The Joe Rogan Experience - #219 - Joey Diaz

Episode Date: May 23, 2012

Joe sits down with Joey Diaz.

The Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Dude, I drank some dish water, coconut water yesterday. I found there's a big difference in coconut waters, you know? Yes, there is. We found this out with C2O, the company. Those guys came to visit us at Brea when we were at the improv.

And they said that Thai coconuts are what you want. It's like a short tree. It's only like a five-foot tree or something like that. And it's not like what we think of these giant palm trees with coconuts. It's not like that. It's a shorter tree, and it's like a sweeter coconut. But all those cans go fucking sour anyway. They all go sour.

They all go fucking sour. Zima, CO2, I got them at the house. So tell them to blow that smoke up somebody else's ass. That's why I finally tapped out and I go to Little Mexican on Vineland and fucking right there. Goya? $4.

He gives me the whole fucking coconut. Oh, yeah. Right there. For an extra three, if you do blood, he'll trim it around like a margarita with coke. Stop with those cans of shit because they all go fucking sour. There's a cans of shit because they all go fucking sour. There's a great place called, in L.A., there's a great place called Press Juicery,

and they deliver them to your house. Oh, please. They deliver fresh coconut water from you. That's dealing with a drink coconut water, Doug. It tastes so much better. I gave up. It tastes so much better when it's like right, fresh, and raw, like out of the fruit. I got a case from the CO2, and it's fucking all sour.

C2O? Yeah, it's all fucking sour. And the one before that was fucking sour too. So stop. That's why they're in the refrigerator. I've never drank it once that was sour. I'll put some sugar in it. When that coconut goes a little fucking sideways.

What are you doing? You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you just put a little sugar in there, and you dope it up with some ice cubes and shake it up. Sometimes if it's warm, bro, trust me. I was drinking coconut water when you were in Columbus, fucking drinking Coca-Cola out of a red can, cocksucker. I was going to Puerto Rico in the fucking 70s

when you could buy the big fucking coconuts. There was no Thai around. In 1970, there was no Thai food. There was no Thais around, so knock it off with the Thai trees. When did the Thais get here? In fucking like 78 after kickboxing, after kickboxing won.

That's when they fucking showed up. When I got to this country, it was Chinese, a couple fucking Japs, and a couple fucking Koreans. Don't start that shit. The Thai came later,

later on, all dark and shit, creepy looking, whatever the fuck. I don't know. Fucking dark skin. I don't know what the fuck they are. I don't know if they have

Puerto Rico, they're fucking Chinese. When the Thais came along, the whole porno industry got tossed on its head. Fuck yeah. Those Thais are filthy. Those chicks are animals. Before the Thais came around, look, not even Thais, but there was some sort of an Asian invasion that happened.

Because before that, it was very rare that you see Asian porn stars. Now there's like a gang of them. And I love it. I love to see dirty Asian bitches. Except those really dirty ones. Some asian except those really like dirtiest ones ever yeah would you have that one on your podcast on one of the one of the podcasts was it a naughty show what's it awesome akira oh beautiful too look at the one with her oh i can't watch those men she gets brutalized yeah oh gagged and tied up and face fucked. And oh, my God.

The thing you can't just do. Something happens somewhere along the line. You know, and I'm doing that Dave Attell show today. Dave's old porn. I'm doing that right after I get out of here. Well, you sit down like mystery science theater style in front of an old porno film and you like mock it and make fun of it and pick it apart. But those old show, they were completely different. You watched an old porn, it was just people that got together, and then they had sex.

It seemed so innocent in comparison. Let's get down to basics. You've been a fucking horny cocksucker all your life. When was the first time you watched porn? I want you to explain to people, and how did you watch it? First time you discovered porn, break it down for me right now. The first time I discovered video porn, like a real porn, like on cassette, it was my dad. A cassette?

Yeah. How did it come on a cassette? A VHS. A VHS cassette. Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, let me tell you how long. I fucking discovered it when it used to come to your house, reel to reel. Oh, my God. Yeah. Well, let me tell you how long. I fucking discovered it when it used to come to the house, reel to reel.

Oh, my God. So for $8.95, you ordered it, and somebody had to stay home from school. Explain reel to reel. Reel to reel was you actually, if you ordered, $22 worth of porn. Each porn reel was $1.99. And this was when porn was just disgusting. When it was just to the point where after that either you became a freak or you fucking said,

I don't even want to see that again. That's what happened to me. So what happened was for $19, not even, guys, I'm exaggerating, for $12.95, you got three movies and a mini projector, Brian, in the mail. A mini projector. A mini projector in the mail.

I remember this shit. So you had a fucking stay home, and it was right next to the ad for, do you get some kick sand in your face? Do you remember that ad with the kick sand? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You went home. You sent Joe Weider $3. And he sent you the whole muscle building chart.

Yeah. Not the weights, but he also sent you a trophy. You know how many of those trophies I had? How many? About 92 of them. Just had to do a push-up. You know what I'm saying? I had to do a push-up.

I just kept ordering Joe Weider. So you had to fucking put the reel to reel. Correct, Brian? Yeah. Tape it to the thing. Like, you were the fucking, you had to do everything in those days. You were the editor. You had a splicer.

You had to splice it. You had to, remember the, it was crazy. It was fucking, you had to put a sheet on your wall and hope that nobody came home until you got the sheet off the fucking wall. For me, like, my buddies brought it over, and we put the sheet in the attic. And we all got together. We smoked like a joint between seven of us. And we were all excited to see this porn. And all of a sudden, and it starts like 10, 9, 8.

And all of a sudden, and they showed this chick taking a piece of bread, putting a guy's cock. And this was way before crack. I don't know what the fuck they were doing to make these chicks do this shit in the 70s. It wasn't heroin because he was awake. She put the piece of bread, the guy's dick on the piece of bread, put Miracle Whip on it. I'll never forget that memory.

And it wasn't even Wonder Bread. It's that square fucking bread they give you like in county jail. And the bitch put it and she bit into the guy's dick. And after that, me and my five little sixth grade friends looked at each other and that was the end of the fucking, I don't know if we came in our pants. I don't know if we were just mortified. We never watched another porno again. That was the end for me.

But when the film broke, I remember you had to stop, correct Brian? Yeah. You had to stop working, whacking off and put the film back together. Yeah, and it stuck because it wasn't like it was just like put the two pieces together. You had to first like trim and cut like a perfect like cut. Then you had to put it in the splicer and get this tape. And you got a boner and you're sitting there rubbing it.

And you have to fucking splice. It was horrible. Porn was tough, though. You had to work for it. That's why you had to work. You had to make a sheet. Remember when they would have stag films that they would show at bachelor parties? At bachelor parties, they would show stag films.

Like, guys would get together, and they would show films of people fucking. And they would call them stag films. But it was just porn. It was porn. There was nothing different. But that's what they called it. They called them stag films. And they would show them at stag parties.

Wow. Yeah. How gross is that? I could never even. Then I went to a theater in Jersey. Like one day my friend's like, Sunday nights they do this shit up in Jersey, dirty movies.

And you sit in the theater and watch it with other people? That is disgusting. That's so gross. That is the lowest point, but it's not even low because you don't know. You're 16.

You figure, let's go have a few beers. It's not gross till you go to the bathroom and you go to piss in the urinal. And some guy just happens to pop out of stall number two. And he just stands next to you like he's looking for flowers. And when you fucking shake your dick, he's staring at your dick. And then you go back to your seat. You tell your friends, when I went to the bathroom, there was some pervert in there.

You go back to the bathroom and you take your dick out. Again, boom, he bumps out of stall number two and he's sitting next to you. Look, I mean, it would be so fucking creepy, the whole lifestyle. There's a lot of dudes that are just into that.

What is it about sexuality that's so creepy? Is it because it's so repressed? But what is it about that one desire that's so gross? It's just so undesirable. Which is?

The idea. Sexuality. Like, the idea of you sitting in a room. Like, that's a part of sexuality. You sitting in a room, like, beating off to videos of people fucking. Like, a bunch of other people in the room, too. And they're all, like, looking up all together. Like, what the fuck?

Why is that so creepy? I don't know. But it is. is you know if everyone was in there eating fulfilling that desire there's no issue there's nothing creepy about it you'll be in a room with a bunch of people everybody's eating a sandwich and there's no problems you know we're all filling that desire no issue i'll go back to it but you go to but a sexuality issue you know like it's very private and very creepy and even though everybody does it's kind of mysterious so they like to sit in some room full of a bunch of people and everyone's just openly

like sort of admitting that we beat off and i'll sit in there together oh no beating off in front of somebody else they're all doing man no no that's what they're doing at those theaters oh no no no when they go to those theaters they're not they're not like just watching the film and critiquing it wow her, her ass is huge. How did she get all those dicks in there? How do you fucking whack off at the movie theater? That's how Pee Wee Herman got arrested, remember? Which is hilarious, man.

How the fuck do you get arrested for beating off at one of those fuck theaters? Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Aren't you supposed to beat off there? No, I don't think you're supposed to beat off. I think you have private rooms, like whack-off rooms, and bookstores are different. The whole thing is ridiculous. You know what's going on. You're showing people blowing people,

and you're getting upset because someone beats off the crowd? Look at your product. Think of the 70s in New York. What was the name of that club where people went and paid money? Sarah's Retreat. Devil's Retreat. Something's Retreat. Plato's Retreat.

Plato's Ret Plato's retreat Plato's retreat And what was that? It was a sex club In the 70s and early 80s Where you paid You know A thousand bucks

To the door And you went in And you fucked 85,000 fucking people Plato's retreat Think of You know The thing that

Always got me about sex That You know I've been addicted to drugs So I understand the addiction Is when I would get off the bus On 48th street And it's You know 745 to go to work selling cars. And I would come home and roll a joint.

I would smoke it right there on 42nd Street. I would just sit there and watch, not guys like you and I, but guys that had families, guys with suits on and a tie, that before they have to go on with their day, they would have to go into a peep show oh and you know who i would see a lot of and i'm not here to insult anybody i'd see a lot of hasidic jews really a lot of hasids would run in there with their black on in their hats whack well where the laugh factory is today where the laugh factory was in manhattan that was

originally a strip club on that whole corner that was strip club world not even strip club on that whole corner. That was strip club fucking world. Not even strip club. Beep shows where people fuck in a circle and all that stuff. But I remember I would sit outside of that. You know, because you have to cross that street. And I would just sit there and watch people. And go, what would make somebody jump out of a train? And that was that. You could see them like I used to leave the store to have to go get a half gram of club coke. There's nothing else on your mind but that coke.

I would see them walking off, walking outside 8th Avenue, fucking walking left, and you could see their body language. They weren't going to stop until they got to a fuck show to see some guy fuck a big black chick in the middle of a room, and some chick comes up to you with a tit, and you could suck it. Here's this guy that has a family that lives in the suburbs, from Jersey or Queens. That's what always fucked me up.

That's their fucking freak. That's their freak. My freak was doing two bumps and wagging off till 4 in the morning. Theirs was going right off the bus at 6 in the fucking morning to see two people fucking. I remember the first time I ever bought porn, you had to go to an adult bookstore if you wanted to buy videos.

Because, like, you could go to some video stores, like Blockbuster wouldn't carry them, but some, like, mom and pop video stores. And then, you know, of course, you'd have to go through, like, saloon doors. You'd have to go through saloon doors. Or you'd go through, like doors. Or you go through beads.

But one time I went to an actual porn store to buy it. And I remember thinking, really clearly thinking, don't fucking look at anybody. Just get through this. Go find what you need.

Get the fuck out of here. We're not here for small talk. I'm not one of these people. And then I started thinking about it i'm not one of these people i just need some but i don't want to be like and then i started thinking about like who are one of these people like you think about people that visit porn shops you know i don't want to hang out with any of those people people that go to visit porn shops but wait a minute but i've visited a porn shop like who why why is it so creepy but i don't know but the instinct like automatically is that it is you know taking care of your sexuality especially yourself it seems like such a selfish creepy rat like thing to do you're sitting there

watching videos oh yeah no drama no drama no drama you're whacking on maybe some people are disillusioned from the world maybe they just want to tap out for a while and go home putting a wig on and jerking off is fucking what they're into. That's the beauty about what we do, that everybody's into something fucking different. I understand somebody going to a porn store every day because I go to the weed store every day.

So what's the fucking difference, correlation in my head? Well, the porn thing to me is fascinating because porn girls, there's a huge number, a huge percentage of them who have had bad things happen to them when they were kids.

A lot of traumatic, sexual type shit. And it's not all of them, but it's a lot of them. And so you go to look at it and go, this is crazy. This is a whole industry that was created in many ways because of abuse and then that industry is is something that feeds you know through these online videos all these millions and billions of people but we're all all supposed to feel bad about it. It's a weird sort of undercover creepy thing. You couldn't go into business meetings and talk about your favorite porn sites.

You can't just go there and like, what are you guys doing? You still going to you porn, you fucking noobs? Hey, come on, you got to check out xyzupyourassvideos.com or all Asians or whatever the fuck website it is. There's like a hundred thousand

like free porn websites online. But you can't talk about them. Everybody goes to work and they just go, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you brought it up, you could get in trouble. Like if you shared

that information with someone that you work with, you know, if like, what sites do you go to? Oh, you know, mostly like fashion and baby sites and what sites do you go to? Oh, you know, mostly like fashion and baby sites.

And what sites do you go to? Have you been to E-Fucked? I think it's called. What? It's E-F-U-C-T. U-K-T. What is it? It's just like fucked up porn videos.

You know, it's kind of like old style project but like kind of that kind of feel but like you know the first one is uh this girl who's 18 has a whole hand in her vagina and getting fucked in the ass at the same time oh my god and it's if you just look at the front page at all the crazy videos but anyways that's my new favorite porn shit it's just the abuse porn is very strange that's what i was saying about watching watching porn from the 70s and the 80s. They just had sex. That's all they did. I mean, they got together and then they had sex. Porn of today, there's some really nutty things they're doing, man.

There's a lot of joking and gagging and fucking spitting on each other, spitting in mouths and stuff. When we were in Ohio, me and Joe Diaz were in Ohio. I was over at my friend Shane's house because he had a baby. And Shane was showing me, like, he got the Playboy of the month and year that he was born. Like, the issue, which was, like, in 1974. And there was this person on there that the the the the centerfold was the most beautiful woman ever and i'm like obsessed with her now her name is uh marilyn lang it's m-a-r-i-l-y-n lang l-a-n-g-e what are you doing you stalker no no no no no no yeah right but but she it was

before you know implants like it was so weird seeing Playboy that always used to be all natural women curves and boobs and stuff. When did it become all bleach blonde? Early 80s, right? All big boobs. Was it early 80s, late 70s? I don't know. It's amazing when you look at the evolution of the tit. If you really look at a Playboy from 1969, you go, wow.

Even the fucking nipples were rounder. They were pointier. You know, it's really weird what a woman looked like. We've had this discussion before about the women of the 70s. You know, Natalie Wood, the crazy one that Steve McQueen was married to. I shouldn't call her crazy. It wasn't her fault. He smacked her to death on the fucking movie set.

But it's just you see those women and you see the women now. I don't know. I don't know if there's a difference i don't know well i think it's more exercise today and plastic surgery for sure you know plastic surgery it's so it's weird where like unnatural looking tits are normal it's like this animal behind you she busted the scene she really did pamela anderson really and everybody in this room says, yeah, she's gross. But at one time, you did look at this bitch and say, God damn! She's hot as fuck in that picture, no doubt. Yeah, she's hot as fuck.

But it is weird that we're looking at, those aren't really her tits. Those are water bags under the skin. There's a big surgical incision. They stuff water bags under her skin and it stretches it out to make the nipples extend further and make the whole thing unnaturally tight and

swollen. It's really kind of fucking crazy. You could tell that bitch got good pussy. You could tell she's got good pussy. Dr. Zhivago pussy. How weird are fake tits? They're weird as fuck, man. It's a crazy thing. I think that's a fake nipple.

Or button. No, that's a button, silly Billy. That's just placed too perfectly. Oh, you shut your pie. Yeah, she probably has a super pussy. When it comes to porn, I don't really... When I worked at Captain Video, I worked at a video store in Aspen, Colorado for a while. And they used to have porn in those days.

No section. They had 12 boxes. You know what I'm saying? Like a video store had maybe six releases. One of those releases were the Lynn Sisters. And I brought them home and get coked up with my girlfriend. The Lynn Sisters? You know, Amber Lynn and Georgia Lynn or Lynn Lynn.

