The Joe Rogan Experience - #238 - Kevin Pereira

Episode Date: July 10, 2012

Joe sits down with Kevin Pereira.

You know, I'm experienced. I've been on the podcast my night, all day. DJ Brian does it again. In the mimics. You silly bitch. How dare you. How dare you come up with new ways to be silly. Ladies and gentlemen, Kevin Pereira's here.

Brian, are we for sure on the right channel? Yeah. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. We know for sure for sure on the right channel? Yeah. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. We know for sure we're on the right channel? Uh-oh. That sage shit scares the fuck out of me. What just happened? Runtime error?

No. Live Jasmine pop-up? New stuff that we got a hold of. This new God powder. Yeah. This new Mother's Creation. It's a type of pot called sativa. You know what that is, right?

I've heard of it. Kevin Pereira, don't you know a little bit about that? I've read a wiki or two. I've been on the interwebs. It's called sage. It's the name of this one particular strain. It doesn't seem like pots should be different, that one should really have that much of a different impact on you.

But some of them, man, you get a hold of them and you go, okay, what's this? What the hell is this? It's like when you get tequila blackout a few times and someone introduces you to whiskey. And you go, oh, this is supposed to be the same exact thing, but it's completely different. Yeah, how is that, man? Why is tequila different than whiskey? Is it because most people want to say that alcohol is just alcohol.

And if you're drunk on wine, you're drunk on beer, it's all the same. But it doesn't seem to be that way. It doesn't. It doesn't at all. I mean, it's got to be because of the I'm trying to think of the environment. Normally when you have tequila, I would say you're probably

in a shitty Mexican restaurant somewhere. Right. There's mariachi music in the background. Right. And all those senses combined give you a very different drunk feel. Right. Not true at all. I've had tequila in multiple settings.

Yeah, but statistically. It's the same filthy, vomiting, blackout high for me. It's dangerous. Tequila is like really. I can't drink it. There's something about i can smell it decision making yeah it's just yeah i like look at it and i go like this is gonna be four days of hell yeah being drunk man what a fucking weird idea to take humans and they voluntarily

inject something into their system swallow something that tastes awful and all just to be free of themselves for a little bit yep just to be free and the fact that that is the one that you and i can go easily and quickly and legally consume yeah and then get behind the car like the wheel of a car and do all sorts of tragic stuff that is just murderous and torturous to society and yet that is the one that is completely legal it's so hilarious that our system is set up this way in this day and age.

Yeah. And the days of the past when they could lie and what would, but now that we have all the information, the fact that it's set up like this is like,

you motherfucker. Well, and the fact that, look, I don't give, I hate political polls, I hate polling, I don't trust any of that shit,

I never get called for them, I don't know anybody else that does, but apparently they're pulling the nation. But the majority of this country actually wants it to be decriminalized and legalized. Yeah. And even with all the info and the political weight behind it.

Right. Not going to happen anytime soon. Yeah. And what you were saying about polls, like, who the fuck is answering those polls? Who's the... People who still answer their phones when they get a call on their landline. Right. Who are these people?

And they mute their QVC and take another Werther's Original and take a poll. I mean, who the fuck is taking polls, really? Polls are one of the most ridiculous things ever. Because all you're going to get is people that aren't busy. And it's just people that have nothing to do. Do you ever take polls? Like you're on TMZ, do you ever do the polls? What?

What? What are the polls? Like, is she hot, is she not? Yeah. Oh, no. Well, those polls matter in this world yeah those kind of those are the ones that matter no man i don't i don't go on any polls i'm not i don't i'm not fucking filling anything out i don't i'm no interest no interest to ask bs consumer questions when i when i'm on like the when i'm on the telephone and it pops up with a hey if we press one if you're okay with a three to five minute survey at the end of this call i go yeah i'll press one because in my head somewhere a flag pops up on a computer and tells somebody

that my call is going to lead to feedback i don't actually take the survey but i go out of my way to say like yeah yeah i'll take the survey so you just become a random in the system probably i'm a ghost in the machine somewhere. You're a number generator. You're just fucking with their numbers. Pretty much. For no reason. You hack their numbers.

You know when those cars are in the malls? Like it says, sign up to win this car. That's signing up to become on the worst spam mailing list ever. You'll start getting phone calls and spam. Like your business card in the fishbowl at a restaurant or a fair. You're just giving away your info at that point. You're saying, please market to me.

I knew somebody that did that for a living. And he says, dude, they just make so much money just collecting hundreds and hundreds of people's complete information, addresses, everything. So what they do is you have to fill this shit out, and then you put it in, and it's worth it for them to give away a car to get all that information. Yeah, because by the time they get enough, they're selling your information and getting a lot of money, and that car is nothing to the amount of money.

It's worth thousands and thousands of people's information. So how do you think they do it? Do you think they go to Volvo and make a deal? Do they say, hey, listen, we're going to give your car away? No, I think they go and they say, this $20,000 car or this $70,000 car is going to be an investment of X. We're going to get Y for their data.

That's a done deal. They'll just buy the car and set up something like that. So you don't even think they'd do it through the car companies? No, I think they'd just buy it. They'd probably go to some sweet promotional discount. They'd probably get refurbished cars somehow yeah well and the car companies themselves will do that just to get collect data on people who are interested in that vehicle and willing to go out of their way to look at it so they're they're doing it themselves there's independent companies that are doing it selling it to them yeah right but when you have like a

cadillac ctsv showcased in a mall and you can win that. I gotta think Cadillac is paying for that. No. In some cases, I bet. I bet some times, yeah. If there's a new car that just came out and they're trying to draw attention to it, then they might work something out at the mall. But if you go to most malls, it's just some random car sitting there and it's like, win a trip to Hawaii

or something like that. But the pro tip is when you meet somebody you don't like in this life, when you're networking or at a business meeting or whatever. I like how you said the pro tip in when you meet somebody you don't like in this life, when you're networking or at a business meeting or whatever. the pro tip in real life. Pro tip in life, man. It's a real life pro tip, bro. This ain't wall hacking

in Battlefield. This shit's going to help you out in real life. Okay, what is it? Take the business card of someone you absolutely hate when you're networking and just make sure you toss it

in all those bowls at the malls. Do you do it? No, no. Take copies of it? Yes, absolutely. Spread their business card around everywhere.

Why do you have a stack of my business cards? What? Just want people to know you're awesome. Yeah. I'm your number one fan, bro. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's a weird thing that people want to collect that much data, isn't it?

That's what's important. Reaching the most amount of people. Being able to sell them things. Being able to convince them to sell you things. What the fuck do you think is going on in Nigeria that makes them so good at scamming? I mean, there's one place in Africa that's really known for catching dudes, thinking that it's a girl. It's just a Nigerian man behind it that's tricking this. Right, or the high priest of the land or whatever has millions of dollars

tied up in a bank account we just need ten thousand dollars and a little info from you to get it out those kind of scams as well i bet they have just like endless pictures of a woman i bet that's how they started so they can here's me here here's me there you know you can just i love the people that fuck with the scammers back have you seen those sites yes yeah look we would really love to give you a million dollars and we have it we those sites yes yeah look we would really love to give you a million dollars and we haven't we're ready to do it we just need you to get completely replace your mouth with stalactites if you could just get that operation done or put diamonds in all of your teeth and then record yourself singing the uh the theme to back back to life or facts of

life they like make them go out of their way to do crazy shit to release the money yeah oh yeah really yeah they said they'll sing songs they'll record videos someone had them shoot like promos They make them go out of their way to do crazy shit to release the money. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. They'll sing songs. They'll record videos. Someone had them shoot promos wearing specific T-shirts and stuff for his company. It was great. He's scamming scammers. How many times have the scammers won, though?

I mean, they must- Enough to make it worth doing time and time again and still do it in this day and age. How many think you're doing it? Do you think it's a real business in Nigeria? I would assume so i mean if gold farming and diablo can be an industry in china you know like that was the that game came out and on the day it was released there were bots and there were communities and there were sites explain to all the non-dorks exactly what you mean so uh all right so when see us folks when we're busy not having sex we figure out games to to play. And Diablo is one of them.

And you can buy, there's a real money and a virtual currency auction house in the game. So you can use that currency to buy new staves and swords and pieces of armor and flair. It'll give you poison resistances. It's really intricate shit. Very important stuff. So you can use that gold to get it.

But some gamers don't want to spend the time or they just want to buy a brand new character so they can go kill the whatever boss. So they're willing to spend $10 of real world money. So someone needs to create a bank for that, and they create these systems where they farm for gold. And they do it in a bunch of games. They do it in World of Warcraft, they do it in Diablo, pretty much any game that has a currency online. There's a secondary marketplace where people are grinding through the game, doing repetitive things that are known to give you a lot of that currency so they can sell it back on the market. Whoa.

And there's entire warehouses, cyber cafes, you name it, full operations where people are employed to just click, click, click through any given game to get virtual currency so they can sell it back to people at an inflated, slightly inflated price. I watched a show where there was a couple that had a child, and they were both addicted to some game. I don't remember what the game was. But it was one of the saddest things in the world to watch this couple argue over who has to watch the kid while they were playing their fucking game.

Children have died. Because parents neglected them playing StarCraft or World of Warcraft. It's so frightening. Well, what they need to do is give the kid an ipad so they can farm along with mommy and daddy that's wasted that's a wasted process cycle get that kid working it's so bizarre though the pull is so strong that it's really like it's just like a drug you could call it a drug absolutely the addictions to video games are very drug-like any addiction to anything can i mean you can people will find a way to be addicted to whatever it is a way to be addicted to

whatever it is they want to be addicted to and it's just as bad, just as deadly, just as caustic as anything else. Isn't it funny? What a weird animal we are

where we can get addicted to doing things. Not just like, not just sensations that are caused by drugs but we can get addicted to doing things. Creature's a habit.

Like, how much of your life is on autopilot? I mean, you lead a pretty diverse life where you're doing different things at different times but the essentials of your life like some some people will tell you that 80 of like a relationship in life is autopilot that you're really only living 20 of any given like long-term relationship because you establish such patterns with yourself and with your job and with your loved ones that that shit's

on autopilot you're really only commanding 20 at any given time when you decide to do something out of the norm. That was a stat that was told to me. And I kind of believe it. I don't know if 80 is right, but how much of your life is actually kind of on autopilot if you think about it? Yeah. Well, I think for a lot of folks, it's the easiest way to get through the day too.

If you're doing the commute every day, hour and a half to the office. Some people, it's really an hour in the morning, every morning. Just stuck, stuck every day for an hour. Some people commute four to six hours a day. Folks that come in from Long Island. You ever see that hall coming in from Long Island into Manhattan? Holy shit. I did that once at 9 o'clock in the morning.

I was like, this can't be real. There's no way this is real. You make everybody stop? No wonder why this sucks. And the whole thing of tolls, by the way, what a fuck. What a fuck tolls are. You've paid to have this bridge

installed, and now we're going to charge you every time you drive on it. Yeah, we paid off the bridge, but we kind of like you paying us every week, and we're pretty sure you're just going to keep doing it. Yeah, we paid off the bridge, but we kind of like you paying us every week, and we're pretty sure you're just going to keep doing it. So, toll. And that's one of the reasons why Manhattan's traffic is so fucking brutal.

You're paying tolls all over the place. Tolls to get in from Long Island. It's toll from Jersey. There's fucking tolls all over the place. And they're like 10 bucks, right? Some of them, yeah. Some of them are like 10 bucks. Nine bucks, 10 bucks. To go over on my cunty bridge.

Like, that is corruption at its finest. The bridge that you've paid for. That's the thing. It's already paid for. You paid for it as well. Like, yes, it's already paid for. But you paid for it half the time as a taxpayer. It's a great way to generate revenue.

Right. Isn't that a funny way? I'm saying it should be okay to rip you off. Mm-hmm. Rip you off and fuck up traffic for everybody because we want more cunting money.

And it's, I liken it to the TSA. Like, we paid, we've paid billions if not trillions of dollars for this institution to erode our own freedoms,

to grope us. We've paid for the privilege of longer lines and radiation. Yeah. That's insane. And now, I'm, well,

they did a couple pilot programs to like it was basically like a fast lane through the tsa shit but you had to sign up and some of them you had to pay so we had to pay for the institution which degrades us and slows us down and we can pay extra to bypass it in a quicker way well they need to find out that you're not a creep that's their their justification sure that's the justification do a background check on you and go, well, Kevin Pereira, you've been in and out of federal penitentiary seven times for selling crystal meth. We want to make sure you have crystal meth in your underwear.

You've got weird baggies that show up on our scans taped to your ball sack. You want to explain? Sir, first of all, those are feed. I eat through my asshole. It's like a horse. I feed it apples before every flight. I learned about it from Brian. Having meth taped to your balls, there's no way you could say,

wait a minute, where the fuck, how'd that get there? Someone else packed this bag, sir. There's no fucking way that was there, man. I can't even believe this is real. What's going on, man? Did you guys do something to me? I always love that on Cops when it's like, we found this crack pipe in your glove box i don't even know what that is it's got your initials on it well that's that's a coincidence that's not even yeah man it's jr there's a lot of jr a whole lot of them jr robling

how do you say your name that's the meth addict cousin of jk rowling yeah that one yeah harry potter didn't have any magic she was just tripping on trucker meth trucker there's a big sign in santa monica boulevard in hollywood i was um i was driving down santa monica and there's a huge billboard that says do you have a problem with meth and it just shows a a guy like a regular guy just just his face like, oh, shit, I'm on meth. And I'm looking. I'm like, wow, how many people are on meth that they need to have a billboard here? And is that billboard going to help you?

Well, that's what I mean. If you're on meth, you're not going to look up and go, oh, my God, I'm the billboard guy? I should really stop this. Do you have a problem with meth? Here, call this number. Call this number. And then what am I going to do? Are you going to give me money?

No, watching... Are you going to get me off meth? Watching pieces of your own face fall off at like a public restroom mirror that's cracked that smells like urine. When you look at that and go, this meth thing's all right, but oh my God, I'm on a billboard now.

I need to stop this. Does anybody do research before they do meth? And go, well, okay, it looks like this is super addictive and completely fucks your life up, but I do want to get high. Is there an

Erowid for math? Is there like a first times and difficult experiences? I'm sure there is. Erowid is awesome. Erowid.org is awesome for any experience. They've had that, even that whatever the fuck the actual chemical is for bath salts yeah what is it an mdma but 2cb i think is well there's there's so many of them that have been classified as bath salts or plant food that it's hard to narrow it

down yeah is that what it is i was saying that the other day but i wasn't sure is it there's a bunch of different chemicals and they can it's not like it's one unit not at all that's what's all this bath salt right yeah anything that that that will cause somebody to eat somebody else's face is now a bath salt, even though it really wasn't. He said that it was pot. It was pot. He was high on pot. How about the guy was...

He just had mad munchies, man. The guy was fucking unstable. That's it. And that doesn't make for a flashy news report, but... Well, imagine if pot really did do that to him. That pot would be worth millions. If he's like, listen, I know that dude ate that dude's face, but I wouldn did do that to him, that pot would be worth millions. And be like, listen, I know that dude ate that dude's face,

but I wouldn't do that. I want to know what that fucking Wolverine pot is like. Can you imagine? Maybe it would make a fucking idiot eat a guy's face, but I'm 100% fucking sure that there's not a drug in the world that you could give me that would change my mind

about eating a dude's face. You know? There's only so high that you can get and still be conscious. Like, Jesus Christ, you weak bitch. You didn't fight off the urge at all. You just decided to eat that guy's face. But what if they...

But, I mean, there's drugs that could turn that guy's face into a candy bar or something that's equally more... as delicious. Well, I'm not sure. I think when candy bars start screaming don't eat my face,

it's me, Mark. They're not saying that. They're saying it feels like you're hugging me with your tongue. That's what they say when you're tripping out. While they're screaming

as you chew his eyeballs out. I think you're silly. It's a unicorn giggling like it's being tickled. There's no way you could be so high that you would have tripped my balls.

I've been so high that I thought I was a molecule in the cushion of my own couch and I was swimming through my couch cushion. Yeah I thought my hands were diamonds. Yeah but that's because

you were just closing your eyes and fantasizing. You weren't involved in a life or death struggle with a guy's face in your teeth. Right, but I also wasn't snorting bath salts or taking this crazy sativa or whatever. You said it was pot. Yeah, I don't know about that. Maybe you just got that pot. Well, bitch, if pot was legal, you wouldn't have that kind of pot. Nobody would want it.

Arrowhead is, you know, did you have you used arrowhead to figure out something like you're going to take and how it's going to affect you or to do research on chemicals because it's the only reason i've ever tried anything in my life yeah it's very well documented yeah it's i mean there's so many different substances you could research there too it's shit you would never even think of morning glory seeds and you know san pedro cactus and you know how people prep prepared it and i don't know how the fuck they get away with it but it's amazing it's amazing uh website and even for documenting things that are that are still legal yeah i wonder if the owner of that website's just shit and bricks every day just lives in hollywood or something maybe they live somewhere liberal

where you can get away with more it It's just so gross how fucking stomped down we are here. Especially in the idea of drugs. You know, the idea of you volunteering to do something to your body and that being a possibility. Just that thought of you making that decision. It's a possibility of you getting caught in the process

of it and locked in a cage for a long fucking time. Depending on what different thing you decided you're going to ingest and what color you are as well yeah and what's your economic status it's really it's disgusting it's so systematic it's fucking it's disgusting it's embarrassing and you embarrassingly stupid in a world where you can go to cvs you have it's slave labor it's legalized slave labor and especially because the institutions are now privatized and it's such a big industry that lobbies. It's privatized.

It's slavery. You ever go down that CVS or any drugstore? I shouldn't say that. Any drugstore that has one of those little mini supermarket type drugstores, you know what I mean, where they have like a little freezer section where they'll sell ice cream and things like that.

And then they have an alcohol lane. And it's a lane, dude, of hardcore shit. And any one of those bottles, you drank the whole thing, you're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. And people have done it.

People have done it all the time. People die of alcohol poisoning all the time. It's not as many as people die from probably drunk driving accidents. I mean, that's probably. But it's, that's probably But it's still alcohol related. The death of just drinking yourself to death. That's super possible. You know, people do that all the time. It's ridiculously easy to

do. It's so crazy. You just go to a store and it's right there. And pot is illegal. But people are having these conversations and maybe it's only because I'm choosing to dial in to the kind of people that have these conversations. But how long is it going to take? How many people have to have conversations like this

before there's actual change? People are crazy. There's so much money against it too. There's a lot of people that don't believe in drugs and yet they take Xanax. Do you know people like that? Yeah, they'll take Sativex. They'll take the the chemical

version of a sativ drug but they will not take the the one that the government has told them is illegal yeah i know a lady who takes xanax and she won't let her husband smoke pot she doesn't want her husband doing drugs in the house his bitches on xanax every night it's hilarious man it's hilarious they just they just pop it so maybe so do we need to lobby to to have that become illegal as well because deaths happen on that and people abuse it nope i think you should be able to take xanax all day exactly you enjoy it dom marrera enjoys xanax he takes xanax every day and he loves it and i love dom and if that's what makes him happy better living through chemicals go for it man keep giving him xana. I would never say that someone should not be able to do something.

