The Joe Rogan Experience - #2472 - Jeff Ross

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

Jeff Ross is a comic, actor, director, and producer. His new special, “Take a Banana for the Ride,” is streaming on Netflix.www.netflix.com/title/81969837www.roastmastergeneral.com Perplexity: Download the app or ask Perplexity anything at https://pplx.ai/rogan. Get a free welcome kit with your first subscription of AG1 at https://drinkag1.com/joerogan Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Joe Rogan podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan podcast by night, all day. What's up, though? Joe. Good to see you, my friend. Same here, man. Let's crack a wacko.

Life is good. Happy to be in Austin, Texas. Happy to have you. Are you doing Kill Tony tonight? I'll show up at Kill Tony tonight. Nice. Of course. My guy, so happy for him.

Yeah, he's killing it. He always talks about us. as his early supporters. Oh, yeah, for sure. I love that guy. He's the best. I mean, that show is on fire. It's a fucking runaway train right now.

Everywhere I go. Kill Tony, Kill Tony, Kill Tony. Love you on Kill Tony. It's such a fun show. You know, what a great idea. Kind of amazing. Nobody thought it up. Well, he just kind of put his open mics

and his roasts and his personality and his friends and built a community. It's kind of amazing. Oh, it's incredible. He's the new Johnny Carson. I mean, think about how many like Adam Ray's Killing it, selling out giant theaters. All these guys that, you know, came through that show are fucking destroying now.

This is our tribe, Joe. I know. I love it. It's amazing. It's a good time for comedy. Did I hear that you have a German Shepherd? No. No, I have a Golden Retriever, and I have a Cavalier, King Charles Spaniel.

Oh, okay. A little tiny fella. Somebody told me something different. No. I love German Shepherds, but I don't have. I have a German Shepherd. They're the best. You have to exercise the shit out of them, though.

Yeah. They need work. She loves to run around, dig, and climb and adventures. They need tasks. They're not like my golden. He's just cool, just chilling, laying on his back and his belly rub. Oh, I follow him on Instagram. Don't worry.

He's the best. I look for my mornings with him. I mean, they're a very low-maintenance dog, and he's trained. You could train him very easily, but as far as, like, like, a guard dog and that kind of useless. My dog can, like, sit. sit, stay, and run around frantically. I'll be like, run around frantically. And she'll just run around.

Well, they have so much energy. Those dogs are just designed to work. I put her to work for two months this summer on Broadway. She came out at the end of my show and howled with me in the audience. She can howl on cue? We taught her. I had the same trainer that did Sandy from the show Annie, like from when I was a kid. Bill Bertolone.

And he's like, I could teach her. She's like a wild rescue German Shepherd from the desert. And there she was, like, came out, jumped on a couch, hit her mark, turn to the audience, and we, like, sang. Oh, that's awesome. She had her own dressing room. Nipsey. Her name's Nipsey. And, you know, when the job was, you know, when the run was over, she was like, no more work, I need something else to do.

Yeah, they need things to do. Like, people that just have them and have them in an apartment and don't go anywhere, like, that's a crazy thing to do to a dog like that. Oh, look at her. Oh my God. Wow. Look how sweet. So she's a rescue dog? She is.

Where'd you find her? They found her in a bumy breeder in Reno during the pandemic. I had an old dog. I had an old senior dog that my ex found on the street. And we took care of her at the beginning of the pandemic. And the ex left, left the dog. So it was just me and this old beat-up street dog for a, few months and the vet was like I got another

a puppy German Shepherd and so she was a puppy this one was yeah oh that's great so now I was like five years ago already so she's my bestie and and we do everything I mean I just love her to pieces like I can't even getting on the plane to come here yesterday as a part of me was like should I bring her

let her run around the fours for a couple days and whatever but yeah it's hard leaving them it's like I have a kid they look she looks at me looking for the Are we going? Are we staying? Are we eating? I know. They get separation anxiety big time. And they get very attached to one person. Right. Yeah. Like you're her daddy.

Oh, she's just so sweet. She'll lay in bed, wait. She never wakes me, rolls over, arms up, ready to get. She can't start the day without a full belly rub. Like I almost like hold her legs and play her like a guitar. And she just, you know, tongues out, just complete euphoria. you. Once a week, I take all her collars off and just rub the neck and just her eyes start watering. That's so cute. Highly right. I never was into dogs. I'm slightly allergic. My sister got snapped on by a doberman when we were little. So I was always a little afraid. And then it was just kind of forced on me during the pandemic because all these dogs needed homes. So now here I am. I'm a freaking doggy daddy. Oh, I love dogs. I've always had dogs. I will never not have dogs. I love them. I love them.

You think it is. They're just these amazing creatures that just love the shit out of you. And especially if you train them from the time they're puppies and you give them nothing but love. Yeah. They're so connected to you. And then, you know, it's just awesome. You wake up in the morning and it's always positive. It's always, hello, hello.

I wake up with Marshall and he starts whining and whimpering. And he like, I do this thing in the morning. I go, good morning, sir. Good morning, sir. He's just wagging his tail. and he's rolling around on his back, and I'm rubbing his belly, and he's giving me kisses. He loves it.

He gets so excited to see me in the morning. It's like his ritual. He knows the ritual's coming. He's going to get all this love. Does he sleep in your room? No. No. My wife is a little bit allergic,

so he sleeps outside the room. Right. But he is just a giant love sponge. That's what he is. It's like he loves everybody. Everybody who comes in the house, like he meet you for the first time. He's like,

I can't believe you're here. He's just so excited to meet everybody. My dog checks everybody. She's got to, like, check them out first. German Shepherd. It's different. And if somebody has a chemical imbalance or a little off, she lets me know.

Oh, yeah, you got screwball friends. Yeah, well, every now and then, you know, comics will be off their men and they'll come over and be like, I used to know that person. I don't know that person anymore. The dog just, like, alerts me. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, they're very watchful.

You know, they're shepherds. They're protecting you. They're protecting their daddy. She's funny on the plane. I've only flown with her twice, but once to New York and then once back after we were done on Broadway. And she's like, it was nine months later.

She literally knew how to walk on the plane, where to go, where her seat was, remembers everything like a person. They're very smart dogs. Very smart dogs. It's one of the reasons why they need someone to exercise. Like the dumbest dogs can just lay around and do nothing. Yeah.

But really smart dogs. They need a lot of activity, especially shepherds, because they're working dogs. If I leave her alone too long, she'll dig up the backyard. She needs something to do. Yeah, they get crazy. They're like an athlete.

Yeah. You know, they just, they need work. They need to go. And they don't need a lot of food. They don't need a lot. She's like... What do you feed her? You know, I used to overfeed her and give her a lot of table scraps and spoiler.

And then I learned more recently that if I keep her to like a cup and a half of kibble a day, the vet recommended it. You should get her on raw food. Raw food or fresh food. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I used to feed my dog's kibble, too. I had one dog that got cancer, and I read about all these dogs getting cancer. And, you know, they get fat so easy when you give them kibble.

And it's just because that stuff can sit on a shelf forever. It's like you wouldn't eat it. Why are they eating it? Right. It's not healthy for them. Sometimes I put a little turkey in the... Turkey's great. Real food is great.

Real food for your dog is the way to go. I feed my dog farmer's dog. It comes frozen. It has to be frozen. Right. And the way they attack it versus the way they attack Kibble, like, Kibble's like, okay, they're eating, no big deal. Yeah. But they just can't wait to eat this stuff.

Like they get excited. Like the little guy, a little Charlie, he literally leaps up in the air trying to get to the counter where when I'm putting the food in his bowl, he gets nuts. They love it. It's real food. It's human-grade food for dogs. I have to check that out. Oh, yeah. It comes frozen.

And also they give it to you the right portions for your dog. Right. So you don't have to think about it. Like, you put in your dog's food. weight, what breed your dog is, and whether your dog's overweight or not, and they measure it out, cower-wise, so it's specific to your dog. This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the power move isn't having a big metallic credit card to drop on the check

at a corporate lunch. The real power move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence and accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the best. biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. My dog's weight is good, but I got to get her to stop smoking. She's just got to stuff. You know what, it's funny.

She used to really hate when I light up a joint. Oh, really? When she was little, she'd run in the other room, but now she's just like, oh, that's daddy. Well, she'd probably get a little paranoid. I used to have a pit bull that she would get paranoid if she was in the room and we got high. And I was realizing, oh, this poor dog. She's getting high, too. She was a rescue dog, too.

I found her. She was covered in Maine. She was so sad. She was eating out of garbage cans. It's heartbreaking. Yeah. A friend of mine found her, and they took her in for it, and then they called me, and they said, do you want another dog?

I had one dog already. I said, absolutely. And as soon as I saw her, I was like, oh. Yeah. They're good together. Yeah. It was so horrible. She was covered in Maine.

She had little scabs on her and everything. It all went away within, like, two months of food. But that dog, because of living on the street, she could never. never get enough food. She was always, like, raiding garbage cans and stuff. Like, you'd have to lock up the garbage can, strap it down with a bungee cord. She would tip them over, and she was never full.

Even though she would, like, get fat, she was never full. Just in case. It was just, you know, she was starving when I found her. I had the old dog first, and then the young German Shepherd. So the old one had all these street habits like that. And she taught him to the young dog, like the young dog walks down the stairs as if she has a broken back hip. Oh, no.

She learned how to get in the car from an old dog. So two legs. She could leap right in. She's a kid. But she still goes two paws up and I have to pick her up. Yeah, that's how Marshall does it. Overprotective, like the old dog. Yeah, Marshall, I think he probably could jump in my car.

But it's like he knows I'll just lift him up because I've done it since it was a puppy. So we do this little thing. I go, you're ready? He puts his paws out. I go, one, two, three. It's always one, two, three, up. So he gets ready. Did they talk to you?

My dog howls with me in the morning. No, Marshall only talks when he wants to come inside. Like if he's outside, he'll just bark once at the door. Just to let you know. He's really good. He's the best dog. What does his bark sound like? Boom!

Let me in. It's like, hey, I'm out here. Come on. You know, he's out till he's not. You know, he's out until he's bored. And then he just lets you know. It's not annoying. The old dog, if I had to put him.

her like if like a guy came over to work on the house or something i had to put her like in a bedroom or a bathroom she she was you know big big dog she would gnaw on the handles so i have a house full of like chrome uh door handles that all have like bite marks in it like the bite is amazing yeah you got to give them things to chew on all the time you know there's chew toys all over my house yeah everywhere my dog has uh marshall has like a big box filled with toys And it was like, and he just goes in and picks one out. Yeah, randomly. Depends who it is?

I go, what are you going to get? Which toy? And he's like, looking around, picks one out. And then him and the little dog, they play Tago War. It's adorable. They get a toy. So they get a lot. Oh, my God.

You knew they'd get along before you got the cycle? He's the easiest dog to get along with. He gets along with everything and everybody. Jamie's got a psycho dog. Jamie's got this little French bulldog that's like a little meat missile. Yeah. He's a nut. He's great. He's awesome.

Oh, yeah, he's not. He's three, almost three. He's two and a half. He's a little psycho. He's jacked. He's super jacked. He's like this little French bulldog. He's just fucking jacked.

And him and Marshall just play insane. It's insane. Like Carl throws himself through the air at Marshall. Because he knows that Marshall's like super gentle. Right. They just play back and forth, but it's adorable. If a dog is small enough, like a little chihuahua-type dog, they can put their head inside.

My dog will just open her mouth and let another dog just roll her head inside her mouth. No instincts. Yeah, it's crazy. It just wants it to play. It's just nuts that those used to be wolves. They've turned wolves into these little tiny things you could carry around.

I mean, in a thousand years, are they getting smarter the way humans are evolving? I wonder. That's a good question. I wonder. I mean, I think there would have to be a reason for them to get smarter. You know, some dogs are, like the dogs that are,

trained, like a Belgian Malamois, those are really smart dogs. You know, those are dog, military dogs. Yeah. Those dogs, you cannot just leave that dog alone. It's like a shepherd times 10. Yeah. They look like shepherd sort of, but those dogs, they're so intelligent. Yeah. You know, they are constantly scanning everything and looking for everything. They know when you're weird, they know everything. Right. Yeah. So those dogs have to be smart because they have jobs, you know. They use them like those are the dogs they sicked on like osama bin lavers crew you know they open the door and their breach dogs run in incredible yeah my dog central whim compared to all that so's mine she just wants to play yeah this is the only dogs that well i've had a couple dogs before like i had a

a dog that was a shibu enu mix and he was kind of a pussy um but and i had a mastiff before that but mostly i've had like big guard dogs right you know and these are the dogs of first dogs i've had that they're not guarding shit Marshall's not guarding They guard your emotions buddy They guard your emotions They're just sweet They're just sweet

They're just awesome to have It's like you just have love around you all the time And they're never in a bad mood There's never a day He's never had a bad day in his life Every day is a great day Every day he's happy

Even if you're not there? Well he gets sad if I'm not there for sure But like I pull out the ball It's always the same thing It's never like one day I'm like Maybe he's gonna get bored of this fucking ball Nope, I pull out that ball Oh, oh, the ball!

The ball's out! Let's go! Bouncing around, wagging his tail, jumping up. I got a ball that's got like the stick. Like, it's like a long curved stick so you can throw the ball further. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. And, you know, he just starts leaping up towards the stick. He gets so pumped.

