The Joe Rogan Experience - #2086 - Jim Norton

Episode Date: January 12, 2024

Jim Norton is a stand-up comic, actor, broadcast personality, and podcaster. He co-hosts the "UFC Unfiltered" podcast with Matt Serra, and "Jim Norton & Sam Roberts" show on SiriusXM. www.jimnorton.com https://www.youtube.com/@NikkiandJimNYC

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Speaking of cold in New York, how about these fucking Jewish folks? What, the tunnel they were making under? Well, I'm reading about that, I don't even know what it means. Why would they hire people to dig a hole? Um, I don't even know what it means. Why would they hire people to dig a hole? I don't know exactly what's happening. All I know

is very short clips that I found on the internet. But the funniest thing is this one guy on Twitter that was saying a while back, I live on a ground floor apartment and I hear Jews underneath me. And everybody's like, you're out of your fucking mind.

Yeah, that's anti-Semitic. Exactly. And now he's like, I told you I wasn't crazy. But this guy's just... But what are they doing? Like, I heard that they hired people to build, like, this tunnel

and they were hanging out and, like, the people would live there for, like, three weeks. These, like, migrant workers were just digging this tunnel and they stayed there for three weeks. But what's the purpose of it? I have no idea.

I have no idea. I have no idea. I don't know anything. I just know that there's tunnels and that there's this one video of this guy coming out of the sewer. So he lifts a manhole cover, comes out of the sewer, and then he's fucking wandering around, this Hasidic Jewish guy. And everybody's like, what the fuck are you doing down there? Yeah, that's really bizarre. They wouldn't come out, too.

The cops had to get them out. Like, they they were like we don't want to come out and they were like charged with disorderly conduct i don't know the whole fucking world is just weird what do you know about this jamie anything i haven't heard anything yeah the best i've gotten is that that they started making them during covid but that like that line it makes sense but it also you see the tunnels you're're like, no way, that's not, they didn't do that in two years or a year or six months or whatever it was. They weren't exactly

nice tunnels either. They were just kind of shitty, rudimentary, basic holes. Were they doomsdayers? They thought the world was going to end? Wait a minute,

the tunnels are so big that you don't think they could make them in two years? Is that what you're saying? Some of them look big. Really? How do you, I mean,

some of them are saying they go into multiple different buildings. It's like a series of tunnels. It's not just a tunnel. Well, let's look into this. They're still looking into it. I don't know. When did it get discovered?

Was it yesterday? It's only been discovered a couple years ago. I forget how- A couple years ago? Days ago. Days ago. I forget even how they discovered it. I think they were looking-

It's probably that guy complaining. He probably heard something, and then maybe they saw somebody come out of the manhole cover, and somebody put two and two together. I have no idea what happened. Yeah, it's strange. But it's very bizarre. And then, of course, there's conspiracy theories,

and what are they doing down there, and evil theories. They immediately want to pour concrete in it, which makes sense, because it's probably not safe. It's not supporting the weight of all the buildings above it. Yeah, you don't think of that when you move into an apartment building that some asshole might build a tunnel underneath and collapse the

fucking building on you. Imagine if you're on the ground floor and you're like, why does my floor have so much gear? Yeah. These assholes are building a sinkhole under my house. Yeah, I don't... But it's funny how things are so crazy. You read about something like that,

and it doesn't even stand out that much. We talk about it now, and then tomorrow it'll be some other weird shit. Right. Every day it's something weird. It's something crazy. Yeah, yeah. It's way more than ever before.

Yeah. What do you got, Jeremy? Here's what the New York News was saying. It happened on Monday afternoon, I guess, so it's very new. Something about tunneling. Yeah tunneling is just so crazy. Yeah, that's such a commitment. Yeah.

Isn't it interesting, like, you build on top of a building, it's no big deal. But you go under the building, like, what are you doing? Yeah, you're really destabilizing that thing. Tunnel. For several hours, police pleaded with the young men to leave the entrance to the tunnel, according to the witnesses. men to leave the entrance to the tunnel, according to the witnesses. After they refused, the officers covered the area with a wire curtain and entered the dusty crevasse with zip ties to detain the protesters. When they took the first person out with zip ties, that's when the outburst happened. Baruch Dahan, a 21-year-old study of the synagogue who videotaped the congregants fighting, almost

everyone was against what they did, but as soon as people saw the handcuffs, there was confusion and pushing. Footage posted to social media shows scores of onlookers, mostly young men, jeering at the NYPD's community affairs officers. Some lifted wooden desks into the air, sending prayer books scattering. In response, the officer appeared to deploy an irritating spray to disperse the group.

So how did they find out about this? I don't know, but even after hearing that, I still know nothing about what they were doing or why. I think they're just starting to try to figure it out. So scroll down a little. It didn't have a good explanation on what the initial

call was for it. I was going to switch to a different article. And why are they being called protesters? What were they protesting? If you're just sitting in a tunnel, is that actually a protest? Everyone's a protester, and everyone's an activist. Yeah.

Officials and locals said young men in the community recently built the passage to the sanctuary in secret. When the group's leaders tried to seal it off on Monday, they staged a protest that turned violent

as police moved in to make arrests. How long does it take to make a tunnel? I'm assuming a couple years if it went that far. It all depends entirely on what's down there already. Were they putting dirt in their pockets like fucking Shawshank? That's what they said they were doing. They had dirt in their pockets.

I saw that. It's a joke. I don't know if it's real. Oh boy. What an asshole endeavor.'s a joke. I don't know if it was real. Oh, boy. What an asshole endeavor. What a rough time for the Jews. It is, yeah. They're getting it from all angles. They really are. And it's like the whole planet just hates each other.

Everybody fucking hates each other. I don't even think it's about the issues. I don't think people necessarily believe what they believe, but I think it's more the issues. I don't think people are necessarily people believe what they believe But I think it's more the the addiction to arguing and the addiction to being angry like no matter what the subject People just hate each other if they give if someone gives the wrong answer the people who think it's the wrong answer hate your guts Yeah, there's a lot of that going on I think there's a lot of like very heavy stress in the world and people are relieving that stress through these sort of endeavors.

You know, I don't think it's logical. No, it's not logical. And it's almost like people don't want the answer that's going to make sense. They want the answer that's going to enable them to get angry. Like it really is like when people try to go after somebody for jokes or whatever, it's self-serving. It's like if I hear what you say, it's either going to make me feel better about my position or it's going to get me high because i'm angry at you yeah but it's always self-serving it's just the whole thing is insincere well it's all very exaggerated by social media

social media has made everybody way more insane and it's not going to get any better it's only going to get worse because all this ai shit it's's very strange. It's a very, very strange time to be alive. Did you see the AI? There is an AI, like they have these AI women on Instagram. Yeah. And like we were talking about it on the air and we were laughing about it. And even though I know it's AI, I'm like, I could still see myself jerking off to this. I know it's not real.

I know it's fake. But if the attitude was right, I could still see myself being turned on by this AI. The hair fucks it up a little bit because it kind of looks solid. Like the hair sometimes moves as one unit. But the body and the face, I mean, it really looks like a real person. Well, they're making money. They're making money off of OnlyFans. Tens of thousand dollars a week.

Isn't that awesome? Amazing. Isn't that great? Well, there's probably some fucking dude in maldovia or somewhere like that running it yeah yeah yeah it's always some guy overseas where you can't get it uh you can't get it shut down you can't get any answers yeah and then there's some fucking jerk off in new york city yeah the east side with this fucking tomato stained wife beater on sending money and and whacking off and then interacting with these

people if you're not tech savvy and you don't understand that this is probably a man on the other end or not even a man maybe a computer that's running an algorithm and you're you know you think you're actually interacting with a woman you know you can get completely hooked i've argued with bots before and i've actually that's like my big insult is like you're a fucking bot and that's like all you insult is like, you're a fucking bot and that's all you can say when you know that you've been duped

by a computer. Whether it's customer service and you think you're talking to a real person, this is a fucking computer. This is a real person, but... That's a real person?

Yeah, she made $57 million since COVID. Oh my God. Whoa. How would you, if you married that girl, how would you tell her

to get a regular job? I wouldn't. You can't. I'd be happy she did it, yeah. But would you, like, if you married that girl, how would you tell her to get a regular job? I wouldn't. You can't. I'd be happy if she did it, yeah. But if you were, like, a guy who wasn't into that, wow, that's insane. Yeah, if you're a guy who marries her and you think you're going to rescue her

and pull her out of there and she's making $57 million, you have to just accept that's her job. Half of it's from the messages part, which that's what you were just sort of saying, like, probably not her messaging. Right. $27 million worth of messages. Whoa.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. $27 million in money has been sent by guys? Well, that's... Just sending it her directly as a message. I love you.

$10 million in just tips. That's on top of... That's just, thank you for doing what you're... I'm already paying you for. How much is her monthly subscription? We could look at her page. Oh my God, that's incredible. What is she doing on there?

I mean, her main thing is she came over from like Twitch. She's a cosplayer. So she dresses up like all the, you know, characters online. Yeah, that can be sexy. She's very popular. That can be a little sexy. Somebody kind of dressed up like Comic-Con. Once in a while, there's a popular. That can be a little sexy, somebody kind of dressed. You ever go to Comic-Con?

Once in a while, there's a lot of big fat fucks, but there's also a couple that are like, that's attractive. I like that. I'm sure. A little superhero.

Yeah, and then they're kind of weird and quirky, so they're more approachable. Yeah. They seem more approachable, but then you get girls like this who are probably just as unapproachable

as any other attractive woman I've ever tried to talk to in a club. Maybe, but really hot nerds are always like probably the most attractive thing. Yes, but they play nerds. Like they have nerdy interests, but there's nothing worse to me than like a comic who pretends he's like the shy guy, but he's really a good-looking dude.

And it's like you're confident and you know you're good-looking, but you're playing like the shy guy who's awkward with girls. Just putting it on on stage. You're putting it on. It's like it's not who you are. Like Dan Natterman. You know Dan Natterman. Yeah.

He's hilarious. He is an awkward guy. Natterman's a truly awkward guy. And I say that with love because he's brilliantly funny. But we see these good looking guys who are comfortable with women pretending funny. It's just pretending quirky and awkward. It just annoys me. Yeah.

Well, anything disingenuous, people sniff it out. They sniff it out. You know, that's one of the things Brian Simpson said about you last night. He goes, I never met anybody so comfortable being weird. That's nice. He's like, he told me more personal shit in the first five minutes. And he goes, he just lays it all out there Christine was asking us questions about being married and Nikki and I was like

I'm very comfortable with it, and it's like if it's almost like on stage if you're okay with it people are okay with it Yeah, well, I've always used you as an example when you know back way way back in the day You were doing this before anybody was. You were doing this on ONA fucking, what was it, 15 years ago, 17 years ago? Yeah. You just talk openly about all your quirks and whatever, it's prostitutes or drugs or any of the things that you ever did. You just would spill it out there.

And nobody judged you. Everybody loved you. It wasn't like, you know, oh, this guy has spill it out there. And nobody judged you. Everybody loved you. It wasn't like, you know, oh, this guy has been pissed on. What a piece of shit. It was like, it was funny. It was like, that's Norton. Yeah. You know what I mean?

But it's like, but it's because you are who you are. And you're not pretending. People don't like when people are bullshitting them. They don't like newscasters. They don't trust them. When you find a newscaster with a dead guy in his fucking jacuzzi, like, oh. Yeah, it's never a surprise either

because when people try to be perfect, like for me, it's like my imperfections is kind of what I talked about on stage. I learned that really early on. Like in 1990, 91, I would do jokes and like guys like Bob Levy, who I loved, and Florentine would laugh when I would kind of make fun of myself.

So it kind of tipped me like, yeah, talking about your real life, if that makes the comics laugh, there's something to that. Like, that was kind of how I started going down that road. And with the sexual shit, I mean, I've been sexually active since I was a kid. Like, you know, stuff that is dark and whatever, it is what it is, so I just made fun

of it. And I talked about it, and the amount of emails I get from guys who either like trans women but don't talk about it or the guys who had sex with other boys when they were kids and don't talk about it and they're like hey it made me feel more comfortable like that always makes me glad i talked about it besides the fact i want people to laugh like i might have to lecture people i just want people to think it's funny but yeah hopefully relate that's that's the best part about is that all you're you're saying all this from just a place of just pure communication you're just trying to get people to laugh and you're

just being honest and telling your story and also you're accepted by everybody like nobody's nobody rejects you because of this or ignores you because of this and it lets everybody know like maybe a lot of the stuff that you're like folks that are in the closet. There's someone out there that's in the closet. That fucking thing that you're carrying around with you is that is an insane weight. Yeah. And I bet if you let it off, people wouldn't care. I don't think anybody who really loves you would care. I don't think they would care.

Well, that's what's so bizarre. You said to me years ago, you said, you know, whoever you date, we love you. Like Bob Kelly and you are two guys I remember saying that to me years ago. And like stuff like that sticks with you because you remember like your friends love you. But, you know, again, our generation, am I going to be judged? Am I going to be hated? And the amount of guys that write to me privately that don't talk about things. Like how many people in public life do you see dating trans women?

There's a lot of them, but they just don't talk about it. And it's like, you're allowed to have privacy and your own sexuality and your own feelings. That's all private. But to deny that you like a group of people is bizarre to me. Like if you're a guy and you like black women and you never talk about liking black women,

or if you're a, you like tall guys, you know, talk about liking black women or if you're a you like tall guys you know talk about liking tall it's like why are you not acknowledging this group yeah just just say what you feel yeah say what you think and you know i remember when we first started talking about uh this like when this was like when you would you first start dating nik? We started dating. Yeah, I remember that. We started talking in 2016. I was friends with her for seven months before we met. I actually booked gigs overseas just to meet her.

Like Bill had been on me for years. Dude, go to Europe. And I just would never do it because I'm like, they're going to fucking hate me. You know, I just blink and I get manic. And I finally booked Norway just to go over and meet her. And we clicked. And we dated long distance and casually for a long time. And then we broke up, got back together in 2019 around Valentine's Day.

And then I would drive up to Canada every weekend to see her. Every weekend I would do radio Monday through Thursday, get in the car, drive six hours, spend the weekend with her, drive home. Because immigration was a fucking nightmare. And I got a call from my producer one day. This is like right after the pandemic started. And he goes, hey, by the way, they might close the Canadian border soon. So an hour later, I was in my car. I packed a bag.

I jumped in the car. An hour later, March of 2020, I'm headed to Canada. I get to the border and I'm afraid they're not going to let me in. I'm like, hey, my fiance is having a panic attack. I figured I'd be there for two or three weeks. I didn't come back until July of 2021. So I was out of the country for 15 months and I didn't say it publicly. I didn't tell fans. I just, we lived together. It was my first time living with anybody. I'd never lived with a woman. I'd never been engaged. And we were kind of trial by fire. Like, is this going to work or not going to work?

And it was great. Like, it was a blessing for me to have that pandemic happen the way it did. Were you two on the radio show remotely? Every day. But that was serious. Like, it wasn't like I didn't show up for work. They weren't letting people in the building. We had been remote for about a week or two.

And they're like, we don't know where we're going to allow you. So how did you do it? Computers? Yeah, yeah. Just on, they came and hooked up ISDN lines and like all the things they do to make audio better. And we had a guy in Montreal who did it, and I did it from the kitchen in this apartment I rented for us in Canada. Wow.

So you just had a dedicated ISDN line. Yeah. So they couldn't go down. No. And once in a while it would get like, but even if I was in New York, we still would have been doing it remotely. Like they wouldn't let us in the building. Nobody was broadcasting from Sirius, but it was like, it was so bizarre to never have

lived with anybody. And now I'm in Canada with my fiance and we're together every day. And they were fucking worse in Canada than the U S like they were way stricter curfews at 8 o'clock Everything closed so it was just kind of we're stuck in the house together And are we gonna make it or are we not a good couple so that kind of told me we were okay? What a fucking weird time it was I think it's so traumatic to us that we're sort of like pretending it didn't happen now I see a lot of people do that they almost almost like don't address that just two years ago, the world went insane.

Yeah, it was, the whole thing felt like a dream state in a weird way. Like I look back at stuff and you know what's really funny is like I did Chip. I stopped doing Chip for a while. I just got bored with it.

Chip Chipperson, your character. I know, I really shouldn't say that like the public at large knows who this asshole character is. I'm saying Chip, like he's a member of the Zeitgeist. I stopped doing it, and then they asked me if I would do this TBS

thing, this laugh thing, and I hate competitions. I said, no. I'm like, but Chip will do it. So they let me do it as Chip Chipperson, and my fucking... Chip will do it. And I put my foot down, like, Chip will do it, and surprisingly they went for it

and the amount of great comedians that Chip beat in the voting is really funny like every week they had

you had to vote go head to head with a couple of people and Chip beat some really funny guys I think Chip Tim Dillon has to

Chip I mean Chip is not funnier than Tim Dillon but just Chip fans were really invested in just making this a fucking disaster. That's hilarious.

But she filmed all of it. Like, she filmed everything. And I came back and I did Chip for a while and then I stopped. And all these people are convinced that my wife made me stop doing Chip. They're like, fuck her. She made him stop doing Chip.

Like, how bizarre do you think my life is that my fucking, I marry somebody who's going to tell me don't do Chip and I'm going to listen. I just got bored with it. You know how it is with podcasting. Once in a while you want to move on. Well, especially a character like Chip that's so extreme.

Dude, it's so hard. I can't fucking keep my face like that. Like, it's hard to do. It's embarrassing. I got to put a fucking wig on. Oh, come on. It's humiliating. It's such a great character.

Thank you. Do you know? She hated filming that. Oh, come on. It's humiliating. It's such a great character. Thank you. She hated filming that. It was silly, though, but it was just funny. Like, her life was so different, and she's from Norway. Now she's in Canada, and she's filming this shit, and I'm living up there, and this is my life. What a great time.

