The Joe Rogan Experience - #2196 - Greg Fitzsimmons

Episode Date: August 28, 2024

Greg Fitzsimmons is a comedian, actor, and writer. He hosts the “Fitzdog Radio” podcast and co-hosts “Sunday Papers” and “Childish.” His new special, “You Know Me,” premieres on YouTube on 8/27. https://gregfitzsimmons.com/  "You Know Me" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvUqkWh_x4U Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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look? It looks good. I like it. I like them paperboy hats. Yeah. I love those, my favorite hats. Yeah, well the reason I do it is because I started wearing hats because after the show people would take photos with me with my shaved head and the light would just bounce off my chrome and you couldn't see me in the photo. So I realized that I wore baseball caps but then when you're on stage

it puts a shadow over your face. Right. Can't see your face, so I started wearing these. Yeah, I love those. I like shaving the head though. I started during the pandemic. Yeah, you should've done that long time ago. What's that side hair bullshit?

I know, I know. It's nonsense. Feel so much better like this. Also, you have to go to a barber? Right. What? Right. And listen to some stupid stories? Oh, fuck off.

Dude, when I was a teenager, there was a place in New York called this, it was called the Stag Brothers. And it was these two Italian brothers and they cut hair. And you go in there and they had the reason we all went, like our moms would drop us off out front, we'd go inside. And then they had Penthouse magazines while you waited. So you hope that you got to wait for a while.

And then they call you and like, you got your little 15 year old erection, you're trying to hide, put the cape over me, cover me. I always felt like barbershops where guys hung out. That's all just for people who don't play pool. That was always my thought. Like I see what you're doing. Like you're getting a guy's place

where guys can hang out and just talk. Right. But this is not the way to do it. Cause people come in, people you don't know come in, you can't tell some dirty story. Right. You know, you can't, you can't, you know what I mean? Yeah. It's like.

That seems to be big in the black culture. I mean, obviously there's those movies, barbershop, but I mean, it really is a place that people hang out. But now you got cigar. Do you like hanging out in cigar shops? Yeah, cigar bars are good. I like it. Because it's one of the rare places where you go to a cigar. I still love that place, the Grand Havana room in Beverly Hills. It's a great room. People had their own humidor in there? Yeah, I had a humidor for a long time. And you could eat like nice meals and smoke cigar Yeah, it's a private club. So you could have a steak

Pasta and you're smoking a cigar at the table and everybody's doing it. That's awesome Yeah, it was cool. Yeah, and it was a cool place. Like oh look at that guy because it was in Beverly Hills Oh, it was a power spot. I remember like Michael Rotenberg member from three arts. Yeah, Dave Becky He brought me there once and he had the humidor and he was just pointing up, he was like, yeah, that guy owns Warner Brothers. Yeah. That dude is an eight picture deal over in Columbia. Yeah. You know who I saw there once that I was kind of starstruck? Remember that dude from,

what is the New York Blues, what was it that NYPD Blue? Yeah. Remember NYPD Blue? Yeah, yeah. What's the dude's name? Jimmy Smiths? No, no, no, no, the first guy. Jerry Orbeck?

The first guy. Oh, yeah, Dennis Franz? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The redheaded guy. Oh, yeah. He ended up quitting to get a movie career that never happened. Fuck man. They, I think they tanked that guy.

Yes. What the fuck's his name? The guy was good, man. No he quit because he thought he had a big movie career. But this is the thing. It didn't happen. But you can't do that. What's the guy's name though?

No not that guy. That's Andy Sipowicz. Or that's the character he played, right? But the other guy? Jesus Christ. This is... David Caruso? Is that his name? No. That's the guy who produced the show, right? I don't know. Is that his name? David Caruso. It is his name, right?

Maybe. What, doesn't say the cast down there Yeah, yep, that's Yeah, David it came down hard on him. Oh Okay, that guy should have been a giant movie star Yeah, dude He was really good on that show But if you have that thing where you like fuck fuck this I'm quitting. I'm gonna be a star bro. They want you to fucking fall flat on your face They're like fuck this guy

Yeah, there's like 15 more guys like you in theater school right now 15 more troubled guys from the inner city Uh-huh, you know that have a gritty past yeah scars on their face. Mm-hmm. Go fuck yourself, and that's they did to that guy Yeah, also. He's a redhead. Name a lot of redheaded leading men. But he could have been the guy! All the redheads are like, one guy gets cocky! We had our guy! We had our major lead! We had a shot! We had our fucking guy, man! And instead they started the phrase, the word ginger, and took them all down. That was brutal.

Isn't that crazy? They were just redheads before that. It was normal to be a redhead. You weren't a freak. No. You were just a person with red hair. No one cared. Now they beat you up. It's literally like bullying if you're a redhead. I was a redhead. Were you really? I was a fucking copper top until I was probably about 11. That's so bizarre. Your hair change color? Yep. How weird is that? It happened to my kids too. Both my kids were redheads

and their hair changed when they got older. As God let you know, I could have fucked you. But I'm gonna let you sly. It's like he got me in a headlock. Yeah, I'm gonna let you go. Yeah, right. Ooh. He gave me a little dick and then it grew bigger.

Oh. I remember having a little dick. Oh, no. Oh, that was the worst feeling when you were a little kid and you know, you just like... Well, you see your dad's dick. Yeah. What the fuck? I know. What is that thing?

The fuck? And why is it always hard? Men's dicks? Like, when you're a boy, they're terrifying. Like, you see some guy pull out his fucking this sausage roll when he's pissing right Yeah, you know a little kid you like what the fuck does he do with that? Yeah, and his balls are hanging like six inches down. Ari's balls or Joey Diaz's balls Yeah, Joey Diaz balls like grapefruit and old ladies pantyhose like what the fuck am I looking at? Those are your balls?

Like what the fuck am I looking at? Those are your balls? His balls look like him. Just like cartoonish. Just fucking hilarious. His balls are hilarious. Oh my god. Balls are hilarious. It's amazing that a woman, why would they have sex with us?

Our penis is awful. Everything about us is gross yeah we're not soft no we're not squeezable and lovable we're not we're not comforting we're grunting we have an agenda yeah thick dense heavy thing on top of you that can kill you and you want it to fuck you what why are you trusting us trusting us to not kill you? Imagine if every woman could kill you. All of them. Every woman that you ever date can literally just strangle you to death and not a damn thing you can do about it. That's what it's like being

a woman. Well, or a gay guy. Well, gay guys can be strong. No, I'm just saying it's weird that there is this accepted power dynamic between a man and a woman when they make love because Well, like you said the woman trusts but we have two guys It's kind of like I don't know what it's like But I think tell me what it's like, you know, it's like son of a bitch You were just about to tell me what it was like you're about to break

You know, I almost did once right right? How close did you get? I've told this story on my podcast, but I'll give a brief version of it. When I was in college, I was an English major and I studied like Allen Ginsberg and Kerouac and all these guys that were into homoerotic stuff. A lot of them were gay. And then, and even Emerson and Whitman, like all that old stuff was all gay imagery. And then there was David Bowie. I love David Bowie.

I loved Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger, and these guys were all fucking around with each other. Yeah. And so I was like, all right, this must be kind of something you do. You experiment with this. That's how they get you. That's how they get you.

They get a couple of mascots. They get the coolest guy in rock and roll. Right? The three coolest guys in rock. City star dust. Yeah. And so, so I was not attracted to men. I never have been.

I can appreciate a handsome man. I think you're not hard on the eyes. Thank you. And then I was like, all right, so I guess I'll, I'm not gonna take it up the ass, but you know. Maybe kiss a little bit. No, I didn't want to do that. Suck a cock? Suck a cock.

And then I realized like, I'm going to do it. And when I do it, it's either going to be like, ugh, or it's going to be like, oh my God, this is fucking amazing. This is incredible. This is what I've been missing. And so I was drunk one night. I was like a junior in college.

And my apartment, remember the Fenway in Boston? Yeah, yeah. The Fenway was like a junior in college. And my apartment, remember the Fenway in Boston? The Fenway was like a wooded area. Like every city has a small wooded area where they grow trees for the reason for anonymous gay sex. The brambles in Manhattan, you got Griffith Park in LA. There's always like a little gay area. So my apartment happened to be, it was on Boylson Street, it was across the street from the Fenway.

So I'm stumbling home one night, it's like three in the morning, and I look at the woods and I go, fuck it, I'm gonna do it. Wow. So I walk in and I'm looking around, I'm like, I don't know the protocol, I don't know how it works,

and I'm just waiting, and then all of a sudden, it's like fucking leaves are blowing and there's shadows, and then this guy just pops out from behind a tree like a little gay leprechaun. He's like, I'm the guy Like all right, I guess he's the guy Wow, and he walks over and we look at each other and then he unzips his pants he pulls out his cock and I'm just looking at it and then he pulls his balls out and I look at the balls and I was like Nope And I'm just looking at it and then he pulls his balls out and I look at the balls and I was like Nope

No interest. I'm fucking out. That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life And so I got scared because I'm now I'm alone in the woods with a guy with his dick out And so I just pushed him away from me Oh Jesus and he fell down and then he jumped up and he just sprinted back into the woods with his dick flopping around I just I just stumbled out and I was like, well, I guess I can't do that. Ow! Ow! He had some poison ivy the next day.

What did people used to do when they didn't have covers over their dick and they had to run through the woods? Right. Like that's a real problem, man. Yeah. Ow! Ow! Like, how many...

If you have pants on and you run through the woods, your dick gets whacked by twigs and shit, but it's kind of okay. And the vagina's got protection. It's got curtains and walls and blinds and... A girl got kicked in the pussy the other day in a UFC fight, and sorry for using the term pussy. Ladies, in this term, it's really not a pussy. It's a woman's vagina, right? Yes.

Cage fighter. Yes. And they went down, and they stopped the fight and give the person time to recover. And I thought about it, I was like, that's interesting. Because I guess it's just you can't hit genitals. But there's a giant difference between balls. And girls can take a pretty good shot to the pussy.

Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah, like if they fall and it hurts, just like it hurts your ass bone. Yeah. It hurts if you hurt your dick, your dad hurts. But the balls, that thing, like I was trying to explain to my wife and daughters were asking me what it's like to get kicked in the balls. And I was like, I've been kicked in the balls a hundred times at least. I've been kicked in the balls a hundred times, at least.

I've been kicked in the balls so many times because I grew up kicking. So I got kicked in the balls by dudes who are really good at kicking. There's been many times in my life where I wasn't sure if my dick was gonna work anymore. Like one time I got kicked in the balls so bad that one of my nuts swole up.

So my right nut, I think it was my right nut swole, I got in a tournament. I threw a kick and this guy threw a kick under my kick and slammed it into my cup. And this is a guy from the Korean national team. He was really good. He kicked me fucking hard. They gave me time out I continued the fight, but I knew it really hurt. I lost the fight and then as I was driving home, I was with my girlfriend and I was thinking at the time, I was like, I don't know if this thing works anymore. Because it was so painful. So I got home and jerked off. And as soon as I jerked off, I'm like, oh, we're good. Wow.

Yeah. Victory. It works. That was the best orgasm of your life. Yeah. So that's the weird thing about the cup, isn't it? I've done that. This is how stupid I am. I've done that twice. Another time I got kneed in the dick, I was doing jujitsu and I didn't have a cup on. The last time I trained without a cup on, this guy was passing my guard and he, you know, it's a standard technique because

he wasn't doing it maliciously. You shove your knees through my guard and he's you know, it's a standard technique because he wasn't doing it maliciously you shove your knees Through the guard when someone's passing your guard. That's the guard is the legs So your legs are wrapped around a person You're trying to work a submission from the bottom and they're trying to pass to get to a better because in the guard It's very difficult to submit someone when you're in their guard You want to get out of their guard and then it's a more dominant position to submit. So he's trying to pass my guard. So he shoves his knee through and his knee caught my dick flat. Just like smashed my dick like ah it fucking hurt like hell.

But I didn't think anything of it. It was like kind of normal for that stuff to happen when you're training hard with guys who are really good. And then afterwards I go to the to the locker room and there's blood in my jock strap. Oh, fuck. So my, my dick is bleeding out my dick hole. So I'm like, okay, what would I do if this was my nose? I was like, I would just go home. It's just a bloody nose.

Like, am I being a pussy because it's my dick? It's a bloody dick. Let's just like, we'll give it the night and if it feels bad, tomorrow we'll go to the doctor. So I get home and I'm like, well how do I know if it works? So I jerked off. I jerked off and blood came out with it. No!

Yeah. This is how, because I did it kind of clinical because I want to know so I did it into the toilet. So I jerked off While I'm doing like what the fuck is wrong with you you're so wrong. You're so broken You're such a crazy person and I was like I think works. It's all good Wow, and so I made the next day make sure didn't get infected next day I was like just checking make sure everything good didn't hurt jerk off again. Next day I was like, just checking, make sure everything's good, didn't hurt.

Jerk off again? No, I let it go for a couple days, just leave it alone. I didn't want it to be sore, but it was fine, it was fine. So some blood vessel burst, just like it would burst in your mouth. I get fat lips all the time, and I was getting cuts in somewhere. I just treated it like that, and then, but it was scary.

I wonder if I hurt that guy's dick in the woods that night. Probably, branches, whacked that thing. somewhere just treated like that and then But it was scary. I Wonder if I hurt that guy's dick in the woods at night probably branches. Yeah Oh fucking squirrels thinking it's nuts diving at it. I Didn't fucking go for just grab it all to your dick a gopher They could chew through a tree and just you know people who've died from gophers before now Yes, a lady died recently. She got bit by a gopher Just bled out Wow, but they chew through trees. Yeah, and they're their teeth never stopped growing Mm-hmm, they have to chew on to wear their teeth out. Yeah, otherwise it'll just go right through their fucking face Yeah, gophers will fuck we went upstate. We just had my 25th anniversary this month. Congratulations.

Thank you. So we went up to Vermont and upstate New York, me and my wife just fucking. It's beautiful up there. Oh my God. Except for the people. Other than that, it's beautiful. Yeah, we didn't see a lot of them.

People are odd. We saw very few people. People that live in those states are odd. We went to a farmer's market. We lived in those states, we were 50 people. Yeah. They're odd. We were staying in a little town,

some friends of mine moved out there. They kind of retired and decided to take up farming. So they moved out to this farm. In Vermont? In Vermont. They look like they're from Vermont too, right? They all look like, you could pick them out of a lineup. Well, we went to the farmers market and it really was like, it was like a caricature. It's like, you know, the dudes that look like, if you push them, they would just crumble. They have like Birkenstocks on. Everybody looks like Bernie Sanders. Everyone's got tie-dye shirts on, and it's just like, good for you guys.

You got your spot. Yeah, they got a spot. They can see you right here. You just gotta tolerate the winters. Yeah. If you can tolerate the winters, you're in like the most uber progressive, but really kind for the most part.

It's like an idelic sort of environment if you're, yeah, there's douchebags everywhere you go. But I know and they're like involved with all this communal farming. They're kind people. Yeah, they all pitch in, they help each other out. Like, my friends have a bunch of land so they let these other farmers graze their animals on the land and, dude, then we went up into the woods and my friends become an expert on hunting for mushrooms. Oh, Jesus. You ever do that? Those people will get you killed.

Oh, yeah. Because there's some that look good and they're not. I know. There's a whole nursing home incident a few years back. Some guys are, I'm an expert mushroom picker. Got some mushrooms and cooked them up for everybody and they all died. No. Yeah.

Some of them will kill you quick. Yeah, we stuck to the chanterelles. Yeah, those are obvious. Morels are real obvious. Those are great. Then they have these ones called lobster mushrooms that actually look like lobster and they taste like lobster. Really?

Yeah, it's freaky. You eat them with butter? We sliced them up and sauteed them. We had them with pasta. Wow. Yeah. There it is. Sacramento Bee, in addition to the untimely deaths of Barbara Lopez and Teresa, try saying that name,

Alice Inuits, four others were sickened after they're given a wild mushroom soup prepared by a caregiver who also consumed the poisonous potage. The caregiver and three elderly residents were hospitalized. Boy, that guy's never cooking for them again. Oh You get you can get Really sick from mushrooms really sick like you could die like quickly from some of them

Some of them amazing like talks when you think about with the death penalty They can never fucking do it They zap people and they survive or they shoot them up and they survive and it's like Give me some fuck. Oh, it happens all the time. Yeah, I thought they all just died They zap people and they survive or they shoot them up and they survive and it's like, give me some fuck, oh, it happens all the time. Yeah. Really, I thought they all just died. No, a lot of times they fuck up and they have to do

a few passes at it. Isn't it funny that they don't shoot them? Yeah. So I'm saying, there's so many ways to kill somebody effectively. Yeah, you just need a tarp and a shotgun. Yeah. And it's over.

And like the old days, the shooting squads, only one person would have live ammunition so that nobody felt the guilt. You'd have like four or five shooters. And they didn't tell you whose was the live round. Oh, really? Yeah. I thought it was a couple guys had duds.

Yeah, maybe a couple. Yeah, because you need more than one guy. What if that one guy just hits him in the ear like the guy did Trump? Yeah, I a couple. Yeah, because you need more than one guy. What if that one guy just hits him in the ear like the guy did Trump? Yeah I know. Fuck. And the guy's like, what the fuck is going on? You all missed?

This is crazy. Maybe the God has spoken. Yeah. God has said, I shouldn't be killed. I say some of these action movies, you see them fucking running around shooting at each other and you go like, wait a minute, this guy was just a rooftop with a sight and hitting somebody from 300 yards away and now he can't hit him from he's fucking running down the street and they're missing each other with 20 shots a lot harder though yeah harder yeah a sniper shot is all

just about not having any excess movement right and controlling your breath yeah so when a sniper shoots they're prone for the most part, meaning they're lying down, so you cut out all the movement. Your shoulders rested. You ever seen like a sniper shoot? Their shoulders rested, you know, they have the stock pressed against their body, and all they're doing is controlling this finger and not flinching and controlling their breathing and keeping the... Because know a lot of them a lot of these guys

can shoot from a mile away now. A mile away. And do they factor in gravity on the bullet? They factor in a bunch of different things. They a lot of times they're using apps. You can use an app and you also use an app for the wind. So you want to know like which way the wind's blowing and where to hold, you know, and then you have a scope that's dialed out, like it's zeroed out at a very specific yardage, whatever it is, so you just put the crosshair wherever it is. A lot of times if someone's hunting they would do it like zeroed out at a hundred yards. So it effectively would be

up or down maybe four inches and 300 yards or 400 yards. Yeah, so really fast shooting flat shooting rifle You zero them out. So this guy's got to zero this thing out at fucking How many thousand yards is a mile? How long is that? What is that in yards? Twelve twelve so I've heard of guys shooting 1500 yard shots. 15, no shit. Yeah, so there's so much equipment. It has to be so dialed in.

