The Joe Rogan Experience - #2098 - Shane Gillis & Matt McCusker

Episode Date: February 6, 2024

Shane Gillis and Matt McCusker are stand-up comics and the hosts of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast." Catch Matt's comedy special "At the Speed of Light" on YouTube. Shane's latest special, "Beautiful Dogs," is on Netflix.  www.mattmccusker.com www.shanemgillis.com

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Boys. Yes. Salute. Hey. Bud Light came all the way back. Cheers.

Cheers. Bud Light. They came all the way back. Matt. I can't. Do it responsibly. I'm not drinking. I can't.

Are you a non-drinker now? No, I drink. I just unfortunately have a bad tummy. Can't have gluten. Oh, yeah. I've had it since I was like 21.

Is it a Crohn's thing? No, it's like celiac. If I have it, I won't die. I'll just start burping. Celiac is rough, man. I have a buddy who didn't know he had it

until, I think he was like 25 or something like that. Yeah. It's about when you got it, right? 21, man. I have a buddy who didn't know he had it until, I think he was like 25 or something like that. Yeah. It's about when you got it, right? 21, yeah. Well, he probably had it his whole life. It just felt like shit. Yeah, maybe I have it.

You might all have it. That's terrible. You might all have it. You can put down 18 of these. There's no way you have it. Responsibly. Responsibly. Responsibly.

There's no way you're not driving. True. For some reason, you can do it. Responsibly. Responsibly. There's no way you're not driving. It's true. For some reason, you can do it, though. I don't understand. I've never seen anybody consume beer the way you can. I can drink beer. But you just stay at a level, a communication level. Well, there's no shots.

You know what I mean? Usually the guys, you start drinking like that, you're like, alright, what's the next thing? Right. Shots. That ends your night. Yeah, there's a corner I turn yeah where I'm like oh turn that corner Bud Light came all the way back UFC Shane Gillis let's go let's go let's fucking go for the rose now I, that's a good move. Like, that guy that we met, the CEO, he's got it together. Yeah.

He gets it. He gets it. I thought you were the CEO now. Just in commercial. I knew you guys were going to fucking make fun of me. Come on, man. I'm so happy. No, it wouldn't have happened without this.

Listen, I'm so happy. I'm so happy. It just made so much sense. You never let them go. You never bailed on them. In the heart of all the craziness, you never bailed. Kid Rock's fucking shooting cases up and down his ranch. That's your nemesis.

I have to fight Bobby next time I go to Nashville. You should have a duel. A classic duel. I think it was an important moment in culture where people realized there's consequences for certain things. And some people, like a guy like Kid Rock, can shoot your brand. You've got real problems with that demographic. Who would have guessed?

Who would have fucking ever thought that was going to happen? I mean, just seeing Kid Rock do that, people must have been like, oh, fuck. You think they watched it in, like, a boardroom? Like, guys, we've got to talk about this. I mean, that lady who was in charge, the one lady who made that one video. Let's move on. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Hell yeah. Wow, I didn't see that coming. Thanks, fellas. I think we've beaten that fucking horse into a pulp. It's a meaty jelly on the ground now. Yeah. It's been awesome. Yeah, it's awesome.

I'm so happy. They're smart, man. They did a smart thing. And they did a smart thing with the UFC, too. It's perfect. Yeah. It's perfect. Yeah.

They should make the fighters drink a beer before every fight. Yeah, I don't think that'd be too much of a deal. You know how they have monster cans in their knockout? Yeah. That probably won't happen, though. Why not? Yeah. Why can't you? Why can't you have a... All you have to do is put Bud Light. That probably won't happen, though. Why not? Why can't you? Why can't you have a...

All you have to do is put Bud Light on the bottle. It's not like they're drinking fucking Monster during the fight. That's what I was saying. Yeah. Are they going to say it's bad for you to have Bud Light after a fight? That's crazy. He just got punched in the head 185 times. After the fight, yeah.

I don't think that's a tough sell. I think those guys are cracking beers after. Yeah. Like the Sean Strickland-Dka stupefacy fight those guys They deserve a lot of beer after that fight use them as ice packs do like a cold. Yeah, it's like You know what I've never had used on me is that end swell they take that piece of Heart like fuck, dude. And they push all the swelling away from your eyes so you can see better.

Oh, man. Where does it go? They just push that fluid? Push off the side of your head. Yeah. It's just to clear your vision so you can go out there and get punched again. Yeah. You ever see that?

That press? No, I didn't know what that was. That was like Tyson Buster Douglas. They didn't have one. They didn't bring it. They thought Tyson was going to fuck up Buster Douglas that bad. Well, he had a bad corner. See, Tyson's downfall is largely related to many things.

Everybody falls. They just get too big. It's too unmanageable. But also, Costamato died, and then he left Kevin Rooney. And so now he's with these guys that were just like around, and they're his trainers. And it's like he's Tyson, so he could beat everybody, anybody anyway. But then he gets to this one dude in Buster Douglas who's really prepared.

His mom just died. And he was always like that super talented guy. Like look how bad his eye was. Jesus. Look how bad his eye was. And they didn't have an end spell. They had a glove. They filled a rubber glove with ice.

Yeah. So stupid. I mean, you need to push on that and push it to the side. And Tyson's still almost one. He's still almost one. He's still dropped. Yeah, there was a questionable 10 count on that. It was a questionable 10 count.

It was definitely. But there's a few of those out there in sport. The sport should operate on a time. Like a digital timer should go off the moment someone touches the ground. That's how it should go. Because if you're a guy and maybe you like this guy more. The fighters and the referees, they know each other. I'm around these guys all the time in MMA.

You get to be friends with them. I'm friends with these guys. Damn, so there's no official clock. It's just the reference in their head? That's crazy. Well, in MMA, obviously this will count. But in boxing, I'm sure it's kind of a similar situation where they all know each other.

Like, hey, what's up? What's going on? How you doing? Dude, I used to ref kids basketball when I was in high school and as soon as a kid talked shit to me, in my head, I was like, your team's losing. I'm going to do everything in my power. As soon as they're like, are you serious? If a parent spoke up, I'm like, you just lost this game for your son. Congratulations.

Yeah, like, way to go, dickhead. And I was just the whole time. You're just high as fuck coaching kids basketball. I was getting 15 bucks a game. Some parents are insufferable. Dude, it's insane. They're so insufferable. You see it in combat sports, too.

You see it. Like, some parents are just so crazy. Yeah. And they think they almost want to hit the other kid that fought fought their kid like hey this is the deal that makes sense though it doesn't make sense no no i'm saying like it doesn't you see your kid getting hit it's not like a sport like a football or something yeah there's like an instinct to be like i gotta go beat that kid's ass for sure but you you know just everybody knows what's going on here this is like it's very important you don't violate that, especially with kids and adults.

It's like, you're allowing another child to possibly knock your kid unconscious. And that's the agreement you're making. And you're trying to have your kid is trying to knock that kid unconscious. Yeah. Yeah, it is what it is. It's intense, man. When I used to coach kids i used to take kids to fights like young teenagers take them to fights you know and and sometimes their

parents would just be fucking freaking out you know it's like i'm so used to seeing people get kicked in the face to me it's like normal i don't have any kids i'm 21 yeah and i'm like okay how do i talk to these parents and get them to relax and understand like this is the agreement that's been made here. Yeah. You can't freak out. Yeah. You're going to freak your kid out.

Yeah. You're going to freak your kid out. And you're putting too much pressure on your kid. Helio Gracie used to give his children toys and presents if they lost. That's kind of cool. Yeah. He just wanted them to get better and he's like the Fear of competition the fear of losing is so overwhelming

He would do everything could to mitigate it and so instead of him getting fucking angry and hyped up. He would Hug them and give them toys and give them things if they lost. Yeah, that's really nice That's kind of a good way to go about it. Because even basketball and football, I've seen parents spaz, dude. Yeah, because if you think about it, the kid's going to try to win anyway. He's not going to try to get his ass kicked for a G.I. Joe. He's going to try to win anyway. So if he wins, he gets the win. And if he loses, he gets a fucking toy.

Yeah, exactly. I had a bet once. My dad, if I scored three baskets in a game, I'd be able to rent Mortal Kombat. My whole team was trying to get me. My friends were trying to get me the ball. I sucked, dude. Six points? Yeah, needed six points.

Jumping six in a summer league game is not easy. No, it was young. We were young, dude. It was tough. It was hard. There was a wrestling match that was recently, this video went viral, because this kid, these two guys are wrestling and it looks like this kid doesn't have an arm in.

It looks like he's just on the neck, which is illegal in wrestling. You're supposed to have an arm in and the dad jumps in and I think he hits the kid. Oh no. Yeah, the dad, I believe, got banned for life. Yeah, that should do it. It's pretty crazy. Oh, he actually jumped in and beat the dude's ass? He thought it was WWE rules.

He thought it could interfere. He gave him the steel chair. I don't know what the rules are to wrestling, so I can't tell you whether or not this... I really know very little about wrestling, so I don't know whether or not the kid was doing something that was highly illegal. And jiu-jitsu looks normal.

It's like, oh, yeah, he got his neck. But I guess in wrestling, you can't just grab the neck Yeah, you have to have an arm in a back. I shouldn't even be talking about this. I really should I honestly should know no You know what the with the limitations of their sport are but I just I'm always like it's so sick I guess you can't choke in wrestling. I think you could maybe like a classic headlock. I don't know Don't you have to have an arm in though? Don't you have to have an arm in? I don't know any rules about wrestling at all.

I was saying it's hard to drop six in a summer league game. I wasn't poo-pooing your effort. If I dropped six in a summer league game I was like... Fell down ten times. There's a choke where you put someone completely unconscious with one arm with the

just the like like a headlock it's called like a bulldog choke or a schoolyard choke yeah they call it a schoolyard choke that's how um carlos newton beat pat militich for the welterweight title like way way back in the day it's a crazy picture because carlos newton is fucking shredded yeah and he's just got a whole one you have the one you have here? No, no, no. That's Alexander Carell. That's a scary one. That's the scariest guy that's ever lived. The scariest thing I've ever seen.

Yeah, he's the scariest guy that ever lived. That guy used to just throw people around. But that, so there's no way that's legal. Because you could put someone unconscious with that. Yeah, I don't think you're allowed. Yeah, probably not. Jamie, what are the rules for wrestling? Are you allowed to grab someone by their neck?

Can you show me the video of the kid where the dad jumps in? I'm not sure if I found the right one. This one I found. Yeah, but the one you just showed, show that picture again? That's Carlos Newton when he caught Pat Melitich. That's the fucking big brother, dude. Look at that arm, son. If you had an arm like that, you'd let it sit out the window all day long.

Hey, ladies, look at that arm. Good Lord. Probably so shredded. Fuck. Yeah, Carlos Newton all day long. Oh, God. Hey, ladies. Look at that arm. Good Lord. Bro, it's so shredded. Fuck. Yeah, Carlos Newton was a sensational submission guy, too. He also fought Matt Hughes and choked Matt Hughes unconscious, but Matt Hughes slammed him to the ground and knocked him unconscious, and Matt Hughes woke up first. And Matt Hughes was like, I won?

What? He didn't even know he won. Oh, no. What happened was Carlos got him in a standing triangle, and Carlos is putting him out while he's standing up. And then Matt in like a last ditch effort slams him to the ground as he's going out. Wow. Carlos goes out and he goes out and then Matt wakes up. And I remember being there. Matt was like, and he won from waking up first. He was the fucking man, dude. Back in the day, he was the man.

And he won from waking up first? He was the fucking man, dude. Back in the day, he was the man. Matthews was the first truly elite wrestler that learned black belt level submission skills. So they were both out. They were both out. And so Matt's like, what? He doesn't know what's going on.

He sat up, so he's good. Dude, getting slammed wearing fucking tighty-whities sucks, dude. That sucks so bad. It was a great fight. Matthews was the fucking man. Tighty-whities is a wild move, dude. Yeah, that is pretty nuts, dude. It is a wild move, but everybody wore them back then.

The Brazilian Valle Tuto guys, they all wore Speedos. Yeah. Because they fought like they fought on the beach. Come on, poha. God damn. Pretty boys. Yeah. You got in a fight with some Brazilians on the beach. I got robbed in Brazil on the beach.

Oh, no. They told me. Were they in their undies? No, they were just in some trunks, respectable trunks. But yeah, they told me not to walk home on the beach by myself. And you just did? Late at night or early in the morning. I was like, late at night I could see, but I was like, early in the morning, it's sunrise.

And I got robbed at knife point. Yeah. Damn. That must have been terrifying. Getting your ass beat by a guy in a Speedo. Yeah, it would suck. What did you have ass beat by a guy in a Speedo. Yeah, it would suck. What did you have to give up?

It was like seven bucks. I had my wallet, or I had my credit card, and then I remembered I had money in my shoe or something, and they were pissed, and I'm like, oh, here, I have this too. They were kind of nice about it. Oh, that's cool. They were like, sorry, we're really hungry, and I was like, hey, thanks for not stabbing me, guys. But I was. I was like, you get out of your body. When I was like, hey, thanks for not stabbing me, guys. But I was.

I was like, you get out of your body. When you're getting robbed, you're completely out of your body. And you're just like, uh. That is kind of a cool way to rob someone. Sorry, we're really hungry. Yeah. I had a phrase book on me and my credit card. They took out my credit card.

I'm like, yo, you guys can take this to the Mac machine and just get a bunch of money out. And they were like, I didn't know what that was. And then they took like seven bucks off me. And they went through my phrase book. And they were laughing at stuff that I had circled. It was like, eh were like, I didn't know what that was. And then they took like seven bucks off me. They went through my phrase book and they were laughing at stuff that I had circled. It was like, yo, quiero voce. It was like, I want you. Oh, they do.

They were like, ah. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, yeah. It was like the most, it was pretty like cordial, the whole experience. Wow. Damn. Yeah.

They made fun of you? They made fun of my phrase book. They were like, ah, they're flipping through it. When you land in Rio, you drive through the favelas. Yeah. They made fun of you? They made fun of my phrase book. They were like, ah, they're flipping through it. When you land in Rio, you drive through the favelas. Yeah. So scary. And it's like, oh my God. Like the level of, you ever see City of God?

Yes. Bro, it makes boys in the hood look like Sesame Street. Yeah, it does. That movie is crazy. Yeah, they're just living in sheds on a hill. What was that game you were playing, Fallout? Where you're like grabbing pieces of metal. Yeah, it's all sheet metal. That's your house. It's crazy. Yeah, I know a lot of people that came from there.

That's nuts. Yeah, a lot of UFC fighters came from the favelas. Dude, it's terrifying. Yeah, it's a different level of poverty man, and it's a different level of scarcity. Yeah, no opportunity, nothing, violence, guns. Yeah, they come. The kids are like, when I was walking around there, I was like 21, but they'll come grab your leg and hold on to your leg and like, por favor. Just like, dude, here's that city of God. Such a good movie.

Movie's so crazy and apparently really accurate. It really is like what it's like. Damn, that was Roger Ebert days. Yeah. Yeah, when I was there, this Swedish guy went to the favela It's like, damn, that was Roger Ebert days. Yeah. Yeah, when I was there, this, like, Swedish guy went to the favela with another guy to buy Coke. And I was like, like, you want to come? I was like, no, thank you.

Fuck all that. He got back. He looked kind of, like, Brazilian a little bit, luckily. But I was like, bro, I'm not going with you to go there. Yeah, there's levels. Yeah. There's levels in this world. Yeah, that's scary. Being that poor is scary but it was

nice i was there it's like monopoly money it's like if it's not your currency i was out there just doling that stuff out you love our currency i do we're in australia dude we're in australia matt was like this is usd i tried to pay with 20 dollars with us money and they were like we don't take that i'm like come on man it's like come on man this is 10 times your money it's like dude this, this is American. I was treated like I was in Honduras. I was like, yo, here's the $20. They're like, well, we can't take this.

I'm like, no, don't give me that. That's good money. Some money, they have clear little holes in them, and there's little holograms in it. It's all bullshit, dude. It's fake. American money is the only thing that matters. Isn't it wild, though, that no one's figured out how to completely accurately recreate money? It's just pieces of... Like, they had to really

stay ahead of the curve. For the counterfeiters, this technology increased. Yeah, true. All the printers. That was a major problem when this country was, like, starting. Yeah, we...

It was an easy thing to do. By death. It was punishable by death, wasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. They used to fuck you up for that. I remember the first time

I ever saw a fake $20 bill. I was like, oh, wow, this is weird. Yeah, it's weird. It's like the feels wrong. Yeah, I don't think you can buy the paper That's the thing. No, there's a specific money is a specific paper But people bleach bills and then you can print you get the real paper Bleach the bill and print like tens on like a one. Hmm. Then you can do that and sell you can sell bundles of them Oh, no kidding. Yeah, that's what they can sell bundles of them to people. Oh, no kidding. Yeah.

That's what they do. That's what I've heard. Yeah. Are you involved in this? No, I just, I just, what I've heard.

How long have you been doing this? How long have you been camping? No, I just, I've heard there's bad, bad money goes around. People sell it in like big chunks and you can get it in like, it just seems like if they can make fake Rolexes,

how the fuck can they not make fake? Like, cause you know, they have the light, they shine on the dollar bills now the dollar bills now like things embedded in them and stuff yeah I don't know I think the people who are counterfeiting though aren't they're just kind of like I don't know you'd have to be so advanced technologically to like do that and if you're able to make money you could probably do all kinds of other stuff yeah but that's the case with a lot of things that are illegal it's like there's some

industrious people that just go the wrong way in life, but they're really fucking smart. That's true. I think I had some fake mushrooms recently. Oh, there you go. Oh, yeah. A fish and save man sued Mr. Clean Magic Erasers while he used, rather, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers

to transform $1 bills into hundreds. Magic Erasers? So he erased it and then reprinted over it? Yeah. You're supposed to clean your wall with. That way you have the good paper, but then I guess that's why they have those strips because then you can hold up a strip and be like,

that's not a $10 bill, this is a $1 bill. That's a lot of work, man. Yeah, dude. I wonder how much money you made. You go to jail forever, son. It's the Secret Service. The Secret Service looks into this stuff. Speaking of which, what did they arrest Killer Mike for?

Oh, yeah. That is one of the most ridiculous. They don't arrest anybody in L.A. You got people literally doing meth in front of people's houses and tents. What did he do? And Killer Mike gets arrested after he wins three grams. Yeah. What did he do?

Jay Ross. Jay Ross, the online conspiracy theor is that he criticized Joe Biden. Really? That's the online conspiracy. I like that. I like that. That's a great conspiracy. That is.

It's a fun conspiracy. There's nothing wrong with having fun. Who the fuck would arrest Killer Mike? What is this misdemeanor? What did he do? Did he have a license plate missing or something? What the fuck did he do that they're- They didn't release Killer Mike to do it.

They didn't release a charge? We're going to find out. Killer Mike, I guarantee you didn't do anything. Killer Mike? Yeah. You think he is not even a creative name it's like a name that's like the dumb guy in the neighborhood. They're like, oh, that's Killer Mike. Killer Mike, yeah. Get the fuck away from that guy. This is from... This is an hour ago.

He said nothing happened, but this is the official report. It says a physical altercation happened. Oh. And he was then released on a misdemeanor battery and then released on zero bail. Oh, he bitch slapped somebody. That kind of rules. That's awesome. But again, in Los Angeles, there's people that are literally pulling knives on sheriffs

and being out of jail that day. Yeah. He did what Will Smith did at the award. At the award. Right. In front of the whole world. And he gets arrested. Yeah, that's bizarre.

You think it's like post-Will Smith, they've changed the rules? Maybe, maybe. Whenever celebrities smack each other, you have to step in with your ass. Might be a new task force for that. Well, it depends on who he smacked, you know? That's the question, yeah. Right, if it's somebody we want him to smack, you know, now I'm really irritated. You know, if he smacked Taylor Swift, that would be a real issue.

Yeah, you don't put your hands on our queen. Not after last night. Didn't she do well last night? You know, if he smacked Taylor Swift, that would be a real issue. Yeah, don't put your hands on our queen. Not after last night. Didn't she do well last night? I saw the news. She did a lot in the Grammys. Things are going well for Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is doing all right.

I find it so fascinating how many people are, for whatever reason, are opposed to it. They don't like that she's so popular. I don't understand it. It's normal. It's normal human behavior. She's ruining the game of football now. I can't watch it. I can't even watch it. That's the new thing.

She has ruined the game of football. I can't even watch it anymore. Because it cuts to her once or twice during the game. And I see her and I go, mother fucker. Why do you care? No, I don't at all. It's crazy. Although I will say this.

When they're playing against you When it's your team And then the camera cuts to Taylor Swift That's when it builds You go that What if Taylor Swift That makes sense though Because if you're like If you have a billionaire

Just laughing in your face While your team's losing And their team's incredible The Chiefs are incredible And then it cuts to her up there in a box They were in like Buffalo Okay Everyone's outside freezing

It cuts to them like I get it Perfect heated box Yeah I get it It's bringing up deeper issues They were in like Buffalo. Okay. Everyone's outside freezing. It cuts to them like. Oh, they're in a perfect heated box. I get it. I understand the hatred. I feel like out of respect, if you're going to see a Buffalo game in January, you should be outside. You got to get out there. Out of respect.

You got to be in the snow. Out of respect for the players. Yeah. Like you'll feel it more. Yeah. Yeah. Just bundle up, bitch. Wear some muffins and fucking mittens and shit.

They were giving fans like $20 an hour to go shovel the stadium yeah I saw that it's incredible that was a crazy move that was crazy

I can't believe no one died they could have easily died yeah dude just drinking and shoveling for $20 an hour

oh yeah my friend Tommy just blacked out behind the wheel of his car shoveling he crashed his car and fucked himself up sorry snow shovelers and pallet truck drivers get so fucked up when we were in high school used to get hired by landscapers in the winter to shovel and

they would just feed us beer and weed when we're like all you can do fucked up and all night and shovel condom and they give you like 20 bucks an hour and you're just like what the fuck? When I lived in Boston we would always, whenever it snowed, me and my friends would go out to places and go you guys want us to do your thing? We'd negotiate a deal. Do the driveway. This driveway's 30. This driveway's 40.

Depending on how big it is. And some of them you get fucked. Like some of them you don't realize the snow's wet and it's a long ass driveway. You're an hour and a half in. You're only a quarter way there. You're like oh we fucked up dude my friend underpriced this one my friend owned a landscaping company and i didn't have a job i was just i was living with my girlfriend at the time she was a teacher i was literally playing xbox like she was like you gotta turn it around i was like i'm gonna do comedy she's like you're doing open mics at the hairspray

comedy zone i was like trust me it's How old are you? I was probably 24. Oh, my God. And then my friend owned a landscaping company. I had zero dollars. I was not working at all. And he was like, come help us shovel. I was like, all right, nice. I was there for 10 minutes.

Put the shovel down. I was like, bro, I'm going back home. It's grueling. Yeah, I quit immediately. You're out all night, too. Yeah, real work. But you put your beers in the snow oh it's kind of nice that is oh boy just blasted lifting chunks of snow everywhere i think i was

like four beers in and i was like i'll just go drink more inside true i kind of feel bad i kind of feel bad for kids who grew up without snow yeah this that's a fucking pivotal moment in youth. A snow day? Snow days, and then just hanging out with your friends in the snow, and then the quiet. Everything's quiet. When it snows out, it's like you're in a movie. You're outside, it's like, sorry, my IQ's boring.

It's the best. Nothing. No sound at all. That's how- You guys know you got nothing to do? Watch the news. LaMera fell yesterday. Oh, yeah you got nothing to do? It's about watching the news. LaMera fell yesterday. Oh, yeah. I was like...

You couldn't hear him fall. He fell behind us. We were walking into the creek in the cave, and he slipped. And I was like, damn, he fell like snow. Like, it was dead silent. We didn't hear him fall. He didn't make a noise. Oh, we got the security footage.

I said to James... Oh, you got the security footage, dude? I immediately got the security footage. I said it to James. Oh, you got the security footage, dude. I immediately got the security footage. Look at him. Oh! You got to get the other angle. That was fairly graceful. Yeah, I mean, he laid there.

