The Joe Rogan Experience - #215 - Andrew Dice Clay, Max Silverstein

Episode Date: May 11, 2012

Joe sits down with Andrew Dice Clay and Max Silverstein.

The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. It's not official until the music begins. I like the music. Thank you, sir. Andrew Dice Clay and his son Max is here as well. What's happening? And Andrew, when I was a kid, man, when I was like 19 years old,

I had this girlfriend, this hot, dirty little Latino girl that I dated for a while. And she fucking loved your comedy. We would sit in my car and we would play your cassette. And this chick would fucking howl. She would cry and curl up in a ball. And I remember being a teenager, a kid, you know, sitting there listening to how fucking funny this stuff was and how dirty and different than anything there was ever you had broken a total new barrier for comedy to me when i was a kid there was never a comedian like you before there was like that had this sort of like

really aggressive sort of attitude about it and it was it was fun and it was like you could repeat the shit with you it was a weird phenomenon man so for for me to go from like listening to your stuff you know before i even got into an open mic and then being able to hang out with you at the store and getting advice from you at the store you were the first guy that ever told me to go on the road well you know what that because it was sort of driving me a little nuts with you. Because you were a new guy at the store. And, you know, you had a big career already. I mean, I don't know what people listening to this know of your whole career. But you had a hit sitcom on at the time.

This is before Fear Factor. It wasn't really a hit. It was only a hit when it got off the air. But it was on for five years. Yeah. And I would like, why isn't this guy on the road? Like, it would bother me. I always liked, you know, comics that were into their careers.

And obviously you were. And, you know, I saw you on stage doing your thing. And I'm like, why isn't this guy on the road? I mean, that's what this is all about. Yeah. You know, and i saw that you loved you know after seeing like one three hour set you know that you did i'm going obviously he likes being up there but why be up there for 25 for three hours when you could be on the road making

all this money i remember the conversation yeah and the back it was out back near that wall and i was like you got to go on the road now's that moment you know yeah and because even though you know i love what i do i also think business wise and when i started out and when i saw how you know to me how boring comics were you're not one of them obviously obviously. But no matter how funny they were, I would also get bored with them after five or six minutes because they knew nothing about performance. And that's even how the whole Dice thing started because I decided if I'm going to stay in comedy, my aim was never even comedy. I couldn't give a fuck about comics or comedy. I used the comedy stage because I wanted to get into acting.

And when I decided, okay, I'm going to do this, because I had a different act way before you knew me. I would do, like, impressions of Travolta. Yeah, and you used to close with the Dice Man. Yeah, no, what happened is my initial act was coming on stage as Jerry Lewis's nutty professor, you know, with the glasses and, actually, ladies and gentlemen, and doing all that shit. And I would take my magic potion,

and I would turn into John Travolta from Grease. Because Travolta, at the time I started my act, was the biggest thing in the world. Because he had Saturday Night Fever and he did Grease. And when I saw Grease I me and Travolta could have been brothers back then when I was like 17 so when I saw Grease I was like if I could sing and dance like this guy I could put together this act that just won't miss and so I went to a studio in Brooklyn took the album fromase. They took the lead vocal out of Grease Lightning.

And I started doing this act. I mean, the first time I went up in Pips in Brooklyn on audition night, you know, I came up as Jerry Lewis and it's a Brooklyn crowd. You know, and I'm up there with a giant tuxedo shirt covering the leather and my pants are rolled up under the tuxedo shirt, and I'm on stage going, actually, I'm a human pity, ladies and gentlemen. And, you know, it's a Brooklyn audience, and my whole family is there, you know. And everybody's yelling, get the fuck off, you fucking suck, fuck you, scumbag.

You know, and now I take the magic potion and they shut the lights and they turn like you did the music on which was my intro and I turn around as Travolta from Greece and the place went fucking insane and now I come up to the mic because it was like the potion could turn you into that kind of what as Jerry Lewis I would go this potion ladies and gentlemen as they're throwing shit at me can turn you into that kind of macho man or foxy woman or both you know so I take the potion and I turn into Travolta they go nuts I come up to the mic and I go so you thought it couldn't be done, right? And they go crazy.

Now I do the Grease Lightning number. So you're dancing and everything? Oh, I do the whole thing. Choreographed. Is music playing? Yeah, the whole Grease number with a dance in the middle that I had cut in between Fever and Grease. And the place goes nuts. And on the way out, the two owners, Marty and Seth Schultz, go,

wait a minute, where are you going? Because they wrecked the club. They started throwing tables over. Because I'm doing jokes as Travolta, like, so Mr. Carter says to me, he goes, Vinny, did you do your homework? What? You know, I was doing that whole Barbarino thing, you know.

So he was so hot at the time, Travolta, and there was such a resemblance. And the impression was so dead on. They go, we want you to headline this weekend. And they go, who's your manager? And I go, and I look at my dad. I go, he is. And they're going, well, it's only $50, but, you know, he gets to headline. And I'm like, great.

We couldn't even fucking believe what happened. So when I came out to the comedy store, you know he gets the headline and I'm like great we couldn't even fucking believe what happened so when I came out to the comedy store you know Mitchell Walters yeah I know yeah okay so Mitchell Walters was a comedy store comic who's from Brooklyn so he was back in Brooklyn like about four months into my career and he saw me on stage and he goes over to my father and he goes he's got to come out to LA.A. to do the comedy store. And I'm like, you know, I wasn't even into comedy. I couldn't care less, you know. And he kept calling. He goes, I spoke to Mitzi, the owner of the comedy store.

She's psyched for him to come out there. So I come out and I do the act. I do a 28-minute audition on, you know, the Monday night, whatever it was, where, you know, the emcee starts screaming at me when I come off stage. This guy, what was his name? Rob Aguayo. And I'm looking at the guy and I go, are you the manager? You know, no, I go, are you the owner here? And he goes, no.

And I go, then why are we even talking? I go, I didn't come, you know, across the country to do three minutes. And, of course, Mitzi, I got the call. I was in. How many times had you been on stage total at that point? You know what? I was in the business for about six months. But from the night I went on stage at Pips, I never came off.

Wow. Because I was totally driven to become this humongous star, whether it's a movie star or get my own show. And so when Mitzi met me, she goes, you're an absolute movie star. You know, I had more hair back then. But she goes, you're going to stay here and you'll hone your craft, the whole thing, just like you know about. And actually, I took that Travolta act

all the way to Don Kirshner's rock concert. And after Kirshner's rock concert, I was like, well, movie producers aren't going to buy me to be Jerry Lewis or John Travolta. I got to be myself on stage. And that's where the whole Dice type of character started. And when Mitzi saw it for the first time, it was so great. She goes, it's never going to work.

She goes, it's too tough. It's angry. It's tough. So I told her, just keep me at the Westwood Comedy Store. I go, don't worry about it. And when she said that, I knew how wrong she was. And I just went to work on it. You know, Westwood was where she would put all the newer guys like myself and Kennison and, you know, Roseanne, people like that that were new.

What part of town was that? That was in Westwood, right on Westwood Boulevard. And that's where I got to see like this first, this guy stabbed the guy in the alley there that had to stop a knife fight. Oh, it was nuts. This guy's just stabbing a guy. Jesus Christ. Like this. I'm going, what the? I had to stop a knife fight oh it was nuts this guy's just stabbing a guy like they're like like this i'm going what i had to run into the comedy store and get a stool to hit him wow you know because i'm not gonna get stabbed but i wanted to save the guy without the knife you know jesus christ and uh so i stayed at westwood and i developed the character and you

know the rest became history because what i was trying I'm going the long way but when I would see the comics that was my whole point on stage whether it was you know Leno or Richard Lewis so you know these were the cleaner guys but they would bore me after like five or six minutes I go they're funny but yeah they're boring. They don't perform it. There's no danger in it. Well, I decided I'm going to become the most exciting stand-up ever in history. If I'm going to do this, I want to give people something they never saw with a comedian. And growing up, like I said, I didn't really study comics. I studied big personalities, whether it be Elvis, whether it was Muhammad Ali. In movies, it was everybody from Stallone to Travolta to when I was a kid, James Dean and Brando.

And I said, give them that. I'm from Brooklyn. Give them that because producers will buy that for films. And that's how, like, the acting stuff started. Wow. You know, and, you know, through the years, I developed it. And then, you know, when the career took took off that's where the jackets became more elaborate like from everything I learned from Elvis growing up his performance his style and I said well I don't want to be Elvis but I want to give people the Elvis of comedy you know and that's how the whole thing happened

you know and then when Rodney gave me the shot on his special, that was the best because I would watch all these fucking Bozo comics at the store not working their ass off for that special. And they know who they are, you know what I mean? But I'm saying like on those nights where you got three people in the audience, they're going up and fucking around and they were going to be on the same special with me.

And I'm going, I don't give a fuck if the room is empty I just need to rehearse what I'm going to do because I knew when I'd be in front of the cameras how nerve-wracking it is and I didn't want to have to think about material I just wanted to think about perform for the country let them see what you've been working on all these years. And three months later, I'm in Nassau Coliseum. It was that quick. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I did over 300 sold out arena shows at 20,000 people a night. And nobody had ever done anything like that before. Well, that went on through night from 88 to 95. and then it was the cut-down arenas, like 10,000 people a night. I just kept going. Wow.

You know, and you know, and then... Nobody had ever seen that kind of comedy before. The difference between what you were doing and what anybody else was doing is it wasn't just that it was great stuff, and it was funny, and people were enjoying it and laughing. They could also do the rhymes along with you.

And people fucking love that. Well, you know what? Those rhymes, I still close with the Mother Goose stuff because it's almost like the hits. Yeah. Like, Matt, we're working on the special now. And even Max, like, even though he's a lot greener in the business, he knows a lot about it. And he goes, Dad, you've got to pull the hits.

He goes, you've got all this great new stuff, but you've got to give them some of those hits because I made it 25 years ago. It's not just that. Your stuff is more like a song. It's great to hear it again. If I don't do those poems, if I don't do the poems, the audience is depressed.

They're mad at you. Yeah, yeah. They're like, why didn't he do the poems? It's like going to see Leonard Skinner and they don't do Freebird. That's right.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you know, I can't tell you how many times in my life I've heard what's in the bowl, bitch. Yeah, it just became this gigantic thing that, you know know even now since entourage that was

the resurgence that i've been i did a southern tour recently and i didn't know it was going to go on you know because i haven't really been out there in a decade and i was with don jameson and jim florentine from that metal show and they've opened for me for years before they got the metal show. And they would come over to me and they go, it's just happening all over again. Because the mania of the crowds now, it might as well be 1988. And I didn't see that coming. You know, I just didn't see it coming again. You know, but I'm also that type, you know, and I think you got that in you, that fighter instinct, that belief in yourself that you can overcome anything. And it was like, you know what?

To do this special, I'm going to give them something once again where they think they can't be shocked anymore, where they think it's all been done, and it's not. They think it's all been done, and it's not. Because I don't care what anybody does on stage. I take my thoughts, and I create these fucking pictures in their head that are like cartoons. Because I'm not a political comic. I talk about, you know, if I'm talking about technology, I'm basically talking about, you know, even if you get on your computer to make believe you're going to your email, know you're headed for the porn sites we know where people are going that's what it's all about you know like even this new generation of women you know it's like they grew up on porn you know and I didn't come on here to do my material but that's what it is like I've had

a friend come to me and go yeah I went out went out with this chick. I really liked her. And, and you know, I wound up like doing everything with her the first night, you know? And so I'm not going to call her again cause she's a real pig. And I go, you know,

I go, but she did what you wanted her to do. And maybe you're the only fucking guy she ever did that with. Did you ever think of that? You know, maybe she doesn't do that with every fucking guy and she liked you enough to do it and the guy wound up marrying her wow strong yes no but but i'm saying you know you can't you know i always loved sex i always you know the the reason i even got out to the women's stuff like with with uh what i do on stage is

because when i grew up in bro, I always had a girlfriend, but, you know, I always treated them with a lot of respect. I wouldn't even think of touching that tit for the first couple months. You know, I just wouldn't do it, you know, unless they pushed the issue. But when I moved to LA in 80, it wasn't even 89 yet. No, it wasn't even 79 yet. It was a whole different set of fucking rules out here like I would try like if I met a girl why don't we go over to Ben Frank's well where do you live I go no we'll go for a bite well we could just go up to your house and hang out and then it was just one after the other and that's where the material would come from because girls that another guy would be writing a love letter to,

you know, is now, you know, licking my balls like she's the house dog. You know, and I was like, this is the subject matter right here. You know, that's where lines like, treat me like the pig that I am, because that's how they wanted to be treated. But back then, when my career took off in 88 and i did my special and i would do you know they're wearing the heels and the hair with that attitude like treat me like the pig that i am and women would get insulted from that back then they knew what fucking slobs they were they just won't admit it today they're the most aggressive fucking generation I've ever come to know.

Do you think it was like Sex and the City? Did it start that? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, with the little piglets on there. Like it's okay to be a hooker. Yeah, and that was a smart show because they didn't put women on there that were tens. Right. You know what I mean?

They were okay. So I do a bit on the know the sex in the city with sarah jessica got a face that looks like it did fucking prison time you know what i mean but the one that always got me was uh myrna the short red hair whatever the fucking name is and she that was an episode where she was talking about you know uh licking a guy's ass calling it in a cute way tushalingus and I'm watching this going even if a girl wanted to do that to me now I wouldn't want it because I'm gonna picture this little pigeon face coming out of my ass with a face full of shit you know with no tits concave then I'm going what do

you do with concave tits put a scoop of ice cream in each fucking one you know what I mean so but but it was a smart show because women in america you know you know that weren't that great looking could look at that show and go well if they could get all that cock so can i did you go you went through a period of time in your career where there was like so much pushback against your material and against like like you know what what against what they were calling misogynist comedy that didn't you kind of cleaned it up a little bit for a while, right? I never cleaned it up.

What I did when I did a series for CBS called Bless This House, they wanted me, that's the fucked up thing with doing a network show. They wanted to, like on that show, they won't even put the fucked up thing with doing a network show they wanted to like like on that show they won't even put the credit as andrew dice clay it was andrew clay and i'll never forget my my booking agent going what do they think people aren't going to know who it is you know what i mean and and that that's what it didn't tone me down because, thank God, the show got canceled when it did. Because I was so fucking bored every day. I put on like 40 pounds in three months playing a postman.

And, you know, when the show got canceled, this is the fun, Max loves this. The day the show got canceled, like, I was the happiest guy in the world. I came home and I ran three miles. You know, my wife goes, what's the matter? Why are you home early? I go, the show got canceled. I go, I'm going running. I got to get ready for the special because I booked the special with HBO for three months down the road.

And I had to get in shape to do the special. You know, and the next day after the show was canceled, I went to Cannon Drive in Beverly Hills where Kathy Moriarty, who starred with me in the show, owned a pizza place. And the whole cast is sitting around this table outside, like, with their head in their hands, like, how's everybody doing? I get out of the truck because I'm coming to get dinner for, you know, my family.

Well, you know, I go, yeah, I know, I got to grab a pizza. I got to get out of here. I was just thrilled as, you know, thrilled to death that I didn't have to show up at that studio anymore. That's one of the worst prisons for a comic is doing something that's not funny. Well, they really tied my hands. I mean, you know, I would have, you know, fights with the producer over lines, you know, especially when they make you say the word freaking,

which I always hated. I hate that word too. Yeah, I'm going, you know, like people don't know what you're saying. Just write something else. He goes, well, we're not a joke store. I go, then just send me the fuck home. You know, one time I did a line on that show. We had this director.

