The Joe Rogan Experience - #2176 - Chad Daniels

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

Chad Daniels is a stand-up comic and a host of the "Middle of Somewhere" and "Pretend Problems" podcasts. Watch his new special, "Empty Nester," on Netflix. www.chaddaniels.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Joe Rogan Experience. Hello Chad. Hi. What's happening man? Nothing much. Nice to meet you in person. Yeah, likewise. We were already chatting about how Google is totally listening to me.

Right. Confirmed, 100%. Because your Google News feed is always like stuff that you're interested in, pretty much. But I was having a conversation with my wife about purses, and she was explaining to me that certain purses, you can't just buy the purse, you have to develop a relationship with the store owner. I was like, what? I don't get that.

You think if you're trying to sell stuff, you'd want to sell it right when they came in. Exactly. I don't get it. But there's a thing that certain like posh people really love and it's exclusivity They love it. I'm the only one they can get this watch I'm the only one they can get this fucking purse or whatever it is so anyway All of a sudden Google starts showing me purse things They start showing me all this stuff about purses I didn't I didn't look anything up about purses I just had a conversation with the phone set the

dinner table that's crazy yeah happens all the time it's really like in your feet you're like oh my forearms are too small next thing you know you got these flexi deals and the gorilla grip deal thingy that spins around there's no doubt it happens there's 100% no doubt it happens because that that is the only explanation for that showing up because generally it's always the same stuff Same kind of things that I'm interested in stuff that I click on UFOs MMA you know some new car something it's like makes sense and shows up my new and I'm like why are they showing me three different Articles about purses fuck is going on Creeps yeah different articles about purses. The fuck is going on? Are you fucking creeps?

Yeah. Ew. Ew. Is that legal? How's that work? Do you have to sign off on that on the app? Like if you're using the Google News app, are you signing off on that?

There are multiple ways that you may have opted in to something that's allowing that to happen, yeah. Jesus. I haven't read any of those things. No, I scroll to the bottom, hit the thing. If you read them, you're a psycho. If you're sitting there, forever. Yeah. Like how big is the Apple? It's three, three full scrolls. Yeah. Apple's pretty good about stuff. I think they're probably the best about that because they're the first company that actually stepped in and said, we're going to stop companies from being able to share your information.

They're the first that did. What exactly did they do, Jamie? They made some sort of a big deal. It was an advertising move and a lot of people got pissed off with them for it. It might have been the ability to opt out. I think they might have given you the option to opt out on the settings of the iOS for the first time. I'll check.

Something like that. I think you're right. Something like that. But a bunch of people like this is going to affect our advertising. But yeah, you guys are stealing money. Stop doing that. I spend my mornings going through my emails unsubscribing

to stuff. Yeah. This is too much. There's companies. Like, there's one of our ads. Which one is that? They'll go out and find the subscriptions. Which one is that?

Jamie will find it. Oh, like they go find it and let you know what you're subscribed to? And you're like, oh, National Geographic still? You know, whatever it is. Whatever. Oh, god. I am leaking money.

I'm sure apparently everybody is It's just you get so accustomed to subscribing a guy a little be easy. I'll get the cereal every month Yeah, no shit. I'm five years into a lot of week-long subscriptions free subscription. Yeah, well that was how they used to get Do you how old do you 49? Okay? You might be old enough to remember. I'm 56. Do you remember those Columbia record house deal? Oh, hell yeah Nobody paid for that. How did they make any money? I still have collection coming in everybody does I feel like that was a way that they made artists seem more popular than they were I think that was part of their deals. They could say say they sold you know millions and millions of records I also think it was probably a way that they could rip artists off

Because they could say we lost all this money on Columbia like they could like factor it in You know and say I know it seems like you sold a million copies, but actually 400,000 of them are Columbia and nobody's paid for them the MC hammer clause, right? Is that what it was? I don't know but he's that guy did he did that happen to him? I know that his record deal screwed him overhead at five for bankruptcy all that stuff. Oh Yeah, that's right He went full MC hammer to he went crazy like he was like getting some house built I remember it was like the most extravagant house

He had like this super expensive marble that was being brought in and you know, and then they just, I guess they pulled the rug out from under him. Yeah, that's wild. Those dirty bastards. I don't know the whole story behind them, empty hammer thing, but they for sure

don't wanna pay you all that money. Oh no way. If you look at royalties for comics It's point zero zero like fifteen zeros and then one cent Oh, yeah, you get nothing for audio for comedy audio you get nothing. You get nothing. It's always been like that though It's you know, especially comedy albums after like 1980 fucking bought comedy albums. I mean, I don't know but it's like Plus the lawsuit, you know about the lawsuit

They had to take a bunch of people off of Pandora and Spotify and everything because of the the lawsuit that they went they were trying to get writer and performance credits Who was trying to get it just a company it was I Who was trying to get it? Just a company. It was, I can't remember what it's called. Jamie can find it. Okay. So what else were you finding?

Experian was the company that does the subscription. Okay, Experian. That's good to know. Yeah, so they'll find your subscriptions and they'll yank them. So what is the company that's doing this? So you had all these royalties coming in and then all of a sudden, this company, there was like a bunch of estates,

like the Robin Williams estate, I think maybe George Carlin, they were like, hey, we should be getting more money for this because it's 50-50 split, but songwriters are getting a writer credit and a performance credit. Right. And so they wanted comics to do that, but that doesn't really make sense because comedians are like, I'm not using your bits like right And so you wouldn't get a writing credit for my performance, right?

So it was strange and so then Pandora was like fuck this we're pulling everything down and pulled a bunch of guys off Including including myself, but I still don't totally understand So who wanted the credit like when you say writer and then performer credit was that to the comics so the comics would get paid Twice. Yeah, okay, so instead of like an artist that didn't write their song the comics are like No, we deserve to get paid twice because we created the entire content exactly but Pandora was like no We can't do that right because the writers I mean like when you're singing a song and someone else wrote right that makes sense right right But no one's doing anybody's bits right right like I can't sit up here and do a Hedberg bit and if you are you probably bought them from them

You know yeah, so there was some sort of agreement. Yeah. Yeah, I bought a heckle line once from a buddy of mine Back in Boston. It's such a dumb line Brian Frazier the comedian the joke was it's this is like to someone in the audience that's heckling you like this is my impression of God when he made You okay, just a dash of cunt. Oh, no the cap fell off too much cunt How much did you pay for it? I don't remember. I think it was $500. I Don't remember, but it was such a great line. I was like that's a hilarious line. He's like I'll never use it I go sell it to me. I'll fucking use it

But uh, you know, I was like a year into comedy I was like for you know when you're a year into comedy anything that works. It's like you have tools You have just like a toolbox. Yeah, anything that works. They're so precious. You're so scared to write new ones. Ah Yeah, you're like start to freak out and then you're like, oh this come and go gas station bit always works. Right. You know, so you fall back on that. Right, and it even that sucks. You know, it's kind of like the problem is like when you're starting out, you say things in a very specific way and that might not be the best way to say that bit, but that's the way you're kind of stuck saying it. That is a problem with bits.

Sometimes when you create, even today, I'm working on a new one and I'm like, I don't know about this. I feel like there's another way to say this and I'm just banking on the way that I've been saying it over and over and over again and maybe I should just abandon it and let it sit there for a bit and come back to it. So I didn't work summers for a long time. I have two kids and when they were in high school, I'd always be home during the summer.

And I found that in September, I would always be able to fix bits a little bit better because I let them sit. I almost forgot about them. You know how it starts. And then your brain is like, I have to get to this point, but I can't remember how I got there.

Right. And so then you start to put it together a little differently. And they're probably working in the back of your head subconsciously too, because even though you're not doing comedy for three months, you're still probably thinking, in three months, I'm going to do comedy. Yeah, I think so.

Because yeah. So it's probably working in the background. Most likely. Yeah, for sure. I mean, that's what they say sleeping on it is all about. Yeah, like if you're a piano piece, if you can't figure it out, you play it before you go to bed a bunch of times

And then all of a sudden the next morning you wake up, and you're like fiddle it is There's been a few times where I woke up at the middle of the night to pee and I realized how to fix a joke Yeah, it's just like all sudden you're like oh, that's it. That's it. It just needed one more little ingredient It is a fun eureka moment when you fix a bit What is it? Where's it coming from like where's it? Where's the joy coming from? No, where's the where's the ideas coming from? Where the fuck are they coming from? I think they do sit. I think there's a part back there

that's just constantly going and we don't hear about it. And then when it's done, they're like, get it to the fucking front. Yeah, but but the even the creation of an idea is so mysterious. I mean, that's why people invoke the concept of the muse. You know, that's why people invoke the concept of the muse. You know, that's the Stephen Pressfield, he like swears by it. That the war of art book is all about the muse,

about summoning the muse when you write. There's something weird going on, I'll tell you that, because it seems like they just like enter into your head like a photon, like some shit from space, just doot, all of a sudden it's in there and like, oh, that was an idea. And even though it's your idea idea like I take credit for writing like I'll take credit for fixing jokes I'll take credit for like going up

I always feel like I can't really take credit for the original idea the original idea is almost like this little gift Absolutely, you know like you see something somebody's doing something and you go. Oh shit, and that's spark something and you just yeah All right I gotta write this down. Sometimes you just say it out of nowhere You just say it like you don't even know why you're saying it. You're just saying it Yeah, and it's like you didn't even think that much it just came out Yeah, there's times where you on stage Where you're just all of a sudden riffing a bit and you hit them with something and they start clapping you're like Oh god damn. Thank god god I'm recording this.

Oh yeah, sometimes. Sometimes that's the best part of the bit. And you're like, what the fuck is going on? Like, how is that the best part of the bit? It's almost like you're playing chess in your head and you are seven steps ahead but you don't even know it. Right. It's a weird fucking art form, weird art form.

It's one of the only art forms where almost everybody writes their own stuff. Like, if you think about musicians, there's a lot of musicians who write their own music and they're kind of revered, right? Musicians, when you go to see a musician, like a singer, songwriter, and they write their own stuff and you sit there and you're like, wow, this person crafted this in their mind and practiced it alone. And, you know, there's something like magical about that. But you can go see like a really talented singer that has writers that write for them. And they're great too, but you don't feel the same, you know?

No, because you feel like you're good at playing the guitar. You have a great voice. You're good at making someone else's work. Like I used to audition for stuff. I am fucking toilet at auditioning. It's the truth. I go in there and it's somebody else's words. And I'm just every you can hear the people in front of you They're getting huge laughs. I go in there nothing. I don't know

I I don't think I'd be a good singer of someone else's song. I think I'd have to write it I Never wanted to be an actor had zero acting No wishes no dreams. No aspirations zero Just wanted to be a comic and then I got a development deal from doing MTV Okay, and then because this development deal. I want to be an honest sitcom So I went my point is I did two auditions ever One was for a show called hardball I got that show and that show got canceled and another one was for a show called news radio

And I got that show yeah, and that was the only two that I had ever done good for you It was the nuttiest thing of all time people would get so mad at me. I'm like look. I just stepped in shit I got super lucky like they were looking for a Cocky baseball player for this show on Fox and I went in and they met me and they're like, oh, this is the guy and then I did this show where I played a Mentally challenged conspiracy theorist maintenance guy at a radio station that was perfect, too

Yeah, I was like I got these they always sent me in for these auditions where it's like I Was 30 something years old and it would be 22 good-looking and you're like what the fuck am I doing here? I went in one time and it was like an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot oh god and so I go in and I'm looking around everyone's a foot taller than me chiseled jawline I'm like there's just agents will throw anything at the wall I went in a bylaw I definitely did a bunch of auditions after those shows that I didn't wind up getting like for movies and stuff like that they're all so weird you're in a room with someone and then you know you have to

improvise sometimes they ask you to improvise like look this is neat. One time I went in for the reading and the the PA was his kid it's not the kids fault you know he's reading the script he's terrible and you're supposed to be reacting and he's barely getting the sentence right and then you're supposed to be reacting and he's barely getting the sentence, right? Right, and then you're supposed to have this realistic reaction to this, you know And then they were like, you know, I want you this is what the guy said He goes I want you to get you very excited. Your friend is getting married. You're very excited I want you to write down a piece of paper, you know get married

You're trying to talk him into getting married and I'm go you so you want me to do this with this guy I go look if you want to bring in an actor and me and an actor can fuck around I'll go do I go He's barely getting through these conversation. This is silly, then I was like I don't want to be an actor I'm like I've realized like why am I even here? Yeah, I don't want to do this you get the fuck out of here nowhere in real life Yeah, nowhere in real life would somebody go I'm thinking about getting married and your response is you gotta get married. It's crazy. Yeah, it was a dumb script. The movie was terrible. But a friend of mine was in it and I was like, I'll be fun to do a movie with them. And then but going on the audition,

like what am I doing? It was just one of those movies was just it was written for fake people. It was written in some weird way for people that don't exist. I was like, you're trying so hard to make people talk and think this way. These aren't real people. This is bizarre. Every person in this movie is totally disingenuous. Every word that you wrote for them

is not like anything people ever say. This movie sucks. It fucking sucks. And it looks like you wrote it on adderall and you're just trying to make some money And why am I here yeah? Have you seen the show suits? I have not okay? So they say they have this really weird cadence where they'll say and I'm not gonna goddamn do it They use goddamn in front of stuff, and it's but it's every character Oh, and so you're like how did all these people meet that you Know it's it's like it's current. Yeah, I think it's still on I think it just had a thing come on

Oh, that's bad writing or a bunch of people that are like really easily influenced, you know, yeah That's like that's where accents come from like one fucking dude Probably talked a certain way and everybody's like that guy sounds cool I was all about this too. I was I was reading that some people have a thing in their head where when they're talking to someone with an accent to make that person feel more comfortable they start to speak in the accent without even knowing. Oh yeah for sure. Yeah definitely. Yeah I mean when I was a kid I would switch accents like when I moved to new places

I realized I only lived in Boston for like six years and I was 19 and I was on television for this thing that I did and I heard myself on TV and I was like you I had no idea my accent was so strong. It's like yuck a Boston accent. Yeah, it was terrible It's not interesting. So I killed it for the most part until I get a couple of drinks in me Yeah, that's the same with me you put whiskey in me and I get a little Canadian Yeah, especially if I'm around my friends from Boston where I'll talk shit to each other mm-hmm those guys talk shit Yeah, yes fucking quack sack yeah the best place to do stand-up because to develop there like you're you are that treadmill is going You got to hop on you got to move get moving

Everybody's moving nobody in the audience has any attention span. They don't want to hear you dilly-dally and Pontificate up there. They want fucking jokes hammer me. I got to go to work tomorrow. Yeah, they're all tired I love doing comedy Boston blue collar. It's a great. It's a great It's not even necessarily blue collar because there's a lot of like white collar people to come to Shows too. It's just like work ethic. There's a when you have to shovel your car out of snow every fucking year You have work ethic you can't get up at 8 o'clock to be at work at 9 No, you have to get up at 7 because you got an hour of shoveling to do out defrost the windshield Yeah, you gotta do all that shit. You gotta start the car up. Let it run heat the inside to defrost the windshield get the fucking scraper and then you're out there on a

Fucking skating rink your streets a skating rink You have to drive five miles an hour and you have to make sure that you hit the brakes before Way before the car in front of you. Are you gonna cause a pileup? I saw so many pileups, man Yeah, whoo god. I am Minnesota lived in Minnesota Oh my god, you seen it's just non-stop. I think Minnesota is the number one state where people die in deer accidents Is that is it? No, no deer on the road. Oh god. Yeah, I would I would think that it's either Michigan or Minnesota I forget which one but but those places you'd grow up in a place

like that man you develop some resilience those are different human beings you grow up in fucking Florida the only thing you have to worry about the sky becomes an angry God every couple of years yeah I remember I Pennsylvania oh wow damn one in 38 chance of hitting an animal so you drive for two months you're gonna hit one in West Virginia West Virginia, Pennsylvania is 1 in 59. That's still high that but 1 in 38 is crazy 1 in 38 means every month you're hit fucking dear So crazy that is so crazy. It doesn't mean that it means

Overall the time of your life one in 38 But that's a lot. I've never hit a deer. It's probably stupid to put out into the universe Yeah, but I've never hit I've never hit one either. I did hit a squirrel once I felt so bad Little guy was moving left and juking left and right not sure and I'm like come on fucker. Don't do this Don't do this, and he did it and I felt the thump. I'm like oh, no I look back and I see his little legs kicking But you know what? vultures have to eat too That's what that's what that's all about you know absolutely

That's a weird thing too when you see a dead animal and you're like oh And then you come back like 20 minutes late you see these monsters hovering over it devouring. They're so gross. Pulling everything out. Oh, have you ever seen a Tibetan sky funeral? Bro. In Tibet, I don't know which religion, I don't know what they're practicing, but they have this ritual called the Tibetan sky funeral.

