The Joe Rogan Experience - #235 - Josh Barnett (Part 2)

Episode Date: July 4, 2012

Joe sits down with Josh Barnett.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an unprecedented occurrence here. Josh Barnett was on his way, and not only did he run into ridiculous traffic, but Josh is so gangster, he drives a 1969 automobile around, and unfortunately, got a flat tire. You drove that bitch all the way up. Is it working? Yeah. You drove that bitch all the way up from Orange County? You do that on a regular basis? Yeah, I bought the thing to be a daily driver, you know,

and I got kind of tired of how i mean i don't drive anything passionless but i just want to drive an old car i just i like the simplicity of it i like the noise i like the feel of it yeah so and plus it's not it's not anything super special like it doesn't have a bunch of fancy modded out brakes and all you know it's all pretty much old school technology i know exactly what i'm dealing with and uh stuff breaks i can fix it not a problem you don't it doesn't bother you that it takes a long time for those things to slow down when you're trying to hit the brakes uh you gotta account for that this is true um i don't know i'm used to driving old cars all my life yeah and uh i've driven a lot worse than this. I do have a rear disc conversion kit.

It'll be four wheel disc brakes. It's still going to take way longer to stop than, say, my Challenger. But I'm okay with that. Once you drive a modern version of a muscle car, you're like, why can't you just do this with a better interior? Why can't you do this with an old school interior? Make it like that. I like a car that can start.

When you want to start it, it starts for for sure my cutlass turns right over really every single time just i mean you're gonna go boom just goes just super super clean so it's runs great it's 100% reliable it's a it is 100% reliable and i'm putting a uh overdrive tranny in it. I'm doing things here, things there. And it'll be, I just want basically a high 14-second quarter-mile car that you can drive everywhere and never, yeah. See, I can't leave enough alone. It's got a peg leg in it right now, so I've got to put a posi unit in it. That just has to happen. You are, you're like the quintessential boy-turned-man,

metal music, cage- music cage fighting muscle cars i mean it's like it's all of the quintessential manly type shit if somebody ever asked me like so so what are you really good at doing manly shit and making manly faces while i do manly shit like i can scowl i can look inquitive, and I can stare out from the distance, and I can hold a cigar in my mouth, and I can put grease in the right places. I don't cover all the stuff. A whole manly repertoire. Yeah.

Which is good, because it offsets, you know, all the times that I'm wearing panties. It offsets the society, too. It does. Society has a distinct lack of manliness going on. It does. The boobs are not just on the women anymore yeah it's not and you know there's a lot of that there's a lot of uh a lot of you

know men are giving in to what women like because if you don't you get labeled you know if you if you like all the shit that you like you get labeled you're like you're a chauvinist you're a pig there's something wrong with you you're a meathead you're a metalhead you know what are you get labeled as being someone you know undesirable or slightly immature i know i love the fact that uh so i blame skinny jeans for all that but uh yeah male spanks skinny jeans are ridiculous if you can't sprawl in your pants then you shouldn't be wearing them if you couldn't throw at least a body kick in your pants, you shouldn't be wearing them. You shouldn't be wearing something that you have to struggle to get out of or in. That shit's ridiculous.

See, maybe those Chuck Norris karate pants, the karate denims with the gusset crotch will come back in. Dude, they should. Yeah, totally. You can roundhouse anybody in the face, no problem. We need to get a true religion version of the Chuck Norris genes. They need to combine forces. The ultimate club pants. You can throw high kicks with.

The ultimate ninja douche bagger. Could you imagine the commercials with guys throwing roundhouse kicks? With their pointy slip-on shoes. And their heavily monogrammed glittery shirts. Bro! Throwing karate roundhouse kicks. But as far as labels, I've been labeled all my life. I was a nerd and a dork and I was an outcast kid.

I liked weird shit like foreign films and gore movies and anime and comic books and would go to the racetrack with my family and classic cars and just all kinds of weird just fucked up shit where you know i could i'm captain of the football team but nobody else knows what the fuck i what tip i'm on they're just going dude you're a weirdo but is this were you always attracted to being into shit that was like away from the crowd or is that just the stuff that you liked both both I mean I grew up in that weird era where cable came about and so they would fill the airways full of whatever cheap shit

they could get and that ended up being a lot of weird shit a lot of weird shit from from Japan from everywhere and then I had a fixation with horror movies as a kid and that we went other places. All of a sudden it's like, well, Friday the 13th is cool, but I didn't really get to see that head get crushed. So where could I pick that up at? What movies got that in it? So Faces of Death, did you get into all that?

Actually, I was more into the Italian Fulci zombie movies and stuff where they're horrible and the dubbing is the worst ever but, you know, people are, like, vomiting out their insides. Just,

you know, vaginas start talking and eating things. Whatever. If that's a movie, you should probably see it. Wasn't there, there was a whole

series in, like, I guess it was, like, the 60s and the 70s of just what they would call gore movies where movies were

unbelievably gory. Like, I remember i picked up a magazine uh about it once it just you know it's one of those just looking through random magazines like what the fuck is this like fangoria and it was all about one different type of gore film that this one dude used to make the ursula gordon lewis stuff like the 10 000 maniacs and yeah i think that's it and uh the wizard of gore yeah yeah and so he came out they were making like these i think they were x-rated The Herschel Gordon Lewis stuff, like the 10,000 Maniacs. Yeah, I think that's it. And The Wizard of Gore. Yeah. And so he came out. They were making like these, I think they were X-rated at the time.

They weren't hardcore, but like these exploitation films at one point. And then it was like that wasn't enough, so they created this movie. They showed people getting their tongues cut off. I mean, they're really cheesy. Yeah. It's so bad. Still disturbing. But back then, it really fucked people's minds up. Yeah. cut cut tongues cut off and i mean they're really cheesy yeah it's so bad but still disturbing but back then it really fucked people's minds up yeah and uh and that was you know that was just it just

that was their new thing all of a sudden the audience was flipped out about it and they had to get more of it yeah i remember seeing that and as a little kid going who the fuck wants to watch this like this is just disturbing like i understand a good zombie movie a good vampire movie you know something fun but who the fuck wants to watch people just get chopped up like this a lot of people you know with the uh with you've got the whole um what was that uh eli roth thing uh the torture film that they had oh yeah which i can't. They've done two of them, I think, where the travelers end up in Romania and then they get lured into some place by a hot bitch.

Hostile. Hostile. Yeah. Yeah, I only saw the first one of them. They got me once. Right, and then, of course, even the rich people paid and tortured. But honestly, really, it's all the women's fault.

The chicks lured them in, those evil bitches. Of course. Vagina. Ruins lives. It can. Ruins lives. It certainly can. You know what? You go after a piece of strange really it's all the women's fault the chicks lured him in of course vagina ruins lives it certainly can you know what you go after a piece of strange and you get a fucking you know splinters shoved into your eye that's what happens it can't happen yeah and there's no protection for that like they don't make a condom for that one now you you fought all over the world right i mean have you ever fought in russia i have never fought in russia um you ever hear heath herring's description of going to the hospital in Russia?

He said it looked like Dawn of the Dead. Yeah, he said there was like bodies laying out there and they're just stitching people up in front of you. And you're like, what the fuck is going on, man? Bodies like laying on wheels the whole way. Like vodka probably for antiseptic. Yeah. And that was during the Dark Age when the Soviet the soviet union collapsed so i think times were really fucking hard there for a long time i'm sure there's still some of that to be found over

over in russia because it's such a difference in in class at this point yeah there's like this the uber rich and then there's like not not really a middle class to my understanding well that's why a movie like hostile works because you know you look at like these pretty girls and you're like if they were really cold-hearted killers from Russia they could sneak you in pull your butt cheeks apart until you died I wonder if there really are that people that are willing to pay people to go well think of us this way I mean think about think about all the perverted shit that we think about right and that we go and then we go look up and watch on the internet while we're masturbating so not me oh speak for yourself all right well yeah some of us are some of us are easily amused uh but the thing being is that you can think of all kinds of fucked up weird fetish right and there is at least a handful of people out there they're

gonna do it yeah anything you can imagine someone's doing i just couldn't imagine someone being able to organize a place where you could actually go to torture people. I feel like somebody is going to tell, this is going to fall apart. I don't put anything past humanity to do the most fucked up thing and the most beautiful thing as easily as one or the other. Have you ever seen the Bohemian Grove footage? Do you know anything about Bohemian Grove? No. Is that a bunch of hippies? No, or the other. Have you ever seen the Bohemian Grove footage? Do you know anything about Bohemian Grove? No. Is that a bunch of hippies?

No, just the opposite. A bunch of banker-type dudes and dignitaries from foreign countries and skull-and-bones-type dudes. They get together, and who knows what the fuck is really going on, but they have this giant Moloch, the owl god, and they all dress up in robes.

It's ridiculous. I mean, it's been proven that this secret society... This sounds like LARPing. LARPing? What's LARPing? Black-backed role-playing. Oh, I know. It is like that. They're all running around. These guys that are in

Skull and Bones, there's a lot of weird, silly, ritualistic shit that they they're they're doing and apparently there literally are people to this day i don't know i mean the alex jones broke into it and like it was over a decade ago and filmed it these fucking people they're burning an effigy they have like sticks wrapped up they're burning it for the sacrifice of the owl god i mean this is like he's like millionaires. Ridiculous. They couldn't have chose something better than that?

Molec's a bad motherfucker, dude. Apparently. I don't know. I've never been fucked up by an owl. I know that. Owls are bad motherfuckers, dude. I mean, they are tough. They have big talons and everything, but why not a grizzly bear? That would definitely be scarier than an owl. That would totally be scary. It makes it even a gnarlier noise. Owls don't sound scary.

And it'd take a long time for an owl to kill you, and you probably would win. Yeah. If you had to go toe-to-toe with an owl. I put my money on myself. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. All you need to do is grab a hold of his neck. What kind of defense does an owl have?

It could pull flesh out, whatever. We're talking about life and death. You could kill it. I'm going to kill it. But even a small brown bear or black bear. Oh, he'd oh you you up man black bears are scared of you so you don't have to worry about them as much but uh you know if you wanted to a cat man a 30 pound cat scary i do have a desire i don't think i'll

ever make it happen to have like a cougar sized cat just like my my pet and i don't mean like pet like i want to walk it around on a leash no i just want someone to break into my house while i'm gone so you know the variation being oh you got your dogs there the robber breaks in or whatever the dog they run away well the cat the robber breaks in just keeps stealing shit right and he's like unhooking your tv and all of this and all of a sudden just wow and and he hears that roar from a puma, and it's on his neck just murdering him. So you come home, and you're like,

oh, I see you had someone to play with while I was gone. They say that if you see a mountain lion first, that it's very likely that he's not going to attack you if you see him first. I can believe that. But if he sees you first, he might not be able to resist it. You know, if he knows that you don't know what the fuck has happened that rush of just creeping up on you and just jacking you bushwhacking oh must be so funny that's what they love so what they should do is they

should get mountain lions to be the ones to spread the gospel of Jesus around because then nobody would know that they were around they could sneak up on you and like hey you have a minute to talk about our Lord and Savior? You're like, fuck, where'd you come from? They would do it a little differently, though. They would introduce you to them immediately. At least if you get killed by a cat, though, they kill you. You know, bears just start eating.

They just hold you down and start eating you. That's a lot more of a pain in the ass. You hear about that guy in Africa, a student? He got eaten by a bear? Fucked up by chimpanzees. Oh. They dragged him a mile. Dragged him a mile.

Beat the fucking shit out of him. Dragged him under a fence and then dragged him like a mile. Can we blame Kubrick for that? Well, these chimps were all problem chimps. They were all chimps that had been in zoos and in captivity. They were trying to reintroduce us for a while. I love that song by ACDC. Problem chimps? Is that a song? It should be. Somebody should have a problem chimp song. But they're not even wild chimps. These are chimps that

they're trying to reintroduce the wild, I'm pretty sure. Like zoo chimps, circus chimps. So they're like chimps that have needed therapy and then these chimps have issues. Well, a lot of those chimps, have needed therapy and then these chimps sure they found a guy to get the fuck out of them well a lot of those chimps first of all i think they get mental illness if you're naturally uh you're supposed to be in a wild situation where all your instincts are tuned into protecting yourself looking around making sure that nothing's sneaking up on you and yet you live in front of a giant glass wall where every day these weird pink monkeys are staring at you your senses are going off

and you don't know what the fuck to do. It just becomes normal and you get used to it, but every day you probably go crazy. They're probably crazy. It's a completely unnatural environment. Because they don't have the higher brain capacity to logically work out

what's going on, where they're at, how this whole deal works. And how many of them are abused? I think a lot. I think a lot of them get abused. You know, the scenario that took place in that Planet of the Apes movie, the most recent one, where one guy was an asshole spraying the chimps with a hose. I'm sure that happens.

I'm sure they get abused. And I'm sure they're assholes, too. I'm sure they do cunty things. And you want to fucking spray the chimp with a hose. I wouldn't doubt that for a second. Have you seen them raping frogs? Woo! Yeah, it's hilarious.

But fuck a frog. But who puts a... Well, they do, technically. But who throws the frog in there at some point? Like, watch this monkey rape this frog. I wonder if it was just a natural occurrence. The frog just fucked up and wound up there. But a lot of them, they have like a thing where you can't climb out.

Yeah, so I think there's, you know, some like 19-year-old zookeeper dipshit. He's like, people and animals. What a strange combination. It's going to be real weird

if we find out there's something much smarter than us because we're going to have to figure out how to convince it to not put us in a zoo. Think about the way

we treat all this shit that's just barely, a little less smart than us. I don't think that they would have to be convinced. I think we'd do it to ourselves anyways. Probably. Reality television. Yeah.

The idea of sticking us behind a cage and letting us act like the biggest assholes we could possibly think of, generally in New Jersey, then there you go. It's a ratings wonder. Yeah, housewives. that shows like a human zoo in a lot of ways or that's the that's part of the appeal is that you don't know anybody like that you're not hanging out you're not introducing anybody like those idiots in

your life but yeah you can watch them you know like the men posturing with each other I'm gonna call him Josephine he's a fucking girl that one you're like whoa do you hear yourself this is an action you're a grown man Josephine that's a pretty common work we're calling another well common in Jersey is it a mother's name Josephine yeah that's Italian woman's name it's very common but the guy was Joe so he's calm Josephine I mean he's gonna fuck him he's a little girl I'm calling with girls new and he like what kind of an asshole would you, would you ever let out that guy in your house?

