The Joe Rogan Experience - #2276 - Felipe Esparza
Episode Date: February 21, 2025Felipe Esparza is a standup comic, actor, and host of the podcast "What's Up Fool?" Watch his new special "Raging Fool" only on Netflix. www.felipesworld.com Save $20 on your first subscription of ...AG1 at drinkag1.com/joerogan This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Get working on a better you with therapy. Visit BetterHelp.com/JRE today to get 10% off your first month. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The Joe Rogan Experience.
Good to see you my friend.
It's been too long.
What's up fool?
Good to see you too.
When was the last time I saw you brother?
It was like five years ago or something.
Five years ago?
And I did the show here when you were in LA?
Yeah. At the warehouse. Damn that's
what I miss most about the store is you know traveling dudes we'd meet up we'd
meet up at the home base. Yes and when I was a young comic I would see like
older comics like that I would see on television they were just coming out at
that bar or the patio refresh
Yeah, you pass by you see oh, yeah, that's um
City hall
I used to see her at Dodger Stadium when I were working at Dodger Stadium
And I would ask her for advice and she was just just you know, like well every come back back. They just keep writing
She's a funny comic. Yeah, she was a funny comic
Who's that lady that was on?
Curb your enthusiasm. She's very funny too old-school comic
I'm very embarrassed that I forgot her name. She hasn't done comedy in a long time. Look that up
Yes, Susie Esmond. Oh, Suzie Esman de Estandard?
Yes, oh she was great.
Oh.
She was really funny.
I middled for her once.
In like fucking 1989 or some shit.
Way back in the day, my friend.
Who you middled for, that lady?
Wow.
Yeah, yeah.
I forgot, someplace on Long Island.
I can't, might've been like governors or something like that.
I don't, I do not remember, but I remember she was very nice. She was very funny. Very nice. Very encouraging
Which is the the best man when you get to work with some of that you see on television and you just like start now
And then nice to you. That's so valuable. I can't believe it. Like what I what I want is
Yes, there she is. Whoa
She's like Elaine from Seinfeld
Yeah, similar, but that's the haircut back then, huh?
Yeah, well they all have the other lady here. Everybody lost their mind in the 80s. Ali Lieberman
Yeah, they all they all lost their mind back then because like from the 70s to the 80s
Nobody knew how to dress they did crazy shit with their hair. She's going over her set
Yeah, they would all tease their hair out. It was crazy.
There was like a big hair thing.
I think it was when people started doing cocaine.
That's what I think.
I think it was the 80s was Miami Vice and cocaine.
Everybody lost their mind.
They lost their fashion sense.
People started to wear wacky clothes.
Cars started looking like shit.
Yeah, man, like the Saab, the Pinto.
Bro, cars just started looking like shit.
I mean, if you want an objective analysis
of what happens to a society, when
they remove marijuana and mushrooms
and then they bring in cocaine, it's like the fucking.
Hey, you know what, it's called Ford Fiesta.
Yeah.
Because we were Fiesta yesterday. But cocaine brought us Sam Kinison, too, you know what it's gonna call Ford Fiesta. Yeah, cuz we were Fiesta yesterday
But cocaine brought a Sam Kinnison to though you have to real cocaine's done some good
You think you did a lot a lot a lot? No, no, it's like it's terrible for everybody who does it
But I do think that there's moments of inspired
Creativity from all kinds of substances, especially that
rock and roll cocaine that they used to get, where it was just real pure cocaine, it wasn't
stepped on, it didn't have amphetamines and fentanyl in it, all kinds of other shit.
Good shit, not all the stuff you buy like in Grand Rapids, Iowa.
And I should say this as a person who's never tried cocaine.
Never?
Never.
Never tried cocaine.
Don't be lying.
No, I would not lie. Never? No, never. No, I would not lie never no never no I got real lucky when I was in high school
I had a buddy mine his cousin started selling it and he was a great guy and I watched this dude kind of like
Shrink into himself and lost a ton of weight and him and his girlfriend just they had this attic apartment
And they would just hang out and do coke and sell coke
And they would just like watch TV and do coke and it was It was like they got bit by a vampire man. I was scared the shit out of me
I was afraid of cocaine man because when I started stand up like I started standing back in
94 93 and I open mic and I was clean. I was sober
I was a year I was in rehab and I wanted to be a comedian
Someone's a library to learn about writing,
Jean Perrette, comedy writing, step by step.
Another book called How to Write Funny, Be Funny,
and Make Money Being Funny.
And that was a real great book, bro.
I mean, it had comedy clubs locations in the back
and it had booker numbers to submit your comedy.
Yeah well remember the Comedy USA industry guide?
$100.
Yeah.
Can you believe that shit?
I remember dudes used to take out full page ads, that's how you knew they were killing
it.
When a dude would take out a full page ad in the Comedy USA industry guide, I'm like wow
he's got a full page ad in the Comedy USA industry. I'm like, wow, he's got a full page ad.
I remember, bro, when I was looking for gigs in like 2000,
right, and I remember this comedian named Shang
and Dante, comedian Dante.
Yeah, I remember those guys.
Those guys had a list, a five page list
of Comedy Booker's names, NACA numbers to call, and the back of the page was shitty bookers to avoid.
And they had to sell it to the comics for like 75 bucks.
Wow.
I got lucky that I was in Boston, and Boston had, that was like the boom happened in Boston when
like Steven Wright got on Tonight Show everybody found out about Boston but it
was already this like crazy community there's a great documentary called when
stand-up stood out you had the guy on the show here yeah I've had a few guys
on the show like a Chinese restaurant yes yeah yeah yeah Don Gavin yes one of
those guys Steve Sweeney, legends.
I still say to this day, they're some of the best comics
I've ever seen in my life.
I've seen that murder harder than anybody
I've ever seen in my life.
But it was just very regional, very local.
And a lot of it didn't translate nationally for some reason.
Like Steve Sweeney in Boston, in front of of a Boston audience is the funniest guy that's ever lived
And I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating. He would get like Boston accents and Boston attitudes
It would be all big part of his act and dude. It was murderous
If you had a follow that you were fucked you were fucked man, and they would do that to dudes from out of town
It was the most ruthless cruel shit
They would do it at Nick's Comedy Stop. They would take these
assassins these local assassins and stack them one after the other it would be Kenny Rogers and Don Gavin
Steve Sweeney, and then they throw up some headliner and this poor headliner is used to soft axe on the road
He's used to being known for the guy who was on television. Hey folks, you know, so I'm Mike
You know the sitcom and they try to do stand-up, but just they were getting eaten alive
He's talking about nuggets. So I think the guys were up there all coked out. Oh, yeah, they were in the crowd
There were wild boys too. They were big like football player sized, wild,
crazy drinkers and partiers and they were funny man. And so because there was this like
love of comedy in Boston, they had all these comedy nights all over the place where you
could make a living. So you could be like a half-assed comedian like I was and you know,
you can make 500 bucks a week just hustling just moving around and that's what we all did
So there was so many places that you could work and so many like little booking agents and like like Western
Massachusetts you have to go out there like you know like there's these weird towns that are like
Liberal hideouts, you know what I mean? Like yeah Like Amherst, you'd get like Amherst gigs.
It was weird, like Amherst, Massachusetts.
The other place that you gotta be from there
to pronounce it right.
Which one is that?
The one that's the uniform, the steak sauce.
Oh, Worcester.
Worcester.
Yeah.
Yeah, it looks weird.
2010, I was doing last comic standing there
and I got there a day early
and I hung out with a Boston comic.
I think his uncle is that guy they caught
that was missing in action, the Irish gangster.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
David Boser is the comedian.
Yeah, and he was, I said, yeah, man,
we're performing Worcester, sir.
And then he took the joint and he goes,
no bro, it's Worcester, okay.
Thank you for telling me, bro.
Yeah, you don't wanna say, hey Worcester, sir.
Nice to be here, they would fucking kill you.
They're like, that's where the great Doug Stanhope is from.
Yeah, Worcester.
Doug Stanhope started in Worcester.
I love him.
He's the best.
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I had a first comedy album,
the one he did with Roaring or something.
Mm-hmm, the one we did with music in the background?
Yeah.
That was great.
That's a great album.
There was a place like that, a Boston place,
but not in a documentary, but Will Durst, he's a Francisco comedian.
He had a room like that called the Comedy Zoo,
or the zoo.
Holy City Zoo, right?
Holy City Zoo.
Yeah.
And there's a comedian that came out of there
that's a killer comic and he's still alive,
and he opened for me, and he opened for Rob Schneider
and Papa, and he opened up for a lot of people. Larry Bubbles Brown.
Oh cool.
And he's an old school guy. After every show he goes, mer. Mer. But he did Letterman in
1992 and then he did it again in 2006. So he has a record for doing Letterman between
30 years.
Wow.
But he won a lot of comments that like never left San Francisco.
There's a few of those guys that got trapped like that.
Yes.
That were like really good guys.
Remember that one guy in Chicago?
Fuck.
What was his?
Larry...
Larry Reeb?
Larry Reeb.
Remember Larry Reeb?
He was a guy like that.
Like a really solid national act, but it was so Chicago, it kind of stayed around there
mostly.
It was like every now and then you'd find towns like that.
You had like one murderer that lived in the town.
Bob Marley in New England.
Yeah, yeah.
Bob Marley was the murderer of Maine.
And Robert Schiml was Arizona.
I love Robert Schiml, man.
Yeah, he was the best.
He was the best. He was such a good guy
But he was he lived in Phoenix and it was somewhere in that area
I think it was Phoenix
But for him it was like it was easier to get around the country that way and he didn't want to be a part of
He was like one of the first guys that I was like
Oh
You could like be a big-time comic and not have to leave your state
But you get to a point where you can live in Oklahoma like Larry the Cable Guy does probably
Where does he live he lives in like somewhere like Georgia or something like that? I don't know in the country where's he live?
Is that where he lives though? I don't want to give up is it I'm not trying to dock so it's from music on the radio
There but I think yeah, he's definitely from there
I just don't know if he lives there. Probably shouldn't say where he lives.
But that dude is, he could be anywhere.
It doesn't matter.
You could just go anywhere.
I used to see his face when I go to a Paso comic strip
and all those dudes you're talking about,
they were all there.
Dude, I remember Josh Wolfe showed me a picture
that he took when he was on stage
and they were doing, it was like 60,000 people. So Larry the C were doing it was like 60,000 people so Larry
the cable guy was doing like 60,000 Josh Wolf got his camera and he's like
moving around on stage like that is the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen
that crowd is so insane that's how big that guy got thousand people man and he
was another dude that got hated on for no reason other than his success
It was like for some reason everybody couldn't believe that you could say offensive things as a joke
in a character all the sudden and it had so
Coincidentally happened at the same time as him getting super huge. It's like you guys
Happened at the same time as him getting super huge. It's like you guys
That's crazy how when they start hating the the character but not the person well, that's the dice thing Yeah, right just like the guy with that they have that puppet in New York. Oh, I don't George
Yeah, where Gerardo when I open for him back in a day back in Addison improv
He told me that um, he would say the nastiest shit
at that puppet and this lady threw shit at the puppet,
but not at Otto.
Bro, we were talking about it Tuesday night
in the green room.
We were talking about how that puppet was kind of possessed.
And I'm not even bullshitting.
You know, Otto was out there.
Otto was out there.
I mean, he was out there. Everybody, Otto was out there. I mean he was out there everybody
I mean that dude party he went hard and he was a genius comedian
But he would get rides to gigs and say pull over I got a check on George
And he would in the fucking side of the highway. He would pull over pop the trunk and
Check on the dummy Wow his buddy
Weird weird weird someone's bro someone stabbed that dummy once yeah danger fields
Some Puerto Rican guy who said the dummy was saying Puerto Rican jokes to this guy
Stab the dummy stab the knife or a sharp bed spring?
A fucking knife!
Or a sharp bed spring, bro.
Something, anything. Whatever you got that you polished down to a point.
You ever watched The Fabulous Mrs. Maisel?
What's that?
The Fabulous Mrs. Maisel is about a female comic growing up in the 50s on Amazon.
No! Oh, Fabulous Mrs. Maisel.
Mrs. Maisel. Oh, she's Mrsrs. All right I'm in a single saying
something in Spanish that's hilarious you're seeing my see my see all that's
hilarious I literally thought you were set talking about a completely different
show remember the ventriloquist that did it like a one minute set yeah well so
like ventriloquist now it's like
It's one of those things like with carrot top
He's like so successful props that no one does props anymore. But when we first started out
Everybody did props there was like ten guys on a lineup of 20 guys that have props They bring with them on stage because sometimes it was really funny.
Rusty Dooley.
Yeah, Rusty Dooley was great at it.
But it's like he owned that for whatever reason because Carrot Top got so big using props,
he's the only guy that still does it, that he kind of owns that.
And then with Jeff Dunham, he got so big at being a ventriloquist.
There's no ventriloquist anymore.
We were kids, there was always comedy ventriloquist anymore. Like when we were kids there was always
Comedy ventriloquist there was like Willie Tyler and Lester. Yeah Remember there's like it was it was a fun thing
You get the dummy to say fucked up shit and then you go
I can't believe you could say that in front of these nice people and then George be like fuck these people
You tell everybody suck his cock. It was like it was crazy
people. He tells everybody to suck his cock. It was crazy. In other words, Woody Woody and the Hood. Yeah. But with Otto and George it was a
little different, man, because I think George, I think Otto believed that George
was alive. I think Otto believed there was something about George that was
different than him. Like he was not Otto and George. He was just Otto.
And George only existed when George was there. And it seemed like there was something going
on with that. And it might be just because he fucking fried his brain to the point where
he was connecting with, you know, all kinds of energy that wasn't even there. You know,
he might have been out. He was out there. He was out there. But the combination.
I want to smoke crack together.
You wanted to smoke crack together?
Yeah, he probably made George smoke it.
Yeah, this famous Otto crack stories.
He was, that guy was gone, but he was also brilliant.
Really funny, man.
Fucking funny.
And we, in a comics comic, like we would all sit
in the back of the room to watch when he was on stage.
But so there's a lot of those guys that are like real genius, but they're real eccentric.
And for whatever reason, the general public doesn't find out about him.
There's not like a good vehicle, at least back then there wasn't, for them to get out
to the general public.
Like today, I would say an example of that is like Brian Holtzman.
Yes.
Right? Like Brian Holtzman. We've known forever
He's always been a guy we all watched he was always the guy that the end of the night
Especially if something fucked up happened like there was a plane crash
Like someone got eaten by a line
You mentioned a plane crash cuz I was there when it did that joke
I was on the back of the car comedy store. He said um
American Airlines is hiring.
And then he said, and I remember who survived that airline.
And he said, fuck that. Everybody says, how come they don't build a plane
out of the black box or simulate to the back box simulates to a fucking baby baby survived give me hold
that baby bitch on the way down yeah baby survived an airline at the flight
one time and he said oh I want to hold that baby I want to hold somebody baby
in an airplane just in case it goes down because there's a baby survived I'm
gonna survive you have to see him say it
Well, I don't think we're doing justice fucking it all up. My favorite one was when Susan Smith got arrested for drowning her kids
He goes I heard those were bad kids. I heard they sat that close to the TV
They didn't put away their blocks those kids will not be missed
The the fun thing about Brian is if you know him like in real life, he's
like the sweetest guy on earth. He's such a sweetheart of a guy, like super
friendly to everybody, loves everybody, like he doesn't even have an enemy. Like
Brian Holtzman has no enemies. He's always sweet and friendly and then he gets on
stage and it's like he becomes like his version of George. Yeah. I hung out with Brian Holtzman.
I hung out with Brian Holtzman and his mom
in San Antonio, Texas.
Oh wow.
Because we were doing the Latino laugh festival.
Oh wow.
And he was the only non-Latino on the show,
him and Darren Carter.
And bro, there was all Latinos, bro.
Everybody was getting shit.
Johnny Sanchez pronouncedces his name like
an American and somebody yelled out it's Sanchez fucker how did they say it I
don't know he said hello my name is Johnny Sanchez and then somebody said
no it's Sanchez with five A's Sanchez so he got heckled so he got heckled for
saying his name in a non-mexican way, and then Brian Holtzman goes up there.
Bro, it's rough out in those streets.
And Brian Holtzman goes up there, he said,
he goes, this is not a comedy show, close all the doors.
I went, I goes, border patrol's gonna come in here
and take everybody.
Ha ha ha ha.
And bro, this is after, this is after we were doing this taping, Mencia shows up, does a guest spot on our taping
and goes long, you know, really long.
You know like Jeff Valdes looking around.
