The Joe Rogan Experience - #251 - Bryan Callen

Episode Date: August 13, 2012

Joe sits down with Bryan Callen.

All right you dirty freaks, Brian Callens here and I don't know how to turn the music on. So we're gonna... It's the podcast. Just thinking of like heavy guitars and wind blowing my hair back. It's the fucking podcast. It's the Brian Callens on the podcast with Joe Rogan. That was a very interesting way to dance right there. Yeah, I'm bringing it back.

It was like a gay Kenyan dance. I'm bringing back some shit from the 70s. Do you know that if you cook in cast iron, it's an excellent way of getting iron in your diet, which I didn't know? Yes, yes. They say steaks in cast iron. You sear a steak in cast iron.

But then you can get too much ferrous oxide in your diet, and you have to be careful. So Tim Ferriss says in his book that a lot of these guys will actually take a day and eat no iron. Really? Yes, to bring their iron levels down. So there it is.

Wow. Ferriss is fascinating. We've been going back and forth. He's going to come back on the podcast again. I need him on my podcast. Well, let's do it. Let's hook it up. He's a great guy.

I've got to get him on because I had a conversation with him after I read his book, and I loved him in it. He just knows so much. Yeah, he's apparently got a lot of stuff cooking, and he's in the middle of writing a book as well. But, man, I love talking to him. I just love talking to dudes that are just filled with information. Like Rob Wolf, the Paleo Solution author. What was that like? Fucking great.

You know, because I'm reading... The guy's filled with information. It's controversial. Well, but I just read the China study. I talked to you about it. Yes. Which is about... He's he's a very very credible science and he looks at a lot of science it says whole food uh a plant-based whole food diet is the best way to go problem is that i think like we talked about if you're doing sports and lifting yeah personally i went i went like about uh a week eating just a whole food plant-based diet. I ate a steak the other day.

I woofed it down. I inhaled it. It was literally like I was like, and I've never felt better, man. I mean, I just need some meat sometimes. I don't think that you can have the same diet for every person. I don't think everybody needs a steak. There's a lot of chicks out there that don't need a steak.

They really don't. There's a lot of dudes that don't need a steak. Jamie Kilstein's coming on the podcast tomorrow. He's a steak. There's a lot of chicks out there that don't need a steak. Yeah, I agree with you. They really don't. There's a lot of dudes that don't need a steak. Jamie Kilstein's coming on the podcast tomorrow. He's a vegan. He's healthy. He's happy. Yeah. And he loves it.

He's real fitness. He's always constantly doing martial arts, jujitsu, and shit. And he's a vegan. He weighs eight pounds, but he's a vegan. I'm not kidding. He weighs eight pounds. Well, I always look at it. I always look at it.

You can't find too many Olympic athletes who are vegans. No. Well, Mac Danzig, who's also going to do the podcast, we're going back and forth. I love that dude. He's a really, really interesting guy. He's a UFC fighter who's a vegan. Oh, okay. He's also a photographer.

Oh. And, you know, he works. His reasons are that he loves animals. Yeah, I respect that. And I respect that as well. Look, I love animals, too. There's a cycle of life. And I think factory farming is horrific. But I think wild game. I think that's well. Look, I love animals too. There's a cycle of life. And I think factory farming is horrific.

But I think wild game. I think that's where it's at. I think in a perfect world, we would buy meat from hunters. And that would be a new fucking industry. We'd have to make sure that people weren't poaching. Buy meat from hunters. I think you should be able to hunt a lot of them. Because deer are fucking everywhere.

The idea that there's a... They're glorified cows, dude. Yeah. And we can grow more of them too, by the way. Absolutely. We can grow more of them. But it's funny because... But my point is when they're wild

and they're running around and then you just hunt them and kill them, I think, first of all, the whole thing is way more humane because they lived the real life. Yeah. They lived a real life. The deer's never lived a better life.

That's right. They have one life. That life, forage for food, stay alive. If you do that, you've won. They're also, by the way's right. They have one life. That life. Forage for food, stay alive. If you do that, you've won. They're also, by the way, they are food in the wild. Of course. That's why they're there.

Joseph Campbell always said that one of the problems with the original peoples and their mythology was that they would look around at nature and realize that life ate life. And if you look at a lot of, whether it's Native Americans or whatever, the traditions of killing animals's Native Americans or whatever, the traditions of killing animals, they were always fairly, most cultures were always fairly very uneasy with killing an animal, which was why when you killed an animal there was a ritual around that. There was usually

prayer said. There were rituals because human beings were like... They felt a connection. Yeah, were taken and when you actually have to kill something with a spear or a bow and arrow or a knife and you feel its heartbeat and you smell that animal, that's very intimate. It's physically intimate. And almost all Aboriginal cultures had, all that I can think of, had sort of a ritual around that. They would say prayers.

They'd do all kinds of things because it makes sense. What we've become is so removed from our food. We're so removed with factory farming and things. It feeds a lot of people, gets a lot of protein in people. People don't go hungry anymore. I always remind people 30 years ago, I mean, half of India, a lot of China went through major famines and certainly most of Africa. But now that's becoming more and more a relic of the past. It's because we've become very efficient at getting food to a maximum number of people. But there's a disconnection. There's a huge disconnection.

So when you eat a pig, when you eat bacon that's been in a gestation crate and goes crazy because it's chewing on the bars, you're not really thinking about it, man. I'm just hungry. You're not thinking it's a pig. You're thinking it's just a piece of ham. We've actually given these really euphemistic names to meat.

Having said that, I eat... Yeah, it is. We do that. Beef, ham, you know. You don't think of it. Veal. If you ever go to a farm, though, and you're playing around with the lambs and the goats and fucking, I mean, and playing around with them, but you start to, you get kind of, you realize oh wow man that thing is a living breathing creature

that is reacting to me and reacting to its environment i gotta lock this door i forgot to lock this door keep talking yeah and it's it's it's uh it's an interesting thing you if you talk to farmers who are around animals they're they're very very tuned and keyed into animals and nature on a way that most of us are not. They just have to be. They're very aware of the cycles, they're very aware of all the things. You talk to dairy farmers, there was a mad cow scare and this woman was being interviewed because they had to kill all our cows in front of her. And then they had to burn the cows. That was the government policy in Britain at the time because these prions were very dangerous. So they took out the whole herd.

And she was so devastated because she knew her cows. Every one of her cows, she knew had its own personality, had its own name, and she had her own relationship with it. For me, I went, it's a fucking cow. Really? And it was devastating for her. Well, she was going to butcher those cows or were they were they dairy cows no one of them had mad cow disease and they've been the law at the time this is about ten years ago and they had to put down the whole herd right so but was she raising these cows for butchering no dairy they were dairy

cows and and they were also there I believe some of them were for butchering as well but this was a dairy farm the the most part so did they feed the the cows fucked up things did they feed them like cow meat what the apparently what happened with with the development of these prions in the central nervous systems of cows i'm not a scientist but from what i read i remember you could eat uh if you had a cow that had mad cow disease it wasn't eating the muscle meat that fucked you up it It was when you ate the… Brain tissue. Yeah, the brain tissue, spinal cord.

And they would ground that up into hot dogs and things like that. And you can take those prions. They're called prions, I think. And you can heat them up to 500 degrees and they still don't die. And you can still get the mad cow disease. So you can't… It's not the… You can't sterilize it.

I think it's more than 1,000 degrees. It's crazy. You can't sterilize it. I think it's more than 1,000 degrees. It's crazy. And so apparently that came from the fact that you had cows cannibalizing their own tissue because when you slaughter cows, there are certain parts, I guess, that you don't necessarily need. You take 5% of that. You put it into the slop and they'll eat it.

They were doing that with chickens. It's so fucked up. It's become illegal now. But what's fucked up about it is if they could do it with pigs, that's okay. Pigs actually are omnivores. But you're doing it with cows. You're just jacking his whole system. But not just that.

The reason you don't want an animal cannibalizing itself is because it leads to these really weird pathogens. Yeah, these prions, right? It's why actually in the book of Leviticus, which you mentioned. Prions or prions? I think it's called prions. But the book of Leviticus you were talking about in your show? Yeah. The book of Leviticus is actually a book in the Old Testament that goes into really stark

detail about what you can eat and what you can't. And in the Old Testament, they always talk about the fact that you can't eat animals or prey. So you can't eat a leopard or an osprey, an eagle, a hawk. Why? Because those animals eat other animal protein. And you still don't find people eating leopard meat. I think they eat mountain lions. I think mountain lions, steaks. You can actually eat bear and stuff like that, but you wouldn't do it. There's a reason we don't. It's a rarity, and we say, think they do because for the most part no culture has ever eaten the protein except for fish but a lot of animals that

eat other animals apparently it's not apparently it's not healthy it kind of makes sense if you think about it yeah well it's also they're probably they probably taste creepy yeah well i've heard i've heard that when you eat bear meat it it's really oily and really gamey and oily. But bears are mostly herbivores, actually, unless you're talking about polar bears, which are complete meat eaters. Yeah, we were actually just talking about this, about going hunting. We were saying that I didn't want... Steve Rinella asked me to go hunting with him, to go bear hunting. And I was like, I don't want to kill a bear, man.

I don't want to eat it. I don't want to... If it's not something that I really want to eat... Like, I like venison. I'll kill a deer. I love venison i like my mouth my dad and i went to uh alaska okay to go hunt bear he goes i want to hunt bear i go i'm not hunting bear he goes why not i go well because i don't want to kill a bear oh and by the way either do you somebody talked you into it he goes well i'm talking to a guy i go well what do you do he'd already bought a rifle that's how susceptible he's like the guy was like come by i'll buy a rifle he bought like literally like a like a twelve thousand dollar rifle something crazy

with the scope and everything so we go there and i go i'll go to alaska with you but we'll go fishing he goes i'll call you right back he calls me yeah you're right i don't want to kill a bear either let's go fishing so he buys a crazy amount of fishing equipment we go there we didn't catch one fish not one fucking fish Really what we're not fishermen. We lost all the lures. We literally lost on the other tie knots I don't do any of it. They just took chances like we went out there We paid all this money for this guy the guy to learn some good knots man They got the guy comes back and he goes we go we don't have any more lures and he goes but you had all thing

I mean, yeah, we lost them. He goes, what do you mean? We were casting over the lake into the trees. He literally goes like this. He goes, how'd you lose all the lures? We're like, I don't know. We never caught one fish. And then he goes, I want to sight my rifle.

He brings his rifle. I want to sight it. So the former Marine wants to sight his rifle. So he lies down. He's showing us how to shoot prone, right? when you shoot when you're in the marines you're shooting military weapons they don't have the kind of recoil that at 370 or whatever the fuck it was i can kill an elk from half a mile away so he's like he's got his face right up against the scope and he's like all right here and i'm like right behind him right and i'm like all right because

i'm gonna shoot that log i go do it so i'm right behind him and i don't know if you've ever heard a fucking elephant gun go off when you're close to it oh it was so loud that i practiced i think i shat my pants a little bit like a little duty flat on my ass my face the sound like hit it was like a fire stick i went i was like he so he goes to shoot and he goes he shoots I'm right behind him And it was so loud I went Jesus Like that It hit me I fall back on my ass He looks up

He's got this really deep Round cut in his eye Because the scope came back And hit him in the eye So for the rest of the fuck In that last trip We're walking around Like a couple losers

I'm like Don't stand next to me bro You look like such a fucking tourist He has this huge cut Around his eye Like half a raccoon That is hilarious I'm like I don stand next to me bro you look like such a fucking tourist he has this huge cut around his eye like half a raccoon that is hilarious I'm like I don't know who that guy is

I know he looks like me but he ain't my dad I'm like how are you supposed to shoot that through the scope are you supposed to back way up yeah you fuck

I don't know it's a 370 or whatever or do you just have to brace it better you gotta brace it better I shot it six times and I couldn't shoot it anymore because I literally don't have the meat in my shoulder it hurt that bad jesus like the kick is that bad

and one of the tricks you do when you don't have earplugs is keep your mouth open when you shoot a gun that loud because it'll because the sound has somewhere to go oh my god rookies make is they keep their mouth closed really yeah so you keep your mouth open and loose it's one of the rare times in life where you're supposed to keep your mouth open that's what i was told by the way any soldiers out there i don't know maybe i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about but that's what the guy told me this guy named swede and he said keep your mouth open that's how you do it because he was shooting no problem i was like doesn't that hurt it the sound was so loud it hurt my face forget my ears it's crazy that they get to like

a level like that it's like they they get guns to the point where you get to like the 50 caliber ring like what are you doing what are you doing what the hell where you get to like the 50 caliber ring. Like, what are you doing? What are you doing? What the hell are you doing? I want to kill something from a mile away. This isn't like, I mean, that's like some army shit. Like why, why is a regular person buying some army shit?

