The Joe Rogan Experience - #2128 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: March 29, 2024

Joey Diaz is a stand-up comic and New York Times bestselling author. He's the host of the podcast "Uncle Joey's Joint with Joey Diaz," co-host of "The Check-In" with Lee Syatt, and author of "Tremendous: The Life of a Comedy Savage."  www.joeydiaz.net Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Joe Rogan Experience Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! This is a good way to open up the podcast, is Jamie is an expert on all things black Twitter. Well. What's going on Jamie? I don't know, there's a lot going on, a lot of rumors are flying. The rumors are that Diddy was running some kind of Epstein type deal Where he was filming everybody right? The thing is like we're getting the rumors from the internet and the internet thinks that the Taliban took out that bridge in Baltimore

So it's like who fucking knows who knows what's real. That's what diddy's lawyers. I think said it was like that these are just Trumped up charges not trumped up, I don't think they said that. But like bullshit charges. Dude, when Homeland Security invades your house, with dudes with fucking guns and body armor, Someone said that they weren't there to

take stuff, they were there to delete everything. The real people that were in there. Like the family of Epstein. Oh, that's there to delete everything. The real people that were in there, you know. Like the people with Epstein. Oh, that's funny. That's funny, of course. There's layers upon layers. When you get into these fucking conspiracy theories, man, they never end.

They never end. There's just layers upon layers upon layers. It's fun to talk about. It is fun to talk about. It's hard to know what's true. But, wow. People genuinely love it when someone like Diddy gets caught though the glee that people have is weird Why because these two successful? Also, that's like there was always so much

East Coast West Coast shit that's still like in the zeitgeist you know like with Biggie and Tupac and they're all hating at each other and they both got killed and There was a lot going on and then there's people that thought that Puffy was involved and shook night was involved I think sure nights the one who said that thing I just thought of what thing about that they were there to delete stuff Well if he really was filming everybody I mean he had a lot of people at those parties, right? You know say Luke from to live crew. Yeah, he said he was to leave early

Yeah, when Luke from to live crew is leaving early like you got a wild party from 2LiveCrew is leaving early. Like, you got a wild party. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What, if what's happening is too fucked up for Luke from 2LiveCrew. All right, check please. There's so many different stories. Who knows?

What are you gonna do? I'm not doing nothing. We're not involved in them. I was never at Diddy's party. I don't even know the motherfucker. I don't want to know nobody. Telling jokes. Like I told you. Having fun.

That's it. Smoking dope, cracking jokes, making people laugh. Everything else is background music. And living in LA, you have all this shit that's going on around you. You have your life and then you have all this shit that goes in and out of your ears all fucking day and you're like, I just want to do stand up. You also have those celebrity environments where celebrities all get together and there's so many of them, you know, and these wild parties and if you got a wild party and P. Diddy puts on that wild party and, you know, he sets everybody up.

Like if you were an intelligence agent, like a Jeffrey Epstein type deal, that'd be the way to do it. Big old crazy party, get everybody loose. And get the cameras rolling. Get them the Yale. Get them the Yale. And everything else. Get them everything you need, get fired up,

get those cameras rolling. And now you got everybody under wraps What a twisted web some folks weave You all right over there yeah, you got to concentrate that is a skill that I never picked up The roll your own skill. Never picked it up. Sometimes you got no choice but to pick it up. Yeah, no I should have. You're sitting there with reefer.

I admire people that do it. When I see a person that can roll a solid joint, I'm like that is a... That's an exceptional person. It's like a person who can play guitar. Like, oh, you took the time. There's a level of skill with it too. Some people can roll some nice ones. Oh, yeah, man. I've seen dudes in Instagram driving their car, rolling with one hand. That's next level.

Yeah, that's next level. Charlie Murphy could roll a hell of a blunt. Charlie Murphy's one of those. You know who else rolls a hell of a blunt? Lewis. Lewis Gomez. Gomez rolls a hell of a blunt? Lewis. Lewis Gomez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gomez rolls a hell of a blunt and he does it the real way. He doesn't just split the spliff and open it up and lick it or not. He takes the paper out and he makes, you know, cuts it. Like he'll unravel a cigar and then take the tobacco paper

and cut it and wet it and get it down. I just don't wanna get high. It's like free base and Coke. I gotta run it and run it through a sock. Then it's gotta dry. No, just give me the fucking reefer. I'd rather, I like smoking blunts, but that's what gave me pneumonia last summer. I started smoking blunts.

Yeah? Sure enough. It gave you pneumonia? Pneumonia, pneumonia last summer. Do you think it's definitely from that? It was that in the sleep. What was, it was a bunch of shit. What it really was, was I had an abscess. Oh.

And the sleep mask. Oh. I cleaned that motherfucker for 20 years. Abscesses are dangerous. Doug, this was, I'm shooting a fucking movie with Kevin and it blew. Oh really? In my mouth as I was shooting with Kevin.

Oh, you had no idea No, I'm spitting blood and posture. I'm like, oh and I started feeling sick. Oh No, I got we read string. Thank God we wrap I'm fucking I'm like, I'm not gonna make it home Whoo, I couldn't even drive I got home. I went right to sleep the next day I got up and went right to the doctor and that started, you know, because doctors aren't, now they're sending you to 20 different places. So by the time you get there, you know what just started with the pneumonia? What?

They saw a fucking thing in my kidney. What's that when you have a kidney stone? Kidney stones. Yeah. They go, we got to start drinking whatever. I'm like, kidney stones. Yeah. Then I went to another doctor and he's like, you're not a kidney stone.

There's something wrong with the bottom of your lung. Oh. And there's a cyst in your heart. A cyst? Something that kept growing over the years, like a little boil by one of the valves. Oh, Jesus. All right.

Then he sent me for another one. And then finally, Eisenberg fucking sent me to the real deal. And he goes, this eliminates everything. When I left there, I thought he was going to say, we're going to put in a stent and all this shit. He goes, no, just aspirin. Aspirin? I just want you to go on a baby aspirin. Really? That's it. He goes, your heart's perfect, you're good. That's it. My calcium score was good, which was very fucking surprising, you know. I stopped eating bacon in the mornings.

Yeah? How come? Just, just. I'd do an avocado toast instead You know, I rather do avocado toast with an egg and a bowl of fruit. That's good. That's yeah That's good. You know, I used to eat a cheese on that were french fries With ten pieces of bread with butter on it. So that yeah, this works is better. This works. Yeah, that's definitely better Some healthy fats. Yeah, how good is that sushi place? We went to oh my god you shout out to yuki hand roll jesus christ yeah the fucking when you got up to go to the bathroom is when he dropped my rose i'm like who's is this it was just a fucking a chunk yeah and especially now with this new economics that sushi's getting smaller and smaller it is in all our places this fucking there was two hunks of fucking tuna there yeah i, I'm full big They give you big pieces at Yuki and the guy came from Nobu super sweet guy really nice

You guys are put together a hell of a fucking time I remember we've been coming here since 98 and we used to come and we just go to Papa Do's. Yep, and Well, there was another place we went to the Mexican joint Papa seat doors and that's it Yeah, it was where we went for three fucking joint papasito and that's it yeah was where we went for three fucking days now look what you got here yeah it's like an empire very you guys were talking to green room last night about all the different restaurants and you guys didn't stop moved here so many people didn't stop you guys did not everybody had a suggestion about this one you

asked for a steak here eight people raised their hands Mexican food go to that place, that fusion or whatever. There's so many good steak houses in town that people forget. You know, you go, oh you got Jake Harvers, right, Perry's, Bob's, there's excitement down there. Three forks, three forks. It's very exciting. You know, last two nights, the store in its heyday, like 2019, 2018, I gotta be honest with you, I would do my spots and I would have to go to the kitchen

and sit in the corner by myself. And I would just watch to think that this was really happening. Because it would assault all your, like it was just so much, it was celebrities. I remember one night, half a UFC was there. You know, like you look around, there's fucking eight guys in the UFC right there, and you're like, what the fuck is happening up here?

What the fuck are all these people? You know, the last two nights, I had to leave early. And you go home and you can't sleep. Last night when you texted me, I was awake. I got home at fucking 11. I couldn't sleep from everything. I was writing and fucking thinking and coming on his head and fucking you know it's what stand-up does to you at night it's you know you can't not be a fucking

early riser with stand-up because even if you do an 8 o'clock show unless you're a fucking mope you're thinking about that set yeah even when you're eating what you're fried haha you know where you went week today even though you did great that one joke didn't work you're thinking about how set. Even when you're eating, when you're frien... You know where you went week to night, even though you did great. That one joke didn't work, you're thinking about how you can make it better. That's what I missed. I didn't miss the planes, I didn't miss the hotels.

Right. I missed having four ideas and starting to get on stage and trying to connect those four ideas together. And when those four ideas get connected together, I'm just saying four ideas, three different premises. Right, right. It's the best feeling, it's better than sex. It's incredible feeling.

Better than sex, and that's what I missed. Everything else I didn't look at, the age, you know, no. Well, there's a relationship with the audience that's so pure, because they know you, like they really know you. They know you from podcasts, they know you like they really know you they know you from podcasts they know you from your bits then they fucking know you and they know you from conversations they get it and then they're watching you put together this thing that's really for them it's for you because you created

and you know you get paid to say it and you get this great feeling that you did it But for a person like a fan like when I was watching you last night as a fan like I had to see much New shit that you were doing that I was telling you was killing me, but it's It's a beautiful feeling It's a great feeling when someone that you really love is really who's really funny He's got new stuff, and they're killing it. And it's just like this, this atmosphere. So there's 250 people. We're all sharing this moment.

So it's, it's super positive in like all ways. It makes people feel better. They leave that place. They feel better. And so when you know that you can do that, then you get together in the green room afterwards you're like ah this one bit It's like something missing. It's fucking there's something clunky about it. It just feels fake It feels like it's too before I got to rework it I got to rework it and then you start from scratch you figure it out But it's just because you want to get to that place where the fan the audience is like yes

You hit him with some shit they didn't see coming or they get to see some shit that maybe you did six months ago but now it's tight. It's tighter. Yeah, now it's got all these new punch lines and new avenues that you can take it to. The worst is when you, three years later, and you get a bit and you're like,

you know what, I wish I could use that bit now. Right. That bit I did three years ago fits right in here now but you know I can bring it up people gonna know I'm doing old jokes. Yeah but sometimes just shove it in there anyway who cares just because it fits it's perfect it's funny the whole idea is just be as funny as possible. Yeah and now that I got here. You're always supposed to be coming up with new material for sure but you know I don't mind when somebody busts out an old bit The other night when I got here I got a land at 1130 got my luggage by quarter to 12 I walked out when I got in that car. You should have seen that at port

It was alive at midnight. Yeah fucking tons of people coming into Austin. I mean I was like, this has changed a lot. This airport used to be a sleepy fucking hollow. Yeah, the whole town, the pandemic changed the whole town. You know, and then a lot of the tech companies moved here too. That was a big part of it. A lot of these young people just didn't want any part of San Francisco anymore. They're like, we gotta get the fuck out of here. Who would want to live there? Who would wanna live there? It's dangerous, it's weird. Elon was saying five of his friends

have been assaulted or robbed. Five. You can't lock your car? Yeah, you gotta leave your car open. Window open? Because they're gonna smash it. How do you live like that? Yeah.

They basically empowered mental patients who are drug addicts to just live on the street and shit everywhere and harass people and There's no sign that they're turning it around There's no they don't seem to be turning it around at all except for when Xi Jinping came to town I told him about files a mayor. I'd buy Ji Jinping a condo Like when he's in town everything's clean when he came to San Francisco they they moved all the tents they put up fences so people couldn't put tents back up they cleaned the streets and Gavin Newsom was

like well when you have guests come over you clean up your house like what what a crazy gaslighting spin on a fact that you could have fixed this the whole time and you chose not to until the dictator comes to town. You know, in my criminal heyday I used to move around a lot and I ended up in San Francisco August of 85. I was in Boulder, the cops were looking for me and I said fuck it, where do I go? I went to the airport and I picked a spot and I go what's the closest flight here leaving San Francisco? All right, get me to San Francisco and I went up there and I went to the airport and I picked the spot and I go what's the closest flight here leaving San Francisco? I get me to San Francisco and I went up there and I went right to the Tenderloin Joe and it was

Wild I mean for a New York City kid to look at you and go Yeah, be careful down there. Mm-hmm. I still remember in 1985. They had a place called coffee Ron's that was a topless coffee place Yeah with the ugliest titties you've ever seen in your fucking life in there had a place called Coffee Runs that was a topless coffee place. Yeah. With the ugliest titties you've ever seen in your fucking life. And I mean, they were an award winning titties. Soggy. They looked like a puppy was going to milk on them, but they had that. Yeah.

And they were open 24 hours right down the block from me. It was a wild city. It was wild. And up the corner were hookers for fucking miles. It had a standup scene, but it never had a stand up scene like Boston or New York or LA. No, but it was a good stand up scene. Solid scene.

Robin Williams came out of there. Who else? Did Pat? Slayton. We were just talking about him. The Korean girl. She's from San Francisco. Margaret Kim?

Margaret Cho. Margaret Cho. Her mother had a bookstore downstairs or something. A couple funny guys came out of Frisco. Sorry, Margaret. The comedy festival really was great. It really did a lot for a lot of comedians. I never went to that one.

I did it. I quit. Yeah? Four nights. What am I doing? I'm sleeping on the beach. I'm paying for my own hotel. And the judges are comedians from San Francisco

And I'm coming in fucking 12th every night because they don't know These guys are coming in first, you know, the judges are hugging them smoking dope with what year was this? 97 ish 98 I Drove home. I went to the comedy store They let me go up and I went to the comedy store They let me go up and I went to the house of blues and saw Celia Cruz Instead of fucking be I left Thursday night blues used to be the shit I should we used to go across the street and watch killer bands fucking unbelievable. It was a great just walk. Yeah Hey, come on over. Yeah, they just let us in

It was amazing. I went to see one of my mother's friends that My mother's friends with this Cuban dude, but that was a big oh, they're huge in Cuba and he was playing that by himself He had to be like 70 Before I forget what is your cousin's band in Cuba that band? Emma Alfonso, mean and they Alfonso that's new shit she was just here they came down for I want to put them on the Spotify list yeah shit is banging they came here for fucking top by Southwest really yeah she was a soft spot how do you say it how do you spell me E me E M M Y E M E E M E a l f

Alfonso a l f o n s o And me I got it BAM there it is Can you believe that's my family up there the Instagram shot of the what's a good song that I should put on the Spotify Playlist that's my family, bro That's my legitimate fucking family. That guy on the far left is my mother's brother. That's his son that owns La Factoria in Cuba, the big club where you go to. That's his sister and that's my aunt.

Wow. That dude is 80 years old and he's still a musician, plays congas. Wow. You know, the whole fucking thing Emmy lives in no ecchi the guy with the dreads and my cousin He lives like in fucking Germany some shit. Really? Yeah, you don't even go to Cuba He goes to Cuba to pick up a check or something. Are you is he allowed to go in and out? He's a band member. Okay, he says he's been playing band and fucking give me a what uh, what song should I pick? Oh my god, I list house. Keep your head up No, the one that you really liked that time was the one when she's walking which one's that?

All right, let's all screenshot this I'll come back to it later I'll put some of them on the spot and while I got you Can we look at that car? Oh, yeah Steve in the movie with the Jamaicans Jamie's Joey screwhead Jamie said he had a 69 Mach 1. I didn't say 69 I didn't know what it was. He said Mach 1. He said M A C and I'm like, that's probably Mach 1 It's an old muscle car, right? Yes, sir It's probably a Mach 1. It's an old muscle car, right? Yes, sir. It's probably...

Oh, shit. Oh, okay, that's a 70. That's a 70. I like that joke. Yeah, it's a nice car. How fast is that? Oh, it's fast as fuck. They handle like shit. But that's the 69, that's the one John Wick had.

The 70, it's not quite as good looking, but still, great fucking car. I forgot about this scene. Oh, they crushed it with two trucks. Damn it. I forgot the name of this movie, but it's god awful. Marked for Death, screw face. This movie movie so bad

It's really bad And then he kills him then his brother he comes back from life. I'm like, all right, that's it He kills him and he comes back from the dead. Right ahead screw face or something. Yeah. Oh He lights him on fire. He has to escape This is so dumb. This is skinny Steven Seagal. These are at least more believable movies until they went completely sideways. All right, he's going to sneak out.

He's going to get out. The guy with the tractor never crushes him. God damn, Tom Segura has got to stop sending me videos. Tom Segura sent me this video of this dude smushing somebody with a tractor, running the tractor right through him. I don't want to see that shit. I don't want to see it either, but Tom Segura thinks I do. Every day we freak each other out.

I find the worst shit that I see on Instagram. By the way, Instagram is wild right now. I mean, buck wild with murder and animal attacks and bombs exploding on people and terrorist attacks and riots. And it's like you can find everything on Instagram now. And these are accounts that I don't even follow. So they know my brain is a mess. So they're just sending me the most horrible shit. And I just get it all day long. I saved one just for you. The only, we can watch it.

