The Joe Rogan Experience - #2442 - Ehsan Ahmad

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

Ehsan Ahmad is a comedian and co-host of "The Solid Show" with Deric Poston. His new comedy special, "Ehsan Ahmad: Too Soon," is streaming on YouTube. https://youtu.be/m6weMUz0lqA?si=mLbn1S0fCogIg0mjwww.youtube.com/@TheSolidShow2024www.ehsancomedy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Rogan podcast, checking out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. fella? Hey, brother. Good to be back, Joe. Good to see you as always. Yeah, yeah.

This time I have something to, like, actually promote. Well, you're always promoting. So, I mean, any kind of appearance is sort of a promotion. Right. You're promoting the audience gets to see you. Right. Right. Right.

It was so funny because I got me thinking. So I started to watch. Patrice's Opie and Anthony appearances because there's a list of them on Spotify and what was so funny to me was like

that you know how they have these like these group of like mentally disabled people that they kind of fuck with Opie and Anthony yeah yeah it was rough

carousel it's like kind of mean it's kind of horrible yeah it's kind of like ooh I'm kind of glad we're past that but what made me laugh is every single one of them

at the end of the thing was like and here's my website like on a website And I was like, damn, I've been on the Joe Rogan experience twice, and I don't even have a website. You didn't have a website? I didn't have a website. This is the first time I had a website. Wow.

What did you do? Did you make it yourself? No, I realized like, oh, I got to just pay people to do stuff like that. That's out of my wheelhouse of, like, things I can do. Ironically, I'm terrible with technology for a guy who looks like me. There's some things you could do, like Squarespace has a great setup. It's pretty easy to do. Yeah.

Yeah, but I think that's just pure. It's like pure laziness almost on my end for sure. And a little bit like I spend so much time on my like my brain space and this is dedicated to my jokes. I kind of shut out everything else. It's a fun time to be alive. One of the things is really that's really exciting about the mothership is for someone like me who's been doing comedy for so long. It's really exciting to watch people's careers launch. You know, like see guys like Cam Patterson go from getting a spot on Kill Tony to being a regular on Kill Tony,

being on fucking Saturday Night Live. Boom. It's crazy. Like some of them like Christina Mariani now just like sells out rooms at the comedy store all the time. She's killing it. And then you have like Peyton Ruddy and like Dylan Carliner. These are just guys who are just at the club and just made away like social media life. And you get to see people get just tighter and better like McCusker's new set like we did last night.

Really fucking good, man. Super solid. Really fun. It's just like, we got a good thing. It's a good thing, man. It's a good thing. Yeah, it's just a fun place to be around. Everyone just working jokes. That's what it is, really.

It's so funny. There is such this narrative outside of the ship about what Austin comedy is. And it's really just a bunch of people just doing jokes. The narrative is only with jealous people. It's not based on any reality. It's not based on people who go there and hang out. Right. Well, it's always these people who love to talk about Austin, but they don't talk to anyone in Austin.

It's like there's a bunch of comics willing to hang out and talk to you. I think I've told you this before. But I have a friend of mine who's, you know, somewhat of a philosopher, an online friend. I don't even know what he looks like. We've been going back and forth for years. But he warned me about this a long time ago. He said, you've created a walled garden. And he goes, and you've got all these friends and you're all supporting each other and you're all having fun.

But there's a lot of people that feel on the outside and they feel like left out of it. And so they're like, fuck those people. That party sucks. You know, it's kind of along those lines. And, you know, if you could find some connections to other negative things, You know, like me and Tony, we have this connection to Trump, and so to Shane. And, you know, there's all sorts of that. Oh, fucking, you got to be a right winger to be.

And then the narrative comes up, oh, you got to tell jokes about fucking trans people. You have to, like, you can't be a liberal. You can't be a this. You can't be like. Well, that the whole, the whole, like, you have to be a right winger. That's like, to me, that's, like, massive projection. Because there are these spaces where, like, if you're a right winger in comedy, like, there's, like, leftist spaces that you just can't be in.

For sure. You'll get pushed out. Right. You'll get treated badly, more importantly. Whereas at the mothership, like that fucking green room, like 80% of the time, it's mostly, like, progressive people. Yeah. Oh, and then everyone who, a lot of people, most of the people who work there are mostly left wing. Yeah. Yeah, it's a place where it's a place where, but because right wing people, I guess, are allowed to be here or, like, also allowed to be here, it's all of a sudden this right wing Nazi haven.

Well, it's also, it's like, what does that even mean? Right. Like, what is right wing? Like, because you don't think that that candidate and what they were doing by, like, storming the fucking gates with illegal immigrants. You don't think that was a good idea? You don't think, like, rampant spending, completely unchecked with no documentation, like, what's going on in California? You don't think that's a bad thing? What Tim Walts is doing?

There's so much of it, man. But then it's also, like, yeah, what ICE is doing? Like, fucking shooting that lady seems kind of crazy. You know, like grabbing people that happen to be American citizens and fucking dragging them out onto the snow and asking them for their papers. That seems kind of fucking crazy, too. Yeah, that seems insane. But it's also like they have a crazy job. Like, imagine you're a nice agent.

Just imagine what happened. Okay. So we tried, we used our sponsor perplexity the other day and tried to figure out through AI what the exact number is. But when you deep dive, you realize they don't know the number. They really have like an estimate of interactions with illegal immigrants. And it's somewhere around 11 million for four years, which is fucking wild. That's 10 Austens. Okay.

At least of illegal immigrants were allowed to get in this country, aided to get it in this country, and then moved to states. They moved them. They flew them out to certain swing states. Like this is all Mike Benz has documented all this stuff. There's all, you can see they gave him EBT cards. Like, so imagine, you can imagine two things. One, imagine you're one of those people. They're like, dude, they're asking me to come.

This is awesome. Now I'm in America. I'm going to get a good job. I'm going to be able to support my family. And then all of a sudden you have these fucking dudes in bulletproof vests looking for you on the streets. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought you said it was okay. I thought the Red Cross gave me a map. I was, you gave me a fucking cell phone. And now you're hunting me. Right. And you're just like caught in the crossfire. But now imagine the ICE agents. Okay, this is your job.

Your job is to go out and find these people. And one of the things you don't get about this, because there was like a recent clip of mine that got like highlighted where I was criticizing ice. One of the things that you don't think about when you're into this is just like regular police interactions. The ones that you see online are the horrible ones. So you think all cops are. horrible. What you miss is the millions of interactions that people have with cops like, how you doing today, sir? Good, sir. How you doing? Can I see your paperwork? Sure. Here it is.

You're in a hurry. I fucked up. I'm late for work. You know, all right, man. Just slow down. Go. Like, all right, thanks, brother. Everything's nice. That happens too. Like, there's nice interactions with cops. There's people that save people from bad guys. It happens all the time. There's people that are thankful that they called the police and they stopped the burglar who is breaking into their fucking mom's house or whatever it is. Right. There's so many more of those, but you're not seeing those videos. And so with the eyes thing, what you're only seeing and you're only hearing about American

citizens that have been arrested, the lady that got shot, you're hearing about all these negative anger. What you're not hearing about is the number of violent criminals that they've caught. And it's a lot. It's in the thousands. It's not like thousands of American citizens have been shipped out to other countries. That's, no. It's like net positive if you look at it that way.

See if you can find out how many, because I know there's probably going to be a bunch of various sources that are not totally accurate, but find out like what are the number of violent criminals they've caught since they started doing this? Well, also the, there is a question on, this is how. So, because I know this is how they recruit some ice agents. It's just like their ads on local TV, just offering like a signing bonus. Yeah, yeah, yeah. During the UFC, there's an ice ad.

Yeah. And it's like, these are just like also regular people. How much training are they really getting? Right. Because when you watch the shooting video, you're like, why is the guy shooting also recording with his phone? Like, there's no way that's like anything you're trained to do. Maybe for his own safety, like, just to make sure that you could see this lady's unhinged. Is he not wearing a body camera?

He's not a cop, right? Yeah. I bet he's not wearing a body camera. Yeah. So I bet that's why. I bet that's why he filmed it. And also, that same guy, turns out, was dragged by a car just recently. So, like, he almost lost his life where someone did try to run him over.

He's hang on to a car for dear life. I think he got... 300 feet. He got dragged 300 feet. That's crazy. 300 feet is... That's a long way to get dragged. Yeah.

Right? You know, 100%. There's a full football field. There's a full possibility that you may die. There's no single public record number of violent criminals captured by ICE raids just over the last few months. And available data suggests those cases a relatively small share of recent ICE arrests and detentions. One analysis, ICE internal data, said that only 5 to 8% of the people booked it to ICE detention late 2025 and early fiscal year 2026 had violent or serious property crime convictions. But even if it's 8%, they've gotten rid of a half a million people already.

and then 1.6 million voluntarily deported. So in a half a million people, 8% is a lot. That's a lot of violent criminals. So this is weirdly phrased. As of January 22, I would say 8% is a lot. Like if you have cancer and 8% of your body, I would say you're fucked. You know what I'm saying? Like if you're saying, oh, it's only been 8% that are violent criminals.

That's a lot of people. But now the question is, are these 8% and the, and, And then the nonviolent people sent in this to the same place. Ooh, that's a good question. You know what I mean? Because, like, I do, you do want the violent criminals out. But then I don't want the nonviolent criminals to be sent or nonviolent people who are here to be sent to a prison. Exactly.

It says ICE no longer voluntarily publishes detailed case-level arrest breakdowns by offense type and independent projects. So imagine if you're a dude from Mexico that just walked up here because you wanted a better job. and then they shove you in a prison. And now, yeah, in some prison in El Salvador. And you never did anything bad your whole life. And now you're in some, well, the El Salvador thing, are they still doing that? I don't, that I don't know. That was a bad, that's bad optics.

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of optics. Optics is, the optics with ICE has been terrible. It says recent enforcement has involved thousands of arrests nationwide, but available analysis consistently indicate that only a small minority of those, is that in italics? No. Is it? Is it? Maybe.

Weird, right? Yeah. Looks a little funky. No. No, it's not. It's just that's perplexity showing its bias. Small minority of those, that's a tone of those in ICE detention arrested by ICE in late 2025 and early 2026 have violent criminal convictions. Most have no convictions.

But when they sank small minority, they indicated previously that that's 8%. That still means a lot of human beings. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of violent human beings. Like if you could sign a piece of paper that said that, you know, we're going to allow a bunch of people into this country. Most of them have no violent convictions, but about 8% of them are monsters, evil, sociopathic murderers, drug dealers. 8% is a giant-ass fucking number. Right.

That's a giant-ass number. Right. The real problem is that they have to do this. This is the real problem because the Democrats did what they did. They did a crazy thing. They opened the border up and told people the border was open and then let people. And then when people tried to stop them from doing it, they used court orders. Like what was that thing they did down in Texas at the border?

Oh, yeah, because Abbott tried to put up some thing, some like wall or something. They said, you can't stop this. Yeah. Which is, wait a minute, we can't stop people from breaking the law. Like, what are you saying? There's a method to stop this and you don't want it stopped. Right. Because the dirty secret is the census doesn't count citizens.

Counts everybody. It even counts illegals. So if you live in a community that's half illegal aliens, you get way more congressional seats from that district than if you are in a community where all those people don't count. They said that I think they said that California, if the census did, see if we can find out what the number is. But if the census did not count illegal immigrants in California, I think they would lose a shocking number of seats. Right. Which is kind of crazy. That's crazy.

You're rigging politics by moving humans into place. Yeah, well, you got to do something. It's a very, something that no one really talks about a lot is like the Democrats, every single minority group shifted right in 2024. Right. Every single one. And no one really is like actually trying to figure out why that's happening. They're like, well, if we just import more people, we can overcome that deficit. But they could.

They could. If it was successful, they could overwhelm the political process. They could make it just like it's California forever, where you get half the people are like massively disgruntled and so confused about the politics. But they're stuck there. And that would be the whole country. It would essentially be that kind of a thing. And then they do what they do in England and what they do in Canada was they slowly start clamping. down on your rights.

Right. And England starts arresting people for social media posts. Well, you know, hopefully that the free speech stuff is so ingrained in who we are as a people. Because England, like at the end of the day, it's not like that country was built on that principle. This says that they would only lose two house seats. It says California would lose, I call it Canada.

It's like Freudian, would lose an order of one to two house seats if possible, if people in the state without legal status were not counted in the census used for appointment based on recent expert simulations. All right. What's the... Here's the thing, like, how many illegals are in California? Let's find that out. Like, what is the estimated number...

Put that in there, Jamie. What's the estimated number of illegals in California? I don't know where I'd be without this kind of shit. Yeah. I'm so hooked on using, like, perplexity for any question I have all throughout the day. It's like my smart friend. It's like better Wikipedia because it can really like, you can use it as like. Way better than Wikipedia.

Yeah, because you can ask the entire internet. And sometimes it does catch some bullshit articles in there and says it might be this. And you're like, wait a minute, let me go to that article. That might be bullshit. Because it's only pulling from the internet, right? Undocumented $2.8 million in 2007. Well, yeah, that would be around two seats, right? Because there's like $30 million in California.

Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. That makes a difference. And then you do the same thing in Seattle. You do the same thing in wherever, you know, places you have massive numbers of undocumented people. Ohio is a big one. You know, this is one of the reasons why they had this thing where, like, why are there so many Haitians in Ohio?

Well, what do you think? I think they just decided Ohio's a spot and they all had a group WhatsApp chat. Yeah. And they all went there. No, probably somebody's moving them there because it's a sweet steak. It was funny when the Somalian thing when Waltz was like, this is. is white supremacy. Who's crazy? But it's like, hey, but

then who's the most supreme white man in the state, governor? You bitch. Like, that's a crazy Freudian slip. But it's also like, what a crazy attempt at misdirection. White men commit most of the crimes. Yeah, that's part, I think I told you, that's part of the reason why I think, like, minority groups are shifting away because it's like, one, they, I don't

think that's something, the whole victimhood mentality. That's not something that minority groups really experience, or, like, value. Especially not minority groups that are immigrants that are in the middle of the hustle. Right. We got to go to work. Like we got to overcome. That's the whole point. Regardless of the hand you're dealt, you got to just play it and overcome. And so that victimhood mentality really kind of pushes people away from the left, I think, in that manner. And then like, you know, when Biden was like, you know, if you don't vote for me, you're not black, it's like, that's kind of how they, that's kind of how they view the minority vote. It's not.

hostage vote. It's like vote for us or else. Yeah. It's like no one likes that energy coming towards them. And they'll lash out and go in a different direction. Such a wild thing to say. I mean, unbelievably funny. Unbelievably funny. Man. It's just, I

can't believe he fucking said it. He's so, and he said it with that fucking crazy pulled back face. And it's like, this is madness. Whatever they did to him to make him try to look younger. It just doesn't work, kids. doesn't work.

Oh my God, all that... We know what you used to look like. You're on TV all the time, and all of a sudden you have a completely different face? Like, your face is different. Like, everything's pulled back and looks... It doesn't look like anybody normal that's 80 years old. No, all plastic surgery ages, like, you look like an alien when you're old. There's just no way around it.

I don't know who lip fillers are for, because I don't know any guy who's like, yeah, I like that look. Like that much, but it's crazy how they age. The facial fillers are crazy too because sometimes those things become a problem and then you got to get them removed. Well, now they're doing that buckle fat thing where they look like ghouls after? Why would they do that? Why would they take fat out of their face? Fat in your face is what makes you look youthful. What are those ladies going to look like when they hit their 60s?

No, they're going to look like ghosts. Maybe. Because their face will be all sunken in. By the time they're 60, I think medicine is going to be at a level where they're going to be able to reverse aging. they're pretty close to be able to do that. They've already done some stuff with mice and they've done some stuff where they're understanding what genes are causing you to have these problems,

what things can be done to mitigate it. And they're treating aging not like an inevitable aspect of life, but as like a disease that you get over time. Right. Instead of like accepting the fact that your body is going to age at a very specific rate and then when you're 60, it's going to suck, when you're 70, it'll suck worse. Instead, it's like what's causing them?

Let's reverse what's causing it. And, you know, essentially, if you can do that, and I think they can. If it's, they can't do it now, they're going to be able to do it. Whoa. Jesus. What happened? Okay, but this is like day one. This lady just had surgery.

I just popped up on my feet a few times. She's 69, almost 70. Holy shit. That lady does not look even close to 69 or 70. Is that true, though? of uncanny. Is that true? Is that Dr. Crazy?

He's making it up. She's like, I'm fucking 40. It just feels like one of those human dolls. What did she look like before? There you go. There's the before. Whoa, that's the same lady?

Bro, that's crazy. You could pick her up at a bar and then you're like, why do you smell old? God, that's crazy. You had that old people smell. The mothball smell. Just sprayed perfume all over their body. I remember there was this episode.

of that show autopsy. Do you ever see that show? No. There's this guy Michael Badden and he's a famous forensic scientist that like examines cases and says this is actually a murder and he catches people.

And one of them was this guy who was really crazy and his wife died. Oh, it is his wife or a lady he knew died? I forget the circumstances. But he kept the corpse in his house

and had fashioned some kind of an artificial vagina that he attached to the corpse and then had cases of perfume. And so apparently the bot, he just kept fucking it. Is this like an older guy, an older story?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, yeah, yeah. But it wasn't his wife, right? No, it was like in a plaster case thing, and it was, yeah, yeah. And then...

People were fucking crazy. It had a mask on it, so it was like a corpse that was like years, old with a mask on it and an artificial vagina and cases and cases of perfume. So this guy's

just fucking covering this thing perfuming. Getting his fuck on. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Jamie just... You got to find the picture of it. He even inserted a paper tube into a decrepit corpse to serve as a vagina for making love. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. That's to the fake vagina. I think it was yeah, it was like something he made. Like he made something.

Dude, people will go... He made a thing to fuck. People go through lengths to get their rocks off. That's crazy. It's like ingenuity. That's like, man, if you had that energy towards anything positive. You could get to Mars. Yeah, you can figure stuff out. Find us a photo of the corpse.

There we go. Yeah. Oh, no, that's Carl Tanzler. That's a different guy. Oh, it's a different one? But he did the same thing. Oh, God. Yeah.