It seems like there's steps there. The fallen steps. He jumped over the curb, and he stepped on the bottom of that. Oh, boy. Boy, it doesn't take a lot to trip in. No. Look at that. Bro, he just goes down. He does go down. You're sitting like snow off of a roof. You doesn't take a lot to trip in. No. Look at that. Bro, he just goes down.

He does go down. You're sitting in the snow off of a roof. You couldn't hear a single thing. Bro, he would suck at judo. Don't tell him that, bro. They'd just be tripping him all day long. He prides himself on being nimble, so this is like a real... No, he doesn't.

He was very sad about this. Come on. Really? Yeah. I mean, everything was nimble before he fell, though. He did a little hop, like anime jump. Oh, my God, you have two angles. Jamie, do you have that wrestling match where that dad attacks the kid?

Again, I don't know if I have the right one. Oh, dude. Anyway, snow days rule. No. Yeah, they're nice. Is this the right one that you're saying? I don't believe so. Let me see this one.

I think you probably have, but no. Damn. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. See, that's what I'm talking about. I think it probably happened. No. Damn. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. See, that's what I'm talking about. Look at this fucking guy. I dumped him. Oh, let me see that mug shot.

Oh, he threw the kid down on his head. Oh, shit. Wow. Show the mug shot again. That was a good one. He was, that's not, I wouldn't have expected that guy to move like that. Yeah, he moved. That guy's nimble.

He's got a kid. True. How much of that do you think is protection of the kid versus like... 100%. You think it's all protection? Yeah, he got dumped on his head. See, watch how the kid goes down. Oh, God, yeah, that's bad.

The kid goes down head first. It's like a tombstone. See how the ref touches his head because he's freaked out? That's a bad landing. Like, you could break your neck like that. You definitely can get a concussion. You might have had a concussion. God damn. That's how Carellon used to beat guys.

Carellon used to literally hoist guys up and pound them into the ground. Just pound them over and over and over again. Jesus Christ. That's an illegal move. That's just a comment. I don't know. I think it is an illegal move.

But also, when you're lifting people up and throwing them and they're resisting, wild shit happens. Yeah. But, you know, it does seem like he pile-drived him on his head. He seemed like he should have known in the middle of that move. Not to. You were talking about a choke or something? Yeah. The kid was

apparently doing an illegal choke and the dad jumped in. It's also in that kid's defense. If you have someone up in the air in a wrestling match, it's hard not to slam them in the ground. Yeah, anytime you pick anybody up, it's like, oh, I'm going to slam you on the ground as hard as I can. Well, I'm sure there's different rules in young amateur wrestling versus what they would do in the Olympics, but Carellon used to just pile drive people. He just hoists them up, and he was a freak. Dude, there's nothing worse than, like,

the only experience I have is, like, football. So it's, like, first play of the game, like, the guy against you just fucks you up. You're like, damn, this is going to be a long game, dude. I'm going to get fucked up for two hours. Like, wrestling, if a dude slammed you right away, you'd be like, all right. They slam you.

What do you fucking call this thing. And in MMA, they start punching you in the face while you're recovering from being slammed. I was looking for it. There's a darch choke pulled off in a wrestling match. Yes, I think that is legit because it's one arm in. I think that's

the rule. Oh, he put him out. Damn. Oh, shit. Damn, and he hit him with the fucking... Matt Hughes choked out Ricardo Almeida with a wrestling move where he had a head and arm, like, from the front, and he just, he has such a squeeze that he gripped the head and arm and just put him out. The anaconda squeeze.

And you're just cutting off their carotid artery. Yeah, yeah, you're cutting it all off. Oh, God. Matt, that fucking tank. When he was the welterweight champ, dude, cutting it all off. Oh, God. That fucking tank. When he was the welterweight champ, dude, he was a tank. Yeah, that shit sucks, man. And for him to grab your arm and your head together like this, which is basically what he had.

He had him on the side with his arm and head together and just squeezed it so hard he went out. I was just watching. Who's the Mongolian guy? It was Uzbekistani or Kazakhstan. Fuck. He got a standing Fucking He hit a guy

Oh yeah Rakhmanov Yeah Shavkat Yeah he's a beast I think that's what you're talking about He hit a little brother Yeah see how the dad jumps in

Yeah So the kid's on his back And he rolls him over And it looks like the kid's got a choke But I can't tell if he's got an arm in Damn He does have an arm in He does have an tell if he's got an arm in. Damn. He does have an arm in.

He does have an arm in. He did have an arm in. He's like, my bad, my bad. That's my bad. My bad. I got it. Yeah, he's banned for life. That is it. He's banned for life.

Now, I don't know what the rules are, but it does look like the kid has an arm in. He has an arm in. See how they roll over? See how his arm is under the arm? That's fucking Walrus ref, dude. Yeah, man. Poor guy.

No, he looks he's facial. He looks like, yeah, a diabetes. Yeah, that's that is a weird that's a weird situation. But, you know,

dads fucking lose their cool. Yeah, well, there's also like when you're watching your kid, wrestling or combat is different, but like if they're watching you're watching your kids suck at like basketball or football. Yeah. Then you're like taking you're watching your kid, wrestling or combat is different, but like if you're watching your kid suck at like basketball or football, then you're

like taking that personally because that kid's supposed to like carry you on. Yeah, this is your legacy. This is your legacy. It's also like that at the fucking dog park. Oh, my God. If your dogs are playing and a dog loses, people jump in. Yeah. My sister jumped in.

Yeah. Her dog was losing and she like jumped into the mud. I've punched dogs at dog parks I've had dog like a dog grab my dog by the neck and I just some people bring aggressive dogs at dog parks It's just not wise. I didn't know I didn't know what they were I didn't know when my dog was a puppy I used to bring him to dog parks He started fighting with dogs. He liked it too much. So like no more. Yeah I brought Nikita. I brought Nikita to dog parks, and those things are nasty.

You can't discourage that either. It's a weird thing. The dog fighting thing, unless you're a professional trainer and you're with that dog all the time, you've got to be with that dog. You've got to really do a really good job if it's an aggressive dog of getting them around, socialize them with other dogs, because they just fucking dominate each other. Yeah.

It's just natural with dogs. Yeah, they do. They bow up on each other. Bow up. They start growling like, God damn it. Everyone has a different tolerance threshold, too, because you go to the dog park, some people want them to get a little rough, and some people are like, not at all rough. Exactly.

Well, if you're a woman and you got a poodle, you know, what the fuck? Don't bring that thing around Poodles are working Poodles are working brief A big poodle A real big one A big poodle Yeah

Those things are nasty What are they doing They're big A big poodle What do they work on Bird hunting probably Poodles Yeah poodles are bird hunters

Is that what they are I'm pretty sure A big poodle Not a little You're like a little Toy toy Yeah I've heard they're actually

Good watch dogs The big poodles Dude I'm telling you The big poodles are not... Everything the French do is so good. I was a dog walker, dude. Every single thing, dude. Imagine being like an aristocrat with a poodle.

Dude, they're sexual dogs, too. Everything the French do is sexual, dude. Poodles are very sexual. I used to dog walk, and I had a big black poodle I walked, and he'd try to fuck me the whole time. That was you, dude. You were just looking at him like a good poodle. The poodle originated in Germany in the Middle Ages.

A dog similar to today's standard poodle, the poodle was Germany's water dog, just as England had the English water spaniel, French had the barbet, and Ireland had the Irish water spaniel. And the Netherlands, the Westerhund, among the evidence used to support this theory is the Germanic name for the breed Pudel or Pudel in German, which is derived from the low German word pudeln, meaning to splash. Water dog. Numerous works by... It makes sense that they have that hair.

Yeah. Yeah. You're right. It says right there, ancestors were widely used by water followers to both retrieve shot game and to recover lost arrows and bolts that had missed their mark. Wow, they chased down. How high were you when you hit the poodle Wikipedia? You were like, yo, they're poodles of water dogs.

They were surprising me. I kept seeing them in the wild, and they kept surprising me. I'm like, dude, these guys are not bullshits. Yeah, they fly, dude. They're athletic canines. They're motherfuckers, dude. But then you start doing this bullshit to them. That's a mockery, dude. Why do they do that?

I hate that, man. Why do they do that? That's what women want to do to us, dude. That's what they want to do to us. That's what they're doing to us right now. They are doing it. That's what they want to do to us. We're getting away with it. No, man. We got to be pootin'. It's a bunch of scared guys. It's a bunch of scared guys and Andrew Tate.

There's only one man left, dude. It's Tate. He's a Muslim now. Only Tate can save us, bro. I know, man. Top G. He is the top G. Out of jail.

Yeah, he's doing supercar reviews on YouTube. It's hilarious. That's tight. And I don't think it's under the name Andrew Tate, but it is him. Yeah? Probably because they would ban him from YouTube. Right away. He can't get onto anything, yeah.

Yeah, but it's him. Why are they banning him? He reviewed a Maserati. It's a pretty funny review. Why are they banning him? Because he talks a lot of shit. Let me tell you about the Matrix, my friend. Why are they banning that guy?

He seems fine. I mean, in Romania, he's under allegations of a rape charge. And there's some trafficking. Sexual trafficking. Yeah, and if you... Trafficking's weird, too, because if you... Like, if I trick you into crossing state lines and then you get plowed, I've trafficked you. But if I'm like, you're about to get plowed and you get in my car and you get plowed, you're fine.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I've been tricked across're about to get plowed, and you get in my car and you get plowed, you're fine. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I've been tricked across state lines. I got plowed. Okay, so he does have one. He does have one. It says the Cobra Mind. Yeah, it's his channel probably.

Okay, so there was another channel. Maybe they were appropriating his content. Maybe that's what it is. Likely. Most likely, yeah. He's the most Googled man in the world. It's funny to have a cobra's mind. Is there a dumb fucking animal?

Smartass. I know, right? But he's a smartass dude, man. Regardless of what he thinks about some of the things he said about women, the fucking intelligence of that, the whole thing that he did with getting people to TikTok his stuff and go viral. Yeah, he was fucking a genius go viral. Yeah, he did. Yeah, he was fucking a genius at that.

Yeah, my 12-year-old was asking me about him. Really? Yeah. What'd you say? You said, that's the top G, baby. Well, I mean, I said what I know about him. I said he was a legit kickboxer. I knew him as a kickboxer before I ever knew him.

Oh, wait. I didn't know he was, like— Oh, he was legit. Oh, really? Yeah, he's a legit kickboxer. Very good kickboxer. Yeah, he fought on Infusion a bunch of times. Infusion was a kickboxing card from...

God, I'm not sure where. I think it's from the UK. Sorry. Thanks, man. My friend Vinny Shorman used to do commentary for it. He was nice. That's what I never knew Yeah he was a good fighter Solid fighter

Really good fighter I'm sorry do you have a tissue man My allergies are going crazy Yeah my allergies picked up today Going crazy Sorry about that We're finding out the Negative parts of living here in Austin

See your fever baby That's what they call it It's already January I mean this is It's already been going on yeah How long does this go? Depends on who gets it. I get it bad, dude.

Do you? Yeah. I don't get it at all. Well, you're top G. You're top G. Yeah, everybody keeps telling me, one day you're going to get it. I'm like, okay. Nah, you won't get it, man.

Fuck that. I did one year, though. I had... My throat was really sore. I was like, what? This is weird. What'd you do? Lasted a long time.

So nothing. Allergies. Nothing, man. Allergies can did this weird? What'd you do? Lasted a long time. So nothing. Allergies can make you like sick. You didn't know, and it comes back. Yeah, that's what got me. Yeah, you feel like you have a cold. So I think I did have a reaction one year to one particular thing that was in the air. Yeah.

Where I was like, what the fuck is going on? This is a weird cold. Yeah. Because it didn't feel like I was sick. It doesn't go away. Also, it was a while. It was a couple of weeks. Jamie's dog stuck his tongue in my mouth, so maybe I'm allergic to dog saliva.

You sure? Maybe. Oh, damn. You're allergic to Carl. How could you be allergic to Carl? I might be allergic to bulldogs. Are you allergic to dogs? No, not at all.

But I've never had one put his tongue in my mouth. Your eyes are closing. Yeah, but your eyes are... You've got an allergic reaction? Yeah. Are you sure you're not allergic to dogs? I think I might be now. Do you have a dog?

Yeah, I have two. Oh. But they've never put their tongue in my mouth. That's what I'm- like cat allergies in a cat's life. You were making out with Carl. I was, right? Check out his face. I'm having an allergic fucking reaction. Yeah, look at Matt's face.

It'll go away. I'm also on steroids to get my voice back so my body's all fucked up. Oh, you're on roys and you kiss a dog? Yeah, dude. You're fine, dude. The show has to go on. My eye is just, I'm so sorry to make this all about me, dude. My eye just freaked out. You'll be all right.

You're on steroids to get your voice back? I lost my voice, yeah. For how long? I've been losing it. I've been doing shows and I lose it every show. So then I took the prednisone all weekend because I literally had zero voice. Maybe there's a better way to talk. Have you ever gone to a vocal coach?

No. Because, you know, Be Real from Cypress Hill? Yeah. You told me you went to a vocal coach. I might go. Because, you know, he's got that insane in the membrane. He's got that very specific style. He learned how to use his – so he didn't burn his voice out.

I also sing in my car at full blast. I've got to stop doing that. I've how to use his, so he didn't burn his voice out. I also sing in my car at full blast. I gotta stop doing that. I gotta stop doing that. That's what it is. What do you sing? I can't help it. I can't help it. We might have watched it here when Matt sang at the

holiday party at the mothership. Oh yeah. What did you sing? I forget. Unchained Melody. We watched from thehip. Oh, yeah. Yeah, bro. Yeah, what did you sing? I forget on chain melody Me my wife are fighting and then we both had karaoke songs come up and I'm like we don't have time for this Let's go sing our karaoke Then we got we made up those nice. That's hilarious The area is water. No, you guys seem like they're getting better. They are it's going it's going happens. No, it's the dog. Dude, your eyes seem like they're getting better. They are. It's going. It happens in the water. I think it's the dog. You just probably, it's always in your, you gotta blow your nose.

I did. It was something that was in my nose. You got a kennel cough. That dog, that's a new dog, dude. You got a fucking weird dog disease. My body will fight it off. It's a new dog. Hopefully.

My body will fight it off. So far, it's losing. No, it's a healthy immune response. It's been 10 minutes and you're in trouble. This is a healthy immune response. So what kind of steroids they put you on for your throat? Prednisone. Oh, okay.

Yeah. It makes you feel weird, man. A friend of mine had that for gout. He had gout. You take prednisone. Prednisone is like a wonder drug. Yeah, it works for poison ivy. Pretty tight, yeah.

So did it fix it? Yeah, I mean, yeah. I couldn't talk. Like, I had no voice. And it powered me through my last three shows. So I was like... Were you trying to use your voice in the car singing, even though you had no voice?

Were you pushing it? A little bit. I did it today. Oh, no. You did it today? What'd you sing today? I did a couple bars, dude. What'd you sing?

What'd you sing, dude? Everybody's talking, but... Harry Nielsen. Oh, boy. I know. I'm such a dickhead. I can't help it. I can't help it. It hits me right in the soul, dude. I'm like, I gotta get it. Oh, boy. I know. I'm such a dickhead. I can't help it. I can't help it.

It hits me right in the soul, dude. I'm like, I got to get it. You got to sing. I have to sing? Do you ever go like Axl Rose? Do you ever really fuck your voice up? No, I'll fucking try to hit those notes. That's not in my register.

Axl Rose. Welcome to the jungle. Yeah, I can't do the screams. That'll fuck your voice up, man. That'll fuck your voice up, man. Yeah, but you know, it is what it is. It'll come back eventually. I've had this problem for like three weeks straight.

Dude. Don't. Dude, Jamie. People keep talking. Matt, bless us. You want to hear me? Only the echoes of my mind. Dude, I'm going to lose my voice.

Let's go, Matt. People stop and stare in. I can't see their faces. What are you doing? Only the shadows of their eyes. I'm done. You changed since you kissed that dog, dude. Are you singing?

I'm a singer now. Dude, you know the thing T-Pain did where he went on stage and just carried on? I might do that. At the end of the show, you should sing. I'm going to start. T-Pain did it. I mean, he did his own song still. He did a live performance where he had a full band behind him.

Did his own songs and then just covered a bunch of songs. Oh. Then put them out on Instagram. I'm like, dude, I might just start becoming a professional singer. Fuck that. You should sing at the end of your shows. People would love that. You should sing at the end of your shows. People would love that.

That's a good idea, dude. There was a guy named Barry Diamond. Fuck, good call. There was a guy named Barry Diamond. He used to perform at the comedy store.

And funny comic, he was in like that movie Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks. Oh, nice. So anyway, he would open up his set by singing

Walking in Memphis. Really? And you didn't know what was going on. He did the whole song. open up his set by singing Walking in Memphis. Really? And you didn't know what was going on. He did the whole song. That's funny. Dude, Walking in Memphis. Because he had a great voice. So he'd be singing it, and then he would go into his act.

Pretty tight. I had to sing one time. It's crazy. Remember the comedy show I did? It was a little crazy. What? I got booked for a private comedy show way, way, way long ago for, it was like the American, I swear to God, I think it was like Survivor, not the Survivors of the Holocaust.

It was like an old Jewish thing. Jesus. He sang it, the Survivors of the Holocaust. It was like some sort of like ancient Jewish people. People are talking. It was ancient Jewish people and I bombed so bad. He's buried down. It's so nice.

It's going to be you. Dude. It's so nice It's gonna be you Dude So nice You gotta end with this though This is crazy He's incredible Yeah That's I mean how do you follow that?

In the OR. You gotta end with that. In the OR. And he would just go into comedy. But he was like real silly as a comedian. Oh, yeah, yeah. So it was funny to watch him go from that to like silly comedy. It is kind of funny.

What was the benefit you did? Oh, I, it was just these, it was like some sort of old Jewish foundation. I don't know what it was called, but they, I bombed. The media? I was standing at a, the what? I was standing. the what the central bank no i'm joking i'm not anti-semitic at all i was standing up at a podium to do stand-up in a hotel yeah jamie said i thought jamie said that jamie said that i can't believe jamie said that dude the uh i was standing up at a podium to do stand-up and i was like 25 and i bombed so bad there i was like you guys don do stand-up, and I was like 25. And I bombed so bad.

I was like, you guys don't like this at all. And they were like, no. And I was like, what do you guys want me to do? And like, sing us a song. I had to just sing. I just sang them a song for a while. And I got like $175. I thank God.

Do you remember that bachelor party we did? What song did you sing? Hell is for the way you look at me, that song. They asked for that one? No, that was the only one I knew. I just let them have it. Did they like that? They were pleased.

They were pleased. I could say factually those old Jews were pleased. Tap dancing for them. That's great. Bombing so bad you have to be like, all right. I gave up. What's a different performance? You guys hate this. Oh, what other art form do you guys like?

Just think about the power of dance. I was in the back of a room. That's wild. To change genres in the middle of a room. I had to switch it up on us. Hey, the early days. Just switch to mime. It's $175.

Just switch straight to miming. I should have. Miming's hilarious. I know magic. Magic rules. I hate him with fucking. I can juggle. You can't follow magic.

Good magic. How can't follow magic. Good magic. How do you follow magic? You know the worst kind of comedy to follow is musical comedy. Yeah, that'd be tough. If somebody does funny songs, you're fucking doomed. You're doomed, son. And it's frustrating because a lot of times a funny song is just like an average joke, but somebody's playing a guitar with it.

There was a guy that was a legend in New England who used to do dirty dirty jokes he used to be on dr demento all the time but he used to do dirty god i can't remember his name but he was like a famous guy who did like dirty songs and he would fucking sell out everywhere yeah it's funny and if you did a show with him you could never go on after you were doing yeah You were fucking doomed. You're gonna bomb you imagine if you had to follow like Wheeler Walker jr. Oh my god. Yeah, no chance Things go on it's funny and any good. Yeah, he's good. There's funny. There's music. Yeah, it's hilarious You could you could repeat it. It's still funny. It also like It's hilarious.

You could repeat it. It's still funny. It also joins a crowd together differently, too. Yeah. If you just play music, the whole crowd kind of congeals into the thing. Totally different vibe. You go see a good concert, it's like you're fucking in tune with everybody. Yeah. A really good concert when someone's killing it.

Yeah. Someone comes on, they're like, I'm fucking jerking off. And you're like. You guys ever jack off? Yeah. Shit. Shit. Just straight in the...

So my girlfriend broke up with me. My girlfriend's a bitch. You guys jack off? Fuck. Fuck, I'll sing. Anyway. Walking in my face. Walking in my face.

That's actually extremely funny. Hit the eject in the middle of a comedy set. Just hit the eject button. Start singing. They were visibly disproved. They're old as hell. The shows you do when you're starting. Me and him did a...

Oh, God. Helium hired us to do a bachelor party. Me and Matt just stood in front of a table. No mic. Nothing. We went to a restaurant with the bachelor party. in the middle of dinner. They're like alright comedy We stood at the head of the table For like ten people dude. Oh my god. It was fucking crazy. It was like a sober bachelor party

We had not we just started doing comedy like we were bad at comedy And I just did just material I went up there and did like straight ten minutes of no Mike material Just flatline like I'm Shane about you. I think Shane was I think Shane looked at me like It's like let's both do it. I'll help I was dying dude, and then yeah You went up and just did the sensible thing of talking and figuring out what's up with that Yeah, I was like this is weird. Why are we doing this? Why the fuck would you guys hire me and Matt to humiliate ourselves?

It was crazy. I did a black lady Mother's Day show. Oh, yeah. In North Philly, this guy just hired me to do comedy in front of a brunch for just, for real, like 14 black ladies for Mother's Day. Same thing. I just stood at the head of the table. It was crazy. It's a wild move.

Just died. And they were just being very nice. They're like, you're doing great. That's kind of cool. In the middle of just a Mother's Day brunch. Would you switch stuff up at all? Oh, no. Oh, so you guys like racism?

That's all I got got i got one pitch all right that's ball yeah that those shows are very fun though they teach you something though that does you mean what other art forms allow you to start out like that where you you realize like there's no real structure to this at all in terms of like how you can make money doing it How do you how do you become a professional? I mean look you guys are both like legit professionals now, and you started that way. I did too Yeah, that's how it starts. I did I did bachelor parties no microphone Yeah, I did a couple of crazy. Yeah, they're terrible. That's hell I still I just figured out how it worked like three years ago.

I didn't know. I thought for real. I was like, you'll just do it. And then someone would be like, here's a bunch of money. I was like, no, you have to sell tickets. Bro, people still do corporate gigs. They shouldn't do corporate gigs. I read it to Adam Sandler at the airport.

And I was like, what's up? What are you doing? He's like, dude, I just did the worst fucking gig of my life. Really? Because I bombed so hard. He's just ripping corporates? It was so bad. They just paid him a lot of money to do this thing.

Yeah, true. But he was laughing about it. He's like, oh my God, it was terrible. I bombed this week. I bombed in the Little Boy. Oh, no. I bombed so badly that I had people there with me. We were going to go do something after.

And I was like, I'm going to do one show and then we'll go I stayed I was like I gotta stay for the late show You have to redeem yourself? I did so- I sweat I was sweating I bombed so fucking bad that I was sweating. I was like what is happening? I sat on the balcony with Adam Egott and like I was like I gotta change everything Dude, sometimes- The late show was fun those are fucking good for you they are some of my best moments in my my comedy has been after really

bad sets because then I just like really focus yeah go god I've been fucking up something's obviously did something wrong yeah that was the first I haven't done new material in a while I had to yeah after that first show I was was like, all right, new jokes. Yeah. Yeah. And it worked. It was nice. Oh, yeah, you did some refreshers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Comedy is just a wild fucking thing, isn't it? It's just- Nobody can tell you how to do it. Nobody knows exactly how you should do it. And it's embarrassing. Bombs are good. Bombs are good. Bombs are good.

Dude, bombing at a Mother's Day and then walking outside and it's 1 p.m.? That's tough. Dude, when you walk outside and it's still sunny after you bombed, it's crazy. And you're in North Philly. You're like, oh, my God. What the fuck am I doing with my life? And you're thinking about your future. Yeah.

Because your future is not a given. There's a lot of guys we started out with that are gone. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, it's – Well, it's also – that's the thing about comedy is where it's like with bombing,

like good comics will be like, yeah, you need that. Yeah. So then there's guys that are just fucking bombing. True. And they're like, this is part of the...