The guy that did the pilot got the job directing the season. And, you know, it was the opening of an episode. And I walk in and the kids are watching TV. And I come in and I go, Daddy made it through another day. And I look at the TV. I go, by the way, they never get off the island. And you shut the TV, right? So I come in and it's a full audience,

you know, studio audience, you know about it. And, you know, so I go, you know, they never get off the island. And before I click the thing, I go, but I'll tell you that ginger keeps getting better looking. And the director comes over, he goes, what are you playing to a bunch of fucking skinheads? And I look at this guy and I go, you know what?

You play my part, I'm going home. And I leave the studio what you play my part I'm going home and I leave the studio and at that time I was with uh Michael Rotenberg was my manager but he was also producer of that show and I get a call from him and he goes where are you and I go I'm going home he goes you can't go home there's 300 people here what do you mean you're going home I go the guy fucking said this and I don't want to work with him anymore I don't want to do the show and he goes you gotta there's 300 people here what do you mean you're going home I go the guy fucking said this and I don't want to work with him anymore I don't want to do the show and he goes you gotta come back

please come back we'll straighten it out tomorrow and I go to the guy because I'm like a five year old can I stop and get a Slurpee first he goes get the fucking Slurpee and get back here you know and then they fired the director the next day and then they cancelled the show like four weeks later, and I was really happy about it.

My first show I was ever on got canceled pretty quickly. It was a real similar thing. There was a producer who was completely out of his head who rewrote everything himself. He'd take it from the writers. Really funny guys. The guys who wrote The Simpsons. They wrote Married with Children.

I was on a baseball show called Hardball. Yeah, that one I don't know about it's terrible it was only on for like six episodes but what did I just move to LA and get series yeah I watched amazing I came out here for that show mm-hmm I was living in New York and I did the MTV half-hour comedy hour and when I did that I started getting all these development deal offers out of nowhere it was crazy I just did this one one day and you got a one little seven. I just did this one TV show. One thing, and you got a TV show?

One little seven-minute thing. You get a TV show, and I get banned for life from MTV. I had never done any acting. I didn't know anything about... Are you still banned today? Like, could you... You know what? They invited me to this past MTV Awards

to be in the audience. So I guess the banning is over now, but it was banned for life. That's so ridiculous. And then I'm watching Chris Brown, who beat a girl to a pulp, flying through the air. So in other words,

I can't say a couple little rhymes because the poem that got me banned was the Jack Spratt could eat no fat his wife could eat no lean so jack ignored her flabby tits and licked her asshole clean and the reason i even did that material on the awards is because before i came out you know arsenio was hosting it and uh dick cl Clark I'm supposed to bring on Cher that was my job and Dick Clark comes over to me he goes look if you got a stretch if Cher's not ready you know Arsenio will come over and I go how can't she be ready she's putting on a thong what won't she be

ready for you know right I go don't send Arsenio over we didn't prepare anything here and as he's doing this he's going no you, you'll stress. I go, please, don't tell me what to fucking do when I'm out there. And I'm thinking this is Dick Clark. And I love the guy. But now they introduced me and I came out angry. And there were a couple other comics that

were on that night. Paul Reiser came out there. As a comic, he's a good comic, but he is talking about the hats that Frank Sinatra wore. And I'm sitting in the crowd going, nobody's paying attention. And I had all this heat from the Rodney special. I'm not going to go out there and bomb.

I'm going to let them fucking have it. That's it. Yeah, that's it. So afterwards, when they would take me into the press tents, not one question was asked. It was amazing to see. And then the next day it was, you know, Dice banned for life from MTV.

And then, you know. It's so silly. Well, it was silly, but it also, you know, upped the career even more. Then the arenas were selling even crazier. Can you imagine that happening now, though? Being banned from MTV now? No.

Oh, Jesus. But your point about Chris Brown Is such a good one We need to start an internet campaign Dice back to MTV Would you be interested in a show? If they were smart They'd have me host Because since that award show

Nothing exciting has happened on there You don't understand I didn't get press for a week. I got press for three years from that MTV. They didn't even mention the fucking winners when it happened. I was in every newspaper on every news show, and I'm going, I'm a fucking comic. Like, it was so overwhelming. Would you live with a Snooki or a Loader if they wanted you to? No, I don't want to do that kind of show.

You know, I watch that show, you know, but, you know, I don't need Snooki in my life. It's fun to just say Snooki, though. Yeah. It's so fun to say. I mean, you know. Can you imagine him living with Kurt Loader? Or was that his name? Which one is he?

He's the original guy. Well, Kurt Looder's the guy that had to talk about me being banned from MTV. Who is it that got really pissy about it, though? Somebody was really disappointing. They were like, misogyny is not funny.

Oh, no. I had every group, the NOW organization. Like, over what? Like, what kind of unrealistic expectations do these people have? Well, you also got to understand. You got to understand that was when the whole, the gays were coming out of the closet when I hit.

And I would do all the jokes like, you know, bisexual. And I'm like, what do you mean? You either suck dick or you don't suck dick. You know, and it wasn't hateful jokes. It was just on the money. You know, and then the rest of the joke was, what do you do? Wake up in the morning, flip a coin to decide you know the joke. Offensive comedy is a legitimate genre of comedy

that does not get the respect that it deserves. Well, it's like I tell Max, be truthful on stage. Talk about your life. It's the funniest shit. And it's proof positive that despite the fact that, look, they could never put any of your stuff that you did they could never put it on the tonight show they could never put it on you know

any sort of mainstream show but yet you sold out arena after arena like no other comic so it's really ridiculous but even with the talk shows I used to look at them like you know you got a guy here selling 80,000 seats a weekend you know, you got a guy here selling 80,000 seats a weekend, you know, and guys like Letteman and Leno.

That wasn't good enough for them. You know what I mean? But you should do your own talk show. You know what? I don't want to do a talk show. You know, what about on the Internet? Would you be interested in doing like a podcast? Not really.

You know what? Just anything you could just turn on anytime you want. What I'm going to do, I'm going to do this special. You know, you know, I see what's going on on the road.? What I'm going to do, I'm going to do this special. You know, I see what's going on on the road. And then I'm going to go into these big places again. I want to do the type of tour that fans have been wanting from me for years again. So I'm making damn sure that this special, you know, just is a sledgehammer over people's heads. And, you know, when I got all that negative press I

wasn't expecting that when my career took off I didn't grow up going I want to be a controversial comic I didn't even think of this shit but the day after my first special aired the Dice Man Cometh the New York Times put the demise of Western civilization and that's what started all that shit but and it bothered me you know it was like wait a minute, don't they get it? I'm a comic. But today, I got all this history, and I'm like, who gives a fuck what anybody thinks about me?

You know what I mean? As long as my kids know what I am and my wife knows what I am, that's what matters to me. If they want to write bad shit, write it. Because what I'm talking about there is truthful. It might be in a cartoon sense when I'm talking about crazy sex, and I'm talking about there is truthful it might be in a cartoon sense when I'm talking about crazy sex you know and I'm talking about this new generation I'm talking about you know years ago you go out on a first date what'd you do you made out with the girl

a little maybe you got some side tit through her coat that you could tell your friends the next day I go this generation of women when you go out on a first date if you don't come all over her she thinks you don't fucking like her. I go, I went on a second date with a girl. She goes, I didn't even think you were going to call because you didn't come on. I'm going, honey, relax. I go, tonight it's going to be like I put your head

under a fucking yogurt machine and pulled the nozzle. I go, that's what it is today, so why not be truthful about it and let people laugh over what fucking animals they've become One of my favorite things that I know about you Is that you always have a camcorder And you're always documenting everything And like myself I do the exact same thing Are you ever going to take all that footage

And digitize it and do a documentary Well now there's people that want to do You know Dice documentary. I'm talking with, you know who George Gallo is, the writer? He did movies like Midnight Run with Daenerys. He's done a lot of, you know, he's got a 20, what was it? 29th Street. Who was the guy he was in Midnight Run with?

Grodin. Where'd it ever happen to that guy? I don't know. Who gives a fuck? I don't care if he fell off a cliff. You know, I don't get it. Is he sitting there going, I want to wear dices?

Well, you gotta... Do you care about John Travolta? This whole story that John Travolta... Well, you know what? I think they should just leave fucking Travolta alone. You know what I mean? You know, because I'm a fan.

I've always been a fan. And, you know, his personal life is his personal life. Who gives a fuck what he does? Yeah, it's weird that these people are willing to jump on board now. Like, new masseuses now are coming out and saying that he tried to grope them, too. Like, why are you saying it now? Isn't it expected anyways?

Well, it's not just Travolta. And, you know, like I said, I don't want to do all this material I'm going to do on the special. But, you know, when they make such a big deal, you know, with this new presidential race, and these guys are coming up, there shouldn't be gay marriage. I'm going, wait a minute. The country's falling apart.

Nobody could even fill their fucking gas tank without getting angry. And you're worried if two guys want to put a ring on each other's finger and say, I fucking love you? I would love to see a 24-hour camera on Travolta's love life. Yeah. Come on. He must be living like a savage.

I think it must be such a charge just to get guys, like if he's getting massages. He's John Travolta. I bet. How many guys do you think he probably got to jerk him off like that? Most of them, right? I'm not staying on it. I'm a fan. I'm a fan, too.

You know, he's a fucking great actor. But what I'm saying is... He made that Pelham 1, 2, 3, whatever the fuck it was. The one with Denzel Washington, the remake of that movie. He's a fucking great bad guy. I mean, you forget sometimes what a bad motherfucker John Travolta still is. Yeah, but he also did Swordfish. He was bad in that. You know what I mean?

He was a bad guy in that. Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that. Pulp Fiction. Well, Pulp Fiction was the resurgence for him. Is Pelham 1-2-3 or whatever the numbers were? I think it's 1-2-3. He was fucking, it was a stellar performance. I mean, he really comes off

like a real psycho. Yeah, he does. He's a bad motherfucker. I was watching Grease last night. I love that movie. That's so stupid to say, but it feels good. Why try to knock a guy down that's done and accomplished what he's done in his life? I would like the guy to be free. I would like the guy to be able to just come out and say,

look, I like girls and sometimes I like guys too. What do you give a fuck? Leave me alone. That's what I'm saying. We live in 2012. I remember one time I was on Howard Stern and he goes, this was over the last couple of years. He goes, the truth, Dice.

Did you ever like, you know, like he plays, did was over the last couple of years, he goes, the truth Dice, you know, did you ever like, you know, like he plays like did you ever go gay or anything? I go, let me tell you something. I'm in my early 50s. Do you think if I wanted to suck dick, I'd be afraid to fucking say it? You know what I mean? If that's what I wanted, if I wanted

some guy's balls rolling around my face, I'd fucking have it. And I wouldn't be shy about it. And I wouldn't care what they fucking said about it because that's what I like to do. That's something, as you become a man, you really come to grips with that. Dom Herrera was on the podcast and he said,

I wish I was gay just so I could come out. He goes, that's how little of a fuck I give. Yeah, you know, you got to be. You know what it is? You get this one life, you owe it to yourself to be what you want to fucking be. Yes, I agree. I just happen to love the box. I always did since I'm a kid.

That's what I like. It's all good. Yeah, I would like a guy like Travolta to be in a society where it wouldn't even be an issue. It's always going to be an issue. They're going to have something to yell about. It's so silly. It's just so dumb. Who cares?

Gay marriage. People care being thrown out of their homes. They want to talk about gay marriage. And I think they talk about it because they're sucking dick. They're masking it. How great would a documentary... Remember that Mike Tyson documentary where Mike Tyson just sat down

and he started talking about his life? Yeah, I saw that. How great would a documentary just Travolta sitting in a room just on a chair by himself talking about how many different masseuses he's got to suck his dick and just going over how he breaks them down. He's not going to

leave. He's not going to. No disrespect. I think the guy's a beautiful actor. I think he's fucking fantastic. And I don't care what he does, but I would think that would be a brilliant thing to watch. Because I gotta think he probably seduces a lot of those guys. A lot of those guys are probably straight guys.

I don't know. I don't have the answer for you. That's something, for whatever reason, that's something that a lot of gay guys get a kick out of, supposedly. Yeah, you feel like jerking me off right now? We only got ten minutes. Apparently he was telling dudes shit like, I actually admired his game.

He was telling dudes shit like, I don't like elbows and I don't like forearms. Only hands and work exclusively on the buttocks. And you know what? All I want is elbows and fucking it, right? I'm constantly getting my back. I got the worst fucking back in history. Yeah, I've just gotten over a back injury injury i got a back injury in jujitsu that it took like three months to heal

when you get older it's like i tell max the only guy in comedy i'd never want to have a fight with joe rogan you're the only guy i give it up to i got any comic that's ever fucked with me i like look at them and go why would you want to do this to yourself? Because I'm an animal, you know what I mean? I go, Rogan is the real deal. I go, you've got to be an asshole to come over to him and start. I've seen Rogan go after his fans outside the comedy club. He would have an argument in the fucking... He's having an argument with this guy.

Well, I'll tell you another argument, which was even funnier. He has an argument with this guy, Max, and the guy walks out, and then after a show, he comes out and continues with like 20 people between. He's going, fuck you. What the fuck are you going to do?

And he's like spitting at the guy. He hated him so much. Well, he threatened one of the other comedians. No, I know. I know the deal, but it was just so great to see because you have a temper like mine. I go fucking nuts. I got a bad temper.

And then one night you got mad. This wasn't about a physical thing. But we were sitting out back and just talking. And this woman just said the wrong thing to you about salt. Like salt isn't good for you. And you went, what the fuck are you talking about salt is a fucking what'd you say it's a mineral yeah it's a fucking mineral but i'm like like it was the most important thing in your mind do you understand you don't know what the fuck you're

even fucking talking about i'm going he's not even on stage and he's going berserk you know and i'm like getting this show and it went on for a good 10 minutes and she's going no salt is not you don't know what the fuck you don't know anything about the body you don't know anything about nutrition it's a fucking mineral oh you went insane over it and i'm going you know the man needs a couch he needs to talk to somebody that's all you know but it was hysterical you know anytime I've seen you blow up like that I take it like I'd rather watch you outside screaming at somebody to watch any 10 comics on stage you know what I mean it's so entertaining that's why you love what you do cuz you know you go nuts you know

you know you you know when you're on stage how you get. Yeah, totally. It's fucking crazy. I love it. That's what I like to watch. You know, I can't sit there and go, ha-ha, it's not good enough. Ha-ha just doesn't fucking work. Not today.

That mineral lady threw a cigarette at me. Oh, did she? I don't remember that. That was before that. Well, look at how you were screaming at her. She was scared to death. No, it was before that. She threw a cigarette at me. Oh, did she? I don't remember that. That was before that. Well, look at how you were screaming at her. She was scared to death. No, it was before that. She threw a cigarette

at me before that. That's why I was pissed. I was like, why are you even here? What are you doing? You're just some crazy person hanging out back here interrupting conversations.

I'm much better now. I've calmed myself dramatically over the years. Have you? But what about on stage? Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, on stage you go nuts.

Well, until something ridiculous happens. But I always, I try to be friendly about it as much as possible, even while they're getting kicked out. I should be interviewing you because I'll come over to Joe

at the store and go, what should I do for this muscle or that muscle? Because he knows anything you want to know about working out, that's who you talk to, Max. You know what you have to tell him?

What? What happened at the RIV a couple nights ago when the guy got thrown out and then you came out? Oh, yeah. I wanted to fight this guy. What I do, you know, if somebody talks during my show

or I see a phone, I'll throw them out. I actually throw them out. You know, and the funniest part of the whole thing, like I'll warn them one time. I go, let me tell you something. You're going to have to face the back wall for 10 minutes you know if you do that one more time but the funniest part is when I decide to throw them out

and security comes over the look in their face like what are you kidding and like when they're thrown out what was I throwing out you were fucking talking I was having a good time it's a comedy you were fucking talking

and he told you don't talk So anyway I wasn't on stage yet Eleanor was And all of a sudden I hear her going What the fuck is your problem? I gave you eight fucking minutes already

So I start screaming at the producer of the show I go Get that fucking guy out of this fucking room before i go up i'll kill this fucking guy so now and i i've never done this i'm in the back dressing room and i come out of the back and the guy's out there now who's coming to see me right and he's being read the riot act and being told to leave. I go, you motherfucker. And he looks at me and he goes, Dice, I just want, I go, I would have fucking thrown you out. You're just a drunken fucking cocksucker.