Key West. Same thing. Secretly took her body where you used French plaster to preserve her skin, rigged wires and hangers to support. her skeleton and then pumped a continuous stream of perfume to mass the stench of the scent of decay Disturbing arrangement continued for seven years till it's finally discovered by her sister Oh God what a horror story that is oh god you find your sister's body and it's just there's a It's just been fun

A continual stream of perfume to keep people from knowing as a rotted body up there Oh god he did it for years Mm-hmm God men are fucked Yeah, well, you know, and any sort of like weird predator will end up in that situation where they can do their thing, right? So like if you like, fuck dead bodies, you're going to be in a corpse. Like, same thing like there's like a, like female pedophiles just become middle school teachers. Those in the 30s.

That's what they do. Jeez. Carl Tanzler. Oh, God. And that's Dr. Michael Badden, the HBO show. That show is awesome, man. Oh, and he did Epstein's autopsy. Yeah.

Yeah. He's one of the ones that said that the. wounds were consistent with ligature strangulation, not with hanging. Yeah, yeah, we talked about this last time. Yeah. Yeah, you know, so I recorded my special on the 25th of October, and I have a bunch of Epstein jokes in there, and in the meantime, they said they released the files, and I was like, oh, no, but they still haven't released them, and I was like, oh, thank God, the joke still

worked. I was like, oh, my God, thank God. Because I have, like, at least two separate times where I bring them up, because it was so, it was even bigger back then. Well, it's going to go on for a long time. I suspect. I mean, they said they released them, but what did they release? No, they're still not all out yet.

What are they released? Yeah, yeah. Like, it's weird. The whole thing's weird. It reminds me of that Onion article where they're like, oh, CIA realizes they've been using a black highlighter this entire time. Like it's like that. It's like, oh, okay, you just blacked out pages. Redacted the shit out of everything.

Yeah, yeah. It's like, what did they release? Did they release something recently? No, they haven't released anything in a minute. They had that initial release where everything was blacked out. blacked out and there's that picture of Winnie the Pooh, which was hilarious. But isn't there talk about some new releases that are happening soon? Have they? It feels like everything's been drowned out by everything else's been going on.

With like the Somalians and the ice shooting, it feels like that's completely drowned out. Anything about it. I think some of that's on purpose. Oh, 100%. Yeah. 27 minutes ago update story. A federal judge blocked the effort to force the release of more files. Okay.

Okay. The federal judge, let's, we said it a little bit wrong, is the federal judge blocked the lawmakers effort to force the DOJ to release the Epstein file. So they're trying to force the DOJ. They're already forced to, they've missed deadlines. And a federal judge blocked them from forcing them to release it. So a federal judge said, no, you can't force them to release it, even though you campaigned on it. Yeah. Even though you ran on it. Even though you stood outside of that. courthouse a bunch of binders. We've got it. He ruled that he lacks jurisdiction to appoint an outside expert to ensure it. Okay, that's a little different.

So the federal judge Wednesday ruled that he lacks jurisdiction to appoint an outside expert to ensure the Justice Department complies with a law that makes all files pertaining to the prosecution of Jeffrey Epstein available for public view. Okay, that's different. Yeah, but still, the law chess that they play to make sure it still can't come out is pretty crazy, impressive. I don't have the jurisdiction. But if you're a federal judge, you can't, you have to do, you can't step outside of your boundaries.

Is that, don't they kind of just do that sometimes, though? Yeah, but you're not supposed to. Well, just because some of them are unethical or some of them. Right, that's fair. Yeah, I don't understand all this, so I'm going to be charitable about it. Yeah. I'm going to be charitable about it. But I just don't understand how anybody can go to jail for sex trafficking and when you don't have anybody they sex traffic to.

Right. Like, that don't make any sense. Like if I was Galane's lawyer, I'd be like, to who? To who? Like, how did you not do that? Like, you want to tell me there's some sort of a compromise trial? How do you not have a lawyer that goes, who did she sex traffic to? Right.

That's clearly, there's some sort of backdoor deal that was like, hey, spend this time in jail and we won't kill you. Of course. Yeah. Or also, she's working with them. Right. How does that too? How do you have, I mean, in any way, shape, or form? How do you have a person convicted of a crime when there's, like, especially that kind of a crime where there's a person that hires you or gives you money or that you use to get influence from and then you sex traffic to them.

So there's another person involved. And that other person is completely eliminated from the trial because what? Because they're billionaires? Because they're heads of state. Yeah, they're powerful enough. Prominent scientists. What is going, like how is that okay? That doesn't even make sense.

that you could get through a whole trial like that. Yeah, but I think that's just a, I was saying this earlier, I think this is just a function of government, these like intense like blackmail sex rings that everyone just kind of gets away with it. Well, yeah, it seems like that's how they- It just happens over and over again. But it's like, look at it this way, like, imagine if you were selling hash.

Right. And you had like pounds and pounds of hash at your house and you've been selling hash and you got caught selling hash. they charge you with distribution and you're like, okay, but distributed to who? Because you're only selling to like rich, famous people. You're only selling them to like heads of J.P. Morgan. You're selling all your hash to those guys.

And they're like, well, who did he sell the hash to? Nobody. Somebody bought $100 million with a hash. And if there's nobody, you have no no purse. That doesn't make any sense. There's no crime. So he didn't really sell it. You could say he possesses it,

but maybe intent. distribute but if you want to get them for actual distribution and selling of hash he's got to sell it to somebody man at least an undercover agent right but like in this situation it's like did we ever really think anyone was really going to go to jail for this I feel like with continual constant pressure they have to it has to slowly leak out man I wish I was that optimistic about it I they've they've done a good job of it of keeping it the names out of the press you even after they said they would leak them.

It says here, FBI and DOJ records from 2019 reference about 10 individuals described as an alleged Epstein co-conspirators, including Maxwell and French modeling agent, Jean-Luc Brunel, who died in French custody in 2022. That's a way to get out of it, too. Be like, oh, she sold it to a dead guy. Yeah, but it's also, this is not saying that sold it to them. They're co-conspirators. So they were probably involved in facilitating. They're probably involved in acquiring these girls, making connections. Because that guy owned a modeling agency.

So he's a modeling agent. Right, right. Right. So that guy's getting him girls. So he's a co-conspirator. It's not saying that he was John. You know, he was a John that was getting the girls. He was a co-conspirator.

So there's at least 10 individuals who are all, which makes sense. If you have this giant blackmail ring, it's not going to be like one guy. Right. I also find it funny the whole, that Mark, that Mark, Epstein guy, his just brother came out of nowhere for like a little bit. For a little bit. And he's like, fuck this.

It's like, wait, first of all, what do you mean a brother that just knows everything that happened? Because he came out and said that wasn't like the email that was like, oh, Clinton, a Trump son suck Clinton's dick. He was like, no, Bubba wasn't Clinton. But you didn't say he didn't suck someone's dick. You just felt like, it wasn't Clinton.

Trump sucks some guy near Bubba's dick. Some truck driver. Yeah. What was you just showing us? And he disappeared. That a few of those people were, protected by the 2008 non-prosecution agreement.

Mm-hmm. Oh, that's a little slap on the wrist protected a bunch of people. Right. And so they continued to be protected. Is that the idea? That's where no, I don't know if anybody knows if they're...

Nothing's better in law than a technicality, huh? That's a slippery one. So what did Epstein's brother wind up saying? He said it wasn't Bubba, which implied that he knew exactly what was going on on the island the whole time and it's just out and about. But he's still saying that Trump sucks someone

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then he just straight up disappeared. What the fuck did he go? We just learned about him. Man, I believe a lot of things. I do not believe Trump sucks someone's dick. Because he doesn't do drugs.

You know what I mean? When Charlie Sheeem was saying he sucks some guy's dick, like, okay, Charlie was doing so much crack. It was out of his fucking mind. I feel like that level of power as a drug at that point. I mean, maybe. I don't think so. I don't know. It's a very fun world to believe that he did.

I don't think it's going to get a guy to suck a dick. It just doesn't seem, that's a guy who's fucked up on drugs. It's like when Diddy was doing it. Right. They were all doing drugs. It's a drug thing, right? Unless you're a gay man, it's a drug thing to go around sucking dick. So we're assuming that Trump's been hiding the gay the entire.

Not a chance in hell. That would be the most impressive hide of all time. Also, why would he do that? Yeah, there's no reason. If you're open and you're gay, you side with the fucking Democrats. Like, that's the move. You can probably do all the exact same things when you get in the office. It's all horseshit.

I'm trying to follow up question, and it does not know who's in charge of Epstein's his face. It's thinking. Look at just look at it thinking. Your laptop's about to blow up. I would stop. No, fucking drones about to hit the building. The mothership's going to be on fire tonight when we'll get there. So, yeah.

Jesus Christ, man. It's so funny. It's like it's an attempted cover up of corruption that would have been successful. in the 70s. Right. Right? If they had pulled this shit off in the 70s or the 80s, gone. Gone. Well, it's the whole Franklin scandal. Sure. Yeah, they, they killed that reporter. Yes. They killed that reporter. There was definitely some underage sexual thing going on there, and they were like dead. You and your son, that's what you get for fucking around. Yeah, we'll kill both of you. They're, well, you know, Tucker's talked about this and a few other people

talked about this. There's a bunch of secretly gay politicians. Oh, yeah. And then there's probably a bunch of secret pedophiles as well. Yeah, I mean, definitely. For sure. There's definitely, I pulled that once on bottom of the barrel, just secretly gay Republicans. That was my thing. And then I was like, can you imagine how good that sex feels? Especially after you spent all day being like, it's bad, it's wrong.

And then that sex is extra hot. Yeah, because you're going against God and your party at one time. Some twink with his converse on. Yeah. But yeah. And then you go back and be like family value. Like that level of... I think there's a lot of them that are putting on a show.

A lot of them. They're putting on an act and you're never going to get to know who they really are. And that's why when something comes out, it's like shocking. Like, oh! They're all fucking weirdos. They're all weirdos. You have to be a weirdo to want to run the... Or you have to be like this amazing person.

Like it's two options. You have to be Gandhi or you have to be a weirdos. You know what I mean? And speaker of pedophiles. We had a speaker of the house that was a pedophile for like eight years. That's right. Yeah, yeah. A real one.

A real deal pedophile. A real deal convicted pedophile. What was his name again? Hastert. I think might have been Hastert. I think so. I think so. Let's look that up.

I don't want to be like, oh, Hastert was like a nice guy and we're calling a red of all. But speak of the house. He was involved in a very big scandal of it. Yeah, Dennis Haster. Yeah. Yes. It was like some Sandusky shit. It was at a school that he was teaching at.

Exactly. Allegations that Senate... Scroll up a little bit. Senate candidate Roy Moore spent his 30s, dating, propositioning, and sexually assaulting high school age girls was shocking, but not without precedent. There have been plenty of congressmen who carried on sexual relationships

with teenagers from Thomas Jefferson. That was back when people died when they were 18. Strom Thurman, perhaps more dastrily, Illinois rep Dennis Haster, served the Speaker of the House from 99, 2007. And a little further than that. And additionally agreed that Hastert sodomized a fourth-grade boy in a high school, in a school bathroom and threatened him if you reported assault. That's like San Duffy stuff.

Jesus Christ. Since the statute of limitation had expired on these crimes, Hastert was instead convicted of evading bank reporting requirements in order to secretly pay off his victims. That's so funny. He served 15 months in prison. That's it. Holy shit. That's so crazy to pay off your victims and not do it in cash. What a lot of money?

Yeah. That's a lot of money. That's fair. I bet it was quite a bit of money. Holy shit, dude. Yeah. And just speaker of the house. One kid that got saw a fourth grade boy in a school bathroom.

How many more did he do that too? How many just don't want the shame of it coming out publicly? How many guys are struggling with it right now? They're 35 years old. They don't want to tell that story. Right. That ruined their life. Because the speaker of the house fucked them.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. And he, so he's on. alone. No. Right? That's the Franklin scandal. And there's no way that wasn't uncovered beforehand by people. Just the way the political machine works. But that's like sort of like you get me for this, I'll get you for this, so you keep that under wraps. You just have that in your back pocket. I think it's just part of that game that they play. Oh, for sure. It's like

Game of Thrones. For sure. It's definitely a part. It really is. It really is like Game of Thrones. It's just, yeah, whorehouses and like that they're trying to get you on. And also House of Cards, right? It sucks that Kevin Spacey got busted because that show ruled. I know, right? But, you know, it was so funny because thinking back on it, like, if you looked about movies, my genuine take before he got busted for this is he plays the greatest villains. Yes. He's like the greatest villain actor of all time.

He's the greatest creep. He's like a brilliant creep, like with darkness behind his eyes. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then can turn it on the charm, that Southern Chalm for the camera. How about when he did that fucking weird video? in front of the fireplace.

Oh, dude. Like, in character, kill him with kindness. Right after the witness to his case died. Like another witness to his case died? Yeah, like, what? People were dropping or, like, flies around space either. Crazy.

Real deal villain shit. Acting out the literal plot lines as the character, being the character while he's tending the fire. Goes to show you, you can still be a, I mean, he's still a, genius artist. Amazing. Yeah, just like a wow.

Amazing. And in any other time, he would have never gotten caught. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's just how the machine worked at the, you know? Yeah. I mean, he's just one of those guys that got an immense amount of power and he was just a dick grabber. Like, good. And I bet a lot of guys are like, okay.

That's the problem with wild pitches. You know, you fucking swing at every pitch. You're going to hit a few, you know? But he's probably, you know, for all these guys that he grabbed dicks and said, you know, probably drunk, probably fucked up. How many guys like let him suck their dick? A lot, I bet. I bet it was an effective strategy.

Right, especially for famous in Hollywood. He did it to gay guys. But he was like the one guy that the story broke was a young teenager, right? He was like 14 or something like that. Yeah. And they were working together or something like that. It was definitely a minor. But it's also like, why is that a teenager at a minor with a bunch of drunk gay guys?

Like, hey, where's your dad? The fuck is going on. What are you doing there? But it's, you know, it's not excusing him for doing it. The thing about people in the gay community is they look very differently at teenage boy, gay teenage boy men relationships than we do at, like, teenage girl men relationships. They look at it very differently. Like, Milo got in trouble for that. As Milo on my podcast was talking about this guy that molested him, was a trust.

me I was the protitor. Right. That's what he said. That's a crazy thing to say. But they look at it differently. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's, I remember someone was, I was living in L.A. And we had this gay dude who was sleeping on the, you know, we had a bed in the living room for guests to stay over.

So he was, he, like, lived there for like two months. And we were watching, call me by your name. And he, it's like a. It's like it's Army Hammer and maybe it's Shalameh I forgot I was in and out my roommates were watching it but it's like about a gay story between an older man and a younger boy and

yeah he he said this red like he was watching like oh this reads like a fan fiction of an older gay dude being in love with like a younger gay guy yeah it's like a I remember that I remember him telling us that I'm like okay that's interesting

I mean it kind of makes sense right because we think very differently of like like a high school football player that winds up banging a really hot science teacher. Yeah. You know, you're not mad. You're just like, this is crazy. That lady's crazy. She's 35.

She's got two kids. She fucks a 17-year-old boy in the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah, I said that are the female pedophiles become teachers. That is what they do. They find the way. It's very, very, very different than the scenario of like the football coach that's banging the cheerleader.

That's crazy. Yeah, that makes you want to lynch them. Yeah, yeah. That's way gross. It's weird, right? Yeah, yeah. It is weird. Yeah, it's like, yeah, with every time there's a South Park episode about it,

every time you hear that story about, you know, the older teacher fucking the young boy, every guy's kind of like, nice. Yeah. Well, you know how the best joke about it was Zach Alfanakis. He said, do you hear the boy died? Yeah, his friends high-fived him to death. Man, that live at the Purple Onion. Fantastic.

That was a fucking great special. What is he doing these days? I have no idea. He was on that show for a while in FX baskets. That was really good about the clown. Louis Anderson won the Emmy on it. He owns a farm somewhere. He has like a farm.

I think he's like, he's very smart. Have you ever talked to him? I've never met him. I've never. The only time I saw him live was at Brody's Memorial. Yeah, he was real tight with Brody. He is one of the ways that I found out that Brody was off his meds, he contacted me.

When, do you remember that one time when Brody got real kind of, like almost aggressive crazy and it was like yelling at people in the audience sometimes? And it got weird. It wasn't like performance arty anymore. It was like, what's happening with Brody? And then he got back and he like bounced it out. Brody had like legit problem. Whatever it was, whatever his mental health issue was, like he needed medication.

Like he was, he was legit crazy. And Zach contacted me And said it seems like Brody's office med So just don't engage with him Damn Damn So it's like you gotta kind of figure out of way To corral him

Get him back on his stuff And But man when he was in that main room When he was in that main room And that what was left of the crowd Was rocking with him It was just so much fun Just watching him play drums

He came into the improv one night We were doing a later show So it was like a 10 o'clock show And he was on late and the show was kind of Petering out you know how it does and at the time it was probably like about half full

and then ladies gentlemen please welcome Brody Stevens Brody takes his shirt off and starts swinging it around in the air like a flag he goes through the crowd let's go

energy and like he just gets everybody fired up he immediately breaks out the drumsticks starts fucking drumming on the seat and then starts telling Joe and just change the whole tempo of the room. Like everything lit up.

It was awesome. It was like that's what Brody can do. Just with pure charisma and talent and just personality. And anytime I see him like, anytime I see a person in the audience like this, all arms crossed negative. That's all I can think. That's all I can think. It's like, wow, you are giving me negative energy right now for no reason.

For no reason. You're at a show. Come and enjoy it. You know, especially when you see it because I cold open a lot, you see it like, like, Like, you see people be like, why you come here, like impress me? Like, you're already here. Enjoy the energy. It takes a while sometimes for people to loosen up.

You have the hardest job when we do those Joe Rogan and Friends shows and you cold open. I've only cold open a few times over the last few years. Yeah. Over the last 10 years. It's hard. You've got to hypnotize those people. You've got to slowly work your way into the rhythm of jokes. Oh, yeah.

You have to sort of like, I like it because it's energy matching. I get to find out where they are, catch on to them, and then bring up. bring them to the energy that you want. You know what's really good at it? Hans Kim. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really good at it. Well, it's just straight jokes.

Uh-huh. It's just straight jokes. And he's funny, looking. You know, like he's got a big smile in his face. Like, he's having fun. You kind of get into his groove real quick. And, you know, he did so many arenas with me and so many big places. And he was the perfect guy because he would just go, let me tell you something about myself.