All part of the process. Yeah. It keeps them around. I bombed them. I do like the dudes who bomb every fucking time. They don't give a fuck, dude. It's kind of tight.

I mean, it's admirable. There's bros that bomb for 10 straight years. Yeah, that's not good. There's a lot of fighters like that, too. They just always get knocked out. Just keep getting knocked out. Yeah, that's not good. You should find another thing to do.

Yeah, true. Or you're just not going to be good at anything. That's not also possible. There's certain people that just never get good at anything. Get their thing, yeah. Whatever it is, no matter what it is, they just, they lack something. That's fucking rough. That's rough.

You're like, maybe I'll play video games. You just get fucking murdered. They're really good at leaving comments on YouTube. They actually are good at that, and I'll tell you what, those work. Those are effective. Yeah, those dudes will absolutely shred you. Fuck a week up for me. Yeah.

I try to do a thing where I'm like, I understand your feeling in my head. I'll be like he's just very upset right now But yeah, they'll get you thinking like it's not a thing Yeah, that's a bad It's about although they're they're like a part of the whole YouTube Ecosystem or like if you catch enough bad ones sometimes you go Maybe I could think about yeah, maybe I am an asshole Or you know, I don't know it's tough because you don't want to be like nobody can tell me shit but then sometimes you'll read them you're like i don't have to deal with

this right now the thing is you don't know who you're talking to my children you don't know who you're talking to true you could be talking to the biggest fucking moron that works at 7-eleven you could be talking to the biggest moron of course and it's just just like, you're like, fuck you, that's not true. Yeah, exactly. It's just a waste of time. It's a total waste of time. Just the numbers you're dealing with. Just the sheer volume of people. Even if you're just reasonably successful.

You don't even have to be regular. You don't even have to be a headliner. You could be just a middle act that has a career. You're going to get hate. You can get hate. Yeah, you'll go through you'll read all the comments they'll be like i saw i saw him this fucking opener sucked whatever his name was i hated him yeah yeah you're always gonna get those well sometimes you can like have someone on the podcast and you just watch everyone like fuck that guy sucks so

bad you're just like god damn bro that sucks man yeah Yeah. Yeah, if I was if I was certain people I would not want to read comments after their guests on podcasts. No, man That's you know, you can tell when it fucks their head, too. I think it gets everybody I don't like every I think it gets everyone a little bit and that you maybe get better I'm better and better now. I can take it now. It's not as much of a shock, but any given day I can read one. That's what I think. Yeah, I'm like I got it under control I'm fine. They come up with new ones. And then you find one, and you're like,

damn. They do come up with new ones. You're like, I never even thought of that before. Yeah. Fuck. You sons of bitches. It's part of that. That's also part of the process, right? Developing the ability to just not be affected by that. It's true. It's like snake venom. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Get little doses of snake venom. Well, because you can

also get conflicting messages where like, awesome, you're the fucking worst piece of shit in the world, and you're like, wait a minute. Yeah, you have to stop and be like, what am I? I'm probably somewhere in the middle. Probably just an average fucking idiot. Who's got better grammar? Oh, the guy who likes me spells right. Yeah, that's true.

He doesn't write your, you are. This guy's on the ball. He's on the ball. That's true, too. If you see a lot of typos in the comment, you'd be like, dude, move on, bro. Fucking moron. Go back to school, brother. Get out of here. You can't even spell. Bro, who are you criticizing?

Matthew, would you please hand me a Bud Light? Absolutely, dude. Responsibly. Absolutely. Wow. What a fucking beer, dude. Goddamn, dude. Something about it.

Dude, it's... I met the Clydesdales. Did you really? You had to meet horses? I had to meet some horses. And then I got really responsible. It was in New Orleans. I got extremely responsible.

Around the horses? Around the horses? No, and then I called my dad, and he didn't answer. It was late. And I was like, I met horses. I left him like a voicemail. I was like, Dad, it was a good time in New Orleans. I saw horses. I met the like a voicemail. I was like, that was a good time in New Orleans. I saw horses.

I met the Clydesdales. He was like, Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. It's a big fucking horse, right? It's the biggest fucking horse I've ever seen. They're jacked. Its head was the size of me. They're a lot bigger than bigger horses, right?

Clydesdales? Clydesdales, especially the Anheuser-Busch ones, they're gigantic. Jesus Christ. And I'll tell you, they're big everywhere, if you know what I'm talking about. Big cock. Distracting. Distracting. There it is.

Wow, that thing is huge. Holy shit. Look at the size of that horse. Dude, its head, for real, is the size of half of your body. You're a big dude. Yeah, that horse. That's like maybe people need to recognize. How tall are you?

I'm 6'3". So he's 6'3". Look how big that fucking horse is. That horse's back is like 5'10". Yeah. That's insane. It's crazy. How much bigger are they than a regular horse?

Because look at the top of his head. Dude, their shoes are like enormous. Regular ones like that. He looks so big. Look at his head. It's so scary. His shoes are like, it's crazy. Regular ones like that. He looks so big. Like, look at his head. It's so scary. His head looks like half of your body. I brought Cam with me for this tour.

So it was me and Cam Patterson. All right, enough, Jamie. Look at me being a fucking sellout, huh? Listen, man, you fucking love Bud Light. Yeah, man. Me and Cam got in there and they were showing us the Clydesdales and there's like a

a lady giving us like the details of all the which was obviously very interesting it's like how much they fucking eat and everything literally as soon as

we walked in we looked at that thing's fucking junk and immediately we're like I'm trying to like peep as a bug for real I'm trying to listen

to this tour guide and I'm literally standing there like this fucking dick is big oh my god look at the size of it compared to a regular horse holy shit dude holy shit they're so big that one that you showed

originally the left hand lower left hand corner jimmy look at that one that's crazy holy fuck showed originally the left hand lower left hand corner Jimmy? Yeah. Look at that one. Donkey bro. That's crazy. Holy fuck. That's crazy how big that thing is. They're always like these horses are very gentle

they're the nicest horses and I'm sure they are but when you're standing next to that thing you're like dude that thing could do anything and I'm dead. Is that a Viking horse? Is that what the Vikings used? What is that? I have no idea. Why was it so big? I don't know, because they're a German company.

Clydesdale? Sounds Scottish. Why are they so big? I'd love to know. Yeah, I mean, they must have select breed them to make them that big. What's Anheuser-Busch's horse division like? You would think they're into horse raising.

They've got a ton of horses. I don't know. That's part of their business is they keep horses. They didn't shoot any of them after everything went south. They would never shoot the horses, dude. I'm just wondering. That's what happens when people go poor. They shoot horses.

How dare you. Not my company. They fired a lot of people. I was wondering if they shot any horses. Sure, just put them on a horse and smack the horses in. It's a legit question. You know what? Anheuser-Busch owns the rights. They own the rights to diesel engines.

Bro, I know it's funny. It's such an expensive joke, dude. Come on, man. You brought Bud Light back. The horses, yeah, they're very proud of those fucking horses, too. Look, not to be a corporate shill, you see those Clydesdales, it's exciting. You see them pulling the fucking Anheuser-Busch cart. That's why they use them in commercials.

Yeah, it's a very exciting thing. So sick. Look at that. Yeah. God damn. Didn't meet the fucking Dalmatian, though. I was sad about that. What? Bro, they don't even the fucking Dalmatian, though. I was sad about that. What?

Bro, they didn't even look real. They're so big, they don't look real. Yeah, it looks pretty nuts. Fucking crazy. Is that like a ceremony? Is that like the ceremonial? Yeah. It was pretty cool.

At the end of Prohibition, they fucking rode those things right down Pennsylvania Avenue and gave the president a case of Budweiser. Wow. Pretty sick. I forgot how long Prohibition was. It was a while, dude. It was like a decade at least. Yeah.

Isn't that crazy? Everyone was getting wrecked, dude. Isn't that crazy? No one stopped drinking at all. Dude. But that's one of the few things that's ever been made like that that was rescinded. Yeah. True.

And Prohibition is the big lesson, too. It's the big lesson also because it's the rise of the mafia. Prohibition is the rise of the NASCAR. That came from it, too, though. Did it really? Yeah. Those were cars that they souped up to get away from cops. What?

Yeah. That's the origins of NASCAR. Yeah. What? Moonshiner, son. Damn. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely doesn't.

It is wild to think at the end of Prohibition they drove and gave a case of beer to the president Yeah, I think if they legalized weed Bring by just drove by We didn't he just snaps out of it and he's like, oh boy, you know, I just spent so foggy Whoa, but now I'm getting it. How the fuck do they let me be president? I don't even know where my underwear are. What the fuck? Yeah, it's crazy, man. There's no way they can get it.

They can't be serious about running him again. Oh, yeah, he's going to be the president again. No. Yeah, it's going to be crazy. They're just going to keep him on testosterone and Adderall and people are going to vote for him no matter what. Dude, for like... He's fine, dude. He's fine. It's going to be fun. He's the best.

So who's making that decision, though? It's not him. Me. The government calls me. Just say, what do you think, Joe? Say, yeah, run him again. Let's see what's up. Let's see how he does.

This could be his second term. Could you really be a landmark? That could be like historic. He's going to really come back around. He's going to make improvements. Oh, yeah. He's going to... Whatever, they're going to get him on the right meds.

For sure. They need to get him on something. He's going to bounce back. Oh, for sure. He's going to improvements. Oh, yeah, whatever. They're gonna get him on the right meds for sure. They need to get him He's gonna bounce back He's gonna build back better. They should just keep him alive forever start giving him like artificial body parts And he'll just be our Emperor Supreme Out of any problems with anything you just said Yeah, I don't know I don't know what we're doing we need someone to inspire us man I want an inspirational president I want to get pumped

I don't have a picture of my grandfather at JFK and he put him on his wall in his kitchen I have no president to like if only there was

a good Kennedy out there dude that's what I'm saying I need to get that boy up there you like Bobby? yeah I love him man I want him to win so fucking bad

doesn't look like he's going to win why? I want him to win. I wanted to win so fucking bad. Doesn't look like he's going to win. Why? I wanted to win. I wanted to win so bad. It's like, yeah, dude, I love the Temple Owls. I think this year we're going to win the national title. He sent me this thing today. No offense, Bobby.

On Ozempic. Tucker Carlson had this guy who used to work for a pharmaceutical company on his show today, or the episode's out today, and a lot of it is about Ozempic, about how many people are being prescribed Ozempic. But they're handing it out like nothing, too. It's kind of wild. It's kind of wild, because I think it's going to be one of the most profitable drugs ever. Do they know what's going to happen to you after you take it?

People have been taking it. I got a feeling there's no way that works. That's what I'm, dude, people have been taking it for a long time. There's like, well, we've used this for diabetes. I felt that way about literally every single. I know, dude. Dude, SSR, like people were like, you're depressed. I was like, yeah, dude, definitely.

Take this. I'm like, no. They're terrible. They turned out to be awful, dude. The withdrawal from those things are catastrophic. The withdrawal from those things are catastrophic. People have severe biointestinal sort of things happen with them if they have a bad side effect. Numb genitals.

Gastrointestinal. It numbs your genitals? You can get numb genitals, too. Brian Simpson had a real bad reaction to it. Really? Yeah, real bad. That sucks. Brian's sad. Yeah, his stomach was just jacked.

But some people take it and it's no problem at all. Yeah, but when you try to get off of them, you have a headache and brain zaps for like a month. What? What do you want one, Jamie? Ozempic burned off my genitals. I found pieces of charred skin in the toilet. Maybe some other things are going on.

Yeah, true. Fucking Ozempic. Is that real? I mean, New York Post posted it. Dr. Maria's pussy fell off. Oh, my God. She got severe burns and charred skin on her vagina, anus, and buttocks owing to once-weekly jabs. She's a professor of pharmacology.

buttocks owing to once weekly jabs. She's a professor of pharmacology. Oh. Health and pharmacology health at the University of Texas, Rio Grande Valley. Pended testimonially on her ozempic use to newsreel. So she's obviously very smart. It was just ozempic. Toe that pussy up.

That's all. Oh, my God. She said, I checked my genitals, anus, and buttocks. My boyfriend's name is Ozempic. Oh, that's just Ozempic, man. Fucking genitals, anus, and buttocks. My boyfriend's name is Ozampic. Oh, that's just Ozampic, man. Fucking rocked my anus. My anus fell off. I took a shit.

My anus fell off. God damn it. She said some areas had charred skin. She's kind of fine. She said it was as if she was exposed to sunlight for days. Yo. Jesus, man. Why is she taking Ozampic? Because everybody wants to be skinny, man.

Yeah, man. She looks great. And dude, everyone's on. I know a lot of people be skinny, man. Yeah, man. She looks great. And dude, everyone's on. I know a lot of people going on this stuff. Bro, can you imagine? No, I'm not talking about this particular woman. Sure. But if you brought home a lady and she had a charred anus and vagina.

You're like, what happened? I used to be fat. You'd go, all right. She's thin and hot now. Here's a picture of me when I was 250 Like whoa, how'd you do this? Holds on My butt fell off, but things are fine

We could do other stuff Yeah, we could mouth play My holes fell off My holes are rotten My fucking holes fell off My holes are rotten My fucking holes fell off But it's fine Are you into mouth play? Mouth play?

Sorry Bro I know that's not great But saying mouth play And hand play It's so funny What a side effect What are you fucking googling dude?

What are you doing? Jamie? What happened? I just keep going down the article It still hurts When I have to urinate Or defecate It often starts

Peeling again Because of the friction Said the way. It still hurts when I have to urinate or defecate. It often starts peeling again because of the friction, said the survivor. They're calling her a survivor. This might be her lawyer might have wrote all this. On a very strict diet and not taking any medication at this moment in time, but this will change in a few weeks. Rosetta, I want to heal before I start again with any medication. And due to the strict diet, my level of glucose is thankfully under control. She still supports it, which is nice. any medication, and due to the strict diet, my level of glucose is thankfully under control. A friction.

She still supports it, which is nice. She still laws the injections for lowering her blood sugar. Well, that's what it's for, right? It's a diabetes drug. Damn, that's fucking wild. I think one of the side effects is like stomach paralysis or something like that. She had all of the side effects you guys just said. Depression, gastro problems.

I'd be depressed, yeah. Yeah, dude, that's fucked up. Yeah, it's a weird thingro problems. I'd be depressed, yeah. Yeah, dude, that's fucked up. Yeah, it's a weird thing, man, because it's like, yeah, you shouldn't be obese, and I think it's something like 50% of the country, chain. I'm speaking on this. I'm speaking on you people. Fuck you, Joe. Yeah, it's rising.

It's going to be. Did you lose any weight doing the carnivore diet? Yeah, the 12 days I did it, yes. The 12 days, man. That was an easy one to follow. Yeah, I mean, I had vicious diarrhea, so... Shit my pants. That was it.

I mean, me and Matt... It was crazy. I did it with him. It was fucking crazy. Astonishing, right? The diarrhea was astonishing. Shit my pants. How many times?

I shit my boxers once. I was in bed and I shit my fucking boxers. That's when you need to eat a bowl of rice. Yeah, dude. You hit one diarrhea, you go, all right, I'm out. I was in bed and I shit my fucking boxers. That's when you need to eat a bowl of rice. Yeah, dude. You hit one diarrhea, you go, all right, I'm out. I was taking these little Hershey Kiss stuff. Something happens, though, after a while your body figures it out. Man, it was 16 days in.

It took me about two weeks. I remember Tom Segura texted me. He said, this diarrhea is astonishing. It is truly astonishing diarrhea. You won't believe the diarrhea. I had water. It was like black oil. It was like oil water. But it didn't smell that bad, though. I had water. It was like black oil. It was like oil water.

But it didn't smell that bad, though. I don't know what was going on. There was nothing. It was water. Yeah. Vegans will tell you it's all toxins. Really? Your toxins coming out.

Dude, I started missing big dumps. Yeah, I think your body just- Dumps are back on the menu, and I'll tell you what, I'm having the time of my life. Dude, I learned I'm a bit of a size queen, dude. I didn't like those little fucking turds coming out. Little pebble dumps? Yeah, they were bothering me. I couldn't agree more.

You need to get a fucking large dump, dude. You should eat a lot of kale. Just a horse pie. I got some kale in the fridge, right? Yeah, have a lot of kale before you eat your food. Really? Big, meaty dump. I told myself, I got off that.

All that roughage, you know? Yeah. All that roughage and fiber. I told myself, I'm just going to eat meat and told myself I got off that all that roughage and fiber I told myself I'm just gonna eat meat and vegetables I got off that diet I pigged out so hard

and gained all the weight back right away I was like because I was totally disciplined on it I'm like alright I'll add in veggies I'll be good

and day one off of it I was just how did you feel when you were on it I felt good I did feel good I liked the keto I was a little lethargic

the first couple days yeah the first night we did stand up and I was like gotta wake up I'm like out of. Yeah. The first night we did stand-up. Yeah, that was weird. I'm like out of it. Felt a little weird. But the keto stuff, I like the feeling, but I get like weeks into it, I start feeling

kind of like loopy. But I don't think I was eating enough either. I was like, I don't know. Yeah, because you get sick of eating meat. I was so sick of meat. So you just don't eat. You're like, ah. I made a rack of ribs and looked at them, and I was like, I can't, dude.

I can't eat them. I was so sick of meat It was weird I have zero problem Having La Mer lives with me now That was not helpful for the diet Like 2am it'd be like alright I'm ordering pizza You motherfucker

I was making pancakes in my house in the morning For my kids just looking at them It's so weird how the most Desirable foods are all terrible for you i know their most desire like a plate of lasagna like smell it like yeah a good pizza right out of the oven like oh gee right when you're about to take that bite and you feel that warm cheese and the sauce and yeah me and lam be honest with you. Yeah. Me and LaMera ate some DiGiorno last night while we were watching Cops. How was it? Shit rocked. Fuck.

So you get the frozen shit? We usually don't, but, you know. What's the best frozen? What's the one that you could cook from frozen? DiGiorno's fucking good. Is it? Yes. It was, especially, I mean, if you're eating DiGiorno, you're blacked out. You're a piece of shit. It's not going well.

They kill more, those pizzas probably kill more people from the house fires. Dude, you ever read the fucking nutrition's on those? From the house fires. People get blacked out and put those things in the oven and pass out all the time. Those things are like the leading cause of death. They kill whole blocks of roe worms. For real. There's no, yes, that has to happen.

Nonsense. How many of the people eating frozen pizzas are drunk? What's the percentage? If you're sober eating a frozen pizza, you're a fucking loser. I'll be on the record for that. It's just pedophiles eating them. Pedophiles are sober eating frozen pizza. If you're not kind of lit when you're eating one of those, you're a pedophile.

You gotta be high as fuck. Have you ever tried to make your own pizza? You ever do the pizza oven thing? Yeah, I worked at a restaurant. We were doing that. I'm not good at it. But now you have a nice yard. Maybe you should get a little pizza oven.

Oh, a pizza oven would be nice. Yeah. Guys, I'm not doing anything. Your culinary journey is going to be amazing. I'm playing Xbox until it shows. I can see you. It's not that hard. I don't buy furniture.

I can see you with a ladle of sauce. Throw in the French mozzarella. I'm never going to change. The basil. I can see you with a ladle of sauce, throwing the French mozzarella, the basil, pushing it in there. I've accepted who I am. With the Bud Light, watching it cook, turning it. Dude, cooking is a serious great joy of life. Learning how to cook is a genuine great joy. We gotta get you into making pizzas,

bro. Joe, you know that's the last thing I need. You can use non-GMO organic flour. Get some Italy flour. Yeah. Some flour straight from Italy with no fucking herbicides in it. No, I'm going to play Xbox and DoorDash Chipotle and then go to the show. That's it.

Well, that's another option. That's my schedule every day. That's a solid option. That is kind of tight. Fuck, the show's in eight hours. Fuck. So soon. That's cutting into all my doing nothing. Are you ready to

get back onto our workout routine? I am. I've been hitting you up. I've been like, bro, I need you. You came here once. I need you, though. Yeah, you need help. I need someone to go, you have to do it. When you tell me if you're like, I can't make it today, I'm literally, I'm waking up looking at my phone going, I really like working out with you guys, but I also really like working out by myself.

Going nuts, yeah. Yeah. It's just, for me, it's like, it's a good time where there's nothing going on, just me doing the routine. You've been working out? Yeah, of course. You motherfucker. What are you talking about?

I always work out. I never, I'm not going to ever stop working out. You've been saying I can't work out today and you're working out? No, I said I couldn't do certain things. I hurt my back for a little bit. It wasn't bad, though. It was a muscle pull. It wasn't anything to do with the spine.

I was doing this new exercise and it was doing it a little too heavy. I tweaked something, but it was like a couple weeks later. It was fine. Now it's full. I am ready to get back, though. I need it. Yeah. Let's go.

Okay. All right. Yeah, no slackers. Yeah, I need it. Brian Simpson likes to leave. Okay. All right. Yeah, no slackers. Yeah, I need it. Brian Simpson likes to leave early. Oh, I got a meeting. Brian Simpson always has a meeting. He's got something.

He's got a meeting at 1 every fucking time. Every fucking time we work out, he gets that one hour. The sauna is the best, dude. The sauna. Dude. He'll literally, he gets out 6. He's like, oh, fuck my phone. He'll be like, dude, you're such a dickhead.

Oh, I gotta take a piss. Yeah. I'll take a whiz. No, it's nice. No, I don't have to. I was like, I'll take a whiz right now. Go take a whiz. Go take a whiz.

Good luck. Thank you. Don't. I won't blow it, dude. I'll be cool. Don't bring up anybody in particular. I'll be cool. I'll fucking kill you.

Come on, bro. We're fine. We're not going to talk about horses. Is he the panic in his face when we're talking about shooting horses? Yeah. They are fucking impressive, though. They're fucking amazing, man. I have no idea they're that.

I kind of knew, but I don't think I'd ever seen one next to a regular horse before. I did not know they were that big, either. They're a dwarf and regular horse. I'm scared of horses, man. I got fucked off'd ever seen one next to a regular horse before. I did not know they were that big either, that they were dwarfing regular horses. I'm scared of horses, man. I got fucked off of one when I was little. Oh, no. We had, like, I grew up next to, so I was one of six, and my cousins were one of ten, and my dad and my uncle bought, like, a piece of land outside of Philadelphia.

Like, it was, like, a rural area. It got built up now. But I grew up next to, like, ten. I had 10 cousins that we'd all just like fuck around. Behind it, there was a guy who ran land off of us. He had horses. So I was always like we cut through the horse place to get to the woods. And like, dude, they'll charge you and shit. They're scary.

Yeah. I'm still to this day terrified of them. We used to ride them. The one just went nuts and just bucked me off. And I was like, fuck this, dude. I mean, I get it. I think riding them looks awesome. But whenever you're're riding an animal like you're on an animal like hang on to an animal yeah necessary yeah it's like it's good beside like fuck

this guy this thing could kill me friend of mine was in a trail of horses where they were going into like this deep mountain hunt, and one of the horses fell. Oh. It broke its leg, and they had to shoot it right then and there. Really? Yeah. Oh, because they can't get it back, basically. They can't get it back, and they don't heal.

Really? Yeah, they shoot horses. Damn, I didn't know that. When the horses break their leg, they shoot them. Jesus. Yeah. I didn't know they didn't heal. They don't heal.

Yeah, they never totally heal. And don't heal. They never totally heal. I think there's probably this was quite a few years ago there's probably methods that they use now can they heal horses? They definitely can't run again. If it's a racehorse and they break their leg they'll never run again.

They had to shoot this horse my buddy was on this wilderness trail and the horse fell. It snapped its leg. And he's blasted it in the head. They had to shoot it. You ever see that at the racetrack? No, they don't.

If a horse breaks its leg, they'll bring out like a tarp on the track and hide it from the crowd and just inject it. Yeah. Whoa, that's harsh. I mean, I don't know how You know Often they're still doing that But that was That was just what they did They probably do yeah

Yeah Bones suck They break too easy Yeah They break so easy They take so long to heal Yeah It's ridiculous

Such a shit design That's why we have to Accept the new When we get AI When you're gonna get a new body You're gonna get some titanium frame. That would be sick. When is that stuff coming?

