The Joe Rogan Experience - #2429 - Tom Segura

Episode Date: December 23, 2025

Tom Segura is a comedian, actor, and author. He co-hosts “Your Mom’s House” with his wife, comedian Christina Pazsitzky, and “Two Bears, One Cave” with comedian Bert Kreischer. His new special, “Tom Segura: Teacher,” premieres December 24 on Netflix.www.tomsegura.comwww.ymhstudios.comwww.netflix.com/title/81605925 Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Don’t miss out on all the action - Download the DraftKings app today! Sign-up at https://dkng.co/rogan or with my promo code ROGAN GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). Pass-thru of per wager tax may apply in IL. 1 per new customer. Must register new account to receive reward Token. Must select Token BEFORE placing min. $5 bet to receive $200 in Bonus Bets if your bet wins. Min. -500 odds req. Token and Bonus Bets are single-use and non-withdrawable. Token expires 1/11/26. Bonus Bets expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: sportsbook.draftkings.com/promos. Ends 1/4/26 at 11:59 PM ET. Sponsored by DK. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Is that hat your croissant with croissant company? Bro, those croissons are a real fucking problem. They're the shit, aren't they? I was going to eat one bite. This is what's left.

I was like, I'll have a bite. They're so good, man. Too buttery. How can a guy lose as much weight as you lost and then open up a fucking bakery? Because I started with them when I was so fat. perfect like I fell in love with that place when I was close to my fattest and I was like this is a match made in heaven how big were you when you were your fattest the most I ever weighed was 265 holy shit yeah and what do you now 187 that's insane yeah so it's like what 80 pounds

what does that feel like on your joints feels great I feel so much better I feel so much better I'm lifting four days a week wow yeah I just I lifted this morning do you have a trainer do you go on solo no yeah meets me there every day or every day that I do you do that you do that for own ability you know I just realized that I mean I've trained enough now where I can I can do a good workout on my own but I always feel like I it's never as good as when he's there it's always you know I mean like it's always a little bit harder and I always feel like it's a better workout when he's there yeah yeah he pushes me Sean so you've been with him for a while I've been with him for yeah for years the other difference the big difference is that I've been I dialed in

Not with croissants, but I've dialed in my nutrition a lot more. Like, I eat four times a day now, and I'm on top of my macros. You know what I mean? Things I've never done before. Why do you eat four times a day? This nutritionist just gave me this plan, and I've been just doing it. Interesting. Yeah.

So I eat 50 grams of protein at each of those four, you know, four different meals. Okay. So I end up getting 200 grams. So you do smaller meals that are lower in calories but high in protein? Yeah. Yep. And then I also, I carb cycle. So, like, I know on a, and like, today was legs, I know that it's a more intense workout.

I'll do the full portions of these carbs, right, which sometimes the sweet potatoes or white rice. But on a day, if I'm, like, if it's a rest day or I'm doing, like, less intense workout, I'll dial back how much of those carbs I eat. Hmm. Do you take a pre-workout? I have a pre-workout meal. every time so like in the morning i get i've been getting up at five 30 so i i get what yeah what the fuck are you doing man i mean because i've been in the writer's room on my on season two of bad thoughts so i've been i've been getting up at 530 and my pre-workout meal are these like i guess

it's like musili kind of like grains you know with um with some honey a little bit of almond butter and then I have Greek yogurt with a scoop of way protein so that's my pre-workout and after that I go to the gym and then during the workout I sometimes have a like

an intra workout shake. Sometimes I just yeah yeah. Wow. But I mean I feel much better doing it that way. I do and then I eat again about an hour after that workout so that's my second meal then a few hours later is three and then my fourth one is like around six so you have your second meal by the time it's like 8 a.m.

Maybe like 9.30 yeah that's so crazy yeah what time you go to bed at night well that's that's the key to this whole fucking thing that's the key to the whole thing is that you go to do this I got to do this and to do that I got to do that to do that I got to get up early and the only way I can get up early is by staying on top of when I go to bed you know when we met I was going to bed at three o'clock in the morning normal stuff yeah and I'd be get up up at like 11. Yeah, like a normal person. Like a normal person.

And then I would say in the last decade, a lot of my bedtime kind of shifted to like around midnight. And then it shifted to like a little bit like closer to 11. In the last few months like sticking to this plan, I've started to go to bed sometimes at like 10, 10.30, which for me is like very early. You know, it's very hard. It's the biggest challenge for me has been to get to bed.

That's hard for me. That's hard. That would be hard. But I also, I don't think I'm going to be getting up at 5.30 forever. This is just writer's room stuff. This is just riders' room stuff. Normally you get up, what, eight? Seven?

Yeah, between seven and eight. That's reasonable. And I don't have to go to bed at 10 to do that. Yeah. When my kids are in school, I get up at 7-ish. And then, yeah, usually between 7 and 7, 15, depending on when they have to leave. And then when they're not in school, like right now, today, I got up at eight, which is pretty normal.

Eight feels good. I got up around 7.30 today. If I don't work out first thing in the morning, though, it used to be I used to like working out at night because in jiu-jitsu I'd always like doing at night. Morning classes were tough, tough to get in there early and train. And also, you don't feel warmed up and you fucking feel like everything's going to get hurt. Yeah. But nighttime, I can't work out anymore.

I can't do that anymore. I've completely changed in this regard, too busy. I used to say, well, I will say that. like I feel like my strongest between like 11 and 1, like the middle of the day, is when I, if you were like, draw up an ideal strength time, that's when I feel like I'm like, oh, that's when I'm at my best. Why do you think that is? I think I're, you woke up.

Yeah, you woke up. You're fired up. You're warmed up. And you're ready to go. And I feel like, and I feel good. But I've pivoted to now really enjoying these first thing in the morning workouts where I feel like my whole day is set when I have those workouts. And I also realize that if I don't.

I feel so much different throughout that day. Right. That's a good factor. One, you get that first big win in the morning. Yeah. You got it done. You got good momentum going. But also, you're more calm.

Yeah. That's the big one. That's the big one. And focused, right? When we did that sober October thing, we were all doing crazy cardio. One thing you said to me that really rang true is like it totally silences all that internal chatter. Yeah, it does. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think one thing about the writer's room is that, you know, you have to be alert. You have to be focused. You can't have all this shit like the noise going on. So it was a great way to show up to the room is like you have that win. You've done something hard and now I'm ready to work. Yeah. For me, it's not just a hard workout, but generally has to have some cardio in it. Really? Yeah. Cardio is what really shuts off all the chatter. It is different than the weightlifting. Yeah, weight lifting is great. Weight lifting makes you feel better. Like, you feel like energized.

You feel like, ooh, I feel good. But cardio is like, I don't give a fuck. Yeah. Like when I have a really hard cardio session, it's like, I don't go to fuck. I don't go to fuck, what's going on. Everything's fine. I noticed the difference between, because I was doing 45-minute cardio sessions, and when I upped it to an hour, the 15-minute difference for me felt like another hour.

Like pushing it 15 more minutes was. oh yeah really hard well that's when it's hardest when you're tired already yeah you know when you're extending your cardio capability that's that's fucking hard man that's hard it's so important it's so important to do oh yeah it's everything we want to wonder why so many people are out of their fucking minds that's a big part of it they don't work hard i got so obsessed with some of these this like these data and metrics about this you know yeah just like that becomes a problem yeah well i don't mean like that like i have to but like the just the data that people are talking about as people age of like if you're not lifting and your

bone density goes down or like your VO2 Mac like learning about that stuff and going like if you don't start thinking about that at a certain age one day it will be like so out of your grasp I was just having this conversation with Shane Gillis I was like you have to realize like 20 years goes by so fast because I'm 20 years old than him I'm like 20 years ago I you Like, that happened, it was yesterday. Yeah. And all of a sudden, I'm 58. And 20 years from now, I'm 78.

That's dead. Yeah. Like, that's almost dead. Yeah. Like, and you can either be almost dead and look like RFK Jr. Or you could be almost dead and look like Trump. Yeah. It's kind of the same thing.

Yeah. They're in the same neighborhood. And you have a choice. Trump's only seven or eight years older than RFK Jr. He doesn't look like it. No. Yeah. And that guy did heroin for...

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Just go to Squarespace.com slash Rogan for a free trial. and when you are ready to launch, use the code Rogan to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. 14 fucking years. Who did? RFK Jr. He did heroin? Oh, yeah.

After his dad was assassinated. He was a heroin addict? Yeah. No shit. Yeah. When he was young. People give him a hard time about it. Like, hey, yo, his fucking dad got shot in front of him.

His dad who was running for president got assassinated. Yeah, that's how old. When he was a little kid. come on you wouldn't do heroin you have no idea what you would do and his uncle got shot in the head in front of the whole world yeah i mean well not in front of the whole world it wasn't in front of the whole world until several years later but he looks incredible he looks great yeah you did uh 20 chin-ups in a row i saw that at 70 whatever the fuck he is that's very impressive that's insane yeah yeah yeah modern science for the win yeah now you yeah i mean yeah i think about

it all the time i i i think the same way 20 years goes by real like that yeah it's So fast, dude, before you know it. It's like, like, there's guys that, like, never got going with their life or they got distracted with stupid shit and they never really, like, focused on whatever it is they do, what their career is. And then you see them 20 years later, they're in their late 40s and they're fucking scrambling and depressed and... I'm friends with so many of them, dude. Oh, it's a problem. I'm friends with so many of them. Yeah.

Like, I'm in that age pocket where it's like a lot of my friends are in that, like... They never did anything. Yeah, and they're really, they're really scrambling. Yeah, and they're really desperate. And then they want help, which is like, hey, I can't fucking hold your hand. Exactly. You did this to yourself. Like, you should have paid attention to what we were all doing all those years ago.

It's unnerving, too, when some of them, like, I have friends who are like, you're like, dude, like, we're in our 40s. Yeah. And the thing is, the worst part about it is you realize how much of it is dictated by fear. like they're just scared to do things it's like someone who's scared to step in the gym or something right you're like you're just scared to get your to take that step to do something

scared to be uncomfortable is what it is yeah yeah that's the thing it's like most people are scared to be uncomfortable so they're scared to sit down in front of the computer and write they don't write because they're scared to be I don't the writing thing is the weirdest one fear of the unknown because I don't understand why that's even uncomfortable but it is

I get it it is I avoid it sometimes I come home and I'm like a real should write but I could watch YouTube yeah and then I'll fucking sit in front of the TV I'm like I earned this yeah and then I'll watch YouTube anything to not do it uh-huh you look for distractions the nights that I come home and I write though I always feel way better I feel better going to bed and I feel better good getting up I'm like I did what I was supposed to do yeah yeah yeah everything's going good yeah you're right yeah when I just watch some fucking random YouTube video on ancient history yeah it's like okay why am I falling asleep in two in the morning and forced myself to finish

this fucking hour and 50 minute documentary on Syria. I do it fucking all the time. I'm like, here's another murder doc. I'll just watch this. Oh, I don't watch those. Oh, my God. It's all I watch. Do you know what I found out too?

I found it in the writer's room and I didn't realize this until I talked it out. We were talking about, you know, like, because sometimes you're like, what about this idea? Right. And someone will be like, well, you know, on that episode of like 30 Rock or something. And I'll be like, oh, I never saw that. They go, you never saw 30 Rock? And I'm like, no. And then they go, oh, well, you know, like on The Office.

I never watched The Office. Like, you didn't watch The Office? And then I started talking. I was like, oh, I've never watched any of these shows. And they're like, what? And I go, yeah, I guess I just don't like comedy. And they're like, what are you talking about? I was like, dude, I've never seen The Office, 30 Rock, Sunny, all like the huge comedies of the last 20 years.

I've never seen them. I haven't seen them either. And I'm like, well, I go, my ration. Now, my thinking is not that I don't like comedy. It's that it's like, you know, you, I'm on stage all the time. I'm doing comedy. My friends are comedians. We're talking comedy.

When I get home when I want to watch something, I don't want to watch that. I want to watch something else. That's exactly how I think of it. I want to watch dramas, thrillers. Something's interesting. Yeah, yeah. Stranger things. So I just end up never, and they're like, this is pretty crazy, though.

You're in a room of comedy writers and you've never watched an episode of comedy. I'm like, yeah, I guess that is kind of weird. I watched them when I was on one I'd watch other sitcoms to see what they were doing differently because it was kind of a new thing for me Yeah, that makes sense But after I was off news radio

I swore off sitcoms too But then I did start watching some of them with my family One of them I watched that I really used to shit on And I was wrong It's a big bang theory Really? It's a fucking good show man I mean it was a massive hit I was like how is this stupid show a massive hit

But it was because I had seen clips online that were like retakes that they did without the laugh track. But if you know, if you ever worked on a sitcom, you know what retakes are. Retakes are brutal. Like, you didn't get it right or the writers decided to change something or there's, whatever, for whatever reason, you do a bunch of them after the audience leaves. You know, so I saw those without the laugh track and I was like, what is this? This is not funny.

Yeah. This is terrible. I'm like, what is this like mundane, boring, fucking drone you to sleep? Then I watched the show, the actual show itself. I was like, oh, this is a really well. written sitcom. Yeah. And it's interesting because the main guy's autistic and he's like totally socially retarded. Yeah. And it's funny though. It's, but it's all about nerds. It's like, it's a good show. It's a solid show. Yeah, I mean, something that has that, something that gets

to that popular. Yeah. This has to have something to. But that's like stuff that I watch with my family. Like there's certain shows that I only watch with my family. Really? Yeah, that's one of them. You know what just happened with our kids is, um, they, they, they started, you know, they, they, they had, like, their movies that they always watch. And little kids have just a capacity to rewatch the shit. Oh, yeah. You're like, Jesus Christ.

I watched Frozen like 80 times. Oh, my God. So many fucking times we watch these things. Let it go. We watched Home Alone a fucking 145 times, right? Which is, I think a lot of people do. But then all of a sudden we were like, oh, here's the Simpsons.

And what we did was we started with episode one of the Simpsons. Oh, wow. And what I was so surprised by, because I was taken by just how good the old one like we're watching like season one season two like the really old ones where everything where it took 18 months to produce an episode right you know they had to hand draw everything the the writing and the jokes in them are so good and so funny and you're watching these little dudes like get the jokes and they're and it's really funny I mean it's really good but we start

from the beginning how many episodes is the simpsons still on the air right I think so it's like season fucking 42 or some shit that is so wild and no one gets old no one gets old no Because the characters are just cartoons. And now they can do them timely because of technology. So now they can, like, produce it in a week or something. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. That's crazy.

Because they don't have to hand draw everything. Well, didn't they, like, farm it all out to fucking South America or some shit? Probably, I'm sure. Yeah, I think they did. There's some Indian. I think they taught some Asian people how to draw. How to do it. Yeah.

I mean, there's something also that, like, you appreciate about the old animation that's cool. It's clunky. Yeah. It doesn't exist in this. But it's still, it's so funny. Like the first South Park. The first South Park was super clunky. Yeah.

What would Brian Boytano do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they also embraced that it's supposed to look this certain way, right? Like they, that whole thing was like it's, it was, they embrace that like the look is not like slick. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's also you can get away with so much more when it's not even remotely realistic. Yeah.

Like the time that gay teacher stuff Paris Hilton up his ass. Like, how could you do that on any other show? Imagine if you said, we're going to do South Park, but with CGI and real people. They're like, what the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? Kenny's going to die in every episode violently and everyone's going to laugh. Yeah, no, it does, yeah. What?

Is brain splattered all over the concrete? Yeah. Oh, my God, you killed Kenny. You killed Kenny. What? Yeah, it has to be. No, it has to be fake. Fake, yeah.

Yeah, and it has to be fake kids. Totally. Because kids are kind of, they bounce off stuff and they get hurt. It's kind of funny. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they just fucking, they don't get hurt as easy. When they get hurt, it's like not that big a deal. They bang into things, whereas an old person falls in the bathtub.

They break a hip and they're dead in the year. My youngest, like, slow falls all the time. And we're like, what the fuck is going on? And he's never hurt. He's practicing. Yeah, he's just like, and he tumbles. Yeah, well, they're fucking made out of, like, they're flexible. Yeah.

All pliable and shit. Yeah, the way they, even like the way that kid can sit. And you're like, how are your legs doing that, you know? After a while, shit gets stiff. It gets really. Do you ever do any yoga? I did. I haven't in a while.

Well, remember when we did it, that was our first challenge, right? I do. And that was awesome. And then a few, like a year or two ago, I started doing some yoga here. And it was so challenging. I was like, fuck, this is really hard. Was it the same kind or different? Just like, no.

It wasn't a hot yoga. It was just like, you know, you're going through all the positions. I don't know how to even describe it. Poses? Yeah, all the poses. And I was like, man, I was, you know, shaking in, certain poses and I was it was really challenging and I have not done it in a while I probably should do it again was it the same kind of yoga though or the poses

different no the same kind of poses the same kind yeah just not hot hot's the way to go I thought's rad yeah yeah harder it is I remember I did do a hot yoga here in Austin like in July I was like this isn't much different than outside right now and I remember like feeling so relieved when I saw somebody tap out of the room before me I I was like, I can't tap out first. Just watching people and some guys like, I got to get it. I was like, all right, I'm going to get out here in a minute. Holiday football has arrived.

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I remember the first time I did it. I was like, I can't believe how hard this is. I can't believe all these little old ladies are walking into this thing with this rolled up foam mat. And I'm like, you guys think you're working out. Yeah. Meanwhile, they're working out way harder than me. It's incredible.

I was literally getting strangled, and it was easier. I was going to Jiu-Jitsu, and I was getting fucking armbard. And that was easier than going and fucking stretching my feet. feet out with these little old ladies and seeing like how these mother like you'll see somebody who's like physicality is not like that note like they look fit let's say but you're not like holy shit look at this person right right and the way that they're holding themselves up on their hands and their whole body's sitting on on on you know what I mean like their knees are on their elbows

and you're like how fuck are you holding yourself like this yeah and very impressive it's a weird it's a impressive thing that you only know it's impressive when you try to do it this is why I have this theory that everybody should try things like that, Jiu-Jitsu, a boxing class, even if you go one time, just once. Right. To have, just so you have an idea of what you don't know. Right.

