The Joe Rogan Experience - #2188 - Adam Ray

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

Adam Ray is a stand-up comic and actor known for his "Dr. Phil LIVE!" show and roles in "Pam and Tommy" and "Young Rock." His latest comedy special, "Like & Subscribe," is available on YouTube. https://adamraycomedy.com https://www.youtube.com/@adamraycomedy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The world is a big place and it's filled with all different kinds of people. So you're bound to find exactly who you need for your business. But where do you start looking? ZipRecruiter. Whether you need to hire a civil engineer in New York, a pediatric nurse in Nebraska, an attorney in Colorado, or even a mascot in Michigan, ZipRecruiter can help you find candidates with the right skills. And you can try it for free right now at ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. ZipRecruiter's smart technology works quickly to find top talent. As soon as you post your job, it uses powerful matching technology to scan through resumes and identify qualified people for your role, whatever it is. From accountant to zoologist, ZipRecruiter makes hiring faster and easier.

Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free at this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com slash rogan. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com slash Rogan. Again, that's ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Need more hot takes? Head to the FanDuel Sportsbook app. They got more ways to bet, more ways to win, and more ways to cash out quick.

You can cook up same game parlays on any MLB or soccer game all in one place, not to mention golf, tennis, and more. Download FanDuel and get more from North America's number one sports book. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connexontario.ca. The Joe Rogan Experience. Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. What's up baby? Joe Rogan. Good to see you brother. Dude, thanks for having me man.

My pleasure. This is a fucking pleasure. How fun was this weekend man? It was insane. It was not since Cher was at the garden has there been so much pain pneumonia. Bro when Brian Holtz was screaming about Billy Joel. I love how you were going right to that because I was like how long are we going to wait for Not since share was at the garden has there been so much pain to moan bro when Brian Holtz was screaming about Billy Joel you're going right to that because I was like how long are we gonna wait until we talk about Holtzman?

Isolating the room he was amazing he was amazing he seeing him at the Comedy Store Which we've seen him many times and then the mothership now Seeing him in an arena like that go full- on Holtzman is a real treat. Sixteen thousand people and he went just like he's in the O.R. He opened with Billy Joel. And then he's like, I don't care if you're famous here, it's your daughter, fuck him, we get it, you play the fucking piano. Yeah, it was wild.

He was amazing. The surprises on that show, I want to hear from your vantage point real quick, from obviously doing arenas for a while now a show like that because getting to see you for a moment before you walked out backstage and you were just like it was cool to see you looking at it like what the fuck this is why I was blown away first of all I have seen kill Tony evolved from the very beginning yeah so I saw some of the earliest episodes in the belly room but you were telling me Tony came to you and was like we do my show I got this new and you were just like

Yeah, fucking all right help a buddy out and then you have no idea what it was No, I wouldn't when I first did it. I was like, okay, let's have some fun I think I first did it he brought up by my might have first did it at the ice house They used to do it at the ice house in the little room Yeah I saw that was probably one of the first ones that I did and I did a bunch in the belly room And then it moved to the main room and then it moved to Texas when everything shut down They were trying to do it in the main room for a while with no audience Yeah, they did quite a few episodes with zero audience

It's just a story of persistence and getting what I keep telling you on commerce the consistency is so overlooked in this business and Tony just believed in it and also kept finding ways to evolve it and the more people you guys coming on and then like you'd see Saget come on and like more and more people started to go oh something different to fuck around with right yeah and he just got better at it too yeah yeah that's you know I mean he's he's a wizard at hosting that show yeah he's got he's managing all these moving parts. He knows when to bring people in and when to,

he knows how to work the panel. He knows how to let you go, let somebody else go. He's like, it's a dance, man. And the dude is the best at it. He's the fucking best at it. So for me, walking out there and seeing that crowd, I was like, this is insane. and to see the black keys on stage like this is in Jelly Roll Jelly Roll singing New York yeah like what the fuck is happening man this is

crazy yeah the pops that everybody got like all the surprises oh my god when Joey Diaz went on stage it was the loudest I've ever heard an audience cheer for any human being ever in my life I thought he was gonna be so you know taken aback by the roar that he was legit going to run for president Because he came out he was like you cock suckers back here. I came to the circus By the way he came in so hot and rode that high and got in like three or four bangers And I was I saw Tony the airport last night He was like I didn't even hear what he said and I go dude

He said something about like I played I was on quail oh They put me in a handicap section and then I fucking came to the circus It was a different circus where there was no net the clowns fell. They just fucking swept them out of the way So he went off. Oh, it's awesome. He went off. It was classic You never seen me do dr. Phil probably live right now. I don't think I have how was that? I think I might have saw it once at the mothership How many did you do? I've only done it on kill Tony twice, and then I did two Phil shows on a Sunday there But you were gone. That's right. Okay. Yeah, no, so that was the first time I ever saw you do it on stage

Yeah, and you know, I know dr. Phil no, no, he's been on the podcast. I'm good friends with his son. Yeah, so on the podcast, a bunch of good friends with his son. Yeah. So, you fucking nail it. So what is that like then? You nail it. Thanks man. It's gotta be weird for him. It's gotta be weird for him.

This guy is doing a comedic version of him and it's like the most popular guest on Kill Tony. What the fuck dude? Of all the, I mean, dude. It's a great guest dude, it's a great guest. And you know, the fucking, and that's not the best image because there you can kinda see that you got that thing on your head. Yeah, the ball cap, yeah. But you know, the fucking, and that's not the best image because there you can kind of see that you got that thing on your head.

Yeah, the ball cap, yeah. But you can't tell while you're on stage. It's fucking incredible. It's wild, right? It's so funny, dude. You have that character, that character is like. What's it all, it's still got the abrasiveness of like talk show Phil, right?

Like busting chops, like that's why it makes sense when I'm doing these roast jokes. Right. You're like, yeah, it doesn't seem, because even for me,, I didn't know I didn't watch like a whole season of Phil episodes There's during kovat well, I find are just stoned and drunk and watching bullshit And then we'd see these Phil reruns and I was just laughing because these kids would come on and they're like, you know My mom tried to tell me I can't smoke weed. He's like, well, maybe you should shut your fucking little twat mouth He wouldn't say but he was right right in a version

He was just like, well maybe you need to look in the mirror and see that you aren't exactly perfect. I mean, he just was real abrasive, but in a funny way. And it's a funny type of character to do this with, because everyone has some idea of who Phil is, but he's not so known that you're like, this wouldn't, like how do I know this isn't who he is? Right?

Right, right, right. And making him, I'm not defaming him either. I'm not there saying silly shit that's like racist or whatever, it's all goof. It's very funny, it's a goof. And I think he picks up on that. Oh, he's a great guy, I'm sure he does. I'm sure he's flattered. Well his publicists are trying to get him

to come on my show, which would break the internet, because what I want to do with the store or wherever, because now we're doing these theater, I'm doing the Beacon in November and the Miller theater in Philly and October and the Gramercy It's got done the Gramercy. Yeah, but all these Phil theater tours is what we're doing now like theater shows Wow, we're gonna do the ACL live here next year and majestic and and Celebrity Theater in Arizona No Fucking where's my where's my Phil, are you still cool with this cam?

Right here. Hey, Doc. So when he comes on, I'm like, dude, it'll break the internet when, because you know, there's a whole intro video and then, you know, please give it for Dr. Phil. And so I'm thinking, instead of me coming out, he walks out and people just go nuts. And then maybe after 20, 30 seconds, I come out, shake hands. Well, it's also, it's an opportunity for him to shit on you for having the biggest thing of your career imitating him. Oh, yeah. Well, that's what he said when he gave me to shit on you for having the biggest thing of your career imitating Well, that's what he said when he gave me guest of the year last year Yeah, you finally figure out a way to be famous pretending to be someone other than yourself

And you know though isn't it though a great Like as much as it like is so fun and so fun and I want to say this about with Tony too His openness to go I am always expanding not only comp, you know I want to be involved in exploring expanding comedy but the kill Tony show for Tony to for me to go Tony I think Phil on kill Tony would be fun. He's an advice guy. You were giving advice to comics but for Tony be like fuck Yeah, let's add more characters. Oh, yeah is really awesome No, Tony Tony takes a lot of risks and he likes to fly off the seat of his pants. He likes a little bit of chaos on the show. Like twice I showed up with people and I just brought them on stage. One time it was Post Malone and the

other time it was Tucker Carlson. Oh I saw that. Wait that was impromptu? Totally impromptu. They had no idea they were gonna do it until they did it. When I got there with Post I was like you gotta come the club, let's go hang out. We were having just a great, I fucking love that guy. He's such a nice guy. He's so nice to everybody. He's nice to everybody at the bar, downstairs, all the staff. He's just so normal, man. He just hangs with you. He can just hang with you. And so anyway, we're just hanging out. So you know, we're like, let so anyway we're just hanging out so you know we're like let's go to the club and so we get to the club and Tony was there

I think we went to dinner do we go there yeah we're going to dinner and then after dinner go to Edvies yes dude shit the best so we we leave there and I go let's go check out the club and it was kill Tony okay you got to see this show that they're doing It's called killed Tony. It's crazy. Oh, wow, so you're intro-ing to Show no idea. He has no idea what's going on. He has no idea. I'm roping him into this So I don't even have an idea but Tony sends me his text. Come on stage That's like alright, dude. Okay. I go come on man. We're gonna go on stage. He's like fuck. Yeah, really I go

Yeah, come on. Let's go stage, and he just went with it went 100% went with it sat down had great fucking time I had some funny lines David Lucas had he look like an unemployed crocodile hunter Dude some of David's lines are so spot-on the joke is just as good as like the like like like what did Jeff Ross called David tell When he came out on night two at the garden. He goes you look like you run a You manage a circus in Bosnia or something Lucas said that I looked like what was I was wearing that crazy fur coat and the glasses He goes you look like my 11th grade teacher. Did you catch outside of school? 11th grade teacher did you catch outside of school? Dude, I called Dave once, I go, all right, Hootie and the bloated fish.

Or, yeah, dude, that's another part of the show too, where it's like there's now been so many established parts that people look forward to, which makes an arena show so exciting for the fans because they're like, wow, I'm going to seeprises and bucket polls are you have so many elements that are spontaneous right and that's fun David saying those things was spontaneous in front of 16,000 people and crushing yeah, he's the best at that him and Tony back and forth I told them they should do a podcast to just David Lucas and Tony talking shit to each other because there's Compilations on the internet they're like a fucking hour long of just David and Tony just shitting on and laughing while they're shit to each other. Because there's compilations on the internet that are like a fucking hour long of just David and Tony just shitting on it and laughing while they're shitting on each other.

It's the best lighthearted shitting on people I've ever seen from two wizards at it. Like they're casting spells at each other. And fearless. But an underlying respect to where, and that's what's really cool. Friendship. Yeah, so that there's no personal offense ever taken

No, no, no, they love each other. Had you ever seen you watch? I'm sure some clips of Shane and I before like after we did that. Yeah, the mothers I saw I saw a lot of clips from that show. Oh my god that show is like What is the number up to now that episode 16 million dude? That's so crazy Do we were in it was a Friday and Tony calls me I was doing kill Tony But he goes change your plans need you to come Sunday. Bring your makeup gal, Shane's sticking around doing Trump. And I go, holy shit.

So in my head, I'm like, this'll be fun. You never still know how anything's gonna be received, right? Right. But I'm just like, I don't know, man. Shane's is popular and fucking likable and funny as it gets. And he has only done Trump on his sketch show and on SNL. And I feel like I'll be able to figure out a Biden

to whatever, but I know that Shane's down to play. So I knew that it was gonna be like, we're in the back, dude, we're in the makeup chairs and I'm shuffling around and Shane's like, what are you doing for the face? And I'm like, well, I kinda gotta get the, you know, the half smile going and like that. And then I was shuffling around

and I did the face a few times and he started laughing. And then at one point I just look in the mirror and he's just going, dude, we a few times he started laughing and then one point just look in the mirror and he's just going dude we locked eyes and we started laughing I go what the fuck are we doing dude? and then we were the best Trump of all time yeah his Trump is impossible bro he was so in the pocket and which is why we like made each other break a few times when we when we did the mothership because it was like I can't believe we're doing this for two hours

because it was like I can't believe we're doing this for two hours. I mean, yeah dude. But to run it back in the garden was like I think the move too. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It was awesome. It was amazing. The whole thing was amazing. It was incredible. Do you love... It's just to me it seems surreal. Like just standing there taking it all in. It's like what is going on? And how many people want to come in to fuck with, people want to come into fuck with for joy to come in for harlan to come in like yeah

Schultz flew in nothing from vacay just to like be there for that now he was supposed to be yeah he definitely threw flew in but he was supposed to be a beginning but there was a bunch of flights that got to maybe still made it so what a cool pop him coming out mid show incredible it was just so fun man just so ultimately fun just really just a great celebration. You know, a celebration of the success of the show and of comedy. Just fun, raw comedy. Totally, dude.

Do you, after all years of doing this, do things like that, I don't know, like mean a little more to like be able to see that, like something like that live, or is it like, does it give you, I don't know, a little more juice for just comedy in general to know that like we're in a cool time where shit like that is possible and happening I guess. Dude we're in an amazing time it's an amazing time for stand-up if you're funny and and you're

trying to have fun and just go out there and be silly people are looking for that right now man and they're looking for something that rebels against this mind virus. It's telling you how to think and behave. We don't like it. Like, shut the fuck up. You're not compassionate and also controlling. That's not possible.

This fucking scolding, shrill fucking stupidity that you hear from people telling you how you have to think and behave. These things are not up for debate. These are like existential threats to humanity and civilization. They aren't up for debate. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

I'm getting more and more just cognitive of like, just jokes. I get more and more bummed that people get really offended by certain things So I'm like stop paying attention that the key is like it's just just just like no one's really especially at our level Like people making those jokes. It's like because it sounded funny and it like was a you know, I don't know You know to each his own and everything's subjective, but yeah, but this is what's going on, dude There's always going to be people that wouldn't enjoy it, but they get to see it now. Whereas before, people just found out what you did,

you went to a club, you know, if you like the guy, you like the guy, you saw the guy on TV, you went to go see him live, and that was it. Now you're getting exposed to people that would never go see you live. Oh, bro, I get hit. And they just wanna talk so much shit. But that is just because you're getting exposed to people that would never go see you live. Oh, bro, I get hit up. And they just want to talk so much shit. But that is just because you're getting exposed to more people.

So there's pros and cons. The pros is the show gets 16 million views. That's insane. Like, what does an average Jimmy Fallon show get? Let's find out what that is. Like what's the amount of people? Maybe in the mills, probably. Let's find out. that is. Like what's the amount of people? Maybe in the mills probably. Let's find out.

I don't even know. I don't even know. But he's probably the most popular of the late night guys, right? So what does he get? I think Jimmy Kimmel quit, right? Did he quit? No, he's still going.

Oh, I thought he was gonna quit. Is he gonna quit? I just saw Jeff Globem hosting the other night. I think he's on vacation maybe. I would get to a point where I'm like You ever asked to do that? You doing a song with somebody the whole reason why I started a podcast is no one would ever give me money for a radio Show not even a radio show. Oh, wow, like I was thinking about that. I was like I would I remember when Opie and Anthony got They got taken off the air because they brought on a homeless guy who said some wild

shit about Condoleezza Rice like wanting to rape her or something fucking awful like this guy was like no idea at least in the know enough to know who was like yeah but he was just a crazy homeless guy right and opiate Anthony was a wild show I mean those motherfuckers especially when they got on XM. They could say whatever the fuck they wanted Oh my god, they definitely had the kind of the precipice of things kind of getting a little edgier. Yeah radio wise day So an average gets one million seven hundred and twenty thousand views That's for Jimmy Kimmel is that he's number one. Oh okay, Fallon is 1.4. Colbert is in the lead with 2.5 million. So out of those people, how many of them are tuning in because it's just on TV?

Sure. There's a thing that people do. It's 11 o'clock, what's on, you know, especially boomers. They're locked in. That's what they've done their whole fucking life. Yeah. See what's on TV. Oh, at eight o'clock, Colbert is on. Yeah, dude, just having a schedule.

And they just watch a show. Yeah, those are the same people that believe the news. Which is ironic. Did you see what happened with Colbert's audience? No. So, Caitlin Collins from CNN is on and See if I retweeted it. It's fucking hilarious Constantine from Trigonometry

Tweeted it and I retweeted I was like this is crazy. I just want you to see it Okay, before I describe it, but it is it's the audience laughing at But it is, it's the audience laughing at CNN being honest. Watch this. This is crazy. What's up bro? Oh, this is the government. They're attacking Twitter because of the Elon Musk thing. Guaranteed. Let's just call it that. Started from the side, from the beginning, and go big screen. Because this is so preposterous. Trump has kind of been thrown on his heels by this,

and he's not really sure how to go after Vice President Harris. He knew his attack lines on President Biden. He really has struggled with how to go after someone who's 20 years younger than him, who is a different gender, a different race. It's kind of been this moment where he has not been able to coalesce around a single attack line.

I know you guys are objective over there that you just report the news as it is. Oh, I know, CNN makes it. Was that supposed to be a lab live? I wasn't supposed to be, but I guess it is. Bro. Wow. Bro. Bro.

How crazy is that? The audience is like, shut the fuck up. That is hilarious They thought he was being a joker. They thought that was a joke. Yeah, that's how crazy this world has gotten we're fucking CNN Being unbiased is a joke to people in the audience. That's so crazy. Yeah, and why? What what got accomplished if you have you were running a business? What did you accomplish by doing things that way you've ruined your business because now people think you're full of shit yeah and you could have just been actual just

straightforward journalists and been beyond reproach and probably got away with you wouldn't got as much money wouldn't have got as much money. They probably, you wouldn't have got as much money. You gotta get those ads in. Do you think that's what they teach to in journal, I mean, I don't know, at some point, like when do you figure out when you're in journalism school or whatever that like there is, there's probably obviously a handful of people,

more than that, that wanna stay like, you know, authentic and true and really. There's a lot of those. And then at some point you just what, get an offer to go somewhere or somebody above you goes dude. You got to get that story out like you know I don't know and you're trying to get a name for yourself like any sort of sports pun it right sometimes They say wacky shit just to get their name out there, but well. It's good for the business, right? So if they write a thing that says you know hey everybody used to like Trump

I like this show you ever seen like videos of Trump on the view with Barbara Walters back where they liked him? you ever seen that? yes but I can't remember what you're referring to. you should see it because it's bonkers. literally bonkers it's going around see if you can find it the Barbara's he's just being... dude it's nuts it's like literally nuts like Sean Connery saying you can hit women nuts? no no they love him they love him everyone loves Trump on the view whoopie loves them Wow yeah Barbara Walters loves everyone's level of approval Wow everybody was friendly everybody was like they were considerate they were talking nicely to each other

was no attacks it was a wonderful conversation whoopie I love your hair what would you what what do you wash it with syrup and they just love it it's going around somebody posted brother I can't remember who posted it on on Twitter but I was like this is crazy watching it is just bananas you think they've seen what you would shade and I've done it all do you think they've seen like you're on there sure yes yeah this is it. Watch this. This is bonkers. Go full screen. This is literally bonkers. My friend. My friend. Watch this. Just watch this. This is nuts. We're in an alternative universe. Okay, because this is not that long ago. Go standing O. Bro, watch this. Just watch how this goes. Watch this. So she's a Republican, that's easy. Yep. But everybody else. Joy can't wait to get a hug in. Yeah, everyone's hugging. Look at this.

The joy can't wait to get a hug in. Yeah, everyone's hugging. Look at this. Look at this. Kisses, hugs, kisses to Whoopi. Everybody hugs and kisses. Even Joy Behar. Even Joy Behar hugs and kisses. See?

Now watch this. So I'm going to take you at your word that you have not decided yet when you're going to run, but you're thinking about it and you've expressed some of your views, which are controversial and in many ways. Yeah, but... Not to her. Well, not to her.

Okay, you're a Republican, but let's say that you do decide in the spring, right? And your ideas resonate so much. On the other hand, you know, we saw Newt Gingrich apologizing for his marriages and divorces. You've had three marriages, two sort of uncomfortable divorces. Do you think that the- Oh, not really. They were very comfortable. Well, me want me to, but do you think that-

Getting lapsed right away. Do you think that would bother anybody? I think the country is doing so badly, they want somebody that's going to help it. I think the country has never been in a position like it is right now. It's being ripped off by every nation, every intelligent nation in the world, whether it's China, they're taking our jobs,

they're making all our product, and then they loan us back the money we pay in mid-trust. That is crazy. Whether it's OPEC. That's crazy. OPEC, which is... Look at this, watch this. ...in the field day right now.

How about the Arab League? They say, we want you to go in and attack Libya These are the wealthiest countries in the world. Why aren't they paying us? Okay, so then they change their minds also So I did answer your question. I really think people I think maybe ten years ago It would have mattered five years ago The fact is I think people want somebody now that's going to protect them and protect this country because we're not going to be a great Country for long if we keep going the way we're going right

now. The audience cheers. Yeah. When we have France, France leading the charge okay France this is the our new leader by the way they led for about two hours after that nobody's seen them. Let me just ask a follow-up question to that. Let's say you run. You've given a lot of thought for this. Who would you like as your vice president? Possibly Sarah Palin? Well, I think it's far too early even to discuss that.

I'm going to make a decision sometime prior to June. I'm thinking about it very strongly. I think I'd do a really good job. I think I'd protect this country like it's not being protected. Now, it's funny. So many of the things I say, now politicians are saying, hey that's right. Why don't we, like, why aren't they paying us? If you look at North Korea, South Korea, we're protecting South Korea. They're making a fortune.

Let's call it hundreds of billions of dollars of profit on us. We have 25,000 soldiers over there protecting them. They don't pay us. Why are they paying us? You'd be treating this like a business. No, no, a business with heart. Believe me, there's a lot of heart. It's a business, but it's also a business with heart. We will destroy this country. It won't be a war if the economics of this country keep going the way they're going.

