The Joe Rogan Experience - #2415 - Adam Ray

Episode Date: November 20, 2025

Adam Ray is a comic, actor, and the host of the podcast "About Last Night." Catch his latest special, "Adam Ray is Dr. Phil Unleashed" on Netflix, and see him live on tour. www.adamray.com www.youtube.com/@adamraycomedywww.youtube.com/c/AboutLastNightPodcast Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Get a free welcome kit with your first subscription of AG1 at https://drinkag1.com/joerogan This video is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/JRE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Rogan podcast checking out The Joe Rogan Experience Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night All day What's where? Yeah Part of it was rolling Adam Ray, my man

Great to see you Guess of the year Kill Tony, how's it feel? Feels great Did you get a belt or anything? Some sort of a cup? I should have. Just some sort of a cup

Stanley Cup Tony, always shortchanging the game. That motherfucker. That was the last time I saw you, I think. You should get a jacket. That's what it should be. That's not a great idea. That's a great idea.

We made these for the end of the Phil, Dr. Phil tour, which, by the way, we have our very last one at the Wilter on December 16th, if anyone wants to. Have you ever had Dr. Phil on as a guest? Yes. Remember for the Netflix special. Oh, that's right. Yeah. It was so funny.

We were in the green room. I met him like an hour before, and he goes, he goes, no, it's your show, but I'm going to fuck with you. And I'm dressed as him, and I go, well, I know you better than you know yourself, motherfuckers to strap in and he was like oh shit and he was dying laughing but the last time i saw you i think i was tony right right the mothership yeah the difference is like doing it on your show when you're doing the dr phil show yeah yeah that's a different thing i felt oddly you know the whole show is improvised so it's a wild thing to do an unscripted show with somebody you have no rapport with

right when i've had and you're doing an impression of him totally so i'm trying to go i think everything i'm going to do is hunky dory with him but like i don't know if i'm going to press the wrong button like at one point i think we said something where i go i go well marriage is tough i go but we keep it fresh in the bedroom right and he goes okay well watch yourself and i go i was like we don't use butt plugs but he was he was such a he rolled with everything man it's good friends with his son jordan oh yeah yeah yeah i've got to know uh jordan who kind of helped facilitate the whole thing he kind of got in his ear and was like this thing is pretty awesome and it's making you

making both of them famous totally and not and I'm just glad that because you never know like I could have two days in gotten a letter that was just like enough's enough easily we I actually entered the Netflix special with showing his signed contract like to the camera being like look no cease and desist but you know you never know but it's a parody he's a really good guy Yeah, and laughing at yourself is such a, man, I'm, you know what I'm saying? Like, I started talking about this on stage where it's just like the people that I am friends with that like, that aren't comics that I'll be in, you know, hangs with that like if I, you know, bust their balls and they get a little weird about it, it's like, oh, man, like you're a bummer not only for right now in the hang, but just this bleeds into other facets of your life.

You got to be being self-deprecating. And, you know, within context, obviously, if someone's just, you know, just making funny you know. Just being mean. Just being mean. There's a difference. There's a difference to me and mean and being funny. Yeah. But like Tony, for example, like doing Tony on Kill Tony, I remember I was in Portland or in Eugene in my buddy's club, Olson Run Comedy Club, shout out, great club.

And I'm there. And I tell the story about how Shane and I, the Biden Trump thing came together. Because a buddy of mine asked me, he's like, you and Shane must you have been best friends for like 10 years ago. we literally that was probably the sixth time we've ever talked to each other so we're getting to know each other in full makeup for two plus hours that's a weird way to build a fucking friendship yeah and so I had you guys are so good at bouncing off of crowds and off of each other it was seamless right it was really fun yeah

yeah there's something cool about jumping in the bit boat with somebody that's just like oh I just want to make the other person laugh yeah like I got comfy because he's Shane he'd been nice about the Phil stuff but like you know he he was definitely established as Shane Gillis so it's like and it's Trump and Biden's trying to find I'm trying to find my ways to be a sniper when he's not known for being funny but as soon as I got out there and I had the frozen eyes and I was like and Shane started to break out

that made me feel really comfortable when Shane like couldn't keep it together but so this kid in line at the meet and greet goes you should do Tony on Kill Tony because I tell the story of how Tony was like Shane's gonna do Trump you gotta do Biden I bought a new vest it's going down baby you know I do all that

and the guy's like you should do Tony and I was like I kind of scoffed it off and then I texted him and I said what would you think about me dressing up as you? And he just texted her back in all caps, absolutely. It'll be your best character yet. While we're doing this, unfortunately, people can't see anything. So they just see us.

I want to show. Because it's so crazy how close you get to him. It's kind of eerie. Like I didn't see it. Your face structure changed. Like you look like a different person. It was like you had become. like you do a weird thing when you do characters like you you oddly become that person

like give me some volume on this oh the beginning yeah who's ready for the who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives bro it's like you've got a different face yeah well you did something weird you did something weird yeah they taped my ears back a little bit to push his ears out and then the teeth are the same I just got the clothes down the hair I mean you look oddly like him yeah it's wild less like you than him yeah I would think that's more Tony Hinchcliff doing an Adam Ray impersonation that was you know it was the best is Woody Harrelson was there that night and comes up with me after and he's like

he's like man he's like that shit was fucking crazy man he's like I don't know what was going on or what you had to do I was like I watched the intro a bunch I've known Tony since we both started and he goes you kind of got a little Johnny Depp going on with their things so then I started going I go Woody I go maybe I am Johnny Depp maybe I'm Johnny

playing Tony and then he was like what the fuck man bro you should totally do that Johnny is the pirate that's not a bad idea it's a fucking great idea I just heard your accent 100% In full pirate garb? Yes.

Just come out, Jack Sparrow. I'm a big fan of Horns Kum. Hones Coombe. Yes. Dude. That's a great idea. 100%. Okay, yeah.

Has to be done. Yeah, real understated. Has to be done. Wow, okay. That is your next big character. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The Amber Hurd jokes are endless.

Oh, my God. Endless well. Oh, my God. Endless well. What sort of a pot could he pull from to kind of... Oh, cocaine. Yeah. Don, no, no, no.

And maybe every time he likes somebody, he goes, I'm going to give you the Johnny Dearnie, of approval and he gives him like a bracelet. That's a great idea. Wow, Joe, all right. Yeah, this is a perfect character for you. People have pitched me to do... You should have a treasure chest filled with cocaine.

Do we have to delete this in the podcast so we can save it or... No, no way. This is great. A treasure chest filled with coke. Oh, my God. Bring out a treasure chest filled with baby powder. Just about like 10 pounds of baby powder. And just in between...

Instead of Heidi bringing out drinks, he brings me bags of coke. and I'm just bumping lines A fucking full treasure chest, bro. Oh, that's so funny, you know, parrot. A real parrot? No, no, no. Real parrot would probably freak out

and have a hard time. Yeah, we did, I did just, so I tried this new character called Bruce Robbins at the comedy story is like a mentalist magician and it's gonna drop in my YouTube in a couple weeks

and I rented an owl for 1,200 bucks. Harlan said he knew the type of owl. Harlem was on the show too. A Eurasian, I think, owl. He said it's the biggest owl. Owl. Whoa. This thing was, so the whole bit was, this character of Bruce Robbins, he's got like a big blonde quaff, big buck teeth. And, you know, kind of from the South talks like this real fast, you know. And, you know, I'm a magician. I'm a former real estate agent, too. But, you know, magic is my healing power. And so the bit was bringing out this owl that was like a psychic owl. And so people would ask it questions. But I had my buddy who does a really good Morgan Freeman do voiceover. So then I would hold the mic up to the owl's face. And then you would play the Morgan Freeman. So like somebody goes, you know, How many, or is somebody asked, is democracy, you know, is democracy ruined or are we going to save it in this country?

And we had a bunch of canned responses. And so then I go, Archie, what do you think about? Archie, the second gal, is democracy going to be saved or ruined? And then you just hear Morgan Freeman go, gay. I go, thanks for it. Any other questions we got, you know? But a real parrot for giant up would be wild. Or maybe I don't think parrots would enjoy that.

It would probably be animal cruelty. It probably would. The large crowd of people screaming in cheer. And what's your creature, you know, do you have any, has anyone brought? What's the craziest thing someone's brought into the mothership for like a, I guess. Like an animal? No one's ever brought an animal. I'm trying to think, too.

Pauli brings his dog sometimes, but he's got a sweet dog. Yeah. And Ron's brought his dog a bunch of times. Ron's got a cute little dog. Yeah. And I'm trying to think when we did a Dr. Phil at the mothership, we didn't have too many crazy elements. Never worked with Liza? Schlesander, yeah.

She made a game show. She made you hold her dog. She used to make her always hold her dog. you a dog before she goes on stage take my dog and be like okay yeah i know and thank god it's always the people that love dogs i've held multiple dogs of hers over the years

you know because dogs die oh yeah she gets a new one bro i she got that new one with the scars around her nose where she was one of those dogs that they were i mean who knows what the fuck they were gonna do to it yeah but they had its it's it's facebound i think she got it from china wow yeah she did yeah because i think she calls it like fun chure

Yeah, something like dim sum. Dim sum. Is that it? It's close. Something like that. She, um... Which is racist. Which is racist.

Yeah, very racist. Couldn't have gone with like Albert or Jill. Bro, you ever been on blue sky? What's that? Blue sky is like the ultra super liberal Twitter for people like, Twitter's filled with Nazis. And they ran over to Blue Sky. Some guy wrote, I'm just trying to be Zen about it. And then someone under that wrote, how about try not to be racist against Asians?

Wow. For saying Zen. I don't like that. That's crazy. That's crazy. That was one of the wildest, like, reaches I've ever seen in my life. Zen is a state of mind. Zen is one of the best words to describe being tranquil or serene, right?

Is another one? Zen in the art of motorcycle repair. God damn. Zen and the art of archery. I was just talking about how my dogs are my, like, Zen happy place. Which, by the way... Imagine thinking that saying that is racist. Yeah, that's bananas.

But that's how crazy. This is like what you're dealing with with humans out there. Some people are just off the reservation. Yeah. You posted something recently or maybe you said something on a pod about like your love for Marshall and I wanted to bring this up because we're thinking about finally trying to have kids. My wife's had to go through some stuff to get us in a place to, you know, where it's all right on that front. Satanic rituals, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Goat sacrifice. Yes, goat sacrifice. She didn't play some song recently that said it was some, maybe an Ariana Grande or something song. And I go, are we sacrificing a lamb in the backyard? What the fuck is? It was just so, it made me feel so old because it was so just, just, um, ins, and I was like,

I just don't, I don't know who this is. But we're getting close to having kids, and we have two dogs, and I'm like, I get emotional leaving the dogs, dude. I mean, it's bad. Like, and I don't even know how it's going to be with kids. I mean, and you can probably attest to that. When you go on the road?

Yeah. Yeah. I have trouble leaving. You can't even compare. When I go on the road, I know someone's taking care of my dog he's going to be great. Right. He's a sweetheart.

He's great with everybody. Yes. I never worry about him. Right. The kids are a totally different thing. Oh, my God. It's like you don't even, you can't even imagine how much you're going to love them. It's just, it's, it changes you as a human being because then you start to realize that everybody

was a baby. And then most of these fucked up people in the world, they just got a bad deck of cards. That's a great way to put it. And they just been handed a shit sandwich every fucking day of their life. Everybody was. Yeah, man. You run into them. and maybe you're lucky.

You had really nice parents. You lived in a really nice neighborhood. You had good friends. You weren't in jail when you were 12. Yeah. You know? And so it's just you have more compassion for the whole world when you have kids.

I could have been in jail when I was 12. I put a firework in my neighbor's mailbox. That's not good. That's not great. What if you had like a fucking lottery check in there? Oh. Could you sue over that? No, I guess there's no way to find out.

No, he's going to kill you. You'd rather go to jail. The money's gone. Dude, we did it with... What do you have? You don't have enough money to pay for the $100 million lottery. My single mom would have freaked the fuck out. Imagine if they say, no, you can't.

The lottery is the craziest scam. It's so wild. It's legalized gambling. Yep. Everybody does it. But you know what it is? It could be you. That's the slogan that makes people go, I never thought of it like that.

But it's the dumbest scam because you have millions of people trying to win. Like, at least in blackjack, you've got, like, like a 40% chance of winning. You know, you have like fucking no chance of winning. You're just donating money, hoping that you're the one person out of five million. Maybe even more. Maybe more. Sometimes the odds I feel like I've been in like the seven billions.

It's like there's a better. Let's ask. Let's find out how many people go, like let's find a lottery, like a big one. Okay. What's a big one? Colorado State maybe? What are the big ones that you hear in the news that get to? Powerball.

Okay. Let's say Powerball's one. That's a huge one. They nailed it with the title, too. Let's guess here. Let's say how, let's find out how much, how many people get paid out and how many people buy lottery tickets. How many lottery tickets are sold? Okay, let's put this into perplexity.

We have an AI sponsor that can give us information now. So in coming. Elevating. Because I talk a lot of shit. Sometimes I'm absolutely wrong. So it's super important. That is important. To use perplexity.

It's crazy when you watch it work, too, because you put in a prompt. Can you show how it's working? You put in a prompt, and look, it just pulls out all those articles. Oh, my God. And then, bam, puts a synopsis in seconds. And a knowledge dropper. Look at that. Look at that.

In seconds. That's so crazy, dude. I don't think we realize how nuts that is. It really is. Because guess what? Even if it was a couple seconds to compute and, like, process, you'd give it the time and space to figure that out. So here it goes.

the largest powerball drawing in U.S. history, November 7, 2022, a jackpot of $2.04 billion. Over 100 million tickets were sold for a single major drawing as the jackpot approached the billion dollar mark. For instance, when the jackpot reached $1.1 billion in another high-profile drawing, America's bought more than 111 million tickets. And similar or greater sales occurred for historical record draws like the 2.1.7. 0.04 billion event. So only one person gets paid? No.

Well, there's smaller jackpots? You can hit a few numbers. So there's $20 million range? Oh, though, there's smaller jackpots. How many people get paid out, though? Is it just one person? It depends.

I think there can be multiple winners. Yeah, I mean, you would have a million bucks if you hit like all five numbers and not the power ball. Yeah. Right. But that doesn't affect the jackpot. Right. So I guess if you're asking who gets paid out of the jackpot.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a winner take-all situation. But if two people, three people, or ten people get it, it could split even. So what if you can only get some of the numbers? You get some money? You can get some money. If you get like one number, you can get like five bucks back. Okay.

They just try to keep you hooked. They just try to keep you on the hook. Oh, yeah. And if you get, like, let's say you get, so you've got to imagine that if you give them five bucks back, they probably bought 300 tickets. At least. So you won anyway. Yeah. So I was going to bring up this thing that happened.

