The Joe Rogan Experience - #212 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: May 1, 2012

Joe sits down with Bryan Callen.

It's a Joe Rogan experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Is that my boy Nick? That's Nick Diaz. Nick Diaz, ladies and gentlemen. Nick Diaz is in the opening forever. That was one of the coolest moments of my UFC broadcasting career. How about Rory McDonald giving you a shout out too?

Yeah, he gave me a shout out. He's in there too. He's in the beginning. That kid is ridiculous. Oh my God, he's scary. That guy was so much bigger than him too. So scary. He's like, I'm going to shoot a single leg on you at will, and then I'm going to climb you, and I'm going to beat you up. He's so scary because he's, first of all, he's like super duper dedicated,

and he's one of those kids, he's only like 22. You know, when you're only like 22, 23 years old, man, if you get that good that young, you can get away with a lot of shit. Well, it's a way he came, he's the one who came up with just pure MMA. Yes. But I also think, as good as these athletes are now and everything else, there are some people that have a real edge, but it's got to be because of their philosophy and who's teaching them,

sort of their comprehensive understanding. It's that. It's certainly part of that. But to get a Roy McDonald, it's so rare. It's so rare that you get someone who has that kind of focus, that kind of intensity. Dude, how about his stare in the beginning of that fight? Yeah, it's a creepy stare.

Dude, he just goes quiet. His whole body just goes fucking quiet. He's like a predator. Like the way a lion, when it stops really quick, sees a gazelle. Yeah. Just shoot. And I was like, that dude's so focused, it's ridiculous. Yeah, he's very unusual.

Very unusual kid. Seems like a really nice guy outside of fighting. Super friendly, really easy going, and just mauling motherfuckers. Yeah, he just does what he wants. And 22, you see, at that age, when you're really young like that, you can get so good so quick. Yeah, I know. With kids that are really focused and really dedicated at those early ages, they make these huge leaps in like six, eight months, these giant leaps that take a grown man years to

hit. They can just really accelerate so quickly. I think that's like my buddy is writing a book on learning and he's kind of like just one of these guys who went to Harvard. He speaks literally, he really does speak seven languages fluently, like really does. Wow. And he has his degree in biomedical engineering and all.

He's kind of a genius. And I said, how do you speak all those languages? He goes, well, it's funny because I'm writing a book about learning. And I said, well, what's your philosophy? He said, well, most of the time with learning, when you have to learn something, you already have a lot of preconceived notions about what you can and can't do. So you usually come to the equation with this notion that I'm good at this, I'm not good at that, because somebody along the way told you that.

So most of what learning is, is just getting out of your own way before you can even learn anything, because you come to it with your own projection, your own sort of scaffolding that you put on it. And so his philosophy is like he just said, I can speak languages. I'm going to get out of my own way. I can speak languages. I'm going to find the system. So it's like Tim Ferriss says, if you want to learn Spanish, you only have to know really 2.5% of the words and you can understand 95% of Spanish.

It'll take you five more years to learn 5% of all the Spanish words, but you'll only learn, you'll only understand 98% of Spanish. The increment is very small. So there's, there's a, there's a system to learning. It's just like when you want to educate yourself, there's a, there's a system to it. There's a way to do it. There's a, there's a, there's a methodology and actually a pattern and a path to follow. And most people spend a lot of time, you know, wasting, wasting a lot of time with a lot of periphery stuff, mainly dealing with the fact that they're not good at this. I'm not good at math. I'm not good at languages. I'm not good with money. And what he'll do in this book, this premises is those are all a belief systems that

somebody else put on you, you don you. That's actually not true. And you can get rid of them if you know how to approach something. So it's pretty wild. So someone like Rory McDonald probably started so young that this is a language and it's the only language he's ever known. So when you teach him something, he's not in his own way. He's like, well, I'll just incorporate this into my arsenal. That's a real good point because when we used to get guys who came from other styles that would want to learn Taekwondo,

there's a difference to the style of kicking. And a lot of it incorporated how you lifted up your knees. And they had developed a style of kicking where the knee was down and then the foot was above the knee. And it's a more like leg-centric style of kicking. Whereas the Taekwondo style, the knee is up high, which opens the hips up. And when the hips open up, then there's a turn of the whole body and it's got so much more power to it.

But we couldn't teach them how to do it. They all would, especially when sparring, they would just drop their knee and it would be normal stuff. And be like, you've got to get your knee up. That's the most important thing. The knee is everything. The knee comes power. A huge part of learning also is exactly what you're saying because like a lot of times you go to what's comfortable.

And because practicing, actually the way to get good at something obviously is to practice what you're not good at, what makes you uncomfortable. But it doesn't have to make you uncomfortable. What's making you uncomfortable is the notion that you, is the things that you've put on it yeah so i'm weak i'm not good you see a lot of guys are coming into jiu-jitsu and they only do what what they're good with they don't spend time on their back or they don't spend time whatever why because they're going to look vulnerable right but you're defining that that process as vulnerable you can redefine the process you can decide that it's just you getting better because you're working on where you're soft right so it's really so much of it is your attitude monitors your talent what you come in with and actually more a more specific way of saying it is

what you don't come in with it so much of learning is actually not an addition a process of addition it's process of deletion right deleting right you know you're you're you're i think actually you know it's funny as you become an adult and you get better at something you know certainly for me with stand-up so much of it is just like letting go of a lot of stuff like deleting things in my mind that i don't need to be thinking about i should be thinking about something very positive so you start learning oh I start drifting off into something I'm worried about. I just gently bring my mind back to writing about stand-up. I bring it back to stand-up.

I bring it back to writing a joke. I bring it back to thinking about this TV show I'm trying to do. So you can actually get very disciplined and good at redirecting your mind. It's not an active process. You can make it a very passive process. You know, a lot of times when you hear people talk about work, I got to go to work.

I got to do this work. We put this sort of sacred scaffold, this sacred like fence around work. I'm playing and now I'm going to work. It shouldn't be that way. You can completely blur that line. You can completely like just decide, well, work is what I do anyway. I'm just going to gently start thinking about what i want to be and what i want what i want to be doing and how to create something yeah the work

issues are very it's a very touchy issue for a lot of people because most people that's the bane of their existence yeah and with us it's actually what we love to do right that's a that's a trick pill for a lot of people to swallow that That's really fucking hard. It's really hard. A lot of people don't even want to hear that. We associate the idea with work at some point in our life with displeasure. That's right. With uncomfort. You don't want to be there.

It's not fun. It's not what you look forward to. Well, because I think the ideal, when you talk about work, the ideal is, and I think anybody who's in a position where they don't like, if you're in a job you hate or whatever, the only way to get out of that job is people say, well, I'm going to move and I'm going to do this, is actually to come up with another idea. If you can try to come up with a better idea, it'll beat the other idea. So you might be doing something, but the work actually is about imagination. It's about just sitting there and letting it come to you. Figuring out what is your process? Everybody has a different process. I'm going to listen to music, some people walk. What's the process you have to undertake to get yourself into a creative mode where you're

coming up with ideas? Whether you're an an entrepreneur whether you're a writer whether you're a painter even if you're an athlete i mean you know rory mcdonald those guys have to constantly think about mma and i'm noticing they always have to reinvent they got to keep adding to their arsenal they got to keep growing and a lot of that's imagination man right isn't it i mean a lot of it's imagination that's how it's manifesting itself it's the their creativity isn't beating the fuck out of people. And what people don't understand is, like, you actually have to be creative in fighting. It's a very creative thing.

And when you get good at it, a lot of it is figuring out how to hit someone in a way where they can't hit you back or where you hit them first, where they're trying to hit you, but you get out of the way and then you counter and hit them. And in doing that, you can pick up like dumb people fight dumb. They waddle forward. First, they throw the left and then they throw the right. And all you have to do is keep your wits about you.

You see the left coming. You know the right's coming. It's not going to be an uppercut either. It's going to be a big, stupid overhand right. And that's the language that they communicate in. When you're creative, you become very scary. Like a guy like Jon Jones is very frightening to people because he's very creative in his attack.

You don't know what he's going to do. I mean, he fights Shogun. Shogun's like the best striker he's ever fought. He opens with a flying knee, cracks him in the jaw, and Shogun's never the same. I mean, he fought. He opens with a flying knee, cracks him in the jaw, and Shogun's never the same. That's right. He fucked him up from the first few seconds of the fight. Well, when he threw Rashad Evans in that flying triangle, he's just like, I'm doing MMA.

I just want to see if I can do it. He just pulled guard for no reason. Sakuraba was that way. I remember Sakuraba would show up in a t-shirt that said water or he'd paint muscles on himself. Yeah. And he was completely creative. And I think that's the lesson, right? Yeah.

You don't know what he's doing. Yeah, but that comes from, if you actually look at most people, and we all do it, a lot of people, especially young people, as they start becoming aware of the world around them, what they'll do is they'll look for something very strong to define themselves as. I'm a fighter. I'm a slacker. I'm a skateboarder. I'm a fighter. I'm a slacker. I'm a skateboarder. I'm a fucking rebel.

I get tattooed. And when you define yourself along really strong lines, I think it becomes very, and I'm not talking about defining yourself character-wise. I'm talking about defining yourself just as a person, as a thing.

I am a Republican. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm a right-wing guy. Exactly. So I feel as a conservative. I am a Republican. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'm a right wing guy. Exactly. So I feel as a conservative. Exactly. And what happens when you do that is that it's very hard not to take yourself very seriously in that regard, right?

And then you don't have room to create because that's what I'm talking about. Those lines are very precious and you don't want to break those lines because then you don't know where to go. Then you're in the danger zone you know if you when you define yourself very strongly like that it's kind of like a way of um uh protecting yourself but i think someone like what's his name um the spider um uh anderson silva he's so he comes up dancing he that's part of his technique he's very loose he stays loose he doesn't take it too seriously. Kind of raises his hands when Cheryl Sonnen is calling him out. You know, Hey Brian, is the image down? Huh? Is the image down on Ustream? Image? Yeah. It's a big black screen. It's lately

Ustream has been weird with browsers. Like a lot of people are saying like the sound doesn't work and stuff. And it's just, I think a Chrome mostly, but it's, I'm using a Safari. Yeah. What do you use? I use, chrome mostly. I'm using Safari. What do you use? Oh, okay, I refreshed it. It came back. By the way, people watching this are probably wondering why I'm dressed like a professional athlete. A real professional athlete.

Well, I look like a professional soccer player. I look like a European soccer player. Maybe rugby. Maybe rugby. Dude, I got a thick neck. You can't tell right now because I'm wearing a collar, but I have a beautiful body under this. What was your Showtime special called?

It's called Man Class. Man Class? It's called Man Class. Okay. It's called Man Class, and it was ridiculous. I need to come up with a name for mine. I've had very good feedback on it. Thank you.

Why Man Class? Because I was like, I'm talking about what it is to be a man in 2012, and I was like, I'm just going to fucking teach a man class right now. And I'm obsessed with this problem of masculinity in a fucking world that's so technological. Like we're still producing testosterone and we're aggressive. And we have nothing. All we can do is simulate. I go to the gym.

I'm doing fucking kettlebells. Why? The fuck do I need to swing a kettlebell for? But I got gotta keep my traps up to up to fucking i'm learning how to box with my buddy karen gallagher like in my in my backyard he's bringing me through all this stuff like well listen man here's here's the deal somewhere along the line we got made to feel guilty for being manly for being men for liking men's shit for liking manly things we got somehow or another, we became guilty of that.

I think women, you got to let chicks be chicks. You got to let them wear their crazy heels and their nutty short skirts and the heels that you don't understand, the dresses that don't mean anything to you, but to them it's like super important. That's all girly shit. And if that's what you're into, that's fine. super important that's all girly shit and if that's what you're into that's fine but if you're into manly shit if you're into like man style things you're looked down upon like oh come on that's what makes me so angry that's what makes me so angry because listen up until very fucking

recently we've had to fight and hunt for our own food you know how much you know think about what what kind of what kind of aggression it takes to get on a horse or run through the forest and spear a wild animal and then cut its throat with a stone knife or just a regular knife. You smell that animal? I use a stone knife personally.

I don't want to brag, but I like to hunt with stone tools. I watched a whole special, I believe it was on the History Channel, where guys made bows and arrows the traditional way and went hunting with it. I just pitched a show to Discovery with my buddy Sam Sheridan, who you know. And we're going to go and find all the masculine pockets in a demasculated America. So we're basically going to find guys in Hawaii who hunt wild boar using traditional Hawaiian, like the ancient hunting tools,

like stones, spears, and whatever the fuck it is. And we're going to go find those groups and just kind of like showcase these groups and kind of join them and it could be a funny fucking show. That's hilarious. Yeah. That could be amazing. There's a huge need for men. You know, women have an instinct to preen, right?

They just have an instinct to preen. They're like birds. You see them. They got 15 different lip glosses and different creams they're rubbing their hair whatever the fuck it is a hundred strokes right guys you know my joke about guys for the criteria for guys the way they dress is they don't want to look like a pussy and they got to be comfortable that's all it is i was fucking i don't like any loose hanging shit okay and and uh i even think that you know my it's i can't prove this but whenever

you see a dude like like i always make this joke but it's true if you're in boston or parts of long island or new york and you show up in a cool you're a guy and you show up in like a really sexy like hipster outfit and you got like fucking awesome bangles and you're you got a nose ring you can get beat up by just dudes just because of the way you fucking look they're like i don't like that guy how come he's got a fucking nose ring and he's got bangles i'm gonna punch him in the face and i think it might be because though that guy's not part of our hunting party because all that fucking jewelry makes a lot of noise and the fucking animals hear him and they smell his fucking cologne and they can they can smell that too so i'm going

fucking hungry so you're not my hunting party so i'm gonna beat you up because you represent hunger to me i really think that's part of like what we have that instinct that's that's a funny way of thinking about it i've always thought it was just you don't want some douche coming around dressed like you know stealing my women like a pirate you know you don't want some dude who thinks he's johnny depp and pirates of the caribbean is walking down your street wearing mascara talking to girls like what are you doing dude i fucking i live in venice okay i see dudes with hoop earrings and they're straight if you're gay it's fine you get away with a lot but i see guys just show up with like i saw a guy with a leather like

like like a leather when you say hoop earrings how big are these hoops they were very big they were very fucking big okay is that the new thing dudes are trying to wear like big like diana ross in the 70s earrings he had a mane of thick hair that he tied with this awesome like bow part of it was i was just jealous of the fact that he has great hair but you know he had he looked like a fucking pirate he had you know he had his jeans rolled up just so with these awesome boots oh i was like where can i vote for you, dude? Joe, did you have both ears pierced? No, just the left.

I had two piercings. I had a lower one and then a diamond. And by lower one, he means his dick, ladies and gentlemen. And then I tried to rock two hoops at the same time, but I was like, what is that about? You can't do that. You're too tough looking. And then I tried to rock two studs at the same time,

and then I'm like, oh, this is so stupid. So then I went to one tiny little hoop earring, I think, like somewhere around news radio. And then jujitsu, just constantly taking it out to roll. I just thought, this is stupid. So you get staffed, by the way. Have you tried to put one in recently? I just tried it the other day, and it went right in.

I'm like, oh, shit. I got rock and hearing at both peers, though. Did you think about doing it? I did it for a day. Like I just, as a joke. My dad was an Irish, like kind of Marine, like just kind of a rough dude

who grew up like on a farm. The dude, I showed up, like if I showed up with a hat or like just something cool at dinner, he'd just do shit like this. He was just this big fucking dude and he'd go, why are you wearing that hat?

That's all he'd have to ask me. Or one i i had a goatee i grew a mustache a little awesome soul patch on my chin and i was going to italy and i spent way too much on clothes because i was going to be italian and my father i was like i was like 28 my father looks at me and he goes like this he goes what's going on with your face and i, no, I just thought I'd grow a mustache and a little goatee. And he goes, yeah, how long are you going to wear that for around me? I go, you don't like it? He goes, it's not you. It's not you.

There is something weird about when you really try hard to change your image. But it's one of those things where it's really kind of dependent upon how transparent are your intentions? Or are you just one of those dudes that really can just pull that shit off? Joey Diaz, he could pull off anything he wanted. If he really believed in it, he was 100% behind

it. Joey Diaz could start wearing jumpsuits. Listen, dog, I'm bringing back jumpsuits and fanny packs. If he had a backpack everywhere if joey diaz just all of a sudden started wearing like running suits with a backpack we would go all right i guess that's how he's doing it now i i've never been able to uh that's the other reason is i just i don't know how to do it like i'm really bad with putting clothing together like i don't have any creativity so like i i was when i shot my special i went to see this stylist and the dude shows up and he's

like he's got me in a hat i have a hat a fucking necklace and a blazer and by the way i looked outstanding i look fucking outstanding i was like i'm the best looking guy in america i was like this is great problem is i don't know how to wear a hat or jewelry or a fucking blazer it's too hot it feels too constrictive and i'm doing it for the wrong reasons i just i'm doing it because i i'd be very aware of the fact that i looked awesome or at least i'd act that way and i just can't do it you know it just doesn't doesn't work well being a comedian too you can only be so ridiculous i know you know you can only like try so like Who wants to watch a comedian Go on stage Dressed like he's trying to get laid

Who wants to watch a comedian With like skin tight shirts With a button up What are those things called The button The thermals or whatever No But you know that style

There's like a style to it I don't know the name of it You can't be too All sexy and tight And then pants that already Have rips in them Like you buy them If you're Russell Brandt

You can do that But I don't really Again I'm not as good looking as Russell Brandt. I saw that the other day where the guy had his hair done up like 90210, like the slick poof in the top front. And he had the white shirt that kind of was cut too low. And then he had a little shell necklace thing going on there. And he was doing jokes about how everyone confuses me with Dylan from 90210. He actually brought up the way he looked as in a joke.

Was this like an open mic night? No, this was a show at just a regular show. Dove Davidoff tells this real joke which is based on a true story where a guy got out of a BMW when he first got to LA. And Dove grew up in a junkyard in Jersey. So the guy fucking gets out of a BMW and he's wearing kind of a cape. Like a cape. Kind of like a long. It he's wearing kind of a cape, like a cape, like kind of a long, it's not even a duster, it's a cape. And the guy goes, hey, you know what time it is?

And Dove's like, you're just going to ask me what time it is? Like, you're not wearing a fucking cape? It's time to take the fucking cape off, jerk off. What the fuck are you doing? I'll punch you in the face right now, and I don't even know you. It's so hilarious, you know? Have you seen that thing that robert kelly wears he talks about it once in a while on opium anthony and it was like it's like i'm i can't remember the name

of it but it's a like a fanny pack that instead of having it around your crotch it's like this thing that goes from like the left side to the right side like a seat belt only robert kelly could get away with that i love robert it's like robert yeah robert could get away with it though it's a man purse you know as you get older and you're not trying to get laid, you start saying things like, what the fuck? Why don't I just have a purse? You start saying shit like, sometimes I have cargo shorts on. You know why?

Because I have a lot of shit. I got my keys. I got some money. I got some gum. The other day I was in my car singing at the top of my lungs, and these girls pulled up, and usually I would have been like, I'm a fucking idiot. Nah, I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I was singing as loud as I could.

What is the song you're singing? I was singing a new song by Springsteen called Death to Our Hometown. Whoa, you just went deep. I sure did, guys. You told me you had some sort of religious experience at a Springsteen show. I had, and I'm not joking. I went and saw him. He's 62. I've seen Springsteen, show? I had, and I'm not joking. I went and saw him. He's 62.

I've seen Springsteen, let's call it, because I'm on the podcast and I want to exaggerate 30 times. It's probably closer to 15. And he's 62. And, well, he's never been better. He's writing songs on a level that he's just as good as anything he's ever done. And, you know, everybody else, the Rolling Stones, you see, it's a revival tour.

