The Joe Rogan Experience - #224 - Brian Redban

Episode Date: June 6, 2012

Joe sits down with Brian Redban.

the Joe Rogan experience powerful internets I gotta wear this this t-shirt that I got from these kids in Canada blue gorilla radio they said it's out in the hallway. I don't get it. But I just did this show in Edmonton. Man, these fucking shows. There's many times where we're doing these shows and hanging out after these shows where I'm like, well, this feels like some sort of a weird dream or something. This doesn't seem realistic.

This doesn't seem like that you know there's it's when you're just sitting around and it's just you and me and this is how this all started it's you and me and a laptop just sitting around and then you think of the fucking numbers of people now that that tune into this thing it's very surreal because to us we're still in the same spot we're still doing the same thing we're still sitting in my fucking hoarder's office with boxes this is turning into hoarder's office i gotta throw almost everything out it's like a lot of it is like gifts though from people that uh yeah you have a lot of cool swag here man yeah and a lot of apple products that are unopened just the big one what's that thing over there you got a bag over there with an apple something

some stuff in there it's fun here well my hard drive crashed so i had to get a new hard drive yeah sorry how to get a new uh imac my shit's been acting all my macs have been acting really fucked up lately and there's two things that that are really what it's a government man I know well one is iPhone has a problem that no one has been talking about I haven't seen where the text messages are disappearing right in front of your eyes like go sit there open it up and suddenly the text message just disappear well I told you you sent me a photo and the photo vanished right I looked down and I saw the preview of the photo and i said oh and then i went back to my thing i was in the middle of playing pool so i didn't look at it right then when i went back to

look at it later it was gone yep that's what's been happening to me more and more and i don't hear anybody else talking about it government the government's stealing our text our text messages yeah they're gonna find out how boring we really are talk a lot of talk a lot of on the podcast occasionally smoke pot dangerous and the second thing is the flash on safari and chrome and everything has been really horrible lately to the point where it's been freezing up my computer until i moved the cursor down to the toolbar and then for some reason i don't have to click on anything i just move the curse down to the bottom and it unfreeze everything and it's really weird i don't it's do you think that's a memory issue is that no it's the government joe the government man government's in flash yeah government's in foreign from flash

they could learn a lot from flash right because i guess a lot of those probably pornos that are online or flash aren't they yeah a lot of them are still flash but a lot of them have been switching over to html5 which seems to be a decent that's so you can watch them on ipads yeah once they realized that people were going to ipads right it's amazing they should figure that out by now right yeah it's amazing how how porn just evaporated before our eyes as far as like as an industry my next-door neighbors a porn guy was my next-door neighbor years ago down the street and I think they just repossessed his house or something like that. It's

These guys like were like high on the hog I mean these guys I know dudes who are in the porn business who are making millions and millions of dollars I mean they had incredible cars. They had these beautiful houses. These guys were making fuckloads of money selling DVDs. Well, the internet just took the wheels out from under them, like completely. And that's an industry that's like, nobody talks about that. Because there's some hidden sort of moral judgment that you pass on porn. It's like, fuck them.

They didn't deserve it. They didn't deserve the money they were making. They deserved it. They got it on the back of exploited women and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. For whatever reason, we make a distinction. It's legal and it's a business, but it doesn't need to be bailed out as much as cars do car companies like we can't lose chevy but if we lost vivid pictures who gives a fuck but then the hypocritical aspect of it is fucking this is a billion dollar industry this is everybody's using

it like to pretend that everybody's not using it is insanity. The amount of people that are online that are looking at porn, it's something crazy. It's something like porn is 40% of everything online. Something nutty like that. I forgot. Pulled that right out of my ass. I think I might have read that, but I can't keep track of all these numbers.

You stop and think about that number. That's a lot of goddamn people. And everyone's pretending. This industry doesn't need to be saved you know they couldn't get any respect if they wanted to try to get a bailout for the government because the economy went south like what the fuck are you talking about what are you gonna do man what do you do with no porn well you're gonna get by I think it's like everything that like look at like you know yeah porn is now not making money because now the access to being able to do porn is so much easier radio station djs aren't making as much money and they're failing because now podcasting has been able to reach

and easily you can do it at your own house now you have your own radio show and that's just like tv that's like every single thing ever now because everything's now more diluted you're more it's more accurate to what you want to see like i want to see a band that's two people are dead and the drummer's still alive you know that it's probably out there on the internet if that's your fetish if that's your thing that's your music choice where before it was kind of like whatever you were pumped or whatever was available at the cd shop right right and whatever you were sold on the local radio station so money's just more scattered now and like porn is easier now because like me i can now watch some girl that's a waitress in fucking indiana you know put a dildo in her ass for free you know i'm gonna watch that

i'm gonna spend my fucking i've never spent money on porn in my life now i'm fucking spending 20 dollars a month sending it to her and that's what a lot of these porn websites used to charge $20 a month. Yeah, but so you are your go to webcam sites and webcam sites. These are real people These are real fucking shit like blue collar even in your jerking off You're like you're like mid America. You don't even like I'm that hot right you like I'm like, I like normal looking fucking girls Yeah, hot normal girls six yeah six but she's got a nice smile but once in a while i'll click on the africa check box on the very bottom because you could on you know a lot of these websites you can choose what

countries you want to see and so i'll just see a bunch of african women sitting around going you know and they're really lesbian african fat women i've noticed wow they just probably get tired dudes raping them they just go lesbo yeah wow african what are they they jerking off with gourds or anything crazy like no they're they're pretty uh basic and it's funny like the vibrators into the different countries how they look like the ones that they were using really did seem like antiques you know like wooden or or you know something like that where like then you go to like you click on asia and all those girls that they're either vietnam vietnam where they're using bamboo sticks and stuff like that or they're actually

like japanese where they have these high-tech vibrators like like ones you've never seen before that look like dolphins with hats on it's crazy wow how many different webcam shows have you uh watched if you oh i do it every night it's my new twitter man i go to it every time i want to masturbate now i go to my free cams and i have no connection with these guys it's my favorite my free cams i fucking love it i follow about five different people how does it go if you go to my free cams it's, one, it's the worst design website ever. And I don't know who owns it and if they ever listen to this. Really, spend the money on your website.

That shit's so fucking crazy. But you just get this checkerboard of cameras. And you just scroll down. You choose what options you want. You click on one of them. And then it's usually free. And what you do is just hang out in this chat room.'m looking at it now it's just a bunch of photos of girls those are their asses sticking out these can't all be real girls yep those yep those are all oh no go

to uh like home or what's online right now what's online right now just click on my freaking right here okay uh that's who's online yeah these are girls that are online models online yeah these are girls are online and then when you just go to them yeah you go to them and when you log in then that shows little previews of them and so every time you log in you just see a bunch of previews oh this girl's just playing with her titties yeah she's playing with her titties Wow this is bizarre bizarre and the thing is is you'd never have to spend money there you know ever but this is so strange one of my also one of my favorite things to do is what you do is you put 20 bucks in at a time you get kind of like points you know yeah and so my favorite thing

to do is you can also spy on like private shows like these girls are doing with other people you know and it costs more but you kind of jump in real quick and you're just like what's going on in this creepy room like what's what's this guy making this girl do you know what i mean how can you spy on private rooms uh it will say that the show's private and then underneath it it says spy on private show what yeah so you could just sit there and that shit's ridiculous that's not private then yeah but if you know what going in you know you're like all right whatever because it's a lot of money like i'll do it like 10 seconds time like right when i know i'm about to come okay i'll find a private show real quick i'm like okay now yeah yeah yeah and it's a little

bit hotter yeah it's it's but i don't understand how they can sell it as private it's that's the whole you could be 100 private like oh or you could be like this mid-private and so the mid-privates are what most people do because if it's a hundred percent private cost more for the person to do the private show okay so you can't so there's some people want to get really freaky they're a hundred percent hundred percent private or you just go on god do yeah take advantage of your area he probably doesn't get few i'll jerk off to a couple of those girls old ladies yeah just because you don't see it every day it's like looking at a girl's ankle in the 1700s you don't see it you know so like there's like old ladies or there's uh you know like black really old black

fat ladies that kind of turns me on once in a while it's because you don't see that you don't masturbate to that every day some of these are just they just sit there and do nothing those big giant tatars yeah but that's what's cool is when you find when you create account you could see it refreshes all these avatars so you can see who's doing what like like you're like oh I'm clicking on the girl with the dildo and she muted everybody yeah how dare she yeah cuz you have that's where you have to create account because you can't chat until you actually put yeah tokens in. I'm not doing a chat. Trust me,

you will. When you chat, what do you talk to these girls about? I usually just say, I want to take you to Olive Garden and things like that. Yeah. And it makes them laugh every time. They're like,

you want to take me to, I love Olive Garden. They all love the Olive Garden. Well, one of these days you're going to be doing this to a girl who knows the show. Oh, it's already happened.

Dude, dude, you tell her who you are. Cause I've talked about this website before. i'll say like olive garden and people would be like that's god for life and stuff like that oh that's a lot a lot of our listeners already on the there's a lot of these girls that are really hot i can't believe this this is so crazy it's like peering into this world of hot girls that are taking off their clothes and they're just sitting around here the window's really small though does it oh you expand it there's those five dots on the right

side of the webcam oh you just drag that do whatever you want do some screen cap no nevermind wow screen oh because then they know then they'll fix it oh sweetie why are you smoking that bums me out a A lot of marijuana use. Marijuana use doesn't bum me out, man. But when I see a chick with a cigarette, I'm like, sweetie. There's this black girl. I wish I could remember her name on it. And she never really shows her face too much.

But she has a hot body. And she always has this huge fucking dildo just suction cupped onto the coffee table. And the camera's always just her butt just teasing it like like she's just going to take the whole thing oh and she talks like oh my god i'm such a bad little girl daddy do you want to take this daddy and it's like do you know how they have those uh previews like if you you click on some porn sites they have like a preview you have to watch their cam a commercial for their camera site before they show you their actual porn sites they have like a preview you have to watch their cam a commercial for their campsite before they show you the actual porn yeah they had you know you know you get different ones

every time i don't know who is editing these fucking things but one of them was this chick she was she was at least like i would say 35 40 pounds overweight she was black as coal and the bottom of her feet were in front of the camera so i was like bottom of feet which were really pink it was like an odd pink and her feet are like bucking in front of the camera while she is fucking the shit out of her black black pussy with this dildo it could not have been a least sexual thing it was like it was it was was like grunting and shit. I mean, I guess it was sexual if that's what you're into. But for me, it was like, what the fuck?

I would put my boner away. You made me watch that for a minute? I was like, what are you trying to do? Who's looking at that and going, yeah, she'll fuck me. There's certain girls where you go, she'll fuck you. You look at the guys they fuck on film and the things that people do to them. Girls that drink a glass of cum or guys pull their lids open and shoot loads in their eyes. That girl will fuck you.

That poor kid doesn't know what the fuck she's doing. She's a little fuck zombie. On my free cam, just try to search for this name, Apple Bottom Teen. That's the black chick. And if she's online just turn up your speakers and fucking sit back and enjoy life i can't watch this and do a show at the same time oh yeah uh do you want a blanket for your boner dude here that's just sitting here watching stream what if your jacket makes my boner bigger hey i've been sitting on it it's warm it might feel good but it would so is the uh what is the profit how do they make profit

from this site uh the girls get a fraction of whatever money is donated to them and i don't think it's very good i'm sure there's other websites that are a lot better like my free camps that does not pay the girls as good as a lot of the other Website. Oh really? Oh, wow, this bitch's name is fuck me hard. Really? Yeah, if you find Apple bottom teen, dude You're gonna love it. Some bitches just leave their camera and leave the room. That shit is rude This well, there's a lot of that to fuck me hard. How dare you fuck me hard 69 You just need to see in your fucking computer desk. How dare you me hard 69 you just seen your computer desk how dare you they just get lazy it's probably they probably live their whole day in front of the webcam just trying to collect

money you know wow what a weird way for chicks to get attention and some of them really love it I bet they love that every time they log on there's thousands of guys waiting to beat off to them you know yeah that's like it gotta be kind of a trip and i bet if a lot of chicks have jobs and they start doing this and raking in the cash that's what i'm saying you know how i mean just like doing podcasting from your house how easy is it to that you can just now have a job that you can do from your house and that's what these girls are doing they're like why do i want to be you know a waitress at chili's when i fucking make twice as much at home just fucking showing my butthole yeah I know what a crazy roll of the dice it is for a girl

to be born hot such a powerful fucking roll of the dice yeah cuz it's really all you need for a lot of these girls I mean all they need is the just to have the right bone structure and the right dimensions and and the right look and boom everybody i mean it's just like hitting the lottery i guess it sort of is for a dude too but a dude still got to go out and make something happen you can't be a loser and look like that there's no losers that look like what's her name Christy Canyon remember that porn star there's no losers to look like that even though she was a porn star you know I'm saying right but she was so hot she was the best example I could put out was it with some the fuck is her name that Oh Cindy Crawford it's

impossible to be a loser if you look like Cindy Crawford you really can't be a loser she's just too hot you know what I mean I mean like you could be a guy and you could be like the male equivalent to Cindy Crawford like bone structure wise handsome wise and still wind up fucking broken alone easily you know you're not gonna be a loser if you look that good she's just too hot this society like values it so much somehow or another some wealthy man will find his way into her life and marry her away but for a dude she does you know it's not worth as much it's not it's not as much of a roll of the dice for a guy to be born good looking for uh for a girl if that's all you're trying to get done in this life not saying that that's all every woman's trying to get done ladies don't get crazy don't don't get angry at me that's not what

i'm saying like that's all you're capable of that's not what i'm saying but i'm saying it's a big deal it's a big deal to be hot yeah but you know a lot of these girls in these rooms are not even hot at all but that even makes it hotter because you like this girl looks like somebody that would never do this and she's doing it that's hot i love this man i i i've never been more addicted than to porn than ever in my life even when i was 18. how long did this start off when did this start happening i don't know man i i think i've always like anthony uh i don't know from opiate anthony uh there used to be this website that i used to be addicted to that he's always talking about i forget the name of it was a webcam website pow talk pow talk i used to pay for a membership for pow talk and one of the best

things is while the show's going on used to go on these girls that were fans of opiate anthony would just be sitting there shoving vibrators on in butt, and all of us would be watching. Even while they're doing a radio show, everyone would be watching that shit also. Yeah. Didn't you show me that once at the tattoo place? Yeah, you were showing me. We were at the tattoo place.