When you get a, when you get one of those high powered hunting rifles, it's to kill an elk. Do you think a mile away, you know, with this, uh, raging gun control debate in this country country do you think that there's any

there's any possible way you could make this a safe world here's what i here's what i always say about gun control it's what i talk about with my stand-up speaking of which i'll be at the american comedy club this weekend ladies and gentlemen thursday friday saturday that's down in san diego san diego thursday friday and saturday oh shit bitches amazing club by the way is it we did a desk watch show there we had a fucking great time man we did a weekend we did two shows i'm doing all new stuff i'm excited about my my new hour but but one of the things i always say my stand what was the thing i was talking about with gun control is gun control in this country, in my opinion, will never work in terms of what people are calling for. Because I think that men like their guns, not because they're shiny and they go boom.

I actually really believe most men own guns because it's for them, it's certainly for me, a feeling that at least I can protect my family if the shit hits the fan. Because a golf club or a sharp stick ain't going to do it. I want an arsenal in case. And I think most men go, when a politician says, and they have good points, but if a politician says, we want to take your gun away, Americans in particular go, I don't fucking, I don't, nah,

because you're not going to be there when somebody tries to break into my house at four in the morning. I could call 911, but the feeling of a phone in my hand versus my Mossberg 20-gauge pump-action shotgun feels a lot better to me. The real problem is that guns are out there. That's the real problem.

If guns didn't exist, then you having a gun would be a different issue. But here's where the debate actually lies for me after this terrible tragedy with the Batman thing. I do think, and the NRA, from what I can understand, isn't that cooperative with this. I do think, and the NRA from what I can understand isn't that cooperative with this, I do think there's a debate to be had about the lethality of weapons. Do you need a drum that

holds a hundred rounds? I don't think so. Do you need a fucking elephant gun? Right. I don't think that you necessarily need an assault weapon that goes through a car engine or goes through buildings. But you know what? All the law-abiding people out there, like my friend Anthony Cumia from the Opium

Anthony Show, who's a gun nut, why shouldn't he be allowed to have them? It doesn't bother me at all that he has one. I own guns, and I agree. I mean, I wonder, then the other debate is... Anthony has a.50 caliber. He has one of those cannon things. I don't know. I mean, I think that there was a politician on, he said this about it,

and it was really kind of, he was honest, it was really interesting. He said, what can we do about these madmen? And he said, unfortunately, in a society like ours that's free and as big as we are, you can't ultimately do anything about a lone, crazy, demented human being who is, whatever he is, schizophrenic. I think, though, the debate lies,

can you, though though create a situation where you can keep very lethal um uh efficient weapons like machine guns out of their hands that seems to be the debate i mean i don't think you're ever going to stop crazies from getting guns and shooting people but i it'd be nice if they got just a glock as opposed to a an AR-15 with a drum of 100 rounds. Now, this is where the conspiracy theory kicks in, is where all these people believe that the government has brainwashed people like this Joker guy to go and commit these things so they can clamp down on gun control.

And that when you see, what is this, Eric Holder, you see, first of all, the nonsense of them selling illegal guns to mexico and having those guns be used on american border patrol agents in murder they're retarded that was actually that was actually a way to track weapons you know whatever they sold guns man i think that is the dumbest idea in the history of dumb ideas i don don't know the details, but it doesn't sound very good. Well, Alex Jones, of course, put your tinfoil hat on, believes that they did that shit on purpose, and they're making money off of it,

and they wrapped it up in a ridiculous, completely implausible plot, like a completely implausible plan. Yeah, the problem with a guy like Alex Jones, in my opinion, is whenever you talk about the government, the government is so diversified with so many different interests. There are so many people that actually are against gun control

in government and passionate about it. There are a lot of people in government that are very for gun control. I think there's a lot of debate, even within the U.S. Army and the FBI and the CIA, about what we should do about everything. I think you're misunderstanding his tone, though. What he's saying is it's a much more sinister thing than the government itself. What he's talking about is like the world banks and the new world order getting together and physically engineering a situation where they can clamp down on people to take away their guns because they're worried about the economy going into the toilet and then you know they're when they're passing things like a lot of credit to a group it is it is however when they're passing things like the NDAA, it is. It is. However, when they're passing things like the NDAA, when they pass things like that,

you realize, well, they are slowly but steadily taking our rights away in a place, in a time where it's really not necessary. There's no personal attacks. I mean, there's no attacks going on here in America. I would agree with you on that. But I think it's a little bit more insidious and a little bit more subtle than that. I actually think that it's kind of what the Founding Fathers warned about a long time ago. A lot of times human beings will invent laws that take their own power away in the name of things like safety.

Look at the Patriot Act. Those kinds of things where before you know it, there is a, I keep telling you about this, my father, I did a podcast with my dad on the Brian Callen Show, and he was talking about how he spent a lot of time in government, a lot of time down there, watched how it really works. It's not that politicians are bad. It's not that, you know, Republicans or Democrats, a lot of people have good ideas. They're trying to get shit done.

Obama is not a socialist. It's government's in or Democrats, a lot of people have good ideas. They're trying to get shit done. Obama is not a socialist. It's governments in the business of intent. You're in the business of intent. You have a law and you have an intention. The problem when you have an intention is that there are so many different interests that you have to appease to get that law whole and passed. And what happens is what you intended usually has other consequences, which would make sense. And I think what we have to worry about is like what you're talking about, where we start

losing our own power, but it's almost like it happens without us even realizing it. Like you pass a law that seems to be a good law, it has other unintended consequences. Right. And whenever you do anything that compromises people's freedom and liberty, then you have to say, well, what is the end game in this? Because this seems like even in the name of safety, you're going to clamp down on freedom and liberty and safety isn't going to be worth nearly as much. You have to really look at that. My father was talking about corporations and he at one point ran the biggest investment

bank in the world. He knows a little stuff about that. I heard it was an amazing podcast, by the way lot of people really really enjoyed it i was so proud of it it's it's you can get it on on uh on brian callan.com if i wasn't so selfish i would listen to it yeah well no i this i think you'd really like though i will listen because he's so fair he's so fair he's so he's so about he's just about personal liberty but he also understands that he's very moderate about that stuff but um, you know, he's somebody who talks about, for example, whatever your intention, whatever your intention, as government grows, and both sides are responsible, Democrats, Republicans, it's human. As a government grows with tax revenue or whatever it is, what happens with corporations, they behave just like you and I would,

which is, I got to lobby my government so I can get a favorable outcome here because everybody else is doing it. So pretty soon you've got everybody feeding out of or influencing the government trough. It's just how, you can't do business otherwise. You can't be in business as a bank without having very strong ties to the government. You can't, you just can't do business otherwise. You can't be in business as a bank without having very strong

ties to the government. You can't. You just can't. And therein lies the argument. So no matter what you say, yes, you need government. Yes, there are good ideas out there. But just be aware that regardless, the bigger it gets, even if its intentions are good, you're going to have, you're going to lose, the argument goes, you're going to have, you're going to lose, the argument goes you're going to lose some of your liberties. You're just going to. That seems at least to be what history says. And it seems to be that it's so easy to let something grow

completely unnecessarily out of control. If you wanted to, you could micromanage every single aspect of society in order to create new jobs. If you wanted to create new jobs and give more people the work of, you know. Well, look, we were just talking about this this weekend. Now explain to me how in any way making hemp weed marijuana illegal. Marijuana is illegal. You and I were hanging out at a bar this weekend,

and I remember I said, and there was somebody acting up and they were drunk, and I said that I've never been bothered by a pothead like that. But it's always somebody who's drinking. Now, alcohol causes way more damage. We all know the story. Well, the facts are as clear as day. Why is marijuana,

why are those laws, those federal laws, so difficult to repeal? Well, I'll tell you why in my opinion. And it goes back to what you brought up. There's a lot of money in enforcing marijuana laws. There's a lot of money. Talk to the DEA. You've got a lot of people whose jobs depend on this stuff.

It's not anybody's fault. It's what happens man yeah we are all anytime you have a critique of somebody just realize if you were in their position you'd probably be the same goddamn way you hopefully not but that's what happened that's why we need clear-cut laws to protect people from their own instincts to protect human nature for you a person who's outside of it objectively looking at the situation from a knowledgeable point of view, you can sort of engineer what is and what isn't legal. We have to avoid this so you can't take money.

We have to avoid that so you can't do this. And unless you stick by some well-thought rules, it's like you need a scaffolding for humanity to grow on. And when you give people power need a scaffolding for humanity to grow on and when you give people power with no scaffolding I never argue anymore about a democratic or republican platform, I never do that my argument always centers on one thing

which is, hey, look, you got your political point of view, that's great, no criticisms we all agree we need some government, you just need some government we need some moral boundaries we need some engineering of our culture sure you need law and order you need roads you need but we need way less than we have well there you go and so then the question becomes how much less do we need a lot less okay and and that's where the debate should that's what we should talk about why and why what is the objective to To preserve personal freedom, personal liberty. If they had less laws and more cops, the world would be a way better place.

And if the cops were paid better and treated better by people, if more people got their shit together so they didn't look at the cop as like someone who's going to come and arrest you for doing shitty things, just don't be doing shitty things. If we could figure out a way to elevate our society to the next level you know i think there could be a way they've done some of you know i was just reading an article but my thoughts of a cop is like like a security person like a friend like like let's put it this way instead of thinking of cops as like someone is coming to bust you

or someone's going to take your shit if you had good cops in a community it's like if you had a fucking fort and your buddy was the guy who had to watch the door with the gun because there's there's you know crazy indians or who knows what the fuck could happen you need that like that shit is very important you have to have somebody guarding the wall yeah and it did somewhere along the line it stopped being that and it became an us versus them. The society versus the cops. I do think, though, that a lot of police forces,

that's not lost on a lot of cops and a lot of the brass. For example, in New York, I just read an article that crime is down since the 90s by 80%. Yeah, that's amazing. A lot of it had to do,

and mostly in black and Hispanic neighborhoods. Crime is down since the 90s by 80%. Yeah, that's amazing. Isn't it cool? And mostly in black and Hispanic neighborhoods. Mostly Giuliani came in and just cut the bullshit. Yeah, and it was Bratton and their notion of equality of life laws. They said if somebody graffitis a wall, they probably do other things that are bad too. So we're going to start enforcing those small crimes because they lead to bigger crimes, that kind of notion. And it's interesting how many people were so down giuliani doing that and really upset that he's

ruining new york new york's the best i i was in new york i shot a movie there three weeks ago whatever it's better than i've i i mean i've been my family's from there it's better than i've ever seen the city in my life that's incredible it's incredible it's it's a better place to be than anywhere i've it's the best i've ever seen it it's a better place to be than anywhere. It's the best I've ever seen it. It's a better place to be than anywhere in the world? Well, in some ways. I don't want to get carried away. What's the greatest part about it to you?

