The Joe Rogan Experience - #2169 - Protect Our Parks 12

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

Shane Gillis, Mark Normand, and Ari Shaffir are stand-up comics, writers, and podcasters. Shane is the co-host of "Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast" with Matt McCusker and one half of the sketch comedy duo "Gilly and Keeves" with John McKeever. Watch his new comedy series, "Tires," and special, "Beautiful Dogs" on Netflix. www.shanemgillis.com Mark is the co-host of the podcasts "Tuesdays with Stories" with Joe List and "We Might Be Drunk" with Sam Morril. Watch his latest stand-up special, "Soup to Nuts," on Netflix. www.marknormandcomedy.com Ari is the host of the "You Be Trippin'" podcast. His latest comedy special, "Ari Shaffir: Jew," is available now via YouTube. www.arishaffir.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Joe Rogan Experience Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day! Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy y does a terror alert We're up and rolling welcome to morning radio Norman's over there stoking it up. Let's go There's a terror alert what I mean really yeah, yeah, they're sent to Jamie I didn't right where Well the subs are outside of Miami that's real, but then there's another thing we've been subs Russian subs Yes, yeah, there's a thing. Cuban subs? Russian subs? Is that what that is? Yes. Yeah, there's a Russian nuclear sub outside of Miami. That's true.

Yeah. Like, outside of Cuba, so it's like 25 miles from Miami, there's a Russian sub. Ay, ay, ay. Yeah. CIA chief warns of possible terror attack. They brought the draft back, you heard. I'm gonna send this to you, Jamie. What?

Yeah. The fuck did I do to this? They brought the draft back. Draft back gonna send this to you Jamie. What yeah? Your ass back, baby. Well. I think kings. I don't think it's a draft I think you always had to register for the draft act draft. I think it was a thing just in case Selective service yeah selective sir. I don't really think much has changed Has it back draft Us is serious threat of terror attack. Fun. Great. Guys, just in time for the election. This season is the best.

This season has me riveted. I don't understand who's writing this. How are they killing off good guys? Like, what is going on? This season of the world is amazing. What? The world. There's so many, so many made up things clearly right now. The Holocaust.

The Holocaust, yeah, I'm just hearing about that. COVID. Flat Earth. Well, there's Ukraine, there's Gaza. Space. Apparently Congo, something's happening. What's going on in the Congo? Oh, the Uyghurs.

No, no, it's China. Oh, shit. Yeah, there's some, there's some, uh. Are you drawing? I'm keeping a tally. Last time I was so rough with the puking. I'm keeping a tally last. I was so rough with the puking I'm keeping a tally of my drinks Talked into more Norman went up first at the mothership that night and he was

Obliterated you repeated jokes like three or four times, but the audience The audience knew what was going on They caught on I was so happy that I was like five people after you so I got to sober up Oh, yeah, I was saying even then I was like Jesus Christ. I am way too drunk to be on stage That was man. I thought I was killing but they were laughing at me You were doing you were doing you were doing no no no no no no no you started set up They were like wait is this another joke But would you delivered it But you delivered a great

You had a great set it was funny. We were watching and laughing. We were laughing no no no no no no no You we were laughing because we knew how hammered you were, but you were killing yeah, you were so it was not bad Also, it was a great show we were hammered. We were obliterated. We were also. We were right there with you Yeah, every we all drank too much. Yeah, but what a fun show That was what a fun day. What a fucking fun night It was Shane going to I was on after Shane or whatever and he goes I found mark And I'm like where he just goes to a back hallway and clicks a light on Blair which way to turn the corner there, but yeah, you're just feet away from your puke Right behind the stage

Pretty cool a drug and yes, I could hear you from the stage snoring No, shut up. I mean if you snored they could hear you I heard you last night he laid in it while I was on stage. Well, I heard you two fucking mumbling back there. Yeah in it while I was on stage. Well I heard you two fucking mumbling back there. Yeah. I was like are you guys hammered? A little. You guys were in the back having a conversation about what the show was going on. Yeah they were right behind the curtain. Why didn't someone kick them out? We were riffing on what people were saying as they were listening. Yeah we had to prepare. You guys didn't prepare shit dude. I was at that show. We sure didn't. Fake professionals. It was crazy. That was the worst with the store with the hallway in the original room. The worst.

You would be out there and you'd be having fun conversing. You wouldn't even realize you're a part of it. You're too loud and then you're a comic and all the comics are too loud and when you're on stage like you fucking guys are so loud. Yeah, right. Like you're doing it too. Everyone's doing it. You know it's bad when the guy on stage is like guys shut up. It happens all the time too. Yeah, it's just that the guy on stage is like, guys, shut up! Yeah, it happens all the time too. It's just that transition between that festive back corridor parking lot area. It's a hangout area. Parking lot is always where everybody gets out of their car,

what's up, I was just in Cleveland, talking shit, having fun. And then you go right into the hallway and you forget. I feel so bad for the door guys because they're like, hey, you've cleared this. And he's like, these are all guys I look up to. I know you have to tell them to go outside. Nobody listens. Nobody listens to the door guys because they're like they're like hey you've cleared this and he's like these are all guys I look up to nobody listens nobody listens to the door guys takes a manager to go over I know they'll say you guys gotta leave

and all the regulars go I know right they do yeah everybody should get the fuck out of here does that system work I feel like there's like a mark marron or a kineson and they're like they were door guys this is a legitimate way to get up but I'm like I've seen you work the door for six years now Oh listen it can work for some people work for Ari Mean the whole thing is like Not everybody's gonna do it. You know everybody that starts out Essentially if you're an open mic or you're probably doing comedy a couple years

How many of those guys from like two years in are still in the business that you started with mostly gone one mostly gone so that's gonna be the same thing when you see him it's a guy you started yeah my guy you go I go I'll go I'll go back to family and see a guy yeah yeah happier they're always happy they're always happier but you feel bad for them. They don't have the guys that are still doing it You go back guys that quit the guys a quarter happy a lot of them are happy really what they have yeah They're not getting beat up Yeah, hell yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, some of those guys. They just bomb forever, so if you look at a guy

Who's a door guy? It's a guy who's there is in that spot? You know that you're just or door gal They didn't even tell him they don't call door gals. Do they're also door guys whores. That's gross That's rude. That's misgendering for gal, but they also called them when they started doing male waitresses. They call male waitresses That's funny, but that's okay, you know waitress male stewardess That's funny, but that's okay. He's a male waitress. That's a stress test too, because if you get mad someone calls you a male waitress You're kind of a bitch. Like we don't care what they fucking call you. I would be pissed if somebody called me a fucking male waitress You were working at the comic store.

I was a waiter until it was like here. They only had females for the longest time and then they were like we could have a dude waiter. When did they have a dude waiter? I don't remember any dude waiters. They have them now. They do now. Yeah, but Mitzi was like, the Holt a dude waiter. When did they have a dude waiter? I don't remember any dude waiters. They have them now. They do now. Yeah, but Mitzi was like, the Holtzman said that at a funeral once. He was like, I don't like this.

They're supposed to only be female and they're supposed to fuck the up and comers. Wow. When you think about how many comics you started out with that are actually doing it today, from Open Mic, I think I know three. You remember the ones that are still in Mroar and the ones that quit. What were they, Burr, or Fitzsimmons? I didn't know Burr until later. Burr started

like a year or two after me and I knew Fitzsimmons and I started the same time. We started like a week apart from each other. Damn. The same club. And he quit. Ah! No, he's great. Funny guy. Chris McGuire But he doesn't really do comedy anymore although. He was very funny He just mostly does like TV projects and shit now. He was involved in that Snoop Dogg Martha Stewart show I wrote jokes for that Yeah, Chris the great joke writer. He's a funny dude, but so he's like me

Dane Dane was around back then and like who else how was he at open mics you know honestly I gotta say I saw Dane when he was past open mic for the first time the first time I saw them I used to do this there's a place called Dick Dardy's comedy hut Dick Dardy was this like legendary biker slash comedian guy legendary Boston guy names his things his character He was a fun fun guy like but he gave me a lot of work like I love I love that guy because like when I was just starting out he would send you out to the middle of fucking nowhere to some weird bar gig But you know you made money, and so I did the comedy hub when Dane was with Al and the monkeys

Easy yeah, that was the show it was a comedy show it was yeah Monkeys like a band Bobby Kelly Al del Benny was a sketch group yep, they would do sketches, and then they would each do like five minutes of That's Bobby that's hot bodies on Whoa! Holy shit. Is that Bobby on the right? That's Bobby. That's hot Bobby. Who's on the left? Holy shit. Jesus.

Yeah. So this was, you know, 1990, it says two? Is that what it says there? That's crazy. 92? So I think I met him in 1990, 91. Oh my God. That's BCN, WBCN Comedy Riot winners.

Which was like, the Comedy Riot was the big thing back in the day the BCN comedy riot like if you won the comedy Right you were the fucking man. They thought that was their future. They took a picture for this. Oh, yeah, who was Al? Al's I don't even know what I was doing these days. I know he was a sailor Doesn't be I think maybe al Qaeda although Benny. Yeah, he was in Australia I think I think we married an Australian lady and I think they move I'll stand up there So when I met them, that's what they were doing. They were all together. They weren't like doing stand-up separately yet And then they sort of gave up on that and started doing stand-up separately Damn had to make it work back, but that was a couple. Yeah now living in Sydney, Australia

So I guess he's still out there working but so I know those guys but that's a couple of years after open mic for me it was like you know 90 I started in 88 so there was like only like four four four or five guys left who do you guys still have around from open mics oh yes, thanks, Sean Patton But doesn't it feel like those gigs you had to go out and do some weird You know Knights of Columbus bullshit or you had to do a- those were like the best those are the best Yeah, but people aren't doing those anymore, and then they just put a clip on tik-tok So I don't feel like they're they're learning that muscle of like I got to win these mooks over

Some people I think some people are still doing it. And also is that a good muscle to have? Yeah, I think so. Do a VFW? Yeah, just to get them. It's also good to know what that is. Yes. You know like it's not this this magic doesn't work in every setting. Yeah, like you need certain settings. You need a microphone. You know, you can't have no microphone. You need a compliant audience. If you have to do a corporate gig and people are in the middle of talking and and they go and now here's a comedian you go on stage. You're gonna eat dick. I just did that It was as bad it was the worst Rogan text I was I was sitting my house, and I got text Rogan was like I'm going to that I was like fuck Just to be fun.

It was for Texas's, it was like fundraising for football. And they asked me to do it. I said no. Then they finally, they got me. They got me. I was like, fine, I'll do it. And the money's great. Free.

Oh! It's not free at all. I did it for field passes. Alright, alright. That's something. That's big. And also I'm friends with those people. It was fine. But thankfully Tony came. Oh yeah. Yeah, I did it for field passes Also, I'm friends with those people it was fine, but look like it always Tony came Oh, yeah, I was like I'm bringing Tony on stage Cuz I'm gonna die. I'll do that went first. It was on the field

It was in a it was in it was in a concert stage cuz Brooks and done was the concert after Mm. I go first 500 600 but it was like a wedding. They were on the field. That's the worst. And it was just round tables. Dude, I went on, it was sunny out, it was in the football stadium. No, no, no, no, no, no. I was on the 50 yard line. 600 people at a football stadium. Now I wish I got there. Round table, it was like a wedding. When I got on stage everyone filming standing Trump it I was like this is working

I did like one word knows Beginning those those in the beginning there's a, I think those gigs, they test you. How much do you really want to do this? Football fear. You got Hamland. Where, it was, yeah. He died out there. It was bad. That's rough. Those settings are always horrible. Oh, and then before we go on, I was like, I'm gonna bring Tony on, and then the guy who was running it like freaked out, he like oh shit. He just saw the roast so he was like this guy can't go up there. Yeah

There's kids here. There's fucking kids here Comic there's literally kids running around in front of the stage and off there like people don't understand comedy think it's like carpentry Can you hang this shelf? come here tell jokes do a joke about this when you're up there do it a hundred degrees in front of the richest people in Texas yeah they picture everyone just laughing and having a good time

but no you gotta listen to me do a bit about fingering literally the fucking laughter gets sucked up by the grass no one laughed of course i mean i think i saw I think I saw some people laughing I would have been howling the just a comedian section the way way at top in a box seat on the floor that is a beautiful moment watching a friend bomb hard only a friend that you know is funny yeah like you know if someone's bombs and they bomb all the time it's pathetic

there's a specific laugh where goes it goes set up punchline then a pause quick pause the audience should laugh then a half second after when they don't it's the two comics in the back going oh I'm like look dude I know I'm bombing dude shut the fuck yeah. Get out of here. Oh, he's got the dry mouth.

Isn't it funny how sometimes, like, you go on stage, it's almost like you enter into a wrong cadence? Or a wrong... just a wrong thought process? A wrong rhythm? And then, like, you're like, I gotta get out of this. Yeah, pull out of it. How do I get out of this and get normal? I don't talk like this. How did I get stuck? How did I get stuck saying things in this order? Actually, that show I just watched season one of Eastbound Down again, and I was literally just talking like Kenny Powers.

Oh yeah. It was on stage, it was like, good to see you motherfuckers made it out tonight. I was just like, this is how I talk. Oh my god. It was bad. There were kids, and then I brought Tony on stage and we did like tame Rose jokes like Vince Young was there. I was like Vince Young. I heard it's your birthday today. You're 41 more like Vince old The rhythm thing but you know what else is weird you make some weird choice out of the gate, you're like,

I'm gonna fuck with this guy. Right. First, and it just derails your whole set. Yeah. Like, why didn't I just do my act? Why did I bring him up? It's choices. Like, it's sometimes they go sideways, and sometimes they don't.

But if you don't follow them, you'll never get those tags. You never get that, like, that new branch that comes off a bit. Right, yep. Follow the field. It's just so funny. Yeah. It's just sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes you get a warning the MC's on. I got off. You're about to go on like, oh, there's a lady on the side. She wants it to be all about her. Like don't. And then you'll walk for a second and you ask like, what's your problem? Like, fuck. I unleashed her. I got the warning. They get you. They're always going to get you.

Just waiting to be called on. God, there's so many needy people out there. Yeah. They don't just want to see a show. They want to be needy. Oh, I've met dudes. Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no a hockey arena show and this drunk guy did I tell this last I think it was possibly I was black this guy snuck behind like behind the screen so he was just sitting by himself up in the balcony or like a no one was allowed to sit there he just was sitting by himself and I heard him the entire show like any but he would only talk when I was talking I was talking to be like Shane oh no I was on stage like What is it? It was like a trying to find a fucking cricket in your house, right? It stops me like He was like

I was like oh, he's up there. He was like hey. I love you Fucking kick him out we see it We see it hackers at the Vulcan that would lean over the balcony and you couldn't even see them. There's a spotlight in your face, you're like, who's up there? What are you talking? Like people above you yelling things down at you. Fuck yeah. When it's while you're talking, and you're like, I swear to God I hear something and it's a fucking arena. No one else hears it That's bruised. I'm just on stage like In between jokes looking around they're like God there's got some people they shouldn't go to a comedy show now

They just like this should be a test they took that guy put him straight in a cop car By himself they were like I Security guard grabbed him his shoes fell off oh my god this guy is cool this guy does actually rule his shoes fell off right away he wasn't saying that he just snuck behind the stage it was going I love you dude he was having fun it's so hard to explain to a positive person that they're ruining everything. I know. Yes.

Right. Especially one with a 70 IQ. I did a Philly last week and I had the lady who had the crazy laugh. So she's nice. She's loving the show. She's like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And you're like, you gotta go. You're ruining everything.

She's like, I'm laughing. I'm like, but you're. Oh, you kicked her out? I had to. It was too much. She ruined the opener's whole set. So then when I went on, she's laughing in the middle of setups. Where you need like a pause, and we had to get her out of there. Was she a crazy person? Yeah, she was making it about her.

She was doing it on purpose? I think so. It was way over the top. It was like the Joker. Like almost like a prank kind of yeah, or she just wanted you to know she was laughing yeah It was like fake orgasm chick where you're like hey, this is not real Six inches of thin steel Lot of vein. Did a corporate gig in Toronto.

It was the best setup ever. Did I tell this? No, but I know this. Remember I told you this Superbowl thing? It's the same guy. No way. It was just a hell of a gig. It was all these rich millionaire guys. And the guy goes, I'm a huge fan. You got to do this bit do that bit. I'm like, this is a lock

He's telling me what bits to do. I'm in so I open up with all the bits and they're all bombing You know, it's corporate had to like the Fisher price Mike You know that whole thing and then I'm bombing and the guy sitting in the front row going What are you doing? This is like your special I saw I'm doing the bits. They're not laughing I don't know what else to do. So I bombed for a full hour. What are you doing? What are you doing? This isn't like your special I saw I'm doing the bits. They're not laughing. I don't know what else to do. So I bombed for a full hour. What are you doing? That's not helping. What are you doing? Same show I did in the Super Bowl.

It's Trent and Courage. You're your coach. Oh wow. It's a rough show. He brought me into a dinner and it was in front of just NFL Hall of Famers. At a steak dinner table. Yes. And he was like, alright, stand up. That was it? And the first time he did it I was like, I'm not doing it. And he was like, he was cool about it. He was like a dinner. Yes, and he was like all right stand up that was it

I'm not doing it. Yeah, and he was like he was cool about it. He was like okay He was then I realized he really wanted me to stand up so I was like Just come to a show later. I'll talk about Down syndrome in front of fucking Jerry, right? Come do a show yeah come do a show fuck this yeah nonsense. I had one good corporate. It was for the Border Patrol Yeah, they saw me in La Jolla and San Diego to club and he's like I like do this stuff Mike Okay, but corporate sir goes their pieces of shit You want and I was like okay great, and they really were cops are great crowds Yeah, well we did that show last year. They were awesome. It was awesome. Yeah two shows. Yeah, it's like Comedy should be in a fucking comedy club and it probably should be more than five minutes, too

That's what I want. I never did one of those late-night shows like it was like that just doesn't seem like You know, I just can't get cooking in five minutes Yeah, you know I need some time and I also like I don't want to water anything down I don't want to do it goes with a style Yeah, specific style for it. It's yeah, if you're like a setup punch joke writer guy It's great, but I wonder today if it's even worth doing it was certainly worth doing like when you guys were doing it Not at all, but today it seems like to develop like a solid five minutes and do it on one of those shows No, it's yeah, I got Sam. We were all hanging out me him and Sam We're hanging out in the cellar and he said he got an offer for a cordon

or something like that and he was like, ah, they're not paying. And then I gotta fly myself there, I don't know. Also you're doing stand up on a non-stand up show. Yeah, he goes, oh, I can just get this views on my own. Yeah. Like tonight right now. One TikTok. Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird situation now

where that thing has just evaporated in front of our face. Yeah, and then they, I'm doing the Tonight Show soon but the guys like hey we'd love to have you and I'm like all right great here's the set he's like oh can you change this and that I'm like well why would I do it now you guys gotta like you guys with the time bend a little I had to fight for boner I got a fight for Boner, I got Boner on. But that was a fight. Boner fight. Before the internet, Boner was a no-go. Great video game. Boner was never happening before the internet.

Boner. It's a funny word though. It's funnier than erection. It's a character on Growing Pains. Interesting, I don't think they meant that thing. Washed up dead. Washed up dead on the shores of Vancouver really boner Pull it up. I mean yeah, he said he washed up the actor who played boners the bone

Oh washed up dead on the phone around yeah I don't know a lot of sitcom guys good fuck you're lucky you got out easy Well, you know what it is they start really no no it's they start really young They start young That's what it is they start they become, and they become famous when they're kids. Which you just can't do. That works out a lot. Having a child be an actor.

That's a smart move. It is the worst thing you can do to a kid. Other than like, awful things. Kevin Spacey. Wait a minute. Bona found dead in Canada. Whoa, I got two facts. All right.

Bona was discovered in a heavily wooded area about a hundred feet from a footpath to the huge park. Damn. How did he die? Bona in a heavily wooded area about a hundred feet from a footpath to the huge park damn How did he die boner in the wooded or foul play was not suspected? I don't know about that was I mean what an area is never good. How did he die then? It's okay, but they all I've met a bunch same as dick and his nickname was boner perfect That sucks boner used to be just a mess-up right a boner. Yeah, it used to be that yeah Oh, when did boner become something that people used to describe their dick? You know maybe it's like one of those things like gay like we have Flintstones had a gay old time remember

Yeah, it used to be fun. We'll have a gay time right and all sudden they took it just like they took the rainbow to be fun we'll have a gay time right and then all sudden they took it just like they took the rainbow right they stole it yeah we're taking now they own it we're taking him back gay that's why when people get mad if you call something gay like he used to be fun blunder yeah it's blunder 1912 baseball slang what probably from bonehead bonehead. Bonehead move. Bonehead. The meaning erect penis is from the 1950s. Okay, so the 1950s, boner became a dick. I mean it's right there. Your dick's a bone, boner, it's right there. Sorry, didn't mean to get hard at the funeral.