We're not gonna have a country. You're kind of a social liberal, Donald. You're a social liberal. Could you actually get the base to vote for you in the primary? Well, every poll is saying that I'm the one that does the best, you know, they're doing polls I actually have you a higher approval rating than Mitt Romney Tim Palentis John Boehner Let's just pause and think

Just he's very poised. He's listening. He's like yeah the 180. Yeah That the media's taken on him since he decided to be president. When you see the machine go after a guy, we've never seen the machine go after someone as bold-faced, you know, the prosecutions, the Russiagate stuff on television every night, all of it. And then to see just a few years ago. They loved him

Yeah, you know he was like a damn. He was a Democrat. I think yeah like 2000 and something Oh, yeah, 2008 maybe something crazy like that Clinton. I think we're all pals right there's pictures I'm a David Buster's and shit. Just oh, yeah, he's cute like what? I think he said that he had to pay them to come to a wedding Like they have a price if you pay them, they'll come to a wedding. Wow, pay to play as a spectator? Kids, what does this mean?

Accusation, it's a Trump accusation. See, the thing about, it's like, apparently he said that he was in a helicopter with Willie Brown, but it wasn't Willie Brown, it was Joe Brown, it was a different Brown. And so, now Willie Brown's saying, that's not true. a different Brown. And so now Willie Brown's in, that's not true. Donald Trump says his money

drew Hillary Clinton to his wedding. She had no choice because I gave it to a foundation. Wow. Yeah. Is that what I just said, is that true? Yeah, the Willie Brown thing, Joe Brown thing. I think that was is that true? Yeah, really running Joe Brown thing I think that was like a mistake he made and then people like he's old. She's young like Fucking seen her mistakes. This is crazy. The gaslighting is nuts. It's the same

Gaslighting they did to turn Trump into a monster now They're doing that same gaslighting to turn her into our future our hope. Yeah, and it's working. It's crazy to watch It's crazy to watch. Is it crazy to like I mean, I don't know Do you do you think it's only gonna get like 20 years from now because the the upswing I guess of just all social media Social media and media in general and then also you're taking the people that are you know involved like it's it's the perfect mesh of Of crazy and crazier, right? So this says, former Trump executive disputes his claim that Willie Brown was on board, right?

This is a woman said, Barbara Rez, the Trump organization's former executive vice president of construction development said, former state senator Nate Holden was on the plane, not Brown. Is that the same exact helicopter thing? So it's a helicopter crash? Is that what it was? So no Brown was on there, not Willie or Joe. He's been on tons of helicopters. It's all the you know what she was saying? You know what she was saying? Like, he doesn't have an attack strategy. That's I don't think you know

This is what I was trying to say when everybody got mad at me when I said what I liked about JFK, Jr Or RFK, Jr. Excuse me Robert F Kennedy is a guy who just goes after issues goes after goes after actions He talks about things this like Trump has like always in the past like attacked He's like attacked people attacked people and it's just in this case. I feel like I Don't know if What they're doing right now the way they're elevating. I don't know she's ever gonna debate him

They locked one in I think September 10th. What is that that going to be like when she's off-grid, off-paper? I don't know. Off-script. Wild. Just completely able to say whatever she wants, whatever she wants to say. If we get one of those. You kind of got to match Trump a little bit with his fearless,

like nobody has risen to the level of his, I'm just going to kind of interrupt and combat everything you say. Like, you have to be, go toe to toe and be in the ring. You can't be there and kind of just... Yeah, 100%. But I do have to say that that one speech that she gave right after they decided that she was going to be the nominee, that one speech where she said, if you're going to

say something, why don't you say it to my face? It was great timing. It was middle school recess shit. It wasn't just that man. The way that she delivered it was like very clear. It was prepared. Right. And so that means like she's coachable, you know, which is very important if you want to be a president. Right. You got to be coachable. Yeah. You know, so she figured out how to deliver a banger of a speech, right? Like play that because it's pretty powerful. Yeah, I think she'll have something to say back to him cuz nobody but this is the thing That's a speech. Yeah, but when you go to toe to toe to toe when you're just talking off the top of your head

That's where she has some issues. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think people lock up yeah, when they know that everybody is criticizing every word they're saying. And you're applying for a job as essentially the mom of the world. Oh, wow. Or the dad of the world. Yeah. You know, if he wins, that's what you are. You're the fucking dad of the free world, right?

But if she just does a Biden impression, goes, you're a sucker. You're a sucker. Just throws it right back at him. There's so many people watching you, your brain just freezes up with anxiety. But listen to this, this is amazing. Here's the thing, here's the funny thing about that, here's the funny thing about that. So he won't debate, but he and his running mate sure seem to have a lot to say about me. And by the way, don't you find some of their stuff to And by the way, don't you find some of their stuff to just be plain weird? Well Donald, I do hope you'll reconsider to meet me on the debate stage.

Because as the saying goes, if you've got something to say, Say it to my face. Damn. They knew it was coming. It's coming on my job. Yeah, she nailed that. She nailed that. How, do you think that's? That alone can get you the president. This is, we're in an idiocracy.

That alone, like she, that is very. Get a couple banger sound bites, right? You can't say that's not outstanding. Totally. She just crushed it. She crushed it. She had the big moment. Oh, I'm tuning in, this is pay per view now. She had the big moment She just crushed it. She crushed it. She had the big moment. Oh, I'm tuning in, this is pay-per-view now.

She had the big moment and she crushed it. And she did it without any ums or stammers, no fucking missed words. She had a smile, the laugh made sense. Made sense there. Yeah, yeah. For the first time. It was in context. When she laughs, like sometimes she laughs

like out of nerves, it seems like. Just try to get everybody to feel lighter about the situation. But that wasn't that one. That was like a genuine, just genuine smile and a laugh. Crushed it! That's a problem, that's a problem. And I don't think they thought

she was gonna be able to do that. That's the thing. You can fucking coach somebody, bro. It ain't hard, I mean, maybe she just practiced. Who are these coaches? There's public speakers and stuff? Oh yeah, public speaking coaches Yeah, there's political speech analysts

There's people that magic there's key people how to David Lucas gets hired to give her like some one-liners listen I mean, there's a crazy world where there's shit like that where there's somebody goes you need a couple zingers in your back pocket I don't know 100% that's not your world in your brain doesn't operate like that Trump's does Trump is looking at like, you know to make make a little put down or he's just quick in that way. Listen, he is quick in that way. Also, it would behoove him to hire a few great comics to just tour with them and just write one-liners about all these different fucking people. I mean. If he could remember them, I mean, I know he likes to go off his own head, but if he could remember remember a few Hinchcliffe bangers if he hires Hinchcliffe to take him on the road You know fucking insane that would be yeah, dude Hinchcliffe writing bangers for Trump to shit on people comedy cures

And it also is like sometimes what kind of just pushes things over the top The thing you're getting from him is you know, no one is coaching him, right? You know, he's going off the cuff You know, he's nobody gets to tell him what to do when he goes out there and he ties about thing It's like he's just off the cuff off the cuff and that's why it gets sideways sometimes Yeah, you know, it gets a little fumbly sometimes. Okay, but what I'm saying is it which she did was like a pro She did that like a pro. Yeah, that's where it gets dangerous because you don't think that was calculated You think that was off the cuff like just responding to what was yeah. No that was a

100% planned out thing. Yeah 100% and well executed. Yeah, like she fucking nailed it. Yeah The problem is that's what we're looking for. It's not even necessarily who has the best policies for the country. It's not necessarily who's gonna make real reform, who's really gonna change things and make it better for everybody, versus who looks like the kind of person who should be president, who's talking like a leader, who's got the whole audit, say it to my face, and the whole is off. What if that becomes a catchphrase? You're going around to every country. I mean, that's your there's gonna be those t-shirts That's your I caramba if you're Bart Simpson

Well, that's a bit of a problems and she does repeat the same speeches over and over and over again in these speeches So they have all these compilations of her saying things in the exact same order You gotta mix it up But this is the thing that they like about Trump is that he does not do that. When Trump goes up there, he is more than capable of talking for an hour and a half straight, be entertaining, he cracks on things, he says funny things, like he was joking around about Biden wandering around not knowing where he is.

It was hilarious, it was like he was a comic, he was killing. I know. And I guarantee you, he probably had an idea in his head that he's gonna shit on Biden probably, you know Had an idea how he's gonna do it, but that's like just being a free baller. Yeah, you're up there free ball He's the only one that can do that people do respond to that too Everybody does like you said want to look at somebody and go oh they represent us Well the same way like if you have a agent or manager, right?

You want them if they're out in public you go Do they are they an extension of me in a certain way? So we you want to see the best at it yeah clinton clinton when he was running for president the first time Bro, let me tell you something dude. He's the fucking Michael Jordan of those motherfuckers. I can't argue with that old school titty grabber From the supply called tits bazoombas you know he was an animal and play the sax and our city of guys smooth talked yeah better than and he was like that's the president yeah you hear him talking like that's our guy

exactly right listen to this motherfucker talk oh let me just get a speech when he was this is when he's the president we've never seen that he's the president he's playing saxophone give me a little bit of that on here slinging dick before the internet so i'm a deal this point we've seen footage of like nixon playing go fish there was no cool president doing now he was the coolest ever image you know people who lost their jobs their homes well I've been governor of a small state for 12 years I'll tell you how it's affected me every year Congress and the president signed laws that make us do more things,

that gives us less money to do it with. I see people in my state, middle class people, their taxes have gone up in Washington and their services have gone down, while the wealthy have gotten tax cuts. I have seen what's happened in this last four years. In my state, when people lose their jobs, there's a good chance I'll know them by their names. When a factory closes I know the people who ran it. When the businesses go bankrupt I know them. And I've been out here for 13 months meeting in meetings just like this ever since October with people like you all over America. People that have lost their jobs, lost their livelihood, lost their health insurance. What I want you to understand is

the national debt is not the only cause of that. It is because America has not invested in its people. It is because we have not grown. It is because we've had 12 years of trickle-down economics. We've gone from 1st to 12th in the world in wages. We've had 4 years where we've produced no private sector jobs. Most people are working harder for less money than they were making ten years ago. It is because we are in the grip of a failed economic theory. And this decision you're about to make better be about what kind of economic theory you want.

Not just people saying, I'm going to go fix it, but what are we going to do? I think we have to do is invest in American jobs, American education, control American health care costs, and bring the American people together again Okay, stop if that guy runs right now. He wins That guy runs right now. He fucking blows everybody out of the water easy listening voice Democrats come home with like every fucking state that guy wins Can you do that? He can't jump back in right now. No, no once you did to he's not the same guy anymore, right? He's not the same guy anymore doesn't have the energy

You're saying this type of guy scandals that guy if you could go back in a time machine and grab that Bill Clinton and run Him today. He wins and and it makes sense What if there was a younger son Clinton that was a spitting image of Bill and Monica Lewinsky was the running mate? Is there ever a world or is that too in the simulation? That's two in the simulation. That would be too strange. Be too strange? Yeah. But what if she came out and her policies were great and she had a say to my face,

but she goes, and she made jokes about like, and you know, we're gonna swallow the competition. I don't know, she did, you know. Well, the problem was she didn't swallow, right? That's all that got in the dress. Oh, that's right, all right. We'll clean up all the mess. Well, maybe just.

We'll clean up every dress and mess. I don't know Yeah, maybe she's wanted to keep this is just a soft pitch. I didn't say this was a great idea No, it's it. I see where you go It's nuts that that's what we used to get for choices Yeah, like they made sense when you saw Arnold in the mix because I feel like at least for me that was because I wasn't You know around obviously for the Reagan stuff but like to the Arnold was my first taste of like oh anybody can do you know I'm saying like how was Ronald Reagan when he became president right I mean it doesn't make sense to us but if you were

someone who grew up during that time when he was a movie star yeah it's like you know Dennis Quaid being the president yeah Yeah. Yeah, and he's playing Reagan Oh, yeah, same gal that did his makeup does my Phil stuff. Oh, that's why she's a go Jen Aspino. It's just like You know, the world has gotten real weird man It's real weird when we know what the trick is everybody's talking about the trick I mean, there's all these videos of Kamala off script just and talk nearly as clearly I mean, there's all these videos of Kamala off script. She doesn't talk nearly as clearly. It's not, well, but if you could just keep her

on that script and focus, everything else, now you're still running the show. You're still running the show just like you were for the last four years. Because like, no one even talks about Biden anymore. Like literally, you don't even care that he's still the president for quite a few months. Yeah, it's August kids, September, October,

November, December, no president, no president. And also, how bad does he deteriorate between now and then? Because clearly that man is at the end of a long road. The presidency took its toll on him, I think. It takes its toll on everybody. Because he aged quicker than him. Yeah.

I mean everybody. Although Trump just come He seemed fine. Yeah, he seemed fine four years didn't age him at all. Yeah wild wild They do just water off the backs back. Well, you look at LeBron. He's fucking forward playing 20-plus years Some people just got a little extra juice LeBron spends millions of dollars on his body. He's never been out of shape. You know, he's constantly...

Oh, Trump and LeBron don't spend the same amount of money on their bodies? No, it's a little different. Yeah, okay. You really can't compare the two. Also, it's not like, you know, the NBA ages you like that. No, it's the stress of knowing you could start a fucking nuclear war. The economy rides on you. Why would you want that stress?

Even running for president seems like the craziest thing to even just the campaigning you see when people drop out after four or five six seven eight months I'm like god what do you do now like is that withdrawal or even that come down it's like a shroom come down where you're like fuck now you're questioning everything cuz you're like you put everything into it but then is there a weird like fuck I didn't have enough to even get close like or do you just go alright? I I gave it a shot, and it wasn't my was my time Fucking I mean depends entirely on the individual

Yeah, I think it's just people just getting fed up that want to throw their self into that crazy race But that thing is nuts you never had any of that right like through any part of your once you even like no Oh, that's wild. That's a different type of there's a being wanting to be on stage and make people laugh Because my buddy mine said this to me just about you know as we were talking about You know actors whoever running for president and he was like, oh be great if there's a comedian that ran and I'm like Yeah, but we don't that's not our Al Franken probably could have run. Yeah, we could have run Yeah, and he probably could have won. Yeah, he's he's a really interesting guy Yeah, he just got fucked

Yeah, I had was it that picture. Yeah. Yeah, there was a picture. He was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny Yeah, it's just unfortunately place wrong time wrong hands wrong trying to be a comedian trying to be funny, you know, oh Wait real quick. I just had a thought when dice came out and did is because I wanted that That first of all talking to him about being back in the garden, you're just saying just being funny or whatever. And watching him do his hickory dickory joke at the garden again was wild, dude. And hearing him talk about being back there was so,

that's a, there's so many small things in between the entire garden experience that I was like, I want to not ever forget this because seeing him even just be there I was like that's crazy. Well Dice was kind of on the outs with the comedy community. It was to me it was the dumbest thing I'd ever seen. It was real weird because he did MTV and he got banned for life from MTV for telling jokes. I forget what the jokes were.

During the poly area or no Yeah, I was kind of around that time maybe a little after poly was off of MTV, but um he had These jokes I forget even what he was joking about like their bonds and something no You know I don't even know what the fuck he was joking around about. That was perfect. But it was Andrew Dice Clay. You asked the dirtiest comedian of all time to do a set. Yeah. And then you got mad when he does the kind of jokes that Andrew Dice Clay does.

Right. Do you even fucking watch his shit? No, they probably didn't. Do you ever watch Dice Rules? They heard he was popular and they just were like, get the guy who everyone's watching watching what the fuck they thought if they thought he was gonna do something different because he was on MTV I don't know what they thought but anyway, they banned him for life and There was a lot of comedians that came out against him

a lot of comedians said that they thought his act was sexist and racist and Yeah, it was like but it was a character yeah he was like there's a man his name is Andrew Silverstein and this is character Andrew Dice Clay and the whole idea is like that some stupid people like him stupid people like a lot of things but smart people like him too totally because it's jokes yes he's being hilarious saying the most ridiculous shit, and for whatever fucking reason, he was on the outs. He wasn't respected by a lot of comedians. It was real weird. He was disrespected. And it was like, I get it if you don't like that kind of comedy, but it's like, who are you to decide what's good?

Like, I don't think that way, but I think it's funny when people say things that way. Yeah. Like, I'm not really mad at Billy Joel. I think he's awesome. Yeah. But when Holtzman was shitting on Billy Joel, I loved it. Couldn't get enough. Yeah. It was amazing. It was funny. Also, nobody shits on Billy Joel, so it was like...

Yeah. That's also why it's funny. Like every... You gotta hit him and hug him, dude. Everybody has to be fucked with. I'm sorry. You know, and there's loving degrees. Obviously, like, you know, somebody's... I don't know. Again, like jokes, there's there's I mean some of the jokes I've had with friends who have been Really bad hospital bedridden and like that's changed their entire outlook on stuff like you know like you gotta be able to joke around Yeah, dude. It's a real superpower. It's it's really I mean even some from some of this first stuff Which is so silly dude some of these messages like messages I get are wild about people this kid. I met in Jersey. She's in the stress factory

You ever do this for all time Vinny Brand. Yeah, so I'm doing the these shows and this kid comes up And he's like my mom has cancerous four months to live We've been watching your Phil stuff is all that she wants to watch and it makes her smile so that's our thing now and he starts bawling and I got all choked up and it makes her smile. So that's our thing now. And he starts bawling, and I got all choked up, and it was like, just more and more of that happened in the last few years, and not just of that stuff, just... Dude, comedy's medicine. It's wild, Joe. It's medicine. It really is.

It's medicine for people. Because I think we get so, and I know I'm guilty of this, like a lot of us, when you're getting going, you're so, you're thinking, you know, yeah, about the show and making people laugh, and I'm present, and afterwards chatting with people and taking it in. But those, now that we have this opportunity to receive messages like that

or hear it live in the face like that, it's wild. I've never- No, it's amazing. It really is amazing. And it makes me so even more lucky to be a part of it. And you look at something like Killtonia, it's like having to be global. There's people in probably Beirut

that were having a shit day that saw fucking Hans Kim in there like, dude, I always want to see Hans Kim in the garden or whatever their dream was, you know? Well, yeah, it's, it's, it really is like a kind of medicine. It is for me for sure. If someone makes me laugh, I feel way better. When did you start getting like, love like, messages?

What I wanted to say though, before I forgot, because I was going, so Dice, Dice is embraced now by this class. Yeah Oh, yeah to this group of comedians that are coming out dice was one of my heroes when I was 19 years old I mean I was laughing so hard at his kid I was in my car in front of my house with his girls dating. I was 19. We were listening to dice on a cassette We're just sitting in the front seat of my car, just laughing. Ah! It was so funny.

I couldn't believe how funny it was. And it was just listening to it on a cassette. You know, and then as I became a comedian, a headliner, and traveled with Daga on TV all the time, and I became friends with Dice. And then I realized some comedians don't like Dice. I was like, this doesn't even make sense to me. What are you guys talking about? Like the guy does legitimate performance art on the street. He does for no money.

He plans it out. He strategizes and he makes these videos of him stumbling into people and telling them you want you wanted the them you wanted the picture, you wanted the picture with me. They have no idea who the fuck he is. And it's genius, it's genius performance art. The guy does not get the credit that he deserves. And it's for whatever reason, he's a great guy. Just for whatever reason, there was this weird time period where comedians hated him.

And I don't understand that. Doesn't make any sense to me. I think he got too big too. Because he was the first guy to ever sell out arenas, right? He was the first guy that was doing those like he did Madison Square Garden multiple nights sold out You know, he does every way he did Nassau Coliseum So it was a classic got so big people just want to kick him off the mountain There's a little bit of that for sure because there's no comedians before him that was doing arenas Right and he was doing a different thing because he was doing this thing where everybody knew the jokes and they wanted to say it with

Him what's in the bowl bitch? It's like a rock band you're seeing a band play your favorite song Yep, so he had the rhymes man the, you could not go wrong with those rhymes. And, you know, he's dressed in a fucking giant, glittery biker outfit. It's fucking crazy. I do not like a little bit of that. It's fun. It's like there's all kinds of comedy. You can love that and still love Patton Oswalt.

I think he's funny, too. It's like all kinds of stuff is funny, man. Duncan Trussell's hilarious. Everybody's different. It's okay. So much yeah. But it's just this this class of comedians gets that. This group is awesome. This group of comedians gets just be funny. It's all bullshit unless you're funny. And another fun thing about Kiltoni is that it's like you know the the audience that has cultivated it's putting you know having dice on like that is like, people who may or may not have fully been educated on Andrew will now be like, oh fuck,

and then go back and do a deep dive and then- Well a lot of these kids have no idea he even existed. Yeah, that's wild. Okay, because they're 20. Yeah. You know, they're 20 years old. Yeah, they don't see guys TikTok clips. Okay, they were born in 2004, son.

You know? That is crazy. Yeah, dude. You already had navigation in your car and those kids were born oh yeah and so they don't know what the fuck is going on who's that guy why is everybody clapping yeah and you got to become a comedy historian and you got to go oh dice rules you and then listen to the day the laughter died you want to be a real dice fan you listen to the day the laughter died it's two hours

long my god okay Rick Rubin produced it. It's two hours long. Oh my god. Okay, Rick Rubin produced it Oh my god, two hours long of him just popping into danger fields with no material and Bombing and oh, yeah Purpose on purpose in the height of his stardom. Okay, this guy's selling out Arenas and he decides to do a two disc special of him bombing on purpose. On purpose. I love that.

