The Joe Rogan Experience - #265 - Sam Tripoli, Shane Smith

Episode Date: September 17, 2012

Joe sits down with Sam Tripoli and Shane Smith.

Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Yes! Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to go live on the phone with my man Shane Smith from Vice.com and they have a new thing out today on the great Mitt Romney. It should be fascinating.

Hello, this is Joe Rogan calling. Hello? Sorry? Is this the right number? This is Joe? Yes, this is Joe. Is this Shane? Is this Shane?

Yeah. Dude, you sound fucked are you are you drunk right now are you covered in underwear what's going on

over there buddy I'm covered in mozzola oil and no underwear are you you're very low energy are you tired

from all this craziness from exposing this craziness to the world is that what's going on I'm high energy

whenever I talk to you I'm high energy man well I talk to you, I'm high energy, man. Well, I'm high energy whenever I talk to you, too. So, tell me what the fuck is going on. You are premiering the Mexican-Mormon War series on the Vice YouTube channel,

correct? Tell us all about this. Well, we went down to Chihuahua, northern Mexico, to do a story on Mormons who were fighting the drug cartels. The first people we met there were the LeBarons from the LeBaron colony. Now, the Romneys, the LeBarons, the Joneses, they all went down from Utah when the American government outlawed polygamy and they believed that

because Joseph Smith said that you have to get to the highest level of celestial heaven by being part of a plural marriage. They said, well, fuck it. I'm not going to stay in America and not go to heaven. So they went down to Mexico so they could be polygamists. That is a beautiful

rap, by the way. Mad props to Joseph Smith for keeping his giant harem strong. I'm sorry, go ahead. Exactly. I think Brigham Young had a hell of a lot of wives. I think it was 23, but don't quote me on that. But anyway, so they believed to keep going to heaven that they had to have many partners. So anyway, they went down there, they formed these Mormon colonies, and the colonies did quite well.

I mean, they're successful farms, they have, you know, nice little towns, and, you know, they're sort of affluent. You know, they're big, tall guys in cowboy hats. You know, they look like a bunch of Texans down there. So anyway, we heard that some of the Mormons down there had been fighting the cartels because the cartels started kidnapping the Mormons and extorting them for money. So this one clan, the LeBaron clan, had gone to war with this guy named El-Hakim, who's like one of the biggest badass narcos. He actually massacred 18 people in a drug rehab center

just because they were trying to get off of drugs. He's a very bad man, and he lived eight miles down the road from the Liberian colony. So they started going to war. the road from the LeBaron colony. So they started going to war. They forced him to release their 16-year-old cousin, who, because of that, he got pissed off and he killed, you know, two of them in retaliation, and then it all went crazy. So as we were down there hanging out with them and seeing what they had done using anti-terrorist techniques from Afghanistan and Iraq of checkpoints and sniper's posts and all this stuff,

oh, now we're going crazy there. What's going on? I think our connection got a little bit weird. Oh, I didn't. It sounds fine over here. We heard you loud and clear. Okay, great. I'll just ignore the noise. Yeah, I don't hear it over here. So this...

Yeah, so they started making these military checkpoints. They had snipers' lookout points and military checkpoints, and all of a sudden the violence died down in their region, except it continued in the rest of the areas. And so as we were hanging out with the LeBarons, who told us some crazy stories, the reason why the LeBarons were ready for this sort of narco cartel's aggression was because they were already armed and ready to fight because they had had a civil war within their sort of fundamentalist break-off church,

where this guy named Errol LeBaron, who tried to take over the church, he's also dubbed the Mormon Manson. He killed, well, he's suspected in about 40 murder cases in America and in Mexico. And then they caught him. He tried to actually, he threatened to kill Jimmy Carter at one point. And then they caught him and 25 people were killed after they caught him because he left his blood atonement, last will and testament. So they kept killing his family. He had 20 to 30 children, I believe, from 10 wives, and they became his assassins, and they would kill people for him.

So they were ready, because of this sort of civil war within their own family, within their own church, they were ready to fight. And because of that, when the narcos came after them, they were armed and ready to go. And famously, the Le our coach came after them uh... you know they were on the and and ready to go they've been asleep to liberate outshot the mexican military in issue that when they came to to try to get uh... the government often so anyway we were at when we were hanging out the laberint uh...

they were saying oh yeah you know who you should go hang out the romney's they live in just across the valley, what I call the Romneys. I'm like, yeah, Mitt Romney. I'm like, what? And they're like, yeah, George Romney, Mitt's father, was born in a Mormon colony, originally a polygamous Mormon colony in colonial Dublin, and went to America.

It's been reported that actually George Romney went to America illegally as an illegal immigrant. Or they crossed the border illegally anyway. And, but they're still there. The Romneys are still there in Chihuahua and they have a commune. Now, they're LDS. They're not, they're Latter-day Saints. They're sort of orthodox Mormons. They're not polygamists anymore. So if they're not polygamists, what's the benefit of staying in Mexico?

I don't know. I mean, that's their own. You know, they live there, and they have their community there, and that's what they do. They've been kidnapped as well. They've had kidnappings within their own families. But they've been there for a while and they're like, well, we're not leaving. They have to leave. So what's interesting about it, though, is the Romneys are like, they're real nice guys. And they're like, look, Mitt Romney should, you know, contact us because his policy on immigration is wrong, his policy on drugs is wrong. They're like, look, unless you decriminalize it, it's much like Prohibition. You know, Al Capone and Lucky Luciano became big because everyone still drank as much during

Prohibition. They're just the mob, and it's the same thing with drugs. So, you know, it's interesting to talk to them because they live on the front lines of this drug war, and they see what's happening with illegal immigration, and these are sort of big, you know, tough Texas-type dudes who are, you know, pro-Romney and pro-Republican and all that stuff, and they're like, look, you know, he's wrong and he should talk to us because the drug policy is wrong and the immigration policy is wrong.

So it was really interesting to hang out with them because they're actually at war every day, and it's literally not even one generation removed. And the whole story is crazy. It's crazy what they have to go through down there and how they're fighting the narcos because the narcos control the whole area, and these pockets of Mormon resistance

are the only ones fighting the cartels. It is crazy because it's one generation removed from Mitt Romney, a guy who's running for president, and they're essentially living like a Mad Max movie. Correct. That's the whole thing that's wild, is everyone, you know, made a big deal about Obama's, you know, history and everything, and you're like, hold on a second, Mitt's history is crazy. They went down as polygamous colonies, and they're fighting,

there's kidnappings and cocaine and drug cartels and war and it was and he you know he's just ignoring it and so when we went down there you know we we just thought wow what a story and the story is crazy and part one's up today but we're doing seven parts and it just gets crazier and crazier as we go but like you know internal you know uh civil wars and murders and cartels and killings. And it's just crazy. And it's like, you know, right just south of the American border. And these guys have been living down there sort of in their own little world.

And now it's, you know, it's just coming to the fore now. It's a crazy story. And the fact that, you know, Mitt Romney is literally, you know, his dad had to leave there. His dad came up from a Mormon colony in Mexico, so it's crazy. And by the way, his dad ran for president, but his campaign didn't last very long because they called into question his citizenship as well as his colony's polygamist past. So I think, you know, once burned twice shy, Mitt is very, you know, he doesn't want to get into this, obviously, and he for sure doesn't want to get into what's happening

with the rest of the Mormons down there because it's crazy. Yeah, I don't think most people are aware of this whole Mormon colony, and they're certainly not aware that Mitt Romney's a part of it. How is this being ignored? How is this being... This sounds like crazy information. Like, it's really... It has dark implications that this is being ignored.