The only fucking thing that amazes me about Instagram, I don't know what's going on. But if you go to like look, this section here, break it down for me. The explore section. Like this one here? The search. Uh huh. That there? Yeah. This section here. Yeah, break it down for me the explore section Yeah, I still can't put together what these women are they hookers are they just showing their personal some of them My there look at this one. Yeah. Yeah We got doing babies. They got fake babies. So they pull their tits out to breastfeed fake babies So it's like a hack so they can what's that Lincoln bio? Yeah, you go in that bio BAM and then there's a it's probably an only fans

And let's see 18 plus. Yes, we are And then love me it's a different one Oh, it's a dating. Oh, you're done. You're done. You have a virus on your computer right now. We need to blow up that computer. We'll take that computer to the range. Fill it full of lead. So they just rope you in. They get lonely, lost guys and they see this girl breastfeeding a rubber baby and they dump. I mean that's how Andrew Tate made all his money coming in hot bunch of titties Lots of titties and they got the other girls that flip the camera around and show that monkey and then show their face

And I can't figure out what the fuck that's about I'm like why are they doing this? Why did they show their face to flip it they show their underwear monkey and they flip back and they start talking to you I'm like why are they doing that only fans? underwear monkey and they flip back and they start talking to you. I'm like why are they doing that? OnlyFans. Yeah they're trying to get you to go to their website or OnlyFans or whatever that website was. It's just a bunch of girls that get hired I'm sure I'm guessing but this was what I imagined they get hired by an agency or some company and they they put a fake name to them and they say

Lincoln bio you go to Lincoln the bio and you go to some porn site or you go to some dating site, you go to some OnlyFans type site and lost guys who don't have any money or they don't have anybody with them, they're sad, they give up all their cash. They get hundreds of thousands of dollars off these dopes. And the way Andrew Tate was doing it, he would have the girls sitting in front of the keyboard typing with their tits out, and then him and his friends would be over on the side

and they would be typing all the shit because they knew what the guy wanted to hear. So they would type all the things to the guy and the guys would just donate money. And they were making millions, millions. That is crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. But you know, it's one of those things where there's certain kind of scams where I think they should be legal, like televangelists, like late night preachers. It's so obvious, it should be legal. Like if that,

if they're getting you with that, I don't have a problem. I've never called for like the banning of televangelists. Like, you know, when they're like, God told me I need a private jet. There's no way I can do the Lord's duty flying commercial. And these guys, they'll fucking sell it. They'll sell it This one guy was telling people that if they're broke they have no money if they just send whatever they can Everything they have God will bless them with ten times more He just kept saying that so he was trying to get people that would literally had Nothing and if you send me the guy in the five thousand dollar suit with the big pinky ring if you send me, the guy in the $5,000 suit with the big pinky ring, if you send me your money, whatever you have left, God will bless you 10 times over.

I don't believe the batting of anybody who could take money out of your pocket. Do you know that? Because if you're that fucking stupid, it's like, who raised you? It gets to a certain level where I'm like, okay, wait a minute like financial market stuff Like when people are pulling stock schemes and pumping dumps and things like that. Yeah, that's different. That's different

That's different. Then you're you're actually getting no, I'm not intelligent people like Bernie Madoff, right? You're actually getting intelligent people fucking rob you. Yeah, they just trusted you I'm talking about like when an African sends you a text message and says, fucking come bail me out. If you send me 500, you're going to inhale, inherit 80 million dollars. Yeah. You know how many people get every year, 60 minutes has a fucking expose. Yes. About some African that's taking money from fucking people and they keep doing it. Speaking of which, I should probably bring this up. There's a lot of people that are getting emails from a scammer saying that they're being invited onto this bar Yes, they are. Yeah, how dear friend of mine keeps asking me. What the fuck is this about? Yeah hundreds of people

I don't know how many people have been contacted and it's more than one account that's doing it And I think it's some sort of a scam to get your Facebook information Or some sort of information or credit get your Facebook information or some sort of information or credit card information or something. Don't do it. Don't do it. We will never ask you for anything like that and if we contact you it will be obvious. It's obvious also that whoever the person is writing these things, at least in the ones that have been sent to me, it seems like English is their second language. They don't seem to know exactly how to phrase things

in a way that an American would phrase things. So it seems a little obvious to me that it was shifty and obvious to a lot of other people, but a bunch of people sent them to me. Okay, yeah, because I had one I was going to show you. I think I erased it. He sent it to me yesterday. And he was like, yeah, ask them. They keep sending me these fucking things from the Joe Rogan experience. He doesn't know. Yeah, it's just scammers You know, they reach out to you through Instagram or you know They find out you follow me or maybe I talked about you on the podcast or maybe something like that And then next thing you know, you get a letter

Yeah You know, there's the scammers out there man. I mean the the Nigerians are the best at it. I mean, that's where that's where it was invented They're the best at the other best. When did they first start email scamming people probably right after email got invented Like when was the first Nigerian Prince email scams because it's always like I have all this money But I need like yeah, I'll find your dog to get it out. If you help To get it out. You help me get it out. You get 10 million. I Can't get mad at you for some right, right? You look at that new giggle You look at that new giggle any of that stuff online You have to look at I don't press nothing online

If you send me a Facebook message and I click on something I don't click I don't touch good I don't open it when that shit starts it. Good. I don't open it. When that shit starts happening, when things start popping up, that's when I turn off the computer. I hit a button that I should not fucking hit. Fuck you, I don't go into any of those things. Even friends of mine that send me shit, I'm busy.

Yeah. You know, if you like. That's smart, yeah. They used to do this by letter. Really? I mean, this is not a. When did it start? The 1910. Smart yeah The Nigerian started in the 1900s I 1910 yeah the origins of the Nigerian Prince scam date back to 1910 when it went by another name the Spanish prisoner swindle. Oh back then victims receive a message as a letter in the mail rather than on the internet but the same basic structure

between the two scams remains the same. The Spanish prisoner swindle centers around a wealthy foreign nobleman who is in prison for political reasons. The nobleman claims to know the location of a lost treasure and that he's willing to share this treasure with the victim. The problem is he's in prison and needs the victim to send him money so he can bribe his way out. Wow. Interesting. There's always been people like that, but you know what the problem is? The problem is the average, like,

there are people in this country, what was the number that we we go that of a iq lower than eighty five it's pretty high fifteen percent so that imagine fifteen percent people you could basically trick with anything get him to join a cult get him to sign up for some fucking telemarketing swindle you think it's i q or do you think it's

iq is interesting, right? Because IQ doesn't necessarily mean intelligence because it depends upon your education. Because some of the questions in IQ tests are predicated on a knowledge of math and understanding of like how to do equations and certain things that you learn in school. But there's intelligence that is social intelligence,

intelligence in terms of being able to see what the problems are in a certain choice you make or what the up benefits are of a different choice. There's like there's people that are strategizers and they're really good at like business, they're really good at figuring people out, they're really good at like business, they're really good at figuring people out. They're really good at figuring themselves out. There's, there's, there's an intelligence to that. So the problem with IQ in my minds, I know a lot of people with very high cues, but their life is a clumsy mess. So it's like,

it really is dependent upon what is the mental horsepower you have and how are you applying that mental horsepower? Are you Gary Clark Jr. and applying that mental horsepower to music and you're a genius, but you're a genius in music? Or are you Lex Friedman and you're making artificial intelligence and working coding robots? Are you Elon Musk? You're making you know artificial intelligence and working coding robots are you Elon Musk you're making spaceships like what are you doing with this intelligence so IQ there's limitations of it but at least it's an indicator of how smart a person is it's an indicator it's not that it's not the

only indicator there's other factors that I think are much more intangible. They're much harder to measure and weigh. That's my take on it. I think it means something. I think if your parents opened up your eyes, something, you know, it's like I do that bit, and it's true. I really do. I'm mad at my guidance counselor. I really am, deep down inside, because, you know, he was telling you all about all his job possibilities and college possibilities, but you don't even forgot to tell us about New York being right across the river,

and all the possibilities you had over there. I wouldn't, I would've done this shit earlier. You mean stand up? Everything, I would've tried anything earlier. The thing is, no one's ever gonna Advise that you take the riskiest chance and show business No one's ever gonna advise that you I didn't want to be a show business guy But I wish you would have told me, you know, you want to take acting lessons you go to the city

That's show business. I didn't know I didn't know that fucking when I'd watch a movie I thought you just walked on the fucking thing and they gave you a part. That's how stupid I was when I was young. It's not stupid. It's uninformed. I thought when Stand Up did a special, I thought he just showed up. And they had a camera and he goes, I'm ready. And that's what I thought. I didn't think any, you know, I didn't really know.

I'm mad that he didn't open up. I see the kids I grew up with. You got to see the people around you. And some of us saw some things and some of us didn't. Some of us saw a path that was different than just getting a job and working 40 years and getting a watch. You know, I don't think they opened up our minds to that stuff. There was a lot of stuff that we didn't... In my house, she would fucking tell... like my mother was crazy

When I was six, she would put a fucking gold chain on me that belonged to a man and she'd make me put it out And she'd go I want you to walk the streets like that. So somebody fucks you you you know I mean and I would now I think about these stories and I go what was she doing? Right. Why was he getting you to go outside with a valuable piece of jewelry on your neck? I'm a little kid? I remember one night I was getting ice cream on 88th Street and the gold chain was hanging And when I went to get the the coma from Mr. Softie, he goes, that's a nice chain And he looked at it. My mother was watching from the window. She was like punching the fucking face. I'm like I'm like eight don't let nobody touch your face like she was

She just did things, you know, like don't go let nobody touch your face like she was mean she just did things You know like don't go in a car with people like just general shit that they Banged into your fucking head. Well, that's good. All that stuff's good I was out there like I was out there every fucking day, you know different kind of intelligence, right? It's it's marked. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely And it's also informed you're informed You're informed about the dangers of your environment and some people they grow up in the suburbs and they go to really nice schools They're lost in those environments. They they don't understand the rules talk. I'm worried about kids today. You should be listen

My I didn't know this I just spoke to somebody in my old neighborhood and we were talking about something They go you should see the neighborhood at 230 Fucking you can't drive and I go why she goes McKinley school where I went She goes the parents pick them up with cars. I go what are you talking about? We walked those streets home. There was just three blocks a block from the neighborhood. She goes not anymore Those kids don't walk those streets at all and they live right there yeah I mean it's not like across town like you know you gotta get those kids out yeah they gotta get out of the house we're gonna get them out how many

kids are just at home playing video games oh it drives me fucking crazy when my daughter goes knocking on people's doors knowing now where they're inside playing video games you know it's 70 fucking degrees out yeah and I just call mr. softies on his way fuck yeah I got mr. softies number in my neighborhood first time I met him I gave him an edible he's like where you at and I told is it ring does it ding ding ding ding ding ding but he comes too early comes at four people still you know they're still at work but when that motherfucker comes mr. softy I would

give him edibles those ABX edible uh- and tell him, put them in my milkshake. And he blends, he blends it in the milkshake. That's hilarious. So, you know, intelligence, yeah, like, I know a lot of people are fucking smart, but they make mistakes. Yeah, they make big decisions. You go, what the fuck?

In your life, you know, relationship decisions, business decisions, yeah make big decisions. You go, what the fuck? In your life, relationship decisions, business decisions, friendship decisions. Intelligence is complicated. It's very complicated. But the point is, some people, their mental horsepower is very low. It's not a matter of what they apply themselves to. It's a matter of they don't have the resources.

Their brain doesn't work good. And I've met a lot of people like that. And I know you have to where you like this guy ain't never going to be a genius. There's like there's no inspiration in him. There's nothing enthusiasm. He doesn't have a thing he's really into. There's never a thing he likes. He's just dull, dull minded for whatever reason.

I don't know if it's genetics. I don't know if it's just a roll of the dice or maybe the way he was raised. I don't know. But some people just they don't have a good brain They just don't so those guys they get that fucking Nigerian Prince email like this is it. This is my ticket out of here Scraping up coins Putting quarters and rolls bring them to the bank I believe in faith like if you're broke and you go put $2 on a picket ticket because there's a $175 billion dollar, I believe in that.

I believe in all that type of stuff, Joe. That's the biggest scam in the world. What's that? The lottery. Well, I'm not talking, even when I was a kid, the numbers. It's three numbers. You put $5, you win $2,500 bucks, okay? In those small, you know, in the bucks. Okay in those in small

You know in the 70s and 60s in the black communities the Spanish communities Italian communities Italian communities. That's a way I hope yeah, your Sicilian grandmother wakes up one morning and says oh my god. I had a dream about peppers Yeah, okay peppers and also need grandma hug grandmother yells peppers. That's 68 Yeah, you know and all of a sudden you're like put a prefix on it five sixty eight and you know This is your trip to Italy. Mm-hmm. This is your trip to buy. This is your chance to buy your son a car It's like that little fate that yeah, but it's something that you have a chance at. It's fun, too It's fun You know The problem is the problem the same thing as the problem with drinking

Same thing the problem with everything else is that people lose their fucking minds It's an access and that it becomes everything I told you about my grandmother right with the numbers Yeah, yeah, what's your loan shark do it? She went to jail my grandmother went to jail for six months because she wouldn't rat out the the people that were my numbers Yeah, yeah We'd go to visit grandma. Where's grandma grandma's visiting and Josie Josie for six months. It was ridiculous Yeah, she was knitting for the fucking guards in prison. She wouldn't rat they so they put her away for six months for bookmaking

Yeah, yeah, so those immigrants those people and dreams Yeah, I see that but somebody just fucking calling you and going, hey, if you lend me five dollars or ten evangelists, whatever the fuck you're saying. Talk. I'm even like, I hate to say this in public, but I'm down on like fucking charities and shit. Well, that's- Because they don't get the fucking money either, unless you donate to St. Jude or something like that. Some guy's driving a BMW and the people I sent the money to, you know? And it's happened to-hmm and the people I sent the money to You know and it's happened to us. We saw it. We gave money nothing happens, and you're like what the fuck guys So now you just give it direct you want to have seen those charts show like what the the money you give to charity

How much actually goes to the cause? How much of it is just overhead?'s in some places like 90% it's ridiculous I was like 10% of the money goes to the charity it's a very inefficient thing and then you have things where the people that are running it are making enormous salaries and then they're like look at the black lives matter thing where the girls were buying six million dollar houses like fuck are you doing the fuck are you doing what are you doing? Like oh we use this for events. It's just that happens with so many charities and so many charitable organizations and then there's charitable

organizations like there's foundations that are set up just as tax breaks So there's like tax breaks involved if you have a foundation It's a charitable foundation that works towards good causes like maybe climate change or maybe you know something along those lines health You know the global health and then you get involved in that and it's a nice way to avoid paying taxes You move money around you put money in the foundation, you kind of move it around. You know, it's these guys that are involved in charitable organizations, the thought behind it is beautiful. Like, wouldn't it be great if people donated

all this money to charity, and we could fix a lot of things. But what you're really doing in a lot of ways is you're pumping up the business of these charities. And then they pump up their advertising revenue, they pump up their social media profile, their campaigns, their this, their that. And then they get co-opted. They get co-opted by companies, corporations, pharmaceutical companies, different mandates and narratives that they'd like to promote.

And next thing you know, charitable organizations are a part of the propaganda machine. And it's all being funded by enormous amounts of money. And most of that money does not go to the actual cause itself. It sucks. Have you ever seen the charts? Pull up a chart of where the money goes. Try to find out where the money goes. See if there's a good chart that shows like various like red cross, all these different ones.

I bumped into a nun once when I was going to Catholic school and she told me that when people are looking for you for help, like when they're on the side of the street and they're asking you for help, that that could be Jesus in disguise. So I fucked my world up. So I started donating as a kid. The first person I donated to was the black kid with the flies on him that they sent you the picture yeah he wrote a letter and then I never got nothing after that I'm writing letters don't please write me back on it with the kid made it to the sixth grade I was so fucking pissed as a kid and then I would do the Heart Association walks like that was my shit and trust me I

scammed off the top I'm not gonna lie to you because I would go to my mother's bar and I'd make them give me like ten bucks a mile Come on, right, you know, I would show up with like three thousand dollars and think I was a good kid Finally like after like 30. I'm like they're gonna get like this year. I'm making three thousand fucking dollars here So look at the Red Cross What's that that wasn't too bad. Okay. Let's see what we got here. What percentage? Okay, so this shows you all the money that comes in and how much of it actually grows to programs and how much of it goes to administration and how much of it actually goes to programs and how much of it goes to administration and how much of it goes to fundraising. So Red Cross looks pretty fucking

good. Red Cross shows it's like 90% of the money goes to programs. Only 3.5% goes to administrative and 6% goes to fundraising. So this is what we donated to remember when we did those shows in San Diego right after the fire And I'm like we can't take money from these people. They just had this massive file Let's just donate all the money So we donate the money Red Cross because that seemed to be the best one st. Jude's 72 percent and then it gets when you start going down the line it starts getting sketchy most of these are They're pretty good. Wounded Warrior is a little weird.

34% back in the fundraising. Yeah, but you know they still, at least 60% of it or close to 60% of it goes to the actual programs. What's the worst ones though, Jan? The worst ones was a different chart. This is a different chart. I want to see the worst ones. Those are good ones. Red Cross has always been thought of as one of the best ones. In terms of the amount of money

that actually goes to the cause. These are mostly UK charities though. Do they have American ones? Or worldwide ones? Let's see that one. wide ones. Let's see that one. That just shows where people are spending on the worst in terms of the amount of money that goes towards the cause. The top 10 worst charities.

It says kids wish network is number one. Disabled police officers, 4.4% goes to program expenses and 94% goes to professional fundraising fees. That's crazy. Disabled police officers counseling center, 94% of it goes to fundraising fees? That's bonkers. These are in New Jersey. New Jersey?

Right away you're like, oh, okay. I see what's going on. Look at the cancer survivors fund. Hey, they survived. That's what they get. 9% goes to programs. 87% goes to fundraising. And they also, I think a lot of times they make their name something close to like the good one. There's probably a really good

firefighters foundation that's not... Right and they call themselves the firefighters charitable foundation. Only 7% goes to the program, 85% goes to professional fundraising fees. What does that even mean? Professional fundraising fees, but a lot of them are like that. But you got to also think if you're going to run a charity, you got to pay people something kids wish network look at this. They raised 127 million, they paid to solicitors 109 million. And they spent percentage on direct cash aid to the actual kids is 2.5%. 2.5%. Look at the Cancer Fund of America.

Less than 1% went to the actual thing, direct cash aid. Well, when this is direct cash aid and paid to solicitors, who's the solicitors? Who counts as a solicitor there? Does that mean paid to solicitors who's the solicitors who counts as a solicitor there does that mean paid to the organization and then they only pay out that much to the people soliciting costs probably trying to buy overhead raising yeah it's overhead it's everything right mm-hmm yeah so it's mostly a scam look at the fucking International Union of Police Associations look at that one that's zero point five percent that's why I quit that's crazy. I worked for the cops that's when I found that three years I worked for the cops doing donations on the phone after I got arrested I saw it

in Boulder and when I went to Seattle I I did it there. And then up in Seattle, I found out what the cops were getting. I'm done. You give me 50 bucks, I'm giving you a sticker for the back of your car so when you get pulled over, they know that you donate. And these guys are showing up in Maseratis every day. They're two owners. And I'm like, fuck you. It's like the thing in LA with the homeless. You know, Coleon Noir sent me hits of that. He told me they were getting like six figure salaries. Like no way. And some of them are making 240 grand a year. Yeah, no, no, no. Taking care of the homeless. That is not being taken care of. They're not doing anything about it.

