The Joe Rogan Experience - #2445 - Bert Kreischer

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

Bert Kreischer is a comedian, actor, host of “The Bertcast” and “Something’s Burning,” and co-host of “2 Bears, 1 Cave” with Tom Segura. His new show, “Free Bert,” is streaming on Netflix. He will be touring in 2026 with the “Permission to Party” tour.www.netflix.com/title/81696123www.youtube.com/@bertkreischerwww.ymhstudios.com/2bears/www.bertyboyproductions.comwww.bertbertbert.com Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Get a free welcome kit with your first subscription of AG1 at https://drinkag1.com/joerogan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Rogan podcast, checking out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. Hey, dude, hey, does a red light therapy really help your fucking eyes? 100%. I'm doing it. Are we rolling? Yeah.

My eyes are so fucked. Yeah. I can't see Joe. Get one of the Gary Brecker beds for your house. Well, there's a bunch of companies that sell them, but you want, like, a really powerful red light bed. I did it this morning. Dude, it changed my vision. I can't, when I'm in the shower, I can't read shampoo.

bath gel. Whoa. Like I'm like, dude, why did they need to be small? Can't you just make a big as fuck so everyone can see it? They're not that small. They're like, I can't see them. And then I'm getting out naked, putting on readers to see what I'm fucking... I've watched my hair with conditioners so many times.

Yeah, mine was getting bad. Mine was getting where I needed these fucking things, which I haven't picked up in months. I heard you say that and I was like, dude... I went to waste well the other day and I did the red light bed every day, every day. every day until I googled how much it cost that thing's fucking expensive it's expensive the real one but Whitney got one that's not that expensive and it's fixed her eyes

she got one that she sits in front of every day for like 20 minutes or something like that I love that oh dude it's amazing but the big ones the beds they help your whole body recover they're like we could let's put that into perplexity and say what is the benefits

of powerful red light therapy I fucking I use AI so much now I was in the beginning, I was resisting it so much. Then perplexity came on as a sponsor. And now, instead of searching things online, I just ask the phone. I just pull up the app and ask it a question. I don't have to type anything. And then it gives me an answer. And then I could say, well, what's the benefits of it? And then it'll list out the benefits. And then I'll say, what are the cons? Then it'll list out the cons. Like, is there, you know, there are any people to disagree with this? Perplexity? Yeah. So I got one.

my questions are always like they're always more like about me so I's like they're very you look yourself up no no no I don't look myself up it's about like your health no my health or my experience in life so like so like I was like I was the other day I was in bed I was like all right I think my generation had the greatest run like out of all the generations around My generation, Gen X, had the greatest run. We got great childhoods, right? We got to experience cell phones. We got to be impressed by the cell phone.

Right. We had 9-11, which wasn't great, but it was the time of the country healed, right? Everyone wants a big tragedy, like the JFK shooting. You want that moment where you walk by a bar and they're like, what are you doing? You haven't heard? We got one of those. Right. We had the pandemic, which is insane.

Right. We had our music played better. We had rock. We had, I mean, just the internet took off. So we got to experience that. I think my generation, Gen X is yours too, right? Yeah, I'm Jack. So I asked that to chat GBT and I was wrong.

What do you mean? The greatest generation is actually labeled the greatest generation. It's my grandmother, your grandmother. They experienced horse and buggy. They then went, they saw cars. They saw television. All within the time they had horse and buggy, they saw people land on the moon. I mean, all that shit, telephones.

who got fucked with the baby boomers. They were just old enough to not understand cell phones. They got fucked. Millennials got fucked. Millennials got real fucked. Yeah, I don't know about the greatest generation. I think you're correct. I think the passage of the internet, like the internet going through our lives and cell phones.

I experienced VHS tapes first. Then I experienced answering machines. That was a big one. Caller ID. You know who's calling. calling you, you could just duck people. That was crazy. I remember when caller ID showed up.

I remember when Star 69 showed up where you can block your caller ID. Star 69 was good because you could call people back that were pranking you. Like, hey, motherfucker. They're like, what? What's going on?

Dude, we got prank calls. My kids didn't ever got prank calls. Like, they never understood what a prank call was. The jerky boys. Jerky boys were fucking amazing. Dude. Those guys were so funny.

So those recordings were so funny You know who did a great Fucking prank call recording? Who? Greg Fitzsimmons. Really? Oh my God, it's hilarious

He did this one We called a rental car place And he said that the car was on fire Because they went to the gas station And they filled up pots and pans with gas And they put it in the back seat And fucking Bobby smoking And now the car's on fire

Like you gotta hear this guy freaking out What do you mean the car's on fire? it's you can't do that anymore dude Greg you know when people go like what kind of music you listen to you talk to a real musician

like you talk to the black keys right and then you go like what do you guys listen to they're like have you heard of the velvet thud or something right right they've got some obscure and they're like that's what you need to listen to when people say I listen to Sunday papers that's Fitzsimmons and Gibbons podcast

I go you're real comedy fans those are the two funniest human beings alive ever Greg Fitzsimmons When I got ready for lucky, I brought him on the road with me. I was like, dude, I trust you. Just tell me where I'm sloppy. Tell me where I'm lazy.

Tell me where I'm leaving jokes. And that first night, he was like, you got a minute? And he went through my whole hour. He's like, I think you're leaving this on the table. Dude, those motherfuckers are the funniest dudes alive. Yeah, Greg's awesome. We started out together. We started like one week apart from each other.

For real? Yeah, literally. We went on the road. God, in the early days, Greg and I traveled everywhere. We did open mic. We would drive to Rhode Island do open mics together. He was a great example of the first dude I ever saw talking about his family on stage, and it wasn't nerdy.

Right, right, right, right. Him and his son ran a train on his wife. What? It was a great joke. He was like, I had my first threesome. It was with my son, so it's a little awkward. I'm fucking great joke up. He goes, my son was breastfeeding, and I was getting her from behind. We had to high five in the middle. But I remember hearing that as a, you can remember when, remember being a dad as a comic was like off limits. Right, right.

And I saw that. I just had Georgia. The second person I saw, the first person is Greg. The second person I saw. I mean, I'm talking, just had Georgia was Louis fucking CK. I went and worked the road with him. And he was doing all the material for that first special that popped for him. And he was talking about his kids and he was just like, my daughter's a cunt.

And he goes, I know I'm not supposed to say that. But what else do you say to something? one who I'll put their shoes on. They're a cunt. We're trying to leave the house, and they won't put their shoes. Imagine if you wouldn't leave it. And it was just like,

and it was like, I'm sitting there, you know, lost in like what I thought was stand up was like some imitation of Dane, you know? And I'm watching Louis going, like, this is something totally different.

Yeah. Those guys, best prank call I've ever heard, sidebar, Brandon Walsh. Brandon Walsh. Brandon Walsh is a funny motherfucker. Brandon Walsh.

What's he up to? I don't know. I think he does like, like, like a, like, he's always been like more, more art comedy, you know, like, more like performance. He does these podcasts where he puts a neck brace on and a wig and giant glasses and he plays a character.

He's a funny dude, man. Do you remember what? He was an Austin guy. He was, he was, he was, I remember he was on your podcast? I remember him telling you the story and I think about this all the time. A circuit city had closed by his house. And so, and he lives in Silver Lake. Oh, that's right.

He made a prank. We told everybody was turning into Whole Foods. And he got everybody so excited. Oh, Whole Foods is going to be a Silver Lake. He just did it for himself. Yes. So then he could be in the coffee shop and hear people talking about Whole Foods. He did a prank call.

I think Stanhope sent it to me. He was like, this is the best prank call ever. And is Brendan calling a, like a phone sex? And you know, they always try to keep you on the line. Right. So he's like, hey, what are you wearing? She was like, nothing. What are you wearing?

He's like nothing. And then you hear like, a, a dog barking in the back. And she goes, is that your dog? He's like, yeah, yeah, ignore him, ignore him. And then the dog barks a little longer. And he's like, tell me what are you touching yourself? And then you hear a baby crying in the back.

And he's like, she's like, is, is that your baby? And he's like, no, it's fine, it's fine. It's a different room. It's, I'm totally fine. And then you hear a woman come in and go, are you on the fucking phone sex again? And he's like, hey, leave me alone. And she's like, do you know one to do this later? He's like, don't worry about it.

And then you hear a marching band come in playing, alooa, looah, do. And he's just trying to hold her on the line. Dude, I was crying. That is like, like, you know, not to, like, get too meta about it, but comedy has become so, and I'm a part of this, I'm so self-promotional and put it on, I got to take it's a new show. When you see someone like Brendan or like, or like Greg and Mike who just do it for the pure, just to make themselves giggle.

Yeah. It's so beautiful. Gillis is like that. Yeah. Gillis is, Gillis, I always think he's just a, like, like a, my favorite Shane Gillis story that I will,

until I die, we're doing, we're doing fully loaded, the first year. And Shane's on everyone, Mark's on everyone, Nicky's on everyone. It's like, stop it, it's the best year we probably did it, no offense. And Shane sees my daughter, George, who's being a PA with a friend, Daisy.

And he's the very last night, and Shane walks up, and he's like, you guys sneaking beers and they're like no he goes oh come on i'm not gonna rat you out i'm like no we're not he's like come on you're 18 years old you're on tour it's our last night you guys are sneaking beers and they're like we're not sneaking beers he goes i can smell the beer on you and they're like we've been sneaking beers and he goes okay and he just sits down right next to me he goes georgia sneaking beers did you know she was sneaking beers no i had no idea she just fucking ratted her out she's your daughter yeah you're getting

hammered every night you're not gonna notice like dad's drunk you won't even know if we're drunk she would yeah she it's funny because I go to like her college and other dads you know party and like she's like she doesn't she's always like kind of low-key about it and like that dads will like bite beer cans and kill him and shotgun beers I know that's what dads do really yeah which dads I don't mean these dads You're in a different school zone The uh that's what dads do

And I'm always like you know This is what I do for a living I can fucking murder these guys She's like, oh dad I'm like you like him crushing a beer And shotguning it Fucking like a microdose What are we talking about?

What are you telling about Jamie Sorry, right before we get started You were telling me about something The REM sleep or lucid dreaming sleep communication. I got to figure out where I put it. I sent a DM to someone about that, I think. So I got to tell you, before we find that,

so Eddie Bravo called me the other day. And he goes, did Burke Kreischer lose everything? And then get it back? I go, what? And he goes, yeah, it was so confusing. He was on Shannon Sharp show, and Shannon says to Bert, what was it like? You lost everything.

And then you had to build it back. And he goes, it seemed like it wasn't true. I go, it's not true. And I go, did Burke go along with it? He goes, yeah. I go, what? And I couldn't wait to talk to you about it because I could totally picture someone saying to you some story that totally never happened and you not wanting to be confrontational. So you just go along with it?

Is that what happened? A hundred percent. A hundred percent. The fucking whole show. How did you not say that never happened? He just called me off guard. He caught you off guard. You have cards.

Did it at any point in time you say, I should probably say this never happened. No? I was like, he was like, you lost everything in my head. I was like, I did. He was like, but you made it all back and I go, I did. Where is this coming from? I have no idea. He said it.

And I just was like, uh-huh. Why did you say that never happened? I don't know. I didn't even know what I said after. He's like, how did you do it? And I just was like, I don't know. Shannon, I just focused and really started. Like, I have no fucking clue.

I should not be allowed to talk. on microphones. I literally was like, I don't know what I said even after it. To be honest with you, but I was like, I guess he has it in his notes. So I was like, yeah. So someone must have Googled did Burk Chrysha?

Probably some Reddit thread. Burk Kreischer lost everything. I guess. And like, you know, the stories about you online are more prevalent than the true ones. So you just go, I guess that's what he heard. And you just went with it? I don't know. That's so weird.

to do. I was, I was like, in my head, I was like, trying to think, maybe he was talking about, like, you know, I had development deals when I got into the business. Yeah, but you didn't lose them. They gave you money. No, no, no, no. Just never became a show. But then, no, but I'm saying, like, maybe I was, in my head, I was like, maybe he's thinking that, like, you know, I had a lot of development deals early, and then I didn't for a few years, and I worked the road, and maybe that's what he was saying, and then I made, I'm back. I don't know. I was like, But even when you worked the road, you worked the road, then you had the travel channel show. There There was no period where it made sense.

By the way, that is the least of my fish to fry on that fucking show. I got in so much trouble. That show, every clip you do goes viral. Every, I just am like, I was, when I got done that, I haven't felt this in a long time. I was like, I was like, wow. I think I'm going to get a lot of text when this airs. Well, it seems like he wants that, right? He's got a lot of people on the show that talk a lot of shit.

A lot of people, like Cat Williams famously. That episode was fucking amazing. We talked about that. He just went in on everybody, including me. That's why I got him on the podcast. He said, Joe Rogan want to have me on. Has the same funny thing, motherfuckers. Unfunny.

Yeah, same seven unfunny motherfuckers. I was like, dude, I love Kat Williams. What are you talking about? He's the best. I'm back, I never met him. Yeah. I had never met him before. It's like, it wasn't that I wouldn't have him on.

It's like, I didn't even know he wanted to come on. I would have had him on. That interview was with him was epic. Amazing. And accurate. The thing about his shit talk, he is it's not, he's not lying. No. No.

It's, you know, it's, when I got out, I was like, it's, I don't mean this with disrespect, but it's less Shannon, I think more as producers, because he's got cards. So I think the producers are like, what, what clip's going to pop? I think they go online. Right. They try to find controversial subjects. Like, he brought up, I told you, he brought up one. He's like, Bert, you think Kevin Hart's just lucky.

I was like, mother-suff. I was like, I said that fucking 12 years ago. And it was just, it was all it was. And I know I'm even, but it was, this is what it was, Joe. It's like at a time when we won't, none of us were making money, not you, but like, the younger companies were making money. And you're online and you watch Kevin, and you know, Kevin knows I love him, but Kevin's like, I'm the hardest working motherfucker.

I'm the hardest working. And in my head, I was like, we're all working hard. Like, but a lot of people, you know, were just, you know, waiting for a moment to get in front of people. And then I was like and then I had an agent Very casually like not mine but I did thing goes you know Kevin should mention how lucky he got I said what do you mean? I was like you know about fools gold right? I was like no

He's like well that's the beef between Kevin and cat His cat packed a gun in his luggage to go shoot fools gold and he got detained And they were in production and they're like we need we need someone small and black to fit these clothes We already got clothes for him yeah and he's like get Kevin Hart And that was the story I wanted Kevin to tell because that as a comic you can kind of put your head around that And by the way, I did not do a good job of explaining it on Shannon's show because it's like, you know, I'm a fucking talk out of my ass But like every comic has had these like moments that skyrocketed them, right? These moments that pop and I went through it.

And I think you'll understand it now. But for me, it was the machine story going viral. For Bill Burr, it's the Philly Ramp. With Bill, that Philly Rant just put him in the next level. Jim Jeffries, he gets punched in the head at the comedy seller or comedy store in London. His manager happens to be a guy that knows the internet, Brett Vincent, posted on MySpace, goes viral. Every comic that Pops always has that, Tom, as I was telling this to Tom, he goes, yeah, it was me Netflix. He was like, Tom got on Netflix.

I mean, I didn't even realize this. Tom said it to me. He got on Netflix when there were two comics on Netflix. Bill Burr and Tom Segura. Bill puts his special out there like, did you like Bill Burr? You might like Tom's Seguer. And Tom's like, if Comedy Central had bought my hour, I would have been fucked. But instead, I sold it to this small streamer, Netflix.

And the only other one they had was Bill Burr. And so as comics, I think sometimes, and you know how much I believe in luck, it's so, it's easier to hear about someone's luck where you go, oh, that is crazy, that happenstance. I mean, we've said it about you, and I know you could probably disagree maybe to a certain descent. But you're I thought I think the greatest thing that ever happened to you was that getting kicked out of the comedy store that That period of time where you had to reevaluate yourself and you created this what you have and you read I mean you would speak to it better than I could But I think as comics we look at you reinventing yourself and reimaging yourself and and making it your own fucking entity and creating this podcast which is changed all of our lives that moment and it must have been tough to lose your agent, get kicked out of the comedy store, and have to figure things out

that we all got, everyone got behind you. Everyone was like, that's my guy. I mean, I'm curious what your feelings about that are. Okay, if your New Year's resolution was, change everything and be a new person, good luck. So instead of pretending you're going to meal prep kale forever or do morning cold plunges, here's one actually realistic thing, AG1. AG1 is a daily health drink that supports your energy, gut health, immune health, and helps fill common nutrient gaps, just one scoop in cold water each morning, and you're off. It's got over 75 vitamins, minerals, probiotics, and whole food ingredients in there. So instead of guessing whether you need a probiotic or a prebiotic or sorting through 10 different bottles of pills and powders, you can just do one scoop

and get on with your day. It's great because it feels like the grown-up move, but for once it's actually really easy. It takes like 30 seconds and you'll notice the steadiness that sets you up for the day. Not wired, not crashing, just functional human being energy. I partnered with AG1 for years. And if you want to give it a try, head to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan. You'll get the welcome kit, a bottle of vitamin D3 plus K2 and AG1 travel packs for free with your first subscription. Just head to drinkag1.com slash Joe Rogan or visit the link in the description to get started. I mean, that certainly had an impact.

You know, it was also the Mencea video where people could clearly see that I was right. Yes. And then we were all a victim. Like, we were all hiding at the store. Like, when he would go on stage or he would be in the back of the room, if you were on stage, they would flash the light to let you know that he was in the room. You know how crazy that is that there's a guy around that steals so much that they have to flash a light whenever a comics on stage?

and then comics would just start doing crowdwork. Yeah, it was insane to me. It was crazy. So all the comics knew that what I was saying was the truth. And it was proved by like the consequences of someone who was already successful, right? So I was already on Fear Factor at the time. I was already a known person. And I lost my agent and I got kicked out of the store.