I'm like, one day he's going to get bored of this. Nope. He's nine years old. He's never getting bored of it. When I come up to stairs, if she sees that I have my sneakers on, she starts stretching, like at a limer Let's go. Time to go. Yeah. Dogs are awesome. People that don't have them, I feel bad for them. Like you're missing a lot of love in your life. Especially like people that live alone. You know, it's like you're always have a friend. You always have someone you. I talk to my dog. Like I have conversations with him. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And does Marshall look you on the eyes when you're talking? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a real friend. Oh, he's like the most loving creature I've ever encountered. Do you tell the dog stuff you're talking? wouldn't tell your family or your friends. No. Sometimes I'm like, hey, Nipsey, man. I probably shouldn't have said that to us. She has emotional and like she knows when I'm happy, sad, nervous, sick. Mostly it's baby talk. Mostly he's like, oh, he's my buddy.

Yeah. He watches TV with me. He climbs up on the couch and sits on my lap. He puts his head on my lap. The best. Yeah. And when there's animals on TV, he parks his head up. Yeah.

You know, because it's a big TV. And so he's like, what the fuck? is that? Is that real? He has to... When Nipsey first came out from the desert, she was, you know, like six, seven-month-old, you know, puppy, but still a sizable dog, German Shepherd at six months.

It's already like a dog. And the old dog, which was all, you know, on her deathbed, but wise, street-wise, she was on the floor and the puppy was up on my bed. It was her first night in a home. And I put on TV. on house of cards. And it was this daunting,

kind of scary music. And the dog's just watching. And it's like a shadowy figure. It was Kevin Spacey coming down the hall, his character coming down the hall. And as this, like, man was revealed full screen on a big screen, Nipsey did a backflip, fell off the bed,

and ran and hit in the closet. And the old dog, Nata, was like, oh boy, she had to, like, pull herself up at her bad legs and go in the, closet and tell her to come back out. Listen, it's TV. It's almost time for spring break. So maybe you're headed to the beach or maybe you're taking the kids on a road trip or maybe

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slash Joe Rogan. How's the cards? What a fucking show that is. Oh, what a fucking show. They never should have done that last season. Once Kevin Spacey got canceled, they should have just canceled. It was done. Or, you know, not. Right. Such a good fucking show. That's a great show.

It's crazy. I saw him. He was in Israel doing some weird thing where he was like doing like a song and dance routine in a small club recently. Like he's been kind of reduced to doing that for money. Is that reduced or is that part of the comeback? You got to start. I don't know. I mean, it's something. I mean, I guess he's just making money. You know, he's completely bankrupt. He lost everything. It's crazy. Show business, it's that.

Well, it's not just show business, right? It's also, what did you do? You know, what did you get caught for? He got, you know, he was an old-school dick grabber. Those old-school guys. No one really likes that, getting their dick grab like that. Some gay guys do, I think. I think what he did probably worked on some guys.

You know what I'm saying? Right. Like, gay guys have a whole different way of interacting with each other that we don't have. But I think with Spacey, it was like, some of those fellows were young, and that's the problem. It's power, it's like in the gay community,

there's a lot of guys that think it's okay for young gay guys who are underage to hook up with older gay guys. It's like Milo Eunopoulos, remember him? He actually talked about that on my show. He was talking about when he was 14. He hooked up with this This older guy

And he's like Trust me I was the predator He was like saying that he was going after the guy I was like all right But it's different In their eyes I mean I'm just speaking for gay guys that I've talked to It's different in their eyes

Than you know an adult male And a young female Right You know But Kevin Spacey's a fucking Unbelievable actor That fucking house of cards Was so good

It was so good Such a good show. I'm glad it's still out there, you know, because it was so good. It made me miss and re-watch West Wing. That's how good it was. I haven't, I never watched that. I think I maybe watched one or two episodes. It's like an idealistic version of what politics could be. Right. Martin Sheen is like the president we wish we had. Like a really solid time ago, but he's also controversial. He's hiding a medical thing. It like we got way ahead of a lot of the modern day stories. They're like Biden.

Yeah. Yeah. And his wife's the doctor, so she's helping him. Well, we always have these idealistic ideas of who we want to be our leader. And the thing about the Kevin Spacey character is like, that's probably more realistic. Like that guy is more realistic. Well, as we get older, we understand you've got to be cutthroat to make it. There's got to be a certain killer instinct in a president.

You're also most likely deeply compromised by the time you get into office, which is the only way you navigate those worlds. Like everybody's compromised. Everybody's gone to that eyes wide shut party. Right. I couldn't get in just for the record. Yeah, me neither. I don't want to get in. I know.

That's a good thing. A dog can kind of save your career because, like, you get invited to some wild sex party. You be like, I got it. My dog's been waiting for me for five hours. Sorry, I can't go. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's better to just hang out with your dog. You'll have a better time and you won't feel gross in the morning, I guess.

But I think all those people are sociopaths. They probably don't even feel gross ever. I was out all weekend for the Fanatics Football stuff. Travis Scott's DJing, the 3 in the morning. What is the Fanatics football stuff? They had a flag football tournament in L.A. It was supposed to be in Riyadh, and they had to move it to L.A. Tom Brady and the Fanatics.

What's the Fanatics? It's like, I guess it's a branding company. They do all the jerseys. They do all the... Oh. Michael Rubin and Michael Ratner, two friends of mine did this flag football game. And I was just partying. I just took the weekend off and I'm like seeing all the football players and it was just

so much fun. And then just as the party's really getting hot, I'm like, I miss my dog. I'm going for it. Yeah, there's always this thing in the back of your head. Like, I've got to get home. He's been home alone for five hours. He's been home alone for six hours. I'm thinking about him.

He has to pee. He's a good boy. He's not going to pee in the house, but he's probably holding it in and upset. Yeah. And that's, like, people think, especially comics, you know, we want to be up late, getting drunk, fucking off, being retarded, doing drugs.

You know what you just want to get home. Yeah. Want to get home, chill out, relax, watch TV. I feel like if I had a dog when I was starting out in comedy, I would have been more disciplined. I would have been coming home instead of staying out all night. I kind of regret that a little bit. You regret staying out all night?

Well, I mean, you know, you know how it is. You do your set and you start hanging out in the club, in the comedy club, and drinking or eating or whatever. But there's a certain, I don't know, you go home and you're up earlier, you get more done the next day. Oh, absolutely. Well, it's just feel better. It's hard to leave when you're having fun.

You know, and it's also you feel like you're a part of a, a different society. Society of people don't have a regular job. You got freedom. You're your own boss. I grew up, I lost my parents as a teenager. So I live every, I live every day like I could die tomorrow. So I never want to leave. I have ultimate FOMO all the time. I never want to miss an event, a party. I went to the Super Bowl. I went to All-Star weekend. I want to go to the Grammys. I love life. I want to make the most out of it all the time. It worked. against me sometimes, I think. That's interesting, right?

It's the plus side of experiencing loss when you're young. You really want, you really relish life. You want to make the most out of it. You want to enjoy it while it's here. Yeah. Yeah. One of the things I say on my show is I learned early on human beings were made to mourn and move on. You can't mourn forever or a part of you dies, and that's not fair.

Right. So it gave me this sort of zest for live. You take that loss as a young person. You're afraid at any second, you know, it's hard to make long-term plans. Are your parents still alive? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's amazing, amazing blessing. And sometimes when you lose people young, you're afraid, you live in the constant fear that it's all going to fall apart.

Yeah, I've lost a lot of friends. Like, sometimes I look at my contact list when I get a new phone, you know, and you're swapping over contacts. And I'm like, oh, fuck. You know, I've got like 20 dead people in my contact list. Some of them I just keep in there, you know. I got old phones where, like, Bourdain was texting me. I just kept the phone. I'm like, I'm never throwing this phone away.

You know, a bunch of friends who just gone. I look at Bob Sagitt's texts all the time. I listen to Gilbert Godfrey's voicemails. Yeah, I know what you mean, yeah. It just brings me right back to them. Those two guys, those are two tough ones. Those are two really tough ones. There's that famous picture of me, Norm, Gilbert, and Bob that Adam EGat took at Jones Restaurant in Hollywood.

And I show that in my special, and I talk about each one, do like a tribute to Norm. I do a tribute to Gilbert, whose family is a big part of my family now. His kids are great kids. His daughter goes to school here in Texas in Austin. And there it is. There it is. and Bob, who just became a grandfather. So they left quite a legacy of those guys.

And I really loved them. And they would make me laugh. You know, I would just set them up and they would go. And I would laugh until I was dying laughing. Fucking Norm. What a legend. The king. He's such a great guy, too.

Yeah. He was so funny, too. And his clips, I don't know if it's my algorithm or what, but you would think Norm is making comedy content every day if you look to my algorithm. Well, mine too. I think a lot of people. So, like, people just share them because, you know, you had so many funny things to say about everything. And it's such a unique perspective, just an unusual state of mind.

Canadians. I have a theory that Canadians, I'm from New Jersey. So I feel like New Jersey, I grew up as an outsider to New York. We had a route for New York sports teams. We had to listen to New York radio stations as a kid, TV stations, and Canada has that with America. Right. So I think they always feel like comedians feel like outsiders a little bit. I feel like Canadians kind of have that. Harland, he's Canadian. I mean, Canadian comedians, you could go all day.

Tom Green. Yeah. Jim Carrey. A lot of Canadians. Caroline Ray. And a lot more. John Candy, right? Yeah, John Candy was a Canadian

Yeah Martin Short Was he? Is he? He is. I think so He's still with us Those SCTV people That's right Yeah

Martin Short is He had a rough month He lost to somebody very close to him But he's still one of the funniest people in the world Oh he was brilliant All his fucking crazy characters Oh my God That's what a birthday party was

It was like Paul Rudd's 50th birthday party years ago. And I remember, I was like, let's do karaoke. And everybody wanted to start. Everybody was too, like, shy to do karaoke first. And Martin Short walked up to the mic, belted out like a Sinatra song, dropped the mic, and walked out to the valet and left. Just like kicked it off and went.

Fly me to the moon. And he was gone. It's weird when you get older and you realize how many guys. have passed like patrice comes up in my algorithm all the time and you know you just watch old clips i went on a binge a few months back of him on opium anthony yeah just fuck ruthless he would have been the number one podcast in the world if he was alive today patrice yeah if he had a podcast because he probably would have he probably i mean it's a perfect normal transition from opi

and anthony to podcast right he would uh he would probably had the best podcast in the world world. Except the guests would never get to talk at all. Yeah, it wouldn't matter. He would be dressing him down. He always had the funniest thing. Patrice's greatness at the Charlie Sheen roast I always talk about. Oh, yeah.

He went on last, and he was like, we booked him late. He never wanted to do a roast. And he said, I don't know this one. I don't know that one. And finally I called him one day. I go, we're roasting Charlie Sheen. He goes, oh. he goes I don't know Charlie Sheen but I think I could do that I go you know him you don't know him

but you know what do you know and he goes all right I'm coming he dresses total rock star like a leather suit like this whole like fantasy Patrice in his head and then the day of the show he's like complaining about his material he's like I don't know all these writers they don't know me this isn't me blah blah I go Patrice fuck all that pay attention and roast the roast. Just roast the roast. Make mental notes, clock it all,

let them see you taking it in and then just go on and talk about what you just saw. And that's what he did. No, it was brilliant. Did you see Charlie Sheen's Netflix documentary? I have it.

It's fucking great, man. It's crazy. It's crazy. Like, he talks about everything. He talks about the first time he smoked crack. A girl's giving him a blowjob when he smoked crack.

How else he's supposed to do it? He said it's the best experience he's ever had. He says he's never topped it. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Makes you want to try it. Makes you like think maybe. He was a fascinating guest too having him in here. It's like that guy's been through so much shit and he's okay. You know, it's like how is he alive? You know? Some people are just different, right? Tiger blood. I was on tour with him that whole time. That's right. That's right. You were doing that thing with him. So what happened was when he got kicked off

a two and a half man and he went kind of kooky, he decided to do this whirlwind tour. And the first one he did he tried to go and just wing it. Torpedo of truth. Yeah. That's what he called it. The winging it one did not work. No. But then when he started doing it with you and he did it with Russell, Russell Peters did a bunch

of them with him. With comics, it actually worked. Because he would have someone to bounce stuff off of and they knew how to be entertaining and keep the flow going. Right. Yeah.

And then you got into those stories and it was amazing. Yeah. It totally turned around. The first one I did was an Atlantic City and he called me the night before. And I was in L.A. at a party. And everyone was like, yeah, yeah, go do it. Go do it. So I caught a like 6 a.m.

He called you the night before. What did he say? He's like, my shows aren't going good. I didn't know him. He goes, you know, like all these different people keep telling me, Simon Rex, you know, other friends of his kept saying, Jeff Ross could come out and roast you and save this. So I just wrote jokes all night, you know, left the party,

wrote jokes, called a 6 a.m. flu. I walk into his dressing room like an hour before. Chuck Zito is literally staring me down going, don't be too mean to my guy. You know, like, they're just trying to scare me. And I'm like, I'm here to like, I'm a comedian, you know. And Charlie was really cool. And I told his road manager, he goes,

What do you need? I go, I need a podium to roll out, because big arenas. I want to make it like a show. And I need a hazmat suit, because he'd been bombing for like a week every single night. I'm going to come out. I go, I heard there's a bomb scare. I roll out. It's Jersey, so it's my crowd.

And I just start roasting him. And it went well. And I was like, if you're winning, because he's always like, winning, winning. I'm like, if you're winning, something's wrong with the fucking scoreboard. Old Jeff with hair, duh, winning. Look at that. Boy, he looks so skinny. Ooh, that's a look of a guy who does Coke.

Look how ripped he is. Jesus. Oh, man, he was up all night. We had, he was like. So he was still partying hard back then. You know, it's hard to say. Had to be. He didn't let me see that side of it.

I'm sure he was. There's no chance he was clean. A warlock. Oh, that's right. He was a warlock. A warlock with tiger blood. Right. Violent Torpedo of Truth Tour

kicks off in Detroit. TV star is booed off stage. Yeah. So then after that, they kept calling and going, you do this date and you do that date. It was like more money than I'd ever made it for a one-nighter, so I just started getting on the bus and the plane with him.