Accessibility to everything that's everything and feeling safe doing it. First of all, you've got the Lower East Side, which is totally different than the Lower West Side, which is totally different than the Upper West Side, which is totally different than Midtown, which is totally different than the Upper East Side. And there's an experience to be had in all quadrants of Manhattan. You can get there in 15 minutes by cab or less, or by subway. And most importantly, you no longer walk around New York feeling like you're going to get mugged or anything else.

See, that's what people, that's the feeling that people still have about Manhattan, is that weird feeling of worrying about being mugged. Sure, because it's so big. But if you look at the statistics, the police have done an amazing job of policing. And you know who else has done a really good job? I can't remember our police chief here in L.A., but they've done a really good job, really good job at controlling gang violence. And it's almost impossible in such a huge area. But they've done a really innovative job you know comparatively they've they've they've they've learned they learned a lot from from the gang explosions in the 80s and the 90s and they've

done a really good job in a lot of places it's kind of fucked when you really wrap your head around it like that should be the laws that people are concentrating on what is what is causing that kind of shit i know it's called i have an opinion on. What is causing that kind of shit? I know what's causing it. I have an opinion on that. Gangs, I think a lot of it starts with... No family. Exactly. I talked to a principal in Kansas City.

I said, what would you do about education? I wanted to get into a talk about it. And he said, nothing. Our schools are great. Our parents are fucked up. If they had good parents, it'd be fine. I was like, oh, jeez. I never thought...

He goes, my school's great. I just got parents that don't... They're not present. They got three kids they can't take care of. And it comes down to that. There's a lot of that, man. There's a lot. I think gangs are about kids who just want to feel significant and belong to something. Yeah, absolutely. Everybody has

the need to belong to a team or a tribe. You know, I mean, that's why we call ourselves a death squad. You know, that's why I love being a part of 10th Planet Jiu-Jitsu. You know, that's, it's, we, you know, when you, you become a part of 10th planet jujitsu you know that's it's we we you know when you you you become a part of like a team you know you become you feel stronger so some kid who's out there on his own you know his family just fucking sucks and his whole life has been shit and you know he's there with some dude who will shoot a dude for him you know that's kind of

what the podcast is too isn't it i mean yeah. You know, you have a really, that show, Joe did a show this weekend in Denver, and that crowd was so, they were so unbelievable. It was like a rock star. I went out as Joe. And I was like, what's up, you fucking freaks? Yeah, we wanted to see how long it would take before people realized.

They thought it was me, and they must have been like, what the hell, Joe got skinny and a little taller with a beard, that's weird, but anyway. But they went crazy, and then watching all those people line up just to take a picture with you, they feel like they belong to an experience. They feel like they belong to something.

Even my 10-minute podcast, I notice a lot of young men, they glom to that kind of humor. They like the silliness that we do because it's kind of like recess. When you create a following and you create a core group of people, it makes them feel like they belong to something. I think that's why they root for a team. You have an experience with it. It's the same kind of thing. Well, this is an even more intimate experience because you're in people's fucking heads, man. That's why people get so annoyed if you say something over, repeat things, or if you do something they don't like.

People are allowing you the most intimate input into their brain. You're in the fucking earbuds, and you're literally playing inside their ear, and you're talking inside their head. And if you're annoying, that's a mindfuck. playing inside their ear and you're you're talking inside their head and if you're annoying that's a mind fuck but if you are really genuinely on a good path and you really are genuinely promoting other people to be on a good path too and and just brotherhood you know tom rhodes sent me a text today that was a really fucking awesome text because tom just did the uh ice house chronicles show that we do at uh the death squad at the um ice house yeah the ice house amazing old comedy club and we've been doing these

shows and we're going to do one this friday night where we have all these comics of it was dom you know this week it's greg fitzsimmons joey diaz joey's on all time burke kreischer was there this week i mean these these shows are fucking incredible, okay? And we're hanging around in the back room and we're doing a podcast and it's me and Kreischer and Tom Rhodes and Dom Herrera and Brody Stevens and we are laughing our fucking dicks off. It's so fun.

It's like the stuff we always did but now hundreds of thousands of people are listening. But what Tom said, he goes, I really love the feeling of comedy brotherhood. And that's really what it was. It's like we have a comedy brotherhood. And we really genuinely like each other, love each other, and want each other to succeed and are happy when each other succeeds.

That's the one thing that's missing in our group is that weird comic neurosis that often exists where people can't be happy with other people's success. Just bitter, like narcissistic or bitter, kind of like damaged, like islands. That's what you get a lot with stand-up comics. Well, they haven't been told, man. It's like learning jujitsu wrong

or learning to play the guitar wrong. You haven't been told the way to manage your mind. And what you don't realize is that even though you are separate from other people, you're really not. And you get something from them, positive or negative. And that affects you. And if you can generate positive feelings in other people, then you will get more positive feeling in your own life you know it's really weird I'm

reading this book called the sociopath next door written by the Harvard psychiatrist yeah right so sure I read an excerpt about that where they were saying some frightening numbers so she'll pass me we were just you just talking about connection and how important it is and and with the feeling you get from when you move other people and you get moved from other people. And most of us who are normal, we get this. Sociopaths, they don't even get that from their own children. They don't even get, like, they could be very successful, but they don't get any satisfaction out of getting the adulation.

The only thing that they usually get pleasure from is winning and controlling other people's reactions. Isn't that wild? So the idea is whatever they can do, power over people is what gets them off and winning. That's the only thing that gives them the satisfaction because they can dominate. I think we know comics like that.

There are a lot of people like that. I think we know one at least. And it's usually the ones that are in trouble for being unoriginal it's it's the desire for conquest supersedes everything right and they really don't have any problem fucking people over and that's where it gets really weird it's every time i've ever fucked anybody over my life it is left a bad feeling like we were talking before the show about uh stealing material and uh i said uh when i was an open mic or i totally stole i stole greg fitzsimmons and stuff like we stole it on purpose we spoke about it to each other we said like dude

if i'm on the road and i'm bombing i'm doing your shit like we made agreements with each other but even though i told those people his joke and it wasn't my joke, I still felt like I was full of shit. And it fucked with me for years. Do you know what I do every time now? I do stand-up. My buddy Sam Brown,

who is a great comic, died of pancreatic cancer about two months ago. And I was really close to him. I knew him for 20 years. And he was the first headliner I'd ever seen who would crush. He was from Boston. And now every show,

I steal one of his jokes. It's like my little homage to him. I just put it in there. I just kind of slide it in. That's funny. Because I know I wrote on his deathbed. Unfortunately, he couldn't talk, but his wife read it to him. I wrote, I said, listen, man, you're one of the greatest comics.

You always made me laugh. If there's any way I can have your material, I mean, you don't need it anymore. I fucking wrote that. And she read it to him, but I don't think he was able to. I don't think he was conscious, but I hope he could hear it. I hope I made him laugh before he died. By the way, I recorded two podcasts with him. One, he knew he

was dying on my podcast. So it's pretty cool. Pretty moving. You can do my shit if I die. I'll do your shit always that's what i want to do i'll send you some of my notes he had great he had great bits man he was he had great bits he would talk about smallest dick i'll be behind the grid going dude no no you the order up oh my god man your jokes would be hard to steal though because like i was watching you this weekend and one of the things i loved was it was almost like you were you were you were because i know a lot of the stuff is new and so so much of it was just you kind of having an experience it's like

what i like about your stand-up is you're always kind of having an experience and you're doing it for you and you're working something out and you're looking at how weirdly how weird we are structured as a society our minds are why we do things that make no sense, why contextually something makes sense, but then it doesn't in this case. And it was so fun to watch because I was like, you know, the comedy is almost secondary to the experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's funny, yes.

But you're almost like, I really think people are watching you kind of have your own very authentic and unique experience, verbal experience. That's what I felt like. I come away with a very different perspective. It's very inspiring to me because I start writing differently. Really? Yeah, when I see you, it's what I love about having friends that inspire me, which you've always done. That's who your friends should be.

You know, I know you, I have friends that are wonderful that I play grab ass with, but then you have friends that are like, that really inspire you to be better and push you just by their example. Well, they make you better. They make you better.

You make me better. Good, I like hearing that. Unquestionably. We all make each other better. But you always, your bar has always been, I don't know how to describe where you place the bar but i always would watch you and i've seen you at your best i've seen you when your shit is fucking so tight and you're just a machine gun like i remember when you were younger i'd never seen you did something to a crowd in new

york i remember it was i was with patty jenkins you were a fucking machine gun. It was like literally these New Yorkers, like all these comics got them, and then Joe Rogan gets up, and it was literally like, we were like looking at each other going, what the fuck is this? And what it was was somebody who had never taken a day off

and had only been working on being as authentic with their experience. And what a lot of people don't know about your early stuff is you were so good at impressions. You did all of it. It was funny, but really true. truth so for me it was just literally like a fucking tsunami we were like jesus christ that's how you do stand-up that's how you do it good luck

anybody trying to follow that fucking ball of fucking energy because you just come on like there were certain bits that i couldn't i couldn't follow myself oh my god i had to do them last like you were so physical like muscular but really flexible like you do weird shit like fall into the splits i remember one time we had a meeting remember we were pitching a tv show and we're sitting on the couch and it's like i think it was with eric tannenbaum and like big producers and you go and and we were talking about martial arts and you go yeah i'm flexible and i was like yeah i'm flexible too and you go yeah but you can talking about martial arts, and you go, yeah, I'm flexible. And I was like, yeah, I'm flexible too. And you go, yeah, but you can't do this. And you grabbed your ankles and fucking pulled them up

and you did the splits in the air. And we were all like, what the fuck is that? What is that? He's like, made of rubber. And you used to bring that shit to the stage. And it's just really wild to watch you kind of continue to grow and change your expression. Well, you just keep adding information to the pile.

You keep adding your learned experiences. So if you're still into it, you don't diminish your focus. My focus is a real wrestling match because like in Steven Pressfield's books, he talks about distractions and different things that you... You guys should read his book. I will. I certainly battle with those things. But I also battle with other things that I enjoy,

like what he calls distractions, that I think make me better. I think the better I get at pool, this seems really strange, but the better I am at comedy. And right now, I've never been better at comedy, and I've never been better at pool. I've got this weird thing going on

where I can tune in to... To me, it seems to be about tuning in to whatever the fuck I'm trying to do, whether it's jujitsu, whether it's pool, but it's stand-up comedy. But I have to have that same sort of intensity and energy. And if I dwindle, if I drop below a certain level, I can't rely on my learned experiences with stand-up.

I can't rely on the past. I have to constantly be maintaining a certain amount of current interest in writing new stuff. That's what I was going to say. What I think the secret to your success is, and I always try to tell people this, because people get very frustrated and discouraged by the process of accomplishment.