That video, that video was akin to the Philly rant. Jim Jeffries getting punt. Is that viral moment? for you, which... It was also how well Red Band put it together, too, because he's such a good editor. He's so brilliant. It was music. He went back in time. He, like, you know, like, he spent a lot of time working on that. It was a work of art. But it was, you know, it was the first time that someone was held accountable, because, you know, we don't have to name names, but we all know people who snuck through and still kind of have careers, although greatly diminished impact. Because, like,

when they go on stage now, people are excited to see them because they're famous and then that immediately goes away when you realize there's nothing there. They have no material because they have to write for themselves now. Yeah, you see a giant drop off. You see the early specials with like great jokes and really funny. And then you see like, what is this nonsense towards the end? It's just like weird fucking like nonsensical rants on things. It's bizarre to watch. But that's what happens when you get exposed and you have to do your own shit. And there's a few of those guys floating around out there. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's crazy because the one thing... You want a cigar? I can't smoke cigars. Really? What happened? Blood clot. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. The... I'm not supposed to smoke cigars. I mean, I could text my cardiologist and see what he says. I heard cigar's good for you. I heard they gave him to Teddy Roosevelt. Yeah. Look what happened to him.

You know, I can have one cigar. If you're going to smoke one in here, I mean, yeah. I'm saying, dog. Come on, son. Just do it like old school, Rogan, where I, anytime I smoked weed, you had to pull the camera away from me. Because you're the travel channel? Yeah, I mean, we all have a moment where things, but it's like an accumulation of those moments, right? It's like, you know what it is?

It's like you get that moment. Like, I'll use Burr as an example because, you know, only because I've talked to him about this specifically. but like he didn't love the Philly Ramp because right away everyone thought oh that's his thing we're gonna We're gonna heckle him and we'll he'll go lose his shit so he didn't love it But the thing is that that goes viral and then you Google that person you're like who is this And then you see a body of work that's undeniable and you're like oh Bill Burr's my guy You know for for for Shane I mean in my opinion It's it's that YouTube specially did and then you see Gillian Keeves you see all his

It was also him getting kicked off by ESL. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Him getting kick off of Estinel was huge. Yeah. It was the best thing that ever happened to him. If he was on SNL, he got buried on that show like a lot of people. But instead, he gets kicked off. A bunch of people are mad at him.

And then they're like, well, what did he actually say? And then people start looking into it. And they go, oh, he was just fucking around. He was pretending to be a racist guy in Chinatown. Yeah. That was the bit. Like, he was just, they were just talking shit on a podcast. And then he releases that special.

He goes, oh, he's actually a great comic. He's a dude, his special Olympics joke. He's got so many good jokes. His special Olympics jokes, we were in the bus one time. And my cousin, Andrew, goes, has anyone knows Shane Gillis? And I've known Shane for a while. I have hysterical emails that he sent me back when he was like, just like an open mic or whatever. Uh-huh.

Like going, like, hey, man, I feel like we connected. They're the greatest, Joe. If he knew that I was taught he'd be I should face him and go hey can I read your emails on on Joe He'd fucking lose the shit. They're so fucking hysterical Joe I'll send him to you and so I go yeah I love Shane I love Shane the day I met him he goes he's like yeah I'm supposed to go up my girlfriend right and I was like but uh it was like 10 in the morning we were drinking uh fireball and he was like uh 10 of the morning yeah we were doing a car you see calling sick to work shows where we go to the club at fireball at 10 a.m he's like that's what he said he's like that's what he said He said, I was supposed to go with my girlfriend.

I said, what's your girlfriend's name? And he goes, Big Tuna. And I went, Big Tuna. He goes, she's a big girl. And I was like, yeah, I figured for the name, Shane. And then I fucking, I've that, from that day on. But that special Olympic jokes, when he, we listen to it in the bus. He's like, what do you think?

Should we race them? I mean, it, we were crying, fucking laughing. That's like one of my favorite jokes. I fucking ever. He's got a lot of great bits. But that's especially they did at the Creek in the Cave. That was like, people got to see. They're like, oh, okay.

Well, this is what. he does. He touches on that third wire. Yeah. You know, the third rail, rather. And it's like, you know, it's funny. It's really funny. And they were trying to label him as this horrible racist that Saturday Night Live hired. But, you know, anything but from my opinion. But that happens, man. You're going to, you know, you're going to get attacked. There's always something. There's always something that a comic says where someone's going to get mad, especially in this day and age. People are just looking for things to get mad. mad. But almost always, it helps them. If they're a good comic, almost always. Like Tony

Hinchcliffe, it blew him up. Like almost always when something happens, you get attacked, people start looking at you go, actually, this guy's really funny. And then they become a fan. Yeah. Because you're just getting so many more eyeballs. The people that are looking to hate you, they're going to hate you no matter what. But there's going to be a bunch of people that are all like, well, what's going on? And then they look into it. I mean, that happened to me during COVID. I gained two million followers in like a month. Two million followers on Spotify in a month when they were trying to pull me off of Spotify. When all these music artists were calling me a vaccine denier and removing their podcast, removing their music.

Like when Neil Young and it was it, Joni Mitchell, they publicly removed their music from Spotify because of my podcast. Are they back? Yeah. I don't know if Johnny Mitchell is, but yeah, Neil Young is. I don't even think Neil Young actually owned his music, which was funny. I think it was just like a ploy. I mean, it's like I think he probably believed a lot of things he was saying. It was just misinformed.

He just didn't understand that I was actually talking to people that were legitimate scientists that turned out they were right now. Now we know. But back then it was like there was this hysteria about it. and a lot of people that were very skeptical, started tuning in. And then the whole fucking CNN thing when they turn me green,

like all that shit, it just, that helped. I don't know if I could have, like, I'm not good. People always go, you know, if they're talking about you, it's good. All press is good press. But anytime anything negative comes out about me,

it fucking devastates me. I don't, like, I could not have gone through what you went through. You just don't, I just don't read it. If you don't read it, you're fine. Like, how do you, because, like, you come up in my news feed all the time.

And like, and I'm such a fucking idiot that if I'm scrolling through Google News and I see my name, I go, oh, what's that? And then I'm like, God damn it. You can't do that. Last time I did this show, greatest experience, Greyhang, lucky streaming number one on Netflix. I'm so fucking happy.

I'm in my bed going, things are going, good for the big guy. Hit on Google News, and it's like, picture of me and you. I was like, Burr Christi of Joe Rogan. And they're like, Burr Christa Ruins the Joe Rogan podcast. I'm like, motherfucker. And it was an MMA fucking journalist. And I was like, wait, why? God damn it.

And I was like, oh. And then you see it and you're like, well, it can't be that bad. I'm going to read it. And they're like, oh my God. But then my daughter, Georgia, said something very profound to me. She was like, why would you allow that? And I'm sure that guy will write that same article after this episode. She goes, I'm sure he will.

I think the guy also has a fucking football feed. He said I ruined the, anytime I do something, there's someone that says, Burk Christ, it ruined it. And I'm the only one that reads it. And my daughter Georgia goes, literally look to me and goes, did you have fun with Joe? I went, yeah, I had a blast. I love being around Joe.

She was like, then fuck it. She goes, your experience is the one that matters the most. She goes, why would you allow someone to dictate your memory of an event? And I was like, who the fuck raised you? I was like, I don't know. Well, you were on the road. It's probably raised herself. That's why she's so wise.

She had to form her own opinions. She had to read books? Yeah. She had to actually form her own opinions and think about things rationally, having a father like you. You can't pay attention because the vast majority of people live miserable lives. That's the rose quote. Most men live lives of quiet desperation. There's a lot of people out there that are very, very sad, very unhappy, and looking to make something negative.

They're always looking to be a critic, which is fine. That's their prerogative. But it's not, you don't have to read it. Well, it's, I, I'm at the place now. Like, I took Google News. I took all Google and everything off my phone because the series premiered and I didn't want to get good or bad. I was like, good.

Because you can't quantify the good. Like, if you're going to, if you're going to listen to the good, you've got to listen to the bad. And I was like, well, I don't want to hear the bad. So I just want to hear the good. And then, and then we were, Jamie and I were talking about this outside. But like, you have a social media team who's posting like, like, like, you're, you're your claps, like they're posting like the nice articles.

And I'm like, don't even post that. Because like, I don't even like just stay out of it. Just let people like it. Let people have their own opinions. That's the best move. I don't have anybody that does that. I don't have anything. Do you post all your own stuff on Instagram?

Yeah. On Instagram, if I posted, it's from me. Really? Yeah, always. Yeah. And then there's the Joe Rogan Experience page that the staff does. But that is just a clip from the podcast. They take an interesting clip where someone says something.

It's put up with no contact. It just says, you know, episode, blah, blah, blah. That's it. I try to do it as like natural and neutral. You like it. If you don't like it, don't listen to the next one. It's okay. So wait, what is your, what is the impetus for you to post something?

Like, at what point do you decide to share your life? Well, I just feel like if there's something I think someone will think is interesting or something that I would like to see if someone puts it on their feed, I'll put it in there. Every now, but I don't post that much. You don't. Because I don't read that much. I stay off. I don't think it's good for you.

It's not only do I not think it's good for you. I think it's genuinely bad for you. And it gets in the way of all the other stuff that I like to do. You know, I'm busy, man. I'm busy. There's a lot of interesting shit to pay attention to in the world. I'm not one of those things. I don't like paying attention to me, you know, and reading me.

And I don't want to, like, go online and see too many car crashes and people getting shot and animal attacks. I guess Tommy and I have the worst fucking text message chain. Him and I all day, whenever he finds something like unbelievably horrific, some guy getting run over by a truck, he'll just send it to me. And then I'll send it to him. And we'll always try to one up each other. So when I find something absolutely horrible, someone says me something, absolutely horrible, I send to him. And then we just, that's like my main source of like trauma online is my Tom Sigora text message chain. But other than that, I pretty much stay off.

I don't think it's good for you. And I feel way better. I started doing it a few months ago. It's like a force of habit. Like I'm looking at it all the time. Let me just not look at it today. And then I did it another day. And in another day, I'm like, God, I feel better.

I feel better. Like, I genuinely feel better. It's like, I'm getting over a cold or something like that. And so I said, all right, well, obviously, like, engage you. Definitely don't read anything. Like, definitely don't, like, read when people say things about you. Definitely don't read when you, you, you, you, you, post something, read the comments, don't do any of that.

You know, people get wrapped up in it, and you realize, like, people are just trying to take you down. There's so, I mean, not all of them. A lot of people are supporting you. But it doesn't matter if there's, like, 10 people that love you and one person that hates you. You're going to think about that one person, you know, which is nuts, but it's just human nature. It's crazy how that algorithm works is that it's just like if there's someone in the front

row that's not laughing. Like last night, I had a, I don't know, it was the bottom of the barrel, and I don't know how rape came up. it always does and I was like well there's no phones in here let's go if I'm gonna go for it's in this room right and uh there was a woman that did not like it

and she was a little vocal in the crowd you know the bounce was like oh you know let him you know he was working this out or whatever and she's like I was told you shut up and then the rest of the night I'm watching her to the corner of my eye going god damn it and then I just dug holes and holes and then at one point

the whole audience is chanting rape and I'm like oh I'm like, guys, this is bad. But it's funny. And then also it's like, listen, say you're some fucking dude looking for a connection in life and you go to my page and you leave a hundred comments. And they're like, you're the best bird. I love you.

When you come to Cincinnati, I'm going to be here. Tampa, I'll be there, man. I'm going to drive. And then the one time he's like, you're a fucking bitch. And then I reply. He's like, oh, I guess that's how I get the cat to come outside, you know? So that's why I don't read any comments. Whitney was going into, you know, the Whitney thing about Mr.

Rachel. I don't know who Miss Rachel is. I found out who she is today. 1.8 billion views on how to say mom and dad. And I was like, it makes sense, man. Well, she's, she's an educator for neurodivergent kids. Is that what it is? Yeah, I watched a couple of videos. Pull up some videos and Miss Rachel. Because after people were draft, by the way, the worst fucking people were going after her. People that I know that are comedians that are just unbelievably shitty, dishonest, disingenuous human beings, bad faith communicators, people that just like completely distort anything about the person. Yeah. And it's just because she's successful. It's a giant part of it. And so they see her making some crack about Miss Rachel because she was watching it with her kid.

She didn't know what the fuck it is. So here's Miss Rachel. Let me hear what this sounds like. I don't hear it, Jamie. really special guess. No. No, not at all. Dinosaur eggs.

I don't hear anything in my own microphone. Can you help me count them? Do you hear it? Thank you. I don't hear you, bird. There we go, there we go. Two, three, four must be the number of the day. The dinosaur eggs are hatching.

Dinosaurs do we have? One, two, three, three, Okay, pause. Why would you go after this? Like, this is like a little kid show. Yeah, it's... She must have been bored. There's nothing different from this

and blues clues in my opinion. It's a show for little kids. Yeah. Like, I don't get it. I don't know, maybe she was just trying... She was bored. She was trying to write a joke and thought she'd get some traction, I guess.

Maybe she took two instead of one. And then she got a little extra energy. She took two. Instead of one? I don't know what she's doing. All of a sudden, she's like, fuck Miss Rachel. But then she started responding to people

Because she didn't understand what it was She said and then she took it down and apologized But you can't apologize to the mob They come for you They come for you and she learned And I texted her I said listen I love you to death You gotta stop going back and forth to these people

You can't do that It's not they don't this is not a genuine conversation They don't care if you're like If you were a person and you were someone's friend And you started shitting on Miss Rachel And someone said actually that's like for kids With Learning Disorders and you'd be like, oh, fuck, I didn't know.

And that would be the end of it. Yeah. And then we'd laugh. You know, but these people are not looking for a real conversation. They're just looking to destroy your life. And then so many people like, she lost her career. Careers over. Like, what, but you weren't going to see her anyway, you fucking cunt?

Like, what are you talking about? You weren't going to pay to see her anyway. Stop saying her career's over. It's not doing a damn thing to her career. You just want it to be over because you live a. miserable fucking life, which is why you're on Threads 12 hours a day. It's so funny you say that I just read something negative about Whitney on Threads today. I was like, what does he do?

Bro, Threads is the worst. And then I saw the Miss Rachel shit and I watched a video. I had two kids. I don't know. I look at that as I go, that's nice. If Threads is like for people who already been like humiliated on Twitter and they're trying to find a new crowd. Yeah.

It's very weird. Very, very, like so much negativity. Not that Twitter isn't. Like Twitter's super negative too. I haven't been on X. I try to look at the news only. I try to look at news and things that people are exposing that's in the news, which is very interesting. Speaking of which, what was that thing that you found?

So this is very strange. This is about people being able to communicate in lucid dreaming. True, I guess. We'll find out later. Scientists report first ever communication between two humans during sleep. Oh, I'd love this. Scientists say that science fiction may be coming closer to reality, according to reports. California startup claims it successfully enabled two-way communication between people while

they were lucid dreaming. Participants were asleep in separate locations while researchers monitored their sleep and transmitted a coded word designed to be perceived inside a dream without waking them. The system reportedly relied on sensors, wireless communication, and specialized software to detect dream states and relay the message. The company's founder says that what once sounded like science fiction could soon become a part of daily life. No independent scientific, but they're not saying what happened.

No independent scientific replication has confirmed the results yet. Still, the experiment builds on real research showing that interaction between lucid dreams is possible. Yeah, but what is the interaction? The coded word, I guess, was it. Did they relayed the coded word to each other? They both got the coded word? That's where I started getting into weird space that I found out. This was posted on Instagram like yesterday or something.

I googled it. Press release was from 2024. Breakthrough from REM space, first ever communication between people and dreams. So this is the article about it in business wire. Lucid dreams occur. Blasipa, bah, bah. Participants are sleeping in their homes. Brain waves and other polys somnographic data were tracked remotely,

specially designed, developed apparatus. When the server detected the first participant entered a lucid dream, it generated a, how do they detect that someone's in a lucid dream? Because a lucid dream is a dream where you're aware that you're dreaming. Yes. It generated a random REMO word and sent it to him via earbuds. Participant repeated the word in his dream with his response captured and stored on the server. What?

Eight minutes later, the next participant entered a lucid dream. She received the stored message from the first participant and confirmed it upon awakening. Huh. It sounds like they're saying it in the room and the person's grabbing it? No, it's sending it through earbuds. Yeah, they were both in their own houses, it said at the time. Yeah, so they receive it through earbuds. He says it in the dream, and then she receives it.

Huh. Huh. Well, you got to wonder what is happening in dreams. Dreams are very bizarre. Have you ever lucid dreamed? Yeah. Yeah, not six. I mean, I've done it a couple of times, but I haven't on purpose.

And I've always wondered why not? Like, why haven't I read books on lucid dreams? Why haven't I tried to do it? I think it's something that just happens. No, you could actually do it. You could, there's guys that practice lucid dreaming. I mean, I lose a dream pretty extensively. Yeah?

Like, ever since, I remember when you came out with Alphabrain, you're one of the first things you said it would help with lucid dreaming. Oh, if you take it before bed, it definitely helps with lucid dreaming. Yeah, and I remember saying I didn't know what lucid dreaming was at the time. and then I found out I was lucid dreaming. And I've lucid dreamed my whole life. But now that once I knew what it was, I could stay in a dream and decide. And I could go back into dreams.

I could restart a dream that I just had, go back to sleep and go, I'm going back in. Really? Yeah, yeah. It sounds crazy and I know it sounds like horseshit, but I never knew what it was. I never knew what it was until AlphaBrain. There's actual techniques that people practice.

And apparently they give classes and courses on how to do lucid's books written on it. because there's there's real techniques on how to lucid dream i just never i don't know why like i when i'm tired i just want to go to sleep i go hard all day yeah and when i crash i just crash i don't want to be fucking around experimenting while i'm sleeping i just want to go sleep but my lucid dreams primarily are either like i'm i realize i'm dreaming i go i'm asleep i'm dreaming this isn't real oh shit i'm in control and then and then a lot of times it has to do with fucking I'm like, oh, I don't have to put a condom on.