Unlike humans, horse has heavy bones and light leg bones. This is the way heavy bodies, rather, and light leg bones. This is the way they've developed many breeds, especially the thoroughbreds. When bones break, they may often shatter, and it's almost impossible to surgically reconstruct the fractured leg. While humans have some large muscles and a bit of tissue below the knee that helps stabilize a broken bone, along with a cast, a horse has very little muscle and hardly any other tissue besides tendons, ligaments, blood vessels, and some nerves below the knee.

Oh, wow. The lack of muscle and other tissue means that even in a cast, the broken bone has little to support it, and it's much harder to prevent a cast, the broken bone has little to support it, and it's much harder to prevent a horse from using its broken leg to bear weight. Wow. Kill it. So they have to shoot it. Got to kill it.

Wow. The disorder says that they've figured out some stuff, but that's why. That's been the most common way to handle it. Compound fractures where broken bone penetrates the skin have a much poorer prognosis and are less likely to heal successfully without complications. Such cases are likely to be euthanized, particularly if blood supply to the leg has been compromised. So this is repaired. The less complicated the fracture, the more likely the horse will recover. Oh, so there are some that recover. Green stick and stress fractures are incomplete fractures, and these can usually be treated successfully. Simple fractures

where there's one clean break are more likely to heal successfully than shattered bones. Nah, you gotta kill them. It stinks. Gotta shoot them. Dang, you guys bringing up euthanasia? Imagine tearing a ligament 500 years ago. You're dead.

I mean, even during the Bobby Orr days, back in those days, Bobby Orr days, during the back in those days, Bobby Orr used to work out at this gym that I worked at when I was 19. That's awesome. And he walked in and he couldn't straighten his legs. So he had to walk with legs

permanently bent. And he would play racquetball. That's one of his knees. What the fuck? Bobby Orr, number four. Bro, they just cut his knees all over the place. Oh, man. Just covered in scars. Back then, man, the surgeries were terrible.

Yeah. And you didn't really recover. Yeah. You're never really the same again. Yeah, if you, like, pulled your meniscus and you're, like, a hunter-gatherer, they'd just probably leave you. Probably fucked. Yeah, you'd just walk through it.

You just dealt with excruciating pain Yeah true yeah maybe that too You just dealt with excruciating pain forever Fuck that sucks If you were lucky If you weren't lucky you'd get eaten by a jaguar Yeah a cat A cat fucking snatches you up by your neck

Drags you up a tree Yeah dude that was the majority of human history was just brutal, violent death. Well, that's why people- All day, every day. Little kids are scared of monsters. Yeah. What experience did they have with monsters? No.

They know. That represents animals that'll eat you. It represents wolves. Yeah, it's instinctual. Yeah. Baby turtles are scared of hawks. That's what's going to happen to us again in about four years. What's going to happen?

Wolves. Wolves. Wolves everywhere. No electricity. Small packs of people. Isn't that going to be kind of cool, though? Banded together right out of a bullet.

Everyone tells me, I think that would be kind of tough. Second the grid goes down, I'm fucking... You have no idea how bad it's going to be. It's going to be bad,

but like, dude, you get your juices. Here's the thing, you're not going to be like bored and like, what's the point? I'm gonna kiss you first of all There will be no second the grid goes down if the power goes out of my house I'm coming straight. I'm going to your room get in here break down that door. I'm gonna get a generator You better I need one you better charge that thing cuz I'm coming just imagine if just

Maybe life stays exactly the same to figure out a way to get us food They figure out a way to get us food. They figure out a way to get us gasoline. But there's no electricity. You can drive around, but there's no electricity, no social media, no internet. So the 80s. Just imagine that right now. Imagine that right now. That'd be nice.

But the world would be in a fucking turmoil. No one would know what to do. Oh, yeah. What do I do? What's real? What's going on i gotta read the newspaper what yeah there's no electricity so you can't even watch tv there's no tv at all we should try it for like a month have like the whole country just go off for a month yeah they

wouldn't even be able to do the newspaper because they don't have the machines to do the newspaper like they used to do before the electricity so they wouldn't even have the newspaper yeah well they're clamping down on facebook and stuff now again, I think. They've been trying to get them forever. Oh, yeah. What are they trying to do? The government's like, I don't know if it's like a political ploy. If I would guess, if I was the government and I was looking at social media, I would

say a couple things. One, if you're protecting people. The fucking, the thing that's valuable valuable no one knew was valuable everybody consented to give away their information but nobody ever thought data was a commodity that had never been a thing in human history the data was insanely valuable

and then the people who have that data now with all that money have this insane ability to to donate to what are you doing Jamie showing you what they're suing them for. Oh. More than 40 states and districts of Columbia filed lawsuits against Meta, the parent company of Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp.

Facebook and Instagram deliberately manipulate their apps in ways to addict kids and teens and have failed to keep them off despite age limits. Here's the thing, though. Why is it their responsibility? Just like why is it Pornhub's responsibility to make sure that you're 18? If you have a kid, it's supposed to be your responsibility to see

what the kid's doing, right? But how are you going to unless you have to use your ID every time you sign up and they have to verify your age. They do that in Louisiana. Do they? Yeah, I tried to jack off in Louisiana. Yeah. Utah you can't even get on. Utah you can't even get on.

Yeah, you can't get on the sites in Utah. I found a site. I mean, you dig up some OG sites. Boobs.com. You have to dig up the OG porn sites, yeah. Yeah, I had to dig deep. I'll tell you what, you go to those fucking off-the-grid porn sites. You don't use a VPN? No. You should use a VPN.

That's a good idea, actually. Yeah,. Yeah. Oh, that's a good idea actually. Yeah, you should use one. That's a great idea. It's great. It's a VPN. Easy. Yeah. One click.

It's a sponsor. Nice. Easy to use. Yeah, you could pretend you're in fucking Hawaii. You could pretend you're anywhere you want. Oh, that's kind of nice.

Oh, do you think I can use it to bet somewhere else maybe? Not just... I don't know. I know that people use... Oh, this is your sponsor. VPNs. I'm going to use it Use it to bet somewhere else, maybe? Not just... I don't know. I know that people use... Oh, this is your sponsor. VPNs. I'm going to use it to bet somewhere else.

There are sponsors. I know people have used it to collect Pokemons. I'm going to look up all types of stuff. To collect Pokemons? Yeah, they've collected Pokemons in places where they weren't really there. I know people have used VPNs to bypass countries. Like, you know, Netflix is like United States Netflix. You can go to UK Netflix.

You can go to, you know, Asian Netflix. You can go to whatever you want. That's pretty cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Fuck. I think they're our sponsor, too, actually. Yeah. Shit, I love them.

I'll never bet somewhere else. That's another thing that was like impossible. Now it's everywhere. Betting was impossible back in the day. Yeah. Like fucking 10 years ago. Yeah.

My dad was a... Everyone, dude. Everyone had... What am I doing? I'm just going to snitch on my fucking dad. Nobody... Almost, you guys.

What the fuck am I snitching on him for? It was a whole MMA organization that existed before betting went down. And I think part of their business model was betting. It was Bodog. They had some big fights. They had Fedor fight for Bodog.

Jorge Masvidal fought for them. Some big fighters. I think Chael Sonnen fought for them. And they had fights on a beautiful beach in Costa Rica with hot ring card girls walking around. And they had the fights outside with world-class fighters fighting outside. That's crazy. Yeah. And I think, I'm pretty sure that was the business model was about gambling.

That makes sense. I saw it coming. England had it before us. I watched soccer and soccer teams' jerseys would have just like bet.com on it. Draft games and all that shit. Yeah, yeah. So it's coming. There was another thing, the international pool tour, they had a similar situation.

They had this big like multi $100,000, like $300,000, $400,000 for the winners for these tournaments, which is huge for pool players But it was all about online gambling and then the online gambling they killed that they put the kibosh on that really Yeah, they fucked up everything for just telling people what they can and can't gamble on Yeah, that's like my same feeling about like this meta thing. It's like I get it Yeah, the algorithms are designed to keep you engaged, but they keep you engaged with what you're interested in. That's the thing. It's like they're saying they're shoving you only news from one source.

Yeah, but that's not their responsibility, I don't think. They're not a news distributor. If you're only into QAnon, they're going to send you fucking QAnon shit. You're going to get a lot of QAnons. I mean, I'm sure we've talked about something happened with the algorithm lately. What's going on with it? I don't know. Oh, with the violent stuff?

All this stuff. Oh, God. They're just tossing it in. I don't get it. Instagram doesn't come to me. I'll start sending you. Oh, I'll send it to you. I'll put you on the one that me and Segura are on.

I don't want to see that. Oh, my God. Segura has done that to me like twice. We do it every day. I don't want to see that. Oh my god has done that to me like twice We do it every day the second you see Arabic in the fucking description No, I've seen so many people get shot really I don't oh my god over the last month I've probably seen a hundred people get shot No bullshit factory workers multiple times day of factory workers. Those are those are horrible. Multiple times a day. Factory workers getting crushed to death. Those are horrible. Oh, you're seeing the industrial accidents?

Oh my God. You don't know. Crazy industrial accidents. Buildings falling on people. Falling on them. People sliding in a scooter under a truck. Getting dragged by the truck. Everything. You name it. Guys getting cut in half by trains.

Their buddies pulling the arms. It. Oh, it's no good In trails are hanging out. Yeah. No. Oh So much just like he threw his friend under the bus and he fell over and over again Horrible shit last night He was like, oh no like as soon as I was like I'm as soon as I got in the club I was like I need security footage and, he was like, oh, no. As soon as I got in the club, I was like, I need security footage. And then he was like, oh, no, everyone's going to see me fall. And I was like, I'm doing Rogan tomorrow. He was like, oh, no.

That was like 10 million people at least. It adds to his charm, though. Yeah, that's what I was telling him. It adds to his charm. He's the funniest guy ever. Listen, everybody shit their pants and everybody's falling. Exactly. Yeah, I shit my pants just last week. Really? I thought I was going him about. He's the funniest guy ever. Everybody's shit their pants and everybody's falling. Exactly.

Yeah, I shit my pants just last week. Really? I thought I was going to fart in my house. I felt it come out wet. I was like, you son of a bitch. You know what? Sometimes that's kind of nice, though. You get a midday shower. I was on my way out the door.

Oh, that's not good. I was on my way to do a podcast. Oh. Shit my pants. Shit your fucking pants. God damn it. And I rinse them off in the sink. Yeah, I'm usually good about shards. Yeah, I guess you have to. Yeah. God damn it. Rinse them off in the sink. Yeah, I'm usually good about shards.

Yeah, I guess you have to. Yeah, true. I usually can like, sometimes I surprise myself. I'm like, I definitely shit myself. And I'm like, no, I didn't. One time I was coming home from Fear Factor. I just have a sweaty ass and I farted. One time I was coming home from Fear Factor and I just, I was fighting it.

I was fighting it. You let it go? There was a battle. You let it go? There was a battle. It was like, oh God, it go? There was a battle. You let it go? There was a battle. It was like, oh, God. It was cramping. He went into the light.

I just filled my pants. I mean, filled. I mean, filled, like where I immediately felt it in my socks, like right away. I was like, oh, good Lord. I mean, it rocketed out of my asshole. The underwear was about as effective as our border wall. It went down my legs. I fell through the back of my legs instantly.

I was like, oh, Christ. It was an explosion. I was holding back as long as I could. You released it. It was like hanging off of a bridge, and you realize you can't pull yourself up. You just let go. You go, that's it, man. Where were you? Fuck.

How far from the house were you? I do not remember. I just remember being in my car and just unloading on my SUV seats. I had a Lexus SUV. I just filled that front seat up with shit. How did you clean that out? What was the process? I took it to the car wash, bro.

Oh, my God. I cleaned it out myself, and then I brought it to the car wash to get it detailed. I didn't tell them I shit myself. No, they knew. They got in the car like, holy. What the fuck, dude? What the fuck? The Fairfax guy just gave us a shitty truck.

Hopefully, they had leather seats, man. Leather seats. Oh, yeah, they were leather. Good, thank God. That's good for dumps. Cloth. Cloth better than cloth, bro. It gets in that foam.

That's what I'm saying. It never comes out. It's over. Doodoo in your foam. It's over. You got to cut that foam out. Dude, if someone throws up in your car, it smells forever. It's over.

You got to burn it and say, oh, it caught on fire, and bring it to the dealership. I did not shit myself. I definitely didn't shit myself, but I caught my front seat on fire. My friend shit himself at work when we worked together, and he drove home sneakily to change his pants. We were younger, too. We were in high school. And his mom was outside, and she was like, what are you doing? He's like, I shit my pants.

And she made him get undressed and hosed him off outside. Oh, my God. It's fucking embarrassing. Yeah, it's as embarrassing as it gets. Getting hosed by your mom because you shit your pants. Your mom's cleaning up your asshole. Or a garden hose. He was poured into the driveway.

She's getting thumb on it to make it blast. She's getting thumb on it. Dude. It's really focusing. It's like cleaning on the... You gotta just... You gotta just stand there. I know, Mom.

The hose water's fucking freezing. It's cold. He said he was in his driveway, saw his house, and it just lost... He's like, I lost it, dude. At the goal line, just fucking... At the goal line. Breaks his leg, I can Clydesdale. At the goal line At the goal line Breaks his leg Like a Clydesdale At the goal line

I mean that is where it gets you The second you I wasn't even I wasn't even close to my house I drove I drove with the windows down Smelling my own shit For a solid 25 minutes

Oh my god dude What was going through your head though? Did you accept it? Were you like, this is unacceptable? Yeah, I shit myself. I'm like, what are you going to do? I had ruthless diarrhea, whatever the hell was going on. Yeah, you're sick?

Yeah, it must have been. I don't remember. All I remember is that feeling. The feeling of knowing you're going to lose. Yeah. I'm going to have to tap out. I don't want to have them blacking out. I feel it. Yeah. I'm gonna have to tap out. I don't want to have them blacking out.

I feel it. Yeah. It feels so good though, dude, to just be like. That was horrible. Just give in and be like,

fuck. If I had made it to the toilet, it would have been amazing. Dude. It would have been one of the greatest victories of my career.

Matt gave me a bunch of like microdose mushrooms. Oh, yeah. Took more than I should and I was just on a walk. I was like, I'll just have a nice walk around New York I should and I was just on a walk. I was like, I'll just have a nice walk

around New York. Dude, I got like two blocks away and I was like, my stomach just went, and I was like, Oh, no. Dude, I sprinted home. I sprinted home.

Tommy was downstairs and heard me run up the steps and he was like, what the fuck was that? I've got some great victories in my shitting career. Yeah, that was one of the biggest victories

I've ever had. When you get to the ball? Oh He works at the front door. Yes. Yes. Yes, if you keep those muscles tight Yeah, get to the ball and you're one you're quivering when you're pulling your pants down Oh weird buzzer The three pointers in the air. It's dame time, dude. I got jammed in an Uber on the way to the airport.

It was like 6 in the morning, and all of a sudden on the way, I was like, oh, fuck. And I had like 20 minutes. And I was in the lady's car sitting on one ass cheek. It was so bad. I had to look my ass up. And I was just letting out these any fart could have been said. And I was like, I wanted to tell her like I'm sorry. I was farting in the back of her car.

I couldn't not do it. I had to release pressure. And you're sitting sideways. And I'm sitting sideways. She looks back. Did you say sorry? No. Oh, alright.

She looks back at your launching. I was at Terminal C. You're in the sideways launch position. I was at Terminal C and I'm like, Terminal A is fine. Cause I was like, where are you going? I was like, oh, Terminal C. And I got there. I'm like, Terminal A is fine. Damn, you jumped at the airport at, Terminal C and I got there. I'm like, Terminal A's fine.

You jumped at the airport at the... At the entrance of the airport where all the homeless people go in because anyone could get in. I made it and I sat down. I saw there was no toilet paper and I went, fuck it, and I had to just let it out. What'd you do? And luckily, dude, I went in my school bag and my wife gave me a packet of

Kleenex. I saw them put it in my bag like weeks ago. I'm like, dude, I don't need that fucking shit in my bag. She threw it in my bag and I went, what an angel. Pulled the Kleenex out, wiped my ass. Woman's intuition. It was. It's a shit tuition. It's a woman's touch.

Bro, after using these robot toilets to clean your butt, I get sad when I have to just wipe it. Because I know it's gross. It sucks, dude. Wiping your ass. It's gross. You're just smearing shit all over yourself. All the way up there. You're like rubbing it to the point where you look at the tissue, and it's reasonable. That's reasonable

Yeah, oh fuck my ass itches The bidets are so nice Nice I bought one from my old house, and I try to connect it in the fucking water sprayed everywhere So I got a higher professional. Yeah, I heard somebody yeah, I gotta get a bidet. It's so nice. Dude, in the fucking bathroom in the comedy club. Oh, yeah, it's nice. Dude, we didn't have one for a while. You've been shitting in there, dude? You've been shitting in the one bathroom?

I shit every time I do stand. I can't help it. There's a button that says defecate. You ever hit that button? Yes, bro. I've hit all the buttons. Really? That's a pipe cleaner.

I haven't dumped there, I don't think. Bro. Dude. What does it say? North America through the 1700s, people were still wiping whatever they had on hand. Oh, yeah. Most common things were corn cobs and seashells. Pause on the corn cobs.

They scraped their asshole with seashells. Seashells? But by the 1800s, paper was becoming more widely available. Yeah, magazines. Finally, in 1857, a New Yorker named Joseph Gaiety introduced the first patented toilet paper. Boss. Wow. Hero.

1857. So until 1857, everyone was just... The Romans cleaned it behind sea sponges. That's nice. That seems like a good move. That beats the fuck out of a seashell. Attached to a stick. Yeah.

Yeah, a lot of places in the world keep a dish of water. In the Middle East, you keep a dish of water above your toilet and use one hand to splash water on your ass. Huh. A wiping thesaurus. Interesting. I think that's the move. The move is the sponge. I like that. Because if you use the sponge, then you can clean the sponge off. Yeah. You can reuse it. It's green.

You throw the sponge away, Jamie? Yeah, it's just like a pile of sponges in the toilet. No, no, no. You clean your sponge. You piece of shit. Everybody gets one sponge. It gotta share your sponge with me. Clean it. Everybody gets one sponge. You get one. It goes with your voter ID.

It's on the end of a spear. It's a sea sponge. Go get another one. You can go in the ocean and grab it. You don't have to put it on the end of a spear. You hold it in your hand like a gentleman. They would get old, though. Just test for a stick.

It's like you're buffing. Like when you're buffing your hood. Just buff your asshole with a sea sponge. A sponge, actually, that is nice. That seems like a good move. A thing for your car would feel great on your house. Sponge, I might test a sponge. So you have a toilet, and right next to the toilet, you got like a basin.

The water's flowing. You dunk your sponge in there, clean it out. It's a nice sound, too. It's not bad. It's just water dripping in. Unless you just got a mess. Chunky, thick. Through the shower.

Frozen yogurt. You're never, thick. Through the shower. Frozen yogurt. You're never getting it out of the sponge. It's deep. It's all over your ass cheeks. You're wiping your legs. It's all the way up your back. It's dripping down your legs now. What the fuck did I do?

They were used and shared by fellow butt wipers. Oh, they were used and shared. You don't have your own. Of course. Why would you have your own, Jamie? Yeah, it's fucking Rome, dude. Okay, so if one of the freak visitors had intestinal worms, all the others

would carry them home, too. Without any knowledge of how diseases spread, the overall Roman toilet setup could hardly be called hygienic by modern standards yet. You know how they told me to test kids for worms? They said put a piece of scotch tape on your kid's butthole while it's sleeping, and the worms come out of the butthole at night, and they'll get stuffed in the scotch tape.

What? Yeah, I had a doctor tell my wife this today. Don't you have to shine a light on your kid's asshole to see the worms coming out at night? Hopefully, they want us to put scotch tape on the B-hole. Mayo Clinic says to do that, too. Press the adhesive side of a piece of transparent tape to the skin around the anus of the person you suspect as pinworms. As soon as the person awakens, the eggs stick to the tape. When you take the tape to your appointment so the doctor can look at pinworms or eggs under a microscope.

Interesting. Isn't that fucking crazy? Bro, this is a crazy video of a black bear. This black bear is walking and it's got worms. It's got worms coming out of its butt. Like a giant one. Like garden nose. Yeah, garden yeah like garden noses hanging out of his ass how crazy is his face he's like i know dude this sucks this is embarrassing the size of those worms what must be going on in their gut oh my god the worms must

be getting most of the food. Yeah. Oh, that's so nasty. If they're making their way all the way out through your asshole, that thick. Look at that. Those thick COVID vaccine-like ropes. Those blood clots you find on Reddit. That's what it looks like.

Look at the fucking length of that thing. Look at that one. That one you just showed, Jamie I was thinking it was a video I was trying to see, yeah But look at the length Oh my god Look at the length of that Someone pulled it out

Look at the worms behind him Oh, brother That tree's not the answer, man No, that's good though for now True I actually have no idea Jamie, get that bear Racking his nuts doing that

It's pretty great He has no idea What's going on in his butt Let's change the subject From diarrhea and worms. Bro, that is crazy. That's terrible. That's crazy.

It's kind of sad. That's nasty. You ever see that bear get hit in the nuts? This one? Yeah, it's pretty wonderful. This is great. This is one of the

greatest videos ever. There we go. He's gearing up. What's he doing? Scratching his head. Scratching, man. God, that's got to feel fucking awesome. Yeah, look at him.

He's just rubbing his back. Is there any other animal that does that? Oh, no. Oh, he caught himself. He ran his nuts. He ran his nuts. Look at him. He's like, oh, my nuts. Oh, my nuts.

Oh my nuts. He's just a dude. Instantly just a dude. As soon as he got hit. I know. And it took like a good 10 seconds to fully kick in on him. They are absolutely the coolest animal. Yeah.

They're the coolest. Grizzly would kill a gorilla, dude. Yeah I think so. Really? Yeah bro. It's a hot take. I'm tired of these people saying gorillas would fuck up a grizzly. Yeah, that's crazy.

Grizzlies are fucking- They're huge. They run 40 miles an hour. Well, there's different types. There's different types. There's mountain grizzlies, and then there's coastal brown bears, which are the same species, but they have much more access to protein. They're just eating salmon all day.

And moose. Those things are giant. Yeah Yeah, they run so fast, but more importantly in my god But we'll believe it or not like John Donahue and Lex Friedman had a conversation about this that I saw it was hilarious but who would win a gorilla a bear a grizzly bear or a lion and What would he lines getting rocked, right? Well- A bear? Easy.

No, no, probably not. Really? Yeah, probably not. No. No, I'm out. Yeah. It's hard to say. I'm out.

It's hard to say. Lions are pretty big. You know, a big male lion- Tigers would fuck up a lion. A tiger would. Yeah. A big, like, Siberian and those really enormous tigers. I watched a sloth bear hold his own against a fucking tiger recently.

That's just a shitty, mangy, shitty bear. Those are very aggressive bears. A grizzly. Sloth bears are very aggressive. They kill a lot of people in India, I believe. I've seen, that was the first time I met you. I showed you a sloth bear killing a man. The day we met.

The first time we did an open mic together, I was like, yo, check this out. There's the bear eating a guy. He showed me a guy jump off a building and I was like, sick. That was a rough one. This is a bear versus a tiger. This is actually very nice. And that's. That sloth bear is defending its cub.

It's a very nice moment, dude. Yeah. That's a small tiger. And that sloth bear gets rocked cub. It's a very nice moment, dude. Yeah. That's a small tiger. And that sloth bear gets rocked and hangs in there. Yeah. They're tough, dude. They're tough. A grizzly would go nuts on that thing.

Fuck their lineup. Maybe that size tiger. That's not a very big tiger. It depends on how big they are. It's just, think about grizzlies and lions. They're the ones that have the giant advantage cuz they kill shit all the time This is one of the things that Donner said like Gorillas don't really kill anything. Yeah silverbacks have canines. They're just for posturing. Yeah, they're just like first showing their fangs

It's weird It's weird that they have canines because they don't kill any every other thing that has canines as big as a killer stuff Yeah kills things they just eat vegetables Yeah, true. Yeah, wonder if they ever ate meat. Will monkeys eat meat at all? Yeah, monkeys do. Chimps do. Chimps are very carnivorous.

Chimps are very carnivorous. They eat a lot of meat. They eat a lot of monkeys. They eat monkeys. A lot of monkeys. Really? They'll eat deers. They eat monkeys.