It's just the things that become obvious, like meth. Does anybody have a good meth story? I mean, does anybody? Well, it's not a great one, but it's a good one. I didn't have my shit together, but fucking I got on meth. And let me tell you something, dude. I really looked at my whole world with clarity and purpose, and I threw out all the negative people in my life,

and I started running every morning. No, it leads to you in your basement with chemicals, like bins of chemicals. And you're just fucking, you're mixing break fluid in a friend's bathtub. You're running outside, coughing up blood.

You got bloodshot eyes and yeah, you're out of your mind. But if you happen across one of them billboards, you will turn your life around. You're trying to buy 1500 boxes of cold serum in a row. Listen, I get really bad allergies. Listen, I'm going to need 400 boxes of Sudafed if that's cool. No, you don't look sketchy, dude.

You bring your own brown box to CVS. Excuse me, sir. You're scratching your own neck off. Could you just be careful? There's a lot of neck under your fingernails. I mean, how many people in rural Texas where they're just making crazy meth labs, how many people have in the past walked into a drugstore and just pulling fucking... Enough to where I have to show my ID if I want some Claritin because I'm feeling a little stuffy.

Enough people have done that to where I have to prove that I'm not going to make meth with an over-the-counter product. You have people have done that. Isn't that amazing? To where I have to prove that I'm not going to make a meth with an over-the-counter product. You have to show your ID. Isn't that amazing? And isn't it amazing that that's the drug you hear about? One of my wife's friends was talking about the small town where she lives in Seattle. And you go to this website where they talk about the town. There's websites for every town, like message boards, what you,

what you think about this area. All anyone says in any of these rural places is meth. It'd be great if we didn't have so much fucking meth. I mean, there's meth all over the place. You can keep away from the meth people. Right. Like if you go into small areas,

like small, shitty, you know, low income communities, boom, you got meth. Yeah. It's like, it's cheapest, boom. You got meth. Cheapest, easiest, there you go. But it's amazing how bad it sucks.

It's an epidemic. It's amazing how bad it sucks. Can you imagine if they focused all their time on just meth? Because there's no positive meth reasons. Instead of fucking with all these marijuana people, just spend that resource to go just after meth. Here's the difference.

Did you ever watch a Cheech and Chong movie? Yeah. Of course you did, right? Now, have you ever watched an episode of Breaking Bad? Yeah. Now, in which show is someone more likely to get fucking shot in the face? Right, right. Breaking Bad.

You deal with meth people, you deal with violence and craziness. Even better then. If you show up at some pot place that's a dispensary, a cannabis care dispensary, and you come on guns blazing with bulletproof vests on, you know you're not going to get fragged. Right. You're going to trip over someone doing yoga and eating quinoa. Did you see that shit in Long Beach where the cops were stepping on the dude when he was down? Stepping on his neck when he was down and then busting the security camera?

Yeah, yeah. Really? Like you could make – I hate – it's totally illegal i like to believe we live in a society where oh you know like video was supposed to release everything and end every ounce of controversy and look there's proof here's the videotape and all it has done is lead to arguments over context and how interpretation of those videos i disagree there has definitely been a lot of arguments but god damn is it fixed a lot it shit. It's brought a lot to light and you know

just like this I totally get that but I'm just shocked at the amount of that analyzing that can go on when it gets in the way. Like some people

were saying well look the guy was probably trying to resist and pull back which is why it looks like he is that's why he stepped

on his neck he was just in the thing. How do you justify breaking the security camera? There's no justification for that whatsoever. That young man wasn't resisting at all. He didn't do anything. And it was kind of creepy.

And I don't want to bring race into it, but I have to. When a white guy steps on the neck of a down black man, that's like, what? First of all, you did that to my son. I'd beat your ass, right? You fat fuck. You're just stepping on some kid's neck. For what? Because that's your job today?

That's nothing in your job description. You're a piece of shit. You're not threatened by this person in any way, shape, or form. You might as well be walking into a fucking cigarette store. It's no different. And that jackbooted thug behavior, there's no way that should ever be

tolerated by any person who's a member of the police force because the police is supposed to be us it shouldn't be us versus them it shouldn't be it should be the cops should be thinking about their job is to protect their community that's what it really should be to observe the laws to protect their community when they start doing shit like that you're not protecting nothing you fake piece of shit you're just being a cunt you're not in danger you know that's not a criminal that's some kid who's a volunteer he wasn't even getting paid he was trying to figure out how to how the business worked and you know he's getting out of college be fucking douchebags big boot to his neck disgusting stepped on him man he stepped on him when he was down stepped Stepped on his back and then his neck.

Just decided to step on him. He could do whatever the fuck he wanted to him. He was his. And then there will be an equally as loud chorus saying that man was working in a drug operation. And he was clearly a criminal. And it's their job to squash down those types. I bet that fat guy didn't train. I bet that guy that walked on that guy's neck and back never trained in his life.

I bet he's never been humbled in a gym. I bet he's never had a tap out. I bet he's never done rounds. You fat fuck. Dummy. Or maybe he was picked on all his life and that's why he decided to grab a badge and a belt. Could be.

Probably not. Probably just didn't have a lot of options. So fucking stupid. It's so stupid. Such a gross thing. That guy should, he should either like sincerely apologize and do something about it

or he should be fired. There's no way you should be a cop with that kind of attitude. And what's crazy, like my brother's a cop. So I get a crazy amount of perspective from him on it. And I'd like to believe he's one of the great ones,

not a good one. But there's no justifying that. There's no making that situation in that video right. There's just none. I support cops 100%. I almost always do. I think it's a really fucking hard job, and I think they're under pressure all the time,

and they're asked to perform in these crazy situations and abide by the law when their own life is in danger. Because of their job, their own life is in danger because of their job their own life is in danger i'm a big supporter of cops but i think two things first of all i think they don't get paid enough i think it should be a much more difficult job to get it should be a prestigious job we should respect them they should be an honored part of our community we should we should look at them like what they are though they're heroes that's what they should be but instead they're not paid enough they're treated like shit they are. They're heroes. That's what they should be. But instead, they're not paid enough.

They're treated like shit. They're treated like shit in the media. They're treated like shit by people. And so they develop an attitude, an us versus them attitude. And it's just an unfortunate part of psychology. Teachers develop that attitude as well. There's a lot of teachers out there that started with noble aspirations until they realized what $35,000 a year actually pays for. And after a while, they get angry.

They get bummed out about it. I think there should be positions in our society that are revered. And being a police officer is one of them. And being a teacher is also one of them. You can be hippie all you want, man. But guess what? Everybody doesn't play by the fucking rules. And you need cops.

You need cops and you need guns, period. There's no way you're going to keep bad people out of the system unless you have cops. They should be an honored, respected part of our society. So when they see something like this, they should fucking do something about it sincerely. It shouldn't be... Instead of that thin blue line cover-up,

here's suspended with pay, and we're going to review, and it's bullshit. They should be out right they should be more outraged about it than we are it's a cunt it's a cunt move maybe you had a shit day maybe the kid said something to him stupid but you shouldn't do that man shouldn't do that especially because you shouldn't be there anybody who's going to raid a dispensary should be forced to smoke a joint first and just because i'll tell you if you're nice and stoned you're not going to step on a dude's neck you're going to be neck That's a great line Guys you shouldn't be here

It's so wrong It's such an easy collar too It's really embarrassing And most of the cops guarantee you They're not wanting to do this This is upper management Whoever the fuck is in charge of making these decisions It's numbers man

It's all numbers Get your arrests up Get your quota up Make sure people are going to jail Because we built more jails And we need to fill the jails. It's all numbers. It's incredible that we try to call ourselves a free country.

How dare we? Yeah. I mean, look. Fucking subjected. We're free enough to be able to say this in a room at this time on the internet. That's it. We got that amount of freedom. That's really it, I think.

Yeah. You can't have a free country that makes as much money as we do. You really can't. Because the only way you can make as much money as we do as a, I mean, as a whole, as a country, is like you got to fucking dominate all the parts of the world that have all the good shit. And if you don't get the good shit from them, you know, like what, how are you, how are you going to, how are you going to run things? You got to, you got to run things, man. We got to have a lot of fucking fossil fuels.

We got to have a lot. It's almost like you can't be like really cool and run a country like America. It's like it would never happen if everybody was. No one wants to hang out with the cool guy. They want to hang out with the guy who has the lithium. They want to make some batteries. We never subjected anybody to any negativity at all. There was none of the negativity associated with our law enforcement.

None of the negativity that you saw in that video. None of the negativity when it comes to siding with alcohol over natural drugs. None of that. If you took away all that, then, you know. I gotta be honest. My asshole post puckered so tight

as those police sirens were coming by. They started crying. I was like, fuck, they zeroed in on our IP address and i'm gonna have to stand up and ask if i'm being detained and then i'm gonna get maced and fuck i feel like getting a speed ticket is gonna turn into an occupy protest for me every time i hear a siren it's like tragic it gets worse right yeah and it should have gotten better yeah we should have figured out a way to make it better but instead with the age of information it seems like they're tightening down it's like becoming more and more absurd but just wait till there's uavs flying into this room in formation with the camera in your face just letting them know that they're listening

because you've triggered the key word yeah sativa hello that's all weird it's gonna happen florida's already made commitments to putting drones everywhere i think there there's and i'm blanking on the gentleman uh there's a senator who's trying to get legislation passed to make it illegal for drones to be used to surveil citizens without a warrant. Oh my God.

And that is exactly the kind of protections we need to go for. Yeah, but you really, they're going to have stealth drones, they're going to have bugs, they're going to have fake bugs everywhere. Well, if they certainly got them now,

like if you believe in smart dust, you could have stepped in something that relayed your location in certain keywords. Ken, is it possible to run an empire and do it while being nice? You're doing it. Is it possible?

You're doing it. You don't want to screw the... Well, Onnit is a supplement company. It's way more simple. Right now, and in five years, it's the empire. It's the cult. I'm signing up. Cult of Onnit, you down?

I'm on it, bro. Get on it, yeah. Is it possible To run America And be like And not have Jackbooted thugs Raid dispensaries And not have

Privatized prisons And not have Ridiculous Checkpoints And you know Is it possible To do that Yeah I don't

I think it is I mean I think I think you can still Manipulate markets The way that they do And I think you can still Just allow them that i think yeah like i think you can do that but still yeah but give us enough freedom to where i don't have to have my balls you know fondled to fly to vegas or not go through a police checkpoint or let me smoke my pot like you can you can

manipulate the whole libor scandal that is beyond me right now what is that the london interbank offering rate it's like it dwarfs our little scandal that we had here in what 2008 2006 what is their scandal so their scandal is it's a little tangential to the notion of running the country but so their scandal essentially um boils down to um uh barclays uh was the biggest they have all these emails and stuff they the the interbank offering rate is the percentage at which banks will lend each other money. Lend each other money, right? And there's trillions of dollars in the market that is indexed against that rate. Your home loan is probably indexed against it at some point, right?

Tons of markets trade on it. And to get that number, the banks call two guys and they report, yeah, we're lending money at 4.3 today. Great. All the banks call in and there's like an index of 20 of those numbers that are averaged out from all the banks. And what they did is they manipulated that rate. They colluded. They called each other. They would email each other and say, we need the LIBOR index number to go up by like a quarter of a percentage point. So they would all report numbers that were lower or higher than what they were lending money to each other on. It's convoluted, I know. But what it would do is that

in a day, they could bet against the Libor number going up or going down. So they could place bets on that, manipulate it themselves, and in a day make millions upon millions of dollars just by manipulating this. And with every manipulation, your mortgage might go up. Your credit score could go down. It could affect so many things internationally. Wow. And it's been for years. How long did they do this for?

There's emails that show that it's been going on for like 12 to 15 years years but there's some people that are saying it might have been going on in the early 90s and it was a total honor system reporting this number there's no transparency so all these banks got together and said it'd be like so it's like they just decided we're all gonna stay rich yeah yeah we're gonna artificially inflate and deflate this number to manipulate the market to fuck with you but it's gonna give us millions and millions and millions of dollars. And that's what they've been doing for years. And it's out in the open. And yet, I mean, Barclay's got a slap on the wrist.

Like a $100 million fine or $300 million fine. That's it? It's nothing in comparison to what they made. That's the problem with punishments of these crimes. You talk about that poor guy in that dispensary is probably going to go to jail for six months, right? And get his neck stepped on. These guys pay $300 million for making potentially trillions of dollars

over the course of 15 years and no one does any jail time or anything. Whenever there's big money, man, there's big craziness. Now, you know about this Dr. Drew situation where Dr. Drew

became a part of an investigation because they... Who was it that... Wait, Dr. Drew? Dr. Drew? Pharm because they – who was it that – Wait, Dr. Drew? Dr. Drew? Pharmaceutical settlement. What was the giant pharmaceutical settlement that just happened? It was several billion dollars.

Was it Yasmin? Whatever it was. Dr. Drew apparently was involved. Dr. Drew was recommending certain drugs that they were asking him to recommend. They gave him $200,000. $279,000, allegedly. Somewhere in that range. Crazy.

They do that to most doctors anyways. Doctors are incentivized to sell certain drugs over other drugs. Pharmaceutical companies do that all the time or send them on retreats. Yeah, but when you're a guy who's on TV recommending treatments and stuff, and you're getting paid to recommend those treatments, I'm like, wow, that's a crazy blurry area because it seems to me like they paid you to say some things you might not have said right he's gonna say i wouldn't have said it if i didn't believe in the product and i you know i didn't believe in any of that that money did not affect my opinion whatsoever

it didn't sway me one way but that's tragic because i want to believe like dr drew was one of those guys that that is not supposed to have any scandal. He was supposed to be the one good guy, right? He was supposed to be the good guy. As long as his penis works, man, it's very unlikely that he keeps it together. He's a good guy, man. He really is. I've loved him.

Every time I've met him, I'm like, I want to believe you're real. I want to believe in your magic. Don't be a David Blaine on me. Well, his stance on marijuana has always been pretty silly. Yeah. We talked about it so much yesterday that we can't really go in. We had Tommy Chong on the podcast yesterday. Oh, yeah.

Of course, there was massive amounts of weed talk. I have a question, Joe. Yeah. When he was talking about heroin, did you think in your head, wow, that's really good detail? You know, like, it's like. Well, he said he didn't do it. It was really odd.

Yeah. Tommy Chong or Dr. Drew? Tommy Chong. Dr. Drew. I saw Dr. Drew tying off in a bathroom. Imagine if Dr. Drew said, listen, I shouldn't be talking shit about these drugs until I do them all. So he just goes on a show. And that's his, no, Dr. Drew gets high.

And see if Dr. Drew is the same guy after a month of ayahuasca, ibogaine, eating pot brownies, mushrooms. Dr. Drew's third eye. Yeah. Every five days, Dr. Drew would go on a cleansing ritual and eat nothing but fruit. So much better than like supersize me. Vegetables. For 30 days, DMT and kale. Good luck, Dr. Drew.

We'll see you on the other side. Every five days, he does a new trip. And we do a whole season of this. And in between, he's doing yoga. He's eating really healthy. It's a $2 CPM right there. That fucking show would be awesome. Could you imagine if you could get Dr. Drew to do all non-lethal psychedelic drugs if he agreed to it?

And he has to do it with the Octomom. Oh, now you fucked up the show, man. That's Sweeps Week. Give him Sweeps Week. I don't want to see the octomom on acid. Can you imagine the octomom examining her life? Did you guys watch her porn? Dude, she had such a nice tight pussy.

It was really... I didn't watch it. I had no desire to. She either got it really fixed. I don't think the babies came out that way. Yeah, but didn't she have a ton of other kids already? So none of her kids, I guess? I don't know.

That whole thing just makes me incredibly sad. I'll watch tentacle train rape from Japan, no problem, but I don't want to see the Octomon vagina. Well, tentacle train rape ain't real. That's like telling me Santa's not real. Fuck you. How dare you do this to me? It is real. That's real, and that backroom

casting couch is real as well. All that shit's real. When I say it's real, it's not real, rather. I mean, it's magic. But it's real. I mean, it exists. Thank you. It's fucking hot. Thank you.

Can you imagine if that really became something you really wanted to actually be next to? Like if there was a real giant octopus thing that could fuck women and you would watch the whole thing? I would purposely go to Shibuya and take the Yamanote line in the hopes that i would see that tentacle monster yep while these school girls line up on a bridge hoping the octopus chooses them weeping softly with pixelated genitals imagine there was a spot in the world where there was an octopus and it had like a hand of dildos and it would just pick people up and fuck them in front of everybody. Turns out that's what the Loch Ness Monster really is. Just a bunch of dick arms under the sea,

and anybody that happens to be snorkeling on by... Picks up Japanese chicks and fingerpags them in front of everybody. I mean, that's... That sounds like a Japanese amusement park. It's no stranger than lampreys that cling to the bottom of sharks and eat the particles of food that they leave behind See the video of the the clam today that was surrounded by salt and was using its clammy innards to move around a table And it looks like a like a human tongue coming out of the in between. Have you can you pull that up? Do you have that?

It's so bizarre looking and that's apparently how they navigate they don't have eyes or nose or anything So they use their tongue to sort of navigate around. And then we boil them. We steam those bitches. Garlic on them. They're delicious. Linguine and clams. How great is it to be on the top of the food chain? It's pretty goddamn good. That's why I like that show Mountain Men. It reminds me that we're

on the top. Alright, just waiting for this commercial. You ever see that show? No. It's Mountain Men. It's my new favorite show. Like bearded prospector types? Yeah, three different dudes living in the mountains. One dude lives in Alaska, leaves his family,

goes on a bush plane, flies three hours to his traps and he runs his traps for three months, just kills little animals and comes back. I want to see the Mountain Man

wrestle this guy. Oh, this is the clam? Yeah, wait till you see this madness. Did they put the salt out so that it would move along the salt? Some people have said, yeah, that's what it's doing. Yo, this ain't real. You don't think this is real?

No, I don't. Oh, I want to believe in this so bad. I don't think it's real. This is as real to me as those tentacles. I like it in the way it's moving around the... If your fleshlight did this, you'd be all about it. I'm not buying this. Look at that.

I don't know why I'm not buying this. What do you think? It's a viral for Internet Explorer 10? I don't know. Who would do a viral like this? I think this is the Octomom video. There it is. Clams, they don't have to be in the water?

They don't have to breathe water? No, they do. They have to be in salt water. Do they have to breathe it? This clam is dying a slow death you're watching you're watching its last minutes how long do you think it takes this is by the way slam snuff porn is a viable internet fetish yeah it's pretty hot maybe it's real maybe it's real i it seemed fake to me does anybody own snuffy clams um i don't maybe maybe it is. The salt on the table looks pretty real.

The way it licked it up, the movement was good. There wasn't a lot of pixelation around the opening of the clam, which is a telltale. It just seemed fake. And if that is fake, bravo. I love it. Oh yeah, absolutely. Isn't that crazy now? The video has

gotten so good and so easily edited that you can look at anything and go, that's probably fake. They're getting really close with Game of Thrones with the animals. That's the first time wolves look like real wolves because they usually look so fake it blows the whole thing, the fake animal. I can only dream wolves if I'm watching Game of Thrones because I fall asleep the moment that show comes on. Really?