You know what I mean? Because like, every dude thinks he can fight. Right. You know, and I'm like, I know my limits so much in that regard because I've been in classes. I've done classes. So I know so much, I'm not an expert, but I know how much I don't know.

You know what I mean? Like, I've rolled on, I've done jujitsu classes. I've done boxing classes. And I'm like, oh, these guys can fucking kill me. But you don't know that before you do it. Right. You don't know how hard that shit is. Yeah.

You don't know. I mean, like, boxing is a funny one because people think they're like, I can throw a punch. You're like, you don't even have the fundamentals of how to throw a punch. You don't even know how to throw a punch technically. Not only that. How many can you throw before you're totally exhausted? Yeah. The exhaustion is a, is a, you know.

is real crazy. How many you got in your tank? You got 10? 10 punches? A lot of people, like, throw, they throw haymakers and they think they're throwing up. You're like, that's not even a punch, you know? Well, it is if it lands.

I guess, but it's not like, it's definitely not a punch that would really have that much of an unaffect on somebody who knows what they're doing. Right. I mean, you could probably land that on someone who also doesn't fight. You can land a lot of things on people

if they don't know you're going to punch them. Yeah. That's why sucker punches work. Yeah. Whenever I, when I used to teach martial arts, one of the first things I would tell people is you have to realize that action is so much faster than reaction. So the reason why a sucker punch works is because you have no idea that this person is going to do it.

And then by the time they're doing it, it's too late. It's too late for you. You don't react in time. That's why people get punched like that. I'm like, you can't ever let anybody get close enough. You can't ever let anybody that's threatening you get into a position where you think, like you think that they can hit you and you don't know it's coming. Right. Because it can happen too fast.

So that's why you got to, you have to have your awareness to, uh, that somebody approaching you was already a threat 100% yeah like remember the time I got in that stupid thing on Fear Factor yes

that guy that was 100% my thought process so like this guy could punch me in any second yeah so you have to act yeah I had to grab them but it was one of those moments where I was like

this is a very angry person that's already irrational what's most irrational sucker punching the host yeah and also this is like you gotta think of reality TV what is everyone trying to do everyone's trying to go viral

They're all trying to have a clip that gets played over and over again. They're all trying to get everybody to watch the show. So they're all acting in the most outrageous way possible. I think it's like between that and social media, it's been like poison in our civility, in our culture. The way people communicate, the way people view, like, famous people is totally different now. Because you used to be famous because you were Amy Winehouse. Like, oh, I love your music. Now it's, you're just famous for whatever the fuck reason.

You could be famous for just acting a fool, like just being a complete dip shit. Yeah, being some guy who's famous for stealing people's hats. Yeah. Just run up and grab people's hats everywhere. That's your TikTok. Or, yeah, you go up to people and, like, you whisper in their ear when they're at a home depot. And people go, hey, and you're like, what the fuck? Did you see what Andre Arlowski got into it with these fucking influencers?

I bet they didn't know who he is. Yes, I did see a clip of that. Yeah, I bet they didn't know who he is. They started fucking with former UFC heavyweight champion, Andre Arloff. Arlofsky. Yeah, not a good move. First of all, he's fucking gigantic. Yeah.

And he's one of the baddest motherfuckers ever. Yeah. That guy just recently retired from the UFC. Yeah. Or was released, I should say. He's not even done fighting. He started fighting. He won the UFC title, I think, in 2005.

Yeah. That's 20 fucking years ago. Uh-huh. And the guy was still beating people that are like elite fighters just a few years ago. And that's how you go pick up? You're going to pick on that guy. Good luck. I think he beat Travis Brown in like 2016 or 17.

Travis Brown was super legit, real dangerous. Yeah. Arlofsky was a bad motherfucker, dude. I went to a Travis Brown fight once with you. Travis Brown was a bad motherfucker. Travis Brown completely changed the way people look at the clinch because he elbowed so many people into oblivion. If you got a hold of a single on that guy and your head was right there or a double,

anything where you're trying to take him down. against the cage and your head is right there that fucking dude boom yeah he we literally called them Travis Brown elbows there because everybody does it but Travis Brown did it better than anybody that in those those forearm shots that people take or you're like oh yeah it's brutal it's such a brutal sport it's it's so crazy that is so fucking crazy yeah I would not fuck with somebody I mean I don't fuck with anybody but like if I saw that guy be the last guy I'd be like oh so many people out there in the world now

know how to fight when I was a kid almost no one knew how to fight there was like wrestlers never fuck with wrestlers and there was like oh the guy he's golden gloves boxer oh don't fuck with yeah like everybody knew who you couldn't couldn't fuck with now now everybody knows something and kids they learn just by what they'll watch a charles olivera fight and they'll practice in their fucking living room and next thing you know they they know how to do a real triangle yeah like you can watch a lot of shit on YouTube videos and learn without even taking classes when kids are like learning yeah some athletic kids Like a kid that maybe he's really good at baseball, really good at soccer or something like that.

You could teach him some moves pretty quick, and he's going to know how to deliver it. My oldest does it twice a week, and he's been, he's an athletic kid. He's got some proficiency, and he keeps moving up, you know. He's going to kill you. Well, you're going to have to start taking classes. We also start, we fuck around because they're two little boys. This dude will immediately, like, go, just put me in an arm bar, and I'm like, yo. And I'm like, and the only thing that, like, saves me.

is that I'm still so much bigger, you know, and stronger, but I'm like... You might have to start taking classes or he's not going to listen. The clock is ticking. When he's like 16 or 17... Oh, no, no, no, yeah. That would be a real problem. Well, that's also a weird problem, too, because all of a sudden you can do things to men. Like, I remember thinking that when I was like 16, 16 and 70 when I was competing.

Yeah. All of a sudden, I could beat men up. I was like, this is crazy. Yeah. This is weird. Yeah, I have the skills. All my life, men were terrifying. Like, men were, men get angry, men'll hit you.

Run, run from the men. And now I'm like, how fuck this grown-ass man up? It was crazy. It was a crazy transition. I can see his wheels turning, dude. Right. So he's going to know he can do it now, so he's going to want to do it. Come on, dad.

Yeah. Go on, dad. What are you going to do, dad? Yeah. Like, you're fucking grounded. Fuck you. I'm not grounded. I'll choke you out.

Like, what? I know. And you're in the fucking hallway. You can't even get away. Yeah. And he's 17 now. He probably weighs a buck 80. and they kind of ripped he's got abs you get embarrassed oh yeah they called us and they're like hey he's really good

they're like he's he's he's really got a skill at this well jihitsu is athleticism is massive but also intelligence it's hard to be dumb and get really good at jiu jitsu he's a smart kid the other thing that's very different and i think you see this when you have when you have more than one especially you know you have two kids or more you start to see that like oh some qualities in people's personalities are innate qualities, right? Yes. Like you just, especially because, you know, you have your one, you're like, oh, this is what every, this is what a kid's like.

And then you're like, oh, the other kid's not like this. They have these other qualities. Right. And one thing about him that you just pick up on by being his parent is he's like, he's very competitive, very, very competitive. And so he's intelligent, he's competitive, and he's athletic. And so you go like, oh, yeah, he's, he's just very driven, you know. But he should probably compete.

Because when you're young, if you learn how to compete when you're young, oh my God, it has so many benefits for the rest of your life because it's so scary and then you overcome it. And if you could become successful at it, you kind of feel like you could be successful at anything. Yeah. Because you've been successful at something that's scary. Yeah, exactly.

Get them in tournaments, man. He got into running. Oh, boy. So, like, a couple years ago, I was getting ready. We were going to do a 5K, and I was way out of shape. I was like, I got to start running. So the first thing I did is I ran a mile. And he tried to run with, I mean, he was like, you know, let's say like seven years old or something.

And I ran the mile in like, I don't know, 9.30. I mean, I was dying, right? I was like, fuck it out. Oh, my God. He couldn't quite keep up with me in this one mile run. He's a seven-year-old kid. This year, he ran two miles in 1238. Whoa.

So he ran six and changed miles. Because he didn't like the fact that he wasn't good at running? He just, fuck. And he would get up and be like. I'm going to go train. I'm like, okay. Oh, Jesus Christ, you got a psycho. He's a psycho.

He's a psycho. He's running up hills and shit. And I was, he's like, come with me. And so, like, I have an adult with me. He's just running up and down this hill over and over and over. Yeah, he's like very, but it's self, it's not me going. Right. You got to go run.

Right. It's inside his head. It's in his head. Wow. Yeah. If I was a coach, I'd be like, get that kid young. Yeah. Grab them.

Grab them. That's what we want. Yeah. What you want is an intelligent psycho. Mm-hmm. You know, intelligent, driven, hyper-competitive psycho. Hyper-competitive. The other kid, my youngest, will walk up a fly to stairs.

He goes, my legs hurt. I'm like, what? He goes, I want to go rest. I'm like, we just walked up a fucking fly-to-stairs. He's like, I know, but my legs are killing me. Like, it's completely different. It's so funny that that is such the case. Yeah.

It's such the case. It's interesting because there is this thought of, like, what a personality is. Like, where does it all come from? It's like a combination of so many different things. It's a combination. of nature, nurture, genetics. It's everything, you're right. And it's also being exposed to things

that bring that out of you. Yes. You know what I mean? Like imagine if he had never been exposed to the running, never done jujitsu, never done anything. Then what happens to that? Yeah. The other kid, he's like you could tell he has

he has, he has like a comedian's mindset. Because he's a complainer. You know, like every like funny person complains. Oh yeah. Like the other day I was in the writer's room and I ate something that I was like in the writer's room but I was my stomach was like fucking me up all day I was on the toilet I was like it was like brutal to get through the day so I get home and I I he's in my room watching TV and I lay down I go hey can you turn that off because like I want to rest like my stomach is bothering me and he goes oh you want to snooze at what is he seven He goes, you want to snooze?

He goes, I almost fucking threw up today. And I go, what? He goes, yeah, my stomach's my body. I go, dude, I've been on the toilet for like three hours. Please. And he goes, all right, why don't you have your little snooze? I'll go out here. He's like very animated, you know?

That's hilarious. And then he saw me wear a suit. This is insane. He saw me wear a suit. And I'm like walking out of the house. And he goes, hey, I go, I go, what? He goes, where's my suit? And I go, what?

What? And then I'm not kidding you. He goes, I look like a fucking asshole. I go, what are you talking about? He goes, you're in a suit. I look like an asshole. He goes, get me a suit. And I go, oh my God.

You don't need a suit. And he goes, yes, I do. Why do you get to look like that? I look like a fucking asshole. And I was like, all right, bro. He's always, you know what I mean? He's always like complaining. That's hilarious.

And it's just funny because we're like. That would be an amazing sitcom scene. I know. If you had a kid like that? I look like a fucking asshole That would be an amazing scene We call him Joe Pesci Because he's always talking like that

He's always bothered You know he's always hot And you're like this is not a big deal man He's like yes it is That's hilarious Like yeah he's just fired up about shit That's hilarious But that's also in him

Right I mean It's part of his personality Yeah It's weird It's like kids get something from you Right They get some genetics And then they kind of get whatever that gift the universe gives.

Totally. Whereas like that kid's not like either one of us. Like where'd you come from? Christina thinks that he, she's like, every time he's like fired up about something. I'm like, look at this kid. She goes, that is you. You just fucking you. I'm like, no.

And she goes, yes. Well, you have a little of that in you. Yeah. You definitely do. I remember one of the most impressive things about our sober October thing was you got the flu. And so you were out of it for like a couple of days. Yeah. And so the moment you got back where you felt good, you ran like 15 miles.

In a day. Yeah, yeah. Bro, we were all going nuts. Yeah, because I was like, I can't be like dead, dead last. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, I just can't. I was in the gym at the old studio with Ari. And Ari, he's like, can I use your gym?

I'm like, of course. He's like, after the podcast, I'm going to work out. I've got to get my numbers in. And so I was hanging out with him while he was rowing. And he's got a fucking six pack. Yeah. I was like, this is crazy. I go, Ari, you have a six pack now.

I go, you're ripped. I go, you look great. He's like, oh, thanks. And he was just fucking rowing. He rode for a full hour, man. With a chest trap on, like racking up his numbers. There was the same voice in his head going, don't be dead last. Because we all knew your crazy ass was going, like, totally psycho.

So we were just like, we can't be dead last of the rest of us. Arr was trying to beat me. Yeah. 100%. I know he was. Yeah, but you were like pissing blood. We were like, oh, this guy. This guy is a little too crazy.

Well, I decided one day to just, like, take it to, like, the, I wanted to see, like, what can I do? That was the day I did seven hours of cardio. I think. I'd set off my alarm in my gym from my sweat. Jesus. I set off the fire alarm. From just being so hot. Yeah, there's a video of it.

It's a video on Instagram of the puddles on the ground are the most preposterous thing. I sweat puddles. I think your wife, too, right? Because my, you can't do this anymore. She was like, what are you doing? Like you're not spending any time with your family. You're just, like, so obsessed with this thing. It's like I, um, I re-met an old friend.

Yeah. That's what it was like for me. It was like, oh, I forgot that guy's in there. Yeah. I don't necessarily like that guy. Yeah. He scares me. It's like, I don't like something.

It scares me not, not, not being dramatic. This is what it is. That that could derail your life. So you could, that obsession could take over again with something, with anything, and then I won't be doing anything but that thing. Like, it's one of the reasons why I like to do a lot of stuff. It's because I don't want

one obsession. Yeah, I don't want that one, that brain to focus on, it's not good for mental health. It's really good for success. Like, if you're really going to get really good at one thing, that's the thing. But for overall happiness, I don't find that to be appealing. I don't like

that feeling. Like, that sober October feeling was kind of crazy. This is kind of why, like, I feel like I I'm trying to embrace a lifestyle that's not, that's accessible but not dramatic. Like, I could go and go, I'm going to do, you know, two and a half hours at the gym every day. Right. And I'm sure my results would show. Right.

I want to look like Iron Man or whoever. But my problem is like, it's like not, that doesn't feel like, I'm going to run out at some point, be like, this is unsustainable. So I'd rather. It's going to take from your other things. Yeah, exactly. I got to do it where like, I'll do. an hour and change, you know, of training and then try to dial in eating and, like, that's, that's, you can keep that. Yes. That's sustainable. Right. Exactly. Yeah. But it's like, what do you try, it depends on what you're trying to do. So like we both have families. We both have a lot, you know, there's a lot of people in our lives. You can't just be a maniac and focus on one thing. You can't. 10 hours. Like Gordon Ryan, that's his Abu Dhabi belt up there. Oh, yeah. That guy trains 365 days a year. Yeah.

He doesn't take, fuck you for Christmas, fuck you for your birthday. Oh, it's Easter. Fuck you. Yeah. Well, that's how he became the best of all time. Like, if you really want to do something. That's the sacrifice. But he doesn't have kids.

He's not married. He's only, you know, now he's 30. But he did all this when he was in his mid-20s. That's also the age to be that obsessed with something. Exactly. Especially if you want to do this one thing that everybody else is working really hard, too. You've got to figure out how to separate yourself. And it's like if you're running an ultramarathon,

and you have 200 miles to run and you take time and you're running and you're running at a really good pace maybe even a faster pace than other people but then you take naps you take a nap for an hour or two hours or three hours and then you say look it'll be better this way and then I'll be revived I'm still really ahead that guy who's not going to take any naps is going to beat you yeah because he's just going to keep running he's going to keep running and before you know a lot of these ultras like the guy who wins they win by like 10 hours they win by nuddy Courtney DeWalter, the lady who was on our podcast once, she ran the Bigfoot 240, I think. And I think she was like eight hours ahead of the second place person.

I kind of don't understand the mentality that the ultra people have. Oh, it's dark. Yeah, I'm like, I don't get it. It's dark. How do you actually get there? Well, you have to be a complete nut. And then you have to want to test yourself to the point of almost death because that's what these people are doing. They're running like Goggins

He ran one of these fucking things Got Rabdo So rabdomylosis was when you worked out Too hard, your body can't recover And you start pissing brown Real bad your kidneys are breaking down He had to go to the hospital Went to the hospital

Got out of the hospital Completed the race And then he did like 100 push-ups He's fucking Like there's He's like He's getting to the door of death Yeah

Just the door And that's how he feels normal. Yeah, he feels alive by, like, getting his body to, and he's 50, by the way. Fucking crazy. Yeah, he's a maniac. Did you watch, by the way? Did you watch the Anthony Joshua Jake Paul? I did.

Of course I did. Yeah. I would have guessed. Yeah, I had to watch it. It's a spectacle. Yeah. Look, that guy did great for someone who's been boxing for, like, less than a decade. He has had no real.

professional opponents other than Tommy Fury that were legitimate world-class boxers. I don't even remember what happened in the Tommy. He lost a close decision, but it was a good fight. It was a good fight, though. He's a good boxer. If he wasn't a YouTuber, people would be way more impressed with him. The problem is he was like a famous kid,

and then no one took him seriously. Yeah. But... Oh, then he started, too, with, like, more spectacle-ish fights. People were like, oh, this is your... He fought, you know, Nate Robinson, like a basketball... Yeah. but the thing is he knocked Nate Robinson dead and it's the way he did it that I was trying to tell people I'm like no no no that was skillful so like there's there's like boxing matches where you see two guys just slugging it out one guy lands a punch and yeah he landed a good punch what Jake did is he slid back and landed a punch yeah it's like the athleticism along with the intelligence the technique I'm like he's not even doing it that long and he's also hyper competitive even though he's wealthy you know like you would assume that wealth would

take away your drive for competition. He's also nuts, right? Just the fact that he's willing to fight the two-time heavyweight champion. Former Olympic gold medalist. Yeah. A guy was gigantic in his pride. Built like a Greek god.