They're just singing the same thing. Eagles. This guy's still producing on a level that he was producing at when he was 24 years old. It's amazing. He's more than amazing because he, he literally, and this,

I was watching him and, you know, I was literally having, this is going to sound really cheesy, but I'm a huge fan of his. I became an actor because of him. I became a standup because of him. I listened to his songs because there was something in his voice but for me it was literally so overwhelming because he's so timeless like he's aligned with

something the dude and it's because what motivates him is way more than than his own appetites and what he wants to do what motivates him is something much bigger than himself and i don't know what that is but you can feel it. It's probably just the love of all those people. He's got such a fanatical crowd. Oh, but it's also about saying something, man. Yeah, but the love of all those people that are responding to what he's saying. Yeah, yeah.

And the intense connection that Springsteen has to his fans. It's because of, you know, like Born to Run. There's songs that people just, you hear that., it's like Born to Run. There's songs that, like, people just, you hear that. And that's, like, that's a slice of history. Go read the lyrics of Greetings from Asbury Park and Darkness on the Edge of Town. Because what he was doing there was literally, like, he kind of almost invented a language that changed a lot of like the artistic landscape in New York. At least, you know,

Sam Shepard was writing plays based on that album, man. No one has ever got rid of a chick that was a problem in his life and wrote a better song about it than Springsteen did the brilliant. She's the one. She's the one. You ever hear that? I don't know that one,

but I know brilliant disguise that that's, I remember hearing that cause I was like early twenties when I, when I heard that and I was, you know, brilliant disguise. I remember hearing that because I was like early 20s when I heard that. And I was, you know, always in terrible relationships, always chaos. Some of them just didn't work out because of you. Some of it was because of her. But you knew enough crazy people in your life at a certain point to realize you could get fucked in a relationship. And when I saw that Bruce Springsteen got fucked, and then I realized, I was like, oh, see what happened?

She was really hot, so she pretended to be something, and then he got close to her, and he got to know her, and she was kind of a cunt. Right. Go listen to Jungle Land, She's the One. Oh, yeah, oh, I know that song, yeah. Oh, fuck, man. I mean, and Backstreet's? Yeah.

Like, Backstreet's is about this. And by the way, the Brilliant Disguise is like 15 years later. Oh my God. Not only is he prolific like that, he's given songs away to people like the Pointer Sisters and Patti Smith

and that was their biggest hit. Because when, there's a documentary called The Promise where he'd been, Born to Run was the biggest album in the country and it was,

he was on the cover of Newsweek and Time Magazine. He was 24 years old. And then he went to write The Promise. I'm sorry, he went to write Darkness on the Edge of Town. And they wanted him to write more of the stuff from Born to Run. Like, that's what his fans want. And not only that, he was writing hit songs and giving them away.

And Steve Van Zandt was like, writing hit songs is so fucking hard, and he's giving them away. And he comes into the studio and he goes well let's see what we're gonna throw away today and you see Steve Van Zandt go please don't throw that song away please don't it's so perfect please he's like it doesn't fit in the album just doesn't fit in the album and he was so uncompromising they said what drove you he said I wanted to be great because I knew I had it inside me and I wanted to be great and and I wanted to do something that nobody else, I just didn't want to do anything derivative. And I talked to him for an hour and a half about songwriting,

which was kind of exciting. Where was this? I went backstage a long time ago with Jeremy Piven, and I literally talked to him about stand-up and about writing songs for an hour and a half. It was just me, him, Jeremy, his wife, and my buddy Anthony Tambakis, who's going to be my next guest on the Brian Call callen pot uh the brian callen show tambacus yeah he wrote warrior

and he's just we had warrior was a good movie yeah that movie did not get nearly enough respect it really did i was surprised no it was my wife loved it it's a great movie it's a good movie yeah the only unrealistic thing is that they fought two days in a row yeah they didn't have to do that right that could have been worked out well because anthony and gavin who's the director and they wrote it they they're not they don't know a lot about fighting that's all they were more concerned with the story you know yeah but but it was still good yeah it was still good even though that that was kind of nonsensical it was still still right it's a very good movie it's a great movie god damn nick nolte's a motherfucker oh my god he a motherfucker. That dude just showed up and just did that and did that take 50 times.

Like, literally, there's like, what else do you want, guys? Oh, my God. If people don't know what we're talking about, there's a breakdown scene. Nick Nolte's a recovering alcoholic. He was a terrible father. He basically gave birth to these two savages that meet in the finals of this MMA tournament, which, by the way, is a very accurate statement for many fighters there's a lot of fighters that grew up broken homes fucked up households you know a lot

of a lot of fighters grew up you know in in dire straits as youngsters from some asshole father and a lot of those asshole fathers even wind up teaching those kids at first just like his dad did in this movie so it was really accurate. The way they did it, it didn't seem fake. The interactions, like, what is that dude's name? Tom? Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy.

What a bad motherfucker he is. And he's English, too. He's from England. But his interactions with the father, it was so realistic. It was so believable. Well, Anthony had a very, he doesn't talk to his dad. He had a very, very tough childhood with his father. His father was not.

This is the guy who wrote it. Yeah. So, you know, there's a lot of personal shit in there. Anthony, what's his last name again? Tambacus. Tambacus, yeah. We just did a podcast, and he was so, it was so much fun to talk to him about art and about what's important, and he's just one of those fucking guys who really.

I'll tell you what, he nailed that movie, because that's a tired genre. Yeah. It's the martial arts champion, though the good guy is going to rise above and do it for his kids. It's a tired genre, and he really connected, and it was really good. It sucked, man. I was really bummed out that movie didn't get nearly as much attention as it deserved. Is it out yet on DVD or anything? I think it is.

For a while, it was the number one DVD in the country. It's a good fucking movie, man. I mean, it's, yeah, like I said, the only thing that bothered me is the non-realism about the, you can't, if you tried to fight

two days in a row, your whole face would be swollen, your hands, you wouldn't be able to close your hands. Yeah. You can't do it. You can't fight two days in a row.

It's too hard. It's hard to fight more than once in a day. I've done it. The last kickboxing tournament, I fought three times in one day. It's stupid. Yeah.

It happens all the time in Taekwondo wrestling. Yeah, we used to wrestle more than, you know, like if you went to like a tournament, sometimes it was two days long or even if it was one day long. A lot of times you wrestle at least three times. Yeah, totally. But the only problem was there's no head contact in wrestling. And the head contact in kickboxing and in MMA, like that's why you can't do it two days in a row. You just can't.

No way. You know, you get rocked the first day. The next day, you need fucking rest, man. You can't be going getting punched in the face again. It's actually really dangerous, too. Sure. If you have a mild concussion, you get hit again. A lot of guys get concussed and still win.

It happens all the time. They get concussed and make it to the final round, and the final round ends, and they go back to sit on the corner and the corner will tell them the fight's over. That happened recently with Alex Caceres. He got head kicked. I think, I believe it was in the second round. He got head kicked.

And at the end of the third round, he couldn't believe the fight was over. He's like, what are you talking about? The fight just started. They go, no, it's over. He goes like, come on, man. You guys are playing with me. Did he win? No, he did not.

I believe he lost the decision. It was a really close fight it was a crazy fight and he actually came back from getting head kicked and was doing really well it was really amazing it was he just got hit with a really hard shot and that's just part of the game you know the the human head is what's it what's it doing to you that you're ringside for all that violence i'm really numb to it it's really strange i've seen like street fights like up close and personal you know i've seen shit go down like right in numb to it it's really strange i've seen like street fights like up close and personal you know i've seen shit go down like right in front of me it's no big deal my heart doesn't even skip a beat it's like everything's moving in slow motion yeah it's real weird like

i've i've gotten so used to watching people beat the fuck out of each other on a high level like the highest the highest level in the world yeah feet away and then calling it. It's an honor to do, really. I really say that. People say it almost sounds kind of like a false statement. No. You say it's an honor, but it's one of those things where the word honor doesn't get used. It gets judiciously kind of tossed out. It's actually used.

I don't think it's used enough. Honor is something when a man talks about honor, it's like, oh actually used i don't think it's used enough honor is something when a man talks about honor it's like oh you're old-fashioned and stuff but honor is very important it's a very important it's very important it's very important that's why you know if i'm if i'm doing any sort of commentary on it if i'm i i feel like i have this massive obligation to say exactly what i think is going on if this this guy, you know, why I think this guy is getting hit with this sort of shot, why he's moving in certain directions. And it gets to the point sometimes where fighters will think that I'm being disrespectful. Well, I don't know if that's true because I've never seen.

I've had conversations with dudes. And I've got to tell them, I'm a good man. I'm just critical. If I can see it, it's there. If I can see a hole, it's there. It doesn't mean you can't win with that hole. But if I see a hole, it's there. It doesn't mean you can't win with that hole, but if I see a hole, it's there, and if you get mad at me because I'm pointing out a hole in your game,

that's silly. I'm not criticizing you. I'm looking at the whole thing as a mathematical proposition, and I'm saying here's an entry. Here's an entryway, and here's the issue with this one particular attack. You've always had enormous respect for fighters, and one of the things I think that you're so good at, and a lot of people have said this,

is you take yourself completely out of the equation. That's a very hard thing to balance, actually, because when you're calling a fight and you have to be, you have to call, you know fighting, you've been watching it for many years now, and you've been doing it, you do see where there's a hole. And so the balancing act is calling that but

not not saying well i would have done something different you're always very careful about that you know that's the grossest thing that anybody ever does when they do commentary oh if i was me i would go in there and hit him with a left right you got no idea you got no idea what it's like it's gross when i hear commentators not it doesn't happen very often with mma commentators but with these prognosticator type characters that make predictions on fights, I don't think he's going to be able to handle it. And they'll use numbers. I don't think he's going to be able to handle a 2-3.

When he shoots the double and can't handle that 2-3. That kind of bananas, like you're going to predict the future talk. Like, stop. I'll tell you something. I had an experience, though. My buddy Kieran Gallagher, who's a stuntman, but a lot of guys who are real MMA guys know who he is because he came out of University of Arizona, Arizona State, I think, and was a high-level black belt in jiu-jitsu from Higa Machados and was a pro boxer.

By the time he was in college, he had 24 pro fights as a boxer. And really knows his stuff, and he's been teaching me. He's got all kinds of crazy tricks. i watched the last fights with him i watched i was with him and i was with a group of people i got witnesses like will sasso there and stuff the dude not only called every fight but he was gonna he told me what was gonna happen before they would do it like oh here comes a single like here it was so amazing and i said dude kieran you called every single fight and not only that you told me what was happening before. He goes, I've been doing that for 10 years.

But he knows the game that well. But you'd never know it. He's just a stuntman now. Damn, he should probably do commentary for somebody. Dude, that's not his personality. He's not going to do that. Yeah, but if you know the guy, why don't you hook him up with somebody? Hook him up with, like, Shark Fights or something.

Maybe the guy would wind up being an awesome commentator. He's uncanny. He's one of those guys who's really intelligent. Like he's a stuntman. I know he's a high-level fighter. Why don't you talk him into doing it, man? Dude, he's also read every book. I started mentioning books with Anthony.

He was a writer who wrote a novel. He starts mentioning like everybody from Charles Bukowski to Kerouac to fucking Norman Mailer. He's read them all. He's read more than I have. I go, what the fuck? I go, have you read all these books?

He goes, I read everything, dude. I mentioned an obscure book called Extreme Fear that Sam Sheridan recommended that I'm reading now. Fascinating. He goes,

yeah, I read it. What? What the fuck are you talking about? And he starts giving me a critique about it. I was like, you know. Stuntmen have a lot of free time, I think.

He's got a lot of free time. Sometimes. But he's also a really special, smart guy. Like, he's a genuine friend Sometimes. But he's also a really special, smart guy. He's a genuine friend. He's just a really, really smart guy. But when you're on a set, there's a lot of times, especially, I don't know if the Fear Factor set was indicative

of how it would be in a movie, like stunt guys in a movie set, but there's a lot of downtime. A lot of downtime. There's a lot of times where they're setting things up. He's also one of the few stuntmen who was was a really actually a professional fighter and still rolls with olympians and still fucking has an mma gym you know why don't you talk this guy into doing commentary man it seems like look a lot of people probably don't think that it could be possible that's why they don't want to do it they don't think that it could be real you know what i mean

they don't even think about it doesn't even pop in their head. But if the guy knows that much, is he entertaining to talk to? Yeah, he's really, really smart. Then get, it sounds like he's perfect. Somebody hire him. He's probably better than me. Nobody's better than you.

Tell the UFC. Nobody's better than you, my friend. That's not true. That's ridiculous. I don't know anybody who's better than you. And I think Mike Goldberg's unbelievable, too.

He's great. I think he's unbelievable. He's a great dude, too. You guys are the perfect fucking combination. Well, Goldberg is a good dude. You know, one of the good things about, like, working with him, too. You guys are the perfect fucking combination. Well, Goldberg is a good dude. One of the good things about working with him, I enjoy that guy.

I enjoy his company. Yeah, you've told me that before. He's a nice guy, man. He's a sweetheart of a guy. He's always nice. He's always hugging everybody and always friendly. He's a sweet, positive guy. So I like being around him. And he's fucking good.

He's a great play-by-play guy, man. He's smooth as fuck. He knows how to keep the whole machine.'s really poetic like he's like a really people critique him they criticize him but you're you're criticizing like one or two weird things that he might have said while we're free balling for fucking hours at a time six hours at a time several times a month you know you got to realize like you look man're going to find some stupid shit that everybody says if you look at it for that long. Speaking of free-balling, I just did the Adam Carolla podcast.

He's so unbelievable at coming up with one premise and just being fucking hilarious. When he was on the podcast, I credited you to saying that he's the best guy at improvisation. I've never seen anything like it. Coming up with a whole rant on a set, like the best rant guy. And like real and real bits. Like literally like. They become bits.

I'm like, like I said, do you ever do stand up? He goes, nah. I go, you have five hours of fucking material. He's doing stand up now. He's doing stand up now. I don't know. He's, he does. Well, he does.

He does the podcast, which is stand up in front of an audience. No, no. He's doing stand up. He was doing. Yeah. Yeah. He was doing regular stand up. He did a show

at the Irvine Improv and it was one of I did one of his live podcasts, which I liked but I don't like as much because it's just, it's a completely different thing. Yeah. When you're, when you're. Well, they're looking to be funny. They're just looking, they're looking to be silly.

Well, I felt like, it's not even that, it's I felt like why am I even talking, I should be doing stand-up right now i shouldn't be sitting here talking there's 300 people that want to laugh their ass off and i can do that i get you to laugh yeah but let's just do stand-up you know but i didn't want him putting my stand-up on the internet because it was like this is all stuff that i was going to put in my next album i was like i don't you know you can't just put that on your podcast that That's like Byron Allen. You ever see that show he did called... Comics Sit Down or whatever. Comics Unleashed.

Meanwhile, I get there. Comics Unleashed. I get there and I go, wait a minute. You want me to do... You're paying me 150 bucks or whatever it is to do... Your act. My act. 20 minutes of my act.

Nah. Yeah, what the fuck? No thanks. I'm not doing that. And they could fucking probably sell it in syndication. Oh, sure. He's like... Yeah, they own it. They own in syndication oh sure he's like yeah

they own it right like he'll be like hey what's up with your hair he prompts you and then you go into your bit and i'm watching guys oh god i'm watching guys give up 20 minutes it took them like fucking three years i'm like are you out of your fucking mind well the worst is there there's some shows i'm sure where they own that material now and you're not allowed to repeat that material you know if you do it i'm sure there's contracts that if i don't know what well actually though i where they own that material now and you're not allowed to repeat that material. If you do it, I'm sure there's contracts. I don't know what shows they would do. Well, actually, though, my thing on Showtime, they had some stipulation, but I was able to do stuff on,

I just did Comedy Central's mashup where I have to rear up on a horse, by the way. Did I mention that? Whoa. Yeah, I'll be, I believe, they're going to take my stand-up bit where I rescue a bunch of women on horseback and they're surrounded by wolves.

It's called the wolf whisperer. Thank you. Yeah, I talk about really heavy shit with my stand-up. How come your stand-up is so fucking silly and you're such a, when I talk to you, you're such an intense and serious guy. I don't know, dude,

because yesterday I just did a fucking whole stand-up. I did 20 minutes on saving a whale and they were fucking dying and I love the bit. because yesterday I just did a fucking whole stand-up. I did 20 minutes on saving a whale, and they were fucking dying, and I love the bit. It's so funny. So what's wrong with it? You say that reluctantly.

Nothing. I don't know. I just can't help it. I start thinking. Because it's silly. I guess. I start laughing at the idea of saving a fucking whale, and then I didn't save it, and I had to sit on its blowhole and kill it.

No, because I didn't want it to die of dryness, and I had to sit on its blowhole and kill it. No, because I didn't want it to die of dryness so I had to sit on its blowhole. Anyway, but it was fucking retarded but they loved it. I don't know, dude. Now my next hour that I'm working on

is a little bit different. I'm dealing with larger motifs. Listen, larger motifs. You've been living in Venice too long, son. We need to get you the fuck out here to San Gabriel Valley. Did you hear that, Brian? What the fuck did he just say? Larger motifs. You've been living in Venice too long, son. We need to get you the fuck out here to San Gabriel Valley. Did you hear that, Brian?

What the fuck did he just say? Larger motifs. Did you understand that at all? You know what that is. Guys, sorry. If someone said that in front of you, would you get disgusted? Guys, sorry. I'm very educated.

I'm highly educated. Highly educated, sophisticated, zip-up boots. Can't help myself. Got it all. Guys, I'm a reader. It is weird seeing you hang out with different people, though, because it seems like certain people you act different, like you're more sillier when you're with Delia. You mean I'm a chameleon?

Yeah. You mean like my sister who calls me the chameleon? Right. You know what my buddy Anthony Tambacca said about me? He goes, you know, if Brian takes a walk with seven Cherokees, you know what comes back? Eight Cherokees. I was like, ah, fuck. fuck shut up it's true though i had

to be that way as a kid i had to blend in with my move moved every two years very unique i mean it's not like you know you're you're very unique well i appreciate it i try to be oh you're not like short bus unique either yeah you're you're a unique dude but yeah um you and i always uh wind up with caveman conversations you and i always go fucking right to the bottom of the man's soul it's what we think about violence and sexuality and you know all this fucking society is an illusion and you know that puts when it crumbles down that fucking guy's gonna fall apart but that's what you and i have always had this friendship where like like where no matter what if we're lying to each other like if we're just we're like we just don't want to deal with the truth right now, we'll just start saying something.

I would be like, I really love her. And he'd be like, hey, who are you fucking talking to? No, you don't. I'm like, but I live with her. Yeah, so what? You don't love her. Break up with her immediately. I could never get away.

We could never really get away with lying to each other. Well, you were just too good of a friend to have these crazy girls you were dead when i say crazy girls folks i'm not a invasive sort of a a friend when it comes to friends girlfriends like brian can tell you i'm i'm usually pretty supportive right when you say brian yeah oh yeah absolutely and i dated a lot of crazy girls and he's dated a lot of crazy girls and but my so fun and bad but my take on it was always just be sweet to them be nice to them fuck the shit out of them them, and if they leave, they leave. Right. That's how you go.

But with you, you had a totally different kind of crazy. I developed an addiction. You had a fascination with girls who were gigantic problems. Yeah. Brian's girls are sweet girls. Yeah. They just, what happens in life? You take a left when you should have taken a right.

You get stuck. You can't pay your rent. There's a lot of shit that happens to people in life. So he's dealing with essentially sweet girls that go down a bad track. You're dealing with fucking crazy people. Where you can lose your fucking house. Oh, not just lose your house. Lose your life.