I mean, no material, dude. No material. No, no. Bombed on purpose or bombed and then it was? Bombed on purpose. Look, if he wanted to, he could have done his act and he would have crushed. They would be, oh my God, it's dice. He decides to bomb on purpose. Dude, it's

the craziest thing. Because the kind of ego you have to have to be able to bomb on purpose on a CD and then put it out. No internet by the way. This is all in his crazy head, right? This is not a thing you do because you know you want to impress people on Reddit. This is a wild thing he did as an artist it really is a wild artist move And this is where I think he doesn't get enough credit because everybody thinks oh, he's just the dirty guy He's the guy who tells racist jokes. It's like no no no no no no no no innovative pay attention What this fucking crazy bird is doing and the thing he does now? He's not trying to get People to like know who he is He's just making this the most uncomfortable video and the people who are fans of his like he's a fucking maniac

He's walking up to this crazy Chinese lady. Oh, yeah, do you want to picture? I don't know what the fuck to do and he's big and he's a pose Yeah, crazy sunglasses. He looks like he might be an insane person. Oh, you're worried about your safety. Yeah. Yeah It's hilarious he's a fucking he's a genius it's inspiring to see somebody like that that has that doesn't lose their zest for right the funny like even in the green room at the garden he was doing videos with everybody and he came up and he goes Phil do a video for me where I come up and you go hey I'm talking to my fans and I go I go what he goes no no

but in character right now you're Adam do Phil so then he comes up and you go, hey, I'm talking to my fans. And I go, what? He goes, no, no, but in character, right now you're Adam Dufil, so then he comes up and he goes, hey, I talk, and I go, Andrew, I'm talking to my friends, will you fuck off? And he goes, Jesus fucking Christ, this guy. And then he puts it back and he goes, I thought I liked this guy. And then he goes over to Sal and does a little video

and yeah, he just was like, he always fucking around. And it was like, and that's what the backstage vibe should be you know dude He used to do these little sketches at the store, and he would do it with a VHS Handheld camera he do sketches at the store, and I asked him one night. I go. What are you doing these for it was full I'll put it together He was just having fun. Just having fun.

Oh, the first time he brought me up in the OR at the store, Jeff Scott was over there on the keys and he goes, Jeff, who we got next? And I met him maybe three times, but didn't expect him, whatever, but he goes, and Jeff goes, Adam Ray. And he goes, oh, I love this guy. And we didn't know each other. And he goes, this guy, you've seen him here, you've seen him there. Keep it going for my friend, Alan Gray.

And then I get up, and then I get up and he goes, sorry, I had to, right in like to me. And I just laughed and I was like, yeah. Just got harassed by him, yeah. He's, I would love when he would go on stage in the OR and there'd be like 10 people in the crowd. And he would just fuck with them. What a treat to get to see that.

Look at this fucking guy. Look at this fucking guy with his pants it looks like he got attacked by a fucking mountain lion how much did you pay for those pants you fucking moron it's like this I would call it mean dice yeah that was my favorite dice to watch in the OR would he do mean yeah they're like this is roasting me get the fuck out of here they were were dying. They were dying. It was funny Yeah, it was like it sounds mean what I'm saying it, but mean dice was hilarious has he he's been to the mothership. Yeah Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, he loves it. Yes

I'm just happy the I was always just would freak me out to become his friend because I Does that one for you? That's just crazy that as far as like in the business you're like I was young man I was friends with him in my 20s Wow and I was standing in the back of the car He's the reason why I started going on the road Because I was standing in the back of the comedy story is like you should do the road and I said why I was like I'm here at the store. He goes. Yeah, I know but you know what you don't want to be attached to Hollywood these fucking jerk-offs He's like you can make all the money that you need on the road

Wow, you get us get an audience he goes you're a funny guy She do the road and I was like I should do the road so I start doing the road before three years Yeah, yeah, yeah opened you up to the idea 100% for years I was mostly just doing the store and I would do the laugh Factory and I do the improv and I was just doing the store and I would do the Laugh Factory and I do the improv. I was just doing Hollywood sets and occasionally I would do something else where it was a long set but it was a little awkward because I was mostly doing 15 minute sets you know and so then I started headlining again I was like oh yeah you have to do this you have to do hours yeah you have to do like

four hours on a weekend like two out, two on Friday, two on Saturday, but it's like the problem was I always had like one foot in and one foot out because what one foot in was like I was always working on television. So that was like most of my day. Most of my day on news radio was working on the TV show. Like it dampens your enthusiasm for doing the thing that got you to the dance. but I Want set a news radio once and the producer said to me why do still doing stand-up? You're an actor now I was like, oh no. Oh shit I was just like like this whole cycle of needing people to pick you for something. I was like, yeah Get me out of this. Why are you deciding what I should, you know be to people and it was at that same time

We're dice told me you do the road. Wow, Wow same time so it was like a fortuitous universe Yeah Convergence of this guy that I couldn't believe I was friends with it was just weird to me with those news radio days be so Long that sometimes you wouldn't want to go up and do a spot or was it? I always did it. I never canceled. Yeah, I always did it even though songs exhaust It was your reward to write you were looking forward to it like I can get through the day so I can get on stage Almost it's a little bit of that, but it was also, those were my people.

The comedians were my people. I had to be around the freaks. I had to be around the weirdos, the Holtzmans. I became friends with Holtzman in 94. Wow. Yeah, so I had to be around those guys. Those are my compatriots. It is wild how quickly you find that out,

that you are in the right spot. I remember when I first started going around the store, in what, 2000, I started standing in 2007, so I was right around there and just going open mics and waiting for four hours and Tommy telling me I'm going up and then not going up and then being like, and he's like, well, maybe come back tomorrow and then just, but being around, even if I didn't go up,

I was around for four hours and I didn't just sit and wait, I like milled around and that's where I met Tony and all these guys that you're like, oh cool, you're doing this too. And that was the connecting over that is an immediate bond that's just like, once you kind of lock eyes with someone, they're like, oh, you're trying to do this too?

Unspoken respect and then also like, oh cool, somebody that like, oh, we both didn't go up or you got up, oh cool, yeah, well dude, next time maybe do this and then, oh, where are you going now? You know, it's late, like I'm fucking, I'm jazzed from watching four hours of comedy and not going up and I feel like it's sad

if I just go to bed. So oh well let's go fucking play video games and smoke weed and just talk about our experience of that night. And yeah. They're wild times that you don't appreciate at the moment because you're worried. You don't know if the future is ever gonna be real.

You don't know if you're ever gonna be a real comedian. You don't know if you're ever going to be a real comedian, because you want to do it, but you're obsessed with it. But it's hard to even get on stage. It's hard to even take the first steps towards the dream. So it's like, even though it's an amazing time, and you're going to look back on it so fondly forever, at the time it's crazy. At the time you just don't know. And that

not knowing and not being able to control your destiny as a young person is one of the most terrifying and paralyzing feelings because you don't know if it's gonna happen in whatever you're trying to do. You're just, you're a fog of, you know, hope and dreams and I don't know. I don't know, I can't see the future. I don't know if it's ever gonna work out. The uncertainty that is a constant cloud over your head, but also the appropriate amount of delusion and enthusiasm for wanting to make it, right?

Or make it, I mean, just wanting to be able to work in this world. Well, I was very fortunate that I'm a very determined person, because I was terrible when I started Say it up. Yeah, I mean occasionally I had some good jokes, but I was bad at putting together But I didn't know how to write I didn't know I just knew like what I liked and I knew that I could make people laugh in Inappropriate ways I just couldn't figure out how to get that. Were you comfy on stage? No Yeah, it took a while took a while for me to be comfortable on stage. It was just so crazy.

I was so nervous about it, but I had fought like a hundred times. It's just so weird that like getting kicked in the head didn't make me as nervous as talking to people. That's so wild to me. It's so crazy. There was a lot of fear that came with the fighting that didn't come with stand-up like all throughout the day. Like you have massive anxiety all throughout the day, when sparring days, you have massive anxiety when you're going to a tournament. And that's when I became funny because I would make everybody laugh when we were all freaking out. Because we

were like on a bus driving to New York together to go get kicked in the face. And I would just make jokes because it's very likely that one of us might get knocked unconscious. You know, I'd seen a few of my friends get knocked unconscious. And it's very likely that one of us might get knocked unconscious. You know, I'd seen a few of my friends get knocked unconscious. And it's a terrifying feeling. When I saw a friend of mine get ax kicked in the face and he was really never the same guy again after that. He was a really good fighter and we went up to Canada and he fought this guy named Jersey Long and Jersey Long was this national champion from Canada who was nasty and he fought this guy named Jersey Long. And Jersey Long was this national champion from Canada

who was nasty, he was nasty. And he caught my friend in the head with an axe kick and KO'd him. And I didn't think my friend should have been fighting him. I didn't think my friend was good enough at that point and experienced enough, he was good, he was very talented. But he didn't have enough experience on a national level and this guy was at the peak of his form

and he fucking caught him so hard and it was so Horrible watching him crumple and go unconscious. I was like god damn It was one of the worst chaos I'd ever seen live from like a friend getting KO'd It's like god damn. That make you really just reevaluate. Oh, it made me a bunch of times made me reevaluate KOing people made me reevaluate everything at that point. Oh, it made me a bunch of times, made me re-evaluate. KOing people made me re-evaluate it. Watching people snoring on the ground and knowing that could have easily been you, easily could have been you. Easily, you know? Easily.

There was definitely guys that could have knocked me into the shadow realm. They just didn't. I just got lucky. I got lucky and I never really got knocked out until my last kickboxing fight. I got TKO'd. I was still conscious. I was okay. I got got lucky. I got lucky and I never really got knocked out until my last kickboxing fight. I get tko'd I was still conscious. It was I was okay. I got rocked I got hit with a left hook and dropped my legs just disappeared. My legs just went weep go away What's that like? It's weird. It never happened before I've been rocked before in the gym

But I'd never been dropped where I was really exhausted It was my third fight of the night too because even that's a crapshoot, right? Like when you're getting kicked in the head you go down or whatever it is that knocks you out Yeah, it's still right There's always the oh a couple centimeters to the left and that would have actually this guy caught me perfect on the jaw And I think I had my mouth open because I think I was tired because it was like I said it was the third fight of the day and I Remember being exhausted because I would get sick a lot of times before fights because I would get nervous

So I get real nervous and your immune system drops Wow cuz you're freaking out all the time fuck Yeah, and also you're cutting weight. I'd be cutting my calories down So I was trying to compete a different weight class those nerves don't enter in the comedy like before your live special Which I told you a couple days ago, but it was awesome. Thanks Thank you. And also I'm just I love doing a different man when Harlan Williams did a fucking special outdoors in front of animals. I was like fuck Yeah, you know doing something different, but the live thing is so not guaranteed man. You're prepped. You're ready You've done live but like still you're you're still it's still a new challenge, right? I mean I said no to it at first right I was like I don't do that fuck that

We'll put you over the top and what and what was the nerves like that were well? We'll put me over the top was I was like why you scared pussy Okay, this is like. What do you like to do you like to do things to scare you do this thing you fucking bitch Yeah, that's exactly what I thought to myself because I said no I was on the phone with my manager, and she said Netflix wants to do a live specials like fuck that I go I don't want to do that. No, no, no. Tell him no.

Maybe I'll do a special. But at that time, I wasn't even thinking about doing a special. I was just working on comedy. I was just having fun and just doing comedy. And then being at my own club, it was fucking wonderful. And then I was like, why are you being such a bitch? As I drove, and then I said no. And then when I got home, I think, or maybe the next next morning or called her up and I said don't tell no yet

Let me think about it And then the next day I said I'm gonna do it Conversations with other people about it or you just kind of had a I didn't tell anybody a car pep talk or what no No, just my own head. Yeah, it was like this is what you're supposed to do stupid Yeah, just do something do something that scares the shit out of you because that scares the shit out of you but I just realized like I'm having great shows. I know that I'm having the materials tight. It's funny. I'm like, what am I worried about? I'm not gonna be able to do it every night. Just do it like a regular night and I do everything live

I do the UFC live I do. Yeah, I used to do YouTube videos. We used to do live Yeah, you just stream the podcast live. I've done so many shows live, like what am I worried about? And I'm like, oh, you're worried about fucking up. Okay, well don't think about fucking up. Think about doing it the best way you can do it. And the best way I could do it was to over prepare. So I prepared like crazy. I was in at one point in time,

I was doing six hours a week. So I was doing three nights nights two shows a night headlining After you're ready at that point after like an hour and 15 minutes of other guys Killing an hour and 15 an hour and a half sometimes one time was an hour and 45 minutes because the protect our parks guys We're all with me shit, so we all went out. We were blazed. We're all so drunk We were so drunk When we got there we we hopped out of the limo and ran upstairs and it was ridiculous at one point Norman got so drunk during the podcast that he went backstage

Threw up and then went to sleep. So, you know that backstage area. Yeah, like right behind the stage? Yeah, he was sleeping up there. Yeah, out cold. So he goes up and then you know Ari's hammered, he goes up, Brian Simpson was there, Tony was there, like it was a giant crazy show. So but all those shows when you're going up that late it's like running with weights on. You gotta keep that momentum on, you gotta keep things tight. So all I did was just over prepare I just really listened to a lot of recordings I watched the video from Friday night because we recorded Friday night, too Oh great, so I watched that video I was writing bits out that I knew but I was writing them out word for word on a notebook over and over again

And when you're over prepared, I'm assuming I don't know if you riffed anything in the moment But I feel like when you are that in the pocket you're like all right now I feel comfy to shoot from the hip yeah you could just do a show yeah like a regular show like how you would do it that's how I thought I'll just go I go I want to over prepare but I just want to do it like a regular show yeah but it's also a regular show in a theater which was odd because I had only done my club for a year and a half I hadn't done any other venues Yeah for a whole year and a half before Friday night. I had not done any other big places Wow, yeah for a long time. I think the last time I did a big place was probably one of the arenas that I did

And then I went to the club and then I stayed in the club for like a year and a half So next special you have to be like what blackout drunk? And then I stayed in the club for like a year and a half so next special you have to be like what blackout drunk Just to mix it up. No. I think I'll do a live one again. Yeah, it was fun It was fucking terrifying but fun like in the moment. It wasn't terrifying at all Yeah I was just in the moment and I always doing was just concentrating on staying in the moment and enjoying myself and having a good time and Doing it the best I can do it and being you know real

I was so prepared because I knew like what my transitions were gonna be. I'd done that set in that order for like three weeks. I was like, I was ready. Yeah, we're gonna live stream these Phil theater shows, I think, just taking a page out of the Kill Tony book. It's like, people, you know, because there's only a handful of theaters we're doing,

but it's like, there's people, you know, you can reach way a bigger audience doing that. And mean it's all the Phil shows all unscripted So it's like there's a little more room for you know something whatever, but I don't know Well, there's a lot a lot of room for it, but the most important thing You're like actually don't the most important thing is that's what people like yes They like that you're going without a net right they like it. Yeah, that's why they like the live kill Tony's That's why they like all this stuff. Yeah, anything could happen. Yeah, look kill Tony at its base The whole thing is there's no net you know it's like you're gonna go up

Some guy went up in Mass Square Garden the first time you ever went on stage ever ever That's fucking so crazy man. That's so crazy. I mean what a mind fuck Yeah, that must be walk out in front and by the way those people were harsh I was gonna ask you how do you feel with like a joke in they're like so my mom is my mom my mom's my mom's weird Like fuck you Yeah, I mean the booze coming so quick sometimes also. They're drunk. Okay. There's there's people out there. They've been ready for this show all day. They've been day drinking They probably went to a pub. Yeah fucked up with New York. Yeah Yeah, they're walking and then they walked into this the most iconic arena their favorite show. It's live. There's 16,000 people

They're fucked up. Yeah, let's go. Yeah, and then some guys on stage and it's not that good like I paid for this especially Especially in New York. Especially in New York. They're not polite. If it's going south, they're gonna let you know. But that's part of the fun. Because when it goes great, they let you know too. They're great laughers.

God damn, when they were laughing, they were laughing hard. It was a fun show. It was really fun. But it's that weirdness of like, it could go sideways, it could be awesome, but it's that weirdness of like it could go sideways it could be awesome yeah but it's always gonna be funny yeah and so and then you got the regulars like William Montgomery is a goddamn national treasure right can't get enough of them I true I've him to death me too man like so funny dude

he's so fucking funny and he gives it he's so I love to when people are just so he's such a kind guy but he's so like he just commits fully dude Yeah, he's just always in the pocket and he's always that's a tough thing too is going on Like I've only been on his long panel or a five ten minute bit And it's like to go on for a minute and then however long the interview part is he's just always he always delivers I guess which is he's a Easy character. Yeah, he's just a maniacal character and you can get away with so much as that maniacal character I met his by he's got two brothers by what met one and he goes. Hi, my name's Vance

He goes from Williams brother and I was like, of course you are All the William like really just a very intense like William hugs you Oh, yeah, he hugs you? Oh yeah. He hugs you like he might be stabbing you. He hugs you like a Trump handshake. Like he pulls you in and then it's really It's weird. Like he's stabbing you actually.

That's very tense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he might wanna stab you. What is that? That's just a I don't know what it is. I'm trying to relax him on it. For several years now.

Yeah. He just hugs you and you're like, am I in trouble? Am I in danger here? What the fuck is happening here? Yeah. He's just, I love him. Are we jumping out of a plane? Why are you holding onto me so tight? Yeah, he just hugs you and you're like am I in trouble? My danger here Yeah, it's just we jump out of a plane. Why are you holding on to me? So what a writing exercise that show is to have to come up with a whole new minute every week. Yeah, that's bananas Yeah, it's a bananas experience I mean, it's such it's such a crazy job and to do it live in front of a crowd and they have it on YouTube And if you bomb it's on YouTube forever, it's like that's the ballsiest shit you can do man.

Let me ask you this, would you ever go on, like now that there have been, you know I've gone on as a few characters, Shane going on doing Trump, if there was ever a pitch to you from Tony or whoever, because you're a good actor man, and would there ever be a world if somebody was like dude Joe let's get you up and some to come on and do like a bucket pull that was like a wild person, not even like a long panel somebody was like dude Joe let's get you up and some to come on and do like an impression that was really good it was like a wild person not even like a long panel thing but like a yeah I would do that like a fake person you know I'm saying it would have to be a person that I could actually do an impression of okay because I'm not that good I only have a few like I can do dice and I could do Joey but it's only a few but

what about an original there's a guy named Earl Strickland. This is my best impression My best impression is a professional pool player. Let's go for real His voice is the way he knows a video of me doing impression to him I sound exactly like him awesome, and I say the crazy He's he's a genius genius pool one of the greatest pool players of all time But like all people that are incredible at what they do. They're nuts Yeah, almost all people that are really really good at things are out of their fucking mind Oh, yeah

And he's out of his fucking mind and he's famous for things like he puts like ankle weights on his wrists when he plays and tapes Up his fingertips and puts like shooting goggles on Meanwhile, I was like one of the greatest pool players that's ever lived Wow So he has all these like gadgets and shit He does but I do this impression to him play it for me because you got to hear him's talk for me Mr.. Earl Strickland ladies and that's my buddy Justin. How you doing tonight? Who was a beautiful game played by ugly people? Okay, first of all how are you gonna play pool if you're not properly equipped?

Where's your beekeepers outfit? You don't have no ass weights. I don't see you in waiters. What are you doing? You have goggles on? No. Then get the fuck off the table. This is... Wow, dude. Now, we gotta listen to the guy. Doesn't even sound like you. But listen to the guy. That's like, if that guy was famous, yeah, I could do like a whole tour as him. Oh my god. That's your next chapter, dude. I could do a tour of pool halls.

Oh my god. Meet and greets with that guy. But that's the only. I could do a tour of pool halls. Oh my God. Meet and greets with that. But that's the only one I could do that good. Well, here's the thing. Even that voice, I'm like, dude, that's a Kill Tony guy. You see that guy coming on? Right. This is him.

I'm in this every week. It was just the best players in the world playing. Bro, you nailed it. I know how to do his voice. Played by 10. That was the biggest thing. Oh, Joe. It was a beautiful game. Yeah, dude. It was played by a bunch of ugly people. Bro, you nailed it. I know how to do his voice Joe's a beautiful game played by a bunch of ugly people The stash bro, yeah, he's a wizard now is he is he so famous that like a bio pic is in the works if something I think they could do a biopic all right all strickland and I could play a real strickland

I can't play as good as a real strickland and not not not built like your old Strickland, and I could play Earl Strickland. I can't play as good as Earl Strickland and not built like Earl Strickland, but I could definitely do an Earl Strickland impression. Oh my God. That's awesome. He'd be so mad at me. So you met him, yeah? Yeah, I met him. He was happy when I met him.

I ran into him, and he was like, why are you picking on me? I'm a giant fan. It's the only way I could do an impression of you that good, because I'm a huge fan, and we became friendly. But then I tried to get him on the podcast,

and he doesn't want to come on. He's mad at me for something. Doing his voice? I keep fucking saying these videos. He did a podcast saying that he turned me down, that he didn't want to do my podcast. I'm like, okay, I'm only a fan. I'm only telling, I only joke it around

because I think you're awesome. Is Poole your, oh man, how do I ask this question? Not vice, number one hob, number one, I don't know I only joke it around because I think you're awesome is pool your Man, how do I ask this question not vice number one hop number one like if you had the ideal day Like a joint a show, you know, I may be post show for however long and you're hanging obviously I know you like your dinners and whatnot But like is pool your true like you're in your happy place then well, it's just a to me. It's like a game That's also a mind cleanser. So there's certain things. And the social aspect of it right? Yeah yeah yeah social aspect. Well if you're hanging around a pool hall for sure. Yeah. Also it's like pool players are also obsessed with it the way you're obsessed with it

so you could talk about stuff that you can't talk about with other people like tip millimeter sizes and carbon fiber shafts and shit. Nobody wants to talk about that. But the pool players can't wait to talk about it. So you're talking about these weird aspects of the very particular aspects of this game. But while you're doing it, when you're just trying to concentrate on running out, just trying to concentrate on putting that cue ball

perfect for the next ball, perfect for the next, you think of three balls ahead, you're plotting your lines and you're going, there's no room for anything else. There's no room for, oh, I forgot to call that guy back. Oh, I gotta do this. Oh, I gotta do that. Oh, I didn't do this today.

