The Joe Rogan Experience - #2122 - Protect Our Parks 11

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Beautiful Dogs," on Netflix. www.shanemgillis.com Mark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Soup to Nuts," on Netflix. www.marknormandcomedy.com Ari is the host of "The Skeptic Tank" and "You Be Trippin'" podcasts. His latest comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube.  www.arishaffir.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Joe Rogan Experience Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! What was that? Hell yeah! Yes, we're back fellas! Let's go! So much shit to talk about. You see that wild shit that's going on in Scotland where they're targeting comedians for hate crime laws? Still? Yeah, yeah, Yeah, what's his name? Chocula Chocula well yeah, that's the same place with that guy Dankula right Dankula. Yeah

You know the weed head no he got in trouble for making his dog do a hitler He turned his dog to go holler. They were just doing fuck with his girlfriend German Shepherd. You got trouble for that No, it was a little pug. Pull it up! I think you got arrested. They brought him to fucking jail. I do that every time I see a dog. I did it with my friend's kid. He pushed his elbow and he does it.

Police, Scotland, we won't target comedians under new hate crime law. That's what you say now. But stand up shows still come under its scope. Jesus Christ, Scotland, you have one of the biggest fucking comedy festivals on Earth every year. It's a huge comedy festival. But they're pretty queefy over there. They'll be quick. They will be.

They'll just queef it up. But this is so queefy. Hate crime. Age, disability, religion, sexual orientation. Fuck my whole act. What? Yeah, everyone's whole act. I was gonna say Mara's whole act. Just throwing up hatred on certain grounds. It's everybody's act. Sexual my whole act. Yeah, everyone's whole act. I was going to say Mara's whole act. Throwing up hatred on certain grounds. Yeah. It's everybody's act. Sexual orientation. Yeah. What?

These are just things that exist. You got to talk about age. This is so ridiculous. Wow, Scotland got weird. Is that a real thing? No way. The training materials based on Scottish government's explanatory notes which accompany the legislation, this included examples of a range of scenarios where offenses might take place, but this does not mean officers have been told to target these situations or locations. But they can if they want. Yeah, but if they can if they want. Dude, the mug shots from this are going to be hilarious.

Yeah. This is so scary. How are we coming it up? Are we getting arrested for an AIDS joke? If they do the mug shots from this are going to be hilarious Coming it up I get arrested for an AIDS joke what happened What's been explained to me by my friends in the UK specifically Francis Foster from Trigonometry trigonometry. He's awesome. He was telling me that this government is like on the way out and that they're out of their fucking shit, so this is it's every Every fucking generation goes this way then that way this way and they go too far left and they go too far right Huh, and so these fucking kooks have decided they're gonna target people and put them in jail

Did you hear what happened in Belgium the dude got a year in jail for memes that were shared? Memes that they shared in a private chat. No. What? Yes. Oh no. They gave them a year. We saw the memes.

The memes are nothing. Wait, we saw the memes? Yeah, you can see the memes. You can fuck them. The memes are online. They're not that funny? No. One of them was like a Hitler one that was like anti-Hitler.

It was like an anti Nazi meme hmm like and this is one of the ones that was cited as being one of the offenses it's a fucking private chat imagine before the show started right now our data right when the podcast is all at the same time. We should have a mass delete. Three, two, one, go. The podcast is what it is. Turn the keys. Yeah. Oh, man. The podcast alone. Yeah, this is worse than the group chat.

Yeah, this is worse. By the end of this episode, it'll be worse than. You think? That's how it always goes. You gotta see this. The group chat is like, look at this kid falling. I don't remember most of the back half. You gotta see this Belgium story and realize

this fucking dumb shit is happening in 2024 with the internet. 2024 and you're going after people's phones, their private group, private chat. Well if everyone's private shit got leaked we'd all be. But they go to jail for it too? How far are we from being able to listen to anybody talk at any time? The government can already do it. How far is like everybody from being able to do that and everybody assuming that everything you say all the time is being recorded? You know how fucked we're gonna be if that happens? Well, you got Alexa in your house,

your phone hears everything. Yeah, but it's also, it's like, if it was actionable. Like if you start talking about things, like say if you're talking about some kind of medication that you can't use or some new law that they're gonna pass it's gonna fuck up free speech whatever it is if that if you're talking about that and then all sudden cops show up if you're like I want to kill these motherfuckers because people say that shit yeah you get around a guy and he's drunk and he's you know makes

$50,000 a year and he sees where his tax money is going to and he could barely get by and he's fucking hammering I want to fucking kill Nancy Pelosi People get crazy doesn't mean they're actually gonna do it. He's just getting drunk. Yeah other than that guy Put that hammer down and listen to me Nope that real go-getter. Yeah, that guy was like nope. What a wild mama. He's looks he sees the cops like oh I guess it's now Is Paul Pelosi that he only had one hand on the dude because his other hand was on his drink

Yeah, how much faith did he have? Well they knew each other clearly they knew do you think so yeah? Broke into the house of the hammer seems like Paul was trying to keep it. Yeah, I don't think they knew each other No, I think that was the rumor that was the rumor that he was a gay lover. That's what I heard yeah No, no, no, no, there's a video Using the hammer he hit him in the fucking head with to break into the house like banging on the back door So he sounds like a girlfriend shit though exactly Does it though? It's like I think it's a schizophrenic in your house with a hammer.

Nancy Pelosi was like you said you wouldn't embarrass me. It's a gay quarrel. Maybe she sent someone in to whack him. Maybe she thought about half of that 200 million she stole. She's like you know what? This is a horrible video man. I hate this video. Come on over. Cause look at him he's not even looking and this guy's got a fucking hammer

and he's got his hand on the hammer and then the guy breaks the hammer loose and just bangs him in the head And no he hit him more than once I think when he went down again, but the thing is like he's snoring Now when you're that old and you get knocked the fuck out like that that is really bad I mean he might not ever be the same again. He got hit in the head with a fucking Metal hammer still holding the drink though. You're right, bro. It's crazy. He only had one hand on that hammer Yeah, so nuts. It's his Superiority his ability his his Confidence that he has that everything's gonna be fine with his night shirt with the big guy too

Big crazy looking motherfucker who just broke into your house and he has a hammer he'll be on kill Tony's bar bring it here he thought that he was gonna like keep that guy chill until the cops got there and once the cops got there he's gonna keep him chilled and they're just gonna arrest that guy he's like leading him forward to is that come on come on yeah you can't let a guy turn your hand that way stupid you're against your thumb now if you if you. If someone's grabbing something and trying to take it from you, look. Always have something this way.

Wait, that's the... David de Paes. This is the guy breaking into the house. He's so calm. I know. He's a fucking psychopath. I love it. So he pulls out a hammer.

Look, he's got like a sleeping bag. He's a fucking crazy homeless dude. Wow, he got in there pretty easy Do you think he had any of those aplosis? How does this guy not have top-notch? Security I know how are you so confident that you could just sleep in that house. Yeah, he could be yeah in your crime infested city That is so crazy. I mean that city is Infested with crime he's so calm. He looks like the comic book guy he's totally got a plan and He's also confident. No one has a gun. I like how he pulls out carefully all his tools, and then the plan is smash it

So he bashes through this fucking door which took a while made a lot of noise pretty calm I would be freaking out saying the guy broke the door with a hammer good point maybe we we missed a whole chunk with a guy just runs up to him blows him no this is the fantasy the fantasy was like when the and then blows he's like I'm not praying you the cops are here I broke my door Then he hits it with a hammer. Maybe we're missing content. Thank God you're here, bro. That's a horrific video to watch though I don't I won't listen to it. It's horrible. It's a horrible thud and then the snoring Regardless of what you think about them stealing money. That's terrible. That's just terrible

I do they definitely stole a lot of money. I follow her stock tips. That's stock tips. I say stole money, what I should be saying is engaged in insider trading that's legal. There you go. And it's just nuts that it's legal. It's nuts that they can pass laws

and they know the laws are coming and then they buy up stock and then they get paid. Yeah, but they can't be stopped. Who's gonna stop them? They would have to stop them. Other than a hero with a hammer. Other than one heroic schizophrenic. I mean, how do you stop them?

Bro. They make the rules. That's kind of a weird feeling to know that everybody knows that you got all your money by being a corrupt politician and you're just wandering around. Yeah, just like what are you gonna do about it Just like what are you going to do about it? Listen, the companies needed financial support.

We supported them and we were rewarded for that. That's also why they probably need to keep making money. Like they need security. Lots more and more security. Yeah, security. Higgins going wild. He did so good. Isn't it funny that Pelosi only gets the blunt of it?

Like everybody else is doing it too. She's the Speaker of the House. Right, she's the Speaker of the House. Who's Higgins? What does this mean? Hold on, but isn't this based on the percentage of their returns? So maybe Higgins is a new guy that just is getting there getting really rich Pelosi's getting right but he's going after it hard look at a lot everybody this is like the guy wearing the coat

in goodfellas only ever once one term I'm gonna get Bro that was such a good scene, such a good scene in Goodfellas. You realize they have to kill that guy because he's got a Cadillac? Get your shine box. No, no, no, that was a different one. His defense, he said it lacks context. Insider trading. Viral post leads to claims of insider trading. He says it lacks context. What's the context? Those numbers provide a distorted view of the facts. Oh, okay. Tell me more. I like that. He talked it lacks context with the context those numbers provide a distorted view of the facts. Oh, okay. Tell me more Tell me more

Right, it's funny that he has to Here goes these numbers provide a distorted view of the facts that a spokesperson for Higgins better even better move use a spokesperson facts that a spokesperson for Higgins, even better move, use a spokesperson in a statement to 7 News. The truth is, Congressman Higgins has minimal investments and holdings. In 2023, one position which he had held for years and is held by millions of other people performed well. Rep Higgins follows all ethics and financial reporting requirements. Relatively speaking, he is always ranked amongst the most modest income earners in co it said he had less than 100 grand in the stocks

So when he went up yeah It's like the Pistons winning two games in a row also If he has a minimal investments and holdings, and it just gets lucky and he's got one of them is like Nvidia Yeah, the Nvidia is a common one to hold because I've had it for years it doubled It definitely jumped up when Nancy Fucking passed them bills. Hey, that's yeah, you're anything about Nvidia I got a lot of money What do they care I mean she banged Kennedy did she pull that photo over yeah, she was super young and hot no Just knew him well, I think if you're in Kennedy's orbit

Everybody considers him like our greatest of all-time president Poblosi 17 mark Yummy the money 17, but blow see 17 Mark Do you really think jam came banging 17 year olds yes, yeah probably 100% was around upon is that an insane Imagine bringing that up in a history class Imagine being in like a history class And telling the teacher you know what I think yeah I think probably though banging a lot of 17 year olds. Oh, let's get back to the Bay of Pigs

Let's get let's talk about It's kind of crazy, but to be like the leader of a country like that It's almost like a prerequisite you have to be a poon hound That's like the only reason why you have the ambition to get to that spot in the first place. Yeah, and up until Clinton, it was just you kind of made fun of the girls. And if you're not and you get in that position, like now I'm skeptical. Like what's your motive? Yeah.

It's either war and money or pussy. I'll take the guy who just wants pussy every day of the week. It seems like the best ones Clinton Clinton when he was president Trump Trump for sure Obama want a dick that's allegedly but our favorite is JFK and he's like the known biggest poon the known biggest what about those older guys the drawn guys you think they were poon hounds yeah he's like the known biggest poon hound. The known biggest. What about those older guys the drawn guys? You think they were poon hounds? Yeah, which ones like the ones that got time you guys? Yeah. Yeah, what's your drawn? Not photogrammed. Oh, what about the guy in the wheelchair? Back in the drawing days you could do whatever you want. You're not gonna be long enough for someone to sketch this. You could kill a lady. You could kill everybody.

You could kill everybody and then they ask you, did you kill them? We're moving to Annapolis. Sorry, Philly. And then he did it again. He goes, let's go further. Yeah, this place sucks. What were their investigations like? Oh yeah. You know, did you kill them?

Nope. No forensics. Sounds good. Yeah. Yeah, just evidence? God, the lawyers back there, it's like, I just lost the witch trials. I'm your new attorney. God damn it. That is I just lost the witch trials. I'm your new attorney. You're like, God damn it.

That is the worst lawyer of all time. How did you lose that one? The witch trials are the wildest shit of all time. They're witches. I got nothing. They didn't even give you a lawyer back then. That's like pretty new. Yeah. But they have to give you a lawyer. So you're just like, I can read, you can't. Good luck with your trial. I think mostly they drowned them too. It wasn't really a burning thing the burning things kind of a misnomer right and is that right mark? I don't know the drowning thing they used to do

Was they had this thing where they would put you in like lock you to a chair and throw you in a pond Whoa, and then they'd be like if she's a witch she's gonna get out right no one ever got out No one ever got just like oh shit You know she's a witch she would just leave if they floated They were proven to be a witch if they drowned too bad, but at least they weren't a witch Smith this type of test was also a myth carried over from Eastern early European history Oh, no, it's just like the burning at the stake now that interesting. They're just cunts well. That's not true though I guarantee they'll burn some people alive they definitely burn some

people they definitely what if they didn't have a leg near them listen man they killed people in horrific ways and just lied about it when they wrote it down afterwards oh yeah there's a lot of that the Museum of Torture in Amsterdam I want to rules it's just like this pyramid that you're supposed to let a guy put his ass on It's a good one apart. Oh, yeah, it's a coffin with the spikes in it and they close it on So the witch trials and Salem consisted mainly of a physical examination for the witch's test The witches teet. Oh, what is that? of a physical examination for the which is test heat the we just eat oh What is that which the Puritans believed was a sort of third nipple from which which which is familiar with suck blood? Oh, oh my god. We'll be unto a woman with skin tags or a weird mole

You got skin tag Damn. Damn, you got skin tag, you're getting your head cut off. Surprisingly modern language on that. Yeah. A weird mole. They think of familiar sucking blood out of your third tit. You know how those ended? The witch trials?

Some lady was like, you're a witch! And everybody went, ah. And that was it. Oh really? It just ended because they were getting annoyed with how she was just calling everybody she hated a witch. Well you know how it started fifth one it started with ergot They had a late early frost and when you have an early frost sometimes It says it's a myth no it's a minute at the bottom says what's there?

God wait a minute, but they've proven that er got was in wheat during that time. It's just saying Then Massachusetts, what's er got when you went off? Jamie talks I can hear we sound the Jamie talks Massachusetts would not have had that problem, but I don't know why it says they would have known how to fix it by them Yeah But they found evidence which crap er got but the problem is they found evidence to find that because I know they found one of the reasons why they came Up with this theory in the first place they found evidence of ergot What's ergot? It's like a fucking fungus that grows on wheat and it makes people trip balls

For sure there was one that happened in France Bunch of people died. It's actually the thing that they found in those vessels that show that the Romans and the ancient Greek were doing those psychedelic rituals. They found these pottery vessels that have Urgot in them. Is it available anymore? Urgot, I think, it's still available. Well, it's still around.

You can burn a lady. But it's super toxic, too. It kills people. The theory that went popular was started in a 1976 edition of Science Magazine where it talked about the ergot theory, but as of now they think that it is not probably true. Interesting. But why do they think it's not true?

I'm always, when they start dismissing psychedelic stuff, I'm always like, how do you know for sure for sure? Because if ergot does exist and ergot is a thing that grows on weed and it's really common A bunch of people are just fucking freaking out about things Fascinate through the cultural fascination of LSD during this period was it 70s? So this theory came out the 70s It said so people the theory came out like what so when people started using acid the theory Came see I was under the impression that there was actual evidence of ergot and like samples that they got I'm looking for that

So that's why I found this by typing in evidence of ergot I might be mixed up because I know they found evidence never this way. Yeah, I've heard it, but I'm not sure if it's true But I know they found evidence for sure in these ancient pottery vessels so they know these like people that were involved in the like illucinian mysteries and all that shit that was going down in Greece 2000 plus years ago. They're trapping balls This says it led to this theory being put in the school curriculums as an explanation for the trial No way school curriculum thought that I don't know that they have Actual evidence of it other than just being passed on. I think I'm done with acid. We got mushrooms. I don't know that they have actual evidence of it. Interesting.

I think I'm done with acid. We got mushrooms, I don't need acid anymore. I'm the opposite. You like acid more? I've been way more into acid lately. What? You can control it. No.

Smooth. It's a chemical. You're not hitting the floor. You are trusting smooth bathtub chemists with your sanity. Exactly. You are trusting.s back chemists with your sanity. Yeah exactly most trustworthy Writing this down right now. No like dose orange you fear with the good stuff The stuff we used on Jack Ruby also. It's liquid you put it on paper on your hand

You think? It seeps in your hands? I don't think it seeps in. No, it definitely does. That's how the original, yeah, that's how, what's his face? Larry? I have touched it a lot with my bare hands. I've never gotten anything while I'm moving it place to place.

What was the name of the, Albert Hoffman? That's how Albert Hoffman discovered it. He was actually looking, it was a women's fertility drug they were working on. But wasn't it still wet? It was to, that was what, it was to induce labor. drug. They're working on but what it was to it That was what it was to induce labor was it was it dried in or was it still wet? I think it just got it on his hands I mean when you think and he had a crazy dose apparently and then went on a bike ride and this dude just balls

Well, I'd have fed went to a festival in Western, Georgia a couple years ago And and somebody was testing all the coke like we we gotta test it first and we're like, I thought that we'd just try it, but they were like, you know, chemically tested. Like a fentanyl. They're like 100% pure, buy coke from that guy. And then later they went to get acid from this chick on a bus and they were like, tested it.

Zero percent acid in that. What was it? Some sort of like liquid mescaline. And then the guy who had it was like, it was freshly dipped, it's all over my hands and he just started flying whoa stories I know as a music engineer of this being true because of the guy that like made acid was a grateful dead engine half a century The guy who made acid one of the guys oh a guy who made it like the one of the guys

Oh the guys right okay, so not only is LSD absorbed through the skin on contact But it can apparently stay potent for half a century. Wow. San Francisco sound engineer Elliot Curtis found that out for himself when he was fixing a 1960 synthesizer, and then tripped for nine hours straight, completely unaware that the device had been encrusted with decades old LSD. Wow. That's definitely a story that's going around forever. That guy took acid and made up a story, bro. Yup. encrusted with decades old LSD Acid and made up a story, bro. Yeah, or Imagine if you leave a synthesizer and you know, I'm gonna paint this bitch with

Eventually gonna touch this someone's gonna get their greasy fucking hands Well, the old myth is a Manson dipped a bunch of Bible pages and acid and then brought a Bible in the prison They would just eat it every day Well Manson was in touch with Jolly West Jolly West visited Manson when he was in prison Jolly West was the head of MK ultra and they did LSD experiments on people And that's the that's the primary theory in the book chaos take chaos by this guy Tom O'Neill They made him crazy. It's buddy. Doons buddy, do you know Fitzsimmons was next door neighbor to this guy, he was writing this book on the Manson family murders

for like 20 years, that's Tom O'Neill, the book's insane. So this Jolly West guy visited Manson when he was in jail, visited Jack Ruby when he was in prison and Jack Ruby went nuts. Wait, before they did the thing? Yeah, before they did the thing. Look, I think what it was was they were trying to get rid of the anti-war movement,

and they were trying to get rid of the civil rights movement, and they were trying to get rid of a bunch of different things that were going on at the same time, and one of the ways they did it was to A, make all drugs illegal, but one of the best ways to make all drugs illegal and discredit the hippies is dose up a bunch of them and get it to murder people in horrific ways, and then all of a sudden sudden the hippies become the most dangerous force in America

and if you've got the power of the media behind you and you've pushed that narrative and you make it happen you know you're essentially waging war on American civilians you're essentially waging like a psychological war on the population that's paying your salary it It is a wild thing they did, but they definitely did it. Damn. Yeah, CIA is fucking lame. They have too much power. Like all groups that have too much power, you're going to do some wacky shit. The Dulles brothers, they can kick rocks as far as I'm concerned. Who's that? Dulles Airport? Yeah, that's them. They might be involved in the assassination of

Kennedy. They probably be involved in the assassination of Kennedy. They probably killed JFK. Oh shit! I think there was a lot of people involved in that. I think that guy was, he was tossing up the apple cart a little too much. Too much? They were like, uh-uh. Too many people.

And back then, again, this was just 50 years past the drawing of people. I mean, like, you go to Vogue and look for a photo from 1890. Good luck, bitch. So, you know, see, here you are look for a photo from 1890. Good luck, bitch So, you know see here you are 60 70 years later. That's nothing Yeah, and then you're dealing with one president that's gonna get rid of the fucking Federal Reserve. Shut the fuck up you are Yeah, shut what the fuck is this guy doing? Yeah, and then he's gonna get in a convertible And I'm Texas where they hated him in Texas pretty balls. it's a good old but they hated him in Texas great headshot they hated him in Texas like Texas was red oh yeah he's driving through Dallas

they hated him you ever go to the X in Dallas yeah go out this one yeah isn't it weird how little it is like the area yeah yeah anybody who says you couldn't make that shot is fucking mines Fucking mines all the arguments that he couldn't make that shot are so stupid you think yeah Didn't get he got three off pretty quick though right here's the thing and he missed one by like a mile It doesn't mean even that that was him It doesn't mean that just means he was in that build I like it We're back on the same page the thing about it is the thing about it is they made up a Theory on the count of three one two three and everyone just shot boom boom boom no they they did something like that

They saw them they probably all had a signal something happened I'm gonna be an umbrella right next to them. They're not if they're gonna shoot the fucking president His wife for real. No there's a guy opening an umbrella for no. No that's nonsense. No you saw it. I've seen that. It's nonsense It's just a guy opening an umbrella Some people think his fucking bodyguard shot him. It's a whole secret service guy shot him Look, it there was probably a bunch of people shooting at him. He got hit in the neck for sure He grabbed his from the front. Yeah from the front. He grabs his neck Yeah, they altered it when they got to the second autopsy. They did two op tossing autopsies

They did they got his body initially in Dallas and then they flew it to Bethesda So in the interim they changed what was listed as an entry hole in his neck To a tracheotomy and they say it's just like no no that was just like lot of shenanigans between the two Autopsies they wouldn't let him do it you got her. Yeah, they took the body They were general showed up. It was heavy-duty shit all people They're like he's got to go the best book on this is best evidence by a guy named David Lifton who was an accountant They hired him to go over the Warren Commission report and he went no. I'm sorry so

Back into the left So this guy goes over this nobody would would read the whole warrant commission report. It's like fucking 900 pages. But this dude read all of it. He read all of it and found all these inconsistencies, all these things that didn't make sense. And so he writes this book about it. His research was just reading it. Yeah, well that's all he had to start doing.

A lot of people died, dude. A lot of people that saw the assassination died in weird ways Bobby to Like a giant number of people that were on the scene. Oh really yeah Yeah, weird ways like they did a statistical analysis of what are the likelihood of all these people being either murdered or suicide Within a short period of time it was very low. Well, thank God for Zapruder. He was like the original world Well, thank god for Zapruder. He was like the original world star. He was the guy, yeah. He was world star. He was out there filming. Isn't it crazy that we know about this because of Dick Gregory?

Is that right? Dick Gregory the comic brought on the Geraldo Rivera show. We know about this because of Geraldo and Dick Gregory. I didn't know that. Yep, they played it live on TV and it's fucking crazy. You gotta imagine, that was 12 years after the assassination. You know Dick Gregory completely stopping a comic to become a full-time activist Yeah, he started that just right around here

Right here he gets hit boom he's hit Is he yes, oh the neck he's hit now. We know something's going on Thank you, I mean he literally got shot in the neck He's hit now. We know something's going on. Yes, I was going away. Nothing. Thank you I mean he literally got shot in the neck. I mean he's already probably dead He's pretty serious, but now watch this one is a rough one. This is why I'm vote for our FK. Oh He's spewing yeah, I mean his head exploded Exploded it's she's like oh, no, it's this is AI enhancement of this, Jamie? It says it's a super slow-mo and sharpened version. That's a good agent.

How come nobody's thrown this Pruder film in the AI to clean this shit up? Yeah! Good point. Bro, that is the wildest video. Can we see that again? Just the head blow. Head blow's tough. You're right, he's probably already dead.

He got hit through the neck with a bullet. He's already dead. He's dead. He just hasn't died yet. You're right. He's probably already dead. He got hit through the neck with a bullet. He's already dead. He's dead He just hasn't died yet. Wait a minute. Oh She's lucky she didn't get in the way So that done again, and then she freaks the fuck out. Holy shit. Who's that guy behind? Who's the guy behind though? Too bad he got everybody's freaking out this gunshots going on This lady she had something to do with it. Oh, yeah, it's a hot she's there with no man. Everybody's freaking out this gunshots going on. She has something to do with it. This lady? She had something to do with it. Oh, yeah, it's a hot cheese there with no man. Here's what's interesting

Here's what's interesting the spray goes forward, but the head goes backwards Yeah, the head goes back into the lap But it doesn't really it does because you open up a hole and it sprays out as and then you go back right but it general Jen Generally doesn't go that way it goes the other way what behind the bullet goes through and then sprays out the back Did the bullet get out the back it could be more than one person hitting him in the head at the same time, too We're starting off heavy, huh? What happened? Oh hello? You know you have to consider. There's probably multiple gunners in the in the grassy knoll

They're not going to take a chance when they're going to assassinate the president. They're going to have multiple dudes shooting Yeah Hmm. That's brain bro. It's brain. That's brain They said that she climbed in this crazy the news report initially said that she climbed out to try to retrieve parts of her husband's brain that is Just not true. Did they say she brought it to the hospital? I don't know. I heard that.

She had it in her pocket. She did look like she went and grabbed something and then went back in the car. She maybe did grab a piece in full shot. Apparently she brought it to the hospital. It is a good one, I know. Tried to give it to them. No, like, can you put the, yeah, I don't know.

Imagine if they can do that. Just glue your brains back together. They can do it with teeth. Like a Justin Bobbin. Same thing. Teeth? Teeth or the brain or the mouth? They can do that just glue your brains back together. They can do it teeth like a Justin Bobbitt The teeth of the brain of the mouth such a wild hey if we're doing this what happened to the bowing guy oh The bowing guy realized that a piece of shit. We tell me what's going on yeah We did figure that out Yeah

We talked about on stage what the bowing guy realized the guy who committed suicide realized that he did a terrible thing By accusing a company of cutting corners and he felt embarrassed. He felt stupid. That he shamed this great company that has done so well for all of us. How many times have we flown on a Boeing plane? And he did the right thing. Boeing planes are amazing. They kill themselves.

He knew it and he was like, what have I done? So he killed himself. But the wheels are falling off, doors are coming off, planes are falling off. That's allegedly. Our pets' heads are falling off. Boeing whistleblower told friend not to believe suicide before he died oh christ oh hey if somebody says i killed myself that means i didn't kill myself anytime you hear that though you're like are you about to kill yourself though what an odd thing to say yeah but it's not if you're julian assange yeah right if you

really think they're gonna whack you that's what what's his name said to McAfee Yeah, a lot of those guys No, no John McAfee is a wild boy He's going because he gets the chiefs John McAfee was one of the only guys Yeah, I didn't even have him live on the podcast I had him on the phone We did a podcast with him when he was running from the law Oh in his country because someone he says they set him up by killing his neighbor, but he was also Allegedly online showing people how to cook meth

Yeah, awesome. There was a account that was linked to him that was like he had a lab in his backyard I mean he is document this dude had a fucking full-on. He was a genius billionaire He's a full-on meth lab. He created McAfee antiviral software. Hell. Yeah, just fuck. Yeah, they have sex back Where was he in believes his house was he in Belize? It's a wild story see if you can find the story of his meth lab in Belize this boy. We have them on our podcast Did you really have people? live Zoom yeah That's amazing. What was this? What year was this during COVID? Did you really want to have people shit through it? Did you have him live in the room? Yeah, on Zoom.

That's amazing. When was this? This was during COVID. It's like a John Goodman character. He's so crazy, dude. He was so funny on this. He was so crazy, but also really was in charge of like anti-virus software. He's a real genius. Yeah, and he was on everyone's computer.

And what he said is that he gives you donated them computers here Have some computers and like malware in at the government, so he gave him like 50 laptops. No, okay Take these look. That's what he says. I Mean, that's how they do it. I mean that's how I would do it. Yeah, if I was him That's how we did it. We sold like That type of we sold like spy technology to our allies. That's why Huawei phones. Yeah. Yeah, that's why you can't buy a Huawei phone.

Huawei phones are like the most sophisticated phones in the world. What was that, what was the alien movie? That's how they beat them. At the end. He was making various types of bath salts. Independence Day, that's how they brought him. Malware.

Look what he says, I think it's the finest drug ever conceived, he wrote of wrote one singling out the indescribable Hypersexuality of the super perv powder, but warning that I had visual and auditory Hallucinations and the worst paranoia of my life that guy That guy had the worst paranoia of his life. Well hitler liked it. Why he's so clean cut there But he's so different when batten shane got to him By the time he fell off to me So when we had a podcast with him he was on the run look at that what a hunk. Look at this nerd

He made himself a friend You know what man something I admire It doesn't like him. He's frowning. You're a nerd. I kind of admire that It doesn't like he's a surrounding nerd. I kind of admire that I admire the billionaire who goes totally off the rails He just lived only with prostitutes. He'd only prostitutes. He's either one of these women shit the work hammock. Yes just yes Apparently he was having ladies shit through a hammock on him Apparently he was having ladies shit through a hammock on him And he was like he was like do I ask you about your sexual proclivities and we're like yeah You asked us if we were gay right away Now he was like if that makes you uncomfortable I've done way more Matt was like from like higher hammocks so the splat was bigger

it was so good dude what a psycho don't you love the fact that there's a guy like that running around of course, I want more guys like that unless you're his neighbor you have to kill him I was like shit again I think they were framing the boy

they might have been or he might have been on that fucking hyper sexuality Drugs he said he was on Let's get rid of him. Oh, he's a guy doing meth who's heavily armed being shit on yeah There's believe here's what happens there allegedly got a bunch of like armed. He just started building an army. Yeah He was he was off He's having fun one of the pros he's still going right also he's like how come this guy gets to have an army oh yeah he got suicided in Spain Boeing'd yeah I think so he got

suicide I think he was when he tweeted he was like if I die it's I didn't do it He's on a pound of crank Fucking Garmin watches I'd be like what 97 Now we could blame them if I did do it bro, you know, that's good I did read my fucking heart. He could have redlined his heart. He's 80 years old doing crank beast How old was the guy when he died? 89 no, He was no way He's in messed up 70s. I bet he was messed up 70s is like 75 yeah, you look good. He was like 70 when we interviewed me up 70s is like Claire him yeah, you know pro athletes when they're 35 their knees are fucked or a fat guy's heart

Yeah, that's a rough fat guys get two seats on the plane speaking knowing Yeah, they get a free seat people they got to go back to coach Free stretch it out Yeah, it's a that's a weird one huh that guy's a interesting fucking character. He would be a great movie Yeah, yeah, yeah in the movie have him kill his neighbor to that fuck yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're beside It's your move. Let's let's kill yeah, and you gotta get the hammock I feel like the neighbor probably sucked yeah, it is because they were awesome because they only mowed the glass hey Could you ever do something to his dog to that's what I heard what yeah the neighbor did something to his dog maybe?

