The Joe Rogan Experience - #2291 - Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comic, podcaster, and actor. He's the host of "The Bertcast" podcast and YouTube cooking program "Something's Burning." He's also the co-host of the "2 Bears, 1 Cave" podcast with fellow comedian Tom Segura. Watch his latest special, "Lucky," on Netflix.  www.bertbertbert.com Go to ExpressVPN.com/ROGAN to get 4 months free! Save $20 on your first subscription of AG1 at drinkag1.com/joerogan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The Joe Rogan Experience. Trained by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Thank you Joe. Always good to see you my man. It's always good seeing you man. I always say like you give the best hugs. The UFC the other night when I saw you and you came up you just wrap it up. I love it. I'm a hug guy too. I think it shows your emotion. I love a real hug. Yeah. A real hug

where someone loves you. Yeah. You know, you know I love you. So I give you a love hug. I know you love me. I know you love me. We've been friends for a long time, brother. I know. Really have. It's nice like having friends that you've been friends for a long time, brother. I know. Really have. It's nice, like, having friends that you've been friends with for just decades, you know. I always say, I've said this before, but I always say, you're like, I never had a brother growing up. And you've always been pretty honest with me, the way a big brother would be. And you've always come from a place of love. I remember the whole reason my whole I was doing

nothing and fucking nothing I'm sitting in the backstage of the store with you and you said you look to you look just you go Tommy's doing theaters and I said okay and you need you need to be doing theaters I was like okay and you're like you need a Netflix special you need to get one I was like all right Joe how am I supposed to do that you'll be undeniable and you just walked away and I fucking was like that's the kind of Mentorship you look for in a friend. That's what you want to be around Surround yourself with great white sharks and people think you're a great white shark Well, you were always really fun and really funny, but you were always doing these travel channel shows

Yeah, and this is what drove me crazy. I remember the day we've talked about it before but I remember the day I was in the Comedy Store and I was calling you from the main room and you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam And I think you were drunk and I was drunk and hot Two things you're not supposed to be on a motorcycle no helmet in flip-flops Which is by the way It's a fun way to catch somebody when you call someone and you're gonna go on stage in like 20 minutes I'm just checking in on you see what's going on and you're on a fucking motorcycle in Vietnam. I'm laughing But then I was like dude, you really need to dedicate yourself to stand up. Like this is a trap

It's a velvet prison. These TV shows are a velvet prison and when you're on the travel channel You're not even getting well, you're making great money, right? But you're not getting, I can retire now money. No. There's no fuck you money. It's I can live well money. It's a great job. But it's one of those jobs where you, at a certain point in time, you gotta go,

okay, I have to jump ship. Like, you know, I can't keep doing this. Like, this is gonna fuck up everything else I'm doing. It's hard to pull that trigger too, because like with kids and a family and a house, and you go, okay, it's not great money, but it's good money. Yeah.

And the road was not great money, and I remember you saying, you need a Netflix special. I remember you saying that to me. On that motorcycle, I'm sitting, I pulled, I had headsets in, I was listening to the doors, magic caravan, Spanish caravan, and I was flying, I was high, there were oxen on either side of me, the sun was setting, and you're like,

dude, this is who you are. Fuck that travel channel bullshit, get away from it. You need to focus on stand up in your podcast. And I was like, yeah, and you're like, you're the fucking machine. If you don't talk about this on stage, then you're not doing yourself, you're doing yourself a disservice.

Well, there's certain people that like, you know their full potential, because when they're with you, disservice. Well, there's certain people that like you know their full potential because when they're with you, they're completely relaxed and you know, everyone's just having a great time and you get to see them at their best. And when you're crying laughing, just hanging out talking to a guy, you're like, this guy's got it. He's just got to figure out how to get rid of all the other shit in his life and focus on that.

Because you were always so fucking funny. And I was like, how is this guy doing these shows where he's letting people hurt him and all this? Like, you were doing Hurt Bird? I was like, what are you doing? Don't get hurt. And then I just that, I also, I'd gone through it with Fear Factor. Like Fear Factor was a great job.

Don't get me wrong. Very happy that I got it. It was wonderful. It gave me fuck you money. It gave me the ability to do whatever I want after that. But it was a thing where I was like this is not what I want to do. What I want to do is what I always do. Just stand up and have fun. You know, if I was I was doing the UFC back then too. So I was like do the UFC commentary. Things I love doing. That's what I want to be doing. I don't want to be doing just a job. Jobs are great. Don't get me wrong. Thankful I got it.

But at a certain point in time, if you want to reach your full potential, you have to realize like this is holding me back. And sometimes people don't want to tell you that because it's a job. And it's a great gift. And I've had people I've had people tell me like don't leave Fairfax. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I have to leave. I have to leave. I gotta go. I remember those times. I remember people saying because I knew you were I knew you as Joe the stand-up and and and I remember people Saying he does comedy and I was like no, that's what he does. Like he's not an actor. He's not a host He's a comedian, but that's not understandable, right? Like my my stand-up I'd only done like by then I'd only done like a I'd only done like by then I'd only done like a

Couple things that were out that were available and I was on the hugest show in television Fear factor was fucking gigantic. It was not it was massive Monday nights Yeah, it was fun job, you know, it's a big show when 20 years later you remember the night it was on But this is what's important Even though it was the number one show in the country. I still had that feeling. Like, I don't want to really be doing this. I'm happy to do it. I'm very thankful that I got the job. I worked with some amazing people. It was a lot of fun. We had a great crew, really fun time. But I didn't want to do it. I wanted to do this. This is what I... I didn't know I wanted to do this because this wasn't a thing. But once I figured it out, I was like, oh, this is what I want to do. I want to do this because this wasn't a thing, you know, but once I figured it out, I was like, oh, this is what I want to do. I want to do this and stand up and the UFC, which is like

to me, it's not even a job. It's like a vacation. It's crazy watching you operate in the UFC and seeing that mechanism and to think when you started that, like how long, how far that, that path with the UFC has been for you. Oh, for me it was 97. I know, but walking in through the other day and I was like, oh, this has been Joe's life for fucking 26 years. Well, you know, if you want, if you're a person who's a martial artist and you're a fan of martial arts,

if you get a job to do that, like if you get a job to talk about martial arts and to express your love for it and your appreciation for the athletes, appreciation for the fighters and what they have to go through to get to where they're at and the magnitude of their accomplishments and to put words to that. Like to be able to do that for a living, that's an honor.

That's how I feel. It's like it's an honor. It's an honor and I feel like I do a good job at it and I like doing it and I'm super passionate about it and I don't do it because it's a job. I do it because I love it like I don't need to do it I could have quit a long time ago. It does like I could just watch it like we're doing a fight companion this weekend It's gonna be fun. We're gonna hang out. What are you doing Saturday? I don't know. Oh, I'm in Vegas Are you really I have two shows in Vegas this weekend at resorts world theater nice

Oh, I should say my special lucky is streaming right now on left right right now right now I say lucky I say lucky because I am the luckiest fucking guy in the world I really am when you think about like Do you think about like finding the friends? I did it later in life you know like it like 37 or 38 when I started meeting all you guys and hanging out with you guys. And then, you know, getting into comedy at the time I did. Like we got into comedy when no one, it wasn't a job. It was like, it was weird.

It was like joining the fucking circus. It was. And I only got into comedy because I got discovered by Rolling Stone magazine as the number one party animal in the country. I mean, what are the fucking odds of my life tracking out? So that's why I named it Lucky. Well, we're all very lucky That's absolutely sure

No, no dispute. We're all very lucky if you're listening to this. You're very lucky because you can fucking hear how about that? Yeah, if you're watching it, you're very lucky. You can see you're very lucky that you can afford a phone We're very lucky like most of the world lives in utter poverty And that's the unfortunate reality of all these people virtue signaling about the 1%. Like bitch, you're in the 1%. You're in the 1% of the world. There's someone digging blood diamonds in Sierra Leone

right now smoking brown brown, and he's 11, okay? If you make $34,000 in America, you're in the 1% of the world. How about that? Wow. Yep, that's real. My great my father-in-law still isn't in that 1%. Hey, life's not good for everybody. It's not good for everybody. Some people get lucky at all. I've been trying to wrap my

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watching on YouTube you can get your four free months by scanning the QR code on screen or by clicking the link in the description. I always think luck is a perspective. You work hard, dude. You're not just lucky. You work hard. You work real hard. You're always touring, you're always doing things, you're always putting together new shit, you're always working, you're always hustling.

Like, it's not just luck. It's luck plus, you know, you love to party, but you also have a great work ethic. And that's very, very important, man. It's like you can't just be lucky. Lucky's huge. You gotta get lucky. But also if you work really hard, you tend to get luckier, especially if you're smart and if you're willing to take risks.

Like for you, the travel channel thing, that was a risk. You had to listen to your friends and you had to go, you know what, they're fucking right. Everybody else is cooking right now and my standup's kinda stalled out because I'm doing this TV show. And again, it's coming from someone who was there. And I'm telling you that if you're making millions and you still feel that way,

versus if you're making thousands and you still feel that way, you gotta trust me, there's another way to get through this. And the other way we found we got you know We were right. Yeah, look we fucking saw light at the end of the tunnel We're like this is the way to go and we were right. I remember you telling all of us you guys need a podcast I remember saying Tom he's out of his mind. Why don't we just do his? No, everybody thought I was out of my mind for even doing mine. Like people mocked me openly. Like Howard Stern famously mocked all people that were doing podcasts

you're wasting your time. But in his mind that was correct because he didn't he didn't have this He wasn't an internet kid, you know, I'm not an internet kid But you know, I used to build my own computers in the 90s I used to go to Fry's electronicsronics and get motherboards and hard drives. And yeah, my friend Andrew used to help me over the phone, I'd call him. He's like a wizard tech guy. And so, like I had bought all these like

high-end gaming computers and upgraded the video cards. And I was on all these like crazy websites. We'd send each other like, you know, those are the two girls, one cup stays. Like, so I was on all these like crazy websites We'd send each other like you know those are the two girls one cup days like so I was pretty plugged in Was the guy mr. Smiles or something mr. Hans mr. Hans keep going So there was I was pretty plugged in to the idea that the internet was something that people were Finding stuff that just wasn't available anywhere else. I got all these like crazy Lectures these Alan Watts lectures that I downloaded. I'm like, this is nuts.

That's back when you had to download stuff and then you had to upload it to an AirPod. Remember your AirPods with the wheel? Oh yeah. Those were the shit. Oh, I remember that. Clickity click, clickity click. Yeah, the little wheel that was spun around.

I loved that thing. And so I would download all these Terrence McKenna lectures and all these, Timothy Leary, all these like fascinating conversations that I would download on. And then I started thinking about it. And then I was like, well, there's podcasts. So people just like start, let's just start doing one of those. We just start doing it. And I was like, nobody was listening to them. It was like, Adam Carolla had a big one because Adam had just left terrestrial radio. He was the morning guy that replaced Howard Stern when Howard Stern went to XM, right?

So he's on, or Sirius, whatever it was. So it's both now, right? They're combined. So he's on morning radio all over the country, but morning radio is like super stagnant. And they had an LA morning radio station where it was all morning, excuse me, talk radio station, where it was all talk radio.

So it was Tom Likus, it was him, it was, there was a few other people I can't remember. Ricky Rockman had a show. Phil Hendry I think had a show. He had a different show. Oh yeah. Phil Hendry was an AM guy. He was, that was the greatest,

one of the greatest goddamn shows in the world. It's one of the greatest shows of all time. And he's a super nice guy. I met him once in Montreal. So for people who don't know, Phil Henry, he's the caller and he's the answerer. He does different voices. And he gets people so angry because the callers will say the dumbest fucking shit. And then you'll have actual people calling in to argue with the caller who's all Phil Hendry.

Yeah, I remember sitting next to my dad's bed. My dad's in his underwear and he's got his alarm clock and we're listening to it. My dad's just like this and my dad goes, buddy, he's both of them. I was like, what? He goes, this is all him. And you're just like, whoa. I mean, it was so ahead of its time. So so ahead of its time and once you were in on the joke it was amazing Oh was amazing if I was coming home from the store at oh is Phil Henry or art Bell That's I listened to God the old days so our bell was my favorite Bell our Bell was coast to coast with art Bell from the kingdom of nigh He was broadcasting from a fucking bunker in the middle of the Nevada desert.

He had this crazy radio tower outside of his house in the Nevada desert. He would take calls from time travelers, werewolves, people that are coming from another dimension. It was the nuttiest fucking show. For real, one of my greatest career accomplishments that made me the most happy was I got on the Art Bell show. And I got on it way later when he was on the internet. It wasn't even on radio anywhere. But for me, it was like, I got on the Art Bell show, yes!

It was just like, I just loved that show. It was so fun. Because I'd be driving home that's that looks that was his house So look at if you see like what his house looked like it's like his house is in the middle of nowhere in the fucking desert I mean the middle of nowhere There's nothing around his house and his house is all fenced in like chain link fence and shit It looks like so it looks so psychotic like perfect for a guy that is broadcasting he's got like this compound in the fucking desert dude

God yeah it was amazing he would broadcast right from there because radio if you have a tower and you have a station you could broadcast the whole country the country can carry it so the whole country was carrying coast to coast with Art Bell, and this wild motherfucker is out in the middle of nowhere, in the desert, in like a compound, talking to aliens. They were doing what we're doing now, way before the curve. Oh yes. Well, we owe all we have today to Howard Stern and Art Bell for sure because you know we are combo kind of like a combination of Howard Stern and Art Bell and

And if it wasn't for the it wasn't for he's the guy that got arrested or didn't get arrested We got fined heavily by the Bush administration This is back from the Republicans were the ones that were trying to censor people which you should always realize crazy You got to say that this fucking stupid game that people play back and forth with you know Who loves war who hates war who who loves censorship who hates censorship? It's a political beach ball that they toss around in a concert to keep people occupied these motherfuckers switch sides All right, that should tell you enough alone by yourself, by itself right there, that they fucking switch sides. But he was getting attacked for obscenity. So he put like whatever they

would do. And they were, they were fine. What was the total amount that Howard Stern was fined? So this has to be, you got a neurotic guy as it is, right? Who also the the most pioneering radio guy of all time right he's the guy that changed radio from DJs playing records to just talking and talking in your authentic voice yeah not hey welcome back talking in your authentic voice and having wild shit on the radio 2.5 million dollars million between 1990 and 2004 so they fucked with him for 14 years. 14 years. And that's not paid by the station, that's paid by him.

Find owners of radio station licenses that carried the Howard Stern Show. A total of $2.5 million for content and considered to be indecent. Indecent. So all the stuff that we do on podcasts right now, we would 100% have been fined. 100%. I would have been off the air a long time ago. It was real censorship, but it was just done under the guise of broadcast. The idea is if you're going to broadcast something on a major network like NBC, CBS, they have rules to the language and what you're allowed to show, which is kind of crazy. Like, why do you have those rules?

Like, why do those rules exist? Keep obscenity from television and like, maybe that was a good idea in 1950, but people didn't know any better. But now that we know better, like, why do you have rules like that? I can't believe that radio still has those rules. And the rules are slippery.

You can say dickhead. You can't say cunt. But you can't say suck my dick. You can't say anything you want to say. Like sometimes cunt's the right word. Cunt's one of my favorite words. Every now and then it's the right word when used correctly. But like if you can't say it then you can't fully express yourself and if you don't like people fully expressing themselves because you don't like certain sounds, I suggest you grow the fuck up. That's a ridiculous way to think. If I can say cock, but I can't say cock sucker.

If I could say dick, like dick Chaney, but I can't say suck a dick, what are we doing? It's the same sound. You're making the same sound. I can say pussy, cat. Pussy cat's fine. You can't say N word breakfast. You know what I'm saying? You can.

You gotta look both ways. You gotta be black. But you know what I'm saying? If you wanna say certain words that are forbidden words, sometimes they're okay. So it's the sound is sometimes okay. It even gets trickier. Like there was a video I was cutting to promote my tour or whatever.

And it's me on a boat or the special. It's me on a boat and there's this, there's this page I'm really obsessed with. It's it's fat and word season. Joe is so addictive because it's, and it's just, it's all AI. And I think they're promoting a crypto coin. Of course. And I was like, and I didn't like the edit.

So I go, hey, put fat Edward Summer play that song. And it's fucking so much funnier, Joe, with it's so much funnier with me shirtless on a boat. But these guys are great. But my wife saw it. She was like, that's offensive. I was like, no, I was like, that's offensive. I was like, no. She's right.

Yeah. And then I sent it to Tommy. I go, is this racist? And he was like, sent it to the wrong guy. All Tom sends me is videos of fat black chicks on rope swings. Our whole thread is just anytime a chick takes an L off a cliff. I gotta get on that thread because the ones me and Tommy are on is horrible. What's that one? It's all murder. Oh yeah. We send each other to the murder. Murder and car accidents. Today was a car accident. It was guys escaping the cops and the guy flips this van multiple times gets thrown into traffic and then run over by cars and it's just splatterfest. I can't watch those. I was telling someone my niece had my phone and she's like three and you don't you forget

what your algorithm looks like and it was Fat Emmer's summer song came on and she's like uncle Bert and then the next video is a chick pissing on did pass down to his head And I was like, oh, maybe you shouldn't use my phone to relax with yeah, my kids know better Fucked dude. Yeah, my algorithms not good. It is fuck it is YouTube algorithms great Oh my YouTube albums all history a lot of my YouTube algorithm lately has been about them is all history. A lot of my YouTube algorithm lately has been like watching people build things. I love like cabinet makers and carpenters

or there's this one guy who makes these specialized desks that have like secret drawers and shit. Oh, hold on, I follow that guy. Yeah. Where you put your hand here. I think there's a few of those guys. And a magnet comes up and a wand comes out and he waves it.

Yeah. Fuck, those desks are bad ass. Yeah, he waved the wand and the keyboard rolls out. Like yeah, it's pretty dope. Yeah, I wave the wand and the keyboard It's pretty dope. There's a bunch of those guys that make these like super ingenious like Homemade artisan desks yeah that or if you get me a chick with no bra doing survival techniques in the woods Oh, yeah, the fucking I'm in that's a cell. I've watched so many of those just Hot chicks have found their way into basically all walks of life as influencers, you know, there's like hot chick hunters There's hot chick jujitsu's Jujitsu girls, there's hot chick crossfitters. There's definitely a hot chick golfers

Oh, you know that I read you ran into Paige Spearnak in At the Super Bowl and I was like and I was like I had to be real because I'm a golfer. I was like, I follow you for your swing. You have a great swing. Right. But then you know what's crazy about Paige? She can't snap her fingers or whistle. How did you find that out? Because we were playing a game, like weird things about us and she was like, I can't snap my fingers and I watched her and she went like this. She was like, and I go, and she goes, I can't I can't snap my fingers and I watched her and she went like this she was like and I go and she was I can't whistle and

starts going how could you not snap your fingers I have no idea she's the most followed golfer Joe damn and she's not Tiger Woods only has 3.5 million followers and she's got four and she's not a professional yeah if you're hot you could you could do a lot in this world And you can also not whistle and snap you have to snap You care yes, she's super hot. She does have a great swing I bet she does Jesus Christ and if she's not wearing a bra, it's so good. Look at that. What? Well, just watch this seems pornographic almost Well, yeah wonder why she's got so many followers she's gonna go off. Yeah. Yeah

It's a good swing. Yeah, I don't even know if I saw any movement Yeah, I swear to God if I had tits you want to talk about lucky yeah, that's the Willy Wonka Golden ticket being a Super hot woman. Oh, you have to do is be nice and doors just open up everywhere like Oh, super hot woman. Like all you have to do is be nice and doors just open up everywhere. Like da da da da, she's here. If you're that hot, anywhere you go. Like red carpets get rolled out,

roses get thrown at your feet. She was walking down a radio row at Superbowl with Cam Heyward and both of us are like, just stop talking. But also, creepers. Creepers launch themselves at you. You're never invisible. Guys are fucking with you all the time. Over never invisible guys are fucking with you all the time

Overconfident guys are hitting on you all the time and then getting really mean when you reject them That's the thing that chicks have to deal with They have to deal with like angry guys that like are angry that they get rejected and they start insulting them and Yelling at them and like that's scary shit, man. That's scary shit Think about all our friends, all our female comedians that have stalkers. I mean like it's so, you work your ass off as a comic, you happen to be pretty, you start killing it and then all the fucking psychos come out of the woodwork. And you don't have any money, so you know, probably live in a place that's easy to get to.