There's no room. While you're shooting, it's a mind cleanser. So all the things, should I do this, should I do that, all that goes away. And it just cleans your mind out because it requires all of you to make a hard, especially on tight pockets, a long shot on tight pockets, it requires all of you to make a hard shot, especially on tight pockets, a long shot on tight pockets. It requires all of you to stay in line,

have your stroking arm follow through smooth, have the proper grip on the cue where you're not gripping it too tight. You're cradling it like a little baby bird, like a little baby bird in your hand. And you're just letting that cue wait and the acceleration from your arm push through that ball and you want to watch that spin as it collides with the other ball and moves

perfectly to the next ball. That requires all of you. So while you're doing that, it cleans your head out. Dude, Strickland, you're just making me realize is like Bob Ross for pool. The way that you described all that, I was like, dude, that all made sense. you just basically broke down pool in the most beautiful way and it really is there's so much finesse there's so much like strategy there's so much there's athleticism involved. There's a little bit of body control I wouldn't call it athleticism but you have to have execution you have to be able to execute the shots and that requires like a finesse that's learned over thousands and thousands and thousands of shots.

I thought I was gonna be a pro pool player at one point. My mom was a single mom, four jobs, ran an assisted living homes, you know, activities. That was one of the jobs, like the bringing, you know, our school choirs and then just coming up with games for them. And so I'd go there for a lot of times after school and there was a guy that was like, I don't know, the fucking janitor. Who knows if this guy even worked there. But all of a sudden, I'd always be upstairs with him playing pool, and my sister. And he just was so good and would show us trick shots,

and I got so into it. It was one of those things you got so into for three, four years, and then, I don't know, girls. Yeah, but if you got someone who's good that showed you how to do it right, that's huge. I always think back, now not always but think back to like oh man, what if I like had Really made that a a thing cuz I I mean who knows where I was

But all I know is I was playing like anything as a kid, right? I was playing all the time To where I was like, oh man, what if that was like that would be crazy Yeah, I knew you from the pool That would be crazy. I know right. Yeah, then you probably would have had this thing in your head like I think I could do comedy Oh, yeah, I think I could do it You know that thing that you had in your head before you ever started doing it like that little voice It's like maybe you should do come that was me on the bus impersonating doing ace Ventura Scenes because I was a fat kid and then I was getting teased all the time.

Look at you handsome bastard. Fat kid into a glow up. I'm trying to take care of myself. You're like the guy in It 2. Remember the fat kid in It 2 comes back buff and handsome in It 2? You don't remember? I watched it the other day. In It 1, the chubby kid. Yes cut up by the bully Yeah, remember that yeah, then in it too now. He's a stud. He's got like a six-pack beautiful man like something happened Oh, yeah, we're so well up. Yeah, I Appreciate it. Yeah, it was I was getting teased all the time So it was fat kid and then I started making friends laugh and they were like, oh, you're the funny kid So now I was like, oh this is making them laugh, which feels good

And then it's also changing the way they're looking at me, which I felt like a crazy superpower. I mean, it was sixth grade and I was just, you know, I just was like, oh, I gotta chase this then. So then it was, you know, but I was doing it naturally. I wasn't going out of my way to do it. It just came, like I was, I'd watch Ace Ventura and then I was like, oh, I wanna, you know,

do that to a couple of friends on the bus. And now I'm like telling stories. And then I was like, oh, I wanna do that to a couple friends on the bus. And now I'm like telling stories. And then I would prank call Seattle sports radio stations and record it on like my first Sony and play it for friends on the bus. And they'd be like, just seeing them laugh was fun. Or prank call. One of the first things I did was there was a girl

in our class that everybody had a crush on. And me too, but she was like, you have bigger tits than me, why would I like you? And so I called my buddy who she ended up dating and pretend to be her as I called him with other friends kind of diabolical Jesus you can do an impression of her that's that good in fourth grade. Yeah, my voice Back then you were doing that. Yeah impersonating teachers and whatnot and then yeah, that's hilarious but then but the but the the chasing of it was which is why I was telling somebody this day or day Jim Carrey when he came through when he was scouting for I'm dying up here at the Comedy

Store and I had never met him and he's walking through and Adam he gets walking him through and you know that movie was so influential on me Jim Carrey in general but like how much I was like you know involving it in making people laugh he walks was it a movie or was it a television show Ace Ventura no no the the Comedy Store thing oh a television show on Showtime right yeah okay so he's coming through the back bar I think he was going to do roast battle and I'm saying the back bar or the main bar of the store and and he walks through and Adams like yeah Adam's Jim Carrey and I go, and Jim goes, okay man, and then keeps walking. I was like, and Rob the Park Center was like, dude you fucking, what was

that? And I was like, I couldn't, I don't know. And then I put it all together and I was like, oh dude, like I'm sure subconsciously in that moment I was like, oh dude, this guy, you know, whether it was all about it or not, like me just telling you all this stuff about the movie and influencing me and giving me the confidence to like want to try to make people laugh. He was your Jesus. Yeah, I mean in a weird way. You just met Jesus.

I mean, I think so, man. That's what it was. Put me on the track to trying to, and now that's my life? I don't know. Maybe I'm getting too heady about it. No, you're not getting too heady. No, I appreciate what you're saying. That's exactly what it is. He is the guy that started the spark, right?

He's the guy that inspired you. You're doing impressions of him getting laughs is what got you down the road. Yeah, so you meeting him was a freak out. He should be used to freak outs by now. Like you're fucking Jim Carrey, dude. But I bet he gets bugged out by people that don't act normal around him Sure, you know me he's probably so tired of it

Yeah, maybe appreciate that and then Adam later was like dude you fucking froze in front of Jim Carrey You saw Santino He'll be there in 30 years nice definitely not coming back as you fucking stared at him weird Shut up He'll be paying better in 30 years nice definitely not coming back as you fucking stared at him weird That's a perfect But you know those guys I think that being that famous for that long is like radiation poisoning I think so you know I think you have to have a very unique Constitution to live near Chernobyl. Oh, yeah, and I think that if a guy that's that famous for that long probably goes a little wild Yeah, and they also like became insane. I think when he was doing Andy Kaufman

He became whoa Andy Kaufman for like a year No, I need to be taking a pay like what if that happens with to me with this Phil thing no Yeah, I know I can separate you separate you you're talking to me before you went on stage yeah you imagine fuck if I was just like Joe you excited for tonight's show I understand yeah Phil what's up dude you that coat you were wearing that night where like you were I mean it was incredible dude and you look like with this your shades and that jacket where I just wanted to be ridiculous because we're at Madison Square Garden I love it, dude. Yeah, you were adding to the show. Yeah, it was just to me. It felt like this is so big I should dress preposterous. I feel preposterous last where you get a jacket like that Northstrom's. Let's go shout out to Northstrom's

Yeah, I got a it's a it's not no animals died in the making of that jacket. Couple muppets maybe. A few seals probably choked to death on the oil that spilled out. Yeah I mean is that even eco-friendly when people have like fake fur? I guess they think that it causes less death but I wonder if overall it does. I wonder if like what is the amount of life lost through the petrochemical production of nylon versus beaver trapping? How many things get live lives get lost because of the actual production of fake leathers and plastics and chemicals? How many, how many things go into the ocean? How many things die because they get poisoned

by the runoff? Where are these things made? Let's ask Siri. Where is this stuff made? Is this stuff made in some third world country that doesn't have any environmental regulations and they're just dumping this waste into the river which we know has happened?

Is it like, but you feel better Because you're wearing a fake fur? Like, I'm not sure. I know. I'm not sure. Fuck. I think we might be better off just using real fur. Maybe. I bet we are.

Yeah, but it's just cruel. The idea of killing an animal just for its skin is just cruel. Pretty wild. Yeah, it's wild, but I mean, we kill them for food. It's weird, but like, there's places that are fur free zones now, okay, right like states like places You can't sell furs. I bet you could still wear them. It is America. Yeah, but here's the thing you can't sell fur I think you can't sell fur in parts of Los Angeles See if that's true sounds about right. I think they put a ban on selling fur

But you can still sell leather. Do you know how fucking insane you are? When you have animal skin on almost everything. You have animal skin on the inside of your car. You have animal skin on your shoes. You have animal skin on your belt. You have animal skin on your wallet. You have animal skin everywhere.

If it's better, it's leather upholstered. Look, look at this beautiful leather upholstery. It's better, it's leather upholstered. Look, look at this beautiful leather upholstery. It's better if it has leather. So you have animal skin everywhere, as long as there's no fuzz on it. Fur sales are illegal in California. In 2019, the state of California became the first state to ban fur. States Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law AB 44, which bans the sales and manufacturing of new clothing

and accessories made from fur. I get it, I get people wanting to be kind and not kill an animal for its fur. I totally understand where you're coming from. But it is a little weird that we're okay with leather. It's a little weird and don't ban leather, with leather. Yeah. It's a little weird. Yeah. And don't ban leather, you motherfuckers.

That's not my point. My point is shut the fuck up and let people do whatever they want to do. Like, I don't think you should ban furs. I don't want one. I'd rather have a fake one, you know. What do you think about the tech? Because I feel bad. Yeah.

But I mean, but I get it. If I was living in a place where they couldn't, like, where did it all come from, right? It came from, that was the only way to stay alive. People wore big ass fur coats because it protects you. They don't wear fur coat, the Inuits don't wear fur coats because it looks cool. They want to stay alive. Yeah, it's warmth. Yeah, that's all it is. It's the best way to stay alive, especially when you're getting it from these animals that you're killing. Yeah. Like that's literally how you get your clothes and your food. It's all it is. It's the best way to stay alive, especially when you're getting it from these animals that you're killing. Yeah. Like that's literally how you get your clothes and your food. It's from these animals. That's the origin of it all. Now it's like a weird thing.

Because you're wearing it to show everyone you're a baller. You're coming in a full length mink coat. What's up, player? Like my ostrich hat? Yeah, you just, you have feathers on your cap from some exotic bird that had lost its fucking life so you can look a pimp and you just just to go to the Clippers game in style wearing gold all over your alligator pussy rings diamonds carved out of the ground by child labor You know and you just glittering and shining you have to you have to walk in like that by the way Yeah, if you got a fur coat on you have to walk in like this

Even though the coats doing the talking for you,. My friend Bill had one I put one on once I was like oh my god this thing's amazing. We were in Aspen and he had a mink coat. I go what is that? What is that coat? Let me try that on. I put it on I was like oh my god. Wow. This is amazing. Yeah. It insulates you so perfectly. It's like. Pimp's made mink coats popular? Is that. I don't know who made me calls popular, but they're popular with rich ladies rich ladies Yeah, it's rich ladies And then it's like I think pimps caught on like because it wasn't when a lot of Joe name it didn't Joe don't name it Like famously where that coat yes, yeah It looks yeah, but back then people didn't think twice because everybody's just trying to stay alive They were just trying to not starve to death right? Because everybody's just trying to stay alive. They were just trying to not starve to death, right? And once things get soft and sweet and people who started doing way better, yeah, you know in society, you know It's like you don't have to worry about starving and death. I was like, hey, why are we killing these little animals for their?

Yeah, let them live. Yeah family What do you think about the taxidermy stuff like the full-on people that have like rooms with just I don't creature on creature Do that with animals I hunt because I like what's called a European mount and a European mount is the skull with the antlers on it. Just the actual skull. I know what it looked like. I don't want a fake representation of it on my wall. It's basically a doll. First of all, the people that do it are amazing and the art of it is pretty incredible. Because it is an art form. What you're doing is you're using this mold, right? So you have a mold that's roughly the size of the torso of the animal you killed. They have a photograph of the animal that you killed. And then they take the skin from the animal that you killed and mold it around this foam and do it so perfectly that it looks just like the animal. They put fake eyes and they do it all up

and it's got the antlers from the actual animal on it. And they've made a fake version of this animal that you killed. I get it, I get it, but it's not for me. Also, I don't know, I feel like I would get pretty baked in my own house and have some late night freak outs at some of these things that looked super, well a buddy of mine has a full house of him.

He's, his name's Doug, he lives in Jersey, and but he's into it for the, yeah, the artistic, like he says it's beautiful, it's got this big, Jimmy, you don't have that thing I was gonna show Joe, do you, the little trailer? So Joe, I made this doc called Doug about my friend who was a lifeguard when he was 21 in the 70s, jumped into a pool in Jersey to save a kid who was faking drowning.

And he ended up being paralyzed from the neck down. And his brother, Brian, who was an accountant, quit doing that to save his brother mentally, physically, who was in the hospital, wanted to die, was like, leave me in the pool. I don't want to live like this. He was a college football star, you know, going to be a lawyer. Brian not only gets him physically fit and mentally stable, you know,

to a place to where he wants to live, gets him so strong that he enters the Paralympics, ends up becoming the world champ, setting all the world records, gets on the cover of a Wheaties box, travels the world with Michael Jordan, Joe Montana, Bo Jackson, speaking to people all over the world, becomes a criminal lawyer,

helps get the Disability Act going. And so I meet Brian, who's now a physical therapist to the stars in New York, and he goes, he's telling me about his brother. He's like, dude, you gotta meet my brother, Doug. This guy's a fucking, he's incredible. Come to New Jersey and meet my brother. You can hear him, it's good as your Strickland impression.

And so I go to Jersey and I see his place. He shows me all these pictures and videos of him with the Pope and Christopher Reeve and Regis and Kathie Lee and I'm like, holy shit. Is this talking already? Yeah, it's on YouTube and I just it's a one minute trailer Let's see the trailer. Yeah, let's see the trailer. Thanks, brother So I direct it as the first time. The Doug Air story from the Wheaties cereal box to the electives It was 1978 when Doug Air as a lifeguard dove into a pool to save a drowning boy. When I dove in, the stand kicked back,

and my head hit the bottom of the pool. There's no point. I don't feel my legs. I don't feel anything. I'm screaming to the guards, Come on, come on! My life, it, like, ended and began right at that moment. My brother, he goes, You're not gonna get scorned your arms.

He would duct tape one pound wrist weights to my hand. They told me about wheelchair sports. He goes out in the field, breaks the first world record, breaks the second world record, breaks the third. Jaffa, Shopping District, dug in. We never thought we'd see that, never. And then I got a phone call. Soon, his picture will be pasted on three million boxes of the stuff.

You see my brother on the face of a weed butt? So cool! Where's it go from there, you know? Fall down, get dirty in life, and get back up again. And that's the journey. And you can't beat the parking, just remember that. Dude, that's badass. Crazy story. That's a crazy story. So I went out there and I was like, I at least got to film the interviews and their mom just passed with Brian Doug and because the story of the brother, you know, just being there for

Doug is wild and inspiring and I don't know, you know, having that amount of pictures and video to accompany any doc I feel like is pretty imperative and it was overwhelming. So I was like, I'm going to come out at least interview you guys and then took a couple years to put it all together. But some of my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash Adam Ray comedy, I tried to pitch it a few places, didn't really have enough juice. And then I was like, I'm just going to put it up because I want them to, it should be out there.

A movie on that story. I mean, it's wild, Joe. I mean, I'll text you a link it's only 50 minutes so that you've never done did a documentary or anything like this before first one directed yeah that's crazy so you just got inspired because this guy's story to put one thousand percent I was like I can't believe that that your story is not more I go I'm like how the fuck have I not heard about this and you know I've talked a few people since we've been like Oh, I remember seeing some on the news about this yeah fucking a quick news a ten-second whatever but like And Brian's such a character the brother. That's who I was doing the voice of that's a great impression

It might be better than my Easy, but but Brian now is that's his life now, so that's also crazy He dedicated his life to helping his brother and now he is to the stars in New York and whoever else I mean he'll be on a I flew him to Vegas once when I had a major back thing and three days of Aggressive stretching and fucking fix me and on the plane is like there's a woman next to me Her shoulder was fucking the fucked up life. It's a shoulder She was able to do that for fucking 40 years now She can and he kept telling me about Doug

And I was like what did he do to her shoulder that letter? I don't know just fucking licked it I know he just he did a little I don't know at least some guy He's you know he's there's a name for the type of physical therapist he is but he says that it's in case people don't understand but he's a wizard man, and he Yeah, so I just got I was like I need to do he like do raw things, is it that kind of stuff? What's that? That's that really painful kind of soft tissue manipulation. You ever had it done?

No. It's brutal, man. Oh really? I mean, it does, it's, it's, that's why I say aggressive stretching. It's really, but, but he just, a lot of unlocking things, a lot of, but there's days when I've seen him, I stuck around New York an extra day to get worked on.

And you know, I get just from flying and carrying a lot of shit here, my qu when I've seen him, I stuck around New York an extra day to get worked on and you know, I get just from flying and carrying a lot of shit here, my quads get real tight all the time and so, you know, I'm just not stretching enough which I know I got to, but you know, he's like, I could use two more days with you to like really get you, you know. Loosen you up.

Yeah. Yeah, I've been doing a lot of stretching lately because I had done a lot of like get especially getting ready for the special I was working out a lot also to calm my mind Yeah, and I might have overdid it a little bit and then I just was sore man My back was sore you feel on stage as you were moving around and then in I decided on Saturday. No not on stage just Mostly like when I wake up in the morning. morning, I'm going a little too hard here. But what it really was, I wasn't stretching enough.

And everything was just tight because I was doing a lot of kettlebell shit and it was just tight. And I spent like two and a half hours on Saturday just stretching in my hotel room, just stretching. That's all I did. I just watched some YouTube videos and stretched, and I felt 100% better. And I was like, oh, you fucking idiot,

you should be doing this all the time. I need to do long stretch sessions like that all the time. That's patience, man, two and a half hours? Yeah, just watch YouTube, just put your phone down and watch some fucking documentary. You have no excuse to not, I know. I tell my sister that now too when she's like, I need to find more time to exercise and this and that.

I'm like, dude, you watch shows already after work. Just for even 20 minutes, walk around and just space out. Well, it's also if you wanna exercise, get on some kind of a cardio machine and watch a movie on an iPad. It's a cheat code. Yeah. It's how I watch anything is on the iPad. It's a cheat code. It's a cheat code. It's how I watch anything is on the bike.

But it's the best way to distract yourself from the fact that you're exhausted. Totally. If you watch a good movie with headphones on and an iPad on a stationary bike, Oh yeah. Yeah. You can enjoy the movie.

You actually can enjoy the movie and actually put in some serious cardio and you'll be distracted. So you won't be thinking about the fact you're exhausted on the bike. You'll be thinking about, oh my God, don't go in the basement. Yeah.

I can't fucking believe this. This fucking movie's insane. Especially a good thriller. Oh yeah, that keeps you engaged. What's your go-to workout movie? Or can can you not watch are you rewatch her? Yes John wick John wicks the greatest ever workout movie. Whoa ever. Yeah Yeah, I Have a confession haven't seen it. Oh my god. It's like let's watch it saying she hasn't seen put it up, Jamie

No, it's like a girl saying she hasn't seen Barbie really right. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's the most insanely Movie of all time. It's it's so on it right? Yeah, it's so Keanu. It's so ridiculous. They've made 15 They need four of them. Yeah, I think four right? Yeah, I remember hearing this last one It was the talk of the town people were like it's a fun movie Yeah, but it's a really good movie to work out to because it's just so crazy cool because like so many people are getting killed You just like oh, yeah You get in those extra reps watching people engage get fired or a little combat yeah wow yeah It's a crazy movie Mortal Kombat remember when that became a game remember

I know when that was dude that I understood why my mom was like you can't play video games because I remember sitting downstairs I had my bar mitzvah. She goes, I'm not buying you a video game system, but you can use some of your Jew money to buy. She didn't say that. She goes, she can buy some of your... She can buy... What else she did? She goes, you can use some of your money from gifts to buy. And so I bought a Super Nintendo and then more. And then I got, I think a Sega and then Mortal...

Or my buddy had a Sega and we played Mortal Kombat. And I remember just being like like what is happening right now We went from Street Fighter, which is you know throwing you know, Harukas and whatnot and then just ripping a guy's cock off. Yeah Yeah, you could kill people Yeah, you pull their fucking skull out with their spine attached to it pretty cool And then just go have a fucking crustable right after and it's very addictive. All those games are very good. We've ever a gamer Yeah, yeah, what was your quake, but it's just because they're fun. Yeah, it's like they're not addictive because they suck. They're awesome Yeah, they're just too awesome. Yeah, like playing quake is too awesome. It's crazy fast-paced. You're shooting rockets of people They're electrocuting you to death. Yeah, it's nuts

Yeah, you know and it's it's such an adrenaline rush that you just don't want to stop You just want to go to the next game. Oh, yeah, next game. Keep playing. Keep playing next thing You know, you're exhausted. You're dehydrated. You haven't any food. Oh, yeah eight hours. Oh, yeah, what's wrong with you? I only have to go to bed Why am I still awake? Yeah, this is crazy. I've only played Halo a handful of times my younger brother is pretty obsessed But he's really good and I played it online and I was real high So I started to kind of get emotionally invested to where like I'd see guys getting shot

I was like fuck I can't you know my heart was beating so fast. It was too much I probably if I was sober I would have been less You lost a comrade, you felt real connected to it I did, I was well fucked up Well they have virtual reality ones now my friend Matt Sarah He plays these virtual reality with the guys which the one that Matt plays What is that the game he plays that is? Population one so it's a VR shooter. Yeah, so he's running around with VR goggles on so he really feels like he's in the game

He's like get down They're shooting at each other and shit. It's nuts. Oh my god. He's good goggles on he's like in his fucking house Move it around that security so you feel like you're in a war Yeah, like you're you're so immersed in it this this video game is now a whole next level experience Yeah, it's just in front of the computer is pretty involving Yeah, you get the headphones on especially with these computer games now have 3D sounds. You hear sound coming from there, you know, the guys over there, ah! You know, you run towards them.

You smack your wife, yeah. I mean, yeah, it's, that's- That's another thing about these goddamn games. You could beat the shit out of people. Like, there's a lot of, like, what is it, Red Dead? Red Dead Redemption, right? Yeah, where you, like, take someone and fucking tie a noose to their neck and drag them behind your horse. Like, you could do wild shit. You could drown a prostitute in the river. Yeah, you do wild shit and people like hey

Maybe you shouldn't be able to do this fucking game This is a little crazy seven-year-old shouldn't be able to see that that's possible Yeah, it shouldn't be able to beat a prostitute dead with a shovel. Yeah, like what are you doing? Maybe a super soaker just hit her in the face or something. Yeah something lighter Well, it's just the whole game is chaos You know, it's like you but you you could do chaos to anybody just like Grand Theft Auto You could do chaos to anybody, you know first time playing that though and driving down Sunset and seeing like the Comedy Store was Pretty cool. I think Grand Theft Auto

I think I've read this they were comparing the amount of money that Grand Theft Auto has generated versus like almost any other Like movie game like I believe it Harrison how it does to like big Hollywood blockbusters like how much money has Grand Theft Auto generated With that it's got to be one of the most popular games of that time. A thousand percent. That may be... It's about stealing cars. Over 8.5 billion dollars. Yo! Good call, dude. We'll be right back.