Oh, from the earlier, it used to be a bone-on in the 1940s. Follow the trends of boner. That's what I do during sex. Trends of boner. Oh, we got something, now we don't. Yes! Follow the trends of butter. That's what I do As soon as the fucking Viagra was invented it's a good word in the bedroom though You know if you're like I'm so hard you like you can't be like oh you like that boner Where's drunk nice boobs I got a boner he's beer drunk really all couldn't have throws a bad guy using that word is drunk. Nice boobs. I got a boner He's beer drunk really all you can use is dick and cock pretty I've definitely hit a boner in there

You drink you're drinking that Bud Light you get a boner, but drinking like 25 year old scotch you have an erection There you go. You have a hard cock Hard cock. Ice moving around your glass. I've got it in the rich. I can't take yeah, I can't take myself seriously I should be like I have a hard cock right it's gross My wife likes the insults and I feel bad You said this last night No no no you told me this before I'm sorry You know she's like say shit say mean shit

But I'm a guy so I'm like yeah you retard Yeah That's not hot You don't pay your share of the rent You can't cook your share the rent You can't cook That's funny that she likes that loves it She's a she's a wacky lady, but probably real nice outside of that very nice. That's where she gets it out

Bizarre she could maybe go to the gym Hand-to-hand combat while you're fucking Yeah, it'd be nice. Take a fucking yoga class. Get in there. You have to be in fucking hand to hand combat while you're fucking. Get out. It's weird. Remember those self defense classes? I felt like every lady took one of those in the 80s. And that kind of went away. All they taught you was to knee a guy in the balls.

That was it. I went to one to watch to see what they teach. It was all nonsense. The to see what they teach. It was all nonsense Do what the only thing that they take notes? Yeah Teach it like 21 at the time. I wanted to see it because it was at Boston University I think which is where I was teaching taekwondo and when I was there They they had like a big blue suit the guy would wear like a big blue suit Yeah, and he would like come out like a training German Shepherds and they would yell like stop and then they would like drop and kick him in the balls that was like one of the moves and then like

grabbing with your keys there was moves where you like take your keys you put them through your fingers like brass knuckles yeah back then people had a house key fucking mailbox you got a bunch of keys you could put them in there and punch people in the face but I was like you know there's no substitute for actually learning how to fight. This is not going to work. None of it will work. None of it will work. I just got to get out of that alley. I had explained to this girl, she was like 100 pounds with tiny hands. I'm like, you should never try to hit a guy. Never try. You should be you should learn how to not get hit and how to move. But you're not going to hurt someone. You can't you're

too small. This is just you can do about it. That's a wake up call. Just trying to think of- Because they get in this head that they're gonna be karate experts and they're gonna be beating up people. And I'm like, you don't have enough mass. Like you have to have a certain amount of mass

to be able to generate force to hurt someone. Leah Thomas is pretty beefy. Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. Think of trying to be like the type of guy who hits his wife and then you go try to hit her and she can bob and weave Jiu-jitsu is the best sport for women the best martial art to learn for women because you could be very small But still with leverage and using the right technique you choke a guy unconscious. I've seen it happen

Yeah, but my friend Felicia she weighs like 135 pounds She's a black belt under John John Machado And there was this guy who's like a porn star he used to have a TV show on Showtime And he was gonna have this thing where he tried jiu-jitsu with a girl And she fucking strangled him like three or four times in a row And I don't know if they ever even put it on TV the thing it was so embarrassing Because you have this 135 pound chick yeah Manhandles dude and taking his life over and over again and then letting him letting him go Felicia oh, she's the shit some girl. There's bodybuilder women. I watch a documentary who get paid on the side

They know this side they get paid on the side while bodybuilding to like Wrestle dudes and like throw them around and guys love it top dollar What's the real job is it really bodybuilding or is it wrestling dudes? It seems like you're bullshitting you're saying you do it on the side That's where you make all your money right bodybuilding is the ad you put out how much money do the women bodybuilders make? Compared to like women who are willing to wrestle crazy old rich dudes. Yeah general. I bet there's a lot of money Oh, yeah, and like old rich dudes that want to be humiliated of course fuck are these people where are they who are like what are these guys doing oh they're out there I think I will a lot of like CEOs these guys that you tell you

jokes in front of these corporate events those guys are getting like tied down oh yeah see an asshole stuffed in their face oh yeah the balls kicked that's the new thing because porn has become so specific, because everything's just uploaded for free. So then it becomes like, well I'm gonna hire these porn stars to do this exact scene. And a lot of it is like, burn all my stamps I collected for 40 years.

It's not, but it's not just, with these old rich guys, some of them, they make this deal with what they call a humiliatrix. I had one of them on my show. Humiliatrix. Really? Yeah, and she will get a video of them sucking a cock. She'll make

him suck a cock on video and then send it to her and then she will tell him she's blackmailing him but it's all under safe conditions and she will get him and he will send her ten thousand dollars and she like still holds on to the tape. they have like deals Terrifying like she steals a certain amount of money from him She can steal a certain amount of money from them and they're like she humiliates him and she like there's a thing that like these rich Really powerful guys that had these giant corporations some of them. That's how they get the rocks off They get the rocks off by being humiliated

But so they hire a professional and the professional gets dirt on them humiliate makes them do embarrassing things That's a great gig for a lady. Yeah financial domination. Oh Karen used to do this a sexual fetish It was so funny. Yeah, she would get a text. This guy was like, hey, what are you up to? She was like you suck send me some money and that's yeah, I got 20 bucks. Yeah Send me some money and that's yeah, I got 20 bucks. Yeah It's a lifestyle activity which a submissive is required to give gifts or money to a dominant Yeah, some dudes out there just like to be dominated play-pig

Piggy whoa fin sub human ATM money slave Pay-pigs the worst though. Yeah, he's not bad though It sounds like Jackie Gleason used to call his house I could maybe get behind the domination, but as soon as they're like now suck some guys dick like hey lady We're I'm not Playing this Want Dirt on them you know I think they're all Involved in Fucking Corporate Shenanigans and They're Probably all Criminals Yeah I just can't and I get the nuts Kicked I can't yeah How do you find out I don't get it Is there an unlock moment where you're like shit? That's what I'm like an accidental knee punch You know like sorry like actually I bet a lot of it has come out of the internet

I bet a lot of it is coming out of guys watching videos and that's what I want That's what I'm gonna start jacking off to it next thing. You know they're hiring somebody. I don't like any pain How do you find the lady how do you find the ladies that do a good job? She finds you Shaman right there they find you in the forest a day to switch once a hookah was sub and dominant trans And so it'd be like you choke her in bed. She like cool, and then we're at a bar She's like chokes. How does that feel? This is so stupid you dated a fucking retarded

She's like like that. I'm like it's trying to stop you at any point. This is dumb. Yeah Well some people just like playing games that would bother you to go. Oh my god Don't hurt doing like stop if you guys at the bar and a lady grabbed my neck Of course fuck out We're already fucking. Was she hammered too? No, we were just hard dragging. She was trying to show me her side of it and was like, this isn't my thing. It's like eating ass. Like I'll eat an ass, but if some chick tries to eat my ass, I'm like, you shouldn't be doing that. No, I couldn't agree more.

Completely agree. That's wrong for you. This is bad. When they put your legs up like a toddler? No thank you. This is a fucking Change It's not pretty I couldn't yeah if a lady pulled my legs over like yeah, I spat yeah Yeah, you got those big white cheeks. Yeah with that red hole Fuck you do the one who got you fucking little gay ass eating

Fuck you dude, you're the one who got your fucking little gay ass eaten. Don't keep trying to turn it on me. It felt great. I was like, I jogged today, this is bad. Also, I want to be like, hey, just Google Ari Shaffir's ass. You won't want to be part of this. There's no need for these activities. No, no. Some people just, they go too far.

Like these humiliatrix people. Getting shit on. Yeah, regular sex is pretty good and then you come and you go, alright I'm good. You went too far. Well you gotta keep upping it, you know? It's like drugs. Yeah, you gotta keep going further and further. Cut off my arm. I don't know. I don't know what he does. Who are these people?

Who are these people? Have you ever met anybody that's into this? Oh yeah, you know them. Every once in a while meet like a guy who likes Getting pegged. Yes. That's a tough one. I can name a few. Yeah, yeah, I won't Fit Simmons and I were on a road trip We're on a road trip early in our career back when we would do road trips to do open mics So we're headed to Rhode Island to do an open mic and with this dude

Who didn't make it one of the guys to Rhode Island to do an open mic with this dude who didn't make it. One of the guys, one of the lost soldiers of the open mic days. He was telling us about how his wife shoves a 10 inch dildo in his ass. And how much he likes it. How much he likes it. You never had a vibrator in your ass,

and everyone, it's like, like the record skips. Ah, DeRosa. Let's start with the pinky. I just remember us all being like, what did you just share? Yeah. 10 inch.

Do we need that? Can we go five? Why 10? Five's great, you're right. Eh, you might have been exaggerating. But he was opening up the door to this conversation. Like we're all gonna go, yeah. Cool, man.

No thank you. I like a hard thing in my body that doesn't belong there. I just don't want things behind me I don't like that idea You don't want to be your greatest orgasm ever true with like a fucking vibrate might be though Yeah, probably it probably is everybody says it's probably a guttural fucking That's what they all say and she just a whale It's a certain fucking level of harmonic frequency. That's not possible without something in your ass

What have I done and you just bust Yeah, yeah, it's like heroin. You're addicted immediately That's the problem if you could find out like a spot in there that you could hit With like a vibrator and you come that hard you'd be like, well, let me try it once If it was under your arm, we'd all try it In the one place the last place you'd look most shameful part of your body bring it on. Yeah the old butthole No, thank you. Oh The finger is the

gateway so you gotta watch out with the finger. Jimmy call that up? They start you with the finger. Jamie pull up. Jamie pull up. The guy is getting fucked in the ass please. The old magic thumb. When I was like 21 years old I did a road gig and I met this lady and we went back to her place and she told me, she goes, some gay guys used to live here before I did. I said, how do you know? She goes, cause they left gay porn. I was like, what? And so this is the first time I'd ever seen,

I knew that people were gay. I knew they were gay, but I had no proof. I had no proof of this activity. And so she puts it on, first of all, I left her apartment immediately. There he is. You bought the house. I needed to hang out with her. I needed to hang out with her. Activity and so she puts it on first of all I left her apartment immediately Creepy it was like I was watching someone get shot So intense for the end well that lemon party shot you got to pull that lemon party Yeah, how many times has that been sent?

Goes oh my god. Can you believe what Trump did? Yeah, look the ones the the black dudes the San Francisco San Francisco Chronicle. Yeah has not had a real What's going on there, what is that? What'd you do? That was DeVito, I think. What is that, Jamie? I typed in Lemon Party and that's what happened. Go back to it again? Yeah! That's Lemon Party. Good for those old... It's such an innocuous title. I don't know what this is. My computer might be in trouble now. Oh, is your computer tainted? I don't know if it's going on. You got a virus, you son of a bitch. You got a gay virus. All your searches go home

up. They got you. They got you. AIDS? You got the St you son of a gay virus They got AIDS Virus well the other fat black guy with the huge dick he took over the lemon party that was like the new generation That was it anytime. There was like crazy new story the flat back dick you can send that to your mom the lemon parties Come again, wait a minute over the line You can send that giant guy dick Well your mom was in the Holocaust It was just a... She's seen enough Oh Jesus Rogues have a good bit about Brokeback Mountain

That there should be a warning Meat Spin Which one's that? It's a fun one, you've seen your friends do this I don't know Meat Spin Oh yeah yeah Man I'm eating here It's a fun one. You've seen your friends do this. I don't know meat spin Safe on that good golly Tell girl just for show sort of like when people post virtuous things on social media that kind of doesn't go all the way up Yeah, just a ray. I'm just for show. It's they're only doing this for show. I am so safe

Yeah, no, I engage in these risky activities filming this like butt fucking in front of a camera Yeah, but fucking without a camera is weird How do you get that dick to maintain that circle people do it and do you pause and try to go the other way? Well, you gotta work the other muscles Australia goes the other way automatically Now this Spotify is okay with that with what the dick swinging we'll find out all right I mean Jamie's good nothing's been on the screen. Yeah Jamie knows how to handle things everybody that's listening to this knows exactly what me and lemon party Couple people to be like I'll look this up. What do they mean? Yeah? Well, it's a marine watching like ah come on

Well, dude I remember the early days of the internet when this stuff was new when you would get stuff like this like you know attachments Well, yeah, but also certain websites like do you remember style project? No, just me I'll project was this wild? Website that had all the most fucked up things. Yeah, it was our spot. We would all go to yeah Calm eat calm do you remember style project? I don't remember that one bro. This is still up. Yeah became friends Much pubic hair yikes quite a push some guys are into that So anyway used to be like all the most

Videos and photos on the internet anything fucked up that happened that you could find The girl stops the guy keeps well adjust boom whoa yeah There's a lot of those can you do this with like Neil deGrasse Tyson's on be like oh, let's pull up those cosmos Chronicle cosmos If he wasn't on camera you probably have a good sense of humor about it true that I was gonna try another older one But it's got the Texas True that I was gonna try another older one, but it's got the Texas Came famous and then they let's go expert you gotta search Man get express VPNs videos good. That's video works. They all work you run into one Yeah, there's some rough ones on there though. Oh really X videos a little more Wild West

I see how so do tell I don't know I feel like yeah, it's kind of feels like you're on a Rotten calm it feels yeah It's like reddit where it's like the best ones will get shown to you. Yes. Yeah, they all go nausea. Yeah Yeah, it's like pregnant 80 year old fucks now. We're talking. Oh, yeah, right gross. That's horrible They were gonna afraid to click on a porn style because it might change your whole life That would get you I don't know just a little risk it AI porn is gonna get you you know Why is AI porn is gonna manufacture the absolute perfect female for you? I cracked one day AI porn, I'm back.

Well it's good, it's so well done. I said this was nice. Well it's also zero karma porn. Ah, you have karma with porn, come on. Those days are over. Well no, they're doing a new thing where they're making random high schoolers into a porn to shame them.

Send me the link. Oh, like with AI? Yeah. Public servants too. Here's the karma, here, like with AI? Mm-hmm, public servants too. Here's the karma, here's where I don't have karma with porn. 45 year old step moms that get stuck in dryers and the stepson fucks them. Oh yeah, right.

Stuck in dryers. See, first of all, it's ridiculous that she's stuck in the dryer. Move your hands up. It doesn't make any sense, you can get out. Who gets laundry out that way by sticking your head in for it? Not only that, it doesn't make any sense. Like, how are you, how are you stuck? And then once you get out you don't stop fucking you start sucking dick and you get crazy

Yeah, those are fun. It's a fun time It's just like when you have like an 18 year old girl is going on an audition and she's sitting on a leather couch And this guy's talking to her those I'm like Swallows hard Can do this you gotta get to the mothership somehow? Here the guy talk to the kid. He's such a skeezball. You're such a good girl, what do you do?

With AI, you're not gonna have any of that. AI know actual people, but you will still have people that get addicted to it. That's where things get weird because then you don't think of them as people. You just think, it's like how do I get? To the position where this girl's on the couch. Maybe I need to start my own thing Maybe I'll objectify. Yeah, he fucks you up. It fucks it fucks people up And less you ever meet a hooker guy the guy who gets a lot of hookers and then they're them around a regular woman I don't know how to relate to them really because everyone's for sale in that world

So then they're like stare up your girlfriend up and down Really? Because everyone's for sale in that world. So then they're like, stare up, like your girlfriend up and down. It's like, dude, dude. Oh, wow. Jesus Christ. Jesus. Yikes.

Yeah, some people don't know how to turn it off. Mm-mm-mm. What about a year ago? And those guys also like to get shit on. Like, videos. And those are the guys. Nice to meet you. You shit on me?

Dude, that's a third day thing. I bet if you're like online today on websites, you could probably find someone to shit on you pretty 1970 was probably quite a task. Yeah, get your ass beat. Yeah, the cops are gonna whoop your ass for that Yeah, probably quite a task before you could find someone who will safely shit on you. The internet's a beautiful thing Yeah, put you in a fucking cell next to Jack Ruby. Well, what's it called? Two girls one cup? Oh yeah, I was just gonna bring that up. Apparently that wasn't real shit though. That was like ice cream. They stopped up that girl's asshole. Yeah, that's why it looks weird

That's why it looks weird when it comes out, but you know How'd they get it up there though One of those things used to like decorate a cake Yeah, or start a fire thing in there. We should try that. So's so cold though. No, you just get some like warm... It'll warm up in there. Warm pudding. Work it around your hand for a little bit. Warm foamy goodness. We're whipped creamy. It's probably like whipped cream. And then she just dumps out this chocolate whipped cream. And they start eating it. Anyone else hard? And then they start throwing up at each other's mouths.

That's... those were so many many that was like the first reaction videos Yes, two girls one cup two girls one cup the that Jewish reporter getting beheaded And then the horse yeah The reporter was from what year? go for like 2001 to David Epstein something or I think his dad invented like It was in one of those Jesus Christ. I'm proud that one was so Heading didn't it wasn't like you knew in the movies. It was you just got through a quarter of my neck

I'm still screaming. Yeah, they're sawing Daniel Pearl pearly, baby His dad did something I saw an ad or a ride a lot Adam Curtis documentary they talked about Yeah, I remember the first time you caught a bestiality video on accident When I was in high school one of our friends had barnyard Betty do you remember barnyard Betty? Yeah, it was like it was a videotape was so grainy We had like a copy of a copy of a copy of a VHS and one of us had to like guard the door so We were downstairs in like the den where the television was and one guy had to stand up and try to watch by the

Doorway in case someone came in so you could stop them from getting through the door and they could pop the tape out in Time yeah, but it was this lady. She blew a German Shepherd. Hell. Yeah, and she let like I think she let a donkey fucker Other animals remember that German Shepherd lady cuz you she had nice tits Dad she won a Nobel Prize After she sucked a couple of dog dicks pretty well Wow yeah, and then that was that was when I think a lot of people got freaked out about terrorism seeing that like oh my god you'll cut your head off on video just to freak everybody out it's not just killing people it's like a very specific thing they're doing probably a great dog though that's the most chill dog in the

world just fucking some hot blonde On the dog this German Shepherd now I was on the guy getting his head cut off What cross wires are we on it's funny if you change topics on Norman when he's in mid like I got tags I got Boys if a terrorist attack goes down, you know, you're gonna want to be here. I'm going to your house I'm gonna be your house. We're not gonna if I get in before you I'm not gonna let you in what We need to get a ranch before everything goes sideways You'll need me to offer a business sacrifice like guys guys. I got one for you Yeah, leave us alone. We'll get you need a ranch with a well and a bunch of animals You need a bunch of chickens you need food and you need water. Chickens will always give you food. Chickens are easy.

You get one egg almost every day from a chicken. Hey that's pretty good. And if you have a dozen chickens you have a dozen eggs a day or at least eight. Protein. At least eight or ten. So then you have like that's food and then all the other food you get is a bonus. And you need water. And if things go sideways, that's real. You got a bunker? I have plans. I have some plans.

I got a feeling you're not going to let me in. I'll let you in 100%. Yeah, all you guys can come in. I just wonder if you're preparing too late. Like if shit goes down tomorrow, it's too late. Well yeah, but what about those guys who built those bunkers in the 60s and then just like, ah shit. You don't want a bunker, this is why.

Because if it goes that bad, you don't want to be alive. You don't want to survive that. If a nuclear war happens, you don't want to be alive. If you get hit. They thought they'd wait it out five years. You're gonna come out to hell. You're gonna come out to hell and the people that are gonna be alive are gonna be so dangerous

Yeah, they're like hey guys. I survived like new slaves Will 100% eat you you ever see the road yes Bleakest version of that but everybody knows that that's probably what would happen at least in some parts of the world That's why it's good. There's a nuclear submarine off the coast of Miami. It's not just one. There's another boat, another Soviet boat that's out there too. This is great. Yeah.

Why don't we deescalate? It'd be nice. It'd be a real good idea. Did you see Biden signed some 10-year deal to keep supporting Ukraine for the next 10 years? I did see that. What are we doing? 10 years? That's so crazy.

That's a lot of money. But it's also, the whole thing is so crazy I don't know all because the Sun work there well There's probably true a lot of factors. That's the thing right brazen. Yeah, but that guy's he's in court now But there's a lot of other factors with like all the different See a pardon yeah, I see a pardon coming all the different... I see a pardon coming. We got two politician guys in court it's a wild time. There's just so many factors that are

dangerous right now like Palestine, Ukraine, there's so many different places in the world where like things could pop off and go real bad at any moment and like there's a steady clip of people dying. Oh yeah. A steady clip of people dying in Ukraine. Steady clip and at at a certain point in time, if it gets to like, how many people has Ukraine lost? Let's guess. How many soldiers? No one will tell us.

What is the estimate of losses in Ukraine? A lot of like non, like people went back, athletes and stuff went back to fight. Really? A lot of them are dead. That's pretty badass. A lot of them are dead. Klitschko, what?

Klitschko is still alive. Klitsch, Klychko, and Lomachenko. What? Lomachenko. What? Klychko's not fighting anymore, but Lomachenko. No, no, no, I meant in the war, like they're still alive. Is he still in the war still? We would definitely know if they were dead.

Oh yeah, he's not dead. Yeah, yeah. And Lomachenko went, he went and joined back in the army. That's pretty sick. Whoa. Yeah, animals. I mean, that's, they're defending, literally defending the homeland. Yeah.

How many people have died in Ukraine right now? The thing is like it this keeps escalating and Russia people MSNBC will tell you a million Russians have died in 20 Ukrainians Tucker will tell you 10 billion Ukrainians five Russians. No one knows yeah Well be careful isn't it weird how the liberals are in support of this war? It's all flipped. It's so weird. It's very strange. But it's a lesson that everybody needs to know.