I mean, they're sighting in these things on ranges and it's so specific. 1700, sorry. 1700, okay. That's so specific. 1700, sorry. 1700, okay. That's so crazy, that's so far away. That's so far away you can barely see it. That's a mile. So they're looking through this insane scope on this rifle and they've got this crosshair

on some dude's head that's a mile away and they go, boom, and then you just wait. Takes a second. Yeah, I think it takes two seconds. How many seconds does it take for? Let's say a 300 win mag 300 win mag at 1700 yards a Standard like high-powered rifle round that they would use. I don't know if that's what they would use for snipers

And you like those guys are very the long-range guys are very different than any other kind of shooter. Yeah. They're all about the the science and the tech and all the stuff that's involved in getting the win. Like I have a buddy of mine who does long-range shooting. He's not a tactical, just a gun enthusiast who likes long-range shooting. competitions now and they just shoot steel And you hear boom think It's like quite a long while afterwards. Yeah, so like if you're shooting an animal and it's walking it's super unethical

Yeah, because you don't know what that thing's gonna do in the time between you shooting the gun like with a bow and arrow You never shoot at a walking animal okay because they're moving right or if you do you have to be a real expert and you would lead you would like shoot them in the front of the shoulder to get into the vitals as they're walking but that's like it's as an added element of whoo how much how much adjusting do you do when you're shooting the crossbow like as far as wind and distance? Crossbows are a little bit more accurate and they shoot a bolt instead of an arrow. So it's smaller and it's probably because it's smaller it's not going to have as much

effect by wind. It's going to have less to move around, less mass to move around. They're very fast though. Those bolts are way faster than an arrow. Like an arrow, if you have a really fast bow, your arrow is probably going to go between 300 and 340 feet per second. That's normal. That's normal for like a high speed bow.

But for a crossbow,, but for a crossbow? What's the fastest crossbow? I bet it's like 500 plus. And then you also have a scope on a crossbow and a trigger. It's much more accurate. You could just put that thing on, bang, bang, bang. You know, it's way more accurate out like at a hundred yards. And you can go pop, pop, bang, you know, it's way more accurate out like at a hundred yards. And you can go pop, pop, pop fast? Nah, you can't, no, you'd have to reload it.

I was just- Oh, you reload each shot? Yeah, you have to reload each shot. There's one guy who invented a thing for a compound bow. It's kind of crazy. It's like, it's all these arrows stacked in. He's got like this device and you draw it back and you can shoot one arrow

after another. 600 feet per second. That's like when you took me shooting, remember when we went shooting up in the valley at that guy's ranch? And he had, it was a shotgun, but he set it up like an AK-47, so you could shoot a shotgun, but like, pa pa pa pa pa pa paah, pah, pah, pah. Yeah, Tarot Tactical.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that was the cra... You're like, you want to shoot tomorrow? That's in the John Wick movie. I was like, yeah, I figured we're going to some range with a bunch of yuppies, shoot, and IZOD shirts and flip-flops. And I walk out and we drive down.

I get off the highway, get to a dirt road, down the dirt road, get to a fucking dirt driveway. I'm like, where the fuck are we going? And we get to this place and it's Ukrainian chicks in yoga shorts and like crop tops and they are the most bad ass. They are fucking master shots. And we get down there and what was the guy's name that runs it? Taron. Yeah, holy shit.

He taught Keanu Reeves for all the John Wick movies. He taught Halle Berry when she was in John Wick. He teaches anytime a celebrity needs to learn how to look like a real assassin, they go to that guy. He's a multiple time champion. You know when they do those, they have a course and you run the course and you know like, teep, and they time you and you ta ta ta ta ta ta ta. That guy wins all those fucking things.

Really? Oh, he's a wizard. Yeah, he's like revered for his prowess for the gun. Is he a military guy? No, I don't think so. He's just a psycho. And what about the women? Where do they come from? I think that's his social media ploy.

And then a lot of those women are real actual competitors. They do those same sort of competitions. They just happen to be tens. Have you ever seen those gun competitions? No. Well, they're fun to watch. See if you can find one of those where they run a course. So they time them, and it's all about accuracy and speed.

But if you're a hot chick and you can get involved in something that's a primarily male thing. What is the ratio of male gun enthusiasts to female gun enthusiasts? Is it seven to three? Oh, way more. I'm being nice. Yeah, you're being very nice.

I'm being real nice. So if you're a hot chick in yoga shorts and you're also awesome with a gun, you get a lot of attention. No, one of the biggest social media accounts is this girl who's a real, she's super hot, full-figured golfer. Oh, of course. Oh, she's huge.

Of course, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you can get, if you're hot in that world, you know, a world of like dopey men, that's a great ploy, it's a good move. It's like being a one of those Women that attracts feet like share or bet middler the tracks gay guys That's the best draw Chelsea handler like they all get all these gay guys showing up

They got that they got that, you know, no no children money children money kicking around in their pockets. Yeah. No children money is real money. Although now most have children. Do you know that those guys get divorced the least? I love that. That's amazing. Yeah. The ratio is, correct me if I'm wrong, with male-female, it's like 50% but it's skewed. It's not really 50%.

What it is is a lot of people are serial divorces. So they get married and get divorced, get married and get divorced. Like the amount of people that stay together is probably higher than 50% but there's a bunch of Jennifer Lopez's out there fucking up the curve. There's a bunch of people that get like four or five marriages five six seven marriages people are out of their minds, right? Yeah Then there's lesbians That's real high. That's like 70 plus percent of divorced. Yeah 70 plus percent, but then there's gay guys Gay guys, I think it's a 26 percent divorce ratio. Yep. Super low dude because you get to hang out with it Oh shit. Yep, super low.

Dude, because you get to hang out with a dude. You get to hang out. I would love to marry you. We would have such a good time. We'd have so much fun. We'd have fun all the time. It's just like chicken out every time it was time to suck your dick.

I'd be like, sorry, man. I don't like how that thing looks. You'd be like, shit. Your balls. I should have dressed my balls up nice for Greg Yeah, gay guys they're hanging out with guys I mean I joked around about it my special like I would that I wish I was gay Cuz it's like if that's what you liked like you're hanging out with a bunch of guys Sounds fun as long as they're not annoying right you know because an annoying like

An annoying girl is not as annoying as an annoying guy Annoying guys can be a real problem. Like aggro annoying guys? Yeah. They're worse than anything. You never feel comfortable. You're always in this state of, oh god. They're always trying to one up everybody.

Something can happen here. Something stupid. This guy could break a bottle and drink from it. You know, there's morons out there. Annoying guys are dangerous. Annoying girls are just usually just annoying. Just an annoying human. They don't have that element of this could be dangerous. That's a good point. Yeah. Especially if they're big. Big drunk guys are scary. Yeah, they can fucking they get those gopher eyes their eyes their pupils go away. They just look at Fucking zombie. I wonder what the stats are drunk driving between men and women

I bet it's so much higher with dudes just crazy dudes Cuz a lot of girls like I can fucking do it. Uh-huh. I can fucking do it Yeah, you know, but then men are like, I'm not even drunk, bro Yeah, my dad used to drunk drive crazy. He crashed a car into a tree and died and they brought him back to life In an emergency room for weeks men are four times more drunk driving Four times more drunk driving related accidents than women drunk male drivers cause 80% of the drunk driving fatalities documented. Holy shit. 81% of people arrested for drunk driving were men, only 19% were women. How many of those women just had big tits? And they, ma'am, we'll take you home. You live

by yourself? Yeah, cops have a weakness for drunk women for sure Oh, yeah, well, there's some fucking hilarious body cams out there of girls going out to anything Please please don't arrest me. I'll do anything. Yeah, what was the one where she goes? She goes don't you want to help out a pretty whim pretty woman and he goes well if I see one I'll help her out I never know how many of them are real these days. Because I think these days, there's a lot of people who fake police interactions and they do stuff for clout.

They stage things for clout. They'll make a viral video of like a fake fight, people throwing things at each other, all for clout. I like the one where the father and the son, they always do these big crazy physical stunts where like they destroy the living room and have a fight and they scream at each other, but it's so real.

I bought it the first two times then I was like, oh no, they're not fighting this often, this hard, they wouldn't still be living together. Right. But it's so funny. Oh, that's funny. Yeah. But it's so funny. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, you can trick people today.

There's a lot of fake stuff going on, you know? Yeah. A lot of fake. How many war footage videos were out, people go, that's from a video game. Like, what? Well, I guess Faces of Death, a lot of those were fake. Yep. Yeah, a lot of them.

The war footage stuff is crazy because that's how good the video games are. Those video games are so good today that you watch, especially if you're looking at it on your phone, right? Especially my eyes, my eyes aren't that good. And I'm looking at some fucking jet getting shot down. I'm like, wow, that's crazy.

Look at how high res that is. Kudos to the camera guy. I really, then I'm like, oh, it's a video game, you fucking idiot well how much longer until like you know the AI nudes are so fucking real oh yeah and now they're making AI nude videos not just stills yeah well they can do AI porn for sure yeah I mean I haven't seen it but I'm sure it exists because they can do AI scenes with human beings that are indiscernible. You cannot tell. The Sora, the newest technology,

have you seen it? Google that. Bring that one up Jamie of the Tokyo street. So they have this footage that is all just a prompt. So they put in a prompt to this AI like drone footage of Tokyo Street while it's snowing and this Video is entirely fake and it looks exactly like someone flew a drone over Tokyo The people are moving in random manners. They're moving at different speeds. They look they look natural. Look at this This is all fake, dude. This is even six months old, I think this is newer stuff now too. So it's even better than this.

Look at that. This is insane. Look how good the texture looks on the snow, like on how it varies. I mean, all the people, the fucking, it's just wild, man. And this is the stuff that we know about. You know, this is the stuff, I mean, for sure they have some new version of this, but they just haven't released to the public yet. Well, and

also how it's affecting the entertainment business. Like, Tyler Perry just was about to build a billion dollar studio in Atlanta. It's because that. No, when he saw that, he canceled the plans. He's like, we don't need physical production any longer. Yeah, it was an $800 million facility he was putting down. He saw Sora, that's what he saw. Oh, okay. And they realized like, oh, we don't need any of this

anymore, they're not gonna need actors either. Which is like part of the strike was that they were trying to own the digital rights to a person like say if If they paid you your background extra They don't have to keep paying extras. So what will own all their faces? Yeah, they stand and they get shot in a green screen from like eight different angles for a half an hour And then they own them for life. This is newer. This is 11 days old. It says it was posted by OpenAI. Jesus Christ, man.

They're all looking at a UFO. This is bananas. This is completely bananas. This is all AI-generated. Not to mention, the scripts are going to be mostly AI-generated. Oh, yeah, 100%. But that's the thing I'm saying about this, that when they're doing this stuff and putting this stuff into a prompt, it's easy.

It's like instantaneous. And so what they were trying to do with these background, like imagine you're a background guy. You just moved to Hollywood, you want to get work as an actor, so you decide to take a background gig in a movie. You sign this thing up. But then you wind up becoming successful. That's how almost all actors get started. Sure.

They start as background people, or work on the crew, they get auditions. That's Harrison Ford. He was a fucking carpenter, right? But now they have your likeness for the rest of your life, and they can just shove you in movies. Hey, why is Harrison Ford in that fucking movie? Yeah, oh well Harrison Ford was an extra you know Yeah, so they don't need to shoot new stuff. They can use old footage. I don't need Anything anymore they could do John Wayne movies, but really sophisticated like Tarantino John Wayne movie Like they could do that right now like someone in AI using this program

wait maybe not now maybe five months from now can make a John Wayne Tarantino film like make a Western but in the style of Quentin Tarantino with the same type of dialogue Like that Robert Rodriguez would direct with him Yeah, and put that together and they can make it in the style of these guys They just look at kill Bill look at reservoir dogs. Okay, we kind of know what he's into Bam and it's moody it's dark there's rain dripping from the ceiling you're looking at the gun before he shoots the guy the pupils dilate the fucking the, the pores, guys got a

pockmarked face from acne scars, I mean they can do everything man, it looks like a real movie. And a movie is a little easier to do than video, I would think, because in a movie you make the background blurry. It's a little softer, yeah. That's a weird thing, like we like films where we that doesn't look real. We like a film where when you're talking everybody in the background is blurry. I don't want to see everybody in the background

crystal clear. I remember the first time I got a high-def TV it threw me. I was like this looks fake. is a fake yeah everything was too much in my face and I think Tarantino still shoots on film yeah I think his films are all done on film I think the problem with video is it's too good yeah it's too good like soap operas like don't they shoot those on film or in video they shoot them on video it's probably sure it's video because the editing is so much easier. When you edit film, you have to convert it and then edit it and then you convert it back

again. Oof. And so when you, like I've written on TV shows that were film and first of all, you can't do as many takes in a row because you have to change the reels on the cameras. Yeah. So you get to get in, you know, two or three takes and you got to stop down for five minutes and reload. I'm pretty sure News Radio was film. Yeah, I'm get to get in, you know two or three takes and you got to stop down for five minutes and reload I'm pretty sure news radio was film

Yeah, I'm sure it was you know 90% and I think fear factor was not Usually multi-camera is when you're in a studio like everybody loves Raymond or something like that. That's that's usually shot digitally I think they tried to do it digitally like one episode or something time. Maybe I'm remembering maybe it was something else I did but I remember they were trying to make this transition But people didn't like the way it looked there was a video on Advertisement the other day with Tom Cruise and someone else and they were talking about the settings on your television That if you have the settings in your television set from the factory Incorrectly, it can make these brilliant films look too much like video that if you have the settings in your television set from the factory incorrectly,

it can make these brilliant films look too much like video. Because of whatever funky shit they're doing to make the television look clearer and crisper, which is great in most things, but it's not great when you're watching a film that's been sort of designed to get you to focus on specific things and have a background more blurry.

Right. Like I remember the first time I saw, one of the Star Wars films, like Return of the Jedi or one of those, and I saw it on a high resolution big screen TV. I was like, this looks like dog shit. Yeah. The background was so fake.

It was like so clearly like a painting of a spaceship in the background. It looked so corny, but in the movies it looked perfect. Yeah, right. Yeah, I was gonna shoot my special on film. I actually was talking to Kodak and getting like getting the reels and it ended up it was gonna be three times more expensive to shoot it on film. Oof. But but think about like live at the Sunset Strip or... Oh, yeah. I mean just it felt like you were in the room. You could smell it and feel it, you know? It's also a time capsule too, though, right?

Yeah. There's something about that where you're like, God, Richard Pryor was like 35 back then. Look at him, you know? Look at the crowd. Look at the audience. This is wild. What was it like back then?

Imagine being alive back then and sitting in that audience back then, like, fuck. Right. Is there any good footage of Lenny Bruce? There's some, a lot of black and white stuff. I would love to see that. Yeah, there's a lot of unfortunate footage. That was him when he was kind of going crazy at the end of his life.

He was just reading from transcripts of his trial. Yeah, yeah. Did you ever see those? Yeah, that's bad. They're weird. Yeah. They're weird. Yeah. They're weird. Yeah. Because people don't know what they're listening to. Like, why am I listening to this? He became obsessed with his trial. Uh huh. Trials. You know, they were just putting

that guy in jail for doing something we do every night, which is really crazy. Yeah. Really crazy. Yeah. There we go. From 1965. I'm happy alone, don't you see? I've convinced you. I don't know how to get so dramatic about it. You better off alone, man. I got to, that's it. I'm going to get a whole bunch of new suits. You know, I've had the same dumb suit for 10 years.

You walk in her closet, you can't even breathe. That's it. I'll get a whole bunch of suits. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch.

I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. new suits you know I've had the same dumb suit for 10 years you walk in her closet you can't even breathe that's it I'll get a whole bunch of suits I'll get a chick that likes to hang out man I'll get it I'll have no vodka party that's modern vodka party swing it up all that I'll get a chip I got a chick likes to

drink boy my wife sure used to look good standing up against the sink. She's the lowest though. I really put her down. No, no, I really miss her. I don't want some sharp chick that can coat Kerouac and walk with poise. I just want to hear my old lady say, get up and fix the sink. It's still making noise all alone all alone like a near-sighted dog wears the bone this isn't probably the best example that I

don't know why you picked that but the oldest version of him I like that fucking suit yeah it is a sharp suit. That is, and all that shit. You know what's great? The Dustin Hoffman film where he plays him. He did a fucking phenomenal job. He did. He did a fucking phenomenal job.

Dustin Hoffman nailed it. He nailed it. It's tough to play a comedian when you're not a comedian. There's something you can't put your finger on about the rhythm of it. Well, you know they're faking it. Well, you know who's not bad? As if you've seen that show Hacks?

No. Jean Smart. She's fucking good. She's a great actress, but she pulls it off. Well, the lady who did Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Oh, yeah, yeah. She pulled it off. She pulled it off.

Yeah. That was Joan Rivers it's based on basically, right? I don't know. It seems like it's the same time. It seems a little. I think maybe, maybe an influence, but I think it's a pretty unique fictional story of someone who's friends with Lenny Bruce.

Hacks is definitely based on Joan Rivers. Oh really? Because she has a whole QVC line and it's a lot of the same stuff. But then the woman that plays, she's got like this writer who's like her, she writes for her and goes on the road with her, played by Lorraine Newman's daughter. I can't remember her name, but she's fucking great. You know what the best conspiracy theory about Joan Rivers is? That she was killed because

she outed Michelle Obama for being a man. Midge Maisel from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was inspired by real life comedian Joan Rivers sharing similarities in their upbringing, education and performing at the Gaslight Cafe in New York. She nails it though. Rachel Brosnahan, is that how you say her name? Yeah, she's so talented. Nails it. Nails it. I think she's won at least two Emmys for that show.

Yeah, she nails it. The first season and the second season are amazing. I trailed off in the third season. I bailed off in the third season also. You know what it got? It got very schticky. It got very Jewish sounding. Almost like a Neil Simon play.

I want to see the struggle in her trying to make it, because it's kind of crazy that this housewife decides to become a comedian, and she's actually really talented, and kind of wild and crazy. But then once she starts making, I'm bored. Because now you're in Nonsense Land. Now she's going to be glamorous, or she's doing USO tours. Like, shut the fuck up.

You know who's great in that show is Kevin Pollock. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's really strong. He is great in that. He's one of those guys that just like he could do a lot Are you ever see his IMDB page? Hundreds of roles. Oh, yeah. Yes play bad guys good guys. Yeah, it's a good comic too. Yes. Yeah, it's um it's hard for people to pull off because

You got to really be doing it because if you're not really doing it I know you're not really doing it like if it's not really making the audience laugh, like even if you had to do your act and there was a crowd of people that were paid to laugh at your act. So you have to do your act, they see you do it over and over and over again,

take five and they have to ha ha ha ha. I'm gonna know you're not connecting with them, I'm gonna know they're not connecting with you. You're never really gonna be able to do that in a movie unless the guy actually does stand-up. Yeah. Like if Louis CK was gonna do a movie about a comic and he would have to like do stand-up and you know he used to do that in Louis, right? Yeah. In Louis at the beginning of the show he would do a little stand-up. Well they, if you, he actually did the stand-up though. That was actual real stand-up. I

think Seinfeld too did that. You got real audiences. The only way to do it. If you have a movie and you have a bunch of people that are being paid to sit and be audience members, like the whole dynamic is fucked. It's never gonna be real. It has to be real.