Cannot do it. Why? I don't know. I tried. Game of Snores. I got all excited. I put it on. I was like, here snores. I got all excited. I put it on. I was like, here we go.

You need to go to a doctor. I've heard that from many people, though. I heard you just have to get through it. Oh, you guys are crazy. But check this out. I got hooked the first episode. Joe, look at this. You guys can suck it.

This is going to freak you out. If you guys haven't seen Black Mirror, that's what you guys need to watch. Okay. Look at this. This is going to freak you out. This is a clam. Oh, wow. Oh, that's real.

Yeah, that's clammy parkour right there. It's a clam moving around. Using its tongue to push around. What a shit life clams are. Clams must have been really cunty in the last life. Who knows? Maybe that clam is fucking loving life right now. That's what we used to call really cunty girls in Boston.

It was tough to call chicks cunts back then. Cunt had a lot more power back then. If you called a chick a cunt back in 1980, you were ready to fight. You had to go to war. So they weren't cunts, they were clams. I grew up in New England, so whenever a girl was really shitty, like, ah, she's a fucking

clam. It was always a clam. And just like you think, if you were a clam in this life and you came back as a clam, you're just some shithead. Because you guys decided to start calling him that too, which is great. I mean, like Hitler. If Hitler came back as a clam, you don't even deserve to be a person anymore. But we also say happy as a clam.

So maybe they're really loving it. No, they just have a big, wide, stupid face. So it looks like they're smiling. When they open up, it looks like they're smiling. Is that it? Yeah, that's what it is. That's not nearly as exciting. I like to believe that that clam is on a permanent trip right now maybe they are you know

maybe they they don't come until you eat them let's let's go crazy that's the only way to get a clam off is to kill it the best thing for them is to be eaten that's when they're truly happy until that happens they just they try to find you the only way they can give their love is if you eat them so your clam bake your clam bake is one wild orgy you have no idea it's a man mad come session especially especially oysters they don't come until you eat them you gotta chew them and eat them that's what they live for oysters it can't do oysters what I don't like the taste you just like I'm like you know she things in a row. When was the last time you'd done squats?

When was the last time guys got in arguments in a bar of, bro, you don't like oysters? I should rearrange your face. Have you laid off the power exercises since I've seen you? Have you backed off your cleans or anything? I'm completely out of the gym. Rehabbing with neon pink weights that are like three pound nylon weights at the gym. That's sexy.

Just fucked my shoulder up hardcore. Yeah, Kevin apparently got some dude to go a little bit, he got a little too crazy. I wouldn't. I got, it was crazy. I put on 12 pounds in three and a half, four and a half weeks of like really, like really dedicated supplements and everything,

but just destroyed my entire body over the course of that. Well, you have to take it slow. If you haven't been lifting your whole life, then all of a sudden you're, you know, you're doing fucking deadlifts and squats and course of that. Well, you have to take it slow. If you haven't been lifting your whole life, then all of a sudden you're doing fucking deadlifts and squats and everything like that. You got to build up to stuff like that. And were you doing them always with a trainer? Like was someone always showing you how to do it right?

Make sure your posture was right? The majority of the time, yes. But my problem was that I would convince myself that even if I was collapsing and passing out, clearly I wasn't trying hard enough. I could squat more or do more. So I got in my own head about it. All that effort would have been so better spent like in jiu-jitsu or something. No, realize that now.

I'm trying to get better so I can actually get into something that's more of a martial art. What is wrong with you physically? Just hurt my shoulder. Like completely fucked it up. Did you get an MRI? They didn't do the MRI. They did the x-ray and said that was good enough. And I tried to explain.

I don't think you can see what you need to see on it. Doing the rehab, I've gotten better. I was just cleared to go back to the gym. It's been a long fucking process. You were just cleared to be able to work out again? Do you have no more pain? At low weight, high rep, I'm pretty okay now. There's an awesome

shoulder exercise called a club bell. It's not a heavy weight exercise. I use 15 pound club bells i use them yeah and you know i've been doing them for a while and there's a lot of great exercises you can do with a 15 because it's a really weird offset thing like there's dudes that use like 45 pounders they're fucking savages these like giant wrestler dudes who can do them with these huge ones i can't fuck with those but 15 pounds believe it or not seems like a lot of a tiny amount of weight but is it explosive like over the head kind of thing

is it still on the scapular plane you're doing like these things called shield casting and all it is is like controlled movements of the shoulder and strengthens your joints it's very good for shoulders i feel like if i did that with a fishing weight right now i'd be okay but anything anything above like a watch battery i'm gonna destroy my shoulder just because it's that it's still that sensitive to overhead movements it sucks wow sucks still that sensitive yeah did you need to get an mri man probably you might have had what is that guy doing is that some is that what you're talking about that's something along those lines but there's something about the background that guy is that guy is warming up before he holds a woman against her will.

That's all that is. It looks like a worker at LAX when he goes home at night. You know, like one of those guys that flags in planes. Yeah, he's landing a plane right now. This is one that I do. That's one of the club bell exercises that I do. See those bells behind him or the clubs behind him? Yeah.

Those big ones, that's like strongman type shit. That's like stuff that like one of those Indian, have you ever seen like famous Indian wrestling? India is known for developing really powerful men and wrestlers I've only seen like the ladyboys that do the pole dancing that run up the large wooden pole

I wouldn't say they were ladyboys man I think that's pretty cool I wouldn't say that to their face Joe but to you I will they they were ladyboys, man. I think that's pretty cool. They're fucking ripped. I wouldn't say that to their face, Joe, but to you, I will. At a distance on a podcast. They look like ladyboys. I remember I went to Cirque du Soleil, and I've never felt more like a bitch. I mean, I work for the UFC, but no one in the UFC has a build like these fucking guys. When you see dudes doing a handstand holding another dude up in the air with one hand,

you're like, wait a minute. Get the fuck out of here. While 500,000 gallons of water pour on them from the ceiling and there's lights in their eyes and they're just holding a stoic pose and it's their third show that night they're so strong insane i mean they must be all on roids there's no way there's no way you could do that and not all be just you think so you think like cirque du soleil is juicing pretty hardcore you imagine like i you know what i need drug testing in Cirque du Soleil. I don't want to watch some juice heads holding each other up.

I want to know. It's disingenuous to the sport of acrobatic dancing. It's the whole thing. It's wrong. It's not supposed to be about steroids. And it's not fair. You and I want to compete on that level with them. We want to be Cirque dancers, but we don't want to have to juice.

That's not fair. I mean, you have to hold a lot of dudes over your head to get built like those guys i'm not saying they juice because you can't get that big without juicing i had a friend who was a total natural bodybuilder and he was fucking huge and you would swear that this guy did steroids he never did anything he's 100 natural just obsessed and worked out like a maniac and was enormous. But it is possible. Sure. It's just really hard to do. It's super hard to do.

So most people assume, especially for certain body types, certain body types, it's impossible. You know, like extreme ectomorphs. You ever met like really thin people with incredibly thin faces and thin hands? Yeah. Those folks have a really hard time putting on weight. And most of us are combinations of an ectomorph, an endomorph, you know, a little bit of mesomorph. Sure.

We're a slight combination. But people who are extreme ectomorphs, like, man, those people are, that's a tough, it's tough to try to get strong. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like, I wonder how much genetics plays into my own ability to go down that path.

Well, for sure you went too hard too quick. Well, clearly. Yeah, clearly. I mean, I realized that this was completely my error. But I wonder, dedicated doing it properly, how much change you can actually see. You can do a lot of change. You've just got to be healthy. You've got to make sure you get a lot of sleep.

You've got to make sure you do the power exercises. But you've got to make sure before you do any of that, then you build a base. People that have never worked out before. I thought 10 years of playing Quake World competitively, capture the flag, I thought that was enough of a base to get into the gym and go into beast mode, but it wasn't. Dude, Quake 1, capture the flag, good times.

I used to set up a tub. I don't know if I told you this before. I used to set up a tub of margarine next to my keyboard. I would get a loaf of fresh French bread on the way home, and then would get instant mashed potatoes with gravy and put that bowl next to it. And so I would be playing Team Fortress or Wolfenstein or whatever. I would sit down, play, click, click, click, break off bread,

dip it in the margarine, then dip that in the mashed potatoes and gravy and eat that, and that was my dinner for weeks on end. Oh, my God. You ruined your body just doing that. Oh, man, beefcake. Beefcake. Beefcake. Beefcake. Beefcake. Beefcake.

Beefcake. Years and years of that shit. Did you notice a difference in your body from that, from eating that? Well, I mean, no. There was no different. There was nothing to compare it to because I was always a chubby kid. I was constantly eating and internetting. That was my life.

So now I have something to compare it to. So now I want to swing it in that other direction so when you started to work out did you just immediately dive into it full blast I was probably about 20, 21 years old when I was like I need to change this I had lost a little bit of weight

but I was like I need to change this and so off of like three Google searches I created the ultimate workout regimen which was nothing but a small piece of chicken and white rice for three know three times a day and running you know two to three miles in the morning and two to three miles at night every single day for about six weeks

and lost a shit ton of weight got dangerously thin developed a body image disorder killed my knees from running running running did you kept saying to girls you think think I'm fat, don't you? What? No, I would say that to like guys in chat rooms.

Mostly. Like, no, would you fuck me IRL? Really? So what, IRL? LOL? LOL. What is the,

by the way, cut the shit with the LOLs when you're not really LOLing. You know? Yeah. At the movies, no parking, LOL. No, but it's become a throwaway.

It's become, okay, that was amusing, LOL. But I go with a, heh. Yeah. Like a heh needs to be the LOL. like if you're really laughing out loud fucking mean it yes this is my this is my podium i'm sorry i don't have to make this show a platform so you put together this this god awful routine so you look just from youtube clips and from yeah it was just like googling like uh you know literally like how to get in shape how to lose weight you know the best thing is folks if you really want to join don't even join a gym okay you really want to work out make yourself work out at home make yourself because if you

really want to work out you will fucking work out at home make yourself work out at home for one month and if after one month you're still doing it then waste your money on the gym yep because how many people join a fucking gym and then just never go? And if you join and try to quit, they make it the most impossible process. It's like trying to quit the army. Go fuck yourself. You are locked for life. A month to month. Well, you got to talk to Pat, the supervisor, who gives you a form to fill out, to mail to some place, to get a confirmation.

Well, how about the creepiness where they actually take the money out of your account every month? The auto debit. What? That's how we want to do it? What? I usually cancel my gym membership when my credit card expires. That's what just happened to me at LA Fitness. I was like, ah, it's got like six months left. I'll let it run out. It's going to be quite a week's worth of work to cancel it.

I'll just let it go. But if you have a wall in your house, you can get a workout. I don't know. You got a door, you got a gym. Yeah, well, for real, if you have a wall, because I would say it's the only thing you need is you need to be able to prop your feet up on something

so you can do handstand push-ups. Everything else you can do on the ground. You can do push-ups on the ground. You can do tricep extensions. You can do a form of dips with a chair. If you don't have a chair, go fuck yourself. Do pyramid push-ups. There's chairs in the world.

You can find a bench. If you can hear this podcast, you can find a wall and there's chairs in the world you can find a bench if you can hear this podcast you can find a wall and a bench out in the world just bodyweight squats one of the biggest exercises I do

we've talked about it a bunch of times is Hindu squats I do 200 of them when I do my strength and conditioning workout it's fucking brutal man it's like

I'm in pretty good shape I do jujitsu on a regular basis I kickbox on a regular basis I stay in shape I keep working I do jujitsu on a regular basis. I kickbox on a regular basis. I stay in shape. I keep working out. These 200 fucking bodyweight squats kick my ass like almost nothing.

It's like because the first one is easy. The second one is easy. You hit 10, no problem. 20, I'm feeling it a little, but I can see the finish line. And then once you get around 100 you're like holy fuck where your knees are buckling and shaking like a seismic earthquake on the way down because your muscles can't do it you got 100 to go yeah 100 to go oh but it's uh it's an incredible workout for your legs my legs have never been stronger i feel like i'm on springs all the time like when

i do my kickboxing workouts i have much more power in my legs. My ability to move, it seems like I can move easier. I can get away from things. It's the real way to strengthen your legs. The real way is not really lifting giant shit over and over again. That puts so much pressure on your back and your joints. The real way to strengthen your legs

is bodyweight squats. It's crazy how good that shit works. If you really want to get big, squats really do work. Anything where you really load up on heavy weights and the deadlifts and stuff. Because even though bodyweight squats

will strengthen your legs and make your legs a little bit bigger, you're never going to get those ridiculous powerlifter thighs. Well, there was a moment where I thought, oh, that's what I want to go for. Powerlifter? Yeah, like the powerlifting physique

and regimen. Because training in short bursts like that was really easy for me. Like I liked that notion of just give it all for five reps and you're done kind of thing. Right. But now I realize I just need to be confident enough to leap over a puddle on the way out of my car.

Like I don't have enough command of my body that I like, I play Frisbee and I'm like, I'm probably going to roll my ankle. I got to be careful now, guys. Like it's that bad. I went golfing and my elbow hurt. Like- Oh no. Yeah, just, you know, you know you don't need to well just for maintenance alone i think it's it's so important to work out just to keep everything moving and not atrophying because you

see certain people get to a certain age and like you look at them and then you look at some jack the lane type character that just kept working out when he was that same age look how much more mobility he had. It's almost like you're investing in making sure your car works. Because if your car doesn't work, you're fucking stranded. Well, if your body starts to shit out when you're 40 or 50 or whatever, a lot of that can be avoided. And the way it can be avoided is to make sure you keep it up.

Keep it working. Keep lifting weights. Keep going to the gym. Keep eating right. Keep working on your cardio. You have to do it.'s not it's not an option like for too many people it's like i'd like to get to the gym but gosh some of the time it should you shouldn't even be living your life with that in consideration it should be a staple it should be a staple along with it i mean you

want to be healthy i mean you should be able to do whatever the fuck you want to do but if you want to be healthy you got to have your body healthy i really believe that yeah just i don't see how you can have like real happiness with an imbalanced body a body that's fucking up on you i wholeheartedly agree i mean i think the the key in life for everything is just balance right that's all it is so your physical your physical being you're it's with you every day it's your vehicle it's your vessel so day. It's your vehicle. It's your vessel. So how can you be balanced work and home life or whatever if you're not balancing the physical portion of your being? And even if it's just going on hikes, man.

Sure. Just go on a hike. You don't have to go to a gym. I used to go hiking when I lived in Colorado, man. Fucking hikes will kick your ass, man, especially at altitude. You're walking up the side of a hill. That's a real workout. It's a nice cardiovascular workout. You feel good when it's over your body's designed to do it from years

and years and years of programming you're hungrier some dudes love cutting wood man you know i remember um george foreman was the first fighter that i ever saw that we would cut wood as a part of his workouts because back then when people were lifting weights it's like a lot of fighters didn't lift weights back then and like especially like in the 1980s like nobody ever really lifted weights when mike tyson came along mike tyson had a crazy physique but what most people don't know it was all chin-ups and push-ups and he he was just a thick dude a thick dude who was in you know impeccable condition and he really wasn't like a big weightlifter. But then Evander Holyfield came along. And Evander Holyfield was the first guy that showed that there's benefits to lifting weights.

Because all those guys before then, they were all training. They would do like a bodybuilding workout. Then they'd go to the gym and they couldn't move their arms because they were sore. And they'd get beat up. So the trainer would tell them, well, hey, that fucking weightlifting slowed you down. Slowed you down, Rock. That's not what it is. The guy's sore. It's going to make you faster, for sure. We know

that now. If you're used to throwing an extra hundred pounds with that arm, when you're not throwing it, you're going to go a little faster. It's going to hit a little harder. But the olden days, man. But splitting wood, that's brilliant. I see the CrossFit stuff where they're pushing tractor tires up hills. That's their entire workout.

That's crazy. Foreman used to pull trucks. Yeah. He would pull rather a Jeep. He would have a Jeep behind him. He would push it and pull it. He would strap himself to a thing. Nobody else was doing that back then.

When George Foreman was doing that, he was doing crazy shit. Separating the fat from the meat when you grill it. That's the kind of crazy shit Foreman was up to. Did he do that? I don't even know if he did that. The grill? Well, I know his grill. Yeah.

I'm saying I don't think he used that. But I'm saying that's how ingenious he is, man. That dude made a ton of money off that grill. Oh my god, way more than getting punched in the face. That man made a lot more money off of a plastic dorm, you know, like chicken and steak cooker. He was an amazing human being.

What he accomplished was very rare. When he was 36 years old, after like, he got beat up by Muhammad Ali in Africa. It was the most humiliating defeat. He wasn't the same after that. I think he fought Ron Lyle. If I can take a step back, was he

expected to win at all? Yes. Oh, he was. They thought it was, this fight, the fight was such a one-sided mismatch in most people's eyes that Hunter S. Thompson flew to Africa and didn't go to the fight. Instead, he took acid and wore a Nixon mask and swam around in the pool. And it was a huge disaster for Hunter's career because he was supposed to turn this story into Rolling Stone. Muhammad Ali winds up beating George Foreman, and he wasn't even there.

Right. He's tripping in the shallow end. He missed the entire fight. So Ali just ran a clank on him. It wasn't like you could say, hey, man, can you guys give me a USB drive so I can actually watch the fight and do my job and tell the story? He couldn't even do that. There was nothing. So Hunter, it was a huge failure. Because he was a

Muhammad Ali fan and he didn't want to watch Muhammad Ali get destroyed. Even Muhammad Ali fans didn't want to watch that fight. Because Ali was in the twilight of his career. He had taken those three years off and really was never the same guy again. He was never the same as when he was before they took the title away from him. When he came back, he became more of a guy who would stand in front of you

and take punches until you got tired than be, you know, rope-a-dope strategy, which he used on Foreman. And after Foreman, after Frazier had dropped him, and Frazier beat him in the first fight to sort of unify the title. After that, most people thought that Muhammad Ali was just not quite as good as he used to be and sort of a step down, and he was slowly starting to fade away. So George Foreman beat the fucking shit out of Joe Frazier. I mean, it was a brutal KO.

And it was one of those brutal KOs where he hit Foreman or Foreman rather hit Frazier and picked him up in the air with his punch. He did like a little skip. The super punch out star appears above his head. Brian, pull it up because it's so weird. Pull up Foreman versus Frazier KO. It's, oh, another run time

error? Yeah. No problem. It's run time. Hey, don't worry about it. It says the power's off, Brian. Is this power thing working? Uh-oh. Is this thing on? This podcast is brought to you by technology. There it goes.

All right, it's charging now. Anyway, he hit Frazier, and he hit him so fucking hard. Is this the whole fight or just the KO? Oh, the Wolves are beating the Pistons. That sucks. This was 1969, son. Yeah. You've got to watch how hard Foreman hits him.

Foreman's a little bit tense-looking. And Joe Frazier, by the way, tagged for him a bunch of times. Joe Frazier's a bad motherfucker. It's weird watching these guys, isn't it? He needs to take them to the ground. He's losing the stand-up game. He's really not trying to keep Frazier off with that jab. Frazier has such a crazy style.