He'll let his dogs over the line. That's what I'm saying. You gotta go full John. It's cool when John wick did it Yeah, that's how you do it exactly. My dog imagine hurting Carl. Yeah, I would never shoot my neighbor. Yeah Be like they killed my dog not just Doing math be like they killed my dog not just Meth he Engineered in a fucking lab he built on his property bring any documented online He wanted the community to know about this meth lab He wanted to know about how proficient his meth lab was no fucking really like Scientifically accurate everything he was measuring everything perfectly know, beakers and all this shit.

He documented it all. It's awesome. He fucking meth lab in Belize. He's not the neighbor of mine. And then you can call it bath salts all day, but what it is is just, that's just engineered meth. That's what bath salts was, is they took bath salts. What's the other meth, non-engineered?

It's just different. It's like, so there's different, like there's, there's different things that you can do to a compound So it's not exactly the same compound. He made his own man like five methoxy Dimethyltryptamine was legal for a while because it wasn't technically dimethyltryptamine. It's even stronger than So they add an oxygen molecule to it. Look this is better than meth. It's if you can Engineer meth if you're a super genius who makes fucking software that can stop viruses I bet you'd figure out I'd make some killer. Yeah, and this dude cooked up some fine shit apparently

Damn, yeah, I want to try it I have a feeling you never want to go back to normal Like flying first class that was one of the things that lady said the lady in the FTX the lady in the FTX trials. She was talking about how Being on amphetamines all the time makes you realize how normal sober interaction how fucking boring they are And she like tweeted it. I would take I would take Adderall at work. I know it was great Whoa, it's not at all. I was working like customers. I was front desk talking to people. I was like, hey, I was nice. So he got whacked. That's dollar sign whacked.

So he got whacked for money? Is that what it means? This is when he said, if I suicide myself, I didn't. Okay. Getting subtle messages from US officials saying in effect We're coming for you McAfee you got up. We're going to kill you you we we're going to kill yourself Wait a set. Yeah, that's an interesting way to say I got a tattoo today Just in case if I suicide myself, I didn't I was whacked check my right arm So what happened to him though? It was a suicide or was it something else? He wasn't was he in Spanish prison. He was in prison He was just about to be extradited when he was found supposedly hanging

Shouldn't have happened but the one looked into it the Spanish Authority said suicide of course they did of course. That's what they were paid to say that's what the Suicide of course they did of course that's what they were paid to say that's what the money So you're getting a tattoo saying hey if it comes out that I'm dead It's because somebody like killed me and instead you got an artful shwacked Yeah, it looks nice Why would they kill him that's what I don't get why don't we have fun he knew too much about what did he do all the all the malware yeah NSA massage they all got the so what do you think it is

you think he found some stuff out when he was like I think he was like one of the architects of that type of thing I think he probably fucked with them and they were like don't fuck with us why'd you give us malware now we're gonna say I'm gonna tell everybody right he's on meth. He's going I'm gonna tell everybody Oh, he's talking shit They like to talk on meth and if he really did have all their stuff that is a crime Like if he really did install malware and get top-secret shit that they'll kill you for that Mm-hmm, they might not even bother taking you after the Bennett joined the bent

MGM T Maca fan said he and his team exploited a flaw in the Android operating system that allowed him to read encrypted messages from WhatsApp. Whoa. Oh, he could read messages. Because MEDU investigated, reported he had sent reporters malware-infected phones to make this hack work.

Whoa. You can't ruin his reputation, either. Of course the phones had malware on them. He said, how that malware got there is the story, which we will release after speaking with Google. Good for you. It involves a serious flaw in the Android architecture. Crazy move.

Look at this. It involves a serious flaw in the Android architecture. What is that flaw? I just wanted to make the MGMT joke. MGMT? Go back to that Jimmy, go back to that. It says McAfee moved MGT to mining of Bitcoin and other cryptocurrencies.

Oh, he's a criminal. Yeah, he rules. It's like when Suge Knight said he stuck EZE on Kimmel. Oh yeah, get made. He was like, you know, there's lots of ways to kill somebody He makes just like hire someone to stick him with a needle with fucking AIDS You know what I'm talking about and everyone in the audience like What though he did that on Jimmy Kimmel? Yeah, he was wearing a flak jacket

But how wild cool Jimmy Kimmel had shook night on it was cool Kimmel, right? No, you can get canceled today for having crystal e on your podcast. Yeah You can get canceled today for having Chris D'Alia on your podcast. Yeah. I mean, can you fucking imagine? You bringing Suge Knight on? Yeah. The dude hung vanilla ice off a balcony. Was it vanilla ice?

Yeah. He just ran over again. By his ankles. Ran over again and killed him on video. Jeff Ross, frightened. Whoa. Terrified. Terrified.

Oh, this is back then. Yeah. Kimmel had no one back then this was a get Yeah, he's pretty much saying I fucking it's a while with AIDS. That's why I progressed. That's a wild conversation Shug night looks like Kimmel. It's Karl Malone My god, he does is you nailed it! Oh my god he does. Is that Leguizamo? Is it? Yeah. Imagine Leguizamo was the first guest before Suge Knight.

Who gives a fuck about some actor Leguizamo? Leguizamo rules, dude. Shut up. He was in Super Mario Bros. Leguizamo rules. Leguizamo rules. Leguizamo was in John Wick, you piece of shit. Leguizamo rules, dude.

I don't dare you. I take it back. I take it back. I don't dare you. Was in John wick you piece of shit rules Feed up people sell them all the time. They got the stuff to call they get blood from somebody with AIDS that shoots you with it oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah wait a minute while he takes a puff of a cigar with a murder remember those days when there was like a number or a color rather Let's go to the store it's yellow Let's go to stand up. We're gonna stay home if it's orange fucking orange I'm not going anywhere what a great way to make everyone stay home on a day They needed them to what a great way to test that you could freak people out How quickly you forgot about those colors that was a weird one the color system for terrorism after 9-eleven

Oh, yeah, they tried it they tried it We were like come on Fucking terrific at the email saying avoid the mall October 21st. There's going to be an attack on a mall. That's just the Jewish emails You guys got secret emails Tunneling yeah You never got those in the week you'd like the couple years after like we got there's Intel's I mean on this day in A mall or in this day. Oh fucking I got an amber alert today. You guys get that Yeah, Texas goes wild with amber. Yeah, you know what? I don't miss about really depressing way to start the forest fires

Oh, yeah, the fires were crazy in California. You ain't never seen anything like it. They're here now. Yeah Bullshit, listen they they're they're bad But not they're not bad like it is in LA because it doesn't rain there, right? Everything like you know they have those things like the colors for fires or you with the fire warning. It was always red It was always red It's not read for like three months out of the year not smoke a cigarette on Laurel Canyon If you're an asshole, these fucking assholes that throw cigarettes out the window

when they're done with them, these littering cocksuckers. You're not even allowed to smoke in your car with the windows up on the way up Laurel Canyon. You're not? Yeah, when it's like dry. It's that bad? They're like, don't. Because it just goes up in a blaze.

So I was coming home one night, I got evacuated three times when I lived in California. Three fucking times. But I was coming home one night in the whole side of the highway I was coming from home from fear factor the whole side of the highway for an hour was on fire You saw this pictures from your flip phone bro. It was it was just like one side of the highway one side green It was mad. Yeah, it was like it was like a scene from the fucking that's what it's like. That's what it's like Whoa, it was like a scene from the fucking that's what it's like. That's what it's like Whoa, it was like a scene from fucking a Hobbit movie

Why are we driving that way the ring Apocalyptic dude this was not nearly as bad as this is the 405 But this is this is much more contained than what I saw Wow, I saw was an hour of driving, a full hour going like 40 miles an hour, 50 miles an hour. Were you hot? No, but it was raining ashes like snow. So you were seeing ashes fall out of the sky like snow. The whole right side of the highway. And dude, sometimes that shit jumps. You get a cross wind, it jumps it jumps it hits a car it gets other cars

There was in Northern, California a whole highway full stop cars everybody died yikes everybody got consumed by fire Where you going? This is like my way praying Donald Trump. Please help us Please save us Jesus Christ, and you don't know where the fire is you're just guessing it's not like fire I'm going right to it. He's taking it. Oh, no. No you don't know where you're driving. You can't see this The windy road to some poor uber eats driver is like I'm gonna get there bro. This is so nuts man This is so nuts. Oh Man, so this is what I don't miss and I know they have fires out here But bro you ain't never seen fires like those dry climate High grasses and the worst is when it rains a lot early in the year because then you get extra grass

Always dies off when it stops raining everything turns brown But it's natural fires right like it's supposed to happen We saw the side of my somebody lit off behind Pink Dot, behind my old window. You saw it start just there. It's like a straight uphill with like, it just, gone. Gone. Within like 20 minutes,

it goes in like a little, like one bush on fire. Yeah. It burns through the houses. Yikes. There was one time in LA, when we were at the store, and above Pink Dot was on fire. That was it.

That was that, wasn't it? Yeah. Was I watching that with. Yeah, was that But was that what the one we were like seeing the helicopters fly overhead They were trying to dump water on it planes were dumping water on it. It was nuts War was going on right above the sign There was yeah, I saw I was right up that hill. Yeah, I was in Salt Lake I was driving to Stan hoax down in Bisbee. There was like, it was crazy. I was driving, you could watch the helicopters

picking up the water out of the lake and flying over the highway and dropping it on the mountain that was on fire. Then I got to the fucking Grand Canyon and it had just burned. For real, like two hours straight, it was just the moon. Like there was no vegetation, it was just stumps. Everything was black, it was crazy. It was just the moon like there was no Vegetation it was just stumps Everything was black it was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy those forest fires are wild

That's a wake-up call to how vulnerable we really are that was the one time where people in LA were cool Like everyone was so cool after the fires early hi Good to see you. Yeah, how would you be alive? Did you remember in New York when fucking Canada caught on fire? That's a crazy those missed. I'm here. You know the conspiracy theory about that. They popped up pretty quickly So I'm just saying I don't know whole Manhattan was full of ash and dark smoke Conspiracy is the color of the smoke The color of the smoke was strange red it coincided with There was a shipment that was lost.

The shipment that was lost somewhere was some kind of chemical, and this chemical, it was a toxic chemical, and there was a high volume of it, and it was lost, and then all of a sudden these fires break out in Canada, and this fucking orange smoke is making its way across New York, weird smoke, like a weird color smoke now that could be I'm a Moron that could be the Sun the way

Fuck it son. I've never seen orange smoke before it was orange I was a long talk it look weird nor has anybody that I know ever seen like that kind of orange They told everybody to change every filter in your car. Whoa. It was like emails. Did anybody do like an analysis of the smoke and go, what the fuck is this? No. Is it just smoke? Or did something burn somewhere that was toxic? Never done a smoke analysis.

I was doing shows. I was doing shows at the Comedy Cell. You were doing shows in that orange smoke? Walking around in that shit? I didn't know. I woke up late that day. It was only when I had enough. Could you tell on the ground

The first day I was like what am I fucking this hungover that it's like one day was cloud everything's hazy Yeah, right did it look orange? Until like night two or three day two or three See it coming. It was crazy like it first. It was just slightly smoggy. You were like I don't know I remember driving in being like this is fucking weird am I dumb? Because no one's mentioning anything and I was like it's fucking weird out right yeah, and then by the yeah by the The most like the height of it. It was fucking insane. It was just orange. It was like Ghostbusters. It was scary come on that seems weird It was scary. It was weird isn't that weird look at the color 2pm 2pm look at that if it's like Rachel Dole is all I'm not I'm not a chemist ladies and gentlemen. I don't know anything about

Smog color, but that seems highly unusual It's super unusual. I'm just gonna say that There's Conspiracy theories that are warranted to round didn't get it nearly as bad as New York well it's because it was coming down towards us can you flip through these faster yeah once you move quick Jesus only take That was just one day. That was just one day. Oh yeah. You guys can't look. Old eyes. Old eyes. How dare you, young Jamie.

You Jamie, you're being so nasty today. You tried that earlier. I'm sick of it. Jamie, why are you so hostile today? Young Ari, can you hand me a beer please? There we go. Sure, Shane. Sure.

Fit Shane. Hey, I've heard about, there's these things, Shane, there's these things called Lucy's. You've ever heard of Lucy? Oh, I know about Lucy's. That has 12 milligrams? Lucy breakers? They have 12 milligrams. This is six. Oh's you've ever know about Lucy's that has 12 million breakers They have 12 milligrams. This is six. Oh, you don't want that 12. That's too much. Don't say that when you say that I want to my man is that from Tucker. I don't like that You know fucking gas station. You're four to twelve twelve milligrams

I think it's a weight thing I think it's a weight I don't sure around guy you could consume a lot of alcohol. That's true. Yeah, I Don't know yeah, Lucy's good, but no one consumes alcohol like tall people tall big people like Shane big people my friend Justin I got a friend Justin call it this motherfucker can put it down Yeah, and he makes you keep drinking with him, and's like 350 pounds Yeah, just as big giant. Who's like come on, bro one more. I'm like, okay lineman It's always that one more. You know, you're destroyed of course He's got like twice the body of you Shane's the king of that comes into like the cellar more nevers acknowledge I said, come on one. Come on

Get him that one that's really a crown and Cokes though know that's your first barging trip get him that one then we go crown and cokes though That's different. That's a different animal me and uh, DeRosa makers makers and coke Oh, fuck you up. Me and DeRosa came down to Austin and we were like, I'll go we'll go hang out We'll have two drinks at every bar. We were just walking around. I was getting two Bud Lights at every bar Oh, Jesus, he's drinking whiskey at every bar. Oh my god by like at the fifth bar. He was like We were walking to a bar and he was like, oh shit man, you know how fucked up? I was like, no, I've been drinking light beers. That's my thing.

Taking hours. This is all whiskey. No, you have two drinks every time we do this. I'm already on number two. What, DeRosa's done? What are you on, three beers? Don't count mine, I'll catch you. I'm count, I'm autistic, I count.

That was the Stanhope strategy for years. Stanhope was like, I just take a slow drip of alcohol through light beer. And I was like, I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. I'm autistic. You don't go over the edge. What your rose is done is when he says let's do shots like you're fucked up You're about to leave you're about to leave, but the coke brings him back to life Yeah, the road so brought his sandwiches the club you're great. They are great fucking amazing very good He gave me a roast beef with prosciutto with like boy like some kind of peppers in there He said is I forget whose favorite sandwich was maybe what I'm fucking fantastic shockingly likeable guy Love Joe

Funny motherfucker to bring the heat. It's just a good dude man And he said I was like dude open up a place here is like we're talking about it So I hope they do I need like a real good sub shop come a lot He'll come by lot. They're fucking good. Oh, he'll come by. He should move here. Well, he's coming back in April. He's doing my podcast again next month. Oh, he's worthless in New York.

I love that dude. Is he? Yeah, get him down here. He can make a name for himself. Why is he worthless in New York? Well, nobody respects him. He's ugly. He's adopted.

He's adopted. He's burned a lot of bridges. Oh yeah. Listen, this is a land of rebuilding. Yeah. That's right. That's what they said after they stole it from the Comanche. It's a land of rebuilding. But you burned it.

We gave them a casino. I don't even think they have a casino. No, they don't get a casino. They don't get a casino. They were too fierce. They were nasty. They had to put them in their fucking... They're gonna need box cutters if they get a casino.

They had to put that fire out. You guys should get something in Germany like a water park Is that a Comanche that's legit Blood of the white man on it. No, that's why we got it. It's probably got some beer blood Oh, that's probably from before the white man even showed up and fucked everything up. It's so smooth I have a friend who has a ranch out here that apparently was where the Comanche lived And it's just overrun with arrowheads. They carve them down? Well they make them. It's called flint napping They actually put a piece of buckskin over their knee and they hold this like slate. Oh Jesus Christ. Don't do that That's like literally it could be a thousand years old like who fucking't even know how old that thing is a spell on me

Yeah, it's actually probably about four or five hundred years old. Well, but Allegedly, I don't know. This is what someone told me but the thing is that like these fucking guys man They've made those things by knocking rocks together. There's like a very specific way It's called flint napping Like you knock it off to make a flake and then you have to like knock it against like something soft like your Leg and they chip away till they make this razor edge to these things Jesus like a they figure out how to do it and These fucking things are all over this guy's ranch. He sent me a bunch of them He sent me like ones that are like sauce marked off by like this this like this is got this guy's Flint napping

They had all the time in the world you did not know no this guy's a guy that like the knows how to recreate this shit I'm fun hard they get it tell this guy fucks like one of those with like a leather butcher apron on yeah This is these people are a problem though because some of these people are not this guy I'm not saying this guy, but some of these people are unethical and then they go leave the area sand Oh look what I found well the appropriation too. It does look pretty real. It looks a lot like that one

You know what's okay to appropriate Indians white people you see the Indians white people I see the It's like Boston Globe they had a photo of st. Patrick's Day, and it's black dude dressed like a leprechaun. I'm like hey What are we doing? fucking Who the fuck is that guy? Who the fuck is that guy? That's how everyone listens to that accent. It's like, hey, what are we doing here? You're just like, sticking it in everybody's face. You couldn't find an Irish guy in Boston?

It's literally their holiday? Acting is harder than UFC. Because he's in Roadhouse. That was a quote from Connor. Acting is harder than UFC. Listen to me. That's not true Okay, acting Roadhouse or fight could be began shut the fuck

Crazy talk that's crazy. I think he probably just meant that he's bad at it He broke his fucking leg in a fight. Oh, he broke his leg like that's harder. Yes Actually harder Yes, that's way harder than what's actually hard. I think you're making a statement He said it, but it level of if he's good at it or not right the guys promoting a movie there you go He's making a great promoter Completely blown out versus doing An amazing promoter. He's the best promoter in the history of the sport. No one even comes close There's Conor McGregor

Everybody else can we bring up that what interview him on the red carpet just alone out. Oh, yeah out of his fucking Reveals why acting is harder than that's just a clickbait bullshit headline that you fell for son reveals why? This is acting is harder Time consumption is it my wife's jam you can do it any time consumption? He's in my wife's GMs. You can do it better than me. Hold on, I can't, I can't. Hold on. Go ahead, acting is harder. Time, time, time, time. I gotta see him, because he's on Coke for this one.

Just saying. Go for it, go for it. Go for it, go for it. Time, time, consumption and it's not just acting and fighting. You got it, you got it, you got it, you got it. You're on it, you're on it. You got it. No, you got it, dude.

Get fired up. Take a deep breath. Come on. This is harder than UFC. No, you got it dude get fired up So remembering their line and you have some things You got it let me see him say it so I can Just give me a little bit. We just need a little it's just a difficult game and a lot more difficult than I give it credit Yeah, he's double

There he is. Who's the lady? Time consumption All right, I can get it now now time consumption time consumption it takes a lot of time there's a lot of sitting around you're gonna be on a set 16 hours a day you're probably gonna be sitting around for 10 waiting for your especially if you're Connor you're not Jake Lillin Hall yeah you're gonna be waiting around for your line yeah we don't need you again till tomorrow this time Mike what was it like when you kissed that cowboy did you really kiss him was a CGI do it do a conor accent for me torn consumption what was it like when you

kissed the cowboy yeah you fucked him so hard he killed himself, huh? He OD'd because he fucked his ass. It was just shame. But he wasn't into it. That's correct. The shame of it. That lost the Oscar to some bullshit. That was a great movie. Do you think it should have won? That was a good fucking movie.

Great movie. Ang Lee. You were what? Crushing Tiger? The same guy who did The Hulk. Yeah. Oh, he did that. What did it lose to? The Eric Bana Hulk. That's right. That was a good one. That was a good one. That's the first CGI Hulk mmm

That's a good hunk dude He's one of my favorite honk Oiled up though bro that was really Bronson No, no, that's Tom Hardy. Oh, that's right. He's also What did Eric but Eric Banner did an indie movie early on that was really good. Eric Bana? Yeah. Eric Bana's, oh that looks like him. Look at those tits. Look at them tits. Damn, he's got some pants.

Oh no, it was about the guy, the jail guy. Gregory Beck. Who was it about? What was that movie? He was in Gladiator. The movie about the guy that was in jail. It wasn't Bronson What was the movie about the guy that there's some crazy? Psychotic guy that was like an australian chopper. That's what I never heard of that. That's awesome Dude, that's a great movie. That was burnt Yeah Chopper who's fat chopper choppers about this dude. Can you show me the the time again?

It's about this dude who was like this crazy fucking criminal an Australian Australia's most notorious criminal Mark chopper read and his years of crime interest in violence drugs and prostitutes It's a fucking crazy Eric Banner knocks it out of the park crazy movie and Eric Banner knocks it out of the park. He knocks it out of the park in that movie. It's a great movie. I feel like he's out sitting out. I haven't seen him in a while. He's just being a hunk dude. Hunk it up. Give me some of this. Oh we can't play it because of fucking YouTube. Listen to YouTube I love you but come on. Don't get silly. And you play YouTube videos? What? That's a problem. Oh no. It's like our favorite thing.

That's what we do. We can play them but then they have to all get cut out. What about TikTok? What? You play TikTok guys? It's a problem with copyright shit. What about home movies? Do you show, you got some movies?

No but I mean there's one of those, the rules are wrong. We need to see a little home video. Widdle Ari in Israel, where his dreams got dashed. Hey, this is all bullshit. Uh. Learned it through little Ari. Little, little, little, little Ari. Do you remember the moment when you decided

that you were gonna fall out of religion? When I was like, oh, hold on, fuck, I wasted a lot of time. What was the moment? It was night, 19 in Israel and Jerusalem. Oh, you were there. Was there a thing that happened? I was there.

Was there a thing that happened? Yeah, I was just like,'m done. This is a lot. I don't care about this Yeah, the Iron Dome got bombed. What'd you say? I just remembered I was I was like if we can't show YouTube we got to find funny videos, and I have a very funny video I guess and it's an at the JMo. God damn it What can we show so annoying the thing is if you have the volume and they see the image you get hit with a copyright claim Right when they want to be on here. It's Look we're fucking doing an ad for chopper. Yeah, exactly that fucking movie was awesome and Eric Banner was awesome I've never even heard of it. Oh there you go. That was the big movie that he made it

We've seen magic with the guy from Westworld. It's real similar to Bronson though isn't it? I've never seen that one But is it Bronson like a similar situation? It's like a crazy criminal guy. Yeah, that's why I got mixed up But you know Tom Hardy's doing jiu-jitsu. He's a sexy man. Yeah, I think Tom Hardy kissed guys too He's by Tom Hardy no effing way. He probably got tired of pussy. He's so good-looking. He probably got tired of pussy. Yeah Look at him. You know who's in Band of Brothers Was he? He was in Warrior briefly. Band of Brothers might have been the best series of all time everyone no one gives a credit good good series That's crazy people give a credit. Nah, it's never talked about they talk about the wire It was a mini series cause it was only one season. Well they keep going they got masses of air they're still doing it

Look at his young ass Look at his lips, he's got some DSL's Oh my god what sweet lips. Go to Tom Hardy and warrior? I'm Hardy wait Tom Hardy Look at him a warrior hot. She much. Look at those traps I'd like to shit on Talking hot guys. Shut up Eric Banner was chopper. I got chopper confused with Bronson Bronson was Tom Hardy warrior, bro It's a good time to be a whore. Jilling Hall jacked is nice too. He's jacked Well, he was great at the Huffball. You ever see Southpaw? Yeah, nobody watched that. That's a good

Yeah, it was a fun one. I saw it on a plane. You know what I like is Miles Teller in bleed for this that was a good boxing movie. Oh, yeah, but the Italian guy what's his name? Rhode Island accident, bro. Look at that. That's a hot guy And he was plowing with his food He looks like that guy got in fucking serious shape That's ridiculous. He's hotter than his sister nice medicine all right, so this is I gotta tell you guys underrated movie Oh, it's about Vinny Pazienza. Yeah Yeah, all right. I sent Jamie this video. It's I

My friend Nate Marshall I told him I wouldn't share this the black he is black. Yes. He's not the only black Black he's the number one. He's the best black out there He's the number one. He's the best black out there So we were is the black supremacist this is me Santino and big cat we're at Barstool We're shooting around That's Santino. That's me. That's big cat Nate Nate Said he was he was he was like I'm not my way to everyone's gone to shoot the ball cuz I haven't shot in a while Yeah, but while we're still out here picks one up wait till you see this fucking shot Not the black anymore

We were everyone was like He didn't make it to the pain What the fuck again you gotta see the first one Ted Cruz? What the fuck? Let me see that again. You gotta see the first one. Ted Cruz is a better basketball player. That's a dude who severely overestimates his ability to throw things. He made it to the basket on the floor. I've been there. I've been there. That's a tough feeling.

He was sad and weighed like his hands... His hands behind his back and hasn't even hit the arc yet. Has he ever played? No chance. No chance. He's a fisher listen I talk a lot of shit, but my ten-year-old beat me at horse once oh Basketball sucks, but you're not black you're not expected anything of you. What the fuck was that? Yeah fuck yeah? She's ten you guys see Bobby Kelly working out. No he does that

We got videos of Bobby Kelly working out We got video on Jones oh see my Tyson throw throw basketballs No, Mike. Tyson's terrible He's awesome at fucking people up though terrible at basketball So what's John doing? He's gonna dunk No, it hit him on the head. Yeah, you see Connor try to throw a football none of the UFC guys can do it John is not gonna hurt himself. Yeah, like going full clip full the growing is yeah full sagura blowing his knee out Which can fucking happen sure you get a little wacky get a little wacky

We're not afraid to get a little wacky with his explosiveness though Yeah, I tore my meniscus in my knee once wearing fucking jeans doing a kicking contest with Joe Schilling I need once wearing fucking jeans doing a kicking contest with Joe Schilling Tour my name is kiss it still was fucked up for like a year after that whoo You gotta see Bobby Kelly working out you can't just do stuff. I know Ship right well you gotta know your 50 year old lesbian He's gonna look like a 50 year old lesbian He's gonna look like that 50 just work

74 he's gonna look like an old woman working it. No, this is no show this artino found security first. They had a private workout Why you fitness shaming my friend also, yeah, I just I texted to you do we have to watch this can I see it first to decide? I feel bad We're talking to can I just say this before we keep going I didn't get a chance to compliment him after I just trashed him I love Bobby. I love all right. Yeah, we all love but I just trashed him, and then we kept moving Bobby's my boy I want to make sure he just did my potty killed it. He's's a great human being. I've known Bobby for like 30 years. Lap band, he's fat again. No he's not.

Oh he's back. No, no. Oh yeah, need to go back on the lap. Another lap. He's not that fat. Oh he's big baby. Really? Yeah, I just had him on.

Oh, that sucks. No, he's normal. He's not even close. He's husky. Every time I see him it's still like I remember the old you. So every time it's like, oh, I'm nowhere near the old him. He's Hot Bobby. What? Hot Bobby.

No, I remember the Fat Bobby. And you haven't seen him in like two months. Well, I met Bobby when he was like 20. Oh, that was Hot Bobby. Yeah, I met Hot Bobby. He looked Puerto Rican. Pulling out a hair. Oh, yeah, he was with the Allen the Monkeys. Allen the Monkeys was like a comedy troupe that would, and Dane Cook was the main guy. Oh, yeah, he was with Allen the monkeys Allen the monkeys was like a comedy troupe that way And Dane cook was the the main guy. Oh really you don't look any fatter. Yes, so this video of him falling

It's like zero No, man, it's like zero I'm gonna try to work out this idiot I'm okay. Oh, I'm okay really heavily dressed. He's like got a beanie on he's got the beanie on That's bad right there. I think I'm real. Oh shit. Oh, it's a lot of weight Oh fuck Rowan Atkinson, but he had the wherewithal to not let go of the weight So it didn't fall on his fucking head It's like Pelosi in the drink He didn't let it go he's still holding it. Yeah, that's what kept him alive humping that machine. That's a fucking five-pound weight

What was he doing that's a 25 try to do decline benchpress It's a tough move fuck would he be Using gas on bench because he's been working out. They want to mix it up He wants to do some of these he needs some fucking kettlebells is like decline. He keeps going he does in the second keep going He does it when it's a little bit. He does it this keeps you funny though If he was killing this he wouldn't be as funny. He's still trying to do it. Those are eight pound weights wouldn't be as funny. He's still trying to do it. Alright, those are eight pound weights. This is my grandmother with cancer does this. Can we zoom in on the weight? What are we doing here? Intensify? Yeah, enhance. There's two numbers there. Quadrant D3, enhance. I think it says 6.0.

6.0? You gotta see first he goes to the plates and he goes, uh, actually nah. You know what dude? Look he's looking at those plates and he goes, uh, we're not gonna do that plates You know what dude, I got these bends do a little he's so lucky to know it again you piece of shit One more time oh my god, I've been nice By the way, he's an asshole all of us so fuck it He's never an asshole to me. Well. Yeah, it's different, but I've known like I said forever. Yeah, I've known him forever I've known him since he was a problem with all these tall guys over over five days that goes you yeah Well, he was confident when you knew her than him. Yeah, yeah, I'm known that first time. I met him He was I had fucking I don't like your confidence here. Yeah

Welcome to the comedy scene. He's a guy. It's out of love your piece of shit he's always like you youngsters I'm like are he's 51 yeah good day I'm holding your kid he's like boss like you're a middle I'm like I'm doing better than you like your fucking middle yeah well some guys you stay a middle forever that's it that's true that was Boston. That's true in Boston He's a fucking middle act. How's he doing good? Vols in an arena man of all the things we just said about Bobby that he'll be mad at me saying he's like boss I meant he's like boss when it comes to like talking shit Oh, yeah, and when you're new and you show up like boss will be the first guy to be like look at you

Yeah, what are you doing? That's true? They're both the and it's out of love It's out of love like seeing if you can hang yeah, right like are you gonna get upset some talk shit about you? Come on. We're having fun. So many people have told me boss was mean no It's like he's the nicest sweet possibly guys And this is one of the best things can ever happen is you bomb and then you hang out with your friends? Yeah, and you go. Oh my god. I just ate dick bro What the fuck happened to you up there, and then you're laughing you feel terrible But at least everybody's laughing and you're having a good time and busting each other's balls Yeah, I probably watched 15 people walk out. No. Yeah

each other's balls. I probably watched 15 people walk out. No, yeah, there's people who walk out shitting their head. That was funny. That was funny. It was fucking hot death, dude. What happened? Montgomery tried to do that to me the other night at the Mother's. I got off stage and I was like, you know, I always do.