So then that's when Barry Holston goes up and murders it.
He goes, man, I gotta figure out how to, how to, this immigration problem, man
We got a bunch of U-Haul trucks, U-Haul trucks. We go around to every Home Depot. We got these people. Yeah, we're hiring, bro
This is a lot of jobs, mucho trabajos. Come on, get in the trucks. We fucking take these trucks
We drop them off in Tijuana, Mexico
Yeah
He would, you have to see him say it.
He starts screaming his shit.
But it's also like he's playing this bizarre psychotic character that only comes out when
he's on stage.
He's the most different when he's on stage.
And he held his job too when he had a job.
Oh right, he always had a job.
That was the problem.
Blue collar guy.
That was the problem.
He never hit the road. He that was the problem. That was the problem. He never did he never hit the road He stuck around the store cuz he like I was saying there's not like a path for those guys
Like nobody wanted Brian Holtzman to open for them. That's too weird. No
His but belonged at the store and now he's found a crowd at the mothership. Mm-hmm
It shows that the mothership there's also doubt like he's hilarious people come to see him and
He didn't have a path before it was like there was like, you know, he's too weird to put on a television show
It's like it's like you got a you really want to be in the room. That's what it is
Yeah, this like if anybody is way funnier in the room
It's Brian Holtzman the the discomfort the weirdness and the way he works around it when you're in the room is so fun and every show is
Different every show is different and he's always talking about new things. He's like he mean it's really like he channels this fucking character
It's like he should be two different people
He should be Brian Holtzman the super nice guy and then whatever the fuck his name is when he's on stage
It's almost like he needs a second name Mitzi should have done that a long time ago
Mitzi used to call Joey fat baby do you remember those days yeah so what
someone has one of the lineups that they got from Jeff Scott and on the lineup
it's got everybody's name and then you know 15 minutes and it says fat baby
fat baby she wanted him to be called fat, baby
Weird advice sometimes man, the managers give you the terrible advice. Can't listen to any of them
I know man good advice
I was bummed out one time because you know you have to go back and forth back and forth
So they make you a regular. Mm-hmm, and I was trying at the laugh factory
At one time J Masada. He told me I don't see you making it man
For another six to eight years. Oh boy, and then when I finally got last company standing
I looked at him and said you're a chamber your vitals full of shit
It's a 12 not six
But I was bummed out when he told me that I was like bummed out
You know you get bummed out like realize you're putting all this work in and like,
you know, you can't be a regular here.
So you gotta go back to these other rooms.
I talked to Brad Williams and he said,
fuck that advice, bro.
You know what he told me?
He said, he told me that I should get all the little people
I can find in Hollywood.
All of them, all the little midgets,
all the little persons, and bring them to the lab factory.
And Jamie said, you can have the biggest little person show
in all of Hollywood.
That was his advice for Brad.
So I was not feeling so bad after that.
Then I talked to Alonzo Bowden, and he told Alonzo Bowden
that he should put on shoulder pads and be a football comic. So Joe, after hearing that, I didn't want
to cry anymore.
Oh my God. He had some terrible advice. I think it was, he was given advice, I think
it was he was given this advice to Todd Parker who was telling him it was either Todd Parker or Robbie
Prince two guys that I knew from Boston one of them he's telling him I think
it's Todd you've got to be generation X guy this is what you're going to be a
buddy you're going to be generation X guy so from generation X this is how I
see the world buddy like everything was as a generation X guy.
And he was like, that's the worst advice
I've ever heard in my life.
Why would I do that?
But people would have schemes for you.
But the thing is, they're just trying to help.
Yeah.
But no one knows how to do it other than you.
And you've got to figure it out.
No one can tell you.
Yeah, they're outdated, too. Who would have told Mitch Mitch Hedberg, wear sunglasses and sometimes turn your back to
the crowd?
No one.
No one. Mitch Hedberg would be killing with his back to the crowd high on heroin. All
non sequiturs for like an hour and a half.
They have stage fright?
He was just crazy, you know.
You worked with him? You met him?
I met him. I didn't know him well, but I knew him enough that it was a bummer when he died. I remember
I was with Stan Hope. We were filming something and we found out that he had gangrene. He
got admitted to a hospital. He had gangrene. You're like, yo, gangrene fucking kills people.
This is fucking scary. And he just had a problem. He just liked that heroin and
He didn't want to stop like people wanted to clean him up. He did not want to get cleaned up
It's like I am not interested. I think I were in one time, but I didn't show it up
I just smoked it, but I was in Amsterdam
Dude, it doesn't seem like anybody has a great old time with the rest of their life once they start doing heroin.
It's like cocaine.
It's the same thing.
I think there's probably moments of brilliance that
have come out of heroin, though.
I definitely do when I think about 1960s music.
I think heroin and LSD affected a lot of rock and roll
in the 1960s, and cannabis for sure too
and probably mushrooms but you know the the thing that it always kills you like
everybody always it always ruins everything they all died young everybody
like but Morrison 27 Hendrix 27 although there is a wild conspiracy about Hendrix.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What you hear?
That he was killed by his manager.
The conspiracy, there was one of his bodyguards, right?
Is that what it was, Jamie, that wrote this book?
How did he die?
I think he died of his asphyxiation from throwing up, you know, which is one thing that can
happen to people that are doing drugs.
But the bodyguard, I believe this, don't hold me to this, but I believe the story was Hendrix was
going to leave his manager. His manager was mobbed up. His manager was like a scary guy.
And his manager is making a lot of money with Hendrix. Hendrix is trying to leave.
And he's got the rights to the Hendrix catalog and he kills Hendrix. Hendrix is trying to leave and he's got the rights
to the Hendrix catalog and he kills Hendrix. So his former roadie. So the thing that's
compelling about this is shortly after this, his girlfriend committed suicide, air quotes,
by being thrown off a roof. So they got rid of Hendrix and they got rid of his girlfriend,
if that's what really happened. So he was the benefactor, allegedly, of the guitarist's $2 million life
insurance policy. $2 million? Okay, worth around $1.2 million in 1970. According to
Wright, Jeffrey told him about the crime in 1971, a year after the 27-year-old Hendrix
was found
dead in a London hotel.
He said, I had to do it, Tappy.
Wright claims the manager said, you understand, don't you?
I had to do it.
You know damn well what I'm talking about.
We went around to his hotel room, got a handful of pills, stuffed them into his mouth, then
poured a few bottles of red wine deep into his windpipe. Hendricks was found dead
at the Samarkand Hotel on 18th of September 1970. The cause of death was recorded as
barbiturate intoxication and inhalation of vomit. I could still hear the conversation Wright wrote
of Jeffrey's confession. See the man I'd known for so much of my life his face pale
hand clutching at his glass in sudden rage Hendricks manager died in a plane crash in
73 so this guy's dead that supposedly did this listen man they did that back then they
were gangsters there was gangsters running everything if there was a lot of money to
be made scary people moved in and it became a real problem yeah my gangsters running everything. If there was a lot of money to be made, scary people moved
in and it became a real problem.
Yeah, man, gangsters own a lot of stuff that a lot of people wouldn't want to own, like
a gay club.
Uh huh, yeah.
Like in LA, they own all the gay clubs. They were not rated because they were paid.
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But if you wanna talk about something like that, like would a manager kill a client for
a life insurance policy?
Back then?
Yeah.
I read this.
They didn't even have DNA back then, man.
I read this, right?
This is like crazy, right?
My mom didn't like Elvis.
She liked the Beatles, right?
And I asked my mom, how come you don't like fucking Elvis?
He's badass, too.
Oh, because Elvis said that I'd rather sleep with have kids a dollar a Mexican
woman and I said wouldn't he say that and he goes he said it then I found out
later on when I went a rabbit hole pop up a bum it was a Colonel the Colonel
spread that the Colonel spread that cuz he wanted he wanted to keep him in America and not tour like anywhere the Colonel was an evil dude yeah that
that by the way that Tom Hanks performance is fucking fantastic in that
Elvis movie where he plays the Colonel yeah is you know when you see it like
you appreciate how a guy can really like become a different person like he
becomes this creepy manager guy,
this manipulative gambling creepy manager guy.
I mean, he's fucking genius, man.
It's so good.
Like you're really, you, that's what's crazy.
Like you forget that's Tom Hanks.
You're like, oh, but you really got a sense
of the relationship that Elvis had with this dude.
Cause those guys that get crazy, look, there's famous
and then there's Elvis
Famous in the 1960s and you don't even understand what that means. No one
understands what that means. And he was the first one to be like that. Imagine
that. I know man. Imagine walking into a room and just go, you want a kiss? And they
kiss. But just imagine, just try to navigate life as a human being and you're
literally the most desired person
to be around alive.
Like you can't walk down the street.
People scream and they cheer and they run at you.
Women faint, they cry,
and there's never been someone like that before.
That's what's crazy, because this is the first time
you've seen a guy on television,
and he's on television shaking his hips.
And so they go crazy. No one ever done that huh now
Now you never had a pop star on TV shaking his hips like he's fucking
Yeah, it's too much. It was they cover it up the first time
I think I'm not that love it did something where they were upset at him because they didn't know he was gonna do it
I think it was like I think he was actually gonna get fined in some places
Like you weren't allowed to shake your hips like that. Like this is how
Crazy being Elvis was badass
This is one video or picture of Elvis that I like besides the one you have here, you know the rested
when he's um
He's playing outside an outside event and he's wearing all black and he's fucking young as hell and a pop of door looking good
The blue other shiny like bro
And I'm 18 and there was no Elvis before Elvis. That's what's crazy
So he's like this one guy that becomes way more famous than any entertainer ever
And then he's got an evil manager and then he's doing pills and then just living in paranoia
And the whole world don't make any sense nothing makes any sense. They can't make any sense
You have no peers you have no one around you that's like you no one around you that can understand you and
You're being protected by some guy. Who's like siphoning money from you
He was doing shit little gigs right like who leave would do like a two hour show, then leave, go do another two hour show somewhere else.
Well I think he got into a financial bind, right?
Wasn't that a part of the movie?
And then he got that Vegas residency.
Bro, the Vegas residency is probably convenient
because you don't have to go anywhere.
You know, you know where you live,
you know where the gig is, like Carrot Top seems to like it,
but I don't think I could do that.
But a few musicians though, like Elvis, great.
Yeah, oh yeah.
But even, like comics can do it.
A lot of comics do it.
You know, it's, I just don't know about living in Vegas.
I lose my mind being in the same place
seven days a week, 14 shows. The people that live outside of Vegas love it though if you live like in like Henderson or some of those places like they're very
Very nice places, but it's still you're still connected to this place where people go to get psychotic
There's some weird energy about that. I listen. There's not a knock on Vegas. I love it
Look, I love New York City already fucking loves living in New York City. I can't live in New York City.
I can't handle all that. I gotta get the fuck away. Some people love it. You can use, everybody
can love everything, but it just seems like that. It's like Vegas is a uniquely crazy
place. People go there specifically like we're going to go to Vegas! It's like it's in the title of the state means craziness.
You went Vegas.
Every day, about like 50,000 people show up.
It's every day and then you got rodeos coming into town
and UFC fights coming into town and fucking concerts.
Raider fans.
It's a fucking wild ass town.
I love being there, I just don't know if I could live there
I just it seems like it's almost a little too crazy him through the whole this is Ed Sullivan show
1956 this is the only time this is the first time his hips show up on the screen
It's ten minutes into this yeah, he was wiggling his dick too much. That's all he was doing though. That's a lot Jamie
What do you mean? That's all he was doing it. That's offensive after this aired
They said they wouldn't air him from the waist down anymore.
Isn't that crazy?
But they obviously started going like, it's barely shown. It's so crazy.
Bro, he probably had it. Look, his big old dick keeps slapping at his jacket. That's what it is.
Look, if you see that side, back it up a little bit. That's what the problem is, Jamie.
Look at that jacket popping up and down from his big old Elvis dick. Look at it!
He didn't assemble with it.
Bro, he's making his jacket pop with his dick.
I'm with the sensors.
I'm with the sensors.
Of course he had a big dick.
He had everything.
He had everything.
He had voice, talent, beautiful.
You think he's going to have a little dick?
Hell no, man.
All those gifts.
How tall is he?
I don't know.
He's probably six feet tall.
21 years old there.
21?
What a kid, man!
Wow! How? How can you manage that? He's probably six feet. Oh one years old there 21 kid man
How can you navigate that at 21 years old it's him no man bro Tim and Michael Jackson These are the two case studies and people that got too famous
Sometimes I wonder man like how would I handle that much success at that early age. Bro, you wouldn't. I know, that's what I'm saying. Also, you wouldn't, you would go crazy, bro.
How about you?
Crazy, I would've gone crazy.
I would've been sitting with a big fucking cold sore.
Yeah, dude, I got lucky.
My fame ascent was a slow drip, you know, like over time.
Oh, bro.
It was a slow drip.
Mine was like the little mountain guy on The Price is Right.
Kiki-diki-ki, kiki-d kick it kick it then stop it along the way bunch of haters
fighting with all the comics coke here yeah hey ronan el compadre is too long
with joy Diaz
El compadre is the spot
64 years ago today more than 60 million people watched Elvis Presley perform on
the Ed Sullivan show
wow 60 million that's so crazy but perform on the Ed Sullivan show. Wow.
60 million!
That's so crazy!
But that's how it used to be, man.
And that's why losing control of that is so devastating to mainstream media.
That was what it was.
When I was a kid, there was three channels, dude.
There was NBC, ABC, and CBS, and that was it.
And then all of a sudden there was Fox, and we were crazy.
We got a whole other channel? You have local channels too though in your neighborhood?
Yeah, yeah, we definitely did especially yeah, we all had everyone has local channels
So you always had like the local NBC network, which you need though somebody got to play karate movies
Yeah, we didn't even have cable like it didn't exist
We have like you have to realize how nuts the world was when everything you watched on television was just television
That's all you ever saw like there's no cable. So you have four channels if you're
You felt so lucky to have that fourth channel. You got the Simpsons
Married with children came on that channel Fox changed the whole
In living color change the whole like feeling different channel
It's crazy that Fox is now connected to like conservative Republicans
Reporting their news, but it's like Fox when we were kids was married with children
It was you know it was like the renegade shows it was the Simpsons
It was you know there was a bunch of like fun shows that were on shows man
Living single yeah, but in living color to Living Single. Yeah, but In Living Color, to this day,
I say is one of, there's two of the greatest comments.
Saturday Night Live always gets it for longevity
because it's crazy they've been around so long.
STTV.
But for like pure funny, for me,
it's like In Living Color and Chappelle Show.
Yes.
And I feel like you don't get Chappelle Show
unless you have In Living Color first. I feel like it, I feel like you don't get chapelle show unless you have in living color first I feel like it there. I feel like in living color broke open the door for
Chaotic sketches that were like really funny man wildly offensive really funny to this day
Like there's a lot of shit on in living color that if you tried to do like in the height of wokeness like three or four years ago, bro
They would fucking call for your censorship. Yeah, they will come for you
Especially when David way is that they were doing men on film. There's an episode
Yep, the camera falls on David Wayne and he becomes heterosexual
The camera falls on Damon Wayne and he becomes heterosexual all of a sudden. And then David Langrillo starts touching him and he goes, man, get your ass away from me,
man.
That episode.
How about when he played Handyman?
He played a mentally retarded.
I love that one.
Oh my God.
That's my favorite movie.
Yeah, a handicapped superhero.
It was-
And he made a superhero movie about a handyman
He was flying at this
Dude this this show was
Wildly offensive, but so funny even fire marshal bill bro
I was just gonna bring that up. Let me tell you something.
That guy's fucking whole face is burned off.
Jesus Christ.
My daughter's a burn victim by the way.
That's harsh bro.
That's what you'll get.
Yeah.
It's wild that shows like that.
That one bro.
I had him this time.
Oh, way ahead.
Well so was that other movie.
We were just talking about that.
Ace Ventura.
Ace Ventura ace Ventura
Yeah, yes when you find out that she's a trans person and the dick comes out and everybody starts throwing up
First of all, I don't buy it even if she had it turned to that photo again
That's Sean Young, right? That's Sean Young. Yeah. Yeah when she was hot
So even if she had a dick, there's a lot of guys to be like listen
Nobody needs to know about that dick. Nobody's to know about that man. That dick is between you and me
And I remember one time happened to me brought just looked at it. We're watching big-ass skin tag. You got right there
skin tag
Who the skin tag Who
Yeah, all those shows like I mean, what are the other great sketch shows?