He's bobbing and weaving and winging punches You know All I can think of is the damage that's done With each little tap to the brain Over the years and years and years Here's when Foreman starts landing on him Look how hard he hits He hits so hard

He hits you and just changes everything He would like Throw his whole body into it. There's so much power in his punches. And he was a good boxer, too. A surprisingly good boxer. The reason why he was able to land those punches, he was very unorthodox in the way he would box.

He would push guys off a lot. See how he's doing that? Yeah, just pawing them back. He was pushing them off. Get away from me. Don't get inside. And then he would plot at you with a jab. But then when he knew that you were going to be there, that's when he would wing the big ones, like right there.

Yeah. See, most of them are short punches. Like his jab is a nice short jab. There's the uppercut. Oof. But watch when he gets up. Foreman had ridiculous power, man. Watch how hard he hits him when he gets up.

He's literally going to go in the air. Watch how hard he hits him when he gets up. He's literally going to go in the air. Watch this shit. Ooh. Look at this. I saw him go for it right there. Oh, my God. Oh. He's winging punches at him. Oh.

Nice jab, too. There's that uppercut. He's throwing the whole body behind it. Yeah, that jab is a fucking fence post. They went right to the body too. It's like getting telephone pulled in the face. And that was his big weapon as he got older too. Just slowly but surely he's just chipping away at Joe Frazier. It's like car accident, car accident.

He's being so smart. But the way he's boxing is so smart. Just keeping him off of the jab. I just see memories. Avoiding the hooks. And look, there's the shot. Oh my god, that uppercut was bad. And there's boom. Look at that run. Oh, Jesus.

There went his first bike ride. Oh! There went his first date. Oh, my God. There went his ability to control his bowels. That uppercut was incredible. They're going to keep this fight going. They didn't give a fuck in the 70s.

Did you want to get up, son? Put up your dukes. That's amazing. Now watch this. Oh, that's it. There we go. Now it continues. Dude, are you kidding me?

I mean, how hard does that guy hit? Go to sleep, sweet prince. So coming out of this fight, everybody thought, you you know what this guy is going to kill him right he's going to kill ali like what did he do to frazier he did that to joe frazier that's what is that one round or two rounds i think that's the first round i think it's the first round so if he did that to frazier what the fuck is he going to do to ali he's going to stand in front of guys he takes shots he's got this rope-a-dope style. And he's three years coming back. Okay. He rope-a-doped the fuck out of George Foreman.

Did you ever see the stoppage? I'll pull that up, too. Pull up Ali Kaos Foreman because it was beautiful. It was one of the greatest moments in the history of sports. Nobody thought he was going to win. Nobody thought he was going to win. He goes to Africa. He's dancing and yelling.

He's got the whole crowd going, Ali, Boombay-yay, telling, like, Ali, kill him. The whole crowd is saying, Ali, kill him. Jesus. He's got everybody convinced that George Foreman is a fake, and he's with the white man. He just fucking, he just, he tortured him. He tortured him. And then when he got into the ring, man, he just fucking boxed him up. Boxed him up.

Moved around. Tired him out. And then when he finally got him tired, he connected. Ta-doom! Hit him with the right hand and put form it away it was crazy nobody believed it nobody believe people are going nuts people in america were fuckin screaming a job in the streets because shift he foreman represented something really scary

this big crazy black dude walked around with German Shepherds this is the KO was that a right there yeah Yeah, pull it back so you can see it. So for eight rounds, he beat the shit out of Muhammad Ali, dude. For eight rounds. This is the end of the fight. Looks like he's just winging arms out there. They're still clean.

Look at this. There's the distance. Boom! Look at that. Come on. I love that music, too. That's fantastic. Bruce Blitz, well done.

Is that from Ali's documentary? No. When we were kings? This is a Bruce Blitz creation, according to the watermark on the YouTube video. Oh, Bruce Blitz creation. Thanks, Bruce Blitz. Bruce Blitz, you fucking savage. So that's why everybody was going crazy.

They didn't expect him. Yeah, it was the beginning of the end of Hunter S. Thompson's literary career. He started kind of falling apart after that and became crazier and crazier, unfortunately. And you said that that was sort of the beginning of the end for Foreman as well. Yeah, that was when Foreman had one more fight after that, and I think he fought Ron Lyle. I think that's who he fought. But they had this crazy back-and-forth fucking crazy war,

and he got knocked down a couple of times. and just wasn't the same George Foreman. Ali took it from him. So then he retired. And then he became this priest and he became a preacher and found God's word and got fat as fuck. And then at 36 years of age, I think he'd been out fighting for 10 years. I think that's how long he'd been out. He just decides 300 plus pounds, fat as fuck, decides he's going to make a comeback.

And I remember reading about it and being a boxing fan going, wow, he's going to make a comeback. That's crazy. Yeah, good luck. That's all I was thinking. Good luck. Come on, George Foreman in the modern era. He's a giant fat guy. And then all of a sudden he just, like, kept losing weight.

And he kept beating people. And then he got to Jerry Co... not Jerry Cozzi, Jerry Cooney he got to Jerry Cooney and beat the fucking shit out of Jerry Cooney pull that up, Brian, pull George Foreman KO's Jerry Cooney I love YouTube, it's amazing

it's incredible, you can find that all on demand, edited, you can get the dubstep remix of that fight, actually pull that one up with the lasers when George Foreman KO'd Jerry Cooney on demand. Yeah. Edited. You can get the dubstep remix of that fight. Actually, pull that one up with the lasers. When George Foreman KO'd Jerry Cooney, I think he was in his 40s. I'm pretty sure

he was in his 40s. And he was the oldest man to win the heavyweight title. He was 46 when he knocked out Michael Moore. And Michael Moore was a fucking stud.

He was a really good boxer. Foreman hit him with one of those canned hams. Those giant fucking fists of his. It's just hard for me to watch. I respect boxing highlights when they're from the time where MMA didn't exist.

Because now you look at it and I go, okay, well, that's impressive again because that was the sport and they were the best at it. But nowadays, boxing has completely lost any ounce of appeal for me. It just has. I prefer, quite honestly, I prefer MMA to everything. But I do like stand-up fighting only. I do still like that. I prefer kickboxing.

I like, you know what It's Showtime is? You ever watch It's Showtime? They just sold themselves to Golden Glory, so now it's just called Glory. That's the new, they combine forces. They bought them out. Is it at all like a K-1, or it's just like? It's going to be better than K-1. It's going new they combine forces. They bought them out. Is it at all like a K-1 or it's just like. It's going to be better than K-1. It's going to be the best fighters. It's all the best because

the K-1 organization after a while stopped paying people. They had money problems for a while and then a new company bought them out and then they did a May show. They did a show in May and people didn't get paid from that either. Not everybody got paid. Like the big guys got paid. So it's show time and Glory decided to get together. Most people in america don't even know how fucking badass

kickboxing is like real real kickboxing i mean we got used to that pka karate shit in the 80s which was quite honestly i mean it was a lot of fun i enjoyed it there's a lot of very good fighters you know that that came out of that you know that actually we know dennis alexio and the guys are really good fighters but this style wasn't that exciting i mean you'd make people they had to like kick like eight times in a round otherwise you know they would get penalized because most people was just like sloppy boxing this is nothing like that this is incredibly technical here's that here's that coon fight yeah look at this jerry cooney and george foreman i believe he's in his 40s here. Look at this.

Jerry Cooney had challenged for the title at one point in time. He fought Larry Holmes. He was a murderous puncher. Knocked out Ken Norton in one of the most vicious knockouts ever. A ruthless knockout. He could bang, man. This big fucking white guy. But George Foreman also opened a lot of people's eyes with how well he could take Cooney's punches, too.

Look at this. Look at that one, too. Brutal. Brutal. Oh, goddamn, George Foreman was a bad motherfucker. What a combination, man. Get up, Owen Benjamin. He's getting up.

How tough is Jerry Cooney? He's getting up after that. He's going to keep going. You okay? Bitch, you know you ain't okay. Never been clocked like that. Look at this. Look at this.

Oh, step in. Look at that beautiful step in uppercut. Brian, please rewind that. Just rewind the second one. Rewind the second part again. Oh, this is glorious. Look at this uppercut. Boom.

He didn't even need the follow-up. He didn't even need the follow-up. He just wanted him to hit the mat. George Foreman steps in, left uppercuts him, steps to his right, and right hands him. He was a really underrated boxer, man. That guy was a really, really interesting fighter. But Muhammad Ali took his soul in Zaire. But how was his ground game?

Yeah, his ground game is probably about like James Toney's. Not so good. not so good you know they all could develop a ground game anybody could develop a ground game all you have to do is put in the time it's the problem is when you go there you're gonna feel like a bitch right you just got to be uh able to do that because a lot of people have a distorted perception of how well they could defend themselves. And, you know, you get in there, you roll. Like, my friend Cade weighs 140 pounds, and I'm not bullshitting. He might weigh 145. He's very slight.

He's very thin. But he's a black belt in jiu-jitsu, you know, and I'm 50 pounds fucking heavier than him. But if I roll with him, I got to watch what I'm doing because he'll fucking slap a triangle on me and I'll go unconscious. I mean, that's just the reality of MMA as opposed to boxing is that in a boxing match, the fact that you're not going to ever see that. You're never going to see a guy slap a triangle on a guy in the middle of a fight. Oh shit, he locked it in. You're missing half the fun. You're only going to be able to hit guys.

It's great to hit guys. I love watching a fight where two dudes throw blows. Right. But I just think it's chess versus checkers. I'm not downplaying the nuance of the boxing game, but there are so many more outcomes you have to factor in every single millisecond you're in an MMA match with someone versus a boxing match. That is true.

Your brain has to keep that in mind. But you never see the high-level striking in MMA that you see in Glory and K-1. You don't see it. You don't see it at that level. They're just not as good. And one of the reasons why they're not as good is because they also have to factor in takedown attempts,

so they have to change their stance a little bit, and they have to constantly be thinking about, like, if they throw a kick, they're going to get taken down, then they might lose the round, the guy gets on top of them, they might not be able to submit them. When you don't have to think about any takedowns, then dudes can really show you what the fuck they got. And some of the punching and kicking is so exciting in kickboxing, man.

That's my favorite shit to watch. When I watch dudes leg kicking dudes and fucking flying kneeing each other in the face and dropping elbows on each other i mean it's so wild like how good some of the best guys are it's just pure stand-up and in mma it's real hard to get two dudes that good at stand-up who also have good ground games right you know it's because usually when you get to a guy like a georgio petrosian who's's like a multiple-time world champion, one of the best fighters in the world, Giorgio Petrosian is a straight kickboxer. That's all that guy does, and he's the fucking best.

And he fucks guys up that are like really high-level world champions, figures out their game, and you can't do that if you're also taking jiu-jitsu class. You can't do that if you're also, you know, trying to put on weight because there's a you know 175 170 pound division and the next weight class is 185 right so you got to figure out what the fuck to do either dehydrate yourself or put some mass on you don't have to do that when kickboxing you just fight it whatever the fucking weight class you are there's a lot of weight classes and so is glory is that that's a new organization it's gold golden glory formed glory

and glory is a kickboxing organization I know they've already had at least one show but fucking high level kickboxing to me is one of the most fun things to watch I gotta recommend something to you actually it's tangential but I just don't want to forget to I love that you've used the term tangential twice on this podcast

which is more than I've ever used it in life sweet it's a great word. I love that word. It's a beautiful word. It's fantastic. I might use it in something I wrote, but I would have to look it up

to make sure I was using it right. I don't want to fuck it up. No, you'll be all right. Anytime you want to go off on a tangent, apologize for being tangential. What is the tangential point? It was just recommended to me recently. It's a BBC miniseries, three 40-minute episodes called A Black Mirror.

And it deals with sort of near-futuristic societal issues that will come about because of the ever-evolving pace of technology and how it gets intrusive into our lives. Really? It's brilliantly shot, directed, edited. It's one of the best things i've seen in a long fucking time a black it's called black mirror there's three episodes and i i i'm hesitant and reluctant to speak about it any further because i don't want to spoil anything like each and it's a bbc i think it was done for the bbc no it's their show it was uh it was like a

three i'm tweeting it that's why i'm asking oh yeah uh like a three. I'm tweeting it. That's why I'm asking. Yeah, like a three mini series or three episodes, three mini series, I guess. They're like 40-minute episodes. They're phenomenal. I cannot recommend them enough. I've been showing them to everybody. It's beautiful. I can't believe they haven't aired over here yet. I think they aired in India and the UK, and that was it.

Which is stupid. It's beautiful. That is a gorgeous mirror as well, by the way. I go back and forth. That satin mirror is phenomenal. Look at the depth of that. Why are you looking at a mirror? It's what. That is a gorgeous mirror as well, by the way. I go back and forth. That satin mirror is phenomenal. Look at the depth of that. Why are you looking in a mirror? It's what came up.

Satin. He was looking up satin black cock. The moment I type black, the suggestions are cock, mouth, glory hole. It's weird. Brian's computer just suggests all these weird things. I was searching for Benihana's, and it popped up Bukkake right away. BBC miniseries on future technology issues recommended by Kevin. It's amazing.

Well, I guess we can kind of dip into one, which was the Google Glasses. You've seen those, right? Google Glass. So the notion of having every moment recorded of all the time, what that's that's going to lead to people have been like oh it's going to lead to freedom and democracy and whatever i never really gave much thought of it in a like the context of a relationship and a couple gets in an argument where someone says well you said something a certain way a little while ago i'm trying not to spoil things and the guy goes oh did i let's look at the tape and then they're both going back and analyzing the argument which causes them to analyze other things and causes them to go

you know there's there's even the notion of of children suing their parents over decreased uh like wages in the future because they didn't show enough support during a t-ball game or whatever when they were younger like the notion that that could resist could exist in a near future because of the pace of technology is mind-blowing. Yeah, imagine if you could sue your parents because they did a shit job of raising you. Like, go back and show the evidence. Your father was some millionaire bank dude

and just didn't spend any time with his kids. Let me exhibit 47 where you didn't love me. Let's go through, and here it is. Let's show this is the first time that I missed the potty. This is how you treated me. I was two. Right. Can you believe that? Jesus, that's coming, right? It has to be. Let's show, this is the first time that I missed the potty. This is how you treated me. I was two. Right. Can you believe that?

Jesus. That's coming, right? It has to be. It's absolutely happening. Yeah, this whole thing, it's not like it's going to stop. This intrusion, this integration,

this symbiotic relationship that we have with the machine. Yeah, that's fair. The intrusion part is where, most people don't see it as an intrusion at all. They're happily adopting it. It seems like it. I think it's going to be uh the situation is going

to be that's just what life is and it's not going to be an intrusion it's just there's not going to be privacy anymore it's gonna it's gonna come to that well i think there will be privacy for those who can afford it yeah you know there's going to be a percentage of the of society that has enough money to hide what they're doing or make what they're doing legal and oppress others. I want to be friends with them. Yeah. By the way, you're rapidly climbing that mountain, man. You're close.

I need to join a country club or something. You need to start a super PAC. So they like me and they'll tell me when they're about to make shit go down. Don't go to the Twin Towers. What? We're playing golf. By the way, that black mirror is Channel 4, not BBC. Ah, my apologies.

It's still brilliant. Oh, it's Channel 4? Yeah. Oh, you son of a bitch. Were you that specific with it? Yeah. Oh, I just, you know, just tell people to Bing Black Mirror, and then they'll laugh at you for using Bing. That's true.

Fucking Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Spider-Man used Bing. Did you like that movie? I had to tweet it. I was like, that really ruined my suspension of disbelief. Like, here I'm supposed to believe this kid is like crazy inventor, and he lives in a world where people can hand 3D vector models to each other,

and there's crazy high-end technology everywhere, and yet he's using Bing. I don't think so. Don't even get me started. And then that tablet. What do you think about that tablet, the new Surface? Well, actually, I don't know. I'm not too mad at the Surface. I use it before i i really see how it goes you know the tech specs look good i mean they're trying something it was funny to watch them try

to present a product like apple though and i don't think they have their presentation especially when it froze up it froze up and then the guys like it froze up while they were testing yeah yeah and then like twice like twice you can pull that up. Son of a bitch. And this guy that was selling a case for it is like, this case is the finest leather, like a luxury car steering wheel, like you would find on a luxury automobile. That's the leather of this case.

The kind you would find on my cock strap right now. It's my Louis D string. Louis D string. I cinch my balls with Vuitton. It's the Louis D string. Louis D string. I cinch my balls with Vuitton. It's the finest murdered beasts. We cut their throat when they were young. We personally clubbed each of these baby minxes here. That's what they're saying.

Feel how soft the leather is. It's the balls of a child. Just hate. Just pure hate coming through right now. To be fair, this software is in beta, and so that's probably why it froze up. Yeah, but you don't want to do a presentation unless it's going to be solid.

Apple's really great at that. Not that they haven't fucked up, too. And have a great experience just with browsing. It's 10.6 inch, optically bonded, widescreen display. He's hearing the email that's going to be sent to him about his job termination as he's demoing this. And of course, people play games. I can go and play any of the interesting games that are on in the windows store right now it's like freezing out i can play the game hide

the surface yeah so no one can see it froze for all of those and then the cameraman zooms in like right right at the worst part of entertainment look great as well what you know it looks great my child's college fund. Now why, as a camera, Too bad I won't see it again. Yeah, now why is the camera,

would you switch, oh, I don't, excuse me, just a second. Hold on one second. They're gonna, they're gonna talk about this

at the company retreat. Wait a minute, wait a minute, did he just put it back and get another one? Which kudos on that producer for having another one ready to run back there.

You son of a bitch. They must have had 40 back there just in case. Son of a, this buggy piece of shit is gonna fuck there. You son of a bitch. They must have had 40 back there just in case. Son of a, this buggy piece of shit's going to fuck up in the middle of my presentation. Oh, man. Poor guy. He must have been sweating that. And he tried to play it off, too.

You got to talk about it. You got to go listen. We're going to stop that from happening. Yeah. Pay no attention to the crashing on the surface. That's so silly. That's so silly. That thing crashed.

Yeah. But I'm not mad at the product. They got to try something. I think it... Amazon making a smartphone is interesting. I think design-wise, it's just... When you first saw the iPad, you're just like, wow, that thing's sexy as fuck. And this kind of just seems, I don't know, unadmitted.

It just looks boring. It looked kind of like, yeah yeah this would have been awesome three years ago do you know that they're coming out with a small ipad that's the next move yeah yeah they're making a note and they're making the note bigger is what is the latest so the next model of notes actually going to be a little bit bigger to kind of compete how big with the next ipad is the ipad supposed to have a phone attached to it no but you either should the note i mean you can use it as a phone i guess uh probably that's what they're really trying to bill it as. Yeah, but wouldn't you want it to be able to do everything?

If the Note could do everything, but the iPad couldn't make calls, that would annoy me. Well, I mean, your iPad now can make calls if you Skype. You can Skype or VoIP it. Skyping people like some fucking hacker savage. It's just an app. I think grandparents are Skyping at this point. I don't think any of the elite hacksers out there are booting up Skype.