He had a few of them, man, where he would bring over like it was like Joe Lewis' bum of the month club. He would bring over all these new silly bitches that he was dating. One of them I called Bunch of Naps. Yeah, that was the greatest. That was the greatest. She came over. I met her. She lived on cookies.

Yeah, she comes over, and I go, that chick looks like she needs a bunch of naps. Right? And then 10 minutes into hanging out at my house, oh, my God, I'm so tired. She takes her shoes off and curls up on the couch she was a fucking cat it was i literally she was like having a owning a high-tech pet she was so strange look she's my pet it was so strange i have never met like a more cat-like human right i've never met a person who just like had no desire to have an intelligent conversation just wanted to take naps well i i talked to to this guy. This fucking, I talked to this awesome dude who's like a well-known, like a psychiatrist.

He's got his PhD. He's a really smart guy. And he said a lot of times people in relationships, like he works with a lot of like couples and stuff like that and addicts and stuff. And he said a lot of times what human beings do is we apply a construct on someone. So you'll find somebody

that looks the part and then you just apply a construct. You just go, oh, that's who you are. You're this girl. You really like to work out. Yeah, you're the J.Crew girl

on the front of a sailboat. That's what I want to date. Meanwhile, the girl's like, I'm from fucking Michigan. I've never been on a sailboat in my fucking life and I like to do drugs every day. What are you talking about?

No, you don't. No, no you don't why were you trying to construct that that sort of a a really non-realistic reality though all the time i don't know because it wasn't like it was really strange it's like that's the kind of behavior that you get from people that have a hard time meeting girls but you had no problem meeting girls it wasn't that at all you were not shy you were always charming and you're always funny so i. It wasn't that at all. You were not shy. You were always charming. And you were always funny. So, I mean, I can't remember a time where you're like, dude, I can't meet girls. I'm just tired of being alone. It was never that.

It was you, you know, for whatever reason, would wind up getting connected to the crazy girl. They were so nuts, dude, that I was trying to figure out. I spent many an hour by myself thinking about you after many of our crazy adventures. Thinking about you going, how did this happen? How did this guy get to this state of mind where he lets this person in his life and then he can't see that? I don't understand that. I don't know. Because when I'm hanging out with you, I'm like, here is this insightful, this insightful intelligent objective self-deprecating guy who's really well-read yeah and yet he's hanging around with

legit meth heads right you were hanging around with like scary people that were like I don't know I really don't know what that was I think part of it was just um I think what it was was I'd go oh that's a project and I can save that person yeah Yeah, I think that was definitely. I found that very intriguing where I'd say, you know what, all you need is someone like me to change your life and I know how to help you. And it took me a long time to realize that that is the dumbest shit you can ever do for anybody. I mean, that's a dead fucking end.

You never want to do that shit. My goodness, it is. You know, you never want to do that because you can't, you know, my father said something interesting to me the other day. He said, look, you want to give advice shit my goodness it is you know you never want to do that because you can't you know my father said something interesting to me the other day he said look you want to give advice to a kid very different don't ever get advice ever ever to an adult even if even if they can use it never do it i said yeah but the guy's he's headed toward a wall he goes that's right they know they're headed to a wall never this is your dad yeah and he said why doesn't your dad do a

talk show i gotta get him on my fucking- Yeah, you get him on the podcast. He's one of my favorite people in the world. He's the greatest. Dude, get him on your- Why don't you get him- Can I go on it?

Can I go on with your dad? Oh, that'd be great. Please. Well, he's a great guy to talk to about politics, about the state of the fucking world, about everything.

Because he's been in a hundred countries. Oh, Jesus Christ. He's going to Italy right now to brush up on his Italian. I'm like, why are you doing that? He goes, I don't know. He's going to Italy right now to brush up on his Italian. I'm like, why are you doing that? He goes,

I don't know. I'm going to Rome for three weeks. Wow. He was the greatest. He said, we were talking about when you're with a woman

and you want to be able to talk to her and sometimes you can't. He goes, talk to her. Why would you want to talk to her? I've been married to your mother for 50 years.

I don't want to talk to her. That's ridiculous. Go to work. Go to fucking work. That's stupid. He's so great. He's such a bottom Bottom line guy And has read

Everything But is also just A real man You know A real Sounds like a fun guy To talk to The world needs more of those

I call him everyday When I need When I want to talk about Something in the news Or talk about Just advice Do you get crazy with him How deep do you go

In the rabbit hole As deep as it gets Really With that guy You can go all the. Do you get crazy with him? How deep do you go in the rabbit hole? As deep as it gets. Really? With that guy? You can go all the way in the rabbit hole with him? Oh, my God. Personal secrets? Fuck yes.

Anything, huh? Fuck yes. And be careful, by the way, because he'll fucking, he'll smell you. He'll smell. He'll smell you lying? Oh, my God. He'll smell you holding back? Smell you.

How about this? How about this? I'll give you a great story. Ready? Watch this. My buddy comes in. I swear to God. I i'm with my dad we're in my office my buddy comes in he just happened to be around because he was gonna you know he just comes out he goes hey brian how you doing i go hey you know let's say his name is jeff i go hey jeff what's up and he goes not much

how you doing i go i'm good and he goes all right man uh i'm just gonna say he says a couple words and he goes hey mr cal how you doing Nice to meet you. And he just leaves. And my father goes, what's that guy do? And I go, he's a writer. My father said, oh, I suspect that's not going to work out for him. And I go, how did you know that? And he goes, pattern recognition. I've been around.

I'm 71 years old. That's how. Pattern recognition? Pattern recognition. So he's like that guy from the Ben Stiller movie where he has the human lie detector on this. That's what he can read you in a heartbeat, dude. He can see you walk across the street.

He knows your whole fucking life. Okay, then again, how the fuck are you so bad at that? Well, I'm actually good at it. I choose to ignore it. Really? Yes. Actually, I think I'm very good at it, but when I see a project, I'm actually good at it. I choose to ignore it. Really? Yes. Actually, I think I'm very good at it. But when I see a project, I go, hey, I need to help you.

So you almost, well, there was a self-destructive aspect to you that always disturbed me being your friend. That's what would drive me nuts. It was a distraction. And it hurt me. It hurt my career, by the way. Really? Yeah. Yeah. me nuts you know it was a distraction and it hurt me it hurt my career by the way really yeah yeah yeah it hurt my career and it hurt my relationships with people that were significant in my life and

yeah um and i i think a lot of that self-sabotage we all go through that stuff you go through it man you way less than than anybody i knew actually you were always very good at cutting out the fat and i kept it because i I wanted an excuse maybe to, you know, it was like a parachute. You know what I mean? I think there's very few reasons in life to give yourself more problems. And if you can find all your own problems and address them and try to deal with all your own problems and be real honest about that, then it makes it really easy to see other people's problems. But I've found that in my life, when I wasn't being honest with myself about my own problems,

when I had issues, when I had unresolved things in my mind, just when I was a really young man, I was still growing up and trying to get over my fucked up childhood, I found it much more difficult for me to see problems in other people. Because of the shield that I put on recognizing my own issues, I wasn't as intuitive or insightful when it came to recognizing other people. As I got older and I became

as honest as is humanly possible, which is how I am now, then it became where I just see it everywhere. Then it became really obvious. That's what I have now become obsessed with and that's why I don't suffer fools anymore like that. Because what I'm very interested in is figuring out,

I want to stay as undiluted as I can and as authentic. When I was watching Springsteen, the word that kept popping into my head was just authentic. He's never lying. It's everything about him, the way he dresses,

everything about him and nothing is in his way. There's no resistance. That's why he can do a backbend and touch his head at 62 why he can literally backbend he went all the way back and hit his head he can he can run he's 62 that's amazing on stage on stage on a backbend at 62 and i went and i went that guy's so out of his own way you know i've said this before maybe on the podcast but it's one of my favorite metaphors that michelangelo said when he was carving his name michelangelo when when michelangelo sorry guys i speak italian when michelangelo uh sorry there are no girls here okay sorry sorry when michelangelo uh said uh when he carved the david the statue of david and he had this piece of marble and he said, and this is a great metaphor for art. He

said, it's already in there. I just had to get all this shit out of the way. And he said, that's how you should look at yourself as a human being. You're born and you acquire a lot of shit as you're, as you're growing up. Right? So as you grow up, a lot of shit's put on you, uh, your family, uh, how they define you, what they, what they do to you to you, school, high school, the trauma of school, the grief you go through, you know, your body isn't what you wanted, the losses and stuff, and you put on a lot of stuff. You come to the world when you're ready to take it on at 30 with a whole lot of fucking baggage. And a lot of it's negative, you know. And the job then is to figure out a way to get that stuff off you to shed that stuff and get back to who you really are, the authentic you. And that to me is at least as a comic,

and as somebody who writes and stuff, that's, that's all I think about now. You know, what is what is how honest can I truly be with my expression? Even if I'm being silly and like talking about saving a whale, there's a lot of me in there that I'm, I'm talking about, you know, and especially now the stuff that I'm working on now, just, you know, being a father and things like that and that responsibility and what that really means. And, and, and, uh, with my daughter and, and not being able to show her a part of me, uh, and, and who and who I want. She's going to model the men she dates after me.

So I got to be a fucking, I got to be her hero. I got to be the guy that she actually, I don't want to date the guy I used to be. You know what I mean? So there's all those responsibilities that you start taking on as you get older. But so much of that is, and so much of fucking thought, you know, I got to think, they act like it's an active process. Thinking and being creative is actually learning what not to think about. Because the rest of it comes to you. That's a real philosophy. If you can open yourself up and think of thinking as being more of a channel for what's available to you. That's a very important

distinction. This notion that, see, a lot of people come and say, well, I'm missing something. I'm missing something that I have to add to my arsenal. No. In fact, what you're probably doing is there's something you've got to let go of. And when you let go of that, you'll get what you're looking for or you'll find it. That's a fundamental difference in thinking about things. And I think a lot of times we're taught, hey, you're missing something. You've got to add to your, you've got to put another arrow in your quiver. In fact, you might have, a better advice may be to say, you've got to let some stuff go, man. You're holding on to some stuff.

You've got to let some stuff go. You're still defining yourself along lines that are not helpful to you. You still have people in your life that are not your friends, even though they seem like they are. You still have, you're still doing a job that you hate because it's an excuse to not do, not go for what you really want. There are a lot of things that you should be deleting. You should be taking out of your life. And then there will be room for something that's much better.

That's a very, it's a scary way to think of it, but I don't think we talk about that enough. I don't think that that is something that is given enough voice to. It's definitely something when I get older, I feel myself doing that. Just like deleting shit out of your life

that constantly bugs you. Sure. Like if it's people or friends. I mean, that's one of the biggest things I've been running into lately is just like how many people that I keep in like almost a book. Like, hey, this person's my friend. This person's my friend. But then actually going through it, I'm like, why am I friends with this person? There's a million other people that want to be my friend that I could just start hanging out with that could just take this place and this person's positive.

Yeah, well, watch when people go into a room. Like a lot of times my mother will go into a room and find everything that's dangerous in a room. She'll look at the world and she can see a whole bunch of things that are dangerous. How many times do you watch people talk to their kids and say, be careful, might break your arm, careful of that, don't do that. You're always putting restrictions on people. Now, you've got to do that to an extent with children of course but we grow up with that with that um that kind of guidance and a lot of times they mean well but it's the wrong guidance it's getting in your way you know yeah for sure there's definitely patterns that people can set down early in their life and then continue to follow those patterns and have them not be productive at all.

It's a real dangerous thing about human beings that we operate in patterns. And once a pattern has been established, even if it's completely ridiculous, we'll follow it. Whether it's circumcision or whether it's cutting holes in your lip to stretch it out, to put a fucking plate in it like those crazy women in Surrey. Why do they do that? Well, because a pattern has been established. They just fall right into it. And it can get real weird, man. There can be patterns for cannibalism, the semen-ingesting tribes of New Guinea.

Do you know about all that? How fucking nutty is that? If you don't know, the story behind that just look up semen tribes new guinea and there's no way we could delve into how fucking unbelievably bizarre and twisted it is but there's a whole tribe and not just one but hundreds of them that live in new guinea that they they're feeding kids sperm they're in they're making them suck their dicks and they're fucking them in the ass to make these kids grow older and they even in fact believe some of them believe that the only way that a child develops semen is it has to be planted in his body by fucking him in the ass

wow yeah i mean how did that pattern get going history history is riddled with those kinds of crazy you know i mean charles taylor one of the one of the slogans i just was listening to npr charles taylor was the president of liberia and there was yeah they had i mean charles taylor when he came to power he took uh what's his name uh go they made him eat they made the guy eat his own ears and they videotaped it right what yeah then they killed him they they when they when he overthrew that government uh samuel doe who was the i believe the current president of of liberia he and his henchmen charles taylor was a military guy i think a major in the army or a general and they they had him on a plane and they they staged the coup out on the plane and before they killed him they made

him eat his own ears wow they made him on duane rock johnson he was a you know a bad guy and they made him eat his own ears and i think another part of his body and then they uh and then i think they actually then they castrated him let him bleed out oh but the point is that he was a bad guy and they made him use his ears and I think another part of his body. And then they castrated him and let him bleed out. But the point is that he was a ruthless guy. And he's the one who said to Fode Sanko who in Liberia Let him bleed out on a plane? Yes. What a puddle that must have been. Yeah, I don't know all the details but it was a

very brutal way of coming to power. And Charles Taylor was a sociopath, just convicted in the Hague by the way, just convicted for war crimes and crimes against humanity but he was the one who said the full de sanco who is the the warlord in sierra leone he said you have to brutalize the people so badly that they have no other choice but to vote you in because they're so they're too afraid not to vote for you and that was that was for the cycle we used to go from town to town and said if you voted if you voted for the government, we're going to cut all your hands off. And he cut everybody's hands off.

Oh, my God. Nice guy. And what Charles Taylor said, one of the slogans when he was running for president was, you killed my mother, you killed my father, but I'm still going to vote for you. And it worked for him. It worked for him. It worked for him. That's how insane mind indoctrination can become if somebody is vicious enough to do it or manipulative enough. There was an ancient Japanese story that Duncan told me

about a king or an emperor who hired someone to keep his concubines in line. He hired this famous military advisor to keep his concubines in line. He hired this famous military advisor to keep his concubines in line. Concubine is a prostitute. Prostitute. So he said, if you can keep my concubines in line, then surely you can run my army.

So what the guy did is he stepped up and he said, he clapped his hands and he said, listen to me. I'm going to say, move to the left and you move to the left. Ready? And he claps his hands. he said listen to me I'm gonna say move to the left and you move to the left ready and he claps his hands

They moved to the left but a couple of them moved to the right and some of them don't do anything So he says it I'm gonna say it one more time I'm gonna clap my hands and when I say move to the left you all move to the left So he does it again and again half of them don't pay attention so he takes the emperor's favorite concubine he brings her in front of everyone and he cuts her fucking head off jesus christ and the emperor tries to stop him the emperor runs in and he goes no no not her not her she's my favorite he goes no he goes you cannot win a war if you're not willing to do what must be done right and he goes this is what must be done cuts her fucking And he goes, this is what must be done. Cuts her fucking head off

and everybody. And then he claps his hands and he said, when I say move to the left, you move to the left. Jesus Christ. And they fucking fell in line, man. Everyone fell in line.

They knew that that was his favorite one. That's why he took the favorite one and cut her head off. Right. Because there's certain things you have to do

if you want to run shit. Right. And that's one. And this is a, that was, you know, a true military move. Well, what's interesting about, that's interesting about that's how every society was ruled, especially with the Romans.

The Romans basically, in this book Extreme Fear, the Romans literally just trained their army in constant warfare. Their training was constant. And their battles were as simulated. Their training was as close to reality as they could simulate they were a very hard group one of the reasons being when you want to if you if you want to be ready for combat you know you know this from mma you you better be you better be training like in in situations that mimic combat as close as you can we all know this but but uh one of the

things that's interesting about that way of ruling, which was always by the sword and with extreme measures, was that the political experiment that happened in this country 250 years ago in Philadelphia, the drafting of the Federalist Papers and the Constitution, was in fact completely the opposite. It was the notion that, in fact, you as a ruler were the servant of and for the people. And that was what was such a radical notion, this idea that there was not going to be a king, an all-powerful king. It's why when George Washington said, I don't want to be king. I am not a king. We are not going to have a king in this country. We're going to have a president who's voted in by the people. At that time, it was white landowning people, but it was still a radical notion. The kernels of that began

in England, where the king actually had to start listening to the parliament. But it was such a radical notion that you had a group of people that were not military that didn't have guns yet they had they had the authority um that the balancing power of the authority to to make laws to raise taxes to pass taxes but they were ultimately at the behest of the population they were serving. Never been done before. And what it gave rise to was the strongest, most innovative country in the world. In a lot of ways,

if you talk to political philosophy, people who are political, you know, people who make politics alive, that experiment solved the political problem. They solved the political problem. They solved the political problem. No one ever argues about the fallibility of the Constitution. It's always a question of how you interpret it. But we always stay within the confines of the Constitution, which is kind

of amazing. And it's such a radical difference. Like, that is how you control people. It is how you control people. Look at Russia. Russia's run by a group of ex-KGB guys who are all military guys. Their one resource is oil. They have a lot of money. When was the last time you saw anything come out of Russia, like a car, like a computer, or even clothing? What innovation has ever come out of Russia? Nothing but minerals, nothing but oil.

You know why? Because that kind of thinking, that kind of brutality, that kind of might makes right, actually, at the end of the day, makes a country weaker. Doesn't make it stronger. They were so good with rocketry, though.

They were amazing. It's amazing how far ahead they were when it came to the space race. It's really incredible. Oh, you mean the Soviets? Yeah, the Soviets. And what's fascinating is also how their designs were parallel to what Wernher von Braun and NASA was doing, but yet different, like different sort of setups with the rockets.

They had a little bit of a different thing, though. The Soviets, first of all, had a very rich tradition of art and literature and culture. And they also, you know, back in the day, communism for a lot of Soviets, a lot of Russians, was an idealistic, was an ideology they really believed in. And so there was, for a long time, a real communal effort. There was this notion that we as a country are not only doing the right thing, but we're going to beat the American, the imperialists at their own game. Well, they, what I was going to say is they really are very innovative when it came to

certain aspects of technology. Mike Swick, uh, you know, Mike, the guy out of San Jose, the fighter UFC guy, really good dude, um, was working in a U. embassy in Russia a long time ago. And he said they found, like, they would find, like, little hearing devices and shit that the Russians had put into their stuff to look at them and to listen in on them. And one of them they found was powered by the swaying of the building.

They had never seen anything like it. You know what, though? They had to, like, back-engineer this fucking thing and go, like, what? If you look at, though, the Cold War and what won the war was the fact that the Soviets ultimately actually, from a technological point of view, first of all, they stole.

Remember, they stole from the Rosenbergs. The guys that were put to death by, I believe, Truman. The couple that sold the Soviets the weapon, the technology for the nuclear weapon. Really? Yes. Is that what it was? The Soviets got the bomb from us through espionage.

But having said that. Why did I read some? Did I read something about that being a bad decision? Well, the fact that Truman put them both to death. What the hell is that? I can't believe I'm blanking. The Rosenbergs? I can't believe I'm blanking on their name. Check your X-Flex. It's the Rosen is that? I can't believe I'm blanking. I can't believe I'm blanking on their name.

Check your X-Flex. It's the Rosenberg. I can't believe I'm... It's Rosenberg or Rosenberg. You got an iPad. It was a couple that sold the Soviets the secrets, the secret to the bomb. And that started the arms race.