Mad TV had some bangers Matt TV. There's some bangers on Matt TV, but it's another show that's like a city TV
I was selling up kids in the hall kids in the hall kids in the hall was fantastic. That was great
You know, um, I was a Kids in the Hall fan, but
I didn't really start watching it, like really get into it until after I'd met Dave. Like
I didn't know much about Kids in the Hall. I knew it was funny. I knew everybody said
it was funny, but I don't think I'd ever even watched a sketch. And then I became friends
with Dave doing news radio. And then I started really getting into it. I was like, oh, that guy had a very unique,
or still does have a very, very unique sense of humor.
He rewrote like, I don't know what percentage,
40% of like the lines on news radio, like on the set,
rewrites things all the time.
And he was always like coming up
with a better way to do something.
It always had like a sense of like a pacing
is
That's a totally different thing man when you're making sketches
Like sketches a toll like to be able to do that and do a lot of like really funny scenarios that are unique
That's a very it's hard right the stand-up because we want to end it huh mm-hmm
Well, it's a totally different way of thinking
No, Gillian Keeves is another fantastic one that that to this day like the problem with that show is like it's got this amazing
Fan core fan base, but it doesn't it's way funnier than the amount of people that have seen it
It's way funnier, which is crazy because Shane Gillis is one of the biggest comics in the world.
Yes, he's funny as hell.
He's one of the biggest comics on Earth.
He's selling out arenas everywhere.
Yes.
But yet, people don't realize how good Gillian Keyes is.
It's like, there's the one where they do the OnlyFans dad.
It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed
in my fucking life.
It's so funny.
It's so funny and so crazy,
and because no one's telling them what to do, they're just doing's so funny. It's so funny and so crazy and because no one's telling them what
to do, they're just doing what's funny. And that's what got fucked up. There were so many
fucking nannies around everybody telling everybody what you can and can't say and so many subjects
you can and can't cover. You got to stay out of the way. Just like the managers in the
early days. They're telling you, you need braids yeah braids bro with beads and you talk about the beads when you're on stage
like what you're a suit shut the fuck up get out of here I mean what's that bro
they told me to wear a suit and I wear it and I saw Joe Diaz wearing a suit I said
bro you look ridiculous huh he was wearing a beanie I remember I call him
the Coca-Cola bear. He got mad
Suits are a weird move, but they're so they're sometimes fun. I've worn suits on stage before it makes you feel different
It does really feel like you're gonna like change your posture or now you just feel like
more of a motherfucking professional bitch Look at this and a well
Tailored suit is what you really want the kind like modern suits
You can move in them like they have like stretch to them
Which is different than you know when I when I was a kid I thought of suits
I thought of like you're handcuffed like you can't move good
Yeah, like you can't kick someone with fucking suit pants on you know you can't move well
No, I love all those I will see Johnny Carson his suits. Yeah, those two look tight as hell
Well, it's just they the fabric sucked back then if you especially if you're a bigger person
You know if you lift weights or something like that you have muscles
Everything's gonna be constricted and tight and all fucked up. It's not gonna fit good
So suits now if you get a good one like I got mine made by David August, they
do them for the UFC and I've had them make a bunch of suits for me, they're amazing.
They do it to your actual shape. So everything fits perfect.
I mean, I don't want to be funny to other guys, but you're announcing, you know, you're
a big muscle guy, but it doesn't look like you're coming out of that suit when you wear
it, it looks real good on you. Yes, because they make it to your shape, you know, it's real force matter about you. Just come on
They don't like fucking orangutan brother like like mr. Hyde
Well, you know a lot of those dudes are bigger than me anyway
There's a certain size that you get like if you put the rock in a suit, it still looks ridiculous
It's like what the fuck you made out of do
First time I met him backstage at the UFC and he had cowboy boots on right so he's
Yeah, he don't even seem like a real person like when you meet him in real life
You're like how what what the fuck are you he's like a superhero. Yeah, like you're seeing like a real-life superhero
And a super nice guy, man.
He came and worked out with us.
We all worked out.
Tony Hinchcliffe, Derek, Asan.
We all fucking lifted weights together, hung out, got in the sauna.
Shane Gillis.
We're all just chilling with the rock, working out with him.
Like no cameras, no nothing.
I was like, let's, fuck, we don't have to post this.
Let's just have some fun.
It's like, fuck yeah.
He was cool as shit. Cool as shit, man. Wow to put post this let's just have some fun. It's like fuck. Yeah, he was cool as shit
Cool as shit man. Wow amazing man. It was fun. I enjoyed talking to him
It's good guys in the airplane at the America Delta, and I saw Jason my more
Oh, he's another one, and I said a little too handsome for me. I just said what's up
No, I don't know how to meet people with
Weird people are they Jason I just like that Jason What's up? No, I don't know how to meet people. I always have weird people.
I'll say, Jason, just like that, Jason.
What's up?
And then I didn't know that we were sitting
almost close together on the airplane.
Then he saw me again, bro.
Then I said, what's up?
Then I felt like I creeped him out again, man.
And then my wife was recording him, bro, recording him.
But I was on my phone. He thought I was recording him, but
I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot.
I met him in a Whole Foods parking lot in Woodland Hills. I was going to pick up some groceries and he was there too.
I was like, what's up, man? How you doing? What's going on? We're talking.
I think that was before he did Conan, which I still say to this day, movie's not good like the Conan movie
It's kind of falls apart
But the way it looked was amazing and he played Conan and he's the perfect Conan like that's what Conan would have looked like
He wouldn't look like a bodybuilder no disrespect to our yeah, you looked amazing
But it's like Conan was just a big giant warrior and when he played that guy what was the guy played on Game of Thrones?
Crackle or something like that
Remember it was fucking incredible at that he played it like that's Conan man. Yeah, that's Conan someone needs to do a good
Conan the Barbarian movie go back and read the Robert E. Howard books. The books are great
It's this super depressed dude and like the 1930s the rights about
this barbarian yeah Khal Drago that's right we are two people get mistaken by
bro get a get a photo of him when he was Conan Jason Momoa as Conan but he was the
perfect Conan right there that's what Conan supposed to look like that's the
perfect Conan that's the Conan you believe is real that's a guy throwing a
sword around his whole life fighting off dragons he's not a bodybuilder no it's
like that that's what it looks like in the book like that's fucking Conan we're
identical that's code I mean someone the guy's still capable of playing this character someone please me I
Wish quentin tarantino was into Conan quentin if you're hearing me, please read the books
Quentin Tarantino doing Conan would be the most epic thing of all time
Could you imagine he would do it right or beast master if he was into it he would have to be into it
I have no idea if he's into it
If Christian might do it
somebody should they don't start with the the ending it'll be that the ending of the movie in the beginning and
Confused somebody should use us
The books are great man because it's it's all from the mind of this tortured depressed dude who winds up killing himself
It'll be the first time that you see a code that movie with everybody saying the n-word all word over
I don't think they had that word back then. I think if you want to do it, right? Don't make it don't make one up
I think if they really wanted to do it, right?
They should probably do it the way like Mel Gibson did apocalypto that was a bad-ass fucking movie
But you felt that movie right you but But you know what I'm saying?
Like hearing the people say it.
Hardcore.
And the same thing he did with The Passion of the Christ.
They spoke in the language, and it was all subtitles.
Like they spoke in the language, so you were transmitted exactly how these people were
sent.
You felt like it was real.
Like Apocalypto, you felt like it was real like apocalypto you felt like it was real like there was no English in that movie that it is a
blockbuster movie that is a wild action adventure movie that we were hardcore
man the passion of the Christ and there's something about being sucked
into hearing the actual language of the people that would be doing this that's
so much better than because like whenever they do like Game of Thrones or
something like that in another country also everybody has an
English accent yes that's how they do it instead of talking like an American you
can't talk like us because that would just throw people off so you have to
have something sort of a proper way of speaking. Kind of like the exorcist man like if the exorcist the devil
wouldn't have like an Irish accent it would have been totally different movie but but the Latin accent the whatever language Latin
Yeah, yeah
You don't even know what the language is, but you're fucking scared right it has to be exotic
You can't have the devil going hey you fucking piece of shit. I'm gonna fuck your eyeballs
You better get out of my garage. Yeah, you can't have the devil talking
Jerry Seinfeld I speak in absolutes. Yeah, you can't have the devil with a whiny voice
Or a Boston accent. That was the scariest thing about Mike Tyson is the antith voice
It's really voice that was so easy to make fun of and he fucking murdered everybody
It was almost like he was begging you to make fun of his voice
Dangerous dudes. Yeah, it was almost like he was begging you to make fun of his voice. Dangerous dudes. Yeah, it was almost like he was like begging you.
You're like you bro. You're like one of those guys.
You're like to someone who doesn't know you personally, you're like try me.
No, I'm not like that at all though. I'm real nice.
If I didn't know you and I started walking down the street and you're not Joe Rogan,
I'd be like, okay man, this guy's good fight. He's healthy stay away from him. I'm friendly
That's what we all need my friend. We need friend. But you've been fighting since day one, though. I
Was talking to the driver?
Rebel about when you gave me that solo pipe
Mm-hmm, and then um, you say stop using it because of you tain yeah, and I remember I was telling you that
The reason I call solo pike are you supposed to use it by yourself?
But I remember I told everybody you gave it to me and everybody wanted to hit it
But I got it back. It was fucking hot. Yeah, I remember those things. I try to stay like, I think if you're smoking a cigar,
like butane is the way to go, you know, you burn the end of it, but you don't want to like keep doing it.
You want to, I feel like a certain amount of this is a chemical, no matter what.
Look, that's a chemical. You only want so much of that.
You really should probably have matches if you're gonna smoke a cigar.
Matches?
Yeah, you should really probably have matches.
And I think if you're like a super cigar nerd, they do it even further.
They take cedar and they light cedar strips and they use that to light their cigar.
Those are super nerds.
Cedar strips?
What is that?
Cedar strips, dog.
Pieces of wood.
They light little strips of wood and they light from pure wood,
then they light their cigar.
This is super nerds when it comes to cigars.
Like they get into it.
Oh, that's what that guy said,
guys in New York, give me some ember.
Give me some ember? Ember?
Oh, that's, what is ember, fire?
Oh.
Oh, shit! Yeah, so these what is amber fire. Oh, oh shit
Yeah, so these guys they they take little cedar strips
They light them on fire and they light their cigar from the cedar strips
So this way you're not getting any of the butane fumes. I don't even know how much you would get
I don't you know
Good better later. Yeah, sure. know how to work it no thing back
We're probably gonna find out. Oh good
Every time you
Burn a lighter near you you inhale like ten times more than you ever supposed to in your life
We'll probably find something like that out someday. It can't be so good to have convenient fire like
Fire that quickly means like you've got some funky
Gases that you're burning you're burning some funky gases in the air. Oh
Horrible kind of more like laying a match and you get the ugly ass. You know, it's real bad what scented candles
scented candles apparently are not healthy.
Jamie, Google that.
Maybe I should say some scented candles.
Maybe there's a way to do it organically.
We should find out if that's true too, because that would be a good thing to know.
Because I think there's some things in some scented candles that you're not supposed to
inhale. And when you're a person that likes to have candles and who doesn't,
they're cool. You want to have candles in your house as dope,
like candlelight dinner with a bunch of friends is dope. Right.
But I think it's the scented ones.
The ones that are made from paraffin of the problem.
It's a cheap by-product primarily sourced from the refinement of petroleum.
So you're burning petroleum.
Paraffin is the most used candle wax worldwide according to the National Candle Association,
the major trade association representing U.S. candle manufacturers and their suppliers.
So it's all candles made from paraffin.
However, few studies on candle emissions or their
potential effects on human health exist and conclusions from the research are
mixed. There is no overall conclusion that paraffin candles will either,
excuse me, either will or won't harm your health, says pulmonologist Dr. Sobia
Farouk, a clinical assistant professor at the Cleveland Clinic Lerner College of Medicine, but the risks may also depend on various factors
including candle type and quality, how often and how long you're burning it, the
airflow and the space where you're burning it, your health status and more.
Well, either it's not good for you or it's fine. These are the options.
And it seems to me like there's a little gas lighting going on here.
Like how could it be good for you to have petroleum burning in your house?
I want you to show me a study that's like tell to measure the fucking air in the
room when you have three candles.
Measure the air in the room when you have four candles.
Keep going. Tell me when I'm going gonna get lung cancer from this shit.
Because benzene, a known carcinogen, is another VOC released by paraffin candles.
Hawk added, long-term exposure to this chemical has been linked to blood disorders such as
leukemia.
When inhaled, benzene can also be a respiratory irritant.
Which means it can probably... yeah, fuck.
Fuck.
So people think candles are cool.
Oh man.
But what about, what is a candle that you can use?
Like, there's gotta be candles that are not bad.
I hope all those candles that I've got in a massage parlor were safe. New candle, oh now, candles made from soy wax, beeswax
or stearin, coconut oil or animal fats are often considered healthier but
anything that is burned emits harmful particulates or chemicals, Evan said. So
these candles also release VOCs into the air. It's just that paraffin wax is
usually more polluting according to some...
Oh, great.
So they all suck.
The risk of toxic emissions is greater when candles are scented or dyed, which is another
reason why paraffin-free candles aren't immediately in the clear.
This is because artificial fragrances have VOCs, including phthalates, which have been
linked to learning and behavior problems, obesity,
impaired development of the reproductive systems, and more.
Evan said the unscented candle in the 2015 research also caused concerning concentrations
of toxins but had the lowest amount compared with its scented counterparts.
Yeah, by what ratio?
I wonder how much lower.
Candle, oh, the National Candle Association maintains
that candles are safe for use in the home. A spokesperson said in a statement. First
of all, you can't totally say anything's safe. Because I was dating a girl once and she burnt
her fucking house down with candles. That's's exaggerating she burnt a wall in her house
What's she doing? She just let her candles burn down and something caught fire and it like lit the side of her fucking bedroom
Hall like her wall was on fire
She liked candles, so they're not totally safe. It's fire fires not totally safe fucking lighters aren't totally safe. You can't say it's safe
Like you could you could definitely do something stupid with it. Like, you know, what's safe marshmallows
Balls are safe if you let them it's not good to eat. They're bad for your body, but they're fucking safe
They're gonna kill you
Let you burn them to make s'mores with a lighter and a fork
You know what's
supposed to be really bad for you? Paper straws. Paper straws have those forever chemicals
in them. See if that's true. Otherwise we'll have to cut this out without getting sued
by the paper straw industry. Oh, speaking of straws, right? Everybody knows that paper
straws came around because everybody saw that video of that turtle with that straw on his nose.
That's the only reason why we started looking at paper straws different than everything else. Right?
People are plastic.
Plastic.
Okay.
Plastic straws came about. Did I say paper?
Plastic straws came about because of that video of that turtle with the plastic straw on his nose. Right?
Remember that?
Yeah. That was it. It was in his nose, right? Remember that? Yeah.
That was it.
It was in the nose, right?
Yeah, deep, deep in the turtle's nose. New study found that 90% of paper straws tested
contain forever chemicals, or PFAS, compared to 75% of plastic straws. So even plastic straws
have those fucking chemicals in them. But it's even worse for you to use paper straws
Paper straws assessed by researchers at University of Antwerp Belgium and were found to contain more forever chemicals per
Polyfluoroal
Chol floor alcohol. How do you say that give it a shot?
Philippe polyfluoroal
Yeah substances or PFAS is then plastic but all of them are bad for
you. What it's basically saying is that even straws, 75% of plastic straws have
tested that they contain forever chemicals. That's not good. So all of it's
bad. We should probably abandon the idea of straws. I like McDonald's straws, the big
fat one. Here's what you don't want want a metal straw and a Stanley and then fall in your face
Oh, okay, cuz people have done that idiots
Well listen I fall in those money. I know but I've fallen before
No, I haven't but I imagine like I would you know
Just because you fall with a straw doesn't mean you're an idiot, but
People gotta be aware that
that's basically a metal shank that's gonna go right through your face if you trip.
You got to carry that thing if you're like clumsy like as if you're carrying
a knife like move away from your body you know don't catch your body with it
if you fall down and then stab yourself. I know man you wouldn't let your baby hold that
why are you holding it? Yeah yeah why are you holding that you're not and then stab yourself. I know man. You you wouldn't let your baby hold that why you holding it?
