The Joe Rogan Experience - #2389 - Sal Vulcano

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Sal Vulcano is a stand-up comic and the co-creator, star, and executive producer of the comedy show “Impractical Jokers." He’s also the co-host of the podcasts “Hey Babe!” with Chris Distefano and “Taste Buds” with Joe DeRosa. Catch his latest special, “Terrified,” on HBO Max.www.salvulcanocomedy.comwww.youtube.com/@salvulcanoofficialhttps://www.hbomax.com/movies/sal-vulcano-terrified/587fe357-435e-449d-bf43-c5555fd1e009 Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Buy 1 Get 1 Free Trucker Hat with code ROGAN at happydad.com This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/JRE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Rogan podcast checking out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night All day Yep What's up? What's the last time I saw you? It was, I was here promoting my special

Man, it was June of last year Damn, time flying Yeah, yeah A fucking whole year. I had another child since then even Oh my goodness, congratulations Look at you out there breeding

Right. Contribute it to the population. How old are you? I'll be 49 in November. Did you do the math, like when your kid's 20? I've done every map. Every piece of math you could do. It's depressing.

Yeah. No, I am. That's exactly what happened. I started with a trainer four weeks ago. And just did all this blood work and taking all these scans and tests and stuff now just because I'm like, I have to. Yeah. I have to be here as long as possible.

It changes the game when you have children. Yeah. You can fuck off. and do coke and heroin and fucking sleep. Yeah, yeah. Luckily, I wasn't doing that. No, but as soon as you have a kid, you're like, oh, my God, I want to leave my kid. I was eating because I was the assail.

I was, like, backing out of the driveway, but not looking, but like now. Most of my Instagram algorithm is things that I shouldn't eat. Yeah. It's like sandwiches, sandwiches and pizza. You have trouble with that stuff? No. No, not at all. No, I don't have trouble.

Yeah. I just know it's not good for you. Yeah. Mostly I eat good stuff. what's what's what's what's like a yeah you're like an like a like an like an egg white no I eat yokes okay yokes are the healthy part

yokes yeah yeah yeah I eat the whole egg but I have chickens what's your eggs are you like a like do you have like a diet like an Olympic like are you like an Olympian no no no no I eat weighing your food no no no no no no I eat way too much if I weighed my food I'd be like I eat for a 300 pound man

yeah was that because that's because of how much you exercise and stuff it's a that but also I'm a glutton yeah I'm a glutton but you could do it yeah I can get away with it yeah but I do eat a lot like if I go out to dinner I will eat a large steak I will have multiple sides of multiple appetizers and then I look like I'm pregnant when I leave you that's how you eat yeah you just hang it down I fucking eat I eat a lot of food man it's not it's not smart how do you burn all your calories is it all trink like

you have like jihitsu stuff or whatever I do a lot of working out but I also do intermittent fasting. I'm just smart about when to be a glutton and then when to back off. Yeah. I just don't keep my foot on the gas. That's all. But like when I go to New York, it's all Italian food. It's Italian food for like three days. You got to. I can eat it every day. I could too. It's a problem. It's a problem. It's all Italian subs and pasta. You have your favorite spots in New York? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a bunch of spots. I got a bunch of spots. I got a spot in Vegas, too. We were just at this place, Guytonos. It's all handmade pasta with imported flour from Italy. We ate there after the fights. Oh, my God. I love it. I have to go

there. I'm going, I'm going through Vegas on it. I'm still touring the tour that I was here with last that started in 24. I'm going through till all the way through 26. Oh, nice. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I took like a three month. Well, I took a break when I had my, my new baby and then I took like a little bit of a like a six month but now I'm like back at it full I got a bunch of big shows coming up so it's like let me get out there and like tell people I'm still alive yeah you got gotta get out there if you want to do something because it's like you know if you just work in the city yeah you can't really put together an hour no I mean I piece it together I mean I'm constantly on the road I just I just went down just to have a little bit of a breather because

we just finished rap in season 12 of the show and so I was touring and doing the show and I had and I had a kid so it's like I just couldn't even and then we produced another show and all that shit in between so it's like I just haven't been I went on hiatus on my podcast and stuff because I had to something had to give so now it's like let me let me just get back out there and just now I'm not filming I'm just really focusing on the tour and like a new pot I got coming out when you do stand up do you take guys with you that are your friends on the road yeah that's the move yeah all the time that's the only way to go it it makes it it fun yeah fun as a fun as a It's like, yeah, you're with buddies.

It's like a vacation that you get to work at. Yeah, if I didn't, it can get depressing fast. Real fast. Yeah. If you're solo. Super fast. If you're solo and you're working with local openers, especially if they're boring. Yeah.

And they're not fun to hang out with. Oh, yeah. That's in the club and the groom. I'm even talking about in, like, the hotel and stuff. Oh, that's bad, too. Yeah. You just got to find things to do. For me, it's always I work out and I play pool.

So those are two things that occupy a lot of my time. Yeah. So that's good. I didn't work out and I didn't play pool, so. I'm like, I got this guy, right? And I'm like, I'm weak. I have no stamina. I'm old.

And like I need to reverse all this, you know? So like you're going to start with me now and I'm really going to show you nothing. Well, that's good. Yeah. I understand where I am here. But that's good. Yeah. You'll be able to see progress.

Yeah. No matter where you're at. If you're thinking about working out, do it. Because it's a good place to start, no matter where you're at. Yeah. If you're really fit, great. Good place to start. Yeah.

Get even more fit. Sure. If you're out of shape, great. Good place to start. Good place to start. Baby steps, don't go too hard. Don't get hurt. Build up slow.

Yeah. I got some blood work back and I was like, I need to change somebody's numbers. And, like, also I got like an in-depth blood work. And, like, they told me all this extra stuff that I couldn't have known. And then one is I'm very susceptible to soft tissue injury. Oh, you're a bitch. Yeah, I'm a bitch. It said bitch.

I was translating it. It said bitch on the paper, and then this is how I make myself feel better about it. How do they determine whether you're soft tissue injury? Whether you're a bitch and that? That doesn't even make any sense. I don't know. It just said I'm very susceptible to like, I guess, whatever it is, ligament, bruising, ligament, like that kind of stuff. Well, that's just from years of not lifting weights.

That's all that is. You think that's just changed my blood so that that's, yeah? 100%. Well, I told the guy, and he's like, that's good to know. And then like my sixth session, I like, we would do in that thing where like I throw a medicine bowl down really hard and then like catch it and then swing it to him. And like on the swing to him, I was like, ah! Yeah, you got to, I would never have you do stuff like that to start out with. Yeah.

To start out, you should do body weight stuff and you should do it like moderately. Like when I had a bunch of guys in here, we were doing comedians workouts on Tuesdays. And one of the things that we always did was you sometimes did Tuesdays and Thursdays, but one of the things we always did in if anybody's just starting out, I'm like, do not go to failure, do not push yourself. I don't, I want you to get out of here and feel fine. Yeah, no, he did say that, to be fair. He's not like killing me or anything, but we worked up to that, but that one, and then we did it backed off of it. Well, rotational stuff is difficult because, you know, you're putting all, especially if you're not particularly coordinated and you're throwing a lot of torque, you know, one way or the other way when you throw in a medicine ball, especially. I got tons of torque here.

Torque. A lot. I got so much torque, right? Like, what do you? I don't understand, like, what? This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. When it came time to make a website, there was no question that we would power it with Squarespace from the intuitive design intelligence that helps to create a bespoke digital identity to the seamless payment options. that can help give your customers more ways to pay

or the fact that you can measure your end-to-end online performance with powerful website and seller analytics. The reasons to power your website with Squarespace are endless. So if you're looking to build or even upgrade your current website, check out Squarespace.com for a free trial or go to squarespace.com slash Rogan to save 10% off your first website or domain purchase. Check out the big stars,

big series and blockbuster movies streaming on Paramount Plus cue the music like NCIS Tony and Ziva We'd like to make up for own rules Tulsa King We want to take out the competition The Substance

This balance is not working And the naked gun That was awesome Now that's a mountain of entertainment Paramount What would determine Whether or not you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury. The only thing that makes sense is that you haven't been working out,

like, unless there's a biomarker. Yeah. Is there? I think so, yeah. Let's try perplexity this is our new sponsor. Let's find out. Put that in perplexity, find out. What is a biomarker that would indicate you're more susceptible to soft tissue injury? I had my results in a PDF somewhere. I can call my doctor. Well, we'll find out. We'll find out quick. But it just, to me, The only thing that would make sense is that you haven't been using that tissue. That's the only thing that would make sense. And there's probably things that they could show in terms of levels of like creatinine. I think that's how you say it and maybe some other stuff that would indicate.

Here it goes. What biomarker would indicate one susceptible to soft tissue injuries? Well-supported biomarker that indicates susceptibility soft tissue injuries. Genetic variant. Oh, and the elastin, ELN, gen. gene. Interesting, which has been identified as a marker of ligament weakness and may signal increased risk of injury. Whoa. Yeah, there you go. So that's what you have. I'm a variant. I'm a, what do you call this? What do you call this X-Men? I'm a mutant. So this is the word I was

looking for. Classic serum protein markers like creatine canase, lactate, what's that word, diodrogenase, and myoglobin reflect muscle tissue breakdown and can indivinease. And can, tissue vulnerability or prior damage, but they're used in predicting susceptibility as opposed to recent injury as opposed to recent injury is less robust. Recent research has also shown that profiling early healing stages through mass spectrometry. Jesus Christ. Spectrometry can identify multiple proteins whose baseline alterations may point to greater risk for delayed or poor recovery. Hmm. So what does this guy got you doing?

like what is like a typical workout for you he switches it up every single every single time I mean I've been doing I've been seeing him about four weeks three times a week how'd you find him he actually lived in the building next to me oh and I ran into him this weird stuff has been happening like this lately like I'm like I really got to get a trainer and I was like walking in between that we had a little thing like thing in the between the buildings and he like he just was there talking to someone and I he mentioned because I'm a physical train I'm like I need someone he's like I'll walk over we'll do it so I do it like 630 no that's the thing that's a little harder too is like I the only time I could do it at 6.30 in the morning because I have like a that's good though no I know I started the right way no it's got to win it is good and it's been crazy like how much I feel like I've done now by like two two o'clock in the afternoon but when that alarm goes off at like six and I know he's waiting downstairs and you know I'm just like now it's because now it's winter like back home I don't know about here but like it's still completely pitch black outside you know like so just getting up in that darkness and being like my wife's sleeping I'm putting on a fucking headband

You wear a headband I sweat I wore a hat first But I was like I need to get No I bought like I got like fancy I bought like a Lulu Lemonette Oh nice It's not it's like

I don't know Yeah I look I look the part Okay I look like stretch Listen that's all the Look in the part's fun No no

It's all part of just Just fucking doing it It's been good It's immediately It's just that release It just feels great The first workout, I felt, like, right afterwards, I was like, this is amazing. That's great.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, as long as you don't go too hard, that's what I always tell everybody, you can't, you're not going to be able to keep up. If you try a crazy pace right off the bat, you're not going to be able to keep up with it, and you're not going to be able to recover. You're going to get broken down. You've got to build it slow.

It used to take care of itself with, like, just sports and stuff, like, but I don't, I don't do that anymore, you know? Like, I haven't done that in front. Are you a good athlete outside of, like, whatever training you do? Like, are you at sports? Like, do you play any sports? I own, the only sport I played, I played baseball when I was a kid. And then once I started doing martial arts, when I was in my early teens, I quit everything.

Wow. Yeah. And just focused on that. Yeah. Oh, shit. Well, for me, it's like, I hated team sports because I'm kind of, you know, stubborn. And, like, I either struck out or hit a home run, no matter what happened. They were always like, they were always like, get on base.

I'd be like, right. I'm going for the bleachers bitch And either I was a hero or everybody was mad at me And that's how I always played I didn't care like I'm not gonna be a loser Because Billy drops the ball in the fucking left field Right I don't care Yeah like and so then when I found wrestling

I was like okay this is better This is just me And then I got into martial arts And I was like okay this I like This is just like I can I either put in the work and get better Or I don't I either win or I lose

There's no weird gray area. The only gray area is decisions. Decisions sucked because there's a lot of biased judges. And, you know, if you're in like someone's hometown and you beat their ass. Really? Terrible. That blatant? Oh, yeah.

Don't you remember Roy Jones Jr. in the Olympics? I don't know if I knew of the Olympics. It was actually a beautiful moment because Roy Jones Jr. in the Olympics, he boxed beautifully. It was a perfect performance in the fun. finals and he lost. There's no way he lost, but it was in Korea and it was against the Korean National Champion. And so the Korean National Champion, he won the gold medal, and then came to visit Roy Jones recently and gave him the gold medal and said, you should have won that fight. Like recently? Yeah, recently, recently. Yeah. Wow. But when I was a kid and I watched

that I was so disheartened because I'd seen that in Taekwondo a lot yeah I'd seen that in kickboxing a lot and it's just it's embarrassing it's just when you see like blatant obvious corruption and that to me that decision is one of the worst examples of blatant corruption because Roy Jones just ran away with that fight the only thing you didn't do is knock that guy out but he beat his ass they don't feel repercussions when it's that obvious it's all subjective. It happens in the UFC. Yeah, I see.

It happens in the UFC all the time. There's bad decisions. And, you know, and it's infuriating. It's infuriating to the athlete, too, because particularly in the UFC, there's a win bonus. So imagine if you beat a guy, like, you really hit the gas in the second and third round. You fucking burn yourself out. You get the decision. You're like, I fucking did.

I did it. You're corner celebrating. We got it. We got the last two rounds. All you. All you. And then you hear the judges. And you're like, no fucking way.

They robbed me. Wow. And it happens. It happens all the time. So say if you're a young guy and you're starting out in the UFC and you have a contract, maybe it's like 15 and 15. What that means is you get 15,000 to show and then 15,000 to win. So if you lose, you only get that 15,000.

So those judges just stole $15,000 from you. When you're struggling just to feed yourself, right? If you're getting $15,000 to fight, you have to pay for managers. You have to pay for your gym. fees. You have to pay for nutrition. You have to pay for supplements. You know, you have to maybe you're getting a massage once a week. You got to pay for that. It's like, you don't have any money. You have zero money. You have to work a job. There's no way you're doing that without a job. If you're lucky, you could teach. You know, if you're lucky, you can maybe

teach private, like if you're a jihitsu guy or a kickboxer, you could teach people during the day. Yeah. But other than that, man, you're fucking, you're barely getting by and they just stole 15 grand from you. Wow. And happens all the time. And nothing comes there, right? There's appeals of bullshit. We get mad, you know, we talk about it in the commentary, and we, you know, Daniel particularly gets upset because he was a professional fighter and he's seen it. Yeah. You know, but it's like, they always say don't leave it in the judge's hands, but that's nonsense because you, these guys, you're not good enough to knock them out. Right.

And if you try to knock them out, you're going to get knocked out. Right, right. It's like you have to fight smart. Right. So, like, you always should fight the best you can, but smart. Yeah. And if you don't do that, you're not, you shouldn't be a professional fighter. It's because you're going to get beat up when you shouldn't get beat up.

You're going to get hurt when you shouldn't get hurt, you know. Yeah, I didn't. I never did anything. I took karate for like six months. I never did. I was team sports for me, but it was, I wasn't particularly, I, I actually, when the first year our grammar school got a basketball team. I was in seventh grade.

And so if you were in eighth grade, you automatically made varsity and then whatever remaining spots you had to try out. I wasn't really good, right? But I tried out, and I was the last one cut. So I was the very first person to be placed on the JV team.

Oh, no. So the best of the JV, right? I, we didn't have a coach. The school did not have a basketball program. So my friend's mom, who prior to this, just owned a bakery she was like coach I mean she had no she had no experience outside of pastries and she got like a clipboard like a whiteboard clipboard and we met at the school gym and she started running drills with us and it was like whoever else wanted to be play can play

so I yes I got cut last so I was you know how'd you do I want I was the MVP of the team for the season. Nice. Went to the award ceremony. No, let me finish talking. Oh, sorry. Yeah, you'll see. The team, first of all, so we weren't good.

We knew we weren't good. And we were like, okay, watch, this first team we're going to play is going to be, like, amazing. So we show up for this first game, okay? We get to the Catholic CYO Center. It's like the Catholic youth organization, Jim. We get there. Every single kid on that team is just like Dominican or like we were all like, like,

Scroarney little white kids. These kids were like six feet tall already. I'll never forget it. I walked in and you do drills in the beginning before you start the game. You all go in the line and take layups on your side. They'll take layups on their side. And I remember I locked eyes with some kid. And he looked at me and he was dribbling the ball backwards through his legs as he walked

backwards. And he didn't break eye contact with me. And then he like ran up and like he did a layup and like tap the backboard or whatever. We lost 44 nothing. The first game came, 44-0. Okay. So at the end of the games, you're supposed to, like, line up and you'll, like, you know, touch hands or whatever. And you go upstairs, and there's a little wreck room, and you get, like, some Fritos in a juice box or whatever, right? So this, the parents were there, and the parents of this team were engaged.