Do you have to have 4G to Skype or can you Skype to 3G? You can Skype over 3G. Wow. How weird is that? That's eventually going to be what phone calls are. It's like you just need an internet connection. To an extent, that's what they are now. Instead of Skype, you're using their cellular tower.

It's just converting your voice to packets and beaming it around the planet. Again, why I like Mountain Men. When Marty gets in his plane and he flies three hours up into the Alaska wilderness, there's nobody up there. That poor fuck. He has to take a bath in a... He has to heat up water in a garbage

can. Does he have a Tumblr? Does he have a Tumblr? Yeah. What's a Tumblr? Am I supposed to care? If he doesn't have a Tumblr, I'm not interested. I don't know what a Tumblr is. What's his Twitter? Does he have a Twitter? Oh, a Tumblr. Yeah. What's a Tumblr? Am I supposed to care? If he doesn't have a Tumblr, I'm not interested. I don't know what a Tumblr is. What's his Twitter? Does he have a Twitter? Does he have a Flickr? Oh, a Tumblr. One of those things.

Yeah, those plugs, those Tumblrs, it's like where people went when they got off of MySpace. It's like, I need somewhere to go and express myself in a really annoying way. It's actually where I think where people are getting off to go from Facebook now. I need to park it. Yeah, a lot of people are tumbling. Really? Yeah, I mean, it gives you that sort of personalization and all that madness.

The Facebook thing is crazy. I think the less indulgent people are allowed to be, the better. So when you're allowed animated GIF files and all that shit. You don't like my glitter graphics? It's amazing. They define me as a human being. I want to embed 40 songs on a page with some glitter, and that defines me.

People for years wanted a way to define the type of person that's instantly defined when they have a glitter tag on their myspace page for years it's like you know they're not retarded but like they're fucking weird like it's like they tell you they like something and you're like come on really the guys who have that jamster frog as their ringtone i'm like i see those commercials and i'm like someone is selling that ringtone to people? But before there were ringtones, man, you couldn't describe a guy like that. Before there were glitter tags, you would go, well, she's just weird. And they're like, sounds like you're an asshole.

Same with Axe body spray, though. I mean, it's the same with everything. Votre Car Noir. Wasn't it that? My father wears a whole bottle of that. And to this, like, he has no scent glands. So when he comes to my house, like, I've had when he comes to my house like i've had people come i've had people come over my house no shit and three days after my dad has visited they say your house reeks of knockoff portuguese dracar and that's my old man which he's not even the

real dracar no no it's like it's it's like the chill water he uses the knockoff cool water like literally i got some of that when i was a kid. I remember putting it on. I'm like, if this is really what I have to do to get laid, I don't know if I'm going to follow through with this. Can I get a Mountain Dew, man? You got a Mountain Dew in there? Ditto, if I may. That'd be great.

Thank you, sir. You have such a busy... Congrats and a half on... Every time I visit you, there's a new setup. Wait till you see the new place. Soon we're going to be in low Earth orbit recording the podcast. This is so good. We're branchinging out so happy for both of you congrats thank you we're having a good time man we've been uh doing a lot of comedy shows here at the ice

house too we're doing one i saw that wednesday night for folks who are interested it's picking up pace as we speak right now committed to the show this is one of going to be one of our wednesday night super shows dom irer is in greg fitzsimmons is in i love and ari shafir is in so just right there son get the fuck out of dodge greg was so i i asked him to be a part of the first lead up that we threw at club nokia what is this lead up i've gotten emails of this what explain to the ladies and gentlemen again to don't know what a lead up is a lead A lead-up, yeah. Well, I mean, we created it on a whim this year. It's supposed to be and sort of is a nerd carnival. So the idea is there's experiential zones that you can have,

like an old-school arcade or cosplay or, you know, modeling with earth magnets and buckyballs and just random shit going on on the show floor. And then on stage, we do a sort of variety show. So there's a podcast taping. There's VJ Mike Realm. I'm going to come out and jam with him on this tour. We're taking it to 10 cities at the end of this year.

Where are you going? And sort of taking it around. We're announcing the dates next Tuesday. Is there anywhere that's going to be around California? Yeah, I think, well, we... We don't have to fly anywhere? Not for this one. My Portland's the closest.

But we'll fly out. We'll happily fly out and put you up and you can do a show after or tape your podcast during it if you want. If I could figure out a way to book a show that night so I can make it worth my while to go. Absolutely. But I think a fun thing would be to do,

we've thought about doing live podcasts before and we might do that, but I think one thing that would be really fun to do is do half a live podcast, half a live Q&A session. Sure. So we could fuck around in podcasts if we'd like, but I would like it if people could just line up and ask us questions. Right. We built that in to lead up.

The idea is that so many people do live podcasts on stage, and you show up, and you just watch somebody talk, and that's it. And I'm like, but you're there. You're physically there. There needs to be interaction with the audience. So we games with them we give out prizes we do q a's and i used to do q a's at the end of all my comedy shows that's awesome but it became too much the same questions oh really too much time about dmt what's your favorite strain please if you go to joe's live podcast taping make sure those are the only questions you shout out that's all they will it's too late. They got me.

Which, you know, it's not bad, but I would say like, yeah, you should probably YouTube it. You'll get a better, you know, there's plenty of descriptions

of it on YouTube. Listen to me and talk about it. Sure. Especially, you know, the people that There's great videos of you talking about it.

You know, you can see that. But it was, sometimes it's fun though. I still do it sometimes, but I used to do it after every show. But it's hard to close strong when you do that. Especially because I wouldn't want

to say no to no more questions. So the questions would go on for sometimes hours. I've done like an hour of comedy and then an hour and a half more of Q&A. I've done that more than once. And after a while, people are like, let me go, dude. I want to get out of here. I'm tired of you talking.

So I cut it way back. I like to do like between an hour and ten and no more than an hour and a half and just go fucking balls out. And then as for Q&A, I just talk to people. That's my new thing. Just go outside and meet everybody. If you've got a question, I'll answer it. But to yell it out out on stage like that,

I think it would be cool if it was a show of only Q&A. That's what was expected. And they would be able to get up to a microphone and ask. Not just tweeting it in? Yeah, there was a bunch of really funny ones that we did from the end of, not my special from Atlanta that we just did, but my one from before from Columbus, Ohio. One of the funniest parts of the special

was talking to people afterwards. Like, you ask, they step up to the microphones and they have ridiculous questions. You know, but it's hard to close on those. It's hard to count that one of these is gonna be good enough to end the show.

You know, because you could have an awesome show, but if, like, the end of it sucks, people remember the end of it. Oh, sure. You gotta bookend it. Start off big, but if the end of it sucks, people remember the end of it. Oh, sure. You've got to bookend it. Start off big, end big. That's it. You could be killing for an hour and a half and have the last five minutes eat a dick, and the show sucked.

Well, if you did that, if you ate a dick on stage, I think that's quite a closer. It depends on who's dick, right? Sure. Yeah. Sure. Did you hear about the Japanese guy that did that? He served his own penis. He decided that he was asexual, so he had this meal.

What am I going to do with this thing? It's $250 a plate. Wow. And he had all these people come over, and he cooked his dick. He cooked his dick with mushrooms and, yeah. I would love to see the Yelp reviews for that. Yeah. He showed his dick in the bag.

He had his dick surgically removed. Wow. First of all, the fact that he found a doctor that's willing to cut his fucking junk off and then give it to him so he could cook it. Sure. Like, holy shit. And I don't know who the fuck you think you are, but the fact that you think you could just cut your dick and balls off and not miss them,

I think that's silly beyond belief. That's why when I, like, have you seen the, you've seen the BME Pain Olympics video, right? Where the guy's got his balls in a mason jar filled with angry hornets and he's just shaking it around. Come on,

boys. Get at me. Dip a stinger in me. Like, that is insane to me. People are goddamn crazy. Insane to me. Brian,

I'm so glad they fixed the AC. That's why I was just wondering. Does it work? Do you think it works? I mean, it doesn't seem like

it works. This is cool we're going into some Bikram yoga yeah we need to do something about that we found a doctor when we first launched attack of the show it's one of my favorite segments that only six people saw because nobody watched our show when we first launched it but that launch week we did some crazy shit and one of them was someone yelled across the office they're like your ass got served like oh like okay and we went wait could you serve a web page out of someone's asshole and we did the research and sure enough you can we got a little usb web server thumb drive we registered your ass got served.com

slipped it into a condom and on live television put it in a co-worker's asshole and fired up the web server in his colon and you could go live to his asshole and leave a message on his wall, which was like, you know, scrawling on his colon. It existed. It absolutely worked. It was crazy. It was amazing. We got away with that on live TV. How much of it did you show? We had him behind a screen silhouetted like Ace Ventura style. And the doctor went back there and remodulated his voice. But I was standing right next to it with a little microphone. Just, oh, it was brilliant. Your ass got served. That little microphone. Wow. It was brilliant. Your ass got served.

That's hilarious. Yeah, it was awesome. Too bad six people saw it. Oh, I saw it. Well, thank you. I'm going to find five more. We can have a reunion special. That was the beauty of DVR because that was one of the few shows,

talk of the show, that I enjoyed kind of like watching the news almost every day. Oh, nice. That's cool to hear. It kept me up to date and stuff like that. So I mean, I might have had like 20 episodes at a time and only watched like seven or eight of them. I'll take that. But I always, you know.

That's awesome. It was a fun show, man. Thanks. I really liked how it progressed. And I was actually really sad to hear that you left. But I understand. What are you up to now? Lots.

Lots. Doing a lot of podcasts. You know any air conditioning? Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm getting into mostly is HVAC stuff. No, I can fix your air conditioning for you. I've been reading up a lot. No, I left and I started a company called Super Creative.

Supercreative.tv is our site. That's a super creative name. Thank you, thank you. It was originally a, I was literally like, what's the least creative name I could come up with that explains what was originally a, I literally was like, what's the least creative name I could come up with that explains what we do?

Because I'm like, I'm not spending weeks coming up with a name for Double Helix and Fusion Studios, LLC. Fuck that. We're super creative.

That's what we'll do. That's not bad. So created it and we sold the show to Syfy, which we're doing now. I think, you know what,

it's far enough along. We haven't actually put pen to paper, but I'm doing a new machinima series that we probably announce at comic-con we're doing lead up um we're doing a whole bunch of randomness that's a pretty flashy intro that's the one of the most amazing intros ever oh thank you oh we crashed your server shit so what we do what we do really well is hype up websites so we can crash them um is that server still in his ass that's where it's being served from right now that's hilarious yeah there's someone i hired microsoft to do my uh my demo i'm sorry there's a runtime error even tried to do that today tried to do what today try to do that same stunt today yeah probably never be able to put that it was really it was kind of it was it

was censorship wasn't a huge issue with attack of the show we were really able to get away with a lot but there definitely came to a point where there's no way those ideas could even be you know what was like the the thing that you tried to do them you know they get shot down it was weird there was a lot that i tried to do which surprised me that it got shot down like chase a greased pig in the studio it took me like four years to be able to do that i wanted to in the middle of an interview have a guy come out and ring a cowbell and yell like, sweet! And then the graphics roll in and a fucking greased pig is released in the studio.

And we all try to grab it. The dumbest fucking thing in the world. Yeah, well, I had my moment on our 1,000th episode show. I got to catch a greased pig in the studio. It was fucking brilliant television, except for the moment when I leap in front of the pig and the poor pig looks scared. It was a small little pig and I went,

oh, now I just feel bad. This pig is in studio lights. There people cheering we got hay everywhere so it was we made the best of it but it was uh it was doing shit like that was fun i'm gonna miss that i stopped eating pigs for a while really i eat them now but for a long time i stopped eating them because i watched a documentary uh called um something my brother's Keeper, I think it was. It was about these two guys that were accused of a crime. I forget what the crime is, but they were a bit slow, and they were living in a rural area,

and they ran a farm. And when they went to kill a pig, you could tell the pig knew what the fuck was up. You could tell the pig was running away. The pig was terrified, and he put that gun up to the pig's head, and boom, and he did it in front of the other pig. So pigs fuck was up. You could tell the pig was running away. The pig was terrified. And he put that gun up to the pig's head and boom. And he did it in front of the other pig. So pigs remember that shit.

They know what the fuck is going on when you come up to them with that gun. And when I saw that, I saw them like, wow, that thing's smart. That thing's smart and it knows. Oh, they're incredibly smart. People go, oh, they're dirty, filthy, disgusting animals. They're actually incredibly intelligent. That's kind of fucked. That's the

only thing that I think of when I think of as us being like related to animals and that we love animals. It's only, to me, it's only intelligent animals. But when I find out a pig is as smart as a dog or smarter, I go ooh, that's a smart thing. And that some people kill pigs as pets, or

keep pigs, rather, as pets. I'm like, ooh, they're probably smart. Right. But something stupid, like a fish can suck my dick. You know, I'm not really, you know what I mean? That's a fish you keep around, actually. I don't feel connected to that fish at all. Right.

I only feel connected to things I can think. Yeah, if I can win it in a midway game and flush it down three weeks later, you can walk up to a cow and shoot it in the head, and the other cows just go, what happened? Well well that was loud yeah it was fucking loud as shit i'm gonna walk over here now can you believe that they that they got foie gras like illegal yeah it's the most insane shots me shots me stupid meanwhile you can eat goose right so dumb you just can't eat their liver right so i mean how about like, I understand the argument of there were certainly, there was a percentage of farms that were, you know, torturing animals, essentially, to make it,

much like the way they torture veal to make it. Yeah, but it wasn't even that, man. Have you ever seen it? The way they, first of all, the way most of them do it, the fucking ducks actually hover around the feeding tube because they want it. Right. Well, people talk about being shackled in and their heads are through a wooden hole and they're using plunger sticks to jam it down their throat.

That's the propaganda. And look, I'm sure that a percentage of farms were doing that. I'm sure people treat them like shit. But you make that illegal. You don't make the fucking byproduct illegal. Why is it not okay to take that one piece but it's okay to take the whole? Well, it's not legal to, there's organic foie gras too where they don't force feed them.

They just use the liver. That's illegal too now. That's what I mean. It's all illegal. Which is so stupid because the fucking duck is still, you can still eat duck. You can still eat goose.

You can glaze them and hang them from a window. They essentially made an organ, the preparation of an organ illegal. It's so stupid because first of all, organs are some of the most nutritious things you can eat.

You know, liver is really good for you. It's like, that's of all, organs are some of the most nutritious things you can eat. Liver is really good for you. That's the reason why wolves go for the liver. It's the reason why cats eat your organs. They're super healthy for you. Hearts are so healthy. It's really maximum protein stuff. Just like that guy serving up his dick in Japan. I don't think dicks are so healthy.

I'm not talking about the nutritional aspects of it. I'm talking about the concept of there being in the near future so healthy no no I'm not I'm not I'm not talking about the nutritional aspects of it I'm talking about the concept of eat like they're being a restaurant near future where human organs are served because they're grown in a fridge somewhere out of petri dishes or whatever that's a very good point like we're going to slice an ear off the back of this mouse and you're going to eat it but a liver or something else well you know eating parts of humans can call Jacob Crutzfeld disease it can cause a mad disease. The same essential disease that mad cow. What mad cow is somehow, when you feed cows brain matter of other cows, and that's what they do. They grind up every fucking part of the cow and then feed it to other cows. It's really insane.

It's disgusting. It's not just disgusting. It's like psychopathic. It's like they've done something beyond horrendous. Not only do they eat these animals and murder these animals on a regular basis but then they feed them to each other and they feed them protein which by the way is not what they eat man that's not their food their food is grass okay and they're not even supposed to be eating corn and the reason why they get so fucking fat is because we feed them corn cows eat grass that's what they eat that's it period

so we're feeding them other cows. Well, they get this crazy mad cow disease, which is essentially nature's way of keeping you from being a fucking cannibal. It was the same disease that cannibals in New Guinea get. Cannibals in New Guinea get this fucking horrible neurological disorder where they have the shakes. And it's from fucking eating people, man. So I don't think we'll ever see a human organ restaurant because I think if you eat them, you'll probably get sick. I mean, it only makes sense. I know the prions are – I believe it's brain matter that holds them.

That's where they get it from initially. This talk is exactly what I needed because I needed somebody to tell me that I couldn't do it. This will be the catalyst. This is my motivator. They're making some pretty incredible things in petri dishes, right? I mean, aren't they recreating bladders now? Have they done that? I think they've done that with, they've created a bladder and installed it into a person.

Yeah. I hope there's no runtime errors. I think a bladder, you know, is like sort of a bag. So it's probably like a good safe thing to start out with before you, something that pumps things. Right. You know, before they actually make a heart. Right. I'm sure they've done it i'm sure they've done it and put it in a chimp somewhere and popped

open the chest and gone let's see if this powers it let's see what happens when we do this sure they have yeah man chimps chimps that get tested on i bet they're really angry can you imagine what a fucking shit life it is to be as smart as a chimp, which is probably like, what's smarter, a chimp or a person with Down syndrome? Is it close? I would have no idea. I think Down syndrome is such a wide spectrum of a syndrome that Lord knows. Right, because Corky had a very mild version of it from the Facts of Life. Remember?

Was it Facts? No, that was Wonder Years, right? No, it wasn't Wonder Years. It was Wonder Years. Facts of Life. What was that show, though, right? No, it wasn't Wonder Years. It was Wonder Years. Facts of Life. What was that show? Growing Pains. I don't know.

No, Growing Pains is the one with Kirk Cameron, wasn't it? I'm so upset that I asked that question. Life goes on. Because I know that's all I'm going to get in all caps in my Twitter feed for the next three weeks. Life goes on, bro. You didn't know Corky? You remember Growing Pains, man, before Kirk Cameron became one of the most awesome Jesus lovers ever. Why is a banana shaped the way it is?

I never fucking explained that shit. Joe, I actually was on a plane with Kirk Cameron recently. And he was just sitting there looking so sad and depressed. Because it was one of those things where I was waiting for somebody else to put like their luggage up so I was just standing right next to him and he's just sitting there like looking at his phone

like looking past his phone not even looking what's on the screen and he just sat there and then like some woman came up to him and he just looked up and went like

did this like little smile but it was so weird being Dude, you can imagine every day the guy is fighting off the gay with every fiber of his being.

He is just clenching his teeth and fighting off. If you really want to save Kirk Cameron, this is what you do. If you're a big gay guy, just sit in his lap and pull your cock out. And he'll just, he'll suckle on it like a baby to its mother's breast. Put a banana peel on it at first. Fuck, he's security. That's what he's doing. He's just fighting off the gay tooth and nail and claw and fang.

It's so funny to me how the people who are most outspoken against homosexuality are just the closeted gays. Look at him. He's so obviously gay. You can't get any obviously gayer than Kirk Cameron. Not that there's anything wrong with being obviously gay either. I mean, for the guy to be happy, he should just come out of the closet. All of them, just come out. Who cares, man?

What do you think about the Tom Cruise, Scientology, Surrey, or whatever, you know, that whole thing? It's amazing that Tom Cruise already has a new Ukrainian beauty. Fantastic. There was a picture of him and her holding hands already in a magazine.