Because there are so many plateaus, and you're always, always, like a lot of people, well, this didn't work out, and I'm not good at it. And I'll just say this to everybody, because I've been pretty successful, and I have people come up to me,

and when you do a show, they want to take pictures pictures and they look at you as a success in this business. And you being one of my closest friends, you had a critique of my recent special on Showtime, which I wasn't very happy with. But what was great about it is you said, hey, Brian, you could be way better than you are. Now, I shot a fucking Showtime special. A lot of people are like, whoa, you shot shot a special i'm not working on my second but you said you're you're putting a little too much english on the ball okay a little too a little too slick playing around and what that does what and of course i know it's a trick of course of course i've done it it's a great i look back at my old stuff where i did that it's the grossest feeling of all that's okay because what what it means is that no matter where you are in your career you've always got to be

assessing you've always got to be taking yourself to task and kind of taking a look at yourself objectively and going I gotta work a little harder I'm watching my last special that I edited it's the best shit I've ever done and I can't even watch it I was like oh I look so stupid

I fucking talk too much even when I stumble through like like one I'll sell I'll fuck up the the the one word you know when one will have one little stumble in there and it's just like watching a puppy get hit with a hammer the first time first time I saw myself on camera was when I was a wrestler and I was 14 and I walked out on the mat when I and I used to think I was the baddest guy on the planet. I looked at this video, and I went,

well, who the fuck is the kid with rickets? Who the fuck is that? It was me. I've never been more devastated. I was like, I'm that skinny in a singlet? I'm never wrestling again. I'll go out in a burka before I fucking go out in a singlet. That's an affront.

That's a horrible affront. My buddy wrote a book um which i told you you should have them on your podcast his name is hunter motz he wrote a book called a straight a conspiracy he speaks 10 languages fluently this kid graduated from harvard with a biochemistry degree okay and i said why'd you write the book he said well i said oh i said how do you learn 10 languages fluently and and he's fluent and he said oh it's because i it's because i i know i can do it. And everybody who learns languages or math thinks they can't because they have an emotional context around it.

That's all. And I went, well, what does that mean? He said, I'm writing a book about it. I'll tell you about it later. I had him on my podcast. He wrote a book called The Straight A Conspiracy. And if you look at all the science around learning, which he did, one of the things that they find for sure is that people have these myths about themselves. I'm not a math person. I am a math person. I'm artistic. I'm not artistic. I'm musical. I'm not musical. If you actually look at the science that's being done about learning and why some people are very good at some things and others are not, I'm talking broad scope here, what you find is that the emotional context with which they learn something

has everything to do with whether or not they're going to excel at that. Everything. So in other words, whatever emotional state you approach learning something, growing at something, means everything. It's what it's all about. If you are in a pleasant environment where somebody makes it fun for you, you're going to learn it. Why are a lot of Asian people, so the stereotype goes, like Chinese people good at math and a lot of Americans aren't? I'll tell you why. If you read Malcolm Gladwell's book, The Outliers,

or my buddy's book, Straight Outta Conspiracy, it has to do with a culture that says, well, yeah, this math problem is really hard, and I guess I'll be here for the next two and a half hours. Americans are like, I'm not going to sit here for two and a half hours. I got shit to do. This is fucking really hard. Guess what?

Not a math person. And then your parents go, yeah, he's not good at math. Isn't it fascinating, though, that the culture that is the least inclined to do that hard work is the culture that has the best art well we also have the best math and science surprisingly because we we have a we have immigrants competition too and the competition's fierce and the the possibilities are pretty intense i also happen to believe that that's that is the reason we're so good at art and things is because it is we place emphasis on the individual. It's your individual expression is what you can benefit from, and we have freedom to do it.

You can't be expressive. Can you imagine having your podcast in Russia? I can't even imagine having my podcast in America in a few years. That's what's really a problem. What's really a problem is the more you get shit like this National Defense Authorization Act, the more these different laws are passed that slowly but surely take away your right to say certain things. They just outlawed protests at military funerals. The government has recently reinstated propaganda.

They're allowed now, they haven't been since the 1940s, to actively use propaganda on the American people. That's legal now. And all this shit is going on while the internet is growing, while people's access to information is just flying at them. It's like this desperate,

last clawing attempt at a dying culture to hold on to power. And it's disgusting. It's disgusting that anybody would ever allow the government to use propaganda, meaning mislead, lie, and distort the truth for the public in order to emphasize their point. That you would give that power to the government is so beyond sick.

But as long as you realize that that is always going to be the case and that you have to always be aware of that. Right. The problem is that it's happening, though. The problem is that it's a trend. It's happening. And it takes a lot to stop a trend. It takes a lot to back it up. You know why?

How do you stop it? You write to your representative. I mean, what happens after a while is I start to feel like I'm not represented. Right. I start to feel like if I'm not a corporation with a lot of money to buy lobbyists. No, you're not. I don't have a way of influencing my government. For example, New York Times ran an article recently

about I travel a lot, as do you. And when you walk through the two boxes where you put your feet and you understand. Yeah, you put your hands up in the air. I'm not talking about the phone board that goes around you. I'm talking about the two boxes you walk through. Well, that's radiation. And the New York Times wrote an article,

and it was about a week ago if you guys want to look it up, about the fact that they actually aren't too sure how much radiation you're getting. They think it might be one-tenth of a chest X-ray in some cases. More importantly, they don't maintain them as well. They had some crazy number of maintenance requests, many of which were not met. You're putting your trust into the TSA.

They're probably good people doing the best they can, and in some ways they do a great job. But the fact that I didn't know that I was being blasted with radiation, no matter how small, not doing it. I don't do that. I have them pat me down. Did anybody ever get creepy with you when you asked for a pat down? I was hoping they would, but they didn't.

Not, I mean, creepy sexually. No, no, no. Because Graham Hancock, who's a guy I've had on the podcast before. He's from England. He came to America and he didn't trust the radiation of the machine. He said they violently, like, almost assaulted him. Oh, really? Yeah, he said it was very rape-like.

They grabbed his cock, like, the whole deal. No, they were really polite to me, actually. They went, all right, no problem. I think it's, you know, who you get. You might get some guy who doesn't like English people. Dude has an accent. He's like, I'm not going to go through there. I'm actually impressed with the TSA and how professional a lot of them are.

I'm actually impressed with how courteous they are. You're such a fucking Fox News contrarian. I would have known that you were going to say that. If we brought up the, what about TSA? Cunts? You know what? Actually, statistically, the TSA. Because I like everybody.

Because I like everybody. I have no like result. By the way, just for the record, everybody everybody i violate all my rules in the show i don't believe as an actor i should be talking about anything including politics but i can't help it i'm like anyway as an actor how would you say as an actor as a comic you're you're a comic if you're a comic you should be you know that ridiculous idea that you should be able to talk about anything except religion or politics? Well, that alone is just like a cry or a call, rather, to a middling state of mind. Well, the bummer is that every time I—

To a noncommunication. I think if you're not politically committed to some extent, then it's at your own peril. If everybody wants to be ignorant about what's going on in their world and politics, then good luck trying to change anything, and more importantly, good luck being able to see what's happening before it does. Most people don't have the fucking time, man. That's part of the problem. Most people have lives, they have jobs

and children and all that other stuff that goes along with them, hobbies. But you have time to develop a philosophy. You don't have to worry about the minutiae, but you should have time. My point is that what you were saying earlier is that they don't have to worry about the minutiae. My point is what you were saying earlier, is that they don't feel like they're being represented, so they don't feel like their efforts put into it have any great reward.

You know, they feel like completely... There's a lot of people, I think a good percentage, more than half, that feel completely alienated from the system. And that's a conservative estimate. If you say that half the people in this country feel alienated from the system, that's a failing system. No matter how you look at it and the problem is people don't feel rewarded for investing in a failing system when a guy like obama gets the nobel peace prize and

then sends 30 000 more fucking troops to afghanistan and everybody's like jesus christ man like what what kind of system is this who would? Who would have said that that's okay? Who would have wanted their sons to go? Who would have wanted their brother to go? Get the fuck out of here. That's nonsense. That's craziness. But yet it's happening.

So we don't feel represented. I bet you, I wonder if Obama himself feels in a lot of ways like a listless play thing. I wonder. You know what I mean? I bet you his biggest complaint is the fact that he doesn't have any power at all. I bet you that he makes it well. He knows that if he makes one decision,

he's going to appease 50% of the people and piss off the other 50%. I mean, it's got to be a strange job. If you just stop and think about who you are before you become president, if you take out all the nonsense, the tinfoil hat stuff about the Illuminati running things,

and let's just pretend for a brief moment that maybe elections are real, okay? And maybe Obama is just a regular dude who became a senator, who's a regular dude who ran for president, who activated a big wellspring of hope in his people, and then they put him into office, and then once he gets in there, then he has to deal with these international banks. He has to deal with things like halliburton he has to deal with people like dick cheney rumsfeld think about all the people that were in power before him think about all the people that he has to communicate with think about all the shit that went down in

that office think about all the people that died all over the world because of the actions of the group of people he replaced and think about what that must feel like to step into those shoes and then all of a sudden you realize you are at the helm of a murder machine you are at the helm of a thing that is in every single part of the world not only that it's also a huge octopus that is not being run by one particular no it's being one it's being pilfered by a bunch of different interests, but they're profiting in massive, massive amounts on war itself. Boeing and Raytheon and all those companies that make a lot of money off of what Eisenhower called

the military-industrial complex. And so as a president, do you feel like when you get in there, you just slowly try to put on the brakes? I mean, how much control does a guy have because it doesn't seem like much I think we deviated much from Bush to Obama at all and in fact they cracked down on secrecy issues and cracked down on prosecuting people for leaking information and Obama was was very very much about the drone program special forces he made a joke about using the drones if someone tried to drink to date his daughters

He made a joke in one of those, you know They do is one of those functions where he does one-liners Obama got up there and he made a joke about If you were dating his daughters, he has one word for you drones Yeah, well It's kind of funny, but not if when you're the president That's not when thousands of civilians have been murdered by drones thousands of innocent civilians i i don't know what the number is now but it was in the thousands someone sent me all the statistics on twitter

they've killed a lot of bad guys but but again it was what we were talking about with farm factory farming when you have people in nevada and flor Florida who go to a room and they kill people who are a thousand miles away via camera and with these drones. Think about that. My joke was the war hero in 20 years is going to be the chubby guy with huge thumb muscles that smells like Doritos and weed.

He's a gamer. He's being hooked up on AlphaBrain. There is a psychological component when you're removing yourself from the actual... When when you're a marine you're they're drawing a bead you're shooting a guy and you know you're running and you're and you you see the guy die and stuff when you're in a room in your country and you go home after after operating these drones and killing whatever it might be maybe it's one person maybe 25 whatever it is or you drop a thousand pound bomb on or shoot a hellfire missile whatever whatever comes out of those things, that raises a lot

of questions. It raises a lot of questions when we're this removed from the actual experience of killing. And what we were talking about earlier, it's all connected. The sociopath does not have that feeling of connection and only feels pleasure when they win. sociopath does not have that feeling of connection and only feels pleasure when they win and What is war but completely sociopathic behavior? And what is friendship other than non sociopathic behavior the connection that you get with people? Being the most important thing we were talking about when we were doing this podcast that we've created an environment

We've created a there's it's not as simple as this is a show Environment we've created a there's it's not as simple as this is a show it's a bunch of people tuning into the show and getting like a positive thing out of it and having Conversations like this and these conversations take place in their head and they experience it They they learn from it they it gives them hope it gives them a mindset that they can they can accomplish something with It gives them a you know, how many fucking people I've had come up to me and go, dude, since I've listened to your podcast, I've lost 70 pounds, I start drinking kale shakes.

