The Joe Rogan Experience - #205 - Neal Brennan

Episode Date: April 12, 2012

Joe sits down with Neal Brennan.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Powerful. Nick Diaz representing. I'm going to go watch Nick Diaz compete in a grappling match, Brian. You want to come and film it? It's like May 12th in Long Beach. Nick Diaz is going to fight Braulio Estima,

this world champion Brazilian jiu-jitsu black belt. They're going to have a grappling-only match. Weird. Yeah, it'll be dope. Hey, what is powerful? Powerful. You've texted me powerful. Powerful.

Powerful Neil Brennan. It's just sort of a catch-all silly ass. Well, I say powerful Neil Brennan, as I'm letting you know, you're powerful. I'm giving you energy. I'm firing you up. Thank you. You know? I'm happy to be around you. Yeah'm firing you up thank you you know I'm happy to be around you yeah when you say that to someone you're happy to be around them powerful Neil Brennan right powerful Brian Redbeck I don't use it at that

much I've used the shit out of that yeah I forget about text form yeah you powerful me on the yeah man spread out that positivity that's what it is it sounds corny to say spread out that positivity. That's what it is. It sounds corny to say spread out that positivity. I thought it was just sort of sarcastic. No, it's being silly. It's fun. Powerful fun. Powerful is like it's like

it's like positive fun. You know? Like whoever name a guy. Name a guy. Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Powerful Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Where you been, kid? Give him one more. Give him one more. One more name. Don't hate on Jonathan Taylor. J man he's the bomb what happens to guys like that they did to go and do Lifetime movies now you know I think I think he's one of those guys that I think I could be completely wrong that he did the school thing where he's like you know what I'm going to school I'm doing that's

the thing to do don't rely on I there was it remember I think the kid from Jerry Maguire got into like a DUI oh yeah I had my podcast it recently did the thing to do don't rely on i there was a remember i think the kid from jerry mcguire got into like a dui oh yeah i had a podcast recently did you really yeah he got a dui and i remember in like an accident and i remember he was driving a saturn and i was like come on show business wow couldn't do better than give that fucking kid a saturn he was he grew up really good like he his parents and him are really close and stuff like that. Now he does jiu-jitsu. He's been doing jiu-jitsu since he was a kid.

Which kid is this again? Jonathan, I want to say Lipnicki. Is that who that is? Yeah. That's Heffron's buddy. Yeah, we had him on. He strangles Heffron. They do jiu-jitsu together and he kicks his ass.

Apparently he's good. He's a real cool guy. Real nice guy. Really well brought up listen some guys get through it we had ricky schroeder on here remember how nice he was yeah he's really he's almost like evangelical he's almost like born again um he was for a little bit but he's he's kind of mellowed off that now um they were like pretty hardcore well it's his business whatever but he's uh he's a super nice guy you know yeah he's just you know and somehow or another he made it through you know he made it through as a fucking he said he had a super nice guy Yeah He's just And somehow or another

He made it through You know He made it through As a fucking He said He had a weird way Of describing it When he was on the podcast

He said He has never not been famous He goes It's all I've ever known Yeah He goes It's weird and everything But it's all I've ever known

Right Because I've had Some ups and downs And trying to Figure out how to deal with it But that's his whole life Yeah I guess so

Fuck That's nuts That was a really Fascinating conversation Do you Being famous trying to figure out how to deal with it. But that's his whole life. Yeah, I guess so. Fuck, that's nuts. That was a really fascinating conversation. Do you, being famous, do you compare it to not being famous very much anymore? Meaning, like, do you go, like, do you once a day go, fuck, I wish I could just, I wish it were 1990. I wish I had the identity of 1990. No, you know how I look at it? It's just a bunch of people being nice, for the most part.

It's like, what are you putting out there? I have opinions about things, and I joke around about things. Like, the last bad energy that I got was when I was making fun of some dude in the Country Music Awards. But homeboy was standing in front of a jet playing a country music song with jeans that had, like, cut rips on them, like, on purpose, like, all over them. And I was like, come on, that's fucking ridiculous.

You were shitting on them on Twitter? I couldn't stop goofing on them. Yeah, and goofing on those jeans. And then I was even admitting that I wear a fanny pack and I have a wallet chain and I'm still goofing on that. Like that's how stupid those fucking jeans were. Like one day we're going to look back at those jeans. This is country music, man.

Country music is supposed to be Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash. That's like real country music. This is like, that's not real country. You're standing in front of a jet. The fuck are you doing in front of a jet? What are you doing? Like in a hangar? Like he's playing overseas. Like, I'm here for, this is like

overseas with the boys. I'm getting in front of the jet. I support troops. Oh, he's playing in front of like an F-15 or something? Yeah, exactly. And it's like what what are you doing there i don't know if the whole show was in front of a jet they might have done the whole country music awards in front of a jet which would have been awesome yeah i don't know if the sets changed you know i really have no idea i only watched it for a little bit but it was i made a joke that country music awards hates black people so much they won't even use black microphones because it was a red microphone. I was like, when was the last time you saw a red microphone?

Well, yeah, that is funny because I will shit on stuff online. And I'm like, well, am I at a certain point? Like we're comics, but then at a certain point it's like, when do you go? I don't want to make fun of that. Or I don't know. It's hard, man, because I always want to say what's funny and what I would say amongst my friends who wouldn't judge me. Like, we could all be talking.

Like, perfect example, Amy Schumer. When Amy Schumer was on yesterday and we were talking to her, we were joking around about her mother possibly being a cunt. And I'm like, how often do you, you know, you can just always go there when you're with a bunch of comics and you're all just sitting around shitting on each other. You could always go to some terrible place.

And we don't really think you mean it. We're not going to call you one. We know you're just trying to be funny by saying something fucked up. Well, that's, yeah, that's like with the... We talked about the N-word last time, but I was thinking about how comics... I was thinking today how

my brother kevin comedian kevin brennan and a tell when i was like in high school had a joke where if they would like be on the phone and they go like hey what's the weather like and it'd be like it's raining and they'd be like fucking diggers like somehow the black some of my people my people control the weather which is so stupid and hilarious right hilarious because they didn't mean it no of course you don't mean it and also the idea you're making fun of the idea that but most people just don't that's how i get ironed so they just don't get ironed but they won't they're not able to look at life with layers right and they can't see that at the bottom of it it's supposed to be about intent you know and this is this is not just about white guys that are throwing

yeah yeah no it's just like or like you'll just go like what a cunt yeah you gotta know when someone is joking when it's obvious there's i mean there's certain people some people will say things in a crowd and like you'll be the only one that laughs. And there'll be eight or nine people that are really pissed off. Yeah. Come on. The guy, he's right. He said something silly.

Like Gilbert with the Geico ads and all Gilbert's jokes about the tsunami were fucking hilarious. They were hilarious. As he was falling, I was watching them in real time going, boy, these are fucking funny jokes. And then he got in trouble. Oh, well, he went too quick. He went too quick. No, I know, but that's the level. You can't even say too quick.

You couldn't even do that now. You can't do tsunami jokes now. But you couldn't do it now because people don't remember it. Did you hear about the Florida Marlins guy who got suspended for five days? I'm so mad about that. It's so ridiculous. Because I actually tweeted yesterday like, shouldn't he be protected by the First Amendment? Tell people the story.

All right, the story was he said that he gave a – first of all, everything he says is fucking batshit crazy. He's got one of the funniest Twitter feeds ever. What is his Twitter? Ozzie Guillen. How do you spell that? O-Z-Z-I-E-G-u-i-l-l-e-n but go back like two months because he just go like hey just some gl what g-u-i-l-l-e-n uh anyway he said something in an interview where and he's great because he just won't

apologize for shit so he said something in an interview in Time Magazine in Espanol that he admired Castro. Now, what he was saying was he admired him because the guy, I admire Castro in certain respect. The fact that Castro has outlasted this many people as a comic, I'm like, that's fucking hilarious. Like, the entire world is against this guy and he's like no you can send me exploding cigars nope you can fucking i mean he's a he's a he's tyrannical he's a dickhead it's uh but the fact that i respect his endurance a guy that can last 60 years yeah like and well he even he i mean he even said he's a bad motherfucker oh yeah no that's the words he used he said he's a bad motherfucker i think you know he's just a lot

joey diaz will say the same shit and joey diaz was born in cuba he'll tell you it looks like castro's a bad motherfucker he's still running shit down there yeah that's how yeah it's like when bill maher said you that the So anyway, he got suspended five games, the coach of a baseball team, for saying that Castro was great or something. Was a bad motherfucker. Because he was saying that he's been in power for so many years and people have tried to remove him. He's a bad motherfucker.

Yeah. That's all he said. He didn't say he's doing wonderful things and he's misunderstood. He's a humanitarian. And I agree with his political strategy. No. He just said he's a bad motherfucker.

Yeah. You're telling me that a guy who's in professional sports can't call a guy who's a dictator for how long has he been a dictator? 60 years? Yeah. You can't call that guy a bad motherfucker? Well, that's the thing. Can't you call Genghis Khan a bad motherfucker?

You can, right? Yeah. That wouldn't be a problem at all. You know why? Genghis Khan is dead. Right. Genghis Khan was alive. And none of his victims are alive.

Exactly. Exactly. And also, there's not a huge Chinese contingent of Marlin fans. That's the biggest problem. That's the biggest problem, is that most of the fans of the Marlins are Cuban expats. Or not most, but a lot of the, like, self-proclaimed. And they would agree with him. What he said wasn't out of line.

He wasn't in support of Castro. He was acknowledging that this guy, you know, look at, when when people talk about al capone they don't speak in glowing terms right but they go to you know the al capone stories of chicago are pretty legendary yeah al capone was a bad motherfucker yeah he's obviously an evil person you know happy he's dead all that good stuff well yeah that's the thing it's like people like michael corleone yeah what the fuck like yeah they like story they like theoretically soprano is great. Yeah. But they don't like Darth Vader. That I think is interesting is

how far... Darth Vader, he even killed Ewoks, but people think he's a bad motherfucker. Oh yeah. King Kong stepped on people. He's a charming, he's an anti-hero. Fucking, you want him to be the greatest anti-hero of all time? Hannibal Lecter. Fucking eight people. Right. The end of fucking having an old friend at dinner, and you're I fucking having an old friend at dinner, and you're

I'm having an old friend for dinner, and you're like, you fucking right you're gonna have an old friend for dinner. That is my motherfucker right there. Yeah, if he's the original Spider-Man. That fucking awful... But the question is how... So that speech is not protected. Because I actually

tweeted, like, is he not protected by the First Amendment? And they were like, no, it only protects you from. Because I said, if you criticize Castro in Cuba, you get punished. And if you compliment him in America, you get punished. Which is like, so that's freedom, kind of. And people were saying, well, it's his First Amendment right. It's protected. The government, he can't get arrested for it.

But if you sign a contract your company can say whatever they want but it's odd because like but if you got trans transgender surgery they couldn't fire you or suspend you or you know what i mean like there's shit that you can do that's protected uh you if you say transgender whatever if you did something uh crazy i think there's like certain things are legal the certain things are protected uh if you went to like a um like if you mark when you if someone marched for against uh fucking getting getting or marched or like occupy wall street right for instance they could get fired i guess by this logic it's like if you say i like castro yeah and then if you say i want to occupy wall street you could get fired and there's nothing you can do about it which is just kind of

feels odd well he didn't get fired he got suspended sorry yeah but without pay i'm assuming yeah i think the idea is that he obviously has an enormous voice as opposed to a regular guy with a regular job, and that what he's saying is influential, and that they can't show support of it because it's, you know, it's... Right, but what's the difference between that and LeBron and those guys putting their hood up and releasing that picture? I think there's a big difference.

But what is it because i don't know what the difference is i mean one is in resistance to what they think is an injustice that was committed by a guy who's a bit sketchy right and you know and they want to make sure that someone's brought to justice and the other one is a guy expressing his you know his yeah that guy's kind of that guy's pretty wild but i admire one i don't understand that connection i admire one aspect of that guy's personality is what they're saying they're saying i he uh is what is what just giving him his props i don't even think they're admiring no i'm saying gian is saying i'm giving i admire like i admire the part of him that was has has lasted this long

yeah that's the bad motherfucker part yeah he's a fact that he's a pimp he's a he's a don he's whatever managed to stay in control as a dictator so long you know it's it's amazing how long when you hear about like a kim il young that whatever his name was kim jong il the guy who died yeah and you think about how long that guy and what kind of damage that guy and his fucking regime has done to that poor country. You're like, wow, it's amazing what someone can do. That actually can, you know, you watch Game of Thrones? You ever watch that?

I haven't watched it. When you think about the idea of kings, you know, it's amazing that someone still to this day can rock it king style. But there are guys, like Castro's rocking it king style you can call him whatever you want that's the goddamn king of cuba you know you look at kim john ale that's the goddamn king of north korea i don't care what you want to call him president el wonderful el greatness you know what the honorable whatever you want to call him okay i guess my question to the lebron it's an alpha male right i i that, but I'm saying at what point would LeBron and the Heat get, where does it cross the line to like, we can suspend you?

Why would that ever make them be able to be suspended ever? What if they said, I respect Castro? They didn't even say anything. No, but I'm saying how far, at what point does it become objectionable if you say you like a dictator? Hitler, of course, is the obvious. Everybody, that's the, when you like a dictator or you stand in support of a kid that was wearing his hood. I'm not making a false equivalency. I'm just wondering where does one become objectionable?

If he had said, I kind of like Castro. I think there's so many people that are in support of the Trayvon Martin. What's his name? Trayvon Martin, yeah. Yeah, Trayvon Martin and this George Zimmerman character

that they just arrested today. There's so many people in support of an investigation into that arrested today there's so many people in support of an investigation into that and there's so many people that felt like injustice had occurred and that that kid had gotten killed and it could have all been avoided there were so many people that would it's like it becomes the court of public opinion right but that's the thing it's almost the court of public opinion is like if we almost live in like a snitchocracy where it's like ha like we're the guy released

a keno video and then we're like literally you could almost feel people's pleasure when that guy was jerking off on the sidewalk yes we're like fucking we got and we got another one we fucking we fucked you up so badly with just scrutiny i feel like the light has never been the hotter right like the cultural spotlight of like. Yes. And it becomes low hanging fruit to make fun of this guy, the Coney guy. Right. Of like, fucking, you didn't have your fucking back straight.

And Coney, you should have done this four years ago. Okay. Yes. But if you even have it in you somewhere that you might get to a point where you're running around naked, jerking off in the street, acting gay as fuck. I'd like to see that, please. Okay? And I'm happy when some pressure cooker situation outs some fucking crazy bitch.

Because that's what that guy is. Because you can do that to me all day long. Unless you're dosing me up. I'm not running through the streets jerking off naked. That's never come up. There's never been a day where that's even been a concern. That guy's crazy as fuck. Do you think it's like cultural vetting?

That is. Most certainly. He failed. He failed life's intelligence test, 100%. He failed in several factors. He failed, first of all, by making this whole campaign, which was not quite informed or wasn't quite accurate with the facts of where this guy was at the time and what had been done and what's being done right now. And then on top of it, there was a huge amount of money that wasn't going to the actual cause. 75% was.

Some insane amount of money. And then there was the other dude who was his partner who was joking around about it. And they caught him on video joking around. There was so many things about it where it just screamed like a brilliant plan right but it also acted a brilliant plan to disguise a money-making venue a venture rather inside some sort of a charitable organization that's what everybody got upset about right i but i feel like there was that was if there if it's a football field i'm on the 40 yard line of thinking it was basically good do you know what i mean like i thought it was more good

than bad i think it certainly generated money that wouldn't have been generated without it right and awareness yeah towards that cause well you know it goes to where do you think it should be should it be a regulation thing or should it be just a court of public opinion? It's like, I don't want to compare these two, because they're two very different things. But in a sense, it's the same. Louis C.K. released a comedy special online for $5. Now, that means that no one can release a comedy special for $20. You can't do it online.