Yeah. And you're going to stand, and he's a one-punch killer. And you're going to stand in front of that guy. And he avoided shots till the sixth run. He just started getting tired. Yeah. His movement in that fight was crazy.

It was very good. Yeah. It was very good. He was really keeping him moving around the whole ring. You can't afford to get tired. You can't get tired. That's the thing is, like, he gets tired in a lot of his fights in the later rounds. You should really sort that out.

Because if he had a much bigger gas tank, like, if he was training with, like, some of these elite world-class strength and conditioning coaches and just worked on his cardio, he'd be beating way more guys. You think so? Yeah, 100%. But it's like, what he's doing is learning how to box, and he's boxing, and he's training hard, for sure. But to get that world-class gas tank, you need like a Sam Calavita. You need like a Nick Curse on. You need like these pliometrics experts that have got heart rate monitors on you.

And they're checking when your recovery is ready and go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need guys monitoring your recovery, monitoring your heart rate variability, your V-O-2 max. I couldn't believe. I don't know. Maybe he is. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he is doing that.

But whatever it is, it's not. It's not enough. It's not enough. Yeah. Because in so many of his fights, like the Nate Diaz fight, he gets tired in the later rounds. In the beginning, look, if that guy is only fighting three rounds, he's a fucking handful. Yeah. He's really good.

Yeah. He clocked Anthony Joshua. He did hit him with a big right hand. He did. Didn't have any effect. Yeah. Because he's, you know, really, he weighed 216, but he doesn't even have abs right at 216. He could easily weigh 190.

I'm sure he could make 190. Yeah. Anthony Joshua's gigantic. So big. He's so big. He's so much bigger. So, of course, like, his punch that he knocks Tyron Woodley out cold with, Joshua just eats it. Yeah.

Because he's a giant. Yeah. He's a fucking giant man. He's so big, dude. He's so big. I give Jake so much credit for stepping into that ring. Bro, he got hit with a bomb, a right-hand bomb. When he got hit with that, too, I don't know if enough has been made of the fact that, I mean, it was absolutely devastating.

But the fact that he had awareness immediately to go like, like he looked at the crowd like, oh shit, like, wow. It wasn't like, yeah. I think he went into that fight knowing that was probably going to happen. And ultimately, the big win for him would be that he was even willing to do it and that he could do well for a little bit. For a little bit. Yeah. And then eventually just deal with the fact that Anthony Joshua is going to connect with a bomb and breaks his jaw in two places. Yeah.

And he's fucked. jaws wired shut now he lost teeth see I mean he made it to the six round yeah pretty wild do they put your teeth back in when they pop out like that or are they gone forever I don't know I don't know but it's just wired shut for like six weeks now yeah you gotta eat nothing

but protein chicks bro oh it's a I mean look it's a crazy world the thing is that I would hope that he recognizes is right now he's doing great and he's only whatever he is 28 I think is he 28 I think he is how old is uh Jake

Paul. He's young. God. And he's probably made 300 million plus in his boxing career. How old is Jake Paul? He'll be 29. Look at that. So he's 28 years old, 29 next month. Don't do this very long because there's a price that you pay that is not worth it. It's not worth it. And that price is depression, deep depression, a severe brain imbalance that's going to lead you to addiction. It leads so many people to impulsive behavior, so many people become gambling addicts, drug addicts, alcoholics, after their fighting career. Yeah.

It's, it's, you could only take so much. And at a certain, like that one that he got from Joshua, ooh, you know, say if you have like a punch card, you have like so many punch that you can get in your life, which I believe you do. I believe there's a certain number. That one was like 10 bunches. Yeah, that was a lot of concussions in that one punch.

Sure. That was real damage. Like if someone's breaking your jaw, in two places the inside of your fucking head is there's a lot of damage going on in there too fuck yeah just don't do it for i know too many guys that like they wanted to be cool guys and they kept sparring like deep into their 30s and 40s they would go to the gym and do hard sparring not jujitsu boxing boxing sparring so they're just standing in front of each other slugging it out they get bloody noses they'd laugh about it and think it was cool and then they

go about their day and i'm like man that's gonna get you because at a certain point in time that fucking depression is unavoidable it just creeps it you just every you just oh you don't feel good you just don't feel good

like you're just like all the time just oh their whole day is like oh yeah no thanks you know that feeling

when you're hung over that's their life that's no there's no way to live and it varies some guys don't get that and he definitely doesn't have to do that

so don't anymore if he could do anything that guy can do anything if he could do what he did in boxing he could do anything just don't do it Yeah.

It's just one of them things where it's like the price you pay is eventually not worth it. Yeah. Awesome that he did. I mean, awesome that he made, he probably made $100 million Saturday night. Jesus Christ, that's so much. I don't know what he got paid, but also it's probably worth another 100 million in publicity. Easily. Because people loved watching him get knocked out.

They did. But also I had to say, that guy has fucking balls. And he does. He earned it. He earned it. If he doesn't have your respect after that fight, because a lot of people like, oh, you're going to fight Javante Davis. He's only 135 pounds. He's like, okay, I'll fight a guy 110 pounds bigger.

So you could not pay me enough to do that. Guys got balls. He's got nothing but respect for me. Yeah. Nothing but respect. Just don't do it forever. There comes a time where the cost is not worth it because some people never return. That's what you have to understand.

There's people that get out, like if you listen to. in a Randy Couture talk now. It talks fine. He's great. He was knocked out a bunch of times. Chuck Liddell knocked him out. They knew when to dip out. They knew when to dip out. And, you know, Randy also, like, really didn't even begin his UFC career until his late 30s.

If I'm correct, he was at 35, it might have been 34 or 35 when he had his first UFC fight. I was there. That was in, like, fucking the middle of nowhere in the South. That's pretty old, right? Oh, yeah. Well, he was an elite wrestler. He was an elite Greco-Roman wrestler and then he got into MMA late in life. Back in the time, the days when you'd be able to wear shoes. They used to wear wrestling shoes. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow. The early days used to be able to wear shoes. Um, but like, he's, he's fine. There's a bunch of guys that are still fine, but there's a bunch of guys that are really struggling, really struggling. Don't get there. Don't get there.

Scary. Dip out before that happened. It's real scary. No, know when to dip out and have friends that tell you when to dip out. You have a coach that doesn't say, well, let's give it one more shot. Yeah. Like, don't, that's not, you only want to be doing that if you're trying to be the best in the world. That's my opinion. I mean, there's a lot of guys who are never going to be the best in the world, and they still love competing. But, and that's great, too. And there's a lot of guys that make a living doing it, and they make good money, and, you know, and they feed their families.

And I'm not saying, but if you have an option, I don't think you should do unless you're a fucking complete maniac. absolutely obsessed. You want to do it more than you want to do anything else in life, because if you don't feel like that, there's a guy out there that does, and that guy's going to fuck you up. That guy's going to come and take your soul away from you. I always think of Mike Tyson when he was 20. I was like, if you're not that dedicated, you shouldn't be fighting because Mike Tyson is not one person. There's a bunch of those guys out there. There's Alex Pereira. There's all these guys out there in the world that are that obsessed. You know, There's all these Islam Makachevs and Ilya Tuporias.

There's these guys out there in the world that are just driven. To do it. And if you want to fight, if you really want to fight, if you run into one of those guys and you're not doing what they're doing, you're going to get tuned up. Alex, I didn't realize how big he is. Giant. I did not realize that until the photo of him next to somebody I know, like a friend of when I was like... There's a lot of chatter about him fighting in the heavyweight division now.

Really? There's a lot of chatter about it. There's a lot of chatter about him, perhaps, even fighting Cyril Gone. I don't know how much of this is true. I haven't talked to Dana about it, but it's not an illogical move. He's 240 pounds right now. 240 plus. And he's like, what, 6, 4, 6.5, 6, 4, 6.5.

And don't make no mistake about it. That guy can knock out heavyweights. No doubt about it. He hits harder than anyone they've ever recorded ever on that fucking stupid punch machine. Yeah. You know that thing? Yeah. Francis and Ghana who got like a 129.

on it which is crazy he got a 190 190 190 when you watch him hit it you're like what the fuck what you want to see it you should just see it just to feel what it would feel like to get hit in the head by that oh my god like that guy he's out there in the world yeah you know what I'm saying like if you think you're going to be a journeyman and you're going to all the sudden you know be looking across the octagon and that guy standing there trauma like he's going to hunt you he's going to hunt you and you you're not in that space that he's in he's in a killer be killed space and you're in a this is fun to compete yeah it's not the same thing not the same thing watch this video because it's fucking bananas when he when he hits it you just

go everybody around him goes oh like what the fuck they see watch this oh oh oh my gosh See that? One more time, one more time. Well, you do it in the beginning? That, if you don't, the sound is so crazy. Yeah, that's your face. You know what, Mark Goddard?

Mark Goddard was the referee in his fight with Khalil Roundtree, and he came up to me right after the fight. Like, I got into the Ockon. They were going to announce Alex Pereira, winner by knockout. Goddard walks up to me, he goes, the sound that guy makes.

He goes, I've been doing this for 20 years. was the sound is ungodly. Really? It's ungodly. It's different. And you can see when you're hearing, doing commentary, you see the look on the guy's faces. When they get hit, they're like, oh, this is real.

This is different. Yeah. There's some different dudes out there, man. There's some different dudes out there. And that's a different, not just of dedication and drive and focus, because he definitely has all that, but it's genetics. That dude is a legitimate Amazon warrior. Yeah.

Like he comes from a tribe in the Amazon. And he goes back to that tribe and he gets, he puts on the traditional outfits that they wear and the face paint and hangs out with them. And it's like, yo. He would have been the fucking tribal warlord. He would have been the king back. Yeah. I mean, that's his, that's his ancestry. Fuck me.

Yeah, he speaks to their language. Oh, he does like the dialect. I think. I don't want to misspeak, but I'm pretty sure he understands what they're saying because he's talking to them. Not just Portuguese. Yeah. Yeah. That whole Amazon area is so fascinating, man.

Have you been to the Amazon? No. I went once. Really? Yeah. What'd you do? My uncle was working for an oil company in Peru, and there's a part of Peru called Ikitos in the north, which is the jungle.

And I went with him, and we went out on the Amazon, and then we pulled up to some place, and he's like, we're going to eat here, right? And it's not like fucking Terry Blacks, right? It's just like some fucking... A shack. And the guy just kept bringing out. I was like, what am I eating? He was like, I'll tell you later.

Piranha. It was all kinds of weird shit. What are we eating? I mean, snakes and brabets and, you know, like Amazonian shit that I've never even heard of. And I would take bites and like, what is this? Later, I'll tell you later. I'm like, okay. They made me eat all this stuff.

And I was like, this is fucking crazy. But when you're out there, yeah, you are kind of wowed. You know, you're just in awe of everything around you. And like, just the fact that this. is on the planet with us and you know you can make a trek to a place like this where there's species of not just animals flowers and trees and things that don't exist anywhere else and it's so rich with everything that's there it's an awe-inspiring kind of thing it hasn't even been documented i mean there's so many pharmaceutical drugs that come from plants they find in

the amazon it's wild it's crazy it's such a crazy place you know the craziest part about it the density of the amazon rainforest is essentially man-made man-made man-made man-man-made man-man Man made. Man made. Yeah. They didn't know that until fairly recently. Those are agriculture plants that grew out of control. And they constantly, but they'll find, you know, they'll find like a species of a bird and they'll be like, this is the only place we've ever seen this bird. It doesn't exist anywhere else on the planet. It all used to be populated too. That's what's really crazy. Yeah. Have you seen that LiDAR stuff they do? Yes. And they find all these ancient structures. Yes. The white man came and brought the cooties. That's what happened. And there's still like

these tribes that live there and literally have blowdarts that hunt. That's how they kill their meals. My friend Paul Rosalie lives there. Lives there? He lives in the Amazon. He's got this organization that's working to try to preserve the rainforest. One of the things that they do is they find these loggers. And these loggers generally, they're poor guys that just get forced to do these jobs. And he pays them more than they get paid as loggers to protect the rainforest. So instead of cutting it down, now you have a job where you get paid more, but now your job is to protect the forest. So they plant more and everything? Yeah, they plant more. They stop people from,

I don't know if they plant, honestly. They stop people from cutting things down. The problem with planting, and this is where the Amazon gets really weird, the Amazon soil natively is not conducive for growing a lot of stuff. so there's a type of soil that's manmade that they do not know how they did it they do not know when they started doing it but it's called terra praida is that what it's called and it's a thick dark manmade soil so it's essentially compost and all these this different process and carbon and a bunch of things that they get into this manmade layer that's all over the amazon wow that whole area we thought it like So you know this Lost City of Z story? So the Lost City of Z was that movie, did you ever see it? Was it Percy Richards? What was his name?

Percy Fawcett? Percy Fawcett. So this guy goes down to the Amazon a long time ago, and he comes back with his story, you know, European traveler, comes back with his story of golden cities and it's amazing. So he comes back, it reports his findings, and then a hundred years later, like a new search party goes down there to look for this place, and they don't find nothing. like oh that guy was full of shit but it was he wasn't full of shit it was all real it's just that he brought the cooties so they brought disease and literally wiped out millions of people

millions of people and the the jungle just consumed whatever structures were there in a hundred years which is like look at detroit detroit is freezing cold it's nowhere near is tropical as the amazon but detroit houses are just trees are growing straight through them and it's only been like 50 years. So in a hundred years in the Amazon, everything was gone. All the people were dead. All the structures, which were wood, were all just like consumed by the rainforest. Whoa. Yeah. And they didn't even know this until they started doing this LIDAR stuff. And so this LIDAR stuff when they're flying over with this, it's a type of laser. And essentially it looks into the ground and finds structures right through the trees. It can like scan things. And they're finding

aqueducts and all in roads and and like complex irrigation systems big giant symmetrical structures like this this is all covered by jungle like these are all buildings and streets like they they had millions of people living in the Amazon millions this is like the same you know the the theory that you know how like UAPs have become more like there's congressional testimonies about it and everybody's always talking about where are these visitors coming from right but like one of the theories is that they're not visitors from somewhere else yeah they're visitors from our own planet that is an interesting thing I was always interesting especially just because we know how much of our planet is actually unexplored like we always think of it as like oh we know the planet right but like most of the ocean is unexplored like a huge number of and then obviously things like the jungle where you're just discovering like, oh, look, there's a whole civilization in there. Well, there was a civilization.

Was, yes. I think the Amazon rainforest people that they encounter now, the uncontacted people, are probably as survivors. Yeah. Because the thing is, during the ice age, the equator was lush. So these areas probably had like the perfect, yeah, huge populations, perfect climate. I mean, think about all the incredible structures that you find in those areas. like the Incan structures and the Mayan structures.

Like they were obviously like a very advanced civilization back that. Nothing makes sense when you're there. Like I've been three times to Machupechu and you're always. Oh, you went to Machupeachia. Yeah, I went three times. And every time, because you see photos and stuff. When you're actually there, you're like, it's just, your brain just goes, I don't, you know, it doesn't.

Because it's all theories. Right. Everyone, like, you'll have a guide who's like, this is how. And you're like, yeah, but this is your. guess motherfucker you don't know that you know because it just doesn't add up in your head how this could be built up in the andes like well the predominant theory by the alternative historians is that water was that high back then in that area yeah and that there've been some enormous seismic changes you know earthquakes and the like which is one of the reasons why they made those stones

the way they did in the first place like if you see the stones they're cut like jigsaw pups pieces and slipped into place. Yeah. The reason why they did that is because that would better redistribute any energy that would come from an earthquake. But like just the idea of like bricks stacked on top of bricks, they're all like interlocking with each other with a bunch of different angles and they're immense. These pieces are so immense.

And it's laying perfectly flush against the next piece. Like it's not like kind of sloppily thrown together. It looks like an architecture firm designed it and hired. You know, like that there were cranes putting, you're like, how the fuck would this be put together in 1,500? Yeah, it's, it's really, really difficult to figure out. Yeah. They don't know. And they don't even know the date.

The date is silly because they're not, what they're basing the date off of, there's a bunch of different structures. There's the base structure, which is way more complex and way bigger, like Speng's Soxie Hualman and a bunch of these other places that they have layers of civilization that's really clear. Yeah. Like the layers above it are like less efficient. than the giant megalithic stuff that's below it and yet they all try to attribute it to the same time the problem is they get married to a timeline Yeah, and once they get married to that timeline then they go oh well. That's just what it is just what it is But they don't know what it is course they're always they're they just found they've discovered this new Stone structure that is in

Oregon and it's 18,000 years old. They didn't even think up until fairly recently they didn't think that people were here 18,000 years ago. There's a structure in Oregon that's 18,000? Yeah, let me see if I could find it. I think, yeah, here it is. I found it. I always feel like when those, the experts give you the... Oh, do you find a champion?

Yeah. Testing yields new evidence of human occupation 18,000 years ago in Oregon. So they just keep... So this is a stone wall. It's pretty cool. So they found camel teeth fragments under a layer of volcanic ash from an eruption to Mount St. Helens that was dated over 15,000 years ago. Team also uncovered two finely crafted orange,

I don't know what that word is. A gate scraper's? A gate scraper's. I guess it's a type of stone. One in 2012 preserved bison blood residue and another in 2015 buried deeper in the ash. So they did the radiocarbon dating on this stuff and they came up with a date of 18,250 years

before present time. Fuck! That's so goddamn long ago. The date in association with stone tools suggest that the Rimrock Draw Rock Shelter is one of the oldest human occupation sites in North America. See if you can find what that looks like. So there's a few places in America where people are like, okay, what the fuck is this? And one of them that's really interesting. What is perplexity I have to say about this?

The site is a shallow rock shelter about three meters deep, 20 meters long on a basalt rim. near the town of Riley in Harnage County, Oregon at the northern edge of the Great Basin. Interesting. This stuff is so interesting to me. Yeah. Because there's a weird one in Montana. Have you seen the sage wall in Montana? This one's really weird.