Yeah, yeah, why you holding that you're not ready for that yet? You're ready well, especially if you're clumsy clumsy people should really know they're clumsy and be super careful with what they're carrying
Are you clumsy? Yeah, man. Don't carry a rake. I was outside over there going I was holding that baseball and I'll take it
I'm holding that baseball and I'm looking at the werewolf. I'm thinking let's get my wife
I bet you I could throw a knuckleball and make it right in the bucket now where was mouth
You know fuck something upside down
Yeah, don't fuck up my werewolf bro, that's one of my prized possessions and even if you get hit it what does that prove
Don't want to break the werewolves teeth. What are you trying to prove Felipe?
That's took a throw knuckleball. Were you a good baseball player? Hell no. No? But
you had a good knuckleball? Or no? No, I was good at playing street ball with a tennis
ball and I had a good junk on a tennis ball. And we would throw like a regular fastball
to make that shit. Man, I was good. Dude, we used to play stickball in the street. That
was fun. We were kids.
I don't get that game.
I Wikipedia'd the other day to learn how to play because they're having like a stickball
tournament in New York last week when I was there.
Yeah, that's the video I saw.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They were having a tournament.
Other veterans that used to play stickball in New York showed up to play.
Oh, we slid on concrete, bro.
But I never knew the game because in LA we play over the line.
That's a good way to get a staph infection.
Look at that. Sliding on concrete. Good way.
They're getting pumped.
That looks like a guy who plays really good stickball.
Yeah, it's a city thing.
A broomstick, right?
When I played it, when I lived in Jamaica Plain, which is a little place outside of
Boston, we played that.
We used to play stickball in the street.
People get mad at you, hit their car with a tennis ball.
It was stupid.
But kids are just always looking for something to do back then.
Now they're all online.
I used to play crazy games growing up, bro, that I'm pretty sure kids don't play anymore.
I used to play this game called huevos, which is called eggs.
We used to put like a bunch of holes on the floor
with your name on it,
and then somebody will throw a tennis ball,
and whoever the ball lands on that hole,
that person has to grab that ball
and fuck somebody up in the back
before they can make it to the wall.
And that person you hit has to grab that ball and then hit people on the way back before
they get to the other side of the wall.
And if you miss everybody, you get an egg on your little hole.
And once you get four of them, we all take turns fucking you up with a tennis ball while
you're just standin' at this.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah, there was no cable back then.
And we didn't want to join gangs. I think you then. And we didn't want to join gangs.
I think you did. And we didn't want to read. I think you guys had a soft core gang.
We didn't have no Boy Scouts.
That's a crazy way to make friends.
And you get to play suicide though?
I don't remember. How's it go?
It's a handball court, a wall, and you throw a ball.
And there's five kids, and you catch it.
But if you miss it, everybody starts fucking you up.
No, I never play catch it.
So you make it to the wall.
No, I never play that.
It'll cause suicide.
Never play it.
It'll tell you, everybody stand by the wall,
and you throw the ball against the wall you should have catch it if you miss
They fucking jump you till you get to the wall with the ball
Fuck that
Requires at least two players could have as many as can be accommodated by the playing area
The put this is funny when they take a game like this and they break it down like these are the rules
We did play wall ball. We did that we caught a wall ball
You got a wall ball like that it was honestly
I said if you fuck if you fucked up you'd have to stay on the wall people could throw the ball
There it is right there the fuck up there all ball until the player touches the wall They're open to be pegged struck hard with a thrown ball by the player who caught it if a player become comes into contact with
The ball but fails to catch it. They are also open to be pegged
Tennis ball is a good thing to get hit by though right it sucks like if someone's throwing it
It sucks, but it's not gonna kill you there's always this asshole kid
I didn't like that kid was gonna get hit and he'll put that fucking ball in a shitload of water and mud oh
That's a problem. He's cheating he can't cheat
They go also remember
That person that put the gate hit by the ball runs home
Will fuck wolf so I can chase him home or beat him up in front of his mom
Boy
That's why cable is important. Yes, that's why the Internet is important YouTube. We got to keep people pacified
Tick-tock save your life imagine if it did imagine if it saved a few lives people just at home scrolling instead of out gangbanging
You know, I mean, everybody gets addicted to it.
If you just don't go out and do terrible things because you just scrolling, staring at your TikTok.
I know man.
I wonder if kids do shoplift for fun.
I bet they do.
You know, there's been like famous people
that have been caught shoplifting.
I think a lot of people who shoplift- You shoplifted when you were little? I did. You know, there's been like famous people that have been caught shoplifting. I think a lot of people who shoplifted do for-
You shoplifted when you were little?
I did.
You were hungry?
I got, no, no, no, I was just dumb and young.
And I got caught when I was-
You don't do it now, right?
No.
Like just a used to opportunity?
No, no, no, no, no.
I did it like a couple times ever.
It was like candy bars and shit.
When I was, I was just hanging around
with a bunch of bad kids and we would do that.
We would go, it was like, it was a thrill.
You'd go to a store and steal something and I think
we probably did it two or three times and I got caught I don't do it anymore
but I felt so stupid I know but sometimes I'm walking around and I see
like like a pack of doughnuts mm-hmm but they're far from what doughnuts are
right that there by the shoe and they're open
and I'm like, I'm all high looking at the donut
but damn, you're lost.
Joey Diaz used to swipe lighters from 7-Eleven
just to stay sharp.
He would, he had money.
He would, he had money.
He would swipe lighters.
Just to stay on his toes.
How you doing brother?
Swap.
Swap.
I saw him do that while he was talking to the guy and he put his knickers.
Yeah he's got some hand movements to distract you.
I think that was a game man that road companies would do bro on the way to a gig who could
shoplift the most shit out of the gas station.
That's not good for our reputation.
That's not good for our reputation. You not good for our reputation. She gets our bars traveling entertainers
Gas station food man those those times when you're on the road and all you're eating is garbage
How yeah, man, you gotta buy a real cheese there and put on pork rinds in it from the package
You gotta take a chance with the bean and cheese burrito that you microwave. You have to like open that strip of plastic. Those were good though. They were good.
When you were hungry. Ramones. Every now and then you got like good food at a gas station. You're like why
doesn't everybody do this? Like sometimes you go to a gas station and it's like a gas station but
it's also like a taco spot. Fried chicken. Fried chicken, cheeseburgers. You're like damn those cheese. That was a legit fucking cheeseburger. Okay
Where am I dangerous here? I mean you would make more money, right? That's what Bucky's figured out
Go do you know the fuck you want? We got it do we got barbecue pickled dicks? Let's go. We got eggs cheese
Milk you could buy a house
By fucking sled, what do you need? Would sled what do you need fishing poles?
Would you need a you need a hamburger what else? Yeah yeti cooler and a Traeger grill we got those
We got a shower in a bag if you want to shower
Buc-ee's and it's gonna have rides, you know, there's a way going on with Buc-ee's is a they're claiming that these people copied their logo
Chuckie's now there's another spot that has like another kind of an animal
Yeah, they do that with all that's knock on they knock off and that wherever that is they knock off all sorts of stores
I'll try to find is it another country. Oh
I thought it was in America. It's in Mexico. Oh
Interesting Mexico loves to do that
That's the fake Buc-e's in Mexico put that picture up again
So there's a fake in and out in Mexico too, oh that's so funny man, and there's a fake in and out in California
I've seen the fake in and out of Mexico. There's a fake one in in California Yeah, it's called easy takeout and I think they used to be the
same same
uniforms same stand
Same burgers, but they just added a breakfast burger. It's called easy takeout in West Covina Wow
Copy the the logo. It's very similar here. Oh
The lawsuits about same city to Tempe Lupus, Mexico
Oh, yeah, they even got a little gap in between it Bucky's knockout lucky spotted
He's lucky to have two teeth, but that's the one in Mexico, right?
Jamie, but they both I told you they both both but I don't think this other one
I lucky in Mexico says I might be wrong month ago two ago, two months ago, Bucky's taken legal action against Mexican cops.
Shut up.
It's the only thing I came up by like I was looking a little further.
Okay. Well, what was that animal that was like a he the Bucky's is a beaver.
I thought you got a cobra bro.
Right. So what was that other animal? What was the Lucky? Who's Lucky? Is Lucky a rabbit?
Like what is Lucky?
Lucky is also a beaver.
Okay.
Oh my God.
No.
Yeah, we have to say he has a papadour though, right doors, let me see where's lucky's
What a bunch of dumbasses oh my god it is a beaver what is it he wearing us? Oh?
It's a raccoon
Okay
No, you can't do that
the bandito
Why can't you do that though? Why can't you have Harry's or how about George's and have curious George?
They're good, you know together little franchise
Curious George loves curious George
Or would that be okay? Like if they have George's or they get sued over a different lawsuit. Let's see. There is a different lawsuit
super fuels trademark infringement
Let's see there is a different lawsuit
Super fuels trademark infringement
Because you imagine if like the owners whoever owns the yeah, this is even this is a little whoa
It's like I think that's the one I saw super fuels
So there's it's just they're saying it's because it's got a smiling animal and the red hat see I don't know I'm not on board with that one. I'm trying to see what they're trying know I'm not on board with that one I'm not on board with that one
I can't think that you could own the idea of having any kind of cute animal as a part of your logo
That seems kind of ridiculous. I don't understand copyright law, but doesn't that seem like a little ridiculous to you? Yeah
What if it's a what if it's a cat and you make it kitties and you have a cute little cat?
Are you telling me that I can't make a business called kitties?
That depends where you're doing business at and how much of a copyright you have, kind
of.
Like, is it nationwide?
Did you have an international copyright, which is really tough?
Right, but is that a copyright infringement if you have kitties?
It depends on what, if you're not doing the same business.
Imagine someone has a copyright to the
ability I don't understand any of this stuff so
clearly I'm talking out of my ass, but imagine if somebody has a copyright to just owning the ability to use a cartoon character
in your logo that seems completely insane doesn't it? Yeah, but what's his name?
This is comedy club and seems completely insane, doesn't it? Yeah, but what's his name?
This is Comedy Club and Tommy Teese,
he used to have the Lauren Hardy,
the, what you call it, the Lauren Hardy logos.
Laurel and Hardy?
Yeah, it was like, yeah, and for his Comedy Club.
Oh, no.
And he got a suit by Bozo the Clown.
He owned the-
Bozo owned Laurel and Hardy? Yeah, the cartoon.
Anything that you put cartoon on it was Laurel Hardy's face. Imagine going back
watching Laurel Hardy. Imagine showing somebody that had no idea about American
culture at all. Yes. Going back and you show them Laurel Hardy and then right
after you show them Chappelle's show when Dave plays
the blind white supremacist that's black.
Yeah, that guy.
But imagine seeing like what, this is what comedy started out as and this is comedy
later.
That is a wild ride.
Yes, man.
That's a wild ride. The ride man. That's a wild ride.
The ride from like Abed and Costello.
Yes.
Who's on first?
Who's on first?
Eddie Cantor, bro.
Who's Eddie Cantor?
Eddie Cantor was the first comedian to do radio.
And he was, because I have a history for Fools podcast, so I learned about the history of
stand-up comedy.
Plus, I read that that I watched the documentary
but you wanted the first guy, but he was like he was very clean bro. He sang and
Can we hear some of this?
He was getting paid $500 for 5 minute shows on radio.
Yadikantra. He was the first guy to have a radio comedy show.
I'm trying to hear what he's saying. What is he saying?
He's singing.
Some Bobbville nonsense. The dumb ones know how to make love.
Yeah.
Jesus Christ.
The dumb ones know how to make love.
That sounds like something Theo would say on stage.
And I like them dumb
He'll be in a radio bro talking and then he'll pinch the chicks in their butts
Oh god, yeah, and then like they wouldn't say nothing. They're funny a woman says of the mr. Cantor
And he had a fire
Hmm
well
Kind of remember like people back then were basically barbarians. Yeah.
1920s people. Bro, back then it was... It's World War I, bro. Back then for a stand-up comedian like when I
found out was imagine you do a gig, $200 back then right and the promoter says no I'm not gonna,
the gangsters I'm not gonna pay you and you don't get paid and they go call the cops. You had a
couple of three vagrants
walking around downtown, and then your three comedians
walking around town with no hotel, no pay,
and they're gonna pick you up for being a hobo now.
Yeah, you could get stiffed for sure.
But that was back then, bro, that was a hard time.
Imagine from then to now.
Well, I think there's probably still a lot of shit out there
for a lot of guys that are coming up but it's just now there's more real gigs.
Yeah better gigs. Well it's comedies more accessible you know because of YouTube
and everything. Comedy's just way it's everywhere you know like your special.
Well tell everybody. Oh I have a special right now. What What a segue yeah? I'm a special right now on Netflix raging fool
We shot at the Chris theater in Sacramento two shows my wife directed it and nice exactly produced
she's like it produced all my specials, but um
we shot it with our own money and
We paid everybody and then we we sold it to Netflix. We made like a two-year deal. Oh that's
awesome. So we owned it. Great. I love the tracksuit. Yes, because of Rage and Bull, because of Rage and Fool.
I love the tracksuit. It's dope. Because I was watching that movie Rage and Bull
and I was thinking that when Jake LaMotta had nothing left to do in his
life, he had nothing how to make money, He said, you know what, I'm gonna be a comedian.
So, and I thought like, wow.
He had nothing else to do in his life,
so he figured out that I'm gonna do stand-up comedy.
Because that was the last thing for us,
it was like the first thing.
Well, that happens with actors sometimes too,
when their careers kind of dwindle,
they start doing stand-up, that happens.
And he had like, when he was, you saw the movie, right, Reggie Boone, they start doing stand-up, that happens. And he had like, you saw the movie, right,
Reggie and Bull, when he was doing stand-up?
And he's at a bar called Jimmy's Corner Bar,
and that bar's still there.
You know, Stan Hope was friends with him.
Really?
Yeah, cause that guy lived down in Arizona,
where Stan Hope lived.
Oh, that's cool, man.
Yeah, he's like got photos of him
hanging out over his house and shit.
Yeah, Jake Lamont was Stan Hope's boy Oh, that's cool, man. Yeah, he's like got photos of him hanging out over his house and shit. Yeah, Jake Lamont was Stan Hope's boy.
And that's a real story, man.
Jake Lamont was a character.
Yeah.
That was a wild fella.
A wild, crazy fella.
And goddamn Robert De Niro nailed it.
Nailed it, huh?
Nailed it.
I mean, nailed it.
Like he looked like an animal when he was Jake LaMotta,
like the younger Jake LaMotta.
Did you fuck my wife?
Yeah, oh Jesus Christ, he was so scary.
He was so scary because he was just out of his fucking mind
and so dangerous.
And it was based on a real guy, man.
I mean, the movie is real close to how that guy was,
Jake LaMotta, when he was in his prime
He was a fucking monster man. I
Like when he looks at his hands
And he goes like he don't like his hands cuz they're not they're not big I guess he goes I
Can ever be a heavyweight? Yeah
Yeah
In that crazy crazy. That's crazy. That's a different kind of human man
And back then there was a lot of people like that. This is you got to go back and put your
mind into what it must have been like to be Jake Lamont growing up and like what
so what what year was Jake in his prime? Well what year did he fight Sugar Ray
Robinson? Let's ask that. Jake Lamont versus Sugar Ray Robinson 62
59 42 42 okay Madison Square Garden 1942 so you gotta imagine wow you gotta just
put your mind into the type of people that lived back then I mean like cars
were new sewage was new like people had been coming over in boats
Criminals were everywhere crime was everywhere organized crime was the the rule of the law in all the Italian communities the Irish communities
You know that was the thing 42. Wow. Yeah, this was just
United States like you ever watch that movie
Gangs of New York? Yes. Fucking great movie right? That's a fucking great movie and probably pretty
accurate. Yes. Roughly pretty accurate the way life was back then. Some of
those gangsters that were in that movie were actually real people. I believe it.
Like that woman in that movie I think you talked about it the one need to
collect ears and put them in a jar. Yeah yeah, she was an actual real person. She had a bar
Where people would just put have a jar full of pickled ears and noses from previous fights
They'll have fights in the back with about mongoose fighting a dog
Gangs of New York man
That movie is so because we don't think of New York that way you think of New York as like New York City
Well, it was kind of dangerous in the 70s. Then, you know
Giuliani cleaned it up and then you know, it's pretty commercialized a lot of ways was still a beautiful city
But New York during the time of that when whenever that film was supposed to represent was a wild crazy almost like wild West
I'd place like we think of while we think of those kind of scenes when you think of a wild West movie, right?