Because Louis C.K., who is widely recognized as one of the very best, if not the best stand-up working today, he said five bucks for his shit. So that means it's five bucks for your shit. And that's how – I think that's a good way to establish it. I think that's a good way. This is your way of saying that you're going to start charging for the Joe Rogan podcast. No, I'm saying the court of public opinion with this guy looked at it and said okay we think it's a good cause to shine the light on someone who definitely did some terrible shit so there's a lot of good in what you did but why are you making so much money off that that's what the court of public

opinion is right about this guy and that's where the scrutiny cracked them and that's when he ran out naked i would venture i would venture that no one really gave a fuck about the kids to begin with it was like a nice story you just go yeah but meanwhile there's homeless fucking kids outside my window and i'm like hey look at you should move they were invisible kids anyway yeah i don't i think no one really cared i don't think anyone really cared about the the plight of the kids because there's plenty yeah i think it's like a story that you go hey did you hear this story and then you get in you get engaged so you think and i so i think that people never really cared and then i also think people never really cared that he was making money i

think i think there was a fringe of people that truly care about kids rights and african issues and shit like that and there's a sliver of people that care about transparency in fundraising operations. And then everybody else is just like, where are we going now? Fuck them. Fuck this guy. Fuck it. I honestly think that this is what happens.

People care, but they have their own life to deal with. And that's where it really comes in. There's a lot of people that, yeah, I care about Africa. Of course I do. When I look at this idea that you see these children living in fucking dirt huts and there's no water and it's 2012. Most of the world is in awful shit. It's terrible.

A third of the world, straight up. Anthony Bourdain did some show on Mozambique, and he was traveling through Mozambique, and I'm watching the show. I'm like, this is crazy, man. They have no running water. They have no electricity. They have no nothing. They have like these grass shacks.

You know, I mean, they're essentially living not much differently than people live thousands and thousands and thousands of years ago. And they're getting by. I mean, they're having kids and they're getting enough food to eat and they're keeping the whole process going. But you're like, wow, that's amazing that in 2012 that's going.

I do care. But then you also have your own fucking life. Oh, you care. But it's like, what can I do? It's such a massive problem. I feel like every, I'm sorry. I feel like everybody, I play footsies with Brian. I feel like everyone has something that they're compelled to do in this life.

And I think that some people are compelled to charity. And I think those people should do charity. You know, I don't think it's a selfish thing to pursue your own goals entirely. And to only try to be around and experience the things that you're actually enjoying in this life. I think there's people that are not compelled to do that, and they should be allowed to do that. They should be allowed to pursue charities. Oh, absolutely.

I think you should donate money, and I do. But I can't get involved to the point where it eats my life up because I think it would. It would easily. I could easily get my life eaten up by trying to help kids. If you helped a bunch of kids and you saw them get over something, certain illnesses, famine, whatever, if you actually were there and experienced it with them

and then became friends with them and had some sort of relationship with those kids, Jesus Christ, it would completely consume your life. You'd be like, I've got to help Africa. Well, that's what the Jason, what's his name, that's what apparently the deal was yeah if you loved them if they became like your little brothers and sisters is like that with sudan of course of course i mean i the real issue is we need to get our own fucking politicians to do that

what about what do you make of the pressure cooker though what do you make of the thing like until like when zimmerman was gone i thought oh he's gonna kill himself yeah i'm surprised jerry sandusky hasn't killed himself jerry sandusky's a horrible person oh he's a complete scumbag there aren't so i'm these are bad examples i think the i think people that just get torn like celebrities that get tmz to the point where they just attack camera people well there's certain things you see them like you just they just can't take it anymore like yeah and i don't consider it vetting. I just consider it it's like the cultural metabolism is so out of control.

Yeah, I think there's certainly that. I think people are also so angry. They're looking for an enemy. People are so angry at the economy. There's something like 40% of all kids that live between 18 and I think 34, they're living with their parents children in their 30s yeah they're living with their parents 40 percent yeah that's like that's that's it seems like heaven brian's like let me nap and make me cereal mama you made my house i just want to clean my house take my dog for walks silly you live in America you lucky bitch yeah

Mozambique go watch it watch it you won't be such a whiny bitch you're like well you're lucky high speed internet you're lucky

because you got that shit like that dust as a grown adult dusting and cleaning the toilet it's such it's so Mozambique dude watch the episode

it'll be good for you Mozambique watch the Anthony Bourdain show that we were just talking about the one the guy that wears the thumb ring he used to he tweeted about it i tweeted him and uh bourdain i said that he was the only guy that i've ever met with a thumb ring that i didn't want to strangle but he said i got rid of that shit a long time ago and he wrote a age limit

for that shit in the hashtag what yeah but doesn't he also have one of those like tribal things around his belly button or was that somebody else no he doesn't have a thing around his he might he's got a scene who is that no he's got a snake him and his wife have a snake on their arm it might be him yeah tribal right there's something about doing a tattoo around your belly button that makes me go and have like one of those dangly uh piercings see like little dangling ones and dangly one has anybody has any guy ever pulled that off no but it'd be awesome okay here's what here's my question please the the question is guy like ozzy gian i think it's bad that he gets fined i think he i think it's ultimately bad for the country i just wish people could it's people are not corporate fucking spokespeople.

Do you know what I mean? And that's the thing is everyone's become that. We talked about the Tracy thing last time, and everyone's just in a constant state of – anytime you tweet something, there's like, how the fuck can you say that? Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like – Yeah, well, we were –

And you strike me as the kind of guy that's never going to apologize for anything you say, I don't think. Well, you know, I'll let people know what my intentions are. I'm not going to apologize. But if I, like, I, you know, I wasn't going to apologize to the people that were mad that I said the guy was a silly bitch for wearing ripped jeans. Right. Fake ripped jeans. That's some silly bitch shit. That's just what it is.

What were they, and what was their case? They're mad at me. For's some silly bitch shit. That's just what it is. What were they, and what was their case? They're mad at me. For what? You're jealous. Oh, you, I guess your career is in the toilet and you need to get

attention this way. There's a lot of that. There's a lot of they want to point out how your career is in the shit or which is most. I guess someone needs,

meanwhile, I got more Twitter friends than him. Bitch. How about that? Bitch. Just call Joe fat. That works the best.

Yeah, fat is a good one. We were at the comedy store one night. Some chick was on camera. We caught it on camera. Some chick wouldn't stop calling me fat. What are you talking about? Six pack. He pulls up his shirt.

That hurts, though, because you think about it. Chappelle used to call me fat boy. Jokingly. That's preposterous. No, I know. But it was next to him me fat boy jokingly. That's preposterous. No, I know, but it was... Next to him, I technically was, had fat. And it gets you

a little crazy. Fat is a big one for me. This was a girl that was trying to make me feel bad. I was like, this doesn't even make sense. You owned her so hard. It was like a scene in a movie, but it was a douchey movie. You were the villain? You're not supposed to pull out your six-pack. There's something about showing someone your abs always.

Did she stand down or no? She got rocked. Yeah, turned into Jell-O. What did she say? The kid's shredded. You're so fat! What did she say? Yeah, but do you want...

I just don't... I don't want people to turn into Not everyone's running for office Just put out good shit, man I agree Put out good energy But then if you want to make fun of a guy's pants Yeah, but I was saying That's the only bad thing that I ever get back

I get that Most of the time it's all positive You put out good shit And you get good shit back You put out good energy You get it back That's real. I just think it's like, you know,

Marr got fired for, I mean, he got fired 10 years ago, but Bill Marr. Bill Marr? Oh, yeah. And even the Rush Limbaugh thing, like Rush Limbaugh is a piece of shit as far as I'm concerned,

so I just don't listen to him. And losing advertisers, I get. I guess it's just, I don't know. If you don't know the Rush Limbaugh story, there was a girl who was trying to get the government state whoever the fuck pays that insurance that she was getting who was who uh it was georgetown university okay she wanted them to pay for her birth control right and rush limbo as part of her health care as part of her health care and rush limbo had argued that

if our tax dollars were going to go to it then we should be able to watch you have sex argued that if our tax dollars were going to go to it, then we should be able to watch you have sex. Yeah, if you have so much sex, then we should be able to watch. That should be, basically, she's a prostitute. You're having sex for money. Doesn't he do bath salts? I mean, he's a big drug guy, right? He was doing mad oxys to the point where he went deaf.

Alex Jones described to me the process of Oxycontin overdose that actually makes guys go deaf. Because do you remember when Rush went deaf? No. I mean, I remember when he was big into Oxy. He went deaf. He went to the point where his show suffered because he couldn't hear what people were saying to him sometimes.

And he couldn't understand it. He couldn't hear his own voice. So it didn't sound right. It sounded off. And it went for a long time before he got an operation and then he got it fixed and they did something i think they gave him an inner ear plant i think he's got an implant god that helps just from here just yeah just from oxy oxy it's going deep son they said he was up to over 90 a day god damn it oh my goodness yeah could you oh my goodness 90 fucking pills a day homeboy was cranking the orphan i wish i had that housekeeper to get him and shit he was getting all

kinds of different doctors to hook him up you know what it it gets me it gets you now have you done shit like no no no no i'm sure it would get you though i i have no doubt in my mind that the oxycontins would get me i think they get everybody no doubt in my mind that Oxycontins would get me. I think they get everybody. I mean, I think I would be strong and I would get off them. But I definitely think that if I was hanging around with a bottle of them and a swollen foot, and I took one, and also I'm like, oh, this is awesome. And then you get hooked really quick.

Nobody has anything really bad to say about it other than the addiction. Experience? Yeah. I've heard someone say it made them really nauseous but that's what heroin does to a lot of people right so i'm really nauseous that's the only thing but they say it feels amazing just it's fucking i feel like i get hooked on coke yeah or speed i've never even tried coke or speed i've barely seen it i've maybe seen it a dozen times that's probably too many whoa i just remembered dude i had a crazy ass dream about you buddy whoa that's not real coke ladies and I've maybe seen it a dozen times. That's probably too many. Whoa, I just remembered, dude. Six times?

I had a crazy-ass dream about you, buddy. Whoa. That's not real coke, ladies and gentlemen. That's powdered sugar. We didn't have sugar for coffee, but I had powdered sugar, which doesn't really work. No, it didn't seem like it did anything. It never goes down. Yeah, it's funky.

I had a fucked-up dream about you, dude. Sweet. What is it? You were doing marijuana mixed with meth. And you were telling me that it's the latest thing that kids do. They smoke marijuana and meth together. I was like, what are you talking about?

And you were like, well, I would never smoke meth by itself. Mead, yeah. Yeah, you were like, I would never smoke meth by itself. But when I mix them together, dude, it's amazing. And I was trying to get you to stop smoking meth. Wow. You were hooked on meth. Would you say mead?

Mead, yeah. Is that what it would be called? Yeah. Did you just make smoking meth. Wow. You were hooked on meth. Would you say mead? Mead, yeah. Is that what it would be called? Yeah. Did you just make that up? No. Yeah, I did. Yeah, but that might actually be what it is. Could you imagine if I started something?

I don't think meth and weed, I think meth would completely overpower it. I would imagine. It wouldn't be funny, though, if somehow another marijuana became a white knight in your brain fighting off the meth consciousness? And you see a fucking virtual battle of the positive and negative substances duking it out in your head? Because if you take meth with mushrooms, how does that work?

I don't know. You know what's funny is I had an ex that was a meth addict before we dated. And she's all that stuff. She's like, my teeth were great she goes my skin never looked better wow like it wasn't bad she hadn't gotten that deep yet yeah it takes a while before your body turns into a fucking prune yeah it takes a while although some people doesn't some people just fucking they turn and it's like that'll do it she was she a functional meth head uh vague i didn't know her i think they not especially she here's here's an irony she uh

lived you know how you always hear about indians living off of casinos she lived off the casino wow she was native american seminal she lives off the hard rock in uh in the one that anna nicole died in holy shit the one in fort lauderdale. Did you ever play like cowboy and Indian with her? We would get in some pretty serious. I conquered her land. I actually moved into her place. Did you? So you did conquer her land.

Gave her a blanket with smallpox on it. Nice. No, we never. It was actually a good relationship. We were in love, Joe. What happened? She started going to black clubs. She started getting her master's in psychology.

She started getting her master's in psychology. And at the beginning of the class, the teacher was like, yo, just so you know, none of your relationships are going to last. Wow. And she said that. And she was like, somebody else broke up today somebody else broke up today and then slowly but surely it was like that's six months in we were kind of done because she was just uncovering stuff about herself and like i didn't you know she liked women she hates men like just stuff that was like oh she likes women and she hates me she wanted to date women oh shit by herself and by because I asked if we could do it together damn she wanted she well yeah she wanted to date women and she's like

I fucking hate men oh no it's done yes all of us for now but that's a mess anybody who says they hate women's a cunt if you're a guy and you're like i hate women i hate women well get the fuck away from me crazy bitch you what you hate everyone of a certain gender well guess what same thing if you hate men go fuck yourself you dumb bitch you think i asked to be born a man you know just relax you would have not everyone's you would have been asked for sure being a man's way better especially being a manly man yeah i mean to be a real joe roger type man you can't get mad at someone for their gender you silly asshole that's and it's accepted women women but she's not allowed

to say she had a case oh i've dude i've had conversations with women before that have said you know men this and men that and i'm like god damn can you give me a chance yeah i'm a person you know everyone's just a person just you throwing me into half the planet yeah it's just so ridiculous and to say that you've got it figured out yeah it's i if she didn't mean like she hates all men ever was she just you could live like i have deep-seated mistrust of men you could live in a thousand lives. In an intimate relationship. Meaning like I haven't had any positive. She hadn't had any positive male deep relationships. Well, you know, how fucking old was she?

How many people had she been around? She's 47 years young. No, she was, I don't know. Even if she was 47 years old. No, she's 26. She could have been stuck in some stupid spots. She was in a lot of bad spots. Therapy's pretty fucked up anyway. This girl, I did college same thing she was a fucking mess like alcoholic just crazy always getting in fights with her family and all these other people and then she went to the therapy therapist and every time she would come back she goes like

therapist tells me we need to break up that you're just a really bad person and i'm like what he's probably full of shit he probably tells a really distorted, but that's not using therapy the right way. Stupid asshole. Or you're a bad person. You could live a thousand lives as a man and still not understand what it would be to live a life of a woman. You don't understand it.

You're not a woman. And as soon as a guy understands that and accepts that, he'll be way happier. When you try to make a woman think like a man, that and accepts that he'll be way happier when you try to make a woman think like a man that shit is impossible the same as a man trying to think like a woman it's and i think both are guilty i actually think women are slightly more guilty of trying to get men to think like women yes well if they have pussy and there's more power yeah they can yeah they can just go like you need to you need to change the way that was if a guy does that, he's like a dick.

And whenever a guy is in a good relationship that I admire, the girl's friends hate him. Right. Because he's such a fucking asshole. He's happy. And he gets to do what he wants. And it's like, yeah, he has. I used to say to girls, you're making me feel like a guest in my own life. And that would get them, where they were like, I understand what you mean now. Because it was like, yo, I wasn't looking for a coach.

I wasn't looking for someone. I need someone to come in and fucking change my taste and change my interest and change my wardrobe and my diet. But they do, I think, some women like but that's but they do i think some women um try think that that's like a way to go well i think there's also a struggle for power that goes on with people in relationships everyone you know thinks they they should be the one that decides where we go and what to do and some people take that shit more serious than others and some people are just not very intelligent or emotionally developed and so they run they run on crude tracks and they just fucking bang into each other every

time they have a relationship these cars just slam into each other and they argue about shit and then they make up and that's how those stupid fucks live their life yeah i think there's a lot of that i think what percentage of people do you think are stupid it's a giant number because i'm in it i'm in it and you know i mean i i always look i had a whole bit that i used to do about how people like to think they're smart but really we're just buying shit from smart people and memorizing shit that smart people have already figured out this is gigantic body of knowledge and anybody thinks they're smart it's dumb as fuck well that's what i was i had this argument the other day about don't you want

to live forever to learn everything? I do. Who knows? You say that, but what if after this is way better? There is no after this. You don't know that. I don't. You're talking nonsense. I get a feeling.

You're talking complete nonsense. I get a sense. A sense based on what? There was nothing. It's going back to where I was, which is before 73. I don't think any of it ends. I think it changes. I think it all becomes something completely different, and energy never dies off.

It just moves on to another state. And I think that the whole cycle of the universe, we want to think of it as like there was a birth to the universe, and there's going to be an end to the universe. That's why they think of the Big Bang. Oh, there was at one point in time, it was smaller than the head of a pin, and there was a giant burst. I think it's never-ending, and I think that our ideas of it are all based on our own biological limitations. And I think the biological life is a trip.