They just, they have to keep the business rolling too. That's the thing. Once you have 20, 30, 50, whatever people making six figures, all that money keeps coming in. You have all those mouths to feed, all those mortgages, all those people. Now you have an industry, now you have bureaucracy and you're never getting that back. You'd have to have some crazy dude that comes in like, who's that guy from Argentina? The guy that just became the president of Argentina with the wacky hair? That guy's amazing.

He's like, everybody out! Everybody out! He kicked out everybody. He cut that budget down to nothing. Nothing. Yeah. He got rid of all the bullshit. All the bullshit.

It's really crazy when I work for the cops I would you know, I loved it. It was great. I had a great time in that office. I'd be up there smoking dope But with the cops not it was like one cop that he didn't give a fuck I'm over here raising money for you, but even he was on the scam You know, it's like it come on when you have money that's being donated like cash that's come on it it's just it's gonna get moved around it's like you gotta help these fucking people out you know and look at now you you go when I came from Cuba when I was a little kid to learn how to do anything the reason why I learned how to do anything was because the police

athletically I swear to God yeah everything shooting fishing in Central The reason why I learned how to do anything was because of the police athletic league. I swear to God. Yeah. Everything. Shooting, fishing in Central Park, boxing program, you know, you shot pool. Who you think shot me in a pool? Really? Police athletic league?

Yeah, right on there, in 88 in Amsterdam. It's a smart move. So I was always indebted to those people. Always in my heart because I was a Spanish kid. They took me in over there, they fingerprinted me, they take you to the precinct, you shoot a.22, they give you the target, or your little thing, they give you like a little badge,

you know, and you're like, ah. And so I always wanted to work for them, like that was it, I always, you know, and then after I got in trouble, I'm like, you know, I owe them a debt that were very good to me. I was the guy that fucked up. So I always worked for the cops. I always tried to, you know, I owe him a debt that were very good to me. I was I was the guy that fucked up. So I always worked for the cops I always tried to don't you know get fucking people to donate the stickers or you know

Bulletproof vests and all that shit and then we would do comedy at the benefits in Seattle Even though I got arrested six times. It never worked They didn't fucking do anything well, maybe you would have got arrested a lot worse a lot worse Yeah, it's crazy when I found out I was like, I'm out. I'm not doing this and now They didn't fucking do anything for me. Maybe you would have got arrested a lot worse. A lot worse. It's crazy. When I found out, I was like, I'm out. I'm not doing this. And now, you want to help out.

Something happens. Hurricane relief. And you're like, I'm not. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it. Because it's, you know. Right. And you feel like shit.

I'd rather see somebody give them a 20. Some guy's hungry. Yeah. Just go give them a 20. I'm gonna give him leftover food or whatever We just get the guy 20 make him his own decisions if he wants to snort it or buy fentanyl go I don't give a fuck, you know, it's not my problem, but I did my job The Red Cross seems like a good one But also wasn't the Red Cross one of the people that was helping people map out the way to illegally enter the US Wasn't that one of the things that the Red Cross was doing? Google that. But that could be also that the Red

Cross is a legitimate charitable organization and it realizes that these people are going to do this no matter what and show them the way to do it that's safe. If they're going to do it, they're going to do it. I mean, showing them the way that do it that's safe. If they're gonna do it, they're gonna do it. I mean, they're gonna do it. Showing them the way that's safe to me seems like, you know, like almost an ethical thing to do if you know that this is happening. And then providing them aid along the way so they don't die. That seems like, you know, the whole immigration thing is very complicated. You know, you came from immigrants I came from immigrants or my grandparents were immigrants, but it's just the way they're doing it Where anybody can get through is so wild. So the Red Cross has provided maps to migrants

traveling towards the US border Now what is their reasoning Now, what is the reasoning? Is the Red Cross giving maps to migrants? The map in the social media is real. Different versions have existed since at least 2018 and some have been distributed by the International Committee of the Red Cross. The ICRC is a consortium of Red Cross agencies including the American Red Cross. The map is a part of an informational safety pamphlet provided by aid organizations including the

National Red Cross Societies to Migrants Traveling to Central America. The pamphlet also includes resource information like where to find food, shelter and medical assistance. While the map has been around since at least 2018, American Red Cross partnered with the Mexican Red Cross and others during the COVID-19 pandemic to promote these safety materials. The Red Cross logos appeared across the top of the map. The American Red Cross logo was removed in 2022 after COVID-19 partnership expired. The current pamphlet containing the map shows the current partners are the National Red Cross Societies of Mexico, Guatemala, Guatemala Honduras and El Salvador

Does not seek to a courage or discourage migration but rather to contribute to migrating the vulnerability Mitigating the vulnerability factors of this population during the migratory route. I can live with that I can live with that I live with that. That's yeah, that's not encouraging people to do it That's saying they're doing it. Let's let's make it so at least they have like a safe way to do it. Listen, man This migrant situation has turned everything around New York City, Chicago LA They're anyway, you know and you know tax money and New York's giving you $10,000 now an ATM card, right? They give you $10,000 for your mic ATM card, right? They give you $10,000 for your mic.

Something along those lines, yeah. You know, and I don't know. There's a lot to say, like, you know, look at our fucking vets, how they get treated. Look, you know, so. I'm gonna send you this, Jamie. See what's going on in Paris. They they started they were trying to kick these dudes out Of the country they started a riot at the airport What are they trying to kick out illegal immigrants? I'll show you Jamie. I just sent it to you Yeah, and they're like no we're not going they're like you have to go there's too many of you like no fuck you

We're not flying and they started a riot at the airport. They were trying to deport him And they're like, you have to go, there's too many of you. Like, no, fuck you, we're not flying. And they started a riot at the airport. They were trying to deport him. And they're like, uh-uh, we're here. Listen, all I remember is one thing, Joe. And I used this and I'm not saying nothing bad about anybody, I was- Look at this. Give me the volume.

This is a full on Donnybrook at the airport. They're beating up attendants. Security guys are getting fucked up. Just wild shit, man. So they got them over there, too? Yeah, they have a lot. A lot. A lot of migrants in Europe. Yeah, it's basically, it happened right after the pandemic

in mass, it's just massive amounts of migrants in Europe, massive amounts of migrants here. It's almost like it's on purpose. If it's not on purpose, what a coincidence. But it just seemed like there just wasn't migrants coming in. But what I was telling you before was, I think I told you last time, I saw what the Mario boat lift did to my area, Hudson County, not in 1979, but I saw it five years later. And then I saw what they were doing in San Francisco.

When I got in San Francisco. When I got to San Francisco in 95, there was a huge Cuban population. San Francisco. So this is the people that took off? For Marielle in 78, 79. When Fidel kicked them out? Yes.

He kicked out 160,000 people. We didn't have records on these people. So we didn't really know what they were about. They could just tell you, I worked in construction, you know, and they didn't know. So this is that but ten times. That was 100,000 people, 200,000. This is 8 million or something like that. Right? That's come through? At least. You're not going to feel this today. You're going to feel this five years from now. Well they could feel it real soon depending upon who the

people are and why they're here. You know the the most troubling version is sleeper cells. The most troubling version is that there's military cells that exist here. Terrorist cells. Chinese are coming in. Now they're growing weed. Are they Chinese? Jamie, go to the video tape. Chinese are buying farms. You had just had somebody on here that was talking about the Chinese are buying farms here. Yes, they're definitely buying farms. What do you think they're doing with those fucking farms?

Grazing fucking sushi? No, they're fucking growing reefer. Department of Homeland Security memo first reported by the Daily Caller, received as a part of the Freedom of Information Act request, said that more than 270 unlicensed cannabis cultivation sites in Maine were operated by Chinese nationals. Who the fuck you think you're dealing with, George Banana? Wow. 275 grow ops in Maine.

And the weed is on fire up there in New Hampshire Is it no they say that's the best weed right now in New Hampshire really New Hampshire Somewhere up there, New Hampshire, Maine. They say the weed is so fucking strong. Hmm Hmm See that look at that. Yeah So what is the legalization of weed in Maine is it legal there? See that? Look at that. Yeah, they're growing fucking reaper. So what is the legalization of weed in Maine? Is it legal there?

Not sure, brother. It's legal in so many states now. Yeah, yeah. Maine, New Hampshire, I think. How much cannabis can I possess? Adults 21 years of age or older can possess up to 2.5 ounces of a combination of cannabis, cannabis concentrate and cannabis products including no more than five grams of cannabis concentrate. How many

plants can I grow? Mainers can grow cannabis for personal use. That's reasonable. Is that your phone? No, something's ringing.'s you bro it's ringing like a phone phone you get the old-school ring on there you pick that yeah yeah and Jersey's buckwild right what do you mean with weed I? Just started going to weed stores in January. I said you know what I got I'm done with laughing gas I gotta expand my horizon see what's out there And the first one I went there was a Neptune and they're pretty impressive. It's big fucking joint I forget the name of it was pretty impressive Second place I went to is 15 minutes from my house Joe right by the doctor's office and free

hold holy shit and that's when I discovered rhythm because I was like listen I'm here to see the devil I don't want to know that Jersey fucking swank you know and it's everything is in containers it's completely different you know and they got I got this rhythm 36% Jesus and I'm like this is me from the I guess this is what is this affidavit for probable cause from where from the the China the Chinese thing and the Chinese immigrants in Maine it says we are in prison please come and save us we are here and gives the address no cell phones we are in prison. Please come and save us. We are here and give the address.

No cell phones. We are abducted from China. Passports were confiscated. The boss is a woman. 5'2", about 45 years old. No means of transportation. The manager is Asian, black hair, 5'6". A lot of marijuana is grown on the first floor. A lot of finished products. No escape from the house. Only work but no no salary I want to leave here we tried to escape but failed we were beaten please come and save us whoa so they got slaves working making the weed in Maine yeah Shanghai yeah yeah that shit's strong that's the shit that the boring mechanics are smoking Isn't that crazy that there's fucking crazy slaves in America right now growing weed for China

Let's see where this is gonna go it's fucking interesting I saw this a couple weeks, so I read the article my oh, and then that guy said it on your podcast I'm like we said about farmland. Yeah. I didn't know it was happening like that. The fuck you think they're doing? Growing fucking bean sprouts, the soy sprouts? They're going for it, Jack. Well, they're controlling farmland. It's around military bases.

That's what's scary. And a lot of Chinese were coming through the border with these guys. Yeah, military age. A lot of Chinese. So let's see where this hand is getting played. Not only a lot of Chinese, but they have Chinese stops Where you can go and everybody speaks Chinese along the way and they have a Chinese restaurant

Everything's written in Chinese Chinese signs everywhere So they have like a very specific organized route to get to America and these guys all young fit guys Coming to America like what are you doing? Like, what the fuck is going on here? We're just basically sitting ducks. We're waiting. Yeah, we're sitting ducks. And there was a big warning today,

Homeland Security's warning about terrorist attacks in America. That's what scares me about this fucking election too. I'm not I'm not saying that they would do this but I'm I definitely think they have in the past like allowed things to happen just so they can tighten up on restrictions and laws and scare people more and get people to vote one way or another Scary shit looking at weird times my friend the weirdest right the fucking weirdest in ever in your life could you ever imagine things be so bizarre as they are

right now they've been bizarre for about five years now where you just can't believe the shit you're hearing and you just say you know what I'm gonna stick to my camp I'm good here it was bizarre in 2017 but it wasn't bizarre like now No, this is this is insane. Did he get arrested? I mean just everything every bridge getting hit Yeah, something every fucking week every day, you know Trump 480 million. Yeah, you know, they need it by Monday I thought Mark Cuban would bail him out.

I didn't know who the fuck was going to bail him out. Yeah, how does that work? I think they knocked it down to $175 billion. They asked him, how's he going to pay it? He goes, cash. And that is worth $6. something billion because of the social deal. Right.

It's all stock, I guess. Right. The whole thing, I'm not a financial guy, obviously, but I think the whole thing is liquidity. How much money do you actually have coming in? How much is it tied up in real estate investments and holdings and Trump's got buildings and hotels and resorts and da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

It's a lot, a lot going on. How the fuck can he pay attention to all that shit? You imagine running some kind of a business empire trying to pay attention to everything dog I met him when he was fucking at a football team really yeah he owned the fucking generals that's how I knew her she'll walk in those people that's how I met those dudes when was this fucking 85 Trump only Trump in 85 long time ago was he was he like in 85? Hello. Goodbye. I don't fucking know it's not like we hung out Mmm, I was scared of them. Why because it was like I told you when I got out of jail

I was supposed to have a job selling siding and doors and saddles and electrical equipment an indoor salesman in Jersey And when I got out of prison, I go I'm out. Can I come take the job now? He goes I can't we're going out of business. And I go, what happened? He goes, Trump built something. He was going to these little hardware stores like ours, told us to go fuck ourselves. We're done. I knew this in 88. What do you mean? At that time, supposedly, he would build something. It's like it's like you coming to somebody a little restaurant and going I want to build my own fucking steak and

You know he would go to people and say I'm gonna build this and then use your lumber or whatever the fuck And since there's so much with contractors the subcontractors and subcontractors They would stiff their bills. They weren't paying their bills. Really? Yeah. This one out of the line. You can look it up. This isn't something, you know, and that's all I remember from Trump. I met him in 85 and I fucking, that was my only thing with Trump. You know, if you're from New York, you know who he is. You've been hearing the name growing up.

Yeah. I remember hearing about this from you actually now you were telling me that there was with contractors yeah stiff small contractors small contractors and then we'll go downhill you know run downhill so now I gave you all the doors I had for your project Trump just wasn't building one house with one window I'm giving you everything on the arm yeah you gave me a deposit maybe sometimes window. I'm giving you everything on the arm. Yeah, you gave me a deposit. Maybe sometimes not. Maybe I'm so excited to do business with Trump. I got such a small place that I forget everything. You know, whatever the fuck happens. Yeah. So that's what happened in 88. I mean, I don't know the whole story, but he mentioned Trump. That's all I remember

from that fucking guy. Mm. I would also imagine if you're doing some big projects like that, it's probably a lot He mentioned Trump. That's all I remember from that fucking guy. Mmm. I would also imagine if you're doing some big projects like that, it's probably a lot of people involved. A lot of people. Making decisions. A building? Yeah.

A building? He's the GC. He takes bids for everything else, right? That's how it usually works. Is that what Trump does as a real estate developer? I don't know how it goes down, but there's a GC, a general contractor, and then there's windows, wiring general contractor and then there's Windows wiring, you know all the different departments. Uh-huh. You don't know what everybody's doing

Right, you got 20 people in your fucking building, right? You know when you built the comedy club, how many people were fucking there every day? Yeah a lot You don't know right? You don't know you're not a contractor. So you don't know if they're doing the wall, right? You know, you just trust whatever so this is all I remember. That was it hmm Yeah Well, the whole construction business was always shady and it was always tied up with the mob Like I knew a couple guys who had no no show up John. Yeah, I get the Javits Center

Yeah, just you just get paid concrete. Yeah, they own concrete That was the thing the mob would make deals whenever any sort of job was getting done Did have a certain amount of no-show jobs for their guys always? Always that's behind you get insurance. Mm-hmm. And that's where when you when you arrest those guys and you go What do you do for a living the Carpenters? Yeah,ers' Union, you don't even know what an inch is. You don't even know how to measure six inches, you fuck. Yeah, it was a scam. But it was how they avoided taxes too, right?

Because taxes was what brought a lot of them down. That's what brought Al Capone down, tax evasion. Tax evasion. But the other guys were pretty smart. They had that the millionaire Club the bid club. They would only do two million dollar bids or something They would take two million right off the top the mob on every job Are you fucking kidding me? Mmm

Just are you kidding me every job in New York? You know if it's well known that when the little guy from Arizona who was over there with Gotti He controlled construction like that was this fucking thing. Yeah. You couldn't get anything built without that fucking dude. Do you imagine if you live in New York City at that time and you're trying to build buildings and you got to do deals with the mob and you got to do deals with Sammy the Bull? Well, here's the deal. Like I remember in 80, 90, I was roofing and the company was from Jersey and my brother-in-law and I asked him You know, why'd you pick up this job? He was telling me it's just so difficult. I go. What do you mean?

He goes take the dumpster That dumpster that they pick up every day and take off and they bring another one. Mm-hmm in Colorado at the time was $200 That same dumpster in New York was $2,000 a day That's how inflated the prices were. $1,800 different. It's fucking crazy. That's what the cost of doing fucking construction, you know, in New York. Trevor Burrus Wow.

But it was always a corrupt town. Like that's why it took the UFC forever to get into New York. It was… John McPherson Yeah. You got to pay the right… look at these people waiting for licenses. Yeah. I know people in Jersey waiting for a license since I landed. I got a license.

You got to grease 80 fucking people. 80 people. You got to know people, pay. I know companies that are still waiting for a license from LA. They just thought they were going to come and apply in New Jersey or in New York City. Look at New York City. They had a thing. They were giving licenses only to people who had felonies. Did you remember that? In New York, they wanted the ideal medical marijuana owners, an ex-convict who went to prison or got in trouble for marijuana. This is a second chance. Check it out. It's fucking

insane. Can't get a license in New Jersey. That is kind of crazy, but they should do something for those poor fucks that went to jail for weed. Nobody should ever went to jail for weed. No. It's ridiculous. No. It's a ridiculous thing to put people in jail for. And you put people in a cage for that, especially while everything else is okay. Doesn't make any sense. Look what you're finding out now. Look at this guy today. I got in the Uber fresh out of smoking a fucking joint of this shit this morning.

Thank God the guy was Cuban. When they send you the Uber name, the guy's name was Antonio. I go, he's Cuban. Got in the car. I was in the car two minutes. He goes, oh yeah, look, I ta fumando, cunho. What is that shit? And I just gave him the canister, I go, smell this.

He's like, wow. And this is a guy that's been in this country for 10 years. And he said to me, you know, I don't know what the fuss is about this. This is a magical herb. People don't realize when you smoke this, pains go away, you start thinking clearer He goes it takes time. There's a fucking Uber driver telling me this shit

Yeah, and I asked him how do you know about this stuff because in Cuba were growing wheat Really was outdoor wheat you couldn't get wasn't that strong and sometimes they bring it from Jamaica That's he was saying we were getting Cuba weed from Jamaica Because you know I mean the soil is done in Cuba really Well, they're complaining about cigars these cigars aren't tasting the same they said the fucking soil has just been abused There's no nourishment right this guy was telling me today It costs more for a pack of chicken in Cuba than what does in the United States a Gallon of gas cost more in Cuba than what it does right here now, here in Austin.