It's not about left or right, it's all bullshit. It's about people in control. And people in control, they use all kinds of different methods to stay in control, and supporting war is one of them. Supporting war. Uh-huh, they just try to do it from the left or they try to do it from the right, all kinds of different methods to stay in control and supporting war is one of them. Supporting war. Uh huh.

They just try to do it from the left or they try to do it from the right. But it used to be, it was the right wings that were the warmongers, the left wing guys were the pussy mongers. Right. Right? That's what it's like. Clinton was a pussy hound, Bush was a warmonger. And blue collar was left.

Right. And now blue collar is all right. Right. It's a wacky time. Right. Blue collar meant like working class, normal Americans. Right. And now blue collar is alright. Right. It's a wacky time. Right, blue collar meant like working class, normal Americans. Yeah, the south was Democrat. And also the conservatives were like fuck Russia, we gotta fight against, but then it's like. And. Fact check cannot verify these numbers and Ukraine treats the number of military deaths as a

state secret so the total is not officially known Okay, the deaths of nearly 25 Ukrainian soldiers since the invasion. Oh, this is a November of 2023 This is a while ago 25,000 Ukrainian soldiers since the invasion began by using open sources and put the total toll at more than 30,000 You gotta get Zelensky on He's a star fucker. He would do it. Why would I do that? Hanging out with C Kate Blanchett? Do you think I really want to have a guy in the middle of that? like dude

Do you want even look? Where's the money going who's who's any of it going sideways? I think is there any really like real account for sure something's going sideways. You're doing regular people Using their farmland as loans with regular people Using their farmland as loans I'm we just buying all their farm. Is that what it is? I think so Jesus Christ. We'll see cuz they're wheat What do you mean the farms like we get there they Ukraine Ukraine is the breadbasket of the world like wheat

We just stop eating that shit anywhere they did all that fun way, and then they got starved by the Soviets whoa Togo be cranes agriculture land Yikes a new report exposes the stealth takeover agriculture land this is from February 20 in the open is on the same page Wow It's always I don't know it's always about something. It's always about something else oh, there was that point when when we pulled out of Syria and Trump was doing a press conference, and he goes like I don't think he's supposed to worry He goes don't worry. We got the oil. We got the oil. I don't worry about that Like he's just said it out loud at a press conference. I was like wait. I thought it was human rights Stuff, and it was just like no it's always so much like when your girlfriend's mad at you it's always something else yeah that's war is a

racket that's that's Medley Butler book 1933 this dude retired just like he was in the military his whole life and wrote this book called war is a racket hmm it's all just about what he thought he was doing and what it was actually one of being Ukraine is the breadbasket of Europe producing one of the highest wheat yields in the world, but deep tillage and poor soil management has left its farmlands a heavily degraded state. But Monsanto will take care of that. Because the poor state of Ukraine's agricultural land

shift to regenerative agriculture has immense carbon sequential potential. Sequence, sequestration. No, none of us know what that means. Yeah, I'm lost. Sequestering carbon in the soil means like, instead of like, Sequestering like horses.

Leaving a lot of shit in the air, the soil actually retains it, and you get like zero carbon footprint farms in regenerative agriculture. It's like Polyface Farms does that, and what was the other one? White Oaks Pastures does that. There's a few of them and what they do is to just they let the problem is not farming. The problem is farming the way we do it.

Where you did like one giant field of one crop and like all these animals in a pen and all these chickens in a box. Like that's not how the nature wants you to do it. Yikes. And if you do it that way you need a bunch of chemicals. That's how we do it except for Black Rock Black Rocks definitely buying that land. Oh really and you can't imagine they buying everything good name They're just trying to make money like rock They're trying to make money true. Anyway, they can they got a bunch of billionaires invested in them and like come on Let's see some returns boys. It's by everyone's house That's that game. They're playing that game

They're playing the let's see some returns game. Yes. Yeah, and meanwhile Two wars people are dying to you're trying to protect parks you fucking dumbass How many parts you think we protected with this podcast We did the one in Austin they tried they fought back They saved it do you think we had anything to do with that no no Yeah, I think anyone protecting a park would actually hate the fuck out of us If you're out protecting a park I did get some of the other day. They were like hey man. I used to play tenants under the Williamsburg Bridge all the time

I appreciate what you tried to do Whatever who who bought it like how did they sell it? How'd they steal the park? They said they have to Actually make change it up instead of having homeless guys Of course yeah, it's the one park in America without it was the home by the river like a different thing Yeah, and so they're just like fixing it with public funds And then they'll sell it off when they don't when the public funds run out Then they'll then they'll build the high rises of the present Parker brothers. Yeah, so it's just like a slow theft Yeah, it was like three thousand trees that cut down

It's massive it was the best place Okay, who signed off the big outside yeah, yeah, that empathy. How is that okay? Who signed off the thing outside? Yeah? Yeah, that's gone now Is that gone? Yeah? Good? I hate it. I'm bomb there Who signed off on that like the Blasio and and Carlino Rivera I Feel you don't know what the fuck you don't know I do On this one you know name shit. He knows how to protect the park. I'll tell you that I don't know if he does I just wore shirt You hurt the movement you did you're the worst guy to be the

Really? I know nothing about anything. Yeah, just read have one headline. I'm like no guys. It's important. You got to recycle Well, who wasn't for Teddy Roosevelt making national parks like who knows what they would have done with like Yosemite Don't want it up for sure. Yeah, they would turn all those fucking beautiful places condos best pro shop Fucking chick-fil-a Central Park would not exist. Yeah, all it had been gone along to it's amazing They killed that park though. It's amazing that people let them kill your park They say they got to redo it in case there's flooding I think didn't they have in case there's flooding kill killed three thousand fucking trees And they have to kill a black neighborhood to make a park we need to protect neighborhoods

Well, that's not why did they do that? No, this is a cross across. Oh really? Oh, they did yeah, that's right They took over a whole neighborhood think they had to tear down some black and immigrant neighborhoods Well, they definitely do that for to make all of Central Park the probably the upper half Wow I thought it was already actually probably lower half. It was small back then Built during the Great Depression by homelessness Clear them out Was already pretty good. No, it was before that. There was a...

Wow. Whoa, look at that! Bro, Central Park is amazing. Every time I'm in New York and I get a hotel that like overlooks it, I'm like, God damn, does it look right? You get high, walk around there. It's incredible. It's all we got for trees.

How sketchy is it though? No, it's not. It's not bad. That shit all changed. When did it change changed like in the like 90s or something I moved to New York I was worried about it and Neil Brennan was like I was like I don't know if they have bars on my windows because pro look at the stats you're talking about an old New York but I'm talking

about now with the immigrant crisis then Central Park I feel like you don't know that I feel like you don't see it in New York the immigrant thing oh they're out there they're my neighbor they live me you see a big difference. They're usually dressed like fucking Elmo They're in fucking Times Square dressed like a fucking sesame character And you catch that helmet coming off Disneyland where someone caught Minnie Mouse taking a cigarette break Holy shit, it's a picture at Disneyland where someone caught Minnie Mouse taking a cigarette break. It's Mexican Way to cross the border nobody's gonna stop Pokemon

A lot of them are uber eats drivers. I think a big one That. That's a big one on bikes. You can be an Uber Eats driver and you don't have to have any kind of license? No, nothing. No, there's drive scooters. You drive a Vespa on a fucking sidewalk, that's electric one that's silent. That's right. It cracks on waiting.

They sneak up on you when you're driving a bike and you're like, I think I'm all clear. And then they're just on you. I thought of a video for the group, dude. You guys are gonna like it. Yeah, it's wild out there. Those poor guys though's those those poor guys though those poor Mexican guys are on a bike in the winter and everybody's at

home you know any time it rains are like Mexicans come bring me yes I don't want to go out in this I want to go two doors down chicken parm for them it's either that or be under the grip of the cartel hey what about that president, the lady? Yeah, crazy. She killed like 20 people or 20 people died to get to her? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I only read a half an article. Thirty-seven people were assassinated during the general elections all throughout Mexico. See, we're not so bad. Yeah, so it's all sorts of different roles.

City councilor, mayor, this, that. So during the elections, 37 people got assassinated. Assassinated. Wow. Not like suicides. Shot. Our president just died naturally. Biden's on the way out. In office. He's still kicking.

He's running again. What's not something a president died in office? Not of assassination. Oh, that's a good question. I don't think it's ever happened. The guy with the pneumonia. Oh, that got everybody. It wasn't Harrison.

Grover Cleveland? No. Taft was fat. Taft was a big dog. It was something about Taft was fat. Taffy, Taffy. Now he looks like a normal guy. What do you think the odds are of Biden making it to November? If he was now, I'd be like, just chubby.

What do you think the odds are of Biden still being on a ticket in November He's not coming off the ticket is he they're gonna slide so should have done that already. I feel like They would have done that by now. I don't know if they can keep this up There's been some latest ones some latest gaffes. What are you doing over there, buddy? I'm just trying to find this bull hitting this lady that you're gonna like The one that got loose Sorry, I'll stop doing it and it's like I'm proud to be an American Oh well, Frank it was all was gonna go as long as we're proud to be in America

Where at least I know I'm free and the bull jumps over the fucking yeah, it's the group Yeah, it starts smashing people they picked up that lady and just kept Crushed a lady that was just She's wearing a red shirt Got what I was googling what was I googling Dementia who is the president died of pneumonia given his inauguration speech? Reagan Harding hair Harrison. I don't know why I'm saying Harrison. Harrison was 1841, 68. Just his natural causes.

1923 and 45. Did he die in office? Harrison, Taylor, Harding, and Roosevelt all died in office. I think Harrison was the one who gave a speech. He was like, I'm gonna show everyone. It was like 30 degrees in raining and he fucking died. They were like a got that inaugural speech

Woah They were the long speeches with those presidents Maybe he wanted to die If he lived in 1841 there was no medicine, he might want to die too Those guys always give like 3 hour speeches and get shot Not Joey Did Lincoln give like, when they were doing debates, he did like 6 hour debates Yeah, Lincoln Douglas debates

It's like Chappelle Yeah They're really trying to hash it out Lincoln give like when they were doing debates you like six-hour debates like Shappell They're really trying to hash it out One month in office cut a cold developed in pneumonia April 4th 1841 he died Those were the days they don't they've had emergency with him died the wig program. What's the wig program? Yeah, what's that the wigs was Democrats Republicans and wigs? What the wigs I it was Democrats Republicans and wigs wigger legs? Well hey the wigs I think they know nothing party also Who cares?

Fire up that bull hitting that fucking lady Yeah Going after that black dude in the ghetto the whole happened some black do like ghettoish black dude is like Like burglary up or whatever on this front lawn and some Karen's like you know you're not getting this neighborhood And she he goes get that fucking camera off my face, and she goes it's my constitutional right to film He just goes and punches her Holy shit there it is so this is the bull out Got her on the hook. Oh my gosh. She's she's doomed you'd see the thong

Oh that guy's filming and then decides I should help her. on the hook oh my god she's she's doomed you'd see the thong the guy filming and then decides I should help her. When the rodeo bull escaped the ring during the Sisters Rodeo but if you see the escape the escape is what's exciting. She's just talking to her friend. Red Bull. Yeah she first got out. Good Bull Bull. Yeah see get it when it first got out I saw me get hurt. That poor lady. Yeah. It's sad. Yes. But what makes me laugh is when I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free And the bull's like, oh fucking free! Wait that was just actually playing? That wasn't dubbed in? No, actually playing Here it is

Oh Oregon! I don't want to hear these people yapping There's a video where it just shows the bull doing it It's harder to find the actual video you want once, like, I'm just Googling, you know Bull escaping I can send it all the clips and everything the bull escaping has shocking video I know there it is right here give me some volume he's got a plan so I started from the beginning Oh

Wait there's a great what the fuck listen for the what the fuck Oh, she's wearing a red shirt you're right Oh, yeah, he ran around for a while. Oh my god. What the fuck? Damn. Goddamn. He's like, oh, no line at concessions. It's just so hilarious that that's a song that's playing. Yeah. I'm proud to be in America where at least I know I'm free.

Fucking leveled by the bull. The bull got excited like it was the Rocky theme. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. I'm fucking going for it. He got out, he's like, where's that bitch at? His name was Party Bus. Party Bus! The bull's called Party Bus.

Oh my god, that was in Oregon. You know, Oregon is all like a red state and then Portland. Yeah, yeah. And Eugene. Capital lesbians. Is all like a red state and then portland yeah, yeah, and eugene Lesbians the rest of it's like rural hunters and shit that's most of America like that to louisiana Colorado's like that, but these places the cities get so populated right that they just overwhelmed voting like in colorado They just reintroduce wolves and the ranchers are like what do you do? What do you reintroduce they reintroduce wolves they released wolves in? Colorado for the first time like wolves used to live all over the place. We killed them because they're a real problem

Yeah, but the wolves are a real problem. They kill kids they kill people they kill dogs They kill all your livestock. You don't control the population of them, they're fucking dangerous. The Soviet Union and Germany had a ceasefire in World War I to kill wolves. Because they were in the middle of killing each other and it was, the wolves were killing so many people, they decided to have a fucking ceasefire and then they killed wolves together and then they went back to killing each other Yeah, or palace that's how scary wolves are and these fucking jackasses just release them into Colorado Because they're amazing because if you live in some beautiful neighborhood with like cement streets

You don't think about that there should be wolves Wolves are incredible that you don't even know what a wolf is That's Little Red Riding Hood. That shit's real There's a reason why that was in every little kid's book because they ate people. They ate people Wolves ate people. They ate dogs. So it was an allegory to stay away from them? Yeah, they're fucking dangerous Wolves are fucking dangerous, man. Gators aren't going anywhere. I had a friend that got surrounded by wolves He killed an elk and the elk where they were the elk died was like right next to the wolves den And so they went to retrieve the elk and the wolves started circling them He told my friend John Dudley he killed two of them with a bow and arrow and his friend killed one of them with a

Rifle the wolves kept rushing them Dudley more just imagine So what do you do? He killed him? He killed one of them with a rifle. The wolves kept rushing them. Dudley Moore. Just imagine. So what'd he do? He killed them, he killed two of them, and his friend killed one, and then they fucking ran off, because wolves luckily don't have an understanding of how many rounds someone has in a rifle, because they were out of bullets,

and he had like one arrow left. And there was like 10 wolves, and they killed three of them. Damn! That's a bad way to go. Bro, and it came real, it's a bad way to go, bro It came it got real close like they were running at them and they were shooting them from of the wolf is you got one In your sights and there's another one behind you. Yeah, you know yeah

There well they what they did was they stood their back to a tree Yeah, and so they're like literally standing with the whole tree back. We gotta get rid of these trees bark bark Norman That's that's the real reason for the park being down. They're gonna reach juice wolves You imagine that running all through the trees that's actually a good battle Bums versus the fucking Immigrant population gets too dense that's a some other much a Coliseum right there's a lobo kind of the bums Yeah, I guess a lion

They brought in coyotes a long time ago coyotes here in New York City, but they're a problem, too Yeah, they're real problem. They'll eat your cat. They'll eat your kid There's a gun woodland hills the video of him his kid getting stolen from by coyotes That's good to know yeah, good way to get rid of a little baby like a toddler. He did go ate his baby Yeah, well, there's no abortion here grabbed it and started running with it And he chased after the coyote the coyote drops the kid and like fuck. Oh, he saved it Yeah, he saved his kid. Ah bummer Very expensive that type of things not funny. He's just trying too hard to be shocking.

Is that the video of the alligator killing the old lady? What? She's walking her dog right by the, you see him, it's like a log coming fast and then the lady calls like, they got her, they got the lady. It's like, I don't know, she's gone. That's horrible. When I was a kid I lived in Gainesville, Florida and there's alligators all over the place and a lady's dog got snatched up while I was there This lady was walking her dog by the water the dogs like sniffing around and this alligator just do better the water

I grabbed a fuck also dogs will go They'll see the alligator to go right up to it and bark at it right like though This doesn't work on this little white like poodle looking dog. The alligator just snatched it right in front of everybody. Damn. You know you can only kill him by shooting him right in the top of the head. It's the only way to kill a gator. You can stab it, kick it, shoot it, tase it, nothing.

Wow. Gotta hit it right in the noggin. You ever watch swamp people? Yeah, they pull it up on the boat and just execute it. That's not totally true. People bow hunt alligators and you shoot them through the ribs. Oh really?

Yeah, yeah, that can't be the only way to kill it. Well, that's all these guys know. You can fucking cut it in half. There's a couple different ways to kill them. I mean, if you're out there. They're so tough. They might have a buzz saw. They're so tough. You blow it up. That's true. They were around before the dinosaurs. They're like while the dinosaurs existed alligators in some form, at least crocodiles in some form were alive. They say they never die. Like if you just let it live, it'll just keep going. Yeah. Yeah, they just keep getting bigger. Wow. Yeah.

What the fuck, dude? It's like Trump. Can't stop it. He's getting bigger. I'm trying to arrest him. He just got on keto, started Started doing tests doing some growth hormone Taking a lot of creatine doing bodyweight squats and fucking deadlifts, and he would die see Trump's All these baits gets off fucking McDonald's and Diet Coke. He's dead Probably lived at 78. Yeah, amazing

God, but it doesn't drink fucking old everybody's so fucking old we looked at the other day the founding fathers How old they were the 28 18? Yeah, one of the founding fathers 18. That's why they were like Ben Franklin was 80. He was 40 White wigs yeah, they weren't that old man. It's crazy and the people that we have run in this country are all the shit Wow, yeah, what are we doing? What are we doing? Nobody wants to do it? You don't want to do it. I don't want to do it No, no young people want to do that job unrelated. There's just unrelated They have no like understanding what it's like to be living but give RFK a shot. He's he's ripped I like I like RfK a lot and then I was I was taking a shit this morning

I was looking at my phone and it was RFK talking to like two birds on his porch Oh, no. He's got a raven. God damn it. He's got a pet raven. Don't film this dude. Come on, I like that. He's a falconer too. Look, I get it. I like it. I like it made me like them. I like those birds. I think they're cool birds Come on, bro. But what's he saying like vaccine shit to the birds? No, he's talking- Don't get the shot. He feeds the birds and they become his friend. Oh, alright. Yeah, he's being friends with birds on camera. Don't do that. That makes me nervous.

I like him. I think he's clearly the most sane of our options. But he talked about... Talking to birds on the porch was... Is there a possible way that he could win? No. No way. No chance.

Yeah, not this time. He could start it over again for the next one, right? Yeah, but it's an as an independent can anybody really win? No, not the system We have it just won't allow and not a Kennedy. He's gonna get clipped. Is it family, right? But is it? Is it just that? What they won't allow it or that no one has ever really hit the kind of popular? I think it's like trying to know is it and it let's imagine he could win they could win right he's already already big but it's like member UHF none of those UHF shows could be as big as two to two to 11 good

and damn you went old school you forgot what that meant yeah he's too young there was like a secondary channel system yeah well I bet he'll was on I tell you was on Doctor who was on there? Star Trek next-generation But those could never even if they were the most popular shows it was oh people just didn't go to it Remember Dark Shadows with Barnabas Collins? No, no, it was a vampire show that was on UHF. Well is that public access? It's just like not ABC NBC or CBS, but it wasn't cable either. It's kind of like AM. Yeah It was like shitty local channels like local Boston channels You said ultra high frequency radio for those air transmissions and television signals

Yeah, that's very well used to have fucking you put tin foil on your thing to make the signal come in better mm-hmm People at all these wacky fucking antennas Sacrifice like someone's got to hold it because if you're not touching it we can't see the game Hold the thing in place and some guys would get these bomb-ass antennas you'd go by Mike's house like Yeah, my god his TV must be crystal clear. He gets shows from Myanmar I remember the first time I ever saw a satellite dish was bigger than this fucking table some dude had a satellite dishes backyard I go. What are you doing with this? He goes I get TV from Japan How are you getting to ever watch a brick and Morty or do you just like

Time ago man. This is in like the 90s this guy had a giant-ass dish in his backyard He was getting like international television shows, but he's not watching any of those shows. He's still watching just fucking I don't know what he was watching I just know this dude invested in a fucking dish that took up like One-eighth of his backyard damn. I do the dishes are all over you go to the roof in New York There's like seven dishes right there, but those aren't those usually small like the direct TV. Yes Yeah, smaller the funny thing is even third world countries. You see like just a concrete shack, but they got their dish You know what you want just announced? They just announced those Starlink setups

that you could take in a backpack. Like it's like the size of a laptop. So anywhere you go in the world, you could take one of these Starlinks, set it up, and you will have wireless internet where you could stream 4K movies. No way. Yep. High speed, wireless internet, the size of a backpack. He fucked that tribe in Africa. He fucked that can escape in Africa fucked a tribe well He wants kids I know that he likes kids, but no no he wants to have kids Elon yeah, he's got a bunch, but I'm not saying you can't say he likes kids not stay in age He gotta be clear. He went to Africa and gave him the internet, and they fucked him up. Oh, it wasn't Africa

It was the Amazon. Yeah On contact America. Oh, yeah, they started whacking off. Yeah Yeah, they're not they're not equipped for we're not equipped for it. They're definitely not equipped for it What's crazy is this tribe does not even allow public displays of affection like kissing What and then all of a sudden in whatsapp messages? They were sending porn to each other and so the tribe leader was like what the fuck is this? Yes, they're all just sitting around scrolling on their phones Yeah, I mean why not if you just discovered point there was no porn and that's how they does porn right gonna happen

It's gonna you give someone a phone give him a connection let him know porn drill I mean when the iPhone came out it was like can you get porn on that right like I can get in the inner Can you get porn on that was the first question I know what yeah, that's what we do That's back when it was a like you could go Wi-Fi and cellular cellular wasn't good enough right yeah You couldn't really watch YouTube back then it was just too sketchy. There's no apps yeah anything for that stuff But it was like I could go on You know bang bus calm Get one party bus well you know those cave drawings have dicks like they're they're doing porn then oh, yeah

Oh, there's a bunch of old porn that exists like in like ancient Egyptian porn like hieroglyphic porn They're watching it to get off people ancient Greek porn like big heart dicks banging girls doggy style Yeah, was it like let me show you what people are doing was it for like eroticism. I think it's for eroticism Yeah, what was it like pottery Jamie who was bringing that up? It wasn't primer or rescue Do you remember what was was bringing up like all the Egyptian? Dibble wasn't it frint flint dibble? He's an archaeologist Turin erotic papyrus oldest known depiction of human sexuality

It's not really like porn is that people boning in that picture Erotic papyrus oldest known depiction of human sexuality there you go. That's a depiction It's not really like porn is that people boning in that picture. Oh Look at that. That's what it looked like animals boning. They all have dogs There you go. I mean look if you only live to be 20 years old back then It's probably all people thought about like get your nuts off before you get your head chopped off If we get fucking slaughtered by the neighboring tribe. Oh, what a hellscape life must have been like back then. I know, but they were probably happier than us.