Would you ever hang out with him? If anybody like that was talking in your house, you would immediately start mocking them. And you would go, you gotta get the fuck out of here. Probably marry him. That's your type? Oh, I love it. Oh, oiled up, spiky hair, and lots of big earrings. Steroids.

Oh, totally. Juiced up. The big hoop earrings, those are very important. up spiky hair and lots of big earrings steroids oh totally two-stop the big hoop earrings and those are very important hmm there's something about the daring dual hoop DJ on the side how did the stretch thing start happening there's two I don't know I don't know when the plug thing started happening I know like there were the piercing kids were into that and it was like a certain kind of a certain kind of scene wanted to do that right and then like hipsters started doing it like indie kids yeah and little art kids and then it started to grow grow grow and then well and you know at some point okay let's say you don't want a fucking earring anymore you

don't have to wear an earring but you just fucking mangled your ear yeah into some weird grown-out disc like once you get over that i don't know uh i suppose they like loop it over the rest of your ear they cut it back they cut it back i've heard someone say that he can they can do whatever i'm like well who wants to go through all of that that's a pain in the ass and then what if you get staff yeah your ear yeah stupid yeah there's two things that always trouble me in our culture like how did that get that far because i understand you know when other cultures have been doing things for thousands of years and the ties stick fucking right through their face you're living in a jungle and i mean you're not even trying to be

about modernization you're just living your life but in this country there's that there's the ear thing and then there's the there's the ear thing and then there's the fucking saggy pants thing the saggy pants thing kills me more than the ear thing the saggy pants thing is i can't believe if you came up to me in the 1980s and said do you think saggy pants will still be around 2012 i said the fuck out of here there's no way it's so dumb i can't believe it's here now i'm like trust me it's to last. They don't even know what it's from. It's from prison. When the guys are in prison, they got no belts because they don't want to commit suicide.

So everyone's sagging their pants. So when they get out, they're used to doing that. It's like an ex-con thing. There's nothing cool about it. Well, somehow or another, it became a rock star thing. And you meet guys that are in bands, and they're sagging their pants. They have their pants buckled up over their dick. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

Are you a gangster? Are you a gangster are you uh basketball shorts underneath the pants and then what is that about what is that that is a i think weird it is it's horrible and then how about and then there's kids with the skinny jeans the practical jeggings and they're saying yeah like there's like a little space back there weird urge to pants those guy and headbutt them when you see a dude with the pants really just below their dick, you're like, this is just... You're crazy. You're walking around...

They start sprinting and watch them fall over themselves. You're walking around amongst people and you're basically... You look like a slob. You're basically handcuffing yourself and you're allowing people to close the handcuffs. You've got this little thing on. Someone just pants you and pushes you over. Like, this is ridiculous. This is the dumbest thing you can be doing. It's retarded. What kind of a man, what kind,

what does that say about our society? That people, for whatever reason, this is how they choose to leave the house. They want to buckle their pants above their cock and have their underwear hang above it. What? No, that's what you do yeah man it's dope i'm sagging like that doesn't even that's got to be some sort of uh it's an aberration like some sort of a thing you think so but it just continues to exist and perpetrate and just still continue to to be i see people like that all the time i see guys where they buy the jeans sag them so much that and then they wear the long shirt that it looks like your legs are two feet long. It doesn't make any sense.

And you know what? I'm not here to talk about fashion for the most part in terms of like, well, I didn't mean that in general. We want to talk about fashion. We can go on and on. He's like a politician. I'm not here to talk about fashion. I'm here to get down to brass tacks. My opponent wants to talk about fashion. I'm here to get down to brass tacks. My opponent wants to talk about fashion.

He wants to tax you for skinny jeans. Yeah, tax you for being a douchebag. Is your belt buckle below your dick? You're a fucking idiot, okay? Is your dick above your belt buckle? You, sir, are an asshole. You need to pull your fucking pants up. You can't possibly be contributing to society.

How old does that make you feel to have that rant? Not just old, but confused. Like something has happened that I did not expect. I think we've lived through eras and are familiar with evolutions of fashion as it is. We've seen- Bell bottoms. Yeah. Not nearly as preposterous.

No, no, they're not. And yet, not nearly as preposterous. No, no, they're not and yet and not nearly as offensive either But so we we started off I'm from 77 So I remember when bell-bottoms are still kind of hanging around though Yeah, and those fucking morgan mini vests like the multi colors on them and goofy shit right and the bowl haircuts by then going into the 80s and they're like the the the the Abstract hairs and then the all the different and there was like, all the androgynous shit, there was the super tight stuff,

there was the really colorful stuff, there was like everything, the girls that look like Nagel paintings, okay, I've seen all that, and then you go to the 90s, and then it just got, okay,

sagging pants, and like weird, odd colors, and shoulder pads, and whatever, and then the 2000s, and then you start, now we start combining

fashion stuff from from classic eras and i mean all sorts of stuff is making all kinds of comebacks so you're seeing looks from all over the place everywhere every day even right now that is the word that the sagging jeans just that is the your i just can't get i mean that's the bottom that's the least understandable. If you're a rock star on stage and you're sagging your jeans a little bit and you're looking like particular, you're deliberately trying to look like, like you're a, like a pile of shit, like some sort of thrown together, just, just sloppy son of a bitch on purpose. Right. Yes. Got it.

To a degree but when you're just when you're like a size 30 waist and you've got 40 jeans on and they're just piled around your your ankles yeah what the fuck are you thinking the fuck are you buying like quadruple x shirts that hang down past your knees you know who wears shirts that are so big that it covers their whole body women do when they sleep in them at night and I'm not pregnant yeah or when they're pregnant they were that or girls wear that when you're like 14 yeah your nightie shirt silly bitch someone's got a pants you so I was got pants you and push you over and I pull your shirt over the top of your face and then give you noogies yeah so fucking it's a look. And I can't believe it's still around.

It doesn't make sense. And I think it has something to do with the fact that we're not fulfilling our hunter-gatherer genes. Our hunter-gatherer genes are being ignored. Our hunter-gatherer genes are sagging right now. Yeah, our warrior genes, they're not being fulfilled. So we have all these genetic impostals that are all suppressed. And so what do people do?

It goes off in aberrations. And some aberrations are like sagging jeans. They do stupid shit because they know that they're not, they don't have to worry. If you were out in fucking Alaska and you were running away from bears all day, you would have your belt buckle cinched in. You'd have your fucking boots tight.

And you would walk outside the door and you would be like, shh, shh, shh. The fuck is that? You wouldn't be like, yeah, man, you know, I'm just taking coughs here but my pants sagging. Dudes are medicating themselves on purpose.

Leaving their house medicated. Leaving their house dulled. Why? Because they're thumbing their finger, they're giving the finger to nature.

They're saying, it's so safe, I can go out with my fucking belt tied over my dick. I'm so bored, I have to think of new ways to be an asshole

because I don't have anything to worry about anymore. Exactly. Sedated, going outside, not worried about anything. Sip my dick. I'm so bored. I have to think of new ways to be an asshole because I don't have anything to worry about anymore. Exactly. Sedated, going outside, not worried about anything. Sipping scissors. Sleeping on a park bench. You're not worried about animals coming up and eating you. There's no animals out here. The pigeons, that's it. You ain't got to worry about shit.

No, they're not doing a damn thing. God damn it, we've thumbed our nose in the face of evolution. This is the rebound. The easier things get, the weaker we become. The more we start looking for new and other ways to try and express that which is not being used at all. And not that I'm saying everybody needs to go out and start getting in fist fights and drinking whiskey and being fucking heavy metal badass like myself. But do something.

Do something difficult. Do something. Test your character. Anything difficult. Yes, anything. Just start by, let's say, maybe one, using definite words when you speak. Stop saying like, kind of, sort of. I sat there and listened to a cable guy

connecting my stuff saying, well, you kind of do this, and it's like that. What do this and it's like that and it's what do you mean it's kind of in like you fucking hit the enter button and it absolutely positively chooses said thing that you fucking put the cursor on it's not kinda it's not sort of it's like it's a filler it's fucking it's it's another way but now it's like commit come in people don't want to commit to anything nobody

wants to deliberately say i'm going to be there at this time and i'm going to fucking be there right i kind of maybe you know no one ever wants to also be deliberate in their speech because what they say someone go you know i i i think that uh that black is the new gray and then someone goes, what? No, no. And they disagree because you made a definite statement. You took a stand. You made yourself known.

I think black is the new gray. Fuck you. If you think differently, fine, we're going to get into an argument about it. I might run you over with my fucking car or whatever, but this is how I feel about it. If you say, I kind of think black is the new gray, it gives you that wiggle room that you can fucking slink your way out. You're greased up enough you can slide under the door. Right, kind of. It's such a

common part of speech at this point that even I find myself saying like and kind of here and there. But I can't stand it. I hate when I catch myself saying like. Like is a bad word. I'm not all about the like either.

But, you know, kind of this and sort of that. No, it isn't kind of or sort of anything. Lots of shit in this world is not kind of or sort of. It just is. So you can't get away from that. Just fucking deal with it. So, you know, that's just a huge pet peeve of mine, dealing with people on a regular basis i

guess it's it's so much easier for someone to think of things always having the ability to excuse themselves from it so that way they don't ever have to take the brunt of the uh the responsibility either well i'm sure your your reason for not liking that and other people is that you would hate to see that ever in yourself it's a it's a weakness we've all been see yeah we've all done those things you've all done bullshit stuff like that i think the difference being is when you realize that that was bullshit yeah you learned yeah and some people aren't learning some people that's that's where they need to someone needs to kick them in the ass someone needs to say listen you got to catch the fuck up all right you learn from your mistakes and then improve and move on.

It's not just a continual cycle of failing and trying to get back on the horse and failing. It's learn how to ride a fucking horse, okay? It's not how many times you fall off the horse. Don't fall off the fucking horse again, stupid. Okay? Train the horse right, ride the horse right, and don't fall off the fucking horse. That's right. You could be Christopher Reeve.

You keep falling off of horses. Especially if you want to get a horse to jump over some shit that it doesn't want to jump over. Right. I will never understand that. You know what? It is a lot to say that you can master an animal like that. That is right.

But it is a massive fucking animal. And when it doesn't want to do what it wants to do, how do you... I think it's great that we can use our intellect to control this thing, but when it came down to physical aspects like can't make a fucking horse to what it doesn't want to jump over shit's one thing if you're riding a trail horse you want the horse to ride a horse with a 200 pound man on his back it's really not that big a deal for a horse and they can safely walk but

you wanted a horse to jump over shit you want to fly through the air with a person on its back okay you're fucking crazy what what's what what if you ever tried there's a lot of other shit you know go go fucking take a martial arts class learn how to drive a race car race cars are great they have brakes race cars are great they're fun they're they're fantastic yeah you learn how to steer they're very predictable it's not a fucking animal some crazy mind of own. That just wants to jump for whatever reason. Wants to buck you back and lands on you and crushes your skull on a rock. How about that? The rest of your life, you have a window the size of a quarter that you can see the world out of and you're fucking shitting your pants.

That's not anything that I'm interested to. This is why I shoot all horses on site. Have you ever had some of those Alistair Overeem horse steaks? No, no, no. I haven't worked my way up. I'm more of a goat dick guy. He's with the whole heavy metal attitude. They're a little spicier. Horse meat's supposed to be really delicious, actually.

I have had horse meat in Japan at raw. Oh, really? Raw? Yeah, it's like a horse sashimi. It's like a delicacy over there, especially in Kyushu and the more southern prefectures. But I just, it doesn't, I didn't dig it. It was all right. And then Brian Johnston.

Is it kind of gamey? Kind of gamey. It's, I couldn't really, I'd be like. Venison like sort of a taste maybe? Closer to that. But I like venison. Love venison. It's just, it's a little it's amazing i'm amazed how hard it is to get venison you would think like really like yeah

you think like these are fucking pretty prevalent animals why isn't someone breeding them like around here you know i mean venison like somewhere on like the valley or something they had a big fucking field oh because here's the thing well you know there's it's hard enough to get to get assholes in hollywood to eat meat as it is and then then you go ahead and you want to deliver something like okay they're going to eat cow they'll eat chicken they'll definitely eat fish right i was just making fun of somebody the other day like what do you want to go sushi oh of course you want to go to sushi let's go to sushi i love sushi so much oh my god like give me some sushi like oh have you been to this sushi restaurant what the fuck why does every woman in la want to eat fucking raw fish why do you think that is um because it's what other what they think

every other woman in la does really yes i thought it was because it was yummy uh it's good but it's not like fuck let's always go eat sushi like fuck that like you don't you wake up one day and just think okay i might even still want fish i just want it cooked are you a red meat man yes yeah me too i'm an everything man so i ate the horse meat and it was all right but uh um well you predominantly like what do you eat like do you have like one thing predominantly eat like, what do you eat like, do you have like one thing to eat like almost above everything else during your diet? Do you eat fairly clean? Do you like nutrition minded or flavor minded?

Try to be both. I mean, I do really enjoy the red meat, hamburger or steak or, you can do a lot, it's pretty versatile too. Especially after you left right yeah it's the most satisfying food but one thing is okay there's that or if i just had just some serious piece of ass the very next thing i want fist to hand the very next thing i want is a hammer i have left i have left apartments at odd hours of the night just tracking down any 24-hour Carl's Jr., Jack in the Box, anything because I need a fucking hamburger immediately. Man, after I saw Food Inc., I'm done with the late night hamburgers.

I switched over. I tried to eat some chicken sandwiches. I'll eat a Carl's Jr. chicken sandwich or something like that. But the burgers, it's either In-N-Out or Wendy's. I try to eat some chicken sandwiches. I'll eat a Carl's Jr. chicken sandwich or something like that. But the burgers, it's either In-N-Out or Wendy's. And the other one, I'm tapping out. I can't do McDonald's burgers. They're too fucking gross.