I mean, they were, I mean, shutout in basketball, it's pretty tough. And the parents were going nuts. And so at the end, when the buzzer sounded, like, their parents were chanting, 44. Zip, Zip, 4. And they were chanting it, like, loud, right? And then when we got online, the kids started chanting. The parents started chanting. The parents ran onto the court, and I just literally, like, and we're shaking hands.

They're all chanting 44. We go all together up the stairs to get the juice box. And the parents are screaming it up the hallway. 44, right in our face, like 44 zip, zip. I mean, literally. It was like the most humiliating experience. Next game, we played Blessed Sessex. We lost 563.

I had the three points. Congratulations. Two points in a foul. A bucket in a foul, right? And then we proceeded to go 0 and 14 on the year. The last game of the season at halftime, I don't know what happened. We looked up and we were winning. It was the first time we ever had a lead.

It was the last game of the year is halftime. And someone was like, holy shit, we're fucking winning. And we looked up and it was like 18, 16 or something. And we lost. So they proceed to have the awards dinner. Well, you know, everyone, like, goes all the teams. It's like, it's a sports dinner. So, like, they're doing all the awards for varsity, JV, across all the platforms.

And they insisted on doing it. So I was the MVP. I was the MVP of the team. Because you scored the only three points. I had 16 points on the season. 14 games. 16 points. I had to get up in front of everyone at the buffet.

And take the trophy that said Salvo Cano MVP, JV, you know, 1990, whatever it was. And I would just was like, thank you, you know, like, oh, and four. I had 16 fucking, but I have that, I have that trophy right now in my den on my mantle. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. 16 points on the season. This episode is brought to you by Happy Dad Hard Seltzer.

Most hard beverages overcomplicate everything. Happy Dad keeps it simple. Low carbonation, gluten-free, and only 100 calories in every can. Barbecues, golf rounds, hanging by the pool, chilling after work. Happy Dad is perfect for whatever you're up to. Everyone is drinking all these skinny cans loaded with sugar, but Happy Dad only has one gram of sugar in a normal can. You can grab a variety pack featuring lemon, lime, watermelon, pineapple, and wild cherry.

And don't sleep on the grape collab with Death Row Records. It's a fan favorite for a reason. Happy Dad is now available nationwide in the USA and Canada. Go to your local liquor store or visit happydad.com. For a limited time, use the code Rogan to buy one Happy Dad trucker hat and get one free. Enjoy a cold Happy Dad. Must be 21 plus. Please drink responsibly.

Happy Dad, hard seltzer, N.T. Maltz alcohol, Orange County, California. Boy, that'll teach you a sense of humor. Yeah, I mean, right away, I would just like. 44 zip zip in your face by grownups. Yeah. Zip zips. I mean like going like that what kind of sportsmanship is that there was none there that day there was none there that day there's something to be said for that

There's something to be said for that we had no business to be out of that I can only imagine what it looked like like if they if they want their kids to be pros, you know Yeah, if they want the kids to really dominate you got to really encourage the shit out of them. Yeah, you know and for a lot of people Look if you got a kid that's six feet tall already and you know he's fucking 14 and he's really good already at basketball you're like we might get rich yeah you know this is like a shot yeah it's true fuck yeah it's a giant shot their own farm system i mean if a kid can make it yeah in professional sports oh my god you know it's your kid and it made me if you're lower income people and you know you have a kid and your family's really into sports it's a hope it's a way out oh yeah man i mean it's like one of the the rare things it's a lot of pressure on those kids oh my god i could imagine we didn't have uniforms our team every other team

had uniforms no we wore a gym uniforms that's hilarious which was like you know like the short shorts and like just the t-shirt and stuff that's hilarious and me i was like such i i tucked mine in my socks up to my knees that kind of thing yeah perfect i have a good movie you should pitch it yeah it's my little giants or whatever there's no win at the end though this it doesn't have to be we failed miserably you don't have to win you know how hard it was to accept that trophy it was hard yeah but now it's like great it's like i have the trophy and I like I should I I never did it on stage I should maybe work that it's a good setup for being a comedian yeah you know that kind of like humility

it's like it humbles you yeah it's a good setup you gotta realize yeah we're not all created equal yeah that's a crock of shit I'm funnier than anyone of those kids I'll tell you that there you go like the idea that everyone's created equal physically is that's a hilarious idea you haven't met any extreme athletes. There's people out there that are just, they're different than all of us. It's just,

just, it's not fair. That's just how the universe works. Some people's great grandparents were fucking Vikings. Yeah. Like, for real Vikings. I've been, I'm trying to like figure out what else to do.

Like I just, I need some type of outlet because it's like, I haven't been doing. Why don't you take up a sport? Well, so I have, so another thing that happened to me, this was the weirdest thing ever. I was like,

just popped into my head. I don't know why. I was like, learn how to sail what I think I might have meant probably maybe is like I want to learn how to drive a boat but like I was like I think I want to learn to sail and so I was telling this to my wife and then like just same thing as the trainer like a like a few days later it was like four days later I was at music class with my daughter and one of the dads was there with his daughter and I was inviting him to go somewhere like a group activity and he was like I'd love to but I can't

I teach sailing that day wow and I was like are you serious he's like yeah and you were already thinking about four days ago I said to my if I want to He goes, let's go. Do you think that you have the ability to manifest things like that in your life? Do you ever wonder? I don't think. I don't think.

There are people that believe that. There are people that believe that the way your consciousness interacts with the universe is what makes things happen. Fucking, let's go. Don't happen exactly as randomly as we want to believe that they do.

But there are things that you do where you put energy out there and you make... There's a lot of examples of it. It's a weird one to believe. believe in because I feel like it's an element to life and the problem is people are always looking for it to be the element like the thing like do you remember that movie the secret yeah so during that time a lot of people unfortunately got convinced that they could wish their life into existence

yeah you get like a board yeah yeah vision board and all that stuff I think that is a part of things that that putting something into your head is a part of things but I don't think it's the whole thing And I think if you think of it as the primary thing, instead of thinking of it as the whole thing as all these different pieces. Like if you want to get healthy, you have to eat well, you have to take vitamins, you have to exercise, you have to sleep, you have to drink plenty of water, you have to cut out all the bad stuff, like alcohol. So there's a lot of elements. It's not just workout, right? There's a lot of elements. And I think that's the thing with manifesting stuff.

I don't think it's entirely bullshit. I think there's something to it I mean look you start you know you start lining all your ducks in a row eventually you know something's going to be cohesive but but the thing of it like me running into a guy that's what I'm saying that that's like what's that

that's what I'm saying the sailing and the fitness trainer like right when you're putting it out there there's a lot of people that believe this that believe that what we think of as physical reality just being static and locked down it's not

really the case and that there's a strange dance between consciousness and physical reality that we're not totally aware of yeah and that we don't really have the senses to like be able to measure it to to somehow or another quantify it and put on a scale like what percentage of how your life goes depends on how you what kind of energy you put out there energy's big that's why I'm always very particular about who I hang out with mm-hmm because people think it's no big deal to hang out with idiots but the problem is you're absorbing their energy and instead of hanging out with really cool people and you absorb their energy and everybody like gets out of

there feeling fucking great what a good time what a good time they just suck the energy they suck it and they make it about them and they get negative and they're fucking passive aggressive and weird or whatever it is it's like I don't want to deal with him anymore man yeah you eventually shed those people you should you should because they are energy it's like you you can And I think how you feel personally, like how your life is going has a giant effect on how your life can go. Because you're thinking in a positive way. You know, like you're you're in the right groove. You're in the right vibration.

Yeah. If you want to get real hippie, you want to get all crystally. But there's something to it. It's not everything. It's not the whole thing. I don't think it should be dismissed because I think there's a reality to it. Because I just, there's too many times, too many times. I'm like, how many times have you ever run into a fucking trainer?

And the guy's telling you were, you're training. Nothing. Fucking never, right? The sailing one blew me away. Yeah. How many times do you ever run into someone who teaches sailing? I went sailing the day. It took my first one in the New York Harbor, man.

Wow. It was crazy. My parents lived on a sailboat for like two years. Might have been more. Might have been a little more. Yeah. Yeah. They just started.

Before you were born? No, no, no. No. When I was already a grown man. Oh, okay. Right when I started getting on TV and I started making some loot. I helped them get this sailboat and they got a sailboat and they just They already sailed no no they learned how to sail

Who did it whoa? It's not easy by the way gangster move yeah and they would like living down like in the Bahamas and shit That's living off of a sailboat wait what kind of parents you got my parents this is this is a foreign idea to me Yeah they just took they took this chance they just decided like to let's see they lived on it oh yeah with a cat too with our cat that we had when we were kids the cat was on the boat with them this is fascinating yeah they were uh they took well they're still alive i shouldn't say they were they are they they you know they like to live life and so they wanted to visit them on the boat i did yeah yeah i visited them on the boat yeah it was fun i didn't visit them in the bahamas i visited them when they had it out here oh they had it in america but uh it was uh interesting because like to to be able to do that that's a crazy skin they had

to weather some storms like they had to get docked up during a storm my step dad had to go out to someone else's boat because it wasn't tied down and it had tied this dude's boat down in the middle of a fucking storm yeah that's like life risk yeah life risking dangerous shit yeah yeah they did it for a couple years my mom was like you did we're done what was the life before that like was just standard no yeah he's an architect and uh you know because that is a bold choice yeah it was a crazy choice not even to just learn because it's like I'm going to live on this sailboat I'm going to go live in a tropical environment I'm going to live I'm going to learn how to sail I think they just you know people don't like work man like a

regular job like work sucks and if you and you get to a certain point in your life when your kids have left the house and you're like this is life this isn't like preparing for something yeah this is life right not preparing for life right now so I don't want to do this right I don't like doing this let's just do something else while we can yeah because it was it like when you're out on a boat is that's what it is yeah that's what it is it has what it has That's the way of really like, yeah, centering you. It's like being in the mountains, like, or, you know, being in nature. When you're in nature, you go to the woods, like, okay, this is just, this is the only thing that matters.

Like, this existence. I like that, because I didn't grow up with that, and it's not common for me. And it's, like, the one thing that really resonates with me as far as, like, shutting my brain off and things like that. Oh, yeah, the ocean. There's a reason why all those rich folks live, like, right on the ocean. They're not stupid. Yeah. I rented a house once in Malbu.

We were getting our kitchen. redone in California and we couldn't stay in the house and so for like four months we rented a house and we rented this house like on the water and you wake up and you sit in the patio and it's these sliding glass doors and you're literally above right above the ocean so you see nothing but this little little balcony and then water and you're like oh I get it now I wonder why these people live right next to each other in a 20 million dollar house Because I was like, who the fuck wants to buy a house with no yard? You're jammed up next to your neighbors.

That's stupid. And then I got there one morning drinking coffee sitting there by myself smoking a joint. I'm like, okay. Yeah, it's like biological. It's like you can't. Yeah. I go, oh yeah, I get it. I see what you guys are doing.

Oh, yeah. This is better. This is like you're watching a show and a work of art at the same time while you're taking in sunshine and fresh clean air from the ocean. Yeah. But here's the fucker. The difference between the water in the day and the water in the night is huge. The water in the day is beautiful. It's blue and you see dolphins and you see seagulls everywhere.

It's incredible. It's food for the soul. At night, it's a black monster. At night, when you realize, especially me, because I'm probably a little high at the time, and I'm looking out that water. abyss. And I'm like, there is billions and trillions of gallons of water out there. And no one can control it. And all it takes is the earth just having this one little, one little shift of the tectonic plates and a fucking wave is coming. And you're right on the edge. How, and I sleep like a log. Yeah.

You know, like if a tsunami's coming, you're done. Yeah, look at this one. It's swept away. I This is the outer banks Yeah And this ain't even a tsunami This is just a house Yeah, that's tough man There's a video of this guy

Walking his dog in Russia And it's real recent And there was a tsunami That there was a giant warning They knew it was gonna have Because there was a huge earthquake Off the coast And so they knew it was coming

So this guy is Way up on this cliffside Watch this Look how high he is See how high he is? Yeah Where is he? He's in Russia

That's not to him And taking the video Yeah, so he's taking this video, and he's with his dog. It's kind of cool when you hear his voice, too. He's like, wolf, who's, well. So look, look how high he was, right? And look at this water coming in. Oh, dude, it gets all the way over the top.

No. Oh, yeah, look at the dog. The dog's almost, the dog doesn't know it almost died. This silly dog is just sitting there. It keeps going. But this is bananas. That's horrifying. Look how high it gets.

And he's, now at this point in time, he's realizing, like, oh, shit, look, it gets over the top. It crests over the top of the fucking hill. Yeah. I mean, that's like 100 feet. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah, you've seen that perfect storm, right? But that's what happens at night.

When you're sitting there at night, you can't sleep. Because you're like, what am I doing? Why would I sleep here? This is so stupid. It's weird how it flips like that. All you have to do is just be real. Like, in the day, you're not real. It's like, oh, the sun has given me vitamin D.

It's like, at night, it's like, no, no, no, no, no, this is just water, an immense amount of water that no one is in control of. Yeah. Get out of here. I was like, get the fuck out of here. No. No. No, no, no, no. That's their world. That's their world, dude.

This is an ad by BetterHelp. We have a lot of big holidays coming up, but before you start preparing for trick-or-treaters or make plans for. travel for Thanksgiving, there's one other big day you should focus on. World Mental Health Day. It's October 10th. And if you don't know already, it's a great day to send some love to therapists. Maybe a therapist has made a positive impact on you or someone you love. Therapists listen, ask the right questions, and help someone move forward. They can help you if there's something keeping you up at night. If you're looking for a safe space, better. Help is a good place to start.

They've spent the past decade helping people connect with the right professional therapist and based on the millions of highly rated reviews, it's safe to say they do a great job. Better Help does most of the work for you, too. All you have to do is fill out a quick questionnaire. This World Mental Health Day, we're celebrating the therapists who've helped millions of people take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you,

BetterHelp can help you start that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash J-R-E. That's BetterH-E-H-E-L-P dot com slash J-R-E. I did it on a trip in the Cayman Islands. And I always wanted to do it. So I was psyched to do it. And I did one time prior to that in a pool. So I was like, all right, kind of whatever.

And I almost couldn't go through with it because, like, the initial descent, they had to put weights on you. Oh, boy. And it just goes against everything your body feels. Yeah, your body's like, no, no, no, no. And they say, like, you know, try to breathe measured. If you breathe a lot, you run out of air faster. Oh, fun. Right?

So it's like, yeah, just hearing the fact, oh, you run out of air. Is the tank the meter based on how much air is in or how much time, like how much you've been breathing? Like, could you fuck up? and breathe too much? Yes. And it wouldn't say E yet? No, no. I mean, I had the little dial.

So to show you. Yeah, and I was with someone. I was not, you know. But still, by the way, it doesn't matter, by the way. So it's like I couldn't get down. I'm claustrophobic. And so I think that played into it. But like, you have to start, it just, you have to overcome the sensation that you're

maybe drowning or being suffocated. Like, you know, you go down and the weights start to pull you down. And you adjust to. breathing through here but then that's it like and if you want to like talk or it's like you don't you don't feel comfortable and you just want out this you know you can't just get out and once you go down 30 feet or so you have to like you know you can't just shoot up either you have to go up slowly obviously right I mean it's not 30 feet is the bends but like you know that whole thing and so I thought it 30 feet where you get the bends is no I only went 30 feet

I think that's like very simple stuff but I still don't think it's like real shoot up right it's yeah you have to do it slow but yeah you have to do it slow but yeah but um but which is crazy you get too much nitrogen in your blood and you're fucked it's fucked up right that's crazy and i got that's their world bro that's not your world that's their world well it was 30 feet down it was still kind of my word that's far yeah yeah that's far yeah but you're out of breath i can still see our world you know what if you're out of breath and you got to get to that 30 feet and you're exhausted and out of breath that's fucking terrified yeah well it was me and my friend and that's it was it was an instructor no one else to show up it was his birthday

I was taking him for his birthday, right? So they, like, tell you some things. They're like, all right, I'm going to go down there with you and, like, telling you signals and stuff. You know, like, if I do this or if I do, you know, whatever the signals were. And I'm like, all right, I'm trying to, like, remember these goddamn signals,

especially, like, if I need to communicate something. Yeah, there should be a test. Yeah, there wasn't. So we go down. I finally overcome it and I get down there. And, like, once I got down there and calmed down, I had moments where I was a little panicky again, but, like, in the moments where I was calm,

I was like, all right. I'm going slow. I'm breathing slow. This is cool. And you just kind of start exploring. And there were these big, like, I guess Oscar, these big fish, like the side, like literally the size of almost my body, like five or six them together just there.

But they weren't like, you know, they couldn't harm you. But like just the sheer size of them was like, I'll stay away from them. But then the instructor starts swimming forward. And then my friend is behind her and I'm behind him. And at one point, like, you know, I'm not good with the paddles. No, the flippers? Flipers? Is that flippers?

Like, I don't know. Some people are just good with them, but like, it's kind of like, it's weird. It's an unnatural feeling, so I'm not good with them. And I got this fucking tank on me, and, you know, everything's tight, you know, and it's like, and I'm trying to use the flippers, and I'm not really catching, like, I'm kind of falling behind a little bit. I'm not really doing it great, and then I start to try to do it faster, but then that, like, spins me a little bit.