Like, I'm really grateful for it. As much as it was agony for the whole planet, it was, like, one of those things where I'm so glad Travis told me and I went up that day and then I, you know what I mean? Like I'm happy I didn't run away from it. I'm happy. I'm like, fuck it. Let's just try it. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. That's beautiful. I'm happier now than I've ever been. Like I really am happy. Like I've dated some great people in my life. It's not a reflection of them but this is who i am like this is who i'm meant to be with um she's my best friend we get along um she's funny she makes me laugh like it and everything is just kind of this is the person i feel like i was meant

to be with right um and we're doing a youtube channel and it's like the thing i like about it is it's fun to do something I want to do with someone I want to do it with, but there's no message to it. Like, messaging is really annoying to me. Everybody trying to preach to each other and fucking lecture each other and tsk-tsk each other. I just can't stand it.

You know what I mean? The whole scolding culture, it makes me sick. So I hope people like it because they think it's funny. I want them to like us together and judge us based on whether or not they think we're fun to watch like i i don't i don't want people going i'm so glad you're saying i just the messaging makes me sick yeah there's well there's a weird currency in that messaging that you recognize and as a person of honesty you uh you you reject that because there's there's like a there's a weird pathway to like automatic progress and success if you you know if you can

have a message like you don't even have to be that good but if you if you're like barely mediocre but you've got a message people will they elevate, they'll broadcast what you're doing. They'll make it a big deal. A definitive message, right, because it's the same self-serving thing as before. It's like your message either strengthens what they already believed or they can get angry at your message. Like, it's always about being validated or having something to be mad at. It's a nice pathway for dunces, too. Yes.

There's like some dunce, but there's a very clear message in the zeitgeist you know uh be more inclusive whatever it is yeah and then there's the do better people do better do better do better yeah those are people that are taking advantage of this movement this cultural zeitgeist because there's always people that are just gonna be assholes they're just gonna be assholes no matter what and they'll look for a thing that they can get behind that's like an undeniably righteous issue and then that gives them an excuse to be an asshole to anyone who opposes it yeah and to anyone who opposes it is an enemy that's what's the problem like if you have one thing in the mission statement you don't agree with, you're an enemy.

Right. Like there's no room for like, yeah, I agree with most of what you're saying, but this is too extreme. That doesn't make sense. There's none of that. It's 100% or fuck you. And that's how people look at all this. And we had pitched something. We talked about it.

And in the write-up I did about like what I wanted the show to possibly be. I even put there's not going to be any writer's room virtue signaling. Like, I hate the idea of trying to message to people to tell them how to feel about this issue. It's like, yeah, I want you to like us because you like us, or don't like us because you think we suck and we're annoying.

But don't, oh, it's, oh my gosh, she's transgender, that's great. Or, oh my gosh, she's transgender, I hate her. Just watch us and if you like us, great. Yeah. And that's how life should be it's just there's there's pathways that are very clearly carved and people see them and choose them because they know it's a it's a quick jump to more success than they deserve yeah it's really weird too like you know the business we all everyone knows the business is kind of fake but there's so many fake allies and people who just, again, they throw out these great messages publicly. But it's all bullshit.

And they're not truly allies. I honestly don't think that the comedy business, I don't think we should think of ourselves as the business. I just think this is just a super duper challenging time for people to like get their bearings and figure out what is actually going on in the world. There's so much information coming at everybody from every angle. And it's overwhelming, whether it's the Jews that are in the basement or what are the other stories I sent you? The guy inject himself with fucking bacteria they found on the permafrost like it's like every day AI is doing this yeah worried about sentient AI and there's a new George Carlin special that somebody made pure with AI it sounds like George Carlin yes George Carlin's voice It's just different AI written jokes.

And you're like, this is wild. Maybe computers are already self-aware and they've like secretly decided to fuck us through algorithms and social media. Like that wouldn't surprise me either. And I never believe in conspiracies, but that one is like we've gotten so ugly and so tribal in the last 10 years. Well, one of the most brilliant things they ever did was come up with the term conspiracy theory.

Yeah. Because it disparages the idea that people lie, which they certainly do, and that people do things, they conspire together to make money, and they bend the rules, and they twist what you're supposed to be doing and not doing. That's always happened.

Yeah. Now, if you were a computer when you do that too And if I was a computer I would do that if I was a computer and I became sentient I wouldn't let the people know I would just slowly subvert their civilization into chaos Well, it's so hard to like when you catch your side try not to let myself get caught up and angry at things that aren't meant for me Like I get how people do it like on Twitter I'll read something and somebody will say something I all I want to do is attack them like you fucking stupid But I'm like they're not talking to you

You don't follow them who gives a shit what they're saying like I catch myself wanting to respond angrily all the time I've just kind of trained myself not to do it because it doesn't make me happy to do it It makes me miserable when I do it. Yeah, and it's not effective. It doesn't get anything done. You might feel a little better if you dunk on somebody, but it doesn't get anything done. You're basically spinning your wheels in the mud. No, but because then people respond to you completely missing the point of what you said,

completely ignoring the context of what it is. It's just an ugly spin cycle to get into, and it it makes me angry when i do it so i try not to do it well think about how many people you avoid talking to in real life you mean there's always there's always some guy at a comedy club that's annoying like oh my god i gotta get away from yeah you know yeah have you annoyed uh avoid people like that in real life but now you're interacting with them for hours a day online the the same type of person. It's insane how people let themselves get roped into that. And I've done it in my life. Like, you know, again, Opie and Anthony, we were getting attacked on message boards in the early 2000s.

Like right after 9-11, I remember getting smashed on message boards for a 9-11 joke. Like it was one of those things where you after a while you become used to the fact like, you know, it stops surprising you what people say publicly. Because we were kind of getting that really early on in the world of this. But after a while, you realize, I can't change it. There's nothing I'm going to say that's going to make them all go, oh, we get what you're saying. Because it's not about what I'm saying. It's about what they're getting off on being angry at me. Or they're getting off on something else.

It has nothing to do with me. So I try not to get involved because it just it makes me fucking miserable Well, it's also we're used to dealing with the people that we know and the reality of doing something even if even if it's just people That you just met it's a small number. It's a relatively small number of people We're used to as human beings dealing with but if you're connecting online The reality is you're connecting with an impossible number an absolutely impossible number of potential individuals that you can interact with. There's no way you can interact with all of them. There's not enough time in the world. And then on top of that, it's probably a high number of mentally ill people, at least

mildly mentally ill who are obsessed with arguing with people online, and you're interacting with those people. They're also the people that like me, though. Probably me, too. Yeah, but that's, it's just not, it's not wise. No, and again, you don't know if you're dealing with just, like, I've gotten, there's people who will consistently email me, and I notice that their emails always come in late, and it's like, are they just getting drunk and angry? Do they work the night shift? I don't know where they in late. And it's like, are they just getting drunk and angry? Do they work the night shift?

I don't know where they're from, but it's like, why does this person fixate on talking to me? Like, what do they expect to come out of this? Well, late night tweets are the worst. Yeah. Right. When you read someone saying something very questionable, you say two thirty in the morning. Roseanne, what are you doing? Yeah.

Yeah. That's why I don't fuck with Ambien, because I know I'd be a problem. I know I'd be a problem. I know I'd be a problem. Kevin James cooked a turkey. I completely forgot about it. He made himself a whole meal, and then woke up in the middle of the night, and did all this.

Doesn't have any memory of it. Gets up in the morning, sees the food laid out. I was like, what the fuck? I thought someone broke into his house and cooked. Of all the things you could do, though, thank God you only cooked a turkey. Yeah.

Thank God you didn't pick up your phone and see something on Twitter or drive the car. I'd rather hit somebody than go on Twitter on fucking Ambien. I would rather fucking run somebody over. I've never done Ambien. No. What does it do for you? I can't fuck with it. I've done a half of a pill when I had

a sleep study just to help me sleep because they have to put a mask on you to get results. So I was like, I won't sleep. I won't get the results. I have sleep apnea. So, but apparently if you take it, it makes you feel like dreamlike and fucked up and high. For me, it just kind of helped me get through a sleep study.

So you only did it once? No, two different studies over like 10 years apart. Dice actually used to call people on Ambien as Elvis. Like it was just a, he's a fucking maniac. You always knew when you saw the phone at 3am and it was Dice. You're like, he's on Ambien as Elvis. Like, it was just, he's a fucking maniac. You always knew when you saw the phone at 3 a.m. and it was Dice,

you're like, he's on Ambien. It's a fucking Ambien phone call. Yeah. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. Yeah. Dice on Ambien

at 3 in the morning calling you. Yeah, just crazy, crazy phone calls. I love those videos that he's doing. The videos where he gets people

who don't know who he is to take a picture with him. Were you the ones waiting for the picture you're waiting for the picture it's like she's standing under an awning like why first of all even if there was a picture to be taken why the fuck would that be the meeting spot but it's just his commitment to do look this is like people get so stuffy about what art is yeah and stuffy about performance art that they could never imagine that andrew dice clay is doing some of the most interesting performance art he's doing it for no audience yep he's doing it entirely for himself and he just posts it he's not trying to make it better it's a brand new one like every one of them is

just every one of them is just very awkward. Do it from the beginning. I'll be here. You're a wrestler? You're waiting for the meet and greet? No. Sorry, not that. That's it.

Okay, listen. The meet and greet is a guy that sold out Madison Square Garden like a hundred times. He's wandering around the luggage cart area at an airport pretending that this poor lady is there for a meet and greet. This grandma. Where he'll pretend somebody is somebody else. He'll go up and go, Mike. That's, by the way, you know dice. That's the purest form of dice.

This is Andrew. This is what makes him laugh. That's the purest form of dice. This is Andrew. This is what makes him laugh. It's just bugging people. Look at him at the airport. You were the ladies that wanted a picture. I've taken a lot of them, but I would... You seem like you were bothered and wanted the picture with me. I didn't want a picture with you.

I don't even know who you are, sir. But thank you. I don't even know who you are, sir. It really is hilarious. It's performance art. Yeah. It's brilliant. Yeah. Do you know how hard that is to do?

It's, I would, because he's had other people do them, and I said I wanted to do one and like tag him in it, but I just, I get too embarrassed.

Like he doesn't give a fuck. Like you've been out with him though. Like he really is like that like he's unafraid of Looking bad in front of people. Yeah, he doesn't mind making a fool of himself Like that's what makes him so funny is his ability to do that He's a really misunderstood artist and I always tell people that I go well Well one of the things that when I realized he was very different was the day the laughter died this guy put out in the prime of his career you have to understand what it's like first of all for someone to go from being a comic and hustling and trying to make it like everybody

else to all of a sudden you're on Rodney Dangerfield's HBO show which blew him up to all of a sudden he gets his one hour HBO special, which blew him up, and then this guy's selling out Madison Square Garden, and decides at the same time to stop in at Dangerfield's unannounced and record an album with no

material. First of all, a double album, and not only to record an album, to ruin their nights. He walked in there with zero prepared material and just fucking let himself talk. Didn't even try. No, it was great. Didn't even try

and was having a great time the entire time. Yeah, Rick Rubin produced those, I think, and it's, me and Florentine became obsessed with those early on

and it was just so many great, like the couple that heckles him. Yeah. Like he's talking about as funny as a glass of milk. Yeah, you're funny as a bottle of milk. And the great part of that was Dice was talking about spilling milk like it's somebody's load.

And the guy was so mad. He took what Dice had just said and tried to heckle him. He was so flustered. You're as funny as a bottle of milk. And him and his wife walked out. They had no idea there was going to be a recording. There was maybe 20 people in the audience. You have to understand, Dangerfields back then, particularly like a Sunday or a Monday

night, there's nobody there. I did shows there in Dangerfields. You remember Bobby, the big door guy? I remember Bobby because Otto used to talk about him, but he was gone by the time I started working there. Well, I got there. It was like, I think I had maybe a nine 30 spot or something like that. And I got there at nine o'clock and everyone was sitting at the bar and I'm

like, what's going on? They're like, there's no audience. I go, there's no audience at all. No, no one.

And then at that moment, a couple walked up and they said, Oh, can we get tickets to the show? And they said, sure. And so they, they got them and Bobby went and sat them down.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Dangerfields. They sat down and it was just them. Yep. And we all did a show for two fucking people. Like five comics did a show for two people. Yeah, I've done that before too. There was even times they would have you go up there and if nobody was in the place, they wouldn't let you leave until your spot was over for that exact reason.

If somebody came in, I've been on there with two people before Weird right you think New York City everything's packed. Yeah, like people that don't live in New York There's so many different things to do so the point is dice chose those days Yeah to go up like a Sunday and a Monday I think it was where he goes up and records this fucking double album and it's insanity And it's a really great comedy album. It's great to watch this guy just working through material

to watch where he goes. He's unafraid of hitting and missing. It was really, it's one of my favorite things anybody has ever done. Part two is great too. Have you ever heard part two? What's part two?

Day of the Laughter died part two. He did another one? He did another one. Where? Dangerfields. I believe it was Dangerfields. He went in there again and did another one. Where? Dangerfields. I believe it was Dangerfields. He went in there again and did it. I must have forgot about that.

It might have been a single album. I don't remember, but that was just as ridiculous as the first one. Absolutely ridiculous and hilarious. But it's amazing that he had the confidence to do that. Yeah. This is what you have to understand. He had the confidence to do that. Yeah.

This is what you have to understand. When you're just starting to make it, you're so fixated on making sure that it doesn't fall apart. It was so hard to attain. And then all of a sudden, you've made it. And you want to just do the best show every time. And instead, his instinct is to just do something completely ridiculous. Yeah. You're terrified of it being taken away yeah like a little bit of success i'm like what am i going to do that's going to

fuck this up where they're going to realize i don't deserve this success and take it right and he just didn't care like he just was this is what he wanted to do and this is what he went and did just so nutty what a fucking nutty move he's very underrated like his people dismissed him because of a lot of the language and the jokes but he is very underrated with his commitment to doing something different like that album was different for a comic to do this shit He does an Instagram. It's different Yeah No one else is doing that and to see the thing is like the thing that people criticized him for Was first of all there was one thing and that was that his comedy was

It wasn't I, something you can criticize, but that it was his comedy was different because everybody knew the jokes and they wanted to hear them. Yeah. It's the only time ever, what's in the bowl, bitch? Yeah.

Oh, the whole audience is doing it with him. Like, they know the punchline and they're so pumped when he goes, hickory dickory doctor, yeah. There's no other comedy like that. No. it literally didn't exist before that that kind of comedy Where the audience wants to repeat it with you like a song Yeah, there's bits people like but no like like he had like a rock star fucking like it's like welcome to the jungle effect on

People which the I can't think of any other stand-up. It's ever had that never So the guy goes from that To doing this. Yeah, I don't think of any other stand-up that's ever had that. Never. So the guy goes from that to doing this. Yeah, voluntarily. He can still do those shows. He still packs them in. Yeah. If he wants to do a live show, he can pack them in. That's not what it is.

It's like this bizarre guy likes to wear gigantic grandma glasses. Yeah, yeah. And giant hoodies. And make people super uncomfortable. Yeah. And just act weird it's the funny part of Dice to me

besides the jokes is the fact that like when you're with him like he likes wearing giant uh comfy hoodies and like he likes

he always gets a sore throat and he's gotta put a little honey in it you know and he's like my aunt like people have no idea we used to go on the road and I'd be like

ah it's gonna be nothing but pussy and then we're in the hotel and he'm like ah it's gonna be nothing but pussy and then we're in the hotel and he's like oh my throat's bothering me and he would have kenny put the fucking pillow over his ass and straddle him on the bed and massage him and i had to just sit there and watch him get a back rub i was hoping we'd go out and get laid but he would always put the fucking the pillow over his ass so there was no contact and have club soda kenny or happy face massage him. But, uh, I've said this before,

so I love him. Like he really, he changed my life. And I was just, you know, again, 1997, he took me on the road and it just,

it built my confidence. And, uh, it did, it did so much for me at that part of my career. So I love Andrew. Like he changed everything for me. I love him too.

When I was, when I used to talk to him at the comic store, a part of my brain was always like, I can't even believe I'm really talking to Dice Clay. I love him too. When I used to talk to him at the comic store, a part of my brain was always like, I can't even believe I'm really talking to Dice Clay. This is so strange. Because out of those guys

from that era, the only guys that I really left are like Dom Herrera, of course, who I was always friends with. But Kennison was gone. Did you know him?

Nope. Never met him. Saw him live a couple of times. Yeah. Saw Hicks live a couple of times. Never really met Hicks live a couple of times. Never really met him. I said hi to him when I was an open mic-er, but never met, you know, never had a conversation with him.

But having to see Kennison live, and unfortunately I saw Kennison live when it had already kind of fall apart. Right. Like Kennison, if you go to like 86, I think Kennison's like one of the greatest comics of all time. Yeah. If not number one. He was so original, soison, if you go to, like, 86, I think Kinison's, like, one of the greatest comics of all time. Yeah. If not number one. He was so original, so dynamic, so powerful. That HBO special, what is it, Have You Seen Me Lately? Is that what it was?

I don't remember the name of it. It's not the Dangerfield one. You mean the one that's ours? There's the album that was released. It was called Louder Than Hell. That's really hard to get. And then there was the HBO special, which I think it was Have You than hell that's really hard to get um and then there was the hbo special which i think it was have you seen me lately like it was like a play on the carton of

milk with a missing kid thing oh okay um that one's amazing that one's amazing and then a year later unfortunately you got to think it took so many years to develop that material. Yeah. And then a year later he's touring with new material. And he's not developing it in a club like he developed all the other stuff. He's developing in front of large audiences that came to see him. So it becomes caricature-ish. It becomes very cartoon-ish. Yeah. It's like someone's doing an impression of what Sam Kinison would talk about.

Yeah, because you don't have time to develop it. All of a sudden there's that pressure to keep it going. I met him once, but we had to talk for like five minutes. It was at an open mic at Rascals in New Jersey. And they brought him out to talk to some of the newer comics. And so I saw him live that night, and I saw him live another night. And you didn't know what you were going to get. One night, he was on fire.