I think it was in Texas. someone figured out the loophole of like no how many tickets can you buy and how fast can you buy them and they figured out a way to buy really tickets and they won they were profitable it is a numbers game it's been like 25 million dollars or something but they were well is that legal that's where they've gotten into some issues now well here's the thing why why isn't it legal if you're just buying tickets you have a shitty system yeah if your system sucks and by the way your system's been ripping off everybody forever sounds like a personal problem and I jump in on that system and give you all this money.

I figured it out. And I win money every fucking time. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. Maybe this is on you. Maybe you don't like when you get scammed, motherfucker. You've been scam on us for years.

When you sell 111 million tickets for one, for one winner, you have 111 million to one. That's bananas. Someone might not win, and it carries over. I love the stories. That's bananas. It's so bananas. All right.

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tropical, citrus, berry, or original to help you stay one scoop ahead. If you use my link, you'll also get a free bottle of AGD3, K2, an AG1 welcome kit, plus a few bonus AG1 travel packs. Just head to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan or visit the link in the description to get started. That's drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan. It's happened a handful of times where, like, the guy or guy will win and then split it with someone that they, like, bought the ticket with or said they'd go haves he's on. You know, though, there's got to be times where somebody did that. And, like, you know, because I think they usually publicize who won.

But there's got to be a way if you won, like, 2 mil to keep it kind of hush-hush. And then, you know, and then the buddy's like, man, if I can't believe we didn't win. And you did win. And you're like, yeah, I know, fucking better look next to here. But like, oh, he's going to kill you. Yeah. So, well, and families, I've, families have been ripped apart from these types of, when they go public and name changes. I mean, I've heard all sorts of, there was a documentary about the lottery from the same guy who did.

I think it was spellbound. Do you ever see that about the script spelling bee? They followed five kids around the country. It's a brilliant documentary. And it just goes to show you. I mean, they're all different walks of life kids. And some are, you know, their parents are like spelling. They're all pretty like, you know, serious.

about it, but some are very, I think there's a young Indian kid and his parents are like, yeah, spelling his life. And then there's a young white girl and her parents are also very, like, disciplined about, you know, her being on top of this. And then there's a young black girl and her mom is kind of like, if she's happy, she loves doing it, I'm a supporter, you know, but it's all different walks of life. And you follow them, almost like best in show up until the big event. And then it's the actual spelling bee, which is just, you know, so fucking, I mean, you've seen some of these on ESP. in, right, over the years. Yeah. And the pressure, though, is, like, what's wild.

Seeing a kid at that age deal with that type of pressure. Like, even though they love it, they're up on that stage. Like, fuck, I remember I played the Cowley Lion in fifth grade. I freaked the fuck out. A, because I was a fat kid. I was fucking. My tits were falling out of the line suit. I asked for ice cream cake instead of courage when I got to Oz.

But, like, these kids are having to, there's money on the line. The parents have, like, dead. They've flown all across the country. Like, anyway, but the guy did a doc about the lottery and how it's, the pros and cons but mostly about how it is like a big scam and stuff and it's you know just kind of a social experiment really well it's definitely it's definitely a way to keep people hooked it's a gambling thing yeah it's what's 100% a gambling thing and it's like very very profitable for the government it is but the thing about it is nobody who wins ever gets happy it's not like everybody who wins more money more problems I want to say everybody who wins the vast majority of people who win go broke within a very short amount of time. Oh, really? Yeah, they blow through their money and they wind up getting robbed or something happens and like it's, it's not like you've had an unsuccessful financial relationship with, you know, with money and with funds and, you know, being prudent with your expenses. Right.

And then all of a sudden you win the lottery and you're like, okay, great, I'm an accountant. I know I don't handle this. No, most people are just like barely getting by and then they win the lottery and they've always been laid on bills and now they're buying a Rolex. You're going to From zero to 60, yeah, you can't adjust. This was the winner of that $2 billion. Oh, look at him. Wow, dude. Look at him.

You're just a kid from L.A. Look how happy that motherfucker is. You better run, son. Run to Canada. Run to Canada. He's going to buy so much under armor. Go somewhere where they don't know who you are. Man, enjoy your life.

And lie. Lie about where you got your money. You have to. Say you got a business, you know, say your dad died. Went in on a app. Yeah. Grandpa left you a lot of money. He had gold coins from the war.

No one questioned. Yeah. No one questions old artifacts, yeah. Yeah, don't say you won the lottery because then people don't think you deserve it. So if you're Jeff Bezos, you made Amazon, there's pictures of you in the fucking garage with its Amazon.com sign above your head. The early days. Yeah, the early days. Like, you know, that guy built that fucking company.

So if he's out there ball and that kind of makes sense. You know, you see Jeff Bezos as a giant yacht, you're like, I'd have a yacht too. Totally. I'd do that. I would do the same thing. So, but when you get the power ball and all of a sudden you got $2 billion. dollars just like that dude and by the way it's not really two billion dollars because it's two billion dollars if you live to be like a thousand years old but they take it they take the tax on it

a week yeah it's weird so a big payout or you can get all of it in once in one sum but it's never the same it's never the same amount they give you way less yeah which is horseshit it is so if you want to get the two billion dollars it's probably like how what is the actual let's find this out what's the actual payout schedule that you can accept either the payments where they just pay you, like you're, we got two billion coming your way, guaranteed, promise you. Yeah. We're going to give you a little every month. It feels like the- Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

What did you do with the 111 million tickets you sold, motherfucker? Yeah. You sold 111 million tickets. What'd you do with that money? Where's that money? Yeah. How about give me all that? Yeah, no shit.

How fuck are you doing? What is this? You can take a 30-year annuity option. 30 years. Wow. They want to pay you for 30 years. Would you take that or just take the... Nice and slow.

That's the way we do it, see. Nice and slow. It is that guy. I can't see this. I didn't... This option pays out the full advertised jackpotter amount. Oh, it's a different one? I didn't know that.

Let me see if that's real. By the way, that voice... You were doing... That's for sure the head of the lottery. Nice and slow. A Mr. Burns Al Pacino type guy. That's how we're going to pay him. Nice and slow.

Oh, yeah, dude, and a feel a jumpsuit. Some dude just stealing money. He's got a fake Rolex on. Paying them nice and slow. 30 years is crazy. If you win the lottery and you're 60, bitch, you ain't got 30 years, especially with lottery money, that kind of cocaine. You got to take it off.

Cocaine and Ferraris. Like, you got lottery money. What do you think you're doing? Because you, I mean, you're fine. But, like, did you ever fantasize about, like, that? I think it's normal to be a person if you, As long as you've been aware of the lottery, I think everyone has had that conversation. Yeah.

What would you do if you won the lottery? I remember having that as a kid. And I remember telling my dad was going to win the lottery just to fucking, you never have to work. Like, what? How did I even think to, but you just, you hear about it and you're like the idea of just getting rich right away and then not having to do anything, I think is pretty common in this country, right? Well, it's a wonderful idea, like, because everybody hates work. Did you ever think about, though? Oh, sure. I played the lottery a bunch of times.

But, like, did you fantasize about what you would do? I don't remember how many times I'd played it. Let me think of how many times. You know, not a lot of times. I think I probably played it, like, all told in my life, like, less than 10 times. What did you write down or say to yourself? I'm not like a vision port type of thing. But, like, if you got, like, let's say you did win, like, 500 mil, and you were in your early 20s or something.

Oh, I'd be broke. I'd be broke and ruined. You would have gone through it all. You wouldn't have put it away for the fan. No, no, no, no. I'd be doing a go fund me right now. I'd be going on some sad tour. People would be like, what about when you had all that money?

Fuck you, man. Fuck you, man. You know what I went through, man? Joe's doing safaris and stand up for animals. I think winning the lottery is bad for you. I know that sounds crazy because if you don't have any money and you want money and maybe not bad for everybody, but bad for me. Let me say that. I think if I won the lottery, it would be bad for me.

Yeah. Because I'm the type of dude who needs like a thing to be working. on. Yep. I like, I have to, I want, I'm going to improve at stuff. I drive towards things. I'm trying to, like, figure things out all the time. That's a great point. I'm all of a sudden not doing that. Your drive is gone if you win the lottery, I think. Especially at a young age. Because if you're, like, so let's go back to, like, when I was, like, 22. I was 22, I was working odd jobs while I was doing stand-up at night. I was working for a private investigator. I was like, maybe I was making 20 bucks an hour. Wait, like maybe. Did you really?

do that? Yeah, I drove around a private investigator. Holy shit. Yeah, he was a good friend for years. Like, he died recently. His name's Dave Dolan. He's the best. I kept one of my old phones just because he left me a message. He used to call himself Died Mike, Dickless Dave Dolan. He was a hilarious guy. The funniest guy

that I've ever met, there wasn't a comedian. He was so funny. He was so funny. And the crazy thing is, what happened was he lost his license from drunk driving. And he put in an ad for a private investigator's assistant, but really what it was is someone to drive him because he couldn't drive. Yeah.

Because he lost his license for like, I forget how long, like three months or something like that. So I sign up for the job. I meet him, you know. This is back when I was still competing. I was still fighting. So he liked that I could like fuck people up and something went sideways. Yeah. And so then we would go.

And most of it was insurance fraud. It was mostly like catching people, like doing things like, uh, pretending their back was hurt, then you'd catch them carrying roof shingles up a ladder. It was a lot of that. People, they get hurt, like working for an airline, this one lady. Oh, this was so sad. She led us into her house. I felt so bad.

It was a scam. And the scam was Dave would show up and say, ma'am, my girlfriend was in an accident. And when the police took the license plate of the witness, someone spilled coffee on the report. And it's confusing which letters are the last letter. And one of them is yours. See, we got these two. They weren't right. We were hoping it's you.

And they were like, what's wrong with your girlfriend? And he goes, well, she's got this injury, which is exactly the same injury that this lady had, that she was supposedly getting, that she was, you know, disabled from. And so she's like, oh, my God, I had the same thing. And he goes, I hope you're getting paid. And she goes, oh, yeah, not only am I getting paid by insurance, but I'm also working under my maiden name. He's like, oh, that's great. and she goes,

would you like to come in the house and have some coffee? She was the nicest lady. She had us in her house. We were two strangers. Oh, God. Some fucking thick-looking Irish dude with a mustache that's Dave and me

like this 21-year-old kid with a fucking crew cut and you're just letting us into your house giving us coffee. I'm like, she's so nice, man. We can't do that. We got to pretend this didn't happen. He's like, fuck her.

She goes. Fucking thief. That lady's a fucking thief. I was like, oh, my God. You've got to be ice cold on that. I can't do this. Oh, I only did it for a few months. But that's all he needed me for, really.

But we became friends. What a life, dude. Yeah, he was an interesting cat, man. He was a fun, one of the guys. There was a guy who thought his girlfriend was cheating on him, or wife, I forget. And so... That feels like a lot of the cases they get hired for, right? Yes.

Sure. But mostly what Dave did was insurance stuff because they had the most amount of cases. It was all about fine. find it's just it's just a numbers thing yeah um so this one was i think i think my girl's cheating on me so he hires dave uh to this this wife was hooking up with this fucking barbarian this dude who's this big old bodybuilder dude and he was just pounding her and Dave had to take pictures and then he like brought the pictures of them fucking brought the pictures to the guy and then the guy was like well keep following

He's like, fuck you. He's like, I don't know what kind of change you're into. Like, is this like a, are you doing? This should be enough. No, it was almost like he was into it. It was almost like they were playing a game, like a cuck game. Oh, wow. It was, you know what I mean?

Maybe I'm cheating on you. Maybe you should hire a private investigator and see the pictures. The guy just like, the girl was, the lady was very hot. And he was very not hot. And then there was this bodybuilder guy. Fuck. Dude, it is funny. You say that.

My brain. mainly went to if my wife was cheating on me that would be the worst version. Just a huge guy because like if it's Shaq you go if we do get back together there's no way well you're not by the way but like if you do like you just you can't go back in there

right it's over I mean I see Shaq now with like when there's pictures of him next to his like girls he's dated I'm like is that that should be illegal but I guess I don't know he's gentle I don't know how do you do that I don't know you got to ask him

Have you a Jack on? No, I'd love to have him. I'd love that dude. He did Fear Factor with me. No way. Yeah, he co-hosted Fear Factor one day, one episode. That would be an unbelievable conversation. Yeah, it was like me and him hanging, I had a joke.

I was like a six-year-old hanging out with his dad. Like the size of a... I had a joke about a lady guarding the White House because it was during the Obama administration. A guy broke in the White House, and they had a lady, an unarmed lady at the front door. Sure. And I had this whole joke about... like not everybody can guard the White House. And like, listen, I've met Keel O'Neal, his dick is where my face is.

I'm like, if the White House is experiencing a shack attack, I'm the wrong dude to save the world. Oh, my God. He's just going to run over me. He's too big. Yeah. You know, but that guy, when you're hanging out with him, you're like, okay, giants are real. Like, there's real giants in this world. Like, look at this.

Oh, you did at uni, too. That's awesome. Oh, yeah, it was fun. But he's a fan of the show. He was real cool. That's awesome. Yeah, I see him at the UFC all the time, too. Imagine that guy got into it.

MMA because he's a martial artist he practices that's right there's some good video of him working out like kicking pads and punching mitts and shit he's got technique is it cool from your perspective when people like that jump into that art form are you just like I love it yeah no I love it I want everybody to do it it's good for your brain you know don't do it because you want to be Billy badass but do it because it it's like the best way of releasing aggression and making you a nice person it sounds crazy I know no that makes like hitting something sure like a bag you have to hit a person, hit a heavy bag, just boom, boom, boom, boom. You get all that shit out of your system. Wow. Look at him next to Francis Ngano. That's former UFC heavyweight

champion Francis Ngano, who is a giant man standing next to Shaq and Shaq towers over him. I mean, it's honestly... He's too big for the UFC. If Shaq, if the UFC was around when Shaq... No, no, no. He like literally is physically too big. Oh. Like, the UFC has a 265 pound weight limit for the heavyweight division, which is kind of crazy. Yeah. Heavyweight should be as big as you get. It should be like, I think it should be like 225 and up. That's what I think. I think there's not enough weight classes, but that's a separate conversation. But Shaq is way bigger than 265. Yeah, 350 maybe. He probably would have to cut 80 pounds to make the UFC's weight limit. I think he was under three when he got in the league. He was real slender,

which is crazy to be that big and be that fast. The fact that he did what he did in the NBA is really wild. This giant super athletes, which is like the difference between the NBA, the NFL and then the UFC Yeah It's like the UFC doesn't get many guys like that Right most of like super athletes when they're kids They go into football They go into baseball they go into basketball

That's where the money is you know For a lot of them yeah Like way more like there's way more spots Probably for football players 1,000% for UFC Like how many how many professional football players are there in the NFL? I mean there's 53 per team And there's 32 teams

We're 1,000. Don't make me do math. I'm stupid. That's why we do this. That's just that. There's also practice squads. There's another 12 or 15 on a practice squad. Okay, let's put it into perplexity.