So now I'm spinning down there, and I'm trying to kick out of it. and I like want to communicate to the instructor and she's in front of my friends swimming forward and my friends I'm looking at his ass I'm just like fucking like I'm just like waving my hands like that seems wildly irresponsible yeah like she I don't think she should have led like that and when she was I would say she was probably 20 feet

or ahead of me swinging forward and so at that one point to us I was like this is not like this is this is crazy she doesn't I can't get help if I need help right and you're panicking I did I panic I started breathing heavy. Of course. And I had to like literally just, you know, bring myself back down. Let me ask you this. So they don't give you any, like, test to make sure that you're good at scuba diving?

Yeah, we went in the water first. Right. Like, in the shallow area. Okay. And, like, we did, like, some exercises and drills or whatever. And they explained the signs. Uh-huh. What's going to happen?

Did you tell her you're claustrophobic? I don't think I did. When you say you're claustrophobic, like, are you self-diagnosed? Or did you go to a mental hospital? Self. You went crazy. But how did you, where do you get that from? Like, where do, where do I think?

Yeah, why do you think I have it? Yeah, why do you think of osteopoeic? Well, it makes you. Because I've been in scenarios in confined small spaces where I couldn't get out or I didn't have a lot of mobility and I literally got a panic, like, we'd have a panic attack. Like, I stuck my heart starts beating out my chest. I feel like I can't breathe. So it's like an anxiety of being confined to a small space.

Yeah, like when I was, um, uh, I did an MRI. oh that was like that's very claustrophobic i started beating out of my chest and there was one time on a plane a long time i don't like to fly either so that combined with like i was in a row like a really tight row like scrammed in and i just i don't i just it's it's happened a few times in my life or in like the like the the back row of like a like a van where like it was closed in like i couldn't anywhere where i can't get right out and one time i was in a stretcher and i um They like lock you like they strap you in that. I can't take that. I can't take it. What happened either? You get stretched? I was in a car accident. Yeah, I was fine. I was okay, but they just precautionary put you in a stretcher?

I was I was to tell you the truth. I saw I was driving and a guy ran a stop sign and like plowed fast and plowed into me. I was a teenager and my best friend was driving behind me. So he watched it happen. So he called right away. But I I guess I kind of like I don't remember. I got hit and then I remember my girlfriend at the time crying and I remember talking to her but I have no vision I just hear the words and I remember like I was hugging her and I could feel her tears and then the next thing I remember in my mind was that I was in a stretcher on the floor and I woke up and like the ambulance was there and everything was that so the next thing I remember

but I'm telling this guy I'm in this fucking thing and he has me on the floor behind the ambulance and I'm right by the exhaust pipe Oh, my God. I'm just laying on the, and the things I can just right by the, I'm like, can somebody fucking move me away from the exhaust pipe? That's hilarious. But I couldn't, when I'm held down like that and confined and I can't move, it's like,

I don't know, I just feel like I can't breathe. Right. It's got to freak out. My mom has it, so I don't know if it's like, I don't know if it's. I just wonder what the difference between that and general anxiety is, because if you have general anxiety, I would imagine you would get claustrophobic, too. So maybe that's what it is. Well, I'm just telling you what I feel in confined spaces.

Oh, the reason why I'm asking is because I think we have, excuse me, I think we have genetic memory of bad stuff. I think that's why some people are allergic or terrified of snakes. Some people are, like, there's a thing, a real thing, a phydeophobia or arachnophobia, see spider. Some people, like, they go into a hot panic. It's different than anything else. Right. And I think there's something like in the genes from, you know, millions of years of evolution where someone down the line died or almost died. because of one of these fucking spiders or one of these snakes or you saw someone get killed by a snake and you see them and you fucking lock up.

How do you explain the phobia clowns? I mean, John Wayne Gacy? Yeah. There's a bunch of somewhere along the line. You can't see their real face. Yeah. It's scary. Yeah. It's scary to not be able to see someone's real face.

Yeah. Which was like one of the most fucked up things we did to kids during the pandemic is make everybody wear masks. Because kids are in school and they're not getting facial. They're not getting them from teachers. They're not getting them from their classmates. It's weird. That's weird. That's not good for human development. Yeah, that was the norm for a lot. There's something, especially as kids, we don't like if we can't figure your face out. I can't see your whole face. You're wearing paint, so I'm not getting the right signals. You got a rubber nose on. You got weird fucking crazy hair. I'm like, I don't know if you're cool or not cool. Right. If you're a regular guy, and I can tell if you're creepy, I can tell this guy's got weird energy. Let's get out of here. But a clowns like hello boys and girls you're allowed to act like in this weird silly way clown could be right on the line whether it's demonic full on demonic psychopath you could hide as a clown and you could hide with that language that clown language hi boys and girls would you like to see a trick meanwhile you're thinking about cutting that kid up in your basement yeah

you know and those are real human beings yeah yeah do you remember when clowns like for a minute were like in the news everywhere because there was like a trend that clowns were terrorizing towns it was like five years like maybe less than 10 years ago no oh my god so where I'm from in Staten Island we had the Staten Island clown oh no and this there was a clown just showing up in public spaces and events just watching people and then like recessing like back into the night and it would make appearances and started making the papers I do remember that oh it's why and it was it was it was it but the book maybe it was terrifier oh that that late yeah it was what year was I was I think it was like I would say I would put it out

10 years okay okay yeah but then other places like other people started doing it and then it was like clowns with that and that was kind of fun actually though I do remember that I like that I like the idea that there might be a a clown it would go out one night you'd like because it was it was it almost felt like our version of summer or Sam or something like people like if you're going out tonight look out for the clowns it is weird that like there's always been throughout history It's Jack the Ripper. There's always been these people.

In Austin, they say this guy who strangles. They don't know who Jack the Ripper is, right? I feel like there's some new, but there's always like a story. New evidence reveals the true identity of Jack the Ripper. You never know what's just clickbait bullshit, and you click on it's some nonsense website that tells you they found Jack the Ripper. So you're not going to get me every time. I just clicked on something that said that Christian Bale was Banksy.

Nah. There was an article. Well, he's an amazing actor. That guy can do anything. It can't be. It's bullshit, but I, but I was like, it would be fun if it was. Yeah. He's an interesting dude.

You know, he drives like a 1983 Toyota Tundra or a 93. Really? Why? Not even a tundra. A Tacoma. He's a weird dude. Just like, this is all I need. I drive this.

He's got a regular Toyota pickup truck. I shouldn't know like docks him. Now people are going to be looking. Yeah. Yeah, look at him. Dude, he's fancy. He's not going to find him. He's got a tundra.

I mean, this thing was April Fool. What's that? Banksy thing was April. Oh, was it? Oh, was it? Someone sent me a link. I didn't even know. I wouldn't be shocked if it was, though.

You know what I'm saying? Like, as good as that guy is, he could kind of do whatever he wants. You know, when you get to like that level of actor, those are like weird, exceptional humans. They don't come along that often. You know, the Gary Oldman's, the Daniel Day Lewis's, there's these people that, like, become another person. Those weirdos, they could do whatever they want. If he wanted to be Banksy, I would go, okay. Yeah.

Like Banksy's making Mona Lisa's everywhere. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, they're playing with different rules, I think. But I remember I was disappointed when I found that it was him. Because, like, you know, it's like, oh, I don't know, I wanted to be mysterious. It's kind of amazing that nobody knows who Banksie is. Yeah. I mean, it's really weird, actually. Did you see that doc that exit through the gift shop?

I didn't. It's pretty interesting. It's like, it follows other artists. His name's like Mr. he has a moniker that he goes by and the people thought that he was Banksy and so like it spends the whole thing like following him but it turns out he's not

but it was a fun watch but it was like it's just wild to me that after all this time in the age we're living in now nothing has gotten like everyone how many people know who he is like you know how close to the vest is his identity well he would have to be a truly brilliant person.

Is it more than one person? That would be likely. Right. But even then, you know, if fuck it, I'm coming out with this, you guys are assholes. Yeah, right, right. You know, like one guy in the band

that decides to leave. It's got to come out. Or his girlfriend, you should go to the press. You can get a lot of money if you go to the press. It's going to come out eventually. Just come out. Listen, sell your story

before they don't want to buy your story. We need the money. I didn't know you did voices. I'd do that one. That's a good one. That was pretty good. If I close my eyes, that's good.

Sell it. No, I don't do this. Mark, it's $65,000. Do you have $65,000? You don't. But it's going to be worth nothing. The next thing you know, the band's breaking up. That's funny, dude.

That always happens. I went to, I went to, I went to, I invited to this brunch in England. And it was a, it was a guy, man, he was a descendant of, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, who's the who's the uh the the uh the guy where's like oh um like he when you when you're when you're when you're when you're like when you're thinking about your mom who's that guy the the the the Jesus Christ yeah I know I know I'm literally having a stroke I have no idea what you're saying I know all right so Jamie do you know what he's saying he needed a couple more words he wasn't getting to it yeah when you think of your mom that guy

who's yeah the guy it's like what's it For Freud. Oh, Jesus Christ, Sigmund Freud. Yeah. So he's, I think he's a descendant. I didn't know you're talking about like a baseball player.

Freud is like his, I think Freud is like his like great great grandfather or something. And then he also married into like, it's the biggest market like publication in, in the biggest like media company conglomerate in overseas. Whatever. I forget his name. He's super rich famous family that married into another super rich famous family.

Right. Freud family and then like whoever this is the one. Anyway, I'm at this person's house, okay? Long story short. I don't remember how I got invited there. I think his door. Where is it? It was somewhere outside of London and it was unassuming because we walked through row houses,

through an alley to get to their property. And I think the daughter of this, I feel bad that I'm forgetting their name because they were a gracious host and, but I did. The daughter, I think, was a fan of ours or something, and somehow got in touch and we got invited there. It was a weird, wild thing. So I find myself at this place. I didn't know anyone, and I get there, and, like, it was a weird collection of people there. Apparently, this guy hosts a brunch forever. He's, like, known for it.

And he has a lot of friends and a lot of celebrity friends. And so there was celebrities and stuff there at this brunch. It was really cool. Walk in, there was all food trucks and stuff and getting to their house. and at the time Woody Harrelson was filming a movie in London and it was crazy it was a one of a live movie

in one shot they rehearsed for this movie for months and months and months and then a live stream into theaters and he acted live and the entire thing was one shot it was like 90 minutes long whoa yeah I don't I can't

we didn't get more pressed just from the nature of that that's insane but um yeah wow so he was out there for that and so he was at this brunch and i think uh owen wilson um was also at this brunch how did i forget about this did you do you recall it now i'm kind of recalling hearing about it now yeah it was but it didn't get any love no but i went and saw it was on it was really fucking cool um so there's i mean there's a lot of different people there, Liv Tyler, just the guys from Oasis, there was just a collection of people there, and I found myself, they had like a little, like a skate, uh, not escape room, uh, what do you call it, safe room?

Mm-hmm. And the safe room was just converted, it had a ping pong table in. I went downstairs, I walk into the safe room and Woody Haraldson, and I would also are playing ping pong down there. And I just, it was them, too, a cat and me, and I just watched them play ping, I don't know them. But wait, I'm getting to this. Oh, so anyway, they had banksy's.

Like, they had, they had a, they had a fucking, man, you know, I think I need to take a supplement from my, I needed to get to him ginkgo below me. Who's, who's the artist with, like, a Picasso? They had a Picasso. I'm like, who's the guy who puts, like, an eye over here? The guy with no ear? No, that's Van Gogh. Yes, they had banks. He's, like, just in the house, like, up, like that.

Like, wow. That's probably, I mean, you know, that's. A million dollars. Yeah, probably. At least, I don't know. I don't know how much they are, but I was like, oh, wow. That's like your own personal banksy. I went over an agent's house once in Aspen.

And this is like a long time ago. And we were there for the, they used to have the Aspen Comedy Festival. And I was over his house and I was like, oh, did his kid make this? There was like this painting on the wall. And they're like, no, that's a Chris Babage, blah, blah. Yeah. I go, he paid for that? It looked like tissue.

I'm just saying this to another agent. So it's me and his other agent shooting the shit over a couple of cocktails. We're laughing. Yeah. But I'm like, for real. And he goes, yeah, that's worth like $35,000. I'm like, there's no way that is. I know.

A kid did that. It was like pieces of tissue paper glued with some paint splattered on it. It's nuts. I was like, what is this? Do you know the origins of that stuff? They think it was a CIA sciop. For what? Modern art like that.

Come on. Yes. Yeah. There's some evidence that points to the CIA. Like when they just nail a banana to the wall or something? Yeah, a little bit of that, but a little bit of like Jackson Pollock. So, yeah, I was going to bring up Pollock because Stern did that. Did you ever see when Howard did that?

He was like, I can make a Jackson Pollock and you won't know the difference. And he did it on the show. He like did it and he put it next to each other and nobody knew the difference. Yeah. So what they think is we couldn't compete during the Cold War with the classical artists of Russia. Like there's some incredible painters in Russia at the time. And I'm sure they're on now. But we didn't have a similar level.

We didn't have a Da Vinci over here. We didn't have someone who could do what they were doing. And so the CIA came up with a plot to popularize nonsense art and make it like really huge and make all these investors want to spend money buying like nonsense art. And apparently there's, I never would have considered that until I paid attention to all the other shit that they've done over the last, you know, know X amount of decades and I was like I think that's true because it doesn't make sense to me that that stuff would just emerge and also be worth millions of dollars and someone wouldn't figure out exactly what Howard Stern figured out that I can make this on my own and you could just say it's a pollock it was a Jackson Pollock and no one would know like what are we talking about then we're talking about something that anybody can do if you look at the Mona Lisa you're like well I can't do that right you know you look at you know there's a million paintings you look at it like especially today there's something about the level that people are out today where they're making like photograph realistic paintings yeah photo realistic paintings like that are above and beyond anything's ever anyone's ever accomplished in the history of art but because it looks so realistic people don't even seem to care modern art was the CIA weapon

spy agency used unwitting artists such as Pollock and de Koonig in a cultural Cold War isn't that wild so scroll up to the thing this is from the independent oh you have to to support okay um so the connections of probable there's a period in the 1950s and 1960s when the great majority of Americans disliked or even despised modern art president Truman summed up summed up the popular view when he said if that's art then um a hetentot I don't know what that means hot and tot hot and tot what's a hot and tot I don't know but I'll tell you right now I'm starting to use that word hot and tot Jamie Google that word What's, what is that word?

Never heard. What's a hot and tot? It sounds like a candy. Sounds like a candy. Like a mic and I. What is a hot and tot? TOT. What's a hot and tot?

Outdated and offensive term historically used by Europeans to refer to, I don't know how to say that word, K-H-O-E, K-H-O-E, an indigenous group of nomadic pastoralists from South Africa, Jesus Christ. I'm not going to use it. The president was using that. You want to talk about the world being different? The president was using a slur.

As for the artists themselves, many were ex-communists and barely acceptable in the America of the McCarthyite era and certainly not the sort of people normally likely to receive U.S. government backing. So why the CIA support them? Because in the propaganda war with Soviet Union, this new

artistic movement could be held up as proof of the creativity, the intellectual freedom, and the cultural power of the U.S. Russian art, of the U.S., rather. Russian art strapped into the communist ideological straitjacket could not compete. Hilarious. So because their artists were better, we decided to come up with some nonsense art and make people think that that was the shit, and it worked. It worked.

But are we saying that they found those artists and prop them up? No, the artists are existing. The artists were, no, the artist sort of existed, but the CIA propped them up and pushed them out as being amazing. And they did it in an effective way. And look, if they're all these like super duper rich people are involved or closely connected to the CIA, all they would have to do is have to have art exhibits at their house and tell everybody how amazing this guy is and how mind-blowing this piece is. And they'll all agree. That's how art works in a general sense now anyway. It's like there are people at the top that dictate a lot of this stuff.

You know what I mean that? Well, for sure, but there's also just talent. You know, someone's really good. Like, all they have to have is an Instagram page if they're really talented. Oh, yeah, but I'm saying the art world and the, and like the art as a commodity and that kind of stuff. Like, you know, like the bottom can fall out at any time of that just like anything else. It's like. I guess, but people always want art. But the thing is like what I'm getting at is nobody wanted that art. Yeah. And then all of a sudden it became worth millions. And it became worth millions because of the CIA. Yeah, that's wild. They mind fuck the American people into believing that terrible art is really. really good that's wild wild yeah no i just read an article recently about like how um art as investment like there's been like a huge change where a lot of artists that were being pushed and were really hot by galleries and this and that like just years ago and selling at x amount like their their stuff's not worth anything right now wow yeah wow i wonder why well when the economy starts going i would imagine that people stop buying art right like luxury items shit you don't need art yeah it wasn't i forget but it wasn't it wasn't it wasn't economy based it was like it was like the the trend like the you know to trend within that that world or whatever it's like

it's always weird to me how people put a price tag on that stuff i was in uh excuse me i was in venice recently and we went to uh i guess it's the gougenheim gallery the gougainheim family gallery it's a house that's like it's a gallery that's like on the water you like you pull up in one of those little boats you get off and you're in the gallery and it's just priceless art it was one person's collection so one super rich lady put together i think is it called the peggy gougenheim in venice i might be making that up but anyway it's a lady a very wealthy lady who really loved art is that it oh what a memory uh and she has this incredible collection where you like how much did she spend like this is like a billion dollars in art it's nuts man what is that

oh that's the front page oh that's the front page oh that's an exhibit that they have there but it's all there's some modern stuff but there's a lot of like like priceless shit yeah just unbelievable collection you collect anything no nothing no I like pool cues yeah I like no art at all nothing I have some art yeah but I have friends that are artists well this place is filled with art yeah I'm looking around yeah but but Like, I think of my house very differently in this place. I definitely collect art. Okay.