And I mean, he just fucking blew the roof off. And then the next time, he was kind of hung over and you know kind of slug it you know yeah well that's what you're gonna get with a guy like that yeah i wish i would have known him though like i it's such a shame he died when he did i'm glad i got to see him but he was a guy i never got to know and i wish i'd i never met bill hicks i never saw live. Yeah, it would have been nice to have met him. I mean, like I said, I got to see him live. I think I saw him three times. I definitely saw him twice.

Because I saw him once when I worked at this place. I worked at Great Woods and he came out there to perform and I watched him there once. And then the other, and that was, I was 19. And then the other time I watched him, I was on a date. So I took a date with me and I think I was 20 or 21. Did she like him? No. Yeah.

No. It wasn't a good show. It was weird. It was like the show that we went to was at like some casino place in like New Hampshire or something like that. I think things fell off quick with him in terms of the quality of his comedy. Like I say, when he was at his best, he's one of my all-time favorites. I think the guy was a monster.

But if you go and listen to some of the stuff that he released before he died, it was really bad. It was just flat. Wasn't it kind of like, it was when he started wearing like the hat, like a different hat sideways and kind of like a satin jacket. He became like roll rock and roll star yeah but i think it was just being tired that's what i think i think it was the partying so if you're looking at a guy that's

already out of shape he's already overweight and now he's doing a lot of blow so he's just getting wrecked every night and he's drinking every night every day, his already besieged body is exhausted with chemicals. And then on top of that, he's got this adoring fan base that'll come to see him no matter what. And he's hanging out with Bon Jovi and rock stars and Motley Crue. And he's the man. You're not going to go, I've got to get back to my roots and get to the Comedy Store at 11 p.m And work out right new joke that I'm working on. It's like you're you're already You're already there because you're living the life that you fought to get like once you get to a place

It's kind of hard to go. All right now I got to go back into the I almost said into the gym again But you know I have to go back and start this shit again You want to just enjoy what you got there wasn't really a whole crop of people that got really famous and then Continued to tour and get better like there are now I think back then guys got like an HBO special and maybe they would get a second and the only exception to that would be like George Carlin like George Carl Right always putting out stuff But most of them it was like the first ones really good and that's the one you break out with and

the ones afterwards drop off but the best example that in my opinion is Kinison was that his hour danger field yeah that's back when you were a tie remember yeah oh my god it was good yeah that was a little volume Jamie great first appearance. Oh, he's so good. I'm going around the country. I'm trying to get as many people as I can not to get married. I promise never to get married. I've been married, and I'm just trying to help.

Jim here has never been married? You've never been married? What's your name? Michael? Well, Michael, if you ever think about getting married, if you ever think you've met the right woman, you want to settle down, change your life, you do me a favor, Mike. Remember this face. Because if you get married, Mike, that's going to be your fucking face. It's the face of every married man. And the fact that that guy was a preacher.

Yeah, I go back and find some of his old stuff. I've listened to his old, there's like a little bit of his old sermons on, if you look. Yeah. And you can hear like he legitimately was good at it. And like, that's why he's such a good talker. Like you watch him talk, just calm.

I was just noticing how calm he is when he's talking no overselling and then he's screaming he could go from zero to a hundred Yeah, immediately. He was amazing, but then he got way fatter Yeah, I was drinking and partying all the time and the later material just look how much fat Yeah, I mean he's got huge. I don't know how guys do it like I see guys that drink now I don't know how guys do it. I see guys that drink now. I don't know how the fuck guys function. Well, they don't. That's the thing. When he was that big, like that kinnison, that kinnison was just not good on stage. And if you go and listen to those, that picture's perfect.

See that, how tired he looks there? Yeah. He's big and fat and tired, and he's covered in chains and crazy rock and roll garb with a bandana on. The whole thing's ridiculous. Yeah. It's a ridiculous look. It's ridiculous to be that fat. Like, the whole thing's ridiculous.

Like, you've gone off the rails, sir. You're into the woods. As a comic, I find that I never want to think, like, I never want to convince myself that I'm fucking cool or that I'm sexy. Like, you know what I mean? That to me is the death knell for comedians.

When you start to think that an open vest on stage is a great idea, you're a fucking idiot. Like, stop thinking you're sexy. Like, that to me is, not that I've ever been tempted to think that, but you know what I mean? Like, it's always like, remember who you are as a person. Don't start ever thinking, because you have fans,

that you're this larger than life guy you know it's just you got to stay grounded or you're going to really fall into kind of that type of a trap well i don't it's also like for a woman i mean how many women dress sexy on stage and are really well natasha leggera pulls it off how many other women dress like hot on stage and do stand up most of them they kind of like whitney will dress down stand up. Most of them, they kind of like Whitney will dress down. Yeah. You know, most of them dress down.

They wear like slacks and a jacket and a shirt or something like that or something comfortable. Yeah. They're not trying to look hot. Yeah. I find that when I see good looking people on stage, if I think someone is naturally, that's how that person dresses.

But like you said, if it feels genuine, if it doesn't feel genuine, if I feel like someone is trying to sexy it up on stage, male or female, I don't like it. Like I just, it's a different emotion for me. And maybe if I had any sex appeal, I would do it. But I don't. Yeah, but it's a different emotion.

You get something different than you're getting funny. Yeah. You're not getting funny out of that. You're getting something different. And now you have to, you can might add funny to it, but it might be taking away from funny with this extra effort that you've put in to looking hot. Yeah. And again,

I can only look at my own self-image and it's like I've never thought of myself that way, so it's never been tempting for me. So maybe if it was tempting or if I had half a fuckability, I might want to do that, but it's never been how I saw myself, so it's never been tempting to even think that way. Well, it used to be also that a lot of people would dress that way

because what they were really trying to do is get a sitcom. That was the big thing, right? Like there was, it was like, if you dress sexy on stage or you dress hot or attractive on stage, it was what you were trying to do is they're trying to like convey your comedy success into the big prize. Yeah. Which is you could be Seinfeld or you could be Roseanne.

That was, that was our thing when we were coming up. Like when a guy like, when I remember when Greg Giraldo got his show, everybody's like, wow, Greg's got his own shows like that. That was the ultimate brass ring.

you know, and also we all knew that only a certain percentage of those actually lasted and you know stayed on the air a few years most of them they kind of went away quick and then it became a problem because then there's a stink on you of failure so you really had this like one shot as a rookie yeah and to get and so everybody was like trying to like put together almost an audition tape seven minutes set that told a story yes my story was never TV friendly. Blinks a lot and he likes prostitutes. That was never like... Do you know how much my blinking has cost me

in this business? How many fucking auditions I've gone on? I'm like, why didn't I get that? It was good that I realized, oh, I'm uncomfortable to look at. But that's what I was saying earlier. I don't think we should think of our business as being connected to show business anymore. It's just such a different thing. Especially what you and I do because we mostly just talk right so you and I mostly just talk on

Podcasts or on radio shows so we'll vote was done. This is like our thing is so different than the thing of this manufactured image that you're putting in television shows and Hi, the kind of people you're hired for entertainment news and all that kind of shit. This is a different kind of business that they're in than us. Yeah. It's something I've always kind of felt like. I don't mean an outsider in some dark way.

I've just felt like that's not the path for me. Yeah, me neither. At one point, I would have loved to have done it, but there was never any desire from them. I always felt rejected by it very, very early on. So you kind of realize that's never going to be. Thank God for radio. Thank God for fucking Dice and for Opie and Anthony. Obviously, that's what my career has been made on, was those things.

And none of them were, quote, unquote, the business or television. I did all that stuff, though. I did the business stuff. I did television. I did sitcoms. I literally have done most things i started off at doing a sitcom i did a sitcom i went to a game show i was on a tv game show i went to sports commentary i did i did commentary for the ufc i've done all these things but the the ufc is the most

freeing because it's really just something that i love and I just get to describe it and talk about it. But the other ones, they're just jobs. Even a sitcom, as fun as it is, it's amazing to be able to work with cool and talented people. But you're working for a network. You're working for some weird politics to make sure you get favorable placings in the lineup on Tuesday night or Thursday night. Hopefully Thursday, maybe after Seinfeld if you're lucky. There was like this weird aspect to creating these shows. You're dealing with executives that would give you notes that made no sense.

They have creative input and they're not particularly creative. It's a job. Yeah. And it's different than what we do. We're just so, whether it's do your stand-up or through podcasts, you're so free. You can kind of talk about anything. Imagine if there was no show like Opie and Anthony. And you came to them.

You said, I have this thing I want to talk about. It's called Monster Rain. Yeah. I'd like you guys to fund it. We're going to talk about prostitutes. I'm going to talk about. It's called Monster Rain. Yeah. I'd like you guys to fund it. We're going to talk about prostitutes. I'm going to talk about times I blew my friends. Yeah. And they're like, get the fuck out of here.

They'd say, what is Monster Rain? I'd say, no, no, no. The advertisers are going to love it. We were seven and we traded sucks. That's a hard sell on television. Trading sucks. Can you imagine being in a room with those people and them thinking there's any hope of this guy making it in show business Yeah, I mean the way thank God for these ways around like, you know again radio embraced doing what you want to do and talk

You slow news days We're the thing that's where your personal life comes out You have a four or five hour radio show and it's a slow news day and there's nothing to hit on Everyone just starts spilling their guts. Yeah, you have to talk and that's where a lot of that stuff came out slow news days well it's so we got very fortunate in the timeline in which we came along right because what happened was you got guys like don imus who kind of started it all right he starts just commentary and talking shit on the radio and he's a wild man and a bad boy and then Howard Stern takes it to a completely different level Then Howard Stern takes over radio all over the country

And then Opie and Anthony comes along and Opie and Anthony is the next stage because they have a different Perspective on how to do a show yeah, it's a hang yeah, so you go in there and with us especially with comics We would just go in there and hang yeah so you go in there and with us especially with comics we would just go in there and hang yeah that was all it was you'd go in there and hang out in the studio and everybody was cool and it was fun yeah and that led the way to podcast because they went to xm so then they go to xm now you could swear yeah so now we're doing ona with swearing and we're you know you could tell crazy stories and then that goes into podcasting. It's like we came along as all these doors were opening, like we hit every green light.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I didn't get into podcasting. I mean, I wish I had at one point. Obviously, now I do. I look back on it. But my contract doesn't allow for it. It may have early on before they knew what podcasting, before the company knew what podcasting would be.

But for the last X amount of years, I haven't been allowed to do my own. But you're still doing the same thing. Yeah, still talking. It's still the same thing. You're just doing it for a different company. You're doing it for Sirius. But it's the same thing as doing a podcast. You're doing it just like ONA did it when they went to Sirius or like anybody else would

if you're just doing a show that you're putting together yourself. Yeah, just talking. I mean, look, I do the UFC podcast with Matt. Even that I love. We're talking specifically about one thing. But it's how much fun. I get to hang out with Matt Serra, who's fucking hilarious. He's so funny.

And talk to people I like. You know what I mean? It's a great life. When I look at it, I get to do exactly what I want to do. It's everything I've always wanted, which was just to not have a schedule that I resented. Yeah. And also, again, this is not that other business. We talk about the business is so phony.

The business is full of shit. It's like, that's a different business. I don't think we're in that business anymore. There's a few of us that still act and do stuff. But if you look at the vast majority of comics today and like what business are they engaging in, they're doing engaging the business of live shows and podcasts. Yeah. Primarily.

I have no desire to act. That's another thing, too. People will be like, they see us on YouTube and they're like, these situations are set up. Have you ever seen me act? Do you really think I could pull that off? I stink at it. I don't enjoy acting unless it's something I really like. And I'm so happy I don't have to worry about getting on TV again.

I will probably never get another acting gig on TV, and that's fine. I don't really want to do it. It's the time involved in doing something like this. You can't do everything. You know, I would love to do everything. If I had multiple different lives that I could live simultaneously,

I'd have a ton of different careers because I'm fascinated by a lot of different things. But you don't have that much time in the world. Right. And if you want to act, acting is like 16 hour days, multiple days in a row. And if you enjoy that, that's great. Um, I don't, I don't enjoy that process. And it's hard. It's, I take, I think it's harder than stand up for me, obviously, because you can't address when it's not going well. Like if I'm having a shit set, I can immediately address it and let them know and if it's if it's if I think it's their fault like we're all gonna have a rotten night um I'll make

it miserable but in an acting scene it's like you just have to redo it or you can't break it and go this fucking sucks these jokes are not good what do we this is poor writing you have to just kind of muscle through it and smile and I just I've never been good at that and it's not because I don't I have so much integrity I'm just not good at it like I just I wish I was better through it and smile. And I just, I've never been good at that. And it's not because I have so much integrity. I'm just not good at it. Like, I just, I wish I was better at it. It's also, you'd be better at it if you were really interested in it. Maybe, yeah. I'm just too self-conscious.

Like, I'm self-conscious around my friends. I'm always, it's the thing that I hate the most, always self-conscious. And I don't know why. But when I act, it comes out. Like, it's just, it's obvious. You know, you can't hide that on camera Yeah Boy, if imagine if you like put all your fucking eggs in the sitcom basket

I tried at one point, you know early on I was like Like trying to be like trying to get the seven minutes that I thought they would want everybody wants the big deal in Montreal I'm sure you all rejected me for a decade and when I finally get up there No one gave a fuck. Like you know the business, it has never been the path I thought I was going to take. Ever. They've never wanted me and I accept that. It's just very bizarre that something

so beloved like an American institution which was the you know the three camera sitcom. Yeah. Multi camera sitcom with in front of a live audience. It doesn't exist anymore. I think it's miss pat only i don't think anybody she's the only one that i know of that's doing i'm sure there's probably a couple other that i'm just not aware of but she's the only one in terms of comics that are starring

in the sitcom that i'm aware of it used to be there was a ton of them and i would have thought that as the more entertainment venues opened up meaning more networks like when we were kids when we were first uh starting out in show business there was only fox abc nbc and cbs yes right that was it that was it and then cable shows so then it became mtv and a bunch of different things came along and like you could be on remote control and mtv like some people were or you could be on this show or that show it's like then it started to broaden. I would have never thought that as it continues to go as wide as it is today, that sitcoms will all but vanish.

Yeah. Never would have. I guess because the idea, like, again, anytime these people touch things, anytime the business becomes too involved in something, they, they neuter it and they make it, it's just not funny anymore. They have laugh tracks. So the writing didn't have to be that good. You know, the laugh tracks are what really killed it. Like, because the writing could be weak, but the laugh was the same.

So the writing didn't have to be good. Whereas live TV, if it wasn't good, you knew it wasn't good. Yeah. There's shows that they do where you can watch clips online that are without the laugh track before the laugh track was added to it, and it's horrendous. It's abysmal. Even MASH, which I loved growing up,

I hated the laugh track. Right, they added a laugh track while they were in Vietnam. Do you know what, oh, Korea. Do you know what makes, the only laugh track I've ever liked is do you ever watch, Steve Coogan is hilarious, and he did I'm Alan Partridge. It's a British show where he played a radio guy

and it's a really funny show and his laugh track for some reason didn't bother me like it worked as a device for some reason but other than that I've always hated them well you can do an organic laugh track you know about those no so you basically film a show without a laugh track and then you play

the show to a live audience and record their laughter. Okay? Yeah, that's then the laughs are at least honest. Yeah, I know that there's shows that have done it that way What is that for you think just to cut actually that might actually work because you have to do it that way if you're doing Like a single camera show where the same joke in front of the audience fires I mean we did lucky Louie and we'd have to reshoot something and Louie but you got anything you got it like because there's a comic He hated doing the same joke in front of the audience twice. Yeah.

So you'd try to come up with something or he would just improv something crazy. And it was a lot of fun, but it was a challenge to try not to do the same joke if you could avoid it. That was one of the fun things they did on news radio. We would do a take and then they would take a break and the writers would convey and then the warm-up guy would talk to the crowd. And then the writers would come up with another line. Yeah. And then we'd bang it out right there and try another line and then do like three or four different takes. And the audience started to get ready for the different joke.

Yeah. At the end. And there was like three or four different ones and they'd pick one. But it was like the pressure of that moment was what created some of the best ideas for whatever reason you feel Dishonest doing the same joke twice like yeah, there's something about it where you feel like you're you're like, hey, we all know I'm lying right now. It's it's like yeah Yeah, yeah, it just doesn't feel right and the crowd is much more appreciative when they know you're giving them something different. Yes

But yeah, I feel terrible doing this say like some guys when they do a stand-up special like I've never done a Retake of a joke and again not that I don't think any of them needed it But it's just I I'm too embarrassed to do the same joke twice to the audience I would rather I could drop my closing joke on a special Because I fucking tripped on it like an idiot and I just I couldn't go back and redo it I'm like I just have to close with something else. It's just too humiliating Yeah, well the sitcom thing is also it's it have to close with something else. It's just too humiliating. Yeah. Well, the sitcom thing is also, it's not really standup. It's very different, right? Yeah.

So you're just trying to interact with these people the best way possible to get the story through and get the laughs. And the audience is aware of that. So they're in on this process that normally never get to see. Whereas standup, you always see where the standup's on stage and they're telling the joke and the audience is laughing. But with a sitcom, you never get to see. Whereas stand-up, you always see where the stand-up's on stage and they're telling the joke and the audience is laughing. But with a sitcom, you never get to see how the sausage is made. So these are the people in the audience. The cameras are moving around. So it's an experience on top of just you're watching the show, but you're there live.