And he's going, but Dice, I said, I want to throw you down that fucking flight of steps. Do you understand me? I go, I don't want you to be my fan. I fucking hate your fucking gut. And he's like, he goes, oh yeah, you want to make some? And Max is there. And I go, yeah, I'll throw you down that fucking escalator. You understand me? And now my wife comes running over Valerie and she's going, please go in the back. That's what he wants. I go, I don't give a fuck what he wants. I want to get my hands around his fucking throat. That's what I fucking want. And then I'm hearing Eleanor start to introduce me from the showroom.

And then I just come out to my music like nothing fucking happened. And I know this guy's in his car flinging my CDs out the fucking window. And Max was like, I don't give a fuck. That was like the greatest thing I ever saw. When you do live comedy, you can run across your share of fucking drunk retards. Drunk retards and assholes and crazy people at a show. But one of the things about working at the store was you were guaranteed to have confrontations. The store is a vortex.

All the time. A vortex of craziness. Some of the funniest shows I ever saw was just you just attacking people in the audience. Well, you know, you came up with something that I've been using for years that I don't know if you know came from you. You were sitting with Eleanor one night in the back of the store, and I was ripping some guy apart. And you told Eleanor, you go, I love when he turns into Dice Mean. Yeah. You know, because a lot of them, I actually, the minute they talk,

I just hate their guts, but it's for real. It's not like a stage persona thing. I just turn into myself. Now I'm just from Brooklyn again. And it's like I want that person to know how much I fucking hate them. You know, it's like I know you brought up at the beginning, you know, this puppet head, whatever the fuck his name is, that fucked with Max. You know, because, you know, he just, and the reason he fucked with Max was because he just had to talk more on your show.

He wanted more, you know, TV time, whatever the fuck this computer is. You know, I don't really know about the technological world that much, but that's why he opened his fucking mouth. You know what I mean? And I'm not going to rip him apart. I know the guy, he's a nice guy, but he should shut his fucking mouth. When somebody else is talking, just shut your fucking mouth because nobody cares what the fuck you got to say. For people that have no idea what any of this is about,

there was a show that we did with a good friend of ours, Mark Ellis, and he was sitting there with Max, and Max was telling a passionate tale of youth, a passionate tale of discovery and getting laid as a band member. And this guy kind of mocked his tale, saying, well, that's what you're supposed to do when you're in a band. It would be cool except you're in a band. Yeah, only he wasn't...

Was this guy 14 years old at the fucking whiskey? You know what I mean? If you ever heard their music, you'd be blown out because they were off in record deals their second time at the whiskey, and my other son, Dylan, who's four years younger than Max,

was only 14 at the time. What Max, or rather what Mark said was totally blown out of proportion. And when I was talking... We're friends. Yeah, me and Mark are friends. I don't give a fuck. He shouldn't have talked. No, he was just...

You know, I'm glad you're friends with him. He was strictly joking. But when you got a face that looks like a squeeze doll that your eyes nose and tongue could pop out you should shut your fucking mouth when somebody's telling a story but now i'm gonna end up running into him oh it's gonna be fine it's gonna be no it's gonna be fine you put a picture up online you motherfucker oh brian how dare you he should just keep his mouth shut i like the guy he's a good guy dice i got nothing against the guy. He was totally joking around, right? Max will tell you. It was totally just...

A thousand percent just goofing around. I'll handle this guy when I see him at the store. I'm going to see him at the store. I'll handle this fucking guy. He doesn't have a malicious bone in his body. I'll get the pipe for this fucking guy. He's a great guy. I'll bang his head through his fucking shoes

and we'll see if he ever talks again. He was just trying to be funny. No, I'm just goofing around. I like Mark Ellis. I'm just kidding around. I never pick my hands up to nobody. I know you don't. You know that.

Nice guy, puppet head. It's amazing to get through. Mark the Puppet Ellis. Let's see how he gets laid with that name when a girl goes, aren't you Mark the Puppet? You know what I mean? Let's see how he gets laid with that name When a girl goes Aren't you Mark the Puppet? You know what I mean? Let's see how much pussy he gets That should be the fucking quote

On the cover of his book Well you know what? Mark if you write a book Use that as a quote Yeah Mark the Puppet And I like him I got nothing against the guy I see him every night at the store

I think the store is about to No when I give a nickname It sticks That's it Anybody ever give a nickname to I think the store's about to... No, when I give a nickname, it sticks. That's it. Anybody ever give a nickname to? I think the store's about to get caved in by that mountain in the back,

you know, where everyone goes to smoke pot and stuff like that. Dude, big, huge chunks are now falling from it. Like the other day, just something hit the wall and it was like...

Yeah, but that's going on for 30 years. It hasn't been... Yeah, that's the reason why it's falling. Yeah, everybody's always going on. A mountain's going to fall into the store, right?

Yeah. So if it does, we'll perform on the street. It is kind of a crazy thing to have one of those houses up there above it. I lived up there for six years. Cresthill? Yeah.

Yeah, that was a beautiful place. Nobody lived in that house longer than me. Really? Yeah. I almost bought that house. You want to hear the funniest story? Yeah. You know, I've had a bunch of wives.

I got a brand new wife now that I just got. And my first wife wife when I married her you know we come back to LA and she had an apartment like off a fountain somewhere so we take a cab to her apartment we come back from New York and she goes okay tomorrow we'll go we'll pack all your stuff up and you know you'll move in here and I'm standing there and I go uh I'm I'm not moving out she goes what do you mean you're not moving out I go I gotta stay in Cresthill till I make it I go I'm not gonna live with you she goes you married me yeah but it's not like I won't see you you know I'll come over a lot you know she actually used to come by my house

seven o'clock in the morning on her way to work because i was like in the maid's room in crystal and i'd sleep with the windows open it had those you know it's a spanish house with the bars and she'd be like andrew and go yeah and she goes no i just wanted to stop by i'm going to work i go yeah i'll call you later we'll go out tonight you know because you know it was like an emergency wedding and uh because she thought she was pregnant at the time whatever and and I wouldn't move in with her so she moved into so she winds up moving into Cresthill you know she moves into Cresthill and I said don't tell anybody we're married nobody can know we're married and she goes why not I go well your parents can know but I go I'm building a certain image you know you

know I was like 26 you know I go you know and I married you for you you know not really for me you know so you know when you have this baby you know it'll be legitimate whatever and uh she goes so nobody could even know we're married? I go, yeah, for what? We know we're married. You know, and obviously that marriage fell apart. She moved into Crest Hill, and then Mitzi threw us out, you know, because she didn't want girlfriends up there. God forbid she knew I got married. But I was in Crest Hill for over six years. Did Mitzi ever give you advice?

Yeah, not to do the act I was doing when I started. Because she couldn't figure it out right you know she was too aggressive but when she couldn't figure it out I go it's never been seen and that's why I knew it would work it was almost like taking the kind of characters you would see like Travolta doing movies like you know Tony Manero those kind of and putting them on a comedy stage that was my idea Wow that was a interesting time to Mitzi another time told me all right here's another time I knew I was going through the roof my second album which was called the day the laughter died was a double CD with like no people in the audience from From Dangerfield. Yeah.

So you know the album. I know it well. So Mitzi. What can we tell you about it? Yeah, go ahead. I was introduced to it by a guy named Mike Donovan, who is a top-notch Boston comic. Really funny guy, but a local guy. One of those guys who just never leaves. And he is in fucking tears, crying in the back of the comedy connection.

And he's listening to this cassette. And he's crying. Tears are coming out. of the comedy connection. And he's listening to this cassette. And he's crying. Tears are coming out. And the guy can't breathe. And you're doing this thing about doing Nixon in a girl's ass. Like doing a Nixon impression while you're eating a girl's ass. And I'm telling you, Mike Donovan is fucking crying. He goes, this is the greatest CD I've ever heard in my life.

And he goes, the fucking guy just goes into a club. No one knows he's going to be there. There's ten people in the fucking audience and he has no no nothing planned does whatever the fuck he wants talks about whatever he wants he walks the whole crowd they're screaming and yelling at him he goes it's fucking brilliant and he goes and he put it all on a cd he's this guy was crying tears were coming down his eyes his face was red listening to you do next what happened with that album is uh i was doing the arenas at the time. So the first album was like a high-powered album.

And of course, we also recorded The God, and that was an album, Dice Rules. But then I wanted to do a concept of the ultimate late-night set. So Rick Rubin was the producer, but David Geffen would put out the albums. So first I get a call from David Geffen going uh I heard the new album and I go yeah he goes uh he goes I don't get it I go what's not to

get he goes there's no people you know and you hear people walking out on you and I go well it's a concept it's the ultimate late night set he goes okay but why does it have to be a double cd because it's like two and a half hours two and a half hours and I go because it's never been nobody's ever done anything like that he goes okay it's your career you know so now Mitzi wants to hear some of the new album. So she comes up to my house like late at night. I'm with my friend. And we start playing it for her. And she's sitting there listening.

And she starts smoking. You know, she smokes cigarettes. And she goes, Andrew, this is going to ruin your career. I go, you don't like it? You know, I'm like goofing on her. She goes, no, I don't like it. You know, I'm like goofing on her. She goes, no, I don't like it. She goes, you're playing the LA Forum. Why would you put this out?

I go, it's never been done. Why don't people understand that shit? So the album comes out and it goes gold in four days. And to this day, it's the favorite album of any of my fans. It's the, that I actually of my fans. It's the... I actually did a sequel, The Day to Laugh to Die Part 2, because people loved it so much.

Well, it's such a real moment, you know, when that guy, you're about as funny as a glass of milk. Yeah, and any other comic would have cut that out of the album. I wanted that reaction. It was an... You know, it was like a late night tourist crowd.

They're not expecting me. It was perfect. I had some bachelorette party there. I'm telling them, I forgot what's even on the album because I was making it up. I had some notes in my pocket that said, like Bette Midler shits yodels, nobody believes me. That people, when they run into me, they go, what did that mean exactly?

What does hourback mean? I'll call you in an hour back get it but you keep saying it like why what's the meaning and i never talk about it that's i never give up on my own goofs you know and you know and i just never will that's a goof to a fucking very high scale, though. Yeah, that album would have doubled. You know, I mean, but the speed of the sales and how much people loved it. Like if it was the computer age, it would have just been a million tweets and a million. Well, what people loved it, what they loved about it was, first of all, there was nothing like it. No one ever put a CD out of a 15, 20 person audience And half the people leaving and yelling at them No one's ever done that before

Well the second one ends with I gotta fight this guy You know I was looking On the second day to Laugh The Died You know because there's no beginning, middle or end I'm looking how am I going to end this And these like two couples come in And they're drunk

And I forgot what they were even saying, but I get into it with the guy. And then I drop the mic to go after him, and the album goes to nothing. That's how the album ends. Because at that time, Club Soda Kenny, who was my bodyguard, he jumped on me as I was running to jump on the guy

because he didn't want me to have a multi-million dollar lawsuit. I love Club Soda Kenny. Yeah, but stuff like that would always go on. But this was recorded. That's why it was so great. And then those people were still there when I was done recording, and I went over to thank the guy for getting me angry

and explained to the guy because I had no end for the album. And now I do, so I bought the guy for getting me angry and explain to the guy because I had no end for the album. And now I do. So I bought the guy a drink. Because the guy thought I'm coming over now to fight him because he's out like me at a bar. And I'm like, no, I don't want to fight you. That was great inside. You made the album happen.

I now have a great ending. Nobody's going to know what happened once I dropped the mic. Because I really got crazy. Like, I lose it. I don't a great ending. Nobody's going to know what happened once I dropped the mic. Because I really got crazy. Like, I lose it. I don't know what happened. It's what always happened to me, you know. Well, you're also in that enhanced environment when you're on stage. You know, when you're jacked up like that on stage,

especially when you're in the middle of something. Was the guy heckling? Yeah. He was just yelling shit. You know, when I get somebody too drunk in an audience that's when i lose it yeah because i make no excuses for adults i just don't that's why you know with the puppet you know yeah he's an adult i don't make an excuse poor mark mark no he's a good guy i love the guy he fucked up you know he did fuck up though now he knows yeah now he knows

forever now i guess yeah yeah and and when he knows. Yeah, now he knows better. Forever now, I guess, yeah. Yeah, and when he sees me at the store, he shouldn't even bring it up. That would be the smart thing. The smart thing is correct, yes. Don't even talk about it. I don't want to get mad. Save it.

I've been trying to watch. Maybe say a hello, sir. That might be nice. Yeah, how you doing? Mr. Clay. I'm going to now have to have a conversation with him just to let him know it's cool. No, but I love that Max is doing the comedy. He actually worked with me last week in Vegas.

He did it down here at the Ice House a couple weeks ago and killed it. Everybody came back with great reports. So much. It's amazing, man. It's beautiful to see. I mean, you are the son of one of the all-time greatest comics. I mean, that's a fact. Dice is, without a doubt, one of the all-time greats.

In my book, he's right up there. There's only a few comics. There's only room for, like, if you had room for top five, like five greatest comics of all time, he's in there for sure, 100%. You are the son of that, dude. Stop and think about how many. No, but it's not a big deal. I don't make it a big deal with them.

You should know. No, but he does know. He deal. I don't make it a big deal with them. You should know. No, but he does know. He knows the history. He knows it all. But I always taught Max and Dylan, you know, they know who I am, but it's always make your own road. You know what I mean? You know, not to live in my shadow.

If you do comedy, do your own kind of comedy. Well, I remember I ran into you at the improv, and you were telling me how he was doing comedy, and you were so proud of him, man. It was really cool to see. You were so happy that it was working out well for me. It just had a set and just killed, and you could see you had this, like,

just a real, genuine appreciation of it. Well, you know what it is? He also has the work ethic. You know what I mean? He's at it every night. He doesn't even let me come where he performs unless he's working with me. And I can't blame him. That's awesome, man.

You don't need that pressure in the crowd of me watching you. But in Vegas, I would make mental notes and we talk about, like, he'll come home like two in the morning and I'll be out like on the curb like I'm in Brooklyn smoking cigarettes and we'll first talk comedy till four o'clock. Oh, that's awesome.

That's the best. That's awesome. So, I mean, he knows what he's doing and he'll be on the special too. Does it give you an extra push seeing your son going through the whole beginning stages and seeing him putting together an act? Does it charge you up for it, make you more creative or more excited about it? Well, you know what? I always believed in teaching kids by example.

I'm one of those fathers that actually raised my kids. And a big part of what I'm doing now, and yeah, it's a personal thing. It's a job that's unfinished. And that's why this special is going to be my last special. I'm actually going to do it at the Wilbur Theater in Boston because Boston's always been great with me. It's like a second home from Brooklyn. Great comedy town.

Boston, Philadelphia. So I'm going to do it there. Max is going to be part of that show, and he's going to show what he's got on that show. Oh, that's beautiful. But I always taught them by example and by me doing this, by me training physically and mentally

and being on stage every night shows him that even after all these years of comedy, I'm not taking this special and going, alright, I'll do the little special and see what happens. I'm making sure that every comic watching this thing,

especially the haters, sit there and go, fuck. Why? Why does he still have that fucking thing? You know what I mean? Because, you know, I'll be honest about right before I got Entourage, I was about a

42 waist. And then I got Entourage, I was about a 42 waist, okay? And then I got Entourage, I'm like, all right, I can't be the fat guy in the Entourage. So I started training and I got in good enough shape to do the show. And then I kept going because I don't just think of, well, let's see what happens from Entourage. I didn't wait for the phone to ring. I'm 10 steps ahead thinking, okay, start touring, build up, do the special, then do a major tour. I was with David Ritz last night. He's going to do my autobiography. He's done people. He did Don Rickles as far as comics.