That's crazy. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, it's easy to get to. That's crazy. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, it's dangerous. There's a lot of fucking, well, we need better mental health care in this fucking country. And there's a lot of people out there that are out of their fucking mind. And if no one's paying in paying attention to them or checking in on them, like imagine you're your average guy who loses his fucking mind and you're a 40 year old guy who works

at a gas station. You've been working out at that gas station for 20 years and no one's paying attention and you're just slowly losing your fucking mind. And you know, you think Jared Leto is Satan and that, you know, you've decided that like someone's sending you code on television and and then you lock on to some female comedian and like that's your target that's who you're it's kind of feel nice though what to be the lunatic no just have something to focus on encourage this have something to focus on play video games yeah get

involved in Call of Duty. Okay, you know Find something productive play online chess you fucking psycho You don't have to go stalk me I always had that brain that you know, I'd see something like a new addiction come up like cutting and I go I wonder what that does Like I was always looking for something like that, you know, yeah like like not gonna ever do eating disorder that was too tough for me, but hey, how about we were at dinner with that guy, and I said to him, I ran marathons,

and he went, you do? What the? That was funny. And he goes, I wasn't trying to be rude. That was funny. And he was definitely trying to be rude. But he was being funny. We were talking shit.

That's Taylor, Taylor Sheridan. He was awesome, dude. Yeah, I like how you call him that guy. Well, I didn't want to blow his spot up. Yeah, that's all right. Dude, let me tell you something. I'm gonna give props to Taylor Sheridan. I haven't said this to anyone.

I try to keep those moments that you have with those guys private, so it was a little bit of a party snitch for a while, but he's a great American storyteller. He really is. When he tells you anything about his life or what he's doing or breaking, he doesn't even call it breaking a horse,

he calls it a different term. I'm sitting there going like, this is, I mean, and this is gonna be slanderous a little bit considering difference of time of where they were, but like, it's like having dinner with Ernest Hemingway. He's created some of the greatest content out there. Yellowstone? You can't compare dinner with Ernest Hemingway. He's created some of the greatest content out there Yellowstone you can't compare him to Ernest Hemingway because Ernest Hemingway is dead and a legend. Yeah, that's the problem Okay, but he's amazing but amazing you ever see that hell or high water you ever see that film. No, what's oh my god?

It's one of his films. Oh, it's Taylor's film. Yeah, it's fucking great. It pull up hell or high water Yeah, it's fucking great it pull up hell or high water This fucking movie dude this fucking movie is incredible Jeff Bridges isn't it? Yeah, I've seen this It's about bank robbers these criminals in a small town. It's fucking good, dude. I think what's his names in this shit We have a friend in this Who's your friend no it's all me and you I think it's our friend. I don't know who it is though. I forget. Okay. Jamie, go to the cast. Who's in that?

God, Ben Foster's so fucking good. That guy's so good. You know what that guy was in that super underrated one of his performances? Because it's such a wacky movie. 30 Days of Night. Did you ever see 30 Days of Night? 30 Days of Night is the second best vampire movie of all time really? first best vampire movie of all time is the most recent Nosferatu that's the best vampire movie of all time the one that just came out? the one that just came out? The best. The best vampire movie of all time. Is it streaming yet? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, I can't wait. It's on Apple. But this was 30 Days of Night was a movie where Ben Foster played like a vampire familiar and these vampires would go to, they went to Alaska in the middle of the winter where it's dark for 30 days so they could be out for 30 days and they're

fucking terrifying vampires. They're really fun. It's a really good and Ben Foster plays the vampire familiar, you know, so the familiar is like that's him in there. What's a familiar? A familiar is a human that the vampires use to get close to humans and they promise the human that one day he'll have eternal life and He'll be one of them. So the vampire Goes and and sets up people for the vent the vampire familiar sets people up to be killed by the vampires Oh, shut up. Yeah, I gotta watch this dude. He was great in in The the what was the movie with where they kidnapped the kid

Justin Timberlake was in it raw dog not raw dog Foster's a beast he's awesome 311 till Zuma or whatever see that one Yuma. Oh my god. He is what is it? 310 to Yuma I didn't see that He was great in the Justin Timberlake movie. It was called like top dog or something alpha dog and He was just awesome and he had a very small role. He played the guy's older brother and it was just like he's just he just Owns the screen. Yeah, he's a beast. He's there's certain people that like when they act just go god damn I am not one of them so good

that like when they act just go, god damn. I am not one of them. So good. So good. So it makes a movie so much better. It makes a, so you just get dragged into it. I think Jonah Ray is probably the best comic actor out there. What has he been in?

Jonah Ray, everything. When he was in War Dogs and he goes to buy drugs from the black guys. I didn't see that either. There's too much to see, Bert Kreischer. Oh, man, I'm telling you, I'm just starting now to just download stuff and get off Instagram, and if I'm going to bed, just turn on a documentary

and start watching it. What does that mean, by just starting now to get off Instagram? Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill. Jonah Hill, you mean? Yeah, what did I say? Jonah Ray.

Jesus Christ. Okay, that's why you confused me. Sorry, Jonah Ray. No, Jonah Hill's awesome. Jonah Hill's fucking amazing. He, that's why you confused me. Sorry, Jonah Ray. No, Jonah Hill's awesome. Jonah Hill's fucking amazing. He's great. Jonah Hill's amazing.

He was in War Dogs. He goes up and buys black money, weed from the bad guys, and he's like, how much? He goes, 120 bucks. He gives him the 120 bucks, and then he just started to keep talking to himself, and he's like, Jonah's like, hey, he's got a voice. What are we doing here? Hi, guys. And they're like, get the fuck out.

And he's like, oh, okay, okay. And he goes to the back of his trunk and pulls out a machine gun and goes, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr You never saw Apocalypse Now? What the fuck? You know, it's like, once VHS tapes came out, you're supposed to have seen the big ones. You didn't see The Godfather? You didn't see Star Wars? Are you out of your fucking mind? But today, it's like, they never stopped making movies. They've never stopped. They make new ones every year.

You can't keep up. There's no way. And all the ones that were up for Oscars, I saw none of those. Well, they all involved chaos. But it's like... They all involved the end of those. Well, they all involved chaos. But it's like... They all involved the end of civilization. If you want to win an Oscar, you have to be... Trans Lives Matter all the way.

Like, what do you do to win an Oscar today? Like, you have to have something that's got some meaning to it other than just being a good movie, right? Like, there's got to be some social justice aspect to it. Wasn't it like some thing where they were talking about? God damn it. I Can't remember what the article was about but it was about Requirements for a film to win an Oscar today what they believe to be requirements. I don't like awards

Do you know what it is? There was something that they were it was just representation and inclusion standards. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's not that's not the only way to tell a story. That's not because if you do that you don't get Shogun. Okay. Oh, you don't get Shogun. You get it. You got to have an all Japanese cast. We want to get Shogun. You know, you can't you can't have a fully diverse You know 50-50 split of Whatever everybody you can't know you have to tell specific kind of a movie

You know if you're gonna make a movie about the Congo, you can't have white people play native Congolese people You can't have that so it's like some stories are not diverse. It doesn't make them less valid. It doesn't mean you're racist. It just means that some stories take place in Norway and they involve Vikings. Okay, this is like just a part of human history. You know, some places, some stories take place in Egypt and they involve Africans. Okay, it's, there's plenty of room for every kind of fucking story, but if you only want like a specific type of story to win an Academy Award, you don't get the Godfather. Daylight savings is coming, so we're about to lose an hour,

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Think about think about who were the Oscar winners when we were kids We're all fucking banger movies that everyone saw that everyone saw best picture one best picture because it was best picture not because it was the best picture about a trans social worker that got abducted in yeah, exactly exactly Yeah, they got distorted. They got distorted with what the job is. The job is just to purely entertain people with a great piece of work.

That's all it is. That's the whole job. And that could be pulp fiction. Well, you know, there's no message in pulp fiction. There's none. It's fucking chaos, and it's amazing. The message we took away was that white guys can say the n-word.

I guess. We were like, alright! As long as you have a gun in your hand, you can do it. But the whole movie is just madness. But it's amazing. You can't deny how great it is. Like, that's supposed to be what the best movie is. It's not supposed to be. I don't even know if that won best film. Did it win best film? Did Pulp Fiction win best picture? No, but I think he won best director and best, maybe after that. It should have won best picture. Him and Roger Avery together were fucking gangsters. That was a really good year.

Oh, that's right. We actually talked about that on the podcast. I think it was actually Unforgiven that year, but I'm gonna make sure. Unforgiven was a fucking great movie. Fucking great movie. God. That was Clint Eastwood going back and cleaning up all his old westerns. That's what that movie was. It was like, let me show you what it was probably really like.

What it was really like. Not this fucking everybody's looking at you sideways. Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, ways. No, the reality was that character that he played that old assassin. What year do you think movies stopped being great movies and started being like what year did we switch? I think people are still making great movies. But they're not winning Oscars. Well, I think who cares? I really do. I think the once will Smith slapped Chris Rock the Oscars to me Like what I'm done

I'm done like you guys and then they all applauded them and gave him a standing ovation afterwards when he won an Oscar like I'm Done forest fuck for us. Don't force gump was a banger every Redemption oh my god every movie on there quiz show Please show is great. I never saw four weddings in a funeral. It was great though, dude It made you want a date a fucking British chick I made you want to have a rich friend live in a castle get drunk watch a friend die and fucking okay Look at all that makes sense that that was best film. What a amazing year Shawshank pulp fiction quiz show quiz show was fucking great. Yeah

By the way, that was that was a real thing. Yeah. Yeah, they really fucking rigged a quiz show That's why there's like there's all sorts of rules If you're running a game show because I was on a game show fear factor It was my best way to get people away from me if they asked me how do we get on fear factor I go if you want to get on you can't even talk to me because if you talk to me then I'll have previously known you then it could be seen that I helped you get on the show so I can't talk to you it was great the great work around it was true yeah sorry to they have someone did they have someone like really judging the how the? Judging it?

Like an official officiating it because it was prize money? Meaning like the quiz show was all about them breaking the rules. Right. And you had to have someone, a standards and practice guy on your team, making sure the game was fair for everyone, correct? Yeah, I think there was something like that. I think, I guess the network just did that. I think we kind of ran the idea, or they ran the ideas by the network, and the network

decided whether or not this was fair or what have you. But everything was always fair. Like, that show was, you know, nobody got knowledge of the stunt before they got there. We blindfolded everybody. They were traveling around in vans. There would be blindfolds. Sometimes they'd cover their ears so they couldn't even hear.

And then they would take their blindfolds off and then right there and then they would find out what they had to do. So right there and then they find out they're gonna get covered in snakes or something like that. And we knew that someone had a fear of snakes because you fill out a form.

And if you got a fear of snakes, guess what? You might wind up on the snake episode you know it's a fucking crazy show but you know it was all fair but that quiz show they you know they figured it out like the mob figured out the fucking lottery you know Whitey Bulger won the lottery twice did he really yeah you know how bold you have to be to be a gangster in South Boston and not just win the lottery once but win the lottery twice like see you find that how does wait how do you rig the numbers that big that's crazy get away with it you can kind of get away with stuff before the internet

before the internet you could get away with things like that. Where you could kind of rig the lottery a couple times and everybody's like, why do you want again? What the fuck? Oh, that's great. When I was a kid and I was living in Boston, I used to teach one of his hit men. I taught one of his hit men Taekwondo. Wow, what's it like teaching a hit man?

It was weird. Are they good students? Yeah, he was very, very disciplined. Yeah, he was like a known, he was a known guy in the South Boston Irish mob. And you wanted to learn how to fight. Lottery winner had been one of a bulger's brilliant schemes to launder his drug extortion loan sharking money back in the summer Which makes sense right what better way to why do I get why do you have a Cadillac?

I won the fucking lottery. Yeah, we're clear so you could have all your shit. So ball Millions lottery ticket have been purchased the South Boston Liquor Mart by Michael Linsky who was the brother of a bulger underling named in Liquor Mart by Michael Linsky, who was the brother of a Bulger underling named Patrick Linsky. The FBI learned that once Whitey heard about the jackpot, he ordered the real winner to sign the ticket over, with Whitey and two associates paying $2.3 million in cash for 50% of the winnings. Bulger himself paid Linsky $700,000, although Linsky lost money in the deal. He really had no choice. He came down to selling the ticket or risking his life. Kevin Weeks, whose name also appeared in the winning lottery, the winning ticket, later

claimed that Linsky purchased a large batch of tickets to hand out as Christmas gifts and promised to split any winnings with Bulger and Weeks. But Week's story makes little sense. The so-called Christmas gifts were purchased during the dog days of summer. So they did it. The scams set up a 20-year legitimate income stream for Whitey where he earned $119,000 each year. Oh, wow.

That's brilliant. Yeah. So that's what he did. He found out that somebody won it. He's totally tuned into the neighborhood. Find that guy, fuck him over, take his ticket. Look, I won the lottery. And you have no choice.

You have no choice. It's just like when the guy hit Gotti's Grandson with the car right yeah, you gotta die now. Yeah, you're dead Yeah, yeah If you lived in that that time like in the 1980s when I used to teach this guy taekwondo Like you would always hear about hits. I knew a guy who got arrested. I don't know if he did it. He was a guy that I was friends with. His name was Richie.

I was friends with him before he went to jail. And then I was kind of friends with him when he got out of jail before I realized that he was like very dangerous now. He was a completely different person. So he went away to jail. He was a little older than me. I was 18, so he was probably completely different person. So he went away to jail. He was a little older than me I was 18 so he was probably 20 or 21 and went to jail on some some kind of gun charge or drug charge

So he comes out of jail a few years later and he's an animal. I mean an animal He's way bigger. He's he's put on like 30 pounds of muscle, and he's seen way too much. He was telling me stories about fights that he used to get into in the jail where he beat some guy half to death with a broom handle, and that you're fighting for your life in there. It's like every day you're fighting for it. And he knew how to fight. I trained with him. That's where I knew him. I knew him from Taekwondo. And he was just telling me about fights that you get in jail. He's like, you have to fight. There's nothing you could do. It's constant. You're constantly on edge. I'm like, fuck man. And so I'd known

this guy before jail. Then I known him after jail. And he was just way more dangerous after jail. He was doing a lot of coke. He would train and when you would train with him, it was a fight. I mean it was a fight. It wasn't, you were fighting for your life. You know, I broke his whole face once. I hit him with a wheel kick in the head because we were fighting, man. I mean we were fighting.

We were, and there was no one there, by the way. It was my gym. So it was just me and him like literally fighting. He would just attack you. It wasn't a technical sparring thing. And back then, I felt like I was a pussy if I didn't spar with anybody who wanted to spar. Like, you want to spar? Okay, let's spar. So you sparred with everybody. And some people you sparred with. Some people you were like, let's just not hurt each other. Yeah, and then other people you knew you were fighting you Bomb guys get knocked out all the time I saw dozens of guys get knocked out in the gym all the time. I did a lot of it

It was scary. It was scary. You would be super nervous before class. You'd be super You have that and you're doing class every day that's happening every day all the time I would be I have anxiety. I have anxiety getting getting on planes you're sparring three or four days a week yeah you're sparring three or four days a week if you're smart you have to you have to stay sharp so you broke this guy's face broke his face and he wanted to keep training he was still coming after me I was like dude you got to look in the mirror look in the mirror and his And his whole face shifted. I hit him with a wheel kick in the cheek. He went out, his eyes rolled back in his head, he collapses down to his butt, and then he

tried to get back up slowly. He gets back up and he's like, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. And then like 30 seconds later, he wants to keep sparring. And I'm like, you got to stop. But he was just a monster, like a savage, like a savage person. He was a just a monster like a savage like a savage person He was he was a kid when I knew him like a normal kid like what's up Richie and then Three or four years later, whatever it was when he got out. He was a monster Was there any hint of the old Richie where you could go? Hey, man, what's going on? No, he was just gone

No, he was gone the old I didn't know the old Richie that well. Now I'm thinking timeline. So this was pre me doing stand up. So I probably met him first when I was like 16. And then I met him again when I was 21. There was somewhere around that 2021. Because that's when I stopped fighting. And it was like right around the same time where I knew Richie would have stopped fighting. So he got arrested. There was a guy who was murdered and they broke every bone in his body with a hammer and they kept injecting him with cocaine to keep him alive.

Yeah. Holy fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They identified the body. I forget how they identified the body, but I'm pretty sure they chopped his hands and his head off. And they found this guy and he got arrested for that. And he got away.

He got off. I don't think they charged him. I don't think he actually did it, but he definitely knew people who did it. He was involved with the same kind of people. And this is like one of the guys that I worked out with but he wasn't the hitman the hitman was way more stoic really older yeah he was older he was in his 30s and the hitman was would he come in with like hitman problems like all right salmon he asked me once how would I kill a guy he said if you're gonna hit a guy and you were going to kill him, where would you hit

him? I said probably the neck. And he said, yeah, I think so. And that was the conversation. That was the end of the conversation. I don't even know why I picked the neck because the neck actually could take a pretty good beating. Necks are pretty tough.

Not mine. Your head is way weaker than your neck. This is really weak. Like this little spot right here, your temple. This little tiny, thin little layer of bone there that protects your brain. It's not big at all. When was the last time you got punched?

Oh, it's been a long time. I haven't sparred at all since like 2007 or eight. Like sparring? Yeah. Kickboxing sparring? Yeah. It's too, even little sparring wears on you. You carry that for your whole life. Just thuds, little thuds. It's too, even little sparring wears on you.

You carry that for your whole life. Just thuds, little thuds, even ones that aren't that hard. Just a jab, just a thud. You carry those, like those are real. That's brain damage. Those little times they get dinged in the gym, that's real, that's brain damage. That's brain damage.

And like I told you, like when I was a kid, we did a lot of brain damage. There was a sparring was horrible. I've had, I think eight concussions, and I'm just a kid. I didn't even spar. I'm just talking like basketball camp one time, football, I play in football for the hurt bird shit.

I got knocked unconscious. Like I've probably had eight concussions, I'm guessing, you know? Well, I've had had eight concussions, I'm guessing. You know? Well, I've had a lot. My last one was just a couple of years ago. Skiing, last time skiing. You were, I just talked to you the other day

when you were skiing. And I thought you didn't ski because of your knees. Well, my knee did get, I did fracture one of the bones in the top of my tibia. Now which one's the, yeah, tibia and then the fibula's the little one, right? Yeah, I cracked the tibia, but that healed, but the real problem was the head.

