The Joe Rogan Experience - #2124 - Dave Attell & Ian Fidance

Episode Date: March 23, 2024

Dave Attell is a stand-up comic, actor, and writer. Look for his new Netflix special "Hot Cross Buns" on March 26. www.daveattell.com Ian FIdance is a stand-up comic, actor, and writer. Check out his podcast "Bein' Ian with Jordan" on Spotify. www.ianfidance.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Joe Rogan Experience. Trained by Dave, Joe Rogan podcasts by night, all day. Gentlemen, who is Ian? Hey. Joe, thanks for having us. Dave. Thank you so much. My pleasure, my pleasure.

Thanks for coming to town. Everybody's very excited. I'm excited, dude. Playing the club, how to bring in Ian, super fan of the show. Thanks, Ian. I'm a fan of you, dude. You're a funny motherfucker. Thank you, bro.

It means a lot. Appreciate it. My pleasure. I'm excited to be at the club, man. It's the fucking best. Yeah, I'm excited to have you guys. Everybody's been pumped. We're pumped.

It's a stroke fest. But you know what, Joe? I'm in town for the club to hang with you and also to promote a special. What do you think? Only I bring one out every other election year. I know I don't have the turnaround you have man. You're good It's okay. It's when you put them out there fucking magic skanks for the members is still one of my all-time favorite comedy Oh, it's a fucking class

It's weird when you I'm sure you have this where a fan comes up to you and they repeat one of your most horrific jokes, you know, like, hey man, those titties ain't, I'm like, whoa! Say it in a corner. Not here. You know what happens to me sometimes, people bring up bits that I totally forgot. Oh, true. I'm like, oh my God, how does that go? I have to ask them, how does it go? Oh yeah, what was it on? Yup, that's what it is, man. It's all a blur, but we're old. Yeah, David. We're old now I am very I was my mom's been in the hospital, right? I went in there and people thought I was the patient I was sitting in the room with her and they kept coming over to me. I'm like Her I wish it was a joke

I've known you for at least 30 years. For sure. Well, it looks better on you than on me. That's for sure. That's why I brought in my intern. Yeah. To take some of the slack up. Wait, you guys are the same age? Oh, that can't be. I'm older than you. I'm older than you.

How old are you? 59. I'm 56. Okay. Well, there you go. See? Yeah. Three years ago, I looked like that. Now, I don't know years ago. I look like that It's all about the maintenance well yeah, you put the time and you gotta keep that maintenance Oh, I saw it coming a long time ago though. I saw it coming like in my 30s

Yeah, but you never were like this. I mean like you never know I never let myself go yeah I never let myself go I'm terrified of it really yeah because I've been injured before I've had a bunch of surgeries I know what it's like to like have things not work good I'm like oh you got to do everything you can to make sure the fucking wheels are still on the machine Yeah, if you don't you know we all know guys like Patrice. We lost Patrice Yeah, we all know guys who don't take care of themselves and fucking shit just starts breaking. What do you think stuff falling apart? I'm glad you brought up Patrice because we've lost a lot of greats The Patrice is the one a lot of people like you know super fans always bring up Patrice

What would he do in the age of ozempic? What do you think? I don't think he would go along with it. I could see him putting it on like a like a cheeseburger You know he just was not he's not a fucker category He's not gonna do it like Brian Simpson got on it for a little while was terrible for him really a terrible reaction Wow, and I was and I taught those guys how to eat better I'm like just stop eating all the bullshit, and you'd be amazed at how much better you feel What do you think is bullshit like in these bread and carbs? Not all carbs like it's it's not like vegetables are fantastic for you I'm not a I'm not one of those people that thinks that you should be on any

Particular diet because I think diets are different for every person some people vegetarian vegan. They're fine some people they fall apart It's you got to figure out what the fuck is right for you But for everybody yeah sugar really everybody even sweetener. No good well like artificial sweetener Yeah, that kills you you're a fucking pussy Diet coke takes you out on stevia I'm not flit as I with all I Just on stevia

I'm not flayin a xylitol. I Think I think that it's fucking pasta and bread for a lot of people I know it is for me. I over consume calories when I eat that stuff. Yeah, because it's just it's so Wonderful to stuff in your fat face When's the last time you had a piece of cake just like I'll shit and giggle I'll do it every now and then once a week or something I give myself a day where I don't give a shit. I'll eat pizza What about what is a carb a loader aren't you supposed to do a bunch of that before you do like a race or you? Ride yeah, like yeah, that's a lot of guys do that

That you would have to talk to like endurance athletes about that But essentially they're just like taking in a lot of carbohydrates before like ultra marathons and things like that and then they also have gels They have these carb gels. They'll squirt in their mouth. Oh wow running. Yeah, they're just all about performance Those those folks are all about just like trying to squeeze out another two or three minutes in a 100 mile race Oh, that's crazy. I ride a bike in New York City, so I eat a ton of pasta and I'm riding three miles I'm like I got a car below But that's a fucking workout though boy. That's so good for your health except for the fact that you're breathing in brake dust Oh, I think that's the least of it in New York. Oh, yeah, it's kind of like it's kind of like

You're driving through like a zombie horde. You know it's like Homeless, you're peddling and you're also kind of basically like, away, get away. Thought about wearing like armor. Yeah. You're like, Charge of the Light Brigade. I have used my bike chain as like a mace for riding.

Oh yeah. He's got it away from you? He's got some great tangles, but he has, yeah. Is it that bad down there? Oh yeah. I mean, you gotta learn. Sometimes you have to pop off because cars will turn and they act like you don't exist.

So you gotta like yell and everything. Right. And a lot of these guys, especially since the pandemic, because everything's food delivery. So they all go down the wrong way. They're all buzzing around you on the side. It's terrible.

And this guy, this guy called me on a bad one. I was having a bad day and he was coming at me. I was like, wrong way, asshole. And he came up, got in front of me stopped and was like asshole You're an asshole, and he smacked my coffee out of my hand a white guy. Yeah That's something yeah, that's southern draw really gave it away Someone from the Bronx over to be like fair enough No, if it was a yelling a someone from the Bronx over to be like fair enough

For you, sir. I'm wrong so he climbed out smacked your coffee Oh, yeah, and I spit in his face and wow he's he right and then I got I went down and then he came up again and took his phone out and Started to tape me and I was like you're a fucking pussy you fucking snitch, and I took my chain I was like you want to be fucking tough. Let's be tough And he was not crazy and I rode away and I went welcome to New York there's all crowded people watching that's coming from the guy who just saw Ghostbusters how many times this guy is a Ghostbuster nut yeah he's a fanatic he was probably coached if anyone gives you hard time you'll film yeah yeah shame yeah you don't like immigrants oh yeah well no he was

French so that was a terrible French accent I didn't get that at all I didn't get that at all on that one no no no I made him sound like he was Becky but he was French yeah but you got to be careful fighting people from other countries they play by different rules that's true oh yeah yeah you know you're with a guy you're tangling and all of a sudden he pulls out a snake. Pfft. I got a poisonous viper on me. You know who told me that?

This guy I knew from Malaysia. He said, you know, in Malaysia, you know, you go to a bar and these guys have these rings that are dipped in poison. So like, you know, you'd be with the guy and all of a sudden he'll like, on the back, like that and they're like, ow, what was that? Like a pinick and then you're dead like a day later. No, it's a Malaysian. Hello Like those spheres in shit in Vietnam something like that

Oh, you could probably survive the spear dipped in shit before you could survive the poison Yeah, but I was like in Malaysia Wow tough. It's a tough tough scene over there Well, Ian is, you know, was gonna say like, we've been working together for a long time. Yeah. And he's sober too, you know, so I'm sorry this is kind of like a bore, but, you know, the sober life on the road is not very cool, you know, the chain smoking and the coffee. We go on adventures. We do. Daytime. You think it would be like sobered no coffee No, I can tell you right now

My plane was delayed and I hadn't had a coffee in 12 hours. I got that weird headache You know I'm talking about it's like like it from from the front all the way to the back And I was like that's coffee withdrawal right there. Yeah, we also don't drink water. Yeah waters for yeah, no, I drink coffee pretty much Yeah, I have to remind you to drink water. Yeah, I'm like use it water David. Yeah. Oh my god doesn't want it Oh my god. It's really yeah That's like the the least you can do for your body and I'm like nah I don't think so well those connecting flights are hell when you can't smoke cigarettes Yeah, it's like an eight-hour connecting flight. Then you get a smoke in the family bathroom at the airport

There's only one airport where you can smoke and that's Vegas. I think is that the only one that it has that weird Yeah, like that's coffin room. Yeah that kind of Or two I don't know but that is the wildest thing they ever did give you a box where you can do drugs in Get in there. Yeah, cuz it's gonna fuck up everybody else so get in there So you don't fuck in a little little living up rat Well the crazy things used to be able to smoke on the fucking plane. Yes I remember it clearly when I was a kid dice used to have a bit about it the smoking section Fucking tube

It's all the same air! They had a fucking smoking section. Try doing that joke today. People are like, what? Smoking on a plane? Even smoking jokes. People are like, what are you talking about? I thought smoking was back. I thought all the scenesters, the posers are into smoking cigarettes now because vaping became too mainstream. I thought that they That's what I've heard in New York like smoking in a restaurant smoking in a bar somewhere

Just have like it's kind of like a retro kind of a look how cool I am you know well It's trading the moment for the future true that is true, but I was just in a house with old people There's not much you want that moment oh You trade that moment for like a decay. Yeah. A certain amount of decay you're gonna experience in your future. Yeah, I'll take it.

Yeah. You gotta live in the moment, you know? Sure, until you can't. Well, I'm telling you, I was just around a lot of old people, like the woman next to my mom in the hospital, 100 years old. No. And she was no Betty White, by the way, all right, it was like, we peeked through the curtain.

It's like, hi! And it was just like eyes over an oxygen mask glaring at us, like, whoa, okay, we get it. I'll see you at the hardware store in heaven. She was done. She was done. She was done. She was done.

Are you gonna live forever? I mean, we all know that. That's not possible. Come on. No one's living forever. Well, but my goal is just to stay healthy. Just keep it moving. Keep it moving. Make sure it moves good. Would you eventually segue like from like a less strenuous workout? You know what I'm saying? Like when you get older? Not unless I have to. Like a Tai Chi in a park? Nothing like that? I get to do a Tai Chi in a park. Tai Chi in a park makes you look like you read a lot.

Mm. You know? You know? You're like really into esoteric things. True. You're out there moving slow in the park doing an ancient kung fu. In New York, that's called methadone.

People just like, in their own like world. I used to go to this pool hall. And the methadone people just like in their own like world. I used to go to this pool hall and The methadone clinic was right down the street and so my friend Johnny's call him the methadone ins They get their dose and they just come in and play pool For sure they were high yeah No, yes idea that methadone is like that's what stops you from using heroin right right but it also gets you high right yeah yeah I know guys are addicted to methadone mm-hmm and what was gonna say that you can take with just a pill right isn't that what that is you can drink it too yeah wow and suboxone is

the same thing yeah I come in and explain that on the podcast once he actually ran a clinic One point in time and he was explaining how they're just getting you hooked on these other things and these other things also get you High. Yeah. Yeah, have you done it before now suboxone? No, no, but I mean it's it's just like I've heard mixed reviews though. Some people say it doesn't do that to you Well, I mean, it's like whatever gets you off the thing that's killing you, you know It's like harm reduction But eventually you got to get off that if you want to be like totally sober

And is that methadone is just as bad if not worse for you really I don't think it's good for you I mean my cousin's on it. She's doing great Told me I think that if you know that the problem with fucking any opiates is it's, your body develops a tolerance. And then you go Rush Limbaugh. Rush was taking like 99 pills a day or something crazy. Wow. Really? He went deaf from it supposedly. Jesus Christ. I didn't know that about him. Yeah. The whole book is going hard. It's made by them.

You know, just like, excellence in broadcasting. I just imagined him just fucking blasted out of his mind. 90. Wandering around his house. Yelling the most horrific things. On opiates. Wow. Rubber band around his balls. Just fucking

out to lunch Painkillers may have caused Limbaugh's deafness Well, I didn't know that could a common painkiller if taken in massive quantities by the way Contributed to rush Limbaugh's well-known hearing loss Research findings suggest that the radio talk show host apparent addiction to Vicodin could be the culprit behind his mysterious attack of deafness two years ago. Doctors over the past several years have reported dozens of cases of Vicodin addicts who become deaf, and in some cases only regained their hearing with the help of cochlear implants, such as the one received by Limbaugh.

It's pretty clear that there's an association, says Dr. Jeffrey Harris, an ear specialist, the University of California San Diego Medical School. The ear is sensitive to drugs, and this particular association with Vicodin has become more relevant as people are getting their hands on it as a recreational drug. How many did he take at the height of his pilliness? Find that, because I think it was really nutty.

I think he was up to like, I think he was up to like I think he was in the 90s Wow In a week and I was flying high I took imagine it I believe it was Viking that I took once when I had knee surgery I mean it was I was like I'd rather be in pain like I feel so Stupid yeah, but then I had a buddy mine It was a musician and he said he would take it and it would really help with his creativity when he's writing song really Wow Sounds like an excuse

But it's I think it's a thing It's will definitely a crutch right but I think it's a thing where it's like different for different people like for something like for Stan Hope weed is horrific. Yeah, no, it's not we got yeah, you can't do it Yeah, he's an og drunk right? Yeah me weed is like this is wonderful. I love it Yeah, everything's great, but I just think it's I think that the Diversity of like how the the difference is in people's like just chemistry. It's very Under-appreciated in terms of tolerance to food in terms of you know how much exercise What kind of diseases you're gonna get like this it's biodiversity man. We're gonna try it to find out Yeah, we're all fucking different like any one size fits all get the fuck out of here with that that doesn't work with people

We're so different. What else like a bunch of different species is all smushed up together Yeah, when I had a shoulder surgery they gave me a pain blocker Have you have one of those no it like lasts about? 12 hours, and it just blocks the only have when I had surgery yeah I'm like why have some why hasn't that gotten recreational because it was like awesome It's like I was walking around like I don't feel like I had a surgery epidural where they go into your spine Is that what you're saying? No. No, they just put something like on it. Oh, I think or no. No, no You're right. It was in me and then it dissolved or something like that. No with an epidural They it's like a spine block. Okay, so they do it's like if you want to be conscious

Like I was conscious when I got my knee operated on so they basically paralyzed me below the waist. Wow, that's scary And then it was wild. Why would you want that? I wanted to see it. Because I wanted to see what the surgery looked like. I wanted to see my knee being pulled apart, screwed in together. I wanted to, like they said I could watch it.

Couldn't you just watch it later? No, no, no. Well this was 1990, whatever it was. And so, you know, I said what are the options? And the doctor said, well most people we just put them under I go But why would you not put them under and he said because if sometimes people want to be awake and I said well What happens if you're awake like can I watch and he's like, yeah, I go. Okay, let's do that I want to see it so you could talk and everything while you were doing it. Yeah, I could Wow

And you didn't feel any panic? No, it was interesting Because it didn't I didn't feel any pain, so I was watching the doctor screw it in and hammer it and fucking oh man I whoo did it at any point were you like am I dead no no no doctor was awesome It wasn't out of body no no no because you're you're you're essentially sitting there I think I think the way I was seeing it was on a monitor if I remember correctly I think there was like they had like a cotton shield in front of me and my legs were there and Then I was looking up at a monitor. I thought I remember correctly. It's a long time ago. It's hard to remember I didn't get sick remember him manipulating my leg and moving it around

It was fucked. I didn't have an ACL my leg and moving it around. It was fucked. I didn't have an ACL. So they had to, and it's a pretty serious operation because they have to take a piece of your patellar tendon with a chunk of bone from your shin and a chunk of bone from your kneecap and they pull that out and then they put it inside your knee and screw it in place. Wow. Just the sounds alone would have creeped me out.