Oh, Ginger Lynn. Ginger Lynn. And then the other one was when that girl was busting out in the scene. The one that was 14 and they let her find out she was 13. Like, I seen her movies. Which, were you talking about Tracy Lourdes? Tracy Lourdes. Yeah, I think she was 14.

She was 18. There's one video that you can get, I think, where she's 18. Well, she did one called Tracy Does Japan. Where she sticks a fucking octopus up a fucking pussy. Come on. You serious she did that? Yeah, she was fucking crazy. She put an octopus up her fucking pussy. Come on. You serious she did that? Yeah, she was fucking crazy. She put an octopus over her?

I didn't know that. Oh, I don't think you're right, Joey. Gotta look it up. Gotta look it up. Tracy does Tokyo, dog. Why would he? You don't forget shit like that. You know me.

I gotta find out about this. She was the original tentacles? Yeah, she was the... I don't think so. Because they were all trying to live up to the Led Zeppelin thing, but Tracy does... What's the Led Zeppelin thing?

Zeppelin used to put octopuses. In Seattle, they shoved a shark up some chick's pussy in Seattle. They were an orgy, dog. What? A little baby shark. Yeah, Zeppelin was the real deal, dog. Chick wanted a freak, and they said, let's freak, motherfucker. It's in a couple books.

Oh, man, I got to see this now. But Tracy did Tokyo. There's an intro online. You have to get it. You got to get the original fucking cut, the whole thing. But Tracy does Tokyo. It was when she went on. And that was the last porno I watched.

It doesn't say anything about Octopus up a girl's pussy. It's not going to tell you. You know what I'm saying? It's not going to tell you. She gets in this toilet and she puts up her wiggles. And I remember sitting in that room. Because I used to, you know how in those days you always had a movie on in the video store? I was so crazy, I'd put a fucking porn on.

And when people would come in with kids, I'd turn it the fuck off. You know, I was living in another fucking dimension then. So I remember putting it on and going, look at this, guys. And I thought it was disgusting. You know, I wasn't into that much of all that craziness. Dog, my experience of porn is boogie nights. This movie's online. It's like the parts of it that aren't sex are online.

Yeah, dog, this is a wild fucking movie. You know I ain't going to drop bullshit. Now, whenever I come here and drop fucked up knowledge, I don't know nothing about porn. Isn't it crazy that Tracy Lourdes was like 16, 17? 16, look at those pictures. She's doing just hardcore. Hard fucking core. Hardcore, dog.

I got an idea. Let's buy the movie and all masturbate in front of each other to it on the podcast. Isn't it crazy that you can say that there's something wrong with what she did? There's something wrong. It's crazy. I mean, she obviously knew how to fuck. She obviously looked like she should be getting fucked, right? All the above.

All the pieces were in place. Would you think that, though, if you never saw her get fucked, though? I mean, if she was just a fucking garage homageuse, you probably wouldn't think that. I don't know. I think, you know, she obviously wears a lot of makeup in her videos. Right. That was what you were supposed to look like 30 years ago. Look at those

haircuts. If you saw her when she was, you know, with no makeup at 16, dressed like a 16-year-old, you'd probably go, oh, that's like a young kid. Yeah. It's like that Lil' Ramsey kid. It's a weird thing where it's like, what is the right year? Like, no one agrees. Like, some countries, it's like 16.

Some parts of the world, it's 13. Some parts of this country, I think it might be like really young. You know, like whatever the age of consent is. I think most of them are leaning towards at least 17 now. What do you think as a parent and as when you had sex at your age? How old were you the first time you shit a fucking pussy? Were you ready? Were you really fucking ready?

I'm talking to you man to man. Were you ready? Yeah, I was okay. I mean, I handled it. It wasn't that big a deal but i think for kids you know for kids fucking around with kids there's a different age you know like you can say the age of consent is 18 and if the age of consent is 18 that's that you know that makes sense to me because i mean 17 year olds can still make out with each other you know like

there should be like an age buffer where like an 18 year old boyfriend who's been with a girl since you know they were 16 and 14 should still be allowed to bang her like once he turns 19 like they've been boyfriend and girlfriend for three years you know what i'm saying like why can't they bang anymore just because he hit some magic number and she hasn't hit it yet that doesn't make any sense to me and there is a lot of that there's a lot of banging at 14. A lot of banging. You banged at 14. A lot of banging at 15. Banging at 16. I banged a little bit at 14. I sucked some titties. You know, were you ready

for it? A lot of hand jobs. Were you fucking ready for it? You know, the girl I was doing all that shit with is kind of retarded. I looked at her Facebook page. She's got a fucking ninja suit on. She wasn't ready to see my Cuban egg roll at fucking 14. You know, I mean, then you have to refer to yourself as a parent.

What age do I think my son or my daughter is ready to fuck around? The real question is, what age can a man fuck your daughter? That's the real question. That's the real question. Because it's not, can a 16-year-old boy fuck a 16-year-old girl? Yeah, of course they can.

Can a 17-year-old boy fuck a 16-year-old girl? I guess so. Can an 18-year-old boy fuck a 16-year-old girl? Yeah, of course they can. Can a 17-year-old boy fuck a 16-year-old girl? I guess so. Can an 18-year-old boy fuck a 16-year-old girl? Yeah, if she's mature. Can a 19-year-old guy fuck a 16-year-old girl? No. Can a 20-year-old... You know what I'm saying?

Like, it starts getting exponentially creepier. And who's the judge over that? Yeah. Somebody in Kentucky probably thinks it's completely different, like it's 7 and 40. Yeah, there should be some sort of a standard, but I mean at a certain point in time, you just gotta let it go.

When are you ready? Look at your kids around you. Whenever I meet people that have kids, I always ask the parents, how old are the kids? And when they say to me, he's 14, I go, I look at that person. I go, look at that kid. At that age, I was already doing a thousand things.

What a shame. Because I wasn't ready for that. What a shame. Yeah, but you had a wild life. Doesn't matter. That was part of it. At 14, you should not be hanging out with guys robbing a train. You know, just to get with motorcycles. Yes, I would say that's true.

You should not be doing a lot of things at 14. Yeah. I stopped and think about some shit that I did. Absolutely. Abso-fucking-lutely. At 15, I shouldn't have found somebody on the floor dead. I shouldn't have done a lot. You know what I'm saying?

I handled a lot at that age. I look at these kids and I go, that's 15? Wow. At that age, I had already mugged somebody or rolled a drunk. I'd done something, you know what I'm saying? Something to look over and go, fuck, either I like this or I don't. A shark tastes blood,

either he likes it or he doesn't. I remember hanging out on the street at night as like a 13-year-old. 13-year-old. My God. I remember we'd just be out on the street in the summer. We'd be playing in the street. It'd be like midnight or something. We'd just be out. No one does that now.

You can't do that. No. Cop would pull you over. Cop would pull over and go, you have a curfew at 10. You've got to be in. Where's your parents? They can drive you home.

We would just say, hey, I'm going to spend the night at my friend's house. And then my friend would say, yeah, we're going to spend the night at the other person's house. The parents don't want to fucking talk. They're like, cool, babysitter for the night. We get to fuck on the couch. You guys are out in the woods getting mosquito bites in your dick.

Right. Remember mosquitoes, man? Yeah. We don't get that in LA. People don't realize how fucking cunty mosquitoes can be. When you go out into the woods and they just swarm on your ass. I got bit in the face when I was in Ohio from sitting outside right here. Just recently?

Yeah. And off don't work no more. We talked about this shit. Off, that shit's done. They power through that shit. Those mosquitoes, they drink that shit from mouthwash. They got a hold of some Monsanto corn, and now they're fucking super pumped up. Dude, my dad was telling me about this bug that came from Japan, and that's then hit,

I think, Canada, and then went to Michigan Michigan and now it's coming down to Ohio. What it's doing is it's not bad for us but it goes into these trees. I forget the name of the tree that it's attacking. It drills holes in it and lays eggs in it and then when all the babies come out,

they just pretty much destroy everything. It's killing this whole breed of tree. Is it a bark beetle? No. It's something I've never heard of. And it's just destroying all these. My dad has had these trees for 30 years in his backyard, these humongous trees. They're all dead. And he's like, dude, all the trees in the neighborhood are dead.

It's just attacking Ohio right now. And when it was in Michigan before. How do they stop it? They can pre-tree the tree. You could have these people come out to your tree and put this shit in it, and they drill these holes in the tree and put this chemical in the tree that supposedly helps it. But it didn't work for my dad. He had all his trees treated. Whoa.

And it's just destroying all these trees. That's insane. Yeah. That's fucked, man. Yeah. yeah that's fucked man yeah isn't it weird how like we now because of all the cross-pollination with ships and planes and we can introduce shit to a place where it has no natural predators right and that the whole system just gets completely fucked i was on the um the uh not not even the highway it was on like uh regular streets last night at about 10 o'clock and as i'm driving

down the street i saw this fucking coyote standing in the road staring at me and then he trots over to the sidewalk and then i slow down and i look at him and he's staring at me and he looks left he looks like and then he runs up into someone's driveway and i'm looking at that coyote i'm like that mother that's reality yeah that's nature That's something that doesn't know traffic lights, doesn't give a fuck about your laws, doesn't give a fuck about, oh, that's your kid? Oh, I won't fuck with your kid. It's a crazy little monster running around eating cats,

eating rabbits, killing things all around people's homes. And that's reality. That thing's going to be here long after these buildings rot away and nuclear waste makes people evacuate everything west of Pasadena. I mean, once that actually happens, when things like that actually happen, coyotes will take over. There's a gang of coyotes that live in Burbank. And I have this thing where I feel weird with coyotes

because I don't feel like they're going to attack me at all, even though they might sometime. But I always roll down the window and fuck with coyotes. Like, I'll whistle at them and be like, hey, you, come here. You know, like, do you play with the coyotes? You think they're like dogs, but you ever see a picture of a coyote with their mouth open? Yeah, it's scary. It's fucking nuts, man.

They look like cartoon mouths. Like, their mouths have so, like, pull up a picture of one. Coyote, mouth open, big teeth, something, Google, asshole. Butthole, asshole, whatever you want to put in. The extra teeth that they have are really fucking creepy. Yeah, check this picture out. It's crazy. Oh, Jesus.

Look at all his fucking teeth. Look at that. Look at his fucking teeth. Look at that. Look at his fucking teeth. That's so scary. That's really fucked up when you think about that young girl that got killed by coyotes. It's so rare that that happens. Yeah. But it can happen.

Little kids get bitten by them all the time, but usually little kids are near their parents. So usually what happens is the dad comes over and beats the fuck out of the coyote, and the coyote lets go. It's happened a few times in recent memory. But fucking this chick was just walking through the woods, and a whole gang of them circled her and just said, we can take her, and just jacked her. Killed by coyotes. Ooh, that's gruesome. Yeah, the gang in my neighborhood just hangs out around my fence like all of my dog will come out and go to the bathroom and you can just hear like like it my dog start barking and then you see all these feet scattering around my fence like oh these coyotes are going to

try to attack my my dog if they can't dude knowing that coyotes can attack people like that i say we kill all of them and people like, the coyotes are our friends. Do you know they killed a mountain lion in Santa Monica? Do you know about that? Yeah, I heard about that. Where are you going, Joe Diaz? To the soap. Is coyote good at eating?

Like, can you eat a coyote? Because what if we can make it some kind of coyote burger? I bet you could eat it if you had to eat it. I bet it would taste like shit. I bet it would taste like hatred. Really? I bet coyote meat just tastes like rotten hatred. Yeah, you're right.

This coyote brain. That's a crazy voice. Cunty fucking animals coyotes are. So they killed this mountain lion in Santa Monica. In like where everybody is. Santa Monica. Populated area. It wasn't a homeless person. No, it was a fucking mountain lion. It was a real mountain lion. Not like where everybody is. Santa Monica. Populated area. And it wasn't a homeless person.

No. It was a fucking mountain lion. It was a real mountain lion. Not a cougar. Not a crazy old bitch. And when they killed it, there was all these Facebook posts and one of them was my favorite. It was so awesome.

There's this woman and she said, why are we... It's only because of our ego that we think we are better than animals you know animals have a soul and she like you know soul in all caps i would gladly take a bullet for an animal or a dog or a cat or a bear or a deer before i would for a person exclamation point exclamation point i mean i was i was looking at this. I'm like, this is amazing. Like, this is a person that's actually saying,

you shouldn't kill that monster that's roaming through the neighborhood. The 150-pound cat. No, you shouldn't kill that unpredictable beast. And if you wanted to do that, I would gladly take that bullet. I would sacrifice my life for this monster. You sacrifice your life for one of the most horrific creations of nature. A big cat.

A mean thoughtless killing machine. You can't even roll a basketball in front of one of those things. They fucking dive on it and bite it. That's their instinct. Yeah, but they could have also done that as a weapon. Just like, hey, get away from me, cat.

Here, chase this ball. One of those things where you have all this money and all this technology, they can put one of those bullets and put him to sleep and take him to a zoo. Yeah. And figure out what's going on. Yeah.

You don't have to kill fucking everything. Yeah. I do think that. Kill everything. I understand a bear is a harmful animal or whatever, but something made that bear come down. That bear don't want to fuck with nobody. We don't want to fuck with him.

So either they're building somewhere they shouldn't be fucking building, or there's no food for the fucking bear. It's most likely no food for the bear. And it's also the problem with bears and people is that once they find out that they can go to garbage cans and get food, that's it. They just go to garbage cans all the time. Then they have to take them and put them in zoos and shit. They become problems. Listen, I understand. You have to protect the community. We can't have a bear or a fucking mountain lion.

Does anybody know what a mountain lion will do to a human being and how fast? But at the same time, let's see if we can fucking mummify him first. Take him to a museum. Figure out what made this fucking happen. Mummify him? Mummify him. Shoot one of those darts at him. No, we have no darts.

You got something on your lip. We have darts and lasers. Darts and lasers? Yeah, we have lasers and darts. I think they tried to shoot him with a dart. But I got to see a kid running on the 101 backwards and he gets shot. Dart him. What the fuck you got these darts for?

You got darts, officers. Dart him. Laser him. You talk about him. You show him in a Chuck Norris movie. Now you're on the 101 and you don't want to dart nobody. You follow me? We're a little bit too...

I think tasering people is dangerous. We're a little bit too quick to pull a fucking trigger. I love the fucking, you know, bearing arms and everything, but it's a bear. Anybody who knows hunting or whatever, just sit still for two minutes and get the fuck out of there. Get the fuck out of there.

You kick a garbage can, they're more scared of us until we fucking corner them. I lived in fucking Aspen where they were everywhere. They were everywhere. You got to be real careful if they have babies. You got to be real careful. I seen a lot of shit in Aspen. I used to see schools of raccoons.

Schools of them crossing the street from the big one to the little tiny one at the end. I know those motherfuckers are dangerous dangerous but you can't hit them with a car let them be I wish I saved a picture there's a picture that I I saw once I don't remember if it was online or in a book or a magazine I wish I saved this picture because I haven't been able to find it in all my Google searches but it was a guy who was a photographer who was killed by a

bear and he was taking pictures of a female and her cubs and the last image on his camera before he was killed by the bear is the bear with its teeth glared charging him. And it's a fucking horrific picture. They found it.

They found it on the dude's camera. I bet that is. I remember looking at it and thinking, it's so powerful. Yeah, it's crazy. Smoke weed and stay home, mind your business. When they shot Jim Jones and the cameraman went down. Remember the camera kept running as they were shooting everybody?

As we got on the plane from Guyana, that was live footage there on television. What the fuck were you doing in Guyana? You should have been taking pictures of San Francisco where you live. That Jim Jones story is fascinating, man. They shot him at the airport. What was the dude's name? Who played him in the movie? Powers Booth. Ooh, Powers Booth's a bad motherfucker. He was a fucking savage. What was the dude's name? Who played him in the movie? Powers Booth.

Ooh, Powers Booth's a bad motherfucker. He's a fucking savage. He's a bad motherfucker. They only use him for certain things. Oh, my God. He comes out when you need a heavy southern gentleman throwing heat. Powers Booth's a bad motherfucker. Look at the screen right here.

For some reason, the image isn't showing up, but it says images captures a bare seconds before it's mauled to its photographer. Oh, it's false? Yeah. Well, I think you're thinking of a different picture, though. They're thinking of one where it's a bear comes into a guy's tent. I think that's a different image. Okay.

What's up, Joe Rogan, baby? Nothing, baby. What's going on, man? See if you can find it. You're very excited about this weekend? There is one fake one, though. A fake one where they showed the Photoshop. Sorry, I cannot go with you.