Then right away, he would take control of the room. It was awesome. Derek's great at bringing him into. It's fun watching the different people, like their different cold open strategies. Derek is just like getting everybody fired up, excitement, and he's so lovable. You know, he's got, again, so much charisma. Right, yeah. But it's the cold opening for as long as I have done, and my career even pre-de-this club,

it's just it made me, I feel like, so much stronger. Because like almost like running with ankle weights on. And then now, like, leading up to me releasing the too soon, I was like, Oh, I was like all these spots I was getting at the end of the shows These were material. This is all material that I tested at the beginning of Rogan and Friends, which, especially at the beginning of the club, a lot of people were like, wait, you're not Rogan talking to a friend. Like they thought they were coming to a live podcast before the shows were like, oh, yeah, this is a stand-up show. Really? Yeah.

People thought it was going to be a podcast? At the very beginning, there were some episodes where you had to like introduce the concept of this is going to be stand-up. Crazy. Yeah. Now it's not like that. But like at the very beginning it for sure was. But like it was like I felt my material was like battle tested. Well it certainly is.

Yeah. That's the running with weights is a great analogy. That's exactly what it is. Yeah. It makes the jokes so much stronger. You know what else is really good for your act is hosting. Yeah. Because you go up so often.

Like one of the things that really helped a lot of guys at the store was hosting potluck. because, you know, you have to, there's all this chaos. Someone just bombed. Something crazy just happened. Someone just did something completely fucking insane. You have a chance to make fun of it. Reset the room. Reset the room.

And there's a comfort level that comes. Because you're essentially doing stand-up from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. Yes. Yeah, when I first started, when I lived in, first was a door guy in Hollywood, Derek was booking the Madhouse, and I would come down and host the weekend shows. So every day I'd host from. every weekend or two weekends a month I would host from five to two in the morning

because you'd host the open mic afterwards and you just host the entire night it's a full day's worth of hosting that's awesome yeah it's like it's because the opening spots suck but like they make you better it's the ones that suck that make you better it's definitely well you realize like where the sloppy parts

of your bits are like you're saying I'm you like ew right you know like it gets you like ooh right like when the crowd's pop in and they're laughing and everything they want to laugh you can get that threw it out of I'll actually get a laugh. But then when like it's quiet and it's the beginning of the show, you realize, oh, this bit sucks.

Right. Like, oh. I got to bring this bit to the garage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to not put it up front. What was I thinking? I got to tighten this motherfucker up. But it's, you know, there's plenty of other spots.

That's the beautiful thing. I mean, we're running four shows a night every night. And so and then. And there's so much around the scene. There's so much. I was telling someone in L.A. It's like, oh, if I chose not. to get up 10 spots in front of an audience member in a week at the very least, then I chose

that because it's so easy to just go out and get spots. There's so many spots. With people and like, in downtown alone, there's like 12 dedicated comedy rooms. It's insane. Did you see, was it Rappaport that got kicked off of a show at Cap City? They canceled his show? They canceled Rappaport. And let me see what the post was, because they said something like there's another big club

that will have you or something like that. Yeah. Are they insinuating that we would have him and that he's racist and we would have him? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, they just assume the mothership is full of racist people. They don't. Yeah, people do. But the guy that owns that is the guy that owns helium.

Yeah, but no, not just that. I think that's pervasive around comedy, for sure. It's nonsense. They're just, they're pretending they think that. There's no way they think that. If you just look at the lineup, there's no way. No one's looking at the lineup. They're really, they're really like, oh, Joe and Tony support Trump, so this must be filled with racist people.

That's what it is. What did they say? Can you pull up the... Yeah, it has to... I mean... I think they phrased it in an interesting way. So, Austin for Palestine Coalition... That's a Rappaport is pretty funny.

That's a Rappaport. He's done canceled. Thank you, Cap City, comedy, and helium management for listening to Austin and canceling the racist provocateur Michael Rappaport's show at your establishment. And so... Hey, Michael Rappaport, there's a... Make sure... Yeah, yeah, that's the captioning is like, there's another club that insinuating that we would take.

But what is this? This is just Austin comedy. That's just someone's account. It's just someone's account. Yeah, that's when I first moved here, that was when I, that's how I figured out where all the open mics and shows were. But they're not even accusing us.

It's pretty sure there's another club or large venue space that will welcome you that aren't run by helium. So, but there's a lot of places that that's not necessarily they're saying to us. If you still want to make a stop in Austin, just let them. No, most of us here are friendly and won't use politics and hate to cancel silence performers.

So that seems like they're kind of saying like, hey, Michael, come do another spot. Do it somewhere else. I don't think they're accusing him of that. Right. Right. That sounds more supportive of him coming here and saying most of us are friendly and won't use politics and hate to cancel silence performance. So that's not helium saying that. I guess he's like, I mean, I guess he's outspoken.

I'm not paying attention that dude because I feel like a lot of it is Needy you know what I mean? There's a lot of like trying to get attention too hard Right it's like yeah yeah he's like I get he's not a dumb guy. He's got some really good points But the problem is if you try too hard and you do it all the time then the good points miss me Right right right because you're already connected to all that other silly shit Mm-hmm they're just lost in a seat like yeah yeah which is good and bad depending on whether or not you want to be taken seriously. Right?

I don't want to be taken seriously. So like if I do UFO shows or Bigfoot shows, like good. Oh, he believes in dragons. Good. Good. Don't take me seriously. Yeah. But when you're talking about something like Israel and Palestine, I guess,

because it said something for citizens for Palestine. Yeah, it had to have been. They're not canceling. The coalition for Palestine is not going out of their way. I had no idea anybody was calling Michael Rappaport racist. Oh, well, yeah. I don't, I did you? The first Michael Rapaport news I've heard in years, if I'm going to be honest.

I've no idea that there was an organized campaign to stop his shows. There must be. If it's happening here, it's happening everywhere, right? It has to be. Okay. Since early November, our coalition sent several emails. That's all it took. No, it says that we're ignored.

While employees had privately shared that they're uncomfortable, oh, they privately shared that. With anti-Palestinian hate monger, Rappaport being hosted, management seems unwilling to Listen to their community. That's not necessarily their community. That's just some people in the community. Rappaport isn't just a fanatical Zionist with political views we disagree with. He's a racist who cruelly mocks dead civilians and children. He mocks immigrants and supports ICE detentions of people whose viewpoints he dislikes. Additionally, he has a reputation for being generally disliked by people he's worked with, doxing his political opponents and has been accused of working with Fox News to spread fake propaganda. Okay, this is like a lot. Yes, yeah. Who wrote this? Austin for Palestine Coalition. So maybe it's just in Austin.

Oh, yeah, that's it, Austin. Yeah. And they got him out of Cap City. Yeah. But so what did they go back up at the top of that thing? What is the original? No, no, no, no, no. The original thing that I read.

It said, he's mocked, he's a racist who cruelly mocks dead civilians and children. Is that true? I don't think that's true. We'd have to go through his. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like when you say something like that. You just have to take that for face value that he does that if you want to believe that.

I've never seen anything like that. I would imagine that if he did something like that, it would go viral, right? Maybe not. Mocking dead children? Yeah. I mean, yeah, maybe not, probably. In this day and age? Yeah.

He's famous enough for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's straight up mocking. If you're mocking dead children, look at the people that mocked Charlie Kirk. The fucking hate came strong. Oh, yeah. They all, like, lost their kids. jobs. They felt the heat. Yeah, immediately.

Immediately. Yeah. Yeah. It is, like, the internet makes people very comfortable with putting their initial emotional reaction out for everyone to see. And it's like, there's something that Derek talks about, it's like, we gotta go back to the times when, like, people are like, oh, you can't post yourself with a red

cup, because, like, a job might see that and you won't get the job. Like, that used to be, yeah, that used to be, like, and now people are, like, just full-on sketches of stuff, like, people dying and, like, oh, you see so many people die just constantly too so it's like everyone's just desensitized everything there's a lot of desensitization there's a lot of people that also live in these echo chambers and they think when they say things like well who's

that one lady that was a she was a CEO somewhere she had a very high level position somewhere and she posted on her instagram story i think something like that she posted rest in piss charlie kirk right like like you're a regular person with a real job yeah you're talking about a guy who got murdered you just wrote rest in piss on the internet because in their bubble they were saying that kind of stuff and they thought it was a cool thing to say yeah your algorithm is so designed to

just show you what things that agree with you right so everyone gets more and more like oh everyone believes this everyone because everyone around or everyone I perceive to be around me believes that and when really it's just it's all like half of it's fake

most of it is just some Pakistani guy right yeah somewhere with like a million phones. It's just constant. No, no, no. The new one where you can be any celebrity and it looks exactly like that celebrity. So all your movements, you could be like, you know, Mike from Stranger Things. Damn.

And it's super accurate. Damn. Like crazy accurate. We're getting to the point where like surveillance videos won't be admissible in court. Like it's going to be, it's going to be up to there. It'll all have to be on the blockchain. But even that, like, I don't understand. I don't understand the blockchain.

Do you? Who knows? Who knows? Manipulated. See if you can find that video of, because there was one performer who did a series of different people from Stranger Things. He did like L from Stranger Things and Mike from Strait. And it's fucking nuts.

The same person, just moving their hands around and talking. And they look exactly like the other person. Right. So now you're seeing heavily manipulated content. Like you, unless you go out of your way, to look for another opinion, you're just going to become entrenched in your own opinion. That's sort of the problem with what's happening right now.

Or entrenched in the opinion that they want to promote. Yes, they want to promote. You're just sort of like, oh, you're just being fed this constant line of, like, bullshit. You got to do some, like, algorithm cleanses. That's what, like, fuck, like, you know how you go on juice cleanses? You got to do that with your algorithm. Well, I think, honestly, what you got to do is stay offline. Yeah.

You're going to get got, no matter what. Your algorithm is eventually going to catch you again. It's like, I'm going to do a little heroin this time. Right. And then next thing you know, you're a full-on heroin junkie. Right, right. For me, it's like there's so many videos of people getting killed by alligators and lions that are fake. And they just look a little off.

Like the lion jumps in the car and pulls them out. You're like, no. You're like, something's wrong with this. The way people react. Right now, the reactions of people in the background don't match. Right. That's what's because it used to be you could see the fingers and the fingers would be all fucked up. But they got the fingers pretty down now.

They're getting better at that. Now it's like you've got to look in the. If the people in the background aren't reacting, you're like, okay. Yeah. Like, if I was, people in the background react to a guy getting eaten by a lion. I guess they could probably fix that, though, with a prompt. Well, that'll do the next generation. I don't even think it's the next generation.

I think it's just, you got to just ask it to do a better version. Keep correcting it, asking it to do better. Fix this, fix that. Have you ever done that with a video where you asked it to keep fixing things? No. It gets overloaded and it just gets worse and worse and worse. If you ask it to fix it, it's not good at making an edit on the, video you already have.

Oh. So you can be like, let's say it'll just generate another thing and because it's making a video about a video, everything gets fucked up. Look at this. Holy shit. This is crazy, dude. That one looks kind of AI, but this is like a lot of the way. A little AI too.

A little smooth in the face. Mm-hmm. You know, so it's probably better for, do it again, run it again from the beginning. See, no, the first couple ones might get you. It's when one seems like obviously really fake. You don't know what the thing is, too? I think it's really good with young people. Like him, it looks fake for some reason.

Yeah, when I got there. But then you realize they all look fake after you see one that looks fake. But not that fake. No. It's just if they did the lighting a little better, you know, it looks a little too bright. I want, but yeah, see, I wonder if our perception, because the first three look real. I wonder if our perception would change if they put the one of the guy that looks fake first. You feel what I'm saying?

Like, I don't know, because this one looks real. Like, that looks like her. Like, if you just had that one. and had her saying a bunch of things, I would think it's her saying a bunch of things. That's, well, that's fucking crazy. We're fucked. We're fucked, man.

Anybody who doesn't think we're fucked isn't paying attention. It's going to get super weird. And how much of that are they going to use on us in the news, you know? Oh, yeah. Oh, it's, yeah. The news is already fucked, but it's all, I was thinking about this the other day,

how it's crazy that because our algorithms are so different, I think this is why everyone gets so charged over news things now, is news is the only thing we have in common anymore. Like there's not really a show that like everyone's watching or like a set of shows that everyone's watching. Your algorithm sends you things that you like so you're completely disconnected entertainment-wise to the people around you.

And the only thing you really have in common is what's going on in the world. Right. Because that's the only thing that's consistent. And your opinions on it. What side are you on? Yes. Because everything becomes divided.

Yes. And you have to have a take on everything. Yeah. vaccines, food pyramid, Gaza. Yeah, everything has to have a take. Oh, yeah. Oh, we were cooked as a, like, companies have to do it. Yeah, I've been saying, like, we've been cooked as a country.

I've known we've been cooked as a country ever since Ben and Jerry's had a take on Gaza. It's like, there's no reason for this. Yeah. There's no reason for this. Well, there's a lot of- company trying to sell stuff. There's a lot of incentives for companies to, like, whatever. What is that ESG score?

Is that what it is? What is the score that they give? Like, so companies have DEI scores that, you know, For favorable loans and for government money. It gets real weird when you start intertwining the, it gets real communistsy. ESG score evaluates a company's sustainability and ethical impact, measuring its performance in environmental, social, and governance area, such as carbon footprint, labor practices, and board diversity to help investors and stakeholders access long-term risk and potential. Excuse me, assess long-term risk and potential. Calculated by specialized agencies like MSCI and sustainiletics.

Scores offer them from zero to 100 or letter grades gauge how well a company manages risks in these non-financial areas influencing reputation, access to capital. This is what's important. And long-term financial performances. So climate change impact, resource use, waste pollution, energy efficiency, employee relations, diversity and inclusion, labor standards. So you're essentially forcing the company to act a certain way. You can't do it completely as a meritocracy. You have to have a representative board of people, which a lot of people agree with.

None of those people are exceptional. None of the people are exceptional at their job that agree you should have specific categories of race or gender replace meritocracy. Right. No one really good. Male or female, black, white, Asian, whatever. No one really good at their job wants that. No, no, because that just gets in the way of the job. It's like, I'll have to, like, worry about this social score.

Yeah. Yeah, fuck off. That's kind of what we're, like, heading towards, right? Well, it's less social. Now, Trump in office. There was a guy who was a CEO of some company that was talking about the gigantic shift in dealing with the government that had occurred right after Trump took office. He was like it was instantaneous.

It's like all the restrictions and regulations. And this is one of the problems with California in particular. It's incredibly overregulated. So it's really difficult to do anything, which is one of the reasons why so few people have even began attempting rebuild their fucking house. Right. There's regulations everywhere for everything. It's just overregulated. Well, didn't the government buy a lot of that land or are they trying to buy that land right now in the Palisades?

I don't think it's government. I think there was people that were interested in doing like low-income houses. and then there was like whether they were going to carve out things without their speculators and there's that famous video of Newsom standing in front of the rubble of a burning house go there's been some discussions he's doing that little dance remember that yeah yeah what a sociopath what a freaky dude he's running for president there's no way he's not yeah i mean good he's absolutely running for president good luck dude you think there's a lot of fucking fraud in minnesota just wait till they start digging deep into the fraud in california it's going to take

an army of people to do. It's going to take a long time. But look, man, there's so much money missing. They spent $24 billion on the homeless and they can't account for it. And didn't, is it true that Gavin knew, let's find out this, because I saw this whole article about this that said Gavin Newsom vetoed a bill that would do an audit of where the $24 billion to the homeless went. Well, if their goal was to create more homeless with that money, they did a great.

great job. They did a fantastic job. The crazy thing is they're literally incentivized to have more homeless because the more homeless people they have, the more money they get. Which is what? And then you see the salaries of the people that are working on it. Colion Noir, my friend that's a Second Amendment advocate who's a lawyer, he was the first guy to tell me about that because he's a lawyer and he was in San Francisco and he was like, why is there so many homeless people here? It's like, did they need more money? And his friend who was a lawyer goes, no, no, no, no, no. thing is a racket. The more homeless people you have, the more you have to fund the homeless initiative, and then you have this entire ecosystem that's built around the homeless.

Right, and it's just money is going to executives. Millions and millions and millions dollars. In California, $24 billion. Okay, David Spade was talking about it. This really happened. He blocked bills for an audit multiple times. Bpartisan bill AB 2903 unanimously passed 72 to 0 in the assembly. to zero in the Senate and would have forced annual public reports on where the money went and Newsom vetoed it. Is there no system in the state? Because it's like if the president vetoes at a federal level, I'm pretty sure if the, I think it goes back, if it goes back to the Senate at the House, they can do a two-thirds

vote to pass it anyway? I don't understand. I don't know. There is legislative ways to override a veto. This veto? Federally. I don't know about a state level. It says Gavin Newsom also vetoed similar bills.

AB 272570 and AB 2093. Wow. That is crazy. Hey, that money's just gone. 20 billion plus dollars in missing homeless money went. That is really wild, man, that you would veto that, that it passes unanimously. And you're like, no, player. That's fucking gangster, dude.

That's why you become a governor. It's probably a good move if you're really sure. shitty mayor of a place like San Francisco and you ruin it, but it'd be the governor. Yeah. And stop the investigation. Stop all the fucking loopholes. That's who I would call that good gameplay on Newsom's far as. That's what you're doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like looking at Pauls from an outside perspective. That's some good gameplay right there. If it's a game, that's what exactly what you should do. Oh, yeah, it's a great move. Yeah, and now you're, and now you sort of can launch yourself as this anti-Trump guy and you're like, it's trying to get on this pod. The problem with that dude is...

The presidential run is coming. He lies so much. He doesn't remember that he lied. Like, he gets busted on... Like, we've never used the term Latinx. Because Latinos do not like that Latinx bullshit. No. You want to fucking alienate the Mexican-American community.

Start calling them Latinx. They were like, bitch, what the fuck are you saying? Well, that's fundamentally... It's a gendered language. Yeah, it's fundamentally against their language. That's the whole point. There are female and male things in their language. It's a gendered language.

Yeah, yeah. So, everything has to be an ex. It's crazy. That's crazy. Stop. The really crazy thing is, you know, we were talking last night with Jimmy Carr's friend. Oh, yeah. What was his name?

