The Joe Rogan Experience - #2097 - Jeff Dye

Episode Date: February 2, 2024

Jeff Dye is a stand-up comic, actor, and broadcast personality. Check out his podcast "Jeff Dye's Friendship Podcast" available everywhere. www.jeffdye.com

The Joe Rogan Experience I was telling them before you got here that it's very rare that I've got a little nerves. Yeah, that club's weird. And so when I came out, I was like, yeah, this is a big deal. It's been a while since I've had some nerves. And I was coming out there going, oh. It took me about 30, 40 long seconds to really dial in and go, all right. I was kind of having an ad in my head going, Joe's watching. And I hope this goes well.

Because it's such a beautiful club. The bar's high. Yeah. Oh, that whole crowd's going on. You know, we're going to see everybody. Tom Segura, Joe Rogan. You follow Brian Simpson, too, who's really fucking on fire right now. It was just very, very, it was just cool.

It was cool to be in that. You got a torch? Yeah, yeah, there's one right there. This is his torch. Oh, that's a torch, too? Look at you. You got all the gadgets. Shout out to Foundation Cigars.

They actually made us some Comedy Mothership logoed cigars. They're really good. Is it out? Yeah, here. Try this one. Sorry. It might be almost out of juice. Got it. But, yeah, I get it.

I was nervous when I first did stand up there, too. Yeah, it's like that. It was my first set there. It was weird. I was like, are we really doing this? Yeah, it's in your dad. We're talking about this for two years. And then all of a sudden we're doing it?

Like, we were all shitting our pants. Every one of us backstage was like, fuck. It's such a cool place. But the thing is, we had been doing so much stand-up yeah your whole life to get weirded out by this one set for some reason it's special yeah it felt like the audience was like that too they felt a little weirded out too they were like wow this is real like they got to be there at the very first show i used to feel like that at the store a bit. I would literally crush at the Laugh Factory 25 minutes before I walked over to the comedy

store and then I was like, I hope Adam sees this. For whatever reason, the store has... I think every comic has some sort of weird issues with the comedy store. For sure. All different things, but I don't know how or why. Dude, when I was a kid, when I was 21, when I first started doing stand-up,

people would talk about the comedy store like it was Mecca. Like you had to make your pilgrimage. This was where Richard Pryor came from. This is where Sam Kinison came from. It was Mecca. Yeah. And you only heard about that this is the spot. There was no other one place you had to go.

Like, you could go to Catch. You could go to Catch a Rising Star, which is in New York. You could go, which is a great club. You could go to the Improv in Melrose. That was a great club. It's all great. The store was mecca. Yeah.

And when you got past there. Dude, I was already on a television show when I got past. And when getting on a television show when I got passed. And when getting on a television show was cool, it was cool to be on TV. Like, wow, I can't believe I'm on TV. This is nuts. But the real thing for me was when Mitzi passed me.

Yeah. I was like, oh my God, I think I'm a real comedian. Yeah. Like I'm a real professional. Because in the beginning, the few years, you feel like such a fraud You feel like you like any stage time. Yeah, you're learning it as you go You're not really sure if you're gonna make it some of your jokes suck. Yeah Oh, yeah, everyone now and then though you get one that pops

Yeah, you're like god. I need more of those like I need more like that one That's why so many comics go edgy or like dirty soon. Of course. Because they're like, at least the reaction's better than bombing. Exactly. I'd rather that than silence, you know. And there's always some subjects that just have built-in laughs. You know, there's some subjects like you pretty much can't fuck it up.

It's a topic that people like to laugh just at the top. I feel like every comic when you start, tell me if you found this to be true. Of course, they all start with the, I know what I look like, or I look like, or you hear that version of that. A combination of them. Yeah. Right. Or they come up with some sort of song lyrics.

Because songs are poems. Yeah. And they're metaphors. So for whatever reason, every comic's like, I was listening to this song the other day. Yeah. And the lyrics were like yeah cause it's a metaphor and you're gonna take the most literal route on this

writing to make yourself sound smarter than the artist but it's like it's kind of like trying to get to you and that monkey and you're like he's trying to get to a monkey and you're like no that's the radio edit of booty you know they can't say trying to get to you and that pussy or booty or whatever.

The real lyric is. Yeah. A thing. Well, it's just pop culture too, right? So you really, you're terrified to talk about something that people don't know about. You don't want to have to explain something while you're, because then you have to get their full attention. It's not an immediate, like if you wanted to bring up LeBron James, you say the name LeBron James,

everybody knows who LeBron James is. It's an instantaneous reference. Absolutely. But if you want to talk about some weird sect of the Christian church that you grew up in, you're like, what? What?

What? Like that's a fucking black belt joke. You know, like you have to. You're not there yet. Yeah, you're not ready for like an esoteric subject. You're not ready for any weirdness. I had a comic tell me the other night, we did this corporate event.

I don't want to say his name because, you know. But he's just new, that's all. He's not guilty of being unfunny. He's not guilty of being a bad guy. He's just guilty of being new. Yeah, like we all were. And he goes, what do you think about this joke? And it's this wildly insensitive joke about the Bible and Mary.

And it's a gross oversimplification, but it's also just latently disrespectful. And that's okay. You know, Louie wants to do that joke. You want to do that joke. Some people want to limp in on that subject. You can do it. And I go, you can't. You know what I'm saying?

He's going to be like, what do you mean I can't? I go, no. You're not ready for that. Two months in, you're trying to tackle that? Yeah. It's not going to work. You're doing an abortion joke in your first five minutes? Settle down.

These people have no idea who you are. It's not going to work. Leave that to Bill Burr. Leave the abortion joke to Bill Burr. Maybe not month one, bud. You don't have any idea what you sound like. You don't have any idea how other people are perceiving you. It's chaos up there.

It doesn't seem like it should be. I feel like we understand it more than most people, which is why so many people think they can do it. But even we kind of barely understand it. I understand how I do it, but there's a lot of guys I see, I'm like, I don't know what you're doing, but it's hilarious. Harlan Williams. I love Harlan. Harlan Williams. He's so silly. He's so silly.

He's so silly. Yeah. When you watch him on stage, you're like, if you wrote that out. Oh, yeah. It would not make any sense. Sir, can you please look away? I'm trying to perform up here. I'm fucking dying.

You can't write that. He was on Kill Tony, and he brought a checkbook and started just writing checks to people for like a billion dollars. It just became this running gag. It was hilarious. He had Jeff Ross roast a roast. He pulled out a roast and he put two little googly eyes on it and he goes, I want you to roast this roast.

And that's only Harlan can do that. Only Harlan. If anyone else did that, I'd be like, get this dog shit out of here. But like Harlan, it's perfectly his voice. I've known that guy for probably like 25, 26 years. He's always been super cool. No one hates Harlan Williams. No one.

You will never meet anybody who doesn't like Harlan Williams. He isn't like, but is exactly like Norm Macdonald, where he's got his own thing. His own thing. And they're both Canadian. And they're not similar, but they're both these unique, one-of-a-kind men. Yeah, he doesn't vary. Yeah. He's always that guy.

He's always like this super sweet guy. That's got that guy offstage, onstage. Hey, fella, what a great club. Yeah, pumpkin pie haircut freak. He improv'd that on the movie Dumb and Dumber to Jim Carrey. And it stays in the script. Like, that's how. Yeah, no, that's Harlan.

He's such a fun guy. But, like, I don't know how he does it. Imagine if being Harlan's comedy coach. You're like, I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, just do you, dude. Yeah, I don't know how to tell you. William Montgomery's another one. Have you seen William?

He's a young guy from Austin. He was in L.A. for a while, then he came out here. His comedy is so, I wish I could, like, do one of his bits, but I don't want to give up some of his material. You got a kid that works at Mothership who I'm obsessed with. And I don't know if he'll be a star. I don't know.

I've never been able to predict any of this shit. If you'd have asked me if I'd have thought a lot of these people that became stars are stars. I'm not a good read of this. But I do know a brilliant comic when I see one, a Casey Rocket. Oh, yeah, he's very funny.

Well, here's the difference. So, for me, here's the difference. So for me, here's the difference, is when you watch me, you go, oh, I know who Jeff's inspired by. You know, he likes Patrice. He likes Norm. He likes these truth tellers. And he loves The Simpsons. And if you know that formula, when you watch me, you go, that's what this guy liked.

That's what he watched. You know? No one's doing what Casey Rockett's doing. No. So at least it's different enough that you, enough that whether you love it or hate it, you go, I've never seen it before. Well, first of all, you should appreciate that. But then also appreciate that whatever he's doing, it's funny right now, and he's going to get better. Yeah.

I love it. It's going to get even more better. I watched him. I don't know if you'll like me saying this. He didn't do too great on the show that I watched. And I'm in the back going, whatever that is, sign me up. I'll watch that. He varies, but he does well a lot.

He does well a lot. He's got real potential. He's a funny dude. He did like six minutes on Jimmy Carter. Kid's in his 20s. He's doing Jimmy Carter jokes. And I'm in the back going, no one's going to. Because it was like a bar show in Manhattan Beach.

And they want some race hustling jokes. Oh, yeah. If you're doing a bar show in Manhattan Beach, that's. Boy, that's hit or miss. It is hit or miss. Boy, those are good for, like, just stress testing the vehicle, though. And who cares? If the joke doesn't work, you can, you know. I watched you last night for probably 30 minutes of the hour that you did.

It seems like you're having a lot of fun. I'm having a lot of fun. Is this new or is this, I mean, I've seen you a bunch of times, but I mean, like, it's been a few years, I think, since I've got to see you on stage. And you seem like you're having so much fun. I'm having a good time. That's inspiring to watch. Yeah.

Well, first of all, you know, I'm in a place where I can do whatever I want. So I'm doing as much stand-up as I want. And I'm doing it specifically just to make the stand-up better. Like, that's how I think about it. All I'm doing is, like, I treat it like, well, what is the most important thing of it? The most important thing is the show. what is the most important thing of it the most important thing is the show like try in some way to like always tweak it always make it better figure out what you're doing add a thing and to have all this opportunity for stage time at the club i basically set up a residency in my home

city yeah it's pretty sweet it was fun to watch it's fun dude it's fun. I like seeing that more than I like seeing a lot of things in our business. I just, I love it. I like comedy so much. I do, too. That I want to see some, so I went on the road with this guy named Kermit Apio from Washington State. And he's a road dog and a really talented guy. He won Seattle International Comedy Competition, which when I first started comedy, that was a huge deal to us up in Seattle. And he brought me on the road

and I was terrible I was a terrible like open mic-er that got some laughs I was a king of the open mic-ers in Seattle you know and so he brings me on the road to open for him and he goes you know the only reason I'm bringing you on the road is you make me like like stand-up comedy again you're so excited about it and the way you don't shut up about it and you want to tell jokes

and you want to write jokes or you tell me like hey last night after that bit you should if you up about it and you want to tell jokes and you want to write jokes. Or you tell me like, Hey, last night after that bit, you should, you should, if he thought about adding this and like, you make me remember that I like it. And I do feel like, and I've been doing comedy since 2005.

I do feel a little bit of that where I'm looking for someone to, I just, I like, I loved being in that green room and hanging. I love this. I love the, the standup part, but like,

that's really fun. It doesn't, I don't want to just perform and go home. I want it to be green room and hanging. I love this. I love the stand-up part. But that's really fun. I don't want to just perform and go home. I want it to be in the comedy. Yeah. I don't know. I like that part of it. Yeah, we feed off each other. That's the reason why I created the club.

We were already performing out here. We started performing out here in November of 2020, indoors. And it was sketchy. everyone like there was a feeling of sketchiness I was like I remember we got really high one time and I went on stage I was like this is so not safe it's like the middle what are we doing middle of COVID and they have indoor shows packed there's no the social distancing could suck my dick there was no social distancing it was just packed everybody was just packed. Everybody was just going out like they were going out.

I love that. How many of you guys have had COVID? Like fucking half the crowd already had it. And we're fine. Yeah. It was wild times. But what we needed was a home base. And I was like, this place that we're at, the Vulcan, which is a really fun place to play and a really fun place to see stand up. It's a real fun room but I wanted to do it where we had full control of it where it's just

comics like it was like we have like you know a group of humans that are really good at an art form and I say what do you what do you think we should do we all just taught and everybody's suggestion got in there the reason why the ceiling is the height that it is, because I took Louie. And Louie went and looked around. He goes, can you lower the ceiling? And I said, I think we can. Can we lower the ceiling? And I brought over the construction guys.

I'm like, what can we do? And like, yeah, we can get it down three more feet. And he's like, get it down as low as you can get it. We just wanted to make sure that we could see from the balcony. That was the critical thing. Make sure the ceiling didn't impede the view from the balcony so we got to right where it doesn't and then it really tightened the room up but he also told me those comics like to hear that sound of echo but that sucks it's like sucks for the sound like that's like it you you want the sound

to be as clean as possible you should like make everything almost like a sound studio like have you done the old ice house? Yeah, love the old... All that hardwood that pops. The comedy pops there. It's also great crowds out there too. But it's the structure of the building adds to the sound. But you don't really

necessarily want that. You really want the actual laughs and everybody to hear everything you're saying. Yeah. Do you think there was a problem with the ice house in the old way? Like the way it was too easy and popped? It wasn't a problem because it was a really small room.

But it would have been a problem in a slightly larger room. It gets slightly larger and those echoes get weird. They get weird in corners. That's one of the things about the Vulcan. I've had friends come to the show and they would go, we couldn't hear right where we were. We had to move. I go, what was the matter? They're like, everything is echoing.

I was like, oh, no, really? So I guess there was like, you know how sound works and hard surfaces and corners? If you're in like the back of a little corner area and sound's coming from a speaker pointed in a specific direction direction It's probably not set up for comedy is what I'm trying to say So we decided to just set it up from the jump It's great like the best way we could you know the whole tunnel system the whole there's an elevator. It's perfect It's literally you've made It's a masterpiece so when we are opened it. It was it was nerve-racking It was like what are we doing me and my buddy Brant, this was literally last weekend. I think it was last weekend.

We're playing a club, and the club's great. I don't want to name it because I'm about to say something that's not great about the acoustics. But he gets on stage, he's crushing, and he's doing all these little bullshit savers. You know, like, well, that did better last week. You know those little things you say after a joke does bad? And the crowd's looking around going, what is he talking about? So then he does another joke, and then he's like, all right, you guys don't like. And he keeps narrating.

But like, Brant, you're crushing. But I can't talk to him. He's on stage. And so then I get on stage, and I'm like, fucking tough crowd, man. What's going on here? Oh, you can't hear them. Couldn't hear. I thought I was doing bad.

And Brant's like, that was amazing. And then Brant was doing amazing. And he thought he was doing bad up there. So we came up with a symbol for the next shows. Like, if you're doing. How far was the audience from you that you couldn't hear them? We heard laughs. We heard laughs.

Right. But we just don't. We're used to a sound. Right. As a comedian. A volume. Of what killing is. So, you know, we get laughs on every sentence. Doesn't mean're used to a sound as a comedian of what killing is so you know you're getting we get laughs on every sentence doesn't mean you're killing and so we

were just saying so me and brand came with like a code we're like all right this means don't worry about it you're doing good and if it is that the joke sucks or the bit sucks we'll give we'll do this like hey it's you it's you that is uh but like you need to, is it me or is it the crowd? You got like a line coach. Yeah. It's because that sound is so important. If you think you're doing bad,

and the crowd doesn't think you are, or vice versa, that's a problem. Did you watch any of the Zoom comedy people tried to do? Joe, I was one of the Zoom people. No! Just go! I had to, dude. I had to. Hey, I would have done it. I would have done it. I had one corporate event that was like $10,000 corporate that was

supposed to be in a theater. And then they're like, well, we can't now because COVID. So I'm thinking, I just don't give that money. Or they're going to have to reschedule for another time. And they go, but we can do it on Zoom. And I was like, well, it's $10,000. And I would do it. It was terrible. So you did a corporate gig on Zoom? Yes. And because their their things aren't on it's a bunch of people oh my god dude it was a nightmare joe also i gotta say it's really nice for me to be here because

uh during covid i was like enemy number one in los angeles in a lot of ways really i'd have people at my house i was like i'm not doing this shit i was like the only guy who was like actually putting on his story like i'm not doing this i'd like go to coffee shops you know i know i'd wear a mask when they you know when i'd be one of those guys you know i'd wear the mask in the store but then you know whatever i'm gonna drink my coffee you want to drink it through a mask you know right so there were comics who are now cool with me again but at the time we're like can you believe believe Jeff Dye is just not taking this serious? I wish I lived in a place like this or Florida or something during that lockdown.