This is a great fucking card this weekend. It's going to be sick. There's some great cards coming up the next few fucking weeks. Yeah. August, July. Junior Dos Santos and Frank Mir is going to be nuts. I was going to ask you, Jim. Remember the Salvia guy that was

the crazy MMA guy that was always talking about not Salvia but Stevia oh yeah I know that whole story yeah I don't know probably shouldn't talk about it yeah don't give him any attention something's wrong with him so what do you think about this card baby let's break it down

I'm very excited for you sorry I can't go yeah I wish you could go it'd be fun I want to watch one with you guys we got to go to a strike force card next time is a big strike force fight did you see uh the last one did you see josh barnett what a fight both guys broke their hands in the first round too i heard cormier looked very good it's a beast he's a beast kicks he He launched Josh Barnett into the air, too. Josh Barnett is a big boy. He's a big boy. Daniel Cormier hoisted him up and, woo, boom, threw him for a ride,

controlled him on top, smashed him, cut him up with elbows. And he's only had, like, I think that was his fifth MMA fight. I mean, it's amazing. Daniel Cormier is a motherfucker. How long has the Babyface Assassin been around? He's been around forever. He was one of the youngest UFC champs. He won, I don't know how old he was when he won the title,

but I remember he beat Randy Couture, and then there was some sort of a dispute with the UFC management, and UFC didn't get along, and he left. And then he started fighting overseas, and he fought in Pride, and then he came back and became part of the Strikeforce tournament. He's been around forever. That guy's fought everybody. He's fought Minotauro.

He's fought Crow Cop twice. He's fought a lot of fucking dudes. I just thought his experience would really shine through. Cormier's a motherfucker, man. Well, you know, though, Josh Barnett broke his hand in the first round, and so did Cormier. They both broke their hand in the first round. So, you know, who knows how a rematch would go.

But Cormier won that fight with his wrestling. He won that fight with his striking. I mean, he's just a motherfucker, dude. And he's not been doing it that long. He's badass, man. I'm really impressed. He head kicked Josh Barnett dude. And he's not been doing it that long. He's badass, man. I'm really impressed. He head kicked Josh Barnett twice. That's right.

And Josh Barnett couldn't take him down. No one's been able to take him down in a UFC match. I mean, he's such a high-level wrestler. It's going to take a fucking beast to take that guy down. And so you've got to stand with him. And he's really quick, man. And he's not a tall guy, but he's, like, compact and explosive. You know, and all the years of wrestling, the high-level wrestling,

I think the mental toughness that those guys gain from being high school, yeah, competitive amateur wrestlers. And those are different animals, man. Those are different animals. Those guys are tough on a whole different level. They're like, in my opinion, maybe all like,

you look at just the percentage, that might be the toughest group of human beings on Earth. Just the toughest, mentally toughest is amateur wrestlers. It really might be. They're fucking animals, man. Those guys, some of the shit those guys go through, and they do it dehydrated and malnourished,

and they're out there like fucking animals. You know what's crazy, Joe? You took me to the UFC in Jersey, and here's all these MMA fighters in the audience in attendance, but everybody kept looking at that Penn State fucking wrestling team, and everybody kept looking at that coach. More people went up to shake that motherfucker's hand. I heard more people going,

look who it is. What's his name? The coach of Penn State that's the best wrestler in the world. Kale Sanderson? Kale Sanderson was at the fight right in the row behind me. He's wrestling again. I don't know if it's the same guy we're thinking about. Who do they say is the best

white wrestler in the world. Yeah, he's an amazing wrestler. Not a fucking intriguing guy either. Not something that you're like, oh, I'm not going to mess with him. He was sitting behind us with the team. And everybody who walked by had to say, oh, my God, there's Chael Sanderson or Kale Sanderson. Oh, my God. Like, everybody was fucking like in awe of this guy.

And that was when we threw the guy out. And then the guy that was with him said to me, Joey Corrado, we got your back. That's when it all went down because the guy was yelling. But everybody was looking at that guy like he was a fucking killer that day. And, I mean, from Fitch to Guida, everybody was there, standing there, you know? Yeah, he's the coach of Penn State. Yeah. Yeah, that's Kale Sanderson.

Kale Sanderson. Yeah, he's a coach of Penn State. Yeah, that's Kale Sanderson. Yeah, he's a beast. It's crazy. The people that he was wrestling with, teaching in college, they're the ones who encouraged him to compete again. He still physically got it. He just stopped competing. I just think that high a level, like when you're at that high a level in any sport,

whether it's wrestling or anything, boxing, when you get to that level, it's so hard to maintain that kind of pace. It's so hard to just live your life like that where you're constantly competing. When I was a kid, I seen a high school wrestler. By the way, your fucking voice is just creeping me out. Was that you or him? When I was a kid, I seen one of the best fights ever. I seen a high school decorated wrestler fight this kid that was a scrappy fighter. Everybody knew.

And, dog, two minutes in, he got his hooks in this motherfucker. It was in front of a VFW. You know how they always have an American flag with a pole and a little fence? He picked him up and threw him over the fucking fence, dog. Oh, no. The striker didn't know. He just landed on his head and just stood there like, what am I going to do? Oh, my God. I'm not going to get back

up and fight this fucking monster. That's when I was like, wrestlers got something. They got that core strength. They've been working it since they were young. Some of these guys with the bent ears and shit, they ain't got no time to fuck around, man. They'll take you the fuck down. It has made a difference in MMA that I've seen. I don't know

much about it. I watch a little bit of Pride, but in the UFC, you've seen these wrestlers. It makes about it. I watch a little bit of Pride. But in the UFC, you've seen these wrestlers. It makes a big impact. Judo guys and wrestlers. Those are the two toughest to deal with. But the thing about, you know, and both of them, you know, especially when it comes to international competition,

they both have to deal with some pretty fucking stiff and crazy competition. You know, but judo, internationally especially, is, you know, really popular popular it's a really popular sport in a lot of different countries but wrestling there's something about wrestlers man that that what they have to go through their mind becomes capable of pulling shit off that other where other people wouldn't push hard enough they would they would just they would back off before the the wrestler does you know these guys redlining man they they know how to redline their brain, their body. Some of the most savage fighters of all time. Dan Henderson,

Randy Couture, go through the lineup. Matt Hughes. Think about all the different guys that started off. Koscheck. All the different guys that started off. Hendricks. Rashad. Rashad. Yeah, absolutely. John Fitch was a captain at Purdue.

The Lester's. And it takes a while for their hands to catch up with everything else. But some guys pick it right up. Griffin. What's his name? Fabulous Phil. The one who just fought Rashad before. Oh, Phil Davis.

Phil Davis. I'm sorry. Yeah. Fabulous, whatever they call him. Mr. Wonderful. Mr. Wonderful. It's just. You know, a lot of.

Even Eddie always said that. You better get ready for these wrestlers and learn how to fight off your back. Because these wrestlers are going to fucking take you down, you know? There's so many guys that become successful. Have you ever gone to this Japanese cultural center in Hollywood? No, what is it? Close to Eddie's. It's a couple blocks from the old legends.

The one on Vermont, the one that just moved. The cultural center, it's like where the Japanese go to practice judo in town. And it's real dirt cheap. It's hardwood floors. It's all old school. Some people go, sign up one time and get the fuck out of there because it's very traditional. And I think they only do

two classes a week, but it's going on down there. All these other things like Aikido and La Brea with the swords and shit. I'm talking about down and they've been there since 1940-something. Is there still an Aikido school in Hollywood? No, they moved to Burbank, and then they moved again. I drive by on Magnolia, and I see them. Everything is in Burbank.

Any style that you want is in Burbank. There's a lot of Burbank. Martial arts. I went to see Eddie's. I went to Burbank last night yeah i had to go outside swung by eddie's i counted six karate schools kickboxing uh the kickball who's the other guy that we all fabulous benny benny the jet has his school i mean burbank they have the martial arts hall of fame benny the jets in burbank now the jets in burbank man they got a

new king kickboxing school they got two Gracie Barrers. When I used to... When I first moved here, man, I used to go to his place in Van Nuys. He would have all these gangbangers that they would give free classes to and let them work out. And you'd be like taking kickboxing classes with these

fucking gangbangers, man. There were parts of it that were kind of creepy and a lot of people were complaining about it because there was, like, a few problems. But I remember this one dude came in, and he had a tattoo on his back that looked like you drew it, you know, and it said whatever the... It was, like, Vatas or something like that.

Fuck the rest. And he had it tattooed on his back. Wow. I mean, it looked like you did it or like anybody did. Like, I gave you a tattoo gun for the first time and said, well just see what you can do. And I was thinking like, this is not a guy you want to punch in the face. This is not a guy who has a lot to lose.

Like you know, this is Mike, I might want to just keep my hands up and stick a move. Mike might want to just get in your car and get the fuck out of here. Yeah, well there was, there was, he had, there was you car and get the fuck out. Yeah, well, there was Benny the Jet and then I think he had family members that would also teach there too. I forget the whole history of it, so I don't want to talk about it, but they would let a lot of gangbangers

go there. It was a big culture shock thing coming from New York and then moving here and then taking kickboxing with gangbangers. All right, fuck that. Remember that bug we were talking about earlier that is killing all these trees? It's called an emerald ash borer. And look at that.

It looks like a cricket at a disco. I mean, it's scary looking. It looks high-tech. It looks like a robot cricket. Yeah, it's like a Nissan GTR bug. Look at that thing. Ew. And that thing. Ew. And that thing does...

That's the thing that just goes into trees and fucking lays a bunch of eggs in trees that destroys the trees, and then those things hatch and become more of these... It's like a fucking army of tree killers. That's so fucking nutty, man. Yeah. It's so weird.

So what do we have to do? Bring over, like, Komodo dragons and eat these fucking things? Doesn't that look like alien technology? Dude, no, you live in California. Mind your fucking business. It's got nothing to do with you you know what's going to happen what are you gonna do come on this has been going on for years we started with termites what do you expect termites weren't from here we're termites whatever i'm just

saying this started years ago with termites they eat trees they eat the roots yeah but new to you but it is new when you have an invasive species and please they've been very very waiting when they would bring them weed into Miami. What do you think was coming in those fucking bags? Lice. What do you think was just weed? Lice and fucking bugs and palmetto bugs and snakes. What do you think was coming in those fucking shipments?

Yeah. You know, big nine-foot fucking cobra got in from some fucking Colombian jungle. You think this? And they got dicks and they look for ears. And they all these fucking creatures. It's 2013. You're going to have a new fucking creature every week. And I'm about to smoke my little vapor.

So get the fuck out of here. I got master motherfucking cush this week. You know what I'm saying? I was smoking this shit on the plane. Oh, it's tremendous. You know what's so funny? He was smoking it on the plane next to an old lady. Did we talk about this yesterday?

No. And I'm like, wow, that's crazy. I guess you can probably do it. It's not against the law to do those things. You know, vapor, if it was like an electronic cigarette, I guess. But then he did it in a car when we were driving to Pittsburgh. And he just starts hitting it and all the windows are up. And immediately I smelled weed. And I'm like, if you did that on the plane, everybody smelled that.

It does smell like weed still. Because on the plane, they have a suction thing, right? Yeah, you had that suction thing. If you blow it, it'll have a vacuum of air. So when you blow it over your shoulder to the window... That's too dangerous. You gotta do it to the left. But I was smoking on two different

flights, and nobody smells nothing. There's a thing about pot smoke, man, that when you're smoking it doesn't smell like anything. It's the weirdest thing. I know. It's just like cigarettes. Yeah, I bet it is.

You don't smell the smoke on your own body. Well, that's a weird thing that they say about smells, that olfactory senses, they only detect changes. So, like, you can get used to a stinky town. That's how people live if they live, like, someplace that has, like... Like a paper mill or something like that. Yeah, that could do it. Or, I um i think slaughterhouses that's a real problem cow poop yeah cow yeah if you pass like pastures and cows are shitting all over the place and just stinks horribly i'm fucked up they shit so much you just shit everywhere oh yeah you drive by it's just

shit you're smelling and shit yeah i go to my mom's house. I have to go by a good half mile where the whole air is just shit smell. It smells like a thousand poops. That's nature telling you that this is dirty. You don't want to eat anything anywhere near this. That's like a big warning sign. That's why shit smells terrible. Right? I don't fucking know.

What do you want? I don't think you should smoke that thing on a plane and I'm gonna make you promise that you're not gonna do that from now on and he got caught with it at an airport he did so the cop over they gave it right back to me and I was puffing all the way to gate number three like a doctor so what did you say it was when they asked you oh didn't even ask how's that one for you didn't even ask they just looked at it they wanted to know if it was like some sort of a Gene Simmons bomb from one of those movies such a thing alive give me the bonus fuck the bonus they pull the thing in his fucking mouth. Give me the bonus. Fuck the bonus. And they pull the thing and he's like,

ah, I still got that on my thing just for that scene. The movie's horrible but that scene is fucking classic. Listen, man. How many movies

did Gene Simmons do? I don't know. Why? I know he played that and I seen him on an episode of Miami Vice one time. That's it. I never seen him

but he's probably done a bunch of fucking movies. He was on an episode of Miami Vice? Yeah. He played like a drug dealer or something. Miami Vice changed the fucking game. Dudes started wearing blazers and no socks.

They started wearing loafers with no socks. Why? Because that's what they wore on Miami Vice. Wanted to be like you're in Miami. Dudes started buying white cars. Who the fuck bought a white car before 1980? There's no white cars. Get out of here with your stupid

fucking white car. How many white Corvettes do you see? There's like 10 of them ever made. White seems... White's only for like Honda Accords or something. They saw that white Testarossa. They were like, oh shit. Did you see Will Smith? White wheels too? Did you see Will Smith

slap that dude? Yeah. That's crazy. And then he lied. He's like, try to kiss me in the mouth. I'm like, hey, we can all see the video. He didn't try to kiss you in the mouth. He kissed his face a few times. He might have been trying to kiss him in the mouth. It might have been like some pulling or pushing. Yeah, you're right. I didn't think about that. I don't like people touching me. I don't like that either.

Will Smith could have bad slapped him. He barely touched him. He just went like this to the guy's face. And everybody's saying that it was like some assault. Oh, my God. Get out of here. It's like always at publicity events, at the longest yard thing, somebody said something to fucking Burt Reynolds,

and Burt Reynolds pushed him. Listen, he's 66 years old. He was just trying to get publicity for the fucking movie. You know what I'm saying? Probably not even. It's probably just ego. The guy came over and said something

and Burt Reynolds was like, did you see the original one? Guy goes, no, Burt Reynolds smacked him. Really? Really? Whoa.

Is that online? Is that a video of that? I don't fucking know. Oh, you gotta see. Burt Reynolds smacks guy. Burt Reynolds smacked the fucker. Burt Reynolds is one of those guys

where I look at him and I kind of feel bad, you know, and I see like his face all stretched out. Like when I was a kid, I looked at Burt Reynolds and I'm like, know and I see like his face all stretched out like when I was a kid I looked at Burt Reynolds and I'm like that guy's the shit like I remember like smoking the bandit

he's always smiling that's what I would always think like this guy looks like he's always having a great time he did have a good time until he married Lonnie Anderson and that bitch shut him down and left him with pills and he was fucking but dog you watch him even in the longest yard to be any other longest yard he goes in he beats the yard, the beginning of the longest yard. He goes in.

He beats the bitch. Beats the bitch. Watch the movie. He gets in the car, and what fucking song does he get on when he turns it on? What? Saturday Night Special. Let it skin it. Watch it.

He's so fucking. He's got a velour jacket on with fucking patches on his thing. He looks like the guy that played Superfly. That's what he looks like in that movie. He smacks her. He's laying in bed. She's giving him a hard time. He smacks her.

He takes her fucking car. Saturday night special. Drives and cuts off cops. Takes it to the ocean and dumps it into the ocean and goes to the bar. And they come get him at the bar. And they start fucking around.

He beats the one cop up and they take him to burt reynolds was the shit here's this here's the video i think burt reynolds apparently got a little slap happy last night hitting a cbs producer at a movie premiere in chelsea and we're the only ones with the video cbs who's michael pomerantz here now with the uh blow my blow michael maurice reynolds attending the premier of his new film really a remake of his old film the longest yard when either in jest or anger depending on who you believe reynolds slapped the cbs employee who was asking the star about that movie and today cbs news says it is looking into the matter you judge for

yourself Well, you don't know anything about the man? Well, then what the f*** is he asking? What's your point? You see the register? I have a question. What kind of guy is this? This guy's never seen me in the f***ing register. He asked me to tell him about it. He's standing here in a shirt that he's ironing.