Right you think yeah, they go by the ugly. Yeah, you think of people getting stabbed and shot but that was happening over there, too
It's not like it never happened on the East Coast and they only did it on the West Coast
It was happening in the whole country the whole and they they had just gotten
I mean these people just gotten done with a fucking Civil War
Right. Yeah, cuz back then you gotta think
1940 you go to like the
1860s to the 1940s. That's not that much time. No, that's pretty quick
That's eight years. You know those fuckers are still alive. Yeah, same mentality same crazy
And then you got more immigrants coming in on boats. No YouTube to watch just a women of prayer
Someone told them to come I always think about that man like when the Jesus always
Someone told them to come I always think about that man like when the Jesus always yeah
She was Maggie how cat Maggie?
Jesus I think about the when the the Irish are coming in at the same time as that movie is happening Whoo, and they told them you want a free meal you want to fight for your country and they give them a uniform
And their families go off to New York and they go off to fight the South.
Just imagine coming out of the boat
and someone just has you a gun and a piece of bread
and go, go fight for America.
And I think about that,
like, why are some hardcore people out there, man?
You want, yeah, yeah, yeah, hardcore people.
Different times, man.
Desperate.
Yeah, and then people look older than they do now.
Oh yeah, they look old quick. Yeah, like you look at a person than they do now. Oh, yeah, they look old quick
Yeah, you look at a person's photo and you go. How does that kid? He looks like 70
I have a 25 year old kid working the coal mine. Yeah
Working in coal mines. Those people all got sick. They all got fucked up
I mean that's environmental pollution that you're signing up for like you're gonna go breathe cold dust no matter what you everyone gets
They all get horrible fucking,
what is that, black lung?
That's terrifying, terrifying.
And then you've got people that just live around coal plants
and they're breathing that shit
and they don't even, they're not even a part of that business.
I know man, like Wilkes Bar, Pennsylvania.
Bro, there's a place that we showed a video once.
It was, was it Indiana, Jamie?
Yeah?
So there's like three coal plants near this city and these people, they can wipe their
windshield and they have black soot on their finger.
It just falls from the sky.
Here in America?
Yeah, it's in America.
So these people are for sure breathing that shit in.
For the Pittsburgh?
Indiana.
Oh, Indiana.
Yeah. That's scary. That's scary.
And that's a fraction of what's going on in China, bro. Oh yeah, because when I was in
Seattle and I was waiting for the car to pass, I was going to my show and I saw, it was like
a mile train and it was all coal. Coal that coke coming from Minnesota and I asked the cop that was what standing there
I don't know. We still mine coal and he goes well
We don't use it, but it's all going to China
Really? Yeah, like it was like a mile bro of coal and um, and it had no cover on it that's crazy it was just
falling off they said that um I don't know how much coal flies I don't know
shit about coal but I just know what the guy told me that was a mile train of coal
coming from Minnesota on that one line and there was a boat I can see the boat
where it was going wow and it's all going to China. Yeah.
Yeah, they're full steam ahead with coal.
Hey.
Someone should check to see if maybe
they know something we don't.
I know man.
What are they producing with that coal?
They're doing a lot.
I mean they produce so many of the things that we need,
which is one of the craziest things that we all found out
when everything got locked down,
is you couldn't get anything,
because so much of what you wanted was made in China.
Like, oh my God, or made in Russia or made in anywhere where they had to come in on a ship.
You know, like that became a real fucking problem.
I thought it was made in Akron, Ohio.
They hardly make shit here.
In comparison to what we consume, we consume way more probably, I would guess, than any
country of a similar size.
And, yo, dawg, still rocking the Samsung.
I love it.
I love when a comic holds out and doesn't go iPhone.
Oh, no, man.
I like the bigger phone.
It has a little pen.
You like the pen.
I love the pen.
You're one of those guys.
Which one is that?
The...
Is that the S24? Yeah, that one. those guys. Which one is that? The...
Is that the S24? Yeah, that one.
That one, Ultra.
S24 Ultra, yeah.
Is that the newest one or the one right before it?
Right before it.
There's a new one that just came out.
It's pretty dope, dude.
A year and a half ago, I think.
Yeah, that's the old one.
That's the S24 Ultra.
I have that one.
That one's sick.
It does a lot of cool shit.
Good videos, right?
Yeah, it's great.
Granted a lot of stuff, but the interesting thing is the AI. So what I like about it is
I can go to a website and if I open it up in the Samsung browser
And then I'll I can say summarize and it'll summarize the website for me. Oh, they don't know that. Yeah
So if there's some thing that's taking forever for you to get to the point because you want me to keep
scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling and scrolling while you show
ads all over the place that's a trap so it'll just tell you oh there's an
asteroid that might hit earth within the next you know fucking 60 years like oh
great there's a 3% what is a percent chance thank God
usually only 1.5% I think I'd take a I take a picture of you, right?
And then do that one screen, and then I circle it,
and it'll find a sweater for me.
That's cool. That's really cool.
I think that's available on all phones now.
I think the new iPhone update has that as well,
where you can Google search a thing
and it'll show you where to buy it.
That's what my wife always wanted.
She wanted to have it where
you're watching television and you pause it with your finger
and make a circle and then it just shifts to your house.
You know when people are gonna be fed up with that thing?
When, first of all,
you can only buy so much shit.
But second of all, like what happens, like you know those those glasses that they wear now those meta glasses have you seen this Harvard? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Gets a Wikipedia on you or whatever the fuck is available online sees your Instagram page
Finds your address and it was wild you like what wait hit the brakes
Let the t1000 terminator. Yeah, it's like hit the brakes hit the brakes
But I don't think they can
Was it a movie like that? Yeah, it's been a bunch of movies. Roddy Piper was like that, wasn't there?
Oh, they live.
They live!
They have the glasses.
Yes!
Right?
That was aliens.
I think about that.
Sometimes when you have a guest, you go, wait a minute, he's talking about those glasses
from Roddy Piper?
Similar.
I think the Roddy Piper glasses, you put them on, you could see what everybody really looked
like.
You could see through the whatever energy field they were projecting.
It was these alien creatures that were pretending to be people. And there's a lot of
people that believe that now. I'm less inclined to believe that, but I'm open. I wouldn't want to
get tricked. I mean, if there really are people that are actually aliens that are amongst us that
look like people and behave like people. This is the guy who figured it out.
Try to say his name.
Felipe, hit me with it.
What's the first one?
Right there.
Try that.
Oh, it's Anfou Nguyen and K.N. Ardofalo.
I don't think they say Nguyen. I think they say Nguyen, right?
Because there's been a few fighters in the UFC, Vietnamese fighters that have that same
spelling and I think they say it as, can you find out how they say it Jamie?
So it's Alphoo Nguyen, okay, I can see it.
Little Dutch there.
And Kane Ardifeo. little Dutch there and Kane RD feel art if you are to feel
So they figured out how to do that making up me. No. No, this is real name
Anybody can do it my name is whoa cute but key scroll so we can explain
I do know how it's possible to do it today, how to remove your information, oh geez.
Literally like the instructions. So it's just showing how to remove your face from
face search engines, which you're not gonna be able to do eventually. It's
getting weird out there. I'm a black face, green face bro. I had a friend of mine who
came in here the other day and he's down to a flip phone.
And his flip phone was interesting because it has Android on it.
His flip phone, you can actually get text messages on it and you have a little tiny ass screen on the flip phone
where you can kind of clumsily type your way through a sentence.
So you don't have to do it with like a full keyboard like an iPhone or earphone.
But you also, it's inconvenient so you don't text as much. You don't go on these long winded diatribes like a lot keyboard like an iPhone or earphone but you also it's inconvenient so you don't
text as much.
You don't go on these long winded diatribes like a lot of people do.
It's just real simple.
The whole screen is on there but you gotta navigate all the way around to read everything?
Yeah.
I remember those.
It's a tiny little ass screen.
Yeah.
It's got regular buttons to make phone calls and then on his little tiny ass screen is
a tiny ass keyboard about that big and you get in there with that tiny ass keyboard you try to type a text
message and you could push send and so it's inconvenient so you don't go on
Twitter you don't check things out you just get your text messages it can do
other stuff if you absolutely fucking need it to but live your life bitch and
he was in here with that I was was like, man, that seems cool. But I like watching YouTube on my phone,
so I don't know what to tell you.
That sounds like Larry Bubbles Brown from San Francisco.
He, too, has a flip phone.
David Tell?
Wow.
David Tell has a flip phone.
Yeah.
You should see him text me.
It's hilarious.
Do they both have the original phone numbers
from when you first met them?
No.
No.
They've all changed numbers.
You have to change every now and then.
It's, you know, you gotta purge.
Gotta keep moving.
I think I still have my same phone number
for the last 20 years.
Damn, one of those dudes, a holdout.
Yeah.
Yeah, sometimes that's good,
but it gets annoying sometimes.
You know, it's all in, you gotta manage your time.
You change your phone number a lot?
Nice people.
People I trust.
You gotta manage your time.
You know, like in, the thing about a guy like you is like you're headlining, you're on the road, dudes wanna open up for you, you got the Netflix special, they wanna hang out with you.
So you gotta manage your time.
Because you can't give your time away to everybody.
There's a certain amount of time you need for yourself.
If you don't have that time and need for yourself,
you go off the rails.
You gotta take time to recenter all the time, all the time.
And if you're constantly getting this and that,
you're constantly interacting, you're never alone,
you're never fighting with people.
Yeah, I get in a sauna and I stretch out every day.
I get down there, I fucking stretch everything out.
When you're doing that, you can't do anything else.
You can't be scrolling on TikTok
when you're stretching everything out.
You gotta just go through your routine.
And then that clears my mind.
And I feel like if you don't make room for that,
you're gonna fuck your life up.
And I know that there's only so many people
that I can entertain and help with stuff.
There's only so many people that are just,
it's a transactional kind of a conversation
you're having with them.
It's not fun.
It's not like, what's up, dude?
Hey, what's up?
Those are great.
But then there's a lot of could you do this?
Would you do that?
Will you fly to here?
And you're like, hey. Those are great. Yeah, but then there's a lot of could you do this? Would you do that will you fly to here and do?
Enough You know, so you got to like know when to change not what time you get up
It depends most days eight I was up at eight. It's good. I thought I thought you looked really like my bra
I get about five every day
Yeah, I don't think that's necessary.
There's a thing that people always wanna do
where they wanna show themselves
that they have the discipline to get up.
I respect that.
Like Jaco does that.
You know Jaco Willink?
No. No he isn't.
Every, Jaco is a, he's amazing dude.
He's a former Navy SEAL who is one of the most inspirational guys I know.
And he writes books on leadership. Just brilliant guy. Has an excellent podcast. Solid dude.
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt. And he like every morning takes a photo of his watch that
says 430 AM.
Oh, I've seen that guy.
This is his every morning when he's waking up. You get his a.m. I've seen that guy this is this is every
morning when he's waking up you get his shitty Iron Man I shouldn't say shitty
because they're fucking durables fuck I have seen you know Iron Man triathlon
watches oh it looks like you got a new watch hmm that's a new watch Jocko you
can't fool me I know your old watch go back to the old watch pictures look so
it's every day 430 his fucking watch sometimes 414 takes a photo of it
And then he works out
He's just a legit dude
Wow, that's the case so that's him though. He likes doing that he likes doing that
But he's not a comedian you know I'm saying I think like for a comedian you can't be that rigid you'll get a little psychotic
You can't be that rich you got to have discipline, but you also got to have fun
You got a so I don't get up at 430 the fuck out of here first of all
I'm up until at least midnight almost every night me, too
I get like most of my best like writing done and my best ideas when everyone in the house is asleep
So when everyone in my house is asleep, and I everyone in my house is asleep and I'm up,
I like that, because I'm like, oh cool,
I don't need, nobody needs my attention,
now I can concentrate.
And I get my, I can't concentrate
when people are in the house.
I feel like I should be hanging out
and having fun and being with everybody.
I don't wanna lock myself up in my office.
But that's the only way to write.
But for me, it's like late at night is where it's at because everybody's asleep
And the world feels creepy, you know at night the world feels kind of dangerous and fucked up and stupid
It's like, you know you when you worry about war in the middle of the night
It's like one o'clock in the morning in front of your computer. You're writing something on Microsoft Word
You're genuinely worried about war
Yeah writing something on Microsoft Word, you're genuinely worried about war. Yeah. Genuinely worried that decisions that people are making in this country are gonna one day come down on us with holy terror.
One day, just in the middle of the city, just BOOM!
Some fucking thermonuclear device that levels a place four times the size of Hiroshima instantaneously.
I think about that kind of shit late at night.
And you know, right, how do you make that funny?
I don't sometimes.
Some of it's not funny.
But you, there's funny things attached to it.
There's funny things attached to just the way we behave.
It's not real.
There's nothing funny about the potential
for complete annihilation of the human race, but there is something funny about this desire
that we have to keep doing the same things we've always done and hope that somehow or
another we get it right this time. We're on the verge of war all the time, and there's
got to be some way to stop that other than funding more war
it's got to be a better way to say the word of the bridge of war and
When you when you first started doing stand-up comedy how many there's been a lot of Burgess of real wars, huh?
Yeah, the first war when I was
So when was desert storm was that
other shield which one was which we had this conversation the other shield was
with Norman Sworshkov that's Iraq and that's like 2003 yeah right the one I'm
talking about is desert storm which was like 1990?
Was it 1990, Jamie?
They're the same?
Yeah, but the first invasion before we pulled out with George W. Bush in Iraq?
Iraq invaded Kuwait on August 20, 1990.
Yes, I remember that one, yes. Okay, so when Iraq invaded Kuwait in 1990,
then we went to war with Iraq,
and I was living with my friend Jimmy,
and we were sitting, Jimmy DiTilio, shout out to Jimmy,
we were sitting in our apartment in the living room,
and the war was on TV, and we were like,
holy shit, man, we're at war.
I remember thinking, this can't even be real. Which happen at night, right? We started watching those the air raids
Yeah, it started as Desert Shield and then then when we started going after like ham was desert storm
Yeah, and what year was that 90? That's just like a year later. It's 91
So desert shield was to protect and desert storm was to destroy
It was dropping off bill Hicks had the best material about that.
Oh my God.
Yeah, his material about the war was great.
They have such sophisticated weapons.
How do you know?
We got the receipts.
We love to arm puppet dictators and then fuck them up.
You know, it's like, you know, it's like Clint Eastwood movie.
Pick up the gun.
You know, it's like Dirty Harry.
I tell you, I know what you're thinking.
Yeah. What did I fire for. I tell you I know you're thinking
Yeah fire for or tell you the truth
I kind of forgot myself my favorite one is
The unforgiven man when a guy's crying could he kill somebody?
He goes
That's what happened when you kill a man
You take away all he ever wanted and all he ever had. Yeah that movie was the
best western movie I think ever like of that kind of Clint Eastwood genre that
was almost like he was coming back to update it you know because he had all
the bangers you know Good the Bad and the Ugly, A Fistful of Dollars like incredible
Outlaw Josie Wells yeah. Outlaw Josie Wells.
Yeah, oh Outlaw Josie Wells, that was another level too, but then it's like Unforgiven was
the one where it like really gave you a sense of what it must have been like living in the
Wild West.
It was just the people were more real, it was more updated to like the movies of that
era, like the Morgan Freeman character, it was more updated to like the movies of that era like the Morgan Freeman character
It was a fucking great movie, man
That's a great like Western movie and just a hard story man
I like that line when he goes in there to get those people that killed Morgan Freeman. You just shot an unknown man
Yeah, he should have armed himself. Yeah, if he's gonna decorate his place with a friend of mine
Yeah, that was a hardcore movie man. That was a hardcore movie
You saw the arm with our arm, but isn't it funny that we always want to think about that kind of shit happening out west
We don't want to believe that that kind of same shit was happening out east. Yeah animals everywhere animals
Animals people were animals back then they were barely hang them high
Can you imagine if we had to do fucking stand up in 1820?
You imagine first of all you're getting sick everywhere because there's no sewage
So everybody's just got shit in the streets everywhere you go. You're breathing shit fumes. You're stepping in shit everywhere
That's what I think about now when I I watch those movies now, like Gangs of New York,
I look towards somebody, man, fuck it stinks.
Oh, bro.
People are ignoring the fucking stink.
There's a rotting body right there.
Bro, it probably was so rank.
They didn't have anywhere to get rid of their shit.
That's it, and the, the, the, the,
the little napkin that they had on the big white wig people, they had a little
canker shift and they would just carry it bro, just to have perfume on it, they would
put it in their nose so they wouldn't have to smell like the poor people.
Well it wasn't just that man, it was the shit in the streets because they didn't have cars
so they had horses. The horses would shit all over the the roads and nobody had a job picking it up yet. Oh
One job was someone would just put down like a canker chef so you could walk over it
Just fucking clean it up you lazy bitch and throw in like shit water out of all
And throw in like shit water out of a pack. Look at this
Imagine breathing that every day. There's no way that's good for you. You think scented candles are bad for you?