I think it's an experience. I think the biological life doesn't necessarily represent what is possible in reality, and I think it's one stage of existence. And I think we probably had other stages of existence. I think our real true consciousness, it gets wrapped around language, and it gets wrapped around culture, and it gets wrapped around personal experiences and how they interpret them and how they remember shit that other people have figured out and written down. But at the end and the root of that, that could take place in 100,000 million different forms. It doesn't have to exist as a human animal making noise with your mouth.

That consciousness could exist in other dimensions. That consciousness, whatever the fuck it is that's at the underlying energy that makes the body move in certain directions and choose to manipulate objects, whatever the fuck that is at the root of all that could exist as a dolphin, could exist as a killer whale, could exist as some really smart octopus. Who the fuck knows? I think for sure what we are right now is an evolving species.

It's changing. It's becoming something different. Look, man, I hope you're right I hope because I am going to die I just hope there's an after point I think we're becoming something different and along the way I think

whatever the fuck it is that the human race is going to eventually evolve into I think we're on some sort of a crazy cycle that's what I think I think we're on some sort of an crazy cycle that's what i think i think we're on some sort of an infinite loop cycle and i think our limited interpretation of like people dropping off the face of the earth and disappearing and leaving our lives leads us to believe that this

is it this is this one thing and this is it you breathe and one day your heart will stop beating and then it ends maybe maybe not maybe you're a fucking caterpillar that's become gonna become a butterfly raindrop maybe you're some weird fucking animal that travels dimension to dimension in completely different forms we've seen that happen in physical state in life we've seen caterpillars and salamanders and all these fucking different things become a completely different thing. We've seen them physically metamorph and change. Why would we assume that consciousness couldn't do exactly the same thing? Why wouldn't we assume that reality can't do exactly the same thing? I think it's super possible that we're some crazy

technological caterpillar and that we're gonna one day press some like a fucking button i hope you're right and all of our experiences of life and death and love and and and infatuation and fascination and appreciation and all those different things are really just it's just more motivation for you to keep moving forward and forward and forward to push this technological machine that society runs on. The real underpinnings, what's really impacting the universe. It's not People Magazine and Kim Kardashian's ass,

but that is there to distract you long enough to keep buying the new droids. And the more technology we create and the more minerals we mine and the more minerals we mine and the more we push the boundaries of what we can do and control in the universe the more we get closer to whatever the fuck we're becoming completely locked into an addiction with our cell phones and our computers if i'm online if i'm like in a hotel and the the the internet goes out for an hour i fucking panic yeah it's i've hell. I started doing a joke the other day

about how my phone has completely turned me into a dick. I'm a fucking asshole. You mean as far as being rude in conversations? Just fucking like, fuck you, companion. I got everyone else in front of me, and I'd rather spend time with them.

I have enough girls girls pictures on my phone i was telling red band that i could publish two months of a magazine girls like send you pictures yeah yeah because they know you're single uh yeah girl i mean that's not just like out of nowhere it's like girls i'm chatting and it's over years but i'm saying like uh like if i i told somebody if i if my phone turned up in the 1800s in a town, the town elders would burn the town down because they'd be so freaked out by just the amount of filth on my phone. And that's the thing.

It's like you do get hooked. I wanted to bring up I went to the floatation. I went to float labs. Did you enjoy it? Yeah. Did you meet Crash? I did. Yeah, I met Crash.

Crash is an interesting individual, isn't he? Yeah. I went nine Did you enjoy it? Yeah. Meet Crash? I did. Yeah, I met Crash. Crash is an interesting individual, isn't he? Yeah. I went nine days ago. Yeah? Yeah, and it was pretty great. That's what made me, my epiphany, and I'm sure you don't get epiphanies every time, but my epiphany laying there was like, I need to experience some love, and I got to get a dog to do that.

Why do you say a dog? Because I find... Work your way up to a person? Literally, that's the plan. Wow. It's like, work my way up. How fucked up are you? Out of one to ten?

Ten being... Ten being, like, you're unfixable. Oh, I don't think I'm unfixable. I think I'm like a six and a half. Six and a half. Yeah. That'sixable. Oh, I don't think I'm unfixable. I think I'm like a 6 1⁄2, 7 1⁄2. Yeah, that's still strong. Oh, yeah. 7 1⁄2 is strong. Wow.

I'm going to start my love experiences with dogs. No, it sounds crazy, but I'm only 37. You can still pull it together. Yeah, it's not too late. You can still come from behind champs. Yeah, exactly. It's possible. I've been lapped by life, and I'm going to lap it.

Randy Couture didn't have his first fight until he was 34, so think about that. Do you want to borrow a Pekingese? No, but I feel like it could help. You can totally borrow mine. Brian's got the most loving dog in the world. You could try it. You could borrow it for a little while. How big is it?

Tiny. This big? I don't like those little dogs. All the shivering. Oh, it doesn't do that. It doesn't do that. They seem freaked out all the time. It's not a freaked out dog.

It's super loving. It's like a guard dog. It's not scared of you at all. It's not scared of you at all. It's super affectionate. Go look at his... It's not like a dog that's like, holy shit, a person's here.

Do you want to make a documentary about it? Nobody's mean to this dog. My love experience with the dog? Go look at her Twitter. It's Twixie Vixen. Yeah, it's to this dog. My love experience with the dog? Go look, I heard Twitter. It's Twixie Vixen. Yeah, it's a sweet dog. Really one of the nicest dogs on the face of the earth. But you were never in love.

You weren't in love until you met your wife, right? I don't really like to talk about that on the air, sir. All right, fair enough. There's been a few loves lost along the way. Got it. I don't want to bring up any personal experiences that involve other people that I'm still friends with. Yeah.

But look, yeah, i've been in love but the real the real reality of life though is you have to get your own shit together before you're capable of having any sort of a relationship because relationships will eventually expose who you really are that i agree with that is you want to talk about vetting yeah that i don't see like you don't deserve someone who's got their shit together if you don't have your shit together. And that's why it always falls apart. That's why you wind up treating them like shit. You don't deserve them. You know, you have to come to a state as a human being where all your experiences that you give to this other person are all like as nice as possible. You're always.

Yeah. Always as complimentary as possible. Yeah. As friendly as possible. As affectionate as possible. You're always as complimentary as possible, as friendly as possible, as affectionate as possible. And as soon as you get out of that state, as soon as you... The only way you can get there is you've got to really be happy with who the fuck you are. Because if you're not happy

with who you are and what you're doing and how you feel about yourself, and then you start attaching your happiness to this one person. Like, the only time I feel good is when I'm around you to this one person. Like, yeah, only time I feel good is when I'm around you. Which is crazy. Like, bitch, get your own shit together first. You can't just be entirely dependent

upon one person for your own happiness. Right. And the only way you can truly be happy in a relationship, I feel like, is if two people can be independent of each other, still enjoy each other's company. It's the, my eye to therapist once explained, it's like concentric circles. Like in the middle is the relationship where you overlap.

Yeah. But you got to also be nice to each other. That's the thing I learned. Yeah. That's the thing I learned. Because I'm from like, I'm the youngest of 10. Oh, Jesus. And so it's like.

Nobody paid attention to you at all. I mean, yeah, not my... Yeah, yes and no. Like certain ones, like older brothers and sisters did. But 10 kids is too many. My mother admitted it. Wow. And she also admitted that our father didn't love us at all.

Oh, God. Okay. But sounds awful. Sounds awful. Is awful. But when I heard that, I was like, thank you. I fucking knew it. it you know what i mean you knew he didn't love you yeah wow knew it what a dick um so what does he do uh fucks bitches he

he started another family uh no he's uh he's he he's actually he's like he's 80 he's old so he's just hanging out you should go we talk sparingly wow uh talk to him here's a good example uh at my brother-in-law's funeral which was in july um he uh my nephew my dad sort of infirmed and my nephew was like trying to help him down the stairs my dad goes don't touch me and then he walks some more down the steps and he goes if i fall it's gonna be your fault it's just like a crazy guy oh wow like a crazy angry irish dude um so so uh what you so what i found is that that you kind of need i just feel like i need to rebuild all that shit like and and what i found was all right so this is what i was getting at uh i was seeing a girl who had to go to the hospital for some like infection thing pussy infection come on man uh you talk about love and then i'll talk well you said you know

you said infection thing i mean do we i didn't I haven't denied that it was a pussy thing. Okay. Um, and, uh, and, and, um, so she's in the hospital and I was like, but at this point we kind of weren't seeing each other anymore. And she was like, I'm at the hospital by myself. And I was like, you know what? Let me just go. It was like two 30 in the morning on like a Sunday. I was like, let me just go spend, like, I made a concerted effort to show this person love. Right. we just go spend like i made a concerted effort to show this person love right and what i found was

i felt really good about it meaning it made me fucking feel good yeah to love somebody but it's so not my natural uh disposition well you probably grew up with a bunch of defense mechanisms yeah i am a walking defense mechanism that's what chappelle once described me as just walking through life just keeping everyone at a distance which i think is a fair description yeah i think man i think we will all every human that i know has been in that state at least at one point in their life you know yeah you're gonna get burned you know if you get burned you're gonna you're gonna not only that to... There's no fucking handbook on how to drive relationships. So you essentially just get out there and you fucking put the pedal to the metal

and you crash right into the fucking trees. Right. You don't know how to drive. You don't know what you're doing. When you see people and they're dating and they get together and then three days later they're with each other 24 hours a day. Yeah, this is not good.

They go to the store to buy clothes and they just fuck all day. Like, what are you guys really running from? What's going on here? This is what they did. They hit the fucking pedal to the metal. Right. Let's get away from where we were.

That's not the fastest way around the racetrack. The fastest way around the racetrack is you take every turn with precision. You watch what the fuck you're doing, Yeah. And you don't go too fast. But again, people don't know what that is. Because I actually have the opposite thing where I take everything with precision to a fault. Where I'm very like, no, I have boundaries. And you will not sleep over. And I will not.

I mean, like, that's an exaggeration. But I had. That sounds like a lot of fun. I wonder why you're having a problem with chicks. No, it was pretty great. Sounds like a great guy. If that Indian's listening exaggeration. That sounds like a lot of fun. I wonder why you're having a problem with chicks. It was pretty great. Sounds like a great guy. If that Indian's listening. Okay.

No, that was the thing. What if she is, man? What if the show makes a love connection? She'd think it's funny. But that's the thing. I didn't understand boundaries, so I would do the pedal to the metal thing. Then I'd be like, I've got to do the opposite of that. I'd be very cautious. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the pedal to the metal thing. Yeah. And then I'd be like, I got to do the opposite of that. So I'd be very cautious.

And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the pedal to the metal thing. For a second. Sometimes it turns out great. Who knows? Sometimes it turns out great. But do you honestly know when it's turned out great?

Do you know anyone where they just fucked for months and it was just fucking just a physical thing? Yeah, I know a few. Yeah, I know a few. Look, man, sometimes it works. I know people

that are super happy together. I know a few. You just got know a few. Look, man, sometimes it works. I know people that are super happy together. I know a few. You just, you gotta get lucky, man. Well, that's the other thing. You gotta fucking get so lucky. You gotta get lucky. You gotta get so lucky.

But you also gotta be worthy of that luck. Right. You gotta have your own shit together to the point where you're fun to be around. That you're a nice person.

You actually, you contribute to the relationship. Right. It's not like you're sucking off of someone. Have you ever had a girl that you dated that wouldn't stop fucking complaining about everything no matter what yeah i dated a girl it was madness yeah it's like god this traffic are you driving slow on purpose what is going on this car smells i smell something yeah

who is this song who wrote these lyrics god there's nothing on this radio I think that's a sign of stupidity I would say that dumb people are constantly talking about physical sensations

it's a little bit of that my neck hurts oh fuck is your hand cold oh there's fucking smells in here but it's also a pattern you get stuck

in a negative pattern one of the most in my past historic girls of negativity was she was a smart girl she was yeah her whole family was negative they're just cunts yeah fucking snapping at each other everybody just like look at you over there what you're saying oh yeah you know yeah that's i can't be around that no you can't do that to me because the other guy we started playing as people that like, do you think I can't go negative? Yeah.

I'm a fucking comic. I can just fucking tell me to turn it on and I'll do it. I just don't want to do it. I don't want to be like that. You just threatened her with your intellect. See how he does that? How he rocks it? I threaten way more guys.

I threaten way more guys with it. You threaten guys with it? Yeah. Whenever guys are like, Why would you threaten? What happened? Because when guys are ball busters, when guys are like, why would you threaten? What happened? Because when guys are ball busters, when guys are ball busters,

I go, look, man, you can keep busting my balls. And I know you think it's like jovial and jocular and all that shit. But I'm telling you, once I go negative, it's not going to be cute. And it's going to be fucking withering.

And I'll be relentless about it. So just stop now. Because I think guys think that's a going to be cute and it's going to be fucking withering and I'll be relentless about it. So just stop now. Cause I think guys think that's a way to communicate. And it's like, I don't communicate that way. Like what kind of guys are, what are they doing to you? Joe?

Um, no, what are they doing to me? They're just going like, nice. Like even that, like standard thing of like, nice fucking shirt.

Fag did like, just, and it's like, or what is he fucking sweatshirt? Just when you walk on stage. So no, no, no. If you go to the comedy club and like comics will just and it's like what is he fucking sweatshirt man just oh when you walk on stage so no no if you go to the comedy club and like comics will and it's you're not even wearing anything egregious you're not wearing cut pants in front of a jet right you're wearing you're wearing you're not creating the gravest sin on earth which is wearing cut pants in front

of a jet is egregious um no just like a dumb and i'll just go like look man stop like to warn them yeah yeah i'm a i'm a big warner because whenever people like slam me it's like do you think i can't fucking slam i can slam the president in a in a fucking clever way you think i can't slam you you piece of shit well there's a lot of people that just like to play yeah but i just think it's i think it's founded in negativity i don't think it's i don't think anyone means anything it's like i've said like how much money when people go joe you set for life they're not rooting for you to be set for life that's that's with that semi-aggressive yeah that's exactly what i mean

it's like no one wants that for you they They want to go, fuck you. You fucking blew your money, bro. If I were you, I totally... And if you are set for life, then they're like, this cucksack of Joe Rowe. You have nice eyelashes. Thanks a lot, man. You think so? Thank you very much. Is that what you like about him?

I do have a long eye line. I just noticed that he has really prominent eyelashes. Thanks a lot, man. I like him. He gets me. I'm going to go positive on you if you're not careful. Yeah, if you're not careful, dude, he'll just fucking...

You look like a skinny George Zimmerman. How about that? Skinny George Zimmerman. So what do you think about this thing? Now that they grabbed the Zimmerman dude, do you think it's going to calm everybody down? Yeah, I think... I think they had to, right?

I don't think that they brought them. Too much controversy. Yeah, but I don't think they're going to bring a trial because people want one. I think the woman, the prosecutor, looked at the... I think the local PD was awful. They were shitty. Even the way they walked him in,

where they walked him in like he was a cop like hey you want to go ahead one of them walks around him so that he's behind all of the cops it's like is that how you treat suspects is you fucking just walk them in they're not pushing them they're not like steering them what if he fucking yeah jason stayed them to all those motherfuckers choked one guy grabbed the gun kills all of them it's all on tape. That would be fun. You don't know that he's not the transporter? Can you imagine? Yeah, remember Transporter?

I always thought you should have movies like that. I don't want to do those. You said that last time. Thank you very much. I've always thought that. I even killed a meeting once. I had a meeting with these people about a martial arts type thing. I said, I don't want to do anything that looks ridiculous.

I go, I would never fight a retard wagon train where there's 10 dudes serving me and I kick all their asses. Because everybody waits. That's not how fights are. It was a conflict with Zookeeper. The scheduling conflict.

Zookeeper was fun. I'll do a kids movie in a heartbeat before I do a martial arts movie. I would not want to do a movie where I write you made the observation that when you're in those movies

they don't work because everyone waits to fight there'll be 8 dudes and they'll wait one at a time to get their ass beat that's ridiculous

instead of just all jumping at one go to worldstarhiphop.com you want to find out how people really fight go to worldstarhiphop.com and there you'll see a lot of evidence how people fight this is what happens you get worldstarhiphop.com and there you'll see a lot of evidence

how people fight. This is what happens. You get punched in the face, you go unconscious, your head bounces off the concrete and people proceed to kick you and then they take your clothes off. Yeah.

That's a real fight, stupid. Yeah. All right? That's what people should see. This nonsense about one guy wading into a crowd of folks and just fucking annihilating everyone in his path.