Well, I kind of saw what was going on in the beginning, but I was hoping that we would come out of it and it really would just be a couple weeks and everything would be back to normal. But when it got to a month and there was no talk at all about reopening, and then there was talk about it might be six months. It got real weird. And then there was the George Floyd riots. And then there was the lines outside the gun stores. And I was like, okay, I see where this is going. I'm getting the fuck out of here. So I came out here in May of 2020. That's when I first started looking.

Found a house, moved in August, so that quick. In August of 2020, I'm like, see ya, and it was in the middle of my Spotify deal. The beginning, excuse me, not even the middle. Spotify deal hadn't even started. It started from out here. It was weird. They were like, what the fuck are you doing? As as from us going what do you mean he's moving to he's gonna

change also you're a weed guy we're going texas he's gonna go to texas with the weed well apparently it's decriminalized here in austin okay praise jesus uh but then i heard that ken paxton is trying to sue the city of austin who I've met is a very nice gentleman. Ken, how dare you? What's he suing it for? I don't know. I think it has something to do with the marijuana laws. Listen, maybe it has something to do with something other politically, like they sue you for this so you refund the police.

I don't know how all that shit works, but there's a lot of weirdness when it comes to that. so you refund the police. I don't know how all that shit works, but there's a lot of weirdness when it comes to that. Ken Paxton sues Texas cities, including Austin, for decriminalizing weed. Dude, listen. But why, Ken? This is stupid, Ken.

Don't get involved in this. This is a dumb perspective. The whole law is dumb, and it was based on fraud from the very beginning. If you look at the history of why marijuana is illegal, it goes back to William Randolph Hearst and Harry Anslinger. They conspired. That's the reason why they made movies like Reefer Madness. They wrote all these stories in the newspaper about marijuana and how marijuana was causing blacks and Mexicans to rape white ladies.

And they did it. Which turned out not to be true. They made this shit up. Well, you know, you can find instances. There's a lot of people. But the point is that they made all this shit up just so they could stop hemp. Because they had come up with a new method of processing hemp fiber.

There was a new machine that was invented called a decorticator. And the decorticator allowed them to economically, effectively process hemp without using slave labor. See, when they stopped using slaves and then when they started picking cotton, people moved from hemp to cotton.

But cotton sucks compared to hemp. Hemp is a way better cloth. It's way more durable. It's like, my friend Todd says, it's like an alien plant. Because it is like way better cloth. It's way more durable It's like my friend Todd says it's like an alien plant because it is like an alien plant It doesn't there's nothing like it you could use its fiber to make clothes It's the best clothes on earth like the most durable like I've a hemp jujitsu Gee that fucking thing never rips when I get cotton geese, these motherfuckers, like, after, like, a few months of hard rolling, this thing starts getting loose.

Yeah. And they start ripping. And, you know, if you had a gee for a year or two years, it's probably got a rip or two in it already. The hemp geese don't rip. You can take hemp paper. You can take hemp paper. You can barely tear it. Really?

It's weird, man. I've never known less about a subject than hemp or any of this stuff. I got fascinated because my friend Todd McCormick had a hemp stalk on his table, his desk table. And he goes, pick this up. And I pick it up. And it feels like there's nothing there. It's like styrofoam.

But it's hard. Like oak. Yeah, it's interesting. It's a fucking weird plant. You can make houses with it. They use something called hemp creek. And it's hemp and it's interesting. It's a fucking weird plant. You can make houses with it. They use something called hemp creek. And it's hemp, and it's mixed together with some sort of a solvent or something that solidifies it. And it's way more durable than wood. It's a living house.

It's stronger than concrete. It's crazy. It's wild. It's a crazy plant, dude. And the fact that it's illegal because it makes people happy and makes food taste better shut the fuck up yeah just shut the fuck up silly stupid it doesn't kill anybody alcohol is killing people every day of the week yet they're dying of liver poisoning everyone's dying of opiates yeah fentanyl is

killing everybody fast food kills kills nobody I've always said the best way to get killed by weed is you take a 35 pound bag of it and drop it on your head from a CIA drug plane. That's how people die. That's how you die from weed. Shut the fuck up. I had a buddy who was

driving from Boston, Randy Valerio. He was driving from Boston with marijuana products. But it was medicine in Boston. And he's moving to LA to live and As he's driving through Texas he gets pulled over So it's legal in Boston and it's legal in LA and it's considered medicine in these two places But if he takes his medicine through Texas, yeah, you can't felony charges. Yeah, it's it's schedule one. It's a real drug It's crazy. Well, it's a dumb thing, man. Like, this is not a dumb country.

We're super educated now. We have amazing access to information. This is not 1930. This is not a confusing time. This is a time where we know exactly what things do. Now, this is also important to say. Some people should not smoke weed. Some people should not eat weed. Some people should not eat weed.

Some people should not do any psychedelics at all. Some people have mental health problems already. Some people are prone to schizophrenia. And I've seen people fucking snap from weed. Really? Yes. I've not seen that. I think it's important to talk about.

Look, it's just not me. But I've seen people, like Alex Berenson wrote this book called Tell Your Children. And it's all about, there's like a certain percentage of people that take high dose THC that experience psychotic states. There's this lady in LA

who stabbed her boyfriend 108 times off one hit. He gave her some crazy super potent weed. She went wacky, stabbed him 108 times. And the fucked up part is she only got two years probation. Yeah, that's wild. That's a whole different problem.

That's a different problem. That's crazy. We were just like imagining if it was a dude. Oh, God. And his excuse was I got high. Hey, you're getting weed. I was high. I had to stab her 108 times.

Like, what the fuck? you're in jail forever women complain about all these social issues but you know where women crush us courts yeah dude in the courtroom there's no bigger privilege than being a woman and by the way no one no one gives a fuck if your wife beats you up at all at all a baseball player in the 90s chuck finley got beat up by his wife and he's like i don't want to hit her back. I'm a big guy, you know? So he just called the cops. He just called the cops. But then, if you read all the people commenting, like,

oh, come on, dude. Just let her hit you, dude. Just block. Yeah, block. The problem is you should never be around anyone who wants to hit you. Whether it's a friend or whether it's a girlfriend. You should never be around a person that wants to strike you. At all. At all. it's a girlfriend she never be around a person that wants to strike you at all yeah at all that's just the rules it's like i we all have we all

sometimes are angry but you don't express yourself that way right it's stupid you know my favorite joe rogan moment one of what yeah everybody references your podcast people reference your uh you know the ufc they reference your comedy the on fear factor when that guy You know you don't get to hit people to that girl Oh, and then he tried to defend his wife's honor No, he's a you go no no if you guys want to hit each other at home You can do whatever you want But you don't get to hit people just because you're upset and then he tried to come to you

And you grabbed him and everyone realized real quick I, maybe at that time it wasn't public knowledge how trained you were at fighting and stuff. All he did was grab his neck. Yeah, but you shut it down quick. No TV host has ever shut down a conflict that fast. Well, that guy they'd warned me about. He had a history of violence. And he had done some violent things on some other reality shows.

It was amazing. They were like, fire the security on the show. Joe's got this. There was no security. That was part of the problem. That was around maniacs. That was a big show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was zero security. There was zero security. There was me and a bunch of random maniacs that were trying to eat bull dicks

and jump off buildings. We don't need security. And some of them were super sketchy. Yeah. And that guy was, he maybe could have hit me. He was thinking about hitting me. When he got in his face, his body was so tense and he got so close to me. Because the thing about, people have to realize about getting punched. This is very important to know.

Sucker punching works because your reaction time is far slower than action time. Action time is very fast. It's probably five to 10 times faster than reaction time. So if I go like that and I hit you, by the time you register that I've turned my shoulders and that my fist is heading in your direction you're hit and you're gonna get knocked out you're gonna be unready for it your jaw's gonna slide back your head's gonna snap

sideways cause you're not resisting it your brain's gonna wash around inside your head and you're going out unless you're a tank you know it's your big fucking Samoan dude and then he's gonna look at you and be like mate what a fucking terrible thing you've done. And then he's going to eat you. That's why Joe Rogan says sucker punch.

That's what I got from that. I got a sucker punch if I'm going to win. Well, just sucker punching is something that people do. So if someone gets that close to you, even a trained fighter has to be prepared for a sucker punch. Didn't it kill Houdini? No, no. He got punched in the stomach.

But he wasn't ready. We would let people punch him. And yeah, this guy. But I think there was something else wrong with him, too. I also think he was doing a lot of weird shit. I know I'm jumping around a lot. Yeah, we had appendicitis. Isn't that kind of funny that, you know, we just get up there and do jokes,

but like a magician will do like a trick and then be like, also someone come punch me. That's not a magic trick. That sounds like something a frat guy, like a big Samoan guy

would say, like someone punch me. But there's like no magic to it that will really work. Like if someone says kick me, there is no magic

that's going to save you. That's so silly. There's no magic. You can't tighten up your abs and let me kick you. This is my magic trick. You're going to get really injured. You think you punch good? I'm a magician.

That's so stupid. Haber-kadapper! Francis Ngannou liver-punching you. Haber-kadapper! David Blaine will do that. He'll do seven things that you're like, this guy's a witch or a warlock or something. But then he'll be like, and now I'm going to live in a box above New York

City for a month. And you're like, don't do that. That's not magic. He made me stab him with an ice pick. I stabbed his arm with an ice pick. I went through his arm to the other side with an ice pick. Yeah, I saw that. He did that to Ricky Gervais or something. And Ricky Gervais is just like, why? That's the best answer to most magic. Why?

This is the answer to the Houdini thing. It says, on Friday morning, October 22nd, in his dressing room at the Princess Theater in Montreal, he was punched hard in the stomach by an excitable McGill student, J. Gordon Whitehead, who wanted to test the theory that Houdini was capable of withstanding hard blows to the abdomen. A week later, Houdini was dead. Excitable. Is that really what killed him, or was it appendicitis? Did you say

it was appendicitis, Jamie, that you read that? Yeah. Great headshot. So maybe you can rupture someone's appendix with a punch. Oh, so that's how it happened. The inflammation of the abdominal wall, his appendix was removed, but the poison from the ruptured appendix was already punch. Oh, so that's how it happened. Inflammation of the abdominal wall. His appendix was removed, but the

poison from the ruptured appendix was already in his bloodstream. Jeez. Maybe, I mean, it makes sense. I know guys lose their spleens from really bad accidents. You can, you know, if your body gets damaged, they could remove your spleen.

It might be like it fucks your appendix up, too. I mean, it makes sense if something's hitting it these UFC guys. I mean the the blows they take this kind of stuff, dude This you get too accustomed to it. It's It's so Normal for me to see guys fight. It's it's weird. It's real weird Like I'm super accustomed to it. But it really is shocking. It is. If you just step back and watch a real high-level fight, the impact.

It's terrifying. Shocking. If it was dogs, it'd be illegal. Right. You watch UFC fight, you go, we couldn't do this if this was dogs. Like, I can't believe. I can't believe. And there's people gathering around, people, I'm gamblers.

Bud Light. Bud Light. Bud Light. And you're just going, I don't think that this should be allowed, but they do it. It's wild. It's wild. When every now and again, I mean, it always, I'm always aware of how dangerous it is for the fighters and how wild it is to see. But every now and then someone will get really injured.

And when I'm like, oh, shit. it is to see and but every now and then someone will get really injured and when I'm like oh shit like when Chris Weidman broke his leg was like oh yeah or when Anderson Silva that's the one I'm thinking of yeah that clean break on his shin they both had it this is the craziest thing it's only happened four times in the UFC and two times have been with Chris Weidman oh really crazy I don't know that guy is oh I don't watch a lot, but I saw the Silva one and I go, he was striking him and he broke his leg. Weidman was the UFC middleweight champion at the time.

That's Weidman, and he was defending his title against Anderson, who he beat in the first fight. And then Anderson just threw that. So gross. Oh, so disgusting, dude. And he had hurt it on a check earlier. Boom! Yeah, it just gave out

Chris said that he checked it earlier and he thinks that it like check means When Anderson throws a kick you lift up your leg and you try to get it where his shin hits The top of your like right below your knee because that's like indestructible Okay So it's like what's the weakest point the middle of your shin if it hits that top area of the knee that top area is not it's not giving yeah because it's reinforced it's it's also it's like you can take a shot like that or like pretty hard yeah but in the middle of the shin you got all that crazy leverage and down there where anderson broke his

think of how thin that is compared to the bones at the top. So something had to give. Coming at that. It happens all the time. Well, not all the time, but it's happening a lot more now because so much stuff is filmed. I've seen a dozen of them at least. It does happen. I used to work at this moving company.

It used to be super rare. And when you work at a place like a moving company or any of these kind of jobs where they just hire criminals, people with criminal records, you want to make $20 an hour? Just load up this big rig with frozen groceries. I've had a lot of those jobs when I was young because I didn't go to college. And you could tell me if this is real or not, but it's an unreliable source. But this guy's like, I used to be in the Marine Corps.

And they used to tell us, you're going to get punched. You want to get hit in the face you want to get hit right here And we always picked the face is that does that make fight sense or is this guy just trying to be cool at the warehouse? I Don't think he knows what the fuck he's talking. Okay fair enough That's what I'm saying. These guys were like, you know, I take it in the gut all day long over the face Really? Yeah, but the thing about the face is it puts you out If someone's gonna like just hit you if like you know you're gonna get hit

and you get to choose where you get hit you take it in the stomach and you prepare for it it's still gonna suck but you could take a few if you get punched in the face by the right guy he told us that it like blew our mind yeah I don't think he knows what he's talking I think he was trying to be a tough guy because he's just hands if someone hits you in the liver, like if you get someone who's really good, like Ryan Garcia, he's got this nasty liver punch. Oh, God, he hits people. They just blap.

Canelo Alvarez has a wicked liver punch. When you have that shot, it's like a left hook that's kind of almost partially an uppercut. It's like a body left hook, kind of almost partially an uppercut. You know, instead of coming, it's like a body left hook, and they'll slam it right here. Right here with the rib cages and the livers right below it. Oh, my goodness. It's the worst feeling. You get, like, electrocuted.

Like, your whole body shuts off. It's so crazy. It is a kill switch. It really is. And some guys are masterful at hitting that kill switch. You know what the sad part about this is, Joe? What? It's been 30 years, probably, 25 years I've been telling that story.

I heard, you know, if you got to pick between the face and the thing, you take the face. No, no, no. Because this one idiot. Don't let somebody punch you in the face. Yeah, you go unconscious. You lose your vision. Yeah, you want to be able to see. You'll recover from a body shot. You might not recover from getting punched in the face.

Yeah, there's a lot of buttons on your face. Like you've seen slap fighting. They get slapped unconscious. Yeah. Just a slap. And they're ready for it. And they're like professional slappers. Are you shocked that's a sport?

Yes. Yeah. That comes up on my Instagram things, and I'm going, what are we doing? Yeah, and the UFC owns it. So's like okay, and there's like big guys that like I you know, they look like my neighbor Uh-huh, you know who are just like now they're pro athletes. I do have to do this. I watch those fucking clips I'm one of those idiots the pro athlete Putting chalk on his he's got like rubber bands. Yeah, he looks terrible It looks like he's at my dive bar at the chimney sweep just going, all right.

One of the dudes, they were like, what are you going to do with the money? Oh, get my wife some new titties. Yeah. That's a good answer, though. What's the best answer you've heard? That's the best answer. You interview all these guys after that. What's the best one?

What's your favorite? I never ask what they're going to do with their money. I know, but like what's a thing you heard afterwards where you're like, oh, I like that kind of. Oh, Derek Lewis. my balls was hot. It has to be number one. It has to be number one. Derek Lewis just beats this dude and then takes his pants off.

And he's standing in the octagon with no pants on. And I'm interviewing him like, Derek, congratulations. Why'd you take your pants off? He goes, my balls was hot. I go, I understand, sir. I'm going to win it, Derek Lewis. Derek, why'd you take your pants off? My balls was hard i understand sir weren't ready for that one is the man i was ready for it i mean my job there is just kind of you know i'm not in any way a comedian when i'm interviewing fighters that's a completely

different role i never try to make anything funny. Ever. My job there is just to get out of them the best expression that they can give. They're the star. That's it. It's just me trying to get it out of them. That's all it is. Always. So I've never... Connors is pretty good too. Yeah.

Oh, Connors is amazing. Go for it. I'm getting it. Connors is amazing. Go for it. Get it. Oh, yeah. I remember this. I remember this. Yeah.