Julius and Ethel Rosenberg? Yes, thank you. And they were put to death for selling the Soviets the bomb. And the Soviets got a lot of their technology, not from within their own laboratories, but from other places, and then worked on it. But one of the things that the Soviets lost, like, for example, their MiG fighter jets,

couldn't fly as high or as fast. You know why? They couldn't come up with the kind of steel. When you deal with fighter jets, it's all about what kind of temperature-resistant steel you can come up with. jets it's all about like how how what kind of temperature resistant steel you can come up with that way you can burn hotter and our f-14s and f-16s f-15s or whatever could burn fuel at a much higher temperature without melting the metal so we could fly higher and faster they couldn't keep up with us have you heard about this new thing that

went what is it 180 times faster than the speed of sound, Brian? What was this new experimental craft that they had? I didn't hear. You didn't hear about this on Twitter? No. Dude. What is this? It's some new NASA spacecraft that they've developed.

It's a drone right now. But it went 100,000, some insane miles per hour. Let me give you the exact. This is what raises all kinds of questions. Did you see that cheetah? That fucking mechanical cheetah that they're going to put guns on? It runs like a cheetah. It runs like.

I mean, robotics. The DARPA robots? Yeah. It's like Transformers. Dude, robotics are. We're going to have like all kinds of crazy shit. It raises a lot of questions, man. I don't know.

Yeah. Like in other words, when we get that good at killing, what does that questions, man. I don't know. Yeah, I gotta find this drone. When you get that good at killing, what does that mean, right? So that drone, that would be pretty much as fast as a bullet, wouldn't it? This fucking thing apparently went so fast that it peeled the skin off of it. What? Wow.

Yeah, they anticipated that the speed was gonna peel some of it off, but apparently it peeled all of it off. Peel, skin. Yet another device where we're not going to need soldiers anymore. That's my joke where I go, the war hero in 20 years is going to be the chubby dude

with huge thumb muscles. Smells like Doritos and weed because he's working toggle switches. Oh, yeah. You think about how good guys get at video games where it's so frustrating to play them. Imagine if those guys are in control of like some sort of a death machine with no lag time. So that means Korea wins, right?

It's a hypersonic glider. And then what they're saying is the skin was peeled off by the speed of this fucking thing. This is incredible. This is another DARPA project. DARPA, they're so scary. Well, dude, you know,

video games are responsible. Some people made that thing. Video games are responsible for Top made that thing Video games are responsible For top gun fighter pilots And for SWAT team guys You get these 16 year olds That come in And they can fly a plane

After learning a little bit On the simulator As well as any top gun Fighter pilot Or shoot more accurately Than the best sniper You know why? They've been playing

Fucking gun video games And fighter pilot shit Since they were 3 years old Yeah So they just They have that hand eye coordination Yeah the ability to aim at things there was a shooting in a school where the kid shot eight kids in his classroom and none of the SWAT team when they looked at the what

happened he was shooting kids in the head as they were running and catching them in headshots squeezing them off and they were like we don't have anybody who can do that i mean that that's kind of a physical impossibility thing he but the lag thing. But the kid had been doing that. He'd been shooting whatever. On the internet. Yeah. So by the time he was 16, he was an expert with a gun. I wonder if there's going to be less car accidents because of video games for kids. Or I wonder if you were to go back like 10 years.

Like if they have better hand-eye coordination? Yeah. Yeah, it makes sense. Yeah, cars are also going to be communicating with each other. It's a physical thing, though. You know, especially when you're shifting gears and stuff. So this thing went 20 times faster than the speed of sound. What? Fast

enough to fly from New York to Los Angeles in 12 minutes. Hold on, I'm going to tell you how fast that is. 750 miles an hour is the speed of sound. It went for 9 minutes. It flew. And apparently this thing could go from New York to LA inA. in less than 12 minutes.

My fucking God. What was that? It could go to New York to L.A. in less than 12 minutes. It's 2,000 times faster than the speed of sound? 20 times the speed of sound. Okay, and you know how fast that is? That's 15,000 miles an hour. Wow.

Actually, 13,000. 13,000 miles an hour. That's what this thing,000. 13,000 miles an hour. That's what this thing is saying. Okay. The result gaps in speed. So it's actually a little less than 20 times. Well, you know what? Actually, I think it's capable of more than that.

I think what they're saying is at 13,000 miles an hour, the skin peeled off of it. 13,000 miles an hour? Oh, my God. 13,000 miles in an hour? What are you talking about? Jesus Christ. Think about how fucking fast that thing would be. It flew to New York in how long? 12 minutes. From where?

Well, it couldn't make it because it burnt to death in 9 minutes. Yeah, what's the fuel? Adderall? I don't know. Adderall? It's coke. It runs on coke. Yeah, exactly. What if they found that cocaine was like the best fuel ever? Well, in some ways it is.

And you could use it to get to the moon, no problem. For a little while it is. To slow burn. For a little while you feel invincible. If you figured out how to put it into some sort of an engine that made a combustion that's only possible with cocaine. Well, that's the thing. It's like trying to come up with fuel that really is that way. I guess we are.

Well, we're going to have to because we're going to run out of fucking oil. It might be 100 years from now. It might be 50 years from now. Yeah, but eventually. It looks like it's going to run out. The cars are already running. I mean, I got a Prius. You don't even have a car, sir.

It's a dishwasher. A man who's so manly, why do you not have a Shelby Mustang? Why don't you come with me? Come with me to the dealership. Let me tell you something. I don't think you know. I don't think you know. I think you're missing out because I don't think you've ever experienced it.

This is like you and I going to buy a game bread pit bull, remember? Yeah, I remember that very well. You and I, the couple of idiots, we go find this complete bad. You know how to drive a stick shift, right? Yeah, yeah. You're going to drive my GT3 when we get out of here. Okay. You have some money.

You should get a fun car. You don't even have to floss. Get a goddamn Mustang GT. Ford Edge. Ford Edge is not what I'm talking about. A Mustang GT? Yeah, they're fun.

They're fun. It's a fucking big V8, 400-something horsepower. Yeah, but I drive too much. I gotta fill it up with gas all the time. So you go to the gas station. It sucks.

It takes five minutes. Don't be a pussy. You know when you need gas and you don't need gas. Get yourself a goddamn manly car. You would love it. You know what you should get? I'm in traffic all the time.

Get a goddamn Dodge SRT8 Challenger. That's what fucking Dub David all has. That's what I'm talking about. 500 horsepower. See? He's happy, I bet. He's got a stickster with a racing thing. Yeah, I bet he's happy.

I was in it yesterday. I got seasick. I got car sick. I bet he was happy, though. Did he look like he was happy? He can't drive slowly. He looked pretty happy, though, didn't he? He cannot drive slowly.

He wants a giant V8. His cars need to be monsters and totally inappropriate. It's perfect. His wheels are that fat. He's enjoying his life. On a Challenger, it's kind of scrawny wheels. He's got the racing. He's got the expensive one.

Oh, the SRT8 racing package. That's great. Those cars, they don't handle that well because it's a big car. It's like more than 4 000 pounds i believe yeah i mean even i have a the shelby gt uh 500 and that's like 3 800 or something like that they're pretty heavy in comparison like the porsche is like 3 000 pounds right porsche is really light and when you get a big heavy car like that it's fucking really hard to make handle but in straight lines in some ways the challenger is like one of the last real old school muscle cars really yeah and the mustang gt you know the the gt500 the shelby it's it's still stupid it's like way too much power for the back

and then the new ones they're coming out with new ones that have 650 horsepower mine Mine has 550, and it's ridiculous. 550. 550, and it sounds majestic. It makes your balls feel good. Like, when you hear the noise, see, I've driven other cars. If I had to pick what's my best car, I would say the Porsche, the GT3, the race car. That's a great car. But it's not as stupid, put a big stupid grin on your face fun. The Shelby's more fun because it's got a big dumb engine.

And when you hit the gas, it goes. It's American. It's American. It's American versus German. It's America. Fuck yeah. It's got low end torque. Like it throws you back in the seat with a.

They should have made. They should have just added balls to it. This challenge is only starts off at 24, and it gets 27 miles per gallon, which is actually really good. Yeah. It's not bad. That car gets 15. It's not 52.

It's a beautiful car. It's a fucking beautiful... Your car only goes 52 if you drive like a girl. It's true. Didn't you tell me that actually it gets not as good gas miles as your BMW or something? Yes, an M3. What?

Not even a regular BMW, if you take it on a track. Oh, really? Yes, Top Gear. I love them to death, those guys out of England. Jeremy Clarkson went around a track, and he had a BMW M3, and he floored it. And the guy tried to keep up with him. No, he had to keep up with the guy in the Prius. That's all he had to do.

tried to keep up with him or he no he had to keep up with the guy in the prius that's all he had to do and the bmw it was much easier for the bmw to keep up like a really easy like a for the bmw an easy pace like 90 miles an hour something like that whereas the prius was fucking struggling to keep it up so the prius actually burnt more gas it's not made for that it's a piece of shit you're a man what about the x you're a man callen x get X5? You're a man, Callan. The X5. Get away from me with that. You need a goddamn Challenger with a stick shift too, you pussy. Don't get the automatic. Stop paying the ass in traffic.

That's what I'm talking about. That's part of being a man. You got to be able to fucking keep it in neutral. Would you really recommend a Challenger though? Fuck yeah. I would recommend one. I didn't know it was this cheap. Dude, I would buy one.

I love a joke that's irrational. It's like, come on. Don't be a baby. It's traffic in LA. Stick shift. Yeah. 500 horsepower. I might buy one of baby. It's traffic in LA. Stick shift. Yeah. 500 horsepower. I might buy one of those when my Mustang leases up.

I might. I might get one of those. I'll fucking buy a horse. Sexy. I'm going to trade my car in. Yeah, that's a good car. If you're going to trade it in for a Challenger, that's a great car. What do you drive, bro?

Chrysler makes solid cars, man. And they're fun to drive. It sounds cool. It's easy to see out of. Give me another car what about get a manly car i can't tell you what you should get what you should get it's like a fucking 911 get a new porsche they have a new 991 oh yeah you don't even have to drive a stick shift they have a dual clutch transmission the paddle shifting really if you got some cash and you're ready

to party it's fun yeah you fun Yeah You don't have to drive Irresponsibly either No I know Even just merging on the highway I drove Arnold Schwarzenegger's old Porsche Because my buddy Had it in his lot

And I was like In first gear the whole time I can't go anywhere It's traffic Yeah Well you know You're going to get A little bit of that

But you can If you want to buy a new car You can get a car That has a dual clutch But it was my feeling I bought the 335 IBMW It's a great car i couldn't drive it though you know i was just always i could never open it up as i was it just felt like it was it wanted to go and i couldn't i felt like i kept i was keeping a dog in a cage really because i i have the m3 and it always feels that's like my favorite yeah but you live where you live out there you can you got some open road

too yeah but even if you don't you know i, I think the modern transmissions. You love cars, dude. I do. I'm fascinated by them. Yeah. I love technology, and my favorite technology, like interactive technology, is cars. Why is that, do you think? Because they're connected. Well, first of all, because I'm an idiot, and I see these amazing things like computers,

and I'm like, who the fuck? How is this possible? Who is doing this? How are they making this? Even what they do with the Mustang, I love the fact that they've taken this really shit design. It's a live axle car. It doesn't even have independent rear suspension. What does that mean?

It means the back rear tires act on one giant axle as opposed to a much more modern car like the Porsche has active independent suspension. So if you go over a bump with the right the the right absorbs it the left doesn't it keeps you planted to the ground better if you hit a bump in the shelby your fucking whole ass end goes up in the air it's a stupid design but they've taken it to the the utmost limits like they've really done the best job to harness like it's like driving a bodybuilder it's like it's not it's not like an mma fighter it's like just a huge fucking body it's a gorilla it's a gorilla. It's a gorilla that just wants to stomp on the gas.

It can corner. Especially the coupes. The convertible's a little flip-floppy, but the coupe is pretty stiff. They corner really good. You can get them around a racetrack. The new ones have a sport suspension. But just as far as something that's pure

fun. It's pure fun to hear on the like something that's pure fun yeah it's pure fun to hear on the highway it's pure fun to drive around it's hard to beat one of those shelby mustangs just the sound of it it's so satisfying it's like you're driving a goddamn sewing machine man yeah it's true it's it's really even even even the when i bought when i bought that i tell you the story when i went to lease the prius I go in there and I go I want red and the guy goes but you do it's because it's it's it's Barcelona red and he goes you do you sure you don't want black he was trying to talk me I go no I want red please I want a red Prius and please refer to it as the red ram and he's like what do you mean I go it's called the red ram and and he

goes sir your Prius ready I go my what is ready sir, your Prius is ready. I go, my what is ready? He goes, your Red Ram is ready. And I made them all stand there and I drove out with my fingers like this, curled like a ram's horns on the fucking thing like that. And I fucking,

I was like, gentlemen, thank you for your time. And I just fucking rolled out of my Prius like this, like a fucking idiot. Yeah, it's called the Red Ram.

Those challengers are so sexy. Let me see it. Let me see it. Let me see it. You know what? If you want to look up a sick one, dude, look up the SRT8. And I believe they're 45 or 46. That's a good looking car. For their top of the line one.

It's a great looking car. Now, is this Challenger, does this have independent suspension or no? Yes. Yes. Those do. Only the Ford Mustangs don't. It's a really good looking car. That's what fucking Dove has when he has the racing one.

Yeah. The RT, SRT. Yeah. It's a really good looking car. That's what fucking Dove has when he has the racing one. Yeah, the RT, SRT. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Brian, look that up. Look up the SRT8 Challenger. I love the fact that America is finally making cool cars again. For the longest time, all the cars looked like shit. Like even go back to like old Z28 Camaros. They looked so stupid.

And if you compare like the really old ones, like the 1967, 69 Camaros, they were amazing cars, even the 70. They were works of art, bro. Works of art. Amazing when they're done up right, but then something happened in the 80s and the 90s. They were just dog shit, and now they're fucking cool again. I saw a Camaro SS the other day.

Some dude drove by me. I'm like, that is a great shaped car. Right. Look at that shit. Yeah, that's the SRT8. Yeah, that's the most expensive one,

I think. Yeah, it's 46. That's the special speed yellow, whatever the hell it is. Maybe I'll get that one. Fuck yeah, dude.

Are you crazy? That's a fun car to drive around. Greg Fitzsimmons, by the way, just like you, conflicted family man, the whole deal. He,

not that you're conflicted as a family man. Conflicted in your ability to express your masculinity because you have children. He got a Prius, and he wanted this so bad. He wanted a Challenger so bad. He goes, fucking, I almost fucking bought it. He goes, I hate this piece of shit. He goes, and then it doesn't get good gas much

because I drive it like an asshole. He's like stomping on the gas every single time. See, but that's not me. The way I'm a retard is I'll be in the backyard with my buddy Kieran learning different choke holds and learning his brand of jiu-jitsu and boxing. Dude, let me tell you something. That car will make you funnier. You get in that car, it will make you feel like you're having a good time.

That's the car that my car, that rides car, should have been. My rides car was a hunk of shit. It was a beautiful looking car An amazing construction But it would break down constantly Someone said to me Why'd you get rid of it? This is why I got rid of it I was driving on the highway

Going like 70 miles an hour Then 10 minutes later I pull into my driveway And my wheel and suspension Detaches from the frame In my driveway Clank The car goes sideways

What? So I get out the wheel is shoved into the fender the fenders dented and I was like I was just on the highway with this thing like these old cars suck they handle like a rhino on roller skates like a drunk rhinoceros on a fucking ice skating ring that's a great they're terrible they're all designed fucked up they look amazing though they look incredible well this car what these new challenges are is like here's a car you could fucking actually

drive and it actually has real brakes abs brakes it's got a real you know traction management system and it looks the same it's like very similar you know this is the car you're talking about that that challenger it looks just like my car it's. It's so similar to my Barracuda. Although there's something about those old Barracudas where you knew it was all metal. It was just so much more legit. With all that plastic and stuff. It was a gorgeous car. You sold that for probably...

I made some money on it, yeah. And then I just bought the Porsche. It's so much more fun. But if I had to choose one, I would take a Mustang. Because it's fun. It's not the best car. It's not the most refined. The if I had to choose one, I would take a Mustang. Really? Because it's fun. It's not the best car. It's not the most refined. The interior is made out of shit plastic.

Ultimately, it really is about having fun. It's fun. It's about having fun. Yeah. When I hit the gas in the car, and I'm not even talking about going fast, it's satisfying. Even my father, he goes, why are you driving? What is this thing? Yeah, what the fuck is that?

What is it? And Doug Davidoff always says, he goes, they should call it, they should call it, instead of the Prius, they should call it, I won't punch you back no matter what you do to me. Well, the thing is, the reason why I say this is that I know you're not broke. You have money. You're a very successful guy. You do very well. Like, you could get a car like this, and it's an easy choice.

No, I definitely could. I could afford it. It's not irrational at all. I can definitely afford the car I want. I looked at the Audi A5. Cut to Twitter. That's great. Two fucking rich guys talking about what kind of car to drive. It's not about that, sir. It's about seizing

passion. It's about having fun in your fucking life. If you have a car that's a fun car to drive, you can afford it. Only if you can afford it it If you can't afford it It becomes the exact opposite Instead of being this cool thing It becomes this fucking velvet prison You have to drag around with you everywhere

It's slowly sinking you And taking away your time Because you have to work extra hours I've got to say I've had some such nice people on Twitter Say things to you I get such great feedback People are just so nice

I had a guy, I wasn't feeling very good about my one hour special because it was an hour and a half. I wanted to cut it down to 42 minutes for a lot of reasons. It doesn't matter. And I was feeling a little bad.

I was like, oh, I wish I could do it over again. We talked about it. And a guy tweets me, this guy tweets me a video of his one year old daughter laughing her ass off at my special. I was like,

what a fucking great thing to do literally like tweets and the kid is the kid is howling and then you go to me on the screen and come back to her face and the kid is fucking howling at my jokes at like the shit it was such a fucking great tweet i was like what what that's what i love about this you know this this old technology age you can connect to really good people yeah. Yeah, it just brings everybody together. I don't know. Like-minded people. Yeah, like-minded people.

They know you're a nice guy, and nice people are attracted to that. Yeah. The shows that we've been getting at, like I filmed my special in Atlanta a couple weeks ago, the crowds, they're better than any crowd that you could reasonably hope to ever get in your life. I believe it. And they're there at every show. It's like the same kind of crowds at every show. Well, I was in Canada.

I was in Toronto and yuck yucks. And I had a bunch of people that listen to your podcast. So they came out to see me. Oh, by the way, I'll be in Houston, June 14th, 15th and 16th at the Houston Improv. And then I'll be. Yeah. And then I'll be at I'm going to be at Kansas City, Stanford and Sons, June 20th, 22nd. Oh, that guy's classic.

Oh, Craig Glazer? Yeah. He's awesome. Brian Callen, I love you. Come in this week and do some comedy. That's a good Craig Glazer right there. Make me some blow. Fried fried potatoes.

He's the greatest. He's the greatest. He introduced me to a stripper that had a tattoo of a stripper on her back. Yeah. And it looked like a five-year-old had drawn it I mean it was like the worst tattoo of us it was she was such a pretty girl too and then I had this spark moment of like this girl needs to be rescued hardcore that would have been like you could you could totally have

taken she was really pretty yeah but this tattoo was just like this giant like warning sign this there's something really wrong here like this is complete craziness like it was a the tattoo was so bad man like you would have to kill the person who put that tattoo on your body you would have to kill them there's no way you would ever they would not be able to pay you enough in court to make i've never known what to get as a tattoo. That was another thing. It just wasn't me. How about just man class? How about a Prius?

Man class. Man class and then TM. Did you see the picture? Under Prius? Did you see the picture of my man class? Go to briancallin.com and they superimpose my body to look really muscular. Show Joe. Show that.