No, that's nonsense. I don't know. Not us. We're having a good time. We're all banged up. Yeah, but who fucking has more fun than us us? Well, that's different. We're living a life. But we're alive in the same time. Like this, what we're doing is possible for other folks.

In other jobs folks in other jobs In other ways of life like but the whole thing is like finding great groups people having a good old time chuck one of those this way We can bring back America we're trying to stop now, but we can we can bring back on dude we got the song Oh, are you back? Oh hell? Yeah? Yeah. I think it's time to get a little round I think we need to get I need that bong, please Oh, yeah, oh we got two. We got double we got double eagle bongs. That's a bad idea What is this the beginning of the career? Look at that. Look at that heart on that guy. That's a ridiculous dick Really? You're just a kid? I've seen yours. You're alright. Thank you, but that seems like you would hurt somebody. Yeah

Thank you very nice way that cold ones dude Joe's I saw that my dick evaporates of course That thing is still good for you Joe. Thank you. It's so on it on the side, which a lot was weird Contractual obligation what have a giant on it on the side of my cock. Part of the deal. To rep the kettlebells. America! America! Wait, fine. Oh shit, I'm done. Here we go. One more time. We're still number one, dude. We are number one. We're number one even if we lose. True.

It's awfully cold. Oh my god. That's fun. Oh my god. That's fun. That's fun. Hell yeah. And we're back. I'm tired of people saying America sucks, dude. America sucks. Well, you know what man?

What's going on there? We're just being gay lately, but that's alright. This is what it is. This is a declining empire. No it's not, dude. Stop. We could come back. We're gonna dip a little.

We're gonna come back. I disagree. I see videos all the time of people using this fucking eagle at the barbecues oh we put it on America rules America rules also go to another country no no no no no no we rule we're the best but the world's fucked the civilizations fucked I don't know we're getting a little weird and queefy with the China's buying all our farms and our very dangerous very dangerous digital control all of it very dangerous. We're gonna get to a point in our lifetimes where We're gonna make a choice between AI or no freedom

Freedom what do you mean AI is gonna govern things or You're gonna have human beings governing things and the tightness and the grasp that they're gonna have on your ability to do anything It's gonna be so great that all freedoms will be gone, innovation will be stifled, giant corporations will control everything and they'll act like totalitarian governments. They're already trying to do that. They're trying to silence people on social media and do all kinds of things to obscure facts and put out bullshit narratives. They're doing that right now and they have the power to do that and if they get bigger they're gonna do're doing that right now, and they have the power to do that and if they get bigger They're gonna do it more But you know I was like this though doesn't throughout history everybody's always thought this

Yep, no matter what they've been like this is it this is the end this is we're done We're not in the 50s. They were living life. Well that was they just got done. That's right They won the entire world, but they had a nice chill moment They won the entire world, but they had a nice chill moment Two years after gay marriage was legal and the gays were like alright. We'll calm down now. We saw an asyrian tablet There was an asyrian tablet from like 2900 BC and it was talking about how the end of the world's close and everything's falling Shit was falling apart. Yeah, yeah, if you look at, watch, like, think of any time throughout history, it sucked.

Sucked. Of course. Just actually look around, and everything's sucked, and it's all going to shit. And you look around, and you're like, well, it looks pretty good. And then we went back on Mother's Ship last night. We had a great show.

Had a couple of cocktails. Had a lot of laughs. We did Bottom of the Barrel for a half an hour. Shaded out. Yeah, that was a good one. You guys were on for a half an hour That was but also you know what's funny is they definitely did this exact same thing back then like three drinks down Yeah, three watch out and a liquor here. That's bad. I see it one shot

That's Ron white tequila. I know I'm trying to run word stuff. He says there's no one. I I say it. No that's not true. He's lying to you. I agree. There's no hangover in this tequila at all. That's not true. It doesn't even drink. Ron doesn't drink at all. Oh it's a miracle? It's an elixir? Yeah exactly. Major elixir of life. So Joe said he said it heart to heart with Ron White said you gotta switch to silver tequila it'll change your life and he goes it did change my life and I'm like, DeRosa, you're an alcoholic. And that changed your life. DeRosa fucking, don't you dare call that. It's switching to silver tequila changed your life. I'm an alcoholic. And Broadway is sober. And alcoholics. Such disdain in your voice. Yeah, DeRosa rules, dude. Don't you dare get in his head that he's an alcoholic

because he will stop drinking with me. I take it back, Joe, I take it back. I didn't mean that at all. You're the best drunk. He's Austin's newest resident. We must defend him. Hey, you got another one. We got another one. I didn't mean that He's Austin's newest resident We got another one another one on a man. I love draw one of the firemen out there whatever you what are those guys? my shades

You can go grab them go run out there. I don't lose anything. I bet you have to pee I got nothing no Yeah, you want Ari's you want you want to wear Ari's? Thanks. Yeah Do you feel more comfortable this way? I just yeah, it's a little hidden Yeah, I did a whole podcast with them with Dylan. Yeah big crazy square sunglasses that ladies were Yeah, it's nice. You wear those you hide yeah, you talk some shit. It's fun to stare at checks in New York with them on Oh, you're such a creeper the way you said it She's with that go to coming out of a tunnel Fun to stare at chicks in New York with them on. Oh, you're such a creeper the way you said You said no, it's actually a bad yes, we should have oh we do have a tremor Michael Jordan does it He could do it Michael Jordan. No, he could do it. I wore I had a lot on a podcast Legion skates had to wear Hitler mustache of all their pubes oh Dave Lewis and big that's not nice

that's not very fun it was not I agree it was not very I didn't like that oh you finally spun the wheel I spun the wheel it was eat a goldfish they made you think there's ever gonna be a time where the Hitler mustache is coming back no yes same with Adolf Adolf's fucked to it. I'm fucked right off is out Adolphus Adolphus bush. Hey look at that. Here we go I'm so bad you can smell difference in their pubes to who had the best smell in pubes Dave You know you like Dave's pubes. I don't like I heard you liked them. You said they smell good

It's just didn't smell as bad as Lewis's. I heard you liked them. You said they smelled good. God his ass. God his ass. I heard you said they smelled like fresh basil. I lost a bet. Oh wow yeah you look like it. I couldn't breathe. Yeah but in all fairness you did take a shit

in a Tupperware and fucking open it up on stage in front of them. Shittler. That's right. Shittler. That's right My friends called their mom shitler, there's three brothers and they would chant they go mother shit And then one day they spray-painted shitler on the side of her work Those guys are animals work It's pretty funny though Those guys are animals To if a crime is committed does the first guys had question by the way those guys that goes in the

Hate crime stats even though it's just no we were mom shit. Anything like that like well That's a nice. We were out and then we would drive the van We were kids and when they would go to work we would drive the van we were kids and when they would go to work We would take the van we were children driving this van around And then we would take it off We would take it into like a field and just drive it around that one time I was I wasn't in it and I watched them hit like a hill and the entire bottom of the shittler van fell out fell out. I was like, holy shit, where'd it go? Run, run! We put it in neutral and pushed it back into the driveway and then nothing happened. That mother shitler came home.

Oh no! Heine, heine, heine! He started the car and was like, what the fuck's going on? Oh my god. Well that was, you kids were feral back then. You just did crazy shit. I remember one time I got blackout drunk. I was out with my friends all night. They brought me back home. They put me on the porch and they shot me with paintballs. And they shot my whole front of my house.

And my dad came out in a robe and he had like a Nam flashback and he flipped out. Remember donuts? You guys do donuts as soon as it snows. Just go to the local high school. Go to the parking lots, do donuts. Parking lots or a football field and then just wait for the cops to show up.

Remember how much snow ruled before fucking gay ass global warming Snow at all in New York anymore no no the whole last year we got almost none Last year there was a little I think the year before there was zero yeah, no snow, bro It's real or like a quick dusting, but no like shutting down everything to I drove by Lake Travis out here knows the big lake There's like 40% capacity, but yeah, dude. It's great. Oh, it's gone 60% of its missing oh That's a bummer bro. It's not I know it's fun to be based and red-pilled on these podcasts But global warming might be real. It didn't snow for fucking five years. Here's the thing it is definitely

Real thing yeah secretly Wow you went with no music You guys are having a conversation It's it's definitely real the question is like how much of it is because of us and how much of this green? Deal stuff is just bullshit where people are trying to make money and control people? Well, that's all yes things are happening simultaneously So like there is some yeah, there is some sort of a change in the climate But then also when you look at the level of carbon in the atmosphere It's it's like the amount of it is not that much. It's not I don't think it's the major issue and there

What is the issue the world gets hotter? the amount of it is not that much. I don't think it's the major issue. What is the issue? The world gets hotter. There's never a static temperature for Earth. From 65 million years ago to today, when they do core samples, it does this. All throughout history. The question is how much of an impact do we have on it?

We know we're having some impact. That's what they know. These are snowfall totals for Central Park over the last, I mean it goes back wild, but these are just the last 25 years. 2.3 and 7.5, those are the lowest two. Those are the last two years at the bottom, but it's been low before. Yeah, 2.5 in 2019, 2006, yeah it's low there. 4.8 just a couple years ago. 2.6 in 2006.

Oh that's just January, you're looking at December. 0.2 in 2011. No 2011. No, you're looking just a month. The totals are on the right side. Oh say I'm sorry Yeah, two point three. Yeah, it's been high. It's been low. It's been up and down If you make some crazy decisions that are going to destroy the economy You make some wild decisions that are going to destroy the economy and enrich giant corporations But nothing changes because it just keeps going up and down you got to be fucking careful Yeah, because eggheads are not in India China and India are not going to go on It's all a bore right now and their economy is going to grow because of it China went crazy though on environment

We're talking about they just built 200 new coal powered plants. Whoa! I thought they were cleaning up all their pollution. No, they're talking shit. They have concentration camps. They're making new coal plants. Well because their coal was so bad, they're like, we gotta do something here. They figured out some ways to mitigate that, and they're also developing gigantic filters.

So they're like the size of an apartment building. Wow. Woo! Yeah. I read the China coal plant thing one time. It said they're making a bunch, but they're all smaller. Yeah, whatever. Like, little tiny one, my friend. More efficient is all I mean. Like smaller, but more efficient. But it doesn't matter. They're still making coal plants. Like coal plants, no matter what the fuck you do, you're burning burning coal you're releasing particulates and that shit gets over cars There's that where was it in, Indiana is that where it was we saw that documentary on this one area that has three coal plants

Within like a 30 mile radius and these people's cars have like a thin like black sooty layer on them So you're breathing that in you go jogging outside. You're just taking in particulates I mean I my family's from like the coal region in Pennsylvania. It's rough dude, Centralia, bro You ever hear about that place ever heard of it. It's still on fire a coal mine caught on fire We've had the videos on the show multiple times. It's been on fire since the 50s or something What I'm burning up there. It's fun to go up there. It's just an abandoned area silent hill It's fucking kind of scary the coal caught fire underground I'm not scared though

And there's so much coal that the coal stayed on fire forever. I don't get scared What about the Palestine, Ohio didn't they have something? No that was a spill that was a railroad tracks Yeah, that's bad. That wasn't even a problem dude. Don't worry about it It could burn for another 250 years for the exhaust the coal supply. Centrally the rules. Want to see a video? It's fucking nuts. There's like holes in the ground smoke is coming out of the ground like it's hell. They abandoned everything. They had abandoned the whole town.

The never ending fire. So the whole town is stuck and so everybody had to move out of the town. And as the thing got bigger Yeah, you're dream. You're breathing toxic fumes all day Everybody had just bail. Oh, it's funny Shane Torres was headlining Sentra the centralia comedy no Harrisburg comedy zone and I was hosting and I was like you want to go see centralia And we went in between shows. It was nice how far I decided it's probably like

40 minutes north Yeah, wow it's fun going with the band and what does it smell like when you're outside? You know notice it, but but then every once while you see a crack in the ground with smoke Can you like no way this is crazy to put a grate over it throw some burgers down? They did somebody drew a bunch of dicks on a highway for like a mile straight. It's pretty fun spray-painted abandoned highway with dicks speaking of hamburgers on the grill Did you see that photo of Chuck Schumer grilling in his backyard with like raw hamburgers and no fire? He deleted it. What take a photo like them?

It's so nice to be it out here grilling burgers was he had like a photo shooting a fake thing Yeah, so the grill was not on the burgers were fucking like old gray looking burgers Yeah, he's got like a smile on his face. It's like this. It's it's almost like an AI picture We got the shot go back inside this is it so like there's no heat at all in that grill Look down at the grill the cheese Try to find fire. There's no no smoke. Nothing's happening. That's not the best picture I've seen a more high resolution photo of it online and as you get in there like there's no fire I think Chuck Schumer lives like that with his neighbors right next to him. These have burb unless those are fake

Those are good dogs Great the burgers are trouble. Yeah, the burgers are bullshit What's going on with the dogs decent tits though Who drew that? Actually a pretzel In on that Jamie that's a good fun. I can't get any closer. Okay find a better photo There's a little higher resolution. I thought that was fire too, and I zoomed in it looks like a pretzel That's stuck between the greats. he's got his readers on the right check to see I might be wrong I don't think I

am though see if you can find a more high resolution photo as you zoom in I thought it was fire like oh the fires underneath there he just put the burgers down those wieners are right out of the package. They come like that. The people making fun of them. Join the fight for peace. He just goes, no thanks. First of all, that's the grill marks you have on that patty. You don't know how to fucking cook a hamburger. You flip that to a really...

Goddamn communist. Because you're cooking a hamburger only for TV or for the internet. You're not really cooking a hamburger to eat. Yeah. I can't respect your fake game. Think about, like, think about what you're not really cooking a hamburger to eat Yeah, I can't respect your fake game think about like Who grails when you see like comedians do the social media route think of bad politicians like Comedians are like people around you being like dude. That's fucking lame number that down At the border crying yeah, and it was like you know

You see condoleezza whatever than the vice president is no whoever the way Kamala Harris She's clapping and singing along to a song that was like yeah, burn America down She's a dumb bitch, and she's like yeah, and then someone had an informer They're actually yelling out Kamala Harris is a dumb bitch. That's gotta hurt. She's like, oh. Well, that's not nice at all. Well, let's keep moving. Let's keep moving.

It's like when you think you're killing at the mothership. And you're repeating jokes. You were killing. You were killing and repeating jokes at the same time. They're hiding that lady. What was the last time you saw her? Yeah. I think she's sucking out some of Joe Biden's dementia

Jimmy Kimmel doing that thing with Barack Obama and Joe Biden What are they doing like Jimmy Kimmel is doing like shows with them? He brings them out and they do like a show like a fundraiser. Yes sitting on a stage Yeah, in a theater and then Obama has to walk Joe Biden off the stage Imagine if they just change the rules and said you could keep running if you win There's no term limits anymore. This is a crazy job It's very hard to do and Obama decides to run again. He'd be like oh he wins like that Joe step out Obama wins like that Oh, yeah, people like that they just change that law if they just change that love

I'm now lost all his hey, I'm friends with Obama cred bro. He's always I'm a competent human being who's not dying. It's crazy going a rural Australia talking people like how do you how do you rate? Joe Biden and I was like, I don't rate them at all. I don't fall politics. No, I know He's got some problems, too. They had like a men behaving badly claws or whatever. You see that Pull it up There was something about how they're like we got to redefine men and change everything, but they went woke they went hard Yeah, you never would have thought never with the problem Is the type of people that get into office are always nuts and those type of people are the people that are like gonna get the

University kids behind them and push a push a progressive Just politics. Yeah, Australia's not woke Australia's not your right. You're right. It's not Australia. It's Australia politics is woke It's the Florida of the world, but it's always a fucking tyrannical few that are opposing People being able to just do whatever the fuck they want if you Australian people are wild. They're fun people They're talking about maybe what is it? Oh? Australia's men behavior change program. That's it. Yeah Behavior change program services for men

Behavior towards a female partner including violence course of control and if this doesn't involve mushrooms Then they should shut the fuck up you got to take classes or something. Yeah, that's not gonna work. It's a bum the fuck up you got to take classes or something yeah that's not gonna work that's a bummer yeah that would get you through like one five grand Joey Diaz had to take one class and he avoided Seattle for 20 years. He's still in the morning! He's still won't go there! Don't be so rageful as strangers he goes I'll just leave the whole West Coast. In Seattle you could basically do anything they let you right out of jail. It's so crazy and they're getting him for like, what did he do? It was like parental stuff, it was like 70 years ago.

I think he hit a guy. I think a guy, his ex-wife was dating. I think it was one of those things. I feel like you're allowed to hit that guy. It depends on who the guy is, it depends on who you are but I support Joey Diaz staying out of Seattle Seattle doesn't deserve him He should do Spokane though, he's a good Spokane guy Spokane's a shit

You know what else is a shit? Tacoma I did Tacoma with Dave, we did Tacoma Dome That's the biggest show I ever did I saw a monster truck rally there I was doing this Tacoma comedy club, I went to the Tacoma Dome yeah, that's biggest show ever to monster truck rally there Comedy club I went to the Tacoma Dome for a monster truck. I didn't know monster trucks were just for kids Retarded people are allowed to go to true Dave and I broke the attendance record there we did 25,000 people there was a nutty show I ever did we were backstage like right before day But when we first did a first few shows what would happen is I would do my set and Dave would have a DJ in Between he had like this whole thing like DJs

Oh, yeah, people would play in music and shit and so the DJ would introduce him So I got off stage and the DJ starts playing music and Dave and I are standing there He just looks out he goes not a lot of motherfuckers get to do this Wow, we're just looking at it's a a lot of motherfuckers get to do this Wow, we're just looking at it's a fuck such as like one of the coolest moments ever that I still remember The other one was when Dave the audience did not know Dave was gonna go on stage. I was doing I was doing an arena in Columbus with Hinchcliffe, and I think Hans clip Hans nope Hans, no, yeah? Maybe Brian Sibbe? Krim, was it? Was it Hans?

Might have been both of them. Anyway, we're doing this giant ass arena in Columbus and Dave shows up while Tony's on stage and Tony doesn't even know whether or not he's gonna bring up me or Dave. I go, Dave's coming. Cause he said he's here, he's coming. So Tony is thinking he's bringing me up

but I'm walking with Dave up to the stage and the audience realizes at a certain point that Dave's walking the stage. And in it's a minute standing ovation. Damn. Like one solid minute. And me and Tony were just sitting there like, wow, just looking around like, this is amazing. That's right. It's like we were on a drug.

This is, how many times do you get on a drug. Like this is, how many times you get to see like one person generate this kind of love. And just cool to see. Look at this, watch this. This is Tony introducing him. I think we watched this last time. I get to bring up one of my best friends. So he thinks it's me right now.

One of my favorite comedians and two of the best in the world. and two of the best in the world, Anthony... And two of the best in the world. Look at Tony rolling with it instantly. They go bigger when they see him. Bro, one whole minute. That's a Super Bowl. What happened to the video? Tony's so happy. What happened to video Tony so happy what happened the video froze just froze so trust me

It was a super for those people it was one whole minute, and then he points the mic he goes oh It was amazing it's the Tony roll with that fast too cuz he's bringing you up in the middle He goes one my best he goes I'm bringing up one of the greatest comics, and it's instantly, he goes, two of my best friends. He changed like that, he rolled fast. He saw it and it changed. Well, he knew, we had a thing, like if it's Dave, come towards the stage with a light,

so I'll see your cell phone light. So I had the cell phone light, and I was waving it towards him, and he saw the two of us as we were walking up. One of my best friends, two of the best comedians in the world right in that moment. That's cool to think you went from the shitty Boston rooms to that. That's the cool thing about comedy. You can really-

My favorite of those is hosting at The Cellar. She had me host for a while and then she goes, you don't like hosting, do you? I'm like, no, I shouldn't be hosting. But I brought on Louis at his height at like 2016, 2015, and I was like, and we're already friends, but I was like, please pop in, please welcome Louie Sik. And they're so fucking nuts in a 140 seater, and I was like, do they always do this for you?