How many dates do you guys do? I wind up doing eight. And Russell, how many did he do? I don't know. I don't know. So he just had different comics. Who else did it? I don't remember anyone else but me.

So that's news to me that Russell did. Yeah, Russell did a few. At least one I know of. There might have been some in Canada I didn't do. Well, Russell's really good off the cuff. You know, Russell's great work in the crowd. I think Russell interviewed him. I think Russell, like you said.

That's how he did it? Yeah, I think that's how he did it. Because now it occurs to me that he had interviewers on some of them. And he had a radio guy, and I think maybe Russell might have done a Canadian days. That's a smart way to do it. Have someone who's smart and quick just interview. that stories are so bananas. All you need is the stories.

And he was so open about stuff, talking about how much crack you would smoke. Oh, yeah. You know, it was just so insane. And everybody was so happy that someone was, instead of hiding from the fact that they fucked their life up, they were, like, celebrating that they were off the rails.

And everyone was like, yeah, tiger blood. I remember even Diego Sanchez, who was fighting in the UFC, was saying he had tiger blood. that's how popular it was getting yeah he was he was a thing yeah it was a thing but it was a new thing right it was a movie star who'd gone off the rails

and was like celebrating it and being open and honest interviews about prostitutes cocaine chaos everything all the above it was a totally new experience for the general public because before if someone had an addiction problem it was like oh so sad right He was doing Coke and, you know, my life had fallen apart and then I found Jesus. You know, it's like, oh, he's one of those things.

He wasn't on an apology to her. He went on a fuck you to him. Yeah, 100%. And no one had ever done that before. No one had ever done a fuck you to her before. I mean, it was a little ill-advised the first ones, you know, when he went on by himself. Like, that was a terrible idea. Right.

You can't just wing it. And when you're on Coke, you think you could do anything, you know? Or he would take questions, but there's 15,000 people yelling. at them. Right. If you're going to take questions, it would have to be a person who's a moderator who has a microphone and talks to another person and is there so they can keep it from going off the rails and in a line of people. You can't just have people yelling out things in the audience. One night, one night somebody wanted his money back and he brought the guy up and gave him his money back and then of course like 400 people stood up like, I want my money. Oh no. He would get in a, he would

hear the audience too much. Yeah. Well, no experience with that kind of stuff. Right. If you think you could just do live audience and deal with 15,000 people's different personalities, then you don't know what that's like. Right. Good luck. No, we wound up doing eight shows and I would always roast them.

So by the eighth show, I had 20 minutes of Charlie Sheen material. Every city I'd add jokes. So that's when I was like, why don't we just do this on TV? I mean, we have the roast and then we did the Comedy Central roast. Nice. Patrice and all that. And Mike Tyson was at that one. It's a really interesting career arc with him.

Well, if you know his story, he was on the set of Apocalypse now with his father when he was 10. Right. And then 10 years later, he was doing, what was the fucking movie? His fucking big war movie. Jesus Christ. Platoon. Platoon. He was doing Platoon when he was 20.

Yeah. Which is nuts. Ten years later. Yeah. I mean, he's doing the next iconic war movie. Right. And he's a 20-year-old kid. And then all of a sudden he's a fucking superstar.

Right. He was great in that movie. And he's just off the rails. Just like no restrictions. He's rich. He's young. He's handsome. He's just going crazy.

Doing drugs. But he made it through it all. That's what's nuts. I've got to check that doc out. It's great. He's a great interview, too. Like having him on the podcast was fucking great. He's a really nice guy.

He's very cool and honest about it all. Oh, yeah. And he's also like, hey, you know, I can still act. Like, how about I've fucking paid my dues? I've been sober for seven years. Like, give me a shot. Yeah.

He can still act. He's a good actor. I hope someone does do something like that. Because I feel like if one big movie came along, like maybe Tarantino could put him in because he's the master of, like, reviving careers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What he did with Travolta and Pulp Fiction. Pulp Fiction, like, Travolta was dead on the operating table in his career before Pulp Fiction.

Pope Fiction. came along and boom he's back because they realized like oh shit john travolta john travolta can fucking act and that that role was perfect for him vince he played this crazy hit man with samuel jackson the best fucking what a movie i watch it all the time yeah it completely revived his career yeah he's the like quentin tarentino was like the master of seeing things that other people don't see you know he's like that guy's still great yeah and i think that's like the case with charlie Like someone's got to come along and see and just go, I just need to get him a role

where he just can really sink his teeth into it and he'll fucking kill it. Especially now at this stage of his life where he knows how important it is, he'll throw himself into it. Right. It'd be fucking amazing. Well, like some people don't act for a long time

and then look what Sean Penn just did. And he came back after God knows how long and just did this totally iconic, unrecognizable, strange character. I didn't see that movie. I've heard all these mixed reviews. Whatever. It's interesting to see Sean's take on this soldier.

Look, Sean Penn's out of his fucking mind, but that's the kind of guy that makes a great actor. He's a great actor. He's a great actor. Ditch the Oscars to go see. Yeah. Go to Ukraine. It's so cool. Go hang out.

Go hang out with my boy Zelensky. Do Coke. That pure Russian Coke. I like how you think that's what they were doing. That's great. I'm just guessing. I'm just taking a wild guess. But that guy, I mean, how about him?

Like, goes and fucking meets the drug lord. What's his name? What's wrong with my brain today, Jamie? What the fuck's his name? The dude he met in Mexico. The guy who got arrested? El Chapo. Thank you.

Went down and met Al Chapo, and that's how El Chapo and that's how El Chapo wound up getting arrested. Right. He wanted to meet Sean Penn. He's like, all right. He wrote an article for, like, Rolling Stone. He, like, was a journalist. Right.

I remember. I mean, like, who, what fucking movie star goes down and meets El Chapo? By the way, that shirt, Connor McGregor bought a shirt that's like exactly like that shirt and recreated that pose with, I forget who he shook hands with, but it was like this funny inside joke that a lot of people didn't catch. It's like, why is he wearing that shirt? And people realize, oh, my God, he's wearing the El Chapo shirt.

Oh, my God. He bought a similar shirt. He's like literally doing that. Oh my gosh. So silly. He dressed as gangster El Chapo. He's literally doing the thing. But he did it on purpose.

Nuts. I mean, it takes insane balls to be a world famous actor and decide I'm going to go meet a drug lord in Mexico and write an article for Rolling Stone. He's an adventurer, I guess. Acting is a part of him, not all of them. I mean, he must be. He's in fucking Ukraine. Like, what does he do? I remember being at a party, Eddie Vedder's birthday party,

and Sean Penn walked in with Stormy Daniels. Like, he has friends from the most diverse places. That's funny. Zelensky, Stormy. Have you seen Kyle Donegan's face swap things with Trump and Stormy Daniels? Oh, my God. They're so funny. So funny.

Kyle Donegan. He's another guy that got revived by Kill Tony, or like really got the world got to see him like we did we covered his face swap videos a bunch of times on the podcast and blew them up but to see him as these

characters like when he plays RFK junior when he plays Elon like that is what really like kicked off Kyle's career you know his RFK is so good so fun is Elon so good that's when he first started doing the face swap

this is the best my text change always sharing his stuff. Is Bill Maher? His Bill Maher is amazing. You know, I tried to play... Because his jokes are funny about it. I try to play the Bill Maher impression with Bill Maher when he's in here.

He goes, if you play it, I'll leave. Why does he care? I don't know. Because he doesn't hang out with comics enough. He's out there doing his show, hanging out with political people, being all serious. It's like you kind of forget. He just wants to be a...

What do you call it? A contrarian. I was on his podcast. And like, he literally... He just wanted to fight a... about anything. I go, the Ramones are great. He's like, no, they're not. I'm like, all right. All right. Is it rock and roll high school is not great? Come on, son. The look, the crazy hair. All of it. The Ramones is one of the greatest. The Ramones ruled. They were ruled.

They were ruled. They were out a song over two minutes and five seconds. How could you say they're not great? It's nice to go see them in college, man. You don't have to like it. You got to admit there's a reason why people love them. Right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, man. People are so weird when they want to say something sucks. Like I was having an argument with someone there's like Taylor Swift's all dumb music. I go, no, it's not.

It's not. She's got some great songs. No body, no crimes. A great fucking song. By the way, I respect anybody who writes their own music and produces their own music. Also, it's like, do you think you're smarter than everybody who loves her? Like, she's literally got more fans than anybody alive. And you think they're all wrong?

That's kind of crazy. Like you just you don't have to like it You don't have to like it But there's there's like people have closed minds I met her to Oscars party last weekend And she introduced her I was talking to Travis She was I was talking to Travis for a few minutes

And she said hi I'm telling her you know I was a little starstruck Because I don't know Musicians are the last thing for me Like I really respect And she was super cool man And she was really cool actually And I told her that I went to her era show

And she said she said she watches The roasts and... Oh, that's funny. It was pretty cool, actually. That's awesome. I wonder when they make love if they wear helmets, those two. Why do you think they wear helmets?

I'm just saying. It's got to be wild. Travis and Taylor. I mean, it's all sweet and passionate. Maybe. I hope so. That's what I think. You have your fantasies.

I have mine. Shoulder pads, cleats. Yeah. Going for it on Astro Turtles. He's a nice guy. Has he been in here? No, never met him. He'd be a good.

Good dude? Yeah. It's interesting when people are public, like a public relationship like that, two super famous people. It's like that's a lot of pressure. And then you're putting it all out there in the world and like everybody's judging you. It's hard enough to keep a relationship together. But keep a relationship together when you have to field everyone's opinions of you. Especially like Taylor Swift because how many fucking songs does she have about ex-boyfriends? Right. It's like, geez, if you break up with her, the fucking disc track of the universe is coming your way. Yeah, right. Kendrick Drake, fuck that. Just don't break up with Taylor. Exactly. Yeah.

But it's just like you're doing it in front of the world, and you're inviting all of the shittiest people in the world to have their opinions about you. It's like, bleh. It's a lot of pressure. Look at freaking Timberlake this weekend. That really pissed me off. What happened? They released a two- or three-year-old video of him getting a DUI. Yeah, oh, I did see that.

Why does that need to be out there? Why does that... How is that a legal thing to take like a video of someone being arrested? Like, why is that? Because he's a public figure. Why isn't that private? I don't understand. And there was nothing outrageous about it.

He didn't... Hasling this guy and bringing up old news. It really bugged me. I mean, there was nothing outrageous about it. I mean, he was very calm and relaxed. And, you know, they arrested him for DUI. They asked him a few questions. There was nothing about it that was, you know, like, oh, look at Justin Timberlake.

He's off the rails. He's acting crazy. It was like he had a few drinks. Probably shouldn't have drove, drove, got caught. That's it. Right. It happens a lot of people. Yeah.

And whatever, just because he's famous or whatever. He wasn't acting like an asshole. He didn't do anything terrible. And, you know, and everybody wants like, oh, look at him. You got caught. Right. You have so much money and you still got caught. But, you know, obviously get a driver, dude.

You know, you're going to get drunk. Right. It's not that hard. He's tooling around the Hamptons. They thought he was fine. Yeah, that's probably it, right? That's where all the rich people drink a drive. I don't get having to torture somebody by releasing the video.

Well, I mean, all he has to do is just not be online for a few days and it'll go away. But it's like, why is it okay to release that? Why is that a public record thing? Unless there's, like, some... Even if there's a case, that should be something that gets released in court. No, they release it as a public information. What? Right.

Why? I don't know. Why? Because he sings? Because we live in a cruel fucking world. That's why. Yeah. We live in a place where people enjoy cruelty.

They enjoy, well, it's like you look at him, you know, he's like super famous, married to. What's her name? Was he married to? Jessica Beal? Beautiful woman. Yeah. Right? He's got this perfect life.

He's rich. He's famous. He can dance. He can sing. He's tall. He's handsome. He's a star when he was young. Fuck that guy. You know, that's how everybody is. Like, oh, lucky he was drunk. Yeah, yeah. Bitch, you've been drunk before two. Shut the fuck up. Right. And if you haven't, fuck you. If you've never been drunk, fuck you. Unless, like, your dad was an alcoholic and, you know, understanding circumstances. But it's like, why is that something that people are in? I saw it. It came across my, uh, my news feed. And I looked at it for a few seconds. I was like, there's nothing outrageous about this.

Do you see Alan Richmond, though? No. The guy who plays Reacher. He beat the fuck out of some guy in front of some kids today. Oof. Yeah. Or yesterday? It was crazy.

That guy's a giant dude. You know that show, Reacher? Yeah, I heard of it. He's fucking huge and jacked. And he was riding dirt bikes and he got in some altercation with his neighbor and someone filmed it. And, you know, he's this hulking guy. I don't know what the circumstances were.

Maybe the guy deserved it. Maybe the guy was a piece of shit. Maybe the guy came after him first. But all you see in the video is him beating this guy up. And, you know, he's fucking this tank of a man. He's huge. He's like 250 pounds. And he's beating some guy's ass.

And then he gets back on his motorcycle. He's doing it in front of kids, too, which is kind of crazy. Violence. Well, it's also, it's like, why you, I don't know what happened. So I don't really want to comment on the extenuating circumstances. The TMV article. Right. He was pushed off the bike by the man.

Oh, the guy pushed him off the bike. Okay. Well, then that guy's just trying to get it. You want to see the video? Let's watch the video. So watch the video. So this is after he already beat the guy's ass. I don't know.

I'm not going to show it. So he's punching the dude. The other guy's a big guy too. He might have just had a dicky neighbor. Boy, neighbors and like, especially if you got a homeowners association, there's some fucking shitheads. So this guy So if the guy pushed him off the bike, I kind of understand.