It's so stupid. They make me look really muscular. How muscular? Body builder muscular? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll see. You'll see. It's so stupid. They make me look really muscular. How muscular? Body builder muscular? Yeah, you'll see. It's so dumb. Why did they do that? Did you allow them to do that?

Yeah, I wanted them to. I wanted two girls to be clutching each leg. And I'm standing with fire. It's so cheesy. It's so cheesy. It looks like the shittiest. Why would you do that? Would it be even funnier if you did it in your underwear?

I wanted to, but we were like, fuck it. know we just had that so creepy looking yeah you look like husamar paul harris look at that you look like some big brazilian guy i just saw i just saw yeah i just saw fabrizio verdum down in venice outside jolina this restaurant man what a stud that guy is yeah he's a fucking stud he's a big boy yeah he's a big boy you don't realize i'm a fucking baboon i'm a fruit thrower i live in the trees when that guy's around he's a silverback i'm literally like yeah fabrizio radum's a bad motherfucker when it comes to jiu-jitsu do you see that fight with roy nelson took roy nelson's back like within seconds of the fight roy threw a big punch missed and fabrizio had his back you're not doing a thing whoa i was just i was watching he was just sitting on the curb actually he was i think he was texting and i and i was a big punch, missed, and Fabrizio had his back. You're not doing a thing with that. Whoa! I was watching him.

He was just sitting on the curb, actually. I think he was texting, and I was looking at him, and I said to my buddy, I go, I think I'm right about this. On the ground, on the ground, there may be one other person on the planet that could actually tap that guy. Maybe. Who knows? Maybe not.

Yeah, maybe not. But what he's great at, man, his fucking guard is ridiculous. He's one of the hardest guys to ground and pound. Like Ryan Parsons, he manages Mayhem, used to manage King Moe and a lot of those guys. He would talk about when they would be training with Fabrizio, like the ground and pound just did not work on him. He was just so good at putting feet on hips and his guard is so active. I mean, he's a fucking top of the food chain black belt. And really good off his back for a giant

man. He's a natural 260. Yeah, he's a big fucking guy. You know? No steroids. He's just a natural 260. It's so good at his dexterity with his legs, like moving his legs. That's why when Fedor fell to his guard, I remember watching it and my eyes went up. I was like,

really? Like, how ballsy is this guy? And then all of a sudden he caught Fedor in the triangle and I was like it. My eyes went up. I was like, really? Like, how ballsy is this guy? And then all of a sudden, he caught Fedor in the triangle. And I was like, he's fucked, man. I'm like, this is not a regular triangle. You are not getting out of that sign. And then when he started breaking his arm, Fedor finally tapped. But watching it, I was like, as soon as Fedor went to his guard, my immediate instinct was like, wow. Like, this guy's crazy.

Like, why would you think that you could get locked up by this dude? And then I thought about it. wow, this guy's crazy. Why would you think that you could get locked up by this dude? And then I thought about it. I was like, he probably never fought anybody like Verdum in his whole life except for Minotauro. And Minotauro couldn't catch him. So he probably felt if Minotauro couldn't catch him, this guy can't catch him either. But that's how good Fabrizio Verdum's guard is.

Probably the best heavyweight guard in MMA. Next to Frank Mir is pretty goddamn good too, man. Frank Mir is great. He's so good at jiu-jitsu, man. He's so explosive, too. And he breaks shit, man. He's like no one has had the record of breaking shit in the MMA world like Frank Mir. Jesus.

Against high-level guys. Almost broke. If Steve Mazzagati had fucked up for one extra second because he missed the tap and he didn't rush it and stop it quick enough, if it had gone on for just a couple extra seconds, that knee could have blown out. It scares me. He broke Tim Sylvia's arm and then, of course, he broke Noguera's arm. He's a big boy, too.

Frank Mayer's a solid 260 now. He's going to fight Mr. Junior Dos Santos. Yeah, in May. Fuck yeah, that's going to be amazing. I can't wait for that fight. I really was hoping to see Overeem. Of course, yeah. Apparently, Overeem says that he took a shot by a doctor.

There was an anti-inflammatory, and it had testosterone in it. He didn't know about it. And this doctor is apparently a very controversial doctor. And the doctor's got in trouble for some things. He did put on 50 pounds of muscle. Listen, it's only 50. It's just 50 pounds of muscle in your 30s. But I'm sure that was all eating a lot of steak and drinking roll milk.

No, horse meat. Is that what it was? Oh, okay. He ate a lot of horse meat. Interesting. Have you ever seen 60 steaks stacked up? Yeah. Go to the supermarket.

Yeah. Go to the supermarket and just stop and think about 60 steaks. It's from pull-ups. It's from pull-ups and rolling jiu-jitsu, dude. What are you talking about? Listen, I don't care how it got there just keep it on it looks great he looks good he's goddamn superhero i met him i met him and talked to him for a brief a little bit and when he was about his brock fight and he had nothing but respectful things listen man all the roids in the world is only going to do you so much good what what does

alistair over him good is that he can fight his fucking ass off. He's a scary fighter. You can talk all the shit you want about his roids that may or may not have taken. He trains hard. He's a very tactical fighter. Skilled fighter. Dude, his fucking fight with Brock was a beat down. That was a good convincing fight to let Brock Lesnar know. He does not want to have any part of any people like that.

When he kicked him in the body, you saw that shin kick to the liver. I don't think in your 30s like Brock in your late 30s or whatever he was, you can't learn how to be a – you can't learn how to strike. No way. Not with high-level guys. No way. He's so ridiculous. And learning to take a punch. He's essentially a blue belt in striking, a big, strong, athletic blue belt. And he's taking on a 10th-degree black belt, taking on a K-1 Grand Prix champion. It's not going to take a punch. He's essentially a blue belt in striking, a big, strong, athletic blue belt. And he's taking on a 10th-degree black belt,

taking on a K-1 Grand Prix champion. It's not going to happen. I mean, Alistair Overeem, as far as decorated fighters in MMA, he's the most decorated striker, period. He won the Grand Prix. Even though Badr Hari wasn't in it that year, he still won the goddamn Grand Prix. No one's ever done that and then been a high-level MMA guy.

It's so impressive. And those Dutch, he came out of those Dutch schools, which are the best kickboxing. Animals. Savages. You're not going to be able to bang with dudes who've been doing that for the past 10 years, and now you're trying. They're so technical, too, man.

The Dutch guys are so technical. You've got to give Brock Lesnar a lot of credit, or anybody, obviously. I have such respect for anybody who gets in that fucking octagon yeah well but it's so it's just it's really hard to it's really hard when I watched him lose to Cain Velasquez and I remember thinking to myself I said it's really hard to meet those hands when you're when you're you can't just you know bang with and protect yourself against a guy who's been boxing that long it's really hard to do you know it's very hard to do especially when you're coming off of fucking surgery to your bowels. Yeah.

And Kane can also. Kane is used. He'll take a punch. You can punch him in the face and he keeps his eyes open. Did he have the Kane fight? Was that fight pre-surgery? How did it go? I believe that was actually.

No, I think that was after. I believe it was. Because he had diverticulitis, right? Right. I think what happened was he had the cane fight and then he was supposed to have another fight. Right. Then realized, when he was supposed to fight Junior Dos Santos, right? Yeah.

And then he realized that he had to back out because of diverticulitis. He almost died, I think. He had 12 inches of his colon removed. God damn. Yeah. The whole thing is just so crazy. He had 12 inches of his colon removed. God damn.

Yeah. The whole thing is just so crazy. The fact that it came from eating meat without fiber and that it can be that dangerous. Yeah. That it can back up inside your body and the walls of your lining of your gut get caked with excess protein. I didn't know that's what it was. It creates abscesses and it can actually eat its way through the wall and the lining of your body.

It's super duper dangerous. And apparently he cleared it up initially with diet and they were worried that he was going to need surgery but he cleared it up with diet. But then as he's training the real heavy high level training breaks your immune system down so much it started coming back. And then they realized this is

a damaged area that's never going to quite fully heal so we have to cut it out. So then they went in there and they cut out 12 inches of his colon and then put it all back together. And he took a shot to his ribs by alice which is like getting hit by a safari jeep yeah okay that's a good way of putting it yeah that's what it's like if you look at the kick to over him foot is pulled towards him which accentuates the bone of the shin oh god and he's just oh my god perfect technique giant legs slamming into your body i was watching i remember watching boss rootin kick a bag at beverly hills

jujitsu this is like literally 12 years ago and i was watching him roundhouse kick this bag and i was just like the power and the force of that guy that just that i was just like i mean boss could hit what an athlete i was just i remember thinking mean, he's. Boss could hit hard. What an athlete. I was just, I remember thinking to myself, getting kicked in the leg or the side with that, you're done. You should see Boss kicking the pads. There's like videos of him kicking the Thai pads. He did it very differently. Like a lot of guys, what they would do is they would hit the pads or hit the bag, and they would sort of like pace themselves.

You know, they'd do a round, but they wouldn't throw everything full blast boss would throw every punch every kick a hundred percent he goes that's what i do a hundred percent he's like you know i start off i can only do 30 seconds so that's what i would do i do 30 second rounds he's another guy who was really good at keeping things light and you know even his fighting like he was always good at just being playful i think that's how he dealt with the pressure. Well, his strategy for training was that. He would do one minute full blast, as much as he could do, full blast, and then he would start adding time onto that.

He'd do a minute and 10 seconds, a minute and 20 seconds. Next thing you know, it's two minutes. Next thing you know, he can go five minutes like a fucking jackhammer. In this book, Extreme Fear, it's really interesting. They do a study, a clinical study of fear and and fear in different forms like fear uh combat fear uh and and and performance fear uh whether you're a performer or whether you're an opera singer you're an actor but mainly athletes and a lot of athletes get that what they call the yips like in in the

middle of their career when they're high level like all of a sudden they can't throw a baseball over a plate yet they're the best pitcher you know and it's because what happens is people start to watch them dan jensen uh i think that's his name the most decorated speed skater of all time he three olympics in a row he he just fucking just kept choking really he kept choking until finally he just gave up he just because he got into his own head and he had to learn how to talk to himself finally he goes fuck it i guess i'll just skate this thousand meter and he apologized to wisconsin ahead of time to say hey guys i'm gonna fucking uh i'm not gonna win this sorry sorry milwaukee or sorry wisconsin and because he gave up and there was no pressure on him whatsoever, he won the fucking gold.

And they talk about how a lot of athletes and a lot of people in general, that fear, that second guessing, that self doubt, when you're working on a high level and trying to be the best at something, is something that you have to come to terms with. And there are psychological techniques in which to deal with it, but it's so interesting to me that human beings that perform on such a high level and have so much success and get so good at something still have dragons to slay they still have fucking psychological dragons to slay it never ends you know when you really have a dragon to slay when you think that

you don't have a dragon to slay that's when you're really fucked and that's what happens to a lot of people they reach a certain point whether it's artistically, whether it's athletically, they reach a certain point where they feel like they've made it or they're beyond reproach or they're not hungry or growing anymore. And stagnation sets in and then mediocrity is coming next. Absolutely. And one of the things I always find with young people, and I think a lot of young people listen to this, is that self-doubt always stops people.

But you've got to realize that successful people, all successful people, have self-doubt. They just learn not to indulge it. They learn to ignore it or they learn to make it, they use it to their advantage. Self-doubt is a human, it's a human emotion. It's there. Not believing in yourself is human. But you can learn how to deal with that that should never stop you from going for things so what if you don't believe in yourself so take the action

anyway take the first fucking step right that's what you see with this and one of the things i think is so interesting is you see people with oh this is great this guy who's this therapist i was he deals with a lot of top ceos like big time fucking people who run huge corporations. And they don't want anybody knowing that they see him, but he'll, he'll, they'll see him and they'll, you know, bill out at 500 bucks an hour or whatever, but he's, he gets results. And I said, what's the over, what's the overriding thing you have to help very successful people with? I'm talking about big time business leaders and, and big time athletes. And you know what he said? He was talking about business leaders. He goes, um, most of them feel like frauds. And I went, really? And he goes, yeah, most of them feel like they don't deserve to be where they are. They feel like they're

going to be found out. They feel generally like they're frauds. Like they just got there by fucking just, uh, the God smiled on them and now they're here and what the fuck do they do and I was like god that's crazy shit you see these people who run entire corporations and in their hearts they feel like like they feel like complete fraud that's you have to have a certain amount of humility to achieve excellence yeah and in in that humility there's gonna come an observing eye upon you that's so critical. Your self-observations are so much more critical than anybody else's observations to you

if you're good at it because you know yourself more than anybody does. You're with yourself 24 hours a day. So a guy like that, of course, is going to look at himself going, you fucking pussy.

You're faking this whole thing. Right. Because really, his way of looking at himself is he's not really impressed with himself. Right. Which is why he's done so well in the first place. Well, I couldn't watch my one-hour special. I fucking hated it's not really impressed with himself. Right. Which is why he's done so well in the first place.

Well, I couldn't watch my one-hour special. I fucking hated it. I went into a funk. I was like, because I know I'm much better than that. You'll start critiquing it. Yeah. Yeah. You got to be careful with that.

You could really fuck your head up. Yeah. Again, watch my old shit. If I watch my old shit, I get disgusted with myself. I'm the same way. Sloppy timing. And I thought I was great. I'm killing the room.

The audience is going crazy. Then I watch it. I'm like, what the fuck is this? You know what's really fucked up, man? Try watching some old comedy. I mean, you're growing and you're getting better, but try watching some shit from like Bob Hope from like the 1950s. Try watching that. It's dated, dude.

My God, is it dated. It's craziness. You know who holds up? You know who kind of holds up? Who? Fucking Don Rickles. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

He holds up. He's still around. Yeah, he's still Fucking Don Rickles. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. He holds up. Don Rickles. He's still around. Yeah, he's still throwing down. He was just in Vegas in April. Jesus Christ. He tweets Don Rickles. Does he?

Yeah, he's a good Twitter. What's his Twitter? He said to Bob Saget, when Bob Saget was doing Dirty Work, he was directing a thing, and he comes to set, and he goes, he comes up to Bob Saget, and he goes, yeah, I'm here to do this movie for you. I understand you're directing the movie. I told Mr. Martin Scorsese, I said I just came from, by the way. I just told Martin Scorsese that you were directing a film.

The man clutched his chest. I'm already following him. It's Don Rickles. I gotta follow him. D-O-N-R-I-C-K-L-E-S. Yeah, he's got good tweets. Don Rickles is a monster. Let's get him on a podcast.

That would be amazing. Yeah, he's got good tweets. Don Rickles is a monster. Get him on a podcast. That'd be amazing. Yeah, he's a still funny old dude. Some guys can keep it up, man. You know, in comedy there's not that many. There's a certain age that a lot of them hit. Very few get to be like George Carlin. He was really funny right till his death. He also decided

somewhere along the line to not just do jokes. He was like, I want to talk about stuff that matters to me. Yeah, and he was so prolific. Look at Don Rickles' latest photo. He has a picture of him and his cat. I mean, Joan Rivers. He's almost 90, dude.

Joan Rivers is not Don Rickles. No, no, no. I mean, his latest photo, she looks like a cat. Oh, okay. There's a photo of him and her in a green room or something like that, and she looks like a puma., okay. Like there's a photo of him and her in like a green room or something like that. And she looks like a puma. Whoa. Isn't that weird looking?

A puma. Dude. Okay. You remember the time. I like her too, by the way. Still doing it. Are you seeing that face, man? Pull that picture up, man.

75 years old. I went into the green room once at the Breyer Improv. And I just arrived. And me and Joey Diaz smoked weed in the parking lot. We just blitzkrieged. That initial rush of intoxication where you're really too hot to be talking. Words are not going to come to you. You're awash in a wave of feeling and weirdness. And I sit down, and I look up, and there's some Joan Rivers reality show.

And I'm looking at her face. I sit down, I look up, and there's some Joan Rivers reality show. And I'm looking at her face. I'm looking at her poor face. And her face is a goddamn mask. It's not a face. Look at that. Come on, Joan. And that's when she's not talking.

But when she's moving, it's all stuffed out there with fillers and stuff that keep your skin from looking wrinkly. You have to stretch your skin out. There's a reason in the Judeo-Christian mythology vanity is one of the seven deadly sins. It's scary. Vanity eats itself. It's a snake eating its own tail. Pull that picture up again, Brian. You're worshipping false gods. Dove and I were talking about that.

What happens to you when you worship false gods? When you worship money, shiny things? when you worship even your own looks. But that's craziness. You run into some fucking problems. Don Rickles is actually a little better looking and a little younger looking in some ways than she is. Oh, well, at least he looks natural. He doesn't offend you when you look at him. He looks like Don Barris' dad.

Yeah, but you look at Don Rickles, you're like, there's a guy. Hi, mister. How are you, sir? But if you look at her, you're like, oh my god, this lady's wearing a mask. That's the craziest thing I've ever seen. She looks like she has a kabuki mask on. Jesus. It's like an Egyptian drawing.

With the nose. She looks like she's fighting G-forces. She's literally falling through the air. And does it make her happy? I don't know. She's obviously working a lot. She's happy to be working. She does a lot of jokes about her plastic surgery.

Yeah, but I think that's one of those people that I think is driven by a hole they can never fill, right? I mean, God bless her. I love her. But I think that she's certainly driven by a sense of her own inadequacy in some way. I heard her documentary is amazing. Yeah, so did I. You haven't seen it? No, but I want to see it Brian it's on my list yeah it's the I heard it was really good but it just doesn't seem

entertaining enough for me I don't know I'm sure it's good I've heard really good things but but it's it's it's like I think that's somebody who didn't who never came to terms with with what who she is she never let go of something right she's still trying to hold on that it's so it's actually a form of madness to hold on to your youth like that is is just mad it's it's actually crazy well it's also it's another pattern you know it's a pattern just like the people that stuff the fucking plates in their lips yeah there's a crazy pattern of plastic surgery that a lot of women engage in and they start getting nips and tucks. Is that her? Yeah, look at how hot she used to be.

Oh, my God. Look at her. She was great. Can you turn it on so we can hear it? Yeah. She was great. All he has to be is clean and able to pick up the check. He's a winner.

You know that. A man can call up anybody in the whole world. Do you know that? Hello, I saw your name in the locker room. I thought I'd give you a quick call. A girl can't call. Girl, you have to wait for the phone to ring, right? And when you finally go on the date,

the girl has to be well-dressed, the face has to look nice, the hair has to be in shape. The girl has to be the one that's bright and pretty, intelligent, a good sport. Howard Johnson's again. Hooray, hooray. Excuse me.

That's actually pretty funny. A girl, you're 30 years old funny right you're not married you're an old maid a man he's 90 years old he's not married he's a catch took gosh yeah look at that yeah look at her she kind of has a Sarah Silverman type kind of feel to her. Bring him along. He's 98. Bring him. He's dead. Bring him. We'll prop him. Just bring him.

We'll say he's quiet. I know what I'm speaking about because my mother had two of us at home that weren't as the expression goes, moving. what I'm speaking about because my mother had two of us at home that weren't, as the expression goes, moving. And I'm from a little town called Larchmont where if you're not married, you're a girl, and you're over 21, you're better off dead. It's that simple, you know? And I was the last girl in Larchmont. Do you know how that feels?

Sitting around my mother's house, 21, 22, 24, having a good time, living, eating candy bars, enjoying myself, but single. And the neighbors would come over and they'd say to my mother, how's Joan? Still not married? And my mother would say, if she were alive. Do you know how that hurts? When you're sitting right there?

When I was 21, my mother said, only a dime. Some of it's a little dated, but some of it's pretty funny. She just, she was. She's sexy. You like that, Brian? She makes you. She's pretty sexy. Would you try to get her a podcast if she was today?