It's crazy. When hear the the bone crunching because the the fucking screw is going into it You're like, I want to knock me out of the dentist I can't imagine he's the surgery and then afterwards he's manipulating it to like afterwards I was watching him move it around and what was the recovery on that? Like how long it took a long time? I'm sure yeah, that's a long one because it because there's so much trauma going on there. I think that took like a year before my knee felt normal. The knee is harder than the shoulder, right? No, the shoulder is very hard. Very hard because the shoulder moves all over the place. Oh, okay. This is the only thing I could find. When he was arrested, they had

over 2000 plus painkillers in his in his system or on a Housekeeper claims that he did over 30 oxy is a day, but that's oxy's that's not Vicodin We got to the game after my son I don't Laura set oh yeah everything nor nor can or you know a few things oh Which could hydrocodone can cause hearing loss it says Which could hydrocodone can cause hearing loss it says Wow imagine like what a pill free what a hell that is to when you're a guy who has headphones on for a living Like he and you are your pill thing is so wacky He can't stop it's so wacky you can't stop to the point where your your fucking hearing goes away Yeah, now you do your job. Oh good. Just with that oxy itch and everything and then one day you can't hear

What a nightmare the thing you love feeling good, dude But he's probably got like five doctors to write those scripts like that cuz I mean honestly isn't it illegal so like well He was living in Florida. Oh, that's this was That's a great doc on Like that the guys were making all that money just selling like fake You know like it was just like anybody people coming in at Kentucky. Yeah, hey, I got a I got a bursitis Okay, here you go. That's my friend Mariana van Zeller She it's the Oxycontin Express that that lady that lady's a gangster

But she exposed the whole thing where they don't have a database Yeah, go from one place they're basically pain management centers. Do you remember those? Yeah, it's all done now. It's crazy. Okay, Mr. Limbaugh and I have maintained from the start that there was no doctor shopping and when we continue to hold this position,

Mr. Black said, I love how he says that just that way. He's giving up the fact that he's playing a game. We continue to hold this position. You're playing a chess game. You're literally like saying it in what you're saying. There's no doctor shopping. I don't know what you're talking about. But maybe back, like he had to be doing this

for years and years and years. He's getting 2,000 pills. You're going doctor shopping. Or you're buying it from a drug dealer. It's one of those two options. Amazing. But when you have endless money. Yeah Doctor so what do we do is you go to the the pain management center? Yeah, go and you say I'm in pain and they go

Oh, we'll write your prescription for drugs and you go right next door to the pharmacy that only sells Oxycontin The Oxycontin Express they just buy them from one doctor and go to another doctor and they'd just get bags of pills, fill their trunk up and drive to Kentucky. Yeah, and it was off 95. So they would just go from Florida up to Philly, Delaware, New York, Baltimore. How many cars made that trip before they started figuring out what was going on? Right.

And the pharmaceutical drug companies knew it, so they just kept selling it. Oh yeah. And the pharmaceutical drug companies knew it so they just kept selling it. Oh, yeah, they were there was some nutty statistic at one point in time where Florida had like 1,000 times more The world I make that a number up but it was some nutty number where you're like what in fucking God's name Are you people doing how is that not like an anomaly? It just shows up like this one state has an insane amount of prescription Like is there some pain in that state? We've got the blues

No, but I like the parking lot did you see in the documentary they're like the most like vagrant like just like redneck Just like just basically screeching around and then the doctors themselves were armed because they're so afraid, you know Like those doctors are dealing with zombies. Yeah, somebody runs dry money and no one wants their dick sucked. Mm-hmm You're gonna get jumped. I mean definitely on the way out. It's like an in-and-out in Oakland. I mean, it's anybody's They would have in a there's a book called Dreamland that talks about the pill crisis and everything and how it started with black tar heroin coming in from Naira, Mexico and everything and there were houses in Ohio that people would line up with stolen goods and trade like

chainsaws for pills and then they would take those goods from Home Depot and like sell them back to make more money to buy pills Oh my god Good pill economy. I don't know what to say. You know this there's many wrong wars connected to that too Yeah conspiracies about Vietnam always had something to do with with heroin and the conspiracy about Afghanistan Oh with the opium Dude, we were guarding opium fields. Yeah. We were guarding poppy fields.

The United States troops were guarding poppy fields. And they had Geraldo Rivera go over there to Gaslight America about it. And they played it on TV. Now tell me, why are you guarding this heroin? What they say? Well, we have to guard the heroin, otherwise the local people won't like us.

Like oh, makes sense. What they saying that they had to. Back to you, Ted. That they had to do it from the Taliban or something? Like that was like. Well, that was how, like they, what's the truth and what's the story are two very different things.

They were fucking selling heroin. Heroin production went up after we invaded by some Fucking insane number. Yeah, that's not like a shine then these guys like we need you to guard this heroin So you like us we're here to guard it so they send fucking soldiers over there to guard heroin Yeah, yeah, you're gonna roll to his big fucking silly smile. Hi everybody in a war with a big smile Silly this he's trying to this smile is to let everybody know that everything's fine This is nothing to be concerned with and this is right around the time when opium and Oxycontin was just flowing Even the way he's like performatively shaking this guy's side and in front of the camera like he hasn't met this guy before

The whole thing is such a fucking charade Fighting the opium trade by guarding the heroin Imagine the fucking gaslighting fighting the opium trade while guarding The heroin field so that they could make heroin Yep, the poppy fields only make heroin. They're not there's no tomatoes in there, right? How are you fighting the opium trade by guarding the heroin and ensuring the production? It grinds at your gut. How do you deal with it? What are you doing about it? Oh frankly? This is part of their culture so while it might grind in my gut. It's what they do

We provide them security providing them resources and we're providing them alternatives and the alternatives Hit the brakes the government became a drug dealer One fucking hundred percent. There's no way they're doing that unless they're making some. The alternative is pumpkins. We thought maybe a good pumpkin batch in here. Once a year the pumpkin... How about a Christmas tree farm? I know it goes against the culture, but... If we just tie pumpkin season right, we're going to make a killing, boys. Now the Vietnam thing is interesting because I know my cousin who was in Vietnam, he came back and he had a heroin problem

But in actual Vietnam, they don't make heroin. It's Laos, right? Yeah, it's it's a trade routes. So there you go It's like it's in that it's in that zone that it's controlling the area You know like there's so many conspiracies about what what the real reason why they lied and made up a false attack To get us to go into Vietnam but almost always it's money. Almost always. There's no way they do anything like that unless someone's making money. That's what they did then, that's what they do now. Now if you're making money the legal ways, you know, through like selling weaponry and doing all the stuff that we do, but then you realize that there's

all this extra money being made here that you're not getting a piece of right if there's Trillions of dollars in heroin coming from a place. Yeah, you're gonna be like hey, this is kind of bullshit I'm tired of selling you fuckers tanks I want a piece of this heroin money. Yeah, and that look this is like so well documented in our country That's literally what the Iran contra affair was about that's the way we funded the war get the sandinistas versus the contras nicaragua yeah that's oliver north i mean that's fucking freeway ricky ross was selling on the coke yeah but we have to invade them because they hate our freedom that is a

little bit of that way what's really important is framing it in a way that the common person can understand. I know this seems like tyranny to you, and there's a bunch of fucking murderous drug dealers at the helm of the wheel. But that's not the case. Yeah. What about fentanyl? What do you think of that? Oh, I love it. I want it. It's got legs.

It's got legs. I wish it was in everything. It's fucking crazy. It's crazy that's out of China right it's that well they need the precursors the precursors apparently are coming from China Okay, again China's like listen are they buying them more sound way? Yeah, let's go is there plan to win the hundred-year war well this back home. They are way ahead of schedule Those guys are killing it. They're fucking killing it. They're killing it with tick-tock. I think tick-tock accelerated every yeah tick-tock is the new opium Yeah, it really is Their tick-tock is all like, you know, it's good

Sexy and dance white yeah ours is are you a child miss sexy and dance like what yeah drag queens are fun They must be really I'm a teacher you need to know how I fuck Jesus Christ, I'm non-binary So you must use these pronouns and the kids are like how many pronouns are there? Yeah? Yeah, what the fuck that's uh? I've never been to China I know guys who've toured through there like I can only imagine what those shows are like I guess you do for the expats it's not like the locals are dying for

American comedy over there they will fucking put you in the ground if you talk some shit over there oh yeah no you can't go over there and just get drunk and do comedy yeah they will put you in the fucking ground. But you know how like when you do like a town and you always make fun of the other town, like to get those people on your side, like, hey, I'm in Pittsburgh, what about that? You know, Scranton, am I right? Come on, they suck.

I'm kidding, but you know, that's the thing, like who do they make fun of? I guess us, that would be really, it's just like, oh, I'm sorry, I'm coming from America with our, you know, different branches of government. I wish we had just one guy. America with our you know different branches of government. Well, which we have just one guy One guy you can get shit done. Yeah Yeah, you can really get that's for sure because what you do is you make sure that the businesses are on the same page as

The government the government owns the businesses are all together. You're all part of it You can't make a decision without them that way. We're all working the greater good of the country You can make gonna make plenty of money, but we're all working the greater good of the country. And it's a weird hybrid of communism and commerce. Like that's what changed. When China figured out, oh no, we need to have competition so people need to be able to make money. Let them make money but we'll still look on the run shit. And then I think America was like, I like what she's wearing. Yeah. I want a...

She looks good. Yeah, I want that dress. I think it's that. That's what I think it is. And I think that's why they're fucking pushing for all this crazy shit today. People think they're really trying to make the world better for people. No, they're not. Shut the fuck up.

They're trying to get more control out of you. What's your, like, when you go overseas, like, do you perform, like, a tour? Or, like, what's your favorite, like, spot overseas? I love the UK. I love to go over there. I just love the people. I just love it. They're fun. It's a fun place. I love England. I love Scotland. How about Australia? Have you done that?

Yeah, I've done Australia. I love Australia. They're fun fucking people, man. They're fun people. You know, there's a lot of America that's, like, I've done Australia. I love Australia. I've never fucking people man. They're fun people you know There's a lot of America. That's like a little uptight for sure Like very judgy yeah very judgy and very uptight Yeah, and you know I know there's a lot of wokeness in England, too But like good old fucking regular drunk English guys are fun. I like them. I like drunk Irish guys. They're fun are fun I like them I like drunk Irish guys they're fun Ireland is good yeah they're fun young people there get it young people know what the fuck is going on then the young people today are on the internet and the young people today

are paying attention to people that aren't lying and they realize like oh we're getting fucked yeah yeah you've been getting fucked we were getting fucked we didn't even know we were getting fucked well I mean when you go overseas go overseas, that's the thing of like, you know, I say start small, Canada. You know what I'm saying? Like, get it going. It's funny how like they get all of our references, yet they're better people. You know that kind of thing? Canadians? Yeah. No they're not. I think they are, no?

No. 20% less douchebags in Canada. How many fights have you seen out of Tim Hortons? That's what I want to know. Exactly. You never see a beat down, you never see a shooting. I went to a strip club in Calgary and they they use the loonies and toonies, the coins, to give the strippers. And people are like when you go make sure you don't warm them up with a lighter. They don't like that. I'm like what? They're throwing hot coins at strippers? These are terrible people. This might be what we call like sampling bias.

Like the study that you took of what kind of people Canadians are at a whole. Was that a strip club? Blanket statement. And where? Where was the strip club? Calgary. Calgary. Okay. A strip club in a fucking cattle town. A frozen cattle town. in one of the toughest fucking places on earth to live I Forgot it is a cattle town. Yeah, I've got some friends that my friends John and Jen they live in Edmonton and they live out in Alberta and

It's so cold out there You can take hot water and throw it in the air and it freezes before it hits the ground Wow, bro. They get to 50 below 60 below a week before I was there was negative 30 and then the week I went it was 32 degrees and people were like oh, I'm wearing shorts They're so cool up there you have to have discipline to live That's why they're so cool up there. You have to have discipline to live You have to be able to shovel your car out of the fucking snow to stay alive

To stay alive like it makes for better people it makes for more resilient people people are better when they know how to put on snow tires Well this guy in the strip club Honestly, he really I hate to think you out or anything, but he really like, you know how like most guys go and they just kind of sit and observe? He's part of the action. He immediately runs in throwing the dollar, spanking an ass. I'm like, I don't know if you're allowed to do that here, dude. I don't know like where you think you're like.

He's from Delaware, so I assume that's like a handshake. In Delaware, it's normal. Yeah, spanking a woman's ass. But I was like- Shout out to the whole club. And they liked it too. They were like, oh, finally a guy who gets us is here. In Delaware it's normal. Yeah, spanking a woman's ass. Shout out Gold Club. And they liked it too, they were like, oh finally a guy who gets us is here. They were like into him. They wanna have fun and most guys just sit there

and like, you know, you went up and you put a dollar like you were betting poker. I was like. Exchanging money. I was like looking around for the cameras. I'm like, I don't wanna be observed doing this. But it was really definitely a a that was for Louis Cass's Bachelor half half bachelor party

Because I wasn't gonna go to Costa Rica with them And down there. Costa Rica is awesome, but the bugs are gigantic. Bro, they have crazy bugs you have never seen before. They're like birds. Really? They're fucking huge. I wouldn't be into that. There's crocodiles there.

I went with my family and we went on a crocodile tour. It's crazy, dude. They're crocodiles, right? Oh, yeah. They're bayous? Well, they have a crocodile. It's like rivers and I don't know what you would call it I guess you could call it a bayou who's I think by who's like an American term isn't a French term

Yes, it is French term used for Cajun country CCR term. Yeah But so we're in this boat right and my kids are young at the time and I'm like don't go near there don't get They're like every time they go near the edge One of them is a little daredevil and she likes to like like lean over the edge I'm like come on you fucking thrill seeker These are real dinosaurs man and so we watch this one slide into the water So there's a bunch of them on the deck on the the bank rather and they're sunning themselves And you see these 15 feet crocodiles just sunning themselves They're like this is so creepy, and then they slide into the water like Jesus

They're under us they're in the fight you're in the boat and I'm like this is such a bad idea and all my father Instincts are kicking in I'm like don't go near don't go Hey, hey, hey, hey, you know like you like road rage times a hundred you like Fucking freaking man. Oh if one of them falls in you're gonna go in you have to go in you have to go in Yeah, leave them you have to go in and you have to throw them onto the fucking boat And then you gotta figure out how to get up because the crocodile is gonna hear the splashing oh Jesus wow so scary How about the how about the ocean there too? That's another one where it's like amazing, but there's a lot of shark

Oh, they're sharks down there. I heard shark Florida Down in the Keys they have so many bull sharks that there's a bunch of videos of guys Fishing and they're just trying to get the fish in as quick as they can because the bull sharks come along me It's just fuck those fish up Wow As they can because the bull sharks come along me and just fuck those fish up Wow There's bull sharks everywhere down there so many that you're allowed to kill them and cook them really yeah You can go bull shark fish. You can go bull shark fishing in the Keys in Florida. What does that taste like? How many of you how many bull sharks you allowed to take?

I think you love to take like one a year or something like that, but people go fishing for bull sharks How big do they get and people get mad at them? They're killing shark because of the propaganda of the fucking sharks fin soup All right, I don't understand the size of the globe and they think that sharks are endangered, but not there They're not no they might not be over there Wherever the fuck they've been killing them and taking their fins off But in Florida there's a lot of them does it fuck up the ecosystem though if they kill too many of them sure yeah But we're killing too many fish yeah

The problem is it's not just we mean we the human race where we've depleted the ocean by something around 90% of all the fish and then they told us that plastic straws are the problem Every time I go to a coffee shop It sucks ass here. It is bull sharks are harvestable in Florida with a 54 inch minimum size limit and one per person per day Oh, I want a day day. That's how many they have of them the world record is from Stewart, Florida with 501 pounds 92 inches Yikes the maximum size is about 13 feet with the matures at approximately 14 to 18 years of age. Wow. Teenager. Bull sharks are responsible for

almost all of the different shark attacks out there. They like to bump and bite meaning they bump their prey and attack it while it's trying to figure out what just hit them. Just like you Ian Bumping bite Shark these cut stingrays for bait year-round and our heaviest rods and tackle gear No doubt you'll get a great show and fight if you catch a bull shark I'm not a fishing guy, but I wish I was into that like I like all the gear They have to buy I like that when you go into like a dick's and you see like that old wall for like You know the right anglers and all that kind of the lures and all that kind of

I don't know, but I'm not you wouldn't go I would go But I'm not really try it fishing this is one of the things they just Jamie just pointed out one of the crazy things about Bull sharks as they go into freshwater. Oh wow so they can go they've been all the way up into, Illinois No bullshit. No bullshit. They make their way up the river. The crime statistics are getting crazy. That explains it. Even the movie Jaws was based on a freshwater attack that was on a river in New Jersey. That's right. Yeah. Near Tom's River. They go all the way up the river into the... How can they do that? Fresh and salt? Because they're monsters. Wow. They're just designed to kill and they ran out of shit to kill on the salt they ventured into the fresh

That's amazing. They made it all the way up into the rivers, and they started killing things What are they what do they look like the shark like a regular shark like a great white type? Smaller than that smaller. Yeah, they're smaller, but it's the same kind of look That's what a bull shark looks like yeah Oh my god. Look at that terrifying fuckhead. Wow. Jesus Christ dude. That's like the classic look How many there must be if they let you kill one a day sure do you know how many there must be that's yeah It's great news how many people are going out specifically? Like how much bull sharks videos on YouTube of guys doing it?

