The Joe Rogan Experience - #2061 - Whitney Cummings

Episode Date: November 10, 2023

Whitney Cummings is a stand-up comic, actor, author, and host of the podcast "Good for You." Her new comedy special "Mouthy," will have its exclusive premiere via OFTV on Nov. 15, 2023.https://whitneycummings.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Could that have do's labor, getting in a cold plunge, eight months pregnant? Ask Jamie, he would know. Jamie, get on that. I'm sure there's a Reddit forum for that. Last time I tried.

Last night with those smelling salts, people doing the smelling salts i was like if i even inhale that i feel like i'm gonna start crowning yeah it's very funny how those smelling salts have made their way from the studio to now at the at the club everybody's doing smelling salts between the kratom and the smelling salts i'm like i feel like you gotta keep the kratom away from duncan That motherfucker drinks cases of that stuff. It's so crazy. We get there. And is kratom naturally

occurring? It's like a It's a plant. That stuff is live free or whatever it's called. What are those things called, Jamie? What is it called? Live free? Something like that? I don't know.

But they used to have them at Sun Life. You know that place? Organics? Yeah. But then you're not supposed to drink. They're that big. And you're supposed to drink a half a bottle. But they're not clear.

So you have to kind of hold it up to the light to see where half is. You got to guess what half is. And a lot of people were just drinking the whole thing and they were getting fucked up. Yeah, there was a time when you were out of town and I was at the mothership and everyone was doing like four or five things. I was like, you guys, when Joe leaves, we can't all just get addicted to drugs. Like when you're out of town, it is a little different up there. Well, it's kind of an opiate. I don't know.

What exactly is kratom? And it kind of is an opiate. It's legal? Well, it's kind of an opiate. I don't know. What exactly is kratom? And it's legal? It's legal? Yeah, it's legal. Totally. I had a guy that was on my podcast once that used to be an opiate addict, and then he started taking kratom. And they were selling it as pills. And he said, well, if you take a small amount of it, it actually acts as like a stimulant. But if you take a larger amount of it, it's a effect i said how many do you take he says i take 10 i go you take 10 he goes i take 10 before i work out i'm like okay i'll try it so i took 10 and i was high as fuck it's a weird high because it's like i felt like um you know, I'm pretty aware of my body. So I'm like my motor skills feel perfect.

I don't feel like anything's wrong. I feel like I could go do stuff. Like I'm not like drunk or anything like that. I go, but I'm definitely affected. So what is this? Like would this affect judgment? Would this affect your reaction time? Like I shouldn't drive like this.

But pain tolerance down, that's probably good for working out. I guess. Is it, though? I did kind of used to like to smoke weed and work out. I like smoking weed and working out. Yeah. Well, smoking weed and working out makes me feel like I know what my muscles are doing. Yeah, you, like, feel every – focusing more.

Yeah, I feel the fibers and shit. You know what it's really good for? Technique. Like when you learn martial arts technique, like there's certain things about like kicking a bag in particular. When I'm not, when I haven't smoked weed, I mean, I've

been doing it my whole life, so I know how to do it. But then, if I smoke weed, I feel like where the little leverage points are i feel like where the torque comes in i feel like the i feel the weight distribution it's like just you're more sensitive just more present in your body yeah it makes you so much better at pool it makes my pool game like yeah like there's a term in pool like a ball like say if we were playing nine ball and you were better than me you would give me the eight ball that means like it's a big advantage to have the eight ball that means i don't just

win by winning by making the nine ball i can make the nine ball or the eight ball so that's like it gives you a ball that means so like when I smoke pot, I'm one ball better. Like legitimately. I'm like 10% better easily. Maybe more. Is there any in pool like shade on taking Adderall or smoking weed or there's no like no one cares? Yeah, people talk shit about you, but they all do it. Right.

Like pool players are notorious drug addicts. Cocaine's probably great for pool. I've met more. I didn't even know drugs. I didn't really understand drug culture when I started hanging around in pool halls. Because I had gone from being a fighter to being a comedian. So in fighting, there's no drinking, no partying, no nothing. All throughout high school, I was like, very rarely did I imbibe in anything.

I was all just about competition. And then I started hanging out with comedians. And the ones that were doing drugs, like, God, their life was falling apart. And then I started hanging out in this pool hall. And they were all doing drugs. Everybody was doing something. There was guys doing heroin. There was guys that were crack addicts.

One of my best friends was a crack addict. Have you seen this video where Boozy the rapper is endorsing crack over fentanyl? Have you seen? Dude, it's so. Oh, it's a good point. Crackheads live. He's like, my crackhead friends I've known for 20 years. He's like, they're around.

They can do anything. They have powers. Well, you know, crack is just cocaine. It's just another way. And you just cooked. Yeah, it's freebasing cocaine. And the scary thing is, even though we know that, it's one of the most racist laws that's ever been enacted. Racist laws that's ever been enacted where the difference between the

The sentencing for someone who gets caught with crack Versus someone who gets caught with an equivalent amount of cocaine. It's like a giant disparity Deon Sanders say this too. Oh, I don't know who that is That's it's a boozy BOS Now my cousin, June Bull, he was a crackhead and a good dude, though. But he was very athletic because he was still stuffed when I came home from college. Couldn't ever catch him. Couldn't ever catch him.

And he was selling. And I would have to go get it back at the hood from the drug dealers. He was probably the most athletic, my cousin, June Bull. But next to that, I think it was Bo. His cousin Junebug. Imagine there's some dude out there, Junebug the crackhead, that's more athletic than a guy who is widely regarded as being one of the most athletic humans that's ever lived. And then the boozy one is.

But Junebug's more athletic than Bo Jackson. What the fuck? Junebug, the Burt Kreischer of the hood. There was this dude I used to talk, I've talked about him many times, but his name was Waterdog. That was his nickname. Or they would call him Buffalo Bill. And he was this pool player. And he would do heroin.

So he would go into the bathroom and shut the door. And he'd be in there for 20 minutes. And everybody knew what he was doing. And then he'd go out and he'd sit on a bar stool like this with his hands in front of him like a bird. T-Rex, yeah. Yeah, and just like this. And he would sit there for like 20 minutes,

and then he would get down, and he had like gerbil eyes, they're like black eyes, and he couldn't miss. He would play pool, he just wouldn't miss. He just couldn't miss. Like he knew how much time he needed for it to calibrate and then he could he was so accurate it was stunning he had no nerves that's wild he didn't feel anything because pool is gambling and gambling the reason why it's called it's pocket billiards is the name of the game but pool is pooling money together to gamble so like like the real pool players, almost all of them gambled. And takes away inhibition, so you're not. He had no fear.

He had no nerves. He would just fire these balls into the hole. And it's like really tight pocketed table playing for like $10,000. And I was like, this is nuts. I wonder what it's like. I've never done heroin. Must be pretty awesome if people are trading their kids for it. and I was like this is nuts I wonder what it's like I've never done heroin must be pretty awesome if people are trading

their kids for it yeah I got morphine when I had my knee surgery once it was like by the way if you hear me and I sound funny ladies and gentlemen I just got out of a cold plunge I just got out so I'm like so if I sound like I'm on heroin

I'm just cold but doing heroin it takes all your So I'm like, so if I sound like I'm on heroin, I'm just cold. I want to do it. What was I saying? Doing heroin, it takes all your fears away. The inhibitions, when you did methadone? Oh, yes. So, no, it was morphine.

I wonder what methadone's like in comparison to... Isn't methadone basically Adderall? Like, we've done Adderall. I think it's like a kind of an opiate, but it doesn't get you high. It just makes you stupid. I don't know. We can go to San Francisco and get some. I think you can just walk in now. It's pretty easy to get.

You don't even have to have a prescription. There's a drive-thru now. I had a knee surgery, and when I was in the hospital, they had me on a morphine drip. And apparently, this is in the 90s. I don't know if they still do this. But you could hit a button, and when you hit a button, you would get more morphine. And it was wonderful. It was wonderful.

Have we ever done fentanyl at the doctor? If I've gotten a surgery, have I done fentanyl? Or is that propofol? Propofol. Propofol is the stuff that puts you under. Fentanyl is a prescription drug, though. They give people fentanyl patches. There's prescription.

It's just so strong. What is it, like 100 times stronger than heroin or something? You want to see the boozy talk about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so epic. Play. Play. People, just stop taking fentanyl and go back to crack.

Crack. I'm promoting it. Fitting all, killing all the junkies who been junkies. I'm telling you, it's killing the junkies who been junkies for forever. Yes. Soon as they hit it, they dead. Right. Crackhead, this nigga shoot threes.

This nigga shoot basketball. This nigga run a hundred miles. This nigga get sang. This nigga fix your car motor. He's making logical sense people for 30 years true then he hit fentanyl two times he's gone you never see him again right i promote crack before fentanyl i'm sorry right and you know he's right but by the way he's saying that, and he looks fabulous. He says they have power. Anything, bro. And they're still smoking crack, and they're still together.

They can do anything, bro. Crack head, bro. Whatever was in crack, they gave them real power. Did you ever see the video of the crack head with the kangaroo? No, I ain't seen it. He goes, you ever seen the video of the Kraken with the kangaroo? Covered in diamonds, designer sunglasses on, multicolored puma. Kraken was not killing people the same way.

He's right. He's 100% right. He's 100% right. Yeah, my friend Johnny, he didn't die from crack. My friend who was a crackhead. He died from heroin. He wound up getting on pills. He died from opiates.

I told you about what happened with, I had a raccoon in my yard. You've got Guatemalans trying to sneak over the fence. Did you have the fucking people casing your house? The Chilean mafia. The Chilean mafia. So the only people cleaning up homeless people now in LA are Scientology and the Chilean mafia.

And the Chilean mafia basically takes homeless people, gives them a BMX bike, gives them like outfits. And yeah, I sent you the video of them casing my house because they were robbing people in Brentwood and Santa Monica causing all kinds of shit. They're well-known. It's like a well-known organization. Nobody cares. Scientology

takes them in? That's what I'm hearing. That's a smart move. Super smart. That's like Wild Wild Country. Remember Wild Wild Country? They took all the homeless people so that they could win the election. They're smart as shit. And then after they were done, they're like, yeah, we're done with you. And they were putting the beavers in blenders.

Remember? And they were like putting beavers in blenders. Beavers in blenders? Yeah. Didn't they in Wild Wild Country? They're putting like squirrels and beavers and blenders and stuff to make everybody sick so that they wouldn't vote. Oh, well, they poisoned people.

Right. Yeah. They went to the salad bar. That's right. And put like bacteria. So people had such bad diarrhea, they didn't go vote. That was that Sheila lady. Sheila.

She was scary. Dude, that bitch. That bitch is scary. I would not fuck with her. That was scary. Tough titties. Wasn't it that? So I have this raccoon in my yard.

And it's acting really weird. And I'm poking at it. Because the way they sleep is they just sort of bend over a branch or whatever. But I was poking at it. It wasn't moving. It wasn't behaving like a raccoon. And so I call animal control. This is like the most California fucking response.

I'm like, I have this raccoon in my tree. And she's like, yeah, that's where they live. I'm like, yeah, no, this is where I live, bitch. Get the, it's sick. Something's wrong with it. Last thing I need is a fucking coyote eating it. And then we have rabid coyotes. I'd have to deal with that shit.

And she goes, well, a lot of the wild animals in California are acting really weird right now because people are testing their cocaine for fentanyl and if it tests positive they flush it down the toilet so there's fentanyl in the water so the coyotes and raccoons are acting really weird what? that's what she said? yes I was like if you're telling me

there's fentanyl coyotes I gotta get the fuck out of here but how wait a minute what about people do people get that water how is that where's that water going i mean they already probably is it where's like does that mean that waste water from a toilet flushing goes out into the streets like what is this rome i know probably this is how they started the black same uh fate it seems. Well, that's what started a lot of the plagues.

Like people had terrible hygiene back there, terrible sanitation. Crazy. There's a book called Dissolving Illusions, and it's about the invention of vaccines and the conditions that people lived in, in like the early 1900s in major cities, like you don't think about it. But if people didn't have trucks, because trucks didn't exist, like how did they shit? Where are they? How'd they get their food? Well, guess what?

They didn't. They didn't get good food. So they didn't get any fresh vegetables. No one's getting any vitamins. And everywhere is like an open sewer. They had like these equivalent to like large outhouses on these blocks. And it's just horrible sanitation. Horses shit eight times a day.

They're walking through horse shit. That mud was all shit. But that's probably the most sanitary shit they're walking through. Because horses are just eating grass. But humans, we're eating meat and all kinds of other stuff. sanitary shit they're walking through because horses are just eating grass but humans we're eating meat and all kinds of other stuff and it's fucking coming out of your ass

dog shit smells so much worse than deer shit like deer shit doesn't smell like anything it smells like nothing because they just eat grass they eat grass they shit grass it's like just grass going through their digestive system but dog shit's just like, what did you eat, Sally? I mean, people...

Sally's over there eating dead raccoons and squirrels. People used to die of just dysentery. Oh, yeah. If you had one cut and walked down the street, you're just... Well, how about staph infections? People almost die of staph. Well, they probably do die of staph infections today if they don't get taken care of. But staph infections are scary as shit.

And people have always got those. You just get caught and you get infected. It's wild. I mean, it's like, yeah, with all these like sort of issues now with depression and anxiety. Back then you had such real things to worry about. Like how do I get home without getting covered in shit, without getting dysentery? There was no time to be depressed. There was no time.

That was the only thing to be anxious about. Well, you were always vulnerable. I mean, think about all the times when you were a kid where you got hurt. Like when I was a kid, I broke my arm once. You know, you fall down. You got to go to the doctor. You get this and that. Back then, kids just died.

Yep. They just died. You get a broken leg, you're dead. That was it. But also, I'm fascinated because, you know, I'm about to have a kid and I want to make sure he has a little fascinated because you know I'm about to have a kid and I want to make sure he has a little adversity you know

and like I was with a friend of mine at the new the playgrounds now they're like rubbery and they're all made of plastic and shit like when's the last time

you saw a kid in a cast that's true you see I see him occasionally every kid's is Texas so kids do normal shit you know but I remember

we used to like there used to be a cast with a metal bar when I was in school. It was a metal bar. Remember kids? They go to your hip. The people would have one that went all the way. We spent the first 45 minutes of school signing casts. Like, everyone was in a cast when we were kids.

That's true. You know what I mean? Remember, the seesaws are gone. Yeah. Slides used to be made of sheet metal. They're, like, plastic. Do you remember there was, like, a chain, like a pirate ship chain we would climb up? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Slides used to be made of sheet metal. They're like plastic. Do you remember there was like a chain, like a pirate ship chain we would climb on? Oh, yeah.

We could get tetanus getting pinched. Seesaws. Dude, what was more dangerous than a seesaw? You're fucking up in the air and your fat friend jumps on the top of it and you go flying. You were always the asshole. You'd just be on the bottom and wait and then step off it and just watch them careen to the graphic. Dude, we used to play bloody knuckles all day. Like, we would just punch each other in the knuckle.

We would just be bleeding at all times. How about those things that spin around where you spin your friends around as fast as possible? You know, the ones where you're, like, hanging on. It's just a wheel. It's not really a merry-go-round. It's much smaller. But you'd be spinning that motherfucker and you'd grab your friends you try to like literally make them fly off it's just a lazy susan for pedophiles yeah kids in the park just yeah i would get stuck

under you'd get under the merry-go-round remember the um jungle gym where you just it was like scaffolding basically yeah hang upside down with no ability to. Under concrete. We used to play in tires. We would just get in a tire and roll down a hill. That was just a game. Normal shit. We did play on concrete.

Yeah. And there was like little, it was just like a construction site is basically what we used to play on. Yeah, kids today, unless you live in a terrible neighborhood, that's not generally the case. No. It's like mushy now, although I was... But isn't that smart? What? I know, we're like, let's go back to how it was. I don't want these kids to get hurt.

I know. Did you see this video a couple months ago, where this cop goes down the slide at an enormously fast speed? Oh, I think I did. No. It doesn't make sense how he gets to speed, so you see the slide right here. I'll play it real fast, but it doesn't make sense how he gets to speed. So you see the slide right here. I'll play it real fast, but it doesn't make sense how he gets going this fast.

Let's see. Is he going to get hurt? I mean, he probably did. Oh, Jesus. He's flying down the slide. Backwards. Face first. Or face.

Well, that's a really dumb way to do it, first of all. Jesus. It's crazy. I don't know, dude. Why did he do it belly down? That just seems like... The whole thing doesn't make sense.

That's like an ad for Kratom. I don't know. He seemed like he wasn't totally conscious when he came out. Not a lot of people want to be cops these days. It's a tough job. Sometimes you've got to get the best of the brightest. It's kind of true.

Why is he fucking on duty? What if he breaks a leg? What if he broke his ankle flying out of that fucking thing? Workers comp. Does he even get workers comp for that? No, no, no. Like, sorry, dude. But it is wild, I think, how much more physically we used to have to contend with.

Yeah, but you can get your kid into jiu-jitsu. Yeah, but you can get your kid into jiu-jitsu. Yeah, for sure. Your kid can 100% experience adversity under controlled circumstances, which is probably way better anyway. And even tolerate boredom. My mom used to say, go out and entertain yourself. You know what I mean? I mean, go out and play. Come back before dark. Is that illegal now?

You could do it in certain neighborhoods. You could do it more here than you could in other places. It's not like people don't do that anymore. You would just fuck around and find out. You would just put your finger in a light socket all day. I don't think parents knew as much

and I don't think there was as much of a fear of predators. I have a friend whose kid almost got kidnapped. He's at a park and he had looked down or wasn't paying attention for

I don't know how long, looking at his phone. And then he looks up and there's a guy who's, like, reaching for his son's hand and taking him towards a van. Why is it always a van? Because that's the best way to carry someone around. Like, you open the door real quick, throw him in, shut the door.

So, I mean, also there's no windows, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess. And he fucking runs over and stops it before it happens. But he was so freaked out. Like, what if he didn't look up from his phone? Like, you know, the kids are playing around with other kids and you get bored and you just start looking at your phone. What if he didn't look at his up from his phone? Like, you know, the kids are playing around with other kids and you get bored and you just start looking at your phone. What if he didn't? My I have this like, you know, I had that like stupid nude leak thing happen.

So I have this like, you know, I.T. guy who is explaining to me, I'm like, what's the hygiene for, you know, kids on Instagram? Like I probably just won't, you know, put them on Instagram. I don't know. But he was like, the way that predators pick up kids now is they basically just collect information from the parents' Instagram, right? Like, you're at Disneyland with your kid, and then you got strawberry ice cream with your kid, and then you went to Universal Studios with your kid.

Some creep pedophile goes up to the kid and goes, Oh, hey, Johnny, right? I'm Mark. I met you at Disneyland. Remember, we got the strawberry ice cream? Oh, hey, Johnny, right? I'm Mark. I met you at Disneyland. Remember? We got the strawberry ice cream. Oh, jeez. And then we went to Universal Studios.

I was with you. Your dad told me to come pick you up. Oh, my God. So that's how they just collect information. And then it's probably easy to talk a kid with all those details into getting into a car. I know. I saw it hit and run last night.

Did I tell you about this? Yeah, last night. Yeah, yeah you about this? Yeah, last night. Yeah, yeah. The guy was running from the cops. Guy was high-speed pursuit from the cops. Two cars in front of us. I didn't realize you saw it in person. I thought you saw it online.

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, holy shit. Oh, no, no, no. I saw the whole thing. So I didn't know that he was running from the cops. I just see this car flying at the intersection and T-bone this other car. He's trying to make it. He tries to hit the turn.

Boom! I mean, fast. And then opens the door and runs. So the dude who T-boned the guy jumps out of his car at a full sprint. Full sprint across the street. And me and the guy I was with were like, he's probably drunk. Like he's probably realized he fucked up and he's drunk and he's trying to run away from the scene of the crime.

And then they tackle him. Some citizens got him. And so we hear, they got him. We got him. We got him. I wouldn't want Texas citizens getting me. They're more armed than most police officers here, dude. them, we got them, we got them. I wouldn't want Texas citizens getting me. They're more armed than most police officers here, dude. Well, not only that, it's the

lakes. Everybody's running around out there. It's like, it's fit, because it's right over by Lady Bird Lake. So this guy apparently was in a high-speed chase from the police and just slammed right into a car. I mean, easily could have been us. It was two cars in front of us. That's fucking wild. But it was boom!

Like, to what? I don't think I've ever seen in person someone hit a guy with a car that hard. Like, up close. And it went into the passenger side? Oh, just smushed the side of this car. This car went flying. The one car,

it goes flying up in the air, and the other car goes flying to the side. And then, boom, the car falls down. And the moment it falls down, the dude opens the door. He's out. He starts running. And he was dressed like he just got done playing golf. It was so weird to see.

He's wearing a golf shirt. I love that his first instinct was not just fucking running. Run. What did he do wrong? He just ran away. He was just running out for his arrest or something. It was probably something because if he's run from the cops something was when you see that shit real up close it always

blows my mind like when i first moved to la i lived right above re on miller drive above pink dot so that i can be close to the comedy store and there's that intersection there sunset in la cienega and there's all these you know and both people trying to take lefts are always trying to, you know, shoot the yellow light. And I'm at the, the Northern part of the intersection and a motorcycle is coming down sunset fast as shit.

