, they're incredible. And you fucking terrorize me with driving around with you. You go from point A to point B in 60 miles an hour. It scares me. Unbelievable. And I was getting like jeez from getting thrown back, but I tried to act normal.

My head's hitting the thing. But the most cathartic thing about this whole experience was i finally got to tell you i was afraid of the pitbulls because i mean i told you without reason i never wanted you to think and i i never had the heart to tell you that i didn't want to come to your house all right i know i'm not a pushy person no but i mean you know like it was always like you're coming into hollywood shooting pool with me there. It was nice to get that off my chest just to finally admit it that even that day we were shooting and those dogs were just walking around just solid muscle and teeth. Fucking jaws of death.

They're sweeties. I believe that. But there's always that one time. Yep. I know what you mean. Well, wait till you meet Johnny Cash. Johnny Cash is my mastiff. He's a sweetheart.

Oh, he's outside? Yeah, he's a nice dog. He's way bigger than the pit bulls, though. Maybe I'll meet him another time. He's fucking huge. That's a big dog. I'll meet him another time. He's so strong, it's ridiculous.

Like, I've never had a dog that's as strong as him. It's a dog where you, like, if he lunges for something, I got to drop down and dig in with both my feet and hang on like it's a horse. See, here's the problem. He's going to know I'm afraid of him no he's a sweetheart no I mean he knows they sense it yeah but yeah trust me he's a nice dog gonna go right for my thing about Mastiff's is they're very confident because they're not worried about you at all Mastiff's are never worried about a person beating their ass they're just he had Mastiff's yeah they they're because they're so confident

they're so big and so strong, they're very nice. They're not insecure. There's certain dogs that feel like they have to establish dominance over a person or scare a person. Mastiffs, they're not like that. If they're barking at you, it's real. If a mastiff is angry at you and barking, you better realize you've got a fucking real problem. Because a dog that's that big, you're talking about a 150 to 200 pound dog. Do you know how strong that fucking thing is?

And you let those dogs in with the kids? Of course. Yeah. They play with the kids. Well, then I'm sure. You have to have them around kids. If you can't trust a dog around kids, you can't have that dog.

No. My dogs exhibit no aggression at all. You have two masters? No, the other one's a bulldog mix. He's a very lazy dog but he's a sweetheart too they're both real nice dogs man joe do you know anything about the honda crz is that that a hybrid thing the hybrid i saw one the other day and it was amazing it looked like a spaceship have you seen what they're doing now in a car they're putting stitcher in a gang of cars

yeah yeah it's gonna be in bmws it's just yeah bmws it's ford it's it's all the big guys and now they also have 3gs on here and like like i said the other day this new ipad has the 4g light on it verizon yeah it's faster than my business clash uh charter at my studio that's incredible i've got 4g uh a car that i put in my laptop i'm pretty happy with it when you actually get a 4g connection yeah on the road it's a little sketchy, though. But it's always better than the shit that's in the hotel rooms. Fuck yeah.

Have you seen, well, first of all, let's talk about that fucking virus that we both thought we got. Yeah, so. If you don't know, it's the flashback virus. If you're using a Mac and you think that you can't get a Trojan, it's not really a virus.

It's a Trojan. It's an exploit through Java. And I guess it only works if you don't have your java uh updated to the latest and greatest yeah if you if you're one of those people that keep your shit updated you you're really not going to have to worry about it also that though i wouldn't say that also it's also it's it's only if you go to some really sketchy websites the more i read about it and also there's a way to test it to see if you have it and i tested mine and i go to the filthiest fucking places in the world and i didn't have it i mean i did look at

torrent websites what do you have to do you open up terminal and you have to cut and paste a couple different lines of code in it the easiest way to to actually figure it out if you go to 925.com or mac925.com what is that website that website, right? Mac9to5. Anyways, if you just Google Mac virus, it will come up with a couple pages, and there's links to the code that you cut and paste into your browser. Okay. And it's 9to5mac.com is the one that I saw it on, and it's pretty much you just type in these codes,

and it tells you what to look for and what not to look for to tell you if you have it. But honestly, the only thing you really have to do is just open up your little Apple in the left-hand corner, hit it, and then go to System Update, and there's a Java update in that that will patch it. And if it's not in there already, I mean, check to make sure you have it, then you must have already done it. Some people say you shouldn't have Java on your browser. You shouldn't enable