I forgot his name. I'm sorry, sir. Fun guy. Interesting guy. But we got to talking about the different people that lived in America before Columbus got here and before Cortez got here. before all these Spanish explorers turn the entire country into a Spanish-speaking Catholic country, which is really nuts, man. You know, you want to talk about colonizing. Like, those people in Mexico, oh, we respect their religion, their culture.

That's the culture of their oppressors from just a few hundred years ago. Right. They lost a hundred different native languages, man. They had so many languages in what is now Mexico, but wasn't even Mexico until 1820. Like whatever it was, whatever they called it in the different areas They had like over a hundred different languages. I just lost in the wind because the fucking conquistadors came through Yeah and and outnumbered they were able to do that bro This way outnumbered crazy

Bro they had 13 muskets mm-hmm that's all they had 600 dudes 13 muskets they burned the boats and took over Mexico crazy crazy and then to this but here's the great gift of gab too just People to convince Montezuma that they were God. Well, they showed up with metal. Yeah, that's fair point. They're wearing armor and they're riding horses. They're like, this is crazy. These guys are riding horses?

And there's like a famous, what was it? La Malinche was like a female Native America or native to the area who was like helped them take them down. Oh, there's quite a few people that helped them. They were very clever what they did because there wasn't united tribes because the Aztecs were absolutely brutal. One of the Spanish chroniclers, some, I forget his name, something Diaz, but one of these Spanish chroniclers before the arrival of Cortez, he was there at the celebration of the completion of one of the temples. I think it was to Nochtatlan. And they killed somewhere between 20,000 as the low end and 80,000 as the high end. And, and 80,000 is the high end. end 20,000 to 80,000 people sacrificed in a four-day ceremony. That's pretty gang-stead. So these are the people that were there.

So those are not loved people. Right, right. So it was really easy for them to get the other tribes and go, hey, guys, we got horses, we got 13 muskets with your help. We can take them down. We can speak Spanish. Yeah. Carnitas.

That's so wild. It is a fucking Mexican word, but it's a Spanish word. It's like this the language like they had names like North American Native American names Right like one guy was a cacao lightning god that was his name like I did a whole bunch of research on these people because I would just got fascinated because One of the things about the Aztecs is a lot of these like super complex temples They didn't build them they found them oh yeah we talk about that like they called it the place where the gods were born Yeah these these sort of of civilizations that

clearly probably existed because this is something that I think about is like okay so do you know the story of the Akemenid Persian Empire like succession? I don't know it in detail but I'm aware of a lot of it Right so you have Cyrus

He has two kids Cambysi Zimbardia He splits up the realm between the two Cambyses goes off to conquer Egypt but he's like Well, Bardia is popular, so let me secretly kill him and then go off to Egypt. A Magi priest then impersonates Bardia, takes over the Akemen of Persian Empire. He is the ruler now.

Cambysi sort of dies on the way back mysteriously. And then a kemenid nobleman named Darius is like, hey, this is a magi imposter, kills Bardia. he's now ruling Darius leads the Acuna of Persian Empire to be as big as it can be and he's the father of Xerxes, the bad guy in 300. Wow. But that is the only official narrative story

we have that from a first like a primary source and the only reason we have that is because Darius carved that story in himself into a rock relief. It's called the Behistune Relief. So that story is basically propaganda but then 50 years later

gets picked up by Herodotism that becomes the story of the ascension, right? There's no other primary source on what happened there. You just have to take Darius's word for it. Wow. Yeah, and that's in the fifth century, and the only reason we know that is because someone carved it into a rock.

Bro. Right? Like, we're not carving anything into rocks now. So if, yeah, so if something, let's say like something happens to the internet tomorrow and it disappears and then our civilization just vanishes off the earth, a couple people survive, and they build a whole new civilization. There's all those

lines, is that writing or is that erosion? I believe that's writing. I haven't really... Go back to that primary, the original... Okay. I think it's writing. It looks like cuneiform. And it's the way it's, yeah.

But that's the only reason we know something that happened from that time is because this exists. And we have no idea if it's true. Yeah, we have no idea if it's true. But no one's even carving anything into stone for us. Right. So there's... Oh, yeah, look at it. Yeah.

There's no way... How dope is that line? Yeah. Look how cool that looks. Look how cool that looks. That's how people used to write things down, man. Right. Can AI, like, find...

There's got to be some of these. Like, I know there's one from Easter Island that they can't decipher. Have you ever seen that one? No. Graham Hancock explained it. And what he said was essentially, the island was a very small island.

They got raided by slavers. And they took everyone, except for like 100 people. And the people that they took and enslaved, they were the ones who knew how to read the slave. language and then this language is lost forever. Right. Damn. There's one piece of like wood where, yeah,

that's it. Where it's written on, look how dope their language looks. Like, zoom in on like, how crazy is that, man? Like, what are they saying? And we don't know. Like, I wonder if they could throw that through AI and get sort of an understanding

of what these symbols were, but you'd have to have a base, like, that was the thing about the Rosetta stone. The Rosetta Stone really help people in Egypt because you're like, oh, This is how it's written in Greek. And this is, okay, now we know what it's said in multiple languages. Now we get an understanding of it. Yeah.

But so the overall point being, though, is like... At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health. From the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup that provides a clear picture of your health today. And may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today.

Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. In our time, if the internet disappears and we're gone, there's nothing from this time that's really being recorded. It'll just be lost. Oh, yeah. All the hard drive stuff, gone. Yeah, just be lost.

We'll have to relearn things. Yeah, but our time, the Americans, there'll just be some ancient thing that people might not know ever existed. It says about the, it's called the wrong, rongerongo, rongo, a glyph based script from Easter Island remains undecifered despite over a century of study. Imagine you're studying it for a century. Yeah, your whole life. People's whole lives have been dedicated to this. No one knows exactly what it says, as all attempts to translate it fully have failed, with scholars debating if it's true writing or proto writing as used as a memory aid.

A memory aid. Yeah, lines alternate direction off and upside down. Oh, so that's so hard. Even the direction is ever changing. You're not writing right to left. You're just kind of going wherever you want with it. What is the latest on the Voynich manuscripts? Has anybody thrown that through AI to try to see if it makes any sense?

Do you know about that? Yeah, was it, were they found on a guy? Was that one of them? No, it's some weird book. And the question is whether or not this book is just complete gibberish and nonsense or whether it's some lost language. And where it's really detailed, too. What was it found?

It's a good question. I don't remember. Published Nabi Cipher, is that what it's called? Published November 26, 2025 in Cryptology by science journalists Michael Greshko introduced the Nabi Cipher, which uses 14th century Italian playing cards and dice to encode Latin or Italian text into glyphs mimicking the Voyinist. manuscripts, voynichies. This cipher replicates key statistical features like

glyph frequencies, word lengths, grammar rules suggesting a similar medieval method could have generated the original 15th century text, although it does not decode it. Wow. Have you seen it? See you to find images of it. It's freaky.

Where was it found? That's a really good question. Let's find that out now. The Voynich Ninja. There's like groups and dedicated to this. People are obsessed with it. I mean, they've been This is a fun thing to be accessed with. Just do me a favor and just go back to perplexity and say, how was it discovered? Yeah, I'm curious. Because I feel like someone had it and someone bought it from someone.

I thought it could have been wrong. I thought it was found on a body. I could be wrong about that. I might be thinking of another thing. It was rediscovered in 1912 by Polish American Rare Books dealer Wilfred Vojnich. Okay, he named himself. What a clever guy. I like that.

Fuck it. Something of mine survived. It's mine, bitch. They say you died. The second time you die is when someone says your name last, so we're just keeping him alive. He acquired it from the Jesuit College in Frascadi, Italy as a part of a batch of 30 manuscripts, discreetly sold amidst the Jesuits financial difficulties. How many of these motherfuckers in the Vatican are sitting on some shit that they don't have to sell? Oh, yeah.

That would like change the world completely. Yeah. Carbon dating places its creation. around 1404 to 1438, likely in northern Italy. Emperor Rudolph, too, bought it in the late 1500s for 600 gold Ducats, possibly from John D. It later passed to Jacobus. How about this guy's name?

Jacobus Horsiki, Dependens. D.C. Depex. But you can't even. The problem is like there's some names like Yawanna Junjeechek. If you saw the way it's written, there's no way you would pronounce it correctly. Any of those Eastern European names, it's like, how did you even get that? Stayed in Jesuit hands until 1912.

He publicized the undeciphered codex. Now at Yale's Bainikey. Bineckee Library, sparking global interest despite failed decoding attempts. Pull up some images of it so you can get, see what it looks like. It's real weird, man. It's real weird and it has detailed illustrations. Of like plants and stuff. Oh, here we go.

So here's a little video. So you could see like how cool it looks when they're opening up the book. Anything that you're getting that's a book that's from the fucking 1400s, where, 1,200. When is it from? 1500s. 15th century, 1400s. So 1,400s.

Any book that you're getting from the 1400s is fucking wild as it is. Just imagine these fucking people living back then, writing this shit down with a feather. Just touching it with her bare hands, huh? Yeah, you have to. It's actually worst. worse to do it with gloves? Really? Yeah, they found out that gloves,

the rubber is more abrasive than your finger. The oils of your fingers are actually more protective or something along those lines. Wow. Look how cool that looks, though. And they don't know if that's a real language. That's what's nuts.

You can't decode it. This is a good YouTube rabbit hole. It's a good one. Yeah. It's an interesting one because people say it's a hoax, but the thing about it is if it's a hoax, it's like really well done. and very complex and incredible amount of time dedicated to.

The fact that it's still tripping up people now, it's like there's an all-time great hoax then. Sort of, but think about how many languages we've lost. Like we just talked about 100 languages were lost somewhere around that in what is now considered Mexico. Now, you know, think about the rest of the world. Like, here's another instance. Mobs of indigenous people in Australia, the Aborigines.

Right. So they call themselves mobs. And that, you know, instead of a tribe. Right, right. And they have mobs that will live six, ten kilometers away that speak a completely different language. And they're all over the place, and they don't have these things written anywhere. So there's a bunch of their languages that are just spoken orally. And just disappear. And they will disappear.

And we don't know how many languages there are. Like my friend Adam Green Tree, who he used to own a mining company in Australia, and he employed a lot of Aborigines. He knows a lot about the culture. and he was like, dude, it's the, it's the craziest history because a lot of it is not written down and there's a lot of horrible tragedy and genocide attached to it. There's a cave that you can go to

where they gave this mob of Aborigines poisoned food on purpose, like a whole crew of them. And so there's like, just their bones are in this cave still to this day. He goes, dude, it's the darkest fucking thing you've ever seen in your life. You think about this family and their children, they're starving, and these people,

these, you know, white people in Australia were essentially prisoners that England shipped over there. Right. Just gave them poison. And just, damn. Damn. Damn.

Damn. Damn. Damn. And they got, bro, they got some crazy rock art. You ever see the glyphs of like alien-looking dudes? Oh, yeah. And shit and like... Yeah, there's like people with like rocket

that looked like they're on rocket ships and spacesuits. Yeah. What information, what stories, what is their version of the Bible that we missed. Because they never wrote it down. Yeah, there's something to do with a large flood. That seems to be consistent.

The hope he had that. Yeah, something to do with a large flood and something to do with some sort of either dragon or serpent type bad guy. Right. Those are the two main consistent things across most cultures. Some large flood event and some snake.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's all. And I wonder what the snake in the Bible really look like because in the Adam and Eve story Anytime you see a picture painted of it, it's painted as a snake. But the snake's punishment was it lost its limbs.

So this was a dragon. Ooh. Right? Because the snake's punishment was, it has to slith on the ground. But is that the snake's punishment forever? Is that like why God did that to the snakes, period? I think so.

I think that's the whole... Right. But doesn't that just explain what a snake looks like rather than describe a dragon? Like, why doesn't have limbs? God took away its limbs. Maybe it's reversed. It seems like it's reversed.

Yeah, maybe I just really wanted to be a dragon. Yeah, it seems like how come they don't get to have legs? Yeah, yeah. How come you don't get to have wings, bitch? You know? Because if you really think about it, like there are so many different stories. This is why, like, you know, the view, like that's that famous Joy Behar clip, but she said he believes in dragons. Great clip.

Yeah, it's awesome. It comes out of a conversation that I have with Forrest Galant. who's a wildlife biologist, who's like, there's a lot of depictions of these flying serpents and large serpents with wings all over the world. It's weird. Right. It is really weird.

Yeah, yeah. It's like a thing. It's really weird. And we know some dinosaurs flew. So there might have been some, do you think there's some sort of cross? Well, here's the thing. The Congo has had a legend of some sort of a large dinosaur-like creature forever.

To the point where explorers have made their way into the Congo to try to find this thing. Okay. That resembles, I think it resembles a brannosaurus. That could fly? No, no, no. Okay. That was in the jungle. Like, so the question is, is it possible that a creature could live for an extended period of time and then, you know, maybe in the 1100s or a thousand years ago or whatever, 2,000 years ago, they slaughtered them all and killed them off?

Like, maybe it, maybe they have a long gestation period. like an elephant. You know, maybe. Maybe it's possible they realized these things were a threat. They knew where they dend up. There was a small population anywhere and they killed them off.

Right. Maybe. Maybe. It's not likely. There's no bones. There's no nothing. But there's no bones of most things. That's the thing.

Most things that die do not leave a fossil. Yeah. And then they find things that they thought were extinct. Not just extinct, but extinct for millions and millions of years.

One of them is the celicant. You know about the celicamp? No. So the celacanth is this crazy-looking dinosaur fish that is unchanged from, God, I want to say, tens of millions of years. I don't know how old, but when you look at it, you're like, yo, look at that thing. And then they caught one once. They caught it. Like, I don't know, was a fishing net or a fishing boat, but they caught one.

And then they realized, like, oh, my God, these things are still alive. Like, we thought this was a part of the fossil record. Damn. And then they realized that there's parts of the ocean that jewelry. that we just haven't explored and these things and then they've caught a bunch of them since and then other fishermen have caught them but it's a very deep deep sea creature

that it's really ancient and then they found they... How old is the sealicant? Like how long has it been around for? Man. I hope I'm saying the word right. That's so wild to not find one for years and then all of a sudden you just find a bunch.

Well they found a few. Well then now that they know they exist they're looking that area and they're fishing in that area and they caught them. But can you show me an image of the sealicant? Oh, I think there's a YouTube channel that I think you'd really like called like, I think it's called Art.

Like, it's a, it just goes and looks through what the earth look like in every, like in different eras. So that's how freaky fish. Oh, yeah, I've seen this. It's armored. It's got like these crazy scales on it. It just, it looks like a throwback. So three, hold up, go out. Relatives being the first left sees 385.

Okay. So they're not our direct ancestors, but there are still relatives of beings that first left the seas. They left the sea 385 million years ago and became four-legged terrestrial animals. Damn, and this is like a common link? So what they're saying is there's creatures that left, so something like that left the sea, 385 million years ago, and became four-legged terrestrial animals from which we sprung. And these relatives are still alive today. So how long has the sea lakhanth been around?

So it says in 1938 pounds, in 1938, floating off the South African coast, the Indian Ocean, fishermen from the Irvine caught an unknown creature. He weighed 188 pounds, five feet in length, dark blue in color, and unabashedly chomped its jaws. This was not a fish, not just any fish that scales, fins, and limbs, or more precisely rudiments thereof.

Moreover, there were seven of them, two in the back, three on the belly, and another pair on the head. They had limbs on their head? Whoa. Should we know the local population occasionally caught these creatures that had even come up with a name for them, gombessa, which can be translated as bitter fish. Love that. Just eat it first, find out later.

The residents knew that it was nearly inedible. It was consumed due to the belief that its meat helped to cope with malaria symptoms. Yo, although it was possible to make something like sandpaper from their extremely strong and bristly scales. So when did they think, when, look at what it looked like. That's crazy. That's wild. That thing looks scary. It looks like a monster.

With all those weird appendages. Right. Eventually made its way onto the shore. Yeah. Nuts, man. How long ago was that? Like, how long did they think that thing had been extinct for? You'd have to look that up.

Yeah. Just put up, put into perplexity, the history of the sealicamp. Okay, here we go. How old is this motherfucker? 420 million years. Wow. Rediscovered. Damn, bro.

That's wild. Wow. They thought it had been extinct for 66 million years. And it was just living. Whoa. Dude, to live that long, that's pretty crazy. That's incredible. Yeah, that's incredible.

So this thing that was alive 400 million years ago is still alive today. They thought it was extinct for 68 million years. Is it possible that there's something else like that that's on land? Less likely, I think. I think ocean is more likely. Well, it's more undiscovered, right? Not just that. It's also like more protective of environmental change, right?

So it's probably less dependent on all that, like especially if you're a sea press. You're probably less dependent on you know all the plants growing and nuclear winter that's happening on the fucking surface right everything dies off and the ice age comes and it's fucking Meteor dust everywhere right you can tell you can survive a lot of stuff like climate change You're not worried about that really probably you are but it's probably something more things would probably survive in the ocean I would imagine. Yeah that makes more sense like how how old are alligators and crocodiles? Aren't they like isn't like aren't like sharks older than trees or something Old than trees.

Yeah. Older than trees. Such a mind fuck to think about. Yeah. Yeah. There's something that can be older than trees. Yeah, and they still are essentially in the same form. Mm-hmm.

Just fucking swimming, eating machines. Apex predators forever. You hear about that lady off Santa Cruz that got got the other day? No, but have you read that book about the, I read that book about the shark attacks in 1916? Oh, yeah. New Jersey? Yeah. Close to short where it's like, oh, damn.

It's a river. Yeah. It went in a freshwater river. Yeah. But they also didn't think sharks were dan-and-exam. dangerous at that time. That's so crazy. Like that was in that time, they were like, there were people like, oh, sharks, they're

just like sea puppies. They'll leave you alone. That was the thought. Part of the reason why that stuck out to people were like, oh, sharks are like dangerous creatures. Especially bull sharks. Because bull sharks are the ones that can swim all the way up to, like, they made their way to Illinois.

Oh, yeah. And they're just as, they're more aggressive than the Great Whites, right? Oh, yeah. They're hyper aggressive. But they make their way all the way up fresh water rivers all the way up. into like cold environments fucking Illinois had bull sharks Yeah

Fresh water Just can a fresh water shark It's just How bad luck do you How much of a bad luck do you have to be in a river I'm gonna attack by a shark It was your time to go You get your legs dangling out of an inner tube

Yeah Just chopped up And then you feel this sharp pain And you see red in the water And you realize your leg's gone Yeah it takes you a second To realize your leg is gone too Because it's so sharp and so yeah

Slices through it and you don't expect it Jeez Yeah. We were not expecting a shark in the lake. And you look down, you see the white of your kneecap. Everything underneath it is just torn tissue. Fuck. Yeah, yeah.