Find out how many overall players are employed by the NFL. And then do it for NBA, MLB, badminton, tennis, and cricket, croquet, Chinese sports. And checkers, Parchisi, Bruno, tournaments. Pyramid billiards. The number for the NFL could get way bigger because there's guys that. you know are half retired and only play like three games a year okay so what do you if you had a guess 53 times what there's 30 Jamie knows a lot about stats there'd be probably 22 000 22,000 no no no not 20 I was gonna say 2500 or 2,000 yeah 2,000 is probably a fair

number and is that that's just NFL correct and then you have XFL how many people are employed by the XFL great question and baseball is a 53 no baseball's 25 man roster for baseball baseball is way less like 25 So for UFC, just the UFC, I think right now they have 600 fighters under contract. Mick Maynard texted me about that recently. 1,700 players on active rosters and then another 400 who can move around. Okay. So that's NFL.

That's just NFL. What a crap shoot. So it's essentially 2,000-ish. About 550 in the NBA. Okay. And the draft each year is probably another, you had another. 30 to 40. Also, you have to take into account that a lot of kids,

you play football in school, right? So if you're going to play football, you play football in high school, play football in college. Can it go in early? Yeah. But it's a sport that everybody plays, and it's normal to do. Like, everybody in the neighborhood plays. If you play baseball, everybody in the neighborhood plays,

you play in middle school, you play in high school. MMA, you've got to go to the gym. You've got to learn. You've got to get kicked in the nuts. You're going to get kicked in the nuts more than once. You're going to get punched in the face. Your nose is going to be bloody. you're going to have a headache

you're going to have sore joints because people are trying to break your arms and then you're showing up at school every day going what am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? So it's hard to get a kid that can also play basketball really well to decide

I'm going to let someone kick my shins out from under me. I don't know what kid would do that. It's got to be a kid that only wants that. Yeah. It's got to be a kid that watches the UFC and goes, that is me. Like Tiger Woods was golfing, what it? Like three, two or three, right?

Right. So not that you would be doing UFC or MMA at that age, but what is the young... But you would because a lot of people who have sons, and daughters that are really into it, they start training them. A lot of these fighters train their kids at an early age. I remember having like, you know, WrestleMania-type stuffed animals and wrestling with them at like 5, 6, 7. But it didn't obviously turn into a passion. But like that at least it was like at that age of like rough housing and throwing shit around and like trying to. beat somebody up, but

I guess to take a shot to the dick as a kid, like, yeah, you've got to be made of steel. Well, I think generally to the parents encourage you to do it early and you do like traditional martial arts and you get kind of excited about it and then you start watching the UFC as you get older and then maybe you start doing some other stuff. Like maybe you start out

in jiu-jitsu and then you work your way to a little moitai and then as you're like 13-14 you probably start thinking, I think I want to fight. Yeah. That's what happens with a lot of these guys. You're probably not taking shit in school by the way. Like if your teacher's like, Martin, I saw you weren't paying attention. You're like, I'm bleeding out of my dick, lady. You know, like you're just, you've seen, you've gone through some shit where you're like, this is not my biggest concern right now.

Well, it's definitely not your biggest concern, but it's also boring. That's the real problem. When you do exciting things when you're young, you can't parse it out in your head and go, I know I have to do this boring thing because this is like, yeah, this is really important. When you're doing this exciting thing, you're, you know, kicking people's heads off. This is way more fun. I don't want to, I don't care about history. Did you play baseball? Play baseball, yeah, I did.

What position? You know, I wasn't very good. So I was an outfielder, but one thing I did do is I hit, I either hit home runs or I struck out. Let's go. Because I would never just try to get on base. The coach would always say, just try to get on base. Just try, I'd be like, right. I just fucking ignore.

I hated team sports. I was not a good team player in that regard. Because, I mean, I was good in that I tried to catch balls and I went and I tried to make the out. I bet you were a fun teammate, though, right? You were a jokester. But I was also like, I am going to hit the fuck out of this ball. Come on. Because I hit my first home run, I think, when I was like 12 or something like that.

And I was like, oh, this is way better. I was like, this is way better than just hitting a ball. Sure. Because as you get bigger and stronger and you get a little bit more coordinated and you feel what it's like to really fucking connect and get your body into that. Oh, yeah. But that really translated into martial arts, too. Because learning how to hit things hard, I think it helped that I learned how to hit a

baseball hard. Is there a correlation with like the torque and the lower half and the twisting? Yeah. Yeah, 100%. Because when you're hitting a baseball, like I was never a great baseball player. Okay, I was just a kid who knew how to hit a ball hard. Still? It wasn't a good baseball player. Hand-eye coordination. But there was a thing about

this, about this timing. Yeah. This crap like that that translated directly into kicking things, like directly. So I think learning that in an early age I was like, oh, it's like a body, it's a timing thing, but it's a like a whip of your body.

And that's the exact same thing with kicking. My buddy, I'm actually wearing his hoodie, Cal Raleigh, his nickname is the Big Dumper. And he had, he just lost the MVP to Aaron Judge by like four votes. But he had, and it was a big dispute and big debate because he's a switch hitting catcher. He's a catcher. He hit 60 home runs this year, the most by any catcher ever. He, the most by any switch hitting catcher, switch hitting player. He broke, he just broke so many records.

Aaron Judge ultimately won the MVP because statistically he was outrageous in so many categories but it was a big debate. I'm biased. Cal's the man but also a catcher is handling so much more during the game. Aaron Judge played the outfield and then Aaron Judge

looks like if four loco grew into a person Kyle Raleigh is like you want to have a bud light with he's a fucking every man. He won the home run derby. His dad who was his high school baseball coach was throwing pitches to him during it. It was a better story for baseball but I actually wanted to get your opinion on this if you are going, because I think the writers were just like stats, like, Cal batted like

2.46. Judge was like 380 something, I think, to end the year. But again, Cal like broke all these records and for a catcher and like made baseball cool and like put, you know, gave a position a lot more love. And he's calling the whole game. He has to know the whole pitching staff. He comes in early. He's, he's catching the game, which is why it's unheard of for a catcher to be that offensively, you know, powerful, but he ultimately lost, and a lot of people were bummed out about it. And I guess my question to you is, if you were one of those, like, if you're assessing stuff like that, do you take into account, like, you know, what someone's impact for the game is? Or would you just go, like, no, no, who had the best stats? And that's the

MVP? Yeah, it's a good conversation, right? It's a good conversation. Do you follow baseball enough to fuck with that? No, I don't. But objectively, I would say go with the. best stats, the guy who's played the best. I guess. That's the most valuable player. But a switch hitting catcher. Look, it's a very valuable thing. It's just not the most valuable thing. Yeah. You know what they gave a lot of credit to is like judges in New York on the Yankees and

they get so much press and so much love. And Seattle's up here in the corner, right? Furthest away like everyone's just like, isn't it the fucking coffee sound garden place? And it's like there's a catcher up there? I mean, yeah, I don't know. That stuff I think does matter the national attention. but I don't know

There was a guy that was a really good baseball player that became a martial artist and had a wicked right hand this Japanese guy, Takanori Gomi and... Great name. Oh, my God, this dude, he was a pitcher. Oh, and play baseball. Yeah, he was a pitcher, and that's how he started off

and he just had a whip to his right hand. And you think about how fast a pitcher moves his body and I'm sure you've seen that one where... What's the dude's name that killed the bird? Oh, Randy Johnson? Bro, that's a former mariner That clip is Amazing

It's unbelievable It's insane I know it's like sad It's very sad But it's a once in a billion It's a one and a billion Joe the timing of that First of all

Birds fly through stadiums Like you know Every now and then And also you have The fastest throwing pitcher Arguably in the history of the game Right At his peak

Throwing I think A hundred Throwing he Can you imagine that bird And he hits that bird Right before that Do you think that bird I mean, I don't know.

Do they have thoughts? I'll tie a little fucking stupid brain. Looking for seeds. Fuck that bird. Fuck that bird. Fuck that bird. That bird existed for that moment. It did.

The universe wanted us to see it. The bird was virtually pulverized and killed instantly. Famously, Johnson was sued by PETA for the obvious freak accident. Sued? That's insane. And look at this. Johnson resents the way he's remembered as the bird killer. Ah, you got to let it go.

His nickname was the big unit when he was in Seattle. Yeah, no. I remember that guy. Dude, that's wild. And then there's the famous. If we're talking bird accidents, Fabio on the roller coaster. Remember that? No, what happened with Fabio on a roller coaster?

You get hit by a bird? Oh, man, this is unbelievable. He's opening a roller coaster at some theme park. I want to say Great America. And he's on the beginning and he's like, hello, Fabio here. I can't wait to ride the roller coaster. And oh, man. And somewhere in the journey, a bird flies out of nowhere and breaks his fucking nose, dude.

Yep, boom. Feathers and all. that's crazy so everyone's like what happened yeah and then he goes on ABC to talk about it a goose it was a goose he's look he's like goose are big he's like I can't believe it's not butter but I can't believe that bird had a vengeance against my face he was the butter guy remember oh that's right he was the romance novel guy too right yeah dude what a life wild chicks like reading their porn you know that great premise it's true it is it is it is true like guys like watching porn that's what it was yeah well Girls have always been into erotic literature.

And some of it's like, you remember the 50 Shades of Grey stuff? Come on, man, that was like... All of a sudden, ladies wanted to get spit on and choked. Like, what's happening? My friends would tell me these stories. Like, she told me to spit in her mouth. I was like, what? Did you do it?

I know my stepdad was like, your mom wants me to push her against the drywall. I was like, what the fuck? This is an inside, thought, George. It got real weird for a while. But then it kind of died off and went back into the shadows. But romance novels, like pornograph. romantic romance but they're not pornographic like visually even like the way they depict sex is like a feminine way yeah yeah but 50 Shades of Grey I think was that was graphic yeah yeah yeah what the fuck what the fuck was that all about ladies well he hiding and then there was the Twilight one you want a vampire that loves you I'll never understand that yeah I'll never I mean some dude who kills people I guess it's not for us blood he's been around for 1700 years you only 16 the whole relationship's disgusting this is disgusting you're a thousand years old you've got a 16 year old girlfriend

what do you talk about also the werewolves and like the yeah just having he was alive when kuleopatra was here and he's talking to a fucking 17 year old this is stupid would you judge someone more that was into vampires or feet um vampires for sure yeah feet's not that weird it's not that weird it's kind of you know they're cute they look good yeah you could justify feet it makes it sense i guess yeah The vampire one is nuts. Like, how old was the vampire in Twilight? He wasn't that old.

They were high school, maybe, right? No, but he wasn't that old. Like, I was saying, he's a lot from Cleopatra. That's bullshit. He's really probably only, like, supposed to be a couple hundred years old. Right? Is that the case? I thought you were supposed to be old, though.

At least 100. Imagine a hundred-year-old guy pretending he's got to pretend and hang out in high school. That's how he fits in. Yeah. That's how he fits in. 100-year-old guy's going to force himself to go to high school. Yeah, that's weird. What was it?

104. Okay. He said, in high school. Hanging out. Looking handsome as fuck, dude. But super pale, something was up. Well, you're in Seattle. You can get away with it up there.

Totally. I went to the, I think it was opening night of Twilight. When I did this movie, The Heat, it was after bridesmaids, Paul Feig did this movie called The Heat was Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy. It was like a big, you know, buddy cop. And I played one of the bad guys. first big movie summer blockbuster i'm like i heard the trailer was being played during twilight and i was like never see myself in a trailer so my buddy's like we got to go to fucking it was like they're playing

the r rated trailer the red trailer so we go to twilight on like opening night at uh the arc light in in hollywood rip and uh and it's just all like what i don't know 10 to 16 year old girls the whole theater and then just me and my buddy just baked out of our minds like very out of place and everything's coming on they're like announcing all the cast all the girls are going nuts but by the way they didn't play the trailer at all so we're sitting there and he's like

I'm like all right let's get the fuck out of I don't want to watch Twilight he's like well we're here we should watch and I'm like best of luck and I bounce so I've never seen it any of the Twilight movies they're not terrible they're not they're not terrible but they're odd and I don't necessarily think they're

made for boys I think it's a weird lady fantasy yeah it's for the girls yeah what's our equivalent weird lady fantasy but it's very odd that there's a vampire movie that's specifically for ladies you know what our equivalent is what weird science the show no the movie weird science remember when the two guys make the woman on their computer oh that's right come on dude anthony michael hall i forgot about that great movie who's that lady jami pull up the whole movie let's watch the whole movie that lady is

very beautiful who was that Kelly LeBrock Kelly LeBrock British I think she was yeah she was the super haughty back in the day that was one of the lab Bro, that was one of the first movies I remember seeing being like, okay, what is this dick really for? Weird science. Great. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. Oh, not Anthony Michael Hall.

Oh, wait, no, that's a remit. Yeah, Anthony Michael was the first one. Oh, there was a TV show. And was that, Bill Paxton is the crazy brother. Yeah, dude. Who made that? John Hughes. Come on.

Just had his finger on the pulse of cool. Wow. How did they make her? What was the ingredients? It was just, great question. You sound like one of the parents trying to recreate her. So how did they make that, girl, by the way? Is Wyatt and Gary.

I give her a bomb digits mammary glance. Wham digits? Wow. Oh, look, they have a computer. Yeah, dude. Yeah, dude. What would you little maniacs like to do first? Oh, my God.

That's her opening question? Weird science If you want to be a party animal You have to learn to live in the jungle Ladass Not here No way She is turning their lives

Trust me for once will you What is going on? I don't know Their minds The trailer is crazy She just wanted to make them cool right Yeah yeah She didn't even want to fuck

No You know they must have been like Dude did you not put in the right code She's here to like take us to dinner Yeah why would you stop with that Let's try one that doesn't talk as much. Let's try the next one. I think they just did it on their computer.

It was just like a bunch of... It's so easy to do back then. Such a funny thing, too. Like, we're just so trusting. We're like, that's probably how you do it if you were going to do it. Imagine that's how stupid it is. Just put a bunch of numbers in a computer and your door to your bedroom explodes. I know.

Make the boobs bigger. That's so ridiculous. Crazy. It's funny because people probably thought, one day. Yeah. And they might be right. According to the plot, they hooked some electrodes up and they hack into a government computer system for more power oh for more power awesome dude believable plot table for one

oh as long as we have more power yeah more power lady but I guess when you're watching that yeah you're just like that's yeah that's what are the odds that it makes a hot lady like what are the odds yeah that works first time ever two fucking high school kids figured out and we were like take my money tell me this amazing story oh yeah dude I'm surprised there was no scary movie type parody of that of them like making the wrong gal or something you know Oh, my God. Like John Goodman in a wig comes out. What year was that?

85. 85. Good for us. What year was Soul Man? Probably like 89. Soul Man. I haven't seen Soul Man. 86.

What's that? Oh. Okay. Go to that. Yeah. Soul Man. See Thomas Howell pretends to be black. So you go to a different school.