And instead of burying people what they do is they chop them up and they feed them to vultures. What the fuck? Yeah, and there's graphic video of this online because it's like this big ritual. So this graphic video of these dudes with these like giant cutting boards and fucking cleavers hacking up people and there's a swarm of vultures all around them. So they're hacking up body parts. And then these vultures are just

devouring these human beings. And we think it's gross, right? But isn't it grosser that you waste the body? Dump it, yeah. What is this, Jamie? A video of it. Oh, it's a video of it. That guy looked a little too cute to be there. I was like, what are you doing? I thought it was a movie so look at these look at all these vultures Jesus

This is like when pelicans follow a fishing boat. Oh, they are 100% know what's going on because they've been doing it all the time Let's do tourist attraction in some part of China Jesus Christ Tourist attraction there they go. So then I'm gonna show you hacking the guy up. You got it. But there's plenty of other videos that are more documentary style that show like very graphic images of this person,

just hacking apart this bot. How big? How big do they cut the pieces? Just like chunks. And the vultures, they're all you saw how they are They're like piranha. They're all just on it. Yeah, and they just devour everything they devour the bones. They devour everything Isn't that better though? I mean look nobody wants their loved one to be reduced to meat

You know But is it better that you're taking your loved one and you're pumping them filled with some toxic chemical that makes it so that they'll never your loved one and you're pumping them filled with some toxic chemical that makes it so that they'll never never rot. You can exhume them years later and find fentanyl traces and shit like if you believe if you believe like in something else like something's going on after life was right. I mean the soul is gone anyways. It's right. It's the vessel that you're putting in the ground or letting vultures eat. And if you believe that this person was murdered like do a better job now Like how much time do you need? You know do it and film it and get get all your I guess maybe like that remember that HBO show

Autopsy driven by sure there's a great show by this guy dr. Michael bad and and dr. Michael bad would always catch like Husbands that poisoned their wives would always catch like husbands that poisoned their wives secretly or wives that had poisoned all their husbands and people that kill people like in secret sneaky ways and gotten away with it. And then he gets on the case and he finds like really crazy, crazy examples. One of them was this one guy. And after his wife had died, I don't even know if it was his wife, it was maybe his girlfriend, but he kept buying cases of perfume and no one could figure out why this guy was doing this, but he left his wife

in the bed and never reported that she was dead and kept fucking her and put like a mask on her and then eventually put like some artificial vagina down there and the perfume, he was pouring perfume on her to mask the decay. put like some artificial vagina down there and the perfume he was pouring perfume on her to mask the decay and so eventually finally they caught him but they got this images of what used to be his wife with like a mask on the face and there was clothes on what's left of this body and then there's this like tube where the vagina is and this fucking psycho was banging her corpse and like passing out from the smell and just

Cases of perfume this dude just pouring perfume all over her corpse. I feel like I could solve that crime You have to be in the room. I mean you have to be like in the neighborhood or something You have to have you ever smelled a body when I was a kid The apartment that we lived in in New Jersey This this guy died on the one of the floors and the smell is insane It's so specific It's so different a rotting human body apparently has a very unique odor in like the Coroners and the guys they called in that like when there's a smell they know what it is right away.

They got this person. It's different than a dog. Yeah, I was going to say mice die in my garage and I can't go in there for two days. Yeah, I mean it sucks. So a person Oh my god, it's it was horrible. It's the whole hallway. You couldn't specify like where it was coming from from it was like a skunk. You know it was everywhere the whole hallway Just wreaked this like it was just like the universe letting you know get out of there It's giving you this smell not just in New Jersey. I mean that hallway sure it was it's giving you That's the smell of death. It's a very specific smell. You know how the guy died. I don't remember I was a little kid. No, I think I was five at the time, but I just I'll never forget that smell. I was like, whoa! Because he was in there for a while, you know, he's some loner. He just fucking one day kicked the bucket and took a while for anybody to figure it out and they figured it out because

of the smell. And then how long did it take him to get him out of there? I don't remember. I was too little. I don't remember. But it was a very, very specific smell. It was gross. But it is weird what we do. It's weird that Joey Diaz was trying to lay this out to me. He's like, Joe Rogan, it's a fucking scam. This is the scam. Even if you want to get cremated, they got to embalm you first. They got to embalm you first.

And you're going to buy a urn. They got you. They got you for 10, 14, 15 grand every time. They're gonna tell you your grandfather wants a beautiful coffin. He's fucking dead. What are we doing? It's like this weird thing that everybody does

where you have to get your person embalmed and then you get them made up. Which is- Yeah, the creepiest. My daughter has a friend who, her boyfriend's sister died And they she's getting into makeup and hair for a living and they asked her to do the makeup and hair of the dead Sister my god, why the fuck would you like someone has to sign up for that? Yeah, that has to be your very specific job

That's not regular makeup. Yeah, it's not like you go into you know, like a great clips or something and ask somebody like, Hey, my grandpa died. Can you come help? Right? I might haunt you for the rest of your life, especially if you know the person. Absolutely. I'd like a Viking funeral. Oh, Viking funerals dope. But a Viking funeral, again, you're kind of wasting the body. If you just put it in the ground, that's what's supposed to happen. You're supposed to go back to nature. I guess a Viking funeral, eventually you get back into the system. You just take in the long run. Yeah, you turn back into carbon again

This is gonna take so much time But you're going right into microbes and essentially what's inside of you starts eating you first if I'm not mistaken I think all the bacteria in your body start you start breaking down from that stuff I think a lot of weird things happen But then the stuff on the outside figures out you're dead and then the soil starts devouring you going for it Have you seen the people that get put into trees? Yeah That makes sense makes sense or like a diamond yeah get pressed down But trees definitely live well off of fertilizer and comes from dead animals Yeah, they eat they eat what's there. They

take it in, suck it up, which is what fertilizer is, which is why our food sucks, because we give them fake food. We basically feed our processed food processed food, right? Because nitrogen is what we, you know, we take nitrogen and a bunch of other bullshit chemicals and we pour it on this dead topsoil So that these poor corn can survive and then we eat the corn is like no nourishment. They're like what are we doing? Yeah, I remember like in third grade They taught us about crop rotation and you're driving by these fields and you're like this has been fucking corn since I was in third grade It's no way you can rotate huh yeah, that's what they're all doing in the regenerative farms regenerative farms

They move everything around that's how you're supposed to do it That's how everyone's done it from the beginning of time What is that? Mushrooms that eat your body But they're gonna bomb you man unless you live in a place that lets you opt out of that Unless this is for another country. what are the laws in America? Let's find out what the laws are when you die do they have to embalm you? Because this is what Joey was saying, but that might have been very specific it might be regional

You know it might be like certain cities they embalm you before you go into a cooker. Yeah, that's what you're saying Oh, I didn't know that I thought thought you just went in. It's not required by law. Not required, but they probably talk to you anyway then. That's probably what it is. It says, in fact, the FTC funeral law forbids any funeral home from stating the contrary. Interesting, that's because they've done it. Oh, absolutely.

All they're trying to do is shame you, make you feel bad. Listen, you have to embalm them before you cremate them. Your grandfather came in here earlier and told us he wanted to be embalmed. Is it necessary? According to federal law, it's forbidden to declare that embalming can entirely stop the process of decomposition. But that's different.

But that's probably why I guess though. Right. It's entirely forbidden to declare that a bomb. But is it mandatory? Is embalming mandatory? I was giving more context. It's not required by federal law in the United States. And no funeral homes can claim that it is.

That's interesting. However, there are some circumstances where embalming may be required. State law. OK, some states require embalming if the body is not refrigerated or is held in transit for one to 24 hours. Other states require embalming if the death was caused by a contagious disease

or if the remains are being transported between states. So funeral homes require embalming. If the family chooses a service with the... Okay, that's probably visitation, open casket, that makes sense. Cemeteries may require embalming if the remains are being tombed in a mausoleum. Ew. Yeah, that's a lot. Embalming can help their loved ones see their loved ones for the last time. You know what? I have only been to one funeral

where I saw one of my loved ones, it was my grandfather. And I was like, he is not there. Like, whatever they left there, that is just not... That's not my grandpa. He's gone. Yeah, when they say, oh, he looks so natural. Well, he wasn't fucking orange when I knew him. Fuck, no. No. He does not look natural. He's gone. Yeah when they go he looks so natural well He wasn't fucking orange when I knew him fuck no no he does not look natural. He looks weird Yeah, there's like a part of you that knows that whatever a person is in their soul. Whatever a soul is It's off. Yeah, that's gone. It's off. Yeah, it's gone, and it's weird

It's a weird feeling that you get when you're on a dead body. It's like especially one that you knew so well. Oh, yeah It's a wake-up call. You know, because you just realized like oh my god Like this is this this comes for everyone one day everyone in your life Yeah, he's gonna go like that. And if you're lucky you're gonna see it. Is that what the lock is? You know if you live long enough, I was um, switching phone numbers the other day and I was going over my phone, my contact list, and there's so many people in there that are dead. I kept pulling out people that were dead. I was like, oh, he's gone.

He's gone. God damn. It was crazy. How long has it been since you switched last time? Well, it's just I got a bunch of old numbers from dudes that I haven't talked to in forever. When you have an iPhone, you just keep getting a new number and you just somehow another all the numbers come with you there were so many of my friends that are dead so so sobering you

know when you just start counting the numbers like oh fuck nor McDonald oh fuck you know and you just go through all of it you're like fuck fuck he's gone too you know yeah I'm getting to the age where that's about to start happening I think it happens you know and sometimes it happens And you do not see it coming and hits you like a train especially when they take their own life you like what? Yeah Jesus Christ And then there's always that guilt of like fuck. Maybe if I talk to him. Maybe if I had one

conversation that guilt of like, fuck, maybe if I talked to him, maybe if I had one conversation, or maybe that's just your ego. Yeah, because I think once you're over that line, I don't think there's a lot of pulling it back. Perhaps, but I think every circumstance is different. Yeah, I guess there's that one dude that used to live by a bridge, and he would go out and talk guys off the ledge, and so I guess maybe that is. It was one guy that jumped, and he would go out and talk guys off the ledge and So I mean, I guess maybe that it was one guy that jumped and he lived

He's one of the rare guys that lived and he said as he jumped he'd realized what a horrible mistake He made and he wanted to take it back, but he couldn't and he lived but he was all fucked up But lived a happier life Like was thankful that he was alive, which is kind of crazy Yeah, I used to bartend and this dude would come in and he was missing His jaw he's talking one to 200 people off the ledge. Yeah, that's amazing Highway Patrol officer I bet that guy's a smooth talker. I have a buddy who jumped off that bridge Yeah

Tony Anagoni who's a professional pool player hmm Good, dude. I hadn't talked to him in a while. I hadn't talked to him in a couple of years. Then I saw it in the news. I was like, fuck. Yeah, it's one of those things man where it's just like when it happens you just get jolted. Especially the suicide ones. It's like what? Yeah, when you had no clue. Because like you think about that person when you're all having fun together You think about that person when you're sitting around laughing cracking jokes Especially if it's the life of the party. Mm-hmm. It does it right?

Oh, how the fuck I could have picked ten other guys besides you well Can you imagine Robin Williams imagine watching Robin Williams on any you see that commercial or he's doing a commercial? And you won't stop fucking around. I don't think so he's doing a commercial and he won't stop fucking around I don't think so and the directors trying to get him to stop fucking around. He's like will not stop fucking around He's doing the different characters shit. It's like he's like, okay Robin, can we focus now? And the robins just fucking going off. Yeah that guy you would never imagine could ever be sad You know, I was an extra in a movie with him, Billy Crystal, and Julie's Louise Dreyfuss.

And I, he, some two people were sick. They went back to their trailers, and I was interviewing him, and he did it as Mrs. Doubtfire. And it was fucking awesome, man. Everybody was losing it. Play it, Jamie. Let me see it. I said to him, I said, Frank, cut it!

No, no, no, would you mind please, put it into the camera? It's already! Would you mind please turning to the camera? It's already great! Look at his back into the camera. Robin, just do the line so we can get out. I can't do it. Everything. For me, this place is fabulous. I want to do the line for you. Robin, the line, the introduction, just the one line that you've got to do, okay? Sure, I will. Yes, sir, okay Foul ball a male hygiene spray, you know sometimes below the water line you could reek

That's why I need new foul ball some part very thing Down Fabulous I couldn't believe probably just can't too cold I couldn't believe probably just can't to call Hello, I'm told in Houston Few Jewish friends if any but I'd like to say won't you please help support the United goyum College Fund Help learn a child to eat hot dogs this year mayonnaise and corn. Can we get another actor in please. Oh, give me a chance, please I need this You're watching how the beat America she just the Moscow

You know what I would have loved to have seen actually if they could have combined and drop off funeral and the Olympics and had him in The bobsled run All right, I'm ready hard Yes, sir. I think you want me to hold the cucumber. No. Yeah, I can't one that says commercial Storm storm, that's that's a German name, isn't it? Storm. It sounds like a dog. I love that old Storm. Come here, boy. Hey, off the leg.

We're ready now. Here we go. That was an amazing... I'm ready to say that line hard because I love you. I love you for the man that you are. An incredible man. More than just one night. A man who can I don't know, make you realize, Ouch! Who are you? I'm ready now thank you mr. Williams thank you Howard yes Howard Storm is now

directing commercial commercials again I can get at this time once more I'm Jack Nicholson and you know Howard Storm is directing goddamn commercials It's incredible that he can find a camera small enough to work with but God bless him for trying His first commercial was Billy Bardi on a footstool. God. I love the fact that the man takes chances Thank you. Thank you He just wasn't gonna do it He's a maniac That's incredible. He's a dude for sure people get mad when you bring up the joke thieving

allegations with that guy, but That's just what it was that went on for over 13 minutes. That's hilarious Yeah, people think you're not supposed to talk about that part, but that was part of him Yeah, you have to talk about everything. The guy still was great. It was still great. It was very odd. I Wonder if his brain worked so quickly that sometimes it was out before he knew it perhaps, you know You could excuse someone for a lot of things You don't I don't know how his brain worked Obviously he had like mental problems which wound up there was a lot of physical problems You don't, I don't know how his brain worked. Obviously, he had like mental problems,

which wound up, there was a lot of physical problems that wound up contributing to his suicide. But depression was part of that too. Um, but, it's like, you have to also put it in context. There wasn't anybody like him back then. There was Jonathan Winters, who he took inspiration from, who a lot of people forgot about. Jonathan Winters was like really weird like that. He would do really weird, crazy stuff

and act like just like different characters and just wouldn't be there and just would hold onto it and people would like panic and they wouldn't know what to do. So I think he took a lot of inspiration from Jonathan Winters who was an amazing talent too. But Robin was like very unique. It was really nobody like him. And he could act his ass off, man.

He was like, good morning Vietnam. Like he was good in movies too. Yeah, I like good new hunting when he's in that. Yeah man, yeah and serious roles. How about that 24 hour photo, did you ever see that? Yes. Bro. Creepy.

Creepy, yeah, he played a good psycho. It was very, very good. But like, you would never imagine a guy like that would hit the rocks where he'd wind up killing himself. You're like, no way. Then you start to wonder like, how was the comedian part of them, the show and the 24 hour photo was the real deal? I doubt the 24 hour photo was the real deal. I think the real deal was like a deeply depressed person that the reason why they were so good at getting people entertained Is because they needed so much more than the average person just to hit like a baseline Yeah, you know

I think when people are super depressed and then they use comedy as like a way to just like a drug to just get them Like Richard Jenny apparently was only happy when he's killing and then when he got off stage He was depressed and he's another guy that wound up killing himself. That's like an hour a day. Yeah, you're happy Yep, and he was like the most miserable guy guaranteed like when I would do morning radio I would always ask the guy the drivers like who's the worst guy you have to drive around and they always would say Richard Jenny say he hated it. He didn't want to be there. I didn't want to talk to anybody He was miserable. He's so fucking funny dude is weird. He wanted to be a movie star apparently so back then in the 1980s and 90s like what the thing was was you would graduate and into movies like a Jim Carrey or

Into TV like a Seinfeld and you have your own show. But everybody really wanted movies, that was the thing. And he never got any of those. He was only in like one movie, he was in The Mask with Jim Carrey. And he had a show on the UPN called Platypus Man. It was terrible. But his standup was brilliant. His standup was incredible. He was so good, we all would just be in awe of him.