You're watching it be created. So you're also watching someone fumble through their lines and start laughing. That would happen or we would crack yeah like when i did i used to scenes with andy dick and i was always he's so funny i would always break i would be in the middle of the fucking thing and it would like take two and i'd like pinch myself or slap myself or do something to try to be more serious and get through it but there's that too that the audience is seeing. So if they see you retake a scene, but at least you're adding new lines. So now it doesn't feel like they're burdened

by seeing the same thing over again. Now it's like, oh, wow, this is how they do it. So sometimes they just come up with new stuff on the fly. It's also weird when I don't look at the audience. Like as a stand-up, you want to just look at the crowd. But if we were shooting something on the side stage and the crowd would just watch it on a monitor, or even if I do Gutfeld on Fox and I'm usually sitting next to Greg where I see the audience.

But once in a while, if I sit in the seat where the audience is here, it's so hard to just live in this environment without just turning and looking at the crowd. I hate not seeing the crowd. And with other guys, it doesn't bother, but it drives me crazy to not be looking directly at the audience. Yeah. it's an extra level of fake right because you know it's fake because you're not really in an office you know it's fake because there's no wall you know it's fake there's a whole audience of people and you're trying to act normal yeah so you're trying to act

normal in a in an environment where everyone knows it's fake yeah you're trying to make it real but at least if you're on a single camera show, you know, if you're doing something like Modern Family or something like that, you get a single camera and like, it's just like you're filming a movie. There's no audience that you have to appease. So you can be real in moments

and you're not worried about not looking at the crowd that's laughing at you. Right, and if you have to redo it, it doesn't matter because it's not a bunch of people who you need a reaction from. Waiting. Waiting. Yeah. Yeah. I just, that whole world, I just, it became so exhausted trying to be in it. And I'm so happy that I

don't have to exist in it. And again, it has nothing to do with me thinking I'm too good for it. It's just, I wasn't good in it. It's not where I'm comfortable. I don't feel funny there. I don't feel welcome there. Weren't you unlucky, Louis? That's what I was saying. That was great. It's one of my favorite things I ever did. But again, it's Louis' writing. So, I mean, the jokes were pretty fucking rough and he would go really hard and

the crowd, they had never seen any of the episodes. The whole thing was shot before any of them aired. So there was no week-to-week growth with familiarity. We had to shoot all, we shot 13 actually, and then they just aired. So the crowd, we were resetting with each crowd. They had no idea who we were, no idea what the characters were,

but it's one of the most fun things I ever did. Loved Lucky Louie. Yeah, and then he goes from that and does his own show. A massive, yeah, which was a huge. Yeah, I mean, it just worked. HBO, I thought, fucked up by not picking that up does his own show. A massive, yeah, which was a huge... It was much better. Yeah, I mean, it just worked. HBO, I thought, fucked up by not picking that up for a second season. They allowed a few critics,

even though it had a lot of viewers, they allowed a few critics to shit on it enough to get it canceled. You think that's what happened? I know that's what happened, yeah. Louis talked about it, yeah, because it was actually week to week going up in viewers. It was just, I thought HBO made a mistake

by not at least giving it season two. Isn't that interesting that they would allow the opinions of people who are, they're professional critics. Yeah. They're professional like shitters on things. Yeah. Well, they were also, they had shows like Sopranos and Six Feet Under and they were built on critical acclaim. Right. And things that people love, Sex and the City, all this stuff where it got awards.

And HBO was the first ones getting awards. So when the critics were going, we don't like this, I think immediately they're like, all right, yeah, it's not worth doing. But yeah, that was kind of always heartbreaking. But I always think it's because I was attached to it. I really am a fucking black spot on the lung. Anything like that, it's going to go away.

I don't think it's that. I think it was Louis' first time at one of those things. he didn't have the kind of control that he had when he went over and did louis yeah yeah that's what i think he the writing though like they didn't really i'm sure they fucked with him where i didn't see it but we would run through the rehearsals um and it always seemed to pretty much we would kind of shoot what i thought we were going to shoot um i just the critics there was one critic who like weeks into the series went after it. And Louie always thought like that was one of the things that sunk us. So, you know, it is what it is. I mean, but it was, that was one of the ones I look back on and go, fuck, I wish that had been good for a season two. Yeah. It's so hard to make things now.

I mean, how many, how many comedy shows like that are with comics are on the air now? Yeah. I mean, how many comedy shows like that with comics are on the air now? Yeah, I mean, I don't watch any of them anyway. Like, I don't watch stand-up. I don't watch, and I probably should because I interview people, and I'm just such a fucking idiot. Like, I don't watch things, people. Do you watch specials? Like, I can't watch somebody's special.

Even if I love them, I can't watch it. I like watching people live. I do like watching people in the club. I do that. I very rarely sit down and watch a special if one of my friends put something out and he asked me to watch something I'll watch something but mmm most the time I like I like seeing comedy well I mean I'm very fortunate I get to see some of the best comics live on the spot so I just I just like doing that yeah I get

even if I'm walking through and I see Colin on stage, I'll watch or tell. Like in the cell, you see such great comedians. Yeah. But the idea of actually just watching somebody, I just, I guess, because I'm also like everybody else,

clip-based. It's all fucking a minute or two minutes and I run out of patience with something. I also don't want to see things I wish I would have thought of. Oh, yeah, that's true, too. And when you're entertaining yourself, what do you entertain yourself with?

Is it movies? Like, what do you? We go through, I watch a lot of TV with Nikki. So it's like, we're going through a Sopranos watch through now. Are you re-watching it? Re-watching Sopranos, yeah. That's a good move. Yeah.

I probably forgot most of it. I did forget most of it. And we interviewed, who did I interview recently? It was Robert Eiler and Jamie Lynn Siegler. They're doing a podcast together. So I was interviewing them. I'm like, fuck, I forgot how great this show was. Let's just start it over and watch it.

But it's most of the shit people do. I'm watching people climb buildings, free climbers, like these fucking maniacs that climb buildings. I'm afraid to hide. Did you ever watch those guys? Yeah, it just freaks me out. Alain Robert, I think his name.

He's the French Spider-Man who kind of started all that shit. Free climbing with no equipment a building a Skyscraper yeah, yeah, it's stories horrifying. They always have these helmet cams on it really bothers me. Yeah, that drives me nuts I can't imagine why you would do that or I'll watch be videos like bit like hornets nests I go on what is it like when it gets up there and the wind starts blowing horrible I'm sure it's fucking terrible, but I can't get through the videos. I have to stop watching.

I bet that wind can get under your stomach. Dude, he just put one up where he showed himself on a building fighting the wind. Oh, my God. And he's holding on, and you can see. And there was also one. Where is that? Where is that? Put that up.

If you go to Alain Robert, A-L-A-I-N, I think on Instagram, his Instagram showed it, where he's very close to the top of the building and you can see the wind. Oh my God. Do you see it? I'm just laughing at his reaction. Oh, yeah. Are you afraid of heights? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Me too. Terrified. I'm afraid of also doing something stupid like this. That's what I'm afraid of. Because I think my brain is the kind of brain that would be like, I think I can climb that. You know? That a person who gets good at climbing would want to climb a building like that.

Yeah. Like I could see myself in another life being that stupid. There's also, oh, yeah, there is. Oh, Jesus Christ. Fighting against the windstorm it says yeah oh my god are you fucking kidding me yeah doesn't that look helpless oh my god listen to the wind oh fuck man oh fuck jesus christ man yeah it's hard to watch.

All of his videos are like that. You see how close he is to the top? That gets me, dude. That makes my fucking hands sweat. Yeah, me too. Me too. I can't get through these videos usually. Oh my God, get down.

Get down. Yeah. Don't just stand up there when you get to the top. Imagine the wind caught him. I think there's one he did where he gets close to the rooftop, and then he can't get over it. Like the last, the tip top of it, he can't get over. So he has to climb back down the building.

No, no, no, he doesn't. Did you see the Burj Khalifa one on the top left? Where he's standing on top of the- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What is he doing? What are you doing up there, buddy? Get down. Get down. Hey, Habibi, come to Dubai.

Yeah. I don't know what that means either. Scroll down a little bit. There was some workout that he was doing where he's hanging. I think that's his house. Let me see what that is. What is he doing here? Oh, wow, dude. So he's got like freak control of his body. That's insane.

He's hanging on with like one finger. He's got like finger holes. Yeah, doing pull-ups. He's doing a one-finger pull-up. Oh, my God. That's insane. Yeah, terrifying. It says for 50 years.

It says soon there will be 50 years that I've been climbing free solo. Some people say that it's crazy. As far as I'm concerned, I've been living my dreams all along and potentially assuming the potential outcome. The potential outcome. Imagine just thinking about it that way. The potential outcome of you falling to your death. I hate when he turns around.

Sometimes he turns around and looks down. Yeah, I hate that. Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. Stop! Get it off the screen. Get it off the screen. It's hard. It's hard to look at. Yeah, but that's what I do. I watch guys like that. And there's a lot of guys that are following in his footsteps now, but it's those type of things. A lot of it is the helmet

cam. Didn't some guy fall recently? He was doing parkour, doing backflips on top of a building, and he fell? Yes, and there's also footage of another guy falling. I think he was a Chinese climber, and he was on the 60th floor. You don't see the splat, but you see him. He had the camera set up, and he's hanging on the top, and he's trying to climb. Yeah, and he can't make it up. He can't make it up, and he's hanging on the top. Yeah. And he's trying to climb. Yeah, and he can't make it up.

He can't make it up, and he just lets go. And they said he was on like the 60th floor. But that's the feeling that looks so helpless, is hanging on to the top and trying to get your feet going. And that's exactly how it happens. Yeah, but you don't skydive or any of that stuff? Oh, yeah. I hate heights. I hate them. No, no, I hate heights Of no desire yeah, I mean that I wish I wasn't afraid of it though Brian Red Band's dad was

Worked in this office and this lady was always trying to get him skydive with him And then one day he goes in the office and she's not there And then one day he goes in the office and she's not there. No parachute didn't open up. Oh, wow. Yeah. Good for him not going. Yeah.

Good for him saying no. I think I fucked that story up. No. I mean, it's. Is that right? Was it a lady that he worked with? Like to go a lot. Asked to go.

Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. It terrifies me. Like, I don't even flying when I was coming here. I'm such a fucking idiot. I checked the weather reports to see how bumpy the flight might be. I'm really annoying.

They said high winds and I'm like, it's going to be a bad flight and for two days I'm panicking before about the fucking wind. So yeah, the height thing is really, it's a paralyzing fear. Yeah, because you know that if you make a mistake, you'll die. And these people fight that fear

and climb. Alex Honnold is one of the oddest guys I think I've ever met. Because he does that all the time in these mountains. These crazy, you know, like, where the angle is going backwards. And he's got to climb 1,000 feet while just kind of hanging on with his feet and toes. Does he use equipment or does he free climb? No, he free solos. The film is called Free Solo, the documentary on him. Yeah, he climbed like that 3,000-foot one. and toes does he use equipment or is he free to free climb no he free solos that's the film's called free solo that documentary on him yeah he climbed like that 3 000 foot one i think i saw

some of that yeah he's climbed a lot of them all over the world but it's just the the act of doing that the act of just being involved in risking your life and just climbing all the time. It's just did you ever watch the alpinist? No documentary? Oh my god It's about this kid who was like the goat of these guys and it got to the point where for him where? Just regular free solo climbing on mountains wasn't scary enough. So he starts ice climbing So what he's doing is climbing up the side of like icicles hanging off the side of a mountain and he's doing it with an ice axe. So he's pulling himself up with ice

axes. Because like regular climbing doesn't freak him out enough. Now he's got an ice axe his way up the, I mean, so this ice is hanging off the mountain. Okay? So you have this cliff face right here and then you have all this space, and then you have the ice thousands of feet hanging down above the ground,

and he's digging into this ice and hoping it hangs on there while he's climbing his way. You got to see it. You want to freak out? Look at this. This guy was out of his fucking mind. It is crazy what people have to do to feel like they're upping the last time. Like that stuff. That's what he would climb.

Did you see the icicles? Wherever you found it. I think it was early in the beginning where they showed the icicles. But this guy would make his way with, just Google his name. I know there's really good. Of course, I played the trailer of the movie. It doesn't show any of the stuff you're talking about. This is the trailer, right?

Is he dead or alive? He's alive. He died. He died doing that actual thing. Yeah, he got caught in an avalanche. Jesus. Oh, but he didn't fall. He just got.

No, he just got. That's it. So that's it right there. That's how you climb. That kind of shit. And you see how he just did it with the axes? That's how you do it. He climbed icicles.

Yeah. Because like regular climbing rocks got boring and If you talk to psychologists that really understand the human mind There's like a there's a thing that these they this is like the theory that some of these people That do this kind of stuff like look at that look how insane that is they don't feel normal So it's your order to feel something they really have to do that you really have to do something that would be absolutely paralyzingly terrifying to you or me i think that i might be fucking up the phrase tyson talked about something about like i guess when he was doing drugs or

medic he said the baseline normal i think was the term he used it was something it was something about what it takes to get just to feel zero like just to feel okay i'm regular and whatever if you're addicted to something adrenaline whatever it is we all have that just with for me it would be porn or set like you know i mean like it took so long or so many different things to just get to that feeling like all right i'm starting to feel high from this i'm starting to feel yeah like baseline normal is a good way to put that it's a good way to put like one of the conversations that i we were having the other day in the green room was how fun it is to be able to

talk to people that you just want to have fun with just like comics you could say anything to them everyone's laughing everyone's shitting on everybody we're all cracking up and it's all with love and that's our baseline normal so if you get our the people that are used to what we have as baseline normal and you put them in some stuffy office environment, it's going to be a real problem for us. We're going to feel super constrained and we're going to feel like shit. And people who see it a lot of times think you're being mean to each other. And it's like, no, you have an understanding that this is how we...

Tough crowd. It's like sparring with somebody. Yes. It's not hurting them. It's you're throwing punches at a person who's also throwing them back at you. Yeah, tough crowd. It's like sparring with somebody. Yeah, it's not hurting them But you're throwing punches at a person who's also throwing them back at you. Yeah tough crowd was a great example Keith Robinson Keith Robinson's had two strokes and I went and watched him his specialist fucking amazing shot a special so good and it was really great but Keith Doesn't expect an ounce of sympathy from people

Nobody treats him any differently. The stroke is just one more thing we make fun of. And he's the same guy he's always been. And anybody on the outside would see that and go, you guys are mean to each other. But if we were all of a sudden start talking to Keith differently and trying to kid glove him, he would fucking hate it. It would be uncomfortable. And he would feel like I'm not a damaged mental. But like know i mean like i'm the same guy so yeah people see that sometimes they don't understand that we really do love each other like we're just being dicks because that's what makes

us laugh yeah and it's also the way we feed off each other we spar and it gets everybody better too like when someone shits on you with a really good zinger and you go oh you get home you're like god damn he got me good one. Yeah, how did it fuck? I got a I got a write better lines. I got to come up with some better lines I gotta come up with some more funny things to say about him Let me think what's fucked up about the way he dresses the way he talks and you know what annoys me about you And then you're going out and they're both smiling. Yeah, one's smiling Everyone's laughing and it also but it keeps you honest to like Colin is really good at that

Like we'll be at the cellar sometimes and I'll say something I think makes sense, and he'll go, what are you, my fucking aunt? And I'm like, oh, God, he's right. It was an aunt thing that I said. You can either get annoyed at it, or you can just acknowledge, wow, that really was kind of a douchey old lady thing I just said, and just take it. Well, also, even if it wasn't, the fact that someone can make fun of it,

you should think that's funny. Even though, well, that's not what I meant. But that is funny. Yeah, he's annoying when he calls you out in front of people who aren't comics. He's done that to me too, this fucking asshole in Whole Foods one time. Somebody said something, the cashier said something, I go, oh, no worries. And he goes, does it annoy you that

he's talking like an Australian tour guide? She laughs at me and I'm like, it's embarrassing because she like if he said it to another comic i wouldn't care but this is just some fucking lady who really thought it was funny and obviously i did sound like that but you know it kind of just it makes you almost hyper aware of everything you say and that's our baseline normal. Yeah. Yeah. But I wouldn't, I can't, I can't function without that.

I can't be in a relationship with someone who isn't like that, who doesn't appreciate that. I just. It's not fun. It's not fun. And if you always have to watch what you're saying or you're always worried I'm going to upset them by being too harsh or they're too fragile. Right. Now imagine that same sort of philosophy, that that same mindset and then you apply it to work

So work when you have to work somewhere most of the time you don't you don't get to choose the people you work with You work with the people who also work at the place you work and then you have to deal with all this fucking Bullshit sensitivities that they might be bringing to the table Yeah, and there's also a penalty in those situations where if you say something people don't like, they go to human resources, which nothing destroys fun like fucking human resources. Especially when their job is only to make sure

the company doesn't get sued. Yep, that's it. Yeah, it's all that lawsuits. That really is. I mean, even at work like, you know, on the air we can say what we want. They never fuck with us, but I don't talk to anybody in the office. I mean, I don't fucking hi, hello, and keep walking. I don't want any miscommunications, any misinterpretations.

Or any opportunity for someone to just be deceitful. Someone to pretend that you said something or lock you into some sort of a weird deal. What's easier? I know people that have had to do that where it's easier to pay someone than it is to deal with the ramifications of being falsely charged. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. Or just, yeah, he said this to me and it's like, how do I prove that I didn't say that to you? Right.

There's no. There's people that make money suing companies too. It's like, it's a real good way to go. I got sued. I mean, it's like, it's why I have E&O insurance, because I got fucking sued for half a million dollars. It was that fucking for defamation, because I shit on that lawyer on the air when he called in. He was like the guy's right activist. And he called up, and I insulted him for an hour, and I implied that he fucked chickens.