Yeah, they have like YouTube fishing channels These fucking dudes go down there, and they catch bull sharks. I mean see if you could find like bull shark fishing Warmer sea surface temperatures have led to a bull shark population increase scientists say wow in wildlife expert discusses whether people should take caution Yeah, they're gonna kill you Take a lot of fucking caution these fuckers are dangerous That's it. They're real aggressive too. I think them and tiger sharks sharks. I think of the most What say Jamie? Yeah, Bull shark fishing. I want to see the Illinois bull shark fishing scene

People have it in their head like oh you shouldn't kill sharks, right? But you also shouldn't let them kill people right like so many fucking sharks to kill people you got to kill the sharks Yeah, but it's also like we shouldn't be eating tuna and salmon with everything that a shark, bro I want a shark steak, bro You used to be able to buy it everywhere mako shark was a normal thing that was on menus Going up on Long Island. That was the big you know the big get a mako Two bull sharks swim up to Mississippi River to st. Louis Wow yeah see the arch That's how resilient they are

1937 sparked a fisherman's tail from 1937 sparked the researchers interest in Bull sharks with upstream after two fishermen caught a five foot 84 four pound bull shark in Alton, Illinois so that was in 1937 58 years later in 1995 a fisherman near Rush Island, Missouri caught another bull shark That's fucking what are they eating what everything Wow fucking everything birds? Whoever's yes, whoever's slipping bitch. Oh man bull sharks typically live in warm water in open salt water But they are one of the few species that can adapt to live in freshwater environments Do they ever have arguments and they go after each other?

I think sharks eat each other yeah sure yeah I'm sure they do for sure well. They kill everything else battle bots of the sea. That'd be great fucking monsters man That's awesome. I mean their teeth are just rows and rows of like Duplicating teeth so when one falls out another one replaces it This is so different from the stuff I look at at home like when I'm like I'm like a koi pond like there's something about a koi pod Like it calms me down. I don't know what it is. We love pet videos.

An altar. Anything with parrots. I'm always into that. I like that too. I like, this is what I was thinking of doing. Like you take, like you know there's all these parrots that outlive their owners. So you take them and you make like a Supreme Court of parrots. They know all this ancient stuff because they're like old.

But like just, you put little robes on them and it it's like, hey, what do you guys think about, and you say an issue, and then like whatever. It's like, okay, well there you go. That's what we should do. Parrots live super old. I know, like 70 years or something. Really? That's crazy. So if you get one when you're 80, you're an asshole.

You really are so selfish. You know, this poor parrot, especially if you treat it well. Yeah, but can you imagine handing a parrot down to your children in the will yeah Suck I think they can live to like a hundred years old I'm not sure like a tortoise like they have that kind of age to them. They really can live a long time There's a few animals where like once you get them as a pet You know you're there, and it is for your kids and do they keep learning phrases

No, I think they kind of like just know like three things. I don't know. Some pets such as tortoises and parrots may live for over 50 years. Okay, well, I was wrong. Wow. But you know, tortoises live like into their hundreds, so. Provide documented parents for their pet parrots

in their wills. Yeah. There it is. Lawyers often urge pet parents. Yeah. Yeah. Pet parents. Lawyers. wills yeah lawyers often urge pet parents Lawyers that's his lawyers weaseling in on time a pet parent attorney That's a leap of faith like cuz I just did a will like and to my parrot. I'd like you know it's like yeah We're gonna do that Yeah, this power can you can talk, but you can't you know testify?

Some species yes, 75 to 100 years. Oh wow Wow, you got to go with an old-fashioned pigeon. That's like what three weeks like six weeks if he's healthy Do you know the pigeons were all brought over here for food? No, I didn't know that I thought they were from here No, no, they're an invasive species. I guess they were brought over from Europe, but they there were a food source That's what squab is Oh, it is squabs pigeon really squab it. Yeah, you all those pigeons in New York City 100% You can shoot them and eat them and they're good. I wish we were allowed Just pink pink just shoot and then you just put them in a bag take them home and pluck them

You could hunt wild meat in Central Park so when people go out Let's squab is that what they're really talking about like pigeoning. That's what's well Yeah Easy Webster I mean that kind of makes sense. Yeah, that's gonna squab. Yeah, yeah, we're the that's a weird word It is squabbling squabbling about that doesn't even sound like a fight word. No, how can you fight after hearing that? No your ankle Squabbled on the way

What about squirrel that used to be like a frontiersman? Hey, I shot some squirrel Oh, yeah, people still eat squirrels. Yeah, they eat squirrels all throughout the south I have friends that hunt squirrels some friends of mine want to take me a squirrel raccoon and rabbit hunting mom here Wow, yeah, he's a good shot. By the way. He really is good. Really hard time killing a raccoon I just think raccoons are so cool. They're the cutest. They're not just a little hand little hand Yeah, and they have little hands Have you ever seen them eat like a cotton candy and water and it disappears and they get so confused Oh, it's a cute. That's weird because they how they eat they pick up their food and then they run and eat it Yeah, so they try to pick the cotton candy up and it goes away and then they're like what happened?

Cute I saw a raccoon in front of the Chelsea Hotel right next to Gotham that's crazy yeah what the fuck that was weird this is crazy he's searching for I lost it somewhere little guy oh what a dirty trick to play on a raccoon look at him he's so fucking frantic I found it someone when they lost their vape. I'll set that down here. What the fuck? Where's that bullshark? You can't escape me. I can even do a water fountain. Comes up to the toilet. Remember that was always the thing that snakes were going to be in the toilets in New York City.

I was thinking about that the other day. Rats do that. Like if a rat really like came up and went inside of me like who's side with the EMTs be on Oh, here's what I always want to know if it's true Alligators in the sewer they yeah is that as a kid that was a big deal They have pet alligators, and they would release them in the sewer. It was always in video games There's a movie about it, too Okay

There's a movie like it was like a horror movie in the 80s about a gator that was living down in the sewers and like You know now he's like humongous and he's and he's going to eat somebody. Yeah That's a cool thing. That was a great urban myth. Yeah, is that it? But was it real did they ever find alligators in the sewers? Alligators in New York City, how would they get there? They said that they will throw them away Yeah, that's how we most of Florida is infested with pythons. Pythons. And a bunch of those came from people's pets. Yeah. Not all of them. They found out, they used to think it was all pets, but then they found out that there was a research lab that got hit, that was filled with pythons,

that got hit with like a hurricane or tornado or some shit. It was like a horror movie. Yeah, and the pythons got loose. That's a terrible death I think I think I'm death Yeah, you're at a python or a shark swallowed head first Well Python you could smoke while you're dying You're in the water you're already kind of like I'm fat, you know My man boobs are being anything that happens in the waters ultimately more terrifying true I can't move good in the water. You can't get away

Did you see that video that guy jumping off the cruise ship and they videotape and he just disappears into the night? Yeah, oh my god. That was some like years ago trying to impress his friends And he jumped off into the water and he's right her and took him away and in the video you just see Just a head bobbing and disappearing into the dark. Oh my god. What a terrible way to die. Yeah. Yeah Being an idiot a drunk. Yeah, you know I feel sorry for The comic on the cruise ship the next day. He has to do a show. I know it was a little down Fuck was wrong with that guy? I guess he can't swim. The conditions have led to the myths of special breeds.

The lack of sunlight creates a blind albino gator. Wow. But is it true? So it started off as a myth, but there have been reports of not only sightings But they have pulled a couple out But the original reports like there was hundreds in there a year and I don't think I think that's a myth Wow They've pulled a couple out of it. Yeah, I mean that's the how many they pull out it started like I said it started off As a myth to like became truth like this is a nonprofit says they pulled out five. Oh, they're just little Handled five in the past two years. That's still a lot

That's pretty good, and they eat the rats right none from sewers Yeah, so this is like people that have pets yeah like in their bathtub. That's such a weird pet exotic There's a dude who lived that guy somewhere I think there's a dude who lived in Harlem with the tiger the tiger yeah in his apartment. Yeah What yeah crazy photo of it in the window Yeah, like the guy like someone's like trying to climb up the fire escape you see a tiger in the window Yeah, that's the most that's amazing of all time. That's crazy because someone's got to go in and deal with that thing in an apartment Look at that look at that. Oh, he's so angry

Yeah, he's trying to fuck that guy up in an apartment. What about the neighbors? I mean like honestly bro. That's gotta be tough How bad is that apartment smell for sure cuz you're not gonna stop that thing from pissing on the walls, right? He's gonna mark wherever he wants so he's got a snake next to the tiger this guy's into exotic up. Yeah So those are a turtle that's so unfair to the tiger so rude to the tiger living up is the zoo in the Bronx Like when are we gonna move to Manhattan or something you know it's like sick of being We're nowhere near the part. You know the action There was a really good this

near the park. No, the action. There was a really good, this owl escaped from the Central Park Zoo and they tried to capture him and they couldn't and then they said, he'll just be fine, he's living out there in Central Park, he's eating rats and pigeons and so he's like helping everything and then he just flew into a building and died. It was sad. I felt so bad for him. It's like he finally got out, he was like looking for a mate and then he just like,

at night, because he's owls, you know, they're night people, so it's just just like fluent somebody's building and killed himself, you know, but I thought they fly good at night That's what I thought. I guess not Seagull or something birds get really confused by glass. Oh, yeah, that was him Flacco Dead oh, man, we're Flacco. That's great. Flacco probably thought he was going into an opening and he hit a window sure But yeah, he was he was like escaped. You know catch and release belt. You know bail reform You ever have that happen in your house you see your dunk And it's the sound of a knock on glass and you look out is your bird just dead oh geez no I hear it sunk on my glass. I live in Brooklyn. It's just an angry teenager

But that's like we drive through Nebraska and like all sudden like weird shit starts hitting your windshield You know it's like what is that is that a grasshopper? What is that? Oh, yeah, like you know bugs like it's just like for the amount of bug and the amount of shit that comes out of them You're like wow that didn't make sense. You know it's like a splatter Imagine driving through a locust storm. Oh, that would be cool Man, well, they just flood the skies. Oh for God's sake you know locus and grasshoppers are the same thing I didn't know that what yeah grasshoppers like turn into locus is like a specific thing that can happen to them I don't know if it's like a population thing like caterpillars into a butterfly But no because it's not it doesn't always happen like find out like what turns grasshoppers into locusts

It's something really nutty wait if you can see this leave this locust swarm check this out Well whatever they are you use whatever bathroom they want Contained up to 200 million pests how about living creatures you fucking piece of shit They're not pests. We're much more. That's a grasshopper if yeah, and they turn But just Google what what it is can't you eat this I mean? Edible grasshopper and cricket can you eat locust yeah for sure so what are we crying about? Open your mouth a lot of bugs So what are we crying about?

Open your mouth a lot of bugs Various species of short-horned grasshoppers in the family, but like they have a swarming phase So what causes them to swarm? Locusts and grasshoppers the same in appearance, but locusts can exist in two different behavioral states Solitary and gregarious whereas most grasshoppers do not when the population density is low Locusts behave as individuals much like grasshoppers. So it's a population thing I thought it was me why the grasshoppers turn into locusts the term locusts is used for a grasshopper species that change morphology morphologically and behaviorally on crowding forming swarms developed from bands of immature stages called hoppers the change described as density dependent phenotypic plasticity. Yeah so it's

density dependent so it's like it's something about the population that causes them to go fucking nutty and so they look real different. Look at their color changes. Oh man. That's tough on the top there. That's so cool with the knees back there. They got to make a drone or something like that. I mean honestly Like pretty wild is pretty nuts super swarm of locusts in Illinois Indiana, Ohio area this year. Oh really to you know, like they they bury themselves or they hyper Something years. That's a cicada. I thought yeah. Yeah, sorry. Well, I please something years. That's a cicada I thought.

Oh yeah, yeah, sorry, well. Please, it's my big thing. The cicada burger. Is it a cicada? Yeah, it's a cicada. Oh, cicadas, they eat those too. Every 17 years or 13 years, the cicada return. I always love that.

When they come out, it's just like, they're annoying. They're everywhere. Shedding their skin. They're really loud, but they eat those too. Wow. I know a lot of people online have videos about how to cook cicadas. Ew. That's the whole thing. You all things teriyaki sauce, and you bake them apparently they're delicious. It's protein, right? Trillions oh

trillions Since the caters will merge from Maryland to Oklahoma, Illinois to Alabama clearly Trillions of adult cicadas will be present, but not all in the same place the same time yeah well that's I would hope not those fat bugs that's crazy imagine the border I think they're cool they sound cool so but they're out every year right in small numbers is that what the deal is and then yeah are they the ones that make the noises yeah at night are they is that the deal like they're out every year in small numbers And then every here's the like it's called a brood. Yeah, like there's different sizes of them that wow

Come out or emerge every year. I guess this is what the world economic forum wants us to eat Eat bugs and you'll be happy But the thing is you need to know that you can eat them you can't eat them They're very edible and my friend Ryan Callahan he had like a recipe for cooking them They talked about take them put them on a sheet these teriyaki sauce We got teriyaki glaze cook them apparently they're delicious I would try it but I don't know if I I eat them and I grasshoppers in Mexico

Mmm, really crickets maddening crickets Do they do they like deep fry them or how do they fry them somehow? I don't know something like that. I don't know but they had a bowl of them in the room I think it was crickets and I was like first of all, that's weird because like crickets are the only bug that I don't kill Like if I find a cricket I catch him with my hand and bring him outside really? Yeah, if I find a cricket, I catch him with my hand and I bring him outside. Really? Yeah, if I find a spider, you're fucked. Really? Spiders are just fucked.

Wow. I'll kill you. Yeah, that looks pretty good. Yeah, once you cook it up. They call it a chapellinis, that's how you say it? I would do that. Dried and roasted grasshoppers, a pre-Hispanic Mexican delicacy.

They're small, most are shorter than the length of an adult pinky and nutty in flavor The cooking process can add additional flavors such as lemon garlic and chili I thought it was South Southeast Asia or something with a maybe it maybe it's grasshoppers, and I thought it was crickets Looks like that either way I could say that kill either. What about like are you like an adventure food guy or no? Yeah, I'll try some different stuff. You know the thing in the Philippines where it's like an egg But like it's it's like the fetus is already like, you know, it's not like a race. Yeah. Have you had that?

Yeah, we serve them a fear factor. My Filipino friends are like get the fuck out of here. Eat that easy Like what are they scared to eat that terrifying looking? What is it? It's basically a baby bird lies embryo It's a duck. So it is I have no idea what it is. It looks disgusting in the embryo is yeah Yeah, see there's like a thing in there. Oh my god. Yeah, so people eat the whole thing they eat the little baby They eat the yolk Everything that to me is like too much. It's rough. Yeah, it's gotta be you're getting beaks in there I'm such a baby with food Yeah, I

Don't remember if I tried that I don't think that sounds like a really good treat for like a dog like hey Look, there's an egg and it like a bird in there. You know, like here you go, buddy I so many things on fear factor. I kind of forgot all the stuff I don't think I ate one snake of course right no I never ate snake really would you eat everything that they ate? I ate it. It's fine. I would do it if I thought someone Someone really real needed to know that you can do it. I'll do it for no reason I'll do it for no reason I can't even win just to show you that you could do it. You do this you just do it Just just decide you're gonna do it and do it. It's so paternal. Well, it's just like coaching

Yeah, I'm trying to help these people. Yeah, that's a weird moment being on TV trying to eat a dick What's the side, you know, it's like and can I get some fries with that dick, you know, it's like, hey, can I get some fries with that dick? Fried pubes. Yeah. I don't know, man. I think it was cool that, you know... In New York, there's always like the new restaurant, the new hot thing to eat and stuff like that. I'm never into that. I'm not a food guy like that. You like, you're into everything, right?

I'll try anything, but I definitely have my comforts that I go back to. Yeah, man, it's just so hard. That's why Austin's so good. They got great food here. I don't try anything, but I definitely have my comforts that I go back to. Yeah, man, it's just so hard. That's why Austin's so good. They got great food here, pretty much from beginning, like the morning to day, till night. There's so many good food trucks. Yeah, there's a lot of great options.

And there's a lot of, you know, just a lot of cool shit to do here. It's not overwhelmed. It's like a perfect size. And what's the, I was gonna say, you know, we're doing the club, right? And that 6th Street, has it settled down or is it still like popping the way it is? It's a crazy, that end of it too is kind of the craziest end. Yeah it is. It's fucking wild. We're in the heart of it. When you're old and you walk down the street it's a whole different experience. Nobody gets it like when you're an old person with like a

mortgage and you're walking down the street. They just see all that. The only place I think almost as equal is San Diego like that street where the American Comedy Club is because this is nothing but like drunks, fights, just squad cars coming from every direction all the time for like two hours then it's like quiet again, but it's just like this amazing Kind of like you know Like like almost like somebody said like you know rung a bell. It's like be nuts You know we're crazy purge for a couple hours purge yeah It is like a bunch of barefoot drunk women

So crazy, but yeah that that's just that that street man is very Honing, but that's a good place for comedy both in San Diego and here It's sure be around that chaos and then come inside you're a little like more used to chaos Hmm a little more used to like some nuttiness bring some pop They're waiting in line, and you do some crackheads everywhere. We have security out there to protect them. Yeah Sketchy fucking that's like your seller now in the West Village like these people line up to go see a comedy show And then there's just people costing them for money and singing songs in their face And then they come in like what the fuck just happened. Do you feel a noticeable change in the city?