A man who works for CBS. I'm just embarrassed. I like the guy. He's a nice guy. He's a tough guy. Man, I can't listen to this. I know. What's up with the audio? Let me tell you something, my friend. The audio is hard. These guys, none of these little producers, nobody knows a smack like the dude who got smacked on 2020 by the wrestler.

Oh, yeah. That was a smack. Oh, yeah. It's a punk with that little backhand he gave the dude. That wrestler, when he fucking smacked, what's his name, Tom Stossel? Something like that. John Stossel. John Stossel.

He smacked him. That boy got up. He ruptured his eardrum. He fucking smacked him with a hand bigger than mine. That was a smack. Fucking Will Smith giving this guy a fucking love that. All Will Smith did was gently touch the guy with his fingers on his face. Anybody who calls what Will Smith did a slap, he gently did this to the guy's face.

It was like so non-aggressive. Yeah, this guy's a fucking huge dude, too. He ain't in it because it's a tough business. That's terrific. Wait, is that all you got? I'll ask you the standard question. You know? Standard question. I think this is fake. You think it's fake? There you go. What's is that all you got? I'll ask you the standard question. You know? Standard question.

I think this is fake. You think it's fake? There you go. What's that? Is that fake? Huh? What the hell's wrong with you? That's open hand slap, huh?

You think it's fake? You think it's fake? Damn. Huh? What do you mean? Hey! What the hell is the matter? That's fucking real, guys.

That dude cuffed him. That's fucking real right there. That's fucked up. That dude cuffed him. That's a real right there. That dude cuffed him. That's a guy not getting paid enough to do his job. Well, you know, it's also the way he said it was very arrogant, like he was going to be safe. I think it's fake.

You know, saying it's fake, duh. Fucking duh. Everyone knows it's fake. It's obviously planned out in advance. But to say it's not a tough job, you're crazy. Those guys are always busted up. Do you remember when they did the expose on wrestling? Pain stuff? What? Do you remember when they did the

expose on wrestling on 2020 and they showed us all the tricks? How they would take the razor blade and cut your forehead? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And make it bleed. That was a great expose. A lot of people didn't know about that shit. Imagine they did that. They used to cut their own head. And I knew about it because one of the training schools in New Jersey.

So when I was going to grammar school, one of the teachers kept telling me, if you're good guys, we'll take you to the wrestling. I know, Chief J. Strombo, whatever. It's all fake and shit. When I found out wrestling was fake in the fourth grade, I was pissed for about ten minutes. I went to El Tapatio the other day, and they had the Mexican wrestling on.

Those dudes have some fucking dope moves man about the outfits oh the outfits are outstanding they had dudes with like long conan hair no one looks like they've ever even heard of steroids it's so weird because steroids are legal in mexico and these dudes are like regular looking dudes but they had some crazy moves i was like really impressed like jumping the air, wrapping their legs around the dude's neck and flipping the dude through the air. They did some nutty shit that was like, wow, that is acrobatic. If you can't

appreciate that, I mean, obviously it is theater, but there's a physicality to it. It's very disrespectful to call it fake. It's not fake. Especially in that little attitude he did, that little sass he did. Yeah, yeah. He said it to a guy without any fear of his own safety, being protected, he thought, by a camera and reality.

The media wasn't shit then, my friend. Yeah. The media wasn't what it was today. The media wasn't shit. They were just somebody who was taking up your fucking time. He just didn't have to be cunty about it. If he communicated with the guy and asked him, are there predetermined outcomes? That's what he should have said. Instead of saying the way he did it, I'll steal the standard question.

Is it fake? It looks fake to me. Wow. You're pawing at a lion. Look at the size of that guy. You don't feel uncomfortable with that? This guy's all sweaty and hyped up from a fucking wrestling match where they always get kneed in the head

and fucking kicked in the head accidentally and punched in the head. You see some of the shit they do where they do flying sidekicks and hit each other in the head. They hit each other in the fucking head, man. There's a lot of times they're actually hitting each other. Even if it's choreographed, it's not precise. It's not pretty.

Hard way to make a living, man. What's funny, when I went to Miami at the end of April, that week was also WrestleMania. So all these old-timers are in Miami. So every radio show I went to do that week had an old-time wrestler. I was talking about it. And it was very interesting to see that. Believe it or not, these guys still have followings.

Oh, I believe it. They still have followings. They do all those things that they show you in the wrestler where people come and sign T-shirts and talk about 1981. I wonder where Jimmy the Superfly Snooker is. Do you remember the ultimate warrior who used to live in Boulder in his heyday? Did he?

He was up in Boulder shooting fucking banana juice. Snapping Slim Jims. This motherfucker had. Shooting banana juice. I remember one time seeing him at the puddle car wash. At that time, nobody had a 7 BMW in the early 80s. I don't even think they made them when he had them. Just because he had a fit one.

And I'll never forget, it was off-season or something. He got out of that fucking car, Joe. And he had a vein that was a cord. I don't have to lie to nobody. Go look at fucking the Ultimate Warrior. He's a giant dude. But his veins, his biceps were some of the biggest, most. That was a bicep.

But he had a vein out here that lifted three-quarters of an inch from his arm. I seen it. I looked at it, stared at it, and was like, let me see how far. His vein and his bicep went up three quarters of an inch off the skin. Yeah, there's a lot of people who don't realize how big those guys are. That do. Let me see if you've got an Ultimate Warrior shot for me. I saw Hulk Hogan the first time when I was in Hollywood.

It was right outside of, before I met him, I met him at UFC, and I had the honor of interviewing him once. Right, right. It was fun because I got to, like, talk, like, get excited about pro wrestling with him, you know, and, like, pump it up. He's fucking great, man. He's great. That guy's got a lot of pain, though. I mean, he's gone through, you ever see, like, all the operations that guy's gotten through?

Holy shit. That's the ultimate warrior? That's the ultimate warrior. And how tall is that dude? He's, like, 6'3 or some shit. Don't focus on his dick, Brian. No, he's looking at his own shirt. He's busting through his own shirt, but in a heart.

This guy's crazy, though. Why does he have a heart? I think it's just Europe. He's got a lot of colors on. Is this Richard Simmons? Look at his face. This is Richard Simmons. Isn't it crazy that they decide to paint their face up? europe and he's got a lot of colors on is this richard simmons look at his face this is richard simmons isn't it crazy that they decide to like paint their face up yeah and the outfit with the

suspenders whatever the fuck they are look at his arms this guy was pretty yoked him and the barbarian brothers i remember seeing when i was a kid those two guys they were in the flamingo kid i don't know what happened to those guys isn't face paint like war paint a strange thing the idea that you know you're gonna you're gonna doll your face up to make yourself look meaner when you go to battle. Like, that's going to matter. The ritual of rubbing shit on your face and put your war mask on before you go into battle. Like, where the fuck did that ever come from? Like, does it make someone extra scary if they got black stuff all over their face?

But are you talking about in the street? No, like Indians. American Indians. And I'm talking about different people that have put war paint on over the years. War paint for the American Indians symbolized something. Remember Braveheart? He put fucking shit all over his face. Yeah, it symbolized something. But like

if you're in the Green Beret and you gotta go paint your face green, it's a different thing. But still, it must put you there. Yeah. The ritual, right? It must let you know that it's time to fucking rock. It's time to get crazy.

It's got to get you. That's how you probably get fired up, by putting the makeup on the one day. Do you guys remember this? So, what do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? You boys a bit bored? Snap me to it!

Snap me to a Slim Jim! Tend to the spice! Make me juicy taste! Hey, noise! And teeth! Snap me to it! Need a little excitement? Snap me to a Slim Jim! for those that didn't watch this but rather listen to this podcast that might be one of the most retired things i've ever seen in my life it's a big giant

roided up dude handing out slim jams is he still alive is that guy still alive it's deca de roblin like a motherfucker is he still alive before Is that guy still alive? That's Deca de Roblin like a motherfucker. Is he still alive? Before they figure out the test? Wow, I wonder what he looks like now. Let's find out. I just typed in Slim Jim. That guy's fucking huge. What a strange ad.

What is it supposed to be? Snap into a Slim Jim. And why are you so angry, sir? What's going on here? You're fucking going nutty, screaming and flexing. Snap into a Slim Jim. The kid bites bites into it he flies out of his shoes like what the kind of physics are we dealing with here what is what kind of who who greenlit that commercial i think the ultimate warrior has a blog now oh he does yeah well how fun would it be just to start shooting steroids

and not stop just get crazy crazy and go Hulk style? Just one day go, you know what? I'm going to start fucking eating them, and I'm not even doing cycles. Well, I think if you look at those guys who have done that, it is possible to stay alive. Look at the guys who were big-time professional bodybuilders. They're still out there. They get off the shit, and their body shrinks down to normal size. I want to know what Tom Platz's legs looked like today.

That's what you got to find. That's what we got to find. That's a good question. I want to know what Tom Platz looks like today. I want to know. I mean, we all know what Arnold looked like. Listen, bro, the first time you seen, what was the movie, Pumping Iron? Arnold was the shit.

You can say whatever the fuck. Arnold and Franco Columba, that little fucking Italian with that back from here to here from fucking laying brick and block all his life. He's like, I'd get a big block. Get the fuck out of here. Your whole family tree laid fucking 12 inch block. He probably built everything in fucking Italy. Look at you, you little fuck. He was yoked.

He was yoked. He was a strong dude. Isn't it funny that you said Tom Platz and we both know that that guy was associated with having giant legs. It's like he's synonymous. I remember his leg workout. Isn't that incredible, though? There's no other guy that has like that.

No, not like that. Like they're synonymous with one body part. Striations, muscles and striations. Legs. His legs were giant. You know, Earl Campbell had big legs, but Tom Platz had just ripped. I'm sorry. They were giant just rest you find

the picture there was so big legs just to show what's his name Tom Platt's PLATZ he was like 1880 if you can cuz that's what he was a king his upper body was big I mean he was a shoe yeah nothing like his legs his legs were they shooting in their legs look at that look Look at that. Look at his jaw. Look at his legs. Look at his fucking jaw. His jaw is juice. He's got muscle.

That guy would crack a fucking Ari Peanuts. Look at him. Look at his legs. Look at this. This is 1980. Look at his cheeks. Back up again. Oh, my God.

Look at his legs are the freakiest thing, though. Look how much they stand out from the rest of his body. That's insane. It's like somebody opened up his legs and stuck a whole basketball in there. He's got a basketball in each leg. Look at the fucking size of those things. They're crazy. That is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life.

Ever. Ever. That was 1980. He has a waist for each thigh. That's insane. Look at the veins going through the fucking leg. What the fuck are they shooting? And he has no balls whatsoever.

No, no. They fucking went into his legs. Yeah. When you look, when they get to this size, they're so juiced to the gills, their balls are shut down. They just tapped. They just tapped. Their balls are shut.

Look at the size of him. My God, he was enormous. I gotta find what he looks like today. Jesus Christ. Hi, guys. Look at the fucking size of his legs. That's insane. You ever see anything like that?

Oh, my God. That's like from another animal. It's like he took some meat off of a horse and put it onto his body. I remember he used to try to sell leg workouts. You're like, Tom, stop it. No one wants to have legs like yours. No, Tom, that's number one. Number two was no fucking running up hills that got you that shit.

Not only that, it's also a genetic issue. He must have crazy genetics. That's what it looks like, one of those myostatin inhibitor-issued dogs. See if we can find the picture. Look at Robbie Robinson. Look at the black guy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ. Look at Robbie Robinson. Look at the black guy. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Jesus fucking Christ. Look at Robbie Robinson. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at this. There's a photo.

We're looking at a photo of his back, ladies and gentlemen, and it doesn't even look possible. It doesn't look possible. It looks like if you were going to like a cartoon on what a you know a bodybuilder would look like you know like if you were if you were drawing it for south park or something just it can't even be real isn't it crazy though that that's what happens when you you do shit like try to have competitions where you see who has the best body and the biggest muscles. Like standards sort of change. And then just like fake tits, the standard becomes the unnatural, unachievable, without drugs look.

But what's crazy about this, Joe, is I thought that weightlifting and steroids and recovery and everything has excelled so much in 30 years. That had to be 1982 when Tom Plantz took that picture. Right. That's 30 fucking years ago. You know be 1982 when Tom Plant took that picture. That's 30 fucking years ago. You know what? Look at that picture. He looks

great. He's got no pants on and he's flexing his legs. That's cartoon legs, man. That is cartoon legs. It's so cartoonish. It's crazy. He has extra muscles in his legs. And he became famous for it, too.

So that became the thing he concentrated on. If you keep hearing that sucking in the background, that's Joey Diaz. He's using some device. He's using it right into the microphone. Eureka Vaprin like a motherfucking Joe Rogan. That's amazing, that Tom Platt's guy. That's amazing. That's shocking. It's amazing. That's shocking.

It's amazing what a person can do. The way you can change your body. Just sticking some stuff in there and do a fuckload of squats. Yeah, brother. What are you doing, Joey Diaz? You tweeting? No, no, no. Answering text messages?

My wife. My wife. I have my wife. I have my wife. Brian, do you think you would ever be willing to get on a bodybuilding program and do roids for like a TV show? No, but I'm supposed to Saturday go to Richard Simmons and do his class. His class? I'm doing it just because I think it will be funny.

Oh, it will be amazing. Where are you going to do his class? I think it's in Santa Monica. Shit, I want to do his class. Do you want to? I want to. I have I think it'll be funny. Oh, it'll be amazing. Where are you going to do his class? I think it's in Santa Monica. Shit, I want to do his class. Do you want to? I want to. I have to do the UFC, though. What class is that?

Saturday is the UFC. It's like sweating to the 2000s or something. How often is he there? How often is he there? I think he does it like every week. Really? Yeah. Who teaches it?

Richard Simmons. And you fucking work out with Richard Simmons and all these really old ladies and gay guys and we're gonna make it happen let's work out with Richard Simmons I am excited I mean look

either way it's you'd be amazed it's a good workout like if you try to do sweat into the oldies and you actually kept it's like a nice little workout

yeah you know when I left the Y I think if I get really baked it's gonna be the best thing I've ever done how much do you think it'll cost I think it's like 60 bucks

hmm that's worth it when I left the Y today they were going to be the best thing I've ever done. How much do they cost? I think it's like 60 bucks. Hmm. That's worth it. When I left the Y today, they were doing, what's the country line thing? Country line? Country line aerobics. Bunch of fucking big rednecks in there fucking doing it. Doing aerobics? Like country line dancing mixed with aerobics.

It's like fucking Zumba. So line dancing. Line dancing mixed with aerobics. It's amazing what people do for jump up and down. I tell you what, I'm really digging that Mike Dolce book, bro. Yeah? Are you really? I'm really.

I love. I always said to myself, why do people go to Hawaii on a fucking treadmill where you can walk around North Hollywood Park and get some vitamin D and really sweat? Then I read his book, and like I told you on the plane, the diet stuff is hard for me because I don't like a lot of vegetables, but the fucking workouts, you know, the beginner treadmill workout is sensational. I can't do the full speed yet, but I'm doing it. You know, I'm doing it. He's coming on the podcast soon. Yeah, please.

I think it's going to be the weekend for the UFC. He's fucking great. He really is. That book has really helped me a lot. I'm understanding. I can't do a lot of shit because of my knee, but he's got great basic exercises. And I, you know, when I was really skinny, that's how I got size by doing those strength things. So I know where he's coming from. I mean, in this book, he talks about how he went up in a bunch of weight, then he lost it just to prove his point,

that strength. So I understand what he's saying. So I really enjoy the one book. I have the one, I'm going to get the other one. I couldn't find it. You can order all three of them in the t-shirt and it's not a bad deal. I just couldn't find that particular thing so I ordered it on Amazon. I think he's actually doing a podcast next week. Yeah, he's fucking great. I think he's going to do it. Please, people have

questions for him and shit because his book is really helping me a lot of things. We got a lot of podcasts next week, dude. We got Dolce. We got Bass Nectar. I got to get back with that dude. And we got Bobcat Goldthwait. And we got Shane Smith.

Dude, we're becoming like a television show. Hopefully we don't run out of shit to talk about. I'll tell you what, man. I went to Adam Carolla's place yesterday. And first of all, we need more employees. Because he has 10. Right. And second of all, I got mad podcast studio envy.