I almost never eat any of that crap, I'll be honest. If I'm going to have a burger, there's plenty of places I could go that I know the meat is a lot healthier. I understand also the idea of keeping costs that goes so far overboard in terms of what corporations will try to do to save a buck basically you threw all integrity out the window so yeah I can't support that yeah what is that that's not even a burger you see those pictures where they could take a McDonald's burger and then they track it for six months and it doesn't rot it just sits there I heard I did read about that because my buddy did the same thing in his gym uh crossfit bread he took the burger and just left it there and it didn't and then so I read something about well

it's got so much salt in it so it's more of a salt thing really and they said the weirdest thing about it isn't really the burger it's the bun that thing not molding that's where that's the most fucked up part of the whole thing and you should really be the most worried about putting that in your mouth really that fucking crazy that bun I figure that buns is a piece of bread I mean you can source you can salt meat to a degree that you know and that it keeps for a long time they've been doing that forever sure but I mean long before we had refrigeration all meat was salted pretty much so and you can make it into jerky that bun we don't really bread doesn't have that kind of shelf life yeah what is that ever what are they putting in there some insane preservatives i don't know something yeah something totally gnarly that you really probably

shouldn't be putting in your body it's amazing but in order to feed the amount of the amount of people that we have packed in the cities like you just drove here from orange county think of that crazy drive which is one of the worst drives in the country as far as like population centers i mean that is an enormous amount of people from the 405 to the 5a that whole area is that's an incredible amount you're going through all these different demographics the whole way and And they all need food. Everybody needs food. They need food. I think that there is a, like, okay, Penn & Teller, I love watching Penn & Teller bullshit,

and they have their whole thing on organic food and about how various chemicals also determine whether something can be called organic or not, but that some certified or things that can be considered organic in terms of pesticides are actually worse than the things that they've created since then well fine but it's there's that fine line where if you like you can take it to this point okay to a degree but people take it that you know they want to save that extra like 30 cents on the dollar or three cents on the dollar

a half a cent on the dollar and like pink slime i mean that should just never be that should just never be pink slime yeah that that paste that they throw into the burgers that oh yeah lord yeah oh or like all the really gnarly treat it with like ammonia yeah see i mean just to kill all the bacteria that's in it it's like the idea that that's a burger is ridiculous that in a burger have you seen what they do to fast food burgers the fillers and all the different things they add I love in and out oh fuck I'll have a three by three with four by do you know do you like five guys five guys I do like five guys

pretty fucking good yeah I might like them better than now I think I got a taste of your bun yeah my buddy was going on and that's better I think I will say that they're equal but yeah pretty fucking badass did we just say separate or different separate but separate sequel is there equally delicious in a different way. In a different way. I'm a big umami fan. I'm really on a hunt to find the best ultimate cheeseburger you can get anywhere. And umami's definitely got a great one.

Father's Office is fantastic. And I'll spend the, whatever, you know, the 12 bucks on a hamburger. There's a place in Atlanta called The Laughing Skull. And they got some cheeseburger place above it that is god I can't remember do you remember that place Brian the Laughing Skull yeah what's the cheeseburger place I don't remember tortion fusion fusion I don't remember whatever it is if you're in Atlanta it's above the laughing so it's the fucking greatest cheeseburger place on the face

of the earth they had like awkward like great buffalo burgers with blue cheese and just gourmet slamming cheeseburgers, real meat, cooked the way you want. You want it rare, they give it to you rare. You want it medium rare, you can trust it. It's like, oh, it was so goddamn good. That sounds awesome. There's a place in Chicago I gotta get to. It's all heavy metal themed called Kuma's Corner. They have a Slayer burger, a Goat Whore burger, a Lair of the Minotaur. What's in a Goat Whore burger? It was, it was like a lamb patty or something with ground beef or sirloin, and these are

like gourmet pretzel rolls with goat cheese on top oh i mean all baked to put like the the layer of the minotaur one has these um these sauteed uh pear slices that have been thrown on top of gorgonzola and all this i mean just damn and you have dirty metal heads in there listening to like you know immortal and death and they're just counting the greatest burgers in the known world. Well that's a weird combination that they do is like into death metal and exquisite gourmet burgers. Yeah. That's so rare. That's exactly why I want to go there. How did you become a big death metal head? I started off just getting into metal from the classic rock side of things and my dad used to play guitar

just for fun play blues and classic rock and grew up listening to sabbath and and led zeppelin and the beatles and what have you and then i found like this kid that was the son of where of my babysitter he was he introduced me basically to iron maideniden. And that was like, oh fuck yeah. And of course, at like six years old, seeing Eddie, the mascot, was like the coolest thing ever. Like, oh look at that fucking dude. That's that shit. If you haven't seen Iron Maiden, it's like the monster looking zombie thing. Yeah, he's like the zombie.

That's what they call him? Right, Eddie. And I remember, he had this Killers shirt from the album Killers, and it's got Eddie holding some limp woman in his hand with a bloody hatchet in the other. And I was going, that is so badass! And then I remember, from there it was Metallica, and Slayer, and Megadeth, and Anthrax, and then that progressed to, I remember hearing Sepultura, and that was harder and heavier. And then I found this band Bolt Thrower, and I'm like, what the fuck is that?

The covers are so amazing, and they're from these games workshop, like Warhammer 40k stuff. So I'm like, I already like that, so let me check this out. Oh God, this is the heaviest, most crushing music I've ever heard in my life. It sounds like... What does it sound like? It sounds like an entire army of guitars coming up over the top of a ridge, and then all fist-fucking you all at once. Pretty much. While martial amps drop out of the sky continuously on top of you. There's raining on you. Being ridden by like trolls.

Is that the kind of shit you listen to in your car? Yeah. Yeah. I didn't blow my tire out though. I can't blame the music. Oh, it didn't blow your tire out. No, no. It didn't. No, no. What is that you listen to when you work out too? I listen to it all the time, but it really depends on my mood. So I can listen to, the only thing that I don't have on my iPod is country music. Really?

I can't get with country music. You never heard any? Or reggae. No reg reggae no bob marley i could probably buy one reggae compilation album and have all the essentials for any reggae song ever created ever and i'm okay there's like 10 really good ones right could you be loved that's a great jam yes that's a great jam i should get up not too great jam. I shot the sheriff. It's not too bad. Get up, stand up. Yeah, but it gets a little repetitive. Hey, I, you know, I've heard, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut.

Okay, got it. Got it. Yeah, all right. Now what are you singing about today? I and I what? All right, cool. Yeah, but at least it's better than Hawaiian music. Hawaiian music is fucking brutal.

Hawaiian music, Christ, man. I love Hawaii, and Hawaiian, they're very proud people, and I would understand if you got offended. And when I go to Hawaii next time, people are pissed at me. But the reality is, you're there. You have the perfect rock. You are in the perfect climate. The most beautiful place in the world. And you're playing a song like,

And she's selling her papaya. And the red and green banana. I think all the shit you could be playing right now. You could be playing Whole Lotta Love. You could be playing Led Zeppelin. You guys could have... ACDC. Yeah, Leonard Skinner.

You could be playing some real fucking music. This is ridiculous. How is this still around? How has this not been changed by the you know the introduction of other songs just redoing them yeah you need it that song go that song should never be sung again it sounds ridiculous all the great songs but it's like one of those island things you know yeah oh Jesus what cracks you well you know always crack me up is you look through the magazine.

I remember flying to Hawaii for the first time to go fight Super Bowl XIII. And I'm looking through the in-flight magazine. And it's got a little section for all the music. And it's got like, oh, here's Channel 4's locals. And you look, and there was this gnarly, big, jacked-up dude with a big handlebar, like the gnarly biker mustache, you know, whatever. It was like, Ufa Ufa Mufalufa is his name. jacked up dude with a big handlebar, like the gnarly biker mustache, you know, whatever it's like. Oof-a-oof-a-moof-a-loof-a is his name. And then you go and you listen to his music.

It's like... It's like, you have the sweetest voice ever. I bet your blowjobs are like pancakes right in the morning. Like with strawberries and syrup all over. I bet he massages his shoulders while he's sucking your dick. I bet he does.

I bet he just pulls him out of the socket. Because he's like 470 pounds, 8 feet tall, and he used to play center for the NFL. It's just bad music for the greatest place on earth. It doesn't make any sense. It's warrior culture too. The softest, most chill music. It's all good. Sweet home Alabama.

Did you imagine that? They just killed the whole Red and Green. culture to stop this most chill music yeah it's all good sweet home Alabama imagine it is killed the whole red and green banana shit I'm gonna take five minutes and while we'll rest in let's get up here show you about the fuck you done that would be hilarious that oh that would be cool maybe it's I always thought that maybe it was a strategy to keep people from moving to Hawaii. Just keep playing that shitty music. And like, I could get tired of this music.

Because if you were like on the beach and the best bands in the country all were in Hawaii, you're like, why don't we live in Hawaii? This is so much better. It's warmer and cooler. The music's awesome. And they're already upset, right? You spend a lot of time in Hawaii. There's a lot of people who get upset.

They're not happy about all of us Haolees coming down there. Or actually, really, anybody from the mainland. They're just like, why don't you stay there? Really? Even if you're Hawaiian blood and you live in the mainland? See, I can't speak on that. But as far as if you're just not Hawaiian. Did you ever live there?

No. I spent time there. And amazingly, Hawaiians are great to me. I love Hawaii. I like island cultures at large. just not Hawaiian. Did you ever live there? No, I spent time there and you know amazingly Hawaiians are great to me. I love Hawaii. I like island cultures at large. I think part of it is because I'm from a place like Seattle and I have some country roots to me in terms of like I grew up you go hunting and race cars and just all kinds of redneck-y ass shit in addition to any of this high art bullshit that my mom got me sort of weaned on. And love of like modern architecture and culture and the classics and reading.

But, uh, uh, fucking down there they're like, oh no, you're like really down to earth, dude, you're cool, you're alright. You're cool, you're a cool alley. The rest of those fuckers are like, well I'm sure, I mean, if you see the average douchebag American tourist, you know, rude to wait staff. i wouldn't want them in my yeah i wouldn't want them to my in my fucking country especially a lot of people you know much on fucking spending this vacation you better all kiss my ass one of those jersey douchebags could you imagine one of those jersey shore type or you know housewives of jersey type douchebags or just or you could even take the jersey shore of the

west coast someone from huntington beach yeah one of those assholes run down there bro bro you bro you know I'm gonna do you know I just popped how much money on these bottles in a pro that's perfect it that is a really good impression of one of those asshole I got to say bro 17 times and every sentence in here and you got it down I don't need to chill fuck out get more tribal tattoos Josh Barnett we need to get those motherfuckers in the gym. They need to get strangled. They need to get humiliated. They need to get

brought down to earth so they can calm the fuck down and just be a little nicer. It tastes so much more than that. It does. It really does because so many guys, especially on the West Coast now,

you know, like the West Coast beach bag, they go to the gym every now and again. They definitely live. They go there, they go train some Jiu-Jitsu plays train whatever they do they train and then I trained up oh right sure UFC and they get in there they never really some of

them fight a little bit now granted not fighters there's guys have had a couple fights there's a big difference but even getting humble and humiliated in the gym not enough because outside of the gym like well that's a different place that's a whole other that's a some sort of country that only exists there and then when I'm out in the general populace when I'm being an asshole on the streets of like Main Street and I and puts it and and PCH like that's it's different that is a big problem down there there is a lot of those guys right there is and there's I mean douchebags or douchebags of every genre of every genre you know every douchebag

has this thing you got your hipster douchebag that thinks like they're so above you and there's culture and everything they say has so much fucking meaning behind it so much deeper it's no, you're just as bullshit as anybody else. In fact, more so, because you don't even realize that the shit you say doesn't matter. Or, you know, then you've got the MMA douchebag who runs around and wants to make sure everybody knows that they train and that they can fight

and all that kind of bullshit. You've got your club douchebag. You've got douchebags of all sorts. I mean all sorts right everybody takes it is money douchebags as fitness douchebags just fitness these bags are great you can't even have a conversation about anything with their diet I mean that's just wonderful that's how I want to spend the next 30 minutes sitting at a table with someone that's talking about how many like grains of rice they can have and every now and it's when it's for like like a fitness competition

like what are you doing also you know you should do a you know different poses and you know you do like maybe a little bit gymnastics like you cheerleader I was a lot like chili man we like to hear you know this competition 0 the megaphone yelling at the same time are you supporting a team oh how about it's look at some fitness chicks they're ridiculous bodies yeah right but even with if the minute like they step off the stage like i'm fat i said don't look at me i'm fat they got a huge body smorgasbord or you know they it's like hey how you doing

hey what's up oh you're bomb're bomb. You're good looking. Let me talk. Oh, no, I don't want to talk about, you know, boneless chicken breasts. No. You know what? You get bored. I've got somewhere to be, but I'll be right back. Don't worry about that. You're doing supersets in the morning.

Thinking about hills. Let's fucking do it. I don't want to talk about it. Jesus Christ. How could anybody consider that to be something interesting? Yeah, we have that. We have an understanding, and I know what a superset is, and I ran a hill. But I don't do it for entertainment.

I don't like, oh, you know. Well, I've never understood people that are into, like, I can understand wanting to be in shape, but I can't understand, like, CrossFit competitions and stuff like that. To be the best in the world at working out? Yeah, I want to be the best in the world at doing cleans. But not an Olympic. Right, right. No, no, no.

Like 100 cleans in a row with 50 pounds. What are you doing? What's going on here for real? Oh, it's like, oh, bodybuilding. That's so garbage. Okay, hold on. Everybody has a way. They're using the way that they're going to lift for a specific purpose.

Now, I'll say, I think bodybuilding is pointless. Like, what's the point of putting all that time and effort to look, to just look a certain way and never use it? And then you've got the CrossFit, which is the same thing, exact same thing, but just they're in actual better overall shape. And, you know, they use it, but they only use it for more working out. Yeah. So, they're just basically just jerking off the whole time that's all anybody's doing they're just jerking themselves off yeah and uh you know okay well why don't you body build because you know you got to look better on screen or do power lifting because you want to be stronger. And then do a CrossFit, whatever workout for your anaerobic endurance and all this. And then take it and go play a game.