I remember him doing a bit at the Comedy Works in Montreal, this little tiny room in Montreal, this great room run by this amazing guy named Jimbo. Jimbo was the best. And this room was only like a 90-seat room. And it was during the Just For Laughs Comedy Festival. And Richard Jenney went up and he did a bit about buying a corvette like what an

Unrelatable premise what I like, you know, what a premise where you like, how do you get anything out of this and was? Murdering just murder. That's good. I can't I can't remember what he said, but I was crying laughing We were crying laughing. It was so funny and there were so many punch lines in there It was so his sense of irony sense his sarcasm the way we hit the punch lines the writing it's like all day he prepared for these sets and then he would just go into a darkness and just get ready to do it again brutal horrible I knew his girlfriend his girlfriend was a comic too one of his girlfriends at the time I don't think she was the girl that was his girlfriend at the time that he killed himself. But she was a comic at the store

and she would just tell me, you know, it's just like, the guy's so brilliant, but he's like so eaten up. Yeah, it's some people can't find balance. Oh, it sucks, man. When they're that good, you just like want to hug them. Just come on, man. Keep it together. Just want to go just enjoy the rest of it. I've told this story before so I apologize to anybody That's hurt, but he went to the Eastside comedy club in honey to be in That wasn't hunting to be she was on Long Island East Huntington I forget where it was but Eastside comedy club was a great comedy club on Long Island

And I went there on a Sunday, and I talked to the guy that was the MC all weekend He was depressed and I said why are you depressed he goes Richard Jenny did a different hour every show he did four different hours and killed He goes I'm up there He goes I have 20 minutes that I'm opening with I could barely get through them They suck and I'm bringing on this genius. He does a different hour every fucking show He goes it makes you want to quit comedy. I think he might have quit comedy Cuz I never heard from him. I think I really think that might have done him in like I think he was around for like a year or two after that but I think that was it that is tough to watch though when

you're working with a master you're not even close to it yet it's like those dudes who fought Mike Tyson in the early days like you never saw them again yeah I've I've been late for a show twice in my life and both times it was from watching Mike Tyson's greatest hits Oh, wow, they'll drive you crazy There was there was a time like in like 1986 to like whatever it was when he lost a Buster Douglas when there's never been a Heavyweight like him. I think he was the greatest of all time I think he was the greatest of all time for a short period of time But I think you have to look at a fighter in particular. They can't keep it up forever. It's too crazy

They only have a few years in this like high revolution high rev Redline prime and that's what I try to judge him on just ways people judge fighters on longevity We were like sugar Ray Robinson or the best example of all time is Bernard Hopkins Bernard Hopkins was a world champion When he was 49 years old crazy Crazy, that's my crazy crazy and fucking up guys that were 20 years younger than him with ease You know, that's why I mean he was a master just a masterful boxer who had Incredible discipline and never lost focus and never

got out of shape and never ate bad food. He never processed anything. He always ate clean, organic food, drank water, no booze, fuck you. Up in the morning, always running, always calisthenics, always was shredded, never gained weight in between fights. Even today, I had him on the podcast today, like a months ago how many months ago six months ago, maybe a little longer Something like that even now guys like in his 50s fucking shredded. I don't have ready to go I need the processed food sometimes and sometimes you need a little comfort, you know, what do you think it was about Tyson?

Do you think it was as I always equated to his his legs and his coil There was a lot of factors a lot of factors First of all, there was his upbringing, right? So he had a horrible horrible upbringing Okay, just crime and violence in the worst neighborhood in Brooklyn. He lives in Bed-Stuy, right? So Brownsville, I think, originally, in Bed-Stuy, terrible neighborhoods, real bad. You know, a lot of crime, a lot of violence. And then at 13 years of age,

he gets adopted by this guy, Custa Mato, who's one of the greatest boxing minds of all time, and he's also a hypnotist. So from age 13 on he's hypnotizing Mike and telling Mike he's the greatest of all time. He's the greatest of all time. He's gonna be the greatest heavyweight the world has ever seen. And then on top of it you have crazy genetics. Mike, I had Terry, Teddy Atluson, he told me that when Mike was 13 he was not gonna outgrown men and they

wouldn't believe he was 13 He'd bring him to boxing tournaments. They're like how old that kid he was 13. He's fucking 16. He goes, okay He's 16. He put him in with the 16 year olds. He knocked the 16 year olds out Yeah, he was a freak. So you have that sometimes, you know, you have kids that just have extraordinary genes and then you have this perfect storm of a very intelligent person who is deeply neglected as a child and then adopted by a genius not just a boxing genius but a genius in terms of psychology and life and philosophy and he understood war and like he was a war historian and he was

a boxing historian and he was also managed by this guy Jim Jeffries or Jim Jacobs rather excuse me and Jim Jacobs guy Jim Jeffries or Jim Jacobs rather, excuse me And Jim Jacobs had Jim Jeffries tapes or James Jeffries. He had like Jack Johnson and Jack Dempsey he had all the film footage of like Fighters that some of the greatest boxers of all time Willie pep, you know, Floyd Patterson, he had all this old footage on Reels and he was like the biggest collector of old boxing footage and Mike was being managed by him so Mike would sit there all day and watch Jack Dempsey fight, watch Jack Johnson fight, watch Stanley Greb, watch these old old killers, you

know, these like these guys guys that existed, you know, decades ago and no one gets a chance to see them. Cause you know, we're talking about 1980. You don't even have VHS tapes, right? When did they come along? They were like 82 or something like that, right? So he's getting like, this is happening to him in the seventies, like late seventies.

Like, let's make sense of this. So he's 58, he's a year older than me. So how old was he when he was 13? What year was it when he was 13, rather? So he was born in 66. Born in 66, I've been 79. 79, okay, no VHS. So the only way you can see these things is that they put them on television

Which they might but then you have to watch it while it's on TV. You can't rewatch it again there's no way to record anything or You know Jim Jacobs Jim Jacobs who also did the commentary in a lot of those if you watch a lot of those old films They're black and white and there's no sound and they like put in in sound later, but Jim Jacobs does the commentary, I know his voice. And he was a genius too. And they had this incredible convergence of all these things that created Mike Tyson in like 1986

when people were like, holy shit. When he would walk out there with no bathrobe and just fucking fucking he was a Perfect creation of the universe like the universe all the factors that would come into play that makes something super special All came in in his I mean it to be a boxing champion It could not have had a better convergence of mind talent background and then the people that were influencing him Yeah, he was wild. Yeah, he's being trained by Teddy Atlas when he's a little kid. Isn't it illegal to hypnotize a child?

That's a good question. I would think there's gotta be something. That's a good question. Depends on, like, one of your kid thinks they're possessed. That might be a good thing to hypnotize them. You think kids like, Yeah, I'm like, Yeah, yes you can. I have words for you. Might be a good thing to hypnotize them you think kids like

I have words for you like Billy what the fuck is wrong with you, man? I'm sorry left you alone I had to work. I had two jobs. I had to pay the bills Billy's bouncing off the walls at home and he thinks he's possessed. You're like watch the spoon Yeah, it might be good to hypnotize that kid, but yeah, I would think Hypnotizing anybody Before they were aware of what the fuck that means. But I don't think hypnotizing is what people think it is either. I don't necessarily, I've only been hypnotized once, so I can't speak to like what the total potential of what someone can do with hypnosis is. But you're aware of what's going on. It's not like you're going to gonna take your clothes off

and blow this guy. It doesn't make any sense. You're just in a different state of consciousness. And it's almost like you're allowed to look at things for what they really are versus all this noise that's around most of the ideas in your head where you're blaming other people when you should probably blame yourself,

when you were lazy and that's why it went bad And it wasn't like I see someone else's fault and all that stuff that keeps people on the wrong track that keeps people Drinking too much and gambling too much all those weird things that are going on in your head like It'll get past that and you'll see you yeah And you see you for a brief amount of time and you kind of analyze what it is It's fucking with you and then someone who's like a good performance psychologist can implant Ideas like help you implant ideas in your mind of how you're gonna approach things from now on How are you gonna look at things from now? I know a lot of fighters use them a lot of fighters use

Hypnotists and performance coaches the guy who did it to me is my friend Vinny Shortman and he does it to a lot of fighters use them. A lot of fighters use hypnotists and performance coaches. The guy who did it to me is my friend Vinny Shortman, and he does it to a lot of fighters. He hypnotizes a lot of fighters. And what does he put in there then? I think it depends. I think it's different for each fighter. You know?

It's like what they need. Yeah. What they're missing. I mean, some fighters, there's a thing that happens with some fighters in the midst of a chaotic fight. They will forget about about the game plan and they will just go on instinct and start throwing down and they want to get knocked out Or something goes bad They they they panic like not want to say panic, but they don't think straight That's the best way to say it cuz they're still fighting

You know, it's chaos, but you're letting that lizard brain take over and you're not sticking to the game plan Like the really good fighters know how even in these like chaotic scrambles to keep things technical Don't do anything that's gonna get you caught like there's very it looks nutty when you're watching it on television but if you're watching a tactician like a Max Holloway or You know San Hagen or you you know, Sean O'Malley, these fighters are very tactical. Everything they're doing is to elicit a reaction from you, and then they have counters based on how you do things, and then they start downloading how you're moving and reacting to things, and then they'll start plotting and moving.

Anderson Silva was the very best at that. He would take the first round, and he would just be kind of like moving with you and moving with you and then towards The end of the round he started fucking you up. But for the first he was just downloading Anderson in his prime, you know, I had never seen anything like him his prime He was just downloading people's movements. And do you think those other fighters could see it in his eyes and they're like fuck Yeah, now he knows yeah when he was at the top for sure everyone was terrified of him. The one thing that they did find out though, he had a flaw. And the flaw was if you didn't attack him, he didn't attack you.

Like he wasn't willing to take stupid chances, especially with like big punchers. Like there's this guy Patrick Cote and Patrick Cote was a big punch puncher like one punch KO guy and they had the worst fight it was a boring ass fight and then Patrick unfortunately threw a kick and blew out his knee it was like the worst ending of a fight ever just his knee exploded just not getting hit just kind of yeah not getting hit at all he just went to throw a kick and his knee was in a weird position and it just blew apart and he's like god falls down that's happened before it happened to Tom Aspinall recently threw a kick

Knee fell apart didn't even happen like it wasn't happening like where someone did something to him He just threw a kick and his knee fell apart I'd rather watch a guy get knocked unconscious than have that huge response part of their body blowing up The knees a bad one, but the worst is the shin break That's the very very worst or an arm break a forearm break or shin break Those are very hard to watch those are the hardest I've ever I've seen four leg breaks in person and they're they're fucking horrific, man They are fucking horrific. They hurt your soul. Oh, you got this is the worst one. Oh, that's Patrick right there So watch how he does this look.'s so crazy they're moving around and

he he goes like he's gonna throw a kick and he just fucking moved weird that's out of nowhere out of nowhere his knee just exploded blew out his ACL Taurus meniscus crazy and that's a tough dude so for him to have that reaction the toughness he was an animal Patrick Otey was a fucking animal But the fight was kind of boring because he was so dangerous so Anderson couldn't he couldn't lead right? Because if you lead you worry about being countered so Anderson was not just really fucking good, but also really smart He just knew when he could hit you and he knew when you could hit him and he would take his time but again

Once he got you figured out like as the fight went on he would like if he made the fight boring It was also a strategy because then you would be anxious and you would maybe do something to try to pick up the pace And he would crack you know, but he's an old veteran So he's just standing around going fuck about booze He did that with another guy a Brazilian guy in talas late this kind of same thing boring ass fight But a dangerous fighter and a really dangerous guy on the ground Tala slay this was a nasty jujitsu black belt and so he was like We're going to the ground like you know fucking stay on the outside Just kind of barely win every round you know, but if you do something stupid, I'll fuck you up Nobody did anything stupid. No all that shit

Well, he was just so smart that he didn't care if people were booing and then the UFC would get mad at him They get mad at him because those performances even though he's the greatest of all time at the time He was for sure in my eyes He's still in the conversation during his time period when he was running shit still in my book one of the if not the greatest the greatest of all one of the greatest of all time for sure he's in the conversation whatever that the conversation so subjective and I changed my opinion on it all the time but during that time period he didn't give a fuck if people were doing yeah he didn't care it's like and so the UFC

would get mad at him. But I was always of the mind that he's doing the 100% correct thing. He's the best fighter. And to fight the best, you got to know when to attack and when not to attack. And sometimes you don't attack at all. Sometimes if he does something out of character and forces it, that was not his style. So for him to engage in a style that's not his style, then that's stupid. The smart thing is to fight to the best of your abilities. And unfortunately, some of those fights were not fun. But you also get the Vitor Belfort fight from the same guy. You know, you get the Okami fight, you get the Forrest Griffin fight, you get all those insane knockouts, highlight real knockouts He was a monster man in his prime. He was a monster

If you can take the booze and the other guy can't yeah Well, it was also like he wasn't gonna do anything stupid until he did and then he did and he got knocked out by Chris Wideman because he was doing something stupid. That's literally what his demise was was the thing that kept him so invincible his whole career He would stay composed no matter what happened. He just stayed composed. He always knew when to attack, when not to attack, when to attack, when not to attack. He was just a genius.

There's guys that like for a while, whatever those years are, where you like, you can't beat them. Like no one's gonna beat them for these years. And that's just because of his strategy watching you move. Wow, he's just so, he was also so good at being the champion, right? There's a thing about performing in front of so many people with such high stakes. And if you've never experienced that before, the first time you ever fight for a championship fight, it's so crazy.

You see it in guys' faces sometimes. You see the weight of it on them. They're like, fuck. This is so heavy. There's so much anxiety. You just can't wait to get in there and get it. And once it gets going, then you're fine. Then you're just going on instincts. Then you're going on training. And then you're just, you're fighting. But it's the buildup and the thinking and the anticipation and the anxiety.

He's used to that. He's done that 13 times. He's def- he defended the middleweight title, I believe, more than anyone ever. Is that true? I believe he did. That's why Gene Hackman measured the hoop in Hoosiers. Right? Let them know, like, you've been here. This is it. Same fuck. It's 10 feet.

Yeah. It's the same thing everywhere. Yeah. But the thing is, that's like that anxiety of performing in the moment And that's what a sports psychologist does that's where a sports psychiatrist comes in That's where sports hypnotist rather comes in psychiatry too, but they could they give you drugs. You can't take those fighting some guys tried I Knew a guy who got kicked off a card because he was on Adderall and they're like you can't take Adderall and fights I need it for my ADD like fuck shut up

You're on speed It's tough the man sports can mess you up Oh hundred percent like my I come home from golf for the last three years Miserable right calling myself a dumb fuck on myself a piece of shit loser and then my girlfriend goes hey Why don't you just, just tell you, pretend you're talking to eight year old you. And I tried that shit for a round. I had the greatest round of my life.

Yeah, you could do it. You just have to, that part of being a man in particular, like fucking idiot, you know, like you make a mistake. You gotta avoid that zero good There's a gym teacher with real short shorts in my head That is the voice in my head. You just like you fucking idiot. I'm guilty of that sometimes when I play pool I'll talk to this is Charles Barkley's one of us I mean he almost not even hit the ball before he said it. It's amazing.

Oh my god, that's hilarious. And then the girls taking the video laugh at the end. It's so good. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, that does not help you. But also there's a thing about a guy like a Charles Barkley or a guy like you, it's like you don't really have the time to dedicate to a thing like golf to really get great at it.

It's the same thing as playing pool. The great pool players, they play eight hours a day. Eight hours a day. If you want to play like a Shane Van Boney level, you want to play like a Fedor Gorsk level, you have to play eight hours a day They play eight hours a day. Yeah, they don't fuck around They they're so in the groove all the time that if you're like a casual player You just can't find that groove and they don't want to ever let that groove go

They're in that groove all day long all day long They wake up in the morning and they start thinking about running balls They start thinking about putting English on balls like if you if you want to play golf like a really great golfer Those fucking guys play every day. They have coaches. There's just no way they analyze footage Like look at Tiger Woods Tiger Woods started playing when he was how old? Three maybe two Yeah, yeah, and was coached by his father from the time he was how old? Three maybe? Two? Arguably, I don't know. Yeah, and was coached by his father from the time he was a child,

played constantly. Yeah. Greatest of all time. I mean, you can get in the groove for a little bit. Yeah. And that's what keeps you going back. But you're not gonna stay in the groove. You're not gonna stay in the groove.