His fucking setup is so sweet. Adam Carolla is a savage. He builds his own shit. He built his own broadcast desk. He's a man, man. He's a man, man. He's a fucking construction worker fella. Yeah.

He was out there. He wired everything so it all goes under the floor and it comes out through the legs of the table. The wires go through the legs of the table so there's no wires exposed and the whole thing is set up. It's really fucking sweet. It's really sweet. It's got cameras, like high-def cameras facing everybody and they're all controlled in remote control. It's got like a little broadcast booth. I mean, it's amazing what he's done.

You go over there and you get mad podcast studio envy. Yeah. He took it to the next level. He's making it happen. We got to follow that. Did you have a nice time? Did you have a nice show? Oh, he was great.

He's a great guy. What did you guys talk about? The girl, Alison Rosen, is very funny too. Oh yeah. She's a little sidekick. She's cute.

She's hilarious. What did we talk about? Everything. Cool. Talked about pussy. What did we talk about? Everything. You know. Shit. Cool. Talked about pussy. Yeah.

Talked about... It was all these, like, you know, like the hottest chicks in the world. Like, they had something where they, like, you know, they were debating whether or not women belonged to the hottest chicks in the world. Me and him have a very different taste. Like, he was talking about Olivia Munn, you know. Olivia Munn is hot as fuck. Beautiful.

Okay, right? Right? That's about as hot as you can get. Right. I agree. Okay. But he was like, gosh, I've been to as fuck. That's about as hot as you can get. I agree. But he was like, I've been to her house. She's not really that. She's got smelly feet. Some girls walk into a room

and everything just stops. And you just want to talk to them. That Olivia Munn's not like that. Really? That's crazy talk. Whatever, son. Olivia Mun mom is on my top five and she came out of nowhere you know like i liked her on with like kevin perera on that show whatever attack of the show but i never but then i fell in love with her and then she left the fucking show now joey hit that shit off mike let me tell

you something i had a great time in fucking col last week. And in Cleveland, I just want to say it before I forget. In Pittsburgh, I really did. Yeah, me too. That fucking Columbus, man. There were some crazy motherfuckers there. Izzy Rock, Jason, Justin, the guy that made us the fucking edibles. I still got some fucking candy left at the house. You know, fucking Cleveland

was crazy. We're outside. That garage shop is a cool fucking spot, man. That's a cool fucking spot if you don't want to perform at the Improv. We got nothing against the Improv. But that grog shop is a cool spot in a cool part of town. You know, Pittsburgh, it was an honor to go to fucking Pittsburgh. But, man, has the economy destroyed those little cities, man. Really?

The bar we were at is only open when there's a Pittsburgh Pirate game or a football game and it's across the street from the stadium it's called Mullins they were fucking great the barbecue sandwich was great and the guy was telling me that it's just people don't go to that side of town no more like people you know this is not a seven-night-a-week industry no more people going out and in Pittsburgh they go out to watch the games they get fucked up and they go there and you know I've been going to Pittsburgh for 30 years it's it's amazing that you look go to these cities and you see these people and you say to yourself what's next for these people I mean this is the real core it's so funny how I was losing I was hating doing comedy in LA and it transpired

for me like I was starting to hate to do comedy. And it was because I was doing too much comedy in L.A., Joe. I wasn't doing comedy for real people. I was forgetting what I was doing comedy for. When you're in L.A. a long time, like I was and we are, we don't travel like normal headliners. They go out every week. When I'm in L.A., you're thinking about shit that you think in L.A. And you think there's going to be someone in the audience

or who's here with you or what you're saying. when you're on the road and you're talking to people in the Midwest or in Texas they're fucking real you got to bring it a different way I can't bring it like LA way I got and that's what I like about going on the road again I really enjoy like people like do you really like going to Midwest no I went. I went there. I fucking love it. I love going to Iowa. I love going to all those spots like that once or twice a year just to remind you that it's not all the big city, man. We met some cool fucking people. Amazing. We've seen

some great properties, some great trees that spread out, no traffic. We got too much weed. Yeah, we got too much weed. You know, and it's hard to see these cities like they got nothing. And these are the people that are really voting and shit. Like, we don't really know the country's issues.

We see a thousand fucking cars and 20 weed stores and shit. And all the restaurants around here are fucking open. You know, when we went to Pittsburgh, dog, on a Saturday night, all those businesses were for lease. That's the truth. Those are the people that are really voting. Those are the people that are really voting. Those are the people that are really paying attention to what the fucking issues are.

Cleveland's rough, man. We went to Cleveland on the Maxim tour years ago, and I remember driving around the city going, wow, there's not a lot of hope in this city. There's not a lot going on here. But the people are bad motherfuckers. They just got so much to work with. Ohio's got a lot of good people. Yeah, no, no, no. Ohio's always, man. When I used to work for

the sports betting service, they were the biggest collection of gamblers. Really? Like, in my mind, no, no, no. Ohio's always, man. When I used to work for the sports betting service, they were the biggest collection of gamblers. Really? Like, in my mind, I'm like, all the sharpest guys in New York and Vegas, they wipe their ass. That whole Youngstown with the Hall of Famers, all that shit, that's big bookmaking.

Big. You know, you gotta remember one thing, guys. The worse the economy gets, the more bookmaking, prostitution gets bigger, and drug sales go amazing. That's why the mob and organized crime will never go away. They make more money when the economy's bad. When we had the Prohibition and the Great Depression, those mobsters were making money selling booze. People want to forget about their fucking problems. It really is.

The worse the economy is, the more money people have to take a gamble with. It's really weird to say. There's more gambling because people are desperate. So people are like, fuck it, I'll gamble more. I'll drink more. The only fucking things that do not get affected by the economy is crime. Think about it. Gambling does not get affected.

Vegas is still booming. Every week we hear, oh my God, we went to Vegas and there was nobody there. They keep building, aren't they? They're getting money from somewhere. Somebody's putting their bets

and it ain't me and you, but somebody's losing. Yeah, they're just banking on the fact that it's going to bounce back. And they stopped a lot of the building now. Yeah, they stopped a lot of it. I mean, everything. They were getting nutty for a while.

They just opened a casino in Vegas when we were there. Or, I mean, in Cleveland while we were there that weekend. And that's, like, another way for them to try to bounce back. Remember when Eva Langoria opened up, like, a spot? A restaurant. Didn't she open up, like, a nightclub or some shit? Yeah, a restaurant. It's still there.

I don't know if she owns it. You know, I don't drive by there. I'm a baso. Is that what it is? Baso on Hollywood Boulevard. No, no, no, no, no. This is in Vegas. Oh, Vegas.

I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. Yeah, she had like a club or something. Listen, bro, I never figured out somebody coming to you, Joe Rogan, and going, I'm going to open up a club. When you're in Vegas, come hang out. We'll give you a kickback. It's part of your club. You give whatever percent they want.

What's that called when you lend money and there's no guarantee? You know, you give a certain amount. And the club, I mean, how much do you make from that? You got 19 fucking partners. That's why I told you, I told you specifically, and I know you don't like this shit, but you really got to watch the pimp of Joe Namath. It's been out again on fucking HBO, the sports thing they did for an hour.

That motherfucker had it so bad in New York that he finally said, fuck it, we got to buy a bar. Like, they had to buy a bar. They got sick and tired of going out after games and spending money. Watch this documentary. It is brilliant. I watched it again the other day. They bought a bar in New York? Bought a bar in Midtown Manhattan.

His fucking slogan was, I like my woman blonde and I like my fucking scotch black. That was his shit. Dog, you got to watch this thing. And he's from this little town and he just went to New York, bro. I mean, he got married at like 42 because he had to. Like his knee was bad and shit. He couldn't sling dick like he had to. But he would have he got married at like 42 because he had to. Like his knee was bad and shit. He couldn't sling dick like he had to. But he would have never got married.

Like this guy was a fucking dick slinger. He was slinging so much dick that he had to buy a bar. Like to keep all his bitches in line. And then they took the bar from him. You got to watch the whole thing. What is it called? He hammered two other. CBS?

Is it CBS? Is that what you said? What, the bar? CBS? Is it CBS? What, the bar? No, the special. It's on HBO this month. It's on HBO. It's been on HBO for a couple months. What's it called? It's just called Name It.

Name It. And you're going to love it because you remember. It's not about football. It's about what this motherfucker, how crazy he was and how he was just a good old boy, but he owned New York, bro. He just owned it. He just had it by the balls. But then they fucked him. They said he had to close

the bar. They made him close the bar because they said he had too many weird people hanging out in there. Too many weird people? It's a bar. It's a bar. I know but he had too many fucking weird people. Watch this special. You're really going to like it.

People that live above bars. What a nutty way to live that is. Or people that live above, like, food. You know, like fast food. Like, you know that grease smell is just going to go right up. Or a Chinese restaurant living downstairs. There's something dangerous about it, though. You live on top of the bar when you're a fucking hokie. That's the only reason why you will live.

In Jersey, you see it. Or in New York, you see all those bars with two dwellings over it nobody decent lives over a bar they live over a bar because they know they're two minutes away no matter what happens I've only known a few people that lived like in midtown you know like when I was struggling

I only know a few people that where I got over their apartment and get to see like how they lived but like living in cities like new york where you get like like like studio apartments that's a weird life man it's weird you enter into a door you open the door you got like a little space it's like a tiny little sink and there's like a little hot plate you know like a lot of people they're they're they're living almost like in closets it's, it's like a big closet. Not even a big closet.

Brody Stevens just got his first refrigerator, and it's not even a full-size refrigerator. It's one of those small little refrigerators, and he's had one for, he didn't have one for like almost a year. Oh, my God. Bro, I remember I used to date this girl, Julie Novak, and she was a Kansas girl, and I met her in Colorado.

I follow home to the restaurants where I did comedy at. And she was, you know how you meet people like, I'm moving to New York, I'm gung-ho. She went to New York with her buddy. It was a childhood dream. She had to go to New York. She's from Kansas. They went to New York, and they moved to 15th Street,

up the block from Manhattan Honda. 15th, like in 9th Avenue there. They were paying $1,800 a month. This is 1994. It was just what you said. You open the door. It was a combination. One room.

$1,800 a month. $1,800. One room. A TV with a fireplace that didn't work. It was one room. And then you open the door and there was a little kitchen. And the bathroom was there. So when I had a fucker, the roommate was...

And she had a roommate. Oh. Because they couldn't afford the $1,800. She had a roommate. So she would have to sleep in the fucking living room and I would fuck her in the kitchen on the floor. Oh my god. And we couldn't fit your feet. Horrible. Horrible.

$1,800 a month just to fulfill her dream to live in fucking New York. Are you fucking crazy? What is that? Why is that dream so... People love that shit. I just want to go to New York. And then I get muggled. One minute you look up. that was a dream why is that dream so people love that shit I just want to go to New York and then I get then I get muggled

one minute you look up it's a beautiful day you look down your bags are gone you fucking momo but what is it about I guess there's something about

being able to tell people that you live that you live in Manhattan or you live in New York or whatever listen like I told it a thousand times you're gonna live in New York City

if you're not living like John Lennon in the Dakota go fuck your mother. You know what I'm saying? Go fuck yourself. I'm going to struggle and drive down. John Lennon lived at the motherfucking Dakota, and he walked around. And good, he got shot, whatever, but he walked around.

Good? No, no, what I'm saying is he got shot. He didn't have a bodyguard. He was just a regular guy. Yeah. He would walk through Central Park every day and get freshly squeezed orange juice and didn't give a fuck if it cost $12 or not because he's John Lennon. So the Dakota's like a really nice place.

Is that what it is? Where else are you going to live? Is that the nicest place? That topples everything. Really? That's not stoned over anything. Well, I live at the Plaza, bitch. I live at the motherfucking Dakota.

And my name is Tom Petty. What is like, is that like what it is like there? What is like a room? Go look it up. Dakota. What's the average property under Dakota? Because I think you have to buy the condo, and they got to be three, four million dollars,

which is really a fucking apartment. It's got to be more than that, right? I mean, I can't. I know he had two of them in there. You know, people who live in the Dakota, just like authors who get banked, that's the type of people. Everything around the Dakota is expensive. You know, if you live in the Dakotas because you fucking.

Wow, what a beautiful building. Oh, it's beautiful, dog. It's the shit. That's the only way to fucking do it if you're going to do it. It's incredible. I'm going to live in Bronx or Brooklyn or queens and drive in or take the a train fuck you i'm staying right there in the dakota right central park isn't it weird if you think about it what what that building is it's like a safe for rich people rich people it's like inside

that safe you crack that safe open there's a bunch of rich people in there i mean that's what it is and it's right there on the street where all the poor people can drive by and look at all the rich like inside there well all they have to do is say, well, you know what, though? You know, society is functional and there are police officers. So it's not feasible that we go in and just take all the stuff out of there. So we'll just leave it alone. But they know where the stuff is. The stuff is all in that room, that big box.

That's a big mousetrap of rich people. That's all it is. that's a that's a big mouse trap of rich people that's all that is it's a bank there's like little little pockets in that bank and inside that but you can get money and there's jewelry and there's expensive stuff all throughout that place well you can't get in there now but if the shit hits the fan yeah you can get in there get in there easy that's one of the first things they're going to get into you You think so? Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. When the shit hits the fan, why wouldn't you charge the Dakota? You know, the only thing that would fuck you up is bodyguards.

You know, how many dudes are rocking bodyguards? Probably a lot in that place. Yeah, they're rocking bodyguards. So you got a bunch of armed killers that are laying weight. They got machine guns on the roof and all that shit. But how long before they quit, too, and get the fuck out of there? After a couple of weeks, this place is abandoned. Well, see,

what does it cost to live there, Joe? Just, what's a property in the Dakota? Okay, I'll check out real estate. I wonder if it's even for sale. How much? I wonder if it's even for sale. Yeah,

they gotta be for sale. What are you talking about? Did you see that some guy in New York is selling his parking space for a million a month, a million a year? What? Did you see that? A million a year for a parking spot? a million a year. What? Did you see that?

A million a year for a parking spot? A million a year for a parking spot. People think about it. They're like, well, it's here, it's there, it's close by. I don't have to pay for fucking tickets. That's hilarious. Apartments for sale are the Dakota, New York City, Manhattan, condos. One of the most famous residence buildings In all of New York is the Dakota

It was a bold building when it was first developed Built so far north of the Pulse of the city at the time Citizens snickered and nicknamed it the Dakota A reference to the states Of North and South Dakota Which were very far away from New York City Isn't that funny?

They nicknamed it the Dakota because they thought it was too far away. Meanwhile, this crazy city is built up so much now it's actually in the heart of everything. Isn't that weird? That is weird. But New York City must have been way smaller back then, I guess. Yeah, it has to have been.

Yeah, I mean, it's a crazy place, man. Every time I go there, I fantasize about living there for short periods of time. But I never... I don't think I could do it. I would about living there for short periods of time. But I never... I don't think I can do it. I would freak out. I would have panic attacks.

It's too much. Too much. You got to realize that that is... You're getting interaction. You're definitely getting something off of those people. I don't know what it is, but I know there's a difference between the way I feel. When I'm standing on a mountain, and I look out I see fields and I see like clouds and I see, you know, birds flying overhead. There's a different feeling than when I'm on the 405.

When I'm on the 405, there's a hive of humanity and there's some residual effect that you get from all these people. There's a different feeling that you get when you're in a city. There's an awareness of humans. Collective stress. Yeah, there's something. It's like it's pheromonal whatever the fuck it is it's it's in the air man it's it's not is is not as simple and as innocuous as if you're not touching me you're not affecting me i think it's we're affected by our environment some strange way so that's why i don't think i could do in new york city when i was at my mom's house this weekend and she lives in the middle of nowhere, like just farms. Like across the street from her is a strawberry field.

And like it's just in the middle of nowhere. And at night when I was sitting in my car waiting to go inside her house, I was just like it was so quiet and so like the stars. And it was just like this is – I would not have any stress if I got to come home to this. Yeah, it's different. It's craziness. It's different.

You close your door, you hear cars driving by your street. You might hear your neighbor. You got wizards. Wizards are in the neighborhood. You realize how much unnecessary shit you have to deal with. How much unnecessary stuff is inside your head. What it's all about. It's all about

life is supposed to be about enjoyment, right? It's supposed to be about having a good time. It's not supposed to be about dealing with all this extracurricular nonsense. And we shouldn't have to have so many fucking people around us. We shouldn't be living here. This is silly.