Imagine imagine the people that live back then you were
Playing you were raised
Whoa? You were in for ultra-raise! Whoa. Poop once flowed freely in the streets of New York. Look, so that was a poop pipe that would go right down the street.
Jesus Christ.
Oh man, when I was at my grandma's house in Mexico, they still had an outhouse.
To where they have no plumbing.
Bro, isn't it interesting, because this is a terrible way to live, that people insisted
on doing it this way?
I was thinking the day that they figured it out like oh my god
What though what imagine because you had to figure it out to get it to where it is now right so people had to
Go through that to get to the Manhattan of today where it's all super sophisticated amazing hotels amazing restaurants
But why would you stick around?
Have you breathing in shit every day every day you go live on a farm. I'd be like fuck experiment. This is terrible. This is not for us. This is for the benefit of people in the future.
We're destroying-
Soil men who carted away of America's waste.
Bro, you know how sick people must have been back then?
No antibiotics. Everybody's breathing in shit.
You fall, you slip, you skin your knee, your knee gets infected with staph, you die.
Oh man, I think about the, um, the- What'd it say? knee your knee gets infected with staph you die oh man shit in your knee
um the um what it say people are gagging as this cart would walk by oh god
and the summer day on a summer day in 1873 a cart stood on sixth Avenue in New
York City filled to the brink with raw human waste the cart was uncovered its
contents exposed to the air and to the passersby who retched
and gagged as they scurried away.
Excrement dipped off the sides of the cart, and the sidewalks and gutters were smeared
with the stuff.
The stench was so strong that it could be smelled from more than a block away.
It was another day in pre-sewer America."
Bro! Smelled from more than a block away. It was another day in pre sewer America, bro
Meanwhile, you're reading here's the thing man. This is after the Civil War. Yeah, this is
1873
You're in an you're in Italy reading books talking about the streets are made of code
Yeah, they used it for fucking... I mean they used it for compost, right?
It was a name euphemistically given to human waste because it was removed from the privies under the cloak of darkness
so that polite society would be spared from confronting its own feces
as the men carted the crap away, leaving a trail of stench in their wake every year in cities across the country thousands of
cards brimming with excrement rattled through the night streets there was an
antiquated solution to a modern problem America's cities were full of crap so
the people were just throwing the shit in the streets paid it's not possible shitty they got paid shit
What a shitty job
Hey, you better imagine being at a bar measure one little man
Barrels oh you get a horse pulled wagon filled with shit that is so crazy
So living back then was hell, bro
That is so crazy. Whoa.
So living back then was hell, bro.
We're so lucky.
And that's how they're going to look at us, these future beings
that no longer have war, they no longer have greed or anger,
these future beings that are connected to the hive mind.
They're going to look back at us like Felipe and Joe.
Dumping grounds are next to the White House.
We were living like idiots.
This guy's breath stunk, I bet.
One of the dumping grounds was a field near the White House where a marsh of washtonian waste putrefied under the president's nose.
This suggests that this may have been a contributing factor to President Harris's
untimely death in 1841 since the White House water source was a mere seven
blocks downstream. Oh my god they killed the president with shit water. Oh my god. He died of dysentery.
Bro this is why you can't trust the experts are looking out for your health. They didn't even
protect the president. Somebody concocted this idea and they never even thought about the potential
for ruining all the water that people drink. They just said this is a good place to dump all this
Wow nasty people are so nasty. Oh
Man, I'd also think about um, that's so nasty condos back there were probably still sheep wool, right sheep skin
Sheep skin. Oh
we were a woman a
guy a woman was she was washing the contraceptive
Yeah, right after all this white wig guys threw at her face. Wow. So she's using the same one for every man
Oh my god, I gotta read this. Oh Christ.
So they didn't have even by 1880s two-thirds of flushing toilets still just went into a backyard cesspool, but
Read this part here.
Overflowing privy was a sight to behold in James Bacab's 1882 account of New York street
life.
He described one man's yard in which the privy's contents drained down into a street sewer,
forming a miniature loathsome Niagara of night soil. Niagara? The cascading sewage flowed right by the window so that a young, so that a man sitting on
a chair at the window would not have to only, would not have only the odor but also the
views of this loathsome matter circulating at his feet in the pool below.
Yeah, see this is why everybody was so sick This is part of the plague well also like there's no fucking
No, one's clean
Yeah, I say that is the biggest breakthrough ever in the
controlling of diseases
The biggest breakthrough is sanitation.
I was just thinking about too.
Healthy sanitation.
Using these words, dumping grounds in this time period, too, is the same time those
bones were dumped in the East River with who knows what else.
Yeah, there's not enough vaccines in the world to protect you when you're living like that.
You know?
I mean, imagine the pharmaceutical drug companies would try to sell you if you were living like
that and they figured out how to
Counteract all the different things that you're inhaling in the air from human shit. They're so nasty, man
So nasty the dump you bought a president, bro
Why imagine him get up in the morning you wake it up in the morning good morning everybody
I'm glad you just said that about dumping bodies cuz I this is a thing. I need to send you Jamie
I'm so glad you brought that up cuz I read this I don't want to fuck this up
I want to figure out what the fuck this actually means
Here I'm gonna send this to Jamie it's about liquid human remains
Liquid human remains. Yeah
So with this article saying,
it's like an Instagram thing,
that being fed back to the population via fertilizer on crops, that.
So, you're making pozole with people?
I hope it's not true.
Making menudo with people or what?
I don't know. It sounds like they were using it for fertilizer, using people for fertilizer, and using people for supplements
somehow or another.
How they're saying you're boiling down a human body.
Are they compensating the family?
I don't know, but also there's no DNA.
So what did you need the body for?
The whole body is DNA.
What are you saying?
There's no DNA?
So what did you?
You broke it down to chemicals, and now it's OK?
So you broke the human body, the container of a soul down to chemicals and you're gonna pour it on your flowers
And that's okay. That's
Seems weird. No, it's not made up. It seems weird
Like what do you how the fuck we should find out how the fuck they do it. Is there a video we can watch on?
then doing it
Okay, what can I and how they liquefy them with hot water it said hot water and it's and something else
They added some other stuff, too
But whatever man, what do we what the fuck is this it oh?
Oh my god the most eco let's listen to this can't wait now the group will they put him in there alive
No
Felipe these are dead bodies. They're just cooking them cooking them up nice, and that's what they get like little bones and pieces
Well I want to be cremated, but if that's an option
Yeah, but you don't want your body being resold as fertilizer
It's just weird to pour dead people on top of your fucking carrots so they grow better
What are they breaking it down to what are they breaking the human body down to that's valuable for them to do that
Like what is the stuff they're looking for? Let's find that out. First of all, we don't even know it's true
Yeah, no, I don't I wouldn't take that as truth. I wouldn't even believe that. How would this-
Can you Google and see if there's other stories that say that-
I'm looking, I'm looking. I'm looking. I'm looking.
Okay, I'm not pushing you.
I gotta read.
Whatever it is, it seems like
you're supposed to leave people alone when they're dead.
Okay, we're supposed to be different than everything else on the planet.
We love each other more than we love anything else.
You can use monkeys for experiments, but you can't use people.
Some states allow the remaining liquid with its
peptides, sugars, amino acids, and captured carbon to be reclaimed and
repurposed as fertilizer. Yo. Yo. They're turning. Do they have to tell you like
how they have to tell you if you're gonna buy a haunted house? Do they have to
you know there's a house where someone killed his whole family in it?
You know they have to tell you that you see that oak tree
That's off Joe Diaz by the way what no they look at it. They're making them to a soil right so
We use the joy Diaz would you do as particles that's right cocks like this
Do you think they have to tell you though?
That you're buying dead people fertilizer or they just consider it chemicals at that point
How do they get away with selling you dead people because it seems like if you had the option hey
Do you want like maneuver?
Whoa, that's it in 1888
They've been boiling people and
turned them into fertilizers since the 1800s so we have that machine but not no
fucking sewage Wow
trying to find out where they say that they've used it for other stuff
but the scary thing is what them saying that they use it for calcium
deficiencies because that means you're feeding people other people's bones
so they can get a source of calcium.
But that guy is vegan, so don't give it to him.
Maybe it's okay because the person consented.
Yeah, it's true.
Cremation social seems like a solid place. Huh
So body plus 95% water 5% alkaline basic chemicals either potassium
hydroxide or sodium hydroxide or a combo
sterile effluent water salt sugars amino acids peptides
bone fragments calcium phosphate
So that's what they get out of it. So they boil it down in this solution and they get out all these different things,
water, salt, sugar, amino acids, peptides, and then calcium phosphate.
And then I guess what do they do with the calcium? So if you're buying calcium
and you find out it's from dead people, they should probably let you know.
You probably should have to let people know that I
Drink dead people you would sell a lot if you made it from dead people for sure like if you had a skull and crossbones
On the bottle there's a lot of assholes would buy that but then people start
Looking at that like they'd look at chicken. How was he raised?
What kind of pair that he have oh yeah for sure?
Yeah, if you're really in the anxiety problems is are you really into eating someone?
What if they were a fucked up person and you take a little bit of their soul inside of you and you go insane?
Be crazy man. Well, that's gotta be what's happening with the cannibals when they get that disease and they all get that they get shaky
The pre on disease that they get from eating each other.
Did Jeffrey Dahmer have that?
I don't think so. I think you have to eat spinal tissue. You have to eat brain and spinal
tissue. And it's a, they're called prions. The thing about prions is you can't even boil
them. Like if you cook them at like a thousand degrees, I think for like hours, it doesn't
kill them
If you're big if you ever get to invite to a restaurant, they tell you you're just served your human being what you eat it
No Why would I eat a person or they tell you after man? You just ate a
What be really mad composed?
Acro-line body that we made into chicken
Yeah, I wouldn't like that. Would you like that Philippe? Hell no
Yeah, it would be weird needs more salt, please. Remember that movie Soylent Green. Do you remember that movie?
No, there's a old old timey science fiction movie
But people were being fed Soylent Green and then this guy figures out that Soylent Green is made out of people
And they're they're serving people like this fucking protein biscuit that's made out of humans.
Oh, that sucks.
Yeah, but there's people that would do that.
Is that the one, the old movie, right?
There's people that would do that.
Do they end with a woman boiling a foot?
Oh, I don't remember that.
Maybe.
I don't remember.
It was a long time ago.
I just remember the premise of the movie.
I probably haven't seen that movie in 20 plus years.
I saw one where a guy, a movie was called long time ago. I just remember the premise of the movie. I probably haven't seen that movie. I saw one where a guy was called a microwave massacre.
Microwave massacre?
And this guy murdered his wife.
In a microwave?
No, he cuts her pieces and microwaves the body and makes lunches and he takes them to work every day.
Wait, this is a real guy?
Real movie.
Wait, a real movie or a real person?
It's a real movie called Microwave Massacre, but probably based on a real guy real movie with a real movie or a real person a real movie called microwave massacre
But I'm a real guy
He would take on food that he made it from people he murdered and they would eat it at work
And they when they finally caught him everybody at work was throwing up
I think there was a woman who got caught eating her husband and serving him to the neighbors
Wow, how much you have to hate that dude
to serve him to you? How much do you hate your neighbors? Say I'm gonna watch these
motherfuckers eat my husband. I'm gonna cook it up nice. Cook up that ass cheek.
I hear you really like my husband. You're gonna love this dish. This is his favorite.
Jesus Christ. I made a consomme for him too. A nice bone broth. Good for the soul.
Yeah, so that's where that shit comes from. Prions. They're scary. That's mad cow disease.
That's what cannibals get. It's a very sketchy disease disease. There's another one right now that deers have it's called chronic wasting disease
same same kind of deal it's a prion disease and
Deers are getting it and they froth at the mouth and drool and they their their body shrivels up very creepy man
You can eat those new you can because there's no crossover to people, but I wouldn't suggest it
I wouldn't recommend it. I mean I wouldn't the thing is you can test and you could find out if your deer is okay
Like you can shoot them and then test them and then you know, you're good to go and you eat the deer
But if it's a test positive, it hasn't jumped from animal to people. It's only an animal
But that's what it does to animals is so grave. Why would you take that chance?
This is how I feel like why would you take that chance? This is how I feel.
Why would you take a chance of consuming an animal
that literally has a plague inside of it?
Because for deer, that's the plague.
These deer, they're not even, see,
the thing with people, a disease like that
would spread like wildfire, right?
With deer, they're out in these big, giant, open areas,
and yet still, it's spreading from their saliva
onto leaves and then other deer pick it up.
Yeah.
It's super fucking contagious and it kills the shit out of them.
And if that jumps to people, that's a real problem.
That's a real fucking problem.
Because I don't know if they have medication that
combats it in deer. I don't know what research they've done in trying to figure it out. But
I know it's such a problem that there's a lot of places where they're killing extra
deer just to try to keep the populations lower so they don't interact with each other as
much and so they don't catch it from giving it back and forth to each other as much.
And people have this right now?
No humans have it yet. But I think chronic wasting disease has been,
it used to be one type of deer.
I'm not sure what deer it started out with.
It might have been mule deer.
But it's in a lot of white tail deer in America.
And apparently, it's made its way into other ungulates.
Like I think it's in elk.
I think they might have even found it in moose. It scary shit man because it's basically a zombie virus it turns you
crazy skeleton and you waste away yeah it's horrific and it's probably some of
it came from farms because they think that that's one of the ways that it's
spread like there's a lot of deer farms that do a great job.
They're very ethical.
So if you wanted a property and you wanted your own private hunting property and you
wanted to put a high fence up, take care of the ground, put food plots in there for the
animals, this is how you, you know, you got a thousand acres, you want to fence it all
in, like, you could do that in Texas and you can buy deer.
So you say, okay, I want to buy, you know, like 20 white-tailed deer and let them loose
on my property.
You know, you got this thousand acre spot or wherever you're at.
If you get a deer that is from a farm that's unethical, they're all going to be stacked
next to each other just like pigs.
When you watch fucking factory farming for pigs, they're going to be corralled and shitty.
Most of them don't do this, but you're always gonna have people that are unethical.
And when people do things where diseases start getting spread
and they kind of cover it up or lie about it
because they don't want to lose money,
and then they're sending deer around.
So like, there's a lot of regulations now
on how you can move deer across state lines
because of these diseases.
If you have bad deer meat,
can you cover it up with a bunch of good
deer meat where that bad meat disappears? What do you mean? She say like cuz I
remember myself cooking and I had like I spilled like a shitload of garlic on my
oatmeal and I was making oatmeal for 15 motherfuckers in rehab. So I just started putting more oatmeal, more oatmeal,
and more milk to hide the garlic smell. But in the end, everybody was farting anyway,
so they still got it. But do people do that? What you're saying that people do that with
deer meat? That they cover it up?
You could do that. Yeah, you could make sausage.
That the people who are not unethical, they hide it by it.
No, no, no. See, what we're talking about, chronic wasting disease,
that's different.
It probably wouldn't even affect the taste of the animal.
They'd probably be very lean because there's not
much left of them.
Or they could have just gotten it,
and they could be healthy looking,
and they still have this disease.
They still test positive for it.
My fear would be about what that disease is going to do
if it jumps to human beings.
And if you're consuming it,
are we sure that it just goes out of your system?
Or is it just inert?
Is it doesn't work in your system?
Could it work eventually?
Is it something that has an incubation period
that maybe, maybe not now.
Maybe it will have one in five years from now
or 10 years from now.
Maybe the version of chronic wasting disease,
if it evolves and changes,
is gonna be making the jump to humans.
That's a scary fucking disease to make the jump to humans
You know, there's a bunch of those out there. They're through. Yeah, man, and then there's the ones that we make
No like coven they fucking made that shit in the lab they made it in a lab it's spread across the world
Do you think they made AIDS in a lab?
made it in a lab it's spread across the whole world. You think they made AIDS in a lab? Did you say like AIDS? Like AIDS. I read that somewhere, they make all that shit in labs.
Well.
Isn't it like part of like chemical warfare right?
That is a part of chemical warfare yeah.
Like putting disease blankets on natives you know and.
Well they've done a bunch of fucking studies like that's the the big
Influenza blankets that's what they had oh yeah, no no that was smallpox smallpox
But I don't know if that's even true because I don't think they really knew what like how diseases were spread back then
I don't think they knew that you could just like put scabs on a blanket and give people smallpox. And if you had smallpox, are
you trying to dish out smallpox? Are you trying to catch it so you're handling it
then putting it in blankets? It seems like an exaggerated cruelty of what
happened. And what happened was Europeans came over here, the Native Americans had
you know whatever you want to call them, the indigenous people, they did not have any immunity to smallpox and it wiped out 90% of them.