When you look at the media, I mean, it's really damning. If this is, like, readily available information... Well, he was sort of poo-pooing his sort of Mormon roots. I mean, obviously everyone knows he's a Mormon, but he's not sort of going forward with it, saying, yes, you know, this is what the Mormon Church is, and this is

what it should be doing, and this is what I'm doing, and all that stuff. But he's also definitely not you know, but he's also definitely not, you know, you know, he just started to sort of say, you know, my dad was from Mexico to try to sort of get the Latino vote. What's interesting is, you know, his dad, who came from Mexico and then did really well here, you know, is the poster child, as is Mitt Romney, for the DREAM Act, where, you know, if you come and you you work hard and make a living

uh... then then you can get amnesty and and you know he didn't do that he's the poster child for and he actually said he would be to the dream act so he's actually you know being incredibly through you know you're more right wing than the the already Republican sort of right-wing party. And, you know, there's a lot of supposition that the reason why is it's kind of like he thinks like that's because too much, because he doesn't want to get sort of dragged into this sort of whole history because it can't do him any good,

history because it can't do him any good because drug wars and immigration and, you know, kidnapping and people getting their heads chopped off, you know, and the history of polygamy, you know, does not a good presidential candidate make. And I'm sure that, you know, they're worried about, you know, obviously Mormonism, you know, has history and still some current problems with polygamy, and they for sure want to stay away from that. But also they want to stay away from stories, more importantly, like the failure of the war on drugs, which has been a complete and utter failure. There's never been more drugs in America for cheaper or better quality,

yet people are dying because we let the mob run it, and it just totally doesn't work, yet he insists on maintaining those standard operating procedure sort of policies that just don't work. And by the way, his Mormon brethren, but also his own flesh and blood, is paying the price for it. Well, a guy like that, one of the things that's scariest to me about Mitt Romney is that Mitt Romney seems like a robot. He doesn't seem like a real person when he interacts with people. And that kind of disconnected behavior, the way he interacts with people, so weird and disconnected, that's indicative of a lot of people who are really, really religious.

who are really, really religious. And I have a friend who went through most of her life being very religious and has recently fallen, like over the last sort of decade, kind of fallen away from religion and is now starting to question her life. And one of the things that she said is that when she was really religious, she didn't question anything. She just sort of went along with things. You become like indoctrinated into this kind of thinking where there's always someone smarter than you, always someone who tells you what to do.

You don't ever question it. God has a plan for everything. It's like the same sort of package that it all went into in her head. And I see a guy like Mitt Romney. They can tell this guy to do anything and he's going to do it. He's got no spine. He's got no real opinions on things. His opinions are based on what he thinks will work numbers wise. And when he's communicating with people, he makes no

connection with them. When he has these conversations with like regular folks who have questions for him, it's one of the worst things he could ever do. They should have never let him do that. Because every time he tries to be like a man of the people and gay marriage comes up or medical marijuana comes up or anything that requires real thinking or real debate, he's a fucking robot, man. He's a mechanical guy. Yeah, I think he's the typical case of someone who's just saying whatever it'll take to get elected. So he's trying to be all things to all people which just can't work you have to be a human being well you understand this i'm sorry go ahead please yeah what i think i'd rather is no one's perfect but what i'd rather

is somebody who said yeah i come from this you know crazy shit in mexico and yes it's a problem and we have to do something to fix that problem, because all of the money for the cocaine comes from, and pot and every other drug comes from America, the guns come from America, everything, like the market for all the drugs is in America, but all the people are being killed in Mexico, and, you know, we've got to do something to help that, because, you know, I'm from there.

If he would say something human, you know, that's just like, look, you know, I don't want, you know, I'm from there. If he would say something human, you know, that's just like, look, you know, I don't want, you know, these people to be killed. You know, there's more. It's by a factor of ten. So ten times more Mexicans have been killed or people, sorry, people have been killed in the war on drugs than in the real wars. And American killed, American soldiers killed in Iraq and Afghanistan. It's crazy.

By a factor of ten. By a factor's crazy. By a factor of 10. By a factor of 10? By a factor of 10. And at a certain point, you're like, look, this is right on our border. It's going to be a failed state soon, and it's our fault, and we just can't do anything to fix it. And what I'd much rather is have someone be a human being and say, yeah, I came from that, that's where I came from,

and now I'm here and this is what I'm doing. But you know what? Like, people are dying down there, we've got to do something. Or, you know, we've got to sort of look at immigration a little bit better than we have been because obviously that's not working either. And instead of that, it's just standard pat, you know, political answers that don't mean anything and that no one's going to do anything. And the same policies that haven't worked, you know, in the past 20 or 30 years.

I mean, the war on drugs is just like, it's a fucking joke. It's weakening us. It's weakening us. When you go down there, when you go down there, like literally you cross over from El Paso, Texas into Juarez, Mexico. It's the same city, just divided by a border. El Paso is one of the safest cities in america because it's a police state in the cartel live up there

and you pass into wires which is that what it was the most dangerous city in the world uh... for journalists and it was one of the most dangerous cities in the world but i believe it's just been up to be most dangerous city in the world uh... for murderers fishing atlantic state how is that possible? You know, the most dangerous city in the world is the same city as El Paso, Texas. So, you know, the whole thing when you're down there, you realize that this, we always

say, where are all the adults? Or, you know, this is the absurdity of the modern condition. But when you're down there, you're exactly right. It's Mad Max, five minutes south of the American border, and it's not like we can just say, oh, it's those crazy Mexicans. I mean, all the guns are coming from us. All the money is coming from us. The market for the cocaine is here.

It's all us. We're just saying, well, you guys can shoot each other down there. We don't care. Well, not only that, there's documented examples of our guys, our people selling guns to the Mexican drug cartels so they can, you know, quote unquote, trace them or something. So they've sold them guns that have actually wound up killing American border agents. Like, it's real madness. Fast and Furious. Well, there's been a bunch of the most famous is the Fast and Furious.

How does that happen? Well, they gave, they were giving, giving, not selling, giving guns to the cartels and thinking they could track them. And the only, they found them, they lost track of them, obviously, and they came up in a, yes, you're correct, in the deaths of american agents guns that we had given them uh were were used in those murders which is just i found to be shocking but also there was when i was down there actually two things when i was down there the largest hall of ammunition uh got caught at the uh mexican border which we went to it's all all the ammunition all the weapons coming from amer from america shocking the amount

like that truckloads of of of weapons grade uh... you know seven point six two uh... weapon uh... ammunition but also one of the things that that that you know is is crazy about uh... you know what's happening the amount of killingings that go on with weapons. Oh yeah, sorry, the other thing was there was an ex-CIA

I forget which one, but the ex-head of the CIA his ceremonial pistol, his ceremonial 45 that they give you as an award when you leave office was found on a narco

lord when he was down there. So he had the head of the CIA's.45 caliber pistol. Jesus Christ. And so we're just sitting there going, now it's in the level of absurdity. Now it's in the level of, you know, fast and furious, we'll give them guns, and then they kill us with their own guns.

It's a Coen Brothers movie. It's crazy. It's a Coen Brothers movie. It's crazy. It's a Coen Brothers movie. Exactly. It can't be real. That is one of the dumbest ideas I've ever... I can't look at it in any way where I would think, oh, that's a good idea. Give them guns and track them.

That's so... It's amazing that these fucking morons are the ones who are in charge of these things. The people that could come up with an idea like that. Either they're lying and they're making money and they're corrupt and this is just how they masked it, or they're criminally incompetent. Yeah. Well, what makes it worse is the sort of,

the lead cartel now, the Zetas, what happened with them is they were actually trained, the core group of the Zetas were what happened with them is they were actually trained, the core group of the Zetas were trained by the DEA to be counter, you know, counter cartel, you know, super police. And so they were trained by the DEA and then they went down and then were working for a bit and then they said, screw this, and they sold themselves as mercenaries to the various cartels, famously the Gulf cartel. Wow.

And then they said, well, screw this, we're just going to take over. And now they're this sort of hegemonic cartel, and they were all trained by the DEA. So they used the training that the DEA gave them to take over from the other cartels. And now they're running shit. And you're just like, holy fuck. I mean, you couldn't write a Hollywood script this crazy. Well, that's very similar to the arming of the Mujahideen, who then became the Taliban, right? Isn't that the same thing that happened in Afghanistan? 100%.

And so now we're fighting the people that we armed and trained. And guess what's happening now and what we actually admit to it we are arming in training uh... uh... islamic fundamentalist in somalia uh... in an effort to fight al-shabab there but this is the people who were trying to play out some of our about it uh... you know anti-western Islamic fundamentalists. So we're doing it again. It's not like we're learning from our mistakes.

While this is going on, there's all this crazy saber-rattling about Iran. I mean, this really looks like World War III. It really looks like the end of the world is knocking on our front door. Well, I'm actually going. My next trip is to Pakistan, where I'm meeting A.Q. Khan, the guy who developed the bomb for Pakistan, and so I gave, illegally gave the technology to Iran. Wow.

I'm interviewing him because, you know, it's not only Iran having the bomb, but Pakistan, which is, you know, quickly becoming a failed state, has a lot of weapons, but Pakistan, which is quickly becoming a failed state, has a lot of weapons, ballistic weapons, and so we're going to see just how loose the nukes are over there. But it's absolutely terrifying what's happening. What's scary about this, though, is that the Mexico issue is, you know, Mexico runs the risk of turning into a failed state as well. But again, it's our border. It's our... It's us. It's connected to us. And by the way, it's a problem that we're causing. Like, you know, it's a scary time.

And when their border quits, if they become a failed state and they stop having patrols on their side of the border, you know, we're going to have to, if they don't have any employees doing that, we're going to have to up all the people that work down there. They're going to have to do something to try to tie, and then they're going to have to go in. That's what's going to be really crazy. They're going to have to realize there's an army of truly evil people that are involved in a crazy criminal enterprise, and they're billionaires. And they're right there. And they've become an army now. And they're doing... Well, but also, it's a joke.

