The Joe Rogan Experience - #2087 - Ron White

Episode Date: January 16, 2024

Ron White is a stand-up comic, actor, and author. He is also back on tour, with all available dates at: www.tatersalad.com

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day ron white has brought a wandering puppy into this studio and she's tangling the wires now yeah you know what we can just put her out there there's a they got new puppies out there let's just put her outside she doesn't need to be around these wires. Let's have her do that and play with the puppy. Yeah, she'll do that. How old is she, six months? Six months.

She's adorable. What's her name again? Maddie. She has like a rug that shits. That's what she is, man. She's a little adorable little cutie pie. She's a golden doodle. Micro golden doodle is what they're calling her.

Micro golden doodle. Yeah. So that's about how big she's supposed to be. That's it? That's as big as they get? That one's supposed to. I hope so. Isn't it weird?

I still got to cram them on planes and shit when I want to travel. Those things all came from wolves. Did they really? Yeah. I don't know anything about where she came from. I got it from a breeder. All dogs came from wolves. They did?

It's just incredible that they can get a dog down to that. I mean, even a German Shepherd. Imagine turning a German Shepherd into a Chihuahua. How? How'd they do that? I'm glad I'm not the one they're asking how to do it, because I would have to say, I have no idea, dude. I don't even think they know how people did it. You get two chihuahuas and let them bang.

That's the only... You get the boss chihuahua. I wonder if you can go back up to a wolf. Whether you can take chihuahuas and get back... Reverse DNA those things back into a creature. Yeah. Make it harder for them to live. Is it hot in here? No. It's not? No.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Then I miscalculated something. I got a miscalculation going on in my head. No, we're good. It's like, what is it in here? 70? It's cold as shit outside. Yeah, it is. I'm up in the air on the

22nd floor. I'm still living in the condo. It is breezy up there. Yeah, boy, you open up that sliding glass door, you get a taste of reality. A couple days ago, we could barely shut it or open it. There was just so much pressure against it. We were in Midland on Wednesday or Thursday night to do a show, thanks to you. If you'd have just let me retire, I wouldn't have been in Midland. I'm sitting on my bus, my 60,000-pound tour bus,

and it is shaking in the wind. It is blowing so hard. And I've owned that bus 17 years. I've never felt anything like this. And it's just shaking. And the bus driver had to drive it from there to Houston for the next night's show. He got up 10 hours later just wrassling that steering wheel,

trying to keep that thing on the road oh my god his shoulders were killing him his back was sore it looked like he'd been in a fight all night long 10 hours what a bus is such a big target for wind too there's so much surface area they go sail yeah and uh but luckily they weigh a lot so they're 60 000 pounds and uh you know so it's pretty stable compared to a trailer right that somebody's pulling right there's no weight in that all that weight's right here that stuff really blows around worse than we do yeah i would imagine we have got weight distribution just the whole trailer i know all about this shit if you want to know any of it just ask me questions okay all right the hinge think of something between the two trailers if something

goes sideways i would imagine that would be a lot harder to get back on track i don't know jack shit about that in fact i don't i don't in fact i've owned my bus for 17 years i've never driven it one foot and if you held a gun to my head and said i'm'm going to kill you if you don't move this bus, I'd say, you're going to have to kill me, dude, because I don't even know how to start it. I've never been curious. I'm not that kind of person. I own a jet for years. I never went in the cockpit.

I couldn't tell you what goes on up there. I'm sure the people up there knew how to fly a plane, but I've never started it. I've never moved it. I've had cops bang on. You've got to move it. You're blocking an alley. I'm sorry, dude. dude you got the wrong guy and the guy that says the driver is asleep right now because he's got to drive tomorrow night so it's kind of sitting where it's sitting unless you guys want to tow it you've had that happen yeah oh yeah i had uh yeah because drivers can only drive so

long yeah well you drive 500 miles and then you're then they go on overdrive so they make the same for the next couple hours that they made for the whole day so they like that but you but there are laws against how much that they can run without without needing some rest and we run that bus at night so you know they got to sleep during the day you're banking on people being able to stay awake people fall asleep at the wheel sometimes. Yeah, you got to go with super pros and pay them well, you know, because those guys understand how important it is. You know, you got everything on this thing. Yeah.

You know, my life, my friends' lives, you know. Yeah. And my family, you know, that's who I've spent the most time with in the last, whatever, 30 years. And, you know, so you get a pro that knows how to sleep knows how to do it knows how to work it knows how to work those hours and you know i got a great guy now that i just picked up named steve who used to work for prevo's fixing them and uh fred the pats who used to built the bus so i got the bus covered man that's nice

because you got like a little traveling apartment yeah it's spot it's the greatest you ought to get one in fact i was looking at him the other day for you i did i'm not getting one of those you're not too you got a place to store it park it in one of your gyms no just the thought of traveling around on highways while you're just kind of, you're hoping all these other people around you can keep their shit together. Right. You just have regular people, not pilots, regular people driving multi-thousand pound machines on rubber tires tires weaving in and out of lanes. Yeah, you can't ever come on my bus with thoughts like that. Spewing them out there. I'll never sleep again.

Some guy just caught in front of me the other day. Didn't see me on the highway. I don't think. I think he just caught right in front of me and I was like, wow. Never saw you. I don't think he saw me. I think he just turned in my lane. I think, you know, it was a left lane thing.

He was going into the left lane. I just don't think he saw me i think he just turned in my lane i think you know it was a left lane thing he was going into the left lane i just don't think he saw me i you know the the problem with that with that bus is that you get so used to it and you're so used to living on it when it's moving and uh you kind of forget that you're standing there but you're really going 70 miles an hour so if something happens and this happened one time we were in orlando and it was actually a cop that did it cut in front of the bus i'm standing there washing dishes or whatever i was doing and then pat's got to hit the brakes and turn to the left from going for now i'm going 70 miles an hour i'm still going 70 miles an hour but he's going 52 and going that way and i'm going 70 miles an hour this way and uh i landed on this chair, which looks padded,

but it doesn't feel padded when you hit it. And I thought I would never walk again or breathe again after I just walked away from it. I wouldn't even hurt. But you got to sit down and remember, hey, this thing's moving, right? So if something happens, you got to be ready for it to happen. Yeah. And I sleep like a baby on it.

Ooh, that's crazy. In fact, I spend like a baby on it. Ooh, that's crazy. In fact, if I spend too much time on it, I gotta hire somebody to shake my bed when I'm at home, just a little bit, so I feel like I'm moving down the road. If we wanted to look at the bright side of human beings, highways are a pretty good indicator that people, for the most part, keep it together. For the most part. I think that's really how you can really tell when you're back in america and how good we are at putting a country together you know is how good our roads are compared to you know you it's really funny if you cross the bridge from reynolds in

mexico to macao in texas which i used to do all the time it was a joint project so the u.s built half the bridge mexico built half the bridge and i'm not being a racist and i love mexican people i just got back from mexico city but our side of the bridge is smooth as silk and as soon as you hit that river boom boom boom boom boom but that just goes to what you just said it's a it's a mark of what you've achieved as a as a as a civilization the kind of road work that you've got and you get back to tex Texas where we got those U-turn lanes on the freeway. We got it figured out here in Texas, man. We got the best roads ever. Best roads ever.

It's just counting on all those people to keep their shit together all the time while you're driving on the highway. And most people do it. Most people people the vast majority of us keep our shit together that's why i think bus drivers should make more than pilots because there's way more shit to run into oh yeah way more and way more things that can make mistakes that are all around you're right the things that are completely out of your control that isn't going on up in the sky there there There's also people play stupid road games. I'm sure you've seen those.

People get aggressive with each other on the road. When you're in a car, and this was explained to me, I forget who told us. Who told us this? The reason why road rage really exists at such a hyper level is because you're really tuned in because you're driving the car. It's an extraordinary thing. You know things are happening fast. Your mind really tuned in because you're driving the car. It's an extraordinary thing. You're really, you know, you know things are happening fast, your mind's tuned in, so any little thing, like, what the fuck? Yeah, right.

Because you're already at, like, seven. Right. And so when you're already at seven and something happens, it just freaks you out. You know, it's amazing how even-headed I think I am, but what really little it takes to set me off. You know, I like to think I'm a step above all that stuff. But I was in Mexico City the other day, and this guy,

I needed to find something, a pharmacy. And so this guy was in the nice Beverly Hills part of Mexico City. And this guy's walking. He's got a business suit on. And I literally, I don't look that great. My hair is all over the place. And I said, can you tell me where a pharmacy is? And the guy didn't even look at me just kept on running i said please could you just tell me where a pharmacy is and the guy didn't even look at me i said fuck you know i went off on the fucking guy you know he was just trying to get

where he was going and didn't want to be stopped by some big hairy drug addicted looking thing you know that was coming at him you do look a little sketchy. If you're asking for where the pharmacy is and I don't know who you are, I can see some suspicious thoughts. I'm basically wearing pajamas and the wind's blowing, but that's how far I am away from really snapping. I'm not hovering above anything, I don't think. There was always the joke that you'd go to pharmacies in Mexico and just buy anything. Is that true? Because people would always say that.

They would call them, like, Mexican. I was always calling them Mexican supplements. Yeah. Like steroids and things that people could buy over there. Is that true? I think there are some things that you can get, like Valium and stuff like that. But you can't go down there and get, like, opioids or, you know. I don't think

so you know i don't know i don't know i'm just i mean according to a few tiktok videos i've seen you can walk in and get lots of like steroid type stuff for sure i'm looking on like for some yeah you can get hgh and stuff like that but that's not what you're talking about i'm talking about everything like what can you yeah yeah no i don't think it's really that open a book. I know you can get cheap dental care down there. But I think they decriminalized a lot of things in Mexico fairly recently. This isn't anything that crazy. You can get that stuff here.

Lexa Pro. So you can just go in with no prescription and buy. Viagra. But the weird ones, like Lexa Pro, that's like an antidepressant, right? I have no idea what that is. You could just go buy penicillin. Yeah, and why not? I mean, why should you have to go through it? If you know you need penicillin, your dick's dripping, get something for it.

Go down there and patch it up. You don't want to admit it to anybody. That thing is a Viagra. It's a blue pill itself. That's hilarious. Look at the dick on that. What does it say? Macho Caliente?

Very hot. That's what that means. Very hot. It's a pharmacy with a dude with a boner. What does it say? Macho Caliente? Very hot. That's what that means. Very hot. It's a pharmacy with a dude with a boner. He's got abs, too. He's got a little gut. It's like a mix between me and Rogan.

He's got a big old fucking upper body and a gut hanging down there. It's a human Viagra pill with a boner at a pharmacy. And a Sobrero. And a Sobrero. It's too bad you can't see this. Oh, I guess some people watch this on television, right? Yeah, some of them do, yeah.

Isn't that that thing from like the ancient times? Yes, it is, but it's also, I think it's a sleeping pill. Oh, okay. Right, but it's right next to a bottle of shampoo, right? Or that's lotion, body lotion, right? Isn't it kind of ironic that Soma, is it sleeping medication? Fun of what it is because the the original soma was like from relaxer muscle relaxer so the original soma they don't even know what it was they've just there's all sorts of uh questions as to what it was they think it had something to do with mushrooms perhaps but it might have been a bunch of other psychedelics too they don't know what it was i still don't know what it is have you heard the term no you never heard the term soma

it's like an ancient term for like some sort of a magical elixir am i saying that right yeah i mean this when i google it it says it itself is also a god so i don't even some drink is most famous ancient indian drug soma this is right down my alley made from a plant called soma is a god I don't even... Some drink is most famous. I want some. Ancient Indian drug, Soma. This is right down my alley. Made from a plant called Soma is a god and a drink that was used as an offering to the gods in some Vedic rituals. Soma was celebrated at an early period as shown in the hymns of the Rig Veda. Wow. From when?

They don't really, oh, fucking thousands of years ago. When was that? And they still use this today? No, it's just, you know, it's used as like a term, as like a soma,

as like a thing that cures all. A soma is a thing that clears minds. This is insane. It's just a... Some, you know, there's various interpretations of what it does. But it's kind of crazy that they named a muscle relaxant that. Like how brazen. How brazen.

I bet you do feel better though overall. I bet you feel great. Yeah, my muscles are pretty relaxed all the time. Yours aren't. You need the muscle relaxant. What do those do to you? They just conk you out? They make me play better golf because it takes the tension out of my shoulders and my swing.

Yeah, a lot of golfers use all kinds of meds to get loose. Or they actually go down to Stretch Lab and get those muscles all stretched out so you can play. I've heard with pool players, Percocets is a big one. Well, that's all nerves, right? I mean, if you can't— Is that what Percocets do a big one. Well, that's all nerves, right? I mean, if you can't... Is that what Percocets do? Well, yeah, I think so. You know, call them your nerves

or deadnum or whatever, you know? I've never taken it. I've been watching this. There's a pool player that comes up on my feed now, and he's like an old, kind of chubby, fat, Mexican-looking guy.

And he's like the greatest pool player that ever lived. Efren Reyes. Is that who it is? From the Philippines. Fuck, man. I've been watching that guy play a little bit. Once it gets on my TikTok, it starts feeding to me if I know I eat it.

You know, they'll go, oh, here, have another one, have another one. But I liked watching the guy play fucking pool. I'm just like, God, he's fearless. He's got ice water just pumping through his veins, you know? He's a wizard, man, like a real wizard. He does things on a pool table. There he is. Yeah, that guy right there.

That guy's all over my TikTok feed now. I can't get him off. He does things on a pool table that are, like, magical. How old is he? Well, he's older now. You know, he's probably in his late, yeah, like 69, it says. And he's still old for pool play. He still plays all the time.

They live stream videos of him playing people down in the Philippines. That's what I'm getting, I think. Yeah, so they have these setups. Efren Reyes is, you know, really arguably the greatest pool player in the history of pool players. And he's now still playing all the time online and he plays online and he's not as good as he was when he was in his prime because he's you know he's 69 years old it's a young man's game i know i played pool my whole life we had a pool table at my house when i was a kid and uh so so i i always like watching you watching trick players and people that could run the table and do weird shots and stuff like that.

This guy changed the way people stroke the ball. He came along and he had this very loose and relaxed hand grip on the cue. Right. Whereas some of the American players, they were a little too tight with their hand on the cue. American players, they were a little too tight with their hand on the cue. And Efford came along, and it was like this flowing sort of like almost like he was playing a musical instrument. Right. And the way he did it is so relaxed that his stroke, like the way the cue ball would dance around the table was wild to watch, man.

Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued about because I don't know exactly what I'm seeing. But I was watching it on that, and you can see he does have a different motion into the ball. It even looks like, you know, with that. Well, you've played pool before. Yeah. Right? So if you've played pool before, you know, like, when someone looks like they're good. Yeah. Like, oh, that guy looks like he can play pool.

You watch that guy, and you're like, oh, this is like a completely different kind of thing. And then you would guess that I would guess if I saw him on the street that I could beat him at pool And then he would have all my money and I would go what the fuck happened to me just now they brought him over to America under a fake name to hustle with them. They brought him over a Cesar Morales So these backers they came from the Philippines these dudes of big money They came to America and they brought that dude. No shit. Yeah, that's their killer.

And they brought him. The pool world is so sneaky that they brought him in under a fake name because they didn't want people to ask around back to the Philippines, like people to make calls to the Philippines. Hey, who's this Efren Reyes guy? And then everybody would just say, oh, he's the best. He's the best. So instead, they just came up with a name, Cesar Morales.

And he won this giant tournament as Cesar Morales. It's like a famous. No shit. Yeah, I have it on a t-shirt, that. Morales stuns field at Reds. So they just bring him in to the biggest pool tournament in the country. And this guy's just robbing everybody. Just robbing everybody just robbing

everybody just just getting out in ways that people like oh my god like his stroke is knowledge of where the balls go on the creativity just a genius genius genius a virtuoso yeah well I actually knew nothing about it because I figured out that I liked watching him. Right. But you could still tell. Yeah. Even though you don't play a lot of pool, you look at that, you could tell.

You're like, wow. That's wild. Yeah, I never played a lot of pool. I was never good. I never had a good eye for the game. I played a lot so I could play. I could beat my friends. Yeah.

But if somebody came in, it was like ping pong. I beat the guys on my block pretty bad, but if somebody came in that was a player, i could beat it i beat the guys on my block pretty bad but if somebody came in that was a player they could just push me around and shove me out of the door i've had a couple fun opportunities to play like real pros here like this guy uh fedor gorst he's uh probably number two or number three in the world incredible player and me and him played for hours here. And we're playing. It's wild just to watch him up close do things. You go, what the fuck? Like, how are you doing that so effortlessly?

Yeah. It's like watching a professional golfer when you play golf, you know? The smoothness and the precision. It's just like, fuck, man. Yeah. I watch pro golfers, and I get to play with them every once in a while and it's actually kind of like that guy's loose thing you know that's how that golf swing is it's really loose and it's and it's uh and nothing's really connected hard to anything and it just the way it comes through the ball just something magic happens yeah it's a i'm trying to strangle the

club and beat it to death and it doesn't work at all. Do you have a good drive? I'm writing a book right now, 50 Years of Bad Golf, How I Did It. I had a plan to do it this bad for so long. Tony says you play good. You know what? I'm back like I was at anything. I can beat guys my age. If you don't know me and we're playing golf together, I'll kick your ass.

But am I a player? No, there are guys 10 years older than me that can beat me to death on a golf course. Any of those old pro guys that I hook up with every once in a while, daily can still beat me like a drum. Isn't it interesting? It's like there's a control of a game like that. What an extraordinary talent. Because it's so variable.

There's so many things going on. You literally do never do the same thing twice the whole time you play golf your whole life because something's going to be different about the wind and the way and the where you went and the kind of lie you got on the ground, what club you need to get to that. It's all a game of questions, and you rarely have the answer. Even Ben Hogan, who was arguably the best ball striker ever, said that in an average day of golf, he hits two shots the way he wanted to, exactly, and the rest of them are close to that.

So his misses are really good. So if I hit one shot a month that i about that i'll go that was perfect and uh and that's that's about how often i can do it everything else is pretty good it's such a fascinating game yeah you don't have the time nope you don't have the time nope nope i don't no I'm scared of it. Scared I'd love it. You would. But you've always had that position, right?

You've always kind of looked at golf. That's what people that want to get into golf, they think about starting. It's a waste of time and money. You need to understand that going into it. More time than you can ever imagine. And you have to settle with how good you want to be because to be better than that, you've got to spend hours and hours. But if you want to just rake it around and gamble with your friends,

you don't have to practice all that much. I knew quite a few comic buddies that I think lost a little inspiration in their career because they were spending so much time playing golf. Yeah. Well, that's how I killed my days, and I still do to this day. When I was on the road like you were, I don't know what you were doing during the day, but I was trading tickets for free golf, schmoozing it wherever I could. So you just play everywhere you go.

Yeah, we still do. That's nice. We travel at night, wake up at a golf course, crawl out, you're in the parking lot. It's like you were FedExed over there. That's great. Crawl out night, wake up at a golf course, crawl out. You're in the parking lot. It's like you were FedExed over there. That's great. Crawl out of the box and play some golf. Kill another day.