That's a fucking holy shit, dude. That's so much money. Joe, that's wild. Thanks for pulling that setup. Now do you think you deserve that amount of money? What have you done other than show teenagers it's possible to beat steel and Rob from a hooker hold that thought will be real big

Do you remember the guy who used to run bum fights? Yes, he came on dr. Phil as dr. Phil and shaved his head the top of his head Joe That's what we could do you want to come on the dr. Phil I showed me that guy All we gotta do is throw a stash on you that guy He fucking Phil goes. What are you doing? And he goes what what he goes. What are you doing? What are you doing? And he's like I'm doing I'm doing what you're telling me. I'm exploiting people I make these it I don't like it get out of here. Yeah, get out of here. There's Robin Dude just kicked him off his set, but it was weird, right? Like you knew that's what he did.

Of course. And you invited him on the show. Yeah. He probably just didn't like that path of the argument. That path is a legitimate path. Do you think he knew, maybe he didn't know he was gonna get in a full makeup. Cause I'm sure Phil's not visiting the guest, right?

Listen, this is not a surprise. If you think I exploit people, the guests right bliss this is not a surprise if you think i exploit people every time you bring a guest on the show you exploit them and spread whatever problems they have to the whole world you think that's helpful keep telling yourself that you know we think you are, huh? Hi, come on. Huh? No, I'm not finished talking to you.

Yeah, you are. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are. Yeah, you're done. Don't even grab a complimentary Dr. Phil hat. Just go. I hate me right now. I mean, this guy. Yeah? The thing about that guy though is that guy, that bum fights thing was crazy. It was why I paid people to pull their teeth out Yeah, there's some awful awful shit. Yeah, you want to talk about using YouTube for the wrong reason well It wasn't YouTube it wasn't no these were

Cassettes there's like VHS's maybe my first taste of bum when did when did what was bum fights originally released on I don't believe it Was YouTube I think it Was pre YouTube 22 bucks apiece so bum so people were either Was bum fights for people that couldn't get girls gone wild what? Like cuz those were both probably probably off basically what bum fights was was a lot of shit that you see already on the internet You see how many? Bum fights have you actually seen on the internet. You see, how many bum fights have you actually seen

on the internet? I've seen so many guys that are like on heroin fist fight in the streets of Los Angeles. Like this is a shit load of videos of bums duking it out. Their pants fall down, guy gets kicked in the head, knocked unconscious. There's a lot of that that you can find. I get sent it all the time by Tom Segura.

Yeah, he sends me. Yeah, he sends you. Just footage of no the Instagram reals Oh, yeah Like terrible things that you can see people just doing to each other all over there So the thing is like this guy made a living off of it though, and he was like selling these DVDs I think we didn't want to admit that people want to see that just like we don't want to admit people want to drown hookers And read that redemption, but they do they do they do want to see that, just like we don't want to admit people want to drown hookers in Red Dead Redemption, but they do. They do. They do want to see that. If you let people slap each other in the face on television people will tune in.

Oh, yeah. If you let people dress up like fucking medieval knights and sword fight, people will watch. Yeah, that is 100% a fact. Yeah. And back then we didn't want to believe that. And there was no internet. So we didn't we didn't that. And there was no internet. So we didn't really understand our nature until the internet came along. Dude, think about two girls, one cup. Think about porn, okay?

Think about the amount of porn that gets digested by the average American male versus that of 1950. Oh God. There's a huge difference. Guys were jerking off to underwear ads. Okay. Guys were starving for things to jerk off to. Now that's weird. Yeah, they were jerking off to memory. They didn't even, they had no idea. We had a lot of solid imaginations probably in the 50s, 60s and 70s. That's all you needed back then. It's a good, good idea in your head. That's all you had. That's all you had. And then now everyone has a phone and

anyone's phone can connect to a plethora of porn sites. I had a guy on my flight about three months ago, no joke, porn on the phone, no headphones. Jesus. Yeah, I heard like, oh fuck my butt, fuck my butt. Oh my god. And then was just kind of, and then saw the people kinda like turning, no one wanted to citizens arrest this guy, so everyone was kinda like. He probably was doing it to make people uncomfortable. For sure. Yeah.

Cause what is the law? And it was wild, I mean I was two rows behind him. Are you allowed to do that? Like what's the law? I think it's probably illegal, but. Right, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Like you shouldn't be looking at his,

but if you can hear it. Yeah. Like what is the law, right? Cause I feel like, what if you shouldn't be looking at his but if he if you can hear it Yeah, like what is the law right? Yeah, like what if you're playing a podcast? That's offensive What if you're playing a podcast on your phone that makes me upset and but you're playing it. I have to let's do it I'm getting upset. What is the law on that? Right? I feel like you're allowed to do that, right? So if you're allowed to say like fuck that guy and fuck this but you can't say fuck my butt It gets a little weird, my butt it gets a little weird Right, it gets a little weird. Yeah, it's his phone Why are you why are you even looking at what's on his phone? You shouldn't be a fucking two rows back

Put your headphones on how about stop paying attention to his phone, but also Why does he have porn on his phone and it's loud, right? Like I don't think is it a public is almost like urinating in public decency thing like you can't It's just like that according to the law that I'm looking up You can't pee in public or watch someone talk about peeing right, but can you listen? That's what I'm saying like what is the law in like because are you a peeping Tom if you're listening? Yeah, defendant convicted of watching porn and parking lot fails and constitutional challenge to public obscenity law watching pornography in public in public serves no legitimate purposes unless you want to

Jizz like a racehorse you're trying to get first class to turn things up and on doing so with one's window down and at a Restaurant's busy parking lot and full view of families recklessly exposed pornography to young children. Oh, well, this is a little different This is like a business and he got in there with his window rolled down and he's beaten off He might be a little bit of a freak But it depends on like was he in the corner of the parking lot away from everybody. Yeah, I think was he by himself He's like I just got to rub this out. I gotta make a decision right now. I'm real confused You know could have been like a mental health totally thing. Yeah, like I'm losing my mind here I think says the public libraries can't block porn and it's not illegal to watch

No way what this says that's crazy. Look at libraries staying cool and hip if that's true How many people jerking off in San Francisco in a library right now? Oh, I don't know a thousand percent of the people attending the library Hundreds. Yeah, I would certainly recommend against doing this one lawyer says But he said Missouri was scroll back up Yeah, it said under Missouri statutes depending on the exact circumstances the prosecutor could file at least two different charges But this is Missouri every state's different with that too right but didn't wasn't the article about San Francisco or any public library? Yeah, this is just public. Oh, it's any public. Oh my god Anywhere I almost got arrested for taking photos mooning a camera when we were like 21 or something like that No, that's how crazy San Francisco is. I he didn't say San Francisco. I assumed Wow

I just assumed good right you we didn't even bring I in my hand like the has to be That's so crazy. That's how crazy San Francisco's gotten where a story comes up and it's almost like what the Bernstein Bears What's that called? Yeah that thing when you? Mandela fact yeah at the Bernstein bear effect. Yeah, well, it's the Mandela I guess people thought the Mandela died in jail, right? He didn't right and so there's this thing like people have like a whole narrative in their head. It's like a glitch in the Matrix type thing. I think that might apply to this, because it's like instantly I was like,

oh, what happened in San Francisco? I would have told the story. In my head, I would have gone on, did you hear what happened in San Francisco? You can watch pornography in the fucking library. Meanwhile, it's every library. Wow. Every library. That's, that's. Is that one person making that? The guy in the parking lot was in New Jersey. Of. Every library. That's, that's. Is that one person making that? The guy in the parking lot was in New Jersey, specifically.

Of course he is. You saw the thing. Yeah. Duh. If you had to guess, what state's gonna produce the most parking lot jerkers in New Jersey's on the top of the list. Hear that story about the guy.

It was maybe a few years ago. It might actually have been during COVID when everyone was doing big work zooms. And the guy thought he turned. They were doing what? Work zooms, I'm sorry. Work zooms and the guy thought we were doing what work zooms I'm sorry. Yeah, and he Stayed on he didn't turn his computer sound off It was one of those things where you log on for the zoom, you know

The boss like all right guys everyone's here blah blah, and then you can just turn your screen off But he didn't turn his off. Dude one guy just started. Yeah fucking hundreds of guys got caught I have a bit about it hundreds of guys got caught doing that There was a there was a Jeffrey Toobin guy the CNN guy. Yeah, that's I guess a bit about it hundreds of guys got caught doing that There was there was that Jeffrey tubing guy the CNN guy. Yeah, that's I guess a famous. Yeah, but it was like that's a wrap Right guys, you're fired. He's back Wow the tubing guys back But let's say it was like a Jamba Juice conference and you're on zoom and you get likely it's a rap It's a rap, but if you're a rapper no big deal at all. No, I didn't know the cameras on sorry. Sorry Yeah, sorry. Welcome, yeah. Also, you're welcome

for getting to see some beautiful... I don't think no one tells you you're welcome if you're getting caught doing that. But it's one of those things where it's just like... Here's an article from the UK where it says it's debatable whether porn use... It's even illegal. It should be. The best hope for prosecution currently looks to be an offense against public decency, but what an archaic notion that sounds now. Isn't that weird? When was this written? If the government wants to retrieve any credibility from this debacle, it could order a legal

review. Can old laws be repurposed or is new legislation required? That's interesting because like when all these laws are put in place, they probably never anticipated porn on the internet No, especially the way it is now point, you know, we're talking about businesses that never got bailed out That's this is what imagine if I told you there was a business and this business Is going to eat up about 30 plus percent of all the internet traffic and this business is used by some ungodly percentage of men way more than it takes to elect a

president right was take to elect a president you know 51% way more than 51% guys have used pornography but yet when that business stopped making money because DVD sales went away nobody talked about a bailout of porn just shut the fuck up yeah bail out banks or bail out this business and that business and you know too big to fail But not the porn business everybody's like I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't is it still real I don't even know they were making porn anymore. I mean I don't even watch it. Did you see the Ashley Madison duck? What is that Ashley Madison was I was at the dating site site? Yeah, the site where people could have affairs. Oh, that's right. Go it as a wild...

Oh, they got doxed, right? Didn't something happen? Yeah, they got hacked. Yeah. And so basically, people signed up to have... Wild folk. Just a whole website full of wild folk. Oh, man.

Just a bunch of risk takers. Just a bunch of people. Just a lot of people doubling down. Yeah, running away from their husbands. Hit me on 20s. Two of them. Yeah. And then they got a bunch of people.

Yeah. And then they got a bunch of people. Yeah. And then they got a bunch of people. Yeah. And then. Just a bunch of risk takers. Just a bunch of people. Just a lot of people doubling down. Yeah running away from their husband. Hit me on 20s. Yeah two o'clock in the afternoon. Yeah. Fucking wild. Meet me at the subway. Yeah next to the KFC. Let's get wild. Wear that Mike Pence mask. It was uh. Maybe that guy was in the parking lot getting ready for one of that. It was wild dude. Warming up. Yeah. And then they interviewed a couple couples that were all about, that were doing it together.

Oh Jesus. That were just like, that were just. Swingers? Yeah. Swingers are weird. They're like, they have a missing fuse. It's like there's something in them that's like, it's different.

I met a few swingers through Brad Williams. Of course. Cause swingers and little people know each other. Oh really? There's a direct, yeah. There's a. Interesting. Yeah, they got the same- Agents?

Yeah. Yeah. They just so, I met my first through Brad, porn stars, swingers, and other little people through Brad, and comedians. But these swingers were wild, dude. I never, I mean I'm coming from small town, North Seattle, and like, I didn't even know,

it's not something I just, is in my zeitgeistgeist I never met and so just talking to them so normally was just wild you know I'm saying it was I did these gigs and I can't remember what state it was somewhere in the south it might have been Nashville so I did this gig with Ari and we had this guy drive us from the club he picks us up at the hotel or at the airport takes us to the hotel and then he's driving us to the club, he picks us up at the airport, takes us to the hotel, and then he's driving us to the gig, and everything's normal. And then eventually at the end of the weekend, he's driving us to the airport. And when the guy's driving us to the airport, he opens up about his swinger life, like out

of nowhere. He's like, you guys ever swing? You know, we have a swinging club in town. And we're like swing like what do you mean he's like you know like we wife swap and and the like he goes yeah I've been doing it for a while I do you like swinging he goes oh yeah I love it yeah we swing you know my wife fucks with it I get I get to decide though you know like if he's too good-looking or he's too buff I get to decide that I

don't like that guy he she can't fuck that guy and we they make like decisions like that Oh my god, and this guy just opened up to us out of nowhere. What preceded that conversation? Like fucking zero today, huh? Swinging you guys like swinging like what out of nowhere this dude just chatting it up about the guys He lets his wife fuck. It was crazy That's wild, but he was one of them dudes that like had a ponytail But it was also bald like the whole thing was a mess. Of course. He was a chaos He was a human just example. If you bring up swinging unprovoked you have a ponytail

He was a bizarre character But it was just I've only met a few groups of people that are like really into that and one of them was in I was doing the improv in Tampa and This is that once fun gig. Yeah fun gig and then this Foursome of people were like we're swingers. You should come we have a swinger convention like get the fuck They look like people that would be swingers, You know, just like, just a mess, just a mess. Tampa is the swinger capital of the US. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That's it. No joke, I had a guy come up to me and proposition me in Kansas City to, this is the one I was featuring for Harland at the Kansas City Improv. And he goes, man, it's funny, he's like, you know, you're gonna be my wife, if you guys are doing it, you're gonna fuck my wife.

And I was like, whoa, had it ever been proposed like that. Then she comes over, what are you guys talking about? I go, oh, he's trying to say, wants us to do something, and he, whatever. She goes, what the fuck? Had no clue that that was even, I was like, oh, he said, and then it was just super weird. She's like, Darrell, what the fuck?

Why would you, like, I'm crazy, but what the, I would never do that. And I'm like, oh, this guy must just be going around doing that. Just- Oh, that's his thrill. He wants someone to fuck his wife. Or maybe he wanted me to say yeah, and then like-

Beat you up? Yeah. Could be, could be a trap. It was fucking wild, because I- Could be setting a trap. Yeah. Who knows, who knows, but it's just, that's a weird culture.

But, you know, whatever, not hurting anybody exactly go fuck each other Yeah, enjoy have clubs where they go and they're like there's like a guys wide show. So people yeah fucking each other One of my friends maybe it was Callan Told me he got a little bang bang party It's like in the 90s or something like that Of course It was told me that he went to one of those, and walked in and people were fucking all over the place. Those are things where you drop your keys in the bowl

or you put your phone, right? No, that's like a party that they would throw all their keys in the bowl and then the guy would reach in and pull out one of the women's keys, the woman would reach in and pull out one of the guy's keys, and you figured out who you're going home with. Wow. Yeah, and they'd just swap, swap wives.

Dude, I mean then that became a show Yeah, is that wife swap? Yeah, yeah, of course it was I wonder if it's real though You know those shows they fuck around a lot with those shows. They manipulate reality. I remembered and found this recently It's a commercial from Ohio where I'm from Sun bubble hot tub hot tub place. Oh, bro. Oh red private room I love you for pulling this up. We had one in Seattle called tubs Oh, bro. We have a private room. I love you for pulling this up. We had one in Seattle called tubs Bring your kids right? Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean kids are swimming in fucking big Drops soup in there 20 bucks an hour or something wild. Oh, that's crazy, but that's like couples that that's a very different Bro, we had a place like this. We had tubs in near a comic book near giggles

You've played giggles in Seattle as a for why first no I never did giggles in Seattle did giggles in Saugus Massachusetts okay cool it was the one comedy club I guess in the 90s that that was thriving and near the University of Washington and they have place called tubs there but we also have a place called tub subs a sandwich place so that's all I know about I'm a little fat kid thinking about sandwiches and my friends that were leaving soccer practice I'd scored on my own team that was he called me a fucking idiot that was a wrap for me in soccer and so we're driving by and he's like and I see tubs

I'm like oh tubs I'm like we should stop and get some food you know we just lost a score to my own team some sandwiches sounds good and he's like oh that's not they don't do sandwiches there it was just the same name and I was like oh what happens there is like people rent rent hot tubs and they go in there and just kind of hang out I was like I oh whatever's there is like, people rent hot tubs and they go in there and just kind of hang out. I was like, I had no clue. I said, what do you mean hang out? I said, well they go in there, you meet somebody,

you bring them in, you have some fun, no clue. And then like 10 years later I'm like, oh people were just going there just to fuck, like you said. In a hot tub. Yeah. It's probably better than a hotel room. For sure.

And it's a hot tub, who doesn't love a hot tub? Yeah, people just want to go and bang it out. Or maybe on a date and you get a wild hair and you wanna go to a hot tub room. How do you feel? Woo! Dude. Let's go.

How do you feel about hotel hot tubs? When you were on the road. Yeah, thank you. What are the odds that that's clean? That's dangerous. I know, dude. That's literally. You know a guy got Legion Neers disease

from a hot tub in LA? What is that disease? Oh, it's like a disease that's like archaic. It's like one of those old world diseases It's not supposed to be around anymore and this guy got a public in hot tub Okay, find see if you can find that article. I'm pretty sure it was California that it happened Yeah, they never clean my memories a little foggy on where it was I feel like it's but maybe I'm thinking everything craziness in California today You know I assume that other story was from San Francisco

Yeah, but this guy he got in a stanky ass hot tub, and he got Legionnaires disease and fucking died You can die for he died. Yeah, he died Do you have it because if you not I saved the article? Yeah Man, I definitely saved it on my phone because I was like this is the craziest fuck. It's going to relax I definitely saved it on my phone because I was like this is the craziest fucking story. Just going to relax? So, this is in 2023. California's spa is believed to be the source of an outbreak of Legionnaires disease. Oh God. That caused the illness of multiple people and the deaths of two.

Contra Costa Health announced Monday it has been investigating Zen Day Spa in Contra Costa, California since August. How about you step in? How about don't investigate? Just fuckin' test the water. That's so crazy. One dead 11 sick in the Legionnaires disease outbreak in Napa. Oh my God.

It's a hot tub disease. Yeah, that's gotta be a ref. Man who died of Legionnaires disease from Bay Area Spa was celebrating his birthday. Oh God, dude. A hot tub birthday gone wrong. It's your birthday I want to take you to the hot tub. He had a Groupon. Oh my god. So do all the other people that jizzed in that pond. That's what's so disgusting it's probably just a combination of jizz meets shit and it just becomes this monster virus that kills people that are trying to

celebrate their birthday. What the fuck? Yeah, bring your kids. Bring your kids to the spa. Catch Legionnaires disease. What is that? What is? They don't have a health permit. Oh, why should they?

It's only a spa where you're naked. It's wild. A tub of water. Why would they have a health permit? Why would they even check? Yeah, a hot tub is a wild invention. I mean, even a public hot tub is just such a wild idea. Like what are you doing? Water that gets hot like that is so perfect for bacteria

Yeah, it's so wonderful if you don't have the right amount of poison in there, which is what it is When you pour in chlorine in there, you just yeah everything that's alive Oh, wow, it's a severe form of pneumonia lung inflammation usually caused by infection It's caused by a bacterium known as Legionnaire. Why did they name it Legionnaires disease? Let's Google that because it sounds like some shit that happened in the old world. It does. There's a bunch of diseases that are starting to emerge in the homeless community in Los Angeles that are ancient diseases. No shit from what? They got typhus just from being disgusting.

The American Legion State Convention in Philadelphia. What? Okay, it's commonly known as legionellosis, which is a generic term for a respiratory infection caused by the legionella bacteria. This disease is named after a deadly outbreak of pneumonia in 1976 that occurred during people attending the American Legion's state convention in Philadelphia. Legionella sounds like Coachella for people that have swallowed a lot of hot tub cum.

So that's why they named it Legionnaire's disease? Because it happened during that, that was the outbreak? Oh man. Wow. Yeah, no thanks. Because it happened during that that was the outbreak. Oh man Wow, yeah, no, thanks. What is the American Legion? What's that? What's the convention of the American Legion? Do you know what that is led to the name of the Legionnaires disease? No clue. What is the American Legion? veterans association Wartime veterans. Oh my god, and it advocating war veterans and they die

From a fucking disease that and then they name it after the Legion Wow, which is like really bad for business Really bad for business. Yeah, I should have done that to them. Don't call it Legionnaires disease. Don't name it after us you fucking assholes Call it some fucking weird Latin name and come up with some spooky monkey pox type definition don't call it don't name it after us imagine somebody caught pneumonia and they called it mothershipitis and they got mother people dying from mothershipitis like hey you fuck yeah he'd be pissed don't do that it just happened to be there it's not the Legionnaires it's not the Legion Center that was the problem they didn't do anything anything wrong. No. But they probably had some dudes that were coming back from Thailand.

You know what I'm saying? 1,000%. You know what I'm saying? Where does Herpes get his name? Old dudes that come back from Thailand. Oh yeah, with everything. They go over there for like four months of the year, come back looking like who knows?

Who knows? Who knows? You look it around real quick. There was a meme that I saw today of this older man Like they're using his 60s and he's holding hands with two hot Asian girls and it was saying something about like When I catch cash my VA check and I disappear don't worry about me

cool Because I'll be in some strange country. Oh, yeah. Where there's rampant sex trafficking. Oh my God, I know, right? I thought you were going to bring up the 91 year old who just died and who was married to a 42 year old. What are you talking about?