They eat everything they can catch. But they eat fruit. If it's available, they eat the fruit. But really what they want is monkeys. That's their favorite thing to eat. Damn. Yeah. They found out. Remember Chimp Hepburn? David Attenborough. Yeah, yeah. But really what they want is monkeys. That's their favorite thing to eat. Damn. Yeah. They found out.

Remember Chimp Hepburn? David Attenborough. Yeah, yeah, true. They were like, fuck them with those things. Well, I had the director on. He said they didn't even show all the chimps eating monkeys. He's like, so often. He was like, it's their favorite thing to do.

Oh. Yeah, look at the size of that cat. Imagine if that motherfucker walks in. Fuck, dude. Siberian versus Bengal tiger, as it said. Yeah, that's a Siberian. They don't really look the same. No, no, no. Good move. No, no, that's a Siberian. They don't really look the same. No, no, no.

Good move. No, no, that's a show of the belly. The guy's like, no thanks. I like that guy chilling. Yeah, look at him. I don't even care. He's like, I'm not even a brother. He's just walking around that cage like Francis Ngannou.

Get the fuck out of my way. Damn, size it. Yeah. So that thing against a grizzly? I don't know. But grizzlies are fucking insanely durable, man. The thing about that, they're designed to fight. A cat is not necessarily designed to fight.

They're designed to kill things. Grizzlies fight each other all the time, and they fight for like 20 minutes. And they tear each other apart, and they don't get hurt. That's a good point. Their skin is so flexible and so thick that they get just bit down on and they're shaking each other. And then they just shake it off. Like nothing happened. Yeah, I'm still grizzly on this.

What's the gorilla's possibility? The thing is like a cat. Super strength? Yeah. Yeah, just strong as fuck. And smart. The gorilla's smart. True.

But they're going to get fucked up. They're going to get fucked up. Are you taking a big cat against a gorilla? A gorilla? smart. True. But they're going to get fucked up. They're going to get fucked up. You're taking a big cat against a gorilla? A gorilla? Bro. No. I'm not necessarily taking the big cat against the grizzly. But maybe.

Because I don't think the big cat is used to fighting. Grizzlies fight so much. Like, they know how to fight. Like, I think it would know how to hold the cat down. Those cats fight. Yeah, but how? I think they have to fight. Don't they kill all the know how to hold the cat down. Those cats fight. Yeah, but I don't. I think they have to fight.

Don't they kill all the, yeah. They get killed. They get kicked out of the fucking group. Yeah, that's true. But grizzlies fight

like every year. Yeah, yeah. Grizzlies are out there. They're always doing that. They're like Tyson and their prime. It's every two weeks.

Yeah, they're hunting each other. I've seen bears fight in the wild. Really? Yeah, it's wild to see. It's wild.

These bears were going at it. I was in Alberta and the way they hunt bears out there the the forest out there is like a box of q-tips oh you can't see you can't see so the way they hunt bears they have a enormous bear population it's like they're infested with black bears they they leave bait out they need to like donuts or something sweet yeah and then the bears come to that. So these bears know where this one, or they leave a dead beaver. That's another thing they leave. So the bears know when the bait is there. And so they'll decide who gets the bait.

Or they'll decide that a female is hot and she's ready to have sex. And they'll fight over the female. But I watch these two dudes just go at it. Just go at it, like 30 yards away from him. It's terrifying. Yeah. It's terrifying. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah, the black bears are prevalent in like the Poconos in Pennsylvania.

People like. Oh, yeah. They're kind of sissies. They are. Dude, people like walking. Well, I mean, they're kind of. They're at least like. They don't fuck with people.

Yeah, they don't. They run away. Until they do. Dude, my neighbor, when I was up there, the guy staying next to us was like, I'll walk down the driveway with him. I'm like, dude, you're out of your fucking mind, man. You're out of your fucking mind. That's crazy.

Jamie, there's a video of, I think it was a black bear getting into a dude's cabin. Really? And he's like, there's no, you can tell it's just a bro. He's like, dude, I think there's something in the kitchen. And then he's like, holy fuck, it's a bear, dude, holy fuck. And it comes up the step. Like, it's, I don't know, Jamie. Dude, they may have.

Find that, because I sound like a dumbass. They killed a kid at Rutgers a few years back. He got killed by a black bear? At Rutgers. Fuck, man. Yeah, he was going to school at Rutgers in New Jersey. The stress factory? New Jersey, yeah, the stress factory.

New Jersey has the highest population of bears per capita in the country. What? Wow. Yeah, New Jersey does. New Jersey State, when the governor, who's currently in, when he was running, one of the things he was running on was stopping the bear hunt. Chris Christie. Because people were upset. People were upset that people were hunting bears. Like the people

that live in Newark and cities. Like, what are you doing in Hackensack? You're hunting bears. They kept that law for two years. And then he's like, forget it. Start hunting bears again. So many bear interactions with people. They were going up so high, they were fucking up people's garbage cans.

Yeah, they come in the Poconos. You got to lock your thing up because they come like every Sunday. They're coming. I was fucking terrified of them. The deer. My family and I, we got a house in the Poconos. And the deer are everywhere. Everywhere.

And they are fucking disgusting. Yeah, you got to shoot them. Dude, we walk outside. There's just the most mangy fucking deer you've ever seen. Well, they also might have chronic wasting disease. They're fucked up. Oh, dude, that's fucked up. My brother saw that. They just drown themselves and stuff. Oh, scary.

It's a- they call it like a zombie disease. It's a prion disease. Look at this bear. Awesome. That guy's just chillin'. No idea. Oh! He's like, what the fuck?

Yo. What the fuck is your problem? Dude, there's one. There's an Asian lady taking a nap, and a bear comes over and starts sniffing her face. Oh, my God. The thing about bears. Sorry. Black bears, if you get attacked by a black bear, it's more likely trying to eat you.

Oh, really? Yeah. If you get attacked by a grizzly bear, it's more likely you shocked it, like you came near its cubs, that kind of thing, or might want to eat you too. That's possible too. But with black bears, it's more likely. They're munching you.

They're just hungry. Wasn't Grizzly Man there when they started to get hungry? Isn't that what happened? Yeah, he stayed. He hung out. He stayed. They were like, don't be there during that season. Yeah.

There were bears that were so hungry they couldn't hibernate. They didn't have enough fat to hibernate. Fuck. It was an old bear and he just didn't have any food. You know? He got a good meal.

Yeah. He became a bear in the end of it. He became a bear. Just sniffing this lady. That's a guy. Dude. Sleep.

He wakes up and he sees a bear. A bear was fucking with his shoe. Bro. Yeah. They, you with his shoe. Bro. Yeah. You know, they're cool. You just don't want a lot of them near you.

Yeah. I don't want any of them. Do you know they used to eat them and not eat deer? They'd eat bears? Yeah, the pioneers. Like, when they first started establishing America, they would eat bear and they would use the deer for skins. That's why a dollar is called a buck

that was the amount of money you can get for one deer skin what yeah they didn't eat deer which is crazy what's bear taste like it tastes good okay it's closer to beef that's why oh you know and so they were they were eating bear and they were just using the deer for skins i like to think of that the guys that got got to North America and ran into fucking grizzlies. Like from Europe. Yo. You're like, what? Well, Europe has a lot of brown bears. Yeah? Yeah. Russia has some of the craziest brown bears.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Germany has brown bears. I think someone got killed by a brown bear. Germany has brown bears? Pretty sure. No way. Yeah. Not anymore. I don't know. Oh, yeah. I guess they got those forests. There's bears in the forest in in certain parts of europe i know for sure i know they have brown bears out there yeah lobster was like prison food when it first came yeah lobster they would like it was like considered disgusting as a bug they found near the boats they feed the prisoners

they would get them out of the east river and serve them to people at bars. It was bar food. First bear in Germany in 16 years. Okay, yeah, there it is. First wild bear in Germany in 170 years. All right, I was close. Okay, that must have been what I read. So are there bears in Spain? Is that what it is? Are there brown bears in Spain?

Oh, so. But there's definitely some... Russia has some phrases in my brain. What is that? I was like, you know, you drink enough and start remembering Spanish. I was like, Oso. For a bear. I think that might be bear.

It is. Nice. The new vodka. Yeah. Oh, really? Tom and Bert. It's Bert's beer? Tom and Bert have a vodka.

It's called Oso? Por Rosas. Oh, what a great name. Hell yeah. Perfect. I just saw the end. You said Oso. I thought you were talking about the vodka itself. Oh, what a great name. Hell yeah. Perfect. I just saw the end. You said Oso. I thought you were talking about the vodka itself.

Oh. Oso. I thought you were talking about that dude who was the guru in Wow Wow Country. That guy ruled. That guy ruled. Oh, Oso. The people are retarded. Dude, Oso's books are good.

For the people, by the people, of the people. But the people are retarded. For the retarded, of the retarded, by the retarded. You're watching me like, damn, this guy's a genius. Wow, this is going to be really insightful. He's so deep. But the people are retarded.

God damn it, dude. That's something I would say. This guy's not smart. He's right, man. I think he's on it, man. Bro. Second language, too. Look at him. Such a G. Government.

Government. By the people. Think of being in this meeting, like. Of the people. Yeah. For the people. But the people are retarded. That's when you look next to you

and your friend's like, what? Wait a minute, we think we might have fucking been on the wrong guru, man. What are we doing? You're in full lotus. You're in orange sweatsuits. Knowing that you gambled on the wrong guru, that's why I'm so glad I got out of that first building.

That first building. I bought a first building before we bought the mothership. Before that spot. I bought a place that was owned by a cult. A cult that's a documentary on it called Holy Hell. Oh, Duncan told me that. Yeah, he told me you were in like a... Was he still kicking around? The guy's in

Hawaii now. Yeah, he restarted. He's a legend though. You told me this guy's story. This guy fucking rules. This guy's a legend. So the guy's in hawaii now yeah really restarted he's a legend though you told me this guy's story this guy's fucking rules guy's a legend so the guy was a gay porn star and a hypnotist a dangerous combo dangerous combination combo and a yoga instructor and beautiful beautiful man like amazing physique six-pack taught yoga and But as he got older, he got creepy. Started getting a lot of plastic surgery, lost his physique. And so the cult awareness network, it was like right after Waco. Cult awareness network, they're cracking down on all these cults, you know, because Waco pops off, right? Those motherfuckers.

So this motherfucker says, okay, I'm going to move to Austin. And just to throw people off who might be thinking I'm running a cult, I'm going to have my followers build me a theater so that I can dance in front of them. And that was the place that I bought. I bought that place. It was going to be my comedy club. Just a gay hypnotist dancer. Well, I found out about it from Ron White.

Ron White's like, you should buy that theater that was owned by the cult. I played there once. It's fucking awesome. Beautiful place. I go, really? He goes, oh, yeah. Fucking the Tuesdays. It's a good Ron White, by the way. It place I go really goes oh yeah fucking good Ron White by the way that's pretty good it's a really good Ron White you know I'm just a giant every time I talk to Ron White

I'm like I'm friends with Ron White it's weird he's the man he might be the coolest dude possible he's one of the greatest humans that's ever walked he's so funny I love that guy to death so when he was telling me to buy the building I was like I'm buying that building. It's for sale. Let's go. And I took him on a tour. And he's like, yeah, I fucking killed right here. So we all looked at it. We brought in architects and everything.

I mean, we were in the planning stages. They had like a significant issue that wasn't addressed that had to be addressed. And I got out of it. Yeah, it's like buying a house. And they're like, it's haunted. Well, and I got out of it. Yeah, it's like buying a house, and they're like, it's haunted. Well, there was a lot of issues. First of all, the people, they were not construction people that made that place.

But then on top of that, Adam Egott tells me about the documentary. I did not know about the documentary. I just knew Ron said, yeah, a cult owned it. I'm like, a cult? Yeah, whatever. Normal stuff. Yeah. Bunch of flower people.

They probably did yoga and grew squash. No. No, no, no. There was a lot of butt fucking going on. Dudes were getting... What? They were getting hypnotized and fucked, and then they had to pay. They had to pay for the therapy.

So he'd give them therapy, they'd have to pay 50 bucks, and then he would fuck them. The idea of... Did it work? Oh, yeah. For the guy. Yeah. That's the thing. No, I'm saying for the patients.

That's the thing about the documentary that's wild. This guy was a legitimate hypnotist, right? And he had these people convinced that he could give them this thing called the knowing. And the knowing was he would, like, place his hands on you. It would have to be the right time, the right moment. But these people, to this day, were saying it's the most amazing moment of their life. It was pure ecstasy. They connected to God.

He, through the power of suggestion, when he put his hands on them, they really did experience that thing. He really did have that power. He really, really actually did. If you're a gullible person who's likely to join a cult

in the first place, you're kind of a sucker. You're not skeptical. You believe this. Then you find yourself in the woods and you're on your knees And this guy's over you and he puts his hands on your your your temples Yeah And they would just go into full bliss and it's wild because it's in the movie and there it doesn't look like they're faking it It looks like they're having this wild transcendent experience like someone just gives them a full-on mushroom trip Just fucking whop just hits them with a giant dose of acid damn and they're just like and then they talk about it afterwards even they're talking shit about him even afterwards

like 20 years later when they're talking shit about him they talk about him they believed in him so much he was yoked yeah he was beautiful. He had a six pack. He was a yoga instructor. See, he would give them this thing, man. He would touch them in the head. And by the way, some of them, he would hold it back from them. He wouldn't give it to them. No, you're not ready. No, I'm ready. And so they'd be complaining for years.

You are not ready. Oh, man. Show that again. Show that again. He's trying to freak people's mouths, bro. Look at the way he's tossing sideways. Yeah, it's nice. This is, by the way, this is later in life when he's getting a little creepy looking. So he starts getting a bunch of plastic surgery and weird shit to his face, and his body kind of falls apart.

But that was him dancing. That was him dancing at the One World Theater. What? Which was the place that i was gonna buy that's it he had them build a theater so he could dance in front of them i mean can you imagine seeing that guy and not hysterically laughing well as he got older he just started looking like real weird man like real weird like look at him yeah but when he was young he was beautiful so that's the the torment of youthful beauty.

You get older, you become a monster. Yeah, but even when he was young, it'd still be like, if I saw a guy like, throw a fruit into some guy's mouth, I'm out. I bet he started throwing the fruit later in life. Yeah, he started getting a little confident. I bet he got a little cocky. Yeah. He'd been running that call for a couple of decades.

That's an older version of the dude. Changed his name twice. That fucking hog though, dude. What's this guy's, he's like a Clydesdale. That's an older version of the dude. Changed his name twice. That fucking hog, though, dude. What's this guy's... He's like a Clydesdale. He's been stuffing in all those butts. What's this guy's problem? Look at all those hungry mouths behind him. Oh, look at him, dude.

Yeah, look at that. Look at the other guy. The other guy had his mouth open, too. The guy's like, I don't want... Look at the dude in the back. He's like... Oh, my mouth. Oh, dude.

I probably said to him, I experienced it through you I felt it I felt it the ecstasy you had of catching master's fruit the gay butt fuck cult man that's tough bro so they found out because in the early maybe worse than Waco a guy left a guy left the cult and sent a mass email like yo this guy's been hypnotized me and butt fucking me for the past ten years and then everybody else swear to god he's fucking good at it. They really didn't know how many people he was doing that to yeah And they all start sharing information

What I mean he ran this thing for a long time the thing they all say though is in the beginning It was great in the beginning of the cult. They were just having Doing yoga together. Then as later, I think as he got older, he couldn't get as many guys, so he needed to fuck them. Yeah. When you get gross looking, the only people that'll fuck you are the people that think you're a master. True. You know, when you're young and hot.

True. I'm getting it. Let me tell you something, Joe. Yeah. True. I know. That's why I came to you. He's out there getting it he probably didn't need

to fuck him in the early days I do like the idea of being in a cult like the moment of clarity where you're like oh it's so funny

dude Waco is so funny to think of a guy being in there when they're like the feds are coming we've got to fight them off and be a guy in the meeting like

fuck oh no shit and if you leave they'll shoot you yeah if you run out that door you're gonna get shot are coming we've got to fight them off and be a guy in the meeting like oh and if you leave they'll shoot you yeah if you run out that door you gotta run out in the middle of the night so you gotta you gotta plan it out you have a fucking toothbrush and a pair of underwear taped to your leg you gotta figure out how to get over the barbed wire oh you gotta run out with a roll of carpet you throw the roll of carpet over the barbed wire you've got it all planned you hear crash like where are you going buddy oh oh jesus christ and you feel the hot lead i heard a lot of those north california grow ups they had that thing

triangle of something on um yeah on netflix i've heard a long time ago they were like that like people with hippie kids would be like i'm gonna go trim on this guy's farm and it's like thinking it's gonna be like some cool hippie guy. But these are like country, Northern California criminals. They're like hot young hippie chicks running out there and getting like drugged and stuff. It's like. Well, that's a documentary series, Sasquatch. Really?

That was nice. Yeah. Very good. That was cool. Very good documentary series. It's about, they attributed a murder to Bigfoot. It said Bigfoot kills. That makes sense. Which is murder to Bigfoot It said Bigfoot killed his wife That makes sense

Which is almost fucking Bigfoot dude You have to be like Oh fuck Bro Bigfoot killed that cartel guy Broke in and killed all the cartel guys That was nuts So it was so remote And so lawless

That guys would come in and steal people's crops. They'd rob people and shoot people. And so it was like these guys started off as hippies, and then it became business. That has to be how every Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, every single monster was definitely just a guy killing a guy. I mean, like fucking Chupacabra came out of nowhere. Back in the day. Before DNA evidence and people believed in the day Yeah, yeah Before DNA evidence People believed in monsters

Sure That's a good idea Yeah Also If you leave someone's body In the woods Like where there's like Wild pigs

And animals They're gonna eat that body Quick All you have to do is Leave the body for 24 hours And something's eating it A coyote's gonna eat it I don't remember

If we talked about this Bro No, no I haven't seen this one. This was so funny. Love Has Won, the cult of Mother God. That's one of the rare cults run by a lady too, right? Yeah. Yeah, we watched some

of this. It is so funny. There's a dude that shows up and just dominates the cult. A dude does? A dude takes over? A dude shows up and just ruins everything. There he was. There he is. He was the the boyfriend he's a meth head he's a meth head yeah yeah he's like amazing prisoner whatever goes to this cult amazing he's like he said he was out raking leaves with all the

community and he just put his rake down and was like i run this and he just immediately started dominating everybody oh Oh, no. Making them listen to heavy metal. Dude, he'd put heavy metal on and be like, this is power. I'm power. Oh, my God. Like, a dude would get to fuck this lady, and then he'd be, like, father God. And then this guy.

So she had, like, three father gods, and the meth head dude came through and shut down. Discovering a mummified body laying in a shrine queen-sized bed wrapped in a sleeping bag decorated with Christmas lights. They believed silver. What's it called? What type of silver? Colloidal silver. They were like, that's going to solve this.

So they were just crushing this lady with silver while she was an alcoholic. Oh, my God. And she started turning blue. As a 19-billion-year-old deity, Carlson claimed she could cure cancer while also drinking herself into oblivion every night. What a wild lady. Wait till you see.

I'm watching that tonight. She's got the Galactics. She channels her deity. I'm writing this down and I'm going to set a reminder to watch. It's so funny. Mother love, right? Love has won. Love has won. she channels her uh they're called the galactics it's a it's a collection of people that i fucking who knows

they have spaceships yeah they have spaceships they're gonna pick her up uh the galactics are really it's robin williams and donald trump who's still alive they love trump which is so funny they do love trump and like she's like uh anytime she gets hammered she's like robin williams is channeling himself through me that's why i'm being mean to everybody she just get it no she just can't hammer to be like fucking bitch clean up all my shit then the next day be like damn robin williams was crazy last night i'm sorry that's hilarious then she starts taking silver and her cult believes her so much that when she starts to be like I Don't know guys. I think the silver might be killing me like no silver is good. You're God. She's like. I'm not God

I'm fucking hammered Hammered for 20 years silver is that the same stuff that made that guy turn blue yeah, bruise on Oprah This is what happened. Yeah, she told you as well turns blue at the end. Oh, boy. Dude. What did she look like at the end? Oh. That. Oh, yeah. Oh, man.

Oh, man. She wasn't that old, right? She was attractive, dude. Show her before. She was hot. Oh, the silver. The colloidal silver. She was.

Jamie's still watching this on a sneak. No, no. Jamie, you like that meat catch. You're that fucking dog, dude. You little tiny dog watching guys catch meat. I've closed it up in Timmy Tab. She was very pretty. She was pretty.

Look at that one. Is that her too? Yeah, that's her. LinkedIn photo. LinkedIn. Glad to see your business is doing well. Yeah, it just became a business where the money guy is hilarious in it. So she was running it

for a while until the method came along. She was so hot. McDonald's manager to cult theater. Wow, she was a McDonald's manager. Yeah, she did it.

Hey, you can do it in this country. Yeah. If you have a good idea and you really work hard. You can. You can die from rum and silver like a pirate.

What the fuck? Rum, rum, and silver. Was she drinking rum? Bro, she was crushing. What the fuck? Rum. Rum. Was she drinking rum? Bro, she was crushing shit. She's hammered the whole time. And then her meth head boyfriend shows up and he rules. He does.

Oh, my God. He dominates everyone. All the other guys are pussies and this dude shows up. They all still believe, though. Oh, my God. That's such a dangerous thing. Look at that guy. Holy shit, dude a dangerous thing look at that super blue colloidal server turns you blue wow he's a good looking guy before that what the fuck that's literally papa smurf that is dude that's so crazy and they can't turn that it looks like

william over decades it looks a little like will, the way he's smiling. If he was bald, he'd be like, that's William Montgomery. I am gonna take colloidal silver! William Montgomery should do that for Halloween. Dude, blue face for Halloween? He might get tackled in the street. Yeah, this guy. That guy had it too? Wow.

That stuff is in the Alex Jones toothpaste. Colloidal silver? Yeah. In the Alex Jones toothpaste Colloidal silver? Yeah In the Alex Jones toothpaste I don't want to I don't want to Besmirch his company Too late

Besmirch him But I think the colloidal Silver was in the Toothpaste His dad's a dentist Alex Jones' dad's a dentist? Yeah man

You ever listen To the program? There it is There it is Colloidal silver Super blue That's an interesting ad Zoom in on that I gotta piss I gotta piss Yeah I'll piss again Okay and it was like, it's easy. There it is, Cluedo Sabre. Super blue. That's an interesting ad.

Zoom in on that. I gotta piss. I gotta piss. Yeah, I'll piss again. Okay. Matt, you can't be by yourself. I'll take a break. Yeah, let's take a break.

We'll be right back. Jesus Christ. Yes. Yes. So much better. Feels good, dude. Yeah. It's good to pee. What's better,

pee and a shit? Really? Shit is better, yeah. Something about a, like a good one. A good one Shitting's better Yeah Something about a Like a good one A good one versus I mean think about a Good whiz Hard like

They're both pretty good But a dump When you're holding a whiz And you get it It's it's it What it is It's a it's like a Clitoral orgasm

That's peeing real hard And then a Jesus Matt Dumping is like having Like a cervical orgasm If you I'm gonna say it If you had to

Compare it to something Yeah that's one of those guys Like I stub my toes Just like childbirth There's wait There's fucking cervical orgasm. I'm just saying, if you had to compare it to something. Yeah, that's one of those guys, like, I stub my toes, just like childbirth. There's, wait, there's fucking cervical orgasms? Dude, I know. What the fuck? You know what Nate and Lamar fucked me up on? Our friends were, I was talking to them, and they were saying

dudes are now reviewing their dick size, like the dildo that's their dick size and reading the reviews women leave of the dildo. Oh, I'm not coming close to that. I'm not looking at it, dude. You gotta talk about negative comments. Bro. Dude.

My brain keeps dumping it. It comes up and I'm like, I'm gonna do it. I would just get one of those little fucking tiny little buzzers. If they had a nozambic for dick size. Yeah. Oh my God. And it gave you a bunch of side effects. Side effects could be.

Side effects could be cancer. Anything. Yeah. Fire it up. Diabetes. Turning blue. Guys would just take diabetes medication. Anything. Diabetes. Guys would just take diabetes medication. Have a giant hog.