I forget how it happened. What the fuck? What the fuck? Wait, what? Bro, it's... No! Bro, it's crazy. Julia Louis!

No! It's not even good. Oh, God! What? Oh, man. Yeah, Julia Louise Dreyfuss is in it? James Earle's in it. How did he sign off on this?

Because people didn't know any better back then. Yeah, all right. Fair enough. They didn't. They were basically just climbing out of the caves, and they were like, What year is this? He intentionally takes too many tanning pills to turn his skin. darker and gets a scholarship.

Met for African Americans. Taining pills. You took tanning pills. Like as if they had tanning pills back then. Is that pre-taining bed? What a dude? I have a peptide now. They have a peptide now that can actually give you a tan. What does it do? Does it like just jack up your melanin? Yeah, what's it?

Somebody give that shit to Rachel Dahl. See if they take her back. Oh my God. Did somebody pitch a... Do you think somebody was like, we got, we need a blackface movie? But what's the story? And they're like... Well, it's a comment. He wants to be tanned. He takes too many, he tans too hard. It was a, yeah.

And he can't get into scholarship any other way? Is that, that must be? Is that part of it? I guess, right? So he got a scholarship because he was black? It says African American studies. Yeah. Do you have to be African American stuff, study African American studies?

That doesn't even make sense. That's just as bad as weird science. This is more science fiction. I found an New York Times, 1985 article talking about warning pills about getting an early tan. they had pills for getting a tan back then. Whoa. What did it do? I know, like, carrots will do that to you. It says, FDA replied,

canhtanaxanan is not approved for use to be ingested for it to color the human body. What? In oral tanning products, the use of canthanaxanin in oral tanning products is illegal. Tanning products have been seized under the provisions of the food drug and cosmetic act and further attempts to import these tanning products. Oh, it's all imported. FDA warns that tanning pills contain food colorings that accumulate in the blood, skin, fatty tissue, and organs. Such as the liver, they even cause the user's skin to acquire an, they often cause the user's skin to acquire an orange tint.

I didn't take the pills. I took no pills. They told me to take the pills. I said I don't need it. I took a lot of those pills. I took two males' blows. When you loved the Biden cocktail, would they would give him when he would have to do? do, like, press conferences or a debate.

The debate cocktail must be extraordinary. It was just Capri's Sun and Plan B gummies. Pro, it must be extraordinary. What happened to this guy? Get a real tan. Not a fake orange tan. Sun tan pills. You can get a real tan.

Oh, my God. That guy looks... Yeah, he went from, like, white guy to... That's not real. No, they put a filter on his ass. But they used to be able to sell anything in the back of magazines and it would just be a total scam. Oh, really?

Oh, my God. You knew it was a scam? just because it was in the back of the mag or what? X-ray goggles and all kinds of shit that didn't work. Like SkyMall shit? No, it was like the back of stupid magazines and stuff. They were just fake ads. There was no rules back then.

Fuck. People just scam people, sell you things that was totally horseshit. And you're like, you're stupid enough to send your money through the mail. Yeah. And you never got anything back. I'll see some of that stuff on Amazon every now and then where I'm like, how is this up there? Like, there's certain... Amazon has a lot of fake products, unfortunately.

There's a lot of fake supplements that are sold on Amazon. No way. Yeah. Yeah, so if you buy from a major company, like pure encapsulation. Why don't they filter? TikTok trend again somehow, obviously. Oh, TikTok trend again, tanning pills. They're taking it again.

It's not surprising. We love our pills. America, what do we love? Our free speech and our pills. We do enjoy a pill. We do enjoy a pill. This is an ad for better help. With the days getting colder, shorter, and darker, it can be tough for many.

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Whether you're checking in on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp. dot com slash jr e that's better h e lp dot com slash jare um what is the what's the can i should can you show me what it looks like is there like a before and after taking that stuff that's what i was that's what i did that's what this it's only that i was i was yeah but there's got to be like some modern people are those that one's AI in the second row right with that girl the crazy eyes so this guy took it maybe interesting he could have also just put tanning pollution on

Yeah, I mean, that's the thing, too. It's like those before and after weight loss things, it's like, was it really the product or did you just take some time off? We were talking about last night, Brendan Schaub and I one time we were watching these bodybuilders. And, you know, bodybuilders used to dye all of their skin, including their face. For what? Well, the more the darker your skin is, the more contrast, the more shows your muscles. Gotcha. So when they get, like, real shredded and they dye their skin like super dark brown.

I always wondered why they were all so. But now, after the. woke stuff, it's become offensive to dye your face. So they die their whole body and they leave their face white. So they have chocolate body, full chocolate body, white face. It's so silly. It's so silly. It's like, what are you doing? Who got him? Who can't? What is this craziness who complained about that? Look at it. Look. Look how kooky that is. That is not even the Cuckiest. There's some really cooky ones where people have white faces.

Dude, what are you doing? There's a whole video of me and Chob, like, with a bunch of different examples in it where we thought was really funny. Man, the discipline of the bodyholders. But it got weird because they, yeah, like, look at that guy. That's ridiculous because he can't do his face like that because he looks fully black. So now you just have to accept that this is how they're all going to come out and look on stage and just... Well, that guy went for it.

He's like, fuck it. Fuck it. Fucking. I'm going black face. Yeah, that's Bred Brinstein. Yeah, you can kind of go brown face. But if you want to get full chocolate body, like some guys go full dark. Dude, wow.

Like so dark they could be like straight from Cameroon. Can I ask that guy's pretty dark right there. I mean, look at those quads. I sure want to know, like, and I mean no disrespect by this. What, what, why? Why? Like, what makes you want to have, there was a girl I went to elementary school with

and she for a little bit became a bodybuilder and I think I looked at it as she had kids I think she was maybe midlife crisis and was just like I want to do something where I push myself and get into shredded amazing shape

is how I viewed it from a Facebook vantage point but like is this in you as a kid is it like you have a thirst for working out and then you just go too far or is it the same way we like stand up and have an addiction to that and a love for it? Is it really like, I want to compete and win at this?

It's not just about looking good. It's about like having the best instrument and competing against other bodies and having the best body. Is that? Well, litter is a bodybuilding competition. Right, but like, why, like, to have your legs look like that? What is the...

Different people like different things, Adam, right? All right. You know, and they clearly like being jacked. Yeah. They like looking like that. They look like a fucking living, human, incredible Hulk. Yeah.

They like it. Yeah. You know? And there's still just people. I mean, it's, people have always been fascinated by extreme bodies. That's why pumping iron was such a big film. People are fascinated by people that are willing to do this and go that far with something. Yeah.

Here's the question, though. What bothers you about it? Does it bother you like that's a waste of time? Oh, no, no, no. Why would you want to do that? I guess why? I guess it's just so far. Here's my question.

Yeah. If they had a pill. and I give you this pill and all of a sudden you look like that are you taking it or not? Well, I mean... No work.

So when I... It's the lottery and a pill. So let me answer that question with when I played Vince McMahon on the rock show about his life for a few seasons on NBC I got a trainer to bulk up I got a little bigger

not Vince big but there was a moment where a friend of mine came to me and was like there's an easy way and there's a not an easy way and I was like

what's easy way and he did suggest like some crazy shit and I was like I don't think I want to be look like that unless the show really asked me but I don't think I would would you want to look like Canello Alvarez sure yeah sit in a pill yeah yeah you take that yeah you take really good muscular physique nothing crazy yeah yeah and no judgment maybe I uh but you would take that pill right sure right I guess I'm more impressed. That was when Vince was a hundred years old. I'm more impressed by the, I guess, the discipline of what you must have to do, because I know that it's not just like taking

stuff to make your legs look that defined and muscular. Like there's, to be that guy at his age, that's bananas. Because like you look at Vince McMahon's build, I don't give a fuck how old he is. I don't care every he's 80. I don't care he's 40. Like if you're built that way, you're putting in hours, period. You're putting in hours. There's no way around. it like steroids don't make you grow they make you recover yep i mean they do make you grow a little i think if you i think the if you just took them and didn't do any work at all i think they do put some muscle on you but that kind of muscle is continual work over decades that guy's super jacked yeah it's why i'm so split on the baseball steroid stuff where it's like barry bonds yeah

it's the only thing fun about the game give them the roids let him hit the ball are we fucking stupid do you want to compete with China or no that's so funny America do we have the means yes we do do we know how it works yes we do but what are we doing skinny what do we got all these skinny hitters for that's so funny oh we gotta make

sure no one's cheating make it legal hit all the homel make it legal make it mandatory I want every baseball player to be roided out of his mind just giant fucking superhero looking dudes who crush it into the fucking parking lot

crack I want baseball bats broken like five out of ten games Greg Gerardo had a great old joke he goes I want Barry Bonds to come out as one giant chest muscle and he was saying how it's so fucked that Congress was like cracking down on that and taking away records he goes you're taking away records he goes he goes you know what else he goes because they say it's an illicit substance you know what else is an illicit substance crack okay no one's taking gold records away from Whitney

Houston one of my favorite Toronto jokes come on but he's right and and you're right I think I mean It is a TV show with Barry Bonds. I did a... Please, the floor was yours. There was a show that I did a baseball show called Hardball, where I played this baseball player. In one of the episodes, it was Barry Bonds was like the guest for the day.

Super nice guy. Cool. But he was normal-sized Barry Bonds back then. Still ripping it, by the way. Oh, yeah. Still, like, one of the best baseball players of all time. And super nice guy. Yeah.

Real friendly to everybody. And it was just like, holy shit, that's Barry Bonds. Like, this show must be for real. It wasn't for real It got canceled Fuck The show died But we did get Barry Bonds

That's awesome But it was It was interesting Because I got to see him As normal size Barry Bonds Yeah And then he got There was a difference

Fucking Jack Dude it's like Bro he got Fucking Jack But you still have to Hand-Eye coordination You stuff that hit the ball It's not making your eyes clear

Right It's not like It's definitely making your body perform better And on top of that recover quicker So you could do more work So that's the main reason

people do it It's the recovery. Oh, yeah. Well, not just recovery, but your ability to work. Like, especially guys who take EPO, like, that was with the Lance Armstrong stuff and the cyclists. What they're doing is so difficult for your body to compete, like, Tour de France, that, you notice how I said France? Like, I'm sophisticated. Yeah, it's really good.

Tour de France. I felt so pretentions. You got to do that. You really did. I felt pretensions after I said France. I was like, ew. You wear it well. Ew. It's been argued, and I think successfully, that you, it's healthier to do that event on drugs.

Right. It's healthier to be taking steroids and EPO for your body because you're asking so much of your body. It's so taxing and so fucking absolutely brutal that it's like you probably should take something. But the problem was you weren't supposed to and everybody was. And they were like blood doping and doing all kinds of crazy. God damn. Did you ever see the documentary, Icarus? No.

Oh my God, dude. Want to talk about a documentary that you have to watch? Yeah. Award winning won a bunch of awards. It's fucking incredible. And it's the most like, the circumstances just laid out so perfectly, like it was meant to be. So this guy, he does this documentary, and Brian Fogel, right? Brian Fogel, great guy, was a guest on the podcast a couple times, did this documentary where he's a cyclist and he wanted to cycle this race.

compete in this race natural, and then hire someone to show him exactly how to cheat and take everything that like a cheater would take and just take all the steroids and all the EPO and all that stuff and then do the same race and see what the score is, see the differences. So he hires this guy who's the head of the Russian anti-doping organization. Well, while he is hiring this guy, while the guy is prescribing him steroids and telling him what to take, that guy gets in trouble because it turns out they had, they had doped the entire Sochi Olympics team, the entire Russian team. There was a huge scandal.

They had drilled a hole in the wall and they were passing the dirty piss through and they were getting a new bottle of clean piss. No way. And they found it through microscopic scratches in these supposedly unopinable jars. These jars are supposedly impossible to open. And so once they sealed them off, they felt like these will be sealed until we open it. Well, then the Russians figured out a way to open the jars, and then they would swap out the piss and put in the good piss. Oh, my.

Crazy. So now this guy lays out exactly how he did it in the documentary. He lays out the whole program. And then he's on the run. So now he's in America, and he's in, like, witness protection program. Like, they want to kill him. Currently? Yes, currently.

He's in hiding right now. Now. And the documentary is why. You should get Danny the Dick. What's his name? Danny the private investigator. Danny Dick. What's his name? Dave Dolan, Dickless, Dave Dolan. He's dead now, unfortunately. Fuck. Yeah. But that's what you said that. I'm sorry. This okay. So when they, so this, after this, the Russians got banned. I think it was the Rio Olympics was next after that. And they couldn't compete. They couldn't compete as Russians. They had to compete as they ought to be independent. Damn. They couldn't represent Russia. if they wanted to compete in the Olympics. To go to that extent to pull that off is just...

He said they doped up everybody except the figure skaters. He said the figure skaters, it didn't seem to give them any improvement because it was all just really fine motor skills. So they were probably doing it for a while to see how it... They tried everything on air. They tried everything on everybody. This is what happens when you have a military-run country that, like, put so much pride in the accomplishments of its athletes.

Sure. You know, it's like very important. that its athletes show dominance. And Russia shows dominance in Olympics in the most manly of events. Like, their wrestling is good as any country on Earth. It may be better. It was a Russian figure skater doping situation

in the 2022. She was 15. She tested positive for the banned heart medication trimetazidine. You're on that, right? A sample collected from the Russian national championships. December 2021. The result only reported

because of Beijing Olympics February 2022 after she had already competed. Did she have a heart problem? I mean, is that like a medication

that she's supposed to take? I mean, I had the card of arbitration band it for four years. Wow, interesting. So, well, okay, well, let's put in what is that heart medication?

Due to a contamination of a strawberry dessert prepared on the same table as her grandfather's heart medication pills. Oh. Explanation. And she said,

that was ultimately rejected as implausible. Let's find out what the positive effects of taking that drug would be. Put in that drug and then put in performance enhancing. What do you think? I mean... You think it's got a performance enhancing, a heart medication? I think so. What does perplexity say?

Metabolic modulator. Yeah, increases blood flow to the heart. Stimulates, yeah. It enhances physical efficiency and endurance by improving how the body uses energy, particularly by shifting energy substrate used from fatty acids to glucose oxidation. It increases blood flow to the heart and stimulates glucose metabolism, resulting in better endurance performance. Its effects are different from typical muscle building or stimulant-like performance enhancers. Rather, it may improve exercise capacity, stamina, and reduce fatigue by optimizing mitochondrial function and cardiac energetics.

I want to get on it right now. I was just going to say this sounds incredible. When Derek, more plates, more dates comes on. Bring that up. Make a little bookmark. Comedians that will never... I mean, there's no doping for us, right? No, except weed.

Weed is definitely a superpower. But that's not like making you... Yeah. It's a superpower. It's a superpower. It's a superpower for self-deprecation, too. You know, the one thing that, like, we're talking about the green room, the guy who can't take a joke about himself, like, he's never high.