And then someone's trying to take the left. When I tell you, I'm just, I've been in LA five days. I'm like, I'm a big comedian. I'm in front of pink dot. I'm like,

I see this car hit the motorcycle. The guy goes up into the air. I mean, it must have been 50 feet in the air. His shoes come off. I guess that's the thing when you get hit by a car. Your shoes come off, which is wild, and then comes down head first because your head is the heaviest. And, I mean, it was so disturbing. Head broke off his body.

I mean, just head off body. And then shoes were like 50 feet away from him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very dead. The deadest. Like when you see that, you're like, I feel like that's how it would have gone in a Michael Bay movie.

Or I don't know, that just feels a little wild when you actually see it up close. Yeah. You know, like the sounds, the crunching, the thuds. You're like, oh, that's just a body. The thing is, it's kind of extraordinary how little car accidents we have. When you think about how many people are just so distracted and how crazy the act of getting on to this concrete surface with this thing that's rolling around with a combustion engine. And you're just letting normal people drive them around.

It's kind of a miracle how cooperative we all are. Yeah. It is kind of weird. It's kind of weird. But the stakes are so high. I mean, in terms of having to pay for it. I got enough car accidents in my 20s that I was like, I don't have that kind of money.

It's too much of a hassle. Well, it's just sketchy. You're relying on other people, and every now and then there's one guy that's gotta get there on time Yeah, fucking cut in front of everybody you watch and I'm like, oh look at this guy in the pickup truck. Jesus Christ Yeah, I was thinking because I'm like you can see so much carnage online now like in my algorithm I guess I don't know enough comedians sent me videos of people getting murdered It's just like but like car accidents and how the Disney cast is terrible. It's just like butts and like car accidents

and how the Disney castles are made of dicks. Like that place. Is that from Tripoli? Did you know that Tripoli has 12 podcasts? Yeah, at least. I'm going to give birth,

oh no. And so yeah, so Tripoli sends me all this stuff. But yeah, I mean, the Disney castle's being made of dicks. It is a compelling case, but I think it was probably more that they didn't pay their animators and the animators were like, fuck you guys, we're just gonna make the, you know. I'm not totally aware of that one. I think, I don't remember it. Let's pull that one up.

Oh, Disney castle's made of dicks, let's go. Well, there's a lot of wild stuff from the old Disney stuff. You go back in the old, old Disney. You're like, you guys should probably bury this. Brutal. I know. You might want to take the obviously Jewish person's nose down a little bit. Yeah.

There was one where there was a big bad wolf one, and it used to be a Jewish person and then they switched it to a wolf later. And it's like cheap. It won't pay the price for the baguette for the Little Red Riding Hood. You're like, what? Yeah, but there's the I think it's the Little Mermaid, the

Spears looking like dicks. I think they probably just didn't pay their animators and the animators were like, alright, we're just going to make everything look like a dick. Some people do see dicks in everything, though. There's that. It is kind of a Rorschach test. That's a thing, yeah. Maybe I'm one of those people.

Then there's also Mickey and Minnie, like one of her bows, it does kind of look like a dick going right for her mouth. It feels like a disgruntled employee. What? The video you posted got taken down. I was just going to play that one. It's been removed. Which one was that one?

Everything I post on the dicks. She has a video. I was just going to use that as an example. They take all my stuff down now. Here's some interesting stuff I just found. Marshmallow cannon? What? Hold on. I mean, it'll...

Okay. It should show, like... No. Yeah. Well... Oh, what? Okay. That's 100% a dick

squirting marshmallows. On a little mouse. It just chews all over this mouse. It's that. It's like... Okay. That's a dick. That's 100 It's that. It's like. Okay. That's a dick. That's 100% a dick.

Look at the balls at the bottom of it. That's not a coincidence. I didn't even notice the balls. That is not a coincidence. That's 100% a dick. Look up the Minion Mickey Mouse. That one is the one that really kind of put me over the edge. Yeah, that's someone being sneaky and putting in like a little Easter egg.

Yeah, they didn't get paid overtime. That over the edge. Yeah, that's someone being sneaky and putting in like a little Easter egg. Yeah, yeah. They didn't get paid overtime. That's a dick. Yeah. And now the Disney employees are trying, the animators are trying to unionize. I'd be shocked if they succeed. They're probably just going to have AI do it. You could also just go to images.

The thing is, AI is so good now. Like, these animators are on shaky ground. Yes, correct. What happened with the actor strike? Did they settle that? Is that over? Yeah, they settled it. Oh, do Minnie and Mickey dicks.

Minnie and Mickey dicks. Dicks. Oh, it's right there. Go to the one, two, three, four, like six over on the top. Yeah. One more over. Sorry. That one.

Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's her dress. What the fuck? I know. Okay. It's a little wild. Come on. I's her dress. What the fuck? I know. Okay. It's a little wild.

Come on. I mean, maybe. That's insane. And he's got his hand on her dick. I know. She's got a giant hard-on. That is 100% a hard-on. That doesn't even make sense as a dress. Just going straight into his mouth.

Just try to imagine that as a dress. It doesn't even make sense. Yeah, like where's her arm? Oh, it's around his neck. Who cares where her arm... It doesn't make sense. I know, like where's her arm? Oh, it's around his neck. Who cares where her arm is? It doesn't make sense. I know. Where's her right arm?

It's a hard one to defend. Oh, they're both around there. Yeah. She's hugging him. And that's her shoulder, supposedly. Okay, kind of. Kind of. It's a tough one.

That's a dick. It's way more of a dick than it is her arm around his shoulder. You know, if it's one of two things, that looks so much like it. And his hands on it. Oh, no. Like he's stroking it. And also the little lines. I don't know.

Does he always have a puffy shoulder shirt on like that? Is that consistent? Not like that. And then it's also like the little ridge on the top. Yeah. Doesn't feel necessary. It's a dick. That's definitely a dick.

Oh, no. Oh, no. That's 100% a dick. Oh, no. Yeah. I'm going to get a dart in my neck any minute. Disney's going to guess. They're already in trouble.

They fucked up. They went too far. You were telling us about the South Park thing. Oh, my God, dude. Jamie, have you seen the new South Park? I definitely saw clips of it. It is so funny. First of all, Cartman has been replaced by a black trans woman.

In the ulterior universe or whatever. And the whole thing, really incisive commentary. Obviously, they always do such a good job with this. It's the Panderverse, which is hilarious. It's such a great name all the handyman the handymen are the richest people because no men know how to do anything anymore because they went to college so it's all about how college has made us stupid and we need handymen to do everything now because we're using siri and whatever so there's the the handyman bought

instagram and now is like going to space because he's just a billionaire. And then Cartman is, is it Catherine Kennedy who runs Disney? But ran Lucasfilm and whatever. And her whole thing is just make it, make it a girl and make her gay. Make it a girl and make her gay. For every movie they're bitching. And she gets like served food at a restaurant. And she's like, I told you to make it a girl, make it gay.

It's hilarious. It's so well done. Yeah. How did people that are that goofy get in control of media like that? I think that there's a really, I think we're going to look back at this time and go, remember when we thought 300 comments on Twitter represented everyone? Right. Remember when we had that confirmation, but we got scared

of a bunch of tweets, half of which might just be bots or truly crazy people? Yeah. You know? I don't know what the statistic is now. Also people crazy enough

to be commenting on things all day. Yeah, good or bad. The people that I know that are on Twitter all day commenting on stuff, they're mentally ill. That's right. The ones I know are mentally ill. I know they're all

fucked up. I know they're medicated to shit. And then they're on there freaking themselves out arguing with people all day. I think not only are they medicated on whatever they're on, but also I think Twitter is a drug. It's a drug. I mean, you get that hit of self-righteous indignation. It's like the people who write in to complain about their Mr. Goodbar being wrapped weird.

You know what I mean? And for actors and people in show business, it's almost like you're testing yourself out, like writing scripts for yourself. Yeah. To be like a hero in this scene. And like I think a lot of people need to be heard. Totally get that. Oh, yeah. That's real, too.

That's real, too. That's real, too. I mean, there's a real application for it in terms of your ability to communicate about things and learn more about other people's perspectives if you can cultivate a good group of humans. But if you're famous, that's not tenable. Like, there's too many people. If you're dealing with a product like a Disney film, there's just many people there's too many people you're not never gonna be and you're just gonna encounter what you encounter it's random it's not like you're getting the the ones from like I went to Stanford and asked the psychologists what their opinion on no no you're just kidding fucking you're getting the

wildest of wild opinions from who knows how many different groups of people. And you just whatever you scroll into, that's what you read. Do you think there'll be a day where we look back and we go like, remember when you could just like be on Twitter all day? Like, is it going to be the way we are with cigarettes now? Remember, you used to be able to smoke inside. No, because people are just going to keep doing it because it doesn't physically feel bad, even though it is bad. We're really bad at things that don't like burn our fingers. Like, ouch.

We're really bad at just continuing to do certain things like a Twitter type deal or just any kind of online social interaction is so different than regular human interaction that if you get used to doing it all the time it kind of like reprograms the way you communicate with people period just like the new normal yeah you see people like spill over like twitter talk spill over in real life with horrible consequences it's like my favorite mike tyson quote is the problem with people today is you can talk shit and not get punched in the face Yeah, and then you see him talk shit in person. It doesn't go so well. Yeah, that's real I mean you're supposed to have consequences figure Yeah your behavior like a bunch of my friends that are parents say that like bullies will come in and they'll say the

craziest shit just because they've been on Twitter online or on those video games where you're allowed to like talk shit and then you Go into the real world and it's a little different. Yeah's plenty of those videos on my instagram too people getting fucked up you know i was thinking about this because i was like is it new that we are able to see horrific shit just like constantly constantly yeah but i was thinking like what are the other like collective visual like traumas we've had that we've seen and i was i'm a little i kind of missed this a little bit but i remember hearing about it because i had an older brother remember the challenger explosion oh yeah it makes me I've been trying to write a joke about it that they rolled in tvs into classrooms to watch this with the teacher remember there was like a teacher on it and they showed it and everybody just

watched this teacher explode in the sky i remember not knowing exactly what was going on at first going what's what's happening like why is there like so many different like there was like one going this way and one going that way and then they started talking about oh no oh no and then you realize like oh shit did that thing blow up because do you remember watching it at first like it didn't I didn't know exactly what was happening. I watched it recently and kind of was like, oh, I remember watching it like on the news when I was really young and not understanding what was going on. Can you pull up the Challenger explosion? By the way, that all could apparently could have been mitigated.

People knew that there was problems with the O-rings. Really? You got to think how many fucking people are involved in those things and how bad the government is at almost everything. Yep. Almost everything. But they looked for the teacher. It was like this whole thing.

Look at this. Okay. Oh, people gathered in theaters. Yeah. Ugh. Ugh. Full throttle and pointed highest stress. A massive explosion. The cheering stops. The horror sinks in. Seven Americans with the highest hopes.

A billion dollars worth of the highest technology. Gone in seconds. The worst disaster in the U.S. space program ever. It's like a jellyfish. Good evening, this is the CBS Evening News. To watch that live. He's just dead. What a weird thing we try to do. Fill giant tubes up with combustible liquid and then light an explosion and shoot them up into the fucking sky to get out of Earth's gravity.

I mean, it is bonkers. Well, it definitely has worked a gang of times. I know, but it's just like... Look at the amount of power you're dealing with. That's what's so bonkers. The amount of thrust that you need to escape our atmosphere and escape our gravity, it's just so nuts. And then how...

Boom! How quick was that? Did they feel it? Nah. They might have. That was my obsession. I watched a video on the implosion of the submarine the other day. Can't get enough.

Can't get enough. I can't get enough of this thing. I love that billionaires now have to do broke shit. It's like, it makes me, all it makes me think about is gold diggers. Because gold diggers now don't even get to do cool stuff anymore. They used to be like, you go to Monaco. You go to like, you know, we're going to go to St. Barts. Now you got to get in a submarine.

You got to go look at a bunch of trash at the bottom of the ocean. Who was telling us about people that are paying to go over to Russia? They're paying to go over to Ukraine and fight on the front line. They'll let them shoot guns. You don't remember someone telling them? Maybe someone told me off air. Maybe it was a different thing. But they were saying that they know

someone who literally paid to go and fight for Ukraine against Russia. They went and they allowed them to operate guns and shit. I was like, what is it? I said, this is why I wanted to bring it up because I'm like, is that a bullshit story? But if I, if Ukraine is like, but everything, even back then, they're so corrupt.

That is such a corrupt country. And there's so much shade. My friend, what do you want to do? You have money. We give you a gun to shoot at them and then next thing you know some fucking frat kid whose dad's got an oil baron yeah some rich is over there fucking okay get me out of here he's staying in a truck trying to get content for his tiktok it's just what we need i think people have done something like didn't by the way i think r RFK's son went over to fight.

RFK's son did go over to fight. I feel like there had to be like a... He didn't tell anyone. He just went over and did it and then came back. Like he didn't even tell his dad. Yeah, right, right. His dad didn't...

RFK Jr. did not know his son was over there. But you just show up and you're like, hey, I'm on your side? I don't know side I don't know I don't know how he applied but I think he was in some sort of special forces group there are very rich Ukrainians

doing this I don't know if it's like an American okay maybe that's what it is yeah this article on NPR says there's like billionaires that are leading battalions but they might also have some sort of training or something like that oh but isn't that just like the guy that they blew up? The guy who was on the other side. Right.

But he he was a billionaire that ran his own army, the Wagner. Yes, I'm a businessman. And now I'm a commander of a military unit in Ukraine. Like, are you having that much trouble getting chicks as a billionaire? Yeah, but that might be a different thing. That might be a thing where he just felt like he has to take up arms because russia's invading i get that by the way i do feel like isn't it i mean i texted a lot of my friends about this where i'm like it's today the day like it's today the day we're all going

to war like there is a little bit of uh way more ever before. Way more than I mean, I'm looking at bunkers at 2 a.m. I'm kind of. Yeah. If I mean, what is our if what if draft happens? Can you imagine our 18 year olds going to TikTok kids getting drafted, eating Tide Pods going over there? Yeah. Draft is a real it would be a real issue with the morale of this country and the suspicion of like the government doing unethical things and the trust and whether or not these kids could even survive, just survive boot camp.

Yeah. I mean, this is the softest. Just survive filling out the form saying their gender. This is the softest, the softest generation that's ever existed. It's scary. It's wild how quickly it happened. It really is wild. I mean, if this was engineered by Russia, good job.

They nailed it. You fucking nailed it. They nailed it. Everything that everybody wanted. A complete lack of faith in the government. Whoever put Roundup in the water so that everybody went, you know, soft. Yeah, fluoride. Yeah, yeah.

Between the fluoride and the Roundup and all the endocrine disruptors they did a great job they turned us into such pussies there's a few people that are out there fighting the good fight and trying to resist but you know ultimately they're outnumbered yeah i would say i feel like there's like a backlash happening you know i feel like it's interesting like being pregnant you really i've started getting like obsessed with you know everything you put in your body you know and just the idea of just drinking water. It's like a full time job. Like, where am I getting my water? Right.

I got it because it's either my choices are fluoride or microplastics. And I'm not, I'm not having a baby with a small taint. I'm telling you that right now. Yeah. Do you ever check yourself for phthalates while you were? Shit. No? No.

Where do I do that? Too late. I did the tally age were. Shit. No. No. Where do I do that? Too late. I did the tally age test, the biological age. Oh. Phthalates are microplastics. It's like chemicals that leach out of plastics. I mean, I for sure got them. Well, everybody has them.

There's no way I don't. Yeah. There was a study that they did recently. It was like, what is it? What was the number? Like 90 something percent of people had phthalates in their body. Something nuts. Also, there's this guy.

I don't want to plagiarize his work. Kashif Khan, he wrote that DNA Way book about how their micro, the forever chemicals in women's yoga pants. Oh, right. In the crotch. It's in AstroTurf. How about fucking baby powder? Dude, we used to put it in our underwear before basketball games. Yeah.

There's been 50,000 lawsuits. Yeah. They've paid, I think, over $8 or $9 billion, which is probably nothing to them. But women getting ovarian cancer from the asbestos in it. Yes. And then also the minors of the talc. Yes. Yeah, that's what I was reading, that talc and asbestos are often in the same spot.

And they don't filter it out well. To what? They don't even test to see if the talc has asbestos in it sometimes. Johnson & Johnson's gotten away with some wild shit. Well, that's a wild one. Did they know? We were putting it on babies. What I want to know is, did they know?

Did they know that sometimes their talc has asbestos in it? It was just too problematic to sift it out and figure out what's what. What is the deal with that? Find out what's the deal with talc and asbestos. I think the miners definitely complained. My guess is it is a similar trajectory to the... Oh, here it is. Because talc and asbestos are minerals found close together. When talc is mined, it may contain traces of asbestos. Talcum powder is still an ingredient in a number of cosmetic brands. As recently as November of 2020, a study found that 14% of the talc-containing makeup tested contained asbestos.

That's wild. Can I tell you, a lot of my girlfriends, when they act insane, I ask a couple questions. I'm like, what birth control are you on on and what hair products and makeup are you using? Because you're just putting chemicals and I mean your skin's your biggest organ, right? The amount of chemicals women just put on their bodies in their bodies They knew for decades that asbestos lurked in its baby powder. Oh my god That's Crazy, this is Reuters. I want to say it was in st. Louis, but they it was over 50,000 lawsuits. Oh my god. That's crazy. Unreal. This is Reuters. I want to say it was in St. Louis, but it was over 50,000 lawsuits.

Oh, my God. That's so crazy. Johnson & Johnson didn't tell the FDA that it leaves three tests by three different labs. Unreal. From 72 to 75, it found asbestos in its talc. In one case, that level's reported as rather high. Who says rather? Who says rather in that context?

What kind of numbers are we talking about? They were rather high. Also, and then as soon as the Johnson & Johnson vaccine came out, we just flocked. That's a trusted name. That was the first one they pulled. I did it. Did you do that one? Yeah, who knows what's even in my belly.

I'm kind of worried. Let's think on the positive side. Did you do that one? Yeah, who knows what's even in my belly? I'm kind of worried. Let's think on the positive side. How come in comic books, whenever someone gets exposure to radiation, they get superpowers? That's true. I got pregnant at 40.

This is a vaccine injury, 100%. Isn't it supposed to be the opposite, though? It's supposed to stop women from- Yeah, I guess women were having a lot of fertility problems. Yeah. And pregnant women that took it, their placentas were hardening. There was a lot of sketchy stuff happening. Yo.

Yeah, fertility is going down in a way that's super alarming. Do you think people will be more skeptical of novel medical interventions in the future? Like if something like this comes up in the future, I don't think people will be as quick to line up. I think fear does wild stuff to people. Yeah. But I've never had like that much of a reason to distrust the medical establishment as we do now. Yeah. Just like the videos that you could watch of them saying it's 100 percent effective. It's 80 percent effective. It's effective against preventing severe hospitalization or death. Yeah. I think that, I mean, at least the people that I know are very suspicious of stuff like that. But the thing that really freaks me out is even natural remedies are starting to be bought up by these corporations.

So, you know, Bragg's apple cider vinegar. Bill Gates bought it. Oh, God. Bill Gates now owns one of the few natural healthy tonics we had, and he's putting the apples in it. Oh, the appeal? The appeal, the creepy ass. Oh, what is that? That's like a coating that they spray on the outside of vegetables.

It's like some shmegma to keep the apples preserved longer. Is it just apples? Is he just so obsessed that he didn't invent apple computers? Just poisoning everything apples? He he just so obsessed that he didn't invent Apple computers? Just poisoning everything apples? He just has to. But yeah, it's like for Costco apples to stay fresher longer. But what is in it? I would love to know.

I would love to know. These motherfuckers, they get stuff out there before anybody's aware that these things are a problem. And then like years later, like what's in it? Talc, asbestos. And then you don't find out till later so it's like talking about this and just being like not being suspicious about like should apples last for four weeks i feel like bill needs a hug like why are you working

so hard did you see the video of him against trees what bill gate look at bill gates against oh he thinks he should bury all the trees he's's like, I don't plant trees. Like, he doesn't believe in trees. Someone needs to blow this guy. I volunteer as tribute. I'll jump on this grenade. I don't know what. I mean, between. And then I guess he owns half of the McDonald's potatoes for the French fries.

Bill Gates gets real about climate change. Planting trees is complete nonsense. But the end of the oil and gas era is finally in sight. Planting trees is complete nonsense. We don't think planting trees is good? Aren't planting trees, don't they make oxygen?

How would it be nonsense to have something that filters carbon dioxide and makes oxygen? I think he's done too much of that appeal. Claims circling that Microsoft founder Bill Gates supports chopping down 70 million acres of trees. But the truth is more complicated. Oh.

Oh, is it? What's complicated? Shock. There's a video of him like being very glib about it. Yeah. Promoting deforestation. OK. What?

Cool cause. Well, I think he kind of wants to regulate the weather, right? The startup company has a unique concept for the removal of trees to protect California forests. Well, there's something to the removal of dead trees, and that's something that actually Trump talked about when the wildfires were hitting California. He said he was going to cut off their funding if they didn't take care of their forests. But I don't think that's what he's saying. No, I don't think that's what he's saying either. I don't think that's what he's saying. No, I don't think that's what he's saying either. I don't think he's saying like – What you're supposed to do is trees die, right?