So this one is actually debatable, apparently. So there are some people that are geologists that look at this. and say, this has, it could be a natural formation. And other people look at it and go, yeah, but it has like legit tooling on it. So this is a wall that's on a piece of private property in Montana. Like just looking at that image, boy, that looks a lot like people made it. Yeah. That looks a lot like people made it.

So there's an argument, though, that there are similar but not as uniquely manmade looking structures that are not, that are definitely not manmade. Wait, so this is a, the debate is that this might not be man man, like this might be naturally occurring. Exactly. Like, look at that. What are the odds that that is, what is that? Like, what is that? Well, the funny thing is that evidence of an ancient civilization or is that just a geological formation? Well, the funny thing is in that image, I lean more towards, I could see how you could make a case of a natural formation.

Perhaps. But on the other ones where things look more stacked, it feels like. that like that second image below no I think that's AI oh okay I was trying to be careful which ones yeah but when you look at it from the top that's kind of crazy yeah that is kind of crazy there's parts of it though that look like well there's stuff around that that just doesn't look as uniquely man-made hmm but it's it is without a doubt weird yeah because if it turns out that people did make this thing and apparently it goes deep into the ground

like there's some like there's some cuts that looks like and then there's also some evidence that looks like somebody might have been working on the stone like drill holes or something I forget what it was

but look at these yeah that looks like oh yes this is not that that's comparing it to the stuff that's in Peru which has some of the craziest stuff Peru has some of the craziest stuff in the world

like look at that like look at that angle go back to that one right there like what the fuck is that that's crazy nubs on any of these rocks that's a good question but some of them like boy that looks really fucking suspicious you've you've looked up i don't know if we talked about the lines of nasca before oh yeah that's so would you know about the the mummies the tridactal mummies that they found in that area oh oh boy no oh boy okay so they've always had artwork that depicted these three-fingered three towed beings with big eyes. It's a part of like ancient Peruvian

artwork. They're dated back to like a thousand years. Well, they've found these mummified remains of the weirdest looking fucking creatures you've ever seen in your life. They're three feet tall. They have big heads, three fingers, and three toes, and they're dead. And then

they do CT scans on them. They have all the ligaments and structure of a living being, but they're like a different scapula than us and I think oh they don't have a sternum but they have all they have the ribs that we have I think the same amount of ribs but their structure's different but it's a real structure like when you see the structure with the CT scan you see flesh and tissue these things bro this is all in Peru so there's all these little metallic implants on this thing too but this is the structure

of its body and as it goes further it shows the tissue and everything because it's mummified So you could see like ligaments and tissue and when you so this are there's a bunch of different scans that they did and one of them The being was pregnant but look it has a spinal column It has all the joints are in order, but they're different than our in that area Yes, this is all in Peru And it's all in the same look at it has a fucking metallic golden implant in its forehead And look at the size of its head Yeah, like it looks like a gray, right? Yeah

See if you can get some of those images that show and the CT scans of the tissue because the CT scans of the tissue are the weird it also there it is so it also has fingerprints which are weird like look at that it has fucking fingerprints but they're different in hours and three digits

unique fingerprints they don't know what this is but my friend Jesse Michaels went down there and saw them in person he said it was unreal he said it's really fucking bizarre did I tell you when I went to the Linus the Nesca no so I went there I was in the

pictures of like the whole skeleton and my uncle set me up to go see them with my dad and so we got into what was a cartel plane that was confiscated by the government and was now like a you like a proving government plane like a military plane but it was really like uh four four seats in the back two pilots in the front i think uh two propellers right one of those types of planes the best way to see the lines is in a chopper so you hover but we went on a plane and we're like I mean it's you're you can't believe what you're seeing right like you're flying over and they're taking and then like the middle of it my dad's like I need to pee and I'm like what he's like tell the pilot I need to pee I'm like we're gonna keep doing this he's like I have to pee now oh boy

so I go to the pilot I was like hey my dad's got to pee he's like what I get yeah He's like 65. I'm like, he's got to pee. And the guy's like, all right. So we just find some random air strip, I think in Pisco or something. And then... How long does it take to do that? I forget.

I mean, we had to go out of our way. And then, you know, he pees. How long did it take? I mean, for us to get to the airstrip, probably like, it was out of the way. So maybe like another 20 minutes or something. Oh, boy. Yeah. And I was like, dude, he's like, what am I supposed to do?

I was like, I don't know. Didn't you fucking pee before we got in this thing? He's like, yeah, but I got to pee again. And then they just like walk around and they find an oil canteen that was like discarded on the runway. And they're like, this is for your dad so that if he has to pee again, we don't have to land the fucking plane. And I was like, here you go, dad. Like just if it strikes you again, please piss in this. Did you do it?

Yeah, he did it. He did? He pissed again. Oh my God. He pissed in the oil can? Yeah. So you're flying around or your dad's piss walking around? And then where he's like, he's like, he's like.

Like, that's pretty neat, looking at the lines of NASCAR. Like, yeah, pretty neat, man. Really bizarre. It's kind of funny, too, to think about... Show me the images of the, like, the red ones where it shows, the tissues and the ligaments. The fact that some people aren't wowed by things like this. Do you know what I mean? Jay Anderson had a good one.

He had a bunch of good... Because he did a piece on it, too. Yeah, well, you have to be out of your fucking mind. You not be wild by this. Yeah, I know. But don't you feel like half the population is like, oh, that's cool? Half the population is asleep. Yeah.

They're all on TikTok. It's all rot in their brain. They're all just social media is like transformed their attention. They're locked in on nonsense on things that don't have any bearing on their life whatsoever. And that's what they're focusing on six hours a day. Yeah. That's a lot of people. And then you show them something like this and they're like, that's cool.

This is completely bananas. Yeah, that's a, that's not a human being. Yeah. It's a fucking alien. Or it might be. have been a kind of human being, right? So you know about, there's a bunch of different ones, right? Everybody knows about Neanderthals, but there's also the hobbit people in the island of Flores. There's three foot tall human beings that looked probably like, you know, like a

hobbit, like little chimpanzee. Look at that fucking thing. Like, what is that? And the thing is, it's like, if you just saw the outside, you'd go, oh, that's a cool structure, or cool sculpture, rather. But then when you see the actual ligaments and tendons and all the stuff inside of it, you go, oh no, this is a living being, whatever the hell it is. And they all have three toes and three fingers.

It just strikes me, too, that like this isn't the primary conversation. Look at that. We're having, though. I mean, look at that. I know. How insane is that? It's an alien, man. They're very different. They also, they have different shaped heads.

Like, there's a difference between, you How many did they find? Oh, there's quite a few of them. There's quite a few of them. What is the Montserrat? That's the bigger one. That's the biggest one that they have. That's the name they gave it?

Yeah, they gave it a name. So this is the largest one and the most impressive. And she has these metallic implants. She's got the one on her forehead and she's got several of them on her body. It's a very weird thing because it seems like it's a living creature. But it's not like a human being. Like even the way it's skull, those lines and the skull, like we all have those, whatever those lines are, the gross lines. Yeah. Their lines are different than ours. Everything's different.

Jesus. Yeah. And the way they found these things were grave robbers find them. So they don't really tell you where they found them. They lie about them. They find them in Peru. But I mean like how long ago did this happen? All this is fairly recent. All this is in the last decade or so. But they're really, the focus on it has been over the last year or so where a lot of these scientists have gone down there to take a look at it. And guys like Jesse Michaels and some other people. The problem is the um the country doesn't want them removed for testing right right but you're going to have to bring equipment down there because testing has to be done like we have to figure out what these things are because it seems like it's a life form that is a bipedal hominid that's different than us

that probably lived alongside by the way that thing is also 1,200 years old that's old yeah and now 1,200 years old so it's not a fake one of if that's the civilization that did those lines you know very well could be they could be the same civilization that also did all that still structures up there. There might have been living amongst us. There might have been multiple different civilizations in the past that just don't exist anymore. If these things turn out to be real and they do have this enormous head and these weird spindly bodies and three fingers and three toes and they start finding more and more artifacts that point to that. I mean, that changes our understanding of what has existed here

before because whatever that thing is, it's at the very least, it's advanced enough to give itself metal implants like what's what's going on there where it has a gold circle and its forehead implanted it implanted into its skull like what's the point of that like what i mean because gold does have a place in electronics you know they use gold in certain electronics it's got great kind of conductivity right so why does it have what is that thing if it's a real thing everybody should be like it should be front page that's what i'm saying yeah look at that look at that implant that's jay Anderson he was actually just on what could this mean yeah bro it's bananas and look at those eye like the slots for the eyes yeah like a gray alien tridactyl but yeah like a gray alien and by the way like

people have described when they've had encounters they've described things that look exactly like that three fingers three toes spindly big head large eyes and he went down there and he went down my friend jesse michael's went down there and actually touched them he was that was the first He was in the room while they were doing the scans. He said it's so strange. He said it feels so surreal because it's so obvious that it was a real living thing. I don't understand how that's not like the lead story in the news sometimes. Everywhere.

Yeah. Meanwhile, they're, you know, arguing over, you know, everything. Yeah. Everything else. Everything. Whatever the fuck it is. Can you believe what's going on? What turning point are you going to say?

They found aliens. I know. They found alien bodies. Like if you've ever wanted alien bodies, oh, show me a body. That's an alien body. That's an alien body. Yeah. At the very least, it's not us.

So maybe it's from here and when extinct, or maybe it's in the ocean. Or the congressional testimony of like high level whistleblowers being like, we have these, uh, whatever, this ship, whatever you want to call it that we've, and then it's like, in a congressional testimony, everyone's like, that's cool. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Yeah, everybody's like, to-talking. But it was funny. Do you believe that Nikki Mulnod was on stage with the TV? U.S.

It's crazy. It's really crazy to me. Yeah. That's like, that's not captivating people more. Well, I think, you know, people are in a trance. There's a giant percentage of our population that's in a trance. That should be the main news other than the wars. That should be the main news today.

Well, hopefully they're in a trance to watch my new special teacher on Netflix. Hey, I like how you did that. Go ahead and zone out and watch that with your family. Yeah. Well, comedy's fucking super important when the world. world's going crazy. It sure is. And the world is going crazy right now.

Yeah. We were talking about the Epstein releases, like, before we got started. Like, first of all, like... The photo dump and the emails, it's fucking nuts. But it's also, they're doing it so slowly. Mm-hmm. Like, you guys have had this stuff for a year. Like, don't you...

And we were promised multiple times. It's coming. It's coming. Doesn't it seem like you could just throw all that into AI at this stage of the game? Yes. And just redact the names of the victims. and let's go? Yeah, of course.

It seems like that would take five minutes. I mean, it feels like, I mean, you can't help it feel like the administration is just like watching their back, and that's why it's happening. Watching someone's back. Yeah. You mean, it's all speculative why they haven't released it, but it's not good. It's not good for everybody's confidence. No.

It's also, it's not good that this thing was going on, that they had this bizarre blackmail operation running. That's very weird. Very strange. Very weird. But it kind of makes sense. Because if you're a, you know, a 60-year-old billionaire and you're a freak and you like to get your freak on, but unfortunately, you're a gigantic software developer and everybody knows who you are. Yeah.

Like, it's hard to get your freak on. Well, that's the thing is, like, it makes sense when you go, like, oh, some of these dudes really liked visiting that place. It's like, that's the only place they can go. Right. You can't go anywhere else. Right. And that's why they set it up for them. Yeah.

Eric Weinstein said that to me once. And he like, I was like, oh, okay, that makes sense. If you're the former president of the United States, you can't go to a nightclub. Yeah, he said, I think there are people out there that provide experiences for certain people that have a hunger for them. Yeah. It's like, of course. Of course. And that's also how they compromise people, too, right?

Oh, yeah. That's how they get you to vote the way they want you to vote and play ball. Bobby, we've got video. You're sucking a dick. Yeah. What do you want to do? Yeah. Because, like, I bet all those people have something on them.

That's how they stay in the game. They have to You're like skull and bones You gotta suck the dick Well look at like Otherwise we can't trust you For the Epstein shit Like look at the level of people

That we're visiting I mean it's all At the highest level Of influence power and fame Yeah And so you go Yeah this dude wants to do Some wild shit

You can't go to fucking He can't go to cheetahs And get it done You know Yeah Yeah He can't do it He's got to go somewhere

Yeah What sounds like A private island Yeah he can't just like Order up a call girl Uh-uh. It's too risky. Where are you going?

I'm going to Captain Billionaire's house to suck his dick. I do it every Tuesday. Plus, I'm on meth, and I'm really good to keep it secrets. Yeah. These guys, the fucking, it's dark. It's fucking dark. So some guy comes along and says, I can take care of your problem. And then.

Yeah. And everybody says, oh, trust me, he's a great guy. He's really cool. And he also does this thing. Yeah, great sense of humor. Yeah. His staff love him. They also do this thing where, you know, it's like you're going to hang out with other famous people so it must be safe.

Hey, Bill Clinton's here. This is no problem. This is a statement released by the spokesperson or spokesman for Bill Clinton today. Oh, let's read that. Wait a minute. There's a person who signed it. My name is Angel Urena spokesman for the former president Bill Clinton. Isn't that weird?

He's the deputy chief of staff for Bill Clinton. Okay. He's still got a chief of staff. What does he do these days? Epstein files transparency act imposes a clear legal duty on the U.S. Department of Justice to produce the full and complete record of the public demands and deserves. The public demands and deserves. However, what the Department of Justice has released so far in the manner in which it did so

makes one thing clear someone or something is being protected. We do not know whom, what or why. This is like the killer pretending to be the detective. Yeah. We've got to solve this crime. We do not know whom. This is the killer joining the search party. We do not know whom, what or why.

We have photos. Are you in a fucking hot top, buddy? But we do know this. We need no such protection. Accordingly, we call on President Trump to direct Attorney General Bondi to immediately release any remaining materials referring to mentioning or containing a photograph of Bill Clinton. This includes without limitation any records that may exist and are subject to the Disclosure under the Act, Public Law 119-38, enacted on November 19, 2025, including

grand jury transcripts, interviewed notes, photographs, and findings by the, this means a deal was made. So if you release, you have a press release like that, that means the call went well. Yeah, yeah. You got a deal in, whew, we're good. We are good. All we have to do is let him run for a third term. And we're fine.

And look. He's. Dude, Clinton, chilling. that hot tub too. Hey, I would chill in a hot tub too. It feels nice. Yeah, it feels nice, but it's just like the photo of you. What's a big deal? You're chilling in a hot tub.

If I went to your house and you had a hot tub, like, let's all get in the hot tub. I get in there. Come on over. You take a picture of me. I'm like, fuck, dude. I don't even know her. Yeah. Why'd you do that?

I don't know how old she was. And you got cameras up all over your house. Yeah. Yeah. He knew what he was doing. Oh, yeah. Probably watching people do coke in the bathroom. You got cameras of that.

They were probably doing all kinds of shit. He was compromising a lot of people. And made a shit ton of money doing it. God damn, he sure did. Boy, that's what's really weird. Like, he got gifted a giant mansion in Manhattan by that, the dude from Victoria's Secret. Yeah, yeah. And that guy was like, yeah, he was just running my finances, but then I didn't realize what kind of guy he was.

But I gave him billions of dollars to manage. And you're like, what? Yeah. I didn't know what kind of a guy he was after he got arrested for having sex with underage girls. And so then I stopped working with him Okay My favorite one was when they were questioning Bill Gates about it

And he goes well he, you know He's dead now so you got to be careful Do you ever see that? No Oh it's crazy That's it, that's his statement She asked him like why he had You know these interactions with Jeffrey Epstein

And he's essentially saying it was a mistake You know I was hoping that he was going to do a lot of work With philanthropy He's going to help me out with philanthropy I can't care. Right. That's why I meet with him so many times. But the end result, the final statement that was chilling, he's like he's dead now.

So you have to be careful. Like, what? What does that mean? What do you mean? Be careful to not hang yourself in jail, which is what the official story is, right? Is that what you mean? Be careful or you'll hang yourself in jail? Is that what you're saying?

No, it's not what you're saying. So you're not what you're saying. Be careful because someone killed them, right? Which is what we all think, which is why there's no. fucking the cameras were down, which is why the guards were asleep, which is why his fucking his gigantic roommate, who was a murderer and a drug-dealing cop who assassinated people who was built like a fucking gorilla. You ever see his roommate?

You never saw Jeffrey Epstein's roommate? Uh-uh. Oh, boy. He had a cellmate when he was there? Bro, not only did he have a cellmate. He had a cellmate that murdered several people in drug deals who was a cop, and he was a gigantic roided up. Psychopath. This is the roommate I remember you get that guy to kill him for extra cigarettes is what my point is

I remember I remember uh that guy that guy that was his fucking roommate Just imagine what kind of a plan you would have for the biggest defendant in any sort of High-level espionage possibly involving foreign governments and you'd put him in in a prison cell, a cage, with a guy who's committed four different murders. That guy was a cop? Yes. Look at the build on this motherfucker.

Look at the size of this guy. Yeah. This is the guy. You put a murderer. That's nice. Yeah, he's a sweet guy. You put a murderer, well, he had to have a bunch of things barking in case anyone came near his property to get back at him.

Do you remember that famous forensic Michael Badden. Michael Badden. Yeah. He testified that the hyoid, I think it's called the hyoid bone. Yeah. That was snapped on Epstein was far more consistent with, as he says, a homicide. Yeah.

Then it bothers me so much that he says it like that. Homicide. Yeah. I think he said it was broken in two places. He's like, that's much more consistent with homicide than suicide. Yeah, it was someone strangled him. Someone strangled him from behind. It was also the position.