And he was right. Oh, yeah. I've spent a lot of time, Joe, slaying everybody in the company. Backstage, I'm starting to fight off everybody. I've ridiculed everyone on the roster. I just want to say from the bottom of my heart, I'd like to take this chance to apologize to absolutely nobody. Legendary. There it is. I'm in.

You raised me. Legendary. There it is. That's pretty solid. Yeah, because that was what he envisioned. He envisioned him standing there with those two belts. And he made it happen. He really did it. Like, there's something to that fucking Oprah horse shit. No, it works. Of, like, manifesting things.

The universe, yeah. The secret, you know, something to that. There's something to it, but it's not guaranteed. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just, you know, you have to figure it out. But believing it works. Yeah. Yeah.

There's something to it. There's something weird to it. You carry yourself in a different way. Yeah, for sure. I've noticed that just with getting off the bottle, just my comedy's gotten better. Things like that. But it's just me knowing oh i'm in my right mind now like yeah yeah this i got something now to prove kind of thing

not to make conor gregor about myself but just there is a thing about yeah seeing it making it happen you know like there's something to that it's not again it's not guaranteed right it's like it's a part of the equation this is what i like to think about it's not, again, it's not guaranteed. It's like it's a part of the equation. This is what I like to think about. It's not like you live in a land of only fate. It's not like you can just make things happen with your mind and random things don't happen

to people. It's all those things. Random things do happen to people. Some people are more fortunate than people. A lot of it is luck. A lot of this whole thing is luck. The energy you put out there in the world probably has an effect on the life that you live. And if you really, truly believe that you can do something and you go for it, people applaud it. They love it. They love to watch it. They love to see it. And when you make it, it gives everybody else hope that they can do it too. 100%. That's the reason I like basketball, like Jordan.

We saw someone accomplish something and we go, hey, fucking they did that thing. What could be my thing? Yeah, there's part of just seeing someone who is the best at anything or just extraordinary at anything. It makes you realize that people can do wild shit, man. And it might not be the people that you're around. It might not be the people that you surround yourself with.

But just knowing that those other people are out there in the world, you know that there's a higher bar to set. Yeah. You could do it. 100%. In whatever field you're doing. You watch a Mike Tyson fight from the 1980s. Just the idea that someone could be that guy was so crazy.

It made you think that you could get better at everything you do. Well, and it's not like Tyson had some silver spoon. The opposite. Yeah. So you go, look at him. This kid. The opposite. I'm sure you know everything about Tyson.

I'm not going to tell you anything you don't know. But I love they did that documentary where he's like, he's being so sweet about his coach. And he's going, I'm nothing. I'm like a piece of shit, you know? Yeah. And they let me live in their house. And he's teaching me boxing. And they're being so nice to me.

And these white people, and they're letting me sleep with them in the house. And they're feeding me. And I'm thinking, I'm going to rob these motherfuckers. His instinct was still like, they didn't lock the house up. But I just love that his mentality they took like a straight kid guarding pigeons from his buddies and he could be that

I'm never going to be a boxer but I could go maybe I could do something great do you ever see the movie The Color of Money it's Tom Cruise and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio, and she plays his girlfriend. She's so fucking hot. She's so young and hot.

It's with Paul Newman. I hate watching movies that are older but with hot chicks. Oh, she was so hot back then. Because I know that they're not alive no more. I think she's still alive. Well. But anyway, point is, she's an amazing actress too, and she played his girlfriend,

and she was talking to Paul Newman. And she had this chain around her neck. And the dad was like, or Paul Newman was like, where'd you get it? And she's like, oh, it came from Vincent. You know, it was Vincent's mom. It was Vincent's mom's. And then he goes, did he give it to you? She goes, no.

When I was with my ex-boyfriend, we stole it from his house. So she was still wearing Tom Cruise's mom's chain that she stole from his house while they were dating. It's insane. But it was cool. It was like, whoa. Just to know there's vipers like that out there. Yeah, we can all be the viper. In that situation, Tom Cruise plays this genius pool player that's probably autistic.

And this is the girlfriend. And the girlfriend is just like a total hustler. Yeah, crazy person. Just controlling him, steering him, completely in control of Vincent. And if she leaves the room, he panics. It's really wild. I feel like I know some women like that. Oh, yeah.

They're the fun ones. This is Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio. It's a great fucking movie. I watched... I'm going to slaughter the name, but I was at Terry Bradshaw's house on Christmas, and he likes these old movies. So he puts in like, it's something like I'll See You in St. Louis

or Meet Me in St. Louis or something. It's an older movie. And I'm there. I got like, you know, cigars, and we're just watching. He falls asleep. I'm watching this movie. This kind of goes back to what I was saying.

I don't like to watch old films with beautiful women like that because Judy Garland's on the screen, and she's just so pretty and sweet and nice i'm falling for judy garland in the movie and then beautiful i was like i'm gonna look her up you know see what she's and i was like i'm about 40 years late and she you know just gone oh yeah but that's how dumb i am i'm getting a crush on a woman that's been gone for 30 years and and and also didn't age great well don't you ever imagine

living life back then it's like living with children oh for sure like people back then were like culturally they were kind of children yeah kind of sweet i know it's a mushrooms idea i'm a big mushroom guy but like i always i don't know how when you do new mushrooms when i do mushrooms i'm with my friends. And it's a, we're not, we're usually in the woods, camping or something. I don't like to go to concerts. I don't want to be on mushrooms. Too much randomness.

Yeah, I can't do that. Noise. I don't want to hit on a guy I don't know well. Right. I want to be around some people I love. You know, I want to be around. But I was thinking about, like, in the old days, you rode, we'd ride our horses, you know, and we'd have like a little picture of our lady back home and we'd clean up the horses and we'd make some food and we'd whatever.

And we'd go, I wonder what's going on out there. You know, what do you think's going on? We may have my talk about it a little, call it a night. You know, we had our responsibilities. We had our little things. You knew your girl and you knew some girls in town, but you knew your woman that you loved and your family. And then it's like now, now i don't wonder what anyone's doing yeah can't even escape my ex-girlfriend's breakfast post you know like we know it's there's got to be some happy medium those guys knew nothing kind of a sweet time kind of a sweet time but which one would you choose

i'm only thinking i want that because i got now yeah it's it's nonsense. It's like, what do you want to do? Go back to being a chimp and throw shit at each other? Maybe. Because they were probably like, what are these people going to live in houses? Yeah, but maybe. You know, that was one of the things that Genghis Khan. You'd crush it as a chimp, Joe. I don't know if you know that.

You'd get to be Joe Rogan of the chimps, I'm pretty sure. When Genghis Khan, like one of his titles was he who rules and all. It's like something about felt houses. So that they had such disdain for people who lived in houses. Look at them fat cats with their houses. They all lived in tents. They lived in felt tents. So they never had houses.

They thought you were a pussy. Yeah. If you lived in a house. Yeah, you're a pussy. Yeah. If you lived in a house. Yeah, you're too protected. Yeah. So like, and you think about how horrific the Mongol Empire was and what they did. I mean, the Mongols killed somewhere around 50 to 70 million people during Genghis Khan's life. They reduced the population of the planet by 10%.

They changed the carbon footprint, dude. I think Hitler gets too much credit. That's the one everyone knows. Everyone wants to reference Hitler. Nobody's talking about Napoleon or... What about what Stalin did? Mussolini or Stalin or even the Mongols. You know what I'm saying?

Those ones don't get enough kind of like... I used to have a joke about it, that you could be a pirate for Halloween. You know how crazy it is? Like pirates are some of the most fucking evil creatures that ever existed. They're the most famous rapists. Yeah. That's what you go, what do pirates do?

Yeah. Rape and pillage. Rape and murder. Rape is the first thing. Yeah. You can't be a pirate. You shouldn't be able to be. It's synonymous with the title.

It's like priest child molester. You think about it. Don't cancel the white girl with the Indian headdress at Halloween. You should be canceling the pirates. That was not a fair comparison. There's way more pirates raped than priests. Probably all pirates raped. Oh, for sure.

Priests that are pedophiles, it's probably only one out of a thousand. What are you going to do? Romance them? You're only in town for a couple days, Joe. I got to get this stuff. I got to bang somebody, and I got to get on the boat. Yeah. I don't have time to take her out to dinner.

Well, they just took over things and killed everybody. That's what they did. So do you think you'd prefer the old times? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm a realist. The old times were horrific. You died from everything. You would have been a man of that time.

Yeah, for as long as i lived there's no way i'd be like this at 56 i would be already murdered that's true somebody would somebody would have got me i would have been zigging when i should have zagged it would have caught an arrow somebody would have fucked me up you know why because i'm a talker yeah i'd have been the i wouldn't have been the fight challenge guy i'd probably always work man sometimes they just cut off one of your hands oh Oh, for sure. There'd be some props. After you talk too much, they'll just cut off one of your hands. Not even kill you yet. Shut that guy up.

That's what they say. Cut off your hand. Just to let you know, like, bro, this is so serious. Well, like, when I watch the cowboy movies, right? I really love cowboy stuff. When I watch those, I don't identify with the lead cowboy. I don't identify with the gunslinger. You know what I identify with? When they go into the saloon with the gunslinger. You know what I identify with?

When they go into the saloon and the guy's like, boys, what are you having? He's like, wiping down a glass. What are you guys at? Pour the whiskey for you guys. And then when you guys start fucking shooting, I think I'd be that guy. And they'd be like, I like Jeff's bar. You know, that he's got. You want to swing by and see Jeff?

He's always got a little joke for you. And he's got the whiskey in the glass. I identify with that guy. And that guy's life's not great. No. But I think got the whiskey in the glass. I identify with that guy. And that guy's life's not great. No. But I think I could do that. I think I'd survive that way. That's a good way to be.

That's the best job in Old West is the bartender guy. Yeah. As long as nobody breaks a bottle over your head. I got no problems with anybody. You guys start fighting. I go, hey, I'll clean it up when you guys leave. Your problem being a bartender in the Old West is you're a little too fucking handsome. That affect me?

That would be an issue. Yeah. The girls would be talking to you. Oh. That affect me? That would be an issue. Yeah. The girls would be talking to you and then the guys would want to kill you. Oh, did you ever work the road road? I don't know much about your comedy career before you were very successful. Yeah, I did the road. So I have a joke that I put in my act whenever I'm in a small town. It's just in Norfolk.

And I was like, I'm looking for a Norfolk experience. You guys know what it's like. A beautiful girl will flirt with me. Her big boyfriend will beat the shit out of me. And then I'll get out of here. Every small town, that's how it works. Some girl, she's hot,

but she's got tattoos and a zany problem. And then someone goes, you were talking. I was like, she's talking to me. So maybe that would happen. Well, there's girls that likes to stick their pitbulls on men. That's what it is. One of those chicks. They have likes it to stick their pitbulls on men that's what it is one of those boy from is a pitbull yeah and they get excited they like that their man yeah dude that's real yeah yeah that those those those

girls get you into there was a girl that the best sexual chemistry I've ever had with a woman and I hate cliches I told you this last night I don't like anything I've heard before so you know the old stupid like the crazy ones are the best sexually i mean that's cliche sucks i know there's nice girls that are freaks you know yeah exactly so but this girl i hate to say it you know she was easily the best sexual chemistry ever but she broke into my house and she you know and she also would climb the gate in like a vegas dress you know I mean she was the best sexually but like she was a psycho yeah a crazy person my friend Tony says that exotic and neurotic are closely related or not you know psychotic rather psychotic and

Jesus Christ what happened to my voice psychotic and erotic right there they're they're completely interconnected flirt with that line. Yeah. They're in there together. Tony Zara. Shout out to Tony. Yeah. I'm like, he's dead right. There's something about the energy that someone would have that's so unique and so aggressive sexually, like some girl who's just behaving like a complete nympho psycho, and you're

like, oh my God, this is wild. And when you're a young guy- Wild and sexy. Yeah, yeah. You're a young guy and you're free. Yeah my god, this is wild. And when you're a young guy. Wild and sexy, yeah, yeah. Young guy, and you're free, and you're like, I can't believe this is happening. But you don't have good preservation instincts, because you wouldn't be friends with a guy like that. Right.

That's a crazy person. Yeah, but we do. We talk about it. We like crazy people. Yeah. They're fun. They're fun. Crazy people are fun.

A lot of my friends are legitimately crazy. But it's fun. Yeah. Yeah. It makes things, it's like, how much can you control the crazy? It's like do you have a Ferrari? Yeah, that Ferrari has 700 horsepower Do you know how to drive that like how much can you control that crazy because occasionally you're gonna fucking spin out around the tour? The corners one of my best friends is a crazy person who I love him, but you know

I can't tell you how often there's some situation where I go Hey, bud, right, you know, we can't do that again at a comedy club. Yes. But he is the guy that I promise you, probably my only friend, who if I went to his house and goes, hey, something bad happened. We got to get rid of this body. You know, he would just be like, all right, let's do this. You know, and I mean, he really would. And that's scary a little.

Yeah, it is. But that's the kind of humans you want. And that's scary a little. Yeah, it is, but that's the kind of humans you want. Because all these rules that we have are all just created by humans. We've agreed to them as if they're unbreakable doctrine. Listen to me and listen very carefully. If the power goes out for too long, all those rules are bullshit,

and that guy who will bury a body for you is the kind of person you want on your team. A hundred percent. Also, if the power goes out, I'm probably going to show up to your place. I got a spot for you. Be in the gym. Yeah. Can I just be in your gym? I've thought about literally setting up a ranch out here.

Yeah. Just specifically for if things go sideways. Yeah. I think you're pretty set up. This place is safe. It's not that safe. Dude, if things go sideways, it's not safe anywhere. We have to understand that this society that we have that stays civil and beautiful and equitable and we have all this change that's happening in the world,

this is only possible if you can get goods and services to people and if people have access to information. It is not hard to shut that off if the power went out in this country if someone attacked the grid and just destroyed our power grid and destroyed our satellites if there was a coordinated effort by multiple superpowers to just destroy our satellites destroy destroy our grid, we would be in chaos quickly. Pretty fast, yeah, yeah. Quickly, very quickly. And then if it lasts too long and there's some sort of a hostile military takeover of the country, you're living in a totally different world than the one you live in now.

Now you live in China, and you never thought that was possible. You thought that, you know, you would be able to just exist here and demand universal basic income. And you would have all these ideas in your head about the border walls, racist and this and that. And then all of a sudden you live in a world that's unrecognizable. And that's just an example of what could happen if someone acts, if a human being does something, which is very similar to what other human beings are doing right now all over the world. What's happening right now in Ukraine, what's happening right now in Israel, that is human beings launching bombs at people they've never met. That's happening for sure.

The idea that that is not going to happen here is just stupid. It's stupid. If you're living in Gaza right now, think about that reality. Think about the reality of where you used to sleep at night is now rubble. Everything around it is rubble. If you're lucky and you can see that because you're alive yeah but some women have to deal with cat calling joe listen it's always good to move forward like it's always good to call out bullshit but at a certain

point in time you need perspective you know don't clean your bathroom while your fucking house is on fire shit you know figure out what the fuck we need to do to make sure we don't blow ourselves up. And that's just if humans act. The real thing is stuff from somewhere else. The real thing is asteroids. That's the real one, kids. If you look at the moon, that's us.

The moon is pelted, pelted by asteroids. There's craters everywhere. You look at every other planet that we could see, they all get hit. You look at the surface of our planet, there's craters everywhere. Everywhere. This fucking place gets hit a lot. I don't like to think about space for those reasons. Nobody likes to think about it. Well, because i can't control anything but me right and so if i can't even control

the people in my you know the yeah governor can't even control that guy the space just seems so big going like oh an asteroid what are you gonna do what's the plan for an asteroid there's no plan right now i think they've got some theories of how to do something but last time i spoke to someone who's an expert on the subject he said it was about 10 years away from them being able to actually successfully divert asteroids and then also you got to spot them all yeah some of them are coming from behind the sun and apparently the way the gravity of the sun works, because it's so massive, it distorts the view of things that are coming from behind it.

Yeah, the asteroid goes, how about a sucker punch? A little sucker punch to Earth, they won't be ready. That's what it is. That's what it is. Bro, have you ever looked at the size of our sun in comparison to Earth? Yeah. And then looked at other suns in comparison to our sun the biggest suns that are out i don't know there's other suns that's that's where i'm at

educationally i don't even know there's other suns stars other stars stars are suns okay but the really big ones are bigger in proportion to like what you see Earth and the Sun and they see the Sun and it they're bigger than that Like these things are so big. I hate Neil deGrasse Tyson or whatever that guy's name is I hate you you suck in my opinion I think you're a bozo, but he did say a really interesting thing once where he was talking about aliens It might have been to you. Why do you hate him? Well, he said this thing I'll'll get to that in a second. Okay.