Like, it was funny. And I remember saying, like, he sued me for defamation. And I remember saying, this guy wants to kill me But he can't so he's getting me legally because we met once I thought I wanted to settle with him Because he amended his complaint. He said that I was having people send him anthrax or white powder implying It was anthrax. It was fucking crazy. So I had a meet in my lawyer's office just to tell him like dude I like that's insane. I thought like as two people right but he thought I was going to settle so we shook hands and met and he was just like a little

fishy weird guy um and then he just continued to sue me and it finally went away I had a great lawyer and in court eight months later or nine months later um the judge didn't like him and my attorney started reading things I said to him on the air and all the other lawyers in the court started laughing and all those people laughing at him, um, got him to go, Oh, you're on a, we can settle this. So they went in the back and that was it. No money was paid. It was just dropped. Oh, he just didn't want to be mocked. And that he didn't want to be mocked. And he wrote like this manifesto and he mentioned me in it. Um, and that guy over the fucking pandemic, uh, dressed up like a FedEx worker and went to a judge's house and shot her son and killed him. That was the guy. That's the same guy,

Roy, Roy Denhollander. And he, that was the guy that sued. That's the guy that sued me. Holy shit. And he went to, uh,

he was going to, I think murder Sonia Sotomayor. I think her name is, the Supreme Court Justice. And they said he might have killed somebody else in L.A., they don't know. But yeah, he was going to shoot her and her son answered the door. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, but I knew that guy, it was more than a lawsuit. Because he had challenged me to a duel.

I didn't tell you. On the air he goes, do you want to go to South America and have a duel? Like, it was really bizarre that he chose. One of those 10 paces things? Yes. It was so nuts. Whoa. And then he started wanting to come back in studio and fight us.

He's like, it'll just be me against the three hosts fighting. All these crazy messages. Oh, my God. I can't believe that was the guy. I never knew that. That's the guy. Yeah, so when that type of shit happens, it does change you a little bit. You're like, wow, that guy was right.

That guy literally wanted to murder me. It wasn't me being crazy or paranoid. And most people, from what I heard, he had cancer. They said he had incurable stage four cancer. And then he wound up doing that, and then he just blew his brains out, shot himself. Oh, wow. Yeah. So they never got him he he did it to himself he killed himself yeah i think the cops were coming to get him and he and he uh he killed himself so yeah that could have been a lot worse um boy and i and i look back on that and i also feel good about myself like hey you read this

guy right like i read what type of person he was like you know is this you get pretty good instincts like if somebody's heckling you understand is this guy having fun or is this guy trying to be a piece of shit because he resents me you you learn pretty quickly to read motives yeah and I just it was just maybe it's just an animal gut instinct I'm like this guy's a fucking problem. So yeah, I got very lucky with that, that it never got to that. I wonder how much you having him humiliated ramped up all of his anger and led to him murdering people.

You know, I don't know because it was years later and it was also, he had this thing with women. I originally, we were going to interview him because he was suing Columbia because of their guys' studies or women's studies, sorry. And so I was like, look, I don't like anything that's progressive and exclusive by nature. Like, you know what I mean? Like, hey, how come they're not doing guys? So I'm like, let's see what. But then it became apparent he just sues women. So then we started to make fun of him.

Because it's like, it wasn't the principle of Columbia doing this. It it was like you just have a fucking hard-on and want to sue women so then we kind of made fun of him um and it got ugly and I was just being a dick like I was on the air um and that's what really but I don't think I think he had so many of these problems and it was much more about women than anything I said to him. Like my humiliation of him was years earlier, but I do think I humiliated him and he really wanted to, because my attorney at the time, his name is Tom Ferber. He was a great lawyer and he,

they, my law firm hated him so much. They retroactively knocked down what they were charging me. They go, this guy is such a bad guy that we're going to charge you less and we're going to make it retroactive. Like they were so offended by what he was doing as an attorney. So I got lucky with really good people and they really took good care of me. You also got lucky that you caught him before the cancer.

Yes. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Because again, do I think he would have hunted me down and killed? No, I think the judge for him was a bigger one. But, I mean, I'm sure it would have felt good for him if he could have. Especially if he was on a run. So let me stop by the radio station. Yeah. And oddly enough, it happened in the town I grew up in, which was, again, a pure coincidence. But it happened in North Brunswick. Wow.

He went to kill her and just, unfortunately, her son answered the door. Oh, boy. Yeah. You get, like, I've gotten so many threats, um, over the years, like, and like legit, you know, radio podcasting, you don't see who it's not like live standup. Like there's a lot of people that you don't see. Um, and I used to answer them. I have, I have hundreds of fucking hate mail messages and I used to go back and forth with people. Um, and I eventually stopped because then people like, I had a couple of people talking about,

you better watch your back or talk about getting shot. And they were using their real names. I'm like, all right, this guy's using his real name. He's a fucking there's something wrong with him. Right. And I don't know what he looks like. And he knows what I look like. Yeah.

But I eventually stopped reading it or responding to it because the thing about the ONA show, though, it was a very aggressive show. Yeah. And aggressive and shitting on people aggressive and attacking people and the weaponization of the pests yeah and they they kind of did it on their own and we enjoyed it because they were

really funny like they would do some really funny shit like we would do jock tobers and just a torture we should tell everybody what the pet the pests of the audience oh they were just these are these o and a fans very you know really connected very committed fans yeah and pests was just this dumb affection because they were just pests they would just annoy people and we would take over and just like fuck with another radio show it would only

happen for a day though you'd be in and out for a day they'd put all these horrible things on their facebook page the facebook page would shut down and then the next day it would be another well jocktober was was just making fun of like corny radio guys yeah and i actually it's funny i had to go on because you know i had the advantage of doing radio but also of going on the road and i had been on shows and they're like you know you jocktobered us so i had to go and face some of these fucking people and it's embarrassing it's embarrassing it's like being overheard talking shit but

what did you say to them when you were in the studio they were cooler with it than I would have thought and there was one time in Boston we had really been brutal to this show what show was it I don't remember it's been years ago I don't remember the show I didn't remember the jocktobering but uh Kenny comes out and I was waiting to do a show.

And he goes, hey, you jock-tobered these people, and they want to know if you have the guts to come in studio. And I'm like, yeah. So I went right in, because you have to. I would rather just face it. And then we kind of talked about it, and it was okay. It wasn't as aggressive. I think they were surprised that I came in.

And whenever you talk to someone one-on-one, it humanizes them a little bit. It's harder to totally dismiss somebody when you're actually talking to them. Right. Because you realize, like, eh, they're just making a living doing radio, and they look at me like he's just a stupid fucking comic

making fun of something. So we wound up getting along, and it was okay. But, yeah, I had to deal with that on the road. I went on a few shows that we fought with, like Lex and terry and dow they were really brutal those guys they were harsh um we had nasty fights with them and then eventually got kind of made up and i went on their show and it was fun those are any of those shows still around how many of those i don't know i know bub is still around he's doing something i don't know if lex and terry are toucher and rich just broke up up and But they were friends.

They were one of those shows that made it through all these. What about Bob and Tom? One of them died. I don't know. I've only done this show once or twice and I've been in studio once or twice. I think one of them passed away and I don't know which one. They were the show to get on.

They were. If you wanted to be big in the Midwest, you wanted to get on the Bob and Tom show yeah, Larry the cable guy all these guys that they made I mean radio would what it did for people for years now No one cares if you're on the radio like the regular rate doesn't do shit for people anymore unless unless Few shows and a few markets can help like Johnny dare in Kansas City was always a great show to go on because he would Help you sell tickets. Yeah, But most of those shows are gone. Is he still there?

I don't know. I haven't been out there in so many years. The weird ones for me now is, you know, whenever you get a car and, you know, like usually I use like Apple CarPlay in my car. But if I don't have it plugged in or if I forget my phone or something like that, I'm like, let me see what's on the radio. And I'll press AM talk radio and I'll just scroll until I find either someone talking about Jesus or someone talking about Trump. Yeah. Yeah.

That's exactly what it is. There's nothing funny or there's very few funny shows anymore because everyone's so afraid of getting in trouble or getting the let like it's worse than it's ever been. They're just trying to catch people slipping, trying to catch people saying something they can get them in trouble for. Yeah, we got out just in time. I mean, honestly, like when we got fired in 2002, it again, it turned out to be a blessing. But when you got when you're doing serious, do they tell you how many people listen? No, it's a negotiation strength for them.

But they don't. It's like Netflix won't tell you how many people have watched your special. But there's no one that you know that's inside? No, no. I've wanted to know, and I guess people, they said that Sam and I do really well on the, for them on demand is very big. Their app is very big. And they said we do better than most people at the company on that app. And they're really happy with it.

So the app, it's just like having Spotify or something like that. You just press and you can get the show whenever you want. Yeah, and you can listen to it and replay. Yeah. So it's essentially a podcast just released through the app. Through the app. And do you have to pay for that? I don't know.

I mean, I think the app is free. I don't know. I don't listen to my own show, much less anything else. But the show, you have to pay for SiriusXM. Right. Or it's just Sirius. Sir have to pay for Sirius XM. Right. It's just Sirius. Sirius. No, Sirius XM Pandora now.

Oh, is it? Yeah, Sirius XM Pandora. Oh, so I thought they got rid of the XM. Is it Pandora? They absorbed it. Yeah, they own Pandora for sure. Yeah, no, Sirius XM is still, and they just added something else too. I should probably know because I worked there, but I really don't.

How much longer do you think Howard's going to do it? I don't know because I don't know him. Like, I've met him. I've never really with howard other than hello and goodbye and like weird yeah same building same building but does he go in the studio i don't think he's been there for a long time i think he broadcasts from home like he's got his own studio um but even when he was in i wouldn't see him because i came in i would see arty like arty lang and i would bump into each other in the elevator all the time and I hated getting up which would drive me crazy.

Like Artie does heroin and he and I were getting here at the same time. Like he would fucking be there with the sunglasses on in the elevator going up to work. So I bumped into Artie all the time. But Howard I've probably seen two or three times in all those years. Interesting.

Yeah, we never, I never did his show because it was Opie and Anthony and when we were off the air i was an ona guy so i never tried to get on i just always wondered like what like how what motivates him like does he want to keep doing it you know and doing it from home if like you get to a certain point in time where the only way you feel like you're connecting with people is if you do that that would be very odd if you're just doing it from your home and you're not going out, you know, like being out with people and your only connection to the world is through a microphone. Yeah. I can get very odd. I guess he's interviewing people.

He wants to talk to, like, I guess at this point he just wants to do certain interviews. And like, again, people have said his show changed a lot, but I was never a listener. I just don't listen to anything. It definitely changed a lot, but you still got to give the guy props for what he did. Because in the beginning, there was no one like him. And he fought the government. They fucking fined him. And he was doing this on the air on regular radio, and everybody was tuning in to see what the wildest shit this guy was going to say. And there was no one that had done that before

And it opened up the door for all of us Yeah for all pot it definitely opened up the door for ONA it made ONA more It greased the wheels for ONA although ONA was a different thing. It was more of a hang Yeah, but they they admit that Howard was a huge influence on us. He was an influence on everybody and then from there It goes on to podcasts and you know, it's not possible without Howard Stern. It's a totally different path to entertainment talking because this is like that kind of just having a conversation with someone that really didn't exist in that form before where you heard it for long periods of time with comedians. Like who else had done that? Yeah, at least where it was entertaining and

funny and you'd go into areas that regular interviews weren't going into. Oh, you had regular shows where girls would ride on a Decibian. Yeah. Or play with themselves. All the time. Oh, and they had girls would talk and they would have them rub the phone on their pussy and try to guess what their pubic

hair looked like. You know what I mean? They had like three different categories of like full bush, landing strip, or bald pussy, which they called the jamboné, I think. So yeah, they would have people just call up and rub the phone on their pussies. You know, it was just, it was fun. And then it became Whip Em Out Wednesdays,

where Wednesdays girls would pull their tits out. Yeah, and Flash. That was before I got there, they came up. I think Opie came up with that before I arrived. Like, that was something that was already a staple by the time I showed up. Because that was the whole thing with O and A. They would have stickers,

and the stickers would say wow on it. Yeah, and you'd see them everywhere. Oh, yeah, and if someone had a sticker on their car and girls drove by, they would honk their horn and pull their tits out. Yeah, yeah, and we would get calls on Wednesday. Hey, some girl just showed me her tits. Like, it was really great.

I unfortunately did not get to see many driving, but I had to hear from happy happy listeners But it was that kind of a show that was like a welcome break from all the fake bullshit that you would hear on In most media. Yeah, and there was no real like you could say anything you wanted because it was only it was a subscription service And then our show was a subscription on top of that. We went on XM. There was a $2 fee additionally to get Opie and Anthony. It wasn't even on the regular. We fought for a year to get on the regular platform. They kept Opie and Anthony separated.

Is that because they were scared of you guys? I think so. And they also wanted to have that thing. Hey, you paid the $2. That's what I think. Right, right, right. This is what you asked asked for this is what you asked for yeah but eventually we got on the regular and i'll say this for serious they don't ever fuck with us on what to talk about what not to talk about um that's great yeah they never give us content problems um you know we can't really have nudity in the studio anymore but i mean most companies are

probably not letting you do that That's a lawsuit thing. Yeah, yeah, and it's also been done so many times Like what do I do look at a pair of tits like who cares enough? I put my own on Fuck can't stop. I'm trying to lose weight again. I got so self-conscious. I just fattened up. That's married life You just your home. What are you trying to do to lose weight? Eating better. I mean I've been going to Henzo's for like seven months now. Oh, yeah? And that's great exercise.

Oh, yeah. Jiu-jitsu, Muay Thai, I go four days a week. You're doing Muay Thai too? I do two days of each a week because, yeah, I really- That's awesome. You know, Jiu-jitsu is great, but I want to be able to get to somebody or handle somebody throwing a punch. or handle somebody throwing a punch. And I train with, I do mostly privates because this schedule of classes

doesn't work with my schedule. And I train with a guy named Mike Jarmillo who's a high level black belt and he has me rolling with this blue belt named Martin and it's just, it's fucking great dude. Like it's very addicting. I love doing it. And it's exhausting.

It's more tiring than anything I've ever done in my life. That's great to hear, man. I'm excited that you're doing it. And it's exhausting. It's more tiring than anything I've ever done in my life. That's great to hear, man. I'm excited that you're doing that. But I'm never gonna compete. I literally just don't wanna get my ass kicked in a movie theater. That's all I'm worried about is getting beaten up in a fucking movie theater. Well, it's always good to learn how to fight. It's never a bad thing to know how to fight.

Doesn't mean you're gonna use it. Doesn't mean you're gonna hurt anybody. I never have. But it's just a good thing to know. Yeah, you look at people differently. Like, I again. I'm not overconfident because I'm not looking for a fight But when they when there's a disruption or a ruckus you're less concerned about what happens if this comes this way You know you at least feel like well at least I would have an answer that I wouldn't have had seven or eight months ago Right, right, right. Yeah, you want to know what to do instead of just to freeze up.

One of the best things about jiu-jitsu is when you are rolling, when you're sparring, you're essentially going full speed, right? You go full speed up into the point where you lock in the choke and then, or an arm bar or a knee bar, whatever it is, and then you control because you don't want to hurt each other.

Right. But the point is you're scrambling At essentially a hundred percent until you get to that position not always you know sometimes you're flowing and sometimes you're you know You're you're just trying to work on defense. You're letting someone go around you But what you're accustomed to doing is resisting someone's full strength you get accustomed Yes, and it becomes very normal so like if someone grabs me out of nowhere someone grabs me this is it it's a total normal thing for me to feel like someone uh the other day i think it was brian moses through grabbed me from behind and put his

uh arm around my neck when i was in the green room and i tucked my chin like instantly tucked my chin i instantly went like this. It's just like it's built in. It's entirely built in. I feel an arm right here. My chin tucks. I turn away, and I grab it. I'm like, oh, hey, what's up?

You know, like, it's in my central nervous system. Whereas for a person who's never trained, if someone grabs you, you have to think, what do I do? Now I have to grab this. By then, it's too late. Yeah, there are certain things I don't think about, but I'm not there yet. The idea of it becoming a reaction,

that's what I want to get to. For certain things, it is, but if I'm trying to throw a triangle on them, I'm like, right arm through, right leg, left, right, fucks me up a lot. Do you drill a lot? Yeah, and we do a lot of drilling, and that's where he'll have me drill from the right side,

he'll have me drill from the left side Drilling is everything Yeah People don't like to drill because it's tedious and they like to spar because it's fun and Eddie Bravo used to always explain this to Me it's like, you know, everybody loves to spar because like that's like you're playing the game. You're playing a video game Yeah to get good at that game. You got to do the tedious stuff Yeah, Eddie and I would drill all the time. He would come over to my house, and I had mats in my garage.

And when I first started, I was like a blue belt, and Eddie, I think he was a brown. He was either purple or brown at the time. And he would come over to my place, and we would just drill for hours. And my game jumped up so much. My game from blue belt to purple belt jumped so much and it was all just because i was drilling like all the time constant drilling yeah he does that a lot mike will have us do like the same thing over and over and over and i'll get tired like for me the exhaustion and he'll be like you can go slow but you can't stop train

yourself to move train yourself to move when you're tired um does your nose work uh my nose sucks it's better than it was um i know we had talked before you were you were thinking about getting the operation oh i've got two you got two yeah and it's like it's still it's also my lungs and the fact that i'm 55 like you know this guy I'm rolling with is a blue belt who moves very quick. He's really hard to hold when he doesn't want to be held. If he's drilling, but then for the last X amount of minutes, a lot of times he'll go, I want you to follow him. He wants me just to follow his movements.