Like, such an obviously staged picture. You're like, Scientology are bad an obviously staged picture they're like scientology are bad motherfuckers because they're still rocking it old school in 2012 all right they're putting together storylines they're creating like narratives they have like a whole fucking publicity so like like a whole area department that like figures out how to handle this they're like we need tom a girlfriend and we need Tom a girlfriend now. Right. It's like a newsroom.

Like that's it. They're the news corp of religions. We spotted Katie Holmes in New York. That bitch is in New York? Shit. Okay. We need Tom with a hot Russian. Right. Right now.

And Tom, okay, you're going to go on Ellen this time and jump on the couch, and you're going to say you're in love, and you're... I don't care if you're 50. Do you want to fix your career? Jump on that woman's couch.

Get on there. All things Thetan. The videos of them, like people trying to go into their welcome to the public kind of festivals and them coming out and aggressively swarming around people and screaming,

what's your issue? What's your problem? What are you hiding? What are you afraid of? That's scary shit. They love to call you a bigot too. That's like a big one. They call people bigots. You're a bigot. call you a bigot too that's like a big one they call people bigots you're a bigot you're a bigot yeah scientology is a fascinating organization

to me i just love the helps help people though man no doubt about it i have a neighbor who's a scientologist who's a nice fucking guy man he's a great guy and he did helped him man he tells you all the great things that he did for him and how it helped his business, helped his life, and helped his focus and this and that. He fucking believes in it. Who are you to tell him differently? Kevin Pereira? I'm nobody Joe Rogan. Do you think how much of

Tom Cruise's life is surrounded by Scientologists? Is he just like in a Scientology bubble? He's like the leader. Is he the head guy? He wears the pig helmet at the meeting. He's the one that's the deepest in it, I think. I think there's a group of probably six main players,

and he's one of the head guys. You think so? Yeah. I like how you've just created your own fucking council of doom. Seriously. When they meet in their hollowed-out volcano. Have you ever seen the video? He's so powerful. He's like one of the most powerful guys ever he is can you pull up the video of him

in the do you know the scientology video where he is uh it's a video that wasn't supposed to get it was like supposed to play at like a conference or something right and he was supposed to be in the yeah i don't know what you would say tom cruise creepy speech scientology but whatever it is they they had it set up and excuse me they had it set up in this, like a whole auditorium of people that were watching this tape, right? Wasn't it? Yeah, yeah.

And cheering along with it and shit. Am I remembering the right thing? No, I think it was. I think it was like an annual meeting, like a seminar. Like you sit through that and then they offer you a timeshare and then you get to go skiing.

Poor Katie Holmes. You poor kid. She signed, but didn't she sign up? I've always heard that they sign up for it. Yeah, and it's like, look, five years, and you get this much money. She wanted her career to come back. She wanted to be relevant, you know?

And guess what, man? That's the only way to do it for a lot of these girls, you know, these middling girls. You know, they're doing pretty good. They're okay. And, you know, five years goes by, and she and you know five years goes by and she's 39 oh pass and that's it it's over yeah so you got to make a you got to bust a move before your fucking rice runs out of the bucket sand out of the thing sand out of the hourglass or the

that thing the old rice bucket rice why do i feel like there's a similar measuring device with rice in some cultures i'm sure there are yeah maybe there's gotta be someone figured that out i spend way too much time thinking about ancient civilizations and ancient cultures i gotta be honest with you yeah it's a real problem it's a distraction from thinking about current events when do you think we're gonna wipe ourselves out or upload ourselves into the machine so it doesn't matter like how soon it seems again it's like it's gonna happen happen in our lifetime. It seems like the leaps are coming so fast. Did you see the new TSA screening devices? Which?

Yeah, look at them all clapping. He's got a medal. He did it. He's got a medal on him. He's got a medal. He won the religion. I have never met a more competent, a more intelligent,

a more tolerant, a more compassionate being outside of what I've experienced from LRH. And I've met the leaders of leaders. I've met them all. So I say to you, sir, COB, we are lucky to have you and thank you very much. COB, we are lucky to have you, and thank you very much. It's beautiful. We will have gay sex tonight. He's beautiful. Wasn't L. Ron busted on a boat in international waters having sex with underage people?

Yep. Okay. Maybe not, but I said yep, and it made it so. There we go. Update the wiki. Can we just get that in there, please? That's not even the one, man. There's one where he was appearing by tape right yeah yeah that's the one i originally found but i thought you were talking

about that one that was beautiful too though he's beautiful the way he's just so charismatic i would sign up for five years with that so especially to help my career if i just had a inkling of the possibility that maybe he would hang out with me if i could just write cultures that's it i like how the music's like that once you know these tools and you know that they work it's it's not good enough that i'm just doing okay traveling the world and meeting the people that i that i've met you know talking with these leaders in various fields they want help. And they are depending on people who know and who can be effective and do it. And that's us. That is our responsibility

to do that. It is the time now. Now is the time. Stop it. Stop this. No, no, no. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. So you better know it. You better know it. And if you don't, you know, go and learn it.

What? Oh, that's the option? If I don't know it, I need to learn it? Jesus. It's not even the end of it. The end of it is what I wanted to hear where he says that if you stop

by an accident you know you have to do something because you're a Scientologist it's an 8 minute video here I'll try to skip don't make me get my dick hard for 8 minutes that's too intense for me

I just love the Mission Impossible music I love the I love all of it your religious mission should you choose to accept it and then i keep self-destructs yeah i love the conviction i love the the fake actor intensity involved in it and i know that he's just thinking of i have one more hour of this and i'm gonna fuck everyone he's got this like 10 dudes just waiting for him they're prepping

them right now he's like a horse that knows he's on the end of the trail and he's getting back to the feed bag. He knows there's 12 dudes in the back warming up. Waxing their beetles. I want to know that I've done everything I could every day. And I think about those people out there who are

depending on us. And I think about that. And it does make me feel uh like man there's you know we got more work i need more help i'll get those spectators you're in the playing field or out of the arena in the playing field or out of the arena that was great yeah you're either with us who have the answers and we can provide all the help or fuck you, you're dead, man. If you've got eight minutes to kill, ladies and gentlemen, please watch the whole thing because there's so much glory in it. There's so much awesomeness in it.

It's so ridiculous. But you know what, man? It's like we value charisma like that so much that a guy like that who can step up and tell you what Scientology can do to maximize you and that you will be a better person. It's not if you become a better person. You will be a better person. Thank you very much. The reason you're not right now is because you haven't joined me. Come on, dude.

How crazy do you have to be to be wearing a medal? To wear a fucking Olympic gold medal? Bigger than the Olympic medal. They said, what's the Olympic medal? Make it 10% bigger because this is important. Melt those Olympic rings into one giant medal and make it match his eyes. Make it out of the gold we took from the fillings at Auschwitz. And yeah, that special evil gold that we have saved up.

That we've been irradiating and saying mean things to for years. They have like one fucking pile of all the gold that they know was made and gotten through the worst circumstances. Like Blackbeard's fucking pirate treasure. We know he murdered babies for this gold. Oh, this is the gold I want. Mold into that. What are you watching now?

This is a slideshow of crazy Tom Cruise. I thought your Tom Cruise screensaver kicked in. I thought all your photos of a half-naked Tom Cruise. Okay, stop right there. Back up a second.

Think about this real quick. Look at him with Val Kilmer. Oh, yeah. Now think about what he looks like, which is the fucking same. He's showing him the fist that he wants to put inside him

in this photo. What Val Kilmer looks like. He's saying, I'm getting you to the elbow ice man val kilmer val kilmer has continued to age whereas tom cruise had he got to a certain point and then just stopped because he's been eating from a human liver restaurant and you don't know about it yet the petri dish human liver restaurant yeah he goes into the cryo freezer especially picks his organs that's when he's in love with katie back in the day meanwhile what is he thinking about there cock that's what he's thinking about cock he's thinking about cock there he's thinking about cock right there he's ready for it actually yelling for cock i actually want to say on the record that i don't

think he's gay and he doesn't want that because and my name is brian reichel and my stage name is red band and i i disagree with everyone here mr cruz and i'm sorry oh would you do if he doesn't even if he doesn't want cock i think you should try it yeah because it might be his thing brian would you do a five five year stint with tom cruise if it meant unlimited wealth and career success five months let's just say five months compound i have to have sex or just hang out with i think you have to you have to either fuck or be fucked by tom cruise one of the two has to happen for sure unlimited wealth unlimited wealth sure and success would you do it now career success five months tom cruise sex slave absolutely not you wouldn't for unlimited wealth no what is unlimited wealth though i'm just never having to worry about

it yeah but could you buy like jets and shit certainly you have unlimited wealth, though? I don't know. Just never having to worry about it. Yeah, but could you buy Jets and shit? Certainly. You have unlimited wealth. Can you imagine if your butthole, letting a guy fuck your butthole was worth that much? There was a way you can negotiate unlimited wealth. I'm sure there's some sultan out there somewhere. People think of it that they sucked your dick just for dinner. I'm like, really?

I could have gotten unlimited wealth if I just got a better agent? If we were talking about Zac Efron, then maybe. Oh, man. Don't let me get lost in his eyes. Don't. Look at those. Don't. wealth if i just got a better agent if we were talking about zach efron then maybe oh man don't let me get lost in his eyes don't look at those don't um how many guys do you think are in hollywood that are in the closet that are forced to be in the closet because they play action stars well i think i think there's a i think there's a shit ton of them and i also think there's a lot of guys who who well i mean it's like the guys who go gay for pay like who aren't gay guys but they're like fuck if i gotta take a dick to make fucking ends meet let's go right crazy some dudes just have lower standards

they'll they'll let things happen looks maybe maybe i call it adventurous joe fuck you for putting a label on anybody who might do that out there anybody at all if you want to do it though it seems like a company like scientology is fucking awesome to have in your corner it seems like they i mean i don't know we're just totally speculating as to what role if anything i feel like like and speculating by the way whether or not he's actually gay you might just certainly certainly no no it's certainly crazy i just the notion of a scientology to to like if i were to join it as a as a d-list struggling actors web celebrity type if i were to join scientology and kick in 100 grand the first year maybe 200 grand that's gonna buy me to a certain level where I'm in meetings with people who are heads of movie studios and making decisions.

And they go, look at this young gentleman here who's paying in and he's playing the game. Let's put him in that movie, give him a little bit more because we know he's going to contribute to the church. He's going to be an ambassador. But how much do they actually control? That's the big question. They obviously control Tom Cruise because he's really successful. I mean, you look at Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise has been in a bunch of really big hit movies.

So that's why they control him. That's why they handle his business because he's a massive investment. He's worth a ton of money. But he's that guy. He's already there. You know what I'm saying? How much can they do for you? How much could they get Kevin Pereira help?

How much could they weasel you in? I'm sure they'd have a good pitch, which is maybe they'd get me a Hulu web series. I don't mean Mission Impossible 5. Just, you know, I'll take. That's what I mean. Like they could help me out on a certain level. And then as you grow with them and they help you, then you contribute more and they help groom you for that. So they are essentially

like a form of a talent agency. You think so? For some, I'm sure. For some, they're probably a beard agency. For others, they're a talent agency. Do you know what I mean? They just offer

all different services. What do you need? You're in the church now and they have your secrets. They audit you. They know all about your past and your history and that's part of the initiation process

is that you divulge everything to them. So then you're beholden to them. It's pretty sweet how good they are at keeping secrets. It's amazing. It's pretty fucking fucking sweet yeah you know i mean think about how many dudes that must have the fucking inside scoop on john travolta and just fucking and like we're here at scientology are committed to a mission wow that was amazing like was there a groupon on just gay masseuse masseurs like they just came out of the woodworks.

Yeah. Once one guy came out, the other guy was like, oh, no, he didn't. I'm gonna get mine, too. Yeah, absolutely. If you're stepping forward, I am. I wonder if they got paid.

Did they get paid? Money must have been exchanged. Yeah, well, they suddenly started withdrawing all their lawsuits. And, you know, I don't know if that's... Maybe they were frivolous. I don't know. But...

He should just come out. Come on out, dude. No one cares. I'm sure Anderson Cooper recently came out. Yeah, no one cares. Did that matter? I mean, did that? No.

The people that care suck. It's not funny that people are gay. What's funny is that people are straight pretending they're gay. Right. Or rather, gay pretending they're straight. Gay pretending they're straight. That's what's funny. Right.

So now, the actual being gay. I know a lot of gay people, but it's hilarious when there's fucking obviously gay people with a Kirk Cameron fella. I'm just shocked whenever there's a legislative setback in the gay rights movement. You can so easily draw a line that's parallel to any other time there's been a debate

involving marriage or any other discrimination suit and you go, oh, that was wrong. We were wrong about discriminating. That's right wrong we were wrong about discriminating that's right we were wrong we figured that out and yet here we are discriminating in mass and volume loudly and openly and it's you know it's a platform for some people politically and that's that's okay right now we're okay with that even with all the knowledge and access to history that we have we're okay with that well religion has always been the big i mean if you want to look at one thing that suppresses gay people, nothing has suppressed gay people more than religion. And almost every person who's against people who are gay being married is religious.

Sure. I mean, that is just, it's not an ideological viewpoint. It's a religious viewpoint. Sure. It's where it comes from. The ideology that that action is negative in any way is connected directly to religion. For no one I know that's an atheist. For a myriad of societal issues, though, from religion to abortion to whatever.

I mean, the main thing people say, well, it's a political issue. No, it's actually a religious issue. And one political side at times, ebbs and flows, will side more with religion. It's traditionally Republican. It became Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan started all that shit off. That's where the big slide in this country came. Before then, religion really was separated from politics.

It wasn't a big thing. But the Ronald Reagan, they went after the fucking religious right. They knew they were a powerful force. They knew they could rally up and they could protest and they could, you know, they could do things. They would pound the pavement,

hand out the pamphlets, tell every Sunday, beam the message into people's heads that that's the way. A bunch of those fucking mindless drones that need a purpose to live are happy to be a part of that organization. And they were in, locked in.

Those sons of bitches. I always think, though, like, I gotta figure out, for me, what my spiritual parallel is. Because every story that I read about everything from placebo effect to spiritual people heal quicker. Because they believe that they will heal quicker. I got to figure out the proper way and the healthy way to unlock that within me. Because I'm such a skeptic about everything.

I can help you. That with any pill, with any drug, with anything, even just positive thought, I'll eventually convince myself that it will not work. Well, I can help you. Oh, please. Sure. I've already conquered this. I can help you tremendously. Life is a simulation, and it's a simulation for your own benefit.

You live in a future, a sexless future, where people take orgasm pills, and most breeding is done through some sort of a genetic manipulation where you just fucking recreate people in laboratories. There's no sex. There's no meat. You don't eat steak you don't talk you use your brain and it's beautiful and we've organized and you know basically evolved past the point of physical violence and pleasure and all sorts of different things that are essentially just tricks of genetics okay but it's boring no one's getting their dick sucked the music's fucking. You can't go out and get

a good steak. So we have decided to encase our consciousness in a simulation. And the simulation is we are in the roaring 20s of the technology age. We live back in a time where things were crazy. We could go to a store and buy a fucking

600 horsepower car and just drive the speed limit's 55 miles an hour. Wink. Wink. Meanwhile you can go to a store and buy a fucking 600 horsepower car and just drive. The speed limit's 55 miles an hour. Wink, wink. Meanwhile, you can go buy a Shelby Mustang that has 600 fucking horsepower. So we're the Matrix, but we've got to pay for patches. Exactly. And that's part of the fun of it all is that everything is corrupt and ridiculous. Part of the fun of a Batman movie is the fact there's bad guys.

Okay? part of the fun of a batman movie is the fact there's bad guys okay part of the fun of uh of our life is the fact that yeah we do live in this ridiculously corrupt society yeah when you when you raise your voice and you you stand up and you tell people this is fucking bullshit that does feel good that's part of the game it's all part of the fun and reality it doesn't it doesn't matter at all you're you're a simulation and you probably will never die you will you will live in this simulation and it will fucking black out one day and you'll wake up in the middle of a fucking uh some sort of a forest fire with your friends and you're you're working in the in the in the blazing heat trying to put out this fire and that's your real life because you you know you you work up in some new reality And then it's going to keep going on and on and on. You're a clam on a table licking salt.

Yeah. It'll go on forever. There's no ending. You don't get a break. You don't get to sit behind the pearly gate someday and reminisce and try to figure out if it all went the way you wanted it to. Well, next time I'm going to come back as a baby. No, it's just one big thing that never ends.

Believing that doesn't make me feel like my plantar fasciitis is going to heal quicker. Well, you've got to put yourself in a different state of mind. Not that I have it. You've got to decide with your mind, because that's how you control this video game, you've got to decide with your mind to be the hero in your own story and that if you were going to be the hero in your own story

and the story was going to be fucking badass, what would the hero do right now? How would the hero get his shit together? It's a long ass movie. I need to invent dragons and dragons and hoverboards and I'm set. Maybe you could do it.

That's the calling. If that's your calling everybody has one but whatever your calling is you just gotta decide you're the hero in the story what would the hero do? It's really not that hard.

This fucking air conditioning sucks a fat bag of dick. If you don't mind if I could let him in here just so he can look at and check things. Jesus Christ. Right now? No, I mean like if he can just walk in the background, you know.

Does he want to come back right now? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure. Go get him. I think we're going to just wrap this up anyway, right? Are we done? What time is it? I think we're good.

Seven? Two hours, 15. Do you want to keep talking? Happy to if you'd like. Let's let that dude come in here. All right. Yeah, it's pretty, it's swampy. It's really hot.

It's swampy. I hear tropical birds cawing in my taint right now. It is rough. You could row a boat through it. The poor air conditioning is trying to do something ridiculous. This place is filled with holes. If you look at all these doors right here, you can see straight through. There's no insulation in this place.

Sure. There's fucking windows right there. The sun comes blazing down on those windows and it's 106 degrees outside and there's rabid bats in pasadena have you heard about that shit no what dude they found a rabid bat in pasadena now they're warning the residents in this particular area where we're at this is viral marketing that no marketing for a new batman movie that's all it is. This is leading up to Comic-Con. Could you imagine those sons of bitches? Can you imagine if they started manipulating the news? They have.

I mean, certainly. You think so? Yeah, well, I mean, maybe not releasing a rabid bat, but I mean, releasing the news report about it. They would certainly do that. We're going to bioengineer some rats and give them a poison and then send them out for the new movie Willard. We're pretty sure we know how to stop him.

They're really attracted to blood. We'll leave blood in the street. They'll all come out. We'll kill them all. Don't worry about it. They would do that at Comic-Con. They need to just release a patient zero at Comic-Con to promote the new Resident Evil

and just let them walk around and know that one guy at Comic-Con, if you meet him, you get a free t-shirt, but he'll also give you zombie aids. Have you seen the giant rats that they found in new york city some of them they found in the bronx well apparently it's it's a type of rat that's like uh fucking let me let me google it since brian isn't here but it's uh it's a huge fucking rat like so big like you you look at it you'll wait like pomeranian size or like clydesdale size um you're talking like like a johnson really yeah like one of those dotson

new york yeah there it is it's on a fucking it's it's crazy man it's uh on a uh spear and there's more than one of them they've one of them they killed when they're sending like exterminators into the sewers with spears to kill these rats look at the size of that you got killed it with a pitchfork holy shit yeah yeah they're they're they're a type of that's a rat not a rabbit or ferret or something no no that's a actual rat it's apparently a type of rat it's not like a regular street rat that people have had as pets and released. And apparently they get fucking big, man.

