The Joe Rogan Experience - #2066 - Ralph Barbosa

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

Ralph Barbosa is a stand-up comic. His new comedy special, "Ralph Barbosa: Cowabunga," is available to stream on Netflix.  www.barbosacomedy.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Man, I hear good things about you. I was just talking to Brian Simpson about you today. I'm a huge Brian Simpson fan. I love that dude. We were working out today and he was saying great things about you. No offense to Brian Simpson, but he works out. I never thought I'd hear it like that. He does now. Hell yeah. Yeah, he's been working out with me for three weeks now. I got a little comedy boot camp going on over here.

Yeah? Yeah, Shane Gillis, Duncan Trussell, Hasan Ahmad, Brian Simpson, and me, we get together and get some workouts in. All those guys are living down here? Yeah, they're all living down here. That's dope, man. Austin's pretty dope. Austin's dope right now.

Hell yeah. It's a great spot. man yeah it's pretty dope austin's dope right now hell yeah it's great spot i uh i popped in here yesterday to austin and i didn't i feel like i didn't used to be able to do this but yeah it was it was dope man i got to go like do a spot at the creek and then i got to go to your spot got to do the little boy nice yeah it's been dope man yeah it's fun austin's like it's a new thing it's like an exciting thing yeah you know you know it used to be like before covid austin was as far as texas goes austin was like the place to go if you were too scared to like go to new york or la people were like just go to austin you know it stayed busy but it was also like very woke and so And so you had to be like real careful. And now it's like, nah, it's just.

Yes. It's Buck Wild. I like that. Yeah, it's Buck Wild. Yeah. Well, you know what it is? It's Kill Tony. Kill Tony's because Kill Tony's here.

That show, it sets the standard because it's all just about being funny. And people realize like this idea that you're supposed to like, some sort of fucking social message in your comedy. Yeah. I also think it's just a lot of Californians and New Yorkers as well. Because, like, everybody started moving down here to be able to actually be on stage from New York or L.A. during COVID. And, yeah, I feel like when they got here, they were like, you know, be careful. But everybody from California, New York was just like, no.

Well, it depends on where you're from. You know, I mean, there's pockets of people that are like enchanted by the wokeness in all sections of the country. You know, it depends. Like if you're coming from the comedy store, it's just about being funny. But if you're coming from some of the other clubs in LA, maybe it's not. It's just, it depends. Like, if you're coming from the comedy store, it's just about being funny. But if you're coming from some of the other clubs in L.A., maybe it's not.

It's just, it's Hollywood, man. It's like movies and TV. They're all run by executives, and you have to think like they think, or you don't get hired. Well, I think another reason that it got so bug wild, though, is because during COVID, if you were coming here, it's because you were already like, man, fuck the fucking COVID rules. You know what I mean? If you're really that safe person, you're probably also that woke comedian. So I feel like those people stayed back while everybody who was ready to get buck wild came down to buck wild town and got buck wild. I think you nailed it.

Yeah. I think you nailed it. Because the people that came here were like, fuck this. Like, fuck telling me that I can't do stand up. Fuck telling me I can't go to a restaurant. Yeah. I think you nailed it because the people that came here were like, fuck this. Like, fuck telling me that I can't do stand-up. Fuck telling me I can't go to a restaurant. Yeah. Especially when you go on the road and you realize that if you just live in L.A. and you never leave L.A., you think the world is L.A. And then you go to Nashville and you go, oh, they haven't lost their mind.

Yeah. They didn't lose their mind in Nashville. They were normal. Like, you go to Dallas. They didn't lose their mind in Dallas. They were normal. Like, you go to Dallas. They didn't lose their mind in Dallas.

People kind of got a little freaked out for COVID for a couple of weeks, and everybody sort of just settled in. California never settled in, man. It never settled in. It's still there. I've been seeing people with masks on this week. I see that a lot, too. I remember when I came down to Austin a few times during COVID, to a lot of the comics from like la you were like jesus christ like they were they were like waiting on you to like rise with your club dude i was like you had to put too much pressure on joel rogan a lot of pressure bro

because uh i think i think i think it's not all la comics but there were a few that maybe felt like the austin comics weren't showing love to the L.A. comics. They were like, man, they put us last on the mics. They don't book us on the shows. L.A. comics got to do our own thing. He's like, but they were like, just wait, man. I heard a couple guys say this. They were like, just wait, man.

When Joe opens up his club, it's over. Like, we'll be back on top. But I feel like you brought everybody together, man. Yeah, everybody should be together. This is a fun artist community. and it should be fun for everybody. There's no us versus them. Shut up. We're all comics.

Stop with the silliness. The Austin comic, L.A. comic, New York comic. I think it was only for a little bit during COVID when everybody's just rushing in. Everybody was freaking out just about change in the world. There was a lot of weird shit going on in the world you know like there was a lot of weird shit going on in the world and everybody had a higher level of anxiety and to take a chance when you're young and you're coming up and everybody tells you la is where you have to be are you a 27 28 year old comic oh my god you got to get to la that's what i had always heard you

gotta get to la you gotta get to yeah it's not the case anymore. That's not real anymore. The thing that helps you more than anything is podcasts. That's the thing that helps you more than anything. Yeah. Number one, social media, podcasts. You know? Those are, like, look how big you got so quick from a couple clips. Yeah.

It's just a couple clips. Like, you know it as well as anybody. Mm-hmm. If you've got good shit, now it gets out. Like, there is not a TV show in the world that would have done that for you. You would have had to be the star. Like, if you were living in the 90s, you would have to be the star of some NBC sitcom to sell the kind of tickets you're selling right now. Just from clips online.

It's beautiful. For comedians, it's the greatest thing that's ever happened i feel like it's letting people decide who gets to blow up you know what i mean like i don't know what it used to be like because i wasn't there but i feel like it used to be the industry kind of decides when you get your break or not like do they put you on this sort of do but stand-up was always at least partially been a meritocracy you know but stand up the quality of your stand-up is the most important thing when they're not people are laughing that's the most important it's always been the most important thing so if someone is undeniable they always come through there's they always come through but they also have to be a

hard worker you got to actually put it there's too many guys that are really good that just go to one club or they go you know they don't they don't go on the road there's too many guys that like they miss this window of opportunity where they could have been like real national headliners and they just never developed a following out there in the world. I fucked up a hundred percent. I know I know a handful of comics like back home or in New York or L.A. who I feel like are some of the funniest people in the world and don't have a lick of work ethic. So the world will never know. It's horrible. But it's some of them.

It's not the work ethic. Some of them get jobs, like, in the business. Like, they're writers or, like, Owen Smith, who is one of the top 20 stand-up comics alive. Owen Smith is a fucking killer. His shit is so tight. He's so smooth on stage. You look at him, you're like, how is this guy not selling out arenas? How is this guy not selling out arenas?

It's because Owen had great jobs. He got a bunch of great jobs. He runs sitcoms and stuff, runs shows. He's a writer. But God damn, when you look at the quality of his stand-up, man, you should be everywhere. You should be everywhere. I mean, to each their own.

If he's happy, he's happy, right? Yeah, I think the writer's strike probably freaked him out. I think the writer's strike and the actor's strike freaked a lot of those guys out. They're like, oh, shit. Because if they just pulled a plug for five, six months in some sort of contract negotiations, like some of those executives were literally saying, wait these people out when they start losing their homes. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah. That's some saw that. Yeah.

That's some cutthroat shit. That's wild. Imagine if you got to go to work with those people after that. Imagine you know that's how they feel about you. I couldn't do that. I mean, I already didn't go that route. I don't know if I could ever go that route. You could have gone that route in the 90s.

In the 90s? That was the only option, man. In the 90s, when I first came to Hollywood in 94, that was what everybody wanted. You wanted what Jerry Seinfeld had. You wanted what Roseanne had. It was Brett Butler, who's... What was that show called again? Grace Under Fire. Grace Under Fire.

That was a big show. Tim Allen. You wanted to be a comic that got a sitcom. That was the shit, dude. Fuck yeah. If you were a comic that got a sitcom, now you got a if you're a comic that got a shit sitcom now you got a house in beverly hills you're fucking balling out of control you're driving a ferrari whoa you made it that's what everybody wanted this was like the goal right yeah and somewhere

along the line i think it was like the 2000s reality shows came around everybody wanted a reality show they're too cheap they're so cheap show? They're so cheap to make. They're so cheap to make. And you don't, I mean, you have like, you barely pay the people that are on them. Like all those Real Housewives and shit, they're not like making millions of dollars, I don't think. Do you think they are? I don't know. Now I'd like to know just so I can talk shit to them.

I think like maybe the new ones do. Like they could could obviously the Kardashians make a shitload of money All right, but I think they own their show But what about like the point is like they're way easier to make than a sitcom Way like fear factor was you know was complicated in the stunts and all the stuff they had to do But you don't have to write a script and like all that stuff like plays out on its own It's like people competing It plays out the drama just happens and you have good editing good music and all that shit But a sitcom and I write a good one, but that shit is brutal

My yeah props to writers man props to write props to writers I don't know hard TV in general just kind of scares me acting writing. I don't know. I just you're just so TV in general just kind of scares me. Acting, writing, I don't know. You're just so attached to other people's opinions of you. You're constantly getting chosen for stuff. I feel like even though I've never done that, I do get tired of comments. I know they say never read the comments, but I read them.

But it'll be like, I could take a joke. I could take getting roasted, especially if it's people who follow me. It kind of feels like, oh, well, I mean, they follow. It's some sort of support. It feels like you're getting roasted by, like, your cousin. Like, hey, still on my team. Fuck it. But the ones that, like, piss me off, like, I don't know why they shouldn't,

but they just throw me over there. It's like I want to fucking hit this guy in the face. It's like if I just left, like like let's say i did miami last month and then i are like two weeks ago and then i post like a flyer for next show's month like next month's shows and people are like what the fuck you avoiding miami i'm like hey dumb man i was just there like two weeks ago like when'd you start following me asshole like stop making me look like i don't show your city love like you can't pay attention to that that's just someone who doesn't look at schedules i hate it yeah but that's like just you just that's a crazy person there's a lack of information yeah but i don't know why i just but i stopped checking social media i'll check it like

once throughout the day and if if i happen to catch your message or your comment i catch it if not fuck it like tomorrow you know what it's like catch it. If not, fuck it, like tomorrow. You know what it's like, man? It's like when you're out at like a party or a club or something like that and someone yells across the room, yo, what's up, Ralph? Yeah.

You know, and you're like, hey, what's up, man? He goes, dude, I'm a fan. What's up? How you doing? Then he'll give you some love. But he's like checking you to see if you'll react to him. That's kind of like what they're doing in the comments. What, you don't come to Miami?

Man, yeah. Somebody tried to do that in like, I think it was Denver. I was already pretty drunk. And I was tripping off mushrooms, man. And I was like in a playful mood. I can't help it. And some guy stopped me while I was walking out of the club. And he was like, yo, Ralph.

And I don't know why my first reaction instantly was just to be like, yo, Rodrigo. And I didn't know who he was or nothing. I was just like, huh? Like, we're guessing people's names now? And he just like, he went blank face. He's like, what? And I was like, I'm fucking with you, man. I was like, what's your name?

And he was like, like Eric or something. I was like, yo, Eric? And then I was like, nice fucking with you man i was like what's your name and he was like like eric or something i was like yo eric and then i was like nice to meet you bro and i was like my bad man just walked off and when we were outside uh man it was like snowy icy we're outside and some that same that's pretty sure it was that same dude he was like hey ralph he's like man you pussy bro and i was like i was like what's up I was like what's your deal bro what's going on I had a feeling like he was because he was still real smiley I had a feeling he was just fucking me or something I was like what's up man what's your deal he's like what I was like what's up bro what's your deal he's like what's my deal and I felt so cool because I was smoking a cigarette I was like what you want to do bro and my friend Luis was really drunk that

dude just loves to fight. Luis pointed at my buddy Vince, who's like the nerdiest guy in the world. He's a writer for that show, This Fool. Super nerdy guy with glasses. He's like, you see this guy, bro? He knows MMA. He doesn't, though. I don't know.

I don't think Vince has ever been in a fight. That dude was like, I'm fucking with you, man. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry. But I was just kind of waiting for him to come at me. Usually, if I get into a fight, I'm going to get the first hit. I'm a with you, man. I'm sorry, bro. I'm sorry. But I was just kind of waiting for him to come at me. Usually, if I get into a fight, I'm going to get the first hit. I'm a small dude. I'm not going to risk getting knocked out on the first punch.

I'm not like, if he hits me, then I'll hit him. If there's a fight that's going to happen, I'm fucking swinging first. I'm going to lose either way, most likely, but I'm going to at least start swinging first before you knock me out. But I wanted him to come to me because it was so snowy and icy. I was like, if I start walking and I fucking slip, I want him to risk slipping first before I risk slipping. Yeah, ice fighting is not smart. It was the day before the Netflix special came out.

So I was like, I'm not going to have a video of me getting knocked out in the ice come out the day before the special. You have to know jujitsu if you're going to fight on the ice. 100%. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're fighting someone on a slippery surface, all you have to know jujitsu if you're going to fight on the ice. 100%. Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're fighting someone on a slippery surface, all you have to do is grab them, and you're both going to the ground. All right. I'm going to keep that in mind.

Yeah. But don't fight. Don't fight, man. Don't fight on ice. I feel like it's coming. Don't fight with mice. I'm getting heated just talking about this. Don't fight, Ralph.

You're a wild young kid. Don't do it. You got a great career. Don't fight. Don't be fighting people. You're a wild young kid. Don't do it. You got a great career. Don't fight. Don't be fighting people. If you want to fight, go to a gym. I went to a boxing gym for a little bit earlier this year. I went for like two months.

That'd be good for you. Yeah. I liked it. I want to do something different, though. Boxing is one of the very best things ever for relieving tension. If you're fucking tense, you got too much going on in your world man you just put on some good tunes i have a wu-tang playlist when i hit the bag i i would uh i'd go like early like early in the morning for like private sessions and uh that's what i would put on some wu-ting some rizzo rizzo specifically he has that

one song that like uh you can't stop me now yeah it's like a boxing classic rizzo's got so many jams but for me number one is protect your neck that has to be on every playlist and uh that's like we when we would drive we would drive to the arena shows, and sometimes we'd get a police escort. And there's something wild about cop cars with flashing lights, and you're listening to Protect Your Neck. Nice. I've never had a police escort, but one time in a parking lot, I had a security guard escort. But they have the yellow lights. Those aren't as threatening or as fun, the yellow lights.

No, that's not as fun the yellow lights no that's not as fun you need blue lights it was also like a like a shopping center parking lot it's not exactly an arena but dude some of the best comedy clubs ever and there's a little shopping center mall places yeah little fucking clubs that you would never imagine were great you know little funny bones yeah man shit there's some i've never been that one that's at the mall of america but i heard that's dope too that was like the first club i got to do like when i started hitting the road that was like our second club i don't know it was like november like early november are you from dallas are you from dallas so like minnesota

winter is a different thing man oh i loved it i love the cold i'm tired of the heat yeah i'm so sick of the heat oh that's funny i had i finally had a reason to wear a jacket like see i grew up in boston oh so you're used to the cold as fuck in boston and i'm like fuck the cold you can heat me up. That doesn't bother me at all. I know people die in the cold. People die in their car in the cold. Yeah. Yeah.

In the heat, all you have to do is get in the shade, get water, don't be stupid, be in reasonably good shape, and you can get away with it. If there's, like, woods and you have water. If it's the cold, you're fucked. But I love it, man. I'm skinny. I just layer up. Wear like two, three jackets. Oh, that's great.

As long as there's a place to get warm. Yeah. That's the thing. Like you can't survive unless you can get warm. That's the difference. Like everybody's worried about global warming. Global cooling is what freaks me out. Ice ages freak me out yo when texas froze a couple years ago i was i was somebody i think i was watching like a video

on instagram somebody was just like if uh climate change like keeps getting worse that will happen but like for longer periods of time or for like colder temperatures if that's true then yeah i'm pretty scared bro that's all guesswork. Everyone's guessing. Yeah, there's definitely an impact. It's undeniable that human beings have an impact. But here's the problem. The climate is never the same.

It's never steady forever. If you go back to like 1934 in, I think it was Wyoming, got to like 118 degrees. Holy shit. Yeah, something crazy like that. And they were talking, it was, God, I don't remember where I saw this. I guess that's why they call it climate change. It's because of the Dust Bowl. The Dust Bowl.

What was that? I always hear about that. Climate change. The Dust Bowl. I don't know. It's bad, like a lot of, I I mean this is not exactly what it was but a lot of the bad farming and drought it caused a bunch of bad crops so they all and they all turn to like shit they turn to dust mmm they created giant dust storms all over the like western part of the country that heated things up it led to a bunch of

shit in the air that like caused problems with the storms and the Sun and I definitely did heat things up I bet they thought the world was ending right then and there that's wild but anyway the point is if you go back in time you know when they do what they do these things called core samples so they take this giant slab of the earth you know hundreds of feet down and through that you can you know what error they do carbon testing And so they know like this is from a thousand years ago. This is from two thousand years ago When they when they do that it's all over the place man when they had they have these charts of the temperature of the earth Throughout history have you ever seen them? Mm-hmm They go like this all over the place, but even before people like it's always been wacky

I'm learning a lot man learning about Hollywood in the 90s and climate change bro I'm here to teach this is such a one-sided podcast man it's not even fair like oh it's not come on man it's not I was thinking about that on the way over here it is but like do you realize how how like, this is, like, bro, it's not even fair, bro. Why is that? I have everything to gain here. Like, me, I'm 27, right? Right. And, you know, you're Joe Rogan.

You got the experience. You got the podcast. You got all this knowledge in the world of comedy business. If I just listen, I'm going to learn some shit today. But you, you got to talk to, like, a 27- like a 27 year old like what do you even talk about like everything we've talked about i'm learning this is my first 27 come on man i love what you're doing right now i really do i love comics on the rise it's exciting to me well comedy is fun i love comedy i love uh good comics and i love when when people get better at shit and i

love watching it i really do i love watching people crack it's fun i love like trying people get better at shit. And I love watching it. I really do. I love watching people crack. It's fun. I'm definitely trying to get better. You're fucking great, man. You're funny as shit. You're cool. You're relaxed. You're smooth on stage.

You've got a lot going for you, man. And I love it. Sometimes I won't be smooth on stage. Sometimes I'll have a burst of energy and I'll let it out and I'll have fun that way. And I can tell some of the audience is like, ah, this this is fun and some of them think I'm on drugs because they've never seen that they're like he's coked out I'm never I'm not a coke guy though I'm not I want people to know that if you ever see me on stage and I'm not like super mellow and I'm actually energetic just know it's not drugs mushrooms maybe not not anything else though yeah I don't

I know a few guys who've done like the guys who had problems with coke, who did coke and then did stand-up, and they said it fucked their stand-up up. Yeah, I bet. I'm sober on stage like 98% of the time. Yeah, you're smoother that way. I like a drink. I like a drink every now and again. A little puff and a drink. Sometimes you need that just to kind of lose, like... Just to get in the fun mood yeah just we're having fun you know yeah for sure sometimes you might be a little stressed depending what's going on in your day your week and you need like a shot a couple hits to like take that off a little bit just take that edge off and just say come on ralph enjoy this shit you're on on a fun ride. Yeah. Let's go.