Diseases from North Americans or from Europeans rather, coming to North America, they wiped
out everybody with disease.
It's somewhere in the neighborhood of 90% of the people that were here are gone because
of disease. So you know when people want to think that there's
there's no way to prepare like a group of human beings that has no immunity in
you know 1492. There's no way to there's no way to prepare. There's no way to
prepare anybody. You're coming in with these stinky European streets filled with shit water, right?
Everybody's got some funky
Parasite funky disease. They probably fucking stink. They're probably
Infested with probably smell that bullet of all the way
They probably have viruses fighting viruses inside their body
Coughing phlegm and blood and they're drinking whiskey and they come over to the heavy sex with each other
Yeah, and it's probably none of its consensual
It's probably animals biting each other and hold each other down fucking each other and then they come to North America and they start
slaughtering people and there's this one
We've talked about this before he was like a bishop or some religious man who chronicled
one of Christopher Columbus's early interactions with these people.
And it's horrific shit, man.
Cutting people's arms off if they don't bring back their weight in gold and dashing babies
on rocks in front of their parents.
Horrific shit, man.
Those are the kind of people
that brought those diseases.
Like you wanna talk about, that's like a real demon horde.
Crazy, huh?
Crazy.
A real demon horde of people come over on a boat stinking,
covered in their own shit, breathing diseases on everybody.
Everybody's dying, like, what is this?
So unhealthy.
I know, man, like um I think about um
That out that pirate um
Okay, I don't know one of the pirates blackbeard blackbeard man. He was full of gonorrhea
Oh that he would drop bomb he would drop
Mercury on his penis
To kid to our really to for out to cure his diseases on his penis because that's all they had
The what a good move who invented that
What asshole was like try mercury? He probably was on a pirate ship somewhere made a voodoo doctor and say man
Mercury put in your dick did mercury kill his dick
Yeah
It says when held prison when he held prisoners for ransom such as the governor's son during the weeklong
Charlestown blockade in 1718, he asked for expensive medical supplies.
This included liquid mercury, which when injected through a urethral syringe was a common, ineffective
treatment for syphilis.
Injected through your pee hole with a fucking syringe. Yo
Blackberry blackbeard had up to 14 wives in different ports Wow
damn
Well somebody's doing movie about that guy imagine man
He had the money to put mercury in his dick the rest of the crew probably didn't. So they're out there fucking everything, man.
Fucking shit up.
There's this temple in China that they are afraid to go into. They discovered it, and
this emperor when he died was such a great emperor that he had this whole field of terracotta
statues that were built that looked like warriors that are guarding him. Like, it's crazy discovery
that they had.
They're giant, right?
But the ground all around where this temple is
is a test for high levels of mercury.
And the ancient story is that anybody
who ever dared open up this temple,
open up this tomb, rather,
where this emperor's buried, will drown in mercury. I thought you were gonna say they got gonorrhea.
No, imagine drowning in mercury.
Fuck that.
Imagine like 2,000 years ago, a dude sets up a booby trap for greedy people and sets
it up where he fills the entire tomb up with mercury.
First of all, is that even possible?
How much mercury would you have to handle and how many people would have to die from
that mercury?
Could you imagine where first of all where did you even get it? Yeah, where do they get mercury in?
2,000 plus years ago. Do you know that story about that Emperor in his temple?
No, to to a con is Aztec
Yeah, that's probably a common booby-track, I bet. But this one where there's Temple in China.
On top of Google, it says Temple drowned in Mercury refers to the Temple of Tiwotivokon.
Can you say Temple booby-trapped with Mercury in China?
I think it's like the first emperor of China.
It says it too.
I mean, it says it could have been the thing that they did on Earth.
It says it was in China.
Yeah, this is the one.
So there's one that they have not entered into.
And I think this is the one with the terracotta statues in front of it.
There's one of the...
I think this is a common thing when great people die.
They probably made a terracotta army for them.
When they find these things it's like
you here it is it's us talking about it crazy story first emperor of china's tomb
that's me and schultz talking about it right click on that
so i'll remember it's not our video it's my fucking video bitch somebody else's video
oh somebody else uploaded well that's ridiculous but it's ours right yeah it's not our video. It's my fucking video bitch somebody else's video. Oh somebody else uploaded
Well, that's ridiculous, but it's ours, right? Yeah, it's what he wouldn't so what do you what is this?
I mean like they would have a copyright on my voice
Want to get into it? But yeah, we probably have the the revenues probably come into our thing if you have people claiming it
But it's up. I'm just saying that's what bringing that up was a lot of the clip
I watched are from all the people sharing them. I was just saying it's not ours So I don't know if okay, right, right. Okay. Okay okay don't put it up then yeah got it but
anyway the point is this there's a tomb in China it's supposedly booby-trapped
with tons of liquid mercury I'm sure Jamie will find it but it's this area
around it apparently tests high for mercury so they think that it might be a
true story and they don't want to go in there.
They don't want to open up the door and die.
Which is wild that this dude set this up, if he did, 2000 plus years ago.
I don't even remember how many thousands of years ago it was, but it was insanely impressive.
Wow, this is amazing to think of something like that and it still works.
Yeah, like where the f—
Where do you think, while Jamie's looking this up, where the where do you think while Jamie's looking this up?
Where the fuck do you think they get mercury and how much can they get how much can they have back then?
I've only seen a thermometer. I know like where they get it throughout antiquities. Remember we've talked about cinnabar before
Sinabar Sinabar from the sound of the it's where they got red stuff also
Cinnabar and antiquity was the source of all mercury.
So how did they do it?
Did they pull of it?
How did they do it?
Does it say how they did it?
The man who says to extract you need to roast it in air, convert the sulfur to sulfur dioxide.
While the mercury is released as vapor, it can be then condensed.
It's mercury boils at 357 Celsius.
This process needs temperatures well within.
They did some kilns.
They had those.
Wow.
So, they just cooked up mercury.
It's just hard to do, but they did it.
Wow.
Well, if they can make a temple like this guy had, they can cook up mercury and fill
that temple.
That is crazy to think of.
I wish maybe there's going to be a way with new technology where they can like pierce
into the ground, where they can see into things without having to like
actually go in there physically because I know they're doing like the lidar
stuff I know they can kind of detect where they used to be agriculture
places someone digging into is this claim real and this says that even if
so even though mercury either as a cinnabar or as the elemental metal, has been
found in tombs dating as far back as the second millennium BC, it's not clear why it was put
there. Might its toxicity have acted as a deterrent to grave looters? Probably not. The dangers of
mercury fumes were not recognized until Han times. If so, it seems, there's a lot of mercury in the burial chamber.
It's likely to be either a preservative or an anti-theft device. So the big theory is
that it's an anti-theft device, and that's why people are terrified of going in there.
Here, hold it right here. Based on estimates of mercury production from the Song era and
allowing for the imperfections of the earlier refinement process he thinks the chamber might have contained at most
100 tons of the liquid metal
Holy shit
a
Hundred tons how did black beer fight this shit who Whoo? Well, that wasn't black beer. That was China
How do you fight mercury back there?
Shiver me Timber probably had a bot. Oh, they have like a look at that. That was the device they stuck in their dick
Oh my god, that's a saying right shiver me timbers
That was a surprise or shock I think they're saying that just for funsies. Oh, yeah. They found this in a wreck. Oh my
god. I had a mercury. For my peepee. And look, it's all rough looking. It's not even polished
good. He probably drawn in the map. Don't go over there, man. If you're going to go
to this island, take a lot of mercury of mercury meanwhile they all died from that right?
Sifilis look at this a pump cluster which would have been to use pump fluid into the rectum allowing the body to quickly absorb it
They were taken
Like animals they're boofin they're boofin so they were doing that for drugs
Pump liquid into the rhythm
Yeah liquid into the rectum aren't people doing that like moonshine don't they pour moonshine their asshole
This is what I heard they pour coffee now. I heard people take tampons filled with vodka and stuff from in their asshole I mean, they've been doing it
Days the Pirates, that's not new
Dehydration by pumping fluid on the people
People like putting stuff on their but also a bloodletting instrument called a porringer I had a buddy mine and he did his
Medical residency or in Miami in the 1980s during the cocaine times and he said dude
He that's where he does residency show he was in the emergency room
So it's like every day someone's coming in with something
stuffed up their ass.
They're a coke dyer of their mind.
They got GI Joe stuffed up their ass.
They got, he found people with light bulbs,
those like twisty pine cone looking light bulbs
stuck up their ass.
Damn.
Bro, all kinds of things stuck up their ass.
I did a show at Lump Bucks Day Penitentiary
and one of the guards told me that um some guy made a vibrator out of
seven handballs
You know the one the void
And he put he taped them all up and then um, what happened? How do you guys know?
Well, he didn't tie them up too good. They're all stuck in there to take them all out
Oh, no He didn't tie him up good. Yeah're all stuck in there to take them all out oh no he didn't tie him up good yeah he didn't put enough wrapping I guess so
they go in his butt and get all those balls yeah how many were in there like
five whatever whatever how many balls make this and you thought he was hiding
a knife that's a hard way to go too because sometimes people die that way.
You get, you know, toxic shock. Something goes wrong. You tear your rectum. You bleed out
internally.
Stuffing things up your ass like the Mr. Hand story. You know the Mr. Hand story, right?
No. There's a whole movie based on it called Zoo. Zoo is a
it's a thing called zoofilia where people are sexually attracted to farm
animals. And so these people met up online and they found out that you're still allowed to fuck
animals in Washington state. So they all went to Washington state. This is Washington state,
right? Yeah. It was based on true story. And this dude got fucked to death by a horse. They had
bring him to the emergency room like what's going on and you know? Everyone's acting a little shifty
And then they have to tell the whole story and they find out these people have like hundreds of hours of people getting fucked by
Donkeys and horses and shit and they all did this out on this this weird ranch
Wow, yeah, you know what? That's how the dude died one of the first books
You know they should be lost sex books when we were kids.
And they were all nasty books about sex.
The first one I ever read was about people having sex with animals.
But they were like, remember those penthouse stories or Playboy stories?
But these were all with animals.
And I remember the woman telling the whole story about having sex with a horse and like just riding that fool.
You never see the Mr. Hans video.
There's a video, one video that got leaked online way back in the day.
Brian Redband sent it to me and it's this dude getting railed by the horse.
And it's not even the one where he dies apparently.
He dies in another video.
But in this video you see the size of the horse's dick and you see his body
And you see his ass and you're like
There's no way how many people have helped them because it's one guy one guy grabbed it and just pointed it in the right direction
And the horse was one gigantic thrust of death the guy makes this horrible sound and then his friend goes too much
and then his friend goes too much and then his friend
is like, oh he came, he came, the horse came.
And you're like, this is the sickest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life.
And that's how that guy died.
That guy in that video that's getting fucked by that horse was the guy who eventually dies
from it.
Did they put the horse to sleep afterwards?
I don't think so.
It's not the horse's fault.
The fuck did the horse do?
The horse is going to, you know, I wouldn't bend over in front of him. Right? He's kind of conditioned now. It's not the horses fault. Fuck the horse too. The horse is gonna, you know, I wouldn't bend over in front of him
Right. He's kind of conditioned now. It's not his fault.
The media kind of says they only found out about all this because he died. Yes. Like yeah, that's what I said.
Oh, yeah, but it's like, yeah.
Was that his first time? Or did he try with ponies first?
No, he had been fucked by a bunch of horses or a bunch of times by the same horse
But there was like apparently many hours this guy getting fucked by horses
I like that all 100 VHS tapes and DVDs, but we all right now like an urban legend like
DJ and saw a donkey show you want to see it
You're short. Yeah
Do you have it you can still get it right? I don't know where to look I'll look I bet you could get it
I bet if you put it on up on X X is one of the few places where actually it's actually illegal
So maybe you can't have it on X
Because bestiality it wasn't illegal when they were doing it though. Yeah, there's a point
No, that's what's called. That's called bestiality when you have sex with a with an animal okay?
It's called your fucking gross. What's the one you have said with their bodies?
That is necrophilia right?
Yeah, you can't find an X different search result that pops up. Oh, yeah, they probably game the search results now, right?
Yeah
People have said with animals right like since so you want to talk about gangs in New York,
how ugly it was.
Right.
Don't play with a no.
People just fucked everything that was in front of them.
A moose.
OK, here it is.
Headphones, please.
We'll make sure it.
Oh.
Yeah, there it is, baby.
I mean, you verify that that's it?
Oh, that's 100% it.
OK.
Absolutely.
Go full screen.
And don't show it on screen at all.
Seeky. Don't show it on screen at all
Mute the sound when we play this nope nope let's hear it
It's on porn site I guess here we go here's the sound
That's where we burst him so that's the guys but the horse gets on top of them and then the guy grabs it. Look at this, watch this. Look at the distance.
Look at the amount of tissue we're talking about here. Watch this. Like long down silver.
Watch this. Okay.
This is on a loop.
This is repeating.
This is repeating.
Yeah.
This is already, the whole thing really only lasts a couple of seconds.
Wow. That guy died. That guy has no ass. Yeah, this is it's already the whole thing really only lasts a couple of seconds Wow
The guy has no movies fascinating because the movie is like a documentary
Sort of recreation of those people and it's not like that You don't see things but you just see how fucking bananas the horse is known for that
Because he's here to know what he was doing He probably been fucking that guy for a long time
They probably doing that's what I'm saying like it killed him one day, but I think he had done a show that right cuz no
No, we don't come after
Yeah, we were just making noises
that is um
Mr. What the my name is mr.. Ed's people out there that are out of their fucking minds
They're out of their fucking mind. You're getting fucked to death by a horse in a grainy video
You know like what what is life for you?
That will be crazy
That's your thing you get off work at 5 and I think the guy who died was an intelligent guy was he it wasn't he an engineer worked at Boeing for over eight years
Bro, he was a Boeing
Engineer who liked to get fucked to death by a horse that horses dick is as long as an arm
Look at how long that dick is. Oh like long don't you see the size of that thing like 17 and a half inches
It was gigantic. It's probably bigger than that when it goes into his body. It's like this. Where's the room? Where's the space?
How how do you walk warm up to it? I guess you start with fingers
They move up to catch your bottles the ability to experience certain sensations after a motorcycle accident oh
So that was the only good feel thing going ham. Oh god, that's terrifying
That's terrifying. I don't know why I started filming it though
Well, you know what that also kind of makes sense, right because we've talked about this many times about brain injuries
About people with brain injuries. They get very impulsive and they do reckless things.
That totally makes sense.
If this guy had a motorcycle accident
that fucked up the way he feels thing,
he probably got wrecked.
That's crazy, man.
So he got wrecked, he probably got a brain injury
and it probably turned him into a wild man.
I twisted my ankle, man.
Now I wanna move to fuck me in the ass.
You wanna get fucked to death by a wild animal
To get butt-fucked by a bear
Yeah, but did you you break your brain in that way? Like for some people they're just different now. Yeah now they're different
I've seen it happen to a bunch of dudes when they've been knocked out
been knocked out really bad but that
crazy good like kid knocked out the fuck out and you wake up and goes is there a horse nearby
because i'm really horny right now well who knows what's going on with the chemistry of your brain
you just want experience you want excitement you want to see if you could suck a horse's cock
but that goes back to your old bit old joke man man old joke just say hey you take a break today
Yeah, take a day off
You know nice thing you got that joke about open the playboy mansion and and you said that what's his name?
Well, whatever he would have a we're both in a while a gay will pop in and then he goes and then the punch line was
Nah, man, you take a break Don't punch line was now man. You take a break
Don't start fucking guys. Yeah, you take a break. Yeah, relax. Yeah, crazy. Yeah, you can't you fucking take a day You know that for a guy you take a break
I think for some people with brain injuries though, they get addicted to skydiving they get addicted to gambling they get addicted to like really
Reckless behavior you're abusing was in a head injury, right? Oh bad one. What are you up to? He
Looks like he's been in an accident. He he fell on a motorcycle and hit his head on the curb with no helmet on
Yeah, it was a bad one. So California didn't used to have a helmet law back. There's because of him though
Well, I don't know if it's because of him
So he helped it but I know that people wanted,
I'm torn on that shit.
It's like yeah, you should have helmet laws
because there's 18 year old boys out there
that can have motorcycles and that's fucking crazy.
That's crazy.
I am so glad that when I was 18
I never got a fucking motorcycle.