Yeah, I would love to have her on a podcast. No, no, no, that's not what I mean. I mean, if you saw her back then, would you be like, hey, want to do a podcast? Oh, yeah, totally. She would have her on a podcast. No, no, no. That's not what I mean. I mean, if you saw her back then, would you be like, hey, want to do a podcast? Oh, yeah, totally. I'd have her on a podcast. You might hear about me on the internet and come on in and do a podcast. You would try to hit it?

Oh, fuck yeah. I wouldn't, actually. I'd never try to date a comedian now. Really? That's interesting. I would think you would. I think because I see. You have, though, right? No, never, never.

I see the, I love i mean look i love certain comics i like i love sierra tiana she's anybody who ever dated her would be lucky you know um i got a lot of friends like that but um oh but i mean a lot of like i love uh eliza schlesinger she's my friend i think she's i just like her i think that person is funny but you wouldn't want to do no i don't know about that those two girls girls I can see, because they're friends of mine, I can see dating someone like that. So I don't want to say I wouldn't date a comic.

It's rare. I'm watching her. Yeah, I'm just watching her and I kind of, I see a lot of a need to be, an overwhelming need to be loved. And coupled with the fact that that's her first love

when she's on stage, that's a lot to compete with. You know, two comics is tough to make work because you're both coming together like with your own crazy shit. Yeah, you know who it works with? Tom Segura and Christina Pazinski.

They work. Tom Segura, by the way, is a great fucking guy. He's a fucking awesome guy. He's a great... I got to know him recently and we did this mashup, Comedy Central mashup together. He's such a fucking nice, supportive dude

who's genuine. He'll be like, you're fucking hilarious. He's just a great, one of those guys not competing with you. He's not trying to one-up. He's just genuinely happy for you. Yeah, he's an awesome dude. He's a rare gift. We did that whole Maxim comic tour with me and Hefron and Charlie Murphy.

We did it in every town. They had a local guy would go up and do, like, ten minutes. Yeah. And we did it in Phoenix. And somehow or another, Segura was on because he's not really from Phoenix, but he was in the area or whatever. So he went up and I was like, holy shit, this guy's funny. And it was like he was so, like, his timing and his rhythm were so good.

I'm like, how the fuck do I not know about this guy? It's one of those weird things. It kind of weirded me out. How come this guy's not famous? He kind of lets the audience reach for him. That's a different thing. She's controlling the space, and she's going to make you like her no matter what. So Groy just kind of sits up there like, whatever.

I'm just going to talk, and he's fucking hilarious. He's got a big midget bit, though. He does? Yeah. He asked me about it and i was like man really do midgets need more people shitting on them yeah you know well also because i'm friends with brad williams so i don't like yeah i love the guy so you know he's so good or little people rather no you know i would love this dwarves they're midgets yeah and you're not

supposed to ever say midget apparently you ever see that fucking uh the the office the british one where they're like, well, there are dwarves, there are midgets, there are sprites, there are elves. It's like, are they real? Yes, they're real, you idiot. They have this debate about all the different small people. It's fucking, you can YouTube it. It's really, really funny.

Have you seen those people that they found that lived 10,000 years ago that really were tiny people on the island of Flores? No. You've never seen that? No. The Flores Hobbit Man? Really? Oh, my God.

How do you not know about this? Brian, pull that shit up so Brian can look at it. That's pretty wild. Yeah. Apparently, they lived alongside humans as recently as 10,000 years ago. Wow. They found their bodies. Well, it's like pygmies.

It's like the pygmies of the Congo. Something like that. Pygmies are very small. They were totally different. They were a different species of human. They had different, you know, their proportions were different. I always forget that pygmies exist. I know it's weird, but I always forget.

Like sometimes I'll go, holy shit, pygmies are out there. There are fucking pygmies in the deep in the Congo. How tall are they? They're like four feet tall and really muscular. So what do you think happened? Like there was just like that was the best way to be? Like if you're going to be moving around. I think you evolved to your, yeah, you evolved to your circumstances.

Maybe if there's not a lot of food, the ones that survive were smaller. I don't know. It's definitely a genetic mutation. It's a genetic strain of people. They're proportioned. They're not dwarves. They're not midgets. They're small people.

Small people. Have you ever seen the videos of them fishing in the Congo River? Oh, my God. Look at how cute they are. Yeah, that's how tall they were. That's a depiction of them, but there's some better ones. They're actual more technical ones than a dude with a fish over his dick. What's up with that?

That guy over there. The ones in the far right. Yeah, all those. Wow. Fucking, that's weird. No, I meant the one that was right above that, Brian. Yeah, that guy. That's what he supposedly Looked like

How crazy is that He's a monkey Yeah he's much more Monkey like Jesus But it was a type Of human being That's incredible

Yeah apparently There were several Different types of human beings Not just Neanderthals Not just Homo sapiens The real issue And this is the number one issue That other one is him as well Brian

The depiction Brian bring up some pygmies Pull up that fake depiction To the Homo sapiens. The real issue, and this is the number one issue, that other one is him as well, Brian, the depiction. Brian, bring up some pygmies. Pull up that fake depiction to the second from the left. Yeah, that one. That's what he supposedly looked like if it was a real person. Sexy as fuck. If that's a girl, not my type.

He could be at the helm of some British band. You know, some crazy, raucous British band. You are correct. Are you ready to walk new zealand he um or uh they uh they apparently lived alongside a bunch of other ones that what i was going to say is that what's what's really difficult is that everything that dies doesn't make a fossil so they find fossils but they don't necessarily have a completely accurate record of everything that ever lived and they don't know how many holes are missing it's really difficult to tell yeah they found they just found some recent fucking thing some amateur paleontologist found some recent thing that's some seven foot long thing with all these this weird crazy fucking

skin they don't know what it was we've never seen this thing before some new thing that this is the first fossil of it they found. We'll just try to figure out what the fuck it is. Sure. I'm sure there were life forms that just didn't make it. Did you hear about the Titan boa that they just recently found? Yes, I did. Holy fucking shit, huh?

How about a boa constrictor that eats crocodiles? That's the fucking craziest thing in the world. That's a giant serpent. 65-foot-long animal. It's a dragon. Confirmed size. It's a dragon. There were dragons, man. Yeah.

And that's the thing that there's a reason why all those myths exist. Because things like the Komodo dragon, which by the way, will fucking kill you. Hey, how about the fucking Nile crocodile? Yeah. Good luck with those. 28 feet long. Yeah, good luck with a Nile crocodile. Swim for miles out into the ocean.

Yeah. And I talked to a zoologist in Florida about it. They're like, oh, oh, Nile crocodiles will eat a tire. If you throw a tire at it, sometimes they eat the tire. I go, what do you mean? They go, they eat everything. I said everything. He goes, everything.

Oh, my God. They'll grab an elephant by the trunk. There's video of it. Have you seen the video of these dudes in the Congo that got a, not video rather, it was a thing on CNN. There were three adventurers on kayaks and one of them got killed by a crocodile and they're depicting death on the nile and they're just depicting this crocodile jacking them yeah but here's the thing here ready uh i'm not going on the fucking i'm not going on the nile it's like it's like it's like the the thing i do it's like oh the nile

with crocodiles in a fucking kayak nah nah. Nah. I'll go rock climbing. How's that sound in the Andes or in the Rockies? And I won't even do that. Or it's like, how about the woman who got her face eaten by, I was thinking about that. She gets, yeah, hands and face eaten. If you've got a 200-pound chimp just running around the house, I'm not fucking coming over. Yeah. I'll Skype with you, dude.

It's a man creature with six, seven times the upper body strength of a grown man with a three-year-old's brain. That's a bad combination. They said the crocodile was pulling the kayak under like a shake. No.

As it was trying to pull the guy out of it because it turned him over and reached up, grabbed him, and he's still stuck in the kayak. So he's trying to hang on

that the crocodile pulled him and plopped. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. And then just went under the water and they never saw it again. Dude, I don't want any part of that shit. I don't want to die by biting. 20 saw it again dude I don't want any part of that shit

I don't want to die by biting 20 plus feet long I don't want to die by biting it's why I don't go swimming in the fucking Santa Monica Bay because there are great whites

all over they just swim around how's that go this is a cool video of one that was taken right off the Malibu coast by a helicopter saw it

crazy just swimming around I know all about the Santa Monica Bay and great whites thank you I'm old Taken right off the Malibu coast by a helicopter. Saw it. Saw it. Crazy. Just swimming around. I know all about the Santa Monica Bay and Great Whites. Thank you. I'm old. I'm like, saw it. I'm obsessed. I know of a couple of deaths, and they haunt me.

One of them was a guy that was in, they were training for a triathlon, and so they were swimming in the ocean. And there was something, there was quite a few of them, and one guy got bit in half by a Great White. Yeah. And that was right off of San Diego. And then recently in Santa Barbara, I think last year, a guy got bit in half again. Yeah, because he was surfing in water.

He was bodyboarding. He was bodyboarding. And guess what? Well, what they found was on that geo that in the Santa Monica Pier at any given time, I think it's during the fall there are there are as many great whites there as anywhere in the world that's where they come to breed so they're all they're swimming among the pylons all right oh guess who's not going swimming in that water christ that's scary i'm not going in that water if you had if you had if

you had to choose one animal to die by what would it be I would say a big cat because they kill you quick. Yeah, because they know where their juggler is. Yeah, you would just go out. I'd go hamster. You'd go right out.

It's like being choked. You know how bad it would take for a hamster to kill you? I asked Chris D'Elia. They'd have to tie you down and fill the hamster up with steroids.

I asked Chris D'Elia and we're all coming up and Chris D'Elia goes, ants. I go, dude, that would be terrible. He goes,

I don't care, I'm brave. He just walked away. I was like, you fucking asshole. Well, you hear about what ants do? One of the things they do is they kill elephants. They climb up the elephant's leg and they go into his ear and they start eating the elephant from the ear, from the inside of their ear. This is what, you know, I have the 10-minute podcast that I do with Will Sasso and Chris D'Elia.

If you guys want it, it's called the10minutepodcast.com. And this is the kind of shit we talk about. We pick a topic like this and we just fucking talk about it. And it's 10 minutes. And if we don't finish the topic, the music's down and we're fucking done.

The music starts in a minute. It's great. It's been really fun. That's a fun thing to do like on a commute, like to listen to on your way to work. That's why we've been doing well because we get together.

Will and I said, let's do a podcast, but let's make it only 10 minutes. That's really smart. Yeah. And so that's what we've been doing. And calling it 10 Minute Podcast is smart, too. It's called the 10 Minute Podcast, and you go to 10minutepodcast.com, you can download

it. Yeah, that's- And killing it. That's a funny idea. Yeah. But ants, I think ants are the number one killer of any animal in Africa. I believe that's true. I don't know.

I don't know. I know that ants, there's more ants. I think mosquitoes are from malaria. More weight from malaria. There's more weight per ant or commensurate rate as is human beings. Total body mass.

I believe it. That's insane. Yeah. Think about how much bigger a person is than a fucking ant and they weigh, if you added up all the weight of all the ants

and all the weight of all the people, it would be basically the same. Makes sense. Somebody said something interesting about, like, if you took, this is what's really interesting about, they said, this biologist was saying, if you took all the ants and you killed, if you killed all the ants on the planet, life on Earth would cease to exist in about five years, as you know it,

because ants are such an integral part of the ecosystem for a thousand reasons. Isn't that amazing? If you took all the humans and you got rid of them on this earth uh life would go on even just the ecosystem would be totally intact in five years you know it's just kind of an interesting distinction where how much more important in some ways ants are to life on this planet than humans now why is that like because ants are such an integral part of the ecosystem whereas human beings are actually in a lot of ways an intrusion on endocrine structures and all kinds of things that require sustainable life.

Look what we've done to the environment as it stands just by living. This inexorable rise of human flesh pushing and fucking, you know. But why ants though? Just because they. Well, ants are like a very important part. They provide food and aeration and all kinds of things. I don't know what the you know, I'm not a biologist, but it was just a kind of a really interesting distinction to think that ants in a lot of ways as a whole are way more important and actually crucial to life on on planet Earth. Whereas human beings, if you got rid of every human being, life on planet Earth would probably carry on really, really well.

human being, life on planet Earth would probably carry on really, really well. You know? It's just a, it's kind of a humbling, it's a humbling kind of concept. Ants kill 30 people per year. 30 people. 30 people every year. More than weed. Well, bees, I'm sure bees, bees kill a lot more people, I'm sure. You think so?

Yeah. People are allergic to bees. Oh, yeah, that's right. And wasps and things. Aren't people allergic to... probably fire ants right do you know how they in australia you know they get rid of crocodiles in an area it's really wild they'll they'll just kill a shitload of them in one area and then crocodiles will avoid that area for the next five ten years really they can smell the death there they even if they're when the carcasses are removed. They'll shoot a bunch of crocodiles in one area,

and they'll keep doing that, I don't know for how long, and then crocs will not go to that area. How many people do you think hippos kill every year? That, they say, kills more people in Africa than any other animal because you get in the way of a hippo in the water, and you're fucking done. Take a guess. I don't know, but my guess is, all right, I'll give you my guess.

And then we're going to Google how many people die by a snake bite in India, which is about 20,000 from what I heard, which is actually an inflated figure because a lot of times

when you brain your wife in a village, you blame it on a snake. Having said that, I'm going to say that the number of people in Africa killed by a hippo are upwards of 500.

2,900 annually. What? That's the that's as many people was killed with 9-11 practically 1,900 people annually that's as many people that were almost are fucked up by hippos what they're very aggressive, and have no fear of humans. People die most often when they get between a hippo and deep water or between a mother and her calf. That's a bitch to be in the way of. They're monstrous. They're so huge. And they can run faster than you can.

And they'll crush you. Yeah, they bite you in half. And they'll chase you down. They'll chase you down. And they'll bite your head and kill you. They'll bite your whole body in half. They bite crocodiles in half. They're so powerful. There's a. They bite crocodiles in half. They're so powerful.

There's a photo of a guy running in Africa. He's running full clip down the street, and a hippo's chasing him. And in that photo, this poor fuck, I don't know what happened to him, but you see in that photo what really is going on. You see this monster from a movie. It's like from that movie Relic. Remember that movie Relic with Tom Sizemore? This crazy monster comes out of the Amazon. That's what a movie It's like from that movie Relic Yeah Remember that movie Relic with Tom Sizemore This crazy monster

Comes out of the Amazon Yeah that's so primal That's what a hippo's like Yeah It's so primal Human beings You know what Being eaten for a human being

Is actually an instinct With children When you take an infant And you go In their face Yeah They'll scream and cry Of course

Because that's a primal fear for us Yeah It goes back to our genetics Our ancestry 100% And hippos are about As primal fear for us It goes back to our genetics 100% And hippos are about as primal as you can get A big stupid giant muscle bound animal That's a rhino Oh is it poop

Oh that's hilarious Wait can you bring up that picture of the hippo Yeah see if man running from hippo See if you find that That's hilarious Oh that's Ace Ventura. Rhino birth. Oh, this is so silly.

Is this the new Ace Ventura or is this the old one? Isn't there a new, aren't they going to do a new Ace Ventura? I think they're doing a new Anchorman. A new Anchorman.

A new Dumb and Dumber, right? Yeah. What happened to him? He kind of got bored of making movies? Jim Carrey? Yeah. Probably just like

overdosed on pussy. Yeah, and money. And money. Wasnenny mccarthy for the longest time yeah that takes a lot of time yeah look at that poor guy oh my god jesus christ there's a couple photos too it's not just this one there's another one where the thing is actually on the road could you punch it in the nose good luck oh my god look at the size of that they throw some marbles look at the size of that thing's fucking head look at images yeah the one on the far left brian oh yeah look at that my god poor fuck are you fucking kidding me oh my look at the head on that thing and look at the guy's just in the air he's running so fast he's in the air yeah that would be me right on that would be me that you're well well

you know what very people few people have ever had to run for their lives and that's that's you running for your life oh yeah that is legit running for your life the upper left one is terrifying that one right there because it's like he's making the turn look at the eyes on it oh my god it's so close to that poor guy that thing is gonna fucking kill him i hope it didn't look at oh he snuck up on it the stupid fuck he's a gamekeeper look he he was like walking near it oh and then all of a sudden the thing turned on him oh jesus this is some of the most frightening photos on the internet i'm not doing that shit if i see a hippo i'm running it's like when i was down they had they brought a lion on set they brought lion. Guess who was fucking hiding in his dressing room?

Literally, I was like, yeah. You don't know how to control a lion. It was a male lion that they modeled the Lion King after. 525-pound male lion. Guess what? And all the other actors are like, oh, that's so neat. They're like, want to pet it. And they're like, oh, yeah, he's fine.

The trainer, he's got a ponytail and a fucking, you know, safari outfit on. What the fuck are you going to do when Mr. Leone decides, oh, your food, nothing. Oh, my God. That's so scary. I hid. That's such a scary fucking animal, dude.

Oh, my God. And the idea that it could just snap at any moment. There's a lot of goddamn YouTube videos. It's like, do you not go on YouTube? Do you not see these animals that are being held by the trainers and all of a sudden they just lash out? I was in Alaska with my dad.

What is that picture? What is this picture? It's giving birth to something. Oh, that's a hyena eating its ass out. That's a hyena eating a hyena eating a hippo's asshole.

That's what it's doing. Have you ever seen the videos of lions eating hippos? They just climb on them and start biting them? Yeah, I also saw the video where the hippo

bit the lion in the head and killed it. Crushed it? Yeah. How hungry do lions have to be when they want to eat a hippo? Very hungry. It head and crushed it yeah um how hungry the lions have to be that way they want to eat a hippo very tough times man yeah man that's not easy life on the serengeti people complain about hollywood people complain about having a job jesus christ right look at look at what some life forms have to go through yeah and it's amazing when you look

at africa africa has always fascinated me because out of all the really places on earth where there's just an overwhelming amount of dangerous monsters, it's Africa. I mean, Africa has everything. They have Nile crocodiles. They have great white sharks. They have lions. They have hippos. They have hyenas. They have poisonous snakes.

Ostriches kick the shit out of you. They're mean cunts too. We had them in a set of Fear Factor They try to bite you man Dude I was in I was in Indonesia In the rainforest They got wasps

With like three abdomens Orange fur Oh my god Fucking you can see the stingers And they're just hanging out One got caught in my sister's hair And you know usually As a brave guy

You kill the wasp That's in your sister's hair I fucking ran for the hills I was like have you seen this new wasp they discovered that looks like a goddamn science fiction movie no they scare the fuck out of me though brian pull up pull up new giant wasp discovered you're gonna well that's what you get in indonesia i was playing with a snake with a stick and bruti galdikas a woman she goes, if that thing bites you, young man, you'll be dead in a half hour and we're six hours upstream on a boat

from the nearest hospital. If you Google it, Brian, there's a crazy photo of one. It's as big as the guy's hand. Yeah, I don't want to. Look at this thing.

Yeah, no, no thanks. Yeah, that's got mannable, so it bites you and it hump stings you. And if you go,

if you go back, Brian, to do an image search. Dude, how about the Death Star Scorpion? Death Star Scorpion. Look at the size of this fucking thing. Why is that in the guy's hand?

Jesus Christ. What is he doing with that thing? Look at the size of that thing. That's a Japanese yellow wasp, I think. A hornet, you mean. Yeah, that's a Japanese yellow hornet. Have you ever seen the video? Yeah, they kill bees.

They'll kill 30,000 bees. Yeah, a whole hive will be coming and they just chop them in half. Six of them. Six of them will bite. I'll kill 30,000 bees. Yeah, a whole hive will be coming. They just chop them in half. Six of them. Six of them will bite. I'll kill 30,000 bees. Six of them. Do you know how they kill them?