Yeah, yeah. I broadcasted when you were getting your tattoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Pal Talk. On Pal Talk. And then you were showing me. Look at this girl. What the fuck is she doing?

Just regular girls, finger themselves finger but the girl had two fingers in her butthole and you're like whoa jesus that was one of our first uh broadcasts you know yeah doing that and doing green rooms but that i remember sitting there just with my uh laptop just pointing at you how many texts a day do you get to say death squad bitches uh twitter's twitter's yeah oh no i said text i meant yeah twitter's facebook messages yeah it's funny how that all came out of some fucking silly meeting at the opie and anthony show a dumb thing to name yourselves death squad but because somebody else named us we're a lot we're allowed to keep it have you heard the band death squad i think no there's a couple bands called death squad really yeah there's there's there's a uh a song called red band which is actually

pretty good to listen to r-a-d-b-a-n i think it's the it's either the artist's name red band or the song is called red bands from medina or something uh like a year ago two years ago yeah hmm what if he's a fan i don't know podcast fan maybe he likes you oh it's weird do you ever do you ever uh do you ever want to sing again because you had that hit song and i think somebody should dubstep that song oh people i i really did have a song it was only a hit in one town though phoenix yeah in tempe in phoenix arizona for whatever reason there was these guys uh tim and mark shit why is it always like so hard to remember well that's what i'm pretty sure it's supposed to take four a day were they were great guys and they had a radio station down there and they played it and they were like one of the few

people that ever played it and for whatever reason it took off in one town like I sold way more records in Phoenix than I did anywhere else it became one of the reasons why I filmed my 2005 special in Phoenix because Because I just had a bigger draw there than almost anywhere. It was real weird. And when I started doing stand-up, people were like, do the song. I'm like, I can't fucking sing. I only did that song because it was broken up into choruses. We could splice it all together.

It was all done on a computer with, what is it called? It's Pro Tools in you know I got a computer with what is it called what's Pro Tools you know how they do it move everything around so it was like you know if I just did it by myself then I'd have to practice and actually like start singing it like I just want to do it for fun and the idea was a Warner Brothers executive idea his idea was if I came up with a like a song then they could play something on the radio and it helped sell the the cd so the song was about voodoo the song was called voodoo poo nanny and you could probably find it on it's probably not even on itunes because i don't think that cd

is on itunes i'm going to get it put on itunes my first cd from 1999 warner brothers was bought out by Disney in the middle of my my time there what about her records yeah one of other records I think it was Disney but they went like super family values and my my CD was dirty as fuck my CD started out with two guys fucking each other in the base one of the most amazing I'm sure everyone's heard it but it was one of those amazing skits ever it's one of my favorite things I've ever done because I knew that uh i could never do it anywhere else i was like i want to write something that's so fucked up and it can't be uh it can't be on stage i can't do it on stage because i acted out it wouldn't be as funny you want to do it visually no i don't want to see

i don't want to actually see it i just it's better to actually just hear this. And what it is is these two guys who are gay, but they try to pretend that they're not gay. They just really like lifting weights, and it always winds up them fucking each other. And always like, you got a fucking great ass. It's round and muscular. Really? Yeah.

But dude, I bet, I don't even think I can get my cock in your ass. Oh, come on and it became you know just this thing and you know me and Brian Callen did it it's the Brian counts other voice in it and the fuck is her name god damn it Kelly Kirsten Kelly Kirsten yes Kelly Kirsten for real I know yeah but you would say that name all the time tell your son Kelly Carson but you say that as Joey Diaz yeah that was like an off-guard in between me and Joey Diaz yeah Kelly Kelly played my mom our mom

mine and Brian's mom that's so funny and ginger Lynn introduced voodoo punani on the on the CD and I got to do a thing with her the other day i did dave's old porn with her dave's old porn is first of all it's david tell is so funny man he's just one of those guys that's like and he works hard man in between takes they got notes and notebooks and and they're going over scenes and what's a good scene and what about this and that and and you know and then you sit there and you you you watch these porns and then you do like Mystery Science Theater remember that show you've seen Dave's old horn for those who haven't seen it you're sitting on a couch with Dave and you're just kind of clowning

on porn and you realize the difference between porn then and now so much more hair so much more hair so much more hair and it was like they were like they were like all sexy the real boob look back then was one of my favorite things because they all had really nice big natural boobs or small natural yeah they all kind of like hung a little you know yeah it was nice like ginger lynn had small boobs but they're really nice yeah they weren't small they were i would say gingers were more like medium than small but yeah and it seems like bigger areolas were more popular back then or lately maybe girls areolas have been shrinking for some reason maybe nature cell phones could be radiation that kills the bees it's just strange watching like we were talking about whether or not society has

changed or whether or not people have uh just got more access to it now we see it more because of twitter but people always been fucked up and i say that porn is probably the best evidence that society's gotten more fucked up because there was like very little dark porn back then there wasn't even there weren't even any slapping you know there's no dick slapping and there was no no pulling in the hair and shooting loads up their nose and stuff like that like they're doing they do like mean angry shit now you know it's like and there's something hot about slobber all over your face and streaked mascara. Asa Akira, man. Her latest DVD is one of my favorites.

I forget the guy. I think his name is Rocco or something like that. Fucking just fucking manhandling, like dragging her by the hair. She's just gagging. He's just fucking. Oh, Nacho something. Nacho. Yeah, Nacho.

That dude's awesome. I like the way he fucks. Oh nacho something nacho. Yeah nacho. That dude's awesome I don't think I have any like I don't give a shit about porn guys much like I don't ever look out for one But that that every time I see him in a movie you get excited. He's cool He's he's a he's a cool ass. He's gonna be very violent with the girls great Dragging around by their hair doesn't seem to be a nice thing to do somebody that you want to fuck Do you think some girls like that fuck yeah I never thought so but yeah Wow they definitely do no girls like being choked yeah Veronica slap me a slapper yeah she always like slap me in the face no don't

say that because then you put it online you're fucking is she does bondage videos yeah that's dark dude you don't want to slap i i would be like i don't want to connect me beating the out of you with something that's sexual yeah that just seems like a bad idea i had a girl that wanted to rape me she wanted me to rape her rather she would tell me she would want to rape me too but you know she would actually tell me that she wants me to rape her. She wants to fight me off. I'm like, come on. That's not something you want to connect with sexuality, with a dude.

My sister always wanted me to do that. What? Jesus, Brian. Don't you think that... Wouldn't that be awful? Come on, Brian, rape me. No. That's a taboo subject,

because rape itself obviously is a deplorable act but the fact remains that there are girls that get turned on by that deplorable act there's girls that have these fantasies of getting like finding themselves in the wrong place and the wrong time and a pack of wild thugs come out with 14-inch cocks and just force her to suck their while the one guy bangs her from behind there's girls who have fantasies like they're really scared but they would really be excited and they probably finger themselves thinking about that and you know they don't ever risk their actual physical well-being in life by putting themselves in a situation where

that could happen but the fact is they could do that at any time Girls can just drive around to a group of guys at any time and get out and go hey boys What's going on? I talk about this and the guys be like hey, what's up? Come on over here. You want to suck my cock? Yeah, I'd love to It's not hard for a girl to find a cock this I didn't talk about this once they figure that shit out What do you want to figure it out? They're just gonna walk around You don't think they know it already please dude girls know it already you don't think they know it already they know of course they have massive knowledge of their power women women have power like a superhero a hot girl hot girl in a bikini or a hot girl in a

miniskirt walking through a mall every guy stops and you just immediately like oh there is one there because why because you know that if you were alone naked with her and she was blowing you it would be outstanding it'd be such a great feeling to have that beautiful face sucking your cock 75 chance right 75 chance that that chance that that girl does not have a good blowjob. No, that's not true at all. I think more girls suck at blowjobs than are good at it. I think you're dating the wrong girl, son. It's very rare that you find a bad blowjob.

It's hard to find a bad blowjob. If a girl's enthusiastic, if a girl's enthusiastic, just like if you're enthusiastic about her, if you're both turned on, she's going to give you a good head. You're going to eat her pussy good. When you eat a girl's pussy, aren't you trying to like, you want her to feel as good as you can make her feel.

That is the 100% goal. That's a woman's goal too when she's blowing you. No, but I think maybe I'm more sensitive to teeth or something. Maybe just getting some lazy bitches that are chewing on your dick have you ever had a girl do that though bite it yeah no not like mad at me or anything no yeah I always feel like you know like especially back in the day when you did a lot of drugs and stuff we always thought these girls were just gonna snap out of it oh my god what they're doing and just start biting.

A masculine flashback and chomp down on your ball bag. Some guy recently got bit on the balls by I think it was a cop got bit on the balls by a convict. Guy wouldn't let go of his balls either.

He was biting them through the pants like they had the guy like strapped. Think of that, man. Think of that so it's happening man ouchie bath salts we're all gonna be bitten the ball soon yeah there's other people that have done bath salts and say it's no big deal i have a feeling that bath salts are a bunch of different fucking things or it's just how your body reacts to bath salts just like any other drug you know it's just like fucking you have somebody that's borderline schizo and they fucking smoke weed. That person becomes fucking psychotic.

That's a real good point. It's so true. People don't know. You know, people say, hey, man, should I do mushrooms? I don't know you. What the fuck are you, crazy? I would never tell anybody to do anything, although I tell everybody they should do mushrooms.

Drink. But when I say everybody i don't mean everybody i just mean everybody that's not fucked up right if you're barely holding on to reality i don't recommend psychedelic drugs i don't recommend alcohol for sure i don't recommend anything but get your shit together you know go to a doctor find out what's wrong you know whatever whatever you got to do get your shit. That's more important than psychedelics. Dude, that fucking cat helicopter shit that everyone's been fucking flooding the tweets with. If you haven't heard about it, explain it to all the folks at home.

Somebody's cat died. And to remember him, he liked to make helicopters or something like that. And so he turned his cat into a helicopter. He stuffed it and it made like his paws like spread out kind of like you know that's like doing a snowman in the snow and each one of them had like a helicopter fan on it and then so he sits there and flies this dead cat around and at first i watched it and i was horrified and then i was like this is the coolest thing in the whole entire world i hope this catches on because I could just imagine a bunch of cats, helicopters flying in the sky.

And that would be cool if it became popular. That's how Al-Qaeda is going to attack. Yeah. But if there was cats everywhere in the sky at all times, they could be going down sunset. And everyone had their old dead cats. That'd be cool. There'd be tons of cats everywhere. This really is crazy.

But then I was thinking, what if it crashes? And then it's like fucking nose falls off because it hits concrete or something. That would be disturbing. tons of cats everywhere this really is crazy but then i was thinking what if it crashes and then it's like nose falls off because it hits concrete or something that would be disturbing that was so now i now i think it's creepy well you just gotta need put a helmet on him yeah but then you can't see his little cat face that's the funniest face ever you you put a large plexiglas dome over his head like he's a space cat or even better so now I'm in a spacesuit his head it's actually pretty cool or actually get the the clear film companies that did the iPad like clear films to make like a clear armor I have

an armor for your cat where it's just like some kind of crystallized shit that's awesome that is awesome did you hear that there's another drone attack that killed some uh top al-qaeda guy yeah wasn't that persian was it persian or was it uh siamese cut can you imagine if the army starts really using cat cat weapons that's that'd be awesome you imagine if like there was a country where like they used flying pigs because like muslims would be terrified of of pigs flying through the air. Flying cows? Only if you go to war with India.

India. Yeah, they killed some dude in Pakistan. That's what it is. That's kind of fucked up, man, that we're not really in Pakistan. But Pakistan is the place where we try out all of our newest shit. Right. Why is that? Because we can get away with it. We must have some sort of a weird deal with the government or the government won't

say anything we're sending spaceships into their air i mean we're sending like some science fiction things that we're controlling from halfway around the world with a remote control and they're they're launching missiles i mean it's really crazy that they're allowed to do that i you know i'm look i'm 100 in support and getting rid of bad guys and taking all the terrorists out and all that happy horse shit the legit terrorists but this is a crazy little precedent to set that you're allowing spaceships to fly around and launch missiles hellfire bunker buster fucking missiles at these people. That's what they're called hellfire They're allowed to spray Rockets from the sky and blow you out of the road out of the road. You're just wandering along

You don't even know they're there. They're like a mile away and a rocket comes and fucking you would disappear. That's amazing Yeah, it's amazing that that's how we're doing war right now in Pakistan. That's the peak of the technological war right now is going on right there, and very few people are even aware of it. You just hear drone attack. That's what you hear on the radio or drone attack on CNN, but you don't really stop and think about what the fuck that means. There's a remote-controlled flying object that launches missiles at people,

and they're watching a camera through it halfway around the world, pressing buttons and launching these things. It's incredible. The technology is just, it's amazing what they can do now. It didn't, that one that crashed in Iran, there was another moment

where life feels like a fake movie, where they fucking captured our shit and Obama goes to the news and talks about it. Well, we've asked for it back. That's what he said. We've asked for it back. Hey, you know that thing that we were flying around and we might have just shot rockets at you from the sky? Yeah, can you give that to us so we can do that again? That's weird.

They asked for it back. Could you imagine if Iran had some shit flying around over here taking pictures of us? Something that's got the capability of shooting missiles? That's crazy. But it didn't have any missiles on it though, right? No, that one didn't. I can see that.

I wonder how far they can go. I wonder how far they can fly. Super far, probably. I bet some of them are solar powered right probably they must have at least something solar have you seen that Fisker the new solar powered automobile it's it's it's not solar powered it's only partially solar powered the like stereo and things along those lines the roof is a series of solar panels. Yes, I have seen that. It's a fucking beautiful car, man. You see? Take a look at that one.

It's like they finally got it right because these shitty-ass fucking Priuses and these disgusting things. Oh, by the way, number nine. Ninth person I've ever seen throw a fucking cigarette out the window of their Prius. You twats. I'm watching all you hypocrite cunts.

It's just such a... I know some people do it for economy I understand that it's not just but I like to think that they're green and they're just hypocrites yeah I mean I would buy one it would just be because I don't feel like spending $90 every time I fill my tank up yeah well this is um this is a beautiful fucking car man this Fisker look at this thing thing, man. Take a peek at that. Look at that shit. It's amazing, man. I was going to say recalls. Yep, they recalled them.