People respect the stance. If you're in a stance, people are like, at a time patrick swayze eyebrow cut which is dribbles a little bit by the face was it the last ice house chronicles that we were talking about this where like the worst is when they get knocked out and then they're still punching and killing him like on the street you just see like a ragdoll head horrific oh that like actual street fun yeah did you see this i saw the ball just a couple of yeah i could i watched a little bit of it it's horrible just the noise his head made when it hit the concrete it's just like nope yeah but it was hollow because his mouth was open a little bit

it sounded like a like a pumpkin he got i mean he got hit by the world it's like that's what it's like it's like hitting the world at 20 miles an hour this is ridiculous have you ever broken up something like that no yeah i'd like to think i would but there's a part of it that's like hitting the world at 20 miles an hour. This is ridiculous. Have you ever broken up, something like that? No. I'd like to think I would, but there's a part of me that's like, I think I would just go like, eh. You've got to be very careful. Stop.

You could get jumped and taken right into that. The most important thing is, if it was not a lot of people, the most important thing is to get the fuck out of here and call the police. That's what the most important thing is. If you want to jump in, if there's, I mean, how many people are there? 10, 15 people? You don't think someone's going to sucker punch you too? They just sucker punch this dude and put him out. Are you ready to go scrap with 10 people?

How confident are you, stupid? Even if you get in there and try to say, hey, listen, this is fucking crazy. Leave him alone. You've got to gauge the situation. Gauge how they respond to it. You better be ready to run for your fucking life right that's some real shit you know the people that are good people have to understand that there's not the whole world is not populated

by good people right there's a lot of people out there that are motherfuckers and they'll do crazy shit to you well it's also interesting how quickly it just becomes like and a mob yeah like just fucking something in the brain just goes especially if you're white and they're black and in that situation that was clearly they they crack that dude and then you you hear them deciding all together to just rob him and take his shit and if you try jumping into that man you were you're with that guy you're gonna be with that guy even if you just protest what they're doing it's not like you're protesting what if i say look guys i co-create chapelle show let's be reasonable about this i have some dvds not on me but i can get if you all

give me your mailing address they just start fucking you yeah i mean that's but but actually fucking yeah actually fucking you they'd be like we've got to take this opportunity to fuck you. But that's the... You know what's funny? That's the interesting thing about the same part of people that just goes, and mob is the same part of people that go, and comedy club laughing. To me, it's the same mechanism. What?

It's just your brain decides we're laughing and that's funny and i'm gonna attack i think it's the limbic system i think and you just go i'm and go yeah but laugh i don't know i don't again i understand that's based on just going straight wild crazy but you you know what i mean about when you do a joke and someone in the crowd, you have like a pocket of dissenters. They make the show worse for everyone around them. Right, right. And they don't do anything.

Right. They're just, they have energy. I just think it's like some human energy shit. I think it's like some animalistic human energy shit. Well, you definitely get that in live audiences, man. We've all experienced that where someone is sitting in the front and they're looking at you funny and they cross their arms and you'll even say i'm like seeing they're shaking their head like this guy's not funny i've seen yeah people will do that to like fuck with you it's like like the people that would stand in

front of you if you were playing pool and they stand in front of your shot and like make faces right to shark you that's exactly what they would do at a comedy club like when you go you watch basketball and dudes are in front of the net and they're doing that thing, guys do that all the time. There's people that are always going to want to see if they can fuck with you, especially if they don't know who you are. I think it's also people that haven't been to comedy clubs many times

because I think a lot of people go to comedy clubs and are like, all right, you better make me laugh because I paid money. It's kind of like almost like you're doing a job. I also think it's just that Billy Wilder, the director, said that audience members are individually they're idiots, but together they're a genius. Meaning the collective unconscious thing.

Like if I do a joke where I say I'm vegan, it's easy to be vegan in LA, but the rest of the country might as well walk up to people and go, hey, where do faggots eat? Okay. Simple joke, funny, basically a knock-knock joke about, now I'm not being homophobic, I'm not doing anything. Most of the time, they're laughing before they can go,

hey, wait a minute, that's kind of, he said faggot, that's kind of homophobic, how do I feel about that? And that's, all of comedy is kind of like that. And I believe it's the same thing with a lynch mob where it's just like and we're a mob before they

go maybe a guy that we just punched out maybe we don't take his pants like they're just doing it i don't think that was the case i think he was around a bunch of criminals oh you think so fuck yeah yeah i think there's a shit load of criminals in baltimore crime in baltimore is through the fuck oh yeah i agree but i think i think that was a drunk no that was a drunk guy who was out with a bunch of criminals and they decided to beat the fuck out of them and steal shit from them and that wasn't the first time they made the fuck out of somebody that was the first wasn't the first time they stole shit from right that's that's what that was i i don't i don't you know i don't think it's anything but that it's real simple i think i think maybe two of them were criminals and eight of them

were like yeah got in on come on man we got dark pockets of humanity and that guy was strolling drunk through a dark pocket of humanity and they fucked they fucked him what i would say is there's dark pockets in every single human yes it's possible but you have to have the certain combination of neglect and you know and abuse as a child and abuse by your environment. You have to have a certain amount of disconnect with the idea of community and brothership and fellowship and love. You have to have enough fucked up shit in your life that you don't go the natural way. Humans that are raised with love and humans that are raised in a good community, that's what they try to appreciate and and cultivate and when you're not and you

lash out i mean it's it's almost always because somebody did a fucking terrible job of raising some kid oh yeah there's been some other place where everybody around was terrible for kids and these toxic cesspools occasionally they shit out excellence you know and someone will just would try so hard to get away from it they become this you know mega mogul type character or you know some super rapper dude i mean and or a fighter or an athlete or something like that but i mean essentially that's that's it's a a dark horrible pocket of humanity where anything can go wrong and that's one of the main if you want to cry racism in this country the real reality that that's the some of the most racist shit i think i think the system when yeah when you see when you

see a problem area like that and you just dismiss it as a bunch of lazy people right you're dismissing babies man yeah you're dismissing them that is clearly in a way if it's either dishonest or it's racist it's one orest or it's racist. It's one or the other. Because you're ignoring the fact that these bundles of potential human beings are being brought into this fucked up situation. Instead, you want to concentrate on some minerals on the other side of the world or some Taliban dudes that may or may not even exist. I mean, how many of them are there really? Well, there's 300 of them. Isn't there just a bunch of fucking people where are there really are we are you sure 300 of them

isn't there just a bunch of fucking people where you're in their yard and they have but joe they have over 200 horses and they have 10 pickup trucks how many spears do they have they've ate at last count they've ate spears fuck man and just think about all the potential that could be saved if we put the resources that we're putting into going to these other countries the giant fuck well that's the thing yeah it's like bill gates ending malaria took that money and took all those people and hired them instead of giving them jobs as soldiers giving them give them jobs as community rebuilders provide the same kind of jobs that could be available to a million soldiers, could easily

be better spent in this country to having community builders. Have a million fucking people that you send throughout the terrible spots in this country, and they rebuild the infrastructure of community centers, they set up after school things for kids and mentoring for kids, they

get kids around people who can be good role models, and they teach them better than they're getting in these fucked up schools where you might as well be going to prison. Do you believe in the idea of welfare queens, meaning women that live life having babies? For sure they exist. But to me, it's such a small amount. There's a spectrum of humanity, man. Yes, it is a small amount.

It's a small amount, but I think that that's how people that are against what you're saying would say, here's the problem with that. No, here's problem with that people that are babies don't deserve to be fucked over that's the real problem is that we we are not taking into account the babies we're we're putting one of the most difficult tasks in the world and we're taking someone who can't even take care of themselves and we're helping them take care of themselves so that they can keep raising this baby in the most fucked up way possible. When really what we should do is try to educate them and try to come in and help them and try to figure out what the fuck can be done to put this person in some sort of a positive state. So just somehow or another you can raise this baby right. Right.

That person's done. That person's, yeah, she's 45 and she's been on welfare her whole life and she's addicted to crack. She's done. You can try and help her if you want, but you can save that baby. Well, that's why I think somebody that's in some ways, it's like, do you want, I almost see welfare as like a buyout of people. Like, you're going to be a terrible CVS employee, so you're going to be a drag on the economy. We're going to buy you out. We're going to pay you to stay home, basically.

And just make $240 a week and we'll give you milk and sugar and all the shit you need to eat. But you're not good for the economy. You're just bad. It's a mess. But I also think that another thing that when people generally on the right say

that there's all these welfare queens and stuff, it's like, you know, and they got so many babies, you know what would help them not have babies birth control is you gave them some fucking birth control yeah but even if you do that there's gonna be some people that oh no i'm not saying nobody's gonna have babies but i'm saying that i'm saying they it's the it's like that well you had the baby now you gotta do it's like yeah but if you gave her rubbers or if you gave her uh the pill you'd have less babies.

We have to figure out a way to make our community somehow or another our existence here, at least in this country. I mean, we can't control the whole world, but I think in this country, we're capable of getting to a place where we have accepted things and standards for our communities. and standards for our communities. And if we just concentrated the amount of effort we spend on military shit, on trying to figure out how to stop kids from growing up fucked up, how to come in and help them, how to come in and catch them while they're young, while they're not a mess yet,

that's really, no one is looking at that. They're allowing the crime, they look at the statistics, and they just allow nature to run its course it's crazy yeah and then it's like you you uh they kick someone in the shin and they go what are you limping for it's like they're born into this terrible thing and then you go you're fucking lazy no they're born into this they even if they weren't lazy they they're in such a shitty system that you have to be 10 times more motivated to get out of it. Yeah. I've been around a lot of dudes, especially when I was really young, that grew up in the projects and then had like a lot of the kids that I used to do martial arts tournaments with. They came from really fucked up places. And it was super depressing sometimes when I'd go to visit them and go to where they lived.

And they had a lot of anger inside because of that. There was a lot of frustration because of that. And they got out of it with martial arts. And they become productive members of society. But when they would tell me some of the stories of the shit they had to go through, how bad the crime is and their projects and how scary it is, you can't have anything sticking out of your pockets. They'll rip your pockets open.

Like, whoa, man. These kids living with wolves. and that's before they've even gotten to white people yeah yeah you know i mean like that's before that that's the yeah we i got a podcast called the champs it's on itunes good whatever and uh we only have uh we we only have uh we only have black gas on because i've just never had a boring conversation with a black dude we've had and jose canseca you've never had a boring conversation with a black almost never almost now i'm not saying never but i find that more of my conversations with black dudes are interesting and uh uh inspiring and and uh and just fucking uh engaging then then why i know a few dudes you'd walk away from no yeah of course i'm sure there's exceptions. I know a few dudes you'd walk away from. No, yeah, of course. I'm sure there's exceptions to everyone.

I'll get a few dudes to trap you in the corner and change that statistic. But that's the thing is white people, like, they don't spend any, the thing that I always say is it's important that most of black dudes I know that, like, did something with their lives, spent time with white people at a young age. Because it's important to get demystified to demystify have white people demystified you go oh it's not they're not all out to get me they're not all white devil yeah they're not they're just living their life they're not uh they're also not these big paul bunyan-esque fucking they're not these phantoms that control everything and

they're just people they're trying to live like i am and vice versa it's good for white people to hang out with black people but the amount of just shit the average black dude has to deal with on a regular basis, just as part of the culture, it's just like, ugh, so disgusting. Like looks and caps and just every single interaction. Banging some hot white girls. A real hot blonde white girl. Oh, forget it, Joe. Yeah, we actually talked about this yesterday with Amy Schumer, where she was talking about how many black girls have that anger at black men

for not dating a black girl. Right. Like, they're mad. And I'm like, that's like one of the few blatantly open pieces of racism we allow. You know, that's like as racist as you can get. You shouldn't be dating white girls. Well, no, it's crazy. It's like,

we're all the same and we need to overcome, but how fucking dare you? How dare you try to date Like, we're not all the same. Turned out we're not all the same. These bitches are evil. You got yourself to worry about

and we're the human race and if you fall in love with a Filipino lady, it's nothing wrong with that, all right? Right. Just because you're your ex-girlfriend.

It's nonsense. Who the fuck is right? Right. You know, just because your ex-girlfriend. It's nonsense. Who the fuck is anybody to tell anybody who to date? Well, generally, the problem is black girls don't like white dudes. Whereas black dudes like white girls.

Tough shit. No, I know. It's just that you need to open yourself up to more shit. How do you think Chinese dudes feel if they only like white chicks?

They gotta feel bad. They gotta feel really bad. It's hard to get a white chick if you're a chinese dude yeah you know i do a joke i mean a lot of them pull it off don't get me wrong no it's uh it's not a it's not a common thing yeah i do a joke where i say uh i say i used to ask people that were mixed they were half white and half asian which parent was what race but it's a stupid question because I realized that the dad was never Asian. Fucking ever. That's not true. It's not 100, but no, you'll find one person, but mostly

it's like, I met her when I was in Korea, there's always like, the, uh, well, because also, white girls don't like Asian dudes because white girls don't like, because they don't like short dudes. But what if it's a big one? I know a lot of Asian dudes are really big

you gotta be a sexy fucking Asian to get white girls you gotta be a Bruce Lee you gotta be a fucking Kevin Shea you gotta be a Bobby Lee

Kim Jong I mean you gotta be you gotta be a Jeremy Lin you gotta be a sexy fucking Asian that's wild isn't it yeah that's probably the hardest

road for white pussy, right? Asian, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I was going to say Mexican dude. What's the hardest? What is it? What's the hardest if you want to get a black chick? Asian guy as well?

Probably Asian guy. Asian guy as well, right? Yeah. Yeah. Could you see Beyonce going out with an Asian guy? Could you ever see that? Sure couldn't. Not even. Sure couldn't see that? Sure couldn't. Not even.

Sure couldn't, Joe. Sure couldn't. Yeah, maybe it could happen. But Bruce Lee, you got to be that. You know where it happened? Some weird place like Scottsdale, Arizona or something. That's hilarious. They met at a tanning salon.

Yeah, so they're just both a little off. And she gets a thrill out of the fact she hangs out with this dude who speaks mandarin yeah yeah maybe maybe her dad was like really into kung fu yeah there's but again it's got to be like shit yeah but i would say i don't yeah it sucks it's just one of those things it's just like it sucks man there's nothing we can do about it yeah just history someday but i although having said that i bet during gangaskhan's time to bring it back to that that they asian dudes could get pussy because it first of all because they were taking it but also because they that was the paradigm of masculinity that's interesting that's fun that's

really fascinating so what happened that that changed i want what is it all well that's why i always find that when i go to europe it's odd that in america it's taken to me it's like a granted that black dudes are cool and create a lot of culture and in europe it's kind of like no soccer it's the number one sport they prefer like techno music to hip-hop yeah there's a lot of like so there's no they like don't even get like black fashion isn't a thing they all wear tight pants like whereas here there's a huge strain of black cultural dominance that you go to europe and it's just it just fucking evaporates um but i think it is that like what's what what do people condition to think is good yeah really well why why sexually that doesn't make sense to me because sexually to me What do people condition to think is good? Yeah, really?

Why sexually? That doesn't make sense to me. Because sexually, to me, it's always clear what men like. Men like the same thing every goddamn turn. There's a few weirdos who want stick figures and fat women. Right. What's the magic ratio of the two-to-one hips to waist? Yeah, whatever it is, it's natural. The golden ratio?

There was a lady that I was in Beverly Hills today, and there was this lady, and she was probably in her 40s, deep in her 40s, which I try to be respectful and not have like ugly feelings about women who are older than me when I look at her. She was, she was built so nice. Yeah. She had these like thin, she had this thin waist and this ass. You could tell this bitch goes to the gym.

You could tell. bitch goes to the gym you could tell she worked out hard like she was like really well kept and you just look just look at her body like instantly wow like that's sex like that's what she looks like yeah they're you're built for sex she looks like sex yeah yeah and that's that's that's just but girls like but again it's like tall guys yeah broad shoulders but i'm talking in general they like you know what they like they like just automatic. But again, girls like tall guys. Broad shoulders. But I'm talking in general. You know what they like? They like strength. They like physical, genetic strength.

Yes, and they also like social worth. They like any sort of strength. That's strength as well. That's monetary strength. They want whatever looks attractive to mate with. It's the same thing. Men want a woman that can fucking protect their baby in utero and then feed it with big, giant titties.

So why not Asian guys? Why not Asian guys? Because they're not tall. And they don't have, generally speaking, they're not tall. And they don't have broad shoulders. But a lot of them are super successful. And they got no social currency. Yeah, they do.