Well, it makes sense. I mean, it makes sense. You have to have infrastructure. You have to have capitalism. You have to have people competing. That whole communism thing doesn't work. And the thing is, like, the thing that the people that love communism point to, they're like, yeah, but we put an embargo on Cuba.

Like, what if we didn't do that? Yeah? It's still a dictatorship. It still is. You get told what you're doing with your life. You don't want that. Nobody wants that. You might think that that is better because there's

no rich people. If that's what you're thinking, you're missing everything because that means everybody's poor. You don't want everybody to be poor. You want everybody to have a chance to be well off. That's what you have here. Now, some people, they get a bad roll of the dice. They get a bad hand of cards. They get a bad situation in life. They get a bad place that they live and they're fucked. This is true And it's not fair. It's not fair in terms of equal opportunity. It's not. But in terms of opportunity, there's

no place better than right here. And there's no place better with actual capitalism. You can do great things. You can do great things not just for you, but for other people. You can do great things if people give you the freedom to do great things. But if you live in a socialist country You don't have any of that. You don't get to decide what you do

The state gets to decide and how do they enforce that there's only one way force military There's only one way to get people to follow the rules of communism and socialism and it's always a dictatorship It's always one group has all the money and all the power and they tell you what the fuck You're gonna do and if you don't do it They kill you or they lock you up in jail and they threaten people and they scare people and they make people disappear So everybody stays in line and that is what people always do whenever you get a communist country If you ask any of these wacky kids and colleges, give me an example of socialism that works They'll give you like socialist programs or countries like some Norwegian countries that have a lot of socialist programs that are

really good countries. They have really good health care, really good education, you pay a lot in taxes, but it goes a long way. And they have a better society because of it. That's great. But they still have the freedom to do whatever the fuck they want to do. they still have the freedom to do whatever the fuck they want to do. They still have the freedom to do whatever kind of occupations they want. You have the ability to make a shitload of money. You have the ability to excel.

The problem is people want a quality of outcome when they don't have anything. But you're never going to have that. Because first of all, it's impossible. But second of all, because you're never going to have a quality of effort. And one of the things that a competitive environment or a place like America, where you have freedom is some people put more into life. They put more into the things they do and they get more back.

They get more out of it and they're inspiring to other people to do the same. And you see them live a rich and fulfilled life and you're inspired to do the same that's not happening to Cuba bro that is not happening no that's not happening in any of these communist countries go to North Korea tell ask me how it worked out when they made a deal to take over all the farm so that no one would ever go hungry let the state control everything what a a great idea. Everybody give up your farm to the state. Now you're fucked. Now you're fucked. That's the beauty, you know, as somebody who knew that other side, not from living it, but just from hearing the stories, it makes you appreciate this so much more.

Yeah. That, listen, you could, you could fall into place in this country or you don't need a ceiling over your income. This is the greatest thing about this country. It's like when I first got out there, I always worked on commission, Joe. I don't want your hourly wage. Shove that up your fucking ass. I'm going to come here and prove myself. You want me to sell cars?

I sell cars. You want me to sell doors, the signs? I sell them, but I'm doing it on commission. I want the most that I could get for that fucking thing. Right. Most people don't, I did that at 19. I knew for me it was going to be commission work. Yeah, and it's a dangerous choice. It's a dangerous choice, but it's based on you. Right. With the effort you put into it. Exactly. If you want to sell. When I worked at Foot Locker, With the effort you put into it exactly if you want to sell when I worked at Foot Locker I was the number one fucking sneaker dude at Foot Locker

You know and it took me a while, but I fucking went you know right and then when I started selling cars again I went for it because I loved it. I learned about salesmanship. I learned about Human nature yeah, I learned that you have to mail letters to people those are the guys I know they're not gonna buy a car, but if you send a hundred letters three people have to buy a fucking car Mmm, so you're working on all numbers, right? The United States is a beautiful fucking place Because a guy like me could write a book Think about that. Yeah, you know a guy like me could you know went to prison? Had you know, I didn't get Social Security

when my mother died, because she worked under a fucking alias. You know, everything got beat up on me. Let me tell you what's about to happen. I'm going to retire when I'm 65, collect Social Security, and my daughter gets Social Security now for three years, which is like 1800 a month for college or whatever the fuck, you know.

I don't give a fuck. So it all came out in the wash 40 years fucking later. I didn't have the social security for me because my mom used the alias, but what my point is So you can do whatever you fucking want you saw it show yeah We were talking about today kids were coming down here with cars living in their cars And look what they're doing now because they believe in themselves you gave them a fucking door and they fucking took it most people are still now like, my agent said nothing gonna happen at all okay you know it's the same thing some people take chances some people sit there waiting for the bluebird of

happiness yeah that's the other option you have in this country you can actually sit and wait for the blue birds of happiness. When I came out of prison, all I had to do was sign a piece of paper and I'm disabled for life. I got a $1,300 check every month. And some people would take that and go, look at me, I'm living like a doctor. Think about that. Some people would go, $1,300 a month?

Fuck, that's me. Food stamps? That's me. I can still take my bills. I could still you know, yes fucking insane So insane it's the choices that you make and it can imprison you that kind of money Even a small amount of money can imprison you that's what scares me about universal basic income You know people say if they gave everybody X amount of money people could just pursue their dreams and they wouldn't have to worry about food No, they probably won't No, you can't give anything to anybody We're humans. Yeah, we take it for granted. Yeah, we get ten checks in the mail for a thousand a month

They cut us off. We don't know what the fuck happened. Right? I rather not get anything What were all these people after coven everybody fucking got checks in the mail now you can't get in people work no more can get people to work you go to a place that's a great restaurant or something and the first three people you face don't even know what fuck they're at right but they had a higher you know you gave people money now i'm not gonna come back

they don't build ways not to come back people are living it up during covid dug living it up unemployment this that we still had to go out there and crack fucking stupid jokes outside getting attacked by fucking spiders and shit thinking there's a leopard in the fucking thing seriously yeah the first time i went outside with rich ross i didn't know what the fuck that was a bat almost hit me on stage and I told them he goes all you missed the other night There was a fucking bear and the way what the fuck are you talking about? There's a bear in the world. I don't know what he was talking about some bear or boar Well, there's a lot of them out there in New Jersey, right? Yeah, you were telling me last time but you know America's fucking beautiful man

Where else can a felon with two strikes? I got two strikes. My next strike is life, right? They give you like 20 years if you have three strikes When have you met a guy that's down on two strikes? That did anything you just give up. Yeah, they're gonna get me. I refused I told him suck my dick even when the feds are looking for me in 99 for that gun. I Wasn't coppin. I don't know what you're talking about. I Don't know man. I'm not doing it. This is the path I'm taking. I don't know what and I never got in trouble again Joe Never, you know comedy became

You need something to get you out of that. Yes. You know, I just didn't stop doing coke. Nobody just stops doing coke, Joe. They go to eight rehabs. But I saw something on the other side. I saw what my friends were doing. I saw what people were doing. And once you hear about Roseanne getting the Tonight Show, were you there? No. Were you there when fucking Rodney blew up the garden? No. To see it is something completely different. When you're at the store with guys working the door, getting, how much were we getting? 25 a shift. She was paying me $25 on Sunday nights to work the door

and 25 to MC. That's no money but you fall in love with what you're doing. Yeah and you know there's a path. And there's a path and when you start seeing other people rise and you're stuck as a fucking addict. You're fucking stuck. You don't know when to stop. I was stuck as an addict and I got to being stuck as a fat dude because there was a point if my elevator broke I wouldn't leave the fucking house I'm not walking those three flights of stairs I was 450 pounds I'm not doing we really that big for 18 for 20 I was my wife was tying my shoelaces you know embarrassing that fucking is wow not fucking embarrassing that is looking back at it now people

come to visit you and Jack that's bullshit life man yeah there's so much out there Joe there's so fucking and now I could that's what I'm trying to sell to my daughter there's so much out there yeah you know people in New Jersey all they know is Florida I've never seen fucking people love Florida so much I can't stand fucking Florida because they like it so much you know vacations for fucking Florida because they like it so much You know vacations for people in Jersey and one week in Atlantic City. They bust out the white shoes Then there's one week in Florida. That was not gonna be me. Did you see that cop on TV? Which yesterday they were saying if someone breaks in your house in Florida, please shoot them. We prefer if you shoot them That's what we've gotten to now. Did you see that guy? Have you seen it, Jamie?

I'll send it to you. I mean, he's getting a lot of heat today. Ah, is he? I don't know, not in Florida. I bet they're like, fuck yeah. God bless Florida. Want me to get this in a little brother? Yeah.

Thank you, sir. It's a year ago, I guess. Oh, is it? This is the same one. Yeah, that's the guy. He says, yeah. Saves taxpayers money if you shoot home invaders. Probably right here. Unoccupied dwelling felony third.

Seven charges total. His bond is $157,500. And I want to say, as to the person, we don't know what homeowner, which homeowner shot at him. I guess they think that they did something wrong, which they did not. If somebody's breaking in your house, you're more than welcome to shoot them in Santa Rosa County. We prefer that you do actually. Um, so whoever that was, you're not in trouble. Come see us. We have a gun safety class we put on every other

Saturday. And if you take that, you'll shoot a lot better and hopefully you'll save taxpayers money. Hilarious. That's Florida. And then DeSantis just came out because all these houses are getting people are squatting, taking over people's houses in New York. I'm sure you've seen that lady got arrested because she changed the locks on her own house. Someone squatting in her house. She got into the house, kicked them out, changed the locks. They called the cops.

They said they're tenants. They arrest her. Took her away in handcuffs because squatters were in her own house. And then there's this guy on TikTok that started making videos explaining to people what the laws are and how you can get into people's houses and how you can squat. And so it's a genuine problem because in Georgia, there's a thousand houses right now that people are squatting in That's all that's a giant number of houses that squatters have just taken over these people's houses Are the people out of town out of town or it's real estate holding, you know, maybe trying to sell it Maybe it's your vacation house. Who knows maybe you're fixing it up who knows but no one's living in it

They move in they take over they have it now. Is that everywhere now? It's a lot of states, but it's not Florida and Florida They're like fuck you like like DeSantis just had a little press conference yesterday about it It's like in Florida that does not fly. You know, there is no way anyone's gonna squat in your house in Florida Which is what people want to hear You know, nobody wants their fucking, look, if you work really hard, you get a house and you have a second house, you can use it as a rental property or whatever, you're trying to make some money, and then someone takes over that and the system works for them and

not for you, there's a big difference between tenants and squatters. And if you can't make that differentiation, we got a real problem. We got a big problem. Yeah a real problem a big problem. Yeah That's a big problem. That's somebody's gonna get shot. That's it. Oh hundred percent. That's how this changes This is how this always yes some guy comes home. What the fuck are you eight people doing here? Yeah, not supposed to be he don't know nothing. He's from Russia. Uh-huh. You don't know nothing He's an old fucking guy from Iran or something. You know nothing Mm-hmm,'re in my house.

And they'll put him in jail. And they'll put him in jail. But who'll shoot those eight motherfuckers? Something bad will happen. And that's how it changes, Joe. The thing is, once people start going to jail for defending their own property, you've made a mess. You've made a mess.

You've made a giant mess. And then the criminals are going to be aware of this, and they already are. They already are. They're two steps ahead of you, criminal. Yeah, they're two steps ahead. They know what the rules are, and they're going to get are there two steps ahead of you yeah there are two steps ahead they know what the rules are and they're gonna get attorneys that are gonna work with them and they're gonna steal your house so let me ask you this you go on vacation with your wife I move into your living

room you come back you're just gonna greet me with nice eyes and say I don't know how that works you're gonna go call 911 there's a squad of here you gotta get him out he's gonna come go no how long a squatter here, you gotta get him out, he's gonna come, go no. How long have you been here? I don't know, we were in Europe, you know, whatever. Is that what you're fucking telling me? Well, I think some people can't physically do anything, right, because they get in the house

and there's men in there. Do you see about that lady in New York City? She went to clean out her mom's place and there were squatters in there and they killed her. Yeah, they just caught these guys, young guys. They just, same thing, they figured out there was no one in there, broke in, changed the locks, whatever, fixed it, stayed there. You know how this changes brother. Yeah. It's always one guy that makes an example, makes a big deep example and then people go out and I will think twice about doing that.

It seems like the only way to really change is the law. It's just I don't understand why there's so many laws that have been around for so long that when you see common sense solutions like Ron DeSantis saying, no, you can't do that. Stop, that's not gonna happen in Florida. That should be every state. They should say, no, you can't steal people's houses.

That should be simple. That has nothing to do with being Democrat or Republican. It's like stealing property, just like no one should be able to steal your car. No one should be able to steal your clothes. They shouldn't be able to steal your house. It seems that's logical. It has nothing to do with racism or xenophobia or white privilege or any of these dumb things they try to attach to this. It's just law and order. We have to have a set of laws that we all abide by if we're going to have a peaceful society where you don't create victims and you don't empower criminals. And the fact that that is complicated in 2024 is so strange

to me. I just don't understand almost like it's on purpose like it's meant to keep things chaotic keep us You know on our heels keep us at each other's throats. Keep us just trying to figure out What's the next problem they have to deal with and all the while? There's all this shit going on Ukraine There's all this shit going on with green energy and Bill Gates is buying farmland like God, can I have a fucking a moment where I could just relax or even the squatters thing when did this start? This started coming up about three, four years ago during COVID didn't it? Or was it around before? It was definitely around before, but I think it has ramped up

considerably as things got more woke. Because I think as things get more woke because I think as things get more woke you start looking towards rights of squatters they don't have nowhere to go well listen no one is in that home and no one should have a home that is unoccupied where people are homeless like okay I'm gonna take a piss God I wait till on order puts out an episode on squatters and I'll learn more about it and I'll come back and fucking drop it. Alright, we'll be right back. What did you bet? Dustin. You bet Dustin over Benoit Saint-Denis? I just looked at the card and I'm like, you know... It's a good bet. It was a good bet anyway. I like Cheeto and I like Sugar, so I couldn't pick one there. And then all the hype around

the guy and Dustin, I go everybody's betting this fucking soldier so I just took a chance to watch the fights it's not like I bet all the fights I just bet I would have liked to see that fight with him not having staff he was gonna have a hard prime time with Dustin stand up anyway Dustin stand up is just sharper more battle tested Ben was send to me started off as a judo guy and he has very good stand up but there's levels and I think Dustin's level is extremely high. His level stand up is extremely high. You see that like when he fought Max Holloway. He out boxed Max Holloway in that fight. That was a big one. And Max can box. Max can box. A lot of people are counting him out in this Justin Gagey fight

You know But he's got a lot of time to prepare for this the first fight when he fought 55 when he fought Dustin That was a short notice fight. He didn't have time to like really bulk up like well I don't know how short notice it was but I know he didn't bulk up I think he just tried to fight, you know just be 145 but not cut weight, you know, which is his natural weight class Who's in Newark? You're doing that card. Let's pull it up. What's the Newark card? Have they announced that? Tell you when that is. I know they have that one like city card this month. I saw the ad. Yeah, that's this weekend

Okay, Chris Wiedman's fighting. Yeah I think it's I think it's the first week in June yes it's June 1st UFC Newark who's that it's on the list yeah that's far ahead so here we are in March April May June it's probably not scheduled yet they're probably have like tentative fight set and it probably is dependent upon who wins what and who's healthy when bro. This one Whitaker versus Hamsa Chamayev in Saudi Arabia. That one is

gonna be fucking wild. That's a wild one. That is a wild fight. Calvin Gaslim versus D rod. that's a great fight too. Is that the only two fights that have been announced so far? Bro, Whitaker versus Hamsot is legit. That's a real fight. That's a real fight for Hamsot. Because Whitaker is a big dude. He's a big, I mean solid, beefy 185, former champion. You know, both guys started at 170 but they were cut, it was too hard to make the 170. That's a real 185er as opposed to like, you know, they gave him Kamaru Usman and Kamaru didn't have a chance to prepare for that. He had 10 days, you know, that's not enough time. I mean, I don't know what kind of shape he was in. Couldn't really test. He's always in shape. He's always in shape. Always. Sure. But famously, Camaro has bad knees, like real bad knees. So I don't know how hard he was training, whether or not he prepares the way

like maybe he only like sacrifices his knees during training. And then when he's not training for a fight, he takes it easy. So he doesn't stay in the same kind of shape. I don't know but I know he was winning in the third round. I mean if that was a five-round fight who knows how the fuck that fight would have went and you know obviously Kamaru's world championship caliber the best welterweight of all time by most people's accounts and you know it's not enough time not enough time to get a guy like that to prepare for Kam to prepare for Homs on but at least we got a chance to see what Homs out looks like against a world-class world championship caliber

fighter so this was a big one this is Robert Whitaker with plenty of time to prepare the guy who is just as legit as they get just be Paul Costa, you know, that's a good fight. I like that How about my boy Demetrius last weekend? How crazy is that? How crazy is that he's so great Mighty Mouse took on a guy who's 250 pounds. Fuck me up Fucking 250 and he tapped him the dude was heavier than him by a hundred pounds the guy was enormous so much bigger than him that's great well that's what I'm like god damn he's great he is great I'm brown belt yep I'm brown he's great at

everything too so this is him going through the tournament is that what this is so this is him and the giant dude. Look at the size difference. I thought it was Kurt Metzger. Look how big that is. This is big. Yeah. Well, Mighty Mouse is so slick.

Got him on like a trip. There it is. And then managed to stay on top, which is really crazy. That's just crazy that you couldn't get him off of him. That's technique. Pretty wild that he's even willing to do this while he's competing. I mean, I think he's the champion over at 1fc still So he's still doing MMA still doing like high-level champion fights and he's fighting in the ghee and the ghee tournament which is just nuts

Gotta love man. Yeah, it's just crazy that he stayed on top of this guy. Then he got his back No, I think he tapped the guy. Didn't he? I feel like he tapped him. Yeah, here it is. He got him with some kind of a choke. So he's got his collar. He tapped him.

Look at that. That's crazy. No audience. Look at that. That's the thing about jujitsu tournaments. No one's there. I mean some of the best... look how he rolled them too. Holy shit. Pretty wild. Rolled them and held... it looks like he's holding on to the collar and tapping them with his collar.