They've already been recalled. They already recalled them. There was a fire-prone hose clamp. This was a while ago. Oh, no, it wasn't. It was today. That's crazy. Recall.

Realize partly cloudy days. We'll be stranded. But it's a January 5th. It's today. That's crazy. Recall, realize partly cloudy day, we'll be stranded. But it's a January 5th. It's June 5th. Yeah, it's a fucking beautiful car, though. They're so slow, though. I'm just so used to the pep of a car that's quick. You know, I don't drive like an asshole, but I do love the engineering, theiveness of like a well-engineered car

pirate dice was at the comedy store last night he came he's going pirate now right yeah he's nice clay uh wears a pirate patch he get discounts at stores he is what the people say he says because he says he's handicapped he says he's a vet or and if they don't have a vet then he goes a senior discount that's what he's been telling people something i think i think that's what he said saying or no handicap discount how hilarious is his idea i only take 10 shirts and then let the bidding begin oh but he had his car there he had a uh what's the charger not the charger but what's the Charger? Not the Charger, but what's the one? Challenger. Challenger, I think it was. Buick? No, they're Dodge. Dodge.

Dodge. Yeah. Buick. Hemi. His car was amazing, man. It made me want to get one. Oh, yeah. Those are sick.

How much are those? They're not that bad, right? They're not that much, man. No. I think fully loaded, they're like 40 grand. Oh, wow. And they're beautiful. That shape is just so iconic, the Challenger shape.

It's just like, you know what it's like? It's like my old barracuda but it's not going to leave you stranded every couple days right those old cars man they look so badass but they're does the design involved in them like there's it's so crude like drum brakes they're so crude like you hit the brakes like they barely stop the car. It takes forever. Now they have cars like the new Porsche, the 991, which is the new 911. The new Porsche 911 that just came out can stop from, I think it's 60 miles an hour to zero in less than 100 feet. That's like crazy. They do it in 96 feet. The new Corvette can do that too. Less than 100 feet. That's like crazy. They do it in 96 feet.

The new Corvette can do that too. Less than 100 feet from 60 to zero. The old days, that shit would take you a mile. It was 60 miles an hour. Not a mile, but if you locked up, it takes a long-ass time to stop the car. Now it's anti-lock brakes and traction control and all the new shit that you can do

now the old cars are retarded they're just useless to have unless you're just a hobbyist who loves the idea of like this old mechanical thing that you're switching the gears and all that there's a lot of people that really do enjoy that but what the challenger's done is they've gotten like most of that old look and put it into a new car you know they figured out they figured out how to keep that shape it's not a good shape for handling it's terrible like the design is not it's not smart and that's it's like a big heavy car too so like they're not that good around corners and shit like that not like a Corvette or not like a car that's

designed to do that but you know for regular driving they're great aubrey aubrey has one of those yeah so does tom green i was either thinking about selling my car because my car gets horrible gas mileage and getting something like that because i'm about to pay off my car finally and i'm like oh i finally own this piece of shit right it's not a piece of shit it's a great car but uh and get something like that or just get a really shitty small car like something like one of those little baby fiats or whether you know like the teeny little cheap cars well dude if you wanted to get a mustang um if you wanted to trade your ford in because maybe ford would give you a

good deal oh yeah i never thought about it ford on ford yeah the mustang the boss 302 is not expensive it's not expensive at all yeah the new uh the Mustang Boss 302, I think, is like $35,000, and they fucking fly. And the new Mustang GT, just the GT, the GT is a fucking really good car, man. The GT is 400-plus horsepower just for the Mustang GT. And it's a little bit crude in its design. It has a live axle, which means the back end sort of bumps around a little bit,

but it's a really fun car to drive. Why would they do that? Why would they do what, live axle? Yeah. Well, it helps drag racing. It helps keep the power down. I mean, it's not that bad. What it is is it's an older way of designing suspensions,

but they made the best out of it. It handles well. I mean, it doesn't handle as good as a car with independent rear suspension, but, I mean, the Mustang 302, the Boss 302, it laps racetracks faster than that audi r8 you know that audi uh space looking car that uh everlast has you know that thing this uh this bus um the laguna seca boss mustang can lap um race tracks quicker than that which is pretty amazing yeah it's uh it's they only have I think it's only 400 and something horsepower yeah but it's a it's a dope car it's like one of

the best bargain cars I think it's um you know if you like if you wanted to get a bargain for like performance it's you can only go American there's no real bargains and as far as like foreign cars for performance yeah like American cars like on days are not bad in one day on days or what the little sports car thing they have yeah but you don't get that kind of performance you don't get 400 plus horsepower like you get in the Mustang all right you know that's uh that's just not gonna get that this is not're not going to get that kind of oomph, you know. It's like, if you want a fast car that's a foreign car,

there's a few Japanese cars that are pretty quick, you know, like the 370Zs, pretty quick, but they can't fuck with, like, this Mustang. But then you got to get to, like, big money, like the Nissan GTR, which which is like a hundred thousand dollars then then shit gets crazy because then the japanese have one of the best production cars one of the fastest best handling cars in the world but you have to you have to get right to there before you get that kind of performance i went to universal studios for my first time the other day and did

you really yeah and uh it's funny because i went on the first one i went on was the terminator 2 ride which uh you know it's been a while since that movie came out right and i never i almost freaked out because they make you get in this have you been on that ride before no they make you get in this huge room and like i have no idea what if this is that oh yeah I did go in that sorry yeah and then you're sitting there with all these people like and then the doors shut and you're just like alright this is where the gas comes out we all get murdered or something you know like that and we couldn't leave and it's something there

was just this bad actor acting job where like this lady comes out like hi welcome to whatever you know we are here in the future anyways all her shit her computers behind her, since the ride is so old, like it used to look like it was supposed to be the future, but now looks really sad and depressing, like a garage sale, like monitor. Oh, that's funny.

And it's totally outdated. And then she's like, before we go into the next room, I want you to look at this. And like, it's a video that I'm guessing when the movie came out, which was what or something something yeah yeah that that all these things seemed really futuristic but now half the that they showed you could do on your iphone and it was so weird like imagine in the future your grandmother's far away and you want to talk to her how about talking to her on your wall you know and you're like yeah i could do that on my phone now you know and everything it was like imagine like uh being able to like control like a doctor can

sit somewhere else and control an operation far away you can do that now you know doctors are doing that now and it's weird like all this shit was so perfect do doctors do remote control operations yeah i i think uh i think it's at the very beginning stages but there has been uh successful operations where they've done that from remote really locations and stuff like that using advanced uh computers and robots and wow that scares the shit out of me that's scary somebody opened you up and remote control operating on you yeah so then i was really scared though because i was like really freaking out how you know shitty this ride was i'm like damn this you know why does universal have

this but then you go into the next room and you watch this really old 3d movie and the 3d was really good you know right for its age and then there's this one point where there's lots of live actors mixed in like like in the theater so like like this guy would come out in a like a motorcycle and then like uh he had like a shotgun and he'll shoot somebody like a real like like like that like holy shit that you could hear it sound like a gunshot and and then he will like disappear off the stage and it looks like he goes back into the 3d movie shit like that so it was kind of interesting and then they have two more 3d screens that go around you and this is an old ride so everyone's probably like yeah dude welcome to 93.

but the 3d was coming out at all sides it was really awesome and i guess there's a new transformers ride there that just takes that to the whole next level and so i wasn't there a spider-man one that did that too i don't know was that in orlando i think that's in orlando i don't know and then there was the simpsons ride where you it was a virtual roller coaster where you know it's one of those things where the whole thing moves but you go into this like dome where the whole dome is a movie and it's really trippy if i want to do shrooms and do that because i think i'll die and go to heaven because it you go into this huge room you're like holy shit and then you feel like you're going through this roller coaster there's parts where that maggie a huge maggie will like like try to grab your

roller coaster and they spray like baby powder smell so you start smelling baby powder you're like it's fucking badass what they're i i always is it scary like for like a little kid because i'm a four-year-old to that fuck you know i was scared but i was thinking of other things because i was like holy shit is this one of those elevator drop rides where you drop because i thought i thought i was gonna freak out it is weird how they can pull that effect off while just showing you a screen and then moving things around it works and i wasn't even stoned if i was stoned i would fucking be i we should go sometime man i got a season pass now it's only 20 more what was the big one that they had they had that one famous one there was a jurassic park

they have they have jurassic park yeah i think wait did they have jurassic no i parked at jurassic park yes they must have had yeah i feel like there's a Jurassic Park ride, right? No, but they have a Waterworld one still there, which was fucking creepy. Who wants to see a shitty... A Universal? Yeah. Oh, that is the Jurassic Park one. There's a water scene in it.

You're in like a log fucking world. No, the movie Waterworld. Oh, Waterworld? The movie Waterworld? Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, it was still there. Oh, they have a King Kong one. That's the one in the Jaws one. King Kong you king kong is pretty new uh oh is it yeah i mean within

the last couple years oh that's they redid it yeah it's the new king kong from like four years ago or five years ago yeah i didn't go to and i only went to those two because it was i went on a sunday how many king kongs have they been there was the original one which is awesome to watch today you ever watch it today the original one yeah yeah the one in 1984 was my favorite one i think it was 1984. that was my favorite one that was the dino de laurentis one yeah jessica lang yeah i like that one back in the day i haven't seen it since yeah that was trip and jessica lang played a a broad that was just ditzy enough to fall in love with a fucking giant gorilla right you know she was just ditzy enough where you could

buy it and believe it this uh the latest one was fucking incredible man the latest one when you go back and you see like the the newest king kong to the oldest King Kong the oldest one is like wow what a window into a different world they ever see is it called metropolis that old yeah really really old sci-fi movie yeah it's incredible what they thought the future style yeah maybe it was so amazing well even like the old alien like I'm fucking psych Prometheus coming out this weekend but if you watch the original alien you know when they were on that spaceship what a bunch of whack ass fake equipment they had oh yeah everything was all lights and and and the monitors these shitty little green tint monitors because essentially this is before the uh user

interface the graphic user interface that what we think of as computers today. Everybody thinks of a Mac or a PC and clicking on things. There was no clicking on anything back then. What people don't understand is the first computers, when the movie Alien came out, they were like, it was all just like green print on a screen. You weren't downloading anything, bitch. It was like 1979 or something right there was no downloading they were just these weird things that sat around in laboratories so they

never predicted you know like not even remotely what the future was going to hold they didn't see that even they didn't see anything coming they didn't even see it a little it's kind of crazy when you stop and think about what a big difference the graphic unit user interface has played the ability to click on things and just when you look at a smartphone like i was looking at that big giant ass note i love that thing i got a note anyway new iphone yeah have you seen the new pictures on the new iphone no it's like it's pretty much the same but the whole thing's almost all screen really yeah but it is not bigger um no but the screen is like if you look at your iphone now

it doesn't take a pat even you know like what's right percent of the phone but now it's mostly it's all like from wall to wall up and down well that's going to be nice i mean the note i mean the note is cool because it's a small tablet. And I think I'm pretty sure, my money is all on that Apple is releasing a smaller version of the iPad that will kind of compete with the Note. Because they're going to use it also as a remote control for their new TV that will come out soon. Really? So that will take over that. But I don't think the Note as a phone is, I think it's the dumbest thing ever. Like I saw this person use it. And have you ever seen them like hold it up it looks like like

like they're gonna break their hand you can watch the tumors grow in their brain as they're holding it up to their head yeah the fucking thing is enormous but uh it looks beautiful though man it's fucking i tell you what man i got this i got this new ipad the latest one with the verizon service on it this that makes a huge difference because it's the latest one, with the Verizon service on it. That makes a huge difference because it's my first iPad with the service on it. But the hotspot feature is faster than my high-speed business class internet at Death Squad. That's incredible. But you only get to use a little bit of it before they fuck you in the ass.

You know what? You would think that, but I used it pretty hardcore. And you don't really know unless you're downloading movies i downloaded one movie and i got an email from them that's that's the one thing but that's ridiculous but if you everything else it's that's ridiculous if you have an ipad yeah and you download one movie and they're like oh you're fucked you're like what do you mean i'm fucked that's the whole thing because if everyone downloaded one movie all the time, then there's not that much internet. They need to fix that. That's ridiculous.

When you use mobile internet, it's offensive how much it costs. They just need to expand Wi-Fi so it hits everybody, so we have Wi-Fi everywhere, not cell phone everywhere. Every bee is going to be dead. We could put fucking hotspots on all the helicopter cats. In Aspen, it's free wi-fi for the whole city people just sit out there in the in the middle of nowhere and just fucking i bet this website's probably blocked joe rogan.net oh yeah it's blocked i think they did block they've tried that in a lot of cities there's a lot of cities that do that i was happy when i couldn't get to my website from Dubai. I was like, look at that, bitch. I'm too dangerous.

Too dangerous for your Wi-Fi. There's a good argument for that, but we don't know what the fuck is happening with all these different wire signals in the air. People can say nothing. We're adapting to them. But there's something going on, man. The bills are shrinking.

When you can send images no aerial when you can send images and ones and zeros and you send them through the air and there's something else that picks them up receives them that is a that's that's a crazy thing you're sending a signal and where what this signal is just in the air it makes no sense is that hitting me is it all over me when someone's like wi-fi and like crazy near you are you getting pelted by like random information as it makes its way from you know from the internet somehow or another into their computer where's it going from what's it is it passing through your your dimension at all i mean that is like some interdimensional transportation of i mean the physical

object of a piece of paper that you print and you turn you know into a photograph that you just got from the internet i mean that is a way where something physical just gets created and it wasn't there before sent to you and printed up like that is that's a crazy thing man it's really crazy that we can just do that and we just don't even think about the fact there's television signals and radio signals and internet signals and cell phone signals and all these different signals going around and i don't know if they're affecting us i have no idea it might it might be that we would all feel a little bit better if we didn't have them yeah it'd be interesting too bad there's not really any place in the world

that you can probably not have you have to go to complete zero signals you have to go to somewhere that really sucks like alaska antarctica or something antarctica i mean yeah alaska has cell phones no i'm in anarchy but they would still probably have some kind of signal out of bed up there like at least satellite or something maybe maybe but satellite doesn't work everywhere it depends on where the satellites uh where you can receive it like i don't think you can get xm radio in hawaii really yeah i'm pretty sure i um i rented a car there once and i was trying to listen to opie and anthony you know i rented a cadillac and i was like looking for the satellite button and i pressed the satellite button there was nothing going on and i was like you know i don't think this works here

i forgot to look it up though but i don't think it does but i'm not sure but you could always get it online right which is what everybody's going to do eventually anyway you're going to have your people's they're going to be selling phone or rather radios that come with your car that connect to the internet allow you to download podcasts if you have a ford you already have stitcher this the new fords have that stitcher app built in mad man i i want that so bad it's not that's the thing i hate i hope if if anyone that designs these fords and these awesome new cars with these new stereos that have these apps like stitcher it's called Sync for Ford.