This is great. I came on to bang all these fucking chicks in this room. And then one time I had a lucid dream where I was like, I could, I knew I was dreaming. I was outside. I had to go up these steps into like an old cottage, like one of those old Hollywood cottages. And I was like, I got to have sex with anyone I want. And in my dream, I was like, oh, pick your wife. How cool is that?

And then I went to this cottage. I know, I fucked my wife. How cool is that? I know. I could have fucked her in real life. And then, but a lot of my dreams, back in the day when we first started lucid dreaming I would always decide to fly and I remember I remember I had one right after we the first time I ever tried alpha brain I had one and I and it was

I was doing a photo shoot on Melrose and I was like I don't want to be here and then I was like wait I'm dreaming this isn't real I was like I'm gonna fly home and so I just leapt up in the air started flying over Hollywood and then over the hills and then I was like wait I have no idea I have no frame of reference for where I am. I was like, it's getting dark, and I was like, where's the 101? And then in the dream, I just started, kept flying. And then I'll wake up shortly thereafter, but it's a lot of, like, a lot of sex and a lot of flying.

A lot of people breathe underwater in their dreams. Oh, never breathed underwater. Yeah, they breathe underwater in their dreams. They fly. Flying's, like, really common. I used to have, like, crazy fucking dreams. Like, wild... I sold a TV show to Comedy Central about my dreams.

Like I've had dreams where I wake up laughing I've had dreams where I wake up crying Like I've I have Such insane fucking dreams But and I No one ever wants to I know no one ever wants to hear you I would have dream joke dreams

Like real joke dreams Like I had a dream This is a real dream I had Where I was on stage And I was in a dance position like this And uh I know this sounds horrid shit It's a real dream

And uh and the curtain's drawn And I look around And I see I'm standing standing on stage with four or five dudes that are all in clan outfits. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I look down and I realized I'm in a clan outfit. And I'm like, motherfucker.

And I'm like, I get to get off stage and the curtains drawback. And I hear, and it's all black people. And I hear the voice of God go, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the click, clack clan. And we started tap dancing. And we were so good that the black people got to their feet and they started cheering and we're like, oh my God.

And so yeah. And that was a real dream. I woke up and I wrote it down. I used to write down all my dreams, voice text them. I used to voice text them all. I'd have dreams about you and Stanhope and Joey Diaz. Like it was like my whole world. I used to think to myself, like I'd dream about Shaq the other day.

I was like, I wonder if Shaq ever dreams about me. I bet he doesn't. I bet he doesn't. Who's someone you've had a dream about recently? I don't really have dreams too many dreams about people, not people that I know. What are your dreams about? My dreams are weird, man. Like, let's dig into this.

I had a dream that I came on the podcast I had to talk about because it was the absolute strangest, most realistic dream of my life. And it was a dream where I encountered these beings that were not human. And it was insanely realistic. They were very human-like. I think there was four of them. They were tall and thin, and they looked kind of, they didn't look human. Their heads were too big, their eyes are too big.

And I can't remember. I think they had teeth. I don't remember, but I remember they were joking with me. Like, they scared me, and they were like, ah, just fucking around. Like, trying to get me comfortable with who they are. And they were communicating with me somehow or another through thoughts. And I was really freaked out because they seemed very, very real. It didn't seem like any other dream that I had, so much so that I woke.

up at like 3.30 in the morning and I just lay in bed for an hour trying to go back to sleep and I couldn't go back to sleep. I was almost like I'm not sleep. I'm wide awake. Yeah. And so I went to the gym and I just worked out at four in the morning and it worked out for like two hours and after it was over I got in the sauna and did the whole thing and then I came to work. I was like I have to talk about this right away because it was so strange. It was one of the only dreams that I've ever had that did not feel at all like a dream. It felt like a dream. It felt like like I was encountering someone or something that was trying to get me comfortable with the idea of encountering them. It wasn't, it wasn't like a dream. It was, I was in the corridor of something that seemed, uh, like it was, it was not like it was from here. It was like from somewhere else, but it was almost like it was very oddly lit. Like the walls were lit in a very strange.

way, but it was almost like it was this corridor, but it had a feeling almost like it was organic, like it was alive, like it was a living thing. It was very fucking strange. What if, what if that was, but what if that is something that you did in fact, experience that was taken out of your memory and then it's stuck in your memory and you're dreaming about it? I don't know. I mean, you could maybe all day long, right? And so my feeling was that I had, and this is, again, It clearly was I was dreaming, right? So it clearly could have been just a dream. But what it felt like was that it was an actual encounter with intelligence that wasn't human.

That's what it felt like. And it felt like these things were not, they were not us. And maybe they were what a human will be someday because they were human like, but they were very slender. They were very thin. and they were wearing these suits that were like almost like rash guards like what surfers wear but but but but a strange fabric like it looked weird and it was the color of their skin but it was clear that they were wearing something it didn't appear that they had any genitals they had no muscle tone at all they were just thin and they were communicating with me and looking at me and they

were they were close like where you are right now and I think like I said I think it was at least three of them I think there was four of them but I'm I remember there was one that was going like, like, like, joke, and then like, ah, joking around with me, like, trying to scare me. Yeah. And then, like, and it felt to me after they did it, like, relax. Like, this is okay. Like, don't be freaked out. Whatever this is, don't be freaked out.

And then I woke up. And when I woke. And then there was also this weird reptilian element of it. There was like a barrier. They had a barrier and they were feeding, like, with, they were, like, pouring food to these things that almost like it was. letting me know the protection between you and this horrific danger that's out there in the world, in the universe, in life is very thin. It's very thin protection. There's not much protection. It was just like a barrier, like a simple barrier, like a, you know, like a fucking blockade they put

to keep a crowd from passing through an area to let you know you're not supposed to go here. It's crazy how it's crazy how much you've seen. How long ago did you have this dream? A few months ago. But isn't it so wild that something that didn't happen? Yeah. Can be locked in your memory and then you just, you're like, God, it affects you almost like it did. Well, now it's like a memory of my recollection of the memory, which is odd, which is memories in general,

which is why people distort memories and change them and make, you know, make the past something that's not really, you know, you've talked to people that, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we all do it. I do it on podcast. Yeah. Everybody does it. But this was different. Whatever this dream was, I mean, look, there's a lot of confusion about what happens during sleep. You know, we don't exactly know why you have dreams and what it's all, what's the function of it, what's the purpose of it. But this one was different. It was much more realistic than any dream I had ever experienced before. Like the interaction between me and these, these, these, creatures, these beings, was very different than anything I'd ever experienced in a dream.

To the point like, I felt it physically. And I woke, I can sleep on a bag of rocks. I can just go to sleep, dude. Really? It drives my wife crazy because she struggles to sleep. And if we got on a plane, I just, I just cock out. Because I'm always going. So, like, when it's time, when it's downtime, I don't have a problem sleeping, dog.

I can go to sleep. I'll sleep on a roof. I can sleep. I couldn't go back to sleep, which is really weird for me. I mean, I was wide awake at 4 in the morning, you know? And I'm like, okay, I'm going to the gym. Because I laid in bed for a whole hour trying to go back to sleep. And it's just a dream.

Just go to sleep. I'm like, dude, just get up. You're not going to sleep. And I'm like, all right, well, I'm up. I'll just go work out. Like, maybe that'll help me go to sleep. Nope. I was wide awake, wide awake.

I wasn't even, most of the time when I'm working out, I'm either watching music. or watching fights on TV. I didn't even do that. I was just by myself in silence trying to make sense of it. Just doing chin-ups and dips and trying to make sense

of whatever the fuck that was. Because it just didn't seem like a dream. It felt so real. It felt so real. And when I've talked to, like, my UFO friends, like Jesse Michaels, he's like really into UFOs. He's like, I think you had a real encounter.

I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what it was. But it certainly felt like a real encounter. Whatever it was. Do you listen to anything while you sleep or you sleep in the silence? Oh, I listen to a podcast. So I'll have dreams.

While you're sleeping? Always. That's so ridiculous. I listen to... It's so unhealthy. I listen to a podcast about Rasputin last night. You ever see his dick? They have his dick pickled in a jar.

Are you serious? Yeah. You know, he was just fingering chicks. Are you sure? I don't know. I think he was fucking. It's not in the... A giant hog like that?

I think he's putting it to use. Find Rasputin's hog. But he was, that's what he did. I would love to see his dick. You'll see it. That's his dick. Look the size of that hog. By the way, that's limp and dead.

Imagine what that thing looked like when it was hard. Look at that guy's face. Look at the size of this cook. Look at this cook. Big old fucking pickled. That's a big dick. I mean, like, again, this is like a dead man's dick. So there's no blood in it at all.

Imagine what that thing was like hard? Big old Russian dick. Big old axe handle. I think God that wasn't my. dream. So he was, you know, he was like, what does it say? Resputeans alleged genitals were sold in 2000 for $8,000 still surrounded by mystery with some experts believing it might actually belong to a bull. Shut up. They had a hard time killing him. Yeah, they'd try to poison him, right? And they'd shoot them at the end and then throw them in the fucking river. Well, Russians are different

white people. Ah, that's the joke I missed last night. What? In the bottom of the barrel, they were like Trump versus Putin. And I was like, and I was thinking about Rusputin, but I was thinking, but I was like, Russians are hard to kill. And then I just went on to, fucking talk about it. What was this thing? He was like a spiritual advisor. Joe, that's a great topic. I'll tell you everything you know. Yeah, it was a self-described holy man. He was from 1869 to 1966. He was from Siberia. So he gained significant influence with Tsar Nicholas II after 1905, rapidly earning the trust of both Nicholas himself and his wife, Alexander. He became a healer, in quotes, for their hemophiliac son, Alexi.

What was happening was, Alexi was getting given aspirin by the doctors. And Rasputin came in and was like, yo, get the doctors away from him. And he was a hemophiliac, he had internal bleeding. And when they removed the aspirin, which is a blood thinner, the kid started to heal. And so the Zarina said, he's magic. Even like at one point, the kid was going to die and he wrote a letter. And he said, leave tell the your kid's gonna be fine I had a dream about it but get the doctors out of there and the doctors were always giving him aspirin and that was what was injuring the kid they're all all the royalty at that time were hemophiliacs what yeah because of the inbreeding that's why they didn't have chins they had long noses and they were all hemophiliacs oh god and so uh but what's crazy is

the russian so she loved russian and would write letters to rossputin that kind of sound a little sketchy, but then all of Russia started thinking, this healer has an end to the czar and the Zarina. So all of a sudden, this healer is running the country. What they didn't know, they couldn't tell anyone, no, our kid's a fucking hemophiliac. They couldn't tell anyone that because then they looked weak. Oh. And so in a weird way, Rasputin got kind of thrown to the wolves because they couldn't tell

him why they needed him. That she wasn't fucking him, that their marriage was intact. How do you know she wasn't fucking him with that big old giant? dick they probably that guy was laying pipe he might have been he probably she wrote a letter says like kiss your like she wrote a letter and translation was like kiss your cheek gently oh yeah some shit yeah he fucked her there was it was katherine the great that fucked a horse i heard about that yeah didn't she die fucking a horse i think so i went to that barn when i was in russia we went to that barn if you you imbred you know multiple generations

in a row and then give them ultimate power they're gonna start fucking horses i mean what What kind of life is that? What kind of weird world is that? You're born royal? It's insane. You know what I'm watching again? What? Game of Thrones.

Started it all from the beginning. Are you serious? Fucking amazing. We're on season two now. You wait, your family? Yeah. Me and my wife. It's so good, dude.

We did it with the girls on vacation. Bro, whoever that dude is that played Joffrey, that guy should get all the awards. Yeah. He's so good. His transition from being like a shitty kid to an evil king, is fucking amazing. It's a, the way he plays

Joffrey is fucking incredible. Yeah. I forgot how good that show is. It's one of the greatest shows of all time. But you'll never, so good. You'll never see him

as anything other than Joffrey. It's a problem. Yeah, that's a problem for a lot of people that have like significant, like Kramer, like, you know, like... Two things.

A couple things. This is the other thing. Do you know he wrote a book and didn't mention that in the book? Really? Yeah. That's interesting. Yeah, somebody read the book.

One of the comics read the book. He's like, I'm waiting for that to come up because he never fucking brings it up. What's the, what's the title? A tell-all book, except for one thing. Except for the fucking biggest thing that's ever happened. The biggest thing that ever happened in my life. Not only that, it was the first cancellation, the first public cancellation. Was that really the first cancellation?

Oh, yeah, through viral video. The first public cancellation through viral video. Because I remember that night because I think I was at the improv and then I came over to the Oh, I do remember that night. And Brent Ernst was at the store. He had just come over from the laugh factory. He goes, bro. He goes, I was just a laugh factory.

He goes, Kramer was off the rails. He goes, he went nuts. He got heckled. He started yelling the N-word at these fucking people in the audience. I go, no. He goes, dude, it was fucking crazy. He goes, he was bombing and they were heckling him. And then he starts dropping N-bombs.

I'm like, no way. He goes, yeah, I don't know what the fuck he was on. But he did a set at the store. He seemed a little. little speedy, a little, you know, a little elevated, and then left the store, bombed to the store, and went over to the Laugh Factory, and that was that night. He did, he was at the improv the weekend before,

and I was there, and he was doing stand-up, but he was doing a version of Kramer, a version of, like, crazy, and he fell on a glass, and broke the glass and cut himself. But everyone laughed, and I think everyone was like, I think he's bleeding, but it was, like, really off. Well, he was doing really off stuff from the jump. Like, he came to the store. I think he just decided to start doing stand-up

because Seinfeld had been canceled for a long time. I want to start doing something again. And he started doing stand-up, but he didn't have any material. He would just kind of fall down. It was weird. He would, like, pretend that something went wrong and, like, try to do the mic stand and slip and fall. It was very odd.

Which is also my theory that I've been telling everybody about Chevy Chase. Ooh, I'd love to hear this. So everybody is talking about what a terrible person Chevy Chase is. And, you know, there's all these videos that come out of him screaming at people and being mean. I saw one with Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield and him. Where it's like right when they're promoting Caddyshack. Yeah, he yells at some other guy, right? Some other guy that's on the set?

And this is my take on it. I want you to pull up the, like a compilation of Chevy Chase's Pratt Falls. Okay. Chevy Chase has to be in constant pain. Has to be. He has to be in constant pain and almost 100% has CTE. Chevy Chase used to throw himself down flights of stairs. He used to throw himself off the stage into chairs and tables.

He used to like slip, go flying through the air, land on his head. The most ridiculous pratfalls, the most. the most aggressive, violent pratfalls you've ever seen. And he did this for years. Yeah. For years. Like he was in a car crash multiple times a week for years. Wow.

Yeah. I mean, maybe he had a shitty personality already. Well, I think he was also that first generation of what fame is. Like, he was the most famous person to ever come off SNL ever. Like, his walking off S&L was like, get ready for a movie star. And I don't think we'll ever, I won't ever understand. the level of fame he had. At the time.

Like his fame was like, and this is also, I mean, like, look, I love Bert Reynolds. But Steve Martin was super famous too, and he's not a cunt. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't think that's it. I want you to see these videos. I don't know why I can't find a compilation. I can find a bunch of videos of it. I know there's a compilation because I've seen it.

I just typed it in, and the video that pops up only has, it's a four-minute video of him on Johnny Carson. No, no. I know. telling you other guys. There's a bunch. There's a bunch. Gerald Ford. That was Gerald Ford fell, right?

So he would, yeah, because Gerald Ford was kind of like Biden. He would fall a time. So here it is, dude, look at that. You know how hard he falls there? Go back and watch that again. Watch how hard he falls when he does this. This is him doing this Christmas. Whatever.

The Christmas thing that you just showed. I'm telling you, I just accidentally disappeared. Hmm. You could find it. Okay, watch this. Watch this. Watch them fall. Boom.

Head first. With the tree, falls down, barely stops his fall. Chevy Chase's worst wrestling moments from Saturday Life. Like, this is just, this is him just stumbling around. This is nothing. But there's videos of him. Okay, obviously that chair is going to break. No, this is not what I'm looking for.

See if you could find it. Find it and get back to us. But I know there's videos of him like literally like flying off stage, landing on his back, slipping legs up in the air, landing on his head. Yeah. I had to fall off a ladder for a TV show one time. They're like, we need you to fall on. And they had a crash pad.

You get four steps up a ladder. You're high as fuck. Well, even if you have a crash pad, your head is wobbling around, right? So your brain is sloshing. around from the impact. This is one of the things that people don't realize. Football players get brain damage

from getting hit in the chest. So CTE, you can get from riding a jet ski, from bouncing on the waves. It's your brain walking, fucking bouncing around off the walls of your skull. From roller coasters.

You can get it from everything. You can get it from a lot of things. Repeated subconcussive trauma. But he fell and landed on his fucking head. Yeah. And if you find the video, that's a compilation. There's a compilation that people like the worst falls of Chevy Chase. And it's

crazy. Really? And he did this for years. That was his thing. Slip and fall. Slip and fall. Slip and fall. Slip and fall. All those things. So slip and fall, allegedly, tons of coke. Allegedly. I mean, I don't know. I mean... I read some books. Yeah, but the book on... Do you know what happened when Bill Murray was here when he was talking? Bired? Are you talking about Bill? I love that book. So when he read Wired, he... He read, so the guy who wrote Wired was Bob Woodward.

Bob Woodward was the guy that was involved in Watergate. He was the Naval Intelligence Officer who became a journalist. And his first ever assignment was to take down the president, which is very suspicious. Like Tucker Carlson told me the whole story behind it. I was like, what? The people that broke in were all FBI. The whole thing was a setup. It was to set Nixon up.