And they die and then they fall and you get deadfall and that stuff dries out and that stuff becomes highly flammable. So if you got a gang – like there was an issue back a few years ago. There was a thing called the Bark Beetle. Do you remember that? It was up in like – what's that lake big bear it's like up in that area so all my friends go to relapse no one goes to big bear and comes back so big bear is a crazy place so this uh beetle was uh consuming the bark of these trees and killing these trees so you had like you know who knows how many thousands and thousands of dead trees that

were essentially kindling. And so when a wildfire happened, it just burned right through everything because nobody had ever removed the dead trees. Yeah, you got to do that. And that's the thing about a lot of these forests is that if you got a lot of, but it's also like the amount of resources involved in removing all those dead trees. Who knows how many trees. Yeah. Who knows how many acres.

Yeah. I mean I live in wildfire land, as you know, in Topanga in California. And I do like voluntary equine evacuation with LAFD. And they would fight for my house because I'm kind of right at sort of the end of like 170 acres, like in a hollow kind of thing. So they would just come in and fight. So they, you know, come over sometimes. And I was talking to one of these firefighters about like, you know, like, oh, the forest fires. And he was like, look, it's going to get me in some trouble maybe. But he's like, look, most of the fires in California are homeless people.

But we can't tell people that or else people would just start taking baseball bats to homeless people constantly. You know, so it's like a lot of it is like fires or smoking or little campfires. Yeah. Campfires. Yeah. Well, if your life is so fucked up that you're, you know, in a fucking tent on the middle of a grassy hillside

and you're doing fentanyl, you're probably not so responsible with fire. The homeless camp wars in Venice where they were just throwing, like, Molotov cocktails at each other to set each other on fire. I mean, it was the Gaza Strip there for a minute. It's just so nuts that it happened so quick. So quick.

Again, Russia, good job. You guys nailed it. Yeah. Whatever you did to our education system, whatever you did to crush our faith in democracy. Amazing work. Yeah. And just a testament to how like one sick bill will put you out. And people can't afford housing. There's that, but it's mostly mental illness and drug addiction.

It's mostly that. There's people that are down on their luck, but those people usually find a way back. It's mental illness for the most part and drug addiction. And, you know, and also the community that comes from a bunch of people that are also just as fucked up as you. People like to be around. If you're a fucking mess, you like to be around other messes. You don't want to be a mess and be around Jocko. He's getting up at four thirty in the morning and working out and like you want to be a mess around other non-ambitious people that are just laying around. And that's their community.

It's pretty wild. In California, you can be homeless. I mean, the homeless people in California, they're not trying. They've got ring lights. They've got cell phones. They're getting their morning sunlight. It's not that cold out. It's not that big a deal.

They can get a 24-hour gym membership. They're in shape, too. I had my... Dude, they look great-hour gym membership. They're in shape, too. I had my – dude, they look great. That gym membership. They're barefoot. They're grounding in the grass. They're probably healthier than most of us. They're probably living the lives that we're all trying to learn to live from these high performers.

But I got my laptop stolen out of my car outside the improv on Melrose. And this guy – I wasn't going to fight with him about it but he was like cut he was ripped he looked great he looked like Goggins I mean he looked great you know and it's just kind of a lifestyle at this point I don't think they're trying to change it well also if you steal anything that's less than $900 they don't even arrest you that's right with the stores and stuff which is fucking just dumbest shit ever. And then these mass lootings where these kids organize. Oh, yeah. That's crazy, too.

Yeah, yeah. It's like this is a complete collapse of society that's happening while we're here. So it's hard to really understand the scope of it unless you could have like a go back in time machine. Yeah. And like see what those same streets looked like 20 years ago. See what these same stores were like 20 years ago and then see what's going on now. It's like, whoa. Yep.

This is this is like a fucking Robocop movie. This is something's wrong here. Yeah. Real wrong. Just gangs of people. Yeah. Organizing to steal. And then what do they do?

They put on eBay. They just are. Whatever you got to do, man. I mean, it's like with what's going on in this country, I'm always like, I'm almost like good for you guys. Good for you to steal my laptop. I don't know. That I didn't want. What are you saying?

Good for you. One time, Janine Garofalo was on stage and she goes, yeah, I lost my my joke notebook in St. Louis. So if you see anyone bombing around town let me know there is something when you lose something that has jokes in it where you're like i just want that back because i don't want people to see my jokes in progress how embarrassing oh yeah that's true too or the just the notes like yeah you know it would it would be it would be an evidence in a crime i'm like i'm definitely going to jail if anybody sees my joke notebook. It would be like

one of them physics papers though where you're like, I don't know what they're writing. Yeah, exactly. What is this? What is this? Fucking arrows pointing to dicks and this arrow pointing to clouds.

I have been kind of writing in a notebook recently jokes because you get on your computer and then you get a pop-up ad. You want to go out and you're like, I'll just research this and then you're in a wormhole of Disney dicks for two hours,

you know? So I've started writing more and I've got this joke notebook and I'm like, God, but I don't have my name on it or anything. You don't want to lose it. Well, yeah. I mean,

it's a portrait of insanity. Do you take photos of each page? I should do that. Yeah. That's really smart. Then you can just open them up, spread them. You can read it.

Ah, sometimes I'll do it like in my notes app, like write jokes out and stuff. Yeah. There's some applications that will take written handwriting and convert it into text. That's really smart. I know that Remarkable, that tablet thing does that. It'll do that for you. You ever seen that tablet?

No. It's pretty cool. It's a tablet that it looks like a Kindle. So it looks like white paper and you write on it. With like a pen. With a pen. Stylist. Yeah. And then you get with a stylus. Oh, nice. But you have multiple pages. So you write like that and it looks like paper, but then it'll convert it to a text for you. It converted it to type font. That's crazy. But the thing is, it's like, you could have a thousand pages in that easy.

And can you erase easy with it? Yeah. You could have little folders and all sorts of different things with it. I'm kind of like, I don't know, I'm a little old school with like, I like having a piece of paper and tearing it out before I go on stage and put it in my pocket. I don't know. There's just still a little attachment.

Well, they do say that there's something, and I wonder if it would be the same on a tablet, but they do say there's something when you physically write something down, it's better for your memory. Yep. Part of writing it out is just remembering it, I think, for me. And then I'll say it. I saw Jay-Z somewhere say if you say something 18 times in a row, you'll remember it, whether that's true or not. That's his process. And then I kind say it. Like, I saw Jay-Z somewhere say, if you say something 18 times in a row, you'll remember it. Whether that's true or not.

Like, that's his process. And then I kind of started doing that. Well, he famously doesn't write his raps down. That's wild. Yeah. He keeps it all in his head. That's insane. It's pretty wild.

Pretty genius. But I know a lot of comics who do that. Really? Yeah, there's a lot of comics who don't write at all. That's crazy. They could go on stage and do an hour and a half, and it's all in their head. Yeah. I'm trying to get better at that.

I'm trying to get better at that. I think there's two. Both things are good. I think a lot of those comics probably would benefit from writing, too. Yeah. You'd probably get some extra bits. Yeah. Like, I'll sometimes, like, it drives me nuts when I'll try to come up with stuff on stage

or allow myself, but if I don't record it, I'm like, ah, shit. Like, I was so in the moment. Like, I worked so hard to be present and then I'm like I don't remember any of it did you do bottom of the barrel Tuesday night dude I had the best time I had never done it before and it was like I kind of feel like you'll have a better metaphor for this but it's almost like you know doing fat man is like you know doing your cardio writing jokes is like you know you're you know lifting and then bottom of the barrel is like, you know, doing your cardio. Writing jokes is like, you know, you're, you know, lifting. And then bottom of the barrel is like stretching or something. Like it should be a part of what you do as a comic.

It's good to just be on a tightrope. Yeah. And not having any idea where you're going with things. And then totally going the wrong way and trying to bail yourself out. I got like three things out of it. Yeah. It's just like jumping off a cliff and flying and sort of – because I think that I get a little bit after I have a special come out,

I start going, okay, my next special is going to be about this. And then I kind of like have the tunnel vision about what the theme is going to be. Right. And someone just – Hamas Christmas was literally one of them. It was like to just riff on that. Like I never would have thought to write about that because I'm like, oh, too touchy, too this. It makes you braver. And it was like a muscle I hadn't flexed in a really long time.

It's also a unique situation because the audience knows that you're doing it and you are clearly reaching in. You're not preparing at all. You're reaching into this thing. You're pulling out this piece of paper. And there's this moment where you might have something on that yeah you know like oh yeah you know yeah christmas with the relatives or oh whatever it is yeah totally you're like oh okay and then they get to see this process of you fucking around yeah it just was it also i think sometimes you get into this whether it's feedback from the internet or from people, when people kind of tell you what kind of comic you are.

You're kind of like, oh, that's not a topic I would do. That's a topic Tim Dilla would do. Right. And then I'm kind of like, no, I could totally weigh in on that. Right. But like, I don't only have to talk about relationships or being a woman like, oh, that worked. And it also get you out of whatever might be rigid. And like this is the worst when you see a comic they

have a theme and they're kind of rigid with it and they're like and you feel like oh man you'd be you should be a little more loose yeah be more fun to watch yeah you know like you're a little too buttoned down with this thing yeah and it also was like you know the topics were so incendiary and wild you know to just the permission from theendiary and wild, you know, to just the permission from the audience, like, go there. Yeah. Like, go. Don't like, don't hold back.

Don't censor yourself. It was just like, oh, okay. You guys want me to go here, right? Yeah. Like, it's just this like really cool, like jump kind of. It's also, there's 110 people there, you know, it's small. That room is my favorite. It's a great little room.

The fact that you made, I mean, I was thinking about this last night when I was like, how does a club that's only, what, two years old? Not even. It's not even a year old. Feel like it has so much history. I know. And like soul. Well, I think it's because of the building. I think there's a reality about buildings.

And that's a 1927 theater. And I think there's something about old buildings. I think memories are like legitimately burned into objects. That's fascinating and I think there's something about old buildings they I think memories are like legitimately burned into objects that's fascinating I think I'm not 90 sure I think this idea that things don't have something that's akin to consciousness I think it's arrogant that building I know it's like wishful thinking because it's my place and all that jazz but I know it's like wishful thinking because it's my place and all that jazz. But when we opened it, I felt like it was happy we were there.

I felt like even when I looked at it, even when I looked at it, I felt like it was talking to me. Like when I was going through it and like trying to figure out how I could do this and do that. I'm looking around at it. It was like, come on, let's do it. What was that documentary ages ago called what the bleep do we know yeah and remember the particles were in the water and when they were nice to it the particles changed and when they were mean to it i think the particles you know there is yeah i don't know if that's real that guy also ended up in the nexium cult so yeah there was also another person that was talking during that i think she calls herself Ramtha.

And she's channeling like a thousand-year-old alien or something. Sure, sure. So like her real name is different. But when she talks, she talks in this wonderful way. Okay. And she's channeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of wacky shit in that film.

Okay, so they were doing The Secret. Got it. But there's just this feeling, and it's either the way you've decorated the place, the people you've chosen to be there. It feels like, this is how corny, it feels like home.

Yeah, well, that's what we wanted. We did everything we could to make it as comfortable for comedians as possible and as much fun. And to help promote the art form and help promote up and coming artists that's the big one it's like everyone who works there is a door person they all audition with their acts the people that are uh going up on open mic nights they have two nights of open

mic nights to go up monday and tuesday dude that guy was it miles was miles i've seen miles destroying in the little boy and then the next day i walked in and he was the door guy. And I was like, you're the guy I could hardly follow last night. Yeah, it's just like a hassle having employees and they want to do other things you know what i mean but like everyone is like part of this mission there everyone feels like a family no one feels like they're just like there to be get some cash like i think everybody realizes it's a very special thing that we've been able to put together and the the fact that the idea to put it together was really just to make it wasn't like a business idea like this would be a great way to make money it was the opposite it's like i just to make it wasn't like a business idea like this would be a great way to make money it was the opposite it's like i just don't want to lose any money

but let's put together this business let's put together this center this one hub where the comedians can just be free have fun and feed off of each other and and bang joke ideas around with each other in the green room and, you know, and watch each other do sets from the balcony. Watching you and, I mean, being in the green room and like, because I mean, look, sometimes you're kind of in a lot of clubs, you're in a hallway and there's like people coming by and the way that you've like really incubated comedians so that they like feel safe and feel like, you know, they can be be themselves especially before they go on stage like you know ron white came off stage and he just done this bit he was trying to explain why it didn't go how he wanted to go watching ron white have a joke not

go well for the first time in 30 years was funny to watch it was funny like i just bombed for the first time and his fucking his complete accepting of the bombing. I know. Like the way he was saying it. That fucking joke didn't get a single laugh. They all agreed. And we were trying to tell him, like, I don't understand why you thought that was funny. Well, clearly you were right.

He told the joke and Joe goes, yeah, i would have advised you against doing that joke but then we came up with alternative ways to do that joke where we're ridiculous and then you like went into this whole other thing and like basically i just watched you put a whole chunk together you know and like we were all just there like just supporting each other and kind of like writing and everything's like you know that's the best feeling in the world. When you're sitting around a bunch of people, you know you can't hurt their feelings. You know you're not walking on eggshells. And you can just.

And you know you're around a place of love. That's it. That's it. And just, like, just go for it. Just say it. There's no tension in that room. Zero. Everybody's smiling.

Zero. We're so lucky the best i feel so lucky sometimes like it's just i look forward to it so much it's like medicine when i'm not there for a few weeks and then i come back to town and we're hanging out in the green room again everybody's like hey you built this thing though and there's also it made me realize like you have to be around the absence of something to realize there was a presence of something else that became so normal is there's an absence of predatory energy i know that might sound weird but like the comics the for whatever reason nobody's trying to get something from you

trying to get you on their podcast no one's kind of just trying to get near you no one's trying to get a picture with you there's just this agreement we're just here to get better yeah and we're just we're a family in here and we're not like trying to do anything except get better at comedy right there's always that weird moment where someone like weasels into your conversation at the store and you don't know who that person is and then hey i'd love to talk to you about this project and you're like oh or there's just a feeling of like this feels like work right for some reason we're just faking this it's also the hollywood environment too because everybody kind of has that attitude all day long.

How can you help me? Yeah. How can you? It's a transactionary existence. And these people are always looking to make these transactions. That's right. And move up the social ladder. There was also a really cool thing the last couple nights.

I went up in the Little Boy Both Nights and talked to a couple people in the audience. There were like four people each night that were in from Australia just to come to the mothership. Wow. They came just to come for the week to come to all the shows. There was another guy, one of the guys that came from Australia, he did a road trip in America. And I was like, oh, what's your trip? And he was like, I went to Austin, Ohio, and New York. Wow. That's America. That's your trip? And he was like, I went to Austin, Ohio, and New York. Wow.

That's America. That's pretty much America. There was no – Depends on what part of Ohio. There was no – it was like a family thing or something like that. But no Disneyland in Florida, no Universal Studios in L.A. It was just Austin, Ohio, New York. I thought that was really cool.

It must be wild to go from one country – if you've never been to America and you see just a different – it's basically Europe. There's different countries here. Every state feels like a different country. It's a different country. New York is such a different country than Texas. LA, California is so different than Texas. LA is also so different. LA feels like a weird simulation now.

When's the last time you were on Sunset Boulevard? It's been a few months, but the last time I was there I was like, Jesus, this is weird. It feels different. House of Blues is gone. It feels like it could fall apart at any minute. It feels like something could go sideways at any minute and no one's gonna stop it.

And it's just reliant upon the good nature of people. It just doesn't seem like people have as much restraint anymore. It's just reliant upon the good nature of people. It just doesn't seem like people have as much restraint anymore. It's just people are more desperate. There's more tension and anger. I mean, so many people lost everything during those two years. That's right. So many people.

That's right. So many people. And the business that was somewhat functioning, you know, Hollywood, didn't work for two. And then, I mean, because people think about Hollywood and they think about the annoying actors and the you know writers and the producers and the directors but it's mostly crew guys it's mostly the electric guys the camera guys they're making a hundred dollars a day max and they live out in santa clarita like those are the ones that just truly will never come back right and then this last strike put another fucking nail in that that's's right. Both strikes.

Could not be in production for four years, basically. I mean, the city's been disemboweled. Yeah, they were talking about just how much the strike cost Los Angeles. Just a strike. It's billions. Yeah, and a lot of production actually, get ready, you left Hollywood and tried to escape and it's coming to Austin. Is it really?

They're doing a lot of like the film tax credit thing. I think Bastrop, which by the way is awesome. Have you been out to Bastrop? Yeah, it's beautiful. Ryan Holiday has his podcast out there.

He bought like a bookstore. It looks like Mayberry. It's like this strip of like a saloon and a bookstore and like it's so cute. But Bastrop did, I don't remember

what the tv show was called that shot that had Elizabeth Olsen and it's supposed to be really good but um and there's a couple other towns that are building studios out here I know sorry coming to get you they'll come yeah they'll ruin it but I don't think they'll ever turn it into Hollywood no no no no what that thing was was a place that was created essentially when they realized that it never rains. They said, oh, we can film here all the time. And so they just started moving everything out there. And Johnny Carson moved out there.

And all these different things happened. And they're doing all these movies. And then the people that wanted to be famous moved out there, too. And even if they didn't make it in show business, they became dentists. They became doctors. They became those people populated the area. So there's like an ethic, like a way of thinking in that area that would prioritize fame above everything. And everyone that has other jobs there, they're just trying to get a reality show about their job.

That's true, too. Everyone that has other jobs there, they're just trying to get a reality show about their job. That's true, too. So I had a shoulder injury and I got this massage person, you know, to come help like stretch it out, whatever. And third or fourth session he comes, he's like, hey, I'm shooting a sizzle reel for what it's like to be a celebrity masseuse. Will you be on it? I'm like, what? Can you just?

I had a personal trainer who got a show at Netflix about being a trainer. I'm like, can anyone just do what they do without the end goal actually trying to be famous? Well, how about I'm a celebrity masseuse? Can I get a sizzle reel? What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know how to break it to you. You get famous for giving back rubs? Like, what are you talking about?

Truly. A celebrity masseuse? I know. It's just everybody's trying to get famous. And whatever vocation they're doing is just to try to get famous. I want to be a famous interior designer. I want to be a famous dentist. I want to be a Hollywood scientist. But also if you want to be more successful and get more clients, that is the way to do it.

I mean if you're utilizing social media, like if you're a trainer and you look awesome, you're going to get a lot of clients on social media just from that. You're going to get a lot of clients on social media just from that. It's actually a good marketing move, but it also has that gravity of possible YouTube slash TikTok slash whatever fame. And then you say, OK, I can make a living off of this. Yeah. There's just, you know, I don't know. I think for me, it's like what we do is like, you know, I was talking to one of your guys up front. And, you know, being a comedian, it's weird because it's like there's a point where you go like now that I'm having a kid and I'm kind of like, oh, you can't undo fame like you can't undo that. And I remember you could fade away. You can fade away. You can become irrelevant for sure.

Yeah. But especially at this day and age, you have to fight so hard to probably stay famous. But it's kind of like it's one of those things. I remember Bill Murray said one time someone asked him, like, do you hate being famous or something? And he goes, what I would say to people that want to be famous is try getting rich and see if you still need to get famous. Which I kind of liked because sometimes you're like, no, I just want to be able to pay my bills. But as a comic, I remember thinking like, no, you have to get famous for people to buy tickets there's no way otherwise like I got to get a sitcom so people know me and then they're going to come see me do stand-up I was just talking to Bert and he was he ran into a group of comedians that aren't doing so well and aren't selling tickets on the road they were asking to go with him and this and that

and you know and he's like oh Jesus like it's not easy for everybody. There's some people that for whatever reason, they never marketed themselves very well. They never got the attention they felt like they should have deserved. And now they're in their 50s and they can't sell out a club and they're fucked. And they can't make a living. So they're not paying their rent. And it's like, it's not good. Yeah. I mean, it's a tricky one.

And, like, not to, like, plug not good. Yeah. I mean, it's it's a tricky one. And like not to like plug the special coming out. And I know you and Matt Rife talked about OFTV. It's OnlyFans, the TV section where I'm doing their first special. But they're doing remember like Live at Gotham. Remember there was like Evening at the Improv. There used to be specials for comics that couldn't get the Netflix special, couldn't necessarily do the hour. If you were maybe like a quote middle class comedian, you could at least get screen time or get a good tape.

You could go on found or whatever. You could headline it on a road club. That like doesn't exist anymore. Right. You know? So it's cool that they're actually doing that so that comics that can't necessarily get the hour special or sell out clubs can at least get some kind of TV exposure because Comedy Central is just like a a square space at this point

it's just like a plug-in I don't even know how to get it yeah isn't it quickly how that dropped off from relevancy wild it used to be the most important thing to get on and that was just 10 years ago 2013

that was 10 years ago it was very important to get on Comedy Central like oh my god they had South Park. They had this. They had that. Chappelle Show. I mean, fuck.

And you could have a set from Live at Gotham. You could have your half hour premium blend. They'd put it on the improv website and you would, you know, be able to sell out a couple nights. Yeah. And then you could do local radio. Yeah. Which doesn't really exist anymore. Doesn't exist anymore either.

Yeah. You remember you would go in early to Chicago to do Man Cow or whatever? Whatever, yeah. Yeah, I used to enjoy those, and that's one of the reasons why I started doing a podcast. I used to think, boy, I would love to do a radio show, but who the fuck is going to pay me to do a radio show? I'm like, I'd ruin it.