This time I meant it because I actually did do very bad. I was like, fuck, I sucked up there. And he was like, yeah, what was that? As soon as he said that, I was like, you fucking worry about you, motherfucker. Don't worry about me. You're ready to said that I was like you fucking worried about you Myself this second somebody else was like yeah, that sucked. I was like don't ever worry about what I'm doing He was like God I'll never do that again Never know we in a play together like we have a real conversation Yeah, what was that free bear claw from a dumpster

Okay, I Went too hard on him. I feel bad about it. Well. He was the best He murdered last night on kill Tony. I mean fucking murdered fresh minute does a fresh minute every week all right he's got a Minute that style is like he could write about anything so his style and if you know who he is he's so ridiculous It's one of those things like headberg like when mitch headberg would go on after like a rapper like they would they would put them on After like comedy rap and it would be death But once people figured out it was Mitch Hebert and he got appropriate opening acts then people came Like typical down-the-line comedy and they're like not this weirdo Some guys would play music and they would have funny songs they'd close with that and then they'd have Hebert go up

Man Hebert was great. He'd go on letterman and a joke would bomb and you go I'm aware of that joke is stupid Which you never saw on late night. It was so polished Yeah, my mom loves those applause breaks. Mitzi she gave him two spots once he was gonna be in town She gave him two spots and then somebody called in whoever and she was like, oh cancel that new guy and I was like working the phones like comedy hero Cancel him missy didn't like yeah call that head bird guy tell him he's got one less spot Hey, I'm sorry. No, he's

Yeah, so Tuesday's out Okay, Jeremy Dingle called her who somebody somebody that she liked at the, whoever it was, I don't know. It didn't matter. It was like, the fucking headbutt's gonna do a spot! Let me do a spot! Was her finger that far off the pulse? Yeah. Very far. Yeah, by the knife.

She hated Louis, she hated Seinfeld. She hated Louis, she hated Seinfeld at the time. No, it wasn't just that. She didn't know about anything that was going on outside the store, nor did she give a fuck. But she seemed kind of like a gimmick. She seemed like a gimmick? She seemed to like a gimmick. She would have liked him then.

Yeah, she had some wacky ideas about selling sitcoms and she wanted comics. But that was what was going on back in the day. So you gotta imagine, that's why the comic store has podcasts now. Why? Because we all started podcasts, the podcasts got huge. So back in the day,

the comic store was seeing all these comics developing and getting sitcoms. Like from all the way from Chico and the man with Freddie Prince You know he was like the first the first comic to got a fucking sitcom And then there was Sanford and son was that along that time with red Fox and then it was of course Roseanne and Tim Allen And Seinfeld and Brett Butler, so that was the formula everybody wanted to get a fucking sitcom So Mitzi had these ideas of like developing sitcoms so she took created these like characters you should be this guy right she named men see she's trying to fire what do you mean

named it Wow it's not just right yeah she was right it but it was not this that was like a bunch of different things like she made she wanted people to do things She went there's not as bad as like some com some comedy club owners had terrible fucking suggestions Yeah, they're always playing grab us trying to kiss me or something. Yeah, yes My buddy open for Gallagher and he was you know, Joe list and Gallagher's like you're You should do a whole basketball thing. Like you should come on stage with a basketball

and then dunk it and then do your act. And List was like, I'm not gonna do that. I probably was gonna do a bow wearing jokes. Like Kid Rock will hit you with advice. He was hitting me, he was like, you dress like shit up there. You should be wearing a suit and a bow tie. Bow tie? both Sinatra

like those guys use you could really separate yourself yeah I like it it's like I'll never I'll never get right yeah I'm thinking he's right he was the first to facetime me after SNL to be like dude he facetimed he was like how do you think you did are you calling me to tell me I fucking bombed you dickhead? How do you use it he was fucking with me he's funny, but how do you think you did I like you want to be? I live dude. Yeah, you should get a bow tie that was right. Why you only was like that was pussy shit He was like you should have went on that he said retarded said no no I know but for him That's he what he saw he saw my stand-up show and was like you you should have went all day. He said retarded, he said gay. No, no, I know. But for him, that's, he saw my stand-up show

and was like, you're not going hard enough. Oh, wow. You need to say the N-word. He's like, I don't know. That wasn't his actual note for the record. Sure. All right. He'll get rowdy, though.

Yeah. We haven't done this since you did SNL. Oh, yeah. We did. We don't need you. Yeah, he and I did one. Actually, I don't think we did. I don't think we did.

No, that was before. Didn't you and I? Oh. Any nuggets behind the scenes that no one knows? You know, Green Room. Oh, Nuddy was it? Green Room and podcasts spill over so much. How Nuddy was it?

It was so weird, such a fucking corporate thing. You got in there finally. I liked it. What a completion of fucking of a storyline. Yeah, it was fun. I know, but it seems like a fun night. It is a fun night. Just to do the sketches and fuck around and the party. It is. My family was there The party kind of sucks when you're the when you I've been to the party a bunch of times and it's great Yeah, sometimes. It sucked even knowing the guy. We're like, hey, we're gonna

Say goodbye to another fucking person. So we can go drink. The whole time I just had to say hello Thank you. Goodbye to every single person that was there but a wedding It was exactly like a wedding. Did it feel like like a rite of passage? What did it feel like for you? It's a cool win. I think it's cool I think it's nice for that. I mean obviously it just brought the story back up again. Yeah You were defended quite a bit, but it was also it's like honestly this was like them saying sorry yeah exactly that's cool That's what it was admission of guilt it was it was closest they can come to an admission of guilt yes Had to here's a good is an acknowledgement of talent It's like recognizing haze this guy might be one of the biggest comics ever and it's happening right now

And we should probably get back on board. Yeah, I think it's too late. Don't go 20 years. I also took it I agree, but it's an it's annoying with the cancel shit cuz they go he's doing great What are you talking about? He's also a good comic who worked his way up and has a sketch show and all this other shit and sells a ton of Tickets well, so they have to acknowledge it. Yeah, but that's not always the goal just to become undeniable Yeah, but if you were doing that goal just to become undeniable sure yeah But if you were doing that well and not doing well like nationally they wouldn't be like Not huge you still got fucked it's better for everybody if they don't get

the words it's better for everybody everybody knows the truth better for everybody rules because he also keeps them silly they stay silly what do you mean silly you stay silly you say you stay ridiculous you stay like you're ready you've made ridiculous decisions oh Oh, I see. You got kind of a ridiculous enterprise. You stay ridiculous. You stay ridiculous. Yeah, that's what it is. The worst starship ever.

You've got this thing. You're trying to be the fastest runner and you're wearing 150 pounds in your back. And you had a fast runner and you dropped him. Yeah. It's like stay ridiculous. Don't apologize. Stay on the course. It's better for you. Don't sing a song the course they go back to it's better for you

Don't sing a song around up here. Oh, no, I agree. I just get a know it. Yeah look Yeah, I I thought it was a nice. I thought it was nice Yeah, I think it's a good like if we're gonna talk about all the like culture shit I think it's cool. They brought me back and it's cool. I said yes I think it's a nice moment for yes, because it's I don't want to be a you don't want to be a guy That's like yeah, fuck everybody that said fuck me Yeah, exactly Just stop and that's what they they offered the fucking olive branch. They were the one to be like they should it's great

And they should they did the right thing Because most people just like that person forever that I hate it once you know like no they did the cool thing Everybody there was a tide is going No, they did the cool thing everybody there was tied is going It's just you steer into the weight and also they got caught up in it They got caught up and everybody did everybody got caught up in it And so I I don't have any problem with don't you think that shit is just less effective now 100% TMZ try to do a whole thing Cuz I'm a psycho and it was like I like it be more now bigger fan

That's hilarious. Thanks for this. This is a great clip. He knew what they were doing. There was another one too with With like an Asian comic. Yeah, how do you feel like this? Fucking what's his name? They got a Corky Corky from life goes on. Yeah, they interviewed him about my For Corky Corky from life goes on yeah, they interviewed him about my Life corgi was like that was fine, dude. We're human. We're allowed to be made fun of it was like hell. Yeah Corky is going strong chugging along. He's a go-getter that kid Yeah, don't show

Yeah, well that show was the the wildest thing they got put a guy with Down syndrome at the star of a show Oh, yeah quite a noggin. He's not a He's very high-function. He's Full role is he's still the reference to reference. He's yeah People with Down syndrome can have a higher significantly they have regular IQs and huge dicks, But you know the, uh, you know the Louis mantra or whatever is like, they burn your house down, you build a couple twigs and leaves with a house.

And they go, he's got a house. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, well I had a mansion and now I'm living in a twig hut. Alright, I hear you. Yeah, they're not happy unless you're completely destroyed. That's my point. I hear you, but what do you choose to focus on?

It's great, he did SNL. No, there's no no no the truth. That is true though It was a that was like a thing that I was worried about was I was like this I should say something in the monologue. No, I'm not saying that. No, but the idea is that because I'm hosting they're gonna go see Right. We didn't do anything wrong. No, you did the right thing, right? We didn't do anything wrong. Look, he's doing fine. But that was funny. Don't look that up please yeah it was perfect it was a perfect way to handle it you used to have a great joke at the that New Jersey room but mean like a waitress because where do I know you at the time because you were like the topic every single time someone would be like I'd

see like it for real it would always be like an Asian woman would come up to me and be like, you were really funny, what was your name? Can I look you up? And I'd be like, please don't. Ah. Literally, if you'd looked me up, the first thing would be like, hates Asians.

Damn. The headline, oh man, that's not true at all. Yeah, I get to watch them go, oh. You said there was a way, she was like, hey, that was so funny, where do I know you from? You're like, I've been here before, and she goes, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was trying so hard. I was like, I've been somewhere.

I think I've been here, we probably hung out. Well, Yang likes you. Yang's the bro. I love Yang. Rong Yang's a good guy. Rong Yang, David Taylor's a little friend. Yin Yang twins. Whatever, we don't need to discuss this. What else is going on? I love Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang.

You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang.

You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang.

You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and key. You don't Know what I don't even know about this one. No, no, I just got there. I've just reached not online Yeah, you're not online. I'm not online good for you I SNL knocked me out of it this special when I put out my Netflix special I deleted like Twitter Twitter's even course And they're gonna delete it reddit because I was reading those red. It's really everyone's smile slip back into that You had the app that's how much since SNL. I've been Because I know you don't want

Saying I suck for sure listen There's gonna be a bunch of people I wrote everything sucks You're dealing with giant numbers when you're dealing with giant numbers each individual seems significant Even if they're fucking morons you'd never want to talk to Beethoven Symphony has bad comments Beethoven's Symphony has bad comments. I bet it does. I bet it does. I'm telling you right now. It should wait until he's 10. That's very funny.

It was whack. That's really funny. It was whack. Yeah. Boring. Yeah, there's always going to be... Play more Drake. You can't be focused on that because...

For real, Drake is better than Beethoven. Great dick. The more hits in Beethoven. This is why it doesn't work. You got to think of it in a numbers way. So if the human brain is designed to recognize threats and problems when everything's great You don't think about it. So if you have 10 10 positive people Shane, you're the fucking man. That's great One guy goes this guy's lame as fuck tired of this kind of act so fucking

You got nine people to think you're awesome, one douchebag thinks you suck. And now when you scale that up to millions and millions of people, and who's writing comments? The majority of them are disgruntled people that are unhappy with their position in life. Do you think toothpaste feels that way when they're like, who the fuck was that one dentist? The one that attended? Oh yeah. What a corny fucking dentist. You don't agree. One guy won't recommend me after all I've done for you. What else do I have to show you?

Also I know what you're doing right now and I appreciate it game recognize game. You drink one motherfucker. I'm drinking them I've been drinking them I've talked to you. No you're not. You guys gotta catch up I feel like the pot just got started. The pot did just start and we're're all... And we got that mushroom chocolate not fucking around. Allegedly. Has it kicked in? Oh yeah. It's fun. I can't look at the screen anymore, it's too wavy. Do do do do. Do do do. Do do do do. Boy imagine if they didn't make all that stuff illegal. They didn't do the Manson thing and they just like let psychedelics roam. Maryland? What would... No the other one. That one down to that one too I mean He's a terrible do they whacked her too. They definitely liked her right? Oh, I was talking about

There's so many fucking Let's go yeah, oh, that's exactly yes. Yeah, she apparently was talking and she she banged both of them. She banged both brothers. Yeah Bobby and a JFK Do you think the second was on recommendation from the first probably get her? Bobby's cock Fucking crazy for me. I gotta run a country. If you think, oh, I failed Jack. That's not what you can do for me. That's what you can do for my brother.

The mob and the CIA are trying to kill me. I don't have time for your nonsense. Why, some say come on the face. Uh, yeah, geez. Do you think that one brother's watching her at the, whatever the inauguration was when she's sitting in front of the wife and the other brother just looking at his brother going Either way she took a shot in the face to

Imagine you're the president and you're banging everybody and everybody knows but nobody talks about it. No World back Being bravo everyone was being a bro. No was being what I said early I think has merit to it like who do you want do you want the warmonger or the pussy hound? Barbie or whatever yeah, just keep them keep them pussy Your mouth are you're such a what's that on the side she's making a face. She's probably spitting out her Got a better picture poor lady been through a lot. That's a bit She was called

Normal Christian 25 year old to the left Williams She married Demagio Demagio like would put flowers on Arthur Miller Arthur Miller Yeah, the Demagio almost rough why did you put flowers on her grave? He loved a baby loved her and this was like wow he wasn't it like the overlap between Kennedy and the mother a little over That's a good. she was fucking killing this hot Love is killing. Look at that guys. I got a miller. Look at this fucking the Jew got some It looks like the guy from the wire. You got a lot. Oh, yeah, didn't get a little salty Yeah, you got a lot. He married in there. He looks like Friedland

Women like that are they're just a drug. Yeah, it's a drug. It's it's fucking John McAfee's meth Yeah, that's what it is and you get a piece of that dumb fucking bitch at every high level fucking art It's like hey Miller you brought your dumb fucking Sexist I don't think she was done. Oh, yeah. She was fucking high level. She had a crazy IQ higher IQ than Einstein No way, give it a go there is no Zero shot on earth that's actually true. Let's bet. I'll bet you a million dollars. I'm sure it's on the internet There's no way she's no way Five five five five bucks respectable 20 20 20 that's an SNL paycheck

For the record that TV paid more oh my god 20 20 20 that's an SNL paycheck TV paid more oh my god, I think Guess how much money you get paid to host SNL how much 1300 50 grand 1700 50 grand five thousand dollars oh Hmm more than I thought is that why do we rated we rated 21 jump streets? Fucking dressing them afterwards five weeks of work hmm We read the 21 jumps 21 savages Just fucked me again Five grand wait, so what does 21 get?

musical guests like a ten Get more they don't do any work. You got a little more 21 If that is what like the first step and then bouncing back and the next week having wild shit Who big big money? So wait it went it went fucking guys guys saying gay and retard to massive massive awesome tits are back You don't know city that is. You don't know Sydney Sweeney? She's Marilyn Monroe. What? You've seen her. She's Marilyn Monroe.

That's John McAfee's meth. That's why she's at the party, Ari, you piece of shit. Well the 90s are coming back. Funny guys. He's going to bring her wherever the fuck she wants to go. Timeless. There she is. Wow. Ample blism.

Congratulations to her genetics. I love when you see a story like that. She addresses those Glenn Powell rumors and I'm like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Well, someone wrote a monologue for Ari. I don't care. You know, she's gotta talk about some things that are in the news. You know, it's probably not really her act.

Ari's like, her act sucks. Fucking no bumps. She knows the Glenn Pauls. The tragic truth about Marilyn Manson's, uh, Marilyn Monroe's concealed intelligence. Thank you. Dare fame. A lot of how Marilyn Monroe acted for the cameras. As behind the scenes. A lying lady.

It is said that she was a star brilliant with a high IQ there you go, but it doesn't say it's higher than us Higher than Albert Einstein. It's unproven, but it does say that was like as high as 168 Einstein was It says some believe oh, I believe that she was an alien some believe different illegal It's a tweet it has to be real. It's verified does it have community notes if not shut up Jamie. That's a wash No, I'm more proven than you. I'm just certain that that's not true isn't our community notes is for go with that How come there's no community notes on that statement? You have to. Well can we amplify it? I already went to the migrant meeting.

Oh yeah I went to the meeting with all the migrants in my neighborhood. What'd you do with them? What'd you do? What'd you say? I said kill them. You say hey we got some fucking tunnels here. What's the meeting like? Is it like fucking in someone's basement? No it's in a community center. Of course you went to a fucking community center, dude. You were so.

Protect our community. On that whole line around the neighborhood of like new migrants. Well, if it isn't. They're gonna piss in the bushes, so we either gotta raise, they all sound like me, they only gotta raise money for porta potties or they're fucking pissing in the bushes.

Well, your park went to hell, so the community's fucked. Government's not gonna do shit. Guess what? Porta potties are gross. They're gonna keep pissing in the bushes. No, they'll piss in them if we tell them to piss in them. If we get them that. But we're not, they're not gonna get it to them. Yeah, but they're not gonna regular porta-potties.

They're gonna want like a good one that you can sit down in with a little sink in it. They'd rather go by. A little portable bathroom. These aren't, these aren't like homeless people. Porta-potties are just a hole with the fucking blue water in it. That's all it is. It's disgusting. You ever look down that?

No, in London they do it. They set up porta-potties of it so all the drunks, instead of pissing in the park They'll piss on the nose. They still do it doing Most of them, but don't a few dudes pee on trees, right? Don't be an animal fucking pissing these that we set up so we can have the trees tomorrow when you're sober No, I don't think if your piss kills trees. No, I don't think so No, it does no Dog people a night fucking pissing them. listen to me dog dog piss kills your lawn

Yeah, yeah, man dogs like if you have what girl dogs just squat and pee boy dogs one like mark So boy dogs piss on things every girl dogs just squat so they leave these little dark puddles in your lawn like that kills The grass what yeah? Don't drink girl dog pee wait a minute. What the well wouldn't the forest be ruined by like? Well animal piss it's a good question. It's a good question um There's a lot of squirrels Grass is pretty unnatural as it is But they're always putting the trees like don't let the handers kill the tree What's that Jamie the UK they have urine deflectors everywhere because people pee all over the buildings

I mean, it's so they set up porta potties look at the porta potties in the bar in deflectors What's the deflector so it won't catch a corner forever? So you can't piss on a little splatter on you yeah, back. Or no, or it just won't gather in a corner. You ever drank piss? It's pretty wild. So they just assume people are going to pee on that or they're stopping people from peeing on it? They can't get underneath the piss up.

So if they're going to pee, so let it drip away from the fucking crevices. Should have put that on the R. Kelly chicks. How weird. Remember when we were talking about there was just pee and poop everywhere in the 1700s? Oh yeah. Everybody just shitting everywhere. People just pee and poop everywhere in the yeah, 17. Oh, yeah Shit everywhere yeah pre plumbing They said they're having a problem with some people that come from other places to new cities where they just still decide to shit on The ground because they don't know they don't know the thing they've been doing all life. It's like. I don't care I'm just gonna shit. I have to shit

I'm not gonna go to some little closet that smells awful when I get shit right here I see human shit in New York all the time all the time you could tell you could tell it's unsettling because you're like Damn it. That's a fucking person one. I know It's kind of pretty it looks like you're praying to the Lord of piss yeah They just go in there and piss on a wall. It's so well made They just go in there and piss on a wall. It's so well made Isn't it incredible? Look at the artwork involved. I know Craftsmen were we had back there. I would love those right now

Place that's three quarters enclosed to go in and piss on a wall look how beautiful that looks beautiful It's like grace or vintage public urinal in Paris Amazing wow we're looking at look how beautiful these public urinals used to be. Pissoir. Pissoir. Look at the other ones though. Show Shane the other ones that you showed. The New York City one. Oh look at that one right there. Really cool.

Look at that one. That's in Paris. That's insane. But show the whole thing so you can see the top. Look how beautiful that fucking thing is. It's like a subway entrance. But isn't that amazing? like the craftsmanship they have Some guy got higher dirt big bucks to do that and they had little ads on the side What was that ad for is that like a price though 15 use it minutes? I'm sure you get blown in there as well. Is that what it says what is MTS? What does say 15? Bonjour you must be a digestiveository is what this is.

Oh, interesting. Well, is that below it? No, I mean, below it. Is that a price? No, no, no, this water closet A15, I don't know what it means. Do you have to pay to use it? Because that would be nice. I don't know if there's anybody standing there taking the money either.

What does A15 mean? Could be minutes. Watch the, close the door because the dogs really want to get in here. Ohhhh. So you get d here. Aww. Carl and Barry are dying. So you get 15 minutes? 1875. All the New York subway bathrooms had to be locked up. They still have that though now.

Those like public bathrooms. But don't they have like the National Guard in the subway now or something? Yeah it's bad. The lady got stabbed. There was a shooting. Good times. Bro. What is New York City doing? Remember those days?? I don't know it's getting wacky that whole letting everybody in thing is just crazy

Here's I think this is what I think that might have been 15 minutes people started using them as places to talk for private conversation Podcast room Come on in here while I take a shit. Yeah. I'm going to tell you how we're planning the rebellion. Unisex. Enclosed automatically self-cruising unit. Oh, 1980.

Yeah, in 1980, they were replaced systematically. 1980. Had a good run. 1980. 100 years, 105. Dude, it seems like the 80s are so recent. But if you had to go back and live back then, like you would

When I grew up you were in a different world. Yes, you left the house you were gone Yeah, where you were there was two pictures of you one when you were like This fucking no no one has real evidence you were ever alive. Yeah, you just You just people would vanish. I think about that a lot when I'm laying in bed I think about like my parents in the 80s and the 90s. You just go out to dinner, you go to a friend's house, you skateboard all day, you bike ride. You don't know where it's nice.

Anybody is. It was nice. It's way better. You didn't think about it. When I grew up, people would open the window and yell for their kids. Yes. They would yell, Bobby!

Get home That's great But now people would tweet and go this mom is a little aggressive that she's a little controlling Oh, yeah, the homeowners Association exactly gather and kick that people When I was a kid I lived in San Francisco And then we moved to Florida and then we moved to Boston and we moved to Boston to a place called Jamaica Plain Oh, yeah, make a plane was it was rough back then it was kind of we didn't have any money and our next-door Neighbors were in a punk band and the fucking entire basement

They converted to like a session place and so they had carpet like seven eight layers of carpet That was their own sound deadening, and it was so loud. Yeah, like you didn't we look them up once It was allison janes death in the shopping mall Okay, and this I remember the other song my baby is a mutant Oh, you know the music. Oh, yeah I heard them sing it a hundred and fifty times Wow with any good They're pretty good if you're into that kind of music and I would go down I they like let me watch them perform like watch them rehearse. I was like eight. Yeah, it's pretty cool

Yeah, I guess I wasn't eight now. It's 13. I was thinking that was Boston Yeah, I was thinking San Francisco, but that was Boston and so these people were like they recorded this this is a video I think that's available on YouTube where the song at least the songs available on YouTube It's a different time when I we built this mini ramp in my backyard and every kid in the neighborhood would use it there It is these these guys. Oh look at that. What's that? Jamie? Not the song you asked for but I found Oh, they're working. It's another one man on a tightrope. They got 200 and 2,000 views It's probably off We're gonna get copyrighted by them second that's what you're allowed to you can check for one

Did you ever go over and knock on the door and go hey quiet down a little bit? No nobody did that back then It was just a weird Time if you consider how people grow up today if you grow up today you're growing up in the weirdest time I know it's fun ever it's kind of fucked ever but it's like every civilization has had to deal with that when they invented the printing press they when they invented cars when they invented airplanes every generation has had to deal with like some new weirdness. Oh Told you get the fucking Eagle beer ball. Oh

Might be early, but I gotta pee all right behind the microwave No, then I got in here. I was like damn. I should have got an hour in we can't play the America fuck yeah song Why cuz we'll be copyrighted. I'm sure there's a copy on the internet. Like a... Can't you reach out to the guys? It doesn't have a... It's sweet like it owns it. As a group? I don't... I think sweet. I think we can sing it. America. We gotta get it. We'll say hell yeah. America. Fuck yeah. Come and sing. To save the motherfucking day. Yeah, America. fuck yeah, Kona sang to save the motherfucking day, yeah America, fuck yeah Freedom is the only way, yeah Jamie, can we get in trouble for that? I don't know

Jamie I don't know, I'm not a lawyer Why don't you just reach out to us? No, I don't have to sing it So lick my butt and suck on my mind Doesn't Kid Rock on all his music i was called who's the first to cover the news if we asked him we could use american badass

news is ridiculous and always around the house fun and use music anymore would you guys sign would you guys are right now this is a good idea on youtube again there and let me just go back to 4chan. Why can't we play Spotify music? That's what I'm saying. Because you're on Spotify. Because there's like a different kind of music.

For the YouTube users, just bleep it out for them. No, you can't do that. You probably could. That's where we went watching this. Yeah, probably could very easily. Who needs a radio when I can sing? Mock. Yeah.

Woo. Eeg. Yeah. Burr. Yeah. Burr. Yeah. Burr. Yeah. Who needs a radio when I can say mock? I think that's a copyright Is what we're supposed to yeah we got over their own songs There you go er got a callback that's big Did he dive? Did he actually fall? They took a pratfall.

So I was like, fuck it. What if he unhooked us? Larry David. What if he disconnected us? Mark. What the fuck, Mark? So what's going on with you guys now that Mark's gone? I'm tired of all his quips.

I can't take anyone. He needs to get more fucked up. He's not he has no quips is no Yeah, he's always ready to build a he's not doing it just hasn't presented itself. Don't force the genius That's Carl and Bah man Bandits try to sneak into you get outside that door this fucking two dogs Ben it came into her daddy dogs are in He wanted to hold Carl so bad, but will bandit fuck things up Yeah, hey bandit

Not relaxed I've seen her two courts shut up Never once ever has she been around? No, it's been here She's a sock that's a good dog she wants her daddy she does When when Ari was inside before she was sitting outside the door just sitting staring up at the door Knowing that he was in that room. There's a cute dog, but it is Autistic yeah, why say that she's going for Bud Light. She's one of those dogs. It's like a it's not a dog It's more of a cat just like it's not like a fun. It's a quiet weird. You know I mean it's a skittish dog

It's not skittish Literally every dog every dog doesn't know it's quiet just walking weird dude. It's a very serious dog She's serious. We got some dog. She's sad girl if you're trying to insult it won't work. She's Just saying you guys dogs You've seen these types of dogs of dogs you've seen these types of dogs sullum sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen sullen Okay, thank you. It's a whole new foundation delivery. Hell yeah. Get some freshies. They're both dogs in here or just one? Yeah, both of them are. Ah. I know, Ari's gay dogs here.

I know, right? Trying to have a good time with your gay dog. Ruined everything. Why do you have a bandana on this dog? Is it blood? Rep, y'all, shit, guys. Because he's in the West, bro. He's in Texas.

He's in Texas. Obviously he's got a pocket bandana on. It went green last week. Why did it have green on? For the environment? Because of your people. Oh nice. Opti-Irish.

Opti-IRA. By the way, Opti-IRA, Free Palestine. Try it. They love Palestine, those mix. They really do. Well, everybody loves through it loves our underdog and when you were the underdog forever They've been through it. Yeah, the n-words of Europe. I mean they literally they understand It's well when I went to Northern Ireland, and I saw the fucking cars the police cars

There's to this day armored with big steel plates all around well the IRA bombs. Oh you found it We need headphones other words otherwise we're gonna talk over each other and it's gonna be very annoying. You have to have headphones, Ari, you particularly. You and everyone and literally everyone else. No, I was doing worse. All three of us. Ari just has disjointed off-hand conversations.

The thing is, when you're listening, it's so hard. I know we're having a good time, but. I'm telling you, it was worse earlier. Yeah, it was bad at one point in time. First hour was rough. I never take the headphones off I was like well we'll find our groove ah damn I took him off I had him on in the beginning it made me feel bad because we were talking over each other with him on on everybody had

him on we all have on it's cuz you are you know literally no one had him on no we all did and then you ruin it. Is this supposed to look like you? Ari, you're a destroyer of worlds. America, forget it. Yeah, you fucking hebe. All right, going back in. Ari, you're next for Siren Life. Yeah.

I went there a couple years ago and Shay was like, give him a tour, it was pretty cool. Were you allowed on the premises? And he goes, if you go in the back way, I was like, can I go back there? See what's there? He was like, yeah, there's nothing there. And I'm like, can I walk through the doors? He goes, yeah, but there's a superstition that if you walk through before you're actually hosting, you'll never host.

And I just looked down for like five seconds and I was like, oh yeah, I'm going back there. Yeah, you're never going to host. What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Superstitions are hilarious. I was like, oh yeah, I'm going back there. Yeah, you're never gonna have us. What are we talking about? What are we talking about? Superstitions are hilarious. Especially when it comes to that, like, oh no, you're gonna take away my five grand?

I could not believe, they were like, all right, you gotta sign these contracts. And I was like, all right, and they're like, and then, then we'll pay you. And I was like, how much is it? Like, it's five grand, you get five grand. You should just not film about the forms. I'm not signing it, I didn't.

Oh, nice. Yeah, it's hilarious. But your agent gets 10%, your manager gets 10%. Yeah, you get five grand. I didn't But your agent gets ten percent your manager Most stress yeah, it'd be fun if I see it on you I could see it on yeah, I was fucking stressed out Yeah, yeah, you had both sides on your shoulder. Yeah, but you know what dude you went through it And you went through it bigger than ever it's like that's the beautiful thing about it you go through it bigger than ever and it worked out it worked out It's great And it shows that you're awesome at sketches and it turns people to Gillian Keyes Which is I think the best sketch show on the internet thanks fucking awesome, and it was a fucking only man's dad

Best fucking sketches I have ever seen there You got a gang of them at. The Trump speed dating. It's fucking genius shit, dude. That's all, yeah. You got some John McKeever. Genius shit. And that's the best part. Is that it sends people towards the real shit.

Independent comedy sketches that are done by the people that are actually funny. There's no one fucking with them. There's no network notes. There's no executives There's no Watering up the fucking chili. It's just yeah Speaker water don't fuck with that dude. I already had it last time Fuck with the Carolina Reaper we could Night mark bong one of those

For the truth well, I'm gonna mushroom Mark, bong one of those. Huh? Bong one. Bong one. Dude, for the troops. It's time to go. Well, I'm gonna take a mushroom. Think about it, you had a fucking block earlier, you're fine. It's time for America. You had nothing. It's time for America. Count mine, dude.

It's time to take America back, Mark. Don't count mine. That's the joke. Mark, we gotta take America back. Come on, man. Yeah. Give it to the troops. Hold on.

For the troops. We've had one drink. We've had one drink in four days. Just for the troops. You had two fucking comic That's the one with a nice cube you're gonna be drunk on that when comics were eating dick I'm gonna go how about a round of applause for the troops everybody yeah Ladies yeah, who's ever to birthday first day about a lot of round of applause for the ladies Bombing and it's always like who's having a birthday in the audience like no you're not including me, right?