Yeah, with the immigrant thing oh It depends what part of the city definitely around like the Port Authority midtown You'll definitely see more of that kind of you know activity, and that's over how much time? I'd say the last six months three months something like that. Where do you think this goes in six years? Nowhere good is it deli? I I really don't know but there is like There there definitely is like a mood in that part of town and it's everywhere by the way But that that's where you I see it the most where I'm like, whoa

Look at look at like the bus station here like just outside is just never been more mango and candy beings It's so much easier to get Yeah, but can you imagine being like 19 and living, you know, in a terrible place and you're just so poor and you're like, wait, I get to go to a place where I get away with crimes with my boys? Let's go! And you're just like a group of lost boys. Not that they just let you right out of jail when you beat up a cop yeah TV. Yeah We are such suckers. We're such suckers as a nation to let this happen. It's so dumb

It's the dumbest fucking thing it's happening right in front of everybody's face. What do we do? What do we do and none of our elected leaders are doing anything to stop it? Yeah, but weren't they shipping them to like Martha's Vineyard and stuff Well that was Texas. That's our guy our guy's awesome. Yeah, but weren't they shipping them to like Martha's Vineyard and stuff? Well that was Texas that's our guy our guys awesome. Yeah, he ships him He's like okay you guys want fuck you don't want to deal with it You want to let these people in yeah sanctuary cities good. We'll send them to the sanctuary city So just start busting people to New York Yeah, that's he our guy is responsible for what's happening and a lot of what's happening in New York. That's how they got up there Yeah, now the government's flying them places. They're flying them to different cities

You can ask where you want to go they give you money to give you a cell phone and the thing that's really Freaking people out especially people in poor cities in this country like where's that fucking help for us? Yeah, these people housed in the Roosevelt give them three free meals a day Sure, so you give it a money and they can masturbate wherever they want. It's amazing. That's true. Is that real? Anywhere they want? And for a long time, for a long time.

It's happening a lot. For a long time, especially in New York, they would look at you guys down here and go like, you know, what do you, what do you, and then they finally got to experience it. And it's probably, what we experienced is probably just like one-tenth of what you guys have to do being right on the border.

So, no, it was- Well, we're not on the border, but- But I'm saying like Texas, so- But if you're you're down south you know if you're like way down there a border town Yeah, if you're in you know Juarez like right outside of Juarez if you're that's you're real close I mean, yeah coming over. Yeah, it's affecting you. Well. It's a little while because I don't see many kids Yeah, any families coming over here's the thing though for real. It's very dangerous to bring your kids through a fucking migrant stream that's walking into Mexico. So are they coming to work and then send money back?

There's definitely that. But also military-aged men from other countries, including Middle Eastern countries, including China. It's like, that's real too. And it doesn't mean that you're not compassionate for the people that are doing exactly what I would do if I was living in Ecuador And I didn't have any money There was no job opportunities And I knew that I could get into America and I get a job and if I bust in my ass I can make it They would accept me and not only accept me but help me

Yeah, and give me money and you hear from your friends, bro Every time you go across the border, they give you 2,200 bucks. So there's guys on the radio, in Spanish speaking radio in San Diego, telling guys how they went back and forth four times in a month. Yeah.

And then they have the- So they got eight grand in a month. Jesus. Yeah. So they're living nice, just by crossing back and forth and just continuing to do it. Well, did you read the story about the guy I think is from Venezuela? I had to make a move. He's telling people how to get over the border and then squat in houses and

like how you'll just get like you know it's like they won't throw you out of their house it's not like where we're from you can just get in the house and then you can stay there. Yeah, so the lady got arrested for changing the locks on her own home Uh-huh that to me is crazy They're also saying in New York if you're in a house for 30 days you leave that's right. I'm a tenant Yeah, that's right. You get mail sent to the place in your name. It's yours. That is That is do I love this story I think it happened like Seattle or Portland or something this this guy was at every you know March and rally and he was like Big Antifa and communism and he met someone there and the guy was

Like hey, can I crash with you and the guy was like yeah sure so he brought him and his girlfriend and stayed on the couch And after two weeks the guy wouldn't let The homeowner into his own house, and he had to call the police ah which is like against their religion Holy shit is that the best oh my god. That's hilarious I was talking to friends of mine There's like it's like over a thousand squatter situations in Atlanta, and they're like well It's only thousand the population is this big it doesn't really matter. I'm like dude Ten people doing it is alarming

Raising yeah, that means they know how to do it They know the loophole you need to tighten that loophole up you fuck. People are so smart They know how to jock the system a hundred percent especially criminals and yeah fraudsters Which is a type of person who's got I mean you imagine they're filming him. This is my house. Yeah Fuck dude is where I live now and they know that you have to pay them to get out and that's what a lot of homeowners do But the problem is then another person is just gonna jump in when the eviction process is so long and you have to hire a Lawyer you have to go to court Good luck trying to sell the place because you're not there in the house

They'll just squat, but they always hold up like a dirty piece of paper I have a lease and it's just like like a happy face and a house behind it. This guy was explaining how he did it. This guy was explaining how he did it in this YouTube video. He was saying that you get a fake lease. So you draft up a fake lease. You use that lease to get the power, and things turn in your name.

You pay the bill. Like, there's a bunch of different steps that you can do that just seems to indicate that you are the legal resident. And then they have to take you to court. And it could be months and months before you even get a trial. Yep. And where do they stay, the homeowners?

They're fucked. In a migrant hotel? They're fucked. It's so crazy that in the name of protecting tenants, which is important, you don't want a shitty landlord, you want to protect tenants, but in the name of protecting tenants, you're basically allowing people steal people's houses for sure and not just one if Atlanta has a thousand what is the

number of people they're squatting currently Jamie in the United States try Google why don't you ask chat GPT it's not only that they're squatting let's see what that bitch says you see how they abuse the house too like they'll like smear shit on the walls they'll do all kinds of things like sure did so I'm like you really own this mansion well you have a great Dykstra did it and it was his mansion yeah and they were like evicting him and he's like all right I'm gonna take a shit on the floor Yeah, yeah, and then didn't Gretzky buy the house. He bought it from Gretzky

Oh, he's right. Yeah, and then he shit all over it when they were taking away from fuck you not cool That's a different story though. He wasn't a squatter. Yeah, he just went broke. Yeah, that's like when you go to a friend's house You have a party and like that last guy who has nowhere to go, he's like, hey man, you know, we can play a game. This is a different level, your honor. The guys you can't get out of your parties are the worst. That's the main reason why people don't want to have parties. The one guy who won't leave. Yeah, gotta get up early, man.

You know, that's all right. I can barely get people to leave my podcast studio. Especially when they get a little drunk and they just don't get the hints. Yeah, you're like you are drunk. You must leave lights out what? What are you doing? Are you fucking yeah, you fucking tripping bro? Yeah, I was that guy Yeah, I would just curl up on their welcome mat like a cat That's what happened that guy had that kid the Kansas City Chief party and then the guys go outside They're like dude. Can't we just hang a little bit longer? You know, maybe it'll warm up

He's like now you got to go and then they all like first popsicles outside really? Yeah Like wow, how many of them died like it was like four of them. I think Jesus. Yeah They found the bodies like right outside. But it was really a... I'm actually in such a bad hang that you end up freezing to death. Wasn't there like some controversy to that story? They don't know. Yeah. Yeah, the story seems fishy. There's something with, it might have been drugs, it might have just been like, you know, they died somewhere else and he put them out there.

Well, I think there was some controversy with the guy who called it in. Like they didn't, he didn't do it quick enough So I forget what it was they were people started getting suspicious. They were very high though They were very what you know they were drunk and they were just doing powder a bit something like that. Maybe oxys Yeah, that's why they just fell asleep outside. That's okay was chat GBT say as my last update in January 2022 I don't have access to most recent statistics on the number of people squatting in houses in the US squatting is often a complex and under-reported issue that's a government and accurate data can be challenging due to its illegal and unauthorized nature you may need to consult recent studies reports or data from relevant organizations agencies for the month

well this is chat gbd4 chat gbd5. It would be like I know how to get them out Here's your plan I don't know the whole thing in Atlanta about the first article. I pulled up said 1,200 homes Oh, I was all additional investors I don't know like how many of them are people buying houses and never living in them and there's vacant houses everywhere You know what like Airbnb type things There's a bunch of Airbnb's you know that kind of situations going on right now or a bunch of so they might move into the Airbnb And they just stay it could be I know that they're definitely people doing that because this lady videotaped this woman wouldn't leave her place She's like I'm not going nowhere, and you have to keep the lights bitch

This bitch is in my fucking house, and she's fucking beat the shit out of them and then just know you'll be out the next day. The problem is it's already, everyone's aware that this is an issue already by then. So now they've got their eye on you and you can't really just say this person is in my kitchen, they attacked me. You know, you'd have to fight to the death. You have to keep the lights and the heat, all that on as the homeowner. Because if you shut it off, that's like a big red flag. Like you're not allowed to do that. They might not even be allowed to be in the home.

I think a lot of this came in New York City from the till program. Well in the 70s with all the houses and buildings just being completely abandoned and turned to shit. A lot of people were squatting. That's right. Because they were like homeless. So they were like, all right, well we have to figure this out so that we don't have all these people on the street

You know Tom and then we didn't change it. Yeah in the 80s. I remember they they Back I guess that was like a Giuliani thing actually where they were like We got these squatters in these buildings and we want them out You know like in order to repurpose the building you had to get all these people that had already set up Power and all kinds of stuff in the buildings So the cops would go in and then you would just see like a rush of like skinhead looking dudes Flying out through the park and they would like the cop rockers. It was crazy. Yeah, and it was just like they were squatters They were like, you know street kids that were living in these buildings. Yeah

That's when some of the best music came out in New York City Where the fuck do they go? But that's when some of the best music came out in New York City They were all music really a lot in together. Yeah, probably right. Yeah, totally agnostic front and you know Bad brains and everything they were all squatting chromags Makes you legit mm-hmm Yeah, well as a homeowner. That's one of my biggest fears Squatting I'm on the road I come back

that's one of my biggest fears, squatting. I'm on the road, I come back. Someone's in your house. Someone's in my house. Hello David. If it's New York, some lady just, they think this lady got murdered because she went into a house that was her house to clean it up and there were squatters living in there and then they fucking killed her and put her in a bag. Yup. Jesus. They're cutting them up. That's the thing and then there's you know, then the problem is like good luck catching them You know, they're just gonna there's no paperwork on these people

They're just wandering around the street in the city squatters suspected of killing woman in New York City apartment stuffing her body into duffel bag Yeah Victims found squatter in mother's vacant apartment Well horrible sources the tells was killed after she traveled to New York City from Spain to get the apartment ready to be occupied by a family friend. It had been vacant for months after the death of her mother. Police sources say Vittels didn't know when she went to the apartment the two squatters had been living there.

When she arrived, she could be seen on surveillance video coming and going from the apartment police believe the two squatters returned to the apartment after Vittel's arrived surprised and killed her by beating her to death how do these squatters are they all slow like what the fuck are they doing to find these old places from someone someone figures out that there's an apartment that's empty Jesus Jesus oh my god Wow, what a horrible death. Two suspects went to used car dealers after the crash looking to buy a car They remain at large Jesus so they beat her to death and they're at large Video stealing her Lexus from the street out front and fleeing

The car police said sources said was later involved in an accident in Pennsylvania Well, they'll get them when they have to charge when they charge the Lexus They don't make electric cars, oh, sorry Lexus is Japanese is Toyota. Oh, sorry believes in hybrids. Oh Toyota has a different strategy For EVs can you be imagine being a vicious murderer and getting away in a Prius? Yeah, that's the car you want to take People wouldn't unless you have too many stickers on the back

Just a bunch of coexist You're probably really aggressive about your insistence and everyone coexist Wow did you guys see that video that uh? Edward Snowden posted that shows Israel bombing these kids no just walking in Gaza where It's horrible, dude Because they're clearly not armed snow didn't just walking these snowden Yeah, Edward Snowden put it on his Twitter And it's these these young men are just walking down the street and they Yeah, he's still in Russia, right? Yeah. Yes to hide in Russia So these guys are just walking down the street

And this they don't clearly not armed This is like after the bombings and everything these people are probably going back see if their house is there who knows what the fuck? They're doing right what if they thought they were squatters in there whoa Look how quick it happens oh So that guy in the front is running away. Yeah, oh shit I got to get the fuck out of here, and so they zoom in on him Stop running. Oh, they got him too. Oh, yeah Oh, that's come bro the way they do it. I mean there's nothing left to you

They're literally targeting you with a missile yes, you just disappear look at that is it a missile or is it a drone? Well, it's a missile coming from from a drone Probably or I mean it might be coming from somewhere else. I don't know where you know I believe it's a drone. Probably. I mean, it might be coming from somewhere else. Yeah, like a plane. I don't know where. I believe it's a drone though. Isn't that what the contention is? Pretty sure. Wow. Yeah, so they have drones that can do this, which is so insane, dude.

And they're not showing you the bodies because it's just a bloody mess. You know what's so creepy? Have you seen those drone videos in Ukraine and Russia? And it's really good quality, and then they drop the little bomb on the guys, and then they put like Russian techno music over it Yeah, like it's So creepy. It's so creepy. You just see guys hanging out and then they just explode Yeah, well, that's what they say now is that they can see everything at all times

So it's really hard to like use like tactics where like we'll sneak up on them on the you know And then we'll go this way they can't do that anymore It's like those those kind of tactics are old now. What do you do everywhere? Satellites are everywhere satellite ones are everywhere mm-hmm They have silent drones if you see a drone coming you just like why except death these guys think this tarp will help them You know but it's our leg What's that? Oh, so you're to been shot. Here it is.

Oh, my God, dude. It's pretty amazing how they figured that out. Just drop a bomb from a fucking drone and cook everybody. You should be able to hear it, right right if it's a if it's a civilian drone because they make that loud like that buzz And then it's pretty it's like you shoot it down a hundred feet Yeah, they have issues then they also have that like EMT blast on it where they can basically take control of the or

Stop the signal and it'll just land like a perk and call of duty. It's insane Yeah, but I'm sure they probably have ones that avoid that stuff. Mm-hmm I think they just keep getting these things better. How how silent are the drones now? Oh Did you hear about the drones that were hovering over the base that they think are from China and They had been hovering over there for weeks. I didn't read that one. But yeah, I heard it's Updated the balloons. It's a what you call it. What base was that again? Yeah, I'll's it's dated the balloons it's a what you call it what base was that again Jim I'll find it I've got this story somebody sent it to me I saved it but it's it's a scary story because it says for weeks

man I you know I hate to jinx it but it's just like you know these things you can just buy and that the fact that you know luckily no people in this country have used it like like the way they're using it We're really lucky. I mean honestly think about all the situations. Are we lucky or is it just a matter of time? Well evidently whatever they're doing is like you know just think of like New Year's Eve all those different like gatherings You know a game. You know it could be even like a stop giving the enemy I'm trying to connect to our you know Your first responder fan base

Your contractors and whatnot, but I'm sure that's a big keeps them up at night thinking about that stuff You know dude that fucking video is horrible all those videos are the video those guys in Gaza's horrible and go back to sharks How about the well I was gonna say though say the Ukrainians have those drones now that take out the ships, you know, the sea babies they call them. Look at this. Which is just... Mysterious drones swarmed Langley Air Force Base for weeks. For weeks.

The unidentified drones were such an issue that assets were called in from around the government including NASA,D WB 57 high-altitude jet. Wow. So what does it say these things look like? Yeah a dragon. That would be a dope way for China to show. It really flexed. Make a drone that looks like a dragon. Does it say what the description of these things were? That's the f-35 that's what I think a lot of this alien shit is ah Yeah, that's what they're saying now to a lot of it. I think is drone technology that we Don't want admit to we don't know it's out there. Yeah To protect protect operational security we not discuss impacts to operations.

The statement said, we don't discuss our specific force protection measures, but retain the right to protect the installation. Langley continues to monitor our airspace and work with local law enforcement and other federal agencies to ensure the safety of base personnel, facilities, and assets. Does it say- It says here that a UAS, uncrewed aerial system, a number of UASs fluctuated and they arranged in size and configuration.

None of the incursions appear to be exhibit hostile intent. But anything flying in our restricted airspace can pose a threat to flight safety. Interesting. Uncrewed aerial system. It could also test the reaction time. You know what I mean? It's like a drone. Yeah, it must be it must be a drone because That means they're not saying it's a UAP

What is the most sophisticated drone currently available but Google most sophisticated nuclear or most sophisticated Military drone that we know of yeah, just Google that term most sophisticated military drone. That we know of? Yeah, just Google that term. Most sophisticated military drone. A picture of Obama pops up. They have the ones that are like little fighters now. They're like able to do turns that no human could take. Do they have little ones that buzz and have like machine guns on them?