Their social skills are fun. Social skills. Is that what it is? Yeah. No, I think. For the most I know, they're not. No, I think it could be smooth. Hold on a second.

In what way? They're just... I don't know. They're just... Like, any of the Asians that I know, they're very foreign. Like, when it comes to just common pop culture, pop anything. Are you talking about American Asians? I'm talking about, yeah.

Or Asians that came... I'm talking about American Asians that I know. That were born here. Like, having conversations with them you know it's very different than having like a conversation with like uh an asian chick do you think that it's because they came from the parents of immigrants and their parents were like super strict that well that there's a little of that i mean you you're making a big generalization obviously i know a lot of i'm just talking about the people i know well look at bobby lee he's not like that bobby lee's pretty cool right you know there's a lot of asians

that right that are like totally down and cool i know several of them you know that's what i'm wondering what i know more that are actually cool than i yeah like that are like you know a lot of fast but cool that girls would want to date them cool though or more like hey they're cool if i want to talk about video games and stuff cool if i want to just hang out with them i know i like when i think about the dudes that i know that are asian i know a lot of i mean for girls arts guys i know a lot of asian dudes from martial arts and i know a lot of them if if i want to talk about the most percentage of asian dudes with white girlfriends it's usually martial arts you know that makes a lot of sense because it's a show it's a fun. They're peacocking.

And they're fit. And they wear Bruce Lee brown sweatsuits everywhere they go. With a zipper. A six pack. And a penis is just easy to get in her mouth. There's no gap. Real easy. And he's happy about it.

He doesn't care. It feels good for him. She's really just into getting her pussy eaten anyway. I mean, she really doesn't even like sex that much. Yeah. So for them, it works, stereotypes aside. But I think I have a friend that was raised by a very strict father to the point where when she got older, all of her boyfriends became,

she wouldn't date Asian guys. It was all white guys only white guys and um her father was like i just guess just such a like stereotypical over the top like you know authoritarian like really strict asian father and it just completely whacked her out to the idea of ever dating an asian guy and if that's the case if it's like that's a part of their culture like i know like my friends that are korean like i had a buddy that was korean i've never met anybody who worked harder in my well that's the thing there's not there's no machismo about the culture it's just basically like

quiet hard work oh my god yeah they're not into bragging at all. Yeah, they're not into wearing chains. They're not into getting nice cars. Just like we're planning for the next generation. Yeah, my friend Jung-Sik, Jung-Sik Chang, we did Taekwondo together. He wound up on the national team. He was a national champion, and he was in fucking medical school.

And he took a little bit of time off from medical school to compete. Never met a guy who works that hard. Manny Pacquiao is works that hard. Yeah. Manny Pacquiao. Yeah. Good example. Yeah.

The guy's just fucking like a governor or some shit. He's the mayor of Thailand. Philippines. He's not from Thailand. No, exactly. And he lives in the fucking, the place by the Beverly Center with eight of his cousins.

Oh, does he really? No, like when they come for fights they stay at the palazzo hey what are you doing why would you say that because they show it on the they because they show it on that show oh that's so stupid and there's a gate why would they do that yeah how many nutty people are waiting outside for him every day fight him to fight him no go ahead go ahead they go to the he goes to wild card gym they know where he goes that's the kind of thing. When you're that kind of badass, it's like, all right, so go.

What are you going to do? We filmed him. I went there for Tosh's show. And Tosh was going to let Manny Pacquiao punch him in the head. And I was his corner man. And, you know, he really hit him really, he was very nice about it. Right. Like the first couple times he hit him, he like barely hit him.

Right. Were you going to say gingerly? No. I i was searching for a word but gingerly would apply that's a good word um but the the amount of people that were there it was insane just there that are just there they're there downstairs they weren't there because of tasha show they were there because that's where manny pacquiao trained yeah and i mean this was i guess like a year ago maybe less than a year ago, maybe? Less than a year ago? Maybe a year.

Less than a year, probably. And so he's only gotten even more popular since then. Yeah. I mean, he's a goddamn superhero. Yeah. You know, and there's a restaurant, a Thai restaurant that you eat at downstairs, and it's got all pictures of him on the wall, because that's where he eats. Yeah. Dude.

They know where to, yeah, you can find Manny Pacquiao. Yeah, you can find him. What are you going to, so that's, and he's a humble dude. dude oh he's the nicest guy ever yeah he's a sweetheart yeah uh that is that weird thing that fighters have where it's that that you're like where you don't really brag well i think when you get to be at the point of manny packer why would he brag i mean that guy probably can't believe how well what do you make amazing his life is well that's sort of part of it is his shtick and it's also part of it is why he's become so successful. And it's also part of it is his environment.

And if you look at it, I mean, there's no better example than those shows, those HBO series when they follow him. Because if you follow his life, man, his father was in jail, okay? His father talks mad shit to him. They talk mad shit to each other. Like he said to his father, he goes, you ain't ain't never nothing you ain't no champion you never know champion and he says it to his father's face on camera yeah and you know he shuts down his father makes him look like shit on camera and then his you know his his uncle rogers the same way and they just

talk mad shit to each other and roger just kind of he's uh on trial for domestic abuse he beat some girl up i mean that's the environment and then floyd smacks some girl and you know he's got to go to jail for 90 days then letting him fight first you know i mean it's really that's a crazy life yeah he's that that's part of his environment but look how goddamn disciplined that dude is the reason why floyd is so good floyd will get out he'll go out clubbing drinking water and then with his jeans on he'll run yeah like 1 30 in the morning yes to say gets his truck to his driver whoever the fuck he's got working for him to drive the car behind him and he'll just go run home at 1 30 do you think that's characterological meaning do you think it's just in him meaning at a certain point it's like that so-and-so is disciplined.

It's almost like they're not, they're just, that's just how their brain is. Like they're just like Floyd. It's not even, it's like, I just got to fucking run. No, no, no. He's not that crazy. I think he's doing the work. I think he's just addicted to success. And I think he knows exactly what he has to do to be as good as he is,

which is better than almost anybody. And I think his technical skill is only, only eclipsed by his work ethic. And that's what people don't understand. He's got great technical skill. He's a great boxer. You've seen him fight live? Oh, yeah. He's on a different speed.

Yeah. Well, he's also so accurate, and his timing is fucking genius, and he knows how to control a fight. He knows how to pace himself. He knows how to do anything. But one of the big things about that dude is he never gets tired. That guy's never even remotely tired. You never even see him slow down.

He's never in a war where he has to dig down deep because someone's been rocking him. You know when you start seeing fighters in those fights and they're covering up and they're bouncing off the ropes? When was the last time you saw that Floyd Bader? The guy that he ended up knocking out when the guy put his hands down was giving him a little something? No, no, he wasn't. He wasn't hitting him with shit.

All he was hitting him with was headbutts. Oh, I agree. He was throwing a lot of punches. I agree. He throws a lot of punches, but Floyd is a goddamn expert at moving with punches and about sliding away from punches. The only guy that's ever hit him clean that I've ever seen in a modern fight,

not when he was younger, when he was first starting out ever seen in a modern fight, not when he was younger, when he was first starting out, but in a recent fight, is Sugar Shane Mosley. Caught him with the right hand and rocked him. But you know what he does? Fucking calms himself down. Did he fall?

Nope, nope. But he rocked. He got cracked. Boom! I like that that counts as like, he got hit once. It's like most guys get knocked out when we're talking about like,

one time he got hit hard. They all get hit, but he got hit clean. Right. But that's how fast he is is that you're bringing up like one time in 1998 a guy actually landed a punch

clean. Exactly. But I saw him fight Hatton and somebody else and you just got like this isn't even a they're not even in the same league. Yeah, he's way too good for them.

He's way too good and Hatton started getting tired. I mean and Hatton was a tough guy but Hatton was also a partier. And that fucked Hatton after he got out of the game. He got real big and started doing cocaine. Oh, did he really? He got caught with it, yeah.

Which is so sad when you see fighters that get out of the game, and then they don't know what the fuck to do, and they go crazy. It happened to Joe Lewis. It happened to Sonny Liston. It happened to a lot of them. They don't know what to do. They just get fucking nutty. What a wild ride they've been on their whole life.

Then all of a sudden you say, okay, no more craziness. There should be a farm or something. I mean, for real, what do you do with Mike Tyson? Well, I think Mike Tyson is... It's like you're great at violence, and we have no use for it other than in that one thing that you can only really do until you're 27. Well, Mike Tyson actually, I believe, has a one-man show in Vegas now, is what I've been hearing. no use for it other than in that one thing that you can only really do until you're 27 well mike tyson actually i believe has a one-man show in vegas now is what i've been hearing i've been

hearing it's really good and what it is is he just sits down and tells stories of his life just like that documentary but they put a structure to it and they know they know like he knows like how to do it and apparently has a great stage presence. And apparently it's really compelling. That's great. It's great. You're sitting there with boxing history. How old are you? 38. I'm 44.

When I was in 1986, I was 19 years old. And I remember when Mike Tyson fights would come on. I remember. Yeah. When Mike Tyson fights would come on everybody would fucking gather around they would all gather around it was it was something different it wasn't like hey there's a boxing match this weekend even marvin haggler i have become a marvin haggler fan were assaults primal yeah there was something like where they're gonna let a dog attack a person

like there's something an animal is gonna, like something horrifying is going to happen. He's a part of the sports history. There was no one, no one I think today can appreciate how dominant he was when he was in his prime, especially amongst the general public. There was a few people that questioned whether or not, you know, he'd ever fight a guy like Carl the Truth Williams. He had a really good jab. Apparently he had great training sessions with him,

and it was like Carl the Truth is the guy to beat Tysonyson right but then by the time tyson got to call the truth he fucked him up he was tyson was on a completely different level by that point well that's the fight where he knocked you out in 40 seconds well larry holmes and people get mad and it's like well he's that fucking good larry holmes was older when he fought him you know so i i won i would have loved to have seen a prime larry holmes because larry holmes gave him a hard time with the jab in the first round but in the second round tyson just started moving his head more found his rhythm right eventually caught him with a monster punch dropped him and then knocked him out in a really fucked up way where his leg went backwards behind him and then went oh yeah remember that it was really well you looked at it was like his leg is fucked

and you know Larry Holmes was a longtime heavyweight champion nobody had ever done that to Larry guys beaten Larry but nobody ever done that to him yeah so that guy was he's such a historic he made dudes look retarded there was it's scary

he would literally make them look like they would pass out in a way it's like yeah crazy shit yeah yeah people don't need to see that like oh look like a drunk they were making you make women men look like drunk ants yeah but when he won the title he did that remember who the fuck did he fight that guy who was a trevor burbick trevor burbick wound up being a reverend and shit and doing a bunch of other nutty shit i think he got murdered too why don't he did a lot i feel like a lot of shit got murdered uh i don't think i can't rule that out yeah that's very possible but the idea of mike tyson telling you all those stories what it was like yeah be that guy you know back then when he was on top of the fucking world i mean he was a fucking monster the other thing

about mike tyson is he's a he's the mike tyson of self-loathing as well meaning he'll just be like i'm a piece of shit i mean it's like whoa man but it's there's something so arresting about somebody saying that yeah yeah trevor burber was murdered man yeah and he won the title from trevor burberry you remember that um that that one thing that Tyson did for the movie where he's talking about his mindset as he was walking to the cage and they raped his sister no no no no no no

he was walking he was like I'm walking to the cage I'm nervous I'm thinking about this I'm looking at the crowd I'm looking at him I'm trying to make eye contact and as I get closer I get more and more confident I get calm and I get inside I'm looking at him. I'm trying to make eye contact. And as I get closer, I get more and more confident. I get calm. I get inside. I'm a god. And it's just

like the way he said it. What the fuck would it feel like if you had got it? If you're trapped in a ring. When he fought Michael Spinks, that was one of the big fights of Tyson's career. And Michael Spinks was a former light heavyweight champion

who had gone up to heavyweight and beaten Larry Holmes by decision. But there was a look in his eyes. When they were reading, when the guy was going over the rules and they were looking at each other, Mike Tyson was just chomping back and forth and just staring him in the eyes.

Even the way he wears a towel. He cut a hole in a towel. It's like, fuck. When you hear that quote attributed to that walk-in, and you think about that fight, and what it must have been like to be Michael Spinks in the room with, at that moment, the most impressive heavyweight fighter in the history of the sport, in my opinion.

Yeah, I agree. You've got to judge a guy on what he does to the tough fights when he's in his prime at his best. And Mike Tyson in his prime at his best, which is run through dudes. Well, that's what I wonder. What do you think happens if he fights Ali at his prime at his best and mike tyson in his prime at his best which is run through dudes well that's what i wonder what do you think happens if he fights ali at his prime it's not a match right no i think he might i think he might get ali i think he just gets him in the first round i think you would get him you know henry cooper knocked down ali and had him badly hurt and custom auto had or no rather um what the fuck's his name? The guy that just died. Bundini? Drew?

Anthony. Jesus Christ. Oh, Bert Sugar? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Who was Sugar Ray Leonard's trainer? Angelo Dundee. Yeah. Angelo Dundee cut his gloves so that they would have time to recover.

He got back to the corner and they cheated. They cut his fucking gloves because he got knocked down by Henry Cooper cooper you know ali later as he got older got way better but if they both had fought like when they were both the same age when tyson was 21 and ali was 21 tyson would have killed him yeah or even like the thrill of manila like the or the the the foreman one you know a lot of people don't want to think of you know ali in the later years because he got you know battered and right now and they're absolutely right but But even at his best, he still got caught. He got caught by something. He never fought

anybody like Tyson. He never fought anybody like the Tyson that fought Marvis Frazier. Jesus fucking Christ. Do you remember how scary that was? Yes! It was like the Christians and the Lions. It was fucking crazy. No one's confusing Muhammad Ali with Marius

Frazier, but I'm saying some of those might have got through. And if some of those got through, that would have been the end. In my mind, Foreman would give him a fight. Fuck yeah, he would. Like Foreman from Africa? Fuck yeah. Foreman from when we were kings? Foreman would fire back. With a heavy bag and shit?

That's a good thing you could say about Ali as well, because Ali had an incredible chin ali could fucking take it he could take it but nobody ever hit him with the kind of combinations that tyson was capable of throwing tyson threw ungodly things that had never existed in the heavyweight division before nobody'd ever ripped the body to the head like the way he did well he would throw that right right hook to the body and then that right uppercut yeah and his whole body would and oh my god it's like the shark eating the dolphin thing where it's just like yeah you know there's a lot of boxing people will totally disagree with me and they say oh it's so disrespectful to muhammad ali and he was the greatest he was amazing but i think things evolve

and athletes evolve and you you gotta say you want to try to put them error to error and say well if what if muhammad ali grew up during Tyson's era? Right. He would have been better. Muhammad Ali would have been better. If he grew up in that generation, and that's not bullshit. Muhammad Ali was an amazing athlete, but he was an amazing athlete in the 1960s. If he was an amazing athlete in the year 2000, he'd be even fucking better.

For sure. 100%. But if you look at them as far like it's just a window of time and compare if you could somehow or another get them in a room in the same physical state that they have those guys the way guys are ripped now is yeah completely different tyson was on another level dude he was on another level and he didn't sustain it and he definitely imploded and he went through but when he was on man dudes would be terrified of him. Bruce Seldon went down to a miss. He hit him, and then Bruce Seldon winged a left hook on him,

and he fucking stumbled at the ropes and fell. That might have been like some kung fu fear shit. Yeah. Where he, pow! He just knew the end was coming. Do you do any, because I read this book called 10 Minute Toughness, which this reminded me of. And it's a book about uh positive

visualization just in whether it's it's for athletes and because i asked an athlete friend of mine like do you do any any sports psychology thing because i realized from stand-up i was like i have no uh not defense mic but i have no i go, like, basically what happened was I would be in a bad mood and I'd be like, I'm going to bomb. And then I'd go and bomb. Sure enough. I could feel it. I could feel that I was going to bomb. It was like, you have to be able to overcome that.

The feeling of like, I don't, I'm in a bad mood. And then, like, so I basically, it's a thing called 10-minute toughness, and it's basically just about positive visualization of said task, whether it's batting, basketball. Yeah, no, someone said half-run's really into it. But I found it's really helpful. And you also hear fighters, and you hear, I know, athletes that do it, and Pele used to lay down for half an hour before every game and just visualize it.