Kill another day. You're over here building an empire. I'm killing another day. Yeah, but killing another day is sweet. Yeah. To be able to do it that way. I mean, what is life? What is life if not enjoyment? It's all is life if not enjoyment it's all about love yeah

it's all about love how much do you love how much care you loved you know yeah out of that nothing really means much but yeah but that's you know it's a waste of time or whatever I could do charity events with golf people like to see me you know shake hands and i like doing that kind of stuff so you know well you just love the game i do love you love talking about watch it you know it's because i play it you know it's like like you and fighting you know exactly because you know exactly what that is that they're doing you can't even hardly explain it to me uh even when you're trying to to make me really understand what's going on exactly. When two guys are on the ground and it looks like nothing's happening, then you're losing your mind because there's so many things happening. That's a hard one to explain, too, because I'm trying to explain it while it's actually happening,

so I have to have the path carved out in my head, especially on some transitions that guys do. When they're going mount to rear naked choke, and I'm trying to set up what he's going to do while not stepping on what they're going mount to rear naked choke and i'm i'm trying to like set up what he's gonna do while not stepping on what they're doing you know and then it's like this weird uh dance with the description of what's happening in real time right that's why nobody can ever take your job god a lot of guys could do that no that's not true a lot of guys not that's not true no these guys are awesome at it if rogan doesn't say it it doesn't get said and that's true no that's how people feel you know they sit around waiting for you to tell them what to think and do and as far as fighting goes that's ridiculous no there's there's guys that are better at it than me like uh dominic cruz is better at it from a technical

standpoint than me you know he's he's had he was a ufc champion he's had a shit ton of fights he knows a lot about the technical details but he's not but he's not joe rogan so it's not as fun to hear yeah for me the fun i get it but for me the fun is the fight the fun is the you know the who the fuck knows what's gonna happen you can you can tell that you can see the joy in your face that it brings you with the you know with all these these uh fucking events well you're getting to see the literally the greatest fist fighters of all time the greatest stand-up ground fighting mma fighting warriors of all time they exist right now now i'm pretty excited and i get that and i get that it's the ultimate sport okay i'll fight you you know that's how war should be decided one guy and one guy instead of we're

gonna take our lower middle class put them in a field with your lower middle class they're gonna kill each other yeah now you ought to just fight me in the alley that's too difficult wrong wife so they'd rather just fight you with narratives right fight you with mandates but you know me i won't listen to their narratives yeah that's how i defend myself i don't i'm really careful about what information i let in my head because i don't know what's going to stew around in there i hear you man i hear you especially in this day and age and also there's like there's so much to worry about every fucking time I get on the news and I start reading what's happening in the world every day, it's something new that's insane that you have to worry about. I know.

And that's why I'm just real careful about what news I let in my head, you know. Don't let it up. But if it's something completely unverifiable that I don't even need to fucking know, they're not going to pick it up. But I know when people go down that fucking dark road in the web, they come out the other side and sometimes they're you can't get them back you know they're full blown i got friends that went out came back full blown q anon they believed it satan they're satan worshiping cabal of democrats that eat babies i'm like where are all the missing babies you know you how many babies does it take to feed all the democrats if they're all drinking the blood of the babies, there's going to be some missing babies, right?

Somewhere? No. No. Yeah, they're from overseas. They've got some answer to anything you throw at them. Tom Hanks is like, that's not true. Tom Hanks is still making movies. Tom Hanks didn't eat a baby.

Yeah, he did. And they believe it. Where did the Tom Hanks one come from? I don't know. Where did that one come from? It's just straight out of QAnon. It was their basic doctrine in the beginning was all this bizarre claims. And I got a friend that's, well, you met her.

And I'm not going to say her name. But it's, I mean, she believes this with all of her heart. Right. All of her heart. And there's nothing I can do to to to say you know nothing i can do nothing i can change your mind i think at least a certain portion of that is other governments fucking with people absolutely it is absolutely it is yeah and you can sway the uninformed they're not uninformed they're misinformed yeah they're informed you know they're taking in information but

but but it's just the wrong information and so you can be easily manipulated by that kind of stuff i mean the human nature wants to go where it finds comfort you know yeah and if somebody's feeding you what you eat you'll'll go that way, you know, even if it's not good for you. And people have a very strong desire to, like, uncover mysteries. Right. You know, very strong desire to get to the truth. Yeah.

Because in important situations, like, if there's something real going on, that's a good quality. It's a good quality to have. But if it's, you know, they're eating babies, it's a good quality to have but if it's you know they're eating babies it's like okay right what what's the benefit eating babies like why are they doing this gives them some kind of superpower you know it's so bizarre and so off of any what i would consider realm of possibility of even part of it being true but you know people go down there and they'll see just a path of things that lead them you know some of it true some of it not true not true not

true not true and they'll head off down that direction they don't come back you know they're you know it can separate families man that you know that we don't talk to grandpa anymore he's gone off the fucking deep end and you know what's really insidious about that? Is that the more crazy ones that are out there and the more people start linking them all together, the more real conspiracies sneak through. Because if you wanted to hide a real conspiracy, I would hide it in a bunch of other bullshit conspiracies. I'd put a bunch of bullshit ones out there. And I'd make it so that morons believe that Michelle Obama has a dick.

Right. I would just pump it out everywhere. I'd make fake videos. And that's exactly what's going on. That's what's going on. But if you did that, though, then you could sneak in some real conspiracies that otherwise people would think, well, that's outrageous. That kind of corruption would be uncovered. Right. That kind of corruption would be prosecuted.

And you're like, wait, no one's going to anybody's getting busted for this. Right. What? Right. And nobody investigated. Right. So it's not really happening. It's bananas.

And also people want to, you know, I know somebody that has no formal education, right? I don't have any formal education. I didn't make it through high school. My favorite joke that I ever wrote was, I do have a GED, and if you don't know what GED stands for, you've probably got one, too. That's one of my favorite jokes. But, you know, they would love to have the answer to a question. You know, they would love to be able to make a point of some kind. You know, they would love to, but they can't because, you know, they just sit around watching other people do it.

And I wish I could think of something to say, and I can't think of anything to say. Well, if there's somebody feeding them something to say, now they get real loud about it. Right. Because they have a point to make, even though they don't understand it at all. They just know how to sound like they're making a point, like Lauren Boebert or Marjorie Taylor Greene or whoever. That's who they were. And now they feel like they can make a point,

so they're being real fucking loud about it. But if you've actually been around a while, you just sit around and shake your head and go, you're a goddamn idiot. But all you've got to do is be the smartest person in your region. And boom, you're in Congress. You know, they think she's smart as fuck down there in that one little section of Georgia where Taylor's out of. It's the problem with it is like how many people that, you know, want to run the government? How many people do you know?

people want to run the government how many people do you know how many i mean how many people that you know that are like really healthy clear thinking business-minded people that have been successful that want to run the government nobody nobody nobody so you're not getting any of those folks no you're not and what you're going to get is you're going to get their money to influence things in the direction they'd like to see it go without them having to be there doing day-to-day stuff on it. So they have influence on it, but they don't want to. Do they want to be the president of the United States? Do they have it set up like a minor league? Like they groom politicians.

They get them to a position. Like, I like how you stand on this. But maybe if you stood a little bit further on this line we could support oh absolutely and then they start grooming them grooming them for the big stage just like you would do with like regional plays and all of a sudden you're on broadway right well you know that's the religious right you know they're you know they wanted they want somebody they want to get rid of abortion so what are they going to do they got to stack those courts they're going to do you're going to okay we, there's a trillion of us and we'll put you in office and we'll be, but you got to, you got to put this judge here and this judge there.

So what our thing comes to pass. So that's just the way it works. I'm even more cynical. I just can't believe that human beings as a whole haven't resolved a bunch of different things. There's a bunch I don't believe are really coming back around. I think people are making this argument that they're coming back around and they're highlighting moments where it's coming back around. Coming back around to what?

I just don't. I just, I mean, I think this is one of the weirdest times ever for human beings to communicate and I think because there's so many of us and there's so many people that are talking and there's so many voices and it's happening on everyone's phone and it's happening all over the fucking world all at once. Never been like this ever in phone, and it's happening all over the fucking world, all at once. Never been like this ever. Ever.

In the history, and it makes you wonder where it's going. I think it's short-circuiting everything. I do, too. It's short-circuiting our government. It's short-circuiting... It makes me nervous. And one of the things that makes me nervous,

this government that we have, it's complicated. Complicated as fuck. It is complicated, so you just can't be some douchebag on the side going, I want them out of there. You got to have a plan because this thing's got to work.

You don't want separation of church and state? Well, why don't you just move to Iran then? Because that's what happened over there. The religious right took over. Now our laws are your laws. That used to be a pretty normal place. People don't believe that. But Iran used to be fucking strawberry rivers and

shit and normal people with jobs and ron there were people that were willing to laugh at people's deaths because they didn't want to get vaccinated for covid there were there were people like that at the same time thinking they're good people. Yeah. All on the Internet. I know. I know. You know, when it came to all that stuff, you know me, I don't talk about politics on stage. And I never knew and I never will. And it's not, oh, you just want to be able to sell tickets to both people.

But no, I want stand-up comedy to be a place where we can laugh. And I'm going to do what I, you know i so i'm not gonna take a position i never did if i was a political commentator before okay that's fine if i'm not bill maher so i don't bring it into my show because i want us all to come in and just be able to fucking laugh together and find out how much that matters and at the end of my shows now i'm reminding people that no matter what our differences are we just still came to this room and we all laughed at the same thing and and we laughed hard, and we loved each other, and we had a great experience.

Let's remember that. Let's try to get back to that. Right. You know, instead of all these stupid little things that makes it look like we have – it's like fake rivalries almost. It's not like, you know, Texas and Oklahoma, they're the same place. There's no difference between those two places. And they act like, well, we're Oklahoma.

And somebody put that in their head, you know. And what I was getting at was that if they're willing to do that over just some issue of whether you want to or don't want to get a vaccine, what would they do if they really believe that God was on their side? What would they do in a really bad thing they could a really when things go really bad anything when the power goes out for a while anything they could yeah and and justify it and and i and that's what's dangerous is they genuinely do believe that yes that that we would be better off if we did things like this for sure under these laws of god in this book uh that by when jesus would get back to his basic teachings that i'd really dug you know which is love each other love love love and wait a minute that was linen but still jesus

was saying a similar song about you know know, and with a good positive message. And that message was always of love, you know, back when I went to church. And, you know, my uncle's still a preacher to this day. Dr. Charles Pollard's still preaching to the American Indians out in Farmington, New Mexico for no money, you know. Wow. Has 23 people about at every service. Then he goes to jails, and he's 90 years old, still working to this day, still knocking it out for the Lord.

And he used to be the president of the Southern Baptist Convention. My uncle did. So that was a very powerful position. And then he fell out of favor with them because he just didn't believe in some of the doctrine. And then he showed up at my grandmother's birthday party on a Harley with no shirt on. I'm like, oh no,

Uncle Charlie's gone nuts. He went down to Corpus, I think it was, and he started this gospel according to Charlie thing. It was just kind of a phase he went through. Now, he still thing and and then it was just a kind of a phase he went through and then he you know but now he he's uh still believes in in that basic doctrine and uh and i love him to death

he's one of my favorite people i'll talk to him all day long you know i just he's a treasure really is and just a sweetheart of a guy about all about love and sweetness. That's awesome. His wife died, and I asked him, I said, did your knowledge of God and Jesus, and did that help you with her death? And he goes, nope, not a bit. It hurt, and it hurt, and I hated, and I didn't understand it. I was like everybody else, you know. Yeah. Didn't even help.

But that's just how honest he is. Wow. Uncle Charlie! Isn't it fascinating how much religion's practiced by so many different people in so many different ways, and yet if someone tried to start a new one right now, good fucking luck. Good luck.

The feds would investigate you immediately. If you start your own religion, if you bought some land out in Bastrop and the Ron White Church. You're already thinking about doing this, aren't you? You're just putting my name on it. No, no, no. I know what you're doing. I'm not interested in any of those activities. I'm not either.

But if you did. I would get my uncle to come run it. You would 100% get investigated. Oh if you did I would get my uncle to come run it they would but you would not 100% get investigated oh yeah but if you wanted to open up a Catholic Church if you said you converted to Catholicism you wanted to open up a Ron White's Catholic Church I'd be like oh with a mission and a respectable position to take Ron good good for you congratulations on converting hard to get new money yeah you can you can't be a startup in the religion world. I think that's what Uncle Charlie found out.

You've got to be hooked to a brand of some sort. You have to be in business with the big guys. I mean, like Scientology, you can get wild and go with them. Or Mormons, you can get wild and go with them. But if you just want to go straight like straight christian you're like a very acceptable pathway yeah you and you and i can get a long way if you're scientology that one's really hard for me to swallow but it's hard it is just difficult let me ask you this like what are the standards like say if you wanted to start a church like if you were legitimately committed to the Bible and you became like a Bible scholar.

But all you've really done is write science fiction novels. No, no, no, no. That's that guy. That's the Scientology guy. But I'm saying if you wanted to start a church, like a church, a Christian church, what would be the requirements? If you just say, you know, I've been studying the Bible for 10 years. I want to teach at a church. Could you just open up a church?

How does that work? You're asking me this like I've done it, but I haven't. I'm trying to get you to do it. That's the next thing I'm trying to get you to do. Yeah, I know what you're up to. That's how you manipulate people, Joe. That's how they built his empire, by the way. You look like a Jesus-type figure. What are

the requirements jamie if you wanted to start the church of jamie perfect question for chat gpt i thought so i asked chat gpt and there are 12 steps that gave me 12 steps determine your purpose and beliefs clearly define the purpose and beliefs of your church this includes your mission vision and core doctrines okay two legal structure choose a legal structure for your church options may include becoming a non-profit organization establishing a corporation, or forming a religious association. Consult legal experts to determine the best structure for your situation. Name it.

Okay. So it seems like you just have to, like, get a legal thing, you know, like some sort of an LLC or something. What you want is a tax exempt status and the rest of it doesn't really matter. Get that tax exempt status. Then you can start hoarding wealth in the name of Jesus Christ of the latter day saints or whatever. And you can hold all these billions of dollars in real estate holdings all under that tax exempt status. If they start, you know, this is the only thing that gets me going, is big church, big church. We need to tax big church.

And those pastors, those mega churches, they need to be looked at under the biggest, brightest light you can look at. Joel Osteen, fuck you, Osteen. That's right. He said it right here first. That's right. He said it right here first. Mattress Max makes a much better, to me, if you want an example of how Christ wanted us to live, it would be Mattress Max and not Joel Osteen. I don't know who Mattress Max is. Well, he's the guy that bets 10 million bucks on the Astros every year and wins. This is how he got famous.

That's Mattress Max right there. During the big floods in Houston just a few years ago, here's two things that happened. Mattress Max, people were literally dying in the street. Mattress Max owned huge furniture stores. Come up here, he opened them up. Sleep on them couches. I don't care.

And I'll find a way to make food for you guys. And, I mean, people bringing hot dogs and shit down there, making everybody food, sleep. Just make sure you're comfortable. Make sure you're safe. And look at it. This is it. All these people over at Mattress Max's furniture store. He brought in everybody he could.

But Joel Osteen wouldn't even let him in the door because they just had the carpentry done at his cathedral church and he didn't want people tracking shit in there didn't he eventually give in though and let people stay there i don't think so i thought well if he did he did it for the wrong reason right mattress max did that for the right reason these people needed to get in out of the cold and wet and whatever there he is there he is he defended not opening lakewood church in houston to harvey victims he defended it yeah yeah because of that carpet was just cleaned and look at him bro that's so crazy yeah first of all look at him you just it's it's it's so obvious. Doing something like that is so obvious.

You have a private jet. It's so obvious. You have a mansion. It's so obvious. How much does that watch? This is so obvious. What are you doing is so obvious. This is not.

It did eventually, correct. Do you see even weeks after that post the super duper rich church guy it's a crazy thing you know that i could do it i i could totally do it that would be my calling that's what i'm saying you should do it and uh i mean that doesn't mean i should do it yes listen if you do it we'll all join we all get tax-free something. We'll work something out. Right. And it'll just be us. And that's why the government invades and starts shooting people.

Can we bring the 11 million people that listen to your show under? Yeah, everybody under one umbrella. Come on, guys. Come on. Get behind this. We don't even know what it is yet, but we're going to let you know. That's the thing you could never do today. Like, imagine trying to start a new country today.

Fuck you. We would never let you no never no we'd thumb you yeah get the fuck out of here it's like just like you're trying to start a new religion uh-uh nope nope no new countries no new religions we're not hearing it religions have to be old as fuck so they might be true right or at least have some kind of connection to some really ancient text. Yeah, or the Scientology one, they just threatened to sue. That was a genius move. What they did was amazing.

They threatened thousands of lawsuits. Everyone was going to file a lawsuit. They're all lawyers. The same with those fucking Latter-day Saints guys. Those are are you got a bunch of lawyers gotta give it up to them and that's pretty ball yeah ballsy yeah and and you're selling a something that's not easy to sell you know they got it that story i mean none of it is you know the stories i believed well that's why i wrote that beautiful joke that didn't work the

other day and uh about the christians and the lions and uh let me break that down for your listeners because i'm writing apparently i'm writing my worst stuff right now because now i can write stuff that nobody will laugh at out of 250 people 250 people don't lie and but when i was a kid i was raised in the baptist church uncle char, my preacher, when I was little. But there was a storybook. It wasn't the Bible, but it was just something we got in Sunday school. And it depicted Christians being fed to the lions, which always stuck in my craw that that was a big story, a big deal. I mean, I know we've all been oppressed, but feeding them to the lions, that's a pretty big deal.

And I really thought it was universal knowledge. So when they were looking for a new name for the Washington Commanders, I suggested the Christians. And I thought about this joke for three days. And I thought about the buildup of laughter it was going to get. It was going to work so well. And they were going to end up changing the name of the comedy club to Ron White's Mothership because of this one joke and how well it worked. John White's mothership because of this one joke and how well it worked. But the way that it was going to start, the rumble was going to start,

when Detroit comes to town, they're going to make the connections of Detroit, Lions, Lions, Christians, my storybook from my childhood. And that's the rumble of the really hip laughter. Because when the Lions get back to the – that's the next laugh was going to be. When the Lions meet the Christians on a plebeian playing field, we're, you know, so none of it got a laugh. None of it, none of it worked. And they stared at me and there was a good crowd too. They were waiting for the next funny thing that I said. And, and that was it. And I really was expecting it. And it just, I was never been so wrong. Do you think you're just old enough to where you're like over that curve

where the Christians and the lions were more recent than they were? Yeah, I just don't think everybody got that storybook. Nobody gets that anymore. No, I didn't. Well, obviously. I got it. I got Christians and lions.

Yeah. I got that connection. I don't think kids get that connection. But you said you would have told me not to do it, which was a lie because you would have told me to do it because you want me to try new shit. Always wanted to. I was that connection. I don't think kids get that connection. But you said you would have told me not to do it, which was a lie, because you would have told me to do it, because you want me to try new shit. I always wanted to. I was joking around. I said, I would have told you not to do it.