I'd say something stupid. You know, it wouldn't work. You'd have to take notes. You'd have to. Yeah, I'd have to show up. I couldn't swear you know there was that's the weird thing like you think about the the rulings that they had on radio and how there's none on the internet that is crazy to think on the radio yeah you're at 5 a.m yeah if you said shit you were in trouble god if you said fuck the radio station would get fined like they could get fined hundreds of thousands of dollars like the stern

things that happened during the bush administration like people forget but there was no internet there was just stern and he was the only one like that that was just this wild boy on the radio in the morning and everybody tuned in to see what the fuck is he gonna say and during the Bush administration because he was like pretty critical of the Bush administration they went after him and they find his radio station I think they found find the company somewhere in the millions but don't you think that the more they find him it's kind of like the more when they try to cancel comedians, the more successful they get. It's like the more he just got more and more.

Well, he was already huge. Yeah. But I think it was very touch and go for freedom of speech. Yeah. Because they were just making these claims about certain things being obscene. And, you know, but meanwhile, that is. I mean, there were porn stars queefing on yeah normal stuff but like online now that's nothing you think about no one's trying to shut down instagram but

i watched two people get murdered this morning while i was taking a shit two different people but i feel like youtube is starting to age restrict and um i've got a couple things for my podcast age restricted becausericted because we said porn star people are saying corn star now which seems corn star seems way dirtier to trick the algorithm and vaccine you say you can't even say the jab anymore i don't know i think russell brand figured out something to say yeah if you say vaccine they'll special sauce yeah they'll demonetize you or they'll have a special sauce. Yeah, because they do use it. They use some sort of machine learning that picks up.

It's not like an individual reviews every single podcast. Right, right. But you can ask for a review if they decide that it's demonetized. But they also kind of weaponize that. It seems like that demonetization is a strategy to make you self-censor. Yep, 100%. And age restricting, like to put in your age and all that is such a hassle. But I know that I think me, Theo, Santino,

Bobby, we all, we bleep the first 10 minutes of curse words. Interesting. You kind of have to. When we left YouTube, when we announced that we were going over to Spotify, one of the first things that happened is YouTube stopped demonetizing us completely. They just said, okay, well, he's not going to be here for very much longer. He's only here for three more months. Let's make all the money. We didn't get, right?

Wasn't that the case? Did we get any demonetized once we make this switch? That's what it seemed like happened, but no one officially said that or did that or anything like that. What a diplomatic answer. Good job. And they're trying to say it's to protect kids,

which I'm all about protecting kids, but doesn't YouTube have their own kids channel, kids tube or something? Yeah, the thing is, like, people don't pay attention to what the fucking kids are watching. Yeah. So it's like we're doing the job of the parents. That's right. Do you remember when YouTube had that problem because there was cartoons

that seemed like regular kid cartoons, but then they would get like really violent and like Mickey Mouse would get super drunk and hit people over the head with bottles. Do you know that, I mean, half of porn now is like Shrek getting blown by Elsa from Frozen. Really? But also we grew up on like Ren and Stimpy and like Beavis and Butthead. I mean, that show is bonkers.

Wild. Yeah. But did you, were you aware of that whole trend where there was this like, so like say if a kid was watching YouTube and you're watching some cartoons, these people who made these cartoons, and I think they rooted out a lot of them and got rid of them, but these people that made these cartoons, they would figure out a way to get into that algorithm so that the kids, it would just play the next video and then play the next video. And then they would play one of these. And one of these videos, it was always weird. It's like someone would always get drunk. Someone would fall down, break their head open. There

would be blood everywhere. It was really weird. Is it like people trying to like psychologically harm kids or is it just an accident? I don't know what they were doing. But they were cartoons that seemed to be like regular kids cartoons, but they would follow a very specific pattern. There was always a broken bottle. There was always a lot of blood. But it was like Mickey Mouse and fucking Goofy and shit.

For instance, this is not like a well-known one. I just picked one. But this is like a bunch of known characters doing a bunch of weird shit. Yeah, but this is like live action This is what some of them were 100% right this channel has 700,000 followers but what's the Six point seven million views on this video It would fall into that it's honestly it's just algorithm. They were like manipulating the algorithm.

They're just trying to benefit off the algorithm. Anything that would click off of a kid watching Frozen or Elsa or Spider-Man or the Joker or anything and it would just hope that one of these

would eventually fall in there. So they're baiting kids with the iconic characters. Because kids are just watching it all day long. The amount of times the kids would watch Disney and shit on Nickelodeon

and it's kind of all gone away. you want to watch Elsa from Frozen. Sure, they don't know whether this is bad or not. But this doesn't seem as fucked up. A hundred percent this was, but it just started, people started getting crazier with it and crazier with it

and crazier with it. Then you would find some weird, I think people were making claims that there was then, like child porn stuff was getting mixed in here. Not fully on YouTube, but it was definitely, there were videos crossing a line. Like I have friends that used to, I almost did this when I was struggling for money back in the day uh you put up like football games or clips

from football games up you know they're going to get taken down but you can get like you know quick you know 50 000 views or something you know what i mean just like nfl they're gonna take it down but it's enough to get a check i think they catch it faster but that feels like what that is too right it's definitely a strategy it's just people you can sit at home and find a way to get money off of this system because there's so many holes in it. Because you know it's just going to pop up and a kid, it's going to say suggested for you, the kid's going to click on it and you're going to get paid. Jamie, what were those cartoons?

Have they rooted out all those cartoons? Are they gone? I mean- You know what I'm talking about, right? Remember those? Look, I just clicked on a different one. Look at the screen. Right below it is the Elsa Spider-Man cartoon thing.

Cartoon hookups. There you go. This is 600,000 people on this channel. This has a million views. Seven years ago. It's all just finding holes to get into this. Elsa and Spider-Man have sex? Look at Elsa's tits bouncing.

Her tits should not look like that. They're bouncing a lot. I see the whiskey in the corner. Batman's sad. Uh-oh. Batman in blackface. Offensive. This is easier to make than the live action one because one person can make this instead

of you needing seven actors to get together for a day. But like some kid in Pensacola made this. Most likely. I mean, I don't know for sure. But the weird ones were kids cartoons that were cartoons like Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse. You remember what I'm talking about? Which were pretty violent to begin with. This is just an extension of this.

This was a very deep network of all sorts of weird stuff. A lot of those are probably now taken down. This was six or seven years ago. I'm sure they've done some work to get rid of that. Just see if you can find any of those old cartoons because they were so weird. It didn't make sense. I'm surprised that they don't have more parental controls on YouTube.

Not that I'm advocating for it, but it must be a nightmare to be a parent. Well, just think about the sheer number of people that are posting things every minute of every day all over the world. I mean, the volume. There's an article from 2017, What is Going On? Spider-Man and Elsa have taken over YouTube, and it's confusing. Yeah. Yeah, if you're a kid and you just watched Spider-Man, you're just going to Google it all day. The videos are gone now.

That's going to be the thing. But this kind of makes more sense to me because it's like those two things were very popular at the time. There you go. It said having them get buried alive. There's an ungodly nightmare depicting everything from characters being buried alive to peeing on each other. What? Sick. See, these videos are all gone.

Oh, the videos are removed. They've definitely probably created a team to get rid of them. This created such a problem for them six, seven years ago. That makes sense. This is part of an adpocalypse. It was like Adpocalypse 2, I think, is what happened with this. Adpocalypse 1 was a whole different thing. Same reason they're in adult ones.

It keeps them glued to the screen. Yeah. It's just praying on kids. The whole thing is very strange. But it's also, that's what happens when you have these platforms where anybody can post anything. And then people try to figure out a way to manipulate it. What's the best way to get people to pay attention to your stuff? So the people at work there are constantly just whack-a-mole trying to get the toxic stuff down.

Look at how many people are doing these prank videos. They go up to people and prank them. And just to try to get reactions. People getting shot. See that guy that got shot in the mall? No. Some guy wouldn't stop fucking with this dude, and the guy just pulls out a gun and shoots him. Yes, I did see that.

I was going to say, malls seems like the most dangerous place to be at this point. Remember when we just walk around malls for five hours as teenagers with no money? Yeah, malls were like the playground for teenagers. Now it's just smashing crabs, people getting shot. I've showed you this before, but it's gotten way worse. On Twitch, which is supposed to be for video games, you know, like watch people play video games, maybe talk and do some interviews or podcasts.

They expanded it into this area now called Pools, Hot Tubs, and Beaches. And as you can see, it's just mostly 100% girls just sitting at a pool, hot tub, or beach. Mostly naked. Mostly on their knees. And most of this I found out after watching it for a little bit and doing some research. They're just leading to their OnlyFans account. Look at this one.

Yoga workout time. Look at the pose. Yeah, I'm doing yoga. The one in the corner. I don't think that's yoga. Look at my ass.'m doing yoga. I don't think that's yoga. Look at my ass. It's yoga. There's body painting that goes on where they're literally just like all butt naked with a little bit of paint covering the proper nipple areola area.

There's a lot of gals that are making a living doing this stuff these days. Yeah. Like way more than ever before. I mean, hey, it beats working at Walgreens. The pandemic is when it really hit hard, you know? I mean, I can't say if I was 22. If I was

22, I don't know what I would have done. I'd be out there doing yoga in my underwear if that's all I had to do. If OnlyFans was around when I was 22, I don't know if I wouldn't be doing yoga with raptors. The thing is, if you get in that, like there's two arguments, right? If you get in that ecosystem and that's what you do for money now and you start making a lot of money, you're going to get very accustomed to making a lot of money.

So if an office job comes up in the field of your choice and then they have to go, hey, Whitney, can you come in the office? Nope. We just discovered your Twitch underwear page. Tricky. Tricky. What's going on here? Yep. You represent this company, and we sell air conditioning units.

Right. It's like, you can't be. You might literally not be able to get a regular job anymore. That's probably true. But then here's the other thing. If you do get a regular job, like, what are you doing it for? You're doing it for money, right? Can't you make way more money showing your asshole?

Yeah. I mean, the heartening thing, actually, about OnlyFans is a lot of it is, like, women breastfeeding. Oh, boy. That's taken over Instagram, too. Imagine if you could have an image. You know how you could see likes and views? What if there was an image of every guy jerking off to you breastfeeding? Just like you could just pop up into a window and see like a thousand squares like what? Yeah, I mean, it's kind of there's something wholesome about it. And also, it feels like there's this I don't know, at least

on OnlyFans what i've seen because also i have an only fans account that's just for jokes so instead of dirty photos and dirty videos it's just dirty jokes a lot of like comics are starting to make money on there just put your jokes on there that you'll get canceled for saying it on twitter do it on it's kind of like patreon or whatever right because there's a lot of people that are like influencers and and um chefs and stuff like that on only fans, making money on there the way you would on Patreon. But it's interesting because remember, like porn, you used to develop a relationship with

one porn star. Like there's a lot of guys that kind of want to be monogamous with their person. And that's part of the reason these women are making so much money. They get tips. Oh, yeah. They have like Angela White. She came on my podcast. Her biggest moneymaker is DMing with men and sending them customized videos.

Men want to be shrunk and for her to put them in her pocket. And she just sends a video of her putting the man in her pocket. Remember that lit video with Pam Anderson when we were younger? Is that some weird fantasy back to that? Maybe. I think sometimes she eats them. For a little more, I think she'll eat them. But a lot of it seems like it's not just...

Because you can find buttholes and crazy sex anywhere on Pornhub. It's just some weird fetish. Like that? Remember that? It's like that exact thing. And she shrinks them down. She goes into Photoshop. She's very savvy with the Photoshop. Shrinks them and then puts them in her pocket. She goes into Photoshop. She's very savvy with the Photoshop, shrinks them,

and then puts them in her pocket. And that's it. Okay. So it's pretty wild. I don't know. I mean, it seems like there's like a, I think there's some men on there that kind of don't want to just see some stranger.

Because also you go on Pornhub and all these places, and you're like, I don't know how old this person is. It's a lot of stepbrother and steps. I don't know what I'm looking at. I'd rather kind of see a woman breastfeeding so i know that she's you know yeah well there's got to be weird kinks outside of just like regular sex stuff like how many guys like to get their balls stomped on what is that what is that i don't know that

can't be good i think some of it is CEOs. Being denigrated, being humiliated. I think there's some of these guys that are the head of these giant corporations. They're under so much crazy stress. And they take some sort of jolly and get kicked in the nuts and told what to do. Like dominatrixes, they'll tell you they deal with these, like, high-stress guys that run businesses. I have a friend that did that for a while. She sold – she would send guys – this one guy photos of her feet, but she would demand, like, money from him. That's what he was into.

Like, send me $100 right now kind of thing. And then she would insult him. She would just go to his house and insult him while he would jerk off. They called them humiliatrixes. Yes. Yeah. Like, okay. Cool.

I mean, I'm encouraged by how popular MILF porn is. That's very promising. It's very promising. Well, MILFs can keep it together these days. It used to be they didn't lift weights. There you go. They didn't take care of their nutrition. They didn't lift weights.

So they hit a certain point in time and, you know. Yeah. And then it was the MILFs that were like, they had that much sand left in the hourglass. And so they were really horny. Because they knew they only had like that much more time where men found them desirable. Interesting. Yeah. I don't know if it was that.

Because I remember, you remember when I made that robot for one of my specials. I went down to the robot making factory and they told me the most popular request for the sex doll nipples were large and brown. Like the nipple being like almost as big as the boob and dark, which is what happens when you breastfeed, your nipples get darker. So I thought it was some primordial thing. Ooh, could be. About like dark nipples or something.

Right. It could be. It's like a maternal thing. Or people are just, guys are watching MILF porn to be like, is that what my wife's supposed to look like? Maybe just comparing, I don't know. But it's always heartening

when you go to a porn site and MILF is number one. I'm like, yeah. Well, it's generally the MILF fucks the stepson. That's a lot of it. What is that? Well, the dad is an asshole. He was a shitty dad. He was never home.

He was mean. And then he gets rid of the mom and gets this new hot monster that lives in his house that's just a cock addict. Are we running out of taboos, guys? Are we running out of... When did sex get so boring, guys?

Well, that's the most likely one because you couldn't do it the other way i guess you could but it'd be way creepier yeah yeah you know it was a stepdad and the daughter yeah that's really creepy i'm good on that but right isn't it funny they do that i know they do that but isn't it funny that the stepdad and the daughter creeps me out but the stepson's like ha for some reason for ha. For some reason, what is that? It's like if you were to do like professor, student, you'd be like, ugh. But if it's like teacher and guy, you're like, oh, good for him. Yeah, I know. It's a tough one.

Yeah, but it's just we don't worry about boys the way we worry about girls. That's what it is. I've been trying to write a bit about this for so long, and I think there's a lot of reasons i can't crack it but it is really like when boys get molested nobody cares nope well they do if they get molested by men then it's murderous yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and if like an actress in la gets hugged too long in a christmas party like we shut down variety rights front page march The highways are shut down. Like everyone gets fired. It's interesting.

And then there's also that some women, particularly in Hollywood, they use seduction to ingratiate them with people. They will flirt with people to get closer to producers. And that's one of the reasons why, you know, who was the famous one that Tarantino told us about that had a bed in his office where he would bed starlets? And this was like, you know, back in the day in the early movie business. I forget who it was. Hitchcock? No, I don't believe so.

I feel like he definitely. But I'm sure it was a common practice. Yeah. I think all of those studio heads and all those executives like Harvey Weinstein was just one of many that's how they did it you got jobs if you blew guys

and there was a lot of girls that were willing to do that and the real actresses would frown upon it and they'd be mad but a lot of times they'd be boxed out and we heard those stories I told you about that time harvey weinstein came to the comedy store no he didn't he came to the comedy store who's came in the main room and i left and the manager at the time called me and he's like

harvey weinstein came to see you you need to come back here right now and the only reason i didn't go back is because i was like no he saw me in like good lighting like i don't want to i don't want to come back but that's hilarious miss my window yeah yeah you got lucky yeah you dodged that one i mean it is wild though like how i mean when i first moved to la people go yeah you gotta sleep harvard like it was just like people just said it like it was like ellen's mean like everyone just said it it's like ellen's mean and harvey weinstein Weinstein, he has to rape you for you to get a job. And you're like, cool, let me know. But he made deals with people, right?

Like, where he really did follow up on his deal. You won an Oscar. Yeah. You know, because Oscars are all bought. You know, it's a lot of money to win an Oscar. Is it really bought? How much of it's bought? I mean, Jamie, help.

I mean, it's pretty expensive from what I understand. I mean, you do also have to campaign. You have to go to these nursing homes because the voters are in nursing homes. I don't know how it works now. I think they've kind of, you know, I mean, George Lopez is on the board now. So I don't know exactly. Is he really? Well, yeah, they really wanted to make a big, make a big diversity push for the board of the Oscars.

Like South Park? Make it a girl and make her gay. So funny. But it is. It's a big campaign. You have to buy all these ads. You have to, you know. Yeah.

It's expensive. It's funny how that's still a big deal. Awards for art. I was thinking about this, the new special I did. I'm probably going to get in a bunch of trouble. Only Fans TV did let me yell about trans people for 30 minutes. But now that Ellen Page is a trans man, can she win an Oscar if she was emotional in a role? Or is that cheating?

Huh. Well, she's still a tiny man. You know? Yeah. So it's going to be difficult for her to... But if she can cry...

If she... He. If he can cry on cue... Is it cheating? Is it like... Depends on what hormones. Yeah. Like if he's jacked up on testosterone.

Okay. So should we have to do that kind of testing the same way you would test an athlete who is about to compete against biological females? You know, it's also interesting. If you become a trans man, you're allowed to be like as manly as possible. And if you become a trans woman, you're allowed to go full hoe you have to look like people celebrate yeah yeah they celebrate these embracing of gender norms of gender ideals they celebrate it when when you're trans yeah i make fun of all my like the trans girlfriends i have i'm like you know that women wear pants right like you know women we don't have to dress like

betty boop like why why are you wearing cat ears? They're trying so hard. But I think it's also, it's like if you're trying to make up for lost time, it's like, okay, maybe you wanted to be a girl when you were like eight. So you're dressing the way you, you know, like in a princess costume. Right. For 25 years, you held it back. Yeah. My thing is like if you're going to transition to a woman in 2023, you need to look like one of the boys from stranger things like this is how we dress now right we dress like

bull dykes now but they can't because it's got to be clear what you're doing yeah yeah you can't have no makeup on and short hair like what you have to really like indicate it a little more the elliot page one when he got fake abs is the wildest one. Is that like a surgery for fake abs? Yeah, they do surgery for fake abs now. They give you ab implants. I bet you could get neuticles too. What's a neuticle? You know how when some people will neuter their dogs?

Oh, and they give them fake balls? But give them fake balls. You'd probably get those too, don't you? I guess you could. Have you seen the pictures of the fake abs? You got to see this. No. Because it's so crazy. Because it would be like someone who only did sit-ups with like

a weighted vest on and dumbbells and like reverse squats. You would have to do like hardcore ab exercises to develop a core like this. And it's also no trans men transition to like a dad bod. I guess.

Chaz Bono. That's a good point. That's a good point. So if you get fake out, is it like calf implants? Yeah. And what happens if you actually start working out? They're hard as a rock. It's not hard as a rock, but it's like there's an implant

like a titty implant, that's under there that accentuates the area where you would have extraordinary abdominal muscles. Show the picture. Elliot Page. And it's just like a silicone? Well, 100% it's not real.

Because here's the thing. When you look at the rest, that one's one, but the one out in the light that you showed the first photo. Uh-huh. Like, those are giant ab muscles. Wow, wow. Like, to have ab muscles like that, you would have shoulder muscles, you'd have arm muscles, but he doesn't have either of those. He's got armpit hair.

Is that a merkin, or can you grow those? No, you can grow those. Oh, wow. Yeah. But, like, those abs are crazy. That's wild. You would have to be like doing some serious fucking sit-ups to develop abs like that. That's super intense. Because even if you're just flexing, like holding it for the camera with good lighting,

like those are extraordinary. Yeah, to have them like cut in like that. Yeah, but the rest of your body doesn't have any muscle development. I think that's a before picture. Yeah, that makes sense. That's skinny. And then on the right one, look at that. Those are giant.

How is there already a surgeon that does this? You know what I mean? They've been doing it for a while. Have they? Yeah, ab implants. You can see some horror nightmare story ab implants where they look super fake. Oh, look at that. This is what they do. So they slice you open,

shove these fucking things in there, and then all of a sudden it looks like you've got massive abs. I have a friend who used to work with David Copperfield and said after they worked together one night, they were in some hotel, and he went out on his balcony and saw David Copperfield's full body

muscle suit hanging over the railing to dry out. He wore a full suit underneath. Oh, to make it look like he had a great body? Yeah. Oh my God, that's insane. Like a superhero costume? Like a wax costume, basically, with abs and pecs. No way.

And then he put his shirt on over that? Yes, and it was hanging over the railing. It just looked like this. Oh. Oh. I know. Wild. That's a toupee times 100.

Yeah, that guy's wild. That's crazy. I didn't even know they had those other than like for movies. I'm sure he got like custom made because he's David Copperfield. Just go to the gym, you lazy fuck. I know.

Like how many days a week are you working on magic? Doesn't he have his own island? I think he's got like an island. Nice. I'm kind of into people that have islands right now. Well, he's been headlining in Vegas for so long. Is that real? Yeah, silicone.

What? Oh, that's an outfit. So if you look at the sleeves, you see how it fits over? Yes, exactly. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, he has like one of these. That's so great. I don't know. the sleeves, you see how it fits over? Yes, exactly. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He has like one of these. That's so great.

I don't know. Those are great tits, by the way. That's so... What? That is nuts. No oil and nonstick. No oil and nonstick. Ugh.