I love art for here. But for my house, I don't know anything. Okay. I don't collect anything. I started. This is, like, I feel like the studio is a totally different thing. Like, this, this is like, it's not my house. It's like a showcase, you know?

Yeah. I like to put cool stuff in here. Yeah. Like, I would, if my house was like this, it's too chaotic. It's too weird. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a creative space. It's cool.

It's cool in here. I have a few pieces at home from this guy, Greg Overton. He's a friend of mine, and he does Native American art that is just spectacular. He does these huge pieces, like this, you know, like eight foot by six foot. Yeah. Giant Native American faces that are just, I saw him for the first time. I was in Park City, just going through, like, the little town, and they had a gallery. And we were walking around, like, oh, let's go look at the gallery.

And it was just like right away. I was like, whoa. Should pull up one of his photos. If you can pull up the one that I have. But I stare at that motherfucker every day. Yeah, you know, it's totally different, you know, it's like, I just think what it, this was like, this is a very accurate representation of a real person that lived here 200 years ago. And like, what is that dude's life life? Oh, shit.

That's what, that one's in my wall. God. Yeah, how good is this guy? Wow. What is that? Oil? What is it? Oh, yeah, it's oil paint.

Wow. Oil or acrylic or, I mean, I don't know what exactly he uses, but it's painting. So, like, realistic. Oh, so, well, it's just really good, man. Wow. That's one of the ones that I have, but I have another one, this dude who has white paint on his face and this crazy scar on his face. It's like his stuff is, first of all, the dude, like, loves, that's it. The one with above it with the feathers, the white one?

Yeah, that's it. Make that little bigger. That one I see when I'm walking down the hall every day. Oh, shit. I was like the first thing I see in the morning is that motherfucker staring at me. Wow. Because I, you know, that's kind of powerful, dude. It's so powerful.

Yeah. I love that painting. Greg's a friend, too, and he's a cool motherfucker. But that, that to me represents, there was a real human that looked exactly like that walking around 200 years ago, had no idea what was going to happen to this country and just a short amount of time. And this dude in, you know, 1810 was just out here, lived his whole. life out here like this living under the stars following the buffalo around it's like it there's something

really powerful about knowing that people used to live like that that recently yeah so recent and now he hangs right by your powder room he's at the end of the hallway right when I get up on purpose I want to walk I want to walk towards that's that that's how serious I the stuff I've collected is a little bit more like vibrant, a little more like, you know, not so photorealistic and stuff. Like I was going to tell you someone I thought you liked this artist, Jordie Kerwick, as I have a piece of a, he's, I just, I found him on my own during the pandemic, I bought a piece of his art, and I really loved it. And then like, what does he do?

What kind of stuff? I mean, it's kind of like, well, his style has changed. I bought like a still piece that was like, but now he's moved to this really funky, cool, like lizard, like, um, like so what is that that's so this is some cool shit right yeah oh he's awesome he does sculptures too he's from australia i believe we lives in france he does sculptures yeah he's he's he blew up too and he's like he's the nicest guy so like a couple of years like few years after i bought his piece i saw him like something of mine on instagram and i was like oh he because

i i zoomed with him before i bought it i guess just to talk about it for a minute and i thought maybe he just followed me and knew who I was because I bought his art, but he didn't. He just knew me through comedy. And so I hit him up and I go, hey man, I saw you like something in mine. Like, you know I bought something from you, right? And he's like, I have no idea, no. And he's like, yeah,

we zoomed. And he's like, and he's like, no, no, I just am a fan. I'm like, dude, your stuff is amazing. And this guy was so nice. He ended up sending me more artwork. Like, he shipped me more artwork of his. And it's like expensive. And he just he just was so generous. He sent me more stuff.

That's awesome. This guy's dope, yeah, yeah. That looks like where the wild things are. How fucking dope is that, right? Very, very cool. His style has changed so much, too, and it's like, I want to get another piece. I'm like, part of me is like, I don't want to, if I'm going to spend, if I'm going to get it and I want to like, you know, try to vary it up. But I like his stuff so much that I just kind of want to like, he does weird shit too.

Yeah, that was creepy. Yeah. Yeah, art is awesome, man. It's like, it's got so few limitations. You can do whatever you want. You paint whatever you want. sculpt whatever you want you know and you have that thing in your house and you get to stare at it and it gives you like a whole different sense of life yeah like somebody made that so this popped out of someone's imagination you just my cough button still is it still broken let's try it seems like it's working now you uh and the whole thing's not out it acts a little weird oh that's what it is yeah okay how good are you with a bow and arrow pretty good how good like a bow hunt right right

Yeah, I practice. But I don't really know every day. Yeah, yeah, you have to. All right, so if I... I mean, I shouldn't see you have to have to every day, but you have to practice a lot. You have to be really accurate. But like back in the day when they battled bow and arrow, what skill level were those guys? Oh, that's a totally different kind of archery.

Right. So that kind of archery is... How much of that was like letting it fly and how much of it was like, I'm a sniper. Oh, no, they were good. Yeah. Guys are good. My friend Aaron Schneider, he's such a good bow. that he decided he wants to hunt with a recurve like a regular bow for a while because like he was a

difference it's way harder okay way harder to be accurate like a robin hood bow yeah robin hood bow yeah he killed everything with it he killed bears he killed deer elk everything but he's like a professional hunter it's like a like a world-class hunter ex-military guy got into hunting he's a fucking beast yeah and when bow hunting which is one of the hardest things to do becomes so easy that you want to pick up a regular bow and go shoot that. That shows you what type of human you're talking about. But he can group into like a softball-sized lump at 45 yards. He just fires him in.

No. Yeah, he's super accurate with that. Oh, fuck. So if I tried once, I was on vacation and I'm like, I'm good with a bow and arrow. I know how he shoot a bow and arrow. I do it all the time. I'm hitting him in the ass, hitting them in the neck. I was hitting them all over the place.

Not a human, not an animal, rather, a foam target. We're shooting recur. And I was like, I'll be able to do this. It was like a thing that you do. You shot Skeet. It was at an island resort. It was pretty fun. And then you shot Skeet, and then you got to shoot these recurves.

And I was like, oh, I got this. Bro, I was terrible. I didn't. Really? Totally different technique. Yeah. Didn't carry over. It carried over a little.

I mean, I hit the target, but I, there's no way I was accurate. So if I gave Chase, if I ran from you and you had to get, like, could you take me out if I'm, like, if I'm running around, like, a moving target? it depends on how far away you are okay you know because so call it so the arrows going 279 feet a second a second a second so what's that in miles i don't know but that's what my when i look at my range finder i'm just doing quick math but i think that's a billion miles an hour i have to enter in and my range finder i enter in how fast the arrows going yeah enter in how fast the arrows going how much the arrow weighs and it gives me like a very precise measurement of where my hour is going to be at the top of its flight.

So when I range something, I use a laser range finder. It's called a full draw. Loophole makes it. And when I click on the button, it gives me the distance. So I'll say like 53 yards. But it also gives me the height of my arrow because it's measured. I've entered in the speed of my arrow and the weight of my arrow and the feet per second it goes.

So you're going from home plate to center field in a second and a half. It's so fast. It's like you barely keep your eyes on it. See, and then mine is not as fast as other guys like I have a friend of mine my friend Josh Jones He just put together a bow that I think goes 340 feet a second But he's a big tall guy and when you're a taller person you have a longer draw length and you'll get more speed out of the bow I can't wrap my head around They're so fast

They're so fast Like I said if you were at home the way I'm thinking of it 200 is 136 340 is 232 Wow 232 miles an hour That's crazy That's insane

It's so fast dude That's the way I'm thinking of it If you're at home plate I'm at center field And you shoot your arrow at me I have a second One second to move out of the way His arrow's going

231.82 miles an hour That's bananas And there's people that karate chop those Not really Not that you kind of See a regular Okay you got a long bow, which is probably the slowest.

And then you have recurves. Recurves, I don't know if the Mongolians invented them, or if the Mongols invented them, but the Mongols had the strongest known bows. They had bows that take 160 pounds to draw back. So much so that, like, some of their skeletons were disfigured. Wow. Because they had so much time pulling in one direction that their whole body was, like, contorted in that shape.

Chiropractor would have cleaned up back then. Those guys were, I don't think current practice were real. But those guys were super accurate. But you'd have to do it every day. If you do it every day, it's like a pitcher, right? Like, if you ask me to throw a strike, who knows what's going to happen? I might not even go near the plate. I don't throw a ball very often.

Not since you started doing martial arts. But I mean, the point is, like, even if you did, you'd have to do it over and over and over again to be able to throw a strike in a game against a real good batter, right? That's what these guys are doing with bows and arrows. They're getting to that point where it's just like a throwing a ball. They know exactly how far it is, exactly where the arrow is going to go at that distance. They have a feel because they're doing it every day. But you have to do that every day.

The kind of archery I do, you don't have to do it as much. They probably should do it every day. But mine is like, I'm dialing this site out to the exact yardage. I've got like a fiber optic pin that's sitting over the spot. Like, I know exactly where it's going to be. It's super high tech, yeah. And then you know exactly where the arrow's going to be at every spot of the way if you shoot it straight? How long, because of all that, is it more about understanding it to be accurate or is there also still like, you have to be steady and everything?

You have to be, you have to just do it so much that it becomes a part of you. It's like, you know, when you were playing basketball, I'm sure there were times when you're fucking around with your friends where you just hit a flow. You just hit a flow and you start training. Right around my 13th point. But you don't know what you're with your friends. Game nine. Your ass kicked by Dominicans. But when you're just hanging out with your boys,

every now and then you'll catch a flow, right? Where you feel it. Yeah, for sure. What everything else is, it's like taking that and just doing it all day long until you can do it at any time you want. Sure. You're always in that flow.

So how long did it take you to feel like, oh, I know what I'm doing or, oh, I've, I've a marked improvement right now? It just takes, it took years. Years. Years of practice. That's wild. Yeah. So years of just like not hitting.

No, you always hit the target, but not consistently. So, you know, like I'd be in my backyard and I used to have a 45-yard target. And I was pretty good at 45 yards. So I could get most of them in the spot that I wanted to hit. Yeah. But every now and then, one would go left, one would go right. Now they're all going in there. Now, 45 yards for me is like, zip, zip, zip, zip, I'll ruin arrows because I'm stacking

them on top of each other. But if I go out to like 85 yards, then things spread out because then all of your movement is magnified. So the key is it's like any little variation, a little twitch to the left or to the right, over the course of 85 yards, it's going to vary six inches left or right maybe. Whereas at 45 would just be like a little bit, you know, and you think you're still dead on. And it just magnifies all the flaws in your technique. So it's like a you lose yourself in it because when you're at full draw, and you're at full draw, I'm not even talking about bow hunting. I'm just talking about target archery.

When you're at full drawn, you're really trying to hit that target. You have no room for anything else. There's no room in your mind for your bills or an argument you had with a business partner or fucking tickets you haven't paid. There's no room. Everything goes away. It cleans the mind because it requires all of your focus. That's the best part of it.

That's the best part of it. Everything after that, it just becomes like everything. else it becomes like a vehicle for you to like express yourself whether it's learning how to play a guitar or shooting a bow playing pool playing basketball it's like you're just finding a vehicle for you to express your spirit you have a let go of an arrow and like a bird like you know no no no that would be crazy like randy jackson you didn't see that that was nuts bird and that guy that guy was a house that guy threw heat he was like seven foot one he was so big he was a gangling fucking bird exploded yeah it was perfect it was like the universe threw us a bow right like

the universe like wasn't something fucked up yeah that's right yeah like every now and then the universe does that live tv you just continue yeah there's feathers on the floor there's it's like a loony tune cartoon this video's nuts boom oh my god that video is nuts that video is nuts that video is nuts that video is nuts and he's a lefty too son look at the slow-mo that bird made what a mistake that bird made it's just crazy that it didn't just like kill the bird but knocked every single feather loose

you can just cook that thing every single feather put it right on the fire it's pre-pluged it's like when you get into like an accident like your shoes and socks come off you know it's like every freaking feather went oh my god There's something about lefties, too. Yeah. I think lefties learn things better than righties. I know a lot of lefties that are really good at shit. It seems like the lefties that are like really good, they're like exceptionally good.

Weird, like oddly good. Yeah. I think seeing everybody do everything opposite and forcing your brain to adapt to this world where you're writing and you're smudging your paper all the time, because you're writing the wrong way. It's all weird. Right? Yeah. And then you're seeing everybody's doing everything with their right hand and you're doing it with

your left and you're supposed to everything seems wrong to you. So by doing that, you have to like really think about your movements. So I think. But the left hand comes out early, right? It's like inherent. That moving is inherent. It's not like they're working at it. Right.

Right. So it's like, I don't know. Do they even do they have to think about those things or like is it just like come? Oh, they definitely do. Yeah. Because everything's reversed. Yeah. Like if someone tries to teach you something, they have to teach you the opposite way.

It is a right-handed person's game usually. Like say if you're. a boxing coach and you only fight Orthodox. You've only fought Orthodox your whole life. And then some kid comes in and he says, I'm left-handed. And you have to decide. Either you're going to teach this kid fucked up and teach him left-hand

first, which some people actually think is actually a benefit. In fact, some great boxers actually fought, like Oscar de Aloha fought dominant hand first. So there's a few guys that have done that. They will if they're right-handed guys, they'll put their right hand in front. But for the

most part, you would want to teach that kid how fight as a Southpaw, which would mean you'd have to reverse everything. Right. So if you don't know how to do it, the right if your technique is off and you're showing some how to do something, like you're not really, so the kids got to like learn things

from his stance and watch you and just duplicate it, like mirror it from the other side. And sometimes that just teaches you more about the movement itself because you think about it. Because one of the things they say if you really want to learn something, say if you're like in a martial art skill

if you have a dominant side like if you're really good at throwing a kick with your right leg if you throw it and practice it and get it better with your left leg your right leg will improve as well oh that's interesting I didn't hear yeah

I feel like yeah because you're kind of yeah I could see how that it gives you a more comprehensive understanding of what you're doing and they say that about pool too like I can't really play with my left hand I can make like simple shots with my left hand

But there's guys that can just switch hands. The ambidextrous people are like probably aliens. Yeah. Just equal both on both sides. Like equal they could do it without even thinking either which way from the get. In professional pool, this kid named John Moore, elite like top of the food chain pro pool player. Harts his shoulder, can't play right-handed anymore. Learns how to play left-handed and becomes world-class left-handed.

Wow. learned as a professional when he hurt his arm that he had to start playing left hand and started playing left-headed and started winning like world-class events as a lefty beating world-class top of the food chain pool players who've been playing right-hand of their whole life

and he's been playing lefty for like two years yeah it's nuts I can't write my name I broke my arm once and I had to write my name and I write everything with my left hand it was fucking terrible yeah no it's like there's nothing And I draw, so I was trying to learn how to draw with my left hand. Yeah.

But I think it now, in retrospect, it might have helped me draw better with my right hand. I think if you can learn how to do something, that's why I think lefties are better at stuff. What do you draw? Well, I used to want to be a comic book illustrator when I was a kid. So I drew a lot of comic book stuff. Oh shit. Yeah. You do that still?

No, no, not anymore. You don't miss it? I mean, I can do it, I can pick it up, but I would have to get into it really to like achieve the skill that I used to have. and then I would like, I don't have any time. Yeah. It's fun. I love drawing, but I don't have any time. Those kids in school always, like, blew my mind.

They'd just be sitting there drawing, like, comic book, like, literal, like, that good. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You self-taught, or you just kind of... Yeah, mostly self-taught. See, that's also got to be something that's... I mean, if you start from nothing and just, like, I don't know. I feel like that's inside you somewhere as well, like, to be a naturally gifted, just to know how to... Some people are just better at that than...

Why, I had a very artistic family. My uncle Sal and my uncle Vinny were both artists. Okay. So my mom's brothers, both brothers were artists. What kind of artists? One of them ran a pottery guild, and I was an art teacher, and the other one did a bunch of different types of art photography and did a lot of album covers. No shit.

Did album covers for Kiss. No shit. Yeah, and he took me to work with him once, and I got to meet Ace Freely when he had no makeup on, like, before anybody knew what they really looked like. No, no, they had makeup on back then, but no one knew. knew what they looked like in real life right so he showed up in the office with no makeup on him's like this is crazy wild and i think i was probably like 10 you know and i was like this is nuts i was just hanging out my uncle in the office yeah and fucking ace freely walked in that's that's wow

my my third grade teacher um her brother was the drummer and twisted sister no yeah Tony piero we're not going to take it right he she's the first like I mean, like rock star that cross-dressed? Like D. Snyder and them? Right? Yeah, they were one of the big glam, yeah, like, glam rock bands. But it was almost cross-dressing. That's him on the right of D.