I have that, but there's no way to upgrade it so I can get that shit. And that's not fair. What do you mean? You go and get it if you buy a new car? Yeah. Ford's been releasing their hardware in series. So you have Sync version 1, 2, 3. And it's not like an iphone where like you have

an old grade you can upgrade you can't do that and it really makes me mad because i i can't what am i going to tear out yeah that's whack the computer in your in your car it should be interchangeable and upgradable it should be like something you pull out and put a new one in they're just being cheap and they're not they're telling their software developers to move on to the next stuff and just leaving abandoning that's almost a leak should be illegal because this car is my cars like a 2008 well it should and then I haven't been able to update it in three years you know so yeah that is kind of it's like a planned obsolescence yeah it really is the fact that it's the the computer itself isn't upgrade

abl how long do you expect people to compete you know to keep that car because when you really think about like all the the different law what is it moore's law for computers right we stop and think about how quickly computers become obsolete yeah like imagine having a classic corvette and it had a black and white television in it yeah yeah come on what the fuck yeah well those those knuckleheads though that like those uh really classic cars the people they want like classic hubcaps. They want everything. They want to time travel so they can go back in high school and fuck their 15-year-old girlfriend.

Oh, I see them all the time, man. Living in Burbank, that's like that big boy there. Every week, fucking Leno driving around in a fucking fire truck, waving at you like he's the Pope. Burbank's the creepiest place ever. How weird is it Jay waves at everybody? He's the nicest guy, dude. He's the nicest guy ever.

I see him all the time walking the streets and talking to people. Hey, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? They were shitting all over him on the radio today on Stern. Really? Him and Joan Rivers. Oh, yeah. I haven't heard the rest of that.

Joan Rivers is pretty funny. She's ruthless, man. She's still fucking slinging heat. Joan Rivers is still going to war with chicks. It's hilarious man she's still struggling she's still fighting she's like 79 something years old and she still does stand up you know she's still obsessed with work and have you ever met have you ever met jenny mccarthy no yeah i met her once i met her she was really nice and i stopped doing a joke about her

what was it i had a joke about uh that i heard that jenny mccarthy was gonna get her breast implants taken out i said it's like tiger woods chopping his arms off dude that's not bad i would yeah why don't you put him back in and make him bigger and no talking she was on howard stern yesterday and uh i forgot about her you know because she married jim carrey and he just kind of like right she's dead to me did she marry jim carrey or i think they just dated oh maybe i thought they married but uh now they're separated and she was on howard stern just talking about how much i mean she's a dirty girl and she was talking about how much she masturbates how much she needs that and then you go online you're like what you look like now you go to her twitter and you're like holy she's still

hot as hell and she's a nympho and she lives in the valley somewhere so what are you saying dude i need to find out what she does she wants a podcast do you think you could get with that jim mccarthy you think you could pull that off i don't think so but but you never know i don't think you could pull off half the girls you've pulled off already right um true yeah so why not her why not just make a complete fantasy land why not just go full-on brothers movie well my mission was lindsey lowe and i thought that would be a bigger mission that's a that's harder i think please i know guys are her i don't know anybody's jenny mccarthy true you know jim carrey i don't know that guy yeah do you know no i thought maybe you knew him from the

comedy story no i've never met him he kind of stopped doing stand-up a long time ago some of those guys that's interesting stand-up gets them to the dance and then once they get to the dance then they just become an actor a lot of dudes do that what was uh did you you ever do comedy store with mark maron were you there at that same time period as him or no he was there a long time ago he was really young and he was there with kinnison he was the door kinnison was alive yeah by the time i got into stand-up kinnison only had a couple years of life left he died when i lived in new york so i think it was probably 90 i want to say 92 I think it was probably 90 I want to say 92 that Kinnison

died somewhere along those lines so I still hadn't made my way out to LA yet and Marin got in deep with Kinnison when he was a kid he was hanging around with him and he got to see the crazy dark

coke years he got to see the chaos and all that shit that story about got to see the the crazy dark coke years and he got to see the chaos and all that shit that story about uh... about kinnison fathering carla bows wife's child is just so fucked up so fucked up and he thought that it was his daughter for the longest time and a d n a test reveals it was sam kinnison's kid you just think it was wife just laying there and letting fat sam climb on top

of her and shoot his loads inside of her and go what kind of a friendship did they have what kind of a world were they living in what kind of decadence and depravity what kind of hollywood chaos was going on where kinnison was just banging his friends best friend opening act wife on the side and shooting loads into her it amazes me that dude was got a lot of fucking pussy like he was on the Howard Stern calling and he had like four girls in his bed you're amazed at that but yeah you're not amazed when you get pussy no I mean well that's one at I don't know Sam Kinnison was a big guy and I don't know I would not very attractive really like I never thought Kinnison right was I guess he was bigger than I thought he was you

know back in the day well never thought I got bigger oh you mean big like physically or you know big like notoriety notoriety it was huge yeah see I didn't see that cuz I was into the comedy scene and I only knew what I saw on TV and I always thought the big guys were like Robin Williams and Eddie Murphy. Yeah, it was big too. They were all big.

But Kennison was huge, dude. Kennison, I found out about Kennison in 86 and all my friends knew about Kennison. Everybody knew Kennison. When I went to see Kennison live, I brought a bunch of my friends. Everybody was fucking psyched to see Kennison live. We saw Kennison. When I went to see Kennison live, I brought a bunch of my friends. Everybody was fucking psyched to see Kennison live. We saw Kennison live.

I saw Carlin live before I ever did stand up. I got to see Carlin live. I got to see Carlin bomb. Really? He ate shit. It did not work out. It wasn't good. He got to this weird stage in his life

in like the late 80s this is before i had done comedy and i was with maybe i'd done like an open mic night maybe one or something like that but it was uh me and uh my roommates and we were out in new hampshire we saw at, there's a casino up there and they have, they do shows there. And that was the place where everybody would go up from Boston during the summer. We'd all go up to this casino. Was it Hampton Beach?

I think that's it. I don't remember. Anyway, we were all there and George Carlin had this weird thing that he was doing where he just had like a notepad, and he was just reading off, fuck this and fuck that. It was like this whole, and fuck Israel, and fuck this, and fuck, like the whole bit was like, it wasn't really working. You know, it was weird. It was like there was all this energy, and there was all this, you know, push into it. And it was fascinating for me to watch. Cause it was like,

this is George Carlin. I mean, George Carlin is like an all time great comic, but this, at this point in his life, it wasn't working out that night. I don't know what it was, but my friend looked over me and goes, fucking sucks and I was like wow I couldn't even say anything because I had dragged them there they weren't comedians you know I dragged them to go see George Carlin and he was eating it it was weird and I you know I stopped listening to him for like a year or two and then I bought he had like um warning explicit lyrics I think was one of his cds which was great and I was like he got it back it was almost like you know he just had a bad see he did so

much stand-up everyone has a bad setting it wasn't just a bad set it was a bad it was a bad set like not that night but set out the way it was written it was just he went through a period of like i don't know how many decades where he made a new hour every year so because of that he was so fucking prolific he would essentially like write a whole new monologue a long monologue every year and to do that and still have something to say after all those years, you're going to hit some stumbling blocks along the way. I mean, you're going to have some awkward moments. If you go to see Louis C.K., this is very possible that Louis is working on new shit right now. He's always got

new shit. If you do that, it's so hard to maintain the quality. It's so hard to, every year, a new hour. What the fuck, man? God damn. You wonder how many, you would have to start doing things specifically to write material. Like go to Universal Studios. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you're going to go somewhere.

I try to do it once a week now, just do stupid shit like that. Just to get material? Absolutely. Really? Yeah. It's kind of cool because it makes you do more things. And it's a two-edged sword because you still enjoy it you know it's like you're going to do some cool well what have you done that you didn't like doing uh what was that recently uh there was something recently that i did i did oh well no that was

still fun going to that black strip club but no i i can't think of there was something i did recently that was really boring i can't even think of what it was but i remember thinking like well that was kind of oh doing uh mushrooms in a shitty hotel in venice oh yeah yeah that was horrible that's not a good move but i still got kind of material from it and kind of i guess what what kind of material did you get oh it's just like on stuff i haven't really tried out too much but uh you know like you know you about how bad you can tell like you can tell you know you're in a bad area where everywhere you look there's evidence you know right stuff like that you know they're just like all these tags that kind of

build up and trying to make into sets but i don't know things like that you i i've been doing more now i've never done that but usually once a week i try to do something crazy like i want to go to magic castle i want to like i've never been yeah i've never been but i want to go there and just get drunk my friend zach at uh jujitsu was a magician oh really yeah he's always inviting me to go there but you know what you have to wear like a jacket and a tie i know and there's always creepy actors there that you that you're i heard like every time you go there but you know what you have to wear like a jacket a tie I know and there's always these creepy actors there that you that you're I heard like every time you go there's somebody weird there you're like why is that person here like who like some guy from the 80s no not even that like shit what's his

name I think I don't want to say but I don't I don't know who what his name is but somebody you're like wow really like that guy's here I saw that Stephen Baldwin is suing Kevin Costner for Kevin Costner has apparently he owns a piece of some company that makes a machine that takes oil out of water which is pretty surreal mm-hmm doesn't there's an ex on store that last big spill he donated yeah or something yeah see that pretty crazy yeah when you stop and think that somehow another kevin costner is a part of this i don't know how he got to be a part i don't know what the story behind water road bro it might have been i bet they paid him a load of money for

water world i mean water world it wasn't like it was one of the biggest budget movies of all time at that time and it made them or lost the leap most i guess i don't know if it lost the most, I guess. I don't know if it lost the most, but it lost a shitload. So look that shit up. Find out if it does. But I remember when it came out, I was like, God, what a fucking crazy idea. This movie sucks. I never watched the whole thing. Who the fuck thought they could film a whole movie on the water?

That's so hard to do just to get your shit out there, get your goddamn equipment out there on the water. Everything's getting wet and fucked up. You're dropping your camera in the water all the time it's so stupid and the premise sucks anyway what's the oh everything's water now okay so in the future you know like where like earthquakes everything fell into the ocean or something like that there would be way more sharks if that was the case there'd be way more sharks there would be everybody would be jacking like sharks and all sorts of things be trapped grabbing people pulling them under starfish and shit octopuses grabbing them dragging them

underwater there'd be a lot of that because people would we'd be like little bobbers wow kevin costner was on the set of that movie 157 days working six days a week for a movie that's a long ass for a movie that sucked a big fat bag of dicks here we go wildly considered to be one of the biggest box office bombs of all times although it grossed 255 million from 175 million dollar budget this does not factor in marketing and distribution charges or percentage of the gross that theaters keep which is up to 45% the film came to be nicknamed Kevin's gate after Heaven's Gate and fish tar after ishtar two mega bombs yeah ishtar was a huge bomb. Never saw that either. Did you ever watch that?

Yeah, I think I watched part of it when I was a kid, but I don't remember. It was Warren Beatty and Dustin Hoffman. I don't even know what the fuck it was about. And what was the other one that they said was a big bomb? The other one I never even heard of, but it was called Heaven's Gate. Yeah, I think that

was a Warren Beatty movie too was that no no that's Chris Christopherson Christopher Walken and John Hurt and actually got a 6.5 on IMDb huh but just Bob has a pretty cool cover or poster never saw it but ishtar i remember ishtar was a bomb and it was not just a bomb but everybody talked about what a bomb it was so it became a massive bomb like oh my god have you seen ishtar what a piece of shit like they didn't even see it and they were just saying it was a piece of shit yeah i remember when i was a kid i used ishtar as a reference to something cheap or shitty like you know like i would say things were that's like ishtar oh really yeah like that was meanwhile I was like super expensive probably because they had to pay Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty

right yeah yeah I wonder how much Kevin Costner made for 157 days on that piece of shit movie yeah right we had some guys from fear factor stunt guys that worked on that and they were saying it was hell yeah it sounds pretty ridiculous just the idea behind it man you're gonna make a fucking movie where everything's floating stop it you silly bitch like with it with the best one though wasn't even that the best one was the postman did you ever see that no I never was horses right it was like him on horses it was in the future after the shit hits the fan Kevin Costner is a fucking hero because he delivers letters

to people he's the postman oh my god dude it's so bad you can't believe it's real and the acting is so bad the acting is like ABC after after school special acting like there's no way it seems real it's like shut up mom get out of my room like it just does not seem there's nothing realistic about it at all and the premise is don't shit yeah and did you did you hear about fucking thq and ea yeah yeah crazy yeah the ufc is going to make um their new video game with ea and apparently thq bought it or ea bought it from thq you know i feel bad thq shut down uh shut down the developer that you know they did it shut down their office yesterday right e3 just closed down and they didn't have a booth at this year's e3 because i was originally because i'm going to e3 tomorrow and i wanted to talk to them about ufc and all that crap like that and they didn't have a booth at this year's e3 because I was originally because I'm going to e3 tomorrow and I wanted to talk to them about UFC and all

that crap like that and they were like and we don't have a booth we're meeting at a hotel and I'm like whoa so I'm going down but then yeah I think you know THQ did a really good job with that game and THQ I thought you know with Saints Row I mean they've been Saints Row just released a map pack then Ryan Keely who does you know podcast with, she's in the new map pack. So they're actually combining video games with Penthouse now, which I thought was cool. That is smart. Yeah.