And he goes, what? I don't even know, I forgot about it. That's fun. When Dave came to the mothership, when the first week it was open, that was the same kind of deal too. We had just started. Yeah, I opened for him.

That's right. I bombed his little boy. No, you did not buy. You're lying, you're lying. Not true. Shane bombed was like an A minus. No, it was. You didn't even remotely bomb.

It was a great set. It was just the first time anyone had ever stepped foot on that stage. You were the first person to talk into that microphone in front of an audience It was you it was a stressful situation because Joe introduced it And then I went up and then I could you could just tell everyone in and it was all just friends Yeah, I mean it wasn't like a regular crowd like it was Chappelle and all his people Rogan back there, and then I got up there. I was like

You're lying. You're lying bring her show we sold the tickets online on Twitter in five minutes I said there's a special show tonight at 1130 come down. I feel like I had like 20 people Uh-uh well. Yeah, he always he always has a lot of people in the back of the place was packed It was 110 people stuffed into the small room and no one knew who the show was I just said It's a special surprise intimate show and the place sold out and so they didn't even know who they were seeing why so they see you Because you wanted to do a little room. I did the big room the night before It just wanted to fuck around and no one had done. He's like cuz he walked in he's like man He's like when are you gonna open up this big room?

And I go you want to do it tomorrow night you want to do it tonight. He's like let's do it So it was like that simple says okay. We're gonna open up the big room so the wait staff everybody's brand new I was just like getting going we'd only been open a day You know I mean maybe a couple days We just let just start fire we started with the whole idea was we're gonna open up once we're gonna do one show We're gonna figure out what happens See how everything goes what we need to tighten up and then do two shows see how that goes So we went with one show a night,

and we said, we're gonna try two shows a night. And then we did a couple of these shows like that, and we never stopped. We never did the break. We just kept going. We kept going with guns brazing. You kept thinking that the rah rah rahness of it would fade away in a month or two,

and it just hasn't at all. Bro, I forget to post images sometimes, the tickets are on sale, and I go, let me go check the website They're fucking sold out like it's really it's it's me and mark did a show last night And they were like I mean they put up a week ago, and then they were like our tickets are on sale this and it's 14 Minutes gone damn that never happens to me. It's crazy. It's Block of cheese would sell out there. There's a bunch of like hardcore comedy fans and they're fucking honest with their laughs

They're honest with their laughs too. They know when you're not Yeah, right. No, they know where you are Like when you really like go for something the thing is they come if you're an audience member you come going like hey It's gonna be a good night and you're gonna leave at minimum going on that one guy was really good the other guy and then they see Someone they suddenly it's like Tim Dillon I'm going oh that one guy was really good the other guy and then they see someone they suddenly it's like Tim Dillon Anybody they know it's like even better. Yeah, bro feel vodka pop the other day. Holy He went on stage. They went crazy It's one of the biggest comics in the world

No one gives a crazy response in Joey Diaz when Joey Diaz went on the other day literally people like bouncing around in the crowd like it was a mosh pit They're all so excited for each other like you and your buddy are there like we did it Yeah Have you gone to Dave's Club? I have not but I will I definitely will I heard his restaurants insane restaurant Yeah, he's got a restaurant connected to it with some amazing five-star chef that he loves that he brought to Yellow Springs to work at his restaurant.

Comedy's in a crazy space. Oh my gosh. It's funny seeing these grown-up children have hundreds of millions of dollars. I know, right? Yeah. Right? It's bizarre.

Damn, well the Brady roast is like, it's crazy to see that much mainstream. Like the biggest quarterback and the biggest comedians are interacting. So Brady Rose was the number one show in Netflix history. Really? And your fucking stupid watch went off at the perfect time. The number one show was Dirty Comedy in the history of Netflix. That's right.

That's it. There you go. The number one show, Nikki Glaser, Andrew Sch Schultz Tony Hinchcliffe everybody going hard hard that was the number one show in Netflix history love it fuck yeah most that was yours all right you hear that Sarandos quick he knows they know he knows okay he sees this is a good man actually he's kind of bro he's a good man yeah he's a good man I saw him backstage I know he was and he was just like looking at me backstage at the forum for Tony and And he's like turns around. I just thought he was some guy and uh, he's like, what are you doing?

I'm like, I'm cutting a hole in Kobe Bryant jersey so I can put my dick through it Who was that guy like he runs Netflix? Two parts special for him. That's true. Do you special a two-part special, but that's comedy That's what I'm supposed to be like therefore. Well. That's what comedy suppose Let it go as wild as it should yes, you got a try The only way you find out what the limits are is you let Brian Holtzman on stage? Oh? You find out what the limits are we got Brian Holtzman on our stage all the fucking time and we have a little tester We have a headline instead of putting him at the end of the night

We have Brian's Brian's headlining. That is the end of the night. In the big room. But no, he's doing regular shows. It's not like a long show where it's two in the morning, you finally get to see him and he goes crazy. No, he does whatever the fuck he wants. But that's how, when we started, that's where he was. Tommy relegated him.

He used to be just somewhere towards the end, but still like second, third. Thank you, sir. But he is so, I didn't know who he was, cause I was in LA. So you see him, he's like in a polo shirt buttoned up with tacky pants. Dark skin suit. Yeah, I'm like who the fuck is this guy? Is there another show, another song that we can go with other than that? What's another one?

How about that one that the bull ran out to? Yeah, that's a good one. Thank you Ari. Perfect. Perfect answer. Hey Ari. I'm trying to be in America so at least I silly? So no free Jamie, please cue it up Lisa

Norman you're not even really Jewish right now Everyone thinks I'm a Jew key this come on. I'm kind of suckin. Oh you want to do it with us you want a knife I got a knife. I'll do it there Well you got shotgunning? Norman that's better than the eagle. I like a shotgun shut your fucking dirty communist mouth This is the right in the middle interesting here we go Are you gonna? Why are you gonna cut his mouth with that fucking terrible shitty job? Yeah? Yeah? What are you doing? Wait no, sorry you don't drink out of the front. You did yeah, what are you doing?

No, sorry you don't drink on the front you don't drink out of no you don't all right drink out of the hole Yeah, you fucking idiot fair enough. You need you doubted though. You doubted yourself for a second. I did yeah You son of a bitch you said such confidence. I almost believed it there you go Mr.. Norman he needs his lips Sweet sweet listen jagged edge dude fuck this no no shut the fuck up. I'm proud to be an American. I am honestly I am Here we go Here we go No! Oh, what the?

We're still number one. We're number one. Well, listen. Sorry. How? We're number one in comedy. Oh, yeah. I'm gluten tolerant. By a long stretch.

Suck it, England. Finish it, Norman. Oh, you UK bitches, sit down. Finish it. Mark. Do it. There's a little left. Ah, you should have seen how much sport. Mark's spe suck it England. Oh, yeah, you can't bitches sit down finish it Mark do it Use it out. They gotta do it Every direction Big hole if we go down boys, we're gonna go down having a good ass. Yeah, everybody dies

But not everybody looks we going to get in that bunker. We're going to have new suits. I've thought about the bunker. I thought about sitting there. LaMare lives with me. I thought about being like, bunk it up. And being like, can I go? Maybe go on.

I don't know, dude. You're like, LaMare, this place is yours now. Like, will LaMare fall apart? LaMare, you're a real meaty man. Would he fall apart in the bunker? Would he eat all the crackers? He would eat a lot of the. He would be hurly. He'd be hurly sneaking off for food. He would go about. Things like crackers. Let me your real money on the bunker would eat all the crackers he would eat a lot of

He'd be hurly sneaking off for food Things like crackers you're gonna need like sustaining food you need stuff that lasts on a shelf forever Look and just keep you alive tuna, and you need iodine tablets. You need a lot of iodine You need tablets you can drop in regular water so you could drink it It's gonna taste like shit, but you're gonna have to drink it just to stay alive. You might have to drink your own piss. And we need to kill ourselves. No. No, we need to start eating assholes.

Too late. I'm on it. We'll fight it when we catch a shitty person, we gotta eat him. Yeah, that's the way to go. You ever eatin' people? Not yet. What? Well, I mean. Yeah, that's the way to go. You ever eat people not yet What well I mean I wanted to eat a coyote once these coyotes were telling my chicken, and I had this idea I Said I set up a bird's nest balcony

Set you free this is my plan This coyotes had a bunch of my chickens man So I tied one of the dead chickens to a vase like a big ceramic boss And I put it 30 yards off of this ledge And I sat on the ledge with my bow and I was walking the coyote was coming and my daughter was five at a time starts yelling It's a coyote. I'm like oh, I had this motherfucker. I had him he was coming in he was sneaking around and she held the chicken Oh, yeah, I was gonna eat him. I was gonna

I was gonna cut it as a drafts off, and I was gonna barbecue it I was gonna grill it and then after I grilled it. I was gonna take a shit in a hefty bag I had a plan what and I was gonna throw the hefty bag over the fence like there's your friend bitch whoa Not a plan now. You got a a skin that thing I was gonna skin it I would have been cut off. Is that a normal food you need it. It's not good stop Then we just have to make sure that you you really cook the shit out of it to get all the Parasites and trichinosis out of it. What the fuck are you pissing in what are you pissing? What are you doing? I was why don't you just go to the bathroom shift

Come on. Just go back again. Go to the bathroom. You know who's got to touch these J Moe has to touch that yeah He doesn't like that. He doesn't like it. No one. What do you mean? Why would you and why would anyone? What is it? What is the object that you're pissing into a truck and fucking help Shane with this? Gross you are so gross Sorry throw that don't do it anymore Piss outside you can go to the bathroom shit that sucks that sucks I was mad that we don't have a bathroom right outside the door. What are you? Nice, I love the walk out to the bed. It's not that bad of a walk

The Sun's out you see those guys you go holy shit Oh, yeah, it's really important you have to dig into the concrete and lay new pipe so you have to walk ten steps Are you pissed in my podcast studio more than any human being that's ever lived. Really? Probably by a mile, no one else has. Probably zero is the second. Yeah, two is zero.

Probably anyone else is pissed in a jug. He pissed in here. Has anybody else pissed in a jug? Yeah, so many times. No, no one else. Oh, I pissed in a pitcher once. Jamie hates you. You pissed in a pitcher.

That's right, you did. You did. You pissed in that water pitcher that we currently use. We had to wash it out. Oh, no. We should eventually wash this out You use that again Cheers Damn I didn't knew Jamie hated you till that

Yeah, he's got you who fucking To be an American Actually made you clean it up the puke Yeah, that no way you remember when you like slept on the floor And I went out there and played pool for like three hours, and then finally you woke up came out I came out I can't I was I don't sleep during a podcast And then I woke up and Joe's playing like with like three of the top five pool players in the world I'm like hey, buddy. I'm out of here

During a podcast is crazy Three of the top five pool players in the world. I'm like hey, buddy. I'm out of here Players over here, we're having fun. I already came out stumbling. Yeah, you doing man Slip there Show later awesome photos. Yeah, we really fucked with your head in the closet is behind Yeah, the stage is wild now. I got it. I got a good hour of sometimes. It's got to go I laid gotta go down. It's gotta happen the way it happens. Yeah, sometimes you got to lay down where you are I tried to stand up It's it. It's it. He's in a fucking cubby hole behind the comedy club. Boxes and ladders. Bro, that's so much storage equipment.

I swear to God that club's alive. It's a fun time. I looked in the cubby, it's like clean as a whistle. I think the club's alive. When I first walked into that building, I was like, whoa. Got a vibe. It's been around for so long. When you have a building that's been around for almost 100

years, it's got a feeling inside of it. The first place I went to, the cult house that I almost built the club at, that place was dope. Did you ever see the cult place? I still think about buying it. It was a Is that the one that sunk in the sewage? No.

No, I'll tell you the whole story off air. There's an issue. There's a couple of issues. But not issues that couldn't be fixed. I thought about doing like, if we get crazy big, like if we keep growing, to have like, you know how like Mitzi had the Westwood Comedy Store? Not far away. Not far away. I thought about doing that. I thought about doing...

I like that idea. Another one. Cause you can only have one A level headliner in town in the weekend. That's a great idea. He's here then mark can't you know another thing I thought about yeah buying a theater I've tied you don't say the name but I thought about buying a theater in town and having like big name headliners in every weekend That's a great theater Yeah

And also the idea is like you're always gonna be able to have like top-level comics coming into theaters So you have them come into theaters you have them? Available for pop-ins any night of the week come on by we're all friends And then you have to take a second terrible live nation deal where they fucking? I don't know for the money. I agree. I'm in it for fun Z's no I'm saying it would be nice to the comic not to have to say that Oh, yeah, 85 percent, but I do stuff with live nation, too What's going on with them right now? I'm in it for funsies. Yeah, that's what I'm in it for I don't there's not enough time in the world for me to pay attention

I feel bad about the scalping okay. Well. I don't do that. Here's one thing that I don't do I don't do that thing where they like scalp on purpose like where Yeah, something Bruce Springsteen a lot of these like fucking Never do it you talk to me about that and then I talked to you about that Yeah, the whatever that program is yeah artists. I don't get they raise the price I don't know if somebody scalps. There's an option for the artist to the artist Jesus. I'm good You know I mean, that's good. That's how they walk. Yeah, why I'm talking to do what you can make the money So like let's say so I put my tickets on sale for like $40. Yeah

Somebody scalps it and sell 100 300. Yep. I get 300 No, the program is different the program is you have like a platinum thing whether like really nice tickets are like go for crazy money because everybody knows Taylor Swift is the bomb diggity so they want to Pay for it. So they go Scalpers are selling this for a thousand I'm not interested if someone scalps they scalp. That's just how the world works You have that thing where you like you have to show your ID Yes, the club that cuts down The club it was a real issue so well we came up with at the club so so at the club

If say we wanted to buy if you wanted to buy a hundred tickets to my club Yeah, if you just were a wild dude want to buy a hundred tickets selling for a thousand bucks each Meanwhile you could just do that. And if you didn't have to show your ID and who you are, you would be able to resell those tickets. So you could resell them for, like some guy comes from Scotland, I wanna see his show, he'll show up,

fuck, I flew all the way over here, how much? A thousand bucks. Okay, I'll go online, I'll do whatever, I'll find some website, I'll buy the tickets. We have it so that if you buy, if R.F. Shaffir buys two tickets, you have to show your license, your you, I look at your face, facial recognition,

I know who you are, and then you get to buy two tickets, and those are only your tickets, you can't resell them. You can't resell them to Bob for $500. You can't do any of that, but the idea is is like Stop thinking about money so much money is only fun coupons, but you're a zillionaire But that's also I'm not thinking about making more money I'm getting screwed. I made the club specifically to break even. My thought is I just don't want to lose any money.

I want to make it the best environment for comedy and not lose money, and that's my goal. I want to pay people well, have a good time. That's my goal. Yeah, but one of the ways you did that was to stop that scalping. Yes. Well, that's for the audience. So you're paying a fair price. So the audience doesn't have to feel like shit. I know it's hard to get tickets, but at least you're not gonna get fucked.

Right. It'll be like harder to get tickets if you're coming from Japan. Yeah, it's harder, I'm sorry. Yeah, but everyone buying a ticket is intended to come. That's a human being that buys two tickets. You're on a date, you got your tickets, that's it.

Yeah, it's popular. That's it, and yeah, it's only 250 seats. Okay, that's just what it is But at least no one's getting fucked right the people that are there everybody there is gonna have like a fair great time Great wait staff great nice people managing everybody's fun That's what I mean But though if you go see a music show or something you like and you're like, okay These are two $40 tickets you get one and one for your friend and then it's like you owe us $130 and you're like wait. What do you mean? Oh with all their take with all the Master shit, that's an issue saying it's in it's quite annoying. Yeah, but it's also you avoid that the scalping

You think they would do something about the scalping bro. They do all those But also as you know someone's money Someone's coming to town and I find out Roger Waters is in town I don't have his number and I can get tickets for like 500 bucks online like oh shit Yeah, let me buy them yeah But I feel bad if somebody comes to my show and like I said my I set my tickets as low as possible Right like you're seeing me in a theater. I did you know it's not a comedy club It's like make it 40 bucks

You just have to make it so that the people have to show their idea to get the tickets That's the way to do it, but you never know ticket master It's hard to do it get it done because they have a vested interest in making the most money possible They're probably they also did a thing where they sold off like 10% of their tickets to another ticketing company They own so they could sell it for twice as much Yeah, and an AEG or whatever What the Dwarfen one caught them listen man coke doesn't snort itself. Yeah, okay Whores don't get paid with hugs

You ever had a hug when you haven't had a hug in forever? Oh, it's nice. When I first moved to LA, when I was working on a TV show, I had no friends And I would just go to the comedy store and go to work and this lady that I work with at the sitcom that I was Doing she gave me a hug and it was like I needed it. You got wood? No, I didn't get wood. I got like, oh Yeah, like it was a nice. It was a nice hug like hi How are you she gave me hug? I was like Thank you. Did your dad hug? I felt so much better. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, my family's love You know used to be a hugger very love a professional hugger my parents are very very loving and huggy and yeah

I think that's when people don't do that with their kids like god damn trying to talk for my kid up hug life You know that's not the way hugs Theo used to give hugs for like, that was part of a program. He would hug people, yeah. I'm not making it up. That's weird. He was like a cuddler and a hugger. Hello.

How old were these people? Some pretty old. He did do that old lady thing. Some pretty old, yeah. We used to come out and punch our old punchers. Really? Cuddling old ladies is nice. He was like a cuddler.

When an old lady hasn't gotten a hug in a while and you give her one and she's like, hmm. Yeah, it was a program to help people who needed contact. My dad would do the shoulder tap. That was my dad's hug. You didn't get a hug? No. That's what happened.

They're there now. Yeah, that's what happened. Mom hugged, but dad would be like. My family's Italian, they're all huggers. Everybody's hugging. My dad's autistic. Hugging's important. Touch is important.

You gotta do it. People that are weird with touch, it's like such a strange thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gerard and that guy who died in that accident, Josh Admeyer's friend, they brought hugging back into LA comedy scene. Really?

Yeah. What do you mean they brought it back? We always hugged. Is that how we died? Nah, it was like they started hugging all the time. Hugging who? You and I hugged each other. We were there first, bitch. I think we always hugged. Nah, it was like they started hugging all the time. Hugging who? You and I hugged each other. We were there first bitch.

I think we started hugging afterwards. Shut the fuck up. We hugged from the get go. This video of it. Shut your mouth. But they did it too. Which is great. We just greeted everybody with hugs. We didn't know later. Freddie Soto started brother.

Yeah brother. Freddie Soto like a logic behind it. He's like Yeah, I remember we were talking you and I were talking about it and Freddy was like, you know I call people brother because like it's the best thing you say to somebody You know, just my friend. You're my brother. My brother. I'm saying sorry I'm saying sorry. I'm sorry about that. I don't have any friends. Oh really no, but yeah, he was yeah He'd be like you're my brother in comedy or whatever you just call people brother He's like it makes people feel better. He was like it makes you feel brother, and I was like that's a great philosophy Adopted it. I call everybody brother. Yeah, I like that When he's fam I know it's like yeah, but he was like family was that family yeah

Yeah, Ian always cause I am so like I just found one black guy. I know it's cool yeah, but he was like family was that family. Yeah, you know he's called I am so black guy. You just found one black guy. I know it's cool to have one black friend He's a vegan too very cool He's always tired Ian Ian Edwards Hilarious comic always tired. I had a series of photographs that I'll get with him Well, whenever we do to row together, I catch Ian sleeping on a plane And then one time he caught me and it was hilarious I was out there and he had this giant smile on his face he's filming me sleeping you motherfucker I got you once I got you

once in the Twitter days it was it was right we were taking off the two glasses on look at me smiling that's a beauty mouth agape with the window shade open that's hard you got sunbeams in your eyes oh i didn't give a fuck i got roguelikes i just took a picture of you sleeping and tweeted like do what you will with this mouth open like that

you landed to a thousand cocks just giant cocks the hulks dick all kinds oficks. I do love a good plane nap. Oh my god There's something about playing so I can fall asleep like immediately as soon as on takeoff I'm like I know I got nothing to do. I'm not in control go to sleep. Yeah, my mouth has never been more open. Yeah Sleeping sitting upright on a plane That's being the guy on 9-eleven like oh finally I'm out wake up wake up to screaming terrorists like wait what? The guys sleeping in the car and the for hey he's Mike went out Jamie. Oh, yeah, that was me

We're back we back happen yeah we're good I think I touched something oh is that that what it is yeah I'm thing okay that was my fault but the other guy's sleeping in the car and then the four guys go one two there's even a drag a fucking inflatable bed out into a river out into a river So dangerous what if someone doesn't swim gator it's really far from the shore and you can't figure out how to get back up in The raft because you're slop Fucking dangerous man, I'll do it to someone knows that a swim. Yeah, but if somebody doesn't pull themselves back on the raft

They're fucked Take like five minutes to figure out how you got there and you're like wait. No, I was Minutes to figure out how you got there and you're like wait. No I was somewhere else And I'm wet You ever live a do the air mattress life was it like have one oh yeah and live on it I have a futon oh futons rough. That's just like you hate your life when you have a futon Yeah, you want to want to get out of bed You fucking poor bitch get out there and get something done I slept on a futon I got so much done comes up like thank God like let's get out of this

fucking shitty bed and then you had to turn into a couch because the living room doubled up yeah doubled up yeah we ever fuck a lady on their mattress yep yeah first of all when you walk in with them They're like, oh man One of those nights one of those nights. She's just sad. She's made poor choices Yeah, you're willing to fuck me on this mattress In the living room do you know how they find bed bugs on beds? Beagles? No.