The guy pushed him off the bike, he's lucky, that's all he did to him. This could be eight year olds. Yeah, those little kids. But those little kids that are there too, and he's yelling at him and pointing at him. But if he really did push him off the bike, that guy's a piece of shit. And he's lucky. And look, he's an idiot.

Because even after he beat his ass, he's still getting in his face. And he's still talking shit. Okay, well that's a different story. Well, that's good. That's good to know. Yeah, fuck that guy. You know, push someone off a bike.

And it's like, because the dirt bikes were loud and they're in the neighborhood. You know, turn your TV up. Shut the fuck. Right. People are just so into everybody's business. I've watched so many videos of homeowners associations, yelling at people for doing whatever, parking an old car in your driveway. Or just like, people always love to tell people what they can and can't do.

Right. I've had homeowners associations before. I don't know if you've ever dealt with that. It is a fucking nightmare. You have to sit down and talk to these dorks who tell you what you should and shouldn't do with your fence. Yeah. How high are your hedges?

Dude, I had a situation once where there was all these wrought iron fences in my neighborhood. And I repaired my fence and I replaced it with a different wrought iron fence. And they said, you can't have wrought iron fences. We have a new rule. It has to be a questering fence. But there's no consistency. I said the entire neighborhood has wrought iron fences. They said, it doesn't matter.

I said, well, let's go to court. I go, I don't give a fuck. I go, I'll sue you. I go, I have money. I go, let's go to court. I go, I'm not taking my fucking fence down. And they're like, you're going to take your fence down. I go, you're not going to tell me anything.

You're not going to tell me what to do. Just because I go, it looks great. It's not like it's a blight on the neighborhood. The house is beautiful. Shut the fuck up. And eventually I won. Did you have to sue? Well, I threatened to sue.

and they backed off because they were afraid of suing. They were afraid of lawsuits because then they would have to use the homeowners association funds to do this. And it didn't make any sense. Like I talked to a lawyer about it. I said, does this make any sense? He goes, no, there's a precedent in the neighborhood. Like every third house had wrought iron fencing. And it wasn't like it wasn't good looking.

Like it was beautiful. It was new. It was clean. I had a reputable company build it. There's nothing wrong with it. And I was replacing wrought iron fence with more wrought iron fence. It was just better. It was like the fence was broken.

It looked shitty. It was like, you know, they get rusty where they connect. And I had to get it replaced. So what on earth was their problem? Just cunts. Cunts. This is how cunty they are. I had a neighbor who lived across the street.

He told me that I had to trim my trees and thin them out so that he could see the view in the distance. And I said, what are you talking about? And he said, we have a regulation that says you can't obstruct the view. I go, these trees have been here for 50 years. And then I talked to the guy who sold me in the house. He's like, that asshole was trying to do that with me too. Just tell him to fuck himself. Yeah.

He's just a weird guy. He built an observation deck at the top of his hill in his backyard so he could see like the lights of the city in the distance. And he wanted you to cut your trees down. So you're obstructing the view. I go, your house is obstructing my view of this hill. I like to look at hills. Is that what we're going to do?

Take your house down. You take your house down. I'll trim the trees. Fuck you, man. Tell me to lift his house up. He's like, oh, so it's going to be like that. I go, going to be like what? You want me to cut trees down so you can see, like, you don't have a view, man.

You're not on the edge of the hill. You're back set. This is what the view looks like from where you are. This house has been here before your house was there. Go eat shit. But it's like... You could have asked nice, and maybe you would have done something. I wouldn't have done a fucking thing.

It's not a... It didn't make any sense. It's just people want to tell people what to do. Like I was reading this. article where this homeowners association hired a tow company to go around the neighborhood and tow all the cars that had expired tags. Can you imagine? Like, you know, your tags expired?

Like, ah, fuck, I'll get to it. I'm busy. I'll get to it next week. You know, you're just running around. And then all of a sudden, they tow your car. Like, fuck you, man. Like, fuck you. It's just people love to tell other people what to do.

And homeowners associations, when they get power, they become. come like the little hall monitors of the neighborhood. You know, your grass is unruly. You, it's supposed to be two inches. It's four. Like, ugh. Just people. People love to do that.

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This winter, Stay warm. Tap the banner to order your groceries online at walla.com. Enjoy in-store prices without leaving your home. You'll find the same regular prices online as in-store. Many promotions are available both in-store and online, though some may vary. I have one neighbor who kind of runs the whole block. She puts everyone on an email chain, and she's pretty, she leads with love, but she looks out for everybody. Well, as long as some, looking out is not bad. It's just like nonsense. Like the guy who wants to. He wanted me to trim the trees. He wanted me to thin out my tree. You want me to chop the trees down? He goes, no, I just want you to thin them out.

You can thin them out. I go, what are you talking about? Chop all the leaves off so that you could see lights in the distance? It was like the dumbest conversation. And he realized while we're in the middle of the conversation how dumb this is. Right. And then we never talked again. And I would see him occasionally.

Isn't there a safety issue with trimming your trees, like thinning them out? Fire? Well, I mean, where we were. there was, the real issue is brush. The real issue is the ground, you know, dried brush on the ground. We were evacuated from where I lived three times from fires. Down here? No, this is in California.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I lived in California, the last big fire in 2018, we lost three houses in front of our house. And my neighbor's house caught on fire. But I had one, my crazy friend Bud would not leave the neighborhood. They evacuated the whole neighborhood. He wouldn't leave. He's like, I'm staying. He's staying.

I'm going to save my house. I'm going to save other people's houses. And he fucking did. He saved his house. He saved my neighbor's house. He checked my neighbor's house. My roof, the roof is on fire. He got water on it.

He called the fire department. There was fire departments that were like trying to put out fires in the neighborhood the moment they started. And they hosed his roof down. Because embers will fly and they land. No, I had it in L.A. I had to evacuate for one day. It's spooky, man. It's the fires in California are no joke, man.

It's really weird to see when it happens because you realize how nature is completely in control when that happens. You're just this storm of flames that comes over the hills. It's wild. It's wild and it cannot be controlled. And once it starts, it's just a matter of trying to contain it and a certain amount of houses are just going to go no matter what, depending on which way the wind blows.

But that wasn't what the problem was. This guy was just a cunt. Justish. It's a homeowners association thing. It's just like people that think they, like, there was a, we, I'm still a part of this email group that, you know, I'm still on the email of the Homeowner Association. Yeah. One of the guys poisoned one of the people in the homeowners association's dogs. Yeah.

Like, they got in some sort of a dispute about something. Wow. This guy poisoned his fucking dogs. Wow. Yeah. You're an evil cock sucker. Wow. But it's like that kind of thing.

It's these people that just want to control their neighbors, man. It's so weird. Like, one of my neighbors... What's the punishment for that? He should be shot. You fucking piece of shit. That's like killing a family member. He should have to eat whatever he gave those dogs.

You should go to jail, for sure. I don't know what happened. I don't know if they caught the guy. I don't think they know exactly who did it. They had no video evidence. The person who lived there apparently didn't have good security cameras. But there's just so weird. They would get mad at someone for the way they designed their house.

And I was like, what do you give a fuck? And he's like, this is like one of my neighbors built a house. And my other neighbor go, what do you think about his house? I go, it's a house. Like, I don't care. And he's like, I think it's ugly. And this house is going to lower our property values. I go, what are you fucking talking about?

Your house looks great. You have a beautiful house. You think people are going to pay less for your house because this house is boring? Like, this doesn't make any sense. But it's just people, they nitpick. When they have control, when people have control over other people's situation, like they don't have control over their own life and their life is just a sloppy mess. They always like to look at other people's lives and I don't like where he puts his dumpsters. It's a hater.

Yeah. We all confront that all the time. It's not just a hater. It's a hater with power because of homeowners associations. And from that moment on, I decided I will never buy a home with a homeowners association. Never. No fucking chance. I don't care how cool they are

because someone not cool could move in and then it becomes a nightmare, I will never have conversations to those kind of people where they tell you what you could do with your lawn. Like, fuck you. Yeah.

Fuck you. When I was a young comic, I lived with my grandfather in the house that I grew up in and we would never, ever, ever mow the lawn. We just didn't have any money. We didn't care. And everyone in our neighborhood

just hated us. They would heckle us and yell at us. So I guess I've been the eyesore. and now I'm on the other side of it. My grandfather lived in the same house that he bought in the 1940s. And when he bought it in the 1940s, this was in,

it was in all Italian neighborhood in Newark. And then they started doing, you were born in Newark? New Jersey. No shit. What's up, boy? Let's go.

That's where I learned karate. Is that really? From detectives in Newark. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah, people don't know. You're a black belt and taekwine down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's wild. Do you still do it at all? I mean, I work out, like, you know, not with people, but I know my moves, and I do a few in the new Netflix special. I throw some kicks for fun and tell the story about getting a black belt starting at six, getting bullied. My mom dragging me to the house of empty hands. That was what it was called. Ronnie Roselli, Newark Detective, teacher me karate, almost like a father figure. Oh, that's awesome.

It gave me confidence, gave me self-respect, respect for others. taught me that hard work pays off. You know, when you get a black belt at 10 and a half, you go, wow, maybe I could be something in my life. If I work as hard as I did at that, maybe I could be good at something else too. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it teaches you a lot about, like,

the belt system is really good because you get rewarded for your work and then you see, like, a tangible result. Instead of just like, oh, I'm getting better, it's like, oh, there's like a ceremony. Like, I've reached a new level. Yeah. Like, now, you know, now I have to be.

Some of my most cherished memories are those ceremonies of my dad and mom watching me get my brown bell, bluebell, brown bell, and black belt, competing in tournaments all over the East Coast. Isn't that awesome? What was his name, Gary? There's this karate guy I used to throw. Gary Alexander, he threw East Coast tournaments, and I used to compete. I still have a room half a dozen karate trophies. That's awesome. It's the best time of my life.

I lost most of my stuff, but I do have a bunch of medals that I still have that are in my drawer. by my bed, a bunch of metals from the day. But it seems weird when I pick them up. They don't even seem real. It's from another life. Oh, it's another life. Like, I don't even, until I, like, hit a bag or something like that, I almost forget that I could do it, you know? And then I do it.

I'm like, ooh. Right. Still got it. I like, my kicks, I can front snap kick. I can't sidekick. I can barely roundhouse at this point. But it's like. Why not?

I got a belly. I've I've, I've, I've, there's no real good reason other than I'm just, you know.

You ever thought about like starting to take classes again? If I, if I, I do think about it. I probably could. Yeah.

You know, you're good at kick it of pushing me to do stuff like that. It'd be good for your health. Just take a class a couple times a week. What would I take?

If I was a black belt and taekwondo. Take takwondo. Just start taking that again. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're doing it for exercise.

It's not like you're going to fight in the UFC. No. Just go and, start, you know, you'd probably feel it a little bit, and then you remember what you used to be able to do, and so your muscle memory would kick in. Yeah.

You'd start probably watching your diet a little bit better. Right, right, right. Drinking more water. Yeah, taking vitamins. Then next thing you know, four or five months have gone by, and now your waist is thinner. Your kicks are snappier. You're going to three classes a week instead of two, you know?

You feel better. People go, Jeff, look at you. You're looking great. Like, yeah, I started taking Taekwondo again. Yeah, it's not a bad idea. I guess I wouldn't wear my black belt. I would feel like I was disrespecting the art. Yeah.

So I'd have to re-earn that. Well, you could always take a totally new style and start out as a white belt. You know, you take like Kiochishin. So shirt I'm wearing right now, George St. Pierre. Take something else. Take something near you. Like, Krav Maga. Like, take anything.

My manager, Amy, told me she was your publicist when you were. on the cover of Black Belt magazine. Oh, yeah. A's V. Yeah. Yeah, way back in the Dizzy. I love that. That's so funny.

Yeah. I mean, I never stopped working out. I just don't, it's too much of a part of my brain. Like, my mind doesn't operate well if I have days. Even if I just take a couple days off, I don't feel right. I feel squirrely. I feel like I'm not balanced, you know? Sometimes I just like the stand.

in front of a mirror and just throw blocks and just make sure that I like the way that it feels just do it it's meditative yeah yeah you know what I used to love doing especially when I live in california I take a couple bong hits and just hit the bag and just like feel it just just whu just start feeling it just womp I remember my codice do you do you remember all those I remember at least the first two I think got I used to hate those things I didn't think I was young and immature and I didn't understand the value of forms. I used to think that this is pointless. This isn't fighting. I only wanted to practice fighting technique. But now I understand. It's, it teaches you body control. Like, you know, you throw a sidekick and you snap it up in the air and

you hold it and you turn and block and all that stuff. Like it teaches you body. It's like a, almost like a form of yoga, you know, and it teaches you to control your body. I do a lot of kicks in the air now and I do them slowly. Like I, and it, it's really good for your control and your balance. And I didn't think that when I was younger. I thought that was like a waste of time. I thought like really what's important is like hitting things really hard and being fast.

And now I realize like, no, no, no, no. There's like a lot of value, even to help your techniques and to be able to hit things hard, like do it slowly and just have full control of your balance and your movement. So I like to do that. I like to do like slow kicks. I like yoga. That's why I like yoga. Yoga's amazing.

Yeah. I feel like that's akin to martial arts. It makes me high. Yoga is like the best high. You take your shoes off. Oh, yeah. Your phone is gone. You're so relaxed.

It's just about your body and control. You're so calm. Yeah. Yeah. Yoga's so good for your brain. Usually on Mondays, when I'm here, I would go with Tony to his high yoga. Yeah.

Oh, Tony loves it. Yeah. He raves about his yoga. He told me he's been off it a little bit. He has. Yeah. Well, you know, the thing about Tony is like he's so focused on kill Tony right now because the momentum is so extraordinary and he realizes that.