Like a bow and arrow? Yeah. Yeah. Amazing. He's probably the best ever in terms of- My palms get sweaty though. I know. I love watching that shit. In terms of like just pure martial arts technique, I think the best expression of martial arts I've ever seen is Mighty Mouse. Did you have Hodge on yet?

Hodge Gracie? Yeah. No. He was looking to get on. Okay. I'll get a hold of him. Because he was down here. Oh, was he?

Three months ago he was down here. With Hensel School? Some where and one of my friends called me, he goes, can you get him on? I go, no, it's short notice, Rogan's booked. You know, you're in advance. Yeah, we're booked out pretty far. I get these text messages. I love watching.

Jiu Jitsu is so much like comedy. How so? It's so much, man. In what way? The longer you're in it, the prettier it gets. And the, you know, I'm watching Tom, I'm watching you the other night, we're at a point where it's effortless.

It's second nature. You know what I'm saying? Like it's just beautiful to see. You know, comedy is great. The 10 year mark is great. The 20 year mark, something happens to you. It really does. Everything clicks.

And it's like with this art, Jiu-Jitsu, you get in there, you get beat up for a year. And then one day you start doing little things and you're like, oh, shit, this ain't that bad. Right. And it's the same thing. But once you put it all together, like when we're talking about David Tell special, it's a thing of beauty, man. Yeah. It's a thing of fucking beauty.

That's a thing of beauty. When my hands get pumped, sweaty like that, I know that that's fucking beautiful. Yeah, it's years and years and years of work. I've always loved, like you went to see the Black Keys last week. I love this. I love that you're going out and catching live music. It makes my dick hard. I wish I went to as much live music as you, but Jersey's a fucking nightmare. You have the Starland ballroom and shit and all. I just can't. You got the heavy metal

shit. I can't. But I wish because that's how you get better at all this shit is by getting entertained. That's how you- That's all this shit is by getting entertained. Mm-hmm. That's how you that's a moon He always used to say that's getting creative when I went to your sea fighting So I'm gonna hit an acid and saw Anderson kick that dude in the face. I went right up to my room and wrote a joke I'm like, this is fine. You know, it just inspires you. Yeah, but they're that good We used to always talk about Anderson how he could look at you and pinpoint the shot and he was accurate That's a thing of art man. It is an art. What am I talking about? Yeah, it is an art Dog I swallow like two of these ends. What's gonna happen?

I'm gonna blow his info tonight in that fucking green room. Yeah, you're gonna shit out those little town. Oh Jesus I keep swallowing. Yeah, don't swallow those little bags, you know, I'll swallow. What do you gotta do? Nothing. I don't think it's gonna hurt you at this point. I used to swallow gum till I was 30 Shit, they say that gum gets stuck inside. Yeah, that's why I swallow gum for fucking years I think that's a total myth and once you're so deep in it, you're like, I'm not gonna stop now Now I spit it out, but before I would always fucking swallow Well, have you seen that thing that people are doing now where they make them swallow a balloon? They swallow a balloon to deal with their weight loss.

Have you seen that? No. Yeah, so they swallow this bag. It's like this little tiny thing. It's about that big and it's attached to a tube and they swallow the whole thing and the tubes coming out of their mouth as they're swallowing it. So they have a glass of water, they swallow it. It gets down in there, and then once it's in their stomach, they pump it up, and they fill this bag, and this bag takes up a lot of room in your stomach. So you get full much quicker. And so that's the thing that keeps people from, you know, you know, they overeat. They just can't stop themselves.

They don't feel full. People want to feel to feel full And so this bag you swallow this thing Yeah, what do they inflate it with? Is it water? So they go in swallow it take this tube that they were showing it for a second They were showing it and I think when you've lost the weight that you want to lose, they can deflate it. But then my worry would be that then you have this stretched out stomach that needs to get full again. Dog, after I asked your advice on the gastric thing, you said you look into it. I really thought about it. Not the gastric thing, just all these get out quick things. Yeah. You know.

Let's like go Zempik now. Did you hear what I was talking about last night on stage? Because I wrote that out the other day. It was a stupid joke but I think that people are gonna go on to Zempik now. Alright, a lot of people and the fat man is gonna come back stronger. What's the name of that show? The 600 pound fat dude? Yeah, my 600 pound life You know all this shit's gonna we're gonna come back bigger and stronger fat dudes You know I'm saying like You're just doing all this shit, but if you just lift weights and walk a little bit

You and watch yourself just a little tiny bit. You know all these get rich squeak schemes Yeah, if I go down to 265 I'll do all that because then I get stuck at 265 do you yeah I get stuck at 271 270 but you when you did weight watchers you got down low how low were you when you were what I am now that's the lowest you've ever been yeah 277 277, 274. 274 was my lowest weight. But I wasn't lifting weights. I thought you were lighter than that. No, I wasn't doing shit. I was walking and kickboxing, no weights. And now you're doing weights? No, you gotta do the weights at this age. I think so. Very important. I think it's

important for like bone density. For dog, that's Sarko-Pinje, you lose it quick. Yeah. that's quick yeah and it's they're not asking you to fucking be an olympic lifter they're not asking you look at all the things they're not asking you they're just asking you for 30 minutes a day of resistance training hmm yeah just a little bit of something to keep the muscles going the thing about it was then because some people have pretty bad side effects. And, you know, it's just, essentially it's doing is limiting your appetite.

Essentially it's doing something very similar to what this balloon thing does. And I think you can get that done with a high protein diet. You can limit your appetite by just going on a carnivore diet. I know a lot of people that have done that and lost a lot of weight. Just carnivore?

Yeah. You get satisfied way easier. Two eggs, six eggs for breakfast, and the steak. Eggs and meat, and your body just adjusts. Your body turns the protein into glucose, and it turns the fats into ketones. For me, it just seems to work better. And I know a lot of people that have had a problem with carbohydrates, they start to look I had those guys do it for World Carnivore Month, the comics that I've got working out at the gym, I'm like, who wants to commit to this? Entire month of January, nothing but meat. And they did it. And they're like, dude, I feel so much more energetic. I'm not tired in the middle of the day. I'm like,

yeah, that's like a carb crash. You're getting like an insulin crash in the middle of your day because you're eating carbs and sweets and sugar and bread and pasta and rice and all this stuff. If you eliminate that stuff from your diet, it takes a while for your body to adjust. It took me like a couple of weeks when I first did it. But then once your body adjusts, you just feel like you have an extra gear. You have more energy. You feel clear-headed. You feel better. Why just all that meat Joe scares the shit out of me, man Yeah In what way I don't know. I get a little iffy with a lot of meat the iffy late at night

I could probably blast fucking three eggs in a yeah, then have eggs scrambled eggs They're easy eggs are easy. They're easy to digest. They're they're super nutritious, they're so good for you. You could live off nothing but eggs. Eggs are great. Seven grams of protein. Yeah. Eggs are fantastic. 21 fucking grams, man, you know?

Not bad. Yeah, it's fucking good for you. And all the stuff that says it's not good for you is nonsense, it's just good for you. Eggs are good, they're healthy. Does our girl like the Carnivore diet? Who, Rhonda? Yeah, she she likes it but I think she thinks that you should have vegetables too and some people do think I'm eating blueberries like a motherfucker

blueberries are great she said makes you smarter I'm eating blueberry yes watch one of the things blueberries actually make you smarter but interesting how's my cue I have no idea listen to that my attention man more blueberries I love it though I do everything she says anytime she today she put a video her fucking working out I wonder how they would figure out whether or not blueberries make you smarter they give you blueberries and make you take a test and then make you do a survey you know her bro yeah a group of six people got together in Norway

Fucking blueberries for a month and the thing about that though is you have to look at like healthy healthy subject bias or healthy Statistics bias because like the people that are in that group They're eating blueberries in the beginning or to begin with are probably healthier people. Healthier people might be a little smarter, you know, like more aware of what, like, the effects of eating good food does to your body. So healthy user bias is real. I don't know, though.

I don't know how they did the study. But a lot of those studies are, they're weird. It's just, you get a sense of what's true and what's not, but also people manipulate those studies, and they make studies designed to get the result that they're trying to achieve because they're trying to sell you something. I get very nervous when all these people are on the sozampic stuff. I just get very nervous because Brian Simpson had a horrible side effect. He was fucked.

He was wrecked. He stayed at home for days. Listen, from all the experience we have Of everything that's come out the last couple fucking days the last couple years Here it says dr. Ron de patrick blueberry concentrate increased blame brain blood flow brain Activation and working memory in adults compared to placebo mmm concentrated blueberry juice Interesting and so it improves brain function in older people. Let's go. Let's get a

blueberry smoothie. Get the party rolling. I do them all the time. Open up water, blueberries, a little protein powder. Nice. BANGO! They're good for you. I mean what stops that crash in the afternoon. I've been getting it since I turned 58 well never slept before in the daytime now. You're taking naps 4 o'clock. Yeah, I mean my world ends It's the saddest thing not even reefer edibles Nothing once she gets home from school. I talked to her. We look at the homework Take a room. I go downstairs my she gets home from school, I talk to her, we look at the homework, she goes to her room, I go downstairs, my wife gets home, and at about 4.15, I can't even hear you. It's not about, I just gotta get up and walk to bed. She knows already. And I crash for an hour and four minutes, an hour and six. I get up for like 15 minutes, I feel

like shit, then I'm ready to attack 20 fucking people. The first 15 minutes. I feel like shit that I'm ready to attack 20 fucking people The first 15 minutes. I always feel shitty like man. I shouldn't have slept in the afternoon But some days I have it some days. I don't how much carbs you're eating. I eat that wheat bread in the morning, oh and I Really wanted to try intermittent fasting Yeah, I get dizzy like I get what Duncan gets like you don't eat and drive like if I don't eat and drive a long distance I'm done. I get dizzy and shit. That's it. What happened to my friend Tommy?

No, Tommy jr. He he was Shoveling snow clean his driveway out that you got called into work on a Sunday something happened and so he shoveling his snow and You know, he's not in the best shape shovel snow heavy snow it's all the whole driveway gets done drives in his car falls asleep at the wheel and slams into a wall And he got pretty fucked up bunch of broken bones Yeah, he's still not better those this was months. So what was the result of the map from the shoveling? Yeah, he just blacked out behind the wheel. Yeah,

just exhaustion. You know, not in the best of like, lifting snow is not good. It's a motherfucker, dude. It's a real workout. If you get wet snow, and you got a whole driveway full of that shit, and you know, you're digging in and lifting it up and digging in and lifting up your legs, your back, your arms. But isn't the weather contribute to that? To what?

To that, that cold when you come out. Like I have a friend that I went to school with and I came back and how's your dad? He died shoveling snow. Well, it's a heart attack thing. It's exertion. All right, if you're not in shape Shoveling snow is equivalent to doing like a hard crossfit class If you're not in shape shoveling wet snow, no shit is remember we live in Colorado And the snow was light when it snowed in Jersey last time I shoveled and that's wet

Yeah, the only thing that that's wet. Yeah. The only thing that saved me was the slow amounts. Mm-hmm. Three inches, four inches, and I go out there early and get it. You get an 18-incher. Oh, you're done. Then I can't. And then it gets a little warmer, and then it starts to melt, and then you basically

got every shovel full is 45 pounds. MKBHD posted this when you shovel in snow this winter. Yeah. Look, his heart rate's 118 90 minutes. Yeah 1200 calories in 90 minutes of shoveling snow So get that every single smartwatch on earth should have snow shoveling as a workout type I don't know a soul in the Northeast that would disagree

It's fucking hard so if you're out of shape and you burn off a thousand calories like my boy Tommy and then you get behind the wheel, you fucking black out, you know? Let's see if Whoop's got a snow shovel. Probably didn't drink enough water. I don't think Whoop has a snow shoveling. I think you just have to put it in as a regular workout. But 90 minutes of work. So say if you have to leave your house at 630 you're you got to be out there minimum 5 p.m.

shoveling Yeah, I gotta leave in a half an hour and a half here we go so Basically you have to have very little clothes on because you're gonna sweat your dick off And you're gonna be out there every fucking shovel full is probably 35 45 pounds and then you look what you've cleared four feet not even and then you got to get in there and get it off the concrete and really scrape it down otherwise it's gonna melt and freeze again and then your whole garage all the way down your driveway is gonna be ice so you got to really scrape it. The ice is snubba show for a living 15 bucks an hour in 1983 I would sit out there shovel snow and case the apartments the

whole snowmass village every time people go skiing I know when they were leaving I knew the whole thing. Yeah we did that Newton. I shoveled snow for a living man it was eight hours a day. No, it was a full-time job in Snowmass Village Mm-hmm, you just applied for it 15 bucks an hour insurance after 90 days. It was a ski pass They fuck it was a job. It was a fucking job. That's what is your job. Not you've been to Aspen lately No, it's crazy. I'm going this summer. It's just I could just imagine Beverly Hills in the mountains. It's all these rich people and it's really weird. It's not what it used to be. No, I know. I go watch those old documentaries when Hunter S Thompson was there. Was he there when you

were there? Did you ever see him? Yeah. At Woody Creek. Did you go to the Woody Creek tavern? I used to go there to get weed and the nachos were fucking delicious there. Yeah, food's still great there. Did you go? Yeah. Is it still open? Yeah, it's still open. I ate there a couple years ago.

No shit. Yeah, we went to Aspen for a ski trip and I said, we got to go to Woody Creek Tavern. Gotta go pay respects. That was a place, think about an 18-year go pay respect. Ducks, that was a place. Think about an 18 year old kid. Just close your eyes for a minute. There it is. And I'm talking about, no!

Yep, still open. Oh, that changed a lot, dawgs. Did it? Yeah. What changed? It looks like a place now. Well, it's a lot of photos of people on the wall. When I was going in there it

looked like fucking a barn. Yeah? 83. I had a friend Kato, Keith Korn was his name and I told him, I go listen you got to deal with me. I love you to death don't knock my door unless you got the best weed in town. And when you do have the best weed in town knock on my door. I don't care if it's 2 in the morning, 3 in the morning and he would come over and tell me, I got great weed, we got to go to Woody Creek Tavern. First time I went in there. Now you want me to lie to you and tell you I knew who Hunter Thompson was? I don't know who the fuck he is. First time I went in there, he was in there with Bill Murray. Really?

And Don Johnson. Wow. All right. First time I went in there. I think – no, the second time was Don Johnson. Wow. Alright, first time I went in there. I think, no, the second time was Don Johnson, the first time it was Bill Murray. I got my weed, I got the nachos, I didn't say a word, I didn't need to think, you know, there was no pictures then. And I just walked out. And then on the way, the guy was telling me, who aren't there, it's Thompson was, then

a year later, the first movie came out. The first that was played by Bill Murray played him. That was with a Buffalo Room. That's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. And then I went in there a second time and I saw Don Johnson.

And that was fucking mind blowing. He was hotter than shit on Miami Vice and Then I went in there another time and one of the nitty-ditty group dirt band Were there with Hunter Thompson? It was a fucking party at that. Why I didn't I was a kid and they would tell you if you go to the Aspen Airport the bar Clint Eastwood's every night Aspen Airport, the bar, Clint Eastwood's there every night. Every fucking night.

And I would not go up there. For some reason I was just scared to meet Clint Eastwood. You were young. And Don Henley picked me up hitchhiking. Really? One time, I got in the car and he had that song, it was 83, 84, so he just put out Dirty Laundry. And he was big, the boys of summer.

Yeah. I'm in the fucking, because Aspen used to have a hitching post, okay? So when you finish your job at Aspen, you can just go to a hitching post and stand out there. If people went like this, that means they weren't going down valley. So if they did this to you, that means they were just going to Lake Snowmass or something like that. Right. Short trip. And people would pick you up all the fucking time and just talk to you, what's going on,

where you from, all from there. You know? And the first time it was Don Henley and I still lived in Basalt. And then 4th of July, 83, I moved to Snowmass and I was hitchhiking and John Denver picked me up in a Jeep. John Denver picked you up? John fucking Denver Joe. Wow. And I'm like, come on, this isn't, no. And he's like, if you're not doing anything, I'm doing the thing that he does a charity

up there every fucking year or something. I didn't even know. I was just in the car. He's saying come to the show? Yeah, like come up. It's free or some shit. I'm like, I just moved to Snowmass. Yeah, I come up. It's it's free of some shit. I'm like I just moved to snowmen I don't know anybody

Then like a month later go to conical in Old snow mass The snow mass village and there's old snow mass And I went to old snow mass because the guy was from New York and he had hot dogs And I remember going and seeing Goldie on With Kurt Russell like nothing sandals on the girl Kate Hudson was a baby well maybe two three four with her brother a little brother I was a little older than her maybe I used to see them

all the fucking time wow Sidney Portier used to come into the video store I was shit that's when I asked Robin Williams for an autograph. He told me no and he had body odor. He stunk so fucking bad he had been in the coke thing for like four fucking days. That was a magical, magical place for a kid at 18. It was just something different, man. And I did a movie with Adam Sandler and Don Johnson was in the back and I had to do a scene with him. And after every scene, we had to go into this closet and I would talk to him and I go, I still remember you when you got chased

down Galena Street. And he goes, you remember that? When Miami Vice was hotter than shit, like 86, I was an Aspen. And one night we were at like Patty Bugatti's and you see a bunch of people running down the street. it's a bunch of women chasing Don Johnson. Wow. He's fucking running with his bodyguard down the street of Aspen. Fucking crazy shit. I can't imagine what it's like now. It doesn't have that homie feeling. No it's

a different thing. On the way out of Aspen when you made that turn out before you hit that road, the 82, there used to be a fucking diner on the corner and they were known for their crumb cake and you could smell it. So all you smelled when you passed that was the crumb cake and the smell of the chicory, like the burning and people's fucking tremendous. Like I'd never smelled that before. Like all those things, it was just, I was like a kid in the candy store I'd be a culture shock to right coming from New Jersey shit

And I asked I remember the first month I come home and yell at my roommates. What the fuck did you do to me? They're all faggots They all say good morning and hello, and you know people pulling over do you need a ride get the fuck out of here? They're like no no you can't act like that. These people really want to help you. So what brought you to Aspen in the first place? My brother, Jimmy Burkle, he got thrown out of the Air Force Academy, and he went back home to get his weights,

to get his Olympic weights and speakers. We drove cross-country. He said he was going to Aspen. I knew nothing about it. So he said, fuck it, I'll go for a ride. I was, 20 people were looking for me. So I had no choice. So I came up with like 1500 bucks. I bought the car for us to drive in. The axle fell off. And it was weird because

he'd call me a date when he was leaving. But I was planning on robbing this bookmaker for a ton of dough. The guy had money in a linen closet and he would have like a register. It was like hundreds in the top, fifties in the second shelf. And every time I went in there, he would just open up the closet and take money out and pay us. And I go, we got to rob this guy. So I was waiting to rob this guy. I didn't want to go because I thought it was like a 20,000 day payday, right?