Like, whenever you're down there, you hear all these stories of, you know, they're trying to build a wall, which is a joke because you just tattle under it or go over it. But they'll, you know, we'll come sort of put up a wall during the day. And at night, they just come and take all the stuff for scrap. Because, you know, it's impossible to do and if you think you're just going to build a wall and that that's going to stop people from from going under it or over it you're insane yeah it's just crazy i don't know how you stop something that is out of control as the drug war in mexico it seems so crazy it's like is there even a solution that anybody proposes that makes sense to fix this decriminalizing drugs i mean this is this is the the argument is you say look it's

like alcohol you know excuse me everyone drank and then they they made it illegal and everyone drank but the mob ran it um and now you're, it's not as if the argument that if we decriminalize drugs, more people will do drugs is ludicrous because no one is not buying drugs or not taking drugs or whatever because it's illegal. You can get pot anywhere. You can get coke

anywhere. You can get acid anywhere. You can get basically any drug anywhere incredibly easily. I don't know anyone that can't get any drug with a call of a telephone. Yeah, but you run in dangerous circles, my friend. Can I call you up later tonight about something? Yeah, Brian wants to know. Look, the thing is, like we said, there's never been more drugs in America,

never higher quality, never for a better price. So the thing is, that argument is moot. What you have to do is say, okay, people are going to do drugs. Okay, you have to decriminalize it, and that way at least you can regulate it or take the criminal element out of it. Because quite frankly, as long as people want to take drugs, and I don't see that happening, that people are not going to want to take drugs anytime soon,

then the war will just get worse because it's billions and billions and billions and billions of dollars that is going to be run by the criminals because it has to be because the government won't run it. I also think that we have an issue where the people that are making the decisions for whether or not things are or are not illegal have a vested financial interest in keeping them illegal. And that's something that we really have to address in this country, like what you can make money off of. And the fact that you can make money off of people being in prison and the fact that you can make money off of hiring more law enforcement and DEA officers and having more government programs to eradicate drugs,

the more money that you can spend and the more money that you... It beefs up this whole industry that all goes away if marijuana becomes legal. It all goes away if drugs become decriminalized. Nothing happens in this country unless there's an economic interest. And right now there's a massive economic interest in the drugs industry. And I was reading a fascinating article, you know, the other day about half of America is on prescribed drugs and the other half is on illegal drugs. And, you know, it's there.

It's not going away. And either we come up with some sort of intelligent solution or it's just going to get worse and worse and worse and worse. How is Mitt Romney the guy that the Republicans chose? How did he get past their vetting process? How did they not look at this guy's past and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, your dad was from fucking where? How do they not do that?

How do they not just look at the Mormon religion in general and how people look at it as being a really wacky subset of Christianity with roots in the ridiculous. When you hear the story that it was created by this Joseph Smith kid who was 14 and found golden tablets that he could only read with a magic rock, I mean, it's fucking ridiculous. How did this guy get through? How is he the guy? Well, because it was either him or him.

I mean, it wasn't a great field for the Republicans. And, you know, again, you're right. He's sort of an autobot. He's been preparing to try to be president for his whole life. And if you look at it, you just say, look, this guy, you know, looks like a president. He acts like a president. He talks like a president. But, you know this guy looks like a president, he acts like a president, he talks like a president, but it's like anybody.

Like, Joe, if you were to run for president or Apollos would run for president, they'd find all kinds of crazy shit in our past because that's human. What's interesting about it is he rejects all that humanity and doesn't want to say that he's from Mexico, doesn't want to say that this stuff is going on, doesn't want to admit it. Does he ever address it at all? And I don't know why, because it's crazy, but at the same time, you want to say, okay, well, we shouldn't be electing humans and we shouldn't be electing robots.

Has he ever been questioned on this publicly? I know it's come up a few times. He's been skirting around it until recently when he, I believe, spoke to the American Latino Conference and said, you know, I'm from Mexico, I'm from a Mormon colony in Mexico. And also he said in the RNC speech, you know, my dad came from Mexico to Michigan, and that, you know, we were Mormons, but people didn't care. It was more about the sports teams we like. So he's had to address it

because it's coming out. But the thing is, and to answer your earlier question about 14 minutes too late, is the reason why it has come out. So I wasn't the first journalist to go down there. People found out that he was born there. Actually, it was an

old story because it was a big story when his father ran for president and everyone went crazy. But what nobody did is stay there. I went down there three different times. I stayed there. I hung out with them. I actually liked them because they're fighting cartels. And the cartels, guys, like you said, they're insidious people who are cutting off heads and killing people at random and throwing grenades into nightclubs and kidnapping. It's a Tarantino movie.

It's a Tarantino movie. It's craziness. And these guys are standing up to them. And I respect that. And you have to protect your family. And I believe in that. And I just think that these guys sort guys doing it on their own is crazy. When I was staying with them, you realize this is crazy. It is like a Tarantino movie.

The fact that his cousins, they're all named Rami, his cousins are all there. You'd think that actually if they say this in the piece. They're like, look, I wish you would contact us because I think we could help him. We've got to talk to him about immigration. We've got to talk to him about his drugs policy because we live here. We can help. Wow. We live here and we want to talk to him about his drug policy.

That's incredible. Well, because they're on the front lines. They understand what it's all about. We have to stop treating Mexico as if it's another thing that we don't have to deal with. It's right next door. I mean, it literally is connected. It is us. We pretend that there are two separate countries.

It's so silly. It's just people. Just people, and they were born a mile this way or a mile that way, so they're fucked. No, they're not going to stand that. They're coming across, left and right, back and forth. And we all know somebody, if you live in L.A., you all know somebody whose either family came here illegally or they came here illegally.

It's so normal. We have to fucking start treating them like they're us. We've got to fix that spot. It's connected to us. If you're there for a little while, too, what happened was because of NAFTA, which, again, was an American policy, you know, Mexico, northern Mexico got really slammed because the farms, they couldn't compete anymore

because Americans still had subsidies here, but they didn't have subsidies there, all this stuff. You know, again, you can go into that stuff for a long time. But basically NAFTA hurt the Mexican agriculture business. So they only had two options once the agriculture died in northern Mexico, and that was either you sneak into America to get jobs. And by the way, one of the things that you learn there is these people are Mexican. They don't want to leave their homes. They don't want to leave their families.

They don't want to leave their sons and daughters or their moms or whoever it is. They do it because of survival. And when you're faced with survival, you can do anything. You don't want to crawl under borders through rat infested tunnels. You don't want to, you know, put your life in the hands of coyotes and cartels. So, you know, on one side, they had to sneak into America, which is not a lovely process, or they have to join the cartels. And those are the two options left to them for survival because of policies that were cooked up in washington now i've got to say that when you say look it doesn't matter which side of the border more that's a that's a that's a ethical and moral obligation but on top of that is the majority of the problems

in northern mexico are 100 caused by america and you sit there and say okay it's not like mexico was intrinsically poor they couldn't feed themselves this is this all happened within the last thirty years and and you just advanced okay look at some time at some point we have to take responsibility for what we're doing and for sure the president i just think after that the look at this because i think they were worried about around were worried about this were worried about that but guess what?

In our backyard, we have something that's killed ten times the amount of American soldiers killed in the wars that we've been fighting. So I don't know how it could be any worse. And it just appeared over the last decade. When I was a kid, one of the first gigs I did when I came to California is I did something for MTV in Cancun. I would never think about doing that now I'd be like fuck that that sounds crazy, but back then they would have MTV shows in Cancun I mean nobody was scared to go to Mexico Mexico was great People enjoyed it a lot of great places to go on vacation there and then out of nowhere all this violence started happening

And and mass scale and it's it's so hard for people to wrap their heads around. But if this was in Detroit, if this was in New York, we would be fucking terrified. If it was in Houston, we would be fucking terrified of this kind of violence. But because it's in Mexico, for whatever reason, people don't think it affects us. It's really nuts. Like there's a giant patch of humanity that lives in utter chaos

and they are literally physically connected to us. And you're exactly right, because the increase in violence, the scale-up in violence in Mexico has been the last 10 years, and it's because they tried to implement the war on drugs, and not only has it not helped an iota, but it's led to a lot of people being killed because what they're doing and the policies that they're using just don't work. And the Zetas are a perfect example. Let's train a hyper group of mercenaries that then become the worst guys who are our worst enemies because we've trained them.

I mean, we've done such a bad job, it's literally laughable. And we have a series we're going to be doing called Where Are All the Adults? Because I don't know who the fuck is making these decisions with Chisdell, not adults. Yeah, it's a weird place we're at, where the capabilities of our government have been overshadowed by their abilities. They can't see the greater impact of what they're doing, and they make these incompetent, ridiculous decisions. And yet they have the power to implement these stupid ideas and the impact of them is tremendous.