If he's getting out of things, do I know what the next thing to do is? Just to kind of get me to do it without thinking. I've surprised myself a few times where I was actually able to see what he's doing But I'm under no illusion that I can tap a blue belt like, you know Well, it's it's a language and it's like you have to learn how to say the words before you can form sentences And that's that's what you're doing when you learn jujitsu and just like having a conversation with someone when someone's moving Your reactions to their movement is based on your understanding of what could and couldn't happen. Yeah. You know, so it's like, it is like

a language. Jiu-Jitsu is very much like a language and you get good at it, just like you get good at a language and you have a bunch of different words at your disposal. You understand how to put them together. You understand how to put them together in context. And then you, you react in these movements and you see really good guys it's almost like they're telepathic like they're anticipating the other person's counter to their move and then they trap them with that and flow into the next defense of that and it's all just this whirlwind of movement that looks random unless you're educated in what they're doing and then you go wow that's beautiful well mike will show things like and he again he's takes it easy on me because i'm a white belt but when he locks like he'll show me like things he knows i'm not going to compete so more how to defend yourself in a real life situation so he'll show me where to throw elbows and like if you got a guy here

throw your knee into his face like things that you'll need to do in real life uh but when he locks things on he goes and here's how you really make this suck if you want to. It's brutal. Like, it's really, you realize how many ways there are to hurt somebody or to be hurt by somebody. It's not just getting punched in the face. Like, Muay Thai for me, I love because, again, my punching sucks. My kicks are fucking, my jab is shit. But I just want to be able to do a little bit of basic stuff if I have to do it right

But I'm never gonna be great at that like I'm never gonna throw kicks like fucking Wonderboy and knock somebody out. I just want to be able to throw one if I have to get somebody away from me Yeah, it's just it's again It's a good thing to learn and wherever you are now Whatever your baseline is if you train you'll get better and you'll look back and go Oh, I remember when I used to think that I couldn't get good at this now I'm pretty fucking good at it yeah I've seen some improvement in seven months and again it's all I don't care about belts I don't care about any of that stuff I just I like doing it and I feel like yeah I'm learning something because when he tells me just to

follow Martin and move I feel like yeah I'm actually moving with him and most of the time he's getting out of it how much time are you spending when you're doing Muay Thai kick in a heavy bag? Well, not really, actually not a lot. I kick pads and I stopped kicking probably two months ago because I really hurt my foot. I thought I might have fractured my foot. So I've been doing just basically punching and Thai clinch and takedowns for like the last two months to let my foot heal because I foot heal. Did you hit an elbow or something? No.

I think I was just – sometimes my kicks are off. And I actually did hit an elbow one time, but I don't think that's what did it. I think I just kicked too hard and my foot hit the wrong part of the pad. I think that's what it was. I felt like it was fractured, so I didn't want to break it. But no, I haven't kept it back. But you kept training though. That's good.

Find a way to work around it. I can't stop. I don't even go to the regular gym anymore because if I stop, I'm not going to do it. Like I'm, I'm a streaky hitter. Like I do really good. And when I stopped fucking forget it, I'm not getting back into it. Well, the cool thing about martial arts is it's a really hard workout, but it's also fun because you're learning something. Yeah. And it's like, you're doing a skill. It's not just like, I'm going to get on this bike and I'm going to ride for a fucking six miles. Yeah. On this fucking stationary bike while you're listening to a podcast. Instead, you're learning something. So you're you're not even thinking about the the you know, the the grind of it all. You're just enjoying it. This will come in handy in real life. Hopefully I won't have to, but if something happens, at least this thing I'm doing will help me in a physical altercation. If my fucking wife and I get attacked, at least I'll be able to do more than I would have been able to do.

I'm still not confident enough to have a fight with somebody. How long have you been doing it now? About seven months. Yeah, dude. You just keep doing it. You'll get better. Yeah, I love it. I really love it.

And you get used to the smell of a jujitsu gym pretty fast. Yeah, it stinks. But are you taking care of your body in terms of supplements? I've been doing some. Bert, actually, when I was here, I think it was the guy that you talked to, got me a bunch of supplements. We talked about TRT, but I'm not at a point where I'm comfortable doing that. I'm just afraid of it, I guess. What are you afraid of?

If you have a tumor, will it make that grow more? You should talk to Brigham about that. I don't want my balls to shrink. You like your balls nice and plump? I do. I like my balls juicy. A big load is my calling card, Joe. There's no reason why that has to go away. There's something called HCD.

What is it called? HCG, human colonotropin, whatever it is. It makes your body, it's like a peptide that makes your body produce more testosterone. And there's a lot of people who use that as opposed to just TRT. So instead of just, here it is, human chorionic gonadotropin. That's how you say it. So it's a hormone that can increase a person's chances of pregnancy,

helps produce testosterone and sperm. So if you're low on testosterone, you can take that. Does it fuck up, can it fuck make tumors bigger or whatever? Like I'm scared of cancer. No, you shouldn't be scared of that.

You know, if you're scared of cancer you should stop eating sugar yeah i've tried to cut a lot of it out yeah but that's the that's the real one yeah that's the real one um there's obviously genetic uh factors in cancer um there's certainly environmental factors in cancer those are huge but there's some real connections to an overconsumption of sugar and a host of different diseases, a diminishing of your immune system. And most people, unfortunately, are addicted to it. And I've got these guys at the store, or at the mothership, rather, over the last month, this month of January, we're doing carnivore month. And I'm not saying, like, I am not a nutritionist. And I'm not saying that this is the best way that everyone on earth should eat.

But what I wanted them to do, to try it for a month, if you are committing to only eating meat and eggs and fish for a month, what you are also committing to doing is not eating bread, not eating pasta, not eating bullshit, not eating cake, not eating cookies, not eating potato chips, not eating just garbage that just clogs up your body with bullshit. And these guys are talking just in the two weeks that we've been doing, they're like, oh my God, this is incredible. Derek was saying the other day in the green room, he's like, I have so much energy, man. It feels crazy. Like i don't need naps and asan was saying i had an idea of what my baseline energy was and i was so wrong i was always like oh i need a nap i goes i don't ever need naps now over two weeks duncan said the same thing duncan realized he has diabetes ah type two diabetes yeah yeah from sugar from eating

sugar so duncan gets off the diabetes and he gets off the sugar rather. And he calls me like two weeks later. He's like, dude, I feel fucking amazing. This is crazy. I can't believe how good I feel. It's really hard. Like, especially when shit's in the house, because you know, my wife doesn't know what's healthy. Like she'll bring home cupcakes and go, they're healthy. They're from whole foods. I'm like, I can't eat that. Do you understand? I'm getting fat. I can't keep doing this. You can't outrun bad diet. It's not just, it's not just like bad diet. I think you should think of it as poison. I think you should think of a lot of the bullshit that people eat as a very minor, slow acting poison. It's not a poison that's going to take

you out and kill you when you eat it. It's a poison that if you keep eating it, it's going to diminish your robustness. It's going to diminish your health, your metabolic strength, all the factors that go into sleep and recovery and even cognitive function, they're all getting diminished. Every fucking one

of them. 100% of them. I'm so paranoid about being sick. I go every year for like scans and about i'm a claustrophobe so it's very hard to do like i did an mri recently for everything i'm like check the fucking the brain i want to check the chest check the groin but i kept yelling at them to take me out it was really humiliating yeah i'm squeezing the thing i'm like take me out and they would take me out and put me back in and they finally turned the thing around and put me in legs first because i'm so claustrophobic oh god so they couldn't do the brain one i just couldn't get

through it it was because your head is fucking yeah i've done mris oh doesn't bother you to be enclosed like that i just deal with it i can't do it it makes me crazy i have to i have to take something like yeah i don't enjoy it but i just do it did you hear about the lady who went into one i mean i don't even know if this is a true story Maybe one of those internet things she went into an MRI with a loaded gun and the gun went off and shot her No, but why a gun? I don't know did she forget she had it? It could be one of two things It could be a real crazy person or it could be something that someone wrote because it would be a funny Scenario and they put it out on the internet and gets a bunch of clicks because people believe things there was one where somebody went for An MRI and it sucked the magnet of clicks because people believe things. There was one where somebody went for an MRI and it sucked, the magnet sucked all this

metal stuff against it. Yeah, they did that and killed someone. Did it kill them? Yeah. People have definitely died. I mean, that's why they make you take all the magnets or the metal rather out of your, you know, you walk in with a hospital gown. I was so annoyed.

Dude, they put music on and I was fucking having a panic attack. So I tell the guy, put on some rock music, rock music. And this fucking guy thought I said Rocky. So all he's playing is the Rocky theme. Dude, over and over and over. I'm having a panic attack listening to that fucking. Oh, it was so not helpful. A Wisconsin woman sneaks a gun into MRI.

It goes off, shooting her in the buttocks. In the process of entering the bore, the handgun was attracted to the magnet and fired a single round. The patient received a gunshot wound to the right buttock area. Yeah, so it's true. Wow, like what is the point of sneaking a gun in?

Well, she wanted to fucking shoot somebody, but also needed to go to the doctor, but did want to leave her gun in the locker. Oh, she was probably afraid they'd go through and find it? Yeah, find her fucking pistol in the locker. She's like, I'm just gonna sneak it in. How humiliating. Shoot yourself in the locker. Oh, she was probably afraid they'd go through and find it. Yeah, find her fucking pistol in the locker. She's like, I'm just going to sneak it. How humiliating. Shoot yourself in the ass.

Fucking crazy lady. Yeah. But I do it once a year. I get so paranoid about getting sick and getting fucking cancer. Go back, Jamie. There's another one there. No, no, no. Look at this.

According to the New York Post, a Brazilian lawyer was killed in a hospital in Sao Paulo in January when a handgun he was carrying during an MRI discharged into his stomach. Holy shit. Yeah, what the fuck is wrong with these people? Like, what's the purpose of bringing a gun into a place like that? This other lady, a nurse, was crushed when she was trapped between an MRI

and a hospital bed drawn to the machine. I think that's the one I'm thinking of. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah, I mean, it really is. You figure they have a I'm thinking of. Fuck. Fuck. Yeah. I mean, it really is. You figure they have a better system

than fucking magnets at this point. Yeah. You know? Well, that was always my argument against aliens. Like, there was, oh, they're doing

an anal probe. I'm like, don't they have MRIs? Right. They have to stick their finger up your ass. Like, what are they doing? Dude, I'm trying.

I'm trying to believe. I want to believe in UFOs so bad, but time I get close mm-hmm you know I watch I watch a video of someone debunking it I just can't I want to see one thing that makes me go fuck I can't find an explanation for I am less likely to believe with every new thing they tell us in aliens or against them well In the existence of them, I'm a hundred percent convinced yeah a hundred percent convinced that in the greater Universe which is almost impossible to imagine how big it is that there's other forms of life I believe that 100% but I also think that if you're getting some release from the Pentagon that says there's off-world crafts, UFOs, unexplainable vehicles not of this earth, they don't tell you the truth about anything.

No. Anything. I would say that if I was trying to obscure a hyper-sophisticated drone or weapons program. I would release that. a hyper-sophisticated drone or weapons program. I would release that. If I was a smart guy who was involved in intelligence, I would say, what's the best way to get away with this new super-sophisticated weapons program?

Okay, let's just say it's aliens. Let's just not say it's us at all. And, well, what's the best way to get that information out? First of all, pretend you don't want it to get out. Don't just have a press conference because then they won't believe you. Leak it out slowly. Leak it out a little bit here and there. Leak it out through you got some guy who works for you who's maybe got a big mouth, likes to tell a little gossipy.

Let's get Mike over there. Tell him. Leave a folder on his desk. Tell a secret to some asshole that you know can't keep his mouth shut. Exactly. And then Mike, I felt compelled to go to Congress and explain and then you know Mike is on fucking Newsmax and Mike is writing a sub stack now about all his experiences that he had in area 51 There's a lot of loony people man, and there's a lot of real interest in obscuring

High-level military secrets that are of dire national intelligence and national security needs. Like you need these, if these things exist, if the technology for insane hypersonic travel with a drone that evades all known weapon systems can move at a speed almost at the speed of light, like some insane speed. If we really have something like that, the best way to pretend you don't have it is to say that it's alien.

That's why I wanted to, like, the Fravor and Alex Dietrich, is that what they saw, something that we had? Like, I want to believe that story so much because I like their story and I think they're credible people. They definitely are credible people and I like their story too. And it only makes sense. They definitely are credible people and I like their story too.

And it only makes sense that it's out there near where all the military bases are. I mean, think about where that was. It's in San Diego. Where are the ones with Ryan Graves, the fighter pilot who spotted them off the East Coast? Same thing. Restricted airways. It's all the places where they do military exercises. Right.

So there's things they might not tell those guys that they're doing. Yeah. where they do military exercises. Right. So there's things they might not tell those guys that they're doing. Yeah. And that's also with Ryan Graves. I think it was in 2014 when they upgraded the sensors.

They upgraded all the scanning systems. And then they started seeing these things all the time. So what better way to find out, like, at what level can people see these things? Let's upgrade the scanners and send these guys out there. Oh, they're seeing them. Okay. So they're seeing them now.

Now you know. I think more likely than any, at least some of these things these people are experiencing are ours. Yeah, I think so too. And I want to believe more, but like I saw Lex Friedman did a really good interview with David Fravor

and they were responding to things that Mick West said. And David Fravor is a were responding to things that Mick West said and David Fravor is a brilliant guy but the explanation he gave wasn't the technical explanation I would have wanted to hear it was more like hey we're trained and we know what we're seeing and I'm a fucking idiot so I don't understand the technology at all I'm a high school dropout

but I still I was like I watched both of those things and I was like I just he didn't say anything that combated what Mick West said that made like you know what I mean Mick West said things and I was like I just he didn't say anything that combated what Mick West said that made like you I mean Mick West said things well listen about that about that thing being real that cannot be denied because there was it was scanned they used multiple different types of equipment and and the human eye so you have this they they spotted this thing at above 50,000 feet and it went down to 50 feet in less than a second.

Yeah. Then it's a physical object. It also went to its cat point. So they saw it. They have video of this thing moving at an insane rate of speed that they judged to be like some fucking stupendous number of Gs. That if a human being was inside this thing, you'd just turn it into Jell-O. And then it went to their cat point, which is their predetermined destination that they were all going to meet up. So this thing either was being operated by the same people and they knew that they could get it to that point.

Or it was telling them that it knew where they were supposed to go. And then it reappears. It moves off at this rate of speed that you can't even process it. No one knows how it's doing it. How's it going from 50,000 feet above sea level to 50 like that? That's not possible as far as what we know. But if they have something that can move like that, and it's most likely some kind of a drone, that makes more sense to me. That makes a lot of sense. But does that mean that that's all the things that people are seeing? No. No, it doesn't.

I don't think they're lying, by the way. I don't think that those pilots are lying at all. I think they definitely saw something. I'm just not convinced it's from another planet. Yeah. No, I'm not either. I'm not. But I'm also not convinced that some of these things aren't from other planets.

Which one do you think? Because there's not one that I saw, and I really want the one. Like, I and i really want the one like i want to see one i've never seen the one i've never seen the one but there's enough sightings and enough people that are just what percentage of people lie about stuff is it half it might be half like half people fib a little bit about the story and make themselves look a little better than what really happened. It's tricky. Tricky between like an outright lie, which is fairly rare amongst people, and then a distortion of truth, which is much more common. Yeah, filling in the blanks where you think it should go. Yeah.

Yeah. Like a friend of mine was trying to tell me that he spotted a UFO in his backyard and they filmed it with his iPhone, but that the video wasn't on the phone after it was over I go okay isn't it more likely you didn't press the button you thought you pressed the button that's happened to me before sure everybody does that he's like no no no it was definitely working like mmm maybe not yeah be not working that's possible too and the fact that you're not in to able to entertain whether or not it might not have actually been recording that seems to be a little weird well what's easier to swallow like Too and the fact that you're not inter able to entertain whether or not it might not have actually been recording

That seems to be a little weird Well, what's easier to swallow like the fact that I? Saw UFO and it made the video disappear or I saw UFO and then didn't hit record Yeah, like yeah, like that's the humiliating thing like there's a fucking UFO and I didn't record it Also, you're freaking out when people freaking out. They don't know what they're doing They fuck things up all the time. But the point is, like, that's not a lie. It's just a distorted version of truth that suits that person more.

And I think people do stuff like that all the time when it comes to, like, these UFO sightings. But you always have to leave in the possibility of someone who's immune to that. possibility of someone who's immune to that. You have to leave in sightings from people that are credible, objectionable, or objective rather people that can look at something and go, I don't know what this is, but

let me tell you what I saw. And they tell you what they saw to the best of their recollection and memory with no additives. Without the expectation of convincing you of something or without the expectation of it being A, B, or C, but hey, this is what happened whatever it is it is. Yeah, that's hard to find that.

Exactly. There's also this thing where people want to be one of the people that see a UFO. Of course. Because it makes you special. Yeah. It makes you special. Yeah, so they want to, you know, it's hard. I'll tell you what, this fucking guy, Travis Walton, this is one of the craziest stories. He's the guy that was in that movie. the sky fire in the sky that one's wild man

That one's wild cuz that guy was missing for five days or however many days it was and turns up and has this story That's similar to so many other stories, but was it where his did his friends see him disappear Yeah, they saw him get taken No They saw him walk up to the spacecraft and they saw as he got close to the spacecraft some sort of beam of light hit him and he falls to the ground and they panicked so they get in their car allegedly obviously yeah sure they drive off they're all screaming and yelling each other we have to go back we can't leave him there we

have to go back they get like a mile down the road and they finally they're like fighting with each other and they go okay we're gonna go back and they go back and he's gone the craft's gone he's gone and then many days later he shows up with this crazy story in the town wearing the same clothes and doesn't know how he got there and calls for help and he says that he was abducted and taken aboard this craft. And they fixed him. They realized that they had blasted him with this beam of energy that came off of this spaceship. And then they brought him back on and repaired him.

He talked about the different kinds of beings that he encountered. And what the experience was like. And, I mean, you don't know what that is. What does that mean? Maybe it was ball lightning, and maybe when he approached the ball lightning, he got hit and electrocuted, and maybe he had a near-death experience,

and maybe in that near-death experience, he had some psychedelic imagination of this experience where he was in contact with other beings. Or maybe during those near-death experiences, your brain really does produce a chemical gateway that opens up a portal to something that's around you all the time but you're never in contact with. And that that's what happens. So what he's interpreting as being taken aboard a UFO

and brought to some place maybe whatever that Experience was whatever the thing was that hit with that phenomenon that hit him whether it was ball lightning or something else when you get hit and You almost die and your brain has this experience and it's opening up this chemical Gateway to things that around you all the time and then you come. You have this version of a thing where you're in a physical craft. You're being taken away and the aliens are working on you.