Here it is. Play this. I read doing that. He had relationships with people he said, you know, would give to global health, which is a interest I have. You know, not nearly enough philanthropy goes in that direction. You know, those meetings were a mistake. They didn't result in what he purported and I cut them off. You know, that goes back a long time ago.

now. There's, you know, so there's nothing new on that. It was reported that you continue to meet with him over several years. And that, in other words, a number of meetings. What did you do when you found out about his background? Well, you know, I've said I regretted having those dinners. And there's nothing, absolutely nothing new on that. Is there a lesson for you, for anyone else? anyone else looking looking at this well he's dead so uh you know in general you always have to be

careful uh and you know the you know i'm i'm very proud of what we've done in philanthropy very proud of the work of the foundation uh you know that's that's what i get up every day and focus on me too i'm a good guy imagine if he was reading for a film you'd be like I don't believe a word you just said yeah yeah I don't believe a word you said take two let's do this okay who wrote this yeah like he's gonna just transition from hanging out with this guy he's dead now to I'm really proud of the work we've done with philanthropy yeah let's uh let's shift this conversation yeah much more positive place that's a PR spin I'm super proud of the work we've done with philanthropy that's you know he got into all that

stuff in the first place after the Microsoft stuff because Microsoft at one point in time has these all this anti-competitive accusations yeah right and so he was thought as being this guy that like you know was a drowning out competition yeah was monopolizing yeah so then he pivoted became a philanthropist it's a good move it is a good move you know who else did that the guy who invented the Nobel Prize really yeah Peter Berg told me the story it's a cool story so he dies the guy I forget what his first name is his last name is Nobel he died and uh everybody called him the merchant of death because he made dynamite oh so he didn't really die

though it was a fake story so he saw the stories it's like hey i'm not dead but oh my god this is how people think about me this is how they're going to write about me after i'm dead i got to do something to clean my image up so to clean his image up he invents the nobel prize he starts giving out these prizes for peace and for physics and nobel prize yeah yeah and so then the Nobel Prize becomes synonymous with excellence. The name, Nobel, is now connected to that instead of connected to killing a bunch of motherfuckers with

dynamite. That's a great marketing move on his part. Isn't that nuts? Yeah. What was his real name? Alfred Nobel. Alfred Nobel. Made dynamite, right? That was the thing? Yeah, but I'm looking at the Nobel Prize. It says there's a well-known story about the origin of Nobel Prize,

although historians have been unable to verify it, and some dismiss it as a myth. Well, let's find out if the story of him being called the merchant of death are true and the the fake death when people thought he died is that true that's I mean I have to just check that out real quick look that out I bet it's true that's a good marketing move to move it's a move that people do you know well that was also what um you know some really evil people have have done also you know like if you want like serial killers you know

like John Wayne Gacy was like I do clown parties for kids It's like, look over here. I'm a fun guy, you know. Cosby was always like, you know, telling people how to live their life. Yeah. People are like, oh, he's a great. Don't tell dirty jokes. Yeah, don't curse.

Yeah. He would call people up and tell them not to swear anymore. Yeah, call it. Mattie Murphy. Oh, yeah, famously. Famously. Yeah. With the Philharne Filth.

Yeah. Yeah, he did do that. He did do that. I remember one time, Wanda Sykes interviewed him at like some award thing. He was in the crowd and she came up to him an interview. him, and he was, like, so rude to her. He had so much disdain. I remember that, too.

Remember that? It was weird. Okay, Nobel grew extremely wealthy from inventions like dynamite and blasting gelatin, which are widely used to warfare and earned him the nickname the Merchant of Death in the Press. 1888 French newspaper mistakenly published his obituary after his brother's death, condemning him as a man who became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster. This shock is widely seen as prompting him to rethink how he'd be remembered.

So it is true. Yeah. There should be no dispute of this. In his will of 1895, he left most of his fortune to fund prizes for those who shall be conferred the greatest benefit on mankind. Of course, you're dead. You don't need your money. Nobel never publicly explained his motives. Fucking, duh.

So historians emphasize that any account of his reason is an informed reconstruction, not a direct statement from him. Okay, I get that because they're historians. Did you see how... I think it was, these days you don't know what has to be confirmed not, but it looked like on the Kennedy Center, they started putting the name Trump on it. Yeah, he added his name to it.

Yeah, it's crazy. And he took out the Kennedy Rose Garden. You're like, what? Take it away. Now it's like a cement fucking pot. There's nothing nuttier than the plaques underneath the president's names. That's insane. That's insane.

Shane and I were just reading them the other day. It's insane. How is this real? It doesn't feel real. And you're just like, how are you allowed to do that? That's the thing. I think, how is he around to write that? In the White House, you can just probably, as president, do what you want in the White House.

Turns out you obviously can. Yeah? Because, but nobody ever did it before. Those are going to get taken down. No, they'll be up forever. I don't think so. They're going to leave it like that forever. No fucking way.

Yeah, like a museum piece. It's so crazy. They should have like the Trump wing. This is what happened when he was president. Look at this fucking lunatic. The auto pen photo photo of Joe Biden. And the actual trans, what's written there is crazy. Crazy.

This is widely considered the worst president of all. Like, what are you talking about? It should be like a museum. Yeah. It should be the facts of his presidency. What happened during his term? You know, the Iraq war started and da-da-da. Yeah.

It should be that. Of course. That's it. If that, you know. And under Reagan, it's like, Reagan liked Trump and Trump liked him too. Trump was a fan of Reagan. What? Why is that relevant?

Reagan was a fan of Trump. What? It's, yeah. Guys fucking crazy. But you can't just let. someone just fucking fully swimming it like that I know so he needs like a right-hand man you go sir I think they just let me just I understand the motive well he's also losing it too you can tell well I think everybody does when you get to a certain age yeah yeah of course I mean the guy's about to be 80 right

right there's no and also the stress of going through what that guy went through where they were trying to jail him when they were going after him with the Russia thing the Russia hoax and all that shit like they were they were trying everything they could to destroy him just that alone's got to break your brain it radicalizes you it makes yeah and then they took a shot on them yeah somebody shot him then that guy dies and then when the guy dies they find out that his apartment's been professionally scrubbed they find out uh he was in a black rock commercial like two years before that he was oh yeah the shooter the shooter oh yeah was he an actor yeah in the film yeah but obviously he was like connected to some people that knew some people what does that mean

mean it might mean nothing yeah but it there's also a lot of weirdness to his his past it doesn't have a social media profile it was like he he he seems like like an mk ultra plant this presidency though does feel like a parody of a real thing like it doesn't even feel real what there's a lot of stuff that doesn't feel real the um for sure the rob bryner thing didn't feel real oh my that's that seemed so insane i you know i didn't realize because i i obviously knew him i knew rob bryner as the actor from from all in the family which he was he was great in that role and then I I have memories of like I always think of like when Harry met Sally the princess bride yep and I was like oh yeah you know he's a spinal tap stand by me so I'm like oh you know great storyteller comedy I didn't realize until he died that he did misery I had no idea that was him yeah he did misery too yeah he did so many great films he really did he really understood like human emotion and and storytelling a the board because like it's one thing to be proficient in comedy and you see this sometimes with comedy really high level like adam mackay did so much high level comedy with saturday

night live and then you know talladega nights and and like those those big will feral movies and then his pivot into drama is like exceptional you know like he's really really good at it and it's like really remarkable when they can make that jump yeah he's really really good yeah well Well, Jordan Peel, he's fantastic yet. Another one, yeah. He's made some giant horror movies that is, like, weird. And he was so funny in comedy. He was so good.

It's weird how good they are. It's weird how, like, different they are, too. Yeah, how they go, like, I'm comedy, I'm comedy. And then, like, this hard pivot into a totally different lane and be, not just, let me try it, but be, like, excellent at it. Yeah, but I kind of get it, right? It's like if you can get really good at comedy, like, which is a complicated thing to do you for sure have other creative thoughts yeah you're not access to other things yeah you're not

really probably using those yeah and I think also you get I think a lot of those guys get bored especially running a sketch show right yeah after a while you just beat all the topics to death you know I mean how many topics on especially like a mid sketch show are so derivative yeah of course yeah there's a lot of that and they just go I did it there's nothing else to to jump into well you might have like nine episodes you have to bang out Well, I don't have to tell you. You're actually in the middle of it right now. I'm in the middle of it, yeah.

We just finished writing season two. But you have a... Your show is a giant advantage. You could just go so far. Yeah. And be so ridiculous. They kind of just let us do what we want, which is really crazy. I got the same notes I got the first season.

Don't say the N-word. That was basically it. That's like, that's my... That's everything else. They're like, yeah, you can do that. It's such a crazy show, dude. It's really fun, though. It's so much fun.

I had so much fun doing it. I can't believe I get to do it again. And it's just, it is such a blast. We get to make these, like, sketches and, like, little short films that are, like, whatever we can think of, whatever the craziest thing we can think of. And they're just like, yeah, do that. And they gave us, they gave me, like, a mandate. They're like, we'd rather tell you that's too far than you should have gone further. Right.

So they're just like, you can make it as crazy as you want. That's nuts. Yeah. But that's the beautiful thing about Netflix is the variety of what's. on there. It's just so bananas. It's so wide-ranging. There's so much shit on there. I just watched The Beast and Me. Oh, yeah. I'm on episode three right now. Don't tell me anything. It gets so much better. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure it does. And how good is Claire Dane's amazing. Matthew Reese plays... He's a psycho? Yeah. That guy's great. He's phenomenal. And he plays that

part so exceptionally well. I mean, it's just so good. Yeah, like you know people like him. You know people like him, and you know you're like, this is a fucking psycho, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's great at it. And it's like in the eyes. It's always in the eyes, you know. You see it in the eyes. It's like.

Yeah, he's really, he's got a darkness in him. Mm-hmm. He really does. He ain't faking it. You know what else I just saw? I saw it on Peacock, and I was like, I was like, I don't, like, I don't have peacock. I'm like, I don't, what are the, this is like, you know, fucking Kevin Hart in a bathtub interview. Like, I don't know what's on peacock, you know?

I love Kevin, by the way. but like it's like you know I mean like these like fun silly that's what I thought peacock was or old NBC yeah reruns of like their old friends yeah I'm like I don't want fuck it and I got recommended to watch the day of the jackal what's that fucking fantastic really yeah it's a thriller that is super high production and very cinematic but the writing and the acting unbelievable who's in it Eddie Redmay I think it's his name Eddie Redmayne is the lead in it and um i don't know that many of the names of the other actors but it's incredibly

produced is it a series yeah how many episodes so they're in they're making season two now i think season one was 10 episodes wow 120 million dollar budget for the season whoa i'm writing this down day of the jackal day of the jackal was excellent yeah okay this is this is it skim through the trailer i won't watch it yeah it's skim what's watch this fucking that's that's that's eddie it's it's really good, dude. I couldn't believe how captivated I was by it. Really, really well done. It's like a, you know, espionage type of thriller. Those are my favorite. Mine too.

But this is what I watch instead of, you know, we were talking about comedy. I watch this shit. Oh yeah. Yeah, me too. Yeah. He's really good in it, but so is everybody else. They're really, really good. Okay. I want to see any more. Can't recommend it enough. Okay. I'm on it. Really good. Yeah, there's enough. shit to watch these days. I'll tell you that. Do you watch Dave's? You're sick? What? Do you watch Dave's special?

Dave's, a Chappelle? No, I didn't see it yet. It's great. Yeah? I saw some clips. That's right. I mean, it's vintage. It's Dave. Yeah. Like, it hits, he does what he does so well. There's silliness. You know, seriousness. Seriousness. Yeah. Some philosophy, lots of social commentary, provocative things, hilarious. It's good. I'll check it out. I'll check it out. I'm sure it's going to be awesome. He's always awesome. He never misses.

He doesn't. I mean, and I pissed a lot of people off, which is always fun. Yeah. I saw he went after Bill Maher. Yeah, he said, fuck that dude. I know he said this publicly, but fuck that dude. Yeah, yeah. That's very funny. But it's a good special, man. It's really good. It's funny. Dave's in top form. I love that, for me, by the way, because my special comes out Christmas Eve, right? And then six days later, Ricky Jervais comes out. Oh. And that was supposed to be, that was the release timeline, right?

They're like, there's one earlier in the month. And they're like, you'll be Christmas Eve. A week later, Ricky Jervase. I was like, cool. And then like three days prior, I get a call before it's announced. And they're like, hey, we've got to tell you, we're dropping a special, unannounced Chappelle special tonight. And I go, great.

And they're like, They're like, I know, you know, it's going to take up a lot of oxygen in the room, obviously, because it's Dave, right? I go, yeah, I mean, I understand. I go, you realize this is, like, being a musical artist, and I've been working on my album, and you guys are like, we're so excited. And then you call me, you're like, just so you know, tomorrow we're releasing Radiohead's new album. And you're like, thanks. I mean, there's like, there's nothing you can do. It's like the biggest guy is coming out with it, you know?

But it's hilarious. He's great. But people will watch it. It's only an hour, and then they're going to want to watch more. That's the, well, it's good. It's one of the thoughts is they go like it will, it just makes stand up more popular. 100%. Yeah.

I think so. Yeah. Standup is very popular right now. It's incredibly popular. Yeah. I mean, there's more arena acts like. I just saw Nate Bergazzi added a 3 p.m. show out here. Nate is on because, but Nate's thing makes sense when you think about it.

Oh, yeah. When you start doing stand-up, there's this thing that happens. when you're early on young doing stand-up and you start to like do spots a lot of people will be like hey if you can curse less be clean and you're like that's not who I am

and they're like all right well they always say this thing like you'll get more opportunities different opportunities will come to you if you're like that right you're like whatever it's just I don't do that and when you're really funny like Nate is and you get really good what you see on the business side of it

is that when he announces a show like when I announce a show a couple might go like let's go see him right like I'll buy two tickets but when Nate announces a show that couple will bring their children their parents their in-laws

their neighbors so every two tickets you can sell he can sell 12 and everybody's going to enjoy it and they're all going to enjoy it yeah because even if even though it's just clean it's always clean it's hilarious it's hilarious he's really funny but he's really funny

Gaffigan has that thing too. Definitely. Yeah. The whole family can go. Sebastian has that thing too. Mm-hmm. Like, you can bring anybody to see Sebastian. And they'll all have a good time.

Yeah. But yeah, he can do three fucking arena shows in a city. It's crazy. Yeah, it is nuts. But there's more people doing that now. Like I mentioned Sebastian, you, Bert, Tony. I mean, there's Shane. Shane's doing a football arena.

That's crazy. A stadium. Yeah, he's doing like 90,000 people. Yeah. Lincoln Financial, I think it is. Just there's people doing. that now where there's so many of them where when we were coming up the only people that had done it were Dane and Dice Clay. Dice, yeah. It was Dice Clay and Dane Cook. And for that you have to

just, you go like, that is the internet man. The internet made stand-up global. Well, the internet made Dane. Right, right. That's how it was. He got huge from MySpace. He was the first guy. The fact is so many of us can move those kinds of tickets. Oh, yeah. It's because it's global. 100%. When it was just like, hey, catch my special at Comedy Central. at 9 o'clock on Friday, it's not going to have the same reach. Right, right. Now it's a different thing. And it's just clips, too.

Clips get shared and then there's so much word of mouth. It's like, that's the one good thing about social media is if something comes out and people like it, whether it's a new special that dropped or a new song or anything. It just gets shared. It just gets shared. So crazy. Yeah. And things just, they just take off. I know.

It's why I never, I did 40 arenas this year. Like I was never thinking that would be a thing, you know. I remember when I met you. Yeah. I met you in 2007. We did that real men of comedy tour together. Yeah, I met you in Phoenix. We did that little Hollywood theater, which I love that.

The celebrity theater. Celebrity theater. That's right. That place is awesome. That's one of my favorites. In the round, and it spins. It's awesome. That plays rules.

And I always love Phoenix, period. They're fun. That's a fun place. Yeah, that's a really good place. Yeah, I went back there on this tour, too. I went to the, I did the big arena there this time. It was fucking amazing. It was one of my favorite shows of this tour.

Yeah, it's Phoenix Rules. Yeah, I've done the arena in Phoenix, too. It's fucking fun, man. They're fun. That's a fun city. Yeah, because they don't have much culture, but they do a lot of blow. They do have a lot. And they like to party.

They party hard. Phoenix, Arizona just parties hard. Yes, they party hard. Well, it's like, think about the people that had to settle that place first. And you got cowboys and Mexicans, just fucking wild people. It is, dude. And then you got Scottsdale, which is all rich people. I remember we went to dinner, like, I think the night before, just like a steakhouse.

And we were just like, we were like observing that when you go to dinner at a, like, the steakhouse in Phoenix, it feels like an after party, but it's just dinner. Do you know what I mean? Like the vibe in there is that people are having a fucking good time. They're partying. Yeah. Yeah. That's what Phoenix feels like. Yeah.

I always liked it because it was not Hollywood, you know, in every way. It was just not Hollywood. Yeah. Those people had no preconceived ideas of their own celebrity. They didn't want to become famous. Like, the problem with L.A. is the entire culture is wrapped around the possibility that you might become famous. Yeah. And that everybody really secretly wants to become famous.

And some people might make it and some people won't. But the reason that they came there in the first place is to be famous. Because they wanted to be famous. Phoenix, they just want Coke. Get some Coke When I'm going to my fucking party I'm playing golf in the day And I'm doing coke at night

I'm having a good fucking time They're wild people That theater thing too There's a I don't know if I'm right about this But I've been told That there's only two maybe three theaters Left in the round

In the country That's the only one that I know of Well there's the one in Long Island That I also did that was It's so fucking fun Which one's that? Westbury Music Hall I think it's called Is that what it's called?

I've heard of that place I didn't know that was in the round That's in the round That's in the round. It is so fucking fun. The round rules. I just did it. I did it a couple months ago.

It was one of the most fun shows of the entire tour. I try to explain to people who had never done it. It's like, oh, arena. I'm telling you, it's oddly intimate. Because everybody's facing everybody else. We're all on this together. It's not just a mass of people staring at a stage. Right.

We're all wrapped up together. Yes. It's cooler. It's cool. Yeah. It's a better vibe. It feels better. You would love this theater.