But I think they're losing a lot of money, man. The UFC game was the only game, apparently, that was making good money. Now, are you going to be doing the EA games of this yet? I'm sure I'll probably do it. Yeah? Yeah. yet are you gonna be doing the EA games of this yet or is that all I'm sure I'll probably do it yeah yeah it's a pain in the dick but it's it's worth it in the long run it's the you know the the finished product they're very thorough like we we did so much commentary you don't get too much repeat look like words like there's all sorts of different versions of you know things that you do and like transitions

like arm bar to knee bar transition from the triangle to the arm bar like all that different kind of stuff like we voice them all individually you know so it's there's there's so many moves you can do it's like really kind of crazy that you look at that that thing that remote control and you're supposed to be able to figure that out like down here and up there and left and push this and push that it's it's a it's a fucking it's it's not that you gotta like take a lot of time to figure out all the moves that your your guy is capable of doing because there's so much shit there's so many different submissions and punches and kicks and and to know what button is doing what at the exact same moment

it's fucking hard man there's a lot a lot involved well now that it's with ea you need to hold out for more money because they they are the the big pimps of the video game industry thanks for saying that on the internet where they hear exactly what my fucking plans are now yeah like a bitch but no they they that's cool though because e EA does make the best sports games. EA gets a lot of shit for being the monopoly, buying out and killing all the small companies and shit like that. But EA, they do make some fucking kick-ass games, like Tiger Woods Golf, fucking Madden Football.

They own some of the biggest franchises. I think it's way better for UFC, the the video game in the future I think well Dana's very excited about it when he told me about it he was saying that these guys are the best and they're gonna make the best game it's funny because EA had recently said they were gonna have a new MMA game right and you know no one knew that it was gonna be the UFC yeah but everybody was like oh it's probably gonna be EA MMA too right the second version of it because they had an EA MMA game with like fade or in and yeah I wonder if they're gonna use that engine or if they're gonna buy out the thq engine or start create a new engine

because that'd be interesting that's a good point it might just be a restripped MMA game I wonder EA MMA looked it looked decent but man a lot of the fucking fighters did not look like the real fighter. Yeah. I think they rushed that game. They were like, oh shit, we can't. We got to release the game now. Really? I think they saw when UFC, all the heat from UFC.

Those guys fucking work. That's the one thing that really puts in perspective when you hang out with a guy like Cliffy B. You go to the epic game studio You know like when we went down there or if you go to THQ and you see like the the hours that we put in The video game pretty minuscule. I mean I could complain it like six hours of sitting there going he's rocked Yeah, but the reality is that's not that that's not a hard job But these fucking guys are working long hours every day and then when things don't go well they just get laid are we back jesus christ ladies and gentlemen the technology here is just ridiculous we um

had uh an issue here at the rogan compound with uh at one point in time the uh um router kept fucking, and I would have to reboot it twice a day. So today we replaced everything, and yet the same thing happened. Really? Twice a day? Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes I would have to reboot it twice a day. Damn, that sucks. Well, the router was shitting out, so I replaced the router today, and it shit out. You mean the router they give you you you

had replaced no or your my house has a system and there's a ethernet jacks all throughout the house so you can get online anywhere and then you know that was when I bought this house wireless wasn't that big and then now we set it up wired but so there's in the garage is like a big box that has all this these wires going into it and this giant big-ass router that runs everything it's unnecessarily complicated but that's the way you want to have it if you have a house that has you know if you want Ethernet ports in your house you kind of have to have it they all the wires have to go to us something why don't you just do

wireless you can but it wasn't won't work for the whole house you can get those little repeaters everywhere throughout your house yeah i've never tried that we have different stations we have stations throughout the house i want to make sure that it's a strong signal too there's nothing more annoying than a flitting wired fleeting wireless signal we have to fucking you got to sit on the corner of the couch if you want to get it like what get the fuck out of here you should just have like you know like time warner on one side of your house u-verse on the other side of your house i have like all of them so like whenever one's down you're like all right let's just go into the

this side of the house and use something else or you could test them all out at the same time see which one's the best yeah that sounds like a huge pain in the ass that sounds like something you would do if you had too much i would do that too much free time i would do that though i finally get verizon out here i get verizon internet out here too fios or whatever it's called no i mean on your on your phone oh right works the verizon updated for the longest time out here i couldn't answer a phone call on verizon but now i can especially if i'm outside from outside i'll get confident i'll answer the phone damn i'm gonna yeah it indeed has two bars right now yeah it's good for texting but it's for phones it's uh pretty ridiculous have you heard this thing i mean it's on infowars.com i think so it might not be real but um not that info wars is all horseshit but they get a little

crazy sometimes it's uh it says five million farmers are suing monsanto for 7.7 billion dollars that's uh pretty incredible five bill five million farmers 7.7 billion dollars which is like what they make in a month right but that's a lot of fucking people that's chicken scratch yeah they say that a farmer commits suicide because of because of Monsanto on some fucking ridiculous ridiculous rate. I'm trying to find it here in the articles because there was something crazy like every 30 seconds

a farmer commits suicide. 17,683 Indian farmers just in 2009 committed suicide. Whoa. That shit's ridiculous. So they're all suing for as much as 6.2 billion euros 7.7 billion dollars

i don't even think this is in america this is going on wow oh suicide every 30 minutes wow that is what it is it's probably really hard to find red chickens it's not chickens it's the seeds man it's not the it's they're trying to patent animals but right now it's uh mostly mostly seeds that they're selling they're terminator seeds you know they're they're only good for a certain amount and then they don't make seeds that work it's really kind of crazy that they've anybody's ever let them make these fucking horrible distorted versions of life in the first place fucking creeps did you hear this thing about uh pentagon suspects uh uh they some people uh in the pentagon

apparently uh downloaded porn run two three go some people uh in the pentagon that were working there download kitty porn it's for research bro yeah and the there's some you know investigation but they won't turn over the records because they say it's it would compromise national security so they can't the Pentagon is allowed the only people in the world apparently that are allowed to watch kiddie porn because they can download it and look we know what we're doing trust us this is all about the united states government and keeping the peace and the security of our fine nation can you imagine watching kids get fucked by adults as a part of the security of your fine nation and you you can't you can't tell why can't you say it's a part of a research project where this guy

downloaded it or that you know what they're doing I bet I bet they have some sick fuck that's a child molester and they're like you know they they'll give him a little child porn if he gives them all information yeah you know I wonder if child porn is going down lately because of the other trends in child porn well yeah I mean you know like the nowadays that the school I mean the old thing what was schoolgirls Japanese school girls okay wait a minute this is way crazier than I thought the Pentagon checked on Wow Pentagon exploit suspected of viewing child pornography

fuck what okay this is crazy in 2006 the Immigration and Customs Enforcement Agency, which conducts internet pornography investigations, produced a list of 5,200 Pentagon employees suspected of viewing child pornography. 5,200 employees. Wow. How many employees are there? I don't know. That's incredible. I wouldn't even have thought there were that much. Wait, wait, what website is this? This website that I'm reading right here, boston.com. This is not a conspiracy website at all.

This is a real website. The suspected of viewing child pornography and asked the Pentagon to review it. But the Pentagon checked only two-thirds of the names, unearthing roughly 300 defense and intelligence employees who allegedly had viewed child pornography on their work or home computers. The defense investigators failed to check an additional 1,700 names on the list defense officials have revealed in correspondence with senator charles grassley republican of iowa probably they found out that their systems were hacked and all these employees didn't look at child porn and then halfway through searching all of them like no

we just got hacked they that could be it and they they could you know um not want to bring that up right i don't want to admit exactly hacked exactly very possible and it was probably some like famous goat see two-year-old pick you know it was probably something stupid like yeah that is kind of a crazy number yeah that's like every employee yeah I doubt I mean how many employees is there but I mean 5,000 seems pretty big let's find out how many employees are in Pentagon that's a really good point that probably these knuckleheads didn't even think of yeah well we have a show tomorrow oh yeah I'll show tomorrow the ice house and

Friday at the house both in the little room so don't sleep. It'll sell out quick. It's only like 85 seats. The Pentagon. How many people? Come on, bitch. What? How many employees? 24,000. 24,000.

So that's, what is it, 10%? How many? What did we say? 5,000. So that's saying one-fifth of the employees are addicted to ChildPoint. So that's, yeah, that's stupid. It wasn't even 2,400. You're right. It was 5,000. So that's saying one-fifth of the employees are addicted to child porn. So that's, yeah, that's stupid. It wasn't even 2,400. You're right.

It was 5,000. Fucking Boston wants to talk to Burbank. That's pretty ridiculous. I wonder if that is the truth. I wonder if you nailed it. It's absolutely what it is, and that's why the Pentagon didn't say anything about it. They just realized that they got hacked.

Or imagine if the government is just infiltrated by kid fuckers, and it's just like just like the Vatican kid fuckers galore if you had to imagine how many people in the Vatican got busted for kid fucking how much how many of them that it looks okay look at Vatican child porn I mean it's gotta be something there's some scandal You can write Vatican child porn, and you know you're going to get something. There you go. Vatican fucking Canadian bishop convicted for child pornography. Boom.

How easy. So simple. Isn't that amazing that you know that you can look that up? It's so weird. You can just look up Vatican child porn, and there's something some Canadian bishop he they they got rid of them they booted him out so it wasn't that you know the Vatican had child porn it was that they got rid of a guy who had child porn but then there was a whole issue of the guy who's the actual Pope himself R actual pope himself, Ratzinger.

You know, Ratzinger, Pope Benedict, whatever the fuck he was. When he was a bishop or whatever silly name they like to give themselves, whatever the hell he was, he was in charge of following up on cases of child molestation. And it's clear, clear evidence that he he's tried to he tried to divert the investigation and would like really uh slacked off on it and then got rid of the guy like aided in getting rid of the guy who uh they were going after they had all sorts of little things they would do like they would a guy would get busted banging kids and they would just move them to another place like that's that's been the standing protocol of the catholic church for the

longest time whenever someone a cardinal gets caught and gets in trouble they just move them to some other place it's really bizarre man it makes you really wonder what it's all about it makes you really wonder if at the the top branch of the catholic church when they're all alone like are they just all kid fuckers they just they all bring like a bag Church when they're all alone like are they just all kid fuckers they just they all bring like a bag and they're all around in big circle they empty the bag of their child it's like comes out oh it would have been something really fucked up like they kidnapped one child a month what did you hear about the child that was missing from sex and then now you are in the pentagon list wasn't there was a there

was a uh okay here's a child sex investigation yeah this is it there was a story where um a former bishop said that a girl who turned up missing missing was um was taken by the Vatican and they used her as a sex slave and killed her oh my god yeah it's so fucking crazy yeah pretty fucking strange yeah this is so whenever they look at these things and these probes they find out how many different reverends were fucked up the church previously insisted the crimes of the late reverend maciel m-a-c-i-e-l were his alone he was uh long held up as a model by pope john paul ii despite credible accusations later proven that he raped and molested his seminarians.

The Legion of Christ had over 900 priests. Wow, Jesus Christ, this guy. I don't even want to hear this. He died in 2008, a year later the Orthodox order confessed that he had fathered three children with two different women and that he had abused his seminarians. There's an arrogance that a lot of these dudes have when they become priests that they feel like they're everybody kisses their ass have you ever been to a church you ever been to like Catholic Church no my Catholic well I mean I've been to

them but I didn't go to one you know I mean Catholic Church is very creepy and it's very it's very strict like very strict like if you giggle in a Catholic Church they'll smack you in your phone really yeah they don't want that noise they don't want kids to be kids in catholic church it's scary like you go to baptist churches baptist churches and everybody's laughing and giggling little babies are crying they'll smack a baby in a catholic church there's nobody nobody wants little kids crying out in a catholic church they're they're they're it's like a harsh environment and the priests are conned. Yes father father Everyone's talking to them father and everyone's like real nervous to be around them

So they especially the old ones they have this arrogance about them Which is really strange like you you're just some creepy old queer and a fucking weird outfit You know, you can't come out of the closet and you're you know spouting off nonsense and everybody's kissing your ass So you've gotten confused and you really do believe that you're above everyone else like they have a weird fucking sense of entitlement and and it's very strange talking to a lot of priests obviously not all of them a lot of priests but the one who gave the eulogy for my grandmother's um funeral is a perfect example that he was first of all he had gin blossoms all over his face this poor fuck you know when they get those broken blood vessels when they get hammered all the time

right i mean it's a shit life man right you know so this this fucking dude his whole face he was obvious drunk and then so was the one who married my sister same thing gin blossoms all over his face called those crichers crich. What, does Bert have those? No. Bert doesn't have those. He gets red now. That's for, like, old dudes who are, like, on death's door. But anyway, my grandmother's name was Josephine.

And as they're doing the eulogy, he keeps calling her Geraldine. He calls her Geraldine, like, three times. And someone steps up and goes, it's Josephine. Her name was Josephine. And so he just, without missing a beat, Josephine, and he doesn't say, my apologies. I mean, this is a bunch of people who are sad because, you know, their mom has died.

And these fucks, you know, this guy's giving, he's just completely phoning this in. So when he's saying Geraldine, Geraldine, they correct him. Instead of saying, I'm sorry, you know, I made a mistake uh her name was josephine not geraldine it's my apologies instead of that he just changed it geraldine we here on a geraldine who died not geraldine josephine josephine who died it's just like phoning it in, saying the, he just said like the words in the order, no emotion behind it, no nothing.

Good night, everybody. Take it easy. I'm going to go drink. No pussy. No fun. No riverboat gambling. Just little children's mouths. Suppression.

I wonder how many of them are gay and how many of them are just miserable. How many of them want to fuck kids? How many of them want to just shoot themselves in the head? What are the actual numbers? And I'm sure a few of them are happy. how many of them are just miserable how many of them want to fuck kids how many of them want to just shoot themselves in the head what are the actual numbers and i'm sure a few of them are happy don't get crazy twitter that's the thing that people get fucking most angry at me about is uh shitting on religion which i think is so hilarious because i'm only shitting on specific acts that you could you could attribute them to religion but this is these are human beings that are fucking kids call it religion growing up that religion also makes me like i see i don't see religion as bad uh because i grew up lutheran which is like i guess you know we had a starbucks and stuff in our church a starbucks yeah you had a starbucks in your church it was a coffee place like a starbucks really yeah i mean it was

you know a lot different than it's like a social thing a happy yeah it was, it was, you know, a lot different than... It's like a social thing, a happy thing. Yeah, it was good. It was positive. It was like, it was more relaxing and shit like that. There's none of that shit in the Catholic Church. Yeah, it wasn't too intense. Catholic Church is all about guilt. If you look at, like, if you think about the churches that are involved with the most fucked up accusations, the Catholic Church is at the top of that list.