Ninety one year old billionaire I just saw today that died. Well, it's true love. That's what's important. She's probably hot as fuck. She's probably super, super hot as fuck. She's probably super super hot as fuck. She was way into him. Let's see what he and she looked like. He had a great personality. That gives me hope for the future. If everything goes sideways, you know, like you should be, men should be happy because that's even possible that you can trick. There you go. Look at that. Totally looks like they would love each other in real life. Looks like Mr. Bean's dad.

Yeah, she looks like she should be married to a farmer Some big old buff farmer. How do you how does she even meet this? Well? I mean I guess yeah probably some billionaire dating yeah He gained fame through high-profile dates just weeks after marrying his sixth wife. She died. Yeah, she got a pill over that dude But if you're a woman and you know you're 40 and this guy's nice He's worth fucking 30 billion dollars. You want to marry you let's go. Let's go. Let's fucking go I know I can I could deal with you. Did you like some maybe she even likes it? Maybe she also likes being super fucking rich totally why not she might like that a little bit more Yeah, like people were always about member Anna Nicole Smith. Yeah. Yeah, Jay Howard Marshall

Yeah, and people like they knew what it was but best guess what he knew what it was to totally he was having a good time It was caused by a tough bike workout. Oh wow. He's rushed the hospital crippling back pain And the ruptured heart valve Wow blew his heart out probably thinking about talking there. 1000% yeah he was still like oh yeah. 49 year age difference so what let it go. Oh look at that one right there is that her? Oh the previous one?

Damn let me see that one. That one's even more preposterous. No scroll up so I can see. Oh this guy's been doing it forever. That's the most preposterous one. That's perfect. That's what more preposterous. No, scroll up so I can see. Oh, this guy's been doing it forever. That's the most preposterous one. That's perfect. That's what I like to see. I see that. Yeah, because you can be disgusting. Also, it gives me hope that it, like, I don't know how old it was, 80, 90, but like...

Bam! That's what I'm talking about. Even, like, Betty White, before she passed, was saying how, like, she was like, I think at 99 maybe? Like, there was some article I read and she was just, like, talking still banging it out Wow yeah, dude wild old ladies. Don't give a fuck Oh, no, they're not worried about your approval anymore Dude that's she'll tell you she fucked Was that guy who owns the Raiders, she's got like a really hot 24 year old girlfriend. Oh, yeah, he's got that crazy mo haircut Yeah, dude, that's dude. What a walk guys character He looks like a he truly looks like a Nickelodeon cartoon character. Did he is he having a baby? Is that what's going on?

Well the or is it and Bill Belichick's got a young girl I mean Pacino's got I mean fuck dude Pacino's a dad at 92 or whatever is that normal? That's totally normal seems like it's gonna work out It's so yeah, it's so I think but you know wanted to take a paternity test to to make sure it was his He's like what I'm shooting live rounds. Yeah at fucking 90 years old. How's that possible? Yeah, I can't be but it is Yep, that's the crazy thing about men men can keep having babies when they're geriatrics But women like nature says that's rap they get to a certain age They go through menopause and that's a rap, but the dudes can just keep impregnating gals. Yeah, it is BAM son. What's up?

He looks like he Let me this man. Yeah, man. Yeah Wow She's a mystery woman. She's a mystery. She's hot. That's not a mystery Congratulations for him. Yeah, you did it. This is a fun thing about the lottery But when you see it the other way you get creeped out Yeah, like if you saw Betty White with like Thor you'd be like what the fuck What's going on there? Yeah kind of gross. Yeah, why are you doing that though? Yeah, you'd be worried about Betty White yeah, yeah

You take it easy the way you would have sex with a young lady? Because that's disturbing. Yeah, that's tough. What are you doing to her? Can she even take that kind of abuse? Maybe she could. Jesus. Maybe she wanted it. Maybe she's just one of them old school ladies, immigrant ladies with strong bones. Oh God. Stiff spine. Harlan used to do a joke, when it opened for Harlan, he would do a joke where he'd go, he'd take somebody's tortilla chip out of the front row,

and he'd go, here's my impression of a 75-year-old woman having sex. And then he would just crinkle the chip into the mic. And it was like, it sounded exactly like everything breaking. And yeah. Yeah, it sounds wrong, right? But like an old guy having sex with a hot young lady, like, lady like go pops kind of a cool way to go out to yeah sure I guess

Yeah, actually yeah, maybe not then I guess everyone's looking at you like oh you couldn't Couldn't keep it together enough. Oh, this is the one. She's not they're not this is a It's wildly untrue. Yeah. Well, of course it is people love They're not, this was like a weird rumor. Oh, it's wildly untrue. Well, of course it is. People love saying silly shit that's not true. Hopkins is pictured sitting next to Davis in December, 2022 fueling rumors that two were romantically involved,

but they're not, but we're hoping. We're hoping that he can get a gal like that. That's what it is, right? You're hoping. You're not going, oh my God. Cause he's so old that he's passed the creepy into the novelty Yep, right. So there's a creepy firm. Yep. The creepy version is like, you know a guy who's in his 60s He's dating a girl who's 20, right? That seems creepy. But if a guy's in his 70s

Yeah, he's dating a girl is 20. It's like okay. Yeah, it's so ridiculous. Why is yeah a little more acceptable It is what it is. I know, you know acceptable It is what it is. I know you know it is what it is You know what it is. I know what it is everyone knows like you don't know what it is He probably knows it is he was exactly what he lies to himself That's fine. That's all know what it is. That's his deal So when it's 60 and 20 or 50 and 20 we feel like that person is probably taking advantage of that 20 year old Potentially potentially yeah, maybe not maybe she's a real mature 20 sure that could be possibly feel like that person is probably taking advantage of that 20 year old potentially potentially yeah maybe not maybe she's a real mature 20 sure that could be possibly okay I can deal

with that but there's a weirdness if it's like a 60 year old guy and a 20 that makes me creeped out oh my god that's too that's too old oh yeah but if it's a 70 year old guy and a 20 year old you're like it's okay do my buddy-old guy and a 20-year-old, you're like, eh, it's okay. Dude, my buddy went to school and there was a 45-year-old dating a 20-year-old in college. That felt very weird. But it wouldn't be weird if it was a 20-year-old guy. This is my problem with it all.

Like a 20-year-old, let's assume that men and women are equal, right? A 20-year-old man and a 45-year-old lady is great. Like, no problem. Like, look at her. She's got a hot young guy. Like, no one cares at all. At all. It would be weird, but not weird where you would think, oh, that lady's a creep. No. Right? No. But like a 49-year-old guy and a 20-year-old girl, you're like, hmm. I mean, maybe. Same thing with the teachers. I'm not one to tell people what to do No, but if it was the other way around like share like share is what how old is share now?

Don't ask the lady your age She's 77 wow 37 Wow Okay, but listen that doesn't bother me at all Right that is what it is too. Yeah, right. It is what it is. You know what it is. Yeah You know what it is. You know what it is. I know it is. I know what it is. She is what it is too. Right, it is what it is. You know what it is. You know what it is. You know what it is. I know what it is. I know what it is. She knows what it is.

Everyone knows what it is. We all know what it is. We all know what it is. And we're fine with it. And we're fine with it. You can still go about your day and eat pizza. Let them live their life. So like a 49 year old lady and a 91 year old guy,

like fine. Let me ask you this, when you heard about Mary Kay Laterno, that happened in Seattle where I'm from. And that was the first teacher that like was fucking around with a kid. That was, I mean that age gap was like I think from and that was the first teacher that like was fucking around the kid That was that age gap was like I think 35 and 12, but also she listen. She's the first teacher to get caught There it is. Yeah, they were tears freaks all over this fucking planet Freaks also women that are just you see this Katie was charming some men are crazy

And some women are crazy and some women are crazy and they have great features Yeah, and they're just nuts and they want to blow the whole football team and they don't go fuck who tells who what? Who cares they get into teaching for that reason? Well, who knows why they got into teaching but they're crazy people Yeah, then some people just have no impulse control and they want to get Teenagers drunk and maybe they want to relive their high school and freak these young boys out and suck their cocks Wow Suck their cocks in front of their friends Can't believe is happening you imagine some math teachers got her tits out and she's blowing you you like what am I seeing?

How is this even real? I don't know what I would do bro And they're always in Florida how many of them like if I hear a story like that like I think of another story It's San Francisco probably if it's a teacher You're right fucking her students like probably Florida so hot blonde with big tits Tampa teacher took the pickleball team Oh Jacksonville no Tampa. Yeah, the swinger state swinger state. It's just something in the water out there It is probably alligator farts their fear turned everybody confused. Yeah, it's a methane in the air from alligators fart and it's got everybody high They are fearless down there yeah hurricane warnings they don't give a fuck well they do give a fuck but there's not much you can do well those people used to live down there like that is the fucking gamble you play but don't you ever see those stories when like

they're like a thousand mile an hour winds coming through and then some guys just like I ain't going anywhere I built this house he's ready to die some people just ready to check out that's what it is if God's gonna take them out by flattening their sucking you out of your house They're like I'm not leaving I don't go anywhere. I kind of respect that Yeah, maybe the car doesn't have any gas. They don't have any money for gas You know if you're gonna drive away from a hurricane you are gonna have bumper-to-bumper traffic for a day You ever been that you ever seen it? Oh, yeah

Did you ever get stuck in one of those? Oh, yeah those oh yeah oh yeah like just a big pile up for hours and no like a hurricane oh shit now it's a unique pile up because the whole state's trying to leave like the highways are not set up where everybody can leave the highways are set up for normal stuff so you're better normal stuff is you're going there but I'm going there we're not all going there so if everyone's going there I did my own you spark that back up you gotta think about that yeah normal traffic is we're all going all over the place yeah I gotta go to the east you gotta go to the west that's fine we could have multiple cars going that rarely is everybody going all going that way oh

yeah that's fuck that is so fucked look at this dude this is what it's like 56 hours on the road to escape from Hurricane Irma 56 hours. That's what that looks like That's why you don't live there. You don't live there unless you have a fucking private jet Yeah, or a helicopter to get the fuck get you the fuck out of there because if you get stuck in that shit And arguably less safe right? Or it depends on when you leave yeah okay because the thing about the modern storm the way they're the meteorologists and the way they're able to predict the paths of these things they're pretty good they're pretty fucking accurate and they see them coming pretty far away so they you

get a couple of days but that's 56 hours yeah 56 fucking hours like that's what it looks like so nothing is set up for that dude Nothing is set up where see they have both lanes on both sides going this way No one's going the other way you notice that so they change the lanes so instead of on the right lane people going forward in This one they're going back. Nope everyone's going the same fucking way. That's wild Yeah, and no amount of podcasts can get you through that drive or roadhead I just you might not have the money for the gas. Right. Okay. Like you're going to run out of gas. This is what's keeping you stationed. You're going to have to pull

over and get gas. You better hope they have gas because a lot of times they run out of gas. Yeah. In a lot of places they run out of gas and there's hurricanes. So you have to have a full tank. You have to make sure your car's not a gas guzzler. Yeah. You're going to have to shut it off maybe because you're stuck in the middle of this fucking road. It's not going anywhere because there's 10 million people on the same road. That's a mindset that people don't take into consideration when they think about living in places like that. You have to take into consideration the fact that everyone has to go in one direction. Not good. And Florida is shaped like a dick, right? So it's a narrow ass bullshit state

and everybody's going towards the north. That's what's scary about LA too, even with these like last few earthquakes happening, I'm like, oh man, dude, like it's, we're just not set up in a leave town with ease. Oh no, no, LA's not set up like that at all. For example, Texas 146, which travels through Liberty County,

dumped 600,000 people into a county with only 70,000 residents. Oh, that makes sense. Dude, you know how insane that is? 600,000 people in a place that only has 70,000 residents. That's crazy. Thousands of people ran out of gas, their cars overheated from all the inching along, causing many to stop and sleep along the highway. Thief reports of price gouging by convenience store owners inundated with customers. Crazy. The death of 24 Bel Air nursing home residents who died when their chartered

bus caught fire and exploded at about 6.45 AM. Oh my God. Clogging in a state. In a traffic clogging. So the car overheat and caught fire. Yeah, so that's happening just with the influx of people, right? There's just cars popping off. Dude, when you you gotta get the fuck

Away from a hurricane that is have you been in one or any sort of tornado not like that No, nothing like that any a desire hurricanes that had made it all the way like Gloria Made it all the way to Boston when I was a kid That was a that was a but it wasn't Jeff you want a shelter and all that no it wasn't that scary It wasn't by the time it got all the way up to Boston It wasn't it was nothing like the tropical ones the ones where you're catching them hot off the ocean Yeah, and you're you're getting those fucking Florida Keys those fucking Miami ones. Oh, yeah, bro. Those are bananas Take you down. I was in a rainstorm once in Miami where the whole highway had a stop

Whole highway stop because you couldn't see anything. You couldn't see in Miami where the whole highway had a stop. Whole highway stop. Because you couldn't see anything? You couldn't see a goddamn thing. The whole highway stop. It's wild how long people will drive still too when you just can't see. No, no one was driving. Okay, at this point. It was so bad, no one was driving.

I was doing a gig in Miami. Eddie Bravo was doing a Jujitsu seminar in Miami. I was doing a gig in West Palm, that's what it was, and I had to go down and travel to Miami with him. We had to stop on the highway. Stop dead. The whole highway. Oh my God.

It was white. You couldn't see anything. That's like apocalypse shit. It was. It's just. How long? That wasn't that long because they just dumps and then it goes away in a few minutes and it becomes passable where it's just raining now.

It's not so insane that no one can see. Right. But you've never seen that before. You've never been in in a tropical place. That was a normal rainstorm. That wasn't like a hurricane warning. They just get so bananas, you can't fucking see a car in front of you.

You can't see anything. That's so fucking nuts. I had to go in a shelter once, a tornado, my grandparents and mom from Oklahoma, and when they were living there, we went into the shelter. Tornado people, we were down there with people that were just like, we went into the shelter. Tornado people, like we were down there with people that were just like, we might have to live down here.

This could be the new, like it was my grandparents, few of their friends and people that were just like, went to the shelter and I'm fucking 10 surrounded by true doomsday guys that were just like, this is where we live now. Like you might need to, and you look like, you're the fattest kid here, young Adam, so we might need to be chomping on those beef jerky titties

Oh, it was wild but just even just the idea that like oh, we're running away from this was was wild cuz Seattle We didn't have any of that growing up. We just had you know, torrential rain or whatnot One time we were at the Nashville Airport. We had to go into the tornado shelter. There was tornadoes in Nashville, but nothing happened Right we got lucky that That's the craziest one. The craziest one is tornadoes because you can't even predict those. Oh yeah, dude. Those just show up. You see Twister?

No, I didn't. I didn't see the new one. I saw the old one. I didn't see the new one. I heard the new one's good. It's wild. Is it good? It's awesome.

Yeah. The effects are wild, dude. What they can do now is like compared to the old Twister. Oh my God. Dude, yeah. You believed Helen Hunt was in danger, right? We were very concerned for Helen Hunt and now you're uh, I mean it's I thought about going to one of those theaters I want to know how you feel about this the ones that like shake the seats and fuck that Yeah, no, thanks. Fuck that was people freaking out around me

Thanks go to see a fucking heart when we in the sheets she the seat is shaking. Oh yeah. People start screaming. No thanks. Yeah. It's too real. Too much of a mind fuck. Yeah. Maybe in some movies it'd be cool, you know? Well when I worked at Universal Studios they had a Shrek 4D.

And so like when Shrek or when Donkey would sneeze, you get blown with snot and stuff. Right, right, right. People like that. But that's a theme park. You know, I hosted the Fear Factor live show at Universal. No way. Yeah.

That's hilarious. And it was hosted the fear factor live show at Universal. No way. Yeah, that's hilarious And it was not anything close to your show But it was like you know But I'd have you have to make people think like you know the first stunt was like these guys are gonna be hanging on to These you know bike handlebars 30 feet in the air and there's a platform below them and when the platform drops out You hear the sound effect they gotta hang on and but they're attached to a buggy bungee cord So there's no real danger of all of me And then it was the only real thing that was kind of close to the show

Was the eating of stuff it was like we have this picture of like sour milk and you know Beaver clits and just all this it was just crazy shit and one guy projectile vomited on me And I said what the fuck into the mic in front of 1500 kids And I got suspended for a week because I cursed in front of kids. But I was- Why'd you throw up in your mouth? Yeah, dude. What do you want, perfection? You got a Fear Factor show. Dude.

Ridiculous. That's hilarious though that you hosted that. It was nuts, dude. I mean, it was very, I mean, dude, the show was- You, me, and Ludacris. Yeah, dude, it's a small club. Mary Fuck Kill. That is, did you ever go to Universal when you were there

with the kids there? Yeah. Sure, yeah. I probably saw you. I was Wolverine there for three years. I did, you know what to Universal when you were there? With the kids there? Yeah. Sure, yeah. I probably saw you, I was Wolverine there for three years. I did, you know what I used to love at Universal? The zombie place. Oh my God, it was awesome. The fucking, what am I thinking?

Walking Dead, the Walking Dead thing. Oh yeah, the maze, the thing would have, yeah. That's fun. It's incredible. That's fun. That's pretty scary. We had during Halloween Horror Nights, before they put a clamp down on it,

but I dressed up as Scarface Zombie, so I was Pacino Zombie, so, wah, wah, zombie. So well, I'm just chasing people around scared and Wolverine that's me dude for about four years. That's hilarious. Yeah the Share to people Universal has a great Waterworld thing too, like water world the movies it was not that good But water world the like show shows the best part. It's fucking great. Oh, yeah, it's better than the like water world the movies it was not that good, but water world the like show shows the best part It's fucking great. Oh, yeah, it's better than the actual water world Right. Yeah crazy the cost is like they might be in a movie that turned out to be a tremendous flop

That's insane they and they put together a theme show. Yeah for a movie. That was a tremendous flop Yeah, but the theme show is so good. Yeah people still come to see it Oh, yeah about a movie that no one cares about bro It's wild they spent so much money on millions of dollars Maybe billions one of those things were It sounded like yeah Didn't work out Didn't work the pitch sound must have been like so just it's like last of the Mohicans on water

And the guy from field of dreams and tin cup Dude there were days when you'd see people dude some of my universal days where I'd see a guy dressed as Spongebob, I mean I was a 1940s cop was the best job I had there because I wasn't from anything I'd improvise as Wolverine and make and do bits and my boss was like Wolverine's not funny Stop doing fucking stand-up because I'm doing open mics at this time So my 1940s cop walking around can make fun of people do whatever and my boss was like, Wolverine's not funny, stop doing fucking stand up because I'm doing open mics at this time. So my 1940s cop walking around can make fun of people, do whatever. And at one point I picked up a squirt gun

that was on a kiosk, it was like 120 out and I'm just shooting people with it and doing all these bits and Japanese tourists would walk by and I'd shoot this one guy in the back and then all these people would watch me and I'd be like, I didn't know what was happening. And my boss pulls me over and she goes, what are you doing?

This is 1940s New York. This part of the park, there's a New York people out of the window, there's a cabbie. You're supposed to be making people think this is 1940s New York. And I go, Jenna, with all due respect, a trolley just drove by with Fievel, Curious George,

and SpongeBob SquarePants blasting the song Ooh-ee, Ooh-ah-ah, Ching-chang, Walla Walla, Bing-bang. And I was like, I'm not a history buff, but I'm pretty sure that song wasn't also a part of the 40s. And she's like, it's your job to make people think that this is 1940s New York. And I was like, fuck, I got to get out of here. Jesus. It's your job to make people retarded?

What does that mean? And I was like, people are walking out thinking that I didn't make them think that this is then they shouldn't be in the park in the first place. That's ridiculous. Wow. That's funny. That's like people that go to those fairs those Renaissance fairs and then some people like break character and the other people I try to talk to them in character oh yeah see that happen oh yeah that's Larry oh yeah I broke character all the time dude John Dave Matthews

came in one time with his family I'm in full 1940s companies like is he only I can get a beer and I was like yeah come with me come there's one Irish pub down here I'll take you to it and I just just seen him the night before you dude you guys fucking Crushed it last night, and he goes. Oh shit. He goes. Can you break character? I go dude I don't want to be here fuck yeah He offered to get me a shot of this bar, and I was like dude you ruined the experience for him You ruined it for Dave Matthews. He was like he's breaking character. This is bullshit The cop thing I paid for the cop thing I he's breaking character. This is bullshit. I wanted to get the cop thing

I paid for the cop thing. I paid for the cop thing. This is bullshit. Yeah, dude, Dave Matthews. That's funny Cool as fuck that whole Universal rides thing is the the best thing is the Harry Potter thing a thousand percent fucking Dragons. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. It's wild. Yeah, you don't get sick. No. Yeah. No, I'm lucky I don't have the motion sickness Yeah, the motion sickness things a weird one. You can't read in a car. You can you know, it's what a song Yeah, you just treat Dremamine is your fucking cocaine you can throw up from reading in a car. Oh, yeah real weird your brain gets so confused Like why am I looking at something that's stationary when I know my body's in motion?