They come to me every fucking show. It's incredible. It's also important when you have a debate and we have a discussion like we do to actually take a look at the, where to place the focus. For example, a lot of people say, well, the military,

well, the military, there are a lot of people in the military who are carrying out these, who are doing these things that never agreed with the war in the first place. I mean, we have a civilian government that controls the military, that makes these decisions for the military. The military just carries out orders. That's how our government works. The military has a job to do. If you send them into a war zone, they're going to get the job done. And a lot of guys, I mean, I know, I went to Afghanistan, but I know enough people in the armed forces. A lot of men in the armed forces and women have an ideology that they believe in. It's this country, it's the things that they'll do, and they come in, they're loyal servants, they risk their fucking lives, and they

go do their job. And a lot of them get maimed, they lose their arms, they lose their friends, and everything else. I think that when you start to look at how this war has gone over the past 11 years, and I'm talking about Afghanistan and Iraq, you've got to be very, very conscientious about not only how this really started, who were the architects, who was the intellectual force, who was the argument behind it, how did this happen, how did this turn into a huge snowball? And the reason you should know about that is because your lives and other people's lives depend on it in the future. Yeah, we just don't feel like they do now.

We'll get ourselves into another situation. You know, my buddy... It's not we're, though. That's what's really going on. I'm sorry? It's not we're going to get ourselves into another situation. Somebody else is going to do it.

Well, my buddy... I think I put it on Red Band's thing, on Death Squad, but my buddy who I interviewed, who was a special forces guy, who was a real, I don't know what he does, but I know he's very much involved. He was the baddest guy I ever knew growing up. And he said, he just said about the war effort, he watched what's happening. He'd been in Iraq for, I guess, seven years. And he said, Iraq is a country now. We've created a mini Saddam and this guy Maliki. He is now, he's a Shiite. He has got police squads that report directly to him. So what we, we go into Iraq, there's this notion that, well, he's got the fourth largest army in the world. We've got to stop him from,

you know, dropping a weapon in al-Qaeda's hands. There's the arguments and stuff. What we've done in some ways, if you look at Iraq, with the exception of Kurdistan and stuff, is that we've really destroyed that country. A lot of people are dead. And we've put into place somebody who is keeping his people or has a potential of keeping his people in the same kind of oppression, technically, as Saddam did.

Now, what is the objective? What are we doing? Was this worth it? Was it worth killing all those people? Was it worth all those soldiers that didn't come back and many more who were wounded? That's the question.

And more importantly, what lessons can be learned? What do we have to learn from Iraq and Afghanistan? What do we have to learn so we don't get ourselves into the situation again? Sometimes war is inevitable, man.

It is. That wasn't an inevitable one. That was one that we got tricked into. Okay. But how do we not get tricked the next time? Well, we have the internet now. I think we have a completely different sort of playing field than what existed back when Bush and Cheney dragged us into the Iraq war. I think the internet has evolved far past where it is. That's why things like WikiLeaks are so terrifying to the powers that be It's real hard to get away with shit Even with the internet though, there's so much countervailing information too, like you get one argument and you get another

Yeah, but that's just debate. I'm talking about straight information I think that the the access to information is ultimately changing the world that we live in and it's happening so quickly and These kind of conversations really weren't commonplace when we were kids The access to information is ultimately changing the world that we live in, and it's happening so quickly. These kind of conversations really weren't commonplace when we were kids. When we were 16 and 17, our parents weren't having these kind of conversations. They just weren't. It's a different world. We know more about how things work, and because of that, it makes it harder and harder to

accomplish fuckery. Still going on right now, but ultimately it's got to die off. In order for us to have any sort of religious society, we're going to have to evolve past that and realize, just as you and I realize as friends and as members of our community, that it's not necessary. And that kind of energy that you put out to control people and to profit from other people's losses is totally non-beneficial to you as well. Just because you're pulling it off under the guise of a corporation doesn't mean that you are immune to the negative rebound of that, because you're not.

And you want to call it karma. You want to call it what goes around comes around. Whatever you want to call it, it's real. it what goes around comes around whatever you want to call it it's real okay i have experienced it i am walking proof of it my whole life is proof of it i i have been i've the the negative things that i've ever done in my life i have felt in great deep detail and rebounded as much as possible to turn that terrible feeling into positive energy. And that is why I've been a happy person my whole life. But do you think that's because, because I always wonder, I try to help people, a friend

of mine who's going through a tough time now, and I realize that one of the reasons that he's going through a hard time is he's not in any way actually really confronted and asked himself what he wants yeah you can't you can't get a guy to do that though but but don't you think that that's a success is the fact that you've already you've always been able to see in technicolor what you wanted and what you wanted to be or or is that well you know what it is um First of all, it's just pressing forward. That's constant. That constant need to write new shit, to do different things, that constant need to be in motion,

the constant need to be doing something, whether it's doing jujitsu or playing pool or writing more jokes or getting on stage, that forward momentum, that is a constant. That is the reason why I've done everything. That's like passion, right? Yeah, yeah. And you can transfer it. It's like the Miyamoto Musashi quote. Once you understand the way

broadly, you can see it in all things. It's like the idea that once you lock on to what it is to really focus and get good at something, then you can... But it's also that it's really satisfying to accomplish things. It's really satisfying to write things. It's really satisfying to write things. It's really satisfying to do shows.

I don't even know why I did it, but I've always wanted to play the drums. I've been taking drums for a year now. It's actually changed not only my comedy, but my sports. I pick up on shit really fast now. Wow. Because with the drums,

I'm having to do one thing with my foot, one thing with this hand, one thing with this, one this. So my brain is firing. It's firing. So it's changed the way I read. It's changed the way I do stand-up. It's really wild.

It's a really good mental. And I'm listening differently. I'm never going to be in a band, by the way. Right, but you're just enjoying it. I'm just enjoying it. I love that. I think that's very important to life. And I think a lot of people,

there's a lot of people that have falsely rewarded being a lazy cunt. And they're like, I'd rather just sit in front of the TV, chill with my beers, watch TV. Let me tell you something.

This is the real reality of life. If you don't earn something, you won't appreciate it. It's why people win the lottery and they lose all their money within a year. When you earn something, you appreciate it it's why people win the lottery and they lose all their money within a year when you earn something you appreciate it it is it is a golden steadfast rule of life and if you're laying around on the couch

watching TV and you haven't done anything to deserve that or getting drunk doesn't feel good it doesn't feel good it doesn't you feel like a fucking loser but when I do something like if I write and I blast out three or four hours of really good shit and I'm like, yes, I feel good. I feel fired up. I can't wait to do a show.

I can go watch TV and I can enjoy it. I can go watch Mountain Men and I enjoy watching these fucking guys. Here's what I think works for me. I sit down and I go like this. I go, what do I want to do

and what am I going to regret not doing when I'm 90? I say to myself. I go, what do I want to, what do I want to do? And what am I going to regret not doing when I'm 90? You know, I say to myself, I go, what do I really want to do? And I go, and what do I want to do in three months or six months and stuff like that? And then I literally, I structure my day. And I think you can do this no matter who you are. You structure your day. So you go, you wake up every morning, you go, what action, just one action, maybe two actions, whatever. What action can I take today just to get a little closer to that goal?

I just want it just to get a little closer. Whatever it is. Maybe it's 20 minutes of practicing your takedowns or whatever it might be. I want to get my black belt in jiu-jitsu. I want to be able to play drums in a band. Whatever it might be. I want to be able to speak a language. Who the fuck's calling me during my podcast, goddammit?

It's Brian Redband. Maybe he's calling to tell me that the show's calling me during my podcast God damn it It's Brian Redband Maybe he's calling to tell me that the show's down Hey boo you're live on the air His mic's out It's really quiet Well he keeps backing up That's what it is Yeah

Sorry guys Oh really Yeah you can't be talking back They're all casual bitch Okay I gotta get in It's really quiet. Well, he keeps backing up. That's what it is. Yeah. Sorry, guys. Oh, really? Yeah, you can't be talking back. They're all casual, bitch. Okay, I got to get in. Thanks, Brian. This is technical information delivered via telephone, ladies and gentlemen. Brian Redband on the scene.

Follow him, Redband, on Twitter. All right, buddy. I'll see you. And me, Brian Callen, at Brian Callen on Twitter. I respond to all my Twitters. By the way. What were we talking about before the phone rang? I wasn't saying anything very important, probably.

But this idea that we were talking about before of community, of all influencing each other in a positive way, that gets lost in big numbers. And the problem is, we could have a great tribe of like 50 people and keep it together and have the most awesome utopia. As I've heard Boulder described. Boulder is like a really small mountain community but it's so small it's like it really almost is like a functional working utopia but i think that we could do that it's

possible to do that as a country we just have to get more people in tune to thinking correctly and most people are just never taught how to think. They're never taught that they can manage their consciousness. They've never been taught that there are patterns that a mind can go down that's self-destructive, completely self-destructive, and also totally unnecessary. And you have to learn, like, all the times I've blown my cool for nothing, and still do.

I mean, I might be in my car, retard, and hit the horn and fucking pass somebody. mean, I might be in my car. Retard! And hit the horn and fucking pass somebody. It was just so pointless. So stupid. I freaked out today at the airport. And it's almost always a sign that I'm doing too much. It's always a sign of some sort of external stress it's affecting,

whatever it is. But when you can see that, if you can see that, and if you can go in the right direction if we could fucking influence a giant group of people to go in the right direction then you really can change something well that really can't change but that starts that starts with individuals really asking so it starts with inspiration yeah it doesn't always start with individuals asking themselves what they want sometimes it starts with inspiration where you doesn't always start with individuals asking themselves what they want. Sometimes it starts with inspiration where you realize there's no

difference between them and me. They were losers too. I've been a loser. I've been a fucking failure in my life. Hardcore. I've had people say like, did you ever bomb on stage? I'm like, oh my Christ, did I bomb. I bombed so hard. I bombed so hard

where no one who ever watched me that day would have ever thought that I could ever be funny. Ever. You know, I had a girl send me a short film. Her name is Diana. And she sent me a film. And she wrote basically a movie, a short film about her experience with a guy on a date.

And the guy was me. Oh, shit. She never told me that, but she sent it to me. And a date and the guy was me she never told me but she sent it to me and i and all the lines the guy was making saying were the lines i had said to her and let me tell you something man i i called her up and i went diana i go i'm so sorry i was such a fucking arrogant prick i was such a dick because i didn't even understand you were a woman and i had a projected notion of what you were what you thought and i thought i was so much smarter than you were and you were looking at me like i was a guinea pig in a fucking maze like a like a rat in a maze like literally like look at

this monkey talk to me like i'm an idiot trying to fuck me yeah exactly and he's just hitting me with all these things and he's just a dick literally i looked at i was just appalled i was appalled at who i was and it's just because i didn't know any better i just didn't i had preconceived notions of what women were preconceived notions of how they thought preconceived notions of what a man was supposed to be well it's all those experiences by the time you get to your 20s and you know you're you're having experiences with women these are not the very first of all social experiences when you're involving people that are sexually attracted to each other are very complicated.