My head, I fell on my head. My skis went up in the air and I hit the ground head first. Yeah, it was a... Helmet? Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. But it was a bang. I got rocked and I was like, oh shit, that was a big one. And then the rest of the day I was dizzy,

my balance was all bad. It was not good, it was not good. Then I was like, I'm done with this skiing thing. Because I always worried about my knees. Because I still love doing martial arts. And if I'm not doing it, I don't feel good. Like I like to hit the back. I like to have my joints work perfectly.

I like to have my skills still there. I like to do it. It's fun to do. So anything that takes that away from me, like, ugh, skiing just for a thrill? Like, wee! Oh, and once you get hurt once you break I was we did a concrete sled competition in Calgary or in Edmonton

concrete sled concrete sled it's an engineering team and they have to figure out a way to build a concrete sled that makes it down a mountain with all the team members on it and stops within the right area and dude People get fucked up. I mean fucked up and concrete sled must be so heavy I you can find a picture of it typing University Edmonton concrete sled I think that's what it's called and right before right before This is why people keep themselves occupied when they're so fucking bored because it's 38 degrees below zero outside. Yeah, yeah, and dude that's the coldest I've ever been. My fingers.

You see those concrete sleds? There's one where the guys get fucked up so bad. I don't want to see it. It's so stupid. But the guy, the team that went right before me, they flipped. Flipped, ragdolled, yard sailed everywhere. If these people tried bow hunting, they would this they'd quit all this they wouldn't be doing any of this this is ridiculous you could fucking die oh a guy before me broke his femur and I remember the guy the kid little stoner with the walkie that tells us all right you guys are next he goes huh what's that broken femur it looks to

me goes broken femur is a game changer And I was like I gotta go next like what the fuck like I was terrifying but yeah, I Think about that sometimes just having my elbow surgery I gained so much weight from just having one arm because I couldn't do it couldn't get on the treadmill I couldn't do anything that I go any injury is like I don't want any injury Yeah, and injuries are not good and this is coming from a person who's had a bunch of surgeries. I've had three knee surgeries, had my nose operated on.

Oh, let me tell you my game changer, mouth tape. You were talking about this? Game changer. Game changer. I know people say this and I know it's like one of those fucking fitness influencer things where people are selling something. I got no skin in the game. Okay?

I'm not selling nothing. I don't have anything for sale. I use a company called Hostage Tape. I'm sure there's other ones that are great, but the Hostage Tape makes me laugh. You take this tape and you put it over your mouth when you sleep. Now I have sleep apnea so I wear a mouthpiece and my mouthpiece has a tongue depressor. So the mouthpiece is fitted to my lower, my lower jaw and the tongue depressor keeps my tongue from falling back on my throat.

So I don't block my airway because I have a big tongue and I have a fat neck. So it's like the air hole, it gets clogged up by the tongue So the tongue depressor works and then I put the tape over my mouth So I'm not using my mouth at all. Thank God. I got my nose fixed in like 15 years ago something like that best decision ever made in my life best decision I've ever really one of the best Is that the one where you had to like pull shit out of your nose? Yeah Really one of the best is that the one where you had to like pull shit out of your nose? Yeah They yeah, it was I was on the road with Tommy and I would show him the boogers and he was like You like almost vomit because the boogers were insane So once you get your nose operated on yeah, like I had

Probably 12 nose breaks maybe more by the time I got my nose operated on So the inside of it was all calcified like all the inside just like cauliflower ear That was the inside of my nose like it was all just clogged. I spoke like my nose was stuffed This is how my voice was wait. Hold on. Is this because I heard I Listen to a version of your voice when you were younger. Yeah. And it sounds totally different.

It's almost sounds like- It's also getting older, your voice definitely deeper. So that's me with the- Wait, that's you? Yeah, when I got the nose plugs. So that's after the operation. So that's it right there. Oh my God, look how big your nose is.

Well it's all swollen right there. I know. Anyway, so if you have a deviated septum I can't recommend that enough it's such a huge thing to do it opens up your nose and you get like 10% more cardio my jujitsu changed totally like my my gas and jujitsu was way better I was like this is crazy why didn't I do this a long time even through your nose and not your mouth. No, cuz you breathe through both Oh, so you have more air is coming in this how you tell if you have a deviated septum

Put a mirror underneath or put take your phone into a video and then breathe through your nose And if it closes like my mind shuts, yeah, and that's they showed that to me. Yeah, you have a deviated I've a dude, you know what happens to me when I sleep. Yeah fucking goozle swells up Yeah, you were telling me it's the fucking worst Yeah we were trying to decide with where the tonsils were and you were explaining the tonsils are actually on the side and your wife was Calling it a goozle. She's a redneck. She's this little goozle guy. So a little thing whatever the word is the tech It's a uvula. It's uvulitis. So I put the mouthpiece in and then I

Know uvulitis if I had moutholytis. So I put the mouthpiece in and then I tape up my mouth. I get no uveolytis if I had mouth tape in. Yeah, so this is the thing. I don't snore at all anymore. Zero snoring. Like I'm silent when I sleep. No sleep mask. Apnea mask. No, no, no, no. I don't have anything. But I woke up the first day I did it and I was like, Holy shit. I feel so much better. Like instantaneously noticed a difference.

Like I was like 30% more rested. Something like that. Like just like a significant number where I could like feel it. I was like whoa, and I've been doing it that way for like a week now. So if I put those nose strips on, because I can breathe through my nose.

You should get your nose operated on. No fucking way. Yeah. Dude, I have a hernia. It's not that big a deal. You should get that done too. No. Yeah, you should. Dude, I have a hernia. I'm not gonna get done. You should get that done too. No. Yeah, you should. It's the worst.

Your guts are gonna poke out of your stomach. That's what it is. They already do, Joe. That's gross. No, I mean, your guts, guts, not fat. They do, Joe. Do they poke out right now? Yeah.

Ew, let me see. No. Show me. Can you make it poke out? No, but if I go like, you can kind of see this. Where's the hernia? It's called, it's like a fin. Oh.

It's, oh, it's bad. If I do a sit up, like I'll show you for real, and you'll see it. Okay. I'm watching Bert do a sit up, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, that's scary, dude. That's, so that's a rip in the center of your stomach? I remember when it happened.

Oh, dude, how long ago? Probably 12 years ago. Oh my god. I was doing a Tough Mudder and I had to pull myself up one of those half pipes. So I ran and I grabbed it and I pulled and I pulled and I felt a tear and I was like, whoa, this is just and I was like, God, man, that fucking hurt. What happened? And I was like, I'm fine and then like Two I want to say like two weeks later I'm laying in bed with my wife and I kind of lean up and I see it and I go Oh fuck, what's this?

and then and then a bunch of dads Get it like some dudes get it when they just gain a lot of weight That's another way to get it. But like i've never been that fat but uh Tommy I think I think tommy might have had one or Eddie Bravo had two yeah he's elected oh he had to get it Eddie had to get it fixed my problem is I'd get it fixed but then I'm afraid of the aftermath of the surgery of 13 weeks of recovery of me not working out I'm gonna go fucking haywire you don't have to go haywire that's nonsense you should get nonsense. You should get it fixed.

You should get it fixed and get your nose fixed too. Just get it fixed, just bite the bullet. Don't live with a compromised body. They know how to fix those things. You should get it fixed. Like the nose thing's giant. Breathe out of your nose, you change your fucking life. I couldn't do yoga class, the instructor,

he would get mad at me. He'd like, you have to breathe out of your nose. I'm like, I don't have a nose it doesn't work like it doesn't work I mean my nose I had like one quarter of one nostril that was the only thing that was open for oh for real yeah my right side so it wasn't just deviated it was just Luke Rockhold former UFC champion had a post that he did about his nose recently, where they were like going through his nose with one of those cameras.

And so you could see what's in there. It's the same thing. It says his is completely clogged up. Like you hear Justin Gaethje talk, his nose is totally clogged up. Like there's a lot of the, and Justin actually got his nose fixed. And then he fought Max Holloway,

and I think that might have put it back again Oh my god, how long what's a nose surgery? What's the I was doing jiu-jitsu six weeks later? Okay, you're Joe. I'm Burt Yeah, but I mean six weeks later. I was fine. I didn't take any pain pills No, I wasn't I mean I was fine to roll but I was fine fine the next day Yeah, I had to have those stupid fucking things in my nose for a while, I forget how long that lasted. Then when they pulled those out, I was good to go.

But the doctor, I remember this, the doctor gave me two pain pill prescriptions. He was insistent on giving me these pain pill prescriptions. And I was like, okay, I go, but it doesn't hurt now. So is it gonna hurt more later? And he's like, it might. I go, but it doesn't hurt now. So is it going to hurt more later? And he's like, it might. I go, but it might not, right? Like, he goes, but you should have these. Like he wanted to write me these pain pill prescriptions. I was like, this is kind of creeping me out, man.

Yeah. Because I had already known a bunch of people that had pill problems back then, but it was just weird that he wanted to write me two of them. And I told him, I go, listen, I just had knee surgery a couple months ago. And I go, and I didn't, it wasn't even a couple years ago, rather, and I didn't take any pain medication. I go, I don't like it. I just did it.

I just had the surgery and then just dealt with the pain. I'd rather deal with the pain than that feeling. I don't like that feeling. You know, I got ACL surgery like way back in the day and they gave me like Vicodins or one of those type of things. Percocets or Vicodins, I forget what it was. But I remember feeling so stupid, I was like, well, this is not for me.

Whatever this is, I'd rather be in pain than have my fucking brain just filled with cotton. It just felt like it was clogged up. It wouldn't work right. Like, blah! It was terrible. Tommy was just like clogged up like it couldn't it wouldn't work right like It was terrible Tommy and I like that But my doctor he just wanted me to take these pills I think it's that I you know

Were you talking to me about statins for a while and you were saying that I don't know You were saying or whatever. I read was that it The these companies are getting these doctors getting paid out to to get people on statins The companies are saying you know get people on statins. The companies are saying, you know, get people on statins, we'll pay you out, you know. And I think- Doctors get a variety of rewards, I'm finding out. They get a variety of rewards depending upon how many people in their practice get vaccinated. And if they lose a certain percentage,

if they like have less than a certain percentage, then they don't get payouts. It's, there's some weird shit that's involved in medicine, that's financial incentives that don't necessarily align up with your best health. I think that doctors profit off of providing people with pain pills, especially when you have a legitimate reason to want to take pain pills. But I really don't think you should take them. At least I don't take, I just don't, I think if you have something horrible wrong with you

and you're in agony all day, I totally understand. But for a regular thing, like you hurt your back a little bit, so now you're on Oxycontin, like. That's what happened to me. I got pretty much addicted to them. So I fill up that waterfall. Get everybody.

Dude, they get you? They get everybody. I can they get you? They get everybody. It's, I can tell you the moment it happened was we had to go to dinner with my wife's friends and I didn't wanna go and we weren't drinking. And I remember thinking, I wonder if I double up on my pain pills. That'll get me through tonight.

And I did and man, it was an enjoyable fucking night. And I smoked a little weed and I was fucking perfect The next morning I woke up and lian found out She we were going camping that weekend And I reached over to get my pills because the first thing I did in bed grab a pill pop a pill lay there for a while I went over my pills were gone and lian was at the foot of the bed. She goes you're done big boy And I was like, I go hold on This is like negotiating like junkie negotiating. I go hold on on. This is like negotiating, like junkie negotiating.

I go, hold on baby, we're going camping. Like we're going to be sleeping on the hard ground. She goes, Nope. She goes, go get as much weed as you want. Drink as much as you want. Get through the pain that way. These things are poison. They're scary because you don't even realize what you look like to other people. We went, we went to Hawaii with the family one time and, uh, and we went to the Luau. I wasn't drinking in Hawaii that trip for whatever reason, but I was bummed at the Luau because I was like, everyone's getting these Mai Tais and I'm drinking water. And I looked and this mom was clearly on Oxy's and you watched her not out at the table. And there's, man,

when you see something like that and you're not drinking You're like, thank god. I'm not fucking drinking. I remember watching her not out and her whole family sees it and you know, and she's like What dude is what percentage of this country is hooked on oxys right now? It's got to be like a scary percentage I bet it's what do you think's more oxys or Xanax? Xanax is like Xanax is totally plausible. Take a Xanax, you're gonna be fine. My cardiologist, Dr. Gadan, shout out to Dr. Gadan, he's a big fan of yours,

but he told me, he said, I said something about Xanax, and he goes, hey man, I'm your doctor, don't ever fucking take those things. I was like, really? He goes, this is the leading cause of dementia. Do not take fucking Xanax. Xanax is the leading cause of dementia? So he told me, he said, he was like,

by the way, I apologize, doctor, can I give you a shout out? And he's like, that's not my exact words, Bert. God damn it. Yeah, you might have fucked that up. We might want to delete that. No, he said, he said, your brain, it turns your brain to mush.

Well, it's definitely not good for your brain. It's one of the most dangerous drugs to get off. Oh, they won't admit you to rehab if you're on Benzos. Like, we took a friend to rehab one time, and one question they asked, have you taken a Benzo in the last 24 hours? And he was like, yeah, and they're like, nope, can't take you.

They don't wanna deal with it. It is so dangerous to get off Benzos. Yeah, it's one of the, there's only a few things that people die if they get addicted to, and then you cut them off. One of them is alcohol, you know? Really? Yeah, yeah.

I think you have to drink like when you wake up. Oh yeah, you have to be a complete drunk. And somehow or another your body shifts into surviving drinking alcohol all the time. You're killing yourself for sure, but your body relies on it. I forget what the mechanism is, but there's an actual mechanism, there's some sort of a shift when your body relies on it I forget what the mechanism is but there's an actual

Mechanism there's some sort of a shift when your body's got so much alcohol and then when you get off alcohol entirely you can die Oh you have a stroke I don't know what the cause of death is but I know that Benzos is another drug that does that when you get off of it that you can you can die Like it's one of those things if you just cold turkey benzos if you're Popping Xanax all day long and you're like I'm done like you can die It's crazy what how how clean life is when you're not partying. Oh, yeah, like you haven't drank in two weeks It's like amazing how the sky looks different. The trees look different

We have more energy so much the gym is night and day different. Oh, yeah, like I work out every day regardless Ran five miles today drank last night on the plane five miles today And now I feel clean, but then I go if I don't drink tonight, which I doubt I probably will What are we talking about? Who are we lying to though? But if I but like the next day I feel like a million bucks you get me in the gym and I want to be on The treadmill and I get excited for fucking fucking those sissy squats you do. I love those bitches. I got the board.

Oh yeah, slant board squats. Slant board squat, get a 45 fucking weight in my arms. Do 15 of those bitches. Those are great. And you feel it, you're like that last one. You know what my favorite squat to do is? What's the one where you you you lean back and you squat when you're tilted back squat lean back it's called bad form like no no no no no no no

it's called back injury weight to happen lean back and squat that sounds crazy like a landmine squat or something where you have the the pole you have the oh okay yeah landmine yeah and you and you get deep into that bitch? Oh yeah, yeah, those are great. Those are great for rotational force too. Oh yeah. You know, Viking shit, you know what I'm saying? I'm always impressed when a man can program his own workout.

Really? Yeah, because I can't... You don't do your own workouts? No, I have a guy program for me Okay, so my house and trains me every day really. Yeah Wow Yeah, don't work out on your own at all. I find work out on my own I run Okay, so you must like that right we get alone time must like I love I love getting on the treadmill by myself and Just fucking going. Yeah alone times big So that's what I like the most

about like working out by myself. Like I can figure out what to do. I know what to do. Yeah. So I just program my own shit. Yeah, I think that's impressive. I tell you what so much shit to do. The game changer for me and working out and I think that, you know, I never understood like guys like Cam or David Goggins, and then they pushed themselves so hard. And when we did that bench press competition, I realized most of the time when everyone works, a regular person works out,

they just wanna get through it and be done with it. They're like, I know, I cheated a little bit, but fuck it, that was 12. But when you're training for something, and this must be like this with mixed martial artists and with all those motherfuckers, you're training your body for an actual event to protect yourself from other men.

And I was like, and when I had a goal in mind, I was like, oh, this is different. Like I'm doing everything he's telling me to do and I'm doing it the right way and I'm doing it to like failure because I'm trained, if I know that if I do that, then when I get to the day where I do the bench I can then complete the mission I'm set out to do right and I go I think more goal oriented workout

If they said like dude, let's just you know a wolf's coming to your house in two weeks, right? You know, we need to work out get ready for that wolf, right? You'd work out so hard right for that fucking wolf Yeah, I'd be like fuck. Yeah, dude. I Tell you about my friend in Colorado. They let wolves loose near his land. No. Yeah, they just let wolves loose in Colorado They let a bunch loose in one part of the state and then they let a bunch more loose He said it was five. I don't know if that's accurate but that's what he was told and For what purpose just they've decided to repopulate the state with wolves,

and they're getting wolves from British Columbia, so these big ass fucking Canadian wolves are coming in fucking the elk up. And this is outside of Aspen, so these are all these really wealthy people. Holy shit. And they let wolves loose on their property. And by the way, there's livestock there.

These people have cattle. They have all sorts of... So far, the wolves in his area haven't attacked cattle because there's an abundance of elk up there. It's a very... it's a big elk corridor where the elk migrate. And I took a picture and posted it up on Instagram of an elk leg that he found just like within two weeks of them being released.

They had already started killing elk on his property. So a wolf took out an elk and left the leg bone just laying in the snow. Wait, how many wolves did they let go? Five, he thinks. This is what he told me. But don't wolves, do they release them as a pack? I don't know if they will pack up. I don't know if they knew each other before. I don't know what the fucking neighborhood. Did they grow up together? Yeah. So that's what we found. Oh shit. So that's an elk leg

that's just been stripped down. The lower leg, no meat on it, just the hoof and some fur and shit. Just a bunch of disturbed areas, it was all fucked up, you could tell some shit went down. So we found that piece there, they had dragged that from somewhere else. But there was a carcass up there too, so know, can kill... They could probably kill one or two elk a day, and they probably will do that now. And so the elk population will rapidly diminish. The elk have no idea. They've never evolved around wolves.

These elks, these elk are in, like, who knows how many generations with no wolves. So the United States had wolves all throughout the West and then they eradicated them because they fucking kill everything because they kill livestock, they kill horses, they pack up, they get big, they get big packs and then they devastate livestock, sheep herders, cattle. So they all murdered all the wolves so now these people these greenies So cutie pies decided to bring back the most intelligent telepathic apex predator That operates in packs and you decide to let them loose near a ski town

Like congratulations why the fuck because because they're cute because these are people that grew up in cities and they don't understand It's called ballot box biology. It's a bunch of people who grew up in the city They don't know what the fuck they're doing and they don't know what a wolf really is They just think wildlife is amazing And then so you've let loose apex predators in an area where nothing is prepared for them They don't these animals don't know to look for wolves. They've never experienced a wolf before. They don't have a natural instinct to run away when they see the wolves. They don't know what the fuck is going on. And then you can't tell wolves

what to kill either. Of course not. Well, here's even better. The first ones they got so they had a mandate to get these the Colorado voted. They voted it to release wolves. And so the governor had to get it done within a certain period of time. And so they got wolves from Oregon that had been killing cattle. So these wolves, they captured them because they had been killing cattle. And then they released them in Colorado where they, wait for it, started killing cows. Oh shit. Duh.