I know doesn't make sense. Your body does not like it it Yeah at all and your body's like you must be sick You have to tell it I'm not sick bitch. I'm looking at my phone. I know yeah Yeah, I tried to read a book once in a car and I was fighting off the nausea I was like don't be a pussy and then I was like oh my god. You can't fight it anymore. It was like Just happened. Yeah, no I held. Oh you did but I was like You know where it like comes up in your throat You have to swallow it back down God and it burns your throat You know those feelings that was right there had a kid have to do that in science class

He had chew eighth grade and the teacher found a mr. Moore cut Joe and tones at JRP And he had a big thing of chew in his mouth and mr. Moore goes mr. Anton such He's a little he looked like David the gnome huge beard you couldn't see his eyes barely his beard came up to here big fucking you know fro and he goes mr. Anton sitch I see that chew in your mouth and he was like I don't know what you're talking about he goes swallow made him swallow it dude puked right after that's crazy wish that story was better I would be mad at that teacher you can't make my kids swallow chew you fucking fucking 1995 dad for you

Really bad. Oh, yeah, mr. Morgan give a fuck poison. Mr. Morgan you piece of shit How about you shave your stupid fucking face to? Cock sucker you could tell this guy me he was a tiny little like science guy that you could tell like I don't know He didn't give a fuck. He was was gonna well they don't like kids fucking around yeah I get it but kids are gonna fuck around yeah you gotta be a little bit more even keeled yeah can't make kids swallow tobacco you fucking idiot it's pretty wild now that I'm saying it out loud it's crazy well when I was in school these to paddle you when I lived in Florida the fuck out of yeah yeah you get in a fight they paddle you they whack you in the ass with a

piece of wood in front of people no it was just the principal the principal would paddle you she's just like a weird fetish it was just like this is no it's a punishment you did something wrong you got whacked I got whacked did you get whacked no I'm not really as a kid yeah not much yeah nothing like where I got hurt yeah you know just like this but yeah of course nothing serious little spoon to the back Nothing critical slap my sister threw a high heel shoe at my back once during a fight. Oh my god Yeah, that fucking hit me right in the back. I went down. It's a piece of wood

Yeah, it's goddamn deadly weapon Yeah, then she locked me in the garage then I got out Jesus locked her in the garage Jesus And then she made fun of me for being a fat kid and having bigger tits than our mom Oh my god, she was adopted so I go you mean my mom? And fucking, dude, mic drop, but also, yeah, that one, that one, yeah, that was fucking, I said, Natalie, I'm so sorry, even to this day. Yeah, that was wild. That's to the bone.

She's crushing it now. Isn't that deep? As a fucking, dude, 10 years old? Yeah, well, kids aren't fucking mean because they don't understand what it's gonna do to someone. That's why bullies in school are so dangerous because you could ruin someone's life for no fucking reason other than you can yeah you see kids ganging up on kids

as fun for no reason other than you can you're gonna ruin that kids experience for the rest of their life oh yeah some kids they get bullied in high school and they never recover 1000 they become like recluses they hide they always associate people with pain yeah it becomes a real problem. Yeah That's a real fucking problem Yeah, the kids that would tease me for weight stuff like I try you know as I got a little older I try to give benefit the doubt and be like oh, they didn't know any better They're just fucking kids, but like and thank God I found a way to maybe you know get around it

But like kids can't so mean they could be mean they don't even know they don't even know man They're just doing it because they're experienced. Louis CK had a whole bit about it. I forget how it went. But it was essentially about, his, well, he's dead on right. It's like, they know that they can do this thing. So they do it.

And it's just like throwing a rock in a window. It's like they can, so they do it. And young kids don't think about consequences. They're little animals. They're not fully developed yet. And so they're mean, but the problem is when they're mean to like, if you're mean to a 14 year old that's just coming in in ninth grade, you might fuck them up forever, forever.

Especially if you're like 16 or 17, you're a big older bully and you're picking on some 14 year old kid, like whoa. I know so many people that just got destroyed from their experience in high school. Just destroyed their confidence. Altered. Well it alters the course of your life.

You're always thinking you're a loser. So it kills your confidence to try anything. Kills your confidence to meet people. You're afraid of interactions. You're always harkening back to that. Yeah, I mean that's why parents, old school parents will tell you, and some boy bullies you. You go back to school and you punch that kid

right in the fucking face. Imagine sending your kid to school and telling them that. Go punch that bully in the face, like what the fuck? I know, my mom used to tell me, she's like, go tell the teacher or call me and I'll call the parents. I'm like, that's the fucking last thing I wanna do. At least I'm savvy enough to not.

You're not gonna be there all the time. So I'm gonna have to go to school and I'm gonna have to deal with this guy this is don't you don't enter if you intervene you're not gonna intervene every day yeah so what's gonna happen he's just gonna remember that you intervene yeah he sees me no he's gonna put me in a locker you know it's gonna be a real problem I ran for vice president the fourth fifth grade and my mom helped me write my speech she was reminding me of this and I go a big kid again, and I was running on the platform of,

if you vote for me, we'll have ice cream every day. My mom helped me write this and I was like, I think I'm okay, and then she was like, put this, and she goes, say, if you vote for me, you'll have ice cream, I promise we'll have ice cream at LFP every day. Not, Joe, I did that in front of the whole school. Oh no.

Crickets. One teacher in the back, oh shit! Your mom told you to say that? Oh mom. Terrible idea. Is that fucking, what a roll the dice. I was like yo, don't listen to your mom. Also come on, kinda applaud the confidence to fucking, I mean you know, open mic night in front of the school.

Yeah, basically. But dude, it's also when not was still kind of in. So you think that was like the first joke you ever cracked publicly? It might have been. Probably has to be. Probably has to be. Right? I mean, when did you ever address a group of people? Oh, never. Never? Never. Right? So first time ever. First bad joke. Crickets. Right out of the bat. Maybe a couple kids were like, dude, this guy's fucking on to something, you know? Well, some kids just like it when there's a little bit of chaos like, yeah. Say something stupid.

Yeah. Just give me something to think about other than my miserable existence. Dude, yeah. Yeah, which is a lot of people. That's a lot of online activity. Like, people just looking for someone to fail so they can like, yeah.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Love it. I don't read the comments right now. I'm trying not to right now. Yeah, I just start doing that um maybe a couple years ago Oh good for you. I was reading both, and then it was just like I I'd love to live in like the Present yeah, I know how I think it it felt good in the moment. Why would I want to take away? Anything from that I don't know it's an unnatural way of human beings interacting with each other. It's not good for you.

Sometimes I look at stuff just to go like, oh, did they, like when she and I did the Trump-Biden thing, I was like, I want to see if people are digging it. You read a few nice things and then it's like you just have to have self-discipline to go. But, you know. But listen, you know it's good. You know that's good. It killed. You guys, when it was you guys doing Biden and Trump and going back and forth with each other It was magic. It was hilarious. Thanks. Just get it. Like you know what it is. What a wild thing to To have as far as like snl does these political things they're like what eight to twelve minutes like two hours of it

Like that's a wild even come close They can't even come close. First of all, it's not possible for them to come close They can't come close in the subject matter. And they don't have Shane. Shane is the greatest Trump that's ever existed. I will put my name on that. Shane should be writing for Trump. He should be writing for Trump. Like if Trump was smart, he would hire Shane

and Tony Hinchcliffe to write for him. To go on the road. Because Shane could show him how to do it. This is how, this is how you say the joke. He would say it. When he came out and was doing the dance and the low clapping. I don't know if you saw this too the way he was drinking his Bud Light. Yeah

Fully in character fully in character Yeah if I mean for real he could show Trump how to deliver the lines do it when we were the first time we did it because She and I only maybe see each other and chatted about ten times at clubs prior to that first time So this is really the other thing I love about comedy at clubs prior to that first time. So this is really, this is another thing I love about comedy. It's like we got to really kick it like this past weekend

a lot and chum it up and like just get to know each other more because we were thrust into this thing kind of together, you know? And during the first time of the mothership, I lean over in character and I go, hey Shane, you realize this is the most, most we've ever talked to each other? And in character he goes, Joe, shut the fuck up.

And I start fucking biting my lip. So funny dude. Yeah, it's a fun time for comedy and a fun time for politics if you're a comedian. For the rest of the world it's like, woo. I said that when Joe Biden was operating the country, it felt to me like how I feel when my Tesla is on autopilot. Like, yikes, does this really work?

Oh yeah. You know, it does this really work? Oh yeah. You know, it's like, Jesus. Oh yeah. What's happening there? And now it's seeing you as Joe Biden, you're way more coherent than the actual Joe Biden, which is so nuts. Some zingers, yeah.

Some zingers you can actually- What's the balance you have to find? I can't just be, people were like, dude, just mumble and stumble and you'll be fine. I'm like, I'm still there to be funny. You fucking, like I have to you know But you figured out how to do it in character too Which is fun because you you have that thing where you can do the bumbling and it's actually funny

Like you on purpose bumbling, you know, yeah, like it's because sometimes he just bails Yeah, he's bails on what he's saying. Oh, yeah. Yes. You know, we're gonna We beat Medicaid Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like voices in my act talking about the debate maybe, you know, some. Oh, and then you just. So that was the first time doing it. That's crazy. I've done Phil, Jeremiah Watkins and I did a bunch of during COVID like lost Phil episodes and that's kind of

how I started to find whatever my version of it was that. But this was just a first. Have you met him? Who? Dr. Phil. No. That's hilarious. But I think he's gonna come on my show at the store.

How are you gonna feel when you meet him? Press our jerk you're gonna handle it better than you handle Jim Carrey. Oh Fuck I think so. Yeah It'll be awesome what I want to happen tense Yeah, what if he's what if he just is that honestly when they were playing I need to be in charge of what you're allowed to say If you might be saying things You know, he might get to... I thought he was gonna come out at Madison Square Garden

when they played that video montage when they put me in the Killitone Hall of Fame. I thought he was gonna come out behind me and I don't know, fucking like stab me in the back and go, we won't be right back. That would've been funny. Just take me down. Yeah, he's...

I think he'll be, I want him to come out on my show at the comedy store and when they announce Dr. Phil, he comes out instead. And then everybody goes nuts. want him to come out on my show at the comedy store And when they announced dr. Phil he comes out instead and then everybody goes nuts And then I come out we shake hands and chat for about 20 30 well kill Tony's so big now I could see him coming out especially now because he's got that got a network book Yeah, he's got some stuff to sell dude I plug his book on every episode of the show people buy books now Joe and bring them to my club dates and have me sign and do a thing Tiffany Hatties was on one of the shows and and I go tiff this guy's got a question for you and he's like Tiffany I'm uh, I can't stop

Stop drinking, but I can't stop jerking off and she goes you gotta stop jerking off She goes you can go blind you jerk off too much. You're gonna go blind I go actually talk about that in my book. We've got issues I go chapter 25 if you come too much, you're gonna lose your ability to see the world We've got issues I go chapter 25 if you come too much you're gonna lose your ability to see the world So I'm like finding ways to like plug the book and now I'm sure it happy that'll definitely sell I think that's kind of a not a bad move Solid move good move on your part. It's a fun bit and it's like people now like I don't know no It's definitely fun. Yeah, but what would happen if you said stop doing it stop doing, and it was fun, it was a fun run. I would keep throwing it.

Yeah. OK, you hit it here first. I think I might have to go to court for this one. Come on, bro, let it go. There's no, I mean, it's parody, and it's all this, so I don't think there's a real, it would have to, I mean, it'd be a cease and desist of some sort, right? Well, parody is an interesting thing, right?

Because people are really worried about parody now with AI. Because there's a lot of parody now with AI. And people are thinking, like there was this one Kamala Harris thing that was going around where it wasn't, she never said any of these things. This is the original speech that she gives and there's this ridiculous version

of the worst thing that a person, like the dumbest thing. Oh God. Yeah, and it's AI. And it's like, yeah yeah that's one of them weird ones that's a weird one because if you could do that then you get have people saying all kinds of things like if that's okay to take like a famous person who's like the vice president in the United States and have her say a

bunch of shit that she didn't really say because it's parody like you can kind of get a little slippery with that like you can get like subtle parody yeah or it's parody. Like you can kind of get a little slippery with that. Like you can get like subtle parody. Yeah. Or it's like you barely know that she's not saying those things. Oh yeah. And then it becomes like people believe it's real. It's pretty obvious though, right?

The videos of these. Not always, man. They're getting good. They're getting really good. They're getting really good. They're getting close enough that they could trick a lot of people. And I think the best version of it now

is pretty fucking tight Man, the vocal stuff is pretty wild. It's all wild Yeah They can take your voice and have you say almost anything and if they do a good job with it and manipulate it and tweak it Like the intonations the god to get it's like so god Scary there's still a little part of you that listens to it and goes this seems a little fake Yeah, but I always wonder if like if I didn't know that it definitely wasn't real Scary. There's still a little part of you that listens to it and goes, this seems a little fake. Yeah. But I always wonder if like, if I didn't know

that it definitely wasn't real, I wonder if it would feel fake to me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like, yeah. I don't know, they said we're gonna have flying cars

about now and it's not happening, so maybe AI won't be as scary as. They do have flying cars. Yeah, but like a part of society and everyday life. Yeah, they're not common, but they would help in the hurricane place as long as you don't catch them winds. I remember when Dallas had Uber helicopters

for about two months. Bro, could you imagine if Florida had flying cars and hurricanes in the middle of the hurricanes, you know there'd be a bunch of those same kind of dudes that shoot out their window at people and road rage. They would be flying in winds that they shouldn't be flying in and crashing into the whole highway

In a burst of flames and killing everybody and it would be on YouTube reels the next day Florida is the guinea pig of states for all the stuff that's well, it's a state that was essentially founded Okay, there's two findings right this original the Spaniards landed in Florida first The first city was in Florida in this country, right? So you have like the colonizers, the first original colonizers land in Florida. Then, you know, all the fucking prisoners that Castro releases, he gets them out and puts them on fucking boats and sends them to Miami. And then you have the crazy cocaine days in the 1980s. And then you have the crazy cocaine days in the 1980s And then you have an economy that has there was more at least at one point in time find out if this is true still There's more banks per capita in Miami

Yeah Like for a city than anywhere else in the country because it was all money laundering People were just like they were moving money around with cocaine and people were making millions of dollars and putting in trash bags and Digging holes in their backyard you ever see cocaine cowboys no fucking incredible fucking incredible documentary And it's all this took about everything you're talking about too. Yes It's all about cocaine in Miami at one point in time one graduating class the Miami Police Academy Every single one of them either went to jail for corruption or was murdered oh my god the entire class it was just cocaine everyone was out of their fucking minds they're all on it and

they're all committing crimes on it and they're all making millions of dollars and they're all going to nightclubs at Scarface Scarface was based on that my god Brian DePalma Scarface written by was Oliver Stone right didn't Oliver Stone write it sounds right it is, right? For how long how long was this time couple years or what? I got decade more maybe more than a decade. Maybe 20 years my had a buddy Who was an ophthalmologist who did his residency at a University in Miami during the cocaine days? Oh, is it dude it, dude. It was nuts It was nuts gunshot wounds stab wounds people with things up their asses like

They so many people got brought into the emergency room with things they stuffed up their ass where they were coked up I don't know. That was a side effect army soldiers. I thought it was like stories No, no, no, no like light bulbs The ones that are shaped like pinecones stuff light bulbs up their asses like people were doing all kinds of wild shit and being brought into the emergency room the coke was just supposed to be like you take the party up a notch and you know there's more fun and depends on where you start okay man in some places so in the bulb up the ass was hell yeah like those fucking swingers in Tampa are already on the 29th floor.

It's not much of an elevator to get them to the roof. These fucking people are out of their minds. And the whole town was founded by cocaine. And it still has that feel, this party feel to that city still. I'm sure cocaine is still an issue there, but But I mean it's not the whole thing now, but it's like that's a frivolous area I always say if you want to starve to death open a bookstore in Miami Yeah, the fuck up we're out here stunting pot doesn't pot hasn't had a Similar type I don't know effect on the town. Yeah, not really

Right, maybe pot and LSD was San Francisco right 70s. Yeah 60s, but like not really You know people were putting stuff up their butts and what I know that well, that's reefer madness stuff That's the opposite of what you would do if you're a high you would not take you take that toy soldier And you go if I put this in my house, what if I get stuck? Yeah, start freaking out. What do I have to go to the hospital? It's stuck in my ass I'm not doing it. We're on coke. You're like get up there soldier I didn't want to Joey Diaz's death stars the last time I did his pod when he was in LA. Yeah, he would do that, too. That might be the highest I've ever been.

Incom- uncomfortable, very dangerous, bad for people's psyche. I was good for about 20 minutes and then don't remember what happened after that. Yeah, he takes people and he throws them into the darkest pits of their soul. Thank God he just talked, like I was so, I got quiet, I remember I looked over at Lee at one point and I was just like, I don't know if I can say anything else. Lee God. He just talked like I was so I got quite a member looked over at Lee at one point I was just like Least probably a sleep. Yeah, he was Lee was probably asleep standing up Joe would finish the story and go and then and we will got here and then let me tell you something

It's one time we're and I was like when he got real like that. I was like, okay I think I think this I got another ten minutes to be quiet cuz another story and then it was your brain totally catch Wow, dude, what a great way to put it. Yeah, where is it? Where's my fucking brain and over here? You know how to think yeah Buddy was down. I've never been so paranoid. Breathe. Just breathe the amount of times. I told myself to breathe was terrifying the old days of The Church of what's happening now is all just Joey doing edibles. Yeah insane amounts of edibles. Yeah, and just being obliterated. Where Lee Syat, like there's so many episodes where his eyes are closed and he's just rocking back and forth. He's hallucinating. He's watching like neon cartoons fuck behind his eyelids.

I remember he gave him another Death Star when he was like, eat another one Lee. And he was like, he woke up to eat it and then he he, I mean, it was, yeah, it was wild. But it was like, you know, I wanted to be, I wanted to participate. Oh yeah, you have to. How do you not? You have to. If you're doing Joey's show,

you have to be on the same wavelength, otherwise it'd be rude. But I was, totally. Imagine being a sober person, listening to that conversation, like what are you saying? Like, look at Lee, look at Lee, look at Lee. Yeah, dude. Lee's in another dimension right now. Oh God dimension right now. He's literally in another dimension.

He's gone, he's gone. Eyes in the back of your head. He's passed over. Always smiling so he was on some sort of a journey. Well listen, he's on The Church of What's Happening Now with Joey Diaz having a great time. Which is when you want to be like that fucked up on Edibles. You're around nice people having a wonderful time By the way another stamp in the comedy zeitgeist or the history books of like I'm I feel very fortunate To have been in a time where I got to be around that and then beyond you know

I'm saying like be I mean, obviously you guys been homies forever But like yeah, that's like, you know, that was a staple in time Well, it doesn't exist anymore like people forgot I keep trying to tell him to bring back to church and I'm trying to get him and Lee together again to do, I think they're talking about it and Lee was out here when he was out here.

God damn those two together were so fun. It's just, Joey Diaz like that was so funny. He's so, it's just so Joey Diaz. And if you know him, you love him. Like the, when, on the July 4th one, when he was like screaming, you're a fucking American. And he's like in the background, he's da da da. Oh yeah, I did.

Da da da. It's the Joey Diaz day of the union. It's incredible. Those are also some of the wildest nights at the store that I will never forget in the OR. I'm seeing a lineup that's just, you know, Tom, Bill, you, Joey, like you bring up Joey, Joey bringing up you is a half hour

that I don't think I'll ever forget, dude. That's so wild. And I know you get that now with the mothership of what you guys are doing here and what you've created, but man, like seeing it for the first time of it, of me seeing it is what I'm, I guess, getting at. Of being, and getting to a point to where it was like, open mics at the store, then I did phones for a few years,

and then being a regular, then just being around, and being around enough to be comfortable to stick around and sit in a bucket seat and watch that transition happen was wild, dude. The fucking, the pops and the roars, and then you sitting down and watching him was so fucking cool, you know? I don know that's that's other stuff that is not you have to just be around to see that like that was cool it was different time yeah it was like

you could do that then and you could hang out in the back and you didn't get bothered and you could you know the store was that was an interesting time of the store because it was like it was so heavy there were so many killers there was so many people there it was just it was such a magnet for crazy people too so there's this energy in that place that was so different yeah you know that's also because it's like Ciro's nightclub right people were killed there you know oh really Bugsy Seagull you don't know all those story oh my god Bugsy Seagull owned it I just know it was a nightclub that's about as far as

a mob run nightclub Holy shit. Yeah, I'm sure you've talked to people that have seen ghosts there, right? Oh, yeah Yeah, well how many other place for people have seen ghosts? I know that's like the most ghostiest of ghost places in LA when you talk to like those fucking ghost freaks. Oh Really? Man, it's like there's a bunch of stories about the the comedy store being haunted Yeah, like I know of it multiple people that have seen ghosts there Carla Bo used to have a crazy story about sleeping on the stage and Like something grabbed his leg and dragged him to the end of the stage

Well, then he heard a bunch of chairs clink and the door slammed and there was no one in the room He was asleep on the stage. He got kicked out of his apartment. He's had a fight with his girlfriend. Fuck you I'm gonna make it you know that kind of shit Yeah, he's young and he was working as a doorman for the store So he had a key he goes and he said I'm gonna sleep on the stage cuz I'm gonna fucking make it in comedy And then he's on stage and he hears a noise like a chair is clinking. He's like hello Hey It's me Carl. I'm here. I got kicked out of my place. So I'm just sleeping on the stage

Hey, who's there? And he hears like a sound again He doesn't see anything and then all sudden a hand grabs his leg and drags him like six feet and then let's go Oh my god, dude, that's fucking terrifying. Yeah, I mean maybe he lied But it's amazing story the way he would tell I want to believe I want to believe I want to believe too. I've never heard anybody get touched by a ghost though It might have been one of his friends. He might have been blackout drunk one of his friends I don't know Carl sleeping on the stage. Let's fuck with him, and they probably never told him

They probably forgot they did it they did it acid and fucking a pile of coke sounds more believable Yeah, cuz he was a part of kineson's crew right right and so like Mark Maron said that when he he partied with kinesin so hard that he had voices in his head for a year a year After he got back left went to Boston long after he was hanging out in Los Angeles And he had voices in his head for like a year saying what I don't know not good things. I'm sure they're never good voices Start a podcast in your garage. That took years to happen.

This is like the 90s. Yes, this is like, not even, this is the 80s. That's fucking wild. This is like, when I met him, it was 88. So this is like- So these are leftover residual voices from the drug abuse. They did so many drugs, they did so much coke that he had voices in his head. Where's that?