And they had already gotten rid of Spiro Agnew, who was his VP. They got him on, I think, corruption charges. I forget what it was. Didn't Kennedy put the bug system in there? It was the president before that put the wire the wiring inside the room, right? What room? In Watergate. Didn't, didn't?

No. No, no, no, no. Listen, it was a setup. Nixon was not involved in the setup, but they told him about what happened, and then he was involved in the cover-up. That's how they got him. That's how they got him, and that's how he got removed from office. The recordings were from his office, right? The recordings were from the Democratic Party.

So he was recording the Democratic Party. He was recording, he was secretly recording the opposition party, but he didn't do it. So the FBI did it. And then they brought it to him knowing that he would cover it up. And that's where he committed the crime. Like instead of coming out and saying, hey, some people have recorded these people. And even if he did that, they would have said he was involved. But the whole thing was to get him out of office.

The reason why they wanted to get him out of office was because he was publicly and privately stating, at least amongst other people that were in the White House and that he knew who killed JFK and he was going to get to the bottom of it. Because look, JFK had just been killed. He ran against JFK in 1960, in 1960 or 62? 62? What year was it? Either way, I think it was 60. He ran against JFK. And then JFK gets assassinated. And now he's the president. And when he's the president, he was publicly stating or privately stating to different people.

Like, he was going to get to the bottom of it and he knew who killed JFK. He was like investigating it. He was interested in it, obviously, because he was worried they were going to kill him. And so then they set him up and they removed him from office. And they put Gerald Ford in as his VP. Gerald Ford was also on the Warren Commission. Like the whole thing was a giant setup to get rid of the most popular president in the history of the country. You know, and everybody's like, oh, Nixon's a crook.

Nixon's a crook. That was all like his gigantic propaganda PR campaign to remove Nixon from office. It was all a deep state operation. Wow. Nixon won the presidency of like the widest margin of anybody in history. He was the most popular president in history. And in today's days, we think of Nixon as being a crook and a scumbag. But he didn't even do it.

He was just involved in the cover up when they brought it to him. Was like, what is he going to do? He's running for president again to re-election. and they're saying, you know, hey, these guys, they busted these guys recording things. Cover it up, cover it up, cover it up. And so that's how they got them. And what was his post-presidency like?

So what do you mean? Let me finish. Oh, sorry. So before I go any further. So Bill Murray is here, and he said he read the first couple pages of Wired. And he goes, he put it down. He goes, oh, my God, they framed Nixon. That was the first thing that he said.

He said, because the version that Bob Woodrow. were told of John Belushi, his very good friend, was so wildly off. He goes, that time where John did that speedball and died was probably the only time wherever he did that. He goes, he was a total lightweight. He would have a couple of drinks and he'd be drunk. He wasn't a guy who did drugs all the time. He goes, it was all bullshit.

Are you serious? Yes. Yes. Do you realize, like, guys like Chris Farley literally idolized John Belushi because of books like Wired? Exactly. Exactly. And, well, the difference is. Chris Farley really was doing drugs.

Myself, I idolized John Belushi. Right. I read Wired when I was in college and was like, dude, this is, I mean, there's so many aspects of my personality that I draw from a book like that of like the way he was comfortable in an agent's office and P-12 shots I get because of John Belushi. Well, I'm sure he did all those things. And I'm sure he partied. But like the version, this exaggerated version of just being completely out of control on

drugs was fake. And this is according to Bill Murray, who was best friends with him. He's like, it's not true. It's like if somebody tried to write something about you, and I read it, and I was like, this is not bird at all. So his initial thought was, oh, my God, they framed Nixon. Jesus Christ. And they did. They did frame Nixon.

See if you could find the video of Tucker Carlson explaining to me how they frame Nixon. I have a copy of Wired in my tour bus. Yeah, don't read it. I'm going to get rid of it. Bob Woodward was an intelligence agent. 100%. He was naval intelligence. And then he left from that, which he never really leave.

And then he became a reporter for the Washington Post. And his first job was Watergate. Which is nonsense. It's a fucking insane. There's no way. A senior reporter would be covering the most important story. You wouldn't give it to a rookie whose first assignment. What about Bernstein?

What about him? I don't know. Because didn't they'd write it together? Yeah, they did. And they had deep throat. there. Did we ever find out who deep throw was? Yeah. Listen to this, though. This is seven minutes long.

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I mean, I used to write for the New York Times as a freelancer. I mean, I've been around the New York Times a lot. And there are a lot of really smart people there. But for sure, even now, I would have less so now. But there's still, I think, smart people there. There are. I know some. And they know.

But they think that that, you know, it's worth it because they're, bringing information or I don't know what they think actually. But no, they're tools of power. And that's like the one thing that you're not allowed to be. Even if you think the power is good, like maybe they all support the agenda of the U.S. government, destabilizing the world and impoverishing their own population. Maybe they're on board with that. Even if they are, they shouldn't do it because the job of the media, the press, is to keep power in check. You are kind of like the seat belt, right? You know, you make sure that things don't go too far.

So, and they're not doing that. They're acting as a willing handmaiden. When do you think that switched? Well, I think it's been the case for a long time. I mean, if you look at what happened in Richard Nixon, which I, of course, did not understand at all. Richard Nixon was taken out by the FBI and CIA. And with the help of Bob Woodward, who was a Washington Post reporter, who had been a naval intelligence officer working in the White House, working in the Nixon White House.

And then he shows up like a year later, and he's this brand new reporter. He'd never been a journalist at all. He's a naval intel officer, the famous Bob Woodward, we all revere, and he's at the Washington Post. And somehow he gets the biggest story in the history of the Washington Post. He's the lead guy in that story. Well, I worked at a newspaper. I've been in the news business my whole life. That is. is not how it works. You don't take a kid like his first day from a totally unrelated business and put him on the biggest story. But he was. He was that guy. And who is his main source for Watergate? Oh, the number two guy at the FBI. Oh, so you have the naval intelligence officer working with the

FBI official to destroy the president. Okay, so that's a deep state coup. What else, how would you describe that? If that happened in Guatemala, what would you say? And yet the way it was framed, in the way that I accepted for decades was, oh, this intrepid reporter fought power. No, no, no. This intrepid reporter, Bob Woodward, was a tool of power, secret power, which is the most threatening kind, to bounce the single most popular president in American history, Richard Nixon from office before the end of his term and replace him with who? Oh, Gerald Ford, who sat on the Warren Commission.

Now, how did Gerald Ford get to be Richard Nixon's vice president? well because Carl Albert, the Democrat Speaker of the House, told him you must choose him. We will only confirm him when they sent the actual elected vice president away for tax evasion, Spiro Agnew, of Maryland. So you have a complete setup, like an absolute. Gerald Ford, the only unelected president of American history actually sat on the Warren Commission. Something else that I accepted at face value until I looked at it and I was like, that's completely insane. You didn't want to interview Jack Ruby in your investigation. the assassination?

Okay, you're fake. Yeah, he was on the Warren Commission. And so, sorry for the long story, but the point is, like, that happened in front of all of us, but the way it was framed cloaked the obvious reality of it, the people who broke into the Watergate office building from which the name has taken, Watergate, I think it was six of them or seven of them, all but one was a CIA employee. That's real. It's like, look it up on Google.

So the whole thing, Richard Nixon was elected by more votes than any president in American history in the 1972 election. He was the most popular by votes, which is the only way we can really measure popularity, the most popular president in his reelection campaign. And two years later, he's gone. Undone by a naval intel officer, the number two guy at the FBI and a bunch of CIA employees. You tell me what that is. Those are the facts. Those are not disputed facts. That's not crackpot shit.

That's just look it up. So why did they want to get rid of Nixon? You know, there are a lot of theories on that. I mean, we don't, first of all, we don't need to know motive to know what happened. They, meaning unelected federal employees, got rid of Richard Nixon, which is the most anti-democratic way to make a leadership change that there is. Okay. I should just say that I actually kind of believe in democracy. Obviously, it's not working well.

Obviously, it's ending globally. There will never be another liberal democracy, unfortunately. But I'm attached to it because I was born here. I really believe in it. And it's better than in the other system. So that's why I'm pissed. What was their motive? There are a lot of theories on this.

There's an amazing conversation. It's on tape between Richard Nixon, when he was still president. I think it was in 1973. And I think it was Richard Helms, the head of the CIA, though I may have fucked that up. But it was the head of the CIA. I think it was Helms. And Nixon says, I know why they killed Jack Kennedy. So Nixon was a student of history, obviously a flawed and complicated person, but a very, very smart person.

And he was really interested in why this guy who'd been president, just one president before him, was murdered. And he didn't think it was a lone gunman who was mysteriously assassinated two days later by another lone gunman. Like, it's so obviously bullshit. And he knew that. And he said to say a director who and you can listen to the tape, it's on the internet, is totally silent on this question. So I think there was the impression, I don't think I know, that Nixon understood that the bureaucracy was really in control of the country. It wasn't elected officials. And that's a massive threat because it's true.

That's good. Dude. Yeah. That's all media. Yeah. All media takes their slant and their angle and decides they're going to do. dictated their way as opposed to, I don't even know, I don't even know of a journalist that, I mean, no one, there's no one that sits objectively and watches anything anymore.

No, not in mainstream media. No, absolutely not. You saw what they did with the photo of that kid who got shot, that pretty guy who got shot in Minneapolis. MSNBC doctored his photo and made him better looking, fixed his teeth, squared his jaw, gave him a tan. You know what I'm saying? No. Please pull that up.

We showed it yesterday, but we'll show it again today, the before and after. It's in the text that I said, yeah. It's fucking crazy. Look at the difference. What? Yeah. It's him on the left. He looks like Ari's brother.

On the right, he looks like some fucking handsome crossfitter. Look at the difference. Look at the teeth. Look at the nose. They shrunk his nose. They widen his jaw. They shrunk his chin. That's crazy.

They decided he was too high. ugly to be sympathetic towards. So then, so then, man, this kind of bums me out. That you, I mean, I always kind of had hopes up that if I turned on, if I turned on the news, I'd hear some objective rant or some objectiveness of anything, but there's none. Yeah, you got to go independent. You got to go to Glenn Greenwald and Michael Schellenberger and people like that, Matt Taibi. You got to go to independent journalists.

There's the only ones that are going to give you the real deal. People that are connected to giant corporations, their jobs to distribute the news, they're not going to give you. They're going to give you a narrative that's approved. Who was Deep Throat? Because Deep Throat was exposed. They did eventually expose Deep Throat, and it's even more shocking when you find out who Deep Throat was. I saw a movie. That's a different movie.

That's about sucking cock. That was a good one. Well, the name Deep Throat was because in nod to the movie. Oh, for real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the movie came out first. Deep Throat was W. Mark felt the number two official at the FBI during Watergate, who secretly provided key information to Washington Post reporter Bob Woodbert.

So the FBI was involved in the break-in. The number two official at the FBI was the guy who was providing information under the name Deep Throat. So the FBI did it. They did the whole thing. Is that your phone? Yeah, I'm an old man, Joe. An old man. It's the FBI.

He said FBI too many. Who's calling you when it's on Do Not Disturb? It might be the FBI. Spam risk. Should I answer? No. Why is it? I don't understand.

You put it on Do Not Disturb? I have no idea, Joe. I'm old. They're hacking it. I'm fucking. I got to, I need, they probably do. That's a weird ring, though. It's an old man, right?

Because my wife doesn't answer a fucking phone, so I turned her ring to that, so she changed my ring to that. We're two old fucking people. So then what's the fix? How do I trust anyone? You have to trust independent news. Independent media that's not connected to any. corporation because as soon as you're connected to a corporation you're connected to advertisers

as soon as you connected to advertisers the a giant percentage of advertisers on television is pharmaceutical drug companies major corporations so you have things that you're not allowed to touch that's why you never hear anything in all the news about vaccine injuries you never never hear about all these people that are having strokes all these people that the rise in heart attacks the rise in myocarditis particularly amongst young people blood clots that's what we're we're not that's what we're We were talking about, I got vaxed like four times. Like boosters from W. Johnson, Johnson, Johnson. And that's the first thing they say when they start looking at blood cuts.

They're like, do you get vaccinated? And I was like, yeah, four times. Even doctors are like, five, you didn't need to do it four times. Yeah, well, I don't know why you did that. Because you had to get into a goddamn concert. You had to show fucking. Yeah, but you didn't have to have four of them to get in a concert. The first one was real early.

Like I got it when you were gotten canceled for getting it. They're like just, just Mexican people. And I just went in with a mask on. I'm like, hola. You got a fucking shot in East L.A. I had to go shoot a movie. Oh, wow. They're like, do not show your fucking face.

And I was like, I won't, I won't. Why not show your face? Because it was like, it was back when it was like, it was just, what was it? Not needy workers. What is it called? Remember the first round of, support workers? It was like people you need in the country, you know. Right.

Essential workers. Yeah. And then I was shooting a movie so they got me a pass to get a. Oh, so you got it when you weren't supposed to get it. Well, yeah, way early. Way early. Oh, interesting. And then I got it, I got it, I got it, I had to get it again in Serbia.

For a movie? And yeah, and that's when. They made you get it again? Again. Yeah. And then I got it when I came home and then I got it one more time. Mo Amor told me how to do it, he had to get boosted before they let him do his Netflix series. Yeah, that makes sense.

Like, why? Meanwhile, he'd had COVID, he'd recovered. He had COVID when we were all doing those concerts when me and Chappelle and him and a bunch of other guys were, We're doing those pandemic concerts. He got COVID. So there was no reason for him to get boosted. I got boosted four times. I got COVID 11 times.

God. I mean, it's like fucking. So crazy. It's crazy. I had COVID when I was shooting free bird. I gave it to a bunch of people. They were like, you got a cough. And I was like, ah, it's fine.

Do you want to get tested? I was like, no, I'm not getting tested. It's like my wife has to me wearing a condom. I was like, we're good, guys. And then I gave it to one of the. dudes I think and the dude was wearing a mask he was the only one that got it shout out to my buddy well he probably had gotten boosted a bunch times I should tell everyone to watch Freebird on Netflix I that's I should say that but keep going can I

tell you something I'm obsessed with I've been dying to talk to you about so like I watched the I've been watching I've been watching a lot of UFC lately and and and I want your perspective because I'm thinking of this globally like Jordan they compare Jordan and LeBron James, right? Right. And they compare Tom Brady to Joe Montana. And the big argument they always say is, well, you know, Tom Brady couldn't play in the league Joe Montana played in because the rules were different.

They got fucked up left and right, right? And like they were concussions and there was no roughing the passer. You could hit the quarterback late, all that shit. Right. Well, what about UFC? Because, like, how would say, and I don't mean slanderous, I just curious. Okay. Someone like Tank Abbott or Dan Severnson or Hoyce Gracie, how would they fare against, say, the fighters that are fighting today?

Well, it really all depends on whether or not they're – I think Tank Abbott would do really well. I think Tank Abbott would do really well because the heavyweight division is the most shallow division. Like, would he do really well against the guys like Cyril Gahn or Tom Aspinall? Probably not. But he didn't do really well against guys like Maurice. You know, the real elite strikers of the day. But Tank Abbott was a fucking huge man. I mean, he was an enormous, powerful guy who had ridiculous knockout power, and he would brawl.

And anybody who braw – like, look at Derek Lewis. Derek Lewis has the most knockouts in the history of the UFC. And he's not, like, the most highly skilled guy in the sport. He's just a really big, powerful guy who has unbelievable knockout power. And he's still relatively successful, even. Even today, he has the most knockouts in the history of the heavyweight division. But Tank Abbott would still fuck a lot of people up in the lower ranks of the heavyweight division. Dan Severin would still take a lot of people down and beat their asses because he was an elite wrestler.

Like those kind of skills, Mark Coleman would take a lot of people down and beat their asses. Those skills that they have, like the elite wrestlers and the really powerful punchers, they would always do well. Hoy's Gracie, first of all, if he was fighting in the UFC, he would be fighting without a ghee. So that would be different, right? So he relied on the ghee a lot because he would get a hold of guys and they would grab the ghee like instinctively. And he'd be like, great. Like that's what he wanted.

And then once it went to the ground, I mean, it was like a man and a child. Like his jiu-jitsu was so good. And for the time, no one even knew jiu-jitsu. So he was a black belt against white belts and he was just tapping out everybody. Nobody had a chance. In this day and age, that's just not the case. anymore. Hoist Gracie still, if he was alive today, or not he's alive today, of course he's

alive today, if he was competing today. If he was a young man competing today, he would still give hell to a lot of people in an appropriate weight class if it went to the ground because his jiu-jitsu is so good. His striking was always a means to an end. His striking, he would go at a distance, he would kick at your legs, but his whole thing was about closing the distance, getting you to the ground, strangling you, getting on you an arm bar, tapping you. out a triangle jujitsu. So he was a pure jujitsu fighter. And if it went to the ground today,

he would still give real problems to a lot of fighters because he was that good. He was that good on the ground. And today, with the difference in training partners, he'd be even better. Yeah. I'm reading this book by Wright Thompson.

You know that dude? He wrote Papi Land. No. But he's talking about Jordan in this book and how at 50, Jordan had a hard time like going to the next phase of his life. He still was like, what if I put him on?

What if I put, I want to go, you know? Of course. He's a champion. It happens with fighters, too. Oh, yeah. I mean, you go back to Shannon Sharp, and he's doing better now financially than he ever did, but I bet he'd trade it all.