I just, I try to chill sometimes just because I know that if I do start drinking, I'm not going to stop. Like, I'm not at, like, a few beers in the night. I might, if I have two shows, I might drink a beer or two before the second show. I might drink another couple beers on the stage. But I'm also, like, when I'm on, like, the West Coast, from Texas to the West, my audiences are, like, 100% Mexican. Like, there's no type of mix. And if you drink in front of an all-Mexican crowd, they're just going to keep, like, chug, chug, chug.

And there's no satisfying them. Like, I learned my lesson. If you chug one, you'll have to chug another. If you chug the next one, like, you'll be eight beers in wanting to throw up on stage. More dudes are going to bring you beers. Yeah yeah let me get him one too yeah so like so i won't drink on stage if i do i'll let them know like i'm not fucking you're not you're not doing this to me yeah they could take you down a rabbit but after the show if i already started drinking after the show i'll keep it going mitzi's is a fun place to be after the shows. Where? Mitzi's, the bar downstairs, the mothership. Oh yeah? Tonight, after the shows, we're going downstairs. All right, all right.

It's great. Whole staff's partying, just hanging out. Yeah, it's a great vibe. It's a real great sense of community and home, you know, that it's a real like home base, you know? You need home bases when you're on the road a lot. You do. I think you do, too. Keep you human. That's what we used to have at the store. It was a home base.

All these guys that would tour on the weekends, we'd all meet each other at the bar downstairs. It was a comedian's only bar. It was this beautiful bar. And the bar itself was Mitzi's. It was from her home. And they moved it. When she moved out of her home, they moved it and they put it in this one.

So you knew it was like, you're holding on to Mitzi's bar. This is hers. You know, this is her bar. Like you feel her bar. When you put your hand down, when you have a drink,

you set it down on Mitzi's bar. There was something about that, man. And then we're, you know, Ron White's back there and fucking Dave Chappelle's back there. Dave brings his own music. Sometimes it's crazy. white's back there and fucking dave chapelle's back there dave brings his own music sometimes it's crazy it's beautiful i fucking love that beautiful it's just a hang man and so that's what we do at the mothership dave has good music he's always got the best i get i always have shazam on point when they have it set up so uh i tap the back of my

phone three times and shazam pops up. I just have it on the little pull-down menu or whatever. I don't know what you call it. I don't want to show you my messages. I got a new case. It's a little thick. I might have fucked up my tapping. That was like the sweetest thing.

I could tap three times. Boom, boom, boom. You're going to have to work out your hands more. See, Shazam comes up. Hell yeah. Yeah, I got to get better finger strength. I got to get better. You're telling me,

buddy. Gotta work on my piano skills. I imagine piano players, man. That kind of dexterity in your fingers. Piano and guitar or anything you could do with your fingers like that, that's some wild dexterity. There's Instagram videos. I got a trick for that. There's no need for dexterity these days. I mean, if you're going to play like a full-on song, then yeah, you need dexterity and actual piano lessons. But if you're the type of guy like me who just every now and then comes across a piano and you want to impress people, there's these Instagram videos that have like four keys tops. And if you play like the keys the way they tell you it's a simple little pattern but it sounds like you're doing a bunch it sounds like you have dexterity so it's cool i just like to trick people i have no real skills i just well that's a skill you just have a very small skill

yeah like you were playing pool earlier with jake you can make a ball right that's a skill you're just not a professional pool player yeah that's the difference I know enough to get by yeah you have I'm like that I'm like Leo on catch me if you can I'll get by I'll get some money but it won't be a real career here well you know that's one of the beautiful things about anything like you learn and then you realize how much more there is to learn like I remember when I first started doing stand-up you know all you're trying to do is just get a laugh just all you're trying to do is like figure out how to not drown up there and slowly but surely try to find things that you think are funny and that make make you but you you're getting better you know over time for sure everybody

gets better all of us get better for sure And there's something about that that's fucking cool. And it seems to never end, man. That's what I love about stand-up. I've always loved to learn. Like, I love it. I've had various jobs just for the sake of learning that specific little trade. But stand-up was the first thing that I was like, man, this is never ending. Like, I'm never going to finish learning. I'm never going to finish getting as good as I want to get.

So that's the one that I really stuck to. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing, too, because you get this amazing feedback from all these people and you make them feel better. When people leave a great show, they have this fucking smile on their face like, oh, shit, that was great. That was so fun. Yeah. That was so fun. Sometimes girls want to have sex with you after. That's crazy. Yeah. You're bringing joy. Yeah. You're just bringing joy to all these people. that was so fun yeah that was so fun sometimes girls want to have sex with you after that's

crazy yeah you're bringing joy you're just bringing joy to all these people but you're getting better at it too dom herrera said that to me once and dom at the time was in his 60s and he's like joe i don't think i've ever been sharper he goes like all these sets at the store he goes i feel like stand-up is an amazing thing because you could just keep getting better at it i'm motivated to do more of it whether I kill or I bomb. Because if I bomb, I'm like, bro, would I have to fix that? Have you seen Ron White lately? Mm-mm.

Ron White's sober now. He doesn't drink anymore. Better than ever. Yeah? Better than ever. You see, that's why I want to stay sober. Murdering. Murdering.

I mean, murdering. Ron White's a fucking assassin. And he's, like like never been sharper new bits always working on new shit constantly rolling out new material he's going on tour again he's gonna have a retirement party i'm like bitch you ain't retiring i don't think you could retire with stand-up i think i think i mean what do i know but he was saying that he was just gonna do the club i'll just do the mothership i'm like to do the club. I'll just do the mothership. I'm like, yeah, for a while you're just going to do the mothership, but you're going to get that itch.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what he's going through or anything, but I feel like this is the type of game where you could try to retire. You could try to take breaks. But, man, there's no finishing this. It's too fun. Yeah. There's just no way to finish.

And you're doing it with people that are like you. Yeah. We're weirdos. Yeah. We can find other comics to hang out with. They're the most forgiving, understanding, ridiculous people. Talk shit to each other all the time. Everyone's laughing.

That green room at the mothership, at any given night, it is just like a full-on show. And we're all howling at each other you know Hinchcliffe's cracking on people Shane Gillis is cracking on people Ron White chimes in Brian Simpson dumps on people it's wild back there we're having so much fun just all laughing at each other just all falling down on the ground slapping tables just fucking dope man it's it's beautiful it's hard to like joke like it's hard to go back from that like yeah when you get used to talking shit with comics my group of friends that i grew up with we talked heavy amounts of shit to each other like there was no there was no line and i feel like with comics you can do that too you know everybody's just shooting the shit but But it's tough sometimes, like going home or trying to like, like I've dated people where I meet their family or whatever.

And, you know, you start to get a little comfortable. But you're like, you forget that they have, their line is way fucking. Way, way, way, way down the road. Yeah. And I'm like, fuck. You passed their line along you passed their line in the third grade yeah i've said i've said some jokes in front of like the family of girls i've dated or something like that where they're just like holy shit man i'm like all right my bad

my bad yeah it's tough to go back but sometimes i kind of miss that too to be around somebody who's like not a comic like i don't. My uncle has a body shop. And sometimes there's just random dudes that'll go hang out, dudes that are getting their cars painted there. And sometimes I like miss those guys because I remember them just talking shit about like just random things. Just regular dudes. Yeah.

Sometimes they're curious about things and they don't have the knowledge of like the celebrity world or like like the outside this or that you know just kind of shooting the shit yeah sometimes i do kind of miss those convos but i don't know i i i don't like them getting mad at joe yeah i know what you're saying yeah i mean i got a lot of friends that have regular jobs one of my best friends he's works a maintenance guy at a high school. I've known him since I was like 24, 23. Do you ever imagine like. Shout out to Tommy Jr.

Yo, what up, Tommy Jr.? Do you ever imagine like going back to something like that? Like. To like regular life? Yeah, do you ever. Yeah. Yeah. back to something like that like to like regular life yeah do you ever yeah yeah well i think everybody that gets real famous there's a certain amount of pressure that comes with that that's not comfortable for some people you know like you think how it is like reading your comments you

imagine if i read my comments i was gonna ask you about that too do you ever read them no no they're not good for you they're not no i think the bad ones are not good for you and the good ones aren't good for you either no they can't be because you got to stay yeah you no matter what and that's difficult and a lot of guys lose their mind and i've lost my mind a few times and got it back but you you could lose your mind you can get lost in you know other people's opinions of you who are you you really? You're not, you need at least some amount of time in your day to self-reflect, just self-reflect. You know, if you half-ass something or if you did a good job, you know, if you're prepared for something

the way you should have, you know, you know, you know, if a show went well, you know, if a show sucked, you know, you were off, you like, you didn't have, and it was something, anything, whatever it is, you know, and if you don't spend enough time thinking about that and working on those things, whether it's with your personal life or your standup or your hobbies or anything that you're doing, if you don't have at least some time where you're not thinking about other people's opinions, but you're just looking at it yourself then you got too much noise coming in and too much noise oh fuck you i didn't say fuck you and then you see people where their whole life is engaged in these meaningless disputes with people meaningless yeah energy that you could spend on positive things like friendships like a hobby that you enjoy spend on positive things like friendships, like a hobby that you enjoy, like your loved ones, like positive things about life.

And I think for some people, they get trapped in this world of other people's opinions and they don't take enough time to look at themselves. Like, think about yourself. Think about you. Think about what you're doing. I'm learning. Yeah, I'm learning that. At least for me, I don't know. I feel like-up is a lot like a fight or like racing a car like everybody could have an opinion on like why you won it why you lost it the race or the but

nobody's really in the car with you nobody saw if you actually shifted wrong or correctly right or if it was because you ducked when you should have punched or something like right only you know only you know yeah learning that yeah but that's something like that. Only you know. Only you know. Yeah. Learning that. Yeah, but I guess that's the case with everything. And there's nothing wrong with people expressing opinions. But I just don't think it's good for you to get engaged with them.

I just don't think that's mentally healthy. Oh, I've engaged. I'm sure. I engaged for like a good two hours. But here's where I fucked up. Not only engaging is I waited to like a good two hours but here's my here's where I fucked up not only engaging is I I waited to post a clip and I had a feeling that a few people would talk some shit so I post I waited to post it on an afternoon where I'd have some time to engage like I knew I would

yeah I was like nah because I want to see what people say right right um but after a while I was like all right I've engaged enough like but yeah after that I was like, all right, I've engaged enough. Like, but yeah, after that, I was like, no, I'm not doing this again. That was kind of my like, all right, I'm good on engaging point. That was when I realized, like, I should I should not check social media anymore or not as often. I posted a clip making fun of Latino Republicans. I didn't even like say anything harsh. They got mad mad i didn't say all i said is they look weird that's that's like the heaviest thing i said was that it's weird to see a dude with an accent be like we gotta stop immigrants you know you're like because you're like wondering when they got

here like right i didn't i was like i don't know they're saying they're wrong i mean fucking robot doesn't taste weird but i mean you need it right like maybe it's working I don't know if you're saying they're wrong. I mean, fucking Robitussin tastes weird, but I mean, you need it, right? Like, maybe it's working. I don't know. So I'm not saying they're wrong. I just said it a little weird. Well, there's a shitload of them in Florida. Yeah.

All the people that came from communist countries. Oh, here in Texas, too. Fuck that nonsense. So a lot of the people who came from- You want one of these little cigars? Yeah, hell yeah. These little Ron White specials. Ron White got me on these little cigars.

Little baby cigars. You don't have to finish a whole one. A lot of the people who were commenting were like people who came from communist countries. And I don't know their experience. I don't know the experience of anybody, really. I'm just up there talking some shit. But I wasn't trying to change anybody's mind. I wasn't like.

You're just talking shit. Yeah, I was like, you shouldn't be. And people were in the comments. They were like, well, Ralph doesn't understand politics. Yeah, I yeah i don't this is a joke like yeah i'm just talking shit also i just said you look weird i didn't say nothing wrong with it you know what i mean some versace shirts look weird they do look weird but they're nice they're nice you know what i mean wasn't that what shane got for the fights you got a versace shirt a a golden Versace shirt. That shit looked dope. That's a bold move. You know?

You got a gold Versace shirt on. You're like, I'm here to party. You know? That's like the ultimate Hawaiian shirt. Like a Hawaiian shirt is I'm here to party. And a Versace shirt. Oh, yeah. I saw it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're talking about. He posted a picture. There you go. Look at him. With the president. With the former president it's a blurry picture that's a badass picture by the way like i'm not like a trump supporter or nothing but that's just a fucking dope picture it's a fun picture have you ever seen shane's uh

trump impression yeah it's fucking insane it's so good you have like an ashtray oh right there if i was Trump's friend I'd try to get him To shave his head I'd be like Come on bro I wanna I wanna take more

Cool pictures like that Just post them every now and then And I don't think He put like a caption right I don't I don't know what he put up I don't think he put a Bro that's fucking genius

That's why this dude's Like the next GOAT bro Oh he's so funny man He's so funny man he's so funny that but he has about navy seals oh my god i watched it a hundred times i could watch it a hundred times he's so funny man and he's out here too now it's it's cool because we got like this real like good vibe going where everybody's just really fucking having fun it's in it and there's all these young guys coming up because

like a big point of the club was development like we want to have two nights of open mic night every sunday every monday open mic night and then monday kill tony kill tony is the anchor that's the anchor because it sets the tone of the culture like you have one minute in that minute you got to be funny you just got to be and then people realize like oh that's what this is all about yeah this is an art form it's an art form and it's about how to be funny and everybody's got their own way you know ali sadiq has these great stories he's got these beautiful long stories amazing storyteller you know and then you got joey diaz who's like bang bang bang bang bang bang, bang, bang, bang. He hits you with those bang, bang, bangs.

I love the upstairs room, the little boy, because you got comics going up, but you also have, like, every employee in the mothership going up. Yeah, well, they're all comics. Yeah, they're all comics, too. But you're giving them a chance, man. A lot of comics work the club to try to, like, get in with the club, like, across the country, whatever their club is. And sometimes even they don't get really the chance. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Well, we all came from open mics. Everybody did. Like, that's the only way to do it. You have to get on stage. Yeah. So why would a club not have an open mic? And they're like, well, it doesn't, you know, we could fill it up with a headliner. Yeah, you could.

You could. But you're making a short-term gain decision where you're making more money. And you're not looking at the long-term just for the art form. The art form needs seeds. It needs plants. It needs someone to help. It needs someone to tend the garden. It needs someone to help need someone to tend the garden need someone to give people opportunities and to say like this is a renewable resource this beautiful thing that we

all enjoy people talking shit and us laughing it's the it's the most beautiful thing i love it to death there's the art side and the business side yeah well that's got to be a balance to it. That's where you yeah, you got it You got it. I don't know man. I No one else. I don't know anybody else who did it this way because we had to do it in a way where You know, we we all got up and moved right? So it was crazy in the first place and we all took this chance to come here in the beginning A lot of guys moved long before there was a club so we were just doing the Vulcan and they had heard that oh they got these wild ass shows they're doing in Texas indoors in November of 2020 we were doing shows indoors and it just started coming and then one day we did a show with Ron White and Ron White grabbed

my shoulders he got off so he hadn't done stand-up in like eight months. He grabs my shoulder, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this. He goes, when are you going to get your fucking club open up?

I go, let's fucking go, Ron White. Let's do this shit. He's like, let's fucking go. I mean, he had just gotten off stage. And then he gave you these cigars?

Yeah, he loves these little cigars. I like these a lot. They're good if you want a whole cigar. I never smoked a cigar until I hung out with Bert Kreischer. You want a big one? You want a real cigar? Yeah.

I'll take a big cigar. Hold on, please. Hold, please. Get you some of these foundation cigars. We got our own cigar, bro. You make those cigars? No, foundation cigars. We got our own cigar, bro. You make those cigars? No, foundation cigars do. Oh, I've never heard of that company.

I'm new to the cigar world. I just got into it like in the summer. I'm learning. Shout out to my man, Nick. Yeah, this dude, I was super skeptical. He goes, we made you some cigars. I'm like, come on, man. These are probably going to be wax cigars with a label on it.

But no, this dude is like a real cigar head. Like, you know, he travels to the places where they grow it. He's involved in the whole process of it. Hell yeah. He makes a bunch of like

really dope cigars. Like Willy Wonka when he traveled to the jungle to find Oompa Loompas and stuff? Something like that. But anytime I hear like, you know how to work these? Oh, shit. Anytime I meet a dude who's, like, really into something,

like my friend Evan from Black Rifle Coffee, that dude is, like, super, super into coffee. And he's got this laboratory at his factory. He took us to the Black Rifle warehouses where they do all their work there and do all the roasting. They have these giant roasting machines. And he's got this laboratory where he's like testing different weights of how much coffee you put in, different temperatures. And they've got these dudes sitting around sipping them, trying to figure out what's the perfect way to do this shit. Like they're doing it like a lab.

Professional sippers. Yeah, man. But that's when you're going to get that dope coffee. That really good coffee. I'm just guiding into coffee this year coffee and cigars that's that's 2023 ralph right there i had this dude on once um i always forget his name yeah a lot of dudes on here once peter julia yeah i've had a lot of dudes on there but i had this dude on who was a real coffee expert and he schooled me and all the different kinds of coffee

and how they grow them and how they take care of them and hey you had this one guy on here once i remember watching the clips on youtube uh what he was talking about like christianity like ancient christianity yeah um and he asked you uh about i think i think it was a clip about psychedelics yeah like but he i forgot i forgot the exact question he asked you he was like can i tell you he's like can i tell you about like the the way christianity was or something like that i forgot how exactly the exact question he asked you and you said yeah and he comes like yeah and he kind of laughed a little bit but i should scare the shit out of me if i would have heard the guy laugh And he's like, yeah? And he kind of laughed a little bit. Bro, that shit scared the shit out of me. If I would have heard the guy laugh after he's like,

can I tell you about this? And I'm like, yeah. And then he laughs. I'd be like, never mind, bro. I feel like you're not. Why did he laugh? What are you going to tell me? Are you going to say a magic spell?

What are you going to say? He was talking about a, I don't remember all of it. I just remember he was talking about like that Christianity used to be kind of like a cult, and then he was saying something about they went underground with it to watch it or something. Who was that, Jamie? You know who that is? I was thinking he was talking about Brian Murawski. Brian Murawski, probably.