No. If you're high and someone makes him funny, you're like, oh, no, you're right. Yeah. Do you, will you have a little Eddie or a little puff before you go on stage or you try to keep it clear? Allegedly. Nice and slow. I like this guy. I like this guy.

30 years. You're going to have to be Johnny Depp's agent when I go and kill Tony and come up briefly. Oh, this is the question I forgot to ask about the 30 years thing. What if you just take it all at once? What percentage do you get? That, so yeah, I did find out you do get it all if you take it over 30 years and you get a 5% increase every year for inflation. Yeah, but you get it all. you live 30 years.

Like, my point was, if I win the fucking lottery and I'm 24 years old, I ain't making it at 30 years. It goes to your estate if you don't. Fuck my estate. I'm just saying. I'm trying to ball out here. What are you talking about?

I'm trying to get a jet. I'm trying to get a jet. Yeah. I want diamonds in my teethis. Would you go, well, you would, huh? Full grill? Yeah. I'm surprised you having at this point.

Maybe when it all starts falling apart. I'll start doing heroin, get a grill. I want to try crack At the very It doesn't Hunter Biden was talking about it It's like it sounds wonderful It's not giving me an exact number

At the very least you got to take out the 37% For federal taxes 37% The government takes 37% These motherfuckers That's wild dude You didn't buy one ticket You cunts

It's still income though And it's your money That sucks You buy the tickets And they're like yeah We got all the money from it But then we want more of your money too Yeah

We want money money money money money money money money money money money Money, money, money. And then what happens after that? It says that depends on, then state taxes, it depends on where you live. Okay, so 37%. But if you get one payout all at once, is it the $2 billion? No. I mean, you'd get like one point, whatever the fuck it is.

It's also lowered. But it's not just the 37% taxes that get drawn out. If you take it in one payment, you get less. It's given me on a $593 million jackpot for some reason, the pre-tax lump sum cash option is. approximately two hundred and seventy seven point six at a five hundred yeah it's almost six hundred so you get less than half yeah but you you get it right now you're getting it tomorrow i think that's what i do yeah i'm stupid yeah i would do that take it all give me it all right now i don't know what's

gonna happen tomorrow totally especially after i don't because i don't dude i would oh man i i'd probably i'd probably go to like i'd go to shack i'd be like you want to make kazam too i buy i buy a house near my folks. I go to Elon and go, how much for a rocket? Whoa. How much? Where would you do? You're like, are you serious?

Bro, if I got to Jeff Bezos money, for sure, I'm buying a rocket. And where are you going with it? Wherever. Rachel Kukamonga? Wherever. They're barely reusable. They will be by then. If I get that old and that rich, I'm buying rockets.

What happened to the subway system that was supposed to go like L.A. to Sanfran in like a minute. What was that? What? No, come on. I feel like you just talked about it. Oh, the boring company? No, the boring thing was like traffic.

It was going to be some sort of fast. Oh, the high-speed rail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that was really just a money scam. Fuck. They didn't do anything. Almost like helicopter Uber was like, I think, lasted for two days. How much did they spend on the high-speed rail project?

Let's find that out. Let's take a guess. I would not get on that. I don't think that they've spent at all, but there was, it says $4 billion in federal funding has implications what a great idea and how much have they built oh none

they're like tired of what other company what other company imagine if you you hired general dynamics whatever and said hey how much for you guys to make me train and make it go really fast and they said well I think we could do it for about 4 billion you're like okay

let's do it and then you give them the money and then you know you go back 10 years later you're busy you're not paying attention you're like Hey, how's the train doing? How far do you guys get? Not great. Not great. We didn't get anywhere. Yeah, we didn't get anywhere.

We don't have any more money. But I thought you were telling us. What did you? What happened? Well, there's a lot of NGOs that are attached to this project. We also bought a lot of Powerball tickets. And we had an indigenous land. We did a land acknowledgement.

To have a smaller version in Florida, and there are people dying all the time. Whoa. Because people think that they can beat it and they can't. What? Wait. Wait. Because they think in Florida, there's tons of trains going all the time. It's a normal train.

and you think you can get across and faster. Oh, so it's a lot faster than the normal train? What kind of train is this? It goes 125 miles an hour? Yeah. Regular train's like, what, 80? Oh, so how many people? 180 deaths making America's the most dangerous passenger train.

Just because people try to run across the tracks? Yeah. Bro, that's so crazy. And now you put up stats like that, and you've got some psycho kids that are like, well, now we've got to go test the limits. Can you show me what it looks like when it goes by? Is there a video of it going by? It's the Randy Johnson of trains.

I want to see drive-by. Yeah, there's got to be a video. I want to see what that's like. There was one that I just saw from, I think it was Japan. That's bananas. Can you imagine getting hit by a train? Oh, dude. That might be real.

It would be instantaneous. Yeah, I guess you wouldn't feel anything. Let's see how fast it goes. Can we get? Whoa. Oh, that's pretty quick. Yeah. That's scary.

That's quick. See that again. Yeah. Oh, man. Man. But the one in, I think it was Japan. I think Japan has some new crazy high-speed one that's like three times faster than that. Why?

Do you want to get somewhere quick? Yeah. No time to waste, motherfucker. I know. Time is money. Got to get it going. I know, dude. That's really what it is.

Yeah. They're making jets now that are going to be supersonic again. You know, after the car. Watch this. Watch this. Watch this motherfucker. What the fuck. Yeah.

Wait. That's not AI. Holy shit. Holy shit. No, that's not AI. This is Japan's new train. It says it's 310 miles an hour. Bro.

Watch this again. Watch this again. This is so crazy. Yeah, that didn't look, that looks faster than the 180, but that, so that's probably saving how much time do you think. If you're going, so L.A. to San Fran is like, Time is money, motherfucker. Time is money, motherfucker. Time is.

money. If you want to keep everybody safe, let's go 35 miles an hour. And then you know what you have to worry about? Train robbers. They hop on board because it's so slow, they can grab it. Oh, wow. Is that what the speed increases for? Like when they're going uphill? Are people still? The train robbers would jump on board. Oh, yeah. They'd wait. They'd wait to you about to go uphill. What a cool life, dude. In my next life, I'm going to be a train robber. Bro, don't do that. I don't know what it's kind of. Tokyo to Osaka and under an hour. Whoa, how far is that? Don't give me kilometers. Don't you do it. Don't you do it. Don't Give me kilometers.

Why didn't they teach us that in school? Kilometers? Yeah, they could have. We could all be using that. We could have abandoned this nonsense that makes us confused as to how the rest of the world measures things. 375. Whoa.

Jesus Christ. 375 miles an hour is crazy. So it's, they've been fucking with this for a while and we just aren't doing it because... They blew the money. But that was the only operation, potentially, to get it going. Some discussions have been talked about to get it going before either the, which

won't happen, the World Cup or the Olympics in 2026. All we need is an additional $4 billion and we should be on schedule. They're like privatizing. Of course we are. Wow. I love America. It's just so filled with crazy bullshit. It's just so goddamn goof.

There's a lot of fun stuff to talk about right now, right? Doesn't it? Do you find as a comic the crazier shit is the more fun it is on stage or no? For sure. This is faster than either flying between the two cities or taking the one and a half hour trip to the current Taikido line available with the Japanese rail pass. A proposed route will include stops, stations at Shingawa, Sagamihara, Kofu, Lida, and Nakasugawa. Sorry. We'll go with that. Originally planned only extend as far as Shingawa stations. the creation of the short underground route to central Tokyo, do-da-da-da-da-da. So how fast is it?

I mean, how far is it going? Was it saying? 40 minutes to, I mean, that's kind of an hour. It doesn't say the distance. Okay. 177 miles. 80% of the 177 miles will be located underground. Oh, Jesus Christ.

$55 billion. Scary. Oh, Jesus Christ. Imagine going 375 miles an hour underground. It's a thousand people at a time, though. Oh, boy. That's like 10 planes. You're making me nauseous.

Yeah, even the. New York subway sometimes goes too fat. You see that video of the woman falling asleep? God bless her, dude. Everybody, I think it was in San Francisco, right? What? A woman fell asleep at the wheel in the subway. Nobody died, but she definitely went off the track for a minute.

Oh, shit. Everybody fell over. Oh, shit. I didn't see that. And then everybody was freaking out, and she opened the door and goes, hey, chill out. We're fine. But, like, she very, I mean, maybe she didn't remember that she's on camera. So, like, they got her just passing out.

I mean, I'm surprised that doesn't happen more, honestly. Those are crazy hours they're working. No, there was a person running that still. Why don't they use AI? Sike, we got you. You're on my new hidden camera show. We got you there, we got you there. That's how it works.

No, there is a, yeah. AI for the subway? That's how AI takes over everything. You have these kind of conversations. Why don't they just use AI for that? And AI is like, you're right. You should use us. We could make it so efficient that it's 99.9% safe,

as opposed to the current level of 98% safe. That was really good. We could approximately save five million lives over the course of the next 20 years. Is that what AI? This lady just fell asleep? Yeah. Oh, so she's on like a real. Yeah, it's like outside in San Francisco.

Oh. It's going 50 miles an hour. It is surprising that with the Waymo's... And she just fell asleep? Yeah. Oh, my God. Just derailed. Didn't crash.

Oh, my God. That's so nuts. I just thought it was funny that she was like, chill out. Look at her. We're fine. Cold. Eight in the morning, maybe? wow boom look at that

can you imagine oh whoa that's nuts people went down that is nuts hands in her pockets like yeah you gotta

you gotta be 10 and 2 she got great lashes though yeah great eyelashes yeah man that's crazy they should have a computer running that thing have you done the Waymo yet no

yeah okay thank you I'm not gonna be a Trader to the human race. This is the first shot across the bow in the robot war. Except the fact that robots are going to drive you everywhere. I don't want that. Meanwhile, I drove my Tesla here today. It's fine.

It's basically the same thing. It's pretending I'm in control. Is it awesome? You're doing a great job steering job. Is it awesome? Oh, it's incredible. It drives itself. If I wanted to.

I don't ever do it, but if I wanted to, I can put in a dress, go boop, and it just goes there. Stops at every stop sign, stops at every stop light, changes lanes when there's an obstruction. So you don't have the... trust built enough to like allow it to take you I like to drive yeah me too I want to drive yeah it's fun I like driving and I like being aware of stuff and paying attention I don't want to just drift off and just like let the computer do the work but that's coming it's coming are you a road trip guy no I don't have time for road trips you don't yeah but I'm sorry I asked you are you a road trip guy as soon as I couldn't see you in a Winnebago Winnebago with the kids in the

back all right that's me yeah yeah I mean I mean I mean, the amount of gigs early on that I drew, the amount of times I went from L.A. to San Diego or L.A. to Santa Barbara, Elliot to San Fran or Sack for eight, ten minutes. I remember Trippley had some room and Santa Barbara I would drive eight minutes, then come back, then host a Fear Factor live show at Universal the next morning at 9 a.m. Just for, and I'd drive Sam out there or whoever it was just to get time. But I always liked it.

Wow. But as far as like a cross-country road trip, I don't know. That's not a road trip, though. That's just road work. Yeah, but five, six hours. It felt like a road trip. Well, it's a lot of driving. That's for damn sure.

Oh, okay, I guess, but road trip, a classic road trip. Yeah, like not even for work, just like a road trip. Just go on a trip, see the country, pulling the places. Yeah, I'd like to do it. I mean, do you take time off? I will next week. For real? Yeah, I'll just go home to Seattle.

You're not convincing. I know. Well, just because I have, I mean, it's like we have the last field show coming up. I'm on the road with club dates for. for the rest of the year. And then I start my theater tour, first theater tour, January through April of next year. So that's on sale right now,

Adam Raycombe.com. Bam. But I don't know, so many shows, and then last fill, and then writing a bunch, I don't know, I'm, to me there's not enough time of the day, but going home to Seattle for Thanksgiving will be the shutdown because I, remember my nieces and nephews, I wanna have, you know, a lot of time to kick with my mom.

Did you start stand up there? I did one open mic before I moved to L.A. Just to feel like I did. did it. And then I went to SCO1 to 05, started in 07 is when I like jumped in. I did a few frat parties during college, only going off the confidence that I did it once in Seattle. For whatever reason, you know, you need the delusion to start even trying to do stand-up. So for whatever reason, I was able to ride the experience of once in Seattle and go up at a frat party and just bomb. I mean, I got to find that footage. I got a few laughs. I got a few laps.

when I made fun of bike cops and then I did a little crowd work because a girl started booing it was before a band and the band was an hour late and then I had the balls to do all 30 minutes that I practiced I should have done five and gotten off

because the band was ready but I was like I practiced 30 I'm doing 30 can you imagine and then this girl started yelling shit out and I yelled shit back and got some laughs and that's all I remember about it

and my buddies just got off and they were like man that was how long were you up There, never a good sign. Nothing about what you did. But really started in 07 at the store and everywhere. You do need that delusion in the beginning. A thousand percent.

Yeah, you need to be slightly delusional because the dream is so ridiculous. It's so, there can't be any part of you that's like, do people really want to hear what I have to say? Am I really funny? I mean, it's just like, and I, you know, I had done plays so I felt comfy on stage. but that's what's so funny when you know there's a kid that I'm not mentoring but just giving advice to you every time he asked and he's

unfortunately looking for you know I think with just clips and everything now he's just like he's looking for shortcuts and I'm like I don't want to tell him not to do it but I'm like man you're just like you're not focused on kind of what I was telling you which is control you can control which is getting on stage all the time

writing all the time living a life worth writing about is what I tell this kid a lot because I'm like if you find yourself he's a little too isolated and I'm like you need to get your job back so you're just accumulating life experience having things to pull from but yeah

I can't imagine starting now well it's got to be because you're so focused on like I got to get that clip now it's a different sort of environment right the clip environment like that's how guys are promoting their work now it's like it's a blessing and a curse

it's definitely a blessing the only the only curse would be because it doesn't preclude you from still doing a lot of open mics it doesn't preclude you from working and you know opening for people and but it can give you like an undue amount of success like if you have like a really good crowd work video and then a bunch of people come out to see you but you really only have 10 minutes yeah you know which happens to some folks yeah because it's tricky and you don't necessarily want people watching you the first year or the first two years no even maybe in the first three oh my mom came out to see me to see me

too soon and it was bad. I did a joke. Let me see if I can remember. I said something about, I was raised oh, it's so stupid. Just a classic misdirect I go like, I was raised by a single mom. I grew up with just my mom and my sister. So I was like sensitive

and blah blah, blah, and making a joke about maybe being gay because I was raised by two women so I go. So my mom taught me to like be kind and nice and take a guy out to dinner before you lick his asshole and like would get about this response. And then I would go Just kidding.

I wouldn't take him to dinner. Bro, that was maybe my third time on stage. And my mom came to that show. It's my sweet mom, little Jew from Oklahoma. I remember after the show, she just goes, did you have fun? But the delusion to think, like, I don't care if mom's here, I'm doing the joke I wrote.