Look at this one. Well that one's, yeah, that's a spy That's cool that can fly for dope days Okay, so here. We got Disalt neuron that is cool With the propeller in the back wow they must be loud as shit though no They have a power plant in them Well, I guess I mean it's a it's an engine I guess this means yeah Rolls Royce engine yeah shout out to

rolls turbocharged that'd be loud right a turbocharged piston engine yeah that'd be loud 450 horsepower that's pretty fast for that little thing it is cool yeah you see the ones with the Ukraine with the boats with it like taking out the Russian Navy that is pretty cool how they did that. Whoa look at that thing. Look at the size of that. That's huge. Holy shit I didn't know they were that big. Look at that. Wow that's a crazy flying robot that I can murder you how nutty is that That's one of those things where it just like flies over It's like every phone call like immediately saps it up, but which one of these have missiles

So some of these must be just spies that one does Hellfires I think yeah, then is you kind of you have to make it so it can have missiles I think they can probably do that's almost any of look at the little one though guys has in his hand Can I play too I'm just annoying Yeah, I guess they wouldn't make one they couldn't shoot a missile the little one just collects gossip They couldn't shoot a missile. The little one just collects gossip Guess he's

Look at that. The missiles just sit go back to that picture you just saw The one you just showed with the missiles in the bottom of it, yeah, that's the classic that's pretty wild Awesome, so it's got two missiles and one of those two things beside the missiles. Bombs. Rocket missiles. Those are two different kinds. Wow. These can probably go really far. They might be guns. Might be defensive. Maybe.

Right. To shut, like, flares and shit. Air to ground. Because they do that when someone's shooting a missile at them. They'll shoot off a flare to detract the heat-seeking missile. And then these are just the ones we know about because there's got to be some shit. Oh yeah yeah for sure Again, that's what I think a lot of that stuff is that people are reporting these you think yeah, that's what I think I think a lot of these things that people are seeing

That they think are UFO is just some super sophisticated propulsion system Some of them are keeping really creepy though like the way they they hover around or fly around like the one They should like one or two from in the Middle East Just like it did look like it was either a UFO or a monster or some kind of like this one that looks like Like a jellyfish, but it's flying around. It's got like stuff hanging. Yeah, like what is that? You know that one's very weird because that one goes in the ocean too that one It goes into the ocean then comes back. I told you last time we looked I looked something like this This thing came out and that is so cool

It says it's a drone and it goes underwater and it goes underwater But it never I couldn't find anywhere that this thing was being sold It was I had like a Kickstarter type program on me ten years ago, right? But here's the problem with this even like pretending that that's real Where what's the propulsion system? That's the it may have not ever been real people no I don't think it's real I think it's a basketball I'm really do look at how the bottom or it's screwed yeah I think that's like a volleyball or a basketball or something I think that's totally fake I think it's because there's no method of propulsion

like you can't just have a basketball that flies Liquid gravity engine shut the fear shape no outside propellers are moving parts, but then it doesn't say how it's like the golf ball I don't know video exactly they use a golf ball as one of them shut the fuck up that thing's fake as fuck It's got one you have to have out you have to have an exhaust Every fucking propulsion system that we know of right now has to have either a fan, like you gotta have a propeller, or you have to have an engine that shoots stuff out the back and makes you go forward, that's it.

So these things that people keep seeing that don't operate like that, that's what makes me think the government has something that doesn't need a traditional combustion engine for a propulsion system. They're not gonna have it on Google. Yeah, they're not gonna tell system. They're not gonna have it on Google. Yeah, they're not gonna tell you. They're not gonna tell you shit.

Yeah. They're not gonna tell you shit. I wouldn't tell them. I wouldn't tell the whole world what we could do. Get the fuck out of here. I just make it better every year to the point where it's basically a UFO. And if you just think about the unlimited amount

of money that they've had, and they've been designing military vehicles and jet engines and fuck, and they've been doing that for decades Yeah, all that time making one thing that no one knows about better and better and better and better flying around area 51 Hmm. I bet there's a lot of those that people are seeing if they're like, oh my god, they were real Just like yeah aliens are real, but it's just us testing but and also I think aliens are real I think I do too yeah in what way I'm hoping they are I really am hoping they are real I really do no I didn't say I didn't ever

say that I didn't believe it I think the things he was just talking about I'm like some of them are secret projects some of them are aliens that's what I'm hoping yeah there is definitely another presence here like in this world or whatever it is You know yeah, and that there has to be something to explain a lot of these sightings which are not Explainable so it's real likely that both things are true Because it just doesn't make any sense with the universe as big as it is that there's no one else out there And if they do develop the ability to go way past where we are yeah They should be able to be invisible that should be easy They should be able to come here anytime they want that should be easy

I do look at a species like ours like that's this intelligent as the human species if we got 1,000, million years more advanced One million years more than who the fuck knows what we can do We're gonna be weird in five years from now five years from now with AI things are gonna be off the chart Yeah, weird so imagine that just keeps going for a million years, which is really possible I mean crocodiles have been around for fucking 65 million years or whatever yeah, it's totally possible Well, do you remember that cab driver in Vegas that told us? This guy's very UFO

Lot of UFO stories this guy. He told it. What was the portal one of the casinos? There's a secret railway under like the MGM Grand and that that's where aliens are coming from area 51 It's like I've never even heard of this theory and it was like no, it's true. Yeah, that's hilarious And yeah, he had a lot of like there's no way 250 humans at one time would want to go to a casino. Yeah, that was a joke at the end joking I don't know if he was driving us or driving away from his ex-wife But we were driving for a long time if I was gonna be an alien I want to abduct some people though. I think Vegas would be a good spot. No one would miss them Yeah, not only that they'd be so confused like I don't know what I think someone spiked my drink

Alien spaceship And in Vegas everything goes like there's always like a new thing to do so that would definitely become like an elect this year You know yeah Yeah, imagine if there was a like an abduction program like you could actually get abducted and instead of like abducting us and just Ruining people's lives. What if we made a deal with the UFOs? Hey listen you guys got it all wrong We're willing to get a good you can take us on board and do People we don't care We're totally willing to be your guinea pig. Oh influencers would try to do that

100% Live-streaming while you're getting your anal probe Yeah, if they really wanted to come and abduct us we would be more than willing to let them You don't really have to force it. What if the aliens are is Technology in terms of how advanced it's gotten in such a short period of time And then the people using it are just basically drones that are using this exposed technology Well, it's possible that that's the future of life The future of life is we integrate with technology and that's the only way because like the biological

Evolutionary process is really slow But the technological evolutionary process is really fast like crazy fast like you can have a whole new thing in a year Whereas I like a whole new species like God. How does it even happen? You know, how does it even happen and then like how does it even happen and then they're like when species are hybrids They're not viable so like some of them aren't some of them are and it's like what? How long does it take to make a human out of a monkey how long does it take to make a monkey out of an amoeba? It's too long If you can integrate with technology then you have an insane ability to adapt.

And then probably you just stop being a person. Probably will realize that once- Well, I think that's already out there. People stop being people. Well, you can't say- It's a little bit. We have a little bit, right? Yeah.

You know the whole send people to Mars? I was looking at how long it takes to get anywhere. It takes about six days, three days to get to the moon, which is doable. That's why the moon is the way to go. Mars is like nine months to a year. But then the other planets, let's say we're in a whatever, at our current ability to travel,

like Jupiter, 25 years. And there's really nothing there except for that Io moon, whatever that is. I'm hoping I'm not seeing it wrong. But the fact that we're not built for outer outer space and yet we keep craving this whole thing when you're right It should be some kind of techno hybrid of a human something that would be able to do that, you know Yeah, and it'll probably if you become a machine Yeah of a person you don't have to worry about being crushed by gravity because you'll have a carbon fiber hull

Mm-hmm, and all your orgasms will happen And then you'll be on radiation all that stuff that this because space is a killer You know it's like you have a bill for that thing and you're taking 25 years to get to Jupiter Well the technology exists to make you not be bored like what are you gonna do for 25 years? They should put you in video games the entire flight. It's gonna be amazing. You've been preparing this for years. Do you know how quick six months of video games that go by on your trip to Mars?

It'll be so quick. You just have a local area network set up, and you and the other astronauts just fucking geeking out all day. Oh shit, they're coming for you. Guard your flank, guard your flank, ah! You're fucking just drinking Mountain Dew, smiling. if you knew that you didn't have any responsibilities other than playing video games You know quick six months could go by that sounds like hell though. You know why not for me all the games

All the games. I mean don't you want to get up and move around maybe not is there if you just put that fucking Mark Zuckerberg headset on you can pretend you're moving around there dick sucking robot That I could oh, definitely. I'm in that's That's probably already here probably there you have that in China. They're probably testing it out right now The the what is it called again the XFM bot or something which is a sex doll But it's whatever you have to I don't know those are coming Yeah, those are car. Yeah, have you seen that robot that like cooks and like sets up your kitchen for you The robot like puts plates away and shit there. I think it's called a wife Yeah, there's a new AI powered chat GPT robot that does simple tasks around the kitchen.

But it communicates with you like a person even says um. It's very weird. Oh, like it's thinking. It goes um. So the reason why I did that is I'm putting these plates away in this rack and you'll dump garbage on the table and say please clean that up. Surely. Look at this.

What? Why you did what you just did while you pick up this trash? On it. So I gave you the apple because it's the only edible item I could provide you with from the table. That is so weird., look at that. What? Yeah. Great. It stands too. Based on the scene right now, where do you think the dishes in front of you go next?

So it's analyzing the image. It's slow right now. The dishes on the table, like that plate and cup, are likely to go into the drying rack next. Why does it sound like it's narrating this American life? It's got a raspy voice. It's like a dude. It is weird.

That really looks like a puppet. It doesn't look like a robot. No, man. It does a lot of other things as well. That's amazing. That is truly amazing. Look how it puts the dish into the drying rack. Does it apologize if it makes a mistake? If it breaks your dick, rips it right off I'm sorry I applied too much force my bad well that eventually have like a skin covering or

will look like that 100% pretty well the apple found its new owner oh she's gone oh the tableware is right where it belongs I call bullshit you don't see that guy's face every time he talks that guy's a ventriloquist Yeah Fucking fraud show it dynamic walking the dynamic walking one is wild

So this thing by the way it doesn't have to have that giant metal plate over its chest but it does if it doesn't want you to kill it. It looks bulletproof. You're gonna have to shoot it in the lens. But look at it walk around and move. Amazing. That's amazing. And this is think about like a Model T and then think about a Tesla. Okay a Model T is slow, chunky. Look at him look at his hips move Sexy, that's crazy in a wild but think about a model t right model t's like big stupid wooden wheels

Yeah, oh my god. This is really not two years. Look at that Yeah, this is that's amazing years ago that it could do this a new American look how agile it is This is Boston Dynamics And so they can do all kinds of things. They can fucking saw wood. They can do construction. They can hop up on boxes. Look at this.

This is before AI, right? Well, they had AI, but they didn't have AI available to everybody. Because now in the future, you look at something like this and go like, this is probably not really happening. This is just. AI is a. This this is probably not really happening. This is just AIs this is real. I've seen this is real Jumps they programmed it to hop around gay that is amazing and they program to toss the stuff up to him This is so much better than a lazy dock worker

You know some guy doesn't like his job and needs a cigarette break this look at that ready to go and if they figure out How to make oh? Yo, it does acrobatics. It's a gymnast. And if they figure out a way to make very small nuclear powered engines, which I think they're already doing. I think there's, isn't there, is it China that has a small nuclear powered power plant?

Yes. So they'll be able to make a nuclear powered power plant that's the size of a fucking cell phone and stuff it in that thing. It'll be able to go for 90 years Holy shit like a battery like a nuclear, but they already have that with where they use it to power like they used to do For spacecraft, but you're right then it would be endless nuclear battery Produces power for 50 years without needing to charge. That's crazy It says its battery could power mobile phones that never need to be charged and drones that can fly forever. Forever. Would you really want a nuclear powered phone though? That's the one thing. Fuck yeah. You would? Yeah I want my balls to glow. I want a third ball. I'm willing to wear like an external case to put the phone in. It's like some sort of a shield from the,

I'm sure the government wouldn't allow these companies to sell it if it was dangerous. So just, let's just let it get out there and let's just, let the pieces fall where they may. Don't be a pussy. Don't you want a robot? I like the robot thing though. You want a robot. We're going to get robot fuck dolls for Shizzee. People are so anti- already they had the um What was that in San Francisco the self self-driving taxi? They lit it on fire that it was like basically like you know like the Amish people

It's like that you know like they attacked it. They destroyed it, but they do that to regular This is again. This is a sampling bias. You got homeless, crazy, fentanyl zombies that are just trying to smash everything. People leave their fucking windows rolled down and their keys. Yeah. Like in Canada, they're telling them to leave their keys outside their, uh, their foyer. They tell them to leave your keys like near the door so that people don't have to like roam through your house. They're trying to steal your car.

Yes. Really? Home evasion. Yes. Jesus Christ. They said, listen listen to make it easier. Just leave the keys outside like what? How about it's a new low stop people from stealing my fucking car? What am I paying in taxes for you fuckheads? It's like clean needle centers or like if you're gonna do the drugs you know it means the clean needle centers are a lot more Reasonable I like that kind of versus plans to allow police robots to kill suspects. Yeah! You need it soon, but this is how bad San Francisco's got that this was a

suggestion. Yep. And they actually have a robot. They're like not yet, not yet. Let's wait till things go really sideways. Are they working on like technology for us to read thoughts? Oh, yeah. What about like learning what our cats are thinking? I want that. Slow down on the tech. You don't about like learning what our cats are thinking I was low down on the your cats are thinking I wish you were small so I could eat you know not my cat my cats I love you when you die the you almost immediately good I want to be one with my cat let's take a piss break because I got a piss too yeah let's Let's pause this bitch right here. What the fuck are you doing, Dave? You're living in 1995. Oh yeah. You know he sends me emails with no body and everything's in the subject?

Yeah. Maybe. Could be, yeah. How long is the subject? It's so long. I forget to see what it is. It's a return, so it's all up there. Yeah.

It's the best. Listen to it. How about the great sound when I'm doing it like Morse code. This is madness. How long does this take for you to accomplish this? I'm done. Same. So you don't have an iPhone at all anymore? I have one too, but this is me off the grid.

Yeah. This is my when shit happens. Right here, I'm ready to go. So what do you use that one for? Like who do you text on that one? No, this one's just like for all my texting. The other one's the other ones for emails wait a minute. This is not on my text on that Yeah, mm-hmm, so when I text you you text me on that do that. Can't you feel it? Yeah? Hold that's like ten spaces in between words

That is so I'm sending you a text right now. I want to see what happens that is so insane I'm sending you a text right now, I wanna see what happens. That is so insane. This is good. Oh my god, yeah, it comes up green. Just wait, wait for the sound Dave. You texting or you calling? I'm texting you, tell me about your upcoming weekend at the mothership. Might take a while.

Yeah. Now, it doesn't have voice to text either, does it? No. If it did, I wouldn't do that anyhow. Really? I'm like super paranoid with the web and everything, so this is like... But yet you have an iPhone. I do, but you know, that's what you would call it, bait and switch.

Okay, let's see if I get it. Did you get it yet? I did, no. Okay. see if I get it did you get it yet I did no okay I didn't get to make the sound your name isn't they always make sounds every time you text a button it makes a sound yeah that doesn't drive you really annoys people too yeah so it takes you in four presses to get an ass still you're doing that thing yeah you got to really want it that is so I can't even find your thing yet it'll take me days remember when people started using you like the letter you yeah instead of while you because of

that yeah I'm safer just a little time saver hmm it doesn't even have emojis on it like any emoji is like he still uses emoticons like a colon and a parentheses or sometimes to for a smiley face Well, are you guys done with this tech beat down? Like I'm a tech hoarder come out of the house buddy, come on we love you. How long have you been flip phone? I Never I have one in my house, which I'm sure is worth a lot of money because it has the antenna on it. So that's like my retirement plan. I'm gonna sell that to a museum or some collector or something like that. It's got that little like, and I'm like, man, I can't believe like we actually used to think this did something like that.

Yeah. Oh, I can't really hear you. Hold on a second. Hold on. Yeah. Okay, now it's up. I can hear you too clear. Let me put it down just a little bit. I think it probably did a little something. Yeah, but you had one of these. Yeah, actually that reminds me of a story about you

Bill Blumenreif, you know what he said to me He goes, you know back in the day one of the comics who always worked was Joe and you know why I go Why he goes he had a cell phone before anybody else So whenever there was a fallout, I would call Joe, Joe was there. Joe wanted it and I was like, wow. So it was like a cool story about like just as we went from like, you know, calling someone on a landline to like a cell phone and that you were ahead of the game.