No, I wouldn't cheer for that. That's you Ari, but most unreasonable people like me Especially if you don't have special days, that's the only special day well that in the bachelorette Most days suck except for 90 day fiance when that's on it's awesome My lady watches that that is a wild That's the one lady show I can Treads to marriage the threats Do you would if marriage like this is like the argument against gay marriage? It's like a bad for the institution What is the institution of marriage like what about this? We decide to get married after 90 days

For 90 days, and then the guy get married in my you gotta pick one of these hoes And that's not even close There's like there's other ones like The Bachelor or Love is Blind. Like they don't even talk to each other and then they get engaged. I know. Bro, it's bananas. 90 Day though, it makes a- That's way worse than gay marriage.

And you don't know like what they even look like until you meet them. You don't know anything. But 90- Oh, they're going to hell. But 90 Day makes America look great because they're willing to leave this country to go live in like Pensacola in a condo. It's great for China. It's great for China.

China's like, look at these idiots. Yeah, not learning math. Look what we're doing. Over in China every day it's like fucking the ninja show. What's the ninja show Competing yes, yeah, there's all like fucking chest puffing and ruff and they're getting rid of all femininity on television I'm in China's TV is just ours 10 15 years ago. I bet Chinese TV is ours if we had fucking control Your state control American needs state control

Daddy's home. Yeah, we need just Tom Hardy Isn't it funny that that's like everybody really kind of wants the big daddy in the sky to take care of everything There's a plot of a Marvel You got the force, kid? Thank you. Oh, you're good. Oh my God, a lit one. Carl, Carl doesn't like ice? Carl, don't get banned, dude.

He doesn't like Jews. Carl's definitely free Palestine. Oh yeah. You think so? Carl's definitely up the raw. Carl looks grumpy. Carl looks like he reads a newspaper and then call the raw he's looking I think pissy Carl does now have strong convictions and he could be persuaded in either direction Yeah, his eyes are about the pop-out of his head vert if the Jews win this one Carl could he's going to go where the money is Boy if you if you want to convert to the Jews they make it hard you guys make it probably the hardest

There's a lot going on we want to be sure you're ready. They don't make you take a tattoo to least How did Sammy Davis pass that's such a wild flex for a woman to force you to convert to get tattooed It's a wild flex well the foreskin looks better when it's gone That's a wild flex well the foreskin looks better when it's gone that's a wild one you got you got to have a circumcision you can make a chick convert cuz like 37 say it whatever but chop your dick skin off and risk infection and death and the loss of your dick at 37 yeah well my friend got circumcised at 33 and he's happy by the way tip for everybody you can just lie to the in-laws Well, you just said you don't you actually ever do it. So what you just said is the ultimate anecdotal experience My friend

He kept getting infected Tell your friend to clean his dick. What kind of dirty motherfucker? Yeah. Well, he's Indian. He's constantly getting dick infections. He's Indian? Yeah.

Indian fella. What's, what are you blaming that on? Well, I'm just saying, it's a lot of curry. But... Curry coming out of your dick? What are you doing? Get it gross. Are you eating like an elephant?

Well, he got a... Toss it in your mouth. What are you doing? Gross you eat like an elephant Fucking curry chicken in your mouth with your dick slumdog. That's Just saying it gets in there the bacteria yeah, yes, who's on circumcised here anybody no way JMo JMo He's got a car on either Carl's uncircumcised Carl. You know says Carl yet decent red friend. Do you better circumcise? Let's all talk to a guy I Think we might talked about before you guys ever see a dog's dick. Yeah, I see dogs dick every day of the week No, no, I'm talking about My dog in the week. No. No, I'm talking about My dog in the morning Actual bone the bone. Oh, yeah, I've seen it

Weird looking at organ at the old studio. We had a walrus one a petrified walrus How old was that fucking thing? Where is it? Where's that? Well, I am the walrus Fucking thing where is it? Where's that? Well, we I am the walrus Cuckoo ca-choo you ever see him get hooked up. That's right. It's called a back. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bone It's different Ella shout out the scab. I kill him you ever see him get hooked up two dogs That's right time travel show. Oh, yeah, like the early 2000s no early 90s is quantum lead did it

Is there there's one where he hops into a Down syndrome guy? Yeah, he opens his bedroom door the mirror shows a Down syndrome guy and he's like, I'm retarded? That's him! Oh my god. He was a hunk? Let me say it. Do it from the beginning. He goes, I'm retarded? I'm retarded?

Bro. That's the language they used on dramas on TV back then. Beatles. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa TV back then Every female comics like you know what it's like getting attacked by the way you look I'm like have you seen Gillis's page? It's just nothing but a Tardville all day long. I love hearing that when it's like you have no idea what it's like to get made fun of for how you look. It's all I do. I have some idea. It's the only thing I deal with. But it's different. This is why. If you're a talented guy and you look like shit, you can still get laid. Well hold on, I don't look like shit. I'm not saying you. I'm not saying you. Just retarded shit. Let's say someone far worse off than anyone in this room. You can

still get beautiful women because you're talented. That does not work the opposite. True, but they can get puss, or they can get dick without being talented and hot. And they cannot be hot and get dick. That's true. And not be hot and get dick. And they can be a 7 and get real high level dick. We are essentially top hot and they cannot be hot When we're talking about mathematics, but we've all a couple of no, but those back on Mathematics in a sense that like each thing has a value to it and the more Like wealthy famous except like what's that guy's name that super super fucking old dude that owned Fox Rupert Murdoch This dude is worth billions of dollars and got divorced right or it was gonna get married They had this this fiance and she's like really into Christianity or something But the crazy thing is he was talking about the rest of his life

He was like the second half of my life Wow, he's 90 if you see him walking around like this guy's crazy. But it's because this guy knows he can still sling dick. Stephen Hawking got laid. That was his lady. Whoa. That guy looks like he got ball back. Oh he did it again. So he's got a new one. He's engaged again.

He was a molecular biologist. Yo he's 92. He just got engaged again. This is what I'm talking about. What you got that kind of cheddar you can slay dead deep into the 90s there is not a woman he divorced Jerry Hall the woman who was married to Mick Jagger easy McAfee he's slinging, slinging bish that's maybe because women like competency. But this is the difference. Maybe they're attracted to competency. That's all it is.

But this is why. Which is fine. But this is why. That's what people should be attracted to. It's an even trade. You're hot, you're competent. That's what people should be attracted to. Yes.

But this is why a woman can say, you don't know what it's like. Because you don't know what it's like. Because there's always this other thing. Yeah, but here. But I'd rather be the woman. I'd rather be the woman she's better if you're hot if you're hot or not hot what if you're not hot you're judged unfavorably about something you have no control over and that's your

value to a lot of people what he's the difference that's how they look there's a difference no of course the original statement though was female comics talk about people always comment on my books they were just statement and it's like Of course the original statement though was female comics talk about People always comment on my words And it's like that's all they do with me right I get it It's just I think it has a different value for women true. I can go yeah, whatever. Yeah I'm just sold out masses Thing like that separates you from everybody and that's talent. For a woman, it's like unattractiveness is the trumper.

That's number one. A hot lady steals- But you banged ugly ladies. Not in my adult life. Only as a kid. I was a good looking guy. I did well. Yeah, you did alright.

I got lucky. I got lucky with jeans, but it's just if you're a woman, and you don't get lucky. That's a bad sentence Like if your whole world around you especially today if you're like that's one of the things that social media is fucked young girls up Yeah, you're looking at girls that are way hotter than you before they use filters Before they use filters and then they throw filters on they look Insanely good and you know there's not a fucking chance in hell and that's the jeans that you got dealt the fucking hand of cards You got yeah, but then he's gonna compete with that. Yeah, but then you get to Marry a nice guy. Yeah

In that world of maybe here's me in a picture you're here's a nice guy, we're gonna raise a family together, we're gonna, like, I don't know. Well, all we're talking about is- There's some benefits to that. There's benefits to that, but- Maybe they're not in our world of fucking- But guess what? If Kim Kardashian wants to marry a nice guy, she can do. She can not. If she decides to just go grab some nice guy, well, he was the guy who was working on my house. Do you know what's gonna happen? Normal he'll never go outside. He won't be nice. He won't be nice. He'll tie him to the

Day one and they'll ruin him. Yeah Possible here's the thing The super mind fuck is when people get famous, like Jordan Peterson style, when they get famous when they're older. He got hotter. He got higher and then went looney bins. What it is is he started eating only meat. Little bonkies. Little bonks.

Yeah, he got little cuckoos. What do you think is bonker? What do you say that's bonkers? He's a little bonky. I don't know, just he's like famous famous. Too famous? Entering rehab. Oh be no yeah, he Unfortunately did not know the side effects of benzodiazepines. Yeah. Yeah, yeah sounds like an actor The guy just took him he'll tell you he took him because he was really struggling

But I think part of the reason why I struggle in his wife is going through cancer. I thought he's a smart guy read the label Listen man label if you did something Like like if you do play golf you play golf Yeah, right if I if I came to you, but I don't play so if I came to you What's the thing that you do that? I don't do golf. Yeah, okay, so if I came to you go. How do you do this? Yeah, I would just listen all right because you do it do that I don't do. Golf, yeah. Okay. So if I came to you and go, how do you do this? I would just listen. Right. Because you do it and I don't do it.

So if you're a doctor, a psychologist, you call your friend who's a psychiatrist and you say, I'm going through this. Take these. What should I do? Take this, don't worry. You're going to feel way better. He takes Xanax, he feels way better. But he doesn't realize that there's one of two things that's commonly used that'll kill

you if you just jump off it. One's alcohol, the other is benzos. Oh no, is that right? If you're an alcoholic if you're like a full-on all day dr. Told him that no he's doctor didn't tell him that So he didn't realize that until he tried to get off of them, and it took like a fucking year, man I got scribe those physically read Peterson rules But yeah anytime any of those intellectuals become famous, they kinda stink. And then, when you get fully sucked into the culture war

as an intellectual, either side, I don't love it. Yeah, because then it's like, you're wasting all your mental energy on the culture war and not curing cancer or some social thing. But it's also to recognize that if you don't fight against this shit, it just keeps pushing and gaining more boundary, more ground. It moves the goalposts. It does. And you have to have really smart people.

You just went on a crying spree. You went on a crying spree. Sorry about your voice, bro. Because he really feels that way. I know it seems crazy when you look at it out of context, but if you look at him crying in the context of the conversation it's because he really feels I go on crying sprees but I keep him keep my life he's he's not he's just being himself and he's being himself in front of all these people in a three-piece being himself with all these people watching being himself in a three-piece suit it's just dressed up to go be himself and the weird three-piece sometimes. He's getting dressed up to go be himself. And the weird three-piece, sometimes they're like multi-colored, like what are you, a Batman?

But he does that because he thinks that suits look good. He's cool, it's just fame ruins a lot of people's work. They're doing great work, the Kimmel, same sort of thing, it's like, eh, you guys are all becoming something else. But it's also because you're part of a system, right? Jordan's not necessarily a part of a system, he's like removed from a system But then the problem becomes are you all constantly fighting that system or are you just? Speaking about things the way you see well the question is why is there a system fighting him? Why does why can't he just exist and talk about it what he wants to talk about why is someone always coming down? Because he has a lot of influence. That's what I'm saying. Why why can't he have an influence? Why would you attack it because the internet it's because who likes him it's just people arguing on the internet they're like Jordan Peterson rules listen to this quote and then people that don't like the things you like are like He's actually a Nazi

and then the people that like call him a Nazi they're like you're gay right there's no I don't know But why do we have to be like this? I thought I had something there But it is just the internet Nazis never been subjective before But why do we have to be like this? I thought I had something there. No you do! Nazi has never been subjective before. But why do we have to be like that? It's a subjective term, which is weird. That's why you would infuriate me, that whole punch a Nazi thing.

I was like, who decides? Who's a Nazi? He's been called a Nazi. Jew face 101. That's a fun one. And I was like, oh alright. Well they were calling Dave Smith a self-hating Jew. Yes! yes! Because he's criticizing the way Israel's bombing

the fucking shit out of Gaza. Free Palestine. The whole thing is so nuts, man. It's like these labels. You got him. I'm on the side of Hamas. I like the way they're killing the Palestinians. You like how Hamas is killing Palestinians?

Yeah, that's my favorite part of Hamas. Tunnels is one thing you guys can agree on. That's my favorite thing to do. Underrated. You're saying how Hamas is killing You're saying how Hamas is killing the Palestinians their own people Yeah, when they line them up and execute all their fucking people running against them. Do they do that? Yeah, it's cool They wouldn't go with it what the Jews threw out a ceasefire like hey, let's do a ceasefire and Palestine was like nah No deal. What was that? October 6th The day before yeah, pull it up. I'm sure the terms Dictate whether they say yes, you know the wildest thing is that there was protests in the streets for months hundreds of thousands of people

protesting Netanyahu right in Israel right yeah right you can be against your leaders yeah I think it's the country's but it was right before it happened for sure and then what happened that put a squash who's ready to throw down no he's ready to go brother yeah Hamas get rid of all the old guard get somebody young in there see if we can get rid of the people that have gone through this you're not gonna erase this. You're not gonna erase the memory of what they did to Gaza. You're not gonna erase the memory of what those people in Israel experienced when those

dudes are fucking parachuting down and gunning people down and chasing down kids at a rave. You're not gonna erase that. Uh oh. What's she thinking? Hillary said it. There was a, remember there was a see remember There's a ceasefire on October 6th that Hamas broke by their barbaric assault on peaceful civilians Go up so we can see that trustworthy picture. There she is. All right

What she said there was a ceasefire? It did not hold because Hamas chose to break it No, there you go massive consistently broken ceasefire again number if Dave Smith was here Dave Smith would be able to lay this out We need a real Jew Well, I found out about Dave cuz Ari's state of the country or the union Smith's a smart guy. I can't keep up. Oh, he's a genius. He's one of the best at retaining information Sometimes you talk about you're like wait wait Who?

Yeah, yeah, no, I mean he just can talk about basically any international crisis that that he's investigated He investigates things to the point of like he'll be able to tell you the root of the conflict sure his wife loves it There's no way he's only telling us that. He's telling her that too. Yeah. She's probably petrified. Back to the female comedian thing about you're looking retarded and that whole thing. Thank you. Well what bugs me is it's all men's fault but they judge each other. That's true too. There's a lot of lady on lady judging of appearance. All this is gonna go out the window with CRISPR. CRISPR? With genetic engineering. Oh right.

They're gonna change people and turn them into fuckers. We'll get all hot chicks that are cool. We'll always talk about his body positivity, but everybody's getting Botox, lap band, and they're all on a Zembic. Which one is it? Well, they don't wanna die, but they wanna pretend they're okay. And they want

to pretend that it's fine to be exactly how you are. Because it's uncomfortable to deal with the fact that you got to make some changes. And so let's not make people uncomfortable. Let's let China win. There you go. Let's let Russia win. Let's keep everybody weak and fat and stupid and lazy and addicted to their phones Yeah, and then let's shut the power off All right, you're just describing Shane That wasn't a pun well you've been working out that wasn't a pun usually your pun guy I got puns yeah get a pun going the puns are in the works you can work out here with us tomorrow You want to work out tomorrow? What's tomorrow? We're bringing it back the comedian. We're gonna work out. Oh, I gotta fly home tomorrow

I thought you were home. No I gotta go my parents house. Ah Isn't that cute got a little fundraiser for the coffee shop? Yes, promote it tomorrow nor in mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania is called nor so this will come out tomorrow So they'll nice you'll hear it. I'll be there. They'll get flooded. Oh, yeah, that's probably a mistake But it's called no, so check it out NORM and oh you are Nor oh no more no yeah, yeah Alright, it's a good coffee shop. You got a a plug on SNL. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you get a plug? Yeah, I talked about it. You heard the joke before. The opening. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's right. I didn't get to do the whole joke. Apple juice.

So much more. Yeah, I burnt all my premises. You got away with a lot though. You got away with a lot. Can you hand me one of those beers, Ari? How's the new... First of all, I got leaked that you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory

where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory I burnt all my premises. You got away with a lot. Can you hand me one of those beers, Ari? How's the new... First of all, I got leaked that you were in a Tarantino thing, which I think was bullshit. I'm not. Shit's so big now.

I feel like I'm talking to one of them UFO guys with the bullshit in me. There's a few of those UFO guys that talk to him, I'm like, you're bullshit. If I was in the Tarantino movie, I would tell you guys. You son of a bitch. By the tell you I would tell you right away son of a bitch. You're in a fucking thing. I told you I don't believe him at all Now he's not a movie. I would tell you right away. I'll tell you guys everything Well blabber mouth can't catch me. No one tell you immediately if you're in Tarantino's last movie So I would be very that's the first time I was like

Tarantino's last movie that would be very first time I was like no you have any discussions I've never met him in my life he's the man never wonderful Jews he's the fucking man he's like a legit movie genius yeah he's awesome he's the man would you tell me about reservoir dogs whatever like you got to put a woman in. And he's like, no, I just wanna do the movie. Why would I do that? Didn't you tell me that? Or is it a different guy with your face?

No, it was amazing. A different guy with your face. But I believe it, that's great. He's like, no, we're doing it that way. He's like, this is how we're doing the movie. And they're like, well, you gotta get a woman in there. He's like, but it's about a bank robbery. Then they all shoot each other.

What are you talking about? They cut a guy's ear off. Yeah. Yeah, and he was like no, I'm not doing it And it was a hit. Wow Just let people do their thing not a hit though Underground well, it led to pulp fiction. Yeah, that was the creative hit. Yeah, not a financial hit They were both speaking correctly What was the his the guy that he was a partner with in the early days made this fucking No female characters of res war dogs because the movie took place over the course of an hour in this warehouse after the robbery After this robbery these guys aren't going to bring their girlfriends to the robbery Joe didn't happen to hire any women

Piano starts in the movie like fast forward was that like movie an homage to a Chinese or a Japanese movie probably what's it? a Chinese or a Japanese movie Probably what's it? Jamie's that's a type of back talk. We need research not back guy has there ever been a guy that's never had one miss You're gonna be okay never had a miss What what was that one?

Still fun Talked about it for weeks later. I was doing great. I love it. I didn't love it on the channel I was yes, of course. I was so excited for it cuz Django and in glorious basses are Top bang top five in glorious bass time bang me pulp Yeah, and by a Django was kinda like a little bit over the line of like reality. Holding the fucking body up with it blasting. Django was so nice, dude. Yeah.

But, hateful eight. Dude, I loved it. It was so slow and tense. I liked it. When he's like, hey, put these handcuffs on, and he goes, no. And he puts it back, and you're like, fuck this shit's gonna go back down.

He beat the hell out of Jennifer Jason Lee. Oh, that was fun, I forgot that look at it with a black eye It's got some real Rihanna rose book This movie fucking ruled movie rules I It's it's way too draw Action there was not a lot of action, but that was his response. I was him going shut up. I'll do my own thing It's a Western who done. Yeah, it's an his response. That was him going, shut up, I'll do my own thing. It's a Western whodunit. It's an awesome movie.

You're gonna be okay. Yeah, but Pulp Fiction still holds up. Pulp Fiction. I watch them both. Pulp Fiction, like, you hear it? Amazing. Lost Best movie to Forrest Gump. Gump rules.

That's how dumb that fucking thing is, that they want more inclusiveness. No, it's not dumb, dude, Gump is. Shut up. Gump's a little silly. Oh, obviously. Why? Obviously you love Forrest Gump.

Get out of town. Oh my god, you son of a bitch. What is this type of thing? Oh Gump. Get out of town. Oh my god, you son of a bitch. What is this type of thing? I think it is. It was a good movie. It was a good movie. Gump ruled. Oh, where's your pre-posting now?

Oh, he's calling you corky. Gump was good. Gump was great, but it was no fucking Pulp Fiction. Shut up. Gump was... No, dude. Pulp Fiction was a work of art. Giant drop down. Guys, what are we talking talking about gump in Vietnam? Gumps a comedy is so good

Gumps fucking his drill instructor be like go. Why did you put that weapon together so quickly private gum because you told me to Jesus Christ you must have an IQ of 160 you are gonna be a goddamn general someday go this is some of your weapon and continue taste like sugar was that year too and JP go up dude go here it's obviously perfect best soundtrack gump PISSED OFF LET GO OF PUMP FICTION SHUT THE FUCK UP I'll go soundtrack for soundtrack Dude Shawshank Redemption rules Shawshank Redemption rules for sure

It was killer Pulp Fiction had the best soundtrack They reinvented the idea of a soundtrack Hold on, Pulp Fiction over Gump soundtrack? It reinvented the whole what is a soundtrack Gump soundtrack was literally the quintessential American It's America

Running on empty Also true, also true Listen, both, both fiction was like we're having bands you've never remembered They're all so cool Yeah, there's a difference I mean, it's not even close, Fortunate Son, let's go This is just a fucking collection of popular songs Exactly

This is mainstream, Arie's right What are you talking about? Arie's right This is the most essential popular songs. Exactly. Arie's right. Tarantino researches. What are you talking about? Arie's right. This is the most essential American song. It's great. It's great. This is the definition of great songs. Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Gump is the story of America. I've never heard that song. I'm like, what is this? Listen. Pulp Fiction fucking rules. I would probably rather watch that. Jungle Boogie. He's rediscovering old bands that were like, son of a preacher man.

Where you're like, I don't even remember this song. He's like, let's make it popular again. Mainstream versus indie. Yeah. It's not just that. Forrest Gump is mainstream, which is like, I don't even remember this Indie yeah, yeah Mainstream was just like here are the biggest hits of the year still great songs. Yeah, they both rule That's a problem with arguments of like With awards We need the right on the left. Let's fire it up. Let's find top sales of all time. I guarantee Forrest Gump's Soundtrack. Reach number 21. Listen, Forrest Gump was a great movie. It doesn't mean that

It's not really in competition with Pulp Fiction nor should it be. They're two different kinds of things. They're two different movies. They're two different kinds of things. But to sit here and say Pulp Fiction should have won is crazy. It should have won. Number seven. I think it's a better movie. Way better movie more iconic more lovely more iconic more people love it I don't about I can't what more people love it cooler people love it Evidence that shows that this forest gump is a superior product, according to the marketplace, Ari Shaffir rejects this in favor of just Philobuster. Dude, obviously Pulp Fiction was a cooler movie. He's defending his career.

You're cool, you're half too cool. Yeah, cool, yeah, exactly. Urge Overkill is cool. It's cool. Discovering new bands is cool. That soundtrack was awesome. I mean, I've never heard anyone say the Forrest Gump soundtrack was awesome there. I mean I've never heard anyone say the forest gum soundtrack was awesome What nobody no they put together a lot of great tunes

Soundtrack was awesome. Yeah, I don't remember it at all Wow fortunate son come on Oh my god, look at what we got here. Fortunate Son? The album went to number two? Wow. Fortunate Son, come on, son. Pound Dog by Elvis? Respect by Otis Redding?

No, no, yeah, yeah, they're better songs. Bob Dylan? It just has a soundtrack. It's just like... Buffalo Spring, The Doors, Garfunkel. Get out of here, you fucked up Aryan goddamn dude. It's just a courtesy. You Zionist.

He didn't even have the time of the whole movie. Aryan Zionist. How are these all in there? Put the headphones on. Aryan. You're being obnoxious and annoying. Put your headphones on. Free Palestine.

You are. You're annoying. You're fucking Zionist. Put the headphones on, Free Palestine. Free Palestine. Put the headphones on. Are you being obnoxious and annoying? Put your headphones on. You are. You stepped on all of us. You're annoying. You're fucking Zionist. Put the headphones on. Free Palestine. Free Palestine. Put the headphones on. You colonized this fucking conversation, bro.

Yeah, go back to the tunnel. I hate you, dude. When was I playing in the tunnels? Tunnels? Wild, right? When are they playing in the tunnels? It's just Shinders List. Tell me what you know about the tunnel.

What does the email list tell you? They still won't talk. Put your headphones on so we don't talk over each other. No, we're all talking over each other. You're the only one that's talking over each other. What does the email list tell you? They still won't talk. Put your headphones on so we don't talk over each other. You're the only one that's talking. Everybody pauses when other people start talking because we have headphones on. I don't know what you're talking about. What's up, Joe?

I got weird. I got weird and commando. I was up in R.A R is too fucked up to notice You guys were all wearing headphones, that's all I'm going No, literally nobody is No man, at least Norman's got I call you married again Just put him on

Norman's got him around his chin, he can at least keep up You know what else is nice? Remember the Titan soundtrack That was a good soundtrack Another great classic How about Vision Quest? Remember the Titan soundtrack Vision quest vision quest yeah, what's that movie from the 90s? Stoner I never heard of my 90s might be like 80s It was a movie about it might be like late 80s now that I think about

Six it's a movie about a wrestler, but we're not you modeen. We're not allowed to play music No, did you see ironclaw? I didn't oh you would like it. It's heavy-duty. What is it? Oh? Come on Jmoe. What's ironclaw? It's a movie. It's about the the what is it? Vanuatu yeah, what's the oh? That's the one we're homeboy the handsome fella? Yeah, Zac Efron Zac Efron That has really well done and sad as shit Bro that fucking the pro wrestling world is mostly sad at the end. Well. It's like the dark Open mic high school gym By the way all those open mic high school gym wrestling matches you that's your part of your ticket that you get punched Well, right T. E. You got that right you only get that is the handsome Jack

Jesus Christ, that's the real family with the dad. It's a tragic family man. I heard the movie is awesome I have not seen it. Is that Vader? I was confused I was can confuse you with the man with the iron fists. No very different Which has got a fucking great soundtrack. Really well done. Holy shit, that's a good soundtrack Yeah, yeah, Wu Tang. Yeah. Oh my god, dude. And there's also there's a Wu Tang Any soundtrack with Spirit in the Sky. There's a Wu Tang Black Keys collaboration. Whoa Yeah, man, the baddest man alive. The Black Clan. That was Wu Tang Black Keys collaboration. Whoa! Really? Yeah man, the baddest man alive. The Black Clan. That was Wu Tang with them? The one song? One of the members of Wu Tang. One of the

members of Wu Tang. I didn't just say. Not Inspector Dick. Who was it? RZA. RZA did the whole soundtrack. One of them cut their dick off. To what? What? Yeah, one of the Wu Tang cut their dick off. No way. Yeah, give it a good Yeah, one of the lesser-known associate method woman Come on, Inspector dickless isn't the jizzle like a master level chess player like a high level chess player Is that jizzle anymore? Not the reason the jizzle. I think the reason is to With the jizzle specifically when Inella, are we listening to music? We can't. We can't play it. Damn, you two are cunts!

I don't know why I keep asking. It's a great... Yeah, that is annoying. Yeah, remember we played a whole Freebird on here. What was that we played? Oh my god, that was glorious. Glorious! I talked too much. Nah, you didn't talk to it. I read the comments

what's that? so you get the comments and you lose the music hit it there you go fatty put it down hell yeah we need some uh... un-copy written versions of the song like call in with a few but you can't even do a cover! They'll fucking...

They'll think you do a cover! Nah, you still gotta do the credit. They'll nick you with a cover. I don't fucking like a cover man. They'll nick ya. They'll steal from ya. I loved... my favorite one was Conor's... When Conor does... when he was talking about you, when uh...

Uh oh. Khabib. He's like... That's an illegal me! When he was talking about you when uh, uh-oh, Khabib That's an illegal knee shut up Joe you fool yeah Call the police that's an illegal listen I have to do commentary on the rules No, yeah, I have to if someone lands an illegal knee I have to let the audience know it's illegal But I love Connor was talking about though About the fired up. Yeah, he's to let the audience know it's illegal But I love- Connor was talking about the- Connor was just- About the- Fired up?

Yeah Talking about the commentary? He gets fired up He gets on Twitter He gets on voice Twitter He's the only guy on earth that uses it Nah I mean your wife DMs Joe

Shut up Joe You fool ya Connor's in the Springbok Remember the Reebok? Well this is the Springbok Yes let me hear it It's so good Listen this is my I think not only should it be legal I think all knees on the ground should be legal 100%

I think no one around opponent to the head should be legal The only problem with that is the cage It's the only problem because you can't move your head out of the way Got your head pinned against the cage they knee you in the face. That's disastrous Yeah, but every other place I feel like you should be able to knee somebody in the head on top on the bottom It would stop stalling it would stop people like hanging out in the turtle position You would be able to there's a lot of reasons to stop You should have knees on the ground so I think what he did

100% should be legal if you're on your back and a guy's on top you can knee him in the head that should be Legal there you go significant advantage being on top You should also be able to knee him in the head if you're on top That's like realistic. That's what fighting really is during the Khabib sir No, he was on the Khabib play? Sure. There's no chance he was on top during the Khabib. No, he was on the bottom, that was the thing. Even on the bottom it's illegal. On the bottom you're not left?

Yeah, so say if- Because he's also got a knee on the mat. Exactly, so if a guy's grounded, he's on top of you in side control, right? So a guy's on top of you, his head is here. If you lift your knee up, you can just slam his knee. From here, you can just slam his knee into your head. here It's illegal you can't throw a knee or a kick to a grounded opponent in the face I see fire them up. They tell that to Don Fry

Well in the early days everything was legal. You know I died in pride they used to stomp Probably they used to do soccer kicks and stomp. Pride week? No no. Back before pride was about fucking dudes. They love knees. They're always on the knees. Mark, here's a good question for you Ari. Cause you're the gayest person here. I agree. What do you got? Who is the gayest person here? You look like you own a gun range. Women are swooning over me. When did pride become automatically associated gay that's a big interesting that is over UFC Like if you just say pride first was MMA. Well, you see America America was the first pride thing. Well, they're called proud boys

Remember you had pride though. You would say you had pride in America. Yeah, I'm that norm joke about that I pay taxes I live in this country all right easy let me let me so fill us up for goddamn beer Stonewall 70 bro stay away from that I got a joke on this so in 1970 away from Stonewall but still back then even have the fucking manhood to defend themselves the Lesbos stay away from Stonewall, dude. I got a joke on this. Stonewall of the Lesbos. Gays didn't even have the fucking manhood to defend themselves. The Lesbos took it. Stay away from Stonewall, dude. That's my one good joke I got right now. Please. I missed it. So, 1970. It was 1970.

It was Pride. Yeah, but that's when they started calling it gay pride. But the word pride wasn't synonymous with gay. Because the gays steal things. They took the rainbow, they took pride. Oh, yeah You see the black power speech when the guy invented black power. No, Martin Luther King took a day off one of the rally Campaigns and this guy was like waiting for the opportunity goes fuck white power About us have a black power and they all start chanting it. He's such a good speaker and he goes

It's too late. Martin Luther King got back. It was too late. It caught on who's this guy? I don't know This is how flat earth got started It's 50-50 Truth there I can't tell you I wish we could I wish we had the fucking internet. I wish we had someone. I wish Fred Hampton would give a speech, dude. I would get the people going. I am a revolutionary. I would, I die for the people. Did you ever see this deleted scene from Forrest Gump since we were just talking about that?

Oh yeah. What is this? No, this is wild, dude. It's Forrest Gump was hanging out with Martin Luther King? Yeah, they had to get rid of this scene, but it's good. Smart move. There's no sound on this for some reason. Why did they have to get rid of this? Well, they raised a kid.