Once you've fought over motorcycles,
like 70 miles an hour, the helmet is like nothing, right? You're not gonna nothing. It depends on how you fall. I never got a fucking motorcycle once you thought of a motorcycle like I'm at
70 miles an hour the helmet is like nothing right and like nothing depends on how you fall are you far right? Yeah, you might slide if you slide you probably just get your skin ripped from your body
Did you survive a yeah, bro? Just woke up to a fetish?
Yeah, but that's the thing man if you get really banged you could have some screwy brain waves after that
You know and you could think everyone's out to get you you get like people get real weird
They get real weird and they feel like extra vulnerable to it
You know their brains not working the same anymore, so they don't know who they are anymore
They don't feel like they used to feel yeah, they started to feel crazy
You know and they start thinking no one wants to help them. You suck it really angry real negative
And then you get fucked by a horse
It's just
Up at all the things that you could be doing that that's that's how you chose to go out all these things that you could be doing
You know you could be seeing the world
He said nah, I want to see biscuit you could be a food blogger
Ponies He said, nah, I want a sea biscuit. You could be a food blogger. Nah, ponies.
You could be a fashion influencer.
Nope.
Nah, I want to be Willie Shoemaker.
I want to get taken out by a horse.
Black stallion.
In some dirty barn somewhere.
That's where you breathe your last breath.
In a dirty barn with horse jizz in your asshole.
What does Fred do? What? do what I know is they freaked out
They brought him to the hospital. They try to drop him off then the the cops start questioning him
I believe I'm paraphrasing for sure, but I think that's how they got busted
They brought off the guy and he's got a giant hole in his asshole
He's pale like a sheet
The same face what why is he why is the inside of his
body missing why does he have a fucking telephone pole why could we see his
shoes through his mouth what is going on with this dude what did you do what'd
you do that story about Jimi Hendrix still freaks me out I think the manager
thinking about the entire time we've been talking I go back to the idea of them just pouring pills
Down the greatest guitarist of all times mouth and then just pouring jugs of wine down holding them down and that's how he dies
Mother fucker that's scary
his manager mother
US manager said the story is not sure just of course I would say that too. Yeah, I
Would say that too
I mean, I don't know if it's true who fucking knows but the idea and he did but he definitely did die
He definitely did die by
Exfixiation some people say also like that the CIA did it
Jimmy Hendrix, I don't know. I haven't heard that one
But if anything happens, people always think
the CIA was involved somehow.
Anything, no matter what it is, right?
Yeah.
Pretty much.
They always say that.
Yeah, I don't trust nothing.
Secret agent, man.
Yeah, it's either them, or it's China, or it's Russia.
Who's really sending me this text telling me
that I'm qualified for the $4,000 savings?
Who's, you know those texts you get?
Like who's sending those? Who's texts? You know those texts you get? Like who's sending those?
Who's texts?
You know those texts you get?
Like random texts.
Hey, congratulations.
You receive approval for your loan.
Oh, I don't get those.
You don't get those?
I get them from a dude named Ray.
So Ray had my fucking phone number before I moved here.
Fucking Ray Ray.
Ray must have signed up to every goddamn list.
Ray must have put in that number every chance he could. I keep getting these fucking text messages for Ray and it's all like loans and
you qualify for this and this is available. We're looking for someone to hire. There's
always some weird scams.
You qualify for aluminum sidings.
I don't understand how they can't stop that from happening This seems weird that you get so many of them
You get so many of these scam things or they get a hold of your your phone number and just spam you lies
I think um they think you get to a certain age 50 and I think you're gullible to these tricks now
Well, I think young people are go. Yeah, they said they sent it to 22 euros. Hey, man, you were
Fix your fix your home?
Or do you have a home?
If you're dumb, if you're dumb and you're 22 and you get something that you qualified for 4,000,
oh shit, they think this is me.
And you say, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll take that money.
And then, you know, whatever the fuck they do. I don't know what they do.
There was a guy in Laulet that was calling women at their jobs
and telling them they had won something and he convinced
them to cut their heels off their shoes.
And he wouldn't film it?
No, he was just calling them out randomly, hey you just won't blah blah blah blah.
All you gotta do is cut your heels off your shoes right now.
And women were doing it and he called a bunch of chicks and they all just fucked up their
shoes for nothing.
Oh, what an asshole. It's funny but it's also like- He called a bunch of chicks and they all just fucked up their shoes for nothing. Oh
It's funny but it's not person with me and I wasn't but it was somebody rude thing to do to a lady
Especially if it's your favorite shoes, you only have one pair not my red bottoms bro. Shoes are hard to get those bitches are expensive, right? Yeah, so why are we so lucky? We don't have to wear shoes that hurt
Girls wear shoes that hurt they think I'm wearing for so long. I can't imagine I
Don't even like wearing things other than sneakers. Yeah, or like a comfortable boot like, you know
I got a pair of couple pairs of these origin boots
They're real comfortable easy to walk around in like nice smooth leather. They ever have boots
Boots are great. But the point is they're cowboy boots
I've had Doc Martin but not cowboy boots point is they don't hurt to wear but ladies are always wearing shoes that hurt
What crazy choice five inch heels?
Stalettos that's probably why they have better pain tolerance to they have to give birth and they wear shoes
That hurt all the time. so they have to deal with pain.
We're so lucky we don't have any of that stupid shit.
Imagine if we had to wear makeup every day.
Imagine what it would be like.
Like Felipe, what have you done to your eyes?
I don't know man, I put mercury on them.
Isn't that interesting?
Like women all, I mean most, a lot, let's say a lot of women wear makeup every day or wake up makeup regularly on a regular basis. They wear makeup
It's not a very rare occasion thing most I don't know what the number is want to find out
Let's let's Google it because that's probably a lot of that stuff's probably not healthy for you either right? What's in those colors?
What's it? What kind of dies are you the red dye huh? Like what is all that stuff made out of are we sure I? Mean maybe some of it's really good for you. Maybe some of it's terrible for you
Maybe it's just like the scented candle lipstick well another lipsticks
For the native lipsticks is made out of smash little bugs
Yeah, that's one of the red dye things the red little bugs you put them on here
Gonna be better than a horse up your ass. So percentage
Reported. Okay, 43% of US women reported wearing makeup daily or weekly
But it doesn't break out the daily portion explicitly
Rewinding to 2019 same source noted a higher share of women wearing makeup daily
Gen Z 18 to 24 at 30% and Millennials 25 to 34 at 35%
suggesting a decline over time. Separate 2023, you gov poll of a thousand US women found that 38%
wear makeup at least a few times a week or daily with older women 65 plus being the most likely
to wear it daily compared to younger groups. They were all wore it daily back in the day right you
got to keep up you looks Gladys go that back back up again please another study
from 2017 by Statista indicated 41% of US women aged 30 to 59 wear makeup daily
yeah there was a woman back in the I don't know if it's 1800 1900 there was a woman back in the 1800 or 1900 she was the first woman to
make a woman's magazine on clothing and home gardening how to cook. She was the first lady to
put recipes in a magazine. Oh yeah? Kind of like for a homemaker. Right. And then yeah
there was a magazine back then. I don't know what the magazine but Jamie Google is makeup bad for you
What do you think
Google is makeup toxic when I was a kid my seventh grade teacher thought it was bad
Put on don't put on that me go young girl. Well, we toxic makeup for sure
Are the in whatever what are the ingredients and makeup that are toxic?
Are the in whatever the what are the ingredients and makeup that are toxic?
That's right the lady of the green makeup. Yes, bro. No the lady with the green makeup the way of
The Tin Man which yeah, they got real sick man. Yes, some makeup can be toxic Wow
Lead mercury and arsenic heavy metals can be found in cosmetics phthalates common contaminant and cosmetics
Formaldehyde a chemical found in some makeup. Yeah, man. That's what like comedians back then stop black-facing
Man that's scary shit
That's scary shit. I wonder if that contributes to a higher incidence of certain
Issues health issues that maybe women have that were used daily. I wonder if that contributes to a higher incidence of certain Issues health issues that maybe women have that wear it use it daily. I wonder how money um gonna wonder right? How about the the people that worked the news back then in the 450 they were a shit load of makeup. Oh, yeah
Yeah, and what the fuck kind of makeup did they had back then? It was probably all chemicals cake makeup
Yeah back then. That's probably all chemicals. Cake makeup, man. Yeah, bro. What the fuck did they make that stuff out of? Yeah.
Yeah, man, like, you don't have to wear that, ladies.
We're not that complicated.
You guys gotta wear makeup when you do the UFC fights?
No, I don't.
To the lights?
I don't wear anything.
I'm like, are you crazy?
I have to go in there with dudes
who literally have their head split open, you know?
I have to interview people that are soaked in blood
and sometimes the blood is spitting out onto the microphone
while I'm talking to them.
Oh my God, I never noticed that.
That happens?
All the time, I get blood on me all the time.
Like the idea of me wearing makeup to look better
while I'm out there, while they're dealing with people
that just got their face punched in is crazy.
That's ridiculous, I won't do it.
So when they're speaking to you,
like when you get a fighter that's real bloody
Like you can what what's um?
You're really up close to these guys
What do you see on the rise after a fight like when they're and they're also bleeding man. Do you see it like
You see like they're insensitive man. You see things like other people don't see when you're interviewing
I'm sure you see something you're been in a fight right in front of them.
Yeah I think you're probably going to get more of a sense of how they feel after it's
over.
There's like some historic moments where you can see that when the fighter wins it's like
it's a big fucking deal.
And one of my favorite ones was when Israel Adesanya had his second UFC fight against
Alex Perer and he knocks him him down knocks him out cold beautiful
Clean right hand then finished him on the ground and then fires off three arrows into his body. Oh, yeah, remember that guy. Oh
I mean that was a fucking
Classic moment and then he grabs a microphone and gives like one of the most
inspirational speeches the
Pull that speech up. Yeah, cuz it's amazing. This is my favorite moment, I think, of anybody after they want to fight. Because it's just like this was real in the
moment from a guy who's the fucking boogeyman, dude. Alex Pereira is the boogeyman. He's
the scariest motherfucker in the sport. He knocked Izzy out twice. He left hook KO'd
him in kickboxing and then he beat him down in the UFC and then Izzy out twice he left hook KO'd him and kickboxing and then he
beat him down in the UFC and then Izzy finally knocked him out and when he
knocked him out when he fires those arrows into his body and then see if you
find that speech and when you hear it man you're like wow that's like that's
what that's what makes the whole career worth it these moments where you reach
out and you touch the world.
I hope every one of you can feel this level of happiness
just one time in your life.
You never feel this level of happiness
if you don't go for something.
When they knock you down, when they talk about you,
if you stay down, you will never ever get that resolve
Fortify your mind and feel this level of happiness as you rise
One time your life, but I'm blessed to be able to feel this again and again and again and again and again
Amazing amazing
That's like human fuel
You hear someone saying something like that after doing something like that that can help you all throughout your day as human fuel
Amazing
Amazing if you're gonna go go all the way or don't even try yeah, I'll try Bukowski
That guy was you're gonna go go all the way or don't even try this could mean losing girlfriends. It could mean
Losing wives relatives. It could be spent time spent in jail
Lonely nights and the dark lonely night by yourself
Yeah, but in the end is all worth it. I don't know the rest. Yeah, that's a great
Yeah, he was did you ever see the movie that he did on with Mickey Rourke?
Both.
They did two movies? Who did the other one?
The one with Matt Dillon called Factotum too.
When was that?
That came out in like in 2000 something and he plays them at a different,
I thought there's Barfly and there's Factotum.
Factotum, he plays them at that age.
He's way too handsome.
Yeah, but he-
How dare he? He plays them good. How dare he? Yeah and he's way too handsome. Yeah, but how dare he he plays them good
Yeah, he's way too handsome
That's outrageous
Mickey work made himself look fucked up. Yeah, those two are my friends, you know, he like yeah
Sharp because kids actually in bar flight one of the one of the drugs in the bar. Yeah
How women in the world are whore?
Just mine. You ever see one of those readings that he used to do? He used to do these readings he'd read from
his books and people would yell and he fucking you have hecklers and shit and yell out to
them. He's just a guy just constantly drunk with profound yeah man when I when I when I
started reading I wanted to read books about authors that were from Los Angeles
like in the 40s and 50s because he's gonna know and I said I gotta find
something that that talks about Los Angeles these streets that I live in and
there was Charlie Bukowski he writes about Los Angeles and I found out that his inspiration was a guy named
um man what's his name he he he writes just like Charles Bukowski he wrote a
he wrote a book called Ask the Dust and he adventures of Arturo Bandini I went I'm lost
here of his of his name but he's John Fonte yes John F but John Fonte, yes, John Fonte.
John Fonte wrote books in the style of Charles Bukowski,
and Charles Bukowski, when he found out about him,
he helped him publish all his books again.
So that's why I know that John Fonte exists,
because Charles Bukowski,
he republished all his books for him
when he was dying of diabetes.
So after Dusk, bro, he talks about Los Angeles
during 1932, bro, when Los Angeles had a metro rail
and the 1932 earthquake in Los Angeles.
So this guy's from Los Angeles,
he talks about Armenians and working the docs in 1920s. Wow.
That's a great catch. I want to know alcoholics, bro. This guy's an alcoholic.
And so is Charlie Bukowski.
These are dudes that work jobs and still were authors.
Imagine going from those guys to tick talkers at BOA.
Exactly.
Yeah, exactly. Like these guys actually had jobs during the day.
Charlie Bukowski, he worked at the post-op.
He never worked, he never quit.
And Arturo Brandini, what's his name?
The other guy, he started writing for Hollywood
and he just disappeared.
Oh yeah? Yeah.
Oh, like writing screenplays or something?
Writing screenplays, he got into under contract.
Yeah man, there's a lot of talented writers
who just decide to write for a company.
They just kind of like give up on the dream.
Do it for a job.
Did you ever get hired to be a writer
and then you said this is not for me?
I got a book deal once and I gave them the money back
because they had too much input.
They wanted to have too much input.
And then they wanted me to transcribe my stand up.
That was one of their ideas.
That's a terrible idea.
They're like, George Carlin did it.
I'm like, well, that's fine.
I love George Carlin, but so what?
I'm not doing that.
That doesn't make any sense to me.
Why would I want the worst version
of what the ideas are, which is just print?
The best version is a live performed version.
Second best version is a video.
Worst for sure is print.
Audio is slightly better.
But it's like, you don't want to do that.
Why would I do that?
That's a dumb way to write a book.
I just want to write about things that I'm thinking about.
Yeah, why would you write your whole set list on a book?
And then I realize if I'm going to write something
I have to want to, and it has to be something that I do
because I'm controlling the entire thing. And then if they like it like it if they don't they don't but it's it's not
something that I would ever want to have somebody help me out with. According to
this article about him part of the reason why he didn't explode when other
writers did is because his publisher was in a legal battle for an unauthorized
publication of Mein Kampf. Whoa! Oh I said I didn't know that! That's good to know. Whoa!
Holy shit! Yeah. Wow! The financial drain on the publisher hampered the
distribution of Ask the Dust. Yes. While Pham put out a short story collection
Dago read in 1940 more than a decade would pass before another Bandini novel.
Wow. Yeah he disappeared. He created a bunch of stories about this fake. He used to live in Delta. 1940 more than a decade would pass before another bandini novel
Battle with Adolf Hitler was his publisher did but yeah, that's crazy
Insane that's crazy
Dude, I'm gonna read that. Is it on audio? I hope it's on audiobook. I'm so lazy
Rating rate reading a book right now
It's too daunting It's too daunting Felipe one more time. Tell everybody special on Netflix available right now
Oh my Netflix special available right now
raging fool on Netflix
Go check it out directed by my wife Lisa's old Daniel and I'll give a shout out to my my
My brother-in-law who listens to you religiously with his daughters
Johnny oh Daniel, what's up? Oh, shout out to John in Ohio. All right
Instagram all that shit. What is it? Oh, my Instagram is on Philippa Sparza. My is my website is
Philippa's world calm My Instagram is on Felipe Esparza. My website is felipesworld.com. I'll be in, I don't know
when this airs, I'll be in Grand Rapids, Iowa and Indianapolis, helium.
But um-
When are those dates?
I don't know.
Okay. Go to the website. Go to the website.
But April 5th, I'll be in San Diego with Paul Rodriguez and April 25th I'll be in San Diego
with a bunch of comedians.
Beautiful.
Alright, Felipe.
Always good to see you my brother.
Thank you bro, happy to meet you.
Thanks for being here.
Alright, bye buddy.