But if you only take... You have to keep taking it. It artificially inflates the size of your dick for a limited time. You have to bang it every couple of days. All day. Every couple of days you gotta bang it. It'd be so hard to not do that. Everybody would do it. If they do, boy, that's the holy grail. That's what I'm talking about man. What the fuck are they doing?

Yeah, what are they doing? They're making all this bullshit. They're talking about fucking flu vaccines. Fuck that dude. Fix my dick. Fix it. I need someone to fix this. Grow it. Because I can't. For world peace if everyone had the same size dong we might enter the age of peace I swear to God. Or it'd be a bunch of big dick kings. That might be too much. Well, in a place like China, isn't there a giant difference between the number of men versus the number of women?

Yeah. You'd think they would chill the fuck out. Why would they? Just dudes balling out. They're getting angry. Yeah. Limited supply. Oh, so there's more dudes.

Are you calling China a sausage party? They had the one child policy. It's a complete sausage fest. Right, so it's just dudes. Oh, they don't let the other, yeah, they can have girls. China's killing us in math and science. In 2023, there were around 720 million male inhabitants and 689

female inhabitants. That's a big difference. Dude, that sucks. That sucks. That sucks. Wow, there's 1.4 billion people in China. That's crazy. That's so many people. They need to knock that off. That's so many people.

What is it, 690 and 720? Is that what it was, Jamie? No, it's 720 and 690. Yeah, so that's a solid 30 million, man. That's a lot of people. We're getting conflicted reports about China. True. You think they're pumping up the numbers?

I don't know what's going on, dude. In terms of what? I don't know. Are they killing us? Are they a paper tiger? What is it? Well, the thing that scares the shit out of me is if they go into Taiwan. Yeah.

And they seem to be saying they want to go into Taiwan. Well, dude, they're going to have a population crisis in 30 years. I'm going to shut. Yeah. And they seem to be saying that they want to go into Taiwan. Well, dude, they're going to have a population crisis in 30 years. Biden will shut that down. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's been,

he's thankfully... He's on the ball. The thing I was worried about, the thing I was worried about with Trump was, you know, it was like, if Trump gets elected,

World War III will happen. And then thankfully, we avoided that, you know? And there's definitely no chance... I know my that's my opinion that's true isn't that funny though that like anti-war used to be the left dude they love it now used to be the left the left was all anti-war the left we gotta stop the wars left jimmy carter the left was yeah you know in the wars it's the it's like all right you have to be mindful of like don't microaggress a lady at a job.

And then it's like, oh, but shoot that Russian guy between his fucking eyes. It's like, what, dude? It's like, make sure you get their name right at Starbucks. I saw a tweet. Also, let's use drones to bomb Russians. I saw a tweet where someone was saying how many people that have ARs could have sent those ARs to Ukraine to fight the Russians. I saw a tweet where someone was saying how many people that have ARs could have sent those ARs to Ukraine to fight the Russians.

Definitely. Yeah. You don't need an AR. Do you know how many guns are in America compared to the world? But that was the point. They were saying, you don't need an AR. You should send those guns. Do you know what you're saying? Yeah. Do you realize what you're saying? To prevent a government invasion? Yeah. Is that what you're saying? So you need to give what you're saying? To prevent a government invasion? Yeah. Is that what you're saying?

So you need to give up your guns so that we're somewhere that is actually happening. You can get guns. Yeah, yeah. So that it can maybe happen here if no one has guns. Dude, my dad has like six AR-15s. What? He buys them. Anytime something bad happens or they're taking them away, he buys another one.

What's he going to do? They just stock them up. He needs one. Nah, dude. He's got six. Him and his boy buy one every time there's a mass shooting. He's like,, he buys another one. What's he going to do? They just stock him up. He needs one. Nah, dude, he's got six. Him and his boy buy one every time there's a mass shooting, he's like, let's get another AR. He's like, they're going to take him. So he's like, I'm trying to stock up. So yeah, fucking

whatever. This is going to be worth money. He brought a gun to my show. Yeah, I remember that. He came to my comedy, I was filming a special and he came with a gun and a knife and the security was like, bro, you can't have the hawk and the gun on you right now. Jesus Christ. He had a hawk?

Was he open carrying? Yeah, he just kind of, no, he had it concealed. Shoulder holster? He had it concealed. And then, because he was in Philly, he's all bugged out. He's like, oh. He used to like, him and his family. The dads watch Fox News and they're like, we can't go into a city.

Yeah, dude. Well, they also collect it. You'll die in any city, you'll die. They had a trash company in like the 80s too. Oh. Which was like, so, you know. Yeah. So they always had guns on them. So'll die in any city. You'll die. They had a trash company in the 80s, too. Oh. So they always had guns on them. So he just used to like- What?

People stealing trash? No, but if you have a trash yard. It was in Chester. Chester's outside of Philadelphia, and it's like a state of emergency. The murder rate's crazy. And they were there during the crack epidemic. So you had a transfer station where there's money in and out of there. So yeah, it was nonstop of coppers there, all this other stuff.

You get tackled coming in. Wow. It was nonstop of coppers there and all this other stuff. You get tackled coming in. It was fucked up. How did they find the gun? They didn't pat him down. He just said... I think they wandered him. I think so. They wandered him at helium?

Or they asked him? I don't know. They might have asked him. They don't ask anyone to come in. I'll have to ask him. I've't know. They might have asked him. They don't ask anyone to come in. Maybe they did. I'll have to ask him. Because I've seen guys before with the wands. Maybe he had the shoulder or the fucking leg holster like Clint Eastwood. With straps.

He might have had like the LeFemme Nikita. He might have screamed it. He might have been Tomb Raider. I'll have to ask him. I figured they wanted him. Maybe they just. He could have screamed it as soon as he walked in the door. I've got a fucking him. I figured they wanted him. Maybe they just could have screamed it as soon as he walked in It's kind of pumped when I heard he was rolling that strap to the show I was like fucking nice it is

It is very nice. Yeah, it's also funny how much dads are afraid of cities dude terrified They hate Fox News, God, dude. All day they watch how terrible things are in cities. That's their only... My dad won't go to Harrisburg. He's like, I'm not going over there. When you watch those migrants jump those cops and beat their ass, and then they got out of jail with no bail right away. That's trouble. That

is wild. I know, but it depends what your algorithm is. And they're Tupac-ing the camera. They Tupac-ed the camera on the way out. Yeah. I didn't see this. Yes. Apparently those guys have fled. And they got released or deported?

They got released. Oh, they're just back out. Yeah. Bro, they interviewed this one guy. I was watching this YouTube video, what's happening in these hotels. This one guy's been there for seven months, and he said they give him a nice hotel. It's a nice room. He said it's real clean.

and he said they give him a nice hotel. It's a nice room. He says it's real clean. They give him breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day and he's an illegal immigrant. Yeah. And then there's people that are poor. They're like, hey, what about my family? What about me?

What about us Americans that live here, have always been here, born and raised here, and people just sneak in and you're giving them all these things you won't give us. Why are you doing this? This is crazy. That's crazy. Is it like a vote? Are they trying to like get new voters or something? I would imagine yes. Yeah, but they're not gonna be down with it. Have you ever meet like a dude from Guatemala? They're doing it right now in New York City. In New York City, they're allowing illegal immigrants to vote.

Yeah. This is something they just- is that true? Is that absolutely true? Let's make sure because this is a big statement. But I'm pretty sure that was one of the things that they were trying to do. They were trying to make it so that these people could be documented. And this is what they keep saying. The way to deal with the undocumented people is find a pathway for them to be documented. Sure. That's how we've always done it. It's legal immigration. Now, you might think legal immigration is too restrictive. OK, but you can't just let anybody in because terrorists are a real thing. Yeah. This is not like an imaginary.

It's not like orcs. Like we know terrorists are real. And they already caught that one guy where they asked the guy like, who are you? He goes, you will know soon enough. And then they find out, okay, this guy's on a terrorist watch list and made it into America. What a dumbass. Yay. Yay.

They're not going to vote left though. These people coming from like South American stuff are going to read the issues. A lot of them will because those are the people that got them in. Those are the people that are giving them money. Those are the people that are giving them free food, free place to sleep. Wouldn't you vote for those people? Especially all you want to do is get a fucking job. And if you vote for these people, and these people are going to allow you to be documented,

you're going to be able to get a job and then continue to get social assistance, which has been pretty remarkable. Yeah. Getting money and food and a place to live. Why wouldn't you do that? Yeah, but then they'll work and they'll get on their own two feet and they're super, like, they're pretty conservative. That's when it's time to close the border.

Once you get established, you go, no one else. Well, they don't in California. In California, that was what changed California. California, when Reagan was in office, Reagan created a pathway for illegal immigrants to become legal and vote. And when he did that, the Republicans never won California again, except for Schwarzenegger. You know what's interesting?

Bah, bah. Bah, bah. You know what's interesting about how the left has turned to kind of like war hawks? Yeah. The right has kind of turned to like your statement there about, why don't we help Americans? Yeah. It's like now all of a sudden the right's like pro-welfare.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's like we should be helping our people. I know. You know? Yeah. It's just everything's kind of.

Well, people are waking up on both sides. But there's a lot of people that are left-wing people that are like, what the fuck is going on with all these wars? What are we doing? This is not something that we were supposed to be about. And, you know, there's a lot of people on the left that look at what's going on in Gaza right now, and they're freaking out. Yeah. So then there's that turmoil on the left.

Here, give me a beer. I'd like to talk about Gaza. I like the... That's a quagmire. The Gaza's a quagmire For the left Of course They're like It's funny that America's like What are we doing

In all these wars It's like bro Do you know who we are Yeah That's what we do It's all we've ever done Yeah Start to finish

Yeah It's true Day one That's how you make a place like this Here's the thing I can find This is not from this year This is from 2022 But this is the only thing I can find

Yeah Eric Adams This is it This has to do with Local elections first of all. Right. And then people with green cards and the DACA, anyone that's a DACA, which is the Dreamers. Dreamers, people who were born here, right? Parents were brought into this country illegal as children.

That's it. Not born here, rather. Dreamers. So they're allowed to remain. Yeah, that's great. That does sound nice. That's all great. here rather dreamers so they're allowed to remain yeah no it's great that's all nice that's all great but they are allowing people that are not legal residents or they're not uh legal citizens

to vote right in new york elections yeah so that's all you need to know so that's that's the beginning so that's how you win the election over and over and over in the short term that's how you control local elections in new york yeah true i mean that's it's a foolproof playbook you give people like way better treatment than you give the people, that's a foolproof playbook. You give people way better treatment than you give the people you have. That's the same thing Osho did in Wild Wild Country. They bust in all those homeless people and let them vote. Remember?

They just brought in homeless people from everywhere and said, you're going to be a part of our community. And these people are like, finally I have a place to be. And then once they vote, they're like, alright, get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. They kicked him all out again. That documentary is wild. His books are good, though.

I've read a couple of his books. They're good. He's a smart dude. No, he was genius. He really was. He was brilliant. He was a smart dude. But he was also driving.

He had 13 Bentleys and shit. That was just a lesson for us, dude. I mean, bro, you can't help yourself. That was just a lesson. You've got to get the Bentleys, dude. Why not? But he had so many of them. I will say that. Once you buy one nice car, I've just a listener. You've got to get the Bentley's. Why not? But he had so many of them. I will say that.

Once you buy one nice car, I've been on that. You want a second one? I understand that. What are you going to get? I don't know. No, I'm not going to buy another one, but I'm excited. Give yourself a fucking pickup truck, son. I'm excited for my lease to run out so I can get a new one.

Yeah, switch it up. How about a Raptor? Vehicle shame. Strikes me as an SUV guy for sure. A Raptor? You ever drive one? Yeah, but I look like sure I'm not a Raptor you ever drive one yeah but I look this is what I look like

I can't have a Raptor how about a TRX you can't play Xbox all day and then get in a Raptor yes you can dude dude gamer chairs you definitely could customized gamer chairs

in the car get a TRX we'll see what's a TRX it's a Ram that has 700 horsepower oh those things from the factory wow man those things are wild, man.

From the factory. Those things are kind of nuts. I'll show you one. I have one here. Do you really? Yeah, I'll show you. It's pretty awesome. I have a Hennessy one that has 1,000 horsepower.

What? Yeah, it's ridiculous. It's America. That is pretty sick. Remember when we were in this fucking Tesla? I don't. America. America's obviously the best.

Yeah, for real. Yeah, I remember being in that thing. You need a American. You're driving around that Nazi mobile. You need a goddamn American car. That's it right there. Look, for real. Yeah, I remember being in that thing and driving around that Nazi mobile. You need a goddamn American car. That's it right there. Look at that T-Rex. How's American cars?

Are we good at making cars now? That thing's the shit. I love that thing. I love that. I drive that all the time. I love it. Pickup will be nice, actually. They're great.

Pickup trucks get wildly expensive. Speaking of Nazi mobiles, you know? I went and saw a Nazi movie by myself. Really? Which one? Saturday night. Zone of Interest? What is that?

I don't know. It's about Auschwitz. I heard this is awesome. It's all right. Where they live next to the concentration camp? It's just an ongoing, like you're uncomfortable the whole time. But I did go see it by myself which is a weird because like the movie people i saw it at a draft house so you have like a waiter

and the whole time they're like are you shane hey what's going on i was like yeah i'm just here watching nazis alone doing exactly what you thought i'd do on a saturday night that's on brand it's very uncomfortable You watching this movie by yourself is on brand I enjoyed it but it's They're right next to a concentration camp Yeah they're at Auschwitz Oh and they're living good Yeah

Nothing happens though It's just unsettling for two hours It's a cool idea Look at the building they're in Yeah Feeling you deserve the best in life. The wildest thing that most people

don't know about the Nazis is how many we brought over here. Yeah. Operation Paperclip. Yeah. Get them in here. Isn't Venezuela

one of those countries they have a ton of Nazis? Argentina. Argentina. Yeah, yeah. They have cities in Argentina where everybody's white, everybody speaks German.

Yeah, mm-hmm. I've talked to people. Argentina's entire soccer team is white dudes. That's fucking wild. That's like, yo, bro. What do you got? I was talking to someone one time.

I guess it is far enough south that you would be white, right? Maybe. But also, there's a lot of Nazis went to Argentina. Definitely. Yeah. I mean, Tim Kennedy had that TV show, Finding Hitler. There's this conspiracy theory that Hitler moved to Argentina. What is this, Jamie?

What is it called? This is the- Oh, they were- How they escaped. The rat lines were systems of escape routes for German Nazis and other fascists fleeing Europe from 1945 onward in the aftermath of World War II. These escape routes mainly led towards havens in Latin America, particularly Argentina, but also Paraguay and Colombia, Brazil, Uruguay, Mexico, Chile, Peru, Guatemala, Ecuador, and Bolivia, as well as the United States, Canada, Australia, Spain, and Switzerland. But a lot of them in Argentina.

And the Catholic Church helped them. Yeah, they had this whole thing about it where they went to these towns. They're wearing Leerhosen starting in 1947 some US what does it say? The rat lines were supported by clergy of the Catholic Church starting in 1947 some US Citation page needed that's not true

I mean it was a humanitarian. It actually is humanitarian They loved everybody. I love Starting in 1947 some US intelligence officers utilized existing rat lines to move certain Nazi strategists and scientists. Yeah, like Werner Von Braun, the head of NASA. Yeah.

Full-on Nazi. Good. Not that he's a Nazi. Don't hang him. I know what you're saying. Let's get our fucking, let's figure out space exploration. You gotta juice a lemon. Then he'll die.

Juice a lemon. Well, they also were competing because a bunch of them went to Russia as well. You had to juice a lemon. Then he'll die. Juice a lemon. Well, they also were competing because a bunch of them went to Russia as well. Yeah. Ah, I see. So Russia had some scientists. We had some other ones. Yeah, they can't have all the good Nazis.

Not one of the ones who make missiles. You can look past a few things. You need to get a missile quicker. Yeah, true. That's true. Well, you have to. You literally have to. If these are the only guys that are making rockets.

God damn. Can you imagine if they got the bomb first? The Soviets got it? It would be rough. It would be negative. We would have invaded Mexico. The Soviet Union would be funding us right now. Funding Mexico. They made UFOs and stuff. Oh yeah. They made flying saucers. Yeah. See this is

the type of shit I don't all this stuff. It's like bro they were struggling. Well, they also had a deep connection to the occult. I know, but it's like... A lot of weird occult shit in the Nazis. Yeah, because they were going to kill themselves. It was a suicide.

I think there was also a lot of evil sentiment. They were trying to win, you know? And they were trying to... There was a lot of weird shit. I don't really know much about the Nazi occult thing, but I know it's like very well documented They're heavily into the occult it also to me. It seems a little I Don't know. It's like we attribute the most evil shit ever to them. I think they were just a really really shitty country that was Fucking everything up like I don't know. I don't think we need to add, like, they were Satanists.

Well, they were definitely into a cult. I mean, there's other countries that did horrible shit, too. Just what the Japanese did to the Chinese and the rape of Nanking. Yeah. You read about some of that stuff? Yeah. Dude.

Yeah, I think it's just surprising to hear, like, they were doing what? Horrific shit. And the science experiments they would do that give people blood transfusions from various animals, and they would cut off limbs and reattach them. Yeah, they were trying stuff. They were trying shit out on prisoners.

They were trying to figure it out. No, there's a lot of scientific and medical innovation that came out of that, unfortunately. Really? Yeah. Yeah, what medical innovation came out of the Nazi experiments? I think they learned some things, unfortunately. What is it?

Simons? What's the company? Bayern? Bayer? Bayer's out there. Bayer did it. Yeah, that's right. Bayer was getting rowdy.

Yeah. They tried some medication out on like 150 people. Wasn't it something like that? And they all died. Joseph Mengel was the guy. Mengel was doing all the time. He is yeah, he was like science you love twins Twins Yeah, it'd be like if I fucking cut this twins head off. How are you feeling?

Dude they didn't even know about germs that was the there was the one guy who like blew the whistle on I forget the guy's Name they were Germans of course it Nazis knew about germs, but the guy who like discovered them there was a Hospital attached to where they delivered they were like a morgue and then they had where they're delivering babies So they would like put down a dead body and then just catch a baby out of a woman's vagina and like Women were all dying and he was telling the doctors like you guys got a wash There's something on those dead bodies. that's getting into women's like vaginas they're all like dude we're doctors our hands are clean we're gentlemen and then they the guy

eventually like went nuts and then like a few years later like oh fuck he was right because he was washing his hands and mortality rate went down yeah who was that fuck i forget his name that was way before world war ii way way way before way before. Well, in World War I, Fritz Haber figured out how to make gas to kill people with gas. And he's the same guy who figured out how to pull nitrogen out of the air. What? So at the same time, this guy is being wanted for war crimes. At the same time, he's being nominated for the Nobel Prize. What?

Yeah. For being, for pulling. Yeah, well, the Nobels are all weird, too. They were like dynamite makers and stuff. Because the guy, who told, Peter Berg told me about that. So the guy died, and they thought he died. There was a fake story about him dying. And they called him like the merchant of death.

And he's like, oh, jeez, I got to change my reputation. So he started giving out prizes. Oh, nice. That's what he did. The Nobel Prize comes from that. He hugged Finn at his funeral. And they were like, this guy is a fucking asshole.

Nuh-uh. He's like, I'm pretty nice. And he started that whole thing up. That's crazy. Started the Nobel Prize trying to cover his tracks. True, yeah.

Kind of worked. Everyone's like, he must be the nicest, smartest scientist ever. Nobody even knows about the whole dynamite thing anymore. No, nobody does. It never gets brought up.

It's like, oh, the Nobel Prize. How prestigious. Did you ever get into the guy who invented diesel no there's a book about him his shits wild what did he do his name it was like Rudolph diesel he came up with the diesel engine and it was like apparently it helped he wanted to like make a small reliable engine so like people in rural areas could compete with like cities and people could live in a farm and still like produce stuff and not have to like live in like fucked up london smoggy city and governments were like yeah we're building fucking weapons of death of these things and like it turned out to be like it was a wild

invention like no other nothing could burn stuff as um efficiently before like it would it would capture like 25 of the fuel diesel was 70% capture in terms of like output. And it was just, it was completely revolutionary. And it was just found drowned. Oh, they killed him. Oh yeah. It was like the kid, Wilhelm, I think was after him. He made all these governments.

Damn, 1913. Just in time. The Rockefellers as well. Just in time for the worst thing ever. He disappeared from the steamship Dresden while traveling from Antwerp, Belgium to Harwich, England. On October 10, a Belgian sailor aboard a North Sea steamer spotted a body floating in the water. Upon further investigation, it turned out the body was Diesel's.

There was and remains a great deal of mystery surrounding his death. It was officially judged a suicide, but many people believed and still believe that Diesel was murdered. Duh. He had the Rockefellers after him, too, because they didn't want to... I looked at it and go, oh, it's the History Channel. It's got to be legit.

Then I realized that's Ancient Aliens. The History Channel is basically the Ancient Aliens network now. They sold out. Dude, I believe that. I believe that.

We're done with facts. We're done with facts. Isn't history finding Bigfoot? Yeah. Probably. Ancient Aliens had me for a while.

Ancient Aliens had me. That network. It's a fun show to watch. It's constantly on. Remember, what's his fucking name? Action Bronson. He would get baked.

Dude, that was so incredible. That show was incredible. Getting baked watching Ancient Aliens. That was a really great show. That was for real like a genius idea. Brilliant idea. That's actually not. I thought it was.

No, of course it is. It is, but I'm saying. It's pretty simple. It's like, we should film this. They were definitely getting high watching Ancient Aliens. Yeah. Which is just so funny. And they're like, set course it is. It is, but I'm saying it's pretty simple. We should film this. They were definitely getting high watching Ancient Aliens. Yeah, at first. So funny. They were like, set up a camera.

This is incredible. It's just such a good idea because it requires nothing. They would just walk around high. Yeah, they would fuck around. All Ancient Aliens. And it's hilarious. It's one of the better shows. Solid show.

Should have won an Emmy. It should have. Fucking criminals. True. Bet it wasn't even nominated. True. Oh, you had Bronson on this. Yeah, a couple times. Yeah, he's awesome.

I love that dude. I lived in Queens. I wanted to see him. He's a great guy. Turns out Queens is big and you don't see everyone. That guy fucking, you know, he turned his whole life around. Had a kid and realized, I'm fat. I gotta get in shape. And now he's like super stout. He works out hard, man. He works out hard.

He Paul Wald? Paul Wald did the same thing. Oh, he used to be big, right? Yeah, he got like super stout. Paul Wald. Works out hard, man. He works out hard. Paul Wald? Paul Wald did the same thing. He used to be big, right? Yeah, he got in shape as well. Yeah. Turned his life around. You ever thought about rocking a grill, Matt? Oh, dude.

You've been talking about this. You've been talking about this. I think we get grills to protect our parks. I think obviously that's the move, dude. It'd be so hard to take him out. It'd be really hard to talk. I'd never take him out. Should we just fuck like this?

I wanted to learn how to talk. Hey, this thing is good. God, Lee. You ever heard guys with grills talk? It's a rough one. Paul Wall knows how to do it, but he's had a grill in his mouth for 30 years. Yeah, the whole life, yeah. I want to get the fangs.

I want to get the riff-raff fang. It's kind of classy, bro. If you don't pig out on the grill. Come on. Like that? Look at that. Come on, son. That is nice, man.

It's crazy how much he looks like Mike Rainey. I need to call Johnny Dang. Yeah, I wanted to play Tim Fool. That dude is always smiling. If he's crazy how much he looks like Mike Rainey. You need to call Johnny Dang. Yeah, I wanted to play tinfoil. That dude is always smiling. If he's depressed, I will be so sad because he's always smiling. He's got to show you that grill. Look at that. He's got to show you what to do.

Come on, son. What to do, baby. Yeah, pow wow. Pow wow. Southern rap rules. So fucking tight, dude. Yeah. He still raps, too, apparently.

Oh, yeah. He pulls it off. I think he's with Mexican OT and the guy we listened to on the way over here really the plug Big X the plug the plug shit rocks Joe you'd like that do you think you'd wear a grill I would I swear to god I will now obviously I'm not gonna wear it anywhere other than here light would have an issue with you rocking a grill maybe I might get a phone call and they go, hey. This is not on brand. No, they got fucking Post Malone. I can kind of do anything.