I guess I just the coke what probably a breakdown of the natural neuro chemistry fucking with your brain someone. Yeah 100% yeah, you're robbing your brain of its ability to produce dopamine like you destroy all your serotonin levels you fuck with everything when you go that hard with coke and then you have to get off like Those guys get wrecked. Wow. I've met people that that hard with coke and then you have to get off like those guys get wrecked Wow, I've met people that are getting off coke and they are wrecked Like just it's just empty and they're so drained Fuck it's just like it just fucks you up and makes you want to do more coke get back on the horse

Here the dog and we're back and we're back Coke get back on the horse here the dog and we're back and we're back Yeah, I'd see it. Oh my god. That's a demon. That's a demon in powdered form. It's not around as much anymore in a club So this is how really yeah, it's around all over the place. The problem is now it's got fentanyl in it Yeah, not that kill you fuck that people are still doing it. That's how nutty coke is they're gonna roll the dice It's not crazy. I know not from the cartel. That's fucking wild. I don't even take, people are bringing me weed now all the time, which I appreciate, but I, I mean. Well they found weed with fentanyl in it.

Yeah, I know. And it's also like, one kid had a bag, it was at the Comedy Castle in Royal Oak, and I walk in the bathroom and he pulls out this little bag and he goes, bro, I brought you something. And it's just a bag of shake. I go, oh man, thanks bro, I'm just trying to be polite. I go. Thanks man. He goes there's more where that came from I go, can I be honest this looks like it just fell out of your pocket

He's like, yeah, I mean, but I brought you the bag I was like the gesture sweep but like I just feel like this is not the move like maybe it was a nice joint Maybe in a tube and stuff. He's like, okay, you're a Hollywood guy, huh? I'm like, no, that's nothing to do with it. It's just there's a bag that was stuffed in your cargo pants of shake Yeah, of shake. Yeah, you know and or joints that you know and oh yeah you can't roll the dice on that yeah yeah you can't today you know there's places that are trying to outlaw fentanyl tests which is whole insane who's doing that where is that happening is that a Texas thing where's that happening where they're outlawing the fentanyl tests and the I

think the concern is that it would encourage people to do drugs or sell drugs and that maybe the thing that's gonna discourage them is the fact that people are dying from it, which is an insane way to think. Let's just prevent people from dying first. I guess the fear is that it would make people feel like it's safe to do coke again. Center for Disease Control and Prevention and most public health agencies endorse distributing fentanyl test strips to people who use drugs. The practice is illegal in 42 states and the District of Columbia. Wow!

Oh my god, that feels like way too many places. That's insane. I thought it was like a state. I thought it was like a Florida thing. Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, North Dakota, and Texas, they are now allowed in every state except Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, North Dakota, and Texas. That's nuts, Texas. And it's an easy way to save lives.

Jesus Christ, that's insane. Why does Texas have it illegal? Why are fentanyl strips illegal in Texas? Texas, one of the few states where fentanyl strips are still illegal and considered drug parnofenalia. One argument that has been made against the test strips and other harm reduction practices is that they may encourage people to do drugs or continue doing drugs. So let's just kill them. Let's just kill them. Let's let your kids die because they made a mistake. Because they're 16 and someone gave them some coke and they wanted to be a cool kid. That's insane, that's insane. Yeah, we don't want to encourage kids to do drugs, correct.

And you know the way to do that? Is to have positive role models who aren't doing coke. That's the best way to do it. The best way is your favorite country music singer doesn't do coke, you know, like maybe that. Maybe your favorite athlete doesn't do coke. And he tells you, listen, I don't do coke, athlete doesn't do coke and he tells you listen I don't do coke you shouldn't do coke It's fucking scary fuck dude. Yeah

Fuck that is wild crazy. You would have a test trip and make it illegal you could save lives That's the only way you should look at that you're gonna save lives. They're already doing something illegal You know you're not encouraging or discouraging. If it was not killing people, probably the same exact amount of people would be doing coke. I can't believe that we got rid of, what was it Jamie? Sunbubble? What was the place that you pulled up? The hot tub, the cum tub place? We got rid of those, but we can't get fentanyl strips approved?

Crazy. Well, also, the real elephant in the room is why is it a prob? Why are these drugs tainted? And it's because they're illegal. That's the problem. And the room is why is it a problem? Why are these drugs tainted? And it's because they're illegal. Yeah, that's the problem And the problem is we don't want to make them legal because we don't want to encourage drug use, right? I get that too But the thing is we're gonna find the only way you're gonna make it safer for human beings To do these stupid things and live is if you make it legal Yeah, it shouldn't be legal in terms of like, I

mean it should be, it certainly should be legal, but it shouldn't be something that someone can profit off of. It shouldn't be something that someone can sell to people. Maybe the best way to do it would be to make drugs free and legal. Like if you want to, like if you, I catch you selling coke, your death penalty. But if you want to give away coke, if you want to make coke and give it away, it's totally legal. If you want to make your own cocaine or a pharmaceutical drug company makes cocaine, they can sell that cocaine for exactly what it costs to make it and nothing more. Okay. So no one's gonna make it.

Yeah. But then the drug, well then then then you will have a supply problem and then you'll have my ideas I bailed on it it was adorable to watch you go because I was like no because then people just they'll make it and they'll certainly get the fentanyl problem all back you gotta allow pharmacy with drug companies to profit otherwise they have no incentive to make it then they're gonna tell you they're gonna have fucking ads like CNN brought to you by cocaine that's gonna be the Anderson like CNN brought to you by cocaine That's gonna be the Anderson Cooper show brought to you by crack the cocaine news network. Yeah, that's what it'll be It'll they'll Anderson become like pharmaceutical drug companies sponsor those shows now, right?

It'll be cocaine sponsors. I would watch a full news network. That was just everyone's fucked up responsible use of cocaine Just a little before you talk about the weather If you're gonna have any segment of the news Whoa, you better got two coats on today, baby Fucking car gassed up cuz gonna be in 56 hours of traffic. Let's go. It's gonna be hot. Let's go I'm not even anywhere. I'm gonna ride this motherfucker out in the basement Meanwhile your basement gets flooded Some of those places get flooded I was watching the last hurricane this whole community is underwater

Did you see any of that Jamie there's a community in Florida and it was it was not even in the flood zone And they're all underwater their houses are underwater. Everything's underwater No, thanks. Yeah, not good, dude. Not good at all You're living in a place where the sky becomes an angry monster and could snuff out life have you scuba dived no fuck all no thanks I know there's sharks out there my wife is like we don't know I think 73% of the ocean she's just like what's 90 yeah it's gotta be I think it's 90 every day there's a new fish or dolphin or whale and you're like I just saw this video of I think it was a swordfish coming out

And like flying across the but whatever did he pop down to the water? I was like, I don't know they could fucking jump like that. Yeah. No, thanks, dude. This kid was on my podcast recently Bob Gimlin is his YouTube Channel he had a very interesting point. he said he thinks that and this is coming from someone else who observed this he thinks that sharks are attacking people not even to eat them they're attacking people because they don't want them there because they're getting in the way of the seals and all the things they eat that's why they're killing people they don't want you in your their

water and I was like oh my god that makes sense well a thousand percent I mean we thought about what are we doing there I want to think of them as like these fucking thoughtless killing machines There's biting everything imagine just walking into a stranger's house opening the door just go opening their fridge You guys might make some tater tots. That's what we're doing in the ocean There's a video of a kid in Hawaii who's on a small like paddleboard Like fishing off a paddleboard and a fucking tiger shark bites the paddleboard have you ever seen that video? It's terrifying off a paddle board and a fucking tiger shark bites the paddle board have you ever seen that video it's terrible but it is I mean if you wanted to think about it look the kids out there fishing yeah so he's stealing fish from the sharks

sorry yeah like the shark knows that that's not a fish oh god is this dude you watch this this is crazy so he's on your fish. Look at this. Tiger shark! Tiger shark rammed me. No, no. It bit you bro. Rammed me, yeah. That thing bit him. Watch this. Oh! Look at that. It bit the boat, man. It bit the boat. Yeah, dude, you're taking food out of its mouth and its family's mouth. Again, you walk into a stranger's house, you take the meatloaf sandwich out of your kid's

mouth, your dad's gonna punch you in the face. Yeah, that thing knows for sure that's not a fish. Shark attack seems like maybe the worst way to, I mean, die for sure, but like... It's a horrible way to die, dude. Oh, man. First of all, you can't get away and they move real fast and you can't move at all. It's not even like a bear on the ground. You feel like you maybe can run maybe oh, yeah I'm up a tree

I just saw this video with an alligator attack where it's like if it bites your leg You're supposed to roll with it and then play dead and then you like Playing the playing dead thing always to me. I'm like, you're not that good of an actor Good luck keeping it together. Why I think is clamped on dude I don't even think Pacino could fake dead in front of a gator I think they're gonna be like dude gonna keep you underwater until it knows for sure so you have to not move Yeah, you're not like are you that Zen to reduce your panic around a Gator attack? Nobody is nobody is nobody is but it yeah, but a shark dude that just feels and then they say punch them

They say punch him who's got enough wherewithal or just you know in the moment who survived Punched a shark was wrapped around their torso Who's got enough wherewithal or just you know in the moment who survived this punch to shark What was wrapped around their torso who survived maybe Tom Bergeron gonna rip you in half? Yeah, you're done bite force is insane. Yeah, it's got filled with knives go to your happy place You know You're looking down at your entrails and no legs And that's it. That's the end Wow How long do you think you get to look at that entrails and no legs and that's it that's the end wow how long do you think you get to look at that before a few seconds you get a few seconds

what is that thing biting oh my god his mouth oh my god it's just a killing machine but it does make sense what he's and now that i see that video that's a great perspective of the shark biting the boat that totally makes sense taking his snacks Yeah, cuz I used to think that it was oh just they'll bite anything No, they're mad that you're there get out of here bitch because they're pretty smart right or no, okay? Okay, they're well. They're ancient most most of these really ancient things that haven't changed at all Since the dawn of time they're not that smart because they're just about killing Like if you think about how old sharks are, I think sharks are older than trees.

Yeah, I think sharks predate trees on Earth. See if that's true. I'm 99% sure it's true. I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues. Sharks are older than trees. 450 million years old. Wow. Tree is 350 million years old. So there was sharks for 100 million years old Wow Tree is 350 million years old so there was sharks for a hundred million years before there were ever trees That's fucking wild, dude And they're out there in the water you want to scuba dive Adam right no fuck is wrong with you bro. I'll go to Sun bubble with Jamie see you down there with your stupid gear And I know you fucking cocksucker you're ruining my fishing yeah yeah no

thank you sir I'm not interested yeah okay not if I'm glad we're on the same page that picture of that shark oh my god what kind of shark is that little bansaw in its mouth that the early sharks heliocoprion that's what its mouth looked like 240 million year old fish Jesus Christ You ever see the movie the Meg oh yeah one of dumbest movies has ever been made yeah It's so dumb like why you watch this like what she done to me dude and even Statham was just like We're gonna see what's down there No, you don't Jason go back to fucking the Italian job to or things biting the window. Yeah crashes through the

Giant 50 foot shark. Oh, yeah, the fuck it was what about open water was that the name of that one? Where was just all shot found footage? Yeah, that was a good one though It was good cuz it was realistic realistic. Yeah, the Meg is the Meg twos even dumber Yeah, even dumber than the Meg one. Yeah, but they're fun. It's fun dumb, you know, those are good popcorn movies from time to time Enjoyable. Yeah, you know, that's not really happening. Imagine. It's like a Megalodon down there, but there could be that's what everybody thinks Maybe that's what took the the rich guys in the submarine that went down there. Do you think something big got him? No, yeah incompetence. Yeah Human folly, I think that gets more people than sharks, you know, that's a big one

I do like the idea that the further down like all the way down there There's something like where the Titanic really we're at the fucking very bottom is something that's living down there That's just you can't even comprehend that's never even trying to come up But if you go all the way down there like they did or you make it down for whatever I saw Will Smith in some video where he went down right with some people For some Discovery show like really down there to where it Was like they should be down there Fuck out of there even these astronauts are going to space that are stuck. They're stuck February. They're stuck Joe why?

Can get them why are we still going like what are we with is down here not good enough? Yeah, but it's also if they can get them in February. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, what if that doesn't work? What if what if something goes wrong with that something went wrong? Which is why they can't get them guess what things go wrong? And you might not have rockets available that can do it you might not have a shuttle available to get them You might not be able to fucking you might have like some sort of problems in your software who fucking knows man. That's Terrifying and they have to like either be saved by another, I guess, SpaceX or? Make friends with the Russians.

Have the Russians bring them home. There you go. I bet they can get them. Wouldn't that be funny? That's a nice slap in the face. Yeah, dude. The Putin says, I'll do you a favor. Nice Putin.

I'll go get your friends. Okay. Yeah, just for the nice Putin, you'll be nice with me, I'll be nice with you. Wow. We'll get your friends. We'll give you Britney Garner. We'll bring back with me. I'd be nice with you. Wow your friends. We gave you Britney Garner Bring back your estimates. Yeah, or give us back pretty there was a sound that was recorded once by underwater

microphones that was a Biological sound that was louder than anything that any animal had ever made before and they don't know what it is Do you see if you can find that? I mean it might not be this but remember the other day the humpback whales or whatever make a fucking crazy sound. Oh yeah they make crazy sounds but I don't think they they think they took that into account and this is different. This they don't know what it is and they never found it again, but whatever this thing is it sounded biological. Oh god. Like it was a a biological sound it wasn't a geological sound It wasn't like a sound the earth makes or you know a little underwater earthquake There's something about the sound that they determined it to be biological Which is like what yeah, we talking about their fucking Godzilla down there now finding out about this something called the bloop

Yeah, that's it. That's it doesn't sound very scary. What is it 19? What? Will put up the details of it so I could read it is you have an article on it making sure it was yeah So whatever this sound was they don't know what the fuck it was and 1997 National Oceanic Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration recorded a mysterious underwater sound that lasted for one minute and was detected by hydrophones five Thousand miles apart the sound was named the bloop and came from a location off the coast of Chile. The Bloop captured people's imagination, led to theories about what it could be,

such as the call of a dinosaur, an undiscovered sea creature, or a giant squid. In 2005, NOAA scientists discovered that the sound was actually caused by an iceberg breaking away from the Atlantic Glacier. Oh, shit. What the fuck, dude? I didn't even know. So they solved it. Sound was actually caused by an iceberg breaking away from the Atlantic Glacier. Oh shit What the fuck dude? I don't even know so if they solved it. I was hoping it was a fucking monster That was the only one there wasn't one so yes What it was so it was probably one of those things where they had talked about it for so long that it is stuck In my head that it was a biological thing. I still have hope Article in 2017 talking about where they say they don't know what it was oh Still have hope an article in 2017 talking about where they said they don't know what it was oh

Okay, so this is someone trying to cover up for Godzilla. That's that is that's some state-sponsored CNN type bullshit wow they're trying to cover up for the fact. There's a goddamn Loop you're reading the AI overview, so maybe I've made up the answer. Oh, yeah, you piece of shit you fucking lied That's probably what it is you know AI lies What you have thing called hallucinations if AI does not have an answer to something, it will come up with an answer. And then that could be searched from the web, right? So it could be some blog somewhere where some guy made up something

about it was an iceberg that caused that sound, and AI will spit that back out. Yeah. It's a thing that AI does when it doesn't know the answer to something. Apparently, they call it hallucinations. This is coming from AI scientists told me this. I don't want AI to have hallucinations. They don't even know how it works dude. They don't even know exactly why it's doing what it's doing. They don't

know how it's being creative. What? Once you see those things too about like some of these robots like what was that thing it was like I don't know it had having them have feelings or any sort of. They're not have feelings. That's even scarier They're gonna be able to think really clearly without any emotions. No remorse No morals no ethics. No worrying if people like them no reading the comments. They don't give a fuck Fucking robots man god, that's my fear about. My fear is that that's what aliens are. That they've already bypassed the human body in all of our primate systems.

Oh yeah. They've bypassed all that. They're all gone. That's all gone. Do you think they listen to our podcasts? Yes, 100%. They're listening right now. They love it. What up, guys? It's fun for them because they don't get to think stupid anymore. Yeah.

You know, because everything's clear. Right. It's like, you know, it's like you want a little bit of chaos because they don't get to think stupid anymore. Yeah. You know, cause everything's clear. Right. It's like, you know, it's like you want a little bit of chaos and they don't have any chaos left. I think that's why they visit us. That's why, like in my special I said that I think aliens look at us the same way we look at Waffle House fights. Yeah.

Oh, that's right dude. It's just like, what the fuck is going on over here? What if the aliens like love Danny DeVito? Like what if their favorite actor is like. They love Despicable Me. Despicable Me. They the favorite actor is like they love despicable me this bit Oh, yeah, they love them. We love grew yeah, yeah, maybe that's it I mean who fucking knows but if these lion AI cocksuckers do we find out about that 2017? I found another thing in 2024 said same thing with the iceberg

Okay, so might be real might have just been an article if they were putting it in the headlines people would watch their video oh Right probably and what year was it what they recorded that sound it was recorded 97 Yeah, see anything back in those days. That's not you know, like you didn't have barely had the internet in 97 Yeah, I don't know facts together. How do you know what you're talking about? Anything pre internet. Yeah, I would could be a biological sound could be a dude just into to into dinosaurs sure you know, but there's probably some shit down there. We haven't discovered I think so they always find new fish like there was a bunch that washed ashore during a tsunami They were like what the fuck is this was that in Thailand where there was like a gang of them that washed ashore in a tsunami These undiscovered deep- sea creatures cool crazy like blind things

Yeah, live in the place where there's absolutely no they can pop up and show up here I don't think we need to go down and try to find them. Yeah, wait for a storm Yeah, wait for the storm to come through down there. They'll wash up Dude, that was an Oregon. Look at that fucking thing. Oh, yeah, I'm going out of my way to find that fuck off That's that cuz some kind of an anglerfish. Oh my god. Which is one of the craziest inventions in nature. That nature invented a fish that has a fishing rod off of its nose.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how does that even happen? Look at that fucking thing, is that real? Come on, that can't be real. Oh my god. Is that real? I know this one above it is not, but I don't know what the fuck that is.

The thing is with AI, man, you could think something's real and they just fuck with you and this is in the New York Post They might have got the 2017 Jesus will go pre AI, but wait a minute. They probably did a sample of that thing What is it? Let's find out what it is. I bet they figured it out. Look at it Hmm thing to could be a fang tooth snake eel or garden or conger eel. All three species occur off Texas and have large fang-like teeth. Look at that thing. Imagine if we lived in the ocean. Show me the picture of that again. Imagine we live in the ocean. You got to deal

with that. I'm surprised Pixar, they did find Nemo, but they should do something that's highlighting all these lost creatures. There's got to be an underwater lost city where you can see the... Yeah, Mermaid versus Monsters. Yeah, they should do something that's like highlighting all these lost creatures. Like there's gotta be an underwater lost city where you can see the- Yeah, mermaids versus monsters. Yeah, they should. Why don't they do that? Fang tooth snake, Jesus, look at that fucking thing.

Mermaids aren't real, right? I hope so. I hope they're real. I know, me too. Throw those things around, I'm like, I don't fuck, like who the fuck knows, dude? But isn't it like the ultimate trap? A beautiful girl and she has no vagina.

She is just fish, she's a fish. Like fish don't have sex. What are you supposed to do there? The part where you have sex with doesn't exist. It's all just fish lay their eggs. So how do you lure any guy into the ocean? You ever see how fish breed? The female lays their eggs

and the guy's just jizz all over it. Like we used to catch rainbow trout when I lived in Boston and We'd go to this lake and catch rainbows and they would be jizzing when you pulled them out of the lake Like cuz it would be the time where they're spawning and they're they're making babies And you're allowed to fish for them at least back then you were and you're pulling them out as they're jizzing like they're as you're holding They're like The place trying to get their last loads out before you fillet them Wouldn't you?

If a bear's about to eat you wouldn't you just try to fucking empty the tank? I guess no one's probably ever touched him before it's probably really exciting there you go It's the first time to go around. Oh my god. Yeah, like imagine. You just like blue balled all day long You're so blue ball that you just jizz in the ocean. Yeah on the floor. Yeah, I bet all they have to do is run a finger by you Yeah on the floor. Yeah, I bet all they have to do is run a finger by You know You're seeing where your dog is humping a leg. Oh, yeah, and dogs just like they start humping the air Yeah, dude committed a fish and grab them right when they're in that that in the perfect spot peak rut Just just squared all over the place. Have you ever seen a fish do that? No

Yeah with with rainbow trout they would do it all the time. We'd catch them, they'd be jizzing. Good for them. What a life. It's a bad death though. You know, come in and die. You failed. Yeah.

You failed. You jizzed all over the inside of a boat. The opposite of what you're supposed to do. Not good. Not good. Not good. But yeah, so if that is a mermaid, like what the hell?

What are you saying? What's with the little mermaid? I mean, she only, Eric was only into her because she came out of the The water and had some human features exactly and lost her voice like what the fuck? That's why he was into her he was like dude I've been dating all these you son of a bitch these girls that just talked too much and things like wow I met a girl that just doesn't even wanna super hot can't talk But if she does talk you can't have sex work. She doesn't have a giant anymore

Yeah, take your pick Honey you need to learn sign language All right, Adam right let's wrap this up My pleasure. I appreciate you too one more time the name of the documentary in the documentary is called Doug It's on my youtube channel where you get all the dr. Phil live specials dr. Phil live tour It's all Adam Ray comedy commie commie got October 25th and Philly October 26 in DC the Beacon Theatre Go ahead in November 15th Celebrity Theatre December 6th Santa San Diego Civic Theatre December 7th all that Adam Ray Comi comm my special is like and subscribe. It's on YouTube on my youtube channel.com

slash Adam Ray Comedy And then all my tour dates at AdamRayComedy.com. Got Columbus Funnybone coming up, the Buckhead Theater in Atlanta, Pittsburgh Improv this weekend, if this is out in time, Hilarities in Cleveland, all at AdamRayComedy.com. AdamRayComedy.com. Okay. And one more time, Dr. Phil's book. We've got issues.

We've got issues. We've all got issues, but we've all got solutions, okay? You could fuck a mermaid with your eyes closed, but does that mean you're going to make it in time for breakfast? This is what Dr. Phil's going to use to say, you can't be him anymore. He finally did. I would never say that. What did you do to my reputation, you son of a bitch?

You're the man, dude. I appreciate you, John. You're the man. I appreciate you, John. All right,, bye everybody.