It could have been somebody else. It might have been Brian. Brian's amazing. Yeah. I mean, it was a cool episode. I learned a lot of shit about Christianity that I later forgot. But it was just that one. The one way he asked the question that scared the shit out of me.

And I was watching the clip like at 1 a.m. just chilling, you know. So I turned that off and I just turned the lights on in my room. I was like, all right. It freaked me out a little bit. What's interesting about Christianity, everybody wants to know what was the first shit they wrote down. Like everybody knows like the New Testament, right? The New Testament. But then you go, what about the Old Testament?

Like, ah, that's not—don't pay attention to that. Yeah, I don't really like that, that they be changing shit, you know? Give me one set of rules, leave it. Now, if you choose to follow them or not, that's on you, but don't change shit. Even if it is the writings of Jesus, even if it is the writings even if all that is unadulterated it's not been altered by human beings it's still put together by people written down by people you ever uh you ever do that thing very different than the old testament they uh i remember they did this like at barber college once just to like teach us a lesson or some shit i don't know but they had this long

bench they sat down all the students and our instructor whispered a secret to the first person right on the far right and then you gotta keep yeah you gotta just keep whispering the secret down the line and by the end of the line it's a totally different sentence right that shit made me never want to like check out the bible anymore yeah the bible was uh they think they it was an oral tradition for hundreds if not a thousand years before they ever wrote it down god damn that's a yeah yeah that's a lot of mix-up could be yeah for sure people could have added some shit in there you're religious at all like you go to church or anything you follow a religion i'm not religious but i'm not an atheist people always say

i'm an atheist i'm not an atheist i i feel like i'm on something like that you know there's something going on out there i mean i grew up like somewhat catholic like how most mexican catholics are like maybe you don't go to church but you do this thing all the time. So I'm still like, you know. But yeah, there is. I don't know, man. I don't know what to believe. I do want to have a religion. I'm not going to lie.

It would be nice if there was a good one. One you could really lock into. Like, man, you guys are making sense. Well, I just like that people really lock into something. And I don't know, man. I want to defend something. I want to be like, you don't speak that way about Allah. Right. It's a nice gang to be a part of.

Right. Very aggressive gang. But I also feel like the gang I belong to, whether I like it or not, is, like, the comedy world. Just make fun of everything. Yeah. That's our gang. But I think religion helps a lot of people. And I don't necessarily think it's—

Oh, yeah. I think it helps a lot of people and I don't necessarily think it's oh yeah I think it came from somewhere and I think there's there's like real wisdom to these stories that people wrote down thousands of years ago but there's a lot of problems in the translations too because they're translating shit from like the here's a good example the Dead Sea Scrolls is the oldest version of the Bible that they're aware of and it's from Qumran these it's this the they had these like these caves and they found these big pottery vessels with scrolls in them and these scrolls they're all made of animal skins. That's how old they are. That was their paper.

They wrote on animal skins. And one of the ways that they figured out, they had to put it all together again. And a lot of it was crumpled and falling apart. And so they had to do DNA testing so that they could figure out, okay, these samples are all from this cow. And so we'll put these here. And it took them fucking years and years and years to do this. And after 14 years of deciphering it, there was this one guy. His name was John Marco Allegro.

And he was an ordained minister, but he was also agnostic. Because when he studied theology, the more he started studying it, the more he's like, wait, what the fuck is it? How come this is so much different than this? And what's the origins of these words and where this all come from? So this guy studies this Dead Sea Scrolls for 14 years. And then he writes a book called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross. And he said that the whole Christian religion was really about psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals. That these people had hidden all of these stories in these allegories and in these tales. They'd hidden all this information on what to do and when to do it.

And that all – it's a very, very controversial book. But that all of the – like even – You think they got it at Barnes and Nobles? I think you could probably get it now. I know it got republished. I think it was bought out by the Catholic Church for a long time. I didn't know the Catholic Church was buying out books. They didn't want this one out. Some Wolf of Wall Street shit?

I don't know if that's true. I need to find out if that's true because I've said it before because someone told it to me. Dude, you say it with enough confidence, it's true. Yeah, if you say it with enough confidence, you can get Catholic Church bought out GameStop a couple years ago. They're responsible for Battlefield Earth. Hell yeah. Man, that's crazy that they

were riding on like cow skin. Yeah, that's all they had. Fucking cows, man. Cows have never had it easy on this earth, bro. Colby beef. Even when they have a good life, it's only for Colby beef, you know what I mean? Right. Even when they have a good life, it's only for Kobe beef. You know what I mean? Right. Even if they have a good life,

it's only like 16 years old. What is it like in Japan where they really like massage them? Imagine being that cow and just being like, damn, I've heard about cows that get slaughtered, but man, I got lucky

to be born in this life. And they're like, nope. You got slightly luckier than the other cows, but still a cow. The thing about cows is if you care about suffering, you can buy beef from a regenerative farm where that cow dies instantly, lives a great life until it dies.

And then you'd say, no, we should let them free. They should be free. The way they die when they're free is horrific. Yeah? Horrific, yeah, because they get eaten to death free is horrific yeah horrific yeah because they get eaten to death oh yeah right yeah they get eaten yeah they most of them are not going to make it past being a calf mountain lions bears wolves they bring wolves back they've brought wolves back everywhere now wolves are in colorado now they're moving them in yeah they're moving them

in badass i don't know you. The wolves are back in town. The wolves are back in town. I think that's the boys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what they meant. The wolves are back in town. They're going to eat your dog. They're going to kill your kids.

Oh, shit. I didn't think about that. That's the little Red Riding Hood shit, man. That's all the big bad wolf. That's because in Europe, in like the 1400s or whatever the fuck. They're eating people's grandmas and shit. They ate everybody. Wolves ate everybody.

Wolves ate people. Wait, what year was this? Listen, wolves always eat people. In World War I, there was a ceasefire between the Germans and the Russians because wolves were eating so many soldiers that they decided to band together and kill the wolves. Oh, shit. So, you know, maybe they're not a problem.

The world is very split right now. Maybe wolves are going to bring us back together. Maybe, man. Also, maybe we need to bring back psychedelic Christianity. Maybe that's what Red Riding Hood was on. That's why she thought the wolf was her grandma and shit. Probably. Tripping.

Bitch was tripping. Yeah. Imagine how high you have to be like a wolf with a dress as your grandma i'll tell you this though on the whole christian psychedelic trip shit one time i ate like nine ten grams of shrooms and i swear to god the ceiling there was a face in it and i like for some reason in my mind i was like that's god and he's fucking pissed and then i pissed yeah at you yeah for what i don't know i think it's just because on the inside i'm always and he was fucking pissed. He was pissed? Yeah. At you? Yeah. For what? I don't know.

I think it's just because on the inside I'm always, I've never done mushrooms out in the, like, during the day. I know some people are like, yeah, man, do mushrooms, go to a park. Nah, uh-uh. Because I do believe there's, like, God out there, some sort of God. And I don't think he's necessarily, like like the good guy on a TV show. I think he's God. You know what I mean?

You ever had like a boss at a place? And maybe he's not exactly fair. Maybe he's not exactly nice. But he's the fucking boss. And when he says go, I feel like maybe that's what God is, you know, for better or worse. And I feel like if I do mushrooms out in the open, he's going to be like mad. So I do them at night. I usually do them in my hotel rooms. I'll do research on hotels that have like artwork and stuff like hotel indigo great place to trip especially the one in houston if i go to houston i'm staying at the hotel indigo

but yeah the ceiling man i was tripping so hard and the face came out and it looked like it like it looked like a hand and then like an elbow. And then I felt like he was putting his elbow on my neck. Whoa. And I couldn't breathe. I started trying to breathe real hard. I was like, and my buddy was like having a nice trip. He was just like, that's right, man, breathe.

I was like, no, dumbass, like I can't breathe. God's choking you. Yeah, God was like putting the pressure down on my neck. But I felt like that was maybe in my mind. Well, it's definitely in your mind. Yeah, you know, like just feeling pressure in general. Right, right. Wondering if I'm doing the right thing or not.

Yeah, well, a lot of changes have happened really quickly with you. You know, Brian Simpson was telling me that you were going to open for him one weekend. January of 2022, I think. And then you blew up, and then he called you, and you're like, bro, I'm headlining all these clubs now. Nah, that story. That's what he said.

The story's a little different. He said you were doing great. I mean, yeah. He said it was a period of a few months, and he got a hold of you, and you were headlining everywhere. I can't, man. I shouldn't say how the story went, because I'm not even sure how the story went. Maybe that is how. I do remember we spoke, and I was just telling him, like i'm like i do want to open for you because he's fucking

brian simpson that dude's hilarious hilarious but at the same time i was like i kind of want to take my chances on some headlining like headlining my own shows here but looking back on it i mean there's no regrets i feel like as long as i'm doing whatever i feel like doing in that moment there's no regrets you know yeah but looking back on it i do wish things would have gone maybe a little slower for me just because i was still a feature i wasn't used to headlining shows when i started headlining shows and i feel like a lot of my shows were me still very much learning and getting comfortable with an hour on stage and like i love my netflix special don't get me wrong like i'm like proud of it i want people to watch it but i feel like

after the special came out is when i actually got to like enjoy enjoy headlining on the road and i feel like now i'm in i'm at a much more comfortable level and And now, I mean, I'm pretty sure this happens to a lot of comics, but I feel like this material now, like this is where it's at. Yeah. I don't even want to post. Like, I want to post it. I have certain jokes that I'm like, bro, if I could just post this, people will fuck with it, I bet. But there's a lot of it that I'm like, nah, if I don't post it, I can just keep doing it like on the road and give people a hell of a show. And put it together on your next special.

You're on the road. You're on your path now, man. That's fucking awesome. That's what it's about. How old are you? 27. That's beautiful. That's beautiful.

What a good time. Yeah, I like 27, man. 26 was better, but 27 is all right. Listen, I know it all came fast to you, but you just got to accept that gift. This is just, you know, you came fast to you but you just gotta accept that gift this is just you know you can't you gotta you gotta gift it's a beautiful gift

of being in the right time with the right tools available and having a great set and having a piece of that get out I tried to

hell that was yeah don't inhale this man it'll fuck you up but it's you know it's a gift by the universe and you gotta

you know you gotta ride that gift and it's gonna be it's weirder that universe and you gotta you know you gotta ride that gift and it's gonna be it's weirder that you go from middling all of a sudden you're headlining everywhere but so what you're funny man i felt like a young rocky like you know how rocky one he's like kind of older already right and then i don't know where he gets his shot you know right um i felt like maybe like a younger inexperienced rocky and then i got like a shot yeah you know but that's but the audience knows though too that's the cool thing like they know that you're kind of new to this but they love you and they want to come see you yeah it's been dope man people are so supportive

do you remember that what is that girl's name is it angela johnson the one who has that vietnamese bit she helped me out a lot by the way that girl had the same kind of thing happen to her yeah she was doing a comedy like a few months or something like that. And then her bit went viral on MySpace. Bro, she was middling and selling out clubs. And then people would leave when the headliner would go up. That's got to fucking piss off a headliner. Oh, my God.

Could you imagine the place is packed and you're the headliner, but you know they're all there for the middle act? What a drag, man. But that was real. that was what was going on for a while with her she's telling me about that for a while she was she's so nice she sold out uh she was because she's like doing theaters or whatever she's just isn't she a serious christian yeah yeah she's a serious christian she uh she's doing like theaters or she's doing theaters, and then she did a special. Like 20, what year are we in right now? 23? So like 22 maybe it was. I might be getting this wrong.

You want some coffee? I'm okay, I'm okay. I'll get a little. But she put out this special, and she had been doing theaters. But after she did her special, her last special, she booked a lot of club gigs, she told me. And so she went to San Antonio to the LOL to just book back-to-back gigs to keep running material and shit. And I don't know. I kind of just took like a page from that book.

I was opening her for like eight of those shows. And we did LOL. And San Antonio, I mean, fucking, you know, it's it's like mexico city there so like i have a lot of tickets to sell there man so anytime they wanted to add a show i was like yes add it yes add it like i'm just gonna work out so much shit here but then now that i've done it we did the first weekend the first weekend was 10 shows this next up coming up weekend is the next 10 shows but like six five shows in i was like well hold up this might be a not as productive as i thought it was because every audience is just 99 latino hispanic mexican

and i like fuck i was like i i need i need to work out material in front of everybody it can't just be only my audience it can't just be hispanics like they're gonna fucking they're gonna baby me too much like i'm not gonna grow so i came down here i was like fucking like no offense to my audience i love them like fucking keep coming now i'll fuck with them all day but i also need to get in front of strangers i also need to get in front of different people some asians some indians some white guys like i need to get in front of everybody if if if i truly want to grow at least that's my opinion you know i think that's a good opinion i think that opinion is shared by a lot of people. I think getting in front of as many different audiences

is real important, especially in the early days. Yeah. That's why the road, I think, is so important. If you live in New York City, you kind of think that everybody thinks like people from New York City, and then you go do a gig in Oklahoma, and you're like, oh, okay. I love New York too, though,

because you get a little bit of, like, those diverse strangers. Oh, New York's great. New York's an amazing place to do comedy. It's like comedy gym, like comedy. You ever watch, what is it, Christian Bale's Batman? And he goes up to, like, Nepal to become Batman, to, like, train? Sometimes, man, when I was frustrated, and especially before I got to tour, when I was still just, like, a feature, an opener, you know what I mean?

An open mic. Go crash on my buddy's couch for, like, a month or two in New York and just fucking work or an opener you know what I mean an open mic go crash on my buddy's couch for like a month or two in New York and just fucking work it out you know what I mean no New York has uh always been a great place for talent you know I mean there's always guys like a tell in New York and there's it's always always in New York or it's a New York's a great place it's just not for me man no it's too many fucking people too many people jammed on top of each other i'm just too i don't like that that much i like some quiet i do yeah i feel that i live uh i live out in the country right now oh do you yeah i live out like an hour south of dallas oh that's great uh my dad lives out there he bought land when he was like 20 there like a

little trailer home and he always kept it. He'd move around a lot. You know, he was an unstable guy. He was up and down, whatever. But he always kept that land. And once he became more of like a family man, you know, he's married to my stepmom. I have younger siblings. He like, you know, make sure that they live there he got out of prison like 2019 and he went back to

like painting cars working on cars started saving money started doing like contractor jobs started his own business now he does like pretty big business contract type work a couple other guys have their own business and he like built his dream house oh nice on that land no more trailer home he gave more trailer home. He gave the trailer home to my cousin, and they moved it, like, further back on the next piece of land. So, you know, now he has to, like, start his own little journey with it. Nice.

But he built that house, and it's nice, man. I started building a house on that land as well before my cousin's house so I could, like, outshine my cousin's house. But it's not done. But my house is purely, like, i'm not even looking forward to i'm not even trying too much right now to like actually build the house and be like this i want my kitchen and living room not even worried about it that where i'm the living compartment is on the upstairs i'm worried about the downstairs because that's going to be like my shop i used to paint cars and i want to i want to do that in my free time again what kind of painting like i i was i

was still very much like like artistic painting you mean no like you know paint the cars like right paint them blue paint them red you know just painting cars yeah detailing them afterwards you know uh i always wanted to paint candy but you need a lot of experience a lot of people don't know when you're painting candy you can't just do the quarter panel and then move to the door you gotta do like the whole what do you mean by candy like you know candy paint like real real glittery real pretty oh is that what it's called yeah come on man you're texas now you gotta learn i didn't know it was called can't i didn't know that was what it was called yeah you ever go to a car show and and maybe one car just fucking pops way more has way more flake in it yeah candy paint but it's

tough to paint you gotta you gotta be a skilled like experienced painter because you can't just fucking you know you you always got to be careful how you adjust your gun right you want you don't want your pattern too wide too narrow are you super serious about this shit oh yeah man painting i thought that was my thing really yeah i'd get so discouraged at open mics i'd be like let me stick to painting let me just stick to painting wow but that's fuck yeah it's fucking dope man and my uncle's like in my opinion he's like a grandmaster painter and painted for years he learned so my dad had a body shop when i was a kid very small now back in these days my dad was involved in you know less than legal business so this body shop was a front technically you know what i mean but mean? But, I mean, they got business.

And they got good. And my dad hired this painter named Alfred. I mean, rest in peace. Alfred, fucking badass painter. Crazy old guy. He used to know how to breakdance. This shit was badass. Alfred taught.

My uncle had a paint. My uncle Jose. And my uncle was young. My uncle was kind of like a knucklehead at one point involved in like as a teenager he's involved in like fucking gang shit some drug deals whatever but my uncle had a kid very young and like snapped out of it quick just wanted to be like a respectable man just do the right thing you know what i mean right and he's still that guy to this day my uncle's been working the body shop since he was like, I might be getting the age wrong, but he's like 20.

Right now he's in his like late 30s, mid 30s. And he's still he's still like the guy who goes into the shop at 8 a.m. We'll stay there till fucking midnight if he has to. But he puts food on the table. You know what I'm saying? Right. But he learned from this dude, Alfred. Fucking badass knowledge on painting.

My uncle would teach it to me when i was a teenager my dad also had a car wash i would go work in the summer sometimes and i and i'd get so mad at the car wash like i hated it i'm like bro anybody can just fucking rinse the car off put the soap like it was next door like across the street from the body shop so after work we would go hang out at the body shop with everybody i would tell my uncle because i don't know if my dad was gonna take me serious or not i'd be like can you teach me how to paint i was like i don't want to work over there i was like don't even pay me if you don't want just teach me how to paint have me over here like i want to sand the cars i want to fucking do real shit you know yeah so he'd teach me every now and then as

i got older i'd spend a couple weekends over there at the body shop with my uncle whatever um after high school while my dad was already locked up or whatever my uncle i guess to like check on me make sure i wasn't like getting sad or some shit which he would just call me kind of would give me a choice he'd be like hey i need help like come help me out with her all right and you know i started getting good i went to paint school for a while to get like certified those guys hooked me up with a job like at a better shop my uncle i would also cut hair so my uncle would always be like man just be a barber like you don't want to be in a fucking shop sweating your ass off breaking your back like do something where you're going to be in the ac you know i mean like work smarter not harder but i was i eventually did that but at the time i'm like

i want to fucking learn this you know know? Yeah. Let me do this. So I went and worked at a body shop, and I worked at one where this painter. Man, I hate not to talk down another man, but that guy wasn't worth the fuck. He was a cool painter, but he didn't care. So I was the paint prepper. What do you mean he didn't care? Like, he wasn't in there to do good work. He was in there to just get his paycheck and he

wasn't even like there a lot of the time man uh you know like there's a lot of preparation that goes in a painting car a lot of sanding so you gotta fucking sand and sand and sand and make sure you sand this and then you got to clean it this way and make sure there's no like type of chemicals in the air like you can't keep like the like armor all or anything they use for detail card you can't have that in the same room you're painting in you get a chemical reaction and your paint job will look like shit really yeah it's like just in the air yeah there's tons of little details mechanic work and paint work cannot be in the same room really yeah you just can't you can't have it you know what i? So Armor All just being in the room will fuck up your paint?