He said, he goes, he was talking about life on other planets. And he goes, saying that there isn't life, you know, other than us is like taking a thimble of ocean water and going, look, there's no whales. There's no whales in here. And it's really like, that's a great analogy. Like, of course there's life out there. Like, of course there's life out there. Yeah, most likely there's life. So this is just showing the relative sizes. Oh my gosh.

So you go all the way from Earth to the sun, and now Sirius A, and then look at this one. Look at Polux. And look at this one, Arcturus. Now look how much bigger they are than the Earth. Look at this one. Look at that one, Aldura. Where's this guy? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Wait. Just wait. Look at this motherfucker. What's that? Is that God? That's a blue hyper-giant star called Pistol Star. The one just called God. No, no.

Look, he keeps going, dude. What is this one? No, these are the stars. This is how crazy the universe is. Look at that one, Stevenson. Now, no, no, no. We're not done, these are the stars. This is how crazy the universe is. Look at that one. Stevenson. No, no, no, no. We're not done.

Look at the size. No, no, no. Bro, look at the size. Black hole. Of a black hole. Super massive black hole. A bigger one. No, look at the size of this one.

This is blowing my mind. Bro, there's black holes out there that are the size of galaxies. This is blowing my mind. Bro, there's black holes out there that are the size of galaxies. Joe if we were on mushrooms right now, I would be quiet for about four minutes after this just going Okay, can you give me four minutes to just look at your roof for a second? For sure. That's insane. Dude. Look at the size of these galaxies too. 220 light-years across 1,862 light years across. Look at this one. 54,000 light years across.

There's us. 105 Milky Way. Do you ever been to a place where you could really see the stars at night? Yeah. That's one of my favorite things about being like camping. Camping out in the dark and beautiful it is. It's really beautiful. It's wild,

right? When you go, that's up there all the time? Do you think aliens are looking at us going, this guy's all losing his mind over a slam dunk? You know, he's going like, they're all, everyone on this planet is going, that guy slam dunks the best. When you look

at the world, like the universe like that, and you go, all these earthlings are wearing the same shirt as that guy that dunks the best. Not the guy that survives the best, not the guy that can feed the most or is the most noble. We're all losing our mind about the guy that made the most three-pointers. Well, I think it all has to do with war.

That's what I think. How so? I think the desire to be good at competitive athletics the roots of it are all in war. It all started in war. That's what I think. And I think that that instinct to dominate

and to get better at one-on-one competition or team competition all started from tactics and strategies in war. And that desire, that human reward system is still in our heads. And we know that we don't want to do that anymore. So we have to find other ways of doing it. A little game. Yeah. And we know that we don't want to do that anymore. So we have to find other ways of doing it. A little game.

Yeah. So I think the aliens would realize like, oh, their human reward system got hijacked for something that doesn't even matter. Right. Like I play pool. Right. I love pool. And when I play it, it's like if you watch it, it's like why do you give a fuck if the ball goes in the hole? Well, it's the goal.

Right. That's so stupid. Right. But it's this coordinated mind effort thing that ignites that part of the brain that wants you to be good at war. That's why we love competition. That's why we watch – it's like a built-in reward system in our mind. And then also, if we're a society that's constantly looking to innovate, we're constantly looking for people that are pushing the boundaries of whatever they do, whether it's music, whatever they do, comedy. Pushing the boundary, like someone who's at the front of the line just out there chasing it. Yeah.

Because that sort of applies to society as a whole. So if someone's doing that in a very public sphere, like playing in the NFL, it excites the energy of the people to do more things. I think it's like a tribal reward system that's in our head too. That's interesting, yeah. Like a little mini- Yeah. So I think the aliens would recognize that. I hope.

I think they would say this is probably a normal progression of territorial apes, then territorial apes with nuclear weapons, you know territorial apes then territorial apes with nuclear weapons and the territorial apes that eventually evolve and then go out into the stars that's probably it's probably how it always has to happen neither one of them died and that one's better because i don't think that one competition i don't think you ever get the kind of innovation that you have today or that you probably had in the past i don't think you build the pyramids without competition effects yeah yeah there's there's something about that aspect of the human spirit that we want to compete we want to win like that that that fuels us in a

way that like people are embarrassed by i think sometimes it's one of the things they hate about trump we're winning we're always gonna win we're winners yeah they're losers i like that about all losers if you read his book i don't read any books i listen to books yeah i listen i listen to about about 10 000 books a year that's what i'm doing joe i'm reading 10 books a day i heard there's another guy who does that oh yeah yeah yeah? Kindred spirit to me. So I listen to about I listen to one book probably every week and a half. Because Audible, you can crank them out.

I'll be playing video games or driving or on an airplane or something. So I just listen to a lot of books. I'm trying to think why I brought that up. What were we saying before the book? Trump winning. Oh yeah, Trump's book. Thank you, Jim. The Art of the Deal.

He's always talked like that. Yes. Even before he was president. So if you know that that's just kind of how he is, you'd have totally understood that that's how real estate guys talk. My building's the best. It's the biggest. They go, it's not the biggest. They go, it's the best hotel. That's how he is. So once you know that

it isn't like he's lying or anything. It's just that's how the man is. Also, he comes from a different era. And by the way, he was celebrated forever. Forever. For being that. And then they turned him into a monster for the presidential campaign. Yeah.

Before that, oh, he turned himself into a monster initially because he was claiming that Obama was from Kenya. Yeah, yeah. That was a tough hill to die on too, yeah. Here's my take. Who gives a fuck what patch of dirt you're born on? Are we trying to pretend that he was, like, some embedded... It was a strange one, that one. Yeah, was he, like, an embedded enemy operative that was going to rule the country?

Because I'm not an Obama guy by any means, but I remember being like, I don't care where it is. It's a weird thing to care about. Yeah. Like, why do you care? Like, especially Obama. I mean, Trump was a lifelong Democrat. Like, most of his life he was a Democrat, which is a weird thing to care that this one guy who was, listen, put policy aside. I've said this a thousand times.

I'll say it again. That's the best president we've ever had. Most charming. He's the best representation of what we would hope we would want the world to see of America. Yeah. representation of what we would hope we would want the world to see of America. Yeah. Very highly educated, well-spoken, even-keeled, emotionally balanced, brilliant man.

Not too black. Who was, but also pulled himself up from hard times. And likable. Single mother, very likable, very charismatic. So all those things, and you care what patch of dirty was born. Right. You should really care like what are the policies what's what's what's good what's bad what's good for business what's bad for business what's good for the the world order the economy what's good for you know

international relations that's what you should be king and that's the adverse problem with trump right is that nobody's looking at the policies they're just going unlikable uh you know talks from the hip, you know. And so, like, it's the reverse problem. We have a guy who I think, I like Trump for being America first, and I like that he's honest and unapologetic about the way he talks about other people. Like, if you don't like a guy, you don't like a guy, and he'll tell you. But he's so unlikable that that's what works against them. The media also, you've got to realize that for all these years, all these years, they were pushing this bullshit about this Russia collusion. They were talking about the Steele dossier, this fake thing that the Clinton campaign funded.

They were doing all these things to demonize him. At the same time, they were lying about the Hunter Biden laptop. demonize him at the same time they were lying about the Hunter Biden laptop it's just you got spoon fed some bullshit unfortunately and on top of that he's an easy guy to hate so it's both of those things he doesn't try to be he never played the game and so then he

he's got you know he's definitely got some stretches of the truth you know if I was Joe Rogan you know who I'd try to hang out with all the time is? who? George W. Bush oh right I think he'd be I'd try to hang out with all the time is? Who? George W. Bush. Oh, right. I think he'd be a cool guy to hang out with. He might be depressed. He might be just painting, thinking about all those people that died.

Yes, exactly. I like to think that he's just playing catch. Just painting, thinking about a million dead Iraqis. I guess that's true. But I mean, as a guy. That's one of those ones, dude. That one, like, if I was president While the Iraq you know I was responsible for that And I was still alive

I'd be like check please I don't want this fucking vibe on me There's no way you're having good days If you're a Conscionable person Look we know That weapons of mass destruction shit was bullshit We know it now

It's universally accepted Well, that's why that war was started for sure and Obama. I mean he's got a lot of deaths on his Yeah, a lot of drones a different type of ramped up then yeah, he went for the number What's the record robot went for the record the sky robots with missiles are the scariest? I know every Sam Tripoli tweet that I see is of you know some robot chasing a soldier and then touching the soldier and blowing imagine a Yemen video game imagine being in Yemen and you're on your way to a wedding and there's a whole line of you driving towards this wedding and you're like what are the odds we get nuked from the sky? Pretty good. That's got to be scary.

To be in a line of cars headed somewhere in Yemen. I just meant George W. seems cool, you know, with the baseball and the cigars and the beers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want to think about that part of it. Your cousin's a terrorist and he happens to be in the third car back. He can't do that. He's just here for the wedding. Yeah.

Don't let the cousin come. He's got metadata. You should stay home, Andre. You know, because that's what they did with some of those drone attacks. They attack metadata. I know. So if they...

I mean... If you are... I don't know what metadata is. This is what it is. So if you are texting from a cell phone, if you're calling from a cell phone, they can locate that cell phone. They can triangulate the area where that cell phone is

There's been times where they just send a missile to that cell phone. Oh my god He's in a cafe. You could be that cell phone your baby could be sitting in the crib playing a game on your phone Yeah, legitimately and the number of people that are just innocent civilians And the number of people that are just innocent civilians versus the number of targets that get killed by drones is off the charts. You don't even know what your dad does for a living. You don't even know how he's making money. You're a baby.

Yeah. You're like watching a YouTube video. Oh, my gosh. You get hit with a missile. This is why America's great is that I don't, you know, you don't, we have the luxury of, at least I do, I have the luxury of not thinking about that all day. Yeah. It's crazy. You know the people that think about it are the drone operators. They go through a very bizarre state of PTSD, apparently.

See if you can find anything on that, because I was reading something about that, like that's a weird PTSD that a drone operator's get. To be separated from it? Well, dude. It's like playing Call of Duty all day, but you're really killing people. Yeah, people are really done I had a guy watching him on a screen. I don't think he would Want me to say his name? I want to say so um, but he was like I'm I'm Joe. I met this guy For I'm pretty good at making friends pretty quick. I'm just chatting him up at the bar in San Diego Military guy he's all jacked. He just seems like a like a cool guy he's like oh i know your comedy

man you're friends with josh and blah blah so i just chop it up with him i'm probably talking to this guy for minimum five minutes and i go what do you do man he's like oh i'm in the military and i was like you know san diego so i go oh nice well thanks for your service i do the whole thing and he goes you want to see like yeah i didn't think anything of it. He pulls up on his phone a drone attack that he did. And it looks like a video game. That's the only context I have of what a video game would look like. And there's a guy here, a guy here, a guy here. And he gets the one guy.

The two guys run away. And then a dog was like right next to that guy. The dog's fine, too. And he was gone. See that? Got that guy. And even the dog lived. And those two guys next to him i got him and in my but i've never seen anything like this in my life and i look at this guy and i go wait wait that guy's dead now he goes yeah that was i i did that like literally like last week and he's showing it to me

on his phone he's got like a saved file to a stranger that he met five minutes ago. I don't think that's legal. Really? I bet that footage is like highly classified. Really? Yeah, I bet you can get really fucked. Well, it's good I didn't say his name. This is the conclusion of a study on it done in 2021.

And right here it says because if they admit psychological issues, they could lose their job. So there's not a lot of known. It's like the concussion thing in the NFL. Yeah, like they're saying in this whole study, like they know there is something here, but because it's really hard to study and it's all secret. I mean, I think it has to be a thing.

There's no way you could be able to launch missiles out of a robot in the sky and accidentally kill 80% civilians. And feel nothing. Yeah. Yeah. What is the actual numbers of civilians killed in drone strikes? I know we've done this before, but I can never remember. But it's kind of nuts.

It's not like it's 50-50. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be great. 50-50 is like negotiable. Half. You know, the guy's a really bad guy. He's going to kill a million people with a nuclear bomb.

We could bomb his apartment building and kill a few unfortunate folks that happen to be in the vicinity, but we have to get them. That's why it's good to be a comedian. Oh, my God. The decisions I have to make. So much better. Yeah. It's so much better. Yeah, but also just the thinking about, you know, because the guy that I'm referencing, he didn't make those decisions.

He's been trained to do that. Yeah yeah someone else has to make that decision I just don't think he's supposed to show people that video it was right I don't think you're even supposed to have that I haven't shut the fuck up about it since it happened that was like four years ago five years I was gone I just couldn't believe it it's what it's fucking nuts yeah there's so many of those videos now you can see so much war footage now. How do you see all this stuff? I remember a long time ago they showed you two girls, one cup. That was Red Band, yeah. But your reaction was like, man, this is nothing.

I've seen, you know, and then what you referenced, we all, as fans, go, what is he talking about? And then we find that stuff, we're going, holy shit. Yeah. But, like, what is the, I don't even know what the dark web is. Well, you don't have to go, I don't do that. But, like, what is the, I don't even know what the dark web is. Well, you don't have to go, I don't do that. But just on Instagram alone. Now?

Every day. Yeah. Now. Instagram is bananas now. But back then, you knew where stuff was. Oh, you, US airstrikes. Okay, hold on a second. US airstrikes killed at least 22,000 civilians since 9-11. So what is the, that's the number of people that were killed.

But like, what's the percentage? Because there was a crazy percentage of casualties that were not, you know, they're just civilians. It's just civilians. Oh, no. Right, but I'm saying, what is the percentage? There was a percentage number. Something nuts, like over 80% civilian deaths. You'd think it'd be like 400, right? You'd go,

oops, 400. Not, oops, 22,000. The death this year was during Trump. 2017 when at least 4,931 civilians were likely killed, the vast majority in coalition bombings of Iraq and Syria. However, going

by maximum estimates, 2017 emerges as the worst year for civilians, with up to 19,623 killed, almost all in the bombing campaign against ISIS. Death toll from U.S. airstrikes, 387,000 civilians who are believed to have been killed by all parties during the war on terror. Wow. I take it back. I get why the aliens go, oh, I get why he likes the guy that dunks. Yeah. That guy didn't-

It's way better than doing that. Way better than this. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, no one can imagine a world without that stuff. That's what's crazy. If you said to people, like, what are the odds there'll be no war in five years? Everyone's going to say fucking zero.

Okay, here it is. Suggests that civilians make up between 7.27% and 15.47% of the deaths in U.S. drone strikes in Pakistan. Hmm. This doesn't include, just those three places, doesn't include like Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran. Hmm. I've heard it like way skewed in the other direction. Sure. I'm also under the assumption that this data isn't going to be most prevalent in a search.

Right. But it seems like there's got to be somebody who compiled that. I'm looking, but I still like getting lost in different websites that are old, from 2014, when people were talking about this a lot more. different websites that are old from 2014 when people were talking about this a lot more and there's nothing just like saying the number right up front it's so it's it's a crazy way to kill people it really is it's just i mean and ultimately we're probably going to look at this the way we look at cannonballs You know like cannonballs now are ridiculous because we have missiles Why would use a cannonball when I could just ball wrecking through we have hypersonic missiles hypersonic missiles are a real thing

The human beings are created they can change direction in the air That's amazing. You can't figure out where the fuck they're going and by the time you do they've already hit Yeah, they go faster than the speed of sound. Imagine a cannonball coming at you. You go, are you still using this? What is this? Yeah, so Murphy misfired claim that eight out of ten U.S. drones missed their target. Eight out of ten?

They're saying that this is not the correct quote. He fucked up by saying that. That's not accurate. Oh, he just made it up. Well, I'm glad they made it the headline, you know. That's good for guys like me. Yeah. Either way, civilian death tolls calculated between.

So here's the other problem, too, that I've been told. The problem is a lot of times when they get their death numbers, they're getting them from the ground. They're getting them from people on the ground, and whether it's ISIS or whoever, will exaggerate the amount of civilian deaths. Oh, okay. And so to make it look terrible, I mean, this is one of the reasons why Hamas does things in hospitals. Yeah. They just killed those guys in hospitals the other day. Don't they live under the hospitals and stuff, or that's where the base is?

Supposedly. I don't know enough to comment on that, but I do know that that's what they've always said, that these guys operate in places where you can't bomb, like hospitals. And it turns out that was true in this case. They killed these three guys at a hospital. It was true over a five-month period in Afghanistan over a decade ago. Wow. That 8 out of 10.