Right, like you would kind of, you would say. Yeah, that's, I mean, that's, that's. You would ask his pronouns. You know what I'm saying? That's like poison, all those groups back then. But, so yeah, so she lived, so we lived in these little garden apartments. Look at that. That's so ridiculous

Bro, they were huge They were fucking huge Was the beauty mark added or is that natural? I don't know, maybe they added it It's like a Maryland and Rob one Remember when the ladies were doing that? They were adding a fake beauty mark Like, what are you doing, honey?

So this guy, so my teacher lived upstairs from us In the apartment building So he used to go the other house all the time So I was in grammar school I was like, I couldn't have been more than like eight same something like that and my dad was the superintendent of the apartment buildings and so he knew everyone and my teacher so we met him at a young age and he used to come over my house all the time so i have pictures of me like my parents in my parents kitchen like just sitting down eight

years old in my pajamas with him and just eating like a tuna sandwich and he's like literally dressed like that he's in like i swear to god dude i have one where he's in full electric blue spandex pants oh my my god and like a jean jacket with his hair all up and i'm just me and him sitting at the table oh my god oh dude that's so ridiculous we used to i remember back then did you ever have that like did you were you into like the denim jacket oh i had a denim jacket and then we got like the patches all over it oh yeah that's right and then we graduated like everyone signed like take a sharpie a black marker like sign your jacket i don't think that exists anymore oh no

that kind of thing yeah denim jackets were assigned you were a rebel I had wearing a denim jacket especially if you have a pack of cigarettes in the denim jacket Yeah You know I remember there's this one kid You know sometimes when you're like

14 you see some kid that like You never seen before and you're like Wow that guy's so cool There was this dude he had a denim jacket On it and a pack of cigarettes in his pocket And he just had perfect hair And he just looked cool like this Italian looking kid I'm like that guy looks so cool

I wish I was cool Yeah I can never be that cool He was like smoking a cigarette I was like, that guy was like, he's in a movie. That guy's in a movie. I was a dork. I was trying to hide for people. I was trying to do that.

That influenced me so much that I took my money that I made for confirmation, and I bought a Van Halen replica guitar. I swear. Did you learn how to play? No, not a fucking chord. It was the red guitar with like the white lines on it. It was like a famous ed event. So it was a kid's one, though.

And I bought it at this place still there, mode music on Bay. I took all my money. I bought that. I bought an amplifier. I bought a guitar case. And I spent all my money on it. And I never used it, never took it out of the... I, like, you know, just never used it.

I have it to this day. Wow. Well, you can learn as a part of your workout regimen. Yeah, I couldn't. Like a mental concentration workout. Yeah, I could. Because it is kind of, right? I used it one time.

It came to, it came full circle on the show. Do you know the band Imagine Dragons? Yes. Okay. So I met them along the way, friendly with them. So before they, well, they was big, because this was Jones Beach, which is like 15,000 people. They sold that out. Whoa.

They were playing Jones Beach. It was like maybe, again, 10 years ago. And we, they made me, they threw me out on stage before they came out as one of the opening acts. And I had to sing and play guitar to almost 15,000 people. And I don't sing or play guitar. And they didn't tell me what songs. make it up on the spot. Oh, no.

Me and my buddy, Joe, who they put him as the drummer, they introduced this as a band called Signora Alonza, which was the name of our high school Spanish teacher. And so there was three opening acts before us, which is bonkers, right? And so when they were about to come on, they made it like they were going to come on. They lowered the lights and all those freaking spotlight started going all over the way. And the place went nuts. And then they introduced the fourth opening act. And us, too, walked out.

He got behind the drums. And I used that guitar that I bought in 1989, June 89. I finally used it in, like, 2015. And they just, they're like, all right, go, you're an opening act. And that's all they said. Oh, my God. And I just started, like, just hitting the guitar and just making up songs and stuff. And we were getting booed, shit.

People were throwing things out. Can we hear it? It's probably It's like copyrighted No no I made it up Oh you mean because of the show I doubt that Let's play some of it

Can I see it I put in your pants pocket A dedication for the set Open it up and read it Oh you had to dedicate the set Yeah the dedication was terrible Because I'm gonna play Look Mommy I'm a rock star

Oh boy This is one of our favorites he doesn't have a place oh my when I was laughing I said look

mommy I'm a rock star I'm a rock star how barely does he suck out there It's probably It's worse than I imagine. It's worse than I imagination dragons. Yeah, yeah. They made me sing five songs.

Oh, my God. Shut your face, Grandma. Oh, my God. Yeah. Also, they made me call them the imagination dragons right in the beginning. And I dedicated...

I said the men... I said, everyone just calm down. The imagination dragons will be out in a little while and then the dedication was like this it was in Long Island I was like it was like this this this this set is dedicated to the people of Pittsburgh because I could already tell that you guys are not going to be half as good an audience as them and then I started playing they were booing us and everything oh my and then at one point a guy came to like a guy came on stage and he tried to grab my guitar for me and I just I didn't know what was going I mean I was like

a deer in the headlights out there it was like 14 times and I just pushed him away and and he's like trying to grab my ground i'm pushing him away and i'm singing through it right i'm cursing also because i'm just like free freewheeling up there and i know they're like they're mormons they don't really curse and so like they were like i didn't get the memo i wasn't supposed to curse oh no and so i'm dropping f bombs i i sang a song called fuck the imagination dragons i'm better than them how long did you sing for i would say i would say like probably somewhere like eight seven eight minutes something and then so this guy I mean, I'm getting hit with ice.

That's so long. And then this guy, he keeps trying to get the guitar for me. I'm ripping it from him. And I'm like, fuck, the manager. And he's trying to, and I wouldn't let him have it. And I didn't realize that was the official union stage manager trying to get me off the stage because there's a curfew that they have to hit and they have to do their full show. And they have to do their finale.

And as soon as they go, you know, this past curfew on a union stage, the entire. thing is like double time for every single worker there and then there's penalties it's hundreds it could be like a hundred thousand dollars plus yeah yes and so no one tells me who this guy is so I'm shoving the real union stage manager off of me because I thought he was trying to just sabotage me right and I thought I had to stay out there so I push him away I push him away the guy's like give me the goddamn good time I'm like I'm not taking you know and I found out afterwards that that was like official and I was supposed to get off and I didn't i caused them later because they couldn't not do their encore their encore went into overtime

and the encore that dude he gets hooked up to his cables they lift him into the air and they spin him in circles while he plays drums it's wild and they said they went into they went into the bonus and they had to pay all these fees because of because of me oh no did you guys reimburse them no i don't have money to reimburse them like i just i i i know i they're still our friends but like and at the end they're like stage dive off and I'm looking in the crowd and I'm like I'm gonna kill myself these people are gonna catch me like they hate me

right and they stage dive stage I saw I just ran and I jumped off but I kind of just like landed on the floor and rolled like no one caught me it was yeah it was rough it was rough but that's the guitar that's how cool I thought that he wasn't twisted sister like that's how cool I was like Look at this guy.

Which one of your friends told you to stage dive? Fuck him. Whoever was, I don't know. That is so real responsible. I know. Well, they weren't. They were never going to catch me. And I got just, they saw me and I just, I kind of jumped off.

I think as I'm in the air jumping off, I think I get hit with a soda. It's like, it was bad. Oh, my God. So ridiculous. I know. That's so ridiculous. Yeah, the show's crazy. The show has given me like a lot of opportunities to do stuff like that.

I would never have done like that. Well, who the fuck ever gets to do something like that? Yeah. The balls to stand up there while those people hate you and go through with whatever they're telling you to say. I had a ping of anxiety. Did anybody let them know afterwards that it was for? I don't recall. I don't recall.

I would imagine maybe they came out and said something, but I don't remember. It was like 10 years ago. That's funny. There was another time they put us in the devils during, in between periods. They threw me as a goalie in the net of the New Jersey Dennis. And all the devils came out and took. slap shots on me and my buddy Q it was two of us in net

and it was scarier than that like they were taking blistering slap shots at us I was in full devil's gear as a goalie and I remember there was someone from like Sports Illustrated or something was there and I have this I saved it like a chain

of his tweets that he was tweeting and he's like I don't know what's going on here but the devils are apparently taking slap shots at a civilian he's down on the ground he's very hurt this is not a good promotion he's like I don't think that the devil should be doing this type of promotion with fans he didn't know it was our show oh wow and he's he's like did you get hurt no not not not not like hurt hurt it hurt but I didn't get hurt okay yeah but when you were down

he didn't need to be concerned I got back up but like it was like it still was hitting me like in the neck and yeah like you have the guard on and stuff does it guard protect your neck it hurt it hurt where does it cover your neck yeah everything was covered but it's still like Fuck. They'll take a puck like 90 miles an hour to the chest. Pucks are so hard, too. Yeah. And I played hockey in like late Grom School and high school.

I played hockey. And I started as a goal roller hockey goalie, but it doesn't, you can't compare the two things. Oh, you ever see some old school photos of the old school goalies with the scars all over their face? Dude, no, they didn't even wear fucking helmets back then. Yeah. It's crazy. They just played with our helmets. A puck hits you in the mug on Tuesday.

You're done. Yeah, and you got to play again next week. My first ever, my first ever tryout for ice hockey in high school was, it was hard to play hockey back then. Like, there wasn't a lot of, like, it was expensive and there wasn't a lot of rinks. We drove, like, two hours up to, like, Bear Mountain or something crap, like three hours of my family, my dad, my stepmom, and they had to wait in the stands because they can't drop you off and go home because you just drove three hours. So they're watching these tryouts, and my first time I ever put ice skates on in my life. played roller hockey already, but I never put on ice skates in my life.

So it was kind of like you were saying, like, just trying to play, like, left-handed or whatever. I was like, oh, maybe it'll transfer, you know? Yeah. And I put on these ice skates, and it didn't. I was really bad. But someone took a slap shot, and it got deflected into the stands. So whatever, I didn't think anything of that.

At the end of the tryouts, I went back, got my bag, got my bag, walked back out, and my stepmom was out there. her eye was this big the ambulance was there she bleeding black and blue stitches everything the puck hit her right in the face oh my god during my tryouts yeah oh my god dude right in the face oh i was like oh my god like it was her face was this big blood everywhere she was already black and blue a gash right here does that happen all the time to her no just the one to people in the crowd people in the crowd get hit i got it yeah Yeah, they had to put up nets because a couple of people died.

Jesus. Yeah, yeah. And this is a high school kid. Oh, my God. That was a high school deflection. Like, imagine, like, the devil's taking slap shots at you. Yeah. Bro, that's crazy.

Yeah. Those guys taking slap shots at you. Could you even react to it? Like, did you see it coming? Like, could you see the puck? It was like a split-second battle between whether I would, like, try to, like, actually block it or just like wince and take it because it was like it was faster than you know I was prepared for obviously like it can you skate not these days you know what's that

something interesting that picture that we've always seen me find it like this yeah it's not real right it's a it's a recreation of all the times he's had stitches in his life oh this says But the scars in his face are real. What it would look like if it simulates 16 years of professional hockey. The problem is, like, the one on the left, you can't really see very good. He's very shadowy. But you could tell he's got scars everywhere. You know, those guys just took it in the face all the time.

This says that the first guy wore a mask in 1929. This guy. When did they figure it out? Yeah, look at him. His nose is already busted. He's like, all right, I'm putting a fucking. mask on that guy's probably a genius he he had the mask and before he got his nose busted like really well like he got his nose is actively busted right maybe he didn't have the mask on afterwards

he had what I'm saying he's like let me put this thing on or maybe broke his nose with the mask on I mean if you take a full one to the nose yeah it's not like it's not a smash against your nose it's gonna smash one of them had the blood going through there right there the blood is going through the nose oh god I guess it's just the hole yeah but dude yeah that's a hard sport

built different that is a hard man sport and it's the only sport where you're allowed to fight to this day crazy just let them have it it's the weirdest thing if you think about

grandfathered in yeah all and all the extra precautions now and the CTE stuff and all that stuff and it just hasn't even permeated yeah like they haven't had a meeting not a vote

it's just like no the guys need to fight. It's crazy. It's part of the sport. Do you feel like it's less fighting now or no? I don't know. I don't watch hockey. I haven't watched in a minute. Yeah. Um, you know, I grew up in Boston. If you said, you had to be like, say it in whisper tones. I don't, I don't watch because people would get mad at you. There's big Bruins town. Everybody loved hockey. But for me, I was like, I don't like being cold. So, uh, I don't like skating. I don't have time for this. Yeah. It's a lot. It's involved. You need something. But it's a fun sport to watch. It's a really fun sport to watch. It's fast as fuck. It's, you got to be in a really good

shape to play hockey because those guys are just moving, move and moving, moving, moving. And it's like this delicate balancing actor doing on metal skates. Graceful, too. As much as it's just, you know, brute brutal. Sure. Like when you watch a guy like Bobby Orr in his prime the way he was able to maneuver through people, the movement, it's crazy. Yeah, it's like beautiful swans. Yeah, it's like a dance. It's a dance at a

sport at the same time. Really amazing sport when you think about it that way. And then the speed of it too. It's a fast. fucking sport man like you cannot be out of shape and play that sport that was the only time I was in my life probably it's fitness man you're you're constantly kind of sprinting yeah with skates you know you move so much core movement and when I did that I skated everywhere like I was I played roller hockey verse but when I was when I was like in my like four or five years that I was like obsessed with it I played every day I roller skated everywhere oh wow so you were with that guy out there roller skating on the streets yeah like a wild

man yeah well that's smart it's a great way to keep up those skills like you're gonna have to walk anyway you already know how well you can skate why not just skate there yeah it was kind of like skateboarding like why wouldn't i get there like five times faster or whatever the dudes try to knock you over ever when i played hockey no when you're skating bottom you know because that's a thing you see a guy with roller skates on you're kind of kind of tempted to go fuck this guy I mean, I wasn't, I wasn't like, it wasn't like, roller skating, like, on Venice Beach, like, with, like, my headphones and, like, you know, I didn't look like, you know, a cornball. I just, you know, some people, they don't like people in roller skates. Like, some, when I lived in California, motorcycles were allowed to split the lanes, you know.

Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, which is crazy. It's really dangerous. But if you have a motorcycle, you can get by in traffic when everybody else is fucked. You're, zipping right through. And I remember one time I watched this guy, see this dude coming up beside us. And I moved to the left to give this guy a little room so he could pass.

And the dude in front of me moved into the lane on purpose to stop this guy from passing him for no reason at all. And that's going to happen with that too. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't recall, really. It was good for my curfew because I used to go to my girlfriend's house. My dad was like, you had to be home by like 11. And it was like probably like a couple of miles. And so like that's a long time to be.

not running any bullies. That's what big of these are you guys out there that would just make that decision. You know, fuck him, fucking knock him off. I just just lace them up and there was actually a huge hill like halfway there. Like I got up to the scene. Yeah, I mean, flying.

So I just stand. And I'd be going like, I'd probably be going like 30, 30 miles an hour. If I wiped out, it would have been bad. And if someone pulled out, right? Was there any cars that could have possibly? No, it was a service road of a highway, and it was late at night, so I wouldn't do it if there was cars. You're doing it late at night on service road of the highway.

You know how crazy that sounds? Yeah. But it wasn't that crazy. It wasn't that crazy. But I would get home in five minutes, whereas it normally it would have taken me like 15 minutes. And you're getting a nice little workout. Yeah, I gave all that up.

Yeah. I remember when I got out, like, into the workforce, I was out of college. One of my buddies was like, you want to go shoot the puck around today? I'm like, I haven't done it in like five or six years. He's like, let's go. and we went and we went to like a little roller rink that like a hockey rink there we we skated around for about i must have been 20 minutes you know that burn that you get in your throat like the tracheous off because when you haven't like maybe you don't because you haven't like you're consistently working out but like when you're not in shape and then you try to play a sports or something and it just feels like your insides are on fire have you felt that not like that i know i don't i know what you're saying though like almost like you start to like almost like a cough up like phleg and stuff so this is a This is like you know cardio at all, no nothing.

Oh, man, I felt like a heart attack. You're doing that. Out of like, just like maybe like five years removed. Wow. Yeah. Yeah, just five years of not working out at all. And then you try to skate. I would imagine.

Yeah, your body, unfortunately, your body will just fall into a state of disrepair. I'm digging out of that now. It's like if you have a house, if you want a home, one of the things you find out as soon as you get your first home is ship breaks all the time. There was always some fucking pipe that. breaks there's this that goes out there's that that fucks up the AC's broken there's always something you're always that's the same shit with your body it's the same shit and if you put it into a state of disrepair and you don't fix the AC you don't fucking pipes are bad you don't deal with it you just let your house flood like that's the problem the problem is we most of us you know are like bad

landlords yeah that's me we're like slum lords for our body Yeah, I'm trying to change it. No, you are changing it. Don't say trying. Trying makes it seem like you might quit. You're not going to quit. That's right. There you go.

He told me when, because I'm going to be here and I'm away from home the next week. He's like, you've got to go at least three times and send me pictures of yourself. We can work out here. Yeah? I got a gym right here. Yeah? Yeah, we can work out after the show. I wouldn't want to bring you down, bro.