Yeah, bro. If you like, let's say you like sprayed some Armor On some shit or you wiped the car down and you weren't supposed to, which is anything that was like cleaning product, you have to be careful what exactly you're using. So you're saying if the Armor All contacted the paint physically? Nah, like even if it's just kind of like. In the air? Yeah. I mean, at least that's how kind of like. In the air. Yeah. I mean, at least that's how careful we were.

What is that doing to you then? What do you mean? Oh, all the paint stuff? Oh, it's killing you. Armourall. It's got to be killing you. I mean, the paint is worse than the Armourall. We're like breathing in like primer.

We're breathing in like Bondo dust. We're breathing in so much stuff. Is there a lot of people that have like lung problems that are painters? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even if you don't like get the lung cancer right let's say you live a full life as a painter they've done autopsies on painters their lungs are like different colors oh jesus christ really yeah but i mean i'd rather have in different colors than just you know nasty pink or whatever what if you wear one of those fauci masks they they help no like definitely wear your mask, wear your gloves.

They help. But the shit is there. You know what I mean? You're getting it in even through those crazy masks? Yeah, for sure. You know, there's no way. And then there's different masks. There's masks that will help you block the dust from, like, primer or, like, from the body filler.

But those masks aren't going to help you when it comes to paint and, like, vice versa. Oh, so you got to swap masks when you're sanding versus when you're painting. Yeah. So I started getting pretty good as a painter, especially when I went to work at a shop where my uncle's not like babysitting me anymore. Now I'm like learning on my own. And when I say on my own, I mean like the reason I say that one painter wasn't worth the damn was because when you first work at a shop and you're

trying to be a painter you got to be up like a print a paint prepper or like a painter's apprentice for like a few years so it's my job to like prepare the car like every step of the way up until it's in the booth taped up ready to get painted that's when the painter would just show up i don't know he's probably just been kicking it at the house all day he'll show up mix the paint paint it spray it clear it and he'd go home so i've been prepping these cars for like days on end i'm staying extra you know every now and then if it was a smaller piece like a bumper or just like a like a small piece of the car they just leave it up to me they're like will you go ahead and knock it out so i started getting good there was a guy there man i forget his name super cool ass fucking guy who was just kind of like a shop hand like he he didn't really work on cars but if you needed help you know sometimes you need help

moving a fucking hood or a door like right just random shit he was there and he had a buick like a like it was his grandpa's buick, like a 99, just regular Buick. And he was like, man, I want you to paint it. I want you to paint it. So I painted like half the car because only the front end needed it. That was like my only like big paint job. I started getting good. But that's when I really jumped more into comedy.

So I just kind of quit and I did whatever I had to do to make sure comedy worked out. And I went back to like cutting hair because it allowed me more time to jump to open mics quicker, you know What was it? How'd you get on stage? And what was like the motivation like did your friends talk you into it? Is it something you always wanted to do? I always wanted to do it. You were always a fan of comedy Yeah, well like I wanted to be a comedic actor. Oh like movies and shit movies sketches snl some shit like that i loved like chapelle show i loved anything with adam sandler i loved anything with just funny movies and i was even though i'm very mellow on stage i'm i'm you know i'm writing jokes and i make sure i say them right before that i was like a goofy kid and i think if i

once i'm comfortable people i'm still like the goofy guy i'm doing impressions i'm doing fucking voices i'm i'm allowed to do it once i get super comfortable but i have to get comfortable you know what i mean and so then where was your first open mic uh at hyenas hyenas in dallas on a wednesday night i signed up at 5 p.m went up at 1 30 a.m wow yeah. Yeah, I got yelled at. There was one comic that was up after me, and he was there. Or maybe two comics. There was two guys in there.

But I know for sure one of those guys was after me. And I was, like, second to last or third to last. And the dude was like, get the fuck out of here already. He was, like, drunk. He was just mad. Oh, my God. I had three minutes. I did one and a half.

Because once he yelled at me, I was like, all right, that's my time. Oh, my God. But that's the shit that we were talking about earlier. Is that, like, I saw how hard I bombed. And it was fucking devastating to get yelled at at 1.30 a.m. And just me and three, four people in the room that aren't even audience, just other open micers. And leaving, walking through the parking lot, I'm like, this isn't for me. This isn't for me.

I just stick to my job. Like, okay, you know? But the next day when I'm fucking sanding a car for three hours straight, the whole time in my head, I'm just like thinking of, well, if I would have said it different. Or if I would have said this instead. Or what if I tried this on stage? Like, my mind was always there, you know? So I'd go back. But then I'd get discouraged again.

Older dudes would scare me. Bro, I'm a very introverted person. I've been breaking out of my shell more and more. You know, you kind of have to in the comedy world. But I was so introverted. Sometimes I'll tell people that. They're like, no, you're not. And it's like, all right, I'm not, whatever.

But I am. Like, to talk to people would feel like a tremendous fucking stress and fear. Like, I'd freak out. Even to this day, if I'm walking through the mall and somebody who might be a fan or something is walking up to me and i see them walking and the whole time in my head i'm just like oh shit oh shit and then they're like what's up man big fan and i'm like oh okay all right hey what's up bro thanks man but as soon as it's over i'm like fucking thank god like but yeah man so i don't know so that's why i never really stuck to painting. Comedy took over. So when did you start pursuing it full time? How many years in were you?

So when I'm like 19, 18, I'm doing it once every few months. But once I was 20, I just every night didn't stop going. You know what I mean? Like just fuck it, like full blast. Yeah. Because I think that's when I finally got like a laugh do you remember the joke yeah it wasn't even a joke it was like just a reaction to a dude in the crowd man and that was like my first hard lesson in comedy i went up at a place called backdoor comedy where you have to be clean which shout out to them i feel like that's

the place that really made me love comedy because you you can't even talk about like the restroom so i feel like that forced me to really write you know get creative right right i'm not a clean taking the easier way out yeah yeah and i wouldn't say i'm necessarily a clean comic now i feel like i feel like there's no set style i want to have like if there's a joke that's dirty or cuss words fuck fuck it. You know what I mean? Yeah. If it's funny, it's funny. But that room, I was so nervous. I was like, I got to be clean. And it took place. The mic, the show, the little tiny, it's not even a club. It's just a room that used to be located inside the Hilton Doubletree.

And the audience that would show up for this, they'd get a real audience for the mic. But it was kind of like classier, uppity folk, a lot of white people with money, money which intimidated the fuck out of me i was never used to leaving my own little circle and as i'm walking up to the stage there was this dude this is like older white guy in a button down he had his arms crossed and that guy just scared the shit out of me he there was i had a neighbor who every time i walked by his house if he happened to see me or just kids he'd stare really hard like i'm pretty sure he's a little racist you know he just stared like making sure we didn't take nothing from his yard he just stared he didn't care if you saw him he had a glass door he would stand behind the glass door just like fucking staring hard and he looked like that guy to me so as i walked up i just i

just looked at that guy i didn't think about my jokes i didn't think about nothing i was like man this dude looks like he caught the cops on me already. And the audience laughed. And the first lesson was like, just fucking, you know, say what you're going to say. Be vulnerable. Be honest. And that was like my first little lesson. Like, it worked, you know.

So then you started feeling it. Yeah. After I got that laugh, it wasn't even like a huge laugh where they're going to clap. But it was a laugh. But, you know, that first time you get a laugh, it feels like you just destroyed the room like yeah and after after that i'd get a little better i was able to deliver for a minute and then i was able to deliver for two and my they'd give you three minutes at that mic so then two minutes would go good and then three and then then i'd have like a killer three linda stagner the owner of that place started letting

me host the weekends with just three minutes but there's like it's like a showcase style room and there's tons of comics the show would go on for like two hours and it's just so many comics and you know just i just i i take it i host for three minutes and then i the the next fucking two hours just you know i do my three minutes set and then the next two hours just host you know remember people's credits whatever right but yeah i loved it man i also just love going to different clubs i feel like dallas was too small of a scene for people to click up but they did they'd be like nah it's a hyenas comic or that's a dallas comedy club comic and there was yeah there were and then you know dallas comedy club was maybe where you'd go if you were a little more like on the woke side not necessarily

too woke but you know you were a little cleaner a little friend woke side, not necessarily too woke, but you know, you were a little cleaner, a little friendlier. Hyenas was where you'd go. If you just wanted to say some shit, get a little more raunchy. Backdoor was definitely like where I feel like a lot of good fucking like comics would go on the weekend. Sometimes people would just pop in cause they'd happen to have some extra time on the weekend. Um, but I'd like to go into all of them, man,

because all of them, you had shit to learn. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's good to get a variety in. It's so silly to think of yourself as a I'm-a-this-club comic. Because we kind of used to do that with the comedy store. But even then, it's like you still did different spots. Even at the comedy store, I've seen, I mean, I've never lived in L.A.,

but I've been in there tons of times just to watch and shit, you know? Even there, you get a variety of comics who have different styles. That's what I fucking love. There's this Bruce Lee movie. I don't remember the movie, but I saved the video. I have like screen recorded on my phone. And sometimes I'll watch it on the plane. When it's airplane mode, I have the video where he's talking to like, you know, like

a grandmaster type dude. And he's questioning Bruce Lee. And that fucking, that one quote, I feel like just applies so much to not only comedy but everything he's he asked bruce lee he's like what is the highest technique you hope to achieve and bruce lee's like to have no technique i was like bro that's fucking it right there like that's that's that's the thing you know what i I mean? Yeah. Like, I get it. A clean comic is a clean comic, and they're funny, whatever, right? Some people only want clean comedy, and a dirty comic is funny as fuck. Some people only want that.

But to be able to do everything, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, to not subject yourself to one style of comedy, like, that's fucking hilarious. Yeah. That's the beauty of having to do, like, a clean set set for television is that you do have to work on it. And sometimes when you're working on stuff like that, it's a good exercise in being locked into a rigid structure where you can't talk about blowjobs. You can't talk about anything crazy. You have like a FCC set of rules or whatever it is.

Anything crazy. You have like a FCC set of rules or whatever it is. When you do that, it forces you to think of alternative ways for things to be funny other than going to like a cheap laugh. Yeah. You know, sometimes cheap laughs are the funniest, though. That's the problem. Like Joey Diaz. Like he's got great punchlines but great timing. But it's also he will go for it wherever it is.

He doesn't give a, it's just like, what is the funniest fucking thing to say right now? I'm going for that. Yeah. Like, there's no thought of, like, Joey would never do a clean TV set. Yeah. It would be hell.

Like, you can't do that to Joey. Like, Joey's got to be wild. And, like, for him to be locked into a TV set, that isn't, that's not the way for him but also for him he's the funniest i've never seen anybody funnier in my life in all the people i've seen murder all the chapelle and chris rock and shane gillis and fuck all the murderers joey diaz in the original room at like 11 30 p.mpm on a fucking Wednesday night or something like that has made me laugh harder than anybody

anybody I mean there was like 6-7 comics in the back room at one point he was doing this bit about Terry Crews about that agent who grabbed Terry Crews' dick and Terry Crews was shaking his big dick in his underwear in those commercials

that he did. This guy was going crazy. Bro, we were falling on the ground laughing. We couldn't breathe. He hits RPMs. You know, like a lot of people redline at like 7,000, 8,000. It's really funny. It's great.

But Joey gets to like 9. And you're like, holy shit, man. I've never got to see him live, but I want to. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He still has it. He came to the mothership. Yeah, yeah.

He only did one show. I love people like that, too, that are funny as fuck onstage and offstage. Well, that was the thing about Joey. It's like when I brought him on the road, I brought him on the road for two reasons. One, because I love him. And two, because he's really funny and it challenges me like I was going on after him but also he's funny all the time like he's funny when you're at dinner he's funny in the green room we're just it's a party Joey brings the

party so when we would all go on the road together it was just fun it was family yeah together you know Vin Diesel would say but it was just fun it was family together you know like fucking Vin Diesel would say but it was like that it was like we're we're good friends so we're just having a great time you know me and Ari and Duncan and Joey and we're in these different fucking towns but it's always us so we're always laughing you know we're in the fucking hotel lobby just sitting on the couches laughing at two o'clock in the morning, just cracking jokes and laughing, just hanging out. That's what I like about, I guess, traveling with my buddies from home. I do feel bad sometimes.

I'm like, man, I should give somebody else a chance, like a local. I know sometimes they want to hop on the show. And for the most part, I give guest spots like crazy if people ask. I go five, six cities in a row where, like, maybe nobody's really fucking with me in that city or nobody's really trying to ask for a guest spot. Or maybe they ask the club. I don't know if the club's selling this or not. But if you ask me, like, you're there.

Yeah. I don't even have to watch your set, bro. Like, if you're a comic who's taking the chance of— Oh, you should have never said that. I should have never said that. I'm going to get bugged like crazy. Oh, my God. You're going to get annoyed by people that shouldn't be on stage.

I also just stopped, you know, checking social media, so— That's a good luck finding you. But, yeah. But for the most part, man, when there's people that are they're like well it's also the way they ask man i don't like some people be like what's up bro let me hop on what the fuck i'm like bro who the fuck are you like don't be talking to me like that i don't know you you ain't boys like that but they're for the most part like there'll be comics that are like hey man like any chance i could do some time on your show big fan whatever or like you know if you have room, if not, fuck it.

I'll be like, yeah, bro, cop on. You know what I mean? I might not be able to give you, like, a full seven, maybe do a five or something. It depends who else is with me. But, yeah, bro, I'm down. Or even if I run into people that I already have met before or I feel like they're working at it, they're pretty funny. Like, I'll offer them some stage time. Even if the guys who are already with me have to do less time, they're pretty about like fuck it they're not greedy you know i mean sometimes like the main two guys that have been with me my buddy jesus castillo and luis juarez they're comics out of dallas when

i was early on they were already kind of on and popping within texas so they'd take me to like open up in san antonio or abilene or houston you know if they get a one night here or there so those dudes were on the road with me now and sometimes they might tell me like hey bro like is there any chance i could do a longer set like i haven't really got a long set in a while and you know i want to fucking feel it because maybe they got a headline gig coming up and they've only been doing 10 15 for the last month or two like right so yeah sometimes then i'll be like all right well fuck it you know let me close this show out it's only you two each does 20 if you want to go over

fuck it this crowd's gonna have fun either way right um but yeah if i if i can man like i'm i'm down to share the stage bro like that's great that's great look it's in best case scenario it's all i mean i met a lot of great friends doing the road where i'd never seen him before tom segura i did a show with him in phoenix never saw him before and uh he went up he went up first and he was hilarious and i said hey man where are you working out of when we start talking i said i want to take you on the road and he was like like he didn't believe it then i called him up the next week i'm like come on man let's go let's go have some fun and um we were like best friends now i love that dude to death he's out here too yeah i moved out here first he was one of the first yeah hinchcliffe

was for well ron white was here before all of us ron white had told me about he had already moved before the pandemic oh shit i fucking love austin austin's a shit he goes i gotta travel do all my gigs it's the middle of the country yeah i was like man i don't know if i could live in austin that's what i was thinking back then like you know i'm in l.a like my podcast is there the store is there jujitsu's there i don't know if i could leave yet but then the pandemic hit and i was like what i gotta get the fuck out of here and ron was already here and so when we first came down you know ron had told me like where to go what's the cool spots and i'd been here a few times before doing stand-up over the years you know never really spent like a lot of time here

but then when i decided to move i was telling everybody i was like fuck that place man like i'm thinking about opening a club. And I first started, I got this place that was run by a cult. The first building I got was this building called the One World Theater. And it's a theater that there's a- That's such a cult-ass name, too. Such a cult-ass name. But I think they named it that after the cult left.

One of the guys that was in the cult actually still owned it. So what had happened was this dude ran a cult in West Hollywood. And he's this really beautiful, handsome yoga guy. And he was a hypnotist and a gay porn star. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, yeah. So this dude runs this cult in West Hollywood. And then Waco pops off.

And the Cult Awareness Network is like they're like now Investigating cults and there's a bunch of family members that have been complaining about this cult So this dude in the middle of night fucking Jets and takes off across the country and moves to Austin Has all the in changes his name and has all the cult members eventually come out here And he wants them to build a theater so that he can dance in front of them oh, that's the place I bought yeah And I bought it because Ron what Ron was he by that place on by the cult. It's the shit I didn't stand up there once it's fucking beautiful

So you know Ron likes the man so he tells me I should buy that place my that probably the perfect spot and so We were in the middle of this whole thing, but it all fell apart. There were some issues that had to be dealt with that weren't dealt. I don't even know if I'm allowed to talk about them, so I won't. But the point is, that was the original spot, and that fell apart. And then it was like a long time to try to find another spot. And then Ron White was like, and then grabbed me after I did that set with him at the Vulcan. He's like, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're doing this.

I was like, okay, let's go. Do you ever wonder if Ron White isn't really just a figment of your imagination? He's your conscience? No, Ron White isn't. That's a real dude. That's a real dude. I love that guy to death. He's our elder statesman of stand-up.

Everybody loves Ron White. There's no Ron White our like elder statesman of stand-up, you know, everybody loves Ron White like oh There's no Ron White haters out there. Ron White is amazing. He's just a beautiful person, too He's just everything but he's just great every time I see him. I can't wait to hug him He's great and he's at the club all he'll probably there tonight if he's in town. He's there all the time He does weekends here sometimes does you know headlines on weeknights sometimes you know and that's what made him decide to go back on the road again which is exciting because i've never i've never seen him better he's as good as he's ever been he's a straight up killer if you could watch one last set like this was your last set before you just disappeared of anybody of anybody alive

like it probably joey jo Joey I was about to ask you Joey or Ron either one boy a show with Joey and Ron would be the perfect way to get out of this world see that

yeah that's cool man that's a cool that's a cool thing to know well Joey I love him so much you know it's not just that

I think he's the funniest guy ever it's just I love that dude so much I'd probably go out watching an open mic. You know what I mean? Go out the way you came in. Go out, watch this little bomb. I feel like this is horrible.

Goodbye. I can't watch open mics bomb. Nah? I can't. I got to get out of the room. I feel like it's contagious. Like when I would go on the road and I'd have a terrible opening act, it's always, always in Florida. Florida.

Bro, they would throw people up. They'd been doing stand-up for five minutes. They'd never done stand-up before. It's like these people were terrible. So many of these clubs, they were so bad. And I would be in the green room, and I'd peek my head out, and I'd watch this dude just eat shit. I'd be like, oh, my God, I got to get in my own head.