Like Tony's really aware that he's in a very rare moment in his life. Yeah. Where things are going so well. So he's got his foot on the gas. Yeah, of course. And he's got his new special that he filmed that he's editing right now and get ready to release. And he's so proud of him, man. And he's earned it.

I always told him he would take a different path than a normal entertainer. He always had this kind of odd trajectory. Well, he's an odd guy. Yeah. You know, Tony, you'd swear he's gay and he's not. But he's an awesome person. Like, people who don't know Tony, they see, like, the outside of him. Like, as a friend, he's a great friend.

He's a great guy. I love that guy. He's the best. He was so happy. He was the first one to text to me when I knew I was coming down here. When I was workshopping my show, he came, saw it in Austin, came to the opening night on Broadway. in New York. He's like there for his friends.

A hundred percent. Well, that's the beautiful thing about Kill Tony is it's all about supporting people and giving people careers. I mean, he's given so many people careers and pumps so many people up. I mean, he's really that thing, that Kill Tony thing is

also, it is, in my opinion, well, first of all, for our club, it's the cornerstone of the club. It's one of the most important things about the mothership because having killed Tony at the mothership, every Monday night, lets all these people that are upcoming comedians see what it's like to have one minute that you've polished and worked on really well and it kills. And then you pop and then all of a sudden,

you know, it's on YouTube. It's got 11 million views. And then, you know, maybe it's on Netflix and it's got millions and millions of people watching all around the world. And then all of a sudden people come to see you in the clubs and you're selling out weekends and you're writing. And then you get a golden ticket. You got to do a new minute every week. You're irregular. I mean, it's really... A new minute. My show comes on tonight. It's 90 minutes.

It might be the longest stand-up special in Netflix history. Well, your show is like a one-man show. 90 minutes. It's a little different, right? I haven't seen it, but I've heard great things. Yeah. You're going to love it. I'm sure I will.

You're really... I think you're going to like it because it's about us. It's about comedy and the community of what we do. It's an embattled community, and it has its, like, detractors, and it has a bunch of haters. and a bunch of shitheads in it. But for the most part, like as far as creative communities,

it's one of the most supportive communities ever. I mean, it's an amazing... The community of comics, like real comics, that when we meet up in clubs, it's always hug... People think, like, we're all, like, angry, bitter, like... No.

The opposite. The tears of a clown. It's not... There's a few people like that, and they always make me sad. But the reality is, like, most of us are super happy to see each other.

It's always hugs and laughing and watching each other sets and giving each other tags and telling each other like, oh, that fucking new bit is amazing. It's like, it's so supportive. You don't need AI agents, which may sound weird coming from service now, the leader in AI agents. The truth is, AI agents need you.

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and I want to give back to the community. Ooh, then it's the vacation of a lifetime. I wonder if my out of office has a forever setting. An IG Private Wealth advisor creates the clarity you need with plans that harmonize your business, your family, and your dreams. Get financial advice that puts you at the center. Find your advisor at IDPrivatewealth.com. I was at your club last night, and it was like, I like comics come in to say hi. I brought some extra chicken wings. Jamar was there.

It was just fun. Moses was doing roast battle. I sat in on that. Then I went outside, said hi to some people, and went upstairs and did a spot. It's like, it's fun. I don't have a wife and kids to go home to. This is what I do. This is the people that I love.

The comedians are my kids, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts, you know? Well, I do have a wife and kids, but it's still my other family. Yeah. It's like the family of comedians. It's like a band of brothers and sisters. It's like a weird kind of friendship that, you know, it's like only they know what you do. You know, only they understand that it's like 10 years before you. you're even any good.

Right. Ten years of being, like, if you're out there and you're headlining a club and you're on the road, like, you fucking put in that work. There's no shortcuts. It's impossible to have a shortcut. You just got to grind. I learned long, and I learned, though, over time, I don't want a shortcut. I like the process.

Yes. That's what I live for. Oh, yeah. You know, we have a roast coming up, May 10th. It's not about May 10th. It's about, I can't wait to hang in the writer's room. again. I can't wait to figure out who's coming. I can't wait to figure out the seating. Who are we going to make fun of? Who's going to be in the front? You know, what am I going to wear? It is the grind.

That's exciting. Yeah, there's no finish line. Right. The finish line doesn't exist. You'll have little finish lines like you do a special, like your special that's coming out. That's a finish line. But it's only a stop. Right. You're stopping to get water. But where is the finish line, Joe? Like, Okay, so I did the Broadway show. Then I shot it. Then I edited it. But now I'm here still talking about it. And then at a month from now, two months now, someone will stop me at the airport and go, hey, I was, my kid was sick.

I was in the hospital. I watched your thing and it made me laugh for five minutes when life was. So all of it is, there's no finish lines. No, there's no finish line. If you're sitting around going, I hope I win the Oscar. If you're, Tom Cruise is jealous of George Clooney and George Clooney is jealous. Tell us of Brad Pitt. There's no finish line.

There's no finish line. There's no finish line. It's all the, I have a big neon. Like you have the neon. I have a big neon in my house that just says enjoy the process. Yeah. That's where I'm at. Yeah.

Trust it. Trust the process and enjoy it. And that's the weird thing about when you release a special and then you have nothing. And then, you know, you have to like scour your brain for what you want to talk about. I took like a whole month off a stand up after my last special. I didn't do any standup. maybe more than a month. And I just thought, I said, let me just think.

Just like, no pressure. Let me just think. Like, what is interesting to me? What do I want to talk about? Instead of just rushing to try to put together a new hour. Right. Like, let me just think for a while. You know, and I'd come to the club every now and then and watch, watch guys do sets,

but I didn't do any sets for a while. I'm in that zone right now. It's nice. You know what? Scary. When I first finished the special, it was years of material building. with a through line and a story. And then when it was over,

I was a little bit lost. Like I'd go to the comedy cellar. I was still in New York. I couldn't let go of some of the... And I was like, I need to stop doing this material. And then I felt like I had no purpose. Like, I didn't want to talk about anything. And I said it to my buddy Kai and he goes,

dude, relax. You're between albums. Like he put it in musical sense for me. He's like, you're like a musician between albums. Absorbs some new things. See some movies. go on a trip, have some new life experiences. And then I was like, yeah, that's probably a break.

After doing the same thing, the same kind of hunk for years, your body, your brain, like, think about something else. Absorb new things, download new influences. And that's kind of where I'm at. And then, of course, Kevin was like, I'll get roasted. And I was like, all right, I can put standup away for another two months and just write that. Yeah. So I go back into roast mode, which gives me, I'm like,

Like a dog who needs a job. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's kind of the same thing as your dog. It really is. It's like you need a task. If you're just doing nothing, like the idea of like, oh, one day I'm going to retire and just relax.

Like, bitch, you'll go crazy. Forget. See, we're roasting Kevin Hart. That's what I heard. Are you supposed to say that, though? Yeah. Are you supposed to talk about it? I am.

Okay. You're allowed to? My show. Okay, because I was told not to tell people about it. We're doing it. May 10th, baby. Mother's Day, live on Netflix. So you're officially announcing it?

Yeah. Okay, I could talk about it now. At the forum. Because I was told about it, but I was told that was not supposed to tell anybody. I don't know who told you that. Some people. No. They said, keep it under wraps.

You like it? Oh, it's already a thing. Yeah, they announced it this weekend, I think. Oh, hosted by Shane Gillis. Let's fucking go. Nice. That's awesome. That's awesome.

Right? That's awesome. Kevin is so pumped up. That's awesome. That's going to be fun. Dude, he's out, you know, he's... These Netflix, fucking... The Tom Brady one was insane.

That was so good. That was so good. That's kind of like juiced comedy back up again because it was so wild. It was like the jokes were so wild. It was so raw. Yeah. And we had gone through this like weird period of like people getting canceled for jokes.

Right. You know, it's like all of a sudden like, no, that's out. That's gone. No, no. I said to him, I would, I've been being getting... game hunting, Tom Brady for years. It took a couple years. He retired, unretired, but I kept him on the line.

And finally, we were shooting promos, and I was like, why are you doing this? Because I could tell, you know, it's starting to heat up and some heavy hitters were signing on. I go, why are you doing that? Like, it wasn't for the money. And he goes, I want to bring comedy back. I'm sick of the woke bullshit and cancel. I want to make comedy, like, fun again.

He understood that. And I caught him. I caught him on a Super Bowl Sunday. He was playing the Super Bowl. And I saw him looking at some jokes on Instagram that I posted. And I'm like, this is where he goes to relax. He goes to the roast. And I'd heard that.

So as I was like, he won the game and I was like, I think it's time. And then we reeled him in and he did it. And I will admit that roast was harsher than I expect, even I expected. It was vicious. I mean, it was a bloodbath. And I saw Tom the other day, and I said, it's time to take your win. You know, he was like, it was so harsh. It was tough on my family.

I go, I get all that. But you wanted to do it to bring comedy back. You did that. 1.6 billion viewing minutes Emmy nominated against the Oscars and the grant, like the Super Bowl half. It was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix. Right. You know how nuts that is? Think about how many things are on Netflix.

That roast was the most watched thing in the history of Netflix. And it was because it was so funny. It wasn't just because it was Tom Brady, which of course made a lot. But it wasn't just because all these great comics were on it, which of course meant a lot. Right. It was it was so good. It was so good that people were telling people about it. Yeah.

And it's like a great Super Bowl. It's going to be around forever. Yes. Netflix leaves it up. Like the Charlie Sheen roast. We were talking about Patrice. Yeah. Yeah, they're always going to be there.

It's to be there forever. I do think, all respect to Tom, I do think this one with Kevin and Shane Gillis is going to top it. Really? I think it's not quite a sequel, but it's its own thing. It's going to be the greatest roast of all time. Netflix is the place for roast now because his greatest Comedy Central was, you had restrictions on language and content. Right. And it was editing.

Yes, edited. This is a... And commercials. Right. Yeah. Right. This is Buck Wild. Buck Wild.

Yeah, Netflix is fucking amazing. I mean, what are an insane platform that you have, you could never get bored. If you're bored in this life, like you're bored, you don't have anything to watch. Like, are you crazy? Yeah. There's so much shit to watch. Only boring people are bored, right? Yeah.

Or people are uninformed. But I mean, even in this day and age, you could just, you know, do an internet search. Like, what's the best roasts on Netflix? Right. What are the best dramas on Netflix? What are the best shows on Netflix? Right. There's always something.

That's exciting, though. That's going to be a big one. Yeah, Mother's Day. Motherfuckers Day. Kevin Hart, there's a guy like, I don't understand how he has the time to do all the things he does. I do not understand it. I'm a pretty busy person, and I look at people like him and I feel lazy. I'm like, how are you doing this?

Right. How do you have time to sleep? Right. And I saw him out with his wife having drinks two nights last weekend. He must sleep like four hours a night. I don't know how he does it. Some people just built different. Yeah, I mean, well, it's growing up poor and realizing that, like, once this is happening for you, like, keep your foot on the gas.

And that guy keeps his foot on the gas better than anybody. Yeah. And he's ambitious as fuck. He's always got, like, some tequila brand and releasing this. He had a vegan restaurant chain for a while. I would have talked him out of that. What fuck are you doing with that? Well, you know, he likes to branch out and be a businessman.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I just, I don't understand the time. And then in the meantime, he's doing arenas at the same time. And killing. Yeah, I don't get it. The roast for him is back to his roots. That's what I love about it.

It's like the Philly thing, talking shit. Shane's from Philly, so there'll be a big Philly angle. You know, and we got some of his oldest buddies coming on. It's going to be pretty massive, I think. That's nice. Yeah. Well, you've carved out an interesting path for yourself as the roast master. Yeah.

You know, like you're, it's like an old school skill, you know, that used to be a big part of comedy. You know, the Friars Club roasts. Yeah. I missed those Friars Club roasts when they were just like, you know, sometimes they weren't even on TV yet when I was doing them. I just bought a Leroy Neiman painting from, they had an auction of old friars memorabilia. And Leroy Neiman painted Henny Youngman surrounded and he painted his punch lines like around his one lineers around. around Henny holding his violin and he used to sit in the dining room

at the New York Friars and Henny in his wheelchair would sit under that painting and for some reason it's all up for auction so of course I had to grab it. Oh that's awesome. That's so cool that you got it. Yeah. That's amazing. I miss some of those guys. I think about Buddy Hackett. I almost wore a Buddy Hackett

T-shirt today. I loved Buddy Hackett. He has a Buddy Hackett t-shirt? Somebody made me a Buddy Hackett t-shirt and gave it to me. Yeah, those guys are from a different time, you know? different time no television no nothing doing the cat skills right different world they would do each other's acts they would do whatever got a laugh yeah they were assassins on the road it was a totally different life and then if you had a name like you had a name back then like if you were a famous comedian back then dude there was a rarest of rare things yeah how many of them were there there was like 10 right

you know shecky buddy nipsy they all kind of guys yeah yeah yeah yeah Few of those guys. They're not many left. No. They're really all gone now. Yeah. That's what happens. That's going to happen us, buddy.

That's what I hear. Better than the alternative. What? Stay around forever? No. You either keep going or you saw the picture. Gilbert, Norm, Bob, you know, the alternative is death. So when I go, I don't want to get old, I go, yeah, you want to get old.

Yeah. As long as you keep your body moving. You just don't want to be an old, like, completely incapacitated person. Like, that's, especially if it's avoidable. Right. You know what I mean? I went through it all year. I went in for three weeks after that Brady roast.