No. To me, it's maddening for me with pool. Because I can play pool, like if I have a night off and I can play for like five six hours Like around four hours in our start really getting the groove I start feeling it but it's like inconsistent It comes and goes yeah, but if you play with a great player and you watch them do it They just never get out of the groove. They're always there. They very rarely miss. They very rarely miss Position their cue balls perfect. It's always moving exactly where they want it to go and if it's not they play safe and you

Watch and just like what? It's like this is a feel of the movement of the balls. That's only possible if you're so finely tuned to it that you're playing every day. Like this guy fader, he just won the world championships. He's a friend of mine has been on the podcast before. We were having a conversation on the phone about cues because he had switched. He was with this company, Q-Tech, and they switched this company, White Carbon. And it was months ago. And I was saying, we were talking about different approaches he uses and different equipment. He's like, I'm still adjusting to this cue. I go, really? I go, have you had it for like how long now? He's like four months. He goes, I'm pretty much there. He goes, but I'm about three or four percent off

Three or four percent off three or four percent off if this guy's a fucking robot like his his Understanding of where he should be versus where he is and he wants to know exactly How much pressure to apply on that cue to make that ball dance Exactly the way it's like it's a little off. It's a little like he knows it's a little off I did it just right, but it went there and stay there hmm three percent Yeah, what the fuck man you ever left the stage and just screamed a hundred fucking percent into the green room I never left the stage and just screamed 100 fucking percent into the green room. I'm off 100 percent. Every now and then you catch a groove and you are in 100 percent.

And those moments are the weirdest. You're like, why can't I do this all the time? Why can't I just have so much fun with the jokes all the time? Sometimes you're having so much fun saying the material that makes everything so much better. And you're like, why don't I do this all the time? And it just feels like every single thing thing you say is gonna be awesome and the more you do it the more you're there right, so if you have a

Tuesday Wednesday Thursday like you're doing a real week in a place, you know by a time Saturday rolls around you're a wizard Yeah, you're a wizard. You got those bits tied up in a fucking basement You're in control of the situation just thinking about what you're gonna eat after the show and still killing you're in the flow You're in that flow state and that's when you come up with new stuff That's the best way to come up with new stuff because you just feel funny. Yeah, I feel where the funny is It's like I know that vibe. I caught that vibe. I know where that vibe is I can ride that vibe Mm-hmm, and that's those golf guys, so if you're not doing that every day You're gonna get out there fucking fucking loser

Just like Charles it's unavoidable yeah, you ever play snooker. I know I have not played I've seen people play it I've fucked around on a snooker table. I've never played a game of snooker, but it's very difficult That's hard a lot of snooker players are super successful in pool no pool players make maybe Alex Pagulion who's he could play everything he's like a world champion in like every discipline he's a world champion in a ball nine ball ten ball back he's like one of the greats of all times one of the Filipinos to which for whatever reason Filipinos are the best pool players on earth like there's more there's guys driving taxi cabs in the Philippines that can win pool

tournaments in America. They come over here, like everywhere you go there's pool tables. It's like one of the most popular games in the entire, in the whole island chain. It's huge over there. But that guy's a word he's like an elite professional snooker player as well as an elite professional pool player, but he's super rare. He's like John more. There's a couple other guys that can play like really good snooker. We came up playing snooker. Northern Minnesota. That's a tough game. Yeah, you'd go in and these guys are just like they take it so fucking serious. If you lose them a dollar. I mean,

these were old old men. And if you lose them a dollar. I mean, these were old, old men. And if you lose them a dollar, forget it, you're out. I remember one of the, they always used to say, so a two ball was worth money. So you'd have to make a cherry, it's called, a red ball first. And then you had to make a number ball. And then he would always go, if he'd missed the two ball, he'd go, they never do.

Or he'd go, yeah, you bet. If he'd made it. And so we went to this guy's funeral And we had buddy with me and he had a flask with him and they were talking and he rate stands up and raises the Flask and he goes they never do and then all his old buddies had flasks with them and they raise and go yeah You bet it was a fucking great funeral. I've ever been to that's awesome. Well, I bet snooker pool snooker halls What do you call them? What do they call snooker halls? I will play snooker. We just played at the spot I don't know. It was like it was like a little restaurant that had tables and back

Oh, okay, and they were all snooker tables. We had two pool tables and then two snooker tables Okay, yeah, cuz like places where they just play snooker. They call them a snooker hall Probably gone. Yeah Snooker club The they call them a snooker hall? Is that what they call them? Yeah? Snooker club. Snooker club. The term pool actually comes from gambling. Pool is not the game. The game is pocket billiards. Pool is what's called, they pool their money together

and gamble. That's the name that's the name that was attributed to it. Yeah, it was really a gambling game, 100%. But snooker players come over to America, snooker players come over to America, snooker players come over to America and rob people in pool. They play really good because they're used to those little holes. They're also these big ass holes and it's just getting used to the ball moving different because they their balls are so small. They don't put a lot of side English

on them and they don't do like weird stuff with them. American cue balls are larger. So in the ball, the billiard balls are are larger say they do a lot of shit with them They throw balls into the side pocket with English and do weird things So they have to learn all that stuff and they learn how to break hard once they do that Their technique is so flawless. Yeah spot-on because they're going just straight shots and they have academies that teach people how to play There's not like a lot of like there's a few Really good teachers in this country, but there's not like a lot of like there's a few really good teachers in this country But there's no like national system

We have like a university that you go to learn how to play snooker right like you know they have that they have like real Like this at one point in time there was real money in snooker in the UK like real money like those guys were millionaires What yeah, yeah, yeah guys. I was playing with and we're not million We were playing with them guys in Canada or Michigan right, Minnesota Yeah, all that cold stuff is the same to me But in the UK yeah, there was a there's snooker was huge on television I remember going over there for a gig long time ago and turn on the TV and like whoa They got snooker on like regular TV. This is nuts

Yeah, watching these matches cuz you you know, you're stuck in a hotel room before your show Yeah, so you just watching what do you guys watch and they're all watching snooker? but For whatever reason I think it died off. I don't think it's that popular anymore I don't think you could find a snooker table in the town. I grew up in anymore. Hmm Yeah places closed they get rid of them because all the old guys that played died off I don't think you could find a snooker table in the town I grew up in anymore. Hmm. Yeah. Places closed. They get rid of them because all the old guys that played died off. Well, the real died. The game that really died off was three cushion billiards.

Three cushion billiards was the real game back in the day. What's that? It's a game with no pockets. And the game, it was it was also a very big gambling game where people would gamble a lot of money game where people would gamble a lot of money Like gentlemen would gamble a lot of money playing three cushion and three cushion. You can't find that anywhere anymore It's still in some countries. I think Korea has a big three cushion scene and Belgium It's a guy from Belgium that does really well three cushions some European countries still use Is that the one that has like the score up on a wire above the table where you move it with your cue?

That they do that with pool too. Okay, that's just a score line but what's what's with three cushion billiards is is this giant ass table that has no pockets and you have three balls and it's usually two white balls and a red ball or two red balls and a white ball and See what right here they do yellow sometimes to know balls and a white ball. And see, or here they do yellow sometimes too now. So this guy has to hit a ball and then it has to go three cushions and then hit the second ball. So it's all about understanding angles. See if you can find a video of someone doing it. It's fucking boring. See, this is the game. So he's got to hit a ball and then it's got to go three cushions and hit another ball.

But what it really does is if you learn this game, it teaches you how billiard balls move around a table. So it really helps you play better position for pocket billiards, and it helps you learn how to play safe better and how to kick at balls better. So like this guy is- That's pretty wild that he's hitting that ball though. This guy's obviously a wizard. This is really hard to do.

So it is really a thinking person's game. The problem that I have with it is I wanna see balls go away. I don't wanna see them sticking around. If I make a point, I want you to go bye bye. I don't wanna see you. The fun with me is that guy? Bloomed all is one of the greatest of all time world champion I don't know I think I said his name wrong, but it's only watched like a few matches ever

I can't I'm a DD to the max I watched like 10 minutes. I'm like where why is the ball still there? Mm-hmm game sucks. Yeah, the elimination process is the best part of pool. I think exactly I like watching someone run out and then making a ball is so like the last ball if it's a hard shot like oh my God, is he gonna make it? You know there's a lot and then when it goes away like yay, it's satisfying I don't want to see it bounce around and stick around but I've seen people play snooker at a very high level. And it's wild to watch. You watch someone just run out and snooker, and you're just like, Jesus Christ.

You have to be so precise. The table's huge. Yeah, tiny pockets, little balls. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a super difficult game. But for whatever reason, that never caught on over here. It's like soccer. whatever reason, that never caught on over here. It's like soccer. For whatever reason, never caught on over here.

Just in pockets, yeah. Yeah, I don't know why some things never caught on. I have a friend of mine, my friend Eddie, owns the local soccer professional team out here. And he gave me some insight on that. He goes, they never take a break. He's like, football, baseball, you get commercial breaks. So commercials get stuffed in.

Soccer never stops. It's like they play on the clock, and the clock keeps going, and every match is gonna be X amount of minutes long, and that's that. There's no room for commercials. I was like, oh, that makes sense. Because if you go watch professional soccer live,

it's fucking exciting as shit. Everybody's freaking out. And you appreciate the athleticism that you have to have the the cardio that you have to have to be running back and forth and back and forth and sprinting and sideways and you know ducking and dodging and fucking kicking balls at crazy angles it's a wild-ass sport. Yeah they're very good I mean you look at those guys and you go, there's not a 10% body fat person on this field. Not one.

No excess fat. They all have fairly small upper bodies and just jacked legs. And these guys are sprinting constantly. They have no wasted motion. At the elite levels, like the Lionel Messi level, there's no wasted motion. Those guys are just freak athletes. My kids both played soccer junior and senior year, and it was great because I don't know anything about it

And it's the only sport I wouldn't yell at There and keep my mouth shut bro, some parents are brutal. Oh, it's so tough I watched a guy after a hockey game this kid Just I mean he scored probably I don't know six goals or something this little little tiny kid This is 14 you and this dad. He's yelling at this kid I'm walking out and he's right by the locker room and I go I go hey, man I pulled the guy's eye and I go come on Kid how to what's going on here? I thought he was a dad. It wasn't the dad

It was the goalie's dad Yelling at the kid that scored on him, calling him a fucking fancy pants and all this other shit. And I was like, bro, he's a kid. What are you doing? Oh no. Yeah, but parents go way too over the top.

Oh no. Ugh. Like yelling at an ump is one thing, but yelling at a kid because he scored on your kid, that's ridiculous. Ugh. Ugh. Yeah. I've seen guys get knocked out in front of their screaming moms. Kid cuz he scored on your kid. That's that's ridiculous. Oh Yeah, I've seen guys get knocked out father screaming moms Their moms are screaming kick his ass kick his ass this guy fucking socks this guy's a pussy

Lights out yeah in front of their mom by the mom screaming obscenities Hard to swallow mom you probably distracted the fuck out of your son first of all imagine hearing your mom screaming all that shit And you like shut the fuck up shut the fuck up I didn't like my mom yelling you got him honey when I was pitching oh god that kind of shit We're like I am working on it. Don't do this lady. Yeah, I know this is not for you This is for me. Okay, you're supposed to clap when things go well Yeah, and that's it. Don't be fucking yelling out instructions You got him honey, like you weren't you didn't think you had him until your mom yelled it out. I go I got him Okay. Thank you mother. I got it. Thank you so much

Especially people that have never competed in a sport before you don't know how fucking distracting that is Yeah, like shut your whole lady and she had competed in sports. That's a problem So she loved it. Yeah, that'd be like her being on the beam and I'm like jump higher It's also I think people back then in those days like the when she grew up They didn't know any better like people didn't know what you're supposed to do and not supposed to do people hit their kids Oh, yeah, they all hit their kids. they all yelled at their kids called them fucking idiots. They all everybody did that we were animals You know like if you grew up and your parents grew up in the 1940s and 50s you were an animal They were animals you're because they were raised by people who grew up in the depression

Okay, and those people were animals and those people were they their parents fought in World War one Okay, like you're these are barbarians Yeah, and so it's like so many generations of softness have led us to where we are now But if you you know if you're our parents you you're exposed to all that shit Well, my dad his dad took off and his mom went into like a mental institution because of it Oh, so he got raised by his grandparents. So that's like a generation back Oh God, and so when my mom and dad would discipline me, I was like, why are you doing this and you're fucking doing you're terrifying me Oh boy. Yeah, it was interesting. Oh

Jesus Christ That's a lot That's a lot to manage imagine being the grandparents like fuck Done exactly I wanted to go play golf Fuck Now I gotta take care of another kid and this one's mad. Yeah, cuz they got abandoned They have all these issues now. They're confused. I gave my dad a lot of leeway a lot just cuz of that He stole my identity when I was in high school and ruined my credit issues now. They're confused. I gave my dad a lot of leeway. A lot. Just because of that.

He stole my identity when I was in high school and ruined my credit. No! Yeah. And I was like, I get raised by his fucking grandparents. I don't know. Oh no. Yeah. Imagine dad being just like a straight up criminal. Like, dad. Oh, I don't have to imagine. My dad stole a car. Straight up criminal? Oh god, yeah. Wow. Absolutely, he helped me. He had me help him steal a car. I guess he has to have stole your identity. What am I thinking? He's only gonna do it once, only to his kid? Yeah, I got a rental car once

because my car was in the shop. He took the keys, made a copy of the keys, and then when I brought that rental car back, had me drive him there and I didn't know it, he stole the car and then drove to Las Vegas because the cops were looking for him for writing bad checks Holy shit, how do you not become a comedian? Yeah totally make sense you can't be ticking away at an office job

Just typing like motherfucker. You will go crazy. Yeah. Yeah, you'll barely keep it together. Yeah fuck man Yeah, pretty wild. keep it together. Yeah. Fuck, man. Yeah, pretty wild. I called, when I went to college, I called to get a phone line, and they were like, I don't think so. Wow. You owe us thousands of dollars.

Because he had stolen your identity? Oh my God. Did you try to explain it to them? My mom had to write a letter to everybody that said that I lived with her the whole time. Wow. Yeah. Holy shit, dude.

You couldn't get a phone line. I mean. My dad, listen to what, he fucking stole another identity. It was a kid that he graduated high school with who died in a motorcycle accident. Oh my God. My dad called his parents and said, hey, you guys have some benefits coming.

I just need his social security number. Oh my God. And then became that dude. And then signed up Columbia Record Club. Got all of Jimi Hendrix greatest hits. Yeah, it was wild living. Fuck man, that's crazy. Holy shit. Wow. When you were in high school, what'd you think you were gonna be? I don't know, maybe a teacher or a lawyer or something. And when did the comedy bug get you?

Way early. I mean, I wanted to do comedy forever. I just lived in a town where there wasn't comedy. Oh, so it was like a thing in the back of your head? Yeah, I mean, way, way back in the day, I watched my grandpa watch, like listen to records and just start laughing I'm like I want to do that Wow

Yeah, I remember my first exposure to comedy Was probably the actual stand-up comedy was probably Bill Cosby or Bill Cosby record Mm-hmm cuz my parents had a Bill Cosby record and they had Cheech and Chong and I think they might have had a George Carlin one too because everyone had records back then because there's nothing on TV and so you'd sit around you'd listen to records you know so we listened to Cheech and Chong when I was a little kid I was probably eight or

nine or something like that I was like this is so funny you know and then when I was in high school I got a hold of some Richard Pryor cassettes and me and my girlfriend were in my bedroom just how hold of some Richard Pryor cassettes and me and my girlfriend were in my bedroom Just howling laughing at Richard Pryor like this is so crazy. What he's saying is so crazy Because this is like at the time we're talking I was in high school in 81 So this is probably like 83 something like that. And so in 1983 like Richard Pryor was the king. This was, like, when he was doing live at the Sunset Strip.

Oh, wow. My parents took me to see that. I was 15. I think I was 15 years old. And we were in the movie theater. And I'll never forget this, because this was the first time I'd ever experienced anything like this.

I'd never seen someone do stand-up comedy for a long time. I had only seen, like like a guy do some jokes on The Tonight Show, you know, like a real like cut-and-dry set-up punchline, five-minute, all right that was terrific, come sit on the couch, and the comic would sit there and I would tell you about the zoo, you know, and so that was my exposure to comedy. But in the theater, I remember, I'll never forget this, sitting in the theater watching Live in the Sunset Strip and looking at the audience and people were

moving around I remember this guy was holding his stomach and he was slapping the chair and his wife was slapping him They were just going oh my god. Oh my god It was so funny and I remember thinking I've never seen anything this funny like all the funny movies that I love They were never this funny. No all this guy's that I love, they were never this funny. All this guy's doing is talking. And to get humans to react like that is so wild. It was crazy.

It was like, all he's doing is talking. How is he doing this? Yeah, I remember the first comedy I ever saw was this guy Wild Bill Bauer out of Minnesota. And I'll never forget this joke. He goes, I called my boss the other day and I told him I can't come in because I'm sick. And he says, how sick are you?