Michael Jordan, same thing. Tiger Woods, same thing. For sure that would help. Yeah, absolutely, 100%. Anytime you can equate that thing in your mind with you having success in it, it's going to improve your chances of having success. Yeah, and you do it in your head. So when you go and do it, you're basically just executing.

I do jiu-jitsu in the isolation tank. I do it all the time. I do it in my head. I go over techniques. I force myself to go over a whole series of techniques. So I just get into a state in the isolation tank, and then I say, okay, let's break down some guard positions. And then I just go over guard positions in my head.

And where is this arm? This arm is wrapping around the knee and pulling it down. Where this this hand this hand is and really try to sensation and then and i go through the whole move i go through the whole thing in my head because i know what it feels like to do it i've done it all so then i just go through all the moves in my head and i can practice and they say that you practicing in that manner is actually sometimes better for you than the actual physical act of practicing and as far as like rate of improvement it's really amazing yeah no i know that's what's great about it is that i and i don't even fuck around when i say this i've gotten 25 better in three months well

when you go back to the tank do that okay visualize visualize your shows like in the tank but you should never be thinking you're gonna bomb i should be thinking but you always is that you're the luckiest fucking person ever because you're gonna go get paid to talk yeah that's a you're a professional comedian which is craziness the fact that somewhere or another you you hit the lottery with you know choosing something going after it and then actually achieving success with it in the point of you actually get paid to do something that's fun whereas the majority of the world gets paid to do something they don't want to do yeah that's why they get money they get money because nobody wants to do it or because if they do want to do it they

need to be compensated because it's not the ideal shit to be doing right right you know maybe it's good work maybe you enjoy it but if you had your choice you might be fishing well the guy who gets paid to go fishing that guy won you know i mean that guy's true white trash so you're driving to go fishing okay you're getting paid i agree no but sometimes if you're just you got a stink on you yeah you just have an emotional stink on you and you're like they're gonna fucking smell it and that's where i talked about that genius the the group the collective unconscious thing where it's like they can just smell it that's also i think where you need love neil brennan uh i don't know you and i have always been cool with each other i know you have had like disagreements with people and i've had disagreements with people but i think

when we met each other way way back in the day at boston comedy we were always cool with each other because i realized i'm like oh here's one of those dudes that people probably fucked with a lot, and he seems really smart, but he's worried that you might fuck with him. But he seems cool, so I'll just assure him that I'll never fuck with him, and I bet we'll get along nice. Yeah, that's true. I always felt like an amount of respect from you that wasn't commensurate with my position in life at that time well that's

there are two guys that stick out you and john stewart that were very nice very nice guy that were very nice before that was a thing to be that's how you know how pissed he was that cnn bullshit when he went on and called these guys hacks and you know and it was angry and wasn't funny at all when you realize how nice that guy is yeah to get that guy to go and do something like that i've done his show a couple times you do the daily show he's like the nicest guy ever so yeah so friendly yeah if he's really that pissed off at you or something but i've never thought that anybody is in any i mean there's no positions in life i think that's nonsense i don't i don't buy

it for a second especially especially as a comedian. Why would I ever consider that anybody else would be? There are no positions. You've got to look at a guy who's got a shit job. He's cleaning bathroom toilets at a gas station. I don't know what happened to him that he got stuck in this situation. I'm going to treat this guy entirely based on how he treats me. If he comes out and he's got a fucking bucket in his hand

and, you know, a broom and he's just cleaning toilets and I ask him, hey man, do you know where the highway is? And he goes, yeah, go double back there, take the left. I'm going to say, thank you, my brother. Have a good day.

I agree. And I mean that. That's the thing. It's like, what does this guy seem like? Seems like a good dude. Yeah, exactly. So we're going to be good dudes to each other. Exactly.

And I don't like, then the thing that I like about you being living where you live, which is far away from LA, seems like a good dude yeah so we're gonna be good dudes to each other and that's good and i don't like then the thing that i like about you being living where you live which is far away from la is going i don't even like being around that sort of nexus yeah of like you will be treated a certain way and you will not be yes because you're not you not in movies right so you don't you get a shittier parking space right and you get a shittier social you're not in movies. Right. So you get a shittier parking space. Right. And you get a shittier social position. You're going to feel shitty this whole time. There is that, man. I remember I was over a buddy of mine's house.

It was actually Brian Callen. It was way back in the day when Brian was a single man. And he had this girl that he had over his place. And she was just real cunty. I forget what it was but brian was supposed to come with me but he was always like making like triple plans you know brian's always absolutely so i'm like come on man what do you what are we gonna do are we gonna go out are you gonna go out with her just let me know now and she's like god she goes the way he acts

you would think he wasn't like the fifth lead on a sitcom she goes you're only like the fifth lead on a sitcom. She goes, you're only, like, the fifth lead. Relax. And I'll never forget that. I'll never forget that. Absolutely, yeah. I was like, what are you talking about? I didn't even know what number I was. I don't know what number. You read someone's name off? You know what number on the call sheet I am?

She fucking said I was the fifth lead. Because there was eight people on the sitcom. And maybe I guess my name came in five or six or whatever the fuck it was. She knew it. I'm like, come on. How do you know that? How crazy are you?

I had a girl laugh at me. She goes, you write for Nickelodeon. This was in 1994. It's a good gig. I was fucking excited to write for Nickelodeon. You know what I mean? Any job in showbiz is fucking a good job as far as I'm concerned.

What show did you write for? All That and Kenan and Kel. Being in that hive of showbiz is fucking a good job, as far as I'm concerned. What show did you write for? All That. And Kenan and Kel. Being in that hive of showbiz. There's too many crazy people. And the wrong kind of crazy. I can't get anything out of that. And no one acts natural.

Yes. I don't know if we've ever talked about it. I always say, standing next to a celebrity is like driving next to a cop. Right. You can do a facsimile of what you think natural is but everyone's acting fishy fucking everyone so i just try to stay away from it smart yeah it's definitely smart yeah you're way better off outside the hive the the hive of uh of this showbiz culture is just so over saturated with insecurity and insanity. There's just too much nonsense and too much crazy people, too much need.

I don't want to talk about the business. I don't want to talk about any of this. This is all boring shit. There's a crazy world out there, and we're concentrating on some of the most mundane aspects of it just because that's the latest obsession. And you also have to realize when you have a place like this

that is essentially the vortex of all things where someone, all instances where people get a preposterous amount of attention for no reason. It all comes from here. So all these people who watch all these different shows, the Housewives shows, and this show, they gravitate towards here, thinking somehow or another, this is going to be the place where they get on TV.

And there's people right now that are out of their fucking mind. They've been a goddamn nightmare to everyone they've ever met their entire life. Right. And they're on a bus right now, and they're headed over here because they're going to get fucking famous. They're going to get the get out of jail free card.'re gonna get on a reality show yeah and guess what i they're gonna get it they're gonna get on a reality show they will they'll get on one i i have hosted one i know how it works i know how they cast they find someone if that guy can fucking form a sentence and he's energetic and he looks like he's a huge narcissist yeah huge narcissist perfect he's like

flexing in front of the mirror yeah he. He shaves his socks, you know. Whatever. Wear his socks, go. Look, I think any crazy person right now could come here and come here just to try to get famous. And that's not a good place to live. Yeah. Not a good place to live where that's the big percentage of people come here to get famous. That's unhealthy.

Yeah, I just try to ignore it. Yeah. And try to. But you're in the hive, right? Are you in the hive? I live in Venice. Yeah, that's unhealthy yeah i just try to ignore it yeah and try to but you're in the hive right are you in the house i live in venice yeah that's the hive son but not really not yeah not compared to uh not compared to hollywood you haven't a lot of annoying people a lot of annoying people live in venice yeah i agree it's a different kind of annoying yeah it's a hippie annoying which i find forgivable yes and also also ignore most part. Also, ignore, I'm in my hat.

It's like I drive there. Topanga Canyon is a lot like that too, right? There's a lot of hippie. Yeah. Topanga is very hippie. Yeah, God bless them. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not really down with that. They annoy me for the most part.

Yeah. Hippies. Yeah, we've talked about this. But you're friends with most hippies that I ever met. Oh, yeah. I'm friends with a lot of hippies. But there's a lot of hippies that I don't like.

I became an anti-hippie person when I lived in Boulder. And then I had to experience hippies on a daily basis. Well, you're being vegan. There's a lot of weakness. There's a lot of weakness and illogical thinking. And I've had some conversations with hippies that were quasi-debates about shit. And they go south real quick there's not a lot of uh logic behind yeah the real one move the real sloppy lazy hippie yeah

you know like you ever hear the people that peter schiff always debates at occupy wall street he goes down there and talks to the sloppy hippies because they don't really have coherent sentences and it's really he's battering them around it's mike tyson sparring one of us yeah it's not fair and those motherfuckers are the there's too many of those there's too many sloppy hippies who don't really have a good handle on how complex different social issues are and they will why should you have all the money man why should you well that's why you need 500 million dollars man yeah why do you need that, man? And he just eviscerates him. Peter Schiff just explains, like, I create jobs.

You said that like the fourth lead on a sitcom. Not the fifth. That was a fucking upgrade. I stepped up. Well, you know what? I haven't acted in years, but I do get in the tank and think about it. Yeah, there's a lot of sloppy hippies. Sloppy thinking, man. yeah that's the yeah that there are too there's a lot of sloppy hippies and uh and sloppy thinking man yeah well that's what i like about your point of view is that it's humane and masculine yeah i

don't find it as like people go like fucking you're a frat boy nope it's not that easy not a frat boy he's fucking jock no not that simple i don't even know the rules to football how about that i don't even know what's going on I think people get in trouble and the whistles blow and shit. I'm like, whoa, what happened? Who did what? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know what a point is.

Why are some things more points? Sometimes they run across the line at a certain point, but if it goes through the net, it's a different point, right? If it goes through the goals. Guess what? I don't give a fuck. You like, but you like fighting. Yeah, that's the only thing.

Well, that and professional pool, which most people- Oh, is that true? Boring as fuck, yeah. I like professional basketball. Do you? Yeah. Do you play basketball? I used to.

And I just like, it's a fun- Yeah, it's a very fast-paced game. Fast-paced, a lot of dudes. There's a rhythm to it. There's a lot of art to it. I love dudes nailing shit. I love a dude who fades back for a fucking three-point jump shot that just is all net. I love excellence in any form.

Yeah. But it doesn't mean anything to me when that ball goes in the net. I know it's really hard to do, though. So when I watch it, it's pretty badass. But it doesn't sustain me very long. What's funny is when you see, like you watch TV, and then you're around the people, and you just go, oh. When you go, you're sitting near the court or

whatever and you're just like oh i understand why they're paid 20 million dollars yeah because this is fucking weird they're weird to begin with and then they're they figured out this weird skill yeah uh i would assume mma is like that oh yeah for sure yeah where you see a guy fighting you're like meh and then you see me you're like all right what do you mean like if you see a guy fight on tape and then you kind of think one thing and then you see him fight live and you're like meh and then you see me you're like all right what do you mean like if you see a guy fight on tape and then you kind of think one thing and then you see him fight live and you're like okay i might be the only person that has seen more people fight live than seeing people fight that's i thought that as i was saying yeah i see do you not do a lot of prep well i do i'm why my prep really is what i would be doing anyway it's like i'm such a fanatic about uh mma

that i don't have to do any extra shit like and i ask them for shit like the ufc will get me shit all the time i'll say hey i need uh i need some video on like hennon barow or something like that i want to watch the videos so they'll uh they'll send me some shit so i'm like constantly being like fed stuff just out of my own curiosity right I want to see, I missed one of his fights in WEC. Can you send me Miguel Torres when he fought Brian Bowles? By doing that, that's natural for me. I want to see those. I'm always

breaking down fights in my head as far as fights that went on in the past. Are you good at predicting shit? I never really predict. It would have to be pretty over the top for me to predict. Not predict, but I'm good at predicting shit. Are you good at... I never really predict. But not predicting... It'd have to be pretty over the top for me to predict. Not predict, but I'm saying, like, do you... Are you surprised by most outcomes?

I'm surprised often. Yeah. I don't think I could... I don't think I could ever guess better than 50-50. I don't think it's... Maybe... Shit, maybe... I've never really thought about it.

I've never really... I try. I've never really said, I try to be as objective as possible. I'm trying to couch the Tyson Foreman Ali comparison. I don't make that ultimate decision. I try to be as objective as possible. And it's because I'm not betting. I don't have to make that ultimate decision. So what I do is

I sit down and I go, man, if Vitor gets him, Vitor's got some fast fucking hands. If Vitor comes out guns blazing, he might catch him. And then I go, but what if Vanderlei can get this motherfucker into the second round? And what if he starts landing some leg kicks? What if he can keep his hands up high and avoid the flurry and somehow or another wear Vitor out? What if he turns it into a dogfight?

And then you start going back and forth. But I don't know what's going to happen. I never say this is going to happen i only say this guy should probably be aware of this and that guy should probably be aware of that and let's fucking see yeah because it's such a crazy fucking sport the human jaw was never designed to be punched it was just designed to chew food that's it and when you start punching that motherfucker right and when you punch heads heads were designed to take a certain amount of impact for the lumps and bumps that you're going to get going through life but it's not designed to take one two three combinations with a fucking shin kick at the end of them right nobody takes

that your your brain's like what the fuck is happening? Are we hitting an asteroid field? What's going on here? Your body's just not designed for fighting. It's so weak. Especially in comparison to other animals, man. Are a lot of those guys getting concussed and long-term brain damage shit? There are guys

for sure that are going to have some issues with what they call pugilistic a dimension depending upon when they retire but you all you followed all the football guys yes it's scary it's fucking i don't i think that it's gonna i think it's gonna the sport will be different in five years how would they change it though i think that they will go someone pointed out just put the fucking a dip you know those the the helmets that uh soccer players now? No. They're not helmets. They're almost like, not fleeces. Soccer players wear helmets now?

There's a soccer goalie I saw yesterday wearing one. And little kids wear them too. Because kids are getting concussions from playing soccer. Yes. They're getting traumatic brain injuries from soccer. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Careers of soccer. That's happening.

But kids, yeah. So I saw a goalie in a match yesterday wearing one of those things. And I think that that's what football will come to. Wow. How is that going to stop the traumatic brain injuries? Because if you're not wearing a helmet, you're not going to go head first into a guy. So they won't be wearing helmets. They'll be wearing, in my head, they're wearing like soft, like whatever this, I don't know what the fuck they're called.

They're like soft like whatever this i don't know what the fuck they're called they're like they're like soft helmets meaning when guys wore leather so like the leather head guys yeah they weren't it wasn't as violent because they're protecting their heads i completely agree with you i completely agree with you in theory but people are so stupid i don't think you can sell that right but what i'm worried about is the legal ramifications for well that's one of the reasons why they probably couldn't sell it. You can never sell, hey, the way to protect people is to give them less protection. I think that when football players are now just suing the NFL en masse, I think that it's going to be a legal problem.

And I think the NCAA is going to have the same problem. I think every level of football is going to have it. They get fucked up down there too? Yeah. do right guys getting not diagnosed guys getting put back in games they can't remember i didn't even think about college ball i didn't even and high school i mean by the time they get to the pros they probably already experienced a gang of all of them and the other in high school as well like and and so that's the thing is like they're not going to be able to ensure this shit yeah if there's enough lawsuits. That's funny. Because for the few minutes of that conversation, I didn't even consider the fact that they had gone through college career as well.

I just, for whatever reason, thought of them as professional athletes. I wasn't even thinking, no, these guys, this is an organized sport. This isn't like MMA. They actually have to go through a high school career and then a college career. Yes. Think about all the impacts. That's all so violent. Woo!

Yeah. And just hope you can get enough out of your body that you can make enough money that you can squirrel away and live semi-comfortably in pain for the rest of your life when it's over. Yes. And that's the thing. A former athlete, it's like, you want to talk about needing a farm. Yeah.

I always do a joke with a buddy of mine who like if you lose like whenever i see a former athlete i always feel like they should be with a girl they should be saying to the girl like you should have been here eight years ago shit was really popping off them but now they're just limping and fucking yeah they're not famous they're hunched over they got their bodies are fucking shot yeah you can get hurt playing football man that's a that's a way more brutal sport on your body, in my opinion, than MMA. MMA is pretty rough. Don't get me wrong.