They didn't think it was dangerous at the time. Isn't that crazy? That's so wild. It's so wild. All the way up until 1960. In fact, some people thought sharks were just something that sailors made up. Whoa. Yeah, just like, oh, this giant sea creature that'll eat you.

They don't know what they're talking. Or like, this is just a sea myth. Well, it's also when you think about it, when people came to America, because there's no sharks in England. There's no sharks in Ireland. Right. They don't have a problem over there. So when they came to America, there was only like, we're talking about this shark attack was in the early 1900s. Yes, 1916.

So think about that. There's only like a couple hundred years of people even being here. Right. And that year was like a perfect storm of like the beach became like an acceptable thing to go lounge at. Before that it wasn't a thing. You even tried to twist it to say that it was trying to attack the dog, not the person. person is in the way. Yeah, he hates dogs.

What? It does lay out certain things like if you are swimming with a dog, you're more likely to get attacked by a shark. Interesting. And it's like something like a full moon. Like the moon really regulates sharks' emotions. So like more shark attacks happen on full moons. Oh, fuck.

There's certain things. Yeah, apparently having the dog, they never attack the dog. Really? But the dog attracts the, something about how they swim attacks the shark. Dogs don't get killed by sharks? They will attack the person. Really? Mm-hmm.

Wow. It's something, the book lays it out. There is something, there is like a, like a coordinate, like a bunch of different factors that sort of apply to that. Whoa. Mm-hmm. I don't think there's anything alive right now that is, you know, dinosaur-like. But I wonder how long they stuck around for. How long some of them stayed.

Just the last vegetables. If crocodiles and alligators didn't exist. Like, let's just imagine crocodiles didn't exist. The big ones, the Nile crocodiles. Let's imagine. Okay. No one thought there was a crocodile. It's nonsense.

And then one day someone got a video of one in the Congo. You'd be like, no, dinosaurs are real. Right. That's a dinosaur. Right. That is a straight up dinosaur. Yeah, it's a giant lizard. That is technically what's left.

This dude, Josh Beaumar. He's a bow hunter, and he just killed a world record crocodile. And I think it was in Tanzania. I think he, actually, I think he might have did it like two years ago. This thing is so big. It's, I think it's like 17 feet long, and it's probably over a hundred years old. He killed it with a bow. Look at the size of that thing.

God. Now, imagine if that thing didn't exist. If no one thought that that thing existed. And then you saw that. And then you saw that. You'd be like, yeah, that's a monster that I saw. Like, look at the size of that thing, man. Like if nobody went to Tanzania ever, if it was just a place that no one went to, and then people went there and they saw that, they're like, oh my God, dinosaurs are still alive.

Because that's a fucking dinosaur. Period. Full stop. You would, yeah, you'd be absolutely afraid of that. You could call it a crocodile, whatever. It's a species of dinosaurs that made it. It's still here. Like, when did crocodiles first evolve?

83 to 95 million years ago, late Cretaceous. Younger than the sealocan. Yeah. Crazy. Up to 250 million years ago. Still young. Still young. By 100 million years.

Well, it's probably the ancestor that came to shore and still eating shit. Right, right, right. If everything came out of the ocean, allegedly. Ooh, okay, there is something. So there's something that I do. It's like a gratefulness thing that I do. Because it's like, this is like a big moment for me in my career. I just released the special.

I'm walking away from the, I'm like not working social media at the club anymore. I'm like making steps out. So this is a YouTube video that I watch. Every time something. like sort of big happens to me. Or like I'm a crossroads. And it's, have you ever seen this? It's Mr. Rogers' Emmy acceptance speech.

Have you seen this? No. Okay. Can we pull that up, Jamie? And it's like a three-minute video, but like genuinely, because I'm going to do it too, I want you to do what he says. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

It's just a quick little thing. Okay. Yeah, and I'm, I'm. All right. Yeah, yeah. We'll see it. Yeah. For giving generation upon generation of children confidence in themselves.

for being their friend, for telling them again and again and again that they are special and that they have worth. It is my honor on behalf of everyone here and on behalf of the millions of children whose mornings you have brightened with your kindness to present you with this lifetime achievement of world. Oh, it's a beautiful night in this neighborhood. So many people have helped me to come to this night. Some of you are here, some are far away, some are even in heaven. All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are.

Those who have cared about you and wanted what was best for you in life. 10 seconds of silence. I'll watch the time. Whomever you've been thinking about, how pleased they must be to know the difference you feel they've made. You know, they're the kind of people television does well to offer our world. Special thanks to my family and friends and to my coworkers in public broadcasting, family communication,

communications and this academy for encouraging me allowing me all these years to be your neighbor may god be with you he seemed like the real deal yeah yeah who'd you think about nothing ever came out about him yeah for real right he wasn't like a jimmy savel i just i'm happy he was the real deal he really does seem like he is who'd you think about oh do i want to say it publicly oh yeah I do. You don't have to. You know, family. Personal people, you know. But, you know, you and I in particular are very fortunate. We have a lot of people that help us be who we are.

Yes. You know, and that is like the one thing that I think we really highlight at the club is that we really are all happy. We really are all lucky. And we really enjoy our time together and feed off of each other. I'm so happy too I would say the scene is like incredibly incredibly supportive of each other in a way that like it's nice

I guess in this sort of new system that we live in too where like you can just make it on your own like you don't need like I'm not auditioning for a spot that like Fuzzy's auditioning for because we're both brown Right you know what I mean Yeah there's no there's no reason There's no reason for me to be like damn

I hope he doesn't get this Right you know there's like It's a system of like oh dude we can all just create and then help each other. Yes. Like piggyback off each other. And like that's, it's like such a refreshing experience to have. It really is the rising tide lifts all boats.

And that's how it should be. And it happens everywhere too because like, you know, obviously you're at the mothership and you see how hard the door guys there crushed. But like, I'll go to sunset and sunset has some fucking killers as door guys now. Especially because like they came up in this experience where sunset, you know, famously the ceilings are high. and like the room can be cavernous, can feel cavernous when it's like tight. And so they come up in a harsher, like mothership, the rooms are set up for comedy.

Sunset, it never happened that way. The guy died before he could make it what he wanted to make it. And Red Band came in and just sort of saved it so he can open at the very least. So it's like they come up in these harsh situations and like there's this one kid at Sunset. His name is, well, kid is very funny to say. He's the grown man.

But Mumford Davis, he closes every single. single desk squad, which is like 18 hours long. So he closes every single one, goes up in front of a tired beat audience, and now he's just an absolute monster. Running with ankle weights on. Yeah, I mean, he's running with the biggest ankle weights on to go at the end of that, in that room, they're tired, they've been there forever. But you think about it, like, that's how Kinnison came up. Knessin was the, that was the Kinnison spot, was the last spot at the OR. You know, and think about his style that's screaming, yelling in your faith.

That's designed to shock an audience back to life. Right, just trying to keep going. That's Brody. That's Don Barris. That's Brian Holtzman. Like those guys that develop that act, they could just jolt you out of your complacency. It's kind of by necessity. Right, how to just like keep keeping someone's attention. Yes.

Like bringing it back is just so impressive. That's what I miss about the comedy. stories. I left before I got past, so I never got those, like, late-night OR spots. Those one in the morning, six people just survived. I mean, some of my best sets, favorite sets I've seen people have are in those spots. Yeah. Damn, you really made this work. Well, sometimes, like, reality shines through. Like, they have a real moment on stage where the comedy is just, like, people like, oh, shit. Like, I remember Laura Bites had a set one time, and I even posted it. Me and Burke Kreischer sat in the back of the room.

And she crushed so hard. There was only like 25 people in the room. And by the time she was offstage, there was 50 people in the room. Because people were coming in from other places to come and watch her set. Yeah, when you hear that noise, you're like, okay, what's going on here? Exactly. She was just on fire. She was killing.

Yeah, it's like those spots are nice because it's like, you know, your jokes. You have to work your jokes to get to a certain point where, like, my jokes are funny enough to showcase and work at the club. And now that I'm at this level, I got the jokes. now can I be funny? Right. You know, beyond like what my written, can I be just funny, me as a person? Yeah. You can kind of really hone that in those sort of late night tough rooms.

Yeah, you got to do those. Yeah, yeah, and that's what, you know, the store, at the end of the day, even through hard and, like, good times and tough times at the store, that's the reason why they always create monsters. Yeah. The store creates monsters. And Mitzi knew what she was doing. Mm-hmm. You know, she had a method to her madness, and she tweaked it and got it to the perfect form. We essentially use a similar form here.

Yeah, it's kind of like the method to make comedy happen. It's like just people in like these tough spots over and over again. Can you follow monsters? Right. Can you follow monsters? The best part about being at the ship is like I've had to follow like Theo and Shane and be like, damn, I just got to do this. Yeah. And then you have to follow like the emerging stars too.

because then they have a whole separate energy to them. Like, I remember following both Cam and James McCann after they both started, like, popping and being like, whoa, just watching the energy around them shift. Yeah. Yeah, it's like crazy. I lost McCain in Australia. I know.

He'll be back. He'll be back. He'll be back. I can't believe he had to go back. So funny, though. He's the best. He's one of my favorite guys out there. Because he's got such a unique, like, it's his perspective.

It's, like, you don't expect it. It's coming out of him. If you think the way he does, you get it. Yeah. But if you don't, it's really smart, really funny. High energy, too. Mm-hmm. It's, uh, because usually this hyper-intelligent go low energy.

It's very rare that a hyper-intelligent person, like, who's intelligent on stage on purpose like that, like he is, goes high energy. Right. That's a, that's what makes him unique to me, too. Yeah. It's because when they're, when, usually when comics are being smart on stage, and I'll do this too, they go soft. they go look at me think yeah McCann's like

I have the energy of I'm in a bar yelling at you but it's about Kyrgyzstan Yeah You know Yeah Yeah

Yeah we're lucky dude Yeah The scene is thriving Yeah Yeah there's so many places to go That's why I did mine A Black Rabbit Just a small little black box room

That's been like I've had sets there And it's like 10 people and they're amazing Wow. Yeah, yeah. They're just there for comedy. A lot of them are like, they tend to be like these sort of just out of college kids who can't really afford to go to like any of the clubs.

They just have money for the first time. We're like, oh, we can go to this little spot, like $10 tickets, just get introduced to comedy. It's a bit of a younger audience there. Well, there's just how many spots are just on our street? On our street? I mean, like there's... Within our street, like within close. That you can walk to?

Count Cap City because it's like one block over. Uh, uh, uh, I'm not Cap City. I'm sorry. Vulcan. No. And sunset. Creek. Creek. Creek in the cave. Creek.

Creek in the cave is one over. Okay. In that area, you have Vulcan, uh, sunset, Creek, um, Velvita. And then Bulls. These are bars that run at least run comedy at least three to four times a week. Is Bulls. Um, oh, fuck. I'm forgetting. I'm forgetting one of the places.

It's, I'm blanking on it now. So, but Bulls, Black Rabbit. If you want to count Roscoe's in East Austin They're a little bit down the road But they're still kind of in the downtown area So it's nine right there Narbar that's one I was thinking about That's 10 Shakespeare's runs it

A bunch and Maggie Mays runs it I think three times a week So there's at least 12 Pretty much dedicated comedy rooms And that's not including mics That's crazy That's not including mics Just in the area

When you say mics for people who don't know You mean open mics Yeah just open mics You're talking about booked clubs Or professional comedians Yeah these are shows with people And like some of them rough bar shows but they're shows and they're booked

wow yeah and there's a it's you can get on you can there's so many ways to come up oh you can walk you can walk I've I've had nights where I've had five sets and none of them were at the mother shit I'm just you're just out and about

yeah it is it is so and it's just different people getting up in different places it's each each of the each different place has their own ecosystem of comics who you know because you go you go where it gives you what gives you time.

That's where you always, that's the right way to go no matter what. Yeah. Just whatever is feeding you go. That's where you go. So there's different ecosystems in each places. And it's really, it's really fun. And you just get to see people like, man, just figure it out. And it's fun to watch.

And they'll figure it out on the podcast end. They'll figure it out on the comedy end. And it all sort of works together. It's got to be extra dope for you, too, because you were an early settler. Man, I feel like I got to the. Gold Rush in 48. I feel like, because when I got here, there was only three, it was me, Hans, Kim, and Derek, and Dylan. Dylan was eight years in, but those are the only four of us that were, like, not famous headliners that weren't new comics, basically.

Right. So we got to just do so many shows because there was no middle class. It was all, it was like California. It was all upper class and all, like, lower class. It was very Now it's robust Now there's just a bunch of killers That are like

Just moving here all the time There's this guy Nick Murphy Moved from Atlanta What year did you move here? 2001 I moved here early I got on a Zoom I got in a

With Dylan Sullivan We used to play this I used to play Game Niceer in the pandemic Online with our friends Because we weren't allowed out Right And so he pulled me aside

One day on Discord And was like You gotta move here And you made the pitch and then I was like I was pretty much there and then Derek moved here and he was like you gotta and this was just when we're doing shows out of the Vulcan this is just shows of the Vulcan

this was just but it was indoor shows man and so I moved here and then I was like because the way I looked at it was like look either I'm gonna like LA's gonna reopen and I'll be working at the comedy store again and I'll have at least gotten up in that time and gotten paid to go up because they paid they paid for every spot here right if you're booked so it's like at least got paid

and so I was like and then I'll go back to LA A little glitch But so So when you came here It was just like look I'll get some spots I'll get paid

And if the comedy store reopens I'll go back Yeah I'll go back And or the club Was still two weeks Two years away from opening But it's like I'll stick it out to the club

And see what happens If it doesn't work We were just starting to talk about a club back then Right Yeah you would put it on the universe And that was enough for me to be like I think he's gonna get that done And so I took a chance

And it ended up working and then I ended up being one of the first people like passed through there which ended up a huge huge blessing because now there's so many killers that it's like hard to get into the mothership there's so many like people who have moved it's like I almost tell people like it's a major city in that way in the sense of like if you can get good

where you are first and then move to Austin that might be better now than a blind move to Austin right as an opener yeah as a beginner as a beginner Yeah, it's hard as a beginner. Yeah. It's like L.A. was for a while. Oh, L.A.

L.A. is super tough. I imagine New York is super tough as well. The store was really tough. If you wanted to go from open mic to actual spots, like, bro, you got to do spots somewhere else. Right. You really should be better. You're better off coming there with potential. Like, you've already gotten a few years under your belt.

Then, like, trying to figure out. Yeah. Because the L.A. mics are especially brutal. The thing is, man, if you guys didn't come, it wouldn't have worked. Like, that was the thing. It's like, the people that really are responsible for the movement, the crazy new scene here are the ones who came before the club was open. Brian Simpson, Tom Seguro.

Segura was here early, man. I told him about it. He's like, I'm fucking moving. And then bam, I was like, whoa. And when Tom moved, I was like, that's a big deal. You know, because Tom was already doing arenas. Yeah. It required a certain amount of people to buy in.

Yeah. And that, you know, because of that, I'm very, because of that, I'm very pro-Austin. Like, man, if you buy in, look what can happen. Yeah, there's just stuff you can do. No one should not be pro-Austin. It's funny because Lewis and Tony were going back and forth and arguing, like, Lewis shit's on the Austin scene. Right.

They're the stupidest fucking thing of all the time. I mean, they should both be awesome. Who cares? Yeah, it's unnecessary. It's unnecessary, like, in-fighting. It's like catty girl fighting. It's like, why we both clearly can exist in a space where we can also help each other. The New York guys are always here, and I feel like we're always there. But the point is. What Tony and Lewis were going back and forth. And Lewis said, well, L.A. isn't even into consideration anymore. It's what's the best place for comedy in the country. And Tony goes, agreed. And why do you think that is? What do you think happened?

Where did those people go? And Lewis is like, oh, shit. But, you know, I will say this because I was just in L.A. I like where the L.A. scenes at it's rebuilding stronger. Of course it is. Yeah, yeah. It's the store. It's LA. It's Hollywood. It goes, it goes through dips. It's done it before. When I got there,

was at a low. When I came in 94, the OR was half empty, main room is never full. Oh, and then there was no big talent there. It's always like that. It comes, it goes, new people come up. It's legendary. It's got a vibe to it. It creates comedy just by existing.

Yeah, it's like, every time I'm there, I'm like, man, this is the fucking place. It's the fucking place. Man, that's been the place since 1970. something. I mean, that place is crazy. Yeah. You could do us what the building is alive in that place. A hundred percent.

Yeah, you feel it. It's soaked with the memories of Kinnison and Hicks and prior and here's what's crazy. You know the bucket seats in the back? Yeah. If you go during the day, they might have repainted the wall. So this is when I worked there. But when you go during the day, because I'd get there early and like right or whatever, and you can look where the bucket seats are, the outline of all the heads, because of all the

oil of the people leaning back was just there. So you were just there and it's just the energy of all these great comics just in the room with you. Yeah. It was an interesting place to like be during the day because you could sort of feel it. Very special place. Very special place. You're never going to take away from that.

But the thing is it's like it should be and it will be even better than it used to be I'm sure. But the point is it's like denying that Austin is an amazing scene is just stupid. Yes. It's just stupid. And also, don't you want another great scene? Do you want a limited amount of options for comedians?

Don't you want more comics and more comedy? Right, and more places for you to end up performing? Shut up. Like now, yeah, now you can go to Austin and spend a couple weeks there and get a lot of time and learn how to talk to people here. There's so many bitches in this world. So many bitches. And those bitches never get anything done.

They just sit and bitch. And nothing is, nothing is. Nothing ever gets done. They never progress. Yeah, man, just video essays. I watch all the video essays. Yeah, that's so funny. Why would you watch those?

It's just so funny to me. Because they all start, they all, the whole concept that Austin is ruined comedy is very funny to me. Because there's so many comics that are blowing up outside everywhere all the time. It's just silly. It's like my friend said. It's a walled garden. That's what it is. It seems like the people are having too much fun.