The top. And they're also the most fucked up accusations. The Catholic Church is at the top of that list. The top. And they're also the most suppressive. The most suppressive, the most... They just fill your head with guilt and anxiety and suffering and the feeling that you are a failure and that you are inadequate and that you will never measure up and you're a sinner in the eyes of god and

didn't have any of that oh scott it was horrible first grade i did a full year of catholic school and we went to church when i was like six or seven and we went to church like on a regular basis all the time and it was hellacious it was disgusting it was just it was all like terror all i could think of is every day before school i'd be like I can't believe I have to go to this place. Just this torturous place to drop off your children where they just glang on to your fucking neck and suck off all your happiness. Just suck it out of you like a vampire, man. Really weird. I remember, I really clearly remember being in the middle of class while the teacher was doing

something crazy and they were talking about something crazy I was like you guys are nuts like how are you even saying this like listen to what's coming out of your mouth this is complete nonsense like what the fuck are we doing here that's kind of weird you almost got some kind of weird uh I don't know like some kind of that's like not being not being molested but you as a child you were exposed to something that that's probably not positive at all for your your as an adult mental molestation and a huge percentage of catholics go through that shit i mean i've talked to kids who went to catholic school who didn't have a bad time but most of them a good percentage of them had a

gruesome experience with the soul sapping they just sucked the life out of you and that's why the catholics are so crazy they bounce back you know you can't suppress people you know we've talked about this before that catholic school girls girls that like jenny mccarthy perfect example you're talking about horny she was she went to an all girls catholic school man all girls catholic schools produce the best sluts really oh yeah they're all fucking locked away they have to sprint for dick as soon as the light turns green they don't get to see dick all day at school and flirt around with them and make friends with them and pass notes in class no all day it's this boiling pot of this this big boiling mass of estrogen and female hormones and then the light turns green and they run out the door and just dive on a

cock like a patriotic soldier and a grenade they can't wait to get some dick in them this poor girl that i did in high school her and her sister were both the biggest pigs, and they both went to Catholic school. And then there was another one who was like a prude who went to public school. It was really weird. It was like for some reason, one of them, they started her off in public school,

and they just kept her in. But her sister, they had a little money. Her sister was a couple years younger, so they well we're gonna put we're doing a little better now we're gonna try to put her through Catholic school and that girl was the girl I dated and oh my god she was a freak she was a fucking freak she would fuck anybody anybody who tried to fuck her she would fuck them she was this bitch was crazy man I told you she was a girl where my my friend was fingering her in front of my house when i got up in the morning to deliver

newspapers they were still up from you know the night before partying and they're parked in front of my my fucking house and i slammed my hand on the hood i don't remember what i said something half witty but i was like jesus Jesus Christ my all my expectations for relationships were shattered By my first two girlfriends right away Because one of them was a complete slut that could not just leave a dick alone A dick was like a kitten with a ball of yarn You can't roll a ball of yarn in front of a kid and they just fucking paws go up and they dive on that shit That's how she was with Cox and then the other one was like really manipulative the other one like you know

you drive an hour and a half to see her and she's like i'm not in the mood you know she was like really creepy like she wanted to you know be the one who always decided what was on tv and always decided what music we were listening to to yeah it was it was it was a weird selfish thing she grew up an only child and her mom was kind of a and so it was uh it wasn't it wasn't happy her mom was like a big woman and she had a bad opinion of men it was a it was a lot of weirdness in that house so i got to see i got to see conti but pretty and nice you know most of the time just cunty behavior occasionally and then super yeah and so it was like Jesus Christ relationships are disastrous like

right right away like the first couple of years of relationships to me was like what's the point in this not that I was any fucking prize back then either I mean I was completely crazy but just it's funny how you can have a couple crazy relationships while you're young and it completely shapes you you know you just that's where you get your you. That's where you form your opinions of what relationships are like. I've had some relationships as an older man when I got to be in my late 20s and 30. We're really nice people. You enjoy being around them.

I didn't even think that was possible when I lived in Boston I thought you know based on my own personal experience and was like this is shit you got to do to get some pussy and then run away from them as quick as you can go find your friends you know that was that was my my my take on it plus if you're trying to do anything else while you're a kid you don't really have the time for a real relationship you know if you're going to high school and you're trying to pursue something like if you're pursuing a sport or trying to be in a band or anything you're trying to do where you're throwing all of your possible energy at that your your amount of time that you have for

relationships is it's pretty small i feel that way right now almost you know like I was watching that old movie Howard Stern private parts and he in that movie was taught how to part with his old wife Beth where Beth was like that's not his old wife or his new wife is Beth or what's his old the girl that he dated before I don't remember Allison Allison yeah so Allison was like you know there's creepy that I know that yeah we know his whole but Allison was like saying like you never have a time you only you know, there's creepy that I know that yeah, we know his whole but Allison was like saying like yeah I never have a time you only you know have time for your radio show and blah blah blah and everything You know and I'm thinking like shit, you know

That's the same how I feel right now because I'm putting everything in one basket with doing podcasting and all that crap Why do you do that? Listen, man You're doing really well now and you you went on the road with Joey Diaz and did stand up and had a great fuck It's like a little baby fucking it's like a little baby it's like a little baby it's like a little you know little little project that i'm watching grow and blossom and nothing wrong with that and you know especially it's interesting when i have people like take over and then like like i come in the room i'm like you know i'm like oh shit look you know the camera's not even on that person you know that person right

yeah well it's shit like that where it's like people you haven't taken over are stoned no no no these are friends that are just helping me out but but but that but that's what that's a good example of like where i'm like you know i feel like i have to have some kind of quality control right and you know because that's like a little baby that i created you know it's like it's i totally understand that i totally understand where you're coming from i just think um you could get there easier for you with less of them. I have. I've been cutting a lot. Good.

Good. But on the other hand, we've been doing three Joe Rogan podcasts and two Ice House shows now. So it's like I'm even working harder now. Yeah. Dude, we're killing it though. I feel too much of an obligation to all those people that we're meeting. I feel too much of an obligation to all those people that we're meeting. Because it sounds goofy, and it's really hard to talk about without sounding like you're crazy or you're an egomaniac.

But I feel like this is something bigger than all of us. I feel like we're the ones who are responsible for broadcasting it, and we're the voices on the podcast but this podcast is resonating with so many fucking people it's it's so many people come to the shows and it's not just hey we really like the show it's you changed my life it's this show changed my life this guy came up to me the other day in edmonton and he was telling me how he's much nicer to people now and he just he takes the time to tip more and be nicer and it's changed his whole way of life he says my life i'm more successful now he goes i feel better now i'm happier now he goes i would never thought that being nicer

people like on purpose and then tipping like being nice and generous would make me feel so much better yeah there's been a lot of that and suit people that's like dude you really did save my life like i was in that point in my life where i wanted to kill myself and you guys really have like shook me out of that yeah look i i've had moments in my life when i haven't been happy when i felt like shit and then i have now where i could not be happier and the when i look at my life what what has changed physically in my body well actually i've gotten older so thinking about my past and my you know my my history of martial arts and all that, my body should be a mess. I should be in pain all the time.

I should be, you know what I mean? I shouldn't feel better and more happy and vibrant today than before. So why do I? Well, one of the reasons why is because I don't have any negative shit in my life anymore. I don't have any bad people in my life. I don't have a bad job. I don't have any negative things. I don't have any things that I'm trying to avoid. And when you don't have anything you're trying to avoid, you have happiness. And it takes a while

for people to recognize that there's a direct correlation between your state of mind and your state of existence. And if you get both of them in line, you get both of them in line, you can have a good fucking life You don't have to be rich rich is bullshit. That's not what's important You know what you have to do you have to have enough money, so you have to worry Have enough money so that you can feed yourself so that you can take care of your your family That's what you need when you get crazy, and you want you know stacks of money and big That's just another form of obsession you might as well

Just be jerking off until you put blisters on your dick. The key to all this shit is balance. The key to the whole thing is balance. And it's a constant struggle. If I slip for a couple weeks, if I don't go in the tank for a couple weeks, if I don't write for a couple weeks, if I can go a week without working out, anytime i do anything where i throw off the balance and i don't do the work that i'm supposed to put in i feel the difference i feel i feel less less uh less capable when i sit down and write again i feel less less vibrant uh when i train i don't feel as good when i go on stage. But that's something I fucking very rarely, I don't hardly ever take a week off of stand-up anymore.

It's like I can't. Even one week, I have to go up and kill it. I have to go up and throw my new shit out there. I have to go up and record it and go back and listen to it. If I don't do that, I feel like i'm wasting something i feel like i feel like i have i've been gifted with an incredible opportunity an incredible moment in time an incredible just very just an incredibly fortunate and fortuitous roll of the dice and i feel like it's a insult to the gods if you enjoy you know you you enjoy that but then you neglect it and

you let it rot away when you got it right there you know what I'm saying it's like when I get on stage now and I'm when I'm at my best and you know and I'm killing and people came to see the show and they come out to the show and they say oh my god my stomach hurt and it was the funniest shit I ever saw thank you so much we had the greatest time you know what one of the things I'm thinking, thank God they had a great time. That's good. Boy, I'm so happy. The next thing I'm thinking is, I got to keep doing this.

I have an obligation. It takes a long time to reach a state of proficiency at something. It takes an even longer time to develop an audience. It takes an even longer time to actually get a message out there that might change the way people think. And when you combine all of them together, that's when I say that I think it's bigger than all of us. I feel like it's something that started and I got to keep going. There's no way. People say, don't ever stop the podcast. I don't think I can. I don't think it's legal.

I don't think the laws of the universe wouldn't allow it, you know? That sounds pretentious, but for real, that's the 100% honest way how I feel about the whole situation. I feel like we just lit a spark and we started something, and now we're like the keepers of the flame, And everybody adds to this fucking thing. It's like people are constantly tweeting things and sending things and offering suggestions and coming to shows and being enthusiastic and pumping. Like, you remember when you came to Atlanta when I filmed my special Atlanta? What the fuck was that like? Wandering around with all those people, thousands and thousands of people. Everybody's friendly. Everybody's happy

there's a very specific vibe to all these shows and it's something that me and ari were talking about when we were up in canada he goes wow the crowd up there was great and i was like they were awesome man but when's the last time we had a shit crowd it's not happening anymore it's like you're getting the same type of people everywhere you go. Do you ever worry about getting a DUI? Sure. That's why I don't drink. No, I know. But just for the point that you can't.

Is that true that you cannot go to Canada after you have a DUI? Yes. Can you imagine that, though? For you? For me, yeah. Yeah, that would be like, hey, no more fucking. You just got a huge job cut or salary cut that would suck you would have to hire a lawyer to try to get you in and then you'd have

to probably make some restitution but they just don't want any douchebags up there that's insane yeah it's insane but i understand that canada is so nice people are so nice up there they're they're insanely inflammatory with their niceness. It's like, Jesus, what are you, real? Slow down. Turn this down. What's going on? You don't even realize it.

When you're around, especially big city Americans, it's so rare that you find really outgoing, friendly people. And then you go to somewhere like calgary or something like that everyone's friendly you go to vancouver everyone's friendly you know i mean a friend of mine was talking about that in a bar that he were they were doing stand-up in vancouver and they were at a bar and uh girls were like hey where you from and like what you're talking to us what's going on what are you doing he goes we thought it was a trick like there were hookers or something.

Like, girls are just saying hi, coming up and saying hi. Girls in America don't do that. That's rare as fuck. Yeah. They're nicer up there, man. They don't have that conqueror mentality. They don't have this America. Fuck yeah.

When you're from the best, and you can talk all the shit you want about other empires, but they can all suck America's dick. There's never been anything like America. As far as the, you know, we're lucky, you know, as far as, I mean, I guess, you want to look at it that way. Right. That we were born here in this crazy machine. But if you look at, like, empires, like the Roman Empire, the Persian Empire, any emp any empires that like tried to conquer the world nobody did nothing like what we're doing and we're denying that we're an empire we're like right in the middle of it military presence in over a hundred different countries and we're like you

know we're just just trying to be nice you know when you have that kind of a country and there's so much military power and the whole world kind of like, think about how many assholes just act like douchebags because their team wins. Like when the Lakers win the championships and dudes are driving down the street, we're number one, bitch. We're number one, bitch. And you don't even know the Lakers are playing. You're like, what the fuck is going on with these people? They're number one for what? What happened?

Well, they choose the Lakers. They live in LA, so they people number one for what what happened well they're they choose the lakers they're they live in l.a so they're number one now that's what a lot of people are about america being a military power there's a lot of kids in this country that are like they they act like extra cocky because we're this giant military power as if they have anything to do with it you know we're number one we got the bombs i saw backdraft last night remember that no you didn't yeah but kurt russell yeah and remember like how paranoid you were to open your front door for like two weeks like that the whole movie was about backdraft i remember just sitting there like like touching my door real quick

and like spinning on it they made a movie about fire going through doorways really fast who gives a shit about back drafts now is what I'm saying is like I never think about back drafts but yeah when does that come up when was your last back draft fire scary as fuck though man it's weird that we got this thing that we control and we don't even think about it it's just you know light it with you know you could buy it anywhere you go think about how irresponsible people are and then think about the fact that we got fire in our pocket yeah we have fire in our pockets it's amazing there's not way more fires than there are i know look at this we're just sitting around here talking i got fire that's

crazy yeah we're so stupid that can burn a whole city down think how fucking stupid we are and the fact that you could go to a corner drugstore give me ten of those just kid ten of them go to the liquor store give me some lighter fluid yeah and you can just light shit on fire everywhere it's amazing when you really think about the potential for damage with all the shit that we have how little things actually get damaged you know especially with fire yeah have you ever been in a big fire were you around when the the big brush fires yeah did you see any of that yeah I've been here and like when I lived in Calabasas when I first moved out here there was oh that's right and did you

ever get evacuated I remember we were on the road I think the real men of comedy tour or something like that yeah I was there and my ex-fiancee at the time had to pack up her whole entire apartment and because she got evacuated yeah that's right and that's right that's so bad it's like you know she's just like where do i go i'm having no idea no that's scary as fuck man when when we i've been evacuated twice and where i used to live in colorado that burnt down too. Not the house, but that area burnt down too. They lost something like hundreds and hundreds of houses. It was some insane amount of acreage too got burnt down. The reality is once those motherfuckers get started, especially out here, it's so dry out here.