I had a went in for a colonoscopy. My buddy Jordan had been texting our text chain. Everyone's got to get, he's like kind of a hypochondriac, so I kind of ignored it. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was too busy. I was on the road. And then finally I went in for a routine. colonoscopy and I waited too long and they found a tumor in my colon and immediately that an hour

two hours later was on the phone with a surgeon and stage three and found a specialist took care of it right away but never felt doomed have you changed your diet after yeah i don't i'm eating a lot less red meat red meat now when i eat red meat it's like going to be the best red meat. Why is it red meat? I don't know. I mean, for me growing up in a catering hall in New Jersey around pastrami and prime rib and he said that that was a big

cause of colon cancer. Really? Yeah, and processed foods. Processed foods make sense. Yeah. That makes sense. So I'm eating a lot less of that. Yeah. I moved over to turkey and chicken and a little bit of fish. And cut out the process stuff? As much as I can. What about alcohol? Did you cut that out? I've never

been a big drinker. That's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's a little wake-up call. I mean, you have a health scare. Yeah. A little wake-up call. Time to take care of yourself.

I just had the, you know, talk about this in my show. Like, I had my chemo port in on Broadway on the show. And I was like, still kind of in it. It's like I was having a human experience on stage. And just two weeks ago, I had the chemo port taken out. My sister came down to celebrate and hang with me. and it's like a war prize. Like I hold the port where they put the chemo.

Like I have it on my desk now. And let's just say they put a lot more in people than they take out. So I feel very lucky. Survived at all. Yeah, I'm glad you're alive, dude. People die with those fucking ports in them. They do. Well, they die with cancer.

That's for damn short. Colon cancer is a very common one. This guy James Vanderbye, younger to me. I know. I met him. He was a nice fucking, guy man he came to the club hung out with his wife in the green room sweetest guy just such a nice guy and apparently he was struggling back then i didn't know he looked real thin you know so when you

asked me right when you walked in how are you doing i was like great you know like it was a it was a pointed question and you asked politely and innocently and i was like yeah i didn't know that you had gone through that yeah yeah guy i haven't seen you and when when was last time i saw you i saw you i saw you in D.C., I saw you in New York for Kill Tony Briefly. Yeah, yeah. We didn't like sit down And shoot the shit. We had a drink. Was it your birthday in New York when you were doing Kill Tony?

Or was it here? One of the... New York. It was August. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. But then I saw you in D.C. where you were your family. It was quick. But I see, I feel like I see you because I pop into the mothership but I always pop in on the weekends when you're off. Yeah. But, yeah, it was a crazy thing, man.

I never been sick a day of my life. I've always had that, like, my grandfather used to call it world-beater energy. Like, I always felt invincible, never thought for a second it would be me. And then I did wait too long to get a colonoscopy. And they're not a big deal. Like, guys are afraid of colonoscopies because... Because something's up your butt. Yeah, but in the end, it really isn't up your butt.

It's a doctor checking you out. You're out cold. That's what they tell you when you wake up. They go up your butt, bro. And get the endoscopy, especially for smokers and stuff like that. And like for what is essentially like a one-day inconvenience, they can really save your life. It did save my life. Well, I'm glad you cleaned up your diet.

Yeah. You got to do that because I know that you are, I mean, I've run into you at Cats Deli before, too. That's another thing I needed to talk to you about. What? I forgot all about this. until you brought it up. Do you remember running into me at Cat Custelli with Tony? Yeah.

I guess you must have been in town doing stand-up or something. This was like already 10 years ago. I don't think it was that long ago, was it? It was, and I'll tell you how I know. One of the things when I got booked on this appearance, I said, I make a mental note. I owe rogue and an apology. And it's not a big deal, but it always kind of bugged me.

I came in to say hi and I was self-conscious because I had something wrong with me and I didn't know what it was and you said what's what your eyebrows and I like

I like kind of shoulder shrugged and you were like is it for a roll and I was like yeah yeah yeah oh do you have any recollectioner I do and I lied yeah you said I shaved him off for a roll

I was like oh that's crazy What are you playing? I was embarrassed because I had alopecia. Didn't really understand what was happening to me yet. And I, you saw the, I had a big fro, big bushy eyebrows. I was like the propitia man of the year. And I don't know what causes it. It's an autoimmune thing.

It's not life-threatening. but suddenly I looked completely different. My fame, like if anyone ever recognized me, walking in a restaurant, you know, get a good table, skip the lot. It was all gone. Just suddenly, within a few weeks, I was, I remember being at Zanies in Nashville and just scratching my head and, like, a big clump of hair came out.

Then I was on a plane and I was like, there's no hair on my leg, what the fuck's going on? and then within a month me and Adam Eagat and Tony went to the barbershop on Melrose and they came with me because I was kind of like shaken up like what is happening to me

am I dying? So it happened really quickly? It happens all within a few weeks. All your hair fell off within a few weeks. And then when I thought it was done eyebrows started going and then eyelashes. So sweat and salt was like,

I was like, what the fuck? I didn't even recognize myself. Is there anything they do that reverses that? There's some medications. Dr. Drew actually hooked me up with a research doctor, Brett King. He was at Yale at the time in Connecticut, and I did have some restoration of eyelashes and eyebrows, but the side effects were a little bit scary.

and they lower your immune system a little bit. So I did that for years. And then when I got cancer, I was like, fuck those meds. I can't do it anymore. Right. And the chemo eyebrows, eyelashes, gone again. Wow. And now I'm literally like hairless.

Like I have no hair. And, you know, you learn to live with it. You know, you got to channel your inner rock star. Listen, there's worse things that can happen. Believe me, I get it. You know more than anybody. But it always dinged me because you and I have been friends a long time. We have an honest friendship, comics, brutal honesty, truth.

And I looked you right in the eyes and I was like, yeah, yeah, I went with it. I found out slightly after that that you had alopecia from other people because someone else brought it up and someone said, oh, he's going to got alopecia, I'm like, oh, I asked him at Cat's Deli. And he said he shaved his eyebrows off for a roll. But I just felt like you probably embarrassed, and I totally understood. Like, it's weird. Right. They say a lot of these autoimmune issues come from inflammation, and a lot of inflammation

comes from what you eat. Right. You know. The doctor would tell me that wasn't true, so. Yeah, doctors aren't always right. And one of the things they're not always right about is nutrition and the impact that nutrition has, particularly on autoimmune issues. Very few doctors.

have any knowledge or any education in nutrition and the impact it has. I mean, your entire body is built out of and reconstructed from what you consume. Right. It's the only thing that your body has. Right. In order to, your body makes new cells,

your body replenishes cells, recreates all the tissue. There's only one way to do it. It's got to be what you eat. Yeah. It's the only thing, what you drink, what you eat. That's it.

And if you're eating a bunch of processed stuff that has a bunch of bullshit and preservatives and... What causes you? dealing with inflammation. Well, there's a lot of things. Aligies cause inflammation. Process food cause inflammation.

Excess sugar causes inflammation. Alcohol. There's a lot of things that people eat that cause inflammation. But it's really genuinely a thing of a balance of, you know, your diet and, you know, what your body has to work with. You know, if your body doesn't have any nutrients to work with, no vitamins, no minerals, you know, you're dehydrated, you're drinking too much sugar. you know, things start malfunctioning and misfiring.

And then, you know, there's a bunch of different consequences for having high inflammation diet. And for a lot of people, it's sugar. Sugar is one of the leading causes of inflammation, especially in the standard American diet. Because the standard American diet is just riddled with excess sugar. Corn syrup and bullshit and preservatives. And your body just after a while just gets tired of processing. that stuff. And then you start encountering a bunch of issues. And I know there's a lot of autoimmune issues that people have had success in reversing by completely cutting out everything

other than whole foods. Just eating chicken and meat and vegetables and drinking water and that's it. Cutting out all the bullshit. Yeah, I got to do better. Have you ever getting blood work done? Well, now I have to do it all the time. Do you? Do you ever get blood work done from like a comprehensive laboratory that's looking at your nutrient levels and all those different things. I don't know if I've done that. We should do that. There's a place in town, waste well. I'll send you there.

Yeah. Yeah, they're really good. I mean, they do. They take a shitload of blood and they do these really comprehensive blood panels. They can scan for cancer too, by the way. Well, that I've done. Yeah, that's a big one, you know, because they can check for any kind of cancer in your body. Well, now that I'm through all that, I'm much more open to taking care of myself and

staying on it and the first time I did that is. The first time I did that one, I was like, cancer's a scary one. And I was like, boy, I hope I don't have cancer and I don't know about it. When it came out zero, I was like, whew. But I do so much to take care of myself. I do the sauna every day, cold plunge. I take a ton of vitamins. I'm always exercising.

I eat probably like 99% clean. Every now and then I'll fuck off. Or if my daughter makes cookies, I'll eat cookies. But for the most part, I give my body. She's really good. She makes a bunch of different stuff. Today was white chocolate chip cookies. They were really good.

I had one this morning. But for the most part, your body can only use what you put in it. There's no other building blocks. It doesn't have anything else. There's nothing else it can draw from. And that's one of the problems is when you don't give your body what it needs, it starts taking things out of the tissue. It starts taking things that's where osteoporosis comes from.

Your body starts literally taking calcium out of your bones. You know, you've got to give your body the building. blocks. Without that, it doesn't know what the fuck to do. And slowly but surely you start to deteriorate. You know, and there's a giant difference between giving your body a nutrient dense, healthy diet and not, you know, and taking care yourself and exercising and not, and drinking much water and electrolytes and not. There's a giant difference. And it's all, your body just cannot recreate itself correctly. It cannot build itself and repair itself correctly unless it gets the proper nutrients.

That's where a lot of people's issues come from. And doctors don't tell you that. Like, I had a family member that got real sick and the doctor said they got cancer and the doctor said it doesn't matter what you eat. I go, well, fuck that doctor. Right. That's not true. I don't believe that.

This doctor's telling you could eat cake and just take chemo and you'll be fine. That's horseshit. That's not true. That's not true because one of the things they should tell you immediately is get on a ketogenic diet. Because one of the things that has been proven is that cancer uses glucose to survive. And, you know, autophagy, which comes from fasting, is one of the best ways that people can get rid of errant cells and cells that are, you know, misfiring. Make your body burn off fat.

Use ketones for energy. And just get rid of all the dead cells. Give it over all the shit that your body doesn't need. And if you even if you want to do that, do intermittent fasting, you know, where you, you, only have a period of time where you eat like give yourself like a 16 hour window with no food and then start eating after that how do you keep your how do you not be cranky and lose your mind doing that because your body's relying on carbohydrates right so when your body is not relying on carbohydrates your body's burning off ketones you don't have that problem you don't have that crashing problem

the crashing problem is from a high carbohydrate diet and i've had that before look i'm italian so It's carbohydrates was my thing. You know, it was all about pasta, pizza. I love that stuff. I just love it. And that's my cheat food. If I'm going to cheat, I'm going to eat Italian subs and that kind of shit. But when your body gets accustomed to that, first of all, you get a big insulin spike.

You crash. You get exhausted. The way to avoid that is to get your body to start using fats. And the way your body uses fats is that's what you give for fuel. And your body adjusts. And then your body does something called gluten. neogenesis where it starts using meat and protein and turning that into glucose. And when you go through this process, it's a shaky process at first.

Like you get what they call the keto flu originally, initially rather, where you get tired all the time. You're like, oh, this is exhausting. And you work out suffer. It's like you have no energy. But eventually your body adapts and your body just gets accustomed to using fats. And when your body gets fat adapted, first of all, your brain works better. you get an extra gear in terms of like your ability to think and communicate.

And it just feels like you have more energy. You don't need naps and you don't crash after you eat. That's why when you're saying, like, you shouldn't eat red meat. I eat mostly red meat. That's like most of my diet. Right. That's like 80% of my diet is neat. Yeah, well, I mean, it's an addiction for me.

I don't think it's an addiction. I think it's the most nutrient dense food in the world. The problem is processed red meat, right? So if you're eating a bunch of processed shit that has a bunch of, of preservatives in it. Yeah, that's not good for you. But like a rib-eye steak, a grilled rib-eye steak, there is nothing wrong with that.

It's one of the most healthy foods you can eat. And it has everything you need. It has plenty of vitamins. It has fat. It has all the things that your body naturally knows how to process. And people have been eating that food from the beginning of time. Yeah, you just got to get educated in it. And it's like most people, especially particularly most doctors.

I've had conversations with doctors where they've said, you get everything you need from a balanced diet. And I'm like, fuck you. You don't know anything. Like, how much time did you spend in medical school learning nutrition? Was it even an hour? Was it a day? Right.

It takes a long time. And there's real researchers who have spent decades understanding the balance of nutrient-dense foods and vitamin supplementation and what vitamin supplementation can cure and fix and what it's good for and how to balance it out and what vitamins work synergistically with other vitamins. Like if you're taking vitamin D3, which is fantastic for your immune system, you have to take it with K2. You should take it with magnesium as well. You've got to know these things. And most doctors, they just, they talk out of a voice of authority about something they're not educated in.

They're educated in getting people in and out of their office as quick as possible and getting that insurance money. And that's what they do. And most of them, they talk like, are their authorities? Meanwhile, they have a gut. You're sitting there looking at this guy who looks like shit and he's telling you about health. Like, bro, you're not healthy. Don't talk to me about health. This is angry.

It makes me angry. It really does. I get it. It's infuriating because it's like these people you count on them as authorities and really they're just paying off their student debt. They're paying off their fucking loans. They have insane malpractice insurance they have to cover. They have a giant monthly nut and they're trying to push pharmaceutical drugs on you as much as they can because they get compensated for that. And that's what they do.

And this is the standard American health system. It's a real problem. Yeah. It's a real problem. And it leaves us sicker. You know, this is the thing that RFK Jr. is trying to balance. Like, we are, we spend more money on health care than anyone in the world. We make more money than anyone in the world.