And I said well, I'm fucking my sister And I still laugh about I mean, it's like the funniest shit in the world That's a great joke. It's such a great. That's a great joke. And that was my introduction So people same thing people are freaking out. That was great kidding that guy string a bunch together. Yeah, how good was he? There's real good. That's if you can write a joke like that Unless you like you're a one-hit wonder No, he wasn't that seems like a crazy hit to be that good of a joke to be a one-hit wonder It's like that guy's got a bunch in them Yeah

Some of those guys that are like real good like that for whatever reason people never find out about him now He just stayed in Minnesota. He ended up booking tours for other guys and stuff like that There's a guy named Bob Woods Woods who was a legend on Long Island. He was this big guy, this big, jolly guy. And he was hilarious. And he was a legend in Long Island. And to this day, I'm upset that I never got a chance to see him live. Because all the comics from that day, they always tell me, Bob Woods, Bob

Woods. This is like the early 80s. So I think when I came along, I don't think I got to New York until 90 90 or 91 and I think he'd already stopped this is Bob Woods he was a character man give me some volume let me introduce myself here I am mr. cholesterol the incredible bulk, hungry Jack, a man called Horse. Sir Lunch-A-Lot, Chef Boy are you fat? Pizza on earth, goodwill towards Manicotti. Rebel without a waistline, strawberry fields for breakfast. Lord of the Ringdings.

The Earl of Sandwich. The Prince of Wales. And a little house on the prairie. All rolled into one. What can I tell you folks? What can I tell you? I'm a fat fucking guy. Boom boom, bring some food to my room so we can eat it all night, keep the briaski in sight.

And I woke up this morning, I got myself a ham hock! Let me clear some things up for you right away. Can we keep going? Yeah, cause I hope it's gonna get better. No, it wasn't the ripped tail of balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade! things up for you right away yeah cuz I hope it's gonna get better balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade no I'm not one of the moon dogs from WrestleMania no I'm not dusty roads no I'm not gonna pay a lot for that muffler no I'm not boo Powell as a Rastafarian. No, I wasn't making a list and checking it twice last December.

No, I haven't buttoned this jacket since I bought it. No, I'm not Baby Heel Star Trek episode. No, I'm not Tip O'Neal is the Michelin Man. No, I'm not Norm from Cheers if it was set in California. No, it's not a fucking wig, okay? This is my real hair. Really. It's all in the shampoo. Some people shampoo with Prel. Some people use head and shoulders. I just get out the dippity doo and the mop and glow. But look, I read mine, is that right? Call me Kreskin for this shit. I'm getting a reading for this girl.

She's thinking if I fall fall she's fucking dead a lot of fat jokes yeah better than this this is like some things he did on TV this is like him like recording a set for television it looks like it was it 88 yeah that wasn't the best set he had an insane Jackie Gleason depression insane and a lot of think you know he He inspired a lot of comedians a lot a lot of comedians in Long Island. That's just wasn't the best set of his Yeah, but I mean guys. Oh right or holy shit. Oh you bang him out man But again, it's like the world was different then you got to also think

Stand-up comedy. Let's let's just put it into perspective. 1988 was 36 years ago. 36 years before that, there was no stand-up comedy. Wow. Yeah. So you have to think about it, right? So if you went back to 19, you know, 1950, let's go to 50.

What the fuck is there? What's the stand-up comedy? It's nonsense. It's guys and the cat skills that are telling two Jews walking to a bar jokes. It's not real comedy. And then Lenny Bruce comes along in the 60s, and then everything changes.

Then you get Mortsal, you get- Joan Rivers. Yeah, eventually. They come later. They all come later, and Carlin comes later, and then, eventually they come later. Okay, they all come later and Carlin comes later And then and prior comes later. They're all inspired by the Lenny Bruce. Lenny Bruce is really like the germ He was really like the center of it all like from him all things come like that Guy's the real godfather of comedy the kind of comedy that we do we talk about stuff, right? Like everybody was just telling jokes back then.

They were just being jokey-joke guy. And then, you know, there's Don Rickles, who's like the insult guys, insulting people. That was always very funny. But nobody was doing like social commentary. Nobody was like making funny points about things that go on in society until Lenny came around.

Yeah. Working against the machine a little bit. Getting arrested left and right dude That's pretty sweet pretty wild you really think about it. I had my office. I have a photograph of him getting arrested I mean, I don't think you can get arrested for comedy anymore. Oh, you definitely could try In Canada you can get sued you get you I know I had a guy on the podcast that got sued and lost I know I had a guy on the podcast that got sued and lost Well, you got fined because there was there was a few different things This guy had made a joke about a kid who was Mike

What Mike Ward? Thank you he had made a joke about a kid that they had done some benefit for a really sick kid and the kid was still alive a few years later and The joke, you know some kind of a joke about like, can I get my money back? Like, is this kid really sick? Like something along those lines. I might've fucked it up.

I think I butchered it. But anyway, the point is it was just a joke and they sued him and they won. Like he got charged and he lost. Who sued him? The parents? I think they fined him. I think it was one of those things where,

see, let's find out what the specifics of it are. Because there was another one in, I believe, Vancouver, where a comedian was getting heckled by these lesbians. And they just started making fun of them for being lesbians saying a bunch of really rude things. And that guy got fined, too, like a large number. I mean, yeah. Like you can get, Canada does not have freedom of speech. It's not the same as the

United States. It doesn't have a First Amendment. They have hate crime laws. So they have weird stuff. This is why Jordan Peterson way back in 2016 was telling them like you cannot have compelled speech laws. Canadians, Canadian who mock disabled child singer did not breach limits of free speech. That's not Mike Ward though. Case pitted Quebec comedian Mike Ward against former child singer, oh that must be the child singer that's sick, did not breach limits of free speech. So it went to the Supreme Court. So this is 2021.

When did we have him on? It was definitely way before that because it wasn't in, it wasn't in Texas. So he must have finally won under the five four split decision. Wow. Four people said fuck him. Fuck your joke. The top court ruled Friday while comedian Mike Ward's act ridiculed Jeremy Gabriel, a young man with Treacher Collins syndrome. He was chosen as a target not because of his disability, but because of his fame, which is true. In its ruling, the court found that Ward's jokes did not seek to incite others to mock Gabriel and he cannot be blamed for the actions of Gabriel's classmates and others who parroted

the jokes. See folks, this is what happens when you try to be too nice. You can't be too nice. You can't go that far. With with you got to let people say things that are offensive. If you don't, then the only way to enforce that is totalitarianism. You start locking people in jail. I know you want people to be better person.

They should be encouraged to be better people. But you can't do that. You can't fucking force people to say things or not say things. I think he came on after this happened in 2016. Right. He was on. I think he came on after this happened in 2016. Right. He was on. 35,000? Yeah, he got paid, he's ordered to pay 35,000 in moral and punitive damages. But that's not as much as the guy in Vancouver. The guy in Vancouver, I think, if memory serves to me, I think it was a lot more money. The guy in Vancouver, there was two lesbians heckling

him at a show. It says 22,500 for that one. Okay, I might have thought it was 225,000 or something. Either way, fuck you. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. I was in Calgary one time, I was talking about the queen. Oh.

And then the MC came up and he goes, "'Ah, fuck these Americans, they come here, "'they think we have a queen, "'learn about the country you're coming to.'" And I was like, oh shit, I thought you had a queen. So I went to the public library, did all this research, and there is a queen because there was a treaty, and so she acts as the queen. So the next day I went up and he came up to bring me off stage and I go, hey man, just stay here for a sec. And I read the treaty and I go, just so you know, I'm an American, but you do have a queen. and then I took a $20 bill out and licked it and stuck it to his forehead

And I go she's on your fucking money just like What it's hilarious well some comedians are dicks and no lawsuit That's awesome. Yeah, well you were right. How they gonna sue you for being right? Yeah fucking idiots But it's like that that thing of like you try, you know, you try to set up society where you prevent people from being mean. But the problem is people are gonna be mean.

And the only way to prevent people from being mean is to really ostracize people who are mean, and then have everybody else learn from that, and like learn from the way you talk about these people that are mean, and then we all kind of grow Together you can't have laws that enforce your opinion of what someone can or cannot be allowed to say Because then you never get that guy's joke your friend right sick because I'm fucking my sister. Yeah, you don't get that Yeah, right. You don't get that joke because it's that's illegal

So like then you don't get funsies because that's just funsies They didn't really fuck anybody. It's a joke. You know Bob Marley didn't shoot any sheriffs. It's just fun It's a fun thing to say yeah when I was in seventh grade If you talked in the history class they made you take a pacifier and sit there like you were a baby Oh, that's a lyric cuz they were like I told you to shut up now You have to suck on this pacifier And there's no fucking way you'd be able to do that now, but guess what everybody shut up that had the pacifier I got paddled. I got paddled in Florida. I got in a fight with this kid Preston Banks

I mean this kid we got in a scrap and we both got brought to the principal's office and we got paddled Well, they whacked me in the ass with a fucking cricket racket Well, they whacked me in the ass with a fucking cricket racket This fucking thing they slap you one shot in the ass like and then they send you home and like whoa, I got hit Mm-hmm. Yeah, you can't do that today. Oh, there's no chance by the way. We never fought again Yeah, and we became friends after that's what I'm saying It's like these kids now can take a chair from the back of the room Throw it at the teacher when he's not looking and and that teacher just has to sit there and take it. Can't do anything.

Well, yeah, especially when you get into high school, things get very, very dangerous. Very, very, very dangerous, because people are starting to get strong and they're aggressive, and these men, these young men have testosterone for the first time in their life. So all of a sudden you're 13,

and then boom, the factory opens. And you're like, yahoo, and you start growing, you got a mustache now, now you're 13 and then boom the factory opens. Yeah, you're like yahoo and you start growing You got a mustache now you're 14 and 15 and then you get this fucking loser teacher This teacher's talking shit you want to fuck this teacher up Yeah, and you know if you do you'd be a hero for the rest of the class He'd be a legend for all your boys this teacher's talking shit. You just grab his tie and box him in the face Yeah, guys hit teachers There's so many videos all the time so many online videos of poor teachers getting beaten up by the students

And it's always the guys that fucked first That would take the lead on that. I always felt it was those guys The rest of us waiting to have sex we were just sitting in our chairs You know right to fight yeah, especially the teacher. Yeah, no way or women that beat the teachers up. Those are horrible Horrible because those are slow beatings like not much gets done. You know it's like a lot of hair pulling I'm watching a tall guy fall. Oh shitty punches to the face Yeah, just trapped there and nobody's helping you and everyone's screaming and cheering That's great

They're all filming it and then we wonder why does nobody want to be a teacher? Why is the education system sucks? Why why why why well because you fucking? The whole thing sucks like you can't even we couldn't even just fix the schools You got to start from a foundational level in the bad neighborhood It's like you have to like somehow or another help people get the fuck out of this place of total complete despair Yeah And the fact that these places of total complete despair have existed in the same location for decade after Decade after decade and you you want these kids to do better like how how all they've done is see it

Repeated over and over think about your dad like how did that happen that didn't happen. I choose not to think Thank you, but if you were your dad's dad that would have never happened. Well. what I'm saying? Like, you know, we have the good fortune of understanding the mistakes of those who came before us. And even like, I mean, even thinking about, we can't even put our mind in what it must be like to be a kid that grows up in the South Side of Chicago in 2024 where you're seeing people shot every weekend. You can't put yourself into that.

So to expect that child to come out of that environment and then go to Yale and be fine with everything, be fine when he's heard bullets whizz by his head. He's seen his friends get shot in the street. He's seen drive-bys. He's seen his friends get shot in the street. He's seen drive-bys. He's seen all that He's seen drug dealers wrapping in the streets holding guns and smoking weed in front of everybody and in street takeovers You seen that from the time you're a child How are you gonna how are you gonna escape that right?

Cuz even if even if you do escape it sometimes some part of you misses it and thinks now you're not being normal Right, it's like when guys come back from the Middle East, and they're like, I wanna go back there. It's like, why the fuck would you wanna go back there? But it's because that's their new normal. That's what they miss it. It's not just that, it's also alive. It's alive.

Like if you're gang banging like that, you're alive. There's a lot going on. Sure. You know, you go from that to working in and out. Yeah. What is this? I'd rather be in jail. Guys would rather get shot.

They really would. And some places and some people, they would rather be living the life. Because at least that life, one of the things that comes out of gangs and bad neighborhoods is a brotherhood and a comradery that doesn't exist in their home. So they don't have any real love in the home,

but the love they have with the people that they would literally kill people for and they're all together and they make money together and they're partying together They're having a good time together driving cars together. Like this is way better than whatever they grew up with like Banda Brothership Yeah, it's exciting. They're literally in a war but they're in a war in a American city which is crazy. But if you look at the death toll of people killed in Afghanistan during the height of the war, it's comparable to the people killed in South Side of Chicago. I would imagine the people in the South Side of Chicago, more people get killed. I think what happens in war, of course, is depending upon the war, of course, but sometimes there's there's large amounts of debt like in Gaza if you can call it a war like there's large amounts of deaths and large

amounts in one day, right which in Gang violence you get it over the weekend, you know, this guy got shot that guy got shot. It's cumulative But I bet it's close and I believe it's higher I believe the death toll for the South Side of Chicago is as high or higher than Afghanistan at the height of the war That's wild wild and then if somebody dies in Mexico, there's a tourism alert. Oh, yeah where you're not supposed to go. Well, it's the way they die in Mexico I've seen some videos whoo damn there was a dude who used to be a doorman at the improv and one day I was just walking in the club like what's up because you want to see this cartel video I go what is it and it was a dude who is tied up tied up in his arms and

his legs in all positions and a pit bull was eating his dick. I was like, yo, I do not need to see this for go on stage. Like this is horrific. This huge pit bull was just clamped down this guy's dick and he's just writhing back and forth in agony while his dog eats him alive. Jesus Christ. Great peanut butter commercial. I don't think they use peanut butter. I don't think they have to. I don't think they have to these dogs are literally trained at I would think which is Fucking terrifying you get is there a place that shows statistics about gang violence What deaths are you talking about an afghan? Okay, let's say this because it's like everyone is a lot that's They way outnumber the Chicago deaths. And the weekends are all told total. 2023 there was 621 deaths in Chicago.

And 2021 I see for Afghanistan 5200 civilians were killed. But is that when we pulled out? Yeah. Yeah, that's different. That was 8800 were killed the year before, 86 hundred the year before that. Oh, okay So it's always more it's always more for Afghanistan the year we pulled out was horrific soldiers though If you just do Western soldiers It's very similar number, but I think that's what it was not civilians. Okay, so it's

It's people in Afghanistan that are killed Western all told so Western soldiers. It's comparable That must be what I read. But still, even thinking about an American city, not even an American city, the south side of an American city. A major metropolitan city. Versus a fucking war-torn country. Right, it's a country that,

I mean it's a city rather that Frank Sinatra wrote a song about. It was his kind of town. Right? My kind of town, shit kind of town. Right? My kind of town, shit kind of town. Have you heard AI convert Frank Sinatra into Eminem? So Frank Sinatra is singing Lose Yourself? Oh my God.

It's perfect. Does it sound amazing? It's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing. Have you heard it, Jamie? Yeah. You don't think it's amazing? Look at this face. I'm super cynical on all the AI stuff. Look at his face. Yeah, it's amazing. Have you heard Jamie? Yeah, you don't think it's amazing. Look at this face

Yeah, he rolled his eyes and it sounds cool, but when would you ever want to are you gonna choose to listen to that any day? I was doing a loop in my house all day long. It's a cool like experiment off often, but like it's never really like Good. No, you're right. It's interesting though. though yeah to me it's fascinating how competent it is here it is listen was that good assist this is actually what do you mean that was a cover by someone singing who is that it says the guy's name right here oh it's not AI no that was like a lounge singer yeah oh he's great keep him going who is this guy well is that that It says the guy's name right here. Oh, it's not AI? No, that was like a lounge singer, yeah. Oh, he's great. Keep him going. Who is this guy? Well...

Is that that guy that covers all of the songs? Well, so that's Richard Cheese. Yeah, that's who I think he is. Do we have a problem here with like sound stuff? YouTube shit? Is that what this is? We can't play that? That, I don't know if anyone's got the rights to that. Alright, well let's cut that out just so we don't get in trouble.

And just say who the guy is. We'll cut that out. We'll edit that out so we don't get in trouble. I don't know if anyone's got the rights to that. Let's cut that out just so we don't get in trouble and just say who the guy is. We'll cut that out. We'll edit that out so we don't get in trouble. I don't know that we would. I don't think even though they're... They only fuck us, man. They fuck us. From playing a song and then coming after? Oh yeah. You could play like two... What is his name? Ben Dunhill is the wrong singer's name. Damn, that's good. I thought...