Go play football with your friends. Or go hiking. Or climb a mountain. Or go do grappling or something. Take all of that and then apply it into a skilled deal. I saw this video where there was, it was like the gist of it was these two NFL dudes are boxers or their NFL guys of former NFL they just come from boxing packs they did some CrossFit workouts and CrossFit gym in LA and they did it next amount of

time and here's our CrossFit guys that are here all the time the two dudes the two crossfit kids did it faster than the other guys and i'm like but they can catch a fucking football yeah you can just run around with your socks pulled up your knees like an asshole that's all you can do yeah you can do 100 kipping pull-ups great so what great well no one's trying to stop you from doing no one you know what a hundred thousand people are not going to fill into a stadium and pay you millions of dollars to watch you do kicking pull-ups. Well, sports are about someone trying to do something and someone else trying to stop them from doing something. It's a multi-faceted sort of a thing.

It's competition. When you're doing a bunch of chin-ups, no one's stopping you. It's just you doing a bunch of chin-ups. It's kind of a weird halfway sport. I mean, I can see how it's athletic. I can see how it requires willpower and discipline. Guys in the boulder are in amazing shape. Yeah, it's impressive. I can see how it requires willpower and discipline. It's impressive. Amazing shit. Yeah, it's impressive when guys can do incredible shit.

But I would rather learn a martial art. I would rather learn how to play a game. I would rather learn to do something. I would rather learn how to play hockey. Anything. It's just got to be more input. There's more going on than just standing there doing cleans. I don't get it either.

I think that's the shit you do to help you be better at the real thing that you do. Yeah, the guy I was talking to, he's like, well, I just like competition. I'm like, you like competition? Go to a jiu-jitsu class. I like to grab a go box.

Go join an intramural basketball league. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do something where you really fucking play pool. Go play pool in a tournament. Or just do CrossFit, be in shape, and that be the way that you stay in shape, and then that be it. Like, don't go running around telling the whole world about it. Don't, like, don't look at somebody else and be like,

well, when I did that, you know, when I did Francine, or when I did Zelda, like, I Francine and I did Zelda like I did it 17 minutes and that's I don't care no different names they're all named as a name all the names is like oh the army and rescue and McKee's a dick they all have an indigent like a righteous indignation when they order the green tea at Starbucks but that's I don't even and and I think the root of all that kind of stuff isn't doing CrossFit it isn't doing it could be any you could substitute CrossFit with anything else

right it's just that something comes wrong along it gets to a certain level where people start jumping on it because one whether it's good or it's bad it's something that's new and it's different and and it is a change from what the norm was, so therefore everybody feels like they're improving who they are, they're growing, and now they're a part of something that's more special, and therefore then that, by a group, gets taken way out of context, and then the after effects of that are people becoming douchebags. There's CrossFit douchebags.

There's a douchebag in a... He's broke in town mathematically. Yeah, you know, this... by the way, a lot of nice CrossFit people, so... and there's a lot of people that don't want to just go to a gym and just lift weights and be bored, so they take CrossFit classes... People like to do... you always remember the shitty stuff. Of course, yeah. There's a lot of good stuff about CrossFit, folks. We're not shitting on CrossFit. Working out and staying healthy is awesome. I love that CrossFit has looked back to older, simpler ways of training

and brought that to the populace. I think that's great. You know, strongman type stuff, old school, some of the old school thought processes of just, you know, grab heavy shit and lift it. But, you know, there's a lot of flawed reasoning, in my opinion, behind some of that too. And also, like, I get so sick of the oh i you know i'm training like a fighter like no you're not you're not a fighter no he's beating you up every day it's not the

same he's trying to choke the life out of your brain no yeah and if you you know you go to kickboxing class at night that doesn't make you a fighter either like fighters are fighters people that do martial arts do martial art martial You know, they train. Training is good. Just know what, just be realistic. And there's nothing wrong with that. You know, if you're not going to be a fighter, even though you train in martial arts, that's okay. Like, people talk to me about coming to train at the gym or whatever, and I said, you know what, don't do it because you want to be a fighter.

If you really want to be a fighter, then be a fighter. And be a fighter to every level that you need to, which means you're probably never going to amount to anything with fighting, because the odds are totally against you. But that's not the reason you do it. Not because of success that you think you're going to get from it. You do it because you're driven, and you love it, and you have to do it, and that's the only way that you can ever fully realize the utmost of your potential. More people are going to fail than are going to succeed. But honestly, if you are better when you end it than when you started,

and you don't have any regrets, then you absolutely succeeded. You didn't get the medals. You didn't get the money. But you took you as you stood here today and became something better and more encompassing and have lived a life experience because you decided to do something and do it like you mean it and that's hard for people to wrap their heads around that you know they're i go into the gym i just want to be better than when i step off the mat than i was when i stepped on it and some days aren't so great some days are amazing

and i also have like this huge mean streak like i hate losing, whatever, but I also, and as much as that is always a part of who I am, I have to temper that and I have to look at all the data that comes from everything that I do when I'm in the gym and then break it down and be more effective with it. I can't just think, look, he was out jabbing me today. No, I mean, yeah, in my head I'm thinking, I'm going to jab the living shit out of that fucker until his dick falls off. That's how much I'm going to jab that dude.

I'm going to jab him so many times that he's never going to want to get in the ring with me ever again, ever, period. You think this is about training, actually? Yes. But I also have to sit back, but I'll go, why was he able to jab me? What did I do wrong? What did I do right? Why is his jab so effective? How do I take that and make it mine?

Or how do I analyze that and see the patterns before they become a problem for me? That's very important, isn't it, in the development of martial arts, to see someone who's at an incredibly high level and realize that that is where the mark is set. You can't be the best at everything. There's somebody out there, there's probably plenty of people out there that I can just annihilate and use as a toothpick, use their bones as toothpicks when I'm done with them. But chances are, out of that group of people that I'm talking about,

there are people within that, there's things that they do better than I do. That may be that one thing or maybe a couple things but they're better at it than I am by far so I could look at them and take something from it doesn't matter how much better of a fighter I am there's so much to be seen or taken in there's a million ways that the body can move and one way you know and I realize there's some things I'm never going to be great at because of physicality, physical limitations, injuries, whatever. It's just that's okay. I'm never going to be able to do rubber guard because my knees are too fucked up.

What's wrong with your knees? I've torn ligaments in them, and the meniscus has been repaired on the right before. They won't take it. If I pull on them too hard like that, it'll start to loosen up. You're a leg lock master. Yes. Man, that's got to be kind of tricky to be a guy with injured knees and be a guy who has injured knees.

Right. I just have a very good feel for it, and I know what I can get away with. I know a lot of leg loss your ankle goes before your knees do all my ankles are not the greatest thing either but you just sort of understand what you're dealing with and then go from there but I have nonetheless since I know that I'm never gonna be someone that can effectively be a good rubber guard guy I pay attention because like Shannon Baszler

likes to use those setups. So she's working on something, I can go to her and go, okay, look at your, you know, get the angle like this because look at the way that that puts your body weight and your pressure against their joint there. And this is where now you're creating a weakness in them at this angle. So you can defeat that angle here. Or hey, this guy's really good at rubber guard. Now watch how he or over guard now watch how he's gonna try and get these angles and these positions on you because this is where it's gonna take you out of position so

this is higher you're gonna have to defeat that because fulcrums and levers it's all relative. Do you work on your flexibility a lot? I do yeah it's just it's hard it's hard to get there and I'm older. How much of a fighter's success do you think is a timing issue, like getting involved in a sport at the right age, the right time to get excellent at something? How much of it is bulldog determination and just the ability to learn from your mistakes and press on despite the bad feelings? It's mental. The mental aspect takes the most of it

because that's going to, the mental aspect is the thing that's going to not only make you want to fight when you want to quit, but it'll also make you step back and realize that all these things, all these circumstances came about within these moments and how to take them, change them, understand them, and make the appropriate changes and additions, subtractions from your game to be better.

You have to be analytical like that, and you have to remove emotion from those circumstances, because once you get emotionally attached and worked up about it, then it will defeat your ability to be as useful as possible. And like I mean, especially in the case of a lot of people, most people are never going to be really successful with fighting, especially if they choose it as their occupation. It's not going to make the money for them that they want. But it should deter somebody, and they should just do it because they love it.

I was watching a lecture by Alan DeBain, I think his name is, something like that, on pessimism. It's a philosophical lecture on pessimism and about how one of the reasons why you get so upset about things and you get so worked up is because you have these expectations that things are always going to work out well. But the reality of it is most things don't work out at all. In fact, there's almost always more failure than there is success. you're so primed for success you have such a belief that this will always work in your favor it's like his example was of traffic i mean you get so mad and angry and honking and pissed off behind the wheel in traffic but the thing is is that there's always traffic traffic is the the not the exception it the norm. So when you encounter it, why should you be so mad?

It's always there, and it always occurs. So it's more unusual for there to not be any traffic at all. But we have this concept in our head that even getting behind the wheel and driving down the road, it's all going to work out for us, instead of us having to wait just like every other schmo, because things are the way they are. Yeah, that's a funny way of looking at it it's um we can't uh one thing is that we can't appreciate failure as a tool for success you know because every time that i've ever especially as a comedian one of the best most

motivating factors is bombing on stage when you when you eat a dick on stage you never want that to fucking happen again and you'll tighten everything up. You'll go over your material with a fine toothed comb, think about your delivery, you listen to recordings. You don't want that feeling. How long does a joke suck before it becomes good? You never know, man. You never know. Sometimes you'll come up with a joke and it's perfect the moment it comes up. And then other times might take a a year for a joke to evolve i remember um louis ck was telling me that chris rock chris rock has this one really controversial bit he goes uh i love black people i hate niggas you

ever heard that bit it's i don't think i have brilliant bit about you know about it's you know, about it's, you know, the difference between in his mind, a black guy and a nigga, and it took a long time to work apparently, it took like a year, it was bombing for a year, he would go on and do it, he just couldn't get it to work, and then it became, eventually it became like a closing bit, it became a bit that was just a destroying, perfect

old school classic bit, but it's one of those things where every bit's got its own timeline, every bit has its own shelf life too. Some bits are timeless and some bits, they're only good, they're a monster for six months. Maybe it's topical,

maybe things change. You can't make a joke about VHS tapes anymore. Nobody gives a shit. You know what I mean? Time moves on. I used to have a great joke about Nextel phones. Nobody gives a fuck about Nextel phones.

Some of them last for a long time and some telephones. You know, some of them last for a long time and some of them don't. And some of them are done. The moment you say it the first time on stage, that bit's ready. That's it.

That's its lifespan. It's funny only the first time hearing it and that is it. There's some of that and there's some bits that are a fully formed bit the moment out of your mouth

and they last for years. It's totally different. You know, just, it completely depends on the subject depends on what you're trying to say how silly or complex it is usually the more depends on i imagine also what bits led into that sure yeah what bits go from it exactly and what not just jokes being said but what tone is being said yeah so all of a sudden you're going one

direction you change gears sometimes that immediate hard stop, change, catches people off guard. Exactly. And it makes them laugh. Or at least it gets their mind spinning in a way that sets up the next stuff. Or sometimes it just confuses them and fucks the whole rest of the next 10 minutes of jokes up. Just knowing that, you can be a comedian. You can easily be a comedian. Just having this conversation and knowing that.

I always tell people, it's not that complicated, but it's not easy. So it's a weird, bizarre trick. Closest I've ever been to a comedian was with a friend who was a comedian, and they were going to go on. And I'm just hanging in the end. It's this pre-show, and a bunch of us are all just hanging out in the aisle way, and I'm just being me and cracking stupid jokes and doing wordplay and whatever. Someone's like, you know, you working tonight?

I'm like... I got a little boner and I was like, very little. And I just thought, no, I'm not a comedian at all. What do you think? I like that. You can do it. It's not that complicated. It's, you know, it's almost like a normal skill

that everyone sort of has, a small form. Most people at least try to have one or two things they can say that are witty in their life. It's just a matter of cultivating those and becoming a witty farmer. How many people can keep their nerve, too, though? It's a little of that, yeah. Because I tell you what, if I had to get on stage and deliver stand-up, that would freak me the fuck out. That's way more fearful than fighting even five guys all at one time.

That's okay by me. You say that, but once you do it a couple times, it would be easy. Dude, I have been in some of these public speaking scenarios where people are like, oh, you're so great. I go, I'm shitting myself. It's so scary. But it's crazy shitting yourself. It doesn't make any sense.

Like, there's no real fear. Exactly. And that's a hard thing to get past is that in my mind, I know that all this fear is all self-created. If everybody thought I was an idiot, who cares? Right.

It only matters what I think. If I don't think I'm an idiot and I'm okay with it then fuck you all like go go fucking you can all burn I don't get it I should take a long time to get to that point of comfort though that is part of being a man one of the most important parts of being a man is getting to a point where you genuinely truly don't give a fuck if someone doesn't like what you like I was like what I know what I like I don't give a fuck like that very few people really don't give a and even once we get to that point where is the one area well a couple areas i should say where we make those exceptions one obviously yes

pussy pussy breaks you pussy ruins the mind breaks a man you're tragic. It can break a man. Pussy, you know, one of my, this song I've been listening to from every time I die, I got this great lyric. It says, it's not lack of ambition, it's women,

not lack of ambition that keeps good men bedridden. It's true. I know dudes that it becomes such a massive part of their life that it eclipses all else. I have a friend.

I've seen him glued to his fucking phone. It should be integrated into his body. He's on it so much. And yet it's constantly chattered, little text here, there. Oh, well, an hour's gone by on this one, so I need to send a response. And just constant communication between women the whole time because that's the amount of effort it takes to to bang that much fucking tail and i remember sitting there thinking i don't have the patience for this at all like it'll just get to a certain

point that if i deal with enough stupid shit i'm like you're a fucking idiot get off of my fucking phone lose my number i don't want to talk to you anymore it's hard enough for me to even have a conversation with you with my thumbs let alone have to think about the idea of putting aside a block of time to run into you yeah to work you up to the point of trying just to have sex with you oh yeah it gets to a weird point where some people just want to chat all day what's up like you get a text like, what's up? Nothing. What's up with you? Thinking of going to the gym?

Then fucking go. Then fucking go. Cut this shit. But don't tell me how it turns out. That's what your Facebook is for. To tell me that you're going to go to the gym. To tell me how good of a workout you had. You've got to beat up with them face to face. And you listen.