He's done Marvin Gaye. He did. Wow. What's the movie Jamie Foxx started? Ray Charles. Ray Charles. He wrote that book. He's written a ton of books, and now he wants to do mine.

And George Gallo wants to do the movie. Who would play you? Well, I'll let Max tell you how that came about. You can tell him the story, who should play me. Well, the name that I guess we've all been discussing is James Franco. Oh. And I met with Franco about two and a half years ago to discuss the movie. And because he would have that look of me like in the 30s.

Yeah. Like when I was in my 30s. He can act as fucking asshole. Yeah, he can do it. By the time, we met for about three hours. By the time he left my hotel, he was doing, not Dice, he was doing Andrew. I mean, he's a real method actor. He would know how to play that role perfectly.

Yeah, he's a real fucking actor. Yeah, I mean, you do a role like, there he is. You know, and he's the type of guy that, like, he'll move in with you to learn everything you do. He's the type of guy that he'll move in with you to learn everything you do. Did you ever see Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas where Johnny Depp played Hunter S. Thompson? No. He lived with Hunter S. Thompson. Lived in his basement for like six months.

Just hanging out with that crazy old asshole while he was shooting guns off his back porch. Hunter S. Thompson was gone. Well, Depp is incredible. I did a movie with Johnny Depp. Me, Johnny Depp, and Rob Morrow. You know Rob Morrow? He starred in Quiz Show. Yeah.

Did the show Northern Exposure. And we did this movie called Private Resort. It was one of Johnny Depp. This is a funny story. So it's me, Johnny Depp, and Rob Morrow. And even the producer said, the three of you guys are going to be major stars. You know? And then I met, you know, Jim Schubert.

Sure, yeah. Okay. So I was friends with Jimmy Schubert back then. And Jimmy Schubert thought he was going to be James Dean. Okay? And I would say, well, you're not going to be James Dean. But on top of that, you know, Johnny Depp. And he would laugh because he didn't know who Johnny Depp was yet.

You know, Johnny Depp was unknown. And he goes, what the fuck is Johnny Depp? I go, Johnny Depp is James Dean. Trust me. And then Jump Street happened, 21 Jump Street. And Schubert comes to me and goes, there really is a Johnny Depp. I thought that was a name you made up, like one of your names. I go, I'm telling you, this is the real deal.

And Johnny obviously has had an incredible acting career. And every time I see him, it's like, I did that movie with that guy who's done all these great. It's like an honor when you get to work with somebody that blew up like he did. Yeah, he's an all-time great actor. Yeah, he's amazing time yeah he's amazing but frank goes the right age to play the main part of that movie and he would be doing all your material so would you would you coach him you're gonna like yeah he would he that's a guy that moves in with you learns about your whole life you know from what you are off stage to what you are on stage

because he's got to play it all. That would be fascinating. What part of your life is it going to cover? When you explode? No, from childhood on. But not much about childhood because a lot of that movie would show what really went on with the controversy. How they pulled the

premiere of Ford Fairlane which was going to be at the LA Forum. I mean, a lot went down. The studio heads' lives were being threatened by the gay community. You know, Barry Diller, they were telling him they were going to blow up his house with a pipe bomb. You know, I mean, that was all, they were plastering up.

You know, I was with, Sandy Gallen was my manager. David Geffen put out the albums. And Barry Diller was the movie studio. So the, you know, the gay community were posting them on all the like telephone polls in Hollywood saying how they have to get rid of this guy. And, you know, and it wound up a mess. It wound up, you know, I got blackballed. I got banned. You know, I got banned from everything, I got blackballed. I got banned.

I got banned from everything, including my cousin Herschel's bar mitzvah at Leonard's in Long Island. When I was first starting out, I was dirty. And open mic guys, the open mic hosts would always tell you, oh, you got to clean it up. You got to clean it up. And they would say, what do you think, you're Dice Clay? Are you Dice Clay? No, you're not. So clean it up. But how did Dice Clay be dice clay i mean doesn't that's right can you just if it's funny isn't that enough well you know what the first time i did vegas with the dunes

when mitzi had the dunes there i got fired the second night because what she would do she would rehearse the comics act you had to rehearse for her and do the jokes exactly the way you rehearsed it. Oh, just her in the crowd? Yeah. Just her. So now the show happens and now it's a live crowd. So, of course, I just go into, you know, all my gay material and, you know, I'm doing what I have to do to kill the crowd because I'm closing the show. Right.

So after the show, she goes, I told you to stick to the act you rehearsed. I go, I'm not a puppet. Did we say that word today? Anyway, I'm fucking around. I go, I'm not a puppet. And I go, Mitzi, you know about talent. You know how to pick talent. But you don't know the feeling on stage

when you've got an audience. You have to go the way the audience is going. So the second night, after my set, I actually come over to her, because I know I'm going to get fired, and I go, look, don't feel bad about sending me home, and she goes, I don't. And it was funny, because I sat in that showroom after, and I go, you know what, they're just not ready for you yet. And it was funny, outside, right across the street was Bally's and the marquee read, Tom Jones is here. That's how he would have it on the marquee. And I go, well, that's where I'm going to be.

And two years later, there's my name up at Bally's. So I just knew they weren't ready for me yet. But I stuck to my guns. I did my material the way I thought I should. And I always have. And I still do. It's one of those things that if you compromised and just tried to make everybody happy from the beginning, you would have never found that audience.

I'd be back in a clothing store going, what are you, a 42 regular? That's what I'd be doing. It's amazing how you just sort of calculated it all out, though. I'm doing it again, though. I know the day after New Year's, and this is not... You have the career you have, which is, to me, an incredible career. Between Fear Factor and what you did, how you took it back to the martial arts and doing your comedy that way, you get my respect.

If you didn't, I wouldn't even be here today. Thank you very much, man. No, I think you're great. I was watching you when you first came to the store. That's why I would even take the time to give you some advice. I really appreciate it. For me, that was huge. It meant a lot to me.

Well, you know what? When I met Dane Cook and he was doing The Bigger Places, you know, I actually met him the day his father passed away. And I met him in Beverly Hills. And he was telling me how I influenced him. And I felt good that I'd been sticking up for the guy. Because I never knew who the guy was until he took off. And you know, just like all these scumbag comics, that's why I hate these guys. They all stab you. You know how they are. And they're all in the back of the comedy store. They're not even that night you know they're making nothing going oh he's a fucking thief he's this he's that he took my bit i go well why didn't you go over and smack him in the face five years ago

for taking your bit but now that the guy's doing great he's not funny he's no good in the meantime he's drawing 10 15 000 people 15,000 people a night. And you're not making $20 tonight. He hit some rarefied air, that's for sure. So, yeah, I would always back when Eminem took off, how people would come down on him. And I became friends with him over that. Actually, Eminem was going to do seven albums with me.

He gave me a deal for seven CDs that he was going to produce. And at that time, I had no heat on me. And he was with, I think, EMI. And they said, we're not giving him the deal because there's no heat right now. But that's how I became friendly with Eminem. And it was all of a sudden, Max had the story with Eminem. What year would you say there was no heat? I had nothing going on from around 2000 on.

Really? Till when? Till recently. So was Entourage you think 100% for all this? What happened is obviously I went through divorce and it was, you know, my personal life's always been more important to me than, you know, a career life. So yeah, I would do the road and I would do my gigs, but I didn't have the management. I didn't have the publicist out there. All I really cared about was, Matt, when I left, my boys were seven and 11 years years old so it was more important for me to be around and raise them the right way

and they both live with me but I prepared through this whole past decade as bad as it was I would work on the new material and say at the right time I'm going to hit them again because if you walk around telling people you're the undisputed comedy king, well, if you do another special, you better prove that. And that's the bottom line. So you like challenging yourself like that.

Completely. You make yourself rise to the occasion. Max could tell you how I train for this thing, what goes on in the gym. Louis C.K. does that too louis told me that he trains for a special like a fight like he gears up like he gets in shape no you explain my dad really he trains like a bodybuilder you know it's not even like um i gotta lose five pounds it's like no i gotta put on 10 pounds of muscle and drop 20 pounds of whatever but uh yeah we're always in the gym always training yeah. Yeah, the guy that actually

trained Stallone for Rocky, when I was getting ready to do Ford Fairlane, I became friends with Stallone. And he introduced me to his trainer. The guy's name is George Piper sick. And the guy was from Czechoslovakia. And he was he was Mr. Czechoslovakia four years in a row. And then when steroids came into the business, he quit and moved to America. And he built, he didn't just open a private gym. He was also a machinist and built every machine in that gym. And this guy really taught me how to change my body when I have to change it, how to amplify any muscle, you know. So with this special, you know, I am, I'm 54 years old. And when I walk out there,

it's almost like when I see certain guys in the crowd that are my age or older, and I ask how old they are, and they go, you know, I'm 55 years old. And I'm looking at the guy like he's 75. So it's like I almost want to be hopeful to those people because even as you get older, one of the other things I would call myself is like the Rocky of comedy. Like I'll watch Rocky VI and go, that's where I am and that's who I am. You know, and, you know, his messages in those movies about taking your life and reaching your potential is what I always use. So, yeah, I could just throw on a leather and walk out there and have a belly sticking out. You know, but it's like, why do that when I'm more than capable of completely restructuring my body and giving the fans exactly what they want from me and it makes you feel like

you're gearing up for something yeah it does you know i go up the mountains i go to the gym and you know max had the funniest line uh there was this producer in the gym the other day that uh you know i'm gonna get on the treadmill and he got on one of these uh bouncing things you know and i go why don't you do the workout with me you know and he goes you know why am i going to work out with you and max is standing there but this other guy comes over that works in golds uh his name's travis and he goes because he knows what he's doing and this guy travis is what like 30 years old yeah and he's completely ripped he's like six two and he goes when I train with dice, I shake when I'm writing the next day.

He goes, that's how hard he trains and what he does to each muscle. So when Max gets me alone, he goes, you know, because in the gym, like, you could be in a tank top. You're in different clothing. And Max goes, why would this producer even question you you have worked out it's on you you know and you know it just cracked me up because you know people you know look to instead of building you up they always look to knock you down and I always use those negatives to propel myself. See, before I walk out on stage, I gave Chris Rock the same advice before he did,

bring the pain, and it's actually a funny story because I came into the comedy store, and Chris was on stage rehearsing his material, and he came to the back, and me and Chris, our bonding is we're both from Brooklyn, went to the same high school. I'm like 10 years older than him, but we always had that bond. So I said to Chris, I go, you know, what's going on with your life? He goes, well, you know, I'm getting ready to do this special for HBO. You know, how many are they going to give me? And I look at him and I go, let me ask you something. I go, we're friends, right? And he goes, yeah. I go, does it bother you at all that when you leave this club,

every comic looks at you like a fucking zero? And he's looking at me going, why would you say that? I go, because that's how they look at you. You're a fucking zero in their eyes. You've done nothing other than what Eddie Murphy did for you. How does that sound? That's what they think of you. goes why would you say that I go because you're standing talking about a special

like it's just another special I go when when a network like HBO or Showtime they give you a special they're giving it to you because that's what they think you are. And if you treat it with the attitude you just said it to me with, that's what's going to happen. Nothing. I go, when you are behind the stage and you're thinking you're going out there in two minutes, think of every comic watching going, he's a fucking zero. And you know what the other side of your brain

should be thinking about? The family that's been backing your ass all these years and they're praying for you. And you use both those things and start moving around on stage a little because you stand there like a fucking soldier. And as good as your material is, people are going to fall asleep watching you. And that's when he developed that crazy walk back and forth. So you coached him into that? I coached him with that.

Nothing about his material. He gave me a thank you on the special. That's awesome. And he scored and became a big star because he listened. No, he listened because what I do understand, Joe, is about performance. Because I studied rock stars. I studied the greatest of the greats.

If it was with the drums, it was Buddy Rich. You know what I mean? The greatest drummer to ever live. Buddy was doing shows when he was two years old. So I studied the greats. I didn't study comics because like I keep telling you, they bored me to fucking tears. You know what I mean? The only one

like Rodney Dangerfield or Don Rickles. When I watch Don Rickles, I'm on the floor banging my hands, laughing, because he's a fucking animal. He gets it. You know what I mean? Other guys come out there, well, you know, I started dating. I go, just fucking move.

You know, even with Max, when he's performing in Vegas, I go, just take a pace, grab that mic, and start pacing a little. And they will follow you, and they'll be with you. But if you just stand in one spot, they're going to get tired and start nodding off just to the sound of a voice. It's true. It's excellent advice. It is. Yeah. Unless you're Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz just stands there. Yeah, well, look at him, though. Man's a human mountain screaming at an audience. You're going to pay attention. I love Diaz. You know what's so funny about Diaz?

You know, my new wife, she's half Latin and half Italian, Jewish, whatever she is. But years ago, you know, Diaz was talking about girls. And, you know, he's talking about Latin girls. He goes, you don't want that Latin pussy. You never want Latin pussy. You know, and, you know, he's talking about Latin girls. He goes, you don't want that Latin pussy. You never want Latin pussy. You know, and, you know, I go, how come? You know, he goes, because you never get out. You know, you know, he goes, you never get out.

They're fucking crazy. It's the hottest shit on the fucking planet. Do you understand? You don't want to go near that. This is, you know, 20 years before I met my wife, but now I know what the fuck he's talking about. That's classic Joey Diaz. Oh, no.

He was on those backstair... You never get out, dog. You never get out. No, he was on the backstaircase talking about Cuban food and every other fucking food. Those fucking bitches will stab you while you're coming. Yeah. You know what? He's right.

Yeah. He is right. I was talking about a Latina girl that I was dating when I first listened to your cassette when i was 19 that bitch was off the charts nothing like it nothing like it you know i married my wife within a year's time wow she's yeah and we've been happy ever since you just said i'll take it other than when we're breaking the house apart you know because at the beginning you know you know it was always funny because, you know, if we got into a fight, I'm fucking leaving. Here go the bags are rolling out. I'm throwing them down the stairs.

Max is looking. And it got to a point where my sons would be like, you know what? We're not even going to pay attention to this anymore. How often were you breaking up? Well, at the beginning, a lot. You know, like every other day. No, there was a couple months stretch. But she's the only girl, you know, number one, my wife, you know, knows more about me than me.

And she's a lot younger than me. And she has studied it now. So she was a Dice fan? No, she wasn't a Dice fan. Her friend, when I met her, her friend knew everything about me. But she didn't even know who I was. So once we started going out, she started on the Internet and studying it. And she watches every show I do.

And she's the one that got me into the social media with the fucking Twitter shit. You know, years ago when people would go, Dice, do you tweet? I go, you know what? I eat pussy. That's as far as I take it. You know, but she got me into all that stuff. And, you know, she's good with the material I never listened to anybody about material you know in my whole life any woman I went with

any any friend but she actually knows she gets it and she'll give me like little things to say and it kills you know she really just gets what I do and really studies it. That's hilarious. So she's almost like she can be a writer too because she knows you so well. She's my number one fan. She's my groupie and she's the only one I want. Trust me. You know? That's hilarious.

You met her. You met her at the improv. Yeah, she's great. She's great. Valerie, I hope you're listening. So she's also on Twitter under Miss Dice Clay. Yeah, she loves being Mrs. Dice Clay. She loves it.

You know? Yeah, she does the merchandise at the shows. Oh, does she? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. And, like, I'll talk about my Latin wife. I go, yeah, you know, the day after we got married, a mother moves in, then the father, and then 90 cousins.

Here come 90 cousins. Half of them aren't cousins. And I'm going, all I know is half my fucking truck is missing. You know. But she's got the greatest family. I carry a picture of her mother. Which is a step. Where's my bag?