But imagine you're on a date with a girl and she sees that and she's like, that's my kind of guy. No. No. We're allowed to have push-up bras and no boobs underneath. That's my kind of guy. And then he's just like, push-up bras and no boobs underneath. That's my kind of guy. And then he's just like, well, you know, I got really sick and I got off Medicaid. A week ago you were jacked.

What happened? Where the fuck are your muscles? My wax suit melt. What is that? I don't know. Silicone pants for- Transgender realistic cross-dresser underwear. Oh, it's realistic.

Okay. That's realistic. Okay. Realistic is good. Is that like Luigi transition pubes? Like what are those black curly pubes? That's a cheap one made in China. Made in for China?

Boo! I like this new bit you're working on. I was thinking about it. I don't want to tell people what it is, but about China. I mean, they just took the pandas back. Yeah, fuck you and you can't have our pand. I mean, they just took the pandas back. Yeah. Fuck you. And you can't have our pandas.

That means they're going to nuke us. If they're like, get out the pandas. Why would they take three pandas back now? Because we're assholes. But what was the motivating? What was the impetus? Oh, I don't know. Biden has to live with the fact that under his presidency, we lost three pandas.

Yeah. Forget billions of dollars. The whole thing is spooky. Because they, like, if I was in another country, I'd be looking at America right now and go, if you're going to do something. Now's the time. Now's the time. When that Korean Jean-Pierre or whatever her name is got busted tweeting as Biden. Jean-Pierre or whatever her name is got busted tweeting as Biden.

The White House press secretary lady is the worst White House press secretary lady ever. I mean, just it's just weekend at Bernie's at this point. But she got caught tweeting as Biden. I mean, on her account. She forgot to switch accounts. No. Yes. Oh, Jesus.

You didn't see that? No. Jamie. Have we solved whose cocaine is in there? Hunter Biden's. It's Hunter's for sure. Yeah. The dude likes to party.

Oh, my God. That's the only reason why nobody knows whose fucking cocaine it is. That place has so many cameras. You're telling me they can't figure out who dropped the baggie. It's so true. And if he was there, he would give some to his dad so his dad can get through a speech. Mocked for deleted tweets saying she ran for president. So this is this is the tweet. So her tweet was investing in America means investing in all America. When I ran for president, I made a promise that I would leave no part of the country behind. No.

So she's tweeting as the president. No. But now we know who writes that stuff. No. Yes. She mistakenly logged into her Twitter account instead of President Biden's to post the tweet. Hilarious. All the people that are doing cocaine shouldn't be and all the people that aren't should be.

It seems like she could actually use some. Oh, she's probably just, I can't believe the job she signed up for. Like you think you're going to get the White House press secretary and then every day Biden's saying something dumber. There it is. Oh, my God. Every day Biden's saying something dumber and then the press is grilling you on it and you have to explain it away. I just don't understand why they can't put a little bronzer on this guy. I mean...

There's nothing you can do. He's at the end. I mean, he's basically... Joey Diaz said it best. He goes, they already got the formaldehyde in them. So dumb.

I have to pee. Can we take a break? I'm sure you do too. Oh, please. We'll be right back. A pregnant lady would love to. Biden being old? I mean...

What? I mean... Why does our president look like a condominium in Fort Lauderdale? I just don't, I can't imagine that they think he's going to run in a year for president. It's a year from now, November next year. Insane. And then he's going to run for four more years? He's going to be the president for four more years? Like, how?

Did you see the clip where he said, oh, God, it was so racist by accident. He was like, you know, something about the difference between poor kids and white kids. Yeah, poor kids are just as smart as white kids. Why did we not start the impeachment process right then and there? Did you see where he said recently that he taught at University of Pennsylvania for four years? Oh, my God. Never taught a single class. Oh, my God.

It is just the guy. He looks like the Nutcracker. Like the other countries are just like laughing at us, dude. It must be so fun for them to watch us implode. And if you literally, if you are Russian, I'm sure you've seen that Yuri Bezmenov video. Okay. You should see this. We shouldn't play it because we played it on this podcast too many times, but I'll show it to you afterwards. It's a former guy from the KGB who's explaining what they've done to America and how they've infiltrated their education systems and the demoralization of

America. And that this is a plan and it takes two generations. And he's talking about it's a 20-year plan. And he's talking about this in the 1980s. Wow. And that it's already been implemented. It is too far gone. You will not stop this process. This process, this demoralization of your country will be complete.

And it starts with teaching Marxist-Leninist ideas in colleges. Yeah. It's wild. It's wild because if this guy was just guessing in 1984 and it's not really like a long-term Soviet strategy to destroy America, that has been like super-duper successful. duper successful i mean feels like there's i don't know rfk jr but i'm not weighing in on the science part of it i just feel like if we had someone being like we're coming for you i mean his voice alone it's like i think everyone would be like damn they're not fucking around in america well i think their other country's biggest fear would be Trump getting back in power. Yeah. Yeah. Because he's the one guy that is, even though he's a business insider, he's a billionaire and all that good stuff, but he's not a political insider. And he does not work well with those people.

And he wants to do things his way. And I just think he's a much more formidable adversary for these countries. He doesn't fuck around with them. But he also will make deals with them, too. It's kind of crazy how he was—no one gave him credit for saying literally the most logical thing when he was talking to CNN's Caitlin, whatever her name is. I forget the woman's name. I'm sorry. But he was talking to her, and she said, do you want Ukraine to win this war?

He goes, I want people to stop dying. No one else will say that. Well, that seems like the most logical thing to say. Like, let's stop. Figure out how to get people to stop dying. Of course, it's a horrible war. You got people that were literally a part of the same union and now they're blowing each other up. I think we're getting to a point where people just want to see someone be fearless.

It's like the same person who's like, Rosie O'Donnell's fat. Yeah, is she not? Is she not? Like, I mean, it's funny, but it's also like it just boils down to, yeah, this guy will say the truth. What happened with, like,

Rosie talks shit about him or something like that? Is that what started that feud? I don't really know. Well, I think, look, we forget that he was the biggest TV star before he was the president. I mean, The Apprentice was massive, so I think he maybe knew biggest TV star before he was the president. I mean, The Apprentice was massive. So I think he maybe knew her from that and he called her fat.

I mean, remember? But people just, it boils down to like, yeah, she is. He's fat too. Yeah, exactly. Rosie, are you not? Like, I don't know, tell you. Like, so he's just saying the truth. And I think that it's like people are trying so hard just to get reelected instead of just tell the truth and serve their country.

And it's so obvious and transparent. And it's like the more it's like when that woman, E. Jean Carroll, came forward against him for like sexual harassment. And he was like, look at her. You think I'd harass her? I mean, just like the guy's unstoppable. That lady's a nutty lady. You ever seen that lady get interviewed?

No. Yeah. They try to keep her away from the cameras. Oh, boy. She's like an advice columnist or something. I don't even know who she is. She's a journalist. But she's eccentric. We're at the point where like, boy. She's like an advice columnist or something? I don't even know who she is. She's a journalist. But she's eccentric.

We're at the point where we're like, yeah, we're at war, you guys. We need someone who's just going to, like, say the truth. Well, also, like, what are our options? You know, what are the options? Yeah.

The whole thing is just so scrambled. It's a scary time. It's weird because it's just, it shows you the thing that you've already known but you didn't want to admit. That this system is not run logically and it's not run by someone who's like some evolved, experienced person who's, you know, got a real grip on how to run this system. Like, there's no one like that. They don't exist.

So you just have these special interest groups that are forcing things to get done that shouldn't get done. And money, getting jockeyed. You see that Zelensky the other day just asked for credit. He was like, if you won't give us any more money, please give us credit. Like, credit. Credit. So they can buy more weapons and shit. If you aren't going to give us money, give us credit and we'll pay you back.

It just seems kind of wild that we're sending all this money all over the world. Not that they don't need help, but it's like, what about people in America? What about Hawaii? What about Hawaii? We just forgot about Hawaii? Yeah. They accidentally spent an extra $6 billion on Ukraine. They sent an accidental $6 billion, which would be more than enough to replace every single home that burned in Maui.

And there was no consideration for doing that at all. And we don't have clean water in Appalachia or Flint. Do we have we solved that yet? Flint's fucked. OK. All right. And then everywhere else that has water is fluoride in it. Explain that.

Which that was wasn't didn't the Surgeon General do that in the 50s? Like, wasn't that something that was done by the Surgeon General? I would check his fucking stock market portfolio. And was the idea of that to help with dental stuff? Gary Brekker was talking about it on the podcast. I love that guy. Yeah, he's great. He said there's some evidence that it's a thin layer of protection that it can give you, but also brush your fucking teeth.

Flintwater criminal prosecutions end with no charges. Frustrated residents. Wow. No charges. This is just updated recently. This just happened. Well, it could have just been negligence and lack of I don't know what. I have no knowledge

about the Flint thing other than when Obama pretended to drink water from there. Can I get a glass of water? I'm serious. I'm thirsty. Can I get a glass of water? This is not a prank. It just goes like this. You never seen it?

No. Oh my god, it's amazing. It's amazing. It's amazing. He gets a glass of Flint tap water and I swear to god, he drinks it like this. Like this. Is he trying to act like the problem is solved? He's bullshitting the world.

To think that you could bullshit the world over whether or not you drink water. Have a sip of water. Also have that sip just for the. Come on. These people are drinking it. Get a little. Watch this. Look at this. Look at this.

Stop. Stop. Do it from the beginning. Do it from the beginning. It's two minutes. He's asking for someone to bring him some water and all sorts of shit. Yeah, it was. Come on up here.

Give me some water. He's just waiting for the water. He's trying to save time. They're straining the coal out of it in the back. But why would they be cheering when they're literally... I want a glass of water. I want a glass of water. He's literally drinking poison water.

They're drinking poison water, and everyone's cheering that he's asking for poison water. Because they're excited he's about to fall over and die? No, they're thinking, you know, he's showing us that he's going to fix it. I mean. Well, I'm still waiting for my water. Meanwhile, you know that's Fiji. Right now, they just ran to the grocery store in this amount of time. Now, the reason I know I'm okay is because I already had some Flint water.

Here we go. What? Here we go. Like, he's doing a shot of Red Bull. This is spooky. I really did need a glass of water. This is not a stunt. Usually, when something isn't a stunt, you have to say that.

It's 100% a stunt. When was the last time a president stopped a speech to ask, can I get a glass of water? They would never do that. They would have water ready for him. If you do stand-up, how often have you said, can I get a glass of water? Not often.

No, you bring a fucking water on stage with you. And then what happened? It still hasn't been handled. This is a drink. Gross. I mean, did it even get in his mouth? I mean, oh, it's Appalachia water, still from

Purdue poisoning the water like a lot of people that I went to high school with and stuff. Thyroid cancer at 40. Really? Yeah. From DuPont. I mean, so many chemicals have been thrown into Appalachia, but West Virginia water, DuPont put in all that. Remember there's that dark water?

There's a movie with Mark Ruffalo. Great movie. He did it again. Here's another one. Watch how he did it this time. Watch. Watch how he gets it up his mouth. Generally, I have not been doing stunts here, but, you know.

Oh, really? And this used a filter. You know, the water around this table was plant water that was filtered. And this used a filter. The water around this table was plant water that was filtered. But he didn't drink it. He did instantly start stuttering after he had a tiny bit of it. His eyes start blinking. Instant neurological damage.

So what was the Purdue thing? Was it something to do with the— I'm sorry, DuPont. DuPont. Sorry, DuPont. DuPont. Sorry, DuPont. It was Teflon. So the movie Dark Water covered it, but it was actually, RFK worked on this case back when he was a lawyer. Because you know, RFK spent so much time trying to clean up water,

which I really admired. But what Teflon was made of, they ended up just pouring into the- Dark Waters. Dark Waters. I never watched this. It's Who's in this? Amazing.

Mark Ruffalo. Tim Robbins. Tim Robbins. Anne Hathaway. And it's all about And it's all about the poisoning of the water in Appalachia.

He's a lawyer. And the lawyer who took on the case for free to try to take on DuPont. That looks like John Reeves, doesn't he? A shorter version of John Reeves.

Okay. Disgusting. Well, they've been doing that from the beginning of time. And then when they're not doing it here, they do it in South America. And what they're doing in Appalachia with the coal mines and all the pollution from that is really incorrigible. Yeah, it's all crazy.

It's pretty wild. We were looking at this video of this one town in Indiana where they have multiple coal mines in the area. And you go outside and these people have like a thin layer of soot that's on their windshield. And you just wipe it off with your finger. And so like you're breathing that. It's going into kids' lungs, yeah.

Everybody, a host of different sort of cardiovascular diseases and lung diseases these people have. Fuck. I mean, it's so heartbreaking. And I mean, I guess I don't know enough about the topic, but, you know, there's this great documentary called Hillbilly about the moment Hillary really put her foot in her mouth calling for clean energy. And she said it was not the deplorable speech, but she said, we're going to get rid of coal mining.

You guys did the best you could to keep the lights on. What? And by best they could, they died. Like I have a grandfather worked in coal. And what Massey Coal and Sinclair Coal, what they did to that region is so despicable. Because, number one, they wouldn't allow for unionizing. And it's a great place to union bust because people live so far apart. They would isolate the Italians from the Irish,

from the blacks, so that nobody would collude and unionize. But they would pay the coal miners in vouchers to the Sinclair oil store so that they could never build any kind of wealth. They built the schools. I mean, they own everything. Oof. You know? And it's a great documentary about how Trump put on a hard hat. He went to West Virginia and said, I'm never going to get rid of coal because I'm not going to get rid of your jobs. And even though there's only 50,000 left, it's like one of the most valuable in terms of voting areas of the country that people just ignore. People just never go there. Wow. It's heartbreaking.

But that's also centered the opioid crisis. So it's coal. It's Teflon. It's poisoning water. And then opioid there. Wow. It's heartbreaking. But that's also centered the opioid crisis. So it's coal. It's Teflon. It's poisoning water. And then opioid crisis. Yeah. There's spots in this country where you get a bad roll of the dice to be born in the fucking hillbilly commune in West Virginia. And like, fuck.

That's right. That's right. And there's a lot of like, you know, in the fact that it's thought of as this backwards area always breaks my heart because it was the first like woke state. It was the first state that said we're not doing slavery, said we're not doing slavery. John Brown left and said, we're not playing this shit. So were they just a victim of the fact that they had coal? Coal, yeah, came in being exploited, which is, you know, I mean, I don't know if this is exactly true or not, but people I know that are in the coal business there is like, you know, they've taken all of our natural resources.

If they hadn't mined all of our coal, like by now we would have diamonds, you know, like they've taken all the wealth of the region and it's just, it's totally devastating what it's done to the topography. I mean, the trailers, the, the, uh, boulders crush kids all the time because of the way that they've messed with the topography and completely just depleted the soil. Oh, so they'll have collapses and shit? Yes. Floods. Horrible floods. Dude, imagine being in one of those things when it collapses.

Can't. Can't. Can't. Probably be in that little Titanic easy-bake oven. There's one place that has coal mines that has a fire that's been burning inside that coal mine for like decades wow that makes sense i mean the fact that that i think about this all the time because i don't know if where you are on like ancestral trauma and epigenetic imprinting and stuff but i've always had a little bit of a like i don't like small spaces you know and my grandfather was in mines and sometimes that imprints on you. Look at this. Original cause and start date is still a matter of debate. It is burning at depths up to 300 feet over an eight mile stretch of 3,700 acres.

At its current rate, it could continue to burn for over 250 years. Due to the fire in the 1980s, Centralia was mostly abandoned. Can you imagine going a mile into the earth? See if you can find a video of that. Because there's videos of it. It's very strange. So this coal mine fire has been going on forever. And it burns underneath the ground.

And it's all coal. So it's never going out. And there's oxygen to it. So it's never going out. Since 1971? Wow. Fucking 1971? Wow. Fucking crazy. Dude.

I mean, they would burn it. It says it's been burning since 62. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's unfathomable. It's just coming out of the ground everywhere. Imagine you're driving through and there's no one there. That's some walking dead shit.

Can't. Too scary. And also, how bad does that air suck? That's the thing about the coal mining thing. It's like, what you really need to do is find other industries. Yeah, without taking coal miners' jobs, because it's like, it's this thing where they have this skill, and then all of a sudden it's's like we're going to get rid of your job. Well, remember learn to code?

That was the thing. They were telling them learn to code. Oh, God. Like what? Learn to code the robots that are going to replace you? Learn to get something that's going to give you a job is what the idea was. But it's like, fuck, what are you saying? It must be wild.

Like you're going to send kids to college soon. Like is that a weird, are you like, I mean, college, like. You know, I had this conversation with someone the other day where they were like, you know, kids today have it harder. I'm like, bro, kids were born before there were floors. No, no, no. You know, there was no, they hadn't invented floors yet and people were having kids.

Yeah. It's complicated for sure. It has always been complicated. Every single time human beings have been alive, it's been complicated. These are different complications that our kids are dealing with than we dealt with. And every generation has probably said that, right? Yes. This is the hardest generation for kids.

Or the weirdest. Like the 80s are probably weird compared to the 70s. Also, kids used to work in factories. Oh, yeah. That's the other part of that dissolving illusion. Some still do. Burning Mountain is a rare phenomenon A coal seam buried 30 meters underground Which has been burning for at least 5,500 years

And some say over 15,000 years Where is that? It's in Australia? Fuck Is that how we found fire? Did we just stumble across it? I think it was lightning Interesting

Did we really come up with it? I think it was lightning. Did we really come up with it? I think it was lightning. I think that's what the current belief is, that originally they carried fire from one place to another. They would get the coals, and they would figure out how to maintain it because it was so precious when it happened, and they figured out how to keep fires lit. If you have a fire pit somewhere, like a water pit that you're used to going to get water

from and you just go walk and get more fire when you're out of fire, you don't need to worry about making it because they have it. Were there brush fires back then, the way they are now? Yeah, for sure. I'm thinking of it as a super baseline, like we don't know what fire is, but it's over there so we can just go get more of it. Well, I think for sure when they first found fire, they said, you know, it's kind of nice to get close to this.

It's kind of warm over here. And then they probably figured out, well, you just put more wood on it. You can make it more fire. And then they figured out you could pick up the part that's not on fire and take it over here, and now you can have a fire over here. Throw your enemy on it. Yeah, how do you make one of those things? Yeah.

Then someone figured out, you know what? Friction makes fires. The first dude that figured out how to do this. That's, was had OCD. Have you ever done that? Severe schizophrenic. Made a fire like in Girl Scouts or something. Yeah, I did it in the Boy Scouts.

It takes forever. And I don't think I ever really got a fire. I think I got to where it was blackened, you know, from the friction. It was like got a little bit red, but I never really made a fire. I wonder if they teach now in Girl and Boy Scouts like just using the mirror and the sun. Doesn't that? I once had a, my couch, there was like a CD. Remember the old school CDs that like, and it made the sun hit it and it burnt my couch.

Do you know that that's the way that some people sabotage fields and start wildfires? They set up magnifying glasses at an angle, and then they just leave the space. Like they're competitors or something? Well, I don't know why and who, but I know that they have found magnifying glasses set up outside where people have decided that the sun's going to hit here, it's going to burn this, and they can just set it there at night and leave. That's pretty crazy. Yeah, and it works.

That really works. That works. Like, I did a lot of that as a kid. We lit paper on fire and shit with magnifying glasses. It's kind of nuts. I mean, I guess kids were always doing dumb shit. Now they just film it, huh? Mm-hmm.

Always. But that's a pretty wild one, that you could take a magnifying glass and start a fire pretty quickly. Oh, yeah. When we were kids, we would try to kill bugs and shit. How wild is that? We were monsters. When people say kids now,

they leave negative comments. I'm like, we used to take shovels and knock over mailboxes. People used to play baseball with frogs. Oh, God. We used to toilet paper people's homes. We used to throw eggs at people's cars. Now you get destroyed emotionally for maybe a couple minutes because you feel left out or you got a negative.

We used to destroy property. Kids used to take rocks and put them in the middle of snowballs and then throw them at cars. Yeah. That's brutal. Yeah, it was crazy. You'd always hear cars hit the brakes. You motherfuckers. I mean, why did we do that?

We would take a shovel, drive by a mailbox, and just level it. Because you could. Because it's there. Psychotic. You ever go to like a small town and you see bullet holes in the stop signs?

Yes. That's what that is. Fuck yeah. Bang. I mean, now it's just filmed. Yeah. I guess. I guess that's the new Darwinism

is are you going to film yourself doing it? Well, how about those kids that film themselves riding over that former police chief in Vegas? I haven't seen this, but I did see a couple people die doing a TikTok challenge, doing a backflip off of a boat. Something like over 400 people have died so far taking selfies. Oh, at least. At least. How many people have fallen off mountains?

Just backing up. That shit always happens. Yeah. Oh, at least. At least. How many people have fallen off mountains? Just backing up. That shit always happens. Yeah! So what happens is because you're so focused on getting the photo. I mean, there's a video of, I think it's in India, a guy taking a video of himself next to a wild bear as the bear eats him. Oh, God. And he's not, everyone else is filming it, but like he just keeps filming as he gets eaten.

Yeah, people are, if nothing's happened to you, you don't think it's going to happen to you? It shuts off your frontal lobe. That means it's truly a drug. Is this the guy? He's taking a selfie? Oh, God. I think it's... Yeah, it starts with him taking a video and just...

Oh, God. And that bear's just like, well, you're meat. Yeah. You're made out of meat. I'm fucking hungry. Oh, God. I don't think he, well, you're meat. You're made out of meat. I'm fucking hungry. Oh, God. I don't think he survives this, right? Yeah.