So I told him just leave and I'll get a plane ticket. When he got to Pennsylvania, the axle fell. So he had to get towed back. And once he came back, I knew I had to go. That was my sign. Like I got to go. He broke the fuck down, this guy, to come back. And then I said, fuck, and I went with him.

I took just, I was 18, I had no family, nothing going on and nothing to lose. My cousin was up there. I had a Cuban cousin Tweedy who got caught fucking throwing coke out of a bale. Remember I told you that? And then his nephew showed up to my show like a week later. He got coke out of a bale? He's the famous guy that he was throwing the coke out of an airplane. Oh he lived in He lived in Aspen that motherfucker did 25 years in America and another 15 the Bahamian jail really he's out now Wow, he's all you know, he's old so I went up there and I just it was uh

It was perfect for what I was just coming out of I lost my mother two years earlier I needed to fucking get some traction And I fell in that place you imagine man. I just fell into that fucking place pretty crazy pretty fucking crazy But a good shift of perspective right you get to see a totally different way to live. And I had to figure it out for myself. And I still been up there struggling and joining Colorado Mountain College. No high school diploma. Just walked in one day. I like to take some classes. You got the money, you can take them. Start taking six credits. Six credits a semester. Six credits. No high school diploma, math classes, the whole fucking thing, history. Then I went to Boulder and I joined Continuing at a Boulder.

And one day they came to me with a letter, Joe, and they're like, listen, you got too many credits there. You got to transfer it into a college. And I'm like, I got no high school diploma. And they're like, well, you can't take classes here. I didn't tell them that. I didn't have a high school diploma. And I like well you can't take classes here I didn't tell them that I didn't have a high school diploma and I applied for the University of Colorado on the Spanish program the some program they had you had to maintain a 2.0 and fucking garbage they gave you a tutor really they gave you money out the ass so I transferred into the University of Colorado they kept bugging me where's your high me. Where's your high school transcript?

Where's your high school transfer? I'll whip one up in a second. I didn't know how I kept lying for them They're coming they're coming and then finally I got arrested And I had to take my GED so I said fuck it and that's how I got in When you got arrested you had to take a GED well when you get arrested You know when they were thinking about me, I had to show the judge I was trying to get my life together. And that was on the list. Oh, I see. So I took the GED, and then I went to the University of

Colorado, and then I got thrown in prison. You're probably the only guy that's gone to college and then went back and got his GED. Can you fucking believe that? There was no computers back then. They just, eh, whatever. It was Colorado at the time. Bring it next time. I mean, you could have had fake no computer back then. They just, eh, whatever. This is Colorado at the time. Yeah. Bring it next time.

I mean, you could have had fake paperwork easy back then. How would anybody have known? I didn't want to do that. I wanted to do it, you know? Yeah. Everything else in my life was shit. Can I have one thing for myself? Right.

Can I have one thing for myself that's... What were you planning on doing when you were going to college? Did you have a plan? No. No? have a plan? No, no just take classes just two classes, you know, and then I went to Boulder and When they transferred me in Those were real fucking like classes and that's when I got locked up That was the beginning of the end for me. So, but I took it seriously, Joe. Everything else was shit.

Right. This is the only thing I have that's mine that is not shitty, you know? Sometimes that's what a person needs. Something that they can dedicate themselves towards because they don't feel like they have anything and there's no direction. They don't know what to do. And they just, you know, that old expression, idle hands of the devil's playground. That's real. That's real. That's real. That's very real Yeah If you don't have a purpose in life

You don't have a direction that you feel like you should be going in you feel so lost and you can get sucked into all kinds Of things and you're filled with anxiety, you know, and so then you escape with drugs You're trying to like find something to make you feel better because you just don't feel good and you feel like a loser. The only thing that makes you feel good is accomplishing things. Having a family, having loved ones, having friends, having a community. But accomplishing things too. Those are the only things that make you feel better in life. You know at that point in my life I had my drug people and my criminal people, but I

had a couple people that were trying to help me out. You know those people that bump into your life. I had a high school teacher that was helping me out. I had a bunch of people. And since I didn't have parents, I was dedicating whatever I was doing in their name. Is that hard to say or hard to understand? Like I didn't have parents. So if you helped me out when I did something, I was doing it for Joe. To show him that I'm fucked and I'm a were to do that. I'm worth spending time. Yeah. Yeah You might think even comedy. I love comedy. I love comedy But I got out of comedy what I wanted to become a man that whole journey of comedy taught me how to be a man

It taught you how to watch other comics and be happy for them It's a journey of education being a comedian. Yeah really is and let me tell you something to watch other comics and be happy for them. It's a journey of education being a comedian. It really is. And let me tell you something, to be a comedian, your IQ has to be somewhere high up there. Like the good ones, somewhere they got to be up there. They're not stupid. No, we're not stupid. We figured out how to get to that next level. And for me, that was the most important thing. Becoming a man. What is becoming a man?

Just somebody who can contribute to society. Pay taxes, not have to steal. I wasn't looking to be a multimillionaire. That was never in my fucking realm. I just wanted to function first. That was it. I just wanted to be a functioning person, not with cocaine. You know, now we were talking about something the other night.

Twenty-seven years I did that shit for I did more when I was clean in 10 years than I did in those 30 years so you're always thinking about what you lost you know and then I lost those two years to prison and you know I lost a lot of time fucking around but look what I did accomplish in 10 years. It was mind-boggling. Between a marriage, a child, a house, the career, you know, R.E. story. You got on track. Yeah, that was it. For me, it wasn't about having a jet plane. It was about being a fucking man. Just having a normal life.

Being proud of yourself. That's it, you know. I got a three, I got a fucking, I got the Beatles. I got two other people, one is missing. You know, you have a big home. They're everything to me. But I never had that. Right. I never had that.

I never had, you know, my mother had her life and I had my life. And I appreciated it because it prepared me to be the man I am today. But at that time it was like that line from a Pink Floyd song, you're a stranger in your own home. You were a stranger in your own home. Your parents are doing what they were doing to try to keep the lights on. You're out there delivering fucking newspapers, you know, you were driving a limo, you didn't know where the fuck you were going, but you figured it out.

You didn't become stale, you didn't sit on your fucking ass. And that's what I think a lot of Americans are doing now. When I sit here and I go, I did this in 10 years with nothing, you know? That's the thing that people are not considering when they talk about universal basic income, things like that, that you need some challenges. You need challenges. You just told me you have a challenge. You want to do something because it's a challenge.

We challenge it. We open up the door. We're supposed to open up the mountains, fucking put a chair in the lion's mouth and sit. That's what makes us tick, is to always be working towards something. Yeah I think everybody wants something like that. There's no fucking way universal. I don't want you getting the same handout I get.

Handouts don't work Joe. They don't. Handouts do not work. They do not work. For certain people they work, but for certain, in the mass, they don't work. No. People gonna buy stereos and concert tickets and you know that comes first. Even that episode of Sopranos when the chick says my phone's about to get turned off, I got no food and Tony gives her money, and then she comes back she goes look at the shoes I got. Right. Six hundred dollars and he goes what happened to that? You know you gotta live a little little that's everybody's mind. That was my mind

Yeah, especially we don't have anything. Yeah, what's all the sudden you have? $1,200 look at the fucking Jamie look at the credit card debt that this country's in right now Did you see the credit card that all these four hundred countries you think people have this money now, what's the credit card debt all these $400 countries? You think people have this money? No, what's the credit card debt like? It's fucking insane right now. People are living off their fucking cards, Joe, since the pandemic. Now it's becoming second nature. It's just a card. I don't know if you've ever been in card debt.

You're never going to get out of it unless a chunk comes into your life. Not your little $4,000 tax return gotta be a chunk or you're never gonna get out of that fucking debt I was in huge debt huge huge credit card no I got rid of all that was your debt you know one day I woke up and I owed look this, maxed out inside America's credit card debt crisis and what we do next, and this is from CNET. It says our 1.13 trillion in credit card debt, wow, is shattering lives. Everyday borrowers share how they're navigating this uniquely American debt machine.

That's a lot of money, man. And the thing is, they're giving credit cards to people that are too young to really understand debt. You're giving credit cards to 18 year olds. No way. That's when I failed. No way. And you know what, even, Doug, there's a lot of shit going on in colleges. Oh, the college. You get to know that they're just, you know, that's the worst scam. The worst scam is the education loans. It's the worst scam. Worst. It's the worst scam the worst scam is the education loans It's the worst scam worst so worse because you're you're convincing kids that this is the only way they're gonna be successful in life And a lot of them don't even want up using it

And then they're saddled down with debt for the rest of their fucking life And there's not a lot of good options other than that It's not like there's a lot of other things you could look to like this is a better way to go like no like College for a lot of people is like the only path that seems reasonably lit like that path I could see to like this is a better way to go like no like college for a lot of people is like the only Path it seems reasonably lit like that path. I could see where that path is I'm gonna walk down that path and then all of a sudden you're a hundred thousand in debt a hundred and fifty thousand in debt You're like Then you get a job out of college. It's first fifty two thousand dollars a year. You're like, oh my god

How am I gonna pay this money off? Well, you're not. You're not. You're never going to. And they don't stop. No. And it gets interest. And in the middle of my debt, a fucking student loan popped up. And they weren't taking no deals. They weren't taking a penny on the dollar. They wanted the full $3,000 from fucking 1980 something.

Yeah. They're not fucking around those school loans I have we have a friend a mutual friend yeah that decided not to get married as much as he loved this fucking girl broke up with her because of her debt yeah he goes if I marry her yeah 15 grand a month yeah or something she you know something crazy it was something crazy like her school loans Yeah, he goes. I can't marry into that. We're never gonna she has a kid in three years. That's on me, right? Well, it's on you right away when you get married and if she dies you owe it

Yeah, it's one of those days on you. You can get married and who knows how many what is the number? Like what is the number that she owed? Do you remember? What is the number like what is the number that she owed do you remember? Big big hundreds attorney and she started taking money and taking world trips Because once you get those student loans So yeah again, it's a credit card mentality. I'm already in debt. Yeah, they're offering me this on the credit card to go to Europe Yeah, you. One last blast to add to the fucking drama I already have. And then you got to find some insanely rich guy to rescue. Doug, I remember having no credit.

Between you and I, I didn't know what credit was. I had no idea. I knew cash. I came from a cash society. First time I walked into the University of Colorado and signed those fucking loan papers and that Pell Graham paperwork, I think two days later I had a credit card. What if I went on a limit? I didn't even know how to handle it. And then they told me that you just call them and get the limit up. And I kept calling. And then

you don't know. Your limit's still stuck. and now you have to go to a casino to have the fucking pit boss Call your Visa card. That's how they always got money. Just give you a credit card to the pit boss, right? This is 30 years ago. No, not now Well, you could just give the credit card to the pit boss and he could call Visa for you when they ramp it up Yeah, they ramp it up. Not anymore. Good news. Mr. Dia Diaz you got an extra $2,000 booyah let's go let's go yeah do you remember that scam where you would get like ten cassettes for like a dollar do you remember that I don't go to Columbia I don't go to Indiana you never see me do anything in Indiana I must go Columbia house ten million dollars. Are you stupid? I don't go to Indiana

That's tear-hot, Indiana Right look it up. I still remember what that motherfucker came from. I don't even go to Indiana Just I don't even want them to remember and then you would have to buy a three-album. Yeah fucking was it every month 12 for a penny 12 hot hits for a cool penny. I don't even think it was CDs back then. Look it says cassettes or records Wow, so how did they make money? Because everything was re-recorded So they took Santana albums and then put it on like a cheap cassette or something Oh really? Like it was something crazy. So they re-recorded it. Oh, I thought it was no no was real. It was real music No, no, no, it's the band. I thought it was different, but it's something there's this catch here. There's some catch

So you had to buy? Whatever 12 hearts for a penny you had to put the penny on the paper and Scotch tape it Stop right there AOL may have had the most prevalent mail-in magazine-based marketing campaign of the 90s, but a close second goes to both Columbia House, which is owned by Sony, and BMG, which is owned by RCA. It was a common sight in magazines of all shapes and sizes

to see ads like the one above, which promoted extremely cheap collections of music in exchange for signing up for a membership. It even single-handedly helps some CDs become hits. Hootie and the Blowfish, for example, is said to have sold over three million copies of Cracked Rearview through this service. I was gonna try to skim through to find what it was.

Wow. I think what they did is that you would sign up for a credit card bill with this, and then all of a sudden you'd start getting billed like 20 bucks a month. Yeah. And it was really hard to stop it. There was no credit card in my day.

They would just send the penny, you get 12. Yeah, I don't remember a credit card. I don't remember signing up with a credit card. I don't think I had a credit card. You sent the penny, you sent the penny. Here it is, degraded audio quality. In 94, Stereophile Magazine published a feature analyzing whether the quality of Columbia House

or BMG CDs was actually much lower than one could find in a traditional record store. The belief, which hasn't been confirmed, was that the service was using lower quality master tapes and on high quality equipment, one could tell the difference. But that said it wasn't confirmed. Lack of royalty payments. Here's another one go up. So it says mental floss notes that those free CDs generally cost Columbia House $1.50 each to create a fairly low amount overhead in those days. The reason why it was so low. Well, they didn't have to pay royalties on the giveaways and made the money back on the margins. In other words, that Nirvana album you got for free from Columbia House netted Kurt Cobain a grand total of $0. Wow.

So they didn't get paid for those. So the model the company used relied on customers essentially forgetting that they had subscribed to the service and then sending random CDs or cassette tapes to people that haven't asked for them along with a bill. Yep. That same kind of thing happened with like Girls Gone Wild. Like you'd get one and then they just keep sending you a new video every month. Tell us more Jamie, what happened to you? I never paid for it but I do remember getting a few free DVDs in the mail. High profits after the freebies run out, after you got these cassettes and discs shipped your way,

the company charged high amounts to consumers but they also kept most of the profits on the album sold. Mental flaw suggests that the company made as much as $7.50 on each album shipped. Wow. I wonder how much the bands got paid for those from Columbia House. Aggressive bill collection tactics. Consumer Affairs and Ripoff Record each report pages on the service and its collection agency tried in Asset management that go back for miles if you haven't paid for those CDs you got back in the 90s They're probably still looking to shake you down

For your money. Joey do them in the 90s. I've been in the 70s Long time ago, you know I'm saying I still remember the album I got you know what the fucking first time I got from Columbia houses, but bye bye miss American pie. Oh don whatever his name was it wasn't Don What was his name I forget that I got like her John McClane John McClane, that's right. I still remember that one I bought like, what was it? Santana, Braxis. That was a song that would come on at parties and everybody would just start singing.

Great fucking song. Great jam. Yeah. Didn't Tyson Fury have the entire audience sing that after one of his fights? I think Tyson Fury sang that fucking song. That's a jam. An entire audience. in the dark can never come into the light or praise be to the one and only true God Jesus Christ you know he came here tonight he manned up he really did show heart of a champion I hit him with a clean right hand and he got back up and battled on into round seven he is a warrior. He will be back. He will be a champion again

The king has returned to the top of the pro Big shout out That's right here Top rank big shout out Frank Warren Bob Arum MTK global bar be a BT bar beta code at UK while hydrate second of all i said i'd sing a song tonight sing along i could make those people dance and maybe they'd be happy for a while but february made me shiver with every paper i deliver I can't remember if I cried when I read about his widow bride. Something touched me deep inside the day. Listen to this crowd.

That's Don Aron, right? Bob Aron. Bob Aron. That's amazing. I like this song better than the other one. When Gentiles jump up and down. Which one? The one by Neil Diamond.

They have the new commercial with a bunch of black people, Mexicans in a bar, jumping up and down and I'm like, black people and Mexicans will never jump up and down. Which songs? They're singing it. That's like, it fucking drives me crazy. You set it too fast, I'm like having a mind blank right now, but they sing it like at baseball games a lot. It drives me crazy. They sing it in the Hamptons. I know what it is. They sing it in the Hamptons all the time. Gentiles Get Together, Sweet

Caroline. It drives me fucking crazy. Oh my God. He does that, he sings that one too. I love Neil Diamond, but that song when it comes on a bar and I see- It's not the song, it's people's reactions to the song. Yeah, it drives me crazy. And now they have a Budweiser commercial or something. Sweet. With like brothers and Mexicans jumping up and down. Stop. Stop it. It's a great fucking song. Tyson Fury, recover to cover.

Yeah. and fury recover to cover yeah motherfucker that's the way to end the boxing match by some my god that's fucking great credible and he got the whole crowd to sing along they all stayed most people leave when the fights over especially when you win by knockout they stayed because they want to hear him talk you know unusual that is where a whole crowd to sing along and they all stayed. Most people leave when the fights over, especially when you win by knockout. They stayed because they want to hear him talk. You know how unusual that is where a whole crowd is willing to stay to listen to the guy talk, watch what happens at a UFC main event. When say like someone wins, there's a few people who stick around.