And that's the thing where people have always heard about rats in New York City. There's rats the size of cats in New York City. Well, there really are. Those are cruising around surface streets? That's not like miles under the ground in a sewage tunnel or something? Those guys are running around?

Oh, yeah. They're in houses and shit. They're digging their way into people's houses. Jesus. Yeah. There's another rat that they found in a shoe shop, and it was insanely big. It's going to get to the point where cockroaches are discovered that are that size. Look at the size of this rat.

They found this rat in a shoe shop in New York City. What is it holding that on? Is that like a vacuum? It looks like a shovel. A shovel? Yeah. The size of that fucking thing.

Jesus. Yeah. It's a cat. Insane. And meanwhile, there's as many of them as there are people. Right.

In New York City. Right. In New York City, there's as many of those. I hope they don't ever figure out how to organize. God, if one rat was coming out, you'd shit your pants. Sure.

I'd freak out if I see a spider the size of a dime coming down from the ceiling. The reality is they're eating something, right? So there's got to be, it's like set up, they're a part of the ecosystem. It's just a part that nobody in those fancy towers wants to ever think about. What is prey for that rat?

Are they eating other giant rats that size? Are they just dumpster diving? They certainly eat each other. I've had rats in my garage eat each other. I killed a big rat once, left the body out in the garage. It got killed in a trap. It was like midnight. I didn't feel like I was lazy.

I didn't feel like cleaning the trap. I said, I'll fucking clean it tomorrow. I went out there tomorrow, and the rat was gone. Everything but the tail. It was like midnight. I didn't feel like I was lazy. I didn't feel like cleaning the trap. I said, I'll fucking clean it tomorrow. I went out there tomorrow and the rat was gone. Everything but the tail. They had eaten him. Jesus. They ate his bones, dude. They ate everything.

Wow. I mean, it was crazy. They just left a little bit of skin and some parts of their feet. I mean, it was insane. Just enough to identify the body. And these were big fucking rats, too. The rats in the... I was in Encino in the time, in the hills, you know, above the valley.

Yeah. There's a lot of rats up there. God damn, there's a lot of rats. And coyotes everywhere. I mean, you want to... They're just... Those motherfuckers, they just keep checking in with Mother Nature to see if we wiped ourselves out yet.

They're like looking around. Nope. Nope. Lights are still on. Yeah, there's still people here. Yeah, but we're waiting. We're waiting. We're waiting until we take over again. And it it's not daisy yet you guys haven't nuked each other okay all right we'll cruise back and then come back out coyotes will run towards the blast when

there's a nuclear blast they're gonna run towards it just start fucking just eating the first thing they find first first dead person they find have you uh have you heard about this uh it's the the game called daisy it's an add-on to this it's this very realistic military simulator arma 2 but they they this guy made like one guy is making a little indie game called daisy and you start off and it's online and you're completely defenseless and helpless and on your own and there's a small zombie outbreak and there's a lot of human beings running around and you very quickly have to figure out what is more threatening to you you have to get your gun get your food get your ammo like try to meet you can meet up with random people and talk to them but nine times out of ten that random person's gonna shoot you in the face and that's what's

so insane is that like they built this simulator where it's a zombie outbreak but just like the real zombie outbreak would be the real threat are your fellow human beings it has nothing to do with the zombies really you know yeah in fact one guy uh blogged he was in a town like clearing it and these dudes came out of the bush with automatic rifles and like camouflage and the average lifespan for this game is only like a handful of hours most people get in they scrounge around just people kill you people kill you because they can yeah exactly they'll take your supplies once you see that you're good enough so you have to really take care of your character and be stealthy and try to build it up so this guy's in the middle of a city and like six dudes

pop out put him at gunpoint and they said we're gonna kill you unless you become our slave and the guy was like fuck i don't want to lose my character and they said listen you just follow us around for a few hours we're gonna send you into cities to scout for us we'll defend you if you get attacked but you have to be our slave and do what we say or else we're gonna kill you right now and the guy was like all right let's do this they made him kneel and pose for photos he was like a catch. Like people do this. And he said that at the end of it, like he went into cities and scouted for him.

And he really felt like he was one with the group after a few hours. And then like he went and they went to like clear a bus and they got ambushed. And slowly one by one, they were all getting killed. And he felt so bad. He was like, oh man, my group got killed. And he quickly identified with a group of online captors. Stockholm syndrome.

Yeah, but in a matter of minutes in the virtual world. Like, well, all right, I guess I'll go along with you. Here we go. Well, you could say that that guy's an idiot. Well, I mean, but what were his choices? Play another game. It doesn't suck so much. The game's ridiculous.

It's like Twitter in game form. Just allow someone to be a cunt anonymously. You can't have that. You know, that can't have that. Does it work? That's how all online games are. That's why 12 year olds call you a cunt and teabag you every five seconds. That just veneer of anonymity lets people

eviscerate each other. It brings out the worst. The worst in human beings. Whenever you have no consequences for your actions, it's a weird thing that we figured out how to do is that everyone's going to get connected but in doing so there's going to be some sort of a weird period where it's still sort of working itself out where there's anonymity and interaction at the same time and that's sort of where we're at right now yeah we have both anonymity and interaction. And hyper interaction, hyper connectivity. Really can't even take place anywhere else.

I mean, how else could that even take place except the internet? In the natural world that never exists. I mean, through like a, there's no fail-safes.

Well, like at a glory hole in an adult theater. Even then. You can fuck somebody else and not know who's on the other side of the divider. You could,

but they go, I feel your teeth, stop, stop, stop. I mean, even then there's consequences. Sure.

You know, you feel bad about your dick sucking job. Well, you know what's funny is I've, you can't even work a dick in a glory hole. I feel like, what's, stop, stop. I mean, even then there's consequences. Sure. You feel bad about your dick sucking job. Well, you know what's funny is I've... You can't even work a dick in a glory hole. What's this world coming to? Fucking Twitter. You are useless. Your dad was right.

But I have found that when people will tweet something negative to me, which is constantly, if I reply, if I spend half a second to reply and let them know that I actually listened to their criticism or I'm sorry you thought that what I said was terrible, but here's why I believe it. Just that ounce of attention actually makes people appalled. I mean, certainly there are trolls. Certainly there are trolls. But I've been pleasantly surprised at how open people are

once you kind of call them out on, you're kind of being a dick right now, but I do respect your opinion. It's really funny how that equalizes it. Yeah, sometimes. It is possible. Yeah, a lot of times they're just trying to get a reaction certainly but uh there's just there's a lot of cunts out there that are just jealous too they're jealous of the fact that they know who you are and you

don't know who they are so they lash out at you just because of that they see you on the shows like he's not even really a geek i'm a real geek he's a fake i love the geek test i love that they're so silly yeah people love just like things going. Like, have you ever gone to a fucking website that reviews cars? And dudes will go on about how automatic transmissions are for fags. Dudes will have like, wow, automatics are gay. They'll get angry that you don't shift your own gears. You don't even get to put your hand on a knob.

How gay is that? Like, really? You get so connected to the road. It's like it's made with vibrations. People will find anything to be angry about. They'll find anything to relate to. Anything. You know how many people are mad at us for shitting on Windows today?

I bet we get 100 tweets. Oh, you Mac fags. You just don't understand what a runtime error is really all about. I love it. I recently bought a gaming laptop and was tweeting out about it. I'm like, this is great. And not only did I get from the Mac fans, I got, oh, you went back to Windows? You're running a Windows machine?

That's a mistake. Then from gamers who should be supporting anybody who's playing PC games, a laptop? Oh, that must be because you love dick in your eye, right? That's why you went for a laptop, because you didn't get a tower? You didn't build it, bro? didn't oh you didn't water cool it whatever yeah you don't even overclock yeah and some guy got like i yelled at the nvidia the graphics card company because i was having a problem they weren't supporting the hardware that i bought you spend thousands of dollars on a machine and they don't officially support the

hardware that's in it yet like you couldn't download a driver for it first world fucking problem i'm well aware of that but i was against it and i tweeted it out and i got so many people that were like dude download the linux distro driver hack the inf file fucking right click it here's a five page tutorial on how to do it fucking get it going and i'm like really that's not that's not worth my time or money and that's how you're choosing to chastise me i appreciate that people are into that i appreciate totally i used to be one of those guys. Creating a Linux computer. I was a Unix guy.

I was a coder for sure. What did you do? What is the most impressive piece of code you ever wrote? Well, I shouldn't say that. I guess I was more a load balancer and stuff for routers and stuff. So I would balance the way packets were distributed in the boxes at an ISP. Oh, really? Back in the day.

So you worked at an ISP balancing packets? I mean, that was one of many, yeah, jobs I wrote. How do you do that? What do you do? How does that work? Go into INF, well, not INF files, but you go into files and basically look at the way packets are routed by IP address and packet type,

and you assign priorities to them, and you make sure that the servers can talk to each other. So one server isn't taking on everything. It's distributing the sort of network load against everything else. But I mean, there'd be that, there'd be phone tech support,

there would be writing visual basic installers for Windows 3.1 and dealing with Winsock errors and all sorts of crazy shit when the barrier to entry to get online

was actually pretty fucking difficult. What year were you online? What was the first year? What AOL was it? No, it wasn't. That's the thing. I'm so privileged.

You have mail. I feel so privileged to have not experienced the internet through Prodigy or AOL at first. I used something called the Knowledge Network. Prodigy was for serious people. Prodigy was for Rush Limbaugh fans. I worked for Prodigy. Did you really? Customer service.

Okay. We're going to pretend that we're calling in. Kevin, you're the caller and you've got an issue. And you call in. Brian, you're the caller, and you've got an issue, and you call. And Brian, you're the customer service guy. It was actually CallTech, which was a company that routed Prodigy calls through them. And I did Prodigy. This was back when call centers were handled in the U.S. still, right?

Okay, so you call. Ready, go. Brian, say hello. I don't want to know how you're going to fucking greet me. I need to be greeted. I'm the customer here. There needs to be a spiel. Hello, my name is Brian.

I'll do my Ticketmaster one. Thank you for calling Ticketmaster where American Express is the preferred method of payment. This call may be monitored for quality assurance purposes by a supervisor. This is Brian speaking.

How can I help you? You're a preferred American Express right off the bat, really? Yeah, the preferred sponsor. What's that all about? They probably paid for that. I'm sure there's a kickback. Well, Amex does early,

like if certain Amex cards get you early access to certain Ticketmaster events, it's all one big promotional kickback madness. Sons of bitches. It was crazy throwing a live event and seeing just how, that industry needs to be disrupted so bad. In what way?

For live events. Like ticket sales. We were charging essentially a $7 ticket for lead up. That's what we were asking, which turned into a $25 ticket after convenience fees, processing charges, the house gets their cut, like everything on their ticket.

$7 and it ended up costing $25. I have to do that when I do concerts in certain theaters, but I have to feel like they have to get paid too. Why else would they have a theater if they're not getting money? The theater is getting a very small fee on that ticket fee. They're getting a very small amount. The theater is going to make their money off the door and off of parking and off of food and beverage

mostly. Who's fucking you then? I think they're still partners on some of our lead up tours so we haven't completely divorced ourselves. But I love what Louis C.K. is doing with going completely independent and saying, look, there's certain companies that own venues. And in some areas, they own every fucking venue that's worth a damn. And there's some bands that have exclusivity with those venues. So if they tour, they have to play in one of those venues and use their ticketing systems.

It's all designed to maximize their profit and make it fucking impossible for you to make one as a small event in a big venue. And it needs to be disrupted. And the notion of, I guess you could kind of kickstart or something, but there should be a site or service where people can demand an event in their area. And if enough people demand it, then you can take bids from local venues, you know what I mean, to disrupt that model. So you're not picking a venue first, trying to guarantee a certain number of ticket sales, and then going on sale and trying to drum up publicity. Hmm. I could see your point in that if you are doing this, you can force bands to pay, to

charge much more. But is it because the people, they have contracts to keep steady work coming in because otherwise i mean how much steady work is going to come into these theaters i don't know how that business really works i think it's i think it's i think they have well i shouldn't say half the time i really don't know that the numbers there but i have those metrics shake out but i believe they are purchasing venues you know like a ticket agency like they own the venue don't they have agreements with like like talent agencies i mean how do they work all like they own the venue don't they have agreements with like like talent agencies i mean how do they work all that sometimes um yeah i don't know what

specifics i could get into like yeah yeah it's but what what do you think specifically should be disrupted you think that it's too difficult it's too easy to control the market is that what it is yeah well i mean it's you're you're locked out if you want to play uh if you want to play a certain type of venue in certain cities you have no choice but to go with a certain ticketing agency that has their own built-in fees and system. Because the ticketing agency has a deal with the venue. They have an agreement with the venues. Or sometimes they own the venues.

But don't you think that's because they can provide the acts to the venue? Isn't that the idea behind it? Sometimes. But as an independent who isn't signed on with that, you still have to play that game. You know what I mean? Oh, gosh. You don't have a choice. You literally don't have a choice in certain areas with certain venues but what i think needs to be disrupted is the notion of we're going like if you're going to go tour you pick your dates and your clubs probably based off of metric ton of

data or off of twitter right and then you say we're going to go to these things and you go on sale and you have to promote and hope you sell those tickets and hope that goes through i think there needs to be a kickstarter style model where people can within like you can pick an area. And so within you set a radius, 100 miles, 200 miles. I want to throw an event here. Describe your event. And then as people like on Facebook or whatever or they donate, I'm going to spend $20 on that event for, you know, a little extra bonus and become an evangelist of your brand or of your tour. So I'm going to sign up more people and And I'm incentivized to sign up people.

I think you can see what the demand is in an area first. Incentivize early adopters to raise publicity about your event by giving them kickbacks or stickers or extra merch or whatever for being an evangelist. And that way, when you launch the tour, you already know you've pre-sold X amount in those areas because people have committed. So it's not like Kickstarter for touring.

That's an interesting idea. Yeah. That's a great idea. That's what I want to do. That's what you want to do? Sure. I want to do four billion things. And again, you said it live without doing it.

Well, here's the thing. You know what? I started to do it, actually. I started to do it and just realized I have too many plates spinning right now. So if someone wants to do that, awesome. I hope you do. I'd love to use that service. And if you want me on the advisory board, fuck yeah. But I just don't have the, you know, I got a lot of plates spinning right now. So if someone wants to do that, awesome. I hope you do. I'd love to use that service. And if you want me on the advisory board,

fuck yeah. But I just don't have the, you know, I'm, I got a lot of plates spinning. So, but wouldn't that be a great way? It is,

is the big venues and nice places are all locked up. Pretty much. Yeah. Pretty much. And, uh, yeah, I mean,

you have to go with a, there's, there's ticket master venues. So if you want to play at a certain venue, you're paying ticket master. That's happening. Didn't, who was the band that tried to, Seattle, what the fuck? Pearl Jam.

Pearl Jam tried to stop that, right? Yeah. And they, I mean, they did for their fans. But, you know, that's like Radiohead saying, anybody can release an album for free online. It's like, well, you can if you've reached a certain size. Right. You know, if you're Pearl Jam, you can fight back against Ticketmaster. If you're trying to throw a night of comedy together or throw together a nerd carnival and you you know

you have to play by their rules right right right yeah it's wild hmm that's interesting and it's well it's hard to run a fucking venue i'd imagine man who what a thankless gig have a bunch of assholes come and put on fucking shows at your place really cups behind well i mean that's part of you i mean that's you're you're paying for someone to clean up their venue you're always paying for that it's not like you know that's that's built in that's why the venue should get their charge if they're throwing the event there then sure you're paying for them to to staff people to clean it up and make sure microphones work and lights work i mean that's what you're paying for but but 17 for a convenience fee, there's nothing convenient about that.

What is the convenience fee? It all depends. It's a sliding scale. On a certain price ticket, there's a built-in fee plus a percentage. So you have to price your tickets at a certain way so that you don't end up fucking everybody else over. And you end up losing money on that front. That sounds like if you were more successful, though, and you sold more tickets, you wouldn't have that problem. You'd still make money.

Yeah. Look, you can certainly make money off ticket sales that's absolutely true even how did ticketmaster and how all these companies like lock everything down like this uh well at one point in time i think they were very convenient and they were sort of the only game and then they then they started going to events and doing you know deals with them you're going to sell your tickets through ticketmaster and nobody else and look we're online and we're easy and we're great and customers love it and then once that was entrenched and they bought their deals and did deals with people who own the venues,

then they lock you out. How do they keep power? I mean, I think it's a snob. There's certainly companies that are trying to disrupt it, like Brown Paper Tickets. They're trying to do independent ticketing for events. That's what I used for the last one. Yeah, there's a lot of companies

that are trying to disrupt that space, but to throw events at certain venues. they're nice venues they're great venues right that's why we chose club nokia i mean it was phenomenal great venue and i loved everybody that worked there it was a great experience but it's just unfortunate that you want to charge seven dollars for something and because of the the system that's entrenched around it you end up charging 25 that's sad that hurts you know that's that's triple what we want to charge you know right it's still only 25 bucks stop complaining so lead up is gonna be like people are gonna perform you're gonna have i want it to be i want it to be a carnival a true carnival atmosphere i want you to be able to play

ski you're gonna wear a bow tie be weird are you gonna like be a weird host i'm gonna put on that that green suit with the question marks on it yes like like either like the government or the guy that's selling you things on the steps of the government the question mark two-face guy well hello nerds let me pander to you for an hour yeah you're gonna have to do something to stand out as the promoter perhaps something with feathers would you be interested in wearing a boa absolutely yeah i would i would rock a i would rock a boa on stage you know like how many guys who are the host have to like wear do something flamboyant like have a cigarette a cigarette holder or that's him he's the host right see him with the cigarette

and the cigarette holder he's our host i love how we're opening this year's tour i'm uh mike realms coming along so i'm gonna play drums with him for a little bit of his set and jimmy realm oh he's in a mike mike realm is a phenomenal vj he's one of the the guys that spin those visuals he's closed the olympics he's toured with the blue man group like oh they have pro vj like he's the tiesto of vjs is that what i think so i'd put him on that on that par yeah absolutely he he does remixes for oh you're getting hypnotized by our first lead-up promo um he uh he's one of those guys that will cut all the trailers for official movies

and films and stuff like that, all the remix trailers, but we're opening it up with that old HBO 80s theme. You know, like HBO would play before every movie where you'd fly over the city and then you'd fly into the letters.

We're doing that. I don't even remember that. Oh my God, hold that shit up. It's so good. It's one of my favorite creepy movies. It's so good.

And the documentary on them making that is brilliant. They were like, they invested so much money in building a little stop motion animated town that the camera could fly over and they comped in the average family watching TV, like gathering around to watch HBO and the camera flies over the city and goes into the stars. It was a beautiful piece of advertising. You need to explain to me how you don't like Game of Thrones because I just don't understand you. I guess I got to give it three episodes't like Game of Thrones because I just don't understand you.