He's playing. They just had a comfortable time. I have dishes that are rolled by him. You can see he comes over, all the dogs are trying to attack him, and he gets a stick, and he throws it, and all the children are trying to laugh, and he's like, sorry about that. It's too ridiculous. Oh my god, That's so ridiculous

Whoa They would have torn into shreds oh he would have had zero chance staying alive he would have no skin left That's actually offensive what this I think even back then they were like we got to cut that All they had to do was toss the stick back and civil rights It was ridiculous in the right way I will go that far with ping-pong you can't tell me yes mark I will go that far with ping-pong. You can't tell me yes, Mark. Yes I'm Mark and no one from the african-american community could have figured that out. No, no dude was good at dogs Hold on a second. He is a rapist uncle What is this?

You can't do that anymore. There's so much implied. This is like day one. You can't pants a kid? Not anymore. I've been pantsing kids my whole childhood. Listen, that balding old man

that balding old man who has zero chance of pussy can't pants kids. Come on. I can't do kids. Yeah, come on I guess do it mark and do it listen you look at that If you bought if you're balling that pants, you know, it's the way he looks so I got like three weeks This is very important the odds of a woman choosing that guy over anybody are very small So that guy's probably love confidence, you real and obviously not company is wearing a fucking vest What if he's a beast dude? That's the idea is this is a crazy person look at his grimace as he pants is up This hard as a rock while he's tormenting a child

This is a fucking creep with two terabytes of kitty porn That dude runs a Discord server. That was originally people looking at AI child porn. That was supposed to be Kevin Spacey. He didn't get the role. Not in real life. The real guy is, you know, it's an actor, it's a movie, it's a different time. I'm just joking.

Yeah, that was 92. But if that was a real human that was alone with a little kid and that's that's your move Not like like tell you I think it's funny Bobby. You want to know what I do for a living Who is that guy? That's not his dad at some fucking creepy, dude. He got stuck with You get stuck with fucking 50 year old incel wants a pants you and then go jerk off to his discord server you and then go jerk off to his discord server this is a fucking psycho that guy's a psycho that guy's a straight-up psycho tormenting a young child who has so he's so vulnerable he can't do anything I would pass my nephew yeah if that guy passed me I'd get a knife you get a knife and the next time he passed me I'm gonna take a canoe trip yeah that's

a fucking guy with That's what his goal was I think it was opposite me dethrone him you're a big man But I had a little tiny back then it would have probably taken away from me Oh, you had him I had a little fucking Swiss Army knife when those little bitch ass. I caught him a hundred percent Vulnerable man this guy was a weird dude. I just get a freak. Tell me What you ever get sexually assaulted by man you were in a very serious religious group January It's storage space Meered bloody mattress that's a snopes Let's give it a go you all look at the black power

Give it a go this guy's not a journalist. There's one fake one and that you guys made about the tunnels Yeah, you'd be like that's AI. I don't know what the city Jewish community literally won't just make a statement Just here's where it is well the Jewish communities are responsible for like one psycho made a tunnel that synagogue Well, I say something that wasn't one guy brother Definitely they go all the way to Cleveland Wow, there's a lot of tunnels. Come on. Hey now that we're talking about the Jews How much do you guys control the weather for real? It's not like that dude. You can guide it Well, couldn't you help the forest fire? You can't go you can't go from you can't go from like 85 to like 60. Okay, all bullshit aside.

If it's 78, you can go to 82. Listen to me. All right. It's pretty good. Sunny. No one's listening but me and you. Okay. Why was the smoke orange? In just in New York and not in Toronto.

What did your people do? What are you, burning foreskins? Was it you guys or was it the CIA? Who burnt the fucking chemicals and made the fucking sky orange? A lot of menorah candles. There's gotta be a Jews made the sky orange. This is, these are the type of conspiracies

that distract. Look at that. Air quality similar to Bay Area's 2020 orange sky. Similar, super similar. Bay also has a lot of Jews. Guys. And Asians. It's super similar to when the Bay Area had fires right next door where you could see the fucking flames and it turned the sky orange It's in a garden super similar to a place where the fire is

thousands of miles away Super fucking similar to the It caused the gray to look red the fucking flames, you know Similar gray to look red the fucking flames judo go back go back to judo super similar who's see that boy again oh it says air quality i'm sorry i misread it it said air quality yeah the air quality is real similar so i thought they were talking about the sky color

i'm sorry i'm sorry i got carried away i think these types of i blame protect our parks and bud light these types of theories distract from when we sit around and talk about like controlling the weather and stuff distracts from Actual actual what you guys are you know? What are you really up to in the temple? Oh, yeah, have you guys done? No? No? No you guys done you guys all trans kids Weinstein, Epstein, Dadoff. What have you done?

False. Okay, what are we fucking Googling? Oh, the description in this post paints a false picture of the tunnel discovery which was reported to police by synagogue officials.

Wait, wait a minute. The synagogue officials? You wanna disbelieve it. What, wait a minute. You don't wanna believe a fucking realistic explanation. Look what this says. You're looking for the answer. Well, who wrote it?

Scroll up, scroll up. It must not be true, let's examine the author. Who wrote it? Please, please. It's on your video, Weinberg. For the audience. For the audience at large. USA Today is the article. But let me be clear let's go back to the

Hannah wrote this okay It says the description in this post The description in this post paints a false picture of the tunnel discovery which was reported to police by synagogue officials Did they report the tunnel is that what they're saying because that's not real. I don't know who reported it. There's no actual reports on what happened. People saw Jews coming out of the ground and they were like, hey! I've been about it. I've been about it. I've been about it. Is this a fucking movie? City officials said there was one tunnel, not a series of tunnels.

Incorrect! Incorrect! After they appointed, all the way to Cleveland! I'm telling you, all the way to Cleveland. Cleveland. An actual... I want to be clear. The Protect Our Parks actual Jew... All the way to Cleveland. Quote-unquote. It was adjacent to the synagogue, not under it. It wasn't under it, you fucking liars.

Mattresses shown in the viral video came from behind wood paneling inside the synagogue not from the tunnel It's amazing how everybody wants to go to underage sex trafficking It's from behind the synagogue Kanye was right. It's not related to the tunnel guys It was underage sex trafficking Everybody goes straight to that every time it's so funny What else was a tunnel for you fucking dumbass? Oh yeah, couldn't be storage space in Manhattan. But hold on guys, guys, guys, guys.

Storage space for beds? But guys! So much! Guys! You didn't look to Manhattan? Look how crazy this set. What this is saying. The mattress is real! This bloodstained mattress is still real.

Who gives a fuck if it was 12 feet to the left? So it's it's in the synagogue, but it's not in a tunnel that's under the synagogue. Who gives a fuck? This is crazy. Yeah, you got a mattress. It was in the garbage It's right there! It's not right there! They threw out a fucking mattress that somebody bled on. What's the blood for though? Why the blood? Okay. Shicks! I see. But this is, this is the last part. Last part says an unverified video shows what appears. Shicks! It's every month with them! Ari, Ari, Ari, Ari. Slow down. Look at the end of it. It says an

unverified video shows what appears to be a high chair. Oh. But it shows only one such seat. Little kids. And it was located amid trash, clutter, and dirt in a basement room, not in a tunnel. There you go. So it's there, not 12 feet to the right. The whole thing is so crazy. No, that wasn't in the tunnel. That was in the other shit that we discovered when we figured out we had a tunnel.

We don't throw things out. Someone else might need a high chair in two weeks I thought you just sell it later to save it why chuck it we might need it when it's Catholics I'm like yeah for sure Oh confrontation began over a timing to fill in the tunnel why would you fill it in once 30 built just regulate it But you're allowed to have a basement you can't have a tunnel the best was you have an attic can't have a tunnel you have A secret room. That's fine. No tunnel. You got to do it up to code the best of the guy was like I heard everybody complain you have a tunnel. I have a tunnel at my club where you go into the audience We need a real time all right that was real Hmm we're on the ground

Listen Shane Gillis. What I don't go in tunnels Shane Gillis when you think about the the art was not sure of my club It's a secret tunnel when you go inside and you go downstairs. You're under everything you're under the street You're in a tunnel you feel at home there You do that tunnels with you like tunnels For tonight wait wait the thing with the guy saying I heard you was not real I want to put a stained mattress in the tunnel sleep so you can see it when you get up to the stage right next to the stage like no no worries Ari it's just a stain mattress it's not even in the real throwing it out you fucking cow and Qanon yeah they

were throwing it out by the way QAnon people! Yeah, they were throwing it out by leaving it. It was amidst the rubbish! Doffed into a dark corner of their fucking building. Yeah, throwing it out. Dude, you don't know what it's like. Eventually, when I get done fucking people on this mattress. They find an old t-shirt. They're like, well, we should find somebody who can use it.

Let's not throw it away. Somebody wants a shit-stained mattress. Oh, look at that! That's a gay squirter. Whoa. A gay squirter That's an enema that's an enema release whoa What's with the wigs by the way with the ladies? It's it's you're not a truck

That's how to do it where we put on this and a costume today. You're gonna be a gypsy They threw out a high chair and everyone's like tomorrow you're a leprechaun Every day you're a different thing. I'm so bored. Do you listen? I want you to bake pies and dress up well you're a squirrel You're a Jew. I mean how do you feel about the Jew hate right now? I don't see any of it come on I think it's all internet related you guys shut it all aside you will 100 it. If I went to a very specific region of the world Yes, I might see it. But online it's more emboldened Yeah, but I'm in New York and all over the country and really the world and I've never seen any I've been all over the world since October 7th. I've been all over the country I've never seen a single thing in my real life

So I think it's you got to shut your computers off and live your fucking life Go on hiking. But isn't it what we talked about about reading comments? It's like that it's that they're shoving the worst shit in front of you all the time. So you think that's the world It's not the world. I'm the juist looking guy in the world if there was any fucking anti-semitism Statistically realistic it would come to me I want to say come out as a correspondent for the JRE to go to the free Palestine protests. I'll go to that I'll try to blend in I could that Target even for hooks would you?

Everyone could do so much damage you're talking about Jew you're a Jew Jew face Never had a problem, would you say that goes to everything black people are not that 100% almost everybody's another brain this friend a martial art the same thing you just imagine all these terrible things happening when day-to-day life 99.9% is fun everyone just enjoying the weather the same time if you're Ari Shafir now if you're everybody right they said the same thing to me it's just like I'm in fear of all this stuff happening depends who you talk to if you're online more, everything's terrible.

But if you're in the south side of Chicago where violent crime and murder is higher than it is in Afghanistan at the peak of the invasion, then that's not real. I guess so, but I'm not there. So what you're saying, imagine this terrible place. No, you don't have to imagine it, but I'm just saying like if you make a blanket statement that like everybody's life is less Terrible than what you're seeing in the media Almost everybody's initially insignificant if you just shut off your computer You say you wouldn't see any hatred any anti-black hatred anti-anthra Jewish

None of it just go out and go for a hike everybody's pretty cool with each other if you're talking about hatred. Yes, that's true We're gonna also small things on college campuses on a day And wouldn't we all agree that most hatred is rooted and you just don't know that person. Yeah Yeah, understand them. You'd be pretty cool. Yeah, and all SNL was pretty chill Yeah, and you're like, yes, what's I hate them? You're like now, you know, that's pretty chill bud light And I say that But like coming out of an eagle's asshole. And I'd say that... Bud Light rocks.

Bud Light coming out of an eagle's asshole is even better than regular Bud Light. Bud Light coming out of an asshole. Of an eagle? Of an eagle. Of American Eagle? This is what you're doing. America does rule. You're felching a fucking American Eagle.

Damn, we're not even allowed to show that cool America's number one video that we always share in the group chat. Fuck yeah. Can we just play that and see what happens? Do it! You gotta do it like this? And... Oh.

I think the fact that we can say shit online but you don't get any repercussions has added a lot. Yeah, exactly. You say like... You used to get beat up. You say horrible, crazy things. It's all fine. It's all fine.

Life's great. You mean this place? This place here. Us? Everything. I'm saying in general, like you say shit online, you say mean shit, and you'll never have a repercussion. I think that adds to a lot of it. It's all virtual. It's all nonsense. People are saying this, like no one's saying it. They're posting these things. They're posting mean things. They would never say that in an elevator. Never. Never happens.

But they would say it online. It's segmented tribalism. We're we're so it's all tribalism it's so it's always stupid it's stupid and it's also if you have fucking social media you have this ability to fucking isolate groups of people it's so fucking dumb in the real world most people get along if there's communication and it's a lot of opt-in they're cool if you're cool in this communication everybody's cool it just got warm in New York on a day high six and every there's no left and right there's no high class low class what a good day how many dicks did you suck that day?

from both sides of the galley I feel like that was what was next New York's It doesn't matter the alter the upper upper east side is right. Where do you live upper West is right? What do you mean right? Oh, they're there dudes economically there? Yeah, we got everything there. Let's just hit it dude who cares about the strikes. God America Listen this is the best place to be well despite all the chaos the chaos exists in the world We're talking about Scotland's trying to arrest comedian. I know it's so easy here

Sean Connery hit women those are the days we didn't talk about that fucking guy in Belgium Jamie show the means So these guys can see the shit that this guy was like sharing Gerard de Pardue the memes are fucking so innocuous They're so nothing. They didn't even come close to the memes. We share So what does that tell you Well, everybody keeps coming here That's two bitch. America's number one. Number one in memes? Number one in memes. Number one in memes. So what does that tell you? What? That's what I'm saying.

Well, everybody keeps coming here. Exactly. We're going somewhere. You're talking about my uncle, 15 years ago. I'm just saying. I'm not coming here. You're talking about my grandparents. Yeah, mine too.

I'm second generation. Sicilian. Who's talking shit on America like that? All kinds of locals. No, no no just online Nobody knows everybody knows we're number one. Well. How about they I'm gonna leave if this guy wins like that You're not gonna leave yeah, but they don't ever leave How'd you like to live in Minnesota if it was fucking gayer? Welcome to fucking Canada.

Right. Gayer and colder. Imagine Minnesota but not cool at all. Just gay. Yeah, no Somalians. Unless Trudeau's on Halloween. Let's get the right wine. Bro, they might get rid of that dude. If they do, they could pull it around. Who?

Trudeau. That Pierre Polivet. How do you say it? He who true dough oh that pierre polo vet how do you say it he's pretty sexy that color they how did I say it right no I didn't he's very French it's also be honest brilliant we've been trashy smart we've been trash in Canada because of how gay true doe is but Canada does fucking rock

Canada rules in the summer Canada is one of the old times oh you 20 in there how about bitch he's pissing in bud like Canada is one of the all-time Oh you 20 in there You son of a bitch He's pissing in Bud Light Canada's dirty bitch Eww Make this part of your new campaign where I piss in bottles I'm trying to ruin my campaign You little nasty motherfucker

Piss in that whiskey Don't dig a cat, get a bottle No don't piss in a bottle that's half full Someone might drink it you monster Don't make it taste better Online Town and Vancouver's fun crowds Good chicks good drugs

Trudeau though they go a government can you imagine? Everywhere I go I go to you bring up Trudeau though, they go ape shit. Who brings up the government? Can you imagine being in a bar toilet? I hate Canada. Everywhere I go, if I go to Canada, I'm like, fuck Trudeau. Yeah. I don't go to Canada. I do. I go all the time, right? I say, fuck Trudeau, they get fired up.

The truckers hate him. The truckers hate him. Regular people hate him. Historically, Canada is a good country. They go hard, dude. They're nice people. They read D-D. That's why they're so subject to this bullshit. Because they're trying to be nice. That's why they're nice people they were a drink they were so why they're so subject to this bullshit because they're trying to be nice that's why they're so vulnerable because they're trying to be nice because

they're genuinely nice people so it's cold as fuck up there people cooperate they're nice I'm gonna get fired up get fired up this is they're one of those they're a big fella no they're not that fired up my I might be dumb and wrong But those are one of those countries that like the UK like when they call like when they go to war which they always do They always call on the bros. It's always Scotland Canada Australia all the Dominions that are just like Settler white people we've been making money for you all these years when they ever

When they call on like Australia and Canada to go to war they go to war dude, and they go hard They've always gone hard Canada rules Historically Canada rules historically yeah right now. They're being gay Has a fantastic history combat sports fantastic history of combat sports for athletes. Solid chick hockey players. McDonald's and comedians. Rory. Norm MacDonald.

Norm. The other guy. Jim Carrey. Yeah. Those donuts. But for fighters, Tim Hortons' rules. Give us a short one. Listen, there was a guy in the 1980s.

That whistler's awesome. There was a guy in the 1980s that was a French Canadian named Jean-Nives Terrio. Sounds familiar. There was a guy in the 1980s. There was a French Canadian named Jean-Nives Terrio. Sounds familiar. And he was a fucking assassin in kickboxing. He was the man. What about Saint Pierre or whatever? Yeah, but I'm talking about the 1980s. Oh.

There was a guy named Jean... Jean... It's not related at all, Mark. He's Canadian. Not even close to related. This is like, shut up. This is like kickboxing in the 1980s eighties. I read this guy's book I started running stairs because you had a kickboxers book About 30 kickboxers books

I did sit-ups and then I kicked that guy in the fucking head That would be a dumb fat dudes interpretation world class combat sport Tell you what to do Thing to say dude, that's true. What a disgusting thing you just said when's the last time you read Steinbeck you're reading fucking Read these books since I was like 21 sure for the time I was 15 No, I did it because I was trying the same reason why I got the stupid tattoo my right arm of Miyamoto Musashi I read books on

If this didn't work out you would have been the dumbest mother Read books on If you can read about a dude is figured out I fuck people up with his feet He just kicked people in the face for a living. I'm like tell me how you did this I saw my love that's what kickboxing books are about so this guy was Jean-Yves Theriot So we want to think about oh my god. He was a fucking assassin man Whoa, he's from Montreal, and he's a French Canadian Fucked everybody up turns and what I'm telling you man. He was a fucking assassin What happened? Do you understand this guy was my hero when I was a kid man, he was a fucking assassin. What happened? Dude, you don't understand.

This guy was my hero when I was a kid. Where'd he go? When I was kickboxing, this was the guy I was trying to be. I was trying to be this dude. Whoa, did he kill him? You gotta understand, there was no money back then. He jumped off those people so fast. He's like, I'm done, they're done.

He was a fucking assassin. He was a very nice guy. He had a fucking gay cop mustache. It was awesome. And one of the things that he said was that he increased his kicking power substantially by running stairs. So I started running fucking stairs. I read this dude's book when I was like 15, 16 years old. I love the chest hair. Bro, he was a monster. He was fucking everybody. You you gotta understand this guy's record was just littered with chaos everybody was shorts

But kickboxing back then here's the deal about Those are like we're seen kickbacks boxing back then It was all above the waist come on man It was all above the waist. Come on man, what's up to that? Nobody had figured out Thai boxing yet because the Thais had not come to America yet. Jack-Doc-Tai. When the Kai... Jack-Doc-Tai very well.

I don't know what that means. Hell, that's a... Remember the Falkers. Remember the Falkers. That's Rick Rufus. Rick Rufus is the American hero. Oh, he's a bad producer. Oh, dude, he was a monster.

Rick Rufus was so good that's Don the Dragon Wilson Listen, I want you to Google Don the Dragon Wilson versus... 69. Uh, god damn it. Dennis Alexio. Don the Dragon Wilson versus Dennis Alexio. This is like a peak in your childhood here. Don the Dragon Wilson.

You could have gotten into wrestling. You got into this. What I could have gotten is like serious brain damage. So wait, alright, this is Don... This is Don the dragon Wilson versus Dennis Alexio so Don the dragon Wilson is like a legend in kickboxing like when there was

no money in kickboxing. 54 and 1. He was a monster. That's what I'm looking for. He was so good so he fought this guy Dennis Alexio and Dennis Alexio who was a fucking assassin but he didn't understand leg kicks as well as Don did so don So get a little further on this see Don just kicked his fucking legs out from under him and Dennis Alexio was a tank He was actually in one of those John-con Van Damme movies. Oh really he was in kickboxer. He was like his brother that got killed by Tong Po. That's right

kick those the column. Number three. So this was like a really important fight because it was one of the first fights between kickboxers, you started leg kicking them. And by the way, Don the Dragon Wilson, as good as he was, was not a tie. He wasn't like a real expert or a Dutch guy like Ernesto Houst or you know any of the greats like there were so many great guys that came out of Holland. He was a guy that was like an American guy who learned how to do leg kicks and started fucking people up with them when they allowed them.

Were the Dutch nasty at it because they colonized Southeast Asia? They were so nasty. First of all they were big. Yeah but was it because they colonized Southeast Asia? I don't know man, but there's so many great guys. Why else would they be good? Listen man, there's Rob Kamen, who's one of the greatest of all times. Ernesto Hoos, Peter Ertz, so many guys. Or do you think the Dutch? Do you think the Dutch brought it to Southeast Asia?

No, they learned it. They were down there. They learned it was either they learned it they were down there cuz I learned it but they were way bigger World War two popped off it was Japan attacking Dutch colonies to get the rubber in Southeast Asia what it was yeah that's why the Dutch were always down there that's why they they had like Sri Lanka forever they had he's oh yeah they ran that's why they're good at kickboxing is cuz they colonized Southeast Asia that's cause because once they had everything they're like you guys can take it back Yeah, they just like with certain countries like They were like well, they didn't Cincinnati they were number one. Yeah, they did what England did they just became a bank They did that they did that more money in that the Dutch kickboxing roots can be traced back to the

1970s Dutchmen traveling to Japan Hey, they're in Japanese kickboxers Which blended elements of Kyokushin karate and more time not southeast 50 years you watching Shogun? Oh my god It's awesome. How good is it? It's like a Japanese game of Thrones They ruin it. Yeah, ladies in it. They put ladies in it There was an article written why are there no black people on Shogun people like 1600s Japan you're fucking swinging every virtue flag you have Let's get black people on sugar. That's so crazy. I know that is so bananas

So bananas that could be good. Why were there no Japanese people on alien? What do you say it's a movie you fuck Why is it no women in reservoir dogs? Cause it's a movie! It's a movie about a moment that happens to have only guys in it That's okay just like the Barbie movies okay? It's fine! It's all Barbies, it's fine! Barbie movie when

Have you guys seen it? It was great I enjoyed it Yeah I liked it I did not have a guys seen it is great I was yeah yeah I liked it I did not have a problem with it and I had a problem with people that have a problem with it it's a good movie it's a good movie where's the black people in show?

there was one I guess there is one in the show no of course yeah there's a character but this is complaining oh black thorn I okay I haven't gotten to that person yet you son of a bitch is it that good obviously? Way better way better By the way, fuck me. Yeah, fuck me, but why the awards who cares to me?

It's better because I'm fascinated by Japanese culture. It's this like as well done as that? Is it real as that? Better than married with children? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why the fuck is Son of Anarchy here? It was like cool. It was right away, I believe this. Son of Anarchy would be awesome if it was on HBO. Yeah. If they got to go gangster.

First couple years, dude. I entirely agree. Right? 100%. That show would be incredible. It opens up with him executing a stalker and then fucking her while he's bleeding out It was pretty fucking good right away. They got wild at the beginning at the beginning was pretty fucking good later It was like doesn't have that sweet sweet ad money. What's the island? It was like what are we doing here? I have a bud like that's a the hell's angels should be a show They were all on crank. never read Hunter S Thompson's book You know I

Read chasers of it, but I never like what happened right a BL started over talk, but beer This is the Joe Rogan experience throw one million dollars of the problem We throw one million dollars into the problem. Jamie! Jame-o! We have a million dollars that they can get us some beer. To an esteemed guest like Shane Gilles. And bring that menorah over here, will ya? What's that?

Train by the, Train by the. Oh yeah, get Carl out of here. Get all the podcast by night. Look at that, Carl's like a 9-11. Isn't that the greatest promo of all time? I love it so much. That's crazy. The Diaz brothers are king.

But when Nick said that, I had no expectations. I couldn't believe you said it. I was like, oh my god. What? That's our new introduction. Yeah, you just made it Yeah, shout out to red band red band put it together. What happened? It's funny to see when you were there Yeah, I was like, oh shit. It's like Nick Diaz Meanwhile, I'm like fucking in awe the one time you took me to the You took me to one fight and I was standing there and Cameron Simons won a fight

He's just little South African like that motherfucker He just beat the fuck out of guy and then he stood up and like ran over to where I was sitting it was like Hey big fat man I'm sitting there home. No way The You know he was on a dude's back you know many times You know many times I've been with Theo and Dustin Poirier fights. Yeah, that's the way and Theo are homies They're like fucking point at Theo after you know it's amazing

I'm not when Dustin Poirier said at the last UFC? I missed it. I missed it I didn't cuz I'm just trying to get the most out of him in an interview. He gave a William Montgomery reference Shut up. I ain't never gonna stop. Yeah, no way. He literally said it and it sounded like William Montgomery But I don't know my brain did not register He and William Montgomery been doing DMS back and forth. Yeah. Yeah, he talked about him on Instagram Comedy is huge. He's the man. Poirier's win that night was Gigantic the best Jack that was like the coolest moment of the night, Louisiana My thoughts on that fight going in was that that dude is a dangerous grappler

He's a judo black belt started out. It's fucking French Special Forces guys Saint-anis He's a dangerous motherfucker, but poor he has an advantage stand up Yeah, and in stand up like you can't bridge that gap that quickly. Oh, yeah, there's like How long you been doing Santa he's been doing Sam's a little kid. He's got a wicked Wicked every striking everything is wicked. It's like he's got a wicked, striking. Everything is wicked. Leg kicks are wicked, the striking is wicked. You can't beat them. You get into the second, third, fourth, and fifth rounds, you start making fundamental, like tactical mistakes.

That's when conditioning and just knowing what the fuck you're doing takes over. And those guys with high level experience, they've been in hell. I know. Poirier's been in hell. I know. Absolute hell. So many times. I love Poir been in hell. I know hell so many times I love poor yeah, but Gagey my favorite fighter Gage's you got He beat poor yeah, well poor you beat him before he beat him. I know what he wanted the end he won

Oh, you're on the second one. Yeah, those guys can fight one times. It might be five. That's true I'm both of them, but I think he's my favorite fire. He was part cast me one of them Yeah, he was sweet, but Gage is an animal Gage. He's awesome. I love both of them, but I think Gagey's my favorite fighter. Poirier was barking. Passed me one of them. Yeah, he was. But Gagey's just an animal. Gagey's awesome. You can't stop him. Throw him.

He's fighting Max Holloway, UFC 300. Really? Who's coming? Where is it? I would love to know. Where is it? When is it? It's in Vegas.

Let's go. April 13th, I think. Let's go. Do it. Yeah, April 13th. I went to one of Theo. Fuck I'm doing a show in Austin. Where you going bitch? I'm recording a special two weeks later. Whoa! Two weeks? I've gotta be in the road getting ready. You'll be inspired.

I'm gonna like Halifax or Ontario or something. You're gonna fucking do comedy for communists? Halifax is a fag. for communists Fucking Trudeau bootlickers up there They just care about the lobster so mad right now Yeah, the UFC is tough cuz they're all cool. They're all fun. There's so many good ones like Cheeto sugar Sean was tough. I love sugar because you love you know, cuz I love Cheeto and sugar Sean's the man He's cool. He's like a Tony. He's a cool guy. You can't like them personally because like they're gonna get hit at least once

I know but you of course you like him See it's not like a football player. We're like, oh you got beat on that play like somebody punched you in the face Sure, sorry about your Sean's cool. I've hung out with him a bunch of times. He's got the accuracy. It's not like a football player where you're like, ah, you got beat on that play Like somebody punched you in the face. Sorry about that. Sugar Sean's cool. I've hung out with him a bunch of times He's awesome. I'm literally he likes comedy last time I saw him I was like, could you come please meet my friends like I he's awesome. Yeah, Sugar Sean's awesome. Cheeto Veras the bro Really? Both those things are both the bros. They're both the bros. So then they have to fight. It's hard. And you go, god damn. Yeah, they're both cool fucking dudes. I love both those dudes.

Yeah, they're both amazing. It's real hard. And it's hard when you're doing commentary on two people you love. And when one dude is just piecing the other dude up. Until the end? Like, Sugar Sean put on a fucking clinic. He did. Until the end though.

Yeah. And in the end, that's what Jason Perot was calling for the whole time. Making a brawl. Like, fuck this dude up. And he hit him with a shot to the body and really hurt him. Oh yeah. But that- And also-

That was a good fight. Also. Oh yeah. No one thought he had it in him. Oh yeah, got me. Oh yeah, got me. But he also, Cheeto put on a chin clinic. Oh my god.

Yeah, he's got a good chin. Good lord. He might have the best chin of all time That fucking that knee to the face had him looking at his ankles Crazy his head snapped so far back of your seen it like on slo-mo his head snaps all the way back all the way back I know and he never even stumbled no No indication that he was wobbled no indication that he was hurt He just fucking still do it. He's just dead back bro. He's an animal. He's an animal He refused to be hurt all those guys like comedy

I like it coming up to you at the way is like Like I think I fuck him up BJ the man Camouflage jacket that I wear like puffy camouflage. Yeah, you know got me that come on. He was wearing that I go, bro That's a dopest jacket versing goes you want one. I go fuck. Yeah, so he sent me one They're not be cooler Shawn's cool. Yo, I wish they didn't fight this and beat the fuck out of each other But that's just how it has to go and and at the end of the day you got to admire what sugar Sean did what he did Was no undeniable did he undeniable fucking he's nasty. He's masterful. He shared my he just keeps getting better man That's awesome. That's awesome. You're fucking in the world of me. That's huge

You know what met the world to me the first time I met sugar Sean It was a fight you brought me to I was in the back and he was like I was like hi I'm Shane. He was like I know you are I was like Fighters are some of the coolest fucking people you know me The fight in Atlanta this is years ago with Santino and Theo was there was like Elvis showed up Mm-hmm Theo was huge in the UFC world and then poor a hug them. Yeah, I was like, oh god I'm nervous in the UFC where they look first of all, it's like real similar thinking. It's very similar a lot of protect our parks But I can't tell you how many bros come up to me like once the next one

Yeah, I can't tell you how many bros come up to me like once the next one Like in this last week that was like so like coming up actually Because in this culture it's weird for dudes just get together and just be dudes But you can you just have to achieve escape velocity ever follow bros being bros Instagram no you would love it. It's a bunch of guys kicking like boulders like Ice on ice you know anybody know this guy you good. I'm good dudes being dudes yeah Why is that? So women are honestly they're so gay Similar to a lot of gay they like dick there's a lot of similarities Yeah, and are gay in a lot of ways if they weren't girls

I'll be gay you could laugh on a lot of dumb shit Girls he'd be like oh my god But I think women like dudes women like guys yeah, which is gay if you're a girl yeah A lot of what I don't know what fucking sample group you're Numbers Joe give me a look Like it on a big brown dick we're having fun. Yeah girls are gay Transporting to a girl's body with a with a dude's mind, but a girl's needs, so you need to get filled.

You're like, god damn it. That's quads of leap. That's the real quads of leap. Or he's like, oh, I'm a woman. Oh, I need a dick. And you're so straight, but you want cock so bad. It's like, I'm not thirsty, but I need to drink. I need it.