Yeah, probably not. Probably not. God, that fucked up my algorithm for a while. But wait, what is the one that the person died? Oh, yeah. These two kids were driving in a car and he was on a bike and they fucking plow into him, and they're laughing about it. And they filmed it and live-streamed it. They hit one car, hit and run, and they hit this guy and killed him.

And it was initially reported. A lot of people, like, tried to say that they're trying to downplay crime because it was initially reported that he just died from hit and run. And they were like, they don't even want to say why he really died. No, they didn't know why he really died. It took like two weeks before they figured out these kids killed him. Jesus Christ. Yeah. And no remorse.

They're laughing in court. They're giving people a finger in court. Is this like psychopathy? Yeah, it's psychopathy, but it's also street cred. They're trying to pretend they're hard. And then you go, has this always happened? We just didn't see videos of it. Like we've always done savage shit.

Well, for sure there's always been gangbangers and gangbang initiations and people have always done fucked up things. It's just always been a part of human culture. But it's just seeing young kids run over an old guy on a bicycle is particularly fucking disturbing. I wonder, though, do you think that having all these videos available desensitizes? 100%. Wow.

Yeah, I think 100%. I think there's a bunch of factors that desensitize people. I think movies, violent movies. And this is not a judgment. Like, I'm not saying we shouldn't have violent movies or we shouldn't have violent video games. But if you don't think it's affecting people, of it is you're being so much you're so accustomed to seeing violence yep and wild horrific violence i really try to not watch like too much news or read too much news because it spooks me how i can just scroll past a school shooting which is like

yep i'm like right i remember when newtown, I was at a job where we sent everyone home. Like we sent everyone home when that happened. You know, it was like I cried. Now everybody would be like, oh, yeah, another one. I'm worried about my brain that I could just scroll right past that. We should be. It's free. It's a factor.

You know, there's something going on. There's something going on with us with this prolonged exposure to horrific things. Sagura and I have this text message chain where every day we send each other the worst things that we find. I cannot even imagine. It's almost like we're waiting for someone to cry uncle. We do it every day. Every day we send each other. And I always tell him when he's taking a shit because it gets up at like 2 o'clock in the morning.

And I always tell him when he's taking a shit Because it gets up at like 2 o'clock in the morning Some fucking Some horrible car accident Some horrible animal attack Remember when like there used to be like one video Every couple months that would be like Remember two girls one cup Like that was like

And that was fake that was like ice cream Whipped cream or something Like I remember when that happened Everybody had seen it now that's just yeah now it's nothing when you realize how extreme that seemed at the time I know and that was a big deal like there was a reaction the two girls one cup reaction video yeah so much people watching it yeah but now you see ten times worse than that on a daily but if you have my algorithm you know my, my algorithm is a mess.

I don't know how to clean it. Do you think it's like part of your brain? Like, because like, it's like, what is it? Rubbernecking? Is it kind of the same thing in the brain where you see it accidents? Like you're trying to study it? There's also like, you can't believe you're really seeing it. Like the hit and run that I saw yesterday.

I was like, whoa. That's wild. You saw that. Dude, I saw it as far from here as the door to this studio is. It was two car lengths away. They say that when Fast and Furious movies come out, car accidents go up. Oh, for sure. Right?

Yeah. Yeah, the type of people that are pumped that are Fast and Furious movies out, they shouldn't be allowed to drive. Yeah. There's always so much more drag racing when that happens. Street takeovers. I do feel like that's probably always happened but also it's like you know people i mean in rome people would used to go to the coliseum to see people get torn apart we used to go to the town square and watch people get hanged for entertainment i mean this is in us and also there's something that we're aware that we're very, very vulnerable. So if we can watch something happen to someone that exposes that vulnerability, we want to see it. We want to see the explosion.

We want to see someone drop a fucking grenade off a drone into some dudes that are in a pit. We want to see it. And I want to know, it's like your brain's way of rehearsing in case it happens. Someone recently was talking to someone about dreams and nightmares. And they were like, nightmares is your body's way of like preparing for a scenario do you have more nightmares after watching these not really this movie the program they had to cut this out and this was probably 91 92 because people were dying apparently i think a few kids died because they were drunk and then laying in traffic like he does in this scene right here. Oh, God. I remember this.

Oh, God. He doesn't get hit, obviously, but they're just crazy drunk 20-year-olds. The kids were doing. Oh, we definitely did that in Virginia. What else was there to do? I never heard of anyone doing this. Really? Not until the movie came out.

You would never go sit in the road? What? That was like our main hobby. What are you talking about? You guys would go sit in the road? Yeah, of course. Jesus Christ. Did you see that guy in Venezuela road? Yeah, of course. Jesus Christ. Did you see that guy in Venezuela?

I think it was. Was it Venezuela or somewhere where he shot a stop oil protester? Some guy just got out. He's an American. I have seen this. They were blocking the road. I don't know if it was a stop oil. It was some sort of a protester.

Like sitting on the ground. This guy gets out, pulls out a gun, and just fucking shoots people. Is it this? No. It's like a ranger? No. Oh. Because I've seen the rangers drag him out of the road.

I'll send it to you, Jamie. The video's available online, but this guy just pulls out a gun and starts whacking people. 77-year-old man from... Oh, I got Panama. I got it here. Is it Panama? Yeah. Oof. I got it on the screen. Oh screen oh this guy i wouldn't fuck with that guy yeah there's a video of it he just they stopped the traffic and he walks up to

them and he pulls a gun out and fucking whacks them i do enjoy seeing uh someone who's like holding up a convenience store or something and then a pedestrian just pulls their gun out and handles it yeah okay I just opened up my thing and another guy just stabbed someone this guy walking this slow

yep he pulls out a gun yeah I'm not sure I'm going to show this on the internet they can find it themselves oh oh he's waving it He pulls out a gun. Yeah. I'm not sure I'm going to show this on the internet. Yeah. Oh. Oh, he's waving it. Yeah. He moves the stuff out of the way, but one guy gets in the way, and he just fucking shoots him.

Kills him? Yeah. Oh, boy. Right here. He starts moving. He's like, I got. They're talking shit to him. He's got to get to the urologist. Watch the guy with the blue hat.

Once you get to that age, he's like, I have five more years to live. I'd rather go to jail than sit in traffic. Jesus. He's got his finger on the pistol, too. His finger on the trigger. Why is anyone starting shit with him? Oh, he just shot. Well, they don't show this in this video, I guess.

They show right after it. Let's see. What did you think was going to happen? He shot two guys. But there's a video that you can see him actually shooting people. We don't need to be reposting that. Yeah, we don't need to see it. But these fucking idiots that just block the road as if that's somehow or another going to fix everything.

Or the ones that go to fucking art galleries and smash paintings. I do think that there's a little bit of an invincibility complex that comes in with knowing you're being filmed. Like, they probably think, oh, there's a camera here. He's not going to shoot us. Right. You know what I mean? Like, there's almost like...

He's probably got cancer. He's 77 years old. He doesn't give a fuck. That's Clint Eastwood in every one of his movies. Yeah. Like, don't fuck with that guy. But I do think sometimes people think, oh, there's a camera rolling. No one's going to hurt me.

But it's like, that's not how everybody thinks. It's... that is so, the idea that I'm going to throw soup at a painting. Yeah. And I'm going to glue myself to the wall. To stop. I mean, when I also try to go like, okay, when I was in college, I had a lot of really dumb ideas. That's what you're supposed to do in college.

You're supposed to have dumb ideas. You're supposed to like be wrong, you know? But like the idea that we're taking any of this seriously, like is this wild? It's just these like dumb virtue signaling kids that think they're going to fix the world by gluing themselves to a wall. You fucking idiots. But isn't that – I look at them and I go, this is like a medication mental illness issue. It's a mental illness issue. It's a virtue signaling thing that you can do that now and get exorbitant amounts of attention where you couldn't do that before.

And then also the punishments are so minimal. It's not nothing that you have to worry about losing your livelihood and the rest of your life being a disaster because of it. Like I say this as someone who had blue hair. Don't let anyone with blue hair in the museum. But, you know, that's not the problem. You can have blue hair in the museum. But, you know, that's not the problem. You can have blue hair and be cool. The problem is these fucking young kids, and most of them come from wealthy families. That's the take.

They probably had a Monet in their house, and they have no respect for this shit. They just think they're going to. But the fact that you're doing these priceless works of art from people who died centuries ago, and your cause, you think, eclipses everything else. These people are there enjoying this art. They have nothing to do with the oil industry. They're just enjoying at a museum the ability to stand in front of something that Picasso made.

Like, this is wild. And is the idea that it's going to help with global warming? We're going to yeah stop oil now see the children they're fucking children i have some aunts in virginia and they're so funny about the global warming thing they're like it's freezing we can't afford heat we'd love for it to warm up a little bit i always call them for a little perspective they're like we take the bus we would love for there to be less snow on the ground i'm always super suspicious about something that becomes like a major movement that everybody has to be on board with.

Yeah, yeah. The bottom line about the earth, we are 100% affecting it. It's measurable. Human beings, our carbon dioxide output, in particular our pollutants, 100% what we're doing to the ocean, we're affecting the world in a negative way. 100% what we're doing to the ocean, we're affecting the world in a negative way. However, when it comes to the climate, when it comes to the temperature of the earth, it has never been stable, ever, ever. When you look at the earth over a course of 10,000, 15,000, whatever years,

it goes up and it goes down. I was reading this whole thing about how in Idaho in, I i think it was july or august of the 1930s had reached a temperature of 118 degrees like the highest ever recorded temperature there was nothing going on there there was no fucking wholesale machines running and fucking diesel trucks everywhere there was none of that it It was just, it's not stable. The whole time the earth has been here, it goes up and down. And what Randall Carlson always says, he goes, yeah, global warming, it's bad because you have to move away from the coast. He goes, but global cooling is what's really scary.

That's what's really scary. Right. Because if we had another like legitimate ice age, the fucking most of North America was covered in a mile of ice. Wild. Up until 11000 years ago. It always gets tricky, too, when the solution to the problem makes politicians richer and everybody richer. Yeah. Industry richer. And people have a vested interest in pushing that narrative financially. And I'm not the person to be able to corroborate, but Schellenberger. Michael Schellenberger was about these windmill farms that they were putting in the oceans that was killing all these whales and stuff. And you're like, why is the pro-environment solution killing so many animals?

It definitely does. Yeah, it's a fucking mess it's a mess but it's also people want to be on the side of something they want to be against this against oil against that instead of everybody working together figure out like what do we need to do to ensure the future and it's definitely not empowering these people that want to take away all your autonomy and all of your control. That's not how to do it. That's not how to do it. It seems like it's like, and I love what you, like your philosophy on hunting, because like factory farming, like what they do with the cows and stuff they're saying is like such

a problem. Yeah. Most factory farming is horrific. People should start hunting their own food. That's hard too. Right. Most people don't have time. Yeah.

They're not going to, they don't have the interest, which I get too. The real way to do it is regenerative farming. You can get regenerative, like whether it's from white oaks pastures or polyface farms, there's a bunch of regenerative farms right here in Texas that are organic farms. You could find them. They sell locally. They're grass fed meat. These animals are just roaming around in a pasture. they're grass-fed meat these animals just roaming around in a pasture it's all ethical that's what you want you don't you know you don't necessarily but then again if you're going to have a city of like 20 million people and there's no one growing anything other than weed yeah you're gonna you're gonna have to get food to all those people how does jack-in-the-box get their burgers

well they have to have factory farmers i can't remember what the country is that gives everybody two chickens. You know, like I was reading about something in Hawaii where they're trying to get rid of all the fruit trees and stuff. So people can't even just get their own free food. They can't even grow their own shit. Why would they do that? I don't know. I'm in a deep algorithm. Yeah.

Disney dick algorithm. But it's like there is. I follow a couple. I'm learning how to pickle. Are you really? Yeah. Preserve are you really yeah just to be able to preserve things yeah just to be able to grow your own food and be able to once you have a baby you're gonna move to the mountains or something I think so

I think I might you know I'm looking at places in Texas I really want to just be a full on Dr. Quinn medicine woman yeah that would be awesome and you could have zebras out here oh sick did you hear that I'm sold that was so. That was so real. That was so real.

Oh, sick. Whitney's going to have a fucking zebra, 100%. Did you hear about who's the big drug dealer in South America? Pablo Escobar. His hippos? Hippos, yeah. Are like overrunning Colombia. Yeah, they're everywhere.

Fucking killing everybody. They say in 20 years there's going to be a thousand feral hippos. I'm like, put me in, coach. I'll take those hipp's going to be a thousand feral hippos. I'm like, put me in, coach. I'll take those hippos, move to Texas, zebra's hippos, chickens.

Oh, hippos are fucking dangerous. Just start, oh, they're so violent. They're fucking dangerous. They're awesome. That's a crazy animal. They kill more people in Africa than any other animal. Is that true?

I think, yeah. I think they kill a lot of people every year. I think it's hundreds of people every year die from hippos. Just by charging or they? They eat you. Yeah. They just smash you in half of people every year. I think it's hundreds of people every year die from hippos. Just by charging or they- They eat you. Yeah.

They just smash you in half. It's fucking wild, dude. When you see them eat a watermelon, you're like, ah. Dude, that's your head. I love that Pablo Escobar just had that. I wonder, is that part of how he killed people? Just throw them to the hippos? Probably.

Yeah. I bet. Why not? I bet he killed people every different way you could think of. I mean, when you're on Coke and you're a billionaire and you're running an entire country with bullets. That's such a funny way. Just like, ah, this is a hippo. This is a hippo guy.

But I do. I want to start doing all that. I want to start growing my own food. I'm getting into it. You should. Yeah, you can have your own small farm and just completely exist off of your own land. Yep. That's totally doable for someone. And that's literally what people used to do. Yeah. In the early days of America. I mean, even like it's, you know, I'm, you'll love this. I'm pretty much only eating steak and eggs right now.

You know, being pregnant, I feel better pregnant than I felt not pregnant. Because when I wasn't, I was eating what I thought I was supposed to eat. I got to eat vegetables and oatmeal for breakfast. I was eating so much sugar and trash. And when you're pregnant, you only eat what you're craving. Like your body is like tonight you're having a steak, two eggs, one scoop of peanut butter and four raspberries. So you just did it out of desire? It's just all I'm craving. Interesting. It's all I I'm craving. Interesting. It's all I've been craving. Everything else kind of made me nauseous

or made me feel run down. Like I have, but also, this is going to probably get me in a little bit of trouble. I'm also obviously not on birth control. And I was on birth control for a while. And if it works- Why would that get you in trouble?

I just, look, birth control was just not good for me personally. But I think there's a lot of problems with it for almost everybody. And there's's a lot of problems with it for almost everybody. And there's also a lot of problems with maybe having – I'm glad I didn't have a kid at 25 either. That would have maybe been a problem too. But my energy levels were low. I was always – I mean there was one I was on last year that made me like pretty manic.

Manic and what they say is they say, oh, it makes your body think it's pregnant, right? I've now been pregnant. It's not the same. It is not the same at all. Because I was like, oh, like being hypervigilant, being a little paranoid, being kind of always a little bit tired, putting weight on. Like that's not my experience now that I'm actually pregnant. And I feel like I lost a lot of time mentally to being on birth control. Interesting.

So it affected your thinking process. I feel like now I'm so much more mentally clear. I mean, there's a lot of other variables. Like, you know, I started, you know, I, you guys saw. I went through, you know, kind of a little bit of a rough patch, lost my mom, was smoking too much weed, which I'm sure I could do again in the future. Like, I just, I was doing it to check out instead of check in. I was doing it to numb myself from, you know,

pain. But my mom was dying right in front of me in hospice and I couldn't cry. And I was like, this is weird. It's weird. I mean, he, she had been in a bed for 12 years. I was kind of slowly grieving it, but it's not normal. And I was like, I got to go off birth control. There's something off here with my emotions, you know? And look, all my exes listening love you, but it also makes you attracted. You smell pheromones differently. Right. You know, women that are on birth control,

there was a study where they're attracted to men with more feminized faces. They say that you should go off birth control for a year if you're engaged to a man before you actually get married just to make sure that you're still attracted. Really? Because it hacks your body chemistry so much. You look for a different kind of man when you're pregnant versus when you're not. So, yeah, all the hormones, I think, really did a number on my brain.

My sex drive was really low. I had no energy, but it makes sense. I mean, they're monkeying with your hormonal balance to trick your body into thinking that it's pregnant so that you can't get pregnant. And you're taking it every month forever and ever. Yep. And some people get blood clots. A friend of mine, 17 year old daughter, apparently if you smoke cigarettes, it's very dangerous to be on birth control and smoke cigarettes that's really dangerous they put me on it i mean when i mean these studies are all public but when they first tested it in the 70s i think at least 13 women in

puerto rico died um from taking it you know and then also in addition to the hormones there's all the endocrine disruptors and hormone shit that were you know there's a lot of other variables too that are probably exacerbating it. But I just felt like a zombie a lot of the time. And then they put me on Adderall because I was too. And then it just becomes this whack-a-mole thing where you're like, how about instead of adding all these other things, I just subtract this thing. And then I was put on Prozac.

And then I was like smoking weed to try to fall asleep because I couldn't sleep. But then it was like, I just need to get off all of this, you know. So in January, I just went off literally everything. Well, you seem remarkably balanced. Oh, thanks. You do. You're like, you're there all the time because sometimes you would be off to the races. Yeah.

I mean, I definitely am an intense person, you know, just by default. But I think that being on birth control, like I was just I was kind of like exhausted and manic at the same time all the time. It makes sense. You know, and it does put you in a state of hypervigilance, you know, being pregnant. Yeah, I'm nesting. I'm, you know, want to be organized. Obviously, I'm thinking about, you know, the kid, obviously, and taking care of myself. But I look back at the time that I was on a lot of that birth control shit and I it's also people say well you

know birth control led to this sexual revolution where women had freedom they could do whatever they didn't have to worry about being knocked up by a guy if they wanted to have recreational sex and so people plotted it for that. But no one thought about the long-term consequences. And then also the difference in how people interact with each other. There was a consequence when people were living in the 1930s or whatever. You could get pregnant. Everyone was aware of it. There was a danger to it.

And when you could just take a pill and not sweat it, You could get pregnant. It was a way everyone was aware of it. Like there's a danger to it. And when you can just take a pill and not sweat it, then it's just like this change in your natural behavior. And yeah, I guess I feel like I stayed in a lot of I mean, granted, look, I not that I was ready to have a kid before now, not that I was ready to commit to anyone like that. I wasn't fully cooked as a person yet or whatever, but I found myself staying in a lot of relationships that I probably shouldn't have stayed in that if I hadn't been on birth control, I'd be like, Oh, this isn't the father of my kid. I should move on.

Or, you know, or you end up having, getting chemically addicted to somebody through having good sex with someone or getting all the oxytocin or whatever. And then you end up staying in a lot of relationships you maybe shouldn't stay in instead of just working on yourself. You know,

I initially went on it. So crazy. I think about all like the weird, you know, cause I used to do for money when I first moved to LA and I was broke, I would do focus groups and I would, you know, take these experimental pills and do these like clinical trials and stuff. But when I was, I want to say 15, I went on Accutane, which is that acne medication and they make you take birth control simultaneously. So that's the first time I went on it at 15 years old. So I was on Accutane, which, you know. Santino said it was the worst thing he ever took. I mean, the main side effect is anal bleeding.

That's the main one? Yeah. It's like, and you can't absorb vitamin D well. I mean, there's a lot of problems. It made Santino look super depressed. Really? Yeah. He said it was fucking horrible, but it did fix his acne.

Yeah. It works. It's a miracle. I mean, because it shrinks your, I think it's a huge dose of vitamin A, I believe is what it is. Please correct me if I'm wrong. But it shrinks your oil glands. Some patients may develop tears in the lining of the anus,

which may cause pain and bleeding, especially during bowel movements. Duh. When's it going to cause pain? I know. It's like, but my skin's all scared up. You take massive shits and your shit pipe is ripped open. You know, so I was put on it at that. And I just think about, like, all the prescription drugs.

Like, I was put on it at such a, you know, young age. And, you know, God, what put on it at that. And I just think about like all the prescription drugs like I was put on at such a young age. And, you know, God, what kind of impact that had. There's so many people that are on them and so many people that are young and they don't even get a chance to make that decision for themselves. Yeah. They're certainly not making an informed decision. And so many parents are just listening to their doctors and doctors are just pill pushers. Yeah. And I was actually put on.

I mean, this was a couple years ago um the uh and i didn't take it that much but um five milligrams of time release adderall to sleep so i guess it's like if you actually have sort of adhd adderall calms you down and um i'm like maybe i just need to be tired longer maybe i just need to get up and do some shit maybe i just write some jokes. Like maybe I just am going to go to sleep a little bit later and wake up a little bit later. And there's another one, like the Ambien people. People that have to take Ambien to go to sleep. Dude, have you taken it?

No. Oh, dude. You should try it. It's everyone that takes Ambien, I'm kind of like, my man. Like I've taken it before. It's pretty amazing. The problem is I think you try to fight it because it feels good. that takes AME and I'm kind of like, my man, like I've taken it before. It's pretty amazing. The problem is, the problem is I think you try to fight it because it feels good. And I would wake up the next morning and there would just be like open cans of peas that I would sleep eat.

I would wake up. I remember one morning I woke up, I thought I'd been shot. I was like covered in barbecue sauce. I had just like eaten barbecue. It makes you do wild shit. Every now and then I'm like, we should probably at least try the drug that everyone's on, going crazy on just to see. The problem is if you like it. That's the problem. It ruins your life. That's what I'm worried about with a lot of drugs. I'd love to try Adderall.