And people who are more knowledgeable socially, who understand what we need to do to sort of try to fix this situation, they're not being heard. We're only hearing from the people that are benefiting financially from the drug war and the the whole thing is all based on oh protect the children and protect people and drugs kill lives with nary a mention of the biggest issue that this country faces which is the fucking pharmaceutical drug problem there are a bunch of fucking zombies sanctioned zombies walking our streets and i know quite a few of them i've met quite a few people in my life that have lost themselves to pain pills and they get them from a doctor and they have no problem staying medicated and they're gone they are not the same person anymore and this is an epidemic in this country and it's not being

addressed at the same time while people are going after illegal drugs, which, for the most part, aren't the real problem in this country. For sure. I mean, if you look at it, you say, okay, we've talked about this before, but we're talking mainly about pot and coke coming from Mexico. Obviously, they do some other methamphetamine things like that, which is not great. But the majority of heroin in this country, or in all countries, over 90% estimated comes from Afghanistan, which theoretically we've been in control of for the last 10 years

and have done nothing to call the poppy population, growth, poppy harvest. And so what's happening now is there's never been more heroin. Heroin in the last 10 years, heroin use in America has doubled. Price has gone down, quality has gone up, and that's when America's in control. It's so ridiculous. I don't know what anyone wants to talk about conspiracy theories or that,

but if America and Mexico are really fighting a drug war and yet there's never been more coke or more pot, and by the way, heroin is flooding the streets out of the country that we control, theoretically, then somebody's not opening their eyes. Because if you look at it, if you want to take it down to its simplest level,

America, since it's been running Afghanistan, has become the largest drug dealer in the world and the largest heroin dealer in the world. And that's a fact, because heroin addiction has skyrocketed in Russia, in Europe, in America, and then in countries that don't even have money for it, in the west coast of Africa, in India, in Pakistan, in Afghanistan, in Iran, places where they've never had heroin addiction because it's on the trail. And by the way, this is during a time when, you know, theoretically, we're supposed to be in there regulating the country. Well, we're not, and I don't know why, but I get to tell you why.

A lot of people are making a lot of money off that heroin. Well, Shane Smith, it sounds like you hate America. That's what I hear. When I hear you talking like this, it sounds like you hate America. I do not. I do not. You know what I'm saying, man? That's the argument against it.

I mean, it's so blatant. And one of the weirdest things is watching video of U.S. soldiers guarding poppy fields. I'm sure you've seen those. That is so surreal, man. It's so, like, in your face. I love America. I'm the perfect example of the American dream. I came down here and, you know, started a here and started a company and hired a bunch of people.

I love the promise of America. I love the people. I think it's the greatest country in the world. What I don't like is the fact that we suck up so much propaganda. I don't know how it's different than Nazi Germany, because Nazi Germany was doing bad shit. But they said, no, no, it's okay. We're doing good shit. And everyone went, no, no, it's okay, we're doing good shit.

And everyone went, okay. And how are we different? This is the land of the free. We're supposed to have a free media that tells the truth, and then we make up our own minds. What I'm saying is, okay, I love this country, but look, I'm going to tell the truth. And if we're complicit in doubling heroin addicts in America,

then we have to know that. If we're complicit in 50,000 murders in Mexico, then I'm going to say that, because otherwise, if nobody's saying it, then guess what? How are we different than Nazi Germany? I don't fucking know. Yeah, well, we got a bunch of lazy, unpatriotic motherfuckers running this thing, fucking hell yeah well we got a bunch of lazy unpatriotic motherfuckers running this thing because the people really were patriotic and really wanted to spec the ideal of what america is supposed to be there would never be any problem with freedom of the press there would never be any problem like what's going on with wiki leaks this would it would be something where they would want

to take account and and look at the grievances that the people have but we're running by lazy people that they don't have this idea of the the perfect utopian the people have. But we're running by lazy people, that they don't have this idea of the perfect utopian society that we think that we can all aspire to and can be created someday. We all hope if humanity keeps evolving, that we're going to get past this ridiculous system of crime and violence and poverty and eventually move on to some elevated level of society, some elevated state of consciousness, where we all can get along together and we basically can eliminate violence and eliminate all the bullshit aspects that are created by inequality and losers and people doing a shitty job of raising children.

And I think that this is something that we should all aspire to. This is something that we should all look towards. And when our government is being run by hacks and dummies, it's a real problem. And when they placate to all these dummies out there that form special interest groups and right-wing crazy religious wings, they're all doing themselves a disservice.

Everybody should be trying to move this fucking thing further than where it's at right now. And with rational discussion and logical thinking, you look at it and you go you go okay this drug thing's a big problem you got to fix this and who's making money and how is this where's this money going just knowing those numbers the government should be chasing that down on tv they should be going ladies and gentlemen the afghanistan you know opium supplies 90 of the world's opium supply we're in control of afghanistan so we're trying to figure out where the fuck this money's going. But no, it's just something instead that's never even brought up.

It's swept under the table. Whoever is making money off it continues to make money off of it, and we're supposed to just ignore it, you know, because Honey Boo Boo's on TV. You know, it's... Well, I agree with you 100%, and what I like about you is, you know, you call it like you see it, but also, you know, you call it like you see it,

but also, you know, you're a positive guy. And look, it's true. This country was founded on we can make a modern-day utopia. And, you know, it's founded on the American dream. And the thing is, is that shouldn't go away. That should be our, you know, number one thing. But it also has to be founded on truth. And the thing is, is what I try to do is find truth.

And what you do is you find that truth and then say, look, now we have to action that truth. And I think if there's a lot more, and I believe there's a lot of people like you and there's a lot of people like me out there. And we become disenfranchised because media is big business. We're sort of pushed out. There's only two parties in this country and and you know that you know i know that uh you know you're a libertarian and i'm like look i think there should be three four or five parties in this country because if there's only two parties in the country then they're always in power that means both parties are always in power and that's not a democracy yeah and i think what you have to

do is you have to say look there's a lot of people like us out there we have to start by telling the truth and then once we've told the truth, we have to say, now what do we do to try to go forward and not go backwards? And what people have to understand is true patriotism is pointing out all the fucked up shit that you see. True patriotism is not just sticking your head in the sand and ignoring it because you're on Team America. That's bad because these people are not representing

what means America to you or to I. What means America to you and I is opportunity and freedom and a place where there's not really a caste system and you can really rise from rags to riches and you can really seek your dreams. I mean, there's so many different things you can do in America. The upside of America is fucking awesome. And to pretend that somehow or another, ignoring all the corruption and craziness and all the things that turn

it into a money grab, all the things that ruin everything that's great about America, where our government has become a way where people can regulate the flow of money. The decisions the government make are all greatly influenced by corporations. And when you see you connect the dots and you connect the money trail, it's disgusting. It should be illegal. It should be eradicated from government. Government should not be about that. Government should be about the will of the people and the will of the people where they've sat down and intelligently debated every single situation.

If the United States government can have a real succinct debate with the American people about why we're invading other countries, that would be some fascinating shit. If we could do that on television and have a... But no, we don't get any decision-making capabilities at all when it comes to that stuff. We just have to choose a representative and then watch them do shit we don't want them to do. Yeah, and I mean, look, we've talked about this in the past as well, but when I went to SOFEX to the Middle East where they have arms fairs where, you know, countries, China, you know, all different, you know, Kazakhstan, Russia, all come to sell their weapons, and they come to sell their weapons to, you know, whoever wants to buy them.

You know, North Korea has bought weapons there, and, you know, well, for example, Syria was buying weapons there again, and they were using those weapons against their own people. And that's sponsored by us, and it's our companies that are making those arms to suppress democracy, to kill their own people, and we just care about making money. And when I saw that, I was bummed. But when I hung out with the Marines who were there as part of

the SOFACS, they do this sort of baddest special ops team on the planet, and the Marines were there and they were like, hold on a second, these weapons are being used against us, by terrorists, and we're here as if they're selling them like a like that at a mall this is what the fuck's going on and when you actually talk to people in the military about that kind of shit or using marines to uh to be protection on on haliburton trucks uh that are bringing like a six-pack because they get paid per truckload you just start to go what the fuck is happening i mean if you talk to you know most people you know in the military who saw that kind of stuff happen in Iraq, they're disgusted, and I'm disgusted, and I only heard about it. I didn't have to risk my life to do that kind of stuff.