Yeah, that's really good. I saw a YouTube reel or an Instagram reel there is but I said I play I just chose the wrong one was all when I oh Well that one was really good. Okay. This is the thing that I saw That's the same thing same guy over. Okay, so it's not tricked by the they got tricked Damn, Ben. He's doing a game. You're so good. I'm here So a Chad brought up those this guy from like early Napster days Richard cheese in the lounge against the machine that went super viral Yeah, I remember that guy. He was doing these lounge versions of like machine right right right prodigy and all sorts of fun

The thing about that guy is so he sounded exactly like Sinatra Yeah, this Ben down. Yeah. Yeah, I mean that sounded like in AI Sinatra That's why they tricked that guy on the video that I saw Wow, how good is that dude? Thank you for catching that there's a lot of people online that are willing to repost anything and just Say this is what this is just for they get so much money for engagement farming. Yeah Yeah, I was reading something about that I was reading something about someone was talking about how they make money on Instagram and that they're making thousands of dollars a month on Instagram and with engagement and that's why they post so much. Someone said, why you post so much?

Well, he's like, I make money. This is like a business for me. Like this isn't and I'm like, what? How much money can you make on Instagram? I mean, if it also if you're you'd be TikTok and YouTube, too, you'd be making thousands of dollars for about an hour of work a day. Yeah, why would you rather regular work? Yeah, no shit. I have people that will go through one of my albums, and then they'll actually make it

into a sketch where they play all of the parts, me, my children, whatever it is I'm talking about. And then they put that out and tag me in it, and I don't know they make money off of it. That's wild And then then I try to post something and they say there's a copyright infringement. It's like this might it's fucking mine Yeah, the the legalese shit it all gets real weird. Yeah It's like I get it There's a lot of people make but there's a lot of people making money off of other people's stuff, too So I get that why that would piss you off that someone's taking your stuff. I saw a discussion today

I think Marques Brown they was bringing it up that He pays a company to transcribe his videos for YouTube upload as a transcription So people can look at it in closed captioning and whatnot. Mm-hmm There are now companies that exist that can rip that transcription off of YouTube I'm not sure exactly how and then they're uploading that as blog posts. Ooh, and then they make you know Add revenue off of a blog post that they did no work to well There's so many blog posts that are clearly either made by AI or by foreign people That don't totally understand English because the way they phrase things is goofy and they do like celebrity news

Like sometimes you get suckered into clicking on a link Like you read like a legitimate story and then underneath there's a sponsored link Why is John Travolta homeless like what? You got me and then you get sucked in like the ten people that have aged the worst over the last 20 years like What's going on here what is happening here People who lie about plastic surgery and you go look at that. Oh my goodness You should fucking liar and then you get sucked in and it's like next next next next So it's each each one you click they get a new click, you know, they get a new it's not like it's not all on one

Page it's in multiple pages. There's multiple hits and then they're getting the ad revenue off of that We had a guy back in the day that went to jail because he rigged something so that every time you went to his website, if you afterwards bought something from Amazon, it would credit his account. Like you went through his website, his website link to get Amazon. So he'd get like a percentage?

Yeah, so he like put like a cookie in someone, in your computer or something. I don't know exactly how, I don't wanna say how it went. But this guy got, went to jail because he was making money that really wasn't his money. Sure. So instead of someone saying, hey, like, I don't know if they still do this,

but the way it used to do it, they would say, hey, if you wanna support this podcast, use our Amazon link on our website and we get a cut back from Amazon every time you use it and so they would do it as a way to support and then it would also it would probably facilitate some impulse purchases that maybe you would never make before like you all this guy's got a great podcast I'm gonna help him out by going to Amazon oh I could use socks and then you start buying things off Amazon.

It's so easy. And then, so this guy would do that. If you would go to that Amazon, even if you didn't buy anything, it would put a cookie in your computer. So next time you went to Amazon, you're saying, oh, he went through my website. Well, they do that now with like, if they go to my website, or they go to your videos, stuff like that,

and then they can send ads out to people that have similar click patterns. Like all that shit. That just blows my mind. Yeah, I was reading a thing today that was saying don't have an Amazon Alexa in your bedroom. Whoa, we're talking dirty to each other. Amazon Alexa is listening.

You're trying to watch porn, you're just listening to yourself. It's the only way it works, it has to listen. Do you use one of those? No. No. No way. Dude, I always assume my phone's listening to me too.

Always. And now I know it is, for sure. At least with the fucking person. We don't know that when you buy that, like you've already agreed to like, having a microphone around you all the time Yeah, and you don't think about it. You just think oh what a convenience Yeah, I just ask Alexa and she'll play a music for me and Alexa will turn the lights down Alexa will do all these things what a great thing to have sometimes

I'll just yell Alexa make my daughter stop talking to me, and she's like we have an Alexa now It's like no just please take the hint well if you talk shit to Siri Siri gets upset like if you ask like get rude with Siri, you know, there's no reason to talk like that Why are you talking to me? And that's very Siri has like that's we're you know Maybe a month away from that being implemented completely on your iPhone, right? Isn't the new iPhone 18? iOS 18 doesn't that have like a much more advanced Siri that I'll have conversations with you find out when we get to use it That's for sure. Well, you could use it right now, right? Can't use the beta if you wanted to want to get crazy I would not assume that it works perfectly But yet might I bet by the time they're letting people try the beta. It's probably pretty good

I think Marcus Brownlee just released a video where he was examining Brownlee just released a video where he was examining iOS 18, the pros and cons of it, the things that it can do. It can make text messages with a satellite now. So if you're in a place that has no service, you can send out a text message via satellite. Not just an SOS, but you can send a specific text to people. It can also make people very lonely, because you're going to be talking to this robot.

Yeah, that's going to be weird. It's like the movie Her. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's gonna be weird. It's like the movie Her. Oh yeah. Yeah, that's what that's 100% gonna happen. And by the way, Scarlett Johansson, she sued, was it, which one was it? ChatGPD? Yeah, or was it Gemini? I don't know if she actually went through with it, but yeah, she was OpenAI the company. Okay, so they were asking her if they could use her voice and she said no and they used a voice that's exactly like her voice. Not exactly, pretty close, close enough.

Close enough where she decided she was gonna sue. Is it her shit from other clips? Well, it's her from, no, it's another person. But her contention is they got a person to sound like her, which people sued for before, right? Like didn't Kim Kardashian sue because they had a person to sound like her which people have sued for before right like didn't card Kim Kardashian sue because they had A Kim Kardashian look-alike did a commercial when Kim wouldn't do it Interesting yeah, so if like you won't do something they can get someone that looks super similar to you to do it and then

They're like fuck you. I'm suing you people were sending me a car commercial for a while That I had to listen to it twice because I thought it was me oh wow and they And they didn't even ask me the first time. Oh wow. They just like, no no no, I mean they weren't trying to use my voice at all. But they used someone who sounded so much like you. It was crazy, a lot of people thought like hey man congrats on that commercial. Yeah the Scarlett Johansson thing, we played it now that I'm thinking about it when I play when we played it here it was different because She was the voice of her right so she was the voice that Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with

But the clip that we played it was her like bedtime talking You know like he was laying in bed, and I think she had like more of a raspy Time to go to sleep voice Whereas in you know the regular chat GPT implementation is like Scarlett at the office. Okay. Did you ever see that movie where she becomes a god? What's it called?

Do you remember? Lucy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've seen that. Yeah, wild fucking movie, man. That's a fun movie, man. She is one of those actresses where if I see her on the picture of the movie, I'll watch it. She's compelling. She was great in this movie, Under the skin. It was an indie sci-fi film and she played an alien

Okay, she played this alien that seduced men and like Drowned them in another dimension. It's very hard to describe exactly how it did But she was naked walking to them and they were just slowly drowning It was a crazy movie like a really weird movie, but she's an alien She comes from another planet and she's really hot and she like seduces these men. Under the skin. Yeah. I will be.

This is, it's a crazy movie. I will be watching that. So I don't know if the alien did that to her and then she, and then it became her. I don't remember how it worked, but she just assumed that. It was really good, though. Very original. Like, original movie. Like, you watch it, like, woo. But again, hot.

Ha ha ha. Brrrr. Like, like, ruin your life hot. Yeah. Like, change your plans. Move to another state hot. You know? There's certain women that they lock eyes with you.

You're in real trouble Oh, man, that happened to me. I got her to move to Minnesota. Oh That was pretty sick. That is pretty sad and she's still there. Congratulations. Thanks. Thank you Yeah, sometimes it works You'd never know but the thing is like if she's an alien and she really just wants to drown you in another dimension I fucking let her you might have to yeah, you might I mean what do you live forever? At least you go out in a very unconventional and Amazing way you're talking about that forever if they know yeah if they ever find out about vultures can't find me

I'm way under an interdimensional water system. What do you think is going on with all this UFO talk? I think it's all nonsense. I don't even know about it. You don't pay attention at all Not really Wow cuz I if they want to come get me let's go but like when you see all this like disclosure talk on television, they're talking to Congress and You don't pay attention. I Wait until the end cuz it's like right. It's like I tell my kids all the time. Don't borrow worry from around the bend Mm-hmm. It's like if you're gonna have to worry about it, you're gonna have to fucking worry about it Yeah, I'm not necessarily worried

About the alien thing. I'm more interested. Sure. I'm like, what is this? What the fuck is going on? You know what how much of this is nonsense? It's not zero percent. So, okay What how much of it is real so you you do think that people are coming down or other? I think it's highly likely that the universe is way stranger than we think it is, way stranger. And I don't even know if it's as conventional as a thing gets in a ship and flies here from another place. I think it might be interdimensional traveling.

It might be something that's always been here. There's that thought because there's so many instances of things like what we think of that are in like the Bhagavad Gita and these ancient texts. They're thousands and thousands of years old and they're talking about things that fly in the sky, flying chariots, flying things that have gods in them like what is that what's that all about? Comets? Shooting stars? Could be. For sure some of them probably right some of these things that people see streaking across the sky they see something extraordinary it lights up the sky and then mythology

gets attached to that right and then people, you know, 10 years from now, tell that story. And then other people tell the story that's told to them by the people that were there. And then that gets a little twisted up like a game of telephone. There's some of that too. But then there's also uniformity. There's uniformity to the descriptions of the movements of the ships and what these things do and why they're interested in us and what they say. It gets very weird.

It gets very weird to the point it's like, okay, if this is a mass illusion, if this is a creation of the mind, like Carl Jung thought it was a creation of the mind, thought it was some sort of an illusion that people conjure up in their mind, but it's just like a common illusion. It's just like it's there in the human psyche. But then there's also like physical evidence of these things. The physical evidence is when things get real weird. Because then like if you're telling the truth, then this isn't totally an illusion. Or maybe it's all those things. Maybe it's total bullshit, lies,

people with myths that make up myths about comets and natural disasters and all kinds of other stuff and also interdimensional beings Occasionally and then also things that have always been here occasionally and then also things for another planet occasionally Yeah, I mean all things are probably it's not binary, right? It's not either UFOs or bullshit or you know, they're real 100% It's like it might be all those things everything combined. That's what I think a lot of people struggle with is It can be yes and yes. Yeah, it doesn't have to be yes and no. Yeah, there could be a lot of things going on Simultaneously and we can't be con we're concentrating on one some of them. I

100% am convinced our government drones that work on some incredibly sophisticated propulsion system that probably doesn't have a person in it, but they probably can move at fantastic speeds using some new novel propulsion system that they don't want to release to the public. And they probably don't know how to weaponize it yet. So they're probably flying these things around and saying rates of speed. They just can't put guns on them yet. You know, they can't figure out how to shoot people with them.

But so they just they're just fucking with them. And then I think that's the reason why they keep getting cited over these military spaces. I think they try them out on the troops, just like they try out vaccines in the troops, just like they try out burn pits. You Just they try out burn pits, you know They didn't test burn pits to make sure that people weren't gonna get sick if they're just Breathing in toxic fumes from all the garbage from thousands of troops and they just did it, you know I think they probably do the same thing with everything. They just try shit out Yeah, I also wonder if you hear something if it makes you think it like when I watched Blair Witch project

Oh, yeah, I went into it was dark when I got home, it was light when I left, and dark when I got home, and I sprinted, and all of a sudden, you think you're seeing fucking people in the corner turned around, and you go, well, that can't be right. I can't, you know? So once it's in your head, maybe you keep seeing it. Definitely.

Sure. Yeah, things in the woods, things you see in the woods. That's probably what Bigfoot is. Gets in your head. I would think. You go looking for that fucking giant hairy man. Yeah, you see a tree kind of bend with the wind and you're like, what the fuck was that? The thing about Bigfoot that's really interesting though is that Native Americans have a bunch of different names for them. There's a lot of names for them and they don't really have a lot of fake animals. They don't, it's not a common trait in North American culture to, in any Native American

culture rather, to worship a bunch of different things or to talk about a bunch of things that aren't real. Like mostly they were talking about real things and then spirits, right? Like they would talk about the different spirits of the sky and spirits of the sun and nature. They're essentially talking about Mother Earth and God and Gaia and nature. But they didn't have like fake animals. They did have Bigfoot. There's a lot of Bigfoot that makes you go, I think at one point in time it was real. I think at one point in time. You think there were a bunch of them? Yeah. Well, they know there was a real thing, right?

They know there's a thing called gigantopithecus. And gigantopithecus existed alongside human beings, for sure, 100%. And it was a bipedal hominid that was between 8 and 10 feet tall. And it was like in the orangutan genus. And this thing was discovered in the 19... I want to say 1920s or 1930s in an apothecary shop in China.

An anthropologist was there and he found these massive primate teeth and he instantly knew that they didn't belong to a gorilla, they didn't belong to any known primate, and he's like, where did you get these? And so they took him to the site and they started digging, they found jaw bones that indicated that it was bipedal something about the position of the jaw that indicated this thing stood up on two legs and by the size of it and then they found some other bones. I think they have

a very incomplete skeleton of these things but they know that it was a real animal and they know that it existed as recently as I believe it was a hundred thousand years ago for sure. But it could be way more may more current. There's just no bones available. So then you think that thing was real. Stories got passed on and people started seeing it. Okay. Yeah, probably. I could get behind that. Yeah. Also where it existed makes sense because if you think about the sightings, the sightings are all in the Pacific Northwest, right? The Pacific Northwest, if you follow that up past Alaska, which also has a lot of sightings,

then you go across the Bering Land Bridge, right? In Asia, it was where this thing existed. It kind of makes sense. And then the more they find out about people in North America, they used to think that all people came across the Bering Land Bridge, they don't think that anymore. There's so much evidence of people that were here 25,000 years ago, there's footprints in the grounds,

like in mud that they've now carbon dated to more than 20 plus thousand years old. And so that's just what we have, right? That's just the footprint that we got lucky and got from 20,000. Who's to say that there's not people that were here 50,000 years ago, 100,000 years ago. So now you've got Bigfoot's real, right? Because if those people really were alive and while those people were alive, so if you go back, just go back 20,000, right? If you go back 20,000 years ago, you're dealing with North American lions, which were the biggest lions on earth bigger than African lions

You have saber-toothed tigers. You have giant sloths. You have all these Enormous animals that don't exist here anymore. And this was all in North America alongside people It just kind of makes sense that you would have a Bigfoot You'd have a gigantopithecus at the same at least a few of them especially up there up there where they're like it's thickly dense forest Seems like if you're a big Fucking plant eating shithead that's what you would live you would live there It just totally makes sense that they probably existed just like all these other things You know they don't find a whole lot unless they're in the tar pits

They don't find a whole lot of like saber-toothed tigers. They don't find a whole lot of things that existed before 25 35,000 years ago except dinosaurs, of course So who knows? Oh man, I would love if the afterlife you were just there for an hour Hooked you up to a fucking cord put everything that happened in there So, you know, right and then that's out lights out. What would you do if you had a chance to be? Get that cord hooked in and see an hour of any point in the history of the earth. What would you go to? Oh, well, I was saying all of it all within an hour. It just like just to get the download Yeah, like when Keanu Reeves knows Kung Fu and shit.

Yeah, that would be fun. But if you could go and see one point in history, in the history of Earth, where would you go? I think I'd probably... That's a great question. I mean, this is gonna be lame,, but I'd like to World War II. That's not lame at all. I'd like to see the genesis of it all and then throughout and all the hidden conversations

that were taking place. You remember the opening scene in Saving Private Ryan? Oh my God, yeah. That was the first opening scene. That was the first scene of a war that made me think this is probably what it was like back then for those guys Yeah, I didn't say one word. I went to a matinee and I didn't say another word until I woke up the next day It was so heavy brutal. It was so brutal and so graphic and so intense When that fucking guy doesn't kill the German at the end, I mean, furious.