Yep. They surround. Who are you talking to? Who are you talking to? Let me finish your sentences. You mean when they cover them and flap their wings and the wasp dies of heat? Yeah. You might have told me that.

Well, because they send a scout in. The scout goes flying around. He goes, oh, look, a hive. Let me drop some scent here. Be right back. Have a good day. And they go back and then they come back with six fucking just. Murders.

It's like all of us hanging out having tea and helicopter gunships come in and just go. And you're like, what is that? Do you want some more milk with you? And you get fucking blown to bits. Well, you know what it really would be like is if we were just hanging out and giants came into town and just started eating us. Biting your head off. Biting your head off and throwing your body down

and grabbing another one and biting your head off. I'm bored with this. Do you think there were ever giants? I don't know. Is that possible? I know I want a giant. I want a pet giant. They're very loyal as long as you don't feed them meat.

If you see movies with giants in them, you got to wonder like, I wonder what the biggest person ever was. Well, you know, Andre the giant was 525 pounds. But I mean like giants. I mean like 20 feet tall. Well, I don't think anatomically the body can really work, but I love this conversation. It's my favorite. Joe, look at the screen.

Why can't it work? Two guys. Oh my God. Look at this thing running at them. Oh shit. That, my God. Look at this thing running at them. Oh, shit. That's fucking scary. Hit the Jeep, dude. Are they really slowing down?

That made me scared. Why are they shutting the engine off ever? Alex, all right? You know, it's really horrible to watch somebody it must be terrible well with that one with it it goes after the lion what is that in the lower right hand side that's a water buffalo did you see the one with the lion

honey badger and a lion oh yeah look at these lions trying to bring down this hippo oh this is so crazy I love this song this week on hippppo Attacks. And this guy's just sitting there in a fucking truck taking video of it. Well, you know, animals a lot of times won't bother you.

Whatever, man. When David Blaine, if I can get David Blaine on this thing, ask him to show you his video of him swimming with gray whites. That guy's a strange cat, man. He has a legit record for for holding your breath, right? Yeah, he's held his breath on Oprah for 17 minutes. How is that possible? He talks about it on TED.com. He tried to do it as a trick and realized he couldn't do it.

And then he said the craziest trick of all is if I really did it. And he started training for it. And he did a 15-minute lecture on TED.com about how he broke the world record holding his breath. And it's fucking amazing. You should watch it. Jesus Christ. He also caught a bullet in his mouth but yeah he puts a steel cylinder in his mouth and i said and he had his buddy bill kalush actually shoot because bill shoots and he just trusted bill he didn't move and bill shot a fucking shot that's 22 right into his mouth do you think it would be he's always been obsessed with like like human suffering and

going beyond the physical do you think it would be possible for him to like swallow a oxygen container and then have a tube coming he tried into his mouth he tried he tried it he tried it he even went he even tried to get surgically try to get a breathing tube stuffed down his throat that nobody could see it just didn't work you see him you see him on the operating table whoa he's pushed his body operating table if they opened him up you gotta watch try to put a tube in there and they said all all right, fuck this. Go to TED.com, TED.com and watch David Blaine. He's been David Blaine and he talks about it. So then it's not a trick. No.

That's so crazy. He actually held his breath. He actually held his breath for 17 minutes. Well, didn't he do a lot of shit that wasn't a trick? Didn't he stand in ice in Times Square for days? Yes, but what bothered David was that when David would spend all this money and time doing a great trick that took him like a year to perfect and it was for like entertainment

to make people feel good. By the way, he didn't take any, he doesn't let anybody sponsor him. And then he finally let Target sponsor him and only if Target gave that money to underprivileged children. They could all have a shopping spree. So David was actually not making any money off this shit

because he wouldn't like he turned i think it was coca-cola one of the soft drink companies down they wanted to give him a million dollars to do what to promote it to soda and he said it's bad for you i'm not going to do it wow so he that uh you know that he was offered the the the believe that chris angel did in in vegas that was his deal they offered him $250 million to do that fucking thing and he said no. He didn't want to be a Vegas act.

Wow. So David is a really, David's one of those guys who just, he does not. Penn and Teller are a Vegas act though. They're pretty badass.

They're great. They pull it off. How do they pull it off? He just doesn't want to do it. He probably doesn't want to do all those shows too. He doesn't want, he also doesn't want to be,

he's just a really particular guy that way. So what does he do? He like puts together specials and then like does it? What happened, he's just a really particular guy that way. So what does he do? He puts together specials and then does it? What happened was he would do a show. He'd spend all his time on it. And then Fox would say, look at all, they'd come out with a special called Behind the Magic. And they'd say this is how he did it.

And a lot of times they did it wrong. That's not how he did the trick. That's not how he did it. So they would lie. They'd fucking lie and they'd say this is how he did it. When David was like, that's not how I did it So they would They would lie They'd fucking lie And they'd say This is how he did it When David was like That's not how I did it No you're wrong

But it would ruin It would ruin the trick It took all the magic out of it It just made him feel bad Right It was just like Fucking what are you doing It's like

Why is that entertainment You know the whole point It's an illusion So was that when he started Doing these endurance feats Yeah but I've known him since he was 17 He was always

Always obsessed That's awesome Yeah he was 17. He was always, always obsessed. Yeah, he was awesome. Yeah, he was always obsessed with Houdini. And David had a tough childhood, you know, and went through a lot. And I think had to learn how to deal with a lot of things that he wanted that he didn't get. And he had to be very stoic growing up. You know, I don't want to betray anything because if you get him on there,

he can talk and speak his mind. But David did not have an easy childhood at all. So he holds the record for holding his breath for 17 minutes. What else did he do? Didn't he do something where he stood on a block of ice for like three days or something crazy?

Yeah, he's always been obsessed. What did he do? He was in a block of ice. For how long? I think it was like three days or something. But that might have been a trick. I don't know. Sometimes it's a trick.

Yeah, I would imagine. Although when I was hanging out with him, he was walking around in a t-shirt in the middle of July, I mean February in New York to get used to the cold. Really? Yeah, to get used to the cold. So he was conditioning his body to deal with extreme hunger and extreme cold. He does these things.

I hope when he's here, ask him to show you. I don't want to give this away, but ask him to show you his great white video. Ask him to show you what he did with great whites. What would he do? Oh, it'll blow your fucking mind. It'll blow your mind. Nobody's really done it. He's a weird guy, man.

It's a weird way to make a living. Yeah. Holding your breath the longest. He likes going to extremes. He's an extreme dude. He's the real deal. Does he have any children? He called me today.

He just didn't leave me a message. Does he have any children? He does. He has one child now. Is this a recent thing? Uh-huh. I wonder if it'll change how he does these things. He's a very loving guy, so I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

You could probably make that kid disappear if it doesn't work out. Exactly. No, he's a really loving person. He was encased in a massive block of ice located in Times Square. Lightly dressed and seen to be shivering, even before the blocks of ice sealed around him, a tube supplied him with air and water while his urine was removed with another tube. There you go. Wow. CNN confirmed that thousands of people braved the pouring rain Wednesday to catch a glimpse

of Blaine as workers cut away the ice. Wow. Thousands of people out there in the rain watching this guy fucking in a block of ice. There you go. He removed the ice and he was obviously dazed. Wow. Well, this is a dazed and disoriented state, wrapped in blankets, taken to the hospital immediately because doctors feared he might be going into shock. Yeah. Wow. Well, this is a day's in disoriented state, wrapped in blankets, taken to the hospital immediately

because doctors feared he might be going into shock. Yeah. Yep. Wow. That may or may not have been a trick. Who knows? I said it took a month before he was able to walk again. Yeah, he went through some shit.

That's so nuts. He's got this awesome crucifix on his back, like this incredible rendition. He just has always been obsessed with that sort of human suffering and that's going beyond well this is just that thing you know someone that someone can do something that you can't do yeah you know someone's willing to do something that you can't do right didn't he try to do something in london though and they started mocking him yeah he was in a he was suspended in a bridge in a glass case uh with nothing but water for like 14 days or something.

That was in London, right? Yeah. It was when Chris Rock was like, we got a trickless magician. He's living in a box with nothing. That's called the projects, motherfucker. Come to my neighborhood. I'll show you. It is true, too.

It's so ridiculous. That's a dumb one. I haven't seen Chris Rock in a while. He kind of takes long hiatuses. I think he stopped doing stand-up. Really? Yeah, I think I read something that he stopped doing stand-up for a while. I think he was doing something on Broadway, too.

Maybe he's just really getting into acting or something. Yeah, actually, he was doing something, I think. I think some guys get to a point where they don't want to do it anymore. Well, I think that, like anything, when it loses its mystery, when it loses its challenge, I find stand-up incredibly challenging because I always try to keep like i'm coming up with a whole new hour i'm trying to reinvent myself it's it's uh it's fun you know it's one of the things yeah you're making people laugh it's like the greatest gift of all time yeah and you're making yourself laugh and surprising yourself yeah and it's like the only reason why it would ever be a

drag to me is the traveling or if my health started to fail for some reason i didn't want to get on planes all the time that that that's well i find traveling difficult the road kind of kicks my ass it's so great to be able to work around la you know there's so many clubs around la between the improvs like the improv abraya great club ontario great club irvine great club right you know there's comedy and magic club there's the ice house of pasadena where we're always at there's so many great clubs in la that you wanted to, you could still keep your stand-up going and stay around L.A. for a while. Yeah, you're right. You could get shit done.

You're right. It's the fucking getting in the planes all the time. It's so unhealthy for your body. I can't stand traveling on planes. I fucking hate it. It's crazy. When are we going to come up with better air travel? We're still in the 50s because we can't break the speed, you know, the sound barrier because we'll crack windows.

Well, that's what they were trying to do with this crazy fucking rocket. Rocket ship. And let the earth, like the earth's, you know, yeah, come back down. The real, the problem is that's not really what they're using it for. They're using it to be able to fuck somebody up in New York in 12 minutes. That's what the idea is. It's not, the idea is not for passengers. The idea is to be able to fuck somebody up on the other side of the world with immediate

precision. It's fucking crazy. It's true. Like the drone that got... Funny, the drone that I ran has supposedly now back-engineered. That, to me, was one of the greatest moments in my theory that life is just theater and it's not really real and that this is all just a work of fiction. When Obama was on TV and said, well, we asked for it back

when he was talking about the drone. Do you remember that? Yes. Have you seen that? Yes. You've seen him actually say that? Yes. We asked for the drone back.

Oh, sorry we were spying on you with a fucking automated UFO that shoots missiles. Exactly. But can we have it back? Brian, on my podcast, I had this CIA paramilitary guy, automated UFO that shoots missiles. Exactly. But can we have it back? Brian, on my podcast, I had this CIA paramilitary guy, like a real CIA guy I grew up with,

and he's been in Iraq for a long time and Afghanistan and stuff. And I fucked the sound up, and I hope, Brian, you can fix it. Yeah, I may try. All right, try, because I want to post it. But the dude... Brian's done some magic. You got to do some magic with this guy.

I'm telling you, I was so enlightened. I follow politics I follow this guy live well he just got back from you know Iraq so he's here yeah no no he's not he's not here he's he's in uh I can't really say where he's why don't you can you get him to come in here um I can the next time he comes but he's really he's really hard to get he won't be on camera well you don't have to be on camera just do it again and we can have like the shadow where it's just like a shadow. It was such a schooling for me. Keep the camera on the extras.

It was such a schooling though for me on what really goes on, how politics really work, how countries really work, how we really work. Like give me a for instance. Like for instance, we,

like as far as like any kind of conspiracy theory he was saying look he goes the way shit works is everybody has different ideas and it just snowballs somebody floats the idea out there that that iran iraq is a dangerous threat ultimately to u.s national security and they create an intellectual argument around it the argument starts to win the day because a lot of other people get involved in it then there are a lot of people that disagree with it but what happens is then people that disagree with it get bullied and shut their fucking mouths and before you know it there's a lot of also private enterprise that's going to make a lot of money off this stuff and pretty

soon before you know it there's a company making fucking a hundred grand just for importing sand to iraq and afghanistan which are deserts for the volleyball courts on the military bases grand just for importing sand to Iraq and Afghanistan which are deserts for the volleyball courts on the military bases they're making money and pretty soon the private sector is making a whole shit load of money on this thing called the Iraq Afghanistan war oh one example

oh just one example they're bringing sand yeah it costs a hundred in one instance for one court it costs about about 100 grand to bring sand in from Kansas or wherever, from a sand farm in Kansas. Because you couldn't find fucking sand in Iraq for your volleyball course. That's how the war effort works. Oh, my God. It's so stupid.

The business and everything else becomes enmeshed in this massive effort. So before you know it, you've got a shitload of interests working and making lots of money off this conflict. Now, on top of that, you have a situation like Iraq. And he described our relationship with the Middle East and Iraq as a dysfunctional relationship, where it was kind of abusive, but we were trying to do something. We got in there and two years later, we're like, we can't cut and run now. I asked him, I asked him this. I said, I said, do you think pakistan knew that fucking osama bin laden was in was in that town of arawat which he had been in by the way six months before they caught him and and i and he said fuck he said fuck yeah

i said why he said i said why would they why would they keep him there why would they protect him he said how many billions of dollars did we did they get from the u.s government for free for finding to find usama bin laden and fight the terrorism problem he was sitting a mile away from their west point you don't think they knew where he was you don't think that he had been protected that town that he was in is the vacation spot for all of the military's elite it is a beautiful fucking town it's high up really cool my buddy said it's some of the most beautiful majestic scenery he's ever seen he was all through those mountains yeah it looked pretty amazing when they showed the photos of the compound you know what's funny about him he said he said when he was in afghanistan that's a crazy conspiracy then. It's not a conspiracy.

All those people over there, the Pakistani conspiracy, they all knew he was there and they all kept their mouth shut. They were making billions of dollars, billions, to help us find Osama bin Laden and to contain the terrorism problem in their country. Why in the world would you give up your goose that lays the golden eggs? Why would you give that goose up? Why?

So had they spread the money around to keep everybody quiet because there was also a big bounty on Osama Bin Laden's head. Well, $25 million. Compare that to the... But for individuals,

how is that not like something worth them stepping out for? First of all, we all knew, our military intelligence elite knew that that was probably what was going on.

We knew the Pakistanis were shielding them. The way we found them you know we found them was through dna every time that we would they would take dna samples they would take dna samples from his family members that was one of the ways and they would just track those they would they would try to they basically they would track um and then they knew that they knew who his courier was and they basically, I believe, it's a great story, and I can't remember all the details,

but when somebody would go to a hospital who was part of that family, and they get a checkup or something, they would take a DNA sample, and they would find, and I guess they just kind of tracked wherever his DNA was, you know,

whatever, whoever he was related to, they knew he had to be around relatives of some kind, and somehow they drew a, you know, they had whoever he was related to, they knew he had to be around relatives of some kind. And somehow they drew a, you know, they had all these ingenious ways of actually finding them. It's amazing that the Pakistanis,

if they did have them, they were able to keep that, were able to keep that secret so well for so long. He was in, he was in the town where all the elite, political and military elite vacation. They have vacation homes there. He was there.

What a surprise. It's amazing though. Of course it is. But it's amazing that they were able to step away from that $25 million reward or whatever the hell it was. Well, because, because there was such so much more money. It was right. But for individuals, it wasn't.

How many do you think the individuals are making more than 25 million? How does that 25 million spread around? First of all, first of all, if you? First of all, if you were a guy. Who gave him up? If you were a guy, well, they found him. They found him by his DNA. They tracked him through his courier. They tracked him through his chauffeur, I believe.

But I don't know how they found him. Do you buy 100% of the story? It seems kind of wonky. Yeah, I do. The death at sea? Do you buy the death at sea? Yeah, I buy all of it. And the reason I buy all of it is there are so many people in that room that watch that shit go down

try keeping a secret in washington try impossible pretty easy to keep a secret in pakistan so i guess the pakistanis have better very different system of government and a better system clannish group of those motherfuckers aren't playing around oh and by the way if you think there's any profit in giving up where he is and you're going to give the americans think about the guy who gets the 25 million dollars you think he's going to be able to hang out in Pakistan with that money

with that intelligence service the ISI the ISS well he could be living in Miami then you're not going to fucking you're dead before you get that money

25 million in Miami you can get a nice condo you're fucking dead spend the rest on security hit the clubs every night and you know and you know what else most people believe

most people knew that you're not going to get that 25 million dollars yeah how are you going to collect it they're probably going to shoot you in the head how are you going to collect it

here's your money stupid why didn't you tell us yesterday yeah you're not going to collect that money could have saved American lives who do I go to where's my reward who do I go to

the US government by the way they'd be like see you later thanks what do you think about the story that he used someone as a human shield,

one of his wives or something crazy? No, I think what happened probably was that they were afraid. First of all, I think they probably had shoot to kill orders. But I also think that stuff is all weighed out way beforehand. But I also think when a SEAL team like that comes in, probably the danger and the worry is that he's got explosives on him. He's going to blow himself up. So you don't take a chance.

So standard operating procedures put a bullet in his fucking head. That's, that's, that's what I think. So they don't even try to take them. I don't think, I don't think that was ever the idea. If,

if somehow they could take him, it would have been maybe, you know, but there was more profit in just getting rid of them fucking. And what they did is they took a picture of his face. They ran it to that facial recognition technology. They sent, took a picture,

sent it back to the white house. They were all, they put a hole in his head yeah they were all watching it they were all watching it on on on they were watching it on a screen biden um uh hillary clinton you can see the picture right and then some on some faceless cia guys in the back they didn't show their faces but but um they were watching that that was high stakes obama had to go away for the weekend they knew where he was he had to go away for the weekend and he deserves credit he had to go away for the weekend and their where he was he had to go away for the weekend and he deserves credit he had to go away for the weekend and their decision was the president's do we go in we know where he is we did they didn't know it was osama bin laden they knew there was a very high value target there that he knew that one of their aces spades or

whatever they call it was there and it was probably osama bin laden and obama had to go home alone and make the decision of whether or not to risk American lives to go in there and do it. Supposedly, a bunch of, from that Bill Hicks joke, the industrialists in a smoke-filled room sucking their cigars. Here's your agenda. Yeah. Yeah.

Supposedly. The problem is that great book, The Black Swan. You can never control anything. There's always the unforeseen that happens. How does the photo, does the photo get out, you think? Do you think the photo ever gets out? I think that's, it's definitely in class,

it's classified, so. It's somewhere though, still. They're holding onto that. So it could somehow or another get out. Yeah, I thought it was a bit of a mistake and they said they are gonna release it eventually. Really? Yeah, I thought it was a bit of a mistake

for conspiracy theorists because, I mean, because what happens is if you don't show his body and you bury him at sea because nobody else is gonna take him. You know when they're gonna release it? No.

When Photoshop 16 comes out because it's going to be indetectable. That's right. Photoshop 16 is going to be the new shit. It's going to be pre-installed on your iPhone too. That's when they're going to release it. Reality is undiscernible. Osama bin Laden, when he met the SEAL Team 6 that did the job, he never asked any of them who the actual shooter was they that they

never said it he just shook all their hands and thanked you mean obama yeah you said osama i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry sorry about that which one's gonna shoot me let me just shake all your hands no barack obama actually when he met them and congratulated him on their mission he never asked any of them he never asked who the actual shooter was really and they probably wouldn't tell you i think it's like protocol to go to that with your grave, only they know and all that. And then there was the other big conspiracy theory that I thought was pretty silly. There was a crash. A bunch of SEAL Team 6 guys died in a helicopter.

And they're like, this is a cover-up because of Osama bin Laden. Wasn't even the same guys. No. Wasn't even the same guys. The people were like, but still. Conspiracy theories are really hard to pull off. It's really hard to organize all that. Well, it soundsacy theories are really hard to pull off. It's really hard to organize all that.