For real. Beagles? Yeah, they bring in a beagle and you go, what the fuck? Really? The beagle knows? There's no way this works. They use an iron. So they take an iron and they roll it over the mattress and the heat makes the bed bugs rise to the surface. Oh god.

And they just start popping out. So disgusting. Fucking nasty. Beagles can be trained to sniff out bed bugs rise to the surface Fucking nasty beagles can be trained to sniff out bed bugs How the fuck did you know that? The guy brought a beagle and I was like well, we're fucked why beagles beagles are particularly good at distinguishing sense They're gonna smell the drugs the drug dogs are there. Oh, yeah Well, usually they look for bombs We which makes you like go? Yeah, I had a beagle sit in front of me in Australia once when I landed There's like looked and stared at me you had a beagle sit in front of you at when I landed That's an ugly lady sat down and just like stared at me

And I was like oh cute beagle and then the fucking border patrols like shit What do you got in the bag and I was like fuck piss no I drugs We did we get you get in trouble no because they said you have any fruit and I was like oh yes I do and they're like must be that go along. Oh Was like halfway Fuck about weed especially looking at a guy like you you know some international drug dealer But if you have like a car tire filled with coke You know they take that and they like take a car tire

And they'll take it off of the wheel and they'll stuff coke in there And they'll put a little bit of air and then drive that bitch in and the fucking Belgian Malinois will get right right up Yes Foiled by a dog Like my dog bark Carl's Jr. I'll do a real one Look at him. It's ready to go to war Fuck you bitch this place so cute oh we woke up this intense he's gonna fuck me up

yeah you call us no idea how big he is he'll do nothing he's never been harmed so he has no idea that he can be right so he runs out you bites your fingers with like impunity You want piece of this yeah? Three pounds yeah the size of my ankle what is car away Over there parking That's yours are he just did one what do you mean, but I'll do another one for the truth. You remember we had a show tonight for the troops who has what do you got a mouse in your pocket? Oh, come on. Are you pussies gonna back out? No, I have some fun. What else we doing? We're gonna have some fun Let's try a different song. We might have to get a place another good American song would be good today How about buck cherry?

American oh that's that one Ball would be nice Bob what's a bar? Oh, I know at the drop the drop is long drop though Yeah, how about look start it start up buck cherry lit up? cherry hold on uh Three six Mafia sipping on some scissor. What's this one? Let's just want to ball It's good. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a good one. Just takes a while. There's a good way. We can talk over it Especially since such a good song killed Bud Light this is college Bud Light's back. That's back. They're friends now He that killed Bud Light. This is college. Bud Light's back. Kid Rock's back. They're friends now. He almost killed Bud Light though.

He put him in a chokehold, let him out. He shot it pretty hard. Oh, he killed that company. My name is Keef. Oh! Wow! Oh Motorcycle over him what year was this? Three nine eleven did you see kid rocks? Yeah

No, the middle No Rolling stone thing he did a rolling stone interview And he started saying the worst shit ever dropping and bombs and he said please print the worst article you can about me It'll be good for me. It's only gonna help complete disdain for Rolling stuff just complete disdain they never see the video of him like driving a Just complete disdain. Did we see the video of him like driving a fucking rocket? Middle finger rocket jump over the moon? Bro, you got a guy like that that has that much money. He's a wild boy. He's a wild boy He can sell out. He facetimes you know be like yo, there's a fucking monkey at my house It would be him holding a monkey No way

Then he facetimed me a week later and was like there's a fucking deer here What the fuck and next to him there was a deer in his yard and was like, There's a fucking deer here! What the fuck? And next to him, there was a deer in his yard that they were just, it was a baby deer he was just holding. And then, it was in front of his orange Tesla. He got a Tesla truck, orange, he got the fucking, uh, He did a General Lee. General Lee Tesla truck. What?

And he's holding a deer, he's like, This is fucking crazy! It was just me and my dad in my car. I was like, this is my dad. He was like hey, man. My dad was like Hello I was like dad. This is Kid Rock. He's got a deer in front of a Confederate flag I don't think he has the flag on it. He's got the flag in the back. It does It's a cyber truck to cyber truck Confederate flag Respect that commitment. There's no denying

The flag is on the back window Actually, it might be open it might be on the trunk Oh, so when you pull the trunk lid down shows the flush you so he can like choose to yeah Represent these guys stand and we're not standing in it Yeah, it's a track how many people got mad that he's got like the generally colors on an electric car By the way, that's that's a fucking American car If you really think about their fastest shit all Tesla's are fast to joke Yeah, the cheapest Tesla will blow most muscle cars out of the fucking water

Mmm. Those guys are kind of see it on the truck there on the back of the truck on the bed You know they can't play that show on whatever network use that owns it They can't play that show anymore because the Confederate flag on the roof. Wow yeah, you never see Dukes. It has a reruns No, you know you're right. You would don't play Flashback Because that's on the roof Is that wild it's crazy It's wild meanwhile. They'll show fucking Amistad or roots all day. What about hogan's heroes? That's way we still show hogan's heroes well bad about that. They had a fucking show a comedy about a concentration

The Nazis were kind of friends with the captives. Like, they all interacted and, you know, kind of were like, oh, Marty. Like that kind of thing. Oh, man. That's crazy. Remember Colonel Klink? Colonel Klink, yeah.

He was an idiot. Don Baris, we used to always fuck around about Jew stuff at the end of the night, and he'd be like, I saw a documentary about the Holocaust. It didn't seem that tough. I'm like what was it called? He goes Hogan's heroes Show was a fucking sitcom. Yes, what kid yeah? It was normal it was only a few years after the war if you really think about it was a way of like Let's take it lightly what year was Hogan's heroes. I want to say it was the 70s right so like that would literally be like a Hogan's heroes I want to say it was the 70s right so like that would literally be like a jokey joke show about the invasion of Iraq now yeah right doesn't

know people needed a laugh or worse like right yeah first episode 65 so why and that dude went crazy the dude who is the lead went crazy was that movie, but he did a lot of pornos Yes No He was in Family Feud, but that was the other guy Okay, great. Come here to the movie Jimmy'll find this it's a normal name very standard name so this dude when he was off a hogan here Oh, see you would Bob Crane He would just like find girls and film videos and him and his partner would make porn together

And they got addicted to making porn with like random ladies, and then his partner killed him Why I don't he murdered him what that guy was the guy he did it with the guy way huge hog on Defoe really yeah, they have to edit out his bulge. Oh my god hog wow pull it up So back then in 65 he's like the first TV star right yeah, so this guy was probably on a fucking rampage Oh, yeah, they can know this buddy was like let's do some fun stuff, and then his buddy wind up killing him Yeah, Rogan's heroes Look at that fucking show a show of a fat Nazi bro they had to make him fat to make him like okay that's not that great a comedy about Nazis well the the producers springtime for Hitler that was

pretty cool he got a lot of shit cuz he's a Jew yeah all right right right Mel Brooks that's right springtime time for him Jews really want about that fucking one Jerry Lewis movie They can't they never really stator no no movie about it was a clown at a concentration camp a crying clown something like that I know they ended up doing that day for a clown. No he made the movie No, but it's like in the art toys that want to go to day the clown died it's supposed to be the worst fucking movie ever shot 1972 never released due to myriad issues with the production never been made available in any form leading to project project to reach Mythical status in the global film community. It's like so offensive to health It's a cloud Jerry Lewis is a clown irritating all of those kids that are on their way to the gas chamber

Making them laugh Similar movie about that that won like some award where the guys like I'm gonna be like the happy guy yes like an Italian Life is not beautiful life is but it's beautiful Was patch Adams that was a clown What was Patch Adams? What was Patch Adams? That was a clown. Robin Williams played a clown. What were the, Cancer Kids?

I think so. Hilarious. He stole that. Didn't even have cancer. Ooh. Yeah, those were actors. Yes. And now they're all fucked up.

Well, if you can have AI actors now, you don't have to have kids doing it anymore, so the kids won't get fucked up. God damn, we got our movies. That's coming. Should they make kid sex robots just to appease the pedos? Good idea. So they don't go out on the streets. Good idea.

You wish to make sex kid robots that explode once your dick's inside of you. Ooh. Does that weed them out? Yeah, just nails. Every fourth one. There's a chance you might get by. Everyone is filled with plutonium.

Even if they don't explode, you dick cancer take that beard Fogel What does it say? It's possession of the Library of Congress I'll just let Andrews Times report that Lewis had donated copy of the film to library Congress under the stipulation that would not be Screened before June 20 24th. Oh, that's now that's right now We go see him field trip. Let's go. Let's do it anybody seen it. Can you go see it? Let's find out if we if it's legal to go watch it can we go watch it? If we go to the Library of Congress, what would we have to do to go to the library? I've been in a talk to you just go in library. You can just walk in any government building

You and your boys can just go in and they might execute a lady in no no care, but whatever. I'd like to see it. The Library of Congress is open, it's an actual library. How many people have been arrested for just being there at January 6th? I mean, I think a lot. Are they still in jail?

I saw a Biden speech where he was like bragging, he was like, we gave these guys 800 years in solitary confinement. 800 years. Watch the footage reveal for Jerry Lewis lost Holocaust film. Condensed version of the 1970s Holocaust I want to do it directly appeared on Vimeo oh you can watch on Vimeo damn is it still on there it's not gonna be good it was never free why is it why is it bad it's gonna be amazing

too sad did you not see the fucking Joe nut Eddie professor he was brilliant Scrap plans releasing the film after being embarrassed by how it turned out still better than unfrosted 2025 we have to wait till 2025 what yeah, I Can't wait. Oh, Harry Shearer said the movie. He's Harry Shearer said the movie so drastically wrong where to say yeah I told spy magazine the movie was so drastically wrong calling its pathos so wildly misplaced You could not in your fantasy of what it might be like improve on what it really is Wow there was a show in England that got cut about a guy coming home a Nazi and his family Pull that up J Moe judge a rabbit show it was a sitcom like honey. I'm home, but he home a Nazi and his family pull that up J Moe which was a show it was a sitcom like honey I'm home but he was a Nazi yeah yes and it was just this

regular stuff that's like deal with his like his nagging wife and he was like just got back from the genocide that's called home improvement what's the deal with concentration studying yeah're not studying. Yeah. No one in there is concentrating on anything but survival. They don't have any food. You need food to be able to concentrate. Ovens doesn't sound so bad.

Easy bake. But wait. I lost my yarmulke in the dryer. Where is it? Did you have like a One yarmulke. I saw a hair on the shower. Oh, yeah, that was like one of my favorite That was a good bit Seinfeld bits, but it's funny if you include concentration. Yes. Yes for sure Anyway, it's terrible hold on wait. There was a sitcom though. It was like honey. I'm home Nazi version honey We shrunk all

They did that with there was a movie that just came out zone of interest that was kind of like that I'll honey. I'm home. Oh my god a British sitcom written by Jeff Atkinson produced in 1990 was cancelled after one episode It centers on Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun who lived next door to a Jewish couple. Oh my god 1990 oh my god show me a clip. It's probably as far as the fucking show. This is so ridiculous Canceled after one episode, but they put it out Went all the way to air Fringe comedians say god-awful things on Twitter just to get attention Right now think if you gave this person a budget This is crazy

What a joke you must be real mad at me, honey. I'm a very, very bad Hitler. Tell me you're big. Don't touch me. I thought it was the UK. Those are very American accents. Yeah, but it's the UK. They're pretending to be like German.

They're pretending to be German, so they went American. How weird, man. Well, they probably didn't know what a sitcom was. They just copied us. Yeah, exactly. They don't know how to do it. Take your uniform my foot bro. You're home. Yeah, what are you doing, bro? I'm sweating Shit 1990 Jesus it was 1990 That's so that's

Damn, was that I got it got I would love to see someone in that meeting I like how they made it in 1938 before things went totally sounds like a fucking Nick Mullin I can't believe they did that they made it in 1938 like that's what it was supposed to be so yeah before he lived Back to a British company couple and they were like we gotta get rid of this couple It's like if you do a show about the Jackson five do it while he's young yeah Do before things go weird Joe Jackson was a mean man Allegedly well, that's the story Yeah

Yeah, most kids don't want to work their ass and to be in the fucking best ever best ever a pop off the creepy story and boy With the was what is his doctor? Hyman his doctor said that he was chemically castrated to keep his voice. Is that right? Which makes sense. If you look at him, he has... Chemically...

Yeah. His body looks so different than all of his brothers. He looks like a eunuch. Like he has no muscle at all. Nothing. So he probably had no testosterone, so his voice never reached male puberty voice. But his dick still worked. I don't know well

tell them all those kids who knows who's telling the truth because he was banging brooks shield and the press leader really win them he was with oh the old yeah but look at his kids kids are clearly not his kids really yeah they're white kids no they look like a white kid they look like white kid black dude oh that's right

DNA was black yeah it was in the fucking No, they look like a white kid. They look like white kid black dude Fucking Norman he dull is old what normally the worst detective ever oh Nice sir he was black His fucking kids man those are not as kids well. Well they are his kids. But not biologically. Really? Yeah, but like Michael Jackson was so fucking good that even though There's all those allegations people still listen to that music. Like shut up shut up shut up. Yeah, he was so fucking good that Beat It, Tony Hinchcliffe used to have a joke about it. He's like when Beat It comes on you don't give a fuck about those kids. Dude I don't even think about them. That's like when Beatty comes on, you don't give a fuck about those kids. Dude, I don't even think about them.

That was about his dad. Everyone had that joke. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no was like, he made Thriller. It was on Chapelle show. He was on the stand, he was like, he made Thriller. Right. You got diddled by the best pedophile of all time. And then he got pissed, and then he was defending R. Kelly and they pissed on him. It was good. Right. And then there was also, there was probably some shit going on with him where people were blackmailing him. Like, it might not have been, if he really didn't have a working unit, like if he really was chemically castrated like his doctor said that Doctor that went to jail the one who went to jail for giving him profanol so he would kill them

Yeah, yeah, he would get literally get anesthetized because he couldn't sleep He was so crazy that he just couldn't sleep and so the doctor would like to nestetize him every night and eventually died So when that doctor got out of jail he gave an interview. He's talking about what happened to him He said that he was chemically castrated when he was young That's why he looks so different. He's so thin like no muscle at all and you look at his brothers his brothers look like men Yeah, and yeah like all the other brothers But he was the young kid with this fucking golden voice and there's a long history of people doing that those castratos From the opera days where they cut kids nuts off and have them sing

It a high pitch really you never heard castratos. Oh, there's like one video or one recording That's available from like the early 1900s of a castrato. It's haunting well It's like a guy with no nuts saying they took his nuts when he was a young boy damn Yeah, allergy dark All right, dark dark shit man well hey if it keeps you keeps you in work is this I see what you've got there you're trying to learn how it's just it's a shotgun thing I want to just drink it like a real American oh a shotgun yeah whoa that's a great

invention so you put just punch it through that didn't go through on shark tank big That's so much better suck it Ari that's like you that's like having a America freedom bong in your pocket I can't believe I caught that that was a great throw to Damn is that another one? Why do you keep doing that with your throat? It's so cold. Yeah I can't believe I caught that. That was a great throat too. Big case. Big throat. Damn. Is that another one? Why do you keep doing that with your throat? It's so cold. Yeah.

It's a cold beer. That's why I do it. Yeah, but that's not gonna help. Shut up, dude. No, you shut up. Stop chugging a beer and going, oh. Oh, me throat. Oh, fuck.

It's so uncomfortable. If I squeeze my throat. It works. It'll make you feel better. Ow, fuck. It's so uncomfortable. Hmm. If I squeeze my throat, it works. It'll make you feel better. Ow, I hurt my elbow. Owie, my funny bone.

These are great. These are great. The crack in. It's a great idea. Nice plug. The ultimate shocker. Do you think you could get this into a stadium? Oh, yeah, you definitely could.

You put your keys on it. Oh, you can give this to a lady for self-defense. Uh-huh. They'd hold onto it like this. Like that fucking... Yeah, like the keys? The combat class I told you about? Oh yeah.

Nyeh. Nyeh. Nyeh. Don't. Don't you. Stop. Looks like Ari's nose. How dare you. Thinner, but right shape. You son of a bitch. That's quite a honker You son of a nice honk dude

Leave his honker you could snort some blow with that puppy. I support your honk Is blow still a major thing amongst comedians Yeah, it is Comedians sometimes Sometimes. Yeah. It is awesome. Is it out here with comedians? Sometimes if shit's going well. It's not like, there's not as many fiends, but if it's going around, people are like, yeah let's go. Yeah, it's going around. Such a dumb one. Whoa, squirter!

You know they have legal weed, they have like that Delta 9. What? Lame. Yeah, but it's not bad. You ever try it? It that helps you sleep not that's a nice the real weed. It's pretty weedy We're not in the real normal weed eight the stuff that's a little Delta eight. Yeah. Oh, is it suspect? I've had the legal stuff that you could buy here and it's weed. Yeah, but it's okay Weed is also make what are you trying to do? You try to get obliterated or you just want to get a little creative You just want to get a little creative get If you just want to get a little creative and get a little silly, it's perfect. It works.

Lighter weed. They don't give you 32% weed. Hmm. Get 17% weed. What are you trying to do? What are percentages? I'm a United man. I'm saying you don't need to get obliterated, you can just have regular weed. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's like not crazy hard. But isn't it weird? Like my point was like what if someone comes out like a delta-8 coke oh You know that's a great idea. I give you could do that okay? That's called a terrible hitter for sure C or veil are in cannabis plants the most abundant form is delta-9 when people refer to the effects of THC They usually talk about Delta 9 other forms THC touches Delta 8 and Delta 10 have similar chemical structures to Delta-9, but their effects are usually different. I dunno. Hmm.

Interesting. Some of that stuff's pretty good, and you can just buy it in a store and it's totally legal. Like, what a weird loophole. Dude. I've had a lot of it. In New York, you can buy shrooms at the bodega. Really?

I do it there now? Yeah, it's wide open, baby. Is that legal in the state now? No. No? No, but it's like, they're like, nobody's bothering us. You got them fucking. Well, listen, that's the beginning.

And eventually, it's going to get to the point where people realize that it should be legal. I got to say, they work. You shouldn't have adults telling you what the fuck you can do. Yeah, but didn't Portland open up all the drugs and look at them now? Well, they had problems before that.

Ah. You can't blame it on that. Oh, jeez. You got to tilt it down. Tilt down. Ah. You can't blame it on that. Ugh. Oh, Jesus. You got to tilt it down. Tilt down. Do you want to go right into it? Let's talk it to Rich Voss. Oh, you're right.

I did do it upside down. Shit. Chains with beepers. The northern lights in the southern coffers. And it don't even matter with your fame. The paulters, all the clandestine critics. The sins. Ow.

And all my heroes in the methadone clinics. So he was in a Kid Rock was in my green room and that exact line came I was talking about a family members drug addiction And I was talking about methadone, and he was like he was fucked up And he was like I have a lyric about that and I was like what do you mean? He's like He didn't think about it, and he was like all my heroes in the method. No. I was like you mean ball with the ball He probably still sings that all the time right that's the cool thing about being a rock star You should be they want to hear those you want to hear it. It's like the machine. Yeah with Burt

Yeah, they want to hear those old stories Yeah, they want that Be nice banger from fucking 30 years ago. That was Dice too. With Dice, over all comics was everybody knew the lines. They wanted to repeat them. What's in the bowl, bitch? Oh! They had the whole crowd like, yeah! It was like a song. We did a rock on the range or whatever, some rock fest.

I did that once. Dice was the, uh uh the comic there. I had to open for him and He did that at the end What's his face Lincoln Park or one of these bands brought him up and the whole arena knew it it was incredible What yeah, cuz it was just the right age where they knew the whole thing and they all sang it together It was beautiful. I love what dice is doing now the whole thing and they all sang it together it was beautiful I love what Dice is doing now it's so crazy these fucking videos

they're incredible can I get a picture with you? it's like mad day they're so insane can I get a picture with you? and nobody knows who he is and he doesn't care yeah like he doesn't have like an issue with people not knowing who he is

like it's part of the fun big shot with the two dogs what? the two dogs big shot sir I don't know no no the two dogs big big shot! Sir, I don't know what... No, no, the two dogs, big shot! He did it to me, I never met him, I was like, hey, I'm just letting you know I'm your opener, how much time do you want me to do it? He goes, you want a photo?

I'm like, no, no, I'm just saying I'm your opener. He's like, come on, let's get a photo. And I'm like, I'm good, I'm good on the photo. He was always down for the goof. Yeah, he's always down with goofing on people. I could see that your fans and I get it if you wanted the picture. You know what I mean? Like a lot of people are shy about stopping me. I'm a fan.

Oh yeah, that guy's like... I was talking about earlier too. Some of them get shy. Oh yeah, that guy's like, I was talking about earlier, some of them get shy, you know, some of them get a little shy. Huge fan, man. Thanks. Brad Garrett, killing me. Does Brad Garrett still do stand-up at his club? I think so, yeah.

He's got that nice club in Vegas. I hear it's a beauty. He plays at the MGM, it's a great club. Doctor Candy. Don Marrera used to work that club all the time. Oh yeah? Yeah, he said it was like the best club in Vegas. Does Kimmel's got a club there?