And if you're not there and if you don't have aspirations to be there, you feel bad about it. When I lived in Boston, the store was like Mecca. People would talk about it. You know, it was like, you had to make the pilgrimage to the comedy store. It's one of the first things I did when I came to L.A. Oh, no, it's a big deal. The first time you go there, I remember looking at it being just the feeling in my heart. The first time I went there, I hadn't even moved there yet. I went there just to watch. I told them I was a comedian from New York. I'm like, can I go and watch a set? I'm like, yeah, sure. And they let me come in and I sat in the back and watched and it was like Bodax. It was terrible. It was really bad. It was like a bunch of

cruise ship acts, like a bunch of guys who had the same act from the 1970s. They had never, you know those dudes that, like, you'll see them at the store occasionally now that have an act from the 80s. Well, these dudes, it was like a decade earlier. Yeah, when I worked at La Jolla, there was one guy that they booked that they had like some deal with Mitzie that he got to perform once a year at the La Jolla. And man, you can just tell, man, it's been, you haven't changed this act since the 70s. Yeah, they just never evolved.

And, you know, and they weren't getting spots from Kinnison was around. The place was packed and then Kinnison left and then he had a billboard. You put a billboard right in front of the comedy store of his new album that was coming out. Why did he leave the store? I don't know. He probably did something stupid. Okay. I think he definitely fired off a gun because, remember he shot the.

The bullet hole is still there. Yeah. I heard they fixed the sign though. No, it's bad. They fixed the plastic. Yeah, they might have. I think the plastic was falling apart, but they kept the bullet hole because the bullet hole is still there. Okay.

Yeah, I went and looked. I made sure. Pretty crazy. The Kittes and Bullethole is like part of the thing there. Yeah. But the crack glass was also part of the thing. Yeah, but I think eventually just fell apart. It's been like 40 years since that happened.

I mean, that might have it got him banned. Not sure. But then he was banned. And then when I came, it was 94, so he was already dead. He was dead and Hicks was dead. So it was weird. Okay. And so that's what the law was from.

That's what the law was from. They were just kind of missing that top-level guy. There was a law. And guys were to occasionally. dropped in to work out but they didn't put their name on the marquee no one never knew they were gonna be there like Chris Rock would come in and work out Damon would come in and work out but the big comics that were there like Domarero would stop in there was guys that would stop in but then it was mostly us younger guys

Holtsman was a big part back then I can't imagine Holtzman as a young guy I mean me and we're only a few ages a few years different it feels like he's just looked like that since he did look like he was a throwback he looked like he was from the 1950s when I met him in 94 yeah Like, slick back, dark hair. Right. Always the best. Always a nice guy.

Yeah. Oh, my God. He's the sweetest guy in the world. There's something about guys who are like that on stage are always super sweet off stage. Because they, like, truly get all the venom out. It's like William Montgomery. If you watch William Montgomery on stage, he's a raving lunatic. Yeah.

You know that picture. Oh, wow. Look at Holtzman to the right with a suit on. Oh, my God. And the Pauly. Who's next to you? Freddie Soto. That's Freddie Soto.

Damn. Boy, that was. was probably like 96. Wow. Crazy. Yeah, Brian does look the exact same. He looks exactly same. He had jet black hair and he would...

You know what he kind of looks like? That's his headshot. There's this guy on Instagram where his whole thing is he pretends to be a greaser. Oh, really? Yeah, but like unironically. And that's kind of what he looks like. But it's really funny because all his... All his comments are just like, yo, show us that hog.

Like, that's become the... So he does, like, greaser shit. And then all the comics are like, but how come, where's the hog reveal? Why is hog? Yeah, it's become, like... That's funny. He's so unironically trying to be a greaser that the comments came up with their own sort of culture around him. So it's comedy accidentally.

Yeah, the kind of mocking him. They're all kind of making fun of him. But he's genuinely trying to be portrayed this guy as this greaser guy. It's like Mike the greaser or something like that. It's so funny. Well, Holtzman was just, I thought he was going to blow up, man. I really did. I was like, oh, this guy's going to be fucking huge.

This guy's going to be gigantic. There was a few guys back then that I was like, that guy's going to be big. Do you ever see Mike Rica? No. The early 90s, Mike Ricka was great, man. I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened with him. I don't even know if he does comedy anymore.

Yeah, it's so easy. People fall off all the, like, it's like, because it is brutal. The game is brutal. It can be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but you have to have something brutal outside of the game to keep you centered. You should do something else that's also difficult. For me, it's obviously working out.

That's a big part of what keeps me sane. I think it's important for mental health. The people that are the most mentally unhealthy and unstable that I know all have no control of their body. None of them exercise. They don't eat well. They eat terrible food. They take medications and they're all fucked up in the head. and then little things can send them off a deep end.

One person makes a mean tweet about them and a couple people pile on and they want to jump off a building. Right. You know, there's a bunch of those people out there and I think like with the pressures of this job, you have to, for your own sanity, you have to find some sort of an outlet,

find some sort of a thing. Or like take a walk. That too. Yeah, yeah. It's so... That'll help, but it should be something that's a little bit that you exert yourself. Well, that's like, I was like,

that's a good place to start if you're one of these people that like don't do like yeah just a simple walk can really get the ball rolling don't jump right into crossfit yeah yeah yeah yeah just nothing couch to crossfit yeah just be outside and like smell the air and be we're so because like does your phone send you the screen time updates what do you mean like so my phone will send me like a week lead like this how much you spend on your phone oh yeah yeah yeah yeah for me it's like damn this is like a full time job that i'm spending on my phone it's a lot it's disgusting and I have to just remind myself like oh the reason I feel bad is I'm on this.

100%. I'm on this and I'm consuming a fake reality that like I think one of the most dangerous things that the phone, like the online existence does is it calls like people like call their fans and stuff a community and it's not really a community. Your community has to be people you see in person. It can't be this online possibly fake fan club basically. Well it certainly can't be a large percentage of your interactions with

That's nuts. But I mean, there is some sort of a community that you kind of cultivate by interacting with people on social media. It's just at what price? Right. You know, and at what price? And then how much are you doom scrolling other than interacting with people and having like semi-positive experiences communicating with like sharing ideas? How much of it is just doom scrolling? Right. For me, it was a lot. And so I backed off it heavy.

So I still spend a lot of time on YouTube, though. My distraction time is almost all YouTube. No, I'm a doom scroller Yeah, because you get caught You see one thing and you're like It's so easy to just do that It is, but I don't want that Because it makes me feel weird But YouTube doesn't make me feel weird

So if I watch some really cool video On ancient history or something I never feel bad at all I'm like oh, that was cool I don't come out of it With any negative feeling I just come out of it like Oh that's interesting

I learned something YouTube is like the modern television Oh it's fucking phenomenal That's the one. Phenomenal. You can just find some. There's people making high quality things. Sometimes I'll get caught up in things that I don't even care about.

Yeah. Like I don't, I'm not like a huge horror movie fan. I like movies, but I found this one page called Nightmare movies and he just explains his favorite horror movies and he has a great voice. And I've watched like all of his videos. Zero interest in watching any of the movies. I'm interested in watching him react to the movies. Really? Yeah, yeah.

What's really dope on YouTube also is these little short horror movies. that people make on their own. Like real super low budget, but like really interesting ideas. There's a ton of them, man. Right. Some of them are fucking great. They're really cool. They're like eight minutes long. Yeah, two minutes long and they can just get you.

Yeah. There's so much entertainment. I like watching people make furniture for some reason. I really do. I love watching people make like live-edged tables and shit. I don't know. Yeah, it's just like, oh, this tickles me. I like watching people cook.

I watch a lot of cooking. Well, it's so, it's so, like, you can, everyone's entertainment so, like, in their own lane that you can come across a video and be, like, 8 million views and you've never even seen it. Right, right, right. Like, true virality is tough. Like, in the future, are there going to be even, like,

A-list celebrities like that? You know? Like, or, like, it's going to be, there's going to be less and less, like, A, like, what would you describe as, like, an A-list celebrity, right? Because everyone has their own sort of lane. Well, there's more celebrities now than there ever have been before, for sure.

There's more, let's just say, famous people. Right. There's more people that are known than ever before because of social media. Like, you know about all the streamers and YouTubers and... Oh, yeah. Austin has a huge streaming scene. Yeah. It's insane. So there's that. So that muddies the water because like you go back to like, let's go back to like 1960 when Paul Newman was a superstar making movies. How many fucking Paul Newman's were there? Right. Yeah. Was it 10? Yeah. On earth? Right. If you wanted to make a big movie, you got Marlon Brando, Paul Newman, you know, you have a few people. Like a star on Sydney Sweeney's like level now

Right Back then that would be a name to sell movies Mm-hmm Now like there's movies that she's in that people don't watch Right And that's like what like an A-list celebrity is now It's like these you There's so much stuff you're competing with

There's so much content Just period I'm always watching a new show Right There's always a new show and they're fucking great There's so many great shows Yeah or not even just random Instagram accounts I do that I watch this guy's Sandwiches of history?

All he does is he finds a sandwich book from, like, some of them from, like, the early 1900s and just makes a sandwich in them. Is any of them good? Some of them are amazing and some of them suck at ass. Some of them are, like, some of them are like Depression era, you know what I mean? It's like bread and sawdust or whatever, you know? But some of them are, some of them are like, damn, that's like a good sandwich. And I just watch this guy eat sandwiches and be like, this is, this is a great use of my time.

Making an orange peel sandwich from 1921 here. 1921. So you take orange peels, you mix it up with mayonnaise, and you spread it on bread. Let's see his face. He always goes, I'll give this sandwich a go. He has like a catchphrase. I'm all about it. Okay.

It doesn't look like he likes it. It's a terrible idea. Orange peel sandwich the fuck out of here. Well, that's what people ate. Yeah, you're starving. You're starving. You're eating an orange peel sandwich. Yeah.

The sandwich was made by a guy. in a hurry, right? Wasn't that the idea? I just threw some fucking meat and some bread and to eat it all together? Yeah, I think so. And the people were like, wow. Wasn't his name sandwich? He was like the Earl of Sandwich. I think it was a sandwich. Something like that. Yeah. As I'm saying that,

is that real though? Is that just like Goofy? We definitely searched this before. Isn't there an Earl of Sandwich? Is that like a... No, there 100% is, but it's also like a store and I'm just like, well, I'm like, is that even maybe just like a little silly myth. I'll tell you what, if the sandwich didn't originate with the Earl of Sandwich? What a mighty coincidence that is.

What a real deal. If there is an Earl of Sandwich. What is the origins of the term sandwich? I'm stuck looking at the Earl of Sandwich. Okay, so the Earl of Sandwich exists. But just put into perplexity, what are the origins of the sandwich? I'm pretty sure it was like a military guy. Yes.

And he was like, fuck it, just give me the bread and the meat. I'll put it together and cut the bread open, stuffed it in there. Because I think they used to just eat bread and eat meat, eat bread. They just ate bread by itself. Like separately. Yeah, very autistically. Keep the food separate. 18th century England named after John Montague.

The fourth oral of sandwich. Uh-huh. Someone is the oral of sandwich. During a prolonged card game in 1917, 162. Oh, that's right. He was gambling. That's right. Now I remember.

Oh, well, now that gambling's so fucking massive now. What cool food is going to come out of that? That's hard to hear. All the fast food Uber eats will deliver it right to your table. Allowing him to eat without interrupting play, the practice creation popularized the handheld meal among England's elite. There it is. Oh, that's so far. It used to be an elite food.

Oh, so it looks like the Romans had it before. It says similar concepts predated Montague, such as the Roman Ophela, which involved meat or cheese between bread slices. That's a sandwich. Right. He just didn't call it that. Huh. Okay. They finally had a name that stuck.

Is there a current Earl of sandwich? I bet there is. Yeah. Imagine if he's gluten sensitive. That's what I was digging through is this, but I didn't get any good information from it. Well, now we know. You want to talk about places to eat. Austin has an amazing fucking selection of places to eat.

During the day, the night. leaves a little yeah there needs to be a late night diner well we were talking about that last night like one of the things I really miss about LA is the Jewish delis okay cantors yes we used to go there after a club we'd leave and we'd go to canters and I would get a pastrami Rubin with steak fries oh my god have you ever had a pastrami Rubin from Cantor yeah good Lord that's what you get at Canters that's good yeah I mean it might be the best pastrami Rubin on earth it's right up there with Katz Deli in New York City which is maybe the

Oh, I've never been there. Oh, Lord. Katz's Deli in New York City is fucking legendary. First of all, you have to, you get a ticket when you get there. I don't even know if they accept credit cards. You might have to pay in cash. Oh, I like that. You get a ticket when you get there, and you can't lose your ticket.

If you lose your ticket, you've got to pay like 50 bucks. Because you take that ticket, and on that ticket, they write all the things you get. So you go up to the counter, and they're like, we're going to get you. And there's guys that have been fucking chopping meat since the 20s. You know, and they'll slice you off a couple of pieces of brisket. slice you off a couple of pieces of pastrami and you get to eat it while you're there while you're waiting for your sandwich to be made and you know you tell them what you want and he pulls the fucking pastrami out and starts slicing it up in front of it steams coming off of it he's

piling it on that rye bread you like you can't wait and then he gives you a couple pickles in there and then you're like what else you want and then you move down the line like i get an order of fries you get order fries i want a root beer blah blah and then you get to the end and they put it all on your ticket and then when you leave after you've eaten then you're you bring the ticket up to the counter. Ah, okay. Yeah, that's how it works. That's how it works.

You have to keep track of stuff. It's a weird old system, so nobody pays attention. So everyone loses their fucking ticket. Right. If you're from out of town, if you've never been there before, you're like, what? The ticket? What? What happened?

How much is it? It's a way to scam the tourists a little bit. It's like a tourist fee, not a scam. Well, I just think it's how they used to account back then. They just never changed it. It's kind of the charm of the place. Right. It's got this weird thing.

Older vibes. me some canter sandwiches son yeah some of that we were we uh my when i was a door guy we were big swingers guys that was the that was show me cats yeah that was the that was the that was the diner we went to but like swingers is great that was a great diner yeah that was a great diner really good food and that was open pretty late too look at that son are you fucking kidding me look at that bestrammy with Swiss cheese oh lord that's so good and they piled it up high and they've been doing it that way since the fucking 1800s. How old is Cantors?

1888? Jeez. 1888. Look how good that looks. Oh. You can see how she's pulling it like that. The flavors. Yeah.

See, this is what Austin is definitely missing. Yeah. We need something late night. Something that we can all eat where you can go and hang out and like. Now, I had heard that someone was opening a cat's deli in Austin. Right? But I don't think it's cat. Cats deli from New York City.

No, it's just called Cats Deli. Cats never closes? Oh, coming soon. Hold on, go back. Coming soon on Sixth Street. How far is that from us? Well, we're on Six. It's on West Sixth.

So it's like near. It's taking over a current spot. Yeah. What's that? It's taking over us, like I think there's like a bar there or something now. Oh, okay. Yeah, it's kind of near where- Opening in the same locations the OG Katz is operated for 32 years.

So it's way down by Jay Carvers. Yeah, but this is. That's a five-minute drive. Yeah, you can walk there from the club. We do that all the time. Cats never closes. But that was August 18th. Has there been any news since?

Is it open? Yeah, it's, no, no, no, it's going to take a year. Oh, it's going to take a year. Oh, they're building it out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa. There's a few places like that that are just, they got the name out, and it's going to be open in a year and a half.

So was there an original Katz's never closes, or is a new? That's the one. That's where it was. It closed in 2011. So they lied. No, what do you mean? Fucking closed. Yeah, cat sometimes closes for 15 years

By the way, I would have never allowed them to use a cave for clothes. Like, guys, we're not kooky. Stop. Yeah, you're not crispy cream. Yeah, why are you doing that? So expected in 2026, maybe 2027. Oh, okay, well, hopefully they, yeah. Because that's the big hole right now in the Austin game.

Look at it, though. This is it. New York-style deli menu with sandwiches like Rubens, day-long breakfast dishes like waffle, sandwiches and blinces, entrees including pork roasts and meatlobes. Oh my God, it sounds amazing. Open 24-7. All right, that'll be it for us. That'll be it. Finally, finally. Because that was the big hole. Outside of that, Austin has like amazing food.

We should help them. But yeah, after 10 p.m. it gets rough pickings. Yeah, let's blow them up when they open up. A lot of halal carts, which I wouldn't expect in Austin. That's such a funny. Going through there, I wouldn't be like, oh, halal carts would be a good way I get late night food. Entrepreneurs. Yeah Dude's recognize the need

Yeah There's the only things you can get Oh There's golden tiger That's great They're open pretty late Right They're open until like

You're like 130 Yeah That's pretty late That's pretty good The comic life You're like out at two I know Looking for food at two

Yeah too And you're like Well I thank God The Mexican hot dog carts People are here Right Yeah that happened Recently

They start showing up Yeah there's always Smart people To capitalize Because there's always I mean There's so many people walking around drunk.

Right, just looking for stuff. Especially 6th Street. You got a taco truck. You can kill it. Oh, yeah. On 6th Street? Oh, 2 in the morning, all the fucking zombies. And there's that road when you go up to 7th where when you're headed towards

Creek, there's a whole parking lot that's got a bunch of food trucks up in there. There's a place. My favorite place is called Diddy Dog. They got Bulgogi fries. Booggi fries. Bogogi fries. Isn't there a really good cheeseburger place over there, too? Oh yeah, this is the Yala burgers

They're pretty good But for me, downtown If I'm eating downtown I'm eating the bulgogi fries That good, huh? Oh yeah There are a lot So you can't get them very often

Now that I'm older That I'm like, oh yeah I have to take care of myself But when I first moved here I was on that bulgogi fry diet son It's kind of insane How many great restaurants are here though It's like

Oh yeah The numbers nuts Yeah just and good casual eating places too It's like you can really Everyone who moves I call it When you move to Austin, there's the freshman 15. Just for eating here.

Just for meeting here. You just get it. And then after you live here for like five years, you get, I think you just get so tired of brisket that you can't look at it again for a while. It's so much brisket that I only go now and like out of town people are here. I could eat it 24 days out of a month. I'll take six off. Oh, no.

I love it. Sometimes the Terry Blacks will come to the green room and I'll be like, I can't look at this right now. Oh no. This is like day three in a row of Terry Blacks. Not to complain, but it is funny. Terry Blacks has those beef ribs, dog. Those beef ribs are insane.