Well, it sounds like that's not the case in Pakistan. It's really interesting. You know, they had a real legitimate conspiracy going on in Pakistan for a long period of time. I don't know that

it was so much a conspiracy. They just are very good at, they're good at control. If you cross the eye, what is it called? The intern services. Well, that's conspiring. They conspire to keep a secret.

They'll fucking kill you. It's amazing though that they did that for so long. How long do you think he lived in that spot? Well, since 2011, so a long time, I think. What about all those stories that he was on dialysis, that he had probably been dead for years, and this was all horseshit?

Did you ever hear those? Yeah, I knew that he... There was a fact that he had to get dialysis, I believe. I believe he had an issue with his kidneys and stuff like that, which was one of the ways they wanted to find him. He i guess in waziristan for a while where they said they thought he was he actually had been wow and most of the high-ranking military and intelligence officials would always say he's probably somewhere in pakistan but they thought he wasn't in ararat they didn't expect him to be a mile away from their west point they didn't expect that they

thought he was in waziristan that lawless region where my buddy who's the cia guy i actually talked about on my podcast the dude was in the fucking hills with a couple other guys and and and uh i said what happens when you get caught he goes you don't get caught dude and i said what do you mean he goes you're not letting them catch you i said so what is the alternative he goes you got enough ammo you shoot and then you save one bullet for yourself. And I went, really? He goes, you don't want to get caught by those guys. You don't want to get caught by Afghanis or those Pashtuns.

They will fuck you up. You shoot yourself. I was like, that's how my buddy lives. I was like, that's living on the edge. He's a real, but he's always been the baddest dude I know. He's always been the baddest motherfucker on the planet. He's such a badass. And you would never know it.

He's the guy who used to fight four guys. Just open up on you. He would fight four guys? Oh, no problem. Why would he do that? Four Marines. Take his jacket off. I want to fight these guys.

For no reason? No. These fucking guys were chasing him. With my buddy. My buddy and he. My buddy told me the story. He didn't tell me the story. My buddy said he stopped.

They were running down an alley, four guys. and he goes, I'm going to fight him. My buddy goes, what? He goes, I'm going to fight him. I want to see if I can fight him. My buddy goes, don't do that, dude. Please don't do that. And he goes, nah, I'm going to do it. And he took his jacket off and he fought him.

Just fucking started swinging and kicking. But he was a really, really, really good fighter and could hit like a heavyweight and fucking did just fine. And, you know, his buddy had to sit there and fight now. But those guys were like, why am I getting hit like this? Why am I getting fucking kicked and hit and wheel kicked in my head?

It was, you know, pretty wild. There's a lot of people out there that have lived some pretty fucking intense lives. He loved danger. He was really good in the violence spaces.

He told me it's the only time he fell alive. It's funny when we talk about like David Blaine, like his, this desire to try to push the envelope of what a human being can do with holding his breath or with ice. We had talked about it on the podcast before, this David Goggins guy who's one of those Iron Man guys.

You ever seen him before? He's got a bunch of videos online. He engages in 48-hour races where they run for 48 hours straight on a track and people monitor. Well, human beings human beings are the best long distance animals on the planet yeah we kill that's how we you know persistence hunting they would kill certain animals in africa but you know these these people that are trying to push the limits you know and they it takes a long time to build up to it i go an interesting thing that happens with a lot of young MMA fighters is they kind of underestimate

the kind of conditioning that's required to be a five round fighter and how intense and how much is involved and how long the process is to build your body into a body that can withstand work for 25 minutes, you know, in an octagon. That's an eon. Anybody's wrestled, which I did, six minutes is a fucking eternity. 25 minutes is the craziest thing I've ever heard in my life. It's insanity. It's the amount of exertion that your body has to go through.

It takes a long fucking time to build up to it. And a lot of guys suffer from overtraining in the beginning of their career because their body's simply not conditioned to be able to handle that kind of work rate it's just not you know there's especially when it comes to like a lot of kickboxers who go into mma they have no idea how difficult the wrestling aspect of it and how much more it takes out of you and they almost always gas when the fights turn into wrestling matches initially like a lot of the striking base guys they have the hardest time developing that wrestling endurance it's so so much tension it's full exertion you know i mean people really don't

respect mma fighters enough as far as the amount of discipline that it's required to to be in condition to fight a full five round mma fight or even a three round fight my my experience was that with that was i was on a date in my house. I had my two pit bulls, Piggy. I'm sorry, Piggy was my pit bull, and Stella was my German Shepherd, my police German Shepherd, my fucking working class German German Shepherd, a fucking wolf. And they locked on to each other. And it wasn't that I didn't want them to kill each other.

I was just seeing vet bills. I was just seeing $1,000 here because they were ripping into each other. Right. And I was on my front lawn wrestling with these two dogs and choking one out. Then the other one would fall asleep, and then the other one would get a hold of the other one. Then I'd have to choke that one out and went back and forth as I'm trying to break them up. I kept choking each fucking dog out, and I was so furious. choking each one, each fucking dog out. And I was so furious. And when my buddy Bob came home and, and, and jumped off the, the, my jumped into the yard and, and fucking, and jumped on both dogs

and put his knees on both their heads and just held them there. And, and, and finally they let go from exhaustion. I was so exhausted. I don't even know how long I was there. I was like 15 minutes fighting with two dogs. I remember crawling up in the corner in my yard I crawled up in a corner and I was like breathing like I've never like from wrestling all that shit there's no comparison because I was literally for your life I was fighting for my life and I was going and imagine and I was on a date I didn't even I didn't even have time to look cool I was going and my hands I didn't realize my own my own hands for fucking a week after that I had trouble closing and opening my hands because I didn't realize my own hands for fucking a week after that, I had trouble closing and opening my hands.

Wow. Because I had like torn all the muscles in my hands from trying to pull them apart. And imagine you weren't even engaged in combat with them. Right. You were trying to stop them. I was trying to stop them. What if one of them was trying to kill you?

Well, that's like this book Extreme Fear where the woman gets in a fight with a mountain lion. This female mountain lion stalked her and tried to kill her and she ended up just fucking, she took this, like a, some kind of a,

like a knife or like something, and a spike and was sticking it in its eye. Whoa. And she just turned, her fear turned to fury and she started fighting back. But, you know, she was fucking fucked up.

When you get in a fight with a real animal. Oh yeah, especially a mountain lion. You're done. You're so, we're so fleshy. Your food, their predators, your food. Our skin's made of toilet paper whereas theirs is made of leather that's right like deer have leather that's like deer skin that's exactly right make

shoes out of it man their skin is so tough you don't make nobody makes skin out of human right you know human shoes right no they take down they take down elk yeah go try to bite it with their face yes yeah try biting an elk to death yeah by they take down elk yeah go try to bite it with their face yeah try biting an elk to death yeah by they grab it with their claws and they bite it with their face yeah that's it yeah good luck go kill a deer with your face that's what i say about great whites i go try biting a seal to death it'll bite it on the flipper it'll be like get the fuck off me yeah yeah well that's my argument was up to those people that are when i lived in colorado when i was saying you should kill these fucking things and people were so angry at me after one

of them killed my dog that really did happen like i was telling them like why do you allow mountain lions stick around well you know hey they're a part of nature and you know they're they're here too i go if there was a guy running around that could kill a deer with his face and occasionally he would eat dogs wouldn't you want him in jail? Yeah. Well, this is way scarier than a guy that could do it, you stupid fuck. This is an animal and they fuck

and they make a bunch of other animals just like it and then they live in the woods and they eat dogs and people too. Whatever there. They've had, I think, six to eight mountain lion attacks

but I love mountain lions. It doesn't mean you want to kill mountain lions. You just got to be aware of where they are. Fuck them. Kill them. Light them up.

Fuck those mountain lions. No, you don't want to kill an apex predator. Get rid of them. Light them up. Fuck those mountain lions. No, you don't want to kill an apex predator. Get rid of them. Get them out. The joke I did in my special. What the hell are you talking about?

I'm pro mountain lion, you bastard. What I was saying was like, you know, the argument that I got in with a guy, and this is actually in my act, but it is true.

The guy told me that we needed him to keep the deer population down. And I said, do you know the deer are not bulletproof and they're made out of food? Stupid fuck. It was a real conversation i was like this is the dumbest conversation ever you need wild monsters running through the woods to eat up all the extra food

it's an interesting thing it's an interesting question because i i personally think all animals like that like tigers and lions should all be preserved because they're so just for the sake of how beautiful they are i believe everything in other continents just not where i live nothing that can swim across the ocean and jack you i'm not even big on leopards who like live like in mexico and they're making it across the border is it jaguars or jaguars jaguars are way more dangerous than a leopard they're much bigger they're big and they are not afraid of people they will kill people they are that you don't have a chance against a jag. Not a chance.

It's in the Amazon when people take ayahuasca, you know, that crazy jungle intoxicant. One of the things, the visions that they see is jaguars. Like a constant bunch of jaguars watching them and jaguars communicating with them. My buddy told me a story. This guy who's a CIA guy told me a story that in the congo or somewhere in africa this dude decided he wanted he was like a like an embassy you know guy working he just wanted to be part of the culture and he went to this african tribe and he drank some tea that they gave him and all of a sudden he fucking starts hallucinating and he runs off with his cell phone naked and he decided

that they were trying to eat him which i don't know but he goes these people are trying to eat me and they had to send this huge search and part like rescue team out to the middle of the fucking congo and track him down with his cell phone and find him it was this massive operation they found him he was eaten to shreds by bugs cut up by thorns all fucked up had to go to the hospital he was there like three days like running through the forest away from what he thought were people trying to eat him because of this fucking hallucinogenic tea meanwhile they were probably like really sweet african people you know who who had degrees and or maybe they were trying to eat him or maybe they were trying to eat him who the fuck knows maybe just like came to grips yeah there are a lot of people eating people in

parts of the world actually ever meet like africans in this country they all have like six degrees like nigerians find me a nigerian who doesn't have at least his master's every single time yes well i i have my my degree in uh in uh all kinds of things in uh mechanical engineering and uh my doctorate in uh it's a fucking imagine the whole world was like africa imagine africa is actually i i talked to my buddy about Africa, who is the CIA, you know, the guy, I shouldn't even say CIA, let's just say he's whatever. And he said, he said, he's really optimistic about Africa and not optimistic about the Middle East at all. Really?

So optimistic about the progress of Liberia, not about Afghanistan. Yeah, very much because Africa actually, in a lot of ways, has come to terms to these terrible wars with a lot of their civil strife, their tribal str strife and what's the big thing and their mineral issues you know that a lot of these wars in liberia and sierra leone was was was right fighting over resources of diamonds right uh the diamond mines uh um and the material in the congo the material that goes into cell phones that that that's really where these warring factions um fight over but also they're solving a lot of their political problems i mean a lot of these a lot of african states were were dictatorships just like in south america so he thinks that they can be

worked out but they are they are being worked out why not the middle east but the middle east mainly because the middle east is there are a. One is, and one of the things he brought up was very interesting, he said the notion that you can separate Islam from democracy, as in you can, one of the things, the tenets that we have is the separation of church and state. The Quran is a blueprint for how to run a society, even how to manage your banking laws and things. how to run a society, even how to manage your banking laws and things. It's very difficult to separate Islam from state-run affairs.

Traditionally in the Middle East, the only way you did do that was by imposing an iron fist, the way Saddam Hussein did, the way countless Arab dictators did. That's one of the issues. But the other issue is the Sunni-Shia rivalries that are constantly playing out now in, not just in Bahrain, but in Syria and a lot of different parts, and certainly in Iraq. And the only way to control that is one side's got to have more guns than the other side. And I have a different point of view, by the way, which is that I think commerce, ultimately, when commerce comes to these countries, which it is, I think people are going to have a lot more to lose.

I think economic prosperity. Equality. Yeah, economic prosperity, equality, and technology, I hope for the Middle East, is going to make it a better place to live for the people there. But I do think that if you look at, for example, Egypt now, Egypt has, if you look at who's running for election, they have essentially hardline Islamists who are going to impose,

or the worry is that they're going to impose Sharia or something like that. That's certainly not very democratic. But did you want to go back to Mubarak's reign how do they stop that how is that going to be stopped you think it's only money that's going to be able to stop it i think i think what happens with all countries it's look you know how to stop at time what happens is take a look at what happened in europe take a look at what happened when central america these are democracies imperfect democracies but they're certainly not military dictatorships. Do you think there's a real possibility? Even in China, even in China, China is learning that basically democracy is an inevitable,

inevitable thing that they have to come to terms with. And when I say democracy, I mean a government that listens to its people. How do you keep a people in ignorance? How do you keep people ignorant when they have access to the internet? You don't. Human beings now have access to real information and the truth of what's really going on. And more importantly, they can see how other countries are living. It's very difficult to control and have power over a people when they know the truth. And one of the most unique things about what's going on in the Middle East today is that these uprisings are uprisings that are happening organically from within the population. They

are not being manipulated by an imperialistic power. They're not being manipulated by another Arab country. These are homegrown grassroots rebellions that are very difficult to ignore. And the people that are doing it are young people who just want a better life. And I can tell you right now that if these theocracies, if they vote in these Islamists and they don't see results, you're going to see more rebellion. these Islamists, and they don't see results, you're going to see more rebellion. And so I think that whether or not these countries are Islamist, they're going to have to listen to their populations and they're going to have to respect individual freedoms. That's my belief.

That's my hope anyway. I may be naive. Yeah, well, it's a good hope. I hope so. The idea is a beautiful idea that eventually we're all going to come to some sort of a utopian system of government that we're all going to accept because it's all going to be the will of the people. It's just the will of the people in this country is slowly being choked. And all the provisions provided by the Constitution are slowly being choked out.

I agree with you in government. That's scary. The biggest the biggest problem is I think a lot of government governments and i'm talking about municipal governments state governments well they're becoming more concerned with their own with their own employees and the people that they're trying to serve they want to keep jobs going so they want to keep laws in place because if there's no one to arrest for anything then there's no need for that job what's happening a lot of people in the dea a lot of people in drug enforcement that are actively lobbying to keep certain really non-lethal, non-dangerous drugs and keep them illegal because they want to have people to arrest for things. That's right.

Then you have the problem with private prisons. There's so many different fucking problems. Well, anytime somebody has a vested interest in something, they're going to try to protect that interest. And regardless of whether they're a good person or a bad person. We have a vested interest in marijuana. That's right. We're trying to protect that marijuana. I'm going to have to run soon.

We're going to have to close this thing down. Yeah. Shut it off. Shut it down. Once again, my dear friend, thanks for having me on. Another fascinating, driven sort of a conversation into all sorts of bizarre subjects. Love it, man.

I never have a bad time. It's always enlightening. Make sure you check out Brian Callen's own podcast. Brian Callen has, what do you call it? The Brian Callen Show. Perfect name. Couldn't be any better. I feel pretentious with the Joe Rogan experience.

I got some great guests. My Sam Brown, my buddy's dying of cancer. I mean, not dying, I don't want to say, but he's fucking hilarious. He's got pancreatic cancer, and he's hilarious. That's awesome. I'm going to do another one. I got fucking Anthony Tambac, because I'm going to post soon, which was a great podcast. The Brian Callen Show.

Yeah, baby. Do you have music for your Brian Callen Show? Not yet. Do you have an opening yet? I don't, but I'm going to start coming into the studio. Oh, go to the 10-Minute Podcast. Yes. The 10-Minute Podcast is funny as shit.

10-Minute Podcast with Chris D'Elia and Will Sassa. And Will Sassa. Two very funny motherfuckers. All right. That's the end of this dirty ride, ladies and gentlemen. That's probably the end for this week, too. We were going to do something with a certain controversial person tomorrow, but you know what?

It's just... Why even bother? Yeah. We just... Sorry. There's too much crazy going on in this world at this moment. Yeah. I don't feel like jumping in a river of any more crazy.

Right. That's it. Thanks to the Fleshlight for tuning in to this, sponsoring this excursion. This weekend you're in New York, but it's already sold out, right? Yeah, yeah. We're in, it's me and Duncan. And, yeah, for people who come to the show who don't know who's on it, it's me and Duncan and Joey Diaz.

And it is the day before there is a UFC in New Jersey, and we're at the Grand Ballroom in the Manhattan Center. Should be a lot of fun. I haven't been to New York in about, it's probably been about a year. Good times, you dirty freaks. Thank you again to our sponsors, The Fleshlight. Please go to JoeRogan.net, click on the link for The Fleshlight, enter in the code name Rogan,

save yourself 15% off. Thank you again to onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood. All of them,

all of your questions can be answered on onnit.com, O-N-N-I-T. And for people that are asking about the kettlebells, everything's going to be handled really soon. It's just a shipping issue we're trying to work out, so we have to move everything into a different location. So within the next couple weeks, it'll be all for sale,

and we'll let you know what's going down. A lot of cool shit's coming up. Good protein powder, hemp protein powder, and a bunch of other stuff. So that's it. We will see you all, like, Monday. Kevin Smith wants to do next week. I think I'm going to do his, though. I think I have to do his. I So that's it. We will see you all Monday. Kevin Smith wants to do next week. I think I'm going to do his, though.

I think I have to do his. I think that's how it works. I think, you know, because he did ours last. So, yeah, I've got to do his. So I'll do that next week. And we're going to try to get Dice next week, too. Holla! Yeah, we should have a bunch of fun ones coming up soon.

So that's it. Sorry about the big bummer yesterday, ladies and gentlemen. Sometimes things go wrong. We don't mean that. It's much more fun to have a calm and cool and interesting podcast like this. The situation has been fixed if you did listen to it. Ice House is now paying. I don't have anything to do with it.

Yes. We have a show Friday with Sarah Tiana. There you go. Sarah Tiana. Make sure you tweet me that and I'll retweet that. We'll probably do one next week as well because I'm going to be back in town. So thank you to everybody that tunes in. Thanks to all your messages, even your cunty ones about the little spat yesterday.

I see a lot of you have opinions, and it's nice that you care. Just try to be nice. Try to be friendly. Try not to be so twatty. There's just too much twatty behavior in this world. Don't be twatty. Next week, which is like uh the 11th we'll probably have another one uh at the ice house so if you're planning on flying in from where do people fly in from we have people canada they were going on a comedy tour and that was uh that death squad show was the last show of the tour he just wrote me just to thank me because i i mean that's the guy with the green shirt yeah yeah and

uh so i gave him a tour of the studio which i usually don't do but what's cool about this guy yeah great guy what's cool about that guy too is that he said that uh he ran into me at sal's comedy hole a year ago and i told him to do comedy so he went and did comedy and now he's a comedian he was thinking about doing it and i was like go fucking do it. And so he listened to me, and now he's actually a comedian. He's touring all over the country. Wow. Crazy. Isn't it amazing how fast you can change your fucking life?

Come on. A little inspiration, you pussies. All that fear getting away. Now you've got to get rid of that fucking Prius and get a man's car. I'm going to do it. Have we figured out anything from this podcast? Yes. I have to get a Charger.

Is that what I have to get? Yeah, a Challenger. A fucking Challenger. Charger's not bad, too. Charger's got four doors. Pretty goddamn fast, and an excellent interior. The SRT8 Challenger, very nice car. So is the Charger. Both very good cars.

And they're fucking American. You can feel good about it. Pull up to your dad's house in a goddamn American car. He'll be so happy for you. Damn right he will. Wouldn't he be? Yes, he would. Son, I knew you.

I knew you'd come around. Come around and get off those Japanese gay cars. My son. So you don't like the penis. All right, you dirty bitches. We'll see you soon. Thanks for everything. Bye-bye.

See you guys in New York. Holla. Thank you.