And at a certain point, you're like, look, we can't use our military as cannon fodder. I don't know what the hell is going on, you know, with these kind of deals. But, you know, when we were at SOFAC, the Marines were, you know, it made me cry. I'll tell you the truth, because these guys came to the realization that American companies are selling weapons to other armies that are using those weapons to kill us. It's such a fucking mess, man, and not being addressed. It should be one of the primary issues That our society deals with

Where's the money going Where are our tax dollars going How are they being represented in these foreign countries And what is the actual physical liability of it How many people have actually died I've never seen a real honest accounting of that either Like you look at the amount of innocent deaths In Iraq

And it varies from the really conservative people, bring it at like 100,000. That's like the really conservative people. But the people that are really adamant against the war have it at around a million. I don't know what it is. Sanctions and

everything else tied together it's over a million. And you're like, okay, so you guys we had to go in and get Saddam Hussein out because he was an evil dictator. But what about all the African evil dictators? What about, you know, Charles Taylor in Liberia? You know, did we get him out? No, we supported him.

I mean, like, you know, well, did they have oil? You know what we need, dude, for real? We need, like, real live Avengers. We really need, like, superheroes who are bulletproof who can turn into the Hulk and just go over there and fuck up, you know, like, dictators and take... I mean, really, if science and engineers are working on things like that, they need to develop real superheroes.

That's the only thing that's going to save us at this point. I know that you just got your black belt, so, you, so I'm voting for you to be our first superhero. Congratulations. Double black belt. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Double rainbow. Yeah, I got my black belt today from John Jock Machado.

So do you wear both of them? No, no, no, no. I wear one of them. It's symbolic in no gi. You don't really wear a belt, but you get to wear a black rash guard if you want. In John Jocks, it's a gi class. I wore a black belt, like actual belt. That's awesome.

Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you. Thanks, brother. It's an honor. Listen, man, when are you going to be back in L.A. again? We've got to have these fucking long, long, crazy conversations that we always have.

I know you have a bunch of other press that you're doing for this, and you've got to go. As soon as I'm back in L.A., I'll do your show. I love you. I love being on the show. I know you have a bunch of other press that you're doing for this and you've got to go. As soon as I'm back in LA, I'll do your show. I love you. I love being on the show. I wish I could be there

in person. I'm just doing tons of press and things going on. I really appreciate being on the show. I know you've got another guest

and I won't take up any more time but I love you. I love the show. Congratulations on the Black Belt. Thank you, brother. Listen,

the feeling is mutual. I'm going to pakistan um uh and and afghanistan and iraq and iran if i can get into iran jesus to sneak into afghanistan so when i get back i'll come straight out and tell you all the stories jesus christ what stories you'll have holy shit dude the feeling is mutual i was a huge fan of yours before i ever met you and now I'm honored that we're friends. You're the coolest motherfucker I know, and just keep going out there and doing what you're doing because it's beautiful.

Your videos are the best fucking thing that's on the internet, television, period. I find the whole vice.com team to be... You guys are exposing the coolest, most interesting, most intriguing, the most baffling, mystifying shit in the world. And I'm honored that we're friends, brother. Thank you, man. I'll see you on the internet. We'll talk soon.

Alright, brother. Take it easy. Bye. Powerful Shane Smith. Bye, Shane. Shane might be one of the coolest humans on the planet. He's fearless, man. This motherfucker is just telling us he's going to Pakistan and Iran and Iraq. Jesus Christ, son. Jesus Christ. Sam Tripoli, you awake over there? man this motherfucker is just telling us he's going to pakistan and iran and iraq jesus christ son jesus christ sam tripley you awake over there oh hell yeah come on over here you sexy bitch

sam tripley and brian redman were my dancing partners this weekend in sacramento first of all how fucking awesome is sacramento sacramento is like one of those uh lost gems of a city that people don't recognize. You know, when people talk about like cool cities to go to, like you got to throw Sacramento in that mix. Sacramento is fucking badass. It's beautiful up there. It was weird flying in and seeing these crazy river systems they have up there and seeing all the farms. And you realize like irrigation.

Yeah, there's a big slice of california that is just farms yep you know when you're flying over it and looking down at that shit sacramento's interesting because like i was you know doing the show and they're like i said something about every all the mma fighters and adult film stars come from sac they're like yeah that's sacramento it's like it's a great city man's like, I know you guys think it sucks, but it's pretty phenomenal, man. Oh, it's great. It's a great place to live. Uriah Faber's got a fat setup up there.

He's got this huge gym and all that Team Alpha Male dudes. I love their setup, too, because they also bought houses together on a street. They call it the block, I think. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. And so they all live in one neighborhood. So one guy lives here, the other guy lives across the street, which is what I've been wanting to do for a long time. like the block i think oh that's cool yeah and so they all live in like one neighborhood so like one guy lives here the other guy was across the street which is what i've been wanting to do for

a long time i think that would be the fucking coolest thing ever and i've been stressing it lately with all my friends and we had a nice house chronicles here the other day we all got hammered and we were talking about it we're all like we're gonna move to santa barbara fuck it we're all gonna move that's a great city dude yeah it's a fucking great city and what i was thinking is are you gigging there soon we just did i just did the lobero theater there how was it fucking phenomenal cool as shit there's no stand-up up there there's no stand-up it's this great town they don't have a goddamn comedy club well it's really weird because it's a it's a late late night crowd it's like they don't come out to

like 10 at night and then like before that it's really dead on like state street which is their main street really yeah i've done shows out there there's a lot of people in the daytime there i've been there a couple times in the daytime there's a lot of people down there it is great it's it's got everything you want a very intelligent population like a more of a nighttime crowd yeah like a nightclub type crowd yeah they beat yeah all the good people hide that were hanging out during the day, buying little gifts and stuff like that. And then this creepy nightlife goes in.

Well, there's like two awesome colleges there, and there's a very intelligent population there. So it's like the perfect place for a comedy club. Yeah, and you know what it also is? A lot of old Hollywood is there. I was there, I saw Carol Burnett. Carol Burnett fucking looks good man she still looks good she's like 79 she looked great i was like holy shit that's cal burnett you

know um there's a lot of like old hollywood that lives there they're like they checked out and they moved up to this one spot they all agreed to go to this one spot i don't know i don't know how they pulled it off but it's basically one of the fucking best climates on earth it never gets hotter than weather's perfect it gets like it's from 85 to the fucking best climates on earth it never gets hotter than weather's perfect it gets like it's from 85 to 65 all year round that's it that's like the whole that's all year round i like san diego a little more like just outside san diego but both those cities are pretty san diego's phenomenal but what we were talking about you couldn't hear because you were you didn't have headphones on we're sitting back there but we were talking about

what shane smith was mexico and how crazy mexico is because of the drug wars i heard part of it yeah phenomenal that was phenomenal amazing he's uh amazing guy but but mexico is right next to san diego i mean that is a one of the nuttiest things about this country is that la jolla which has some of the most beautiful homes on earth i mean la jolla is fucking staggering where that comedy store is yeah the views there have you ever like looked over at some of those houses and you look out in those views you're like oh my god one time one time i did a show there and these two drunk like cougar were at the show and they just got shit face and then afterwards they came out they're like you get in the car and they pointed me and it was this this bentley and i just

jumped in like it's bentley rollies and they drove me around and they took me this area and it was the biggest house i've ever seen and it's like there are some rich rich people in la jolla oh yeah well there's also that coronado island that's right there that is apparently one of the richest places on earth that's where donald rumsfeld lives he lives on this island like they have all these castles and fucking you know billionaires live there isn't it right after like manhattan it's like the most expensive land per square foot coronado island's right up there i think it's supposed to be like this really elite community oh yeah i've looked at some of the houses online and they're just fucking jaw-dropping they're like palaces like works of art you know like someone has just you know put tons and

millions and millions of dollars into fucking you know importing marble and all this crazy shit and you're looking at like what a fucking house man and then you can walk to mexico yeah you could walk to tijuana from that that's crazy. You could get there in a day on foot just walking. It's just the Wild West. Just think about the old days, like when countries, like when you really did, like people did walk around, like in the Conan the Barbarian days. They really, like, got on horses or they walked from town to town. You could walk from La Jolla to Tijuana and you could get there easily in a couple of hours. Right.

What is it? How many miles is it? Well, I think La Jolla is about like 20 minutes from downtown San Diego, which is about probably like 5 to 10 minutes from the border. So it's like 20 miles. San Diego, downtown San Diego is only 5 to 10 minutes from the border? Yeah, it's like right there. Wow. Yeah, I took a wrong turn on the way home from Comic-Con,

and I was going that direction. I was like, holy shit, I need to turn around before I can't. Before I'm going to Mexico. Jesus Christ. Well, I enjoyed that American Comedy Company place that we worked at. Yeah, it's a beautiful club. Is there issues there? Are we going to be going back there, Sam Tripoli?