I can't pay attention to that. Because I would try to pay attention to make sure that they're not talking about stuff that I talk about. I don't want to cover the same ground so i'd like listen to the opening act to try to figure out like oh he talked about that movie i can't talk about that movie yeah let me adjust my set but they were so bad i had to hide yeah i'm like i just gotta be in this fucking room by myself i gotta listen to music or something i can't do this man i think it's contagious like you start thinking nothing's funny there's nothing funny in the world nothing's funny this guy's not

funny i feel that but if someone's funny then you feel like oh good i'm loose now they're they're laughing i'm laughing everyone's having a good time i also try not to listen too much to other comics before i start trying to write in their voice or something like that you know what I mean well that was a real problem in the come up right when people on the way up a lot of people in New York sound exactly like Dave Attell you know there was a lot of this there's a lot of punch lines just kind of like Dave and it's just because his rhythm is so funny it's so in fact he's so he's such a virtuoso that when he's on stage it's so smooth and it just it goes into this he's got this flow to him that's so contagious and so you want to be funny too you're like maybe i need to talk like that i need to talk like dave there's a lot

of guys who get caught up in other people's i did it for a while. I caught myself on stage once when I was an open mic-er. I sounded exactly like Richard Jenny. I was a giant Richard Jenny fan. And I sounded like, I was doing like his timing. Like his, it was like, I was like, oh no. But I realized it while I was doing it. I was like, yuck. Don't do that.

I feel like a lot of the comedians i'd see in new york would talk very fast and then i kind of tried to do that but and i and i tried to do that when i first started doing stand-up too i'd be so nervous i'm just trying to get it out already yeah but i can't talk that fast and some people will get mad those are some of the like that's some of the feedback i've gotten back on stand-up it's like ah it's just too slow for me but i can't talk that fast because i won't be able to enunciate and i think it's because my tongue is like kind of big like i got like this white ass tongue so this guy hey i bet you if he sees he's gonna he's gonna freak out he loves like the credit there's a guy named guy named Bobby Goldsmith in Dallas who would go to the back door, open mic a lot.

And one time he told me, he was like, hey, man, you're funny. You have good material. He's like, but the audience doesn't know it because you're talking too fast. And you don't enunciate. He's like, slow down. He's like, talk slow. He's like, talk slow. And so I just, let's just fuck it.

I put the nerves to the side Yeah, I just said the jokes as if I was reading them off a paper I started getting more laughs and I was just like man like now I'm kind of finding my timing with it But like I'll never be able to talk super fast. You won't fucking understand. Yeah, some dudes mumble And then when they get on stage they mumble Like Ari used to mumble And it was hard to understand I go dude I don't know what the fuck you're saying

And I'm your friend I go you gotta clean those words up Yeah Make those words real clear These people don't know you Yeah Like you're a professional orator Stop mumbling

I feel like I'm still learning How to hold the mic Sometimes I'm like 30 minutes into a set and i just angle it up a bit i'm like that sounds better or you switch hands i used to only have to hold it in my right hand now it seems like i don't want to use my right hand anymore i want to hold it with my left and i switch back and forth for like years i'll switch sometimes but yeah i can't i i have to hold it in my left that's the other thing about joey he's the funniest guy ever that just leaves the mic in the stand

oh man never takes the mic out of that stand people always like hype up the chair like don't get me wrong ali sadiq that's one of my all-time favorite comics i think that was fucking hilarious right but people hype up the chair like oh so tough to sit in the chair like you gotta figure it out like not just anybody can sit in the chair. It's only Cosby and Ali that can figure that out. But I think funny is funny. When you're listening to a comedy album, you're not like, oh, yeah, he's in the chair.

I can tell you. Brian Simpson sits in that chair all the time and murders. Right. But that is one fucking thing that I feel like I just can't do is leave the mic in the stand. I've tried that. I fucking bomb. I don't know what it is.'t do is leave the mic in the stand i've tried that i fucking bomb i don't know what it is i can't i can't leave the mic in the stand joey uses both hands he's got both hands going on you know so he likes that fucking mic in the stand cocksucker

some people got my buddy hyman i grew up with this my childhood best friend goofiest fucking guy i've ever met to me this is like the funniest dude alive just some goofy nerd like not to talk too much shit on my buddy hang up but just goofy in the face like just uh we took a i took him with me when i did bobby lee's podcast and bobby lee was instantly like who the fuck's this guy and just fell in love with him instantly like started fucking with him and shit so i i know that he's always wanted to do stand-up he's he's a comedy nerd he's the one that really taught me how to love comedy. We'd watch movies, shows, and he'd be laughing his ass off at shit that most people don't realize that that's an intentional joke. Like in a show, right?

We had a falling out. And when things started popping off for me with comedy, we still weren't talking. But then we started talking again, whatever. He's a photographer, videographer back home for like nightclubs very much in like the bar scene so i tell him like hey man like come on the road with us just take pictures record my set so i keep getting clips like you know if you want to you'd be like yeah fuck it he'd come every now and then then he started coming just every weekend and i would be like go do five minutes like Like, fuck it. Just do three minutes. Do three minutes.

Whatever. Like, tell a story. You know, tell them what we did last night when we were now in Chicago or something. And, man, it would just fucking go well. I'm not even trying to hype this dude up too much, but I've never seen somebody go up on their first time and get that many laughs. Not saying he had a fucking, like, he just destroyed the room. But to get half that heavy on their first time, I like bro you know there's something there like you're a true fucking comedy fan you're like a comic at heart like just keep fucking trying it i was like

i'll keep throwing you up on stage that's beautiful but you know i also told him like is he still doing it yeah he's been doing it a few months now but i tell him like you got to hit mics though when we're at home like i'm not just gonna fucking right throw you on stage so you can get babied by my crowds because you know i mean that's kind of he's got even more of a lucky like, you got to hit mics when we're at home. Like, I'm not just going to fucking throw you on stage so you can get babied by my crowds. Because, you know what I mean? That's kind of, he's got even more of a lucky break than you got. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Because you're throwing him up in front of packed houses. Yeah. Yeah. But he'll go up there and won't take the mic out of the stand sometimes. And I get so jealous. I'm like, you're fucking, you're doing good this early on. And you're not taking the fucking mic out?

Like, oh, man. That's hilarious. And he was up there like, he looks so cool he looked like fucking norm mcdonald with his body she's like well he's a comedy fan you know so if you're a comedy fan you're watching like uh do you know eleanor kerrigan no she's hilarious she opens up for dice clay all the time okay she was a waitress at the comedy store forever forever we always knew her as a waitress and then uh she was a pro wrestler for a while she did like pro wrestling we all went to see her she was at the forum she was a easy rider that was her wrestling name yeah yeah bro she was like a motorcycle lady

she would fucking crush a pool ball in her hand and the fucking intro video was hilarious she's really funny but anyway and then she started doing stand up and we were like oh you were always a comic you just never did it and she's great she headlines now but we knew her for like 10 years as just the cool waitress she was just our friend

our friend the cool waitress but she was always like a good judge of talent you know someone come in from out of town she was like the first person I'd go to some people know man how was that guy she's pretty good he's good he's real But she was always like a good judge of talent. You know, someone would come in from out of town. She was like the first person I'd go to. Yeah. Some people know, man. Some people can understand. How was that guy? She's like, pretty good.

He's good. He's real. I don't even think I have like that eye. Like to be able to see somebody early on and be like, nah, I think they got something. Or maybe later on. But don't you, if they make you laugh, if they make you laugh, they got something. You know, they go, ah. You're like, okay, you got something.

You got something. Yeah. But sometimes, man, I don't know. You ever do that thing where you're watching a comic and even though they say something hilarious sometimes you don't laugh you're just fucking thinking about what they said like dissecting it oh yeah but then there's people who do just make me laugh and i'm like holy fuck i couldn't even think about it like i didn't have time to think about it it just made me laugh yeah there's some guy like when hicks came along you know Hicks came along now and all of a sudden everybody wanted to say something It was so interesting because before that like even Richard Jenny

He said I remember he was talking about watching Hicks. He goes every time I watch Hicks with I keep thinking Bobby should be doing more like that Something I should really say something because he would just say shit. This is you got to realize Hicks is before the internet Okay, this is Hicks was huge in like 88 to when did he die? I think he died in like 93 When did Hicks die? And he was actually

95 because I think I'd already made my way. 94? Right. So I'd already made my way to California when I heard that he died. You be careful with this thing. I feel like I'm going to. No, flip the top. Push the top up. This thing? Yeah.

Push that over. There you go. Now hit that thing. There you go. Technology. It's crafty. Shout out to Calibri. But Hicks was, so this was like, there no podcast back then there was no audiobooks so when Hicks was talking about shit he was he had like a different base of knowledge that he

was working from than most comics he was like really well read he would quote Noam Chomsky you know he would he he had material that was like who's that Noam Chomsky. You know, he had material that was like... Who's that, Noam Chomsky? He's a linguist who is a very famous public intellectual who used to have, like, debates with people on television. He's, like, one of the most measured and interesting people from, like, the 1960s and the 1970s on foreign policy and all kinds of interesting interesting things but the point

is like hicks had this he knew more about more things than other comics did and when he talked about things when he talked about like the scams of war and you know and what the fuck is going on in society it was like wow, this guy's super insightful. And then everybody wanted to be so insightful too. So it was a bunch of Hicks clones. So there was the punchline in Atlanta. There was a green room, and a bunch of people signed the walls in the green room and shit.

You know how those are. And then this one thing just said, quit trying to be Hicks. And I was like, oh. And when Jamie moved the club he said he was gonna save that for me I don't remember what happened with that I'm like that would be a beautiful piece of ancient comedy history yeah you gotta be you yeah but that was there was a lot of Hicksy clones a lot of guys who wanted everybody to think they were really smart but But Hicks was really smart. He wasn't trying to get people to think he was really smart. He was really smart.

And he just had thoughts that he wanted to get out. And there was no podcast back then. So all his thoughts, all his ideas and philosophy, he had to get out in comedy. So it was deeper than other comedians. It was very interesting. And some comics think it wasn't as funny as other comics. Like, okay.

Yeah, he's not as funny as Kennison, but he had some fascinating points that made you think. And you left the show and you're like, you were more, you were stimulated in different ways. It was interesting and it was funny. It was very interesting, though.

That's what we were talking about about earlier that's a dope part about comedy and watching different people's style if you're like sure a true comedy fan but you can appreciate different forms of funny yeah i love all kinds of funny i love like jim gaffigan funny i love nate bargazzi both of those guys are squeaky clean brian regan's hilarious squeaky clean you can take your grandma to see Brian Regan. You never have to worry about nothing. And hilarious. And then murder.

I would. I try not to watch too much stand-up. I feel like all I'm doing is stand-up. I love it. I'm obsessed with it. But sometimes you still need other shit. Yeah. Right?

But I could sit down for hours on YouTube, watch the same videos over and over again. Like the two comics that I feel like, even if I never got to see anybody else perform, but if I just, these two comics alone, Dave Chappelle and Mitch Hedberg. Oh yeah. Those two are like,

that's it. That's it for me. Well, they both move at a slower pace too, which like fits your style, you know? I could me. Well, they both move at a slower pace, too, which fits your style. You know? Okay, see that. And Mitch Hagberg, he was so good at non-sequiturs.

You have one non-sequitur into another non-sequitur. In my opinion, that's like the purest form of joke telling. Yeah. There's just... All jokes. The only information in what he's saying is for the joke. Yes. Like there's no right there's

nothing to even learn from it nothing just jokes just pure for the sake of the laugh yeah yeah i feel like right now in the setup i'm doing right now on the road my first 10 minutes are like that and then the rest is me just kind of i don't know i'm still working out the rest but some of it could could i could i could talk about some shit that some people take serious but even on the shit that that like if i talk about a issue it's never like a let me like it's never like a smart thing because i i mean i'm still learning a lot of shit so i feel like my comedy is very much just me being like yo i don't know what the fuck this is about, but here's what I think. Like, I don't know. Right.

Like, Latino Republicans look weird. Yeah. That's just what I think. It just looks weird, man. What the fuck? You're allowed to have those opinions, man. Right. They need to relax.

Cubans are feisty people, though. People message me sometimes like, you have a platform. You got to be careful. You got to use the platform for good. Oh, no, you don't. No, I don't. My platform's for joking. Yeah, shut up. Don't tell me how gotta use the platform for good oh no you don't no I don't my platform's for joking

yeah shut up don't tell me how to use my platform yeah you'll get a platform go talk to a politician I don't know exactly you can't tell someone

what they have to use their platform for shut your mouth people are crazy yeah that's not your job also like I'm not even saying the shit I'm saying

is like right or wrong I could be fucking up we'll see you're trying to be funny yeah that's it in the years to come we'll see the mistakes I'm making but I'm letting is like right or wrong. I could be fucking up. We'll see. You're trying to be funny. Yeah. That's it. In the years to come, we'll see the mistakes I'm making. But I'm letting you know right now.

I'm definitely making some mistakes out here. Yeah. Get off my back. Bro, we're still making mistakes. Every time I have a new bit, I'm making mistakes. Yeah. Every time I'm working on a new bit, it's like, where is this thing going? Got to try it a bunch of different ways.

In some ways, you're like, yikes. Yeah. I can't do it that way. That's fucking, it sounds terrible. Back up. Don't say it that way. I like you. That's your waiting ring?

Yeah, it's silicone. You're one of those dudes. You wear jewelry at all or nah? I'll wear, I have a real ring. Anytime I see a dude with like those rings, I'm like, that guy knows how to fight. That guy knows jujitsu or something, you know? I'm like, that guy knows how to fight. That guy knows jujitsu or something, you know?

Have you ever seen what happens when you get your finger caught in your ring doing something like jujitsu? Uh-uh. It's called sheathing. It's a horrible injury. Sheathing? Sheathing, where it takes the skin off of the meat of the bone. So the meat and the skin pull up, and the wedding ring digs right down into the bone and tears everything apart. Oh, shit, bro.

See that? That's what happens with wedding ring injuries. What is that white? Is that like a string? It's the ligament. Oh, it's the ligament? Yeah. Oh, I thought they tied it up.

That shit is gone, son. And there's a bunch... I know a dude who had that happen. It was a wedding ring. He was doing jujitsu. He had his wedding ring on. Shouldn't have got married. Should have just done... Should have just done... Stupid-ass a wedding ring he was doing jujitsu he has wedding ring on shouldn't have got married should have just done stupid ass ring should have just done jujitsu mine is uh silicone but i have a regular one too but this is like if i do i could lift weights with

this do you wear the regular one when you go out like yeah or something like that rolex nice ring i like i don't know i bought this little. I always wanted like a little gold chain. That's a nice size gold chain. It's pretty. It looks good. I think it's flexy enough. Yeah. It's got a little cage.

You know what I mean? I am going to buy a big one eventually. Like a wrapper, like just fucking huge. Big fat one. Yeah. And I will wear it to like a club one night and just let the ego come out a bit. I feel like I try my best not to. Let the ego come out? Yeah. What's the ego? You know, like the ego come out a bit. I feel like I try my best not to. Let the ego come out?

Yeah. What's the ego? You know, like the ego, like your ego. I don't know. I guess it depends. Yeah, sometimes. Show your feathers. I want to show my feathers.

I get it. I've never been like a nightclub guy, like to go out. I used to go with my buddy when we were younger and he started doing the videography and shit. But there was a comedy club down the street from like the club scene in dallas so whenever the shows would be done whatever i'd walk down the street just dressed like just left walmart or some shit and i'd just help my buddy carry like camera equipment or just hang out with him have a beer and i'd see guys just flexing hard you, local dope dealers or guys that work nine to fives, but they're in there just trying to show out, you know. And it's crazy.

It's crazy that that's the place to, like, fucking prove yourself. And everybody wanted to be in there, man. Like, that club culture was fucking nuts to me. I'd stand outside with this guy named Jojo. He's a door guy. He looks like a Buddha, huge. He's Mexican, but his eyes, they can't even open anymore. They gave him a hoodie with a Buddha on it, and it said, Jojo, staff. And there'd be guys just trying to come in, like, what's up, bro?

I'll give you a hundred bucks. You let us in. And they'd be like, all right, well, you guys get in. And then sometimes they'd leave a guy behind. I remember there was a guy, every hour, there was one guy, at least for every hour hour that they'd be like, well, not you because last week you were in here starting shit. And they'd be like, come on, man. Come on, man. Let me in. And his boys would leave him behind.

I'm like, first of all, why do you hang out with these people? They just left you. Literally out in the cold. You could see our breath. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing, bro? Go to another club. Go find new friends. That's crazy. And they sit there like, come on, man. Come on, man. It's like doing, bro? Go to another club. Go find new friends. That's crazy.

And they sit there. Come on, man. Come on, man. It's crazy that they want to be in there. And then when they're in there, it's all about the guy who has the section, the piece of floor that's elevated six inches higher than the rest of it on the couch. Oh, like bottle service. Bottle service. The guy who has the bottle.

The guy's showing up. People start throwing money in there. And I was in there like a nobody just watching. Like, I just watched. I'm like, what the fuck? What is it? And then one day, I started getting to tour like, wait, is my shit still there? Yeah, you got it.

We started getting to tour of October 2022, right? I didn't go out and do nothing like that. If I would go, I'd go to dive bars. I started going to bars in New York with with my buddies out there just fucking dive bars i fell in love with that shit drinking in some place some shitty place until 4 a.m it was fun but on new year's was my first show back home and it was my first time settling out back home and just i was like i'm gonna get it out i'm gonna do that what i saw them do and how they used to shit on me. I'm going to do that tonight on New Year's night. I'm going to go to a club with my friends.

I'm going to get a bottle, and I'm going to just go all out. See what it feels like. It was fucking awesome for like an hour. And then people start trying to test you. And I'm like, nah, bro. I'm not fit to get into shit over this fucking 6 by 6 foot piece of real estate that I'm never gonna own how are they testing you?

they start trying to stand on your section so you're standing on the main floor but if you take one step back you're 6 inches elevated on this other little platform here which is my section that I paid like 300 bucks for for the night and you gotta like tell them bro get off my section or you just get you just get more

strangers on your section oh no right and they're doing it on purpose because it's like this ego like i'm the man in here oh you know what i mean so yeah so it was fun for a minute but i'm like nah i'd rather not do that dude i'd rather not do that so after that i if i do go to clubs or bars i'll never buy a section again i'm not gonna pay extra money for elevated floor just so people can fucking try to like i'm the man i'm the man like if i'm gonna go out there i'll just get drunk might do some shrooms i'm gonna have a good time no matter where the fuck i'm at i think you're better off in a dive bar with your sensibilities. Yeah.

The reason why people do that is because they don't have other things going on. The reason why someone wants to be the guy with the corner or he's six inches elevated and wear all the gold chains and the big watch and all the jewelry and shit. It's because that's like the way you stand out. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm still going to go back and shit on these people. Don't get me wrong. But I'll tell you how I'm going to do. I'm still going to go back and shit on these people. Don't get me wrong. But I'll tell you how I'm going to do it. How are you going to do it?