I was joking. You would have told me to do it, and you would have been wrong. But you told me it bombed before I even found out about it. I did bomb so bad. It was so laughably. I laughed so hard at how wrong I was. But that's how you fuck around and find out. Isn't that the truth? That's how little... That's how you fuck around and find out. Isn't that the truth?

That's how you... I mean, bits are fascinating. They change their structure like on stage. I could do five minutes now on why that joke didn't work. Yep. But that would be

way more entertaining than the joke ever was, you know? Show up Tuesday. Dude, I was watching a video today of this lion gone wrong situation in a circus. Oh, my God.

These people, this lion attacked this dude, and they're hitting it with a hose. I mean, this guy's getting fucked up by this lion. And they're spraying it with a hose to get it off. That's how they get it off, with a water hose. And he gets away, and then the lion gets him again. And the lion gets him again, and they're water hosed in, and they're beating him. You got footage of this?

Yeah, there's footage of it. It looks like it's Russian. If you don't find it, Jamie, I'm 99% sure I saved it on my phone because it's so fucked up. But I'd have to go through it, and that would be some dead air. Russian hose. I forget who sent it to me. You don't edit these things, do you?

No, I got it. The podcast? Yeah. No. I want it to be like this. Right, right, right. Yeah, I like a little dead air. This is it.

So something happens. Oh, it's a circus thing. Yeah. Something happens. This line just decides, E-fucking-nuff. Ooh. I mean, this thing just jacks his two. Well, that's what happened to, you know.

See, they're spraying him with a hose to try to get them off and this guy got fucked up I mean he got fucked up by those lions that is so scary to have a thing like that bite you right what are you doing in there are you fucking crazy

that's what it's Ziegfeld and Ziegfried and Roy Ziegfried and Roy that happened in that room that I played at the Mirage that was You fucking crazy. That's what it is. Ziegfeld and Ziegfried and Roy. Ziegfried and Roy. I can't even think of them. Ziegfried and Roy. That happened in that room that I played at the Mirage. That was their room, man. That's where that whole thing went down. Yeah, it dragged him off. Bit him by the neck and dragged him off.

In front of a live audience. There's all the speculation to why it did it. All the speculation. No one knows. Right. No one knows. It just decided, I i'm gonna bite this guy's neck and drag him off there was a thought that it was afraid of uh some woman had uh feathers

on her hat in the audience and that it threw him off and i'm like you really think that fucking tigers are scared of a lady with feathers on her head that doesn't make any sense yeah i think it just decided to bite that guy's neck but i'm not maybe that guy would have been a was being a prick you know under the guise of being an animal lover but at night he was like going don't give him the expensive food and you know well maybe it was like it was probably punishment it's probably what they do to the tigers to get them to listen right you know like what did they do when they were training them you know did they ever cross the line where the tiger always remembered the time you heard it and then lashes out at you?

Yeah. I'm going to find a fucking opportunity. I'm going to sit here. Yeah, you'd think the tigers don't have good memories. It's going to be served cold, baby. It's going to be served cold. It seemed like, for the most part, they got along with those tigers for a long time, though. That's what's weird.

They lived at their house, right? Yeah. Siegfried and Roy, they lived at their house. They were at one with them. They fucking cuddled them and loved on them. And they do say that tigers, when they protect their cubs, that's how they do it. They grab them by the neck and they drag them off.

But he's just too frail for it to do that to. It just fucked him up. Yeah, right. No, and those were big men, big, strong men. I mean, these guys were weight men big strong man. Yeah, he was a These guys were weight lifters and right but I'm saying people but nothing compared to that for a while Yeah, not like a cub a lion. Oh, no, like the way a lion picks up the cub It has all the skins or grabs all that extra skin. You don't have any skin to scratch. Oh, right now. It's all vital organs Yeah

It was a shame that he you know long time as a crippled person. Well, he did. He lived several years, right? It was just a horrible story, man, and that the show was shut down. Because that's the reality of having tigers on a stage in front of a bunch of people. You just don't know. It's just for one reason or another. Some crazy person could stand up

and freak out and yell and the thing could just launch itself out. Is this it? Don't you show it to me, son of a bitch. I've been trying to find it. What could go wrong? You've got to ask yourself that question. What could go wrong?

Wait a minute, he was saying something about his diminishing relationship with that line this is a tiger from four or five years ago I was trying to see if it had an answer to all the questions you guys are asking but it said something about his diminishing relationship with it yeah I got he wrote it like a horse speculation on from someone they asked on this yeah like an ex-employee or something I think I saw that so he's going the tiger and him were not getting along? Again, it's just speculation.

It says new allegations about the attack, which would have been like 15 years after the attack even happened. Dude, almost nothing scares me more than animals. Right? I'm so scared of them. That's why you go out of your way to kill them when you can. Well, I'm not scared of those. You should be. Boars? Don't them when you can. Well, I'm not scared of those. You should be. Boars?

Don't you hunt boar? Yeah, I do. Yeah, those things can kill you, Joe. They definitely can. Yeah. They can. I'm thinking elk more. The boar thing in Texas is fucking bananas.

I just love it when they catch them all in them cages. And then what do they do with them? Can you eat them? Is it just pig meat, right? Yeah, it's pig meat. It's just pork? It's really good. You can make really good bacon and shit out of it?

Why are there any homeless hungry people if we got those wild boar all over the place? Wild boar are very good. Very good. There's a guy in town, Jesse Griffiths. He owns Dai Due Restaurant, and he's a real wild game cooking expert and amazing chef. Yeah. And he has wild boar dishes at his place. He even teaches people how to hunt wild boars, cook them,

and how to hunt them down, how to fire a rifle, the whole deal. Takes them through the whole thing. Kill them, skin them, eat them, shit them into their commode. Fuck with me. He's like, they're delicious. Fuck with me. But it's also, it's not just a renewable resource, but you really, we have an obligation to kill them. There's too many.

Yeah, they're fucking up land. Oh, there's an insane, there's millions and millions of them in Texas. Yeah. And they keep, they have babies three times a year sometimes. They can have babies when they're six months old. Can I tell you a story about a frog yeah i lived on the lake lake lbj in this house and there was a frog big bullfrog and he was lived by my peer and i would go out there and i would see him and he always jump in the water and uh and but he was that's where he lived he was always a big old fat

thing that this big biggest bullfrog I'd seen. And I'd go down there and fish and then I'd come back there. And then one night he didn't jump. He stayed there. And I'm like, oh, he's not afraid of me anymore. And the next night I brought a net down and I caught him and I killed him and ate him. And I shit him into my toilet. And the other frogs went out and told other frogs don't go near there because that's what's going on. He's just waiting for you to be still.

And he's going to kill you and eat you and shit you into his toilet. You think they figured that part out? I think they did. I didn't see any more frogs after that. After the missing of that one frog. Yeah. I bet if you started feeding them, they'd be hanging around. But if you start killing them.

Yeah. Right. They probably. Right. It's not going to catch on. Do you think they do a roll call to try to figure out where everybody is? Because some animals do that. Do they really?

Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing. They're, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr, grr. Uh-oh, where's Toby? Yeah, what are they doing when they're doing those noises? Those noises are cool as fuck, by the way. Have you ever been by a lake at night and you hear frogs making noises? Oh, it's so cool. I hate them. Really? We had those little frogs.

When I lived in Atlanta, you know what we did? They would bark with a mouth that big on a little frog barely that big, making this big old loud noise that bugged the shit out of me. And they were easy to catch because it was a flashlight because they don't know that you can see them. They're making all that racket. You can just pick them up, put them

in a can, and then we would take them. This guy I didn't like had a pond right behind his house, and we'd go dump them all over there. And he's like, I got frogs around here. They're fucking all over, making all this racket. Yeah, I don't know. Not over at my house, they're not. Yeah, that's one of those little...

This is night music, Ron. No, this is not the ones we had. We had ones where... We just needed to put together a better band. Yeah. Well, they're going to put that band together over at that pond behind that guy's house. That's where they all live now. The thing about frogs, they're very predatory.

Frogs, have you ever seen frogs in a cage with mice? It's one of the most disturbing things you'll ever see in your life. No, I've never seen that. This is a giant Asian frog. I had it on my Instagram. It's on YouTube. This is giant, some kind of Asian frog. That one, the second one down.

The yellow, where he's yellow. Watch this one. This one is fucking insane. This frog's insane. So they put these little rats. I can't tell if they're mice or rats. Those are mice, right? They look like mice.

So they put these mice in this fucking... No, those are rats, man. Those are little rats. Yeah, those are rats. And then they put this giant frog in there with them. And I don't know why they're trying to jump and get out and all of a sudden the frog just decides to start eating them.

I think. I think they're just trying to get out. But look what he does. He's a monster. This is like a Star Wars monster. Oh, my God. Oh, dude, he eats them all. He's in the job of the hut.

Yeah, exactly. He eats them all? This one's not effective. I think he's probably already full. Look how fat he is. They probably film these all day long. God, how cruel. But he eats...

The one that I saw, he ate a bunch of them. Is anybody trying to put a stop to this? Nobody's putting a stop to it. Nobody cares about the rats and the frog world. Rats or frogs. Get no respect. We'll make that part of our religion. Isn't it funny, though?

Like, if the rat was eating the frog, I'd be more disturbed. Oh, my God. Look at how gross that thing is. Yeah. Look at it. Look at how big it is. I've never even seen a frog shaped like that. Oh, look at it.

Slow motion. Yeah, come on over here. Yeah, let me tell you something. I got a little story for you. It seemed like the rat ran right in there. Like, fuck it, let's just get on over here. Yeah, let me tell you something. I've got a little story for you. It seemed like the rat ran right in there. Like, fuck it, let's just get this over with. Oh, my God, what a way to die. Oh, no.

With your balls hanging on the chin of a thing that's swallowing you. Look at those little balls. Oh, the last dying quiver. Oh, bro, he's going to stay alive inside that thing's gut for quite a while. Don't do not let your children watch this. This is really, really gross. So disturbing. Yeah.

I'm trying to unsee it, and I can't do it. I can't do it. That's what happens. That's nature, man. That's part of the Joe Rogan experience right there. That's nature. That's why you shouldn't have crocodiles in the street. That's why you shouldn't import wolves into your neighborhood.

That's right. That's why you shouldn't bring grizzly bears back to California. Slow down, everybody. My mother wants to, and you know how low things got with mom. Now, I want a cat. And I'm like, no, mother, you can't have a cat. Jeannie's allergic to cats. Now, I want one of those Bengal cats.

They're hypoallergenic. Oh, my God. For my mother for my mother my 90 year old mother and uh yeah i think they're pretty good size cats like 15 20 pounds and uh i'm like no she said i want you to get me a bingo cat for my 90th birthday and i said mother number one i'm not advancing you any more birthdays you got to show me the number you got to get to the number before you get your 90th. I'm not fronting you any 90th birthday. You have to get to that number to get that present because you already got them. You're already advanced all you can. So once she lives to be 90, she might get them.

Wow. It's just a few months away. Am I thinking of the same kind of cat? Which ones are Bengals? It's a horrible idea. There's some of them that are basically like a wild cat. Yeah, well, they're not very many generations removed, I think, is the problem. And I think they're perfectly good cats, but they're really big and they're really a lot of energy.

And they're kind of different because you can take them out on a leash and stuff. My mother doesn't want to do that. I'm like, get a Yorkie or something. A little lap dog. Am I fucking this up? Is it the same thing? Is a Bengal the same thing as those other ones? No, I think they're called Bengal kittens.

Yeah, that's it right there. That's just a regular Bengal cat. Okay. So that's a regular cat. So I'm thinking of that. I'm thinking of a serval. Oh, yeah, I know. Okay.

So a Bengal cat's just a cat, right? Is that just a cat? Yeah, but it comes from the Bengal tiger. And, you know, they're just a handful. You know, it's not like a big old floppy lap cat. These cats, you know, they're big-time killers. They've got to be involved in stuff. They've got a lot of energy they're big and strong so

they're up to like you know 15 20 pounds i think look at the description the bengal cat is domesticated cat breed created from a hybrid of the asian leopard cat with domestic cats especially the spotted egyptian mao so that there you go i was in head, I was like, I think I fucked up, and it's the wrong one. That one is crazy. I've seen people have that one as a pet. You have? Yeah, yeah. Did John Jones have one of those as a pet?

That's just a lion. Didn't he have a crazy cat? He's got one of these. What does he have? Oh, yeah. What kind is that? That looks like that Bengal cat. Yeah, it does look more like that than the serval cat.

It says serval, though, doesn't it? I typed that in. I don't, I was. Oh. What kind of fucking cat is that, man? I don't know. Does it have a jacket on? Yeah, it's got like a fucking leash.

That's a big ass cat. Bro, I would not. Donald. Careful, Donald. Mother's 90. That's not what she wants. And she gets so stubborn. I want a cat.

It could be awesome. It could be the greatest cat of all time. Or it could be it decides to fuck you up. It could eat her. She couldn't defend herself if it went nuts on her. Our story was earlier today in the episode. People getting eaten by tigers. Yeah.

People getting eaten by tigers. Mm-hmm. First responders, when they find bodies after people have died in a house with cats, it doesn't take long for the cats to start eating. Right. They don't give you a whole lot of time for them to start eating. Oh, mama. Dogs will wait. They will? Yeah, dogs wait until they're starving to death.

They're dying. They don't even associate you with you anymore. You're just meat, and they have to stay alive. Right. Cats are like, I'm hungry. Yeah. I'm going to eat Ron's lips. Right.

Get an eyeball, nostril. It's a fascinating relationship that we have to these small animals. Like I was saying about your beautiful dog that you you if you trace the lineage back of that thing that used to be a wolf somehow or another they went from wolves to like more of a floppy eared animal to more of an animal that was like smaller that hung and then they figured out how to all the way to a rug that shits that's what i own that's a rug that shits like how the fuck did they do that? So if you die in a home that's locked with animals, those animals will eat you really fast, especially a cat.

Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours. Wow. Oh, my God. What kind of loyalty? They got over all that love quick. That cat never loved you. Oh, my God. If it can eat your head in 24 hours, that cat never loved you. It was just a, I need food. I'm going gonna be nice he had a coroner on his waiting for you to fucking die

i think i explained it to him oh the coroner was telling him yeah yeah i think yes like what kind of fucked up shit have you seen he's like animals would you play that okay play that right where you're saying that it'll remove your head within 24 hours it was right before the head and back it up before that back it up for that um well so if you die in a home that's locked with animals those animals will eat you really fast especially a cat dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours and i'm not talking i'm talking literally hair on the floor no head and nibbling into their chest um even cats that were loved by their owners or is it just cats no if you think we're had something with the owner and they're and they're gonna say this is my time yeah no they're they're absolutely feeding on you you know i don't care how much you love that cat and that cat loved you

he's gonna eat you and i just never never imagined that they could do that much damage. Smaller dogs. Now, a lab won't. Labs, for some reason, don't eat their owners, you know, unless they're locked in for months. I guess they would. But I find it more weenie dogs, small dogs, and cats. Cats don't wait. And how soon after?

I don't know. I don't know if I believe the guy now. Why? Because I bet he has a lab, so he had to say labs wouldn't eat you. I mean, what makes a lab different than my sweet little Maddie? He's saying Maddie would go after you after a little while, but the lab, come on. Yeah, why would they think that the little, maybe he means like chihuahuas or something like that. Or little Jack Russell Terriers.

They'll fuck you up quick. But what's the data on that? The labs really eat you when you're done? I think he's just going off of his experience. I don't know. I was trying to... I don't know where he gets his expertise. Yeah.

I'm not seeing this on NPR. It's not coming on my news feed. I was also kind of making that point. When I Googled that and typed it in, it gives me like a TikTok fun fact. Like that's the fact that Google gave me, which was a fact from Theo's podcast. That's like the top result. And they're calling it a fact? I mean.

Well, I do know for a fact that cats eat people. Yeah, well, that makes sense. I mean, people eat people. I know people who have found people that where got, you know, where they're cops, where they found people that were partially eaten by the cats. That's 100% real. That was a fun show. We did that show for the cops.

That was awesome. That was so much fun. That was awesome. Three cops got thrown out. That's right. They came to party, folks. They came to have a good time. They did come to party.

That was a lot of fun. That was a good fucking time. Those people don't get appreciated enough. No, and that's the truth. They don't get appreciated enough, and if things go south, they're going to be the first people you call, and you've been disrespecting them for so long and not appreciating how hard it is what they do for so fucking long.

And that doesn't excuse the bad ones. That's not. No, it doesn't. It's just you can't lump everybody in with that same group because most of them are great you gotta have these guys you gotta have this team man you have to have them and it ain't the greatest job in the goddamn world and it sure is dangerous and some of them thrive on that kind of environment and that's great i don't and uh so i need you know and uh it was it was just it was so cool to be able to make them laugh that hard because you know we had the death of that cop not too long ago you know that that's been a pretty dour place to work uh that's what the guy was telling me the uh chief of police was you know they hadn't been laughing you know they

haven't been that really got everybody down and kept them down. Of course. So that was cool. That was so much fun. Yeah, it was fun. It was real fun to do. Yeah, it's, you know. We should have started a church that night. We could have started, we'd had a police force. We've got to plant these seeds carefully.

That's right. And this is what we're doing today on the podcast. We're planting seeds. You can't just go out there and just dig a trench. Then the government starts getting involved quickly. You gotta slowly plant seeds. Based on a story of love. And mutual respect.

It would be great if we could buy into a franchise like Chick-fil-A. You know what I mean? In-N-Out burgers. Just buy into something. It's pre-existing. Our challenge is gonna be to start it from scratch. The church of Ron White, just from Just buy into something that's preexisting. You know, do a church that way. Our challenge is going to be to start it from scratch.

Yeah, just the church of Ron White, just from scratch, it's going to be under a lot of scrutiny. No, dude, it's a Joe Rogan, Ron White church. I ain't doing this by myself, man. But it's kind of funny. It really is kind of funny that if we did just both of us become Christian and then open up a Christian church, no problems at all. You know, I got like 3 million followers. I wonder how far they would actually follow if I started leading. You don't even want 3 million.

If you get 300,000 to move into a town that you've created in the middle of the desert. Right, right. I mean, it's that Portland movie, the Netflix series, Wild Wild Country. They literally bought into a town. And it wasn't that bad. You know, that's what – I think it was you that said that. They always sound pretty good. You're like, I can do this.

And then it gets soaring. Nobody can handle that kind of power. Yeah, that's what it is. That kind of focus of energy and, yeah, you're the guy. You're the guy without, it corrupts. It just corrupts. They're literally bestowing the word of God and the meaning of life and the meaning of the universe in front of their loyal following. Right.

This guy's got 31 Rolls Royces, by the way. Yeah. And they're just happy when he gets another one. He was funny, though. He was the funny dude. Oh, yeah. He was. He dude. Oh, yeah, he was. He was, you know, I would have listened for a while, you know. You ever hear that thing, that famous thing that he said about democracy?

You remember? It's by people. But the people are retarded. So you get this fucking guru. You get this guru saying that everyone's retarded. You you get this fucking guru. You get this guru saying that everyone's retarded. You got to see this. This was the dude.

This was the fucking dude. Because democracy basically means government by the people government by the people of the people. And he works slower than I do. He does, but it's good.