Yeah, it's the glory of sport. It's like there's nothing else like those highs. Yeah. Those high, especially for a fighter. When you're like Justin Gachie this weekend, who beat Patty Pimbled. Crazy fight. That guy, when it was over,

the happiness that he had, the smile on his face. He was just in a high, like nothing else in life. It's hard for those guys to put that away. It's hard for those guys to let that go. And their identity is completely wrapped around the fact that they're an elite fighter. How did you not have your identity about your career? Because I know you pretty well. And you never really, like it's tough to disconnect your identity to your career or your dreams or your hopes.

which I think fighters, it's easy to understand. Athletes, it's easy to understand. But I think it happens with comedians and actors and even podcasters to say. How did you not do that? Well, I don't know. I recognize the pitfalls in it. But I also recognize that at the end of the day, you're just a human being. And I think, man, I've said this a million times and I'm sorry I have to repeat it,

but I think brutal workouts are what center me. It's the one thing that centers me more than anything in life. because I do to myself, I humble myself all the time. Like, I break myself. I break myself down all the time. So that, like, when life comes or, like, all that other stuff seems like something I do. It's fun. It's great.

But I'm just me. I'm just a human being. I'm me in the 10th round when I want to quit. And the bell goes off and I know I have to hit the bag for three more minutes. You know, like, I know who I am. Like, I don't need my career to tell me who I am. And I have enough fuck you money that I could just sail off into the sunset.

Bye-bye. Do you think you will? No. No. No. Why, I like this. Yeah. It's fun.

I thought about it. I've thought about a bunch of things doing different things. If I had multiple lives, I would live a bunch of different lives. Oh, tell me about one. I'd be a professional pool player. That's what I would like to do. Yeah. I'd like to go on a tour, play professional pool.

If I just had like a year to really practice, I think I could do it. It's just, there's no way. There's no money. There's no time. There's no, so I just have to, like, keep that one in my head as a hobby and make sure I don't get too addicted to it, you know? My problem is I get addicted to things, and then I just, like, obsess on them. And then the weird part of my brain that focuses obsessively on things, it would just overcome all the rest of my life. And it would just be this one thing that I think of.

I allow that in bursts. Like, I allow that, like, when I was getting ready for my comedy special, my live special, that was my whole life. I didn't think about anything else other than doing that set. Like when I go hunting, I don't think about anything else other than getting in shape, shooting perfect arrows, getting ready to hunt. I allow myself these brief moments of obsession. But I have to be careful.

I have to be careful with my brain. Your brain's fascinating. I wish I listened to you more. Like when we were younger, you said stuff that I just was like, that's not right. Like what? It might not be right for you. No, no, no.

I wish I had. I remember one time you're like, you're working too hard. Your focus should be less famous. And I was like, what are you talking about? And now I'm there. I'm like, oh, I know exactly what you're talking about. That's why I took the Spotify deal. I was hoping I would be like 10% less famous.

That was my idea. I was like, good. Less people watch Spotify. Less people listen. How many people are going to go over there? Like, Jamie kind of freaked out at the beginning because we lost half of our audience, like right away. He's like, we lost half the crowd. Like, so what?

Who cares? Good. I'll be less famous. I wanted to be famous so bad. Well, it's because you weren't. Right? And so I already was. So I kind of had a perspective. Like this isn't what everybody thinks it is. It's just weird. You know, like the glory of it. It's all fake. Like the people that love you, they don't even know you. Like it's kind of crazy. Like the people that love you should be the people that know you. That's a good thing. If the people that know you hate you but the rest of the world loves you, then you're in an Ellen position, right? you're in this weird position where you're a fake person. Yeah.

Where everybody thinks you're one thing, but you're actually another thing. So the people around you don't like you. And then when the water breaks and everybody starts talking, all the staff start talking shit about you and you realize like, oh, she was a monster. You know, so I think I had the benefit of having some fame to realize like, oh, this is not. Also, I think about things a lot. I don't just accept things for what they are. Something's happening. I'm like, okay.

But what is this really? Yeah. What is this really? You did listen a little because I remember the one time I called you when you were on a motorcycle in Vietnam. And I was like, bro, you got to quit that job. And you're like, what? And I was like, you got to hear a funny comic, man. You're a funny dude.

You're great on podcast. You don't need to do this. Like, the world's changed. This is holding you back. Thank God. Thank God. You know, it's like I always say, like, thank God I had the right people in my life at the right times. Because there's so much about, like, like, I'll tell you, like, you know, with the blood clot thing, they said, you know,

I never every time I got sober was always to like just prove I could get sober for a month you know right and just be like I'll take a break get healthy get good blood work I'm back at it this is the first time I've ever looked at it like I never looked at how often I was disrespectful

to my health like how often I was like getting the airport and be like drinking at 6 in the morning like fuck it you know and then I go and now that I'm flying I'm forced to fly sober I get in the airport and I go I'll have egg whites Egg whites, you need the yolk. No, it can't have too much iron when you're on blood thinners.

This whole fucking thing's a nightmare. But they said it's over for six months. And then I had a really interesting conversation with my trainer and with Leanne over this conversation. They were like, you know what's so funny is they don't see my lifestyle's party in and everything is disrespectful to my health

because I work out, because I get blood work, because I'm sober for everyone on. They were saying it's disrespectful to people that just say, online and scroll and don't live their life. That's what disrespectful. How so? Like if you're just like, you come home and you lock into video games and you don't go out

and you don't really connect with people and then you wake up and you scroll for three hours and then you light a cigarette and you go to work and you come home and you play video games, you're not living your life. And they're like, Leanne was saying the other day she was like, you know, don't like get excited to start drinking again, but make sure that that you can measure that, you know? Get excited to start drinking again as a wild thing to say. Oh, I mean, I'm looking forward. But how is it disrespectful to people that are watching you?

No, no, no, no. I meant, you know, people that aren't living. Like, people that are leaving comments and like shitting on girls, skateboarding going, you should wear a bra whore. Like, guys that aren't living their life and not spending their time out with family and living their life. So what's disrespectful to them? I'm lost. You said it's disrespectful to them?

No, no, they're disrespecting their own life by not living. Okay. By not getting in the gym, not going out, not going and having dinner with your wife. So how is your life, you disrespecting your health, doing anything to them? No, no. I think I was just two parallels. Like I was looking at health, thinking in hindsight, like how many times I just, you know, burn the candle at both ends. Didn't think, like how fragile life actually is.

Oh, yeah. Well, you're very durable, unfortunately. At Dejardin Insurance, we know that when you own a cleaning company, Things need to be tidy and organized at every step. That's why our agents go the extra mile to understand your business and provide tailored solutions for all its unique needs. You put your heart into your company, so we put our heart into making sure it's protected.

Get insurance that's really big on care. Find an agent today at dejjardin.com slash business coverage. That's part of the problem, is you were able to do that and show no bad health markers. Like you were drinking all the time. You got your blood work done, your liver's fine. You're like, look at this, that's great. Like, I remember you were super nervous, like, when you first started getting blood work,

but then you're like, it turns out it's fine. Yeah. Yeah, you have great genetics, you know? But you think, I think now I go, man, I'm like, my grandfather died at 53. And I'm 53. And then you start seeing people die, and you're like, shit, man. Yeah. Like, this blood cluck scared the fuck out of me because people die from this.

They die from it. It's not, it's no joke. And then you're like, well, Fuck, that was just me flying. Did they make you do a D-Dimer test? No, I don't know what that is. So a D-Dimer test is when they test your body for clots, for microclots. So apparently a lot of people that got a ton of boosters, they have microclots.

And this is one of the things, there was a Canadian doctor that was one of the first guys to get canceled for saying that the vaccine was causing clots. Because he was one of the first guys that was doing a D-Dimer test on all of his patients. And he found out that this vaccine. patients, the vast majority of them, were having these microclots all throughout their system. And it was being caused, in his opinion, by the vaccine. And boy, eventually his business wound up getting burned to the ground. He lost his medical license. He lost his practice.

It was a crazy story. And he was right. He was right. And now it's pretty mainstream, like that discussion of it. And, you know, even doctors who used to prescribe boosters don't prescribe them anymore, which is kind of crazy. Oh, yeah. At what point in time, like the people that are that used to say, you need to get your booster. Well, how come you're not getting boosters anymore?

COVID's still around. Those people aren't getting boosters. No one's getting boosters anymore. None of those people are. Are they saying that we have a higher antibody rate now? Like, why is COVID not as dangerous today as it was then? Well, the thing that happens with viruses is they become less potent. but more transmissible.

And becoming more transmissible allows the virus to spread and being less potent means it doesn't kill the host. So it's actually better for the virus to be more transmissible but less potent. And that generally happens in time when people develop antibodies and people develop, you know, like a resistance to it. So what happens is the virus just becomes easier to transmit but less potent. Wow. Yeah.

That's why the variance over time got less and less. Like the Delta variant was actually pretty strong, but after that they started dropping off. And then Omnacron was pretty nothing. And then they stopped naming them because it really wasn't just a couple variants. There's hundreds of them. They don't even know how many. And a lot of it is because they vaccinated during a pandemic. And one of the things that virologists throughout history were always saying is you never vaccinate during a pandemic.

Because when you vaccinate during a pandemic, you actually encourage variants. because the vaccine realizes, especially when you have a leaky vaccine like COVID. So what a leaky vaccine is a vaccine that doesn't stop transmission and doesn't stop infection. What it does is it gives you some protection through antibodies. But that allows you to get the cold. And then the cold realizes, oh, this guy's got these antibodies. We'll just work around that. And then people who had antibodies to the original wild virus, once they got vaccinated,

this variant would see that they wouldn't see, but it would have a different pathway. Because their original immunity was to the wild virus. The original antibodies were to the first virus that doesn't even exist anymore. So your body didn't recognize these new variants so people get COVID even more easily. I know I butcher that of your virologist. But there's a guy named Gert van der Leyen. Bosch. And he is a vaccine specialist. He's a virologist. And one of his, he specializes in vaccines. And he was one of the early people saying, this is madness. This goes against conventional thinking.

You do not vaccinate during a pandemic. Jesus. I tell you what, I've had COVID a bunch. Nothing was like the swine flu. Yeah, you told me that. Remember in 2009, right? You got it bad. I had it. I thought I was going to die. I mean, I've never been that sick. my life, shallow breathing. I mean, it was, and I had to fly to Mexico because I was doing a gig. And I was like, I got on the plane. I was drank on planes, had two drinks. And I was like, I was like, I'm at death's door.

And I fucking, to this day, I've never been that sick in my life. And I don't know how it didn't kill me. You never drink when you're sick. Oh, no shit. It is the worst. It's so bad for your immune system to drink when you're sick. Because you just give your immune system this new thing to fight while it's already involved. in a fight.

I got on the plane with Leanne. We were flying to Mexico and I was like, I'm not that bad. I remember being cold. I remember it hit me like a ton of bricks that night. I was like, I'm getting fucking sick immediately. Like it was like, bam. Back then you weren't even taking vitamins.

No, I wasn't doing anything. Yeah, that's the problem. And this is the other thing that the big problem that I had during the COVID thing. It's like I knew people were getting over COVID. It wasn't killing everybody. And they were making it out like everybody was going to get it, was going to die. everybody unvaccinated was going to die. But I knew people that got it and weren't the healthiest people and they were fine.

So I'm like, well, what the hell's going on? Like, what is it? And how come nobody's talking about vitamins? Nobody's talking about the impact that vitamins have on your immune system, which is well documented. And then if you brought it up, you're a conspiracy theorist. You're a crazy person. But everyone listened. Because you brought up, I'll never forget the day you brought up vitamin D.

Yeah. And I went to Rite Aid that day to get vitamin D. And it was gone. I mean, the fuck, it was like it had been looted. There was no vitamin D3 to be found. And it was like, I think it was like D3 or something. D3 and K2. And they were gone.

With magnesium is the move, D3, K2 and magnesium altogether. Do you know it's so funny, I have rosacea on my cheeks. I guess you got it. You get it when you're older sometimes. And the cure is ivermectin. That's hilarious. They were like, you should get on ibermectin. And I was like, I said, you mean horse tranquilizer?

Horse paste. Horse paste. Yeah. Horse dewormer. Yeah. Like, what CNN called it. But it's so great, it was the first thing. They're like, have you ever heard of Ivermectin?

And I was like, I'm friends with Joe Rogan. Are you kidding me? Don't put me on CNN. They'll make me purple. Yeah. Well, the crazy thing about that CNN thing is I mentioned a bunch of other things that I took. All of them were very effective. It wasn't one thing that I mentioned.

I mentioned IV vitamins. I mean, and I took IV, N-A-D, IV vitamins. and then the big one was monoclonal antibodies. And monoclonal antibodies, they made it really hard for people to get after that because people were just saying, oh, I just need to get monoclonal antibodies and I'm better. Bro, I shipped monoclonal. We were using a telemedicine nurse. And there was a part of a nationwide service that you could send people a nurse

and they would go deliver monoclonal antibodies and IV vitamins. And the monoclon, the ivy vitamins thing, it always existed. But the monoclon antibodies, they added to it once COVID came. And I can't tell you how many people that I sent nurses to, people that I didn't even know, people that were friends of friends, my mom's friend. And I would say, give me the address, tell me who they are, and I'll send it to them. And I paid for all of it. And I did it to like at least 100 people. No bullshit.

Really? At least 100 people. Yeah. Actors who were like super liberal. I didn't out any of them. They would send me a DM. Hey man, I got COVID. What should I do?

And I said, where are you? Tell me where you live. I'm going to have someone sent to you. And I just send someone to them. And then they'd come back and thank me. Very few of them ever thanked me publicly. But a lot of them got the service. And a lot of people that weren't famous people, just like my friend's mom or my mom or my

uncle or my cousin, someone got COVID. They're doing really bad. I'm like, tell me where they are. And I did it. I'm not lying. I did it to like 100 people. I spent a lot of money doing it. How much would something like that cost?

Thousands of dollars. For real? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I did it for people I didn't know. I did it for people I had never met. I did it for people that were famous that I never met.

I just said it was easier to me for just to send them to them. Leanne was the first person to get COVID in our house. And I had a joke. I used to have a joke about it. She had COVID and she gave me a hand job and I didn't get it. I was like, that's how intimate our hand jobs are. That's hilarious. And she got it.

And I remember doing, I remember I called you when you were like, get her the NAD, you gave me the whole fucking list. And we got it. She got over it right away. We ended up right away. And we're like, cool, we can go skiing. No, no, no, no.

And then we all got it. You're not ready yet. You can't think you're done. She goes, I remember we were at the, George gave it to me. And I remember we were sitting at the dinner table that night at our ski place. And she was like, started crying.

I go, baby, don't cry. It's fine. Listen, it's totally fine. She was like, you're high risk. You got to think of it as like it's over. The bad part's over. But now your body's in recovery. So you can't go skiing or do anything crazy.

I went skiing the first day with COVID thinking, you know, it's just me. The mountain was empty. I was like, it's just me. I don't really have it. I'm fine. I tested negative. I remember I tested negative. I was like, I'm just hung over from last night.

And when I got down, I tested again. And I tested positive. And I already had my tour bus come and grab Georgia and Leanne and drive them back to L.A. So it's me and Ila. And Ila was like... I only got it because I stayed up late one night drinking and playing pool to like 5 o'clock in the morning with my friend John Schoeman. I remember you telling me that. You're like, it's more...

You said you were more run down. That's why you got it. I was exhausted because my friend John, John Schoeman, shout to John. He makes pool cues, like awesome pool cues. And he lives in Florida. And I, you know, talk to them back and forth online, but I never hung out with him. and then I made an appointment to meet him in a pool hall, and we met at this pool hall,

and we played pool until like 5 o'clock at the morning, laughing, having a good time. And then I got back to the hotel. I was like really tired. I was like, boy, I fucked up. I went so hard. Like, we were out, and I had a bunch of margaritas, and it was late, you know, it was late at night.

And then in the morning, I just felt like shit. I took a hot bath. I felt like shit. I had a gig that night. I did a gig that night. I did an arena with Tony Hinchcliff and Larbites. We did an arena in Florida And then I flew back home

And on the way home I was cold I was like God, why am I so cold? Is this airplane cold? And then when I got home I told my wife I'm like, I'm not feeling good I go I might have COVID Maybe you should sleep in another room Because she had gotten COVID and gotten over it

Which by the way, when she had it I fucked her I didn't even think about it I was like I'm trying to get it I never got it My whole family got it But like I'm always been the one who's like Always cold plunging Always sauna always vitamins

Always working out She works out too, but it's like she got it, you know, and my kids got it. And I was home. I hugged them like, Daddy, you're going to get it. I'm like, I'm getting shit. I never got it. I had two days when I worked out where I didn't feel that good. So when I worked out, I just took it light.

I just went through the routine like nice and easy, not pushing myself. And then the next day, still don't feel that good. Nice and easy. And then the third day, I'm like, I feel pretty fucking good. And I went pretty hard and I'm like, feel great. And it was done. I never got COVID. And then that one time I got it.

And then I didn't get it that bad. The one day I felt like shit. I got all the meds. And then a couple days later, I made that video. And I put that video up. But that was honest. I was like, I got COVID. I got all this medicine.

I feel better now. They didn't like the idea that this healthy person was saying you could get over this. And also a healthy person that's in their 50s was saying, you can get over this and you don't need this radical experimental medicine. that they're trying to push on people. And so that's just another example of the mainstream media that's not there for the news. Because if they really were there to inform people, they would say, well, what did he do? What's different about him? Because they're fucking compromised.

They're all compromised by the people that pay their advertising budget. The amount of money that pharmaceutical drug companies spend on mainstream media is fucking preposterous. And they don't do it because they're trying to convince people to sell drugs. They do it specifically because they don't want those media organizations to criticize any vaccines or any pharmaceutical drugs. You never hear them talking about. There's no mainstream big media stories about side effects of some sort of new medication. And if there is, it's because that company is probably about to go under and a new company is asking them to talk about it.