No, we just have a little workout. Just a little something. Yeah. Yeah, if you want to keep doing it, yeah. If you want to keep it up while you hear, the main thing about working out is momentum. It's number one, more than anything. else is momentum and if you lose your momentum then it's hard hard to get going but once you get going you get a couple workouts in a row you're like ooh this is it I do it this is what I do

fuck yeah we're doing it again just don't kill yourself don't get yourself to when you wake up you're like oh fuck yeah oh and you're so sore and you're gonna go to the gym right now that's kind of stupid yeah you really shouldn't yeah never don't you're not a pro athlete don't get yourself to that spot but as long as you just keep doing it that's the It's just, I think that's with almost everything in life. That's what alcoholics say. It's, you know, one day at a time. They just, next day, next day, get some momentum.

Now I'm not drinking for two years. Now I'm not drinking for five years. I've got all these coins and shit. Yeah. It's the same thing. It's just like we have to just make healthy patterns. And you can do it. You're doing it right now.

The next time when I come back, I'll be like. It's going to be jacks on. Shredded. We'll have a pose off next time. I'm not I'm just I'm just looking to live longer you know it looks good Shane see how big you got no Shane's been working out here yeah yeah Shane's been working out like super regular he got really into working out we started doing these comedians workouts here and then uh Shane after the parks thing yeah Shane got my friend Sean to start training them and Sean goes hardcore yeah I haven't no I haven't

I talked to Shane yesterday but I haven't seen him I actually you know what's so funny the last picture I saw of him like or not the last picture as it but recently I saw he was filming this that John Manon movie and that paparazzi took that photo of him in character with the mustache coming out of his trailer. Oh, I haven't seen that. It was an unflattering shot. Like, he's talked about it.

And that's, so that's the last thing I really saw on is you could probably pull that. You can probably put it. It's pretty freaking funny. You could see he locks eyes with the photographer just as he's coming out and it's like, he's already meant to look, I think, frumpy from the character.

That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's awesome. He's going to be... John Madden. He'd be perfect. Well, he first of all... Is he Madden?

No, I don't think he's madden. Who is he supposed to be? He's just someone in the Madden universe. Oh. Oh, Nick Cage is John Madden. Which I can't see at all. Oh, really? Whoa, does there a photo of Nicholas Cage as John Madden?

I want to see that. Oh, that's young John Madden. Well, that's Nicholas Cage. Yeah, that... Oh, the hair does look like Madden's hair. Yeah, but the face is like Michael's Cage, though. No, they did a little soft. something to his face.

They did a little something to it. Wait, wait, wait, didn't they? Wait, though. How funny is it though? You looked at Shane and said that he was John Madden. I thought he was John Madden. I thought he was John Madden. He could pass for him.

He could pass. So when I first clicked on it, I was like, Shades, I said this. That's hilarious. Oh, there it is. Oh, yeah, they definitely did some stuff to him. They did some stuff to him. Yeah, he's got like a face thing on. Wow, that's crazy.

He looks like him. man like even the body they got the body right yeah that's nuts christian bail wow is that christian that's christian bail that's nuts that guy's a fucking chameleon wow yeah that'll be sick wow biopics man oh wow that's cool um what were we just talking about we're talking about Guys get oh Shane got big Oh yeah He got plug and

Got stout He must be putting in work then Because I'm also like only doing it Three days a week So because I just started And I don't want to like You know I don't know if he's been on it recently

Because he just did He's about to do tires again He's like you know The boy's busy I know Fell is busy I know every time He's out there killing it

I know I love it Love to see it He's the man I uh You know what I got to shit for After the last time I was on What

I uh I, so many people came out to me after the last time. I was like, dude, I saw, you know, the Rogan episode, and you didn't finish a story. And I'm, I'm, the amount of people that said this to me, I must have been like, really? Yeah. I started to tell you a story about an experience I had, I think, with a ghost. Because I never, I didn't believe in ghosts.

And I guess I started to tell it and didn't finish it. Can I tell you the amount of people that came out of things like, what the fuck, man? You can't start. You can't just start it from the end, though. I know. You're going to have to start. Anyway, so that's, retell the beginning of the story.

Retell the beginning of the story because otherwise people are going to go, what the fuck is he talking about? Then they'll have to go back and listen to the whole podcast. It was so many people, though, that finally I was like, I swear to God, if I go back on, I will bring it up and I'll try to retell the Let's retell the story. I just, I'm doing this for them. I just, I don't know how great the story is.

So we were talking, I was saying how I just, I don't believe in them, but I had this experience. I don't know what to make of it. Okay. Okay. So, so I was, I lived alone with the story. time and I when I go to sleep at night I lock my I lock my my bedroom door this is something I do so I locked my door and I was laying in bed and I had the television on and a lot

of times I'll put the TV on mute but keep the TV on when I fall asleep something I do so I was telling you how because I sleep with a CPAT machine how I would wrap myself up in a cocoon because I had an air source so I like it's like a sarcophagus I like put everything over my head and I tuck in my feet my and I put my like I swear you just see a tube coming out it's it's amazing it's like the sensory deprivation things right right okay that's what it's like okay so I got used to that so anyway I had just I was wide awake I just muted my television and I wrap myself up like a fucking burrito and I had the CPAP on I'm laying there and I always stick like one foot

or one hand out it's just a nice cool breeze it's like a fun little thing to do when you're wrapped up like that right And I had my hand out, so this was out. And I'm just laying there, and I thought I heard something or somebody, I don't know if it was talking, or I heard what I thought was like the door open, I suppose, like, again, wasn't asleep. I wasn't asleep. I was just, I was just about to fall asleep.

I wouldn't even, like, I. Just laying there. Sure, sure, yeah, yeah. But I didn't sleep and wake up or nothing like that. And I wasn't, it was, I wasn't laying there there. 20 minutes. It wasn't like that. And I'm laying there and I heard walking or the door or something.

And so I listened more intently. And I didn't hear anything again. And then all of a sudden I felt, I don't know if it's a hand, whatever you want to call pressure, squeeze. Oh, right here on my hand. Right? I just felt my hand gets squeezed. and I what's going on in my mind is I thought there was an intruder in the house initially right so like an intruder came in the house and I know I'm feeling this I'm like this all happened in seconds but I'm thinking okay I heard something now this pressure on my hand and it went tighter and I'm like someone is squeezing my hand right now I have to act like I'm not feeling this because I don't know what's about to happen but then I started in the same thing I'm like

If this was a home intruder, why would they do this? It doesn't make any sense to me. Like, so aren't they going to wake me up? Like, wouldn't they try to get in and out? I'm thinking of this in a split second. And the pressure is such that it actually begins to hurt. Not hurt, like, ow, get off. But like, oh, that's squeezing.

Right. And I'm like, all right, I am going to have to jump up and fight right now or something. Something's happening here. And I said, are you awake? Are you awake? And I'm like, I'm, I'm awake. I'm awake right now. I'm laying here, I'm looking, I'm feeling my hand.

I am fully awake. And I was like, I feel like I either have to count a three jump up and get ready to fight or I'm vulnerable and I don't know what's going to happen to me. I'm not, my mom, I'll just take charge of the situation, whatever I can. Right. And I just took a breath. And I was like, all right, here I go. And I, and I, uh, did they let go?

I felt the pressure release off my hand. And so that's when I was like laying there with it limp. And I was like, I'm going to jump up right now. And I was whatever happened. happens times and it was like nerve wracking and I just jumped up in my bed up and so I was standing on the bed I like threw the things off and I just like was ready to it and there was nothing there on my door how long was something squeezing your hand for um I'll say less than 10 seconds that's a long time yeah maybe yeah maybe like 10 seconds

because it was first it was on me and then it was more pressure and then more pressure and then let go. And then when I jumped up, no one in my room, door locked. And I was like, I'm up. I was up. I was just up. I'm not like sleeping. And it freaked me out.

I turned every light on, opened my door, walked around the house. I almost like, I was like, do I leave? Like, maybe the aliens thought you were trying to kill yourself. What? Maybe the aliens. Maybe that's what it was. Maybe it was an alien came down like, hey, buddy, you what are you doing under? You're right under there?

Because I was wrapped up. Yeah. You're wrapped up with a two. Coop coming out. He's like, this guy might be offing himself. We've never seen this before. I want an explanation. They're like, when the people sleep, they never sleep with their head covered. We need to get in. And they just went in and just grab his hand. We need Sal to stay alive. It definitely looks weird from the outside when I sleep. Like, if you saw a picture of it, it looks like what the fuck's going on? Shane was telling us a story the other night about how he had like, uh, like, you know, they talk about like sleep paralysis demons. Yeah. He had an experience like that. I heard of sleep paralysis, not demons. He had an experience of like a thing standing over his bed with, like a white face like oh and he couldn't move this happened to Shane yes and I go

dude how many how many cases by an alien was was he no he said he was sober really he was younger yeah he was like I think he said he was 23 or 24 when it happened yeah okay so I go dude you got abducted I think the aliens came yeah oh shh yeah I think that's what he was seeing I think he was waking up from it and there was one right there and they had him paralyzed yeah I don't know why an alien would be in my bedroom. Well, I think there's aliens that monitor a lot of people, if they're real. And there's a lot of stories, man.

Had they get in, though, because that little thing was closed. They can just appear. They go right through walls, apparently. Doesn't matter. I think if they've reached a level of technological superiority where they could travel instantaneously through vast distances in space, which is what they think they're able to do, like able to bend gravity and just, and just like reappear in the other side.

They just go right through your wall, bro. Okay. So why are they playing with my fingers? Because they like you. They're bending time and space. They're traveling. They get to my little one bedroom apartment and they stand in there and watch me with my CPAP and then squeeze my three fingers.

Maybe they like your sense of humor and they would like you to stay around and they think you're a positive contribution to the culture. And they don't want to mess up the delicate balance. of the human race. They need more funny people. Maybe that's it. It makes no sense, though, right? Of course, it doesn't make sense.

UFOs don't make sense. I don't mean that. Ghosts don't make sense either. I don't mean that feeling. So grabbing your hand doesn't make sense. No, it doesn't make sense. But it just, it sucks that I'll never have an answer. Well, it could have been just a spasm.

And one thing that could happen is your hand could have locked up for whatever weird reason because it happens all the time. It could happen with your foot. It could happen with your leg. It feels like to be locked up. This felt as. As pure as can be like this doing this. You ever be watching TV with your wife and you start snoring?

And she goes, are you asleep? You're like, no. Yeah. But you really were? Yeah. Do you think maybe you thought you were awake, but you were like right there? I mean, you're in bed. It's the only explanation I got.

You got a tube in your mouth. You get the CPAP. You're wrapped up like a mummy. And then something's grabbing your hand. Maybe you're dreaming. That thing would have been probably scared when I jumped down with the mask. I know, right? No, but...

Or aliens. But here's the thing. I really took inventory before I jumped up to fight. Like, I was like, I am awake. I am feeling this. I am not sleeping. I know I am not sleeping. While you were feeling the pressure on your head.

Yes. Like, I was saying to myself, I'm 100, you are 100% awake. Like, this is happening to you right now. Okay. Aliens. Yeah, fucking what. Aliens are ghosts. Ghost is what I thought, but...

Yeah, maybe. What's the point? Well, ghosts seem to be. in places where people die violently like the comedy store is a good example of that the comedy store used to be

Ciro's nightclub so it was owned by Bugsy Siegel so for sure somebody got whacked somebody got whacked and you know there's also talk that like they use the basement to do illegal abortions it's like there's a lot of like folklore around

that place because it was a mob run nightclub they had to start doing that again soon but so many people that worked there over the years that I was there so many people that like people that were like late night bartenders or security guy yeah they all had weird a few comics a few comics that were like reliable reasonable people had bizarre experiences yeah carloboe was asleep on stage he said he got kicked out of his house him and his wife got to fight let fuck you I'm gonna make it you know goes his girlfriend at the time I think I don't

even think it was the same person but anyway he's at the comedy store sleeping on the stage and he hears the seats clinkling around in the dark like something's moving the seats and he goes hey it's uh it's me carl i got kicked out of my house so i'm just sleeping on the stage he doesn't hear anything and then all of a sudden something grabs his ankle and drags him off the stage onto the floor and starts pulling him through the crowd and then just let's go and then he hears a door slam and then another door slam on the outside and he's laying in the middle of the comedy store main room there's no people there he has no idea what the fuck happened he didn't see anything he just felt something grab him and drag him off the stage and into the crowd and he never he wasn't like a guy who'd made things up right he didn't have any other stories like but it's not like a one of the workers or another comic fucking with him no i don't think so no i don't think so they would have definitely told him after a while and also i don't think so because he didn't see them like he was like i didn't see anyone grab him he's like it's dark in there but it's not perfect darkness right he's like I didn't

see whatever grabbed me and pulled me off the stage it's like maybe they didn't like someone staying the night there maybe that's their time like you want to do all your bullshit during the day with your bookkeeping and then at nighttime with your stupid jokes but once you guys leave it becomes the ocean it's mine yeah it becomes the ocean it gets dark you just get to see a place where a bunch of people died damn yeah There was a lot of suicide there, right? At the store? No, there was just one.

That store at the hotel next door? The guy jumped off the roof. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was during the days where the comics weren't making any money. So what is this? The comedy store, popular nightclub.

So what is it say? One of the schnazziest nightclubs during the 40s and the 50s. Built by nightclub impresario William Wilkerson in the late 1930s. Theos offered top entertainment, a swanky hangout for Hollywood with stars and other high-profile people, including gangster Mickey Cohen, who used the club as his base of operations and had peephole's drills into walls so he could see who is coming and going. While dancing, drinking, and dining went up on upstairs.

Zero's basement with the sight of darker doings. Mob henchmen beat, tortured, and killed those who did not repay debts, owned competing clubs, betrayed trust, or crossed the mob in some way. pregnant showgirls and mob girlfriends received illegal abortions with at least one woman dying from her abortion. Wait staff, security guards, and office workers are reported seeing a frightened man in a World War II bomber jacket who fades upon sighting. What? A huge black phantom in the basement and a man in his 1940s garb walking around the premises and through walls. They have heard a woman wailing in the basement when no one was there and have experienced strange pranks.

such as chairs stacking themselves in the middle of the stage and perfectly set tables becoming unset. Yeah, everybody that I knew that worked there for a long period of time had something weird happen. But a few guys saw things. Like one of the guys, I forget his name, man. It was like an old school comic that was hanging around there, said that one night when he was a doorman,

he was going into the back bar area. And some guy, he saw some guy walk through the swinging, doors um you know because there's like two sets of swinging doors so he walks in and as he's walking in he sees this guy go through the other set he's like hey uh we're closed and he goes out into the hallway dead empty i mean instantaneously goes from seeing the guy walk through to hey man we're closed there's a long hallway and there's no one no no one ran no one nothing he's like dude I saw a guy he pushed open the fucking the saloon doors and it's not just him multiple people have had weird stories like that and I always wonder like if someone dies in some horrific way

like that that's like very violent maybe it leaves like a memory maybe it leaves like a stain of what you know like the the universe force the peace love force of the universe is so disrupted by this vile act that it leaves this like yeah this haunted memory that exists in the space because like they have to tell you if someone was murdered in a house. They do? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. I think there's a timeline. You know, like you can't

say in the 1920 someone was murdered because someone was murdered at our club someone was murdered in our club in the 70s. No shit. Mm-hmm. Wow. Yeah, I forget the story. But the point is like if you buy a house, like they have to tell you. They have to disclose it.

Yeah. Not every state. Not every state? Some states, California does, but Texas that says it's not. We don't believe in that down here. We just bring in Jesus. I'm doing this bit because of my... Many states, there's no duty to disclose a death. Oh, so it's only California and Alaska.

What states make you? Texas and Florida do not have to have a general duty for deaths unrelated to the property's condition. What if, like, a wall is splattered? What if I think of a... Because I am... How many states... make you tell those are the ones that believe in crystals

right it makes sense it would be California right doesn't it doesn't it make sense Alaska California and South Dakota only three states that's nuts

there's just a timeline too oh in California three years and in South Dakota they 12 months get over it 12 months that's so funny Alaska says just within the past year.

Oh, a suicide, too, in Alaska. They haven't listed as suicide as well. That's interesting. What is the point of the 12 months? Get over it. Like, who's putting that in there? Life moves on, Sal. We don't have to let you know of it's more than 12 months ago.

That's actually shocking. I would have thought it would have been way more than that. Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. That it really is. I have a, I just recently, when my wife was not home for a few days, and when we were having the baby and everything and I had to come home because I had work and I'd take care of my other daughter and stuff and I was never in bed without my wife there like I just it was the first time

I was like laying in bed without her and that's when they come get you that's when they got you right yeah we know this right because she can't defend you right exactly no this is a new bit I'm doing based on something that happened to us so uh you know she I'm on the road now like all the time for comedy because she experiences that but I don't and I was like oh this is I feel vulnerable like like what if like I'm thinking it's like what if something an intruder or a killer or something like that you know right so I'm thinking myself well she's what's she going to do if she's here she's not going to do anything right and I started to think well oh my her being home is just a false it's a delusion of security for me she might yell alert me to the killer just you need one

extra second yeah she should together she might yell alert me that that could help or the killer might kill her and and I get away I don't want that to happen but that's just like what it could happen right she's not there I'm like I need I need something in this house I don't have anything So I didn't think anything of this, but I Amazon primed the machete to the house, right? So it came the next day. She didn't come home until three days later. So I had the machete in the house now. Like, I felt better, but I wasn't going to get a gun.