People are retarded. Yes, they are. No, he goes on even further. This is a small version of it. He continues People are retarded. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. No, he goes on even further. This is a small version of it. He continues on. This is the government of the retarded, for the retarded. Oh, really?

Yeah, he goes into this whole thing. And this is the guru that was running that town up there. That was the guy. And he was the guy with 31 Rolls Royces, right? Yeah, he was balling out of control. Yeah, going nuts. He probably would have pulled it off if it wasn't for Sheila. Yeah.

Sheila was so ruthless. Right. She's terrifying. She was the one that got the guns out, right? She was the one that poisoned the whole town. Oh, that didn't know the town. Oh, the city. Yeah.

Not them. No, they poisoned like a salad bar or something, didn't they? Didn't she do something like that? They blew something up. They did a bunch of shit. They brought in homeless people for votes. I mean, they went wild. They went wild in the end.

They brought in homeless people in buses so that the homeless people would become part of their community and they'd have more votes. And then they took over the fucking town. And then they're like, adios homeless fucks. And they kicked the homeless people out. Government by the retarded.

By the retarded. Of the retarded. I mean, that dude believes what he's saying. Democracy cannot be. I believe what he's saying. The highest possibility men can attain. He just blinked for the first time. I was asking if he hasn't blinked.

Wow. Yeah, he's probably the real deal. He's probably the real deal. He had Sheila behind him, and she just got crazy and started killing folks. Too many Rolls Royces to keep it out of the news. You've got a couple of them, man. You've got 31.

But if you're the real deal, if you really are a super guru and you want 30 Rolls Royces, I think you can do it in that space. Yeah, in that space. In the Christian space, I don't think so. They're doing it. They got, you know, Gulfstream 650s. You know, you can buy 30 Rolls Royces. I'm just saying it's harder to connect with the message.

Cheaper, right. There's something about that dude, the way he's willing to talk. Like that guy Osho, his book is really brilliant. There's an audio version of one of his books that I got into. It's interesting, man. His thoughts are very interesting. He had 93 cars. It's only 93, Ron.

93. He only had 93 cars. So he had a nice fleet of cars. He loved his Rolls Royces. He did. Yeah. But right, you know, if he's the guy, you want him to have everything. You know, if you believe he's the guy and...

You can be, this is what I believe. I think you can be both. I think you can be this crazy 93 Rolls Royce having fucking lunatic who lives in a castle that's made out of diamonds in the sky. Okay. You got money from your followers and also to be tuned in to the real thing. The real energy of the universe.

I don't think you can. I think you can. I think that power corrupts absolutely. For most people. For most people. But if you're a real super guru, like a hedonist super guru. Right. Because one of the things about a lot of those a real super guru like a hedonist super guru right because one of the things about a lot of those

like crazy super guru type characters like there's always some sexual aspect to it it's always some sexual freedom and sexual expressing and they fucking

hook line and sink or believe in that shit right like that guy that owned that building that you almost bought for no reason exactly exactly

the Ron White recommendation Ron White recommendation. Ron White recommended that I buy a cult building, and I listened to him. Yeah. See? See? It would have worked. It would have worked.

It would have worked. That was a cool building, and it would have worked. You would have made it work, that's for sure. We'd all supported it, and it would have been fine. It wouldn't have been as good, though. Location-wise, it wouldn't have been as good. This turned out to be heaven. So we can't second-guess anything that went down before it or after it or whatever.

I feel like it lined up in the exact correct order. Like the universe opened up all the doors in the exact correct order. I feel like the failed experiment with that other place or the frustration and having it not come together was a good lesson in how real estate deals can go and all the issues with property. Right, how careful you need to be. There's a lot of stuff going on when you're buying stuff. And sometimes you've got to experience a failed deal and go okay that didn't work maybe this maybe this is better and you were kind of impetuous so you needed something to slow you down a little bit because you were going you were going pretty nuts with make with decision i mean i talked to you one day you were thinking about moving to austin and the next day you lived there you had a house on the lake you moved your studios like god

damn this guy moves. I'm not interested in half-assing things. No, no, no, no. You moved right along with it. That's what's the fun part about it. It's like a change like that is a big deal. Well, really, if you look at it, and I'm pretty emotional about the mothership,

but if you look at it, it was the only thing that could have got me where I am today. Nothing, no other vehicle would have worked because I wouldn't have been interested in it. I would have been interested in me being alone and isolating myself and all those things. But the mothership was that thing that was so delicious and so perfect for what I needed at that point in my life. I think the universe used you just to get me back out of this fucking hole that I was in. You know where I was at.

I was in a shitty fucking place, and I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do with my emotions. I didn't know what to do with doub didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do with my emotions. I didn't know what to do with my, you know, doubting everything about my talent and all this stuff. And, you know, so nothing else would have got me where I am today. No other combination of things. It wouldn't have been an open mic night in Webster, wherever, that I would have gone to with any interest at all. wherever that I would have gone to and with any interest at all and

Really started to fall back in love with the art of doing stand-up and be able to do all those reps You know that doesn't exist anywhere else You know that that's what happens at the mothership that you can go in there sharpen the fucking blade You ought to see what I'm doing to these crowds on the road. I'm beating the fuck out of them I'm having a blast except I still hate to travel but I'm beating the fuck out of them. I'm having a blast, except I still hate to travel. We're real lucky. We're real lucky.

And like I said, I feel like the universe opened up all the right doors at all the right time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And put it all together in this perfect way. And we all benefit from having all of us here together, for sure. It 100% benefits your act. 100% benefits your joke writing and the amount of fun that you have in life. And how hard we laugh in that green room. That's what I'm saying.

The amount of fun you have in life. It's the most fun. And the best thing about the green room is how restrictive it is. You just can't go in there. You're just not – you've got to earn that spot in the treehouse you know and so anytime you open the door you'll see you know some of the best comics alive uh sitting there talking about stand-up comedy and you know writing jokes and laughing and having a good time but you know that's our fucking little space man and it is the greatest thing on earth the one of the worst

things that happens in green rooms what ron's talking about is like you'll be in a green room and a bunch of agents will walk in and start talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Especially in L.A. It used to happen all the time. They all wanted to go in the green room. Yeah. So they'd go in the green room. And I've done shows before at these big theaters.

And there's people, I don't even know who they are, hanging around the green room. I'm like, okay. I don't even know who you are. It doesn't happen so much anymore, but in the past... Oh, when I played big venues out near California, the guys I didn't even know from APA and CAA or whoever the fuck I was with,

and the people from my office that I didn't even know, they're all back there in the green room trying to prove to me that they're earning some kind of fucking money i'm sending them yeah or whatever but that doesn't happen at the at the comedy mothership uh it's just us uh talking about we had really nobody knows much more about the business of this than we do you know the collective group that gets we feed off each other yeah yeah it's like we 100% feed off each other.

And this wasn't designed to be a commercial for the mothership, but it sounds like one. Yeah, but we're both super lucky. All of us are. Not just us in this room, but all of us together that we're all in on this together because that's what it is. It's like we got a spot where we can all fuck around. And we have a lot of other spots in Austin now because of that and along with and along with that right basically that makes the mothership a very proper name uh for that place for that club yeah because everything else kind of feeds off of it you know that was the that was the idea well there was a bunch of other names that i had for but that was the idea what what i liked about that

one is that we all do travel and and we're all stuck in this thing. If you're a stand-up and you want to go on the road, you've got to go places. But to have a place to go back to where you can keep your skills without traveling, that's what doesn't exist anywhere else. Well, that's what made me realize what we were missing when we came here. When we first came here, we were at the Vulcan. It was great, but it was a great place. And love Nick and everybody that worked there, but it wasn't set up perfect. Right.

It was hard to get around. You had to go downstairs to get on stage. It was like, there was a lot of annoying shit about it that was like kind of goofy, the way it was set up. And it's a great room to perform in. Like, the acoustics are fun. It rattles, you know. But I was like, we need the setup to be in. The acoustics are fun. It rattles. But I was like, we need the setup to be correct. And if we get the setup

completely correct, just do it absolutely the way a comic would want it to be done. Just do everything the way the comic, make it everything so it's the fucking easiest ride ever for the comics. They come in,

we go through the back, hey, up to the stairs. That's right. Yeah, it's just easy, fun. Everybody's going to have a good time. Let's go have fun. Let's have fun. And that's what we needed because we were on the road all the time.

And when you're on the road all the time, it's like you're in these places. You're only going to be there for a couple of nights. You're doing your stand-up with a couple friends you came with. Then you go back home, and then you wait until you go somewhere else again. You don't have a home base to touch in. Like, Ron, why? Now it's Cincinnati. No, no, no. Those Tuesdays wednesdays are the man they are they're the they are you know and it was kind of like it was at this store for a while yeah you know

when we were all supporting it at the same time and uh you know the crowds were you know it was always packed because they knew they were going to get a show they couldn't get any other time for any price that that show doesn't exist anywhere else and uh the other night we did a show it was me and you and shane gillis and uh uh jim norton who's yeah that guy makes me laugh harder than anybody uh theo vaughn came in all in one night yeah at the at the comedy Mothership. The crowd doesn't know. We don't even know. You don't even know who's all going to show up on the night.

But there's always room. If you're one of the big Kamiyamayas, we'll make room. There's always someone coming by. We'll always make room for you. And it's just fun. It's just a real fun environment. It's a real fun place to fuck around. And now that we have that, it makes it easier just fun. It's just a real fun environment. It's a real fun place to fuck around, you know. And now that we have that, it makes it easier for us.

It makes it easy for you to do this tour you're doing. It makes it for all of us. It's just a place to keep your chops, you know. And I don't care if you're doing short sets or long sets. You need to be doing sets because it keeps that familiarity with you and that audience. And it keeps that all secondary. It's something that you don't even think about. It's what you do it every goddamn day.

And that's what you should do. And then it doesn't matter if you're on the stage for 15 minutes or an hour and 15 minutes. It's just that you got to get on stage and talk to those people. And just so it's second nature to you. And if you don't do it for a while, it's not. You think about it. We don't think about sets before we walk on stage at the Mothership. You know, it's just what we do all the time.

But you remember what it was like when we took all those months off for COVID, then you did stand up again. Fuck, I was horrible. I couldn't believe how bad I was. And I didn't even know. That was the big question is, for me, was I didn't know what I was so good at that made it special to watch. You know, I didn't, because I was just doing an impression of myself in that I didn't have that confidence and all those things that come from knowing what's going to happen when you walk on stage.

You sat back at the Vulcan. You fucking killed. Fuck, it was awful. You fucking killed. You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. You got big laughs. I think it was awful. You fucking killed. You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. You got big laughs. I think it just didn't feel comfortable for you.

I think you didn't feel like you were killing because it didn't feel comfortable because you just haven't done it in so long. I think that's all it is. But for the audience member, you killed. If you look at that set versus my 15-minute set that I'm doing now. Well, you were talking about it the other night. That timing and all that stuff is back to sharp, you know, how I got here stuff, you know. And that's all growth that comes from fucking doing reps, you know. It's definitely a gym, that's for sure. And if you work out, you see the results.

And if you don't, you don't. I think it's just like golf. It's just like everything. Yeah, well, it's something I understand and I love. You know, and so I can appreciate it. And if you only play golf with idiots. Right. You know, you never really learn to play golf.

Yeah, and then you'd be going, I'm so great. You know, it's better for you to hang out with guys that can hit the ball further than you. Yes. You know, that's fine. That's fine. Because you can still beat those guys that can hit the ball further than you. Yes. You know, that's fine. That's fine. Because you can still beat those guys. If you're lucky.

If you're smart. Yeah. Well, there's always in groups of guys, there's always the one guy who's the dominant golf player, right? Yeah. Yeah. And that used to be me all the time. But now when I play, now I've got these friends that are fucking pros.

Is that a reps thing? Is that just a reps thing or is there a certain characteristic that some people have that makes them like really good at golf i think that some people are are born with a with a innate ability for athletics you know and some people aren't and you can you can try to get to that place all as hard as you want to like john daly you know yeah he's a gifted athlete you know and he would no matter what he had done he would have been great at it yeah but he chose to do it with golf and and his situation at home was real up abusive father horrible just horrible and i know a lot about him i've spent a lot of nights drinking with him and uh but he had

these hands man and this this ability to turn his back to his target and just keep going, and it generated literally no one had ever seen anybody do what John Daly did when he first started hitting. When he first came on the scene, the other pros were going out to the driving range going, watch this, and he's hitting the ball 75 yards past everybody and hitting the middle of the fairway with it. But he was so self-destructive that he could manage it to some point. You know, I don't know, and John doesn't know either, I'm sure.

But, you know, he won two majors, which, you know, most people that play professional golf will never win one or never win a tournament. Most people that have a card to play on the PGA Tour never win on the PGA Tour. So he didn't do earth-shattering stuff like Tiger did as far as the numbers go, but he just had that natural ability, and his son is just like him, which is kind of a weird thing because that father-son thing doesn't mesh up. And who knows if it ultimately will.

But his son's got a pocket full of money, bets with everybody there. He's about 16. No, he's in college now. So he's quite a player. He's got his dad's backswing. Damn. So it's genetic.

Well, some of it's got to be. Man, I would imagine. Yeah, there he is right there. I would imagine. That's who I play golf with. With their fucking belts. Yeah. They won the father-son tournament.

They beat Tiger and his kid. Bro, how great are John Daly's pants? Yeah, yeah. Look at those pants. Those are so classic. Yep, and you can. Little skulls all over them. Those green alligator shoes. He's awesome. He's one of a kind, that's for sure. One of over him. Those green alligator shoes.

He's awesome. He's one of a kind. That's for sure. One of a kind. One of a kind. How many Diet Cokes did he say he drinks a day? Well, he drinks. Oh, boy, he just drinks so much.

But he drinks Diet Cokes and chocolate milk. And he doesn't really eat. And then he drinks vodka by the Galabalans. The Diet Coke and chocolate milk. Chocolate milk. If you go. I've take Coke and chocolate milk. Chocolate milk. If you go, because we. Look at him. I've stayed in the same house with him before.

And he's also, oddly enough, he's a neat freak. He gets up in the morning and he'll make breakfast for everybody that's in the, you know, the golf fucking complex there. Like four rooms or whatever. He's up in the morning vacuuming, shining stuff up. It's not even his job to do it. But he's a neat freak morning vacuuming shining stuff it up not even his job to do it and but he's a neat freak and he loves to cook for people and and at night he'll sing songs and play guitar until you're so bored with it you can't stand yourself and uh you know but it's a hoot it's a show but in the refrigerator gallons of milk and a chocolate a hershey's

chocolate squirt bottle he makes it it up himself, you know. So he makes his own chocolate milk, he stirs it. And then Diet Cokes and then cigarettes, you know, one after another. Pull that back up, Jamie, with the statistics that you were showing. The statistics he was just showing about how many cigarettes and Diet Cokes he drank in one game. The reason this is a daily diet. I don't know. Yeah, but that one image that you had on the other page, there was, you had, there it is. John Daly smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke and no water at a PGA Tour event. John Daly once smoked 21 cigarettes and drank 12 cans of Coke at a tour event with no water.

The controversial golfer is known among fans for his somewhat different style to today's fitness-obsessed stars. So if he drank 12 Coca-Colas, though, you do have to think, like, that is a lot of energy and a lot of sugar. Yeah, and this guy doesn't practice ever at golf. Really? No. doesn't practice ever at golf he doesn't really no he'll go out there and he'll hit sand wedges uh and he'll hit maybe four of them and uh it goes straight to the tee box whether he's playing a professional tour event or playing with everybody and he tells me just hit some sand wedge you got to hit that side if you can hit that solid you can get them all solid just do that there's no sense working your way through a bag and spending all goddamn day you know just because that you're trying to get loose not better

we're playing right you don't have time to get better you just got time to get loose get loose with one club so but uh it he uh but that's just how much ability he's got most of these guys you know they take this shit serious every goddamn day of their life, hours and hours and hours a day, go into nothing but preparing. He spends no time at all. And he doesn't win very much, but he makes a lot of noise, and he lives life the way he wants to, and he's so unapologetic. And he's kind of a hero because of it. Yeah, he's totally a hero, and he should be.

He is a living legend of athletic fucking superiority. And there he is, Hooters. There's his endorsement right there. He loves Hooters. That's hilarious. Yeah, for years and years, I'd go to the Masters, and I'd park my bus right next to his bus at the Hooters. Hilarious.

And go down and watch the game. And he would make a fortune because people go to that tournament to see golf, right? But those guys aren't available. You know, they don't stick around signing autographs and do shit

like that. John does. So he's got a merch tent set up at the Hooters and he'll do four hundred thousand dollars worth of business in a week just sitting there signing stuff flags whatever taking pictures he hustles that parking lot and uh does it every year he's always out there he'll you know he's nice anyway and uh he likes fans and he'll talk to you about anything anybody and uh you know if he's in a good mood if he's in a shitty mood maybe not but he still gets to you about anything, anybody. And, you know, if he's in a good mood. If he's in a shitty mood, maybe not. But he still gets it, you know, because he gambles a lot.

So he never has, I don't think he ever had a big surplus of money. He had some big deals from Callaway. But I think, you know, he's playing slot machines, a thousand bucks a pull all the time. And so he's always had to hustle on the side you know so but he but he gets it done you know now he's got a vodka drink kind of like the honor palmer except it's got booze in it's called john daly selling shit out of it yeah what is the john daly what's the mixture honor palmer is uh lemonade and iced tea right i think then you had some vodka i would imagine is that what it is john d Daly? Yeah. Vodka.

Fuck yeah. Yeah. Him and I, I quit drinking, you know, that about three years ago. And Kid Rock hangs out up there all the time. And they're really good buddies.

And he plays golf. It's just not a great golf course either. It's just this one we all go to. And, you know, it's got good greens. And we have fun time out there.

And they'll be banging on the door of my bus. We're going to the Teddy Bar. Come go to the... I know it's got good greens and we have fun time out there and they'll be banging on the door of my bus we're going to the teddy bar come to the bluff dude what part of uh if i don't drink anymore do you not understand i'm no i'm not going to the teddy bar with you and kid rock and once you get jack with strippers till dawn and hilarious so now they don't talk to me much. Those fucking guys, when they sober up, the party's all gone. Right, that's right. Yeah, I read something the other day that said if you quit drinking,

that doesn't automatically make you no fun. That's a separate decision you have to make. That's very well put. Yeah, right? Very well put. I know a lot of comics that stopped drinking like david tell i think is the best example of a guy who stopped drinking and just got way better like he was always hilarious he was always an amazing comic he's always been fun

but i think it was just taking a toll on his body and then when he quit it's like all of a sudden he had energy again he's writing a shit ton of great material. I think he's at his highest level ever now. And he hasn't drank in a long time. He just keeps getting better. Years and years. But he was out of control, though. For a little bit.