You'd have to just bring in crowds. Just bring in a bunch of crowds. Like have a comic do it and film it at a theater, film four shows. This is the only way you're gonna do it. You have to actually do it this way. And you might have to swap out the crowds because you're doing multiple takes.

You're just bringing a new one after two hours. Yeah, well instead of doing multiple takes, what you would do is you would just film all the standup and then splice it into the show or the movie. That's what you would do. That's the only way to do it and make it real. Tom, remember, what was Tom Hanks once? That punch line, yeah, it was terrible with Sally Fields. Oh my God, they had lockers at the comedy club.

They already had their own locker. Remember, we were like, you and I had just started back then. Because that was like when that was going on. And I remember thinking, God, the difference in real life and these fucking movies is so crazy. But it was also, when they were doing stand up, it wasn't funny. It wasn't real. There was nothing. It wasn't locked in, you know? No. And he hadn't, uh, and it's always that same storyline, every comedy,

which, you know, like there's an element of truth to it, but like they're, they're starting out, they've got a shtick and then somebody, an older person pulls by and go, hey man, you gotta just be yourself. You gotta use your own voice. And then all of a sudden they go up with no script, but they just are themselves. I mean, they did it in Maisel, but it's true. I mean, it is true to a certain extent, but they just hit so hard. But she had material in Maisel. She had a lot of shit that she was on her mind. She had stories. Yeah. She wanted to tell those stories she thought were hilarious. That was a little different, but wanted to tell those stories she thought were hilarious. Yeah.

That was a little different, but Punchline was just nonsense. Oh my God. But although I heard a story, you remember Lucian Holt from the comic strip? Look at him walk. Wait there, oh that's Taylor. The locker room I was showing you.

Taylor something, he was super talented. Yeah, he was a super nice guy too. Yeah. What was his last name? He died a few years back. Negron? Taylor Negron? That's it. Funny dude. Very nice guy.

Came up to me to improv one night. Cool conversation. But Lucian Holt brought me to his apartment. Lucian Holt by the way. He had mixed feelings because anytime you're a club booker, you're gonna have a certain number of people that just are not a fan, because they didn't get passed. But Lucian was an amazing guy.

He was a curator of Eddie Murphy, of Chris Rock. Like, he was the guy that brought people through the strip. Adam Sandler. And he brought me to his apartment one time, and he had wall to wall videos, back when everything was half inch VHS tapes, walls of everybody's first times. Wow.

And so he showed me when Tom Hanks came in for Punchline, he only did stand up for like three nights and he came into this strip and he did it. And I gotta be honest, like he came in and he had some written material and he fucking did good and then someone heckled and he like annihilated them and then got back into the team material I was like fuck this guy this is him oh is that is that the tape 1987 yeah his son by arm wrestling a bald guy in Stallone's back.

Stallone areas in arm wrestling competition. Now do you think Stallone wins the competition by any chance? Is this the most exciting thing to make a movie about, arm wrestling? Ha! You know, you can bet this bald guy is going gonna get Stallone over like this at some point. You know, I think they're gonna have the close-ups. The hand, the eye, the hand, the eye. Dude, first time.

Pretty fucking good. Pretty fucking good. With the pauses. Yeah, timing. The first Stallone pauses, the flashback sequence to his son. Poppy, Poppy, over the top. This place is gonna go nuts. See, they should have used that in the movie.

Exactly. So that was good. Make it look grainy. No, no, no, no, it doesn't have to be grainy. But that, film him actually doing stand up. That's what you should have done. So it's not that he sucked, because right there he just did it. But he was at flip the top

Nobody knows how to use these goddamn things It's amazing how many people you give him a Calibri lighter, and they just well. I think man is covering fire. Oh So if they use that I Would have bought that movie that would have been a much better movie. How did they not know that yeah? You're doing a film on stand-up. Yeah, and you're gonna have comics you could have just had them doing stand-up. Yep actually do stand-up Just get a comedy club you say Tom Hanks is gonna perform. It's gonna sell out and you say oh and ladies and gentlemen you guys are gonna be in a movie so you do not heckle and

Have a great show. All right. Oh my god, we're gonna be a movie. This is amazing. You'd be extra excited, all happy. It would be great. It would have been a great movie. But maybe, no. Sally feels jokes are terrible in that movie. I'd like to see her sad. You know who wrote all the jokes?

Who? Barry Sobel. The dude on Purposely Bad? No, I think they gave him like five minutes. I don't know. He was in it. He used to kill it back then. Barry Sobel? Oh yeah, when I first started coming to the store, Was it purposely bad? No, I think they gave him like five minutes of whatever. I don't know. He was in it. He used to kill it back then.

Barry Selvill? Oh, yeah. When I first started coming to the store, he was one of the big names there. Yeah. He was on MTV a lot back then. I remember that was the guy from Punchline. But it was quite a while afterwards, right? So this was like 94 and that movie was like 88.

And he was still kind of doing that same kind of character. That was a weird thing about the store in 94. It's like, you know when a wave hits a shore and then pulls back, you see like driftwood and shit just get stuck on the beach. That was the store in 94. Because Kinnison was this wave. And Kinnison and that movement was this wave that washed over comedy in Hollywood and

Then Kinnison left the store and then Kinnison died in a car accident Yeah, and then I came to store like two years later, and it was like beechwood You know it's like fucking driftwood and bottle caps and shit All right, it's like there was a lot of guys there that should have not been doing stand-up anymore They had been doing the same act for 30 years. It was weird Bodax got like I was like this is the Comedy Store Like this is weird and there was 18 people in the crowd and then like Dom Arera would go up or someone legit would show Up or Damon Wayans would show up and you go. Oh, it's still some good guys here. There's still some good guys here.

But it was, um... When Kinnison was around, it was packed! Because there was, like, this vibrant energy to comedy in Hollywood, and I missed that wave. God, I wish I could have seen it. Imagine that Robin Williams popping in. Nuts. Fuck.

Going, I hope he doesn't do my material. Yeah, he was in the crowd one night. I was at the Comedy Cellar and he was in the crowd. Just sits for some reason. He was drunk. It was like he had had a lapse and he started heckling me, but like in a playful way. Like he wanted to like improv and fuck around.

Wanted to play. Yeah. So I did, I played with him. I couldn't, I don't know where I got it in me, but I was like shitting on him for being Mork from Ork and he was laughing. He didn't jump up on the stage, which would have been fucking sweet.

But, and then he hung out after, I met him a few times, fucking sweetest guy in the world and not at all how he is on stage. Like very sweet, very minimal, calm, very much like interested in you, like ask you questions. I met him once at the improv, and I didn't know I was talking to him until like a couple minutes into our conversation.

Oh shit. So I did a show at the improv, then afterwards I was taking pictures. So I was in the front bar and there's a line of people just taking pictures, saying hi to people. And this guy comes up and he said, that was really wonderful, I really loved really loved this one bit and he's talking to me about this bit. He's like, that bit was like, God, the courage to say that.

And I'm like, this is Robin Williams. Like, he had a big white beard and a hat on and I didn't realize it. Well, thank you, man. I go over, I really appreciate it. Thank you for coming. He goes, yeah, I really wanted to watch your set. It was really fun. Wow. That's pretty cool. I was like, wow. It was cool. But I was like, this is the craziest thing. He goes, yeah, I really wanted to watch your set. It was really fun. Wow, that's pretty cool. I was like, wow. It was cool. But I was like, this is the craziest thing. He didn't introduce himself.

I'm Robin Williams. He waited in line. Nobody noticed that he was in line. Because he had this big beard, big beard, and glasses, and a hat on. And it took me like, I was like, oh shit. Super nice guy. Super nice guy.

I wish there wasn't that joke stealing thing connected with him, but I think in his defense, I think he was kind of crazy. I don't think he remembered he was doing it. I think it was just like, it was sticky. Jokes were sticky to him. And then they came up because he was improvising. And I read this article about it.

That's a nice, that's a hopeful way of thinking. You hope he didn't know he was doing it. It was like, fucking, I'm doing it anyway. I want to make it. He used to steal so much from Rick Overton that he was getting, he would just call his manager and be like, he did it again. And they just cut him a check.

But it was like, you know, money doesn't cover it. That's your tool belt. That's taking somebody's- Now with that, it could be the difference between you making it and not making it, right? You can have one bit, like sometimes for a comic, it's one bit that you base an entire career on. And you have this one bit, and this bit shows you

that with the proper focus and a subject where you're really connected to it, you can come up with a banger. So I can fuck, and you can headline and close with that. And if some guy just does that on TV, they have just hamstringed your act. You don't have a closer anymore. And maybe you base other stuff on that bit. Maybe it's like you point to it at previous times so that the end part, it's even funnier

because it's kind of a callback, like, oh! Yeah. And I've seen it happen to guys, where their career just, just tanked. You remember Larry Miller's closing bit on the 10 stages, or how many stages of being drunk? He closed with that shit for years and people demanded it

because it was just it was an act out so you didn't get sick of seeing it. Right, right. And he honed it over the year. I mean he's such a craftsman. He's such an exacting performer and such a precise writer. And then I saw some guy doing that bit and I was like, dude! I mean I hate to bring up Mencia but like it was like that thing with Cosby with the football thing like yeah like dude that's like exact not only that it's a legendary bit yeah that's what's crazy but I think people did things before they understood the internet because they didn't understand that there's gonna be real consequences. It's not just some people talking about things It's a video that shows the bit by Cosby and then your bit back to back

Yeah, you could if there's a thing that happened because of the internet where it wasn't a rumor anymore It was like you could just see it right in front of your face and go. Oh There's no way well, especially when it's more than one bit and they put a compilation together, then it's like, wow. Also, there's a thing that happens with those guys where you see there's a stark contrast between the material they steal and the material they write themselves.

Like the material they write themselves, this doesn't make any sense. It's like they're doing a caricature of the guy who is killing with the jokes with that same attitude. But now you have nothing connected to it, but you have all this confidence. But it doesn't make any sense.

And when they get caught, then they have to do their own stuff. And you usually, it's a fucking drop off a cliff. It's a drop off a cliff, the difference between the early stuff where they weren't stealing, or they were stealing rather, and the later stuff where they have to write their own stuff. Well, also when you get guys that aren't just taking,

and not just guys, women obviously, who aren't just taking the jokes, but they're taking the persona. Like how many guys did we see being Bill Hicks back in the day? Well, there was a sign in the green room of the punch line in Atlanta. Quit trying to be Hicks back in the day? Well, there was a sign in the green room of the punch line in Atlanta, quit trying to be Hicks.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, somebody, the back green room of the punch line in Atlanta, or yeah, in Atlanta was awesome because there was a bunch of people that signed the wall. You know, the walls were all signed. And it was like, wow, that guy was like Mitch Hedberg.

And there's a big sign, somebody wrote quit trying to be Hicks. That's awesome. Yeah. That was awesome. Yeah. That was a great club, Atlanta Punchline. Oh, perfect club. Perfect old wooden club. Perfect club.

And it had, they must have done comedy 30 years there. Oh yeah. They moved to a, it's funny because it's not as big of a place and it's connected to like a diner, but it's still kind of got the magic of the old punchline. That's great. Atlanta Krauser. We did a nice theater in Atlanta one time.

Yeah. Remember that? Yeah, that was fun. That was fun as shit. Yeah, Atlanta's great. It's a great comedy place. Yeah. It's um, you know it sucks they had to lose that original spot though. That original spot was so perfectly designed.

I think it was literally crumbling by the end. Was it? Yeah. Oh, the building was falling apart? I think it was a teardown. Yeah. And I just like, there's something about old clubs where you really can feel the history.

Oh yeah, like Zanies. Zanies in Nashville. Yeah. The punchline in San Francisco. Denver Comedy Works. I'm there next week. Yeah, you feel it in the walls. Yeah. It's like so many people have laughed there. So many people have had good times there.

It's like burned into the building. And also I think the staff, you can tell a great club because you go back year after year and it's the same staff. Yeah. You know, you got people that, you know, it's a waitress that she's been working there 20 years, but she's got a day job, but she's like, fuck that. I'm still coming in on Friday nights because these are my friends, you know? And I get to see all the comics that she's been working there 20 years, but she's got a day job, but she's like, fuck that. I'm still coming in on Friday nights because these are my friends, you know?

And I get to see all the comics that I've loved over the years. And yeah, all those clubs. And then you go to some of these bigger clubs where they're like a chain and the turnover is fast. Yeah, there's a big difference. Yeah. It's also, it's like, you have a regular job. Yeah, it's also it's like

Yeah, regular job on a restaurant or something like that like yeah boring. Yeah, not boring when rather go see comedy Yeah, fun laugh. Everybody's drinking. Uh-huh. It's a festive environment Yeah, if you're not like listening to the comic if someone's killing you're in the room and someone's killing feels good Yeah, yeah, he's got some good energy to it. I know. And it's also, my niece moved out to San Diego and I got her a job as a waitress at the comedy store in La Jolla. Oh wow. And so she hit the ground running because like, you know, you don't know people

and all of a sudden she's working with a staff of people that are all fun as shit and they work together and then they all go out for drinks afterwards and now she's got a real job and she's, yeah, she's still working there one or two nights a week. That comedy store in La Jolla is another one of those places. It's a classic room, classic room.

You can kill in that room. Ooh, yeah, I know. Quite a few people have done specials there. Well, I think the store is actually setting out to do a bunch of specials down there. They've got some good people that they've kind of hired to do a production wing of the store. It's a perfect room.

Yeah. Perfect room. Yeah. It's actually even better than the OR, because there's less people going in, there's less noise. The OR has the problem with that hallway. That hallway sucks.

And it's also not LA. So you've got a little bit of a better cross-section of people. Yeah. Yeah. More fun. Less pretense. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, more fun. Yeah. Less pretense. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a problem with LA. Everybody in the audience wants to be on stage. Yeah. Even if they're not fun, they wish they were or they could have been, maybe that could have been me. Yeah. You know? It's not like this is Mike, you know, Mike as a fucking, runs a John Deere factory.

He likes to go out with his wife on the weekend and laugh. That's it, like a normal guy. Just a human, you know, everybody wants, like that whole town is at least poisoned by people that wanna be famous. Is at least some aspect of it, the radiation from that Chernobyl, is in everything. In everything that everybody does. There's a certain percentage of bullshit

that exists in normal conversations in Hollywood that just doesn't exist in the rest of the country. No, I was just in New York last week and all anybody talks about in New York is they talk about politics in a smart way, they talk about culture, they talk about writers, and then you go back to LA and they just all talk about showbiz. Like even your doctor, your doctor wants to talk about his famous clients and he's got headshots on his wall. It's like, you're a fucking doctor.

I don't care that Leonard Nimoy used to come here. He's dead. You failed. All headshots. All over the wall. Yeah. It's so strange. My shrink said to me one time, he goes, I was telling him about how I was down.

I don't know if you remember this, but I used to do Stern a lot. And Stern, I asked him to write the foreword to my book. And do you remember this story? I do remember, yeah. Yeah, so he basically ran me through the mill, and it was a bit, it was a radio bit, it wasn't mean-spirited, but- It was a little mean-spirited.

Well, it came off way worse than the reality of it was. Well, explain it to people that don't know what we're talking about. Well, so I asked him to write the foreword to my book, and then he said on the air, there's a million things I'd rather do than sit down and write this for it. And I think the intent was he didn't want people coming to him and ask him to do things like this, or he'd be doing it all the time.

So I asked him to do it, and he just starts busting my balls and calling me at home and saying I don't want to do this and blah, blah, blah. So I go to my shrink, and I'm talking saying, I don't wanna do this and blah, blah, blah. So I go to my shrink and I'm talking about, I have depression. Let's let that sit for a second. Whew. And he says to me, he goes, it's so weird, I should have never fucking told him this.

He goes, I have a patient that came in and he said, he's having a hard time lately. And I said, well, what's going on? And he goes, well, my boss at work is a fucking douche. My wife keeps telling me that I'm not emotional know emotional enough and then there's this guy named Greg Fitzsimmons on the Howard Stern show and they're just torturing him it's just and I go you should fucking tell me that oh my god he shouldn't have told you that and now you're walking through the streets thinking everybody stares yeah

like that fucking loser yeah Yeah, look at him Yeah, that's the problem with having that kind of a platform. Uh-huh But uh, but I'm better now my depression has never been better Would you do different? I got way more disciplined about working out. You probably see it I got way more disciplined about working out. You can probably see it. Look at that. Guns.

I got guns, I'm doing yoga, I'm doing... Well, they say that that is 1.25 times more effective than SSRIs. Yeah. Regular exercise. Yeah, regular exercise. I meditate, just meditated before I came here every day. I think that's 90% of what's wrong with people.

I know that it's such a meathead perspective, but I think everybody should do something physical. I think we have requirements. I know you don't want to do it, but I think we have requirements, just like you have to brush your teeth, just like you have to eat food, just like you have to take vitamins.

I think we have requirements. I think you have requirements to move or it fucks with your head. And gym class used to be intense at school. You used to have a fucking locker and shower after third period because they just made you run like an army obstacle course and do push-ups and jumping jacks. Bro, we played dodgeball. Yeah, yeah. We grew up with dodgeball, which was crazy.

You were whipping balls into people's faces. Yeah, your heart was racing. Yeah, dude, and you're chasing people with the ball, and if you catch some kid who fucking stumbles, he's getting it right in the face. Right? That game was nuts. And it was coed, and the girls went down fast. Yes, horrible. Yeah. You see the big red welt on the side of the leg, the Irish girl with the pale skin gets f**king panked.

It was horrible. It was horrible. She got very close veins on her neck to this day. Yeah, there's some people that were really good at throwing that f**king dodge ball too. That s**t was terrifying. Yeah, those kids with the long arms. And they got rid of that. They got rid of that.

But dude, we used to run laps. Oh yeah. We used to f**king run laps and then you felt good and you went back to class I taught my kids their gym classes weren't shit They didn't have to do anything the hardest thing I ever did when I was a kid was wrestling I did one year of wrestling and it was but I couldn't do both that and taekwondo at the same time It was just too much and I had to make a decision and so I picked taekwondo at the same time. It was just too much. And I had to make a decision. And so I picked taekwondo mostly because it's easier. Yeah.

It was way easier. Right. The training for wrestling was so hard that I would be like in school, I'd be like, ugh. My brain was like half on. I was just thinking, oh my god, we're going to have to run stairs tonight. Right.