It makes me, I mean, I've always said, and people think I'm a fucking idiot, but I don't trust sleep apnea machines. Well, sleep apnea machines work. I know, but I think they overdiagnose. sleep apnea machines because there's a kickback. There's got to be a kickback. Well, there probably is. There's a, you know, look, sleep apnea is a real thing and it's really fucking dangerous. But is it, is it as, I mean,

people die. Everyone's got it. Well, not everyone has it. A lot of people snore, but there's ways around. There's mouthpieces you can use that keep your tongue from closing your windpipe. You know, what I do? I put a mouthpiece in, and then I use mouth tape. I've been using mouth tape. You know, like, you know, or a hostage tape? Yeah. I use that stuff. I put it

over my mouth, and I sleep, and I breathe. through my nose. And I feel so much better when I wake up. I mean significantly better with less sleep. Like if I have five hours sleep with hostage shape, I feel better than if I have eight hour sleep without it. Really? A hundred percent. You feel different. I don't know why. I'm sure, okay, let's find out. What is the science behind breathing through your nose while you sleep? Why is it better? Like what is the science behind it? I don't know what the science is, but I know that a bunch of health experts, they're recommended it to me.

I was like, tape my mouth shut. That sounds so stupid. I did it. And then the first night I did it, I woke up and I'm like, whoa, I feel great. Like, I feel significantly better. And now I do it every night.

So I put a mouthpiece in and then I put the hostage tape over my mouth. So the mouthpiece just holds your tongue in place? Exactly, because I have a big tongue. I have a big tongue and I have a big neck. The problem is when you have big neck muscles, like football players, There's a lot of them, most of them have sleep apnea.

Because all those muscles that constrict the walls of your throat. So, like, there's all this tissue that didn't exist before. And then you have this fat tongue. So I can't sleep on my back. If I sleep on my back is like, that's me. Yeah. Okay. Breathing through the nose during sleep offers key health advantages over mouth breathing.

It filters and conditions air for better lung efficiency and promotes deeper rest. Nasal passages filter dust, allergens, and pollutants while, warming and humidifying air, protecting the airwaves from irritation. This reduces dryness in the mouth and throat common with mouth breathing. I got that. I wake up. My mouth so dry. My tongue's like a finger. Reduce snoring and sleep apnea risk. Nose breathing keeps the tongue positioned correctly against the palate and jaw forward, maintaining an open airway that minimized snoring and sleep apnea episodes. Mouth breathing allows the tongue to fall back, obstructing airflow,

which definitely happens to me. Improved oxygenogenogen. Jesus. Oxygenation and relaxation. It boost nitric oxide production for better oxygen uptake and blood flow, supporting deeper sleep cycles and parasympathetic nervous system activation for relaxation. This leads to fewer awakenings and higher sleep quality. Look, for me, I know for a fact. It helps for a fact.

For my personal feeling when I wake up in the morning and I tape my mouth shut, I feel way better. Really? Yeah, like way better. I snore like crazy, but I don't notice it. The only problem is you have a beard. So the tape will slip off with a beard. Maybe I'll just get denture cream and put it on my lips. Do you ever do that?

We used to do that people when they were sleeping. Squeeze your lips together? How do you open them then? Oh, you can't. When people would pass out an opportunity house, we put denture cream on their lips. Oh, boy. And then they wake up like, it's fucking terrifying. Terrible.

That's terrible. Don't do that. I'm still kind of stuck. I'm still stuck on this concept that. With corporate money, we lose not as much freedom of speech or freedom of opinion. Well, you lose objective reality from people that are supposed to be giving you information, right? So they're not giving you reality. What they're giving you is a filtered narrative that has been promoted by major corporations that have a vested interest in profiting off of this narrative being pushed forward.

Like, if you don't get the vaccine, you're going to die, right? Yeah. That was a big one. And that was why they attacked me. Why they attacked me is because, like, I showed that there's something different. Like, oh, look at this healthy guy who's in his 50s. It's really obsessed with health, works out every day. And look how quick he got over COVID.

This isn't this thing that we're pretending it is. We're pretending it's a plague. It's not. It's like a bad flu. And again, for me, it was like, and look, I've done this for, like I said, I did it for a lot of people. But just IV vitamins. I've sent people to people. I did it for Bill Burr.

Bill Burr was here, and he was sick, and he was coughing. And this is like long after the pandemic. It's like 20, 24. And he was doing a show, and I came to visit him. He's like, I can't get over this cold. I go, listen to me. I go, I'm going to give you this number. I'm going to give you these people.

You're going to get a hold of them and schedule an IV megadose vitamin trip. You want high doses of vitamin B. You want high doses of D. You want high doses of C and zinc. You want all those things together, and I guarantee you you're going to be fine. So he was sick for weeks. He couldn't get over this fucking cough. He calls me like a day later.

He goes, dude, I can't fucking believe how good I feel. He goes, Dr. Joe Rogan, I'm calling you every time I have a problem with this again. And look, I did the same thing for Dana White. When Dana White had COVID, he threw some eucalyptus on the rocks in his sauna and he couldn't smell it. And he goes, oh, my God, I got COVID. He goes, the first thing I did is called Joe Rogan. He called me up, and I said, I'll set you up. We're going to get your monoclonal antibodies.

get you this, we're going to get you that, boom, one day later he's better. That's the reality. It's like your body needs tools to let your immune system function at its optimum. And one of the best tools is nutrients. Vitamin D is amazing for your immune system. And it's not just a vitamin, it's a hormone. And it's a hormone that we don't get because we're not in the sun enough. That's the best way to get vitamin D is sunlight. The second best way is supplementation. And it's really easy. He just takes vitamin D supplements. I take it with K2, which makes it absorb better.

And I take it also, again, with magnesium. And do that. And I also took zinc with, what is this called? It's an ionophore. Corsetin. So I take zinc with corsetin, AIDS in the zinc absorption in your body. I take all these different things.

But I also am like, I'm on the ball. I know what I'm doing. But they didn't say that. They said he's taking horse dewormer because they were trying to shame me. And they were trying to make it look like I was a fool. And they were trying to turn all these people that were terrified about dying from this plague against me. Is that what's happening? I mean, I'm a little obsessed lately, you know, at like the money behind podcasting and podcasting kind of changing.

You know, like podcasting has gotten a little more corporate where I feel. I don't know if you see it. In what way? Well, it's like, I mean, I looked at the Golden Globes and who was nominated, and those were all, I mean, I think they're all, you know, corporate podcast. Yeah, let me help with that. So here's the thing. A lot of people say, why wasn't Joe Rogan nominated for the Golden Globes? And like, why did it?

You know, Amy Poehler went, I didn't submit. So they asked me to submit to be nominated for the Golden Globes. And you had to pay $500. And the $500 is like for paperwork or whatever. but I said, no. I don't care. I already won. Like, you can't tell me I didn't win.

I've been number one for six years in a row. All of a sudden, you're going to have a contest in front of all these people wearing tuxedos, and you're going to say, now I'm not number one. Like, fuck off. You can't. Like, I don't care that I'm number one, but I am, in fact, number one. So if all of a sudden you have a contest to decide who's really number one amongst us, like that's amongst you.

You're allowed to have your opinion. You like Amy Poewer better than me. That's great. Oh, that's so. Fucking funny, Joe. Do you know how many people have been, like, ride or die for you? Like, the fact that Joe Rogan didn't win. The fact that, and I've heard that so much, it's so funny you just didn't submit.

Yeah, they asked me to. Yeah, I was like one of like six candidates. They took the top people. They basically just took the top people to charts, but which, you know, it's fine. First of all, Amy Puller's podcast is pretty good. I haven't seen it. It's pretty good. I'm sure it's good at one.

I'm sure someone must love it. If it sucked, they would give it to someone else, right? Dax is really good. Like, there's some great podcasts out there. I don't know who was even nominated. I don't even know who was in. I just know that Amy Poehler won and a lot of people are upset. She said a podcast for six months and she won.

Great. You gave it to a famous person, which, you know, in that world, that's what they do. They give it to a person that, like, is going to, look, you give it to Amy Poehler amongst their circles. It's not going to have any criticism. Look, there's a lot of really good fucking podcast. There's some great ones. I don't know. if amongst her group, if I listened to all of them,

I would decide that hers is number one. But I just know that I didn't submit. I don't want to be a part of that. I don't care. You're just a group of people that just decide all the sudden that you're going to give an award out. You got a, you get a trophy? Fuck off.

Dude. This, okay. So when we did the show and everyone's like, are you looking for a season two? And obviously that would be great. But you know what I said to Leanne, the day after it came out? I said, I think I already won.

I think I got everything I wanted. I did something I'm proud of and people responding to it. People like, the texts I get are people that will never promote it on their social media. Ron White loves it. When Ron came in last night and the first thing he said to me was,

I watched your show. I watched every fucking episode. Yeah, he binged it. He binged it with his girlfriend. I was like, Joe, you know how I feel about Ron. I'll get emotional. He's like my guy. And Ron's not a bullshit artist.

He's not. If Ron loved it, he loved it. and he came in and he was ranting and raving about it. That's all you need. Just do your best. All these awards and all this shit, awards for art are crazy. It's insane because it's not,

it shouldn't be a competition. Well, it's also so subjective. There is music that, like, my daughter loves. It is her favorite music. But she's a 15-year-old girl. I can't say it sucks because it doesn't suck. It's just not for me. Yeah.

You know what I mean? It's like, that's why awards are, for art are crazy. Like, this is the best. Like, to who? To a group of fucking people that we deem the gatekeepers of all that's appropriate? So when did you come? Because, you know, I'm always fascinated by you.

Did you care about ratings when you were on news radio? Oh, no. Well, the news radio thing was hilarious. Because that's one that I can say, for people that haven't watched it, I would say, binge that show. It was such an amazing piece of art, we would say. But always, and respectfully, always in the losing category. Like never, always.

Always. Always in the losing category. My friend Lou, he was one of the writers on news radio, and he would show up for the table read with a t-shirt that had the number of our rating on it. And one day he showed up and the number was 88. And I was like, 88? He's like, I'm like, fuck. I was like, God, because we got moved nine times over the course of five years. Like I remember like one of the things that just like social media poisons people back then it was variety and the Hollywood reporter

So all of the cast would be sitting around reading variety about how good sex in the city was doing and the single guy And because they would they would sandwich them in between friends and Seinfeld and you know Paul Sims the producer of news radio would call it a shit sandwich Because you'd have these two really good shows in between these shows that were not that good they would call it Caroline in the shitty and everybody was upset and so they would read these things in variety they'd look at the ratings and they'd get all upset

and start getting pissed off and that show sucks why is that show doing so well why aren't we on Thursday night and I remember saying last time I checked I'm on TV I go do you know we're on a TV show do you know a few people get to be on a sitcom

I go yeah we're not number one well good then no one knows who we are and we get to be on TV and we get to have fun and some people enjoy it. We're making so much money. Like, how can you be upset? We could not be on TV. Like, yeah, we're not number one.

Yeah, we have a really good show that's not being recognized. It eventually was recognized when it went to syndication. So news radio really only got popular in syndication. Oh, when it was on A&E, buddy, I don't think I've ever enjoyed a TV show. Out of every TV show I've ever watched, and I was late to friends. Look, it was no Game of Thrones, or even Queen of Dragons. whatever the fuck, the other one, House of Dragons. Yeah.

That's a pretty good show, too. But when I discovered news radio, I was like, you guys had every character. Like, it was not just one character. It was five different. Are we back? Yeah. We're back. We've been having this problem where we crash, like, a couple hours into a podcast.

But it was such, it was five personalities, six personalities all working in, in, in, Union different at different speeds. It was such a fucking great show. Paul Sims came from the Larry Sanders show. So he was really good, you know, and it was just a brilliant guy. And the writers were amazing and the cast was amazing. But it was the perfect scenario. So we went through it without everyone getting famous.

We put together a great show, and then we fucking sailed off into the sunset. It was perfect for me because I never wanted to do it again once it was over. For real? Yeah. I didn't. I mean, I took a few development deals afterwards just because I wanted the money. And I thought maybe I'll make my own show and it'll be good. But working with these writers and like some of these, some of these writing teams was really

interesting. Writing teams are generally one brilliant guy and then the other guy who writes things down. And then they both get deals. And then I you would wind up with the guy who wrote things down. So I got one of these writers who was a writing team on Seinfeld and the team broke up and then I got this guy and he wrote this fucking script that was so bad. It was so bad. I couldn't I couldn't believe how bad it was. I was like, and then they were trying to pretend they're excited about it. I go, did you read it? This is fucking terrible because the problem was I had come from news radio, which was a really good show.

And most of these shows are terrible. And most of the guys that I knew that were doing terrible sitcoms were living in hell. Because they were doing these like corny ass-sit, and all they wanted to do is like, figure out a way to make themselves feel better. So they spend money or they party. And that's what they were doing. They were all just partying and spending money and not enjoying their work. Their work was terrible. It was hell.

So I kind of realized early on that this trap of, like, chasing the number one ratings and all that shit, it was just stupid. It was just nonsense. And then, you know, Fear Factor was number one for a while, I think, I think it was. It was hugely popular, whatever it was. And that was weird, too. It was like, well, that's also strange. That was a game changer. That was a game changer.

And everybody, it was just like this thing that was everywhere. It was very strange. This is how you can tell how big a show is. if I'm wrong. I can remember what night it aired on Monday nights? Fear Factor? Was it Monday nights? I don't remember. I think it was Monday. I don't remember. I remember the Fresh Prince of Baylorer

was Monday nights. I remember Seinfeld was Thursdays. Right? Yeah. That's the thing about TV now, which is so bizarre, is like, when I pitch this show, have you seen Slow Horses? Yes, I love it. So when I went to Netflix?

They were like, we want to do a show with you. I was like, great. And they're like, what's the show? I said, it's my family. It's I'm Bert Kreischer, Georgia and Ila, Leanne. I'm a comedian. I'm me. Everything's the same.

Nothing changes. I don't have a job. I'm this guy. And they're like, okay. I go, but it's, uh, meet slow horses. And they're like, what the fuck you're talking about? I said, all I can tell you is I don't want to do episodic. I want slow horses.

I said, when I watch slow horses. And this is why Ron's compliment was so kind. Because I created the show so that, Jared and Andy I should explain slow horses so horses is Gary Oldman it is a spy thriller they're a group of of like low-grade spies that all kind of got put into an office off to the side and but they don't realize how important their office still is they're still very ingrained in all the shit that the big office is doing but they're the B team and so the big office is constantly fucking with the little office so how is your show

like slow horses the day I watched slow horse I'd watch the week before I went in for this meeting and I watched the first episode of Slow Horses. And at the very end of that first episode, I hit pause. I looked at Leanne. I said, we're watching every fucking episode until it's over.

Right now, we're not moving. We're going to watch all of them. And I did that with that and Black Doves. And I said to Netflix, I said, I want to make this where that first episode is not episodic. The Chrysers get a horse. The Chrysler's got a dog.

It all goes together. I go the first episode at that last line I say. The very last line of that first episode, I want you to look at the person you're with and go, I'm watching all fucking six. And so it's an arc. It's a six-story arc. It's basically a two-hour-and-30-minute movie

that you can stop at any point. And the compliment I've been getting as the one Ron gave me is like, I binged it. I watched all of it. That's great. That's a smart move for a comedy to do it like that. Like, it's one big story. And that last, that last...

Black Dubs is great, too. Black Dubs? Great. A show. Black Dubs. When we did the premiere in L.A., Netflix came up to me, and shout out to Netflix.

and they were like, you know, when you pitched this, we had no idea what you were fucking selling us. Like when you said black doves and slow horses, like those are your comps. And then they were like, we watched that first episode and they're like, you fucking did it. Like you made a show where at that very end of that first episode at that moment

and the very beginning of the second episode, I have a joke about you. But I thought I'd throw one in. You gave me a little love in your special. I gave you a little love back. And so at the very end of that first episode, I wanted it so that you go, oh, this guy's fucked, I got to see how he gets out of this.

And that's the compliment I've been getting from people is that they watched all of them. They binged it. And that's like, I was like, because, you know, you try to do something a little different. And that's why when you said that, you didn't submit, I fucking connected so hard. Because I was like, I didn't, I don't need it to be. It's not going to be the number one show on Netflix. It's never going to be the greatest show they ever made. There's too many good shows.

But the fact that people have liked it, I go, I think I won. I think I got the thing I wanted. Yeah. It was just like, I got a text. I'm going to share this. And I apologize, Luke Colm's texting me last night. Now, he's not like a, he's not a social media guy. He just texted me.

He's like, dude, I just watched your entire show. Luke Colmes. And I'm like. He's cool as fuck. He's cool. I've hung out with that dude a few times. As fuck. And he's understated.

He's the guy. He's fascinating to me because he's a guy. We just did a podcast. He's a, guy that he goes into the room and he's not going to talk to anyone because he doesn't want to bother you. He's one of the biggest stars in country music. He's one of the most talented guys. He's humble. And he's very humble. And he's like, I did the CMAs and I saw him and he just, he stays to himself. He doesn't. And I was like, wow, what a slick dude. And he's like, no,

I'm not trying to be slick. I just don't want to bother anybody. Yeah. And so when Luke Colms texted me last night, I fucking, I texted Leanne. I was like, can you believe, like, that's not the guy you think. Right. It's a real compliment. from like a cheesy ass kisser. It's a real dude. He really, you know, he's not lying. Right, right. He really liked it.

The first person to text was Chris DeStefano. And that's a real one. He's like, dude, you're a good actor. This is a great series. I was the very first text I got. And I was like, comics don't have to text. They don't. We don't.

Like, I'll text, they shame when I saw tires because it's fucking, it was a game changer. I was like, this is fucking incredible, whatever. But when a comic text, you're like, that's, okay. Like, I didn't expect you to watch it. But Luke Holmes fucking floored me. Luke Klomes and Bradley Cooper was another one. That's awesome. Just do something that you enjoy and do your best at it.

This idea of awards. Yeah. Like, fuck off. Fuck off with your awards. Like, that's like, there's so many moments in history have been defined by these, like, goofy-ass awards. Yeah. Like, what? What is that?