Well, he had that show. Insomnia. That was true. That's what he would do every night i worked with him i ended up doing a bunch i went to the montreal comedy festival and he and i we didn't know each other and we were doing a bunch of shows at the at the dirty show or whatever it was oh yeah there's like 12 shows in a week and so we met that's back when he drank and i drank and and uh so we were fast friends and i thought he

was funny as i didn't you know i had never seen any of it and i just love to tell and he's so much fun to hang out with one of the best of all time but he would come through town and and boy after the show he's gone you know he goes into a dark nether world of you know whatever is going on down there he finds it and uh you know so but he didn't do anything i mean he quit he quit everything he got sober when yeah when people go i heard you quit getting fucked up i'm like yeah you heard it wrong you know you just quit there's more than one way to skin a cat is the way i the way i look at it i think the way you're skinning it right now is the best way yeah i think so it's the best way it makes for the most fun I don't, you know, I feel really good about all the decisions I made that got me to where I am right this minute, you know, as far as liquor goes.

I didn't, you know. It makes for the most fun. The situation we're in right now makes for the most fun. If they would just hurry up and decriminalize mushrooms and things along those lines. Yeah, because then we'd start doing mushrooms. But as long as they're against the law, we don't do them. Exactly. We're against it.

That's what I'm saying. We put a stop to it. In fact, we're part of the mechanism. Imagine if it's the only thing that can really get us out of this, but we're all so dismissive of it. It sounds like loony tunes, right? But if you could give mushrooms to every living human being on this planet all in one day, we could sort a lot of shit out. That's what Hicks said.

It was our accelerator pad to our evolution, you know. Well, he was a big Terrence McKenna fan, and he quoted Terrence McKenna in his act. And Terrence McKenna was the guy who came up with that theory that the reason why human beings evolved is from mushrooms. Oh, okay. It's called the stone-da ape theory. It's a crazy theory What is feral scientists recommending easing restrictions on marijuana? Oh, I did see that Yeah, they want to make it a schedule three. So it has some medicinal uses Shrooms are we that's just weed. That's weed first. Oh, it'll just never gonna give it to you all at once

It's just too revolutionary. Well, Texas, you know, we still don't even have mercy weed. You can't get weed if you have cancer, if you're dying of cancer? I don't think so. Not in Texas. There's no medical weed in Texas at all? It's like 0.3% you could get if you're dying next week or something. Right, which is kind of weird because, you know, not that I, you know.

I mean, you can buy the edibles that you can buy or THC edibles. And they, but they got it, that law passed because they didn't understand the law because they were going by weight of something. And, but they didn't realize that there's, okay, these gummies are 14%. You know, so they're trying to fight it now, but right now it's legal to buy that. But, and then something that's just like pot, like milligram or whatever off you know they sell that delta nine delta nine i don't smoke it because you know it's classified as marijuana and i would never do anything that's good for you illegal yeah well i witnessed brian simpson take a few of those gummies yeah right and they were supposed to be very mild and he was very upset at how fucked up he was.

He was very upset. He was like, this is outrageous. He was shocked. He couldn't believe what was going on. Does smelling salts wake anybody up out of that?

I've never tried. Ooh, that's a good question. That's a solid question, Jamie. What was the question? He said that smelling salts wakes someone up out of like a weave stupor. Yeah, it will

because I've used those ones that are on the table in the green room. Yeah, you ever get too stoned to do a set and then you just pick up one of those salts and just jerky right out of it for a minute? You probably, you've only taken the ones that we have at the mothership then. The what? You've never had the smelling salts here. No.

Oh, this is significantly stronger. Here at the? The stuff that we have here in the studio versus the stuff that we have in the green room the stuff we have in the green was kind of old so when you open it you really got to get your nose in there and really dig in this motherfucker will knock your dick into the dirt this is what makes you think i want my no i wouldn't say you do dick knocked into the dirt it. It's worth experiencing because it's so potent. It's shocking. Wait a minute.

Let me get ready. Are you going to get a fresh one? Yeah. You got any freshies? There's still four, I think, fresh ones here. Well, let me see how bad. Do we have these in any chronological order? All right.

Let me grab one. I'll see what we got. I'm sure that's definitely going to do the job. All right, we'll see what's up. He's got frogs in here. Let's see what's up. Here we go. You'll know which one's stronger right away.

Oh, that's probably pretty good then. That works. Wow. Wow. This one's very legit. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to do it. No, no, no, no, no. You need to. You works. Wow. Wow. This one's very legit. Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to do it. No, no, no, no, no.

You need to. You need to now. I don't want to. Whatever it caused you to look like you just look like you're about to. I feel great now. Give me, let me. All right. Fuck.

Let me. Right now, I feel great. I don't know if that would. Yeah, I think it would help. Oh. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah. Who don't have any of this at the club? That's what I'm talking about. Who don't have any of this at the club?

That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. I don't like when people talk shit about how easy smelling salts are. You've never had real smelling salts. I've never been this awake in my life. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm talking about. Oh, man.

I'm going to do one on the other side. Shout out to that dude, Juju Mufu, right? Am I saying it right? Yep. Shout out to him for creating the greatest smelling salts in the history of the world. Did you go in for a second? Yeah. Oh, my God, you fucking animal.

He only got it in one side. He's an animal. He only went up one side if I had to get that other side. I thought he was going to leave the show. Oh, man, I was worried you were going to get mad and leave the show. That was like meth. That's very potent. That's what it feels like going down.

Well, this guy who created this is like this crazy power lifter dude. But there's no after effect of it, is there? No. I don't think you should do it too often. I just did it once every 10 seconds. It's not making me any smarter. Yeah. Okay.

All right. Well, I don't have any. I don't have anywhere to go but fucking up. All of us have nowhere to go but up. That's what AI is all about. But I think it's probably not good. That's that guy. He created it.

Look at the body on that son of a bitch. Look at the crazy shit he can do. Full splits in between chairs while holding up. It looks like Josh Blue. Yeah. Not in that picture. I mean, the dude's a crazy athlete. Like, that is absolutely ridiculous strength to be able to do that.

And that's preposterous. So a lot of those powerlifter dudes, they take a big blast at this shit before they lift. Okay. Let's say I want to look like that. But I'm 67, right? Yeah. How many hours a day would I have to dedicate of my life?

No bullshit. I mean, of course, I could never get to that. No, you couldn't get to that. Of course. But no bullshit. You could change your entire body with weightlifting and steroids in a year.

We would get you to a Russian scientist and they'd hook you up with the latest fucking greatest top shelf. Like if we got a project like did you ever see that documentary Icarus? It's a great Icarus. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, it's Brian Fogel's. It's his, right? Brian Fogel's. It's his, right? Brian Fogel's. Why did I freeze there for a minute?

Brian, who also did The Dissident, which is another amazing documentary. But Brian did this race. He did it completely clean. And then he was going to get this Russian doping guy to tell him what to take. And then he was going to do the same race the next year, juiced up. And he was doing it for a documentary to show what the difference is. He's not competitive like he could win, right? He's a very good cyclist though So in the middle of this process of going through this thing with this Russian guy, right? it comes out that the Russians cheated in the Sochi Olympics and

So when they cheated in the Olympics, they used piss that was like fake piss. They like smuggled piss through a hole in the wall. And this guy was a part of the whole program. And he's in this documentary. And these are all this is all happening. These are cyclists. He's a cyclist. He gets doped up for this documentary. This is what he's doing. And so in getting doped up with steroids and EPO, he's talking to this guy who's the head of this Russian anti-doping agency. They're just Russian doping. Everyone's doped.

And this guy tells him everything. He spills the beans on the whole program. And now the guy's in the fucking witness protection plan. They've got him shut all around the country to keep him alive. Russia wants him dead. This fucking guy spilled the beans. They juiced him to shuttle all around the country to keep him alive. Russia wants him dead. This fucking guy spilled the... They juiced the whole Olympic team. And this guy, Brian,

got very lucky and caught it in the middle of it happening. So it's just dumb luck that the Russians get busted for doping while he's doing a documentary on doping with the guy who did the fucking doping and he didn't have anything to do with the them getting exposed no not at all it was that what

happened was they used these jars that were supposed to be impregnable right so there's these jars you would urinate into the jar and then once they had your sample it would be sealed in a way that no one could open well they found these micro scratches that are all over the inside of these supposedly sealed jars that led them to believe that someone had figured out a way to hack into that and open these things. And they realized that the Russians had figured out a way with a new piece of equipment. They engineered, they got their own bottles and they got, they engineered a tool that would allow them to open it up and then they would put it back on. So they would go and they would take the piss out and they would bring it in with a new bottle and the new bottle was filled with clean piss and

so there's Literally they had a hole in the wall literally had a hole in the wall where they were swapping out the clean piss for the dirty Piss this the official urine sample room hole and storage space and in storage space is where they had all the clean urine. And they got busted while this guy was doing it. So if we got that guy, that Russian, to turn you into a fucking stud, we need about 16 months. We need about 16 months. But do we really need a Ron White that's all amped up on that?

We don't need that. No. We don't need that. But if you ever want to go that way. No. You don't need that. But just like, you know, you don't need to play golf. Yeah.

Well, I'm the one that asked the question. No, no, no. It's a fair question. It's like, how long would it take? I mean, you're not obese. You're fit because you walk around a lot. You're doing a lot of golf. You're playing a sport all the time.

So you're active. I stretch for that game. So I'm pretty limber for you know that 67 year old that game looks like it would really benefit from like rotational work yeah do you do like uh you ever do with a trainer or whether you do like cables no i you know what i do everything i do in my golf swing right now i do to avoid two tears i've gotten my shoulders and but for the most part it doesn't hurt to make that, as long as everything stays connected. It's when I do like this that they really hurt.

Have you ever done stem cells? Yeah. Well, with the same guys that, with the Ways to Well folks. And it's better than it was because before I couldn't do that at all. And now I can. And it doesn't really hurt that bad. But before, if I got into there and just pushed it back a little bit, it not only hurt, it hurt when I quit doing it. And still, it's not exactly right. It's not exactly right. I have a plan that can

help you tremendously that I use for my shoulders. I have no affiliation with this company. It's called Crossover Symmetry. I bought it. I bought it online. I think I bought it on Amazon. I had one at home and one at the gym. It's a bunch of different cords. They attach to posts and they have these cables and some of them are like 10 pounds, some of them are 15 pounds, some are 25 pounds. And they give you a plaque and the plaque has a series of different exercises for your shoulders, all for shoulder strength. It makes a giant difference, a giant difference. So you use these cables, and it's not hard work.

You're not, like, lifting heavy weight or anything like this. This is, like, rehabilitation and strength work. So on the last ones, you are getting, like, a good pump, but it's very controlled. It's very controllable. And in the process, but it's very controlled. It's very controllable. And in the process, you're strengthening your shoulders. You're strengthening all the things that are not that strong, which is why you're probably getting injured in the first place, unless it's some sort

of a catastrophic situation. For the most part, people get injured because their shoulders just aren't in good condition. Now, I fell when I was young off a cliff into a pool it was 78 feet hamilton's pool right over here in austin texas and i landed not like you should land okay so it's catastrophic it ripped everything it sprained both wrists and and my shoulders but i never had it looked at it was just bad for a long time that i had it just a few years ago in beverly hills i had them do a cat scan or whatever the fuck. MRI, probably. MRI. What'd they say? They said you got tears in both of them. There, that's where I fell, right here. It was 78 feet. Oh my God. And it was, I was standing at the top where

people were jumping off and I was really drunk and, uh, and I didn't really jump off. I kind of tripped and stumbled and then just went, oh, well, I'm going with it and fell off. Oh, shit. And I just landed like I was sitting down with my arms kind of back. Oh, God. How deep is the water? Well, it turned out I wasn't very deep into it. It's a pretty deep pool, but I don't even know. But I was this far underwater because that's how flat I landed. I didn't even go underwater.

Oh, no. That must have sucked. I knocked the breath out of me and people were like are you okay and i'm like which they they took that to mean i'm fine yeah don't do a thing even if you have damage to your shoulders that shoulder strengthening program will help you if you it'll help you retain um range of motion because you're doing it kind of slowly. And if you just stay persistent with it and consistent and just do it every day. And if you're doing it every day,

you're not even doing it like that hard. It's not like a thing where you're like killing yourself, but you're doing like eyes wise and tease with like little dumbbells, do things like that. And do just do like easy things that strengthen your shoulder. You'd be amazed at how much more shoulder mobility and strength you'd have if you just strengthen all the connective stuff yeah i'm sure i'm sure that doing anything would be more than i'm doing now which is absolutely nothing yeah get a fucking trainer ron get some you know what i tried to get i used to have sassy young lady

that's gonna crack you into shape i used to have my yoga instructor would come over to my house every day or five days a week. And she was beautiful and smart and funny. And she was great. And it was basically a yoga nap. It was so easy. Breathing and with smells. And she was all mystical and shit. I like it.

But my girlfriend was like, eh. Yeah. Good call on her part. Right, right. Yeah, she was like, eh. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you – Good call on her part. Right, right. Yeah, she was all over me. She's never wrong. She's got this intuition, and she's never been wrong. Yeah, you don't want that around your man.

That's them yoga freaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're a little bit more in tune to sexuality. They're in a room that's 94 degrees, and they're all sweating on top of each other. Yeah, yeah. It has a lasting impression. Sticking their crotches up in the in the air i mean everybody's a little bit more free after a yoga class but it was still good for me it was a good way to start the day oh yeah it's a great way to start i used to love doing it that way when i lived in california i used to do the um becram style

they changed the name after he got busted a bunch of times. But it was Bikrams when I first started. And it was that series of poses, which I think he just popularized. I don't believe any of them. I don't even know if he put them in that order, if they were already in that order that people do them. But whatever it is, that order. Forget what you think about him, as gross as that guy is. That guy, he's very funny he wasn't he wasn't all that gross people will pay one million dollars

for one drop of my sperm you ever see him say that yeah you ever see him say that a million dollars for it i earned that i mean he's a psychopath yeah wild. Wild man. But that guy. That's why you really can't start fucking your followers. Yeah. Because it's just going to. He seemed. Even though it seems like a good idea at the time. But yeah, he was getting a lot of. He's a cult leader.

I mean, I think it's just like any other cult, even though it does provide the benefit of the yoga. So the thing is, like, whatever it is, like, you take him out of the equation because it's not. They're not his exercises. And I don't think they're his order. Can you find out if that's true? If you put it in that order, if he invented the order, but whatever it is, if you just follow those exercises in that order, it's awesome. And you do it every day and there's no variation. I love variation in a yoga class. I love to be able to go into yoga class they're doing different stuff it's fun but i also love going to this class where it's a 90 minute class and there's a specific number of movements and you know what they are because you've done this over and over and over and over again it's a fucking challenge and you're all in there gutting it out together like that's a real human struggle. I know it sounds ridiculous. My experience was nothing like that.

This was Kai. I'm on a little thing stretching my back while I'm laying there breathing in some incense. That's good, too, though. And doing some breath work. Listen, that's good, too. And just breathing and no grunting. Well, with the 90-minute one, you've got to be hydrated. You've got to be prepared for that.

You've got to get some electrolytes in your system. Yeah, I went to a hot yoga one time and I literally threw up in the parking lot. I was in there, it made me sick, and I'd eaten, you know, whatever. I guess you shouldn't eat. I think they do it at 104. I think it's 104 degrees.

VUCA also follows a sequence of 26 postures. Students improve flexibility and circulation through this sequence with the high temperatures allow them to enter each posture more easily. The poses were chosen from Chudhuri, from classic Hatha poses designed to systematically move fresh oxygenated blood to 100% of your body to each organ and fiber. So it was him?

He came up with this sequence? I think he hacked it, right? I think. I think he hacked it. I'm not finding anything that says he didn't. Because he made a bunch of claims about winning yoga tournaments in this country, and they're like, we don't have yoga tournaments in this country. It's a yoga kumite.

They meet in the woods. The yoga to death. Okay, Hatha Yoga Studio practices different types of yoga. Most studios try to keep their hot yoga classes anywhere from a balmy 75 degrees to a steamy 95 degrees. The elevated temperature. I think they do 104. Yeah. Okay.

Let's just explain this place. Since we practice Bikim Yoga, our goal is to replicate the environment found in southern India. Our yoga teachers set the thermostats from 103 to 108 degrees. Let's go. Now, that's hot yoga. That's what Tony does, right? He does that every week. Yeah.

Pink Floyd music. Yeah. Yeah, he says it's a really good class. But he loves doing that hot yoga. It keeps Tony normal. It helps him with his evil brain. Yeah. His evil brain needs a touch of the divine.

Yeah. He needs to be connected. I love him to death. Oh, he's the best. You sold out the fucking Madison Square Garden in three hours. Touch of the divine. Yeah. He needs to be connected. I love him to death. Oh, he's the best. He sold out the fucking Madison Square Garden in three hours. Two Madison Square Gardens. They're killing the game.

They deserve everything they're getting. It's a fantastic show. When he came up with that idea, that didn't sound like a good idea to anybody, I don't think. You know, that we're going to get guys that suck for sure and they're going to do a minute and we're going to make fun of them or whatever try to help them or you know but but it's such an engaging amazingly great idea well you know what it is it's an idea that was developed entirely by tony and red band together over years so tony comes up with the idea he partners together with bread band they figure out how to do this slowly over years so they're doing it in the belly room of the comedy store in front of like 50 fucking people there's no one there in the beginning they're doing from that to selling out madison square garden in three hours in like 10 years right

which is but yeah you can question it all you want to. If you leave a great comic alone and let him come up with his own thing and figure out... No one's better at hosting a show than that guy. Oh, nobody. Because he's into wrestling. So everything he announces,

it's hard to follow the fucking credits that he gives you when he brings you on stage in that thing you know if you're one of his regulars yeah you know you think this guy sold out three nights it's fucking madison square garden you got to go follow that intro right but you know yeah nobody could do it and nobody else could do it but him he's so quick he's so quick with like roast lines like when him and david lucas go at it i swear i don't think i ever laugh harder in life when him and david there's there's some videos of him and david lucas going at it

where i'm red like a grape and i can't breathe because i haven't i haven't taken in a breath in 30 seconds i'm just laughing i'm just dying they're so good at going back and forth with each other they're so good there's a shit ton of videos We don't have to play any of them But if people are interested the shit ton of videos online of Tony and David Lucas They're like I've been telling these fucking dudes since the beginning of time not like Tony needs anything else now Right if you wanted to do another podcast the podcast is him and David Lucas just talking shit and reading the news I'm like you two get together and just talk shit

about the news and start ragging on each other. It would be immensely popular. Right. Immensely popular. Those two dudes have magic together. There's something about those two characters when they get together and start talking shit to each other and they're both laughing when they get each other. There's no hard feelings at all.

Right. None. None at all. None at all. When Tony gets David hard, David is the hardest laugher in the room. He's laughing harder than anybody, and he's enjoying it. He doesn't feel bad at all. Not even a smidgen. And neither does Tony.

When Tony, when David gets Tony, and Tony goes, you son of a bitch. Yeah, you son of a bitch. You got me. You son of a bitch. He starts talking about his bald spot. You son of a bitch. You son of a bitch you got me you son of a bitch he starts talking about his bald spot

you son of a bitch they have so much fun it's amazing because it's just such a well oiled machine it's just been running so smooth for so long and then the new year shows just took them to a totally different level you know having Jelly Roll come out there

and sing to open up the show what the fuck man what the fuck everybody wants to participate having Jelly Roll come out there and sing to open up the show. What the fuck, man? What the fuck? Everybody wants to participate. Oh my God, it's so special. It's fucking awesome. I tell everybody, it's the cornerstone of stand-up comedy in Austin.