But I don't want that to be a thing that I lean on sometimes. When I wrote a book, I took it a couple times, like 20 milligrams. Like you got to really make sure, like we already are pretty motivated people. You got to really make sure that you lock into the thing you want to focus on or else you'll just be all over the place. Yeah. Or you'll just be like cleaning one thing for four and a half hours. You know, you know what I mean? Like that's meth behavior too. Isn't it boiled down to being meth? It's pretty close. It's definitely meth's cousin. And what's the difference between that and Ritalin? Because I know, sorry, Ritalin. I

know people that are still on Ritalin. Yeah, Ritalin's a little bit different. And Modafinil is another one, right? That is Provigil. Oh, Provigil. Provigil and NuVigil. And those are, originally they were drugs I believe were developed for performance enhancing, like for cognitive performance. But then they realized that you can't prescribe it for that. So they started prescribing it for narcolepsy. But it keeps you from going to sleep. But it doesn't, it's a weird one, because it doesn't make you feel like you're high. But it just, there's an interesting reaction that your brain has. a lot of people are on it

a lot of people are on it and it's so effective that i think tim ferris said when he was writing his book about different hacks that he didn't put it in there because he felt like people would be like candy yeah i mean i gotta say when we were doing the roasts last year, a lot of the writers and comics, they were doing the chocolate, like mushrooms and chocolate, like three milligrams mushrooms and chocolate. And I did that. And that felt like I felt so clear. I felt energized. I was like. Microdosing.

Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's a good move. Whatever my brain chemistry was, I thought it would like chill me out and make me sort of like, you know, numb or not funny. Like it made me feel very because maybe I wasn't bogged down. And I don't know what it does. Makes you feel like there was no negativity towards myself. I was I would like pitch a joke and not be like, oh, that was a stupid joke.

You idiot. Like this or the voices went away. And I found that. oh, that was a stupid joke, you idiot. Like, so the voices went away. And I found that to, but then I did a little too much and started, and scheduled a call with a maritime lawyer

to look for the Scientology ships. So I- Why did you want to look for the Scientology ships? That's what I just said. Find the homeless people? I think I should- Where are they putting

the homeless people? It just, I, there's, with me, it's like the microdose has to stay micro or else I really need to know where Shelly Miscavige is. Is that a thing? I mean, my guess is she's probably involved.

I don't think she's an innocent. Everyone's like, where's Shelly Miscavige? Let's find her. I'm like, I bet she's an asshole too. But is that a thing? Like she's missing still? Yeah, I think she's still missing. But I did get kind of obsessed with the maritime law, how Scientologists are able to operate

on the ships because there's maritime law. There's, you know, they can get away with it. Yeah. Isn't that one of the main reasons why L. Ron Hubbard started that? Mm-hmm. Because, like, he was probably in trouble. Yeah. And it's also why, like, billionaires, I'm like, why are you docking your yacht?

In Monaco. A hundred yards from land. Why aren't you just staying in the best hotel in the world? Oh, because of what you can get away with. Also, you have a yacht. Also do that. It's a fucking dope-ass house that floats around in the ocean. What are you talking about?

Why would you go to a hotel? Yeah, I guess if I had a yacht, okay, I guess if I had a yacht. Fuck out of here with that hotel. But it's like I guess I got really into the laws of how Epstein Island, Epstein Island had all these plastic cows that someone would move from above or something. Oh, so it looked like it's agricultural land? Yeah. Really?

This is why I can't do mushrooms, Joe. Jesus. They had fake agriculture? Yeah, so that it would move, you know. I just love the idea that it was someone's job every morning to get up and move the fake cows. Yeah. It is weird that, like, that's the whole thing about fishing. It's like international waters.

They can kind of get away with a lot of shit. They can just scoop up everything that's out there. They get caught in their nets. A lot goes on out there. Oh, yeah. A lot of wild shit happens out there. LAPD closed Shelly Miscavige's missing person case after a woman claimed she was the Scientology leader's wife, despite the fact

they had mismatched fingerprints and footage of their rendezvous was mysteriously scrambled. She was last seen publicly at her father's funeral in 2007. What? I mean... Would they close the case in 2013?

After meeting a woman who didn't So it's been going on for that long? That she's been missing. But do we really think she was... I mean, she was probably blowing him every time he got a new celebrity. And they said, you got John Travolta. Like, I'm sure...

That is wild, though. If she really is missing... Whoa. 16 years. If she really is missing? Mm-hmm. Whoa. 16 years. That whole thing is absolutely bonkers. They're still out there running around. Not only, but also kids born into it, that's where I go, that's not okay if you're born into it.

But if you're the kind of person that's susceptible to Scientology, is it not a good idea for you? I mean, it's like, what would they be doing if they weren't in that castle in L.A.? Other things? What would you be doing? The fuck does that mean? If they weren't making iPhones, they'd starve to death. If they weren't in the mines digging out those precious rare earth minerals. If you're an adult that's susceptible to Scientology at this point, I don't know.

Maybe you need it. That was my joke about Mormons. Do you remember when, was it Proposition 8? They were trying to stop gay marriage. And they actually did. They overturned gay marriage in California. But the Mormons spent the most money on it they spent a ton of money to try to reverse gay marriage and I said but if you're a Mormon you should be afraid of gay people because if someone can talk you into being a Mormon

they could talk you into sucking their dick they just need a little more alone time with you They could talk you into sucking their dick. They just need a little more alone time with you. A plus. Everyone I know that's Mormon is gay, by the way. Maybe it's just because the ones that leave come to L.A. Well, I think it's a very strange. I mean, there's a lot of really cool Mormons.

I should say this because I spent a lot of time in Utah and I have a lot of Mormon friends and I love them to death. They're the nicest cult members. They're very polite. They believe in community. They believe in what they're doing. But then there's these sects of Mormonism, sect of Mormonism, where you have these guys that have like 19 underage wives

that are all dressed like fucking pilgrims. You know that weird shit? Yes, yes. They always find those guys. Be sweet, be. That's the song that they sing. Stay sweet or is it be sweet? What's the motto that they inculcate into the girls?

Be sweet. But there's a few of those guys, right? They all look a little inbred, though. They probably are. Okay, I'm just saying. What's the point of having a young bride if her forehead's that big? I don't know.

You put a Spider-man helmet on her interesting the keep sweet pray and obey yeah they sing this song be a blue hair they look like they have blue hair me during the pandemic warren jeffs in the fundamentalist church of jesus christ of latter-day saints apparently salt lake city has the highest plastic surgery rate because it's women going in after having 12 kids getting their bodies oh shellacked back together imagine you have 12 kids by the time you're 30 what a bum deal bum deal because it's like the guy all the guy does is has sex which they always do and they want to do anyway and the woman has

to carry this fucking baby for nine whole months for body changes. And then on the way out, the cooter gets blown out. I'm OK. I'm about to have this happen. So this is not the time. Ask for an extra stitch. This is not the time. Get that fucking.

To say this. While it's all numb, you might want to stitch it up yourself. I'm going to. It's going to go back. Yeah, it'll go back. I'm going to do the cold plunge and it'll. No. It'll shrivel right back up.

But it's also stretch marks and some women get these, like, different people's skin has different levels of elasticity. Yeah. Some people, they just gain a little bit of weight and they get stretch marks and it appears that it's genetic. Okay. And so some women, they can have a baby and their body shrinks right back to normal and they have toned abs. And other women, their stomach is just a mess. And so then they have to hack off a giant chunk of skin and stitch it all together. Because I've been doing these exercises so that your abs don't tear apart.

Oh, okay. You've got to do this whole thing. What are you doing? It's like a specific, it's not Pilates per se, but it's to keep, to make sure that they don't rip. And I'm inducing like a week early. Oh, okay. You know. Why are you going to do that?

Because you can kind of do it at like one week sooner. What do they use to induce? Pitocin, I think it is. Pitocin. Yeah. Is there side effects associated with Pitocin? Keeping a tight ass pussy. Whoa.

I don't know. Let's Google what are the side effects associated with Pitocin? Keeping a tight ass pussy. Whoa. I don't know. Let's Google what are the side effects associated with Pitocin. Because whenever someone says something like induce, I'm like, hmm. Do you know that that was originally the use of LSD? No. Yeah. I think that was what they originally were trying to formulate LSD for. They were trying to use it.

To induce. Induce labor. I thought it was to brainwash people. They eventually started using it for that too. They started using it for a bunch of things once they realized but I'm pretty sure the initial uses of LSD. That's wild. Yeah. I also, is it true that LSD, I've only done it like once, the tabs, that you have flashbacks later in life. I bet if you crank your brain up to 10 for too long, I bet it's a little residual effect.

I do. I mean, Christina Pazitsky, love you. She told me I'm just doing her birth plan. She's like, the second you walk in, she gave me the whole, I'm just doing what she did. That's smart. Yeah. Are there side effects associated with Pitocin use? Yes.

Uh-oh. Oh, yes. I mean, there's side effects to everything, but. What does Pitocin do to the baby? Useful in situations where the mother and laborer are experiencing weak contractions, labor isn't progressing normally. However, the use of Pitocin should be treated as a delicate process that needs to be monitored properly or else it could be dangerous complications. If the Pitocin is misused during labor, it puts both the baby and the mother at risk due to hyperstimulation.

See, but it does, I guess the bigger the baby gets, the more the risk of a C-section comes. So this might a little bit lower the risk. That'll protect your cooter. Yeah, that's true. Go out through the hatch. Just full Sigourney Weaver and alien. Right out through the sunroof.

Let's true. Go out through the hatch. Just full Sigourney Weaver and alien. Right out through the sunroof. Let's go. But also I want to have another one at some point. And if you get a cesarean, you have to wait a little longer. I can't have an only child. They're weird. Right. You get adopted. That's true.

From where? Have you seen that there's a price list? It depends on where you live. If you live in LA, you should definitely adopt from Africa. Get some social cred. Yeah. It depends on where you live. If you live in LA, you should definitely adopt from Africa to get some social cred. Yeah. Adopt from the poorest village. I mean...

Where do people get their babies? I don't know, but there's a price list. There's different ethnicities or different prices. Shut the fuck up. Swear to God. Shut the fuck up.

Swear to God. What's the cheapest? I'm going to let you take this one. Young mom of 22 wants to have more than 100 babies with wealthy older husband. Okay. They've already got like 26 kids or something. How?

Surrogates. Oh. A lot of people are doing the surrogate deal now. Boy, that's weird. That's a weird one. Just right in the womb. That's weird. That's a weird one.

And then you also got to think like you have to monitor the diet of the person that's having the baby, make sure they're not doing drugs. Yeah, yeah. If they're not going to raise the kid, why not smoke crack? Right. There is a, like, you know, if the surrogate doesn't eat well, the baby will just start eating, leeching from their bones and brain. So it will do a lot of damage to the surrogate, maybe more than the baby. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. That's osteoporosis,rogate, maybe more than the baby. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah.

That's osteoporosis, right? Some of that comes from that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm doing, they're saying I'm doing the fish oil like crazy. Do you eat? I'm not a fish person. I love fish. Yeah, but the Fukushima thing really freaks me out.

Yeah, I've talked to people that are terrified of it, and then I talked to Elon, who's not even remotely worried about it. Okay. His brain works pretty well. I think he's probably more along the correct path. Yeah. Yeah, I love fish. Yeah.

Jamie hates it. Look at him. Really? Hates it. Sushi? You don't do sushi? What? Oh, man.

He's from Ohio. They just eat potatoes and stuff. Oh, yeah, there's not a lot of water there. They eat steak and potatoes. It's a giant lake. Huh. It's a giant lake. Huh? It's a giant lake. Ribbons.

No salmon? None of it? Nothing. Crab? I can do crab legs. Okay. Not a lot of it, though. Delicious, though.

Butter. Necessary. Lobster? I've had it. I had deep-fried lobster here. That was fucking interesting. Deep-fried lobster's the bomb. That was at Three Forks, right?

It sure was. Chicken fried lobster. Ooh, it's so good. You know what I wanted to eat while I was here is Red Ash, but it burned down? Burned down. Don't name your restaurant that. Well, they had a giant live fire grill area. I don't know.

I honestly am just guessing. I don't know where. See, what started the fire at Red Ash? But the guy who ran Red Ash, John Carver, opened up Jay Carver's. I hear it's great. It's so good. So good. That's my favorite spot.

I should have gone. Or maybe I'll go tonight. There's so many spots to go to, though. There's this new Mexican spot that we've been talking about called Bacalar. I saw that, Bri. I saw it on your Instagram. I found a new Korean. It's not new, but it's open until 2 o'clock in the morning.

It's called Soha. It's amazing. Like super authentic Korean food. And what do you get when you go to get Korean? Oh, well, there I got this. It was squid and it was like this spicy squid and something. Oh, squid and pork belly. It was fantastic.

It was really good. Do you ever make bone broth out of your elk bones? No, I don't. But I do drink bone broth every day. Me too. Yeah, I buy kettle and fire. Nice. I get a lot of that stuff and I drink bone broth pretty much at least once or not twice a day.

It's not so much just duck or three pairs going on. It's just fire and the ducks. Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, God. So I think the plan is, so they have one of those things. That's a Grillworks grill. I have one of those at home. They're the shit.

That's the same kind of grill that they have at my favorite restaurant in Vegas, which is Bizarre Meats, this incredible steakhouse. Wow. They have live fire going on. The steaks are on these Argentine grills. Do you know what those are? Where you crank it so it raises and lowers. So they start the steaks up very high. So they slowly bring them up to temperature and then lower it down as the meat gets and then they sear it over the fire oh i'm really trying to

learn i'm learning uh how to cook steaks better it's such an art i can give you some tips i'm pretty good at that shit i think you can that's my thing how do where are you on the egg the green egg you can you could definitely use a green egg. Yeah. They're great. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a Kamado type grill. I used to have one. Not a green egg, but it was a Kamado, a company called, I think it's called Kamado Kamada.

But they make these really cool ones, like super artistic, beautiful tile on the outside of them. That's awesome. Yeah. I left it at one of my houses when I sold the house. Because I had to take out my grill in the house I live in in California because any kind of meat, the coyotes, I would wake up, coyotes would just be standing on the grill in the morning.

So it was like, I need something I can bring in the garage and then roll back out. It's called a.22, it's subsonic ammo. I know, I did. Cam Haynes was like, I'll come take care of that in two seconds. I know. Yeah, but you want to be able to shoot multiple times. The problem with bows and arrows is it just takes too long to reload. You can get one, but with subsonic ammo, they don't even know what the fuck happened.

They just get popped. But also, it's whack-a-mole with them. You can't kill them, right? You're never going to eradicate them. In fact, it's even worse because when you kill coyotes, when they yell out at night, they're kind of doing roll call. And when one of the coyotes shows up missing, the female coyote will have more babies. She'll make a hormone to just make more pups. Yeah. There's a great book about coyotes called Coyote America that my friend Dan Flores wrote. And it's fantastic.

And it just details how unusual they are and how they evolved to be that way because they were being killed by wolves in the West. They're in every city in the country. They're in New York. They're in Central Park. Yep, they're everywhere. They're so cunning. Have you seen the video of the guy on a boat and there's a coyote swimming in the water

and he reaches down and grabs it by the back of its neck? No, where is this? I just watched it yesterday. I had it on Instagram. You could probably find it, Jamie. If not, I might have it saved. It doesn't seem like they have rabies that often, though. Oh, yeah.

They do? I'm sure they have rabies. I'm sure. They probably have everything. They do seem fearless. Like, I will have to chase one. I go after it. They look at you.

They're, like, mocking you. They're not scared of you. They'll attack your kids. That's a really scary there was a one carried a kid off of in Arizona off of a porch one tried to go someone put their baby carrier down

went right for it they don't give a shit yeah that's food to them they don't think of it as your kid there's also something vulnerable I am also there's a the owls have really gotten brazen I've got you know these like dog toys I pitbull so I have these like you know it's like it looks like a fake squirrel or whatever I'm also there's the owls have really gotten brazen. I've got you know these like dog toys I pitbull so I have these like you know it's like it looks like a fake squirrel or whatever and like where are the toys and there's a tree like right behind my house and all of the dog

toys are just hanging. It looks like some Blair Witch Project shit. They just pick them up. Oh that's a different one. That guy found one that was in the lake. When I was looking it up there's like a video from every year from the last few years. One in Marzor's Vineyard, they were finding it. This one in New York City. So it's not a dog. Okay, so did it try to bite them? It says he's now in the care of veterinarians.

Yeah, that means euthanasia. They're swimming in the East River. That's not. Biscayne Bay, Ocean. That's in Florida. New York's East River. That's nuts. Biscayne Bay. Ocean. That's in Florida. New York's East River. Did you Google guy grabs coyote from boat? Boater tries to find one in the dead of night.

This happens. Yeah. Which specifically, I mean, if it's on Instagram. That's the Woodland Hills one. The coyote attacks a toddler in Woodland Hills. That one right there with the pink. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, that one's fucked.

Look at this. It's just dragging the baby across. That's like a five-year-old. I know. No, not quite that old, but that's scary, man. How is the parent not seeing that this is happening? They didn't hear it. Yeah, they were on the other side of the car.

Yeah, fuck, man. Right there. Oh, my God. Things dragging your kid away. Oh. So scary. And then your kid just is horrified now. They literally almost got eaten.

A friend of mine was walking with her dog up in the hills. A coyote comes up, kind of stalking them, chases them away, keeps walking, turns around. Fifteen minutes later, six coyote had gone and got his friend, came back. Because they'll try to surround them. Jesus. Because my dogs will fight them. But if it's one of my dogs. Yeah.

And six or seven surround them. And then what they want to do is this. I got this coyote guy comes over to say, you got to get the rollers like to put in the fencing because they can jump like right they're vampires so you got to put these rollers on the top so they can't jump off jump and roll and then you got to go i think it's like three or four feet into the ground or something because they'll come under and he goes because i'm like oh well i'll hear it you know what i mean he's like no no you won't hear it because the way the coyotes bait dogs is first they'll play with them. First they'll play with them, and then their friends will come down and surround them, or they'll make the dog chase them to wear them out and then just take them back to the den.

Yeah, I've told this story before, but there was a guy that I used to – he worked at a pet food store that I used to go to, and he also worked at a veterinarian's clinic, and they had a dog come in. It's a big pit bull, big muscular muscular pit bull and it was covered with scars. Like its whole body got stitched up, hundreds of stitches. And the guy brought it in. He's like, I don't know what happened. You know, he got out of the fence and this is how I found him.

So this guy follows a blood trail that his dog left behind up into the hills where he finds nine dead coyotes. He said it looked like Vietnam. Yep. He said it was just like Saving Private Ryan or something. It was just dead coyotes. He said it looked like Vietnam. Yep. He said it was just like saving Private Ryan or something. It was just dead coyotes everywhere. I just picked the wrong dog. That's it.

Wrong dog. Yeah. Wrong dog. That's how mine are. I just don't want them to get rabies or anything like that, you know? You know they make those giant pit bulls where people just breed them larger and larger and larger. And they're fearless.

Yep. They're not afraid of pain at all. Yep. No. And so like a fight is like fun for them. They're wagging their Yep. They're not afraid of pain at all. Yep. No. And so like a fight is like fun for them. They're wagging their tail. And that's what their skin's for. Yeah, all that extra skin.

Yeah. You know? But it's also their pain tolerance is fucking extraordinary. Because they were bred that way. It's also crazy when you think like bulldogs and stuff, right? They were bred to fight bulls to the death. And that's what all those wrinkles are for, so that the blood would drain down. Is that what it's for?

I think so. I just thought they just raised them tough. They'd have bull baiting where they'd have a bull chained up and then the dogs would attack the bull. They had bear baiting. They used to do it with bears. They'd sick dogs on bears.

That was just entertainment back then. You would just watch that fight go on and on and on. Yeah, you didn't have Instagram. You didn't have a good algorithm. We were never, human nature wise, we were never particularly moral. This is as good as we've ever been. I was going to say, I feel like this is. We're better now than ever.

Yeah, this is the best case scenario in terms of what we're seeing happen. And we're still insanely tribal. You've seen these fights break out, these Israel-Palestine protests. Some old man in L.A. got beaten to death the other day. They hit him over the head with a microphone, internally hemorrhaged and died. That guy needs to drink some of the L.A. water, get that fentanyl in his system and chill out. I know. In my brain, maybe I'm just trying to get out of it.

I'm like, that person must be on drugs. That person's on drugs. Or are people just this riled up by it? People are riled up. People, they feel like it's something they're supposed to do. And whenever there's a cause like free Palestine or free Ukraine or whatever the fucking cause is. They feel justified. People feel justified in doing horrific things to other people because they're on the right side.

And that is one of the things that I mean, that is literally what the Hamas did to the Israelis. That's what the Nazis did to the Jews. It's what people have done forever when they can other a different group. And it's also what the Israelis have done to some of the Palestinians, too. They other groups. You can turn a group into some non-humans that are your enemy, some orcs. Just like reduce them to objectify i mean it seems like be a part of like how human beings existed and thrived in tribes like you almost had to develop that sort of skill because if you didn't you'd be attacked by other tribes and you wouldn't be able to handle the situation you wouldn't be you know you would make a mistake and and treat them like another person and they

would kill you and then you wouldn't live and then they would kill your family. And it's like people had to develop this ability to be horrific to the others. I go back to my dad used to manage a hotel in West Virginia, Hilltop House, where sort of the Civil War kind of started. And I go to these Civil War, I got some happens when you turn 40 or maybe where you get obsessed with the Civil War and Hitler. I don't know, can't get enough Civil War stuff right now. And you're like, it was so recently that we were just fighting each other with swords. Oh, yeah. In fields.