They're very awkward. There's plenty of room for misunderstanding. There's plenty of room for offending people, putting out bad vibes, being too forward, being too, you know, it's a very strange sort of a situation anyway. So we're not good at navigating it, you know? And we, you know, when you're young young especially you'll say the dumbest fucking shit and most of the time you fucking hate yourself after it's over you know you know you didn't want to do that it's just it's like you being thrown in a major league baseball game and someone telling you to hit that ball that fucking thing's flying at me that's exactly right you're really not prepared for that extreme experience there's no manual for life

well not only that I mean how much did your fucking parents I don't know how much your parents taught you but how much did your parents teach you about dating zero I was just talking about that with my son I was like I didn't really I wasn't really taught the women the complexity of the female psyche I'm definitely going to have to have a talk with my son about that

oh yeah that's going to be I mean that's so going to have to have a talk with my son about that. Oh, yeah. That's going to be... I mean, it's so important to try to actually raise a kid that can understand what's next on the horizon. Give them a little heads up of, like, this is what I went through. That would fucking help a lot. When it comes to dating, my fucking parents didn't give me any dating advice. Also, because you're also given a very weird archetypal notion of what masculinity is too like that's also like being what i didn't even know what what a man defined was it was difficult i had an example what's to

everybody it's different you know i mean what it is a man is a person who does this is what i believe a man is a person who does what he wants and what makes him happy as long as he's not hurting other people and who actually follows through and does what he wants as opposed to someone who's someone's bitch if you let me tell you something if you're a gay guy okay and you're not out there blowing guys because you're worried about what other people think you're somebody's bitch right whether you realize it or not yeah you're the bitch of all the prejudice people that want to stop people from being gay and if you're a man you'll go out there and

suck some cock that's that's reality that's true because that's what life is what i like you you probably don't but it's my right to like what i like and being a man is going after what you like and if you want to fucking take the easy way out and take some some job that you know you can do instead of pursue a career in writing books or pursue a career racing horses, whatever the fuck you're compelled to. Steve Pressfield in Going Pro had the best example. He said, you may have your degree in comparative literature,

you may have a PhD in comparative literature and teach comparative literature, but guess what? You should have written a novel. So that's just a form of high-tech procrastination. So you're right. It's really a question of going for what you want. And a real man can be a guy who fights in the cage

or a guy who's a nurse in a fucking hospital, you know? Yes. Whatever it is that you're doing, whatever you're supposed to do, wherever you're supposed to place your energy, giving, helping, and growing. Yeah. And that's what we need to teach kids, and there's no better or worse.

If you're supposed to be a carpenter, that's what, if you really enjoy it. I have a buddy who be a carpenter, if you really enjoy it, I have a buddy who's a carpenter back home, and he fucking loves it. He loves buildings. He loves the art of putting together a great room. He loves it when it's done. He loves that you look in this room,

and it's all mapped out. You're following the architect's plans, and you're laying down things, and next thing you know, three months later, whatever it is, look what the fucking awesome kitchen you guys just built. Holy shit. He gets a deep feeling of satisfaction from that.

And he makes a good living. He's got a good company doing that. But it's because that's what he's passionate about. It's because he actually enjoys his work. And it doesn't matter if it's that or if it's being in a fucking band or if it's being a stand-up or whatever it is. If you don't follow that shit,

that's when you're're you're fucking yourself man our our dear friend sam sheridan said uh he goes i was talking about how i want i was watching ufc every time i watched a little part of me dies because i want to be a fighter no you don't no i know but that's what he said he goes brian he goes brian you are supposed to and i've always been supposed to be a stand-up comic dude you found what you're supposed to do you you were not supposed to be a fighter or anything else you weren't doing comedy yeah I remember you told me you go you're missing out on the best thing in the world what are you what are you doing I got back into it because of you but I also I remember watching Dane Cook back in the day and I was like

that dude is crushing a room and I want I gotta get back into this you wanted to crush I just loved I loved it I was like I'm watching him have so much why did you stop i i don't know because i'm crazy well you weren't doing real stand-up when i first met you when i first met you i couldn't get spots and i was like fuck it and i was trying to be an actor we first started hanging out you had this act that was like you had taken every alternative act that you saw and tried to duplicate it and i remember talking to you about it going that isn't even you man what. What are you doing? You're going up there, and you're doing what these fucking

weirdo, judgmental dorks want you to do. You're doing what you think they're going to enjoy from you. That's what's so satisfying to me now, especially about the stuff I'm doing now. You're being yourself. This weekend at the American Comedy Club. San Diego.

San Diego. Amazing club, by the way. And it's filled with great comedy. If you're living in San Diego, San Diego finally has a real comedy club. And in Chicago, August 23rd. They have national headliners there every weekend. The Comedy Store in La Jolla is a great club,

but you could get fucked there, and they could send down one of those old school headliners from the 1970s that hasn't written a joke in 100 years and doesn't work anywhere else other than the Comedy Store.'ll send those down to la jolla on occasion i don't know if they're still doing that but back in the day you would look at the lineup and go oh my god no that's the headliner no you almost wanted to like call the people and go please just stay because that show would be so bad it would they would never want to go see stand-up comedy again no and it's true as you get older and if you're trying to be a real trying to do something it what happens i think what's

supposed to happen is you become a comic is you start stripping away all that other stuff and more and more of who you really are yeah is kind of expressed that's what's so satisfying to me you know yeah for sure man you're learning how to talk on stage yeah instead of you were just like you were when i first met you you were doing this fake thing. Porn rabbits out of hats. And then you became just this really silly guy. It was really silly. But I was always weirded out by the fact that you were so silly, but then we would have

these deep fucking intense conversations. And I was like, where's that on stage? And then I thought about it. I'm like, well, you know, that's a choice. That's an artistic thing. Like, look at Hedberg, one of my favorite comics ever. And there's no message in that. It was all comics ever. And there's no message in that. It was all silliness.

And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm a silly goose. There's a large part of me that's always, I can't help it. But it's funny that you're so intense often. It's like there's a real balance to that. And it's a good quality that you have

that it's missing in a lot of men where they somehow or another equate weakness with silly. Yeah, because i don't think i think the biggest mistake a man can make is taking himself seriously yes don't take yourself too seriously man there's always somebody faster stronger funnier better smarter just just do only what you can do and always don't be afraid to fucking take the pressure off yourself man don't be afraid to kind of just make fun of yourself there There's nothing wrong with it. There's a lot of power in that.

Yeah, you don't understand that when you try to not take the hits, that the rebounds double, triple the effect. Because you're not learning. Not only are you not taking the hit, but you're not learning from the hit. Because every time you take the hit, it makes you better. You've got to take the hit emotionally.

You've got to take the hit psychologically. You've got to take the hit with your ego to take the hit psychologically you got to take the hit with your ego you got to fucking fail in life it's an important ingredient to success the the other thing that i don't you agree i 100 agree with that the 100 and and the other the other thing that that the the as you were talking i was thinking about the other thing you get from it which is when when you take when you allow yourself to be a little bit of a silly goose or you allow yourself to be vulnerable or whatever it is yeah and make fun of yourself what'll happen is that people around you feel safer yes and what they'll do is they won't be on their guard because a lot of times we come at a situation if you come in a situation from a power angle or whatever that

person's guard will go up immediately and you won't see who they really are well think about this how disappointing is it when you meet someone and you have like a level of adulation for them you you you know you're they're famous you're you're fan and they're a dick the the rebound is stunning it's stunning and hurtful i mean it's it's incredible yeah but on the other side when you approach someone and they're like really normal and nice what a warm feeling that is what like because you're coming at them in an unfair way it's like we had burt kreischer on the ice house chronicles and he was talking about his experience with gene simmons and apparently he did that show the x show and gene simmons was a fucking complete cunt to him

and gene simmons like told him not to talk. Yeah, told him he wouldn't be interviewing him. They were just going to make this girl interview him. And he was a huge Kiss fan before this. So when this happened, it was completely devastating to Burt. And having Burt relay this, and then having all of us share our experiences. I was talking about I met Robin Williams last week. But he was real normal, real nice guy. But it was still fucking Robin Williams. You know what I mean? He didn't have to be normal. He didn't have, like real nice guy. But it was still, it was fucking Robin Williams. You know what I mean?

Like he didn't have to be normal. He didn't have to be a nice guy. It could have been weird because when you meet someone like that, there's a weird imbalance. If you're talking to Tom Cruise, I don't care how many gay jokes you have in the back of your head, those won't pop into your head when you meet him. You'll be like, holy shit, I hope he likes me.

I want him to like me. I spent an hour and a half. I did a reading with him for three hours, and I spent an hour and a half with him at a party. And believe me, I was like, maybe he'll be my best friend. And by the way, I'm a reading with him for three hours and I spent an hour and a half with him at a party. Believe me, I was like, maybe he'll be my best friend. By the way, I'm a straight guy. I think he's straight, actually.

Shut your fucking mouth. All I know is I'm looking at him going, he's a really good looking guy. I was like, you know what? He's Tom Cruise. We're talking. We're having a good conversation. If Tom Cruise wanted to,

he'd be like, hey, I'll be your best friend. You make out with me for 10 minutes. I'd be like, I got to think about it. Don't you make out with Tom Cruise? I'd have to think about it because then I could be your best friend. You make out with me for 10 minutes. I'd be like, I got to think about it. Don't you make out with Tom Cruise? I'd have to think about it because then I could be best friends with him. Well, I think that is just... Hold on, hold on.

Isn't that the John John Wolf I'm talking about? Would I make out with Tom Cruise? 1,000% as a straight man. You know why? Because I'd be able to tell you about it. Are you fucking kidding me? Are you kidding? What?

Yeah. For the record, for the record. Open mouth. I'd be like, Tom, come over here. By the way, he's kind of pretty. He's kind of pretty. So yes, I would. Would you enforce your weight on him a little bit and press him backwards just to make him

a little bend to your will a little bit? Without question. But I'd also be looking. You'd be the first phone call I'd make. You'd be the first phone call I'd make. And I'd go, dude, sit down for a second. I got something to tell you. I'm a straight man.

I bub slapped. man i i bub slapped and i mean bub slapped for 10 minutes with tom cruise and his hands were rolling we can make that happen with john travolta we just have to put you in the proximity can't do it you wouldn't do it with john no he's too gay he's gay yeah i can't i'm not i'm not gonna make it it's like when my agent sent me a thing he's violently to audition for queer folk you know which was that show on showtime and and the first thing was I have to be making out with this guy I was like listen call me and I go look I'm not a homophobe I'm really not and I'm actually in favor of gay marriage and all that I go, but I'm you got to know who I am

I'm Brian Callan and I'm straight guy and if you think I'm waking up every fucking morning at 6 a.m And go on a set and making out with some dude After after getting rid of my coffee breath. You're out of your fucking mind and there's not enough money that I would do that with. Here's the problem. This is one of the reasons

why I wouldn't be into doing it. It's not that I'm not open-minded, but I don't like watching guys kiss. So I don't want to do a movie where guys kiss because that's not my kind of movie. I'm squeamish about it. You wanted me to do a movie

where I turn into a werewolf? I'm down. I never saw Brokeback Mountain, actually. I saw it. It was awesome. I had movie i'm squeamish about it you wanted me to do a movie where i saw into a werewolf i never i never saw brokeback mountain actually i saw it it was awesome i had a great five minute bit about it it's fucking hilarious i laughed through so much of that movie a child you know why because i enjoyed it and people were there was a lot i had this conversation with somebody like you know like well you know it's because of your narrow minded point of view that you didn't enjoy it but i enjoyed the fuck out of it i bet i enjoyed it more than you yeah okay because i enjoyed it as the fuck out of it. I bet I enjoyed it more than you. Yeah. Okay, because I enjoyed it as, even if, yes, it is

a beautiful love story and it is sad and oddly romantic, it's still also hilarious. I enjoyed both aspects of it. I'm not close minded or homophobic, but I enjoyed the love thing that they had going on, but I also enjoyed cagling like a fucking school child every time they were kissing each

other. You're bitter. I remember you you were like two men making out is in fact hilarious yeah it's hilarious it's not there's nothing wrong with it being funny it's not like i'm telling you not to do it but if you're telling me there should be less funny in the world you can go fuck yourself exactly and if you're telling me that what you want to do if i think it's funny hurts you i think you're a bitch right okay because if you start making fun of having sex with girls Yeah, I'm not gonna get I'm not feeling so I can get hurt look well You're a majority there a minority get the fuck over it if you like fucking guys You should laugh your ass off when dudes talk about you fucking guys because that's what you enjoy

Humor is the greatest fucking equalizer speaking of speaking of which you'll kill me But I have to go no 10-minute podcast 10 minute podcast go fuck itself I know but I have to go to the 10-minute podcast. The 10-minute podcast will go fuck itself, too. I know, but I gotta do it because they're waiting for me and I gotta be there at 7. You're gonna be late. I'm already gonna be late and they're gonna kill me. They'll be fine. No, they're not. I love you, but I gotta... We're on the internet, man. Listen, we have to

keep it rolling for a little while longer. I've gotta go to the 10-minute podcast. We have so much to talk about. You being in the American Comedy Company in San Diego this weekend. Yes, I'll be at the American Comedy Club. Comedy... Company being in the American Comedy Company in San Diego this weekend. Yes, I'll be at the American Comedy Club. Comedy Company. It's American Comedy Company. Isn't it? That's what it's called, right?