I do describe it. I have that. You got to take every tourist that's like the Disneyland of Austin. Yeah. Yeah, it's a line that moves quickly. You can see everything's made. And it's a fucking huge place.

They, I think they're like the highest volume restaurant in the country. Really? Yeah, I think in terms of like brisket and barbecue and stuff. I think they were telling me that. I forget what the exact statistic they told me. but it was like the volume of food that they served there is like as high as anywhere in the country. That makes sense. It's always, there's always a line there.

Giant line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they always move quickly, so they're always getting people like in and out. Well, you can only eat so much. Like, when you sit down and eat barbecue, you ain't sitting there for three hours, bitch. No. No. And you also always get more than you can eat.

Yeah, you always like, yeah, because it looks so good up there. And then like the second you have like their cornbread, you're so full. What the fuck is having? Especially those beef ribs, but they're so rich. You can only eat, like, so much of it before you're like, oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. Not before a show. That's always a mistake that people make.

Bro, last time we had a whole group of us, I made a mistake of sitting next to Metzger, and I was in the corner. They just fucking looming over me with conspiracy theories. Like, Kurt, you got to stop. Try to enjoy these ribs. You got to stop. I don't know if it's just the Terry Blacks in Austin, because I know they have one in Dallas, I think, too.

But it says 18% of America's Brisket is served by. them. 18% of America. That's so much risk it. That's crazy. Metzger's a fun one in the green room. My favorite is when he'll be like, I thought this was common knowledge. You don't know?

Yeah, you don't know. There was something he said in the green room the other day about like Morgan Freeman. And some deep conspiracy about Morgan Freeman. And we're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I thought this was common knowledge. It's like, no, no one knows anything about what you're talking about. Is it the Morgan Freeman dated his granddaughter or some children? Step-granddaughter.

Step-granddaughter. Yeah, had a dated her and then the boyfriend went crazy and, like, killed her. And he was like, I thought that was common knowledge. It's like, what do you mean? Is that true? The boyfriend went crazy and killed? That's what he said. I looked at it afterwards and I was like, I don't know where.

Kurt gets his news plugged in straight from the Matrix, I think. I don't even know where he finds his stuff. Well, he's on that Jimmy Door Show. Mm-hmm. You know, and Jimmy Door Show, the entire show, is about exposing corruption and conspiracies and it's a lot. Yeah. You live in that world all the time.

Then everything becomes a conspiracy and everything. It doesn't leave a lot of room for sunshine. Also, here's the thing, there's enough conspiracy. Like we talked about the Franklin scandal. There's enough conspiracies that are absolutely real and provable that if you go into it, you will kind of go crazy. Right. I mean, this is what kind of happened to Alex Jones.

This is what happens to a lot of people that get involved in conspiracies. It's like you find out how many of them are true and you start losing your fucking mind. You're like, what is real? Like what really controls the world? Like what fucking lizard people are really at the center of this whole thing? Right. Yeah. This is kind of better to just stay away at a certain point.

Just be like, yeah. Well, you should probably pay attention a little bit, but some people must have an obligation to do it because if it doesn't get exposed, then it's going to continue. And the only way that you can kind of put a stop to this stuff is people have to get busted and they have to be held accountable. The public has to get outraged. So someone has to be making these videos. But it doesn't have to be you. Right. Doesn't have to be it.

Yeah. Like, for your own personal mental health, it's just not good to absorb all of the evil of the world. Yeah, there's no reason to take that on. There's no reason. Just find happiness in your lane. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like that's pretty easy to do.

Yeah, I feel like that's pretty easy to do. Yeah, just be a lot of people, just be happy with where you are and work from there. Yeah, but it's just like some people feel obligated to be a part of something, you know? And then you find the thing about like with Metzger is like he wasn't always like this. I was friends with him long before he started working with Jimmy. And he was, you know, fun and crazy, always like the same kind of guy. But now it's like the obsession is all on deep corruption and conspiracies. It's like, yo.

But he's right. He's right about a lot of it. Right. Which is nuts. And he maintains a lot of it at his fucking brain just bouncing around in there. like but yeah but I mean it's yeah it just takes over man I do think uh white precious his his Commessential special that's low-key one of the most underrated specials of all time that the special is great he's very funny that special is great he's very good his writing's very

good he's just very smart you know he's a great podcast guest too basically just got to kind of corral him a little bit you know yeah because he'll go from one subject to the next subject to the next all in like one rank you're like okay go go go go go go back to that first one queen of Elizabeth did what? Yeah. You know? Yeah. He's just, well, we have a lot of, I mean, he's another one that lives in Austin now.

We have a lot of them. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's, uh, I'm, it's so, it's so fun watching, like, all these, like, young kids to, like, rise up and be, like, and just, like, find themselves. It's so, like, I mentioned fuzzy earlier, but just watching him on stage. Like, he doesn't. It's so, it's great watching him just, like, figure out to not give a fuck and then see what comes from that. Yeah. Like, right.

he's doing these things at the end when he closes out like fat man he'll also do a Q&A but he's not famous so the questions are so much funnier and like the answers are so much wilder because it's just some guy that they all just met that's hilarious yeah so it's a very fun dynamic to watch his Q&As and just being because the whole audience is like wait we're doing a Q&A why we had no questions coming in that's funny yeah the first time I ever saw anybody do a Q&A was Seinfeld really yeah he did a whole set he did like 45 minutes And then it was at the Paradise in Boston The Paradise was a small club It was a rock and roll club that was connected to Stitches

And Stitches was the comedy club So for the comedy club like if you're a regular comedian I think Stitches probably seated Maybe 150 people It was like a little bit bigger than little boy And so if you were a regular comic Like a road headliner you'd do stitches And then if you're a big guy like Jerry Seinfeld

had been on television you do The Paradise Okay So I was with a date. I think I was maybe 20. And I went to see Jerry Seinfeld before I ever did stand up. And he did stand up. And then he came back out and he answered questions. And he would just riffed with the audience.

And it was fucking great. It was really cool. He just started riffing about stuff. And I guess that's like how he was creating material and coming up with new premises. Yeah. Do you get bits when you do that? Sometimes. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's not an exact science. Like we'll have a whole fun Q&A session for 20 minutes and does No bits. Right. And I'll do it five times, six times, and then one time, bam, I got one. And then you just got to grab that sucker and reel it into the shore. Yeah, and just work on it.

Yeah, and then figure it out. But bottom of the barrel is the best. Bottom of the barrel is the best premise factory ever. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I feel like, because there's certain people who do it. Like, I think you're, I mean, you're great at it. And I feel like you should, like, if you were thinking about doing a special,

would you ever consider doing a bottom of the barrel type special? No, because I'd say too much wild shit that I wouldn't, want to get published. That's a very fair point. That's a very, the most insane shit I've ever said has been on bottom of the barrel. And just like,

I'm so glad there's a place where I can get this thought out because they'll look at you. Like, yo, what the fuck? And you're like, hey, this isn't my idea. You fucking wrote this down. Yeah, they get mad at you. I remember one time I got beastiality

and it reminded me of a story. So the way we consumed porn as kids, because you guys had like magazines and you'd find in the woods, you have a bit about that. Yeah. Yeah, that was not, so weird, there was these, this was like pre-Porn Hub. So these pre-Yutubes of porn, as I call them, but there are these, like, dedicated sites.

They'd be like, one of them was like Mr. Chew's Asian Beaver. I think you can tell what that's about. That one was great because probably run by a Jewish guy. Yeah, for sure. Definitely not a Mr. Chu. But there was a, there was at the very, there was this very racist cartoon beaver, and he would have like the buck teeth and the rice hat. And then he would rate every girl out of fortune, like out of five, four years.

cookies at the end of each video that was the whole premise of the site that's what we were coming up with and then one day and we'd watch that together in like seventh grade like that's the our huddling around the magazine and then one day we invited the weird guy and he had found one where people fuck animals yeah it was like wow and there's been very famous videos I think there's one called like Mr. Hands or something like yeah yeah there's very famous like those originated out of those sites and so he was showing us that and And then what I said on stage is it gave me the life experience to know that sometimes when you, sometimes when you watch people fuck a dog, sometimes the dog enjoys it. And they all looked at me like I was horrified, which is a kind of horrifying thing to say, but I was also like, well, you brought it up.

Yeah. I wasn't going to tell the story unless you asked me. Some dogs must like it. There's probably a girl dog out there that like some dick. Oh, I mean, there's probably a guy, there's probably a guy dog out there that's giving some dick right now. For sure. To some ladies? Yeah, to some crazy lady.

I've seen videos when I was a kid. There was like this video that a friend of mine had. And I remember one of us had to watch the door. So it was like there was a- Like a century? Yeah, because there's a door down into the basement. So one of us had to stand up at the door and the rest of us were huddled in front of this fucking 12-inch television

with a VCR attached to it. Damn. And you put the VHS tape in there. We're watching like a copy of a copy of Barnyard Betty. And Barnyard Betty was this crazy. They took some crazy crackhead and they gave her money to suck a dog's dick and get fucked by a German Shepherd. It's a weird watch, man. Yeah.

You come across some weird shit out there. Just dog just pumped nut into this fucking poor, drunken, sad, alcoholic, drug addict lady. Jesus. It was sad. Yeah. Sad. Yeah. That's a...

But that's, yeah, that's how... Fuck. Well, porn's fucked. It's just so... It's so crazy how it's... just move towards, I guess it's more empowering, I guess what it's about individual creators? Right, like only fans?

Yeah. Do you know the numbers? You ever seen the numbers? I saw the one lady that makes more than LeBron. Yeah, that, but I mean the number of actual girls that are on Onlyfans. Oh, it must be. It must be depressing. It's crazy. Yeah, and it must be depressing how many people are selling themselves to like nobody.

Exactly, that's the thing. The vast majority aren't making any money. Right. And then they're pussies out there forever. Just forever. Yeah, they're getting fucked by that. a dildo in front of the whole world and the guy saves it on his hard drive forever and ever and never and ever right and you were 19 you just didn't want to work but i think the number between girls of 18 to i forget what the age is something in their 20s it's like 10% that's crazy that's but it's content

creation it's like that's a genuine market that people are going for and that's the way to that's a way to do it it's also pornography it is pornography right but i mean content creation is TikTok instagram right you know what i mean like that's content creation i think think they view it in the same vein. Wow. It depends on what you do, right? I know that top lady, and this is something... Sophie Rain.

Sophie Rain. And this is something that's just interesting across all Gen Z is that her thing is that she's a virgin. Right. And that's how she sells, which is like, yeah, which, you know, take it for what it is. But like her and that the Nick Shirley guy virgin, Nick Fuentes virgin, virgin. It's like, that's like a thing that you can sell to Gen Z is virginity. Yeah, you were talking to me about this in the green room.

that like this in-cell problem is unrecognized. Yes. There's a giant percentage of people that are like voluntarily celibate in this country. Yes, I think so. And it's like a lot of it is maybe this sort of new religious, this sort of religious fervor that's sort of developing with them as well because Gen Z is more religious. Yeah, but aren't they horny?

I don't get it. They're not, they're not, there's something like some crazy amount of women under 25. I've never been approached by a guy their age like in public. What? Yeah, yeah. The game is DMs, so it's all online.

so it's all fueling that sort of loneliness. Yeah, they don't go out. They don't go out. Alcohol consumption from Gen Z to millennials is like they drink 800% less, some crazy shit like that. Third spaces, you know the concept of a third space? No. Okay, so you have work and home.

That's space one, space two. And a third space is like, you know, when I was visiting college, we go to the bowling alley every day for one summer. It was stuff like that. It's a place that you can all go. The library, the mall, places to exist outside of the two spaces.

Those places are completely disappearing. Whether people are staying inside all the time or they've become too expensive. Like movies now are like very expensive. So it's like kind of priced out of being a third space on top of all the things that are going on with movies. So those are also disappearing. So places where you can meet someone in person are gone. So they're not meeting in person. A lot of it is app driven and and you know.

And then you gotta wonder about like sex drive drop off. Mm-hmm. Because... Well, you can access porn like instantly now. Right. So you can at least play that part of your brain, give it something.

Right. Give it a rush of some kind that it would kind maybe get from like a lesser version of sex, but still fill that void. Right. You can goon. There's also testosterone levels have dropped.

Mm-hmm. Like fertility levels amongst women have dropped. Yeah. Miscarages have risen. The West, the West, the fertility. the rates in the West are like massively concerning. Like it's

you know people like worry about bringing in migrants but at the same time there's the only ones having kids at replacement level like the West isn't having that. I had my 15 year high school reunion recently and I was in town and I was like I'll go to this and I was like damn I'll probably be the only one who's like not

married and doesn't have kids and most of the people weren't married or didn't have kids. How old do you know? 33. Wow. Most? Most of the people there I would say of, yeah, didn't have kids, which is wild. 33 at any other generation, this is a late time to not have a kid. Yeah.

This is pretty, for people who grew up middle class millennial, I would say this is pretty standard to not have a kid. And there's certain, I think, driving factors, too, the fact that a house is unbiable for a lot of people my age and a younger. That, like, because you're sold a dream on a house and two kids. Well, if you can't get the house, like, it's, it's, It sucks to be renting with kids. Right.

You know, the instability. Average home buyer age is increasing while the median age for all U.S. home buyers reaching 59. Whoa, that's pretty late. Yeah, record high of 20, 40. Median age for first time buyers hit a record high of 40. Yeah. So it's like that's how much, that's how long you have to, like, it's hard to raise a kid without a house, you know? That's crazy.

And the American, I think the American community in that way is dying because, like, you know, you, It takes a village to raise a child. So you raise a house, you raise a child in a house you bought. Your neighbors generally say the same. There's a certain level of comfort and like, you know, oh, my mom can do this thing for me.

I can go to my neighbor's house. And you know what I mean? There's safety in that. But if everyone around you is a renter, then your community kind of disappears. Yeah. There's no, like, set community. That's a really good point.

Mm-hmm. And it's like bringing up in a kids need consistency. Mm-hmm. So bringing up in a world that's constantly shifting, it's probably anxiety inducing to people who can't afford homes. For sure. Definitely on that.

And then child care is expensive. Then if also your friends aren't doing it, you know, and then women are waiting later and later because they want to prolong their careers. Right. And then it becomes harder. And then you get into in vitro fertilization. Yeah, there's definitely some this, with this wave of feminism and capitalism. There's definitely some, like, insidious ties there of just like you can, you can, oh, like work, create capital for us, and then make it, make it so it's impossible or very hard

for a one working house spouse to, like, just if the man is working to raise a kid. Do you think it's on purpose? I think maybe it didn't start on purpose, but I think it sort of became intertwined. Well, isn't it just a, just a side effect of if women want to pursue careers, you're going to have less children? But the, that is for sure. There's a thing about it. There's this like almost demonization of the women who choose to stay at home.

Like, you know, it's like, oh, a trad wife. It's looked down on. But isn't that just because of the women that are pursuing careers that give them that look down on? Yeah, that's true. And it's probably because they secretly feel like maybe they're missing out. Maybe. To me, it's like, it's so funny that both can exist. It can be the woman that go for their careers and the woman that want to stay home.

It's just for one group to demonize the other, I think it's just very interesting. Yeah, it is weird, but it's also like population drop is a real thing. It does look like the humanity. Have you ever seen that population curve of the deer? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's like, so I think humanity is kind of at that point where it levels off. Hmm. Have you seen?

Yeah, because I remember my bio classes there, which that would be the population, like, the exponential growth and then the level off. And we've had the exponential growth, and we're looking like that part of the graph. Well, the thing is like there is still exponential growth is just not in the West. That's what's kind of weird. Right, right. It's poor people. Poor people want to have a bunch kids and they're having them all the time. Right.

And then they want to come over here. Yeah. Take over Minnesota. And they'd have their kids in daycare. That doesn't exist. Right. But yeah, there is something happening in the West. Or like the way that like the South Korea and Japan.

Oh, they're fucked. They're like fucked. They're like actually fucked. They're like a couple generations away from like how you're going to support this whole thing. Right. Unless you let people in. Well, or you encourage people to have. kids if you turn it around with the youngest people and then you have like a blip for a while

but then it gets back to it but man you have to like make a concerted effort and how do you encourage people to have children like because you're going to have to have women that don't pursue careers right right if you're going to have five kids like what are you going to do you're working all day right that's kind of crazy right when you have kids you realize how nuts that is because it's like man your kids they they want their parents you know and that's good for them to have their parents around, especially in this world of predators and creeps and weirdos and things that can happen at daycare. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a, it's, I don't know how they would incentivize that to happen. How do you? Yeah, you can't really. Yeah, because people are selfish. They want what they want in their life. And, you know, when Elon's like, oh, we're experiencing population to collapse, they're like,

so on, not me, bye. Right. I'm going to the movies with my friends. You know what I mean? Like the idea of changing diapers. Like, I don't want, I don't like her that much to stick around with her for the next 18 years. Yeah, you also, you also, when you have the ability to choose everyone at your fingertips, it's like Netflix, when you can watch everything, you watch nothing.

So we can choose everyone, you can't, you don't commit to anything. Right. Yeah, it's just because everything is these sort of superfluous, like, kind of deep relationships. I know a lot of people that have used the apps and then found someone and got off the apps. So there are people, but generally they're a little older. Mm-hmm. Right? Yes, they're like, at a certain age you sort of like look for that.

Yeah. But like in your early 20, when people were like settling down in the 20s beforehand, it made sense. They were the only person around maybe like, but now you're in a city. You can just, it can be like in a big one in New York where there's like an endless stream of people. There's no reason to make a choice if you don't want to. I saw a video of a lady who created an app where a man is allowed to pay for her preparation for the date. So the man sends her money so that she can get her nails done, get clothes for the day, all these different things for the date. And this lady set up this app. Damn. I'm like,

it's smart. It's kind of prostitution. I mean, it's sure. I mean, it's kind of without the guarantee of sex. It's weird. You're not just showing up. These are my clothes. I drove here in my car. I'm meeting a person. No, it's that person is paying me to prepare for our date. Right. And creating me into a person in his head. It's kind of dark. Oh, you're going to get a very different kind of person that's going to meet you. You're going to get a kind of person that's willing to give you money immediately. Before he has any connection with you at all.

Right. Like, he might meet you and you're fucking super annoying. He's like, God damn it, I gave that bitch a hundred bucks. That's so funny. That's Richard. I think it was Richard Feynman. He was talking about getting girls because he was good at it. And he was like, yeah, I never paid for the drink on the first date.