Why live with us 20 million people do you see where you find it's really weird when you talk to somebody like somebody who lives in New York I'm trying to figure out a comic who lives in New York that they just fucking love it they couldn't imagine living somewhere else yeah some people love it you know me, I don't mind. Gaffigan lives there. He loves it. Who's that? Gaffigan.

He's got kids, too. And he lives there. You know, some people, they find a good place there. You know what? I saw a fucking crazy picture of Anderson Cooper. Anderson Cooper lives in a firehouse. Does he really? Yeah.

Like the Ghostbusters? It's a converted firehouse. Oh, dude. Yeah. How awesome is that? Yeah. Well, it was a stupid fucking thread on my board where people were talking about Anderson Cooper being gay. Like, who gives a fuck if he's gay?

Who cares? Unless you want to fuck him or he's trying to fuck you. What do you care? Can you imagine bringing a girl home and, like, I'll be right down and, like, coming down, like, on a fire pool with a bottle of champagne? Yeah, there's images for it. I guess you can see the actual place. of champagne. Yeah, there's images for it. I guess you can see the actual place.

That would be the ultimate podcast studio, fucking making it out of a fire station or something weird like that. Something along those lines, yeah. The ultimate would be that missile silo that drug dealer had in that Vice documentary. Remember that?

Yeah. He buys a $4.3 million New York home. Anderson Cooper has bought a firehouse. The 8,240 square foot home. Wow, that's a huge place in Manhattan. At 84 West 3rd Street between Sullivan and Thompson's, which he purchased in September, boasts the original spiral staircase brass fire poles. Look at that.

That's so beautiful. It's pretty dope. The fire station's pretty sweet, too. Well, the crazy thing is, oh, yeah. I see what you're saying. What's crazy is it still says fire patrol on it, and it's his house now. Yeah, I mean, that's kind of dangerous, isn't it? Like people coming up to the place and be like, help, I need to drop off this.

I wonder how many babies he gets dropped off. What if he pays for the thing again? What if Anderson Cooper comes out of his house every morning and there's like two babies? And he's like, god damn it again. $4.3 million. That's why it's a fire. Because somebody's getting fucked in that motherfucker. You pay $4.3 for a fucking fire truck house?

See if they left the fucking fire engine down. That's a pussy magnet. Or an asshole magnet, whatever it is that you like. It's an asshole magnet. I think it's been converted. I mean, I think inside it's pretty dope. It's more than 8,000 square feet. That's a big fucking house.

In New York City? Fuck yeah. In New York City, that's enormous. But there's all these cool photos of it. It's pretty dope, man. You gotta be creative. That's as creative as it gets, an old fucking firehouse. Yeah, he's enormous. But there's all these cool photos of it. It's pretty dope, man. You've got to be creative. That's as creative as it gets. An old fucking firehouse.

Yeah, he's bought a firehouse. They guaranteed. I don't know if they left the poles inside so he could fly down the fucking pole. I know I would. That's part of the deal. And I'd have the Batman thing to shoot right back up. You've got to fly down the pole. You've got to fly down the pole.

Yeah, you've got to fly down the pole. He's got a garage, man. How about having a garage in New York City? Who the fuck has a garage? He bought a house with a garage. Now, see, I would live in New York City if I could live like that.

That's dope. There's only one way to live in New York, guys, and that's with a lot of fucking Gitas because it costs a lot of fucking Gitas to live in New York. Yeah, if you're super rich, you could pull off living there.

Who gives a fuck? I'd take a cab everywhere and freshly squeezed and bagels for 20 bucks. Who gives a fuck? Well, a lot of guys just have drivers. So super rich dudes

that have like penthouses there, they just have like a driver. You know? Look at that place. That's his house? Yeah. Whose house? Interesting people.

Oh my God. I think the people that lived before or when it was on sale, I'm guessing. Oh my God. That think the people that lived before or when it was on sale, I'm guessing. Oh, my God. That is fucking killer, man. What a killer house.

You can put jacuzzis in there. Jacuzzis? I've been to one incredible house in New York. It was a friend of mine's dad had a penthouse place. I don't remember what homeboy did, but he was very wealthy. And we went to the top of this building and that's where the apartment was. And the fucking view was insane. It was insane. He was just in the middle of all these giant buildings. They were all lit up and he had this enormous glass opening like his window. He was on a corner. He had a corner

penthouse, and it was just staggering. You would look out there and you'd just go, wow. You kind of get it. It's like they get to live like in a science fiction movie. Every day, they look out their window. They're on the 90th floor of some fucking building or whatever the hell it is.

I don't know what the highest building is there now, but if you're on the 50th, 60th floor, and you're looking out and seeing all of Manhattan, and you're in the heat of it, it is kind of crazy science fiction, man. If you were really into that, man, I could see. I think the baddest house I ever seen was at Maroon Creek, Maroon Bells in Aspen, Colorado.

We were building a house. I was working for an electrician and a guy next door. We became friendly with him, and he was sure. This guy was like a weird producer. Don't ask me who the fuck it was. He built the house from scratch. But I could tell then he was kind of off the chain, like not a junkie or nothing.

He had man-made hot springs in his yard. Like you would walk away under the moonlight, and he had them like 40 yards from his house. He had like four different ones. It was just amazing the view he had of Colorado looking down

from one of the top cliffs up in Maroon Bells. I mean, it was fucking, it would take your breath away. It would really go, like you would fucking, it would take your breath away. That's really weird to see that.

Yeah, views are worth a lot. Views are worth a lot, yeah. To me, views are huge. Some people don't care. They'd rather just be in a nice neighborhood or whatever. I like looking out the window and seeing shit. When I look out the window and see shit, it's inspiring.

That was one of the best parts of Colorado. One of the best parts is being able to look out the window and just see the mountains and the trees. If you could look over the ocean, that's the best view. Where you got a over the ocean, that's like the best view, where you've got a little bit of mountain, a little bit of ocean. You can just stand there.

It's like you're looking at the greatest natural art ever created. One of nature's most beautiful and wondrous accomplishments is the beauty of nature itself, looking at mountains, looking at the water, looking especially from afar looking at the all of it together like when you're flying into hawaii and you can't even believe how beautiful it is look at this place look at it it like it charges you up just with its own natural beauty but even malibu has natural beauty malibu staggering beauty you know uh columbus i've seen some the trees the way they were cut.

You ever look at Columbus or Malibu real estate? Have you ever looked? No. Jesus Christ. No, you go online and Google Malibu real estate and see some of the houses for like $60 million. You're like, what? Where is all this money coming from?

Who are all these people? How many rich people are there? Like, Jesus Christ, here's some people buying up $60 million houses houses i know we talked about this a long time ago on that podcast but i don't know if we had video back then but like remember mike tyson's abandoned mansion oh yeah southington ohio and like people in ohio would just break into it because he abandoned it and so and it would like it was still furnished and it was like he just left it and it was really creepy like because the water the inside pool had not been treated for

for a long time and and like look at this bathroom this is like a crazy shower wow and uh they had oh there's the cages yeah the cages for his animals on the back and then they had like his own basketball court. Team Tyson. Remember that was like Don King got him into all that Team Tyson shit. And look how nice it is outside in Ohio. Can you imagine that would all be yours? Oh my god.

It's pretty cool. He just walked away from that? Yeah, he just walked away from it. He walked away five of them like that. I heard his house in Jersey was fucking gorgeous. Is that still for sale? Probably, I'm sure it's for sale. You know, bro, guys, he walked away five of them like that. I heard his house in Jersey was fucking gorgeous. That's still for sale? Probably. I don't know.

But the website that that's from is called Illicit Ohio. It's one of my favorite websites. It's just abandoned shit in Ohio. Like, look at this old music school where there's just a bunch of keyboards lined up. Is there a lot of abandoned shit in Ohio? Oh, yeah. This is just a guy that's fascinated with it. And he talks about, like, the old penitentiary.

Here's old amusement parks and stuff. What's the website called? Air Force Town. What's it called? It's called Illicit Ohio. Illicit Ohio. I-L-L-I-C-I-T-Ohio.com. Wow.

Here's an Air Force Town. What a cool blog. Yeah. Whoa, what is that? A broken roller coaster? What are we doing? We're just watching things. The conversation has actually eroded to us scrolling through it together.

But Mike Tyson's old house, I wonder if you would be creeped out if you bought it and you knew that Mike Tyson would just gorilla fuck chicks in every room in the house. No, it probably has a lot of positive energy in it. You think so? Oh, yeah. Except for the Brad Pitt energy. Oh, yeah. That story's hilarious.

That's Joey Diaz's crumpling in the background, ladies and gentlemen. What's up, guys? What is that? Is that popcorn? How many of those fucking houses do you think Mike Tyson walked away from? Probably a bunch, right? Four. Seven. I mean, how much did he make? Probably a bunch, right? Four, seven.

I mean, how much did he make? He must have made like half a billion dollars or something crazy, right? What did the guy rob from? Because they said everybody says that guy robbed. Don King, yeah. Who knows? Who knows? Who knows where it all went?

Isn't it crazy, though, when you see that story repeated over and over again throughout history? Guys make a shitload of money and then it all goes away. Then they got none. I mean, it happens so often. He so often idea how much money he had well then he was living so crazy he was giving away bentley's remember that he got an accident with his bentley and he gave it to the cops and the cops got in trouble like you can't like just accept a bentley from mike tyson while you're on the job he had no idea what they just told me at 80 million and go. Why can't he fucking just accept the Bentley?

That's fucked up for the cops. Because the cop could have sold that Bentley and not worked for like five years. Like, quit. I'm just going to live off this Bentley money, bitch. And they sell that Bentley for a quarter million bucks. They're worth a lot of money, aren't they? Especially the convertibles. He was so crazy, he just crashed them and given them away.

He's going to do a one-man show now in Vegas. Yeah. I heard he's already doing it. I heard it's amazing. He's already doing it? I heard it's amazing. It's amazing, bro. That guy could tell a story like, and don't even get him into boxing.

One-man show in Vegas. What a great idea. He's a savage. That guy's a fucking savage. Joey Diaz, we need to get you a one-man show in Vegas. He could just, you could just... Would you be willing to do that? I could do everything.

Would you be willing to do a one-man show in Vegas? No, not in Vegas. I got plans already. Don't worry about it. But he's the type of motherfucker that you could just

let him go for hours just about the trainer he had. And then he has six chapters that you could go 12 hours on.

What's the original guy that adopted him? Customado. Then he went with Teddy Alice. And then his days with Don King. Then his days with that fucking skank from Saved by the Bell. Then his two years in fucking prison. Then when he came out to the guys that kill brothers. What's with the bow ties and shit?

Remember, they were guarding him for a while. Then two years ago, he's smacking somebody in a fucking movie. Do you understand the different extremes? Not to mention he lost a little girl. Not to mention he's fucking Mike Tyson. And people look at him sometimes, and you may judge him, but that guy's Jimmy is fucking deep. Deep.

Deep. And when you watch that, we both watched that Tyson biography together, didn't we? And he said some shit in the beginning that made you fucking think about Mike Tyson. Remember we watched in the hotel room somewhere? He said two or three things that you're like, you know, what the fuck? You look at that guy, he's as intelligent and as deep as can be. He'll figure you the fuck out. He was beating fucking people up.

I just watched him against Irish Pat Murphy or something. He's a killer. He was a killer. The guy was a killer. When he was at his best, I mean just watched him against Irish Pat Murphy or something. He's a killer. He was a killer. The guy was a killer. When he was at his best, I mean, we talk about him all the time because when he was at his best, it was a force of nature.

He just had an... Whenever someone can summon up intensity that other people just can't match, it's always fascinating to watch. A guy who just raises it to the next level. And that's clearly what he did. He came along and just took it to another place. Everybody was like, whoa. We'd never seen intensity like this before. Eight chapters right in front of our eyes. just raises it to the next level. And that's clearly what he did. He came along and just took it to another place.

Everybody was like, whoa, we've never seen intensity like this before. He's had eight chapters right in front of our eyes. How many boxers do you know that went to prison in the middle of their career? Or football players? And now they're making movies. This guy didn't go into prison under some pretty shady circumstances. He went in there for fucking rape. Yeah, a girl who had already had falsely accused someone of rape. She was only like 19 years old.

And she had already before him falsely accused somebody. And they still didn't get him off. And their defense was so crazy. It was like, what do you expect him to do? Look at who he is. She should have known. She should have known that if she's going be alone with him he was gonna fuck her like that was the defense

which is you can't say that that guy that guy has thrown away more money thrown away he's thrown away

more money than a small country has in their bank account oh yeah he's pissed through more money than 10 people lived through

in a fucking lifetime you know how interesting that guy would be to get him stoned by mistake like just to give him Oh, yeah, I'm sure. He's pissed through more money than 10 people live through in a fucking lifetime. You know how interesting that guy would be to get him stoned by mistake? Like, just to give him a hit of fucking some OG Kush and let that motherfucker go? Just let him go. Just tell him just about three of his boxing fights and what led up to it. Yeah. What happened in Japan against Buster Douglas.

You know, so I wish him all the luck in the world, because that's a true motherfucker right there. We watched that guy come, go, come, go again. His daughter died two years ago. Not many people can bounce back from that, bro. You know, and he's really trying. You know, I used to see him at the YMCA. But for all the fucked up shit, I used to see him try because they had him in the rehab up there.

He was always pulling over and teaching a kid how to throw a punch right. You know what I'm saying, dog? And that's what it's all about. He would always stop and walk past the boxing thing. And if he'd see somebody, he'd go in and go, let me help you. He would hold a bag for you. World fucking champion hold a bag for you one time. He can still talk too. He doesn't have problems

forming sentences or anything. He doesn't have speech issues. So if you're going to do a one man show, that's the last thing you need. That's the saddest thing about boxers, man. You watch a great one and then you watch him in an interview later in his career and you hear him slurring his

words. You're like, man, he paid a big price for that life. That wild life of big price you know now we're sitting here watching it but some people man that must be maddening to know that you know your career has forced you to in your later years not be able to communicate right you're like but do they know it do they know it that they can't communicate right yeah or they What's in their mind? What's in that? Well, I think there's spectrums. There is a spectrum, rather. I think there's a broad range of brain damage.

But I think a lot of them don't know what the fuck is going on. Like, that was the thing about the HBO football special. They were talking about concussions. They showed a lot of these guys later in their life, and they didn't know what was going on. These poor guys were, guys were delirious. Their wives would just guide them all around. It was like they had a child they had to take care of. So there's a broad range of trauma-related. Listen, bro, with football, I don't blame it all on the fucking head trauma.

fucking the head trauma. I blame it on your body getting hit by a truck. For fucking 10 years, you're getting hit by a truck. Seven months of a year. That's reality. You know, how much abuse can your spine take? How much abuse can your organs take? It depends if it's sexual abuse.

You know the fucking shots? You know the shot that I'll give you if you're standing like this getting the ball? You know when the guy grabs the ball and he gets it and I come from the fucking left or the right and I give you in the kidney? So I don't blame it all on the fucking head shots. It's gotta be a motherfucker to put your head down

and to hit somebody. Even when it doesn't your spine. Something's gotta be... And that controls, bro and that controls bro that controls you know all the electrodes that controls all this in your your body that little spine yeah you know i've told you many times the last two years before i stopped doing blow at the end of the night my spine would hurt the top of my neck would hurt it would give me a little voltage like so i knew it was, zzz. So I knew it was starting to fuck shit up and you can't talk. I can't imagine.

But I want to know if they know what they're going through. I want to know if you sit them down and go, how do you feel? And if they would say to you at times, I want to express myself, I can't. Yeah, I'm sure they can't. I'm sure that's exactly what they would tell you. That's got to be a terrible fucking feeling, man. It's got to be terrible. I see somebody like Vinnie Curto, who I know,

he's been punched in the head 80 fucking times. I could talk to Vinnie for hours. I talked to him last week for like 45 minutes, and he'll go from cent to cent, and it's amazing how he remembers certain things, and I'm very impressed by it. But at the same time, when I hang up the phone with him, I'm sure that there's another thousand things that he's forgotten.

For the 20 that he's remembered, he's really forgotten a thousand. So I might think he's sharp in that. That's all he remembers is a handful of that stuff. You get compromised. There's a certain amount of compromise you're going to get if you're involved in kickboxing or contact sports or football. Any time where you're getting head collisions over and over again, you're going to pay a price. It's like how much of the price are you going to pay?

Is it just going to be like a weird little achy thing, like you might get a hurt wrist? Is it going to be like that in your brain? It's like, that's kind of annoying, but not that big a deal. Is it going to be that, or is it going to be something really serious, where your mouth doesn't work right, or you can't formulate certain words, where you struggle to try to put together a sentence, and you forget what you were talking about right in the middle of the sentence, and you're not even high? No, thank you.