8 out of 10. That was accurate. So what did he get in trouble for saying it for? Because he was telling, I don't know. So what were you mad at Neil deGrasse Tyson for? I'm not mad at him. I'm annoyed that a man of science would say things like, you know, I like to get my information from smart people. I like to think that a guy like him, who's very smart, would say a smart thing that has no emotions linked to it.

You know, like you like to think, like, give me the facts. You know, give me some stuff. Which he does with a lot of things. Yeah. I used to really like him a lot. And then he'll say something like, you know, someone will say, well, like biologically, we have a male and a female has chromosomes, different chromosomes than a man.

You can look at the bones of a man and the bones of a female. And despite what's going on in your emotions and in your soul or spirit or whatever we want to label it, if we're just talking about the biological makeup of something, we can put them into two categories. Yes. Forget what your spirit is or your essence or how you feel. If we're just looking at the meat and bones and cells and chromosomes of something,

we can make biological arguments that there is a male and a female. And then his argument goes, why do you care? What do you mean, why do I care? You're the man of science. You should tell me that that should be your argument, is that if we're just looking at biology

and not the spirit of someone or whatever, the feelings. And instead his argument is, why do you care? I care. I want you to tell people facts about things scientifically not just go what does it matter you go well when you go on about the cosmos what people don't go why do you care we care like that's not a good scientific argument for things and he's really jumped ship on science as a science guy. Yeah, it's bizarre.

It's strange. It's a mind virus. And it's a mind virus that demands compliance. You have to comply to this ridiculous new ideology. And a part of that, and this is where it really annoyed me about his argument, was that that should apply somehow to sports. Oh, yeah. And this is where this is going. This is why it's so crazy.

That is absolutely insane. That's absolutely insane. This is not saying that people shouldn't be allowed to be transgender. Of course they should. You should be allowed to do whatever you want to do. We can treat them nice, but then also have facts. But you cannot just say you're a woman and compete with women in sports. And if you support that, that scientifically that is untenable

like that's just scientifically with the amount of data that we have about the difference between differences between males and females in sports yeah the gap is so wide that you're gonna have your outliers they're extraordinary females and your weak men and they're gonna kind of cross they love to use those examples yeah but those examples aren't valid because if you take a biological male of normal athletic ability competing against a biological female who is elite of elite the biological male has massive advantages especially in things like combat sports so they just passed a thing allowing biological males to identify as females and box females. That's crazy to me.

And I don't know what parameters they have. You can't just be making weight. Because if it's just making weight, like, holy shit, are you testing testosterone levels? Are you making sure? Because what are you doing? Yeah. Like, what are you doing?

There's a reason it's separated. It's so crazy to let them do this. Because there are people that are legitimately transgender. And they, again, should be able to do whatever they want to do. But there's also people that are out of their fucking mind. Be reasonable. That's all it is. And there's people that literally, if you allow them to pretend to be a woman and beat women up, they will do it.

Yep. Well, it's funny. I use Brendan Schaub in the bit. I'm doing doing on my special the last cowboy in la i have a bit where i talk about um fallon fox right and i'm because i used to be one of these guys i'm a comedian i want everyone to laugh i want to i want to be the clown people go this i saw the clown it made me happy yeah going to work tomorrow happy you know so i used to be one of these guys that goes i don't you know hey i don't know ask someone else you know that used to be one of these guys that goes, I don't know. Ask someone else.

That used to be me from Seattle going, hey, I don't know. I don't know. Can you believe they're letting a woman fight in UFC? She's a biological male who- It wasn't the UFC. It was in a smaller organization. And then I say to myself, hey, I don't have no opinions. But then you watch it, and it's like the one girl in the corner i'm tamika you know and then this could then go versus

fallon fox like and i was like oh maybe i have some opinions like i wait they're gonna let them fight like yeah that's when you start going maybe i do have some and you saw the fight and i go all right i formed a few opinions about this subject it looked like domestic violence it was crazy you like that We don't like it. And then you hear the voice and you're like, what the fuck? But you can't watch that

and then still be like a tepid guy who's like, oh, you know, I don't really have an opinion on this. Let them do what they want. Back then, Neil deGrasse Tyson

wasn't chiming in like this. Ever. No. So this is, he got caught up in that same silly mind virus. Look, it doesn't mean you're not a compassionate person that recognizes that there's a whole wide variety of human beings that feel different than you.

Sure. And we should be open-minded to that for sure. But you should also protect women. You should protect women's sports and protect women that are forced to, in high school, in college, and even in some professional sports, forced to compete against people that have significant physical advantages. Yeah. And I bet a lot of those people are out of their fucking minds. How about tell me what percentage of them have mental issues?

Right. What percentage of these people that are doing this have mental issues? There's probably a lot. Yeah. And you're allowing them to get all this credit and all this extra love. Yeah. Because people lean in. You've seen comics

lean into their audience and become a different person because they develop a certain audience and they kind of, like, oh, this is, I'm going to lean into that. People lean into everything.

Right. They'll lean in to being a woman. You know? They'll just decide. They're like, look at all the love I get from being a woman. You put the lipstick on. Oh girl, you look so good.

Thank you, baby. And then you're all cosplaying. And they lean into it. There's also legit trans people. There's legit people that really should be a woman. Nature just fucked you. You got a shit hand of cards. Or got all jumbled up or whatever it was.

Why do you care? Oh my God. Well, I'll tell you what. If I had a daughter that's trying to get a swimming scholarship, like, then you care. Then you care. Yeah. You start to say, well, I'd like for someone smart and famous and someone who could be on a thing like this to maybe say these things instead of just going, well, why would you

care? Some people care. There's people that care about these subjects. Ari sent me this karate fight the other day. I'm already in. Between this guy and a girl. And it's so quick and so violent. It's so disturbing.

It's so disturbing that someone let this happen in the first place. And I think they're both black belts. Okay. And this guy manhandles this lady so quickly and so awfully. If you can't find it, I'll find it. You want me to send it to you? I'm making sure this is it. Let me see.

They're both wearing white karate gis, and they're standing apart from each other. Here it is. Look at this. Oh, that first one was... Bro, this is like... What's that last one? He's a dick. He's a dick. What was the leg thing she's doing here?

She's just tapping. Yeah, but that last part. And then he just bitch slaps her to the ground. That's the difference between males and females when it comes especially to combat sports. It's not fair. There's not a world where that's fair. Yeah, and if you do think that this is fine, you know, make a men versus women NFL. Let's just do that. Let's do it.

If you really think, you know, the men would win 60 years in a row. We'd be like, we won the championship again. The field would just be covered of broken women. Like, I broke my finger. I'm waiting for trans men or trans women in the WNBA. Like, when... When that starts, yeah. Bro, that all of a sudden

would be an exciting game. I'd watch. Yeah, we got dunks now. Not, that all of a sudden would be an exciting game. I'd watch. Yeah, we got dunks now. Not just that, but you got freaks. It's a wild freak show. And you know what it is? Seven-foot dudes with lipstick on. Even if there was a woman who was so good at women's basketball

that she could compete in the NBA, I would say don't let her do it. Because you're going to get knocked around. Yeah, because it's also like, well, that's not what we're doing here. Right. Otherwise, then the men could go play with you because they're good enough. Did you see this... I think he's a professor somewhere in Canada. He's a 50-year-old man who identifies as a teenage girl.

And so he's competing with teenage girls and swimming. I've not seen this. And they let him change in the same changing room as the teenage girls. See, these are the things that matter. So they let this 50-year-old man whip his cock out and be naked. That's wild.

In the presence of teenage girls. So apparently they put curtains up to try to shield it. 50-year-old trans swimmer shared locker room while competing against teens. The girls were terrified. and look at that crazy fuck Yeah, this is This is so nuts that I also allow that someone might be listening to this and go oh come on This is like an isolate. Yeah, but even if it happens once don't you think that's too much?

It happens one just like the found Fox thing when that happened. I was outraged I was like this is ridiculous That's a guy and people got so mad at me and I was like this is a Fox thing. When that happened, I was outraged. I was like, this is ridiculous. That's a guy. And people got so mad at me. And I was like, this is a wild thing to get mad at. I'm not getting mad at someone for being trans. Right. I'm getting mad at someone for lying and not saying they were trans for two fights.

Yeah. Two fights. Look, if you're a trans woman and a biological female agrees to fight you, I feel the same way that I feel when someone's going to ride a bull. Like, I wouldn't recommend it. Oh, yeah, yeah. But if you want to do it, I support your right to do whatever the fuck you want to do. There's a woman who fought in the UFC, Ashley Evans-Smith, and she actually beat Fallon Fox. Okay.

She beat her. She mounted her and pounded on her. But she's a really good fighter, and she made it to the UFC, where she she lost to Raquel Pennington who is the current UFC bantamweight champion so she's a legit fighter yeah, but It starts with that and If it keeps going if you can really if there's enough people that promote this term minor attracted person Oh, yeah, that term is so crazy to me that it almost feels like a 4chan troll that just went amok and just like like free bleeding

you know free bleeding was a 4chan troll. I think it was right? Didn't it start off as a 4chan troll? So they decided to pretend that real feminism is just letting your vagina just leak blood into your pants and proudly showing off your sweat. Unsanitary. It's ridiculous. And so women started doing it. It's crazy. And so women started doing it. But now imagine me going, why do you care, Joe? Yeah. Oh, so a

50-year-old's changing in front of a 16-year-old in this... Why do you care? I think we should care if it happens even one time. Let's say it doesn't become this bigger social issue. It shouldn't happen once. Well, this is the question. Do pedophiles exist?

100%. Yes. Do perverts and sex offenders exist? Yes. They exist. These are real things that we know are in the human race. Yeah. If the possibility of someone that is one of those things.

Yeah. And all they have to do is say they're a woman. They have access to dishonesty. You had a Willy Wonka golden ticket to go wherever you want. You just have to say you're a woman. You don't think that a serial pedophile would do that? If you all of a sudden, he can say it. He can just say I'm a woman.

Did you see the guy who won the LPGA tournament stop? It's not an LPGA. Whatever it is. Yeah, I mean it's. Oh, sorry. Women's golf. Yeah, it sort of matters, but that's also. I was just reading about it.

So this dude just decides he's a woman, puts his skirt on... It's happened a lot lately. ...doesn't change his appearance at all, and just murders this woman's... He didn't change anything? No, no, no. I said he did gender reassignment surgery.

He had it? Yeah. Okay. Well, at least she's hot, you know? Haley Davidson. So you have to go through the surgery. Wait a minute. Is that the same one?

Yeah. Let me see. Look at the size. This story went back to 2022. I didn't know that it's been going on for a little while. I thought the one just happened. This one just happened. Oh, this one just happened.

It's an LPGA qualifying event. Okay. That's when they add the LPGA into the headline. It makes more news than you say NNXT or whatever. That's why you shouldn't believe everything you the headline. It makes more news than you see in NXT. That's why you shouldn't believe everything you see on Instagram Reels. Yeah. That's where I'm guilty. I'll hear a guy tell me a thing in a warehouse 20 years ago, and I'm going, is that true?

Exactly. It always happens. So is this the first transgender woman to win a golf tour? I believe so, to win an event, yeah. And then what happens, though, by winning this event, she earns an opportunity to play more, which could lead to a LPGA qualifying spot. Yeah.

She did win money. Let me see. Yeah, that's the person. Yeah, man. There she is. Wild. Let's see her next to some other gals. There's one there. There, man. There she is, huh? Wild. Let's see her next to some other gals.

There you go. The claim also is that by after having all of the surgeries and stuff, lost 15 miles an hour on club head speed, which is a lot. You could gain that back, I guess, but I don't know. Yeah, well, that sounds like a lot, but also Why do you care? But don't you think it's still, but I don't know. Yeah, well, that sounds like a lot, but also a bit. Jamie, why do you care?

But don't you think it's still probably faster than the women's? Yeah, so the average for a man, it was saying, is about 115 on the PGA Tour, and the average LPGA is about 95. And it doesn't say where they were before or after. Also, is that what he said, or was that what was measured? This is just average in general. It's not, you know, it's not right here. You definitely lose something if you're on estrogen and you have your testes removed. Claims.

She lost 15 miles per hour. Yeah, her own math. You're not going to say, I have a fucking huge advantage. I've been a dude my whole life. Yeah. Yeah, you're not going to say that. They love to do that. Oh my God, I've lost 15 miles an hour.

I'm basically a woman now. Don't worry about it. I bet they love to say. I won the tournament just because I'm awesome. Yeah. Yeah, you're not going to say that. They love to do that. Oh my God, I've lost 15 miles an hour. I'm basically a woman now. Don't worry about it. I bet they love to say. I won the tournament just because I'm awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Courage. What I lack in club speed, I gained in bravery. Yeah, and not having wide hips.

There's a lot of things with hips, like the shape of hips. You don't generate the same amount of power. Like women kickers, there's such a vast difference between a woman kicker and a man kicker it's kind of stunning and i don't i wonder if like a lot of that has to do with the shape of the hips because if you get a woman who is like uh 135 pounds and ever hit a bag and then you have a man who's 135 pounds and hit the bag the difference is so stark oh yeah you're like this is crazy because your legs are carrying you around all day long right but there's a lot of other shit going on there's tendon strength there's bone

density there's there's the shape of the hips i'm sure too but it's also like there's a also something that happens to the human body when it evolves or it develops rather with testosterone Like you're gonna be stronger forever Yeah, like your net you're never gonna go back to what it would be like if you had been born a woman Yeah, like it's it's like taking steroids for 20 years Hardcore yeah, like they literally turn you in a guy and be like I'm no advantage. I'm done. I'm like I'm not taking steroids anymore We're the same. It's crazy. You were cheating your whole life. If you got caught

doing that in the UFC, you're fucking banned. You're banned for two years. And if you get caught again, I think you're banned for six years. It's something wild like that. So if you're just taking testosterone your whole life, your whole life, and all these other women are just

fucking being normal and cheerleading and going to parties you're competing against them that's insane I know a girl who's a professional foosball player

Kelsey Cook the comedian Chad Daniels' girlfriend I don't know why I said that but anyways I love them and she's

she's talking about foosball I find it interesting because I don't know anything about foosball and I go oh this is probably one of those sports where the men can play with the women because it's foosball and she goes it interesting because I don't know anything about foosball. And I go, oh, this is probably one of those sports where the men can play

with the women because it's foosball. And she goes, I hate that I'm admitting this to you because she knows I'm, you know, a guy, a man's guy. And she goes, men have an advantage in foosball. And I go, even foosball? And she goes, yes, because it's like that torque of a man's arm versus a woman's arm. Even the arm.

She goes, the men can hit it harder, the spin rate. So even something as what we might think is a frivolous kind of thing like foosball, even that, there is just so much of a difference. How about chess? Men have an advantage in chess. Really? I did not know that. Yeah.

How? I don't know. Yeah, that's interesting. But for whatever reason, maybe it's more men do it. I don not know that. Yeah. How? I don't know. Yeah, that's interesting. I don't know, but for whatever reason, maybe it's more men do it. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the mind, the way the mind works. It's different, the competitive mind. Yeah. I don't know if it's actually showing

it's coming from a tweet. Men have a large and consistent advantage over women in spatial ability, of which chess relies to a large extent. And this is a difference in average not just at the high end the male advantage is present pre-puberty is present across cultures and time um another one is pool the best professional female pool players never win male tour events interesting they're allowed to enter them men can't enter women's events but women enter like there's certain like major events that women enter all the time,

but they never win them. Well, a smart man would say, why do you care? Why do you care? Because it's a statistic and it's a sport I care about. I think it's interesting. Look, there's a lot of women that are really good and they can beat a lot of men. They beat a lot of men. But when they get to the very top, like when you're playing through a pool bracket, say if there's 100 or so professionals that are in this tournament, they're playing in this double elimination bracket. So you lose once, go to the one lost side,

you lose there, you're out of the tournament. So you running against killer after killer because there's 100 professionals there. And there's a high likelihood that someone gets a bunch of good rolls, you scratch on the break, a bunch of of things happen person runs out a lot and you lose you know seven nothing to some person and that person happens to be a chick that's totally possible you could lose to a woman but over the course of the tournament that luck will wear out

and the elite male players will beat the elite female player I didn't know you're so into pool where do you play pool like you personally oh you play tables here but also you know I'll go places where I could play I played Amsterdam billiards when I'm in New York City yeah I'll go to pool halls yeah I don't that's such a bar game it is a bar game but the type I play is like tournament professional style pool. It's a different kind of pool. It's not like eight ball. I play mostly nine ball and ten ball, and it's a rotation game.