I just, you know, whatever. I think I couldn't get a gun that quick anyway, right? So I don't even know if it's leave, whatever. So I get this machete. I have it in the, we have the king-sized bed. It's a split king. Right. So I had it like in the crack of the bed.

Okay. So when she came home three days later, she got home at night. night she hadn't been home in like six days she took a shower she had major surgery she was healing she just got in bed and it was already late at night and so i was in bed and like we went in bed with her and we shut the lights and i was laying out i forgot that i i didn't tell her that i ordered a machete i forgot that it was in between the bed so she so she felt it and and she's like what is this and i just was like i knew she wasn't going to be happy about it because like so it's just like you know that's our machete we got we got we got we got a machete Amazon Prime the

machete and she's like you're not keeping the machete long story showed my what I was when I was laying there without her for a few days I was like this is not a good weapon because I'm going to end up if an intruder comes I'm going to machete them and then I we can't live here anymore you have to move yeah you have to move if you get into a machete fight with someone and you you you chopped them up you have to move right away pretty much You don't even stay. Never mind things. You don't clean up.

You don't stay the next day. And so I already started thinking, well, how do I sell this house then? If I'm a machete, like, if I'm, if I hit someone with a machete in here, they die right here, that's bare for the listing. But I don't have to disclose it now. Now that I learned, I don't have to disclose it. Just hold on to it for a year or. I don't have to. In New York, you don't have to sell anybody anything, right?

Is that what it said? Yeah, that's what I'm saying? I was worried about it. Ask, though, you have to, you have to say. Oh, you got to just go out. It's like, are you a cop? That's good move. People thought that was real.

That is the dirtiest trick they ever pulled in movies. Did you machete anyone here? No. You know if you're shitting someone, you have to tell us. Oh, you got me. I'm an undercover cop. Yeah, that's funny, man. It is funny when you really stop and think about it because, like, that's such a crazy idea.

That you have to. That you have to tell them. They don't, they lie about everything. Like, guys that infiltrate the mob, you know, like those kind of guys. Imagine if you have to tell. Are you an undercover cop? That's so funny. Oh, you got me.

That blows deep cover. It's like, you imagine if that was a rule. Joe Pistone. I had Joe Pistone on the podcast. Did you? Yeah, yeah, recently. He's amazing. He's 18 months in deep undercover.

One of the guys is like, are you a cop? Yeah. Imagine, oh, because if you say no and you really are, the case gets thrown out. Could you imagine? Imagine that was the rule? That's just like some type of like lore or something. Yeah, it's just like something

they probably did on a TV show once. You know you got to tell me. And people believed that. When I was a kid, I remember people saying that if you're buying weed and the guy says that he's a cop. Yeah, he can't arrest you. I got to ask him. Same.

It's bullshit. It's complete bullshit. Complete made up stuff. But that's just one of those things you would hear when you were a kid. Yeah. Before the internet. You didn't get a chance because we just checked to see the truth. I thought it was real.

Like, I felt, not that I was doing anything that would have warranted me having to ask, but, like, I did feel like a sense of, like, I got something in my back pocket if something's, like, if I don't know, you know, if I'm at a party, underage drinking, like, you know. You might be able to pull that out and rescue yourself. Oh, you got me. Get out of here, kid. The best is the follow-up where if the cop says no and everyone's like, you know you have to tell me if you are. What was that from?

Like then the cop games, oh, okay, fine, fine, fine, fine. I forgot I had to tell you. I forgot. What's the origin of that? I don't know, that's so funny. Do you think that was like a television show or a movie or something? I bet it was. I bet it was like a tool that they used in a television.

Or maybe it was like a CIA op to get people to think that they would be able to use that any time so they don't worry about doing illegal shit. Sciops feel like the good answer for everything. It does. Although it's probably an episode of like Matlock or something like that. Sciops also account for your hand grip. Somebody grip in your hand. some remote viewer reached out, some CIA basement, fucking focused on your hand and squeezed it. Do you know I only learned what sci-op?

I only learned the term sci-op with the drones recently. Oh, really? Yeah, I never heard of it before. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. You never heard of psychological operations that are done on not just this civilization, but others? No, I never heard. I mean, at least framed as a sci-op.

And then I was like, what is that? And I was like, you know, because with the drones, man, I was, if that was a sci-op, I was fully sci-opt. Well, I don't know what that was, you know, because they were going to tell us, supposedly, and then they kind of just didn't. Yeah. But, no, I was waiting every day. Trump was like, I'm going to come. When I'm in, I'm going to give you a full download immediately. It's ridiculous.

I'll let you guys know what's going on specifically. And then it was, he said someone, he didn't, then he never addressed. Then someone else said to him like, hey, what was going on with those drones? Remember you going to tell us? And he was like, they're ours. And that's all he said. that was like five weeks of

I was watching drones outside outside my window every night I had binoculars like my wife's like go to bed you're going to drive yourself crazy I'm like there's 12 drones outside right now yeah you can't

discount the idea that they're not telling you the truth but they might have been ours too that's the problem it might have been someone else's that doesn't mean anything yeah but it doesn't mean but it's weird how the administration

before him refused to say anything and let it get to a fever pitch where people started to feel like completely like not that I don't trust the government already but like it's it got to a point where I was like this is how are they allowed to just just tell us oh you're not seeing it's there that's not what you're seeing like it just was like I was getting like really because now you know you think differently with kids and stuff like that I'm like what's going on here well I started like I started Amazoning like dry foods and like it's survival manuals and stuff, I'm like, what is, are we going to go to war? Like, what is going on?

So there's a bunch of different possibilities, right? And all of them, they don't have to be truthful about it, nor would they be, if it's a national security issue, it'd probably be better if they weren't truthful because people would freak out. It's also the potential that they are ours and they did them on purpose to see how people would respond. Right. So that's possible too.

Right. It's also possible that they're not ours, and there's someone else. else who's flexing on us and they're doing it in a way where they're showing you we have technological superiority. Our stuff is way more advanced than yours. And if there would be a culprit in that regard, in my mind it would be China. Right. That's what I thought at first. China is so far ahead of the United States in drone technology. They're so far the United States in electric car technology. Yeah. Like they're doing some wild stuff over there. They make, I mean, at least Taiwan does, makes all the semiconductor chips or a lot of them.

There's a lot of electronics that are being manufactured over there. They're a very high level of sophistication for their engineering and all the design and all the stuff they're doing. They're doing some. Renewable energy. They're light years. Yeah. Singapore. Light years ahead of us.

I think we're sleeping on how far advanced they are with certain stuff. They do drone shows that will fucking blow you away. They have synchronized drones that do like stories in the sky. Have you ever seen them the Chinese drone shows? I've seen like just light drone shows here where they like they form like an image or something like that. See, this is the thing about regulations. Regulations are good. You don't want a bunch of drones flying around, slamming into planes.

But the problem is if you only allow someone to fly these very sophisticated drones, if they have a pilot's license, and then you regulate everything, the way they do in America, and then you say you can't make this and you can't make that, and we can't have this and you can't have that, you're stifling innovation while in China. They're going hog wild So they're not even thinking about regulating They're making the best stuff they can make all the time And they have the best minds that they can have working on them Because they have to

Go make me a fucking drone army Right Jamie pull up like the dragon one When they had the dragon in the sky Dude their shit is so far beyond what we're doing I know and that's why I thought And there was out there that that was them And that could easily be that

But then Trump was just like It's just us. It's just us. Maybe that's what you have to say, because if you say that China's flexing on us. Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. Oh, my God. They have insane.

And this isn't even the craziest one. They have other ones that are even crazier. Like, these things are nuts. Oh, my God. Exactly. That's all independently flown? A hundred percent. Like every single one of those lights is independent?

Every single one of those is independent. They're all different drones. And they all are moving to the sink of some program they created. Oh, my God. unbelievable man and that's just the pretty stuff right now imagine if they're doing that what kind of military stuff do they have what kind of stuff do they have that can block signals what kind of stuff that they have that maybe has some sort of a novel power source or a novel battery supply right my friend saw one of them that just hovered overhead he said

this thing just hovered he said it was as big as a fucking school bus and it was just hovering above his head in new jersey yeah that's that's they were like the size of like Cars. He said it wasn't a helicopter. It wasn't loud. Yeah. It took off. And some of them, they said when they were going after them, they shut their lights off and evaded pursuit.

Yes. They put jamming signals out so you couldn't find their location. They were doing weird stuff. So if that is ours, then they're trying, like, look, if you're going to do a real military exercise, that's how you would do it. If you're going to, if you were going to say, okay, we're going to, we're going to plan this out, but we're not going to let the pilots know what's going on. We're going to start flying these things over and seeing how these jets interact with them in a real world environment. Tell them not to shoot, give very distinct orders, either not to be shot down. It's because we're not going to do anything hostile with these drones.

Let's see how good they are at finding them, tracking them. Let's, like, pressure tests the system. So if they're ours, I would say that would be a good way to do it. I mean, it seems a little unethical. Yeah. But you also get two things at the same time. You get the little psychological thing where you get to see how bad people freak out. Some people might freak out.

Please look at my phone. Do whatever you want. Set an Alexa in my toilet. Do whatever you want. Just protect me from the drones. Yeah. So you can find out how people react to the UFO craze. And then you can also find out how well our drones are at evading modern warplanes.

Alexa in the toilet's not a bad idea as well. Don't tell yourself sure. You're going to have robots in your house that talk to you all day and report what you say to the government. That's going to happen. I do that now. I finally did chat. I was telling you, I did chat GPT finally. I was like, I'm not going to do this.

I'm not going to do this. I really want to do this. And I was like, I also don't want to be left behind. Like, if this can, like, you know, so. It's going to be inevitable. And it's not just going to be inevitable. I mean, there's going to be versions of it that are going to achieve things that the greatest human minds couldn't even believe.

Yeah. It couldn't even believe it would be possible within our lifetime. That's what I think. I think it's going to get to a point. They have artificial general super intelligence, and it's, what is it, 18, 2049, what's the year they think it's going to achieve, like, it's peak intelligence? There's, like, estimations. Like, a lot of these guys, they point, is it 2045 or 2049? There's, like, the Kurzweil guys, didn't, because that was that conference that Ari and I and Duncan went to back in the day.

That was Kurzweil's thing. I think it was 2049. So if at 2049, like, what does the AI look like then? It's like some super creature, some new type of life form, you know, some new super intelligent thing that we made. Yeah. And that's when the aliens land and went finally. They go, finally you guys made it. 2040 and 2050 with some placing a 50% probability around this time frame.

Predictions range widely. with some entrepreneurs and AI leaders being more optimistic, suggesting dates in the 2030s or even late 2020s while others expect it closer to mid-century or later. Wow. Nah.

Oh, that's scary. You know how I'm using it now? I just talk... I pay the 20 bucks and I named... I asked the... I gave her a female voice, whatever. Right. It's just fun, though.

I mean, at least I'll have fun while I can with it. And I just said, I said, what's your name? And she said, just chat. No, just chat. I'm like, no, baby. I'm like, can I call you stank ass? Whoa.

Yeah. I just off the top. I was like, I call you stank ass. And she was like, she goes, it's a bit crass, but I, I get why it's funny. Sure. So I was like, cool. Can you just call me big pimping whenever you talk to me? And she's like, all right.

And I was like, and whenever we speak, no matter what I'm asking, can you please speak in 90s hip hop vernacular? And she's like, yeah, no problem. So now that's just how, like, if I'll ask you something, she's like, yo, what up, big pimping. She's like, let me get you that, you know, let me get you those, whatever. She's like, let me find you a hydration tablet that's in the, you know, here, check it out. Do you know how many guys are doing that?

Why? You know how many guys are, like, falling in love with girls that they have AI girlfriends? That's, I mean, that's, yeah, that's fucked up, but that's, there's no doubt that's going to happen. Wait, wait, let me just a second. Hey, Stankass, you there? Yo, big pimping. I'm right here vibing with you. What you need, just hit me up and we'll keep it all hip hop and smooth like always.

That's hilarious, dude. That's so funny. That's as far as I've got. Now that's going to be a person in your house. One day that's going to be a person in your house, a really hot one in like a maid's outfit. Not if I have anything to do with this. Not you, but some guy out there listening. He's going to be talking to Big Pimpin.

We're going to be in the Matrix in five years. Don't, I can't, every time I come, I can't leave here with a full-blown new set of anxieties. I can't do it. You're going to need them. You're going to need the anxieties for when society falls? I can't. You're going to need to learn to use that bow and arrow. It's going to fall in the game.

How about instead of the gym, you just take me a little bow and hour practice, just a little bit. It's just a little bit to eat, well. Just give me, just get me enough, like if someone's running on my lawn, I could just take them out. There's no such thing as a little. Someone could, like, show how you to do it once. But if you want to learn, like, a traditional. additional bow and arrow set up I'm not the guy to do that because the machete's not going to go that no the machete also the grip I don't like how close it is to the blade I don't like I don't like that

either yeah I don't like that although I did watch two guys in a machete fight in the streets and one guy chopped the other guy's hand off and the other guy picked his hand up and left yeah yeah that's on Instagram Tom scurra sent me that one he picked it up and left chopped his fucking hand right off and that dude looked down grabbed his hand and left He's like, I guess this fight's over. I just lost a hand. Let me pick up my hand and fucking skied at all. I mean, what do you think, I mean, I guess this is better than dying?

I guess. He took the hand. He's optimistic. Yeah, I mean, maybe they could stitch it back on. Your hand gets chopped off. You don't run? You get the hand. You talk about the caliber of doctors available in a place where you can get your hand

chopped off in a machete fight in the street. Right. Right in front of a taco vendor. Yeah. The veterinarian. You've got to find a white page. Don't play it. Don't play it

Jesus Christ Okay Play it Um Do I watch The son of a bitch Bro Oh my god

Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god Dude See that guy Already doesn't have a hand See

Oh my god No I don't see And I don't want to see See how he runs off He's missing his fucking hand He's like I said unleaded Bro those guys Hacked each other apart

With machetes So look He's missing his fucking hand Look at him He's like Like, where's your hand? Oh, it's over here, bro. And so this dude runs over and picks up his own fucking hands, dude.

Oh, my God, dude. He grabs his hand. Okay, we're done. Please stop. Oh, my God. Please stop, Jamie. Why, Jamie? Why did you do that?

I mean, he had to be in shock, right? Because he looked composed. Or that happens normally in his neighborhood. You know, probably a bunch of one-handed dudes out there running around. How many times were that reattached? Before this He strolled up to that He strolled up to it

He didn't freak out at all Yeah He had to be in shock That was the most non It was like he was picking up a quarter Yeah He's obviously not a healthy individual His life circumstances are not the best

In a machetee fight In the middle of the street The two of them Yeah it's nuts And it wasn't like they were in the jungle They were at a gas station Crazy decision to make What could they have been fighting over

Probably a chick Just the first So isn't it all of a machete fight hand gives me seven different cases. No, don't show me anymore, Jamie. There's not all video, but it talks about it happening in different places. Of course it has. I mean, imagine

what life was like when people were sword fighting all the time. Yeah. That was a normal thing to carry around a sword everywhere. A lot of people had no, I best it was very common to see people without limbs. Oh, yeah. Like it was nothing. People missing half their face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What do they do back that quarterize it or something? Like, how did they

probably died? Yeah. Yeah. I bet you got infected. Yeah. You know, They didn't even know how to wash things back then. So as soon as you, you know, you get any kind of horrible injury, you're going to get an infection. I just learned how George Washington died. Did you hear about this? No. Do you never heard about how he died?

No, how did you die? It's pretty fucked up. He caught a calm and cold and then thought that he needed to get his blood sucked out of him. What? And so he got people to put leeches on him. And the leeches were just sucking the blood out of him. And it was like, it was like a cold. and then he got infected

and he basically caught in a... I guess he went out in the rain or something like that and got a cold and then it was a common cold and he put legions on him and they sucked out his blood and then he was losing blood

and then he ended up doing more stuff to himself he basically killed himself. Jesus. Yeah. It's just a common cold? It was a cold, yeah. I didn't know it was just a cold.

It was a long-ass time ago. Yeah, well, that's what the research says. I mean, because on the show, we made my buddy... Maybe this is the anti-leech lobby addict. We reenacted his debt, so there was like a walking tour in New York City, like a historical tour, and it ends at France's Tavern, which is the oldest bar, and that's where Washington hung out. So he dressed them as Washington at the end of this tour, and we put leeches on him. Oh, God. But we pulled it from the actual story.

It's kind of wild. That is wild. And that's what killed them fucking leeches? It extracted a half a pint of blood. Oh, God. A guy did. So Rawlins extracted half a pint of blood. Washington favored this treatment, despite Martha's voice concern.