Time is very, very precious for me. I'm a vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, man. It does. So it takes a certain amount of, and this is probably why I'm a single man. But that's also why men try so hard to be bad motherfuckers. They try so hard to be bad motherfuckers. Partially, one of the reasons to dominate is to be more attractive toers they try so hard to be bad motherfuckers partially one of the reasons to dominate is to be more attractive to women yes naturally but i gotta tell you the difference

between being a real bad motherfucker and being an outwardly seemingly bad motherfucker right is night and day if you're an outwardly if you seem like you're a bad motherfucker then people think then most people think you are right the real bad motherf bad motherfuckers, nobody really ever knows it. There's a few of those. They don't have to tell the world. It's like someone asked me the other day about if I ever get into street fights or anything like that, and I go, no, because the people,

even when I want to fight them, they won't. And they're like, oh, who would fight you? And I go, they don't know who I am. I'm not famous. I'm not a celebrity. You are amongst martial artists. If you give me my little pocket of people, yeah, I'm fucking somebody

there. On Sherdog, you're huge. On Sherdog, I'm so popular. I'm so amazingly, I'm just all flammable. But in the rest of the world, nobody knows who the fuck I am. I'm okay with that. I've had guys eyeball me, whatever. I've seen the fucking the signs of it

you think if anybody knows when a fight's gonna happen it'd be a fighter so when i go or if someone's being a dick deliberately in my presence or to a woman that's that's that's around or whatever and i step up and i say something they're like i go people don't want to fight me and they go because you're big no no it's got nothing to do with any of that. It's because when you look into somebody's eyes, you can tell who really wants to fucking fuck people up and who really doesn't.

And I don't get upset. I don't yell. I don't scream. I don't have to do any of that. I just look at them. I tell them how it's going to be.

And I let them know if this is what we want to do. Like, I'll enjoy it. Like, let's please make this happen.

I've said to one guy, I'm like, how many friends you got? He's like, why? Because you don't have enough. Let me just tell you that much. Or I told one dude, like, you don't know anybody that knows anybody that knows anybody that knows anybody that can kick my ass. So, I don't know what you're going to do here, bud. You're in a bad way. That's hilarious.

I laughed at a guy at an Anthrax concert. I'm standing there with a girl, and he keeps trying to nudge through. People keep trying to nudge through right where we're at. And I'm like, of all places, you see a dude and a chick, go somewhere else. So I'm standing right there, and I decide that's it. They're going to have to start going around, so I keep my elbows out. I feel this dude bumping into me on the right side. He can't get through.

So he tries to get through on the left, but I'm just standing tall. So he's trying to get around it, but he can't. It's like pushing him over, him running himself into my own elbow. And then he starts getting mad. I'm just trying to, he's yelling at me about something. I'm going, what? He's like, I'm just trying to get through, man. I go,

I said this, that, and I said blah, blah, blah. I like it. I go, anthrax is playing. I can't fucking hear what you're saying. And he's looking at me crazy. I go I go just walk up to the front and he gets all fucking wild-eyed and he's looking at me crazy and I go is this what you want to do yeah I just started laughing at him I go you just need to keep moving and eventually the girl in front reaches up and grabs a hold of his arm and pulls down and goes don't do this you really don't do this I'm just smiling the whole time and he he just fucking, of course,

he leaves. It's all about the posturing. You get upset, man. Look at you. You're reoccurring this in your mind. You're recreating this in your mind. I can see your pulse quicken, your testosterone racing. The problem is that I stay calm, but you carry a grudge. You carry a story inside of you. Oh, I'm a Scorpio.

So apparently, according to all the books that they say out there, I carry a grudge. By the way, that's total stripper talk. Yeah, it is. I'm a Scorpio. I'm a scorpio so apparently according to all the books that they say out there i yeah carry great but it's also that's total stripper talk yeah it is i'm a scorpio i'm spicy i was a but the thing is uh i love being in those violent confrontations why do you like that is it because when you were picked on when you were a kid you still harbor some resentment to people that would fuck with you my mom when you were a kid, you still harbor some resentment towards people that would fuck with you? My mom was telling me. Because you're a nice guy.

You would never fuck with anybody. But if someone was fucking with you, it's almost like now you have a license to pay back. I can't put a real finger on it. It was, I knew that I enjoyed fighting when I was a kid, like being in the fights. I didn't start the fights, but if you gave me a reason, cool. And then my mom said I was the angriest kid ever. She said,

well, when I was born, I came out frowning. I looked like Ron Paul. And I fucking... She tried to hug me and I stiff-armed her. That's hilarious. She said it broke her fucking heart. I wouldn't let my own mother hold me. Wow.

And I was yellow and I was jaundiced and I was an asshole apparently. I just came out. I was like, ah, fucking. And she said as a kid, I just, I would, once I blew up about, if I got angry, I got so angry. It wasn't like temper tantrum angry. It was like fumingly raging, violent, like flames and daggers. I wonder if that's connected between your health at birth you know being in poor health at birth and being like brought into this world in a bad

situation where you're uncomfortable yellow and jaundiced i wonder if that like set the stage for an angry or maybe you got some viking jeans i might i might i got some viking jeans in there i think i bought those from I bought those at Nordstrom. Are they true religion Viking jeans? With the Chuck Norris gusset? Yeah, it's got horns and a beard on the crotch. As long as it has plenty of really big buttons and snaps that are intricately

carved. It's not a place to hang my hand axe. It has to be pre-damaged. Pre-damaged, of course. It has to look like it's already been through the poetic eddas. That's the only thing that's almost as gay as the sagging pants, as the cut-up pants. The chopped up, distressed.

The fuck is that? I went to one place and I was like, do you have any fucking pants that don't have holes in them? Can I just buy a pair of goddamned jeans? I like to have a regular pair of jeans. I'm not a child. I'm sorry. This is not gonna last. This fake, worn out jeans. This shit is temporary. I'm not buying a fucking pair of jeans that are fake, worn out. It's one thing you wear a pair of jeans out. There's pride in that.

These are jeans I've had for ten fucking years. They're comfortable as shit. Yeah, there's some holes in them. But I broke them in, man. I banged so and so in those jeans i can't let them go there you go uh i don't know if i've been i want to actually take that dna test that tells you why they can yeah tell you if because i know i'm german and i know i'm irish and cherokee indian and i've got some english in me but no i got neanderthal in me i know i do look at this brow red fucking brother-in-law used to call me the eagle from the Muppets. The eagle from the Muppets of frown.

I never even thought of that. The eagle is such a prominent frown. Yeah, yeah. So, like an asshole, Pat. That's hilarious. That's a funny fucking visual. But I want to take that test to also see if I got the warrior gene. Oh, yeah.

There is a warrior gene. Which is supposed to make people kind of gnarly. And the thing is, I don't have to have anything personal or any grudge. I don't have to be mad to get into a fight. But I... Enjoy it. Even getting hit, hitting back, just the whole thing. I know for me, fighting is the time I feel most alive and free in the entire world.

Because I can go out there in the entire world because I can go out there and do just about anything I can do with who I am and no one's going to try and stop me. Do you prefer old school rules? Do you prefer like Super Bowl rules? I prefer for those who don't know Super Bowl soccer kicks, stomps, headbutts

I prefer everything. Headbutts, elbows no knuckles. I understand no gloves or gloves? I think they were gloves. Do you prefer gloves or no gloves? I prefer everything. Headbutts, elbows, no knuckles? I understand the... No gloves or gloves? I think they were gloves. You prefer gloves or no gloves? I prefer gloves only for your own benefit. Cuts or broken hands? Yeah, but not to say that it's really been doing much for broken hands.

You just broke one of your hands. Broke this one, Cormier's got a broken... A lot of broken hands in MMA. Yeah. Super common, right? Yeah, very. Is there any way around that it's hard to say i don't know if it's an equipment thing is it possible to pad the gloves more or is

it just that well i'll say this one thing i noticed in pride there wasn't that many broken yeah well i was i was asking that once too and i was saying is it a better glove is the pride glove a thicker glove uh not necessarily ch tell son i would say because it's all fixed fights oh of course you know just i would say that he's so crazy when he says some of that shit about like like pride fights like what come on man you know some of that is just it's it's a brilliant stance to take it's such a it's such a fucking aggressive just obnoxious thing to say someone is bound to get right now who's dumber the person that gets mad or the person who says it the person gets mad clearly of course but the problem is there's a wee bit of truth in the fact that some fights in

pride were staged like if you look at coleman takata it's pretty obvious there's something going on there there's a few every now and then. I mean, you look at like Crow Cop Noguera. That's a real fucking fight. There's no doubt about it. That's a real fucking fight. But man, you watch Coleman tap out to that heel hook from Takata. You're like, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay. Oh, dramatic pause. I mean, it was ridiculous. It's not the best example of pride what was it like being you were there in the golden era man I mean you were there during the time when pride was in my opinion like put on some of the greatest shows in mixed martial arts history the pride open-weight Grand Prix the middleweight Grand prix i mean you just look at just the historic fights like minotaur versus bob sap i mean there's some crazy historic fights

from your era that was you were there man you were there for all that shit what was that like i'm fucking believable dude what was it like performing for what's the biggest crowd you did the biggest crowd i ever fought in front of was 50 000 the biggest the biggest crowd i ever like stepped out in front of at least grabbed a mic was 93 jesus christ and people want to tell you how big mma is here and i go it is and in america it's once it hits the media the way american media is yeah things blow up in such a different capacity than they do in Japan. But, man, we were stepping in front of 30,000 on a regular basis. I did a show with Hulk Hogan, you know.

Hulk Hogan wrestling Shono and 55,000 people, and I fought Yoshiki Takahashi in defending my King of Pancrase belt in the Tokyo Dome. I mean, that's, it doesn't, those shows were on such a different level than what we see here in the States. And the feeling, of course the feeling is going to be different in terms of the culturally,

it's going to be way different because you have Japan, this incredible homogeneous society with their ways and very specific versus America. So try and compare that sort of thing is not really fair. Right. Apples and oranges.

It really is. People are different everywhere. You go hold those fights in Uganda or you hold them in Transylvania. They're always going to be different because people's cultures are different. But they felt so dynamic, those shows. They were so so big it wasn't just the lights and it was the mood the setting when that music would start up and the lights would drop don't don't don't don't and you're sitting in back and I'm fighting like ninth or something but I'm all of a sudden I'm just wired I'm ready to go

I'm like let's just fucking grab swords and start screaming and running down the ramp a lot of pageantry to those events too i mean look i did not appreciate it sometimes when i was like just get to the fucking fights already these things are like six hours long and you like you were so jazzed up in the beginning but looking back man when everybody would line up you know and they would introduce fighters one at a time and and they would all line up. You're like, wow, this is going to be a fucking epic night. It really did build it up. It really did make it more of a special event. You know, I mean, the UFC, they've kind of done away with even, like, some of the walk-ins.

Like, when we're pressed for time, sometimes guys are already in the cage, and, you know, there's no walk-in at all. Yeah, Bellator doesn't even have walk-ins, really. Yeah, nothing. And I, you know, a TV product definitely changes things and in Japan their TV system is way different than they then we run over here you'll hear the Olivera get burned he has he deadly yeah he he was a big fan of Michael Jackson's and he thought it would be you know real cool to set himself on fire before he went out and fought. You should have seen his jerry curl before he lit up. Oh, jerry curl.

How's another thing? How the fuck did that ever happen? Another jerry curl and sag jeans and pre-ripped jeans. How the fuck did those exist? Nah, Jogil got hit with, he was in the wrong spot. I don't know if the marker was wrong or he lost in translation. And he got hit with some pyrotechnics and it just lit him up now thankfully he you know with the burns he's able to to come back and and he even fought again in pride yeah um and so i'm really i'm really glad that that

was the case because joel de olivera and lute livre legend yeah old school nhb dude if that that's fucking sad yeah that is sad i mean for a lot of people don't know he was one of the original guys back in the day you know he fought in uh some of those uh those uh valley tudor events brazilian valentino yeah the bare knuckle no rules events they were so crazy like when gary goodrich fought the the Pedro and grabbed his dick. Literally reached into his pants. There was no rule against it. So reached into his pants and crushed his balls and his dick in his hands. Like, no one had ever thought of that.

No one had ever... But Gary went so deep. He literally grabbed the guy's shit. So deep. Oh, God! Gary Goodrich is a fucking arm wrestling champion with these gigantic arms. And just imagine that guy crushing your package. I think he might have started off with a tickle. Just to get a guy to let go of the underhooks.

Just a little bit. And then if a tickle turned into a squeeze. And see, the guy didn't tap out immediately. It wasn't like a giant black man in the hand of my crotch squeezing. Ah, fuck! No, it was. Yeah. Giant black man Handing my crotch Squeezing Ah fuck No it was Yeah Maybe it's happening Maybe Gary had a finger

You know He was giving him A shocker kind of Massaging his prostate Maybe his balls Were already numb It's like he had Taken so many

Ball shots Maybe that's why He tapped out As Gary's You know He's like knuckles deep And he's like He's got two knuckles

In there And he's going You know what, dude? You need to go get this thing checked out. Gary, I know we're fighting and everything, but I feel a lump. Yeah, no, that's not. We need to get you out of here, right? He's like, thanks.

Thank you so much. Did you ever fight in a... I never stuck my knuckles in a man's ass. No, any event that allowed ball shots like the old Keith Hackney, Joe San fight. Remember that? By the time we were doing that it was always sort of a universal

like dude, just don't hit anybody in the nuts. Keith Hackney, Joe San is a famous moment in MMA. Boom. And he's putting like a tiger choke on him.

Yeah. A tiger choke. Especially when you find out later that Joe San is a fucking mass rapist. A maniac.

Yeah. Crazy person. A crazy person a crazy person was involved in a gang rape you know they they caught him for something else and they did a dna scan on him and that guy used to always hang around the comedy store he was always in the back room of the comedy store you'd run into him and he'd call everyone sir and like bow to everyone he was really weird he was really really weird yeah and he would have like no shirt on he was like super yoked really short like, super yoked. Really short limbs, but super yoked.

He'd be calling everyone sir. And then when it turned out that this guy was, like, a gang rapist, you're like, oh, wow. What a weird guy to have hanging around. That's about as bad as it can be, but I don't know. I would think that in his mind, he probably set his bar even higher than that. Did you ever try any of these compression shorts, cup things that a lot, you know, like videos of them, like Jaco has one and Diamond MMA have one? You know, I used to wear the dirty boxer one.