So wolves are awesome, but they were making their way into Colorado by themselves. They were already coming down from Wyoming. There's wolves in Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, and they were making their way down naturally. But these idiots decided to accelerate the process and introduce this completely new element outside of a fucking ski town that's going to kill people's dogs for sure. But these idiots decided to accelerate the process and introduce this completely new element Outside of a fucking ski town That's gonna kill people's dogs for sure if they get to a healthy population You're never gonna be able to let your dog go outside. Yeah, it's over cats dead everybody dead

They're like ten times worse than coyote. You remember coyotes giant coyotes jump fences Oh, yeah, and you're like, there's no protecting my chickens from fucking coyotes I saw a coyote jump a fence's no protecting my chickens from fucking coyotes I saw a coyote jump a fence with one of my chickens in its mouth Jumped a six foot high wrought iron fence like it was nothing I own touch the top of the fence with its feet with a chicken in its mouth and right over the top I was like, whoa, I was so delusional. I thought like oh this fence is this big they can't get over that dude one jump I thought like oh this fence is this big they can't get over that dude one jump one jump feet feet to the top Other feet to the top over the top with a chicken in his mouth. All my neighbors have red lights on their fences

That's the only thing that stops coyotes. I say oh they won't jump over a red light I have no fucking idea, but they all have like it looks like a red Bicycle light on every panel of their fence. They're little monsters. What's they wolves too, by the way? They are coyotes or wolves Yeah, they're small wolves. I remember, you know, it's funny the little things you remember I remember you talking about the coyotes honeydicking your dog one time Yeah, I always think that's the funniest phrase honeydicking. Yeah, they try to honeydick your dog So they what they do is they one coyote? I've told the story before but I'll say it quick I went to this pet store that I used to go to.

And one of the guys that worked in the pet store, yeah, he was a veterinarian. And he brought in, someone had brought in this pit bull that was covered in cuts. Like his whole body was like hundreds of stitches. And he's like, what happened? He was like, I don't know, he got out. And then, you know, when I came home, he was outside the fence and this is what he's like what happened he was like I don't know he got out and then you know when I came home

He was outside the fence, and this is what he looked like so this guy They stitched the dog up, and then he follows a blood trail into the woods Outside of his house where he finds nine dead coyotes So they honeydicked oh You know a giant pit bull like one of super jacked muscular pit bulls with the fucking fire hydrant head. The kind that are on the front of rap albums. Terrifying pit bull. And this pit bull just killed everyone.

They fucked with the John Wick of pit bulls. And he just killed them all. Killed all the coyotes. They were all just, he said it looked like Vietnam. He said they were just torn apart. Because once the dog killed him, he's not going to stop. He's going to start shaking them. You know, picking, especially a pit bull like that, that's in a blood rage to just kill, fight for his life. Like it was probably so happy, like so happy to do this. Cause pit bulls just want to fight all the time. I've been wanting to do this

every fucking day. I wake up. He was so pumped. It was the guy who has a jujitsu black belt and a drunk grab and he's like, thank you. Thank you. I've been practicing for this my whole life. But you imagine the scene, you imagine the scene just walking, just dead coyotes just ripped apart, just throats torn open, guts hanging out, legs broken. Because this dog, if a dog like that bites a coyote's leg,

that leg's broken, that's a shattered leg. That leg doesn't work anymore. The poundage that pit bulls bite is fucking wild. You know what a wolf is? It's like five times stronger. Are you shitting me? Yeah, that's how crazy these retards are that let loose these apex

telepathic super predators into a ski town We're filled with super rich people and the super rich people right now are they're finding out about this They are freaking the fuck out. I bet they are. Oh, yeah all my my buddy who lives out there all his neighbors They're all trying to figure out what they can do You know, they're all collared too. So there's an app and you can get on the app and find out where the monsters are. Yeah, you want to get scared? I want to get, I got to get that out. How about you're walking and then you see the fucking app is showing you they're behind

you. All five of them behind you and you're with your family But maybe you voted on that because you think wolves are amazing That's Little Red Riding Hood, bro, that's you can track these walls on an app come on an app That's kind of cool. It's kind of cool to know where the monsters are But they they do that with sharks great white sharks But these people in the neighborhood are all tracking these wolves so they're all freaking out because these wolves are like circling their homes, circling their property. Fuck. Some of them have gone right through fields with cattle and not done anything about it. Yeah they don't even

understand why they haven't attacked any cattle yet but these are ones that are outside of Aspen. So the ones that they brought in from Oregon that's not outside of Aspen that's a different spot. Those are the ones that they brought in from Oregon, that's not outside of Aspen, that's a different spot. Those are the ones that were, they were depredation tags. They were already killing wildlife, or they were killing cattle. What state do you think has the most predators? Like Australia has the most predators in the world.

In the country? In our country, yeah. I would say Alaska for sure. Florida. Oh yeah, that's a good call. Florida's fucking crazy. Yeah, no, Florida for sure. Florida, Oh yeah, that's a good call. Florida's fucking crazy. Florida for sure. Florida, now, because you brought in reptiles,

yeah, 100%. Florida has more pythons in it, in the Everglades, than all the rest of the world. Yeah, do you see those kids that go in, you see those kids that dive in and grab them? I had Python Cowboy on the show. He brought me up, don't we have a python head laying around here somewhere?

Something? Oh, look at that. Look at that. Yeah. Apex Prider Florida is jacked. No one even comes close to Florida. No one's even close. Wait, wait, wait.

What's Maine? Maine? Why is it Maine? What is it? Vermont? That's got to be Maine. Right. Okay. So the one with the boot. Vermont Vermont That's right. Okay, so the one with the boot this is not good guys The boot is Massachusetts right? No, that's New York

We're so stupid. You know who could draw the whole map by hand Al Franken Okay, yeah, it's Massachusetts is one month with the hook. Okay, so Vermont predators. Yeah, what predators are in Vermont? That must be like Wolverines and shit. Oh red and gray foxes coyotes black bears Fishers bobcats and red and gray foxes with wolves and links also present. Although the later are rare Ladder good God interesting interesting I remember I said the other day on Instagram I was I had my hose all wrapped up and I was like I don't know if this from because I'm from Florida but I never put my hand into a hose bucket without kicking it a couple times when you say I got my hose all wrapped up I thought you had your

ladies making money wrapped up they're making that money I got my hose wrapped up have you ever had rattlesnake on your property out here? You have? Yeah. Out here, we've had one. One of my neighbors had a couple coral snakes in her garage. Those are scary. Coral snakes are the ones that look like...

Red and black. They're beautiful. Black and yellow, kill a fellow. Red and... What is that? like beautiful black and yellow. Kill a fellow red Red white and blue I don't know what though, but my old house in California There was a bunch of them your old house was in the in the wilderness Yeah I was I was in a place where there was a lot red touches yellow kill a fellow red touches black venom lack

There's no venom oh to help identify venomous coral snakes oh I see cuz I think some coral snakes are not venomous no it's a it's a oh yeah that's what it looked like it's no it's a king snake a scarlet king snake is harmless coral snakes are deadly okay so we had both in Florida I think So you never got near either of them. But that go back to that image, Jamie. The one on the top red touches yellow, kill a fellow. That's it. So that's the one that'll kill it. Red touches black, Scarlet King snake harmless. Interesting. I'm not gonna roll the dice on that. I would not remember this. I would fuck that up. I'd be like that line looks like it will fucking for sure kill you

That touches black step back what yellow yellow black touches yellow kill a fellow. That's the one That's all you have to remember red touches yellow kill a fellow black and yellow black and yellow. That's red touches yellow fuck that creature So my friend she had two of them in her garage. Yeah, not good. No, but um my old house My member do you ever meet Frank you never met Frank? You're pretty I used to have this pit bull named Frank Sinatra and Frank would only knew Johnny Frank killed everything Everything they got in that yard was dead. Yeah, he was a psycho and He would kill rattlesnakes all the time. So he'd get bit all the time he would kill rattlesnakes all the time. So he'd get bit all the time.

So I was like fucking. I'm like wait, how did he not get bit? He got bit every time. So I'd have to keep bringing him to the fucking vet. I brought him to the vet like at least three times. And one time I had to bring him twice because he had been bit by rattlesnakes so many times that he had developed some sort of an immunity.

So I brought him the first time and we're all, we're at the vet, he was super friendly, he was the sweetest dog, loved everybody, but like vicious with snakes and lizards. Lizards are like his video game. He would like jump on the walls to try to get the lizards that were crawling on the walls, he would leap, fucking leap into the air to try to get these lizards.

So I brought him to the vet, and the vet's like, I don't see a puncture mark, and he's not swelling, so I wouldn't worry about it. And I'm like, wow, how the fuck did you kill that snake and not get bit? And then I brought him back to the house and then his fucking face immediately swole back up again. So then I had to bring him back to the vet

and the vet's like, he's been stung, he's been bit so many times that he probably has some sort of immunity. Jesus. Yeah. It's a coral snake too that doesn't go by the rye. That is so beautiful. And that is one of the most venomous snakes in the world.

God, I would assume that would fuck you up. It kills king cobras apparently. It kills king cobras. Look how beautiful it is. Somewhere there's some idiot in Florida in the death metal band that wants this. And he's gonna have it in his house until he can't feed it anymore.

It's like little fella gonna let you go. And he's gonna let it loose and it's gonna have it in his house until he can't feed it anymore. It's like little fella gonna Let you go He's gonna let it loose and it's gonna go in the fucking Everglades and then you're gonna have a half a million of them there The you know slash had poisonous snakes in his house Then there was an earthquake. Oh great. I read that I think I read that one of their books where I talked to slash once about it out And I think they got out and they had to send someone in the house to I can't remember exactly But he there was an earthquake and he had like a cobra oh Yeah, there's i don't understand i mean i understand wanting to have a snake but poison the snakes i can't wrap my head around

No, no you can never touch it you can never play with it fuck all snakes how about that how about all that i was How about snakes are the reason why we wear clothes a? How about all the reason why we were close a Snake tricked Eve and eat that fucking apple and now we're ruined all right now We have to have Jesus come save us you definitely look like you would have gone through a lizard phase though no well I listen I Had one idea that was the dumbest idea The snake eye What is going on the cop does get snakes? Oh? This is the wrong cop to pull the snake guy what is going on the cop does get snakes oh this is the wrong cop

to pull a snake out with yeah yeah you're right I'll stand right here you know how many there are do you see all them snakes right yeah you see them snakes right yeah they're my babies I care more about them snakes than I do a human life. Just like that, man. They'll snakes me more. She's already out the door. She's like, huh? Sure thing, buddy. So I had this one idea once. I had this house that had like a center courtyard and I was going to seal off the center courtyard and I was gonna seal off the center courtyard and get a crocodile monitor. Bad ass fucking monitor. And feed it rabbits and have like a wild kingdom in the center of my house. I love it. So I was gonna set up trees cause

it had like open air. So I was like I'm gonna set up a canopy, trap it in there like a greenhouse, make it nice and warm so it's this environment, put trees up everywhere and then just let shit loose and watch. Then I was like, that's so fucked up. And then I started thinking, what's wrong with you? I was like, if I started thinking about me, going, I didn't like me.

Imagine taking someone, one of your friends over your house and you have a murder sanctuary in the centerpiece of your home. The atrium of your home is just like you watch animals just get slaughtered. They have no chance of escape, unlike the wild. In the wild, the rabbit can get away. Kind of a fair fight. In our fraternity, my buddy Mason had a big python and they'd buy rats and they'd put

money on it and they'd put them in the corners and put the python in the center and they have the benches from our our cafeteria lined up it'd be in a square and we bet on which one he'd eat first and it was crazy rats would go right up to the snakes face and touch the snakes face snakes take wouldn't even fucking touch it and then all of a sudden just you'd see him coil up yeah they just make their move out of Savannah monitor. I had a I had a Iguana Savannah monitor ate mice and then the monitor the In iguana just nothing they just that's that those those rats that they fed that snake or those mice They fed that snake those things are just read bred in captivity. They have no fear

They don't know they don't know what's going to hurt them and what's not going to hurt them. Nothing's ever hurt them. Everything's just fed them. And then all of a sudden, serpent. My dog caught a squirrel. My dog, I have two bull mastiffs. Mac, the big one, has been, I mean, he's wanted to catch a squirrel the same way I've wanted to have anal sex with my wife.

Like, he wants it every fucking day. And then he caught a squirrel, and I think it would be the same as if I had anal sex with my wife. It was way messier than he thought. He thought it was gonna be a fun game, and he broke it in half, and was throwing it, and then it wasn't moving, and he'd move it,

and I was like, oh buddy, you should've never got what you wanted. He was like, this isn't fun anymore. I looked at him, he's just like, ah, like what the fuck I guess I'll eat grass now yeah clean his mouth out my two bull mastiffs caught the what's the possum oh who was killing our chickens possums killed chickens possum killed our chickens three chickens like I'm almost saying like back to back to back Oh, of course they do they look like predators Yeah, I mean they have a predator mouth and my two bull mastiffs caught a possum and they tortured this thing

I'm talking al-qaeda beheading video in our while we were out to dinner and we got home and Furniture was moved around and this fucking possum was soaking wet I mean they have must have thrown this thing around the room and it was just in the corner playing dead It was still alive. Oh, yeah, and the dogs were just fucking ragdolling it. How's it still alive? I don't know. We had to we had to catch it. It's fucking huge. Yeah, they were just toying with it I think they were just fucking throw them around They had him cornered in the back way to dead a bucket and you can't kill possums in this county of LA it's illegal to kill possum that's hilarious I know that's so

funny you know you can kill coyotes no in LA oh yeah are you being serious yeah because we have a den of coyotes that come back through our backyard at times coyotes like rats dude that's how I have times. Coyotes are like rats. Dude, I have. I don't think they're like rats. Let me just be real clear. I think they're cool, but I wanted to kill one. I wanted to kill them when they killed all my chickens. Dude, I have. They killed all my fucking chickens.

I have a Hoyt bow with a 69 pound tension that would light a fucking coyote. I've been wanting to hunt something. Yeah. Yeah, don't shoot your neighbors, dude. California laws allows for the killing of fur-bearing mammal that is injuring property at any time and in any manner. Any manner. However, animal cruelty laws prohibit maliciously and intentionally maiming, mutilating, torturing,

wounding, or killing an animal. There I go. Wait a minute. Prohibit intentionally killing an animal. So how can you have a law that allows for killing a fur-bearing mammal that is injuring property at any time in any manner, but also have a law that prohibits

intentionally killing an animal? It's gotta be doing injuring property. It says maliciously, so you'd be angry. Wait, hold on, am I saying the word possum wrong? A possum, no, I say it. O possum, I think is the right way to say it. It's like a, did you know it's wheel barrow? It's not barrel?

Uh-uh. It's wheel barrow. Interesting. Makes it illegal to intentionally and maliciously kill an animal. But intentionally and maliciously are different things. Like if you're killing an animal to protect your dog, the key, oh here it is, the key difference lies in the intent and manner of killing. Killing an opossum that is causing damage to property is one thing, but torturing or inflicting unnecessary suffering is a different matter. Okay, that makes sense. So I think my dogs broke the law. Here is a

guy was convicted and sentenced for torturing an opossum to death including beating burning and hanging it from a noose okay that's a lot another case father and son were arrested for allegedly killing an opossum but the arrests were later deemed unlawful in the city settled lawsuit with the family for $400,000 okay consider contacting your professional pest control operator or wildlife removal service Yeah, I mean I'm not too worried about possums in our old house We have these are to be worried about fucking light up a code at Cody there to be worried about I need a small dog and even be exactly 25 yards away from me though You know cuz I don't yeah

That's all I'm like I'm only scoped out for from my porch to the fire pit. Don't you have a adjustable site? No, I have four sites. I didn't really learn that much about bow hunting with Cam. I just shot a couple times. But I know that like one site is for that distance, one site is for that distance, and I don't even need the second site in my backyard. Like my backyard is not that big. Right, right. You should go somewhere where you could practice. They have a good one. They have a good one in, I think, it's over in a park.

They have a whole archery range. Oh nice. Yeah. Yeah, you should go there. I get weird with that shit. I have weird issues about joining in or doing something new, like getting into a spin class that I've never met anyone. I just kind of like doing it in my backyard.

Doing it in the backyard is fun, but just for your own ability to get better at it, you really should stretch out your distance. Because what happens is there's little tiny errors in your form that don't show up at 20 yards that'll show up at 60 yards. And you gotta find out what those are. Like I always shoot at 85 yards.

You shoot at 85 yards? 85 yards. At your house? Yeah. Yeah, I set 85 yards is a distance I would never shoot an animal at, and if I could be super accurate at 85 yards, when an animal's at 50 yards,

it feels to me like a chip shot, like I can just nail it, because I'm always shooting long distances. So at a long distance, any little deviation, or torque of your hand, it can make a big difference in how the arrow goes off, and at 70 yards, it might be four or five, six inches to the left, to the right, up, down, it's spread out,

and you wanna tighten it up like this. You wanna get that group like a softball? That's what I want. I want a softball at 85 yards. That's what I know I can go hunting Yeah, but I can get a softball at 85 yards. I'm dialed. I'm dialed in I've been shooting. I've been shooting from a higher platform to is that that's very good. That's very good Especially if you ever have to go hunting in a tree stand Treestand hunting is very difficult. So I've only done it once.

My good friend John Dudley took me to his farm in Iowa. John actually taught me a lot about archery too. Most of what I know about form and technique I learned from John. And anyway, John has this amazing setup in Iowa. And you go up in these tree stands and you have to buckle yourself in with a safety wire or a safety rope, and you're sitting there all day.

You sit all day, all day. It's freezing. It's November. It's in Iowa. It's fucking three degrees. You're sitting there freezing your fucking dick off, and sometimes you have these giant suits that you put over your whole body and zip up like you're a giant burrito of fur almost like a sleeping bag and you're sober and you're not

doing anything but just waiting yeah you can't be drunk can't be listening to like a podcast you really shouldn't you want to hear you want to hear branches snapping you want to hear the little cracks the little sounds a little that's what you're listening for. Guys even wear these things called Walker game ears. And Walker game ears, it's almost like a hearing aid, and you put them in and you crank it up and you can hear things like way amplified.

Way amplified. Like there's certain headphones you wear if you go to a gun range, they tune out any sound that's over a certain pitch, like a certain volume, but amplify other sounds. So you can hear people talking from way away. Really? Yeah, way stronger ability to hear. But then the gun, it cuts out the sound when it gets to a dangerous, so every gun's like

tack tack tack, tack tack tack, but the sound of other people is still present. So you could talk at a gun range, you don't have to have like full ear, like the foam one stuffed in there, where you have to pull, like a Tarrant tactical, they always use those. You have to pull them out to talk to people. These you can cut, so these guys wear things like that, so they can hear everything in the forest. They can hear everything in the forest Wow They can hear every little sound because when a deer is coming in they come in slowly They like they're all wary and shit. They're stepping on the grass. They're moving around and you might just hear something Just a rustle and you're like where's and you see

And you got to get your bow so you're waiting all day for one moment and you're shooting down. Cause like the animals, like they're down like below you or like you're at a sharp angle. So you have to have like a range compensating, an angle compensating range fighter because the shot might be 40 yards but it actually might be 20 yards because you're shooting straight down.

So you're shooting straight down. You're the way your arrow is gonna drop, it's not gonna be as affected by gravity. So if you're shooting 40 yards on a flat plane, the arrow's gonna arc and it's gonna drop. So over the course of the 40 yards, if your arrow's going 290 feet per second, which is a good speed,

it's gonna slowly drop until it gets to 40 yards. So that's why your range, like you set up the pin, you move it to where the arrow's gonna be when it finally gets there at 40 yards. You'll know where the difference is. Can you move your own pin? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I need camera to move mine.