I mean, if you can call that a joke, but. Well, yeah. Well, it's also a part of being young, too, and you're young, especially dudes. We're just stupid. We are. Yeah. And you think you could do anything.

dumbass but eventually you can you know that's the thing it's like you're gonna have to suck at the beginning it's just with everything you do you know if you picked up

ping pong tomorrow you're gonna fucking suck I thought about that ping pong I thought about trying to I love ping pong do you oh I love it

really oh I fucking love it dude it's so it's probably how I don't know how pool is for you but like it's relaxing

even though I know it's a little and it's and I shoot the shit a lot with whoever I'm playing with it's a real like mindless almost because I don't play video games really anymore.

What happened? Why'd you stop? Moved out of my apartment, left the table there. I have space now. I have a house. I should fucking definitely buy one. You'll suck you back into that dark hole. That dark pong hole.

That dark hole of video games. Video games are too good right now. Oh, I do give me. No thanks, dude. They're too good. I played Halo over last holidays with my brother, and I was really high. he was not and I started to like I just had panic attacks it was too real my heart was

palpitating I was just like he and he got in my head he was like dude I can't believe you let our guy die and I was like he's like he's got a family I was like it was too much yeah maybe it's not for you no Jamie what was that did I send you that thing with those goggles that you could use on steam dude your brain is awesome I just I'm so glad we're going back to this because when you brought up the goggles earlier I was like fuck we got off that but I'm really curious about that so thanks for getting us back there this steam goggles is some new thing that I saw that there's like a component that goes on the outside and there's a battery pack and it can either directly sync up

to your computer or it works as a standalone and it's showing you like AR all the video games that are on Steam it seems fucking nuts right yeah that's kind of available now though right but there's a new one that's supposed to be even better that's that's the one that I say you I see You sent you that video, right? Yeah, but I'm just saying, like, this, it's not, I don't want to shit on it too bad, but it's not, uh... Please do. It's not, because I want it.

Yeah, it's not unfortunately, like, you can do this now. Okay, but my point is, this is supposed to be really good, the new one, and you could play games. Yep. Like, what games are on Steam? Does Steam have Quake? So, that's a misunderstanding. I think you're misunderstanding that a little bit. You can't play any game that's on Steam?

That's not what that meant, I guess. So VR games are available through Steam. And you generally have to connect a wire or something. I remember that giant setup we used to have back today? We were playing one of those games all through Steam. Okay. And we had it set up through a wire. Yeah.

And so on an Oculus headset, which is what this is sort of comparing itself to. Right. You have to download those games directly to that or have it connected to your phone. Right. And without an extra wire or another device, you couldn't easily play Steam games before recently, but you kind of can now. And so they've updated a device to be like, okay, well, we'll do that too now. Like we just put all that tecana.

This is my question, the obvious one. How long before you can play VR Quake? That said. They'd have to develop that in there, and I don't think that they want to. And also. On a multi-directional treadmill. It's VR Quake. It's too fast.

You'd get sick. You would throw up. You'd get sick. Yeah, you'd get sick. We're fine. Yeah, you'd get sick. There's no good movement. I'd be fine.

There's no good movement. I'd feel great. I'm just saying this. I'd do it fasted. Yeah. It's not. I could put the, roller coaster thing on free right now you probably just get real crazy no that's a hard pass yeah

no I'm sure I'm kidding but I want to try I just feel like if they really did VR quake and you're you're on one of those treas you ever see those they strap you in at the waist these treadmills no and it's like a circle and you can run in any direction no yeah it's like a contained circle cool what are they called multi directional treadmills is that what they're called omni omnidirectional treadmills so it's like it's kind of like you're attached with with, like, cables, and you just run on this treadmill, and, you know, you're running and shooting at things, and, like, you're probably getting some legitimate exercise.

1,000% you are. Especially if you're doing some game where you've got to run from zombies, you know, you're running, you're fucking gunning them down, and you're running and gunning down zombies. Probably amazing. So Disney developed something that's not available yet. They call it the hollow tile, which is an updated version of that,

which doesn't have to be on a treadmill. Like, you're not attached to anything. This guy's just standing still and walking. Whoa. But this, again, like. But wait a minute. Are they, like, beads? How is that working?

I talk to Disney. I don't fucking... Okay. But that doesn't seem like you can go fast. Well, that's the... You can't really go fast in this either. You can't go fast. I'm sure.

No one has... Your mom. If everyone really liked it, it was that good, me and Red Band would have three versions of it. I was going to say Red Band is all over this, right? Yeah, and it's just... It's not that good? Well, what's it looks like now.

Let me see what you got. Let me see a dude doing it. Total game changer! Look at that guy's sandals And tell me if you want to be him Wait, here's his David O Verified Byer, let me read this That dude's got sandals with socks on

I love my Omni one It has been a total game changer In just four months of thrilling action-pack gaming It has shattered my weight loss plateau And dropped an incredible 40 additional pounds All while having an absolute blast See that's what I was thinking Like it'd be legitimate exercise

Are those, oh that's his sneakers They're strapped in I thought he was wearing socks with sandals I was like that is the wackiest shit of everything That seems kind of fun have to do it though. Most people don't want to be active while they're playing video games. It's just like they're counterintuitive things.

Yeah. Yeah, but we're not talking about most people, Jamie. We're talking about a couple of athletes. I'm talking about me wanting that thing in my life. So when he's running on that thing, what does it look like? Can we show me a video of someone using one of the things? Like I'd be down to go to the prehistoric era and chase, fight, kill, whatever it is,

dinosaurs, but be moving and shaking, right? Yeah. Versus just being stationed. Yeah, I want to run from stuff. I want bad. It's virtual reality. It should be as real as possible. It's supposed to be scary. I mean, that's...

And also, you get a workout in. Ooh, that looks actually kind of cool. Look how he's leaning so far forward there to do that. Like, that's not comfortable. But is he doing that on purpose? Probably not. He's probably trying to make it work. Oh, bro, this looks awesome.

You are not dissuading me. This looks amazing. This does look awesome. This could be the only... Oh, my God. The problem, too, this could be the only game that works on. I want to shoot those things. You got to get Martin,

Philips and this. Whatever the things are happening in that game. This is kind of my point with all of you, I've tried to tell you before. If someone made a really good game by now, 10 years into this, everybody would know about it. We would have talked about it a bunch. Yeah. Okay. And it's just not.

What games can you play with this setup? I've never, I don't know. I don't know anybody that's ever used to. Well, let's find out. On the outside of the shoes. What are those? He's got something on the outside of his name. Right.

It's like a strapped-on thing, just like the other one was. It's so funny to see how far we've come. Remember the Nintendo trackpad? I mean, dude, we are just leaps and bounds past that. I think those things must have some sort of a sensor that lets you know where the foot is at any given time. That makes sense, right? So the game would know, that would be the way

the game would detect whether or not you're moving forward. Oh, this seems so awesome. Well, with all the stuff they do with the motion capture for the sports games is pretty incredible. But if you could play games like Quake, where you could actually be holding up a plastic rifle and you're running down these hallways shooting down monsters and shit.

Well, think about playing if you were playing like a Madden and you could like feel the impact of taking a hit or running like... I did that was not... It was in the middle of this. You know those gel blaster things? What's that? It's like Tony gives away and kill Tony.

It's like a little BB gun. Yeah. What is it? It's a little gel blaster? It's a little gel BBs, I guess. Okay. They've hooked it up and made it computerized and you have sensors on like VR or like laser tag.

It's in the middle of laser tag. That's fun. They put up giant things for you to run around. Cool. And it's scoring the whole time. Cool. Voices talking to you and saying like, good job, you did it.

Like watch your health, get back. You got to hide, reload. Birthday party idea, Joe. Have you ever done paintball? Yes. I did paintball. When I lived in Boston, there was this place that had like, it was like a warehouse that had all black lights.

Cool. And you had neon paintballs. Oh my God. And you had wars. Like with other. teams. It was so much fun, man. And they hurt. Oh, yeah. They fucking light you up. It's real pain. Yeah. When they hit you, you're like, oh, shit, that hurts. Oh, yeah, it actually hurts. I got one to lower back and shit. Yeah, it's fun. It is fun. It's very

exciting. They still do it, right? Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, fuck yeah, they do it. People get super serious. They have, like, really sophisticated paintball guns now when they can shoot like multiple rounds, like semi-automatic paintball guns. Oh, my God. Like a big giant bottle at the bottom filled with paint balls. Yeah, it's crazy. My buddy did one for a work. like team bonding thing he's like it did not end well like people were fucking just it was almost like a work conference

where people got fucked up and maybe cheated it was just like a version of just people taken out just people be you know just cheap shots and also people getting hit and going after people they didn't like and yeah but you know yeah so backfired oh no people getting their aggressions out

and their employees shooting them fuck you Joyce Sally, you shot her in the face. She's on your team. Well, I made it better. That fucking bitch is never on my team. Pulling hair. Oh, my God.

High heels in the air. That's so funny. Oh, my God. She's never on my team. Fuck that bitch. Yeah. You imagine how it at work with someone you hate. Imagine like eight hours every day with someone you fucking hate.

Doing something you hate with someone you hate. some shitty fucking person you share a cubicle with. No, man, no. Right next to you. Dredding it. Yeah, right next to you. Talking shit.

That fucking bitch. And there's no way to spin it, yeah. Nah, you're stuck. And then you've got to, like, behave with the office culture. I bag groceries at Albertsons for a little bit, and there were some people there that sucked, but, like, you know, I didn't see them every day.

Yeah, you're moving around. Moving around, yeah. You're doing stuff. Oh, but if you're locked in a cube. Oh, what a bummer. That's a fucking horrible way to live your life. Fuck, thank God. We were doing it.

delusional. Thank God, right? We need more delusional people out there. That's why I'm a big supporter of Adderall. Like, more people should. All right, Quigel sponsor. I did it once. Did you? I did it once and I went out to, I was doing, uh, there's a year after I graduated and my buddy was like, come out to the West Hollywood Halloween party with me. He's like, it's supposed to be crazy, like 200,000 people. I don't know if you ever in LA saw that. It was like up and down Santa Monica Boulevard, just the ultimate chaos, right? the gay part LA and so I was like oh I'm gonna do some content then so I got my buddy with the camera to like interview people because the costumes Jeff Scott from the store used to go

down there all the time the cost he would build elaborate costumes people would spend I mean I talked to a guy who said he spent 80 grand on a full Batman suit I'm not joking so I and and there was a guy there's a guy Adam and Eve they were just buck naked with a couple things I'm just talking to everybody I think it I made it taken off my YouTube but I was so tired and my buddy was like you want an add roll and i've never done it and joe i felt i have never done it since i was 2006 i felt unbelievable dude that's what scares me i felt unbelievable and i was locked in dude you were selling me something right there you were ready to sell some real stuff i've never snapped at anybody it was a bit i was a character yeah it's weird

right yeah i was so focused but i didn't feel like my heart was racing too fast it was incredible yeah that's the problem it sounds incredible it's like when hunter Biden describes crack like that sounds incredible well as way the only reason I didn't do it is because it sound too good yeah you know under my administration we had the first black mermaid who's that Biden who's the black mermaid the little mermaid that was black oh that's right I forgot yeah I missed that I missed that outrage okay yeah I'm great name for a title of a special outrage I missed that outrage oh yeah maybe it's a little long no it's not bad missed that outrage you jamming on another on another one i am putting together

material now you know that the weird process of subtraction deletion addition expansion it's like fucking around i'm doing it at my own pace yeah so i'm not thinking about i'm just thinking about having fun and doing things that i find interesting like you know it's like you know it's like You don't need to, I mean, putting a... What's that? Go ahead. I was going to say having a club and having to not go on the road is huge. And it gives you a chance to like, I think sometimes when, I don't know, a lot of people have this issue.

Like, you do a special and then you're supposed to go on tour like four or five months later. And you don't really have enough material yet. So you start putting together stuff that you think will work rather than stuff that you really like. Whoa. You know? Yep. So that's where my head's at. Yeah.

Just talk about stuff you're really like. And sometimes it's hard, like the subjects that I'm really interested in right now, some of them are just not that funny. They're just too weird. It's hard to figure out a way to make some of these ideas into comedy. When you're giving yourself ample time to marinate and play around if you don't have like a, I'm going to shoot something in. I mean, I don't know, having, I guess there's, again. Goals are good too. Totally.

Because they force you to work. They force you to, like, give like, a sense of urgency. I think at a certain point in time, a goal is good, too. But I also think there's a meandering period that's important. Got to explore. Yeah. Otherwise, you're going to get stuck. Yeah.

I'm doing my first weekend at the mothership in February. I'm fired up. Oh, shit. Yeah, I'm fired up. Very exciting. I mean, just being there last night, Shane brought me up. Man, he murdered. I was so different.

He's fucking so funny. Were you guys in a late show? Yeah. Yeah, nice. And I went over to see Queens of the Stone Age. They were doing this ACL live. Yeah. They're here tonight, too.

Yeah. Tony's going tonight. They were so good, dude. They're great. I met Josh, the first Dr. Phil live show we did, Burr did at the store, and he brought Josh. And he was just like, yeah, Bert told me he was doing the Dr. Phil show, and I was like, what the fuck is that?

And we just became homies. And so he came, invited me over there. And it was, I didn't see that ACL Live studio before. It's awesome. It's like a TV studio, but it's three levels. And it was like a really intimate, probably 500. Jamie, have you been there? Yeah, that's where that one killed Tony was.

I thought you were saying studio I was confused Well it's like a I mean Downtown ACLI Yeah I've done it Okay Oh wow

Yeah I've done that It was awesome But they ripped it Dude they're There I feel like Them foo fighters Like there's a handful of bands That you're just like

Oh you guys are rock stars Dude And Josh sounds so fucking good Vocally And the band is so dialed in I mean there's I think six of them in the group And it was awesome man

Yeah he's a nice guy I had a podcast once Back of the day Back in the LA days Yeah Yeah. We got a Queens of the Stone Age poster up in the green room. Tony showed it to him. He's like, oh, that's fucking great. Awesome. Yeah, Adam gave it to me. I was like, oh, this is such a cool photo and belongs to them.

Here, my friend Josh gave me this poster. You don't even want to have it, but I said it. Norm liked them, too. I don't know. I was going to see him, man. That's pretty close. It's not right. That's not right. It's pretty close. You know, when I first met Adam, I love this guy. I don't think I've ever told you this story. the Tempe Improv when he was booking the Tempe Improv That's when I met him

He, 2010 So I'm three years into doing stand-up He comes to the Hollywood Improv He's trying to just scout like You know, young comics To come out and feature at the Improv They gave him jurisdiction To start bringing people out to like

Feature and just, you know We'll fly you out, put you up And so I meet him at the Improv And he's like, man, I think you should come out And you know Jim Florentine And maybe you can feature for Jim Florentine And I'm breaking my ankle Playing an outdoor basketball game

with Sam Tripoli, shattered my ankle and couldn't go, and then Matt Bronger was going to be there in December. And he's like, no, you can do the Bronger weekend, but like, it's also the holiday show, so you got to be clean. And I was like, fine, I'll just take out the F-bombs. I was not filthy aside from that. I didn't have one joke

that was this, like, PSA joke about how, like, you know, it's all these celebrities talking about things that you, like, can't really relate to. You need, like, a guy. It was always like, you know, you know, Johnny Depp being like, you know, you need to read more to your kids. you know, blah, blah, blah.