What's going on there? It was a great time. It was just a discussion between me and him on the wording of the deal and the wording of what the show he agreed to and what he actually got. I don't want to get into it on the podcast. Well, listen, man. We can start doing regular shows in San Diego. We could totally start doing that.

We should do it everywhere. We should do it everywhere. San Diego, Santa Barbara. Yeah, wherever we want. We could drive to. I'm doing all these road gigs, and there's a lot of shit that I could do around L.A. too that we need to do more often.

But the Comedy Store, I mean, the Ice House, which is my new version of the Comedy Store. Yeah. I can't do the Comedy Store anymore, but I do the Ice House. I would love to see you come back at some point. Yeah, I told you how it has to happen. Certain people have to get hit by meteors and abducted by aliens when we were flying back from uh sacramento a woman sat in the middle of

me and red band and she must have been loving life but uh she's from chico and chico and there's santa rosa and there's all those awesome party cities they have these gorgeous theaters that they have nothing going on right right right you go out there and do a couple theater gigs and make some great cash out there yeah and you know places if you could do a show in a place like santa barbara you can do a show in a number of different places like that there's they're all i mean there's 20 million of us here yeah in la it's pretty nutty and then there's all the fucking north shit ventura where nobody goes to you know nobody ever did when was the last time you saw a comedy show in ventura there's a ventura

comedy uh comedy club it's a it's not a new place no it's well it's been there for a little while it's it's in like a a boat harbor and it's actually a really fun crowd i think diaz told me he did that did diaz do that yeah you gotta pick certain nights because he likes it really clean there oh how dare he which i don't understand where that exists like i get the comedy magic club because that's kind of a tradition and it's kind of like a thing there but like a certain place you gotta keep cleans like where does that exist it's silly they're silly comedy the idea of keeping it clean for stand-up comedy you know you're selling the wrong thing there can be clean guys there's gonna always be guys like gaffigan who are fucking hilarious who's clean or mitch The idea of keeping it clean for stand-up comedy, you're selling the wrong thing. There can be clean guys.

There's going to always be guys like Gaffigan who are fucking hilarious, who's clean. Or Mitch Hedberg, who's one of my all-time favorites. Yeah. And Mitch Hedberg was very clean. Very clean. No sex. Rarely swore. Didn't need to swear.

And if he swore, it was like an afterthought. You know, fuck, man! It's not like a part of his bit. He didn't have to have the swear in it. And he was brilliant. But that was his style, man. That was what he... That's the way he did his comedy. And the way you do your comedy, you swear.

The way Diaz does his comedy. I couldn't imagine someone telling me that Joey Diaz could be the same if Joey Diaz didn't swear. Because that's crazy. That's crazy talk. And it's a stupid way to think. Now, I didn't know Mitch Hedberg, but how was he off stage was he that guy off stage it's like usually how you are off stage you should be that on stage to a degree you know maybe even amplify it oh well he definitely he was a regular guy i mean i only had a chance to talk to him a few times i never really hung out with him but

he was good buddies with stanhope but i did get to work with him a couple of times i worked with him at the store once and And he was a good dude. Just a regular guy. But his comedy was just, he had such a unique cadence to it. You know, and a unique sort of really relaxed, silly observations on things. It was really fun to watch. But, you know, again, nothing like me. Squeaky clean.

Nothing like me. But I still love it. You know, I think comedy is just, who are you? Who are you? Are you Tony Hinchcliffe? Are you Sam Tripoli? Are you Brian Redband? Who the fuck are you?

And your comedy is different. Brian says a lot of silly shit that I really would never pull off on stage. But with him, with his personality, it's like everybody has their own vision of what is funny. And you can't say you know oh enforce your vision but do it with limited language i want you to i want you to not be free to say everything you want or discuss everything you want i'm not saying that you should discuss sex or you know or anything fucked up anything controversial but if you want to you should you shouldn't but you you know it's not like you have

to do it yeah because every people have gotten by like jerry seinfeld never talks about politics on stage never talks about sex but yet brilliant comic and has this amazing career it's like you don't have to do anything yeah i like i can appreciate stanhope and bill hicks and then i also grew up loving ellen i ellen's's stand-up is very simple to me, but it's very funny and it's well-written, and I like to think maybe that's her. I mean, I've never really watched her talk show. Sure, it's her.

She started it all. I mean, before she ever had a talk show, she was doing great stand-up. I don't think she had writers. It's all her. Yeah, Jeff Foxworthy, same thing. You might be a redneck, but his stand-up, I always thought, was very well-written and very funny.

He's a good joke writer. Yeah. He's got great... Some of that, you might be a redneck shit. Look, people discount it because they love to discount redneck anything, but there's a lot of that good fucking writing. Or anything that gets so good, so popular, it almost becomes like I have to hate it because everybody loves it. There's a lot of that's good fucking writing or anything funny shit so good so popular it almost becomes like i have to hate it because everybody loves it there's a little of that i felt that

it was a little going on with larry the cable guy you know larry the cable guy i've always felt as a fun character he's funny i think his writing is good i've i've seen some of his shows he's a fucking good comic man he made me laugh and he took a gigantic rash of shit which i feel was mostly based on just people like first of all everybody has their own taste as far as comedy goes but there's a one weird thing that people do if they have a certain type of taste your taste has got to be wrong you know if you you're what you're doing is bullshit you're like you could i've heard the the argument argument that Dice Clay is homophobic. Dice Clay is a misogynist.

He's this and that. If you don't say that that is a crazy, exaggerated character, that he's just going over the brink for the sake of entertainment, if you want to hold him to the standard of that's who he is really as a human being, you're ridiculous. You're a ridiculous person. I agree. And, you know, if someone else was saying it maybe looked a little different, they wouldn't be so angry.

It's so interesting how it's so much more the messenger than the message when it comes with comedy right now. Well, it's also when you get famous and you have a lot on the line. Like what Daniel Tosh said, all that stuff that got everybody all fired up. If he was nobody and said that, no one would have given a shit. It was the fact that he's this guy who has this huge Comedy Central show and he allegedly said something to piss some woman off about rape.

That's where the impact came from. The impact came from he had a lot to lose. And that's this weird thing when we got in this country because immediately people were calling out for him to be fired. He should lose his job. What he said, first of all, besides it not being that big a deal, it was a normal thing to say in a comedy club,

it also had nothing to do with his television show. And to say that he should be held accountable to every word that comes out of his mouth when he's ad-libbing on stage in a comedy club, you don't understand the art of comedy then and you have no fucking business judging it because you know and i know that when you're in the fucking heat and uh bullets are flying your way and you're interacting with a heckler and you got you gotta you gotta respond there's a brief window of maybe a second or two after the word where you really have impact where you have the instant correct answer and boom you gotta drop it on that bitch that happened in sacramento of course it did and i had to put some people in in their place which was really hard because the room is all black

yeah so you can't even see who you're dealing with well this is it's not that the room it's the spotlight is super powerful too and it's in your. And all you see is silhouettes. I have a big problem within this country. And with the whole notion that if you say something I don't like, you have to go away. And we can't disagree on a point. Right. It drives me nuts. Like, you know, I'm a liberal guy. And there's sometimes, you know, these conservatives say some pretty wacky shit.

And then people want to fire them? I don't get that. Like, I'd rather prove you wrong than actually make you go away. Like the guy who used to book David Letterman's show who said women in the Midwest doesn't think women are funny. That's Ed, right? Yeah. Ed, who was it? What is Ed?

I forget his name. Oh, my God. How can I not remember his name? Fuck, I can't remember his name. But he got fired from that position. But you shouldn't fire him because he's stating something that he feels he's learned over a certain amount of time. Someone should have shown him that he was wrong. Women are funny.

And if you think that, you should have shown him. Making him go away Doesn't change Eddie Eddie Eddie Brill Eddie Brill Doesn't change God I hate when that happens

My brain sucks That's what happens I didn't take Alpha Brain today Yeah if your brain sucks Mine is broken down I wonder if Alpha Brain And weed just cancel Each other out

Not to me No No I definitely have An impact Whether I take it Or don't take it Because you remember Do you remember When you first started Smoking weed And No, no. I definitely have an impact whether I take it or don't take it.

Because you remember, do you remember when you first started smoking weed and the next morning you'd wake up and you're like, wow, man, I'm my head. I'm still fucked up from that weed last night. I feel foggy. And then that just kind of went away. No, I mean, I think everybody's body processes things differently. You know, my body's always processed weed where for whatever reason, the next day I was fine. Really? Yeah, I'm fine in a few hours.

My body goes through it pretty quick. I remember it used to be a big thing when I first started smoking weed, how it almost lasted the next day where I felt my brain just not being as clear. People don't know how deep we go sometimes, too. Sometimes we get so high. Duncan and I, the other day, we talked about it on his podcast. We had a great podcast that we did together, the Duncan Trussell Family Hour. You could download it from – you could find it.