I mean, it's not working in an office. But MMA ain't fucking 48 minutes or however long. Well, more importantly, it's not dudes running at you. Full speed, yeah. Yeah, catching you. And then lunging their rock. Yeah, and they have special shoes. Launching themselves at you.

Special shoes so they can dig into the dirt better yeah come on man and they're on every goddamn mexican supplement known to man i mean these motherfuckers when they say that they test the nfl yeah they test if you talk shit and you get in an argument with somebody they'll fucking pull your piss out and and pull your card you think those guys aren't on the juice you got to be out of your mind. There's no way humans are that big. If they are, we need to find out what the fuck they're putting in burgers.

Yeah. Why have humans grown so much over the past few years? And not lost any speed. Over the past few decades. Yes! Not lost any speed! They're just as fast.

Well, for sure, there's better methods as far as training, and they're more scientific. Yeah, but they're not that much. I mean, that's the thing. It's not fucking, you can't be fucking 6 10 did you ever see bob sap no you never seen bob sap who is he bob sap was the ultimate mma experiment as far as like he was a football player pro football player who became the ultimate mma experiment in that how much can you do? How much shit can you do?

How big can you get? And would that overcome technique and skill? And the answer in a lot of cases was in the beginning, it was yes. He just knocked you down? He actually, he knocked, he beat Ernesto Hoost twice. Ernesto Hoost is this world famous kickboxer. Right. Bob Sapp is 370 pounds with six-pack of abs.

And a body that doesn't even look real. Right. Just doesn't look real. And he throws punches and kicks like a guy. Just runs at a guy. Rawr! But it's coordinated. Yeah.

I mean, fairly coordinated. I mean, he's clearly like many, many skill levels below Ernesto Hoos. But Ernesto Hoos just couldn't deal with the physical power of his onslaught. It was just too big. It was a 370 pound man just coming out. Those didn't exist before! They didn't exist! You can't get a guy that big! If you see him, I'm going to

pull it up because you just can't believe it. You won't believe that that's a real human being. You won't believe it. Yeah, so I'm of the mind that it's gonna it's gonna uh change you know those cryo chambers now oh yeah yeah i know dudes that like the couple nba guys the sun's actually just bought one yeah uh and a hyperbaric chamber no No. I don't think that's what it is. It's a cryogenic chamber. What? For what? Guys will freeze their... Kobe does it.

Dirk does it. The Suns just bought one. My buddy Blake Griffin does it, and he sent me a video. You get naked in a... Basically, it looks like just a chamber from Austin Powers. Come here real quick. Come here and look at this, because you can't believe this shit. He frees herself?

You can't believe that that's what he looks like when he fights guys. That's real. Look at that picture. That's real. That's real. That's like 6'4", 370 pounds, and he's fighting some poor kickboxer. Some poor dude is slinging gloves with that guy. And that's what he does.

He gets on top of him, holds him down, and smashes him. It's fucking insane. Yeah, he did that to Ernesto Hoost. I mean, you look at that image and you go, how is a human being that big? They've never existed that big before. Yeah. So you get into a chamber. It's negative 300 degrees.

Whoa. For how long? For like 30-second spurts for like two minutes 30 seconds yeah i don't know if it's 30 seconds i could be dead wrong it's some it's some and what happens is all of your blood your body thinks you're just freezing to death so all of your blood goes to your core and gets replenished in what would normally take 24 hours whoa so basically you can work out twice you can do two four-hour workouts full four-hour like rejuvenates your body i've never heard of this before cry i mean i'll split expansive cryogenic chamber cry or cry do cryotherapy, Kobe Bryant. There's one in, there's one in what, in like Hancock Park.

The guy has one. And the NBA teams are starting to use them. Well, you know, anything that can increase your recovery is where it's at. You know, wow. Freezes his body in negative 166 degree cryotherapy. That's what you say? Cryo? Cryotherapy.

Wow, yeah. First article about it. What the fuck, man? That's what you say? Cryo? Cryotherapy. Wow, yeah. First article about it. What the fuck, man? That's crazy. Yeah, and you just, it's like, it's fucking bananas. Bananas.

Wow. This is nuts, man. Let's see how long it says. They got recovery boots, which is something that they wear if they have, it basically is like

the, the, the thing that when you get your heart rate checked, when they blow it up, it inflates and tightens your muscles. The guys in the NBA wear those at night for a couple hours, and it just goes through their leg and just fucking, they're just machines. That's the thing is they just treat themselves like machines. Yeah, they have to be.

Okay, all the Lakers are going on this thing they went to sacramento go on this thing yeah wow jesus hold on i have video of it do you really yeah not a lot what if that shit breaks and that's how you some guy i heard some guy froze his socks to his feet but that sounds like that sounds made up how long it goes for. Oh, like if you had sweaty feet and you went in there? Oh, you crazy bitch. Could you imagine? Oh, you crazy motherfucker. Post-com trip. 200 degrees below zero, where they were kept there

for three minutes before being released. What? Three minutes? How's that possible? Because they don't do it straight through. I don't understand that. They do it in spurts so that you don't fucking freeze. Lakers were split into groups of four and placed into a room that was approximately 60 degrees below Fahrenheit for one minute. Okay, so they went to a 60 degree below zero room for one minute.

Just to chill. Just to chill. room for just a chill just a chill once their bodies got used to the cold climate the players walked into an adjacent room where the temperature was approximately 200 degrees below zero where they were kept there for three minutes before being released all right jesus fucking christ i would not want to do that how is that that possible? All right, here's Blake. Oh, my God. If you hit play. So if you tried to pee right after that,

would your shit be like slushy? Who is this gentleman? That's Blake Griffin from the Los Angeles Clippers. Oh, my God. He's freezing his dick off, literally. Look at that. Can you insulate your dick? How does that work?

I don't think you can. Grease it up? think you can grease it up see maybe you can grease it up I'm just worried about it cracking you mean you put like motor oil on it I'm worried about it cracking

like you know like if someone hit you and it just shattered and they couldn't repair your dick yeah no but you see when it hits he goes like woo

yeah that looks horrendous it looks like some Austin Powers shit it looks horrendous it looks and I guess they don't do it to the brain though

huh uh yeah I guess keep your head the fuck out yeah it keeps the body uh under that thing but they don't do it to the brain and i think that might be the key to your survival that's how you're getting through that this is crazy because you could probably go for that long without much oxygen you're not going to be doing too much breathing while you're at 200 degrees below zero. That's the thing about cold water that fucks people up too. Your desire for oxygen increases

dramatically and your ability to hold air in your lungs reduces dramatically. These are the recovery boots. He's 6'10". Whoa. They look like fucking... I don't even know how to describe those.

I've seen those before. Ryan Parsons turned me on to that shit. It's like compressing. Yeah, it compresses sections of your leg. I've seen that before. It looks like a fucking ski bag. Yeah, these guys are athletes on a just completely different level these days.

And what happens if they come up with genetic engineering man that's that's when things are really going to get bizarre when they have the ability to engineer the body to make it faster or to make it you know the with myostatin inhibitors make it so that your body produces more muscle and stay keeps on you and your well that's what i actually thought better yeah actually the thought where where when I was talking to Jose Canseco, who was on the podcast The Champs. How was that? You said he was interesting. He was really interesting. It just went up.

I was thinking... I had the thought afterward that they should have done a thing in the MLB where you could have a designated juicer where there was one guy on your team that you could bring in who was on fucking roids. And then they could have one pitcher that was on roids.

Because he was saying that he used to knock Andy Pettit, a pitcher, up, and they were both juiced up. So it'd be like, and here comes the fucking Yankees juicer. If there was a guy on every team, you could have one juicer. When I was 19, I met Canseco when I was working at the Boston Athletic Club. I didn't meet him as much as I gazed upon his presence in person. And it was at the peak of his popularity. And he walked into the weight room at the Boston Athletic. I couldn't fucking believe how big he was.

Yeah. He was fucking enormous, man fucking believe how big he was. Yeah. He was fucking enormous, man. He's just cartoonish. Yeah. Car fucking toonish. You don't realize it when you see him in those baseball outfits. Yeah. Because those outfits are kind of emasculating.

Yeah. But if you saw that dude with a tank top on, you'd go, what the fuck? Yeah. You'd be like, what am I? Yeah. What am I? How am I? Yeah.

He's enormous. But yeah, that's the, these, yeah, just they fucking, once they get into that, because this is, that's genetic. That's all legal. You're just freezing your, but they're going to, it's going to get more and more and more and it's going to be, still remain legal. Right. Yeah, it is going to get more and more.

Did you see that thing now where they said if you run differently, you can cut your training time down, where if you run in 30-second sprints? Did you see that? It was in the New York Times, and then a guy just wrote a book about it. You can burn the same amount of calories and get your metabolism going and get your heart rate going in basically six minutes, what would normally take 20. If you sprint for 30 seconds, jog for 30. Sprint, jog, sprint, jog, sprint, jog, sprint, jog, and you're done.

Really? Yeah. Because you're getting your heart rate up is the big thing, right? Yeah. It was in the Times probably six weeks ago. So you sprint full clip? Yeah. So do you do this on a treadmill or do you do this on a track?

You can do it either. I mean, I think treadmill would be better. I guess you could probably do it on an elliptical machine too, right? Just go crazy for 30 seconds and then jog. Yeah. That is great because it fucking saved time. Yeah. That makes sense.

You know, like you were saying about kettlebells, you can bang out a workout and get it done. In 20 minutes, you're done. I got a video, man, and it's Extreme Kettlebell Cardio DVD. I got it from dragondoor.com and when you do this this thing it's maybe i can get 45 minutes into this and i'm fucking dead i'm done man yeah and you're in great shape there's one i do that's uh like there's it's kettlebells push-ups burpees but if you tell somebody they go how long is your workout like 45 minutes max

that's all i can do they're like that's all you can do yeah that was the gym for fucking two hours did my lats did the yeah and then but you also don't even know what you ever do the thing with kettlebells where you're like why is that sore i didn't even fucking do anything yeah like and you're like your lower thigh will be sore and you're just like i guess i did something it makes it use yeah turkish get-ups you ever do those is that the one that looks really stupid you know you line your back and you do like a like a press i think that's the one where you go and then you stand up it's stupid as fuck it's the best thing no it looks really hard but you just lay on your back with a weight and then you just slowly stand up let me tell you something dude do that with 70 pounds hold that hold and then you just slowly stand up. Let me tell you something, dude. Do that with 70 pounds.

Hold 70 pounds up and slowly stand up and do it in a controlled manner and do it for sets of 10. Woo, doggy jet. Oh, no, I'm not doing that. Woo, doggy. I'm not doing that. Your body will be on fire. Your lower back and your abs and everything, your arm, your shoulder, everything's on fire. Have you been doing kettlebells, or did Ferris get you on them?

No, I've been doing them for years. I've been doing them for a long time. I got into them. My friend Jamie was a personal trainer, and he was real big on these fucking things. I'd never even heard of him before. We started just doing swings. Just kettlebell swings.

Yeah. Amazing. That's what's great for your ass. Yeah. That's what took my ass from a 3.5 to a 7. How many do you do? What do you do? How do you do it fucking three sets of 60 yeah oh you do lightweight and just do a lot of them do you ever do body weight uh no but i also it's i am i am only 150 pounds so if i do 30 pounds right that's a lot yeah it's not lightweight it's like something you're doing reps of 60 no that's a lot yeah um but uh body weight squats body weight

squats they're amazing man they're called hindu squats if you look at it online just google uh hindu squats on youtube but you uh it's just full body weight you drop down and you're actually heels come off the ground you're on the tip of your toes and your ass and your your um ankles collide and then you stand all the way up so you drop all the way down and all the way up and you if you watch it online you can see like there's a lot of videos that'll show you the correct way to do it it's real simple but once you understand the movement then it's all about just doing massive numbers of them trying to get as how many what's it i do a set of 200 it took a long time to get there though i started would be 100 and I would have to stop. I could do

200 before but I had to take like a break. But now I can do 200 straight. 200 is hard but I'm doing 210 now. That's my next thing. I want to do 210. I want to build up to 500. That's what I want to eventually do. That's a lot. Yeah. But I think that's possible. I think it's a good demonstration

of willpower too. It's a good exercise for me. Because I like to disassociate when I'm doing repetitive exercise things that can cause you to second guess yourself. About the exercise? Yeah, about the exercise. About quitting. Intense physical. Nobody's in my room.

Nobody's screaming at me. I don't have a drill sergeant. It's just me. So the way I motivate myself is I make myself do shit where i have to silence that voice of quitting where there's no getting through it unless we do 400 is right that's what we're doing there's nothing there's nothing just concentrate on the number and keep going there is no quitting it doesn't exist and as long as i never quit when i'm doing that then that is just my modus operandi that's how that's how i operate

and uh i i do it as like an exercise of that's how i quit smoking about negative shit yeah just i know now if i smoke one cigarette i'm gonna smoke 10 000 so i just gotta stop how long did you smoke for 10 years i was just like i'm never smoking i just made the decision i'm never smoking again how much better did you feel when you stopped uh it was 10 years ago so was just like, I'm never smoking. I just made the decision, I'm never smoking again. How much better did you feel when you stopped? It was 10 years ago, so I don't even remember. But yeah, you feel way better. More energy, more everything. And you just go like, okay, I'm not going to smoke again.

Somebody talk to poor Brian. Poor Brian. Someone's got to tell him to quit smoking. You smoking? Mm-hmm. Just decide not to, man. You're right. He won't listen to you. He doesn't care.

He's positive. He's never getting cancer. There's no worries. I use it for my voice. Keeps him sexy. My voice, yeah. And actually I use it for meals. Like today, I'm not even going to have a chance to eat today. That's a good move. That's for sure healthy.

Now that I agree with. You won't even be able to fight off the cancer. That's something I can get behind. Your body's not even going to be healthy enough to fight off the cancer because you use it as a dietary aid. Yeah. I got to take a leak. I got to take the king of all leaks. All right, go ahead.

And we'll talk about you where you're going. Go ahead. And we'll wrap this shit up as soon as you get back. Because we've been doing it for like two and a half hours, right? Yeah. We have a nice house show. Oh, yeah. We're in Pasadena in a as soon as you get back. Because we've been doing it for like two and a half hours, right? Yeah, we have a nice off show in two hours. Oh, yeah, we're in Pasadena in a couple hours, if you're around, if you're not crazy or a stalker.

Can't wait to see Tom Segura again. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a while. Tom Segura's the shit. He's a great guy. Fort Lauderdale this weekend. Saturday night is essentially sold out. I think there was a few tickets left for the early show, but those might be gone. Saturday Night is essentially sold out.

I think there was a few tickets left for the early show, but those might be gone. And the Friday show has some tickets left, and the Sunday show has some tickets left. But they're going fast. It should be a good time, too. I'm with Duncan, and Duncan's been in the fucking groove. I took him with me to the Louisville Improv and it was amazing.

First of all, he was getting like standing ovations going on stage. Is he doing hobo? Which is crazy. He didn't do the little hobo once. He crushed it though.

He's got a lot of new material too. Duncan is just, he's so fun to be with. He's so prolific too. He's going to be a great comedian now. I mean,

he's already a great comedian but I mean, I think he's going to be like a great national headliner. Until he meets that next girl. You think that's going to get him but I think he's going to be a great national headliner. You think that's going to get him? You think that's going to get him? He has a poster for sale. Go to his website and buy it. It's awesome. I have one in the

studio. DuncanTrussell.com. T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. There's still some tickets available for next Friday's late show at the Tabernacle in Atlanta. I got two shows. I'm filming my special. I'm fucking fired up.

Who's all going? April 20th. Joey Diaz, Duncan Trussell. Are you going? Yeah. Okay. Did they get your tickets and everything already?

You're all set? Yeah. Mike Maxwell actually made a poster and he's going as well. You could buy that poster I think on MikeMaxwellArt.com You can find him on Twitter. He'll be there tonight, too. I'm going to sign some pictures.

Are we doing dates right now? Yeah, Mike Maxwell Art on Twitter. You can find the link to his website, and on his website, you can find the link to the poster. It looks dope. He's a killer artist. He did my poster for the Chicago show. I think he still has a few of those available, too.

He's amazing. Great art and a great guy. Really fun guy to hang out with. So I'm psyched that he's going to be there in Atlanta. Good vibes. And can I say my thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Joey Diaz are coming to Columbus, Ohio.

The first show sold out, so they added a second show May 17th. And then May 18th. You're in the woodlands? Yeah. Great. It's a good room. It's a good room, right? Yeah.