It's the cornerstone because it's a place where people can get their first time ever on stage and you can do it in front of a million fucking people. Yeah, I don't know. I was pretty nervous, and it was like 85 people. Yeah, but it's okay. Do you want to do this or not?

Right. You know what? Not you, but you know what I'm saying? It's the most amazing thing. People coming up. Because it does send a net out there to find talented people that they might not have seen that avenue to get to where we are another way. But they're fans of that. They're like, I could do that. And then they do what it takes to get in it.

And also, it encourages the spread of other rooms around town. You've got enough talent that they get together. And then a guy says, hey, I have a room. Do you guys want to book a room? And then you always get that from the more industrious of the comics. They'll figure, oh, we've got a bar over here, Tuesday night comedy night. And so the amount of work that folks can get around here is crazy right now. You know what I used to do?

I used to go to hotels that had a restaurant in them, and I'd set up a comedy competition where you won $25 and a meal for two people, and then I would only invite comics I knew I could beat because I wanted that money. I needed that $25 and that free dinner for two. Me and Lori, Marshall's mom, would go down there just happy as we could be, eating our free food i want another one you know why didn't john mcdonald well yeah i couldn't get a hold of them that's smart oh yeah what a great way to a little stage time nice that's a good scam free

food that's a solid scam yeah yeah when i lived in boston we were real lucky there were so many road gigs there were so many gigs you could do on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. You could almost work seven days a week if you knew enough booking agents and you were willing to drive. You had a reliable car. You could go to New Hampshire one night. Next night, you're in Billerica. Next night, you're in Rhode Island. Like, you're moving around.

Well, you know what I did, which was pretty smart, and I never accused myself of being smart very often but but i noticed that that really you're a master of ceremonies you're not the opening act you know your biggest job as the opener was to be the mc you know and so if you did a written i noticed everybody was doing a really shitty job they had a crinkled up notes in their pocket next week at the thing and i was like and uh i'm like i'm gonna get good at that you know and my act too but i'm gonna do a really good i'm gonna study the notes i'm gonna know them i'm gonna make it look like a show you know i'm gonna do a better job at being a host than those guys are and then i had i there were four clubs in the dallas area i worked one of

them once a month as the opening act so i I worked every goddamn night, nine shows a week. But you know why? Because I was a better fucking host, not because I was funnier. I made it look like showbiz. That's nice. Make it look like a slick fucking deal. Yeah. That's what Tony does.

He makes it look like the right kind of package. It's done the right way. It's also wild, too. That show's wild. Some of the shit they say is so wild. It's so, they so go for it. Well, that's why, you know, that's what I love about it, because you

don't know. You don't know. That deck ain't stacked, folks. Let me tell you something. I tried to stack it one time because my banker wanted to do stand-up, and I thought I could just slide him in. They were like, no fucking way. Those come out of a hat. We don't know who they are. It's the only way to do it.

And you guys explained to me. And I'm like, of course that's right. It has to be like biblical law. Yeah. You know, like you have to just really reach in there and really get a piece. Otherwise, you're lying about the whole thing. Right, right. And I'm telling you, folks, I tried.

And I was shot down. No, the show crackles. It crackles. I had to go back to my banker and go, yeah, I can't do anything really to help you. That's hilarious, your banker. He's going to give you an interest rate decrease. I'm sure he's hilarious. The world's missing out on something big.

It'd be fun to watch him bomb. But you know what? The thing is, you can come up there, and with a recommendation from me, you can do three minutes on Monday night. Sure. Yeah, you can do three minutes on Monday night. Sure. You know? Yeah, you can do it on Mike night. Open Mike night. So that's what he did.

Well, that's a great way to start. That's how you want to start. You don't want to start on Kill Tony, but a lot of people have. Well, yeah, right. That's what I mean. That would be a hard place to start. Insane. Right?

And especially if you know it's a million fucking people. But also, like, amazing thing to document if that really was the first time and you actually wound up right on from there and having a career. Yeah, and you'd have good footage of it. Yeah, I mean, look, it can be done. It can be done if you're funny. There's people out there that are, we all know people that are so funny that for whatever

reason never decided to stand up. For me, it was my boss. I was working for a private investigator at one point in time and he lost his license drinking and driving and he put in an ad for a private investigator's assistant. It was really just someone to drive him around because he didn't have a license. And so I was looking for unconventional ways

to make money while I was doing martial arts. So that was what I decided to do. I started working for this guy when I was doing stand-up comedy. When I just started. I was just like one open mic, two open mics in. Like I had just started. And I met this dude.

And he was absolutely the funniest dude I had ever met in my life. I couldn't believe how funny he was. Funnier than any of the comedians at the clubs. Totally natural, laughing about everything. And the guy fucking went cold turkey. No AA, no programs, no nothing. Crashed his car, ran from the cops got busted and is like you know what I'm fucking done

this guy was a character man, he was a fucking character his name was Dave Dolan he used to call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan he was one of the funniest fucking human beings I've ever met and you just drove him around? I drove him around for months I forget how long he lost his license for

I don't know what it is you know when your license gets suspended for DUI but he lost it for quite a amount of time and during that time I was uh making my transition from uh stand up from fighting to uh stand up because I was I was in the middle of both worlds and it was while I was working for him were you still playing pool at the time were you no I wasn't playing pool at No, I wasn't playing pool at all. No, I wasn't playing pool at all. I didn't start playing pool until I hurt my knee. I mean, I played a couple of times here and there with friends, but I wasn't really into it until I tore my ACL.

You know, if you have an ACL injury, it has to be diagnosed. Then you have to schedule an appointment. You have to get surgery. So it was a long time where I couldn't do any martial arts. It was just too unstable. It was really fucked up. I badly tore my ACL and tore my meniscus. It was like real wobbly. So I really couldn't do martial arts. So it was only just like lifting weights. And I was looking for something challenging to do. And me and my friend would go, he got a job, my friend

John got a job working at this pool hall. And he and I would just go there and just knock balls around for free during the day because he was working there. Right. So he'd be like working behind the counter, and I just got obsessed with it, man. And I just happened to be around all these people that were like really good players, like high-level professionals would come in from the road because it was a gambling pool hall. It's called Executive Billiards in White Plains. Is this Boston? No, this was New York.

Okay. So I didn't really get into pool until i was like 23 24 23 or 24 that's when i really started getting into pool and that's before stand-up or no i was in the middle of stand-up it was okay it was a problem where like my manager said to me he goes i think you care more about pool than you do your career i was like oh shit i was like golf it was right your golf i was playing every day eight eight ten hours a day no every day every day i was traveling to go play in tournaments i was going to tournaments many nights of the week that i could have easily been doing stand-up i was going to play in tournaments i'd go to connecticut to play i'd

go to jersey to play i go to west end billiards and watch the killers play wow west end billiards and watch the Killers play. Wow. West End Billiards was this place in a real sketchy part of New Jersey. Ooh, it was sketchy. And it was this place where it was world-renowned as being like a player's pool hall. Like Hawaiian Rodney Morris was there, and fucking

Mike Siegel played there. The greats of all time. Do they even have places like that around here? There's not that many of them. There's Hard Times in Sacramento. That's still a big one. That's a big one. They stream big tournaments from there.

Yeah. That one's legit. That's a legit real players pool hall. But there's not a lot of them left in the country, unfortunately. Because the game is not very publicized. Except it's got more of a following now because of the internet. Because people are watching those clips. Right, watching.

And they realize. Real high-level pool, you know, like Joshua Filler. Watch that guy play. My favorite is this guy from Taiwan. His name is Ko Ping Chung. He's my favorite. He's so smooth. When you watch that guy move the ball around the table, it's so effortless and precise. And his cue ball control

is just magical. Magical. He played in the U.S. Open and won 11 games in a row on a four inch pocketed table if you if you knew how crazy that is To run those kind of racks on a four inch pocketed table. It's like almost so what was it for? I don't even know that's out. I don't know. Okay, so if you buy a Brunswick gold crown stock from the factory It probably has five inch pockets if you buy a diamond it has four and a half But you can get it all the way down to four and they got it all the way down to four full five inch pockets if you buy a diamond it has four and a half but you can get it all the way down to four and they got it all the way down to four full four inch pockets are fucking small yeah they're small and this fucking dude ran 11 games with four inch pockets he he went through so he ran 11 games i mean like the other guy didn't get a shot for 11 games? Either the guy had a shot and missed and then he ran out

or he had a safety, he made a safety and the guy had a kick and then he got the ball back. But whatever he did, he just played like perfect pool for a number of games. See, if you watch the guy play, man, if you really know how to play, like it's just effortless there's something about the style and he he just keeps getting better too like every time you see him in each tournament he just gets a little bit better these guys all stopped playing because of

the pandemic so for for a couple of years they couldn't play internationally right so they kind of fell off a little bit and only the guys who were in certain tours where you were allowed to still play guys were playing with masks on it got like real weird for a while and some of the guys since international travel was limited they didn't get that high pressure you know going to the u.s open in atlantic city that was the big one where he was at that's like a big that's where he wasn't while that was being shot that's all the killers from all around the world gather up in Atlantic City. And do they know who's going to win before they go into it? You can't know who's going to win.

They're too good. I mean, so there's not a number one that's significantly better than everybody else, like there was in golf for years with Tiger Woods. There's a guy named Shane Van Boning, and he's won more than anyone, and he's won the U.S. Open. He's tied with Earl Strickland, who's another one of the all-time greats. I think maybe Strickland has more. Strickland might have more.

Who won the most U.S. Opens? Shane Van Boning or Strickland? Either way, this guy wins everything. He's won World 9 ball. He's won the U.S. Open multiple times. He's favored to beat most people, but that doesn't mean he's going to win. Because a guy like Ko Ping Chung could just run out

and you might never get a chance. And you don't even get a shot at it, right? Okay, Earl Strickland and Shane Van Boning, both from the U.S., share the record for winning the U.S. Open nine-ball championship the most time. Five. Strickland in 84, 87, 93, 97, and 2000, and then Van Boning in 2007, 12, 13, 14, and 16. He's evil.

He's evil on the table. And when he plays, he shuts his hearing aids off. He's got hearing aids. He shuts those bitches off, and he's in a world of his own, man. He doesn't hear any jeering. Fucking pinball wizard. He's the pinball wizard. Yeah.

He's the pinball wizard. Yeah, he's a monster, man. He's a monster. One of the greatest players of all time. If you have a list of the top five greatest players of all time and you have Shane Van Boning on that list, we're not having a conversation. You're a silly person. And what's his mothership?

Where does he go to hang out and play pool? South Dakota is where he started out. They call him the South Dakota kid. He had a table in the basement that had really tight pockets, and he would practice his break on it so much that the center of the table was just white from being compressed from the cue ball, smashing into the rack and then slapping down the same spot over and over. He broke so much that he created like a white cloud around where you rack the balls. Wow.

Because he's just obsessed. And like universally regarded as one of the greatest breakers of all time, if not the greatest. So these guys are on some spectrum. A hundred percent. Yeah. Right. Because it's got to matter. You have to be. the greatest breakers of all time if not the greatest these guys are on some spectrum a hundred yeah yeah right because it's gotta matter you have to be yeah you got you have to be you want to compete yeah go get vaccinated we need you we we need you in a different realm no there's a lot of guys that are like super normal that are high-level competitors that are like normal guys Like you could hang out with them. They're cool as fuck

It's just an obsession that they could have been doing that with anything else could have been disc golf It could have been frisbee carpentry good whatever it is. These are just obsessive people that are Decided by the game Tiger-stunned I just saw over the weekend Over a 10-year stretch from 1999 to 2009, Tiger was more likely to win 34% than finish 9th or worse, 32%, for 10 years. That's insane.

Yeah, he's a monster. Yeah, nobody ever racks up those kinds of numbers. He's a monster. You've got 150 people every week, so you should win one out of 152. You know, instead of 25 percent of the ones that you fucking enter it's just crazy yeah you have to never be done again i'd like to think a mad genius to pull that off and a mad genius raised by his dad to be that from the time he was really

young you know yeah you'd have to have a springboard right yeah i mean that's what he was right and also like if your dad plays golf man if someone in your family plays i really really wonder this if you are you transferring some of your comedy into your kids are you transferring some of your they've said that even bad ideas like even racism can, can be inherited. This is like a speculation. I forget how they ran that study. But they think that there's some aspect of thinking and of life and of experiences that somehow or another gets transferred to your kid. Which makes sense because the big ones do.

Like fear of spiders. Fear of monsters in the basement. Those fears that kids have. You think they come? They come from memories of being eaten by cats, almost entirely. It's thousands of years of proto-hominids being slaughtered by cats. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's why we're scared of monsters.

It just doesn't bother me, I guess. Well, it would if we were outside, Ron White. Yeah, I feel safe in here. I feel safe in here with your big frog burps. Yeah. Big frog burps. We have to have protection from the animals, folks. Don't get cocky.

People are getting cocky right now. They're getting cocky. Talking about bringing grizzly bears back. Shut your fucking dirty mouth. Do you want grizzly bears in Beverly Hills? If they're going to be fully protected and you can't do anything about it, are you going to count on the wildlife people

to be able to get the grizzly bear? Yeah. Before it eats you? I'm going to tell you right now, if that grizzly wants to fuck you, just let him fuck you. Let him fuck you. That's the best case scenario.

Don't fight back. Don't argue. Push back. Push back. Make all the right noises. Do whatever it takes. Pret. Don't fight back. Don't argue. Push back. Push back. Push back. Make all the right noises. Do whatever it takes. Pretend like you love it. You love it. Fucking love it. That's what I would do. You love living. Let that bear fuck you.

Imagine the kind of VD you get from a grizzly bear. Oh my God. You think that's what's going on out there? Yeah, I think so. Well, I think we tried to make that connection with syphilis. I don't think we did. But there was... I think someone tried to make that connection with syphilis. I don't think we did. But I think someone had told me that there was two. It was a fucking really smart guy.

I forget who it was. But someone told me that there was two different strains of syphilis, and one of them seems to have definitely come from North America. So, like, sailors came over in the 1400s with, like, the Pinta and the Santa Maria and shit. When they went back, they brought syphilis with them. Because it seems like there's a different strain of syphilis that ran through Europe during that time period. The same place where these people had just got back from North America. So they picked it up from our locals? Yeah.

And took it back with them? Well, that's what we did. We gave them horrible diseases. They gave us a few. Make fucking holes in your face. The syphilis one was a wild one that's a wild i got a lot of guys man killed a lot of people killed al capone that slow brain rotting fucking nothing you can do about it isn't it scary that the diseases like that

come from sex so weird so weird that nature is so concerned that we're going to overpopulate that it gives you diseases that you only get from sex. You have to live in fear. There's a scary one. Syphilis and AIDS. What scares you more than syphilis and AIDS? Doc, I'm not feeling so good. Syphilis or AIDS. Either one.

Oh, shit. Syphilis, I guess? I don't know. This is a fucking problem. Magic Dawson's doing okay. Man. As much shit as people talk about, like, pharmaceutical drug companies or medical science in general, I am so thankful they exist. Because if it wasn't for them, if there was no penicillin, do you know how fucked we'd be? And I know people are saying, oh, people are abusing antibiotics.

They are. They are. That's true. But isn't it great fucked we'd be? And I know people are saying, oh, people are abusing antibiotics. They are. They are. That's true. But isn't it great that we have antibiotics? Yeah. Because if it wasn't, half the fucking people would be dead. Right. Not half, but you know what it's like.

Back in the day, if you got a staph infection, that was a wrap. That was it, buddy. That's right. It's going systemic. It's taking over your blood. Yeah, and if you had breast cancer, you were done. just pure death bone breaks that's a wrap you're losing that leg yeah teeth gone done you don't eat you starve you can't keep up there's this um tribe that i was reading about i forget whose book was it uh but it was about um what happens with the older women

in this tribe it's horrible that the younger, when they realize the older women aren't keeping up anymore, they'll sneak behind them and bludgeon them over the head. What's not keeping up? They don't keep up because they're nomadic tribal people. Oh, you mean they're like lagging behind the group as it moves? Exactly. And then what happens to them? They get killed by the younger males.

So they have a fear of the young males. A natural fear of them. It's supposedly accepted in the tribe because it's understood that at a certain time, you're putting them in danger. You're putting them in danger by slowing them down. Right. It's really dark. It's really dark. It's really dark. Was it Malcolm Gladwell?

I don't remember who. Killers of the Flower Moon, I think. No, Killers of the Flower Moon was the. I know. I Googled tribe young males kill older women book, and that's what's popping up. They did that as well? It's just that book is popping up. They might have talked about it.

They might have talked about it. I didn't see that movie yet. I heard it's awesome, though. Have you seen it? Killers of the Flower Moon? No, I haven't seen it. You see it, Jamie? I didn't watch it last night. I heard it's awesome, though. Have you seen it? Killers of the Fallen? No, I haven't seen it. You see it, Jamie? I didn't watch it last night.

I just didn't. Well, Jamie, where's your report? Please. What's it on? It's really good. It's still available for rent. It'll be on something Apple or something next month. I don't know.

I think it's on iMovie right now. Yeah, it's on everything to rent and buy. It's just not available for free streaming. Oh, I see. I got money. He's got money. What are you saying? Why are you trying to save Ron Reitman? Like $3.99? Yeah. I got money. He's got money. What are you saying? Why are you trying to say Ronald Reagan?

Like $3.99? Yeah. How much is your house? Come on. $3.99? Do you want to buy it? Do you want to rent it? Rent it.

I don't have that kind of money. I'm not going to buy it. Yeah, isn't it weird they give you an option to watch it over for the rest of your life? Right. Well, sometimes they take that shit away. Do you? It's happened. Even if you buy it?

Do they refund your money? No, no. I mean like if you don't buy it. Oh, then you can't get it again. You can't get it when you want it. Ooh, that's interesting. So is that like they have long-term deals, like Apple would have a deal? But I thought I was buying stuff on iTunes, and it's just disappeared.

I mean, things I bought, you know, are just gone on iTunes. Now it says they're not available in the country that you're in. I'm like, this is the country I bought them in. Yeah, that's weird. That might be a glitch. I don't know how that works. I don't know how that works. I don't know. But I was reading something very bizarre about Google and their terms of service and what they're going to do to adjust something for a sensitive event. Did you see that?

I could send you the article, but it was one of those ones where I read it and I was like, I read like one paragraph into it. I was like, Jesus Christ, this is starting to make me angry. I don't want to read into this. I don't know where my phone is. But I wanted to ask because it's something, literally, if I go to Allman Brothers and go to I want to listen to a song, it says no longer available in the country you're in. And that's iTunes. But I can push the button and say play the Allman Brothers band and it'll play it and play it but I don't have it at my command on iTunes like I did I don't know where it

went I thought I was buying that stuff that's what I meant but I don't what apparently I wasn't buying it right I just thought I was buying it because it isn't there anymore yeah I don't know how that works they must have some different licensing deals with certain songs. Jamie, that's not it. It's something that was real recent. And they were talking about what they would do for a significant cultural event.

Let me see if I can go on. This is a new policy going into effect February 2024. It clearly defines what constitutes a, quote, sensitive event for purposes of prohibiting certain exploitative or insensitive ads and content? Yeah, that's it. Well, Google already had policies in place for ads and YouTube monetization.

This expands the restrictions to Google's publisher network as well. And so it was defined in a certain way. See if you could pull up what it actually says. Because the way it was defined, what disturbed me was that it's very blanket. A sensitive event is defined as an unforeseen or unexpected situation that poses significant risk to Google's ability to provide high-quality, relevant information while reducing insensitive content. I have a concern with that. Insensitive content in prominent and monetized features. Insensitive content is that I have a concern with that. Insensitive content in prominent and monetized features. Insensitive content.

Insensitive to who? Exactly. So open and subjective. Now, listen to this, though. Sensitive events include those with major social, cultural or political impact, such as civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crises, terrorism, conflict, or mass violence. So what they're saying is you must be sensitive if you're going to discuss civil emergencies, natural disasters, public health crises, anything with a major social, cultural, or political impact, terrorism, mass violence, you must now be sensitive.

The thing is, whatever they're trying to say, whatever they're trying to do to make the online world a nicer place, you've got to be really careful with saying things like that. Because sensitive is a weird term. If someone is violently opposed. Sensitive to who? Right. Also, what if someone is violently opposed to something that's happening? Like, think about one or many of the military conflicts around the world don't pick a side What if someone is violently opposed to these people dying and losing their lives and they're talking about it is that an?

Insensitive piece of content that can now be censored by a new policy is that what it is or is they just gonna? Demonetize it which they've kind of always done I think this was talking about people who are making ads using their platform, not people who are hosting content on their platforms. So say it again? I gotta admit, I'm a little lost on this one. So if any of the listeners out there are also a little confused, is the... No, it's about them having the ability

to censor you. So if you do the Ron White show on YouTube, which is owned by Google, if they decide that this something of whatever you're doing is in somehow or another offensive- They would want to edit it. I don't know what they're saying they can and can't do. I think it's making ads.

I don't know if it has to do with the content. Again, that's on YouTube. I think this policy content change is for people who use the Google Ads platform and create ads like this one I'm showing you right here, so that you can't abuse it. You can't monetize it. But look how it's phrased, please. Go back to the top sentence. So look at it.

Which one? It says, the updated policy provides practice including price gouging, misdirected traffic, and victim blaming during sensitive events. I'm with the first ones. Price gouging, misdirected traffic. I'm with those. But victim blaming during sensitive events, that one gets touchy. It's just using the ads though. It's like making some weird ad to pop

up to get you to click on something that's going to pop up on content that might be about that event or anything like that. I understand. But victim blaming, the thing about victim blaming is you can do it both ways, right? Like victim blaming, like with Hamas and Palestine and Israel, you could go, you could victim blame on both sides you could say the Israelis were doing this and that's why Hamas had to attack and you say Hamas attacked and that's why these really just doing this and you fucking people should have known better and you fucking people should have no better that's victim blaming sure you gotta let people talk yeah and if talking looks like victim blaming

until people work it out Then why not you can't just stop people from talking. So what are we saying? Are we saying that it's just they can't monetize that well then what happens is if you're not Monetizing stuff you let people know that unless they self censor. It's gonna cost them financially even if the ads like like say if the So even if the ads, like, say if it represents a company that is actually interested in this discussion and wants to know, like, what is the right, what's the right perspective on this? Who's most informed? Who's looking at this the most correctly? If you're a company and you're, why wouldn't you want to advertise on something where people are just talking about what may or may not be happening in the world?

And if you're going to do that on YouTube, then you have to worry about you're losing your ability to make a living now it's like oh is that what happens i don't know i don't know i mean is this this is just a blanket policy in in case of the most egregious offenses that all people agree are terrible and should probably not be okay. But then who gets to decide that? What happened to the frogs eating the mouths and shit like that? Ron White, this is the future of people being able to talk shit. That's what it is.

No, I believe that, you know. It's kind of the future of people being able to talk shit because this is how it goes away. Right. It goes away through stuff like that. Sure. It goes away through people deciding that something's insensitive, which is like 98% jokes right yeah you don't want to come to my you don't want to come to my show that's what i'm saying here's their examples they give okay here's some examples all right violations this okay what is examples on exhaustive ads that claim victims of oh ads that claim victims of sensitive event responsible for their own tragedy or similar instances of victimhood

Okay ads, so it's just about ads as at least for now It is you know maybe they could switch it and be like now all content But well that's completely reasonable if it's just about ads that's completely reasonable right yeah I guess you should want to be able to control how fucked up the ads are. Because that's kind of, well, is it? It's just that. You can still use other parts of the internet that can still do that. But you can't use propaganda.

You can't lie. You can't use Google ads, which is the biggest part of the internet advertising world. Right. They shut you out. Do it somewhere else is all they're saying. Right. That seems reasonable. Yeah, that's pretty reasonable.

As long as they're not doing that with the actual content of the The podcast because I do know that they demonetize they demonetize people all the time if you talk about certain subjects It's it's always been a problem And they don't do that to you they used to do it Yeah, they used to do it up until the time when we switched over to Spotify This is specifically under advertising policy. Yeah Do it to anybody or no no they do So now they don't do it to anybody? No, no.

They do it to other people. They do it to other people all the time. They stopped doing it to us for like three months where they didn't give us any dings. We're doing the same show.

Right. I don't know any other way to do this. You've got to sit down and talk shit. It's the only way to do it. Right. If I change that

for somebody that's going to censor something or I'm going to lose money, what are you talking about? I can't change what I do. No, no. I have zero interest in doing that. Yeah.

You know, and if I don't think it's offensive, then that's it. That's the end of the conversation. And I think you're pretty sensitive. Yeah, I'm sensitive. I try to be sensitive about these kind of things. It's just you got to let people talk. And just because people disagree with you, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. Did you see that clip? The way he was phrasing it was actually kind of funny

he was talking about white frailty or white anxiety that it's a public health crisis that white people who vote republican it's just like an opioid epidemic this guy was comparing the two. Here, I'm going to play. I'm going to send this to you, Jamie. I don't know where this is. I don't know where he said this. I just saw it on Twitter. And I'm like, man, you got to get out of the house. You got to go hang out with some different folks. They don't have an opioid epidemic. There's a lot of people that are the conservative people that are like really clear thinking people. Absolutely. They think this is a mess

and they want things to change. They want the rule of law put back into place. It doesn't mean they're on opiates. This is so crazy to say that everybody who doesn't agree with you is on drugs. Well, you know, and that gets fired back on both sides. Because now you're in a stupid war. You're stupid. No, you know, and that gets fired back on both sides. Because now you're in a stupid war.

You're stupid. No, you're stupid. You people are on drugs. Who brought back name-calling? Was it? I don't know. If you had been taught equality from the beginning, you wouldn't be flipping out. But that's how hegemonic dominance works.

And so I think that's why it happens. And we have to be willing to talk about that because it's really unhealthy. This white anxiety is a public health crisis in that regard, and that's why not only were we talking in the other room a minute ago before we came in here, that it's not just the opioid crisis that we think about with folks killing themselves disproportionately, increasingly white working-class folks who are using heroin or using over-the-counter opioids, but they're political opioids. Turning to a candidate who says, you vote for me and I will take away your pain. I will bring back those jobs.

I will make your life better. That's a form of an opiate as well. So we got to be honest about the dysfunctionality and the real danger of the front lash, backlash, whatever we want to call it, even for the people who are, are you know thinking they're going to benefit from it yeah what you see right there is a wild instance of someone that's used to being around like a certain type of people that think a certain type of way right and think it's okay to say it out loud everyone's gonna go along with this bigger forum and you put that out there to the world and the whole world is like what the fuck are you talking about what are you talking about they're not on opioids what are you saying someone is gonna why are you dressed like that

you shouldn't even have an opinion that doesn't bother me at all it does he's dressed like ed i mean would dress in a casual uh setting let me see it again i didn't even think about how he's dressed i just thought about what he was saying. That he just dressed like a regular guy. It's paramilitary. No. Yeah, it is. It is. It looks like a Gaddafi.

No. That guy doesn't look paramilitary at all. Ron White. Maybe I saw it in his eyes. I don't know. No. Well, it's kind of a fascist perspective. Very, very Fidel Castro.

Come on. No. It's just a shirt with two buckets. Be No, it's just a shirt with two buckets. Beard. It's just a shirt with two buckets. The guy's up to no good. Looks like the guy's got some suits on. Why not wear a suit?

He's probably a casual guy. Casual guy. Tuned into the younger people. Casual Friday. That's a crazy thing to say. And it's also, it's not a nuanced perspective on the whole race issue in this country, in this world. It's a silly thing to do to say that all people that are Republicans, that are these white people, are like on opioids and they want someone to rescue them. It's so silly.

It's so stupid to lump them all into white people, first of all, because there's a lot of people that are Republican that aren't white. There's a shit ton of them, man. Go down to Miami. Those Cubans are all Republican. Right. They're all Republican. There's so many Republicans down there. It's a silly thing to say.

And it's also a silly thing to say that the people that oppose you politically are just wrong, so wrong, that they're looking for a drug to rescue them. Like someone who comes along and says that they can do a better job is offering you heroin i think both uh both sides have a really difficult time understanding the perspective perspective of the other yep you know there's just a big swing and a miss and you could butt heads all day and nothing budges yep and uh you know i know it's real smart wealthy guys that disagree with me 100 percent. And so when we're around each other, guess what we don't do? Talk about it.

Because there's so much more. There's so many connections that we do have. Yeah. You know, why let that political thing get in the way of friendship? Because it sure can if you let it, you know. Here's the problem. This is the number one problem. People attach themselves to their ideas, and they attach themselves to a party that their ideas most likely have been adopted from.

Most people's opinions politically are a conglomeration of a group of people's opinions they've adopted, whether it's right-wing people, extreme right-wing. I mean, I'm saying most. What is it, 60%? How many independent thinkers? Environmental productivity. There's a lot of people that are not independent thinkers my point everybody almost most people right so when you get connected ideologically very personally to a group of opinions and then someone opposes that group of opinions they're attacking you they're attacking you take it very personally and people are deceptive about the way they phrase things

in order to try to win, and it's entirely because their self-worth is connected to this verbal jousting that they're doing, which is both productive and unproductive at the same time because it lets you find out things are bullshit. I think it's fruitless. But it does allow you sometimes to find out if things are bullshit. But on the other hand, it's not smart.

It's not a smart way to communicate because most people are in the middle on everything. Most people just want the world to be a safer place. You want your kids to go to nice schools. You want your neighborhood to be safe. You want people to make money. You want the economy to do well. You don't want any war. Yay.

That's the most important shit. And we want it to be balanced and we want it to work. Right. For as many people as possible. Leave me the fuck alone. Don't tell me what to do. That's that's the most important shit and we want to be balanced and we want it to work right, you know For as many people as possible leave me the fuck alone. Don't tell me what to do You know have laws in place to keep people from getting fucked over but take your fucking hands-off approach But as soon as what people don't understand is as soon as you start Developing all these different areas of business and of life that have to be adjusted. You have to be adjusted. And that's like putting DEI initiatives and doing these different things where you're not going to hire the most qualified people. You're going to hire people. You want to hire a certain percentage

of people from this part of the world and a certain percentage of people from that. It's like even if you think you are doing better for the world, what you don't recognize is that this is a pattern of control. And this pattern of control that can be used to manipulate people to thinking they're doing something good socially, which they may very well be. What it really does is allows control of businesses in a new way that can be manipulated to get you to do certain things and get you to allow certain legislation to get passed that has the government have much more control over what you do or what you say and how much money they get and money for programs. And you're locked into a system now. And if you want to be a good person, you have to follow this pattern. That's where things get squirrelyly and so as soon as people start telling people how they can and can't talk this book's got to be gone you can't say that you can't teach this as soon as that happens and the government steps in we're fucked we're fucked

because if they step in they're not going to do it for what's in your best interest they're going to do it in whatever way makes them the most money or cost them the least. Well, you know, something's got to keep this herd going in the right direction, you know. I think it's mushrooms. Let's just go back to that answer. One day. One day. One day. Mushroom off for the whole world.

Oh, yeah. Well, eventually that organism will just take over everything. It really grows well, and it'll just get in your shoes, and it'll balance everything out. Everything will make sense. Yeah. You know what'll happen? It'll get airborne. The spores will get airborne.

It'll fix every problem we've ever had. That's what we need. That's what we need. Ari Shaffir created Shroomfest, and if he was more ambitious, that would be the number one festival in the world. If he was more ambitious, I would have heard of it of it for sure it's just an unofficial thing i'm joking around i'm all for it july of every year this place is now where you can go it's actually legal especially colorado right is i believe colorado decriminalized it and i think portland essentially decriminalized almost everything yeah i think uh or is it oregon in total decriminalized almost everything. Yeah. I think, is it Oregon in total decriminalized almost everything,

or is it just Portland? I think the gloves are off in Portland. You can do whatever you want to. You can do whatever you want there. Yeah. Beautiful town. Some lady who is either running for office, or she's Oregon's first in nation law,

decriminalized possession of small amounts of heroin, cocaine, and other illicit drugs in favor of an emphasis on addiction treatment is facing strong headwinds in the progressive state after an explosion of public drug use fueled by the proliferation of fentanyl. Oh, my God. They flooded the streets. Yeah. Yeah.

It's got to be legal and free that's that's the only answer it's got to be completely legal and it's got to be no cost to you and that's the only thing that's going to make it less profitable which is what drives the whole thing anyway you got to give it away you got to do what the japanese did to us with television sets, flood the fucking market, choke them out. That's what you got to do. You want to die over it. I hair went over to fucking go.

You go, buddy. We're, we got too many of us. Anyway, fucking take you make the decision. Not a lot of people make the decision to fucking do it. I'm going to run for president.

I'm not, I'm not. And listen, once you become a pastor, people believe you more, right? I know, I know,

I know. I know I could do it. That's what I'm saying, Ron. Start pastor. I got pastor hair. Goddamn spring chicken compared to Biden. We can trot you out in a couple of years of like fine polishing. Right. So we start the Christian church. Start the church.

Get it all sorted out. We haven't decided Christian. We just said we're going to hook to a big, I think Scientology. That's what I was going to say. Ron? Get him involved. Look, I'm down with your craziness. Just let's be friends. You grab my back, I'll grab yours. And that's the way it really works.

Comedic Tom Cruise. I can hang in there for you. I can say, listen. We're going to need celebrities, that's for sure. I know it sounds crazy on paper. Because everybody believes it. But once you experience it and you realize that thehaetons are real. Have you ever seen the South Park animation of what Scientologists believe? Yeah, I think I have.

You know, those guys just crank me up. They're amazing. Nobody makes me laugh like those guys. They're the tip of the spear in the culture war. South Park is the tip of the spear in the culture war. They go after everybody forever and they can get away with it because it's a cartoon. And it's a super unrealistic looking cartoon right grandfathered yeah there's no way you could ever think it was real and they're genius and the characters never get old that's the most amazing

thing best i watch it all the time you when you have a cartoon it doesn't even look remotely real that character could be that forever there's no timeline no timeline. They're in school for the rest of their fucking lives. That's the only constant in my life is South Park. I can get 24 hours a day and Fear Factor. Fear Factor comes on my television. Every time I turn it on, it automatically goes straight to Fear Factor. And you have to turn it off before something happens that you go, oh, God. That's hilarious.

And I don't know why. It's a deal they made with Samsung on these TVs. But that's what it goes to. And no matter what you were watching before, whenever you turn it off, turn it back on, Fear Factor. Yeah, I got a Samsung TV in the gym. And when I turn it on, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen every time. It's always Hell's Kitchen.

I wonder why mine's... I don't know. Maybe it's like if you set it on a channel at one point in time, it just goes back to Hell's Kitchen every time. It's always Hell's Kitchen. I wonder why mine's fucking... I don't know. Maybe it's like if you set it on a channel at one point in time, it just goes back to that channel. Maybe that's what it is. I don't know, but I'm on the Hell's Kitchen channel where Hell's Kitchen plays 24 hours a day

on my Samsung TV as soon as I turn it on. Before I go to ESPN Plus, it goes right to Hell's Kitchen. No, that's what mine does, but it does it with fucking Fear Factor. I would have such a terrible opinion. I'd just sit around thinking, oh, those girls were pretty hot. But, I mean, it's the Fear Factor.

Do you jerk off while you're watching Fear Factor? I don't. I don't. Don't be involved. Not every time. I don't want to be involved. Not every time. Something else had to have happened, and then Fear Factor just got in the way.

Gordon Ramsay, if I didn't know any better, I think he's the meanest guy on earth. Because every time I turn on the TV, he's yelling at somebody. Right. Every time. Every time. He's fucking screaming and yelling at people. Because that's the shtick. Like, you could develop a very bad perception.

But he's not like that in real life. Do you know him in real life? I don't know. Can't be. Someone would beat the fuck out of him by now. Right. I think people have. I think he's a prick.

I think, you know, I think that's the word on the street. What's the word on the street? He's a prick. Kind of a prick. I think to be great. I've never met him either. The guy could be the nicest guy, like a plate of butter. I bet he's a nice guy.

Yeah. He's a great chef. Great chefs are wild people. Yeah. People that create great food. They're like great musicians or great comics. They're wild right a different kind of person it is an art i didn't really appreciate that until i met bourdain when i started talking to him especially when after i watched his show i think that's when i first realized it was like oh this is an art form i

was just to think of it as just good food that you know that was a guy just i always thought i would be his friend someday you would have been his that you know that was a guy just i always thought i would be his friend someday you would have been his friend you know i just always thought the guy that you know i could watch that guy he just seemed so so honest and genuine he just bought you into his life you know and you follow him that was great i didn't i wish i could have set that up i wish i could have set that up. I wish I could have got you guys together. He's a great guy. Well, it's too late now, Joe. Yeah, man. Do you know how I found out?

Maynard from Tool texted me. And he goes, I guess the celebrity jiu-jitsu match is off. And I was like, what? Because he used to joke around about having a celebrity jiu-jitsu. Maynard's really good. Excuse me. By the way, Maynard just got his black belt, so congratulations. Maynard Keenan from Tool.

He's a legitimate black belt. Oh. Yeah, like really good at Jiu Jitsu. I watched him train in here with John Donahue. Before we did a podcast, he trained right next door at the gym. But, you know, he's like a really legitimate Jiu Jitsu guy. There it is. That's him.

Oh, wow. So, Ron White, that's your next move jujitsu jujitsu or two you ron white jujitsu i want a band you want a band do you no i don't want a band no you know what i want to do uh i want to besides the religion can i ask you did you ever do the uh the show in la the grand bam comedy jam what it is what is it how goddamn goddamn comedy jam yeah josh ademeyer show yeah would you sing uh give me three steps it was great you know that had that electric violinist doing lead guitar stuff and it was fun as shit and and uh i think bill burr was that night playing drums. Bill is a really good drummer. Yeah, I was fucking shocked. Bill Burr is a really dedicated drummer.

And I got to tell you, I killed it. Nice. I practiced it. At the time, I was with a singer, so she helped me get the beats on it. Don't get outside of that, because you can't get outside of that. You got to sing it under this. So I thought, you know. Nice.

Nice. I impressed the chicks, I think, that night. Fuck yeah, you did. That's a great song, too. Any Skinner song. That's a wild band, too, right? Think about those dirty white dudes from Florida. Yeah, I saw them on the concert when I was a kid.

In fact, I think it's the same place that Olsteen preaches at now. Really? It was, what was it, the Houston, I can't even remember the name of it. Something Dome or something.

Coliseum. Where's he at? I can't think of the name of it. Isn't that wild you bought that for Jesus? What a giant, how many seats is that? Right where I saw Skinner.

It's like 16,000. 16,000 for Jesus. But I don't know. 12 million. Joel Osteen. Houston's Compact Center. Yeah. Wow.

No, this was another step. Whoa, the church spent 90 million to renovate it. They spent 90 on it. They got it for 12 and they spent 90. How dope is it? No wonder why they didn't want they didn't let them in 90 million dollars no way and he literally said something about they had just look at this and these people that's why and you know he basically preaches it's okay to be uh it's okay to be rich and these people in that that thing, they're like, that's what I want to hear. I want to hear it's okay for me to have my hunk of the pie, and I don't have to feel

guilty for it, and by God, I'm white, and I don't, you know, not that they're all white, but... What are you saying, Ron? I'm just saying that my religion is going to be different. What are you going to do? Are you going to be poor? I'm not. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

No, no, no, no, no, no. If you could be the guy with 90 cars but still be delivering the real shit, that's the thing. Yeah. I don't have 90 cars. You don't need 90 cars. I got three cars. 90 cars is like 90 cars you have to keep fixed, keep changing oil. Pay insurance on them.

What are you doing? That's too many. That's too many. That's too many Rolls Royces. But if you're just going to be some high baller guru type character that really is connected to the God force of the universe, that guy used to- You should have it all. He used to give people orgasms by touching their foreheads. Look at there.

Didn't he give people orgasms by touching their temples and shit? He could do some wild stuff. If somebody could do that to me, I would follow him anywhere. I think he could do it. If you could fucking, I don't care who it was. Well, that was the guy. If that frog could do it, I would follow that frog. The cult that you made me buy the building, that guy did that to people.

He gave them orgasms. He did? Yeah, yeah. The guy was, he's a hypnotist it's a great documentary it's called holy hell people yeah he hypnotized him and then uh he changed his name his name was uh jaime gomez but that was like nobody's gonna go for that sounds like a boxer on an undercard of a canelo fight right so he changed his name to Michelle.

And then he changed it again when he moved to Texas. He moved to Texas because the Cult Awareness Network was locking on to him. They were already on his ass. They were on his ass. And after Waco, they were cracking down. Like, eee, fuck, enough of this shit. After Waco, they were like, this is crazy. These people have guns.

They're just fucking everybody's wives. And they're stockpiling food and preparing for a war, christian war and shooting at cops yeah nothing scarier than that crowd that's scary when you get that apocalyptic preacher guy's willing lying there with a bullet singing a song for everybody he really believes and that's a death call that's he wants to go down in a blaze of glory he wants to be martyred that's the scariest there's a scariness to that for sure that's a weird thing huh so many people go down that road of either starting one or believing in one it's like a natural inclination that people have to just follow you know all you have to do is look at what jim jones was able to pull off and there are people complete complete complete control of all those people

to the point where they kill themselves i thought that was the case i think some of the people were forced into it now now now that uh i read into it more it seems like some of them they were forced they weren't forced to go to jonestown no but they may have been forced to die i used to think they all just died on purpose but now i think a bunch of them were forced into doing it um you know there's probably when when there's a mass death, there's probably going to be a few reluctant people. Yeah, right at the end going, yeah, I didn't know you were serious. But this dude, when the Cult Awareness Network was after him,

he moves to Austin and then has his followers build him that theater so he could dance in front of them. The videos online. I know that. The videos are incredible. He's a really good dancer. Better than me. He's really good.

He's beautiful, too. This one in his row. Yeah, good-looking guy until later when he had all the surgeries done. That's when he got weird. He started getting old. Yeah, you gotta- Couldn't deal with it.

You gotta let age come, man. Well, are you a guru or are you a dude who's hypnotizing people and butt-fucking them? Right. Well, this is how we find out. What happens when you age Right which is legal

He was doing everything above ground I don't know if he had to pay taxes like that's the question were they an established religion Because the only person that I know of that it's actually I know people have done it But the only person I personally know of is Alex gray the visionary artist from New York. Do you know who he is no he? of is Alex Gray, the visionary artist from New York. Do you know who he is? No. He actually put together a real church.

It's a church of his art. Is it the, what is he called? The Chapel of Sacred Mirrors? What does he call it again? Is that it? So he has this insane art structure that's in the woods in upstate New York. And Alex, I know you've seen Alex Gray's work before. I'm sure. it's all visionary

psychedelic dmt type things like that like this is his work show his building jamie because the bill no and i'm saying the outside of the building because the outside of the building like the front doors are all 3d printed works of his art. That's the inside. It's fucking incredible looking. That's what it looks like. That's what it looks like on the outside of it. I mean, this is the CGI. But it does look like that now, right? This is a picture of that with that thing on top.

Right. You see, I think there's some other perspectives. Maybe there's some other photos that'll show different. There it is. Oh, no, this is the bullshit version version too it's just with the front of their website i think there is some imagery somewhere of the front but whatever it is like this guy has a legit church so he has actually gone through all the steps to create a church they worship him no no no no no no no. They just worship his art?

I would be speaking out of turn if I said what they worship. I think it's more of the psychedelic experience in its most pure and loving form. If I had to, like, boil it down to what they believe in, that's what Alex Gray believes in. And all of his art, this is all like these sacred tryptamine type images. I mean, he's like the only guy that I've ever seen that captures like certain aspects. You know this guy?

Yeah. Yeah. He's been on the podcast before. He's really cool. No shit. Yeah. Really cool guy. And his wife is really cool too.

She's been on here as well. And like, look at all of his work. It's like, it's amazing stuff, but he's got a real church. This is the only guy that I know that's actually made a real church. I'm like, oh, I believe him.

I believe him. That's not a guy who's trying to Joel Olsteen in. He's not trying to buy 98 Bentleys. That's really who he is. He's just a real fascinating artist. There's a bunch of people that have Alex Gray tattoos. It's probably one of the most common. The gray haired guy?

Yeah, the gray haired guy with the ponytail. Yeah. Sweetheart of a guy. Wow. So that's an example of like- What's his tax status down there at the church of art? It's a good question. I think he got it through.

I think it's a legitimate church. Nonprofit organization formed in 1996 to create a permanent public exhibition of the sacred mirrors. But I think they got a a tax-exempt status. Yeah. No, established in 2008 as an interfaith church. Wow. Yeah.

So from 2008, I guess, they established it as an actual church. Don't you have to have a doctrine that says what you... Well, here it is. I'm sure they do. I just don't know what it is. Provides unique creative events and workshops in a spiritual context. Like, what is their, what is it? Do they say what they believe?

I'm on their vision page. Right. What is it? Okay. Scroll down. What are we? Scroll above that so I can read the text. I mean, I would join just so I can hang out there.

It's a place of contemplation and worship for community honoring the practice of art as a spiritual path. Wow. Cosm's site and structure provides a living bottle of the ideals expressed through the inspiring artwork of the collection and the exhibitions, the writings of the founders and invited contributors. So they just take cool artists and their art and they show it to people and their spirituality is based on creativity. Ah. And it's amazing art, man. their spirituality is based on creativity. Ah. And it's amazing art, man. His stuff is fantastic. And where is it?

New York, somewhere in New York. Like New York State. Wappinger, Wappinger, New York. Oh. Yeah. I think I'm in Syracuse. I wonder if it's anywhere near that. Just go there. Maybe he's got a course, how to start a cult.

I got a bus. Yeah, just go down there and go, look, I want to start my own thing. You know, Chapel of Sacred He-He's and Ha-Ha's. He may have classes. Isn't comedy kind of a form of religion in some way? It is for us, Joe. It is. It is.

You know, you find, I mean, just making people laugh is a good thing to do. It's a great thing to do. It is. It's fun. And I can't tell you how grateful people are, you know, that just how hard we make them laugh. You know, it's just so much fun to do. If you can even remember. Yeah.

To be somebody that wasn't a comedian watching a comedy show and how hard you can laugh, you know, at that experience. comedy show and how hard you can laugh at you know at that experience when you know just jar i remember i saw seinfeld one time and uh in a comedy club you know and he had full-blown chops and it was all never heard it before he beat me to death i mean to death at the uh whatever the improv in dallas texas and uh I had a table right off. It was my birthday. I'd only been doing stand-up for about six months. I wasn't in the show. I just gave him the chair.

He was making $25,000 for the week. And we were like, no fucking way! Nobody makes that much money in the world. Yeah, doing stand-up at a club. And this is the 90s, right? What year is that? It would have been 86. 86. stand up at a club and this is the 90s right what year is that 86 86 i saw seinfeld for the first time in 88 before i did stand up like right before i did stand up i was probably maybe 87

i was at the paradise which was a comedy club in uh it was like a it was a big place that was connected to stitches so stitches was the comedy club, and that was small. I think it would seat about 150 or so. And then the Paradise, which is next door, was bigger. But it only sat like maybe 500 people. I'm just guessing, 400 or 500 people. And so Seinfeld was there. And I took him with this girl that I was dating and just fucking cried.

Couldn't believe how smooth he was. Yeah. So smooth. It was so so fun to see back then you know he was doing yeah all those sets you know all those sets every night he's the one that said you know a comic should be on stage I heard him say it yeah every single day and uh and that you know yeah he's got a crazy work that's the reason I tried to stay on stage every single day was because what what Seinfeld said.

Yeah. There's something to that, for sure. But I remember back then, like, thinking about doing stand-up, like, oh, my God, I could never do this. And then going to an open mic and going, oh, I could do this. Like, the difference between, like, watching crazy people bomb. You're like, oh. Richard Jenney said it best. He said terrible comedy gives people inspiration to try comedy.

That's the purpose it serves. Right. I can for sure do that. He was a guy I got to see live quite a few times. But I got to see him before. Maybe I had just done an open mic or two, but I was sitting front row at Catch a Rising Star in Cambridge. And he was doing The Weekend there. God damn, he was good.

There was nobody better than him, I don't think, at his peak. It was just so much power. So much writing. So smooth. And so many tags. And just a consummate professional. Consummate professional. He was just a joke writing machine.

He could take any premise. Any premise and turn it into a closing bit. Right. It's crazy. That's what it was like. It was like watching somebody that had nothing but closing bits. That's how hard you laughed at this show. I've told this before, but I'll tell it again just because it's so crazy.

Eastside Comedy Club in Long Island. I went there at the – I don't know if I was there on Sunday or – I was there after Jenny's shows were done. So when I got there, the fucking host was depressed. And we were all talking like what's the matter he goes Jenny did a different hour every show he goes he did two different hours on Friday and then two different hours on Saturday and he fucking killed and the guy was like I want to quit comedy like what am I doing the fuck am I doing this guy just did four different hours and murdered

that's crazy crazy I should. You watch something like that, I mean, he was like, people just forgot. That's one of those ones. I know Chris Rock gives it up to him a lot. Some people, you know, they inspire people to quit. Well, he definitely would raise the bar.

He definitely would raise the bar. I saw him kill at the Comedy Works in Montreal. Remember that little room, that little tiny room upstairs? Oh, yeah. I saw him kill at the Comedy Works in Montreal. Remember that little room, that little tiny room upstairs? Oh, yeah. I saw him kill up there talking about buying a Corvette. How do you make that funny? How do you make buying a Corvette funny? I have no idea.

It was hilarious. He was murdering. He was a murderer. He could do anything, any subject. He could find it. He'd find the angle. Yeah. I remember the one thing he did. He was a murderer. He could do anything, any subject. He could find it. He'd find the angle. Yeah.

I remember the one thing he did. It was just about a look in his eye that whenever he – all he did was move his eyeball. And he would show you how far he moved his eyeball, and that's how the fight started with his wife. But it was just real insightful. And it was so subtle that it was just so expertly fucking done that it just killed me. Yeah, he's one of the greats, man. It just fucking killed me. Yeah, he was one of the greats. I've got to write something down before I forget.

Yeah. It's just so interesting to think about the guys that inspired you when you first started doing stand-up. You know, when you first started, like like what that was like to see someone who was really good at this thing that was just like it was just a weird foggy dream and the first couple times you go on stage like how does anyone ever really become a professional and then you watch a master go up and murder right holy shit and then you realize he's nobody yeah that they're yeah they're guys that make him look like a you know like he doesn't know what he's nobody. Yeah. You know, that there are guys that make him look like a, you know, like he doesn't know what he's doing. Yeah.

But, you know, you kind of have a realm of comedy of what you can see. And in Boston, that would have been a much bigger glimpse than you would get in Arlington, Texas. Oh, yeah. You know, you got whatever headliners came through the funny bone chain. And they were all great. You know, you got whatever headladders came through the funny bone chain. And they were all great. You know, they all killed everybody. And nobody really went on to do tremendous businesses like Foxworthy and me and Dan and the Blue Collar Boys. There wasn't a lot of guys.

Well, you guys opened the door for a lot of new guys that came after you, though. A lot of guys were inspired by that for sure. I hope so. But it's like you need a community. And Boston had a crazy community. They had a community of assassins that were local guys. And then new people were coming in every week that were like big national headliners. So you'd have all these murderous local guys.

And then Dom Herrera would fly in for a weekend. Bill Hicks would fly in for a weekend. You know, Bill Hicks would fly in for a weekend. They had all the like road killers. Like whenever a big national act was killing it on the road, they would stop at Nick's Comedy Stop and we'd all watch them. So they had the whole thing. It was like a perfect training ground for learning how to do stand up. Yeah, they never gave a fuck about me in Boston until I got bigger.

Yeah, but that's always how it is. There was too many people there. Yeah, that's right. They had guys. It was like Denver. Denver never gave a fuck about me, but I would look at their list of headliners and go, you know, we got Louie Anderson. They got all these big name fucking comics, and I wasn't a big name fucking comic, and

I didn't belong on that list. Yeah, it is what it is. But you have to have a scene like that. You know, that's where, that's where like talent emerges from. And that's, what's been really fucking cool about being able to do that here is that to take this place that had a scene, there was an Austin comedy scenes. The reason why I came here is there was already a club here. It went under during the pandemic, but it still existed.

And it was always a fun place to work. And then to have all of that you were here first so you were the one before i the pandemic even hit you were already here yeah and you were telling me i fucking love it i was like damn it fran white loves it's got to be something to it right and you were like i'm reasonable i fucking love it i fucking love it not too big not too small everybody's cool like god it. And I had already thought about it before because of Onnit, you know, because the business is here. And I'd have to come down to do stuff occasionally anyway. And I was always coming down to do stand-up anyway.

And I always loved being down here. But it wasn't until the pandemic. And it wasn't until you getting on stage. That one time when you get on stage and you hadn't got on stage in fucking forever and you grab me by the shoulder. You grab me. You go, we are going to fucking do this. Whatever it takes. You're going to open up that club.

Right. I meant it, too. I know you did. And still do to this fucking day. I'm behind that 100%. My effort and I talk about that club on the road and my shows and just how much it means to me and it means to me and how cool it is it means to me too it means to me because you're there too it's it's everybody together in this is a really exciting camaraderie it's a it's a great tribe and uh and fun and we're that's we're blessed to have it yeah it's very cool very cool but you saying

that to me that day i mean i was gonna do it anyway for sure but that was an extra fucking turbo gear that was an extra kick in the pants i was like let's go i made some extra phone calls try to close it up figure out what the problem was it was just we had a big adjustment for moving from the old place to the new place that was a big pain in the ass because we had spent a considerable amount of time and effort you know architects were involved and drawing up plans and people had gone to look at it and then and when it all fell through they're like fuck we got to start from scratch yeah but and everybody blamed me ah well people didn't believe it that's what was funny but that's also

makes it more fun when it does open because people like he's never gonna do it like okay just sit back yeah right i've got some crazy plans if i hear you say you're gonna do something i just how long is that gonna be it's gonna happen quick yeah he just i would have happened it would have happened quick we would have had this place open probably inside of a year it was perfect the way it did happen a lot of anticipation from all of us. It made us all nervous. The fact that even with all that anticipation, it still gets an A. Right. It still gets an A. It sure does.

I know it's my place, but shut the fuck up. Yeah. That place is perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. The place is perfect. We made it perfect. And we got lucky that we got the right people and the right architect. Shout out to Richard.

The people that put it together did an amazing job. And it's also like the vibe there is so strong. It's very fun. It's real positive. Well, you know, we all feel like it's ours, even though you pay all the bills and shit. Well, it pays the bills now. And, you know, people don't know that 80% of the door goes to the comics. And so there's also no opportunity for a comic to make money that kind of money in a local gig at home anywhere on the fucking planet earth that

opportunity does not exist well it's not i would never do it if i was going to do it for money i would never do it that way that's crazy right it wouldn't make any sense you're making less money yeah i decided to get in the comedy club business oh wow i didn't get in the comedy club business. Oh, wow. I didn't get in the comedy club business. I got in the business of making comedy and having a place for comedians. My idea was set up the ideal spot. And what's the ideal spot? Well, the ideal spot was that the comedians would get the bulk of the money because the comedians are doing all of the work. They're the ones that have to come up with the jokes.

If we don't have the comedians, we're just selling drinks. Right. Like, this is nonsense. So, like, it's obvious, like, what people are there for. I knew that when I started getting a percentage of the door. Right. I knew how it works.

But, like, that should be that way regardless. Like, that's the real relationship. You're selling what we do. Right. You shouldn't be getting 80% of the money. 80% of the money should be going to the comedians the comedian that's crazy there's so much money from booze you sell money and alcohol you sell money and there's still money you can tell the guy that owns the place doesn't give a shit about him turning a profit my idea is just don't don't

lose money speak even you know i'm uh i'm a on a board you know it's great that's how it should be and it's it and if you do it that way then it's really like deeply and there's a commitment to this idea like we're all committed to this idea just making the most fun possible the most comedy possible do our best have a great community have a great tribe have a great vibe we're all feeding off each other and talking shit to each other and having a good old time in the back. And then it fuels us to go on stage. We're watching each other from the balcony. It's exciting. It's very exciting. It's fun. It's the

funnest thing ever. I'm very happy you're a part of it, my brother. Hey, brother. Thank you. Thank you. It's great. I love being part of the fucking team. I love having you here, man. I love everybody. In fact, I'm going to headline the room Tuesday night, I think. The 10 o'clock show. Beautiful. Are you doing the 7 o'clock show? Yeah, I'm going to headline the room Tuesday night, I think,

the 10 o'clock show. Beautiful. Are you doing the 7 o'clock show? Yeah, I'm doing the 7 o'clock show. I'll come do it. Okay, beautiful.

All right, man. I'll see you on Tuesday. All right, love you, man. Love you, too. Bye, everybody. Bye.