I guess I got to give it three episodes because I watched the first one and it was a lot of talking and you know. A lot of people said the same thing and it took like five episodes

for some people. I know I was in the minority. A lot of people got upset about that but those people get upset about Windows users. This defines, yeah,

this is my childhood. Gather round, kids. HBO time. So cool back in the day. Yeah. Great sound design. The car's honking. A little bus on a pull string.

It's a fake town. They had a whole fake town. Hell yeah, they did. Beetlejuice is going to pop out of one of those buildings any second. The build up, here we go. Some dude at a synth in a studio is rocking it right now. He's 80.

Whoa. Oh my god. Yeah. Look at that 3D. Flying HBO spaceship. Wait. Let's enter it. Board it.

Let's go into the zero. Yeah, let's go into the zero. Let's go into O. Wow. HBO feature presentation. That's like orgasmic. Refractory period right there. I gotta tell you that I have forgotten about that 100% completely.

Do you remember it though? I sort of barely remember it. Isn't that great? But that was something that had been erased from my mind. Fuck yeah, we're bringing that back. We're doing a hardcore electronica double bass, just madness remix of that. That's what we're going to open it. A madness remix?

Fuck yeah. Wow. So you're going to have this. You're going to have the VJ. You're going to have what podcasts are going to perform? Well, right now i'm just sort of leading the night like uh we got epic meal times coming with us for most of the tour harley and the guys so we're gonna meal time uh brilliant youtube series where guys like make like 900 000 calorie

burgers and pizzas or they'll go to every fast food restaurant and get one of everything on the menu roll it up into a deep fried dough thing and then eat it and put jack daniels all over it oh my god it's brilliant it's a great's, there's epic music behind it. The cuts are great. They're buying 40 pounds of bacon at the supermarket, filling up the shopping cart, like, and then just make these high caloric things and just eat them.

So Harley came out at the first one and we interviewed him and then we brought, we built like a, it's on YouTube. Yeah. Oh, it's a great series on YouTube. What's better, that or man versus food?

I don't do man versus food. I do, I do Hell's Kitchen. Is it too mainstream for you? No, no, no, no. I do Hell's Kitchen. do uh i do hell's kitchen for you no no no i do hell's kitchen hell's kitchen hell's kitchen is about as mainstream as it gets and i fucking love that show it's one of my favorite shows gordon ramsay getting pissed off about somebody's risotto is the greatest moment in my life i look forward to them making fucking uh how horrible must it be for those dudes to go to a you're working at a restaurant some shit restaurant you've been working at the same shit restaurant forever.

It's always been shit. You just fucking put out your shitty meatloaf and you don't even think about it. And all of a sudden, Gordon Ramsay shit. Oh, that's the kitchen nightmares, right? Yeah, that's kitchen nightmares.

Oh my God. I love that. I love how every single restaurant owner on Kitchen Nightmares truly believes they're not gonna get raped by Gordon Ramsay. Yeah.

And then they're just crying in the kitchen while he's powering into them over the oven. We got a good salad. We got a good dressing on the salad. These are good croutons. Where do you store the salad?

Oh, the trunk of my car? We put ice in there once a week when we get new lettuce. And they pull out like those moldy things out of the refrigerator. It's just fur. It looks like cats mixed with lettuce. How much of that is staged? None of it's staged. None of it?

No, no. Kitchen Nightmare is definitely not staged. I actually would. Like Pawn Stars and stuff's staged. None of it? No, no. Kitchen Nightmare's definitely not staged. I actually would. Like Pawn Stars and stuff is staged, but I mean, how many shitty, disgusting restaurants are there in LA alone that have C's in the window where you know there's just sour cream under a pile of dead cats in the kitchen? Like that shit exists right now. That's where we store it.

That's where Grandpa used to. Yeah. What do you have to do to get a D? Have you ever seen a D? I ate at a Dairy Queen with a C once. Yes. Really? It was my first week ever smoking pot.

And we made a trip, five mile walk to a Dairy Queen with a c once yes it was my first week ever smoking pot and i we made a trip five mile walk to a dairy queen with a c because i decided an orio blizzard was our fucking holy grail and i shat myself senseless did you literally oh yeah immediately when i we walked back and we were sober and i was like that was a well that was a trek and then immediately everybody who wait there like three other guys were like uh later bro everyone got sick everybody just just screaming assholes wow a c you have to really go out of your way to get a c it's usually asian restaurants i've noticed and that's not to be racist or anything it's just that that's what i've been because i i'm like addicted to looking at the letters and every almost every time i look it's always an asian restaurant that's like a b or c people beat the drum for deregulation on everything.

And yet I wouldn't eat at a restaurant if half the restaurants, if I didn't believe that there was a solid blue letter in the window that was somehow certified. And someone was looking out for that. The fact that we don't want to, we don't want to monitor what goes into our food and how it's made and why it's made like people that are against labeling foods. Like those are genetically modified foods.

Like they're like, you can't put that on the list. Why the fuck can't you put it on the label? They're it now they're fighting it tooth and nail yeah the gmo foods you know gmo is scary stuff man this is all real i mean some of it can certainly help people sure but some of it is real experimental they don't know what the fuck's gonna happen in 50 years with this shit they're like look we tried it on a couple rats those rats did all right how about we think it's safe now. How about the cross-pollination of other people's plants?

You know, their genetically modified plants are getting into other people's crops and some of these people are getting sued for... Oh yeah, your Monsanto corn

or your seed flew across the highway and now I have your trademark corn growing in my field. What? Monsanto created Agent Orange,

created DDT. Like, they created some seriously scary shit before they started fucking around with genetically modified foods. Well,

that's the really scary shit. Yeah. That's what's crazy. And, well, not only that, there was speculation for a long time

that they bought Blackwater. You mean XI? Yeah, XI. I love how quickly their name changed. They changed again.

Yeah, they did. Agency or something like that? Yeah. Something along those lines. I love how quickly the name changed. They changed again. Yeah, they did. Agency or something like that. Something along those lines. But they were sold by someone and the speculation was that they were sold by Blackwater.

They were sold through some private corporation. And that was, could you imagine if Monsanto bought Blackwater? Like what? If they bought their own mercenary group

because they face some serious resistance in other countries. Oh, yeah. Especially in India where in India, something like every 30 seconds, a farmer commits suicide in India because he owes money to Monsanto. Hundreds of thousands of farmers have committed suicide because they're involved in debts they can't pay off and they just get fucked. I don't know why they have to make these deals with Monsanto. I don't know the intricacies of the corruption and how it's pulled off.

But they develop this relationship where these people, that's where they're getting their seeds from. And they have to get their seeds from them every year. Well, isn't it that they sell them like a bacteria-resistant strain or a Roundup Ready-style strain? And they put that in, but it ends up killing other things or ends up generating its own problems. So now they've got to buy the solution from Monsanto as well. Isn't that how that process works works that they bury themselves in debt i don't know i think it is i don't know but there's a lot of issues to it i mean if you can go and read it i get sad and i just stop reading it and go to other things i when you hear that

every 30 seconds a farmer's committing suicide because of it and well in brazil brazil just sued monsanto and brazilian farmers won won. Billions of dollars. Billions. I mean, what does that mean? I mean, does it mean that we have to go to fucking Brazil to get good food? Right. It means one less caviar ski-do for somebody at Monsanto

who's already got billions of dollars. Brazil might not be a bad place to live when the shit hits the fan. I would be down. I love Brazil. I'm just going to get a fucking book on Portuguese. Do you speak?

I don't. Your dad's Portuguese? I don't. He is, yeah. I told you, he wears the bottle of Dr to get a fucking book on Portuguese. Do you speak? I don't. Your dad's Portuguese? I don't. He is. Yeah. I told you he wears the bottle of Dracar. He's definitely Portuguese. He's got thick black chest hair with like giant golden eagles and crosses dangling into

it. Really? Oh yeah. And a great pedo stache. The Amber Alert is strong with him. Really? Love him. Yeah.

He's full on Portuguese and we'll shout it with bread rolls at his mouth. Does he? You know, at family dinners. Has he been to Brazil? He's from the Azor Islands. Oh, really? Yeah. I saw a whole special.

Anthony Bourdain went there. Great cuisine there. Yeah. It's supposed to be amazing. Yeah, amazing. It's a trek that I need to take, but I want to take a road trip to Brazil. Why did so many Portuguese move to Massachusetts and Rhode Island? What the hell is that about? I don't know.

Was it proximity? Is it? The first place you fly into? I don't know. Was it proximity? Is it? The first place you fly into? Massive amount live in Fall River, Massachusetts. Fall River, Massachusetts is a real Portuguese area. Do they have a lot of gaudy beaded sweaters? No. Because that's where they would go. A bunch of different spots in Rhode Island.

There was whole towns where people talked Portuguese in Rhode Island. Like Woonsocket. I think that was it. Woonsocket was a part of Rhode Island where you would go, and it was like a Portuguese fishing village. Crazy. Yeah. Are you in touch with your heritage?

Are you really in touch with your heritage and your roots and your ethnicities and all that jazz? That's where we have to wrap this up. Oh, shit. Three hours somehow or another it gets too much time on the the the uh audio and fucks on the other you're gonna say on the audience i'm like i can see that well that too jesus christ we've rambled forever i would love by the way sincerely if you let's figure out if you want to come on and do if you want to try out your uh your idea of doing like a q a kind of thing if you want to do that one of our shows figure something like that that out, but it would have to be on a weekend I have off.

Certainly. That's the problem. Most weekends I'm doing something. Gotcha. But I'm trying to do less this year. I've done less this year. I stopped doing – I don't do all the shows for the UFC anymore. I used to do all the pay-per-views.

Then I would do the Spike shows. Then they sold to FX and Fox Fox and then they have these fuel shows and so I don't do any of those. I only do Fox and pay-per-view. So I miss all, like there's a show tomorrow night. There's one that's going on tonight in San Jose. So the weigh-in rather was today.

The fights are tomorrow night. So I'm missing that one. Are you going to go to it? No, no, no, no. So I'm trying to travel less. I'm trying to just do. Are you doing that so you can, what are you focusing that time on?

Are you focusing that time on? Comedy and this. Podcast and comedy. It's more fun to me. It's like the podcast, one of the things that's happened from the podcast is somehow or another we've developed this gigantic group of people

that are really into the podcast and they're rabid. I'm one of them. Oh, thanks, man. Absolutely. I listen to it all the fucking time. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. I listen to it all the fucking time. Oh, thanks, man. Yeah.

So we owe them. We're linked. I mean, they've been nice to us. Sure. And we're the only ones who can make this podcast. So we owe them to keep doing this. And it doesn't even feel like an obligation to me. It feels like an obsession.

Like, I fucking love it. It's like yesterday we had Tommy Chong. Today we got you. Tomorrow we got this Adam Kokesh guy from adam versus the man i hope i'm saying his last name right um but it's um it's fun it's it's interesting i'm learning a lot about learning a lot about fucking human beings i'm learning a lot listening to different people's stories and experiences what is if i may like what do you think the overall takeaway has been? Because you've chatted with some diverse groups of people and had, you know, had some interesting like topics of conversation that repeat themselves from person to person.

Is it, is there a common thread that has surprised you at all? Or is it pretty much what you figured when you were getting into it in terms of the way humans think, operate, communicate? It's, it surprised me how much positivity can be generated inside of one group. That's what surprised me because that wasn't an intention. It wasn't an intention to start this thing and have all these people telling me that it changes our life and they become this really positive person and they're decided to cut out all the negative bullshit in their life and try to get a job they really want and try to be healthy. I never expected any of that. That's awesome. That has been the most shocking storyline through the whole thing.

This is just how I live my life, and I've lived my life that way to try to manage my own reality and to try to live a happy existence. And what I've learned over the years is that the nicer you are to people, the happier you are. The more nice people you're around, the happier your life will be. And if you all just commit, I've been a cunt in my life.

I think we all have, you know, had shitty moments where we just didn't have good control over our emotions or our state of mind or our tension level or whatever the fuck it was. It made you lash out when you shouldn't have, or insulted someone when you could have avoided it or whatever the fuck it is that made you a cunty person at the moment. We've,

we've all done that. So it's, we can all know that it's possible to aspire to a higher state of consciousness, to a higher state of behavior, a higher level of behavior, and that it makes you a better person and it enriches your environment. Like we all know the one person. Like everybody has a friend that's like a joy to be around, and he's like Joey Diaz, like a life of a party type dude.

Like you want to be around him. Why? Because he makes you feel good because it's good feelings and you know we all should have something like that we all should have you know aspects of ourselves that we put out there that people like and that they do the same and then we all benefit from each other we all get inspired by each other and we all grow together. And I think too many people are out there in this world thinking, you know, I'm going to fucking be the baddest motherfucker

and I'm going to fucking be the man. Right. And no one's ever sold as many tickets as me and no one's ever sold as many records as me and no one's ever had as many downloads as me.

Or whatever it is. Or your shit sucks because A, I either can't make it myself or B, I'm trying to make it and I'm insecure that it's better than my shit.

So your shit sucks. Not your tastes. Exactly. There's a lot of music that is amazing that I don't like. I know classical music is amazing but I don't listen to it.

The only time I ever listen to classical music is I'll put it in the background occasionally when I write. I'll have a little classical music in the background if I feel like I'm into it. But for the most part,

I like rock. I like old school rock. I like Zeppelin. I like The Doors. How do you feel about dubstep? I'm not'm into it. But for the most part, I like rock. I like old school rock. I like Zeppelin. I like The Doors. How do you feel about dubstep? I'm not really into it. Oh, man. Have you heard Skrillex's Doors song?

Yeah, it sounds cool. Sounds cool. To me, it's like it's new metal. To me, it has the aggression and the feeling that old metal used to give me. To me, it's newer. If it sounds like 40 Roombas raping Robocop, I'm in. It's not that I don't like it. It's just that I prefer songs.

Sure. I prefer the Battle of Curtis Lowe to that. You know what I mean? Fair enough. If I have to listen, I've got to listen to something. Sure. I can't listen to everything.

I don't have the time. You know what I'm saying? I feel you. Kevin Pereira. I love the fact that you have the balls to fucking jump off that show, dude. It's a very successful show. You're the starter of it,

the creator of it. Thank you. You had the balls to just bail right in the middle of it. That was a tough decision. I'm sure it was. That was hard. But it's the right one show you the starter of it the creator of it thank you you had the balls just bail right in the middle that was a tough decision i'm sure it was but it's the right one you're a bad motherfucker dude you could do anything you want oh thanks man you're gonna wind up probably you're probably better off on the internet anyway you know if you ever need any help ever promoting anything oh thank you man thank you and a drop of a hat you just let us know we'll come here in the middle of the night man we'll do whatever the fuck we need to appreciate

it anytime thank you man always a pleasure we'll figure out a lead-up thing. We'll figure something out. Cool. We'll make something happen, you dirty bitches out there in cyberspace. See you in Comic-Con. Yeah, we'll be there Friday night at Comic-Con. It'll be Ari Shafir, Brian Redband, Sam Tripoli, and moi. Let me look up, if you can.

I actually should probably plug on supercreative.tv. You can find a link to our Twitter account. I'm not going to explain it. And if you want to follow Kevin on Twitter, don't try to spell his name correctly. Go to my Twitter. Find the link for K-P-E-R-E-I-R-A. And then follow that.

But we're doing flash mob beer parties at Comic-Con. So if you follow us on Twitter, I'm going to tweet out our GPS location. And for like an hour at that bar, the drinks are on me. Oh, you silly, silly man. Please follow. It'm going to tweet out our GPS location. And for like an hour at that bar, the drinks are on me. Oh, you silly, silly man. That's a bad idea. Please follow.

It's going to get insane. So thank you for letting me say that. That's beautiful. Oh, please. So Friday night at Comic-Con, we'll be at the American Comedy Company in San Diego. That's what it's called? American Comedy Company. I'll be there Thursday.

Joe will be there Friday. And we have a naughty show Saturday. So tickets are on sale at DeathSquad.tv. Naughty shows are very fun, too. If you've never been to one, they're awesome. And this one, he'll have Tara Patrick, the great Tara Patrick there. All right, that's the end of this fucking show. Ice House tomorrow night.

Oh, that's right. Tomorrow night, we have a super show at the Ice House. This will sell out. It's in the main room. So if you want to get tickets, go to icehousecomedy.com. It is Dom Irera, Greg Fitzsimmons, Ari Shafir, Brian Redband, Aiko Tanaka, Ryan Mervis, and me. Jesus.

And, yeah, and it's only $15, and we hang around afterwards, and we take pictures, and we do a podcast that goes on. While the show is going on, we will be in the green room preparing and fucking around, and we have a podcast with all the comics together. And in my opinion, it's one of the best podcasts we do. It's called The Ice House Chronicles. And it's only available on Death Squad. Death Squad is our label on iTunes for all of Brian's podcasts.

Brian has how many different podcasts you have over there now? I'm doing about nine right now. Jesus, son! What the fuck are you trying to do? Take all these people's time! Kill myself. Anyway, a lot of them are very funny, but the Ice House Chronicles is my favorite.

It's just a great hang. It's a real green room experience is what it is. It's us and all of our favorite friends who are fucking hilariously funny. And every time people in town... Like, I just got a request for Tom Rhodes. He wanted to come to this one. He was hoping we had one on Friday.

He didn't know because he's in L.A. It's like people are hearing about him. They want to be a part of him. They're really fun. And they're only available on iTunes under the Death Squad label. So go there. Go to deathsquad.tv. Buy yourself a Hitler cat or Charlie Chaplin.

Trademarked. Trademarked. Oh. This is one of my higher primate shirts. This is one of my sillier ones. I have a t-shirt company that I never talk about. It's Higher Primate. If you go to higher-primate.com it's all like monkeys and psychedelic drugs. I've got some new

designs coming in. I've got a bunch of new things happening. All that will be done when my new website is done, which is also the answer to when my new comedy special will be released. I'm doing it Louis C.K. style. It will all be done through my website, and it will all be done when my website's released. It will be within the next couple of months. All right, that's it, you dirty bitches.

Thanks to the Fleshlight. Go to JoeRogan.net. Click on the link. Enter in the code name Rogan. Save yourself 15% off. Number one. Sex toy for men. Thanks to Onnit.com.

Makers of Alpha Brain. Here's my bitches. I ain't playing. I take this shit before anything I do that's important because I'm not that smart on my own. I need help. I need coffee. I got two Mountain Dews here. I'm not fucking around. Alright, my friends. We'll see you tomorrow with the star of

Adam vs. the Man, a very controversial and militant internet program that I love the fuck out of. We're the Man, a very controversial and militant sort of internet program that I love the fuck out of. So we're going to have a great time tomorrow as well. Next week, we got shit. I got a lot of things coming. I'll tell you guys later. All right.

Go to Onnit.com. Use the code name Rogan. Save yourself 10% off any of the supplements. And go get yourself some kettlebells so you can be a manly man. All right? Holla. Psh. I told you it's an inspiration.