I'm sure. Yeah. It's a fucking rad. I love that. Phoenix one that one rules but do any show that you could do in the round it's like the first time I did I remember I don't understand where do I move I think the first one I did was when we met yeah because I was also might have been my first one too I was kind of like intimidated I was like what the fuck did and then somebody told me once it might have been Louie told me that I think it was

him that told me when I was doing the like going into arenas he's like your your instinct will be to stay in the middle but you should go further out to the edges because when you're first they're out to the outside of the stage that's in the round, you're actually open to more people. Does that make sense? Yes. Because like if you're on this edge of the round stage, more people can see you over here. Right. And you're closer to them. And you're closer to them, too.

Yeah, it's more intimate. If you're in the middle, it's like you're all standoffish. You have so much, you can come closer to me. Yeah. Why are you all the way over there? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. Walking around, too, is fun. That to me is I told somebody, is what I think makes my performance better, is that I'm a naturally kind of standstill guy.

Yeah. But the round makes me move. Even though it's subtle movement, that keeps you more engaged. Mm-hmm. Because there's a constant movement to it, even if it's slow. It's fun. It is a fun thing. Yeah, it's fun.

And it is weird that so many of us get to do that now. It's so bizarre. It wasn't the case at all. It's so bizarre. I did some nutty ones with Dave. We did the Tacoma Dome. That was 25,000 people. That was so.

So nuts. It was so nuts. It was so many people, man. That's so many. It's very strange. I did a couple with you guys. I did New Orleans with you guys. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, that was fun. And I think we did Nashville or something, or Memphis together too. Yeah, I think it was Nashville. The most fun one, though, ever. I think this will always be in my memory is when we did the like Vegas is back in the round. Oh, yeah.

That was fun. at the MGM Arena. Yeah, that was fun. And I was unannounced. Yeah. And a couple other people were, too. I forget who was on that. But I remember the absolute, like, pandemonium of that place where I was, like, shaking.

Because it was like, things had been shut down. And they're like, this show is back. The shows are back. And this is the show to open Vegas again. I don't think we'll ever feel that again. Not like that. Hopefully not. Because that means that the world went crazy again.

That's exactly right. And it was like, you can. You can't duplicate that. You can't duplicate it. It's almost like when you have an improv on, like, off-the-cuff line of something that just happened. And, like, you can't manufacture that. Right. You said the thing because this happened.

Right. And, like, the world had shut down. Yeah. And they're like, here's a stand-up show in the round, in the arena, Joe, Dave. And the crowd was just like, I mean, it was like a fever pitch. It was so, there was so many people hanging out backstage. Remember that? Oh, my God.

It was so many people. I was like, I've never seen so many celebrities at our shows. There was a room They were like This is the red room And this was backstage And there was like 200 people in there Oh so packed

And I brought you in there Because you didn't know about it either I was like have you been in here And you're like what the fuck is all this It's a whole extra room A whole extra room of like just people hanging out Yeah A whole extra room of comics

That I hadn't seen in years Because everybody was kind of celebrating The fact that we could do shows again It was the best They all came out That was such a special show Yeah I mean there was boxers there

And rappers It was like, people were out. It's like there's something to do again. It was like there was a feeling in the air. It was so, and people, some people were still scared. There's still people wearing masks. Yeah. It was weird.

It was July. I remember that. It was July. Some people just didn't want to let it go. They were still connected to this idea that we could all die at any moment. Yeah. That's true. I still see those people.

Yeah, they're still in some places. There's some people that got broken. They got broken. They got broken, the stress of that whole thing. It also kind of depends on who you're around, too, right? Oh, yeah. Because, I mean, I think you could put me with certain people, and then I would have been even more apprehensive.

Well, that was the thing that I felt about coming here, like, really quickly, that people here were not nearly as scared as people are in California. The whole attitude of the government here was very different. They were like, things should stay open. I remember I went and met with the governor, had dinner with him. And he was like, you know, we've got to let people live their lives. They need freedom. Yeah.

Like, you should be able to make your own decisions doing this. I was like, yeah, I agree. And this was like before the vaccine. Really? Yeah. And people had already started doing shows out here. We started doing shows out here early. We tested everybody.

Remember we did those stub shows? Oh, that's right. Yeah. Dave and I did these shows at Stubs. We did a whole series of shows. Which is an outdoor venue. Yeah. And we tested the whole crowd.

So we tested these people for like an hour before the show. Everybody queued up. Everybody got tested, and we only wound up removing, like, two different people that were positive. That's it? Yeah. Yeah. Most people knew that they weren't sick, you know? And we weren't doing PCR, right?

Which is the one that really gets a lot of false positives. They found out recently, there was an estimate that PCR testing the false positives might have been as high as 86%. 86? Yeah. The guy who invented the PCR testing, Kerry Mullis, said that she would never be used. to detect diseases. It's like it's not what it's for. And he said,

if you ramp the cycles up high enough, you could find almost anything in people. I did something once as shameful. I had to test for like a trip somewhere. And then I had to like do it on a Zoom with somebody. And it came out positive, so I threw it out the window. And then they were like, where is it?

I go, my kid just threw it out the window. And they're like, what was it? I was like, I don't remember. I'll do it again. And then I just waited a week to test it again. I remember the second time I tested positive. So I tested positive once. That was a whole horse dewormer CNN thing.

And then the second time I tested positive, I didn't even know I had it. I couldn't believe it was real. I came in here sniffily. I came in here straight from the gym. And I said, I got the sniffles. I said to Mercy, the nurse, I said, I go, must be COVID, just joking around. and she was actually, you're positive. I'm like, no fucking way.

Like, no way. Because you felt fine. So I got IV vitamin drip, NAD, the whole deal. 24 hours later, I was negative. That NAD shit's amazing. Amazing. And I also, I'll say this. And this is, I'm telling you, I have, knock on wood,

I have not gotten sick in a while. Oh, yeah, you're healthy now. I'm healthy. That's how it works. That's how it works. But during the movie I did over the summer, And during production on series, first season one of my show, there were days, like, I remember the first day we were shooting, Bad Thoughts, season one, I was getting a cold. And I did NAD, like 500 milligrams or whatever, like the high dose three days in a row, and I was no long, and I had never experienced anything like that.

Because I was the type of person where like I get a cold and I am fucked for like weeks. and then the next time that I felt this like, I'm like, you know, you know, you're like, oh, I'm getting sick. It would, I was like, I'm doing the NAD thing again. Three days in a row, just jamming that shit into me, like high dosage, completely went away. That's crazy, isn't it? Like, it didn't dip into like, now you're really sick.

It just was like, I'm getting sick. I'm not sick anymore. Yeah. That was part of my COVID routine. The first time I had COVID, I did NAD along with IV vitamins. I don't even think I mentioned NAD. when I did that little video that went viral

but that was I recommend that to anybody whenever they get sick It's unbelievable High dose vitamin C is amazing too Amazing I can't believe it Yeah high dose vitamins

intravenously when you're not feeling well Is phenomenal Because it gives your body All the weapons that it needs To fight off whatever the fuck it's dealing with I feel like doing it tomorrow You should do it tomorrow Yeah you should do it all the time

You know what else you should start doing it Like I told you red light bed I know you've been on that for a minute Yeah, it's amazing. It's incredible. You said it helps your vision? It helped my vision. 100%. I don't even understand that. I understand the skin stuff. Red light helps. It gets... Was it collagen or something? Put that into our sponsor perplexity. What is the benefits that red light has on your vision? Why is it work? But it works 100%. I can tell you for a fact. There's two things that I've done. One thing I've taken a lot of supplements for eyesight. I always talk about this company, Pure Inc. encapsulations. I have no affiliation with them. I just buy their stuff. They have a thing called macular support. Yeah. Yeah, I take that stuff. So I take that stuff, and I've been very consistent with that. It has a bunch of new... I showed it to Huberman, and he went over the list, and it was like, oh, this is all great stuff. I take that, and I do red light multiple

days a week. And it took a while. In the beginning, I thought it was actually making my eyesight worse, because I was like... Because your eyes are covered during it? No, I keep them open. Keep your eyes open? Red light? Yeah, red light things. therapy using deep red wavelengths around 670 nm, I don't know what they mean, nanometers, shows promise in improving declining vision by boosting mitochondrial function in the retinal cells. Studies indicate benefits, particularly for age-related vision loss, that's me, macular degeneration and other eye conditions. Morning exposure appears most effective with effects lasting up to a week. So I do it, I try to do it three times a week. How long do you

do it for? I do it 20 minutes. It says short sessions, like three minutes a week, can enhance color contrast visioned by 17 to 20 percent adults over 34 with greater gains and older participants. That's me. I'm getting it. It makes a big difference. Therapy supports retinal health by reducing inflammation, improving visual acuity, and slowing proto-photoreceptor decline. Emerging evidence also suggests help for dry eyes, myopia progression in children and diabetic retinopathy. It works.

It works. I'm telling you it works 100% with me. I used to struggle reading the screen sometimes. It would be kind of blurry. I'd have to, like, Jamie make it bigger. Now, I can see things way better than I used to be. I wear glasses. When I said, Jamie make it bigger.

I used to. I wear glasses all the time now. I don't need them when I look at text messages anymore. I don't need them when I read emails anymore. And I don't need them on my computer anymore, which is a big one. That's a big one. Because I always used it when I wrote. And then I realized the other day, like, oh, my God, I'm writing and I don't have my glasses on.

Joey Diaz will be so happy if I'm whizies. What are you doing with those fucking? glasses. He goes, you're wearing your glasses. I call them up today. I go, I'm doing a podcast with Securities. He met Pepe Le Plupew over there in France, and now he's making quassants. Who's this fucking guy with his glasses? Glasses. He's always on me for that. By the way, I mean, that's Joey Diaz. It's Joe he's, yeah. It's not Pepey Lepeu. His name is Gian Basta. And it's Italian. It's an Italian bakery. Yes. Well, it's a problem. It is a problem. That chocolate croissant, you gave me is a real problem. Tell you.

It's buttery and flaky and perfect. It's perfect, dude. It's why I fell in love. I like a little more chocolate in there. I can tell them. A little more chocolate. Just a little. Don't be stingy with the chocolate. I fell in love with that chocolate croissant when I lived in LA.

You know, that guy was in my neighborhood. That's how this all started. That's a problem. And I would walk down there and sometimes I would buy like two dozen. And then I would walk back to my house and I would give away croissants to people walking down the street. I'd be like, you got to try these. Just regular people? Regular people.

I didn't even know them. I just got these croissants. I mean, I guess they didn't, but they would take them. And I would, I mean, I didn't get them all away. I would eat a lot of them, too. But I stayed in touch with this guy, and I would, every once in a while, I would go there, and I would get some of their pastries, and I would do, like, an Instagram video. Like, hey, I'm at this place, and I would just say it. And then I became friends with them, and they go, hey, you know, when you do that, they're like, a hundred people came today.

I was like, oh, that's cool. It was just like a friend. There was no business related. I was doing it because I liked it. we always stayed in touch and I moved here and I go when I'm in LA I'm gonna try to stop by and see you guys like that kind of thing

and we stayed in touch and I always be like it would be awesome if you opened one in Austin that conversation continued and then eventually we talked like hey what if we really did this and that conversation started like over a year ago and then our fixed location will open in March but we have a pop-up right now

I just don't know how you have the time for all this well I'm not here's the thing I'm not the one like I don't bake I'm the I'm a business partner in this and I market it in that I promote it but the easiest thing is to market something that's fantastic

and I actually thought about the fact that I was like for me this is like people trust your opinion on one of the reasons I think that on it was successful with you is that they're like this guy knows workouts he knows vitamins He knows, like, they, they, you have credibility in that.

You know what I mean? Like, having credibility in something is, is really important. For me, it's like, if there's one thing I completely trust myself on, is if I'm like, this tastes good, I don't doubt it. I'm like, this is good. I know what it's good. I've eaten at the best restaurants all over the world, and this is, like, my favorite, one of my favorite things has always been croissants and things like this.

So when I had his and I knew they were amazing, it was like, there's no, like, I'm selling it. I'm not like being like, oh, you should, you know, I'm making up, this shit's amazing. So all I do is go like, it's open. It's fucking amazing. And we're selling, we've sold out every day. That's incredible. We've never not sold out. Well, once you eat one of them, I get it.

Yeah, it's fucking. And he's always coming up with, like, at first I was like, oh, we're opening a croissant place. But he's doing like, you know, like the homemade focacha bread Italian sandwiches. He does homemade pizza. It's all every day. And he's whatever, like, inspired. him he makes that it's all he's amazing so it's like the easiest thing to be like yeah this is this is my bakery yeah i fucking love it such a truck i've thought about doing that with an italian deli yeah i've

talked to giovanni very briefly the guy in new york yeah that place opening up one of those out here how incredible would that be incredible those sandwiches i sent me and joe de rosa we send each other sandwiches yeah joe has his sandwich place yeah sandwich place is great yeah joey roses is fucking great. I sent him this place in Toronto. God, what is it called? Something Crudeau? Hold on a second. I'll find it. Oh, what happened to? Oh, the iPhone made everything different. Where'd you put it all? The fuck.

Is that it? Search in the bottom. Crude pizza? That's it. It's in Toronto. The sandwiches. Go to their Instagram. Where's this Crudeau pizza up there? That's their Instagram. Go down on their Instagram and find some of their fucking sandwiches. bro look at these fucking sandwiches oh yeah bro look at these sandwiches with their homemade bread look at these are insane and the bread's got a nice little char on it and they the bread comes out piping hot from the oven and they make the sandwich on this piping hot bread yeah show me one of

them videos where they're pulling the sandwiches out and making them because there's a few where you get to see how hot the bread is scroll down a little bit oh oh stop stop stop go up go no no back there you oh look at that Tommy look at no no you missed it watch this when he cuts it open oh and this yeah oh look at that the mortadella look at this oh my god look how insane that is this is my drug like this is if I have a problem with food it's this yeah it's Italian cold cut sandwiches and pasta yeah those are the problems I have a real problem with not eating that you know he's like olive oil on it oh look how he seals it up look at this oh look how it comes out of the oven bro are you kidding me you know what my guy started making now

like he's just on a whim he's like i made lasagna today oh no and then he's doing like different versions of it did one with like brisket in it like just crazy things and it it just goes of course yeah it's called by the way it's called chichobomba which is what you call yeah it's the name of it's the name of the bakery it's called chichobomba which is what you call a little fat ass kid in italy because bombas like explode so like when it gets a little fat ass that's fun that's It's called a fat ass. Yeah, it's called a little fat ass. Little fat ass kid.

Yeah. That's hilarious. Great idea, dude. Yeah, he's awesome. Him and Marlowe are awesome. It's hard staying thin, isn't it? Especially now you're in the 180s. It's, you could let it go.

You could let it go. Oh, yeah, look at you. Oh, yeah, look at you. They got excited about letting it go. Easy. I own a bakery. Yeah, just fucking not text your trainer back. Fuck you.

Fuck you for now. And when I stop by there, too, you know, it's like I have access to all of this. Yeah, you could eat free. Oh yeah and then whatever you want you can have to make you things I give I give most I take a bite of things and I'm like that's delicious and then I stop myself I'll let myself have a full thing but not every day dude not even not even every few days like once a week maybe when I used to come home from the store two things were a problem one of them was Jerry's famous deli I would go remember Jerry's Famous Deli they're gone now and then amazing Jerry's Deli's gone there was one in Woodland Hills that's gone that was the one I used to go through all the the time i think i think they're all gone now i don't know if any of them still exist hopefully one still exists jerry famous deli was fucking great they had the best chicken noodle soup man it ruled and they had pastrami rubens oh pastrami rubens with steak fries they were so good and if i was hungry coming home from the store that would be the spot the other spot that was a real problem

was crispy cream motherfucking donuts yeah i would drive by and i'd see that hot sign on Cheeseburgers too are a problem And now it's a problem That's a problem That's a problem There was that one in West Hollywood That I used to love I forget the name of that place

It was right near where I was working In post production The burgers were fucking unbelievable Another problem was canters Canters deli I think that's place is still open They were open 24 hours a day That was post show fun

Always I told you this before Because you know the power of delusion Is strong Is that when I would tour with you you, this is like, I would say like 2009, 10, Delta Terminal used to be Terminal 5 at LAX. Sometimes we would get back and we would land

because we would land in the morning, right? We did the show the night before. They had like a little deli bakery coffee place that had really good chocolate croissants. Oh, I remember that place. Yeah. And sometimes we would walk by and you'd get one. I was like, well, Joe got one.

I should get one. Like, he's in shape. shape this isn't bad like I just tell myself like you can eat this and because you would how you love those I remember those chocolate cassons rule that's one when you brought this one I was like oh that that's a problem it's a problem but they weren't as good as that no fuck no the ones at LAX were pretty good you're okay this is like a it's not no shit it's like a three-day process that's how long it takes for them to make a bachelor's yeah yeah like proofing the bread and it stays in this cabinet and they pull I mean it's a whole process and it's he has a he makes

like spolietella which is like it's okay said it that way oh and bombolone you know like just like incredible pastries man that like when you see them you're just like don't get fat bro it's so easy to get fat getting fat's a giant problem the older you get you're just like this could be real easy especially if you got obligations you got things to do and you're tired you're working i need structure dude that's what i get it i get it i need peace and quiet so i like working out by myself yeah yeah i don't i mean i like working out with comics sometimes we do those comic workouts here those are those are really fun but uh for me like my time working out when i'm like suffering by myself i i need that yeah i need by myself i don't want anybody talking to me about what they saw

in the news just asking me zone out you know what's j d vance like yeah no no no no no no yeah i'm here to fucking get after it yeah i just i my problem One of my problems is when I get, and I know this from Pat, like you just realize you have patterns, is that when I get to like a good place and relax. Yeah, and I do it when people are like, you look good. Yeah. And then I go, oh, I'm done. You know, that's been my pattern. Yeah.