I have a wheel that it's set up that like I have what's called a Spot Hog, a Fast Eddy, and it's got two pins on it. And one pin will be at 20 yards, the other pin will be at 35 yards. And then I move it down, and then the one pin is at 50 yards, and the other pin is at like 75 yards.

Oh, that's not mine. Or 65 yards. Mine's just got four different sites. Oh, okay. So mine is an adjustable one that's on a wheel, and that's what you need, because like, with the rain, like say if a deer's coming in and you're in a tree stand, you look and you're like,

that's pretty far away, but it's pretty far like this, straight down. So pretty far straight down, your arrow's not gonna drop as much as if you were shooting straight. If you're shooting straight, it's gonna go boom. And then, so you have to have a range finder that figures that out for you. And it says, even though that's 40 yards away,

the angle compensation is actually 26 yards. So you have to dial your shit to 26 yards and then you'll be perfect. Have you ever gone fishing with a bow? No I have not but it looks amazing. It is so fucking difficult. It looks fun too though. It's fun but it's difficult because of the water reflection you've got to shoot like six inches below it right? Yeah well I don't know because I never got one so yeah I was and I was a little drunk I was like I was like this will be easy. I think

you have to shoot six it's refract reflac refraction right? Yeah. Yeah I think you have to shoot below what you see. Yeah. Yeah. That's a mindf. I couldn't, I, when we sat out there it was salmon all over. You could see them. It was, yeah. And I fucking must've taken a hundred shots. Oh man. That must've been so fun. It was fun, but you know. Was that, is that like a recurve bow or is that a bow with a release? Do you have a release? I don't remember. I think it was, I think it was a, I think it was a compound bow. Oh, okay. I think so. Yeah, that's better. The compound bow, you could be more accurate. So with the compound bow, I don't know how to aim with a recurve bow at all. I've only shot one three or four

times ever. And I went on this trip to Lanai with my family, and one of the things that they had was this little archery lesson. You could take archery classes and shoot at little targets. And they had recurve bows. I had never shot a bow without a sight before. So I was like trying to like line it up. How do you know where the arrow's gonna go? You have no idea.

That's the only bows I've ever shot. It was like a recurve? Yeah, a recurve. I shot a recurve bow. We did like archery lessons in Italy. And so we were at different, you know how like those hills that are like almost like steps? And so so they'd have but it was weird because the

recurve bow was such that you had to hold it kind of like an angle so that the arrow stays on the shelf. During the pandemic I got the girls both recurve bows and we would shoot in the backyard all the time. It's fun it's definitely fun but it's it's kind of like throwing a rock or throwing a baseball. You've gotta have a feel for where that baseball's gonna go at 30 yards, at 40 yards, at 50 yards. You know, if you had to throw a baseball and hit a tree, you would know, okay, I gotta throw it a little harder. You get a feel.

So that's different than regular archery, or excuse me, compound archery. Because compound archery, you're basically relying on the sight and the technique like you you dial it in you get that pin it's at 42 yards and then you're just going through your shot process you're just staying steady and making sure you go through your shot process perfect so that when the shot breaks the arrow goes exactly where you want to but with a recurve like you have to practice all the time because you have to have that feel. You have to have a feel and know where that arrow is going

to go. Like you're looking down the shaft of your arrow, but your accuracy is greatly diminished compared to like a compound bow. I haven't shot my re I only shot shoot my compound bow now, but I've been shot my recurve bow with the little wristlet thing. I like to do that because I use't shot my re I only shot shoot my compound bow now, but I've been shot my recurve bow with the little Wristlet thing yeah, I like to do that because I use always just my fingers Well, that's an interesting thing. So use a release on a recurve. I'm sure people do that You'd have to put a D loop on it though You put or nah, I guess not you can hold it from the top or the bottom. That would be better

Yeah, that would definitely be better. So you definitely get a more consistent release, but people want to be primitive You know like the real psychos what happens is guys the highest level of bow hunting is Guys go after like elk and deer with a recurve bow. My friend Aaron Schneider did that for a couple years he only shot because he's like a Elite hunter like an elite bow, but what's the ultimate poundage of a recurve bow? What's the highest it can go? It's you're not getting it nearly the amount of kinetic energy So the kinetic energy you would get from a compound bow like Aaron's a big guy He's pretty jacked and so like his bow is like an 82 85 pound bow probably and he's a big guy

So he's probably got a 30 inch draw somewhere around there. So he's getting So he's probably got a 30 inch draw somewhere around there. So he's getting insane amounts of kinetic energy in these arrows. That was that just blowing through everything. That's the craziest part of getting fitted for a bow. So I was always like, I was always come here. I was like, Joe, let me shoot your bow. And you're like, it's not that easy, because it's set up for a person. Yeah, it's set up for your wingspan.

Like you're taller than me. So you're what is your your do you know where your draw length is? No, Cam did all of it and I was just listening. Your draw length's probably 29 and a half maybe 30 inches mine's 28 so 20 I used to have 28 and a half and then I dropped down to 28 and I adjusted a few things and I feel like the more tension at the end like the further back you are like I know guys who want extra energy and so they're what's called overdrawn. So they maybe should have a 27 inch draw, but they have a 29 inch draw and they have

their release way back here. So they're shooting things totally different. You would never tell anybody to do that, but some guys get really good doing that and then they just stick with it. Like it's all about repeatability but Cam taught me, like Cam is smaller than, his draw is a little bit smaller than mine, his is 27 and he had a longer draw, he started out with a longer draw as well

but then brought, for him the ultimate thing is accuracy. And he's like when your bow is more tense, more taut and there's more tension on it, if it's a shorter draw length, you're more accurate. You wanna get it perfect. You wanna, exactly what your frame is. And for me, it seems like 28 inches is the right number. I have one of my most manly moments of my entire life in that fucking bow, in that bow store.

Yeah, it's a very manly place. Dude, Cam was like, they had me set for like a 40 pound, you know bow And I go okay, and he was like I go. What do you guys shoot like you and Rogan? He was like 80 pounds. I think it was a baby said 90. Oh, okay. So it's 90 So he can goes Kim goes I was that one tough to drop pull back and he was like, yeah And I was like I try and he was like, okay So he pulls it and brings it over, you know, all the bow guys are there So I hang and I pull it back and Kim goes hold on. Hold on. Hang on takes the bow off

And he puts it and he measures it. He's like, there's no way he did that and he measured the test He was god damn it. He goes. All right, let's move over 69. You're strong, dude, man You were talking about how you bench press. What did you what are you bench pressing now? 325 325 for how many just one? That's impressive. That's a lot of weight. It's dangerous for your shoulders though. That's why I don't like it It's not it's not sustainable and there's no reason to do it because as I did it I gained weight like I gained weight I gained 10 pounds. Yeah, like this is gonna sound so silly and you know me so well that you're gonna laugh when I say this But like my jackets weren't fitting. No, I'm sure. Like I'm thick. My shoulders and my chest and my biceps, my triceps, everything in the jacket just wouldn't fit. A year ago when you were at the club, I was calling you Jack Bert.

Remember? I was like, did you want to say this? I go, dude, you look different now. It's not as funny when you take your shirt off because I'm like, he's fucking jacked. like a football player. You look like a big like a tank Abbott. That's what you look like Fucker he was a bad motherfucker I was I was pretty skinny in the special not skinny But like I was in good shape in the special tanned really tanned special outfit bro tank Abbott He put like UFC on the map duty that early generation of guys were so charismatic Oh, yeah, I mean when you look like Frank, what's his name shamrock Frank shamrock? Oh, yeah, hoist Gracie

Oh, yeah, tank Abbott Ken shamrock Ken shamrock. Yeah, that was like yeah, that was like the John Frye. Oh, yeah Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know we were I was we were we just that the other day I wonder what was you've seen with my wife and she was and I was saying to her She was like so so that was your first her first one live. Oh, yeah Have you seen what you saw one live at the apex? I saw I saw one live at? Madison Square Garden. Oh, that's right. Yeah, that was a good one, too Yeah, but we sat we I bought the tickets so we sat up in the nosebleed that made me angry don't ever buy tickets I know but I'm never gonna ask for something

No, I get angry when people ask you for shit because you're so generous with everyone Yeah, that does that I feel bad you called you said do you want tickets and I was like You first of all you're like, are you going to UFC and I was like, I'm not gonna say I don't want to sound You're going to slap fight. I'm like, okay, you're here Yeah, like I didn't know if you were set up yet No, and and I wasn't gonna ask Dana for tickets and then you're like, oh, let me get you tickets And then you go UFC's got better tickets, dude. That was a fucking fever dream that night. It was me and Theo I don't think I've laughed harder with an individual in my fucking life No, there's no one better than Theo for can we get that writer for a hang dude?

Just talking shit being silly. It was me him and my wife the whole time They were like cuz we went to slap fight together Then we went to UFC together sat next to Taylor sat next to Max Crosby sat next to Mel Gibson Taylor Sheridan Look at that Mario Lopez What a fucking crew the guys are like like Max and and Taylor low on a fucking crew Taylor LeWan is the one who did me the bench press bet with him and bust with the boys He was like he saw me try to get 300. He's like you can't get 300, bro We went gambling with him and Jamie and Shane and always been Dana White in Vegas

And I watched him beat down Dana was betting for him Dana was telling him what to bet and They have this system okay whatever yeah he's up he's up like a considerable amount of money over the course of all the times they've been gambling but they gamble heavy very and Jamie and I were getting severe anxiety they were down a hundred and twenty five thousand dollars in the first five minutes. Do you remember that? How scary was that? I was gonna I was I was like, let me get a marker a hop out now I've never gotten a marker. I got a marker one time with Tommy for what do you have to do?

Do you have to give me a credit card? Oh, it's they've got to do a fucking bank transfer It takes a long time to get a marker bank unless you've done it before Yeah, I do that took me an hour and a half to get a fucking marker. How do you get a bank transfer in the middle of the night? You have to call your bank? I don't think you can get a marker unless you've already had that established earlier. And you had? No, I hadn't. Me and Tommy were there and Tommy's like get a marker. So I was like, okay So I asked for a marker and it took forever. They'd go through my financial guy and then they came in. Financial guys around in Vegas? They called him. They called him. At home? home at work it was like Tommy and I was it Tommy never doing it when we did the Super Bowl like two years ago oh so it was

daytime it was daytime okay and so Tommy's already gotten his marker and I it took me forever to get a marker I got a $50,000 marker and dude I got so nervous I bet a thousand dollars lost 300 and I was like I'm done. I was like a pussy. I just remember being poor too well. It's not it's not gambling's not fun unless it sparkles unless there's like a unless unless there's terror. Yeah It's not fun when you're like, you know 20 bucks. Yeah 50 bucks exactly I gotta bet 50 000 all of that money on something to feel it But I love I love the feeling but the feeling's not worth it to lose the money. Yeah, the losing the money Holy shit Dana White when we got there. What was he down $600,000?

yeah, he was down $600,000 and He stayed all night and he was there to like 5 o'clock in the morning and he got it back and was up $600,000 when he left He gambles. He goes. He plays Baccarat. Hard. He is a blackjack.

Baccarat too. That's his new game. Does it? Ooh. We did, Tommy and I did a podcast with him and uh. I bet more. What's that? $500,000.

Oh! Max there. What is, I don't even know what that is. What is Baccarat? I know the name. I honestly could not have played it. I think it's like a Chinese blackjack. Oh If I had to like it was on a quib quiz show someone explain back around it be like fuck I

Should fucking know that Ricky Tiki Dobby. I know what craps is I know how that works I don't know how it works. No, I do not know like the rules like what is the cum line and all that shit You know, I don't know what else I know what it is Perhaps is just a simple game They throw the dice but all the different the cum and this the fucking lines. Yeah, I don't know what's going Oh, it's craps is simple really honestly craps is a very it's not simple. Yeah, but it's it's basically roll the dice Whatever that number is you just got to roll it again And then everyone gets a bet on whether you're not gonna roll it, whether you are gonna roll it, and then they can bet on the other numbers that you might roll before you roll your

second number, and then there's two rolls that get you out, and then if you roll those at the beginning, you get money. It's a simple game, technically. Not as simple as blackjack, but back or at. And that's one that you get your wife to kiss the dice, and then you throw it. Oh yeah. You get her to throw it for you, and she gets on a hot

streak. Dude, we got on a hot streak on a boat one time Me and my buddy cowhead and our buddy Pete and we were fucking we were rolling hot and fucking people are loot making a lot Of money and we're talking I'm on my 20th roll and I'm hitting them and hitting them and hitting them and I grab them one Time I go to roll and the dealer guy hits my hands with the fucking stick And I go what and he goes miss roll and I go whoa and then I rolled a criss crapped out of seven and I was like fuck that I go fuck that and then the guy goes alright I'm out and he just clocked out and walked away and I fuck me and my buddy Pete made him

apologize to us why do you say it was a bad roll he just if they try to fuck up your flow they don't want to they don't want your flow to fucking oh they don't want you to stay hot yeah you're hot, let's fuck it up. Mm, what is this? World record shit for four and a half hours straight. What? Yeah, I mean, the amount of money and the energy at that table would have been...

Insane. Been bonkers. The fun is the shit you say as you roll the dice. Four hours and 18 minutes later, Demarro had rolled a world record for craps rolls. She rolled 154 times. The odds of accomplishing this are 1 in 1.56 trillion. Do you know how much money she made the people at that table?

What does that mean? So she rolled the same number every time? No, it means that she didn't roll a seven after her come out roll for that many rolls. She may have rolled a seven, but if you roll roll seven on your come out roll, then you get paid See, this is why it's confusing. They try to pretend. It's not confusing. No, it's not confusing. Yeah Backer at the rough one. So Dana said Dana said he goes Take out I think he said two hundred seventy five thousand dollars marker to me and Tommy, he's like, I was gonna be in Vegas, I go, he goes, Bert, take out a $275,000 marker,

come play back route with me, I'll double your money. And I was like, if you, just. Nay. Nay, sir. Tom's like, do it, and Leanne wouldn't let me do it. She's like, no fucking way. She's gonna, you're gonna lose it? And he's gonna be like, ah, I didn't see that coming.

Or you're gonna get addicted to doing that, and you're gonna wanna do it all the time. That's like no fucking way. She's gonna you're gonna lose it and he's gonna be like I didn't see that coming or you're gonna like get addicted to doing that and you're gonna want to do it all the time That's what she sees coming. She sees it coming. Like she sees everything else No Big guy give me those pills. I got the ick on all of it Yeah, she's right. She's right. I mean look Dan has got a lot of money. He makes a lot of money He can do that. He likes doing that. It works somehow or another. It wouldn't work for me.

No. It's not my thing. It's not my thing. But for some people, like he loves living in Vegas. He loves playing. He loves Vegas. Loves it. Loves it.

He's got the town wired. You know? Why wouldn't he love it? You know, the sports there all the time. We've got the UFCPI there. So there's fights there almost, I mean, every month there's a fight at the the the apex at least What's can I tell you the craziest experience of that whole thing other than meeting Mel Gibson, which was a dream He was the sweetest guy. He's a nice guy. He was a nice guy

Well, I told you I met him on the plane and flying here Yeah, and then he walked by me like when he left at the plane. He's like like maybe I'll see you this weekend I was like hopefully and then when he walked into UFC came over grab my leg he's like what's up big guy and I was like and the guys next to me are like you know Dan you know Mel Gibson I was like yeah but the coolest way back coolest part was the fucking guy Ari Emanuel that watching the character from entourage be himself because I sat right behind him and he was just he's the guy he's much more reasonable but he's still a character oh he's definitely a character yeah he's a

nice guy him and Peter Berg were right up right in front of me and Leanne I love that dude Peter Berg's shit have you been watching American Primeval? Of course. Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck. God. Peter Berg's a great, dude, and he was a great actor. Do you remember Aspen Extreme? Yeah.

He was great in the show too. He was great in American Primeval. He's great. He's been in a bunch of movies, but I think he really shines as a filmmaker. Wait, what's the movie, what's the TV show Gary Oldman's in right now? Not Black Doves.

It's an Apple, Joe this is the best damn show out there. Apple's making some banging shows. Slow Horses, have you seen it? Joe, Slow Horses is Gary Oldman's best work yet in my opinion. He is so fucking good and it is such a great show. Damn, Slow Horses on Netflix. It's what's great about these shows. Oh no, on Apple.

Like The English or Slow Horses or Black Doves is there's six episodes, but it's a six episode arc. So it's not just like episodic like we remember like old dramas being where the whole thing happened in the hour and then you never have to watch that again. Brand new one, the whole thing happens in an hour. There are these episode arcs where it starts off telling a story and you pay out by the last episode much like Peaky Blinders.

Peaky Blinders, they were great standalone episodes but that episode, it was so addictive. That's what, the streamers have changed the way we're taking in content because you start if you start slow horses tonight You'll watch all six and then you'll be like honey. We're watching all of these tomorrow It's so fucking good Gary Oldman's awesome Gary Oldman is the third best vampire movie is his Dracula Oh his Dracula his Dracula was very good. It was very good. Wait, are you a Dracula guy? Love Dracula. Who do you like more, Dracula or the werewolf? Werewolves. Werewolves? They're the most fun. The most fun. Like, just some

poor dude. Yeah. He's like the moon changes, like, fuck! And just waking up covered in blood like, what happened? Like, The idea of it is just so crazy. I always just always loved werewolf movies. What happened to Benicio Del Toro's werewolf movie? That was a good one. It was good, it just petered out. There was some real great moments in it. We played it a bunch of times,

but the one when they're in the theater, the medical theater, and he's trying to convince this guy that the guy's insane. He's like, I'm here to show you that he will not turn into a wolf. He thinks he will. You know, and so they have him strapped up. It's like, I'm going to kill you all. His body starts fucking.

It's an amazing transformation scene. But Rick Baker did that film, the same guy that did American Werewolf in London. Yeah, it's the, you know, the werewolf that we have in the lobby. That's the greatest werewolf movie of all time, no question, because it's John Landis. It's actually funny, there's funny moments in it. It's really fucking good, it's a good movie. They did a great job of only showing the wolf

like a little bit, so you're really scared when you actually see it. They don't get you numb to the thing being there. So this is the theater scene. He starts changing. So this is like they did a combination of CGI and makeup. So the thing about CGI is like right there, that's CGI. CGI, you kinda know it's CGI.

There's the uncanny valley effect, right? Yeah. And so when he fully transforms in the scenes where he's attacking people, he's an actor, he's Benicio del Toro, but with all these prosthetics on. And it looks much more realistic, like the way it moves, the way it behaves. Like when he goes after these people it seems well go back

up so you can see it rip the guys heart out oh he threw the dude through the window he's back up a little bit before that is when he tears the guy apart before that is when he tears the guy apart. Look at this. Oh my god. See, so when it's a dude in a costume with all the fur on it, the way it moves is just, they can't quite fix that.

In CGI? It's not quite there. It still gives you that thing where there's a suspension of disbelief. But when they use makeup, like they did in American Werewolf in London, the transformation scene in American Werewolf in London, do you remember that one? Oh yeah. The guy's in the bedroom or in the living room and he just starts fucking, ah, and his back pops up and he stretches out and starts getting covered in hair.

Aren't they playing like CCR in that? Yeah I think it's bad. Well for London. No, I think it's bad moon on the rise Damn yeah, I mean I could use a new werewolf You know what they were doing doing it the guy who did Nosferatu is gonna do a werewolf movie now No shit They were gonna do a series of all the horror No shit, they were gonna do a series of all the horror movies, and it started with The Mummy with Tom Cruise.