Oh my god, we're going to have to do live drills. Uh-huh. Fucking firemen carry each other up the fucking stadium stairs. Oh my God, we're gonna have to run stairs tonight. Oh my God, we're gonna have to do live drills, fucking firemen's carry, carry each other up the fucking stadium stairs. There's no tougher training, man. Wrestling is brutal. But my son, he was having trouble when he was in, I can't remember, preschool.

He was biting kids, he was like crazy. And so the teacher said, there's this place called Marina Taekwondo in Venice, great program for kids. So he started in preschool and he went all the way through eighth grade. He got his black belt, his junior black belt, and it changed him. It fucking changed him.

He became disciplined. It calmed him down. He used to go like three or four days a week. Yeah, I think it sounds crazy, but I think it's a requirement for kids to do something physical and Really would help if you did something scary like a martial art Mm-hmm It's just good for developing your brain and developing your ability to do difficult things When he when he got his blood I don't know if they always do this

But when he got his black belt they had he had to do, you know certain what do they call him? Katas is that the depends on katas is a Japanese word. Yeah, he was, I think, he did just katas and then he had to break some boards and then he had to do whatever. And then he had to fight two black belts. Like at the same time. And he had to go like three rounds at the same time.

They fucking sicked him on him. And Mr. Jones, Keith Jones, shout out. And it was tough and he came out and he started crying. And Mr. Jones sat him down and he just sicked him on him. And Mr. Jones, Keith Jones, shout out. And it was tough and he started crying and Mr. Jones sat him down and he goes, you're gonna get back in there, you're gonna finish this. And he went in and he wiped his tears and he fucking finished. And then he got his black belt.

It was badass, yeah. How old was he? We started in kindergarten, so this would have been in like, I don't know, sixth or seventh grade. It's kind of crazy to give a kid a black belt. Yeah. Little kids.

Yeah. Because it's not real. Yeah. You know, it's like, different schools have different requirements and different belief systems when it comes to that, but somewhere along the line, that's where the term McDojo comes from. Oh.

Somewhere along the line, they developed these strip mall karate places. It was in a strip mall. That would, they would graduate children all the way up to black belt. And they would also, they made it real easy for you to do it where you didn't spar.

And they started doing a bunch of stuff to make it less realistic, but less attrition.ition so less people quit and so they make more money I say and so like some of these schools that have hundreds and hundreds of students They'd be making bank and then there was like there was like place called Fred Valaris When I was living in Boston and Fred Valaris was a karate. It was a chain They were they were all over the place But the people that came out of there if they had to fight they'd be maybe some of them will be good but it's not the best place to learn it's a big

dojo yeah you know it's a well they taught you karate but yeah you gotta do it in a real place you got to do it in a fucking real place with real savages yeah it's the only way you're gonna get good at it right you gotta get to a real scary place where there's a bunch of people and they're fucking sweating and kicking the bag and that's where you gotta go. But I do think there is something to giving a kid a goal, like you're gonna get your blue belt and you train for that and you're gonna get your red belt. Junior black belt's not a bad thing to call it, as long as you're calling it a junior

black belt. It's like you're not a man yet. You don't really have the ability to hurt people. Most people don't really have the ability to hurt people until they're like 15, 16, 17. Then you can really hurt people. And it comes quick. It goes from you being a boy, right? When you are 12 years old, you are a boy. When I was 15, I was fighting men. So from 12 to 15. So when I was 15, my instructor was crazy. And he would put you in, like you were young teenagers, he would put you in tournaments, in men's tournaments, 18 and over. Yeah, just say you're 18. They just put you right in there.

No shit. Right. Oh my God. It was terrifying. Terrifying. So you go from not being able to hurt people to knocking grown men unconscious in a short period of time. It was the first time I knocked a grown man unconscious, I was 16 years old. I had kicked this dude, knocked him unconscious and I was like, this is crazy. Was that legal?

Yes, 100%, yeah, it was full contact. He was snoring and I was like this is nuts and I was 16. Yeah I was like this is crazy. So That's like a real black. I was a black belt when I was 17. That's but it was a real black belt I was fighting black belts. I can hurt you. You can't really hurt anybody when you're 12 Yeah, but that's what's so nuts in five years. You become a fucking machine. In five years, five years ago, I've been here for four years, I've been living here for four years.

Nothing's changed, I'm exactly the same person. But from 12 to 17, you're a different fucking human being. Yeah, and also when the fear of being physically hurt is driving you to push yourself to be better. Yes. That's real. Yes, yeah, well it's also, you don't have your responsibilities, you have nothing to do, you have hormones for the first time in your life.

So you have all this fucking energy and this fucking rawr! And your whole day you can just dedicate to this crazy thing and go around kicking people and learning something and getting better at something where everybody else is just listening to Led Zeppelin, smoking cigarettes and trying to figure out if they're gonna go to college. And you're out there doing something nuts. Yeah, my nephew Rowan, he grew up in South Africa and he was like, you know, had every letter ADHD,

whatever, he had it all. And he was the number one most, he got the record at his school for the most detentions. They kept track and they like gave him an award. And then he found rugby when he was like 14, he started doing rugby hard and he's a big, thick kid. And he became an animal and it straightened him out. Right now he's at Columbia University.

He was in the Navy, he went up for the Green Berets. No, the Navy SEALs. Have you seen? He just missed it. He was he made it all the way to Hell Week and then got dropped from the program. That's crazy. But because he was in the Navy, they gave him a full ride to Columbia. They pay him they pay him to go to school at Columbia on I guess it's GI Bill. Is that what they call it?

Probably. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think putting a kid who's got some, because you get anger. When you have all these learning disabilities, you get very angry. Oh, yeah. You know, because you're not fitting in. You're not doing as well. You're trying your hardest and you're coming up short and you get fucking angry and you need something to focus that on. I think all kids need something to focus. Yeah. They just need something. It's too easy to just be lazy and, oh my life is terrible.

Yeah. Because you're not doing anything. You're not getting excited. You do stuff. Yeah. Like how many kids were depressed in the 1920s? They were only depressed if they were starving. They were running around.

I think the whole country was depressed. It was the depression. Yeah. That, exactly. Oh, that was the 30s was depressed. It was the depression. Exactly. Oh, that was the 30s. Let's go with the teens. The 30s was the depression, right? So the roaring 20s was before the depression.

Everything was going pretty good. Pretty good. But they were ruthless. What we call bullying, it was like normal life. Everybody was fucking horrible to each other. Well, because they were recent immigrants and they were fighting for turf. They were fighting for jobs. The Irish and the Italians were horrible to each other. Well because they were recent immigrants and they were fighting for turf They were fighting for jobs the Irish and the Italians were fucking fighting each other food. Yeah

Yeah, they weren't exactly sure they're gonna get food and they and they had 11 brothers and sisters So they were fighting at home before they even left the house Yeah, and good luck getting something that has a vitamin in the winter Everybody's malnourished. They were horribly malnourished. If you lived in the city in the 1920s and it was fucking 30 below zero out, there's nothing coming in or out. You ain't getting no tomatoes.

Like where are those coming from? You gonna get a horse to drag those from New Jersey? Like what are you talking about? There's no food here. Yeah, you got canned food. You ate canned food for six months. Back to before shipping, just think how nuts it must have been to live in a city before there were any trucks.

Yeah, you had the Iceman. Every couple days an Iceman would come to your house and put it in your box. That's what the Ice House in Pasadena was. Oh, no shit. Yes. Wow. Before the ice house was a rock and roll club, I think it was briefly a rock and roll club then became a comedy club. It is the oldest running comedy club in the country. Oh I didn't know that.

Yeah the ice house is the oldest. And the ice house before it was any of those things was a place that would store giant blocks of ice. So you'd go and get a chunk of ice. They would take some ice from fucking Greenland or some shit They weren't even making it. How did they keep that thing? And they got it to America the Chunks of ice and they would get it to the cities. Yeah, you get it in the July they get you a chunk of ice How The Iceman coming how much loss did they have in ice? Like how big does ice have to be when you start and how heavy is that shit? Oh my god? How? The Iceman coming. How much loss did they have in ice?

How big does ice have to be when you start? And how heavy is that shit to ship it over? Oh my God. If you got a truck filled with ice, what year did they start bringing ice around? Let's find that out. Yeah. What year did that become a thing? Because you know it wasn't a thing.

During the pioneers days, there wasn't an ice truck that would show up. There's no way to get the fucking ice. You know, when those people were trying to make their way across the country, no ice. I'm gonna guess 1890. I think it's gotta be after trucks. I think it has to be, because you gotta get it around.

So what's that like, 1910? You can't just put it on a train. When did trucks start? 1920. I'm watching Peaky Blinders and as the years go on their cars get better. Yeah. It's interesting you know because it's kind of historically accurate in terms of the cars they were driving at the time. It's really interesting because in the beginning they just like a bikini top over this shit box little fucking little rattle machine yeah at the end they have like Bentley's yeah and they close the door and it's luxurious inside and yeah you know but I would say trucking probably early 1900s what do we got I want to say like 1910 so what year was the first ice delivery in which country

in America when did they start delivering ice? Well, Scandinavia. They just fucking walked outside. Well, I think they brought the practice over from England because it says it started in England in the 1600s. Right. Right. But I'm saying when were they able to do it in America?

Because even if they do it in England in the 1600s, you probably could get a fucking cart dragged by horses from the mountain. how far away is their ice? They did it sounds like they grabbed it from lakes here in America Yeah, this is it was urge a major part of the early economy in England and the United States So fortunes made by people who transported ice and straw pack ships to the southern states and throughout the Caribbean Oh, so they only did in the winter. I Guess yeah, you just get it from Canada. How long and keep ice if you have like a Yeti cooler in the southern states and throughout the Caribbean. Oh, so they only did it in the winter? I guess, yeah, you just get it from Canada.

Well, now how long can you keep ice? If you have like a Yeti cooler, you can keep ice for about seven days. Yeah. Yeah. In the summer. It's pretty amazing. Somebody should write a book about the history of ice. Cause those big thick ass coolers,

like a Yeti cooler that you would take camping, you can get, those are amazing. You can keep ice for seven, eight, nine days, which is nuts. And if you take a Yeti and you take like a milk jug, fill with water and freeze that and put a bunch of them in there, it'll stay cold forever.

It'll stay cold for so long, they've got a large block of ice like that. This isn't from the 70s, but this is just like ice extraction. Oh, this might not be them selling ice. This looks like these guys gonna die Yeah, they got axes on the edge of the water That does not seem that thick take your ice and you put it in a nice box Which ice box used in cafes of Paris in the late 1800s Wow box to store ice. So how did they get the ice to them?

Well, this is the first recorded use of refrigeration technology dates back to 1775 BC in the Sumerian city of Turquoise That's why I asked which country because this goes back further than England goes all the way back to Yes, seven same same time is off by people. This is the same story because that's cuneiform That's that's exactly the same story. This is it's Mesopotamia. I same country ice pits ice pits from the 7th century BCE Wow Alexander the great storage snow and pits that they dug for that purpose Wow

Straw covered pit so they they recognized that they could kind of insulate it sell it at a snow shop Wow ice that formed the bottom of the pit sold at a higher price than the snow on top. Oh yeah, more expensive for ice. Because it didn't have piss in it. That's the delineating factor. How many guys pissed in that pit? At least one.

Yeah, the French are serving up some chocolate ice cream. Did you mean this to be chocolate? At least one guy pissed in there, for sure. There's not a chance in hell nobody pissed in there. Not a chance in hell. Do you eat snow? Like when you go out hunting? You can eat snow. I mean, you're going to have a certain amount of pollution depending on where you are. You're eating what's in the air. It's amazing how bad it gets in New York in the winter, how fast. That shit falls and an hour later it's gray. Well, in New York you have a lot of things going on.

One of the things that people don't take into consideration is brake dust. You have a lot of brake dust. So you have all these cars that are constantly doing stop and go traffic. So the brake dust in the air is pretty significant. That shit that you get in the inside of your wheels, your car wheels, and you have to clean off that black stuff, that's brake dust. So that's spraying out from every car in the 405.

So when you're riding your bike, I'm being healthy. You're literally breathing in brake dust, you fucking psychopath. Just no filter, taking it right in the face. Looks like, is that Central Park or something close to it? Says it was the first one in the United States, the first ice pit. Ice pit? 13 feet in diameter and 18 feet deep. Many tines of ice were cut from a nearby river in the winter, transported by

wagon to the ice house, deposited into the ice pits. The blocks of ice fused into one giant mass. Gravel at the bottom of the pit drained water from the melting, and the thick stone walls and straw insulation minimized heat loss from the ice house above. Morris claimed he was able to preserve ice from one winter to the following October or November." Wow! That's crazy! So utilizing the 54 degree constant temperature underground, people have been storing ice in caves and pits since at least the Roman times. That's pretty dope. Oh, look at this. It relied on a natural phenomenon, but also an overwhelming massive ice, good drainage, and the super insulation of the building above the ice pit to provide refrigeration through hot Philadelphia summers. Pretty fucking dope.

16 feet deep, and they would just store ice, and that's how you get your ice. For nine months. That's pretty amazing. People are pretty goddamn ingenious. Human beings ingenuity to figure things out. How do we keep this fucking ice when it gets hot as shit out?

Imagine if we can keep the ice. What do we gotta do, how about dig a hole? How cold is it down there seems colder down there? And just experimenting how long you can keep ice You put in massive blocks of it from the river Yeah, and stacking it and then you're gonna sell it all right and people yeah and all these experiments people are dying Well that didn't work. Everybody died a nice whiskey with a couple of ice cubes in the middle of July. That's worth it. With your friends at the country club. Clink. You know how they get this? I got a guy.

Maybe they call it, that's why they call it on the rocks, because it's surrounded by rocks in the pit. No, I think it's ice cubes are like rocks, right? Well, there's a lot of schools of thought on this. Isn't it funny when you go to some restaurants they give you a hot rock you cook yourself on? What? Like, ooh, exciting. You never done that? No. No? A hot rock? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They like, they'll give you like a, it'll literally be a hot rock that you can't touch. And then you have little strips of steak and you lay them on the rock. Oh, like a Korean barbecue place.

Like Wagyu, they'll do it at sushi places. Yeah. Where they give you a hot rock and you put your little strips of beef on there and you flip it over. Isn't it exciting that you're cooking for yourself? Yeah. And yet it's super expensive. I know.

And then they make you clear your own plate and go in the fucking kitchen and wash it No, they don't know you made that part up But it is funny that it's exotic to cook your own food like how can't you do that? Yeah, right? That's what I'm here for. Yeah, why am I cooking? I remember there was a Seinfeld episode was Kramer was pitching a pizza place where you make your own pizza And he he had a friend in vast and the guy had a restaurant he went out of business Korean barbecue is fun though. Yeah, I like Korean barbecue. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah, but you know what you're getting into when you get there

It's not one dish that you have to cook for yourself. Yeah whole experience. That's fine Yeah, I know what I'm getting into but if I go to a restaurant you give me a hot rock and like here's your meat That's the hot rock cook it on the rocket. What the fuck are we doing? Hey, yeah, I love it like you I'm cooking myself look Flip it now. Yeah, sorry. When do I flip it? Yeah And then you got to go to the salad bar. I got it. I got a walk to get my salad Mm-hmm. Well, that's Brazilian steak houses

That's the this the sneaky move they have is all you can eat everything's all you can eat, but the salad bar is too So before you eat you go to the salad bar you're eating fucking art show cards Yeah cheese and this and then they come by with as much meat as you possibly can eat and Then you have a card you flip it if it's green on top They keep coming by with different meat and when when it's red, you tap out. Yeah, I remember that. We went to one of those places in Vegas. Was it Fogo de Chow?

Fogo de Chow, yeah. Fogo de Chow, yeah. That was awesome. This place is the best. Yeah. Because you just start eating. You don't have to wait for the food. The worst is when you're really hungry

and you're in a slow restaurant, and you're like, oh my god, this is killing me. But if you go to a place like Fogo de Chow, that food's coming right at you. You can be stuffed in 10 minutes. 10 minutes. All different cuts. Yeah.

That's when you gotta take a little walk. Yeah. I've never seen anybody go harder than Ari at Fogel de Chao. It is insane how much he eats there. Yeah. Insane. And I go, why?

He goes, it's a Jewish thing, free food. I go, are you serious? He goes, yeah, that's all I can eat. I can just keep eating. I go, you kidding? He's like, no, no kidding. I can keep eating. It doesn't cost any more money. That's awesome. He's so funny with it. But he's like, he's shameless. Shameless. What are the clam chops? Yeah. Bring them over. I thought I could keep up with them. I could not keep up with them.

I was in South Africa one time and we were at a game park called Pylanasberg or something and they had a restaurant next to the game park and you would go there and I remember it was called Carnivore and you go in and they come over with skewers but it was like, you want some giraffe, you want some hippo, you want some buck, everything. I tried everything. What was giraffe? Giraffe is, giraffe's a tough one, because they seem to not want to fuck with anybody, they're cool, your baby could feed them at the zoo,

you know? Yeah. It's the only animal at the zoo. It's a giant fucking animal, it's 50 feet tall, and your two-year-old baby can give it lettuce, and the little tongue comes out, wraps around and takes the lettuce, and no one's worried about the giraffe

doing anything harmful to people. That's a weird one to eat. Like, if I could avoid eating a giraffe, I would like to. Yeah. And how are they not dead? I mean, how do they protect themselves? Well, they stomp things, first of all, because they're like a wild horse. It's like a giant antelope thing.

What species is a giraffe? Technically, what is it? Is it an antelope? What is it? You know, like a moose is in the deer family. Do you know that? Uh-huh. Oh, okay. Mo a moose is in the deer family. Do you know that? Jared Sussman Okay. David Kupfer Moose is the largest of the deer family.

This, like, elk is in the deer family. Giraffe is a large African hoofed mammal belonging to the giraffe, genus giraffe, the tallest living terrestrial animal and the largest ruminant on earth. Tradition, ruminant on earth. Traditionally giraffes have been thought of as one species. Giraffe opera Alice camel with nine subs so is a camel related to it is right that's what I remember I think it is related is a camel related just said is put in as a camel related to a giraffe? What do you think? I think they probably are.

Okay, giraffe-a-camelop-a-ral-is-car- No, camelop-a-ral-is-camelop-a-ral-is- Oh, fuck that last word. How's that one go? Typols Giraffes get part of their Latin name Camelopardalus from the long camel-like necks and leopard-like spots But they are more closely related to Ocupi's rather than camels or leopards, so they're not related to camels. Oh Look at that fucking thing. Oh, we've seen those before. It looks like a zebra fucked a deer or something, doesn't

it? It's like the bottom half is one animal and the top half is another animal. Beautiful, though. I don't know how you mix- Forest giraffe. How do you mix with a giraffe? Because how do you fuck it? Well, you have to be another giraffe. Yeah. Yeah. That's why they don't know how you mix with a giraffe because how do you fuck it? Well, you have to give it another giraffe. Yeah, that's why they don't mix with anybody.