Thanks. It's really weird how I know from two ways. I know from riding a motorcycle and falling off and banging my head a few times. I know from getting hit in the head a few times. And I also know how you feel the next day. You get hit in the fucking head when you're not used to it. Not that you feel terrible is what you feel. You do feel a darkness in your skull.

It feels dark. It feels like there's no sun outside. You know, when you get clocked in the head for a couple days and you see things. That's a good way of putting it. It's fucking crazy. I know when I got clocked in the head for a couple days and you see things. That's a good way of putting it. It's fucking crazy. I know when I got clocked in the head, it scared the shit out of me. You know, I survived. I lived to tell the story.

I mean, fuck it, I'm here. But you know that it's not right for you. You said this. You know that what I'm doing is not fucking healthy because this isn't normal for me to feel this way. You know, it's not with the concussions. It's not only the words and your memory. It's also your mood.

It controls your fucking moods. It can control whether or not you ice yourself or you fucking don't or how you live. You know, that's all the shit that's in that. Every brain, you know, I don't know what they are, but, you know, different. Like somebody was saying that the front of the brain controls your anger and that the Buddhists believe for years if you meditate through meditation, you could get through that part.

I'm just giving an example. But I think it affects a fucking lot of things. Your mood and your depression. It has to. Yeah, it has to. It fucking has to, man. And that's why when they talk about football players, hey, bro, who kicks harder than the UFC? Crowe Cobb.

What do you think? When Crowe Cobb kicks you in the fucking liver, you're not going to feel that for a couple weeks? That's not going to do something to your insides? Because you're kicking me over here. It's got to borrow from something. Ten of those fucking kicks got to do something to you. That is a thing that people don't think about is the damage to your organs. Jesus Christ.

Fuck yeah. Impacts from whether football or kickboxing or whatever. You've got to think about that because you can't see it, so you just assume everything's okay in there. But, you know, like someone's shin slamming into your ribcage and fucking rattling all your shit, full blast into your ribcage. Really? Jesus Christ.

You know, how many of those can you take? What's going on inside there? You know? How fucked up is everything? On the NFL, when we were in Pittsburgh, I was watching that afternoon TV was on, of those can you take? What's going on inside there? You know? How fucked up is everything? On the NFL, when we were in Pittsburgh, I was watching that afternoon TV was on, trying to write, whatever, and they were showing Earl Campbell. And they were showing the best

10 power backs of all time. And they showed Earl Campbell playing against some team, and he had to play against something, Solomon. And they said, look at the shot that he gives him with. And by mistake, he hit him with a knee in the solar plexus. Think about it, right? By mistake?

Like he went to tackle him and he tripped over a player's foot. So the momentum and him coming around, the knee was right there. Bam! Oh, my God. Bam! I mean, you just seen it. It was like him coming, Earl Campbell, and you're coming as the knee is coming up. So he's falling as he's coming around.

Bam! It was just, it was perfect. You couldn't have fucking written this shit. And you're coming as the knee is coming up. So he's falling. As he's coming around, bam. It was just, it was perfect. You couldn't have fucking written this shit. And this motherfucker, you just seen his arms go like this, bro. Like everything. Look at these. Spacecake. Don't give him more.

What are you doing? He can't take all this. No one can take all this. No, he just ate a whole bag of popcorn. This is incredible. I'm the king of swing, bro. That's amateur shit, that popcorn. Amateur shit. When you call me crying an hour from now, Joe Rogan, I want to talk to you.

Dana Dierman, we did this podcast the other day, and she ate a whole bag of that popcorn. And by the end of it, she was so gone, she couldn't even. I had to call her because i was so worried about her like we stayed here for a bit until she came down but wow yeah you got to get someone some coffee or something right yeah what are you doing with that stone but that's still you just got to ride it out yeah yeah there's nothing else you just gotta ride it out it's like a piss test yeah for you fucking amateurs don't be playing with those edibles it's not dangerous edibles are danger, my friend. That is

not regular weed, folks. That's not regular weed. You gotta understand that. It's gonna affect you a lot differently when you eat it. I was just hungry. That's the only reason I ate it. I ate it. I'm gonna be talking to two fucking space cadets in about 40 minutes. Fuck that.

Fuck that, dog. I haven't eaten an edible in a couple days since Columbus. So you just ate a whole bag of popcorn and one of those. You're going to be crying in one hour. Dude, remember those cookies that guy gave us in Columbus, Ohio and you ate them right before you went on stage? Did you start feeling it while you're on? I think I remember

you saying something about it while you were on stage. I felt it a little bit on some, you know, whenever you eat an edible and you go on stage, you go to yoga, you go to jujitsu or whatever, the edible sits in you. But once that adrenaline mixes with the edible, you've got a different type of fucking savage in there. How about our friend that gave us those cookies in Chicago and you had a mild heart attack from them?

What happened? This was a couple of years ago. We did the one Chicago club that's very white. Yeah, my 40th birthday. We came out to Bob Marley. And it was crazy. This guy gave me these fucking cookies that were in a wrapper. He brought them.

And I ate two of them. They're life-changing cookies. Oh, my God. They were life-changing. The next day, I had an offbeat in my fucking heart. I had a heart murmur. Three days later, I went to the doctor. They're like, yeah, you had something.

What the fuck did you eat? Oh, my God. You had a mild heart attack from one cookie. I'm telling you, dude, they were not regular cookies. I don't know what was going on. No, no, I re-ate them later. I don't know what the guy did. That dude put heroin in something.

He put those weren't regular cookies. There's a point where I could tell once you do. There were these cookies I was eating for a while. I'm not going to say from what place. But I found out a year later that the dude was putting Valiums in them. Now, I knew that these cookies were doing something to me. I knew for a fact that these cookies were doing something to me that nothing else was doing. I've been around the block, so I could feel it.

I know the difference between eating like a cookie. So he knew that he was going to get people hooked on his cookies. He was saying, these are the strongest fucking things, guaranteed. And then when I got a call one day, I got a call one day, somebody went to the fucking hospital. That's how he got busted. What an asshole. And the guy was like, bro, you don't have THC on you. You can't be this asleep like this.

What an asshole. Wow. Well, that's the thing about having marijuana all shady and semi-legal the way it is. There's a lot of fucking disreputable folks who are going to get involved in this just to make money.

Think about it. Pot's good, man. Yeah, pot's good, but when people are selling it, you're going to get people that are just trying to make money. They're not pot advocates, per se. Some of them are just in the business to make money. Listen, edible business people don't stick around for that long because you've got to put too much weed to kill

motherfuckers. They get raided too. Well, the whole thing is it's got to be a one-shot operation. So it's got to be a store that buys three pounds, they trim it, and whatever they have left over, they make the edibles with it. If you go in to buy weed to make edibles, you're going to lose money. It's not going to work for you. You make it from the trimmings and the fucking seeds and all the fucking stems, and that's how you do it.

That's how you do it? That's to do it to be profitable because it's one-stop shopping. It doesn't have the same impact? What do you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all the same strength. It's all the same strength. So the stems have the same amount of THC as the bud?

Well, not the stems, but all the leaves and all that shit. You put it with the butter, and you still get the butter with the same high THC ratio. Really? Yeah, it's the same from the leaves. They trim it with the leaves. That's all made from leaves, dog. You know, when they tell you, oh, yeah, it's like, what do you think? They take a beautiful bud and throw it in there.

They take the leaves. They trim it. When you buy, okay, let me give you an example. That grinder you have. Right. That grinder you have has two pieces. It has a piece for the weed, and under the weed it has a piece for kush. What do they call it?

Keef. Keef, yeah. See how much Keef you got in there. There's a lot. Is there a lot? Okay, this is what you do. When you go to a weed store now, before they give you that weed,

they beat the Keef off the weed. They do? That's how they sell Keef. You bring weed home from a weed store now, there's no K keef on it. Yeah. Then you could get 25 a gram for that shit, 30 a gram for that shit. The place next door is one of those schools that teaches you how to grow weed.

And you can have up to seven plants or something like that. And they use their lighting. And you just go a couple days a week or whatever to check on your plants. It's kind of cool. But they just bought an extraction machine. And so now they can extract the weed into the weed juice where you can just – It's all over. Obama, I love you.

I love you, Obama. Brandon next door showed me he has a syringe, and it's just a syringe of liquid. And you just drop it on a fucking bowl. They're going to take an intravenous. How long before someone takes that intravenously? No, no, no. It's a syringe just to drop a little drip on your nugs. Oh, I understand what you're saying, but I think how long before someone takes that and shoves it into a vein?

Oh, totally. Listen, in one year, you will not smoke and refill. It will be obsolete. One year? In one year, 90 percent. 60 percent. Smoke and reefer. Smoke and reefer.

That's like 2012, Joey. Smoke and reefer will be obsolete. Really? Between these things. Because this is the first one. That's predictions. If this is the fucking first one, the next one's going to be half the size. Right.

Okay. And the next one's going to be half the size. Right, okay. And the next one's going to be in your fucking iPod. You know what I'm saying? I mean, you just have to assume. Gentlemen, we just have to assume here. Gentlemen. If they're extracting fucking weed juice from weed, how long is it going to be until some motherfucker opens up a store and says, Joe Rogan,

I'm going to put the shit you drink in the morning, and I'm going to mix an ounce of weed juice with that. Which is all natural. They're going to find out that weed juice mixed with the shit that algae, the shit we drink in the morning, the shots. It's going to be like that. Well, you know that they say that when you juice weed or when you

eat it, like you eat it raw, it doesn't get you high, but it's really good for your body. Yes. Super, really super helped. Start getting ready. In a year, this is going to be obsolete. Yes, people are still going to smoke pot, but you're not going to have to. You can just go to meet Joey. Did you bring the dripper?

It's going to be like a Vizine. It's going to be the Vizine thing, and you can control it. Look what's going on with soda now. You can make soda at home. That's the dumbest shit in the whole entire world. Is that any good? It's disgusting. You know when you go to a grocery store, and it has the off-brand that's the dumbest shit yeah is that any good it's disgusting you know like when you go to a grocery store and it has like the off brand that's like 89 cents and it tastes like coke but

like flatter or just not as good that's what it is and it makes no sense like is is soda and pop really that expensive where we have to make it at home i think the idea is you're supposed to be conserving somehow because you know you, you're recycling, using your own glasses. It tastes like shit, though. Now, what's the other thing they have, the thing that you put in club soda or water? I don't know. You remember you could buy it. It's like vitamin something.

You put it in your bottle of water. I see a lot of people at the gyms. Now, I'll tell you what. I don't know about you motherfuckers. Joe Rogan, I know you remember this. Remember when we were kids how salsa used to come? Salsa never came like this. Yeah, it came like a tank.

When you were a professional alcoholic, that's what you had at your house. Remember New York seltzer? Whatever happened to that? New York seltzer. Is that still around? Yeah, yes and no, but it's got to be at Jewish delis only. They don't have them at a lot of... But it's so weird.

I remember when I was a kid, I'd go to Ray Canella's house, and we'd get grape Kool-Aid and put seltzer in it from that gun. It was the best thing I ever tasted in my fucking life. Kool-Aid with bubbles in that motherfucker? Tremendous. Did you guys know that...

This is one of the craziest fucking stories ever, and I think we've talked about this on the podcast. I'm not sure. But that the cocaine... Cocaine used to be in Coca-Cola. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the people in New Jersey take it out now. Yeah, we talked about it.

Did we talk about it on the show? Yeah. How nutty is that that there's like billions of dollars in cocaine being made by a company that extracts it from the leaves they use to make Coca-Cola? No, cocaine never ends. Like I said to you, it's the whole business. Once you tap into the whole thing and you learn how to control it, like, all right, the cartel in the 80s, Pablo Escobar, those guys there, when they were processing Coke, that's what they were doing.

They weren't selling it. They were getting it and selling a kilo for $6,000, and what you did was your business. Okay? That was how it started. Then they said, wait a second. We're going to become partners and get some of that from New York

or wherever we're taking it from. So instead of selling a key for $8,000 from now, we're going to get $16,000. We're going to get 20% of their profits. Okay? And then they said, ooh, that's some good money too. But they were paying people to transport it so i would come to joe rogan inc and go joe rogan every week on tuesday you're going to transport

2 000 kilos at 5 000 a kilo okay that's it we're going to do that to you and then they did that then carlos laid there got out of prison and went to the cartel and said, this is what we're going to do. I'm your new fucking partner at 50%. You're going to process it. You're going to do this. I'm the one that's going to take it up to the states, sell it, set the pricing, control the routes. He got the island off the coast, whatever, and he got the island there.

So now they ran it from A to Z. You follow me? They controlled it from A to Z. They just weren't coke dealers no more. The same thing is going to happen with this weed. The same thing is happening. That these guys are getting a pound. They turn half of it into keef.

They turn the other half into edible. And the other half they sell at 20 a fucking gram. There's no loss in weed. When they take the stems out now, they'll just throw that into mixing the edible. Did you hear about the weed they found floating in the ocean? Oh, please. But it's Mexican weed. so nobody cares about that. I didn't hear about it.

Yeah. Yeah, they found like billions of pounds of weed floating in the ocean. Two thousand? Yeah. Two tons or something like that? Yeah, hold on a second. Right off fucking Mexico. Was it dumped from like a plane probably, I guess?

Could be, right? Yeah. They might have been running out of gas. They had to toss it overboard. But listen, we're growing the best weed right here. Why is it even on the ocean? So where was it coming from? 180 bales.

Oh, my God. 8,000 pounds of weed. Holy fucking shit. 180 bales of weed found floating in the ocean. And what do they do about that? Do they have to burn it now? They put it somewhere, and when they do a big cookout, they'll burn it. Well, listen, they have medical marijuana.

Why doesn't the government sell it? We could use that money. Well, first off, they found the bales. How much water got into those bales? Sell it cheap. Let me tell you something. I've smoked fucking weed that's been dried from bales in the early 80s. Really? Fucking horrible. It tastes like salt water.

It's fucking horrible. The things explode. The seeds. Listen, that weed's got seeds in it. We don like salt water. Oh, really? It's fucking horrible. The things explode. The seeds. Listen, that weed's got seeds in it. We don't want to do that. We could use that for edibles. But the thing with that weed is they'll take the, how many bales? 180. By the time they burn those bales, the government gets to burn, there'll be 92 bales left.

Really? You think they're going to sell that stuff? Because every week somebody will come and tell, oh, please. So what about the salt water and all that shit? Some poor soul will fucking smoke it. Some poor soul in like North Dakota where you can't get good weed. Some poor fucking brother that likes to smoke blunts and make videos at his house. What's the hardest spot in the country to get weed?

Where's the hardest spot? In front of the Capitol. In front of the Capitol? That might be the easiest. I know you ain't going gonna get no weed at the fucking White House. I think you get weed everywhere. I think now in this country it's wide open. Could you go on the

streets like the old days? I think if you had to, yeah. Hey, dude, pull up Penn Jillette's rant on Obama and weed. Penn Jillette fucking nailed it. You know, Penn Jillette has a podcast now on Sundays on Adam Carolla's network. And it's called Penn Sunday School.

And he went on this rant about how fucked up it is that marijuana is illegal and that people are in jail for it. And one out of six people in jail are in jail for marijuana. And he went on this fucking brilliant rant, man. And it really is. It's a shame. Like, what's going on right now? Arresting people for marijuana with all the information we have about how we, you know, we know it's not dangerous. We know the laws are ridiculous.

It's a real shame when you see people getting arrested for it. And he makes this intense point about it. You know prison is a business? You know prison is a business, Craig? We know. Our president has said in his own book, Dreams from My Father 1995, before entering politics,

he admitted that he'd used marijuana and maybe a little blow. Maybe a little blow. Which, as you know, is crazy talk. Maybe a little blow is what someone who uses marijuana every weekend says once you would man I use cocaine once it was crazy yeah but he used every week you go maybe a little blow that's such

an odd casual way to say I am maybe a little now he has not left this to states' rights. As you know, medical marijuana, as our good friend Joe Rogan will point out to you any time, medical marijuana you can get in California. And the feds are coming in to try to stop this. States' rights don't mean jack shit to the Obama administration on anything except gay marriage. What troubles me about this is, and it is not hypocrisy, because as everybody knows, hypocrisy doesn't bother me very much. Yeah, you like hypocrisy.