The only thing is good is it, like, if something wins an Academy Award for best movie. I go, ooh, maybe I'll see it. Like, occasionally. But you know what's better than that? One of my friends saying it's great. Do. Or someone posting it on social media. Like, oh, this fuck. Someone that I respect on social media posting it and saying, hey, you need to watch this. This is amazing. Great. Do you ever see the movie American movie? What is that?

It's about the two guys in Wisconsin trying to make a horror film called Coven. God, I think I did. Is this a long time ago? Long time ago. Documentary. And there one guy's done way too much acid. and it's just it's like one of those movies where someone says to you you have to see this and it's never going to win an award

probably made no money but it is the most fascinating okay Jamie can you pull the trailer up for that if you see this you'll go I saw it okay it's the American movie Mike oh what was the other guys oh this is so good Joe

imagine a world where passion and perseverance outweigh polish and dreams are both the driving force and the destination What if I told you this world exists, not in some far-flung fantasy, but here in the heartland of America. This world is seen through the lens of an unsung documentary where we meet Mark Boshart. This is the trailer. This is the trailer. This is a filmmaker from Wisconsin.

That's okay. It's, you see it. No, I didn't see this. Joe, this movie is so good. But it's one of those things that it's like when you find something that you just fall in love with. Like, you can't explain to someone like Vernon, Florida. Have you ever seen Vernon, Florida? No.

It's a documentary by Werner Herzog about, it was trying to, him and another guy, another guy did it. He was trying to do a documentary called Nub City, right? It was about this place in Florida where a lot of people had lost limbs and were collecting insurance money. And he went in to do a documentary about that and he got his life threatened. But he had all this footage. So I think Werner Herzog came in and dumped him. little money in it and he just made the bizarrest documentary about a guy talking about turkey hunting

and another guy talking about like it's like four different personalities joe it's on youtube you can find it werzog does some amazing shit amazing shit this thing joe is like something you start watching and you go like i can't turn it off i mean he did grisly man he did uh fucking what is that other one um the one about the cave paintings in france He did... It was made by Erl Morris. Erl Morris. Oh, it wasn't Werner Herzog?

No, no. He was trying to highlight on there. It says it's an Erl Morris film. Oh, so it's not Werner Herzog. No, Bernard Herzog backed it. He was one that paid for it. Oh, I see, I see. He produced it.

He was also, Werner Herzog was a part of that movie, Happy People. You ever see that? No. Oh, my God. It's about these people that live in Siberia. These guys that live in a small village in Siberia, and they're just fishermen and trappers and hunters and they basically just live off the land and they're so happy. There's like no mental illness. Everybody works really hard. It's freezing cold at night. They're always

drinking and everyone's happy. And it's called happy people, life in the taiga. It's a great documentary because it just shows you that like without struggle, you will create struggle. And when you have struggle all the time, like physical struggle, people seem to be satisfied and happy, especially when they're living off the land, living like a subsistence lifestyle. They're out in the forest. They're catching fish. And it's a great documentary. It's really interesting.

Did you feel it? Because I remember we went to a birthday party at your house and your wife introduced my girls and Leanne to chickens. Mm-hmm. And Leanne and the girls immediately got chickens. Chickens are awesome. The happiest my family was. Out of all the times we were happy was when they had a garden and they were raising chickens.

Yeah, it's good for you, man. And then that extra, like, did you guys clean out the chicken coop? You need to clean, like, that little. Yeah, work. Yeah. Works good for you. Yeah. Especially work that pays off.

Like, you actually get eggs and you get to eat those eggs. Those eggs. And that's, like, the most karma-free food that you'll ever get. Because they're your pets. Like, you treat them well. You feed them. You're like, hey, girls, I see them. I talk to them.

They're like, bark-p-b-b-buck. I lift rocks for them, so they go into the rocks and pick out bugs and worms and shit. And then they come near you. They, like, waddle over to you when they, And you're ready, you're ready? You pick up the rock and they immediately go in there and try to get the worms and bugs and shit. And then you get these delicious, healthy eggs. Best eggs I've ever had in my entire life.

Yellow. Yellow, double. I remember orange. Do you remember double yolks? Mm-hmm. You get double yokes. Yeah. Oh, fuck off.

But you know exactly how they're raised. There's no cruelty involved. You know how they're fed. They lay an egg every day. That egg is never going to become a chicken. You never, like, that's what I tell to all my friends that are, like, vegetarians that are doing it for like they're just kind people they don't want an animal to die I'm like you don't have to kill an animal just eat eggs eggs have all the nutrients you need eat the

yolk eat the whole thing and you'll be super healthy like you can get all the animal protein you need from eggs and you don't ever have to worry about an animal dying so wait do you think then when you talk about what was that happy city is it called happy people happy people do you think your connection then to crushing it in the gym and killing it in the gym is directly connected to That struggle, because like the happiest I ever am is the second my workout's done. Yeah. And I lay back and I just sweat. Yeah, you did it.

Oh. Yeah, you did it. Your body needs. I think in order for your body to survive, like when we were hunter gatherers, you had to do a bunch of work. So I think there's human reward systems that are built in us that if you don't meet those requirements, your body gets anxious. And the most anxiety-ridden, fucked. mentally ill people I know

are these lazy slabs that are online all day complaining about people. Especially comics. I know so many comics that they spend a giant chunk other day shitting on other comics and they're all fat and lazy. And what is that? Well, it's because they're not healthy. They're not

mentally healthy, physically healthy. And so they're completely obsessed with other things, external things. You know, when we did that sober October challenge, Tommy said it best because he was like, dude, when you work out when we're all competing against each other to see who get the the highest fitness scores Tommy said it best like when you work out all day it kills all that internal chatter

like you don't worry about things anymore all that about this what about this what about that shit is your mind thinking there's threats out there in the world because there used to be because you're programmed to think about like what's out there what's coming for me where the is there a neighboring tribe that's coming over the top of the hill where am I going to get my food. There's all that stuff's built in as a human reward system. If you don't meet that human reward system, you're just doom scrolling on TikTok and Twitter all day and shitting on people like, fuck Whitney Cummings and Miss Rachel's. They're just mentally ill slobs, all of them, and their opinion should be dismissed. That's why the idea of awards is so ridiculous.

Who are these people that are giving you awards? They're all unhealthy people for the most part. They're all weirdos that are caught up in this fucking bizarre, strange industry that rewards groupthink. Like, fuck off. Yeah. That's probably the, probably the happiest my mind was when we had the, the year we had the straps. Remember we had that? Oh, yeah, yeah. And we were a member of that Kansas City workout club or something.

Yeah, we had to be kind of, yeah, the my zone. The my zone fitness straps. Yeah. And I remember, I mean, I, you know, like, you have memories in your head. where you like you drive by a place and you go I remember that and it was one night I said I was I was gonna run a marathon and you're like I'll match it I remember we were all texting and I remember getting up it like it was like put the girls to bed it's 9 o'clock at night and I go I'm gonna run until midnight and I had just this one fucking mile loop and I ran eight miles that night and I just kept

running and I cannot run down fucking Colfax I can't drive down Coalfax without thinking of me just going one more lap just one more lap yeah those those were those were fucking wearing yourself out it's good for your brain man it really good for you I don't think we should do that again because the problem with that is that lit up that weird part of my brain that obsessive part of my brain and my wife asked me never do that again just like because I was like super serious I got like really into it and it just became an obsession yeah it just it's a it's a dangerous part of my own brain that I can't entertain too much. Because I think that's the part of my brain that was formulated in my competition days

where it was like my thought was, you know, like I would go to the, because I had keys to the school. So I'd go and train at 2 o'clock in the morning because I knew nobody else was. I knew everybody else was asleep. So I'd go there. I'd drive there by myself and unlock the doors and start training at 2 o'clock in the morning because I knew everybody was asleep. Yeah.

That made me feel better like, bitch, why you're sleeping? I'm in here. You know? Where did you put that competitiveness? Because I shelved my competitiveness. I don't have it in comedy. I have a competitiveness with the industry that I felt ignored me at times. Like I want to prove things.

Like I did fully loaded because I never got on oddball. And so I created that festival. I remember I was with, we were at the Forest Hills Arena or whatever, the outdoor stadium. Someone's like, wow, this is crazy. Can you believe you did this? And I went, yeah. And they're like, what made you want to do? do this. I go, because no one would ever invite me.

And then they were like, wow, that was more of an answer than when we expected. But like, and so there's a competitiveness with me internally, but I was very competitive as an athlete, like unhealthy. And it was gross. How was it gross? Like what sports? Anything I did. Anything I did. That's Michael Jordan, right? When you're talking about Michael George, he was the most health. Michael Jordan and Kelly Slater, the two ones, Tiger Woods that I hear about and I identify with the way their brain works where I go, oh, I have that grossness where I create scenarios in my head to go, that's it. I'm going to fucking, I'd build up a rivalry with, I have a guy that I think about to this day

he played baseball at Tampa Catholic. His name was Israel. And I had a competitive name. The guy didn't even know who the fuck I am. He never knew me. He was a pitcher. And I fucking, and I apologize, Israel, if you're hearing this right now, we were 16, and I had a competitiveness in my head.

And my goal was to hit him to hit a line drive right back in and he was a pitcher and he threw inside and I crushed one off his kneecap and they pulled him out of the game and I stood on first base and I was like that's how it goes Israel is 53 years old right now. That was your drive. That was my fucking drive is to hit him with a line drive. I was so competitive and so I and I and when I got into stand up I maybe because I just I saw that so many people were so far. beyond me that I was like, well, I'm not playing their game, I guess, so I'm not, I never had a competitiveness in stand up. Well, you can't. Listen, you could, there's a good place for

competitiveness. I mean, I'm competitive, no doubt, but I don't think about it in terms of like art. Yeah. I think my competition with either stand up or with podcasting is to be the best I can do the best job I can. Like if I have a guy on and he wants to talk about some science stuff, or something like esoteric. I have to read his book or listen to the audio book. I have to read articles. I have to get in. I have to do my best.

This guy's going to fly in here from Europe or whatever it is. I have to be ready and I have to be intrigued. And the only reason why I have on the podcast in the first place is because I'm interested in it. So my thing is just do the best that I can. And the way that I could do it the best I can is only talk to people that I want to talk to. Only reach out to people that I'm actually interested in. and only accept invitations to someone that ignites my curiosity. And just only do it that way.

Never say, oh, this person will be great because they're famous. Like, that's one of the things you see about some of these podcasts that are doing well, all of their guests are famous, right? Which is like a built-in cheat code. Like, let's see what this guy. And I have famous people on all the time. If I think they're interesting, if I want to talk to them. John Milibank. But I pass on a lot of famous people because I'm not interested in them.

Or because they were like really heavily pushing. the vaccine during the pandemic. I'm like, fuck you forever. Fuck you. There's a few people that have tried to get on. I'm like,

no, I would have, before the pandemic, I would have been happy to have you on. But now I'm like, fuck you forever. Who knows how many people you caused to have heart attacks? Who knows how many people

you tricked into getting that and they had a stroke? Who knows? Who knows? And it didn't need it, especially the people that already got COVID. You didn't know what you were talking about

and you just bootlicked. You bootlick for the fucking, for the man. Like, fuck you. Like, That's it. But other than that, everybody else, it's like, who is it? What do they want to talk about?

So I just do my best. You know, I'm competitive when it comes to playing pool. But really, the pool, you're playing against yourself. You're playing another person and the other person is to. But when you're playing, nobody can block you. Nobody gets in front of you. You're just trying to do your best. So it's all against you.

All the competition is against you, which is why I like to work out by myself. I'm playing against you. me you know it's me it's like it's whatever my inside little inner bitch is I'm trying to squash that motherfucker down beat his ass again and then he's back again tomorrow every time I lift the fucking lid on that cold punch my inner bitch is like don't do it you don't have to do this you could not do it and we'll be fine like the other day was 22 degrees outside and I had to break the ice off of the top of the thing because it was like covered in ice I break the ice off because I could barely lift the lid off the fucking thing so I don't

to knock off all the ice and then pick it up and climb on in. I'm like, fuck you. And it's like, it's fuck you to the inner bitch. Dude, it's like when you said, like, I remember doing an interview with a guy when he was getting ugly. I got a Netflix special coming out. I'm going to go out on the road for the next couple weeks. And I was like, couple weeks.

Couple weeks. Couple weeks. I'm gone. I don't, I'm not home for one month. One month out, I'm in my bus every night doing a stand-up. But 18 months out, I'm like obsessive. Yeah. I'm not shooting my next one until 2027, and I'm obsessive today.

Last night I was like, I tried all my new shit. I was like, I got to find out of real people laugh at this. You know, like, I mean, my fans, my fans, I think my fans are willing to give me an inch, you know? Well, they also know you, they know your story, and all the references, yeah. But what's crazy to me is like, we were, me and you, not, I can't speak for the younger comics, but we were in a time at stand-up when competitiveness was the norm. It was because of TV, though, dude. That was what it was.

It was like everybody thought they were competing for a very small amount of slots. And then what happened was the internet came along, and we realized that, no, in fact, we're actually an asset to each other. Because we do each other's podcast. We hang out with each other, which makes each other better. When we're all on a show together and you're killing and Tom's killing and Ari's killing, the more people, are killing, the more we're going to do better because we're going to get excited about it. Yeah. And we'll be inspired. And so we became valuable to each other instead of competitive against each

other. And if there was any competition that you were having with your friends, it was actually healthy competition because it just made you try harder. Like if you saw, if Ari went up and like when Ari did his Jew special, which was fucking incredible, that special was so good. It made so many people get inspired to work on a theme and write and like really try to develop something. Like, look at what he did. He just put together this fucking incredible special. Like, it was really fucking good. And that kind of competition is healthy competition.

It's inspirational. Instead of, like, saying, I hope that guy gets hit by a bus. Fuck him. All these slobs that are on Twitter and they're talking shit about comedians and are angry about comedians, they have one thing in common. They're almost all failures. They're either failures or they're extremely mediocre. They're in the middle of, like, mediocre.

No one's got them as their favorite comedian. No one's got them as their favorite podcaster. No one's got them as anything. They just don't do that well. So what do they do? They're attacking people. So their competitiveness is a very unhealthy competitiveness. If their competitiveness was healthy, they would say, well, what is it about this person where she's getting all these comedy specials and she's in front of all these rows?

Why is Nikki Glazer doing so well? And I'm not instead of hating on Nikki Glazer. You know, but that's not what like a narcissist does. What a not one, what about me? How come I'm not getting that? And so she doesn't talk about sucking cock, that fucking bitch. And then they get all fucking angry, and they start talking shit about her. Meanwhile, she still kills it.

She's still on the road. She's still selling out. She's still getting out there. Everybody screams and cheers. Why? Because she put in the work. And if you put in the work, and if you looked at yourself and you objectively analyze what you're doing and said, why is this going well and why is this not going well?

And worked harder, you would be where she is. But you're not. So what are you doing? You're on Twitter every day for 12 hours, like a fucking mental patient, just shitting on people and getting in arguments and saying mean things. Like you're going to just crabs in a bucket. You're just trying to pull people down that are doing bad on you. Where you going? Get back down here.

That's all it is. It's unhealthy. That's why you can't read that stuff because you absorb the atmosphere of the people that you surround yourself with. And like it or not, when you're interacting with people on social media, you are surrounding yourself with their thoughts. Yeah. You know, and they're unhealthy people that you would never hang out with in real life. And if you did, if you said, well, why do you think that way? And then they would say something like, that doesn't make any sense.

This is why that doesn't make any sense. They would go, uh, uh, uh, and then they would run away and go talk shit about you on social media because they're cowards. Yeah. So you can't live in a world of cowards and mental ill people. You can't. It's not good for you. It's when I started hanging out with the group I'm around now, right?

I want to say it was you You were saying surround yourself with good people And I remember I remember reading a quote that week And I've butchered it But I said if enough you hang out with enough great white sharks People think you're a great white shark Like I just like like All they see is the Finn

And it's like if I hang out with the best fucking comics in the world If I surround myself with the best comics in the world I'm gonna have to get better Yes Like I'm gonna get better And I remember I can tell you like The first time I saw your Kim or your Caitlin Jenner joke of the gargoyles.

The demon, yeah, and you're on the stool, and you got the stool and the gargoyle. I remember watching that crying, laughing, going, I'm not using the stage at all. Like, I'm not using the stage. Like, God damn it. I remember Burr doing an act out, and I never expected Burr to do an act out.

He was talking to an immigrant kid he hired that lived in the bushes, or that he adopted. He goes, someone says, not going to live in the house. We're going to keep in the bushes. He said, come on, man. There's a reason he had bushes. But he was doing an act out. And I remember going like, God damn it, man.

I don't ever do act outs. Like, I think I always surrounded myself around better comics to like see what the meal was being made and go like, well, shit, I'm just making French fries. You can turn that into a baked potato. Well, we don't exist in a vacuum. This is one of the things that I always say about comics. You never find the best comic in the country or one of the best comics in the country by themselves in Birmingham, Alabama. No. It doesn't exist.

They're always in either New York, L.A., Austin. There's a few other places where you find out about someone really good. And they're always around other people that are really good. Because comedy is one of those things where you really only experience it live. Like when you see someone in doing a special, specials are great. But a special is like 60% of the real show. If you're there in the audience, you get 100% of the real show. You get hypnotized by the show. You get caught up in it. If the guys got it together, it's like really well pieced. and timed and edited. It's so much fun. But you got to be there. And when you're at a club, and you see Gillis and Ron White and like we have the mothership,

you have all these great comics. Like, man, the atmosphere is just uplifting. Everybody's inspired and exciting. And for people that are listening, like, yeah, that's great for you guys, be fucking famous comedians. You could do this with your friends. Whatever you're doing.

I don't care what you're doing. whatever you're doing. If you guys are all pickleball players, just work hard to be the best fucking pickleball player. Hang out with other pickleball players. Talk about pickleball. Get involved in it. Push each other.