This is like 89. Easy. I had one in my car. No way. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how it was for the young comics. You know, having a car was a good thing. You know what I'm saying? Oh my God, you needed a car to get around. you didn't have a car you're not getting the gigs

you had a you have someone drive you to gigs yeah that didn't happen because like I could get a call from bloom right like hey someone just got sick that was it yeah in two hours gig in New Hampshire can you make it like I'm on my way that's awesome yeah cuz you wanted it yeah and he would tell me over the phone okay you're gonna take the 405 So I had these pieces of paper that were like, you know dicks chuckle fuck and Whether the place was because dick darty had a bunch of them dick darty like the comedy hut and all these different comedies the comedy vault

That's awesome. That Boston scene must have been like, because you know, talking about New York, like you know, starting out, I always felt like there was definitely more rooms, like more open mics and stuff like that. But Boston, like you kind of like, there were paying gigs if you could do them, you know, if you could headline. And there were so many local great headliners

that like, you really like, swimming with sharks basically. I mean, it was like so many guys that could just like, basically, you know, knock, blow you off the stage at any minute, you know, and they would do it to people on purpose They did it to me. I know that with it at Nick's they do it Oh, they would just come like the hooky lau or something like that Like you don't mind if I do a little time and there was like 40 minutes of solid, you know every Every Boston thing they could throw at me and then I'm up there with my like, you know, you know little people jokes

Go home, you know screaming at you they did it on purpose to people for sure and we deserved it too, by the way Well, they had an attitude about the rest of the world when it came to comedy They felt like the best comics were in Boston But they all stayed in Boston and whenever guys would come out of from out of town that were like headliners like national headliners They would roast that guy. Oh for sure they would throw him after Don Gavin and Steve Sweeney and Kevin Knox and Fuck it was it was such a wake up, but even the clouds themselves like very You know very like, you you know you better prove it Oh, yeah, be up there if you're the closer you better be the best guy here, you know also there was so

many Fucking headliners that they were just so used to a very high level of headliner Yeah, these guys were killers you just pull out a comb to do your fucking mustache. Yes. I was hoping you were making eye contact with Dave How often do you comb your mustache a fair amount Whenever I feel the need Do you have a specific mustache comb or just use any old? I just got one from Walgreens or whatever I've seen them little tiny ones They have a little tiny I don't like them that the teeth are too sharp, and it hurts my little face

That makes me a nice soft plastic one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah old school. You got to sometimes shickets in there You know trimmed it up today Don't want any loose hairs. I get it. I get it before I was bald. I used to enjoy running a comb through my head. It's a nice little scalp massage. Uh huh. Now I'm afraid my hair will fall out so I can't do it. And looking at the demise in your comb. Oh no. Oh no. I started going bald when I was like 18. Really? Crazy, yeah.

What was that like? Lonely. This is a kid in my high school that was going bald at 15 and everybody called him Baldy. Oh God, that was his nickname bald. That's horrific kids were brutal. They were they were fucking brutal in the 80s They were brutal in the 90s and 2000s a brutal right now. Yeah, they're beyond brutal I think now this is just heartless what they're doing. You know yeah, that's like I Don't know, but we didn't have that web to like you know everything you guys wait everything yeah And then also I get the clicks every time getting their ass kicked someone's filming it. Thank God that didn't exist

Imagine how many dick pics you'd have out there in the world. Oh, oh Be in trouble. Yeah, this kids today. Yeah These kids today teachers and students Mm-hmm Yeah, that's wild teachers always fuck students. It was always like teachers fucking students. Mm-hmm Yeah, but we didn't find out about it till later Like did you hear someone so used to fuck mr. Blah blah there's always the like very advanced Senior it was yeah banging a Spanish teacher Rolling is ours. It's funny like that's like professors and universities that was kind of understood that was part of the gig

That was yeah Why I used to be a teacher and they're like never ever be in a room with the door shut You leave the door open all the time never alone with anyone. I was like, yeah, this is fucking nuts Yeah, and I see some of the shit with what teachers share in the internet with them and like students I'm like, this is such a violation of boundaries. It's crazy What do you know the homeschooling seems way better now like I was like those teachers fuck their kids Seems like a better option for everything You know so I was like hey homeschool you must be weird now. It's like I guess you're just being safe

You know yeah, you know why you get indoctrinated either. Hmm. What do you think of college now? Do you think it's a waste of time? Yes, well to play it clearly depends on what you want to do if you want to be a computer coder good fucking luck Mm-hmm AI is gonna take over all that there's there's so many jobs are gonna vanish That's true five years But it's also like it's such a rude cruel thing to do to an 18 year old kid that has no fucking idea what they want To do for their life. Yes, and you force them into debt decide now and you force them into a debt That's insanely difficult to get out of Hmm. It's way harder than just getting going bankrupt

It's it's hard to get out of that debt you're like I got in trouble when I was teaching because I told them all my students I'm like take the test to go to school, but pick up a trade go to trade school and start making money It's like the smart thing to do well if that's what you want to do But you know it depends on what you're trying to do with your life I mean somebody might be a journalist you should probably go to school Yeah, but if you don't know what you want to do what what you do You know I guess that's what it is go out and get a job and know you can always go to college later You know yeah, but you won't yeah, you're working peer pressure. Yeah, also your family's pressure

Oh, yeah, when you're young like you have that window where you can kind of like take wild chances From like 18 to like 24 25. Don't you like 25? I was like hey get your fucking shit together, you know Maybe even earlier than that if you're in the Northeast But if you are you know already in a job and you work in eight hours a day, you're fucking tired Yeah, the odds you're gonna quit that and stop making money. Yeah, go to school. Those aren't so high I think it's harder on you know, not to be the old guy, but like I'll this generation is taught that they're Exceptional and then everything they do is like important

Whereas I think when I was growing up it was like no nothing You do is really that important and that you're also gonna have to like kind of work your way up in something I think a lot of them see their peers, they went to college, they dropped out, they started a company, or they're an influencer with a million followers. So they see success differently than we do. And for me it was like,

yeah, you gotta work your way up, or it's really about how much you want it, that kind of thing. Whereas now I feel like there really is no game Plan it's really you know it's kind of like you know you're almost like a sucker if you kind of play the game You know also fame is like much more attainable Yeah to regular people now than ever before yeah You know especially if you're willing to do stupid things like pull pranks on people or you know

There's so many different things that people can do now that can get them attention. And they're doing that as a source of a career. Yeah, but why, as a teacher, how can you make your kids do work when they're like, no, I'm just gonna be a YouTuber. I have more followers than you, like shut up. But the whole idea of fame is like,

when I was growing up, it's like, you don't wanna be famous, that's like for, you know, like whatever, that's not cool. be famous. That's like for you know, like whatever That's like that's not cool. You know, you want to be you know, something like rough You know, you want to be like a what like a lumberjack or something, you know Like now these kids even at young ages to like fame is where it's at That's where you get everything you want people actually listen to you and they you know, give you everything you want So it's like amazing. They've never worked a day in the life yet They already know they don't want to work. You know I saw the creepiest thing my friend's

Daughter took her phone and recorded her five years old and into the camera She just kept going don't forget to like and subscribe don't like and subscribe Watch my videos don't forget to light and I was like dude This is that's an alien that you're being trained to be an alien not the kids choice And you're exposing the kid of the world yeah, oh world. It's it's dangerous. It's not smart. It's stupid It's irresponsible. Yeah, we're just like that that video we watch with the drone like psychically We're not supposed to see that Well, you're definitely not supposed to see people get blown well

Yeah, but even even just now like we yes these things happen, but we shouldn't be Aware of it and inundated with it every single day and every single second right But that's the only way you find out about it to put pressure on people to stop it Because if it doesn't leak like Edward Snowden doesn't put it out there and a bunch of people don't retweet it and get outraged by It then it doesn't put pressure on the politician is that gonna stop it Are they gonna stuff stuff like that can change things yeah stuff like that changes people's minds stuff like that changes people's understanding What's actually going on because you keep hearing? Oh, no, it's the people that are dying. It's only Hamas Uses human shields. Well clearly that was not a human shield. Yeah, and clearly those people weren't

Endangering anybody and they didn't look like they were armed and they just blew him apart Do you think the people making money off of this? Like do you think they really even care? They're gonna keep going they're gonna care because the people are gonna care because there's massive public outrage from things like this and the more things like this happen the less support you get for military budgets and Then you put pressure on the politicians that are voting for these things. And then, you know, all that stuff works. It really does have an impact because they don't want people to be so outraged that they revolt. They don't want people to pull a blood light on the whole government. Yeah, you know, because

people are trying to figure out a way to do that. There's a lot of people that are trying to figure out a way to put a stop to all this shit. So the more things like this come up, it's fuel for those people. Yeah, but the majority of people don't digest news like we do in an endless cycle and have time to really think about it. Because I think that a lot of people I know of,

they're really smart people. They just turn the the news off they want rather live in their own bubble that the news really makes them anxious and really makes them and I'm like well you got to know what's going on in the world right and then they kind of hit you with that whole thing of like you know they're telling you different like you know everyone has a narrative and all that kind of story but I'm also like you know living in your own world is not the way to go either because like when you do have to venture out Of that bubble. It's it's terrifying I think especially like if you don't know what's going on, right?

If you don't like there's some new thing that's happening some new crisis. You don't know you just walk right into it I mean, yeah, it's like as like, you know, I'm like curious like I'm just like I'd like to see all sides of something But not to make it political or anything that I think a lot of these people just decide to like, you know what, it's not for me. I'd rather kind of like work on my own, you know, some of it's mental health. A lot of this stuff really shakes people to the core when they finally have to deal with it.

So, you know, that's a reason why like board games are still around, because people love the idea that you can disconnect from the world. And like you're in like your own little World where you get to be God and here's the rules of it and stuff like that So, you know, there's something to that puzzles, you know, that's why Hello Believe to me

For sure people like puzzles no people people want to disconnect that's like we're in that business people want to get out get away from their problems You know fuck yeah, and I think people deserve to 100% But also like if you're poor and you're barely making ends meet like you don't have time to worry about what's going on over here Like sure you can be informed, but it's so hard to be informed and not let it take a toll on you Well, that's why the great luxury is the people that go out, please don't do that. Oh no, I wanted to see if your message came. The great luxury, I'm just gonna text somebody

with that fucking goofy thing. The great luxury of rich privileged kids is becoming an activist. Yeah, that's right. Those are the ones that are splashing paint on the Mona Lisa and gluing themselves to walls., are all kids from privileged backgrounds who feel guilty and they have this Insane view that you're just gonna stop oil now and the way to do is to glue yourself to them the Mona Lisa But that's been going around since you know the 70s. There was a lot of rich kids that were involved of course

It's always rich kids Yeah Because those are the kids that have the luxury of being able to go out and protest and do stuff I think it's like inherent guilt to like God. I feel so bad. What can I do 100% especially today? Yeah, you're being told that just by virtue of the color your skin your colonizer Yeah, you're responsible for everything and there's people like some of these people that are in these Protests they haven't thought shit out at all. So they get confronted by influencers, right? And they ask them like real simple questions to get them riled up.

Like, what do you think we should do? We need to like, give it to this country. Capitalism. You don't understand. We're trying to dissolve the country. Get away from the capitals. Get away from the capital. Like, what?

Dude, I saw the best thing. I went to a rally, like a no, a protest. And it was it was during the summer of 2020. And, you know, everyone's like marching and everything. And I want to go check it out. And this this girl was wearing like an A cab shirt and chanting like NYPD, racist police. And a cop was like, excuse me, miss, you can't stand here, and she goes oh my god

I'm so sorry Shifting and then started protesting again. I lost all the credit fucker. What the fuck? Sure that wasn't a skit That sounds like a skit. I saw it with my own eyes. Oh must be real. Yeah, there's no way it could be fake Yes, it was not fake Oh you saw it. You saw it. No I was there. You were right there. Next to me. Next to me. That wasn't a crisis actor Cuz that sounds like if I saw that one on Instagram, I'd be like come on Oh, no, no, no, I was there like it happened right next to me and I was with my buddy

We just started laughing. How dumb is that? Yeah And then I was I was in Central Park for one and I swear to God this guy to sign and this Super hot fucking girl went up to him and goes can I borrow your sign? Grabbed it turned around took a picture gave it back and left. Yeah Model it was stolen our young guy just trying to trust anything today anything guy just trying to trust anything today. Oh. Anything. Especially. You're 20. Hot pussy. Well what about, why are you always at these protests and you're not in them? Is that like the guy who goes to see the fires? Like a wannabe fireman? Like I like to just go and

see the fires. I am a wannabe fireman. I love firefighters. Good job guys. Yeah. Oh you used to halogen bar? Good work Talies. Oh yeah. You know the stats. Oh yeah. I was a volunteer firefighter in high school. I loved it. We really in high school Yeah before 9-eleven Wow yeah fighting fires. It's a great gig What if you're not fighting fires? It's a great gig to be a fireman Yeah, but I don't have to fight the fires right. Oh, yeah life and go into a burning building Well, I was in the firehouse you're watching movies

Yeah, life and go into a burning building. Well. I was you're in the firehouse you're watching movies Always in the pool room playing pool so I could slide down the pole and everybody beat me running down the stairs, but I didn't care Yeah, I did it from like 16 or whatever day to 18 and I was a junior firefighter, so I wasn't allowed to fight fires in the interior I could just do it from the exterior and then we would go we were like the bitches We had to go and clean everything up and clean the trucks And then I fought a car fire once at 2 a.m Because I live close to the house so you could hear the sirens I showed up and was meeting two other guys was all volunteer and they let me fight the fire myself

And I was so nervous I didn't strap my helmet on and I like pop the hood my helmet falls off and and I left the hose running It was like a it was like a Charlie Chappell movie. It was hard. It was hard. It was so embarrassing. They're just in the truck laughing like sorry fellas That's one of my fears the car fire. I mean, that's a horrible death. Yeah One of the worst ones I've ever heard is Not watching it is cool, but. One of the worst ones I've ever heard is Northern California, the wildfires. It swarmed the highway. Oh yeah.

Killed everybody in their cars. Trapped bumper to bumper. Can't get away. That's like hell on earth when they have the family driving, like trying to drive to safety and you just see all that sparks and all that. Oh, fuck man. Dude, I've been evacuated three times living in California.

No shit. Yeah, fire burned two houses in front of my house Yeah, and what do you do like are you out there with a whole like are you like what what's the move the fuck you got out? Right. What do you grab? Nothing grab the laptop grab the laptop and some clothes Mike can get everything else And fuck this place and do they have a day alive? That's what it's like man when you see it when you see like And do they have a live that's what it's like man when you see it when you see like

Everything over the horizon is fire. Yeah, I mean from the left to the right everything coming over the hills is fire That's crazy, and it's just a gnolfing buildings You're seeing your neighbor's house on fire you just get the fuck out while you can and What I haven't so they just did supposedly they have enough rain now for like till 2025 in California that the same like this should help like both the consumption and also with all that snow up in the northern California that it should like be like if there's a forest fire now what is that like let's see this doesn't matter doesn't matter it doesn't matter if you have a wildfire like they had where those people died on the highway

Those things are so big you can't even comprehend it. It's it's so hot. There's so much fire It's literally thousands and thousands of acres around you are just engulfed in flames And it's moving at like 20 miles an hour like you There's nothing happening that you're gonna do with water Okay, the other problem with getting a lot of rainfall is you get a lot of growth So you get a lot of grasses while grasses grow and they they're very tall and then they dry out because it stops raining It always fucking does and everything turns brown and as soon as things get hot and everything turns brown and stops raining That's when fire season happens and it's a lot of it is fucking idiots throwing cigarettes out the window Sorry a lot of it is people that are camping homeless people and gender reveals

The fireworks at the gender reveal everybody loses their house How about how about like those guys the smokejumpers whatever the people that do that that's a balls gig but they didn't have that in Hawaii they had nothing like that there like when that town went up you know it was all made of bamboo I mean it was crazy oh you mean in Maui Maui things crazy yeah now he was power lines downed oh that was it wasn't response time terrible it was non-existent yeah they never had anything like that happen there Yeah

But there was also a lot of problems like the people didn't want to release the water because the water is owned like this water Right so no water was going to the rich neighborhoods where the golf courses are So it's like I'm trying to get water and then there's also like how the fuck do you have a place? That's this windy where you still have exposed power lines That seems insane man That seems insane like every time those things fall down and you didn't clean up any of the brush around it It was a conspiracy that they were trying to get it out of there so they could sell the land yes the crazy Conspiracy is the direct energy weapons conspiracy people

Bro the real tin foil I had to do is the little corner, yeah. Like, what do you think about the director and energy weapon in Maui? Was that like a heart attack gun for fires? There's apparently, the government has the ability, according to the conspiracy theorists, and maybe even some real people, of having these things that they call direct energy weapons.

So it's almost like a laser beam. And I know that these are things that they call direct energy weapons. So it's almost like a laser beam. And I know that these are things that they're working on. I know these are things that are probably top secret because it's always been discussed. There's been studies on how to do it, and there's been papers written on it. So the conspiracy theory is that they lit those houses on fire on purpose with direct energy weapons.