Wow. Never. Something like that. It seems kind of crazy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's not going to get a lot of quality women. Ah, well.

Maybe it was back then. It was different. Yeah. And you're kind of famous in your world. Yeah, he's a famous, brilliant guy. The scientists back then were all like rock stars. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, yeah.

They're all like just fucking everyone around them. They're nuts? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was normal. Just making the atomic bomb. Just fucking losing their minds. That was the crazy thing about the Oppenheimer thing, right? You right?

Yeah, it was a freak. Good for him. It's just out there getting his fuck on. Yeah, fucking communist chicks. Yeah. They're probably fun Oh yeah That's living

Especially back then That's living Dangerously That's the same level Of come as the gay Republican Senator It's like This is banned

Right Right Right Right How many gay Republican centers You think there are I mean Not zero

Yeah for sure In the closet Not zero No definitely not It's usually It is usually the ones That are like The most pro

Like anyone who's like Still very pro Anti-Gay marriage Now loudly It's like What's going on here? Or really?

into war we gotta get those Iraqis out of their homes oh yeah the fucking just so just warhawks with Iran's going through it right now what's going on right now yeah you don't know what's happening in Iran I know about the protests so I know about killing the protesters yeah that I mean that's what yeah it seems like there's some sort of a strike that may be eminent mm-hmm it doesn't it it feels like it like from us states yeah I think the US is kind of gonna stay back for a little bit. You think so? A week in Iran is they're weak right now.

Because they're dealing with internal strife. It's kind of crazy to see how many people are on the streets. I mean, the average Iranian civilian has gotten a pretty raw deal since the 50s, since we installed the Shah. Yeah. We installed the

Shah and then Khomeini comes and is like, hey, remember the democracy they stole from you? Because we had deposed an elected leader. Well, we'll bring it back. And they're like, okay. and then the clerics just took over and fucked them. And they've just been a constant stream of like the average, the average urbaniansians is just getting fucked by outside forces for so long.

Well, it's all about the nationalization of their oil. Yep. They wanted to nationalize their oil. And we were like, no. No, play. Yeah, fuck that. Fuck that. You think you're going to have control over your own state?

Get out of here. Did you heard Metzger's theory about Venezuela last night? No. He's like, he goes, I think, I think Maduro, is secretly working for the CIA. He helped them arrest him, and then he is going to testify that the 2020 elections were rigged.

Wow, if that comes true, what a Babe Ruth call. What a point to the sky that is. That's crazy. I told him if that comes true, I'm buying you a car. I go find a car you really like. We're going to get you a car. Yeah, that's crazy.

You need an American muscle car. I'll get you a Mustang GT or something. But I will say this. When the Iranians protest, it's like admirable because you know they're going to die. A lot of them have already. died.

They killed thousands of them. A lot of them died. And the same with the hijab protests where just women were disappearing for not wearing a job. It's like, damn, bro. That's how bad it got. They really like, they've gotten a raw deal historically for the last half a century and they're still fighting.

Yeah. Crazy. Yeah, I read, when I was a kid, I read this book called Persepolis. It's in my, like, greatest books of all time. But it's, I read Persepolis and I was like maybe in high school, early, late middle school. And I just realized like, oh, man. Because you get bombarded, especially at that time, we're in fighting in the Middle East.

You get bombarded with propaganda of what these people like over there. And I'm reading Persepolis. I'm like, oh, right, they're just people. Like, she has this scene where she's just wanting to listen to music with her friends, but the Islamic police is like, will fucking fuck them up if they get caught. And they just have these secret parties with just listening to music. Secret listening to music parties. Just listen to music.

Yeah. Just regular things. What is this? Venezuela opposition. Maria Corina Machado insists that Maduro rigged the 2020 U.S. elections against Donald Trump and many other elections in the region. What? How? I saw it going around too, so I don't know that Kurt's too crazy on that one.

What? Yeah, this isn't even the first. This is just how I was showing you the day. How could Maduro rig United States elections? Yeah, where is that power coming from all of a sudden? Because if the power of rig election, do you think he would be able to stop himself from getting arrested? This is from the gray zone. It says Hugo El Polo Carvall Carvajal is likely to serve as a star witness for the U.S. against Maduro.

Max Blumenthal reveals Carvajal is a coerced witness who cut a secret plea deal to save himself. He's even indulging Trump's Trump's conspiracy theory that Venezuela rigged the 2020 U.S. election. What's the gray zone? I think that's Max Blumenthal's show. Okay, so that's like a source? Yeah. Okay, okay, okay. He's legit.

Okay. Yeah. Anti-war. Mm-hmm. So if he's saying that, maybe there's something to do it. Damn. How would he, in what mechanism would Maduro be able to do an election? Okay, let's find that out.

How do they think Maduro had a hand in rigging the 2020 election? What's the conspiracy? Yeah. Was it like he did all the, like he helped with the mail-in votes? Right. Because that's the only way you could steal that election, right? Venezuela's pretty far away. Here's a tweet from before the election even happened.

Nicholas Maduro's campaign manager, this is from 2024, just went on national TV to declare victory despite exit polls showing a historic loss for their socialist regime. They're setting up to commit a bigger election theft than the 2020 election in the United States. No, that's not, that's just someone's opinion. Yeah, how does that add up? that they're stealing the election. Yeah, because they stole it in Venezuela? But they did steal it in Venezuela.

Yeah, that's for sure. What does it say? I'm just looking around that this is... It says he did clearly stole Venezuela's election, threatened bloodshed if he lost, restricted. What is that? Intel. What is it? International observers. International observers.

Block transmission of results. Yeah, that definitely happened. I mean, it was very telling how happy the Venezuelans in America were when he was gone. Yeah. That was a genuine thing if they were very, very pleased about that. Yeah, and then you had people, you had like white leftists be like, this is bad. Yeah. You're supporting a dictator.

It's like, and the way they did it was so unprecedented. Going and stormed the fucking castle and steal the guy. Yeah. Kind of shows the power, like, it kind of tells also all the other countries like, hey, back off. Well, it's pretty crazy what they did, if it's true, with that whole sonar weapon or sound weapon, whatever it did that literally makes your organs bubble. And everybody falls to the ground. They're writhing in pain and agony. And then they just stormed in.

And everybody was incapacitated. Damn. Stormed in and fucked everybody up. years in Afghanistan. Okay, here's lawyer Sidney Powell in 2020 talking about Maduro having access to voting fraud technology.

Maduro's going to sing like a canary and the Democrats are screwed. No wonder what... Okay. Is that lady even real? Who? That looks like a... The avatar? The person tweeting this. See, this reeks of bought to me. Yeah, yeah, follow me for breaking

news. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Why do you know? Or just guy account clearly just making stuff up See if you can find an account Of how they did it Because there's an account by someone Who was a witness that was there at the scene That said how fucking crazy it was

That these guys came out of nowhere The helicopters came out of nowhere The drones, they shut down all the radar Everything got shut down And then all of a sudden there's drones flying everywhere And helicopters And these dudes 20 guys killed

You know who knows how many fucking humans. No one got killed on the American side. They captured him and his wife, stuffed him back in the helicopter, and they were in and out in 10 minutes. In 10 minutes, yeah. There's a very famous video of a Twitch streamer in Venezuela just out in the streets

and then everything just really? Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, it just goes dark. That's crazy. Damn. That's crazy. And yeah, you can, and you're a human, you can tell like, oh, something's up. Yeah. This is not a normal, everything, like all the street, it went just dark. Well, it's crazy because

We knew they had some really wild technology, but we didn't know what they were capable of until we've seen this. Right. And they're like, oh, what's really interesting is my friend Evan Hafer was talking about that like a year ago on the podcast. He was talking about it, maybe less than a year.

He was like, if we go to war with the cartels, like they have no idea what kind of ultra-violence they're in for. He's like, the shit that these guys are going to do when they're going to plan this out, They built a replica of his house and they went through it blindfolded. Yeah. So they know exactly where every turn is, where to go. They war planned this for a long time.

The livestreamer thing was a false story. Oh, was false? Which one? Of the live stream going out. Yeah. Right, but find the account of the witness. I stumbled across that on the way to it. Okay.

The account of the guy who said he was there, if it's accurate, is crazy. because he basically said they just incapacitated everyone and then just went in and murdered everybody and pulled out Maduro like no one could move you can't do anything and then these guys land in helicopters and everyone's writhing in agony like just running through

damn whacked everybody no one got shot back at crazy yeah but I think yeah I think that's what warfare outside of what's happening in Russia Ukraine that's kind of what warfare is now right like oh is Iran gonna is Israel gonna go to war with Iran We'll just quickly just take out all their generals real quick. And the threat of war is done. You know, you're dealing with Venezuela versus the United States of America.

Right. But if it was the United States of America versus Russia. Or China, it would be a lot different. It's a lot more fucked up. Yeah. Venezuela doesn't have nuclear bombs. That's why you can get away with shit like this. Right, right.

Right. Yeah, that's a fair point. That is part of the thing, you know. And then it's like, the whole thing's so transparent. Trump's like immediately, we're going to take the oil. There's plenty of oil. Oh, yeah. Working on a deal.

Yeah, I don't think it was a coincidence. All of a sudden, I had gas under $2 last week in the gas station across the street. I was like, huh, I wonder if that's Venezuela related. Not in California. California gas companies are pulling out. Valero pulled out of California. It's going to cost them $1 billion. And they're like, yeah, it's not worth it.

Rather leave. Yeah. Fuck you. Well, yeah, the cost of living there is so high, too. It's like, like, when we talk about, like, young comics, it's like, it's what you have in Austin is, like, at least a way, a much cheaper quality of life. And better. And better. Yeah, where you have space and, like, you know, things are more expensive than anywhere else in Texas, probably for sure.

But, like, it's still, like, gas was under $2. You can get, you can, like, rent is stabilizing. It's going down. It's going to go down. I think a lot of, like, California and New York developers came in here, and there were, like, Austin's where people are. so we can just build a lot. But in New York and California, you have a finite amount of space.

And also you can just build out. And once you build out, like the rent that my place went down because people were like, oh, I'll just buy a house out there. And no one's living in the apartment complex. And it's, like, you know, like... If you live in Dripping Springs,

it's way cheaper and it's only 30 minutes away. Yeah, everywhere in the country, 30-minute commute is normal. Right. Right. Yeah, it's normal. What's nice about here is you'll see something that's 15 minutes.

It'll be 15 miles. Like, oh, that's normal. That's normal Yeah Elliot's a hour Yeah It was an hour and a half No it was almost two hours

I went from Redondo Beach To fucking Burbank after a podcast at 5 And I was like Oh I should have just killed myself That would have been a more effective use of my time Locked up Yeah yeah

When the 405 or the 5 gets locked up It's depressing Oh it's hell That trip down to San Diego If you want to do the La Jolla store You gotta leave early You gotta leave at noon Leave at noon

Because that means you'd be down In San Diego Right around the time rush hour starts. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. It's, but yeah, it's just a cheaper place to, like, for a young comic who, like, if it's time

to move to a place. Yeah. It's like, Austin does offer a cheaper quality for quality stage time as well. It's also just a better vibe. There's less tension. There's less people. Yes. Yes.

I feel like there are times where I would take a day off in L.A. And I feel like I'm falling behind because everyone around you is so frantic. And here it's like, oh, I can breathe. I can actually just enjoy this day off, which is important. You got to have some kind of balance. You know, you want to be a little bit frantic, but then you got to achieve some balance and let your brain sort of recalibrate, come back on, just get a new perspective. Yeah, rest is over.

This grind culture. Oh, here we go. Get into this, though. Same kind of thing. I'll check the account. Ficked up account. Main proponent for the drive to recall Gavin Newsome, California. any needs to rebuild, the better.

So it might be a fake person. And then there's no evidence to like a link or where they got the information from, which is why I just checked first. But they just have a long story here. It just says interview security guards. So it could be total propaganda, right? Yeah, it made up from a, you know, you could ask AI to make up a story. Right.

It knew a good story to put on Twitter about this. And then, yeah, just don't know that if you tried to find it anywhere else? Is it only from this one guy? Yeah, that's why I was finding. It was Caroline Levitt shared it. and this is the that's the main account where she shared it from

stop what you're doing and read this I googled that and she said that a ton of time how long has Carolyn Levin been the press secretary this whole time right aren't they how quickly do they move past those they usually last about two years except for that last lady yeah

I wonder if that set a precedent she decided to hang in there to bid her in they were trying to get rid of her she sucked St. Pierre right yeah whatever her name was it wasn't St. Pierre I thought it was something like that Carine Jean-Pierre. Okay, yeah, it was something Pierre.

Yeah, yeah. Bro, she was terrible. She did it forever. And again, the president is committed. The president, like, she would do like the Obama thing with her fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the fuck out of here. They just try.

She had a lie all the time. Like, that's her job. Dead person. Yeah. Yeah, that's hard to do. That's pretty like, you know, you have to keep juggling a lot to be like, oh, this dead person's still alive. I thought he was going to die, like, immediately after he left office. I'm like, he's going to die.

die soon, like real soon. Yeah, it's kind of wild he's kept going. But every now and then, they'll trot him out and he'll start talking. He'll be at an Eagles game. He's like, yeah, you know what's going on. But every now and then, he'll talk. They still let him talk. Like, there's been a few of those where he'll talk like, thank God you didn't win.

Jesus Christ, if you came back and, you know, they never replaced Kamala with you and you won or you're this guy now? Well, yeah. Well, he fucked them by not bowing out. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, at least let him have a primary. Because then it just became Kamala versus Trump and the whole like, oh, vote for me to fight fascism. But no one voted for you in the first place. The thing is if they had a primary, who do you think would have been at?

They probably would have made her. It would have been probably, the Democrats would have decided on her anyway, I think. Because it would have been too soon for Newsom to run. He still has a stink of COVID on him. So that's why he waited for this go around. Yeah, it's been enough. People have forgotten COVID enough. It's been more than half.

It's been half a decade since. People's minds, like, people's political memories are so short that, yeah, 20208, that's so far away from COVID that he can, he can just be like, yeah, I did fine or whatever the fuck. Do you think so? I think so. Enough to run, enough to probably get the nomination. Do you think he's going to get the nomination?

Who else? Who else? I feel like someone else can rise over the next three years. Someone else would have, if it would have been an Obama thing, it would be like someone would be rising in this upcoming midterm. So if there's someone like that, maybe, but... All it takes is someone who's a compelling speaker who's not demonstrably full of shit.

Because the thing about him is he's so vulnerable to any kind of a debate. When someone starts talking about the fraud and waste in California, how about the high-speed rail, they spent billions of dollars and it's fucking nothing. Nothing. Like, soon, we're going to get it done soon. Right.

There's so much fraud, so much waste. Yeah, but I don't think they have anything. Because you can, right now, all you can run... You can just run on like, I'm not Trump. And that'll be enough to get people being like, yeah, he's not Trump. What about that Josh Shapiro guy? The guy's governor of Pennsylvania? Maybe.

I don't know. To me, it's like a political popularity contest, and he's making a lot of noise. A lot of people upset of the Jews right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a fair point. Yeah. That's a fair way. Shapiro? Hmm.

It just seems like, hmm. Yeah. That's a good point. It just seems like he's the one making the most noise. And we're getting towards crunch time. Not really, but like it's the closer we get to the midterms and there's no other big voice. It makes me feel like it's going to be him. Well, clearly he wants to do it.

He definitely wants to do it. And he might just be powerful politically enough to win that nomination. Imagine if that guy fucks up San Francisco, fucks up California, and then goes on to fuck up the whole country. Oh, it's very possible. Maybe not very possible. But I think it's an outcome. It's an outcome.

He's definitely running. It's going to be, I don't know what that ticket's going to be, but... They're going to make us all trans. Yeah, it's going to be like a Newsome Crockett. That's my early call of what they're going to try to run. No, shut the fuck up. Are you kidding? Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Really? Yeah, yeah. I think that's who they're... Wow. Not AOC? Maybe AOC. I think AOC is more reasonable. AOC is much more reasonable.

For sure. You've ever seen when Crockett, Marjorie, Taylor Green, start going back and forth with each other, insulting each other? yelling each other? No, that's Oh yeah, I did. I did see that. That's a very,

very fun moment. Oh, nobody wants to be a representative. That's the thing. It's like all these successful business people and academics, like they don't want to do that. No, it's all like lawyers and like, yeah.

And creeps. And creeps. Yeah, that's the only, well, it's like it's one of those things where you're right, the person who wants to do it probably isn't, or a person who should do it, probably isn't going to want to do it.

100%. Because you do have to make decisions that negatively affect millions of people's lives sometimes. And you've got to grease the pockets of your donors. Yeah. And to be like a regular guy and want to do that which probably would tear you

apart. To be like, here's a decision that'll kill people. You've got to be kind of a sociopath. What's really fucked is how much of an impact people like us have on elections now. That's what's nuts. Like podcasters have a big impact on elections now. Which is really weird.

That's how much the mainstream media has kind of lost its lead. Drop the ball. Drop the ball hardcore. Well, it's just by being unreliable. Like, being people that you can't trust. And uncensored conversation is like, people are going to trust them more. Because this is how people talk to their friends more often than not.

Yeah. Then, like, oh, I can't say this because this sponsor is going to be mad at me. Right. You know? Like, this is just a much more accessible way of finding out people's real thoughts. And a lot of it is just how we talk. I mean, there's been so many times we've been in the green room that totally could have been a pot. Right.

Just put a camera on it, live in the green room. It would fuck up the vibe. Right. But it would be a great podcast. Yeah, it would. It would fuck up the vibe. Yeah, it would lose that quality that would make it a good podcast if we were trying to actually podcast. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

All right, brother. Well, I'll see you tonight. I'll see you tonight. And tell everybody your special, it's out. It's on YouTube. It's on YouTube. It's called Too Soon. Check it out. It's very proud of this material.

It's great material, man. And you've been killing it. You've been killing it, the club. And the new stuff's fantastic too. Thank you. Look at that hair. Look at that hair. Every time I've been on here, I've had different hair.

Today I went cornrows. Yeah. You've had the cornrows for a while now, right? Just a week or so. I did it for a sketch, and then I was like, I kind of like this. Yeah, it's crazy for this guy, this hairline to have cornrows. All right, my brother. Appreciate you.

See you tonight. See tonight. Bye, everybody.