I have not, but it looks very difficult. It's fucking huge. That table's gigantic, and the balls are little, and the holes are little. And it's confusing. Yeah, I don't understand it. We were in Thailand. We were like, let's play pool. We walked over there. We were like, this is a different table here. Yeah, I don't understand it. We were in Thailand. We were like, let's play pool. We walked over there.

We were like, this is a different table here. Yeah, I don't even know what to do. I don't even know how it works. I like watching it, though. It's cool when they're really good at it. Because I know how hard it must be to be doing that. They used to make a shit ton of money. But there was one guy over there that was a big top guy that got busted fixing a game.

How? They caught him on camera. They got a hidden camera. See? They caught him on camera. They got like a hidden camera. See if you can find that story. Because he was like a top dog. Just put the ball in with his hand? Well, you just miss. Oh, I see.

Yeah, it's not hard to do at all. Wait, what do you mean? So that doesn't- You could fix a pool match. So say if I'm a gangster and you're a killer pool player and you're going to play some guy and I'll say, Jeff Dye, I got a proposition for you. I'm going to give you $100,000 to blow this game. So you're the favorite in the game.

So maybe there's a lot of people gambling. Yeah. I'd be good at losing. Yeah, you lose on purpose. Yeah, yeah. That's how it works. You can lose on purpose. So is this the story, or is this the match?

I thought there was a way he was fixing it to win. Dennis Taylor is caught cheating. No, it's not him. What did he do? I don't know. I don't understand the game. I don't know how he could do this. Sharp-dressed guy.

Look at these guys. I wonder how he got caught cheating. Gentleman's game. I figured it was it. Putting an extra red ball on the table. He just literally added a ball. That's hilarious. He climbs on the table and still misses.

You allowed to climb on the table? Look at this guy. And he touched the... Are you allowed to climb on the table? This might have been a celebrity match, I feel like. Oh, it looks like they're all laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not that. It was like a bribery scheme. He was caught fixing

snooker games, and it became a criminal investigation. Because there's so many people that gamble on snooker. Sure. Ten people charged investigation because there's so many people that gamble on snooker. Sure. 10 people charged, that kind of thing. Yeah, that's probably it. Match fixing scandal.

Yeah. How long ago was this? This last year. Oh, no, this is a new one. 10 Chinese players. Oh, wow. Listen, pool players are dirty. They're dirty people.

Not all of them. It's a bar game. But a lot of them. It's a game where dudes will dump you. You have to have a really good relationship with your backers, and you've got to spread money around if you win. You've got to make sure that people don't dump on you because there's a lot of gambling involved.

Say if you and I were in a match and we're two top players and you've got a bunch of people that are coming from fucking Cincinnati and Kansas City and Chicago they're coming to watch this match and there might be a half a million dollars on the side sure it might be more yeah it happens all the time with top place John Higgins that's the guy banned for six months but cleared of match fixing not guilty tough to prove maybe isn't it where the gambling is so prevalent in sports now? What did he say, though?

He said something. Like, they were talking to him about fixing the game. There was a recording, right? I just, I'll look into this, yeah. He was also, like, a very beloved player. Interesting. But the point is that, like, you know, that can... Undercover reporter discussed the possibility of throwing frames.

Yeah. Okay. Mooney discussed the possibility of throwing frames, which is like fixing a game, like missing, with the undercover reporter. The news of the world's Mazur Mahmoud for weeks before the trip to Kiev. before the trip to Kiev. Unbeknownst to Higgins, Mooney had taken him to Kiev specifically to discuss the matter of throwing frames, but had not raised the possibility

of the subject might come up until minutes before the meeting started. Mills said he was unimpressed by Mooney as a witness and found much of his account highly implausible. Hmm. Hmm. Ruling that he should be banned from the sport for life. Ooh.

His lawyer said in a statement, Mr. Mooney bitterly regrets being caught up in the news of the world's entrapment and is unresolvedly sorry for the impact that sting had on Snooker and Mr. Higgins in particular. Interesting. It is fascinating. So far, there were some lies. How latent gambling is now.

Where it's like, I'm not an old man or anything, but they used to act like nobody was gambling on football or basketball. And now they'll just have the spreads right up on the screen. They're just like, here's the betting lines. It's like weed, I guess. The way the government's like, we're just going to get in on this. Yeah, well, that's the right way to do it, especially in America. Look, gambling's dangerous. It's dangerous.

I've seen people go fucking crazy gambling. I know people who are gambling addicts. It scares the shit out of me. But I think it should be legal, just like I think weed should be legal, and I think alcohol should be legal. I think you should be able to be responsible with your own decisions and make your own choices and get your fucking shit together. The problem is not gambling.

The problem is gambling addicts because I can go and gamble, and I'm smart about knowing that this is very addictive, and I do it, and I get the fuck out of here, and it was kind of fun, and then I live my life. You're not going to lose your house. But I know people that gamble constantly. I know some guys, yeah. Constantly.

Dana White's a maniac. Really? But Dana's not going to lose his house either. So it's like he can... Hey, man, he fumbles. Really? Gambles. I like guys like that.

We went to visit him at the Red Rocks Casino, and at one point in time, he was down $600,000 playing blackjack. That's insane. And he wasn't even nervous. Really? He wasn't even sweating it. Wait, he was gambling on blackjack? That's a weird thing. That shows you might have a problem. My buddy Josh, I go, I think you have a gambling problem. He goes, no, I don't, dude. I go, you just bet $4,000 on women's, you know,

Utah State College best just because it's on. And he's like, yeah, I think you got a point. Maybe I do have a problem. It's like, if you're betting on this, you don't even know if these girls are good. But that makes watching a game so much better, too. Yeah, for sure. If you could just be reasonable about it. If you bet on a game, just bet whatever you can afford.

If it's $100, bet $100. If it's going to make it more exciting. For sure, yeah. Come on, you fuckers. Come on, you fuckers. I'll pay a little. I'll pay a little to care. Yeah.

Yes. You care so much more. If you have a stake in it. You're down to a note, son. I suck them down, dude. Yeah, I'll have another one. Yeah, have another one. My crush. You're not a freshie.

That's a little too down to the wire. A little too close to my nose. Thanks, brother. The tremors are on the back of that sucker. You ever, I tried to buy a Terry Bradshaw. I was like, you know, he's a guy like you. I brought you cigars because I don't, I figure, you know, just a ever, uh, I tried to buy a Terry Bradshaw, like, I was like, you know, he's a guy like you.

I brought you cigars because I don't, I figure, you know, just a man-to-man, I want to get you something nice. Thank you. Appreciate that. It's not like I thought

you'd see the cigars and go, oh, what is that? You know, just to bring you something. You know, it's nice. It's what gentlemen do. Yes, thank you.

So for, uh, I go to Terry Bradshaw's house for one of these things, and I was like, I wanted to get him something for Father's Day, so I got him, like, these nice cutters, you know.

A few hundred bucks for these cutters, you know, it's like, what's the nicest cutters for cigars? And I, he's like, thanks, man. He reads the card. Thanks, bub, love you. And then, like, I go to, you know, later on, I'm at the ranch, he's got this huge humidor, 40 of those cutters, just, like, laying around. Like, he's got the nicest of like everything. I've never seen nothing like this.

This is wild. Yeah, that's a Calibri. It has a little cutter on the back. It's nice. Multi-purpose. You can't fly with this though. No, you can't, right?

They probably wouldn't let you. I've lost a lot of torches at airports. Oh, you can't fly with a regular torch? Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah, just that.

You can't. What's the difference between that and a regular lighter? No idea. You got the wrong side. Can you fly with, no, I got it. Yeah, just that. You can't. The difference is that and a regular lighter. No idea. You got the wrong side. Can you fly with... No, I got it.

Oh, you were about to light the side you cut. You're right. I was, right? I just cut it too deep. Yeah, why can you fly with a regular lighter and you can't fly with a torch? Can you fly with a regular lighter? Can you? Yeah.

I think so. Sure. Yeah, Jamie says yes. I don't know if you can. I don't think Jamie knows. I don't work at the TSA, but I've never heard of anyone getting stopped for it. You know what used to drive me crazy? You're our information guy.

You know what used to drive me crazy? What? You can't bring a pool cue. Is it out? Here. It might be out of gas. Thanks. You can't bring a pool cue on a flight, but you can bring a skateboard.

I didn't know you couldn't bring a pool cue. No. No, it's a weapon. Didn't I know that? I was like, dude, do you know how easy it is to kill someone with a skateboard? Skateboard's heavier. You could fuck somebody up with a skateboard. You can bring two lighters.

Aha! Zippo lighters without fuel. Don't check them. Disposable and Zippo lighters without fuel are allowed in checked bags. Oh, checked bags. Yeah, lighters with fuel are prohibited in checked bags unless they, checked bags. Yeah, lighters with fuel are prohibited in checked bags unless they adhere to the Department of Transportation's exemption, which allows

up to two fueled lighters if properly enclosed in a DOT approved case. You have to put your fucking lighters in a bomb case. Just doing that. How often are lighters going off randomly? It's like a dollar. When was the last time a Bic lighter just randomly lit on fire?

Fucking never. More Teslas blow up on fire than lighters. I've never heard a single instance. Well, but I don't think you can carry it on. Maybe that's all I know. I don't check bags. I remember it used to be the case. I just thought they'd relax that.

The fucking shoe thing is so stupid. I can't believe they're still doing that. One dickhead tries to blow his shoes up. One guy. I was laughing about, this is an old current event, but when it was a new thing that we had to take our shoes off for TSA, like after 9-11, George Bush was like, even I will be going through TSA checkpoints for Air Force One.

I was like, no, not you. Fucking liar. We should be able to trust you. That's a lie. Yeah, he was going, even me. No, you won't. That's so crazy. If I can't trust the president on Air Force One.

Imagine that you have to have the president checked because he might be a terrorist secretly. Hatting down George. That's just the visual of it was ridiculous. Checking his dick. Yeah. Yeah. Do you see the ones that they scan your whole body where you see your

hog and everything? No. The TSA people can literally see the size of your dick. I don't think they use them anymore. How do I get the job of just being there? Just want to see the people. See if you can find that. Because they show the images of what it looks like for a human. So you don't see

their face, but you see their dick. Oh, wow. How crazy is that uh i got to see a bill burbit in real life look at that oh yeah that is weird see the man's dick yeah that's me actually crazy yeah that's weird crazy so i was at uh lax this is years ago and it's when the big scan the thing went around your body and uh i see bill and he's he's at csa and i i've known him for i've known of him and he's known of me since like 2008 because he played giggles comic club in seattle when i was like a young comic i go hey bill he's like hey jeff and he's like clearly irritable and he's like he's just waiting at the side and i'm going to the thing and a guy comes over to him he goes hey if i could just get you to stand over here next to the machine

because he was refusing the big scan around thing. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, no, I know you don't want to do the machine. But just stand. He goes, what kind of defeats the purpose to go stand by the fucking machine? You know, like he's like, that's the machine I don't want to be in. Now you want me to stand by it? But I got to watch the whole thing happen.

I'm kind of like, this is like a Bill Burr bit in real life. Getting to watch it happen. I'm sure he's going to talk about this on stage. It was kind of fun to just kind of see a bit formulate. Yeah, Ari used to do that too. He made them all check them down. He would not go through

the machine. I don't think it's great for you. It's not. It can't be. And we fly all the time. It can't be good for you, right? If you're doing it three or four times a week... I think the radio one is different. The one they do now is not an x-ray.

I don't know what it used to be. What did it used to be? Like, what was the original ones? Metal? The thing about those kind of things is they really don't know how bad they are for you until it's too late. Sure. Yeah, we won't know. Until ten years down the line, you realize, like, oh, that stuff kills you.

Well, cigarettes was like, you know, doctors would be like, oh, it calms your nerves. What's a millimeter wave? I've never really heard of it. Millimeter wave unit. Millimeter wave body scanner was developed at the Pacific Northwest National Laboratory. So what's the dangers? Privacy concerns. That's because it can see your painter.

Possible health effects. Here we go. Millimeter wavelength radiation is subject to a subset of the microwave radio frequency spectrum. Even at its high energy end, it is still more than three orders of magnitude lower in energy than its nearest radioic neighbor, ultraviolet, in the electromagnetic spectrum. As such, millimeter wave radiation is non-ionizing and incapable of causing cancers by radiolytic DNA-bound cleavage. Due to the shallow penetration depth of millimeter waves into tissue, typically less than one

millimeter, acute biological effects of irradiation are localized in the epidermal and dermal layers and manifest primarily as thermal effects. There's no clear evidence to date of harmful effects of the vaccine. I'm sorry. I mean, other than those caused by localized heating and ensuing chemical changes. Yeah. Ain't that a funny one? Maybe.

Yeah, maybe. Hopefully. Hopefully it doesn't hurt you. It sounds like they think it doesn't. But what did they used to use? A lot of words. What was the original one? What were the original TSA radiation machines?

I mean, I think it was just a metal detector, right? I mean, they were just like... Bro, have you ever seen the hands of the x-ray technicians from back in the day? No. Yeah, man. Just from operating it? No, yeah, the women who used to run it.

So back then, when you were an x-ray technician, you would have to test the x-ray to make sure it's calibrated, make sure it's working right. So the way they would do it, they would x-ray their own hand. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, with no-

And then over time? They did it a lot. Yeah. They did it a lot. So their fingernails are falling off. Like, look at that. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, hand of an x-ray technician at the Royal London Hospital showing damage of radiation exposure.

So this is from 1900. Why does it say oh i see bro they didn't know any better right that'll be us someday with something cell phones or have you ever seen those um something those ladies that used to uh put loom on uh watches uh no you know when you when you you know cyanide is used for that, right? No, no, no, no. It's radioactive. Oh. I think it's radium, right? They're called the radium girls.

Yeah. They sound hot. They use it in tubes. So what happened was these women, they would lick their paintbrush, you know, because you lick your paintbrush sometimes, and they would lick their paintbrush to try to form a better tip so they could do it better. And every time they did it, they got radium in their mouth. you lick your paintbrush sometimes and they would lick their paintbrush to try to form a better tip so they could do it better and every time they did it they got radium in their mouth god and they would get horrible cancers and they're fucking you know a lot of them died like see that image

that lady where her jaw was rotted oh yeah yeah that's from radium this from girls who licked radioactive paint you just remind me of the funniest thing I've ever seen on morning television. What? Yeah, so You know when you have to play a comic club sometimes they This remind me of it. Okay, try you I'm like, you know in the mornings They make you do these morning television sometimes to go promote and no it never brings anyone to the club Right and morning TV so corny everything they say is like, you know, you'll be, we got funny guy Jeff Dye here, and then you say something really vanilla, and they're like, whoa! Like, they're always so, so

easy to offend the morning show people. So, you know, it sucks. It's a terrible thing we have to do. And so they, I'm waiting, I'm hungover, I've got, like, sunglasses, I'm just like, I can't believe I have to do this stupid show, you know. And they cut to a thing, so I'm watching on the TV with the morning thing, it's in San Francisco, and they cut to, like a thing. So I'm watching on the TV what the morning thing is. It's in San Francisco.

And they cut to, like, these art vendors that are out on the side of the thing. And she's like, I'm here with a local San Francisco artist, blah, blah, blah. He's a glassblower. And he's got all of his, like, glassblowing things behind him. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen on morning television. The lady goes, she goes, isn't it true that glassblowing is, like, really hard on your lungs and it's hard on your vision and it's very dangerous? It takes years off of your life.

And this guy, without missing a beat, he goes, yeah, but to die a little sooner to put my art into the world is worth it. I was like, wow, that's beautiful, right? That's like really beautiful. And then she goes, what do you make? He's like, mostly bongs and dildos. And she's like, back to you in the studio. It was the funniest.

Like he went from being profound to just dropping. His art form is bongs and dildos. But just the idea of saying that, to die sooner, that's hilarious. Yeah, it was a beautiful one-two punch of like, yeah, just have my art in the world. Bongs and dildos. Yeah, that's like a dude from a movie. He probably heard something like that in a movie. It's too profound.

I was thinking these poor girls, they're going, yeah, but I painted a lot of clocks. Yeah, no one told them either. I think that radium, that lume on clocks and watches, it was like nobody had ever done that before. Was it like glow-in-the-dark or something? Yeah, glow-in-the-dark. They do it now in glass tubes. So like if you get a tactical watch that's like,

a good example is Marathon. Marathon makes these like military grade tactical watches that are like super durable, and they have radium tubes in it. So no matter what time of night it is, pitch blackness, you look down at that watch, and it doesn't have to be glowing in the dark. It just glows.

Cool. It's lit up. Yeah. So like lume on a regular watch, like when it has lume painted into it, what happens is when you're in the sunlight and in the flashlights and studio lighting and whatever, fluorescent lighting, it charges that paint.