Or is it the American Comedy Club? You might be right. It's American Comedy Club in San Diego. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And I'll be at the Chicago Improv, everybody. And if you want to be a dress. Chicago, August 23rd, 24th. Now you're confusing the fuck out of people, dude. Don't ever say more than one.

Just one, right? Just one. It's American Comedy Company. Oh, it is? it's American Comedy Company oh it is yes American Comedy Company can't wait since San Diego California is a fucking awesome club it's one of those like really low ceiling intimate clubs that you know like the comedy works in Denver like the old comedy I love the comedy works in Denver oh yeah it's class it's as good as it gets. Yeah.

Me and Doug Benson and Brandon Walsh, we were in town in, and you were there, too, at the Paramount, and one of the things we were saying, we were walking by the Comedy Works, like, there's no better club. Yeah. There's never been a better club invented than the Comedy Works in Denver. Yeah. It's perfect size. It's the perfect height.

Low ceiling. The chairs don't move. Nobody can, like, move their chair under your foot. The chairs are locked in place. There's a table in between each chair. Sit the fuck down. Low ceiling. The chairs don't move. Nobody can move their chair under your foot. The chairs are locked in place. There's a table in between each chair. Sit the fuck down. Here's the show. Everybody's packed in there.

The wait staff's awesome. The shows are fantastic. You walk by the Comedy Works. You look and you see one headliner after another. National name after national name. And she's an individual. She's not like the improv. She's not a part of a giant corporation.

Wendy is the shit. She's great. I love that lady. She's great. If you're listening, a part of a giant corporation. Wendy is the shit. She's great. I love that lady. If you're listening, Wendy, you're the shit. You are the best. We love you. We had a great time. That club is fucking tremendous.

And she's got another one, the Landmark one. I had such a good time. Yeah. I had such a good time there. Yeah. Well, Denver is a fucking awesome period, and the Paramount was awesome, too. And thanks to everybody who came out to the show. I've always wondered.

This is going to sound so weird, but I've always wondered, with a building like that, with all that laughter over all those years, and then you take something terrible like the torture chambers of Abu Ghraib or something that Saddam kept all his people in and stuff, I wonder what the composition of the walls are. I wonder if there's anything that permeates. I mean, this hocus-pocus bullshit, but I've always wondered if in some ways the material like of the of the the organic material like the wood would be a different

kind of composition than in a torture chamber or something is it like all that all that positive energy versus all that negative energy you know would you ever see that weird thing message in the water uh documentary yeah that that turned out to be a fraud. Was that a fraud? Yeah, it was all bullshit. Killed me. It was all fucking horse shit. God damn it. Yeah, I looked into it and I was like, oh, you guys were lying to me in that fucking movie. You fucking liars. Fuck you who made that movie.

I know that there's places like the Ice House, is a perfect example, that there's been so much laughter in that place that it feels good going in i don't know if that's my personal association though and it very likely could if you led me into that place from the outside blindfolded and i thought i was in a bakery and you know well no you know what you know it's all association because my friend how about this my friend's a surfer was a competitive

surfer right when when she hears waves for most of us waves are like relaxing her heart starts beating really fast she gets really nervous well yeah of us, waves are like relaxing. Her heart starts beating really fast. She gets really nervous. Well, yeah, that totally makes sense. Waves, she gets scared and competitive, and she can't relax. She's like, she's in fight mode because she knows that she's about to attack a wave. Well, you know, when I was a kid, for years, I couldn't go to fights because I didn't like the way I felt.

That's right. I got real nervous. Me too. I would think that I was supposed to fight next would and it was just a weird part of me like i would try to enjoy it but there was like until i was like in my 30s until i had really resolved the fact that i was no longer going to compete you know i i would get nervous this was the first live event this is the first ufc i've ever been to where i was totally relaxed really i would go to ufcs the reason i don't go to ufc i can always get tickets from you and by the way congrats to donald serrani who came to my stand-up

that motherfucker's so awesome he's so awesome he's a good guy what a round that was 70 seconds of crazy one of my favorite things i was doing stand-up and i they came to the comedy works in denver and i could see donald serrani's hat going up and down laughing at my jokes and after he goes dude my fucking abs you gave me a fucking ab workout him and nate marquardt like an underwear model yeah he's a stud girl girls the girls i was with like my friend's wife and my my girl they were like looking at they were looking at donald they were literally like like my friend's wives they were like that guy i just want to touch him yeah they were being inappropriate around him because he's a handsome fuck isn't that weird when guys' wives

get creeper on dudes like right in front of them? Yeah, when you got an alpha male like fucking Donald Clooney. Well, it's not just that.

It's when you have such a disrespectful relationship that a lot of people engage in this like, I'll insult you. They're so over their relationship. Yeah, well,

a lot of people have that weird, I'll insult you, you'll insult me and you go back and forth a little bit. You're not in each other's corners. You're not looking out

for each other. You got a bad relationship and you haven't worked it bit. You're not in each other's corners. You're not looking out for each other. You've got a bad relationship. And you haven't worked it out. And you're not trying to. You're just stuck in this little fucking incident. And then they're around. Man, man, they'll grope on you. I've had women take pictures and squeeze my ass.

They would come up to me going, I want to talk to him. Say hi to him. I want to meet him. I'm like, your husband's right there. She's like, look at his ass. Look at his ass. They were all over him. Well, those kicks that he throws, that's when he developed that big, juicy ass.

That stud that he is. Fucking shred. What a fight that was. Holy shit, that was a crazy fight. And it was right when I just got done saying that he has to be very careful. He can't get overconfident because Melvin can fuck you up with one punch. Yeah, because he's so explosive. Oh, my God.

That left hook, Melvin landed, too. That could have... And Donald kept it together because he got fucking rocked. I know. You said, when were you okay after that punch? And he goes, right now. Yeah. Yeah.

He was not okay. And he still threw the kick. See, that's how confident he is in his ground games. One of the things about Cerrone, I love that. He'll fucking let those kicks fly, man. Because if you take him down, man, chances are he's going to threaten you from the bottom. He doesn't get ground and pounded. No.

And he threatens dudes with triangles and arm bars. He's not just long. He goes for down, man, chances are he's going to threaten you from the bottom. He doesn't get ground and pounded, and he threatens dudes with triangles and arm bars. He's not just long. He goes for it, man. He attacks. He attacks on the ground. So he's not holding back, so he's willing to throw. Even after getting tagged like that, he still throws a head kick. But 55 is such a fight.

I want to see him fight Jose Aldo at 55. Yeah, well, Aldo is most likely going to move to 55 eventually. He's still young. He's only 25, and he's having a hard time making weight. Although he's had less of a hard time of it lately because he cut back on the weightlifting. The weightlifting? He was bulking up in between fights and putting on mass,

and then the cut was harder for him. 55 is just a division of killers. Oh, yeah. Well, so is 45 man it's all 45 every and every weight class is growing you know like 35 is growing now there's this like there's this eric perezki that fought this weekend there's like it's constant this uh there's so many fucking good fighters man it's the the the whole like division like the whole ufc like every single division is expanding and getting deeper and deeper and deeper.

The heavyweight division is getting deeper and deeper and deeper. They're going to have Cain Velasquez versus Junior Dos Santos on New Year's Eve. Really? Didn't they fight already? Dude, it's going to be on the 29th or the 30th. Yeah, they're going to have a rematch. Oh, boy. Yeah, after Cain destroyed Bigfoot.

Cain just ran through Bigfoot Silva. Just cut him up, blasted him on the ground. The Santos is such a good boxer, man. match yeah after Kane destroyed Bigfoot Kane just ran through Bigfoot Silva just cut him up blasted him on the ground the Santa's such a good boxer he's scary oh he's scary I'm glad I'm not a fighter man that's just every time you step in that that octagon you're going to war every single time it's what we talked about earlier it has to be what you really want to do it has to be what you're really driven to do it has to be your calling and if it's not your calling you better get the fuck out of there because there's a guy like junior dos santos

the other end of the ring and it is his calling when anderson silva steps in that cage he doesn't wish he was in a fucking marachi band no you know mariachi whatever he's ready to fuck you up that's what he's there for that's what he does he's not supposed to be doing anything else yeah i'm i just you know and the the margin for error now is so small with these guys. They're so good, some of these guys. The level is insane. The speed difference between when I was watching, the speed difference between Cerrone and Gallard and the fights before was astronomical.

Well, they were both throwing haymakers, you know, and that is part of it is that they were throwing the kill. They knew each other very well. Yeah, I can't believe Gallard went down that. That was such a vicious thing. He was really hard. Well, Donald hit him absolutely perfectly. He clanged him with the left shin to the head.

He likes that left high kick with the switch. He throws that so well to the head, man. It's such a powerful shot. A lot of guys don't throw it that hard. So there's dudes that stand there, and they'll take one of those on the gloves. They'll kind of recognize that it's coming there and they'll take one of those on the gloves. You know, they'll kind of like recognize that it's coming, but they'll still try to avoid it

instead try to move. Like you can't do it to Anderson. Like you try to, like Rich Franklin tried the high switch kick on Anderson. Anderson sees it coming, knows what you're going to do and just bends and slides off the shoulder

and he looks right at you. He's the fucking Matrix. He's incredible. But Cerrone's got so much power in it, and he's got so much dexterity with his legs. It just clang. It's almost like it's shocking how quick it gets there. He seems so confident in this fight, too.

Oh, man, and he was very confident. And then the right hand he landed afterwards was just a bomb. It was just pinpoint. It was like, boom. It was like flying at him, all his power directly on the jaw. Who fights Henderson next? Nate does. Nate Diaz does.

Oh, boy. I love Nate. Yeah, that's going to be incredible. I love Nate Diaz. Yeah, well, that was a tough fight, man. A lot of people thought Frankie Edgar won that fight. Almost unanimously, the professionals on Twitter thought that he won that fight. He's the toughest guy at that.

He's the toughest small guy in the world. Frankie Edgar's a motherfucker, dude. You know, look, I thought he won the fight afterwards by decision, but I would have to honestly go back and watch it again and actually score it with my mouth shut to make an accurate assessment of whether or not my feelings after the fight are over are accurate. You know, I'm really careful about saying what I think

when it's a real close fight like that until i actually sit down and watch it as if i was scoring it because if you're watching it as a commentator you're also involved in it you're trying to be entertaining you know i'm trying to like explain what's going on and i would have to like in order to do that and do like a really effective calculation of whether or not one person won or the other, especially when it's close. Because the fight unquestionably was close. There's no doubt about it. It was a very close fight.

No doubt about it. The people who thought Henderson won it agree with that. The people who thought Edgar won it agree with that. It was a tightly contested fight. So to really watch that and judge it, you've got to really shut your fucking mouth and sit there with a pad. You've got to know the game. And you've got to really shut your fucking mouth and sit there with a pad. You've got to know the game.