I'm going to buy the 1989 Michael Keaton Batmobile. And when they see me pulling up to that in the club or leaving in that, how can you top that? You did whatever you had to do in the club. You threw your money. You looked good for the night. But your girl's probably going to want to go home with batman you know i bet that car drives like shit probably but what does that car look like pull up the michael keaton batmobile i don't even remember what it looked like is that what it looks like yeah i'll paint it myself too that's been one of my dreams is to paint the bat all right i take it back that looks looks pretty dope. Pretty sick, right? That thing's amazing. That's amazing.

Does someone make that? No. Oh, someone makes that. Is that the Peterson? God made it. Yeah, but I bet you'd get someone to make that. That's what it is. Bro, that's what you should do.

Don't buy that one. 67 Impala. They would never sell that one. It's a 67 Impala? Okay. It's based off of it. Oh, shit. I love Impalas.

I never knew. No wonder I like it. That thing drives like shit. You got to do something with that suspension. You got to send that shit to Roadster Shop. I bet Roadster Shop could make you a Batmobile. Yeah. 100%.

I'm down. Or someone like that. Like someone who does like custom work. There's some dudes out there. Look at those buttons. Pure Vision. I could see Steve Strope making something like that. Can you go back to the to the buttons the panel

one time one time i it was like my first time going to las vegas and it was also my first like heavy heavy mushroom trip i got in the front seat of a taxi cab because my friends are big guys like on the heavy side right so i couldn't fit in the back with them i got in the front and i was just tripping really hard the whole front looked like all that was tripping hard taxi cab in the taxi cab oh so like the cb radio and all that yeah's tripping hard taxi cab in the taxi cab oh so like the cb radio and all that yeah it looked like you were in the millennium falcon almost yeah whenever i look at a pilot like if you get to look and get on a plane you peek through where the pilots are see all that shit they got imagine if the pilot died you had to figure those things

out there's all these buttons up here and buttons down there fuck that's too many buttons too many buttons how do they i always like every time a pilot lands i'm like you can't see that like i don't know man pilots landing scare the shit out of me it should flying just scares the shit i do want to learn to fly though but i want those little boat the little ones that you can land on water but i heard those crash a lot i bet they do i bet they do i've flown in those before you but have you flown one no no no i've been a passenger in one of those is it scary is it a bumpy is it a bumpy right yeah we got we flew into alaska and landed on a lake oh shit yeah we're camping in uh prince edwards island i think that's it is

yeah is there actual prince on that island? I don't think so. If he is, he's dead. It rains there like every day. Every day of the year. Basically every day of the year. I think it rains like 300 days a year or something crazy like that. Do you ever hate when you're like out and about and it's raining? I like rain, but I like it when I'm home.

Well, one thing that rain does do for you, if you spend a week in the rain, when you get back home, especially somewhere like California where it's like sunny, it's like, oh, my God, it feels amazing. It feels amazing. You don't know what the sun really feels like until you've been dumped on in a tent every day for a week. All right. You're so cold. I probably need that. You never dry out.

I think I need that because right now I'm sick of the sun. Fuck the sun. It's because you live in a place that has great weather. Yeah. California, that's the number one thing people get spoiled by is that weather. That weather's perfect. That's why everybody moved there initially to do films because they could do movies out there and it was never raining. You never had to like, if you had an outdoor scene and it rained, you were fucked.

Do you have a favorite movie? A favorite one? No. What about a top three movie? A favorite one? No. What about a top three? I don't think I do. At least for the week? You know, they can change. Well, this week right now, it's High Plains Drifter.

I watched High Plains Drifter the other day for the first time in years, and I forgot. I've never seen that. I got to check it out. Oh. High Plains Drifter. I think it's from the 1970s. It's one of them Clint Eastwood movies. Oh, I love Clint Eastwood, bro.

Oh, it's great. Clint Eastwood is the type of guy that when I first saw him on a movie, like an old movie, I was like, whoa, what if he's racist? But even if he was, I was like, he's fucking badass. He could be racist all he wants. I saw him on those old westerns shooting Mexicans. I was like, fuck it, bro. Do what you got to do, Clint Eastwood.

What is it called again? High Plains Drifter. I'll write that. It's actually like a ghost. I'm going to put the cigar in my mouth as I write so I can feel like I'm writing big numbers. It's a ghost story. It's about a dude who gets, spoiler alert, it's a movie from the 70s. What year was that movie?

73. It's about a guy who gets whipped to death. He's the sheriff in this town. He gets whipped to death. And he comes back. He comes back and kills everybody comes back as clint eastwood oh they don't they don't recognize that it's him because he looks totally different kind of like chucky but he appears out of nowhere in the beginning of the movie is like this fucking heat

you know those uh heat waves that you see when you look at a highway it's like it looks like a mirage yeah so this heat wave he just appears out of nowhere in this heat wave rides into town fucks the whole town up, kills everybody, and then rides back out the same way and disappears. Goes back to hell or heaven? Goes back to hell. He painted the whole town red. Hell yeah. Yeah. It's a wild movie, but it's also a wild

movie because it's a time capsule. Like, you have to look at old movies and imagine you're living in 1973. You can't look at an old movie from 2020 and think from a 2023 perspective. 1970s movies are some of the best films. And I feel like if it's a good movie,

I will just kind of get captured in it. And when I do go out and about again, I was like, oh shit, what the fuck? There's some great movies. I like, I don't know. There's like a point to this movie. This is High Plains Drifter He's a man with no name I fucking love that It's a great movie I wish I couldn't even He's a man with no name.

I fucking love that. It's a great movie, man. I wish I couldn't even get introduced on stage. I wish I could just walk on stage. He kills everybody, bro. And they don't understand it. It's a wild movie. Look at that guy.

He's like, why are you killing us? But it's a wild movie because it's a movie from 1973. That's the whole thing about it. It's like you've got to put's the whole thing about it it's like you got to put yourself in 1973 to really enjoy it this might be me being too picky with movies but it is kind of tough to watch like a western movie these days in such high definition like i don't know it's a little weird man i love i love movies from the 70s i really like um like dog day afternoon oh yeah i like that movie sat Saturday Night Fever.

Oh, man. That's a great movie. It's a little too intense when like John Travolta's character is just like, what is her name? That girl that ends up getting like kind of raped by those dudes.

Not kind of. She got raped. Yeah. I forget her name. And he's all like, you see, is that what you wanted? I'm like,

oh, shit, bro. She just got raped. Like, come for her or something. And then his friend falls off the bridge and all the attention goes to that. I'm like, hey,, bro, she just got raped. Like, come for her or something. And then his friend falls off the bridge, and all the attention goes to that. I'm like, hey, they just raped that chick. So that part of the movie is a little off to me,

but I'm like, I don't know. It's a depressing movie. Yeah, but the beginning is dope as fuck. Well, it's dope as fuck because you're also realizing that those people are doing the exact same thing that people are trying to do at the club, sitting on that platform. They're trying to show out, and they're trying to show out by dancing.

I'm just intrigued by club culture in general, man. Maybe that's why I like that movie so much, because that guy's whole thing is like— He's just showing up and dancing better than anybody. Yeah. Yeah. Being the man at the club. Being the man. Yeah.

When you saw him dance, like, oh, my God, look at him go. Yeah. And you know what, though? The part that really made me feel like, look at him go yeah and you know what though when i the part that really made me feel like look at him go it's the beginning of that movie he's just like walking yeah he gets two pizzas and falls them together then he sees a shirt he's like i'm gonna put that shirt on layaway i'm gonna come back for it i'll be like hell yeah that's life right there give me some give me some volume This is the life, Joe Rogan.

Smoking a cigar, watching 70s movies. Look how good he looks. When he walks, he's dancing. I mean, that dude's dancing when he walks. He's like, hey, hey, girl. Ah, never mind. Hell yeah, that's life, you know? Stay. Hey, girl. Ah, never mind. Hell yeah. That's life, you know? What a great song, too.

Oh, yeah. Because that song is really, that song is what the movie's all about. I mean, they're just trying to, look how handsome he was back then. God damn, John Travolta. Two pizzas. Two slices at the same time. Got the little gold chain. That's what inspired me to get the gold chain with John Travolta. Little pizzazz, little flash.

This is a great movie, but it also gave me a lot of anxiety. What year was that movie? I don't know. 77? I'm guessing. I feel like it's... Are you guessing? 77, yeah. You ever hear the story... Oh, I feel like are you guessing uh 77 yeah you ever hear the story I remember

oh sorry what are you no I was I was 10 years old when that movie came out and I remember getting anxiety about being an adult yeah yeah because I remember

they didn't know what the fuck they were doing with their life oh yeah they're just dancing everybody's falling apart and people are dying

I feel like all life is is people just going with it yeah nobody really knows you know? They also didn't have any fucking avenues. Like, where do you go?

What do you do? I heard Honduras. Honduras, there's no, like, addresses. I could be wrong. Maybe they have them by now, but. They don't have addresses? They don't have, like. How do you get mail?

So the mailman just knows where you live. You think I'm making this up? Is is that like one town in honduras or the whole country i think it's a lot of towns i could be wrong i could but here's like from the stories i've heard so my my son i have a four-year-old son right his mom is half honduran his mom though has never met her biological father but my son's grandma you know obviously knows who this guy is she would tell me these stories cool lady man she was telling me how like when she was i think she was pregnant or when her when my son's mom was a baby she went to honduras because her baby daddy had gotten deported whoa yeah and she didn't guys republican now i'm kidding he's Republican I don't know

but she went to Honduras to like I guess be with the guy or at least look for the guy I don't know she says it's like crazy dangerous

it's like the majority of the people walking around with machetes whoa and I could be getting I could be mixing it up because I've also heard

stories about Salvadorians I just found a story that confirms sort of what you just said yeah really what does it say someone on TripAdvisor just says I'm trying to find help for my husband Stories about Salvadorians. I just found a story that confirms sort of what you just said. Yeah? Really? What does it say? Someone on TripAdvisor just says,

I'm trying to find help for my husband to get his U.S. visa. He needs his mom's street address in Choluteca. And then someone responds and says, Very few streets have formal names. It's common to see addresses such as X Neighborhood, Red House behind the church, or across from the Venice Borough. So if you know the name or location, someone can help you. You gotta be a skilled fucking mailman.

Right, when do you think they first, like, when they first started making towns, when was the first dude to say, this is Mike's Lane. It had to be a fucking fed up mailman. It had to be a mailman who just was like, I gotta get in charge of this town to fucking

figure out these problems. Right. What would they do before a mailman? Before there was the mail. Memory. No, they had to get letters to each other

somehow. I mean, I know they used to use Ravens. Oh, that's pretty cool. Send a Raven. It's Game of Thrones. You know? Life has gotten way

too comfortable these days, man. We need to go back to like where you had to learn to communicate with ravens. Wolves in the street. Wolves in the street. Mushrooms in religion. Mushrooms in the church.

Wolves in the street. That's my next fucking special right there. Not a bad thought, but a lot of people are going to die. I think we peaked somewhere in the 90s. I think that was enough technology. Technology wise? Yeah. Like that was enough technology. Technology-wise? Yeah. Like, that was enough comfort.

Things were easy enough, you know? We could cop people, you know. FaceTime? Yeah, but the internet is the most important thing that's ever happened to people. Ancient Egypt started mail system. Oh, wow. Ancient Egypt. Wow.

Wow. 2400 BCE, when pharaohs used couriers to send out decrees throughout the territory of the state the earliest surviving piece of mail is also Egyptian which dates back to 255 BCE recovered from the boy. Try saying that word.

I bet when they did invent streets Try saying that word. Oxrihynchus Hynchus Oxrinch. Oxrihynchus? Hynchus? Oxrinkus? Oxrihynchus. Oxrihynchus? What do you think, Jamie?

I think the second one he said was probably the best. If you click on it, does it tell you how to say it? Oxrinkus. Oxrinkus. Oxrinkus. Oxrinchus. It might be some weird way of saying it, you know? Is it like a Google for the word?

Okay, let's see if you can see how to say it. How do you say it? Does it tell you? Oxyrhynchus. Oxyrhynchus. Oxyrhynchus. It's Greek. Interesting.

Oxyrhynchus. Yeah, taxes, though, I think is the... Oh, wow. You think you could impress, like, a scholar-type girl with that word? Nope. Hey, baby, oxyrhynchus. You don't want to impress... Anybody that's impressed by big words, you don't want to impress them.

They're so stupid. They're impressed by big words. I have heard, too, that, like, the most intelligent people, the most polite way of communication, the most intelligent way of communication is just making sure they understand what you're saying. So if you say it in the simplest words, that's technically the more intelligent route, the more polite route. Right. Because you know sometimes people are fucking with you when they're using words that you know are not common words. Yeah. And you have to go, I always ask, what does that mean?

Yeah. You got to ask what that means. You don't know what it means. Because some people pretend, oh, yeah, I know what that means. It's like the club shit. They're showing off the Rolex, but they don't have a Rolex. They're showing off the big word. Do you ever see Dennis Miller's act?

Mm-mm. Dennis Miller was a killer back in the day. Dennis Miller, part of his comedy that was very different from anybody else's comedy was really obscure references to, like, you know, ancient literature and fucking early rulers and, like, obscure. Like, people were laughing. They didn't even know what the fuck they were laughing at. Like, it was, like, weird references. Like, you had to be very fucking smart and well-read to know. I don't even know if he knew them.

You know what I'm saying? But that was part of the style i like that like he was a smooth intelligent guy that was talking down to you that's pretty i mean but it was funny it was funny material yeah shit if you got him you gotta flex them sometimes you know i guess but it becomes a thing right that that's what you're doing and then that takes people out of like that it's never really you you're doing this thing yeah you know yeah i think i know which is okay too like it's all okay like carrot top's great pull out props is it funny yeah great it's great but it's it's very different yeah very different than mitch hedberg it's very different than richard pryor like it's all great so it's all but it's everybody's got their own way that they want

to do it and that's one of the cool things about comedy is like you can't tell you can kind of give your friends advice you could say hey man like maybe you should slow your words down so people can understand you but everybody does it different everybody does different everybody does it you got to find out how you do it. It's got to somehow or another match your personality for real. It's got to be the most, the best way you can do it,

and for some people, it's a character. Some people, they create a character, and they go on stage with it, and that's great too. It's like, what do they call it?

Finding your voice. Yeah. Well, Dice. Dice became Dice. Dice was Andrew Silverstein. And his stand-up in the early days, he used to do a Travolta impression. It was amazing.

He had an amazing Travolta impression. He's an incredible impersonator. He does amazing impressions. But he just never does them. And then he would do this character called the Dice Man. And this character was the funniest part of his act. It was so funny. And that's when he'd do all those rhymes and shit.

And this guy would be this fucking wild dude from Brooklyn. And then he just became Dice. I saw him perform live at Hyena's. Oh, nice. It was fucking awesome. Yeah. Dice is awesome. I was a fan of Dice when I was 19 years old.

So for me to be friends with him now just trips me out all the time. Whenever I'm around him, it trips me out. I was 19 years old and I was parked in a car in front of my house with this girl I was dating. And we were just listening to, I had a cassette player in my car and we were listening to Dice. And we were both howling laughing. Just howling laughing. Back then, like a lot of the comedy that I would listen to, I'd listen to with girls I was dating. You know, it was a fun thing to do.

Like, hey, you want to listen to some comedy? And we'd sit down there. And back then, there was no internet, man. You had to put a fucking record on. And you'd listen to an old Richard Pryor album. You know, and me listening to Dice with this girl. Like, just how, I never even thought about doing comedy at that point that was just fun

it was just to me it was just like this is hilarious and so now I'm friends with him it's so weird it's a badass feeling though it's crazy I get a text message

from Dice every now and again I'm like Jesus Christ that's Dice Clay hell yeah it's wild I feel that especially when you're young like if you're 19 years old

you're a fan of someone and then as a grown man you're their friend it's odd i'm a big um i'm big mark norman fan i love mark norman i always watch his clips like just huge fan and then um i got to like open for a meeting he was like super cool as fuck you know i mean just hung out whatever we got to do bert's like tour he helped me write a bit like the shit was like unreal i was like holy shit like i was just watching this dude you know right right now you're friends with him yeah yeah hey it's cool right now i just remembered when we're watching that john travolta stuff and he said he did an impression um i don't know i heard this story i don't know if it's true or not,

but I heard that when John Travolta was like blowing up, right? Right after like Saturday Night Fever. Right. I heard that Freddie Prinze like ran into his apartment with like a crossbow or something. You ever hear that?

Freddie Prinze pulled a gun on somebody. Or maybe it was a gun. Maybe I just imagined it was a crossbow. Actor Freddie Prinze says, gun on somebody. Or maybe it was a gun. Maybe I just imagined it was a crossbow. Actor Jimmy Walker says Freddie Prinze once tried to kill John Travolta. Oh, Jesus Christ. Badass. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. It was a crossbow.

Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Sometimes you got to do what you got to do. You got to pull a crossbow on people. So he talked about it during the Comedy Store documentary series. Walker claims that Prince called him one day and announced, we got to kill John Travolta.

He says, I'm going to kill this guy. I'm the biggest star on TV. The Good Times star, 73, recalled. I said, well, a lot of people are on TV. I'm on TV. Walker said, Prince shot back. You're not bigger than me, man. I'm the biggest guy.

I'm the best guy. Everybody knows me. I'm the funniest guy. I'm the best guy. Everybody knows me. I'm the funniest guy. Oh, my God. He was crazy. Man, when I started going up at Hyena, some of the people that would work there would be like, you remind me of Freddie Prince. So he fired three arrows into John Travolta's door.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. That's what John Travolta said when it was happening. He said, oh, my God. Oh, my God. that's hilarious. That's what John Travolta said when it was happening. He said, oh my God. Oh my God. That's crazy. He shot himself when he was 22 years old, man.

Freddie Prinze? Yeah. Oh shit. I didn't know that. I knew it. I was a kid back then, but my grandfather used to love that show Chico and the Man. He was on there. Yeah.

That was his show. That was a show that blew him up. Bro, he blew up on television. He was like 20 years old. That was his show. That was the show that blew him up. Bro, he blew up on television. He was like 20 years old. I love his clips. He was 20 years old and he had a sitcom. You can find his clips on YouTube. I love watching his.

He was a good comic. What was his, how old was he when he did Chico and the Man? My grandfather loved Sanford and Sons, Chico and the Man, and All in the Family. Freddie Prinze didn't look 22. He looked older. I feel like back then people just looked older quicker. They died younger, too. He died when he was 22.

That was his third season, so he would have started at 19. Holy shit, bro. Wow. People used to age faster, for sure. Oh, yeah. You ever seen that thing when they show pictures of Archie Bunker and Edith Bunker and you find out how old they really were? Yeah, he does not look like 22. That looks like a 35-year-old man.