Wise Guys is a club there? Is Kimmel's still helping? Wise Guys has two clubs there now. I heard Vegas has a little bit of a scene. Vegas has like got a common scene now. Always, Triple E's out of there. Two clubs in Vegas? Triple E lives there now?

No. How does that work? That was his scene that he came up with. Oh, right right right. And Stan Hope too. Stan Hope really? Yeah, he had a club no He started in Vegas Pretty sure didn't from Wyoming was there a long time. I heard a great Stan Hope so I'm no

I don't know if I'm allowed to say it don't say that okay. Give it a chance later Pretty funny, but it's like I think it's pretty tame give it a chance I'll give it you we can Give it a chance. I'll give it a chance. We can cut a J-mo, make a time note. Okay. Carl will be ready with the butt, with a dump. When Zany's opened in... Nashville? Yes.

He went and no one knew who he was. He walked like half the room. People were like, this is horrible, you're weird, you're anti-bible, whatever. And the bartender there was some lady and it was her first night at a comedy club bartending. And she went up to him after and she's like, you're disgusting. That was abhorrent, that was inappropriate, that was crazy. She didn't know comedy. So then, whatever, cut to 30 years later, he comes back to Zany's, kills, like has one

of these magical sets, annihilates, great night, he gets offstage and she was like, she now had been seasoned with comedy, she's heard all these people over the years and she's like, that was great, they go out, he ends up fucking her back at his or her apartment and he's over the balcony fucking her, fucking her, she's like, you don't remember me, you don't remember me? He's like, nah, I don't remember you, whatever, and they're fucking, they're fucking, and now he's got her over the balcony fucking her Doggy style and he goes you're disgusting Check I don't think Stan Hope would be upset

We should check I don't think Stan Hope would be upset If we know Doug Stan Hope I'm sure he'd be like whatever I have fucked But what a great call your callback you know a facetime kid rock a baby says Good kid rock on our pod Ask him the story's real Joe He's the best He might not have woken up yet Okay, that's one number let me try the other no I've been out there he wakes up early Oh really I couldn't believe he might already be this one works

I got a couple numbers, but he also doesn't drink like that come on No, it's what he goes after then he goes out. It's a marathon He might call back so keep an eye on that puppy That's funny. I heard another one where he has Douglas were on the air Text me or call me when you get this Period I'm with Shane Mark Norman and Ari Shaffir. I I'm with Shane, Mark Norman, and Ari Shaffir. I think Sam Talent lived there for a minute.

Where, Vegas? He was with me. Oh, with you, okay. He was there for like a week, yeah. No, no, you're talking about Bisbee. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, Bisbee, yeah. He came down. Me and Sam had one of the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. It's not even funny. We were just on mushrooms. Bisbee! But Stan Hope, so it's just us us and Santa hope has the funhouse his bar

So we're just drinking every night and then me and Sam took mushrooms and the whole time every time you talk to Stan Hope he's such like a old road dog that will be like do you know Billy Cummings? You know he just always says a name. Yeah, never heard of anyway We're up on the roof me and Sam are up on the roof of the funhouse on mushrooms dying laughing about a Scenario where his dog Henry eats his cat meat wig and When the cat gets eaten Stan Hope just imagining what Stan Hope would do if his dog is cat and be like meat wig no Stan hope just imagining what Stan hope would do if his dog and his cat and be like meat wig no We're on mushrooms, so we think it's cheese we think it's the funniest thing of all time of him just go

But also Stan hope can be mean drunk really oh yeah, but Gary will be sitting there drinking then out of nowhere he'll be like you're fat Awww. You piece of shit. We'll have a nice night smoking cigarettes, drinking vodka then out of nowhere Stanhope will just turn to you and be like you fucking suck at comedy But we're on mushrooms, we go downstairs and he's also I mean, we're dying at the concept of two fucking ogres. Me and Sam, on your roof, tackling about you. Let us into your home. Yeah, let's think about mushrooms, there's so many layers. Yeah, I'm trying to explain the square tax we're talking about. Right, right, I get it.

But Meatwag, no. But then we go downstairs, he's drunk, we're high on mushrooms. And the first thing he does, he turns to us, he takes a drag with a cigarette and he's like, Do you boys remember Bentley Dustin? Some fucking random fucking bullshit comic. And we start howling laughing in his face. And he's instantly, he's just like,

You two fat fucking losers. And it's just making us laugh more. Yeah, Stan Hobe can turn nasty when he's drunk, which is so funny. Because he's in a fucking clown suit. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? He filmed a special at my club, but I don't think he released it. What? Put it out.

Yeah, I don't know what's going on with it But Simmons did the devil after crowd fit Simmons has one coming out Brian Simpson and he filmed it Netflix on Netflix, but I know Stan help film something. I don't know what he did was it was a killer I wasn't there. I was out of town when he was doing it unfortunately Santa was like unless I film with one camera by an audience member in the crowd, it's not cool enough. He filmed when I was on the row. I was somewhere.

Or it wasn't home. It might have been a UFC weekend or something like that and he filmed. I heard it was great though. Damn. I think he might have filmed during the day. No refunds. I made him want to have been

on those day drunk things. Of course. I think that's it. I think he did one of those day drinking things where he filmed at like noon. There's a poster in your club, day drunk course. I think that's it. I think he did one of those day drinking things I filmed it like noon as a poster in your club day drunk. Yeah, Stan hope that's it. That's it Framed I saw once again. I'm those two some yeah, I did the last one with them I do to you the first time I ever featured What is it like doing a show at no a long time ago the first time I ever featured was opening for Burt on a day drinking show Helium Philly 2016 Wow yeah, that amazing yeah, and then I emailed him and I was like we should work together

The first time you feature was 2016 and eight years years later you're the biggest comic in the world You did guess that's on my show and you know I was like who's this guy Later is like who are you though? Yeah? You know I did a decade of truck stops in the middle See good for you season. Yeah, yeah bad rooms Thing with everything I waited to gotta do the you gotta have a full array of Experiences in order to reach your potential. Yeah, I think that's the thing with everything the only one you couldn't conquer I think that's with everything like every kind of every fighting movie

The only one you couldn't conquer. I think that's with everything. Like every fighting movie, every fighting movie, you see some guy in some fucking seedy bar that has like a boxing ring and he steps through the ropes and makes you know he's fighting for the title. You know, it's like with everything. Yeah. Batman had a fight in that hole. Yeah, you gotta-

There you go. You gotta know all the fucking aspects. You can't be some guy who's gone from like a YouTube star to being now you're doing clubs and you're selling out everywhere, but you've never done a fucking bachelor party. Elton John was talking about all these boy bands and he goes, they never had a bottle thrown at them.

Yeah, really. So they don't know how to like get a crowd. And Simmons and I, since like we literally started out together, so many times him and I would just been fucking laughing hysterically at hell gigs. Yeah, we had to do together I did a show for Rogan at chicka pee. Yes Yeah, awful. They're bagging up their fucking Chinese where some guy comes on stage while I'm on I want a selfie and before there was It takes a camera puts his shoulder over me takes it and I'm like

Looking for a door guy doesn't exist You gotta roll with it In the middle of nowhere, yeah, but you're right. It's like bot like what's his name Dempsey? Doing bar fights back in the day, and they're like you're pretty good at this make yeah, we're all heavyweight champs yeah Kimbo slice used to fight Take your badge off. Let's see. No, he's on fucking Me boy I was just wrapping up some dudes podcast

Just talking about you cuz we're doing protect our parks right now and Norman just told some story about you being very rude to some lady I'm not here And he's not exactly sure if it's a true story about someone saying that you were disgusting and then many years later You went back in Nashville Nashville zanies you fucked her over a balcony. No that was Chicago zanies Tell me what happened In a book she was a waitress during a Chicago comedy festival, late 90s. And she had watched my set and then afterwards all the staff is closing out and all the comics are going, hey, what bar do we go to? And go around the corner. So I'm sitting next to her and it ends up me and her, the last people there.

And I said, are you going to this bar? And she goes, I just want you to know, I saw your set tonight and I think you're absolutely disgusting. So I get booked back there and she's working there. I'm doing a regular week by myself. How many years later? Uh, so within the year. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay. Yeah, it goes from a festival to an actual headlining week. Uh, and I, so I, I said to her, all right, listen, yeah, I said that, you said

that, well, we're gonna work the whole week together together So how about we have a truce and she said yeah fine by me and then cut to you after You know the bar closed at the bar after the bar back in my hotel. I'm fucking her In the ass? Yes. Yay! Oh my god. The weird part when I wrote about it, the weird part was, I was in a hotel that had windows that opened. That's how long ago it was. Oh, wow. Suicide hotel.

I had her bent over with her head out the window. And I came in her ass. And I leaned into her ear and I said I just want you to know for the record I find you absolutely disgusting the best part is when I wrote that story in my first book and then we did the book the audible podcast style so we come out of the book and then we did the book, the audible podcast style. So we come out of the book and I had her on as a live guest to I, so I read that part to her and then we cut to her, her side of the story and she goes, first of

all, you didn't come in my ass. You came on my back. This girl sounds awesome. That's a win for her. What's the second of all? Absolutely. Second of all? Absolutely. Second of all, go Bears.

Oh my god. What are you protecting the parks from? What'd you say? What are you protecting the parks from? Oh no, it's just a- No, a thing. Encouraging the government. All the podcasts we do, all the time.

We didn't have a name for it, but Ari was trying to protect a park, so we started calling it Protect Our Parks. But it didn't work. He didn't protect the park Joe they cut all the trees down we failed could you ask him if Meatwigs still alive is Meatwigs still alive? Meatwigs is still alive but it's not an outdoor cat anymore he lives over at the quiet house he's a convalescing in his old old years. Shane was telling some story about him and Sam they were blasted on

mushrooms and they had this idea that your dog ate your cat and you were trying to like tell the dog no. They thought it was hilarious. Douglas I love you. I love you go back to it. Okay bye. I'll talk to you soon. Come to Austin, come to Austin. I am. When are you coming? As soon as I buy the ticket. Okay, come, come, come. I want you here in July. Can you come in July?

Diaz is coming. Come, I want you to come the week Diaz is coming. We'll hook it up. We'll do shows together. Let's have fun. All right, bye. Yay, bye. Sweet boy.

I love when you try to convince someone or something, like, yeah, okay. Yeah, Doug's the boy. I love you trying to convince someone or something like yeah, okay? Yeah List of reasons why you're like no, I'm already in yeah That was awesome No, you're 30 years versus one year is a big gap I was sad at a lady who's in her 50s get fucked in the ass. I was like don't do that Nashville Chicago a meaningless detail Chad Daniels told me the story Chad rules Chad's on the podcast to him because of Ari

Yeah, cuz they reached out. I was like, okay, let's go. It's so funny, Joe reached up like, hey, is this person funny? And sometimes you don't know them, you're like, I have no idea. Other times you hate them and you're just like, I don't really know them. And then other times you'd be like, that guy fucking rules, he's the best. He's the real deal. That's what he said about Chad, so I was like, let's go.

We just did Fully Loaded together, he's ripping every night. Oh, nice, nice he said about Chad. So I was like, let's go. He just did fully loaded together. He's oh nice Nice nice nice. Yeah, he's on he's on the Tony's out there with the Bert right now doing fully loaded. Oh, there you go He's like what am I doing my life? It's fun, but you do activities you got to do activities you don't have you cold plunges I don't have to you can say you've witnessed me Shane is always the best of like hey Shane wake welcome to society You're awake. What do you want to do it? always the best. I gotta do it. Hey Shane, welcome to society. You're awake. What do you want to do?

Get the fucking camera out of my face. You are good. Okay, we're moving on. Why would we ever film ourselves? What kind of activities do they try to get you to do? Burt's like, we're doing unicycles today. You're like, ah fuck. We're playing Frisbee golf.

Is everything documented? Yeah. There's always a camera and I go, get these cameras out of here. Burt is still making up for not being part of Tourgasm and he's just trying to recreate it. No, Burt is making up for the fact that he wasted so much time on that stupid Travel Channel show. No tickets sold from that.

Travel? Zero. I called Burt up once. I was in the main room of the Comedy Store. I called Burt up and I was waiting to go on stage. I was like, what's Burt up to? And I call him and he's like, yeah, I'm in Vietnam in Vietnam on a motorcycle I'm drunk I'm having the best time I go Bert listen to me you got to get off that show I go that show is a velvet prison it's a velvet prison yeah you gotta remember what a velvet prison is yeah it's a it's a nice thing it's like what writers get they get a velvet prison so you're you're writing on

a show and then when the show has a fucking actors writers guild strike you're fucked for like six months you have no money coming in and they try to do a stand-up again I'm like you know you got to be the master of your own domain you can't do this I go you're a great guy you're hilarious you're great on podcasts you do your own podcast and you should make money off of that and doing stand-up if you don't know what Burke Chrysler is one of those two fat guys driving A unicycle he's the pregnant man emoji on your iPhone. Yeah The tour is so fun. It's so fun. The activities. I'm always I'm always a fucking people hate

I'm always like no fuck that it's so fun. Yeah, we were because I think cuz he over promotes. Yeah Weren't recorded they would be hella fun. Well, if the Burnt Back Tamers weren't recorded, they would be hella fun. Well, we went deep sea fishing last week. We were in South Carolina. Remember when we worked out with The Rock? We worked out The Rock. One of the things I said, I said, let's do no cameras.

Let's just have fun. So we all came in. We all worked out. Oh, deep sea fishing is fun. There it is. Where were you guys? South Carolina. We caught a couple sharks. We caught a red noon by the way that's a good time though we

did that fishing is always a bachelor party I'm always glad we went one more piss fishing is a good time Norman's bachelor party that's what Bert ruled where there's no cameras there was like I'm making activity well the key is too hard I'm sorry I'm sorry it was too hard there's a the key is moderation yes don't be fucking promoting every minute of every day it's not that fun yes exactly it's not fun for the people and also the people that are like paying attention to your social media like stop yeah alone but I stopped being so goddamn needy sure but I gotta tell do the- these are great gigs, he's got the best crowds.

Killer crowds, you go get drunk, then you get back on the bus to drive to the new gig. And it's me, Dave Attell, Soder, Big J, and it's just a great crew, and we're talking shit. Bus life rules. And we're smoking some guy, I mean it's a beautiful thing. Ah! Bus life is very fun. What do you think about a mothership comedy festival? Now you're talking. Buddy, if there was a number above 100%, I would give it to you.

Let's do it, Fetty. I've been thinking about doing that. Where? Here. But doing it right here. Why would I go anywhere? I'm not going anywhere. Even if you don't buy these theaters, you can get them involved.

Yeah. There's a thousand... yes. The answer's yes. The whole other town. Even if you don't buy these theaters, you can get them involved. Yeah. There's a thousand, yes. The answer's yes. The whole other town. The answer's take everybody here. Yeah. For a, yes. You got restaurants involved.

We're kinda doing it every weekend here. Experimental show, but you do other shows, you could do weird shows, I'll do my storytelling show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. You'll do like fun, weird, interesting. Bottom of the Barrel, Brian Simpson in front of a giant crowd.

Do like never before done shows. Yeah. Kill Tony. Riffing shows. I've been thinking about a lot of different ways to expand. Like we're doing so well. It's like, it's almost like we have too many people that want to come versus tickets that are available. Yeah.

And I'm like, I want to expand. That's why a second A-level headliner room would be great. Yes. I want to not just an A-level headliner room, I want a theater. Yeah second a level headliner room be great. Yes. I want to not just a level headliner room I want a theater. Yeah, I think Yeah, I think a theater is the move and I think once we get the theater then we do like a second Westwood type comedy Store, we do mothership West love it. I got on the plane bias Just follies check in like three minutes before my flight, you know, I get on

Frazzled get on the plane, Norman's there. I'm like, Oh, you're here. We're great. We're talking about it. We used to come to Austin only for opening for you or moon tower or moon tower. And that was a party. And now it's a party every time. So why not come a day early? Why not stay a day late? It's a party. You're not here by yourself. The old cap City where you're like, well I'm alone, it's time to get out of here. Tyler Fisher just moved here too. These are funny fish rules. We're going hard. I feel like there's more room. I really do. I feel like there's more room and I want to keep this process of developing new comics.

You need another club though. It's too much. It's overloaded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But with the idea is we're gonna do, we're gonna do other clubs. I think we're gonna keep going. I think we've only been open a year, man. Whoa! It's crazy. We've been open one year and so my, the next stage, I think stage two is a theater, stage three is a second club, like a little bit further out, and we just keep going. Yeah, a little further, a little, a little away. And everybody's gonna benefit. Cap City will benefit, everybody will benefit. The whole idea is like, make this the best playground possible for comedy.

There we go. Now we're talking. Yeah. Best playground possible. You guys keep talking about how it's the best scene. I think we've already kind of accomplished something that I never would have imagined we've been able to pull off. And I think it happened because like the fucking universe made

It possible all the things had to take place. I'd have the Spotify money LA is falling apart the comic stores closed down all those employees were available Everybody wanted to move we started doing shows with Dave outdoors. Then we started doing live shows indoors at the Vulcan all the things like Ron White was already here, so the Godfather was already here. Ron White was here before the pandemic. We were talking about too the outdoor shows, you had to go down to zero and then up to an outdoor show.

You couldn't go down to an outdoor show. You had to go to like, there is no comedy. No shows. And then accept, oh outdoor, not bad. Exactly. And when Dave and I was doing those shows, it was like everybody had to be tested So we tested everyone you had to get there an hour and a half before the show everybody got a test

We sent a bunch of people home that It's got a refund no That was it a stubs Yeah, but once we started doing shows the Vulcan. I was like oh my god We're never going back because it was indoors and the roar the feeling of all the send the Vulcan is like all hard surfaces So everything's like echoing and when you would crush on stage Ron white came off stage He grabbed my shoulders grab both of my shoulders hard, and he goes whatever the fuck we have to do We're gonna keep doing this You gotta open up that club. It was like a moment in a movie and I was like we're opening up a club

100% it was so cool. We had already started talking We already started talking about opening because once I got here was like damn like the Vulcan is beautiful It's a fucking awesome place, but it's just not set up right. I don't own it. I can't just like let it go crazy I can't set up a system of like open micers and like showcases and we gotta have a right club You suck don't do it Ari go pee out there you fucking idiot. I'm telling you this Time yes, but it's already pinched. We gotta get you a catheter. This is out of control I'm Jewish. Have you pissed yet? No, you and I the last the Mohicans. Yeah, you had three I'm Jewish. Have you pissed yet? No you and I the last the Mohicans. Yeah, you had three

Shots of cool. Yeah, I had two espressos. I had three you can hold three years Freak I had it. Well, it's just my body's trained from doing so many podcasts. I'll challenge you over pissing Ari Why do you do this? This isn't cool Piss on the ground did you get piss on the ground Wipe it up Lauren Compton show did you really I told them I'm not allowed legally anymore. You gotta get a new bit I'm not allowed legally any you gotta get new material penis

LAPD what they say they said don't it you can never do that LAPD after the forum show really Los Angeles Penis department how they phrase it what how they phrase it they call me we talked through a lawyer Pulled up the iron dome can't ever do that again And I'm like what about like a club and stuff like it they're like, listen, if you ever do it again, you're going to jail. Whoa! Damn, Lenny Bruce. Jesus, Ari. That could be you, dude. You're an outlaw.

Taking a stand. Taking your weird penis out in public. Breaking the law, breaking the law. You're like a Judas Priest song. Yeah. Jewish. Jewish. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha breaking the law There you go Ari Judas priest was like the thing all the troubled kids in my neighborhood listened to yeah, just brace I think I'm gonna sit around to my brain

cockler Out there is a fortune waiting to be had you better let me know I yeah, you got another Yeah, he was getting and he was a gay who gay who tricked everybody into dressing like a gay biker. He literally made that whole scene where everybody dressed like a gay biker. What was that? What was that? The blue. Here we go.

Royalties. While Ari pisses in a Bud Light bottle. I had a kid that was like real troubled in my high school and this was a song that he put like on his like fucking high school yearbook. You know he had quotes. He tricked everybody into dressing like a gay biker. Stop looking at it. Isn't it weird if your high school is there was no rap? I made sure you were still going.

Rap existed when I was in high school. Rap existed when I was in middle school. But it wasn't like mainstream. Sugar Hill Gang. Hip Hop. No we knew about that show. Oh you did? you mean that song yeah, and then Give me a Function waiting to be had you think I'll let it go y'all mad you got another thing coming This is the rebel song of my high school income

He's gay big gay dude put your fucking dick away bro he wasn't just gay he was gay like leather bicycle outfit what the fuck is that? are you done? you wipe it down?

you gotta get rid of those piss bottles you can't be sleeping here for Jamie did you pee on the table you son of a bitch? You liar that's beer Why what are you doing? Leaky dick having a great conversation. I had to be you didn't have anything to add to it I'll stop being mad about it. I'm sorry Yeah rap I really fell in love with rap when I was on the road

When I started doing stand-up because I like I'd be like driving to gigs Listen like cool G rap and like the old days like 90s hip-hop Nas Like that's when I really got into rap hip-hop is dead. It's not rocket. It's a not Do I'm singing it do do do it's funny. That's what the it's a not it's a not do do do do do I'm singing it do do It's funny. That's what the kids listen to Judas Priest ever losers. We had like Marilyn Manson. Yeah That you'd be like what the fuck yeah, have a worshiper. Yeah Marilyn mother we had a jelly roll popped onto the fully loaded and that was fun

He's an animal crowd that fucking dude is so fun He's such a good dude. He's always at the store or the the mothership. Oh really basically. Yeah store Wow new version of the store. There's a reason the front windshield is bigger than the back windshield look forward not backwards Steel bonds version of him is hilarious Theo does an impression of Jelly Roll you never see him now Jelly jelly rolls inspirational speeches find that it doesn't just win an award It's gotta be like everyone needs to get better The old bar like fucking he was doing the green room the other day. We're on the floor We were crying the over. He's got compilations on YouTube. He's so quick. He's so funny. He's so funny

He's coming here in July. Oh, you're gonna be here in July and he's gonna look for houses Here we go I want to tell you that the wind sound is bigger than the wind you hear at Burberry. Full preacher. He's so full of feelings, bro. He gets up there and he's just like, I just want to tell you. That's it. Beautiful. More than just feelings.