Like breathing with my shoulders. Crazy fucking movie, man. And only a tiny fraction of how crazy it really was. I'm sure. Yeah, for sure. The existence of being there and seeing it happen and being a part of it Fuck man, and then they had to come back and they had to actually live lives Yeah, and and no coaching right you just come back what they call shell shock. Yeah, I don't even want to see this dude

Yeah, this is wild. I don't want to see this Speaking of which how about that president? Speaking of which, how about that president? How about that Trump fella? How crazy is this? If there's ever been a real indication that we're in a simulation, it's like this season of USA is the craziest season that's ever existed. There's so many twists and turns, so many plots, so many villains, so many incompetent bumbling fools that you're like, there's no way that lady's a heartbeat away from the president. There's no way. There's no way someone is not telling her to stop saying that same thing over and over again. What can be unburdened by what has been? Like

she says it over and over and over again. This isn be unburdened by what has been? Like she says it over and over and over again. This isn't real. This is writing. Someone wrote this. This, it seems like a script. When a president that is giving a speech gets shot in the ear and then stands up and goes full John Bender at the end of Breakfast Club. Bro. He pumps his fist in the air. That was a crazy issue. And says fight fight fight and

When the fucking guy who's the photographer is a wizard that guy who got that photograph? Find out his name because this guy's award-winning with the flag above it Yes, and the angle that he got it like where he was standing when he took the photo It's one of the most iconic photos of all time GoPro on while he was doing it Wow So you can watch him move in position of take it Wow, that's nuts man, that's nuts

So you can see as the bullets start flying This fucking dude doesn't even duck He's still got his camera out, he's right behind Trump And he's just got his camera out That is so gangster I mean you want to talk about getting a shot no matter what he's running around there could be bullets flying his way I would think you're holding up something black in your hand that's pointed at the president you fucking should get shot

I mean the Trump story is right out of a movie and I'm hoping it's not a Stephen King movie came out while we've been recording Secret Service ramped up security after receiving intel of Iranian plot to assassinate Trump no known connection to shooting oh they ramped that up and so they ignored the roof 150 yards away. Yeah, there's so many things where you just go what the fuck. What the fuck dude? All of it. All of it. And there's so much of it that seems fake, like the the female Secret Service agent that can't holster her weapon. Have you seen this? She's like moving around all erratically and she tries to holster her weapon, she can't get it in there and she can't figure out how to put it in there and she stops for a minute and she tries to holster a weapon She can't get it in there and she can't figure out how to put in there and she stops for a minute

and she tries back to do it again and It looks so fake. Is she an actress? No, it looks like an actress though. It looks like if you were gonna have a Bumbling person in a movie like almost like a comedy of errors or a Coen Brothers movie about an assassination Attempt on the president you have this lady like here watch Watch what her gun look look she gets her gun out. She tried to put it in there She couldn't do it and she's thinking about putting it back in there. She finally gets it in there Like the whole thing is like literally they're fumbling around The whole thing is crazy. They're erratic movements. No one knows exactly what to do. It seems fake.

Yeah, that's an audition I could nail. Yeah, it seems like, okay, now you're panicking. You don't know what the fuck is going on. You really shouldn't be here. Go. You're like, where did I put my gun? I get done. You want Secret Service, cool, calm, collected.

You know, high ready with the gun, scanning the area, looking left and right. You want them, like, swift, decisive movements. You don't want to see any of this fucking squirrely, trying to put the gun back in. It seems big. When you see the Reagan shot, it is just a bunch of people moving as one. They dive on them. Yeah. Bang! Dive on them. This seemed, it almost seems like as this simulation gets further and further along, it gets more and more insane.

Yeah, look at this. Yeah, they dive immediately. They got him. Immediately. They get his gun immediately. And Reagan survives. Which is also crazy. The Trump one is just so nuts too like if he turns his head at the last second and the bullet grazes his ears if he didn't it hits the back of

His head and he's dead and then we Fall into chaos and you know what the fuck big chaos and then people think that the Biden administration had Trump killed And yeah, and then there's these questions like how the fuck does this 20 year old kid climb on that roof? 150 yards away and no one sees him. Well that one guy was pointing at him the whole time Yes, like pointing to see like he's right there and they're yelling. He's got a gun There's a guy in the prone position on a roof 150 yards away from the former president The whole thing's nuts the whole The whole thing stinks of either incompetence or design or we're in the matrix. This is a fucking fake movie. It seems like almost

to watch this, the most bombastic and manly of presidents, you know, for lack of a better term, to see him with these two female bumbling Secret Service agents, especially the one, to see that, to see everything happen the way it is, to see that they knew this guy was on the roof, to hear that that guy had pointed his rifle before that at a cop, so the cop engaged him, he pointed the rifle and the cop ran away. The the cop engaged him, he pointed the rod bill, and the cop ran away. The guy climbed the roof with a ladder, you can see the ladder. The whole thing is bananas.

He's 20 years old, and then you find out he was in a BlackRock commercial. You're like, is this the Black Mirror? Like tell me what's going on, is this real? Is this real? And then Trump goes golfing with a bandage on his ear the next day? Yeah, and then the the putt when he made the putt. Jesus here's quote. No, he said that's the difference between me and the shooter I don't miss

And then now you have people flooding from the left being like all right, yeah, that's a good quote I'll do this. There's people that are like, okay He won like they've just given in didn't they're not even gonna try to run anybody other than Biden No, they were trying to get Biden out and now I think they've abandoned that I don't I wonder if they're doing the old like, you know train the boxer as a Yeah, I just I read that golf story too. This is not the first time there's a lot of golf accounts that put out fake shit Oh and that Jamie stop ruining our dreams. I just want to son of a bit that was Jamie plays a lot of golf and he gets very touchy when it comes to golf and he's called fair shit. That's fair It just came from a reddit post that people screenshot

Well to Shay young troll, touche. You got your fucking story mentioned on the podcast. That's me. You sons of bitches. You can get me very easily. I did read that too. The whole thing's so wild. There's video of the kid in the Black Rock commercial,

and you're like, what? And there's the video of a kid. They're saying he's getting bullied in high school, but it doesn't seem like he's being bullied. It seems like everyone's having fun, because he's talking about how he has a 10-inch penis, and they're just filming each other. It looks like they're having fun.

And you're looking like, how is it? Two years later, this guy tries to kill Trump? What happened? And then you find out he was a registered Republican? Like, what? You know high school find out he was a registered Republican? Like, what? You know high school, those 10-inch dick guys, always getting bullied. Always getting bullied.

He was saying it funny. It was like, he's trying to be funny. You know? Say, I got a 10-inch penis. I mean, he wasn't saying, like, I definitely have a 10-inch dick. It was like, it didn't seem like he was being bullied. I mean, obviously I saw one clip,

who knows what the fuck the full context of it is, but 20, 20 years old and he's got this idea and he pulls it off. He actually gets a shot off and nicks him and then they kill him. Like you've seen this 20 year old kid, his life is over. Like somehow or another he talked himself into trying to assassinate the president as a lone gunman in Pennsylvania, got on top of a roof, either through sheer incompetence, or for some other reason, he actually gets a shot off, and the president just moves his head at the right time. Like, the whole thing is, if it was in a movie, I'd be like,

shut the fuck up. That'll make you believe in God. That's when God's up there when he's going like, I don't want to talk to this guy yet. He's a lot. Yeah. I don't want him up here yet. I don't want him yet.

I'm the greatest angel. Or maybe he wants him here to expose how crazy our political system really is. Because the only way we find out how coordinated everything is, whether you're a Trump fan or not, even if you hate Trump, put that aside for a second and just look at how

much Coordination there is in the media to go after him and it exposes like this this thing We have to step back and go wait a minute. Hold on a second What what's really going on like what whether you hate that guy or not hate him hate him think he's a crook hate him think he's a liar hate him Don't you think it's weird that they're all in lockstep with the way they talk about him even with things that aren't true Like especially the Russia collusion hoax that they all talked about for years and years. I thought it was real I thought like he colluded with Russia and that was like the crazy thing about him winning the presidency Oh my god, he worked with Russia. Maybe Russia has something on him. You kept hearing about it, right? That was just bullshit and

They went through that for years in here and then you start going. Okay What else is coordinated where everybody is saying something about the Nord Stream pipeline? You know Seymour Hirsch says we it up. Like esteemed journalists is like, no matter what they say, I am telling you, this was our doing, we blew this up. This wasn't some other country, this wasn't Russia, they wouldn't blow up their own pipeline, we blew it up. And but every newspaper is like,

this is bullshit, this is impossible, it could not happen. This was Russian disinformation, Russian disinformation. You hear it about like every story It's like so hard to understand like what is the motivation to getting these stories out? Are is are these narratives created by the real government that runs everything and then like tells the news organizations? That are in business with them what to say and what to do I mean you get spooky you get like you're voting for A guy who isn't doing much When he gets there

I mean there's a lot of people around that are making these things and I will tell you I still believe Some of the Russian shit because you've heard me fucking misquote the golf thing I mean, I still believe a lot of shit I hear oh I do all the time that I get they get me all the time There's so many stories that I'm sure bullshit that I've parroted But if Trump if Trump wouldn't play the political game if he wouldn't put the people on the Supreme Court I'm maybe I know it's his job when he's in there But if he wouldn't do any of that shit He's definitely the come out on stage and be like waving papers you guys aren't gonna fucking believe this

Yeah, and tell everybody everything he is if he wasn't doing that other stuff But the only way he gets any support is if he does that other stuff, too Like you got to understand about Trump. He was a life dog lifelong Democrat. Yeah lifelong Which is so weird wasn't the when he was starting to run for president wasn't he still like wasn't he when he started talking about it? I believe so a Democrat. Yes, I believe so Well, he had a very close relationship to the Clintons to the point where he paid them to come to his wedding Or his daughter's wedding or one of those things like you would pay them and they would come to weddings and events and he would go To events, you know, that was like the famous thing that was at the White House

Correspondent Center. Do you remember that the White House press? Correspondents dinner was always supposed to be this thing where comedians would do it and they were Like Michelle Wolf did it one year fucking crushed it I remember she crushed it so hard and they would go up and they would Troubles by the way, the first guy to not do it like you're not making fun of me Kind of a pussy move, but every other president got roasted and one time What during the White House press correspondence thing, Obama went on stage and he roasted Trump. And one of the lines he said to Trump, he said, I'm one thing that you'll never be, which is the president

of the United States. Because this is when Trump was trying to claim that Obama's from Kenya. Do you remember that? Oh, yeah, yeah. The birther stuff. Yeah, there was which is wild. That stuff was wild. You know, he was like like saying he knows for sure that Obama came from Kenya and then there's people that were like examining photo shops of the birth certificate. It was a crazy conspiracy and that was you know, he was roasting Trump in the audience and you could see trump in his head going okay i'm gonna fucking run now like that might have been the thing that got him to run like legitimately that's how crazy that guy is that one moment where obama was talking shit to him might be the reason

why trump was like uh-huh i'll fucking show you because you do not want that fucking guy on your bad side. Well, this is the first time I've ever meant this but thanks Obama whoops What a crazy turn of again seems like it's written seems like a script seems like a simulation Same that shit really does it really does so much of it really does so much of life really feels like a simulation and the thing about the this Trump stuff and just all of the This the stuff that's happening with social media and AI The guy who's at the helm of one of the biggest social media networks in the world is Elon Musk Elon Musk said that the odds of us not being in the simulation are in the billions.

He believes wholeheartedly that we're in a simulation. See if you can find him saying that because it's such a nutty quote. Because when someone says that, you go, oh yeah, maybe. But when Elon Musk says that and he says it Definitively he says it like with pure confidence and he's no hyperbole. He's just stating it like this is something I've analyzed This is something I've thought about for a long time Yeah, he also made that cyber truck. Do you like it or not? I just it's uh, I Looks like you can't be penetrated with a bullet.

You can't be penetrated with a bullet and they're fun to drive. You ever driven one? I've driven a Tesla normal. But this is different? Same thing. It defies time. It doesn't make sense. It goes so fast for something that's so big.

And it's bulletproof. It's like, it's crazy. But it's the kind of thing that you would make if you're that guy like let's make a fucking Steel truck that's bulletproof Simulation here it is do you entertain that? Well the argument for the simulation I think is quite strong Because if you assume any improvements at all over time, any improvement, 1%,.1%, just extend the time frame, make it a thousand years, a million years, the universe is 13.8

billion years old. What would civilization, if you counted, if you're very generous, civilization is maybe seven or eight thousand years old, if you count it from the first writing This is nothing. This is nothing So if you assume any rate of improvement at all then Games will be indistinguishable from reality Or civilization will end one of those two things will occur

therefore we are most likely in a simulation so this is on my podcast he said that but then there was another interview where he was being questioned like what are the odds and he said the odds of us not being in a simulation are in the billions? He firmly believes it But it might be what the universe is which we were talking about how the universe is stranger I think the universe is stranger than we think it is that might be why it might be because it's not totally real or nothing Is totally real the idea of totally real is not real. Like our concept of things being real is even if you like look at quantum physics, right, which I definitely gonna butcher, but there's the observer effect. There's this thing that they do where they look at things

on a quantum level. And when you're looking at them and measuring them, they have a different reaction. There's something that's going on where we're interacting with matter, where it doesn't make any sense. If you get down to the lowest levels of understandable reality, you get into subatomic particles, and then you have spooky action at a distance where these things somehow or another, they're connected in vast spaces, but they interact with each other instantaneously. And if you take photons,

and photons are quantumly entangled, they figured out how to take some sort of a super sophisticated image of photons that are quantum entangled. They look like a yin and a yang, like exactly. It's the wildest thing. You see and you're like what the fuck you see? Jamie will find that golden ratio thing is a part of the golden ratio is different the golden golden ratio is like

There's like things like the Fibonacci sequence. There's like mathematical ratios that exist in all of nature This is this is quantum entanglement This is like two photons that are quantumly entangled and when they get This like super sophisticated imaging of this thing. It looks like a yin and yang like exactly That's pretty sweet. Jamie will find it. So do we all you think we all have a different? Simulation like this is what I'm seeing but in someone else's simulation. I'm the I'm very poor. I'm living somewhere else I'm doing this probably all things are happening simultaneously And you're just in this one right now, and I'm not even sure if you're in the same one that you were in yesterday

That's where it gets weird. I think when you go to bed like who the fuck knows what happens You're closing your eyes and disappearing who is to say that you're coming back in the exact same place you Might have been born today Your whole life everything that exists might have been a creation that did not exist 12 hours ago You might have woken up here it is Look at that That is pretty insane fucking insane It looks exactly like a yin and yang duality and

harmony that's the Chinese symbol for duality and harmony and that is literally quantum entangled photons like there's so many things like that in sacred geometry and when when they're looking at all this like the just the smallest things they can measure you're getting to magic subatomic particles are geometry and when when they're looking at all this like the this the smallest things they can measure you're getting to magic subatomic particles are fucking magic there what are they doing there in a super position what the fuck does that mean well they're moving and they're still at the same time like what are you even saying what does that mean they blink in and out of existence they go

away they come back they move around you don't know where the fuck they went. Like what is this? It's magic. It's basically something that can't exist anywhere else other than in the quantum state. But that's the base of everything. Like everything you touch is nothing. There's nothing there. It's mostly nothing. And yet it's oak tables. We might be misunderstanding what happened here a little. How so? We went over that with who do we go over that with? I know but it says that they did I'm rereading. We went over it with Eric Weinstein didn't we? It says so that yin-yang was programmed into it. Recovering enough information to

recreate a yin-yang symbol programmed into the photon generating apparatus. Applying tricks of holography, the researchers were able to read positional information into interference of two separated light waves recovering enough information to recreate a yin-yang symbol programmed into the photon generating apparatus. Yeah, but I don't think they're saying they programmed that into it. If you see what they're saying, the researchers were able to read positional information in the interference of two separated light waves recovering enough information to recreate a yin-yang symbol programmed into the photon generating apparatus. I think they're saying that they're

recreating this symbol based on what's happening. I don I think they're saying that they're recreating this symbol based on what's happening. I don't think they're saying they program it to look like that. My guess is that they're doing that so that they were looking, so they knew what they were looking for. It says as simple as the yin-yang looks in this single static image represents a significant leap in measuring numerous quantum states in a short time. Don't you think that Eric Weinstein would have picked up on that if that's what it was saying? Go back to that, stop, go back to what it just said there because I wanted to read the next, where were you?

It's on here. No, no, a little lower. This method is exponentially faster than previous techniques requiring only minutes or seconds instead of days. What? Importantly the detection time is not influenced by the symmetry's complexity. A solution to the long-standing scalability challenge in projective tomography. Okay, we're too dumb. It looks like they were looking at them and then figured out how to map them by what they were looking at and then could program it, right? Isn't quantum all sorts of directions not just xy It's a flat image, you know, and it's like all the dimensions So it's in super space and up and down and left and right well how much can they see of a photon, right?