When does all that shit start? Right now? It starts right now. June 1st is the time where we have have to have brush clearance so you're supposed to clear out all the dead shit in the brush and you know people get fined for that it's a big deal because some asshole who doesn't take care of his lawn you know and you let the brush pile up and all of a sudden you've got a really dangerous situation if anything flies and lands on it that's what fucks them up is these

fires they start, and the embers float through the air, and then the embers will land on some dry grass, and poof, there's a new fire. And that's the epicenter of a new fire, and it's just fucking, the wind takes that bitch and carries those flames, and that lights a tree on fire,

and the embers from that fly up, and that catches some other area. That's a fucking pain in the ass man mm-hmm it's hard they got a circle them and drop water on him and shit have you ever seen them scoop down and get the water yeah because when there was fires in Burbank because I also experienced one in Burbank there was a fire at the Hollywood Mountain two years ago or a year ago and I guess there's a big water scoop for helicopters on the top yeah and they just sat there and watched them scoop out of like a big pool like a like a

swimming pool on those when I first came here there was a big fire in the Hollywood Hills so fucking really nice area the Hollywood Hills and we were watching it from the Virgin Megastore there was that little area out front we're like Wolfgang Puck's I don't know if it still is there but used to be there we were sitting there watching these helicopters drop fire on this building and i just kept thinking like what a strange world we live in where we take something like fire for granted and here it is just eating its way through the earth this energy source and everybody's freaking out and dropping things on it and trying to stop it and really inadequate really ineffective like it takes a long time to

put out a fire they're trying but they have these giant planes they have to go down scoop up the water fly over and poop it's like they shoot a little tiny water load on the fire and then right back to it it takes a long time to actually put the fire out and most likely some houses are going to get jacked and there's nothing they can do about it. And all those houses inside of them have electricity. This other crazy power thing that we totally take for granted is fucking pulsating energy through the wires of the house that powers your internet and powers your fucking lights,

and our life would suck tremendous cock if we didn't have it. Or it might be completely amazing I would be amazing because it'd be really nothing would be fresh more people have sex hard to get healthy meat you have to kill things that day that's annoying as fuck imagine have to kill fish and animals that day that's the only way your whole life would be about hunting and gathering once you cut out the electricity it's really difficult to store things You know it's hard you can you gotta go with cattle and then you got to make sure if you kill it you eat all

Of it so you have to calculate how many people are here who's working? I'm gonna make sure everybody's doing their part to get a piece of this animal I'm gonna kill another one tomorrow and how long if you lived in a place like California and it was the summer time how long does an animal in a place like california and it was uh the summertime how long does an animal last once you kill it i'd probably give it 24 hours you really think 24 hours yeah i think it would be rotten as fuck in 24 hours man maybe not but in this heat when it's like 90 degrees outside i gotta think that animal's gonna be a mess well well if you wrap it up and come or a leaf or something like come come the new preservative that you're using well I tried I tried cumin and didn't work so

let's just try come it sounds like it it's cool and even a preservative no it's a spice that joke didn't make sense fuck are you saying so tomorrow night we are um live at the ice house at uh 8 30. and uh who's on the lineup so far uh we got brodie stevens john scheisser tony hinchcliffe randy licky johnny's funny man that kid has got some great jokes he's really good man he's a really good writer yeah he made me laugh Jeffrey Ross hired him for a reason how dare you dare you try to pretend you wrote those jokes yeah guys when they're writing when they're doing like roasts and shit like that and that's when you know there's a lot of comics that make a good living just doing writing and punch-up stuff like that you know it's

weird is that I don't even realize this but like two of my good friends pete and tony who both help us out almost every ice house chronicles they're both from ohio and they're like it's weird that i'm almost i feel like i'm like getting you're pushed toward them yeah because of that because of the ohio they both kind of grew up the same you all have stunted emotional development it's amazing you'll you can all be children forever together yeah yeah it is a weird thing how people you you you sort of like where you grew up that's like sort of how you like what you like hanging out with boston people you hang out with you know all these boston comics speaking of which uh bill burr is doing the podcast next thursday so make sure you uh get up on your RSS feed knowledge and right I love

Bill Burr too I wonder if he's still mad at stitcher I doubt it have they all given up on that I think they've all come back to stitcher cuz or a lot of them have been coming back to stitcher because they're realizing it's Carolla on stitcher yeah he's always been on stitcher he's been a stitcher darling for a long time but But he does his commercials. He does them live and he does them in the moment. He'll break for commercial in the middle of his podcast at several points. Yeah, he does a radio format.

So does Toe to Hop. So he doesn't have to. They don't need to splice in ads on him. His ads get out there no matter what. If Stitcher takes the feed and sends it, his ads get out there no matter what if stitcher takes the feed and sends it his ads get out there so it's not like um sirius for example where our our show when it goes to sirius they cut out the flush light weird every time i hear that it's so weird strange i'll get because i always have it on either in the stern opening anything channel i'll turn on my car and just hear myself talking about it confuses the fuck out of me like well

yeah it's weird when you don't expect to hear yourself in yourself that's really weird like that guy sounds like me wait that is me yeah do you sound like an idiot do you listen yourself and get mad the old ones I did what's changed about you how have you gotten better at podcasting because i'm not trying to just be as goofy and stupid as possible anymore you do that as almost like like uh a girl you know that's at a party and no one's paying attention to her so you'll do something nutty because i act like i act like i was acting like how i act like you know drunk and hanging out with my like friends instead of just being like, oh, people are listening to me actually talked. You know what I mean?

Right. Well, then you had to hear that. Oh, here's something weird that happened to me last night I wanted to talk about. It's kind of the same way. I had this weird thing happen to me the last two days where I have been giggly and silly and fucking really high energy and like really happy like giggly happy like I was running around poking people with straws last night like a little kid and then and then it just went away and I came back to normal and I was like what was that all about like it almost felt like there was some kind of government

up in me for no it was a way to tune into your frequency it was weird though because it was like have i been going through like a a long time depression and that was just like a bump out of it you know or something like that or have i been like you know lacking something in my in my head or diet or something like that and i just had whatever had like a normalcy for a while because i felt like i was like wow if i felt like this every day i would fucking love life you know like crazy you should feel like that every day yeah i guess so but like how do you even explain that like you can't like rewind like hey can you look at my database files you know and tell me what was going on there well a lot of it is yeah it could have

been a lot of different things all at once but it was unnecessary and came out of nowhere i mean but that's probably good oh yeah it was great, but I don't feel like that right now. But you can't always feel like that. It's almost like you want good feelings to just come to you instead of you want to earn them. But I haven't felt that in I don't know how long. It was one of those things like, holy shit, man, this is great. I feel like I'm on ecstasy right now for no reason.

You haven't felt like that in a while? I mean, it was weird. It happened last night, and I was just sillyasy right now for no reason you haven't felt like that in a while i mean it was weird it was just like it happened last night and i was just like silly and giggly for no reason like i was sober and i was just running around being crazy huh it was great so uh i'm setting up this new studio by the by we're working on everything right now so i've started uh pricing out you know equipment and and getting everything ready in place i was gonna have a raw cement floor but i realized that sound wise that would be good so i'm gonna go with uh go with rubber rubber rubber floor you know like

we have like in a gym locker room or really that should be fun it'd be comfortable with sound be great for sound maybe i got that that in my garage my uh gym yeah that i drop weights on right that might not be a bad idea that way if we drop some phones and they won't get broken right i was actually thinking of going with um uh office carpeting but that rubber floor might be better recycled tire floor although it's a it's a cunt to clean right yeah it's not fun to clean so don't be jizzing on my fucking rubber floor what about like a floor that they use in like like a jiu-jitsu gym like a racquetball you know it's all racquetballs hard hardwood floors and that's a real echoey room a racquetball

room well you want to soft things so with the carpet absorbs and you want to put stuff on the walls like Corolla's joint he's got like these big cloth ace broadcasting banners that are framed and they absorb you know they're framed in this it's like screen printed or silk screened onto the cloth and then it's framed right so it's his banner in several different places, and that absorbs the sound. But it might actually be cool just to have just – I like those soundproof little cone things. You know what I'm saying?

Like those panels with like individual little cones in them, like hundreds of cones. Yeah, egg cartons. Exactly. Put that shit on the wall. But I'm trying to find – and this is where people out in the Twitter like hundreds of cones. Yeah, egg cartons, exactly. Put that shit on the wall. I'm trying to find, and this is where people out in the Twitterverse can help me. I'm trying to find what's the best

office chairs. These are kind of cool. I like these. These are alright. But when I sit back on them sometimes... You gotta get those net ones, though. If you want to get the best ones. Are those the best ones? Fucking thousand dollar net ones. How dare they? Who the fuck? I had to turn it back on because our phone went off. are net ones. How dare they? How dare they? How did they hack the mainframe?

I had to turn it back on because our phone went off. Excuse me, our internet went off. No, I got rid of that feature. That's a good feature. This is a super old school podcast. We've had internet connection problems. We've had old phone calls. Yeah, that's

as old school as we can just need to talk about trailer vixen oh how dare you how dare you can't you let it go son you should the way you should look at that relationship is that there's no there's no way you should be able to a girl like that in real life I have no problems with her she's fine okay good beautiful so whatever craziness you gotta say you gotta say to yourself why of course there was craziness she was fucking me how could she not be crazy you gotta look at it that way make girls go crazy yeah just you sent her crazy and she she wasn't she has to be crazy to be fucking you in the first place right she should be fucking some giant supermodel dude right she's

crazy i can't do websites that good. Is that what it is? How dare you? You're going inside. Inside knowledge for folks at home. This is, again, just like the old podcast. Pretending that no one was listening. There's a fucking million people going,

Oh, Brian. We got to get those Oh, Brian t-shirts made. We keep promising those. Yes. But so anybody who has any insight as as to like what's the best most comfortable chairs within reason i guess probably those gravity chairs from relax the back those would be kind of dope get all massage chairs from spencer gifts but they make too much noise you'd be in the middle of a podcast

yeah they probably make them say no they're not quiet I mean they're they're fairly quiet if we get those water massagers where you like lay in and your head just sticks out fuck those things are ridiculous you have to have like an engine that pushes all that water around doesn't it like a pump I don't know it must be must be loud as fuck how could it not be it's a mechanical thing something spinning around a lot of movement you know you're forcing all that water through yeah but i think um they uh they have some other chairs that are like these gravity chairs that lean back but i think they're like more than a

thousand bucks each there's um there's got to be something that's like a decent chair that's like comfortable i don't know if office chairs are the way to go i i love these chairs you think they're the way these chairs are really good it seems like office chairs owe for the most support right i think office chairs are the way to go i never i mean couches and other kind of chairs always seem like i've tried almost everything you know we started off uh with couch yeah i think we started off with the couch that was that was super whack yeah uh then we had some other couch seems like it would work but then it's annoying to sit on the couch. You know what would be the best? I mean, the ultimate best.

We all had Lazy Boys. That is the ultimate, right? Dude, have you been to a Lazy Boy store? They've done a lot of good shit with Lazy Boy. Would that really be the best? Fuck yeah. We could all have Lazy Boy. We all have a laptop right on our lap.

Fucking on the side, we have our fucking little places for our drinks. We could easily do that. Dude, if we're going to do it, we might as well be most comfortable. How much does a Lazy Boy cost? Not much. Let's find out. Dude, Lazy Boy start off probably around $300 even. But, I mean, getting us some pimp Lazy Boy.

Dude, Lazy Boy makes some good couches and everything now. Lazy Boy, wow, $2,584. Go to the Lazy Boy store. Dude, look at that shit. No, no, not that. That's old school Lazy Boy. I think it's LazyBoy.com. Yeah, I'm there.

I'm there at LazyBoy.com. It's L-A-Z-Boy.com. If you just got a regular Lazy lazy boy it takes you to that one too and um check out these recliners that's what you want their sites their site's getting crushed i wonder if it's us two people at once was too much two people two people and everybody else online was like yeah let me open up a separate window here and see what they got. So these recline, all these recline. Lazy boy

recliner. Okay, how much is this bitch right here? Let's see. This is in cloth. Should it be cloth or leather? Leather, boo. Leather, boo. Fuck cows, right? By the way, all you silly bitches on my website forum that really think that I'm, when I say fuck all the animals, that I really want all the animals to die.

I'm talking shit, folks. Did you ever talk shit? Damn, this website. This website sucks a bag of dicks. It's only meant for modems. Yeah, this website is fucking terrible. It's terrible. They show their stupid things and it's like, add to my favorites.

It doesn't tell you about them. Show me your chairs, you fuckheads. It's a sucky website, lazy boy. Your website blows. Dude, get off your ass and get a new website. Fix it. All the guys are lazy there.

They're just too comfortable to do anything. You want to be the official chair of death squad west you fuckheads you have to come up with uh some something better than this well they have some good products they look good yeah but the website sucks so hard it's hard to look at them lazy boys listening you think that's people listening to the podcast they're doing that i'm dude yeah i mean three thousand people or so just go right to lazy boy calm at the same time it probably is I'm gonna type in pimp lazy boy oh you know there's one I want ostrich skin

because ostriches are cunts cunty birds whoa these are dope dude my pimped out low okay I just found it look at this son look at this look at this yeah if we all got those yeah you can have like a little fucking hose just so you could smoke weed what you know yeah beside it that lazy Rialto lazy boy double recliner review ooh son that might not be a bad idea. Yeah, and maybe have the table where it comes, like we can just pull the table out or something. It's $1,200 for the regular ones and then $1,900 for the ones that are in leather.

And that thing looks pretty fucking sporty. Dude, Lazy Boys and maybe have... Wouldn't that be annoying though after like a couple of hours would it would it would it get annoying laying down that'd be awesome you think so yeah dude lazy boys are just like this when you lay back but just imagine more comfortable you have your feet up like a gentleman you think that that would be a good thing for podcast seats though it would suck if i got five lazy boys then we decided it blows well we and you can't just have one if it was just like me with a lazy boy and everybody

else's regular chair fucking dick invite me over your place and sit me in a fucking staples fifty dollar office chair well you got some crazy lazy boys suck we just moved the death squad east or whatever it's called well this one this one yeah death squad east it's east this one is um 450 bucks that's not bad that's a cloth one with like sides to it looks pretty i think the only thing that we might run into is like people falling asleep if it gets boring oh those bitches they could right especially stoners that could be the issue yeah but i mean just if you if you had to ask would i rather sit down for three hours uh with your feet up and comfortable or bouncing on this office chair

you know yeah you want to i mean if we wanted beds we could get single beds each have a single bed we just all lay there dude that's the move no you lazy bitch we should stand we all have our own little blankets we bring our own pillow it'll be like nap time where we have our little blankets a little blankie and each person can have their own quilt that that that you know fans make and we have like the red band quilt so we could have conversations like at camp yeah you're lying in bed and the lights go out hey you guys really think ghosts are real yeah or we get the one where we each have our own fucking number what's a tempur-pedic where we have no the blow one the air one whatever the

fuck it is they're fucking cunty the ones suck the one where your back goes up yeah those those the tempur-pedics are the ones the foam the phone. That's the good stuff. The ones that blow the air in it, like you can get it harder or softer, depending on what your number is. Those suck. I had one of those. It sucks. Well, just get one of the hospital bed ones where we can put it up, and we're in a hospital room.