That's more donuts. Yeah, there's a lot going on. There's a lot of things happening there. Great guy. He's been to prison. Really? Yeah, the real deal. Yeah, I think that's why he's so nice. Yes, very nice guy. I think he's so nice. He's so full of love. I think it's because he's experienced so many fucking shit moments in his life. And now he's realizing, you're done, right? Yeah, I'm done. Please. Yeah, he's a good dude dude he looks like if Ralphie may have like a post Malone filter I hope we don't lose them post baloney being that big alone post baloney being that big is dangerous yeah you know whenever we lose people that are so awesome like Patrice or Ralphie or this fuck man that's controllable yeah super fat guys it's like the end is it's

always coming man it's coming scary stuff someone's got you know Joey lost a lot of weight Joey was big at one point oh yeah but you know what's crazy is like that coincided with Joey becoming amazing Joey was like building a football player when I first met Joey he was like built a thug fat became this you mean associate with him becoming amazing? No, he became fat and then he became insanely funny. It all happened at the same time. Like Joey, when I first met him,

was like fresh out of prison and I was on news radio and he was at the store and I met him and I was like bring him to the news radio and he'd be like fucking, he would go into like, there was the green room that was only for the executives fucking he would go into like the there was the green room That was only for the executives and Joey would go in there and eat all the shrimp He's not it was a fucking house man. He was a big dude like big but big like strong and

You know I he fucking he was this guy that like I knew guys like him from New York from are you pissing again? No, what are you doing? Shitting sure everything's safe on the floor. Okay. Hey, yeah, yeah, but he was like like When I was in LA I was like god I was so used to East Coast people that West Coast like actor people it was it was like they were Poison Ivy I was like they were poison ivy. I was like, ugh. They're very, very weird.

I was so confused. Coming from the comedy scene of New York, coming from danger fields and working with Otto and George and Rich Voss and all these animals, and then all of a sudden I'm in LA with these fucking weirdos. It's odd. The weirdest thing about LA comics was like none of them knew sports at all. Well it's like aliens. They were just like pretending to be aliens.

I don't know sports. But you had some sports you like. They were like, I don't know. Dude I literally don't even know the rules. Yeah but you know UFC at least. Yeah but the one thing. But back then that didn't even exist. Back then when I first came to LA there was no UFC. At least you a pool something something yeah, I was in a combat sports. I was in a kickboxing

I knew I could tell you obscure Muay Thai guys But I didn't know anything about sports and people would always give shit about it. It was like like who won the Super Bowl I'm like what one is that? It's over. That's why I was yesterday like oh that was been weird in Boston growing up I'm not knowing the Bruins the Celtics the pate. I don't give a fuck. I think of a fuck really Yeah, actually didn't give I didn't give a fuck anyone. No. I didn't care even chicks care. I think I mean the WBA Yeah, but I was just like no I'd be so sick of Joe Yeah, that'd be my rank

Angel Reese. Isn't it funny that beef is the only thing that's bringing all the attention to WNBA? There's a lot of lesbians. They like that roast beef. Yeah, let them be lesbos. Let it be lesbos. Poor honky. They want to fight, they want to be lesbians.

She's getting pushed around. Boys, around boys time to get some food and Do some fucking jokes yeah? Little early set 516 yeah What eight keep going we could bong no shows at seven we bong We should bong one more with these I like these things tilt you got to tilt it down tilt the war I agree All right tilt it down. Tilt the world. I agree. Alright, tilt it. I don't believe it at all! How many piss cans you got over there? I'm gonna take care of them.

But, five. You know we haven't played in a long time boys. What? Free Bird. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ Yeah, just start it now. We're gonna go full bud light full America Joe full kid rock How much piss did you leave on the floor? What the fuck? What are you doing? You're rapping? Put that in the garbage fucking weirdo Help me, I can't change Wow, wow, wow So good, so good

So good Look at these guys, man They're the kings I'm high Yeah, look at the dixies behind them It wasn't mean anything Free burn, yeah Wait, wait, wait

Whoa, whoa, whoa Wait, wait Jesus Then there's another one Oh wait! There you go! Hahaha Jesus Hehe Then there's another one Norman Break it on Fanny Alright, so you do it It's slightly cracked

Oh shit It's okay If there was one concert That I could ever go see Let's get the JMo! Regular version Can you play it not live?

What are you doing? Oh, the regular version of it? Yeah. Yeah, but so good though, to watch it live. It's so good. But keep going, keep going with that, Jimmy. Keep going with that live version, because I want to see people dancing.

In the meantime, yeah. Look at them all having a fucking time of their lives. God damn, man. There's no fake tits. Tits on YouTube. Real tits. No black people either. Holy shit.

Oakland. I still maintain- That's Oakland? Yeah. This is the greatest guitar solo in the history of the world. Yeah. They're going nuts! They got nothing else.

You know, when they opened up for the Rolling Rolling Stones the Rolling Stones were shitting their pants And this is going on really like God damn And they weren't supposed to go out onto the lip and they went out onto the lip I'm gonna fuck it wait. They told about you. Yeah, it's all not to they're like fuck you They're like we're performing look at that skinny twink just ripping. And all white. God damn this is good. Damn.

I do like the founding fathers looking down like, we did it. Look at that, the crew! And they're from Florida! That's right! Jacksonville, Florida! Dooovo! Florida! Is that where Limp Bizkit's from?

Limp Bizkit? Limp Bizkit's Jacksonville? Jacksonville Beach, yeah. Look at those ladies! Those ladies never been to a crossfit class in their life as pre-ozen big Here goes how do they all stay so skinny cuz they were doing this all night Look at that guy's a rail. It's like a tampon. They weren't eating processed foods They can see the bulge

God damn this is good. What a country. Let's go. Look at these motherfuckers. Open leather vest. Yeah, leather pants. Look at these motherfuckers. Open leather vests. Yeah, leather pants. Leather pants, leather hat.

With the drawstring. The heat. Oh man. Bass player's ripping it. RIP it. What are these guys doing now? Wow, there's a plane crash. Plane crash, Mark Norman.

Fucking 9-11. They're just going to get a little bit of a fight. What are these guys doing now? Wow, there's a plane crash. Plane crash, Mark Norman. Fucking 9-11. They threw right at me. They threw right to the tower. What's the jump? Here comes the jump. Cocaine!

Look at that fucking crowd. Imagine having to follow this. Oakland has changed. Imagine having to follow this Oakland has changed One guy's standing there like what is happening? What am I seeing? Yeah, so many have you ever seen a more enthusiastic crowd? I got one I got one what? Enter same in Moscow Like 500,000 people it's the fall of the Soviet Union we sent rock and roll over there just to be like God 91 Moscow Wow white piano if there was a time though that I go back in time and see a concert this would be it This might be the best guy dude. There's a part in this video where a soldier takes his he's like unbuttoned his uniform

And he's just like 91 This is a year after a heil, honey. I'm home. This is uh let it play. It's right. This is art. Yes. This is it All right, so wow inner salmon live, Moscow 1991 let it play let it play Jmo shit pre Putin look at how many people there are Soldiers everywhere how many people are out there wait for it, dude I'm gonna drink to this America's number one. Oh He's still hot and young before he for Napster before now he should have shut the fuck up about now relax bro

you're a punk oh shit he's got the squat go oh my god look at this crowd! Look at the crowd! That's fully loaded 2028 Outdoor gig Oh shit! He's getting fired Oh my god! I'm ready to run through a fucking wall This hair shake on my back dies dick What happened to rock and roll?

What do we got Coldplay? Here we go Oh my god Oh my god This hair shake on my guy's dick what happened a rock and roll what do we got cold play? Here we go Hiro tech Oh get Joe a beer for Christ's sake God damn Goddamn! Look at that fucking crowd! Sleep with one eye open, watching your pillow tie, and say hello. And tonight, stay with me. What?

What's up, Biss? You're like an orderly. Off to get a new life. That's right. This is why YouTube's great Yeah The only concert come close is like what else you can win Wembley Queen Wembley Queen obviously Billy Joel In Russia when they're trying to tell him like turn it like stop you from dancing

He goes shut the fuck up stop bothering them Billy Joel. Yeah, and he's like throwing his piano over Where was this? No sick. Yeah, he won't do that now Brittany Reiner taught a lot of people a lesson about fucking around in Russia. He goes stop stop shining a light on He did her time like a man Yeah, Wembley Queen, that's the biggest one is that the you know what the sickest one is is uh it's Axl Rose in in Greece it's axl. We're in Athens. Yeah I saw I saw guns and roses in Athens. I was there in a restaurant And I ran into Axel Rose. He was at a restaurant. Yeah, just randomly

I was eating dinner. Yeah, and a friend of mine my friend Brian, Brian Murorescu. He saw him and he goes like Axel Rose is here I try to say hi to him. He's like they shoot And I'm like damn I wonder if Axel knows who I am like should I go say hi? Yeah, I had to walk by his table. Yeah, and I was a little drunk and I walked by his table I was like hey, man. What's up, and he like had this look on his face like and he was like oh, hey What's up? Fuck he knows my name We started talking he's like telling me bits that I did

He's like you want to come to the show? I was like, fuck yeah, I wanna come to the show. And so the next night we saw Axl Rose and fucking Slash and Guns N' Roses. We were backstage. So we watched in Athens, in Greece. What year? Last year. You saw him at a restaurant.

I saw him at a restaurant. Random. Welcome to the restaurant! Random? We can have some drinks! You can have some drinks! Just fucking fully random, ran into him at a restaurant. You can order anything you want! Welcome to the restaurant! We got after drinks! We got after drinks! Just fucking fully random ran into him at a restaurant. I was there with my whole family.

You gotta pay me for this. I took my whole family to see Guns N' Roses. Damn. We had a great time, man. Did the daughters get it? My youngest is a fan of Guns N' Roses. Damn. All the hardcore rock becomes kids music 20 years later. Isn't that weird? Well, you know like like when I was in high school

Everybody was into the doors like I was in high school in the 80s and the doors were in the 60s Yeah, that's how it works like cool shit. What was the cool shit back then? you know everybody was into zeppelin the doors acdc 60s music and cars Like nobody give a fuck about like when I was in high school. Let me go fuck about a 1984 car They wanted 60s cars. That's true. You see a kid now. Jen Z's got a nirvana shirt on a hundred percent Yeah, they don't know what it means now dude. I remember the first time I heard nirvana There's a kid that lived in my neighborhood that used to steal car radios. I was buying a car radio from him.

Nice. And it was back when they had those Blancpunk stereos that would like pull out like the fucking. Oh yeah. I bought it when it was stolen. So I bought a stolen one and I installed it myself. Oh, you did the wires. That's how we got connected.

And so. I had my stereo for four years. So I was over this dude's house. I was over this dude's house with my friend Jimmy and he's like, you gotta listen to this man. And so I Was over this dude's house my friend Jimmy and he's like you gotta listen to this man listen to this shit This is the new shit. It was Nirvana and we were like in his house. We like whoa Sound it was a different sound. It was like a different like scrunch. Oh, yeah, this and it killed hair bands Yeah, old them good poison and they court killed him like poor killed poisoned Poison poison shot. I can't believe she did that mark. I say allegedly allegedly allegedly. It's really important

You ever see that documentary? Yeah Allegedly definitely did it Was this already a library was 1992 yeah I remember the first time I heard that I was like holy shit They were so different. It was so cool. The real deal. He fucked a retard in high school. Yeah, they made that documentary on HBO Me Fucked a retard in high school. Yeah, they made that documentary on HBO about it It's not what she was cool though. It's unfortunate. I fucked a retard, no documentary about me Oh my This is last night It will be after this

It was a different sound Yeah, it was totally a different sound No no no no no Eeeeee, I love this Should we do this all the time? Great head, you got a big head. Great head. Oh, Jesus.

There's like times in history where like new sounds emerge. And usually it's because of drugs. Or someone went back to the future. Ooo. This is the sound. When I work with Phil Hartman, Phil Hartman was a cleaning pools.

He used to work at Whiskey of GoGo when he was like 18 years old. What? Get out of here. Phil was in charge of making sure that the speakers didn't fall off the stage. So Hendrix, Whiskey had a little stage,

and Hendrix was on stage, and Phil's job, when he was 18 years old, was to stand there and keep his hands up in case someone went crazy and kicked the speaker, didn't fall into the crowd. So Phil's job was to stand on the edge of the stage, like right there, and he said, and fucking Hendrix was right above me. So this is like 1969

And I remember he was smoking pot is back when I didn't even smoke weed Smoking pot in the green room or in his dressing room rather at news radio Yeah, yeah, he smoked oh yeah, he loved to smoke weed. He would smoke weed and go strip clubs Yeah, yeah, Phil Hartman took dude took me to strip club and he smoked weed and he would treat the ladies as if they were displaying amazing works of art He was so happy if a dude actually I don't like when a dude next to me is horny I don't like when he's next to me at all. I know but I'm saying like if a dude was like wow if you knew that guy If you knew him it wouldn't bug you, but he told me the story about him. He's 18 years old

He's working at the whiskey and Hendrix was on stage in front of him. He's like I was watching crazy from like four feet away Damn, yeah, and just stand out This is like Hendrix when he emerged like all of a sudden. There's like this you with using like Nirvana was a new sound We like from Buddy Holly love love me do Voodoo child. Yeah, you know My pig see you you went from that to a voodoo child Yeah, it was bizarre like it's a big jump even like take rock and roll add drugs move But people that like were like rock stars would go to see him But people that like were like rock stars would go to see him

Eric Clapton went to see him was like what am I doing right? What the fuck am I doing like look at this guy? It's like a kinesin. Yeah Cosby and then this fat preacher shows Young comedian special it was like Bob whatever sag it now some guy with like big shoulder pad He put balloons in his arm like this is the Nelson he's like oh and then sag it was on there and then and then Kinnison was like hey I'm about to change everything now with these six minutes. Yep, just be real and then dice sold out the garden. Yep Yep, yeah, those guys those two guys they hated each other was crazy. Really? Yeah, that's alpha ego I know so stupid it happens but

back then everybody was so scared it was all dog eat dog that could only be one right I was all like yeah to get on the tonight show yeah there's no internet yeah and then also there was no like arena comics they didn't write Steve Martin got in there then got out he ran over me and Nate went over to Spade's house for incident bloody championship game, the football game, and then we were looking, he's got like a museum of his stuff and it was him and Rock doing, even at the improv. Wow.

And Nate was like, so you did improvs back then? And he was like, dude, no one did theaters then. That wasn't even an idea. Yeah. You would do six days in an improv instead of two. Yeah. If you were successful. It wasn't even a thought that you could do it

I think Dane was the first guy that did like arenas regular regular really yeah, well maybe dice No dice dice for sure and then nobody for 25 years But nobody for a while and then Dane came along and then Dane started doing arenas when was blue-collar that changed it up, too They were there too. That was a little bit after that and then and kings of comedy and Ron white just emerged emerged from that yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah like a feeling when Ron white goes on stage at the fucking mothership in Austin, Texas They know he's from Texas people go. Yeah fucking crazy, but it's also like he's not Resting on that he's part of the reason why I'm here man Yeah, because when Ron told me about he moved here in like 2017

And I'd call him up. I'm like what the fuck you doing. He's like well man. I fucking love it here I don't have to travel I can fucking fly when I fly. It's like in the middle of the country It's great people are nice foods amazing, and I was like shit I started thinking like I can live in Texas like now you got to rethink like I have to be in LA Thinking like maybe I can live in Texas. I was like now you got to rethink like I have to be in LA Yeah, I was at back then like the podcast was the only thing that I'd ever did that was really like taking off I was like I can't move I have to stay here. That's crazy. Yes. You were relying on your guest You do you guys like to you it was like weird It was like this is this thing that I'm doing that all sudden is popular

Yeah, I can I never thought it was gonna be it's just like all of a sudden it happened It wasn't a plan at all like are there in the beginning we opened up a laptop with a fucking webcam Get in here get closer because we won't be on camera otherwise and the whole thing was just for fun Yeah, it was almost like I felt like a magnet was 600 people are watching That's so yeah, then you get a red band It's like a thousand people two thousand people and then it was just dreaming and then I remember I was on stage at the Chicago Theater this is like years later, and I didn't still didn't understand how many people watch cuz I never looked at the numbers Yeah, I was like I don't look at the numbers like I don't I just want to do it do my best That's it. I'm on stage at the Chicago and it and it sold out. It's like 3,700 people.

So I was telling the story, I go, how many of you guys listen to the podcast? And it just went, yeah! Whoa! And I'll never forget that day, I was like, whoa. What year was that? 2011. 2000.

Yeah, bro. Somewhere around then, I was like, oh shit. That's wild. I was like, this is crazy. I was like this is crazy and then I started really what am I doing yeah let's get a table don't ever ask yeah I didn't ask yeah I didn't know that story that's great it was a weird story because the whole time when we first started doing microphones yeah we had microphones the first we had one microphone that would sit on the table.

Oh yeah, a ball mic. Yeah, and then eventually we got microphones. And then we eventually moved it into one of my spare bedrooms. And then eventually I said, OK, too many weird, people are coming to my house. This can't be happening anymore. Oh, I remember that. You're like, too many porn stars around my kids.

Weirdos. Too many weirdos. We got to do this at some kind of a place. Yeah, you're like, wait, you're buying a separate place to do this thing. I know I was like what I remember people Tell me why spending money on this I'm like why do you care what I'm spending money on yeah What kind of question is this yeah, and there was no future in it Wasn't even like it's like there was no money in it no money Like it's like there was no money in it no money

Advertiser it was nobody listening So what was it what kept driving you was fun? It was fun, but it was also like a magnet I really believe there's a man. I think that sometimes fate pulls you into a certain direction I think that's horseshit But I think there might be a little bit of something to that now like maybe you can say that after you've done it And it's become successful always fate fate but I don't know man. Well I've gone back because they're all still there. Listen to the old ones. And they're old as shit and like you get like a Bill Burr and you guys are connecting on another level. It's weird because it's not about like oh there's a million people listening. It just felt like a conversation. It was so fun. But

that's the thing it's like if you can just keep that and never pay attention to how many people are listening. But it wasn't even an inkling of like, oh wait, hold on, I'm not sure if this is true about Doug Stanhope. Exactly. It'd be like, I don't know, let's just say it. It's just talking and 12 people listening. And again, like half the times when you're talking, you don't even know what you're saying

while you're saying it. Like, okay, I gotta figure this out, like make this sound like a real sentence. Yeah. We had no experience, and then Ari was always telling me how to edit it. Yeah You should make a lesson an hour and correct nobody wants to watch But I was incorrect Minutes or less it was that was the thing back then yeah people didn't think that anybody had an attention span I was like they're like this is the way it goes

And then I'm like okay. Don't listen. I Just know I'm just so so like well look you just stop it now Yeah, but I was always just so stubborn I was like I'm every time anybody's told me to do something different than my instincts. It's always been wrong So I'm just gonna not listen to anybody ever who do before in between shows and then like and then like hey I gotta go on Joey and and Rogan keep going and then I get off Yeah, it was on now me and Rogan are gone and then the ice house

Yeah, and cobs upstairs at comes and then well Rogan would go on and me and Joey would do for a while on a plane Yeah, we swap cast and we did it with the iPhone we did with an iPhone Just recorded with the audio only yeah, and then God damn the people around us was like lower your voices What are you doing? Stewardess in My biggest regrets is not asking her if she's ever seen someone fucking a bathroom We would like She's ever seen someone fucking a bathroom When we said it was a podcast they were like what does that mean? What is that? Nobody knew what it was? Hey, so what are we doing later? It was like, so I was at the Stan Hoax House?

No! Why did he do that? I thought this was a private jet. No. No, no, no. This would piss me off so much. No, no, no. We were sitting in first class.

We did one on the way. We did one on a regular, then we did one on the way to Australia. It's not a private jet. That's a bunch of people. We did one on the way to Australia. And I opened up a box of fucking muffins, of marijuana muffins. Marijuana muffins allegedly allegedly opened it up and it the whole first-class

Go to jail forever One of the beautiful things about podcasts is a lot of times we lie. There's a lot of allegedlys. There's a lot of allegedlys involved. A lot of theatrical, you know. Comedians. Literature. Fiction. It's a lot of fun. I gotta piss.

So let's end this. I beat you on the piss. I love you guys to death. Norman beat you on the piss? I love you guys to death. You're yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah the best Parks to say the world is a just a we love you always yeah, God bless America Go see Queen live