They want to see the post fight speech, but most people are headed to the fucking door. If Leon Edwards started singing sweet Caroline I'd be great I love Leon that'd be great or something something something that people know like there's a few of those songs and everybody knows somebody with a Brazilian accent oh yeah yeah yeah boy Romero right to say Joey to this day that was one of my favorite podcasts of all time you translating for yo al Romero He had me lost did he my Spanish is fucking you know I gotta be around those people every day You're pretty good. You're pretty good. You're you're pretty good. I know he was you know It's just what a character that guy is bro. He just won. He just he still hits me. Yeah, he still he's a good good guy

He's just beat Tiago Silva in in PFL versus Bellator He's the best man that guy imagine what would have happened if that guy got into MMA at 22 He didn't even get to the UFC to his in his late 30s That guy would have killed everybody what is he now? He's 46 47 Yeah, it just beat Tiago Silva He told Tiago Silva still legit still fucking super dangerous It's great. Tiago Silva went to a split decision with John Jones

Yeah that guy You're well, we're mayor. I'll just beat him Make sure it's a split decision that might not be correct. I Want him? I want to be sure about that, but it was a close fight close fight, but he got in He's a good fighter John fucked his knees up though. Woof. John destroyed that dude's knees. When is John coming back? Well, John tore his peck muscle. It's a big one. Tore it off the bone in wrestling practice. You could actually see it in the

video. He's he shoots and they're in the scramble and he just screams and falls back and grabs his chest Split decision. Yeah, so on one judges scorecard. Diago Silva beat the greatest fighter of all time excuse me, Tago Santos beat the greatest fighter of all time and Then yo, well just beat him. I mean, I know it's been a slide since then. What was that? 2017 what year was that, 2017? What year was that, Jamie? 2016?

You see 239, I don't know why it doesn't say the date. It doesn't say the date on Wikipedia? I'm looking at the main page. It's all sorts of stats, but not the date of the fight. That's interesting. It does here, 2019. 19, okay. So that's not that long ago man, five years ago.

Yoel is, I think he's at least 46. He turns 47 at the end of April. He looks fucking great. He looks fucking great. He moves fucking great. He looks great. He doesn't look slow. He doesn't look old. He's still America's top team. That's a good question. I don't know who he is. Because he always comes up with these Cuban scientists that come over from Cuba and stuff. Someone's doing something right. You know, they just popped one of the UFC guys, Walt Harris, got four years. Four years. Four years. And he's 40.

So that's essentially a career ender. You know. But when you're 40, dude, in your fighting and your training every day, you're doing two days and three days like, bro, you're fucking your testosterone gets beat down. Your system gets beat down. You're you know, you're putting a tax on your system that's very hard to deal with at that age. Oh, yeah, it's a big difference. You get a guy who's 22 years old, and you put him through a fight camp,

that's a guy who can recover. As long as he's doing the right things, he's eating right, and he's sleeping right, and he's hydrating right, he can recover. You can get through the camp. It's hard as shit. I mean, a real fight camp for MMA is one of the most difficult endeavors

in all of professional sports. You have to fight five rounds, 25 minutes of actual fighting in a championship level fight. And you're getting kicked and punched and wrestled and you're getting taken down, you're trying to get back up. The exertion level is so insane. When you watch like Cheeto versus Sugar Sean, at the end of that fight,

even though Sugar Sean put on a clinic I mean he put on a clinic at the end of that show he was beat the fuck up He walked out of there with a foot cast an arm cast. He's limping through the hallway I mean and he won and then Cheetos just busted up man. His whole face is busted up I mean those guys are Exhausted they went through hell and it took them 12 weeks to get in the kind of peak physical condition just to be able to do that I mean it's a crazy way to make a living man and you're depending on all these things that break so easy all this stuff

this is how you're gonna use this to make your living and feed your family. You have a wife and kids and you're going to depend on your tissue and your bones to stay in place while you're smashing people in the face and you're getting smashed and you're getting your arm barred and you get your leg ripped. All this shit is happening to you. Your neck's tweaked your back falls down You're tweaking your lower back your hamstrings fucked your hip hurts now and you're fighting hurt You're gonna fight they all fight her they all fight. They all fight, you know, it's it's like you said 12 weeks and shit happens Yeah Anything and you know, you got to figure out a way to make it into the cage. And so some of them, like Tom Aspinall, he didn't even, he fucked his rib up preparing for that fight with Sergey Pavlich.

So he like, he couldn't even wrestle. He's fighting this gigantic, terrifying Russian who knocks everybody into the dark dimensions and he can't even wrestle. He can't do the one thing that you would think he needs to do to that guy. Pavlovich fucks everybody up. Fucked Derrick Lewis upstanding. He fucked a lot of people up. Tytui Vasa, he's fucking people up, beating them upstanding.

He's a dangerous cat. He's giant. He's giant. He's a giant. And Aspinall couldn't even, you know, but he had to take that chance and it worked out for him. You know, but then look, Islam Makachev, you know, when he had the rematch with Volkanovsky, he's preparing for Charles Olivera.

Charles Olivera gets cut. Makachev steps in or Alexander steps in with fucking 11 days notice. And he rematches with a guy who's gone through a full camp. It's crazy. That doesn't happen in boxing ever. If Tyson Fury gets cut 10 days before he's supposed to fight Anthony Joshua, they don't just call Usyk up and go, what are you doing in 10 days? That never happens ever, especially at a championship level, not just championship level, but the two guys who are widely considered to be the very best pound-for-pound fighters in the world

Number one and number two up until the Ilya Tuporiya fight number one and number two in most people's eyes up until the second Makachev fight before that fight. It was Volkanovsky was like there was the debate whether it was Makachev or Volkanovsky was number one and So Makachev knocks him out with a head kick He's only had 10 days to prepare. He doesn't look the same. He gets rocked. He gets beat up in that fight and then he goes and fights Deporin and he gets knocked out. So the whole world that you live in, you go from being the best pound for pound fighter on earth, the fucking man to just months later, you're not even the best in your division anymore. The best

guy in your division just knocked you unconscious and now he has your belt and he's 10 years younger than you. That dude is tight too. Yeah. He's dangerous. He's tight. That shit is tight. Everything is so sharp his technique is flawless everything is flawless his boxing is so dangerous he's so dangerous everywhere He's dangerous with submissions. He's dangerous with kicking. He's dangerous. His heart is dangerous He fought this dude Jai Herbert and he went up to 155 for that fight So he's a 45 pounder and he said fuck it. I'll take a fight at 55

He gets head kicked in the first round by Jai Herbert is a nasty stand-up fighter He's so good. He's real slick He's real real good stand-up like real sharp stand-up And he caught Toporia with the perfect head kick and to pour you you like we's in real trouble He got dropped and he scrambled got a hold of him Next round sent him into the dark lands Blasted him against the I mean literally slept him face planted him and walk off ko He's an animal dude. He's a real. He's a real problem because he's intelligent. He's dedicated

He's driven. He's he's got that kind of confidence that those championship guys have where they know they're the best even before they're the best. He knew he was the best even before. He's literally fighting the best guy ever in that division and he's telling everybody I'm going to fuck this dude up inside of two rounds. When is he fighting next? Good question. I don't know who he's fighting next.

So he wanted to go up and fight Islam Makachev at 155. And then that was talk, people talked about that. And then they were also talking about, Shugashan said he wanted to go up and fight Toporia. But Toporia said, no, I want you to fight Marab who's also from Georgia, just like Ilya is born in Georgia and Marab's the rightful guy that should be fighting in 35 so that's gonna happen there but if Shawn gets past Marab you could see a world where they can make a champion versus championship fight at 145 but Ilya Tupori essentially is kind of cleaned out the division already the real dangerous guys like Josh Emmett, he pieced that dude up.

Wow, he pieced Josh Emmett up. He beat his ass. He's just so good, man. And he's so like he fought different with Emmett because Emmett is terrifying. That guy's just a behemoth. At 145. That dude puts people to sleep. He's that guy that knocked out Bryce Mitchell with that one punch. Right? That's whoa. He's that guy that knocked out Bryce Mitchell with that one punch. That's right. That's right. Oh, yeah. Oh, Josh Emmett is a terrifying striker. He just throws everything in every punch and he knows all he has to do is hit you once.

And so that's how he fights. And so Ilja just fought real clever, just moved in, moved back, moved in, moved back, didn't charge forward, just aware of the power until he could start piecing him up and then just start piecing him up. It just so pretty tactically He's so smart, you know, so it's not just his ability skill It's knowing when to apply it and how to adjust to different kinds of fighters But the Jai Herbert one might have been the most impressive one, dude. He got see if you can find that he got head kicked

He gets hits with a with a switch high kick off the left leg, right to the face, man. I mean, like this, like, like, he just dropped, which is, you know, 99 times out of 100. It's like the beginning of the end. Look at this. Leave that left high kick. Watch this. Boom. I mean, dude, he got fucking cracked on the chin, dude. Look how perfect it is. Oh it's perfect. I mean it is a perfect high kick and Jai Herbert's dangerous. Dangerous too, but he got lucky that he got a hold of a leg, you know, and also that he didn't try to stand up. He went he actually got knocked down. If he was

standing up Jai Herbert could have caught him with a bunch of other shots and put him away. Because once you get hurt, if you can get a hold of someone, it gives you at least seconds to try to clear your head. Because sometimes it takes your head like a few seconds to reboot and you can still hold on to someone while that's happening and maybe you can survive. So in his case he did. But now show the knockout. Show Toporia knocking out Jai Herbert. So in the second round he just times him with his right hand from hell. And it's a good fight up until then man. Jai Herbert is a tall, look at this, he's a

tall 55 and you can see by his movement like very skillful striker very dangerous and long So Ilya gets him up against the cage. We the rip to the body boom. Oh my god Bro, but look at the combination before that. He sets it up by a left to the body. Watch this left to the body Watch it boom bang Hard left hook to the body right hand over the top. Look at this. Boom, right to the liver. Boom. And bro, that was a solid liver punch too, because you see him breathe out after he gets hit. Show that right there again, right before. Watch. He

gets hit with this left of the body. Look at him breathe out. See his mouth fill up? That's like, ooooooooooooo punch and then a perfect right hand behind it so he might have been knocked out just from that liver punch son he might have went down a half a second later from that liver punch that's how good that punch is and then he hit some of that right hand over the top toporius terrifying terrifying to go back to what you were talking about earlier with yourel and this fucking guy I was watching this morning, he's 39 years old. Fucking LeBron. LeBron looks awesome.

He looks awesome. You see Chael Sonnen's been ranting and screaming, he's on steroids. Everyone knows he's on steroids. The guy's 39, he's averaging 35 minutes a fucking game. He's top five. Yeah. And the NBA in minutes. Do they test NBA players?

I don't know. I don't know. Jamie, what are they testing for? They tested for like testosterone placement? Alcohol. No reefer. Not reefer.

No reefer. No, no. They can't. They can't. They won't have a league. It's too good for it. It's too for it. They won't have a league.

It's the same reason why it's so good for pool. It's got to be so good for basketball puts you in that zone We just feel it you feel things more Anything you're reefer. Yes, put you in that fuck, you know, the other I had music on yeah Led Zeppelin came on and I was sitting there and also I went back on my To be honest here. This is the reason why I smoke pot. That's the reason I would never have done a drug, but I knew it was going to sound a lot better with that reefer. It does.

Isn't it crazy? Food tastes better, sex feels better. Basketball, lifting weights with reefer. Oh my God. Amazing. You feel your muscles. Oh my God. Riding a bike with reefer.

The only thing I don't do reefers road Fuck you. You don't do jujitsu. No, no, no interesting. No a lot of people do I don't give a fuck including this guy I know no no that donkey dude. No, I went to his seminar. He was smoking Jeff. Oh, yeah. Yeah He was hilarious. Jeff Glover. Oh, yeah. He's hilarious. He's hilarious Yeah, he's fucking good. He's good, too. He's good. You know that reef is shit. Somebody mounted me once and I was high on another That was it time out time out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no It's amazing. It's cool. No. Yeah anything like that right? Oh my god riding riding when you giggle Yeah, and you're like what the fuck but this what I wanted to talk to you about was recuperation at that age Anything like that, riding for your god. Riding when you giggle.

And you're like, what the fuck? But this, what I wanted to talk to you about was recuperation at that age. Gotta be really smart. Well, LeBron spends a lot of money, he's like famous for spending money on his recovery. Massages. Everything.

Cold plunges and saunas. That dude does everything. Everything. Gotta give it to him. Well, you have to. He's at the very top of his game and he's worth a billion dollars. You know what I mean? He's at a billion dollar property.

He's at the top of his fucking game. I mean and he looks like a superhero. I mean LeBron looks like a superhero. You look at him and you're like good lord show a photo of him like his body. Is there any shirtless photos of LeBron? Let me take my pants off. You don't know any, you know, you won't know this because it's basketball, but like... Dude, look at that. Yeah. And how tall is he?

LeBron diet, LeBron James diet reveals he eats like shit, but trains. Well, I don't know what this are. He eats a lot of candy, but as that's when he was younger too. Now he, I mean, He's good too, man. He's also slimmed down from where he was back when he was younger, like his first five years in the league. They argued he could be up to 300 pounds. So is this him now? That's him now. He's quite close to like 260. Okay, so he definitely looks slimmer in that picture than he did in the other picture where he was lifting weights. But that was also right off, you know, right out of in the gym.

It says that he appears to have lost 10 to 12 pounds instead of that photo. So yeah, you see that photo in the gym. Still shredded. Yeah, looks like an MMA fighter. He looks like he could be like a UFC heavyweight champion He's shredded. I got no problem With a professional athlete doing whatever he needs. Yeah. Well as long as they're not a fighter professional Yeah, if no fighters, I know that stuff. Yeah, I'm talking about like for recovery. No, that's Yeah, he looks great. The new shit they're doing in training with people is just, you know, I go to basketball games and I told you, I see those athletes, that Jason kid from fucking Boston, Doug, when

he goes to the basket, you're not stopping him. It's unreal how quick he is. You're watching and he's 6'6". These guys are super fucking athletes. Well, it's like everything else, Joey. They get a chance to see the people before them and then they get better. They get better than those people. Like every sport, if you go in, there's always going to be the few outliers like Muhammad Ali.

If you took Muhammad Ali from 1967 and brought him to the heavyweight division today He'd be fucking people up. They wouldn't know what to do with him. There's so many fighters He would fuck up, but he's just a complete outlier But and you know, there's other like Michael Jordan complete outlier any generation you put him and he's gonna fuck people up Larry Bird complete outlier any generation he's gonna score from the From from the court, But if you get the overall, the athletes, like UFC today is the best example of it because it's one of the clearest, you could go to 93, 2024 and you see this massive evolution.

Massive. You see these people that are fighting on the undercards of these fight cards, like the UFC fight cards, the fight night cards, the smaller cards, they do it at the Apex Center. You're seeing world championship caliber fighters from 10 years ago. They would probably beat a lot of world champions, and this is their UFC debut. That's how good these guys are. They've evolved a lot.

Everything has evolved a lot. It's amazing. It's amazing the training, when you look at them. Did you see this past fight night this last weekend with Rosanamunis? No, no. In the undercard this kid Cameron Simon who's like one of the best guys at 135 very slick striker South African kid like very tough very very good kid. He fought this dude, Payton Talbot, and I'd never seen this guy fight before. This kid is a motherfucker dude. He's so good. He's 25 years old. He's fought like once, I think, in the UFC and once in the Contenders

series, and this is my first time watching him and I was like Jesus Christ man He's so well they fucking now they're doing this is that 12. Mm-hmm now they're doing this at 12 Yeah, and they're dedicated to MMA. There's MMA classes. See if you can find that knockout See if they've find find the the knee he would hit him with in the first round I think in the beginning of the fight he was fucking him. I think everything has a window the first round. I think in the beginning of the fight he was fucking I think everything has a window. Like that's what we're getting to. Like especially with the UFC. It's when you get to the UFC, you have to give yourself a window. Because after a while, that's the thing about fighting. They'll go on forever. Yeah, there's very few guys that are like Jim Miller. Jim Miller still

fighting at a world class level. Brad Tavares. Yeah. You to fuck out. Oh, Brad Tavares. He just beat Chris Weidman. I loved Brad. He looked fantastic. He looked fantastic. Yeah. Tavares. Those were the leg kicks. Yeah. He was kicking them. Oh my God. Yeah. Kicking the shit out of him and just looked slick. Looked very good. Very good with a stand up. But now you got these guys. Remember these guys got into it in 18 when they got out of college. They were wrestlers.lers these kids you're young man That's yeah, I realize about Brad Brad was thrown to the lion's den when he was like in his early early 20s I think that's only Brad DeVaris. Oh, yeah, I think he's only 33. Yeah, he's a kid. He's been around forever

He's like yo L back in the day Yeah, he's fought a lot of fucking people man. Yeah, so those guys but those guys come one in a dozen You know longevity, right? You know Jim Miller is the most extreme example of it He fought in UFC 100 fought UFC 200. He's gonna fight in UFC 300 Like what the fuck dude, and he looks awesome. He still teaches. Yeah. Well. No he doesn't do that anymore That's well also what's helped him a lot. He sold his gym. Okay, it was too much. He explained it when he came on the podcast. It's just too much work. You're dealing with so many different things. And so now that he could just like concentrate on just his camps and get ready. It's like, it's much better. He probably still teaches some classes. I

think he enjoys teaching. I think running the gym was the real problem. A lot of work, man. I think he enjoys teaching. I think running the gym was the real problem. It's a lot of work, man. I think that's, I think I'm correct. It's a lot of come and go in Jiu Jitsu. Yeah. Also you're dealing with personality issues and if you run a business, you have to deal with people that are arguing with other people there and you're like, oh God. And then this guy might be stealing money or this guy might be doing something he's not supposed to be doing. He said he was doing this, but he's doing that. He's trying to cut corners and like, fuck. And you have to deal with this and that and that and this.

In the business you have to be that. These martial artists that open up these schools and open up like a chain of them and they're never at one of them. You never know what's going on. You never know. Yeah, you'd have to really trust the people that are running that school for you. They'd have to be like really well-trained and a part of your family.

You know, you could pull it off. Like the Machados have done that. They've had, Machados have had various Machado satellite schools that are owned by Jean-Jacques Blackbelt's. And they're always great. They're great. They're always great. Jean-Jacques is on a different level.

Yeah. And by me, I have the Gracys. And they got it down to a science.. Yeah, and by me I have the Gracie's mm-hmm And they got it down to a science. They've really you know I was talking to Rallo the other day and we were just talking like around think what's around me. I Got Tom. I got the silver Fox. I got what's his name is an hour for me Riccardo Almeida Yeah, I got all those guys right in my hair right there. We were talking about he's like you're in heaven there It's a great jujitsu environment. It's a great Jiu-Jitsu environment. It's a beautiful fucking, and it's all Henzel.

Henzel, all those black belts, the silver fox, fucking... Henzel's got an empire. A fucking empire. He's got guys in LA, he's got guys here, he's got guys everywhere. He's got schools everywhere. He's got the school in Brooklyn.