And so then when you go in the dark, then it glows. And it'll glow for like a little while, like a few hours maybe. Yeah. This shit never goes out. But it's these little glass tubes. So you can find like a marathon watch. I think it's radium. Radium.

I think it's that same radioactive shit. It's just in a gas form that's encased in a tube. And I think it has a half-life of 20 years. So I think it glows for 20 years on your wrist. It's pretty sweet. No wonder it's jacking up their chins and noses and stuff. Oh, dude, it has to wreck havoc if you're licking that thing every day. Like, that is just some fucking nuclear space dust.

One of the articles I was just reading about it said that they liked it so much they were also painting it on their face, fingernails. Oh, gosh. God damn it. Yeah, they're like, I get free radium at work. I don't dye makeup anymore and their fucking eyes run out of their head. Isn't it funny? I have so much radium, I made it eyeliner. Show me a marathon watch.

I was just trying to find it. I couldn't find the marathon diver's watch loom. Just write diver's watch. You have a big watch, I noticed last night. This is just a digital watch. So that's what it looks like. And then we see it at nighttime.

That's what it looks like. So it's always lit. It's pretty fucking dope, actually. I don't think I've owned one, but I've seen that for sure. It's just I love those things. I love watches. And there's another company called Ball, B-A-L-L. They make way cooler looking watches.

The Marathon watch is like tactical military style watch, but Ball watches, they make these killer dress watches. But that's all got the lume too. So that looks like that. That looks great. Oh, yeah, and it's a dope the lume too. So that looks like that. That looks great. Oh, yeah. And it's a dope watch.

Yeah. Like, look how cool that looks. Ooh. And it's also radioactive. Do-do-do. But apparently it's completely, it's encased. You have no fear of it hurting you. Yeah. And if it breaks, it just dissipates in the atmosphere.

If it breaks, you lick it a bunch. Just sniff it. Just sniff it and get superpowers. Hey, my tongue's glowing. Yeah, I can see through walls. I know things now. Free radio. You were telling me you were a Bigfoot guy?

Big Bigfoot guy. Tell me about this. Here's the problem. When you grew up in an area, you're in the Pacific Northwest. That's Bigfoot country. That is. I think that's the only reason I'm so into it. Yeah.

Also, here's the thing you got to know about talking about me. It's not ever funny, and it's just something I like so much that it ends up me giving you the same arguments you've heard a billion times. Yes. Oh, it's gigantopithecus, came over the Asian plain, it's a bipedal hominid. It's just, you know. And then at the end, and every one of my friends has experienced it. Harlan Williams just experienced it when I was on his podcast.

Anytime I talk about Bigfoot, it ends up with me just going, please, Joe, can you just say it's maybe a possibility? Like that's what it always ends up being. Yeah. You said it's, I remember you one time going, there's nothing out there. Didn't you say that about Bigfoot? Hunters don't see it. That's why I don't believe in it.

Some hunters do. No, not many. People that see it are usually loggers hunters natives people that are out in the woods there's another problem another problem is dusk you see things at dusk or at dawn it's very confusing bears walk on two legs all the time i have personally watched bears walk on two legs and if i didn't know any better and if it was a dark environment like it was dusk you know it you like you barely can see I would think it's Bigfoot right

yeah but I do think Bigfoot existed yes there's the some insane number of Native American words for Bigfoot Sasquatch is just one of them there's a bunch of them there's a bunch of Native American words for this one animal that's fake, but all the other words they have are for real animals. They don't have a bunch of dragons. They don't have like mythical creatures in Native American mythology, but they do have this one giant man thing that definitely existed. At some point. At 100%, Gigantopithecus was a real animal. It was 8 to 10 feet tall, bipedal hominid. It was a huge gorilla-looking primate that died off somewhere around 100,000 years ago, but they don't know really for sure.

Yeah, but they don't know for sure. The thing about it is it's like if you only find fossils from 100, thousand years ago you could assume that that's that this animal at least lived then but you don't know when it went extinct right you might find some new fossil like 10 years from now they might find some new site and wait a minute these these are 20,000 years old or these are 30,000 years old or these are 50,000 years old but we either way anatomically identical human beings have been around for 500,000 years old or these are 50,000 years old, but we either way a nam Anatomically identical human beings have been around for 500,000 plus years maybe even more so or similar human beings So then we definitely interacted with them. Yeah, or they were around we were around. I think they're still around I think there's hundreds maybe thousands of them That's what I believe. I think they're in caves or something. Or maybe it's...

You know what the problem with that is? What? They're too big. The amount of food that they would need to eat, you'd have to be grazing all day long. See, if you're Bigfoot... Posted in the Journal of Zoology this month. If it's there, could it be a bear? They're saying it's black bear, American black bear.

Yeah, American black bear that stands up. But even little kids would know the difference between a monkey and a bear. No, no, no, no, no, no. First of all, let me tell you something. If you're in the woods and you're in a heightened state because you're looking around, you don't know what's out there. It's all thick woods. It's weird. Woods are weird.

Yeah. And you see something. You could trick your brain. I saw a squirrel and for like two or three seconds I thought it was a wolf really yeah yeah that's real that's real between here I'm seeing something moving in between thick trees and I see gray fur I'm like oh my god I'm a wolf yeah cuz there's wolves out there right it was I'm in Canada I'm like oh it's a fucking squirrel what the fuck is wrong with me what the fuck is wrong with you dude it, it's like people see what they want to see

Yeah, and the problem is you get something into someone's head a mythological thing whether it's a UFO or whether it's Bigfoot. I Think it's I think the world is way more slippery than we like to think and I think there's states of consciousness That people can achieve during high anxiety levels definitely during the use of psychedelic drugs. Yes. Sometimes during weird states in their life, like near-death experiences, loss of a loved one, extreme emotion, a lot going on, a lot of anxiety and fear, like you would have if you're in the woods. Sure. And then you see a light across the sky. And it might have been just a meteorite.

Right. But you're in the wrong might have been just a meteorite. Right. But you're in the wrong headspace to see that meteorite. And you just fucking, you just freak. You just freak. And maybe for a brief moment, you can see something that's been there all along. You're not defeated I am right now. I just want you to tell me, like, dude, there's some crazy stuff out there. I've interviewed a lot of Bigfoot people.

I had one joke I used to do about Bigfoot. Here's what you don't find when you go looking for Bigfoot. Black people. You're more likely to find Bigfoot than you are black people looking for Bigfoot. It's a bunch of unfuckable white guys out camping. That is a thing. It's a community of people that want to believe something that there's zero evidence for, and they're fucking locked in.

Yeah, they're hitting a tree with a stick going, like, we're going to wait for a knockback. And it's different Bigfoot researchers hitting a different tree, talking back to them. Yeah, it's like if you go to public land elk hunting, there's a bunch of people elk calling. You think, oh, there's an elk. It's a dude with a two. It's another guy. Elk. Two men doing elk calls.

Exactly. To each other. Across the ridge. That literally happens. I bet. It does, 100%. It's one of those things where I wish it was real. Me too. each other. That literally happens. I bet. It does, 100%. It's one of those things where I wish it was real.

Me too. Bobcat Goldthwait believes. Yeah, he loves it. He's all in. Did you ever watch Willow Creek? I did and it pissed me off because at the end it turns out to be,

I'm going to spoil the Willow Creek, but at the end it's just a bunch of hillbillies out there killing and blaming it on Bigfoot basically. At the end it's like-

Wait a minute, which one are you talking about? Bobcat Goldthwait's movie? I think that's what the end is. It's just some crazy people that live in the woods. It's not really at Bigfoot. Is that true? I think that's the end of Willow Creek. I don't remember how it ends. Because they kind of have this one kind of like

Blair Witch like shot and it's just a bunch of mountain people. Which is the scariest thing you'll find in the woods. People. People that want to that's that- People that want to be off that grid. There's that documentary Sasquatch. Did you ever see that?

It's like a documentary series. Yeah, and it turns out just to be the cartel. Yeah. Blame, or not the cartel, but like weed people. Weed people killing other- Blaming it on a Bigfoot, framing it to look like a Bigfoot's out there. Yeah. Yeah, they killed somebody.

out there yeah yeah they killed somebody and apparently when marijuana was you know when they were growing it up there these hippies started arming themselves yeah you know and then they had rival gang wars with people that would come in and try to steal their crop sure so they started shooting each other killing each other yeah that's what that's all about we're also like you know some cute girl that's like oh i'm gonna clip weed all summer and make five grand and hang out with other potheads who like, you don't realize how terrible that job is. Well, you're involved in illegal business. Yeah. And the cartels in that business. Like I had a friend who found a cartel grow operation on a ranch.

Yeah, they were. He works on a ranch in California and he was doing his thing out in the ranch and he found some water piping and he followed the water but they would set up these camps in like uh they would go to like national forests apparently it's big in northern california where they go deep deep deep in the woods they backpack in and then they have a massive grow up in on public land and they just get it till the time it's you know ready to harvest and then they get out of there but if someone interrupts that if they get in the middle of that they'll they'll kill them right like these are cartel guys yeah so my friend john norris he's been on the podcast before he was a game warden and he found a creek that had been redirected and he thought like maybe a farmer had

did this like what's going on maybe someone put an illegal dam on this they follow it and they find this crazy grow up with the cartel and guns and so he winds up instead of just being a game warden now all of a sudden he's got a tactical team with the tack dogs crazy and they're running in fully armed with flak jackets on, having gunfights with the cartel in the woods over weed. Yeah. I will say that that's, like, the most frustrating part about the Bigfoot subject is you got guys, like, who really, like, oh, I think an ape could, like, a pod of apes could, like, live out here and this thing. And so you'll start to, guys like me will be like, yeah, this makes good sense.

And then they'll get, like, a Native American to talk about it. And he'll be like, it's the magic man of the woods. And you're like, no. And they're like, he disappears. He flies. You can stop the rain. And you're like, gosh dang it. We were making real good ground here, making arguments for it to be an ape. I think the native Americans are right. I think that's what it is. Some sort of paranormal woods thing? I do. I think it's like, listen, if you have, let's imagine that states of consciousness can interface with other things that are around us all the time that we don't necessarily see. Now, we know that's true if you take psychedelics. And we know that psychedelics are produced in the brain.

I can imagine a moment where you are in such a state that you could see something that you would not be able to see under normal conditions. It's not outside the realm of possibility. I'm not married to it, but it's not outside the realm of possibility. Now, if that is what we're seeing with UFOs, if what we're seeing is our future, if what we're seeing with those beings

is the eventual shape that human beings will take as evolution progresses, we become these genderless little spindly things with giant heads, flying spaceships with our minds, that kind of makes sense to me.

If that makes sense, why wouldn't I be able to also see what we used to be or what we could have been? Or what other things used to live with us? And maybe it's almost like a ghost. Almost like a memory that you can access of a different timeline, a different dimension where this thing does exist. And that's why it's so elusive and it comes and goes because it's not a real material thing. It's a construct of the human psyche. But these people that are seeing it, like they might even literally be seeing footprints. It might literally leave footprint.

It might exist for brief moments. Makes it passing in and out of this dimension kind of thing. There's so many wacky stories about it. So then you have to apply the wacky stories to human psychology and say, okay, people are in a heightened state. They're in the woods. They're alone. They're nervous.

There's cats out there and fucking bears. Ah, so you're kind of freaking out already. So you're in this like weird mind state already where it seems like more things are possible out there because there's no one to help you. Right. There's no city.

There's no hospital. Can't call the cops on a Bigfoot. You got no fucking cell phone signal and you're out there alone. Like there's so many possibilities. It's terrifying. Yeah. And that to me makes sense. Like if there's a mindset that could be achieved, it's a mind state that could be achieved,

where you interact with things that aren't there all the time, like UFOs. Right. That would be when it would happen. Right. Well, there's tons of, like, interesting stories that you'll just read about, like a thing just walking behind the tree,

but if it was a massive 10-foot thing, you'd probably be able to see it come out on the other side of that tree and you see a lot of those kind of i read a lot of those kind of stories and like i don't know the heck that yeah it could be that but it could also be black bears it could be that you're just seeing things because they're freaking out yeah bears freak you out man you see a bear in the wild it freaks you out and if you see a bear in between trees oh yeah you can just convince yourself there's something then your brain plays tricks on you the memory is a slippery bitch yeah

i know especially under heightened circumstances like that like in the woods your memory's weird and it's more exciting to believe that it's real so that's what you wanna you know that's my biggest i think what i'm holding on to so much is that like i think it's so boring if we just know all the stuff on our planet. I don't think we do, but that's my point. It's way more exciting to think. Yeah.

There's Bigfoots and there's, yeah. Pterodactyls is one of my favorites. Wolf, Wolfman or Dogman or Mothman or any of these kinds of like exciting things. I, I'm, I want to believe that.

Oh, you know about that, uh, Hobbit man that they found on that Island of Flores. No, no. Hobbit man. Yeah. This is a good one for you um this is a thing that absolutely lived alongside people and i think they they don't know the the timeline of this fucker either but they think it might have been as recently as like 50 000 30 000 years ago and they were little tiny people three foot tall

like almost like ape-like creatures That's all yeah see a little baby big yeah Well like like little hobbits man And they lived on this island and they were like a different branch of the human chain that lived alongside Homo sapiens yes, you see that you just think you see a juvenile Bigfoot or something Well, there's people that have cited these things in other parts of the world still to this day. They still claim that they exist. You seen that video recently where it's these guys, I'm going to make up a place, but it's someplace like, but not necessarily Thailand.

And they're on these motorcycles and this little man comes out with like a spear and then they chase it into the high grass. But runs across the road, right? Well, it has a spear because it's kind of startled by their motorcycles. And then they're going, wow, wow, and they kind of chase it down this little trail. But then this is it, right? This is it, yeah, this little guy. Yeah. Like a tiny person.

Yeah. And then it runs into the grass and they lose it. But it's a tiny little guy. Yeah. And he's got like some sort of spear. Do you see a spear? You'll see it in the very beginning before before cuz one guy gets off his bike in the very beginning when it first comes out it has like a little spear maybe even before

this so they're riding the bike you know replays itself a lot oh so I like on loop oh okay okay yes so this when they chase him into the grass. This is when they lose him. They pop around looking for him. So they see him again? No, no. This is when they first stumble upon him. He has like a...

Right here. There you go. He's holding something. There was something. I mean, whether I get... If this is a real video, it definitely looks like there's something in the sand right here. Yeah, he's like dragging something. Jamie, does that look real to you?

You're good at this. Let me it let it play again I first their first let it play cynicism goes no that's not real but and that guy dumps cuz he's like what the hell first instinct says this is someone in that side of the world playing around with computer graphics. And that's just, they just shrunk a person. But that's just being cynical. Right. And that seems the most likely scenario. I would like to hear their voices.

Are they speaking in English? There's no sound. It doesn't seem like. On this one, probably. I feel like we have heard it before, but. It just sounds like a lot of motorcycles. It's like because they're all on motorcycles. It's like a 12-year-old GoPro video.

See, the thing about that is fascinating because you're dealing with insane jungle, like insane dense terrain. Where the Oren Pendek is, where do they think that thing exists? It's like Vietnam and some other area. But it just, if

the island of Flores had these creatures on them, like the idea that there would be just a small population of them that still existed, that seems to me to be more likely than Bigfoot. Yeah. Because that one gets seen a lot. And that looks,

the lighting on it is so strange to me. Yeah, it looks weird. It looks unnatural. It definitely looks weird. But they could doctor up a thumbnail. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Because I watch these Sir Spooks. It looks like Groot. It looks like a version of Groot. Right, but everything looks blurry there. The motorcycle looks like shit.

Everything looks fucked up. Right. And on all these videos like this, when you try to get a shoe to click on it, they doctor the thumbnail up so that you'll click on it. Yeah. Yeah. They jazz up. That looks jazzed up, right? Right.

But that's the... So it was Indonesia. Yeah. So that's where they claim to have cited this thing. But most likely it's bullshit. You know, so many people have cell phones. Oh, yeah. That's bullshit.

So many people have cell phones. The idea that no one's filmed one yet, but for sure we know it did exist. And how long ago did the Homo floresiensis, how long ago did that one live? They used to think it was like much more recent. I think they were thinking at one point in time it was only 10,000 years ago. But I think they think it's quite a bit older than that now. 50,000. So here it goes.