Java. You have to, though. The problem is, yeah, when you go to any kind of, when you first get your laptop and you first get your Mac, that's one of the first things that comes up. It's like, would you like to install Java? It's not a part of the operating system. It's not a part of Windows. It's a

third-party thing that you add to your browsers, pretty much. It's a plug-in that you add to your browsers you know pretty much so it's a plug-in like i just had it turned off on this laptop over here and i tried to go to that honda website and it didn't work the honda website didn't work because i didn't have a job enabled so i enabled it now it works i checked though this laptop and this mac or this imac uh you updated it last night so it's everything's cool and it's if you're looking at if you go to nine to five uh mac.com and you look at the map that that like who's infected you know there is a lot of people infected but this is we're talking about world worldwide well didn't old world

didn't don barris say that he had um someone don barris yeah don barris had a meltdown last night on the stage because uh he had his Facebook hacked and his Gmail hacked. So then he went in there and changed all the shit, and then they hacked it again. And he pretty much on stage was like, you know what? I give up. I'm not doing any more podcasts anymore. I'm done with this ding-dong shit. It really freaked him out that people are—

Why is it that easy to freak him out? Dom, you got a Xanax for him well it's it's the point that I mean like we were talking about this the other day if a next if a girlfriend finds

your cell phone and looks through your cell phone that's scary sometimes like you don't know what you fucking say to your friends or like you know like dude

dude you see that chick's tits come over and suck my cock yeah just kidding lol yeah maybe not lol it's like if I ever if I ever die my parents find You just do the chick's tits. Come over and suck my cock. Yeah. Just kidding. LOL. Yeah. Maybe not. Yeah.

LOL. It's like if I ever die and my parents find my fucking laptop and they have to go through it and sort things, that's the most scariest shit ever. My mom's going to be like, what's wrong with Brian? And then I can't be like, mom, no, I downloaded those for Photoshop so I could put Joe's face on it and put it on his message board. You know what I mean? Like it's joke pictures. I'm not really into black dicks yeah exactly i think of that when i'm jerking off on the couch and there's porns left out if i died right like who would walk in and see what you know how perverted

they are yeah exactly and so so now imagine imagine the whole internet being able to do that to your computer not your mom not your fucking girlfriend looking at your phone now imagine the whole internet being able to access your computer that's fucking terrifying don't you think it's terrifying yeah it's terrifying it's gonna happen i really think that you know what we talked about uh with everlast the other day we're like secrets are on the way out it's at a certain point in time everything you do online someone's gonna be able to read it oh yeah someone's gonna be able to listen to your phone calls they're gonna be able to read it. Someone's going to be able to listen to your phone calls. They're going to be able to access. That's what I said last night.

I was like, Joe, you know there's at least seven people in New Zealand right now listening to this phone call that are ahead of us in technology. It's probably boring. Look at Tiger Woods, a great example. When I was a kid, baseball players, they all cheated on their wives. But even the sports writers knew it. They didn't rat them out. But today's world, Tiger know, they trace down everything.

Yeah. You know, and he wouldn't even been in trouble 25 years ago. Well, look at what Michael Jordan probably did is, you know, double that. I mean, Michael Jordan in his prime. Oh, he did, yeah. Goddamn tornadoes. I'm sure he did. Sweeping white women through the air like semis.