Giraffes do the fucking. I don't think anybody fucks the giraffe. The giraffe has to do the fucking. It has to decide it's going to get down there. That's right. You know, trees like the acacia tree, when giraffes eat them, all the trees that are downwind recognize that a tree upwind is being eaten by giraffes, and so it changes its flavor profile. It starts releasing these phytochemicals that makes it taste like shit.

No shit! This is an antelope that's the closest living relative to a giraffe. Okay, so there's an antelope species. The weirdest antelope is the one that we have in America, because we have a Jurassic animal in America, the pronghorn antelope. It's not like any animal in North America. It's literally an animal that was a part of the giant group of animals that lived in North America like 65,000 years ago, but it's one of the rare ones that's still here.

Because it evolved to get away from a North American cheetah. So it runs way faster than anything. Nothing can catch those things. Wow. You ever seen them? No. Pronghorns? They're cool as shit looking.

But you see them when you... That's not a good picture though. You want like a picture of the males. Just pull up pronghorn antelope. The males have these crazy horns and these eyes that can see like probably almost to the entire back of like behind their ears. They have a crazy range of vision. And it's big? It's like a deer size. Uh-huh.

I've seen them in the wild. They're really cool looking. I've seen them in Utah wild. They're really cool. Look. I've seen them beautiful Really cool looking but when you see them run you realize like oh, this is not from around here They run so much faster than anything else. So like mount lions Coyotes good luck bitch. You're not catching that guy that guy's fucking insanely fast. See if you can find a video of one running. So it says born to race cheetahs. So there was like 65% of North American megafauna was killed off somewhere around 10,000 years ago.

And these motherfuckers made it. But they're a part of that old group that included like the North American lion, North American cheetahs. There was a bunch of crazy shit that was here just 15,000 years ago. Crazy shit, dude. There was a lion that lived here that's bigger than the African lion.

Like the biggest lion ever was in North America. Yeah, we had a crazy big lion here. Wow. That's pretty wild. It makes sense though, right? If you think about all the buffalo, you'd probably like there'd probably be a cat big enough to kill that thing. Yeah. You know, some giant-ass lion. All right. Like way bigger than the African lions. Yeah. I just saw a video on the internet of sloths having sex. How was it? Well, it was as exciting as you would think. It was like, first of all, like the mating call, like the female was like a

mile away and it was like this little, like this little noise and he just perks up. He goes racing down the tree, which takes like a day, and then he has to go through these like croc-infested waters and he just keeps hearing the noise, he keeps going, and he gets the other side and he climbs up the tree. There's another male, they like go to battle. There's like a sloth battle with their three little claws. And then the guy gets to the top and the female's there

and he gets on top of her and it's just like one stroke, did, goosh, done. That was the whole thing. Wow. Like think about how horny those fuckers are. Like the average married couple, like what does it take to get laid? You just got to listen to your wife for a little while. Yeah, how was your day? And just listen and you're in. And even then men are like, ah, I don't

know. That's just, ah, I don't know. It's a lot to ask. But just imagine having this strange urge to go where that sound is and not having any reference. Like the first time it happens to you, right? Say you're sloth, you're two, you get your first heart on, like this is crazy. And then you hear, and like, why do I need to go towards that sound? Like you don't even know what you're doing.

You have no idea why you're going there. Right? If the sloth has never been laid before, it has no idea. Why am I being drawn to this sound? Why is this smell? It's all just instincts. That's the noise? Yeah. He's like, I'm getting some... Is that all the sloth? Or was that one sound the sloth? Oh, there it is. Oh, that's pretty loud. Yeah, you hear that. That's a bad signal for Dick. Yep. And then, but the amazing thing is like, when you think about that, what drives animals,

us being animals, to do the things we do. I was thinking about this when I watched this law thing, like all the things that gratify us, that nature has taught us to procreate in order to, you know, whether it's eat, your stomach hurts, and the joy of the taste of food, all these things that are built into us as animals that keep us procreating, the fucking. Even like, like you got an itch and you take your nails and you scratch it. Well, there was probably a reason, because there used to be bugs embedded in your skin, or dry skin, or like everything that we do is somehow built into rewards and

punishments that are unconscious to us. Yeah. You know, and are they going to be able to, can you program that into people eventually? Yeah, 100%. To alter behavior. Not just that, to eliminate all the things that make us human, unfortunately. Like you want the good with the bad? Or do you, what do you want?

Like, cause the only way to have the good is you gotta appreciate that it's good. And how do you appreciate it? Cause you've experienced bad. If you only get good, you get a spoiled rich kid and they're a nightmare. Or you get Joffreyrey the king, you know That's what you get. Yeah, right. Yeah, no adversity all the power in the world terrible for everybody, right? So it's like you got to have some down It's like it's a part of the program

It's part of the program of becoming a better person like you have experience good and I think even in the world Unfortunately, we have to see evil to recognize that people are capable of evil, to really understand what kind of game are we playing here, especially when it comes to like international conflicts, especially ones that don't have any day-to-day effect on your life here in America, and whether you support them or you don't support them. Like you're, it's not affecting you, right? But it's effect, it's somewhere, if you were there, if you were in Yemen and you watched those fucking drones launch hellfire missiles into this wedding party, like you would recognize like, there's a lot going

on that's evil. There's good and there's evil and it's real and there's this weird battle going on with human beings. And I think that battle almost has to take place to motivate people to be better. You think that's where there's war, cyclical war? There's no reason why it should exist today. There's no reason why, as educated as we are in history, that we should be willing as a people, as groups of people, to ever invade other places to steal their resources. There's no way we should be doing that. At this point,

with the kind of communication that human beings have with each other around the world, there should be a way to reasonably communicate and share goods and ideas and compete and take part in each other's commerce. I sell to you, you sell to me, everybody gets along. This should be totally doable in 2024. The fact that it's not and that no one thinks it's ever going to be is what's terrifying about being a person because that's the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing like, if one of these fucking assholes, one of these greedy cocksuckers that's under the boot of the military industrial complex

decides to push it a little too far, and someone decides to shoot a nuke off, and then we're in this new thing where cities could just disappear. You know, not just the September 11th where two buildings disappear and a bunch of people die and it's a horrible tragedy. No, no, no, the whole city gone. Boom. One city down. Now, shut the fuck up or we'll bomb all your cities. Now your power doesn't work anymore. Oh no, where do you get your ice? Well, you better go back to

the old ways and get a fucking ice pit because you don't have electricity anymore. That's not hard to do. Like someone could take out our electrical grid pretty fucking easy. And these assholes that are in charge of the world, in all countries, that are still playing this fucking game of maybe we'll kill you all. Yeah, it's like a big game of chicken. And there's no, like when we were kids, I don't know if this happened in your school, but like we had drills. we had nuclear war drills. Like it was a day to day existential worry

that people didn't sleep because of nukes. Those same fucking nukes are tenfold today in terms of the arsenals. And way more people have them. Way more countries have them. And there's way more, when you look at what's going on in the Middle East, like that is a fucking, that is gonna to explode at some point and it's going to happen fast

because there's all these alliances where if one country does it, eight others are going to do it the same day. Peter Thiel was talking about that, that it's the ultimate dilemma when it comes to nuclear power because nuclear power is more efficient than other power. And it's actually greener. It's probably safer for the environment Especially with the kind of nuclear reactors are capable of building and designing today But they didn't realize that if you give someone nuclear power, it's really easy turn that into nuclear weapons They thought it was a lot harder than it was and they did it for India new saying then they realized like India got the nuclear weapon

That's a girl Okay So now we can't just give everybody nuclear power because then you have everybody has nuclear weapons And what if it's some fucking warlord who's on amphetamines in the middle of the Congo and decides he's gonna nuke his neighbor Yeah, people can get crazy. Yeah, especially if they have a lot of money, you know, they're selling drugs or there's kidnapping people Whatever they're doing. They got a lot of money and now they have a nuclear weapon. North Korea, man. Once North Korea has it, it's a fucking... They have it.

Do they? Yes. North Korea has nukes. No shit. Oh, they don't have the long range delivery systems. They say they do now. Yeah. Who knows? But there was a famous nuclear bomb that went off that they kind of denied in North Korea a while back.

What was that? They think it might have been an accident. It's hard to tell, you know, because North Korea is pretty tight with their propaganda. But I remember there was some nuclear detonation was detected in the mountains. And they were trying to figure out if it was on purpose or if it was an underground thing, like like because they do underground nukes too, which is Crazy. Yeah, just may trigger an earthquake, but let's find out Yeah, let's just detonate a nuke a mile under the surface of the earth fucking psychopath well, we did it in Oklahoma and I guess it was like maybe the 50s or 60s and

They the the fucking they didn't they didn't tell people to leave the neighboring towns and there's all these people. The cancer rates were through the roof. Here it says, okay, comprehensive test ban treaty has been detected seismic activity in more than two dozen stations around the world confirming that man-made explosions have occurred near North Korea's nuclear testing sites. For example, in 2016 the CTBTO detected a 4.85 magnitude seismic event, which North Korea claimed was a hydrogen bomb test. In 2013, the CTBTO detected a 4.9 magnitude seismic event, which is about twice as large as the 2006 test. So they

just keep making them more powerful. Well what magnitude was like Hiroshima? Oh look at this one. In 2024 South Korea's weather agency estimated that a nuclear weapon blast yield was between 50 and 60 kilotons based on a magnitude 5.6 detection. The South Korea's government initial estimate was a hundred kilotons and the NORSAR seismology center estimate was a hundred and twenty kilotons it's so crazy that a nut a crazy person just some fucking maniac dictator has that like you can you could take oh you fuck my cousin guess what? Yeah. I'm gonna fucking I'm gonna nuke your town. Or they want a legacy. Hiroshima was only about 15

kilotons. So four times the size. Nagasaki was 25 holy shit. Isn't it funny that Hiroshima gets all the credit but meanwhile they got the bitch-ass bomb? That's right one was an atomic and one was a hydrogen, right? I don't know. Is that the truth? I think so The little boy Is that the big one? Is that the one that was on Hiroshima? So little boy was Hiroshima and fat man was Nagasaki Wow

Imagine you get your fucking your instructions you're a fighter pilot and that's what they tell you yeah that's what you're gonna do today right what are we doing you're gonna be the guy what do you mean you're gonna be the guy that drops the bomb yeah well bomb we have a nuclear bomb yeah what does that mean like what does this thing do? Well, you're gonna drop it and then you got to get the fuck out of right, right Because the don't look back as it'll rip your eyeballs out exposure. That might be my tea mug that you just grabbed Oh, is it? I just poured coffee in it. I'm sorry. No, I'm done with thought it was my coffee now

There's too many mugs. I'm confused. I was not seeing my mug because the microphone was like perfectly shielding it. I was like, oh, that must be my mug. There's a great series on Netflix right now about the Cold War. It's like three episodes, but it goes through, you know, just the espionage that went behind it all and, you know, how the nuclear codes got to Russia

because was it the, what was it, the couple, the Rosenbergs? And there was a few people that basically got the information to Russia, and then once that happened, like everything fucking changed. Like after World War II, basically in World War II, we bombed Japan, not because they weren't going to surrender. There was like, this is what this documentary talks about, that there was an end in sight, that they were crawling, they were on their knees. But Russia had sent forces into Japan as our allies

to help finish the war. We didn't want them getting any of the credit. So we bombed while Japan was en route, while Russia was on route, we bombed Japan. Whoa. So once we did that, Russia was like, oh it's on. Fuck them. We need, we need, and they and they basically just they realigned their whole military, their whole budget. Everything was about getting nukes after that happened. Whew. Those bombs didn't need to be dropped. That's so crazy. Yeah.

How complicated is that too? Because if they don't drop those bombs, we know the bombs exist and no one's dropped them. Do you think it would have been worse if the world didn't see the horrors? You're probably right. Because as they keep getting better and no one's dropped one on anybody yet,

and then we're talking shit, I'll fucking do it, man. I'll be the first guy. I'll be the one on anybody yet, and then we're talking shit, I'll fucking do it, man. I'll be the first guy. I'll be the first. If Hitler had a nuke, you don't think he would've launched it? 100%, 100%. He's cranked up on all kinds of fucking drugs. They were shooting animal hormones into him.

They were experimenting on him. Oh, that's right. I heard about that. Yeah. This book, Norman Oehler. I've sold your book so many times. It's a crazy story. He was in here explaining it all.

Hitler had this one doctor that he trusted. He didn't trust the SS doctor, because there was a lot of people wanting to get rid of Hitler. There was a lot of attempts on his life. And this motherfucker had one doctor that was giving him all the goods. And he was just out of his mind.

Fuck. If you gave that guy a nuke at that time, 100% he's nuking somebody. Of course, of course. 100%. What wouldn't he do? Like what was he not capable of? Exactly, exactly.

And I think the same thing is true of Kim Jong-un right now. I don't think he, I don't, I don't. He was friends with Trump. Trump went over, shook his hand. They were pals. Yeah. Seems like he just needed a friend. He was friends with Trump. Trump went over, shook his hand. They were pals. Yeah. Seems like he just needed a friend. He's friends with Dennis Rodman.

Maybe Dennis Rodman can be the official envoy. Maybe if Trump wins, Dennis Rodman becomes the official envoy and we fucking settle things out. Imagine that. Imagine if that was how it all worked out. Yeah, smooth things over. Yeah. Give the people electricity.

Dude, it's so mysterious when you hear about people that escaped from North Korea and they talk about how you literally it's the Thought Police You say Jamie something so funny that we're talking about this I said Jamie something this morning that I saw where this guy has one of those crazy satellite dishes in his backyard Uh-huh, and he picks up a channel from North Korea. So it's a guy in Ontario and Did I sent it to it's your text message? No way No, I sent you something before that no I didn't oh my god, I didn't you moron What did I do? Did I save it?

Thought I sent it to you. I must have accidentally sent it to somebody else. What is it? The North Korean guy that picks up satellites? Yes, it's an Ontario man picks up North Korean television. Fuck, I thought I sent it to you. But he'll find it because it's becoming viral now because it's really nuts. You see the propaganda. So this guy just tunes in to this broadcast of North Korea because he's got one of them. Remember when people had those this the Guy they had those crazy dishes like that thing in their backyard. Yeah, I remember a guy had that

I thought that guy was a wizard like look at him. He's getting TV from Ireland He's watching snooker on the BBC So this is this dude tunes in to the North Korean broadcast like whatever it is with it that they broadcast through North Korea And it's all propaganda and Kim Jong-un is like literally people fall down like he's the Beatles like when he shows up He shot a round of golf. He shot a 27 that was a dad holes Look how people freak out. Yeah Yeah, he shot like nine holes in one right? Yeah, but also if you don't react like that the police see you oh yeah, and they put you in a fucking gulag And they yeah for like five years. Yeah, you're fucked you better cheer

Yeah, the the power that he has is just absolute and then if they find out that you know you have a relative Overseas that's bad-mouthing North Korea your family gets put into a fucking camp. Yeah. Yeah And not only that it's a generation after generation thing like children if you have children in the camp, they're punished as well Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, it's so mysterious So basketball he does maybe maybe Dennis Rodman can see it all over. Dennis Rodman, yeah, if I had to pick one eloquent NBA star, it would be Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman, send him over there with a bowling bag filled with mushrooms. And just those two get together, meet God, just like he'd fix this thing. He'd take that nuke like it was a fucking three-point shot. He'd just reach up, stop it.

Well, what he's got gotta do before anything in that country is let those people be free. Like that is literally like a cult. It's like a cult. Like the power that that one guy has and that government has over their people. Have you ever seen Yeonmi Park talk about her experiences in North Korea?

No. Was she on here? Yes. Oh yeah, I did see that. She escaped North Korea when she was 13. Yeah,? Yes. Oh yeah, I did see that. She escaped North Korea when she was 13. Yeah, that was crazy. It's crazy.

Yeah. It's crazy. Dude, and it's going into China. Like there's, China uses, I don't wanna say which supermarket chain because I don't wanna malign somebody, but one of the major supermarket chains, they have meat processing plants

where they bring, China brings in North Korean slaves. They are kept in barracks with barbed wire fences and they work for 12, 14 hours a day, 7 days a week. And they get paid like a hundred bucks a month. And then they come back to North Korea after like four or five years, and their families get this little fucking tidbit of money, but they don't have a choice because North Korea picks what they think are the best examples of what North Korea is because

they want to look good to China, and they send those people over, and they're held, they've worked as slaves for years. And the American companies are buying food from these plants in China. Jesus Christ. Yeah, there's an article in the New Yorker about it. Well, if we're buying things, I mean, that's one of the weirdest parts about manufacturing going away in America, because so many of the things that we buy are from mysterious places. Like when people found out about what was going on at the Foxconn factories that were making iPhones, that they had fences and nets all set up around the roof to keep people from jumping off because

so many people- Suicide nets? Oh yeah. You never seen it? No. Show those images. It's bananas. So instead of fixing it They said, you know, let's just make it harder to die Like these people they just they don't want to work. Do you bounce off the net back into the factory? That's to stop suicide That's all stop suicide. That's how many people were trying to kill themselves because You're working 16 hours a day. You sleep there. They have dormitories That's all to stop suicide. That's how many people were trying to kill themselves.

Because you're working 16 hours a day, you sleep there, they have dormitories, and this is why your phone costs X instead of Y. And if we had American factories making all these things, you wouldn't have that consideration. You would know, oh, they have to abide by regulations and everybody has to be over certain age. Well, and this doesn't even factor in the African mines where they're pulling up the, what's the metal they need? The cobalt mines where they, you know, they send you, they send people into these mines that are like a mile deep and you maybe make it back up, maybe you don't.

The elevators sometimes stop working. Oh, those mines collapse all the time. You go down there for like two or three days at a time in the blackness. Yeah. And you get paid pennies. Have you ever seen the video of the Chinese mine collapsing? You go down there for like two or three days at a time in the blackness. Yeah. Have you ever seen the video of the Chinese mine collapsing? No. See if you can find that.

There's been a few, but there's one really good video of this collapse of this mine. It's fucking terrifying. Yeah. It's terrifying, dude. Because it's basically, they dug into the whole side side of this hill and then it just falls on them Wow, this massive amount of dirt and land and the smoke and the dust you like. Oh my god How many people are dead just crushed to death so that you can have an iPhone watch this Look at this

Holy shit, dude, where is this mine, Jamie? What did it say in the beginning? Mongolia. Mongolia. Fuck, dude. Fuck. Mines are terrifying. Yeah.

You know, you hear noises like creak, creak. And you're like, get the fuck out of here. Go. Get out of here. Go. Let's get out of here. That was the Irish we all came over and into the mines. Well, all the people in the Appalachias. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know why they say those people in Appalachia are more violent?