And then it would be, I was like, why isn't there a guy that's just like, what's up? My name's Cameron. Life gets tough, you know. So make sure to tell your doctor, please refill on your Vicodin order. That way you can sell the pills for $10 a piece to your deadbeat pill poppins friends and finally get enough cash to buy that 20-inch physio flat screen that your slutty-ass girlfriend said was going to take up too much space in the apartment.

Well, good thing she showed you her bipolar side because now you're free from her bullshit annex. Fuck you, Beth, you dumb cunt. And I have like a PSA at the end of it. I did that at the show. And I said, cunt, and I got fired from the weekend. And Adam comes up to me, and he goes, man, I put me in a tough position, man, I got to fire you. And I was like, what?

And he goes, I told you to be clean. I go, I know I totally fucked up. I rolled the dice. They had me go up and do 10, and then 5, and then 10 again. And I was crushing. And it was great. But the owner at the time, I think he's passed, was super, like, conservative Christian. And even though all the holiday parties were coming up to me and being like,

dude super funny it was great Adam's like dude we have to like the manager at the time this guy named Eddie was like we got to get this guy out of here because if there are complaints then we like we got rid of the problem you know and meanwhile I'm looking up and I'm seeing Bronger kind of cursing and whatever

and the manager was like well he's the headliner and I was like oh I think I'm being used as a scapegoat but I get it because I did tell Adam I'd be clean and I fucked up Adam though then comes over with me he felt bad that I felt bad that I fucked up and we go to the bar next door we rip it up we chat and we stayed in touch and like he didn't like hold it against me and then uh

still a homie to this day yeah he's a good dude you know that's uh you're not supposed to say cunt when you're on a clean show part of the thing yeah fucked up yeah and i was up until that point it was the last joke i did and i just rolled the dice and i started doing it and i wasn't savvy enough to like i was like this is how it ends have you always been able to like do impressions like this what is that i don't know just because you do a lot of impressions pretty good ear yeah Yeah. Where'd that come from? When did you start doing that? Impersoning teachers and friends as a kid, I think.

I was a real big kid, and there was a girl that every... The first impression I remember doing was this girl named Annie, and she was like the young hot girl in school, and everybody had a crush on her. And I had bigger tits in her. I was a real big kid. And she had a real big crush on my buddy. So I remember I prank called my buddy as her

with a couple other friends, like pretending to be her calling him. And he believed it. And we had like a 20-minute conversation. No way. Fourth grade, yeah. Let me just hear what it sounds like. Well, I can remember, I can tap into how I would do it because it was like in the back of my throat.

It was like, really like, hey, Evan, what's going on? Obviously, my voice is way deeper now. But that's what I would do. That would be a problem. I'd be like, who the fuck is this? And how big's your dick? This is crazy. I'll send you a link.

So then I would start doing. What size shoe do you wear, Evelyn? Evelyn, you're killing the comedy names for these bids. So teachers, friends And then I did I went to my friends Like water sports camp That was like all

It was a Christian water sports camp But I was buddies with them So like yeah you can come And like just skip the Jesus talk I guess Even though the guy tried to convert me He was like I know you're a Jew But you're the only Jew here I was like yeah

It just doesn't feel like a conversation We need to have about that He was trying to convert you? Yeah How did he do it? I can't totally remember But it was something about It involved sucking your dick

It did a little bit. Yeah, letting Jesus into my heart. He's like, and Jesus would love to see if you could fit around this. But I remember for the talent show, I did, like, I did a bunch of impressions. I did, like, what I do? I did, I think, a Clinton and a Cosby and that age well. And then I did a master splinter from Ninja Turtles and, like, Mike Tyson. I just, I don't know.

I think I always have a pretty good ear. But like all the stuff. But I want to go back to how this guy tried to convert you. Oh, shit. He had a Bible. he wouldn't he just sat I got out of it pretty quick because I was like I'm here for the jet skiing and the camaraderie and he was like I think you're really missing out on letting Christ into your heart he's like and he kept asking me like is life going great for you I'm like I don't my mom's holding down four or five jobs like I can afford you know she didn't buy me Jordans but I got the I got the Patrick Ewing's you know we're doing okay and he just kept trying to be like you could be doing better than you are now and Jesus will fix that was like kind of the moral stuff yeah Jesus is gonna fix your whole life yeah whole life he's like do you know why your dad left whoa yeah he did not swear to God yeah he brought up a little divorce because because you didn't have Jesus in your

heart I don't know if you was going there but your dad didn't have Jesus in his heart that was probably insinuated if you found Jesus how does the dad get back in your life great question great question doesn't this is terrible logic yeah yeah he went hard in the paint he was a young guy too those are always suss yeah those young hard in the paint guys are very suss yeah he was trying to I think he was almost like he's a young door-door salesman. He was like, if I can convert the Jew on this camp, maybe I'll get my, I'll get Delta status. I'll be a golden medallion.

Yeah. Yeah, it's a weird one, right? But the voices, I just, I don't know, an ear for it, I guess, you know? Like being, but I don't even, having, doing the character stuff and having being able to actually transform helps a lot, being able to, like, see myself. I need to bring that guy into your act. The guy's trying to convert everybody.

I really should, to be honest with him. 100%. So Johnny Depp and the guy who's always trying to convert everyone to Jesus and Jesus will fix everything that's wrong. Everything. Everything that's wrong. I guess and I just, I didn't know enough about it to give him a, I don't know. I also just like, I don't know, man, I'm pretty reformed with Judaism anyway. Like, you know. When I was in college, when I was at UMass, there was this girl that was in my class. It's really hot Puerto Rican girl with glasses. She was so pretty. And she was really friendly. And she kept inviting me to these things. Like, she invited me to this weekend retreat that her and her friends were going to and I was like, whoa, this is crazy this really hot girls inviting me to go to this thing like, you know, I felt like I was kind of a loser

like, why is she inviting me? This is crazy. But I couldn't go. I had an event, but I forget what I had. I think I had a fight. I forget. I was still competing back then, I think. And so then, might not have been,

I don't know what the fuck it was. It might have been a comedy show back then, actually. Now I think about it. It was probably early 90s. Yeah. So when I was in class, we all found out that there was a plane crash. It was one of the Trump planes.

Trump had an airline for a while. I don't know if you remember this. Oh, Trump Air? Yeah. And one of the planes, the landing gear, didn't come out right. And the plane like skid across the one way and the people lived and they were fine. So I'd heard about it and they were all sitting eating lunch. So I went into the lunchroom and I said,

Hey, did you guys hear about the plane crash? And they go, no, I go, yeah, this is crazy. I go, everybody lived. What happened was the plane skid to the runway and the landing gear didn't come off, so it's like just the bottom of the plane. But everybody lived. And then the hot Puerto Rican guard goes, oh, praise God, praise God.

Then they all started saying, praise God, praise God. And I was like, oh, you guys are trying to get me to go to a religious retreat. I'm like, okay. So then I were going to the bang bus. So then I started asking questions. So I'm like, so are you guys like hardcore Christians? Like, what are you guys?

And they're like, yes, you know, and we wanted to invite you to, you know, take Jesus into your life and to join us in this routine. I was like, yeah, I'm not going to do that. But thank you for that. Now I know why you wanted me to go. I thought she liked me. Bummer. It was a bummer. Yeah.

But made more sense. I was like, okay, that makes sense. Yeah. They're trying to recruit. And that's how they do it. They get this hot girl to recruit people. Yeah, I mean, smart on their part. Smart.

But I wonder what it was, really, because it seemed a little cultish. It seemed really odd. It wasn't just like, you know, there's a lot of Christians that I know that are great people. And if you told them about a plane crash, they'd be like, oh, thank God, thank God. But it would be like a normal way to say thank God. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was a weird, praise God, praise God.

They were all saying praise God. And it was odd. It wasn't as simple as, oh, thank God everybody's okay. Yeah. Oh, thank goodness. Yeah. Thank God. You know, oh, I pray for those people.

that they they okay that's normal yeah there's something about praise god praise in all of i'm saying it i was like oh no god damn it drink this jose it was like like i was in a zombie movie where everybody's turning i was like oh a woman came out to me after my show last weekend and goes i heard you talk about being nervous flying on stage and i ran to my car and i know you're a jew but i brought you a bible and i go um i think i'm all right and she goes well wouldn't you like to know like where you're going when you die, if the plane goes down? I go, to be honest, no, I'm rocking out to my

favorite Phil Collins song, hoping that the plane reroutes itself and we actually live. If the plane is shaking in a certain way, I don't just go, all right, well, at least I'm going. I'm like, no, I hope we get out of this. But she was like, oh, well, you wouldn't just and then she kept pushing

it, and she was like, I really think Jesus, and she kept going off, and then I go, with all due respect, like, I thought you just came in line to take a picture and say hello, you know I hope you had a good time with the show she goes I'm gonna go try that guy and it's my opener I go he's more Jewie than I am so best of luck and she went over to him and I just see him going like you know I try to be nice to be like you know it's and I was very I try to be very you know sweet and be like thanks but no thanks but just so pushy man there's a lot of people

that it gives them like a personal validation yeah she didn't like that I you'll follow yeah what they're doing like and they also want to like guide you. They wanted to help you. She thought I was not control you. Yeah. I got no problem if you're like,

I want to shoot my shot and see if you're into this. But once I was like, no thanks. But then there was a shift in her eyes of like, oh, you're this. Well, she really believes it. She's probably schizophrenic. Yeah.

She's probably got a mild touch. Just a touch of the skits. Touch of the skits. There's a lot of folks out there with a touch. Sure. I don't think skits and frenics all full blown.

No. There's a lot of people that are just like oddly out of touch. Yeah. We just got to go, I don't think you and I are experiencing the same game. I'm trying to cross the sidewalk. You're trying to eat it. You're on some weird level where you're not seeing things the way everybody else does.

Yeah. Very weird. But some people are like that and they ruin the idea of religion for a lot of folks because it's like you associate religion with like cooks, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. To need, being a good person is a pretty easy formula too.

I have one friend that's just so, God bless him, he's just so hardcore conservative Christian and I'm like, do you need all that to justify being a good person? Isn't it like, out there's some golden rules you can follow of treating people the way you want to be treating? He's just, it's just too much, in my opinion, you know, but yeah. Well, I think it's a good, it's like a good scaffolding for morals and ethics. That's the best thing about religion. And if you follow people that are like devoutly religion, most religions, there's a few religions that preach some sort of, some pretty radical violence.

But for the most part, what they're trying to get you to do is be a better person. They're trying to get you to follow morals and ethics and don't lie and, you know, love your neighbor and be a kind person. Totally. But you can do that without it, can't you? You can, but it helps. Yeah. It really does. And there's something about like going to a church where everybody has the same thought.

You're all there for the same reason. Yeah. You're all there to give your mind, like give your consciousness, like think about the concept of this higher power and think about what these lessons that are in the Bible really refer to and what they really mean and what actually really probably happened. And it's interesting because you meet like the nicest people that do that. So it does work. Yeah.

That's the thing. It's like you could get hung up in the weeds about whether or not you believe, you know, Adam and Eve are the first real people. Like, eh, that seems a little suss. You know, the whole Noah's Ark, like, what? That seems a little suss. But I think outside of that, what you're really dealing with is a bunch of stories where people are trying to accurately depict real events,

but doing it after hundreds of years of just telling stories by the campfires. And a lot of it's distorted by translations. A lot of it's distorted over time. But I think they were trying to say something. something very profound and I don't know what really happened but I think what they're trying to do is give you some sort of a history of human beings on earth. It's just a very weird one because if you get into the Old Testament like the Old Testament has some wild shit in it man you get into like Ezekiel story of seeing the wheel within a wheel in the sky

and like heads of animals and all these like what the fuck did you see yeah I got Finish narcos first. But people that follow Christianity that actually do follow it and are like real Christians are some of the nicest people I've never met in my life. So my point about that is like you could get hung up on the weeds and whether or not you think it's a stupid thing to do. But man, it works. It makes for nicer people.

Sure. And so that's why I support it. I support that idea of any religion that makes you nice. Like even Mormons, it's kind of ridiculous. There's a guy, Joseph. Smith who wrote it he was 14 yeah who seems to be a little bit of a con man yeah you know said he found golden tablets that contain the lost work of Jesus and when they said well where is it they go oh the angels came and took it away because they didn't think you believed only he could

read it because he had a magic rock like okay that's crazy wow you get your own planet when you die what yeah okay but yeah Mormons are the nicest fucking people on earth totally they're the nicest fucking friendliest sweetest people and now they have their own show the secret wives of Mormon. Do they? I haven't watched it. It's like incredibly popular. Is it? Yeah. Is it any good? I try to watch one episode. I think my wife's into it. You think she's into it? It's a real

housewife's type show. Oh yeah. But they're getting the girl from it apparently is now going to be the new bachelorette. So that's how popular it got. I saw an ad the other day for the golden bachelor. They're letting old people fuck? Bro. It's yeah. Do the old people get after it? It's bro. It's the guy was like 77. The woman was like 74.

but she looks 73. Wow. And they get after it? It's like, yeah. It's like... Do they make out? Oh, probably. They're...

Really? I mean, it's really, it's like they've got one last shot at love. Whoa. Is that really what they're saying? Yeah. No. We'll see if when they wake up from their nap,

if this match is really a true match. Oh, boy. Yeah, and they've all lost somebody. I mean, I watched the first season. Oh. It was gripping. Oh. There's something about being lonely and old.

Well, they've all their... You know, the Bachelor, the Bachelor and Bachelorette are just like, you know, my name's Kimberly, and, you know, I'm 29. I'm like, I'm just tired of fuck boys. And Golden Bachelor, she's like, my name's Teresa. I'm 75. My husband died four years ago.

And I don't know if I'll ever see another penis. But I hope I do. I'm paraphrasing, but she's jumping back in. And the guy was like, dude, Prince Charming. He looked like Vince McMahon. Fuck Pat Seajack. What was the one where they had? He turned out to be a creep though, by the way.

He told, let me say it's real quick, this report just came out. One of the girls goes, who got picked, the Golden Bachelor picked her. And she goes, yeah, they split shortly after because he was just fucking a lot of people. This guy was 75. He was just cheating on her. She goes, yeah, he took me on a walk and said, if I ever kill you, this is where I'll chop you up and leave your body. That report came out like three or four days ago. Whoa.

That's what the Golden Bachelor said. Did they vet this fella? That guy said that? Jerry, I think. And Teresa. Jesus. He looks like a guy. Who would chop you up?