And we're sicker than anyone in the world. We spend more money than we ever have on health care. We're sicker than we've ever been. We're living a life. We're eating well. It's not it. It's we're eating shit. You know, if we're just eating healthy,

the people that are just eating healthy have way less problems, way less health consequences, way less issues, way more energy, way more mental acuity, all those things. Because that's how your body's supposed to live. For thousands and thousands of years, what did we do? We ate fruit, we ate vegetables, we ate meat and chicken and fish and eggs. And that's what you're supposed to eat. That's real food. Most of these things that sit on a shelf, you're not supposed to eat those, just like your dog.

Like your dog's not supposed to be eating kibble. Right. You know, feed your dog raw food, your dog's going to go bonkers. Feed your dog human-grade food, like farmer's dog. Your dog will go crazy. Watch how she eats it. Watch the difference of the way. I'll try it.

My dog can't wait. He's dripping, water's dripping off of his mouth before I feed him. He's like sitting there waiting. I'm like, stay. And I'm putting it in the ball. He like attacks it. Like, Jamie, you were saying that about your dog, right? Like, let Carl, like when he was eating kibble, he wasn't even interested.

Yeah, I mean, I never had a chance to even give it to him. He never ate it. You just sit there and like, well, what do you, how do you, how do you, how do you, who's been feeding you? You know, what have they been eating, like, how did they get in your body? I always give my dog. When I give her, like, turkey, you know, putting it, sometimes if I have turkey or chicken around, I'll put it in her bowl. I always give her, you know, like a cat's deli when you order the sandwich, they give you a little piece before. Yeah.

I always get her a little piece to get her salivating. And she snaps it. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, because it's real food. Right. That's what people are supposed to be eating, too, man. We're supposed to be eating real food, you know? We got tricked because things have to stay in the supermarket.

You got to be able to sit it on the shelf and it's got to be able to stay there for a few months. That's how you make your profit. That's why milk is homogenized and pasteurized and I'll try to scare you off raw milk. Bitch, I drink raw milk every week. There's nothing wrong with raw milk. You just can't get it from a shitty farm. just like you can't get meat that's rotten, just like you can't get sushi that's rotten. I eat ice cream every day. How bad is that for me?

Ice cream is actually not that bad. Ice cream, when you think about bad things to eat, ice cream is probably one of the best desserts to eat. Because ice cream has fats from the cream. It has protein from the milk. And it does have sugar. So you got a little bit of sugar. but you're absorbing that sugar along with all the fat and all the cream. And it probably is way better for you.

It's way better for you than sugar. Like drinking like a soda. Like a soda is the most alien form of sugar your body absorbs. Your body doesn't know what the fuck this is. Because sugar in nature comes from like an orange. It has all this fiber, you know, and you're eating it. and it's a slow digestive process. That's why you don't get this crazy spike.

But orange juice is fucking nuts. Like you take all the fiber out and now you just have just pure sugar water and you think you're being healthy. Well, you're not. Okay, look, you get a little bit of vitamins from the vitamin C that's from the oranges. But you're not supposed to eat it that way.

You're supposed to eat an orange. Right. Like apple juice. Right. Like my daughters are very conscious of, like, food and, like, what's in it. And she put, we went to the supermarket and she was going to get an apple juice.

She's like, this has 30 grams of sugar. This little thing had 30 grams of sugar. Like, that's crazy. That's just, you're just, you might as well have a Coca-Cola. Right. It's kind of the same thing. Yeah. Your body, like, I think there's a, there was some paper that was written recently about

ice cream actually being good for you. And by far, the best of desserts that you can eat. Because it's, it's milk and cream, you know. It's like there's actual food in ice cream. I crave it every night. Ice cream not that bad. Look at this. Can ice cream be healthy?

What recent studies actually show. Recent research has sparked debate about ice cream's place in a balanced diet. By examining long-term health studies, scientists are exploring whether moderate consumption may have unexpected links to certain health outcomes. So ice cream has long been regarded as classic indulgence rather than a healthy food. The discussion largely emerged. Okay. However, in recent time, some surprising research has sparked the debate among nutrition scientists by saying that consumption of ice cream may be related to certain unpredictable health outcomes. The discussion largely emerged from data analyzed and long-running research projects such as nurses' health study and health professional follow-up study, two major epidemiological studies that track diet and health outcomes over decades.

Research examined dietary patterns among participants with type 2 diabetes, notice unusual pattern related to ice cream consumption. discussion earned okay what is the discussion consuming ice cream more regularly sometimes appear to have lower risks of certain health conditions especially cardiovascular disease amongst individuals of type 2 diabetes the problem is with epidemiological studies you're just basically like filling out a form as to what you ate and they track that with like large study groups of people

and they try to figure out okay that's one of the ways they find out like oh the people that eat red meat more or sicker. But that's also like, what are you eating? Right. You eating burgers that you call red meat with sugar, with a Coca-Cola, and some fries, because that's what a lot of people are eating. So it's not like grass-fed steak with a salad.

You know, that's not the problem. Remember Craig who came in here, Craig from Craig? Yeah. He told me to say hi. I love Craig. He said steak, and I thought about steak. Oh, he makes a great steak. That was my joke when I got colon cancer.

I told Craig you're gonna go out of business if I'm not eating your steak. I don't think you have to stop eating steak. I mean, I'm no doctor, but I don't think steak's the problem. I think all the other shit's the problem. I think it's preservatives and bullshit and processed food. It's just not good for you, man. None of it's good for you.

If he could sit on a shelf like that, how's all these preservatives? That stuff wrecks havoc on your gut bacteria. When you're consuming things that are filled with preservatives, those preservatives are essentially killing life. that's what they do. That's how it keeps bacteria and mold from growing on the food. It's a life killer. And then you eat it, go, oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh, it's preserved so I can eat it.

I mean, your healthy gut bacteria just gets fucking nuked. Yeah, I don't think it's meat is a problem. You know, I was on a USO Christmas tour, and I ate worse on that than I would. And I go, how are they, that's something they should fix. That is something. They're trying to fix that. RFK Jr. is trying to fix that.

I was like eating ice cream and shakes and burgers and pizza at every base. Yeah, it's a lot of processed food. Yeah, it's terrible food for those soldiers. It's terrible. And then you're asking them to go to perform in the most fucking scary thing on earth combat. So it made me think, well, maybe it's all bullshit. If the military is eating these same pizza and. pepperoni that I'm eating at home, then

they should be more... No, what's bullshit is the way they treat those people. That's what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the way they take care of them. That's what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the consideration they give to the diet of these people. Right. You're asking these people to make

the ultimate sacrifice. You're giving them prison food. That's what's bullshit. Right. Yeah. It's not... Diet's not bullshit. Diet's everything. It is literally everything. Like I said, your body has nothing. else, nothing else that it can build itself up with

other than nutrients. It's all it has. You consume it, if you don't, you starve to death, right? If you don't eat, you starve to death. So, in order for your body to take care of itself, what are you giving it? It's that simple. You drink a lot of water? A lot of water, yeah.

You still drink a lot of coffee? I drink less. I've been drinking coffee later in the day now. I've been like going through my day and not drinking my first cup of coffee until like noon now. I've been doing that a lot lately. Huh. You don't need it in the morning to get going? Sometimes I feel like I do. I enjoy it. I indulge if I enjoy it, but I don't like relying on things. I don't like having to do things.

I don't ever want to have that feeling. So lately I've been like, and I've gone days without coffee just to see what that feels like. Sometimes I feel a little sluggish. But there's ways you can avoid that too. Like I'll take neutropics, which is a brain nutrients, you know, the anene. and acetylcholine and a bunch of different things. Like there's alpha brain. That stuff pumps my brain up and fires it up. It's just you get addicted to caffeine. Caffeine is very, very addictive. And I feel like if I can get my day going without it, it's probably better.

Yeah. I drink a lot less, but I see what you're saying. I love it, though. Oh, that's great. I love a cup of coffee. I love it. I love it. I landed yesterday, Austin Airport.

Like, I needed a coffee so bad. I'd been out at a party in the night before, early flight, and you just want a cup of coffee before you even start seeing your texts because you don't want a deal. And it's like the first place I go to, it's like, there's a long line. I finally get there and it's like, it's a kiosk. And I'm like, I can't kiosk. I need to just tell someone to put coffee in a cup and hand it to me.

And I go to another place that it's like they charge me and then they hand me a cup and go fill it. And I walk away. I just can't. I get so freaking cranky. And I go to the third place finally. It's just like they give you a cup of coffee. The kiosk and the no employees, it all makes me so mad.

I want to talk to somebody. Oh, okay. I don't like filling out a computer when I want something. I rarely go to coffee places because I drink black coffee. And black coffee at Starbucks tastes like dog shit. Right. It's all burnt and tastes terrible. It's just not good.

I could drink any coffee. You could take old coffee, put it in a microwave, and it's the same to me as... Really? Yeah, an espresso that you're making it. I like this. This is a fresh press. Black rifle coffee. You want something?

Yeah. Get in there, dog. That's good coffee. That's real coffee, son. Thank you. That's coffee. Cheers. Taste that.

Cheers. Here's another problem. That's good. That's not bad, right? If you get coffee from Starbucks, you're going to be. getting in a paper cup. And if you get it in a paper cup, it's not paper you're drinking out of.

It's plastic because the inner lining of those paper cups is basically like a condom. Right. Ever see when they break it down? Yeah. Well, if you add hot liquid to plastic, that plastic leeches chemicals into your body that are not good for you.

They're called forever chemicals. It's terrible for you. So like every time you drink a hot liquid that's in a paper cup, you're sucking on plastic residue. That's gross. We're gross. There's a lot of things that are gross about the American lifestyle.

I mean, if you get coffee from Starbucks or something like that, ideally you should bring your own cup, bring a mug, bring, you know, like a little, one of those little Yeties, you know, so it's like pouring right into stainless steel. That's how you're supposed to drink it. But who does that? Who brings a little stainless steel? Not me. Yetty with them everywhere.

Nobody. Nobody. But if you did that, you'd get a lot less of these fucking microplastics in your gut. It also wreck havoc on your body. Destroy your immune system. Destroy your endocrine system. They're endocrine disruptors. So it stops your body from producing hormones naturally, which also can lead to a host of different diseases. Makes me think maybe Charlie Sheen was right after all. Crack. Smoking crack while getting a blowjob. That's how to do it. You don't think he was worried about the plastics and the pipe? Well, there's certain dudes that are built different. I mean, a lot of people that did what Charlie did

would have already been dead a long time ago. He's resilient. I do hope somebody puts him in a big movie. I like your idea. I like a good comeback story. Maybe he's due for another roast. It'll be hard now. He's all clean, sober.

It's like, what did you do 20 years ago? It's like, yeah. But now he's kind of doing all right. Mm-hmm. He looks good. Looks healthy. He looked a lot better than I thought he was going to look. Like, it doesn't look like a guy who just went through 25 years of crack.

And he was sick? Mm-hmm. What did he have? HIV. Oh, yeah. HIV is weird. That's a weird one. Because with the medication they have now, you don't really, you're not even testing positive.

But they just tell you you have it no matter what. It's dormant. It doesn't totally make sense. There was a guy named Peter Duesberg that I had on my show a long time ago. And he was a professor out of the University of California, Berkeley. And just brilliant, brilliant guy, groundbreaking work on cancer. But he had a very controversial take on HIV. And his take was he didn't believe that HIV is what caused AIDS.

He said the fact that you have HIV is because your immune system is so severely compromised that HIV shows up. That was his take on it. and he was ostracized. You got to realize, like, during the AIDS crisis, do you know who was the guy that was in charge of the medical establishment in this country? Anthony, motherfucking Fauci. Same guy.

And that guy had everybody convinced that we're all going to get AIDS, that we're all going to die, and you all have to take this medication. And one of the medications they gave people was AZT. The problem with AZT was, AZT was a chemotherapy medication. And it was killing people quicker than cancer was,

So they stopped using it. They repurposed it when AIDS came along. And they started giving it to AIDS people because they didn't have to go through this whole process of, like, getting a drug certified, getting a drug to go through the FDA. And they already had a drug. So they said, well, this drug, this will be the drug we use for AIDS. They fucking killed everybody they put on it. Killed tons and tons of people. When they stopped using AZT, people stopped dying.

You know, that's what Dallas Byers Club was all about. It was all about them trying, that movie with Matthew McConaughey. It was all about them trying to find alternative cures. Alternative medications and being able to access alternative medications. He wanted everybody to use AZT. And he was like, AZT, the reason why they use it is the only drug that is both safe and effective. It's literally what he said. Back then, in the fucking 80s.

And that's the same guy that sold us this bag of bullshit with the COVID or. origins and whether or not it was gain of function research that caused it. He's just a creepy fucking guy. We never really got answers on any of this. We will. It'll take time, but we will, and he'll probably be gone by the time it's publicly understood. But if you read RFK Jr.'s book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it'll open your mind. It'll open your eyes.

He talks about how they were testing out in the 1980s. They were testing out HIV vaccines on foster kids in New York and killing them. Jesus. Yeah. They tested it on on foster kids. Yeah, it's real. If it wasn't real, he would have been sued. He hasn't been sued for it.

Wow. It's a dark book, dude. The real Anthony Fauci, I can't recommend it enough. It's a fucking terrifying book. But that's the same guy that was a part of the whole AIDS thing. The movie's going to be weird. Who would play Anthony Fauci? a movie. Maybe Martin Short.

I think it's another Sean Penn Tour de Force. Sean Penn was all about the vaccine. Do you miss acting? Not even a little. I was thinking about that the other day. You really were in this whole other world, Joe. Call times, makeup, lines, blocking. Well, I enjoyed working on news radio.

And it was very, I felt insanely fortunate to be able to work with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and all those people on that show, Stephen Root, more on it, more of Tierney, and Vicki Lewis, Andy Dick. It was incredible. Candy Alexander. It was an incredible cast of people.