I got to show them this. I don't have a picture of my wife on me. So your Twitter is the real Dice Clay. The real Dice Clay Anything else is not Is that your fanny pack? Yeah I have one as well

There's my little fag bag I enjoy the fanny pack And I'm proud of you for sporting one as well For years I'll add you to the list Yeah, it's a great way Look at a nice picture I carry of her mother Take a look

Look how beautiful Oh wait, where's her mother? There's the mommy There's mamacita sen? There's the mommy. There's mamacita senor. There's me. Look how handsome. My wife will see that. She'll go, you took out the wrinkled picture?

Fort Fairline used to be... But I got to tell you this, too, because obviously you're friends with Eleanor. You know, Eleanor's like my extra wife. So she also opens the shows for me. So anytime there's a problem with me and Eleanor, Eleanor goes to my wife. And now I got to get it in the dressing room

from the two of them. Max has witnessed this. It's hysterical. They gang up on him? They do. Does he enjoy it a little bit? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, because, see, you you know they both have different talents like you know I told you about my neck right you know my wife's a little lazy about it cuz she's got like fingernails like longer than your foot you know and they're always like different things whatever she does but Eleanor she's South Philly so she gets in there with the elbows. You know what I mean? So be like, Eleanor, you got to work on me tonight. You know what I mean? And she'll like dig in for a good hour. Yeah, it's all different styles.

Is that from lifting your back? Yeah, I just always had a bad neck and back. Do you stretch a lot? No, I don't stretch enough. I know. You told me that. Yeah, it's also your hamstrings. A lot of times when people are experiencing pain and tightness in their back,

it really has a lot to do with your hamstrings. If you don't have a flexible back, you've got to think about all the different ways your back moves. No, I do stretch. I just don't stretch as long as I should. You've got to stretch a lot, especially as you get older. I saw that thing of you in one of the martial arts magazines, like doing the split. Yeah, I could do that. And that's when I decided

never have a problem with him. Never have a problem with him. He knows too much. Flexibility is one of the most important things as you get older especially. You got to really, it's something you have to do like brushing your teeth.

If you don't brush your teeth, you can go to bed and not brush your teeth for a few fucking months and nothing really will happen except you get bad breath. but you got to think about stretching like that it's like it's a it's an important piece of body maintenance especially as you get older and even as you're younger especially if you're younger and you're lifting weights there's a lot

of people that fuck their body up because they lift weights and they don't stretch out you got to make sure you get a full range of motion do you still talking about that do you actually still fight i still do jujitsu i do juj still fight? I still do jiu-jitsu. I do jiu-jitsu sparring. I don't do any kickboxing anymore because I hit the bag and I work with trainers and hit the pads and stuff. But sparring is not good for your brain. Yeah, because you're an interesting guy. I mean, you went, I mean, to learn, what degree are you?

Well, I stopped taking taekwondo, which was the martial arts that I first got my black belt in when I was a second degree. And I stopped because I started getting into kickboxing. I started getting into Muay Thai. So I mixed all this other stuff in with the Taekwondo and sort of changed my whole style of kicking. So that was the last time I was ever ranked was a second degree.

So let me ask you, because you also do like an aggressive show, you know, as a comic. Do you get, because people know that about you, do you get fucked with like that? No. The people that come to the shows are so fucking friendly. I have no problems. Everyone's so nice, man. We have a friendly podcast.

It's a fun podcast, you know. And I do martial arts, and I've started doing martial arts for two reasons. One, because I was picked on when I was younger, and I didn't like it. And I didn't have an older brother, and my stepfather was hardly ever around. So I had a fight, and I didn't like it. I didn't like people fucking with me. So I learned how to fight. It was really that simple.

Then once I got really good at it, I did it because I think martial arts is the most dangerous, challenging, and character-building path for human development. And I think to really know about yourself, there's two character-building path for human development. I think to really know about yourself, there's two ways. You could go to war. You could find out about yourself shooting people overseas, fighting hand-to-hand combat in a fucking ditch and stab a guy with a knife. You could find out a lot about yourself in that situation. Or you could travel around the country and fight in martial arts tournaments.

You can do that. You can find out an incredible amount about your tolerance to pain. You're willing to push through adversity. That's what would get me nuts with you, though. That's what the joke was for me. Because I know with martial arts, it's all the mind and body. Yeah. So when I would see you, like, lose it, I'd be like, isn't this guy supposed to be, like, zen?

You know when I'm bad at it i'm bad at it for two two times one from drinking and someone's just talking shit and they're being aggressive i get yeah but that's what they teach you to just be you know oh i'm way better at it now way better at it now but the the real problem i would always have two problems and the biggest one was when i saw someone bullying someone that shit would drive me fucking crazy. It drives me crazy. When I see someone bully someone... You know what? That's how I am, too. I was never like...

I fucking hate it. You know, it was never about, like, being a bully. It was just being able to protect myself. And I would also hate when I saw people get fucked with. Yeah. Like that. I understand where you're coming from. Well, that was the hot point.

The one story that you were talking about where I was screaming at this guy in front of the club. He was threatening that he was going to kill one of the guys that worked there. They were kicking him out of the club because he was drunk and he was saying he was going to kick my ass. I didn't think anything of it.

But then I got off stage and my friend's worried and he's in the front of the club. He's like, that fucking guy is still out here, man. He's saying he's going to kill me. He's saying he just got back from Iraq.q and i just i just i just couldn't no you lost i saw red and i was like i'm gonna beat this yeah i i saw you weren't going to hit him or anything but i just found i was trying to get him to hit me but but no i know that that's

all i was trying to get that i just wanted to swim oh i was there for that i was there for them and see if i well that was totally different that was i didn't want to hurt that guy. No, I know that, but it was so beautiful because you were like, if the mic was his nose, you were right here. It was so enjoyable. Well, you know, and everybody knew that Mencia was a different case. He's a guy who unfortunately has

some sort of a psychological issue. I don't know what it was, but we had this guy that was around the comedy community that wasn't like everybody else. And he would literally go right on before you and do your best bit. Say if you had a bit about fucking hitting your computer with a hammer,

he would open with his version of your hitting the computer with a hammer bit. I mean, it was just, he was aggressive in it. It wasn't just that he was trying to do good for himself. He was also trying to shut you down. He was trying to step on your material. It was a real, real fucking big problem.

But even still then, I never tried to hit that guy. No, I know that. I was there that night with the argument. What was so crazy is, Max, that night, it was like they advertised him that he's going to be performing there. So it's so embarrassing. That's the YouTube. Yeah, he comes up. But I was there when it happened. impressive that's uh that's the youtube yeah he comes up but i was there when it

happened you know what i mean it was well every you know there's so many comics in the room that were backing me up i felt like i was representing them as much as you are representing myself you are it was it was we were so sick and tired of it by that time you know and if it wasn't for uh you know brian catching it on video that that guy probably would have pulled that off for another couple of years and victimized a bunch of other guys. And it ain't good for him either, man. He's a talented performer. He can do his own thing.

Well, you know what? I always tell Max, I go, if you're truthful up there and write your own material, you got a career. You don't want to depend on other people to write your material. So just use your mind. And when you're on stage, just let it go. You know, that's all you got to do.

And he's getting better and better at it. And, you know, the special, he's going to do something else. But, you know, did you talk to Joe about your drums and all that stuff? I brought up the drums on the last podcast. Yeah, you never saw him play? No, I've never seen him play. Yeah, we're going to have him do a podcast sometime, like maybe play some songs or something

No no but he'll be on the special He's gonna do a huge thing on the drums Cause he's like untouchable Dice if you had a podcast Dice's view on the world I would subscribe to it I guarantee you millions of people You'd probably have the number one podcast in the country

I would tell people immediately go get it I don't know if I get the discipline to do this It's fucking easy You smoke a cigarette you drink a cup of coffee in the country. I would tell people immediately, go get it. I don't know if I get the discipline to do this every day like you. It's fucking easy. No, you do it whenever you want to. You smoke a cigarette, you drink a cup of coffee, you just start talking shit

about Chris Brown. It's that simple. It's that simple. You press record. You can have an engineer come to your house. Yeah, Max always tells me what I should do.

You know what? I should start the podcast and then just have my dad on. Absolutely. How about you two guys do a podcast together? Brian will produce it and he'll put it out for you.

Yeah. Just come here once, twice a week. Easy peasy. Once a week, once every two weeks. Easy peasy. What do you do on the road, though? Well, on the road, I don't do anything. I just promote my gigs, though.

I don't do radio anymore. I only do radio when they're my friends' radio shows. How do people know when you're going to be on? On the podcast? Well, the podcast is at least two or three times a week we do it. We put it out on Twitter. We tell people in advance, you know, hey, Monday is going to be Chael Sonnen. Tuesday is going to be Michael Rupert.

That's the schedule for next week. And if they miss it, they can download it on iTunes. And one of the things I was thinking that you should do, because I know that Ford Fairlane doesn't have a DVD commentary. And it would be really funny if you just did a podcast watching Ford Fairlane so people at home could hit start at the same time and you're just talking about the movie. They asked me to do it. I wouldn't do the commentary for it. What if you did it though?

Why? Because this was a movie that could have gone through the roof and they pulled it in a week. And it was doing big numbers. And because of what happened with Fox, 20th Century Fox put it out, they played the movie for a week. I had to go see it on Hollywood Boulevard.

That's how I saw Ford failing. So it was doing really well, and they pulled it just to punish you? Yeah, at that time, you got to understand, this thing came out in 1990. So, you know, an opening weekend for that movie today would be like, you know, $45 million. You know, back then, it was like an $18 million opening weekend

because, you know, the price it cost to go into a movie theater. And it got this big hit, even though they didn't do the premiere, and then they pulled it in a week. And what happened with that movie is then they had it all around the world. So they made a ton of money with it. Then at that time there were no dvds it was just tapes it was just videotapes and the month that it came out for you know how years ago uh it was like two dollars to rent the tape but if you kept the tape it was

like a hundred dollars right the first month it came out they sold at the hundred dollar price four hundred thousand units wow wow so it was like by the time they called me years later to do commentary i was like you know what you pulled my movie out of the theaters why would i do commentary about it you know what i mean i didn't care anymore yeah no i can see from that point of view but from the fans point of view people would love it especially if you did it for yourself instead of doing it for them. We still talk about a sequel to it because it has the audience. It always had the audience. If you do a podcast, I guarantee you, how many people would watch that fucking thing

with you watching Ford Fairlane? You'll give me all your information. Would you be able to play, legally play Ford Fairlane and talk over it? You don't even have to. Because what you do is you watch it at home, and you just have it in the background playing. So you're watching the movie at home. So you get people to press play and watch the movie at the same time.

So they have his commentary on the laptop or something. Yeah, exactly. Absolutely. That's ultra-crafty. I'll tell you one thing. We've done it. We do it with the UFC drunk cast all the time. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, I had a blast doing that movie, I'll tell you that much. That was a fun movie to do. Hey, by the way,rian before i say anything there's a ufc coming up soon and we should do that yeah because i'm not doing it it's one of those fx shows let's do it oh the australia one no it's not australia um let me find out what the card is i think i think it's soon i think it's like tuesday let's do it i think it's next tuesday what you in high school that was my favorite movie ever and i had your poster above uh poster for the movie above my bed because I used to work at a movie theater. And one of my favorite shit was just the ridiculousness of it. Like when you fell off the building, you're like, my hair, my hair.

It's like this silly shit. I would quote you most of my life. You know what? They let me do my thing in the movie. It was a fun movie to do. I thought it was a great movie. But with everything surrounding it, it wasn't fun.

Yeah. You know, even like, you know, they had me go on a Saturday Night Live before the movie came out and, you know, everybody was walking off the show. You know, I don't even want to say the stupid girl's name. And, you know,

it just started, like, nothing I got to do was a pleasant experience. You know, so, you know, but that was then. You know, and the beauty of being around today and still doing what I do is that I survived all that stuff. You know, because a lot of people would have followed it. I don't follow for anything. I always just keep going. You know, and I always find the way back one way or another.

When we were talking about the period where you had nothing going on until Entourage put you back on again, did you try some stuff that didn't work? I did a reality show about seven years ago and with all these tapes,

these producers at Fox TV, they saw my tapes and they said this is a show you know so they sold it to VH1 and then when and the way I would film myself is that it could be cut together and they got picked up for seven shows and I said why don't you guys just take these tapes and cut it together? But they had a budget. They had, it was like, they got like 315 grand an episode. And I said, all you need is editors, you know, and I'll do some voiceover.

I go, you have the show. I have filmed my life. You know, I was filming, which you saw me do. Yeah, all the time. You know, and they go, no, we have ideas. And as they're shooting these ideas, even my kids were like, what are they doing? And they came over with this episode, a rough cut of what they called the image episode. And they put like a grill in my mouth and dressed me like a rapper. And I hated it.

I hated it. And I forgot if it was either Max or Dylan that looked at the producers and said, if you were doing a show with Axl Rose, wouldn't you just let him be Axl? Yeah. So why don't you just let Dice be Dice instead of making up all this bullshit? I just remembered you were in Foolish. Oh, that's right. That's right.

One of my favorite crazy Eddie Griffin movies. Eddie Griffin in full prime crazy form. That was about, he played a comic named Foolish Ways. You were like the club owner, right? Eddie Griffin, man. There was a kid who had some fucking talent. There was moments where that kid would be on stage just crushing. Like, I thought Eddie Griffin at one point in time was going to be one of the biggest acts, like, ever in the country.

I thought he was going to be fucking huge. You know, I sort of found Eddie. You found him? Well, what happened was I was at the comedy store one night, and he walks over to me, and he goes, I'm going to open for you one day. And, you know, we talked for two minutes. And then a couple weeks later, I was getting ready to go on tour, and I already had opening acts.

And Eddie was on stage and he had like, you know, 2% material, but what he had, he was exciting to watch. You know what I mean? So he came on stage and I said, you know, come over here. You know, I said, you know what? I saw you on stage tonight. And I said, you really do have that potential. You're going to be great. I said, so why don't you go pack your bags and we leave in the morning. It was the Dice Rules Tour, you know. And the next thing you know, we're in Philadelphia.

I was going to do, I think, two nights at the Spectrum. And, you know, I see Eddie doesn't have a coat, no socks, and there's snow on the ground. I go, where's all your stuff? He goes, I don't have a coat, no socks, and there's snow on the ground. I go, where's all your stuff? He goes, I don't have anything. So next thing you know, we're on a shopping spree, and he gives me the nickname Uncle Dice to this day, you know, because I just saw him in Vegas last week.

Wow. And, yeah, I bought him all these clothes, and he did a lot of that tour with me. Was he in the movie? He was in Dice Rules. Yeah, he was, right? He was seen Dice Rules. Yeah, he was, right? He played a scene in Dice Rules, and he was great. Oh, that's right.

He had to do this take where he's yelling at me in a gas station. I was doing, before I turned into Dice, I'm doing my own version of a nerd. But I was really doing my impersonation of Max, who was a baby at the time. And Eddie Griffin's screaming at me in a gas station. He rips off, like, the windshield wiper. He's going, motherfuckers like you are just taking it away from a black man. And I'm sitting there going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and he goes, say what, motherfucker?

And then he gets in the car and he's screaming at me. I mean, he was great. He was great. He was a deuce bigelow. Did you see him in Deuce Bigelow. He can act his fucking ass off. Eddie's got a lot of talent. A lot of crazy. A lot of talent.

But he'll admit to that. It's why he's fun to be around. He's a great guy. He's a great talent. At that time he'd come on stage twirling a baton with a big top hat, top hat, you know, making the crowd going, hey, motherfucker. Hey, motherfucker. Hey.