Go online. Figure it out. T-R-U-S-S-E-L-L. But we got super bazooka-ed, bazooka-ed, and then we went to Costco, and it was my first time going to Costco. Have you ever been to any kind of thing like that before? I don't think I had. Wow.

I don't think I had. I might have been to something a long, long, long time ago, and it didn't mean anything to me because I was probably sober when I was there. Yeah. But to go through high, it was like we were totally fear and loathing in Las Vegas. Him and I were like – Did you see weird shit? Oh, we were so baked. We had no business out in public. No business.

Because we were about to do a podcast together. And first of all, I was very happy because Duncan and Brian had finally made up. And all this craziness of two of my best friends at war with each other. It was fucking nonsense. And it lasted for so long. It was really stressful. But thankfully, it all worked out. And so we were super psyched.

So we just got deep, deep, deep, deep, deep into the hole. We just kept going at it. We kept killing this joint. And they were like, oh my god, we're too high. We're too high. And we walked down to the Costco. And I forget what we were trying to get. And now you have 82 paper towels in your car.

No, I didn't get anything. Well, you know why we didn't get anything? Because that's what happened. We went down there to get a grill. And they don't sell grills after september it was 110 fucking degrees outside after september yeah and they were like well that's a seasonal item i go whoa whoa a fucking barbecue grill is seasonal in la when it's always warm yeah that's so yo i use my grill year roundround. I love barbecuing. I think, like, barbecuing steak on the grill,

for me, it lights up some caveman shit that I have. You know, they say dudes have, like, Neanderthal in them. I got chimp in me, dude. I have, like, some DNA that came from the first chimp that figured out how to start a fire by banging rocks together. And so I... Good, dude. I can't take that shit and um when i uh when i get like a primal satisfaction over like grilling steaks like it's it's a it's a creepy

thing get your blood pumping like if anybody else in my family wanted to cook the steaks i'd be like what the fuck is wrong with you back the fuck off my crazy are you crazy you don't know how to fucking cook a steak on a grill you're gonna fuck this experience up i got it down where i have an iphone um a stopwatch thing yeah i know exactly how long i know exactly i know how many i use uh these little um charcoal chimneys yeah you ever seen those things no well they um you know when you get like a weber grill you know those weber grills is all you need but those those Weber grills, they also sell these Weber charcoal chimneys. And you stuff like some ripped up trash bag or something, some paper on the bottom. It looks like a flower sifter.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you pour the charcoal in it and light a fire on the bottom. And then it cooks it all the way through the top so the coals are like white hot. You lay those bitches down. And I know exactly how high the grill is and I let it sit on that grill for five minutes. I let that grill get stupid hot and then I know exactly how much the

time based on how thick the steak is based on how much it's sputtering You got this down to a science. What's your favorite steak? Because I used to be filet and then I just went with the what's the one that has the filet and the other steak together? Well, for health reasons and taste reasons there's two – I have to say there's two different things. I love the taste of grass-fed ribeyes.

It's a different taste. It's more meaty or more gamey rather. It's almost like a buffalo or like it's a weird – it's more like a game animal. Because what we don't realize is that we're feeding cows shit they're not supposed to be yeah that's why i just i don't know man i know you gave me shit about wanting to become a vegetarian and i don't but i just don't like the way we're raising animals right now it just doesn't seem healthy well you can raise them grass-fed you can buy grass-fed meat and we're actually we're having a guy in on the podcast uh in the future uh the guy from the who wrote the bulletproof executive uh dave asprey he's uh coming on the podcast soon and he's gonna explain all of this shit for us

and uh that's uh that's uh so that's much needed because uh i don't understand like what you know how much of an effect uh grass-fed meat has on you as opposed to corn fed but apparently it's pretty fucking substantial i'm sure it is But apparently it's pretty fucking substantial. I'm sure it is. Yeah. Apparently it's substantial not just with the meat but with the milk. If you drink milk from a grass-fed animal and even cheese and butter from grass-fed cows, it's better for you, which is really kind of nuts. But the corn in this country, corn is a gigantic crop and they try to use it for everything.

Everything now. And the price of corn has skyrocketed. But also people like the way corn-fed beef tastes because it gets so fatty. There is really an argument for how delicious a corn-fed ribeye is because they're fucking substantial. You get a fat-ass corn-fed ribeye and cook it over some mesquite wood. Oh, son! It's delicious. Do you know who's a big griller? It's Michael Faberman.

Oh, Mike Faberman is a chef. He's amazing. He's a gourmet chef. He's a bad motherfucker, bro. Yeah, he's a bad motherfucker. That's some of the best steak I've had in a while is his steak. Yeah, Faberman's a bad motherfucker. We've talked about him.

We should have an event here and have him cook here. Fuck yeah, he'd love that shit. That would be fucking badass, man. That would be totally badass. And he could do stand-up, too. Hold the grill. He's going to do 10 minutes. I don't know if he's done a podcast.

I know he's looking to do something. He should have a podcast. He should have a cooking show. There's no cooking guys like Faberman. Faberman's a guy's guy. He's a big, meaty motherfucker. And he's fast, too. He's really funny. He's one of my favorite people to gigs with guy's guy he's a big meaty motherfucker and he's fast too he's really funny he's like one of my favorite people to gigs with yeah he's a great guy he's a

fun guy to talk to too he has crazy he's old school comedy story he's been around there forever yeah we've known faberman since the it was the 90s i think first met faberman wasn't it like yeah yeah yeah 98 he's working a lot when i got picked up, and that was about 99. Well, we went to his place after September 11th. We were watching all the shit go down on TV from Faberman's house. I got pictures of me and Diaz and Ralphie May. Yeah, we were baked as fuck hanging out at Faberman's place watching. You guys were high as fuck watching? Oh, my God.

Yeah, we were blasted. Well, that was just a- You got high back then watching oh my god yeah blasted well that was um you got high back then I didn't know you got high that long ago yeah I was gonna say that was about a year after I started smoking weed I started smoking weed at 2000 I remember that too yeah around 2000 99 maybe 99 2000 somewhere around then and uh then um right after that September 11th happened so maybe it was my fault, man. I fucked reality up with my thinking. Man, right around September 9th, I just can't watch television because everything's just a reenactment of that crazy-ass shit. Was those attacks on the American embassies, what day did those take place?

September 11th. Same one as our freedom. So they did it on did it like on purpose symbolically on that day yeah that guy who put out that video i mean there's so much bullshit with that video first of all explain what you're talking about for people well the video uh innocence of muslims that came out yeah i think it's it's on youtube it's so poorly done and it's like everybody's in black face or this is more brownface because they're playing Muslims. And it's so stupid.

Like, I can't believe that people went that crazy over something that dumb. Like, if Steven Spielberg came out with something that was well executed, I could understand why someone would go nuts. I really can't even understand that. But I can understand if it was done well. This is so poorly done. You know, there's the really crazy, I shouldn't say crazy, but conspiracy inclined folks think this is a CIA job. And they think that the CIA is doing this to rally up these American enemies so that we're forced to go to a war against Muslim countries and we can justify a war against Iran or anybody else. And that's the reason why they think this thing got so popular so quickly. Because before I even knew about this film, they were already bombing U.S. embassies.

They just immediately went to rocket attacks. And I was like, how did they find out about it? I mean, what kind of Twitter account do they have? I have 800,000 people on my Twitter account and I didn't find out about it until someone shot a rocket into an embassy. How are these people – how is that information distributed so quickly, and then how is this organized so quickly where people just immediately are protesting it? Like you've all seen it? Yeah.

You've all got together and saw it. I'm not sure that that's how viral that video was. It seems to me like, man, if I wanted to look at the past of some of the shit that America's done, like the Gulf of Tonkin incident and all the different things that we've done to try to get us into war. Yeah, people need to understand that that happens.

Yeah, that has happened. It's fact. There's no getting around it. It's 100% fact. The Bay of Pigs, that's a fact too. You know, Operation Northwoods, that's a fact. There's a lot of crazy facts about war. So if you wanted to really piss off Muslims and get them to do something stupid,

what's really ridiculous is all you have to do is make a depiction of their guy, make a depiction of this Mohammed character. And you could do it as a CIA psy-op or whatever they call it. One of the women who's on the show, an actress, Cindy Lee, she claims that her voice was dubbed. And she says that she has a role in the controversial low-budget film titled The Innocence of Muslims, which has sparked riots against the US and the Middle East. I mean, this is like some shit out of a fucking movie. This movie is some shit out of a movie.