Did you see that video footage of Dallas? The fucking tornado hitting Dallas and semis were flying through the air. Oh, my God. you see that uh video footage of dallas the tornado hitting dallas and semis were flying through the air like paper dom 18 wheelers full 18 wheelers 30 40 50 feet in the air just spinning in circles it's crazy it's crazy it's it's really weird to watch man i would highly recommend though uh this is something that i'm personally going to start doing is to take your computer and empty it all out onto external hard drives, and then unplug those external hard drives from your computer and only use them when you need to.

Or make them... Jesus, that's a lot of work. Yeah, but, I mean, it only takes... Like, if people are hacking Macs and people are doing this shit, nowadays with, like, WikiLeaks and all this fucking crazy shit, if you really want to fucking protect yourself... WikiLeaks? What are you, the government well i mean i think hackers are way above what we know that they are you know i think people are downloading fucking large amounts of information about anyone i think

there's fucking message boards that people probably go all right who should we look at their computer today oh let's go to see steven seagal's Well, have you seen this new thing on the cover of Wired, this month's Wired, about the NSA building, like, the most incredible security spying computer system ever, where they're going to be able to literally keep a data record of every phone call you make, every text you send, every phone call that gets in and out. Sounds like a sting song.

Yes. I mean, could you just stop and imagine that the the ability to record every single phone call that gets made throughout the entire country all the time well doesn't like when we when the uh dell is it dell that there's this big computer somewhere that has all this information on it for years and then finally it gets thrown out. Like everything we did in the computer is stored somewhere. That's what I've heard. I have no backup. I was hoping you guys would agree with me. New cars, Brian? You're getting so bored with this podcast.

No, no, no. I'm not saying it's long. I'm doing Cleveland this week. I'm kidding. I'm not saying it's long. I'm doing Cleveland this week. Oh, this week. No, I'm kidding. It's next week. I think they're cheap, too. I'm not saying it's long. I get it. That was a joke.

Yeah. Dumb. Joe. Come on. Love you. Love you, buddy. Right back at you, big boy. This guy's fucking buying cars online over here.

Look at him. I'm going to price it. Just while the podcast is going on. No, I just wanted to know how much. I saw it today, and it really was cool. Impulsive little child. Can't stay off a website. Trying to keep this goddamn podcast together.

This guy's on Xanax. You're on marijuana. I'm on marijuana. And coconut water. It is delicious, by the way. It is, right? Isn't it? Is this one of your sponsors?

No, not really. They're our friends, though. C2O is the best. The reason why C2O coconut water is so delicious is because it comes from Thailand. And they have a very specific, like it's a small boutique company, very specific type of coconut. It's a small tree too, apparently. Joe, can you go over your sponsors with me one more time?

Yes, I can. But before that, I will tell you, Atlanta 420, the Tabernacle. I'm recording my fucking special, bitches. First show sold out. Is it really? Yeah. Second show almost sold out. Cool. Good? Yeah, second show, almost sold out. Cool.

Good luck with that. Well, there's a couple hundred seats. I'm not going to lie to you. There's a couple hundred seats left. But it's a huge place. But there's plenty of tickets. Go get them. Jump on it.

Go see Joe. He's terrific live. It's the best shit I've ever done. You know how good I am with numbers? It's amazing. Like, for instance, Cleveland Hilarities, their number. Right. In my head, 2167364242

You had it written down You motherfucker No I didn't I didn't I wasn't looking I was depressed I'm looking at your paper You lied to me you bastard

Son of a bitch He's as smart as a whip You can sneak a plug in Dom What exact days are you there? Next Wednesday The 12th Meanwhile he gave out The phone number

Where's the goddamn website? This is 2012 Tell them my website What is goddamn website? This is 2012. Tell them my website. What is their website? Oh, Hilarities? I don't know. But I know mine, dommerer.com.

Dommerer. I-R-E-R-R-A. I-R-R-E-R-A. R-R-E-R-R-A. Woof! Woof! And I'll be with Joey Diaz May 17th in Columbus, Ohio. May 18th in Cleveland.