They had one set up for Johnny Depp. But The Mummy with Tom Cruise is not the mummy, the scary mummy from like when we were kids. Yeah, but they were all reimagined. Like I took a meeting with that, whatever that studio was, and they always wanted a comedic actor in it. For the one that in the mummy it was Jake

Jake guy's such a great actor and I'm fucking flaking on his name. He was a new girl Jake Jake Johnson Jake Johnson is funny a shit. He is a great actor and he was the comedic relief in the mummy and and they were gonna do that with each of them and so they had one set up for for uh for Johnny Depp they had set up for big stars everyone was getting their own wasn't it Brandon Frazier originally he was in the the original mummy original original yeah and then it was the rock oh that's right that's right and then it was Tom Cruise. I love Brandon Fraser's revival. Isn't it amazing?

Dude. Isn't it great when a guy comes back, and not just comes back, but comes back and kills it in a movie, and then has this heartfelt speech where he's tearing up and crying, and everybody loves him again. That must have felt awful for that guy. He was this giant movie star.

He was in all these giant films, and then for whatever reason, he just kind of faded away. He got me too. Is that what happened? He, but by a dude. The dude tried to fucking touch him, and he stood up to the guy and was like, hey man, you go fuck yourself.

The guy's like, I'll ruin your career. If I'm, obviously my memory is whatever the fuck it is, but he came out and he said, you know, I was blackballed because a guy fucking called a dude out. Let's find out if that's true, let's find out if that's true Yeah, find out that's true Allegedly Allegedly is a great word the but it's it's crazy those I saw some of Mickey Rourke

That's what he said, yeah, okay Mickey Rourke said he hadn't worked for 13 years and Mickey Rourke was the man. I hope a Greenwich Village Oh Angel Heart Didn't he do the one with the ice cube on the stomach the blue dream or blue Right with Kim Basinger where he like that and it was like What was it called Where he like that and it was like right? Oh, my sex movie and it was What was it called wild working Wow work it But he said he I saw an interview with him and he said he hadn't worked at 13 years He was down on his money all I saw that his motorcycles in his clothes He dressed himself up one night and took himself out for a bowl of spaghetti

And it's all the money had fucking Sylvester Stallone walked by and he was like, hey man, where you been? He's like, she's been out. He was like, you wanna work in a movie? He was like, yeah. And he goes, that one movie paid six months of my rent and it was his comeback. Yeah.

Mickey Rourke's always been a badass. He was awesome. I bought clothes because I saw what he was wearing on a Sunday. He had on the coolest fucking outfit. And it's so silly, but had like a Adidas track pants This had to be like 2001 Adidas track pants with white Adidas shoes and a wife beater and he was putting cases of Heineken in the back of a

Cadillac DTS and I was watching him from across the street and I was like I'm getting those pants I'm getting these shoes Puma shoes Adidas pants and a fucking wife beater and I do that dress like that Hoping someone be like dude. That's a badass outfit. No one ever said it to me. You know, it's a great I would have said thank you You know, it's a great movie that people slept on they forgot about with him Chinatown. Wait, is he in Chinatown? Now, what was it called? It wasn't Chinatown was Jack Nicholson, but there was another there was a Chinatown. God damn it You're the dragon you're the dragon was's here the dragon that's what it was that's what which one's here the dragon you're the dragon is he's a cop he's like a dirty cop in this Chinese mob film it's really good man it's really good man. It's really good. What year is this? 85 so I was in fucking high school man

Wow This is the year I graduated high school It's a good movie though, man real good movie. It might not hold up really hot Chinese lady falls in love with her Oh, baby, it's crazy when you see your heroes get older You know like Harrison Ford to see him now and be like he's great in that 1923 show though have you been watching that was this Taylor show yeah no he's great oh this is oh I just saw yeah we was talking about episode 4 last night he's great in that he's he's the man you know they said the rumor is they cat they were gonna cast Tom Selleck as Han Solo did you hear this yeah and he

was a carpenter he was a Mark Hamill told me this story. Yeah, did he really? Yeah, yeah, he said they were having Harrison Reed with everyone, so, cause he was like a great actor, but he was also a carpenter, and they're like, you just read sides of people as they audition. So we read with Kerry, we read with Mark, we read with everyone, they were gonna cast Tom Selleck, and at the last minute they said, you know,

I don't know, man, something about Tom Selleck isn't dangerous, there's something dangerous about Harrison Ford. And there is. He's just really working, struggling. Yeah. And he's, I mean, I just watched all three Raiders of the Lost Ark the other night, and he is fucking funny.

He's great. Cool. Do you know that scene where the guy pulls out the sword, starts swinging around, he just shoots him? Yeah. You know, he improvised that? Yeah. That's fucking amazing. Amazing scene. He improvised that. Yeah. That's fucking amazing.

Amazing scene. He improvised it. I remember watching it in the movie theater and going, shah! Yeah, perfect. That's what you hope always happens. Get the fuck out of here with that sword. Boom! God.

And he was a hero with a tragic flaw, and that was snakes. That was his weakness. That was his Achilles heel. Also, he was a professor that was like secretly dangerous. Secretly out there doing real archaeology. He had a whip. Here it is. This is the scene. They were supposed to have this whole choreographed thing with a sword and the whip. How many franchises is he the actor that's had the most franchises behind him? No, it's gotta be Tom Cruise, right? Oh yeah.

Tom Cruise, well he wasn't in the new Topcom, was he? Yeah he was. I didn't watch it. You didn't watch it? Oh I did watch a little of it. Oh it's so good. I turned it off after a while turned it off. I cried and I turned it off after a while What's that oh He is the most so he's got Star Wars. He's got Raiders of Lost Art Jack Ryan. He's got 20 of them

Wait, wait, where's this franchise roles? I don't know if it's like, you know, oh like a small world for 20 different franchises Oh, okay little starring in franchises. You got the two big ones Raiders of the Lost Ark huge Star Wars the hugest of all time. Can you imagine doing can you imagine doing Star Wars and then Doing Raiders of the Lost Ark and be and you'd be just being like I guess I don't fuck up I guess I just hit dingers. Well, I mean can you imagine he obviously is very fortunate to get cast in those but also he killed it, right? It's like apparently one of the cool things to party with the scene with him and fucking the the love tension between him and Carrie Fisher was amazing. Okay, can I ask you something as a first grade Burt to a fourth grade Joe Rogan? Did you know that Darth Vader was his dad in the first episode? No, okay? I didn't either

I was fucking cousins were like how did you not know that? I mean your cousins are douchebags Yeah, they didn't know either God. They're bullshitting. I found out and they were like, how did you not know? They were those guys. You know, those guys are just read something and then barks it at you like how the fuck do not know this Matt, you don't know the fuck do not know this man You don't know the fuck your federal reserves You don't know about the ice wall. I think they had a game show called you'd be shocked what Burt doesn't know People make a lot of money. Oh, yeah, I don't know anything. I know shit that doesn't help Do you know the most interesting shit at a dinner party to talk about?

Like I don't know any of that shit. Well, I definitely can do that. I can talk on the surface level about a lot of stuff. Do you like when a person like Taylor, you were kind of between three conversations because you were talking to your wife, you were talking to David, but like me and Leann were dead set talking to Taylor. And I love, I love when a dude hold hold score like that was a great table

He said the way he sat where he's like, let me tell you about Yeah, remember Leanne was like I had four hundred kid a head of cattle as a kid and he goes Yeah, I got fourteen thousand and I was like Leanne shut your mouth. Let him talk. He wrote he did fucking Yellowstone Let him talk. Don't stop He's a storyteller. He's a great storyteller and he's a guy, you know There's a ranch that I hunt at in California, and he was a cowboy on that ranch Yeah at one point time an actual cowboy. He actually worked and helped to fucking Move cattle around oh, and you know me like you know if sometimes if you tell a story

I guess tell him a story. I'll tell you my story after yeah, buddy. There's none of those in that guy I'll tell you my story after. Buddy. There's none of those in that guy. You can't top any of his fucking stories. But that's why his stories are so good. It's like lived experience. Very lived experience. A real understanding.

That's like his love for the cowboy culture is like completely legitimate. It's why Yellowstone is so good. Yes. I mean you can fake it. People have faked it before. But when someone does it that really loves it, that's when it gets people excited

and they move to Montana. They decide, they want, I want to live that life. It's like Avatar depression, I want to be on Pandora. It's like people, you get sucked in by someone who's done an amazing job of telling a film or a story on a show, and that's what entertainment is really all about. For me, I'm not looking for any fucking lessons about equity and inclusion and diversity.

I already think that way. I already think that all human beings are the same. We're all just one thing, experiencing each other subjectively, as Bill Hicks said. I believe that. So I don't need that lesson. That lesson just makes me feel like you're preaching to me and that shit that. So I don't need that lesson. That lesson just makes me feel like you're preaching to me and that shit's annoying. I don't like it. It's boring. I already know these things. Stop. We're doing it for other people. It doesn't work. It doesn't

work. It just makes people more self-righteous and they want to talk about it all the time. I have a weird question. Do you think, cause like I feel like, cause I'm on Instagram a lot, like I might be switching to a flip-flop Right, but I'm not watching anything right after you quit drinking, right? No, my wife already bought the flip phone She was like do that my daughter's put a parental controls on my Instagram But uh Would you think that like I notice seems like a lot of people now are almost living for Instagram, like, like, hey, this is me and my three friends

and we're sailing around the world. And then do you think people were doing that before Instagram? No, no, I think definitely people are doing things so that they can show that they're doing things. But if you're actually doing things, it's a balancing thing. If you're experiencing more stuff because you're documenting it for your YouTube channel, you're still experiencing more stuff. I mean, you're putting it all out there,

but you're still experiencing more stuff. That's probably net positive. The problem is when you find yourself hanging out with your friends, but all you're doing is staring at your phone. It's a real It's a real trap that we all get sucked into especially if you got a good algorithm You know, it's filled with stuff that pisses you off or freaks you out, which is mine Oh, I don't watch any my shit my shit's all people doing epic shit. Oh, that's good

Yeah, like I like I followed these two dudes climb Everest I followed them on Instagram climb fucking Everest and I was like Climb Mount Kilimanjaro. No, no, no, no coming Jaros achievable. No, I go I want to do I big shit like I got to a place when I was I started taking time off in July and I was Like yo, I need I want a month. I want to sail to Hawaii I want to see what it's like to be afraid you know in the middle of the ocean up how many people die like Mount Kilimanjaro oh nobody Mount Kilimanjaro is easy yeah it's a light lift there's a light lift people have died in Mount

Kilimanjaro is easy I guarantee you no it's like a it's a long hike I bet people have died okay I bet it's under 10 how many three to ten a year yeah but watch how many people die going to Everest yeah, that's not good No, if you play rush rule it with five bullets you shot more. I only play with one You know many people definitely don't die on Mount Kilimanjaro that don't go to Mount Kilimanjaro 100% 100% of the people that don't go to Mount Kilimanjaro? 100% of them. 100% of the people that don't go up that fucking stupid mountain. Just get a fucking oculus and watch that shit. Just watch it. Watch it in your head. You can get videos of it. 340 people have died attempting

to reach or return. What happened? Oh, Mount Everest. Since records began, many bodies remain. Have you ever seen the bodies scattered scattered like the map of the bodies where they show where the known dead bodies on Mount Everest are it's terrifying do you want to know the craziest one so the first dude to ever attempt the summit I think his name is Mallory right Evan Hillary is one's got it there so he they said they found his body you know probably five years after ten years after and they said he had a broken leg a fractured skull and his pick and that's how they could figure out it was him because his initials were in his pick and They said he always carried a picture of his wife

Because he was gonna put the picture of his wife on the top of Mount Everest and it wasn't in his pocket So they're like did he was he in fact the first person to get there? Oh probably and then he left there and then died on the ridge coming down probably the other thing that I think is wild is Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay made a deal that they would reach the summit at the same time Because it was like you know who gets to the summer first Right and it's a it's a I mean when you think about it, you know, especially with racism back then, I mean, Hillary was a Kiwi.

You know, he must have been like, hey, Brown guy, just carry the bags. I'm going to I'm going to get up there and you come up, get a picture of me. And then we'll do it one together and then we'll let it down. But they made a deal to go up together because they needed them that much. Well, you definitely need those Sherpas can go all the way up there with no oxygen. Those Sherpas will get locked on a ledge with a bunch of white people. The white people have to have helicopters come out and get them.

A helicopter, I think, can only get to like 23,000 feet, is like the safe zone. They'll come and get the white people out, and then the Sherpas are like, oh, we're gonna walk down, we're good. They'll hang out for like seven days up there, and then I just heard a documentary about it or saw a podcast But those guys can are so fucking good at it. Also, they're so adapted to that climate. They live up there that

The the adaption is a big part of it Right because it takes a long time to be able to adapt to that low of an altitude or high of an altitude rather Look what they're carrying that shit on his back. That is crazy Bro, I walk around with a 45 pound plate and I complain That's so much shit that guy must have legs of steel How about how bad is his I bet they all smoke I bet they smoke like a chimney. Yeah, do they smoke? Do you sure about smoke? I? Just saw a documentary on Netflix

about the earthquake in, look at him. Smoking. Eric Shipton. Look at that guy. That's one of them early explorer type fellas. Click on that dude with the pipe. Yeah, look at that guy. Back in the day, man, no fucking internet.

These guys had heard about it. They heard about it, you know? We're gonna go. Probably saw a photo that one person took you know I mean back then you know fucking people had photos the the guy who figured out the height in like what fucking 30 and right turn of century was a Indian guy or you know Nepalese he figured out the height and he was within 30 feet of being correct just from distance into a math he was in 30 feet after satellite images came in look at

this Everest pioneers packed 15,000 cigarettes despite low oxygen I bet they thought it was good for their lungs well people used to think that it was like an exercise for your lungs they did that with Teddy Roosevelt Teddy Roosevelt's dad Teddy Roosevelt had asthma. That's right. And his dad would make him smoke cigars with him in his lounge. He's like, you'll strengthen your lungs.

Yeah, I saw something like that where a doctor, and it was like an old timey movie. God, who was it? Who was it? I think it was Leonardo DiCaprio. Like who did Leonardo DiCaprio play in a movie? He played some famous wealthy guy. Howard Hughes. That's right. And I think it was when Howard Hughes was

young. He had bad lungs and the doctor was prescribing cigarettes to him. God, I hope I'm not remembering this wrong. I may be, but I know that they used to, some doctors would recommend cigarettes to certain people that have certain lung issues. Yeah. Which is so crazy. I would say they were so bad. How bad was going to the doctor back then? Oh, they were just guessing. I mean, not just guessing, but guessing so wrong. I asked my dad about the polio vaccine and I go, do they have to run it by your parents?

He goes, parents? They just took us into the gym and stuck everyone. I mean, they just were like, yo, we think this works. What was the, there's a controversy yesterday when there was some sort of a hearing on whether or not they should ban sugar and candy from school lunches, or whether they should discourage sugar and candy from school lunches, or whether they should discourage sugar and candy,

and it was something like the American Heart Association voted to not restrict the diets of kids. And everybody was like, what? What's going on? Like, let me get this right, because I was supposed to save this, and I was on the phone, and I didn't. See if you you could find it Jamie, but it was a conversation that was happening yesterday and it was being shared on the internet where people are freaking out.

And you're talking about school lunches, not like the way your parents remember correctly, unfortunately. So there were restrictions. I don't want to find out mistaken. There were restrictions on what we could give our kids to school. Really? You couldn't just give them everything. You couldn't just give them candy.

Couldn't give them candy. Yeah, here it is. Trump officials want to ban junk food from SNAP but past efforts show it's not easy. No, that's not it. There's something coming up. That's the only thing coming up? Yeah, it has to do with this, but I don't know what's... There was a video... Oh god, I want to save some. Supplemental nutrition assistance program. Yeah, Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program. Yeah, that's, I think that's the push, but there was resistance to it that I thought was crazy. God damn it, I know I saved it. Is that it?

It's the same thing. Okay, this is it. American Heart Association opposes SNAP's sugary food drink regulations. That's what it is. American Heart Association opposes a Texas bill that would restrict using SNAP benefits to purchase sugary drinks and process snacks. Critics' question of corporate funding

influences the American Health Association's policies. The AHA's opposition has sparked criticism over its history of receiving funding from major food companies like PepsiCo and Coca-Cola, raising concerns about conflicts of interest. An AHA spokesperson said their position on the Texas legislation was miscommunicated. They say the organization has long favored the USDA using its authority to increase the consumption of healthy foods and decrease consumption of sugary drinks." So they changed their opinion probably based on controversy. Hmm.

Okay. I often say, look at this, during the hearing, lawmakers and public health advocates voiced their opinions. State Senator Lois Korkhorst expressed shock over AHA's opposition during the hearing. I often say that I can never be surprised in this building, but for the American Heart Association to be against this bill, that might be the surprise of the session so far. That's kind of weird that they would, I mean, it doesn't even make sense. That's obviously not good for you.

No. Like, why would they encourage that or change it? Like what would be there? I forget what their argument was. Is it like a classist argument? I don't know. Is it? Because it seems like a classist thing. When you go to Whole Foods, it's different than going to Ralph's or Vaughan's. This is what it says. Puente testified the AHA was concerned about the bill's potential impact on SNAP

participation. He also emphasized the importance of educating the public about healthy eating instead of restricting purchases. See, but that seems weird. Like what better way to encourage healthy eating than say you're not gonna starve, you can get food, but you can't buy shit. You can go buy hamburgers. Where does this line draw the line? I'm just thinking like the other day I was in traffic and I thought, I can't believe they still let people ride motorcycles because people die all the time and they drive and they cut lanes.

They die in cars too though. But in motorcycles, like I'm getting one and my mom's like, that's why you're getting one. Oh yeah, fuck yeah. Why are you doing that? Cause Harley Rees Stout. Oh don't. And they were like, come on buddy. Not in California buddy. oh, yeah, fuck you. Why are you doing that? It's already reached out Oh don't and they were like, come on, buddy California just for late night drive out here late night late nights when the crackheads are I'll tell you what I'll leave it here If I can leave it your studio, and then this will be my Austin bike Bike I'm coming Austin bike in a fucking this motherfucker. Yeah, you're part. I'm coming out to Austin for like two two weeks in June

Nice get ready for my tour your kids have left the nest I'm like you to bail my brother buddy. I'm living with one person every day all fucking day wild I know we do everything together Come here you don't need to be in that bullshit state the there's no need for that anymore the mother She's just such a great your fucking house. It's such a great place to do stand-up It's such a great vibe right there. It's a great place to hang No, dude fun I went over there after our party on by Southwest South by and just got fucking lit Tony Shane

It's a fun place man called it called it early But I told Leanne I said I'm gonna do like a week in Oxnard juice I was gonna do a little run of my tour bus I said I think I'm gonna take my tour bus to Austin Just stay here for like a week two weeks It's a good place to fuck around do new stuff to it's especially in the little room that little room is just oh I can't tell you how valuable it is to have phones in yonder pouches comedy stores doing that now Yeah, Peter sure told me really yeah That is amazing really I don't know I don't think so he was two weeks ago

Maybe it was longer. I don't think so. It was two weeks ago. Maybe it was longer. I don't know, last time I was there I said some wild shit. Oh no, when he get out? I don't know. You can't practice. You can't fucking say. You gotta be able to practice. It's the snitches that want you to say...