Why? Because they come from herding populations. I think it was in, was it in Sapiens or whose book was that in? Maybe one of Malcolm Gladwell's books. But basically they're saying that the reason why there's more like when they used to have feuds, you know, like the Hatfields and the McCoys, that type of thing. Yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that was Sapiens. Yeah. So the idea is that these people who are farmers, well, it's very difficult to steal all your corn. You can't steal all your corn, but you could steal someone's

sheep, all their sheep, and so if you're a herder, you have to be on guard constantly of thieves who come in and take all your animals all at once. You have to be super violent to protect your flock, and those guys came over here with that sort of attitude. Huh. Yeah. That's funny because you think of like the shepherd is this like kind of archetypal figure of this guy who's just kind of laying back with a piece of hayseed in his mouth, chilling out, but now they're warriors. You have to be.

Yeah. Because you'll lose all your food. Yeah. Like if you, if your family relies on those sheep, you have 20 sheep and you're, you got to follow them and graze with them. You have to bed down with them. If someone comes along and tries to, that's why cattle rustlers, they would kill them.

They would kill horse rustlers. People stole horses and cows. But in the Old West, it was one of the worst things you could do. You steal a man's horse, they'll fucking kill. You steal a car today, like you get a slap on the wrist. There's guys out there that stole 14, 15 cars, nobody gives a shit. You know?

There's this comic. I did Kill Tony last night. This comic came up and he said he's got a Kia and it's been stolen four times this year. I guess Kia has some kind of a defect and you can read about it online, but it's like super easy, like old school hot wiring. You can just grab a Kia. Yeah, I've heard about this they get stolen a lot Kia thefts yeah deal yeah I mean the only downside is

once you do it you've got a you've got a Kia right that's the payout mostly kids though mostly kids doing it yeah joy rides yeah like 10 seconds uh-huh it's happening all over the country it's been happening for a few so they take it go on a joyride beat the shit out of it? Yeah, they're just driving crazy. Oh, there's nothing more joyful than driving a Kia. Well, I mean, if you don't have a car, and you're just trying to have fun, beat the fuck out of this Kia. That's kind of hilarious. They could just steal Kias.

Right, I know. But there's junk. You know, but they're cheap, and they don't break that much. Like, if you just need something to get around, it just sucks that they could steal them so easy. So you're not going to congratulate me? I bought the Mustang. Oh, that's right.

I sent you a picture. That's right. I finally did it. I've been talking to you about it for 15 years. I wanted a Mustang and I always had kids in college. I get fucking worried about money. I always spent my money on trips, our family travels a lot, cars were never a big thing,

but yet there was always a teenager that fucking wanted a Mustang. And then finally I just fucking did it. Which one did you get? Two weeks ago, it's just a Mustang. Which model? The EcoBoost. The GT, the EcoBoost, you got the six cylinder engine?

I don't know what it is. How is it? It's funny shit. Yeah? I took it up into the Malibu Hills or San Monica Mountains the other day with my wife. And you've got those little like serpentining roads and fucking it handles unbelievable and it's so low to the ground. You turn and you just feel like you're turning with the car.

Yeah, you're not used to a car like that. No, no. I was driving a Prius and a Subaru. It was awful. Now I feel alive for the first time. I knew you were gonna ask me if it was a fucking GT or something. Yeah, if you're gonna get a Mustang, you gotta get a V8. That's a great for Simmons move.

Get that EcoBoost. Baby steps, so now you're hooked. I'm in. Now you're in. Well, now I got a little for Simmons move. Get that EcoBoost. Baby steps, so now you're hooked. I'm in. Now you're in. Well, now I got a little more money too. Yeah. My kids are out. Yeah, you're fine.

Yeah, spending money now. Spending like a, like a, like a man. It's been a good, I've had a good couple of years, but like, it's all going back. I put a lot of it into this special that I shot at your club, by the way, at the mothership. I heard it's great. It's out today. Oh, at the mothership. I heard it's great. It's out today.

Oh, did you? Yeah, I heard it's great. Oh, that's nice to hear. The guys who saw it when you filmed it, the city killed. Yeah, it was fun. It was, you know, because I was going to do it before the pandemic happened and then that stalled it out. And then I came back, I shot it at one place.

It meant too much to me to put out a bad version of it. So I edited it for three months and then I just fucking scrapped it entirely. And then when I did, there we go, and then the great Adam Egett said, hey, we'd love to have you. Joe, we'd love to have you do a special here. And I was like, are you fucking kidding me? And I came in and I didn't have to do shit.

I didn't have to like build a backdrop, because Brian Simpson, I think, is the only guy that's put a special out from this place. So like that backdrop is beautiful and people haven't seen it much. Yeah. So I don't think it matters anyway. Like how many fucking times you've seen people

do stand up from the cellar and you see the brick wall, you don't go, oh, that brick wall, I can't even enjoy these jokes. Right, right. Yeah, but at the same time, I wanted it to be special. It's been a long time since I put a special out, and this material is, again, I've been working on it

for eight years, so I wanted it to really pop, and so I bought in 800-pound gorilla. They shoot a lot of the specials, and I spent some money, and I did it right, and fucking psyched about it. Nice, and is it gonna be on YouTube? It's on YouTube right now. It comes out today.

YouTube is the move, man. It's such a good move for getting your stuff out there. You can get millions of views and everybody can get it. You can get it on your phone. You can share it. That's the thing I love about YouTube is someone can send it to me, like a link to your thing and I can just watch it

right away, which is nuts. There's no other platform like that. And it's also, I love that I can see the comments. I mean, if you put it on Netflix or Comedy Central, I guess there's gonna be some conversation on certain places, but YouTube, it's right fucking there. And you can see how many people are watching it. And I just don't want my wife and kids

to watch the last 10 minutes. That's where I start giving it to the old lady a little bit. Yeah, tell them just dear clear. Yeah, they don't need to see that. They don't need to see your act. Come on, stay away from that. That's my business. Yeah.

That's for the rest of the world. Yeah. You can see the trips I take you on. That's all you need to care about. Dad's Mustang. That's all you're concerned about. Yeah, now that you're hooked, I'm gonna get you into something more crazy. Oh yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next one, we're gonna step you up a little bit. No shit. Yeah, yeah, you need to feel like boom. You need to feel some real excitement. Feel the rumble into the balls. Yeah, real rumble. You need to hear a V8.

You need to roll the windows down and rev it in a parking structure. What was that Mustang you drove into the Comedy Store one night? You had an old, you had like a 68 Fastback, was it? No, no, that was probably my Corvette. Is that what you thought? No, you had a Mustang.

No, I definitely did. Oh, no, no, no, I had a more modern Mustang. Oh, maybe that's what it was. I had a Shelby GT 500. It was maybe that's what it was. I had a Shelby GT500. It was like a 2012 convertible. It was great. It was very rumbly. Yeah. Yeah, that was fun. That car was ridiculous.

Any gas at all, when you're making a turn, the ass-end kicks out. Any gas at all. It was so overpowered. Didn't have the fattest tires in the world, but goddamn, it was fun. That was the first one of those cars that I had ever gotten Where as a modern muscle car I had had muscle cars before like the old-school ones But modern ones are even more fun to drive because you can actually drive them. Yeah, they actually have good brakes They actually have good suspension. They're designed Well, right if you get like a modern like Mustang has a thing called the dark horse

So the dark horse is there like top-end car that you can get with a manual transmission. It's fucking great. It's like 500 horsepower. It handles really well. See if you can find Mustang Dark Horse. That's the top of the line before they get into the GT 500, which is only automatic. So like the, I think the Dark Horse is the last one that you can get that's got a standard transmission.

Right, right. I need that. Yeah. If you have a muscle car, I need that fucking. Rrrr. Yeah. Rrrr. Yeah, yeah.

I need that. That's it. That is a sick car, man. That's a sick car. I just love that they're still making cars like this. They're just full on muscle cars, but like performance suspensions and great brakes now. Look at that. I know because that was the rap on old Mustangs is they were fast, but they you went into a corner and you like got slammed against the side of the car. Look at that thing. Yeah. Nasty. Those are fun. I don't

know what it is about Mustangs. It's just the American car to me. Well, they're fucking incredible, man. And they've been around forever. I have a 68. I have a 68, like one that looks like Steve McQueen's one from Bullet. Yeah. Yeah.

Fucking great. Yeah, that's the one, the 68. The great, it's an American car, like a truly American car. Is it all new guts? Oh, yeah, it's all new. It's for this company Revology makes them. They take it from the ground up. It's basically a 2023 1968 Mustang. Yeah. You mean even the doors close really well, push button start. Like you feel like you're driving a new car. Yeah. But it sounds sounds right., feels right. It's like, like it's exciting. Yeah.

I know my wife wanted me to get a Tesla and I was like, I want to feel it. I want to feel that fucking rumble. Tesla's actually faster though, isn't it? Way faster. Yeah. My Tesla's my fastest car for sure, by far, not even close. Yeah.

It's 1.9 seconds, zero to 60. Damn. That's insanity. Well it's insanity because then people don't hear you coming and you're going that much faster. That's true. That's true. But it also gets you away from things. Like if you see something about to happen you could get out of there quicker. You can merge on the highway like instantaneously. You never have to worry am I going fast enough? Like if I merge in this lane? Am I am I cutting this too close?

You can just you're gone. I know the brakes that much better No, no, you could get upgraded brakes though There's a company called unplugged that will take it and they put upgraded brakes They widen the fenders and put wider tires on it and change the suspension and make it tauter but the brakes are good the brakes on it's they're not the best brakes on my Tesla not it's not like like a Porsche's brakes like a Porsche with like ceramic carbon ceramic brakes those are incredible like if you get like a really good modern brake setup you know six piston six you know front

brakes this big calipers, those things can really fucking slow down a car quickly. So the Tesla is not as good as those, but it's good enough. But it's a heavy ass car too that they're having a problem with guardrails. I was reading this thing about electric cars like they drove one of those Rivian trucks just goes right through those guardrails because it's way heavier than a regular car. Oh, no shit. Yeah, you have to think about that.

Yeah, Rivians had a big callback. I think they're okay now, but they called back like every one of them at one point. Oh, for what? Like a year ago. I can't remember what it was, but. You know what's incredible? Have you seen a Lucid, Lucid Sapphire? No.

Lucid Sapphire is, the company's kind of struggling. They're having a hard time selling these things. But I think they have some Saudi Arabian money now, so maybe they're going to be okay. But they have a thing called a Sapphire that's one of the most insane electric cars ever built. Wow. It's like a Mercedes, like incredible attention to detail, like incredible interior, luxurious, and zero to 60 is even faster than my car.

I think there's zero to 60 is something bonkers, like 1.7 seconds. Whoa. Yeah, scroll back up where it says the acceleration. Here it goes, okay, 2.2 seconds to 60 miles an hour, quarter mile of 9.28 seconds, which is bananas for a car. Which, that is so crazy. Yeah.

I mean, it's so fast, but it also has incredible, so it says the timer backs this up with more outrageous numbers, 0 to 60 in 1.9 seconds, and then a 9.05 second at 154 miles per hour for the quarter mile, which is bananas. That's so fast. And it handles really well. Great brakes. Have you taken the Tesla on track? No. But it's a lot more expensive. I think those are like the that one the sapphire. I think that's like a quarter million dollars. Where is it from? It's an I believe it's an American car. At least it's made in America. I think they make them in Arizona. Insane car though. 250 grand. Yeah, so they're doing cars like that now

where it has all these things, but you still have to charge it. But now Samsung apparently is coming out with a new battery for electric vehicles that they've apparently been working on that can charge in nine minutes and it has a 600 mile range. I heard about that. Yeah. That's a game changer.

Game changer. Nine minutes is a game changer. That's a game changer. But I'm gonna plug it in and I'm gonna run away because who fucking knows how long the amount of juice that's going to that batteries who knows if a gaskets loose or who fucking knows man I don't want to be nowhere near those batteries yeah that scares the shit out of me I know you've seen those videos of guys getting

in elevators with e-car batteries or e-bike batteries and the batteries explode and they just fry and people's houses burned down because they leave in elevators with e-car batteries or e-bike batteries and the batteries explode. Yeah, I've seen that. And they just fry. And people's houses burn down because they leave the, if you leave it charged in your garage it will ignite sometimes. And it blasts fire. It doesn't just light on fire, it blasts fire.

It's like it's all condensed in there. And when it goes, it goes like a fucking fire bomb. There's a video of a guy in an elevator. It's horrific. He sets it down on the ground and it just like sparks and then just full on fills the elevator with fire. There's nowhere to hide. This guy just cooks alive inside that elevator. Imagine that. You're trying to save a few bucks by getting an electric bike and you burn your house down. It's also this ridiculous thing that we have where we think that that's eco-friendly.

I'm going to be eco-friendly. I'm going to drive my electric bike. That is not eco-friendly. Like you're using electricity. That electricity probably requires somewhere, somewhere someone's burning something to make that electricity. Whether it's coal or you know it could be natural gas. Something's happening where there's a something to make that electricity whether it's coal or you know it could be natural gas something's happening where there's a combustion and that's how you're getting this electricity what is that putting in there you lazy bitch just ride your bike like a regular bike rider you fucking lazy bitch that don't show me this that also doesn't even get into what we're talking about with the coal ball mining that has to go into it and

the disposal of the batteries Which nobody really understands a change my mind show it show it to Greg I was saying don't show it to me, but show it to Greg Greg needs to see this so this poor dude He sets it down Look, oh, it's before even set it down, bro. It's just yeah death. Just death Yeah It freaks me out, Jamie. Stop it. I was looking at it. Someone looked into what this was, and there's a lot of stories on

what it may have been. I'm not really sure what the actual story was. I'll tell you what a lug... You know what a lug to your hotel is? You put me up in this beautiful hotel, and the elevators are always there. That's the difference between a good hotel and a bad hotel. Right, when you have to wait. No matter what floor you're on, you push the button. I swear to God, two seconds, the thing is there. And then I'm in the middle of, I'm on the road for a month right now.

I'm home for two days because I'm out promoting the special and doing road work on the weekends in between. So I was like, yesterday, I was like, fuck, I got to do some laundry. And so I look on my Google Maps, is there a place for drop-off service? Nothing. I would have to drive like 15 minutes in an Uber. So I was like, fuck it, I'll just do the hotel laundry. And it's like a luxury hotel. So I put my clothes into the bag. It was five pairs of socks, five t-shirts, and five pairs of underwear. I came back, it was $105.

Jesus. I was like, fuck man. You could have bought those. Exactly. That's, Dom I rarely used to do that. He used to buy fresh underwear and fresh socks everywhere he went. No shit. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, I don't want to wash them. Yeah. That's great. He made good money. I mean, that's if you're going to spend money on something. Just buy new socks, throw them away. Yeah, right, right. And I don't buy expensive socks, you know, but I had already turned- Again, who's making those socks?

That's right. You know the Sheen, is that that clothing company that sells stuff real cheap? I don't know. Ever heard of that, Jamie? Sheen? I was just reading something today about people finding like letters like please help me I have dental pain like that kind of shit. Yeah, I'm forced to be stuck here Did she get in trouble for using child labor? Is there something about that?

And what store is selling sheen? I mean, I know I think it's an online thing Okay, cuz I know sometimes the big ones like Walmart they get in trouble for some of the places they shop. Well, that's the thing, man. It's like if you're buying something from an American store, you have no idea where it was made and how it was made. Conspiracy theory claiming Sheen workers sent pleas for help in clothing has tens of millions of views on TikTok. There's no evidence to support this particular theory, despite criticism of Sheen's business

model. Yeah, but Google Sheen in trouble for child labor or confirms child labor. There was something about that today. There was something in the news, child labor. Yeah, okay. This just says two cases. Sheen says it found two cases of child labor in its supply chain last year. So you got to think, right, like they send their stuff to factories to get those factories to make their stuff.

If they found two in China, I mean, China, they protect what's going on in these factories. You think, I mean, does this count the North Koreans that are being held? Right. Well, maybe it's not for this company. Company said it did not find any cases of child labor in Q4 of 2023. That's real specific. Did you look? That was only found during Q3 or something earlier in the year. Okay, so in Q4 they weren't doing it anymore? Which is weird startup that was only found during Q1 and Q3 or something earlier in the year. Okay, so in Q4 they weren't doing it anymore? Which is weird because that was the kid's name that they caught doing the channel. It should be made in America. You should be able to buy American stuff.

And there's not that many companies that are selling things in America, unfortunately. Tom's Shoes. Tom's Shoes? Is that what you buy? It's called Tom's, yeah. They sell you a pair of shoes and they donate a pair to a third world kid that has no shoes. Oh, that's nice.

You know those barefoot kids? Yeah, that's nice. Not barefoot anymore. There you go. What are the companies? I guess Patagonia, they're very conscious about where they manufacture. I would imagine any of those like rocky,

mountain climbing people companies, like North Face, they'd have to be pretty ecological. I heard REI's not doing good. What do you mean? The company? Their practices or the company? No, the company's not doing good. Dude, I fucking love that company.

Love that place. They got one in Marina Del Rey that's huge. And I don't know, I get so excited just walking through the aisles finding cool shit. It's the only place where you buy waterproof matches on a whim. I need a canteen that I can also take a shit into. I need a 100,000 lumen flashlight, cases of fucking raccoon in my garbage. Boom motherfucker! You see those flashlights they have? Oh yeah. They have crazy flashlights. Yeah. motherfucker Flashlights they have yeah, yeah crazy flashlights. Yeah. Yeah, like some of those like LED flashlights They they're so powerful. It's bananas how but we used to have flashlights. They were bullshit

I know it that one stupid bulb and that silver Reflective area on the outside supposed to amplify the light from this one shitty light bulb. And you had to put in those like giant double D batteries that weighed like eight pounds to carry it around. I think they all need those now for it. Well, I think with these really high lumen lights, the LEDs don't draw much electricity. Dude, all my camping stuff is solar.

Really? Yeah, my lanterns are all solar. It's great. Oh, wow. They collapse, it's collapsible. And then it pops up. I think it's a Coleman. It collapses and then it pops up and then charges.

It's got a nice light. My friend Adam Greentree, he does a lot of these solo hunts where he goes into the back country for like a month at a time, just him by himself living off the land. And he has this, it's like a tarp you lay out. It's a solar tarp, like you unfold it. And he uses it to charge his phone, charge his cameras, like anything he wants to charge. Yeah, I bet you those boats, those people that take a boat from Hawaii to mainland US,

they must have, everything must be solar. You have to have something solar. You have to have at least some kind of backup. Like if your generator goes down, you're stuck in the middle of the fucking ocean, you can't even rescue, you know, like send a rescue message. Yeah. Dude, if you told me we're going to send you on a sailboat to Hawaii, I would be like, I'll just die. You could just, you could kill me. Going into storms with 20 foot waves on his sailboat. In the middle of the ocean, dude.