They're all great, they're all great. You always hear great things about all of his school. Listen, my lunchtime guy, he just took second on the Pan Ams. That's wild. He's great. He's great. And he's the guy that teaches the lunchtime classes?

Yeah, he's great. That's awesome. He's like a baby. Every time you throw like a baby, I love him. And he's changed the class, you know? But what my point was that, in two years that I've been there the lunchtime class It's a whole new set of people every 90 days. Mm-hmm. You still got a couple brown belts that are older they come

But it just it's it's a never-ending door Four people sign up four people quit three people, you know, it's one of those things right, right? And once you get the blue belt they disappear People sign up, four people quit. Three people, you know, it's one of those things. Right, right. And once you get the blue belt, they disappear. Some of them do, yeah. No, a high percentage of it. Yeah, what is the number of people that go past blue belt? It seems like they get happy that they have a little something, a little kind of a belt,

and then they keep going. And it's, but... It's hard though. You get injured, you know, and you have to learn how to roll correctly. Like where you got to tap how to roll correctly like where you gotta tap Tapping is important. You got a tap to save your body Too many people fight out of shit that you shouldn't fight out of just learn learn how to not be in there This is it. So this is the dude. So Cameron Simon first of all a high-level contender

This is the end of the fight when he's fucking him. Holy shit level contender. This is the end of the fight when he's fucking him up. Holy shit. But you got to see like the stand up before that, like in the first round is some of the most impressive shit. I mean, he's just, he moves so good, man. And he's got high power. Look at this fly that knee right there. Back it up a little bit before that. So there's a combination he catches him with. And it's just the timing. Like look at the timing on this knee watch this boom And if you hear it, it sounds like a baseball bat hitting a coconut I mean, it's a perfectly timed knee and he was just so fucking devastating

And just look like he was having fun in there and this kid's 25 years old, right? So this kid when you want look at him, he's got this very interesting personality, you hear him talking like, okay, you're looking at a future superstar. And there's a lot of these guys that left hook tight, tight left hook. There's a lot of these guys right now. There's so many people coming up right now that are so high level, like one two fights into the UFC, you look at him like, good Lord, that's a world championship caliber fighter.

What a fucking hard career. Are right oh it's the hardest ball last night that Tuesday night some kid came up to me with a Houston shirt at the club and he had number 34 whatever Lawrence the guy Lawrence get Campbell Earl Campbell I'm gonna think about him he's in a fucking wheelchair mmm you know all that running did, they didn't have the technology we have now to turn things around. Hips and knees. Hips and knees. And that's a fucking nightmare, but now we're learning.

Obviously over time and Miss Patrick studies and shit like that, we've learned more about it. Jiu-Jitsu for me at 61, I go to class, I do all the drills, I do the warmup. When it comes time to roll, I look around. I pick and choose, you know, you have to. And I know what I'm there for. I'm not there to go to a competition.

I'm out there to be a world fighter. You know why I go to Jiu-Jitsu? For the social. I love it, I love it. I love going in, getting sweaty. I get beat up nine out of 10 times, you know, I go to Jiu-Jitsu for the social. I Love it. I love it. I love going in getting sweaty. I get beat up nine out of ten times You know that yeah, but doesn't matter to me. That's comedy you get beat up, right and you get better You learn how to outlast it's good for you, too It's good for fucking an older person, but you have to know what you're going in there for right?

You're not going in there to fucking tap the blue belt or the purple belt. You're running there to defend yourself I've watched all Hickson is my boy, you know And I watch all his tapes and shit me he was he does a thing about if you're thinking about going into the gym Later on this is my advice and I took it like a tee pick two days Pick two days a week and go stick to those two days. I do a core class every week I do a blue belt class every week. Mm-hmm That's it. I lift weights. I ride the bike. I do all the other shit. I box in my garage, you know But I enjoy it. The process is great. I'm not good at it

But I go and some days you get a good fucking role and some days you get beat up But at least you're getting exercise. I'm sweating You get beat up, but at least you're getting exercise. I'm sweating Talking to God thing to do you staying a little younger because you're talking to young guys. These guys are all cops Well, it's also your you're in the moment like when you're doing jujitsu, you're literally trying to defend choke in me I'm like you cocksuckers. I got a shit. They giggle They some guy had my back a brother. I love this guy and I'm looking he's choking me and I'm trying to defend the choke, I'm trying to get him down almost and I go, for a brother, you got skinny feet. He goes, motherfucker.

I fucked with all of them. Yeah. Soon as they're going to submit me, I crack a joke. The fuck is wrong with you? I'm an old man. Get off me, you fuck. Jesus, Joey. That's hilarious. And that's what it's about. It's about a bunch of guys, a lot of older guys in the daytime. That's great. Three or four guys older than me. That's

great. There's a 67-year-old, he's nasty, Joe. That's awesome. But he's a black belt in Taekwondo. That was what he had a Taekwondo school for all those years. But there's a couple older guys, a guy that looks just like fucking the guy that invented electricity He finally got a haircut so you don't look all fucked up no more, but I fuck around with him on Mondays He's great. He's a G Kundo guy. Oh, wow. He's done. You know these old guys are fucking great So yeah, it's social a lot of cops you know it's fun thing to do it's very fucking and it's also one of those things that while you're doing it you can't think about anything else because it's so difficult

to do don't you think those things are good for your brain Doug when you're having a rough day like the phone's ringing and you're like you know what fuck this we want this by one this This was due at 230. You know, right? Fuck you Yeah, you can't bother me. I don't even bring my phone upstairs also It's so much harder than anything else you're gonna do that everything else. I look at that I look at that whoop watch and I can't believe I burn like 400 calories in the right class We get the blue belt class you wear a whoop why you do jiu-jitsu. Yeah, I guess crash people with that thing No, it's hidden under here. Okay, it's hidden you can put on your arm. Oh, you put an arm one on right?

That's right. You put the chest one on you know, and I see the people that are getting hurt Is the 30 year olds that going there to kill themselves? Mm-hmm. They're doing they're starting from their feet You know fuck all that shit. My yellow days are over. You ain't throwing me It's a good way to hurt your knees. And I'm not gonna grab you either. So, that's it. You pass the guard. You know, you do little things. You're fucking Dela Hiva. You know, shit like that and that's it, man. You go home. I'm not looking to be a killer. I'm not looking to be a bodyguard. I'm just looking to get exercise. How much are you getting up on stage in Jersey twice a week? Yeah

Yeah, you just just to keep the dust off it, but it's not good. Yeah, it's not good enough at all I write a lot more. I noticed that this last job is giving away jokes. I Just talked to comics go take this cuz I'm not gonna use it right, you know I just think the shit and I write it down. It's fun, man I forgot how much fun it is to write. It's real fun, but you gotta be in a place where you can do it all the time. All the time. You know, that's the beautiful thing about here.

All the time. No, you got, this is, listen, this is the best scene in the country. They're starting to open up managers office here and fucking agencies. I knew you were telling me that, that's crazy. This is gonna be a fucking utopia in a year. Those big cities are gonna be forgotten about for comedy

Yeah, they're gonna be doing comedy, but not like you're doing it down here Not with eight clubs around you and 16 one-nighters. It's also it's just exciting because it's a new thing Like there was never a scene like this here before So now the scenes here and so many great comics are here and it's a new thing Guys are getting better too. They're getting better. Do you see Derek last night? I saw Derek Poston They've seen the Sun. Did you see a son? bro, holy fuck bro He got a lot better. You got a lot better. He's confident writes all the time works hard

He was on the core crew and the workout the workout crew. He's one of the course. He's always there Where do you have them right here in the gym? And what time do they come we do it when I want to stay on the air But we do it You do it every day. No depends different days It took some time off and you got him doing kettlebells got him doing all kinds of stuff pushing the sled hitting the bags I got him doing Tabata's I do intervals on the bag Explained intervals from Tabata intervals of 20 seconds work 10 seconds rest. So you do a cycle of eight so In a row. Mm-hmm. So I give them gloves and I said don't try to be a hero

This is what I want you to do. Just this is how you throw a left hand This is how you throw a right hand just I want to see you hit the bag just like this You're not gonna try to do it hard. I just want you to do it constantly. And most of them have hit a bag or something before a little bit. And so I say, don't worry about hitting it hard. I just want you to hit it, and don't hurt yourself.

And you're going to do it for 20 seconds at a pretty fast clip. And then you're going to rest for 10 and do 20 seconds, rest for 10, and do that for a cycle of eight. That's good for cardio, right? So they do it on the bike. It's great on the bike. It's great for cardio It's one of the best ways to develop cardio is the Tabata interval for whatever reason I don't know why but so we did that at the end So we did the kettlebell workout and then we do the sled and then we hit the back I was putting them through like real workouts and then we do sauna and cold plunge

You know, but that all goes with being a good comic It's work. You know that that's work out there. I wasn't doing it. You know that good It's work and it makes you feel better about yourself feel better. It makes your body feel better makes your brain feel better It also makes you feel like you're not lazy and stagnant Like there's been times Where I get up and for whatever reason I'm just not feeling it and I fuck off and I look at my phone And I make some phone calls and then the next thing you know, I'm not getting in the cold plunge the next You know I'm not going to work and the day or I'm not gonna work out before work and the days that I realize I'm doing that

I stop put your phone down get in the water or the days that I realized I'm doing that I could stop put your phone down get in the water Were the days that I was happier. I Always felt better if I did what I needed to do because then I felt like I've already done the the thing that was the Hardest thing to do today. That's how I feel. Yeah, so now I'm on a good path. I got days on a good path Oh, yeah, you see what happens to me when I eat Yeah, I gotta do everything early. Yeah, my world is early is good, though. I'm early guy. It's good. Get it out of the way. It also like sets up the rest of your day. You know,

get that really physically difficult thing done early. And then it sets up the rest of your day. But the thing is like what I'm trying to say is like, I'm not immune to those feelings of laziness and those feelings of procrastination. You know, and there's a handful of days over the last few years that I've done nothing and should have, should have worked out and I just fucked off too much and I just did wind up doing it.

And in my mind, I was like, you work out basically every day, like take a day off, pussy. But then I don't feel that good. Then the rest of the day, I'm like, why did I do that? Now I feel stupid. Now I feel like I'm lazy or I'm not centered. You know, I need to do something. I need to do something. For my brain as much as for my body.

I need to do something. I haven't slept while I'm here, you know. Really? Five hours, six hours. As soon as I, last night I went to bed at fucking two. Oh, it's so fun. We're having so much fun. And I got up at 440. Oh, no. I'm like what the fuck Joey. Oh, no, I stayed up till about six

And I hit the crib again. I got up at fucking eight to call my daughter I got up like at 9 830. I was up I Get dressed I roll the joint I brush my, and I fucking get out of the house. I go for a nice walk in Austin. You've been enjoying it here? Very much so. I'm looking at it. It's a different look.

It looks completely different than what I am. Just come down every now and again. I am. I am. Once a month, come down. I'm coming down next month. A few days. And I need two tickets for that 420 show for the Alnido Boys.

Okay, let's go. Doug, I went to a restaurant I want to tell you about. I got a dish I've been dying to tell you. Few I need two tickets for that 420 show for the Alnido boys. Okay, let's go talk I went to a restaurant. I want to tell you about I got a dish. I've been dying to tell you It's called char and red bank. I told you I got two chefs at the jiu-jitsu school I got your boy from steakhouse 57 the head chef Yeah, and I got the other this guy from Charlie kept on me. Come on. Come on. It's in Red Bank You know 30 minutes. I don't have have babysitters I went good Friday big fucking mistake it's a steak house and I told him and he goes I get it he goes I'm gonna hook you up this

motherfucker gave me yellow fin tacos right because you're not supposed to eat me I don't give nothing up for lent but, but I just won't eat meat, which is easy for me. I don't give a fuck. And I had the lobster dumplings, and then he sent over to my wife that doesn't give a fuck about Catholicism. So she ordered, but we ate so many appetizers. She's like, Joey, I can't eat this dog.

She ordered short rib over gnocchi with a garlic sauce, and the gnocchi just melted in your mouth. It was tiny homemade gnocchi with a garlic sauce. And the gnocchi just melted in your mouth. It was tiny homemade gnocchi. I didn't eat it that night. I got high the next day. I saw it was in the refrigerator and I tasted it. Joe Rogan, I had orgasms come out of every hole in my fucking body, you understand me?

I called him and he goes, Joey, if you want I'll stop by. I live right around the corner. I'm there, don't you fucking dare. I don't want that shit around me every fuck it was so fucking good man so fucking ill-nidos amazing there's something about Jersey Italian food son it's on another level very difficult to get stuff like that out here I can't wait for Sunday to come home no I'm coming home tomorrow but Sunday I go to Easter Sunday and I go to Osteria

They got this fucking they make Sunday sauce 33 dog $33 a meatball this big They give you a fucking pork rib That's in the sauce a big stick like a big pork rib to give you a braggio and a big sausage For $33. I usually split it with my daughter. I can't eat that whole fucking thing the meatballs to die for Mmm, it's the fucking die for he gets pissed at me. He's like, yeah, you tell people what the meatball Nobody's gonna spend money on the big shit. They come in here for the Sunday's like it's fucking you know, who makes Sunday sauce Joe

Well, that was always a I don't have time. Yeah, I don't know how to make it and the people you know, they make it but This is no drama. You just go down there. Oh, I love all that shit But I even got it like now I just split a plate now. I can't eat the whole thing. No, those days are gone The meatballs so fucking good. Don't you? Yeah, there's there's not a lot I mean I haven't eaten at too many Italian places out here But there's I'm sure there's a bunch. How you been to Sammy's? I heard Sammy's is great. You ever been there? That's the spot that people keep talking about There's just some spot. There's a place in fucking sea caucus or Rutherford. It's on by special

You eat this meatball your heart will stop. It's that fucking good. Yeah. But El Nido got some good wild meatballs too. Yeah. Good ones. Well let's let that old immigrant style East Coast Jersey Italian food. Well lamb, they put everything in there. Don't they? Veal and fucking meatballs. Especially the Sunday sauce when you would see the oils bubbling up on the surface of the pot and the grandmother be stirring with a wooden spoon. My grandmother did. Yeah, my grandmother was the big cook. It was insane. My grandmother could cook. She'd make homemade pasta. She'd have the kitchen table, flour out there, rolling everything, making it with the roller,

cranking the pasta through the machine. Look at that at that good lord how's a person supposed to eat well and healthy when that's available that's hostility right yeah that looks pretty fucking good Joey don't fucking around no you guys are in either I gotta give credit with credit is do those fucking tacos dear night and that's just from the truck on the streets a truck on the street Yeah, but guess what I can't get that in Jersey Mexican food is god-awful Really? I even told one of the waitresses we were talking I go the Mexican foods terrible

I go the refried beans look like they were made from you know, like a powder like not a mashed potato And the kid goes they got those I Go, I knew they were fucking powdered refried brains. They have powdered refried. The food, the Mexican food is horrible. I don't know where these Mexicans came from. They're not apocalyptos. The fucking food is fucking terrible. That's the only thing I miss about LA. That and that fucking sushi.

Yeah. I miss the fucking albacore plate with the garlic on top and onions. Oh LA's got well had good food, but goddamn they killed so many restaurants. I don't even know sushi place I was going to is dead sushi. Dan is dead Yeah, a lot of what about what you've done down here is fucking I got commend you man. That's a great club Like I told you I was blown away the first night. It's been pretty fun. It's And it's a year now. It's crazy as it seems. It's already open a year and everybody's come through here. Yeah Yeah, everybody's come through here. That's crazy. Yeah It's been crazy. It's been awesome. You did good brother. We're just getting started and we're just getting started

Yeah, it's been beautiful having you down here, too Oh just to see what you're doing and to see the club There's so much enthusiasm as that club. Yeah. You know when you walk in people are happy to like I told you I love to spectate. I'm a spectator bro. I love to sit smoke pot and watch. Don't say a fucking word. And when I watched the way the people were interacting with the people coming in and everything it was beautiful. I was like there's not a prick in here you don't feel like you know I'm saying right yeah and you feel definitely safe in there yeah yeah fucking cops

everybody's in there so yeah it's great it's a great thing and it's family you can feel it in the air yeah and that's what's there's no hang there's a hang but there's no hang and that hang is perfect that yeah it's perfect when that green room dog when I took my clothes off the first night that clothes smell so bad from all cigarettes cigar cigarettes acid speed fucking got any of that no you don't have none no yes you do no you hit it for me no I wouldn't do that to you what about what we got no smelling salts and jelly today you didn't give me nothing you don't have none though. Yes, you do. No, you hear that from me No, I wouldn't do that to you. What about what we got no smelling salt and Joe you didn't give me none You didn't we always have smelling salt that's fucking that's in fucked me up before

Yeah, 12 million. Holy shit six, but yeah, you took it right after we ate you're like, you know I was eating that's when I swallowed the first one the restaurant on top of the sushi So that motherfucker and then I had another one in my pocket because the zin's when you take one sometimes you take two Right, they stick together. Yeah, don't swallow them. That's my advice to you. Well, I already swallowed like six of them So it's too fucking late Well, no more don't swallow. No, I won't swallow. No, but I gotta get some more of these zin's brother All right. I'll get some for you. I love you to death man. Thank you for having me down here. Family is family comedy family is comedy family. Yeah, and that's what these motherfuckers will never ever understand

The people that don't get it will not get that because they haven't experienced it, but we're lucky to cheer for each other Yeah to fucking you know, I'm so happy for Tony in the garden I'm so happy for red band, you know, it's amazing and that's what being a comic is about is also Fucking giving love to these people going you know what you're doing good, man. Yeah the girls. I love the girls You know Sarah's down there this week. Yeah, she was happy to see me. I was happy to see you know, Kim is coming tonight So Eleanor yeah it's been great fucking Ron White to see him Brian Simpson just released his Netflix special Don L was here yeah it's been amazing it's been amazing

it's a great town now I love you poppin I love you like a motherfucker I miss you too but I'll come down here next month okay then I come down here May then I guess okay don't worry about a couple months on by September I think I could I miss you too, but we'll do this more often. I'll come down here next month, and then I'll come down here in May, then I guess too hot for Uncle Joey. Okay, don't worry about it. We'll take a couple months off. And then by September, I think I could do my own residency, my own 45 minutes. Let's go, let's go, Joey. That's my plan. Beautiful. All right. Thank you.

Love you. Bye, everybody. Love you, guys. Bye!