Mine tore. But I also learned a hard lesson of if you're wearing, I see, okay, I also, I wear ballet tuto trunks. Right. of if you're wearing i see okay i also i wear ballet trot trunks right so if you're wearing spandex trunks and you put spandex shorts on underneath that spandex and spandex just sort of all of a sudden your outer trunks are like turned into some sort of daisy duke wedgie up your ass right and then your under trunks are hanging you just look like a hot as is what you're trying to say sexy as oh no it's as shit. Oh, no. It's like, oh, my God. Look at that little guy. But those compression shorts is probably the best way to avoid really bad ball shots, right?

Because they keep it in place? Or is it a tie cup? I think, you know, a jockstrap or a tie cup. I think if... Do you use tie cup? No, I use a jockstrap. Just a plain old jockstrap with one of those flexible cups. Because my thighs are so big that a normal cup. It just starts digging into the inside of my legs.

Those flexible cups are good but these, I've tried recently, the reason why I asked is Diamond MMA has this really intense compression shorts set up with all these straps and this video is like- Are you sure it's for training and not for like- Well, he's got a ball gag but that's optional. The idea is that this guy has eliminated the movement, which is where the cup fails. You know, the cup moves to the side, and then you get kicked in the balls, and the cup actually hits the balls, which obviously can happen if you just have a loose jock strap.

So he can't pull it to the side. Yeah, his shit is, yeah, there's no tuckies from the side. This shit is slammed in place. But Kenny Florian says that a tie cup is the best. He says that you could, if you, it's uncomfortable as fuck because it has to go up your ass like a G-string. But if you do it that way, it's not movement. It's just. So you're saying Kenny Florian isn't an ass play?

I don't think he's into that, man. Oh. I don't think he minds chafed inner thighs, though. Yeah, he's okay with that. He has a steel cup with like a little piece of leather around the side. You know, rubbing balm into his groin. Yeah, you probably have to before you get going. You probably have to use some KY

on the sides of your thighs. A little bit. Some kegels. I don't know how kegels is going to help you. Okay, so here we're going off in a different direction. We're talking a lot about cups. Yeah. Which is not entirely what I thought was going to be on the table today. Well, it's a terrible design. The human

body with the balls on the outside. For fighting. I mean when you you're a fighter but if your balls weren't on the outside she couldn't like true lick them while you're that while you're stroking it yeah it's like a trade-off yeah i mean yeah you gotta you got the good with the bad on that what a ridiculous button that every man has his button ding ding ding ding yeah it's out there everybody knows where it is we're all running around vulnerable. And we've made countless jokes about it. If you didn't know that it was not only painful, it's hilarious. It is.

Yeah, even when you're watching an MMA bout and someone gets kicked in the balls. Like, oh! Let's watch it one more time. Yeah, we always replay it. I don't know why. There's no reason to. But there's got to be fetishes built around cups. Oh, sure.

Absolutely. I'm sure people sell their cups. Or like someone that wears a cup and gets a boner under the cup somehow. I don't know. It's like crushing his mushroom. Weird dudes that like jerking off to guys. Corey Smith. What?

He's not that guy. Joseph, I heard your podcast, Joseph. That shit wasn't funny. Rory Smith. Rory Smith. You know what? He should really tell this story. But he was...

For folks who don't know, former UFC heavyweight champion, great kickboxer, world heavyweight kickboxer champion, and trained... And owner of a and trained in Josh a lot. And owner of a utility belt. Not a joke. A utility belt?

He's got this fucking leather utility belt thing with pockets and pouches and all this shit and gadgets, and it's monogrammed MS on it for multiple sclerosis. So it's not quite a fanny pack. It is the ultimate of fanny packs. It's, you know, Batman. I'm jealous. It's a bat utility belt. I'm a little jealous.

Well, he can get one made for you. He was pretty proud to tell me. I'm like, I'm actually mocking you. I'm not asking for a location on where I could have one of my own. I'm sure you saw Morris' last fight. Of course I did. I jumped out of my chair. I was losing my shit. It was so awesome.

I knew exactly when it was all going to go downhill. downhill there was a point because I used to spar Maurice all the time and he's standing out in front of the guy and kind of gets this little grin I go that's it he's figured this dude out he's got him handled this is only gonna get worse from here and the mo doesn't go for the kill he's not like a get in there and just trying to annihilate you dude he chopped he just score score score job you know what too hard it's too hard to score score that's maurice smith so um so anyway so he's he's fighting what is that score score score that's it you know yeah it's like you know just score if you if you keep landing you're good you know eventually don't try to go for the kill you set yourself up yeah you know eventually yes eventually the right shot will present itself so you know the he threw that

right hand and step right kick he knew the guy was going to take off to his left and he ate it and it was all his majesty he was great in the the first coleman fight man when you really got a chance to see he talked all that shit he's like oh you hit like a girl and all this and coleman tried to punch him out and gassed and And he just took his time. He was so calm. And he never got upset by it all. I was talking to him. Me and him were talking before the fight. And everybody thought he was going to his death. And Maurice was so calm.

He was so calm. He was just hanging out back there with Kirk, the dude who used to train him. Kirk Jensen. Yeah. Let's go. No. Settle down. So anyway, so Maurice Smith, he's driving around in his Porsche. the mic let's go no settle down so anyway

so Maurice Smith he's driving around in his Porsche yeah he always has like an old like redone he always had

like 73 with like a little too much engine like a GT2 kit on it or something so anyways he's driving around

in his Porsche and I think somebody I don't remember how he ended up getting in contact with his girl he's fighting he was doing extreme fighting and he'd fight in UFC and this guy at a bus stop somehow he's sitting he goes hey I want to buy something off of you and Maurice is like okay he's like let me buy your jockstrap and Maurice had his stuff on him he goes like 300 bucks

I'm in her box sells his jockstrap takes off and Maurice is like I don't care do whatever you want to what idiot yeah I got $300 I'm like and you have now Maurice Smith limited edition semen stained frickin jockstrap now maybe guys where he's like maybe the guys wearing wearing it on his face like darth vader like it's something but something and then it made me think what is my jockstrap worth would i sell it fuck yeah how much i'd like to get five figures for it five figures thousand bucks that's not impossible you know what i think if you could take well it's too, you probably already watched it from the Cormier fight. I smell great, man.

You know what would be amazing? My pheromone. If you had plastic bags, I'm not saying that you should fake this, but if you did have plastic bags where a jock from the Randy Couture fight is in a Ziploc bag, hermetically sealed. Hermetically sealed. This is the jockstrap you were wearing when you won the title. Only jockstraps. Yeah. Only jockstraps. If you just had them all in a file at home. I'm not saying you should fake this.

But if you did have a file that you'd pull apart and it was filled with organized How many fights have you had now? Unsanctioned included over 50 could you imagine if you had 50 plastic bags filled with every jockstrap from every fight that you'd ever been in

including some with blood on them some smeared you know some with quick knockouts where you didn't even really get them stinky

you know what they would have to be hermetically sealed because the smell is radiating for said jock straps for like a 15 mile radius would pull in every woman and every feral dog. Yeah, they would be howling, coyotes

at night. The Cormier one would probably be worth the most because there's still sweat inside the bag. Still damp. Some moisture bubbles in the bag. You know, we're like,

you know, if you go back to the pride days, those are dried out. Right. They've, they've shrunk a little even. That would be somebody's, look,

someone's going to do it now. Yeah. Because we brought it up, we've set that in motion. There's going to be some. You know what? I got to pay for tires if I keep blowing up.

So what better than to use, you know, a little bit of elastic around my waist. You might might be able to retire on this I'm telling you if you could just know you could you would you could retire on something as ridiculous as that and selling your jockstrap well we should put up a thing you got one more fight coming up in strike force right yeah when how long is it gonna be before your hands healed I'm sure I got at least another months. What do you have to do for like physical therapy when that happens? Did you put a pin in it and everything?

I'm gonna have that removed at some point Basically, you have to have that removed. Is it an option? No, I don't have to but I think it's it's gonna be smarter in the long run to heal the stronger that way A lot of people that have plates in their arm, the plate is the problem, right? Right, and if it does break, if you break the hardware, and now you've got that crap stuck in the bone, it makes it even worse to try and put it all back together.

What's Noguera's situation like he had? I think it's called the humerus, the upper bone, snapped when Mir tapped him. I think he just started rubbing acai on it. I think his issue right rubbing acai on it. I think his issue right now is the plate. I don't know if they can go in and take it out though. Is it every break? Oh, he can't fight?

No, he pulled out of the Congo fight. He can't. Apparently he's in intense pain during wrestling. He was fine for a little while, but then when it got to wrestling, it was just too much pain. I guess that plate digging into your bones and digging into you know the meat in your arm you know I don't think you're supposed to I mean I think that

has to be probably removed if you're gonna engage I would think so yeah what about um Mears leg whatever happened with that does he still have the plate in it that's probably a prosthetic with a machine gun in it by now. Where he hides his knives. He's still crazy. Hi, I'm one of the biggest, strongest dudes walking the planet and I'm covered in weapons. Covered in guns. For all the people that want to attack me. Well, I don't know what that's all about, but he is the wrong dude to fuck with. Yeah, no. You know what? if he fell down a flight of stairs, he'd stab himself to death. And shoot people. Yeah. Getting shot through office buildings. As Frank Neer trips on the sidewalk.

His ankle gun goes off. Oh, his fucking... Blows up a gas station across the street. His dick dagger just stabs him in the foot. Dick dagger. Yeah, what's up with dudes like him who's already a killer, and he wants to be like fully armed to the teeth when he leaves the house he's like a real survivalist type of dude in that way uh you live in vegas i imagine his survival skills are a lot different than the usual guy

like how do you avoid vomit on the street and like how do you get into the strip club without paying well when you work there it's easy yeah but well vegas is a dark place though as far as like the type of everybody talks about vegas i'm like i hate vegas yeah i don't like it because it's one it's it's it's purposefully fake and engineered to fuck you up like even from the carpet from the way they did i think it's kind of cool that they've figured out the ways to make you gamble and spend money and fuck your life over and to assign to some you know formula like wow that's pretty good that's that's fucking cool in a way i just don't want it to happen to me but then once you leave the strip right you leave all the opulence and all

the cool shit that they're you know all the fucking things that they're dangling out there to pull you in and you get just outside the strip like every service industry thing around there is filled full of all the lost grey tea prison tatted wrangled up used condoms of people that all lost everything in Vegas and they can't leave and you go

and you order your Sonic Burger and you're like fuck dude I don't know what happened to you but that looks contagious i don't know what happened to you but i that looks contagious i don't really like you know seven like fucking snaggle tooth on one side it's a strange strange part of the bad news strange part of the country it's a desert it's a fucking desert what is in a desert this there's life in the desert i've seen all that national geographic bullshit too i know it but not really meant for us.

Yeah. You know who lives in the desert? Crazy people. Curmudgeons. You know. Weirdos. Yeah. We were actually talking about that before you got here.

Where like if the shit goes down, Vegas is one of the last places you want to be because there's no food there. They can't get food. So once trucks stop coming in and planes stop landing with food. All those six dollar prime ribs. Yeah. Gone. All that shit. Yeah.

No money. There's no money for casinos. Except in Northwest. Yeah. You can $6 prime ribs. Yeah. Gone. All that shit. Yeah. No money. There's no money for casinos. Except for Northwest. Yeah. You can grow everything you need up there. That's the truth. That's the truth. I was watching the video of Chael Sonnen preparing for Anderson Silva, and it showed Portland.

I'm like, God damn, that's beautiful. Look how fucking green everything is. Green and healthy. I mean, you could have an incredible garden there. But you have a serious problem with Portland. What? All the people with the fucking discs in their ears oh you'd be you'd be off all the other rings yeah no they're not sagging yet i know that's another thing i don't get the bull ring so many beautiful women have that and it's boring right yeah it's like man it should

only be okay if you can attach a little chain onto it and drag them around wasn't that a girl like tina marie didn't she have she? She had the nose ring going to the ear. Remember? Yeah, Portland does have a lot of freaky people with those nose rings. That nose ring is so unnecessary. I've seen some girls who have a nose ring and it's kind of sexy. I dated a girl once who had a ring in her nostril. People can pull shit off. But they can't pull off that bull ring. That's nostril. I mean, people can pull shit off. Yeah, but they can't pull off that bull ring. That's pretty tough.

I've never seen anybody pull that off. The other thing is chest tattoos on a woman is not my thing. Well, she's hot as fuck. There's so... The skull with the wings. Yeah, and I look at her, but I'm like, you're not a sailor. Are you going to give her a bare knuckle fight or something? Like, no, you're not.

So you don't... You know what? You have tits. You have the greatest tattoo ever created for your chest yeah you have the ultimate like big tits little tits whatever you got tits you don't need to put ink on top of the tits leave the tits alone yeah it's true leave me to have the chest tattoos and the handlebar mustaches it's why you brought this up i have to write something down because i can't forget that I have to make fun of my friend Bill Burr for

using a Thomas guide in 2012. He's one of those dudes like he, I love the guy. He's an awesome comedian, but he has a 1950 pickup. I think it's got like the shifter. Okay, like a three speed on the

column. On the column. He's got no navigation system. He uses fucking Thomas guides. He's always jugging around about it, using Thomas guides. There's some people that refuse. Metzger maps. They get a kick out of being antiquated to the level

of difficulty. You know why people had maps? Because it was fucking hard trying to fucking follow the falcon as it went down the road and remember no so we created a map and now you went from a map this is your bit i think actually about the whole you know oh and now you're going to go back to you know when you were living in some fucking dirt hole right you discovered you had a bathtub right look at how much of an advancement tech this is wonderful i'm gonna have my baby in a bathtub and then you go from that and

you have a hospital and then now all of a sudden like no let's go back into a fucking hole full of mud and have a baby in that because that's natural yeah well that was me making fun of women who wanted to have yes natural birds like stupid yeah I know somebody else yeah no I've heard that no that's his well it becomes a thing man when you are around a bunch of people you kind of forget sometimes who is the one who said it but it made it's funny yeah but it made perfect sense like it's not nothing okay having one to have a natural childbirth in some way or

whatever like okay I can all right yeah I get it on a be where the buddy has the most likely chance exactly he. Babies die constantly. All the time. So now we have the ability to keep babies from dying, so why don't we do that? So it's the same thing. Like, okay, I understand using a Thomas map or whatever, but that, sorry, we have GPS now. Now, if you have the Thomas guides because in case your GPS fails, cool. Driving a three-speed truck, that's all right too.