Dude, that would be the cumulative. If we all had hospital beds, and we had oxygen just going pumped into us while we're all laying there talking yeah they um this uh website is going to keep me from buying a lazy boy no you need to go to a lazy boy uh uh store i think there's one here in uh thousand oaks really something like that maybe we get some sort of a deal with lazy boy well if you're listening to this boy contact us we'll talk about you we'll get you back into the we'll blow you back up we'll get you next we'll get a real website designer to call you yeah call at you this sack of you got going on here where you don't even you guys you silly you don't even have prices like there's no prices on your website right

what kind of nonsense is that store locator store locator what there's a website and you can't buy from your website that's ridiculous oh it's probably because of shipping that's 2000 that's so 2003. yeah well you can't even ship kettlebells without being a headache imagine if having shipping big old lazy boys well we can ship kettlebells without it being a headache it's just a pain in the ass but there's other there's there's countries cost a lot of money but there's uh there's companies rather that that ship big stuff like uh that creates companies yeah like restoration hardware you know they send couches in the mail all the time not in the drop ship they deliver i wonder if amazon has lazy boards they have everything now amazon does not have lazy boys. Yep, they do.

What? From a different seller. Let's see how much shipping is for a lazy boy. Whoa. Okay, I found it, dude. When you go to Amazon, look at this. Sweat this right here. This professional high back leather lazy boy.

Look at this. This is what we need. Dude. Yeah, but there's no there's no foot leg support that's the thing we get those we get separate leg supports yeah that's not the same no you get a nice-ass fat lazy boy so this one has a leg support look at that well thank you that's not the same thing I'm talking about the one where you like you know the thing comes out of the bottom of the chair and you're like pretty much laying down yeah it's just a bomb yeah they do boy recliner that's

what it's called yeah that's you really do have to get a recliner huh yeah yeah you can't fuck around this is pretty sick though this lazy board chair the presidential high back swivel chair that looks pretty sporty like that looks cool too that would be like a cool chair to have in there it's a thousand bucks man you look at the look this one's not a lazy boy but if you go look at this one it's called the wickenburg bonded leather rocker recliner and brown where it's just a big old puffy lazy boy chair that looks comfortable as that looks like something you sit in before you suck a let me just bill i don't even know what that means

i like which one is that that's called that oh look at this one coaster few coaster furniture tri-tone burgundy top grain leather recliner that that right there man oh it's only got three stars though this recliner comes with aids climbing it in china um if you if you had lazy boy recliners though do you think that it would change the overall tone of a podcast and make people like too like comfortable lethargic man we keep the receipt Joey Diaz would fall asleep man well but let Joey Diaz put his feet up listen dog yes you blame more one fucking Penn and teller thing pet fuck Penn and teller never how angry he got when we played Penn Jillette's rant what he wasted my time here for like

he was angry why you letting somebody talk besides me? I'm the fat guy around here Um, I can't find There's some pretty good ones It seems like that might be an option but we have to find a place where we can sit in one of these things That's funny. It was one place that that chair I looked at it was 900 bucks in this place the same chair lazy boy presidential chair 1500 $1,500. Bed and pillows. Bed and pillows, you think?

Just get a huge fucking bed, wall to wall. We all lay down like hippies. And we all have our own little beanbag pillows and stuff. And we can bring blankets. I don't think that's the move. Like rave style. I think this is the move. I think this high back presidential office chair is the move. I think this high-back presidential office chair

is the move. That looks so sick. How about 12-person hot tub? Dude, but this looks so sick. This presidential chair looks so dope. It looks comfortable and a whole studio filled with them, I think that's the perfect compromise. See, that doesn't look comfortable to me.

That looks super uncomfortable. It looks like one of those stiff chairs where you have to you can't recline back yeah you can yeah it reclines it's leans back yeah oh I see what you're saying yeah it doesn't fold at the at the joint yeah yeah you lean back lean back I don't know. I'm partial to this. I need to try this out somewhere. I think we just need one of the silver bullet trailers, and we pimp that motherfucker out,

and then we could have the fucking studio anywhere the fuck we want. Well, we could have a mobile studio. It's not a bad idea to also have. Why not just have one of that? Well, because it's not enough space. No. Have you seen the big ones? They're huge.

The silver, what are they? The Airstream trailers look at this mother look at this go go to airstream.com we could completely give up the idea of of a studio and just get a trailer look at these fucking trailers these things are fucking amazing and you can have this anywhere you want to go like if you want to go to fucking San Diego, if you want to fucking. I do like the idea of having something you could bring with you, like something that you could tow with you. But really, if we were going to do that, why would we get a studio? We could get a studio bus.

The right way to do it is to have like one of those mobile home things. Not a mobile home. One of those called RVs where people travel across the country in those big things. Not a mobile home. What are those called? RVs where people travel across the country in those big trucks. Look at that motherfucker. That's pretty dope, but it doesn't have a car part. You know what I'm saying? That's why we get a sweet car to add to it.

Yeah, I guess. How big is the inside of that thing? Dude, it's humongous. They have all different sizes. They have sizes that people live in these things. Right, but how much does one of those cost? Look at these floor plans. Wow, these are pretty fucking huge. Dude.

The dope move would be, dude, to get one of these as a travel thing and then we go on a tour. We go, like, we start in Seattle and we go down Seattle, San Francisco, or Seattle, Portland. Come on. You could fucking pimp this bitch out. Like, or Seattle, Portland. Come on. You could fucking pimp this bitch out.

Look at this shit. You could pimp this shit. That could be our podcast studio. Yeah, the whole studio. If we gutted this whole thing out, we've got it all soundproof, got it high tech. I know companies that actually do that. Can you imagine, though, if you got a car accident

while you're podcasting, how bad that would suck? And who's going to drive? All our friends are assholes. Dude, we get your fucking driver dude, the guy that buys all the cds you get that guy hit that guy might not be a bad idea i mean and and we can just go anywhere so fuck like oh well you have a show at the hollywood improv you fucking park this thing right in front that would be pretty dope yeah you grab people i mean that's like having a studio anywhere you go. But these things, they're towed. What you really want is one with a steering wheel that drives.

Right, you just get your touring coach. The thing about this, though, is if you get towed, if you have one of those that gets towed, then you don't even talk to the guy that's driving. He's just taking you there. You're completely closed off in a whole other area. So you don't have to hear him on the phone, have to hear him yelling and rushing. That what I'm talking yeah big-ass yeah

drug-ass one they have ones we're looking at one that says the Mercedes Bend one was that call that's called a Avenue or interstate touring coach by Airstream and they also have one called the interstate which looks like Airstream's on the same server as your maybe it's just huge yeah and i mean this shit's like a fucking house yeah i need it maybe i should just buy one and there's a smaller one how much are these things there's a smaller one you could live in dude like that that's a van basically you'd be like you'd be the creepy van guy yeah that's not bad dude because I'm only at home. I just need to put my animals somewhere.

Maybe I could get one of those. You don't want to live in a van. Why not? You're ready to give up on life. I'm never home. I'm home just to sleep. Well, you should get a secured apartment somewhere. Some safe place where...

I just have too many animals for that oh yeah you can't get apartments beyond help if anyone in l.a wants a cat i got one for you don't give away your cat it was one cat that i need to get away with the old one right yeah the old one that's rude it's just it just doesn't want to be around anybody you brought a dog and another cat involved i know it hates those mixed up the the cat the cat's life well the other two are a like buddy cop movie and they they're cool. Yeah, they're cool together They love each other and this one's just like I hate you guys get away happens those old cats They don't like new guys want to make it a helicopter and be done with it. Why?

One cat I have one cat that's 15 and one cat that's two. I love both of them though. You have good cats Yeah, nice. Can't both cool, but the the two-year-old Fox with a 15 year old relentlessly 15 and one cat that's two i love both of them though you have good cats yeah nice cats they're both cool but the the two-year-old fucks with the 15 year old relentlessly yeah she's always you need a small dad for that cat the small dog will take care of it well buddy buddy nice cat no by the way don't ever bring your fucking dog over here because my whole family would go crazy for it all the girls oh my god it's so cute oh my god i'm going to bring it over next time i'm gonna get a nice haircut get some bows bring it over if you did it would be gone if you want to get rid of it oh sure i really would all right well there we go i could probably take it if you really want yeah the

girls would go nuts because your dog is so friendly and she's so small my daughters will go crazy how old is your dog a year and a half but it's got herpes from your ex-girlfriend, right? No. I sucked all the herpes right out of that dog. Fucking cleaned a bullet out of that piece of wood. The show has deteriorated drastically ever since we came back.

Sorry about the shit going down earlier, ladies and gentlemen. We're really going to have to fix our issues here. But Dead Squad West should, ladies and gentlemen. We're really going to have to fix our issues here. But Death Squad West should be up and cracking. I'm trying to get it done. We're in June.

I want to get it done before July. We're trying to figure out whether or not we're going to do a big Vegas show at the Mandalay Bay in July. If we do do it, it will be full Death Squad Ari and Joeyey hopefully um and brian will come down too and maybe even doug benson because uh i think doug's playing poker down then so he because he just asked for uh tickets the other day

and oh i'm supposed to come down i'm doing doug's uh podcast in vegas i think that's the same weekend yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and let's stay for an extra day to do Doug's shit. All right, we might do that. I can't stay an extra day, but we'll get things cracking. All right, let's get the fuck out of here. Let's wrap this bitch up. So tomorrow night, the Ice House Comedy Club, the second stage, which is only 85 seats. If you've never been there for those shows, it's the most intimate and I got some new

shit I'm trying to work out on. And I'm going to do some question and answer, too, just in an effort to try to come up with some new shit. This is the period of time for me where it's the most nerve-wracking and chaotic because I'm just fucking around and writing a lot. But it's really fun, and one of the funnest things about it is doing these Ice House shows because the crowds are so cool. It's the perfect environment One of the funnest things about it is doing these ice house shows. The crowds are so cool. It's the perfect environment to fuck around and practice and try to stretch out and come up with new stuff.

Everybody's really enjoying them. We're going to do them on a regular basis, folks. Most likely Wednesday of every week. A lot of them are Friday. I'm not going to be at all the Friday ones, but I'm going to be at most of the Wednesday ones. That's it. We're rolling bitches We got more coming Tomorrow

We're off because you got something going on I'm going to E3 but then we have the Ice House Chronicles Tomorrow night The podcast will start at 8 The show is at 8.30 Icehousecomedy.com Thursday is not John Anthony West. John Anthony West has been moved to Friday.

Thursday is now Uriah Faber. So Thursday, Uriah has a really short schedule and he's in town and he's going to do it live. John Anthony West is going to do it through Skype. It's going to be our first Skype podcast. Video or just audio? Video and audio. So he's going to show us pictures and tell us things.

So it'll be a little weird for the folks that are just listening, but we'll explain it as best we can. And if you don't know who John Anthony West is, he's one of my personal heroes. He's an Egyptologist, a fascinating, brilliant guy who is the producer of a video series called Magical Egypt, which is one of the most comprehensive video series on ancient Egypt and especially the hidden symbolism

involved in hieroglyphs and, and the, the, the construction of their, their, uh, their, their pyramids and their, their temples and all their different things. I mean, really amazing, amazing stuff that I, I can't stress enough how pumped I am to talk to this guy. Uh, cause he's, uh, just, uh, an incredible source of information when it comes to Egypt to this guy because he's just an incredible source of information when it comes to Egypt. The guy's been involved in studying it his entire life and he's got just some brilliant work out there. Can't wait to talk to that dude. So that's

Uriah Faber on Thursday. John Anthony West is going to be on Friday and I think we've got someone on Saturday, dude. Saturday? Yeah, I think something's going on on Saturday. May or may not be happening on Saturday. Like someone who couldn't do it any other day.

I'll let you know as soon as we get out of this podcast. I'm not sure what the fuck I'm talking about here. I don't even know what I'm saying. That Sledgellene stuff, I'm not sure about this. Might be ruining me. Sledgellene and AlphaBrain together are battling for dominance. Thank you, everybody, tuning in to the podcast. Thanks to everybody who

came to Edmonton this past weekend. Ari and I had a great fucking time. Like I said before, I appreciate the fuck out of it and there's not a moment where I'm taking any of this for granted. We're going to keep this bitch rolling. Thanks to the Fleshlight for sponsoring

our podcast. Go to JoeRogan.net. Click on the link for the Fleshlight. Enter in the code name Rogan and save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men. Thank you also to Onnit.com, makers of Alpha Brain, Shroom Tech Sport, Shroom Tech Immune, and New Mood. We will have kettlebells and protein powder made out of hemp and raw cocoa and maca coming soon. And got a lot of good stuff on the horizon. And that's all for today, you dirty bitches. So we'll see you on Thursday with Uriah Faber.

And then Friday will be John Anthony West. Today, if you're wondering if you're somewhere in the future and you have just stumbled upon this podcast, it is June 5 5th 2012 would have been better if i said 2000 without slurring 2012 all right that's it buy a death squad shirt go buy a death squad shirt go to death squad.tv and we got a mike maxwell death squad shirt a new one that's coming out it's fucking dope it's a chimp with a gas mask on it. It says Death Squad Department of Health and Welfare. Love it. Excellent. We're also going to have those

t-shirts that Maxwell made, or excuse me, those posters that Maxwell made for Chicago and Atlanta. We're going to turn those into t-shirts because so many people have been requesting them. And they're really cool posters and it's available on MikeMaxwellArt.com Mike will also be there tomorrow night

He's coming down to to the ice house, so that's it you freaks We love you We're all in this together All of us as unlike these it seems although it makes no sense We are all part of something much greater than ourselves one big giant fucking soup of things spinning around