Yeah. Right? Now I feel like Anne Hathaway, I don't know how old she is, but she looks 19. Yeah, some of those ladies are keeping it together now. Yeah, even the guys. I know there's all those conspiracies. They're like the children's blood, even the guys. I know there's all those conspiracies. They're like, they chose his blood, Illuminati. I put

checkerboard flooring on the floor of my special, and people keep thinking like, Freemason. They're like, they got him. I just like checkerboard flooring. Bro, I went to a satanic wedding with Duncan Trussell. Duncan Trussell, he has this character called Little Hobo.

And Little Hobo is a puppet And he brings Little Hobo out And he tells everybody that his grandfather just died And he left behind his puppet This is a satanic puppet It's one of the funniest bits I've ever seen in my life It's an amazing bit So he does this guy

Who is like Anton LaVey's Grandson I think. They're Satanists. So they hired Duncan to do this routine at a Satanic wedding. I go to this Satanic wedding, and I take a picture with this dude. And to this day, people think I'm a Satanist now. Because I was like, fuck you.

I was like, this is so ridiculous. They're just silly people. I mean, I don't know if they're doing like real satanic shit when we're not around Yeah, but like I was like I expected it to be like I wanted to just experience it. Yeah, so we went we got barbecued We were off the rails. We were in another dimension. We were looking at life through like a water-covered Shower door like it was like everything was very strange and so to me watching duncan do this little hobo routine in front of all these fucking satanists it was just wild but it was hilarious

it was a fun time but they were just like i don't know what their thing is duncan says they're just hedonists they don't follow any rules and that's what they think of as satanism but you know maybe they do some creepy shit like i bet you even in the religion of worshiping satan there's like different forms of it like i bet you i bet you even they're just like you're not doing it right this is how you do it right there's probably like hardcore satanists who really are out there murdering homeless folks and then there's other people that are like you know just like dressing up like devils and yeah i remember i seen some shit like on tv one time where they're like there's rules to that are just dressing up like devils. Yeah. I remember seeing some shit on TV one time where there's rules to it. They're like, if you're a Satanist, there's their own Ten Commandments. You're not supposed to kill animals unless it's necessary for food.

Oh, really? Yeah, never harm children or women or some shit. They have rules that even the devil's like, all right, bro, this is even too far. I don't know. We'll find out when we get to hell. Who was the guy that stumbled upon that Satanist place in the middle of the woods? Remember there's that one dude that we had on? And there was this guy who used to work for nasa who was a real satanist like in the church

of satan and this abandoned place where this guy used to do his research at someone went to visit it who was it but this guy like python was Yeah. But, like, what time frame is this that he works at NASA? Like, did he help us get to the moon? 1960s. 1950s or 1960s? I think the 50s. It was in the 90s. Yeah.

Let's go back and find out. I think it's crazy if this is one of the guys that helped us get to the moon. But, bro, this guy used to wear, like, the outfits and everything. Yeah. Like, there's photos of him, like, at a real Satanist church. Like some nerdy glasses he was like an open satanist like you could kind of be an open satanist and still be a rocket scientist in the 1960s they hadn't figured out that that was kind of fucked up yet there was a lot of shit that they hadn't figured out by then well you know the the rocket scientists that we got most most of them came from Nazi Germany.

Oh, shit. I didn't know that. There's a thing called Operation Paperclip. In Operation Paperclip, the United States acquired all of Germany's rocket scientists, including Wernher von Braun. So who's this cat? Jack Parsons. Jack Parsons. Says his father, John Parsons.

So go on that photo there. That's him dressed up in all the Satanist shit. He looks like. Look at that. He looks like Iron Man's dad in the movies, in the Avengers movies. This guy used to fucking dress up. Click on that link because that's the story. What is this one?

Hold on. Look at this fucking outfit. This guy. Imagine this guy's a rocketry pioneer. That's crazy. From rocketry pioneer to deviant occultist, Jack Parsons was the ultimate mad scientist. So this motherfucker was like a real rocket scientist and also a Satanist. That's nuts, man.

Crazy. How do you have all this knowledge? Scroll back down again. You're such an intelligent, smart person. I just have a good memory. And then you dress so goofy. Me? No, him.

Oh. This guy is- intelligent smart person good memory and then you dress so goofy me no him this guy this guy well he dresses normal unless he's doing the satanist thing but that's what i'm saying though like you know how to fucking you know rock you're a literal rocket scientist you know about rockets and then in your free time you're like let me put out this goofy ass ghetto yeah so the 1930s when the suicide squad began conducting their explosive experiments, rocket science belonged largely to the realm of science fiction. Oh, wow. So this guy, so they were thinking it was all horseshit.

It was mostly science fiction. This guy was like a legit rocket scientist who was also a Satanist. So this guy's place, this Python cowboy dude went to this guy's place and he said there's like blood splatter on the walls there was like a chair that had like this red puddle underneath it he was like it creeped him the fuck out and he ran out of there this is it that guy went to his place well he went to the space rocket facility and people were he said there was all sorts of stuff on the wall. Yeah, I said there's like, look, they've got these people spray painted upside down crosses on the rocks and shit. I know he had video footage of it, but he said it's really creepy.

So this is him when he, like, he's stumbling upon, like, they got Latin written on the walls and it's weird. So a lot of these places, I guess, these Satanists had come in and they're doing their little rituals in this place. Little psychos. Earlier when I said that we went too far with technology, I'm starting to take it back. Take it back. Now I feel like, hey, man, kill some time on Netflix and Instagram. Don't go spray paint upside down crosses and stuff. Yeah.

Don't be sacrificing people in the woods. Go get Disney Plus or something. Yeah. Get Paramount Plus. Yeah. Go watch the new South Park one, the Pandaverse. Hell yeah. You don't have to.

But, you know, there's always been people that are, like, doing secret things on the fringe, you know? There's always been people like that that are doing, like, forbidden secret things in society. Yeah, little penis people. That has to be what it is, you know? You got to find something to, like, obsess about. You got to, like, distract people from your real issue sometimes. I think there's also, like, people that are in these, like, elite circles of, like, world leaders and shit like that.

I think they probably like to do the creepiest, most deranged shit secretly. You know, like they have these little secret societies together. For sure. It's always been the case. There's got to be some weird shit going on. Too much time and money on your hands can lead to some, like, how do I achieve the next level of being elite? You know what I mean?

There was this guy in, so like when I used to go work at my dad's body shop, we'd stop at this gas station sometimes. And that area was a lot of like, it's like a hood area that would neighbor like the mansion area. So there's like a lot of rich folk around there too. And sometimes, man, there'd be people doing weird shit. There was a guy, this little memory still goes through my head. Not like elite weird shit, but just weird. Like there was a guy who would hold memory still goes through my head. Not like a leeward shit, but just weird. There was a guy who would hold his paintings from his house. He had really nice paintings.

In the park. He had an old school. I don't remember what he drove. It was fucking expensive. I just remember this guy's like, Rich, let me just hold these fucking paintings and just stand on the street like a homeless man. Just want everybody to see his painting? Yeah, he nuts he just it's just fucking rich crazy guy with way too much time on his hands and when i saw that i was like bro like once you reach a level of money

like you probably just do crazy shit just for the fuck out just for just because you can you know what i mean especially if all you do is make money like That's what those dominatrix ladies always say. Their clients are always these guys who are like these CEOs of mega corporations. And they just want to get pissed on and yell that slap. It's fucking nuts. Yeah, they want to get tied up and thrown in the corner. Shut the fuck up. And they come over and kick them in the balls.

They want that. Bro, did you ever see that movie? I mean, it's like they made the movie about the movie the room yeah that was like tommy was the lure what's his name i don't remember his name i was messing around but there's that scene in the movie that made fun of the movie where like joe rogan's character like the director goes to the bank and he's like i want to cash this check and they're like oh yeah and he's like holy shit it worked and the the bank tellers telling him he's just like this guy's bank account it's like a bottomless pit that amount of money has to be kind of scary though because you either go make

shitty movies with your money then you don't know what the fuck you're doing like that guy which is funny or you probably also do scary shit like that's a scary amount of money to have so i know i know people who struggle financially. Probably like, oh, man, if I could just have this money, if I could just have that money. Yeah, life would be easier. But if there's no challenge, if there's no maze to run through, what are you really going to do with that much free time? I'll tell you what you're going to do. You're going to get in a homemade submarine and die in the ocean.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah, those dudes. That's exactly what that was like. That was $250,000 a ticket to get in that submarine and die. Why? And the submarine had no windows, right? Well, it had like little small windows. You don't really see, you're seeing things through a screen.

They call me old school, but I feel like if I spent $250,000 on the ticket, I want like a luxurious experience. I want to see the fucking ocean, not through a tiny little screen. I want communication with the outside world. I don't know. I do want to get rich. Don't get me wrong. I do want to get rich because I feel like pretty soon.

What are you going to buy? What kind of car are you going to get? I mean, I'm not too worried about all that. I really want to save money to like. You like painting. Don't you want a dope car? I want to go to the moon. Oh, you're one of those dudes.

Yeah. Elon Musk is probably going to offer rides soon, you know? $250,000 a ticket. I think you could already get into space for that amount of cheddar. Yeah? Yeah, I think you can get into space for like $250,000. I want to go to space. Like the Blue Origin. Don't they fly people into space?

Bro, you want to wait a few years. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely want them to get the kinks out, you know what I mean? Get the kinks out. Work out the glitches and shit. You don't want to die in a fiery ball of hell. Yeah. Crashing into the ocean, burning alive.

Nah, yeah. Blue Origin. For suborbital flights, Blue Origin typically charges around $200,000 to $300,000 per person. The cost includes a one-hour flight and a three-hour preparation program. For those looking to go into orbit, Blue Origin origins orbital launch services range from 50 million to 100 million per person yo big difference that is a giant difference alright suborbital is that good you go up for I think they send you up for about a minute or two and then you just float back down hmm how far do you go

what's the height what's suborbital? Suborbital means you're not going out technically of the range where you need to go. You're going very, very high. That's where they sent William Shatner to, I think. Is that where they send the guy? Remember the guy who sky dove from the outer layer? Oh, that wild motherfucker. For Red Bull or whatever?

Yeah, that's my friend. Yeah? That's Andy Stump. Man. He's a psychopath. Was it Andy that did it? No, no, no. No, that's a different guy.

Andy did something similar. He was on a fucking plane. There's suborbital right here. Okay. This is suborbital. So they're still floating? So they're above Earth. They get to look down.

They're weightless. Like a William Shatner. He's like, I'm too old for this shit. But you don't get way up there where you're looking down on the ball. I don't even think that's fun right there. Because are you even... I I feel like the Earth is so bright you can't even see the stars and shit. You definitely probably won't see the stars. No, you don't see the stars. That's not worth it.

I'm not doing that. But I think to see the stars, you've got to go way the fuck up there. Yeah, I don't know that they're even seeing them in the spaceship. You've got to go way the fuck up there. I want to go into the abyss. You probably do when you're on the dark side, don't you think, Jamie? Yeah, but no one's been there for a long time. Right, but you go over there for a whiz, right?

It's real fast. You're going like 17,000 miles an hour, right? Isn't that the space station? Yeah, I honestly, I mean, we have to look into this. I think the only star you could probably see is the sun. Oh, well. Because it's going to have to be the dark side. When you're on the other side, this is changing my financial plans. I think the only star you could probably see is the sun. Oh, well. Because it's going to have to be. When you're on the other side, the dark side?

This is changing my financial plans. I don't know. You got to get 100 million bucks, bro. You got to go way up. I wonder how much it costs for them to send me to like a wormhole or a black hole. Well, you don't want to do that. Nah, nah, nah. If I'm like.

Imagine you come back and you're in the Mongol days. You're like, motherfucker. What is the Mongol days? Like when Genghis Khan ruled the Earth and killed 10% of the population. That would suck. It'd suck to, I don't know. I'd hope not even to come back, though. I'd just go somewhere else.

Maybe there's like another planet, another universe. Another dimension. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe. Remember when Bradley Cooper went through it and then he came back and Earth was like saved, but they're like in these cylinder fourth dimension things

or something like that. Was it Interstellar? You've seen Interstellar? Oh, that wasn't Bradley Cooper. That was Matthew McConaughey, right? Matthew McConaughey. I always get the names mixed up. I was confused.

Yeah. Bradley Cooper will get his chance too, but yeah, Matthew McConaughey. Yeah, that was a great movie. Bro, even he got back in the ship. It was like, nah, I'm out. So yeah. Okay, during spacewalks

in earth's shadow astronauts can see stars once their eyes adjust to the darkness holy shit your eyes have to adjust to the darkness of space right

but that's spacewalks in earth's shadow I don't think that's the same they don't go behind the moon space station habitable artificial satellite

in low earth orbit that serves the space environment that ship that trip I've told you about a few times that Steve Aoki is supposed to go on. It's supposed to be like one of the first man trips back around the moon. Steve Aoki, don't die on the moon. Bro, Steve Aoki. I've said this to him before. I'm going to say it again.

Don't do it, buddy. That guy is fucking badass. He's badass. He's a cool dude, too. You know a lot of cool people. He's very cool. On crew for first mission to the moon Steve

You want to be on the 100th mission But by the way I think they did a hundred Of those submarine dives Before that one exploded Oh shit I think they did a bunch of them Damn It wasn't like they were the first people

They probably go You got the kinks worked out I'll try this bitch out I've done it a hundred times. What could go wrong? Fucked up. Even car accidents happen every day. Well, if you send the same thing down there a hundred times, you also got to think, how many times can it go before it caves in?

Have you guys pressure tested that motherfucker at 30,000 feet below the earth? That is another fucking. Or however deep you're going. That's such a scary thing about the sea is the fucking pressure. If you come up too fast, you could get sick, right? You got to get incubated. Yeah. You can get fucked up.

Are there other things like that submarine ship available that we just don't know about? I'm sure there are. I'm sure that's not the only one, right? I bet the Russians will take you down. Remember that movie where the Russians, the Odessa Files? Is that what it's called? Yeah, is that what it's called? Yeah, yeah. Is that what it's called?

The documentary? The Odessa, what was that called? But there was a documentary where this dude, they offered to sell him a fucking submarine. This drug dealer.

Operation Odessa. Operation Odessa. He goes, do you want nukes too? He's like, what? What the fuck? Nukes? They offered to sell him nukes?

They offered to sell him nukes. They offered to sell them a submarine. That's true freedom, I guess, you know? Well, I think if you got that drug dealer money. This guy. Yeah, Operation Odessa. Click on that. Who made that documentary?

I should have sold drugs. Taylor Russell. That's right. Taylor Russell, who was a guest on the podcast and told us all about this. This is a wild dude who's a real guy. A Russian mobster in Miami sold a Soviet submarine to Colombian coke smugglers Nice seven years ago filmmaker Tiller Russell Was preparing to meet the former Russian mobster at the center of Miami's craziest true crime

Triumph true crime caper of the 90s and he was hoping or more like, a guard at the prison deep in a Panamanian jungle wouldn't screw him over. Yeah, it's an amazing story. The documentary's incredible, but it's all true. Like, they really, back then, after the collapse of the Soviet Union, they're like, what do you want? You want to buy nuclear bombs? We sell you nuclear bombs. Hold on, I gotta write that down. I gotta fucking check it out.

Yeah, it's a great documentary. Submarine. Columbia. He did an amazing job with that film, too. It's just like the way it puts it together. You're like, what? But it's all real stories. I think back then, like, you could buy shit.

You need a tank? Talk to Victor. Victor can get you a tank. That's what I like about it. You want a big tank? That's what I like about just being here in Texas. I feel like most shit you could buy. Most shit.

You could buy tigers out here. Yeah. One of my uncles had a tiger, but he said it got really expensive to feed it. Oh, I would imagine. He was down in South Texas, also doing some less than legal business. And he said he feed it like a lot of chickens. Yeah, they eat chickens whole. Yeah.

But that's like a snack for a tiger. He was like, after a while, it got too fucking expensive to keep it. How many chickens you got to feed a tiger in a day? I would imagine like five or six chickens. Five or six. Maybe, yeah. At least.

They're huge. How much room do you give the tiger to live? Right. That's got to be fucked up. All right, now you make sure he doesn't get out. I'm not like a PETA guy or nothing, but damn, come on, man. Let the tiger breathe. Yeah. You shouldn't't do that you shouldn't have a tiger in

a fence but also a tiger in the wild is way more dangerous like that's a dangerous thing so just let them loose out there you ever see those people who like raise it from like when they're kittens and then they just have it in their living room i'd never trust it i i know this is like old school old school way of thinking don't get me wrong like i have a dog i love my dog i treat them right or whatever you know but like it's just a little old school but animal is a fucking animal it's a fucking animal i don't care how much you're like no he's so friendly and we raise i'm like bro animals, an animal's a fucking animal. Siegfried and Roy. Look at that, yeah. They had that tiger forever.

Yeah. And then one day the tiger's like, I think I want to bite your neck. There's like instinct. I feel like biting your neck. Yeah.

I'm tired of just getting fed scraps. Yeah, bro. I want to bite your fucking neck. I barely, if I barely even trust my dog, I mean, I trust my dog

not in every situation. Every now and then I look at him like, hey, hey, hey. What kind of dog you got? Ah, so I have two. if i barely even trust my dog i mean i trust my dog not in every situation every now and then i look at him like hey what kind of dog you got uh so i have two one is actually my dad's and i think it's like those like fucking pit bull bullies or whatever very good dog very very nice very gentle right but then i also have a rottweiler that i left back at my grandma's i couldn't bring him he's sketchy and he's a good dog i did so much to train him right like i read up i asked people like uh i couldn't i can leave him in my room all day he won't bite a thing he won't piss like

he'll let me know i could walk him without a leash like he'll stay by my side if he does get a little jumpy runs after something he'll come back you, you know. But even him, one day, because I know you might be like, oh, well, Rottweilers tend to have, like, bipolar to them or whatever. Really? Yeah, Rottweilers. They're bipolar? They can be, yeah. They can be bipolar. How do they find out?

I don't know. I didn't look that deep into it. You know what I'm saying? Like, who's the Rottweiler psychologist that has to sit down with Rusty? But even he tried to attack one of my sister's ones out of nowhere. Oh, man. And he's around my sister every day. He's like a year old around this point.