I read that in the trade show. May 19th in Pittsburgh. If you go to deskworld.tv. I-R-R-E-R-R-A. There's two R's in the beginning. No, two in in Columbus, Ohio. May 18th in Cleveland. I read that in the trades today. May 19th in Pittsburgh. If you go to deskworld.tv. I-R-R-E-R-R-A. There's two R's in the beginning. No, two in the beginning, yeah. I-R-R-E-R-A. I-R-R-E-R-A.

R-R-E-R-A. That's it. Next week, Florida. Improv. April, what is it, 13th? Which one, Joe? Fort Lauderdale. Oh, I love that club.

Yeah, it's great. I'll be there in September. I'm tightening up for this Tabernacle show, which is the following week. So I'm two weeks out. So next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I'll be in Fort Lauderdale with Duncan Trussell. And that's the power push up until the final week. And that would be the week of the 20th april 20th atlanta at the tabernacle i'm gonna film it edit it release it all online myself oh man got a whole

new website coming i'm i'm i'm ready to rock and roll with this thing i'm very excited it's the best shit i've ever done too and i could have done a special about a year ago so this is i think is my best stuff ever because it's real tight. And it's been more than two years since my last one. So I'm coming out guns, blazes, bitches. So check us in the Fort Lauderdale Improv. That's next week, the 13th, 14th, and 15th, me and Duncan Trussell. And then the week after that, the Tabernacle in Atlanta. JoeRogan.net for more details.

Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast. Please go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for The Fleshlight. Enter in the code name Rogan, and you can get 15% off the number one sex tour for men. Brian, podcast, Friday. Yes, Ice House. We've got Doug Benson, Freddie Lockhart, Jason Tebow. Do you have a show? Joey Diaz.

A show at the Ice House. A show at the Ice House with Doug Benson Joe Diaz Jason Tebow me Joey Diaz Joey Diaz I said that didn't I Jason Tebow

did I say Joey Diaz Doug Benson Doug Benson I might have said it look it's going to be a hell of a god damn show and it sells out quick because it's only 85 seats

Aiko Tanaka is awesome oh are you doing the other room when are we going to do that other room again that was fun the main room we'll try to do that again that's hard to get though yeah that was good we gotta get that shit we're booking in

advance what's hard to get uh last minute main room at ice house yeah they booked that shit in advance ice room you do the ice house right yeah once in a while great club i love that club we do uh the podcast there often yeah on a regular basis you were there dom i wasn't i'd like to stop in when you're there, man. Come on down, sir. Are you there Friday? What are you doing this Friday? Friday, I...

No, I already got two spots Friday. What time? Laugh Factory and the store. What time are your spots? 10 and 11 something. Oh, wow.

Throwing you up late. Well, no. I put in for late so I could watch the game. Sleep in? Yeah, sleep in till nine. All right, so that's it. My cousin John Wagner, they're doing a scholarship thing for him in Philly on the 21st of April.

So look on my Twitter and I'll post it. Your tweeter? Twitter. Twitter. I-R-R-E-R-A. I'm so fucking retarded. Don, my rare relationship. Thanks to Onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T.

Go check out Alpha Brain, New Mood, Trum Tech Sport, Trum Tech Immune, and go get yourself some money off by using the code name Rogan. You'll save yourself 10% off all orders. All right, you dirty freaks. We'll see you tomorrow with Jim Jeffries. I love Jim Jeffries. Yeah, me too. We'll be starting around 5 p.m. Pacific Coast time

because Jim has a show out this away. He's going to be at the Canyon Club tomorrow night. If you don't know and you live in Agoura Hills, go check out one of the top stand-ups in the country right now, Jim Jeffery's, the Australian lad, and he's going to be here tomorrow. He'll tell you all about it. So don't miss tomorrow.

We love you, and we'll see you soon about it. So don't miss tomorrow. We love you. And we'll see you soon. Bye-bye now. Thank you, Joe. Thank you, Dom.