Yeah, but then the aftermath is a bitch. Well, if you're a dude trapped in a girl's body. I guess it wouldn't be that big of a do you mean being gay? Being a lady. Okay. Here's the question. It's like what are we doing after? Yeah, if they ever get to a point where it's genetic engineering Where you can literally become a woman and then go right back to being dude? Yeah, this is a matter of going through a procedure. That'd be nice getting a machine quick Would you be willing to do it for a couple of days just to see what? Guys because you immediately want to get you guys. I'll be honest wanting the life experiences gayer than having

Like to live like a bird it's like No, dude, I want to see what's like to have over looking at me for a minute. Yeah, I would like a giant for a minute You know they have compulsory middle military Service in like South Korea and Israel yeah, maybe they try out being a woman for a few check every guy Yeah, they have some coffee. Okay. Oh, this is what they mean when they say that right? It seems like that multiple orgasms and getting double stuff Wait wait I've had multiple orgasms and getting double stuffed. I'll take it. Double stuffed oriole. Who wouldn't want to be? Wait, wait, we're talking about sex again. Oh, sorry.

I'm getting double stuffed. Yeah, in my vagina. Being afraid to drink things that people give you. That's gotta be tough. Hold on, for real though. But a clit would be great. For real though, wanting to experience being a woman out of some type of fucking gay ass sympathy of like

that's sympathy? I wonder how hard it is not sympathy that's gay as fuck not sympathy that's how fun it is it's better maybe it's better

just have fun for a day free drinks all night wouldn't be cool I'll get you free drinks I've been asking for a decade I'll give you free drinks thank you but you're gonna have to give up that fucking bussy

We'll talk Remember that dude that had that fucking video where he's talking about what he did to dudes in jail. Oh, yeah Rock had a bit about it wait. Do you know about salad man? Yeah, make him toss my salad maple syrup or Honey, whatever do you know about sbr.org? Who what? You know about stop prison rape org. Oh, yeah, you told me about this multiple like survivors poems

Their pumps yeah, and they really knocked the gay right in it's pretty dark God it's so funny making fun of guys who have been assaulted. Yeah, that's tough, man. I bet that poetry's good. Fuck Robert Frost. It rhymes. It for sure rhymes. It's like, how many prison rapes do people get in trouble for?

What's the ratio? Yeah, this is the deal. That was a very intense video and Anyone else making fun of guys that get assaulted in prison does suck How many guys really think your assholes a pussy and what's wrong with them? I mean I get it. I've gone down in a chick's butt. Yeah, we all have yeah Yeah, but that's a chick not a dude with a fucking bandana Oh, it's not a clean but and a butt and a ball bag right in your face when they're like It's are you make it?

Clean how do you how clean you making that well they get the shower prison shower. It's all literally a shit pipe Good band how clean can it be let's eat off this fucking side clean it off a little dusted It's crazy eat off the sewer pipe eatin ass has gone up tenfold Girls did it. Yeah, that's seen with her She bent over the one hot chick and girls and she was eat the guy was eating around And she's like that's what started it all shot it up shot it up. Yep. It's porno. I'd not do it porn right Ari Oh, I helped you that's what gave the girls writers the fucking idea you watch girls Girls pretend That's what gave the girls writers the fucking idea. You watch girls? Damn it. He watched girls pretending if he had the crisper. You watch fucking girls?

He would be a girl. Now that's the case thing. We talked about it. That's so good, dude. You watch girls? That wasn't a bad show. I gave it like two years. First year was good, second year got like.

You New York guys are different, dude. Me and Joe are Texas guys. We're kinda fucking tough and straight. We don't watch that show. We don't watch that fucking show. We watch fucking BattleBots. Yeah. That was Scar Brothers? That's the 30 year old shit. Joe are Texas guys we're kind of fucking tough and straight we don't watch that show we don't watch that fucking show we watch fucking battle bots yeah Scar Brothers

I watch rodeo You watch sons of a herds? Yeah, a lot of rodeo No, we watch rodeo on battle bots dude you guys are sitting back home in gay ass Brooklyn watching fucking girls We watch prairie dogs get assassinated on YouTube Yeah, I do watch that Fucking uh, we have prairie dogs get assassinated on YouTube. Yeah, I do watch that. Oh, that's sad fucking Uh, yeah prairie dogs that shoot him with 50 calibers You know it's sad when a fucking beautiful beautiful horse steps in a prairie dog hole and snaps its leg

You gotta shoot it in the face. Ah Fuck prairie dogs. Why just now prairie dogs are good boys, dude What about a cow? What cow. I do love cows. Beautiful cow. They could provide you with many ribbons. Cows are so fun. Don't they send dogs out in the Middle East to run over landmines? No! Yes. They send fucking people.

Oh, that's better. They'll let fucking... Jews? People run across. Alright, good. Well, we gotta get those landmines out yeah we're not gonna get those oh don't you dare! oh that was a beaver! let me show that guy show me that man again. what is that a groundhog? aww you're such an adorable cat prairie dogs they're so cute

at least they're gone you don't see it like the JFK assassination it's just gone look at these cocks oh man wait I'm talking landmines Nobody's eating those Because they fuck up the cows Is that like groundhog or a caddy shack Nutria Giant No Those are all right to kill giant kill those right in the plant life meanwhile Why do you why is that okay, but that's not okay? I don't know one's cute fucking you know

It's really not okay squirrel squirrels are cute. They have fluffy clothes are great guys You know who's great and underrated possums. They're cute. Oh possums possums are fun guys. They're Irish Wait a minute possums are disgusting Possums are fun guys. They're Irish. Wait a minute. Oh possums are disgusting Tails Nothing oh just possibly like a cult and no cult look Cold I got it Cult a cost some looks oh cult like satanic shit. Yeah, devil worshiping

See if you can get some zebras running across some minefield Yeah, just unleash Jamie Wait till you see these guys clearing out minefields with just animals they found Bring it on. I've seen that. I'm yeah zebra. This is fine Whatever they got their hands on the guy send them through my house really detonate. Yeah, youbras? Whatever they got their hands on though. They just send them through minefields. Really? Yeah. Jew tunnel. Pull it up. Did you say Jew-tah?

Jew tunnel. Jew tunnel. I said Jew-tah. I was trying to make a Utah connection. I was like, I am not. We gotta make a Jew turn. Well, Jew tunnels, Jew tunnels equally is nonsensical. It has nothing to do with zebras.

Zebras crossing a minefield. Jew tunnel. I'm not sure what that is. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Jiu tunnels Jiu tunnels equally is

Crossing a minefield Jiu tunnel Hey have we shamed you out of using the stack of notes Well I cut it down Columns new job that last night he had a fucking he just he has it ready you cut it down in order to avoid back pain. Yeah Come near the amount of shit. I get on the road for this thing because of this job. Yeah, yeah It's so much bigger. That's way less. It's so much bigger. You don't even have that many jokes. 40% to smaller.

Did you write down every joke a multiple times? Don't fuck up the order. I'm not fucking up the order. Alright, cause that top one is all my new shit. This is literally insane. He does always have new. This is like right up there with the writing in the movie Seven. In fairness, he's always got new.

Don't fuck with the notes. I won't, I promise. That top one, just keep the top one abreast. Why are you doing this? I like the writing. Try reading that. That's my new shit. I need that.

I won't read it, I swear to God. You can read it, I just don't want you to ruin it. That's a good 12 minutes right there. They killed last night. Crushed you last night at the creek. It's a good 12 minutes right there They killed last night Mark you're a great comic You're one of my favorite comics Every time you go on I go I got to see what he's got shut up No, why are you being nasty? Well, you're being nasty. No, I'm being

Shut up. Why? Why are you being nasty? Well, you're being nasty. No, I'm being honest. You're being nasty. You piece of shit. Aggressively complimentary. Norman. Norman, that's a fact.

You got maps? Well, that was a... I need something to write on. You wrote on a map? Well, that's what they give you at the hotel. You know you have a phone, right? Dude, you've got the shining, bro. I don't like the typing.

I love the... Fart. Queef. That queef bit kills. Dude, if you do mass murder, these notes are gonna be evidence. Oh my god. A lot of this is working. It just says farts. Queef.

If you ever try to apply for a visa to another country, they're gonna go, let me see the notes. New page is good. Oh yeah. Get a book. Pegging. Yeah, have it organized What book

Yeah, most can get it's too hard on the back that's not You literally have a football in your pocket. Oh, yeah I've been told that before Reference I was looking for catcher's mitt. Hey, yeah That's better. All right crying orgasm is killing you have a baseball in your pocket All right, so there is that one what you gotta watch that crying orgasm. Oh He's got a bit on that his new shit. I did a he did the mothership last week. Oh, he's got a bit on that. His new shit, I did a, he did the mothership last week and I opened. He just put out a special and he's got a new 40 something. Soders rules.

He's a monster. He's a monster. Soders the most underrated. He's so good on podcasts. He's in the top 20 of that at least. He's so good. What do you mean top 20? Of that. He's in the top 20 of comics. Of underrated. No, he's in the top 20 of that, at least. He's so good. What do you mean top 20? Of that. He's in the top 20 comics.

Of underrated. No, he's in the top 20 comics. I'm saying easily he's underrated. We're going to make awards again? Yeah. He's underrated. People don't give him his respect. He's awesome.

I think he went to the acting road and all this shit maybe. No. He's finding his lane. This is what it is. He's coming into his own right now. So does... That's what it is. I don't know. This is what it is. He's coming into his own right now. Soda is... That's what it is. I don't know. There's guys that just like... Yeah, he rules. Everybody's like, oh my god, they're so good.

It was you, Shane. It was you. It was like, oh my god, this guy's so good. And then the whole world knows. Soda is the best. It takes a while. It's gonna happen with him. Yeah, but it's a weird process. And you just gotta like, kinda just keep grinding.

Well, I think you gotta put it on the internet. Like you put a YouTube special out. Like, Ahri with Jew. Like, Ahri with Jew. When Ahri with Jew you when that popped out everybody's like oh, okay? Special special it's called Sotars on the road. It's on YouTube right now. Yeah One month old right now got a million views. He's an animal. Yeah, well It's kind of nice cuz there's so much YouTube shit, and it the cream rises It's also like the community like if we say he's awesome. We're not lying. Why would no we're not a lot

We're not gonna if someone's good. Well. He's pretty good. He's working on it. He's you know. He's got potential He's got something, but when you get to that like soda level you go. Yeah, this guy's fucking super legit Yeah, he's around go see him. He came to the club. He murdered the whole Legit yeah, go see him he came to the club he murdered the whole Everybody was talking about he always murders since the day. I met him. Yeah, yeah, so nice I've never seen him not kill likeable fun. Dude. He's awesome. We don't kill Tony together someone mentioned cat Williams He just goes into a cat Standing oh at some point in the podcast with a cat Williams impression there you go. He's like I listened. It's crazy And then you're like I can write a joke, but I can't do any of these

So he can do the impressions and the the impressing about drones are only fun in the United States It's a fucking it's an awesome time for comedy. There's so many good guys coming up. It really is. And you read the comments, we were like, I can't believe it, I got Kill Tony on YouTube, then he got my favorite podcast, then he got my favorite comedian doing a new special. Yeah. Everybody likes what they like.

It's so much. It's great. It's a great time. Yeah, quit complaining. They can find out about so much stuff. Yeah. There's so much stuff that's available to see now. It's like... I know. But people are getting spoiled. They're like hey that went on patreon

Reading comments most people are really happy yeah The whole thing is like wow what a fun time to be a comedy fan It is If I was a kid like I was when I was listening like Richard Pryor tapes with my girlfriend when I was like 16. Everybody loved that shit. This is amazing. All the ideas like, oh college kids or whatever. No.

They all liked Adam Sandler. Oh yeah. Oh he's the generally fun fans. Yeah. We have a David Tell special coming out in a week. In a week? David Tell. He's on the podcast Friday.

That's gonna be crazy. Really? Hell yeah. I've seen it. It's grills. It rules. It grills. He's a monster. It girls. He's a monster girls He's another one. He's so underappreciated. That's what I mean top 20 of underrated. It's a it's a it's a weird plus minus We know what it is like guys Top 20 underrated comics is you're saying leave matter top 20 no I'm saying no matter what the argument is a great

He's in there. He's a great comic Grunt showed Underrated verse talent. I'm saying how dumb when I say top 20. I mean it goes don't even talk about anymore He's in this range of like whatever the point is he's great. He's underrated. He's trying to cover up for his bullshit I think so Where you talk about Louie like top 20 of all time? It doesn't matter what kind of comedy you're into he's in there Thing we got a David Tell special coming. Yeah The problem is dudes are so gross. We have to argue. I'm with all shit. We agree on I'm with Ari David Tell is top 20 underrated comments. Yes

That's all you said He's top 10 comedies. I know but I'm saying also underrated. I'm saying people don't give him his deal He is underrated, but do you understand what I'm saying? Can't we just say he's awesome? Yeah. Can't we just not argue like a bunch of fucking queens? I agree. I also agree. I didn't start the argument. You're the one who's a queen. You're the one acting queenie. You guys are... Fulkenra, Free Palestine, Dance Hoarders Top 5 all the time. You guys are bad neighborhood, back alley Queens with knee scabs Over stupid shit we all agree it's fine to the side of the radio is a fun argument

Of any sport of any whatever it's then you go to like who's best versus ratings. It's a fun argument Who's the most underrated football player who's your restaurant? It's fun. It's a fun argument. Who's the most underrated fighter Ari? mmm Chris Brown Ben Henderson It's fun. It's a fun argument. Who's the most underrated fighter Ari? mmm Chris Brown Ben Henderson Oh Dan Henderson Benson Benson Henderson. Yeah, cuz he was great and maybe The most wins verse whatever dominate his division people don't cut give him respect. That's the fucking that's the formula I'm talking about. Yeah, it's a fun argument. He's more of a pioneer But it's a fun argument who's most underrated. It's a fun

Yeah, all time not appreciated. Yeah, well champion all time underrated doesn't mean best or worst right right right right? You have to rating into account. That's actually a really good one That's a real good one who thank you. I was one episode of What was the name you son of a bit and Henderson Ben Henderson Ben Henderson? Henderson give me one of those bruises. I was one episode of Fighters Command. Sorry, what was the name? You son of a bitch. Dan Henderson? Ben Henderson. Ben Henderson. He came to say it. Henderson. Give me one of those bruiskies.

He was a killer. Oh damn. What about Mighty Mouse? Imanari. Benson Henderson, he's a fun fact. Mighty Mouse actually is... He's a beast. He was one of the greatest ever.

How about this? Imanari. Yeah. Underrated. People don't know about him. His stats or his highlight reals are fucking crazy I'm in a Jason Ellis skateboarder underrated. I great skateboarder agree underrated horrible skateboarder Wow It was top ten. I don't know anything about the sport now. He was not you know

He wasn't like top ten is ten and skating street skaters. No huge dong Lot of tattoo not now back then before fucking jackass got to him. No you're crazy Wow 10? No, he's got a huge dong, a lot of tattoos. Not now, back then, before fucking Jackass got to him. No, you're crazy. You're way off. Wow, really? Okay, you don't know anything. There's so many better skateboarders.

No offense to him, he does it. Street skateboarders of that time? No. He never can be wrong, if you notice it. Not even Carl. I'm saying, I'm giving it up for you. You know more than me with that. Shane, Shane, do you feel this?

This is a real flaw. You know what he does, which is actually really impressive? What? Is whenever he is wrong, he goes, wow, congratulations to you. I'm gracious. He would know more. It's a psychotic moment.

Oh wow, I learned something. You never called it a black power speech. Hmm, interesting. You're disgusting, I hate you. I think you made that black power thing up. That's possible, or you're just not willing to see greatness black people Black what you guys I rules we're complaining about all types of gay shit, but what's your guys favorite shit in America right now, dude?

My poop yesterday now. We're all sitting around going yeah, what's the best? Oh cancel culture is bad whenever what's the best stuff cancel culture is bad when ever? What is the cool of people telling you what you can say and what you can do now? The coolest thing you really go now You can do whatever you that's what the coolest thing is today And that's like the punk rockers of today and the people that are rebelling against this bizarre system That even like the artists have somehow or another accepted as being the right thing to think and believe and trust and go along with even though you know you're in a fucking cult and the people that are

resisting that knowing you're going to get labeled a fascist or a Nazi just because you see what the fuck is going on you people are out of your mind. How about me? Everybody the fuck is going on you people are out of your mind. I don't know you were everybody the fuck alone Those people are the cool. Yeah about America because this is one of the rare places on earth Well, you could still do that for now without being prosecuted, but why do we blow the people who? Complain the most I don't they're the biggest voice don't they just like But only if you pay attention, but you don't pay attention to that it goes away like I know

But like when Elvis was shaking his hips and like could you believe it? This is appalling. This is inappropriate Just loved Elvis Hater it's funny you see somebody going this guy Jordan missed three shots today Listen not everybody's gonna make it. That's the reality if you're all running from wolves not everybody's gonna make it There's gonna be a bunch of people to get taken out. Yeah, that's the only way that we stay alive It feels like a weird stance to take like I'm upset about this I'm gonna complain about that you're like no there's life of course You're concentrating on the musings of more you're doing these people you're doing it too. Yeah

What's the great shit out there all right Soder? Soder a teller special coming out is a great shit out there. This is a great time UFC's You said it best, Ari. You said comedy is awesome right now, because it's dangerous. It's just fun. People get so mad, and everyone laughs at them, walking out angry.

And it's better. Like, the reactions are better. It's just gross. You gotta be grateful. It rules. We should be so grateful. It's so popular right now. The failure's among us.

I gotta host Saturday Night Live. Shane got to host Saturday Night Live. He's not even a model. People complained. Yeah. Yeah. Pushed him up. If they didn't fire me a model! Because all these people complained. Yeah. Yeah. Pushed him up. If they didn't fire me, I would have never hosted that motherfucker.

That's true. He would have still just been on there. That's how it works. Yeah. I know, I just get weirded out, like, people we know are angry about stuff that's cool. I know, but you want to give them a hug. Why are you so angry? What people?

Let's go for a hike. People we know, comedians, can you believe he said this and said that? I'm like, I'm a comedian. I have filtered all those people out of my life. I don't want to name names. No, there's a lot. You know what I'm talking about. You know what and said that? I'm like, I'm a comedian. I have filtered all those people out of my life. I don't want to name names. No, there's a lot.

You know what I'm talking about. You've got to figure out how to change conversations. I don't know. That's really generally what everyone has to do is, as they talk, talk about that horrible shit, just be like, hey, great weather today, huh? Or I don't know, whatever it is. What the fuck kind of advice is that?

Shift conversation away. That's crazy. When they go, all this sucks. He just wanted to talk. Race relation sucks. You've You gotta go. Hey juicy. I see the new development I've hung out with you at comedy clubs. That's not how you Callum is great with this advice you should be president exactly 100% So rock solid

Here are you practice I'll go hey you see the genocide going on in Gaza No, but dude. There's a hike up there. That is so fucking good. You can go up to Masada not right now Sorry, they'll shoot you Well, they have long range rifles. They'll fucking kill you. You can still go to Masada. There's no doubt if they see you in the crosshairs. Oh yeah, that's one of them. Dude, I love it. As soon as I got back from MemeEvents, everyone was like, Oh, that's the genocide going on there. I'm like, I don't know man, it was pretty fucking cool.

Tea leaf salad's great. You at the cool genocide? I wasn't at the genocide! You guys are nuts! No, we're not nuts, we're just like trying to get you to clarify. I'm saying focus on positive shit Oh, yeah, talk about the weather ignore the genocide You guys ruin fucking conversation with Shut up, let's have fun. I agree. Yeah, ignore all the horrific things that are happening. Well. Let's focus on the genocide

I think we should focus on the genocide slightly and then have fun all at once we figure which one Which genocide yeah, you know one and you want to go down that road a couple The multiple genocides going on right now focus on what about the Uyghurs should we focus on that for a while? Should we have a break take a break from? Have a good time with bros and be like let's focus on Jeff you ever heard a bar when somebody brings up a fucking genocide It's the lamest conversation guys. No one likes it What I'm saying is you have a tool ready to go change conversation away from fucking dumb shit like genocide and horrible shit like politics Have it come back to some hey, did you see this new movie? Oh, that was great. I'm not talking about genocide

I'm talking about people annoyed by a word or a joke Same shit when it comes up you're like let's shift this conversation alright. I'll shift The problem is social media right yeah, I'm shift cuz those people post it and then they get a bunch of other cucks Vicious clip It's gonna be a vicious clip In real life don't you think you should have a tool to steer conversation away from your dumbs? Of course, of course, of course, of course, so I'm saying as a society we gotta have these conversations Alright, alright, I'm shifting Politics, religion, genocide, any of this dumb shit comes up

The negative shit was like guys what are we doing? That one seems important I get it, sure, sure, sure That's what don't do it important. I get Everybody says about their thing let's shift You guys ever going net in Yahoo Go to the only fans Imagine he had an only fans god you hear both sides of this stuff gets so fucking downery No, no if we're going back to comics that became look I'm not worried about comics that are like actually righteous and have like a good point right just the comics that became like speakers

Like just CNN Democrat. Yeah hardcore You know what they have in common They have in common. That's insanity low ticket sales all of them anytime you see somebody post a lot of You're talking about like a hardcore Democrat politics or other comedians. Yeah, yeah almost Entirely well, it's weird. I'll get mad They talk about and it becomes like you're just not doing jokes Yeah, you're just you're focusing on external things because you're not happy with the way you're being received

Yeah, well, it's making you not just write a joke I was gonna do a joke I was gonna do a joke about it, but Jimmy Carr did it and it's how like if you go on stage And you're like for real. I didn't mean that I'm sorry. They still won't believe you Yeah, it's like you you'll not believe my apology but you'll believe the joke right they want to believe it you want to believe the joke that's the weird if I go on tell you they're just playing I got you they're playing I got you but why this is what you want to do with your life it's just a fucking game it's just like playing fucking pickleball but it also feels like shit if they just

they're playing a game they're trying to win if they get you to complain about it. You lost to I guess Now you're corny you do to a certain extent but sometimes you can make things seem as foolish as they actually are and Someone if someone else isn't doing it Maybe you should I get certain as a certain point with some arguments It really depends on how much energy you want to invest in it and sure whether you not you recognize Whatever energy you put out on this thing is coming back at you like times on right I have to like figure out what you want to engage with and what you don't sometimes you should I just get confused by it

It's confusing because you're not a fucking idiot if you're a fucking idiot You'd be dying right in why would you do that? Yeah, I get virtual. Why would you do that trying to get people to give you likes? Yeah, it's fool Comic it is fun to see a comic shitting on another comic and you look down the timestamp and when it's like 2 48 a.m You should be DMing a slut you are doing this YouTube rabbit hole yeah, we're all gonna die one Half sold yeah, it's Friday night, and you have a hundred and fifty thousand your followers

And you don't you don't do that when there's an after party Yeah, what do you care about people who suck this isn't there's so much awesome shit to pay attention Yeah, we got a great time But the thing is if people suck in your industry and they're doing better than you you just have to understand like someone Going to see that guy they disagree with you like you maybe you should think about your delivery You know it maybe think about what what you are like how you are being seen by people other than you Also, you're on the side of everyone's having a good time or you're against that. Yeah.

You decide that everyone having a good time is bad. Yeah. Wow. What a weird stance. I'm not walking out, let me go fucking do something else. You hate good fun stuff. My friend is an agent and she's like like so who do you know that's funny because we're getting back into the funny stuff we're not checking back in a

funny agent but that's a true focus on the funny funny we're forgetting all right PJ this and that it's all about funny now I'm like J, you hear yourself. JFL used to be Buck Wilde. They used to have the naughty show. They would show you the best, coolest stuff, the people who get sat on our live for the shortest amount of time possible, and like anyone who could be good, they'd be like, here it is. And now it's like, here's a bunch of check boxes, no one bothers going. Yeah.

But was that a DEI thing? Was that a money thing? Was that a Wobbysing? They didn't hold the line. All these clubs, clubs hold the line but that's why UFC is the winner are you gonna do well who's better who's better fun and it's by the way the most diverse company that's also that's what comedy does to comedy clubs hold the line no they're just they're booking whoever's funny that's when they don't they don't hold lines. They don't book

Whoever sells tickets. Oh For the whole bar you're concentrating on the comedy clubs and festivals the same way idiots Yeah, comment vessels are gay and gay The whole the line of funny you've seen clubs go from like great bookers to like suddenly like You as a guy the mothership is holding the line. But yeah, but I'm telling you it's not easy to do. You have to have extraordinary resources to hold the line. Yeah, but why is that?

That's the reason because you have to have money to say fuck you. You have to be able to say fuck you. No, Ege used to have a list of people that would show the lineups to only one woman or less on the lineups and he's like, didn't show yesterday's when there's four women It was like and and he'll look back and go I just I I wish I would just but he was He's getting pressure from people that own the club who pressure from other outside I'm saying hold the line. They do well financially. They don't do well comedically Just don't know are you got to be willing to let it all fall apart

Yeah, if you have a business This is the only way you make money and you have 50 employees and all of them are dependent upon you to keep the doors open Yeah If you have an email campaign or some kind of crazy campaign or protest or something You run the risk of losing money and you get scared. Most comedy clubs, most comedy clubs, Ari, most comedy clubs make a little bit more money than it takes to run the place.

Most comedy clubs. They don't do great. So you're saying that Seattle Place should ban those people because it's not holding the line? What are you, Captain Strongman? No, I'm saying hold the line. I'm saying hold the place should book that should ban those people because it's not holding the line captain strong Don't worry about them because they're not real people. They're not real Ari most do yeah great concentrating on the few that Good club that books good comics is great, and then suddenly they don't hold the line and you're like

Well the craziest non holding the line is the Canadian place that banned Dave Louie and who else Schultz Louis Gomez One more person Seattle one more person One more person Seattle one more person James Smith. No no You're right yeah, I thought Canadian because they're behaving like yeah, they're not holding the lot They're not just like we're just gonna look funny you guys do whatever the fuck you want But they don't understand that they just bud lighted themselves, and that's what's gonna happen. Hey bud. That's great I know it is but there was a thing that happened You remember?

No, I don't. Before you? But that's what happens. That's what happened to Google when they released that fucking Gemini AI that showed the founding fathers of being all black people. And all the Nazis were diverse. It's not going to work out for you. The whole line, just do what's good and don't fall prey to that. I understand, but they don't know that.

They're just trying to stay alive. I'm just telling you that comedy club owners for the most part are barely making it right. They're just doing okay They're doing okay, and they have maniacs working for him. I have to fucking count on a guy like Bathtub acid you got from some dude in the parking lot on Friday night If you actually do want to make a living don't fall prey to what the fucking bloggers are saying just book Who's funny just book the good comics? World of shit online. Yeah, it's scary. I'm saying hold the line don't fall Look the great comics. Yeah, they have good social media and good marketing

That's possible But if they fucked up and they went all ice House and they don't have yeah then it sucks then you have a real price house is that well the ice houses never was good at booking the show this I say ice house not in reference to the new ice house but with the old one the old one was like one of the greatest clubs of all time but like on so many nights to be like just the worst comedy there it just wasn't good yeah you know because they didn't have anybody that was booking it correctly and then you could come in and you could do shows there And it'd be amazing you could book your own shows put it on your Twitter

It would be amazing But then you come the next night when you didn't do that you like what the fuck is going on here They didn't establish the right social media presence. They didn't establish the right email list They didn't have a good but looks what happens to like a JFL who doesn't hold it And it was like we'll just book what we think you guys will want and then it's like actually nobody really wants that in terms Take the buyers. Oh, yeah, so just fucking stay with what's funny. You will be good. Well, they're finding out bro that But that industry is fueled by Hollywood. Yeah. Just for Laughs was always in bed with Hollywood and it never figured out how to disconnect itself even after Hollywood wasn't valid anymore. It should have been just like this is the best comics that we know of that are alive right now.

Skankfest. Forget all the bull- Skankfest. Nope. No upscale tickets for the fucking industry. Not only that, with Skankfest- Shane built on that. You can't get tickets. I did hail on that. Shane did. But with Skankfest Shane build on you can't get tickets

Skank fest you fucking can't get tickets. It sells out. Yeah, it's fucking Exactly. It's sworn hold the line. That's what people want Mike when you get to my level you'll bail Hey good luck buddy, there's always like it it's Tim, Bill, and Shane on Sunday. Everyone's like, I think they might be going, who knows. I'll bail. One day when you get to me, you can bail, bud. All right. I think he's going to hold the line.

I'm going to hold the line. We'll see. Then I'll snort it. Beee. I actually got sick. I'll be there this year. Yeah. I'll be there every year.

I actually genuinely got very sick. It's a fun time. I love Skans. It's a blast. It's an important thing for Common. My agent pushed back every year, and I. I actually genuinely got very sick. It's a fun time! I love SkankFest. It's a blast. It's an important thing for comedy. My agent pushed back every year and I'm like, I gotta go. You gotta go.

It's an important thing for comedy, because it's a festival made by comics for comics. Yeah. Wild. Oh yeah, bong of beer. Bong of beer. I already had like four of them. Nah, bong one more for the truth.

One more! You're talking too much. Also, come to SkankFest, Joe. No, you're not. Ari isas Arias talking about gay ass shit Finding out stuff you actually agree with you talk about gas you know I don't I don't give a fuck about some Seattle club that Fired fucking Lewis they fucked up yeah, and Lewis was cool about and they're done. Stop attacking this club They do what they want to do. I do what I want to do. Yeah, that's when you know you won. That's the kind of shit you say. Yeah, you go, all right, whatever. Yeah. Respect my opponent. He's a good man. Thanks for showing

up. Yeah, he went the bigger man on there, which is good of Lewis. Easy, big fella. There you go, fatty. Shug it down. Too many D-hongs. It's cold. There's a cold one and he's putting it down, dude. Damn, that was fast. Joseph. Nice feeling. Yikes. If you do that in Iraq, they'd shoot you. They throw you off a building. Did that in Iraq with from an eagle? Yeah. Yeah. If you try to marry a guy, Iraq, you wear a dress. They'd be, you know, my favorite beam is don't waste it. Gays for Palestine. Yeah. Gays are Palestine. Palestine for gays. Gays for Palestine rules. And they still push in there. They're still on board with it. I swear to God that's a Jewish Psy-Up, bro.

It's Russia. It's Russia and China. That's a Psy-Up. Yeah, it's all a Psy-Up. What's a Psy-Up? What does that mean? Psychological operation designed to subvert the people's opinions about things. Gaslight you.