Like what is a photo? Okay. Let's go look at some of this like give me an image Google image of a photon Let's see what the fuck they can say Give me an image, Google image of a photon. Let's see what the fuck they can say. I mean, all this stuff is, how about neutrinos? They're passing through the earth, like passing through us right now from space. What? Like, what is this?

Is that what it looks like? What is that left? Shapes are photons? Bro, look at that. H hologram of a single photon what just that alone okay if that is the that's the fucking that's at the bottom you keep looking in the ingredients individual points in a picture traditional photography merely register light intensity the interference phenomena also registers the phase of the light waves in traditional

holography a well-described undisturbed reference wave is superimposed with another wave of the same wavelength reflected off a three-dimensional object when a hologram is generated. Interference occurs as a result of the phase variations between the two waves resulting in a complicated pattern of lines. That's a lot of words. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I just said. That's the problem. We're too dumb. We're too uneducated to really understand what the fuck they're saying, but that's a lot so I could they can trick you Yeah, yeah, man. It's all about Jesus Jesus is the base of it all

Maybe in their world, maybe if you but here's where it gets really screwy, right? Maybe if you believe in Jesus, it's real here's where it gets really screwy, right? Maybe if you believe in Jesus, it's real. Like, maybe that's what religion is really all about. Maybe the thing is not, oh, I can prove that there's no God. Maybe if you believe there's a God, there's a God. Like, it might, that's how weird the simulation might be. Pete Slauson Well, I think it's a brilliant move, because if you believe there's a God, you're never gonna know you're wrong. Right. Because it's like goes to dark. Also, Jordan Peterson, he has this very interesting perspective on this. He says, I won't tell you whether or not I believe in a God,

but I act as if God is real. And if you act as if God is real, you will have a better life. Which is almost like that thing of the muse, right? Like is the muse a real thing that gives you ideas? I don't know, but I do know that if I sit in front of my computer on a regular basis, and I dedicate myself to writing, ideas come to me. And I don't know if that's just, like I don't know if creativity is like endurance. I don't know if it's like a physical quality that you possess because of work

I don't know I bet to me God is like year-round Santa Go to sleep be nice. He's keeping the list. Yeah that God that kind of God, but What about the universe is God? There's some creative force that Absolutely exists and it's called the universe it God? There's some creative force that absolutely exists, and it's called the universe. It literally makes all the stars, it literally makes black holes, it literally makes carbon-based life forms

in Goldilocks zones on planets like ours. It makes it. The universe made us. So if you wanted to find evidence of a God, the universe is god. It makes sense that it would be god. It is everything. We want it to be a person.

We want it to be like a guy with rules. But there are some kind of rules, right? As human beings, when we interact with each other incorrectly, we feel bad. When we interact with each other correctly, we get things done together, we spread love, we spread joy, we spread happiness, and that's a lot of the tenets of religion are preaching that. So it's almost like there's some guidelines that these people who had figured some whisper of what God is out, and they wrote it down on these animal skins, and they locked them

up in a fucking clay pot and Qumran, and they found them and deciphered them. And that's what it is, right? That's what Dead Sea Scrolls are. Whatever that is, is then literally interpreted. And it's interpreted by zealots, and it's interpreted by people that use it to control people's behavior, it's interpreted in a manner that controls large populations and forces people to be subjugated. Like, that is the whole reason why the revolution, when Martin Luther created a phonetic version of the Bible, and others were doing it at the same time as well, or similar time periods.

People were freaking out, because now the Bible was available to people that didn't read Latin. So now the Bible is available in German, and then guys like Martin Luther were saying, interpret the Bible as you will. And the priest was like, no, you fucking don't. We'll fucking kill you, dude.

They're like, you're ruining our whole gig. Because their whole gig was, they were the power. They were the purveyors of control. The fucking Pope ran the biggest army in the world at one point in time the Pope was running Europe well Martin Luther he got caught in a storm and then prayed to God he goes if you get me out of this I'll do this I'll start Lutheranism and that's the ultimate I'll quit drinking you know I'm saying it's like I promise if you make me stop puking. Wow. So that's how that I mean. Yeah, man. I think at the base of it all, there's a story.

There's something that happened that there's too many similarities. And even I always say this, sorry if you heard it. But the people that like when you in the Bible in the beginning there was like, what the fuck is the Big Bang? That is the Big Bang. So maybe they kind of understood some things, but they talked about it. It was an oral tradition for a thousand years before it was even written down some of these stories. And some of these stories have origins where they're super similar in other religions super similar Catastrophe tales super similar like this Noah's Ark, which is real similar to the Epic of Gilgamesh Which is really like Thor is real similar to Jesus like a lot of like wheels like what really?

Happened and if it's the beginning and it's light, maybe it's maybe it's birth Maybe it's the beginning of somebody's light maybe it's maybe it's birth maybe it's the beginning of somebody's life. Could be that too. Sure could be that too. But I find myself at the end of a drive like I used to have to drive three hours to the airport back and forth for 17 years. Jesus. And I'd get home at dusk and deer are everywhere and I just go no thank you I don't believe in God but I just go no thank you like I don't want to hit one and then I get home and I would I'd go out universe. Thank you I mean, that's so there's gotta be something like if you're nice to somebody

Niceness comes back if you're a dick in traffic It almost seems like all the shitty drivers at once their fucking beeper goes off and they hit the road Mm-hmm, but if you're decent in traffic Seems to open up a little bit for me. Anyways, that's what I've known depending I'm where you live. You live in LA. You're fucked no matter what your father. Yeah I think there's something to that but then there's also babies that get killed in drive-bys, right? Yeah, that's work That's where it gets real confusing. So I don't think it's I don't think it's necessary I don't think it necessarily really makes sense

I think it kind of makes sense, and then it doesn't. Just like the UFO thing and just like everything about human beings, I think there's a lot going on simultaneously. That's why I want that hour-long plug-in. I don't want eternal life. You know how long that is? I mean, come on.

I just want. You might have it no matter what. I just want to know, and then that's it. If you're living a new life every time you wake up you might get eternal life whether you like it or not That's what some people believe they believe that there's some religions that believe you will do this life over and over and over again Until you get it right Hmm. Well, I've got some work to do If you get it all right, you're not gonna get stand-up comedy

You know that's the problem We are almost dooming ourselves to repeat over and over and over again because to do our job Correctly you have to step out of line, and you got to crack a few eggs to make an omelet Yeah, it's a comedy is is pretty who's the Jeff Dunham mm-hmm remember him Yeah, sure, so I was opening for him in Miami, and I just remember this because This is the my ultimate egg cracking the crowd hated me for 30 minutes Oh, and so at the end of it all I took my shoe off And I put my sock on my hand and I go is this what you guys wanted and I started doing that

fucking put my sock on my hand and I go is this what you guys wanted and I started doing that fucking and then Dunham comes back and he goes this isn't gonna work this week and I was like I didn't think so I'm sorry but fuck I was just so pissed that's funny that's funny you mocked the people that wanted to pump it yeah they were not through that happens though if you bring somebody on the road you know and you're a big act like a puppet act like a very specific kind of act like they're like no one here like your Observations about your relationship shut up. No, I used to open for John Panett And I was in really good shape and people fucking hated I mean they used to have to pull seats out of his rooms like if it was a 380 cap

They'd have to bring it down to 350 to make room for him to move through The aisle well for his fans. Oh god cuz they they would bring him full cheesecakes from the Cheesecake Factory Oh my god. Yeah, they were He was funny man when I started in 1988 he was an established professional and I remember I saw him one night at Nick's comedy stop And he was fucking killing. Yeah, he had this bit about going to a Chinese buffet You've been here for our Out

Such a good bit and he would crush He was one of those guys too that he had the advantage of looking funny because he was just such a round Big smiley jolly fat guy that like you smiled when you saw him like this guy's gonna be fun. He's the most generous guy I ever met. Really? I had two kids living in Minnesota and he goes, I like you so I'm gonna match what the club pays you and I'm gonna pay for part of your plane ticket.

And I would I don't think I would have been able to keep doing comedy without him. Oh, that's nice. And I don't think I would've been able to keep doing comedy without him. Oh, that's very sweet. And now if you look up that Chinese bit, they've cut, you know how for clips you have to cut laughter? He just looks really racist. Oh! Because they've cut all the laughter out.

Oh no! So it's just him like doing the accent. Why'd they cut the laughter out? I think to make it the right time or something, I don't know, but it's brutal. Oh God, don't do that. It's don't know don't do that because that bit used to kill oh my god it'd kill yeah I saw him do that bit in Boston I was like oh my god he's a monster and when you see something like that when you are you know 21 you'd be doing comedy for four

months like what yeah but that there were so many guys like that in Boston at that time that were just murderers They were so fast paced and their punch lines would be bang bang bang. They had so much energy on stage Yeah, it was a crazy time like you're saying you have to in Boston because people don't want that downtime Yeah, well, I think that's the case with all cold Environments all like I said, New York was a lot like that. Places where people are fucking dealing with some shit. They don't have time for your nonsense. You know, you can't be out there,

although you can do a lot of that now in New York. You can get away with a lot of nonsense in the right rooms. Yeah, I think so. They want nonsense. They want you to sit and pontificate for a minute before you actually say something else. Yeah, they want you to put social justice ahead of your your laughter

Have to do that What if I just tell jokes whatever just say things I think are funny is that okay, too? Do I have to me when I'm saying yeah instead and how about don't laugh when you don't think it's funny Yeah, don't throw a fit. Just don't laugh. Yeah, I'll know When it is some guys have to find their audience and then once they find their audience Then the people go for them for that kind of comedy like that was the case with Mitch Hedberg That's the case right now with William Montgomery like William Montgomery. I don't know if you know him. Oh, can I tell you? Yeah, I did kill Tony last night for the first time. I didn't know anything about this guy

And he just fucking screamed in my face. I thought he was gonna punch me the face. So I'm sitting there watching this guy and I'm just like There's cameras on me. What happens if he hits me? I'm just gonna have to sit here So you thought he was a real mania? Oh, I thought he was insane. Oh, he's so funny When you see him do stand up you get it like when you see when and then when people become a fan of his cuz he's got a huge following now because it killed Tony and Then when you go see him lot, like the black keys came they did my podcast and they were gonna come to the club Afterwards they said dude can William Montgomery come is he gonna be on stage? I'll make sure he's there I'll call him up. So he wasn't even scheduled to be on the shot call

William black keys want to see it So he went up there with like full confidence in front of a crowd who knew who he was and he fucking murders But I used to see him years ago and people just didn't know what to make of him Yeah, he was just get starting out and he was so crazy He seemed so unhinged but then off stage like super nice guy like hey man. Yeah, did you meet him off stage? Yeah, he came over to meet ya and I was like are you fucking with me right now? Cuz I go you're screaming at me in, and now you're like the nicest person. He's your sweetheart.

Super, super, super nice guy. Yeah, he seemed to be nice. But that's the kind of guy that has to find his audience. Yeah, and you mentioned Hedberg. I mean, you watched the old clips. He used to eat shit, man. He ate shit a lot. There was a famous story about a club that booked him,

and the guy before him was like this really high energy guy. I think the guy actually did like a back flip on stage stage like something nutty like to close his set out and like super high-energy That was the middle act and it was like a lot of hack bullshit And then Hedberg went on after him it was bombing and so Got fucked over like they gave him the middle pay even though he's headlining and they made the other guy headline and he's like I got a contract They're like fuck you you bombed. It was like a big it was like a war with other comedians Stan Hope chimed in it was like a lot of shit going on

But that was a guy that once he found once people knew who what they would go to see him and he would murder Yeah, all non sequiturs, which always killed me. Yeah, it's like I was like, how does he even remember all of them? No shit. I started in many out heroin. Yeah. All non sequiturs, which always killed me. Yeah. I was like, how does he even remember all of them? No shit. I started in Minneapolis. Turns out heroin. Yeah. It's fucking really good.

It helps you remember everything, I guess. I started in Minneapolis, went to Grand Forks, North Dakota to do audition for this House MC spot. And Hedberg, it was right after he did Montreal and got his big deal. So I got to watch him the first time he's coming off that deal confident in his prime. I mean, nobody killed harder. He was so good. But he was also so unique and you wanted to see that kind of comedy from him. You know, he wanted to, he put you into this mindset. Like someone asked me, I wanted a frozen banana. I said, no, but I want a regular banana later. So yes. Yeah

This is such a weird cadence just such a silly unique cadence and how to find this audience Yeah And you knew when he was in town a couple weeks before you because all the young guys in that town would be laughing like him Talking like him a little Yeah, he's David tells the worst with that. Yeah like him, talking like him a little bit. Yeah, David Tell's the worst with that. Yeah. People start talking like a tell. It becomes so contagious,

because he's so good, and he's so infectious. Like, it's like, whatever he's doing is like, you're infected with his cadence, his timing, especially when you're young, when you're starting out. Hedberg got so famous, and I was so young and impressionable that we were out eating one time, and he has a joke about, you know what my friend said? You know what I like?

Mashed potatoes, come on man, you gotta give me time to guess. That's the joke. And I was the mashed potatoes guy, and I used it as a fucking intro, because everybody knew who Hedberg was so when I didn't have any credits I was like, hey, I'm part of his act. Oh, that's just That's hilarious. That's you that's funny. Yeah, he's another one we lost. Yep

That's been a long time too doesn't even seem like it That's the one thing about losing comics is you can you can see him still online and watch and all this shit. So they're kind of there forever. I see norm clips every day. Yeah every day some new funny norm clip Yeah, I just saw a norm clip but when he was on SNL about Madonna having a baby and he goes Madonna just had a baby seven pounds six ounces, which makes it the fourth largest object to pass through her vagina Six ounces which makes it the fourth largest object to pass through her vagina He was just fucking fearless man. Yeah, he was a wild fella. He was a wild fella Such a fun guy You know and the way he died is pretty gangster had cancer didn't tell anybody

Yeah, just went up to Canada to die. No, so yeah Going into the woods didn't tell anybody Went up to Canada to die. No, so yeah Going into the woods didn't tell anybody Which is crazy even his best friends like I'm friends with his literal best friend didn't know didn't know till it was over Yeah, they were making plans making plans to do stuff. Yeah Well, I suppose he didn't know how long probably I guess yeah, I believe he had pancreatic cancer Which is a really really rough one. Is that the one he had? It kills a lot of people I think they just found something with a protein that causes it

So they're they're talking like it's the big killer and so they're talking maybe they they figured one of them out Yeah, I saw that. I hope that's true Leukemia oh was Hicks Hicks had pancreatic cancer Yeah That's a rough one I hope that's true leukemia. Oh was Hicks Hicks had pancreatic cancer Yeah That's a rough one Yeah, he's another one magic that guy was still alive. I mean he died. He's like 35 something like that. He was young Yeah, and then he had he had such a body of work I don't think he's 35 and you go see I think and now I'm thinking about I think Hicks was like 32 or 33 when he

died That's unbelievable. I think about what I was 32 32 32 nuts Nuts and it changed everybody's comedy. Everybody's like Jesus. I wanted to be like Hicks Mm-hmm so much so that the back green room of the punchline Atlanta, Georgia Somebody wrote in the green room quit trying to be Hicks It's like yeah, every time I'd go there like yes So many people wanted to be like even. It's like, every time I'd go there, they're like, yes.

So many people wanted to be like, even Richard Jennings said that to me. He saw him and he said, every time I see him, I'm like, gosh, are you doing more stuff like that? Like, it was so profound for the time. Like to have a guy talking like that, the way he's explaining things, as well as making them funny, it was so different.

But if you're Richard Jenning and you wanna be in movies, being Bill Hicks isn't the way to get there. Nah, you know, it's just that thing that hits you when you watch someone. Like, fuck. Yeah. You know, that feeling of, God, I want to be doing that kind of stuff. Yeah. You know, but he wasn't that guy. He was just a silly joke after joke after joke guy, which

was amazing. But for whatever reason, we put so much weight on profundity. Well, yeah, people that are making a point socially relevant. You know, you think, I don't want to tell these fucking stories anymore. Right. Especially if you can do it, you can make a point and it's very funny. Yeah. Like it's an undeniable. Burr's great at that.

Makes an undeniable point that's very funny. Yeah. That's the fun part. Trying to figure it out. Yeah, the fun part. Well listen man, it's been great to get to know you, talk to you. Well thanks for having me in.

My pleasure, it's a lot of fun. Tell everybody where they can get ahold of you, your social media, website, everything you got coming up. Social media is That Chad Daniels on most spots, and then ChadDaniels.com for tour dates and then special on Netflix called empty nester Beautiful check it out. It's out now. It's out today while we're recording. Oh beautiful beautiful Um want to come down the club tonight do a set. I would love to Okay, cool. Let's go. All right. Okay. All right. Bye everybody Thanks for watching!