Okay, so initially thought to be only 12,000 years ago. However, more extensive stratigraphic and chronological work has been pushed, pushed dating of the most recent evidence of its existence back to 50,000 years ago. So that's the most recent evidence, 50,000 years ago. And Homo florensis skeletal materials now dated from 60,000 to 100,000 years ago. Stone tools recovered alongside the skeletal remains were from archaeological horizons ranging from 50,000 to 190,000 years ago. That's for the stone tools

Yeah, how about this they found quite a few of them you're out shooting these Elks right with your bow and arrow, right? Let's say you see what you see a Bigfoot. Yeah, you go away This psycho comedian on the podcast. Yeah who believes in Bigfoot and you're gonna only have it Holy crap. There it is. You shooting that thing? No. No? No, no, no, no, no, no. Why would I do that? Because then you're proved that it's... Because now if you try to tell the story, people are like,

Joe, you saw a bear. So what? Your sanity. I'll be fine. You don't shoot it? No fucking way. No fucking way. Why would you shoot it? Would you kill it? Oh, yeah. I'll kill it quick, dude.

What if you only wounded it? That's the problem. I think the more likely it's going to go, you piece of shit, and break it off. If it is a... No. It'd have to be a mythical creature to take a good shot with an arrow. I'd try to kill it. You'd shoot that sucker with it.

And then tell everybody. Like, you guys all said I was wrong. Four-cut broadhead. Yeah. Look at this head. Look at his face. I bring it right here. That's what I do.

I text you. I say, I got something I want to show you on the podcast. Put his big stupid head here. Dude. Did you see that guy who killed his dad and said his dad was a traitor? And then, like, put his dad's head on the table? No. Oh, my God.

Was this in America? Yeah. You know in America? Yeah. You know, you're kidding. Some fucking crazy psycho militia type dude. This guy. And he looks so out of his mind. What was he smiling about? You want to see the video?

Yeah. I think they took the video down, but I saved it. I'm going to send it to you, Jamie. I'll just send you the clip where the guy cuts or shows the head. Oh, my goodness. So is the video available? I just sent it to you. It's disturbing.

Don't show it on camera. But I just want you to see. Yeah. And give me some volume so you can see how casual this fucking guy is about having this guy's head. Put it. Oh my. Look at that. This is the head of Mike Moon.

That's not the first time I saw this. A federal employee of over 20 years. And my father. Yikes. For eternity as a traitor to his... I don't want to listen to that. No, no, no. I want to listen to that.

That's why I wanted to tell you that. ...treason and betray others occupy the lowest pits of hell for all time. The federal government of America has declared war on America's citizens and the American states. This is a guy who just beheaded his dad. As far left woke mobs rampage our once prosperous cities. Okay, kill it. I mean, that might be like a Manchurian candidate thing. China might have like hypnotized that dude.

Like that guy looks out of his fucking mind. And he wrote out a little thing. He might be on like a new trial medication. He typed up his little speech, what he's going to say. I'll use all these buzzwords and then I'll show the head. Like that's the fourth take or something.

His doctor prescribed a new medication called murderous militia. He killed his head. Like the way he held it up like I'm holding one of these little... Like a fish. Like, look, see this? This is Gary. It's like, this is the

brisket we're gonna cook. Here's before I trim it. That's wild. This is dad's head in a plastic bag. That's so crazy. The thing is, like, how calm he is. Right. When he's reading his manifesto and talking about this is my dad, he was a traitor, puts it down and then just goes right back to work. Like, what the

fuck? Yeah, that is insane. That was interesting. Because I'll read a thing like this soccer player came out and beheaded a referee or something like that. And it's always in some sort of place. You know, you don't think that it's in like Ohio. Yeah. That was like a normal bedroom. Like you see people Zoom call from.

What is that guy's background? They got him, right? He's alive, right? That was the mugshot bedroom, like you see people Zoom call from. What is that guy's background? They got him, right? He's alive, right? That was the mugshot we were looking at. That was a mugshot. Jesus Christ. He didn't even fight the cops, try to go down with the ship. What a crazy world.

He was charged with least abuse of a corpse amongst other crimes. At least abuse of a corpse. Amongst other crimes. Yeah, I think so. No, my dad was already dead. Just cut his head off. Imagine if that turns out to be the case. Dad died.

He said, you know what? I'm going to get some street cred. I'm going to hack his head off. Cut his head off. He said, I killed him and he's a traitor. That's possible. Weirdest stolen valor ever. He's the strangest.

One time I saw a fist fight in Seattle, Washington at this bar. And this kid just jumped up, got this big guy, sucker punch, you know, knocks him out. And then fleed because he realized, oh, I'm going to get in trouble or maybe someone's going to beat me up. And he ran from the cops. But we all saw the fight. So the police were like, would you recognize him if you saw him? I go, yeah, I'd recognize him. So they put me in the back of the cop car.

They were going to drive me around to see if I could spot him. But I figured because I'm in the back of the cop car, you know, I look like I'm a badass, you know. So I kept, like, whenever we'd drive by girls, like, I'd put my hands like this, and I'd be, like, kissing at the window, like, you know. And they're like, oh, that guy's nuts, you know. Handsome outlaw. Stole the valor of the fight kid. That's a good move. What a weird.

That shook me a little bit. What is that guy's background, Jamie? What a weird... That shook me a little bit. What is that guy's background, Jamie? He also... So they found... The wife called it in. He then drove 100 miles and broke into a Fort Indiantown gap base and stole a gun to Pennsylvania

National Guard headquarters. He was found with a gun, but he didn't resist arrest. Holy shit. I wonder if this guy... Do you think he did... Before that, there was just just like he's a guy and then he's like well cut the head off

now it's time to right do you think there was things leading up to that or is that just that's the I would imagine there were signs

right 2016 his college roommate said he thought the government was out to get him oh paranoid schizophrenia what do you think the rule is on or maybe they were out to get him

or maybe maybe they did Manchurian Canada they were looking at him for a while when I first heard the story the FBI was looking at him they were out to get him or maybe maybe they did manchurian looking at him for a while when i heard first heard the story the fbi was looking at him yeah we're looking at him yeah we're just taking him we're observing him maybe it's like some new mk ultra project i will say the signs thing so like let's say this kid does this right and then people go oh we looked at us they always do those serial killers they'll say look we looked at his facebook and there were signs and no one did anything about it.

It's because people don't want to believe that that's possible. Well, also, you don't want to look for it everywhere. Maybe the guy's just having a rough week. Right. Maybe he's not going to climb on top of a fucking church tower with a rifle. There's a guy who I got banned from the improv in Hollywood. And it's because while he was sitting there he's he's a lower level comic so he's not like past it's not like he would be working at the improv but he goes hangs out at

the improv because he wants to be a successful comedian excuse me i don't know we could i could chalk it up to alcohol i could check it up to like whatever these excuses are but what he was saying was so problematic the way he was like you know what it's coming the day is coming oh boy and i'll tell you what i've killed before and one of these you know military guys used to be a military guy and he goes he's like kind of taunting me a little bit because i you know i went and i was just on the lineup you know so i'm one of the comedians that he thinks whatever and he goes he goes you, and guys like you are worth extra points. And I was like, what does that mean?

And I said, my manager was sitting there listening to it. I go, are you like threatening me? Like, I don't understand what you're doing. Because I just want to be friends with everyone. You know, just trying to break bread. And he's like, no, you guys will all see. You guys will all see, dude. He's doing this kind of like cryptic.

I took it as like, this is a sign. So I told the Hollywood, the next day i called and i say you know maybe you don't have a guy that's bragging about how he's gonna shoot up everybody eventually because you always hear these signs go why didn't i do anything well the thing about comedy is mental ill people yes sign up for open mics yep all the time so i got him banned and then the girl bartender who works there who's a great woman she's really great she's like i can't believe you did that he would never hurt a fly i know him really well i go yeah but you might be enabling a guy like this until he pops yeah like we always say like why didn't you say anything you know like there's signs there yeah i saw the signs and i told

whereas like she's she to this day she's like I just can't believe you got it like he might not have any other place to go and he comes He comes and ruins this place. Yeah, you don't wanna doing that I was like I was fine with telling on him and you can't talk like that Even if you're never gonna do anything funny. No. Oh, well, there you go doesn't bother me Probably wasn't gonna work out anyway, that's probably why he was upset with you That's actually he said that to me. He goes I bet you made everybody laugh. Yeah, that's kind of here. Probably wasn't going to work out anyway. That's probably why he was upset with you. Actually, he said that to me. He goes, I bet you made everybody laugh. And I go, yeah, that's kind of the idea.

Yeah. That's the job. He goes, I don't even care if they laugh. I don't give a shit about any of that. And I was like, that's the whole point. Like, he was romanticizing about being the guy who doesn't. Well, those are the people who can't do it. Need the crowd to like him.

And I was like, well, but that is the job. I want them to laugh. Yeah, you're in the entertainment business. It makes no sense. He thinks he's better, like more cerebral because he doesn't get laughs. What do people do when they don't have an option? That's the only way they can find any kind of status. Their status is that they don't give a fuck.

Yeah, but it's so tired. So stupid. Yeah. Of course you give a fuck. Right, and also we don't need people that don't give fucks we want you to give some fucks it's also it's not powerful to not give a fuck it's stupid it's lazy yeah yeah it's stupid it's images like what babies do yeah you're trying to do something you're involved you're at the place of where it gets performed you're involved yeah you're involved you're at the place of where it gets performed you're involved yeah you're involved you just suck at it and so you're trying to find some way to sort of make you the more you know whatever virtuous more someone who's like cooler yeah yeah and that's all in a need to

be like we talked about a guy last night that's like he would treat people terribly but then when you'd hear him talk about people that he liked he would say like he was a real jerk to me you're like yeah i see how that made you feel that's what you do to people like you think that that you know it makes no sense well people are just trapped in their own head silly so many people are not aware of how other people are perceiving them they're trapped in their own head silly so many people are not aware of how other people are perceiving them they're trapped in their own head and they just know what they want and they get upset if other people are getting things that's it's uh it's just so toxic so bad for you but it's i think like you can learn that at pretty low like a pretty young age to go learn that do you know how

yeah do you know how you feel when people are nice to you that's how they're gonna feel if you're nice it's such a child, like kindergarten lesson. And these are grown people that you have to go, you should treat people good. That's kind of the idea. Hey man, they're artists. They're artists. So smart. They're artists, man.

That's so good. You can't be an artist. You're too handsome. Yeah, you should want them at all to not like you. You should be depressed. How can we not depressed? No way to depressed no way to no way to live it's no way to live it isn't any way to live yeah that is a powerful statement to just like with people how you doing i'm happy they go what yeah what do you mean you're happy well that's the really annoying thing about this perception of comedians that we're not supposed to be happy so dumb like says who right literally

make people happy for a living you shouldn't be enjoying yourself like like last night hanging around the green room that to me is like ultimate playground right everyone's just having fun and laughing yeah and we're just talking shit and having a good time and the idea that that wouldn't make you happy right and then you go on stage and then people laugh. That doesn't make sense. Yeah, yeah. Aren't you happy? You know what's better? It's a lot better than pouring concrete for 10 hours. Yeah. Like you're at work. Yeah, that's real work.

And we're having fun and talking. Yeah. I think that's why podcasts are so huge, by the way. Sure. Because it's the green room hang. Yes. Holding court, telling stories. Get in on it.

They listen to it. Yeah. And then they get inspired to kind of have those kind of conversations with their friends. Sure. If you're not around anybody interesting, it sucks. It sucks. 100%. It's like a kind of, it's like a social starvation.

Yeah. Part of you just fucking withers. Yeah. Part of you that likes to have a good time and have fun with cool people. yeah part of you that likes to have a good time and have fun with cool people yeah and it's also like i i love the idea that if i say something to my comedy buddies they know me well enough to go he's a comedian yeah trying to be funny yeah dude i say a lot of stinkers there's gonna be in the comments you see jeff tried to make joe laugh right there yeah but joe knows i'm just trying to make you laugh listen we don't we have no conversation At all about what we're going to talk about

Every podcast is like this we just sit down and have a good time Some of them are going to You take some swings That's kind of how it goes Also I might say something horrific And you go yeah that's what Jeff was just talking That's what talking is Especially talking and thinking in public

Out loud You bounce it off each other. I remember one time I said something terrible at a woman that was just walking by the car, you know, to my guy friends who aren't comics. We're pretty like junior college age. And my friends were like, what the fuck, dude? And I was like, I don't know. I thought it'd be funny.

And they just totally didn't get it. And it was really horrific. You tried. Yeah, I tried. And, but that's, I think about that moment a lot now that i'm with comics and i'm in these circles because they would just go yeah i know exactly what he's trying to do i did one of those jokes uh five minutes ago it's like the open mic or trying the abortion joke like hey yeah you don't get enough for this yet swing yeah you gotta learn and one of the ways you learn is by swinging and missing that's why

a lot of comics will say um and i don't, again, won't name names, but they'll be like, I just went in there, I did my set, and I got the fuck out of there. Barry Katz used to tell comics to do that. Don't hang around. You don't want to be in these circles, you know? And it's like, well, one, that's how you make friends. Yeah. When I love friends.

And they're the friends that are going to most relate to your life. Yeah, we're doing the same stuff. Yeah, exactly. And we're cut from the same cloth. It's our only group. Yeah. Right? And that's why those comics, if I were to name their names, they don't do podcasts.

And they don't go because they've never done the hang part. Right. They've only done the jokes and the Judy Carter comedy Bible of like, you write this thing. So it's like this job isn't about going up there and then leave it's about the community of stand-up comedy it's about both and part of the enjoyment is the camaraderie that's part of the enjoyment why would you want less enjoyment yeah it's no sense also like that socially they're the most fun people to hang out with for me so why would you want to deny yourself of the most fun people to hang out with socially that's why it's a like I have

to keep going to these like meetings and stuff for like for booze yeah for the drinking and I just sit in there going gotta listen to these hacks I know some of the funniest people in the world these guys telling me some stupid story like I'm just listening to stories I'm so judgmental of people's stories because I'm conscious of getting get out there's no punchline here what's the point of this story yeah and he's like the guy's just got a disease you know like he's you know he's just trying to he has to share or whatever but then a lot of people go up in front of those things and they learn how to do stand-up because they tell funny stories yeah you know who doesn't

tell funny stories joe who the mothers against tell funny stories, Joe? Who? The Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Talking about a buzzkill, you know? Yeah, that's a buzzkill. These gals, I'm just watching them going, oh, Jesus. Yeah, you don't want to be on those conversations. This is bad storytelling. Those are bad stories.

Yeah, but it is. Those are stories. It's just like, I've become such a snob about the company because I get to be around such funny people. Yeah. You know, that it's like now I'm having to listen to, you know,

a girl I like's friend talk about, you know, shopping that day. I'm being irritable about it. Yeah. Ugh. That's brutal.

Assault on your attention span. Yeah. I'm just going, I can't hear this. Well, you just got to filter those people out of your life. Yeah,

I try. Yeah, as much as you can. Yeah. Yeah. Keep your circle tight, Jeff. Sometimes you have to

be around them. Yeah. Well, listen, man, it's been very fun getting to know you, hanging much as you can. Yeah. Yeah. Keep your circle tight, Jeff. Sometimes you have to be around them. Yeah. Well, listen, man, it's been very fun getting to know you. Yeah. Hanging out with you last night was really fun. You were very funny on stage. It was a cool hang in the green room. Yeah.

It was great. I enjoyed talking to you, man. So tell everybody, social media, where they can find you, website. Yeah, so all my dates will be on jeffdye.com. I literally work every weekend all over so i'm coming to charlotte north folk san antonio dallas jacksonville orlando never come off the road every weekend i love it if i can do stand up every night five times a night that's that's what i want so it's all at jeffdye.com i love it and then i have a few podcasts um one's

called wrestling with freddie where me and freddie prince jr talk about wrestling once a week and uh it's like ufc but choreographed, you know? Pro wrestling? Yeah, pro wrestling. And then I have one called Everybody's Got a Price. Me and Josh Nelson, we just play a simple game with our guest, like how much to eat the hottest pepper in the world. And then the people that listen can say,

I'd pay Joe Rogan whatever. They make a pot of money, and then we film you doing whatever the thing is. Oh, wow. And a guest like you who would be like, I would never do that. I have money. You can then say, I'll put this much in to watch someone do it. But anyways, so that's called Everybody's Got a Price, me and Josh Nelson,

and then I have a podcast called Jeff Dye's Friendship. Oh, dude. You run three podcasts simultaneously? Wow. I like it. It's fun. Go for it. Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, I like it. Beautiful. All right. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. It was a lot of fun, bro. Appreciate you, bro. All right. I like it. It's fun. Go for it. Yeah, it's fun.

I like it. Beautiful. All right. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me. It was a lot of fun. Appreciate you. Bye, everybody.