Why say that, dude? It looks like a guy that would say it at least. Oh, yeah. What was that show where they had these young guys, like these older ladies, like Milf's? Milf Island. Yes. Is that what it is? Is that what it is?

It turns out to be the sons of the other ladies on the show and they start hooking up. Stop, dude. Yes. Stop. Yes. Yes. I couldn't even bring myself to watch it. Why didn't you host that, dude?

I don't want to. You should have hosted that, dude. I already hosted people eating animal dicks on TV. I think it's a special place in hell for me. Thank you. That was such a good show, man. Miltf Manor. Miltf Manor.

So that's the story, right? They brought in the sons of the other ladies. They put out a trailer and they were very vague about what the fuck. Yeah, that's what it is. It's like these hot milfs, and then, you know, they have like 20-year-old sons. And then the 20-year-old sons are now and just banging your mom's friend. Why isn't there just Anil Island at this point? I mean, we're so close.

It's like some of these even love, that's a lot, yeah, right. This is probably a porn you can get. I bet if you just Google Anil Island. Use your VPN because we're in Texas. You have to say you're in Maryland, otherwise you can't get online. Oh, loophole. Yeah, there's a thing where in Texas. You have to show government ID.

In season two of Milf Manor, they've added the... Oh, my God. They brought in the fathers to get in the mix, so it's the sender. Oh, God, it's a fucking orgy, disgusting, multi-generational orgy. Who goes on that? Where are they now? Where are the start? I mean, they're only two seasons. It's pretty new. How's it doing? Great question.

Here's the thing. It's like, who the fuck is watching TV anymore? The moms are really not much older than me, which is tough. Who would have ever thought that, that's great. How old are the moms? Almost all in their 40s. There's a couple in their friends. And they're hot? Let me see some photos. See what we go? See what we're dealing with. Yeah. Because, you know, you've got to be. There's a lot to choose from out there.

A lot of Milks want to get on TV. A lot of Milf Manor. If you had a milf show, you'd probably find quite a few candidates out there in the world. I think so. Yeah. Let's see what do we got here, Jamie? See some of the, it's on HBO. Is there a host for the show?

Wait, this is on HBO, the fucking place that brought you the Sopranos, now brings you Milf Manor to. Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, we're heading in the wrong direction. It's not, it didn't give me any. Hot single moms diving to a unique dating experience. Is it really in the HBO show? TLC show so it's available via the HBO oh I see oh okay okay okay why do I feel better about that

I was like because TLCs B goes from Game of Thrones to this ooh a lot of pretty ladies okay they look good yeah yeah yeah if there's some 20-year-old dudes yeah sure especially the black lady woof very very hot geez okay there's the father and son oh boy god yeah we're banging it out pops wait so they're oh so the guys are taking their shirts off shit? Okay. Yikes. Mommy man or two. This weird culture of everybody wanted attention. So strange.

Reality TV, yeah. I mean, it's so odd. Fifteen minutes of fame, and then you can take that 15 minutes and turn it into a podcast or a... Is that the most popular type of television these days? Is reality TV? Is that the most? Like, what is popular these days? Joe, I think so.

That in like true crime docks, and then I'd say... But like regular TV. serious you know i just watch is the murdaugh um you know that that's a whole story the murdha guy alex murdaw killed his wife and son and um no the lawyer oh man have you heard of this james this happened probably i think 2011 um high uh powerful lawyer in the i think the midwest and his son uh was driving drunk in a boat accident and with all his friends and uh and one of the girls flew off the boat and died and so the dad

shows up at the hospital he's just super powerful dude and was already like stealing money from his like business but he like went into like the thing and tried to like curb the story to the other kids being like who was driving the boat that type of shit and then the story got real just uh slippery and whatever and everyone was like oh and then the kid got off because of the dad and the families tried to sue and it just didn't really happen because the dad was so powerful and then come to find out that the dad is stealing money from the business and then the mom and him are having a bad relationship

and the kid is getting bullied and teased and then he ends up murdering his he ends up murdering his wife and youngest son because he's got a pill problem he's going to go to jail for for you know tax evasion and money laundering

and stealing from his business and anyway he's now serving life in prison Holy shit Joe you I don't know what you watch, but it's, dude, Patricia Arquette and Jason Clark are unfucking real, dude. I just finished it today. Oh, so it's a recreation of a documentary.

Well, the doc is also... It just happened, too. It just happened. There's still, I think some events are still being unfolded. The doc is also incredible. But what's the official trailer that you just showed me? That's a different thing. Oh, so this was the Netflix show from like two years ago. Yeah, okay, but that's the documentary.

Yes, so the show just came out. Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Dramatization, but, you know, but they have all the facts. And Joe, it's wild how they end up. finding out that it's him he did not cover his bases at all I mean he but he tried to he tried to like throw the phones away and then he drove to his mom's as like an alibi look at how creepy his hands look in that photo what's going on with that

why is his hands covered in blood oh man probably just to allude to the murder but I guess so like that that to me like but again it's murder and it's drama and it's a limited series I think it was just eight episodes people are into that stuff but the reality to kill your wife and your son yeah crazy just to just to create a distraction basically and be like and victimize himself to be like he said he killed his wife and his son

he said it was people that were probably coming after for the whole boat accident because the town it kind of turned on the family being like the kid got away with it because he's a powerful attorney and they whatever and so he tried to go and he cried and they came and he was like he's probably the guys that were upset about the boat thing and we've been

getting all these hateful people coming after us and yeah how long did he get away with it even cried on the stand he's still to the day, snot coming out of his nose. Yeah, he still to this day maintains his innocence. But they put everything together, dude. And on the phone, there's a phone that his son had before you hear, the dad says he wasn't down at the kennels when they were saying, uh, bite of the dogs before the mom took off and was like, I'm going to divorce you. I'm going to live at our beach house. So he also was sad about that. And there's, the son had his phone out videotaping the dog and

you hear Alex in the background talking. And he said he wasn't there. So that was a big red flag where it was like dude you're on the fucking video crazy god but yeah any kind of guy that's like willing to murder his son and his wife is not thinking straight yeah you said he was on pills what kind of pills you know ohsies or something i think so yeah yeah some something that was just numbing everything you know some heroin haze yeah with a gun yep and then he's in jail and his older son comes to visit him he's like dad did you do this what's going on he's like dude look at me of course not why would Why would I kill your mother?

He's like, it was somebody out there. And he goes, he's like, I'm sorry I lied about being there. I was there. But I was there. And then I left and then I went to go visit your grandma. And then that's when it happened. I mean, the timeline just doesn't. I mean, it doesn't happen.

So his son's just like. You're like realizing my dad killed my mom. Yeah. Yeah. And being like, and you're lying to me. You won't even, even in jail. You're just like. You're jail forever.

And then he even goes, he goes, thank God I left. Otherwise, they could have, you know, gotten me too. Wild, dude. Oh. Imagine just committing that hard to like a Monsters are real There are some people that are just real monsters You know

Like what do they say what percentage of people are sociopaths Like complete sociopaths They have no empathy for other people We've clocked it? There's a percentage I think they think there's like a certain measurable percentage of people that walk amongst us That are complete sociopaths And even if they don't do anything horrible

They really don't care about other people Like they don't have any feelings about other people Both of those are attached to being a sociopath. Yeah, and I think probably there's a connection of narcissism in there, too. But, okay, one to four percent. Percentage of people who are sociopaths,

often associated with antisocial personality disorder, is generally estimated to be around one to four percent of the general population. More specifically, some studies suggest about one to two percent with around three percent of males and one percent of females exhibiting sociopathic tendencies. One notable estimate is that approximately three to five Americans could be sociopaths,

or have ASPD with some sources citing one in 25 people, 4% as having sociopathic traits. Interesting. Yeah. We got to think sociopaths are disproportionately represented in prison populations. The thing about sociopaths, though, I don't know if that's a nature or nurture thing. You know, to have like no empathy. Is that something that happened because of something that happened to you as a baby? Probably.

Could be. like you just no one cared about you you didn't care about anybody like you never developed an ability to care or is it because I know some people that were terribly treated when they were young but they're great people yeah they're kind and sweet because of the fact they were treated so poorly they're really kind and sweet to other people you can develop that approach to life what's the difference though between is it a that's the question is it like is something wrong is like could you be a good person and still be a sociopath like where like you really don't care about other people but you just do the right thing because It seems like the right thing to do. Yeah. But like if... Like just because you weren't hugged maybe a ton of as a kid or maybe you only had... Well, I'm getting at that. I don't know.

Maybe it's not. Maybe it's a genetic thing. Maybe it's just a weird, like you didn't get all the ingredients, you know? Could be. Yeah. What a bummer. Because I feel like that's a pretty common human thread to have empathy. Oh, yeah.

And compassion. Like that's what keeps us together. Core traits, yeah. Yeah. It's like people that don't want that. Like, you don't want friends? Like that, what? You don't care about people?

You kind of need empathy and compassion. to interact with anybody, don't you? Like in any situation to... Well, you could fake it, right? You could fake empathy and compassion. If you're a real sociopath, it's got a lot of time, like, tricking people. Like your whole life you've been tricking people? Maybe you're a real good politician.

Yeah. You know anybody like that? And so then... Yeah, and then so you get to this point where that's like you're just really good at pretending that you care about everything and you really care about nothing. Yeah. Yeah. What's your best quality?

Mine? Yeah. I have no idea. What do you, like, what do you, if you had to, like, are we on a date? This is crazy. You're a likable guy. Like, what do you, like, what's your, like, I don't know, what do you lead with? Your outlook at life?

I'd say that, right? You're a glass-half-full guy. I have a good outlook, yeah. But I've also been very lucky, you know, so there's a lot of that. Like, you have to really take it into consideration. You created your own good luck, though. Some of it, sure. But some of it is just, you know, you don't get hit in the head by a meteor.

You know, you don't die in a car accident. Like, some of it is just flat out. luck is part of life that appears to be very random sure and that you can't control so anybody that's like successful at all there is a percentage whatever the percentage is 30 whatever it is there's luck there's luck involved but you worked everything you did as far as like having this for sure getter attitude and put yourself in positions yeah and then make good on those opportunities right 100 but it's also luck 1,000 you have to have that too you have to have a bunch of things that happened, you know, in the right order for things to work out well.

Because we all know, like, really talented people that for whatever reason never got it together, you know, especially in comedy. Because there's so many people that we know that were, like, really talented. Like, they had something special. And they just never followed through. Or they just died. They couldn't deal with the rejection. They couldn't deal with the bombing on stage.

They couldn't deal with the hours that you have to put in. And they fell off. Dude. There was a lot of guys from, like, the early. days where I was like man this guy's gonna be fucking huge you think there's more people that like if you started then versus now would drop off because again like we were talking about with clips and just having more ways to be discovered or have more opportunities to create yeah yeah you had a very few chances back in the day the chances back in the day were real

simple you had I either get on evening at the improv or the MTV half hour comedy hour or Letterman letterman was like the golden goose Or the Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was running it. If you got on the Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was running it, you could legitimately have a full career. And a career back then was a club comic. A career was a touring club comic. So you just named four opportunities.

Yes. That's fucking nuts. They were really hard to get on to. Well, the Letterman one was. The ones that were easier to get on was like they filmed a lot of those MTV half-hour comedy hour, so a lot of people got on those. And you really only needed like seven minutes. Yeah.

So there was a lot of those. And that helped. And then so you could say, as seen on MTV's half hour comedy hour and someone comes to see you at the comedy hut. Yeah. And then you're out there, you know, working. But there wasn't a lot of things that could turn you into like an act that could draw on the road anywhere. You were basically like, oh, this guy was on Comedy Central, so he must be funny. Let's take a chance to go see him.

And then if you did it a bunch of times, you'd develop like a following in certain cities where people would come back to see you again because they had a good time. but now you know all you have to do is just have a clip and that clip goes viral and then you're selling out theaters like right away yeah so it's definitely more opportunity for someone to pop and there was a lot of guys back then that had like great bits and they just fucking never got the show they never got this they developed the alcohol problem whatever it was wanted more uh consistent stability and maybe just wanted like income that was yeah there's a lot of that too or they get married and have a child and then the wife is like hey you need to get a regular fucking job this dream is crazy it's killing us you got to be home you know you can't go out in the weekends every weekend and make two hundred dollars it's crazy you know yeah my brother-in-law was rapping and and slinging weed and then they got my my brother-in-law's a white rapper named durte shout out um and he uh my sister when they got married was like yeah you

can't be doing like she didn't shut down the performing but she was like the the drug stuff's got yeah yes not good yeah we got kids like you shouldn't be a drug people shouldn't be coming to the house yeah yeah yeah good advice yeah sound advice from a woman yeah yeah she's no she cleaned them up yeah it's the the the dream of trying to make it in the rap world is probably just as hard if not harder than the dream of trying to make it in comedy right he had a nice little run he closed i let him close out our seattle dr phil live show oh really yeah we did like the neptune up There was like 1,100 seats. My nieces, who'd never get his...

And he rapped? How'd it go? Awesome, he murdered. Is he killer? Is he really good at it? Derte, pull him up. Let me hear it. Tell everybody where you're going to be. You're the man.

Tell everybody how they can find you online. Yeah, on tour right now. Clubs the rest of the year. Last Doctor Phil live at the Wiltern December 16th. I'm doing the Moore Theater in Seattle. First Theater show home in Seattle, December 19th. And then the theater tour, the Who is Me theater tour starts in January, goes through April.

Adam Raycombe.com. Specials, like and subscribe on YouTube where you are right now. Adam Ray Comedy, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok. Are you around tonight? You want to do a set? I'm leaving tonight. I fucking love you, dude.

I fucking love you. I had a feeling you were going to ask, and I have to leave right after this. Did you wait here last night? Yeah. I did, yeah. I didn't know if I should bug you or just Adam. Like, what's...

Oh, just text me. Really? All right. Yeah, yeah. Anytime you're in town, you can do a set. I love you, too. Thanks for having me. It was a lot of fun.

Always. And if anybody's ever seen Adam on Kill Tony, they literally are some of the funniest fucking episodes of all time. Thanks, brother. The Dr. Phil one's fantastic. The Biden one's fantastic. You're really good at it, man. I appreciate me.

Yeah, you called me after the Tony app, which was really cool, man. Like, I thought it was a butt dial. No, no, no. I picked it up, and I was like, hello? That is so good. It was so good. I was dying.

I was like, oh, no. I was watching it going, oh, no. Because it was like so dead on. Did you know what's happening? Did he give you a ad? No, I had no idea. Yeah. I had no idea. Yes. I had no idea. Because you don't go to all of them, right? No. I had no idea that you're going to be Tony.

Shut the fuck up. You're just randomly there for that. I thought he told you and that's why you came. No, no, no. I come to a few. I've come to a bunch. Yeah. But I know that one was awesome. It was awesome. To the man, Joe. Appreciate you, brother. All right. Bye, everybody. See you guys. I don't know.