It's a good trick. Twist. Yeah. China's doing it right now. That's why everyone's trans. It's happening. It's real. It's, you know, one school China's doing it right now. That's why everyone's trans. It's happening. It's real. It's, you know, one school they found that 50-something percent

of the kids identified as LBGTQ or non-binary. Just joking around, dude. 50%. Yeah. Jesus, that's way up. What are the odds that that's real? Zero. Well, Dr. Phil. Zero. I like that Dr. Phil. He's a good man. He said it best. What? I can't remember. But he had a good line. Oh, he said if it's all about equity and equality, why the fuck am I paying 150 grand for this college? If it's all going to come out equal in the wash, what am I going to the school for? They never do the math on it. Which is a good point. Well, the thing is like we're entering into a world where AI is gonna eliminate most jobs. Yeah, 30% of jobs. We have to realize that right now if you're involved in computer programming, good luck fuck face.

I know they told you you're supposed to major in this. Fuck face Asians. If you're studying that, but by the way, you can learn from that and go on to like Jamie. What was your major? Walmart. You can learn from that and go on to like Jamie. What was your major? Walmart Recording our gender studies Became the number one podcast producer in the world. Yeah, how just doing different stuff not humble at all no Not humble at all. Nooo. You're dog-sick. Is that in your business card?

Yeah, I'm getting a little nasty. I'm gonna drink a little, get a little nasty. Leave my Jamie alone. He's a good man. I love Jamie so much. Jamie, how come you don't come to my house anymore? He's impotent. You've been gone.

Come hang out with me, man. You've been very busy, Shane. Since you've been gone. I need to bring you that meat thermometer. I bought a meat thermometer for you. Oh, that's a gay code. No. It's not gay.

No, no, no code no, okay Yeah, it unlocks grilling yeah, there's no guesswork anymore. I see that bone Norman needs it just unlocks it need deep and whiskey Now you've had that beer Shut up and suck on this Eagles asshole bring it on fatty put in my ass That's my favorite thing that you call me. Yeah Call me fatty he calls you fatty People not fat you like

You're like good job It's not one of my insecurities. I don't like being short. So when you call me fatty, I'm like, that one doesn't even register. I don't like when they call you short. I never call you short. I call you shorty. It's a term of endearment. You called me fat earlier.

You little fucking piece of shit. That was me. I said you're big fat fuck. I didn't call you fat. He said the amount of fuck you are is fat. He said the amount of fuck you are is fat. If there's anybody that loves you more than I do, they're related to you. I never called you a short little tiny guy that loves you more than I do they're related

I never called you a short little tiny guy, but I am so they but I don't do that I said you said I only said it because it was like important for like trying to get a laugh now You're reading the kickboxing book and you're gay It's too cold oh you didn't finish it give me Marcus. Oh you son of a bitch you have to finish There's your finnish anybody all the shit true But I did you can't give people your backwash no no that's all clean But you ever see those people that make beer they make with this fermented beverage and the women spit into it Why yeah boredane told me about it?

He went to this place and they they made him drink this shit And he's like dude this lady was spitting in it And like you have to drink it. I don't it was some South American. I've had that you've had it They just spit into it. They bury it. They spin through again They give you a bucket like how much I drink like as much as not be insulting. That's like fucking drink a bucket Where was it? Where were you Ecuador the Amazon? Oh, that's right. Yeah You've been tripping out now. Yeah more stories of this Actually wanted to talk to you about this, okay, I don't think you should have a podcast that's about anything other than everything

But you can always hear about travel let's do another podcast no, but no no no no no Just our Shafir sees the world. Yeah, it yeah It doesn't it doesn't matter if it's travel. It doesn't matter if it's fucking some AI dork It doesn't matter if you said podcast like this one just you yeah, I hear you but don't limit yourself I hear you the thing is like the thing that always drove me crazy I mean you had to have these themes for every show And I'm like, but it never stuck on theme when you and I get The only time I ever come back you and I reviewed one of my comedy specials. Oh earliest earliest comedy

Risky, which one was it? I think it's like my first one. No, no No, usually I did a first one but that one because I was on tour with you was not that one I think was talking monkeys in space talking monkeys in space that Denver that was fun It was it was yes, no, Ohio. That was Ohio. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Rocky Mountain High was Denver No, it was like yeah that one was stuck with you had this thing We would like have guys like review their comedy and like I had not listened to it and fucking 20 years so I forgot about it all I was like well, this is crazy, but

That's also okay too. Yeah, absolutely. Like instead of having this like one, this Ari Shafir sees the world. I get what you're saying. You're saying that's all I can do. No, no, no, no, no. But I'm saying that's just one thing. Travel podcast. You'll be tripping out now. Mark Norman's on the net tomorrow. But I'm saying there's lots of other stuff you can do too.

Right, like this thing. You know what? You know what we should do? Trust me, trust me, trust me about this about this we should go to Spain to discuss Spain We should go to Spain to this I would like to discuss Spain in Spain When we bring some equipment, and we'll do it in Madrid, okay fatted. That's fun. No that is funny Was outside there you go mark there you go. We've been waiting for three hours But my point is Ari do that Ari you can do all those things together. I have MMA podcasts.

I think you have more than one thing. I think you doing the travel one's alright though. Yeah, it's cool. But it's okay to mush them all together. He loves travel. Or you do lots of different things. I think you should ordain it. I think you should actually do it.

Kill yourself. I do some of those in foreign places. But here's my thing, put it all under one hub. Instead of having it all in a bunch of different podcasts like I like the travel one but I don't like the music one, put it all together. I get it. I do. High level yoga as well. Ari Shafir. This is the name. You've never done it? You can't touch your toes? Yeah. This is the name. Yeah, I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna touch my toes right now, dude. No homo. Okay. Watch this. Not bad, not bad.

I stand corrected. You can't touch your toes. Ari Shaffir sees your heel. You dumb Jew. Ari Shaffir sees the world. Dumb Jew, that's a buzz. That's not bad either. Especially right now. A lot of people click on it just for hate.

Yes, I agree Yes, yes, what some Jews? I like but you know you could be like stand up here Travel podcast you've been tripping about now Here just out there to set there. It's all under the umbrella of these guys doing shit. I think one podcast One man one put it all together. It is all together under if you search our here No one podcast with all those things connected. Don't have multiple podcasts, we do different things. Some people like to hear about travel.

Like travel, eat food and do yoga. I hear, I hear, that was my old one. Just put them all together. Ari Shafir Sees the World. You got a lot of content. In a little bit, there is a new travel podcast. But if you have it, if you call it Ari Shafir Sees the World, world everything yeah, it's everything you do

Yeah, it's anything all together, and it's just you that's what you need. You don't need a bunch of people down I don't want to subscribe to four different fucking podcasts Shut the fuck up stupid Podcast I never the fuck Can't lose I think What podcast I'm not talking about he can't lose I think we never admit what he can't admit is wrong what you're saying now has I got a kill tank or whatever skeptic tank is great was that it was a good pot it's dead but it wasn't that it was themed but it was also sees the world we did stuff about areas. We had a theme. I will say this is I did your pod and it's a good idea

I did it too, but it's all us talking about our passion travel I know we also do that. You're saying start another part. Are you sure fear sees the world? I see you in a top ten of iTunes right now. Can I have an opinion? Do it better than anybody. Can I have an opinion? Well, obviously not. Yeah, do the second best to anybody.

When it comes to podcast advice, maybe you should listen to the guy who might have invented it. Yeah, fair. But what? What are you gonna say? You've been wrong every time you've ever suggested anything when it comes to podcast you are you are consistently wrong I'm one of the best new early new podcast in the world. No, it's so stupid in 2003. Yeah Oh, I love you. Yeah, I think you saw I

I think I think you're very I think you you got a little you got a little gay ass Bourdain in you Yeah, I got a Bourdain in me. I think you got a little bit I think if you do the travel pod and you actually incorporate traveling into it great. Oh my god I think that would be one. Let me tell you I finally have those episodes are coming. Mark Norman have you peed yet? No Those episodes are coming Shane. I didn't know we were Let's go to Spain and do yours I would Go on overseas Too hard on the pod no, I do it when I'm out when I'm gone. Let's do one row Yeah, and I don't think you have to it doesn't have to be weekly

Do when you do it right now? I'm doing bi-weekly I think twice week and I think I get it could be whatever that's what it is I would I would love to go I would love to go to Spain you me fucking hang out and chat away from a trip kiss little little in El Norte where they're really down on it what's in that pitcher? This? Coffee, water? Yeah, give me some, give me some agua. I'm going whiskey and beer. By the way, you guys are only going beer. You're always the most sober dude.

I took mushrooms and you didn't? You took one block, it turns out it wasn't bad. I took two blocks and it didn't do anything. I knew it! I knew I should have taken two right away. You're a bad shaman. I mean, I'm just trying to warn you with those blocks. I feel the half a block. Hey.

But I'm doing whiskey. Next special. And shotgunning. April 26th in Washington, D.C. Let's go. Oh, special. Yeah. Even though I should not devote my time to a podcast, I am also doing a special.

I also happen to be a stand-up comic. We're both selling horribly in Tennessee 26 are you sure calm? And I got a new one, yeah, we both put one out I don't know I put one out in September this year October thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's hard or you got to write new shit yeah yeah we're we're working on it so come see us yeah now that uh Joe's gone we can promote so say hello on the road so I think I think a travel podcast is obviously it's a fucking great idea yeah Interview fucking Ian fight ants about going to fucking eerie, Pennsylvania It's not gonna be that it's all weird places, but I will go to Spain with you and do it there instead

I would love instead of a studio. Yeah, I'll fly you You know thinking when we're free over the summer. I'm thinking as soon as I get done with this hour Yeah, I can't wait. Yeah, I'm gonna take like a couple months. I think I'm gonna. It's my My real my real Chappelle Africa is I'm gonna go live in Spain for Spain. I love Spain, but I've never been it's You've never met a culture It doesn't really about anything to tell ya. Let's just drink it. It's small food talking No one gives a fuck. Really? Across the board. The term siesta. Banks are just like yeah, it's fucking noon

We're gonna all take a nap. A little siesta? Yeah, no the siesta is yeah. How long were you there for? A year? I was there, I was only there six months. Six months? Yeah. Wait, what was this? I was there for a year. It's coming in an episode of you be tripping I miss that Spain rules Get them get them. Oh doesn't like black guys I know I know he's shaped like a monkey, but it's still okay But it's still okay I'm shaped like a primate

You are very primate not a bad thing a primate like It's better than being a stork. I wish I was I wish I had more primate imagine getting stork fucked you do and until it goes sideways yeah yeah like you like that dude came up William Montgomery yeah came up to you like what was that oh I like fucking kill you Well, I actually did. Well, you put out a, what do you call it, a cold tank video and your dong was really poppin'. Thank you. I'll tell you what. I read it on the comments.

It was like... It wasn't like we lost in the cold. Yeah. It was before I got a pre-cold. I don't know if you ever saw it. First time we did the cold plunge, me and Matt, we had our podcast that week. I was like, bro, I did the cold plunge, me and Matt, we had our podcast that week, I was like, bro, I did the cold plunge with Joe. God damn. And then when you have to get in next and

he's standing next to you and his dong's just right like, you got a good dong, bro. Thank you. You have like an exceptional dong. You got a thick one, bro. I'm very happy. Big dong. And you can suck your own dick. I can. Which, where was that fear factor app? No, just That's a flexibility thing. No, it does require a huge dick. No, not just flexibility. If you're a one-incher Yeah, you can't suck your own dick. But girls can eat their pussies. What? No. I've seen it. No. You have a different algorithm than I do Wait a minute. This?

You see those girls that are allowed to breastfeed? Yeah. And pull their tits out because they have a fake baby? That's nice. This old fucking old, they found a hack in the system. I got into that one. They have a rubber baby, and they pull out these big juicy tits. And they stick them in the mouth of a rubber baby.

Yeah, they have giant milky boobs. The whiskey bottle. Whoa! All right. It's not good. It's gross. Nelly. Girls can eat their own pussy.

Is that Kim Kongdom? Wow, that looks like there's two pussy wow looks like two girls there I don't know what you said was getting I don't recommend any of this behavior wow it is possible it has been done I like this is what I'm talking about what someone brings up all the things like you're looking at all the things right you go is a giant difference you're pretty good and a plus second what Norman just said he licked your own dick. Half girls licking their own pussy. But there's a giant difference between a dick and a pussy.

Hold on a second. What? Norman just said he licked his own dick. I licked it but it took a lot of stretching and a lot of yoga and a lot of hours. You spit on it. You didn't lick it. No, I got to lick. No way. Yeah, exactly. Touch it to your tongue. But then I felt weird about it. As well you should. I watched a dude in a video that a friend sent me I really wish he hadn't but this guy was this guy was inverted and he was like pumping into his own mouth and Ejaculating and then he pumps into his own mouth again and ejaculates again again. He's a hero

If it was a woman the guy would be here. Oh, he's really filled with scum Tony Oh my God If it was a woman, the guy would be a hero. If he's really Phil, it's Cum Tony. Did you say that? Whoa! Cum Tony. Oh my god. I can't believe that came out of my mouth like that. He's the straightest gay guy that's ever existed. He's like at the cusp of being. He could cross over with any stiff wind.

I, I, I, yeah. Any stiff breeze, that fence blows off. And he's the land of gay. I don't he's a heterosexual But if in 35 years he comes out as gay we'd all be like, oh, I mean Tony does so well, he does well. It's Are so beautiful so hot? Tony has been killing it the moment. I met him even when he wasn't doing well right Tony Look, it's it's again. It's a fucking talent thing. Do you have the talent if you have talent you like Jeff Ross gets laid Yeah, he's no disrespect

No disrespect. I just laid to eyebrow ratio and comedy Tony mean means you Like two days ago. I was with Theo and we were talking about Tony And it's so funny we all do the same thing about Tony where we like we make fun of him like that show was What I just did was unbelievable We all make fun of him, and then we're all like for real though. I love Tony I love he's like the show's amazing. He's one of my favorite people but him personally like every time I see him I'm like nice. Hey, buddy

I see him. I'm like nice. Hey, buddy nice to see you Kill Tony he is the best host of any show that has ever existed. Yeah, that's my position good hose He's so good Tucker Carlson to kill Tony last night Tucker Carlson had no idea. What'd you say? How'd you set it up? How'd you set it up? I set it up Idea, what'd you say? How'd you set it up? How'd you set it up? I set it up Dinner with Tucker Carlson and Lex Friedman, and we're having steaks and having a good talk about women's rights We were a little bit. Anyway, Gbq and on we're talking about wild shit. He told me some wild shit that I can't wait to tell you. I can't wait to tell you some wild shit. Please tell me about the war in Ukraine. I'm gonna tell you some shit that you're gonna...

Dinner? Dinner? Dinner? Dinner? Some Putin shit? We have 20 minutes. Anyway, I like the guy. He's a fun guy. No, I'm saying, like, at when we're done here? Anyway, I'm hanging out with Tucker. We're talking about the club. He's like, I think it's amazing what you've done here. I go want to come to the club I go kill Tony's on tonight. I will kill Tony is the Foundation is the bedrock of stand-up comedy in the known universe just have any idea what you're talking about no idea no So I have to tell him he goes how much can comedians make doing comedy so so I say Kill Tony sold out Madison Square Garden two nights in a row twice in an hour Yeah in an hour. He goes what I go really I go, I'm gonna take you to Kill Tony right now. I'm gonna go, let's just go to the club. Do you have anything to do tonight? He's like,

no. I go, great. So I text Tony. I'm on my way with Tucker. I'm on my way with Tucker Carlson. Tony texts me back. During the show. Show's happening. It's already going on. By the way, at the beginning of the show, before anything, Ashley Judd sings. Winona. Winona. Winona. Wait, what? Ashley doesn't sing. Winona Judd. Winona Judd.

Wait, and Kil Tony? She sings? She sings. How do I fuck that up? What the fuck? I blame Bud Light for my poor man. Wait, Judd Nelson? No, Bud Light's the best. Bud Light's the best. One thing I love about Shane is he's not a sellout.

Well, that guy... No, it turns out Bud Light's nice. He's drinking responsibly nice to drink responsibly been drinking it all night. Well anyway, yeah, she Goes on stage and sings and the audience goes bananas. They don't even know she's coming they go ladies and gentlemen Ashley Jack 45 second round of applause right anyway, so in the middle of the show the show's already going on I text him I'm coming over with Tucker Carlson. Orton's on right now. He goes jump on stage. I go fuck yeah Wow so Tucker doesn't know this So I'm in the backstage right behind the curtain. I go. This is the crowd are you hear my thing goes This is amazing. I go we're gonna go on stage right now. He's like what I go I'm gonna bring you up and so Tony goes my two favorite people just drop by Joe Rogan and talk

We go to the car Everybody goes nuts. It was hilarious Wow Patterson goes my grandma hate you After it afterwards he was like I called him up a fucking word It was hilarious Wow Tucker Carlson has some zingers. Really? He has some zingers. To surprise him with it. It's not just like, I'm gonna bring you on stage to a comedy show. He had no idea. This is a very specific kind of thing. By the way, Tony, you can do lots of stuff. Don't just do Kill Tony. But you can do it, but like you just bring him into that environment.

What did you just say? What the fuck did you just say? You give an advice to Tony like I gave advice to you? Yes, I'm making fun of you I was like don't make fun of me I'm giving you good advice you fucking dumbass he likes the zin too the Tucker yeah he does interesting but to bring him into that environment no idea no idea no idea and so he just goes on stage the audience goes nuts he sits down down. He's like, this is incredible. Yeah. Yeah, this is what we do. Yeah. Damn. So it was fun. Did you have zingers? He had some zingers. Did Lucas come in? David Lucas? No, David's out of town, unfortunately. That would have been perfect. But William Montgomery

murdered. William Montgomery murdered. Damn. William Montgomery is another dude who's just coming into his own right now He's coming into his by the way. I saw I saw it day one Listen, I saw a day one. I remember you guys I remember we get the Vulcan He would go on he'd sit backstage you guys would be like man. You sucked. I pull him aside go, bro Well, that's not real. That's not real. I've known I've noticed. It's LA. I watched it Suck not suck, but like I said he's like I try to get me just knows this what the fuck was the head? No, all I tried to ever do which he did was ditch the notes. I

Will Montgomery used to go on stage with a notebook Tried to ever do which he did was ditch the notes ah yeah, that's it William Montgomery He used to go on stage with a notebook. I read off the notes. That's actually you can't do that I remember that you're so menacing going to keep reading the notes. It's so funny Right yeah right now. I think I think he's extremely funny. He's funny as fuck. I saw him at yeah kill Tony Houston I think and it was like if you just don't know what you're going into it's just like are you really mad? Yeah, who's a fan of his the black keys? So I have the black keys in the podcast like we fucking love William Montgomery I want you want to see him tonight, and they like fuck yeah

So they were coming to the club already by the way never been to see stand-up both Dan and not sure Dan or not sure Dan or no way Patrick 100% but never saw stand-up live Patrick 100% and he's the big stand-up fan they're both stand-up fans but I don't know if Dan had seen it before but Patrick 100% told me he had never seen live stand-up till he came to my club yeah never seen live stand-up only watched came to my club. What? I've never seen live stand-up. Why not? He only watched it on YouTube or on Netflix or whatever. So they could tell me they're a fan of William so I go William you're gonna go up tonight. I'm gonna have to go up second. Because you can't have William go up first because it's too weird. It's too weird. People don't know what the fuck is going on. It's like getting there first.

So he goes up second and murders all the greatest hits and they're dying. I was in the balcony with the black keys well they were dying watching William Montgomery and I set it up it was amazing it was amazing it was amazing so what's Tucker doing what does he think after the show that he like it? He was blown away we went to Mitzys yeah we hung out Mitzys yeah he doesn't drink right he doesn't drink but he's hanging out with a bunch of fucking drunks There was a lot of sweaty To get Tucker Carlson without realizing it's him he's fishing in Central Park Some guys like what are you doing here? What do you mean? He was very nice time an hour

He goes what are you doing? I'm allowed to fish this podcast is like six hours old it always is The best how many hours are we in Jamie? for We could just turn it off and keep going but we've been doing the same thing We're doing the same. Yeah, I'm gonna be doing the same thing in an hour. Yeah fucking green room Yeah, I felt like an hour. That's what I'm talking about, bitch. The guy's like, he's like, why are you filming? The guy's like, I'm allowed. He goes, I know you're allowed, sir.

I'm asking you why you're doing it. He was so nice. He was so nice. He goes, no, it's legal to fish here. The guy had no idea who he was filming. He just thought he was filming a random. But this was a long time ago. It was.

I thought it was like five years ago. No, I think this was like early 2000. Well, there's so many narratives. He's like, you're allowed to fish in any pond in New York, obviously. Everybody's so mean, everybody's bad. It's all narrative. It's all just like vibes and bullshit. He's not a bad guy, man.

He's not. I hung out with the dude. He's not a bad guy. I met him a couple of times. Tore up with the dead. He's just a guy. Went on the road with the dead, following him around. He was a grateful deadhead.

They got the bad idea about all these people. He's in the fucking belly of the beast and he recognizes Okay, 20 fly fishing in Central Park Evil he's a hippie well. He's a fly fisherman in Central Park Yeah, he lives in Maine and he hunts and fishes in Maine, and he lives in Florida sometimes. He's a good dude, man. How you doing, buddy? I'm telling you, he's just very odd. He's very odd. He's the most Canadian-American there is. Is he Canadian? No, but he's like, how you doing, sir? Right. Like, he's just got that vibe.

But he's from California. Yeah, he's from LA. He's a nice guy, man, I'm telling you. It's just like, he takes on controversial subjects and becomes a light lightning rod for hate if he told me he's never done mushrooms We all just yeah if he says I don't believe you he did a lot of coke man. He talks really that was his thing He's a lightning rod for what why is it why do they get a vibe on someone? I'm telling you man. He's a lightning rod for what why is it? Why do they get a vibe on someone? He goes to the title news. He was challenging them. He goes. We shouldn't be in war right Wow On Fox News not in his off time on Fox News, right? What are we doing in this fucking Stan? RFKs against war but the problem is that like we and everyone's like your Classify people as on our tribe or not on our tribe.

Good or bad. Are we in or we out? It's ideological. It's too dumb. And as people like us, people like you and me and you as well that used to be on the left, I would consider myself on the left most of my life until I was like in my late 40s and I was like what are you guys doing? This is crazy. Well they lost lost the plot the plot was supposed to be free speech open dialogue communication Acceptance of all people as long as they're not doing something fucked up. Yeah, the fucking destroy other people's lives I think it's just them the militant left is what we're against so everyone to the right, but we're like no no

That's why China for us suddenly That's what China won. They won they empowered that fucking radical excitable insane schizophrenic fucking SSRI addled left The left the left that was like the most bonkers of bonkers shame put your fucking headphones tick tock got in there Shane put your fucking headphones on. Tick-tock got in there. Tick-tock got in there and fucked us all up.

My headphones were on the whole time, you didn't get any. What do you think about this ban of Tick-tock? I love it. It's coming. I love it. It's coming. We need it. Get it out of our society.

You don't want it, Ari. It's garbage. Get it out of our society. And Instagram. And Twitter. And Facebook. Ban it all. Spoken like a true Jew.

Ban it all. Listen, this the ban. True Jew. Because IDF? Because they're exposing what's happening in Pasadena? to do IDF their exposing what's happening in pasta I'm so drunk I said to do to do to do to do To do I don't even Brothers

But now fire that up who's getting in that you can't ban anything Ari Stay off You can't do one before I do for sure Smoke John McAfee's meth. Yeah, okay Don't go on a tick-tock obviously thing obviously don't ban it But but not obviously you fuck but to ban it all you what you said Fascist anytime we get off the phone is better ban it all no You're a goddamn fascist anytime. We can get off the phone is better. Ben at all No, there's that people stay on the phone if they're so fucking dumb if they get killed by wolves They're the slowest motherfuckers at the end of the line Kill but there's walls

Tick-tock wolves and they're trying to make you trans and they know what the fuck And they're trying to make you trans And they know what the fuck they're doing They're on Chinese TikTok And over there, they're doing push-ups and kung fu And they're fucking people up Nah, we're gonna fuck them up bro You ever seen Chinese movies? I love Chinese movies

Chinese movies where they hire like hot shot American actors like B-level And they just have them get the fuck beat out of them Like Chinese super soldiers they're amazing yeah Frank Grill did a couple of those blurry porn no it's Japanese oh is that Japanese?

yeah Chinese does not blur in fact they don't blur? they break out the miners oh hey well bring it on just saying send me a link as long as they're wingers I don't have a

but for real what are they doing? when they're Uyghurs. I don't have a... But for real, what are they doing? When they're 17, it's like, you know, they wanted it. What are they doing with the Uyghurs? Making iPhones? Do you want an iPhone or not? No one cares about the Uyghurs. Shut the fuck up. No one gives a fuck about the Uyghurs. The Muslims are getting killed as slavery right now. You know you can't even buy a Fairphone in America? You can't. I got high the other day and I decided I'm gonna go full eco. You can't even do it. You can't buy a Fair phone in America. What's a fair phone? It's a phone that drink is like sustainably sourced

$9,000 no, it's not expensive If you if you're a couple of jobs, you can replace the battery. It's modular you can place. Let's do regular ones Are you good? Are you cocksucker? Thank you. We're talking about Fairphones Yeah, why can't you buy one? You can but you can only buy it if you live in another country Well, yeah, that's crazy right all these locals here. You can't buy a Fairphone I don't know what the deal is but in America you can't buy this phone called a Fairphone and the Fairphone is a phone It's like sustainably sourced like they get all their cobalt through ethical mining, allegedly. I don't know what's real. But you can pop off the back, remove the battery. You can take every single piece of it, it's

modular, it can be replaced. Yeah, why don't they have those? That's crazy. They have it in another country. But why? It should be readily available here for all the liberals who are like, Yeah, you're literally tweeting on a phone. That's made by slaves Most of the virtual signaling if you get to the so Darth Kara who wrote this book and he did a lot of Investigative journalism on the Congo talk about cobalt mining tiny Asian hands you get to the no Africans if you get to the end of the cobalt mining. It's fucking people pulling out minerals with rocks

Sticks and shit pulling shit out and they're getting toxic. Yeah, but Trump's mean sometimes Yeah, give me a beer Yeah, which one of you guys are gonna vote for Donald Trump which one of us isn't I don't know you guys I don't vote But I'm in dinner in whatever you guys decide as a country. I like the RFK. You're gonna vote for RFK? He seems fun. Over Trump?

I'm gonna vote for Donald Trump. Donald Duck is always. So if you had to vote for Trump or Biden, who are you voting for? Well, I voted for Biden last time. What? I did, yeah. Those?

That's so gay, dude. I was mad about the comedy stuff. That makes it worse. Wow, you don't think it's going to kick up again? What's that? You just bong another one? Yeah, Joe did it fast. You might be my king.

Give me one. Silently. I'll do that to honor. I didn't want to do this, but this is just to honor you. I didn't want any fanfare. I just want to do that for the love of the game. I did a bunch of them secretly for the love of the game. I did a bunch of them secretly. That's how I do it. That's how I do it. It's good to see it. I honor you with this. I'm all about the love of the game. Show the honor. Can I just say if you vote you're a fucking dork. Get out of the system.

You're a fucking dork. Voter dies. I like what you're saying. Band, TikTok, and no voting. Good call. There you go. I like Elizabeth Warren. Ramp up the Patriotot Act Ari. Let's make it even more hardcore Definitely start your travel podcast when you can't fucking travel anymore because you signed up for a ban on tik-tok Oh, you signed up for centralized digital currency. You took the vaccine. You did everything. Oh, great.

Great. Because I want more bananas. Go plant bananas, you fucking bitch. Take a good step, bananas. What? Plantains. Plantains? Plantains.

I need fried Cuban food. Jamie, wake up. Jamie, play the fucking thing. We're already banned We got Jamie just play it. Will you bong a couple? Can you do like an extra curricular? Offshore work there is there a cover of America fuck yeah, we can play America! America! Fuck yeah! Come and save the motherfucking day, yeah!

America! Fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way! And we're not getting licked on my balls! Dude, I can't believe people think we're dumb. Does this suck my ass? Well, listen, let's be real. They're right if you're right now doing a lot of string theory work on a yellow legal pad I was before this podcast. We're dumb You get on stage tonight, you're dumb

Yeah, yeah, if you try to get on stage after fucking Ari Shaffir You're dumb. You don't know what you're doing. You gotta follow the great- The same thing. Wait, we are gonna go on stage tonight. If you go on- We are doing Duncan Thurman. But you, but if you're a string theorist-

Oh, right. If you're a string theorist, things, everybody is fucking stupid because they don't understand your nonsense you write on a chalkboard with squiggly lines and N's and A's and fuck you. Who was that academic guy who said stand-ups easy because you have a captive audience and they're all drinking? A democrat said that? Like an academic God damn it I'm gonna find you Guarantee he was a democrat

No it was an academic who said stand up is easy It was one of those high level academic names you know Stand up is easy, it's a captive audience and you're all drinking So it's obviously easy And I want to bring you to the stand for three shows in a row Well how about bringing you to the mothership we go on after Shane? Yeah Fuck face good look fuck face gang Stupid if you don't know well one of those kind of guys they're all silly

Never say that dude Jamie. You gotta find this for me. Um Malcolm is a sweet guy. I've had my other podcast. I can kill him was a small room Malcolm would eat hot dog Shane if you want when I'm Bryan Simpson's got a new If you want when I'm Brian Simpson's got a new Live at the mothership available right now go on after Brian Simpson Malcolm Gladwell or stop talking shit. Oh Wait, that's him. I stand up as easy. Oh my cutting really makes it dude. I'm uncomfortable that I Remembered this I'm sure I'm sure he said this in jest in good faith. No, I think he's like But why don't know you're right. You're right. Maybe I'm a good

On the podcast. He's a good guy. Doesn't mean I was gonna stand up. It's dealing with people in a tightly controlled setting Jeffries. With a rich set of expectations governing their behavior. This one's making fun of us. Don't deal with alcohol, you know, and create an expectation that laughter is the appropriate response to what they're doing. I cannot imagine a better set of circumstances and easier set of circumstances for navigating a situation In 1989 Greg Fitzsimmons got attacked on stage at Stitch's comedy club in Boston in 89 This guy jumps on stage at Stitch's Comedy Club in Boston. In 89. In 89. This guy jumps on stage, Fitzsimmons and him get into a fucking Donnybrook,

they're fucking brawling in the middle of this comedy club in 1989 in Boston. The security guards jump on stage, they tackle this guy, Fitzsimmons' guy are fucking duking it out. Fitzsimmons, the guy goes into the audience, they arrest him, they take him out of there. Fitzsimmons goes, anybody else want some of this?