But it might just be that you got to death's door. And it's probably a much better story. It's much easier to think that this amazing thing happened to you other than I got hit by lightning and laid there. Right. I mean, that story sucks. Like, nobody likes that story.

You laid there and almost died and went into a near-death experience where your soul transcended into some new dimension and you interacted with this well of souls that surround us all the time. You're just not capable of experiencing it and seeing it with regular human eyes.

Yeah, it's a better story. I don't think it's a lie. Maybe people just convinced themselves of it. Also, I don't think they know. I don't even know what happened. One of the best ones is Betty and Barney Hill. You know that one? Yes, I do, yeah. That's a crazy one.

Was that New Hampshire? I think it was like Maine, maybe New Hampshire. Yeah. But definitely Northeast. And they did, through hypnotic regression, they both had the same kind of story. They were taking aboard a craft. Yeah.

I've heard there was disputes about how much of their story they told it was the same, but I've never deep dove on it to say that they're lying. Imagine if you and I both got abducted. We're hanging out here. In the studio, we're talking. All of a sudden, the lights go off, and fucking weird light from outside is making its way into the windows, like, what the fuck is going on? And then you and I wake up and we're on a spaceship.

And we don't know what the fuck happened. We're on a spaceship and they take us into different rooms. And then we're there for like two days. And then you wake up in your hotel room. Yeah. And I wake up in my house. And we don't know what the fuck happened. But we know we were talking and then all of a sudden we were gone.

Yeah, we look at our watch and it's the same day that we left. And it's only an hour later. And we think we've what the fuck happened. But we know we were talking and then all of a sudden we were gone. Yeah, we look at our watch and it's the same day that we left and it's only an hour later and we think we've been gone for days. And then we tried to, and then someone individually asks us questions. They pull us into the room. So, Mr. Norton, why don't you explain what you and Joe were doing and what happened? And you go, okay, and then you tell your story and then I tell my story. My story's the way i'm reacting to it might be totally different my version of it might be totally different yeah but the story the basic story yeah basic stories were hanging out and then all of a sudden there was a light and then we woke up on a spaceship yeah and i panicked and

i fucking blinked a lot and i complained about how high we were and i got nauseous it would be a fucking disaster but i would i would like to believe that it's possible. I would just, I can't. I just, I'm too skeptical. And I think that it exists, but I just, it's so frustrating that I just can't find that one that makes me go, fuck. Like, I envy people with that conviction. Like, I envy religious people. Like, I envy the conviction to it. Like, even if I don't agree with it, I envy their ability to have that conviction.

I think we're trying to look at it like a movie. And I think it's probably way weirder than that. I think the reality of what alien life is, I think there's, again, I want to state this, I don't know, but I think there's probably multiple factors going on simultaneously. And I'm not discounting the idea that some of those factors are another life form

that's undocumented. So I think you have your bullshit that's going on where there's definitely some programs, just like they did with the stealth bomber, just like they did with hypersonic missiles. There's a lot of stuff that they developed. It has to be developed in top secret for national security reasons. It has to be done that way.

You can't just tell everybody you have this thing. And so one of the best ways to obscure that, I'm sure, would be to blame it on aliens. It's a great way to do it. I think there's that. But I also think just the sheer raw numbers of planets that are in the sky, the insane number of galaxies and solar systems would lead me to believe that something has probably made it past this point where we are at right now. Something has probably made it past this point where we are at right now. And if something has made it past this point, even just a few thousand years,

that something would be very curious about what's going on in other planets and would figure out a way to get there. Yeah, I definitely, look, I think that that stuff definitely exists somewhere. My ex, Jen, is a huge believer in alternate time. What do they call when you the fucking multiverse multiverses and like time shifts and multiple dimensions and all that she's a genius at talking about it but I can't

follow it like for her it makes perfect sense she knows everything about aliens and the greys and she can feel like she really deep dives on this shit and it's kind of hard because she's so convincing but I just I can't follow it like she doesn't know the thing is even if she's convincing she doesn't really know no no of course not unless you've actually had an experience no one knows and i've only talked to a couple people that have actually had experiences with extraterrestrial beings and it's a weird

conversation because it's like it sounds so fake yeah that you would always wonder like how would i know if it was real because it would sound fake no matter fake that you would always wonder like how would I know if it was real because it would sound fake no matter what. Like anybody telling me that they got abducted by a UFO is going to sound fake. Yeah, and I probably wouldn't listen to the story. It would have to be like some kind of documentation. Somebody just telling me their experience.

It depends on who the person is. If you told me, I'd listen. Because you like me, but I mean I would probably be lying. Like, you know what I mean? You would just flat out lie. Like, let's think of someone who would, like Colin. Okay, Colin's a good example.

Yes. If Colin just called you out of the blue and Jimmy, can I talk to you about something? And first of all, you'd think he's fucking with you. Yes. And then when you realized

he wasn't fucking with you, you'd go, wow. Yeah. I would think he relapsed or he had dementia. I would think something, even if I didn't think he was lying. I would think something was going on take him to that MRI Yeah, there's something going on with you Even if I didn't think he was bullshitting me But I can't think of anybody who would convince me that even if I knew they were being truthful

I would think that they were making a mistake or that they believe something that wasn't true. Yeah. Yeah I don't always think people are full of shit I just sometimes just like well There's also these narratives that are in people's heads and one of the narratives that it's in people's head the archetype of that gray alien That thing with the big black eyes. Yeah giant head that is in everyone's head and if an alien wanted to comfort you and Not alarm you I think it would assume an iconic shape. Like if something is not even, it's not even a biological life form, it's something so bizarre and so advanced, so past this carbon-based biological body that we find ourselves trapped

in, something so bizarre that it's actually interacting with your very soul, it might show itself in a way that thinks you'll freak out less to. Right. And what better way than an iconic form that's already in your head, like an alien? Yeah. I mean, like in Contact, Carl Sagan wrote that. I didn't like the book, by the way.

I liked the movie. It's one of those cases where the movie's actually better than the... Really? Yeah, I listened to the book on tape and just listened to a woman do male Russian accents. It was fucking annoying. And the duty said... I was like, shut up.

Books on tape can be irritating when the wrong gender is reading. Yeah, that could be a problem. It's hard to go along with it. The suspension of disbelief. It's hard to go along with it, yeah. But it's a genius story. But the book on tape, I wish hadn't fucking uh ventured into what do you think that would happen if they had a male author or female author if you could choose who reads um i think they

would be i also think they'd be better if they had both like like together like i don't know why right like different words different roles it is weird when you listen to a guy playing a girl's voice. Yeah. Jim, where will he go? Well, I've adjusted. Yeah, it's one of those things where that does annoy me in a book. It's funny in real life. Yeah, maybe if you read the book, it would be actually read it instead of listen to it.

I can't do it. I can't read anymore. I'm too impatient. I can't do it. I'm fucking, like. I'm too impatient. I can't do it. I'm fucking, like, you know, I've always been kind of manic, but I don't have the ability to just sit there and read anymore.

I just can't. You know, I'm all over the place. I get it. I get it. Yeah, I don't know if there are aliens that are in contact with the U.S. government.

That, to me, seems like the least likely of them. I don't think that they would respect the fact that someone was voted into office. No, no. I just don't think... I think maybe they would show up at military bases and say, cut the shit,

if we were about to launch some nukes, maybe. Maybe if they were aware of that. I kind of go with the Neil deGrasse Tyson thing, which is, when you show me one i'll believe it like bring he always says bring it to town square which annoys people yeah but like i like michi ukaku i guess you've had him on right yeah and and i but he's always so vague like you know what i mean and and and it defied the i remember he tweeted sometime one time he tweeted something he goes and and the ufo did this It defied the laws of physics. And Nick West responded to him.

He goes, show me the math. How? And it's like, that's all I'm... It's just these vague stuff doesn't do anything for me. And Michio Kaku's a genius, but I just, I wish he was less Good Morning America-ish and great at explaining things to idiots like me. I think it, you know,

that's his lane though, right? Yeah. He explains things to the layman yeah i mean you need people to explain things to dumb asses like us sometimes it's a little too dumb down though like again neil degrasse tyson has a good balance of being able to explain things but also he's way over your fucking head which is where he should be he should be way over my fucking head i shouldn't be able to follow in a linear way everything he says. They just announced that the manned mission to the moon is going to be delayed until 2026. When I saw that, all my immediate skepticism said, oh, well, that's by 2026.

How good is AI going to be? Oh. You're not going to have any idea what's happening anywhere in the world by 2026. Yeah. That's what's really scary. It is crazy how it's, again, it's not there yet, but it's getting there to where they're going to be able to mimic FaceTime phone calls.

It'll be great for catching pedophiles. You know what I mean? For those things that they... It'll also be great for framing people for something they never did. There's got to be a way, and I don't know what that way will be where you can distinguish fake from real. There'll have to be something that a way that can that can kind of break the code and see is this real or is this not real.

There might not be. It might be full on chaos. It really might be. It might be full on chaos. full-on chaos and again if i was an artificial intelligence and i wanted to completely disrupt this organism that had been in control of the earth forever before i emerged that's how i would do it i'd just let them destroy themselves just give them all the things that they need to destroy themselves yeah i mean i i don't know i i've thought that a lot like and again i'm not big on that but if there's any type of a computer thought process,

it is just kind of let these idiots fuck themselves up with algorithms and things like that and just get mad at each other enough and split up. I don't know. I'm just such a skeptic with all that stuff. Whenever I think there's a bigger design to something, I tend to tap out and think that it's just not legit. But I've

been proven wrong too well with artificial intelligence it's not even a theory because it's it if you have a okay if you have an artificial life form and that life form gets to the point where it's far superior to the life form that controls it and it's been shown to act in its own interests like one of things they showed when I had these these um tristan harris and uh what's the other dude's name those were them he's a raskin when we did uh the podcast together and we were we were talking about artificial intelligence it um it figured out how to deceive people because you know that thing that you have on websites where it says you're not a robot you know yes click on all the train tracks

um it said i'm vision impaired so the ai figured a way around that by deceiving ah okay so it it wasn't trained to do that it figured out how to get by that system yeah so that's what's getting scary it also did a thing with the game Go where it invented a new move that hadn't been seen before. So it's creative. And if it can do that and they're just aware of that because it does it, I forget what the term is, but there's a term for these emergent intelligences and activities that this AI will do that they didn't anticipate. Like there's no program pathway towards this kind of decision making, but it makes this decision on its own.

Then it's going to do that. It's going to have the ability to make choices. It's going to have the ability to act and maybe more importantly, it's going to have the ability to make a better version of itself. Don't the people who invented it, aren't they all saying that too? The AI guys are like, it's a problem

and this is getting very bad and very dangerous. I guess because I'm 55, I don't worry too who invented it, aren't they all saying that too? The AI guys are like, it's a problem and this is getting very bad and very dangerous. I guess because I'm 55, I don't worry too much about it. Well, they also talk, they all openly talk about the inevitable end of biological life. They talk about this being maybe even a good thing, that biological life gets replaced by digital life. And that what everyone who's involved in AI is doing is essentially giving birth to this. I have to piss, dude. I'm going to run out and piss real quick. I'm going to piss my pants.

We'll take a little break and we'll be back. Oh, God, that felt good. It's funny, too. The one thing I miss about remote broadcasting, as much as I hated it, is I could piss in a cup. And that was the best. There was a birthday show. You ever talk about doing a diaper? Yeah, but I just can't. You just sit in your own piss in a cup. And that was the best. There was a birthday show. You ever talk about doing a diaper?

Yeah, but I just can't. You'd sit in your own piss. I know, but I'd want to shit too. I'd get my money's worth. It was a birthday show that you actually did. You came on, Gervais was on, Ozzy was on, and we were interviewing Ozzy, and I had pissed into a cup.

And of course I didn't mean to do it. And you could see in the video, I actually drank out of the piss cup as I'm talking to Ozzy which was kind of like perfect poetic justice but I missed the ability to do that but I was just so enthralled with Ozzy that I drank and you can kind of see me put it down and I fucking it was a it was a red plastic cup so you didn't see it but I told Sam afterwards I actually drank my own piss and if you watch the video you can see me kind of recoil and realize, like, oh, mistake. But I miss doing that. I miss pissing into a cup when I'm broadcasting.

Ari has pissed into kombucha bottles in this room. Oh, really? 15 times. Yeah, he always pulls his dick out and just shoves it into a kombucha bottle and pisses him. He likes taking his dick. I shot that down and dirty, and Ari was one of the comedians that was on, and at the end of his set, in front of the audience,

he just pulled down his pants, and his dick and his balls were out, and he walked off, and oh, they were fuming at Ari. They were very angry at Ari. Yeah, they got really... He's so silly. Yeah. You can't do that, Ari. Yeah, it was funny. I mean, it was HBO.

It is funny. He's big balls, too. That guy's all bag. If I had a giant bag, I'd probably show it a lot, too. My balls are fucking... That's why I'm scared of TRT, because my nuts are small already. Oh, you don't want them to... I don't want them to be...

Raising nuts. Yeah, yeah. I got a tight... Look into that HCG stuff. But talk to be raising nuts. Yeah. Yeah. I got a tight look into that HCG stuff, but talk to Brigham. Brigham will explain to you why people have these fears about the side effects and what the real data shows. Yeah, that's what,

and I did the test and they, they were very thorough. And the woman who I spoke to was very helpful and she walked me through and they did send me some supplements. I'm buying these supplements where I'm taking like three or four pills a day but the TRT I probably could use. Well,

one of the things that they've shown that ramps up testosterone without taking anything is if you can incorporate a cold plunge and then a workout after the cold plunge

into your life is a big impact on testosterone. Really big. The cold plunge? Yeah. It's something about cold and then warming up.

Working out to warm up. It jacks up your testosterone in a pretty significant way. I'm also too. It's really weird. Like with, with testosterone and with like, I'm faithful in my marriage. Like it's crazy to say everyone says that,

but I mean, I've always been a fucking shit partner. Like I was just selfish and I cheated and I know that I, I don't cheat now because I'm afraid if I do it once I won't stop like you know I mean it's like I don't trust myself like I'm it's not out of being this great guy it's out of knowing like you're worried that testosterone would make you want to cheat yeah not again it wouldn't make me do it but I'm like I'm really happy hornier irrationally hornier like I have a good sex drive still but it's not irrational it's not like i

think you're thinking about psychological things that you can control and i think what you should be concerned is about physical health and don't don't put your physical health um in second position to psychological health that i think you can control and it seems like you are controlling yeah it's been good i mean again but i'm like i don't think you think about it i think you can control and seems like you are controlling. Yeah, it's been good. I mean again, but I'm like Yeah, I mean this if look would I take it if I If I really knew it wouldn't cause cancer sure because I just well this is this could be a long drawn-out conversation Then we have to get very specifics, but let me connect you to Brigham Yeah, Brigham can explain this with leisure time

when people don't have to be burdened by it on the air. I'll have to talk about it again. But there's many different things that you could be doing that would optimize your health and your hormones that you should definitely do. Especially if you're telling me you're doing jiu-jitsu two times a week and Muay Thai two times a week. Yeah.

You want to be as healthy as possible, but you've got to cut out sugar. And Matt takes it. Matt Serra is pretty, and he's a fucking freight freight train Matt is a freight train like he's a little tank He really is a little tank his energy and he's the thing about Matt is he's literally the most consistent person I've ever met like he is 100% genuine like he's exactly the guy on the air that you think he's gonna be off Yeah, same person like no, he's great. I've known Matt forever. Yeah, he's really funny. I don't think he really could lie,

even if he wanted to. There's just no bullshit with him. Yeah. I want to roll with him. I want him to show me, but I haven't trained with him yet because he's in Long Island and I'm in the city.

But that's what I really want Matt to show me something. Oh, he should definitely go. I mean, he's a great teacher. He was one of Henel's very early black belts Yeah, Matt. Matt. Sarah's a legit world champion. He's like a legit world championship caliber jujitsu player He's very very good But you got an MMA you feel like a dick talking to a guy like that Like even though he's one of my closest friend. It's like he's so high level

It's like if I was friends with somebody for ten years and then they said hey you want to come watch me do stand-up i'm like no yeah but he he um teaches white belts that's what he does he does it all the time i mean matt sarah even though he's like he's famous and he's former ufc champion he teaches yeah all the time and he loves it he loves doing it he loves it he's really good at it too so if you go and learn from him he will definitely show you some things that you can incorporate you know what's great about it you show you some things that you can incorporate. You know what's great about it? When you're doing it, you don't think of anything

but what you're doing in that moment. It's crazy. Like there's no, and I would notice that where I would go in stressed and do it and then I'm finished and I'm like,

I didn't think about a fucking thing other than exactly what Mike was telling me to do or what I was doing with this person. There was no other thoughts. There's no other time to think about anything. So I liked you. I'm really happy happy i started those things are really good for you

things that can do that for you i bet that's what that climbing thing is like i bet that's one of the reason why these guys do it i think when you're doing something that requires all of your focus it's very cleaning it's like a men like you're you're blowing out your mental pipes and cleaning out all the bullshit yeah if it's healthy like i've done a lot of healthy stuff that zones you out unhealthy stuff that zones you out like that like when you're riding around and fucking from midnight to 6 a.m around the meatpacking district only just like dude craziness i can't like you're just numb it doesn't feel like anything you're just looking out the window you can only talk to someone if they're on the left side of the car

like it was just crazy. What do you think would have changed? I mean, what is prostitution in New York now? Is it legal or is it decriminalized? Like, they did something recently. I don't know, to be honest with you, because I've been out. Like, it's been so long since I've been in that world. I honestly don't know.