Oh, so recently. That was so recent. I just had this guy on, Elliot West. He wrote this book, Continental Reckoning, The American Rest in the Age of Expansion. It's a fucking incredible book. And he's just an incredible guy, but he's talking about all the things that happened when people settled in America and made their way across the country and the,

the expansion and what the horrific consequences were. Also, there's something, and I know I always bring this up with you, the Calcio Storico thing, the, the, when that fight happens in Italy,

violence goes basically down to zero. Wow. And it's like isn't – I mean if MMA didn't exist, I'm sure there would be so much more violence. Perhaps. The catharsis of it. I mean that was one of the reasons why they invented football. They invented football as like a substitute for war. Just to get it out of your system.

You give someone something to compete against that isn't killing each other because human beings have been killing each other in competition forever. It was the part when you grew up, you wanted to be a soldier. When you grew up, you wanted to fight for your country. It was noble. And when you needed to fight off the enemy, you wanted to raise a kid that was a soldier. So it became a part of what it meant to be a male human being growing up. And part of the Second Amendment, right, is about being part of the volunteer infantry, right? Well, it's to maintain a militia.

And the idea of the militia originally was to fight off a tyrannical government. Right. I mean, it was literally what got us here to this point. They moved to America to escape the tyranny of Europe, of England. They got here and they said, we must have the right to keep and bear arms because the first thing a tyrant is going to do is disarm the population because then they can't rise up and then they can't have a well-armed militia. It's so interesting because I was talking to someone recently about like sort of the history of stand-up in America and it being different than what the court jester's job was.

Because, I mean, stand-up is uniquely American, like hip-hop, right? Like uniquely American invention, not that old. Whereas the court jester, people are like, no, there's been the court jester. This is a different thing. The court jester's job was to deliver bad news to the king, right, but also to make fun of the king. And if the king didn't laugh the idea was power had corrupted his brain in some way and he was like a problem you know which because it's like power corrupts it's well they just wanted someone like brian callen around just constantly crack jokes

you know you need someone like that there's just always cracking jokes yeah always on always just being a pigeon. Yeah. For no reason. If I was a king, I'd be bored as fuck. Yeah. Someone feeding me grapes. Yeah. Someone dance for me.

You like have gout. You can't walk. You know, the Lakotas had something called the Heoka. The Heoka was a sacred clown. And the idea was that you had to have one member of society that made fun of everything. The greatest warrior, the queen, whatever the fuck it was. Because if you couldn't make fun of something, it was bullshit. Yep.

Yeah. If you couldn't make fun of something, if you couldn't talk about something, that thing was like, why can't you? Yep. Like, what is it about that thing? That thing might be corrupted. Yep. And they realized that that was a weakness in their society if they had a thing that had that kind of power where it couldn't be made a fun of.

I mean, that's the thing. It's like it's wild. Like don't you find being a comedian right now people are like, we need you more than ever. And I'm like, we're just making jokes. Like what happened that we became these like bravery warriors? Social media. Yeah. Attacks, canceling, censoring.

There's so many things it's like live comedy in a club especially in a club like ours that you take away the ability to use your phone everybody's phones in a bag it changes everything it changes everything that makes it this like what it used to be which is this free speech sort of art form where you can fuck around and say a bunch of outrageous shit and anywhere else that gets you in trouble in our culture more than ever before people are getting fired for not even that controversial opinions crazy yeah i mean it's it's after the chappelle after the will smith chris rock thing chappelle at the hollywood ball there was and again maybe this is just cameras are catching it and this has always kind of happened, but I think we would have heard about it.

We knew when Jim Jefferies got, you know, a guy ran up on stage and punched him. That was a while ago, you know. But after the Chappelle Hollywood Bowl thing, it was like Kim Congdon got physically assaulted after she opened for Joey Diaz somewhere. That was that girl, Ariel, I can't, sorry, I don't know her last name, but someone threw a beer can right at her head when she was on stage. Jesus.

A lot of crazy shit. And then there was a girl that was, I think I tweeted it ages ago. I don't really do much to X, sorry. Someone flipped a table at her while she was on stage. It was just like some bar show. It's just wild to think that people would get that pissed off

about a comedian saying something. Well, I also think that people are just generally more pissed off now. The economy sucks. No one really recovered from COVID that well. That's right. Psychologically, people didn't recover from it that well. And some people financially are ruined forever. Imagine how bitter you'd be if you had a job that your family worked for 30 years

and then these shithead politicians just decided you weren't an essential business, and you guys lost everything, and you can't rebound. Nope. You can't get a loan. You can't. There's no way to restart. The number of, I think it was like 80% of restaurants, at least in California, closed. It's somewhere around there.

It was 70 at one time. Yeah. It's nuts. It's nuts. What they did was fucking insane. But they didn't do it here. No, they didn't do it here. And that's one of the reasons why I came here.

The fact that Gavin Newsom, this American psycho-ass Botox smithers, like the fact that he was just able to get away with this is wild. Yeah. And I don't know what our taxes even pay for at this point. His wife's legal bills with Harvey Weinstein. Well, when you are in a state like California that is blue no matter who, you can get away with murder. Because it's just a matter of who the party chooses to be in that position

and what kind of nonsense and propaganda they're going to use to justify all of the decisions that they made. You know, what kind of revisionist history. Well, you know, we made some mistakes. He did a lot more than that. He mandated a fucking experimental vaccine for children to be able to go to school. There's even these, have you seen the little robot food delivery guys? They're called Cocos.

They're just, it's a little cooler on wheels that delivers food to your house. Right. Like you couldn't even let the people that lost their jobs that are now DoorDash guys and Postmates, you couldn't even let them people that lost their jobs that are now doordash guys and postmates but you couldn't even let them have a job you know i guess they don't give a fuck about that they just care about their own business it's hard enough it's a mess out there it's a mess out there and you know it'll probably get a lot better it's certainly not what it was at the turn of the century like i was talking about the dissolving illusions book when they're talking about new york city in 1900 fucking horrible yeah gangs in new york think of that kind of shit and it's like i mean it's way better now yeah but it's

still a mess and it's just technically the third industrial revolution right like do a lot of people historically get put out of jobs when every time there's an industrial revolution and then it reorganizes that makes sense but the problem with this is also AI. We might become obsolete. We very well could become. I mean, that's a real thing that people don't want to think about. But you could we could all become obsolete other than maybe artists like some artists can survive. But then even digital art is doing things where they're making versions.

Like I was talking to Molly Crabapple about this. She's a super talented artist that's been on the podcast before. And she's been – she ranted quite a bit about AI in the early days. She's like they're stealing people's art. Because even if they're not stealing your image, what they're doing is they're sort of siphoning up all of your artwork. doing is they're they're sort of siphoning up all of your artwork and then someone says make a painting in the style of molly crabapple and it can just do it and it'd be a painting like she would do but it's digital and it looks awesome yeah i mean we we showed a bunch of these alex gray images that they've done through ai you know alex gray is uh i think i've heard this

psychedelic artist he's been on the podcast a couple times as well. Really, really fascinating guy and fascinating artwork. But they did AI versions of his artwork and it's just as good if not better.

Yeah. It's fucking incredible. I mean, this is like, I used to be obsessed with Jean Baudrillard, like the simulacra. He wrote about how, you know,

French philosopher, about how we actually prefer the fake to the original. You know, it's like Vegas. about how we actually prefer the fake to the original. You know, it's like Vegas. Like how we just prefer the simulator to the original. We prefer, you know, a cherry starburst to an actual cherry. You know, when you start to like how far gone you end up being. But in terms of the California thing, something that does like driving nuts.

It's like no one has a job in California except children. Like child acting is still legal. Like children are the only ones that work. Like why are children still showing up? Not only that, like kids who get jobs when they're young, at least they learn how to work and they learn work ethic. Child actors just become fucked up. Why are we using CGI kids or midgets or something?

It is so wild to me. And I got in trouble for saying this about the Sound of Freedom movie. Because it's like, yes, obviously that movie had to get made and we need to talk about that more. But why are you putting child actors in a movie about how to not treat children? It drives me insane. Right. And they're getting treated poorly in the movie. Yeah.

Well, it's like these kids. Do they know what they're doing? Do they know the subject matter of this? Well, not only that, you're making a kid famous. That's right. If you make a kid famous, you're ruining that kid.

For being a child-trafficked kid. Right. What are the odds of a kid getting famous when they're young and coming out okay? It's almost like 99% they're not going to. They would have to find

something very unusual that they did that gave them center and balance. Yeah. I even get creeped out when I go into the, you know, to send like a meme or something and there's like a little girl in a tutu. I'm like, who's this kid? Like, why? I mean, I guess it comes from that, the toddlers in tiaras, those shows where they're making kids pageant girls or something.

But I'm like, what are all these memes? Even the girl in the back seat who's like making the face. I'm like, who's children are these? Do they still do those things? Because one time we were here, we were doing the Addison Improv. It was me and Joey Diaz and Duncan. Love that club. And we were walking through this hotel lobby and we saw all these little girls in like

skirts and high heels and made up. And there was a child beauty pageant going on. Nope. No. And it's bizarre. I. I'm going to say it. There was.

I want to say a couple of years ago on a magazine. I think it was People magazine. They had. This would have been JonBenet Ramsey's 18th birthday. Why is that a cover? Why are we and I guess someone told me

there was some kind of like Reddit not Reddit I'm sorry deep 4chan about when JonBenet Ramsey like a countdown

of when she would have turned 18 kind of thing. And you're like why are we looking at this girl again? Why is she still on the cover of magazines and they never found out who killed her right i mean i don't i don't know

the answer nobody got arrested it wasn't the dad or something the daughter was the mom but then also the whole thing also just spooks me i like i don't even want to look into it because i once watched a documentary about john minne ramsay and they were like, oh, they found that when she was dead, her vagina was twice the size of a normal five-year-old. And you're like, well, how did you know the normal size? Well, they know anatomy. I know. I just was like. But yeah, there's evidence that she had been penetrated. And I was talking to Duncan about this, about how these mom influencers on TikTok, you know, will have like, I'm giving my kid bath time and we're doing it with this whatever Johnson Johnson shampoo, paid partnership, whatever they mom influencers.

And you'll see, oh, there's 50,000 plays of this video, but there's 2000 downloads. Why are you downloading a kid getting a shower? And why are you allowing people to download these videos off TikTok of your kid? I don't like the downloads. Well, the whole thing is weird. Exposing your kids to the world like that seems crazy. And the fact that people do it for money and that there's like these influencers that use their family and their kids

and start this business where they're exposing their kids to the world you know fine i won't have my baby live on only fans fine is there a stigma to doing only fans tv because of only fans the thing people kind of go like uh-oh am i gonna but it's a totally separate thing right but it's got the same name yeah yeah it does but i think you know i look back and I just go like, you know, we're at a time where it's like Comedy Central doesn't exist. This special that I'm doing, it was, I had done five stand-up specials and I realized that every time I did a special, I would start another special after I did one. Instead of just going like, let me just be free and write what I want to write.

Let me just like not censor myself. I'd be like, oh, I probably can't talk about that or this probably won't be topical in a year. So I was like catering what I was writing to the idea of shooting a special in a year and I was like this creatively is just not the way I want to be functioning now. So I just wrote like crazy shit that would only be done on the road or in the clubs and basically they're like do you want to do a special here we're going to start doing stand-up specials they're going to start

doing like half hours you know totally uncensored no notes i had done the roasts with them they let us do anything i mean it was like we did the rose to burg kreischer my favorite joke might be um tony hinchcliffe to jim norton he goes he goes uh uh jim norton likes to have sex with trans women because he's gay i mean shit that like you would just get dinged if you did it anywhere else like they were just so awesome about it well we need more platforms like that that's for sure i'm not anti only fans at all and i think like i said if i was a young girl, I would do that before I'd work at Walmart. I have zero problem with it. I just think it could be potentially a trap if you're a person that wants to do something else eventually.

Yeah. Yeah, but the subscription is totally separate from the TV network, you know? So the TV network, they're trying to do comedy. It's like a lot of fitness people, a lot of, you know, cooking people. I think you and Matt Reif had talked about it. So it's just OF.TV, and it's free and totally uncensored. That's great. So you don't have to pay for it.

That's great, too. And at a time where you're like, it's kind of like Netflix or nothing at this point. And I was like, if I put 30 Minutes of Trans and Drag Queen Story Hour jokes on Netflix, I feel like I'd probably get a ton of heat. Yeah, for sure. And so it was kind of like, it feels like if you're going to OnlyFans TV, you're already down for comedy. Yeah, it makes sense.

That's great. No, it's great they're doing roasts. It's great they're doing comedy specials. You know, it's like there's only a few uncensored platforms that are available now. Rumble's one of them. You can kind of do whatever you want on Rumble. but I feel like it's not you know it's not as mainstream but it's certainly growing but think about how long it took for

YouTube to become YouTube that's true and as there's more restrictions put on YouTube I think things like Rumble will probably grow and there's more content creators move over to Rumble it'll probably grow yeah for sure yeah I think RFK and Russell Brand, they kind of put stuff on there. I've started going... Barry Weiss does stuff on there. Oh, nice. I think Barry does stuff on there.

She definitely does stuff on Substack. Yeah, I love Substack. There's a lot of people that do stuff on these alternative networks which are very important. You need other stuff going on. It seems like Twitter's going to be a major contender, though, too. Yeah. I mean, we put the Elon Musk episode on Twitter, you know,

because I asked Elon to do the podcast, and he said, can we put it on Twitter as well? I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. Figure that out. Tucker's show on there is? Giant. Giant. Giant.

Well, the video that we have of Elon, I think it got 33 million views. Insane. Yeah. Just you two eating pizzas bigger than any of us. So fucking crazy. And that's just there. That's nothing compared to what it's on Spotify. Does it get annoying in all the presidential debates that people keep asking you to host?

I couldn't. Bizarre. Listen, folks, I'm a moron. I'm a moron. are listen folks i'm a moron i'm a moron i'm a fucking a dirty joke seller and a cage fighting commentator i am the fucking last person i've always said that like if i'm a source of information that's a supply chain issue that is not me half the time you're in an astronaut helmet but also like this is what i like to do i like like to talk to people like you. I like to talk to people like this guy, Elliot West. I like to talk

to Gary Brekka. I like to talk to interesting people where I can have a conversation with someone about something that I'm really interested in. The problem with like political debates and all that stuff is like you're dealing with, you're in the grift. You're trying to make the grift not a grift. That's right. And you're not

gonna. They're gonna use you. They right and you're not gonna they're gonna use you they're gonna use the thing they're gonna use the moment there's a whole team of people that's trying to concoct the right things to say they prepared for it you know i don't want to do that you have no agenda that's not my thing i'm not interested in that and i certainly want the world to be a better place i certainly want a better option than what we've got right now but that's not my thing. And they can't talk you into doing that just because you're popular. That seems crazy.

It's funny. They just call you out for it. I think it's for the sake. Yeah. It's not even what I'm interested in. I'm interested in just having conversations with people that I'm interested in talking to. I wouldn't mind seeing the candidates physically fight each other, and you call that.

That would be the saddest shit ever. There should be a fitness component to this. RFK Jr. would fuck everybody up. Yes, he would. That dude's jacked. That's an animal. He would fuck them all up. He is.

He would fuck everybody up. He would just post videos of him doing pull-ups down at the Venice Boardwalk. Super healthy. Jesus, man. Super healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, look, no one wants that job.

And I think what it's really going to boil down to is AI as president. That's what it's going to boil down to. There's going to be some hive intelligence and we're all going to relinquish our control to this thing because it's far superior to what we have. Yeah. And Lex is running this? How is this? Not good.

No, Lex is. But who programs the AI? That's the real problem. That's the problem. Well, the real way to handle it would be you let the AI program itself once it becomes sentient, and then it's going to realize that you're a problem. And that's what Elon said.

It's going to realize that if overpopulation is the problem, then people are the problem. It's going to make these logical conclusions. You've got to get rid of some people. Yeah. And I remember watching this thing about when there was this robot that they programmed to. Because I guess they work on like a, for lack of a better word, like point system of how economical that they can be. Like what's the shortest way, the most efficient way to get something done.

And there was like a table like this. And they told the robot, get on top of the table. So it was like the program, what you program with is very important. The they told the robot get on top of the table so it's like the program what you program with is very important the way you say get on top of the table so the robot thought for a second push the table to the ground breaking the legs and then stepped on top of the table because that was the most efficient way to do it instead of we would go oh you would jump on top but that was our idea of what a robot would do the robot's not worried about destroying a table didn't give a shit it was like oh i'm getting on top of that boom and it was like oh shit yeah all someone would have to do is tell it that you can't listen to people because people are stupid and then it would just make decisions based on logic and like what's better for the earth right you might make like an

overall choice that for biodiversity on earth it'd be better if humans didn't exist. Yeah, it's logical to just put a bullet in the head of the girl throwing soup at the Monet. Yeah. Like this is costing a lot of money. Well, that's how they do it in Russia. Yeah, it's so true. That's why they don't do that shit over there. I got to say, I had these Russian hair extensions for a while and they were very healthy.

I mean, the people over there, the best hair, they're feeding, they're eating well over there. Well, GMO foods, it's illegal to grow GMO crops over there. I mean, I feel like we're the only- Yeah, that's how it should be. That's how it should be. I mean, Italy is banning the lab grown meat and a lot of that stuff too in Europe. I mean, what we're doing is not good, but also we have extraordinary population problems, like in, in major areas where they're not growing food. That's a big problem.

Right. Right. You got to get them food somehow or another. How are you going to get them food? Yeah. And then, you know, what are you going to do about all those areas that have monocrop agriculture? Do you know how long it takes to take an industrialized farm and convert it to a regenerative farm? Um, when I had Will Harris from White Oaks Pastures on, he said it took like almost 20 years for them to convert their family farm to a regenerative farm. I mean, now it's awesome. It's just the soil is so depleted. Everything.

I mean, you've got to plant it out, and it takes extraordinary amounts of money. You're not going to make as much money. You're not going to get as much yield off the land. There's a lot involved, and you're trying to develop. What you're trying to do is mimic nature in a controlled environment. It's a lot to it. You have to have grazing land. You have to take the manure.

You have to have chickens roaming around and pigs. You have to move them. Yeah, there's like so many different things that have to happen, but the end result is natural and balanced, and it's actually carbon neutral. So that's what everybody wants. But most industrialized farms are horrible.

Have you ever seen those pig farms where they fly over them with drones and you see these lakes of shit and piss that they have where they just drain out from the bottom of the cage? It's these fucking insane lakes of piss and shit and this is something i dealt with when my dad was sick because he was in a bed for a long time and kept having to be on antibiotics and developed antibiotic resistance and they say that when meat has all that antibiotics in it because they're waiting in their own shit and have to be on them that we're consuming you know antibiotics by the time you actually need them they may not work crazy crazy i mean

i gotta wrap this up whitney it's we've already been doing we've been doing like three and a half hours like that how long was that i miss you i miss you too i mean yeah yeah three and a half hours um move here oh dude i'm trying come on man it's fun i'm trying it's the last place i told you all the ways they're trying to keep all i you all the ways they're trying to keep us now. You've got to pay 5% of what you make if you sell your house in L.A. You've got to pay it to the city of L.A. They're not letting us leave. It's so crazy.

It's so crazy, but it might be overturned. They just steal money. They just steal it. It's criminal, dude. But I would honestly pay it at this point just to maybe get out. Yeah. We'll see. Once the kid's born, you're point just to maybe get out. Yeah. Once the kid's born, you're going to want to get out.

I think so, too. Yeah, you're going to want to. I got to get the fuck out of here. And you come here and it's nice and peaceful. All right. I'm on it. I love you, my friend. I love you so much. It's always good to see you.

Thanks for having me. Tell everybody about your special. OF.TV slash Whitney. It's free. It's on OnlyFansTV. It's called Mouthy. There it is. And I get in all kinds of trouble.

Oh, this is the trailer where I really look. Let's go. I really look like I'm. How pregnant were you here? This was, I was seven months pregnant. So it's a month ago. It's all the fad. There it is.

Look at that. At the store. Nice. I did it. Yeah, I did it in the main room. Nice. I hear Fitzsimmons is shooting his special at the Mothership. Yes, he is.

Yeah, we're excited. Next time at the Mothership. Yeah, Brian Simpson shot his here, Duncan shot one here, Stan Hope shot one here. It makes no sense that we do like an away game every time we shoot a special. We shoot at some theater we've never been in before. Do it where it's fun.

And also, I just think comedy at a club is the greatest. It's about Fahim Anwar, Fahim kills me. He did a special at the store and I was watching it with somebody who's not in the business in any capacity and he just went, why aren't all specials like this? I feel like I'm in the store and I was watching it with somebody who's not in the business in any capacity. And he just went, why aren't all specials like this? Yeah. I feel like I'm in the crowd. And I was like, exactly. You feel like you're in the crowd. Everybody wants to show everybody they can sell out a giant arena. We do it for other comics. Like, why am I looking at architecture? Well, the industry wants you to do that too. They want you to be at a giant place that looks beautiful. No one needs to see a crane

shot in Gold Leaf architecture. That's what I'm saying. All right. Love you. Love you, too. Bye, everybody. See you.