He's around my sister every day. And my dog doesn't bark. He's never – I've heard him bark twice. But he didn't bark. he growls for two seconds and then jump and luckily i was i was already holding him he scratched her he didn't get to bite her or nothing jesus christ yeah but like even kept him yeah but we just stopped letting them around like people oh jesus yeah but i kept that's a dangerous dog it is and he's you know biden's dog bit 11 people joe biden's dog bit 11 people joe biden's dog has bit 11 people secret service guys yeah yeah

dude i'd be like fuck this job this fucking dog's biting people and this is like the second dog that he's had that bites people joe biden's bites me. I'm turning Republican. Biden's dog commander involved in more White House biting incidents than previously reported. This fucking dog. Secret services acknowledged 11 reported biting incidents involving its personnel. Sources spoke with CNN said the real number is higher and includes executive resident staff and other White House workers. said the real number is higher and includes executive resident staff and other White House workers. Those bites have ranged in severity from one known bite requiring hospital treatment to some requiring attention from the White House medical unit to some going unreported and untreated. While the first family works for solutions to the ongoing issue, CNN has learned Commander is not on the White House campus.

Yeah, there's a real fucking solution. He's not even holding him right on the leash. It's called bullets. You developed a dangerous animal that wants to bite people. That's a fucked up dog, man. Take that dog out. That's a fucked up dog. Somebody did something bad to that dog or that dog was ignored or not trained or something

went really wrong. That's a working when my dog scratched my sister right he was able to get a little clunk after that shit man i did start to like try to research like why the fuck do dogs just flip or what you know could there be another reason apparently like dogs will remember a traumatizing moment for the rest of their lives did your sister do something to the dog? So now I'm wondering, right, like if her or maybe another kid maybe on accident hurt it

one day when trying to pet her or something, they'll remember that shit. Oh, really? So if a cat scratched it once, they'll hate cats forever. Or if like... You know what I mean? Yeah, dangerous dogs are fucking scary, man.

I have a golden retriever he ain't biting nobody he's friendly he's the worst dog for like guard dog duty he loves everybody he's just a bundle of love that's a dog you could you don't have to worry about him around anything except squirrels he'll fuck he's he's a demon the squirrels i'll fuck with cats sometimes i know a lot of people hate cats but i'm not like a super attentive, loving person all the time. And I feel like dogs kind of need that or they get sad. They definitely do. And I don't have a cat.

If you're going to go on the road, having a dog is rough. If you're on the road all the time, that dog is going to get ignored on the weekends. Also, I don't like to be that guy who carries around a little dog. I mean, respect to the people that do, but I'm not going to be that guy. So bring a little dog with you on the road, like a little chihuahua? No offense to the comics that do, but it's kind of girly. Yeah, but if your dog likes it. Like Peter Shore, the brother of Pauly Shore.

He was always bringing his little dog to the comic store. The dog is adorable. But I don't know. I'm not going to do it. But then when I do see, not every comic, I don't love everybody's dog. You know what I mean? I like dogs. I don't like everybody's dog.

But there are some comics that I see their dog, I'm like, all right, that's a cool dog. And then there are other comics where they have their dog, and I'm like, that's gay. Ron White had a really cool French bulldog named Mustard. Mustard got taken by a coyote. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's fucked up. That's a cool-ass name, too, Mustard.

Yeah, coyotes are, that's a weird little animal that lives alongside people. Because it's really a little wolf. It's a little wolf that lives alongside people and eats your pets. Fucking coyotes. They're creepers. I hope the wolves got that coyote. Well, that's why coyotes are so dangerous. Not dangerous, but one of the interesting things about coyotes is coyotes evolved around wolves,

but they evolved around gray, and gray wolves kill coyotes. They don't breed with them. The eastern wolves, like red wolves, they breed with coyotes, and you get the coy wolf. It's like a hybrid wolf-coyote. Not in the west. So the western wolves, they breed with coyotes. Then you get the coy wolf. It's like a hybrid wolf-coyote. Not in the west. So the western wolves, they just killed coyotes. So when coyotes would lose one of the members, the female coyotes would have more babies. So when they would call out, and one of them was missing,

it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes, and they would have more pups. What the fuck? And then they would spread out into where did you learn this were you raised by wolves yeah i had a man on the podcast named dan flores he wrote an amazing book called coyote america that i read and it's all about the history of the coyote in north america it's a it's in every city coyotes are in every city in every state and they didn't used to be they used to be confined mostly to the west and the southwest.

But because of human beings, like moving in and killing coyotes and trying to force them out and then agriculture and all these different things, they just kept spreading out. And now they're everywhere. Damn. Every city. New York City has coyotes in it. For real? For real. Oh, shit.

Yeah, we'll show you some photos. Just coyotes in Central Park, man. I was watching that movie Collateral with Tom Cruise. Great fucking movie. There's like a coyote that goes in the room. Yeah. I remember when I saw that, I was like, oh, I bet that'll happen in Cali because they got like hills and shit. But man, now I'm like, damn, that could happen anywhere.

Well, the first time I ever saw a coyote was in 94 when I first moved to L.A. And I was staying at this place in Burbank called the Oakwood Gardens. This is a place where when you move to a new place they had this they've rented out pre furnished apartments So it already had a couch already had a bed. You just you bring in your clothes. You're good It's like a hotel, but you live in it. It's apartment and I was pulling up to the place in my rental car And I saw three little dogs. I was like, what the fuck is that? What are those things? And as I got closer, I'm like,

oh shit, those are coyotes in the middle of Burbank. God damn. Just hanging out in the street. Yeah, that's one on the roof in New York City.

Look at that. How the fuck does it even get there? I don't know. You ever see those videos of like bears swimming up on the shore in Florida?

Oh yeah. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, a lot of bears in Florida. You're already trying to watch out for sharks. Now you got to watch out for bears, too? Dude. That's too much.

Didn't some lady get killed recently by a bear in Florida? I think some woman got killed by a black bear in Florida. There are a lot of bears in Florida. That's too much. I know. It's crazy. Florida's got everything, man. They got alligators, pythons, iguanas, bears.

That's like getting killed by a bear at the Mall of America. It wasn't supposed to happen there. You know what I mean? How the fuck did it end up there? Imagine a bear getting into the Mall of America and just running through people. That's a big mall. But that's Minneapolis, right? Yeah.

Someone's going to have a gun. Someone's going to have a gun. Someone's going to shoot that fucking bear. How many bullets do you think it'd take, though, to take down a bear? From a 9mm? Depends on what kind of bear. If it's a grizzly bear, you're fucked. You need something heavy. You need a.45 or a.10.

You can't... And 9mm's not enough stopping power. You really want, like, a.300 Win Mag. You want a rifle. Yeah. You got a bear. You want a large caliber weapon to take that fucking thing out. win man you want a rifle yeah you got a bear you want a large caliber weapon to take that fucking thing out you do not want a bear wounded that's still running

at you and your bullets are going in a couple of inches and it's just ready to fuck you up do you walk around with a gun you don't have to answer that i wouldn't answer that uh but if i was everything i need to knowzzly bears, I would definitely have a gun. Yeah? Yeah, I know people that go in grizzly country. They don't bring a gun. I'm like, what are you doing? Do you want to die by way of being eaten by a giant wild dog?

I think it's crazy that people go to hikes in places where there's bears. I mean, I get it. You know what I mean? You want to experience. Well, I think if you live in a place like Montana or or something like that it's just a part of the world the world has grizzly bears in it you know they just they coexist with them you hope you don't run upon a mama and her cubs that's the scariest thing scariest thing is accidentally stumbling upon a mama grizzly bear with her cubs you ever gone hunting yeah sure you like it i love hunting yeah

i've never gone hunting but one time we were walking through this like fucking trail it wasn't even like a trail we're trying to get to like a river to go fishing and they were saying that there's like wild hogs out there that come at you and i kind of like that like i don't know if i if i'd want to like hunt like wait for the animal spotted or whatever i mean i don't know how it goes but i kind of like the idea of like well i'd have to fucking kill it if it came at me you know what i mean then you have to eat it too maybe i don't know start a campfire i die if i try to fucking eat an animal that i kill i'm fucking up somewhere because isn't there like a certain amount of time you have like you got to skin it and make sure this is clean and no cross contaminants i can't even cook at home bro like it's not for everybody but the wild pig

thing is is a crazy way to get into hunting because you kind of have to kill those yeah they breed so often they breed three times a year i would start breeding when they're six months old what the fuck six months old to start pumping out little piglets i'm not one to judge i know a lot of teenage parents yeah pigs are a scourge it's a crazy animal and they're everywhere too in texas shit oh yeah there's so many of them here they have to they hunt them by helicopter there's like fucking they're not coyotes but there's a lot of dogs man out there where i live out in the country and i had to get used to that when i first moved out wild dogs yeah or even like just strays running around they're strays and and the people that own dogs just kind of let them be out yeah and i had

to get used to that because i was just living like in a regular fucking neighborhood and if i wanted to go jog sometimes there's some shit sometimes i just go out and run. One night, I just started running, and I started getting chased by dogs. Oh, shit. There was a fucking dog just coming at me from the— everybody out there has, like, a pretty big piece of land. It's like trailer homes and shit. And I just saw it leave the porch and start coming at me, but I was pretty far where I'm like, bro, if I just chop,

if I just run as fast as I can, I don't think he's going gonna come that far you know and then another dog started coming i was like what the fuck so i just took off i took off and i finally got away like far far and i had to call my sister to come pick me up i'm like i can't even jog back like i can't run back man the dog's probably waiting for you like that dude's gonna come back he's tired yeah i think they were waiting fucking country ass dogs well that's what happens to people with uh mountain lions too the mountain That dude's going to come back. He's tired. Yeah, I think they were waiting. Fucking country-ass dogs. Well, that's what happens to people with mountain lions, too. The mountain lions see them running, and they're just like, where are you going, bitch? Yeah.

It's like their instincts kick in. Their instincts kick in. Even I see people running. Wild dogs in Texas appear to carry DNA of wolf-declared extinct. Oh, shit. That's a Texas dog right there. Whoa. I didn't see what year, but there were previously red wolves and gray wolves in Texas that are supposedly extinct. Oh, wow.

And so there might be still wolves in Texas? Yeah, when I was, this other. Is that what they think? It said that there, what kind of dogs are in Texas? There's coyotes and packs of neglected domestic dogs running around. Wow. But there were also. I like how they say neglected.

Like I know they mean like nobody's taking care of them, but it also just feels like maybe the dog wanted attention. They've just been neglected. However, Texas was once home to two wolf species, the gray wolf and the red wolf, but sadly they were hunted to extinction in the Lone Star State. Sadly, if you're not a rancher. If you're a rancher, it's like, good. Yeah.

Jesus Christ. rancher if you're a rancher it's like good yeah jesus christ i have a friend who lives in bc like northern bc british columbia and they they'll occasionally a wolf will just like they'll have like a pack of wolves that like takes out a calf and they'll hear it in the middle of the night just horrible sounds of like wolves that are like ripping apart a cow and then you know other people find out about it they have to deal with them. I ran into a dude once at the airport, and I think I had a camouflage jacket on or something like that. And he goes, are you a hunter?

I didn't know what to say because he was a regular dude. I was like, I hope this isn't an argument. I was like, yeah, I was up here moose hunting. And he goes, we like to wolf hunt up here. He goes, yeah, we've got a real problem with wolves. He just starts telling me about wolves. And he goes, we like to wolf hunt up here. He goes, yeah, we got a real problem with wolves. He just starts telling me about wolves. And I go, what do you do? He goes, well, we take like a garbage pail and we throw scraps of meat in there and then we freeze it.

And then we take it and we'll put that in the middle of a field and then we hide. And if the wolves get desperate enough, they'll smell it and they'll come to that frozen meat. And then you just take them out. I was like, Jesus. Damn. I go, how many do you kill? He goes, you can't even put a dent in the population. Bro, imagine that's your life.

Imagine you have to make time during the week to go try to put a dent in this population. Yeah, so you can't even put a dent in the population. The smart ones never fall for it because they've been got before. They saw one of their pack get killed before that way. The fucking smart ones don't fall for it. So wolves are smartening up to this shit too? Oh, they'll wait. They'll wait.

And then they'll have the young ones that are stupid. And the young stupid ones will go in there and get shot. The wolves are only going to get smarter. They're only going to get smarter. Eventually these wolves are going to figure out how to fuck with your Instagram algorithm and give you bad wolf killing techniques so y'all can get killed by wolves. Yeah, they're going to do Russian disinformation.

Wolves are going to give up. Yeah. They're smart, man. They're smart. It's a creepy animal to bring back. Because for the longest time, they were a really terrifying thing that we had to deal with. People in Europe, they had to deal with wolves, man. I'm afraid of sharks.

I've never seen a shark. I don't even want to like, I don't know, maybe I'd go in that little cage where you can be around the sharks. Fuck that, dude. They go right through that cage. They do? Yeah, Jamie just sent me one. Pull it up, Jamie. I'm intrigued by them, but I'm also scared as fuck because you can't swim that fast.

You want to watch that from a boat with a shotgun in your hand. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you, monster. Fuck you, you fucking swimming disposal unit of all biological organisms. I'll have fucking nightmares about sharks and alligators. I'll have nightmares where you ever been in like where the water's kind of like up to your knee and you can't necessarily run too fast. It's like that uncomfortable.

Gators come out and grab you. Fucking gators just chasing me and I'm running through like the water. I don't know what those dreams mean. That means stay the fuck away from algae. Look at this. Watch this. Go full screen, Jamie. Watch this shit.

This motherfucker just goes right through the cage. this motherfucker just goes right through the cage so the shark swims into the cage and busts through the side of the cage and then comes out the top watch this shit is there a dude in that cage? that's the part of why I thought I had to wait for the end

look at that listen to the people was there anybody in there? was there anyone in there? Was there anyone in there? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yes, there was. So is the guy dead?

No. The guy got out? Yeah. Oh, my God. I can't tell if he's bleeding on this side, though. I tried to check a couple times. Oh, my God. He seems fine because they're not all reacting extra crazy and you don't see blood.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. and there's the dude he's still in there holy shit too i i feel like if i'm that guy and i saw my opening to get out i would have flown out faster than the shark just like a fucking fish out of water holy shit that guy's just calmly climbing out and he's dressed like a seal there's the shark it goes right in the side that's a big ass boom it just goes right in the side. God, that's a big-ass shark. Boom. It just goes right through the cage. Imagine. Someone flipped the top, thankfully, for them. Oh, my God. Look at him.

Yeah, it was on his toes. Oh, my God. That's so scary. And the shark does not want to be in there. Oh, my God, dude. Fuck that, Ralph. Fuck that, right? I still want to kind of go in one, but I just want to make sure I go around some pussy-ass sharks, like some little ones. Well, I don't want to i still want to kind of go in one but i just want to make sure i go around like some pussy ass sharks like some little ones like well i don't think i don't think they

have any idea what the kind of power those things have it went right through that bullshit cave that's like someone building a fence made out of popsicle sticks and telling you to stay out this is the largest did you see that guy that was swimming near it? Look at the size of that thing. How big is that one? That's the largest. Oh, my God. I think that's a girl. Yeah, it is.

She's got a little booty on her. Ocean Ramsey. She's a famous shark diver. Oh, shit. On the Instagram. This doesn't say how big it is. It just says it's the largest. It's big enough. Jesus Christ.

Look at the size of it. With record-breaking largest great white shark. Look how small she is compared to that fucking shark. That's so crazy. That's crazy that she's just like holding the fin. Oh my God, what are you doing? I guess she knows what she's doing.

She's still alive. Jesus Christ. Look at that outfit on that you talk about. Look at the shark vag. I'll show you the vag. Look. Get a close-up. Look at that thing. Look at the shark vag. I'll show you the vag. Look. Get a close-up. Look at that thang.

Look at that. Some people have, like, a calmness, man. They can go around crazy animals, and they don't make the animal nervous. I don't have that. I tried to ride a horse once when I was a kid. Fucking horse started going crazy. Everybody thought I was, like, devil-possessed or something. Why is this horse so—

Because you're probably nervous, right? Yeah. And the horse probably felt it. Like, oh, this motherfucker's on me he's freaked me out i'm that guy that if you bring your dog around my dog's gonna bark or something oh no i'm not yeah oh trust me not not my dog all right my dog will run right up to you hello you're my new best friend that's a golden retriever you said right i've never been around a golden retriever oh my god they're bundles of love he loves everybody. Everybody's just love.

He'll drop on his back like, grab my belly. He doesn't even know you. He loves everybody. Nah, I hang around people. He'll change your opinion of dogs. All right. I hope so. Yeah, because he's not like a Rottweiler.

It's the total opposite of a Rottweiler. Everybody I hang around with just has tough guy dogs. Those dogs can be sketchy. And then they'll be like, nah, he's fine. Yeah, until he's not. Yeah, fuck that. Yeah, until he bites

your sister, right? Yeah. Did you hear what I'm saying? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Fucking animals. Yeah, fuck animals, right? If there's anything we can say

to end this podcast. I love animals. Just some of them you have to know what they are. Do you know? Yeah. You can't pretend it's a fucking teddy bear. i love animals i'm just i'm just not that person that's gonna be like

fucking taking pictures with the snake at the fair you know what i mean not me bro fuck that not me one time the fair had this like a large alligator though i'll pay money to see that shit i was in thailand once and they let you take photos with tigers but it's sad because there's one way they treat you when you're with the baby tigers so if you're with the baby like you can get in this like pen where these little baby tigers are and they're little tiny tigers but everybody's like they're watching people are watching everything making sure nothing gets crazy guys have sticks and shit and then you get to like a little older tigers and they're a little more sketched out then they're like the people will block you can't take a picture sitting right next to the little tigers

you know the ones that are like 50 60 pounds you can't do that and then they get older you can take pictures with them because they're drugged up so there's tiger that's on heroin just sitting there like this and then people are taking selfies with this tiger. But if you watch that tiger, the tiger is doped up, 100% doped up. That's why you can go in there and take pictures with him. And I was like, oh, this is fucked up. Like, this is sad. That is pretty sad. Yeah, it's not like that's a pet tiger that you can trust.

No, the tiger's like, ugh. Sitting there just totally drugged up. Those tigers are going to get smart just like the wolves did one day. And one day they're going to fake the high. Or imagine if you cut the tiger off and they start jonesing. Start having fucking withdrawals. Withdrawals. Start getting really crazy.

Tigers start sucking dick for drugs. Whoa. Imagine a tiger sucking your dick. You're like, please be careful. Please. Please don't get a flashback. Oh, man. That's funny. All right, Ralph. Let's wrap this bitch up. We're don't get a flashback. Oh, man. That's funny.

All right, Ralph. Let's wrap this bitch up. We're going to do a show tonight. Have a good time at the mothership. I'm excited. You going to do Bottom of the Barrel, too? Yeah, I'll do whatever, man. I'm down.

Yeah, do Bottom of the Barrel, too. It's fun. Bottom of the Barrel is a Brian Simpson show. So you have a whiskey barrel, and the audience will write suggestions for material topics. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. It's great. It's real fun. It's real fun. Ralph, it was a pleasure. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me for material topics. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. It's great. It's real fun.

It's real fun. Ralph, it was a pleasure. Thank you, man. Thank you for having me. Appreciate you being here, man. And congratulations on everything. It's awesome to see you. Thank you.

All right. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody.