The Joe Rogan Experience - #2089 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: January 20, 2024

Joey Diaz is a stand-up comic, writer, and author. He's the host of the podcast "Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz," co-host of "The Check-In" with Lee Syatt, and author of "Tremendous: The Life of a Comedy Savage." www.joeydiaz.net

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night! All day! I didn't bring no motherfuckin' glasses, though. Oh, do you need some? Yeah. I have some.

Just in case, if you're gonna show me something interesting. Yeah. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. So I started doing this red light bed. I started doing two things to help my eyes. One, I started taking pure encapsulations. They have this, what is it called, macro support?

What is it called? Anyway, it's a bunch of supplements that they put together to stop your eyesight from going bad. And it's legit. Macular support? Macular support. That's it. You like it? Oh, legit.

It stopped whatever the deterioration that I was experiencing where my eyesight was starting to go. It stopped. Just stopped it. And it made it a little bit better. And then i started doing this red light bed so i had this guy gary brekker on the podcast he's explained to me how red light um revitalizes your capillaries and helps your vision come back and so i've been doing that now for about six weeks and i've noticed an improvement like i don't need reading

glasses as much if i'm reading things on my phone. I can read some things that I just was not going to be able to read. And more importantly, it's not getting worse. Because, like, it was like kind of every six months, eight months or so, I'd notice, God, my eyes are worse. Like, this is terrible. Like, after, like, 46, it seemed like. Somewhere around 46, it was like it dropped off a cliff.

And you did the right thing because you didn't submit to these. My mistake was to submit to these when I was like 43, 44. By 44, I could see I was having problems already. And I submitted to these. And this is worse for you. That's why I used to tell you. Glasses. Don't put the glasses on.

Hold on. Yeah. Make your eyes muscle, that thing. It's like when you wear fucking hearing aids. Like your hearing gets lost. Well, they say with vision, like the problem is we're looking at things that are real close up all the time. And your eyes are supposed to do a bunch of different things. They're supposed to look at stuff in the distance, supposed to look at things up close.

And if you don't look at things in the distance all the time, you lose that ability. Well, I'm going to be as honest as I can with you. I'm not trying to be cute here. Okay. I lost my eyesight when I stopped doing coke because when I was doing coke, my eyesight was on point, John. I could see a light from fucking two miles away. That light's green.

We got to make it. Once I stopped doing coke, my eyesight went right into the fucking shit. So when I was snorting, I had 20-20 vision. I could see coke rocks in the carpet and shit. Now I can't see shit if there's a coke rock on the fucking floor. So I guess it's blood flow. If you think about it, blood flow to the brain.

I mean, doesn't coke give you, like, a crazy amount of blood flow to your brain? I mean, it must. It's a stimulant, right? I have no idea. I have no idea where the blood goes. Joey, thank God I never got into that. No. Thank God I never got into that. And. Thank God I never got into that.

And especially now. Like, now I see these people that are snorting anything. Yeah. To snort anything today, you got to be fucking crazy. Yeah, you could die. Heroin, these people who put the fucking test. Like, if you go to a bar in New York, they have tests. Yeah.

They check the fentanyl. Are you fucking kidding me? You have to if you don't want to die. Once you test cocaine, it's time to do something different. If you're going to test your coke, it's time to do something different. You got to fucking. You know what's going on here? Ketamine.

Everybody's doing ketamine. They do nasal sprays. We had some lady go into a K-hole in the middle of our comedy show. She's fucking falling down like this. And they brought in the Narcan and shit. They were worried that she had overdosed. And her wife was like, no, no, no. She's just been down like this. And they brought in the Narcan and shit. They were worried that she had overdosed. And her wife was like, no, no, no. She's just been doing ketamine.

She just did too much. So I did a couple of lines of that one time at the podcast studio. And it was okay. I did the podcast. But whoever gave me the ketamine left like a pile of it on the desk, you know, after we did a couple of lines. So he left and me and Lee were talking. And I go, Lee, what are we going to do with this fucking thing? And he goes, I don't know, throw it away.

I go, fuck that. It was about 8, 30, 9 o'clock at night. I had done three lines maybe and I was buzzed, but it didn't take me over the top. I did those. Now, I lived six minutes from the podcast studio in L.A. When I got to the first light to make the left, I knew it was not going to be a good drive home. It was not going to be a good drive home, okay?

I had done too much. And then I got home, and when I put my foot out of the car, that was it. It was lights out after that. And I'm like, I am fucked up. What do you mean, like, lights out? Like, I am fucked up. What do you mean like lights out? Like what way? Like I was fucked up. I don't know what was going on.

It's a different kind of fucked up, right? It's a different type of fucked up. And then I went in the house and God damn it, my wife is awake. Oh no. Now I got to talk to her. So I ran in my office and I'm in there 15 minutes getting higher and higher. Oh no. And shit, my body's feeling weird. And I go, and I'm in there 15 minutes getting higher and higher.

Oh, no. And shit, my body's feeling weird, and I go, I better go out there before she comes in here. Right. And she was watching True... True Crimes? Detective, whatever, on HBO. Oh, okay. And it was the dude from the Green Book and the other guy.

The Green Book. Oh, okay. And it was the dude from The Green Book and the other guy. The Green Book. The brother. The guy who won the, he was in the book The Green Book with the guy who drove him in the South. He played the piano player. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

So, you know I saw The Green Book? I don't think I saw The Green Book. That's a good fucking movie. Oh, we were talking about him yesterday. Marshal Ali. Yeah, yeah. That guy's awesome, man. He's awesome.

He was great in that Netflix documentary, or the Netflix show we were just talking about, about the end of the world, with Julia Roberts and Ethan Hawke. Oh, I didn't see that. It was good. Fucking Giannis hated it, though, huh? Yeah. He's trying to get me to hate it.

I kind of went with him a little bit, right? He influenced me. I was like, yeah, there were some parts I didn't like. Yeah, you didn't like the animals. The CG animals. Getting picky. Yeah, a bunch of CGI animals staring at people. I'm like, come on. No.

You don't need to do this to me. No. But I looked at him, and while I was watching TV, his head kept getting bigger. And I'm like, I couldn't take it. I'm sitting there. I got no t-shirt on. I'm sweating profusely. She's kind of looking at me. I'm kind of looking at her. Your wife is a fucking

angel. And finally, she really is. I couldn't take it no more. I go, what the hell's going on here? And she's like, what? What? I'll change it. She didn't know. I told her the next morning. I said, let me tell you something. When I came last night, I was not doing too good. You know, people think that

you fuck around. Like when I was living in LA, people think like you fuck around and you don't have no everybody always thinks like I just got high and had no fucking consequences. I just never told you about what I dealt with. You know, one night I ate mushrooms. And I went home and the fucking mushrooms hit. I didn't know. I ate, like, three little fucking things at the office.

The mushrooms hit. And that's the day The Exorcist came on. And I had to watch it. And I'm like, what the? And I finally ran into the room and put the blankets oh man it was too fucking real like I have horrible high stories I just don't repeat them cuz you know won't believe him I remember when we were on a plane once and you were eating stars at death and we were like almost at New York and it was like an hour before the plane

landing Joe Rogan I almost fucking lost it. I almost fucking lost it. I was having a panic attack. It was getting bad. It was getting bad. And then you go, but I'm back. And then you pop two more. I'm like, how did you just fucking do that?

You just had a panic attack almost. You know, for three years I cried about this anxiety, anxiety, I can't take it. Yeah. Fucking, I don't do edibles now. Is that what it is? Monday nights. So it was edibles that was giving you the anxiety?'t take it. Fucking, I don't do edibles now. Is that what it is? Monday nights. So was it edibles that was giving you the anxiety? You said it yourself. You can't live on a 2,000 milligrams a goddamn day.

Something's got to fall apart eventually. Yeah. You know, that was kicking it up, and then... Anytime I would get above 200 milligrams, the whole world was just very slippery. Very slippery. I could see how edibles could get someone to legitimately lose their mind.

That's why when I was talking to Alex Berenson, he wrote that book, Tell Your Children. It's all about schizophrenia and about how there are people that get introduced to high doses of marijuana and it induces schizophrenia. We both know a couple of people that have had that happen to. I'm like, this is real. I think marijuana is very beneficial in low to moderate doses. But you get above certain doses with certain psychologies, certain people, certain times of their life, certain things they're going through. You never know. You could going through. You never know.

You could fucking crack. You never know. You could. And I can tell you that. That's the truth. Yeah. That's the truth. Because at times, you know.

It gets, marijuana at the high doses is not what people think it is. It gets to that very psychedelic place where it's like, this might as well be acid. gets to that very psychedelic place where it's like this might as well be acid like the real high doses there's some time where uh eddie bravo had these uh thc pills one of his students had made his own pills had like turned keef into pills i forget how many we took but i was talking to this one dude and like i might as well have been in another dimension like my relationship to reality was very slippery i was like if i was losing my mind right now if it wasn't a good place in my life my you know life is falling apart maybe you're you know getting fired your house is repossessed going through a divorce maybe you have cancer who knows whatever it is and then you get that dose

they could send you over the top bro Bro, I had a guy come over from Jiu-Jitsu one day. We were just hanging out, and he goes, I want to do a bong hit with you. I gave him two bong hits of what I smoke. He puked in my yard. He was like, I don't know how you do this every day. Two fucking bong hits. Let me get a light up.

Well, it's also like when someone runs marathons. You try to run a marathon with them. I don't know how you run a marathon. Well, you fucking got to build up to it. You're building up to that, too. It's all building up, you know? This new weed that's coming out now, these people aren't ready for it. It's too strong.

And more people are smoking pot now than ever before, whether it's vapor pens. Everybody's doing something. Is that, like, because it's vapor pens, everybody's doing something. Is that, like, because it's legal, right? I wonder what the numbers are. Because it's legal in, what is it now, Jamie, 19 states? I feel like we're close to 20, 20, 23. A shitload of states. It's decriminalized in the city of Austin, but it's legal in a lot of states like New Jersey, New York, California, recreational use, Nevada, Colorado, Oregon.

I would imagine there's more people smoking it now just because of that, because it's legal, right? Dog, you got to come home from work. Instead of getting beer or whatever the fuck you get, you go and you get one of these joints for $25. This will last the regular person the whole weekend. And it doesn't kill your body. It doesn't kill you. It doesn't kill your body. That's the big one. For me, when I was doing jiu-jitsu every day, if I was getting high and doing jiu-jitsu, it actually made my jiu-jitsu better. I felt like my jiu-jitsu was more smooth. I was more focused.

But I never felt wrecked the next day But if I drank the night before and then tried to go into class the next day, I always felt like 30% less I was like this is terrible. So I stopped drinking because every time I would go out drinking And then I go into class. I just get manhandled. Let's get wrecked. Just couldn't couldn't keep up I just get manhandled. I just get wrecked. I just couldn't keep up. When you're hungover, it's the worst feeling. What have I done to myself for just a few hours of fun?

You know, it's really crazy that we don't really know what alcohol does to our bodies. But it's not good. You know how you find out? Get one of those aura rings. Get an aura ring or a whoop strap, one of those whoop straps. I got one. Yeah, okay. Check your whoop strap. Have a couple of cocktails. Oh. And then or a whoop strap one of those whoop straps i got one yeah okay check your whoop strap have a couple of cocktails oh and then check your whoop strap it's crazy like i only had two drinks two glasses of wine your recovery will be way down the whoop strap is very

beneficial for that because it tracks your heart rate variability and it gives you like a real accurate assessment of what happens when you fuck around with things. Because if you just do something different, like I just cut out sugar. Oh, whoa, look at how much better my recovery is. You know, oh, I stopped drinking alcohol. Whoa, recovery's through the roof. I committed to drinking X amount of liters of water every day. Whoa, look at all this recovery.

Look, my body's functioning better. You know, it's like it gives you real feedback. I was telling your buddy that when I got the whoop, it was for recovery purposes. I don't like being that fucking sore. You know what I'm saying? So I want to know where I am throughout the day. Right. I got the whoop, and I got to be honest with you.

You know what improved the best? What? My sleep. Because when I got the whoop, we all think we sleep eight hours. Right. Everybody thinks they sleep fucking eight hours. Get the fucking whoop and get back to me. Yeah.

You'll see that you're sleeping 545, 610, and you're like, this ain't working. So I started doing things to help my sleep. Joe, do you know I sleep eight now? And at four o'clock, five o'clock, I got to go down for an hour. Every day. Take a nap. You know when I took, I never took a fucking nap since you know me. Take a nap. You know when I took, I never took a fucking nap since you know me.

Take a nap. One hour. Get up, I feel tip top Magoo and that's when I start smoking weed and having a good time. Yeah,

I'm, I can function on five. I do well on six. When I'm doing eight plus, I'm at my best. I know the difference. like there's days that I come in here where maybe I had a late show got out of the club late and then maybe I had to take the kids to school in the morning or maybe I had an appointment or maybe I had something I had to

do so I had to get up early so I only got like five or six I can function but I'm in my mind I'm like that's a check I have to pay that's a check I have to pay. That's a bill I have to pay. So I have to make sure tonight I get like 10 or 11. Tonight I really want to get some serious sleep, no booze. Hit the sauna, hit the cold, get my body prepped. Sauna and a cold plunge before you go to bed? Oh, my God, you sleep like a baby. You sleep like a baby. You sleep so good.

Yeah. I haven't worked myself up to the cold plunge yet, but I do the red light sauna twice a week. You can do it right now. Red light sauna is great. I think any sauna is great. Even a hot bath is great. The whole idea is just warming your body up, just getting your body so it's uncomfortable.

But the real studies are on the regular sauna. We got a saloose sauna. I have that for here and that for my house. They're the shit, man. The one we have here is so nice. It's set up. It's all Bluetooth. You set it up off your phone.

Like, so you're on your way to the gym. If you're on your way to the gym, set the sauna 190. Get here. Come on in. Yeah, it's ready. Takes a while. Takes a while to cook. Then, you know, you're sitting in that thing.

And if you do that on a regular basis, you get get used to it you get used to being uncomfortable but goddamn you feel good like your joints feel good all the stiffness kind of feels like it goes away your mood feels better you sleep better saunas the mother fuck if I had to pick one over the two I don't know which one I'd pick but I love the fact that I could do both of them. I think sauna I would pick, because there's more data. There's a 20 year study out of Finland with sauna patients where they use the sauna four times a week for 20 years. And depending about how many times a week they used it,

they saw more improvement. But the people that use it four times a week saw, I think it was a 40% decrease in all-cause mortality. It's a 40% decrease, stroke, heart attack, cancer, for the people that did that as opposed to the people that didn't do it. Well, your girl told me that if you do... Rhonda? Yeah, I love her. She's the best.

You know I love her. I love her, too. Shout out to Rhonda Patrick. I watch every video. I take what she tells me to heart, and I think she's so fucking sexy because she's so fucking smart when she just goes on a tail and I'm like oh she's so fucking sexy but she was saying

that 51 61 minutes a week in the sauna cuts your cardiac arrest rate by like fucking 60% of some shit well I'll tell you what else it does Joey it makes your cardio better. Like your cardio for working out, just sitting there, your heart rate gets jacked.

So it's like a static form of cardio. Before I go to the Tuesday and Thursday jiu-jitsu, I go to the red lights on. That's my cheat because that's a heavier class. And you got to fucking be a little. So I always go in there in the morning 34 minutes come out go right to jujitsu from there it's a good way to warm up before working out too get in there for 10 minutes just sort of like get in there and stretch a little bit for 10 minutes i do yoga in there i do a bunch of aragandas whatever the fuck they call yeah there's a company that makes a

yoga room like they make a sauna that's just for working out in. It's a bigger sauna. I think it's, what is that company? But they have, like, chin-up bars in there and shit and exercise bike. And people work out while they're in the infrared. I breathe to five. Just work on my breathing. Just, you know, quick breathing in deep.

And then I get up and I stretch a little bit. And then about the 10-minute mark is where I start doing chaturangas. Which ones are chaturangas? Chaturangas, when you go up, down, drop. You could drop into a fucking whatever, crooked dog, whatever the fuck it is. But it's not big enough for Uncle Joey, and I fucked my ankle up, so I wasn't doing those. But I'll do a bunch of warrior poses warrior one, warrior two

in the sauna and then I wait to the halfway mark, I go out, I take 30 seconds I drink a little liquid IV and I shoot right back the fuck in there and I gotta tell you something else, before I go in that sauna I do it in the morning I get as fucking jizzled as I can be

I don't smoke. If I know I'm going to the sauna at 10, I won't do that 8 o'clock bong hit. I'll hold off on that motherfucker till 10, and then I'll do like 18 bong hits. When I walk in there, they even know it. They're the nicest people in the world. They just wave.

I go in the red light sauna. I am fucking stoned in there. When I walk out of there, I dry off. I put my socks on. I go in the red light sauna. I am fucking stoned in there. When I walk out of there, I dry off. I put my socks on. I drink my water. After about seven minutes, I go back in and smell in there. You could grow fucking weed in that motherfucker after I... The odors you smell in there,

fucking fungi toenail sweat, fucking reefer sweat. It's amazing. Is this a place at the gym you go to? No, no, this is a place called Chill. Oh, so it's a place that's set up just with saunas and cold plunges? Red Light Sauna, no cold plunge, but they have the cryo.

Cryo therapy. So you can go right from the sauna to the cryo. They got so many things now. They got many beds that you sit in. It controls like whatever. They have so many things. The place is clean. Six minutes from my house, I could just call them and go on my way.

We don't have a bed. We have a bed. It's tremendous. I love all that shit. Yeah, I wonder what's better for you, cryo or the cold plunge? I'll tell you what's harder to do. Cold plunge is harder to do. Cold plunge is hard.

It's harder to do. And you feel different when you get out of there. Like you feel fucking chilled down to the bones whereas there's something about the the cryo chamber I think they're both super beneficial though I don't know if there's been studies done and what's better for you but the I get the same feeling after both of them like whoo I recover a lot quicker after the cryotherapy than I would the cold plunge though the cold plunge, I'm cold for a long fucking time. I only got one regret about cryotherapy.

I didn't discover that when I was doing drugs. Let me tell you something. When you go into the cryotherapy the first time, you do the three minutes. When you walk out of there, you either have an idea what this is for you. For me, when I walked out, I go, where was this motherfucking when I was drinking? Because you could snort coke till 9 in the morning, go to that red light sauna, call to the 10, come out of that 10, and you're brand new. I've never done it, but I know from the feeling of walking out of there that you're brand new.

So you mean the cryotherapy or you mean the sauna? The cryotherapy. I'm sorry. Japanese people invented cryotherapy. They did? Can we find out? Can the fact check me? I think... I'd like to know. I mean, I think the Vikings did it.

It was the thing they did to just boost their manliness. Just get in the fucking cold water. Technically, Joey's right. Oh, okay. Developed in the 1970s by a Japanese rheumatologist, Toshima Yamaguchi. But that'd be like the actual cryotherapy that we did in LA. Okay, like the liquid nitrogen.

Yeah. Okay. But the Vikings were doing cold therapy thousands of years ago. I don't think they had liquid nitrogen. But the guy that invented this, the people, it was Japanese people. And again, these motherfuckers like to party. Yeah. So as soon as I walked out of there, that's when I said to myself,

absolutely a Japanese guy invented this. Look at this. It goes back to the ancient civilizations. Ancient Egyptians, Romans, and early Greeks were using cold temperatures as a form of therapy as early as 2,500 B.C. Whoa. When I used to see Fedor do it Fedor Emelianenko one of the all-time greats he used to do the banya so they would all get in the sauna together and they would like beat them with leaves they would use leaves and beat them and then they would jump in this

frozen lake and I was like these guys are just insane there's no bet I'm like what the benefit what's the benefit of that I I would think it was nonsense. But they knew. They knew, you know, this is the early 2000s. People weren't doing cold plunges and saunas. If they were, it wasn't like openly discussed like it is now, you know. Dan Gable found out about it. He was telling me on the podcast.

He found out about it when he's wrestling the Russians and the Eastern Europeans. He's like, they all use sauna. when he's wrestling the Russians and the Eastern Europeans. He's like, they all use sauna. And he realized there's something to the actual benefits for your cardio, recovery, blood cells. He said it's almost like a mild version of EPO when you're in the sauna on a regular basis. It just really boosts up your endurance.

Here's Fedor. Damn, when he was young, he was the motherfucker, dude. And what a dad bod that guy had. There's not a single photo of him out there with a six pack. And he's widely regarded as the greatest heavyweight of all time. I mean, he might be the greatest martial artist of all time. He's certainly in the argument. The arguments for the greatest martial arts of all time, if they're in their prime, I always say this guy because people leave him out of the conversation, you never should, BJ Penn. BJ Penn in his prime was one of the greatest I've ever seen.

And then there's Anderson. Anderson in his prime. I was just watching the Anderson documentary the UFC just put together. Holy shit, man. You forget. You forget. You forget those Rich Franklin fights. I never forgot them.

You forget. But you forget the level of expertise and precision and just mastery he had when he was in his prime. I am telling you, I'm guilty. Even though I'm a giant Anderson fan, I had to see it again. I had to see it again. I had to see it again. I'm like, oh, yeah, people forgot. Well, we had a conversation after the Adesanya fight. You're like, Adesanya was the best.

And I go, remember I said to you, bro. Yeah. No, you're right. It's Anderson. And I love the Rich Franklin fight. I mean, the first time I ever saw this motherfucker, I'm getting dressed. I'm getting dressed. Ready to go do comedy with you

or anybody else. And it was a UFC fight night with him against Chris Levin. I never saw this fucking guy. I heard you guys talking about him. And when he came out, it was fucking mastery. I was like blown. Then he played the ukulele. I'll never forget that. Well, I was a giant

fan of Anderson's already. Because I became a fan of Anderson's in pride. And then Anderson went over to Cage Warriors. And when he went over to – was it Cage Rage? What was the organization that he fought for, that Anderson fought for in England? But in England, he became Anderson Silva. You know, there's like Charles Oliveira. Charles Oliveira was a really good fighter, and then his daughter was born,

and then he became Charles Oliveira, the assassin that everybody knows. But he lost a bunch of times in the UFC. Yeah, we went through that. He would fall apart. Anderson, when he went to England. There's something about leaving Japan and going to England, then he became Anderson. So what was the... Cage Rage.

Right. Cage Warriors is the top organization that exists now in the UK. So he fights Lee Murray in Cage Rage. And Lee Murray was a fucking killer. Lee Murray was the guy who was involved in

the biggest armed robbery in the history of the UK. He's in jail biggest armed robbery in the history of the UK. He's in jail now, like, forever. A real gangster. Crazy dude. So he fucks Lee Murray up in Cage Rage, and then he comes back and fucks Jorge Rivera up in Cage Rage. And when he fucked Jorge Rivera up, he's standing in front of Jorge, who was a murderous puncher, and letting Jorge punch him in the face.

He was just letting him punch him in the face. Just like but she ain't got shit and Then beat his ass then he goes over and fights Tony Fricklin in cage rage and hits him with that crazy upward elbow Did you ever see that? Yeah? Yeah? So he fought Curtis Stout fucked him up fuck Tony Fricklin up and then by the time he was coming to the UFC I was like, dude, get ready for this guy. And I was looking at the line, like the betting line. The betting lines back then were stealing. Nobody knew nothing. Nobody knew nothing.

A guy would sneak over. A guy like Glover Teixeira or someone would come over from Brazil. You'd be like, no one even knows yet. You don't even know how good this guy is. The line would be in favor of the other guy. Oh, my God, this is hilarious. I think Chris Lieben might have been a slight favorite over Anderson. I don't even know what the betting line was.

I don't think he was a favorite. I think Anderson was a favorite. But either way, I was like, dude, he's going to light him up like a Christmas tree. Because Chris Lieben was just such a murderous, marauding, attacking style. That's perfect for Anderson. Because Anderson's the technician. So he's just going to slide away. Pop, pop, pop.

That's what he did. He basically just stepped away, punched. It's a master class. Put that fight on. Put Anderson Silva versus Chris Lieben. The fucking fight you took me to with Rich Franklin in Columbus. Oh, yeah. When the Arnold thing was going on and we were in Columbus.

Yeah. That last array when he boom, boom, then he hits him low with a leg kick and then he punches him again, another leg kick. It's fucking beautiful. I was like, what the fuck? That's how you mix it the fuck up. And he did it like he was just playing. He did it like he was hitting a heavy bag, just fucking around.

What about the night we hit acid hit of acid, and that's the night he decided to kick that dude in the face? Yeah, this is the one. So this is Anderson's debut. And by the way, Chris Lieben, one of the most murderous punchers. Knocked out Vanderlei Silva, knocked out a shit ton of dudes. When Chris

Lieben would connect on guys, they would go night-night. And he fought like a fucking wolverine, man When Chris Lieben would connect on guys, they would go night-night. And he fought like a fucking Wolverine, man. Chris Lieben would just charge at you. So, like, that style with that kind of confidence is perfect. Look how Anderson's moving, baby. Look at that. Look at that jab.

Look at that jab. Shucks him off to the side. I mean, the footwork, bro. Look how elegant. Just no wasted movement. And Lieben just moving in for the kill. Bink. Uh-oh. Give me that volume. Oh, there it is. It's already beginning. Bink, bink, bink. Yep. I mean, Liebman can't even land a shot on him. Liebman got back up. Liebman's so tough, dude.

Tough as nails. And there's the knee. And that's a wrap, son. Anderson Silva. This last less than one minute. That's what I was talking about. This is a different kind of striker. Anderson Silva. Man, that was impressive. That was the big debut. That was like 2004? Six. Six.

I was fucking hypnotized by that. Hypnotized. He was the man. Hypnotized. I was like, what the fuck? He was the man. He was the man. Listen, bro, I watched the UFC with you.

There was a bunch of chubby guys that looked like me. I don't want no part of that stuff. You took me to Florida one time to see Miami when there was like maybe 15 people in the audience. Shaq was there. Do you remember that? It was a long time ago, yeah. That was the early days. That was 2004.

That was 2004. Because that was around the time of the Man Show. And it was Butterbean was one of the fighters on that card. No, Butterbean never fought in the UFC. Who was the chubby guy that fought on that card? There was somebody who was on that card. That was like. Trey Telegman.

No, Scott Ferroza was really big. Trey Telegman was the guy that was missing. But Shaq was there. It was the two guys that Vitor fought in his debut but that was earlier than that that was 97 that was Shaq was there I remember he was already

in Miami and I was like I'm like man I don't know about the UFC down here yeah Shaq trained martial arts a long time ago he started training

a long time ago bro I didn't know he was from Newark and I didn't know all the good things he did for Newark that's a bad motherfucker. He's a good man.

I've gotten a whole new level of respect for what I heard he's done in Newark. Oh, yeah? One of my friends is a Newark cop, a couple of them, and they were telling me, bro, it never ends. Oh, that's great. Yeah. He gave a lot back to his fucking community. He's very smart.

I mean, he's got a shit ton of businesses. He owns a bunch of businesses. He's always got something going on, you know He stays active, you know Guy there's there's a bunch of guys that do a real good job of like using whatever fame they got from Athletics and then just like do everything after check does everything. He's always doing commercial. He's always doing something, you know That's a big human being, dude. You put your hands, you shake his hand.

That's a big dude. He's so big. His hands are like a fucking breakfast tray. I never said nothing to him. I never spoke to him. I saw him at the store a couple nights. He would come to the store after the games for Fat Tuesday. But I never really

spoke to him or anything. I did Fear Factor with him. Oh, that's right. Me and him, it was hilarious. It was like a six-year-old and his dad. It was like me standing next to him. He's so big. He's so gigantic. So what else is happening

with my brother? Everything's good, man. You know they have those banyas by me, right? Do they? The Russian ones? Ari goes to those in the city. They have a beautiful one in Freehold. Yeah? And the fucking place has a restaurant to die for.

Really? Yeah. Russian? Yeah, you can stay there all fucking day. A Russian restaurant? I think it's everything. Oh, okay. It's everything.

You get beat up with the leafs, the steam, the fucking cold plunge. They got a everything. It's everything. You get beat up with the leaves, the steam, the fucking cold plunge. They got a pool. They massage you. They have lunch. You can just go there and write. If you just want to write jokes, you can go up to have a cafe in there. It's really fucking sharp. That's smart. I'm just not in the mood to get beat up

with fucking leaves at this point in my life. When I used to go to the YMCA in Hollywood, the good one, there were Russians in there in the mornings with the hoods on. They wear the hoods to keep the heat in. And they'd have the vodka there. I did this because I was so heavy, I was embarrassed

to go any other time of the day. So I would go at 4.45. And I would sit in the fucking banya with them, whatever, the steam bath. And then I would go on the other one, the sauna, the steam bath. And then I would swim. And I would sit in the fucking banya with them, whatever, the steam bath. And then I would go on the other one, the sauna, the steam bath, and then I would swim.

And I just swam more and more every day. This went on for about six months. One day I get there about 5 a.m., I open up the fucking door, and there's a dude completely balls-ass naked laying where the Russians sit, okay? Balls-ass naked, just on a fucking towel. Dick out, didn't give a Frenchman's fuck. balls ass naked laying where the Russians sit balls ass naked just on a fucking towel dick out, didn't give a Frenchman's fuck

I sat there for about 5 minutes and all I kept thinking was these Russians ain't gonna like it when they come in here sure enough the fucking 3 Russians came in they asked the guy to move the dude didn't fucking move and it was not good after that right in the YMCA.

Did they beat his ass? They fucking choked him and threw him out naked. They picked him up by his fucking neck right in front of me. I just kept walking. I don't want no problem. Dog, I can't be around that shit. I'll go to jail for 20 years. Joe, they grabbed him by the fucking throat.

They asked him one time, can we sit here? Then he let him sit, but he wouldn't put a towel on. That's what it was. The guy had probably come from a fucking freaky spot and was trying to get his dicks up in there. And I walked out, and all I heard was a couple thumps. And then I saw the sauna door open, and the homie went flying out like one of those fucking crackheads.

Eddie Bravo and I used to work out at 24 Hour Fitness, and one of the managers, they just brought him over from the West Hollywood place, and he was giving me the war report from working in West Hollywood. He's like, it's basically a gay pickup spot. That's all it is. The 24 Hour Fitness on Santa Monica next to the— I don't even know if it's there anymore. Oh, that'll be there forever.

Is it there? Yeah, that'll be there forever. Is it there? Yeah. That'll be there forever. Back in the day when Eddie and I were working out together, this was like 2001, 2002, this manager was like, dude, it's crazy. He goes, there's just jizz all over the sauna. You go in the sauna, you got to hose it down. There's just loads everywhere. These guys are just fucking each other everywhere.

They find places to fuck, and they would go there to look for other buff guys to fuck i mean and you imagine the problem with guys is there's no women there's no one to go hey this is ridiculous i don't want to get pregnant what have you been up to you know are we going to use protection there's no voice of reason it's just two guys you want to fuck i want to fuck this I want to fuck. Let's fuck. And they're all jacked up, right? So they're probably doing testosterone or they're lifting a lot of weights and they've got high testosterone. They're horny all the time. They're taking drugs. And they're just fucking each other at the gym.

He said the gym was barely a gym. He goes, it's so weird to come here and it's a gym. He goes, that gym was just a front for a gay pickup spot. These guys were just, I'm sure they were working out too, but they were just banging. They were doing a lot of banging. Listen, bro. When you go through Boys Town,

I think you had a bit about it before we left LA. People have to understand that when you go through Boys Town, you have one at the end, by the time you hit Dan Tannis, and you're about to hit you have two things on your mind. Either I love gay people or I can't stand these motherfuckers. They're out of control.

And with my world, I love these motherfuckers. The best being, this just happened like seven years ago, six, five, before the pandemic. We're driving on Santa Monica, me and my wife, we're going to eat at fucking Dan Tannis. We got an early reservation, right? Fucking, we're at a light. There's a bar on the right-hand side. UFC is on. Two guys are fighting.

But meanwhile, there's 100 guys with leather dancing to the UFC. And me and my wife just look at each other and go, God bless them. Yeah. God bless. That's what it is about Boys Town. They got the run of it.

Well, they also don't have to pretend. No. Right? No. They don't have to pretend they want something other than what they want. Whereas there's a lot of men that they feel like to pick up women in a bar,

they have to pretend to be something different. They have to act a little different. They have to play to what the lady likes. These guys are just fucking. They just fuck. They just fuck. Listen, Christy Miller. Remember Christy Miller from New York?

She's in New York. She's in New York now? Yeah, she's been in New York. And before Christy Miller moved to New York, she was working at Gold's on Ivar, maybe down there. You remember that? That's another gay spot. Tremendous gay spot. Here's the fucking deal. I was 426 pounds.

And Christy, out of the love of her heart, goes, take this membership for free. Don't go at night. Don't go at night. And they'll fucking take night like this werewolves and they'll take care of you in there and i'm like really i tell you i went in there maybe for three or four months before i signed up at the y because the y told me you're too fat we can't have you really the first time i went to the why i told you you're too fat to work out dog when i went to the y the first

time i signed up for a consultant thing, like somebody for free to help with you. I didn't want to come to you guys. I was too embarrassed. I thought I was going to die. I got on a fucking treadmill. I didn't even make 30 seconds on level two. He goes, listen, you got to go out and walk.

He goes, come back here when you lose 50 pounds. He goes, right now, you gotta walk. Do you ever walk? Right. And I was like, yeah, you know, to the store, to the drug dealers, to the comedy store, you know. Yeah, you know, but no.

And he goes, just walk. He goes, I want you to do what Dolce does, which is tap the mailboxes, go for a walk, and tap two mailboxes one day and then three the next. Whatever. As far as you go. Yeah. So Christy gave me that thing, and I would go over there at night.

I knew little things, you know, from lifting as a kid. But every time I was struggling over there, some fucking hot guy came over. Dang. And he would always go, excuse me, can I help you out? And he would talk to me. And, yeah, maybe they wanted to fuck me, but I doubt it. I was 418 pounds. Yeah. You had to fucking get a fucking crowbar to get

to my asshole at that point. So, I mean, these guys were fucking dynamite dry. I would love to sit here and tell you that they hit on me not one time. In fact, they were very helpful. Would they hit on me, they would set me up, you know. They're wolves. Don't ever think. And that's what shocked us.

Like, my friend told me about that website he used to go on, Boys Ahoy, that was just gay men, right? Boys Ahoy. See if it's still around. Boys Ahoy. Boys Ahoy. What a great name for a website. Okay, now he had belonged to other ones, Grindr, you know, he's a gay dude, he'd tell me all

this shit. He said when he signed up for Boys Ahoy, it was a complete different situation. They just want to fuck. Yeah. They just want to fuck. There's no female equivalent. No, there's no way. They met at the, he would meet them at the hot dog place up a block from the store.

The carnies. Pinks. Oh, carnies. Oh, carnies. They would take them to the standard, fuck them, and then he'd come to the comedy store at nine o'clock. And they'd go that way and you'd go your way. Boys Ahoy, Gay Chat and Friend, apps on Google Play.

Good for them. Yeah. Good for them. And you gotta fucking go wild. Bro, when those guys get old, it gets rough. It gets rough. I don't know. Yeah.

A lot of them guys, when they get old, it gets rough. It gets rough. I don't know. Yeah. A lot of them guys, when they get old, it gets rough. Dog, I just went to Jingle Bell to see my man Jelly. Okay? Jingle Bells? What's that? Jingle Ball is a big thing they do. Z-100, they do a thing in New York at Madison Square Garden. I never went to it, but I got a daughter now.

And you get talked into those stupid shit. Right. And I don't want my kid going into the city by myself with my wife, okay? She don't know the mechanisms of it. So I went with, like, you know, nine kids from the neighborhood. Jelly hooked us up. Me, three moms, and, like, the rest were just kids. Girls and one boy.

And I took them to go see fucking Jelly, Olivia Rodrigo. But Cher was there. Okay? Cher was doing an appearance. I get there. Everybody's cool. But there's two old school gay dudes. They're probably in their 60s.

And they're those old school New York geezers, gay guys. They were gay when it was tough to be gay. You know what I'm saying? Like, they've been in New York all their lives. They started at CBGB's or the meat market or whatever fucking gay haunt. And now they're mature. They were married before the law. Dog, these motherfuckers were miserable.

They just sat there and every once in a while they would look at each other and look at the kids and go, the whole fucking night. I'm like, why are these fucking guys here? Meanwhile, I got a girl and a little boy, a Jewish kid, jumping up and down, singing into the phone, the whole fucking thing. And I'm like, look at this fucking Jewish kid. His brother's fighting over there in Israel. He's over here watching this fucking thing, jumping up and down like a half a fucking fag.

Now the two gay guys haven't said a word. They just keep looking around, hating, hating everybody. Dog, when they said Cher coming out to the stage, these motherfucking fucked it out of their capes, and they got up and they were dancing like the kids. You should have seen them. They had to be in their 67,

68, they both had the hair. They were fucking dead. They were hugging each other. Take me home. Whatever that song she fucking sings. When Cher walked out, these motherfuckers, you see like 10,000 people just left. Really? Because there was a lot of gay people hidden.

It's Christmas time. Just to see Cher. Huh? Just to see Cher. 82 years old. She's 82? What is it? Close enough. She's 82? What is it? Close enough. 77, 82. Yeah, that's old.

That's Biden's age. How the fuck did Jimmy, how the fuck did our girl, how the fuck is Jimmy Page 80 years old? That motherfucker turned 80. She looks good. She looks fucking dynamite. Look at her.

How's she sound? It's lip sync. It's hard to tell. Yeah. That's fine. Let me see if it's recorded. I'll hear it. It's not recorded. It's loaded in processing.

Yeah, that's the show I was at. It might be recorded. It's hard to say. Often, too, they do. She might be singing live, but it's so buried in the mix that you're hearing, you would never really be able to tell. She looks like she was singing that. It looks like she's singing that. It's like she's singing.

That sounds pretty fucking good. It could just be mixing. They might mix it. Good for her. Maybe she can hit some of the notes, for her. Not all of them or something. Dog, I saw him when I was a young man. I saw him when I was a fucking kid. Yeah?

In Union City, walking into Pastore Music with fucking the king, Greg Orman. Wow. That nasty motherfucker. Back in the day. And I didn't know who he was. I'd love to tell you I knew Greg Orman. Greg Orman was an animal. I just knew something wasn't right, but I saw her and I was like, what the fuck is Sonny?

You know? Bro. I was like a little, I grew up on that stupid fucking show. You know what the song I love is? I'm No Angel. Oh, bro. He's got. What a song.

Give me that, Jamie. That dude. What? That dude lived. You hear his voice like that. You only get I'm half crazy Come on, love me baby So you find me hard to handle But easier to hold

So you like the burning tingle I'll never leave you cold So I might steal the diamond I'll give you back your gold I'm the wager Yeah. The thing about him is, the reason I called Jelly that day,

about three years ago, after I heard that one song, I called him and I go, listen, bro, you're bringing back something that this country has not heard in 30 years. All these type of songs, like these singers, Greg Orman. Yeah.

A couple of them. Even the dude from Leonard Skinner. The way they sang, it was deep. You felt their years. You felt what they had gone through. Yeah. And I think that's what Jelly brought back to us. Oh, yeah.

That's what he brought. That little piece, that's what he brought back to us. Yeah. That type of of you know i still listen to a lot of eat a peach almonds and i still listen to live from the beacon whatever the either they do all the time you know we have that green room playlist midnight rider is the first song that's the yeah that gets that's the first song sometimes i switch it up sometimes it's i'm your boogeyman That's another one Depends on how we're feeling, Joey Depends on how we're feeling

That's KC the Sunshine Band Oh, yeah Come on, give me some I'm your boogeyman Is he still touring? Give me some volume, too I don't know, man But this is the song When we would walk into the arena

When we do arenas When we walk into the arena Like, as we're walking into the green room I like to play I'm your boogeyman Because that's one of those ones that just Listen to this we're walking into the green room, I like to play I'm Your Boogeyman. Because that's one of those ones that just, listen to this. You're walking in. The joint gets fired up. The ice cubes go in the glass.

The whiskey gets poured. Cheers. Music goes up. Everybody gets ready. Show's about to start. I'm your boogeyman. That's what I am. I'm here to do whatever I can. Show's about to start. Fuck.

Be it early morning, late afternoon, or at midnight. It's never too soon. I want to be you. That was back when you could use rainbows. You know who was here last night? Who? Motherfucker. Nobody told me. You could use rainbows. You know who was here last night? Who? Motherfucker.

Nobody told me. Kool and the Gang was here last night. No way. At the Moody fucking Theater. No way. When I got to the hotel room, I looked at the menu and it said, yeah, entertainment for the month. Fucking. That was the thing that I didn't realize about moving here.

I thought I was going to miss out on big artists, big acts. But then when I got here, I'm like, oh, they all come to town. They all come here. They all got to stop here. They all come here. Got to say hello. Cat Williams was just here. Got to say hello. With Mark Curry.

Remember our guy Mark Curry? Fuck yeah. Mark Curry's the man. Mark Curry's a sweetheart. I just bumped into him. Do you have his number? No. I Mark Curry's the man. Mark Curry's a sweetheart. I just bumped into him. Do you have his number? No. I got to get his number.

I got him into the ha-ha, and then he was working a little at the store before the pandemic hit. My man Willie D reached out to me the other day, and he said that he saw him. He said Mark Curry was on fire. Mark Curry was opening up for Cat. He said it was insane. Don't get 40 years of stand-up. What do you expect? Oh, Mark was so underrated.

Mark was always a killer. So underrated. So when. What do you expect? Oh, Mark was so underrated. Mark was always a killer. So underrated. So when we'd see him at the store, he was so polished. But you know what? He just made a ton of money off that show. I was like, eh, I'm good. I'm going to chill. He's a great guy, too.

Yeah. The best. Nicest guy in the world. Nicest guy in the world. Always great to young comics. Yes. When I walked in the store, he was always very nice. Great to everybody.

You didn't have to earn a conversation with him. He'd talk to young comics. Yes. When I walk in the store, he's always very nice. Great to everybody. You didn't have to earn a conversation with him. He'd talk to door people. So Mark Kirby is opening for Cat on the Road. Yeah. Yeah. At least that show in Austin. And did they do the movie? I don't know what he did.

Did a big place, though. Cat's killing it. It's like his ticket sales went up like 800%. Why was it the H-E-B Center? H 800%. HEB Center. Yes, they did the big place. That's that 15,000 seat place. Look at that. Come on, son.

Come on, son. Let's go. I always loved Cat. I love Cat. So, I don't know. He did that interview. He said I wouldn't have him on. I'm like, what are you talking about?

I'll have you on. Let's go. Two times. Anytime. whenever you want to come by call me call me I'll fuck you. I'll fire this place up at 3 in the morning for you. I'll wake up I'm always into doing something. I Think we're gonna get a studio downtown I Think I'm gonna get a studio in one of them penthouses with a view so I could do nighttime podcasts after the podcast or after the shows.

Like say if we do a seven o'clock show at the Mothership, hey, let's go fuck around. Let's go do a podcast for a couple hours. Like we did at Ice House. Exactly. Those were great days. Those were great days. When Red Band had that cool studio right there at the Ice House. Can you go in and out?

Mm-hmm, and we would go onto the stage, Ice House Chronicles, we had a good time. I wonder what the Ice House looks like now. It's supposed to be nice. Really nice. It's very cleaned up. A lot of guys don't like it because they miss the dirt. I get it.

You miss, like, it was an old club. It was the longest running club in the country, the Ice House was. Yes. Ice House was the longest running stand-up comedy club in the country. It was older than the store. Ice House existed the longest-running stand-up comedy club in the country. It was older than the store. Ice House existed before the store. And it was originally an actual ice house where people would go to get ice. And then it became, like, some sort of a rock and roll club.

And then it became a comedy club in the early 70s. Been a comedy club forever. The longest-running comedy club even before the store. It really was a gem. Oh, it was amazing. That club was a gem and I'll tell you why. Because it just took you out of that whole

L.A. shit for an hour. Exactly. It took you out of there. Put you out on regular people. Those people in that big room that would come

on Friday and Saturday, I don't know why anybody didn't take their specials there. A lot of guys did. They just come to laugh there. They came prepared. Good people. It was a good place to be.

That's what I miss about L.A., the Armenians. Yeah. They're up north. See, New Jersey's got a lot of Armenians, but up north. So when I moved here, the Armenian would call me all the time and say, if you want to buy a gun, my friend, he'll see you. But when I went to my

hometown, I had Armenians up there growing up. Not a lot of them like this one wrestler kid. But when I went up there about five years ago, I noticed I had an Armenian church in North Bergen. Oh, yeah? So I was like, yeah, they got them up here. They're everywhere. But I don't have them down by me. Not like Glendale.

No, I miss them. You were out next to them. Yeah. No, no. And I just became. Those are the last manly men. Yeah, they're fucking out of their minds. They're unapologetically masculine men. Dog, that was still to the day my best drug dealer.

I miss him. We still talk once in a while. He's still fucking nuts. He still. I don't know how these guys could do it. I mean, I was there with him 20 years ago. And he's still at that race, at that pace. I'm sorry.

He's not at the pace like, I go out Friday and Saturday. No. No. No. You know, now he just goes to Vegas for the week. Oh, boy. Now he just goes to Vegas, 100 Xanax, a couple ounces of blow. Do you think you could ever do a residency somewhere, like a Vegas-type deal, where people would come to see

you? Yeah. The thing about living in Vegas, Joey, is one, it's great tax benefits, but two, you don't live in Vegas. No. You live in Henderson. Henderson, yeah. Yeah, or somewhere nice. People like it. Henderson's nice. People like it. What's that other place? There's another area of Vegas that's real nice that's out further away that a lot of people live in. Where Red Rocks is? Where's Red Rocks? I was going to say that, but that's not what it's called.

Red Rocks is nice. Colorado? No, no, no. Red Rock Casino. That might be what they call it, I guess. The area of Red Rock? That's a nice area. That's where the Fertittas have that club? Red Rock Casino. Oh, okay. That might be what they call it, I guess. The area of Red Rock? Yeah, I mean, it's over the canyon in the park. That's where the Fertittas have that club? Summer. Red Rock?

I saw Dana White gambling there, and he was down $600,000 playing blackjack. I was like, you fucking psychopath. What are you doing? Because I knew he did that, but I never went with him to do it until this one time. These guys are all gambling. Taylor LeJuan lost $120,000 in the first five minutes, and I'm fucking shitting my pants.

I'm getting anxiety. I can't watch this. This is insane. Taylor won at winning. I think he was up 60 and he quit. And Dana won at winning. Dana was down 600 and he wound up being up 600. Dana's good at cards. Oh, he's a wizard. He got kicked out of the Palms back in the day.

He won like $7 million one night and they gave him the boot. They said you're banned. Do you play cards? No. I mean, I did with my wife. I went with my wife with Whitney and Lex Friedman. We went to Vegas a while back during the pandemic. Whitney had a corporate

gig. So it was like she did stand up at some lady's house so went to this rich lady had this house in vegas and dana carvey and whitney cummings and i introduced whitney because i was just there and i was drunk we just went from andrew schultz's wedding so we went to andrew schultz's wedding in montecito we flew on a jet with lex friedman hammered out of his fucking mind. Whitney and my wife, we all went to Vegas for like the day. So we got there at like 9 p.m.

The gig is at 10. She does her gig, and then we go out. We go and play cards. And it was a hilarious night. Lex Friedman got in a push-up contest with David Goggins. I called Goggins and said we were in town. Goggins met us there. We hung out with Goggins and his wife, and we played a little bit of cards.

But I'm not good at it. Did you ever play poker with five guys? Nope. Nope. Poker, to me, was always the thing that killed pool action. Because you can't miss when you're playing poker. You can win or lose. So if you're a gambling addict, there's a lot of guys.

The thing about pool is making the shot. It's like the nine balls. It's like it's eight to eight on a race to nine. You're shooting the nine ball for all the fucking marbles. That's what I like. I like these high-pressure moments. I like the difficulty of performing under pressure. And cards didn't have any of that, but it had the gambling.

So all the gambling addicts were just addicted to gambling. They didn't want to play pool anymore. They wanted to play cards. So we'd have all these gin games, gin rummy games. These guys would be playing all these card games when you couldn't get any pool games. So to me, I was like, this is not good. I don't like this. I can never sit with five guys all night.

Like, I know people who play two, three days. I don't know. I can't do that. I'm not a game guy. Even Monopoly as a kid, once you started buying hotels, I'm done. Poker is a very skillful game, and I'm sure I would love it. It's just like golf to me. Like, my friend's husband, he plays professionally.

He plays poker. He lives out here. And he goes everywhere. He goes to these tournaments. There's these card places. There's one out in Round Rock that's this big fucking card place. And high-level guys go there and they play and they play tournaments. And he makes money.

He's a real poker player. Ari was a real poker player. Ari lived in L.A. He played a lot of real poker. But Ari was a real poker player. We can plow he lived in LA He played a lot of like real poker, but to me You know I am I can't I can't get into another thing. I'm too crazy. I get into another thing I'm playing you know I got into archery I'm shooting arrows three hours a day the only reason I can't do it more is my shoulder gives out I get tired Otherwise I'd be there all day

I'm a psychopath and if you give me something like poker Where I'll have to do is sit there and do this, and I get better at it, I figure it out, I'll be doing that 12 hours a day. I can't do it. I'm too crazy. I don't have time for that either. I don't have time.

I don't even know how to play dice. Like street dice on the street. I walked by games all the fucking time as a kid. I'd stop for two minutes, said hello, but I didn't play. There was a 30% chance that someone was gonna get punched or shot if there was ever a dice game. There's a 30% chance. I always thought that was like,

this is like a high level of potential violent activity because people get mad. They lose, they think someone's cheating, someone's got a load of dice. Someone says they bet this, but they didn't bet this, they bet that, and it's like arguments and shit. Dog, I used to go to this place. Not used to go.

I went twice with a crazy friend of mine, Chris. You fuck 181st Street. It was a parking garage, maybe six floors. You just pulled in. There was a guy standing there, and all of a sudden,

he'd open up the door, and you pulled into a car elevator that put your car up the car brought you up to the 6th floor you fucking come out of your car you walk out of the elevator

Joe you thought you were in fucking Vegas really everything was dark poker blackjack all that shit ooh those are exciting

cocaine hookers there there was hookers on site people snorting on site. Twice I went down. I'm like, this is too much for me. Wow. One time me and Chris, we drove a girl out of there that we grew up with.

And then we all went to a hotel and snorted coke until the next day. So how do they get away with that? Do they make a deal with the cops? They pay the cops off? What do they do? Probably. Get everybody to keep their mouth shut? You can't get everybody to keep their mouth shut.

This is 30 years ago. Right. So this is a different mindset. Yeah. It was up 181st. And all the cops were dirty back then. You would always find dirty cops back then. You know, I mean, but I don't know how they do it.

They figure it out. You have to pay like the battalion chief. You know, it's just somebody. You got to pay somebody. You got to pay them good money. Yeah. You got to give, like, the battalion chief. You know, it's just somebody. You got to pay somebody. You got to pay them good money. Yeah, you got to give them a piece so they have a vested interest in keeping the place open. See, I knew people who had that, but they'd have moving locations every day. So the cops could never get a hold of you.

It's like when you book numbers on the phone. We had to get a new apartment every three weeks. Not a personal apartment. Right, to book out of. To book out of. So I would get a, my mom would get an apartment, and then she would get three different apartments out of that apartment so nobody could read what you're doing.

Then a month later, next door. Then a month later, around the block, then you're back to that fucking building. So you pretty much pay rent on it. All those years, rent was cheap. Now you get fucking... Isn't it crazy how much underground gambling there was with bookies and the numbers? The numbers was a big one.

Numbers was big. You know, underground casinos. I used to go with my buddy Martin Perez to this judo school. I never wanted to go. I was more of a karate guy. But I would go with him. And there was like this old

fucking Japanese guy and this old Cuban dude, and they would throw each other around. There was a Russian guy there. This is the 70s. And up the corner, there was a place where people would play cards. And I found out my stepfather would go there. And one day I went to judo on the way out.

As I was walking towards the bus on 7th Street, I saw unmarked cars. I saw like two unmarked cars. And when I got home that night, my stepdad was getting ready. He goes, where are you going? He goes, I'm going to play cards. And I go, are you going on to 8th Street? He goes, yeah.

I go, don't go down there. He goes, why? I go, because I was down there with Martin. I saw the fucking two unmarked cars down there. And he goes, what the fuck do you know? I go, what do I know that since I've been fucking five, I've been wanting to be a lookout? Because I'm five.

That's my job, to look, to keep my fucking eyes open. And I would just pick up shit like that. I would just pick up two unmarked cars. He didn't go. He thought about it. And he goes, okay, if you saw him, I won't go. Sure enough, the next day I woke up, he gave me 50 bucks. He's like, dog, how the fuck did you know?

Because I'm telling you, I fucking know. They got raided? They didn't know in those days. The cops would go early, and they'd park like two blocks away because they're fucking lazy. Right. You know, if you're going to raid somebody, stay the fuck away from there all goddamn day. Yeah. Then come in at night.

Don't fucking lurk all day. We know. Second Goodfellas, they were following them all fucking day with a helicopter. Just bust them, cocks day. Yeah. Then come in at night. Don't fucking lurk all day. We know. Second Goodfellas, they were following them all fucking day with a helicopter. Just bust them, cocksucker. Yeah. Well, they want to terrorize you before they get you. Well, they want to see what, they want to see how you respond. Well, if you're cracked out, you're going to go to try to get rid of something.

Or you're going to go to try to hide something. And they got your phone tapped. They got everything. So they put a cop car in front of your house to see where you react. To see how your reaction would be for the day. And then you start cleaning the house. You know, you call people, get everything out of your house, whatever the fuck

it is, and then they come in and, you know. But it's a different world out there now. So I don't know nothing about that fucking world now. Yeah, it's a different world. And I don't want to know. Because now they'll shoot you just for being there. And that is, you know...

It's a different world in terms of law enforcement, too. People are getting out of jail like that now. And they still won't drop my warrant in fucking Seattle. You can't even get arrested in Seattle for what you did.

You wouldn't even have a record. You cannot... Fuck. You could hit somebody with a stick and be out that afternoon. Yeah. You wouldn't have a record in Seattle. Dog,. You can hit somebody with a stick and be out that afternoon. Yeah. You wouldn't have a record in Seattle.

Dog, I'm still going back and forth with these motherfuckers. That's why I looked before. So you still can't get your passport? No. I just sent them the last thing. If you get a passport and we go overseas, when we do gigs overseas, you will get a passport. Yes. We will do this.

When you do this, we're going to have to fucking fly in a day early. We're going to make it. Because I don't know if you do this, we're going to have to fucking fly in a day early. We're going to make it, because I don't know if you're even going to be able to get in over there. It might be a hard time once you land. Where? Anywhere. UK, anywhere. Dog. Canada's a big one. Canada's rough. Canada's not going to take me. We're not going to go to Canada. And I love

Canadians. I got nothing against Canadians, but it's the way the country works. They won't let... The nicest guy we know has got a DUI and he can't get into Canada. But, that you could pay a tax. Like Snoop Dogg. So you're telling me

Snoop Dogg can't play Canada? There's a tax you could pay, a little heavy, and then you get out. It's like everybody else. We could all settle this with an envelope. Well,

they get an envelope anyway. When you do a gig in Canada, they get a big tax envelope. You get that in the UK too. Dog. You do a gig in Canada, they get a big tax envelope. You get that in the U.K. too. You do a gig in the U.K., you're paying. Let me tell you something. Before 9-11, I was going up to Toronto two times a year, okay? I had all these criminal charges, no warrants or anything.

My friend from the Miami Improv dated a girl from Buffalo, and he called her father to pick me up at the Buffalo airport, take me to his house, and then cross me over the border. Before 9-11, there was a casino they'd go to. And you just drove in. Right. And there was no ID, no nothing. And he would drive me to Toronto.

He would drive me to Ontario, and I'd take the bus to Toronto and do the two weeks and then come back. But on the way back, and I'd take the bus to Toronto and do the two weeks and then come back. But on the way back, I would come on the bus. I would drive those motherfuckers crazy, dog. When I'd give them my license, they'd start looking at me, and they'd go, when did you come in here? And I'd go, last week.

You were the guy that was working. They would say, no, I wasn't. I would have never let you come through. Well, you're letting me the fuck out now. Because of your record? Yeah, they would hold me for like come through. Well, you're letting me the fuck out now. Because of your record? Yeah, they would hold me for like 10 minutes. Like, how did you get into this country? I'm like, on fucking bus.

You guys let me in last week. No, it was a mistake. We could have never let you in. Dog, I would fuck with them all the time. I tried to do that cute shit during 9-11. They yanked me right the fuck out of there. We're not taking this shit. But to answer your question from before,

my plan is this. I'm doing 10 spots. Okay, I'm up to number three. When I do my 10 spots, I'm going to decide what I want to do. I'm not going to travel no more. I'm not going to get on fucking planes. That was brutal last night.

That was brutal. Three and a half hours on a flight for me, I can't do that. Really? Yeah. I'm good for like an hour and a half hours on a flight for me, I can't do that. Really? Yeah. I'm good for like an hour and a half. I went to Nashville on JSX, the private plane, the semi-private, 30 people on, tremendous. I recommend that to anybody if you don't like terminals.

I fucking loved it. But they don't fly to Austin yet. They fly to Dallas, then you have to connect to Austin. My plan is this. Start doing some sets at the stand. Start going over and seeing Chris Mazzilli at the Gotham Comedy Club. Do a couple of those.

And when I feel like I got 45 minutes, I'm going to take a residency somewhere. Where do you think you're going to go? AC or Parks Casino. Where's Parks? Philadelphia. Hmm. I have no problems in Philadelphia.

Philadelphia's great. Nobody's going to ever walk out of my show in philadelphia no they're fun yeah nobody will ever walk out of my shows in philadelphia insulted no nobody will get their feelings hurt if i say a joke that you know i'm on the spectrum somebody's not gonna cry after the show and say that their nephew's on the spectrum and the show hurt their feelings. Philly, that's never going to happen. Animals. Animals. And Atlantic City.

Animals. That's never going to happen. Same people. Animals. Same people. South Jersey. That's where I belong. Yeah.

That's where I belong. Yeah, you could easily do a residency. I would love to tell you I'm going to put a tuxedo on and go to Vegas, sing a couple songs, and then talk and do an hour of material. I would love to tell you that. You don't want to fly. No.

I get it. Do you think you'd ever live anywhere other than Jersey? Yes. Because if you lived in Vegas, you could do a residency there. We're not fucking crazy here. That's a tough, tough state to retire to in Jersey. You know what I'm saying? It's not cheap, bro.

Jersey's not cheap. It's not fucking cheap, bro. Jersey's expensive. And that's why everybody from Jersey flies to fucking Florida. I like to lean towards Nashville. Nashville's nice. Outside of Nashville, get something. Bro, right now you can pick up a house. Nashville's nice. Outside of Nashville, like get like, you know, something.

Bro, right now you can pick up a house in Nashville for nothing. The ones I saw over the holidays, brand new. Not much, Joe. You know,

because it's going to be just a spare house. It's just a property to retire in. Right. If I turn 65, you know how much money I'll save

by having a Tennessee address? By living in Tennessee? A lot. They don't tax your pension. Yeah. They don't tax much, man. I've read about Dubai. See if this is true.

Dubai, there's no tax. There's no income tax. None at all. They just have so much money, they're like, I need your money. Don't worry about it. Next year. And everything's clean. My friend Will went over there.

He moved over there. He said, he goes, I don't want to get shot in America. He goes, I could live like and be completely safe in Dubai. UAE does not levy income tax on individuals. However, it levies a 5% value-added tax on purchases of goods and services levied at each stage of the supply chain and ultimately borne by the end consumer. That's not. Yeah, but that's OK.

If you know what that is. That's a big difference between that and income tax. Income tax is weird because you don't get any say in where it goes. And when you see what's going on with Ukraine, you see what's going on with Israel. You see what's going on with all the different shit that the Biden administration spends money on. All the money they're giving to illegal immigrants that are coming into the country. All the money they're giving

for programs that are ridiculous. That's your money. And you don't have anything to say. You can't argue about it. There's not competition. There's not a better company that's going to come along and take care of the taxes in a better way, more efficient. There's no incentive to do it better.

Just fuck you. Give me the money. We're not giving Ukraine any more money, right? We're giving them a lot more money. Yeah. That was one of the things that they were arguing about, that they have to do both. They wanted the Ukraine budget to be lumped into the border-fixing budget. Joey, it's wild that border

it's a wild thing it's a wild thing there that boredom with abbott is doing down there telling those to step off and and i met abbott a few times he's a good man i like that guy a lot you know, sending the buses filled with immigrants to the sanctuary cities is such a crazy move. Like, fuck you. You take care of them. You're just letting them in. Your policies are letting them in. You're encouraging people to go there because you're a sanctuary city.

Good, we'll help you out. We'll help you out. We'll bring them right to you. And now the same politicians that were running on this platform, this mystery, it's a fantasy platform. This is a fantasy. Like, come here. We'll accept you all. And let's say they govern now.

She's like, that's enough. No more. You can't come here. Go somewhere else. Go somewhere else. What does that mean? Go where? They're already here.

There's too many. There's millions. You guys have let millions in. There's more illegal immigrants over the last few years than are legal residents in like five states. If you put together like Idaho, Wyoming, you know, like them weird states with low populations, what's the number of illegal immigrants that have entered into this country over the last four years? Let's guess. What do you think it is?

Millions. Yeah. 100%. Millions. 10 million? Maybe 12. Maybe 12. What do you think it is, James?

I saw those fucking lines. They don't even know, by the way. They're just guessing. They're just guessing. They're just guessing. They're not counting them all. I don't know how to find that number even. Just try to Google it. No, I get way. They're just guessing. They're just guessing. They're just guessing. They're not counting them all. I don't know how to find that number even. Just try to Google it.

No, I get it. I've tried this before. You can't. I don't know how to differentiate illegal versus legal. And they don't really tell you either. They have to figure it out themselves. You're allowed to cross. But they're trying to make everybody legal.

That's part of the hustle. The hustle is make everybody documented. See, when I typed in illegal immigrants entering U.S. 2023, this is what it says. It says there's arrivals of migrants without prior authorization, which I guess that, I don't know if that's even illegal. You know, I don't know. So in one year, arrival of ports of entry migrants, but that's ports of entry. That's not like coming in through the border.

Right. That's, I don't know. Coming in through the border. That's like doing a I don't know. Coming in through the border. That's like doing a homeless count. Right. How do you really know? Why don't you Google this? How many illegal immigrants sneak through the border?

Just Google that. How would you know that? I don't know. Google it. How many illegal immigrants? But just do it in my language. Do it. How many illegal immigrants sneak through the border?

Write that. Sneak? Sne sneak through the border? Write that. Sneak? Sneak. Sneak. Sneak through the border. Let's see what's up. Record numbers. Okay, this is real recent.

December 24th. Click on that. What's it say? It said something like 50,000, but I don't know. It still is like. How many per day? I don't know. 50,000. No, it can't be that much, is it?

That's crazy. I'm not even seeing that number now. What does it say? Okay. Before I opened the box. Oh, whatever. There was a number. There it goes.

Okay. In just the last five days, Border Patrol processed nearly 50,000... Whoa. Five days. Who entered the U.S. illegally, with daily apprehension surpassing 10,000 thrice, up from the 6,400 average last month. According to federal data obtained by CBS News, roughly 1,500 immigrants are being processed each day at official border crossings under the Biden

program powered by a phone app. But that's not sneaking across. That's why I was like, that's not answering the question you asked. But they are. It says entering the U.S. illegally. But they're processed. Right. So it's not sneaking. Right, but they still made it across illegally. They entered in illegally.

That's just what I'm saying. I'm saying sneaking in, but that's really what it is They're processing anybody, but they're just letting him go. This is what's crazy. They're processing you but it's a bullshit They don't they don't so you have to go back. There's no going back you go in they give you a phone They give you money a phone. Yeah some places they're giving people phones And so if it's let's say if it's go back, it's past 10,000, it's past 10,000 thrice. So let's just say it's 50,000.

So 10,000 a day. If it's 10,000 a day, daily, that's the high end. Let's assume that they're not counting them all. And a lot of them sneak through. 10,000, that's 3,650,000 a year? That's a lot. Now, how am I supposed to, you know, when I read

all this shit, and I hear all this shit, how am I supposed to feel? If it really is 10,000 a day, that is fucking bananas. But think about it. How am I supposed to feel? I'm an immigrant. How am I supposed to feel? I gotta hear this shit all day long, and I feel terrible about this shit. I would do it.

But do you see the lines of the people that are fucking coming through? It's nuts. And, you know, listen. I don't know if a lot of people know this shit. Sanitation, police, all this shit in New York, there's no overtime. Mm-hmm. Because all that budget has gone to the migrants. Yeah.

And the migrants are not happy. No. They're losing their fucking minds. Well, they thought they were going to the migrants. Yeah. And the migrants are not happy. No. They're losing their fucking minds. Well, they thought they were going to get jobs. Yeah. They were told they were going to get jobs. They're trying to start families. There's nothing there for them.

Now they're homeless. Why do we come out here to be homeless? The sanctuary cities? Now, I don't even know. New York City is a sanctuary city? Yes. Okay. Whoever made that didn't check with the people.

No. You know what I'm saying? Whoever said, we're a sanctuary city in New York City, didn't check with the people in No. You know what I'm saying? Like whoever said we're in sanctuary city in New York City didn't check with the people in the community. Well, you know what it is. It's just letting everybody know you're not racist. You're not racist. You have no problem with immigrants. We're not racist.

We're not, of course. We're not racist, but I see that my friend who's got two children that depends on overtime from the sanitation department can't get it. He's a supervisor. He lost thousands in fucking salaries. Because it's all going to this. To the migrant face. And cops, no overtime. So this is what this is doing.

And this just isn't New York. It's got to be in all the big cities. Chicago has a big problem with it. Texas, Houston. And what comes from this? You don't know. Again, we're going back to the Marielle thing. I don't know who the fuck is coming in.

Yeah. I don't know if they raped 22 women. I don't know if they raped 22 boys. Yeah. I don't know if they're perfect fucking citizens. Right. We don't know these things. We don't know.

So, you know, this was just something. Listen, when I think of politics, I don't get involved, Joe Rogan, because it scares me. Listen, when I think of politics, I don't get involved, Joe Rogan, because it scares me. The only thing that doesn't scare me is how a man, how a man could have 20,000 indictments and still lead the presidential fucking in our country. This is why America's America. How can fucking somebody have 92 fucking indictments? He's in New York yelling yesterday. Yeah. But he still has 50% of the fucking country on lockdown.

Right? Isn't that like he's beating Nikki Haley and the other guy. Well, because it appears that they're prosecuting him for political purposes. Yes, they are. I mean, I'm not a political guy. And I'm telling you, they just keep fucking throwing things at this poor guy. They're throwing things at him also that don't make sense. Like we talked about the Mar-a-Lago thing a bunch of times where they tried to say that he overvalued Mar-a-Lago. They just keep fucking throwing things at this poor guy. They're throwing things at him also that don't make sense.

Like we talked about the Mar-a-Lago thing a bunch of times where they tried to say that he overvalued Mar-a-Lago and the judge said it's worth $18 million. Nobody thinks that. Nobody thinks that. There's not a fucking human alive that thinks that place is only worth $18 million. Did you see who raised his hand this week? Who? Sammy the Bull. What did he say?

Talking about fucking Trump. He's great. We can never corrupt him. The mafia can never- The Italians love Trump. Who? The Italians. They love Trump. He's uncorruptible.

He was saying it the other day. I'm sitting there scratching my head going, fucking Sammy's a savage. He's a savage. Yeah, this is a strange time because there's people that are trying to paint everybody that's supporting Trump as being a white supremacist or a racist or an anti-immigration person or anti-human rights person. You want to vote in a dictator. They're trying to say the most ridiculous versions of what most of it is. Because what most of it is is people that are fed up. They're fed up with the open border they're fed up with the increasing government scrutiny on things like social media

they're fed up with the influence that big companies have over the things you do and don't do in this country they're fed up with us being in these fucking wars constantly being involved in wars and they know that trump was one of the few guys that when he was in office, we didn't get into more wars. We didn't. He actually, they did do a great job of stopping ISIS. They did a lot of things with the economy that seemed to have been working. I'm not an economist.

I'm not the guy to have this conversation with. If you want to talk about policies and what's effective, what's not effective, I'll tell you what's not effective, what's going on right now. What's going on right now is not good. And you want to continue this, and what's effective, what's not effective, I'll tell you what's not effective. What's going on right now. What's going on right now is not good. And you want to continue this, you're out of your fucking mind. You look at the just sheer raw numbers of dollars that we sent to other countries this year.

That you have to realize that if you wanted the country to be better, you would have spent that money here. On us. And if you spent that money on us and it stays in America, you got American jobs to make American cities better. You could have done a fucking substantial amount of rebuilding American cities with $170 billion. There's so much they could have done that could have elevated so many lives, and they didn't do

anything just talking about it buffalo yeah cleveland pittsburgh yeah all these cities up north new york and all that they need a boost up there they need something man cleveland needs a boost i went to pittsburgh last year after the pandemic half the fucking town was closed brother yeah places had closed down i'm like, come on. Something close, like a good restaurant closed down. How can they close down? Think about the impact

of you can't have any business for three years. No business. It's over. I mean, Tony Hinchcliffe's dad lost his restaurant.

Tony Hinchcliffe's dad had a restaurant in Youngstown, Ohio for like 25 fucking years. And he couldn't, you know, he was getting by. He was getting by.

He was doing well, getting by, making money, good restaurant. Like real Italian food fucking goes under. You know, it's like, God damn it. You know, you didn't even give people the option of what they wanted to do. And you were wrong. And no one is punished for it. They were wrong.

They shouldn't have had us locked down for that long. They were wrong. None of that shit made sense. All that six footfoot social distancing. Fauci now admits it's all bullshit. They just came up with that number. People just started saying that number. Remember those stupid stickers on the ground at the bank?

You had a sticker. You weren't allowed to, like, stand here. And then the other person has to say six feet in front of you, and you stand there. You're not allowed to get close. It's all nonsense. It was all nonsense. And they scared the fuck out of people and they kept businesses closed and they closed restaurants in Los Angeles. They closed outdoor dining just because of the optics

of it because COVID started to surge. There was no evidence at all that it was causing outdoor transmission and they closed those fucking things down. They shouldn't be allowed to have that kind of power over whether or not you can make a living and the choices that you make because they are just human beings too. And not only are they often uninformed, they're often misinformed. They're often absolutely victims of some sort of corporate propaganda that they've been used as a mouthpiece to promote. And they're affecting these people that have worked their whole lives for 20, 30 years. And it's such a selfish, shitty, fucked up way to run a city and a selfish, shitty, fucked up way to run a country.

And you didn't listen to all the experts and you didn't take into consideration people's health, mental health from losing their jobs. How many people would have been fine? How many people need this fucking medicine that you're trying to push on? And how many don't? And who's making the money off of it? The whole thing was insane. And it was right in front of your face. Because we live in 2024 and the fucking internet is everywhere.

You can't run these giant scams like this where you're just fucking over the whole country without everybody just being able to piece it together at the end of the scam and go well now we know how they do it look at they all were working in cahoots together they were literally paying media companies to shame people that were anti-vaccine the government was involved in censoring social media posts. Wild shit, Joey. Wild shit. So for people to go through all that and lose their business and be on the other side, and then Trump comes along and he's like, that's enough. You can't just label all those people as white supremacists. You can't label all those fucking people as hateful bigots because that's not what it is they don't want any more of this they're tired of this nonsense that you're shoving down people's faces they're tired of it

so that doesn't mean that they're evil and this narrative is stupid this narrative that that everyone on the other side that disagrees with you doesn't see the fundamental problems the way things are being run right now. Everyone is hateful. Everyone supports a dictator. You guys are out of your fucking minds. And then we got Cuba. And they're dying of starvation

still. What are they doing now that Castro's dead? Is his son running it? Who's running Cuba? They're not having elections. They should bring back the mob. That's when it was running smooth. Don't even have a fucking paper. That's when it was running smooth.

Shit, man. They used to love going. People used to love going to Cuba. It used to be the place to go. They had gambling there. They would go and gamble. Famous people used to go to Cuba. Before the revolution, right?

Kennedy. What's the guy's name you introduced me to today? He owns a company, really nice, sweet guy. Oh, Brigham from Wastewill? Yeah. Me and him had a tremendous conversation because he went. He went to Cuba and he had to get a visa as a student or something. And he was blown the fuck away.

But he was more blown away about going into those palaces and those casinos. And they still have pictures of the people sitting where you were, you know, Sinatra and fucking Brando and Rock Hudson and all these, you know. We don't even know. We don't even know how, like, how many planes would go down every day with fucking people from here. It was amazing. I'll tell you one thing. You ask a Cuban in Miami who they're voting for, you're gonna

get a red wave, son. You want to talk about people that vote Republican. You want to talk about people that don't want to hear no bullshit about socialism. Shut the fuck up. Cubans will yell at you. If you want to talk that nonsense woke hippie shit about Marxism, they will fucking yell at you.

Dog, that is not the type of shit to talk about those people. Oh, those people have actually felt it. They escaped it. On the other hand, I'm sitting there, Joe, and they're talking about Trump on some CNN or something. And I had to stop and go, I could just imagine what Cubans in Miami are saying in Spanish. It is fucking hilarious. You know, they love Trump. They love Trump. and go, I could just imagine what Cubans in Miami are saying in Spanish. It is fucking hilarious. You know, they love Trump.

They love Trump. Because I just spoke to like a cousin of mine, and he's like, trompe la pinga. You know, and I'm like, oh my God. They love Republicans. They love Trump. And I could just imagine them going, Oye, en que país, en que país, un tipo que lo están vigilando con toda la pinga esta, For a Cuban, they fucking love that shit.

What I just said was, what other country? Caballero, tell me. What other country can you have 30 indictments and still be fucking president of the United States? Yeah, that's it. It's only one. I mean, maybe there's another country. If you don't give me that fucking can, I'm going to stab you soon.

Why? Open it, because you keep... Are you trying to open it? No, no, no. Oh, my God. I'm like... No, my God. I can open it like that.

Okay. I'm like, what the fuck? No, I'm just playing with it. Sorry. You're not struggling with it. Oh, that's hilarious. Now, what is that? No, no, no.

It's nicotine pouch. They good? Oh, yeah, they're good. You want one? What flavor? This is a spearmint. Am I going to fucking get dizzy? No, you'll get a little excited.

Check this. Put that motherfucker between your cheek and gum. That's six milligrams. You can handle it. Oh, no. Take it in. Take it in the side. There you go.

Let's go, Joey. Woo, right? Like, right away. You're like, Jesus. Yeah, the whole presidential election, the thing that scares me is if the Democrats stay in power and Biden stays in power, if you have the same administration, we're headed in the same exact direction as we are right now. And if Trump gets into office, then people are going to freak the fuck out. And then there's probably going to be riots. There's probably the fuck out. And there's probably going to be riots. There's probably going to be some craziness.

There's probably going to be violence. There's probably going to be organized stuff, too. There's probably going to be nefarious groups that organize people to start civil unrest. That's a real thing. You know, whatever those groups are, whoever you want to call them, that's a real thing. Whether it's Antifa, whatever you want to say. Groups of human beings that will purposely start civil unrest in order to push a narrative about a political movement, that the people are tired of Trump, they're hateful.

You know what Jim Brewer has a fucking great bit about the Women's March? He goes, remember when Trump was in office in the Women's March? The Women's March, he goes, yeah when Trump was in office in the Women's March? The Women's March, he goes, yeah, you knew who a woman was then. Isn't that a great joke? That's only 2016. 2016, he gets in the office. There's this giant Women's March.

And now no one can tell you what a woman is. If you had a giant Women's March today, it'd be half guys. And you can't say shit. There's your sisters. And then they'll hold an an election the men will win because they're more aggressive then you got a man running a women's organization who says he's a woman it's a crazy fucking world you ever see this video there's this lady in chicago and um uh this guy is trying to use the women's room and she's going in there with her daughter and this guy has a full beard just a full beard and she's going in there with her daughter. And this guy has a full beard, just a full beard.

And she's yelling at him. She's like, you are a whole man. And he's like, I am a woman. And like big, deep breath, deep voice, big husky guy with a fucking beard. It's like, what the fuck, man? Like, what the fuck? Is this really, is this being kind? Is that what this is? Is this really is this is this? Being kind is that what this is? Is this being open-minded and compassionate or is this?

Opening the door to fucking psychopaths. This is it. Yeah, click this look at this This size that dude? Don't you see my daughter right here? Is she crazy or what? No, no, no, no. You need to go over there for a minute. You need to go over there for a minute. I'm only here in Chicago. You is a man. A whole grown man.

A whole grown man. For the last time, I'm not mad. I'm sorry. I don't know what. When you see this guy, this guy's a big dude. Yeah, he is. With a beard. On my first go. Okay, I'm going to go.

Good luck. Good luck. Good luck. Hey man, use another bathroom. with a woman. What's the matter? What's the matter? I need to mind your business. I need to mind your business. So that's a real thing. Now, the people that want to deny that that's a real thing, you're doing a disservice for everyone. You're doing a disservice to all the innocent women that have to go into those bathrooms and don't feel safe. And you're doing a disservice to all the innocent women that have to go into those bathrooms and don't feel safe. And you're doing a disservice to real trans people. There's a, there's gonna be a bunch of people that game your system. And there's gonna be a bunch of perverts with fucking beards who

want to go where the little girls are shitting. People are out of their minds. There's a certain percentage of people that are out of their fucking minds. It doesn't mean that all trans people are bad. It doesn't mean that all trans people are out of their minds. It means that you have to know what's crazy and what's not. And that's fucking crazy. That's crazy. That's a mentally ill person with a fucking beard trying to get into a bathroom when a mother and her daughter are in there. That's crazy. I'm crazy the cops weren't called well, it's Chicago right and what happens if the cops come now

What happens in that situation if the cops come there was no assault that was in San Francisco. They might arrest that lady They might arrest her for being a bigot who fucking knows knows, man? It's Narnia out there. It's a fantasy world. People have lost their fucking mind. And I think it's engineered. I think that China has been TikTok-ing these fucking people into a coma. I think all those little videos where, you know, trans awareness and, you know, and maybe you're trans and there are no genders. And then psychos like that guy

now think that the culture has moved to the point where they can kind of get away with it. Maybe the culture has changed their opinion on things. I think I can get away with this. I think I can wear my full beard with my dick out and go around women. And there's going to be guys like that, just like there's real trans people. There's gonna be guys that are crazy, that take advantage of this thing that I think has been at least partially engineered by other

countries. I think the algorithm supporting that and pushing that out to people, people are super easily influenced, man, super easily influenced. And if you make it this thing where you just have to accept everything that happens to be trans, everything is fine as long as you call it trans. Well, then what about perverts? Don't you think perverts are going to game that system? This is a Willy Wonka golden ticket for perverts. That's what it is.

Wasn't there a fucking TED talk a couple couple years ago about some chick saying that we need pedophiles? I'm looking through comments on this saying that this video we just watched is satire. Really? Yeah, I've seen other videos like this where there are people that, I don't know who they are, but there are groups of people that will make videos like this that make them seem real

and then post them on Facebook and Instagram. God, that lady's a great actress. I'm not saying it is, but I'm looking at a lot of comments on TikTok saying this is staged, this is fake. Well, they might be right. But that lady, if that's true, that lady's a fucking great actress. Because that lady really did seem like someone who was very flustered and was trying to protect her daughter.

Yes, she was. And if it is satire and you use that daughter, that girl was a really good actress too because she looked like a girl would respond if a fucking grown man was trying to get in the bathroom and her mother was fighting with this grown man. Like, she was frozen. So if that's true, if that is fake, they're really good actors. I'll tell you when I knew the world was going crazy. Weight Watchers is offering fucking those shots.

Those epic shots? Yeah. Yeah, well, there's a lot of money in those shots, Joey Diaz. I don't know if you know that. No, I didn't. Oh, yeah. Do you know that those weight loss drug shots, like these peptides, it's one of the biggest weight loss markets that's ever existed,

that gets emerged. they're everywhere now everywhere like what are the how much how many people are on ozempic and wego v and all these other like what's the numbers glp1 yeah agonists or whatever they are that's not a free ride either brian simpson tried that shit and got wrecked. He's one of the few people, like a certain percentage of people, they do it, they have a bad side effect, and he was one of those. Terrible gastrointestinal pain. Like he was in agony. Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had to quit it right away. One database that has. I'm still a little apprehensive after the vaccine. Yeah. Because, you know, it was just another thing that just popped up. Yeah. If I'd been talking about it for a few years, I would have jumped on it.

But it just popped up. Well, some people, Brigham supports it. Brigham says it's like for people that want to lose weight, it is one of the only ways where you can like kind of guarantee that they can lose weight. kind of guarantee that they can lose weight. But, you know, there's the argument about that a lot of people are losing muscle mass and they're losing bone mass along with the weight. He's saying, yeah, but that's because they're not doing it right. And they should also do it with peptides. And he said they should do it with resistance training.

Well, the guy I really know that he even talked to me about it. He goes, Joey, consider it. So look at this. It says 1.7% of people in the U.S. have been prescribed a semi-glutide medication in 2023, up 40-fold over the past five years. So it was, I mean, I never

even heard of it before 2022. No. Okay. So that's then. So 1.7% now. So somewhere around, somewhere in the neighborhood of 2 million people are on it in this country.

No, my friend said if you do it correctly. He goes, what happened was doctors prescribed it to you and nobody did the fucking research on it. So they did the wrong dose?

I work out with a guy, Joe, for the life, Tom, this motherfucker. He's very smart, like you. Very, like this is his thing. And I asked him once, because he asked me, he goes, have you ever considered it? I go, I don't know. Do you recommend it? And he goes, let me tell you something.

If you do it correctly, it'll work. He goes, I read into a bunch of studies. But he goes, what they don't tell you is you have to change your eating. You have to eat the protein first on your dish. Because you're going to get too full by the time you get to your carbs. So he goes, people were eating it and eating salad. And that's why they were losing the muscle mass and everything. That makes sense.

Because you've got to double your protein intake. Now, like a bodybuilder needs 150 to 180 grams of fucking protein a day. Sure, I could squeeze out 100 if I'm lucky, buddy. Eggs are 7 grams each, right? Three eggs for breakfast, no

steak. You know, I'll eat all that shit later. But how do you do 150 fucking grams a day of protein? All I eat is meat. That's five fucking meals. That's five 30 gram meals. I'm sure I get close to that. So that's what he was saying, that people were not doing it right.

It works 80% better with resistance training. I'm sure. 80% better. I'm sure. Okay. Well, you're essentially, what it does is it kills your, um, your desire to eat, right? It kills your appetite, right? So you eat less, right? It's basically doing the same thing as if you had a controlled diet and you decided that you were

going to eat less when you're going into starvation mode. So you're burning off more calories than your body consumes. Your body's going to start eating its tissue. You're going to, you're burning off more calories than your body consumes. Your body's going to start eating its tissue. You're going to eat some muscle mass. You're going to eat some – because you're just not doing – but if you did do it with peptides and you did do it with weightlifting, I would imagine you probably – I mean, I imagine a lot of that 35% they're talking about is like people didn't do anything. I bet a lot of people just took the shots, especially if they're overweight already. And drinking alcohol. They don't have a healthy lifestyle. They can't be deserving of shit, no.

Yeah, but I do know that some people get side effects, and that was Brian. Brian got one of the bad side effects. They're pretty common. Enough people get them. It's something you have to consider. I called you about the peptide, and then you turned me on. Thank you again for the stem cells today.

Yeah, I hope they help your knee, man. I didn't pass out. Good, beautiful. I didn't faint. I had to leave you in the room. I knew. No, I wish you would have. They were saying Joey's freaking out about needles.

No, no, no. I wish you would have came in and talked to me a little bit. The nurses were great. They're great. Ways to Well is awesome. Listen, bro. I love that place. I could tell you, and I even told her to her face.

I go, I'd love to tell you I felt a needle. Wow. Well, they're really good. They're really good. I love to tell you I felt a needle. I didn't even feel it. I put my iPod on. And they just shoved it in there.

Beautiful. Then I did the fucking IV. They have people blackout all the time. They see the needle, they go. Dog, he was talking about GSP. He was talking about GSP-sc was talking about GSP scanning needles. That's hilarious. Isn't that funny, that guy?

I'm telling you that it is the weirdest fear that you could ever fucking have. GSP is so interesting because he's such a man that he's not afraid at all to tell you what he's afraid of. You know what I'm saying? He doesn't put on any— No. There's no bluster. There's no bullshit. What he is is what he is dog. I had my friend's parent when I was a kid I brought a snake into his house. This guy was a fucking iron worker

That tough his nails drinking Irish This guy was in the wall in the corner saying to me Joey I beg you get that out of my house, and I kept busting his balls come on Are you really scared of this little garter snake dog? to me, Joey, I beg you, get that out of my house. And I kept busting his balls. Come on. Are you really scared of this little? It was a little garter snake, dog. I mean, he was ready to climb into a fucking corner there. That's a real thing. That's phobias.

Ophidia phobia. Dog, the best one I was telling her, but I didn't tell her the truth. I told the nurse about a different story, but when I went to prison, you have to do a physical. So here I am in prison, you know, like, you got to fucking hold your own. I go in there, they put me at a desk, and I'm like, Lord, don't let me pass out. Not today. Because I will wake up, these brothers will yank me, dog.

Do not pass out. And Joe, I fucking kept it together. I went back into the holding track. What up, what up, what up? Yeah, you know, we did. Next thing you know, I fucking put the arm down. I took the cotton ball off and there was a red dot on blood and I fucking fainted.

I have thousands of them. I never told anybody the truth of how I ripped my meniscus. Let me tell you how I ripped my meniscus. I was at acupuncture, and I was like this. On that. Because at that time, she didn't lay me down. She sat me down.

Mm-hmm. And I was like this, and she started sticking needles into me, and I fainted. And the chair, I buckled, and I just fell off the chair onto the floor. Oh, no. I tore my meniscus at acupuncture. Who does that? Dog, I have a thousand. You know, my wife had to stop.

When she was my girlfriend, she would send me down to get a blood test. I wouldn't go. I wouldn't go. And I would be petrified. Of needles. Petrified. I used to date a girl, and when she saw someone getting a needle in a movie, she would faint. Bro, I fainted in Pulp Fiction.

When they stuck the needle in the heart, I was on a date in Boulder, and all of a sudden the girl's putting Raisinets in my mouth and shit, saying, I think you passed out. I did fucking pass out. She was trying to revive you with Raisinets. With Raisinets. She didn't know.

She said, I just passed back. Come on, guys. I got 10. And it's always hit and miss. Lately, the last 10 years, I've been very good, except for a couple IVs in my hand that didn't work. But beside that, I've been very good. Two, three months ago, I did the PRP on my knee. They took six tubes of blood out.

That was no bueno for Papa. You know my boy Tommy? Tommy, Tommy Jr.? Yeah. Yeah, Tommy just fell asleep behind the wheel. Shoveling snow all day. Shoveling his car out of the snow. He's driving, and he's got DAS cam footage.

He just falls asleep. Hits a fucking wall. Is he okay? Yeah, he's banged up. He's banged up. He's got some injuries. But is he falling asleep? He just doesn't know what happened. He's banged up. He's got some injuries. Is he falling asleep? He just doesn't know what happened.

He just blacked out. He's blacked out driving from exertion. If you're a guy who's out of shape, snow is heavy, right? Especially if it's melting a little bit and you've got to do your whole driveway. That's a workout, man. That's a workout. It's not healthy for you. It's not good after 50. Well, it's not good if you're not in shape. It's great if you're in shape. It's a workout, man. That's a workout. It's not healthy for you. It's not good after 50.

Well, it's not good if you're not in shape. It's great if you're in shape. It's a really good workout. Like, you could get a, like, I could put a fucking chest strap on and set an app for a workout and shovel in snow. Oh, yeah. And it's a real workout. We used to shovel snow when I was a kid.

That was a great way to make money. I shoveled fucking snow when I was an adult. For money? When I was 19, I shoveled snow in Aspen. It would knock on people's doors. No, the guy just, I was part of the building crew. I was 15 an hour, and you went out there, whatever hours you wanted. It was work your own hours.

It was fucking fantastic. I loved it. I was also casing out joints, you know, because that's where all the drug dealers live. So I was shoveling and casing. Yeah, when I was a kid, would make a ton of ton of money now You can't get a kid to come out now in Jersey Nothing nobody knocks on my door. I was out there last week. It was understood in the neighborhood That's how people would make money

So like the moment like it would start snowing people would be showing up at people's houses Asked them if they wanted to get shoveled out That was second. I used to go on the roads and push motherfuckers. That's a quick 20. Oh, yeah. You push a motherfucker out of a hole, he'll do anything for you, seriously. Oh, yeah, there's always people stuck, too. Pushing and then shoveling them out.

They got stuck fucking putting rocks off there. The thing is about, like, real cold places like that, people will fucking help you because they know you could die. Like, if you see a highway and some guy's, it's snowing and some guy's over to the side of the road and his hood's up, let's pick this guy up.

Like it's a dangerous thing to do, but a lot of people do it there. A lot of people do it. They'll pick people up in the snow. I would. Hey, listen, man. I just was told when I moved to Jersey to be careful when I shovel.

A lot of people drop fucking shoveling snow. You get off a heart attack. It's real work. But is it because of the cold weather? Well, the weather's cold, but I don't think that's fucking you up. I think it's just the exertion. It's a lot of working out. Let's say you have a 100-yard driveway.

Yeah, you're done. That's crazy. That's crazy. Let's say it's 20 yards. Let's say that's a lot to shovel if it's wet if it's melting a lot let's say that every shovel full is 40 pounds okay if you're doing every shovel full 40 pounds for reps so you're essentially doing this for reps and then carrying it. You're doing 500 reps?

That's a lot. For example, after only two minutes of snow shoveling, study participants' heart rates exceeded 85% of maximal heart rate, which is a level more commonly expected during intense aerobic exercise testing. The impact is hardest on those people who are least fit. Duh. And that's, unfortunately, my boy Tommy. So he just fucking...

And just blacked out behind the wheel. Yeah, I just snowed. It snowed two weeks ago. I got a two-car driveway. I shoveled it with my wife. My daughter came out and threw some fucking salt. I did the stairs. We didn't touch the sidewalk

because nobody walks on them. If you're fit, you should look at it as your workout. Dude, that's a workout. Get out there and fucking get after it. Do it like a workout. Bro. Jamie, young Jamie, can I ask you for a favor? Can you show Joe the people shoveling Buffalo Stadium last weekend?

That was fucking work. And they pay you $20 an hour, they feed you, and they give you two tickets for the game. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's not a bad deal. Fuck, you should have seen.

If you're a kid, that's a good deal. You get to see the game. Bro, there were no kids out there. It was a bunch of fat dudes like me out there fucking laying back. You just wanted tickets? Yeah. Let me see what that looks like, James. Oh, my God.

Look at this. Look at this. Look at the stuff. Wow. They're pushing all that snow down the chute. That's crazy. They couldn't get it out. They just let... You could pick your seat when they did the game on Sunday.

So did they play in that snow? No. They would have. They would have. How would they know where the lines are? They come out after every play and blow off the lines. Oh, my God. That's hilarious.

They only blow off the lines, so my God, that's hilarious. They only blow off the lines so you're running through snow? What's like the heaviest snow they've ever played in? I'll show you. Look at that. That is crazy. And it's Buffalo. That's crazy. You know, there's something very

American about that. That you have to play in the snow. I mean, that is the game, right? Because baseball, they're like, oh, it's over, folks. It's raining out. Can't have these players get wet. Not this. Why don't they play baseball in the rain?

Play it in the fucking rain. What are you doing? Play the game in the rain. Who gives a shit? Nope. It's a rain day. We called it for the fucking rain. What are you doing? Play the game in the rain. Who gives a shit? Nope. It's a rain day. We called it for rain. Fuck.

Meanwhile, it's snowing. Last week. It's zero degrees and those guys are playing football. Last week in Kansas City was the coldest football game of all time. How cold was it? Young Jamie. It was nine outside. I think the wind chill was minus three.

There was motherfuckers with no t-shirts on. I guess like 60 people went to the hospital. Audience members? 69 people needed help from the fire department. Yeah. Do you know one of the dudes that survived the Titanic, he was in the water for two hours. I think he was a chef. And the story was that he got drunk before he went in the water.

He just got hammered because he before he went in the water. He just got hammered because he knew he was going to die. And somehow or another, because he was drunk, he survived. See if you can find that. I was reading this. I was like, how does that make sense? How a baker survived the Titanic sinking by getting really drunk. God damn it.

I have bonkers, These motherfuckers. Do, do, do. There we go. Okay. So can you go back up so I could read? So it says Charles, how do you say that? Johin. How do you say that, Jamie?

Johin. Johin was one of the disaster's most unlikely survivors, and he did it thanks to industrial amounts of liquor. So this dude got super duper hammered before he went in the water and somehow or another it helped him survive uh it was an almost physiologically impossible feat of survival and according to the british titanic inquiry is because the 33 yearold Englishman had the presence of mind to greet history's greatest maritime disaster by getting smashed.

He knew he was dying. He knew he was dying, so he just decided to get fucked up, but he survived. In survival situations, having all that warm blood away from the vital organs means that the drinker

is at a greater risk of hypothermia. However, Canadian hypothermia expert Gordon Geisbrecht figures in the minus two degrees Celsius temperature of the North Atlantic, the water was cold enough to quickly tighten Johin's

blood vessels and cancel out any effects of the alcohol. So then, at low to moderate doses of alcohol cold will win out says Geich Bracht the University of Manitoba professor has performed hundreds of cold water immersion studies with Johan would have had however is the awesome life-saving power of liquid courage alcohol remains a leading cause of humans getting into fatal situations, including freezing to death.

Nevertheless, the relaxing qualities of the drug have long been known to give humans an uncanny ability to survive trauma. This reminded me of the story of the lady that passed out in the snow, and her friends found her the next day, and they brought her in, and she was still alive. Yeah, they're saying

right here, in the ER, cold patients who are really drunk can walk in, and they're conscious at a temperature, they're saying right here, in the ER, cold patients who are really drunk can walk in and they're conscious at a temperature that they shouldn't be. So being drunk keeps you alive. Keep scrolling down a little more. That's it? No, no, no.

His actions might speak to a man unfazed by impending disaster. Immediately upon hearing the collision with an iceberg, the chief baker leapt out of his bunk and began dispatching his staff to stock the lifeboats with bread and biscuits. This done, he popped back into his cabin for a drink before heading topside to help load lifeboats.

Not only did Joaquin, however I say his name, Joaquin, refuse his own place on a boat, but he and a... There's no men like that today. But he and a few other men began forcibly chuckling... chucking reluctant women into empty seats, likely saving their lives.

He said, we threw them in. He testified later. Top deck of the increasingly listing Titanic was mostly cleared of lifeboats by 1.30 a.m. To most, this was a panic-inducing sign that all hopes of rescue was gone but to uh whatever his name is it was a cue to head back to his cabin for another drink so this dude's just getting fucked up he sat down on his bunk and nursed it along aware but not particularly caring

that the water now rippled through the cabin doorway wrote historian Walter Lord in A Night to Remember. Lord was in touch with the dude before the Baker's 1956 death. He said the dude then splashed topside again, where he took upon himself to begin throwing deck chairs overboard with an eye to filling the water with impromptu flotation devices so that people could float around on the chairs. His perch, he then worked his way back to the pantry to get a drink of water. The baker was standing on the stern when the ship broke in half, and yet he remembered the violent, catastrophic breakup

only as a great list over to port. There was no great shock or anything, he told the inquirer, so he was just hammered. Deafly moving through the swarms of people, he made it to the stern rail of the ship Exactly 2.20am He rode the sinking Titanic Into the sea like an elevator

Woo! As with all surviving Titanic crew members 2.20am on April 15, 1912 Was also the exact moment In which the White Star Line Stopped paying him Oh boy The first stage of cold water immersion Is known as cold shock to the exact moment in which the white star line stopped paying him. Oh, boy.

The first stage of cold water immersion is known as cold shock, horrifying sensation of having the skin cool, the feelings with the Titanic's second officer, Charles Lightowler, described as being like a thousand knives being driven into one's body. So how did this dude survive? What did he float around on for two hours let's say I was just paddling and treading water for two hours oh my god Leo couldn't do that then in the movie? Just sunk in the water after two minutes. But Leo wasn't hammered, and he gave up.

This dude didn't give up. He paddled water for hours. I guess it took a couple hours for them to get someone to get to them. Yeah, after two hours. Which is pretty impressive that they got to them in two hours. Boy, I'm eventually old. In 19 what? What was this like?

19 or somewhere around there. I don't know the exact. 1912? I don't like? 19 or somewhere around there. I don't know the exact. 1912? I don't know. The early 1900s. So the fact they got to them in two hours is pretty amazing. 1919. Oh, no.

107th. Yeah, okay. So. 12. Yeah. 1912. Wow. Let me go tinkle real quick.

Yeah, I'll go too. We'll be right back. Yeah. 1912. Wow. Let me go tinkle real quick. Yeah, I'll go too. We'll be right back. Yeah, so she fell out of an airplane, and she landed on an anthill. How big was that fucking anthill? And it was fire ants? Yeah, this one here doesn't say that. It was a 1999 47-year-old woman joan murray altitude of 14 500 feet second parachute also failed to deploy oh my god crashed into a fire ant mound at more than 80

miles an hour oh my god immediately started attacking her body which kept her alive because of the adrenaline oh Oh, my God. And then she still survived. She was in a coma for two weeks, had operations, but she's still alive, I think. Jesus. I wonder if the... Did they slow her down at all, the parachutes? 80 miles an hour is pretty fucking fast. Jesus.

Yeah, I don't know what terminal velocity is if you don't have one, but. Fuck parachutes, bro. Huh? Fuck parachutes. I'd like to try it one day. I could set it up. Really? You have the guy here?

Oh, yeah. I got guys. Hi. I don't know. I don't do it. You wouldn't even consider it? No. For a rush.

You might not be able to. You might be too big. Too big, yeah. Yeah. I think there's a number. Like a guy was just telling us the other day on Kill Tony that he had to lose weight. I think was it for parachuting? Yeah.

I think there's a number. There has to be a number. Yeah. I don't think you'd be like above 220 or something like that. No, I don't think a parachute would hold up. No. And you have to have someone on your back, too. The first time you do it, there's a person that's got to do it with you.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. Fuck that, Joey Diaz. Fuck that. I'm sure it's exciting. I don't need that in my life. My life is exciting enough. This is Travis Pastrana.

This is a long time ago. It's an X Games promo. Did he go into the net? No. So he is like the crazy, crazy guy. Jumps without, does all sorts of stuff, motocross. But I don't know if you just noticed, he jumped out without a parachute. Yeah. He's got nothing there.

And he threw his can away. Except the Red Bull. But the Red Bull can is going to hit someone in the fucking head and kill him. I think it was empty. Yeah. If it's coming from space, bro, that Red Bull can't fuck you up. So someone has to grab him. Yeah, he ends up.

It looks like that's all they did is just put his legs around him. Well, no, they gave him a parachute. No, he's just strapped. He just got locked onto that guy. Oh. And they go all the way down, and he's barely attached. Oh, my God. That's so nuts.

I'm sure it's exciting, but fuck that. Right? Come on, Joe. Every once in a while you got to do something out of your comfort range. Yeah. Like today I went and got, you know, I would have never dreamed of that shit, but it makes you a better person. You got to do little shit like that.

I guess. I don't know if you have to do that. That's not a little shit. Jumping out of a fucking plane with no parachute, that's not a little thing. I mean, you got to fucking get a rise out of something after a while. I think that's a big thing. I would advise you not doing that one. No, no, no, no.

But, you know, you got to try shit. I get it. You know, I still remember going to Colorado when I was 19. And people go, do you want to go skiing? And I go, fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

I'll never ski. Skiing, this, that. You break your legs. Until I got up there, Joe. I was so lonely. On Christmas Day, I go, fuck it. Let me go get some skis and go up there. Really?

And it would change my life. And ever since that, I'm like, you know, every once in a while, listen, it's not going to work out. It's not like I can ski now in no fucking way. But at least I got to do it. The thing about skiing is everybody tries to go on harder courses than you can control. You have to really learn how to...

Dog, you got to live there. Or you got to go to every... It's like anything else. You want to get good at stand-up, you got to show up and do the dance. You got to do jiu-jitsu, whatever. Weightlifting, whatever. It's the same thing. Well, also, there's a lot of people that try skiing that don't do the dance. You gotta go to jiu-jitsu, whatever. Weightlifting, whatever. It's the same thing. Well, also, there's a lot of people that try skiing that don't do anything else. No, and the

worst thing is when people say to me, I'm going skiing, they haven't done anything. Yeah. They haven't done anything. First of all, you go to Aspen, I used to be a fucking security fucking driver up there, okay? I'd see the people that would come in, the amount of alcohol, the amount of shit. Let me tell you what happens.

After one day of skiing, if you're not skiing consistently, bro, you use muscles you haven't used before. I don't care how many squats you do and kettlebells. Let's go skiing. Just three times down a medium hill. The next day you'll go, fuck, this hurts in here. My hamstrings hurt. Different things hurt. They use different fucking muscles.

For sure. When you ski. So people go up there. Dog, that's not a, different things hurt. They use different fucking muscles when you ski. So people go up there, you gotta prepare for that shit. But I lived in Snowmass, so it was like going to a summer camp. I got to ski every day. Whether it was two runs before work or three runs after work.

So you get good, you get used to it. The falls become easier, next thing you know you're up there with no winter jacket. I don't need no fucking winter jacket. This will do. A hooded sweatshirt. It's great. Do you ski without a helmet?

There wasn't even helmets for skiing when I was skiing. This is 50 fucking years ago. You went up there, you know, and then it was just something that I never thought I would do, like whitewater rafting. That shit is great up there. You go down from Aspen all the way down to Glenwood Springs and shit. I loved all that crazy stuff. But I don't like camping because you can't wash your pussy. I'm not going to sit with you in a tent for four days with a stinky asshole.

That ain't an adventure for me. If you want to go camping, I'm like a white camper. I want a shower. I want a restaurant. You know what I'm saying? There's something on the location. And there's those things. But I always wanted to bungee jump one time or something.

Something out of a plane. Just something. Nothing have to be, you know, I've jumped off a cliff into water, you know, 20 feet, whatever. But just for somebody to say you could jump off that cliff in Hawaii and land and you got 100 feet under you, nothing's going to happen to you. I'd fucking try it. You can if you fuck up. You land wrong. I know someone who landed on their ass.

They landed on their ass instead of straight and they fucked their back up. No, you land wrong. I know someone who landed on their ass. They landed on their ass instead of straight, and they fucked their back up. No, you're done. You're done. But that's funny what you said before about somebody throwing a can up in the sky. Yeah. It's going to kill somebody. That Red Bull can, that's 15,000 feet in the air. Dog, I almost got arrested when I was like 10 for almost killing a dude in Puerto Rico.

I went to Puerto Rico, and my parents, my mom and the other parents left us alone and went out. And we started throwing fucking ice off the balcony and shit. And we kept on throwing it and throwing it. And next thing you know,

I heard an ambulance and fucking cops were knocking on all the doors and they fucking, they knew it was us. The guy was on the floor fucking out, guy. With a little fucking ice cube

from the sixth floor. Hmm. Yeah. Sixth floor, ice cube hit you in the head. Sixth fucking floor. That'll fracture your fucking skull. Man, I used to do so many crazy things like that, Joe. When I was on 88th Street, when I was like six or seven, I would play with these kids.

There was a 205 West 88th Street was on the corner. Then there was a parking garage. It's still there. And I would play in there with the kids and then when I would get a little bit of anxiety I would go up to my apartment, to my bedroom, and my mother used to have the 45s from the

record player at the bar and she would give me the ones she'd take out and I'd go by the window and I'd just throw them out. And they would come out like boomerangs and come down and you'd hear, hey! Stop that! And I'd just throw like 50 of them out. And then you hear like the kids going, hey, fuck you. They didn't know it was me.

And then I would come back. What happened? Some motherfucker up there is throwing fucking things at me. One day I hit a kid with a thing, but he just fell down for a few minutes. Another time, there was a place when I was growing up in North Bergen called Duratest. They just made light bulbs. But they made the long fluorescent ones. You know how many times I hit in the head with those?

We would jump in their dumpster and take all the fluorescent bulbs out and light bulbs and just hit each other with it. That dust that comes out of a fucking fluorescent light bulb in the 70s. Oh, my God. So we would have those light bulb wars all the time. And then we started having them from the roofs, and people would throw light bulbs up at us, and we would throw light bulbs back.

And I would put the light bulbs on the floor, and we'd call them spears, you know, and we'd throw the fucking long fluorescent lights at them. One day I picked up a light bulb, I didn't know I picked up a rock with that motherfucker. And I just drew it at the kid. And all of a sudden the kid's looking right at me, and I saw that rock just go, and he just went

backwards. Now this was a pervert kid, his name was Ali, him and his brother, like we were 10 or 12, and him and his brother were going to hookah houses, his father would take him. Oh my God. In the city, when he was like 10, 11, he would come back and tell us, they washed our dick. It was tremendous. I hit that kid in the head so hard with that rock without knowing.

It wasn't no malice intended. But when I got down there, the lump had gone up off his head like one of those fights when the guy has a lump of tumor. And it had like a little pimple with blood in it. It was already filled up, though. And it had ice on his head i felt so bad i was giggling inside but you feel fucking bad when you do that shit his dad took him to a brothel when he was 10 every weekend they were cuban the ali brothers juan and carlos ali juan was the brains of the operation carlos was a little bit on the slow brother he was like the lenny of the squiggy. How crazy is that?

Taking a 10-year-old to a brothel. Boy, they were going every weekend into the city. Sixth grade, seventh grade. Jesus Christ. And telling us about all the stories on fucking Mondays. Oh my God. Bro, we grew up with some

pieces of work. Not these kids growing up today where people didn't do anything with them. You know, I look at my daughter and her little friends. It's not going to be good for them. It's going to be weird. That's for sure. It's not going to be good for them. It's going to be weird.

It's going to be a completely different world. I try to. But, you know, you try to. You're an artist and you talk to them and shit. Yeah. And that's the best you could do. But the world they're going to grow up in is completely different than our fucking world. Completely different.

You know, and it's so weird that I had a shitty childhood family-wise, but everything else was fucking aces with me, bro. I laughed my ass off. I had a great time. These kids, they don't, you know. One of the kids we took to the city for Jingle Bells told me, I never came to New York City before. She had never seen a cab before.

Wow. Never saw a cab before. It's only an hour away. Hour away. 55 fucking minutes, you know? Different world. Jersey's a completely different world. People have this idea that New Jersey's like real similar to New York,

like the Bronx or something like that. New Jersey's very rural. Very rural. There's a lot of spots. Let's have young Jamie check it. Jamie, where's the most horses in the United States? Equestrian state. If that's New Jersey, that's nuts.

That's fucking crazy. Listen, bro, Jersey has Newark, Bayonne, Amboy. Don't get me wrong. You'll get fucking killed in Newark. Camden. Camden, Pensauken. Yep. You know, Jersey has Newark, Bayonne, Amboy. Don't get me wrong. You'll get fucking killed in Newark. Camden. Camden, Pensauken. Yep. You know, Jersey City's getting bad.

North Bergen's not all good. You know, they just had a couple murders in Hoboken. It's not New York City, per se. Right. But it has cities. Action still fucking happens. Yeah, there's cities. But it's a lot bigger than people think it is.

What's that? New Jersey. Bro, I'm in shock. I'm in shock how big it is. I never fucking knew that. People think it's real little. You drive through it real quick and next thing you know you're in Philadelphia. No, that's only one way. If you look at the entirety

of the state and how much of it is actual rural, you know, New Jersey has the most horses per capita. Ten horses per 1,000 people. What did I tell you? Wow. Dog, if you thought I knew that, I think it was Kentucky.

You know what also they have? What? The highest population of black bears. Who? New Jersey. New Jersey, yeah, but that's up north, dog. And they don't fuck around up there. The bears?

Yeah. They're down south, too. I haven't heard of them. They're near Rutgers. One of the students from Rutgers got killed by a bear. My daughter said she saw a bear one day and we were driving, a little bear. Yeah. Who knows?

Oh, they're there, Joey. Far Rockaway. There's videos of them in Far Rockaway fighting on the street. It's crazy. These giant bears. They're so big and they're fighting over like garbage cans they're knocking each other over they topple down into a fucking uh mailbox they're out into the street this guy's sitting in his car filming these like 400 pound bears going to war with each other

in the middle of a like a crowded suburb cars are stopped you ever seen this? No. Find that video. That video's fucking bananas. Because you're looking at these giant predators that are fighting each other over territory in the middle of people's cities. And these people aren't freaking out. They've just decided. And this is like before they stopped the bear hunt. When the new governor got into place, one of the things he was running on was he was going to stop bear hunting. And he got in and he did. He stopped bear hunting. And they restarted

it. Yeah, they restarted it. After a couple years they're like, okay. The population got out of control for a while. It was already out of control. You don't know what the fuck you're doing. Like, look at these two. Joe, I mean, this is someone's fucking yard. Look at the size of these fuckers. And they're just duking it out in front of a

mailbox while this guy's car is parked. I mean, this is nuts, man. Fighting over a female. Fighting over a female. Look at all the fur they're pulling off of each other. I mean, that's in New Jersey. You know, that's not Montana.

That's New Jersey. That's crazy, bro. New Jersey has the highest numbers of black bear per capita. Are they bad? They're not good. It's not good. Not good to have that many of them. It kills everything.

They'll kill small dogs. They'll kill your deer population. They'll kill a lot of the things that you like. They're going to cannibalize each other for sure if they get to certain numbers. They already do that. The males already kill cubs. They're monsters. They're going to cannibalize each other for sure if they get to certain numbers. They already do that. The males already kill cubs. They're monsters. They're fucking monsters.

They're not teddy bears. I mean, they're cool. It's nice that they exist. I wouldn't want to eradicate them, but you have to keep them in control. Now, do you know that I'm closer to Philly than I am to Atlantic City? I'm 44 minutes from Philly. Yeah. And I'm an hour five.

Nah, an hour. You should do a residency in Philly. No. That's the move. Yeah. That'm 44 minutes from Philly. Yeah. And I'm an hour five. Nah, an hour. You should do a residency in Philly. No. That's the move. Yeah. That's the move. I love Philly. Philly's awesome.

Bro, I go to basketball games. I go to baseball games there in Philly. I had a fucking great time. Yeah, you could just do a couple days a week in Philly if you wanted to. Last time I went to Philly, I went with a bunch of kids and their parents. And I look over in Philadelphia, and I swear to God, again, there's no hate from me. I see two guys swapping spit in the chair. I didn't say a word.

I go, I wonder how long this is going to last. Bro, they don't play in Philly. They say shit to you. What were they saying to these guys? Not good things. Get the fuck out of the seats. There's kids around here. Oh, wow.

Nasty motherfuckers. This one black dude was going off. Wow. Off, you know. Another time I saw, I went to a game. I don't know what I saw. And they just don't play in Philly. That's a bold move to do that in a sports. Philadelphia is a little fucking rough, bro. I remember one time I did a play in Philly. That's a bold move to do that in a sports.

Philadelphia is a little fucking rough, bro. I remember one time I did a show in Philly. I didn't even go in. When I finished, I just jumped into the audience. There was no sense of going in the back because they weren't going to have it. They were going to kick that door down. There was no sense in me going in the back. They weren't going to be.

I just jumped down to the audience. They caught me, and it was just do whatever you need to the back. They weren't going to be. I just jumped onto the audience. They caught me. And it was just do whatever you need to do. You guys are fucking great. Yeah. Philly's a fun city. It was always a good place to go through. Always a good place for pool, too.

Think about the things that come out of Philly. A lot of boxers. A lot of pool players. It was always good pool halls in Philly. They still have a lot of them. Yeah, Fusco still has a place. Jimmy Fusco. Was it Jimmy or Pete?

But one of those guys who was a top-level pool player had a place in, let's see if I can find it, F-U-S-C-O's pool hall. I know I played there with, I'm pretty sure I played there with Tommy with Tommy bro he took me to the cop I know from Newark took me to a place one night to see worse and Jackie Gleason used to do comedy there really fuck yeah it's still there some bar it's like fucking they renovated Here, Fusco's the spot. Yeah. Which Fusco owns that? Does it say? Jimmy Fusco died.

Okay, scroll up. It said he died 2017. Yeah. But great, great fucking old school pool hall. Real pool hall. It's just how crazy that area, how much, you know, it's like I finally watched the show because I read a book and then I said, let me watch this show.

Boardwalk Empire. I don't know if you ever watched that, whatever. I watched a little bit of it. It's good. Very interesting. Yeah. Because very interesting. It went, it took the history of Atlantic City and then the last two seasons, it touched on the Hague's. And the Hague's were like fucking huge.

And that's where I went for my surgery one time when I was a kid. Margaret Hague, no, no, no, no. That's who you gave birth to kids. I went to Christ Hospital. Margaret Hague was a hospital in Jersey City and they were all related. So I just followed that and I just started reading

all that Philadelphia shit. Like, there's a town by me called Highland. Highland, New Jersey. They just built a ferry to take you from Highland to New York City. That's where fucking Vito Genovese lived. I didn't know this shit. Like, all those towns have a rich fucking history

of just everything. Pool, you know, gangsters, fucking food. The fucking food down in Jersey now is fucking tremendous, Joe. Yeah, it's a different kind of food. That East Coast Italian food, that's different. But everybody has a different type of East Coast. Like if you go to El Nido, they got the nice chicken, they got the pasta, the steaks, and that's that place.

I go to another place, I just. They got the pasta, the steaks, and that's that place. I go to another place. I just go there for the fucking, I go to Osteria just for the, what do you like? The beans with the grass, the lettuce. Paso azul? The other one. Escarole and beans. Oh, okay. Dog.

There's times I work out and I just go straight there. Yeah? Water with lemon and a bowl of escarole soup with beans. And they put little bits of fucking prosciutto in there or that ham or something. Oh, my God, Joe. I don't even need the fucking sauce and the spaghetti no more. I'm on to a different. And my neighbor, out of all those restaurants, bro, they're all great.

But my neighbor, Jody Puma, probably outc they're all great, but my neighbor Jody Puma probably outcooks all those motherfuckers. Really? Yeah, Jody Puma's the baddest motherfucker I know. She don't cook much because she works in the city. I got to go over there and torture her. Say, Jody, what the fuck? I'm in the mood for bolognese or something.

Off the chain, bro. Off the chain, you know? There used to be a lot of good places near White Plains. And then you went to that sandwich place. He gave you a shout out the other day. Oh, yeah, Jean our deli Yeah, that place is great That sandwich was fucking huge. I can't eat those no more Joe. You can eat it once you do is you just don't eat anything That day I can't Wet moose I love wet moose. Yeah, you got to give it a fucking bra. Oh my god. Can't eat that

There's a place that gets, a place I go to, the same, Osteria, when they bring the wet muts, you just put black pepper on it. Jesus Christ, Joe. A little bit of olive oil. Me and Vic went one time, and we got that.

A little salt. We were like, oh my God. The cheese tastes so good. But that shit I used to eat, like prosciutto on mozzarella with a fucking, I can't do that no more. No? Too much of a sandwich, man. Well, what have you done when you've tried to manipulate your diet?

I know you did Weight Watchers for a while, and you lost a bunch of weight. But then, have you ever tried different kinds of diets? Have you ever tried, like, keto or low-carb? I would do the keto, but I can't eat that much meat in a day. Like, this morning I got three pieces of bacon I ate, too. You know, something. What about eggs? Do you eat eggs?

Yeah, like a motherfucker. Well, if, you know, if you wanted to try something that would help you lose weight, just eliminate all the sugar and bread. Just eliminate all that stuff. Just eat only things that are either like vegetables or meat. Just only that. I've been working a lot on fasting. Yeah?

It took me a while. How long do you do? I could eat at 7 and then not eat lunch until 4. I'm down to two meals a day and a protein shake. That's what I'm down to right now. I don't eat. That lunch was huge. When your plate came, I was like,

I hope that's not my fucking plate. I hope, even though those ribs look fucking killer. They're good. Tremendous. I can't do it no more. I could get like an eight ounce, ten ounce steak. Now that's the most meat I could eat at night. Today I had turkey and the brisket.

It was fucking delicious. I ate avocado toast for breakfast. Three eggs, avocado toast, and a fruit bowl. That's my breakfast talk. That's good. That's a good start. That's a good way to get going. In my world, that's great.

Where I come from? Yeah. Six eggs, white bread, a stick of butter and a pack of bacon and then an hour after that, go to McDonald's before 11.

Yeah. That's a, I'd say that's a big fucking change, my friend. Yeah, it's a big change. It's a big change.

The big one is if you can just cut the bullshit out instead of the avocado toast. Dude, go with something else. Just cut that bread out. That'll help you a lot. I like avocado. I'll eat avocado without the bread. Good. of the avocado toast to go with something else just cut that bread out i don't that'll help you a lot i like avocado without the bread good eat the avocado the avocado is great

for you but it's just bread is just never good not good and that's why i said now they're making these sandwiches bro and jersey they're like this it's a fucking animal wet much chicken cutlet yep you know something else and you know, something else. And, you know, Joe, I can't. Smash it together and you can barely get your mouth around it. And that fucking semolina bread, I'll stab three motherfuckers for that. That shit is good. And that's the one thing, those Staten Island motherfuckers

did not help my area. Because they brought some serious food into Jersey. And I mean serious. There's a deli in Staten Island called Raw Crown. Joe Rogan, their chocolate bread. When people, the lady brings it up. Thank God they're not in my fucking name.

Chocolate bread? Chocolate Italian bread. What is that? What I just said. It's Italian bread with little pieces of chocolate in it. All through the bread. And then they have prosciutto bread, and they have mozzarella bread,

and they have... Wow. Dog, my neighbor, one night I was in the basement getting high by myself, and I'm like, man, I could eat something. And something made me go outside, and I saw a loaf of bread. And I go, what the fuck is this?

I brought it and said, Joey, a chocolate bread from Staten Island. My mother brought it for you. I brought it in the house. I took a bite of that motherfucker. Holy shit. She goes, did you like it? I go, did I fucking like it?

It was fucking tremendous. Chocolate bread, prosciutto bread. Oh, my God. Look at that. Look at this shit, Joe. That looks so good. And listen, I do it. I eat one piece.

But you're supposed to get that, cut it, and then put it in the oven, and then put a nice piece of chocolate. Yeah, that's me. Look at that motherfucker. Italian bread with chocolate in it. So you want to tell me how hard it is to be me? I'm getting nervous just hearing that. You want to tell me how hard it is to be me?

And you're supposed to cut it and put butter on it. I just cut a piece and eat it and give the rest to my daughter and my wife. I got to get out of here. I would eat that whole motherfucker for sure. Dog. Yeah. Dog. When you walk into Royal Crown, they have a section just for mortadella.

What they could do with mortadella. That's when you know you have a problem. Then they just move down the line. If you want capicola, everything is to kill you. But it's fucking delicious. But it's fucking delicious. Yeah, they don't have any of that out here. Like that kind of an Italian deli.

Yet. Not enough Italian, yeah. You know, if those guys from GNR Deli opened up a shop out here, they'd fucking kill it. They made those same sandwiches out here. And they import a lot of their shit from Italy anyway. But look at Rao's just opened in Vegas. What is that? Rao's just opened

in Vegas. Rao's? Like the famous restaurant from New York, Rao's. R-A-O-S. They have one in LA. Yeah, you could do it in Vegas, for sure. But they opened up in Vegas. People are spreading out. They did. They they opened up in Vegas. People are spreading out, so that's good. They just opened up a Peter Luger's in Vegas.

Yes, yes. That's what it was. I'm sorry. It was Peter Luger. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a big deal. That place is the shit.

If I'm ever in Brooklyn, I'm eating at Peter Luger's. I always go. That place rules. Last time I went, I went with Ari. Called a four o'clock fucking dinner reservation. Let's do it. Let's do it. That place rules. Last time I went, I went with Ari. Oh. Called a four o'clock fucking dinner reservation. Yeah. Let's do it. Let's do it.

That place is great. They got a bad review in like the New York Times or something like that. And me and Ari had just gone there. And we were like, what the fuck are they talking about? It was fantastic. It was so good. The steak comes over. It's crackling.

The butter's dripping all over it it's cut all over for you you take a slice of it you're like it's perfect it's the perfect steak and you're getting the smell from the plate

the plate's coming out of the oven where they finish it and you're just like ahhh don't touch the plate it's hot okay it's fucking amazing

amazing that place rules and it's right there it's easy to get there I'd rather go there than go to the city there's a video like a documentary on how they pick their cattle and how they there's like a victor Documentary on steak and the Peter Luger part is like a big part of it Because these people are trying to figure out why the fuck are these steaks so good like people from other countries

We're coming to study how Peter Luger's making their steaks Yeah to study how Peter Luger's making their steaks. Yeah. That fucking place is tremendous. So they take you through the entire step, like how much they age it, what they do, and you go to how they treat it. So they get it down to the size and they trim it. I mean, they've been doing this shit for 100 years.

Peter Luger's is from the 1800s, I think. When did that place open? Who showed us that they had a credit card from Peter Luger's is from the 1800s, I think. When did that place open? Who showed us that they had a credit card from Peter Luger? I don't know. Somebody we hung out. They're dead. See, look, they just put salt on it. That's it.

And they get it in one of those broilers. So they have those broilers where the flame is above the steak. So it's not like direct heat on the steak where the fat is dripping down. You get flare-ups. No, the flame is above the steak and then they flip it and then they slice it up and then they put it on a plate and then once they slice it up and put it on a plate then they put it in the oven and they finish it in the oven and oh my goodness dude see they do it like that. They put it on a plate, finish dirt, motherfucker. And when they pull that bitch out, it's just...

So that's her right now, setting it up. Then they bring it out to these people. Look at that. They put the drippings on there. Come on, son. Come on. Sensational. Should we get out of here?

You done? No, no. I was just looking at my daughter sent me a picture. I fucking sledding Is it snowing in Jersey right now fuck six in the morning when I woke up this morning I already had a notice that they closed school school was supposed to be a half day But it started snowing at 6 in the fucking morning, and they went it's still snowing, bro I love snow days when I was a kid. They were the best. That's when you hustled. That's when we made money. You made money, but also

you get to stay home. You look out the window, you're like, fuck yeah. No school. I ain't doing that term paper tonight and shit. Yeah, get the fuck away from me. Because they wouldn't, now they tell you the day before. You do it online. Now you'd have to do your homework online. These kids, they tell you the day before. There's no action. Now you'd have to do your homework online. These kids, they tell you the day before. There's no action.

With us, we had to wait until like 1130. Then you got a call from somebody. Hey, my dad just said they're going to cancel school. So fuck that term paper. Those are the best when you get a call from people. Dude, school's canceled. Fuck, yes. How do you know?

Because my dad just told me to fucking die. You got to take people's word for it. There was times where we thought school was canceled. It wasn't. Like, are they fucking serious? And then you feel like for sure they're going to cancel. Look at the snow. They're going to cancel.

And the snow stops. And the school's still on. Like, you mother. Yeah, but there was a lot of days when we grew up where it snowed, but they didn't give a fuck. They were going to school. It had to be bad. It had to be bad. Now, they just get the threat of snow

and yeah it's quite canceled you wake up the next day and there's an inch and you're like what the fuck are these people yeah roll that joint in front of the microphone so you can hear it because i can't hear you oh i'm sorry that's all right there you go no so that's the problem that you do you ever roll blunts or do you only roll joints? You know, I got pneumonia last summer. Did you? Yeah, that's why I have a hard time breathing now. How'd you get pneumonia?

Pneumonia? I had no fucking idea. Pneumonia, rather. Pneumonia. Joe, everything was going great. Yeah? What happened? Something?

Oh, I was getting shortness of breath. Fuck. So I went to the doctor. First they told me I had a kidney stone. what happened? Something, oh, I was getting shortness of breath. The fuck? So I went to the doctor. First they told me I had a kidney stone. Then I went and got a scan for the kidney stone. There was no kidney stone. But they saw something else, and they made me go in for a lung X-ray.

And at the lung X-ray is where they fucking, well, like, you got a fucking pneumonia. I didn't know. It took like three weeks to find out. Bro, I couldn't walk to my mailbox, Joe. I'd walk to my mailbox and I'd be huffing and fucking puffing. How'd you get rid of it? The blunts.

No. Oh, the blunts were giving it to you. How many blunts were you smoking? Two. But that's not, I'm not a cigar guy. I'm the only Cuban. I'm looking at your fucking cigar collection. Yeah. Before, and I'm like, I'm not a cigar guy. I'm the only Cuban. I'm looking at your fucking cigar collection before, and I'm like, I'm the only fucking Cuban that has no...

I love a cigar. I like... Ron White gave me these little ones. These are little cigars. So if you don't want to have a whole cigar, you just want a little puff, it's little Monte Cristos. And those are really good, too.

Yeah. Those are good. Oh, yeah, it's good. It's good tobacco. But it's so that you don't have to finish the cigar. You just want a little puff. Those fucking cigars are too big. They get me dizzy. So... It's just a little puff. I don't know. Something

was just bothering me. What else can I be doing? Yeah, that's not good for you. You know, I would love for you to get healthier. And I know at one point in time, like I said, you'd lost a lot of weight. You lost, what did you lose?

I mean, you must have lost close to 80 pounds. Yeah. What'd you lose at one point in time? I started at four something. But there's one time

in the Weight Watchers time where it was pretty quickly. Yeah. It was over like a period of 10 months. Yeah. Everybody was like, look how good Joey looks.

Yeah. And dog, I still look good. Don't get confused, motherfucker. For dog, I still look good. Don't get confused, motherfucker. For 60, I still look fucking good. You've had a hard 60, son. I should have looked like Ozzy Osbourne right now. You've had a rough 60.

I mean, you've had 60. You put some fucking miles on your wheels. It was 60. You know, I didn't know what my life was about until I read that fucking, until I wrote that book. And then I read it it and I was like, I gotta take a breather. Yeah,

you've had an extraordinary life, my friend. And that's why when I moved to Jersey, I said, you know what, man, it's time for me just to chill for a while.

I wanted to get out of the train of thought I had of comedy. That old mentality I had, I wanted to give that a breather. I couldn't get away from it. I couldn't get away from it. So for once, I wanted to start fresh, man.

I looked at it, what I needed to do. No, everybody kept asking me, did you quit comedy? No. No, I'm just taking a fucking breather. There's nothing wrong with taking a breather. Just taking a fucking extended breather. I want to know what the fuck happened the last 40 years. Is that okay?

I started this journey in 1983. And all of a sudden, 2020, I'm at the store with a bunch of fucking killers. I wasn't pre-programmed for this. I was pre-programmed to be in jail by now. What am I doing at the store with a bunch of fucking killers doing comedy? And they're talking to me, and we're laughing. It's not like I didn't earn it. It's not like my mother owned the fucking joint, and she just gave me a spot there.

We earned those things. You know, what the fuck happened? I was a guy that was in prison. They told me it's not going to work out for you. And here we are today. So I had to go process this shit. You know, I had to go process a lot of fucking things. You know, when I was a kid and my mother died, I had to lie to myself, Joe.

That's right in front of you. Joe, right in front of your thing. Now look, look, right in front of you. Right in front of you. Joe, right in front of your thing. Now look, look, right in front of you. Oh shit. Sorry, I got no glasses. No. You know, when I was a kid, I had to lie to myself. Yeah.

When my mother died, I had to say, she's just leaving for a couple years. That's the only way I could deal with it. She's just going away for a couple years. I'll bump into her in a couple years. I'll bump into her in a couple years. When I went back to Jersey, dog, it hit me. Like, I lied to myself all those fucking years.

Yeah, it's just a coping mechanism, right? It was a coping mechanism I used just to soothe my fucking soul. Yeah. I got back to Jersey. I went up to the cemetery one day, and I go, what the fuck is this? She never came back.

And I was, like, pissed about it, like, retarded. Like, she never made a comeback. And I'm like, Joey, what the fuck did you do? You buried yourself in that shit that she was going to, you were going to bump into her one day on Bergen Line Avenue or some shit, you know. Yeah. So that was hard, you know, a lot of things. It's good to take a break off comedy just to really try to figure out

what your actual perspective really is. Listen, bro, I was in an environment that I don't thrive in. I was in an environment with a lot of fake motherfuckers. I was in an environment where I did time. I grew up around people who were very dangerous. The people I was around in L.A. were more dangerous

because I knew where I stand with these other people. With these people in L.A., these agents and you don't know where you stand Yeah, you have no fucking idea Well, you kind of know what they are. You know what they are, you know It's like that's that old Mike Tyson expression. It's okay to have a snake in the room as long as you keep the lights on You know what they are, you know You just have to know who you are and I think you were coming from this place where you almost felt like you didn't belong, you know. And I remember when I first met you.

That was Joey Criminal Days. It was fun, man, because I remember I met you and I was like, oh, finally, there's someone like people that I used to know. Like you were like the first guy that I ran into like, oh, this is like Joey from the pool hall. This is like Joey from the boxing gym. This is like you were like the people that that I ran into like oh this is like Joey from the pool hall this is like Joey from the boxing gym this is like you were like the people that I knew from the east coast the wild people that were fun you know and and you know people didn't like you people were scared of you I was like that guy's great I mean it's kind of funny over the years because I had arguments with agents about you they're, he doesn't have any talent. I'm like, you're out of your fucking mind.

I'm like, you're out of your mind. I go, I know what comedy is and he makes me laugh harder than anybody I've ever seen. So he's wild and crazy. Yeah, that's what you get. That's the kind of person that does that kind of comedy, stupid. You don't even know what you sell. You're out here selling comedy. You don't even know how it's created.

It's created by wild people. you're out here selling comedy you don't even know how it's created it's created by wild people whether it's wild intellectually wild physically they're just a different group of people that are going to create something that's going to make you laugh that hard you know man it was fucking crazy those first couple years there and how people would look at me i remember one day an agent stole a check from me and i said i'm gonna come down and get it when i got there the door was shut and he stuck he stuck the check from me, and I said, I'm going to come down and get it. When I got there, the door was shut, and he stuck the check on the fucking wall and said, don't come in here.

Then 10 years later, he signed me again. I bumped into him at a vet place, and we were talking. He goes, I'll come back. That's funny. I had a hard time there for a long time. Well, you were raw, man. You were a raw dude.

Got to be. You reminded me a lot of my friend Johnny, because Johnny was like because johnny was like you he was like a brilliant guy that struggled with substances brilliant guy johnny was like one of the smartest people i'd ever met he was a pool hustler and so i i didn't know anybody like like just a just a dangerous dude just always doing wild shit and i didn't know anybody like that over here until I met you. And then I met you, I was like, oh, all right.

Because in comedy, we were getting a lot of people that were essentially auditioning for sitcoms. What they wanted to do was figure out a way to transfer what they're doing on stage into a lucrative sitcom. Everybody wanted that. That was the golden ring. Everybody wanted the sitcom. And everybody wanted a development deal. So a lot of guys really only had 10, 15 minutes. And that 15 minutes was just them sort of like setting up their life for a sitcom.

It was almost like they told you where they were from. You know, I was born in Brooklyn, New York. And they were basically like doing an audition for a sitcom on stage. We weren't doing that. We were doing a different thing. We were doing a different thing. We were doing a different thing. We were doing what our idols were doing. We were doing what Pryor did. We were doing what Kinison did.

We were trying to find our path with what we think about the world. I didn't appreciate that when people said you have to present the set on stage that the agents could see a network TV show. What are you talking about? I'm going to tell you something else, too. When I get this residency or when I start kicking with gas with comedy again,

not podcasting no more. How come? Never again. I'm ending this career as a stand-up. But you can do both. I don't want to do both. You don't like it.

I want to end this career as a fucking stand-up. But you are a stand-up. No. All this other shit. No podcast. Ads and all this shit. No ads.

Let's do the last two years. Yeah. Fucking stand-up, motherfuckers. That's why I want to do the residency. That's why. Because I'm ready just to do stand-up. My phone ain't ringing for acting. Listen, you just come here and do podcasts.

My phone. Anytime you get a podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, always. And if you want to stay here and do a residency My phone. Anytime you get a podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, always. And if you want to stay here and do a residency here, you could do that too. Absolutely. I was going to talk to you about it. Maybe come once a month.

100%. Bro, do that little boy room. That room is magic. I heard it's fucking tremendous. It's magic. Jim Florentine loves that room. That room's magic. It's magic.

It's a magic little room. And that room tells you what's real and what sucks. Like the OR. Yeah, just like the OR. Yeah, like the OR. It's like a little bit of the OR and a little bit of the belly room. It's like the belly room had sex with the OR, and it created the little boy. And then the main room had sex with the OR and created the big boy or fat man.

The big room is like a combination of the main room and the OR. It's just intimate enough, but also big enough. Big laughs. What's the main room set? 250. 110. That's it? That's it.

That's why it's fucking tremendous. Oh, it's so good, dude. See, now, a greedy motherfucker would have made that room 400 seats. Like some other club chains and shit. Oh, 400 seats. We got to sell tickets. The whole setup from the very beginning of this club was never to make money. It was always, if I can break even, I'm happy.

I want to make the best environment for developing stand-up comedy for both professionals and for amateurs and the best place for people to see it, where they can see world-class people coming in every weekend. This weekend is Joe DeRosa. He's there tonight and tomorrow. We've had Louis C.K. is the one that helped me design the place. Dave Chappelle came by the first week. We have Shane Gillis there all the time. Ron White's there all the time.

Brian Simpson's there all the time. It's just killer after killer after killer. I see it. Ron White's there all the time. Brian Simpson's there all the time. It's just killer after killer after killer. No, I see it. Killer Tony's there every Monday night. I mean, we got it cooking exactly at the right temperature. It's perfect. The environment is super positive. Everybody's doing really well.

All the door people are doing really well. Everybody's killing it. Now, who's in the main room tonight? Tonight's Joe DeRosa. And who's in the little room? That's a good question, but you could do a set, 100%. They already said if you want to do a set, go on down. Okay, yeah, I'm gonna see what's going on after this.

Yeah, because like a bunch of people stopped by. Tony Hinchcliffe will do a set. He'll stop by and do sets. People are dropping in all the time. Like, Giannis Pompas came up last night. Pauly Shore was there on Tuesday night. Pauly's killing it. Pauly's killing it.

Pauly's killing it. Pauly's loose and silly and having fun now dude he came and he was on the stage in the little boy and he came off stage and I grabbed her I go do that is as funny as I've seen you in a decade I go that was so good and he was like you see me at the store and I'm tense there he goes it's just like because it was such a part of my childhood and you know they kind of pushed him out did you see this little thing yeah oh he's playing Richard Simmons right yeah so they announced He goes, it's just like because it was such a part of my childhood, and they kind of pushed him out. Did you see this little thing?

Yeah. Oh, he's playing Richard Simmons, right? Yeah, so they announced that he's going to be in a full movie, but they also put out at the same time this little short, which is interesting. It's only a minute long. Paul, he's a different dude now. It's cool to see. He's a sweet guy.

He's fun to be around. He is a sweet guy. He's a sweet guy. I check in with him. This came from a meme online. That's hilarious. I know. I just love myself. Every part of myself. And I think I can show you how to get here. Please welcome Richard Zinn!

I think that's it for this. Wow. So it's gonna be a real movie. Yeah. He does look like him. He looks a lot like him. Yeah, he does look like him. And Paulie can fucking act. Paulie can act. I know he's done, like, the silly movies like Encino Man and shit

but you give him an opportunity to do something like that a lot of comics can act. Bro, he's been around this game Forever. 50 fucking years.

Forever. He has it all covered. Yeah. He saw him coming. He's seen what happened to him. It's also he's evolved as a person.

He's like a fun person to be around now. He's very cool. Very cool cool and he's really comfortable at the club he's been at the club a ton of times did a weekend there recently and he was just there Tuesday was that Wednesday doing the little room and the big room he's having a good time man he's like loose now like he did kill Tony on Monday night he sang a song he sang Bad to the Bone. It's fun. Were you there?

Yeah, I was there. I brought Matt Lichtenberg down to Kill Tony so I could check it out. We went to dinner, and then I took him to the club. Monday night special there. That's a special show, man. Harlan Williams was on fire. Oh, my God. Harlan was there last weekend, and he was there for Kill Tony on Monday. He was on fire. He was on fire. Oh my God. Harlan was there last weekend and he was there for Kill Tony on Monday.

He was on fire. He was on fire. It's amazing. It's just the vibe of the club is so fun. I'm really proud of Tony and Red Band for what they did. Dude, they sold out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row. They sold out the H-E-B Center here two nights in a row.

They sold out big arenas. They sell out in Los Angeles. They sold out a 7,000 seat theater in an hour It's crazy. It's crazy. They're killing it They're killing it and that show is different every night every night. You can go to two shows in a row You're not gonna see the same show. It's a totally different show So like you know they can come into a town and do three, four nights. Easy. Easy. Easy.

That's really crazy. The fucking garden. Yeah. The garden. It's amazing. Two nights in a fucking row. I still remember Tony telling me this. Ten years ago.

Eight years ago. That this is what he wanted to do. So, kudos to him, brother. He is the best at hosting that kind of a show nobody better he's the fucking best he's the best ever at it he's so quick and he's such a mean little fuck he's a mean little fuck he's a mean little fuck but he's also super supportive if you're good you know and it's a great platform for stand-up because there's no woke bullshit there's no ideology there's no fucking playing and pandering you got one minute you got one minute one and the currency is funny

what can you be funny in a minute it doesn't matter if you're white or you're black or you're trans or you're gay or you're straight or you're no one gives a fuck are you funny you have one minute and they take everybody anybody out of that fucking hat you can't bribe your way into that hat people have tried i've seen it i've seen people say listen could you get my my banker wants to come tony's like nope nope i don't care who's asking me donald trump could ask me like nope nope that fuck that, that's a holy bucket. That bucket is 100% randos. Dig in there.

Bob Wilson. And Bob Wilson comes out and he had no idea he's coming out. And you see those people and they do one minute. And the band's there and the audience is there. And some of them, that's their first time ever doing stand-up. Could you do a minute? No. Could I could i have never we did three to get into the store yeah i had to do three then ten then she made me yeah but it was three how long did you take for you to get in dog i broke the record yeah how long i got toA. January 29th of 1997,

and I was a regular February 19th, 1997. Wow. That's pretty quick. That's quick. I didn't have to lick nobody's balls or nothing. Stan Hope, I'm going to tell you who referred me, Stan Hope, Mencia, and somebody else. I forget who it was.

And Scott called me, and he goes, I've heard good things about you. I'm going to showcase you, but it's going to be in about six months. And knowing me and my criminal, I go, six months? I don't even know if I'll make this six months. And he goes, okay, you got a showcase. We'll let you know when. Two weeks later, he called me, and he goes,

I got a three-minute spot that opened up. You want to come down tonight? Yeah. Came down there, was petrified of Mitzi. She watched you? First set? First set, watched me. Came off, shook her hand.

Thank you for the opportunity. I thought I was going to pass out. Wow. I thought I was going to pass out. Because in my mind, it was this while I was going back to being a criminal. Well, what she liked about guys like you, though, is that you were raw. Yeah. She liked raw people with talent. That was her favorite thing. She didn't like people when they had already made it. She didn't like, she told

Seinfeld, this place is not for you. Seinfeld was too big already. She's like, nah, this place is not for you. She's a wild lady, man, in that regard. And that's what I do. Whenever I miss her or I think about her, I call Paulie. Whenever I think of Mitzi, I call Paulie. I'm thinking about your mom, brother. It's fun being in the bar downstairs that's named after his mom. So we're in Mitzi's, and there's a photo of Mitzi just like that.

Like that painting that we have in the wall in here. She saved my life, brother. She saved a lot of our lives. I had no chance of being an adult. No chance of ever doing anything with my life. No chance until I walked into that fucking comedy club. Yeah. And she made me a regular. And when I went back the next week, I had 10 minutes,

and she was like, you're a regular calling Monday for spots? Dog, I didn't know what to do. Yeah. But I knew that if I and she was like, you're a regular calling Monday for spots? Dog, I didn't know what to do. Yeah. But I knew that if I kept my nose clean, but I knew I only had like a year or two before something happens. I hit somebody with a chair. Yeah.

Or I steal something. You know, that was my M.O. Yeah. But her putting me in there made me go, okay, you know. And it was me, Holtzman, you. You know, we had some fucking savages there in the beginning. But if you really think about my life, I got all the great things out of my life from the Comedy Store.

Everything. My daughter. Everything. Our friendship. Everything. What didn't I get from the Comedy Store? Well, you had a family there. I got a life, man.

Yeah. It was a very special place for all of us. You know, I look at the pictures at night because they post them on Facebook of the club, We had a family there. I got a life, man. Yeah. It was a very special place for all of us. You know, I look at the pictures at night because they post them on Facebook of the club, the mothership from the night before. Not when they show you fucking momos on stage, but when they show the staff working there. When I see that young staff, I remember the great times we had on New Year's Eve and Christmas. And it was a family. Yeah. Gave a fuck about a Christmas tree when you're a regular at the store. You know what I'm saying? Who wasn't at the store?

And now they close on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. But I still remember having a spot on Christmas Day and going, people are like, what type of animal are you? Fuck, it's a comedy store. We both did spots on Christmas Day. I did them. I always did. Before I had a family, I always did spots on Christmas Day. Dog, I ate a bag of mushrooms once on Thanksgiving and went up there,

and the fucking purple lights had me. I don't know how many sets I did in the original room. But now looking at it, if it wasn't for Mitzi Shaw, because I would have left in six months. And my job was, my goal at that time was if I fail in L.A., I'm driving back. I'm going to make a pit stop. I'm going to stab a few people in Colorado. And then I'm going back to New York to hide.

That was my plan. That was my plan if failure would have came in L.A. And I would have got thrown out of there. Well, I remember when you cracked the code. And you're a guy that I've always said you were the funniest guy in the parking lot and there was something that was missing in translation between you being the funny guy in the parking lot and you being the guy on stage and you just figured it out one day it's like one day you figured it out it was very interesting becoming yourself yeah because you

were like trying to do jokes before you were like trying to do stand-up the way stand-ups do jokes. And something happened. I think it was like a certain level of I don't give a fuck anymore. Like where too many agents had lied to you, too many auditions had fell through, too many this, too many that. And you're like, what am I trying to make these people happy for? And you just were yourself on stage. Like you'd almost like giving up hope of the the

bullshit yeah golden ring yeah yeah you know i never understood writing shit that had nothing to do with you right you got to write shit that's close to your fucking heart and your balls right yeah you want to you want i always wanted to be fucking somebody else sometimes right i wish i wasn't dirty i wish i was a better joke writer. I wish so many things. But what I was doing, a lot of those guys that are straight, traditional stand-up, wish they were doing. That guy that we keep forgetting with the dreadlocks, A.J.

Jamal. J.J. Jamal. A.J. Jamal. That was it. It just popped to me. Let's look him up. Let's see where he's at. Yeah.

That dude was fun. A.J. Jamal. And I remember that dude, he used to bother you because he was so, there he is. He used to bother you that he was so funny clean. He's still on. Wow, he's only got 1,400 followers. That's crazy. What was his last post?

Funny fucking dude, though. And great guy. No, no, no. I mean his last post on Instagram. And great fucking guy. That's not really his? I don't know. I was just looking for something.

Yeah, that's him. This was over two years ago. Oh, wow. Over two years ago. Great guy. Great guy. I didn't like him. No, no, no, no, no.

You were just, it bothered you that he was so clean. That you weren't clean. It made you self-conscious. I remember you used to tell me about that. I hated going on and off with that guy. He would bury me. He would kill and he would be clean. He would bury me.

Him and Dom Herrera made a habit of burying me. And Dom made a habit of rubbing it in my face afterwards. Dom was brutal to me in those days. Yeah, but he was just being Dom. Yeah, no, he was being a fucking great guy. Yeah, he was being funny. Not that I didn't like him. I just thought that how the fuck is somebody this clean and technical?

Right. So fucking good. Sharp. Very technical. He was like, if it was jujitsu, you got to hold under the elbow. He would be right there with that elbow. Not an inch up, not an inch down. Yep.

He just knew his boundaries. And that's what I always wanted to be. Yeah. But I became, after a while, it was what I became in that original room. Yeah, you became yourself. That's what happened. I remember the day, Joey. I remember like one night where you were on stage murdering.

And I was in the back with everybody over by the stairs. And then someone goes, Joey is murdering. And we went into the back. And you were on stage. You were just going. It was some cocaine story. You were going off. And people were dying. No, you had to. They couldn't back and you were on stage you were just going on some cocaine story You were going off and people were dying. No you had to believe what you were saying It was so funny dog. I remember one night. I was on a roll you were back there with a bunch of people

And I said that I used to date a girl and a pussy looked like Eddie Munster's teddy bear Wolfie dog Like when that shit started coming out of me. Yeah, yeah, yeah was I, like, I was so fucking fed up with the fucking, just the bullshit. And number one on stage, you got to be yourself. We were talking about him earlier. He was never really a traditional stand-up. He did all this crazy stuff in his act. And that's Paul Mooney.

Yes. You know, where Bill Hicks, I love Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks had that stand-up-y, but he also threw something in there. Yeah. You know, it just wasn't line set up. Social commentary. Yeah, it wasn't set up bunch line.

So I wanted to be somewhere in between that. That's where I ended up at. I didn't really know. I'm not a good writer, but I have energy. Energy and enthusiasm will kick your fucking ass. Also, you have good points. You know how to call bullshit on something.

Yeah. And that's what people enjoy. You're calling bullshit on something, and you got a lot of energy. So the energy and the enthusiasm, that fucking, that wins, bro. Yeah. You know, I always told you, I don't like going out there

and going out with the towel and going like, hi, how you guys doing? I like to come out and hit them hard just so they know. And you said it best. I like bringing Joe with me

because he goes out there and he fucking cleans the room out of all the bad spirits and that's how you did it with your fingers that day. You go, he just cleans the rooms out. He goes up there and he takes it to the hoop the first five minutes. It either works or it doesn't work.

It either works or it doesn't work. All boundaries get destroyed when you're on stage. Destroyed in the first five minutes because why fuck around with them? No nicky-nacky, let's go. Lenny Clark on Danger Feels Special. He came out throwing heat. Don't come out dilly-dallying in my fucking world. Come out and fucking.

Let's go. You got 10 minutes. I love to slot in the main room. In reality, it's just you on top of a guy. Who's fighting him all night? Strickland? Yeah. He's like when he went off on fucking Adesanya.

That's what it's like. Yeah. You're just fucking hitting them with jokes and they can't take it. And then you step back and you go, oh my God, look what I've done. They're fucking laying there like bodies. Yes. They're laying there. That's-

The greatest. That's better than any dolly you can make. Yeah. That's better than any ball lick you can make. That's better than anything. It's better than everything. It's to see him bodies laid down going, you got to stop.

You got to stop. And then I learned how to stop and let them breathe. And then I paced my material like that. I wanted to pace my material where it's stop and go. Take them, take them, take them. Give them a break. Give them a break. And then bring them back up again.

Bring them back up again. And then leave there. Roller coaster. Fucking, Take them, take them, take them. Give them a break. Give them a break. And then bring them back up again. Bring them back up again. And then leave their- Rollercoaster. Fucking, you know, that stand up, brother. Yes. All right. Next time you're here, there'll be an announcement. That announcement will be a residency-

Absolutely. In Philly. We're going to make it happen. No, no. A residency at the Comedy Mothership. We'll do that 100%. Anytime you want. That's what I really want to do.

Anytime you want. Because I think I need a constant week around you guys. Okay. But you don't open Monday. We're open every day of the week. But Monday's no stand up.

Open mic night. Really? Yeah. You can go up. There's a little room. 100%. You can go up. You can go up every night of the week.

Thank you for taking Cammy with the stem cell, man. You're the best. I feel better and shit already. Always great to see you. And tomorrow night, we're all doing, by the time this is out, we're doing Fight Companion.

I'll announce it right now. Joey Diaz is on the next Fight Companion. So it'll be Joey Diaz, Eddie Bravo, Brendan Schaub, and me. Let's fucking go. Let's fucking go. You already ratted it out because somebody already hit me this week. I didn't rat it out. They might have.

Schaub might have ratted it out. Somebody else might have put it up. But that's us. Tomorrow night. I love you, Shaw might have rat it out. Somebody else might have put it up. But that's us. Tomorrow night. I love you. Love you. Bye everybody.