Fuck it. Right away, he's got a fucking bloody lip and he finishes his set. Respect! Respect. Imagine being an audience member and going, here's some short, pale guy, I could take him and you're like, you chose Greg Fitzsimmons? You idiot. He chose the nastiest. All he does is fight. Some short pale guy I could take him and you're like you chose Greg Fitzsimmons People that get him in trouble socially he's an Irish guy He's an Irish I've been friends with Greg and I started out one week apart from each other Wow great egg

He's awesome, but I mean this is like 89. This is like before Greg was Greg Yeah, before was Emmy Award winner all that bullshit. Well that makes you softer. Yeah, but he's like it's still the same dude He still goes hard. Oh, yeah, he still goes hard. He still goes hard I try to get him to move here Is a golf course right next to him shit They aren't filled with liberals give one to mark marks marks over there Still the same one you got you got you go this hair You know what he takes like that must whiskey and pours water mark They don't know I water it, but you guys haven't had any whiskey hold on can I say this I have a lot

I'm mark. I've got the bottle right here. Joe three three different Anywhere today, I'll go on the end. Oh fucking imbeciles. I'm gonna say this We've done this Mushroom I'm here just for a flex Joe give me one second Just a man I will let Adam Carolla keep the number one podcast in the world on get his book of work Joe was doing his own festival three days in a row Let me get one time out okay Jihad shut up Is the 11th the 11th one 14th so far we've all died

Yeah, the one person who is always never died. What do you mean, died? Mark. You. No, listen, we gotta keep him right where he is. Joe died. He knows what he's doing. We've all died. We all need our certain place. But listen, we need our certain place in the world.

Leave him alone. You're the one who doesn't die. I don't have those quips inside of me. Let him be functional. He puked on the table. Leave him alone. You're the one who doesn't die. I don't have those quips inside of me. It's too late for now. He puked on the table. I disagree. Leave him alone. I disagree. I think it's too late for this one, but Mark, you gotta catch up, bro. You gotta catch up. You gotta catch up. Every time you go, you gotta catch up. He goes, I was drinking whiskey. You had two sips cowered.

That's my fourth and fifth cup. And we are not even picking him out of the trough. And I'm doing the bongs. We're all dying the ones who are picking him out of the trunk. We're all dying. And I took shroom. Listen to me. I took W. Listen to me.

We are approaching five hours into a podcast that can change the election. Trump, Trump, Trump. I think, I think, McGovern, I think we need to, we need to respect our position in this cultural world. I don't respect it. Mark's got a catch up. I hate you. You do. You do and that's why I respect you.

Call it strong for next time. What do you want from me? I never turned down a bong. Give him a bong. This is what I want from you. Bring on the bong. This is what I want from you, Mark. That's nothing. Hari Shafir two three four five six seven eight nine mine

Refuse also a minute Shane only has two something is a mess Stealing his empties you fucking idiot I don't want it. Ohhhh you son of a bitch! Oh shit. Obviously Shane drinks more than me. I'm drinking responsibly. Drink or dig a cup. America! America! Fuck yeah!

Coming again is the motherfucking day! Yeah America! Fuck yeah! They stole my things,, took all my balls Obesity Chug it, chug it AHHHHH! Jamie's back! We're back! Jamie don't be afraid

Jamie have a YouTube version, I know it's more work But it's 20 extra minutes, AI will do it for you Alright guys Now it's time to talk turkey Talk about the economy I got a contract now. It's time to talk turkey Smashing grab is out of control Yeah, you watch you watch the say? Any of you guys watch it? I watched it. It was nutty. I jerked off to it.

I watched it with my dick in my hand. I was doing body weight squats. It was kind of sad to watch. Well they hit Biden with some good chemicals. The whole gang was on the same page. Can you imagine? You get on that Biden cocktail. I'd love to get that cocktail.

It's gotta be better than the Kennedy cocktail. Oh yeah. The Biden cocktail's gotta be like days from death cocktail. Well you know what's gotta be tough is uh. It's like can I just have one less joke per day? Aw man dude. Man it buddy. Man it. You can't Man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude.

Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude.

Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude your balls, and you just tight-fucked it. You just got the fucking... You risk blacking out.

Pulled up like a bull. You're like pulling on it. Well, remember those nights you couldn't wind it up? Bro, the day they figured out Viagra was like the day they figured out the internet. Like, everything has changed! Everything's changed. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha changed everything. In the 80s? In the party. Why are you preaching? I'm gonna squeeze that goddamn whiskey bottle you fucking savage. Okay Joe, I accept your fucking critique. Squeeze that dick off like a fucking... You're being fair?

Squeeze that dick off like a garden hose in the 70s. You're gonna fill that bottle up aren't ya? I would have if I started it from scratch. Joe you're being fair and I apologize. I should have just pissed in the bottle. I wish you did it in the hallway but it's okay. Well that was the original Like one more Do we ever show you fucking barfing like a fucking baby? I have the video. How's babies barf?

I Think expert bar for like a baby has babies What how much you think it would cost to do Bro get someone to drink a fucking whiskey bottle filled with your piss a bottle not a whiskey shot Battle so that dude from opium anything Baby good the dude big day no no no no no no Pat Duffy Pat the baby bird no Pat Duffy Pat from Munaki the guy who threw that's all piss imagine that's not how much money would you have dick into? Your patreon account dude Well, you got a hand to our you're old and you're hanging in there

You really you could have retired by now. I'm ten years older than him It's just going well train dollars like you work out currently regularly he's a bet his life is hell he's all day for a week

but Ari's capable of firing up me and him went out to the bar last night when we had that sober October fitness challenge he was the only guy I worried about really? really? cause he's a psycho also I will do the thing where I like guys guys, let's not let's not try this not try Yeah, I try till they discover You know what I almost did you know I almost did but I had inquiries out get Michelle wolf to wear my strap for a fucking

Everywhere and Michelle to regret it was like a hundred percent. I'll be quiet forever for that But when you said that I was like Michelle's gonna die No, she takes Michelle to hell. Oh wow that's how deep you go. I'm a shit take everybody to hell Michelle rules Wait, there was no run. There's no doubt. I was gonna take you all to hell Yeah, it's just that one fucking hunting trip where you worked out for fucking 18 hours a day for four straight days. No, it was the one day that I watched John Wick

50 times in a row. And I literally did seven hours of cardio on an elliptical and set off my fire alarm. Can I just say- I set off my fire alarm with my body steam. It's crazy. Can I say what a motivator's spite is that no one's taking advantage of

Spite as a motivator to hurt your friends to work out to me through whatever is so there It wasn't even that yeah, I was you wanted to be Bert. No you think it that was what works I thought it was like I was feeding that Is athletic if you like at like division three fucking. Yeah, he's athletic. Wow, gauntlet throne. I was like letting the wolf out of the cage. Now what does the wife think?

She didn't like it. She wasn't going to say. She didn't like it. She didn't want me to do it next year. I met Rogan's boyfriend. He's not happy when Rogan gets in the. He's not happy when he gets in the cage It's not what I get in the cage. So I unlock it. Wow. That was the problem You're like the Hulk I'm always this the problem is I was like, oh, I forgot this was in there

Right and then like we're doing that fitness thing. I was like, I'm gonna kill cuz everyone would think it'd be GSP you unlocks it. Let's kickbox together. It's not. It's the fucking fattest piece of shit alcoholic who fucking gets you the fucking wildest. Well, he was just saying he was gonna win. I'm like, I'm gonna kill you. Yeah, that's the whole thing. You're gonna die. You're gonna die.

I'm gonna drag you to where I'm about to die and you're not gonna live. I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna get, let's see what you can do. If you can get close, I'm gonna go further. I'm like, I let's see what you can do if you can get close. I'm gonna go further I'm like I'm leaving a little out here freak electrolyze all Nothing, but rib eyes it was We need to protect our parks challenge. We just drink we just like don't care

Way healthier way I don't like that part of me Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it, of me. Yeah, really? Yeah, I don't like it I don't like it, but I love I cannot lose. It's not a competitive thing. It's it's murderous It's way different than competitive interest. So he chose IDF. It goes way further. Yeah, it's basically like bombing Gaza Which was like I was saying to a friend of mine today I was like what Israel is doing in Gaza is like what a fifth grader would do if he said if you were the president The world how to stop all wars so we fuck me fuck you

Hospitals yeah Yeah, why are they why are they I don't I don't give a fuck I don't listen That's why I don't think you I don't care listen that's that's why there's That's why I say my size America. Well. I'm not over there That's the reason why this human being still in 2024 is because somewhere along the line someone decided that the only way to do this is to go full Bhagavad Gita the full I am become death destroyer of worlds Nuclear bombs that's what fucking Oppenheimer said I will drop nuclear bombs

I will show you I'll never stop capable of Looking Palestine rape those Thai nationals who are the music festival Thai nationals, By the way. Yeah, that rules. They're just out at a festival, having a good time. Obviously, obviously, obviously. Good job, Palestine.

What about the Jews? Way to rape Thai nationals. Good man. What about the Jews? Ari literally does hate Jews. For just one second, you go, hey, maybe we shouldn't have raped those Thai nationals. Maybe that was an oopsie.

Did that happen? There's other people at the festival. Did you see the Thai ladyboys? Four Thai nationals got raped and murdered. At a 1200. No, no, I'm just saying, wouldn't that an oopsie? Penalty time? Hey everybody on that side, couldn't you be like,

that was wrong. For one moment go yeah We shouldn't have raised and murdered those Thai national brother. I think they admit that that was I know Candice Owens Is making a video about you show me anywhere? Oh? Show me anywhere. They've said that I think those sides are fucking retarded stop killing in the story the other Thai Versus the trans women are going obvious right hold on what he just said said again stop killing end it. That's it. Obvious, right? Hold on. What he just said. Say it again. Stop killing. End of story. That's it. Okay.

What about the hostages? What about them? What about them? What about them? Hey guys, I'm having a great day in Austin. I'm getting paid way too much to do a comedy club tonight when I'm too drunk to perform. Everything's pretty good in my world. Allegedly. You're gonna be fine.

Yeah. You're doing comedy. America! America's obviously still number one. Did you see the Thai ladyboys are fighting with the trans people? Why? Because they're like, hey, you're still on our thunder. I did a bit in my special about ladyboys, being like, that's transphobic.

I'm like, they're different than you. Oh, they're fighting. Yeah. They're going at it. It's a news story. Really? Pull it up. Ladyboys. Different it. It's a the news story really pull it up lady boys Damn, I'm out of Gorgia. Thank you. Give it a go. It's a real problem Jmo also cheer up dude. You know cocksucker this cheer up for Brian Simpson his new Netflix special available right now Live at the mothership on Netflix look great look great called again comedies great

That's the one or at Adam on my butt he was a Simpsons just put in bri a there it is huge transsexual prostitute brawl this is a Brian Simpson trailer hundred strong ladyboy mob Fighting in Bangkok turf war dude. They'll go nuts on you Gonna have keep going keep going with escorts Well the ladyboys are fighting with the trans people because that was their thing Trying to take a good look at these new trans prostitutes and Philippines and From the Philippines and Thai ladyboys brawled in Bangkok. What are Philippines doing on a fucking opposite side first of all they shouldn't be there. Where is the live?

Oh, yeah, now you understand Gaza Clambering over what to tear off rivals clothes and throw punches well Jordan age of like ooh there Jews you deal with them The player is very bad. It's an Android phone. Look at that guy. He's just laughing. He's like, look at this ladyboy. He's not laughing, he's just Asian. You can only see his eyes.

He loves it. Oh shit. Bro, this is wild. Meanwhile, there's three people still wearing masks. Yep. Look at those mask wearers. Well, we all knew that the trans community was gonna butt up against the ladyboy community. Yep. Yep. Sorry buddy. Look at those little mask-wearers. Well we all knew that the trans community was gonna

butt up against the ladyboy community. Yep. Yep. It's a different thing. It's a different thing. Ladyboys and trans are not the same thing. They're similar. Unfortunately when I was in Thailand, I was with my whole family.

Oh. I would have paid a visit to those boys and I would have given them the business. I could look, watch a little kickboxing, keep moving and fish eat eating your fucking cows is off your feet Jay Joe's word you got a episode of you be tripping and I'll tell you about stuff in Thailand that you should have done if you had left your family how about we just do it Ari Shafir sees the

world 100% trust me. I got good instincts. Joe has, if you were going to trust anyone when it comes to maybe a podcast being successful, Joe Rogan's a decent one. Joe, what if they run podcasts, you've done this. I've got good instincts. R.H. Fier gave me, by the way, the worst advice I've ever had in the history. Other than my wife

One time my wife like my kids were going to Disneyland my wife is like you don't have to do a podcast I'm like, but I do I have to thank God you didn't listen to me. Yeah, I was like I have to I told people I was gonna do it but Ari was like you got it God's like our I was like wow, no one's gonna listen, no one's gonna listen, it makes no sense, who would listen more than an hour? Joe, you're retarded, who would listen more than an hour? It's stupid. I am what's wrong. But this is what I said, I said so they don't have to listen. The most important thing is just do whatever the fuck you want to do. Joe, I had not considered that. And now the people listening to this show have made it this far. Yeah.

Now they've been to the new stratosphere of us being... I'm trying to tell you. Ari Shaffir sees the world. Ari Shaffir's... I'm into it. What is this drummer? It's a cover. Jamie just consulted with a lawyer. Jamie, you just ruined our show.

No, I like this guy. It's a cover a cover it doesn't matter it's so good this guy's mustache rules hey Shane how come how come McCaffrey wouldn't do your fucking fucking thing no how can we bitch out about it cuz you're lighter when he didn't want the world he wanted to bowl anyway what happened don't ever talk about McCaffrey this fucking McCaffrey guy bitched out one dude No, what everyone else did it? But one guy who can't see didn't do it McCaffrey got too fired up to fire it up when he was scoring touchdown He was genuinely he wasn't thinking about anything. That's fair. I accept that he got too fired up. I accept that I accept that

She'll be other bro. Yeah when they scored I accept that I accept that show the other bro. Yeah when they scored not fired up They're fired up, but it's still remembered McCaffrey's just a white running back, dude. That's a different That's a different running back and you score any touchdown ever in the NFL. You're like That was why well, but he's good. This guy's good McCaffrey McCaffrey's on another level I don't know what's going on you got Joe imagine a football player version of someone hidden like eight rails and in pocketing I mean he's in that Christian McCaffrey is a white NFL running back beast. He sure is the prayer. He's a white White guys are incapable of playing

problem guys like Christian McCaffrey are GM's and He's here the problem running back. Yeah, what's the problem? He's the guy's like Christian McAfee are GM's And he's here the problem running back. Yeah, what does that mean? The problem is general manager the initial thing that the problem is is normally if I'm friends with the guy in the NFL like superstar sexual icon like Gabriel Davis When he scores a touchdown hold on this, this is Shane on MSSP.

Buffalo Bills. Is that the one? No, hit Gabe versus Miami. No, you gotta give him the Shane thing. Shane's been promoting this special needs kid. I was at that one, that was the one he gave me his jersey. I looked like a retarded guy in the crowd. So Shane's promoting this kid. kid right there back up this kid. Oh, yeah, who's this kid? I just keep sending Gabe that celebration My Gabe just hit is a weird fat Irish kid That's a hot kid and then the NFL the number one to two sports in the world Gabriel hit it hit in the world What's number one UFC and then this no no no no?

football Or three I would say Pretty high five Viewership top 20 top 10 no matter what sports in the world crickets like a billion can't talk soccer's up there Yeah, soccer soccer number one one foot. You have seen no no no it's top ten no matter what it's cricket because of Indian people Very popular and then they drop loads they drop loads Soccer and cricket soccer's number one. What's number one soccer soccer?

Number one by far. I don't know cuz China and India don't play soccer soccer does play China They just don't make the World Cup They do and they pour out and they watch World Cup all day and all night at the fucking bars China number one would go to China you nasty communist. I love it still available as long as you're not dissident head over to China What about the wiggers? What are you what I'm going Dom Lennon Dom Lennon see the wiggers by the way? Now that we're drinking a little yeah a little Elon Musk fucking dominated Also, you didn't have a contract sign yet

Contracts on a Supertruck too. Yeah, I was gonna give him a truck. You know I give money you guys don't understand He doesn't really care also What he wants Elon said was so apt he said Don lemon was doing CNN off CNN. Yeah, you don't have to do that You're on the internet have a fucking conversation with a dude. Don't just berate him with questions. Yeah. Allow him to express himself. Let's talk. And I'm like, gotcha. Have you thought about the difference between free speech and hate speech and like where is the line? Like do you think about the line?

Do you think it's like more important that people decide what the line is? Right? Yeah, and he's like saying that people decide what the line is? Right? Yeah, and he's like saying that to him, and Don Lemon's like, oh, I just thought I was gonna getcha. But Don Lemon never asked it that way. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. It's hilarious, because Don Lemon is talking about like,

oh, it's been so hard for me, and Elon said, you're extremely successful. He's like, yeah, but that was, you know, accidentally against all odds. Like, no, it's not against all odds. It's because of the current climate. That's why you were successful. You're not good at what you do.

I don't drink. Become great. Become great, Mark. Become the, yeah, exactly. And what did he say? He goes, I can't, I don't know. I was in become great Put on your wooden beads God's You

That's just guys having fun People hate it people hate to see it. Who are these people? What kind of loser? What do they love? Who are these people and what do they? And what do they love? Who are these people? And what do they love? And what do they care about? And what do they care about? Finish that dude, you didn't even finish it. Mark, you're breaking my heart. Mark, finish that thing.

Finish that thing. I couldn't find you. I got my... Didgeridoo. Finish that, finish that. Didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo, didgeridoo sound, didgeridoo, didgeridoo sound yesterday. Oh my God. You break it, Mark, sometimes you break my heart and it makes me so dang gum sad. Hey, I don't want to break the food down.

This is the last beer. No way. Thank God. I told you we needed more. Another to bring this is the last beer. No way. Thank God. I told you we needed more another case For sure have more cases. Hey, can I say something? I just a memory of Scraping together fucking three dollars each to get a case of beer and I'm right drinking it back in the day Back in the high school. I got a dollar 20. That'll do. Let's go You didn't know whether or not you were going to be able to get drunk. You didn't understand what the world was. You didn't understand what all these expectations meant and all these people that were telling

you what to do and what not to do. They were wrong. Not only were they wrong, they were trying to impart their control on you to try to justify their own existence. Man, you remember how fun it was to get drunk when you were a kid? I don't know if we're allowed to say that on here, but... I remember puking in a cab when I was 15. It's one of my favorite moments. Me and my boys, we would go to Ocean City, Maryland every year. Oh! Maryland!

Let's go! I'd love to talk about this, but I gotta pee. OC! Grab a case while you're out there. And a couple of Ruskies, will ya? That's a case, bro. OC, bro. Nobody understands the Delmarva connection.

I love it. The Philly Delmarva connection. Ocean City, Maryland. A 24 pack of Natty ice with $11 Ocean City at the boardwalk we used to sit on a tree trunk and drink them. It's the best It's the best young getting fucking hammered. There's nothing better now I don't I don't want anybody under the age of 21 to drink don't but just know that we drink under 21 when I You guys shouldn't do it when we did it it ruled I did not do it

I waited until I was 21 to enjoy Bud Light responsibly and I've always enjoyed it But I'll tell you what if I had a daydream if I imagined what it would be like if I was 15 and Shotgun beers Hobbit do we screwy you go to her over to screwy Beach, Delaware God gave us these beaches God gave us these God us these. What's the pizza place down there? Grottoes Oh shit

Oh shit Fresh slice of grottoes I got molested at grottoes Oh you go say hey what's the plan tonight? Momma seed love jump? Dude I saw, you know what I saw there? What? Scorpion know what I saw there Scorpion King I saw that movie with the rock Me and Jared Dupes, you know shout out Jared Dupes

Grottoes pizza fucking damn dude, but I was in City, Maryland. Oh Grottoes I've been to that literally that one. I got fucked in the ass of that bar dude nobody reps the Maryland flag Maryland flag might be the tightest Pennsylvania er United States flag and nobody rocks it full hat all Maryland I think is I want to see all Maryland that got you here do this Do that one away for me? Why are you coward dude? You'll die. That's why no one will remember your name I got the hiccups Fuck yeah, we're saving the day motherfucking me. Yeah that dog should be taken away

Sbca get in here Rogues is Get in here. Rogues is good, dude. Same Rogues. Same Rogues. Made it 12, we can all perform in. Now we're drinking a little. A little.

I'm gonna tell you this. Wait, wait, what happened to the beer jug? You might be the best, dude. You are the best, dude. Aw, don't fucking, don't make me regret it. Don't make, yeah. Nobody supports stand-up like Rogues. I don't know.

Of all the people... Paulie Shore doors pretty good who who Bully sure sure Nobody supports all stand-ups like Rogan Rogan's you think you're the goddamn bro Who saw that coming who saw that comment some fucking? workout guy supporting stand up more than anybody in the world. Nobody does. Yeah, yeah. Making him normalize, having open mic'ers on, having going, hey, sorry Oliver Stone,

can't have you on tonight. I got an open mic'er on, I gotta push. I got a Jewish freak who fucks his dog, I gotta bring him on. Why did you do this dog this way? Let that dog go. He doesn't fuck his dog. He just loves it I love it. Yeah, but he loves it too much for a man. Yeah, let it run. Royal let it go She's been running wild she's fine. All right that tail was left on a different

She's like that curled up tails sign of anger put the dog down, bro Yeah, go hey. Hey, don't get the fucking Shane Gillis from SNL doesn't want me to love you shame go lame Lauren Michaels for my lack of affection right now sorry how was Lauren on the SNL night it was a beast it was he was he cool that was he like we made it he was awesome me and Sal went it was a fun fun night I know and Becky yeah it was so cool it was a fun fun night. I know and Becky It was so cool. It was so fun. Literally I called Every favor I had to get into the showroom. I was trying to come on me and Sal volcano

Volcano came up empty What do you mean called in every favor? He called? Colin Joe's I can't do it literally every comic comic's been asked. Yeah, because every New York comic was like, I want to be there. Kyle was there. Christine was there. I got mine. You got yours in.

I said, hey, I'm going to call your manager. He goes, yeah, yeah, just follow up, make sure. I'm like, hey, idiot. I'm obviously coming to this. She's like, can't help you. I said to Becky, I said, make sure Ari's in there. There you go. She failed. You weren't in there, you dumbassass in the showroom watching a fucking on a telecast in a green room with a bunch of fucking dorks

Shane you made me be a dork how dare you be nasty like this Joseph. Where are you going? He's going to get my beers. He's going to get my beer the shit Anyway, you being there. It's a rule. I want you to know it meant literally nothing to me. I was so pissed you were there No Was there right no de rosa? Make it he came to the after party. I told Shane like hey get the rosary and she just goes He's taking pictures on the outside of the other part. He goes Let the Rosa

taking pictures on the outside of the other part he goes let the Rosa in what do you want me to do? I don't know. There's paparazzi. I was like ehhh. Dude it ruled so far so hard we got a picture of us my niece was pumped that uh Sal was there my niece was my niece got there was like she loves practical jokers. What was the date? February 24th. Hey, dude, it was fun. I was the fact that we're happy to be there too. Welcome Welcome to the party for once, bro. Wow a whiskey. You had fucking two whiskeys. Shut up, dude We rated we read it 21 savages dressing room seven decks of cards so many peanut butter and jelly sandwiches No one's here self-piss it no one deserves more credit than 21 That's the bro. What was so impressive about him? That's a sick picture. That's a sick 21 Hey me Shane me Shane and Sal in front of it and Shane just

Was wrong to not do it. To not just fucking dick punch him. No, 21 was like, you know, he's 21. The whole time he's like, yeah, what's up man, how you doing? He's like, hey, but my niece really wanted a picture with 21 and he was already leaving. He was out of the room. And I was like, could 21 come back and take a picture with 21 and he was already like leaving he was out of the room And I was like could could 21 come back take a picture with my niece and he was he said yes That's crazy. That's cool. Yeah, he came back in it is wild here's Sal who's pissing in 21 in 21's dressing room Another five hours We can keep going it's only seven Yeah, that's fun. Let's have a few more. Oh, there you go.

Guys, another five hours. We can keep going. It's only seven. Show starts right now. Ah, I got the fucking hiccups. Do you have a show right now? Allegedly. How does it feel to be a club owner? It's interesting.

Yeah. Some goods and some bad. Pros and cons How do you feel about that That's terrible dude Pro is you got a secret weapon you can do an hour every night, but cons you got gotta deal with the bullshit. Are you legally allowed to drink alone star on camera? No.

Everything you need. You're not legally? For real? No. Bud Light, let it go. We're good. That's all I had left. Bud Light's a better beer.

Everything on Earth comes with pros and cons. Bud Light doesn't do that. Why'd you dump all these? Shut up, dude. Everything that exists comes with pros and cons. Yeah. The pros outweigh the cons. Open a comedy club, if you have the money, do it.

If you can do it, if you're me, do it. That's how I feel. If anybody's gonna do it, I gotta do it. You gotta do it. It's like the obligation. You get put in this weird spot where you have like resources that most people never have. You have to do it if you care If you really want to fuck if you really give a fuck about what you're talking about. It is great It's phones locked up

Everything's great. The fucking setup is great. The way it was established is great The fact that stress-free relatively is great the fact that comics have embraced it Shane's moved here YouTube You two bitches. Brought all the dogs down. Brought all the Philadelphia dogs down. Nate. Gar dog. Road dog. LaMare. Pope. You guys fucking need to move here. O'Connor. Pope. Why are you playing around with these other places? We should get a condo. We should get a condo. Just fucking live here. Just fucking live here.

You don't want to... Mark, let's share it too, Betty. I'm down with that. Mark,'s share too many fucking don't wait Don't place your way to a spot Wait till wait till the housing crisis happens here in Austin Let that collapse it's already happened Wait till McKeever gets down here. All the bros are down here. Everyone's down here already the cusker the fucking The group we have right now is insane But from kill Tony to all the people that came from kill it is cool when you go like hey

I'm here the weekend like oh who can feature Mike well everybody Oh McCusker everybody from Philly Rogan, I mean, it's a Gura Shane whoever yeah all of them. It's like hey, come down and fuck it open for me Oscar, Pizziski, Rogan, I mean, uh, Segura, uh, Shane, whoever. Yeah. Dunk, it was like, hey, come down and fucking open for me. Everybody. Everybody. It's, it's what we wanted.

We're only a year in, man. We're only a year, one year in. No, no, no, no, no. Norman, one more. Yeah, man, I'm still, uh, I'm still burping. For real though, congratulations. I'm still burping. One year, one year doing fucking stand-up comedy the right way hold your fucking great job Not just fucking funny fucking funny fucking telling everybody what the line is yeah, it's not just holding the line

It's like hey, I gotta say this pain people the right way. This is one thing. I'm proud of what it's a small room I did the first Set ever yeah in the little boy you said yes, you did really 100% He opened up for Chappelle. I'll tell you what boy. Oh boy. Did I bomb? Not true That's humble Shane talking shit, then Joe introduced it Joe Joe was on the mic like hey everybody Like he introduced the show I got on stage Everybody in the show was just

Chappelle's they was just no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no All this is in that Norman This is in that Norman No one knew what the show was gonna be yeah, I said special intimate show 1130 p.m. In the little room sells out immediately all right Shane Gillis goes on stage does 15 minutes They have no idea Dave's going up. He killed's so full of shit killed what was that the first guy ever ever on stage Professionally in that room shame okay second guy. I'm on ship out you went on my bottom on I brought him on Just to say hi from the DJ

Wow no no he's right that's right Joe just stop Joe That's his wow no no he's right that's right Joe just stopped Attack What the fuck dude? Internet attack! Internet destroy him He yelled free Palestine in the hallway Did you guys hear that? No, but I support it Free Palestine Oop, oop the free

It's hard to Free Palestine It's hard to analyze any Shane Gillis story cause his rise is so fucking quick that you like a three months later You're like it was a different time He was slightly worse that he was slightly lower than he is now No, no, but that one that one was I would do that today. No problem. That was what first show at the oh, yeah It's amazing. That was an honor and then Chappelle goes on stage after they have no idea Chappelle's going up. Wow Amazing that was an honor and then chapelle goes on stage after they have no idea chapelle's going up Wow Wow Wow

So I just say all I said on Twitter intimate show. That's it So Shane goes up and then chapelle goes up and it's insane. Well, it's insane What a show you gotta see it from my perspective Joe is on the mic introducing me on the DJ Mike, which is crazy Just having Joe Rogan be like hey everybody coming up First ever show in the small room little boy at the comedy mother show What's up? What's up? You guys ready do this all right yeah, yeah ladies and gentlemen one of our favorite comedians Some guy you haven't heard of

Go holy fuck my bad. I just fuck this is one year ago. That's how much your world has changed It's it's so crazy the rise is so non-stop that you can't analyze it any story that happens a week after it happens It's like it doesn't mean the same thing So you've gone off so fast fast do that I would do that tonight What the mother little that show oh yeah, you might have to? We're about to go We here's the one thing what Norman never gets wrecked on this he's wrecked He's wrecked for Norman I know all three of us have been

destroyed on protect our parks but he knows he's got to come with the quips You can only go. Wait, what were you destroyed? He's never destroyed. What was I destroyed? Yeah. I have fucking right now. Listen, listen, listen. I legitimately want to know. No, you've been more. I love you. What were you destroyed though? Not when you drank more.

When you've been destroyed. He doesn't get destroyed. He's been destroyed. I've been destroyed. 706. I'm puked after. We gotta end this. You have?

We have to end this. Norman bong one and then we'll end. I yacked. Norman bonged you? It did? Yeah. Oh well, the best way to fix that is a fucking freedom bong. Norman Norman gong one and then we're in Norman Fix that is a fucking freedom bong bong that and we'll end it Damn he's gonna pee don't be a communist Norman don't be a weager Don't get his dick on camera

Weger Don't get his dick on camera Normans got self-protection instincts. What about the whiskey? Shut up. I like how he's like like it distorts things. What do I miss? What I miss marks bong that one's pulling his dick out, he's filling whiskey bottles. That's a full bottle full of piss. And he's not even halfway done. Alright before we end it, Norman, please bong that. Alright well, we should have a... A seance. No, we all support you. A party, uh, some words of wisdom. Thank you, Joe. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.

Something. Gentlemen, gentlemen. We are retarded. Far as bombadunudunudun. We are here. We are here for comedy. Yup. We are here for comedy.

We hold the line. Yup. We hold the line. This is the fucking- We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line right here. Hey, hey.

Listen, Scotland. All that free speech shit. Listen, Scotland. We hold the line. Yeah hold the line. We hold the line right here. All that free speech shit. This is Scotland. We hold the line. Come on Scotland step up like the JRE. I'm learning. No no no. Under under under.

He's going with Scott. We hold the line Scotland. Scotland. Scotland. We hold the line. Under underneath that. Teach me. We hold the line.

We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. We hold the line. I Need that We hold the line

Good luck On that beer ah Where we were the truth, so good he's the first of us to throw up Today today this is the first time you ever be done with Shout out to lone star as Shane lone star haha America America America oh my god

chug that boy do it for the troops do it for the troops do you ever hate the troops? Norman bro did you just take asthma medication? yeah 3,2,1 Bro, I'm gonna add some medication. Yeah

Three two one fuck yeah You better go all the way bro. You quit now go go go go go you gotta finish it It's such slow swallows ladies and gentlemen protect our parks 11 that was definitely a good one It might be 80. Yeah, what time is relative? Oh Man, we started this at 230. What's in the book 150? Holy shit? The show's already started. Oh, all right, let's go on stage right Already started Good night America the rest of the world that wished they were America good night You can be us