In the middle of the ocean. How about that guy that died in Italy? Do you hear that story? That crazy story? Yeah. What happened? So there's this guy who was on trial. He was some billionaire character who was on trial for, I forget what the charges were,

but there was a very low probability of him beating the case and he went up beating it and then He's on the island of Sicily He's around Sicily in the ocean and a water spout out of nowhere hits his boat Sinks him and kills him and I believe killed his daughter and maybe a few other people as well And then some people swim to safety. But what are the odds that this waterspout takes out this one guy's yacht right after this guy gets off on apparently, allegedly, ripping off a bunch of very wealthy people? Oh, yeah.

Now his co-defendant gets hit by a car. He gets killed too. No shit. Nothing to see here. Not in Sicily. That shit never happens in Sicily. I don't know if the co-defendant got killed in Sicily. The co-defendant might have got killed somewhere else, but I know they're both dead. Damn. Quick. Yeah. It makes you wonder. Like don't fuck with rich people. Yeah, it makes you wonder. Like don't fuck with rich people. Do not. Yeah. Because they can make someone rich to get rid of you.

Like, how much do you think you're worth? Like if someone's worth $80 billion and you rip them off for like $5 billion, you're like, I want this motherfucker dead. Yeah. And you go for a walk on a beach with a guy, and everybody leaves their cell phones at home, you explain how it's all gonna get done,

and then a water spout just shows up in the middle of the ocean. What are they, are they using satellites? What access to fucking killer weather technology do they really have? What do they have? Let's assume this is a conspiracy, because it might not have been, it might be God.

God might have said, fuck this guy, which is horrible because he also said fuck the guy's daughter and a bunch of people working on the boat. But if God did that, it's pretty crazy, right? That's one option. One option is it's some strange karma that God just decided it's your time. Another option is just complete coincidence. Just this took place to this guy, he's just on the ocean and shit happens. It's just crazy, just circumstance, and people are gonna attribute it to a conspiracy. The other possibility is that they can do that, that some force in the world has the kind of technology that can direct a storm to a very specific spot,

that can create a water spout. Like seeding the clouds or something. Something probably more complicated than that. Like some sort of a direct energy weapon. Like something where they can do something with the ionosphere, do something with lasers. I don't know what the fuck they're using. But some kind of technology that can amplify weather

and point it to a very specific place, which is crazy to think. Like imagine if there's a hurricane machine out there. If we know that like Japan starts talking shit, oh yeah, you want to talk some shit? How about we send a hurricane your way? And you don't even know you can do hurricanes. So if you don't know that we're creating the hurricane, you think you just got hit by a hurricane. Like how much Control do they have over storms or sieges like a siege used to be you surrounded the city and you kept any food from Coming in now. How about a drought for a year? Right? Right. Maybe they can do that Well, they know what does this a story says but the potentially could have been avoided if the ship had been, I don't

want to say treated or cared for correctly because they knew that a storm was coming and they didn't do some things they should have done, including button down all the hatches, lift up the anchor, and a few other things were on the list I saw. So they're like, there's an investigation going in, they might have man slaughter charges or something. Probable that offenses were committed because of the way that people set the boat up. Yeah, they're not even positive if,

like they could have survived that storm if those things were done. Stop trying to be a party pooper. I'm trying to promote a conspiracy theory over here. So imagine if you do have control of the weather, what would you do? You'd start a storm first, can't just have this water spout appear out of nowhere.

Let's start a fucking storm. You guys out there boating? Okay, let's start a storm. Can they start a storm? Well, how much control? I mean, I don't know anything about it except like, what do they call it? Cloud seeding? Cloud seeding is real.

How much control do we have over the weather now? Well, cloud seeding is real. They do it in Abu Dhabi once a week. So they have, it rains once a week in Abu Dhabi because they're insanely wealthy, right? And they're like, wouldn't it be nice if it rained? So let's fucking make it rain. So there's chemicals that you spray in the clouds

and it's something about it changes the weight of the water vapor. But there has to be clouds. Yeah, I think there has to be clouds, but there's kind of always clouds, like some clouds. In Dubai though, recently, they had a disaster where they fucked up and they over-amped and they got more rain than they've had in seven years.

And so there's like supercars floating down the street, like mad flooding, because they don't really have the infrastructure to deal with that kind of water, like just pouring down on it. Did you see any of that footage? No. I'm pretty sure this has all been, they've all tied this into cloud seeding. See if that's true.

But the footage of the flood is fucking bonkers. So if there's cloud seeding, will there not be fighting between places about who gets to pull the water from the clouds? Because you'll exhaust the air and the water eventually, and the sky eventually. I wonder if that's true. I wonder if there's more up there than we think there is, and I wonder what the negative consequences are. Like, does it have an effect on other parts of the world?

So that heavy rainfall continues to pound UAE. Several flights canceled. So it was, I had some friends that were over there while this was happening. They said it was nuts. Like they're just not designed for that. So buildings were leaking. Like everything was flooded. Like these buildings are not really set up. Look at all those cars like sunk underwater. These buildings, some of them are not really set up. Look at the fucking airport. That's nuts. It's like a swimming underwater. These buildings, some of them are not really set up. Look at the fucking airport. That's nuts. It's like a swimming pool.

They're not set up for this kind of rainfall, or any kind of rainfall. They probably did a shit job building them, and they didn't weatherproof them. They didn't think it was going to rain. When you're in the desert, sometimes that shit backs up. Yeah, but this is like raining for days. So was it because of cloud seeding?

Does it say Google that see if it's I'm pretty sure they attribute it to the cloud seeding Which is not so they can do that's wild so we can make it rain that yeah So that's kind of simple though, that's not starting a storm and it's certainly not directing a storm. So it makes you wonder like, okay, that seems pretty straightforward how they do the cloud seeding. But is there any sort of technology that's even feasible that would allow you to manipulate the weather. So if we understand the conditions in which certain storms emerge, like hurricanes, it has to do with the warming of the ocean,

like the ocean water. And then a cold front coming in above it. There's a bunch of different factors that happen. Like, would it be possible to mimic those conditions or to artificially stimulate those conditions? Is it even feasible like how would you warm the ocean? That's insane. So big how you gonna do that saying? This is just a crazy weather event that happened with like a low pressure system not moving right they had forecasted that it was gonna happen Did they do any cloud seeding though that there's reports that cloud seating may have had the thing but BBC says they're unable to independently

Identify whether cloud seating took place Right because if I was working for the UAE I don't know the fuck you're talking about Cloud seating yeah, like you know much insurance is involved in all this. No this just happened Do you know much money is lost there? Just think of that think of how much repairs how many cars got drowned I didn't do drowned. I didn't do it. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Cloud seating. What is this, a science fiction movie bitch? It's 20 people. That's the department of cloud seating.

We're not cloud seating. And they fucked up. We're not cloud seating. We just, it rained. It rained in the middle of the desert. By the way, the BBC, like when I think about, because everybody talks about like which news sources can you trust and neither side trusts the other side? BBC kind of feels like the place we can all go. That's pretty good. That's they're pretty good Yeah, it's real hard with anything. That's a corporation if you really want to get news. I get some unbiased news There's a thing. What is it called?

some unbiased news. There's a thing, what is it called? 1492? Is that what it's called? Oh yeah. It's basically just fact driven news stories, no editorial bend to it whatsoever. Not owned by a board that's on one side or the other. Exactly. So I get that. But somehow I trust like... BBC's pretty good. Guardian, BBC... But anybody that's got some sort of an agenda, any one way or the other, you know, whether it's to minimize one person's activity or maximize another person's, like what are... Just tell me what happened.

Tell me who did what and what took place and just don't give me any words like far right. Don't say extremist. Don't say any of that stuff. Just tell me what a human being did. What another human, like what started this? Well that's why I prefer People magazine over us because like when I see Ben Affleck with the giant Starbucks cup and it says he's just like us. I'm like, fucking, that's it. That's the real deal. That's fact. I used to read People Magazine every week. My wife was working at a doctor's office

and I'd say, fucking steal that People Magazine. So nuts. I just love, I don't know why. It's cause it's so much, after all the other bullshit news that you look at Just to go like alright Just I want to see a country singer who's got a new fucking baby, and it's sweet It's all just super low frequency information

Mm-hmm I used to love those fake ones whether it like was it which ones were the ones who were talking about Bigfoot UFOs? All the National Enquirer no no that one. National Enquirer was like gossipy stuff. Oh the something. World News. World News report. Yeah yeah. Those were great. They had the worst like Photoshop pictures and I'm like give me that. What did you do? My father was you know my father was in broadcasting and he did a lot of voiceovers. And so one of his accounts was the, it was the National Enquirer. And his voice would come on every week, all the commercials for National Enquirer would

come on. And that was my dad. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Give me some... I didn't want to copy the story, sorry. Just let me see some of those. Look at the Bat-Child.

Look at that. Look at the Bat-Child found in in cave Hillary Clinton adopts alien, baby Does look like Chelsea a little bit there's bat bat child found in cave look at that bat boy leads cops at three state chase first photos of heaven Computer virus spreads to humans They're amazing! Computer virus spreads to humans. Princess Diana's alive. Batboy sided in New York City.

Batboy got a lot of coverage. He must have saw a lot of episodes. Pregnant man gives birth. Look, that was ridiculous back then. Now it's like a curse. A curse he gave birth. Oh my god, there's Bigfoot runaway bride. But look at the bride. He's running away!

But look at the bride! It's so clearly like a holograph. It's not- they've even tried. It's a drawing! It's Bigfoot with a fucking veil on! Oh my god, Fat Cat owns 23 old ladies. Titanic Captain found a lifeboat. Did you see that one? Oh my God!

Oh, that's amazing. It's so funny. They were so good. They were so good. Yeah. It was just ridiculous enough. They were like, give me that. Yeah.

Give me that. What did you do? You son of a bitch. It was the onion before the onion was. Bigfoot was huge. Yeah. Oh yeah, there was always Bigfoot stories. There was a lot of Bigfoot stories. Oh, Jackie with crippled Kennedy, proving he didn't die in Dallas.

Oh yeah. He just got crippled. Yeah, getting shot in the head will make you crippled on your... It's funny, just circle a blurry photo. That's him. How the fuck do you know that's him? It's just so stupid. They just lied to you, but the lies are so ridiculous, It's us, Duvall. They just lied to you. But the lies are so ridiculous, it's like, it's okay. Like, some kind of fraud we allow. We allow preachers, like, televangelists. You know, like the-

Preachers. How about fucking religion? Oh, yeah. How about this new kind of like, the Christians are taking over the country and forcing us to put the Ten Commandments on the sides of fucking courthouses and get it taught in schools. Who's doing that? It's a fantasy. Wait a minute, who's doing that?

What, the courthouses? Yeah, where's that happening? What state is that? Maybe it's Texas. I don't know. Really? Yeah. Was the Ten Commandments always there? Or are they trying to reintroduce it, or are they trying to introduce it? Well, there's different Ten Commandments, first of all. There's the Catholic Ten Commandments, and

then there's the Lutheran Ten Commandments, so I don't even know which one they're using. But is it Alabama? One of the states is forcing them to put the Ten Commandments inside of courthouses. Really? Find out. ACLU sues over Ten Commandments in courthouse, saying biblical text violates religious liberty, and this is from 2001. Oh, 2001. Now, this is in the last year.

Huh. Are you sure you haven't been just on the liberal news report? Positive. Probably get it in Venice. You guys all lie to each other. It's all about homeless people and the Ten Commandments. There's a story about a monument in between the Texas State Capitol building and the State Supreme Court building. Oh, it's just a monument? It stood on grounds between Texas State Capitol building and the State Supreme Court building. The monument was one of several scattered around the Capitol grounds. Its location did not draw special attention to it.

Yeah, that's not it. You know what scholars from Israel think the Ten Commandments were? Moses and the burning bush, like that whole thing? Yeah. They think it was DMT. They think that the Acacia bush is very rich in DMT, and they think it's indicative of a psychedelic experience. This is the idea, instead of smoking this compound,

it's a burning bush. Like this is how you would get that analogy, especially when you're dealing with a story that's told over a thousand years before it's ever written down. And it's translated in all these different languages, but if you break it down to what it is, these scholars now believe that it's some sort

of a psychedelic experience where he comes back and said, God has given us these rules to live by. In that case, I'm in. I'm in on those Ten Commandments They came from somewhere real then yeah Well, I think all of it if you stop and think I always bring this up But it's it's a good point like in the beginning there was light Well, isn't that the Big Bang?

I mean we believe in that like all Scientists that are studying the origins of the universe believe in the Big Bang all scientists that are studying the origins of the universe believe in the Big Bang. There's new people like, well not new, like Sir Roger Penrose who has been on the show before, who now believes that the Big Bang was the end of another universe and that it's probably this endless cycle. And it's not as simple as there was nothing and then there was something, that there's always this expansion and contraction and then these cosmic events take place and they burst into new universes. They just manifest different types of life forms at different times.

That's all completely speculative, right? What they do know is what they can see, right? So what they can see is some sort of evidence, some sort of a background evidence of this event that took place. They're still arguing about how much time ago it took because the James Webb telescope, they've seen some structures and some galaxies that are so far away they shouldn't have been able to form in the amount of time that it took from the current understanding of the Big Bang and some people want to

push the Big Bang back 22 billion years now instead of 13 billion years but it could be that that's just as far because it's that's 22 billion years it takes for light to get there to breach us but if it's a hundred billion years that shit's never gonna get there we're never gonna see it yeah so if it goes back further and further than that it's just not available to us we don't have the ability to see it yet but But we might. Now with the James Webb, they can see far further back, and with new telescopes they invent and new methods of detection, they might be able to realize there's no end to this thing. And there was no beginning,

and it just keeps happening. It's more logical than it not being true. I mean, there's obviously, I mean, all the laws of physics are about the, the, you know, energy and mass not disappearing. It exists, and there's different wavelengths that all life exists. We're in such a slim, you know, frame of energy that, and now I feel like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. I know what you're saying though Yeah, but it just it's not logical that there would be just this and no it's not infinity. It's silly But it's also even if there wasn't the universe is so crazy. Just what we know it it is Even if we said, oh, it's only 13.7 billion years old Like you don't even know what that means. Mm-hmm that means just you know fucking big that is and by the way We're not at the end of it. It's not like we're like it blew up, and we're as far away. We look back That's what we see no it goes that far that way too, so it's it's fucking immense

Beyond imagination you could put it in the numbers you could write it down Billion this that it doesn't even register you can't imagine how long it would take to get there you can't imagine if you're going the speed of light something taking 13.7 billion years to arrive at it's so big that even if that's it that's the whole thing even if it's finite even if they define the universe as a structure it's finite and it is X amount of billion years of light-year travel until you reach the end of this structure maybe it's finite, and it is X amount of billion years of light year travel until you reach the end of this structure, maybe it rotates into itself, who knows? It's still insane!

So the idea that it's not, it doesn't have a boundary, that there's more of them, that there's a multiverse, that there's an infinite number of them, that they const... One of the theories is that in the center of every galaxy there's a supermassive black hole, and if you go through that supermassive black hole, you will find another universe. Right. With hundreds of billions of galaxies, each one of the supermassive black hole in the middle of it, go through that, hundreds of billions of universe, like that it's never ending and fractal.

Yeah, and also the fact that we can travel at a certain speed and the fact that there isn't another life force that can go instantaneously through incredible distances. Probably for sure they can. Yeah. I mean, we were talking the other day, I had this guy on and we were talking about, imagine if you were living in the Roman Empire and you showed them a garage door opener.

They'd be like, what the fuck? This is crazy. You're nowhere near that thing. You press a button and it goes up. That's nuts. It's a radio frequency, something you can't see, feel, or touch. We think it's so crazy, but it might be how we travel through space in the future. Just zip to some new spot and be super normal for us.

Like, well, are you going to fly there like an idiot with a jet engine? You're going to need stopovers to refuel. Yeah. And you hope you don't get hit by a micro meteorite along the way and get annihilated. Yeah. You hear about those people that are stuck in the space station. Yeah. Bro. Elon has to go rescue them. Is that what's going to happen? Yeah. Boeing can't get them. They're having failures with their jets.

Apparently Boeing at one time was talking shit about SpaceX and now Elon's talking shit to Boeing Oh, that's great. Because they're gonna have to go rescue those people. Yeah Is there is Russia or China's anybody else going to the space station? We can catch a ride from it would be nice Yeah, that would be nice. I don't know. I know but I know You can't stay up there too long. It's really bad for you I heard it's like nine months is the forecast right now of how long they can stay up there. Do you know how long they were supposed to be there for?

No. Eight days. No. No. And how long are they staying? I heard something like nine months. If there's no fewer than 240, the Starliner, it will amount to no fewer than 240 consecutive days since the Space Girls launch.

Yeah, so nine months. When do they run out of food? When do they run out of food? When do they run out of food? When do they start eating each other? Bro, when do they run out of food? How much food do they have up there? How can they have enough food? How is it even possible? What do they do with their shit? They shoot it out into space? Can't do that. What if it lands on somebody? Kill them. That's happened before. Right in the windshield? Really? Yeah, they dropped they dropped out of planes frozen turds have come through people's fucking house roofs

Yeah, like a brick of shit from the sky boom imagine you watching the Super Bowl like this is amazing Rick of frozen shit from 180 passengers comes crashing through your kitchen roof Who do you call for that? Their ride is always gonna bet they just can't safely take it back Why the Helium leaks in several issues with smaller thrusters. It's been docked with the space station Says on so like earlier this week They announced that it will undock without a crew

in early September and come back to earth while they wait for their ride sometime in 2025. Oh my God, in 2025. We are in August right now of 2024 talking about this. Would you want to not just get on the thing and go with it? No. You're gonna get left in space. Would you take your chance?

I don't know. Oh, you might take your chance. What if you're almost out of food? Right, you might take a chance. You know what's so fucking crazy is that it takes this long when you think about like, what was it, 1969 when we went to the, when we go to the moon? Allegedly. Allegedly. That they basically took with no real computers, with none of the technology we have today. Picture a 1969 fucking Camaro going up into space. They got up to space in, and they had a space program that was very accelerated.

They did this shit fast because Russia had thrown down the gauntlet. They had already gotten there and we wanted to get on the moon the moon first. Well we all had Nazi scientists. Oh that's right. Yeah. Russia got a bunch and we got a bunch. But dude they got up there and then somebody hit a wrong button when they I think that I guess this was a what was the first one the Apollo yeah they hit a wrong button on the computer and they went off course and they self corrected on a

fucking onboard computer because you know if you miss the gravitational pull you just fucking spin out into space and it's over and these dudes somehow made it with a V8 engine they just got to the moon. I think it was an EcoBoost. And then now today, how is it that it still takes us this long to do the same thing that they did 50 years ago? Well, do you know that the Apollo missions were the only time that they ever sent a living thing into deep space and had to come back alive? What? Yeah. They never sent anything into deep space.