And if you had a blue house like a with a blue ceiling That the blue ceiling would somehow Reflect against this energy weapon and stop your house from burning. No way. Oh, yeah, not only that but they use because Biden did some speech and in his you know Old kind of senile way he was talking about some houses survived because they had the right roof and everybody's like see Yeah, so conspiracy theorists like literally painting their roofs blue to protect them from direct energy weapons Jamie please Google this no way this might have been one of those things that 4chan started for a fuck And then people ran with it who knows or it might be just people that

are either imagine your house burning up because like your wife or partner was like no don't paint it blue operation green roof that's a thing but no way part of the conspiracy what does that mean what is operation one post on a thing about getting people blue tarps to cover their roofs. That's not the same thing as what? The tent cities. Allegedly. But the, okay, social media posts sharing the post typically include a video from a TikTok account that often shares clips of everyday items being burned by a hand-held

industrial laser in a workshop. The clip shows a laser burning yellow red and green fabric while a blue swatch is unscathed With tech saying it can be programmed for different wavelengths Wow, so some lasers don't work on blue ceilings and these people think that it's the the blue roof It'll protect you someone said everything that's blue survived including t-shirts a blue car and some blue beach umbrellas around Front Street along the waterfront were not destroyed in the Inferno. And the Blue Man Group. They were playing in town. They were doing a road gig.

That is really stretching it, if you ask me. Yeah, they're going hard on this. This is too much. DEW stands for Direct Energy Weapons, which use technology technology like high energy lasers instead of projectiles like bullets. These videos are not evidence that they have anything to do with the wildfires. To start with they show, what is the videos are saying? A handful of blue items in the fires aftermath, but other footage and photos show these were hardly the only things left standing. So but the thing about the the direct energy weapon

Is there videos of those things being used like is there like a is a direct energy weapon a real thing like 100% Yeah, so when you I mean, that's I think it's true. It's like what you said lasers So there's like videos of the US government talking about direct energy weapons in very broad terms. It's only like 15 bucks a shot. But they don't. It's true. No, they were saying that this will be the best way to shoot down missiles and drones.

High energy lasers and high powered microwaves. Boom. So they just shot that thing? Nice. Almost looks like the drone video. Nice. So they just shot that out of the sky? But it's coming from a boat onto a boat, that's I don't know

And so what is it? Lovely typing type. No, isn't that idea? He's an Asian guy. It'd be an airborne Ranger the computer guy We only let Asians and Is D I does it show what is that video at the bottom? Why the US military is investing billions in 10 minutes? So what is that video at the bottom? Why the US military is investing billions in directed edge? It's a 10 minute video. Well yeah. And it's not right there.

I guarantee. That's cool. They do it because they know how to do it. But by the time they're telling you they're investing billions, they probably already invested billions. Sure. They probably figure out. There was a video. Video claiming, hold on.

There it is. Claiming to show a directed energy weapon is actually an edited clip of an explosion in Russia Man this stuff is there was a video of What looked like a laser coming out of the sky? Yeah, I saw that and like during a storm somebody explained that that's that's cell phone video cameras like glitching under the intense exposure of like a lightning bolt

glitching under the intense exposure of like a lightning bolt. Oh. Like it's something that light flashes and it creates like a distortion in some cell phones. I don't know if that's true though. That was just the explanation that someone had. So it's a natural thing. It's not. Would that look like?

Show that again. I don't know what I was even looking at. That lady, that video that you just showed. No, I know, but I'm trying to, I don't know what the hell they're showing because I can't hear the sound. It's showing all sorts of stuff. They're talking about Whoa just images that were going viral during it some of them are real some of them are not good or smiling See like right there for instance That's a controlled burn at a Canton refinery in Ohio and because of that light going to the sky right

I want things to everybody thinks the rainbow mmm There's no one is that one SpaceX launch oh the sky right Rainbow That's interesting that people are doing that But that's people some people are under their fucking minds There's a thing that happened though on Twitter too I like I feel like this doesn't get talked about sometimes people are trying to get engagement money because if you build up an account That can get engagement doesn't matter if it's good engagement, bad engagement, you just gotta get the numbers. You can start getting revenue.

So people are reposting real old viral videos, confusing people with shitposts like this, just to build up the five million views of this virus. Here's the real conspiracy about the fires. They haven't done any rebuilding. Those people, they weren't allowed to have insurance inspectors go in there. I don't know if they can now. That people still had to pay their mortgage on those things.

Oh, jeez. And the thing is, it's like, if you're getting to this point where you don't have anything, and you can't rebuild your house, and you're fucked, and then they come along and offer you a payment or something, or you get foreclosed on because you haven't paid your mortgage. And then the banks own it. And then whoever the fuck is the developer owns it. And then whatever they want to do for the better good of Maui, they build there.

And then these people lose everything. This is what's really scary about it. It's because like the way it's being handled is not like you're handling victims of a natural disaster that's horrific and took more lives than any wildfire in the history of this country. You're doing it like you are trying to figure out a way to take that from those people. You're not doing it like you're trying to support those people and build it back. You're doing it like if you know what's really going on, you're not asking for financial aid for these people to deal with their mortgages And you're not asking for aid from the government in one of those giant Ukraine bills

It would take five billion dollars right wasn't that what the money was five billion to rebuild all those houses That that's a drop in the bucket to what they're spending yeah in Ukraine Yeah And there's no consideration at all to do something for these fucking people That seems like you don't want to do anything they declared an emergency. I know when it happened like a Federal like that usually means they can activate all federal funds and those people got a one-time payment of 700 bucks Outtime payment didn't we get more for stimulus checks? Yeah, that's an outrage. One time payment. Didn't we get more for stimulus checks? Yeah. That's an outrage then. Yeah.

Dude, well, fucking FEMA, when Hurricane Katrina hit, I went down to help clean up and rebuild homes and stuff, and they sent us to Foley, Alabama because they still didn't get relief from Hurricane Ivan like years prior. Wow. Geez. So there were still homes that's roofs blown off from Hurricane Ivan.

Geez. So did they tell them we're gonna send out some high school firemen Don't don't hang up the phone We're sending some kids don't let them go to your strip. They're not popular in high school, but they want to be firemen They have all the weekend open they don't have dates or friends open they don't have dates or friends I know who that is, I'm here to help you better get a shovel for me I don't know what the fuck I'm doing

that's amazing that's what I like I know a guy who just took the MTA test and now he's an MTA guy you know that's the guy who drives the trains in the subways so I'm like I wonder what kind of training they give them now because it's more than just driving a train. It's gotta be like, you know, you gotta make a choice now. All right. Do you pull to the station or do you hit the,

hit the homeless man who's on the tracks? Like, what do you do? You know, like all kinds of hypotheticals. How many times the homeless people get got down there? There's so much going on in that station. Like, not even homeless people. How many people get pushed by homeless people? Yeah. Someone was pushed. She had both of her feet amputated, cut right off.

Oh, and the videos are the best because the people videotaping it aren't upset about the loss of human life. They're upset because they're late to work. They're late, yeah. They're like, I got somewhere to be. Yeah. So crazy.

So crazy. The pushing people onto the tracks things is fucking terrifying. I think that's new, if you ask me. That's something that's only the last couple of years. Maybe. But also it's just so scary because it's random. At like 8 a.m. at a popular station.

You know, 3.30 on the work commute. And do you know how much that's gonna ramp up with people coming in from everywhere around the world and not having any jobs that were promised to them and being angry at everybody and knowing they can get away with Crime and already being a murderer already committing murder in your country and you got away with it And I hear your heart America and also you're doing fentanyl multiple

And multiple people that are doing the pushings have been Locked up so many times in their family like this person is sick Yeah, we've tried we've dropped them off at a hospital and they keep getting released have been locked up so many times in their family. Like this person is sick. We've dropped them off at a hospital and they keep getting released. We don't know what to do. But what can you do really? But what can't the government do?

Use all those lasers. How come they don't, I mean, this is after the Reagan administration. They put all the nutty people off the street. Well, Horralder Rivera was the guy who took that, you know, he did that documentary on Creed. Where was it? Like it was this?

Al Capone's Vault? It was like one of those, but he went to like an asylum, an asylum and he just saw people laying in their own filth and just how horrible it was. And that was the beginning of the, basically the defund these psychiatric hospitals where through medication they were allowed to release them into society and that's where people now now like we really could use in a silent

right now and then incentivize workers with high pay to have smart people with compassion working there not just bottom of the barrel that's a tough yeah that's the Willowbrook yeah this is really this is talk about something that's hard to why is this thing here man landmark investigation of Staten Island's Willowbrook State School, an institution for the developmentally disabled. It's terrible. This expose forever changed the face of mental health. Ugh. My alma mater.

But that's the fucking horrible thing about people when they can get away with doing things. When no one's like a roller of air or somebody else is like breathing down their neck trying to find out what the fuck is going on. That's institutionalized, yeah. Ugh. But that's what people did back then they put them in these places get them off the streets Yeah, you know and now people are looking at it going like you know, maybe that's a good idea You know I used to work at a at a sober living house and one of the kids was like severely autistic and his family Would just send him to different rehabs and sober living houses because he was so difficult to deal with and would just say he had a problem with marijuana And then the kid learned how to smoke crack From people in the houses. Yeah, he ended up dying in a crack house. It's like the saddest thing ever. Oh, wow. Yeah

I don't know if that's the saddest thing ever What? This poor kid was that sadder than those guys getting drone bombed? Well, it's... Imagine living in Gaza, you're just fucked. You're just already fucked. Yeah. And you're just like going, oh my god, let's walk back and see if there's anything there. Yeah, but imagine... And the Israeli army is targeting you. Yeah, but imagine going to a crack house thinking you're gonna color with some guy and he ends up killing you. Yeah, that's not good either. I don't know if it's the saddest thing.

It's definitely sad. It's parallel sad. But the sober living house, how does that work? It's all sad. Yeah, what do you mean? I've only seen it on that show with Dr. Drew, the sober living house. What is it like?

Have you lived in one? Yeah. What's it like? You have chores. Well, I lived in a three-quarter house, an Oxford house in Delaware. And so it was self-run so we had we had everyone had a role like a comptroller or treasurer or chore coordinator or president of the house and we kept each other accountable but sober living house like a halfway house you

have house managers and clinical assistants and everything that basically like babysit you and take you and you have to have a job besides working there Right living there. You have to have a job. Yeah, you help them get jobs and everything and then I Yeah, and then I got fired for drinking That's like the first first rule They give you a warning or is this one time? Oh out out? Yeah, and I they didn't catch me I came to them It was like I fucked up

I was on the road and I took a two-week bender and it was bad and I came back and got fired Well, wow, so were you clean when you came back? To the house. Yeah Are we still a little drunk? No, I mean like I hadn't drank yet that day, but I'd like to go cocked Yeah, yeah, yeah So did you just stand in you once you were fired? Did you just get in your car and get reloaded in front of the house? I love that expression. I went to get cocked That's a great fucking drunk expression. Oh, yeah getting cocked. Yeah, that's what I know a guy who was in a rehab and that

He told me we were like looking out the window and he told me guys you see all those cars over there Those are all drug dealers. They're just waiting for some guy to go I've had it and they'll come out no and they'll like immediately sell them drugs and it was like It was kind of like the shark circle in the shark cage Yeah, I kind of like they're just out there like and I'm like wow that shouldn't be allowed You know like I'm like an idiot. You know you shouldn't be there Yeah, celebrate they're like yeah, oh Nice day

Like the slither snake. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they don't want to lose a customer That's the best way to get him back when they're vulnerable. Oh for sure right now Well that dude back to that book dreamland it talks about these these Mexicans from naira bringing black tar heroin to America and how it Exploded was because of their customer service Yeah, they would they had a paging system. They had cell phones They would give addicts extra and be like, hey, it's on the house, you're a good customer. And then when they didn't hear from them for awhile,

since they had their numbers, they'd call them, be like, how are you? Do you wanna meet up? We have some new heroin, if you wanna try it out. Yeah, man, I do. Yeah. I do, like you're on a tipping point, you're at home in the kitchen, bored,

drinking coffee. You caught him at the right time. You know what, Jose, I'll see see in five minutes. Yeah, let's go Way worse doesn't call you are you hungry? Fuck I would like a pizza Yeah, oh you guys are the best I'm a little short on funds right now. Yeah, don't worry about it Ian and there I'm a little short on funds right now. Don't worry about it, Ian.

And there is your friend. Their number one export that they would use all their money, the drug dealers was Levi's 501 jeans, and they would bring it back to their families and that would show everyone in Nairat like, wow, we have money now. They would raid these places and the closets would be stacked,

Florida's dealing with jeans. Really? Yeah. With an iron crease in them. I was always like, man, why do they do that? It's never going to be slacks, it's jeans. They're like, no, that's how we like it. Yeah. Who's their sign of opulence? Yeah. A nice pair of jeans. Well, you ever go to like Houston, they always have like the Tex-Mex cowboy bar, like where you're not really supposed to go in there, it's for other people.

And like those guys are dressed up, you know, they got their jeans ironed, they got the big 10 gallon on, you know, it's like a big night out. And I'm always like, man, good for these guys, man. And then of course, there's some kind of shots fired in the parking lot, something terrible happens. But you know, you're like, they're cowboys,

you know, of course. Legit cowboys. Yeah, you know, it's unforgiven here. There's some issue, you know, of course. Legit cowboys. Yeah, you know, this is, you know, unforgiven here. There's some issue, you know, some of the cows. Something about the Cattle fight. Grazing rights or something. Those are cool towns though.

The, you know, you don't get that much anymore. Everything looks the same. Yeah. You know, all these towns are the same now. There's no late night food. No, nowhere. Well, actually, I think this might be a city still have it.

No. Well, we just have pizza. Is deli still open? Yeah. It's like thirty five dollars for not all night. If you want a Vegas strawberry sandwich at four in the morning, you should be willing to pay thirty five

dollars. I'd be willing to pay, but it's not open. It's like Vegas, we were just in Vegas. That has like late night food in it. It's pretty good. What was that place you took to? Oh, oh, oh, Ping Pong Pong. That's a real place. The Chinese food.

It's open real late. It's like 24 hours. Yeah. Oh wow. And you think, the people who work there are angels because they look exhausted. I mean, you're in a casino working at a Chinese food, like it's's everything you would think but then you're like, hey, this food is really good I can't believe the best Chinese I've ever had really. Yeah, I got their chopsticks logo tattooed on me And there's a restaurant inside

Encore at the wind the wind hotel the wind has like a at the Wynn, the Wynn Hotel. The Wynn has like a Michelin star Chinese restaurant in it. I think it's the only restaurant, the only Chinese restaurant in the country, I think that has a Michelin star. Or one of the only ones. It's incredible.

What is that place called, Jamie? It's incredible. It's like, what is it called? Wing Lee? Wing Lay? Wing Lay, yeah, or Wing Lee. Vegas? L-E-I lay yeah, or wingly they Mean they don't help is they sound really racist when I'm naming my favorite Chinese restaurant Yeah Well, what is Chinese restaurant in America to earn a Michelin star?

Whoa, but those are normal hours like that's not that's like a restaurant. It's a real restaurant You have to dress nice to like you can't wear like a well woke fried main lobster, dude It sounds so good walk fry We ask its permission you've taken me What was gonna say? Yeah, there it is. I'm impressed with Vegas. I mean Vegas has really turned the corner Oh Vegas is a different place and it's a total different. You see it too, right? It's like also Vegas became much more about entertainment than just about sure and also like the the sphere is a good example of like

What is possible like I'm sure that's just the beginning of it, you know Yeah with that kind of money we went to the battle bot arena there Listen when you drive through Vegas and just the neon and all the craziness, it's fucking amazing. It is amazing. It's amazing. And I did shows at Wise Guys, which was a great club, by the way, in Vegas.