And then he didn't know what he was going to do once the music stopped. You know, but he had a couple bits and he would kill the crowd. He did great. He's a great performer. I remember his first special that he did. I think he did an HBO half hour. And he had shorts on. Yeah, that's what we do to Michael Jackson and Prince and guys like that.

Was it a half an hour? Is that what it was? I don't know if that was a half hour. You're talking about the one where he was wearing the big yellow shorts? Yes, yes, yes. That was good. That was fucking strong. Fucking strong.

You know? Yeah. And then I did try to train him for another special, like a one-hour HBO thing, and he didn't listen. You know what I mean? Because I said, first we train physically, then we train mentally. Oh, you wanted to work out with him? Yeah. So he went up the mountain.

He went up this mountain with me, and he goes, all right, after the mountain, we're going to go to the gym. And then halfway up the mountain he's like fuck this and then the next day when I'm calling him you know he's not even returning the call there he is right there he's a hell of a can they hear him can they he can make it

had the balls to do it yesterday and the news camera couldn't shut the shit off quick enough. You could see what the motherfucker was thinking. His brains hit the ground. I said, look at him. He was thinking about killing himself. You're dead

dumb motherfucker. You know what I'm saying? But only white people do silly shit like that. You know, they have problems and shit and they flip the fuck out. I like how you got

the cameraman in the background. Great job, director. You fuckhead. You're fired. What a stupid shot. That's the stupidest shot I've ever seen in a comedy special.

Talk about a shot that brings you away from the special. See a guy with a fucking headset on a camera behind him. That's so stupid. Did they have a shot

of the audience they could have used there? Or the camera panned away? Look how angry he was. Look what gets you angry. Look at what's making you mad today. Joe Banner. This is the first moment of you getting heated up. You want to hurt that

camera guy. I want to hurt him. I want to talk to the director. Did you see the New Avengers movie Joe Did you like the Hulk It was fucking amazing Yeah When the Hulk grabs That guy and smashes him

Into the ground Holy shit Tell me I didn't see the movie It doesn't matter I won't say anymore But it's fucking tremendous The Hulk is amazing Man they gotta do

A new Hulk movie And what's the guy's name That plays the Hulk What's the actor's name I don't know his name I still can't get To pay that motherfucker I still can't get past How friendly your audience is They got to do a new Hulk movie. And what's the guy's name that plays the Hulk? What's the actor's name? I don't know his name. I still can't get past how friendly your audiences are. Oh, they're the nicest audiences ever.

They're super friendly. And you're an animal up there. You go berserk. But I'm a nice guy still. I know you're a nice guy, but when you're doing your stage thing, I've seen it enough times to know. Because my audience is the most aggressive audience I've ever seen from anybody ever like mean i'm not even talking about comics i'm talking even rock shows yeah they're there they're there to go nuts you know they're there to go crazy that's why it's about

controlling the crowd half of it my dad's audience audience is the only audience that ever heckles me. I never get heckled anywhere. People are always cool. Whenever I open for my dad, I know I have to do a dirtier set. And he has to attack them. A more hardcore set. They're hardcore. Just out of respect,

the actor's name is Mark Ruffalo. That's the guy who plays the Hulk. Fucking tremendous actor. I would imagine You have pretty aggressive crowds Well it's an event Going to see a dice show Is not just

Going to see a regular comedy show Like the testosterone In the room Must be pretty intense It's insanity It's like he's leading An angry mob of people It's not even like

About laughter It's about Tell it's in the bowl Bitch Tell him Tell him I was playing this set for him Because like I said I'm going around the country Testing everything And I was playing this set for him because like I said I'm going around the

country testing everything and uh I was playing this set from I just did the Bergen Center in Jersey and so we sat down late at night to listen to the set for a few minutes and we shut it off and Max goes now I know why the government and everybody else had a problem with you. He goes, it sounds like this angry mob cheering you on. And it would be scary to government. Because of what he's saying and the way they're reacting to it. That's why government officials could be like, I don't know with this. And it's the dumbest shit I could think of. I mean, some of it that there is no thought that

goes into it um as far as you know certain bits like i don't do my homework as far i just want to do the bit in the funniest way i can i don't care if it's if it's got any kind of truth to it sometimes you know it's just got to be there are certain bits that that are truthful but certain bits I'm doing just to affect them and make them laugh their balls off that when I see a guy banging his fists on the stage and his heads laying on the stage that he can't laugh anymore I know I'm doing my job right you know that that's how I look at that. And I come off and I go, did you see them? You know, and as great as the crowds might be in Vegas, it's the road crowds that are really insane because Vegas, there's a lot of things that come into it from gambling to drinking to, you know, fighting with your wife over losing the money.

Yeah. You know, there's a lot of that. Yeah. There's a lot of that in Vegas, right? Vegas is tense. But when you come to a concert on the road, they're coming just for that. So I could really drive them. I want them to leave there going, I've never seen anything like that or witnessed that. And the crowd is half of it. You know, when I do this thing about, you know, that I've been doing for years

where I pick on a guy in the crowd and, you know, then I turn it around and go but look what we've been through huh now me and you are fucking friends right you're the fucking best I want to take my glass I want to toast you I go no I want everybody to raise their glasses to this guy and then Max goes you should make them get up so I'm in Vegas last time. So I go, forget about raising everybody. Get the fuck up. You know, get up for this man. Some just guy sitting there.

And I go, so I want to say to you right now, here's to you. And then everybody go suck in my dick. Oh, you know, it's just the most ridiculous stuff you know and it's just so enjoyable for me because i go they've gotten to leave their life for an hour right now because you know i might i might say you know i hate going up there some nights but once i'm out there i just that's my freedom to just go nuts. You know, I'll even tell the crowd, like, you know why I'm up here right now? Because sometimes I get into a fight with Eleanor on the stage.

I go, because she just went to tell my wife what happened here. And when I come off the stage, they're both going to let me fucking have it. So I'm just going to hang out here with you for a little more. You know what I mean? I used to sit in the back of the comedy store where that back porch is. You know, there's the steps where Joey Diaz always just smokes cigarettes. The steps are where the belly room is. And we could be back there

and Dice would be on stage. Your dad would be on stage. And all of a sudden we would just hear screaming. Just screaming. You fucking dummy. You dumb fucking dummy, dumb, and we would, uh-oh, mean dice is up, mean dice is up, and we would run in the back, dice mean in the back, and we would sit and watch you torture people.

You've had some of the funniest brutalizations of people I've ever, and there's not even, like there's a bunch of people dealing with hecklers that are on the internet. I don't think there's any of you. Are there any of you? Of those comedy store sets? I don't know. I don't even know. So last summer in Vegas,

obviously Max is single and he's out there looking for girls. Can we tell him a little story? Sure, yeah. Well, I'll start it. You can finish it. So this is... I just want to preface this by saying the story I told last time that Ellis said the thing.

This story blows that story away. Okay, that's how you're supposed to do it. You learned well from your father. It's so much better now. Drawing and then build up. Well, this is the thing. So there's this girl in the front and she's a 10, you know, and she's alone. A blonde girl, just, you know, 10 from head to toe, you know, with the big tits, a nice big fat ass, the right package.

So I'm talking to her, you know, about what she does. She's a dominatrix. The way she put it, she said she's in the fetish industry. Yeah, she goes, I'm in the fetish world, you know, she's a dominatrix. She's in the, the way she put it, she said she's in the fetish industry. Yeah, she goes, I'm in the fetish world, you know. And, you know, I go, how old are you? She's only 21 years old, you know. And, you know, so I go, 21. I go, you like young guys, you know.

She's going, yeah. So now I'm out of the show. Because now it's all about getting Max hooked up. I'm going, Max, I think I got one for you here. So the next thing you know, here comes Max with the girl after the show backstage to get the picture. I'm off the stage when he's talking to her. I don't know what she looks like.

All I know is he's going, I have a son. You should meet him. Well, I didn't say I have a son. I go, he was up here. He was up here a half hour ago, whatever. So I'm like, I got to meet this girl. But I don't know what she looks like. So I run out to hang out near the t-shirt rack and meet this girl when everyone comes out.

And so I see this. She's literally the last person out of the place. Because she was right in the front row. Yeah, she went to the bathroom or something. She's the last person.anor you know or she brings the girl out to me and I'm like hey what's up yeah you know I'm like you remember I was on he was talking about me so I'm like oh all right you know you want to get a drink or whatever you should write cards so uh first it was

first it was I want to get a picture So he comes back But what's funny is You know You got to tell Joe What you tell people That want to meet me You know Because he's always out there

After the show With my wife and Eleanor You know How you tell them Like he's not Like you're not great socially Yeah but how you Yeah like how you tell them

Well I always kind of Have to let people know Before Because I don't like I don't like meeting people No I don't I'm not I'm not good with No and the reason is because a lot of these guys will come backstage and they'll

try to put me like in a headlock you know and i get physical about it you know i'm not gonna lie to you and it's not about being tough or anything with your headlocks oh yeah that was this one guy this was a couple months ago i thought i was to break his arm when he did that because I just react. I don't like say, take your hands off me. I react to it. And a lot of these guys are a lot bigger than me. But when I'm in that frame of mind, you don't see it. It's like, don't fucking put your hands on me because I'll break your shoulder.

So he knows not to bring people back to me because I hate people. No people. 99% of people, we just tell them that he left. But they ask him, why can't I meet him? I just can't take you back there because he's just not great socially.

I try to let them know you're not going to get the experience that you want. It's awesome to watch the show, but if you meet him, you're probably going to, I don't know. You're not going to be too happy. One of my favorite things you did, I don't know if you want to talk about this, but one of my favorite things you did is you started taking less and less shirts with you when you would go to shows. Oh, yeah.

I heard about this. What do you mean? Well, your shirts. Oh, the ones we sell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, that was the auction. We would do auctions. Shirts. Oh, the ones we sell? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, that was... You would take less every time. We would do auctions.

Yeah. What I decided is, what do I got to bring 100 shirts when I could bring 10? You know, and just have... Mike Black was the opener back then and my kids were with me on the road. So Mike Black was the barker,

the auctioneer. You know, and we would, you know, sell the shirts. He would start like at $150, you know, and, you know, and we would sell the shirts. He would start at $150. That's awesome. We were selling shirts anywhere from $150 to $500 a shirt. Of course, with that, I would take a picture and sign the shirt, whatever. What was funny is my son Dylan at the time was 12,

and he's taking the money, you know, and making the change with Max, who was 15, you know. And, like, that was my crew. Mike Black and these two little kids wearing dye shirts. That's hilarious. So from the time you were, like, 11, you were watching him do stand-up? I wouldn't really.

Okay, well, the first time I ever really saw my dad do stand-up was in 2000 when I was 10 because my dad went back to Madison Square Garden. Whoa. This is an interesting... I got to tell you this story. I thought there's a lot of good stories. Is there an ending on this? No.

Whenever we want. All right. That's a problem in a lot of shows, right? You worry about running out of time. Well, I also want to keep it interesting for you. This is a great show. This is very interesting. So, you know, since my kids were born,

I always thought about, like, how do I explain what I do as their father? You know, and plus they can't really see it. You know, so from an early age like I groomed them into the business like understanding you know what I do and sort of how big it was but it's not that big of a deal to me because I'm daddy you know what I mean when they were kids so now Max was 10 and Dylan was 6 and at at that time, this was the year 2000, and I had nothing going on.

I didn't have any TV shows or specials. So I decided, I started doing, Opie and Anthony were on in the afternoons. And at that time, I was in a war with Howard Stern. We weren't talking. And they were the same network. So I didn't give a fuck. I would go on their show.

And they were pretty new at it. And the audience started building pretty rapidly between them and me. And I would call in three days a week. Or if I was in New York, I'd go in, and there was always drama. I had, like, this huge fucking thing happen with Jay Moore that he was calling.

He went to the pool? Yeah, but I don't want to go in. Is there a fucking single comment that hasn't had a problem with that dude? That's what I'm saying, Joe. It was a simple thing. What happened... Don't make me go into that,

but it was a simple thing that he could have said he was sorry. I haven't had a problem with him. But he wanted to be a tough guy over the air, and I was in L.A. Really? You know, and he goes, hey, Dice, I'm not afraid of you. What happened is he went, like, on Letterman and did, like, a very close thing of Pacino to mine.

So when we were on the air, I said, you know, Jay, I go, you did my Pacino thing on Letterman And he started in rather than go Well you know it was like No it wasn't Letterman it was Conan And I said well that's my thing You know what I mean it's my bit And

He got I forgot how it got out of control But then he got into Like the tug you know I'm from Jersey You know I'm not afraid of you I go okay You got a little bit of a Jay Moore impression but then he got into like the tug. You know, I'm from Jersey. You know, I'm not afraid of you. I go, okay. You're doing a little bit of Jay Moore impression. You got a little bit of a Jay Moore impression.

Do I when I do it? Yeah, you did. That was pretty good. It was a huge fight because... How did he say it? Like, what did he say to you? Well, now I'm thinking about it, but he goes, well, I'm not afraid of you. You know, I'm from Jersey.

And I go, look, Jay, you know, it's not about that. It's about being tough, and I'm really fucking tough, okay? I go, there aren't too many guys that scam me. Where are you from? No, but you got to understand, you know, I was put in the hospital a bunch of times when I was a kid. I've had my nose busted, my head split open, my face split open. You know, so I know what it is to lose.

Like, when you lost your first fight, you weren't afraid to fight again because you know what it is to lose like when you lost your first fight you weren't afraid to fight again because you know what it is to get hit you know what I mean so the last person on earth that's going to frighten me is a guy with a beige sweater and his sleeves rolled up Jay Moore it doesn't scare me at all but if you're going to tell me in front of millions of people you're not afraid of me well now you got a problem you're not going to be able to fucking handle. So I told him over the air, remember you're telling me this because now when you get back to L.A., you better come to find me at the comedy store because if I've got to come and look for you, it's going to be even fucking worse.

I'm warning you. So what happens is after I get off the air, Ralphie May calls me because he had my phone number. And he goes, you know, Jay was just fucking around. I go, you're not involved in this. I go, the guy opened his mouth. He didn't fucking apologize to me. I go, and now, you know, he's going to have a problem if he don't come look for me. I'll look for him. It's that simple. That his wife even called me. All of a sudden, I get a call from a detective. I thought it was a joke. It was at night. Is this Andrew Clay? This and that. And I go, yeah. He goes, well, I'm actually a fan of yours. I can't believe I'm calling you. But we had a complaint. And he went

to the police station with his wife at the time. And the cop was even telling me it felt more like a domestic dispute than anything else. And I said, we're having a radio fight. We were arguing on the Opie and Anthony show. And we wound up making up, whatever.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. He went to the fucking police and filed a domestic dispute. Yeah, that was between him and his wife. Well, what happened, he made a Jew reference to me, and that's when I snapped out on the radio. And even the New York Post wrote it. It was one of the only times I got protected. radio and even the New York Post wrote it. It was one of the only times I got protected. They wrote up

what he said that was very wrong. How hilarious is the fucking news? Jay Moore said a Jew joke. But you're getting me off what happened with the garden. But it's a beautiful story. But at that time, I was back to clubs. My agents knew that. So I decided that instead of telling my kids about my history, I want to show them one.

I want to do an arena that I knew they were young, but at least they would have that picture in their head, something in years to come. That's how I really looked at it, would click in their minds, that they didn't just picture in their head something in years to come that's how I really looked at it would click in their minds that they didn't just hear about their father they got to see it you know in that big of a place so I decided to do an album I put the album out the first day it's out my agent calls me up and he goes what do you think the move is? And I go, I say, you should book the garden. And he goes, book the garden?