So this time I've just been like, do not accept that thought. Yeah. You know. Yeah, you can't. there's no end there's no end finish line yeah

doesn't exist every day is a new unique little battle with your inner bitch it's really the truth it is the truth that's what it is every day

you wake up you go to war with your inner bitch that's why it's good to beat it early beat that fucker down early get the cold water

freeze your fucking dick off yeah get that fucking work out here getting the son afterwards and then you're like I'm good today today

today But the food is the bigger challenge for me. Like, I won't say that, like, workouts aren't hard. They're hard. And, like, I like it. I like the challenge. Staying on top of, like, how to eat is the bigger challenge. Well, there's a problem, too, with all these new medical advancements.

And one of them is there's a new peptide that they're showing is essentially, like, exercise in an injection. Is that sloop? I don't know what it is. I read some article about it, like, quite a while. while ago and I sent it to Brigham, what is this? He's like, dude, there's so much stuff on the horizon, so much groundbreaking stuff. But you're basically going to be able to get the benefits of exercise in a peptide. So it'll trick your body to think you exercised. I mean, Sloop does that. Is that what it is? That's one of the ones that does. It's in a pill

form, right? I haven't heard about you. It's called Sloop? Yeah. Yeah. Do you take in that? I have taken it? Yeah, I don't have any. What to do for you? You got some on you? I'm the, I'm like a crack addict. If you tell me something that would be good, I'll be like, cool. I'll inject like 40 things into myself. Yeah. What does this sloop do? Well, they did, they tested it on mice and found that by giving it to mice, they decreased their body fat and increased muscle, lean mass.

Doing nothing. Doing nothing. Wow. And so then they have started to, that's it right there, Sloop 332, yeah. Okay. In obese mouse models, Sloop 332 reduced fat gain by up to tenfold compared to controls, promoted at 12% body weight loss and enhanced metabolic function without altering appetite or activity levels.

Yeah. Yeah, it's exercise. It's exercise, dude. Exercise in a peptide. And you took it in a pill? Yeah. And so what did it feel like when you took it? Nothing.

Nothing. I felt nothing. I'm getting that shit tomorrow. Yeah. I'm on it. Let's go. Let's go. What happened to your pecker?

Did it get excited? Hell yeah. Rock hard. 24-7. That's what these goddamn things do. And you can just buy that stuff? Or is that a prescription thing? I don't think it's a prescription.

No, you can just buy it, but I think you just have to, like, go to a compound pharmacy or something. That kind of place, yeah. Yeah, they're trying to shut those places down. Are they? FTA. They want to own all that stuff. There you go. There it is.

Bam, Amazon. All over Amazon. Good or not, I don't know. I don't know. Check your own sources. One of the things that I've read about Amazon is that there's a lot of fake supplements on Amazon. Are there? Yeah.

Because how does that work? How are they even getting up on Amazon? I think that, well, that's a whole different thing, but they're just like, copying the labels and stuff and making it look like it. I've heard that's a problem with pure encapsulations. So I started buying

their stuff from their website because I read that. Because I read that like a high percentage was fraud. I don't know if you've ever researched this, but apparently when I was in Abu Dhabi, they were like,

they have what's considered some of like the cleanest vitamins. Like people go there just to get vitamins in the UAE. Really? Yeah, like the really high level vitamins for some reason. And I don't know what the thought is on that, but like a lot of people that travel in that region go to UAE to get their vitamins. That's interesting. I don't know if

their standard is just higher. Well, they have so much money. They do. And they also, you know, Sheikh Tocoon is a Brazilian Jujitsu Blackbell. He's a legit one. Bad motherfucker. Yeah. Henzo Gracie Blackball. And he's the one that created this Abu Dhabi Combat Club, that the championship. Yeah. He's also, like, incredibly fit. Yeah. His cardio was, I was talking to someone like that. No, he's a legit black belt.

He's a Henzo Gracie black belt. It's like, you know, there's levels of black belts out there. You heard about a guy got a black belt from this guy. I never heard of that guy. I don't know who that guy is, but I'm sure it was good. Yeah. And then you hear about someone who got a black belt from Henzo. You're like, oh.

Oh. Like Guy Richie is a Henzo Gracie black belt. Really? Yeah. I know guys have rolled with him. They're like, dude, he's legit. Yeah. It's like a Jake Paul thing.

Like, you don't think, all right, he's fucking Jake Paul, you can't fight. Isn't the guy from married with children? Ed O'Neill, legit Gracie Blackbilt.

Yeah. He got his black belt from Horian, or I think Horian or at least that school. You got it from Gracie Torrance. That was a surprise one to me. I was like, really?

Oh, he's legit too. Yeah. I sat next to him once on a plane randomly and we spent the entire flight just talking about Jiu-Jitsu. He was so excited. Oh, that's cool. There he is.

Yes, 2007, yeah, Horian Gracie, I was right. Two decades of training under Horian Gracie. Started at 42. Wow. That's another very legit black belt. You get a black belt from Horian, like you have a real black belt. But he's a big guy, man. He was a football player back in the day.

Wow. Yeah. That's awesome, man. Yeah, he's legit. So we were just, like I said, we were just randomly on a plane. And we just started talking about jiu-jitsu. We were both like little kids. Really?

Yeah. That's cool. Then I ran it to him another time randomly. in Hawaii in the ocean I was in the ocean I ran into him that's cool I was like hey what he doing man he's great I think he's a very nice guy very nice guy too easy got to talk to like regular person you know there's certain actors I feel like we have to get through this little wall of are you cool yeah yeah is this okay to talk to you yeah be mean to me like yeah yeah yeah it's like a thing and they think they get weird around comics too because they

They didn't want to wind up in your act. I got so lucky doing that movie over the summer in that I had like the best actors, like as far as like just fun, awesome people. Oh, that's nice. You know what I mean? Did you know they were fun before you work with them? No. And that's and you know what was funny is that their regular act, like they go from like set to set to set. Right.

And they kept telling me they were like, you know, this is like really special what's happening here. And I'd be like, what do you mean? They're like, this is awesome. Everyone's having the best time every day. Everyone's hanging out. We're all going to dinner together. We're hanging out on weekends. Everyone likes each other.

It was like the best experience. I think actors sometimes are so competitive with each other. Yeah, we didn't, none of that. People were just, and when you do have a cool vibe like we had, everyone's just trying to make every scene better. Right. You know, and like, you want the guy to be, like, I want him to be super funny in this because it's going to be funny in the movie.

Well, it's like stereotypes get created because of the worst people in whatever category you're talking about. And if you're talking about actors, it's not all of them. were really cool. Yeah, of course. Like Chris Pratt. I've hung out with that guy a bunch of times. He's really cool. Yeah. Easy to hang out with. Giant movie star. Like, but like so normal. Right. I went elk hunting with that guy. Really? Yes. Super cool guy to everybody. Like easy to talk to. We're eating dinner together all hanging out with guys. Fucking so normal. It's rare. Just happens to be a famous actor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So normal. But there's guys like that

that you meet him. And you go, oh, okay. Like Woody Harrelson. The fucking nicest guy. Woody seems awesome. So easy to hang. You can't get a hold of him. He's got no phone. He's got no email. You had, I'm just a huge fan, but I saw a clip of you had a Billy Bob Thornton on it. Oh, he's the best.

Dude. I can watch that guy do fucking anything. The best to talk to, too. Like, so easy to talk to. And the other one, I think you had him on too. But I always see this guy in interviews. And it's always like, I end up sharing it with everybody is Ethan Hawke. Ethan Hawks great.

I mean, his his wisdom and like his philosophy. on art and on life. I'm like, this guy's like a Messiah. He's just like so fascinating to listen to. Well, he's a real artist. Yeah. Really, and loves, like, I asked him this question because I've always wanted to know,

like, is this the same thing as like being in the zone and other things? Like, what happens when you're doing a scene? Why is it so believable? I know you're Ethan Hawke. I know that's Denzel Washington. I know that you guys are acting. But yet I'm in.

Yeah. I'm in. Like, what is that? Yeah. And he talked about that, that is, it is like what it is with stand-up. It's like a hypnosis. It's like they're hypnotized. They're so locked in and they believe so much what they're saying that you believe it, too.

Right. It's, it's truth. It's that the scene reads as true. They're not making, you know, there's times when you're watching something and you're like, I don't buy that. And that's why you step out. Right. You step out because you're like, that's not. It's performative.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you realize that someone is performing. forming rather than being like really locked into it whatever it is somebody said one time and i totally agree it's like one of the reasons why we revere denzel so much is like every time he's on screen you believe every choice that he makes yes you know you're just like i believe this yeah there's only a few people like that you know claire daines is definitely one of them she's fantastic so good dude i mean i don't want to give away any parts of it but there's this one part where she

find something out yeah her fucking whole face starts shaking yeah i was like how are you even doing that yeah it's she she starts breathing heavy nothing freaks me out more than someone that finds out something crazy and doesn't have like a physical reaction to it because anybody that's ever had anything crazy happen to them your heart starts racing yeah yeah you can't breathe yeah and some people just don't nail that but she she nailed it so hard I felt like she really believed it yeah you know and I believe I'm like oh my god yeah you start freaking out too that scene was so good that I was as I was watching I was like damn she's good yeah That's why I was thinking during the scene.

I was like, damn, she's good. You have to call me when you finish this. I will. It's so good. She ruled in Homeland, too. She was great in that, too. Yeah. She's really a tremendous actress.

Did you ever see the conversation she had? She had a conversation with fucking, what's his name, the vaccine dancer guy, Colbert. And, like, she was talking about the CIA being involved in all sorts of different things. And see if you can find it because he, like, changes the. subject like immediately really yeah because she's like saying wild shit about the CIA well the CIA being involved in I forget exactly the context of what you were saying something here it is spy camp for us producers and writers and really yeah is it like you know we park ourselves in a club in Georgetown and talk to like

real spooks and you know people in the intelligence community and and and the state department and journalists and people who really... What do they tell you that, like, what's the most surprising thing that they've told you about their jobs or something you would need to know from the area? Well, every year it's different, right? We've been at it for a while, and the climate has been, has changed. But this year, it was all about, you know, the distrust between the administration and the intelligence world, and the intelligence community was suddenly kind of allying itself with

journalists, which usually they're not such good friends. How long ago did you start doing this episode? Like, the intelligence community aligns itself with journalists to try to get rid of the president. I had one time, this is not the same thing, but I had a, I know somebody who was very high up, I'll just say in the intelligence community and is older now. And I have a relationship with them. And I was talking, sometimes we would talk through, it was through, you know, my parents that knew these people. And I was, I would love to talk to this person because they were so. not just well-informed, intelligent, like fun to have a conversation with.

And I was on the phone with them. And as I asked a question, they go, not on the phone. And I kind of was like, repeating myself. I go, not on the phone. I was like, oh, like it just, it was one of those moments where I felt. I was like, oh, okay. I was like, yeah, I'll see you later.

Sorry. I got so scared. Like, I felt like I violated it. I'm sure every phone call they make is being recorded. Yeah. Yeah. Especially if you have inside information, about something very important,

and you're supposed to stay secret about it. Yeah. And you start blamming, hanging out in Scottsdale, doing blow. Yeah. Talking about what we're doing in Syria. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You end up getting whacked by some crazy person

that kills himself. A car accident or something. Yeah, something happens. Yeah. You know about this MIT Fusion guy that got assassinated? Mm-mm. Supposedly. The same guy who assassinated the MIT Fusion guy

also went to Brown University and shot people at Brown and then killed himself. really yeah and a lot of people are like what this guy was working on groundbreaking energy he was working on fusion at MIT and he was also talking about the poles the earth's poles shifting and that this is a natural process that happens that we have to do to keep our magnetosphere that protects us from the fucking rays of space what is our world dude what is happening there's a lot of people that get killed because they are inventing things that are going to disrupt industries that's what I believe and this is why we scroll take six hours on TikTok just like I don't want to fucking yeah you don't want to know you don't certain things you don't want to know and Kurt Metzger texts me all of them really text me all of them everything that I don't want to know it shows up I'm like fuck or Dylan Tim Dylan text me all and I texted to them too if I find something out

because there's just so much nutty shit in the world where you're like what is going on like people getting whacked and oh yeah it can overwhelm you it can overwhelm you yeah and i know so many people that are like legitimately mentally ill because they dwell on that stuff all day long which is why we need the escape yeah yeah you need something and you also should limit your amount of time you're exposed to all that psychotic behavior because it starts shaping the way you view people you know if you if you interact with people more on social media than you do in real life it can really fuck your head up so many people do that a lot of people a lot of people do that yeah especially that was one of the real problems during covid too so that people were isolated and that

that was the only way they were interacting with each other the fucked up thing is you realize how much those people end up like losing that connection with other like real people uh-huh they think that this is yeah they think this is real life this is the real world yeah They live in the comment section It's crazy It's such a Like it's like eating food that has no nutrients in it And your body's just freaking out

Like where the fuck are the vitamins? Yeah There's no vitamins in it It's just nonsense And it's also like What percentage of it is even real people It's not a hundred There's a bunch of it

It's just like bad actors from other countries And people with fucking flags And their bios And who knows what is going on and it's all just to try to shape narratives, we're involved in it, Russia's involved, China's involved, corporations are involved. There's like entire companies that are based around crowd campaigns about organizing attacks on individuals, organizing narrative control, or organizing pushing a certain narrative. Entire businesses are built on that, where they try to shape things and make things go viral. Yeah, it's nuts.

There's, oh, my God. It's a complete new part of our society that didn't exist before, and it shapes the way we view the world, and it's being purposely manipulated by people, and it's legal because safeguards haven't put into place. And also the amount of times that, like, people are talking to bots and, like, losing themselves. I don't mean, like, a scam. I mean, like, fucking, they're interacting just like with, you're interacting with a computer right now. Uh-huh, yeah, all the time. I started getting these weird WhatsApp group texts of investors. people investing in things

and how much money they're making this is incredible sign me up and like all these random fake people will be in the little oh really group chat talking about how oh I can't wait to get involved in this

you know I'm gonna go all in on this and then trying to get you to go oh I should go all in too I should give you my bank account number can I take her a bigger position on it can I wire some money to you fuck man and so many dumbasses get sucked into things like that

The best, though, is when it happens to, like, somebody will be like, I sent 80 grand of Brad Pitt. And you're like, what? They're like, Brad Pitt was, like, messaging me. And it's just like some 60-year-old lady. And she was like, it was, you know, it just felt so real. And it's like, it's like a deep fake. He's like, hi, Amanda. How is, how are you today, my love?

If you could just send me $30,000 to get out of this. And then she's like, and I did it. I feel like an idiot. You're like, yeah, you fucking thought Brad Pitt needed 30 grand? Well, here's the thing. If you've got a scam, like, there's certain scams we allow, right? Yeah. Like, here's one, tell evangelists, we allow that scam.

Yeah. Because if you're so dumb that you think Robert Tilden has got a red line, direct line to Jesus. Yeah. You know, go ahead. You don't ride a chick to me. Yeah. The devil's going to win. He bought like a G4.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They all do. They all do. This is the one crazy guy that was pointing out the reporter with the devil eyes. That's the one. No, that's not Robert Tildon. No, but that's the guy who, he bought that. Because she was asking him about that plane.

Tyler Perry, gave me such a deal. Yeah. Boy, he's just, I had to take this plane. Oh, my God. That guy looks cracked out. Yeah, he looks scary. But that scam, we allow. You know, we allow certain scams.

Yeah, we let that one go. Like, if you're so dumb that you buy into that, like, that's not even illegal. I do feel so, so bad, though, when it happens to the elderly. Oh, it's terrible for them. It's terrible. That guy. This guy. Kenneth Copeland.

Yeah, this guy's a spectacular piece of shit. Imagine that dirty finger in your asshole. Here's my plane, y'all. Dirty plane. Wealthy televangelist defends using private aircraft in viral exchange. Yeah. Medea gave me a deal. He's got to do all of his work.

He's got to do all that work. Preacher who wants $54 million jet will donate old jet. What a good guy. What a sweet guy. Which that guy. Jesse Duplantis. See, like, those guys, we allow that. We allow that kind of thing.

Which is crazy. They should be in prison. They're fucking scumbags. Yeah, but they're getting people to voluntarily give the money, which is weird. Then there was the guy. This guy asked his congregation for $65 million to buy a jet. Do you remember the one that was like locked the doors and that was a whole scandal? He's like, shut the doors, lock the doors.

Oh, for what? For donations. He's like, we are not leaving. Oh, that's right. That's right. We're not leaving here. until you shut the doors. Yeah, who is that guy?

Pastor Lock's church door demands $40,000. Yeah. Usher's close the doors. There's a thousand of you close them doors. Usher's close the doors. That is so crazy. That's so crazy. He said lock the doors.

People fucking do it. Well, there was the thing during the, what is it, Katrina? Or what was it down in Houston? So one of the floods. with that dude the famous one Oh yeah The guy that has the big arena

Yeah What's his name? Fuck what is his name? Jamie You know what I'm talking about Big shit eating grin Yeah Black hair

Joel Osteen Osteen That guy yeah Yeah He wouldn't let the homeless Go ahead Yeah Yeah you can't go

No no no Like we need places to put people Not in here Yeah It's gonna be gross People have lost their homes No no no no No you can't shit on my floor

No, get out of here The power of Christ I think he did eventually let everybody in under pressure Wow They shamed him into it Yeah, he realized like

Oh yeah, I got to What would Jesus do? Yeah Jesus would just hire more people to clean up Jesus would get the all new Global 7500 Yeah

Jesus would get a new Rolls Royce Unreal Yeah They all do it though That's what's funny They all have super expensive suits And tax free right

Yeah This is religion Yeah That's the nuttiest part That's the weird part about the scam is that you're allowed to be tax-free. Fucking A. That is weird. It is weird.

It's also weird when you think about what happens on the corporate level. That there's these corporations that make like hundreds of billions of dollars. And they're like, yeah, they didn't pay tax on this because they're this corporation. Right. Those are tax loopholes, though. Yeah, well, they'll funnel it to Ireland and then not pay tax on it. Well, supposedly that's what Jeffrey Epstein did for people. Found those tax loopholes.

People with tax loopholes and, you know, they help rich people figure out how to save money or invest money. It exists for a reason, right? Well, scumbags. Yeah. They've all put it in place, you know? Powers that be go. I got you. They just want to make sure that they keep the most amount of money possible.