Drum brakes. It still drives, still stops. case your GPS fails that's cool it's driving a three-speed truck that's alright too like that's dumb brakes and stops if as long as you're aware of what you're dealing with you're okay I just drove up here in a 69 well barely drove up here in a 69 Oldsmobile but I know what I'm dealing with and I'm okay with that but I didn't drive up here with a fucking Thomas map the whole time trying to do this I used to have a 68 442 you used to have a lot of cool i love that still do i bet back uh that back bumper one of the greatest bumpers in the history of automobiles that giant chrome shiny bumper that's one of the reasons why i have this kind of car because i had a 300 cs rt8 great car i had been rear-ended twice see i never got any at recks until I got to California.

I'm on the 605. We get past this fucked up traffic and I start driving by and I see a fucked up car on the right, which is why we're all... I'm like fucking California. You just can't go a day without having to run yourself into somebody else. Like you're just fucking morons. And we speed up and then it starts slowing down again. I'm like, oh fuck. I slow we speed up and then it starts slowing down again i'm like oh fuck i slow down stop and then boom right into my back i wasn't paying attention of course not and then they managed to fix the car from that it's all good i go and i pull the trim off have all the chrome turned black and do all that make the murder out the car looks awesome like okay cool i'm gonna keep on to this for you know so many

more years and then i'll finally get a new car and then i'm leaving at this this place like 2 30 in the morning it's been a good night for me and uh i'm on beverly in la siena i just parked for four cars maybe ahead of me it's at a red light and i'm just chilling boom like didn't even hit brakes there's a ranger just plows right into the back of me he just annihilates the back of my car I'm texting I don't know what he was doing he wasn't drunk because the first thing I did is I got hit and I first I thought oh shit it was a crazy boyfriend hit me like crazy ex-boyfriend sorry no it's not that guy in his truck

and I looked over and so I see see a truck, and I got, well, the first thing is, doing all this fighting shit that I've been doing, high-stress situations, I know I have way better facilities than the average person. Even today, I'm driving in the fast lane at 75 miles an hour, and there's that wall on the 110 on the left-hand side of the concrete divider. And I heard, boom, and it goes out, and the 110 on the left-hand side of the concrete divider and i heard boom and it goes out and the car immediately tries to go into the wall but i managed to i'm i'm breaking the car i'm applying brakes and feathering it and and steering the wheel and keeping it straight i didn't hit a thing you know i'm not together oh yeah like a man like a man like

a man josh barnett i didn't fall off that horse. I rode that bitch. That's what I'm talking about. Then I fucked it. Whoa. Fucked it good. And then ate it. And then ate it. And then I became buffer and more sexually dominant. My sperm count went up. How long have we been doing this, Brian?

Almost two hours. An hour and 45. Okay. So I go and I get hit. I look. I see the truck. The first thing I do, I get out of the car and I jog over to where the truck is pulling over onto the side. Then I notice a different truck

come over, take a look. I see these two dudes in the car and they're freaking out. Oh my god, fuck. I can't believe this. They're upset about getting into an accident. Not drunk. At all. So they were texting or blowing each other?

One of the two. Maybe both. At the same time. Texting while blowing each other. Texting about how good it felt to be blown. Oh, this is so awesome. So after that, I'm like, you know what? I really like the idea of having a nice all-steel car.

So go ahead and run into this. See how that's going to work out for you. That's true. That's one thing about those old cars, man. They can take a fucking hell of a wallop. You can smash into stuff. And, you know, when I finally lose it and I just start going berserk on the freeway and hitting people, then this is going to be the vehicle to do it.

It's definitely better than, like, a Prius. Oh, everything's better than a fucking Prius. Isn't that an insult, guy down at the AC windows on the road? I mean, not a Prius taxi. They're the worst because they can't even fit any luggage in the trunks. No, it's pathetic. I don't have anything against hybrid technologies

or cleaner, safer burning stuff. Fine. Can't fuck with the rumble of a V8. No, you can't. Here's the thing. If you want to drive that, go for it you think you're saving the environment by creating a bunch of fucking shitty batteries that are going to pollute something somewhere then all right whatever like minerals from congo yeah so uh anything

designed that it's all a fucking scam it's not not there's there's been ways i'm sure of that you could have the most fuel-efficient gasoline-powered car that we have no idea because every one of those things has been shelved on purpose by the oil companies themselves. I'm sure. Because what good would it do you to have to buy less gas? This is probably a car that can run on water. Yeah. We probably have that already.

So anyhow, you see these Priuses, and it's okay, but it has no soul. Hybrid cars have no souls whatsoever. I've driven a hybrid car, and I'm like, well, you know, it drives. It's a car. It's fine, and it does what it needs to do. But I feel like I'm in a soulless, lifeless box. And you spend so much time, especially if you live in L.A., behind the wheel. I want to drive something that makes me feel good about being in it,

that makes me get out of bed in the morning and go to get in my car and be like, God damn, if you were a chick, I'd totally hit on you. And that's the 69-year-old does that? Well, it's a grizzled girl, I'll tell you that. But she knows her way around the block. She's a bar whore. Yeah. She's smoked about 6877 000 cigarettes in her life and

you know now she talks with one of those little fucking microphone dealies in her neck but uh it's you know it's got personality and the car is not perfect and that's fine you know it's mechanically sound and it runs great and it's fun and trying to explain the appeal though it's of like one of those having like a v8 engine one it has you turn the car over and it's got a sound it's like hey what's up here how you doing where are we what are we doing today what do you want to do want to run some shit over want to go fast what do you want to do no we could just hang out let's fucking get on the road it's a completely different experience than a Corolla. Even though a Corolla is a very nice car.

It can get you where you want to go. It's lacking that. It's something that was captured in the creation of those cars. These cars are steel and they're solid. They're meant to last a very long time. They are, and there are touches in terms of comfort and of just style that are stupid. That's obnoxious. You didn't have to create little emblems that some little fucker had to paint himself

and then put them on the inside of the interior. No one's ever going to pay attention to half of that shit. But they did it anyways. They're sinking the lights in a certain way and having to put chrome around that bezel and going the extra mile, the extra 30th mile that is is you're not going to get in a car nowadays and be in that kind of it's like going into those old buildings and seeing all those touches that they put into the flooring into the the mantles and you're getting that but in a vehicle you can tell the difference between a factory just churning out some four-wheeled mobile to get you wherever

and somebody, even a factory line, where people are putting these things together. Do you appreciate technologically advanced cars like a Nissan GTR, for instance? Oh, the Godzilla? Yeah. I think it's amazing they can make an over 4,000-pound car run that fast. I don't think it's quite that heavy. I think it's 3,900, 3,850. It's heavy.

It's very heavy. Four-wheel drive, zero to 60 in less than three seconds. It's crazy. It's nuts. Yeah. It's unreal. And then it'll do it in such a way that what my racer friends will tell me, that almost any idiot can get behind the wheel of that car and learn to be fast.

So some folks have been like, don't get one of those. almost any idiot can get behind the wheel of that car and learn to be fast yeah so in fact and so some folks have been like don't get one of those like well i'm like i'm not just sitting on 80 grand i'm gonna go run out and buy a car with but okay why not they go you're not gonna you're gonna get bored you know it's gonna be awesome it's gonna this and that and then eventually it's like there's no fun in this there's no it doesn't need to be well it doesn't scare the out of you it doesn't come out it out of you it does everything and it does it all well and it takes all the efforts and a lot of the skills

out of learning and adapting to a vehicle and it takes it away well you can take all that shit off you can shut off all that shit you can shut off all that electronic control and treat it like you're on a racetrack and then it'll scare the fuck out of you you can go sideways on that car oh I'm sure you can

you just have to shut off all those stability systems i love the car i think it's one of the coolest cars on the road it's almost ridiculous to get anything else if you wanted to get a car that goes fast like that car not only does it go fast it's like it's super techno it's like the most advanced technological achievement as far as what we can do today to get you to go fast and safe. It's the most technological efficient. And it'll do it what a car that costs three times as much. Right, yeah. But then I was talking to somebody about the difference there is, okay, that GT-R will do it.

But when you get in that GT-R and you look around and it is comfortable and it's got everything you need. But if you get in that Ferrari and all of a sudden things, it's not okay the ferrari isn't maybe quite as fast or maybe it's as fast but you look at the way it was put together yeah and the way the leather well they're made by hand oh it's i mean there's a huge difference there and i would the trouble with a ferrari is i would love to get behind the wheel which i've never done and drive the shit out of one and treat it like like it like like a horror that it is i'll totally treat it like a dirty bitch shiz all over her face yeah but uh um it's too expensive yeah you just you do that and all of a sudden the bill shows up for changing oil breaks all that fuck and if you don't have the the nomenclature that

says you had it all done then the value starts going down and like that's just too much fucking much which is also why i bought a 69 holes cut list that is not a super special one it's not super pretty it's not perfect so when it gets dinged oh well yeah like whatever well that's one of the things i've always said there's something to be said for like a Corvette ZR1 It's like what they've done is just blown everything on the water as far as like performance as far as zero to sixty It's right up there with every other car that's ever been made 60 to zero stops quicker than any car that's ever been made. It's got one of the most ridiculous Nurburgring times

So it's but it's like, you know, the interior is Good, okay ridiculous Nurburgring times. But it's like, you know, the interior is not that good. It's okay. But look, okay, put all that shit aside. The fucking speedometer works, alright? You hit that gas pedal, that's a real engine, bitch. That's a 638 horsepower V8 that

sounds like hell. It sounds like the fires of hell and world challenge road racing for for SCCA they have there's a team of Cadillac and those fucking CTS be those are ridiculous they start rolling around the track they sound bad as fuck yeah they just they sound like even they don't take first they at least let everybody know that they were there it's a beastly car and if you those ctsvs are ridiculous like you can't believe you're in a four-door sedan that's a cadillac you know and they wail they're

like 560 something horsepower essentially the same engine it's a detuned version of the zr1 engine and just hauling out so you get in the wagon yeah so you can stick your kids in the back it shows the g-force on a wagon we live in an awesome time as far as like what they're what's what's possible today i think so i think cars have come to such a different level i love my my gt500 my 09 it's such a badass car and and my sponsors and everybody and have helped me to make it even more gnarly. I have a GT500. I have a 2011 convertible. What do you think? Fucking great. Isn't it just an amazing car? It sounds so good. You can slide the tail out if you want to, you know. I mean it has some sort of traction control but it's a fucking live axle car. It's fun. It's really enjoyable. Yeah, well I went and took all that enjoyable thing

and then turned it into like a murderer. Oh, what'd you do to it? Well, I put a Whipple supercharger on it, so it's 686 rear wheel horsepower. I got KW and BMR for suspension. I braced the whole fucking thing up and have coilovers all around it. Do you have wider tires?

Not yet. But you're going to... Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, HRE's supposed to make the wheels for for the car I'm just waiting on somebody to step up on the brakes because it's gonna be an optimal ultimate streetcar challenge this year I got a one-piece carbon one-piece aluminum driveline from lethal performance and like all this different stuff and I had somebody drive the car I took the rear seats out of it I pulled

all the rears all the rear stuff out kind of this little deal set in I've got to put a roll cage in, honestly. And I'm still taking weight out of the car and doing the thing, but it's still, it's got the stereo in it. It's got everything. I put these amazing Recaro seats in the front. It's super comfy,

and I've got this magniflow exhaust all through it, these three-inch pipes. And every time I turn the car over, I mean, I know that my neighbors are just like fucking rattling their teeth. Yeah, it's loud as's loud as well they're just a stock exhaust in the gt5 it's fucking amazing now it's ridiculous oh it's one of the greatest sounds ever that was a roar of a good v8 and a great exhaust yes and uh i let i let this guy drive it and he goes this car's trying to murder you i go yeah pretty much i tell everyone it's a 30-30 car in 30 seconds to 30 feet some Joe Schmoke is behind

the wheel they've wrecked it Wow because it'll just go out from underneath it doesn't take anything to blow the tires off way too much power for those back tires right well kind of well the suspension honestly leaving the Optima challenge last year it's just watching and I decided to go through Death Valley instead of, and then meet up with the 15, so it's just stretches of just empty road, and I've got this little EVAP problem right now, I've got to sort that out, so I like to put the car in limp mode, so I can't stomp it, but I can roll into stuff, and I take a little cruise at 140, flat as fuck, and and if you go into 55 mile an hour corner 120 it

just rolls right through it and comes right back out i mean it's just this this suspension from kw and all the chassis and bracing shit from bmr just has this thing rocked on the ground i took it to this guy out in west la and this guy tom can't remember the name of his shop but at any moment you could have like 1111 million worth of cars all sitting around this place that looks like a dump. And you don't even know it's there. But he's fantastic with doing suspension and tweaking these cars out. And they set it up for my weight and everything and dropped it and lowered it

and set all the suspension geometry right. They set it for your physical weight? Yeah. Because you're a heavier guy? Right. Because you have to adjust for that 250 pounds sitting in the driver's seat and how that affects suspension. So do they have like an asymmetric suspension?

Is that what it is? Like one side is at a different height or something? Yes, slightly. To keep it balanced and flat? You know how they basically just have your fat ass sit in there and then fucking adjust it. And they take the measurements and then do the adjustments as need be and uh and that's my cat my buddy chris from kw and he works with all the drift guys like

and all them and sets their suspensions up and everything comes up with trick different ways of doing it what is the whole drift movement what is that about why do people like to go sideways in cars basically well one because it looks cool right it does look pretty it looks fucking cool i think i would call drift the different like the the combination of stunt driving and racing because they have to go fast enough through it they've got to do but they've got it it's not just about going sideways because they do it in those tandems so the idea is like to try and match your and get as close and as tight and to emulate the guy's run in front of you as tight as possible without hitting him hitting the wall hitting anything else and doing it as fast and as skillful

as possible so i look at it i'm like it's just like a violent auto ballet. That's funny. That's a funny way of looking at it. Oh, the events are really fun too. So they've got like DJs and it's like a huge party the whole day long. A violent auto ballet. A violent auto ballet. Yeah, there's a wild ball. And how do they judge?