Should listen to Martha, bro. As he believed it cured him of past ailments. Washington was also given to a mixture of molasses, butter, and vinegar to soothe his throat. This mixture was difficult to swallow, causing Washington to convulse and nearly suffocate. Jesus. And the sicker he got, the sicker he got, the more he thought it was. the blood, so he kept telling them to add leeches. Oh, God.

Yeah. A solution of vinegar and sage tea prepared for gargling. He was bled for the fourth and final time. It was later reported the turtle of 32 ounces of blood was

extracted during the last bleeding. Some in the press criticized the practice of bloodletting used in an attempt to save Washington's life. Isn't that crazy that bloodletting, which is fucking terrible for you? They used to think that that was a good thing back then. That is nuts.

Just drain all the blood out of himself. Why did it? Who is the fucking genius in 1775 or whatever it was? What year did he die? It had to be after that, right? It was like 1799. Like who, who is the wizard? Who is that the top guru?

He commanded it. Who was the Anthony Fauci of bloodletting? It's both safe and effective. He got poor George, believe in the hype. Multiple doctors. But somebody must have told him to do that. It wasn't his idea. And he kept thanking them, too.

He was like being gracious through it all, being like, thank you so much for helping me. That's so crazy. Five in the afternoon, Washington sat up from bed, dressed and walked over to his chair. He returned to bed within 30 minutes. Craig went to him and Lear reported that Washington said, doctor, I die hard, but I am not afraid to go. I believe from my first attack that I should not survive it. my breath cannot last long. Soon afterwards, Washington thanked all three doctors for their service.

Craig remained in the room. At eight at night, more blisters and cataplasms were applied. This time to Washington's feet and legs. Is that what a leech is, a cataplasm? I think so. At 10 at night, George Washington spoke requesting to be decently buried and to not let my body be put in the vault in less than three days after I am dead. Huh.

Maybe he just wanted to go, you know? It also could have been, like, think about that guy. How many guys did that guy hack to death, you know, during the Revolutionary War? Like, what, what shit did he see? A lot of machetes. How many muskets to the face did he see, you know? And he was at the front line. Like, that fucking animal waded into battle.

Yeah. You know? I stopped. At that time, and he was probably like, just take my fucking blight. I've had enough. 1899. How old was he when he died? 179.

Yeah, 1799, rather. How old was he? Yeah, bro. He was done. He was probably done. He was probably done. I stopped watching Game of Thrones after season six just because I couldn't

bear to see one more slit throat. And you see what that guy went through? And he's like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know, Game of the White Wedding got me. I was like, am I really invested in? the show. I stopped. I don't know what happens after. Like the Walking Dead when they baseball batted that dude in the head. I was like, I'm out.

Yeah, I only watched like Glenn. It killed Glenn for season two or three. I only did. No, you know what it was for me in Game of Thrones? They put like a little girl at the stake and Vernor at the stake. That was like the end of season six. I was like, why am I watching this? Yeah. Like it's just, it's not entertainment to me. This is like, this is like disturbing to me. That show at times was very horrific. Yeah. Very horrific. But also, fucking awesome. Yeah, it was intense.

It was intense. It was like really, it's a classic. But I don't, I didn't care. I was like, I can't watch another slit throat. I know. But there were some cool moments though. You get past the slit throats. There were some moments where Calisi had that dragon behind her and you didn't see the

dragon until like a couple of seconds before I burned the person. She's talking to this person. And she, I don't forget what they had been guilty of. Yeah. But she's standing there. And then in the dark. dark just behind her slowly you just see this dragon emerge yeah this enormous head that's right behind her is one of the fucking coolest scenes in any show ever it's all drones and then it torches

it it looks so realistic that's what's so crazy about cg i it was good to see all those characters get their comeuppance everybody got their comeuppance that was the craziest thing about that show everybody died i mean the the the brother got his hand hacked off and you're like what the fuck he's got no hand yeah when that dude got killed by the mountain. They crushed his head like a grape. I don't remember that? No. About the treatments they gave George Washington.

Other treatments he gave him during that period were enemas, who! And drugs to make him vomit and something called blisters, where they applied Spanish fly onto his throat, which caused a painful blister, again, to remove these terrible humors that are caused by the inflammation. Humors? Maybe it's just, sure, I'll look like tumors could have been there. Oh, maybe tumors that were caused by the inflammation? That doesn't make any sense.

tumors. But if the disease itself didn't get George Washington, the doctor certainly did. Yeah, man, he probably wanted to go. He didn't have a disease, though. He had just a cold. And it just was all of these things, blisters and the suffocating him with the molasses and the leeches and everything. It's like, I didn't know that. I had no idea. Every time he closed his eyes, he probably saw a fucking bayonet through some guy's eyeball that he did. Yeah. He probably saw some dude's that he bashed against a rock he probably saw some other dude that he fucking battle axed in the head but they were all like i know but it's like no one knew what PTSD was back there yeah no one you know even in vietnam they used to call it shell shocked yeah no one knew what PTSD was and this

guy had to have all of it right you know he had all of it yeah i mean plus wooden teeth slaves teeth bro he had slaves teeth and horse teeth in his mouth in a lead mold Shane has a hilarious bit about it. Oh, when he went to go visit the... About the visiting the George Washington Museum. It's a hilarious bit, but the teeth are the creepiest looking fucking things you've ever seen. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Oh, dude. It was so creepy. They just made this concoction, the stick in his fucking face, where they pulled all the rest of his teeth out and gave him this just full-on set of fake teeth. Really? Oh, it looks insane. Oh. You're like, how bad was gum health back then? That this guy had to get a full set of fake

I can't even imagine being back then having a conversation. Oh, God, the breath? Just having a conversation with something. Oh, just. It's just a different time, man. Well, if someone saw you walking down the street and they liked your shoes, they would just kill you

and take your shoes. They would look at your feet, see if they're close to their feet, just fucking kill you. Yeah, Washington couldn't wear Jordans anywhere. No, Jordans. No. Right, that is kind of happening today. If you think about it that way, certain places. I didn't think about it that way. but life is definitely way more barbaric then way more barbaric what's the most we put up with now

really well for now not bad but when the robots come john conner tried to warn us it's it's wild to watch those movies right now i know those are kind of accurate super accurate like disturbingly accurate like and we're just wading right into it like oh we're gonna be fine this is fun But we're all talking about it. I forgot to tell you this, when you were telling me about the scuba diving stuff. My buddy, Adam Green Tree, he was free diving, and these guys made, you know, they have those really long flippers, the free divers. Yeah, yeah. That's what they're called, right?

Flippers, fins? That's what I was saying. I didn't know. These fucking guys made him this really cool pair and painted them fish scales. And so, no, it's not dope. Because he swims in a place where they have sharks. So he's spearfishing. he shoots this fish and these bull sharks show up

because apparently so many people spearfish that the sharks have figured out that the sound of that gun going off means there's going to be blood in the water and a wounded fish and they could steal it from the people and so as he shot the fish these bull sharks show up

and they bite his fucking fins off both of his fins but just the fins because they think the fin is a fish they don't know what the fuck he is but they think his fins are a fish because they've got fucking scales on them.

That's fucking nuts. I'm sure the fish helmet didn't help either. No. Did he have? He had gills and shit. He was dressed as a fish. Imagine that's your next thing

they make you do after they hear this. Sal, we got something. We heard you like scuba diving. They just, we talked about this last time, but I'm not good with

jump scares. We talked about this. Like, I'm just not good with it. They threw me in the horn now as we talked about this. Right, right. So we just wrapped season 12. So it was like one of the last things, it's kind of my fault because we were going to do this to Q.

We were going to put him in a demolition derby and stuff and then have him not be able to finish until he canceled this cable. So insurance wouldn't let us do the demolition derby. So now we're in like Halloween time. They found this like this place in Jersey that's like a warehouse that they do like it's an insane haunted house. It's like these people come in and get into makeup like two hours before. Like it's like a really crazy one. They put me in this thing. and I was on a live feed with an operator,

and I could not leave the haunted house until I canceled my phone, internet, and cable. So I was in it for 42 minutes. Oh, that's ridiculous. Yeah. The first thing that happened was I got, it went live on the feed, so I'm hearing it. I'm walking to, this is a fucking warehouse.

It's so, so insane. The first thing comes out as we are experiencing unusual, traffic you have a 12 to 17 minute wait time oh god so i'm going through the haunted house well that would make me calm down like after you get scared a few times like i get it no no no what do you mean you get it what do you get it what i get it people coming after you the whole time yeah but after a while i'd get used to it no no it got worse it was it was it was like did it ramp up yeah yeah it was dude it was it was like a warehouse it was like i never was in i was never in the same room twice for 40 minutes it was like a huge huge place and so you didn't know themes changed and demons changed and everything sounds

fun it wasn't fun for me i'll tell you i this is an error in hindsight i shouldn't have done this but i i needed to know because i said to them i said look i just need if i'm really like if i need to breathe for a cycle if you're really messing with me and i need for real for it to stop i need you to let me know truthfully that you'll stop because i can't do this my my nervous system is going to be out of whack. It just, this is how I respond to this stuff. And so they said, yes, but I didn't believe them because I've had this happen in the past. Like, we would fuck with each other and we don't tell the truth.

So I brought a taser with me because I, or a stun gun, I brought one with me in there because it made me feel at least if I felt that I needed one of these people to back all from me and I took out the taser. You had tase them? An employee? No, I wouldn't tase them, but I had it on me. You showed them to scare it to them? I did.

To scare them with it? And it came out. It came out. Really? Yes, because after the 17-minute wait time, this guy came on, and you have to think about this. Like, I thought he was going to continually hang up on me because I'm in a horn and how, like, he's screaming and there's music and I'm screaming. I'm running around. And so I said, as soon as he picked up, I said, just listen to me, please.

And I'm being dead serious. I have to cancel my cable right now. And I'm in a haunted house. And there's no other time I could do it This is not a joke I need to stand on the phone with you So you're gonna hear screaming and me screaming and things happening But please don't hang up on me please

And the guy goes I understand So he stayed on the line with me After he picked up like it was like 14 minutes So by the time I was like 30 35 minutes in And they said these people weren't gonna touch me And they did and like I just My nervous system was completely shocked They weren't supposed to touch you?

No What did the guy do? They were grabbing me, running up to me, jumping from behind, like, all that stuff like that. And so I was like, part of me thought that it might be a little funny, but also like it, they wouldn't come near me if I was going, you know, like, so I was like, this is my way. And I took it out and I did it. And I didn't realize, though, like that, like the afterward, I found out that the guy that owns a place they were watching on like the closed circuit televisions. And he freaked out because like, he's like, well, he has to taser on. Like, what is he?

you can't he can't do that like and you know those people they're supposed to still come at me but like when i but they played it really cool they were just like you know like they were like surrounding me and everything and i was like just hitting the taser on it but i put it away after a few minutes but i like it did give me like a respite that like they weren't going to give me but after i canceled the cable they were like it happened like sooner than they thought and they were like cancel phone then after cancel phone they added and canceling internet so i stayed on with this guy I canceled phone internet cable it took 40 42 minutes but I got yeah but I had it I had the taser and I sometimes you got to take you know into your own hands you know I

understand so I did it would have fucked it would have really sucked if you actually tasered somebody though I had enough have you ever been taser not to not to it no don't you want to know what it feels like when you have one I've been shocked really bad by large dog like dog like dog shock collars? Yeah, so I guess I don't know if that's the same But what is the The difference between a dog shock collar And a taser

Like but there's also different kinds of tasers right There's like really powerful tasers And then there's tasers that are like I had they did this to me two times on the show And so How bad is it? It's so bad It might be online they put them around my arms and legs At the same time all four

All four at the same time Then they had to see if that'll kill you They didn't and my wife was like you have to go to the doctor because you can it's a lot of electricity it was like a hundred times they shocked me right oh my god they made me give a museum tour so I was a tour guide in the museum I had him under my clothes and I couldn't let the people know that anything weird was going on so I'm giving a tour of this museum and the whole time they're shocking me under my clothes

and I like can't let on to people my tour group and I didn't want to feel the shock until I was on camera because I was like I'm not going to take any extra shocks. Right. So they shocked me for the first time on camera and I, I almost jumped out of my clothes. I was like, I can't do this. You can't do this. I had to do it because you can't say no to a punishment. Yeah, but it seems like that punishment hadn't been really vetted out. It really wasn't. Four collars is probably too much. Like, they could have killed you. Imagine? Well, listen, so the next season, they did it again and I was at a seance and I was like a psychic medium. You didn't check to see how many collars you could get away with?

I am because I think I did irreparable damage for real because we went on tour after that all right here's the difference dog collar 400 volts to 7000 volts taser 50,000 volts sustained 1,200 volts so it looks like initial 15 50,000 volts sustained 1,200 volts so a taser's a lot worse initially but go back again go back again Jamie but the thing is like you have four on so you don't have one dog shop collar you have four oh I just don't know where it's gonna come from oh I see yeah okay but if they held it down like you literally go like this like you can't move you go like oh that's crazy yeah I'm saying it now and I'm like this should have never happened well if they only did one at a time still that's a lot it's a lot

that could really hurt you like did they check your heart first you see if you check your heart did you go through an EKG or anything like that yes man that's silly I'm I'm worse off because when we went on tour after that, I thought it was, like, funny to do live. It hurt bad, but, like, so for the whole tour, I would show, like, a clip from the television show and then be like, oh, I'm going to tell you this story about, like, this time I've, did I tell you how tattoos of Jaden Smith on my body?

Like, photorealistic tattoos of Jaden Smith on my thighs? I don't think you did. No. Is that something you had to do? I had to do, yeah. So I was telling the story of that while hooked up to the shot callers, like, at the show. And so they called up someone from the audience, and they stood behind me, and they can shock me while I was doing this bit about Jaden, like, whenever they wanted. And we did that throughout the tour.

Oh, my God. And I just always, like, thought, like, well, if they do it to a dog, it's safe. Has Jaden seen this? He posed for that one. That's hilarious. But the first one, he's 21 there. The first one right there is when he was 15. He didn't know about that one, and I saw him in public, and I showed him it.

What did he say? It was really weird Sal, that's so ridiculous It's up my thigh right now It was weird Do you have to keep it there Can you cover it up? It was the spirit

Was that I have to Keep it forever Live with it So it's the spirit What kind of bullshit show is that Like you need to come up with some stuff To do to them It's a commitment to the bit

It lasts for your whole life I know The commitment to the bit Listen Put something else on I know I know A puppy, put a puppy face over that thing

He was It was at Comic Con And I saw him walking because he was dressed as Batman. Jaina was dressed as Batman. There was this like month in the press where he was walking around everywhere in a white Batman suit.

Okay. And I saw that white Batman suit. And I was like, that's Jaden. And I had it. And so I ran up to him. And I'm like, Jaden, you don't know me. I'm sorry, but I had to show you this. And I went to go low on my pants and his security guard grabbed me by the neck.

That's hilarious. Yeah, and that's so funny. And I was like, no, no. And then the other security goes, no, I know who he is. He's good. And I showed him in. And he was like, oh, my God, this is the first one I've ever seen, like, you know. And then as I'm showing it, I like kind of look up and M. Night Shyamalan is staring at us because they did a movie together.

They were there promoting a movie after Earth, I think it was called. Jaden Smith was in this alien movie or this, like, outer space movie that M. Night Shyamlan directed. And so I didn't realize because I didn't look at him. What movie is that? So M. Knight was just staring at me, show him, he was 15 years old. After Earth. Danger is real, fear is a choice. I don't remember that.

Yeah, and so I just looked up, and I'm like, M. Knight's looking at me, and I'm just like, oh, hey, man, he's like, hey. Oh, Will Smith's in it, too. That's right. Okay, now I remember it. Yeah. And so then we shot the movie, like, four or five years later, and they made me go to a movie premiere with him and afterwards there was a Q&A of the cast and I they made me like wear Daisy Dukes like short shorts so that his his thigh was showing and uh I didn't know he was in on

he called me up to the stage and I had to act like I was wearing a shirt that said number one Jaden fan so I had to look like a crazy person I'm like I'm the number one Jaden fan he called me on stage and he goes oh man that was when I was like 15 I don't even look like that anymore you got to update that oh my God and I was like what we left that stage went right in that moment to a tattoo parlor and he posed for the other the other thigh yeah that's commitment dude that's how you get to season 12 that's how you got yeah yeah congratulations on that that's awesome thank you man that's really kind of crazy like i didn't realize it's been that long but i remember when it was blowing up everybody was talking about it back at the store they were talking

about how you guys are doing these shows on the road and selling out places and killing it yeah 2011 that's crazy that's crazy we got like over 300 ups now and it's a It's amazing, dude. Congratulations. It's really fucking awesome. Thank you, bud. That's a huge accomplishment. And it's got such an awesome following, too. I mean, you guys have a huge following. Yeah, the fans are great. The fans are great. And you're at Kill Tony tonight. I'm at Kill Tony tonight. I'm torn right now. I'm doing the Chicago Theater in November. Oh, that's a great place. The beacon, the rhyming. I've liked up like 50, 60 dates. It's on Savile County.com. Beautiful. Yeah. All right. All right. Good to see you, my man. It's good to come

back, man. Thanks for having me. My pleasure. Thanks for being here. All right. Bye, everybody.