Like, they never sent a monkey to the moon and had to come back alive to see if the people could survive. Huh. The first time they did it was with people. Wow. Yeah, seems odd. Damn. Seems odd that no mission other than the Apollo missions

has ever been past Earth's gravity. Yeah. So the way all of these missions, like the space station mission, they're all like 300 miles, 350 miles, space shuttle missions, everything's inside 300 miles. Because it's inside the Van Allen radiation belts. So this is this immense band of radiation

that covers the Earth, that lasts, I forget how many thousands of miles, but it's outside of where all the space travel is. Except the Apollo's. They went through it, no problem. miles but it's outside of where all the space travel is except the Apollos. They went through it, no problem. And they tried to blow a hole through it once. They actually ignited a nuclear bomb in space. It was Operation Starfish Prime.

So they shot a nuke up into space to try to clear a pathway so they could like shoot a rocket through it and have no problems and it made it way more radioactive They had the opposite effect instead of blowing a hole through it. It's just supercharged the belt. No shit Yeah, it was a crazy Experiment the idea that they would shoot a rocket into space and blow up a nuclear bomb Yeah pull up our operations start. What year was that? Like pre-satellites? 67, 68 somewhere around then maybe slightly earlier than that. Okay. Because now you fuck up all the telecommunications if you did that. No, no, no. Well maybe. It depends on where you do it I guess. But a solar flare could fuck up all of our communications. One good blast and all of our satellites are down.

Starfish Prime is a high altitude nuclear test conducted by the... It's just a test, Gregory. A joint effort of the Atomic Energy Commission and the Defense Atomic Support... Oh, 62. It was launched in Johnston, Atoll in July 9, 1962. It's the largest nuclear test conducted in outer space and one of five conducted by the US in space. A Thor rocket, imagine your name on your rocket, Thor.

Containing a W49 thermonuclear warhead designed at Los Alamos Scientific Laboratory, and a Mk2 reentry vehicle was launched from Johnston Atoll in the Pacific Ocean about 900 miles west-southwest of Hawaii. The explosion took place at an altitude of 250 miles, not that high. Now. That's not that high. That's like right at the border of where I think the belt start. I think the belt started like around 300, 350 something like that. Starfish test was one of five high-altitude tests grouped together as Operation Fishbowl. I think in Hawaii

they had power outages because of it. Wow. But did they have power outages? Does it say they have power outages in Hawaii? Does it say anything? This is the whole Wikipedia on the thing, right? Hmm... I believe they did. I think that was one of the issues. After Effects. Okay, here it goes.

While some of the energetic beta particles followed the Earth's magnetic field and illuminated the sky, other high-energy electrons became trapped and formed radiation belts around the sky. Other high-energy electrons became trapped and formed radiation belts around the earth. The added electrons increased the intensity of the electrons within the natural inner Van Allen radiation belt by several orders of magnitude. There was much uncertainty and debate about the composition, magnitude, and potential adverse effects from the trap radiation after the detonation. The weaponeers became quite worried when three satellites in low Earth orbit were disabled.

These included the TRAAC and the Transit 4B. The half-life of the energetic electrons was only a few days. At the time, it was not known that solar and cosmic particle fluxes varied by a factor of 10 and energies could exceed 1 MeV, whatever that means, in the months that followed. These man-made radiation belts eventually caused six or more satellites to fail. As radiation damaged their solar arrays or electronics, including the first commercial relay communications satellite, Telstar, as well as the United Kingdom's first satellite detectors on Telstar, TRAAC engine in area one

were used to measure the distribution of the radiation produced by the tests. So we fucked up England's satellite. Out of their fucking mind. That's insane. Hey, fuck it. Let's try this. They're so crazy.

Oh my God. Oh wait, look at this. Exposure in crazy. Oh my oh wait look at this explosion outer space The fallout from starfish prime was less than other ground tests estimate for its health impacts and Excess deaths including from thyroid cancer are hard to find but overall excess deaths impact of thousands of above ground tests have likely amounted between 10,000 and 100,000 lives. Just from the the tests. That's what killed John Wayne, you know. Oh, is that right? John Wayne

and the whole cast of a movie he was on got cancer. And they did these Westerns out in Nevada. That's what I meant before when I said Oklahoma, I met Nevada. Yeah. Nevada had a bunch of them. Yeah. That's why they got gambling. Let's make a deal. The Conqueror, 220 people on the set of The Conqueror. 91 were diagnosed with cancer including both Wayne who died in 1979 and 72 and his co-star Susan Hayward who died in 1975 at 57. Dude John Wayne looked a lot older than 72 by the end. That was a different time.

Yeah. They didn't have no vitamins. They ate mayonnaise. I know. They had no sunblock, no vegetables. They just came up with margarine. Yeah. Margarine was big.

You know, non-stick surfaces on pans were made out of fucking toxins. That was him at the end. 72, look at him. Wow. Rough. Rough time. Dies at 72. The Duke.

I'll tell ya. AI. Quentin Tarantino movie. John Wayne. Last gunslinger. They say when, remember when Brando had the indigenous woman go up and accept his Oscar? And she wasn't really indigenous? Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, she was a con man. Apparently John Wayne, they had to physically restrain John Wayne. Oh, he went nutty. Yeah, he went nutty. Yeah, that lady was crazy. Her sister was like, we're not Indian. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That wasn't her name. Yeah, she was like, outraged John Wayne had to be restrained by six guards during the Marlon Brando Oscar win. I'll tell you what. Find out that lady that that lady was not really Native American. Wow. She had made it all up. She came up with a fake name. She got up there with the whole poncho on and everything. The ponytails. She had the big tails, the braids. It was Halloween at the Oscars. Bro, she was like one of the first people that like stole culture. And she spoke in like a broken English too.

Yes! Amazing! Amazing. That's amazing. Yeah, her sister ratted her out. I'm pretty sure it was her sister. Well that's what's, I mean, talk about- Did you find that story?

Pre-internet, like the woman who was ended up like being a leader for the NAACP and she wasn't black. Oh, Rachel Dolezal. She was Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. You know, back then you couldn't be transracial, but I think that's coming. I think she's ahead of her time.

Yeah. I think she's ahead of her time. I think you could probably be trans white and no one will call you on it. Trans white, it's like, let them be white. That's fine. I identify as white. Okay. No one cares.

You know? Like no one gets outraged when a woman turns into a man. You're like, well, you probably shouldn't have done that, but good luck to you. Nobody gets mad. Like you're appropriating male culture. Like women get mad when men become women and then wanna go in the women's room

and appropriate women culture and then join women's groups and tell women what to do and They're biological males who identify as women women get real upset, but if like a biological woman Wants to hang out with the guys and wants to pretend to be a guy and like yeah I want to get on the board like no one's can threatened. Okay, Frank Join the board point who cares? Yeah Maybe it's not true. He didn't rest the stage. Oh That's me while I'm looking for this thing

I found the story saying that they had to debunk it every few years because it kind of comes back up Maybe maybe he knew she wasn't really Indian so he didn't charge his stage. Maybe it's one of them cueing on things So what is the lady though the story about the lady? That's what I really wanted to hear about. Because that's kooky. There's a kooky thing that people do when they pretend, they always pretend to be Native American. No one pretends they're Polish. No, I've got Polish roots. Like no one, no one does that.

No one pretends to be Irish. No one says I'm German when you're actually not. Although some people pretend they're not German shortly after the war. Yes, that's true. Shortly after the war. Yeah, they moved to Argentina. Yep. Yeah, a lot of them. Yep.

Yeah, and Brazil. Communities of Brazil, they speak German. Boys from Brazil. Oh yeah, the Argentina thing is crazy. Yeah. Like they had that show, Finding Hitler, and they go down there and there's like these people that have like photos of SS troops on their wall. That was grandpa.

Uh-huh. And they wear leader hosun and they have fucking Oktoberfest down there yeah yeah the whole escaped it's crazy yeah it's crazy they got out you have the story yeah well I'm making sure it's accurate because that was going around 2022 and then more recently there's a documentary made and someone hired someone to look into all of this stuff and that's how I was just reading through to see what they found because they might have found something that says that there is some sort of link but yeah but I'm pretty sure the the gal was she had some issues and was kind of like making

stuff up yeah I'm pretty sure that's fun yeah. I bet she's fun to hang out with. Yeah. She wants to pretend to be an Indian. I'm like, okay. Let's go. Let's go camping. Let's see what you really got. Yeah, show me how to start a fire. Go catch a fish.

There's two rocks. How do you do it? How do you guys start a fire? Show me how. Yeah, her sisters were saying she was a fraud. Yeah, her sisters ratted her out. Yeah. Pull the story up so we read it.

I'm trying to get it covered by it. Goddamn ad blockers. Yeah. It's just that thing of people wanting to be something other than the fact that they're not doing it. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,ed her out. Yeah, pull the story up. I'm trying to cover it by... Goddamn ad blockers. It's just that thing of people wanting to be something other than what they are is very weird. But the grass is always greener. God, I wish I was a Native American. That'd be so fucking cool. You know? Like you pretend you hear things. Shhh.

You know? Look, there she is! Sashin Littlefeather. What a great name! Lying about Native American ancestry, sister's claim. It's a fraud, it's disgusting to the heritage of the tribal people, and it's just insulting to my parents. She was a nutty lady. She was pretty though, too.

Yeah, she was gorgeous. That's probably how she tricked Marlon Brenda. Oh, yeah! She's probably hot. She rubbed up against him, and was like, I love Indians. Littlefeather. Why don't you do me a favor? Yeah Yeah, got it when came 350 pounds. Yeah hung out by himself on an island But that's probably why he was so good, you know, you talk about like original comics like he's the original actor Yeah, you know street Desire, watch that movie. Like nobody acted like that back then. Well, it was part of that whole, he went to the neighborhood playhouse in New York and

his class at the neighborhood playhouse was James Dean, Paul Newman. What was Paul Newman's wife's name? She was was very famous actress as well. Yeah, I don't remember. There was this one group that started, and it was, you know, Stanislavski taught Meisner. Meisner started the neighborhood playhouse. And that whole voice in acting that was based on listening and answering and being in the moment, and it was about finding emotional truth and coming from that rather than from the dialogue. You didn't study the dialogue and recite it.

You found where the emotional truth of where this character was, and then you just unleashed it and you found the moment in that. And that started this whole kind of like realistic acting. Right. Cause before that they were like, say, get away from my girl. It was all rhythm. I'll suck you. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right.

Why I oughta. Yeah, they talk so weird back there. Yeah. And they talk fake. It was like fake. Like he was the first guy that like, oh, that seems like he's really experiencing that right now. He's really upset. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I Yeah. Yeah. And I think on the waterfront was incredible. Yeah. It was great. I could have been a contender. I could have been somebody instead of a bum, which is what I am. And everybody was like, Whoa, who's this guy? Marlon Brando, James Dean, same kind of thing. You know, they just broke down on stage the emotions they had.

Yeah. And Newman too, in The Hustler. Oh my God. Yeah, that was amazing. Incredible, incredible. That's 1963, that's the year Kennedy was shot, that movie came out. Oh, no shit, I just rewatched it recently.

Oh, it's so good. It's fucking dark, man, it's so good. So good. Jackie Gleason was fucking amazing. First guy ever to play a pool player that you could say, that guy actually played pool. He's the only one. He's the only one where I buy it hook line and sinker.

You watch him play the balls, like that guy can play. But Paul Newman like, come on. Tom Cruise? You weren't buying Tom Cruise? Rudimentary. He didn't move the ball. Anybody can make a straight in shot if you teach them. It's like, can you move the ball? Yeah, I didn't move it takes so long to be able to stroke a ball to be able to like get a get draw stroke like full table Full length draw. Yeah, put English side spin adjust for the way it's gonna deflect off the other ball get position on the next show

That's what I want to see and you don't see that in movies where a guy's playing pool except for Gleason. When Gleason's making those shots, you're like, that guy can fucking play. Yeah, yeah. He's going into the rack, he's moving the ball around. You're like, that guy's a player. He could run 100 balls.

Was he based on, was that character based on William Oskone or on? Neither one. No, Minnesota Fats used to be called New York Fats. And he changed his name to Minnesota Fats after the movie. That movie was all about me. Oh no shit. Yeah, he was a con man.

Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a hustler, a real hustler. Minnesota Fats was a very good pool player, but not nearly as good as Willi Moscone. Willi Moscone was in the hustler. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. He was one of the guys racking the balls when they had the first big match.

But Willie Moscone was like a real world champion pool player, but in Minnesota, Fats was just a really good player. I heard he was a good gambler. I heard that Willie was a better tournament player and that Fats was a better money player. Perhaps. Moscone was just a better money player? Perhaps. Moscone was just a better player.

Period. All around. He'd beat him in everything that they would ever play in. There's not a chance in hell that... Except there's a game called One Pocket. And that was one of the games that Minnesota Fats was an expert at. And One Pocket is a complicated game where like... Do you know how to play it? No.

Okay. So if it's a six pocket table, you have the pocket on the left in the corner, I have the pocket on the right, and you must make all your balls in that pocket. There's 15 balls in a rack, right? When you get to eight balls, you win. That means you won the rack. If I get to eight balls, I win.

And so you can make a spot too, like say if I'm a better player than you, I say, I'll spot you 10 to five. You only need to make five balls and you win. I need to make 10 balls in my hole and you win. And so it's all about moving balls around. So you want to keep the cue ball in a position where you can't possibly make a ball in that corner and you want to nudge balls slowly towards your corner. It's all about not making any drastic moves and understanding how to play the game. Super complicated gambler's game. So a lot of

times when people are playing for a lot of money, they like to play the game. Super complicated gamblers game. So a lot of times when people are playing for a lot of money, they like to play this game. Wow. The games take forever. A game might take three hours for one game. Yeah. So if you pot a ball in another pocket, does it stay down? No.

If you pot a ball in a side pocket, it comes back up and it gets spotted. If you pot a ball in the other guy's pocket accidentally, that's his ball. Oh. And then you lose your spot. Dude, we should play that one day. It's boring shit. Oh, is it? Yeah, you'll go mad. You just take wild shots and you fuck up and you scatter the rack and then the guy runs out I Am to add for that. I need to be moving the ball around

I like to play position on the next shot and then that to the next shot But it's a very complicated game that like really good players Play in Minnesota fats the real New York fast is real name. He was Rudolph Wander own was his name He was a really good player at that that's the gambling game. Yeah to this day like when guys match up One of the things that happens like if there's big tournaments Certain guys will show up at where these big tournaments are that are just one pocket players and they try to entice One of these pros into a game of one pocket, uh-huh You know and then they'll bet fifty thousand sixty thousand hundred thousand you know about these things

This is a place called the Derby City classic. It happens every year in Lou. I think it's in Louisville still But these guys go down there and it's a like a ten-day festival where road players just go down and meet each other They play in tournaments and they try to gamble each other. Play like two-day games. Oh yeah. They do fucking math and stay up for three days in a row, I bet. That's what they used to do. They used to all do amphetamines, like back in the 70s. They were all real skinny. Real skinny and wired and couldn't miss a ball. No, that's the thing about pool when you play for a long time, you know, in one match

is you just lose focus for a second. And then all of a sudden, it's like golf is the same way. You have to go from hyper-focused, totally present to like relaxing, shooting the shit, listening to music, whatever. And then hyper-focus again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's Yeah. Yeah.

It's a complicated game. Unfortunately, it's not that popular anymore. When we're, you know, it's just video games are too good. It's too easy to entice people into video game land. You mean instead of pool in general? Yeah. If there was nothing but pool, all these young kids would be into playing pool, because it's so exciting.

My daughter's obsessed with pool. Really? Yeah. So I used to bring her. When she was like 19 and 20, she was into pool, but there's no fucking pool halls on the West Side in LA. And so she had a fake ID. Isn't there House of Billiards in Santa Monica? Closed.

When did it go under? Like three years ago. So I would bring her, she had a fake ID and we would go shoot bar pool and we'd play as a team. And I taught her everything and we would go in and it was so funny because like we'd play against another couple, there was two guys and we'd start shooting and she got pretty good.

And you know me, I'm okay. And so we would win some games and then she would say something like, oh yeah, my father was saying, and then we'd go, oh, thank God that's your father. We thought it was your boy friend. Oh yeah, my father was saying, and then we go, oh thank God that's your father, we thought. Yeah! It's your boy friend. Some old creep.

Some old creep who found some young, talented pool player to take under his wing. But that's what she does. She goes out at night with her friends and she just, she's like that. That's great. She's like that pool junkie, the one that's all night long hanging around the table.

Where does she live now? On the west side. Okay. Yeah. Is there places that you can go to? No pool halls. None? Just bars with tables. God damn.

I think this one in like Brentwood, but that's far. But Hollywood Billiards was the place. Yeah, that place was great. Yeah. There was an original Hollywood Billiards that I went, the first time I went to LA was in 94, but that place got condemned after the earthquake. Oh. So then they moved it to that big place with the parking lot. Yeah. And that place I think was like hard to keep up. I used to shoot with Adam

Ferraro over there sometimes. He's a good player. I used to shoot with him in House of Billiards and the one in Studio City is that where it's at? Maybe it's on Studio City. Somewhere in the valley there was a house of billiards. God damn it, I used to do the Monday night tournament there. Oh really? What is it? I just saw it when I was looking for it. Is it?

Nine ball tournament? Yeah. Sherman Oaks. Sherman Oaks, that's right. Yeah, I used to go there with Dom too. Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah I used to go with Dom. He's fun to play with.

Yeah, that's how Dom and I became friends. Dom and I did Montreal together in like 93. And then I was at Amsterdam Billiards when it was on the West side. And I showed up and I had my own cue and I was putting my cue together and Dom Herrera walked in and he goes, "'Oh, hey Joseph."

I go, "'You play pool?' And he had his own cue too. I'm like, "'Let's fucking play.'" And we played for hours. That's how it became his thing. You know who owned that pool hall? David Brenner. David Brenner.

Yeah, stand up comedian, yeah. So listen, dude, let's wrap this up, cause I gotta pee. Your special, it's out. It's called You Know Me, it's on YouTube, and you can go to fitzdog.com and link to it from that. I got some tour dates coming up at Denver Comedy Works this weekend and then...

FitsDog.com calendars up there. FitsDog.com calendars up there, Tacoma and Tulsa. This coming weekend you're at the Comedy Works, which is one of the best clubs that's ever existed. It's so much fun. Fucking amazing place and great history to it and Wendy's the best. Yeah, Wendy Curtis, shout out. Shout out to Wendy. All right, anything else? Instagram?

Sunday Papers and Fits Dogg Radio with the two podcasts and Childish and you can catch those on my YouTube page as well. All right, man, brother. It was good to see you. All right, you too, man. Thanks. Bye, everybody. 1