It's almost like the fucking cunts that you... They can't help it. Because you can get so many likes. Yeah, and I'm like you want this comedy, right? But if you put something you say something while on stage and it's funny and they laugh You could take that and put it on your Instagram You'll get two million views and that's just too tempting for people. We bust people with those meta glasses Yeah, they try to come in with their fucking ray bandsBans on and film things. Those meta glasses are amazing. My friend Jimmy, who works for the UFC,

had them on the other day. Upon arrival at the venue, all phones procured in yonder bags. Is this a store? Yes, a comedy store. December 10th? Yep, 2024. Oh, wow.

Nice. Oh, I guess. They just forgot. Or maybe it was a comic who had his phone out. Some comic three down the river fucking that happens There's a lot of country comics, especially there's a lot of country comics. I'm starting to think that's all they got Buddy, do you ever hey Joe? Did you ever this is what makes me crazy? What makes you crazy? Burk, right sure do you ever be friends with someone and then all of a sudden realize you've been competing the whole time

But you didn't know you were in a competition. Yeah, that's unfortunate. That's unfortunate I'm inspired by is a better way to look at life Competing is just not good. I've never once competed with another comic. I've been inspired by so many fucking comments That's good. You have a healthy mindset, but I think our whole group has a healthy mindset. I think so Yeah, we don't have any cunts. We don't have any jealous, bitter cunts in the group of people that we're hanging with. I mean, I-

That's so important. I hung with Chappelle one night, and he just called, I was in Dayton, he was like, yeah, why don't you come out and party? And I was like, cool. And then we went out and partied. And I kind of forget what a fan I am of his, of just how great he is.

I mean, his kicker in the pussy joke might be one of my favorite jokes ever that's ever been written. It's so fucking dope. He's a great comic, but he's a great human. He's a great human. He's a fun hang. He's a genuine sweetheart of a guy.

I was with him right before I shot the special, and I said to him, and we're fucking lit, right? And I go, yo, Dave, I don't wanna fucking, I go, I don't wanna talk shop, I just wanna hang, but I gotta say, you're the greatest to ever do it. I'm getting ready to shoot my special. I just would love a little bit of your insight of what you think, like how you prepare for one.

He pellets a cigarette and he's like, all right. How many shows? I said six, he goes, perfect. He goes, and then he breaks down. I'm not gonna to do it because it's Dave's secret. It's Dave's thing. He shared. I don't want to, but he broke down how he does a special to me, me and him sitting in a fucking in a barn in the middle of a field in fucking three in the morning with IVs in our arms. And I was like, I was like, dude, I gave him a hug. I was

like, he's just saying he's the fucking greatest. Him and Cat Williams, two of the baddest motherfuckers and the sweetest guys. But I was like, that energy, I have no, I want Chappelle's special to be fucking amazing when it comes out. Like everyone's telling me how great Shultz's special is. I can't wait to fucking watch it. Yeah, but you have a good attitude.

That's a good attitude. That's how you're supposed to think. That's how I think, but. The other way is not good for you That's a good attitude. That's how you're supposed to think. That's how I think, but... The other way is not good for you. Let me see that. The other way is, but you want another one? You want a new one? Yeah, I'll take a new one.

The other way is bad for you as a human. It's not healthy to think that way. It doesn't do you any good. It only serves you to get fucked up. It only serves your ego and your bullshit. You got the clippers in the back? There you go. Ego, man.

It's just not good for you. It doesn't help you. It only hurts you. It doesn't hurt the person that you're jealous of, and it hurts you. It's just, it's not necessary. You could just be inspired, and you could say, oh, this fucking mutt can make it.

You can say that. I can do it too, but don't be jealous. If you could say, oh, this fucking mutt can make it. You can say that. I can do it too, but don't be jealous. If you don't like someone and they're becoming very successful, maybe think why you react so strongly. Because a lot of times it's unfortunately jealousy. Like there's comics that I don't think they're very good. They don't make me laugh, but I don't care.

I don't get mad at them. You know what don't care. I don't get mad at them You know I'm saying yeah, I don't get upset at them. They I mean I'll be friends with them I'll be I'll like them Oh, you know this comics that I then I had to learn how to do that because it used to be like if guys weren't funny I just couldn't deal with them couldn't hang out with them. I'm friends with a few people that suck But they're nice people, you know, you can separate that. But I'm also friends with some people that are mind blowing. You know, and there's such a value in that.

You know, when you're around people that are like really good at what they do, when you're around Dave. And Schultz is my favorite for going to a place and then talking shit about the place in such a brilliant way. I think Schultz is fucking brilliant. He's so good. Dude, the whole shit with Kendrick Lamar. I was getting in the shower, reading it, texting him.

I'm sitting outside the shower texting him my favorite lines. The only thing he has to do is decide if it's consensual. That was crazy. But I fucking, but I get inspired by motherfuckers like that. He's a funny dude man and the thing he did, you ever see the thing he did about Hawaii? No. Oh my god it's so funny. He's in Hawaii he goes, he starts to set up he goes, I've never seen chickens more confident. It's confident Chickens in Hawaii Like just wandered or it's just it's such a funny bit It's so if you've been to Hawaii, you know, there's chickens all over the fucking place. It's kind of crazy

Do you know who else does that Tommy? Oh, yeah Tommy shits on a place So aggressively and they love it. Yeah, like he did Dublin one year I like same way we both did it and he goes is it fun? I said I had the best time of my life. He goes up and it's the day the king gets coordinated, and he goes out, first words, he's like, fuck your king. And the place starts going, oley, oley, oley, oley.

Tommy didn't know if they were gonna stop singing. We did a show in Hawaii, and he goes, at Pearl Harbor, and they're like, all right, Tommy opens the show. He goes, they're like, first rule, don't make fun of the Wyons. Second rule, do not bring up Pearl Harbor. First and second joke. First joke, man, they say Island Life's slow. I didn't know they were talking about your metabolism.

Man, you guys are fat as fuck. I was taking a walk. I don't want to be as fat as you guys. I got lost on the base. Luckily there are a couple of Japanese guys that are pretty familiar with where how this base operates Me and Russell Peters are crying laughing the admirals losing is my god. Damn it. What did I fucking tell him? That's hilarious and they think they could tell you what not go about. I haven't offered to do Dubai

don't Thank you're gonna fuck up you're to say something stupid. That's what- And they're going to put you in jail. Thank you. Yeah, they arrest people over there. I know. You can't play games in Dubai. Did you see that one lady who went crazy at the airport?

No. Yeah, she got a little rowdy at the airport, started yelling at people, and they're like, that's a wrap. You're going to jail. Dude. They'll fuck around over there, man. I have a friend who moved there, my friend and he's a documentary filmmaker and he said like it's so safe over here He goes that's what I love about it. He goes when I was in America

It's like you go out at night. You're at a club. You're always worried. Someone's gonna pull a gun out something's gonna happen He goes there. There's nothing. Yeah, no crime, but there's our it's like Singapore. There's crazy rules, right? But don't know all the rules. It's the real good question. Would you rather have a little bit of danger and Very little rules or would you rather have no danger and a lot of rules? I want a little danger a little rule I agree. Yeah, I don't want to live in a place where they restrict what you could say and what you do It's not even that they said to me and the contract we signed signed up to do, I do a tour starting in October, permission to party. Permission to party is the name of the fucking tour.

Permission to party, and they go, what about Dubai? I go, I don't think they're gonna give me permission. I think they're gonna, the first thing was, you have to wear a shirt on stage. And I was like, I go, hey man, that's kind of my thing. Like, I'm comfortable shirtless, that's how I perform. That's so crazy. You's like I can't wear no shirt Okay, you guys have crazy rules. Those rules don't make sense. Yeah, like what about Cirque du Soleil?

They have to they wear shirts. They do they do I'm making that up like what about MMA? How come they have MMA over there? How can they have MMA? That's what I'm saying. Are they performing with no shirts on? Yeah. You gonna make guys wear fucking wetsuits? What are you gonna, what are you gonna, what are they gonna wear? Now by the way, that's the same argument I said as I got kicked out of a Buffalo Wild Wings

with my shirt off and they're like, put your shirt on and I go, the guys on MMA aren't wearing fucking shirts. Yeah, that's different. Is it a little different? That's different. They're doing it in a sport. But the point is like if you're performing, that's part of your performance. It's like. They're doing a sport. But the point is like if you're performing that's part of your performance

It's like you know, there's rules in LA like if you performed on stage, you're allowed to smoke cigarettes Yeah, it's a part of your performance So like Chappelle was always lighting up even after the rules and everybody's like hey How come he can smoke because it was like in the 90s that they passed the laws where you're not allowed to smoke in comedy Clips anymore. Do you remember that? Yeah, it was if it was part of your act you smoke that's how Ron white smoked cigars on stage, right? But it was a there was a law before that you were allowed to smoke in bars I remember doing stand-up when you could smoke at the Boston Club and buddy Do you remember do you remember the last stop in Houston? Oh, yeah that place there were so many cigarettes

You know, you come out with a cough Yeah, it was the the air was filled with smoke your jeans would smell. Oh, yeah, you always smelled I always always come home from a club back in the the 90s and I'd smell my clothes They also always smell like cigarettes, but you got used to like the smoky room It was like part of the thing about a comedy club is like when people smoke cigarettes. They're doing something really stupid Yeah, you know what I mean and're doing something really stupid. You know what I mean? And like doing something really stupid, say, fuck it. There's so much fuck it in a cigarette and there's fuck it in a drink and there's fuck it in this guy talking shit on stage. Ah, he sucked his own dick.

It like led to the atmosphere. It's like I loved it in pool halls too. I loved being around the smokers even if I didn't want to have anything to do with it. Do you remember the comics that would smoke on stage and then they'd go and do the Tonight Show and they didn't know what to do with their right hand? Oh yeah, there was that, right? Well, back in the Tonight Show, the early days, I was watching the other day, I was watching Jackie Gleason on the Tonight Show. And it was the only time I think he was ever on the Tonight Show,

which is kind of crazy. But they were just, he sat there, immediately lights a cigarette. By the way, he was dead two years later. Yeah, he died of cancer in 87? Google that. Johnny Carson had a little cigarette box. Yeah, so this is- Those are his cigarettes right there in his little cigarette box.

Immediately and he sits down. Well, Carson also died. How fucking great does that feel? Carson also died of cancer. Yeah. Look at that, just sitting there. How fucking great does that feel? Carson also died of cancer. Yeah. Look at that just sitting there how sweet it is. How sweet it is. That's what he said right there. He did uh he did uh Smokey and the Bandit and they offered him points on the movie and he said I'll take cash. Whoops. I know. Damn. I saw the sexiest thing in Palm Springs the other day.

Damn, I saw the sexiest thing in Palm Springs the other day White cat that lady playing golf no white white Cadillac 75 year old woman hair done little quaff Windows up white big Cadillac she puts a 100 cigarette windows up and lights it in her car Just windows up and I went fucking old school Wow I don't you't know you moments last time you saw someone smoke a cigarette in the car I bet that lady's never been vaccinated. She's never gonna get cancer. He's never dying She's never fucking dying she's got them old school pioneer jeans Do you ever hear the story about johnny carson almost got killed by the guy in the mob?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, what was that about? I he it was a it was like a mob joke or something No, he frank sinatra had to negotiate his safety. What was it about? Johnny Carson was at a bar drunk and the mobster's girl was there and the mobster was in the back and Johnny Carson hit on the mobster's girl and like smacked her ass or lifted her skirt up.

Oh no. And they were like, we're gonna kill him and they went out and he hid. And then he went out and they're like No, we have a hit on him. He's gonna die and Frank Sinatra had to negotiate it. Someone just told you know who told it to me Goddamnit Who oh son of a bitch Not Fletcher a comedy store comic white hair did the Tonight Show 120 times

You know him Argus Argus. I think it was Argus who told me that story. That makes sense. Yeah, Argus old school. Argus is a funny dude, man. Argus is fucking great, man. He's like very underrated. Unidentified wise guy and his goons picked Carson up off his bar stool and threw him down a flight of stairs before famed saloon owner, Jilly Rizzo, whose regulars included Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Judy Garland, interceded and prevented a more serious beatdown. But the mob big wasn't satisfied and put out a contract to have Carson whacked. Terrified Carson wisely holed up in his UN Plaza palace for three days, missing three shows, according to the book. The vengeful

mobsters only backed off after one of Carson's contacts at the William Morris agency cut a deal with crime boss Joseph Colombo. Holy shit. What? Oh, the American Civil Rights League. Oh yeah. The mob boss had recently formed the Italian American Civil Rights League to persuade America that a group, the people of Italian descent were being unfairly stereotyped as mafiosi. That's hilarious. The group was planning for a big rally and Colombo was deeply,

deeply disappointed that so far all the networks have refused to cover the rally. Sooner an accommodation was reached, NBC News covered the rally and Johnny could leave the apartment. Wow. As for Colombo, he was gunned down in 1971 at the second annual Italian Unity Day rally in Columbus Circle. He was left almost totally paralyzed and died in 1978. Holy shit. That was the last of the rallies. So he developed, I know there's a way around this. No one's paying attention to Italian Italian-American civil liberties rally. They're making us look like thugs,

like we're gonna shoot each other in a rally. Bro. God damn. Those were scary days, man. Those were scary, scary days. But that was the story about the store. Because the store used to be Ciro's Nightclub, so Bugsy Siegel owned Ciro's.

Did you know that? I knew that. I didn't know that Bugsy Seagull owned it. Yes, it was Bugsy Seagull owned Searow's nightclub. And that place was scary, apparently. That's why all those people see ghosts in that spot. Bad shit happened there. 100%. 100%. You got a mob-owned nightclub.

People are getting shot. I mean, people got shot at the Comedy Store when we were there. 100%. You got a mob owned nightclub. People are getting shot. I mean, people got shot at the Comedy Store when we were there. A guy got murdered on the fucking front patio. It was a dang hit. During like Moe Better Mondays or something. Rose was there when it happened. Rose saw the guy die.

Oh shit. That's, that's. That place has always attracted crazy people. That place has is always I think there's an energy to that place Probably because of the gang history that just made it like extra wild and dangerous Just always felt like anything can happen in that place I think there's like baked in memories like there's photos of like Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis on stage there. That place was like that was the spot. Like that was the spot in LA and the mob would all be there and they'd fucking do deals, whack people and take

people down the basement and fucking kill them. That's out of all the scariness in movies the scariest part of any movie is when those mob movies where they say to the guy, hey, Johnny wants to talk to you tonight. And the guy's like, tell Johnny I'm calling tomorrow. And he's like, no, he said to get in the car now. And the guy goes, well, I'll take my car. He goes, no, no, you're gonna get in the car with us.

And you know. That guy's gonna die. Looks at his friend, takes off his ring, gives it to him, and I don't know. I'm such a bitch that if in those moments I'd be like, no I don't wanna go. And just start running. Or like when you see in the war movies,

when you see, what was the one, 1917? When they tell those two kids they gotta run and go tell the front line what to do. Is that 1917? I don't know. My grandfather stormed the beaches of Normandy Yeah, and and he died way before I was born He he was one of those PTSD

Levittown cat guys moved to Levittown and my dad said he just would sit in the garage drink beers and listen to met games and Just wash his car My dad said he never heard his dad ever mentioned the war and if the borough was brought up his dad would walk out of the room, but he's storing the beaches in Normandy and I Don't know. I don't know if I have the thing in me to get off the boat. I think I'm a bitch I think I'd be like I'd lock down. I'd be like I'm not getting off like when you look at like guys

I don't go and get off that boat buddy I don't think you had a choice And I think when your friends are running off that boat you run off that boat too and guys are getting gunned down You just hope it's not you and you're probably just shitting your pants Shitting my pants and that that one day like how many thousands of people died? Thousands and thousands of people died just bullets and guns going off everywhere. Like that fucking movie, the- Saving Private Ryan.

Yes, Spielberg nailed that movie. That opening scene was so fucking horrific that you'd never seen a scene like that in a war movie that accurately depicts people getting torn apart right in front of you? My dad found his dad's diary from the war and he photocopied it and sent me the photocopy. My dad has the diary. And it's funny because, you know, my memory is like jaded to how I find things interesting.

So sometimes it's not 100% accurate. But if in there, there was a memory of like, they took one of find things interesting. So sometimes not 100% accurate. But if in in there, there was a memory of like, they took one of these like q boats, I think, or k boats across the fucking Atlantic over to England, barely got had time to get off the boat, stay in England for a second, I think they I want to say they stayed on the boat the whole time, and then took that same boat over to they probably took different boats, but took a boat over to Normandy. My dad's, my grandfather's entry is something to the effect of, we're going to this, we're storming this beach today. Like they didn't, I don't think he knew the like what the levity or the seriousness of what was happening. I think they were like,

like he just very casually mentioned it. And the only other thing I remember out of reading that diary was that he would He would get water in his helmet to so cold He'd get water in his helmet to shave and by the time he went to shave he had to break that it would freeze Over with ice and he had to break it with his razor But to think that the I mean just the amount of trauma that those guys went through and no one really cared about it They were like just have a have a fucking shot of scotch. And that was the second time the world had gone to war. The world had gone to war just a couple of decades earlier. Dude can I tell you

what fucking makes me like makes me stop for a second? When we were in Serbia they have statues of Gavriil Pritsip everywhere. He's the guy that shot Franz Ferdinand the Archduke. They have statuesitsip everywhere. He's the guy that shot Franz Ferdinand, the Archduke. They have statues of him everywhere. He's a fucking national hero in Serbia because he technically created Yugoslavia. I mean, people have, they wear shirts of Gavriil Pritsip. They have wallets of this guy, movie producer.

He started World War I. He changed the world forever. That one man is responsible for millions of deaths and And so much suffering that one man and they have statues of this dude statues everywhere, too Like some guy I got obsessed with it cuz I was like I can't believe you guys like we call it We consider that a terrorist in our country. Oh my god, and this one guy gave me a that's so crazy They gave me a look at that writing How cool is their writing go back to that look at the fucking writing at the bottom look how cool that is Gabrielo Pritzip. Can you read that? Yeah, it's really I think it's it's Russian. It's acrylic or whatever it is Cyrillic

You can read that. Yeah for real you can read Russian. Yeah, I never told you what the time I went to Russia You did but I didn't know you could I didn't know you Learned how to read it. I thought it was really hard. I just I just met this DJ very big DJ DJ Zed He's if I played you any of his songs you've heard every one of them, right? Okay, and we met him at I was with Santino We were the tennis tournament and I said wait, where's your accent from and he goes, I'm Russian I said good day and he goes to go but he's by you scale as he comes like clean Yes, and we started talking to Russian back and forth How long did it take you to learn that as long as I was there? I got pretty good towards the end. How long were we there for like month and a half three months? That's it

Yeah, that's incredible. Do you have a hidden skill? No hidden ability to like learn languages. No, I know I can speak Spanish I just told you the same the same Uber drivers picked me up six times in the salient doesn't speak English How'd you learn how to speak Spanish? I just grown up in Florida really yeah, you might have like a secret language ability No, anyone that just heard me talk in Russian just knows that I barely can say I don't even sound good Yeah, but you could say I took Italian in college. I can't fucking speak Italian. I took Spanish in high school I can't speak Spanish. No. Yeah, I can understand Russian a lot better than I can speak it Yeah, you might have like a hidden ability to learn languages and I can understand Spanish a lot better than I can speak it

But like we're I was just in Spain. I was just in Spain a week ago and apparently my Spanish it sounds like me need ice Ice at least you could say something. You can communicate. Something's popping off in Serbia right now. Like one of the largest protests ever is happening in Serbia right now. For real? For 300 plus thousand people in the streets. It's a complicated country, and I love Serbia.