Yeah. And then there's that thing where, like, no one should be a billionaire. Well, okay, hang on. Do you like having a fucking iPhone? Yeah. Somebody had to make that. They're working 16 hours a day. Like, you don't want to be Tim Cook.

I'm not saying Yeah, yeah You know what I'm saying You don't want to be Steve Jobs Guy died young because of it But I guess the argument That some people make against that Is not that that guy

shouldn't be wealthy It's that when they have this Overabundance of wealth And that the people that also work there Don't have like certain health coverage Or something You're like really? Like these Amazon warehouse guys

Or like fucking dying in the warehouse Are they? Well I mean they talk about These work conditions That are sometimes deplorable Right And then you have the people at the top with like hundreds of billions of dollars like you can't trickle any of that

down to like some of your workers that that always seems like a legit complaint from people to me oh for sure yeah I mean listen if they didn't work you would have nothing exactly that's what's weird this guy's doing like he's making like $15 an hour but if he didn't start the company they wouldn't have a job true but you know a certain point in time it's like spread it around right around a little bit yeah spread it around seems like better for everybody if you spread it around maybe people wouldn't hate as much there's always going to be people that like you should donate it all i mean that's like the the beautiful utopian there is that one that did it too

was it the patagonia guy didn't i think it's the patagonia guy that became a legit billionaire and donated almost every fucking penny of it i think it's him you know that song i'd love to change the world i'd love to change the world but i don't know what to do is that right jamie was it him I might have typed in Patagon. First just typed in billionaire that gave donated everything and another guy popped up. There's probably a bunch of those guys. It's one of those, it's one of the outdoor, you know, apparel people. It's an outdoor apparel billionaire who literally, I think, gave away like 98% of his.

Yeah, the dude like kept like a million dollars. Where did he give it to? Because somebody probably took his money. They're probably living on a yacht somewhere. That's the problem. I think he gave it to like a lot of land present. preservation type of things. Oh, good stuff.

Yeah. Things that make sense. Okay. I'm pretty sure. Well, that's smart if you're an outdoor company. Yeah. And that's what you love. But it is like that almost unbelievable.

You know what I mean? Level of generosity. Mm-hmm. That a guy won in capitalism to that degree and was like... He probably did mushrooms one day. It was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? I'm living in this is a prison.

Yeah. I'm being in prison by all this money. Yeah, maybe. Sam Walton was apparently like pretty down to earth. too, you know, the Walmart guy got started, yeah, I mean, he drove his old pickup truck, even when shit was, like, really, I mean, he died

a long time ago. His kids don't live like that. I would have yelled at him if he had an old pickup truck. If I was Joey Diaz. The fuck are you doing with this old pickup truck? You're bawling now, cuck, sucker. Yeah. Get a fucking Cadillac at least. Yeah, his his, uh,

you know, children and grandchildren live a very different life. Of course. Yeah. Yeah, they're Nepo babies. Yeah. Yeah, that's not good. That's a tough way to live. It is. When Forbes named Sam Walton, America's richest man, October 28, 1985, people were shocked at to discovery, lived a humble life in Bentonville, Arkansas, with a muddy bird dog running around

the yard. He was America's richest man in 1985. They also surprised his choice of vehicles, 1979 Ford, F-150. But as Sam said, why do I drive a pickup truck? What am I supposed to do? Hall my dogs around in? A Rolls-Royce? He's just played who he was.

Yeah. Also, it's different, I think, when you, he made it to that level as like, you know, a regular guy. He was already, and he was already, like, in his 40s or something, 50s, like, it was just different for him. He wasn't, he wasn't handed anything. Don't forget who you are. Don't forget who you are, cocksucker. Yeah, he didn't. Well, some people do.

Yeah. That is weird, too, right? It's weird. Weird when people change, like, radically. So radically, yeah. Yeah. And, but also that level of wealth is, like, not something that most people can even. Fathom.

No, you can't comprehend billions. He was the richest man in the world. Yeah. And he drove a pickup truck with a bunch of dogs. Like, what are you doing with your money? I was watching that, um, that documentary about the murder in Monaco. Did you watch that one? No, what's that one?

That one was about a guy who was one of the 200 wealthiest people in the world. Saffron, I think is his last name. He was a banker. And, um, he lived an ostentatious life. I mean, like out of control. Humongous villas. He had 25 security guards around him at all times and was like a target. And he was murdered in his penthouse in Monaco.

What was he doing that everybody wanted him dead? He just had a lot of, well, one of the things is that he invested or was like one of the people that got this Russian, I don't know if it was like Russian crypto, some type of currency or stock market in Russia that collapsed when Russia devalued their currency by like. 75% all of a sudden one year. So billions of dollars disappeared from people. And so he became like a target of the Russians, but he also had connections to a lot of government. When you're a high-level banker with banks everywhere, you're deeply connected to some like not-so-great people.

And so there was always like who did it. And then his wife who it was, I think she was, he was her fourth husband. also had two other husbands die one of them was like the richest guy in Brazil oh boy oh boy and then people suspected that this guy saffron's nurse may have killed him and there was this what the documentary was about and they interviewed him and like the documentary supposed like when the documentary male nurse male nurse who and he was convicted he was convicted

and he served like 10 years and then he's in the documentary doing the interview, right? Like they keep interviewing him and other people and then it's like the documentary ends and then

the documentary filmmaker is like this was where the documentary was supposed to end but this guy who we just did this documentary about this male nurse as we were in post production on this got arrested

for he did like some forged checks shit, I think maybe in Arizona and got locked up and his cellmate was like, yeah, he tried to hire me to kill his ex-wife. So then he got put on trial for soliciting

to murder his ex-wife. And then they go and interview him again. He was like, no, it's all bullshit, man, I'm telling you this fucking bull. He's like, it's very strange. And it's like, it's one of those things where you're like, you don't think it's the guy

and then you do think it's the guy. What's it called? I think it's called murder in Monaco Monaco is a crazy place Have you been there? I've never been to Monaco It's really wild though It's weird

There's so much money there Everywhere you look is a Rolls Royce or a Ferrari It's like what is going on here Highest like Amount of millionaires and billionaires In the geographic like square mile or whatever Because it's so small actually Right and if you have residency there

I believe there's like crazy tax benefits You don't pay taxes You don't pay taxes And guess what? When the husband died, the wife got her Monaco citizenship, like that week and then inherited the money didn't pay any tax. Wow. Yeah. How hard is it to get a Monaco citizenship? I bet it's somewhat challenging. Really? I think so. I don't know. I don't know. Got to meet the right people? I would assume, I mean, I know like, for instance, you know where it's like impossible and there's great benefits to it as UAE. They don't give that shit to anybody. Oh, really? Yeah, you got to be from there.

And that's the same kind of benefits, right? Yes, massive, massive benefits of being a... There's even a thing if you're a UAE citizen. Like, if we have the same job and you're a non-citizen and I am a citizen, I get double your salary. Wow. Just from being from UAE, things like that. Yeah. Government will also pay for your housing, give you a car, pay for your education.

Yeah. But they have a small... One of the reasons they have extreme wealth, But they also don't have a high population of native citizens. Right. So they're able to do things like that also. And they have insane oil money. Insane.

Especially in Abu Dhabi. Well, that's when people talk about, like, the richest man of the world. Yeah. Like, okay, publicly. Yeah. But those guys don't have to tell you how much money they have. There's also a big difference between being extremely wealthy holding stock and extremely wealthy holding cash. Yeah.

That's a real big difference. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why it's wild what these guys are. are doing with like the Saudi Arabians are doing with boxing because they're just going, what fight, what do you guys want to see? Yeah. Okay, let me call that guy. Yeah. We'll give you $100 million. Like, what? Yeah. And then they're like, that ain't shit. That's fine. Yeah. Yeah. That Saudi entertainment fund is, it's the government's fund. What was it like doing

that Riyadh festival? Fantastic. Yeah? It was fantastic. I mean, the, the people there were amazing. Like, you know, there's always like, you look at things on the news and you have your preconceived notion of like what things are right but when you're on the ground somewhere and you're with people you know i was just meeting wonderful people we went to the they had the the comedy club there we went to the club like not what we were brought there to do like they have like comedy pod i think is called and it was just like i mean it was just saudi com like local people and the crowd was just citizens just like and they were all just so warm and welcoming and they were such huge admirers of ours of like American comedy

and American podcasts and they were just super sweet like they were so genuine and what is the restrictions in terms of like language and subject matter so everybody was highly highly highly well versed

in not just English but like American pop culture so everything we talked about they got everything you know they got everything I mean I went one the night before I went to see Jimmy Carr and Louis perform and like I was I was like

holy shit they get like even like the little throwaway lines you know like the things that aren't even like the bit like the little jokes um the only restriction that we were that we had was about Islam and the royals that was it which wasn't really a hard thing for most people to adhere to because like you know like me and those guys like we didn't have Islam or royal jokes we weren't we weren't cutting anything from our acts right so I was like yeah by the way when we did UA.E, you know, like Dubai and Abu Dhabi, they were like, do not talk about, same thing. Don't talk about our royals. Don't talk about Islam.

Don't be like super graphic about, but then we did do graphic stuff. And they were like, yeah, that's fine. They're like, just take it easy on the, on the royals and on Islam. But I was like, yeah, that's not a challenge for me. But the country, like as far as like the people that we met, they were all fantastic. They were really sweet people. It's just people have a weirdness of like you're going over there because the Saudi royal family has the money, right? The Saudi family is the family that funds the entertainment fund.

Right. Then people were like, they would accuse me of what aboutism for saying that that's the same fund that paid for Ed Shearan to come and Beyonce to come to do their shows. And like that's what I'm like, that's just facts. Like it's not what aboutism. It's like, that's the money that funds entertainment. And then some people will go, well, you should do it if the money came from, like, let's say, a promoter. But you're like, yeah, but that doesn't exist yet. Do you know what I mean?

Like, this is the system that's in place. Now, maybe in like. So who accused you of what aboutism? Just people were so vocally upset that we went. That we went. Yeah. And I was like, I mean, first of all, the way that I went was that I was doing. Dubai. I was, like, I was booked to do Dubai, which is in UAE.

It was already announced, and then three months later, I got a call and they're like, hey, do you want to do Riyadh? It's like a 90-minute flight. I'm like, I'm in the fucking Middle East. Yeah, I'll add a show, you know, like I'm there. It's like routed. Did you know as a festival? I knew it was a festival. And then they told me the lineup, and the lineup was bananas. Right. It was like, Kevin Hart, Bill Burr, Dave Chappelle. I was like, oh, I was like, that sounds like a great lineup. I didn't think really like that I was doing something that would upset I had no idea I had no idea and then we didn't think it would be something that people would get offended by I mean the people that were most offended with the

comics that weren't invited yeah I know there's a lot of them that was a lot of them that was a lot of them were super vocal and I'm like you can't sell a ticket in Houston I don't know why you're upset about Riyadh like no one's going to see you anyway right it was a bunch of like 50 year old feature acts that were upset and then we went over there had a great time and I actually think that like one of the things that was overlooked is the fact that we were all saying they're like oh you you had to adhere to i was like dude i told you the two restrictions which i we had didn't affect my act and i do think it's a sign of their progress that they put on this festival and that we were saying all kinds of wild shit like the shit that we say on stage

without talk we didn't talk about islam right i mean that wasn't a crazy thing to me like I think that that's showing, because what's happening actually there is that right now the entertainment hub of the Middle East is Dubai. That is the entertainment hub of the Middle East. That's where people go. That's their Vegas. Big shows, spectacles, all types of shit. Saudi Arabia is like, no, we want to be the hub.

And they have super deep pockets. And so they're trying to be to compete with Dubai. in entertainment that's that's what like the fuel of this is right and putting on this festival to me felt like that's that's a path towards their goal of like entertainment can be here and they put on a great festival treated us fantastic you know people get I don't mind if people are like you can be mad be mad about whatever you want I don't care but as an experience it was an amazing experience and I do think that they'll continue to put on these festivals it'll be very interesting to watch as this festival continues who goes who gets invited and goes who was

against it at the beginning because you know it's going to be a few people and i have some screenshots that i've said so we'll see who maybe perhaps it's interesting it's it's interesting that comics are held to a higher standard than singers or other people that perform over there yeah i mean it is weird though you know because it's like comedy uniquely challenges the idea of free speech yeah sure yeah that makes sense Yeah, yeah, but I mean, because it's not like, if someone says don't sing any songs about Islam, you're like, well, I don't have any songs about Islam. But I have to say that also, like some of these comics who are saying this, like, oh, you know, you don't have free speech and you adhere to these restrictions. It's like, have you ever done a private?

Have you ever done a university? I have. Yeah. They had restrictions. Yeah. You know, they were like, don't talk about our mascot. Don't talk about this. Don't talk about that.

Yeah. Specifically, if you don't have that in your act already, then the question is, should you be working for those people because of what happened with Jamal Khashoggi? That's everyone's big argument. I think Dave had the best line about that. Yeah. It's like, Israel killed 240 journalists last month. Yeah. You know, like, what are you talking about?

I mean, it's a last three months. It's a fair point. It is a fair point. Yeah. It's just different, right? Like one guy was sought up in an embassy taking away in suitcases. It's not good. It's a awful. It's horrific what happened. But also, I mean, if you want to, like, go down that, that line of that argument. Then you shouldn't be working in America either. I mean, that's, like, are we saying that only their awful thing is worth fighting against? They're funding it, right, as opposed to, like, if you work in America, it's not, the CIA doesn't fund a comedy. sure sure you know what I mean okay well I mean these yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of ways to look at it and if it if it really upsets you my position is good well the other thing let it upset you yeah let it upset you the other thing that like culturally it is a good thing to bring great comics over to Saudi Arabia I think so good for people to hear what these Jimmy Carr and you and Louis and Bill and all these comics have to say and Dave it's a good thing for the culture like it's a good thing for human it's a good thing for human it's a good

thing to open up society. And it seems like outside of this whole Jamal Khashoggi thing, which, again, is undefensible, right? Yeah. Outside of that, this is a more progressive organization. Like, they are letting women drive now. They're like, slowly this is coming into a more modern. It is progress. It is a sign of progress. Whether people accept that or not, it is a sign of progress there. Yeah, it doesn't help the people there if you never interact with them ever again because of something their government did. Exactly. And I have to tell you, if you saw the faces

of these people that we were performing for and the, I mean, when you could, because sometimes they're like this. But like how genuinely thankful and excited they were to be at these shows. It was awesome. If you lived in Saudi Arabia, you never would imagine you'd see a lineup like that.

Oh, my God. I mean, some of the guys, they were telling us, they were like, dude, like 10 years ago, they're like, nothing like this could have ever, ever happened here. So I don't know how you don't see that as some type of progress. What's up, Jamie? I've just stumbled across something insane. What?

This is on the justice websites, justice.com. Jamie's scrolling through justice websites? No, I just saw a tweet and click the link. Okay, let's hear it. What is this? Corner of the screen says Jay Epstein. Jeffrey Epstein killing himself? What?

That's the date. So what is he doing here? Oh, no. It's a 12-second video that someone found on their website. Let me see that again? Put that up. Can you pause it and make it larger? So is he hanging himself there?

Is that what this is? It looks like he's leaning forward. I'm not showing it on screen because I don't, you know, I don't even realize this is. But I don't even know if that's like what is. It looks like plain white hair. I don't know if it was, you know. Well, he definitely had white hair. But like, that's the date?

Is that him with a thing wrapped around his neck and he's trying to kill himself? I don't. That's almost those. So one thing that's important was he had a previous suicide attempt, supposedly. When he was locked up. Yeah. I mean, that's one of the reasons why he was under like 24-hour supervision. That's the case, right?

Didn't he have a previous suicide attempt? I don't even know if someone found this. That's crazy. That's on the government website? But you imagine that they've had this footage the whole time. Is that real? I'll show you out. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

And it's like, who knows what's real? I watched a cruise ship hit a bridge and the bridge fell apart and everybody died. It's fake. Oh, yeah. For like half of a second, though, I was like, oh, my God. I thought it happened today. Like, something new tragedy. And then I'm like, wait a minute.

How much better are they going to get at that, too? Oh, it's going to be impossible to tell. It's so much better than it was just a couple of years ago. So someone guessed the URL of the files that were uploaded to DOJ's website that were not announced yet and found the video. Holy fuck. Okay, and then they corrected it says it's 100% fake. Oh, but it's on that website still, which is... It's on the Justice Department of website.

Yeah, so I guess it means there's fake shit on the website. Oh, boy. This video is 100% fake with a visual deed released by the DOJ. It seems it's a collection of files collected by investigators, and this fake video originated on 4chan. So even they're getting... 4chan strikes again. Yeah, man, there's...

It's going to be impossible to know in the future. There's no way to tell. There's no way. There's going to get real fucking weird Because already with the voice stuff is crazy Like I can listen to something For like your voice And I'll be like

And then find out that it's vague I didn't I mean I can't alter it To make you excited Make you little sad here And in like your case In my case there's just thousands of hours Of us speak So it's even easier

Oh yeah And that won't even matter in the future It's like with the newer technology They'll be able to manipulate it And it's gonna get way better Yeah That's what's I mean What does that even mean?

What does it mean? Tom Seguera, tell everybody once again, you've got some comedy special. It's called Teacher. It's on Netflix. When does this come out? You're in the hint. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to play a sound like this.

This will be out tomorrow. Oh, great. Yeah. So is just Christmas? Yeah. Comes out Christmas Eve. Nice. On Netflix.

It's called Teacher. I'm very excited about it. I thank you so much for watching it over this holiday break. It's a good time to release. I toured for two years. years to get ready for this one. I'm very happy with it, so I hope you enjoy it. Well, if it's any of the stuff that I've been watching, it's going to be awesome. Thanks, brother. Thank you so much. Thanks for having you, man. Beautiful to see. I'm excited. I'm happy. All right, that's it.

Bye, everybody. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.