I mean, it felt super, super lucky. But once it was over, I'm like, I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate that because that was like optimal. And I had been on a couple other shows as a guest. I didn't like it. And I was like, this is not what I like. I only did it for money, you know.

It's not my thing. And it's a long process, dude. Sitcom hours, you know, especially in the beginning days. It was like 12, 16-hour days. Who wrote that show? Paul Sims and a bunch of other writers. But he was from the Larry Sanders show, you know, and he did Bardwark Empire after that, a bunch of other stuff.

But brilliant guy. But that show was just like, they caught lightning in a bottle. I got so lucky to be a part of that show. And I'm like, I could never be on a shitty sitcom after. that you know i couldn't be on some fucking you know sloppy canned horse shit

you went highbrow with fear factor well i took that because there was no actors first of all i took fear factor because i thought it was going to be canceled i thought this is going to be giving me a lot of material that was like rad for ever 148 episodes yeah it was nuts have you seen a new one no i haven't but uh johnny came on

johnny knoxville came on to do it i didn't see the ludicrous one either but how long did ludicrous do it for i don't know that till now yeah ludicrous did it i think was it on mtv jami i think he did it on mtv tv did it for a little while i think he did it for i don't know how long but i love johnny johnny knoxfield's the fucking he's the best a true gentleman sweetheart of a guy and i love him so much i hope it does well you know i hope they don't hurt anybody. That's the problem. Like when Fear Factor came back on NBC, um, when we came back in 2011 and we only did six episodes, they were really trying to make it bigger and better. I was like, Jesus Christ, we're going to fucking kill somebody. Right. It felt like it. It felt like when it

was canceled. I was happy. I was like, fuck this. Huh. You were done. Yeah. Well, it got canceled because they had a drink come. Do you know that? No. You don't know that? What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. They played horseshoes. to drink donkey come. We're still talking about Andy Dick at news radio? No, no, we're talking about Fear Factor now. Andy only drank people come. He's a gentleman.

But yeah, that happened. That's what got the show canceled. But it's because they were just trying to make it as outrageous as possible. It's like the early year right at the beginning of that crazy. This is it. Fear Factor, Donkey Juice. This is it. They had to play horseshoes.

and they drank donkey piss and donkey com. There was three sets of twins, and one twin had to drink the cum. Look at that. That's a mug, oh, come. Oh, my gosh. It's so foul. Wow. Yeah, so TMZ, I think, got a hold of the clip or images and said that Fear Factor was doing this,

and it never aired in the United States, but it aired overseas. It aired somewhere in Europe. I want to say the Netherlands were in Denmark or some shit. Wow. Yeah. Now you survived. Good times. Good times.

Now you're drinking delicious coffee and your palatial. Hanging out with you, Jeff Ross. I love it, man. Dude, I've known you since you were Jeff Lipshirts. I've known you since your best joke, which was, um, never trust a hooker with a walkie-talkie. You go, I learned, you were like 25, but you were like, I've learned a lot of things in my life. Yeah. I never trust a hooker with a walkie-talkie.

Was that the joke? No, it was I went to college for three years. I learned. How did it go? Don't trust Hooker with Wachie Talkies? I don't know. You know me since Jeff Lipp. By the way, I'm still Jeff Liffshould's.

My ID, my passport. Maybe you shouldn't tell everybody. It's all right. We should have hid that. It's, it's, at this point. Why did you change it to Ross? What year was that? Oh, I could tell you.

What happened was I got booked on Star Search down in Florida. Like my first time on TV. You know, we were all star. to get like on MTV and Star Search, those shows were coming around. And I go down to Orlando where they were shooting it back then. And Ed McMahon was the host.

And he kept introducing me by fucking up. Arch, this week's challenger, Jeff Lipschitz. And I'd walk out. And it would screw me up, you know. Then the next, I'd won. And then the next day, it's like, this week's challenger, you know, life shot. You know, he would just screw it up every time.

And on the flight home, I was like, I either have to, if I really love comedy, I was like two years in, I go, let me think about this. Ross is my middle name. John Stewart was John Leibovitz, and he had told me he did it for the similar reasons of like, no one can, if I asked you to spell Lyft Schultz right now, even you couldn't and you know me 35 years. Right. So I was like, all right, either I'm going to have to change my name or my whole family is going to, I don't know what to do. So Ross, it just made sense. It's easy. Yeah.

Yeah, it's easy. Jeff Ross. What was Ed McMahon like? You know. Did you ever hang out with him? I shook his hand and that was the end of it. I didn't get to know him very well. I heard he was an animal.

I heard he drank a lot. Yeah. But then I made some joke like that and people got mad at me online going, don't disrespect Ed McMahon. Was he gone by the time you made that joke? Yeah, it was recently because they rebooted Star Search just now. Fuck people online. You can't listen to them. Oh, dude, that's another thing Sagget taught me, Bob Saggett.

Like, block the haters. Like, you know, we would argue about this because, like, he would block people. And I go, well, then they know you saw it. Just ignore them. Let them float out to see. He goes, no. He goes, no. I want them to know that they're blocked.

He goes, and I don't want them following me. I don't want to say funny things to people to people. people who say mean things. He valued himself. I say don't read the comments. I say don't even pay attention. Let them exist in the ether. Well, you're off social right now.

Yeah. You told me. Yeah, I post things, but I post and ghost. That's what I tell people. Post and ghost. Just post things. It's like people know about stuff or something's interesting. You know, someone sends you something interesting.

Like, oh, people should know about this. Right. That's it. Get out. I got better instead of using social. media like Seth Green is my neighbor good buddy of mine the actor and he he he started dealing this turn of pandemic sort of texting or liking people stuff he face times it takes longer but he's like it's a real connection oh okay so he'll face time you you know and

talk to me just even if it's for a minute what if you have an Android phone and you're fucked and my friend Benji aflalo goes he he quotes Brody all the time he'll just he'll write, he'll text me emojis, positive and a check. Positive check-in. He would just positive check-in. Positive energy. Positive check-in.

God, he was so fun. Here's another guy. He's on my fucking contact list that's gone that I miss. I almost wore my Brody t-shirt today. I was thinking about him a lot lately. I don't know why. Enjoy it.

Enjoy it. Has there ever been a comedian who's been less famous but more, his cadence has been more like remembered it's almost like him in dangerfield have the most memorable deliveries of all time especially for us for the guys who are around all people know for the guys who were around him he was so he was just such a unique dude and he would show up at the comedy store and pull into the lot everybody'd smile oh i when i first met him i really truly hated him i really hate him

it was it was it was literally like the mid 90s joe like in new york and I can't believe I haven't thought about this in so long. The show that, it's so funny, the show that's coming out tonight, I started developing 30 years ago. My grandfather died. I live with my grandfather. And it was like a way to like process it.

And it was emotional. And I was doing it at little alternative comedy spaces in New York. And I didn't know Brody. And Brody would sit in the front. He was obsessed with it. Because I was like, talking about stuff that hit for him somehow. And he would sit in the front,

but he would, like, over laugh or twitch around at a seat. So then, you know, I'm developing this, like, one-man show is, like, different than stand-up. And he's like, he would want to talk to me about it. And he would say, like, weird things that kind of threw me off. You know, he would notice the differences. And I said, listen, man, HBO's coming to see it next one. week, could you just not be in the audience?

You go, okay, I understand. I'm the guy who bothers you. You don't like me. I get that. I go, no, it's not that, man. It's just that like, you're like, Brody. You're like a little. 818 till I die. You're distracting me. And I'm not like, you know, I was only doing comedy a few years. So then HBO comes and Brody, I walk on stage and Brody's in the front row. So afterwards, I go, dude, What the fuck is your problem? I told you not to me. He's like, there were no other seats.

I couldn't miss it. And our friendship grew where we both moved out to L.A. And we became such good friends that I had a Comedy Central show. He was the warm up. I had to have him around me all the time. I felt safer and better. I think we both grew from like... I was a model in Pakistan.

Cover of Camel Beat magazine. I dated an amputee. We met on Stubhub. What was my favorite? What was the one about the Nickelback Tour Jacket? I was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I saw the Nickelback Tour. It was in the Lost and Found.

I love Brody. Look up Brody Stevens. Yeah. I heard you talking about him the other day about his friendship with Zach Gallafinack. Yeah. And were you there when they did the memorial at the comedy store? No. No.

good line. I don't like those things. I was backstage and Brody's like college baseball coach, high school baseball coach, and all his friends all spoke for like an hour. And then they bring me out and I go, after hearing all Brody's friends talk for an hour, I'm starting to understand why he killed himself. That's why I don't like those things. It was beautiful.

I prefer to mourn people solo. It was beautiful, actually. Well, Brody was beautiful. That's our world. We got to remember these guys. I know, we do. Well, you know, one of the good things about podcasts is like the world gets to understand a lot of these people and hear us talk about all these people. I think our world is more understood now in this day and age with a podcast world than I think it's ever been known before. More criticized, but that's part of the problem. That means that's part of the process of it.

That's normal. But also more understood. Like, people get it. They get it. It's a weird art form. Weird art form. Remember when you had Gilbert Godfrey on, that was great. Gilbert was awesome.

I don't think he fully understood what was happening here, but I remember really enjoying your interview with Gilbert. What do you mean? You don't think he understood. He'd done stern. Right, but he, he, he, this is, Stern is fast and jumping in and Joe, you know, like impressions. This is more of a conversation which Gilbert, in his spectrumy thing,

You know, it's tough A lot of yes and no answers I thought he was great Yeah But I loved him You know and he knew I loved him I was always a giant fan of his So it was like, I think it was pretty easy

I wear a Gilbert Godfrey shirt in the special That's cool Ultimate tribute He was a sweetheart So a sweet guy So fucking funny too God damn that guy was funny I used to love watching his sets in New York

The best Especially like in the 90s Or no one knew who he was Like oh my God He's such a good killer. One of his last times on stage, I was at an improv in Florida and he came with his family and he came on as a surprise guest. He walked out and he told this long, crazy joke about skull fucking his dead grandma. So at his funeral, at his funeral, like a year and a half later, I said,

Gilbert's comedy was fearless and ruthless and subversive yet he was so lovable. that he could get us to laugh at a joke about skull fucking a dead person. And then I looked at his coffin and I said, not so funny now, uh, Gilbert. So I love Gilbert. We've had the very unique opportunity to be around some really truly exceptional people, rare, rare human beings, you know, and so many of them, you know. We're so rich in our associations with so many,

completely unusual people, you know? there's one more Gilbert story At one time we were roasting Joan Rivers I was producing it and I booked Gilbert and I'm on the phone I'm smoking her joint and I go I got one joke I like but I can't do it he goes what is it

I go well you know like Kanye West mom had recently died during a plastic surgery procedure it was the background and and I go Joan Rivers Gilbert you know John Rivers There's a Kanye's mom has a better plastic surgeon than you.

And I go, but I can't do that. And Gilbert goes, I'll do it. And that's what I realized. I was being a pussy and I had to do it. So I did it. So he pushed me. That's awesome. That's awesome.

He's a really special, special guy. We're lucky dudes, Jeff. We really are. We're lucky. And especially now that we know all these people that we just talked about that were amazing and are gone. We're lucky we're still here. Being a comedian is like a backstage pass to the world. You get to see things you never would see as a civilian.

It's true. I just went to Qatar, Djibouti Africa. You weren't Djibouti? What were you doing Djibout? You did stand up there? For the troops. Oh. Christmas with the vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs.

Oh. Saw the Patriot missiles that they're using now. I was in two of the bases that just got hit just a few months ago. Wow. Wow. That's nuts. You get to see. And when you're with the vice chairman, sometimes you're on FOBs, they call them,

forward operating bases. They don't even tell you where you are exactly. Oh, wow. You know, you're like 80 miles from the Iranian border somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or Jordan. It's so cool. Wild. You've always done a lot of stuff with the troops. You've been doing that from way back from like the early 2000s.

2003, my first trip to Iraq with Drew Carey. Wow. Yeah, he took me in 2003. Saddam was still alive. I went back in 2005. I've done probably 100 of those shows all over the world. Wow. It's the best, man.

That's why I'm a comedian. That's the best feeling. That's the best feeling. They say, oh, thanks for coming. And I'm like, thank you, man. Forget that I'm like entertaining. You know, you're doing a show for people who are star for entertainment. It fills me up like it it it it it invigorates me

It's just they're not drinking. They're the best crowds right I highly recommend it that's awesome all right dude your special is it out yet tonight tonight Look at you a Netflix comedy special longest special Netflix ever did you got the Bobby Brown microphone on I sing I sing a song in the show. A perfect salty sweet sour mix. Look at that outfit. It's a suit of armor, this guy.

This guy, poor guy, lost his hands in an explosion. Oh, geez. I asked him why his wife never got finger-bangged. Jesus. It's a multimedia show about my family, about resilience, about bouncing back. Are those screens in the back wall, a bunch of different screens? Yeah. And they show different things on them.

them? Yeah, the dogs. Oh, that's cool. You're going to love this show. I'm sure I love it. It's about some of the stuff we were talking about, like when you take a hit, getting back up. That's awesome. And what's it called again? It's called Take a Banana for the ride. When I was an open micer, I would take my grandfather to his doctor appointments. And then at night, I would go in New York and try to get on stage at the open mics. And my grandfather would give me a few dollars for the bus and tolls and a banana. Take a banana for the ride. kind of his way of saying, I can't go with you, but I'm there with you on the ride. I just tattooed a banana with my mom's would write I love you or I miss you and put him in my school lunches. So I found an old letter with her handwriting

and made a tattoo. So now I always have a banana. This one Eddie Vedder drew. It says, born to roast. Oh, that's cool. All right, it's out now. Ladies and gentlemen, go watch it. Frost. I love you, buddy.

Love you, Roebate. Thank you. Good to see you. Bye, everybody.