Oh, that's right. They got Post Malone. They're going to let you. That's what I always think. I'm like, man, maybe I shouldn't do this. I'm like, yeah, they got Post Malone. Yeah. You can do whatever you want.

Yeah. That's why they want you. Yeah. Wow card. Say, guys, let me fucking work. I'm going to do what I do I'm gonna talk about Nazis They go please don't

That was my favorite part of the They're a German company I know The Budweiser tour We're in there and they're like Showing the labels from every year In the United States And then 1930 came around

And it was like Perfect English Budweiser It used to be like German like Yeah yeah Yeah 1933 they're like Budweiser American Budweiser the beer American and as our Bush owned the rights to all the diesel engines in America but those are good Americans really yeah let's go dude yeah the guy what is it fucking not a officeolphus Bush, whatever the OG.

Adolphus Bush. Adolphus Bush went over. Adolphus, by the way. Adolphus, exactly. Let's go. Full name. Super American. No, that's a good American story.

He went over. He met the diesel guy. How dare you, dude. That's a great American story. He would rent hotels and just rent the whole thing out and just hand everyone like $10, $10, $10. Met up with diesel and was like, how much do you want for the rights to this engine? Diesel's, people were trying, it was like 800,000 francs.

He looked at Bush and was like, 2 million francs. And he was like, no problem, player. Wrote him the check. And he used to break, he would write him letters. It took forever. Bush might be the guy. It took forever to like, it didn't work right away. He was like, all these guys fronted him a ton of money,

and it just wasn't working. So he'd get mad letters from people being like, what is this? And Bush would break his balls. He'd send him letters and be like, dude, come on, man. What the fuck? Just like fucking with him. So funny.

He was the bro. That reminds me of Ulysses S. Grant when he was selling his biography. I think he sold it to just two guys on a train for like 10 bucks. Really? And Mark Twain found out about it. It was like, no, you fucking loser. Yeah. Obviously, Grant was hitting the fucking Budweiser.

He was hitting the Stogies and fucking liquor. He was drinking responsibly. He was extremely responsible. That's one of his legends. I think he sold his biography on a train for like 10 bucks while he was responsible. I mean, it's got to be pumped. It was his first book. Anyone gives you anything that you write, you're like, really?

I swear to God it was Mark Twain that was like, no. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing? You saved America. Why are you doing this? Has anybody started taking down Ulysses as Grant statues yet they fucking better no way I mean he was the bro his story he was good right they've taken down Thomas Jefferson Jefferson was yeah he was up to no good he had him yeah Ulysses did them. Ulysses owned slaves.

No, no. Hold on. Oh, yeah, but he- While he was dead broke at the lowest point of his life, he freed his slaves. And even his slaves were like, bro, you should- Yeah. What are you doing? Yeah, yeah.

You could sell us. And he was like, nah, bro. Nah, bros. Actually, there's no way they said that. But they were like, thank you. Yeah. So he freed them when he was poor while he was poor he gave away his slave he he came from a family that was

abolitionist and then he married into a family that had slaves whoa yeah and then he he would go out and like work with his slave like and people would like see him be like what the fuck are you doing i don't know he was kind of weirdo. But he freed his slaves while he was poor. Imagine living in a time where it was debatable whether or not it's cool to have slaves. Bro. And some people are like, no, they like it. Yeah, I mean, dude.

Yeah. The Century Company was willing to give Grant 10% of all sales after the book was finished. When Twain heard about the offer, he was appalled at how little money Grant would get from the sales of the book. He believed he could offer Grant a better deal. Twain wasted little time making his way to New York City to convince Grant that he could give him a better deal. When Twain arrived at his home on 66th Street, Grant and his eldest son, Frederick T.

Grant, were reading over the Century Company's contract that needed to be signed before publication. Grant was ready to pick up his pen and sign the contract when Twain asked if he could read it before any signature was made. Twain reviewed the contract and believed the 10% royalty being offered was too low and even exploitative. Twain tried to convince Grant that he could give him a better deal, which would provide Grant with more money. Grant was reluctant to back out of the contract that he and the publishers had negotiated.

He believed it would be dishonorable to back out after giving his word. Damn. Twain tried to convince Grant that he should investigate a different publisher. For example, American Publishing Company had published many of Twain's books, and the company be able to bring in more profit than the Century Company. Grant was still resistant to the advice when Fred suggested that the contract be set aside while they investigated the facts behind Twain's advice. Grant felt loyalty towards the Century Company because of the work that he had done with the company

while he was writing his articles on the Civil War battles. Grant did agree, however, to listen to Fred, and the contract was set aside for 24 hours. Huh. Interesting. Twain told Grant that by selling the book through a subscription system, the book would produce thousands of dollars in sales. Door-to-door salesmen, often Civil War veterans, would promote the book and get potential readers to place an order prior to publication. Oh, wow.

Back in the day, that was like the new mixtape. It saved Grant. Grant was poor, and then all those sales made him rich. But he died right away. Yeah, those dudes used to speak, too. Right after he wrote. Oh, really? Probably celebrated with booze.

No, no. It was the Stogies, dude. Oh, was it? He was always smoking a cigar. He died, yeah. Cancer? Yeah. He was smoking like 50.

Well, how much was it a day? He was crushing Stogies. It was like 50 a day, dude. 50? Something like that. Like 25. Definitely. Yeah, it's a crazy number.

Sounds like Ron White. Really? Puts them down? Puts them down. Puts down those cigarillos puts them down puts those little cigarillos down oh yeah he gets you hooked

on those things those cigarillos they're so easy do you inhale those like cigarettes or like cigars really you can

remember Beatys Beatys Beatys were a little thing when we were younger they sold them in like gas stations and like they were like I don't know

they were like cigarettes but they looked like cigarettes but they were smaller and they were the harshest fucking things in the world. I got black and milds for a while.

Black and milds with tights. Wine, wood tip, black and milds. I was inhaling the fuck out of those. I got so sick. There it is. Yeah, little beaties.

Bro. Those things are crazy. Get some of those in the woods when you were 10, dude. So where are they from? Where's that? I don't know.

Maybe like in India and that kind of thing. Looks like India. Yeah. All right. Yeah, you and your bros, you're like 10, 12 years old in the woods with some beaties, dude. It was nice. Health risks and how to quit.

They're not a safer alternative to traditional cigarettes. Duh. Yeah, no. Asia. Cigarette made of tobacco. You can smoke these, though though as a little cigar Oh that's kind of nice if you want a little That's what I like them for That's enough to sit down on a cigar for half an hour

Yeah you're not at a wedding Where you have to pretend to like cigars Yeah God damn I'm missing the whole wedding It's 45 minutes Shouts on I gotta get in there Can't smoke a cigar with my uncles These guys stink You go, God damn, I'm missing the whole wedding. It's 45 minutes. Shouts on. I got to get in there. Can't smoke a cigar with my uncles.

These guys stink. Smoking bats. Yeah, we went down and we smoked a couple bats. Smoked a couple of bats, boys. Sober guys love smoking bats. Oh, they do. Because it's the one rush they can get. Yeah. True.

They can handle this. I love smoking a stogie like a man. It's like, nah. Big cup of coffee. Desperate to get fucked up. I get it. Trying. True. They can handle this. I love smoking a stogie like a man. It's like, nah. Big cup of coffee. Desperate to get fucked up. I get it. Trying. Anything.

Take a Xanax, dude. No, don't do it. I don't know. Those things are terrible, dude. Those things are awful. Yeah. Do you ever hear about the new snake venom thing people are doing where you're like, it's called like, Cambu, where you go and they give, I don't know if it's like you ingest

a snake venom and like your eyes puff up and you start throwing up and shitting everywhere. So it's fun. You don't get high from it at all. You just get violently sick. But afterwards, apparently, you just feel like totally cleaned out or I don't know what it is.

Yeah, once you're not sick. No, I swear to God. They say like it kills yeast, like candida stuff in your body. Who says that? Heavy metals. Who says that? My brother, I don't know.

Swim? Sw know. Swim? Swim? There's, in certain cultures that don't have psychedelics, the rites of passage oftentimes are what's called an ordeal poison. Oh, yeah. Ordeal poison is like something you go through. It's like some horrific thing that poisons you, and then when you're over, you're like, thank God that's over.

You feel good because you just had a near-death experience. That makes sense, actually. Yeah. It tricks your brain into. That makes sense, actually. Yeah. It tricks your brain into thinking you're dying, probably. You probably release all these amazing chemicals. That's a good point. Make you realize you should have been a better person. I could have been so much nicer.

Shit. I'll tell you what. I didn't like, I tried an LSD microdose recently. I like the psilocybin better, man. LSD microdose just is relentless it doesn't use it's constant oh it's for like six straight hours you feel like like liquidy it's weird I don't know it was it wasn't awful but I remember being like this is just never gonna fucking hurry up and make all that

stuff legal they got a man shit stop half buying it from people making it in bathtubs the I know that t-shirt on. Oh, yeah. Every time. It's so sketchy. I got this straight from the family, bro. I was telling Matt. I had some bathtub fucking mushrooms yesterday. Dude, yesterday. They were bad?

No, I've never had mushrooms. So it was like a chocolate bar. It was like, all right. They were like four blocks is a gram. Okay. So I was like, all right. I'll have one fucking block. I'm fine.

I was high in 15 minutes it was that fast dude they had these analogs that's not mushrooms they have synthetics they're making now well it's just they're not making them in the same places where they make aspirin yeah that's true yeah knows who the fuck is making these things that's what i'm saying dude and even with the weed edibles dude they get they can get gummies and get a distillate of like a synthetic cannabinoids and You're just eating like k2 or something. Well, you're definitely They're not regular like like you get a 200 milligram once and it's fine And you get a 200 milligram and you're on Pluto like this is not the same

I would like and I don't think anybody's doing independent third-party testing of weed gummies No, no, the third-party testing of weed gummies no not no the third-party testing is watching the other guy first yeah who just ate him there you go all right he's fine you've never seen anybody eat gummies like joey diaz i had i was with him on a plane once he had a panic attack in the middle of flight he told me he had a panic attack in the middle of flight he goes but now i'm back and he pops two more 250 milligrams milligrams each. Two stars of death. How does, how? He just does it.

He likes being scared. It's fun. When you're around him and you're scared too, it's fun. That is kind of fun. Really? Yeah, it's fun. You guys, both you guys like being scared. No, the best is when the weed edible, when it breaks, it's the best fucking feeling.

Yeah, but it's like. Yeah, but that's, what's the point of that? The release. When you're just back to how you were earlier? Yeah, but it's like Yeah, but what's the point of that? The release. When you're just back to how you were earlier? Yeah, because it's like mundane reality. You're like, mm-hmm. You eat weed edibles and you're like, ah! And then you get the release and you're like, thank God. Yeah, you're back. Finally grateful for once in my pathetic

shitty life. Yeah, it's a little reality check. Yeah, but it's, I understand. It makes you really thankful that you're alive. I understand that, but people are, like, I'm not, like, they're smoking weed at, like, parties. Oh, yeah. For sure.

I don't want to have that experience while I'm in public. Oh. Right. And then come back, like, during the party, like. Just hang in there, Shane. You'll be fine. I get high a lot. You do.

I get high a lot. Just snipe. You get high all the time. My thing is, you can unleash a different part of your mind where you go, like, yeah, but what if I didn't give in to this weird thought loop? And then you don't give in to it for three seconds. God, fuck, I give up. So last night we left the comedy club, went, we were out at a bar.

I was like, I can't believe how strong that mushroom was. Yeah. I was like, I'm hungry. I haven't eaten all day. I went, I ate a gyro in the cold by myself by a windy bench. Just like, oh. I literally got up from the table while we were all drinking. And I was like, I got to go outside.

I left for 45 minutes. And then I came back. I fought it. I was like, while I was eating the gyro, I was like, I got to stop. Why am I being a pussy right now? I'm going to plow through this. That's another fucking flu choice. I'm going to drink my way out of this.

There you go. There you go. Adolphus was like, yes, Shane. Adolphus was like, no, don't let the mushrooms consume you. Power through it. I was like, all right, Adolphus. Gyro's a solid choice. That is a great. It was big, all right, Rodolfo. Euro is a solid choice. That is a great.

It was big. Also, it was very funny. So I left the bar and I was like, I was high on mushrooms enough to be like, how do I get food?

And then I was like, man, that's so pathetic. I'm in a city and I'm like, food. How do you find food? And then there was

a flashing Euro light on it. It was one of those street vendors and I was like oh that's what those lights are for is for dumb asses that are like food food like a flashing light that just said yeah I was like

it's a bug light for a guy like me it's like it's a bug light it is a bug light it's a total bug light I went and got zapped dude I was eating it was cold as fucking windy last night and then I was like it also sucks now people know who I am a little so like I went and got zapped, dude. It was cold as fucking windy last night. And then I was like, it also sucks now people know who I am a little.

So, like, the next guy was like looking at me. I'm in the cold by myself. Bro, this is a reoccurring theme. People at the movie theater see you by yourself. That was rough. Yeah, I like being by myself. But when someone sees me. Now you're getting famous.

You realize that's a bit of an issue, right? Yeah, it's uncomfortable. I don't like it at all. Yeah. Go in disguise. I hate it. You know how hard it is for me to disguise? Dude, people can see me from my lurched over walk.

Sitting on a bench by myself eating a sandwich. That mustache. That mustache is back. So nice. Well, mushrooms now, people are really getting into the genetics of them. They're ramping the strength of those things up. Well, there's some different strains. Yeah, dude. Insane.

Pan-Cyans and all that shit. They're fucking wild, man. And now it could be like, you can eat a gram of mushrooms. It could be a regular gram of mushrooms or it can be eight times stronger. Mm-hmm. So it's like. Well, this town is filled with those psychedelic adventure characters.

Yeah. There's a lot of those here. I got hit, literally, last night. Yeah, there's a lot of those here. I thought that was gonna be an easy, nice evening. There's synthetics, too, now.

So, like, if you're running, like, a giant op where you're selling all the, like, your grow might get fucked up, you can order a chemical offline. Totally legal. You can order those offline. All you gotta do is say,

research purposes, yes. And you can get this powder that's similar to mushrooms. You can just put that into chocolates. That's what I'm saying. The people who make these things... Is it psilocybin? It's a psilocybin analogs maybe, so it's close. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

You can put that in your stuff that you're selling? I'm sure you could. Oh, God. How dirty. You gotta think about it. That's the problem with it being illegal. Exactly. Right? You're not buying it from Budweiser. Anheuser-Busch sold their own mushrooms.

Mushroom light. Let's go. Bro. Bro. Anheuser-Busch. Come on now. A mushroom light. Brother.

You know? How good would it be? We would be Vikings, dude. We would be kings. Nothing could stop us. Maybe it would change the whole culture of the country. It totally would. Can you imagine if people just like ubiquitous mushroom use across the entire world?

There'd be a lot to figure out. There'd be a lot of mistakes. Where's food? It wouldn't be smooth. It would take a long time. Where's food is number one. Food. People would make some dope food on mushrooms.

I bet the pizza you make on mushrooms. You're not even that hungry when you're on mushrooms. You out there in your backyard with your pizza oven, with your fucking ladle, on mushrooms, laying down the basil. The dough would be impossible. You'd buy it. You'd buy it. You'd buy it made. You'd buy the dough.

Yeah, you'd buy the whole thing. You'd buy DiGiorno. You'd take mushrooms, and then you'd buy the whole thing. And you'd make La Mer make it. Hold on. You want to know the best part about how La Mer makes DiGiorno? How? He doesn't time it.

He's like, we're about three YouTube videos away. He was high as shit sitting behind me like, how long is this YouTube video? We're about two more YouTube videos away from the DiGiorno. He's going off the smell probably. He can go off the smell. The smell was strong. And I was like, are you sure? This is our one DiGiorno in the house.

If this fucks up, we're fucked. Oh my god. Jamie, what is the best frozen pizza? There's gotta be like a fucking Mercedes of frozen pizzas. What is it? You can get some local ones in the cities you're at because they'll make

take and bake. There's like mom's bake at home pizza. That's a big change. But a local one is the move That's the move You get like Just the actual pizza Oh yeah They serve you

They do deep dish yeah Chicago does like deep dish All those places That's the move Take home That's a fucking move You're actually making a real pizza The last

Yeah again You don't need You don't need pizza in your house That's true Why Because you're gonna eat it You're gonna eat it day one You're gonna crush

Bro one night we went over Rapolo's next to the club We got like fucking ten giant pizzas the big giant ones and just gave them to everybody at the bar. Pizza rocks dude Oh so fast. I knew I was eating garbage. I knew it was terrible for me. I loved every second of it Yeah, and I powered through I was fine. Yeah, I mean I know it's not good for me, but it's good for me It's good for the soul occasionally. good for me yeah good for the soul occasionally let loose yeah good for the soul yeah yeah 80-20 rule bro 20% junk 80% clean yeah but absolutely you need some bullshit carbs in your life yeah it's like the snake venom dude so yeah whatever they call that thing every now and then you want some bullshit carbs in your life

you want a fucking big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs. Yes. Just give it to me. Give me, give me, give me. I get to get pulled off. Homemade spaghetti, I get to pull it off the pot. I'll put myself in a coma. I can't stop going back.

With a good Sunday sauce. You know, when they fucking got that sauce cooking all day, just bubbling up on the stove. And the smells, and it's all the oils are on the top. You got to stir it, and you see the sausage in there, and the barjol, and meatballs. Oh, baby. I never, never. Baby. My mom cooks like a fucking moron.

We were jarred sauce. Yeah. We were jarred sauce. Yeah, we were jarred sauce. We got nothing. My grandmother made everything from scratch. The sauce, the pasta. She'd be on the kitchen table with the flour and the rolling pin. My grandma was mean. Mine wasn't nice either.

She didn't cook anything. Irish houses are canned sauce. Irish houses are, yeah. Smooth canned sauce. That's that Spaghetti's cooked in five seconds And then you just ground beef You get wet lasagna

The lasagna's soaking wet The last piece is in a puddle It falls apart Yeah You go what is this Our meatballs My mom would just take Hamburger meat

You're supposed to put like veal pork It was just a burger And then she would put Bread crumbs in it too She was like that's how My dad liked them So she would just cram Like a fucking. I was like, that's how my dad liked them. So she would just cram like a fucking baseball sized burger.

That's good though. That's good dude. Drop it in a canned sauce and we were like, yes, this shit rules. I know I've been talking about it a lot with you.

Hamburger helper. Bro. Hamburger help was delicious. Yeah. It's so good. Fucking delicious. I gotta have hamburger helpers soon. It's very good.

Maybe tonight. Maybe me and Lamezy will. Bro, have you drunk a solid chili? Like a real chili? Yeah, chili. Oh, like a real one. Oh, man.

And by the way, I like beans. Beans rule. Chili with beans is a good move. What are you shaking your head at, Jamie? Over here, they say chili doesn't have beans. You know what? I'll eat them in chili. I don't fuck with beans either, but in chili, I'll eat them.

The texture, they're like powdery. Beans rule. With fucking peppers and the tomatoes in there. Chili, I'll eat them in chili texture, they're like powdery. I love beans. With fucking peppers and the tomatoes in there. Chili, I'll eat them in chili. I like them in chili. I like them in chili, but... A solid chili? Like baked beans? Fuck no, dude. Oh my god, dude, I lived

off Justin. I remember. I was eating baked beans as my only meal for several years. You were eating like the Dennis the Menace bad guy, dude. Probably, but with barbecue, like little baked beans with barbecue on it. I don't fuckace bad guy, dude. Probably. With barbecue? Like little baked beans with barbecue? I don't fuck with beans either, man. God. Only in chili or in soup.

I don't like beans at a Mexican place. Matt, this is crap what you're saying. It's true. I don't like the powdery texture. It's a nice texture. I've tried it. What do you like? Something more smooth and viscous?

Viscous. Ew. Salty. I know what you like. Like clams and stuff. Yeah. Nut. Salty. I know what you like. Like clams and stuff. Yeah. Nut. Oysters.

I love eating nut. Yeah, I bet nut. If I was into it, I bet nut's fucking good. Probably. If you're really interested in it. Yeah, especially if you get into it. You know, different years, different types of dudes. If I had one pasta, it would be linguine with white clam sauce.

That's a good one. Done well. Yeah. When it's done really well. Oh, my white clam sauce. That's a good one. Done well. Yeah. When it's done really well. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's going to be fucking good. Oh, it's good.

The clams. You know, the olive oil. Italian food is so good. The Waps do that right. They do. They do a lot right. They do a lot. They make cars good.

They look good. They don't run good. They look good. They break a lot. True. They look good. True. They're good at paintings, good at sculptures, good at food. They're not good at handling a wave they look good they're true they're good at paintings good

at sculptures not good at handling a wave of an upper respiratory infection though yeah they did fucking crush they scared the fuck out of the whole world too yeah everybody's like oh my god that's coming to us wasn't they're all in their apartments singing out the windows they got fucking yelling at people to go outside yeah they were the first to lock people down, too. Yeah. They were like, what the fuck is going on here? Well, they said it was in the fashion week. I think they had the people come in from China and stuff in the fashion week. You got an entire population that never has seen a vitamin. Yeah.

They're drinking wine every day. They all smoke cigarettes. They're eating nothing but lasagna. They're eating pasta. By the way, they're a lot thinner than us, though. That's what's crazy. There's such carb-heavy food over there and they look great. Yeah, but they don't munch like us.

Even in Spain. I was in Spain. Everything you eat is Mediterranean food. Portions and shit, yeah. Yeah, they take it easy. I was over there. What do you think it is? You think we're just gluttons? Is that what a lot of it is? Maybe. On this guy that's Tucker Carlson thing? they were saying, this scientist that he had on, or this guy that he had on that used to work for the pharmacy,

was saying that 10% of all food stamps, the number one thing that people buy with food stamps is soda. Yeah, it's not a good fact. Well, soda is so good. It's so good. I really don't drink it ever. I don't either, but an ice cold Coca-Cola on ice? Like a real Coke. Burger, fries, Coke. It's so good. I really don't drink it ever. I don't either, but an ice cold Coca-Cola on ice, like a real Coke. Burger fries, Coke. It's crazy.

A real Coke. Root beer. Not a Diet Coke. I love Diet Coke just for the flavor, but I feel fine when I drink a Diet Coke. It never makes me feel weird. When I drink a Coke, my body's like, what are you doing? Dude, there's a lot of people who for real don't understand how sugar works at all.

Like I used to work with guys that would put 12 sugars in their coffee. And then I'd be like, dude, you're going to get diabetes. And they're like, it runs in my family. If I'm going to get it, I'm going to get it. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. There's two types of it, bro. I'm like, you're going to get it. You're going to have that.

If you put 12 sugars every day in your coffee, he's like, bro, if it comes from me, it comes from me. I'm like, no, man. Well, that was one of the number one reasons why people died of COVID. Findings show that number one purchased by snap households are soft drinks, which accounted for 5% of the dollars they spent on food. Wow. Okay, so this guy was saying it was 10%. But apparently this is saying that it's 5%.

It might have changed. But people drink a lot of fucking soda. This is 2016. It said that down there. 2017. is saying that it's 5%. It might have changed. But people drink a lot of fucking soda. This is 2016. It said that down there. 2017. I mean, I'm sure it's more. Look, it's so goddamn addictive.

I get it, though. If you're on food stamps, let it ride, bro. Yeah. Why would I drink water right now? Because you want to get out of there. You don't want to be on food stamps forever. Drink water. It's cheaper. You know a good way to get on food stamps?

Eat food, but get a job. No. What? Ascend to the next life. Yeah. Oh, that's it? That's the only way? No.

Jesus. I was on food stamps when I was a kid. Crush soda. Call it a day. Do you ever see when guys carry around a personal two liter? Jesus. Yeah, that's a wild move I've seen dudes do. That's a crazy commitment to bad health.

Yeah, you hold it around, walk around. Just carrying a jug of sugar water. To be fair, it's also the top purchase of non-snap households also. Oh, yeah, I'm sure. Oh, there you are. Milk is number one? No, soft drinks. Snap households, so it's more

with the people that are on food stamps than it is with people who aren't, which is interesting. Oh. Quite a bit more. 4% to 5%. Yeah. Yeah.

More than 5%. I think your soda's taking a hard hit, too, because a lot of people are just off it. I don't think so. Really? I think it's fucking, it's fine. Yeah, I mean, it's- People love it. People love it.