He goes, last time you did Westbury, you did half a house. Now I'll explain to the people listening the difference. Westbury sold out is about 3,000 seats. So if I did half a house, it's 1,500 seats. So why would I be thinking I could be at Madison Square Garden now you know what I mean because I hadn't done arenas in a bunch of years so I go I'm telling you Dennis I've been doing this this

radio show you know in New York Opie and Anthony he goes so based off a radio show you're doing you think you're selling the garden he goes why don't we do the beacon theater? I go, I'll sell the beacon in 20 minutes, which the beacon's like 3,500 seats. He goes, well, if you sell it in 20 minutes, we could always move it to the garden, because there's no way. He didn't think any way possible, you know, that I'm going to sell the beacon in 20 minutes.

Bottom line, I'm telling you the story short. I sell the beacon out in 35 minutes. So my agent calls me up, and he goes, I don't get it, but obviously there's something you know and I don't. So Ron Delsner, who did my first arena with me, he's a very famous promoter. He works under the umbrella now of Live Nation. He said the same thing to my agent.

He goes, obviously Dice knows something we don't. So they put 10,000 seats on sale at the Garden. Okay, the first day we do 7,000 seats, which if I didn't have to do the Beacon, the Beacon was on the 20th of October, 2000, and the Garden was now going to be on the 26th, not even a week later. Holy shit.

So I sell 7,000 seats, and now the ticket sales slow down because the Subway series was announced, the Yankees and the Mets. So ticket sales slow down. But the bottom line of what happened is the day of the garden, I get a call. The reason I even stopped doing arenas, I would get claustrophobic from the whole thing being sold and people around me. So I couldn't take any more. So I get a call from my agent knowing if Delsner could open up the back, which was incredible because it was going to be the last night of the World Series, the Yankees playing the Mets. And we did 13,000 people at the garden that night. Max was allowed to watch as much of the show as he...

He knew when I would start getting too filthy, leave that part of the arena, and then come back in when it's not that bad. You know what I mean? You know, because it's not like... And you were 11, Max? I was like 10. He was 10 years old.

What was the feeling that you had when you watched your dad go up there in front of 13,000 screaming what was that like when you realized the kind i mean what was the realization well i guess uh the way i thought about it at that time i just thought it was really cool you know i was just 10 years old and the language didn't really phase me because even at that age i knew it was just a joke because my dad was never like that with me when he was off stage I just knew all right when my dad goes on stage he's like that when he comes off he's somewhat normal you know yeah so I'm just

as I just saw it as a 10 year old kid just thinking whoa that's just so cool that my dad is doing that and that there's all these people here. You know, I wasn't thinking in terms of, well, what this means to stand up and what my dad has done. And I didn't have that mindset at the time. I just thought it was awesome. Yeah. And my whole thing was, like I told you, I always teach my kids by example. I wanted to show them that with hard work and with belief and with that drive that's built into you that you could accomplish anything you want to accomplish. That's always been what, you know, when I do certain things and people talk to me like

you made all these millions and then you lost it and went through divorce and you gambled and you bought shit, I go, it's never been about money to me. I go, I could always make, yeah, I'm making money again now. But the point is that, you know, it's what you do with your life, what you could accomplish with your life. And I didn't really know starting out what it would become when I made it. You know, you're never prepared for what fame brings. But I knew, like even when I saw Rocky I

with my father in Brooklyn, when I left that theater, I told my father, I was 16 years old, I said, I'm going to do that with my life. And my father goes, what, you're going to become a boxer? You know, and I go, no, I'm going to, I have that thing in me where I could really accomplish with my own life.

I'm just not sure how I'm going to go about it yet. And that's what it's always been to, for me, it's always been like, reach your highest potential in what you do. Give the very best and show people what you got to offer them. And I always think of myself, and I know my history, you know, and I know, you know, that, I mean, I don't know who the guy will come around that, you know, I did the Rose Bowl with Guns and Roses, you know, I did things like that, you know, it takes a certain person in my mind that God puts here at a certain time to do these different things, and I always felt like I was born when I was born to do exactly what I'm doing now.

And that's how it is for me. I believe if you believe something like that, if you truly believe something like that, it's incredibly empowering and it becomes real. It can become real. When I used to come off at the comedy store at 2 in the morning when there's four people and the asshole comic, whoever it would be

went, oh, it didn't go too good. I'd look at that guy and go I'm the biggest in the world they just don't know it yet and this is when I was a struggling comic and that's what comics can handle with me it was the the real part of who I am forget about on stage the jokes everything was this unbelievable confidence that I was given, you know, and it's always been inside me, like just a complete belief in I could conquer whatever I have to conquer. That's completely different than most comedians. Yeah. Most comics. If you think of comics years ago.

Yeah. I mean, you know, I'm no fag or anything, but you're a nice looking guy. I'm a nice looking guy. My son's a nice. What I'm saying is comics years ago. Think of what Buddy Hackett looked like. That guy didn't walk around, look in the mirror and go, I could bang anything I want. Yeah.

You know what I mean? The comics were goofy looking fucking guys. I think it comes to the point where you can't really define comedy. It's either comedy or it's not comedy. And there's a fucking billion different examples. There's Mitch Hedberg. There's you. There's a million different versions.

And that's why I never understood why comics had no camaraderie between them because everybody's just an individual. You know, everybody, you know, there are guys that do prop comedy. That's why I hate when guys pick on Carrot Top because I go, guy could own fucking Las Vegas, okay?

He's cooking. And he always seems like a nice guy. He's one of the nicest guys you'd ever meet. Yeah, Carrot Top seems real friendly. I don't know what the fuck he's doing. I did this fucking roast for Kiss, for Gene Simmons, and I'm downstairs waiting to go on. Gene Simmons didn't even know I was going to do the roast. I came from the front doors,

and they're all picking on fucking Carrot Top, and I came up to annihilate these fucking guys for doing that you know and when I got to Carrot Top he thought I was going to destroy him you know and I said and you're all sitting here and you're picking on fucking Carrot Top and he gave me like 20 calls after this because I was like it was it was it was the bully effect they were bullying this guy and I was like I could shred anyone. This fucking guy that hosts the show, this ugly motherfucker. Who was that?

Ross. Jeff Ross? Yeah, Jeff Ross. This fucking little piece of cum that came from his dad's dick. Whoa. Well, no. The guy introduced him. Remember from the 80s, Andrew Dice Clay.

In the meantime. That's what he said? That's how he introduced you? No respect. Well, that's the guy introduced, remember from the 80s, Andrew Dice Clay. In the meantime. That's what he said? That's how he introduced you? No respect. Well, that's what I'm saying. It's like, to this day, who the fuck even knows him? You know, he's just this little fucking roly-poly cocksucker, you know, that couldn't fucking lick the fucking dirt from under my toenails. You know what I mean?

There's a visual. Yeah, well, that's what he is, in my mind. Well, you know Jeff's thing. He's the roast master. He's an asshole human being. There's nothing better than that Brooklyn version of asshole. He's an asshole. It's an asshole.

He's got a face that resembles a fucking asshole. You understand? I'm not calling him an asshole. I'm saying he's got an asshole face. Oh, I see what you're saying. So what I'm saying is he's got a face that on a lot of levels resembles a fucking asshole. He's always been a nice guy to me. Well, fuck him where he breathes.

Anybody looking to knock me down, they're getting knocked down. Fuck him where he breathes. It's unnecessary. And first of all, you got to, I mean. Nice guy, I're getting knocked down. Well, fuck them where he breathes. It's unnecessary. And, and first of all, you gotta, I mean, nice guy,

I guess. Yeah. I got nothing against him. He's just, you want to open your mouth, you know, about me. You've got an enemy for life and one you don't want.

Why are you enemies with Opie right now? Are you still in? No, we're all good. Yeah. I thought that was, no, what I got mad at them from was when Max was a kid and I was,

and I was going to do the garden. You know, Max was in the studio and they had a problem with this talk show guy, Man Cow, out of Chicago. And they were pressing the issue and I didn't even know what happened. And I was like looking at Opie like, end this. You know what I mean? My kid's here. Right. You know, and he didn't end it.

And, you know, and we became enemies for a little while, but we made up. That's here. And he didn't end it. And we became enemies for a little while, but we made up. They're good guys. We have a good time. Max, you were coming out. She was the last one out of the audience. The dominatrix chicks that we were talking about. Yeah, what happened with that story? Why talk about anything other than fucking

box? How did we even get... That's a weird term. Thank God Brian was here to bring this back around. So what happened? Okay, so. After the show, rather. Okay, so I meet her at the t-shirt stand. Bring her backstage. Yeah, bring her backstage. And this is the kid

that tells, the young man, I should say, that tells everybody, it's impossible. He's not good with people. But the minute there's a girl, here comes Max Which I loved And my dad was really cool with her Super friendly

Because he knew what I was going for So he knew to be cool So they take the picture We get out of there Go downstairs And then here comes my wife The Latina wife with Eleanor And I'm going Is this my wife Valerie? We, the Latino wife with Eleanor. Right. And I'm going, oh, this is my wife

Valerie, you know. We don't want anyone getting jealous. Yeah, we don't want anybody getting the wrong idea like she's back there for me. Right. Okay, I'm not going to give every detail. No, you don't have to. So we go downstairs, have a couple of drinks. We ended up having some more drinks than I really thought we were going to have.

We had like four a piece or whatever. And, um, I'm not even sure how to tell it. Basically, the next day when I get back. It was the greatest night of my life. That's the only way to say it. It was single handedly the greatest night of my life. Any peacock feathers?

Any dominatrix stuff involved? Because it's what she does. She was just so relaxed and open about anything sexually that it just made me completely relaxed and feel completely at ease because it's what she does. It's her job. Yeah, when she came backstage, I had to question her a little because, you know, I still got to look out for her. Right. You know, I still have a lot more.

Of course. Yeah, you know, so I'm like asking her like what she does. You sent me the text message. She was telling me about different things, like I do smoking fetish. I go, what's a smoking? She goes, guys will just come and I'll just smoke cigarettes around them and act tough. Crazy shit. Did you wind up dating this girl at all?

When I went down to the bar, I got a text from my dad in all capitals because my dad likes to text in all capitals. So it always sounds like he got a problem with my left eye so I don't see the phone as good and uh it was like stay in the hotel don't give her any money and have fun oh that's awesome so yeah yeah look at uh Joe Joe Joe changes the screen size, actually, so it's like. Yeah, I nearly texted Joe. Joe, I nearly texted to you yesterday that I text in capital letters because of my eye. Oh, you do all caps also? No, no, no.

That's his. But look, I made the text larger so I could see it better. Yeah, it's in the options. Yeah, it always sounds like he's yelling through the text message. Oh, I don't know how to do that. Do you have an iPhone? No, I don't believe in them. 2012.

You should look into one of those. They exist, I swear. They're awesome. What do you believe in? You don't believe in iPhones? Not really. But it's real. I have two of them.

I just don't believe in them. I think it's too much. They're like leprechauns. What is it about that you don't believe in them? Too much connection and shit. How much do I need to do with it? You know what I mean? Right.

I don't know. For me, I'm a technological junkie. I connection and shit. How much do I need to do with it? You know what I mean? Right. I don't know. For me, I'm a technological junkie. I love new shit. Well, my wife has the iPhone we use for the Twitter and everything. Oh, okay. You know, I use Commando. Do you tell her what to do and she does it for you? What do you use?

I use my phone. Commando. I love the fanny pack. That's actually a very nice one. Where'd you get that? Roots. Roots. Roots has the best ones.

Oh, look at this. I'm making a note right now. Roots. Roots. Roots has the best ones. Oh, look at this. I'm making a note right now. Roots fanny pack. I just love fellow fanny pack users. This is Commando. Just to sum up the rest of the story real quick. Oh, that's that one that you could fall on the ground. Isn't that like a super durable one?

300 feet underwater. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right. Well, that's smart. Like if you're having a fight with somebody, and they chase you from the beach, you go underwater and you call the cops. Yeah, it's like, why does it need to go underwater?

What am I doing underwater? I got to text somebody while I'm swimming? Can you really fucking call someone underwater? That's amazing. It's a crazy phone. I love it, though. Yeah, there's a bunch of those they're making now. It's like a nickname at Commando. Military style. Yeah, that's what this is. Yeah, phone. I love it, though. Yeah, there's a bunch of those they're making now. So I nickname it Command, though.

Military style. Yeah, that's what this is. Yeah. Yeah, they make those tough books, too. Panasonic makes those. Well, my brother-in-law is a Navy SEAL. Oh, really? Yeah.

Okay. He's the real deal. So does he have that kind of computer, everything he could just fucking throw into the ocean? He don't even have Command, though. Whoa, he doesn't even have that? He doesn't even have that. Does he have an iPhone? I love when people show you their phone and go,

you can't even get this. And I go, well, how the fuck did you get it? From NASA? Who the fuck do you know? What you can get today. That's what people do with their electronics. So you can't get, well, who the fuck you got to know to get this? Yeah, exactly.

Assholes. I'm telling you, I do a whole thing on that now. I can't take with the technology. Like, you know, when you go to parties, it's all they talk about. You know, instead of what a party should be, fucking the ugly girl on everybody's jackets. You know what I mean? That's a party.

Remember that? You move your jacket out of the pile and go, yeah, come in here. This is a nice dark room. Come here, chubby. Just come in your pockets. First thing I would do when I'd go to a party years ago

when I was like 17, 18, you spot the ugly girl in the corner going, all right, if that don't work out, she'll still be there. Yeah. Nothing like a fat girl.

I tell it to Max all the time. What else happened? Did anything else happen to the Dominatrix? The best way to say, you know what you can't explain? What happened with the condoms?

Oh, this is a really cool story. I hope so anyways. Because when I think about it, it's cool but let's see how it comes out. How old are you, Max? I'm 21. So I didn't have any condoms on me. And I figured she would because of what she does.

So everything's just about to go down. And this is after we go to the hotel room. I play her my rock band's music, which there's really nothing better to do with a girl than play her your own band on like an iPod or whatever. So she's really into the music. Everything's about to go down. And we don't have any condoms. So she starts going, you know, I feel everything happens for a reason. Maybe we're not supposed to get together.

And I go into a panic because I'm like, there's no way. We're in the bed. It has to go down. There's no way this is not happening. She goes to the bathroom. I pick up the phone, call the operator. I'm like, can we get some condoms up to room 5245, please? Wow, they delivered condoms?

They send up like this classic Bellman, like 50-something years old, full head of solid gray, gives me the condoms. I give them the money. I didn't know they would do that. See, I would be the guy running out in the lobby trying to get a taxi. I didn't know he knew if he left, the game is over. That's a strong move, Max. That is a strong move. I had read it once in an article that said

Michael Jordan did that once. He called down and had condoms brought up. Once a week. For whatever reason, that came into my mind. I'm like, just call down and ask for them. The dude really hooked it up. That's awesome. This girl, she showed me the sexual light. She still hasn't

texted me back so uh really i'm looking just hit it and quit it huh you know it's you want to know that's another thing with guys today like um i was talking to this um this this producer this guy one of the guys that was on uh his name is rob weiss he's a really funny guy and um he was telling me like a story of a girl he was with. And you know how they did everything. And then the next day, how you would call, how you doing, let's get together again. And the girl blew him off in a minute going, I'll call you right back. And he goes, now I'm sitting there like the fucking girls used to do, waiting for the call back that never comes.

You know what I mean? It's the funniest thing. This generation of women, they could go out, bang a guy all night, and then just forget about it the next day. They say that when the birth control pill came along, the whole fucking world changed. And now when the internet came along, it changed again. It changed one more time.

It's insanity. It's like a strange thing that I can't figure out. Like if you really hit it off with someone why not stay in touch or whatever but I can't figure out

her mind. How quick did you come? Be honest. I'm not going to give you the exact amount of time but it was so much fun. Lightning fast. You know what?

You are talking a lot about his music. They could play one of your songs if they go to that site. You could play him one of the songs up there. You should. Will you want us to? I will. Hell yeah.

Absolutely. Tell them what to go to. Okay. What's your favorite? What's your favorite? I said it was on MySpace last time. No, it doesn't matter. MySpace is still legit.