And you've got to mark things down. And the best would be if the judges had access to the information that Goldie and I have access to. Like we have access to all the takedowns. Like at the end of the round, we have a thing that comes up. Yeah, this is fairly recently. In the last few fights. Who's taking stock of that?

Who does it? It's UFC staff. So the production staff is counting everything. They're counting strikes, and there's a whole segment of the show where they'll go to effective strikes, take down attempts, submission attempts. So we get to look at hard numbers as well as our gut feeling about things. Sometimes a guy will land little pity pat shots, and he'll land a bunch of them,

but the other dude lands one haymaker. Well, that haymaker is worth more than little pity pat shots and he'll land a bunch of them but the other dude lands one haymaker well that haymaker is worth more than those pity pat shots so sometimes numbers don't necessarily mean but it's good to have that information to add in addition to your calculations on how you feel about just watching it so you need almost more than you watching it on your own because i'm not just watching it i'm getting fed information as I'm watching it. That's ideal for a judge. Not that it would really not that it wouldn't help to clean house and just get people in and know what the fuck is going on in an actual fight. That certainly

would be but I also think they need access to information the way we have. They finally gave them monitors. They get monitors now which is very nice. I'm surprised they finally gave them to them. Yeah, not everywhere but we've done in certain places slow-motion would strike very important very important as well as to have angles on shots you know there's sometimes it looks like a guy landed when really the guy fell yeah the guy

slipped yeah you know there's there's all sorts of jobs no it's not you know it's very hard and it's not rewarded when they're good at it no it's only critiqued when they suck at it you You know, I swear to God, man, when I have a weekend like this weekend where we did the show at the Paramount and we did the comedy works in Denver and meet all these cool people and everything, it really does feel like this crazy fucking dream life, man.

It's so fun. You've earned it. Everything is so fun. You've earned it and you've created... Yeah, nobody earns this, dude. Nobody deserves this. This is some crazy lucky lucky shit it ain't just that you earn it because it didn't even exist before it's not like you say you earned being the ufc commentator but you know what i'm saying before before i was the commentator the other people had done it but i'm saying before you know when i was a young man thinking about this as an aspiration this job didn't even exist

right you know like that's just fortunate i matter when you got it that's when you're like hey I'm I'm gonna do the UFC and I came down with you and I met Tank Abbott cheese it's so fortunate though it's ridiculous yeah Jeff that great guy yeah great guy love that guy Olympic gold medalist yeah and it's so it's so strange to have like that kind of a life you know it's so strange to have that kind of a life. It's so strange to have all these cool friends and to have this dream weekend. I remember when we were all hanging around,

you and me and Joey Diaz and Brendan Walsh and Doug Benson, we were eating after the show, after the UFC. We were laughing. Drinking good wine. Drinking good wine, eating sliders and buffalo wings and just killing it. All of us laughing at each other. I mean, that's like, we're so fucking fortunate, man.

That's what, that's what. We're so fortunate. I remember you left me that message. You're like, we're so lucky we get to do what we do. We're so fortunate. Yeah. In every aspect. In the friends that we have, in our occupations, and you know.

It's amazing. It's completely amazing. But to do what we did to get like this this posse of comedians together for that show like at the Paramount that is really important yeah it's one of things that we were talking about before you got there I was telling them like I was thanking them for coming and I was like you guys like there might be 2,000 people out there for this show but if you guys weren't with me it wouldn't be half as fine because

literally wouldn't even be 50% sure with you have a fraternity you can share it with you know i love watching joey diaz get off stage with a giant smile on his face just laughing his ass off high five he's so authentic and original we had some really good talks man he's the best my um listen i've i but i'd love what i'm saying i'm getting going anywhere we're here for another 10 minutes at least 10 minutes the i'm supposed to be there they can suck it no because they're my they're my they're my it's the We ain't going anywhere, bitch. If I don't leave now... We're here for another 10 minutes at least. 10 minutes. Just 10 minutes. I gotta get out of here. 10 minutes. I'm supposed to be there in 10 minutes. They can suck it. They can suck it. No, because they're my...

It's the 10-minute podcast. Without you, that's not a good show. I know, but I gotta... No, it's actually... They're gonna wait. They're gonna be fine. By the way, go to the 10-minute podcast and listen to Drunk Arnold

that Will Sasser does. If you don't laugh your ass off, to me, it's the best impression of all time, and it's the funniest thing I've ever done. It's a funny one, because Arnold is like... I hardly do my Arnold impression anymore, because it's like too impression of all time and it's the funniest thing i've ever done it's a funny one it's not even me arnold is like i don't i hardly do my arnold impression anymore because it's like too many people do it arnold is so fucking hilarious we have some i'm really proud of some of the things we did on that show i mean and i like the idea it's great it's fucking great

10 minutes do some fucking characters on there forget me i did an ostrich expert but that doesn't matter good uh it's it's some of the funny shit I gotta go it's an ostrich I love it this is my name is a woosoo and Uli and ostrich are my specialty and the great question is if an ostrich is a bird why can he not fly and that's all I talk about this is what we need to work with with you we need to get henna total Can he not fly? And that's all I talk about for 10 minutes. This is what we need to work with you. We need to get Renato Rolange with you together with your Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu rapist character

and make something happen. Because that rapist character, there's two of the funniest moments in my life that I've experienced in my whole life. One of them is Joey Diaz on the Alex Jones show where they fucked up and told Joey Diaz that he didn't have to worry about swearing because this part is on the internet. And Joey Diaz just opened up a can of Cuban whoop-ass.

He was telling a story about going through the TSA with weed tucked under his balls and about how those fucking machines, they don't scan shit. And, you know, this is your fucking tax dollars at work. And Alex Jones is going crazy He goes check yourself before you wreck yourself big dicks in yes is bad for your health Joe Diaz Facebook Twitter stay black and he leaves or he literally wrecked the room I'm crying laughing like and it's and by the way. We got it all on video It's all you know I gotta see people that say I'm exaggerating

It's all online Joey Diaz and the Alex Jones show is a hundred versions of it on YouTube because it's so phenomenal. I gotta see this. There was that and there was you in the hotel room where we were high as fuck. And I don't even think, I think I just got the job at the UFC. And we would all come out to the fights and it's a fucking great guy's event. I mean, it's so barbaric and man, to go to,

fuck, did you see that fight? Holy shit, that was crazy. And afterwards, we eat steaks and shit. It was just such a boy party weekend. I remember you and I actually went and looked at Randy Couture and we're like, look at him. Look at him.

It's a fucking animal. Look at that. It's Randy Couture. He had a swollen knee. I was like, jeez. We were upstairs and we were barbecued. We were so high and we just have this group of really

funny people hanging out together so we're just making each other laugh and brian goes into this explanation like a jujitsu seminar and how to guys i was basically doing hensel because i was training in hensel and and of course i have nothing but the utmost respect for hensel of course it was just the but i was basically doing his character you know and come on guys okay like that you know when i take a guy take a guy like that put him to the mouth like that put it to my mouth there's like the the way the the all the the parts of like your speech on the internet somewhere i don't know where it is but this well it was on eddie bravo's video but it was like a window like you you had it was like one of those things he put

it on his video but he put it on there as a fortune cookie you know what i'm talking about is that what they're called we have to find it whatever so he he put it on there i think is that what it's called a fortune cookie whatever the fuck it's called when um when someone put something on their dvd and you you know you go and find it so he put on there like you had to press like a couple different things for it to come up. It was one of those stupid things that people did before they realized that extra content, you should let people watch it. Let people watch that shit, yeah. And so Eddie had that.

He thought it would be really funny. And I also think he was worried about it was so dirty, like, connecting it to his thing. I think he would do it now because, like, on Mastering the System. Yeah, because you've got to be careful when you're building a brand or whatever. And if you're interested in that, go to 10thplanetjiu-jitsu.com because Eddie's got this whole web series called Mastering the system. Yeah, but you got to be careful when you're building a brand. Yeah. And if you're interested in that, go to 10thplanetjiu-jitsu.com because Eddie's got this whole web series called Mastering the System and a lot of that

is with Hanato Ranja who is this, I don't want to tell you the whole story because I don't want to give up the joke. Well, we'll do it. But you got to get together

with him and, you know. We'll do it. I'm coming back on the podcast. And teach guys how to kiss guys. I want to thank you guys. Dude, fuck yeah, man. You can come out on the podcast anytime you want. I'll do extra ones for you. If I have to kiss guys. I want to thank you guys. Fuck yeah, man. You can come out on the podcast

anytime you want. I'll do extra ones for you. If I have a full week, we'll do one at night. We'll always do it anytime you want, man. I'm sorry I have to leave early today. It's no worries, man.

Thank you, everybody. But you should tell those guys to fuck themselves and stay here for a little while longer. We are. We're on the internet right now. This is as good as it gets. Tweet me at atbryancowen.com

What we're doing right now is as good as we do. Tweet me at bryan.com B-R-Y-A-N And we are doing it. C-A-L-L-E-N Now it's a game for me. Tweet me at Brian Callen. What we're doing right now is as good as we do. Tweet me at Brian. And we are doing it. Now it's a game for me. Joe Rogan, I love you. I love you too. Don't leave.

I got to do my commercial. They're waiting for me. But I can't. I got to let you out of the house, man. There's fucking animals out there. Security. I'm leaving. Hold on.

Let me end this. All right. This podcast is over, ladies and gentlemen. Go see Brian this weekend in San Diego at the American Comedy Company. And go to the American Comedy Company. Support it. It's great that San Diego finally got a real fucking comedy club. And it is a badass one.

Thank you to Alienware MMA. Follow them on Twitter. Alienware MMA on Twitter. Alienware sponsors through Sucker Punch Entertainment a lot of fighters. And we really appreciate the shit out of that. So we started using Alienware computers for all of our podcasts. And if you're into gaming, they're fucking fantastic. They're really awesome. They sent us this

18-inch laptop, and it's fucking tremendous. If you want to play games on them, they're like, the graphics, the speed, they're really incredible. They're pricey, but they're really worth it. They're incredible gaming computers. And we thank them for supporting us because we love the fact they hooked us up with computers.

We love them as a company. And we love the fact that they support MMA fighters. We think it's a ballsy move. And I really appreciate the fact that Dell, a big company, has the guts through Alienware, which they own, to step in and sponsor fighters. I think that's beautiful. And so we support people who support MMA. Thanks to Onnit.com as well. Go get yourself some battle ropes and kettlebells

so you can be manly like Brian Callen. Like me. Throw that rope around, bitch. Get yourself a dancer's physique. I love you, America. Get some alpha brain. Feed your brain with some nutrients. And get your shit together, you dirty bitches.

Look, we love you. We appreciate the podcast tweets and emails and all that shit. Literally, my life would not be as rich and interesting if it wasn't for how much positive energy we've gotten back from you people, how much that is inspirational, how much that makes us want to do more and make it better and put out more content. And I appreciate the fuck that all you guys are using this podcast to make your commute more interesting, to entertain you when you're on a plane,

whatever the fuck you're using it for. When you're at the gym, I think it's awesome. I love the connection that we have. And thank you for all the positivity. It inspires me to no end. And that's it, you dirty freaks. Tomorrow we will have Jamie Kilstein on, my favorite, well, not my favorite vegan. He's one of my favorite vegans.

He's my favorite vegan lefty comedian that weighs eight pounds. He's a great guy, though. And he's a very smart guy. And he has this, besides his strange ideology, he's got his heart in the right place. He's a good human. And he'll be here tomorrow. Then we have Andrew Dice Clay on Wednesday. On Thursday

we have two podcasts on Thursday. You leaving, you dirty bitch? You're the best. You can find them on Twitter. I gotta go. Take care, people. Big kiss. Love ya.