People love it. They can't help it. They lie. They lie. They say they don't drink it. True. They drink it all day long. I, I mean, it's- People love it. People love it. People love it. They can't help it. They lie. They lie. They say they don't drink it. True. Drinking it all day long. I don't fucking touch it.

I don't drink soda at all now. I drink Diet Coke. I drink Diet Coke and Diet Dr. Pepper. I'll drink those. But you know what I really like is Zevia's. Zevia's are a guilt-free Coke. Guilt-free soda, rather. What's it made with?

Zevia's, it's sweetened with stevia. That's the only artificial sweetener I can have. All the other ones I'm like- Dude, it's fucking good. They make a cream soda. It's the only artificial sweetener I can have. All the other ones I'm like... Dude, it's fucking good. They make a cream soda. It's fucking great. They make a root beer. It's fucking great.

A grape soda. It's great. Zevia's great. It's really good. And it's basically guilt-free. It's just carbonated water with some stevia in it and some funky flavors. It's not bad.

What does Zevia use for their flavors? I drink it all the time, dude. I'm addicted to it. No! Don't say that. Son of a bitch. The secret ingredient is cancer. Doesn't Diet Coke fuck you up, though?

I'm sure it does if you're a pussy. I don't know. Trump dog. Donald Trump. Trump dog's crushing 40 a day. He's going to be a president. He's going to be 90. It's true.

When he's 80, you don't tell him to stop drinking Diet Coke. You say, ride that fucking boat right into the rocks. Yeah, it's so tight. Damn, five Diet Cokes a day. I like that that's the argument against Biden. To me, obviously, there's no argument Trump's more cognitive than Joe Biden. Yes, of course. But it's not like he's no spring chicken.

He's going to be fucking gazed up himself. No, if the Republicans wanted the best spokesman It's Vivek. Yeah, dude. That guy's an animal smooth. Did I was just praising him on the way here? I've been watching on The Breakfast Club. He's so good He's so composed and he's only 38 which is what you want. You want someone to access a future 38 You don't want anybody to go I'm gonna leave my mark bang. Yeah, you don't want that I like him man the more I watch of him You don't want that. I like him, man. The more I watch of him, the more I like him. I like him a lot.

I like Bobby, dude. I like Bobby's my top choice, but Vivek is. Vivek says a lot of very reasonable shit. He does. You hear his thing on abortion? What'd he say? If you're a man and you procreate with a woman, you're responsible financially for that baby and that woman.

His thing is to expand child support to the woman and the baby. That would change a lot. For 18 years. And he was like, I think that brings both... Wait. What? He was saying,

if you get a lady pregnant... You got to pay for both of them? Oh, yeah. Because he was like, the woman has to bear the biological burden of the baby. Hold on a second. What about how women are equal?

Yeah, but Vake's not... Hold on a second. Vake's not dealing with that. But it's not an equal job. There's not an equal responsibility. Fellas. It's not an equal job. But it's not an equal job. There's not an equal responsibility. It's not an equal job. No, I like that. You guys want to play double child support?

Is that what you guys are arguing for? Yeah, I think you should. Well, listen, child support. Why? It's up to the woman's discretion how she spends it anyway, right? Yeah. I mean, she doesn't have to document that it's only being spent on the child. Oh, no.

They can do whatever they want. But yeah. Spend on their new goddamn boyfriend. A woman raising a child. Yeah, you could have paid for her and But yeah, a woman raising a child. Yeah, you could have paid for her and the child and she's got a new boyfriend. Well, you'll think twice. I would punch Vivek in the fucking mouth, dude. You'll think twice for nothing in these hoes.

I'm not thinking about Vivek when I'm nothing in these hoes, dude. It's Vivek. My bad. It's not Vivek. What? Vivek. Like cake. Vivek?

Vivek rhymes with cake. Oh, nice. Yeah, it took me a while, too. I know. I didn't know. It was Vivek. Try Ramaswami. Try that one. Ramas a Swami who I want a Hindu president so bad too he would be dope I want to do that everyone's against Hindu presidents I'm like dude we need to get some some wild shit about like getting rid of the

CIA and get rid of the up die like pro yeah he's gonna put you in a convertible Yeah, he's going to put you in a convertible and take you to Dallas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't give a fuck. He's like, shouldn't we have a roof here? Shouldn't the car have a roof? Nah, just kidding. What are all those men doing in the grassy knoll? Ah, guys lifting up an umbrella.

That's weird. Yeah, I like him, man. Ah, fuck. I mean, dude, I think the future's bright. I think we'll get some... Oh, you're so... That's nice to hear. That's so optimistic. Well, you think the future's bright. I think we'll get some... Oh, you're so... That's so optimistic.

Well, you can't bullshit really anymore. People are going to start expecting, like, if you're a president in 10 years from now, at least, if you're not sitting down for a three-hour long form, people are going to be like, fuck this guy. That's like a Shamwell guy. It's like, dude, you can't just do infomercials. That is true. That is true. If they can sit and chop it up, Bobby Kennedy can sit and chop it up.

Yeah. It's going to start being like, I'm good. They get mad at Bobby Kennedy. I love that guy. Where are they mad at? Well, it's always vaccines. It's not that unreasonable. There's an adjutant in them to evoke an immune response. Adjutant.

Evoke. Yeah. Yeah. And it used to be mercury and sometimes it's aluminum. I'm sick of the fucking agitant It's uh, it's a real thing and it's it's wild how many people are not willing to even look at it as a possibility It's religious cause a problem with some yeah It became it's a religious thing because if you're a full scientist like your religious worldview is that we're one day going to conquer the mysteries of our existence via like

Technological progress. Yeah vaccines are a big part of that. So if you're like, they're definitely good, but maybe they're kind of fucking us up. It's like blasphemy. It's like most things. They absolutely do work. Yeah. They absolutely do work in a lot of ways.

Dude, you can die from Tylenol. If I took too many Tylenols, my liver will shut down. Well, it's also different people have different responses. I can eat Brazil nuts all day long. You give them to some people, they drop dead. Exactly. Yeah, I can take a Zempic And my fucking pussy will fall off Yeah your pussy rots out

Your charred pussy Satan pussy Whoa imagine if you're religious And your fucking Your pussy starts showing Like scorch signs Yeah Like it's hell

It's hell pulling at your pussy Makes sense God Cause you're too lazy To put down the churros Adios amigos Churros are good dude You ever been to Disneyland Churros are so fucking good Disneyland you smell that churros. Adios, amigos. Churros are good, dude. You ever been to Disneyland?

Churros are so fucking good. Disneyland, you smell that churro stand? Oh, I'm like, I'm at Disneyland. I'm getting a fucking churro. I'm getting a churro, and I'm getting a turkey leg. Turkey legs are nice. Turkey legs, the bomb diggity. Yeah, turkey legs rule.

That's the best choice of food. It's probably filled with chemicals, right? Yeah. But that's probably not real smoke. Oh, dude. They probably didn't really smoke that turkey. That was a headless turkey, by the way, in a fucking box. Yeah, that's probably not real smoke. Oh, dude. They probably didn't really smoke that turkey. That was a headless turkey, by the way, in like a fucking box. Yeah, made in a box.

Yeah. Dude, those turkey legs are just the best. I was made in a bio lab in Ukraine. It's the best choice, though. What's up with those bio labs in Ukraine? Do you want to feel good about your food? Yeah, what is up with those bio labs? I don't know.

They found bio labs there? Oh, they found a lot of them. Bro, what do you think we were doing over there? True. I mean, that's probably one of the ways. I was like, guys, guys, we got you. We got you. Cover your back.

Hold on. Yeah, dude. Settle down. What was Burisma doing? I don't know anything. It's all. What? I mean, that's probably one of the ways, like, guys, guys, we got you. We got you. Cover your back. Hold on. Yeah, dude. Settle down. What was Burisma doing? I don't know anything. It's all... I don't know anything. It's all gonna come out. I went into... Wait, who blew up the Nord Stream pipeline? I don't even know. I don't know either. There's all types of stuff I don't even know.

How the false Russia Biolab story came to circulate among the U.S. far right. Let's go. So is it false? to circulate among the U.S. far right. Let's go. So is it false? It circulated among me? Hold on. It was a lurid and difficult to believe claim the Ukraine was developing biological weapons with the assistance of the U.S. government.

In fact, the U.S. assistance to Ukrainian biological labs has been targeted at strengthening public health measures. Both the U.S. and Ukraine have also signed a treaty vowing to never produce or use biological weapons. We promise. Dude, we funded Wuhan. But hold on a second. This is their saying. But this is their saying.

U.S. assistance to Ukrainian biological labs exists, but has been targeted at strengthening public health measures. So they do have biological labs there. Now, by the way, there's a long history of biological warfare over there that I was on this show called Joe Rogan Questions Everything. And one of the things that I did is I interviewed this former Soviet scientist. And he's like, dude, we had trenches filled with anthrax. He goes, there was all sorts of plans in place that if anything went sideways, they were going to figure out a way to poison Americans.

I mean, it's a legitimate biological weapons tactic to develop. But why would you think that if we develop nuclear weapons, we develop hydrogen weapons, we develop all these fucking supersonic missiles, we wouldn't fuck with viruses? It's fucking bullshit. That's crazy. Of course they would. We do.

100% we do. That's what just killed probably a bunch of people. It probably had something to do with that. Shut down our whole entire world. They most certainly developed that in the lab. That has been established now. They literally know that the strain that came out. Are you sure the guy didn't fucking eat a bat and a penguin?

A penguin. Are you sure? Yeah. The wet market. It's a wet market. But it's weird because that became political. Wet market was nice, though, because then they filmed the wet market and you're like, yeah, obviously.

Right. But then the people on the left wanted to believe it came from the wet market. Because the people on the right were saying it's the China virus. It was a lab. It was a lab. No, that's a conspiracy theory. So it became this. So people argued as if their side had a lab. It was a lab. No, that's a conspiracy theory. So it became this. So people argued as if their side had a win.

Yeah. Like it has to be the wet market. Yeah. Because if it doesn't, then those fascists win. Like they had this crazy connection to the source of a fucking pandemic disease. Dude, I caught it. And I was like, I was like, this doesn't feel like anything I've ever had before. It was, it was like, really wasn't that bad. It was two days fever. But then like, I was just hacking up. Like I wasn't even mucus. It was like this doesn't feel like anything I've ever had before it was it was like really wasn't that bad

It was two days Fever, but then like I was just hacking up like I wasn't even mucus. It was like liquid I was like what the fuck is this shit? It was it was like me and my wife were both like dude this feels like some weird artificial something It felt everybody said that it felt alien. It did dude. Yeah, it felt alien. I think it was a new brain It was a new this is a new type of being sick It was a new type of being sick. Yeah. A new type of being sick. Champed it, though.

Did you take vitamins or anything back then? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. I was taking them. Most people that really got hit hard, they don't suck. I was more of a vitamins guy, so I was fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was drinking beer. Beer works. Well, no, it doesn't.

For the record. Responsible. No, it doesn't. You're a. Responsible. No, it doesn't. You're a spokesman now. You got to be careful about your claims. I'm very responsible. Hey, Cody, you could shit it out. You could diarrhea it out.

It actually. What is this? The pangolin? Yeah, have you seen it? They're cool looking. It looks fucking delicious. Is that that bastard that took down. Prehistoric, man.

Look at that motherfucker. You know they curl up in a ball? Yeah, dude. Yeah, it's just their armadillo. They're armored, man. You can't even cut that shit. Look how cool they are. God, that looks like it belongs a million years ago, doesn't it? It their armadillo. They're armored, man. You can't even cut that shit. Look how cool they are. God, that looks like it belongs a million years ago, doesn't it?

It's a good guy. What a cool-looking animal. Fuck, that thing's wild-looking. Joe, what's your favorite animal? If I had one that I'd love to look at- I knew you'd have an answer. If I had one I'd love to look at, for me, it's always primates. Always primates.

I disagree. If I could find one animal that I would see. I couldn't disagree more. That one animal that I could go check out. Yeah. It would be the Bondo ape. Compared to a river otter? Yeah.

River otters are cute. You like watching the otters? They fuck each other up. You ever see river otter wars? Yeah, when they fight. It's fun. They get war. They have like turf war.

A gang comes after another gang. They fucking do that. You ever see monkeys see magic tricks? No. That's fun. Is it? Dudes go to the zoo and do magic tricks. The monkeys are going, oh.

Really? Every time they act. Dude, it's always, the monkey acts like he's not watching. Bro, you just stuff your snot rag right back in your pocket. Yeah, man. It's like a hanky, dude. You're a man. A handkerchief, man.

You're showing it to the monkey. You're fully Hank Hill, dude. You're king of the hill. Oh, look at the monkey. Bro, look at the monkey. The monkey freaked out. Show that again, Jamie. Show that again.

Watch this. Check it out, dude. See? What? What the fuck? Yeah, they do it every single time they go. He's like, oh, shit. This is crazy.

That's amazing. There it is. Now you see it. Now you don't. Look at him. He's like, this is amazing. Oh, that's so fucking funny. That makes sense why I like magic so much.

Yeah, magic rules. Yeah, it's awesome. It is crazy. You go, oh. But if there's one animal that I can go see, it's called the Bondo ape. It's an enormous chimpanzee that lives in one specific area of the Congo. They used to think it was mythological, but now they have tissue samples, they have skulls, they have a crested skull like a gorilla.

They nest on the ground like gorillas, and they're huge. They're like six feet tall chimpanzees. Whoa. Yeah, and the locals have two different, there's two different types of chimps. Look at the size of them. Damn. Yeah, one they call tree beaters, the other one they call lion killers. They cut that guy's throat?

What the fuck? They shot him. They shot him at an airport. Yeah. They shot him at an airport? Yeah. Look at look at the size of the oh that looks like a gorilla to me That's a gorilla, but it's a bondo a pond. Listen. There's a guy named Karl Armand Who's a Swiss wildlife photographer did imagine? Find these things this is it's a documented animal. Yeah, they know it's a real thing Yeah, they have videos of them.

They're really big chimpanzees. And they don't think necessarily it's a different species. They think it's like a different, like the Clydesdales. It's still a horse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like a crazy big horse. But there's this one area called, I think it's called Beely in the Congo, that has this enormous, enormous chimpanzee.

Damn. Yeah. I would want to see that. I don't like chimpanzees. No? You didn't like Chimp Nation? I did,e. Damn. Yeah. I would want to see that. I don't like chimpanzees. No? You didn't like Chimp Nation? I did. Yeah, I liked it.

But there's two similar. It's the human ears that fuck me up. No other animal has those. It's unsettling. I don't know. Something about them I don't love. They have evil eyes. I've seen it.

Dude, you don't want to see a red panda? Look at that arm. The fucking size of his arm. I would be super proud to have those arms. Jamie, bring up red pandas. Look at the size of his arms. Look at his fucking build, man. Insane.

That's funny. I'd be stoked to be built like that. Look at him. Look at the size of him. That's terrifying, dude. I get it. They do rule. They are funny.

I might be dogs. Dogs rule. Dogs rule. Wolves. Wolves in the wild. Being around wolves would be amazing. Look at that. Dogs rule. Dogs rule. Wolves. Wolves in the wild. Being around wolves would be amazing. Look at that. Red panda.

He's such a cutie. Come on, man. So cute. That is a cutie. So cute. Look at his little face. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.

Honey badger. These are adorable. Honey badgers are fun. Those are pretty dope. They're fun. Yeah, badgers are the shit. Badgers are awesome. Wolverines are cool.

Wolverines. I just love that they come in And tell everybody Get the fuck out of here And everyone's like What are you doing? And they attack like big cats And big cats are like They attack lions

And the fudge is like What the fuck are you doing? Fuck off Fuck off Fucking kill me They're 30 pounds Fuck off It's the funniest animal possible

Yeah they are Just be like You're gonna fucking kill me right now Motherfucker Yeah they're the most psycho animal, for sure. It's insane. Yeah. You sent me the video of them going at lions.

It's like, what the fuck? And all the lions are confused. Yeah. They'll hit it for a second. One of them will get bit. They'll all run. That's so fucking funny. Yeah.

I love it. They're so tough. I saw a badger once in the middle of the road, and I got out to film it. It started walking towards me. I ran right back to the car. Hell yeah, dude. Fuck this. It will go at you, yeah. I'm going to fuck you up, dude. Look at that badger once in the middle of the road, and I got out to film it. It started walking towards me. I ran right back to the car. Hell yeah, dude. Fuck this. It'll go at you, yeah.

I'm going to fuck you up, dude. Look at that badger. Nothing. This is nothing to me. What? Look at these jaguars are trying to kill him. He's like, fuck off. Leave me alone, bitch.

Bitch. Fuck are you doing, bitch? Fuck are you doing, bitch? I'm going to bite your dick. I'm going to bite your dick. He's going to write for the dick. Look, the cat's trying to kill him. He's like, nope.

You can't kill me. I was watching the thing on him. I think it's like they're- Fuck off. I'm going to bite your dick. I'm gonna bite your dick. He's gonna write for the dick. Look, the cat's trying to kill him. He's like, nope. You can't kill me. I was watching the thing on him. I think it's like they're- Fuck off. I'm gonna bite your dick. He's gonna write for dicks. He's gonna write at dicks. They don't have flight.

They don't have flight. No, it's all fight. They just go at you. So big animals are confused by it. And they seem invulnerable. Yeah, they take some fights. Oh, and they're smart, dude. There's one video of this guy that tried to keep one in captivity,

and it kept building stuff to escape. Oh, yeah. He had to cut down trees. He had to hide everything because it just kept getting out. Remember we saw the Tasmanian devils? They're so smart. They're so determined, and they just get out to run around and fight. I got to get out to run around and fight

Crazy that nature made that and a giraffe Like nature's like all everything the whole all of it everything grasshoppers. Let's go. Yeah frogs birds fuck it God is great. God made all types of bullshit mean dude, and it made people to make films of it. It's awesome They bug out on like all the stuff that's made. I'm like, dude, this is crazy. Every day. It is crazy.

Universe, planets, bombs. It's awesome when you see them fighting, you realize how goddamn vulnerable we are. Oh, yeah. We're so weak. Even UFC fighters. Our skin is made out of tissue paper. We get cut all the time. Dude, all of our vulnerable organs are right here.

It's all soft. Everything's soft. For real. We get cut all the time. Dude, all of our vulnerable organs are right here. It's all soft. Everything's soft. For real. Even like the elite of the elite. You know, like you're talking about Matt Hughes. Even that guy. Like against an animal. He's just vulnerable.

Just nothing. Honey badger versus beehive. Oh, he doesn't give a fuck about bees. He doesn't give a fuck. Sting me, bitch. Breaks the entire thing. Sting me, bitch. He's getting stung, dude.

He's getting stung. He's getting stung, dude. He's getting stung. He's getting stung. He's getting mad. He'll go right back. Fuck it. Ow. He's getting stung on his eyeballs everywhere. That's so funny.

Honey, so good. Look at his face. What little psycho eyes they have. Yeah. You know? We saw Tasmanian devils in Australia. Those things are cool as fuck, too. Yeah, Tasmanian devils.

Oh, yeah. Fucking rules. So tight. That might be the favorite thing I've ever seen at a zoo. Yeah. They have contagious cancer. What? Yeah, theymanian devils. Oh, yeah. Fucking rules. So tight. That might be the favorite thing I've ever seen in a zoo. Yeah. They have contagious cancer. What? Yeah, they have herpes?

Yeah, I thought so, too. I thought it was, too, but it's the kind of cancer that they get from biting each other. Yeah, they bite each other in the face so much, and they get these crazy face tumors from contagious cancer. Koalas were fun. Koalas were tight. Chlamydia boys. They have chlamydia, right?

Yeah. Everybody says that. Every time you hold them, they're like, watch out. Chlamydia boys. They have chlamydia, right? Yeah. Everybody says that. Every time you hold them, they're like, watch out. They're real calm until they're hungry. You need to keep feeding them if you want to hold on to them. You let go. You stop feeding them for a little while. Like, hey, motherfucker. Where's the food? It changes what it is. Yeah, they get nasty.

They're feeding them shit the whole time to chill them out. Probably drug them up a little, too. Have you heard of a drop bear? A what? A drop bear. What's a drop bear? Sounds like it's awesome. It went around the internet.

It's like mean koalas, but it turns out we're dumb Americans and don't know that it's a meme. It's not real. There's a- But it looks like there's a bunch of facts about drop bears. Oh, it's a fake bear. It's a koala with its mouth open? Yeah, it's just it's not real, but they made it sound real.

So they just have koalas with their mouths open? They say they're more aggressive koalas or something? Jamie, watch. They say they can fit their head as humans. They drop from height to size. 45 meters. 45 meters. They do.

They actually can. They fall out of fucking trees. They fall out of the tree all the time. Yeah, they get fucked up. Yeah, they get fucked up. You know who doesn't get fucked up? Squirrels. True. Squirrels fall from so far, dude. They get out of the tree all the time. Yeah, they get fucked up. Yeah, they get fucked up. You know who doesn't get fucked up? Squirrels.

True. Squirrels fall from so far, dude. They push each other out of trees. When they're trying to fuck, they push each other. Get out of here, bitch. Yeah, get out of here, bro. They're really good at falling. Hold on.

Jamie, can you find a video? There's a koala that attacks a kid, and it's very funny. Oh, no. Well, it's just an adorable koala running up, and everyone's like, oh, nice. He just fucks him up. It just starts going at a kid. Yeah, they're little Oh, no. Well, it's just an adorable koala running up, and everyone's like, oh, nice. He just fucks him up. It just starts going at a kid. Yeah, they're little bears, man. Yeah.

At the end of the day, they're little bears. There he is. Look at him. Oh! Oh! He's just getting that kid. Oh, my God. It's like Lilo and Stitch. Bro, imagine that.

Oh. You're a little kid, and you get attacked by that little fucker. That'll fuck you up. A teddy bear killed you? Because he probably thinks you're small people are not people That's all dogs are some true. Oh, oh dogs think that small people are animals. He runs off It's so fun. Fuck some just an adorable animal I would have beat the shit out that guy called he handled that a lot better than the wrestling coach

I would have fucking destroyed that claw. Yeah, I would have to do Stop it. Yeah. Fuck out of here. Guy throwing a raccoon when it attacks his dog? Fired up. Oh, yeah. It's wonderful. You ever see the one where the lady's in the backyard and the black bear is on the fence and her dogs are barking?

Yeah. And she pushes the fucking bear off the fence? She pushes the bear off the wall? No. It's like a young girl, too. She's like 16. She's like, get the fuck out of here. She's like so enraged trying to keep this one. Watch this. This lady's trying to keep her dogs too. She's like 16. She's like, get the fuck out of here! She's so enraged trying to keep... This one, watch this.

This lady's trying to keep her dogs alive. So the bear comes up. He's on the fence there, on the wall there. Oh, shit. Yeah. So the dogs see it, and they go running. Oh, with its cubs. Oh, with its cubs, no. Oh! Oh!

Oh, that hurt. Look at this crazy lady. She pushes it right over the edge. Damn. That lady's wild. That's a wild lady. That's a wild lady. That lady's got balls.

You know what's wild? It says this is from Fox, Orlando. There's no way that was in Florida, was it? Of course it is. Oh, 100%. Oh, dude, they have a lot of bears in Florida. Florida has a large bear population. Yeah, someone got killed by a bear there a few years ago.

Damn, their mothering instincts kicked in. Yeah. Dogs, man. Some people don't play. Yeah, man. That whole crew. All the shitty dogs ran out to fight. She ran out to fight.

Dude, those bears. That's the wrong answer. What the fuck? All these losers are fighting me. Little tiny dogs. They don't fuck around. Like little dogs will attack. They attack everything.

They don't know anybody else. It's a very bad instinct. Oh, wow, yeah. She's a kid. Gangster. Good for her. Boys, let's wrap this up. Yeah, hell yeah.

Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast. Let's go. Available everywhere, right? Thank you, brother. Where is it? It's everywhere. YouTube. It's awesome. It's all over the place. It's awesome. boys let's wrap this up yeah hell yeah Matt and Chain Secret Podcast available everywhere right thank you brother where is it that's everywhere YouTube it's awesome

it's hilarious thank you man my pleasure you rule you rule see ya bye everybody Bye.