Tell each other what you're doing that's making you better. Tell each other, what are the different things you're doing that's enhancing your recovery or whatever the fuck you're into? Find other people that are also into it. Surround yourself with people that have a similar thing

and you all lift each other up. And you need the other voices. Because I think sometimes the best jokes you tell are like, you don't realize you're telling a joke. You don't realize it's a bit. And then someone goes, yo, man. Like, I remember we were doing a new material night one night. And I got off stage and you walked up to me, you go,

did you really not know that Helen Keller and Anne Frank weren't the same person? And I was like, yeah, I used to think they were the same person. Bro, did you, you know what I'd be reading that Helen Keller was a fraud? Yeah, okay, hold on. Let's start here, okay? So, okay. I heard Stevie Wonder CASE. Okay

And there's footage Of him doing seeing guy shit Like what? Pull it up There's all sorts of stuff And some very interesting stories people have told too Shut the fuck up Yeah Like there's a video

Boy that's a great secret To keep that secret for so long While you're still alive Helen Keller's dead And it just leaked out in 2026 Dude Helen Keller Her doctors

Were saying that she responded To stimuli to sound To visual And then her writing was apparently all the same grammatical errors and spelling errors that her handler had. This goes back to Koubushai, Joe. It's just like he says to me,

you lost it all and you built it back. And I just Stevie wondered him. I'm like, yeah, I can't see, man. Me and Eddie Bravo were crying laughing. Because I was on the toilet when he called me. And I'm taking a shit and he's like, did Burr Kreischer lose everything? I'm like, what?

What do you mean? He said to me last night. He goes, he was on Shannon. I go, He didn't lose everything. And I go, I bet Shannon Sharp just said that. And I could see Bert totally just going with it. And we were crying laughing.

Eddie and I were crying. Like, why would you go with that? Why wouldn't you just tell him? I'll tell you Bert wouldn't. He wouldn't even, but he was, I don't know, Shannon. I just put myself back up. And I just, I hit rock bottom. He never hit rock bottom?

He was never even in the middle. He was always doing great. That's what happened to Stevie. Wonder. They were just like, hey, man, I heard you're blind. He's like, what? And then someone's like, just going to be real. I swear to God, there's video of someone.

Ray Charles is blind. Don't kill all my dreams. Ray Charles is really blind. Okay. I heard Ray Charles got a lot of pussy, too. Stevie Wonder. You know why? Because he didn't care what it looked like.

He didn't give a fuck. He just cared what it felt like. Did you smell good? Do you smell good? Can we fuck? I brought a blind guy on stage one time at Hartford, Connecticut. I was like, he was with a fucking smoking hot chick. He probably didn't even know.

And I know, I said, I go, dude, what a waste. And he was like, what? I go, you got a beautiful chick, but you could just, I mean, wouldn't a fat one feel better? Like, because you're all touch, right? And he goes, no, man, I can feel her face. And I went, what? And she's gorgeous. Oh, he could feel her face.

This is when I was young, and there were no rules in comedy and no one had phones. So I said, hey, man, come up on stage. I want you to feel people in the audience and rate them on a scale of one to ten. Oh, no. And fucking the confidence of these chicks. I'll do it. And gets up. Feels her face.

He's like, oh, four. And the crowd was like, this guy. guy's good. He could have worked at a fair Joe. I mean, he was so fucking good. He was so good. You have to have footage of Stevie Wonder shaking dude's hands. Come on. There's one where I saw where he comes up on stage and Stevie sticks his hand out to the side and the guy's like, hey, what's up, Stevie? Yeah, but I mean, he would hear people and know that they were to the side of him. I don't know. That's what I heard. But then that's what happened with Helen Keller is right. The story gets bigger. Well, Helen Keller seems like it was fraud. It seems like she probably

was like visually impaired. Okay, when someone attempted to shake hands with Stevie Wonder, I pray this. Oh, that's a joke making fun of it. Okay, so not that one. Oh. But I did find, so there's a bunch of compilations of people like this is from drink champs.

These Stevie Wonder stories keep getting wilder every time. Shut up. You ever had drink champs on? No. Let me hear some of this. Everybody's got Stevie's not blind stories. Stevie Wonder be FaceTime.

On everything I love, Stevie Wonder does FaceTime me. Come on, man. I can't make this shit. I was in there chilling with my I was getting my hair doing my hair style and my phone and my hairstyle is like did I say Stevie Wonder I said yep I went poop and he was like I've been looking for you you know Snoop dogs Steve Wonders FaceTimes him yeah we got all kinds of stories me too oh my god oh my god think Stevie to see sometimes

What? Shapp said he rolled in the elevator with Stevie and Stevie pressed the, but... We let them the same building on Wilshire. All right, right. I see to describe this story. He's by himself. You can park in front or you can park in the bottom.

Uh-huh. I'm already in the elevator. So you say Stevie got off his car, a dolo? No, I have. No, I have. But he got on the elevator, dolo. Okay. And I'm standing in the corner.

I see him. I don't want to say, no. He's like, what up? Diesel. And he got the floor and I'm like. Shaq said he rolled in the elevator with him. He didn't say that he was in there. He just seen Stevie, like they lived in the same building.

And they both walked in. And Shaq, because he didn't want to say that. And Stevie said when Shaq walked out. All right, later, Diesel. You know, first he came, man, he. Crazy. Yeah. That's crazy.

Well, what a great move that would be if he really did it. I think he's blonde. No, here's the picture. But what up Diesel? So, first of all, the sound that he would make when he walks, like, the shack is huge. He's an enormous person. So you'd probably realize there was an enormous man next to you. You'd have to feel it.

Right. I'll test it. Maybe he wears the same deodorant or cologne. Because dudes who can't see have amazing sense of smell. Like, people smell differently. Yeah. You know, like certain people smell different, I guess. I don't notice it because I could see him.

but I guarantee you. But Jack does have his own deodorant. Yeah, there you go. No, he has his own deodorant. He's got Shaq's head on it, I think. He probably smelled Shaq's deodorant. I don't know. I'm just trying to be terrible.

This is how I think it happened, right? Stevie Wonder goes on what? The Ed Sullivan Show of Five? And he's probably hard. He probably can't see. He probably doesn't have 20-20 vision. He's probably legally blind, right? Legally blind.

Like, he can see shit, but it's not great vision. And they're like, you know, this is a little Stevie. And he's like, what's wrong with his eyes? We can't fucking put his eyes out like that. Give him sunglasses. And then the story got bigger than it was. I will say this. I will say this.

Okay. I got a video of this. This just proves that he might be blind. Liam was at a concert the other night. This guy, Corey Henry's, Stevie's favorite pianist. Leanne loves Corey Henry. She goes to the concert. She's sitting next to Stevie Wonder.

And Stevie Wonder didn't stand. The whole place was standing. And Leanne was like, why isn't he standing? I go, because you only stand to see. If you're blind, you're going to sit through the whole show. It's no different to you. Right. So I was like, and then I have video of Stevie Wonder sitting.

But it's also convenient because who the fuck wants to stand for a show. I don't. Helen Keller. The Helen Keller one's different. The Helen Keller ones. Because there's doctors that have said, like, there's medical records at the time where people said she was responding to light. That says that there's, that's not true. The Helen Keller thing?

She just had- Archives from 1902 to 1924 do not contain examination reports showing Helen Keller had functional vision and hearing throughout a disabled life. And the conspiracy that Keller was a cash cow for Sullivan is debunked by the fact that Keller's

full life continued with another companion, Polly Thompson, who also interpreted for her. That doesn't mean anything. That means that other person could be in and on it as well. Yeah. That doesn't mean anything. Also, this is a time in 1919. I mean, come on. How easy was a lie in 1919?

1902 to 1924. I mean, you could get away with so much. So she supposedly flew a fucking plane? This says... I told you she's... Hold on. Yeah, this says it was from like a movie and there's no... Oh, the movie. She flew a plane in a movie. A silent film. She played herself...

She played herself flying a plane. They just thought people were retarded back then. They're like, show her flying a plane. She's the best. She started the university. Nothing can hold her back. Why is it holding you back? She can't hear, she can't see, and she could talk and write books. Like, wait, what? Okay, that is this one article. I knew she flew pain.

But I've read things that said that the people that were examining her said that she responded to sound and that she responded to light. Just because this one thing says it's not true doesn't mean that it's not true. Well, then here's the question. It's also we don't know. This is a hundred years ago. Yeah. We really don't know. How blind and deaf do you need to be before you say you're not blind and deaf?

Right. Well, the thing is, like, can you not hear anything? Can you not see anything? That's blind and that's deaf. Anything else is like, I have poor hearing and poor sight. Yeah, but that doesn't sell a fucking book. Right, but that's the problem. Like, maybe she could see a little.

Maybe she said bad vision and maybe she could talk a little. Because otherwise how, I mean... So less impressive. Explain to me how you're going to write books. Explain to me how you're going to grasp concepts and language and community. And communication and interaction. Explain to me. I don't get it.

I've never met anybody since then that's been able to do it. Do any blind deaf people today write books and fly planes? I don't know if she's full of a plane. She's just in the plane. That's what it said. Oh, yeah. She's in the front of this plane and they usually flew from the back. I saw a blind guy on a plane once.

I didn't think anything of it. I didn't think he flew. I almost got no fight with the blind guy at the Austin Airport. For what? Right after I did the show last time I was here. I was a little high. I went to the airport, a little drunk. He was fighting with his wife.

and he grabbed her by the back of the arm to leave and I thought he was just grabbing by the back of the arm like a dick and I was like hey and then he turned around he had sunglasses on and a cane and I realized that's the only way he could get to the gate look at burp being a fucking white night I know stepping in fighting blind guys

I fucked that guy up he didn't is so easiest fight I've ever been in the look on the black guy's face at TSA when I couldn't see that he was blind already and he grabbed his wife's arm and I went hey and the black guy went oh shit like not knowing You're talking sick to a blind guy.

You were drunk. I was. I was wasted. So are there any people, there are any good articles that say Helen Keller could see? No, I asked perplexity. It said she was blind and deaf caused by meningitis when she was 19 months old. Again, I wonder.

I wonder if she could see a little, see a little and hear a little. It makes a lot more sense that you could write books. I just stumbled across something that's, I don't know how true it is. It just says that somewhere in the little, along the way, Stevie Wonder got some sort of corrective something or other to help. Oh, so you could see a little bit? Death perception issues or... What?

That means you could see. Stop lying to me, damn it. But he also said another thing says he's got detached retinas. Wait, did you ever see that? Oh, interesting. So he has damaged vision then. That sounds like damaged division. Shortly after birth due to retinopathy of prematurity from being born prematurely.

He's addressed his rumors persistently. about being able to see this is a blessing along to see people's spirits, not their appearance. So this is the Instagram thing that I saw initially on Helen Keller. I'll send this to you. Yeah, you don't believe that,

but you believe that bullshit article that you just pulled up. No, I'm saying, starting with social media isn't the best place to... Listen, it's the best place for information. It's where I get all my information. Everything's accurate. You can start there.

It's all real. It's all real. You ever told someone... Yeah, I read a book about it. it was just an Instagram post and they're like a book I think I saw the same post. Yeah. Helen Keller was a fraud. Doctors proved she could see and hear. That's her? Her teacher made millions from the lie. It said medical board archa. Medical board archives from 1902 to 1924 allegedly contained examination reports suggesting Helen Keller retained partial vision

in hearing throughout her life. According to those claims, multiple physicians noted she reacted to sounds when Anne Sullivan was not present, tracked movement with her eyes and physically flinched at loud noises. One sealed report is said to conclude that, I don't like that, is said to conclude that her responses pointed to coordinated deception rather than true disability. Sullivan reportedly refused independent

testing. Ah ha. The theory argues that the situation became highly profitable. Sullivan allegedly discovered Keller at age seven, promoted a miraculous teaching breakthrough and toured the country charging the modern equivalent of thousands per appearance. Supporters that claim say Keller's autobiography noticeably changed tone when Sullivan became ill, suggesting Sullivan authored both voices. Financial records are said to show Sullivan controlled all income, keeping Keller financially dependent for life.

Linguistic analytics cited by conspiracy supporters claimed Keller's writings mirrored Sullivan's private letters exactly matching vocabulary, sentence structure, and even spelling mistakes. They argued that Keller wrote without Sullivan present, that when Keller wrote without Sullivan present, the work appeared elementary, concluding that her eloquent public words came from Sullivan, not Keller. According to the theory, disability organizations later built massive institutions around Keller's story. When evidence questioning her condition surface, it was allegedly suppressed due to, to, rather, protect a lucrative charity, an inspiration-based industry that relied on a powerful symbolic figure. Lance Armstrong. What do you mean? This is like this is the whole like the, you build the whole thing and people start coming at you, right?

It's like this is the time when the elephant man was big. But Lance Armstrong won those races. And the thing about the Lance Armstrong thing is, you know, you could say Lance Armstrong cheated and he'll tell you he cheated, but the reality is everyone cheated. If you wanted to go back into the archives when he won Tour de France and figure out like who didn't test positive, you had to go to 18th place. Yeah. So they took away all his jerseys.

By the way, fuck you, he says, because he still has all those jerseys in the wall. Bitch, you can't take them for me. You can say I didn't win, but everybody knows I won. And everybody knows he won when all those other guys were doping too. But I was saying they were trying to protect a lucrative profit.

Uh-huh. And that's what didn't happen with Lance. Like, they just threw him under the bus. Well, he was also suing people who were saying that he took stuff. Because they were whistleblowers because they went after them first and said listen if you if you blow the whistle on Lance We'll get you off the hook and so then he would sue them It would be a better story of Helen was more like Lance and like we got a tennis partner says you play tennis with him Helen

She was like she was like she's like I'm gonna sue you and they're like you're talking pretty good She's gonna go But this is around the time when the elephant man was big so you'd grab on to something right? You grab on to something like a side show Right and you'd paraded around the country and make money that woman who's her handler, if that lady was responsible for all of her finances and had access to all that money. Anne Sullivan. That makes sense.

That's how I mixed up, Anne and Frank and Sullivan. That's how it came about. There's nowhere to, there's no link here. Shut up, Jamie. I just want to say. Stop ruining everything. You're right. There's no link there's not a single link to say, and people even ask like, where are the links

and when you do some of the stuff. I like that one, though. I knew it. I knew it. I'm with that guy. Christian Harvey. I knew it. is for years.

It just doesn't make sense that she'd be able to write so eloquent. Did you ever see Kevin Hart and Dr. Dre talking about Stevie Wonder? No. Pull this up. Kevin Hart, Dr. Dre. Because Dr. Dre is not, I mean, like, he's not,

he never tries to be funny. Right. And he is so fucking funny on accident on this clip. Talking about Stevie Wonder? Just Stevie Wonder, Dr. Dre, Kevin Hart. An album with Marsha Ambrosia, right?

And we did some music, a song using Stevie Wonder's music. and he had to clear it and he called me up like uh oh jay for some reason stevie wonder called you like super early in the morning like six seven the morning or some shit i'm like just because you can't see the time the fuck like so true story look at kevin i don't like the lyrics i don't like the lyrics look at kevin okay we went in and changed the lyrics he's like what do you uh Stevie is 3 a.m. What the fuck is the difference?

Like 5 a.m. or 5 p.m. is Steve. That's true. What's the difference? That's true. Blind people have a really hard time sleeping. I imagine, because it's dark all the time. Yeah. Yeah, their circadian rhythms all fucked up, right?

They feel sunlight in their face, though. If they go outside. They have to. I do. Yeah, it probably feels really good. That sign on your face? You're blonde. Like, oh, just don't feel the light.

Just feel the warmth. I bet you see it when you open your eyes a little bit. I bet you see something. Depends on your level of blindness, right? Some people could just see light, like a little bit of light. I would love that they made like blind glasses. Like this is how blind you have to be to be considered blind and you could just put them on and be like, okay, that's blind.

Oh, like legally blind glasses. Yeah, yeah, legally blind glasses that we could all put on. And then they're like, and that'd be cool if they made like version. Like, this is how blind Helen Keller was. And you put them on, you're like, oh, I can, fucking see. Yeah, we don't know. I guess there's no way to find out.

I'd like to believe that it was a fraud. I think that's fun. I like to believe that people pull. But it's like Watergate. I like finding out. I gotta get rid of that book now. Yeah. That fucking bums me out.

That was my hair. Listen, you watch the episode that I did with Bill Murray. He fucking hated that book. He said, yeah, after five pages, he was like, I knew it was bullshit. God. Yeah. Bert, I love you to death. Joe, I love you.

Tell everybody about your show. It's on Netflix right now. Free Bert, streaming on Netflix right now. Check it out. If you like it, just enjoy it. There is. Boom, boom. 275 pounds in this.

Damn. You lost a lot of weight. How much you're down to now? 40 pounds. 35 pounds. That's awesome. And you have a drink in how long? Just 17 days.

That's good. Yeah, I got another, I have a timer set five months and 18 days. So at six months, you're going to have a drink? Yeah, well, I got a second opinion. You know that, Joe. Okay. I'll see you in six months. I'll see it before.

I'll see it before. Are you coming tonight? You're going to be around the night? I'm trying to go to spend time with Tom's kids. Oh, beautiful. Okay, beautiful. Well, it's good luck getting Tommy on the phone these days. He's a busy boy.

Yeah, busy boy. Yeah, we're all busy, Tom. That dude's busy, though. No. He's kind of crazy busy. Yeah, I own a vodka company with him. Yeah, he opened up a restaurant. We have a 5K.

You couldn't have gone run our 5K, Joe? No. L.A.? No. I don't go to about L.A. What was the last time you were there? Uh, I guess it was like, I went there for the UFC. seven months ago or something like that.

Okay. Yeah. I don't go there anymore. L.A. to me is like just a bad relationship. Like you're running to a girl that used to be cool, and now she's just a mess, and you're like, oh. You don't miss anything about it? Nope.

I'm good at moving on. Thanks for having me on Joe. I appreciate it. My pleasure, brother. I love you to death. All right. Bye, everybody.