No, but the point, and they're revamping MySpace anyway. It's making a comeback. Yeah, MySpace is making a comeback. If you go to myspace.com slash official LA Rocks, that's where we can find the music. Official LA Rocks. Because there was an LA Rocks. But don't play the song until I set this up for you.

You've got to understand, when these songs were recorded, and Max, I don't even know if he was 17 yet. He's on the drums. And Dylan was how old? 13, 14? Dylan was like 13. He was 13 years old. Dylan wrote the music, plays the lead guitar, does the bass,

the lead vocal, the words. So people listening to this got to realize this is a 13-year-old kid on lead vocal and guitar. Jesus Christ. He was only playing guitar about a year and a half. Wow. Okay? And, you know, it just happened as a fluke

because I was going to use... Which song are we going to play? Rotten Core or Junkyard? Junkyard. Junkyard. All right. Don't play... When we went into the studio,

they were just going to lay the music down for my album that I still never put out. And Dylan asked, can I sing it? This is the night before. And I go, well, yeah, sure, you could sing it. I didn't know you could sing. You know, I go, but you know, I would never put anything on an album that would embarrass you. So if it doesn't sound right, we'll just use the music so they go in they lay the track the music track down in one take then Dylan did the bass line in one take and then the engineer goes you know if you want because he's a little kid he goes you could come back tomorrow and do the vocal and he goes rock and roll happens at night okay so now now with that being said this, this is a couple years ago. So do the one that's Junkyard.

So 13 and how old at this time? Dylan's 13. I'm 17. 13 and 17. Looking at your pastime Rusted and decayed Biking from the guide down Makes you go insane For 13 and 17, this is fucking unbelievable.

If you picked up a scrap Would it make you choke? Down in the junkyard Unbelievable You could never escape This is your final day Oh yeah Are you guys Alice in Chains fans? Oh yeah. Yeah. That sounds... That's fucking good, dude.

Yeah, that's really great. That's really, really... Let him hear it. Okay. Soaking in the garden Breathing in the smoke It gets better, even. joke If you picked up a scrap, would it make you choke?

Down in the junkyard where the dead think lay Down in the junkyard where the dead think stay Here at the playground you could never escape

This is your final day Great drumming, Max. Yeah, you know what else I like? It's not some boy band bullshit. No, this is adult rock. Yeah. They wanted to be like a two-band Guns N' Roses. Well, you got talented kids, man. That's got to feel great.

How many songs you got up there? I think there's only like three or four on the actual MySpace. What's on there? Where are they going to if people at home want to listen to this? If you go to MySpace.com slash Official LA Rocks. Official LA Rocks. What other songs are up there? What are you dedicating your time to more, stand-up or that?

Well, I've really been doing the stand-up mostly because the band actually broke up for a couple of years. You and your brother broke up? Well, what happened, real short, when these record companies came at them, Dylan got a little overwhelmed, and I couldn't blame him. 13. I was overwhelmed, yeah.

I would actually tell him, I go, look, I'm not Joe Jackson. I'm not going to force you into stardom. You know what I mean? Good for you. But now he's like back into it and they're actually going to open my special for me. That's fucking awesome. That's got to be so cool, man, to have your kids doing something like that.

The reality is, regular life sucks. Having a regular job, being some fucking dude, working in an office. When you see your dad living the way he lives and doing what he wants to do and being free, there's really not that many other paths for you. You grew up with it. You see it. It's the greatest way to make a living in the history of the fucking universe.

Creating your own shit, putting it out there. People love it. They come to see you. They give you money, and you fucking have a great time. And you live this life like the big, fat, stupid party that it they come to see you they give you money and you fucking have a great time and you live this life like the big fat stupid party that it's supposed to be well you know that sounds good you know you can do it you can do it you're doing it you're doing it you know he he already realizes what assholes people could be so he goes i can't wait to become famous so i could just get a house and put a big wall between me and the rest of the world.

You know, like when he'll come home, like from the comedy store at night, you know, because of everything he sees out there, you know, it's just the funniest way and how he puts it to me. It's weird watching kids like Max being raised. He's had the internet his whole life too. You know, they're different kids 21-year-old, you are much more mature, advanced, aware than I was when I was 21. When I was 21, I was a fucking idiot. When I first started doing stand-up, I didn't know what the fuck was going on in the world. I didn't care. One of the reasons why I like dirty jokes, because that's the only shit that I thought was actually funny.

That's all I cared about. I was 21 years old. What did I care about? I cared about fucking. That's what I cared about. I was 21 years old. What did I care about? I cared about fucking. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to get drunk and have fun. And fuck, it is a dirty world. That's why I initially started off trying to be a really clean comic.

And it just has not really gone that way. Because it's really hard to just be clean now. I admire Jerry Seinfeld as a crafts craftsman i admire him as a man who crafts jokes if you go and you listen yeah he's phenomenal yeah he's a craftsman i mean he knows how to his pacing his delivery is right i tell you it's the best uh clean comic there is my dad always uses a seinfeld gaffigan is another great example gaffigan is a goddamn craftsman and he likes doing that kind of comedy you hang out out and talk to the guy. That's how he talks. But to me, you know,

what's always been the funniest to me is people just get fucking crazy. I don't want to go see... I love comedy, period. I mean, I'll go to see a clean comic if he's really funny. I would love to go see Gaffigan or something like that. But if I had my choice, I want to see something crazy. What people are living, we're in a dirty

world. We live in reality. With a lot of dirty things going on. So if you're on stage as a comic, you know, our whole job is commentary on the world. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And you need to address every unturned rock. And it's like to be a new comic in the year 2012.

You know, Seinfeld even came up in the early 80s. You know, it seemed like it might have been a little easier to be cleaner at that time. Yeah, that clean shit's done, son. The internet came along. Once Goatsy was around, once you saw people pulling apart their asshole with a wedding ring in your hand. You ever see that picture? Of course you have. How about Tub Girl?

You ever see Tub Girl? Oh, yeah. The girl with her asshole up in the air. A fountain spray of diarrhea is splattering on her face. She has a cheesecloth over her face. I can't look at that. It's incredible. This is a new world. I'll make fun of it. Haveattering on her face. She has a cheesecloth over her face. I can't look at those things. It's incredible. I'll make fun of it.

Have you seen Mr. Hands? No. I haven't seen a lot. I've heard of a lot of these things, but I haven't seen it. Mr. Hands is a guy that gets fucked to death by a horse. Interesting.

He was a guy, they changed a law in Washington State about this guy. They made a documentary about it called Zoo. Apparently, for the longest time, Washington State, it was legal to have sex with animals.

So people would fly to Washington State and move in and make farms together and have sex and make videos. Ridiculous shit. No, I did see that video. It's insane. None of this was around when your dad was around when he was young. None of this was around when I was your age. You were growing up in an area of exposure, a different world than anything that I saw when I was 21.

Legal to have sex with animals. It's not anymore. They changed it. It was just an old law that was on the books forever. And so they found this loophole. It's actually like a clinical psychological disorder. It's called zoophilia. So like in Washington, if you ask somebody, are you seeing anybody?

Yeah, I'm living with a ferret right now. They were into horses. They were into things fucking them. The guy had a perforated colon bled out. You know what? It's filthy as I get on stage, and I get filthy. That's the kind of stuff I can't even look at. Would you go on the internet and fuck around and go to message boards?

No, I don't. Nothing? I don't even look at. Do you, would you go on the internet and fuck around and like go to message boards and, No, I don't. I don't. Nothing? I don't. You know, and I,

and I even, you know, because I knew they grew up with the, you know, the computer generation that even when they were kids I would say like, look,

I know what's out there. You know, I could, the one good thing about having me as a father is you know you could talk to me about anything. You know,

you don't have to watch your language if you're talking about a girl or you know right right you know you could you could talk straight to me just tell me straight out how it is that's gotta be nice and i would always tell my kids do yourselves a favor stay away from from the porno on the internet i go you're gonna grow up you're gonna dating girls. You don't want your mind twisted and bent that badly. Too late for me. Too late. No, but it's the truth.

And Max was honest enough at that time. He had a friend that went to it a few times. I said, well, just stay away from it. But this is also when I was like 12. But that's what I'm saying. That's the age where you could see a thing like some chick blowing a horse and think, oh, that's what you're supposed to do. You know, kids don't get it.

You know what I mean? Early exposure. They don't know what's fucking sick in the head. Yeah, especially like early exposure to like really graphic sexual images like video and porn. That probably can't be good for a kid. It's probably not. No, it can't be good. It's impossible for it to be good.

That's hardcore type shit. You know who that guy is? No. He's one of the only guys in recent memory that has been arrested for obscenity. They took him to trial in Florida. His videos are so obscene that they took this guy to trial in one state because they knew they could get him if they went in Florida. Florida has very strict obscenity laws. That's how they got two live crew in Florida.

Remember that shit when they got arrested? Did you ever have an issue in Florida? Did you ever have an issue in Florida? Not in Florida. I had it in Cleveland, though. What happened there? Where my, the entire, and I'll never forget, you know, because management, they try to keep you out of it.

And I come into my dressing room and, well, there's a problem, you know, and I'm like, what's the, this is, you know, an arena in Cleveland's it this is a you know an arena in cleveland and all of a sudden the dressing room is flooded with cops you know telling me if anybody complains anybody you're going to jail what and i'm i was like what year are we living in i go i'll tell you what you tell me what words you don't want me to say. As long as I step on that stage, I get my check. I'll do five fucking minutes. I don't care. I go, but who would complain that's buying a Dice ticket?

Jesus Christ. And obviously, I didn't go to jail. What year was this? This was probably around 93. Holy shit. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I went through some stuff. That's incredible though

You know with 93 they were still doing that In Canada You know where they would Really detain you on the bus And really go through everything And I'm going look We're not druggies on this bus

We're just doing comedy shows It's not what I do They can be rough They can be rough When you cross the border to Montreal But I've been They made us take a walk in the snow Really

That I had to take a nap afterwards It was so hard And it was like 4 in they made me take a walk in the snow that i had to take a nap afterwards it was so hard and it was like four in the morning it made you walk in the snow all the way to this thing where their office was wow and all of us on the bus you know i traveled with a band i traveled with my guys that's why canada is so nice they have a zero douchebag rule if you're even remotely douchebaggish at the border patrol, they're like, get the fuck out of here, man. If you have a DUI, get the fuck out of here. If you have an assault, get the fuck out of here. Isn't that crazy?

If you get a DUI, you can't go to Canada. It's why Canada is so awesome. You can never go to Canada. It's why Canada is so awesome. They just ban you. Because they won't let in any American douchebags. I mean, there's a fucking smart thing to that. Think about what you're living in Canada.

You're like a bunch of nice people in this frozen country that's connected to the craziest fucking savages that have ever existed on the face of the planet. There's no crazier country, if you look at total impact on the world, than America. Fuck Rome. Rome can suck our dick. We're in 140 different countries with fucking nuclear arms. We got bombs and tanks and jets and drones. Everybody, sit the fuck down. So Canada is, like, above us.

And every now and then, one of us is running from the law, and they try to get into Canada. So, of course, they have to have, like, really fucking strict laws. Yeah, they do. Any criminal tendencies, any conditionists, they saw that coming a long time ago. And they're like, eh, we got to shut it down. I appreciate it. That's why I have such a great time up in Canada, because they do that.

They're so stringent. It is great. Canada really is awesome. It's amazing. I'm at the River Creek Casino in June. You're going to love that place. Yeah, I've been to a bunch of times. Oh, yeah, I got to say where my gigs are.

Yeah, I got them right here for you. So next Wednesday, Dice will be at Westbury Music Fair. And that is? In Long Island. Where in Long Island? Westbury. Westbury? Yeah.

That's next Wednesday. And then Friday and Saturday, he's at the Joker's Wild in New Haven, Connecticut. My old stomping club. I used to do that club when I lived in New Rochelle. And that should be a lot of fun. And then next Sunday. This is the big one. Asbury Park, New Jersey, Bamboozled. And who are you working with there? Well, I'm going on right before Bon Jovi.

Holy shit. No way. I'll do my show, and then he'll do his. I don't know what stage I'm on, but my show's the one right before his. I met Bon Jovi, and I've met him a couple times. I opened for them once in Queens. I did this MTV theater in the round they were very nice guys yeah and I always had a you know opinion of them just

real friendly guys but then I read this thing with him and his wife they they own a restaurant and they have a restaurant where the people that go to the restaurant pay whatever they can afford to pay so instead of like it'd be in a soup kitchen people can go with dignity and just pay whatever little money they have for a for a nice meal and some they're like really compassionate nice people i've heard about that that's a wild concept that's a beautiful concept that's it's a beautiful thing that they do especially in this fucked up economy so props to bon jovi and you'll be here with him that's next sunday asbury park new jersey at bamboozle. That should be fucking crazy. Dude, thank you very much. It's been an honor.

For me, as a comic, like I said, when I came up, man, you were one of the guys that I really looked up to and so to have you on the podcast is like a crazy experience

for me. I'm super happy to do it. We'll do it again. Thanks again for back in the day giving me advice and you really did, you were the reason

why I decided to go on the road. I listened to him and I was like, yeah, why don't I go on the road? It may be a better comic, too. Just going up at the store only can kind of make you a little bit of a monster. You could get sucked into its demonic spell and be a real fucking creep.

Thank you, everybody, for tuning in to the podcast. We will see you next week. We've got a lot of show coming up next week. Next week we've got Michael Rupert. He's going to be here on Tuesday. And Chael Sonnen the day before on Monday. And then Shane Smith will be the week after that. We've got a lot of shit going on.

A lot of new people that I'm putting in. John Anthony West and I are exchanging emails. So we're going to be doing that as well too, which I'm fucking super psyched about. Thanks to the Fleshlight for sponsoring us always. Our first sponsor, when nobody would take us seriously, they've been there from the beginning, and they're solid, and it's a fucking solid product as well. Go to JoeRogan.net,

click on the link for the Fleshlight, enter in the code name Rogan, and save yourself 15%. And thank you to Onnit.com, that's O-N-N-I-T, makers of AlphaBrain and various nootropics like ShroomTech Sport and Shroom Tech Immune and 5-HTP Enhanced New Mood. Go check that shit out. And 100% money back guarantee on the first 30 pills you order.

You don't even have to sell this stuff back to us. Just say it sucks and you get your money back. Use the code name Rogan. Save yourself 10% on any and all orders. All right, you dirty bitches. This is the end of this show, but it is Friday and it's 7 o'clock in about two hours. Two hours. We will

be doing the Ice House Chronicles and that takes place right here at the Ice House in Pasadena. You can only listen to it on Death Squad, so subscribe to the Death Squad on iTunes or you can watch it on my Ustream page tonight. This one here, Joe Rogan,

Ustream.tv forward slash Joe Rogan. Hey, Joe, I got t-shirts on sale too. Oh, shit. Death Squad t-shirts? They're pretty badass. Where can they get these?

DeathSquad.tv? DeathSquad.tv. Click on Death Squad shop and there's stickers and shirts. Yeah, and for all you rumor mongering cunt faces out there that thought for some reason because me and Brian did a couple of podcasts away from each other,

I wasn't with my little snuggle bunny, that there's some sort of bridge or a gap between us. This is not true. And he is my friend, and Brian will always be on the Joe Rogan Experience as long as he wants to, unless he gets really fucking crazy. I'm out eating. Unless he blows a fuse or gets AIDS. All right.

That's it. See you soon, you dirty bitches. Ice House Chronicles, 9 o'clock. Follow Dice Clay, the real Dice Clay, on Twitter. And anything else, Dice? I'm all good. And follow Max. This was great.

Beautiful. Thank you, sir. Appreciate it. And follow Max. What's Max's? I'm at MaxDUZZComedy. MaxDUZZComedy MaxDUZZComedy That's it

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