May 18th, I think we're in Cleveland. And then May 19th, Pittsburgh. The tickets are at DeathSquad. Great. It's a good room. It's a good room, right? Yeah. May 18th, I think we're in Cleveland. May 19th, Pittsburgh. The tickets are at DeathSquad.TV. Now, what is the Woodlands? What is that? This kid, it's like just a bar, but it's got a good room for stand-up. Yeah, it's got a pretty decent room. Good showroom for stand-up, yeah.

Nice. It's like a Doug Stanhope room. That's where that kind of plays. And they're doing a lot of comedy there? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, this kid Dylan Shelton books it, and he does good shows. Columbus has a bit of a comedy scene, right? Mostly because of the punchline.

Mostly because people want to die there, and they just want to laugh. Wow. Is it that bad? If you were to go, I'd know. Columbus isn't, dude, I was just in Ohio. I was in Cincinnati. That shit was pretty grim. Yeah.

Cincinnati's grim. And Chappelle lives in Cincinnati. That shit was pretty grim. Yeah, Cincinnati's grim. And Chappelle lives in Ohio. He was so bored that he's like, dude, why don't you return your rental car so I can drive her from Cincinnati to Cleveland? I was like, that's all right, man. Why does he live there? Because his family's there. It's a nice place for family.

It's nice. Yeah, it's like raising kids is a good place. But he's just like, what are you- Not a good place for you, though. I just don't like the weather. But if you were to do go there joe like dating way over your head it's just really difficult to do there yeah you can't do that yeah they're all nobody's in good shape yeah they're all in bad shape it's a few of them i mean yeah they got boyfriends they'll all come to the show and they're locked up you know guys since we're talking about dates uh What, Neil Brennan?

Are you performing tomorrow? Tomorrow, Thursday, April 12th through 14th, I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana. The Comedy Attic. I would love to see you. The Comedy Attic in Bloomington, Indiana. Is there a website for this joint? ComedyAttic.com. ComedyAttic?

Attic. A-T-T-I-C. Oh, Attic. Oh. Yeah, ComedyAttic. ComedyAttic.com. Okay, Paul-I-C. Oh, Attic. Oh. Yeah, Comedy Attic. ComedyAttic.com. Okay, Paul. April, but it doesn't end there.

April 19th through 21st. That's next week. I'm going to be at the Stress Factory in New Brunswick, New Jersey. Wow. Guys, with Vinnie Brand, 19th through 21st. Great room. Great club. Great club.

Charlotte, May 3rd through 5th. The Comedy Zone in Charlotte. Don't you have a website, motherfucker? Just give out the website. What? You're not going to remember all this shit. NeilBrennan.com. I'm coming to La Jolla, Denver, Charlotte.

He's going to lead off his whole goddamn thing. Neil Brennan's fucking Bloomington. Well, you guys fucking... If he kept going, he would have let him... Fuck you guys. Fuck you, Joe Rogan. We let him keep going. We'd be here for days.

You're talking about your posters. Yeah, MikeMaxwellArt.com. Anything else? Seriously? Mm-mm. NeilBrennan.com. Denver, La Jolla. Yeah, MikeMaxwellArt.com Anything else? Seriously? Mm-mm NeilBrennan.com Denver, La Jolla Yeah, NeilBrennan.com

And follow me on Twitter You doing the Comedy Store in La Jolla? Yeah Fabulous room One of the best One of my favorite rooms Maybe my favorite room in the world It might be

It might be one of the best rooms I really want to record an album there Yeah, a lot of people did Because it feels like 1978 there It does Nick DiPaolo recorded his album there Did he really? Yeah, yeah, it's great One of his first there. Did he really? Yeah, it's great.

It was his first one, I believe. He recorded it there. It's great. The acoustics are perfect. Yeah, it's easy, too. But it's easy, but it doesn't feel cheap. It feels like we're just in a good mood. You didn't know Fred.

You never met Fred. I think Fred's dead. He used to run that place. They fired him Some I don't know Some accounting discrepancy Or something But he was great

He was a comedian And he ran the place And he developed Like a lot of local comedians Were coming there too They had a nice local scene I think they still do Yeah I think they do

Yeah It's probably One of the few local scenes In San Diego There's another club A new club They just opened one Yeah what is it The American Comedy Company Is that what it is I think that's I heard good things It's probably one of the few local scenes in San Diego. There's another club, a new club. They just opened one.

Yeah, what is it? The American Comedy Company or something? Is that what it is? I think that's what it is. I heard good things. Yeah, I haven't heard anything. Dude, San Diego's needed a real comedy club for a while. Yeah. Every time I go, I do like House of Blues or something like that.

San Diego? Yeah. I like the Comedy Store. It's a good room. No, it's a great room, but it's not in San Diego. Yeah. It's close enough. It's close.

You know what I mean. But the problem is it's the Comedy Store. I can't work there. Right. Sure you can. You fucked up. You fucked up, Rogan. You fucked up.

Sure you can. I'm here to tell you, you still can't work there. I probably could if I wanted to. No, I think you're right. But I can't work there. I'll tell you what. I think we should just get drunk and then one night just pop in there out of the blue. What, do you want to go to jail?

And jump on the OR. Do you want to go to jail? They will let on the OR. Do you want to go to jail? They will let you in. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, they will. I'm not even interested. I have zero desire. But thank you very much.

That place represents. Your name's on the marquee at the Laugh Factory right now, Jim. Holla. Right next to me, Joe. Where? Laugh Factory? No. No?

No. No. You're not Jimmy Brogan? I'm kidding. Somebody send me a picture with your name and my name. Where? The Laugh Factor. No.

I don't have a show scheduled there. I haven't been there in over a decade. Yeah. I don't think you've ever been there since I've known you. Yeah, I haven't been there in over a decade. Not that it's a bad club. No, no, no. I'm just trying to think why it's there.

I stopped going to the Laugh Factor when it got serious at the comedy store. When I was regularly at the comedy store, Mitzi asked me to not go there anymore. I forget. It wasn't Mitzi. It was Scott Day, actually. You know, did I tell you about this? How Sam Tripoli started doing the naughty show at the comedy store,

and it started getting kind of popular. And then what's his face at the Laugh Factory started doing the comedy, doing the naughty show also. And so Sam went to him and was like, why are you? He calls it the naughty show? Yeah, and he's like, why are you doing it? And he's like, oh, I used to do naughty show also and he's his his uh so sam went to him was like why are you calls of the naughty yeah and he's like what are you doing he's like oh i used to do naughty show in the 80s and i'm like yeah but you're only brought it back because we just started it back up here jimmy brogan sorry yeah it was jimmy oh okay back up so what you're saying is the dude is doing another podcast and no no no another podcast doing another another live comedy show with strippers and everything like that called the naughty show yeah the naughty show and it's it's doors down from the

comedy store where sam now does it well i want to be honest with you i think that's a terrible name and i think it only serves sam right that he picks such a stupid name for his show right what he really should do is use this opportunity to come up with something that doesn't suck and that way some guy can't just gank it. I think you should call it Sex Squad. I think we get out on that.

The Naughty Show is a fun show to go to but that's a terrible goddamn name. Well, it's just kind of basic. It's nothing. It means nothing.

It should just be called Naughty. The Sam Tripoli Happy Party. Yeah, something like Sam Tripoli. He should be using it to blow up himself. should just be called Naughty. The Sam Tripoli Happy Party. Yeah, something like Sam Tripoli. He should be using it to blow up himself, not the Naughty Show. I agree. It should be Sam Tripoli's House of Fun.

That would be just as good. And by the way, still use the same mailing list, dude. We'll promote it, all right? Sam, we're going to help you out of this mess. Fuck Jamie Masato. Let him have that shit. Buddy, I was doing it in the 80s. That's probably what he said to you. Buddy, I had Naughty Show in the 80s that's probably what he said to you buddy i had i had

not this show in the 80s let him have it dude just like you should have let those girls have sex squad let him have let him have it it sucks i think he'll i think he'd better be choke on it let him know everywhere they go that they could never have had it without you how about that the scrum cap is the name of that thing i was trying to describe oh i know what you're talking about a rugby yeah i wear one of those jujitsu it's got little pads on yeah but it's mostly to cover my ears yes yeah um yeah you'll die in that those fucking giant dudes smashing but not if you're not if they're not wearing play you're not going to get people to adjust you're going to have to ever raise a whole new generation yeah they will they're going to

have to have helmeted and non-helmeted. But then there's going to be that one thick-headed dude like some big Samoan guy who just wants to headbutt people. Why are you throwing me under the bus about the sex squad thing? I'm not throwing you under the bus. You said you wanted to do the first episode and you told me to do it. I think you should have no

negative feelings out there. I agree with that. This girl's, look, for whatever reason, she's got a lot of issues. Let's not talk about it. Yeah. I just think that could have been avoided.

And you could have come off like a bigger person. That's all I'm saying. But... But you're the one that's going to do it. You're absolutely right. Listen.

Brian, you're not being honest about that. No, you said... I said, I'll do your new show. No, you said, you need to do one ASAP and I'll be the first person on it and i was like okay you know what that was before i found out the other girl came up with the name no i told you that too i was the first one that told you that no no no no no no no no you told me later you told me later you absolutely told me later because it was in because i had to give you a wait a minute wait a minute that girl

you hit him with a wait a minute yeah no i told you that the first time you might have thought you did but you didn't no i did brian because i've never not said i didn't come up the name you call me a liar what are you saying joe this is poor social skills all right never mind there's what are you asian that's not talking about so tonight ice house chronicles starts at 8 30 you're being a silly person okay i think you should let those girls have that name. I mean, I think... Come up with a better name. They should rot in hell. They live in the hell of their own consciousness if they're angry at you.

That's right. You don't want that, buddy. You don't want her out there with a voodoo doll. Because she'd be putting the pins all around your dick. No, I just don't even want to talk about them ever again. Give her a big hug. What would be a better name than Sex Squad, Neil? You're a creative guy.

You were the co-creator what if you had a show let's stop it i don't want to talk about your own podcast with hot chicks and what would you what would you call it i think he's got it i i like the squad angle because it's a death squad and it's about sex and it's a podcast about sex i know let's let's talk about something else how about the cunt posse no no hmm how about the we like cock patrol yeah that i'm with no no are you still there hmm it's funny that so many podcasts are gonna try to lean in on that porn angle though isn't it it's interesting it's like a natural angle we've we've had porn it makes it's hard to have a bad we had sasha gray on she's with a black

dude uh and uh it was it's fucking interesting she's fascinating because she's actually smart yeah dana d'amato smart too she's crazy but she's fun she's very smart we had her on yeah sasha's like a regular cool chick yeah isn't that weird yeah regular cool chick that somehow or another is missing this fuse yeah where she can just go taking the ass in front of the world yeah what's weird is it's the oldest formula in radio having a porn star on on a show you know as like a guest like howard stern you know open anthony any kind of local radio station will always have a porn star on but that was even before you actually got to see it which is crazy yeah so now you got like you stream we're doing like the other naughty show we

had the other day we had full-on nudity i had to take it off you stream because it was just ridiculous how dare they would they do dirty bitches trying to get you arrested by the way you might get arrested for shit like that you have to really be careful when you get those crazy bitches and they start fingering each other you can go to jail for that is that true fuck yeah you can't just put like broadcast Sam Tripoli's not a show. First of all, Ustream will pull you because they don't want to get sued. But if someone finds out that you're projecting, if they find out that there's any sort of significant percentage of people on Ustream that are showing people fucking, oh my God.

Here's a question. Because they actually weren't really too much of the nudity, but they took these stickers and put it on their boobs, and then they did the whole podcast with the stickers on the boob. Oh, that's fine. You think that's fine?

That's fine. That's one of those weird double standard things. That's so weird. The boob meat is fine. Yeah, boob meat is fine but you got to cover the nipple. Yeah, and I think

you only need to cover the point of the nipple. I think you could show some areola. Show areola. Really? If you have a star over the nipple itself

but the circle of the areola behind the star is very clear, I think it's still okay. It's so nuts. We're so crazy. Human beings are so bizarre. Excuse me, Americans. American human beings, yeah. When it comes to sex, we're so nuts.

You could put a star over the nipple. Well, how about even this? How about girls who are allowed to wear body paint? They're fucking naked. They're naked, but because they're blue, it's okay. I wonder if you could put a nipple sticker on top of a nipple. Do you know what I mean? Like a sticker with a picture of a nipple on it.

With like an ape nipple. I saw a photo from a friend of mine's Halloween party that he had a few years back where a bunch of girls came over with body paint on. And like one girl's tits were dogs. Right. But they were tits. Right. They were just tits with paint on them.

Yeah. And every girl knew it. And he said, girls that were there that were dressed normal were so fucking pissed. Yeah. They were so angry. They're like, who are these fucking whores? Yeah. Like, we don't know that you're naked, you stupid bitch.

Yeah. And you get fucking paint on your tit and you think that that's okay? Being shown up. It was amazing. What about mannequin nipples? It's the best party

you ever went to. What about mannequin nipples because now I got those mannequins and they all have big nipples. No, those are totally kosher. Yeah, it's not even real. It's like, you know, animated.

If you drew an animated nipple, what are you going to say? Nobody could say anything, I don't think. I don't think that even counts as pornography. Right. It's definitely not mannequins, man.

I mean, the mannequins, it's not like a sex toy like if you had like a real doll in the background and you could see the real doll's tit right that's probably that's tricky but not a mannequin right yeah but even the fact that it's like i i actually asked this to a bunch of a female audience one time like if there were robots like good robots in the future and you you caught your husband fucking a robot would you be mad right and they were like yeah and i was like but what if it looked like if it was like a real doll and i was like what if it looked like the terminator right they had no problem with it yeah i think as long as there's an ugly robot well that's why people are weirded out if you fuck a fleshlight,

but they're not weirded out if you masturbate. You actually fuck something, a physical object, it has to be awesome. It can't be a fake pussy in a tube. What is that? What are you doing? What if in the future you had a robot that looked exactly like yourself, but that you fucked? I agree.

It's not gay at all. I don't want to impose my sexuality on the rest of the world and I don't want to treat women as objects so I would never have a fake woman so in having a fake me essentially what I'm doing is I'm taking the hit I'm taking the hit myself

with a vagina and I'm just knowing that if I was in jail with me I'd be a bro I'd let you fuck me that would be so weird seeing yourself fuck yourself. Do they have? How about kissing yourself? What if your fake robot

has like an awesome tongue? It's like, oh, I love kissing you. You're pushing your own head down. You sucked it. Yeah. All right, I'll suck your dick. I'm your robot.

It's me, bro. It's me. It's me, dude. How do you like it? Oh, I know how you like it. I'm you. And on that note, Brian, I'm sorry if you feel like i threw you under the

bus with the sex squad thing i didn't mean to buddy i don't want you to have any hard feelings i'm just trying to eliminate negativity in all of our lives i hear you brother and uh that's why i never had a bad time with either one of those girls i've always had fun with them they're always nice to me so i hate to see something that i think could have been possibly avoided by just a nice phone call right Joe hey man I don't know what the fuck happened for real I just there's no need there's a lot of real beefs out there in this world there's a lot of real drama

you don't need to unnecessary white word alright you fucking dirty freaks that's the end of this week this whole week of podcasts Fort Lauderdale Improv this weekend with Duncan Trussell Thursday, Friday. No, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

We'll be back next week with at least one podcast, but next week I'm filming my special in Atlanta. Are you really? Congrats, man. Thank you. The Tabernacle on Friday, so I'm going to be concentrated on that almost more than anything. That's it. Love you guys. See you soon. Bye-bye. Did you do the commercials? Oh, yeah. I right. Love you guys. See you soon. Bye-bye. Bye.

Did you do the commercials? Oh, yeah. Oh, I got to do commercials. Oh, yeah. Onnit.com has a new, we have a new thing for the next 30-something hours. The promo code is CRAVE, and you get 21% off. Go to, thanks to the Fleshlight, go to Fleshlight.com,com enter in Rogan get 10% off and on it.com is also

code word Rogan and you get no fleshlight you get 15% on it you get 10 but forget that Rogan code

use the crave code and you get 21% off boom there that's it you dirty freaks we'll see you tonight at the ice house

see you this weekend in Fort Lauderdale see you next week some strange podcast and then the tabernacle jihad to you all We'll see you tonight at the Ice House. See you this weekend in Fort Lauderdale. See you next week. Some strange podcast. And then the Tabernacle. Jihad to you all.