I love Serbia. I don't know what's going on. I have no idea what this protest is about. I just saw it in the newsfeed, popped up-sized protests over 15 people dying in a rainway Excuse me railway station collapse So what are they? What are they hundreds of thousands people descended on Serbia's capital to protest over the deaths? Well, I'm not sure huh, so

Was it like some corruption or something like someone shitty construction like what happened we quote we just want a country that works law students says wow it's hundreds of thousands of people in the streets because a rail station crap collapsed that's what it says on BBC I'm looking to see if it make interest more insight they don't take any shit over there dude figure it out, bitch. We'll get in the street. It's fascinating.

I mean, listen, I understand if you're Serbian and you're listening, you may disagree with what I'm about to say. I'm just going to say it. They fucking hate Albanians. Oh no. They make Albanian jokes like crazy, right? So one day we're on the set and I said one of the guys, I go, hey man, like, I'm not like a woke dude. That's just funny joke

But like what if there's an Albanian here that like heard that wouldn't hurt their feelings and he goes Oh, he'd know to be smart enough to keep his fucking mouth shut Alright never mind the only Albanian they like is Dua Lipa They don't know I'm generalizing and I know there's Serbians that are like, we don't hate them all, but they all know how to play basketball. They're all tough as fucking shit. Every dude's a fucking man. You don't meet one dude that you don't think is a cage fighter. Bro, these war torn countries are not playing games.

Bro? They breed different humans. And that's when those guys come over to the UFC. They're different humans. That's when those guys come over to the UFC. They're different humans. They had a, and now mind you, I gotta guess the Serbians that I was hanging out with, and one of them was my driver. But like they had a chant for their president, for the, like when they're president, they would chant out the other guy and it was like, uh, he's a venechi, he's a faggot. He's Vinicci. Jesus Christ. It's like such a fucking, I just, I don't know man, there's something, there's something really interesting about that freedom that they had there that they just talked openly.

And like, they'd take a cigarette break and like the girls would sit down and cuddle up next to a dude that they weren't dating, they'd just touchy like that. Like they don't have like, there's no like intimacy counselor on set They were just I remember watching one of the girls Sitting have a cigarette with one of the dudes and they were like just cuddling against the wall And I was like are they dating and they're like now they're just friends Look at that shit That's Serbian basketball, baby, bro, that's war that's war

I'm a big fan of the The girls play basketball there. No one jogs. I was the only one jogging every morning. Every morning I jogged by myself. Fucking farmers carrying weights around. Those men are beasts. I'd go to the mall, it was like the nicest place to go. That was the most terrifying basketball game I've ever seen in my life. Imagine showing an American basketball crowd what they do in Serbia. You'd be like, oh no, they're coming. Wouldn't it be great to watch a Serbian team play like one of those inner city teams? Look at this. Give me some volume. Look at that.

Look at that. Holy shit! That kind of does like fight night intensity. That's that's that's Texas fucking high school football. Right, right, right. We used to play we used to play a black team growing up, Booker T. Washington. They would come in, we'd play basketball, and the visiting stands would be packed. I can't remember the exact name of the team, but they'd be packed.

And their thing was, boom, we thump. Boom, boom, we thump. And the whole fucking crowd, and we were like just a bunch of white kids. We had no chance. We had no chance. I've got spirit, yes I do. I've got spirit, how about you? And they'd be like, suck our dicks. We had no chance. We had no chance. I've got spirit. Yes, I do. I've got spirit.

How about you? And they'd be like, suck out dicks. With that energy, that high school black inner city energy with some HBCU cheerleaders. You ever seen the HBCU cheerleaders? Yes, I have. They're my fucking favorite. Versus a Serbian, just fucking no deodorant. Just, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

God, man, I miss Serbia When those folks start entering into other sports when people from like hard environments Started entering sport like this the scariest guy in the UFC or one of the scariest is from Chechnya Chechnya, yeah, that's that's war-torn dude Dude, this guy is a fucking, Hamzat Chamayev, he is a fucking animal. Have you ever seen that guy fight? Hamzat, no.

Hamzat Chamayev. Pull up Hamzat Chamayev versus Kevin Holland. So Hamzat Chamayev is the number one contender in the UFC's middleweight division. He's a fucking monster. And he's so aggressive, like relentlessly aggressive. He's a fucking monster and he's so aggressive like relentlessly aggressive. He's known to get in fights like backstage and just an animal and like in post-fighting he's like I fucking killed them all. I killed them all.

Wait did I just watch him drop weight today? Oh you might have. He used to fight. They shaved his head to drop weight? No I don't think so. Maybe. I don't think so. But he just runs. Go right from the beginning, because this is the beginning of the fight. Watch how he storms Adam. It's back to my time. I see people.

I see people. I see. Time is up. It's the people that keep on taking since 1854. The amount of fucking grappling power you have to have to ragdoll Kevin Holland like this is insane. Kevin Holland is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu black belt under Travis Luthor. I mean he's a legit grappler.

That's why he's surviving and he scrambles is because he's a legit black belt. What's he saying to him? They're talking shit. Kevin likes to talk shit. Where's a lip reader when you need one? I think Kevin's probably like, come on man, I thought we were going to stand up. Why don't we fight? Why don't we fight in the feet? He's probably trying to goad him

into doing something stupid. Yeah. Kevin talks shit while you're hitting him. I mean this is crazy grappling ability. The way he rotates with him and here it is here's the Darce so he sinks up the choke and slides through watch his right hand his right hand is gonna reach forward and grab a hold of his Bicep watch how this is when he sent to see see it slides down Yeah, when you when the right hand right now it's still open when the right now clamps now. It's on the bicep Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the choke the chokes fully locked in now and Kevin's fuck He's totally fucked and he's gonna have to tap and he eventually taps

but I mean to tap a guy like Kevin Holland and not just tap him but just Have he has no chance at any moment in the fight. It's just total grappling dominance. Look at that He's a monster just a fucking monster and like the most aggressive guy in the fucking sport Like right away charges and this is it this is the end once he taps on my god he gets once he gets that leg over the top of the body so he isolates the body and constricts deeper into the choke he's done dude I got I got choked out by my daughter Isla oh no yeah we're on vacation we try not to get choked out no she's a girl so I thought she's talking shit Eddie Bravo

Eddie Bravo's got her private jujitsu lessons. So she's been taking jujitsu in her fucking gym. And she's dyslexic, so she can never tell you the right move she's about to do. And we're on vacation, and she goes, it'll be easy, you can slow down there, big guy, I'll choke you out. And I was like, oh, you're gonna choke me out?

She goes, it's easier to choke out big guys. And I went, really? She goes, I find it easier. And I was like, okay. I was like, try to choke me out. Joe, this little needle arm went around my neck and I swear to God, what is she, like 15 at a time? I just went, oh, I tapped.

She was like, yeah, that's what I thought. I was like, my daughter. That's what I thought she said. I was like, shit. Dude. Dis I thought she said. I thought shit dude disrespect She did She met Eddie Bravo She met out Eddie Bravo at our house one night and you know Eddie me Sam Tripoli Eddie and I are lit right and we're in the kitchen. We just done like a podcast and Isla comes in

She's like, who's this guy? And I go this is Eddie Bravo. She was okay And she I was like, he teaches Jiu-Jitsu. She goes, I wanna learn Jiu-Jitsu. And Eddie goes, really? And she goes, yeah, a little bit of that. Hi-ya! And Eddie goes, that's not Jiu-Jitsu. She goes, whatever it is, I wanna learn it.

So he goes, all right, I'll set you up. And he got her this lady that came over to the house like three times a week. Oh wow, that's amazing. Got Matt in the back and Isla loved it. Isla loved it. Except she'd turn the Nest Cam around so we couldn't watch her Jiu-Jitsu lessons. Oh, that's amazing. Got Matt in the back and Ayla loved it. I loved it. Except she turned the nest cam around so we couldn't watch her jujitsu lessons. Oh that's funny.

She was like, I don't want you to watch what I do. I just want to learn it. That's cool. Yeah, it was really cool. It's a very good thing for women to learn because jujitsu allows you to defend yourself in a way that very few martial arts really do. Because you don't have to rely on the size of your hands hitting people and kicking people. It's too hard. It's too hard to knock out a man. Like if you have small hands, if you're a woman,

it's just like you can't generate enough force for the most part, unless you're like a unusually strong woman. Some women, like you know, there's a few, you know like Holly Holm, like you don't want Holly Holm punching you in the face. Amanda Nunes will knock you out cold, 100%, even if you're a dude.

But most women, they just don't have the power in their hands, but everyone has the power to carry your body around, right? So your legs are really strong. If a woman gets her fucking legs locked around your neck and gets a triangle on you, you're fucked. If she knows how to do jujitsu, like your legs are carrying, if you weigh 130 pounds, your legs are carrying if you weigh 130 pounds your woman your legs are carrying

130 pounds all day long and they don't get tired and they're strong Yeah, so all you do is like whoop Lock that bitch in behind the knee crack and pull on the head and you're gonna sleep She's gonna put me to sleep. I bet you could have I've been fucking humiliating She could have put me to sleep. I bet she could have. I've been fucking humiliating. There was a show that they used to have on Showtime with this dude who was a porn star

and he had a show on Showtime. And he had like a reality show. And in one of the episodes, he was gonna do Jiu Jitsu with a woman. And so my friend Felicia, Felicia Oh, who's a black belt under Jean-Jacques Machado, she's a legit beast and you know, she weighs 130 pounds maybe maybe 135 maybe and

She took the fuck out of this dude like multiple times. I don't think she was a black belt at the time She was probably a brown belt. Maybe she was a black belt already. She was a black belt before me But I used to train with her all the time. She's really, really good. And a dude who didn't know what he's doing, he's going night night. It's amazing how many dudes don't know what they're doing. Most people don't. Most people. It's too hard to learn. And you got to get humiliated when you do learn. You know, you

get fucking humiliated. It's a brutal wake-up call when you get strangled. And how easy it is for people to do it to you. You're so vulnerable when you're unconscious. Well, you're just so vulnerable when you do Jiu-Jitsu against someone who's good at it. I remember the first time I realized I was a white belt, and I rolled with this kid who was a purple belt, and he was my size, and he just mauled me.

And I remember thinking, this is crazy. I can't believe I'm totally helpless Like I thought I had this delusional idea like I'm not a fight. I'll fucking figure this out. This ain't that big a deal It's not that much different from taekwondo or kickboxing like Delusional I got strangled over and over again by everybody but there's one guy in particular He just was murdering me and I remember thinking I gotta learn this Like this is like really important to know like I didn't know how was that vulnerable. Have you gotten choked unconscious? No, never unconscious. I always tap. Oh, it's terrifying. It's terrifying tap. It's terrifying because you you get that moment where you're like

I definitely sparked out a couple of times where I could see I could see the like the door was closing You have to tap you have a second left before you go out, before you tap. And when someone's got a really good rear naked choke, once it's locked in and they start to clamp down, the pad, you gotta fuckin' tap. You gotta tap. Especially in training, it's stupid to not tap because you could really get hurt.

Especially if you get caught in an arm bar, or worse, is like a heel hook or a knee bar. Like you got to tap immediately. You can't take a chance with ripping your joint apart. It's not worth it. Fuck that. And I had a lot of injuries from not tapping in time. I had a bad camora injury on my elbow.

My friend Brent caught me in a camora and I couldn't believe that he got it. I was like, because I usually get him. I was like, I am going to get him. And then he got me. I'm like, Oh my God, he got me. This motherfucker got me and I didn't believe that he got it. I was like because I usually get him I was like I am gonna get him and then he got me I'm like oh my god He got me this motherfucker got me and I didn't want to tap and I was trying to work my way out of it and work My other and eventually I had a tap and I was like oh I fucked my elbow up And I couldn't do chin-ups for like three months really it was brutal. It was horrible every time I do a chin-up about agony in my left elbow. Do you still roll? No I want to again, but just like but I've had a few aggravating injuries.

I had some sciatica a while back, like real stiffness in the back. But you know what's really changed that a lot? It's stretching. I've spent like an hour and a half every night just stretching. Really? Yeah, it's loosened everything up.

And I realized sometimes I go too hard and I don't give myself enough recovery. You know, I just I push a little too far and then I ignore like I had this back thing that was bothering me from archery and I just ignored it and I it was just a muscle thing. So I wasn't worried about it. Wait, where is it like right in the center of your back? No, no, my right on the side. It's on the side by the hips. So I know.

Oh, lower, lower. Right, so I know it's not worrying me like a spine thing. Spine things worry me. But this was inflamed and I just kept shooting the bow. I just was like, shut up pussy. And I just, I pushed it to the point where it got kind of chronic. And it bothered me for a while.

It's much, much better now. But I'm being real careful to get it to the point where it got kind of chronic. And it bothered me for a while. It's much, much better now. But I'm being real careful to get it to 100% before I think about doing anything. Right now, I can kick the bag again. I can do pretty much everything again. But it's one of those things where I'm still getting better. When you say stretching, because after we did the, I did so much working out, I had ause come in and like kind of test my flexibility side some problems in my forearm and

My arm my shoulder can't go like I can't get it by past this and like this one goes wave. Do you have an injury? I don't know. I have no fucking idea. I think I think it's no recovery and no stretching I know no stretching benching is rough on the elbows or the shoulders rather. Benching can get rough, especially if you bench heavy. Especially when you watch it. Have you ever seen the dudes snap a fucking? Oh yeah, I have seen that. That's all I was thinking about. It pops off and then you're fucked. You know Cody Rhodes? No. Cody Rhodes is the WWE champion. He's a Dusty Rhodes son. Oh, okay. Yeah. I fucking tell him I'm doing the bench press competition and he goes Oh, hi, I tore my pack at 315 and I was like, that's the fucking bet and he was like, oh

You don't even see it coming. Look at his pack. Oh, Jesus Christ. He goes it felt like velcro You just heard and he wrestled even though his pack was torn. He wrestled Pack what a fucking is a beast wrestled with a torn peck. What a fucking animal. He's a beast. Jesus Christ that's crazy. Yeah he did a we did Go Big Show together. His dad was the best. Alan Selle with a torn peck. These guys are animals. Well you know it's when you're young. Well it's also like wrestling it's like the culture the pro wrestling culture the culture is like you're gonna get battered like we're battering each other. It's just more though in the past those guys really Got fucked up. Oh, dude, you know, I've had a bunch of those guys in here

They tell me the stories, you know, Hulk Hogan and fucking Jake the snake like all these guys are animals Undertaker and they all drank six packs after the show everyone was snorting coke They were going from town to town beating the fuck out of each other. How much better do you think anabolic steroids are than testosterone? As far as like putting weight on and mass, way better. Is it so much more noticeable? Oh yeah, it's completely changing.

Have you ever done an anabolic steroid? Nothing serious, I've never done anything serious. I tried Anivar once and I've done like some minor stuff. There was some stuff that I got that you used to be able to buy at the store. You used to be able to buy it from GNC, like a vitamin store. And they eventually pulled it off the market. I forget what it was called. I forget what it's called, but it was pills and holy shit did this work. It was like legit steroids that you could buy at GNC. When I was in college you could buy GHB at GNC.

That's crazy. Yeah, because you would take a little capful before you went to sleep and it would burn fat while you slept. Well apparently I was reading about this conspiracy about GHB and about how safe GHB is in small doses and how good it is for you with sleep and recovery. But the problem is people would dump it in people's drinks and then it was like a date rape drug because if you have a lot of it, you're out of it. You don't know what the fuck is going on.

And so then it became the date rape drug and then it just got pulled from the market or at least very difficult to get. But yeah, I remember during those days when it was out, like bodybuilders would always talk about it. They were all taking GHB before they go to sleep. And it like has some, like Google what the conspiracy is about GHB, but it has some profound effects on recovery, like puts you in deep sleep. And apparently at the right doses, it's very safe. Really?

Yeah, this doctor is explaining what had led to it being demonized and what the actual benefits of GHB are. Yeah, I remember taking it in college. You took it? Well, to party. First time I ever took it was on a rock in Greece, in the middle of the ocean. A rock in the middle of the ocean a rock in the middle of the ocean

You're the problem. Yeah people like you buddy. It's funny shit Guys like guys like it's like I might want a little liquor next thing and I was like sure Liquid ecstasy, that's what he called it. I found out later was GHB But we he had like a little dropper capful. We all took a sip And all sudden you start blowing up a little bit used to do that and there were like these other, these store pills that you'd get. You took enough of those, you'd fucking feel it. Do you remember when they used to sell salvia? They used to sell salvia in like a head shop or they would sell bongs. Salvia was like a super potent psychedelic.

Oh, I still have nightmares of Ari's salvia trip. Oh my God, we played it on the podcast for him and he explained it to us, that he had a whole life under the sea. He had a whole relationship under the, I think he went to another dimension. That's what I think. He said he was there for months.

Had a whole life. GHB's mechanism of action has not been elucidated. It crosses the blood-brain barrier where it interferes with dopamine levels in a complex dose-dependent way. GHB's relief of the symptoms of narcolepsy is believed to be mediated via these dopaminergic effects. GHB facilitates deep, slow-wave sleep during which growth hormone release naturally increases. This may explain why higher levels of growth hormone have been detected after GHB administration. Yeah, that's why the bodybuilders would take it.

There's a lot, well this is Derek from More Plates More Dates was on the podcast and he was explaining how making steroids illegal when they did that, they've stopped all the research and development that could have made those things very safe. So because they stopped doing any studies on them and they made them a banned substance, then everyone's just reliant upon the ones that are already in existence and no new ones have been developed. So all the steroids that people are taking are all steroids that have been developed a long, long time ago.

And he said it stifled the innovation and the ability to make better, safer ones. The problem is the idea of cheating in athletics, right? And it is a real problem. Someone is taking steroids, they have an advantage over people who don't take steroids, but If they could figure out a way to make them safe We didn't completely fuck up your endocrine system There should be an argument where if it makes you perform better But doesn't have a detrimental effect on you than athletes should take it

Yes But people don't like that idea because they don't want someone to have some massive advantage in any sort of a sport that idea because they don't want someone to have some massive advantage in any sort of a sport. It also goes into like society, the demonizing of anyone on a semi-glutide. Yeah. I mean, people get shit on. Like I joke that Tom's on Ozempic all the time. I think he is, but whatever.

Do you think he is? Oh, fuck yeah. Really? When have we ever known Tom to put in the hard work to lose the weight? But he's been really disciplined. Oh, where is he going? Joking fucking around a little bit, but not really not really you would do it not tell you She got sick on it she's over to Brian Simpson Brian Simpson got real sick So did Bobby Lee you see Bobby Lee threw up on a video? It's fucking hysterical

Yeah, folks just carnivore diet just carnivore diet eat meat and eggs and you'll lose weight I guarantee you you will feel great too But it is crazy how people he was this is when he was on his M pick and they were trying to shoot a promo And he kept going Santino. I don't feel good and he's like shut up Bobby. Let's just get it. So does he actually puke? Boy Shut up, Bobby, let's just get it. So does he actually puke? Oh boy! Oh, jeez. Oh my God, now I'm gagging. All right, Burr Crush, let's wrap this bitch up.

Joe. I love you to death, you the best. I love you to death, man. Hey. Looking forward to hanging out with you while you're here. Permission to Party World Tour starts October 18th. I'm in Vegas this weekend. More importantly, my special Lucky.

Available right now. Streaming right now on the Netflix. I hope you guys like it. Sure. It's sure. Very Pablo Escobar of you. Shirt and matching pants. Nice. Yeah. I really, I really stepped it up a bit. I like it. I like the look. All right, brother. Love you to death. Thank you. Bye. Bye, buddy. Thanks for watching!