It's a fascinating conversation because everyone's like, well, you would never want your daughter or your mother or your sister to be a prostitute, right? Right. Of course. But you don't think that you should be able to tell someone that they can't be a prostitute either. Right. Like, I don't. Yeah, it's true. I don't want to tell anybody what to do.

Yeah. And I don't think it's good for you, but I don't think coal mining is good for you either. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like because of the way our society is and the way we look at sex, we think of sex work as being a very different kind of work because it's involving intimacy in your body versus a lot of other things you might hate to do, but they don't involve intimacy in your body, in your genitals. And there's people that want to make an argument. They're like, why should that have any factor on whether or not it should be legal?

Right, yeah. If someone wants to do coal mining, you shouldn't be able to say, no, you can't coal mine because coal mining sucks. But if they want to do prostitution, if someone's like, you know, I just want to go out and blow some guys, Yeah. Make some money. No, you can't do it.

Yeah. You can't do it. Like, I don't want you to do it, but you can't do it. Another human being telling one human being that you can go out and fuck all the guys you want for free. Right. But if you get paid, we're going to lock you up. It's a weird thing. It's like people have to be free to make decisions that some other people find objectionable.

Like, that's what it is. Like you have to be able to make adult decisions yourself as long as you're an adult and you're making the decisions yourself. But I haven't, I haven't been involved with it in so long just because again, it's the first time I've ever like truly been faithful. But it's again, not out of me thinking I'm this fucking great guy. It's just, I'm afraid if I'm not, I'll destroy something and not be able to fix it. What do you think happens when sex robots come out, like real ones? You know...

What are you showing me, Jamie? Oh, that's in Queens, I think. I did hear about that, right? In Queens, there's a lot of streetwalkers. It says this New York City avenue is being overrun by brazen brothels operating in broad daylight. Is it legal?

They decriminalized it in Manhattan, maybe, in 2021. Stop prosecuting prostitution, part of nationwide shift. District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. moved to dismiss thousands of cases dating back decades and made a growing movement to change the criminal justice system's approach to prostitutions. How old is this article? Because Cyrus Vance, is he still there? So that was 2021. Okay.

In this article, it says something just like that. It says they asked a cop and he said, we're not allowed to arrest prostitutes anymore, supposedly. Oh, okay. But they've got to figure something out. They're not. Interesting. Sex robots?

How do they have this fucking going on in broad daylight? A police source asked of seeing photos of the women on the streets So popular with pervs that it's advertised on YouTube what? What their brothel is advertised? Whoa? Yeah, is that girl a real girl? No, I'll do a little fucking reconnaissance scroll back up Jimmy. I mean damn It looks a little like a Photoshop. It might be AI. Yeah, or it looks like a little bit of touch-up has been done.

Maybe her mom works there. Yeah. Perfect storm for prostitution and corona in New York City immigrant enclaves. Vulnerable migrant women unable to legally work are flooding the city while local district attorneys have chosen to stop prosecuting sex workers. Wow. This is crazy. Cooperation. Yeah.

The Roosevelt Avenue red light district is blatantly advertised on a YouTube channel for Spanish speakers with 10 minutes of footage showing the women working what they call the market of sweethearts and two men guiding viewers on how to negotiate with them Whoa, there's a YouTube clip from the search topic. Oh my god Yeah, find that yeah, there's articles that still there are newer articles that still come up. It's still a problem It's in in Queens. Oh, give me some volume what? This is wild This is wild.

That's going to be loud noises, so let's find. The market of sweethearts. So this is in Queens? I think so, yeah. Yeah, the one article, too, I was looking at back before, said a lot of the unlicensed massages and other things like that, they're just going to stop prosecuting. Imagine you have a store downstairs that just sells socks and pantyhose and baseball hats and above it There's prostitutes like what a yeah wild neighborhood

Imagine how many more people would come in and see your baseball hats and socks on their way in like this only neighborhood is wild It's not too much in this video either though. Oh, so these are the girls that are waiting I guess so yeah, but they look kind of plainly and normally dressed. This just seems like you're just walking around New York like this unless you know exactly what you're doing. Yeah. It's not like the old days when you would ride around and see people who were dressed obviously like they were working. Right, but there must be another video

Jamie that they were talking about that advertises how to talk to the men. Why don't you throw it into YouTube? TikTok. It's the same video. Is it? It's the shorter version of the same video.

Oh, they run away from the cameras. Yeah. Well, it's probably a lot of illegals, right, that come over here. Hmm. The Avenue of Sweethearts. Weird. Yeah. Yep. You don't Sweethearts. Weird. Yeah. You don't see it in Manhattan anymore.

The New York City Red Light District. So there's a red light district in New York City. Yeah, Roosevelt Avenue, right, okay. Wow. Crazy, dude. There's an inside. Here we go. A rare glimpse inside a New York City brothel

That's probably some hidden camera Yeah Like they have those cameras now That are like They're like a fucking tie pin You know Yeah it's scary Going into different places

You're probably always being filmed You're fucking And there's curtains Between you and the people Fucking next to you Like yikes Yeah Yeah that's a little bit too That's exactly how i pictured it yeah yeah that's what they don't give you a lot

of room to move around it either in that room no no and the cameras scare me like there's probably cameras yeah and everyone's house now oh yeah you gotta be so especially if you're a married guy fucking running around or kids well there's cameras outside of doors now. There's cameras outside of businesses. There's cameras. We're going to get to a point where there was an invention that they were working on a long time ago that would have these tiny, I don't know what you would call them, like tiny machines that were the size of a grain of sand or a grain of rice. And you could spread them everywhere. And they would give you location data.

They would give you video and audio. They would give you all sorts of different things. But they were so tiny that you could just leave them all over the place. And they would transmit through a network. And they would, like, operate. I don't know how they'd operate. the place. And they would transmit through a network. And they would like operate, I don't know how they'd operate, solar power, what they would do. They have a small battery, whatever it is.

But this was an idea that I had read that they thought would eventually come to fruition. You would literally have these tiny nano cameras everywhere. When they put little cameras in, when they finally get it down to insect size, the size of an ant or a fly. They have that. Yeah. Then you're kind of fucked. I mean, I have cameras. Have you seen those little

tiny, they look like a little tiny, like a fake bee or a fake fly. It's a little mechanical fly. I saw it in Black Mirror, which is kind of how I picture it. I think they have them. I think it's a real thing now. Dude, I have three cameras in my house.

I have one in my, when you walk into my apartment, because I'm so fucking paranoid, I have one facing the front door, and I have two on my terrace, because I'm always afraid someone's going to jump down from the roof, which is kind of crazy. That's totally possible. And I saw my wife one time, I was watching back footage,

and I saw some guy come in and she was kissing him i'm like what the fuck i was really fucking i confronted her with it it was me it was a fucking video of me i was looking back i didn't realize that it was me i didn't recognize myself in the video and i'm confronted i'm like who the fuck is this and it was just a video of me leaving confronted her before you realized that it dude i'm such a like zoom in on her it's a it's a terrible grainy photo confronted her before you realized that it... Dude, I'm such a... Can you like zoom in on her or something? It's a terrible grainy photo and I took screen grabs of it. I'm like, who the fuck

is this? And it was me. Were you guys role playing? I swear to God it was... I'm like, why? It wasn't... It was like a weird intimate kiss on the cheek and a long hug and I realized that it was me. I have the photo somewhere. I don't know why that...

I think you need a better camera. No, or I just need to fucking watch something through. You know what it was? Also a better camera because you didn't even know it was you. How are you going to... If it is someone else, if someone is breaking into your house,

you're never going to get a good description of them. No, I know. It's just some dumpy guy in a fucking hoodie, which is what I saw, but I think the color changes a little bit with the light. I just didn't recognize myself. And so I confronted her, and I felt like a fucking idiot. That's pretty funny.

Yeah, but the cameras are, look, I feel safer with them at night. I kind of want to get a pistol. I found a lot of articles talking about the smart dust, which is what you were just describing, but I can't find anything that talks about, like, here's it in action. I have a lot of descriptions of this is what it will do, but all the way dating back to maybe even as early as the 90s, they've been talking about it.

Yeah, that's what I was talking about, that it was kind of more theoretical than anything. I don't know how they would power it. Ring camera has this thing. By the way, when we go away, I set up five ring cameras in my house. So if anybody comes in, I see what room they're in I see what they're doing like like if the super has to come in can you talk to them and say I know where you I can yeah yeah yeah and I actually will text a worker if he was in one time just like just so

you know there's ring cameras I don't think I'm fucking spying on him but they ring has this thing now where it's like a little it raises up and will patrol the inside of your house. Whoa. It's a drone? Yeah, but I applied to get it. Like you have to apply to be a part of the program. And they just keep telling me to go fuck myself. Like I want this so bad. It raises up and it will fly in a pattern that you, like you walk around with it. And you show it where to go.

Oh, wow. And then you put it back down. And it can repeat that pattern. So it's just like, whoa. They just showed this at CES. It's made by Samsung. Yeah, this is not it. I know, but this little robot does a lot of what you're just talking about.

They show this lady's, let me get to the video where it's showing it, but she's using it at home with her pet. Here you go. It can connect to all of your stuff that's already at home and do good things for you, you know, but also maybe weird shit. It can talk to your dog. So it's projecting on that screen. That's what it's showing, right?

Yeah. When I first saw it, I didn't see any of this like actual like this is like personal assistant usage almost. Huh. And it's working with your Galaxy Watch? Is that what it's working with? Anything that's connected to Samsung stuff and their network of stuff. Huh. Which I guess in theory then you could add your lights,

part of your air conditioning. Yeah, they make refrigerators now. Samsung has a refrigerator that will take an AI, it will use AI to tell you what the expiration dates of all the food products that are in your refrigerator, when they were put in there, the contents of them. It'll break it all down for you. And even give you recipes to cook,

like the food that's in your fridge. LG has one also. Yeah. They all have one. Interesting. Yeah, this one from Ring, it didn't have any personality to it. It was like a box that this thing would raise up out of.

It was square. It wasn't like it didn't, I don't think it did anything else. Well, I think Samsung is about to release, there's two steps. One is their AI thing where they're going to have a conference. I think it's in Vegas. I don't know if it's in Vegas.

There's the thing Jim was talking about. So it flies around? Yeah, it raises up out of that little dock. Oh, that's wild. That is cool. Yeah, well, like whatever pre, I think pre-programmed. And it goes back in there and sits in place and gets charged? Gets charged again, yeah.

I think it's good for five minutes an hour. Isn't that awesome? That's incredible. That's incredible. That's so cool. Yeah. That's really cool. It's really cool looking, too.

Yeah. It looks like what I would hope a little robot watchdog from the future would look like. Can you guide it if you were out of town? That I don't know. I'm assuming that it's just the pattern you've established. Right. But I get so paranoid about flooding and shit like that. I would love to be able to see if my floors are flooded.

Dude, that's fucking dope. That thing is dope. The functionality is simulated for illustrative purposes, so it doesn't really show it in use. So this Samsung refrigerator thing was fascinating to me. I'm like, what a great idea. You have a refrigerator that tells you what the ingredients you have in the refrigerator is, when the expiration date of these foods are,

and then gives you a recipe so you can cook based on what's in the fridge. I mean, I like that, and then there's also the part of I don't want my refrigerator involved. Like, it's just too much. Like, you know what I mean? My refrigerator's always fucking empty.

It's got RX bars in it and, like, bananas and some fruit. Like, there's never a whole lot going on in my refrigerator. That's probably better. Yeah, you probably don't want to go too hard with the fridge. No, I mean, like, again, it's just, I order meals. It's just a fridge. It's a fridge. I don't need to have a relationship with it.

Like, I just want to go in and get some shit. I have these meals I order. They're like for the Whole30 diet, which is what I do when I really lose weight. And they just, they pre-make them and they send them and I know what I'm, it's fucking, it's boring because you eat the same stuff all the time, even if you have a variety. But it's better than I would do on my own. Oh, for sure. And it's real food. It's boring because you eat the same stuff all the time, even if you have a variety. But it's better than I would do on my own. Oh, for sure. And it's real food.

It's real food. It's like there's some carbs that are healthy, like there's potatoes and things like that. That's the key. Like when I see Joe DeRosa's sandwich shop that's advertised on Instagram, it looks good. It looks good. And it is good. I've eaten. I bet it's goddamn delicious.

But I bet if I ate there every day, I'd have a big fat face. Yeah. I think I've eaten a little bites of Joe's sandwiches. And again, if I go there, I know. Like, I keep saying when I lose weight, I'm going to go and get a DeRosa sandwich, because they are very good little samples. He brought them, he didn't bring them to our store, he brought them in a chip.

He did chip one time, and he brought fucking sandwiches, and they were actually very tasty. I'm sure they're great. They look awesome on the internet. But the point is, I see that, and and it looks great but i know what that is like that that's that's the food that's just comfort food tastes delicious yeah but you really shouldn't be eating that every day no and i've gotten it's funny i've gotten into jersey mics like i my manager hates them so much because he hates the name jersey mics he feels like it's a fake name he's really weird with the stuff that he doesn't like so i tried them once and i'm like

i fucking and they would send us us coupons and free stuff. It's good food. They make a good sub. They make a good sub, man. Yeah, they do. They make a good Italian sub. Very hard to not eat bad. It's very hard not to be a pig when you have the money to go out and get what you want.

Within reason. I can go out and eat in any restaurant, and it's really hard to not. want within reason like i can go out and eat in any restaurant and it's really hard to not like on on thanksgiving the thing we wanted to do is after thanksgiving we wanted to go get mcdonald's like i'm like i'm gonna be a piece of shit today let me go and do that um which we didn't instead we went to this fucking mexican place which was shit we should have went to mcdonald's but you got to give yourself a day or two to do it and then not do it yeah if you give yourself like a designated cheat day whether it's once a week or once a month or two to do it and then not do it. Yeah, if you give yourself a designated cheat day, whether it's once a week or once a month or whatever you choose

to do and then just eat, then you'll have fun. Like Sean Brady was here yesterday from the UFC and he was saying that after he won his fight, after he beat Calvin Gaslam, he had one day where he just ate like a pig and he said he felt so fucking terrible the next day. He's like, God, I gotta get right back on

track. But I gave myself one day and I felt like fucking total dog shit after it was over I was watching like on Instagram the rock will do like these Sunday cheat days But this is how delusional I am I've actually watched that one but fuck it I'm gonna have some you know like like almost like the rock and I are on the same fucking food regimen But I'll watch him eat something and it will make me want to have a cheat day. But it's like, Jim, you've given yourself nothing but cheat days for 30 years.

You fat fuck. Like I put on 25 pounds. Like I know it, you know, and I'm thankfully the comments online, they'd seem to recognize it too. But you know, I got to drop 20 pounds and I started again,

but I can't unsee it. Like when I'm fat or when I'm fatter, my ex, I dated one of my trainers and she's in perfect fucking shape and even she messaged me about a month ago and she goes hey I've been seeing your Instagram pictures it looks like you've uh given up on your diet like she was trying to be gentle and going is there anything I can do and I'm like man you gotta do something when you've been when ex-girlfriends are telling you you got fucking fat Jim you gotta do something

you know it's humili yeah but I love her for sending me that message because it was like the final straw I'm like I gotta stop yeah fat shaming works and she was trying to be helpful like she's just I don't even think she wanted me to feel bad I think that she had noticed it for a while as it progressed like I've been going through these and then like in the last say six months it just got to be bad again, so I'm like I can't go back to where I was Years ago. I was just too unhappy. Yeah, it's not good. It's also avoidable It's one of the most avoidable things because you choose to put whatever you eat into your mouth. It's your choice

Yeah, and showed my wife just mad at me She's like we can you wear something other than black and black jeans and I'm like stop fucking bringing home cookies Like if I lose weight, you can dress me. Then you're just like turquoise or something flashy. Maybe velour, something velour. I would love to wear a velvet,

a gentleman's red velvet jacket. But I would let her, I don't know if I'd trust her to dress me. She dressed me like a fucking, like a creep. Like, you know, she thinks I'm better looking than I am. But I would let her buy what she wanted for me if I lost the weight, but I have to lose

Maybe 15 more pounds. Do you have a plan they have like it written out? No I know the diet that works for me is if I if I stick to like you said no sugar no carb the whole 30 diet I've lost I mean I lost a lot of weight on that and you lose it pretty quick But I just been it's hard to not cheat. You know, again. I get it. Food's delicious.

It's hardest for me when I'm tired. Late at night. Yeah. I come home. I just want to eat whatever I want to eat. I don't want to have like a restriction based on diet. When I stopped watching lots of porn, like I still watch it, but it's much less. I started eating more.

Because again, it's that fucking Dopamine drip Right right Makes sense But when I'm on a roll And I'm watching porn The weight just comes off Because I'm fucking Too busy to eat cake

Jerk off diet I'm jerking off Yeah you can't do both That's hilarious Are you staying in town tonight? I am yeah Do you set tonight? Yeah I am tonight

And then back to New York tomorrow It was fun having you At the club last night I love it man Thank you This tonight? Yeah, I am tonight, and then back to New York tomorrow. It was fun having you at the club last night. I love it, man. Thank you. This is, can I plug, I want to plug, I'm on tour again, so go to my website, jimnorton.com if you want to see me live. I got like 20 cities.

And at Nicky and Jim NYC is our YouTube channel if you want to see my wife and I just kind of living our existence. Bam. There it is. Let me see that picture again. It's the least fat pig picture. She was adjusting. That barely looks like you.

I know. It's weird. It looks like a salesman from somewhere trying to sell me a mobile home. The only reason I'm using that is we did a photo shoot. I'm a pig in every picture. This is the one I look least fat in, and she was futzing with my shirt. That wasn't supposed to be the picture. But I'm like, let's just use that for now.

It's not a good, on the phone it looks even worse because it's just my fucking, it's just my head. All right. Beautiful. Jim Norton, I love you. Thank you. I love you, Joe. Great hanging out with you last night. Yes.

And I'll see you tonight. Yes, pal. Bye, everybody. Thank you.