It's based on like – They judge on speed. They look at the speed. They look at how – now they have these clipping point things. So they've got these lights that will monitor up if you get within a foot of them with your car. So they measure how close you get to these clipping points They also measure how closely you follow the you hit the right apexes and lines for the drifts But also how closely and tightly you follow

The guy ahead of you the lead car and you're as the follow car. Oh, so a lot of crashes There's a decent amount of whacking So a lot of crashes? There's a decent amount of whacking. But they're not catastrophic. Most of their body panels are tied on with zip ties, so they just fucking rip right off. Oh, really?

Yeah. On purpose to make it lighter or easier? Well, just so that, because we have all these fucking Zeus fittings all over the place, locked in there, and it gets torn. No, instead, now it just breaks at some little spot and falls off real easy. So instead of tearing a whole bunch of fairing off of the car or something, it just tears off a little, like the bumper rips off,

and you can go ahead and fix that real quick and zip it right back on again. Oh, that's interesting. So they've sort of altered them to deal with the constant collisions. Yeah. And there are some amazing moments where someone's coming through a a clip like coming up against the wall and they're they're getting that back end out and

they get so close that the back end hits the wall just enough to fold it in and when they come off it pops back out i mean that's holy shit dude you you literally ran your car into the wall but just enough that it was still okay well one day there's going to be every car is going to be like a gtr where everything is calculated they're going to see things coming and except it's not going to go that fast and the government's going to tell you where to drive that's going to be a real problem isn't it you know i had heard something about i don't know if this is a true story i never really researched it but someone was really driving really fast on the highway and the cops um called uh what is it on star yeah and they shut the car yeah is that true uh i think that is is that really possible see that seems

to me to be i mean i'm not for people getting away from the cops me neither but i am not also for the sky net shutting your car off no that drives me nuts it's like if you have a problem that shutting your car off no that drives me nuts it's like if you have a problem there's the one thing is to to to deal with the problem i think is to take it so so much further that all of a sudden everybody's freedoms are impinged that's not okay yeah the fact that i'd rather have to deal with cops chasing somebody down even if it ended up in my house getting ruined because of it yeah then having the a big brother able to make everybody do everything the way they want to every time yeah absolute power corrupts absolutely and i was talking to this gal and she's going oh i would love it if cars start driving themselves they were talking about that

magnetic system where you know they had the cars following in traffic and stopping and slowing down and you know reducing accidents and i think safety is great but life is dangerous period we don't we die every day that's part of the fun yeah you know what uh cormac mccarthy talked about the the about everything is about games uh in this book blood and meridian and he goes on about how it's you know games men love games boys love games but what they love the thing about a game that makes it more important or less is what's at stake so war being the ultimate game because death is at stake. And that is the ultimate wager, is life. And it's true.

If there was no consequences for a lot of the things that we did, there wouldn't have any meaning. Of course. Getting into the ring and fighting somebody with no consequence of injury or death or whatever wouldn't hold nearly as much interest. It wouldn't have the same meaning behind it. MMA has to be very careful because if samurai fighting starts becoming really popular and dudes start actually sword fighting, then people aren't going to watch MMA as much as

they are going to watch sword fighting. I think there's a whole collection of sword fighting videos right now. Really? I think it's put, you know, with cocks. Oh. Yeah. Do you think that there's a Zerba in the ground sword fighting? Do I think that I could do well in that? I don't know.

Oh. You mean like that movie Lorenzo Llamas? Was there a Lorenzo Llamas movie? There's a Lorenzo Llamas movie where it's like Knight of the Warrior. Oh, no. He's fighting with swords. Is that possible for us to go back down to like the Romans and the Christians and the lions and all that stuff? Not yet.

Not yet? But anything's possible. Right. I mean, come on. Look at the way that government is today versus the way it was, say, in the 50s or in the early 1900s. It's much more intrusive. By far. Much more power.

Yeah. By far. Much more power. Yeah. By far. And, or just look at how radical taste may change in terms of what content you'll see on television versus We're about to wrap it up, man. what you would see,

let's say, even in the most risque part of the 20s or 30s. Yeah. Technology, of course, always has a lot to do with that. You know, you have cameras

that anybody can use to shoot. So, of course, it's much easier to make porn than it was back in, you know, when you had that anybody can use your shoes of course it's much easier to make porn right than it was back in you know when you had an edison machine or whatever yeah yeah you actually did a wine yeah you gotta you gotta have a good strong arm and you gotta you gotta have coordination to jerk off and wind a wheel all at the same time uh but but look at if you just turn into regular advertising i mean it's amazing that there aren't just men just jerking off on corners everywhere they go because there's so much sex being thrown at you all the time it's the best

way to sell things right and uh and how much we can get away with in terms of flesh and and provocative whatever and and what and we see these things as being and i don't have anything against any of this but back in the 30s like people would have an aneurysm like that's like oh yeah unthought of to see something like that and just things progress now could things progress to where people are really sword fighting i don't know i suppose so and we'd have to have a few natural disasters if people happen wanted to sword fight shouldn't they be allowed to i think if they choose to do it if they choose to do it yeah if they choose to do it if people i mean want they want the ultimate contest they want i mean it's not like if they choose to do it. If they choose to do it, yeah. If they choose to do it. If people want the ultimate contest. It's not like if they don't do that,

they're going to live forever. They're a temporary being. If you choose to go out that way... Actually, as a Highlander, I have to sword fight to live forever. That's the only way, right? Right. There could be only one.

Of course. Josh Barnett, ladies and gentlemen. This has been a fun podcast, dude. Thank you very much for that. My pleasure. I hope to come back on. Oh, please, anytime, anytime, definitely. So you said about three months before people can look forward to seeing you back.

Yeah, I mean, I got good. Three months before you can go back into hard training? Hard to say. I got a follow-up on Friday, but, I mean, I've got good range of motion in it, but I do want to take – I know that that's going to take a little longer to cut this back open, and I don't like surgery. I don't want to get cut open. I don't want to go under, but I just think in the long run it's going to take a little longer to cut this back open. And I don't like surgery. I don't want to get cut open. I don't want to go under.

But I just think in the long run, it's going to be a lot better. So you have to do that soon, and then you have to recover from that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, I'm even looking into, like, there's, like, what can they do for bone density, you know, nowadays? And, I mean, this is my livelihood. I need to make sure if this shit doesn't happen again yeah what can it can you i was asking online about makawara is that there's any fucking i think so those kind of those karatka yeah they can punch just about anything

yeah and there's like chinese iron palm techniques and these people work on it and so it seems like it would condition your hands yeah those guys have giant knuckles and it seems like that would help a little i've seen documentary the dude he hits a little piece of steel every day you know some kung fu dude and it's legit man the guy he doesn't feel are you gonna look at doing something like that yeah that and like you know what forms of calcium or whatever there's supposedly something called forteo out there which is a bone density drug really they give it to osteo the women with osteoporosis with high likelihood of fracture wow and it might be able to like a healthy person jack up your bone density i suppose i mean the thing is we're losing bone

density every day yeah that is a problem with getting older fighting the power man fighting it and you know every every cell that we have in our body is is constantly being attacked and then will degenerate over time and can't live forever but uh when you while you're here you'd like to be able to use it as much as possible how old are you now man 34 34 how much longer you thinking me throwing down till i can't till you can't till i can't till the fucking wheels yeah bloody my hands to the last breath be torn from me because as much as you fucking this isn't the only amount of time you have in your life to do this. And fighting is me.

I am a, fighting is absolutely a part of who I am. Violence is a part of my life. And that, I've got a lot more to me than that. But being in the ring and being in war, that's what I'm made for. There's a lot of guys who say that and you go, okay, dude, keep convincing yourself. When you say that, Josh Barnett is telling the fucking truth. That's exactly what you feel. That's exactly what you mean when you're saying it.

You're 100% committed and convicted to it. It's fun. And I told someone the other day I go when I go to the ring I'm already dead. I go to the ring as a dead person. I have no feelings. I have no emotions. I don't care about anyone. I don't care about anything. I don't care about my life anymore. I don't have it. I have a little set list of songs I listen to in my hotel room before I go to, and I, you know, like a couple tears might fall from

my eyes. I don't, without, without any sound, just, you know, just out of nowhere, just, and I know that those tears are for the life that I no longer own that it is gone i am dead now i have mourned my life and it is no longer existent i am this this is me right now i am walking the life of a dead person and the only way to go is to go out there and let's go to the death let's let's just i have nothing to lose because i have nothing anymore there is nothing i feel nothing I care for nothing. In the middle of that, it's got to be the most intense feeling of all time. When you're in the middle of a cage, like in your last fight, the most recent one with Cormier, and you guys are both throwing down, and you both had broken hands at that point in time. It's got to be one of the

most intense and realistic forms of struggle on earth. It is, but unfortunately, that's where it's great, where your corner man can give you that input to aim your direction. Because I got in there, broke my hand, made a couple, fucked up a couple times in there, and then all of a sudden I went into fight to the death mode. But it's not a fight to the death. It's a fight for five rounds. If you don't finish it in five, chances are you're going to lose.

So, didn't really, I mean people looking like oh you're like blowing blood out of your nose and just you know you're coming at people and never stop coming forward and trying to murder i'm like right but in front of three judges a referee and five rounds it didn't work so I got paid less and you know thank you it's still a learning process it is I mean and I know that it's it's a yeah it is a learning process but I know that that for me being like that feeling that way that's that's there's days I feel it most of the time I feel like that's the way I really am. When I strip off everything that society has imparted on me and imparts on me, pushes on me, I throw it all away.

And I tell you what, feeling like you're dead is pretty free. You really feel free. You've never appreciated life more when you've already given it away. It makes sense. It makes sense. As intense as things can get, there's no other way.

As intense as nothing, other than actual war itself, there's nothing more intense. It also, I think, you start getting to and uh it's it also i think you know you start getting to that it's like the i'm gonna try and do something you just do it if there's something that must be done you do it you just do it and uh you can you know everything doesn't have to always be to the level of you know i'm you know the walking dead and and i don't have any emotion or feeling anymore i had a a girl i was in love with break the living shit out of my heart

as soon as I had to go off over to Japan. And I had pro wrestling matches to do and stuff, and I'm destroyed inside. I'm totally ruined. And I'm giving press conferences and shit like that, and they need to see a hero, but inside I just feel like a piece of shit. I feel terrible.

And I'll go out there and wrestle, and I had to wrestle a match in front of 12,000 people and make it look amazing. And I did. And we fucking, we tore the house down. But it was like, you know what? You feel like death right now. You feel like the lowest form and your heart is so broken.

But nobody paid for that. So it doesn't really matter how you feel right now. You have this in front of you, and this must be accomplished. And you can, anybody may excuse you for circumstances, but that's, no, sorry. There really is no excuse. There is only the result and only, you know, whether you do it or you don't. What's it like for you to see guys that you uh came up with like guys like pedro hiso that have reached pretty much the end and you see the end and do you uh

do you take like a mental account do you know to you know to to look at it i'm gonna start training even because i'm tired of getting hit in the head by fucking some of the monsters that are in in there and i just i know that part of the reason i try to read as much as i do and i do want to be a more well every day that i have a chance to be a better person and learn more and be have a broader sense of this world at large um is necessary it's important i think that's part of my uh not just right as a person to do so, but I think it's a necessity. You should have to do that.

It's also to stave away the effects of that kind of shit, of dementia and whatever. I'm getting hit in the head in practice constantly. I go in the ring and I get hit in the head some more. It damages your brain. There's no way around it. Some people are more susceptible to the side effects of it of catching pugilistic dementia and the different becoming punch drunk and but i know that there have been times where i find myself trying to catch a word and i'm like i don't know why i

can't think of that right now but that's yeah maybe maybe it's because i'm getting hit in the head by eric prindle who's like 300 pounds right but so why not just save it save that brain so that i can use more of it and even i'm still gonna be getting hit in the head no matter what headgear i have on me but uh i don't want to take things to the point where i've made a disability for myself mentally or physically with fighting. Do you think you'll be able to discern that? I think if I'm honest, I will. But when I watch guys like Pedro, he can't take a punch like he used to. Part of me feels bad when I do feel sad for where they're at now

compared to where they used to be but I'm also more so happy that they are here on this earth loving their life still being able to exert themselves in the ring and be a part of this and if they decide to retire or when it comes that point they need to retire that they did it that they had the opportunity they live that life they took those experiences into themselves and they can stand there in front of anybody and go i did this i made my mistakes i had my successes i did this i did it with everything i got and you know what you can't take any of that away from me ever it's all mine and i earned it and that's beautiful powerful wisdom

from josh barnett ladies and gentlemen and with that note that's the end of this podcast that's the real end of this podcast this is the first time we ever did a podcast like this for folks listening this is going to sound weird uh it might sound a little different because we're using a totally different setup we had a some sort of electrical shortage and brian got zapped in the face with a fucking lightning bolt. I wish I could have seen that. Yeah, it was a white spark. Too busy trying to run my car into the fucking divider wall on 110 North.

Well, there was a lot involved in making this podcast happen, but it did happen. So thank you very much, sir. I really appreciate it. Thanks again to our sponsors. Thanks to The Fleshlight. Go to joerogan.net. Click on the link for The Fleshlightlight enter in the code name Rogan save yourself 15% off the number one sex toy for men thanks to it's true for real

it's our sponsor okay thanks to on it.com o-n-n-i-t makers of alpha brain shroom tech sports room tech immune andood, the 5-HTP supplement. I take shrooms myself. Do you? That's not even a joke. Cordyceps? Cordyceps and just a whole mushroom blend. Yeah, I do too. Great. Mushrooms are very healthy. Yeah, there's a lot of really healthy mushrooms.

We also have kettlebells and battle ropes all for sale now. Go to Onnit.com. And if you use the code name Rogan, you will save 10% off all supplements. So go get some. Thank you, Josh Barnett. That's the end. Good night, you dirty bitches 10% off all supplements. So go get some. Thank you, Josh Barnett. That's the end. Good night, you dirty bitches. Oh, follow Josh on Twitter.

It's Josh L. Barnett. B-A-R-N-E-T-T. Bye.