The locals came out and they were so happy to see a show. Like, usually it's casino or whatever, bigger only, but just to have like a regular club there is really cool too. And there's a bunch, but this is off the strip. It's way off, so it's mostly for the locals. So it was kind of refreshing to see the locals come out and let's say is there a more jaded crowd than a vegas crowd you know they've seen it all yeah so they were really cool and i like they i

feel like vegas has turned the corner man it's really it's popping now yeah well it's a people place where people go to have a good time so when you do shows there like you know doing shows you ever do the mirage I? Think so in the past for sure that's that uh what is it the Terry Phaidor theater? Yeah, he's yeah Was called that I think they changed it, but the fucking place is great. I was there with Gillis like a few months back It's amazing you get in there. You're like holy shit. This place is incredible. Yeah, I forgot how fun it was and it's like A bunch of people there to have a good time It's like that's what you want. You know people that are just like purposely. I'm here to have a good time

I want fun. I'm in a town that's specifically designed to have a good time. That's the first place I saw the axe throwing stuff They have like new ideas like for some reason people will bring new ideas and they'll like Vegas You know people want to you know, what's the next thing that people want to do? What do they want to try? So I think that's a good place like if you have an want to you know what's the next thing that people want to do what do they want to try so I think that's a good place like if you have an idea and you want to see people are into it that's the place to do it you know yeah so that's where you'll see a lot of these robots and stuff like that there they'll have a robot wrestling or something

robot prostitutes they'll sure unleash them that's be the first place they do it in Vegas and you know the we thing there too which is weird that their weed laws are you can buy it? But you can't really smoke it on the street or in the hotels or anything that so I don't know where people actually smoking that weed But that just added another layer Airbnb for smoke breaks just on top of the stratosphere Battlebox arena, but there is the sad of Vegas and let's face it There's some like, you know, you're gonna old Vegas and you're like walking down those streets. It's sad

But there's definitely a lot of sad in Vegas. There's some fun to it, too Though and that's all those museums like just crazy museums there if you're gonna have gambling you're gonna have failure You have people who just fucking hit the rocks. Yeah at 400 miles an hour For a me can't quit the penny slot people lose everything People have you ever seen those videos of people just peeing in their seats because they don't feel like getting up no yeah This is girl. She's sitting there These girls sitting there on her phone, and she's sitting at one of the slot machines. She just pisses a Girl or a woman a lady was she yeah look she's just sitting there pissing

She's kind of hot on the phone. She says I'm just gonna fucking piss so she's just pissing While she's sitting, but that's she doesn't look like a degenerate. She's just a drunk. She's probably both. She's Probably draw she's just pissing on the ground in front of everybody lucky graham people are filming it And she's got like a beautiful purse nice shoes. That's in Vegas. Yeah, it doesn't really Wow What casino is that at Jamie? Woman peas while gambling a casino she refuses to go to the bathroom So she doesn't ruin her look caption out of it Is there any chance that's not what it is?

Yeah, like what if it's coming from her bag or she put a drink in between her legs? What a weird ad for that. She's really turned on. I would like to just keep believing she's peeing. That makes it better. What a weird... It definitely looks like she's peeing. I can't get over how hot she is.

Apparently people do do that though. I've talked to people. I was expecting someone in one of those scooters. I've seen the one that went around viral right let's that's cuz she's hot Don't they do that in Times Square at um everywhere with the ball The people are being sitting everywhere don't people wear diapers cuz it's so crowded You know I'll have to leave once you get in that so yeah security zone. They should all die What was if you're wearing a diaper to go see something and you can't pee well once you get in that zone, security zone. They should all die. What? Sorry, if you're wearing a diaper to go see something

and you can't pee, you're useless. Anyway, that was weird. I'm not wearing a diaper today. Changed my catheter. Imagine they gave you that option, they just connected you. Would you like to be connected to the urinal? You're like, yeah, sure, just connect me me and they just strap you in put you in a chair

And you just zip your dong just let it hang out you can pee at any time you're in a bag You're gonna click like a blue dark bag. I hate as long as I hate those machines Yeah, I do that those machines suck. I'd rather like play black check. I was playing them with you and the thing these dumb machines It's like by the time you figure it out You're already about a hundred bucks in to these dumb games And then I'm like, you know, look at all this like information and it's like you never know if you're winning or not You know, it's like why am I hitting my you know, like an idiot you're hitting the butt waiting for a treat to come out I like the classic and you know, it's just I was when I don't people do it

And then every time he came around me I started losing. Yeah, I was a good dark cloud People do it and then every time he came around me I started losing. Yeah, I was a good dark cloud slot revenue made up 66.3 percent of total gaming win Wow penny slots generated 9.6 percent of total slot win with 3.1 5 billion which is pennies That's crazy, which is down 12 percent from 2022 while slots that accept multiple denominations generated 5. nine billion up Sixteen point seven percent from last year so people are getting dumber people always have money to gamble Oh, yeah, I'm gonna bring more money on slot machines. I'm a part of it What's your biggest win on a slot what's your

$1,100 and how many how long did it take you to get that I was there for like an hour If you had a guess though like how much are you in the hole to slot machines all time? Joe So much well, I mean I lost like three gram when I was in Vegas I was there machines well. I play a little roulette too, but I like how that's your backup game roulette. I understand Which is I like how that's your backup game roulette. I understand this game Guessing I'm guessing I lost $20 betting someone on rock-paper-scissors in the front row

Gambling I'm not good at it. Are you a sports guy too? No, I don't like sports sports because we really can make it Yeah, I don't understand the over-unders and the parlays So yeah, but we've been to the track on the road and that's fun. Yeah. And that's another one where it takes forever to figure it out, the trifectas and the quintelas and all those other. Yeah, yeah. Those track junkies are weird folk.

Oh yeah, my uncle was one of them. He got me to pull the trigger on the start of a race once. Oh wow. It's a fun date though, like if you take a girl, like hey, this is kind of cool, like we're in the upper class, but it's like you're surrounded by some of the saddest people who've ever lived, you know, the people who live at the track. The saddest shit is off track betting.

That's the saddest shit. Oh that was so much fun. Oh yeah. OTB. Yeah, remember that? OTB. Oh my god. In New York they had off track betting.

Chinatown is everywhere. Gambling junkies would go and bet on the races from the middle of nowhere That was the most unhealthiest place like you would walk in it was like waves of smoke. Yeah. Oh, man It was just terrible going in there. I remember people like with uh, I was like do you have a bathroom here? I'm like, what are you talking about? There's no bathroom here Yeah, come on they'd be taking showers in there. Yeah, off track bedding was this guy, White Plains Charlie

that he used to hang around with, White Plains in executive billiards in White Plains. And he would always go to off track bedding during the day. He'd come back complaining. What is off track bedding? This is before the internet where you'd put it in and you'd be able to bet on races around the country You know so you're betting on horse races. Yeah, but you're nowhere near the horse race

And all these fucking psychotic gamblers these guys are nuts look at these people. They're all just completely addicted. They're all shady Everyone's in there. Everyone's fucked their whole life up with this addiction. Yeah, that was my uncle man, and they're just Donating money you know I remember I'm like the DMV Fucked their whole life up with this addiction. Yeah, that was my uncle man, and they're just donating money You know I remember I'm like the DMV. I was gonna say like I remember walking past I was like is this like the cab authorities. It's like with a cabbie tag out look how sad these guys look But give me a click on some of the folks hanging out there great. They just look like everything's gone wrong wrong. Look at that guy explaining. I'll fucking tell you what the government's plan is. Yeah, they're all just junkies. It's the name of one of the horses, government's plan. It was a nice way to spend an afternoon. That's how they portrayed it on the commercial. Just a bunch of junkies. Oh, God, ghost of wagers pass, still living. Yeah, they close all the,

this is all down. They don't have off-track betting. I don't think so I think they do they make that illegal near the Manhattan Bridge Do you think I think I know if you may be a side? Sider makes documentary about off-track betting. Oh look that looks classy though with it. That's a nice. Yeah, that's a nice one Yeah, that's the Upper West Side. They're betting on something besides horses there. I think That's like falconry or something. Something another level of animal. Well, there's always dog races too.

Yeah, I've been to those in person and they were a lot of fun. Really? You know, and they used to have the thing where they, this was like a rite of passage or at a state fair where they had monkeys riding dogs and they were like, this has gotta end now. And I'm like, oh, come on, it's hilarious.

You know, and the monkeys would be like riding them around. They'd have like a do a circle. Man, that was really fun. Everybody had a good time, the dog, the monkey, everybody was having a good time in that one. I saw a video today of India and these folks were walking down this road and this monkey runs up behind

and just drop kicks this lady and then yes Good I got the guy right I got the guy right We should have bet oh this is like a lame one, but look at the dog. He's easily distracted. You're taking a bow But look at the dog. He's easily distracted. He's taking a bow Do any of the monkeys rip the dogs faces off? That's great Now they know better than that dogs will bite their father they friends like to do that I mean buddies if the dogs don't seem to mind if the split the purse For the dogs probably like being pet like yeah He's riding me. He's a little dress, and they don't weigh much

Oh, that's so fun So these people are walking on this road in India and this monkey runs up behind him Drop kicks this one lady and then runs a little further and drop kicks this little kid Like 100% did it on purpose. That's great. Fuck these people. That's great a migrant Runs up with its back feet like like a dropkick yeah like a real like pro wrestling did you try to steal their purse or was it not love of the game up just the love of the game that's awesome drop some bombs on these fucking fools that's the best you've been served

just decided to fuck this dude up well he's egging them on though he's like boom! He just decided to fuck this dude up. Well he's egging him on though. He's like fuck you. Did he give him the finger? Oh my god! He tried to stand his ground but the monkey's like... Yeah he tried to say fuck you to the monkey. What a... That guy was... I hate to say it, he was... He left his thing behind. He's so disoriented. So where's the monkey? Is this outdoors or is it indoors?

The one that I saw was indoor, or outdoors rather. Oh this is little guys. That's a scary attack. They scary attack your fucking kids, man This is crazy. Oh Look at those tails man. Oh, they're dragging the girl. Oh, no. Yeah Yeah, dude, that's sketchy. I Would not let the monkey grab my fucking kid No, man, you gotta realize like they'll fuck you up like a little monkey will fuck you up

It's like that can't treat it like it's a little person They must think we're so stupid like they just keep feeding them and like I mean honestly well then a lot of places They'll take your phone. Yeah in order to give the phone back you have to give them something That's smart. I'm food. Yep. Can you train the monkey to take this phone and give it to you so you can sell it? I'm sure you can and that's in like Where's it way like they live in like a monastery or a ruin or something like that, they kind of control the town. I think it's in India or Thailand or something like that where it's like just troops of monkeys,

hundreds of them stop traffic and they can't do anything. Yeah. Yeah, you can't fight them unless you're willing to go to war. You got to really be willing to go to war. What's your weapon? You gotta need machine guns. Yeah, how would you fight the Monkey Army? Yeah, they're gonna swarm on you.

You're gonna be able to, you gotta be able to, maybe even, yeah, you need something that will, you got multiple rounds. No, just smack them all. They'll take that mace around, away from you and stuff it up your ass. They'll jump on your face and bite your nose off, and then you drop the mace and then they beat you

to death with the mace. Like you're fucked. You got to have a motorcycle helmet on, Kevlar suit. There it is. Yeah. You got to look like Tex Cobb in Raising Arizona. Exactly. No, but he was still vulnerable.

The skin was exposed. You want to literally be wearing like a motorcycle riding outfit made out of Kevlar. Oh my God, look at them. That's like two troops of monkeys going at it. Yeah, they're fighting. Look at that. Well, this was, I think, during COVID.

One of the things that happened during COVID was they didn't have access to all the tourists. So they were starving. So they had to become dependent upon people and where people would hang out and leave food. Oh my God. Yeah. Look at those guys.

They're probably fucking starving. That's a nice spread though that they put out for them. That is pretty sweet. Yeah, that're right. Yeah, look at those guys probably fucking star. Look, that's a nice spread though that they put out for them That is pretty sweet. Yeah, that's good. So like one guy was dressed as a monkey I'm infiltrating a nice little buffet. Look at this sort of sort of cool like a car different plates of food like a Carnival cruise You would think they wouldn't steal any babies, but they still will. They're wearing a mask on too. Did you see that? What's that?

These guys are wearing a giant mask. They're so smart. Oh, boy. He's their leader. I think that might be a statue. Is that a statue or a dude? That's a statue. Oh, yeah.

That's like the god. They're worshiped. Yeah. Whoa. Wow. Oh, that looks like rats, like the way they're circling. Isn't it wild what people choose? Oh!

Oh! It's so wild what people choose to and choose not to worship you know like he's shaking it off I like enough of the table boys Boy what a fucking horrible life that is now imagine being a monkey in India No tourists show up. You're like you got to be kidding. Yes the food man if they only had dogs to ride They could really make a difference. Do you know the story of Cobra Charmers? No. Cobra Charmers started because they

started offering people money to kill cobras. And so what people realized is you could breed cobras and then kill those cobras. And so every cobra you capture and kill, they give you a little bit of money. So they started breeding cobras. And so then the government got wise to it and say, hey, stop. You can't do this. No more bounty on cobras.

And they're like, what are we going to do with these fucking cobras? And so they started fucking doing shows with them. No shit. Wow. I didn't know that. Oh, wow. See if that's true. Did you just tell us? Did you make this up? No. No. Imagine if I made it up. No, I didn't know that oh, that's true

No, oh imagine I made it up yeah, but I don't remember the source which is often the case I don't remember the source of that story. You mean we can't make these Cobras fuck anymore Yeah, they fucking mean it makes sense Yeah, people are get a little people find ways where they native to that's India like where the Cobra's believe it's India India, right? Yeah, I mean think about the people going back and forth from Mexico making eight thousand dollars a month like the same kind of deal people find a little loophole like Breed Cobra, oh, I'm good reading making the criminals One how many covars I died breeding cobras Yeah That's another tough one. How many guys died breeding cobras? Yeah. I'm looking through the thing, but that's a pretty sneaky thing I never heard.

For safety, some North American snake charmers stitch close the mouth of the performing snakes, leaving just enough opening for the animal to be able to move its tongue in and out. Members of the audience in that region believe the snake's ability to deliver venomous bites comes from its tongue rather than its fangs. Snakes subjected to this practice soon die of starvation or mouth infection and must be replaced by freshly caught specimens. Similar methods are used in India where snakes are defanged and have their venom glands incapacitated. They are also kept in boxes or bags for 30 to 45 days and dehydrated so their muscles cramp, making them sluggish, so they will drink the milk offered by the devotees at festivals. The milk is undigestible

to the snake." Jesus Christ. Wow. That's abuse. The methods of dealing with the fangs include expert surgical removal of both of the fangs and replacement fangs, which has been done by some Native American and African snake charmers. Barring extraordinary measures, pulled fangs are replaced within days. Fangs may also be plugged with wax or other material. Well it's so it's like a three-cord Monte kind of like you're thinking it's the guy could really die

nothing could happen. Right but see if that's the origin of us that they used to Google that like if they used to Give bounties for Cobras, but people to get advantage of it pretty sure that's a real story This has the history goes all the way back to ancient Egypt Right a biker, but in India what I'm talking about is the bounty on Cobra thing real money isn't being a snake dentist removals Yeah, I'm not saying that they invented it But I'm saying like that's why where it came from like where there's so many of them It was associated with India that these are people that

Apparently had a bunch of snakes laying around like look we need to figure out a way to fucking diversify wasn't that st Patrick didn't he didn't he chase all the snakes out of Ireland But what are you supposed to do it's like a snake live in Ireland. It's so cold It's probably easy to chase him out there bring me back to Indian take my teeth out What happens with the like what you supposed to tip that guy like I'm not it's like a street performance This is an alarm or article the first paragraph says legend goes that a Cobra investigation plagued Delhi in the 1800s So the British Raj decided to offer cash reward for every dead cobra the menace briefly You're right and yeah backfired savvy Indians built cobra farms

So they could have a constant supply of snakes to kill and redeem for money. Yeah Wow, you're right British eventually uncovered the scheme and ended its incentive with no use for the now worthless snakes breeders Release the creatures onto Delhi streets streets Wow you were right man So it made the problem worse. That's right. That's what it was. Oh wow I fucked up the story No, you got you got a lot of it right yeah, you know I'm worse. Oh shit. Yeah people are gross They like fuck these cobras. Yes, let them lose You don't see that on New York streets anymore like with they're like performing dogs or any any of that kind of Stuff you don't see any kind of animal. That's illegal, but you can just go shit in the curb. Yeah, well, that's

Yeah, that's a performance. You will see somebody who's like, you know, I'm a squatter with a dog and the poor dogs They're all day long, you know, just like laying next to that that I was feeling are those dogs drugged or they so socialized that they're just docile I think that's what they're used to living like that but you're really giving money to the dog hoping that he'll take the money and take care of the dog but really dog is probably like 60% less effective almost got with a dog you know my rough estimation yeah you remember Norm McDonald's joke about the homeless guy with the dog wow what is the dog thinking? This is the longest walk ever.

Are we ever going home? Man, this has been going on for days now. That's the fucked up thing about dogs. They're so awesome. They'll love you even if you're just homeless and just fucking lazy as shit and never getting anything done. They still like, still love you. It's real real unconditional love

Beautiful my cat does that sure? Gotta eat you when you die cats have seconds good in seconds. I'll be one with him finally All right kids, let's wrap this bitch up bring it home Ian very fun. Thanks for being here. Bless. Thank you brother. Thank you very much Yeah, and I'm excited to see you guys this weekend. So you're the fucking man. I love you to death You want to ask of all time Joe? Thank you for all of us for doing what you do man honestly It was a great hang and the club. I can't wait to be there so we're excited. Okay. That's it Bye, oh you special when is it coming out March 26 Netflix hot crust buns. Yes. All right