And so Obama... And yet you feel this is worse? I think it's beyond hypocrisy. I think it's something to do with class. You know, a lot of people have accused Obama of class warfare, but in the wrong direction. I believe this is Obama chortling with Jimmy Fallon about lower class people. Do we believe, even for a second, anybody believe, that if Obama had been busted for marijuana under the laws that he condones,

would his life have been better? If Obama had been caught with the marijuana that he says he uses, and maybe a little blow, blow, cocaine, blow, this casual attitude toward drugs, blow this casual attitude toward drugs. A casual attitude toward drugs that makes him really cool on Jimmy Fallon. Makes him the hip president. I'm the cool president, I'm the happy and happiest president. I say weed, I say blow, it's all a big deal, ha ha ha. Huge laugh from the college students. And if he had been busted under his laws, he would have done hard fucking time. And if he had done time in prison, time in federal prison, time for his weed and a little blow, he would not be President of the United States of America. And he would not have gone to his fancy-ass college.

He would not have sold books that sold millions and millions of copies and made millions and millions of dollars. He would not have a beautiful, smart wife. He would not have a great job. He would have been in fucking prison. And it's not a goddamn joke. People who smoke marijuana must be set free. It is insane to lock people up. Now, people bust me all the time for carrying on about how I've never had a sip of alcohol, never had a puff of marijuana, never done any drugs in my life. They say, why do you always bring that up? Well, maybe in this case it's okay to bring it up, okay? I've never had a puff of marijuana. I've never had maybe a little blow. I've never even had a glass of wine, all right?

None of that shit. But the people who do any of this stuff do not deserve to be in prison. Throw some numbers at me, Godot. in prison. Throw some numbers at me, Godot. 750,000 people in jail for victimless crimes, a great number of which are marijuana. One in six.

One in jail are there for marijuana. Not one in six people are victimless crimes. One in six people in prison. One in six people in prison. One in six people in prison. Pendula, listen, I just love the rant people in prison one in six of people in prison to be in there for a week Pendulet

I just love the rant and if you want to listen to Pendulet Sunday School he's fucking amazing I want to meet him so bad we didn't figure this out ten years ago

I know but come on that's a great that's a great rant Joe Dias I'm wasting my time with this shit I'm wasting your time I came here to talk to you you know me dog

well we're talking to you I'm talking to you right now talking to me about what it's a business what the fuck do you want nobody knows prison is a business and that's what it is it's a fucking business guys it's important when a guy like pendula that's great that's important you do for you break the fucking law you go to jail you sell weed against the law and 10 bells you get caught you go to jail i went to jail i'm responsible i learned how to fucking. That's it. What are you going to do? There's a law. You cannot

fucking do it. You're going to go to jail. Jail and prison are a fucking business. They're a business. That's why. Get a ticket driving with the phone. How much they tell you it is? $25. Until you go down to LA County and it's

$225. Because you got to pay the court costs the prison fee, the judge's vacation it's a fucking business guys they're going to raise the taxes now for fucking parking tickets it's a business, what the fuck do you want me to do this is the oldest conversation in the book they should have legalized this after they shot Kennedy

they didn't we're fucking fortunate that we live in California, and we don't have to abide by this. When was the last time you were at a store and they kicked the door down, Joe Rogan? How about you, my friend? So all this shit you guys talk about, them kicking the doors, the feds,

I've never seen it. I go get weed every day. Stop scaring these fucking white kids and getting them talking. This is nonsense. This is nonsense talk. They should kill you in jail. I never drank. This is nonsense talk. The day she killed him in jail, I never drank.

So what? So who gives a fuck? It applies for everything, dog. There's a lot of people who are in jail that get out every day on a DNA or whatever. You break the law, you sell five pounds of weed, you got to go to jail.

It's a business. You didn't do nothing wrong, but it's a business. They have guidelines. If you get caught with 30, 28 grams of blow, you have to do a certain amount of fucking time. You get caught with a quarter ounce of weed,

you have to do a certain amount of time. You got caught with it. Why are you crying to me for? You got caught with it. I was a criminal for 30 years. You ever seen me get caught with blow? With weed or blow? No.

You follow me? There's a way to do it and there's a way not to. How the fuck are you going to get caught with fucking weed and not think you're going to go to jail if you live in fucking Ohio or in fucking Kentucky or wherever? You're going to go to jail.

I kind of see your point, but I also see his because it's an important matter. Mine is brilliant. It's important. It's not. I got together with Fallon and the president's hip or whatever. I don't give a fuck, dog. You don't give a fuck at all? I'm smoking.

Look, here. Here's what I think about your whole drug thing. Look, the same thing I've rubbed my balls with for the last 32 years with the sativas and the bullshit. Just get high, dog. You people add too much drama to the gift that God gave us of getting high. You got too much drama. I kill it.

I got to put a thing at the end of the joint to be cool. Meanwhile, you're smoking on a fucking electronic cigarette. Shut the fuck up. You're smoking an electronic cigarette. But I'm smoking. Think about that. I'm smoking. Meanwhile, you're smoking on a fucking electronic cigarette. Shut the fuck up. You're smoking an electronic cigarette. But I'm smoking. Think about that. I'm smoking. That's all that matters.

At the end of the week, that's all that matters. Fucking people want to be intelligent all the time. I can't wait to see you on stage tonight. The fucking stupidity. You're in rare form today, sir. One out of six people. And three out of four people in there for rape and murder. What are you telling me for?

Look, Joey Meatballs, calm down. Who gives a fuck? Who gives a fuck, you say? Fucking to show people that you give a fuck. Who gives a fuck? I don't give a fuck. I give a fuck. I don't want people locked up in jail for weed.

You know what my favorite thing, Joe? If they came in here jackboot thug style and fucking haul you away for your little fancy pencil. I've been a comedian for 20 years. I drink from time to time. Do I ever get behind of a car when I'm drunk? I got a DUI. That's a choice you make. These are all the choices you make, bro.

So what are we getting at? I know it's illegal. I know it should be illegal. And I know that John Lennon's going to make a comeback. But for today. What? But for today. 2000. But for today.

But for today. If you get caught smoking and fucking in New York, you're going to jail. I don't care what you said, bro. I love hearing you talk. Who gives a fuck? I'm going to put up with this nonsense. I love pendulum, but I don't give a fuck. I was going off yesterday.

I was saying how Joey Diaz would get mad about ketchup. He'd come up with this fucking Heinz ketchup. Or ranch Have you ever heard him talk about ranch? Oh, I fucking hate ranch I don't know how the fuck people can eat that shit I don't know how people can eat ranch When I go to a place and I say

Oh, you have wings And they say it comes with ranch I get up and leave Even if I don't get the wings Because if you're gonna serve wings with ranch I don't wanna do business with you I don't wanna do business with you. I don't want to do business with you. I'm very easy.

I'm very fucking easy. If you fuck up pork fried rice, what do we got to talk about? Wings must be done with blue cheese? Blue cheese. Yeah, like the way they invented in Buffalo, New York. If you're going to do something original, do it original. You're going to show up with that ranch that smells like somebody's ass. Give us no fucking ranch.

They're saying that ranch is starting to replace ketchup. Yeah, that's good. If you're a fucking hillbilly and you want to taste the ass in your mouth all fucking day. I hate that fucking ranch shit. Don't put it close to me. Don't put it around me. It's either blue cheese with wings or go fuck your mother.

That's the next shirt, alright? Please. You're gonna give me a fucking ranch with fucking wings. I can say blue cheese with wings wings and you can fuck your mother. Go fuck your mother and eat this shit. Fucking gonna give me ranch with my wings. That's the next shirt. That's the next shirt.

That's how you motherfuckers... I'm stoned. Fuck it. You're fucked up now. I see the blue cheese with wings and you can fuck your mother. Fucking gonna give me Ranch and shit I don't even like People around me

Ordering ranch Like don't order That shit around me Do me that favor Alright Ladies and gentlemen This fucking podcast Is over

I gotta go And do David Tells Dave's old porn Show today So we got a show Tonight at the Ice House It's not quite Sold out But it's really close There's only I need two tickets For Jay Dave's old porn show today. So we got a show tonight at the Ice House.

It's not quite sold out, but it's really close. There's only two tickets for Jay from that week. Oh, sweet. There's only like ten left. Two tickets. But it's icehousecomedy.com is the website. You can buy tickets online. The lineup tonight is spectacular.

It is Mad Flavor, a.k.a. Joey motherfucking Diaz. Brian Redband, a.k.a. Rykel, if you're looking to give him something with a social security number intact. Doug Benson is going to be all up in this bitch. Ari Shafir just texted me and said he's going to make it down. Are you serious? Yes. Are you coming? Sweet. He'll squeeze in.

And Dom Irera is coming down. This fucking show is going to be off the chain. Off the chain. There's no way it's too many people. It's perfect. It's beautiful. You guys have Freddie Locker. We're going to ride this bitch right into the beach.

That's done. That's done. You shouldn't even invite it. We're going to have a great fucking show tonight. Whoever comes down, we're going to have a great show. And we will also be broadcasting a podcast simultaneously. We'll start before the podcast. We say it starts at 9.

It really doesn't start until like 9.30. But 9-ish in case we get crazy. And if you're bored and you're in front, just leave it on. And you'll find out what time it starts. So that is called the Ice House Chronicles. And you can watch it live on Ustream with the same channel, the Joe Rogan channel on Ustream. But if you want to download the podcast, you have to get it from either iTunes or DeathSquad.tv.

And DeathSquad.tv is all of Brian's podcasts that he produces. He's got a gang of them online. And they're eventually going to be broken up into separate feeds now, right? Is that how you're doing that? Yeah, some of the main shows are already on separate feeds on iTunes. Doug Benson's been stopping by a lot. He's been on the last two XXX squads. We have Muff said. We had the guy

that's behind Call of Duty on the last one. We should be all on Death Squad Network. We should all figure out a way to get ourselves all together on a website or something. Let's do something where we're all in this thing you know what i mean we've been alive for three years we have to figure out how to do this i know we we really all should be uh together we'll do we'll figure out how to how to organize it just to just to you know like we need at least have a page on our website like these are all the the people that we associate with

right right these death squad honorary death squad you know we have like official desk squad honorary desk squad close associates familiars right we have to should we label these things well i'm trying to do that on desk squad right now i'm going to i'm going to make like a link page thing on you know like what you were talking about with the grid and stuff like that i just need help with wordpress yeah beautiful we'll we'll we'll hire somebody we need to hire some yeah so if you're a if you're a super master at wordpress like you're just a badass you got some wicked websites get a hold of red band get red band at red band at gmail red band at gmail holler wait for the wave of crazy because here it comes all caps you fucking pussy i fuck your mother

just serious people. You have to have a portfolio and everything. Don't be mean. And don't be mean. Now, serious inquiries tomorrow night. I'm with these guys tonight. I'll be at the Irvine Improv tomorrow night, 8 o'clock show, 949-854-5455. That's tomorrow night, Irvine Improv, Thursday night.

8 o'clock. I want to thank the people of Columbus, Cleveland, Pittsburgh. You motherfuckers are bad to the bone. I'll see you motherfuckers in Buffalo. How about New York, man? New York was fucking amazing. I'm going to play this for you because you haven't even seen this. This is you going on stage in New York.

I saved this. I played this for Don Herrera last night. We both just sat and listened to it in my car with our mouths dropped because this is you going on stage. for Don Herrera last night. We both just sat and listened to it in my car with our mouths dropped. Because this is you going on stage. This isn't Coldplay. This is Joey Diaz. Listen to this.

Ready? You got standing O's at all our shows? No, people know what we're doing. Listen to this. I'm very proud. That was what? That's New York. Am I on?

No, you're getting on. I don't think you told me New York. Joe, he hasn't even introduced you. You're walking on stage right now and they're going fucking bananas. You try to calm them down. Wow. And that's me going, wow. That's fucking amazing.

That's sweet. I love you motherfuckers. You coming out? These shows are crazy. You're supporting us. We're getting better and better. And I told you the dream. By the end of the year, we're taking over this motherfucker once and for all. New Year's, December 12th, we'll be ready for the Martians, whoever's showing up.

Whoever's showing up. I don't give a fuck anymore. We're taking it. Yeah, we'll be ready for the Martians, whoever's showing up. Whoever's showing up. I don't give a fuck anymore. We're taking it. Yeah, we're thinking about starting compounds. We're going to make our own tax-deductible religion. Dog, I put the documentary out. It sounds like hotcakes. If you donate it or if you bought it, I give my heart to you.

Thank you very much. How do they find any of your stuff? This one's on Payloads, the documentary, but we'll put it on iTunes next week. So once it's on iTunes, I'll blow it up on Twitter and Facebook. Is your CD still number one on iTunes? It's number 11. It went down. God damn it.

That thing went down from one to like 92. It went down like Brendan Schaub in Brazil. You follow me down hard. And what is it called again? It's either you or the motherfucking priest. But you know what? No, not the motherfucking priest. Just you or the priest, right?

It's either you or the priest. If you want to find it. It's either you or the priest. I'm sorry. It's either you or the priest. We, but you know what? No, not the motherfucking priest. Just you or the priest, right? It's either you or the priest. If you want to find it. It's either you or the priest. I'm sorry. It's either you or the priest. We're going to bring it back up, Joey. We're going to bring it back up today. The documentary is where I got my balls from.

It's five bucks on payloads. I appreciate everything you guys do. Where I got my balls from is the documentary, and that's on payloads? That's on payloads only. How do you say that? It's P-A-Y-L-O-A-D-Z dot com. Powerful. I love you motherfuckers.

And if they want to follow you on Twitter, it's Mad Flavor. Mad Flavor. Come to Facebook too. Whatever. We got subscribers. At least you get to hear the shit I'm talking about. I love you, Joe. I love you, Red Band.

He's still doing MySpace. You know what, man? I lost the link. Every time I pressed mine, it went away. I didn't go on there for so long. It just told me. They threw me out of the fucking thing, you know? We will be back.

Tonight. We'll be back tonight for the Ice House Chronicles and tomorrow with Wildman Bert Kreischer. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. We love you. Oh, shit. We love you. We love you guys.

Thank you. Is it? Okay, I forgot to thank our sponsors, ladies and gentlemen. First of all, I'd like to thank unsolicited sponsors. Defense Soap is a soap company that I use for grappling. It's kind of like tea tree oil and all these probiotics, and it keeps you from getting like mad herpes and nasty shit. Like that's the thing that happens when you get scratched up when you do jujitsu. You can get like ringworm and people don't know about that stuff. You can

even get staph infection and people get really sick from it. It's very dangerous and the way to keep your skin healthy is twofold. One, probiotics. Take acidophilus. Very important. Kombucha tea is another good probiotic. But anything probiotic, that's very important. But acidophilus is a really strong one. It keeps ringworm dead. And then two, use natural soap that doesn't fuck with the natural pH balance of your skin. You don't want to use antibacterial soap because that stuff actually kills the good bacteria as well. And what defense soap is, is it has like tea tree oil in it and all sorts of different, like eucalyptus,

all sorts of different natural oils that are good for keeping the healthy flora of your skin safe from nasty cooties. So that's defensesoap.com. That's unsolicited. That shit's for free. And C2O Coconut Water, another unsolicited one, because those guys are the shit.

Those guys are the shit. And I have replaced C2O as Gatorade. I used to be a big Gatorade guy. You know, like after a night of drinking or just whatever when I'm dehydrated. Joey said it went sour, but I've yet to see this. I will take all his C2O and drink it.

Thanks to the Fleshlight for sponsoring us. Go to JoeRogan.net and click on the link for the Fleshlight. Enter in the code name Rogan and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men. And thanks to Onnit.com. That's O-N-N-I-T. Makers of AlphaBrain, which I took

before the show, which is why I'm so motherfucking eloquent. ShroomTech Sport, ShroomTech Immune, 5-HTP Enhanced New Mood. Go check all that shit out at Onnit.com. O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogan and save 10% off any and all orders from now until you stop ordering. We are done.

Hold on. One more shout out. Ballcancersucks.com. Go to the webpage. Check your nutsack. Order a t-shirt. Put in BNB.20. You get 20% off the t-shirt.

They're my new sponsors. I love them. Beautiful. Get your ball sacks checked. And go check in BNB.20. You get 20% off the t-shirt. They're my new sponsors. I love them. Beautiful. Get your ball sacks checked. And go check out Joey's podcast. Yeah. Beauty and the Beast. And go check out fucking No Horganic and get yourself your little fucking Eureka.

Boom. Sherlock Lock Boom. And buy a Death Squad shirt at DeathSquad.tv. Yeah. DeathSquad.tv. All right. We love you guys. Bye.