Wag the dog? of a fucking movie. This movie is some shit out of a movie. She says, yeah, exactly. More than that. More crazy than that. The actors were deceived, Garcia told the Hollywood Reporter. My voice was dubbed and it wasn't even my voice. I had no idea he did that until the trailer came out. My only part

was the role of a mother talking to her husband, her daughter, and this man named Master George. In the film, Garcia plays the mother of a 12- to her husband, her daughter, and this man named Master George. In the film, Garcia plays the mother of a 12-year-old girl who is set to marry the prophet Muhammad. Whoa. Garcia is heard insulting Muhammad, asking her husband if Muhammad was a child molester

because her daughter is but a child and he's 55 years old. Wow, this is crazy. So they put all that into her mouth after it was made. It's very possible that this is like some CIA shit. There's a lot of money involved. They're just trying to rile these motherfuckers up to give us an excuse to start going in there. And this is how it starts.

Rocket attacks on embassies is step one. It's real weird to listen to general wesley clark talk about all this stuff in like 2000 and it was 2004 or 2008 he basically brian can you pull that up please uh general wesley clark predicts u.s attacks maybe i can't believe it you know we gotta stop calling it military defense and just start calling it military offense because that's what it seems to be now. We're just always on the offensive, man.

And it never seems to work out. Yeah, the plan. Look up General Wesley Clark, and it says reveals U.S. plan to invade Iraq. And this guy, I forget what year this was that he did this interview, but he basically outlines everything that's happening today. Okay, it was 2007 he outlined this. Enjoy me better. Enjoy me better.

Enjoy me better. And more of this. Enjoy this bitch. Apparently jerk off lotions are sponsoring this very important message. Enjoy me better. Jerk off lotions are so critical to a good masturbation. It's this here. No, no, no. You're watching a movie, son.

General Wesley Clark reveals U.S. plan. If you just type General Wesley Clark in YouTube, yeah, that's exactly it in Democracy Now. Hit the volume. He says, we've made the decision we're going to war with Iraq. I came back to see him a few weeks later, and by that time we were bombing in Afghanistan. I said, are we still going to war with Iraq? And he said, oh, it's worse than that.

He said, he reached over on his desk, he picked up a piece of paper, he said, I just got this down from upstairs meeting the Secretary of Defense's office today, and he said, this is a memo that describes how we're going to take out seven countries in five years, starting with Iraq and then Syria, Lebanon, Libya, Somalia, Sudan, and finishing off Iran. Wrap your heads around that. Wrap your heads around that, ladies and gentlemen. This is General Wesley Clark in 2007 describing the u.s plan to invade iraq syria lebanon libya somalia sudan and iran and this is all areas where shit

is going down um especially like what just happened in libya look what's going on i mean that's where the u.s embassy was bombed was in libya Somalia is, of course, a hotbed of piracy. There's always some crazy shit going on in Somalia, which, by the way, I don't necessarily blame the Somalians at all. If you go and look up their history and look up what they call the voluntary coast guard of Somalia, I think that's what they call themselves. They started kidnapping people because they were kidnapping European ships who were dumping poison into their waters. Their waters were completely polluted and they're like a fishing culture.

Oh, Jesus. And so they started going out and kidnapping these Europeans. But then it became like much more profitable to kidnap people than it was to fish because they fucking polluted this shit out of that water. They dumped toxic waste right off their oceans, just killed the fishing population. That's just horrible.

Yeah, it's crazy shit. So these people really went full on desperado. Like it was created by greed. The Somalian problem was created by greed. And that seems to be the biggest problem with a lot of the decisions being made. One thing that scares me about the military right now is that how many people are in charge of the military that never were in the military.

Right. You know, it's very easy to be like, you know, to talk a game about punching people in the face if you've never been punched in the face. You know, it's like if you've been punched in the face, you think twice about starting a fight. Yes. Because you know it hurts. Right. And you know what you can do to fight yes because you know it hurts right and you know what you can do to somebody if you know how to

fight you know what you could do to somebody you don't want somebody doing that to you you know you're like whoa nelly you know i had a conversation with a dude who's like oh i could have kicked that guy's uh you know he's talking shit i could have kicked his ass like how do you know you could have kicked his ass you don't know anything about that guy i know some little dudes that can fuck you up you know and people who uh run around thinking that they could just get in fights fights fights are fucking terrible it's never a good thing to get in a fight i think this is the first election ever where both guys running for the presidency i think neither of them have military backgrounds and i think that's

like such an interesting thing that you're putting the guy in charge of the military that's never actually had any military experience. That's interesting. Is that the case? I've never heard of it. Clinton went against George Bush Sr. Who was military? Well, he was CIA and yeah, he was military in World War II.

He flew. Yeah. I mean, but he was not just military. He was actually a part of the intelligence community and the head of the CIA. Reagan was military? What was he? I think he flew, too. Or I know he was something in the military.

And, of course, George Bush Jr. was like all the craziness of his National Guard duty. Yeah, he went fishing once. He was an Eagle Scout. Yeah, he was in a weird situation. But then again, well who was the opposing mccain yeah mccain was running for president and he was obviously a war hero yeah it's kind of interesting these are the first two guys he was up against that guy who married the ketchup heiress uh who was the guy uh that they actually somehow made him look bad uh who was

the guy that bush ran against The second First term was Al Gore Second term John Kerry Is that what you're talking about Yeah John Kerry I thought you said John McCain My bad No no no

I said McCain was the guy who Obama went against Yes So I think this is the first time We've had two guys who have No military background at all Yeah no I think you're right John Kerry was military

Obviously the whole swift boat thing yeah just was ridiculous meanwhile kerry probably should have won you know who knows how much fuckery was going on with that go go watch on tv or on youtube go look up hacking democracy it's one of the craziest documentaries i've ever seen about those voting machines and how easily they could change the votes and i don't understand why people don't think that this is at all possible. Come on. When that much money is at stake, people do some shady shit.

There's so much money at stake. We can't even wrap our head around it. And people become addicted to all this money. It's just like I was talking about earlier with Shane Smith, the idea that the whole criminal system is a profitable system for a lot of people. There's a lot of people who get contracts to hire new security guards, and there's a lot of people that run private prisons. Especially in California.

Yeah, everywhere, man, everywhere. Look, there's jobs to be had in keeping drugs illegal. The real thing is you've just got to figure out how to make something that replaces those jobs with something that's actually good for people instead of arresting kids for pot you know there's got to be a way to do that where you figure out how to use all these people and you don't you don't take them out of work you just give them something productive to do instead of being fucking crazy uh you know anti-drug crusaders i mean the whole thing about destabilizing regions too you see that going on

right now in mexico like we are destabilizing that whole area for whatever reason i don't know either cheap labor or lower there's this whole you ever hear the the amaro that whole conspiracy theory about trying to turn like canada america and mexico into one kind of one i don't know group so that they all have the same denomination yeah didn't someone talk about that on cnn yeah and then they were talking about how like they did that with the euro but it's crumbling the euro right now it's like because all the different countries have different economic schemes going on they can't all support each other and it's it's just really interesting but there's that whole saying that they're trying to you know make mexico so poor that they need us to join in and then we make everybody like the amaro it's like this whole and

then when you do that you get rid of the u.s constitution that's all that whole conspiracy theory about that yeah it was jack wasn't it jack cafferty who was on cnn who actually brought up that but i think that's proven to be uh like obama actually addressed that and running for president he said there's no evidence of that well that's what he's gonna say well i mean do you really think that they're they're destabilizing mexico on purpose do you think that that's what's going on and that the idea is to just combine everything destabilize it so we have a reason to combine with it and then just take it over well there's a whole bunch of theories about that one yeah but destabilizing

it's easier to you know it's easier to deal with something when you're paying if you're you're saying that these drug cartels are have uh u.s u.s uh arm firearms it's easier to pay off the cartel than it is to pay off an entire mexican government do you understand what i'm saying yes it's easier to pay off the cartel than it is to pay off an entire Mexican government. Do you understand what I'm saying? Yes. It's much easier to pay off one guy than pay off a whole group of people. Yeah. Yeah.

It's it. The whole thing is very interesting. And if that's really how they've organized it, that they've decided to destabilize Mexico, what are they going to do to Canada to get them to join? Because Canada's economy is great. The people are fucking cool as shit. You know, like how are they going to make them hop on the Amero? get them to join because canada's economy is great the people are fucking cool as shit they're you

know like how they're gonna how they're gonna make them hop on the amaro the only thing that could is canadians are so goddamn agreeable they might just join up anyway well all righty where i guess we all have the same money eh canada is phenomenal i'm very excited about going there this week yeah we're gonna have a good time in toronto this week and uh i'm i'm really sorry i keep hearing all these uh stories about people that are trying to buy tickets, and then they buy them online. The only ones that are available are from these disreputable places that are charging, like, stupid, stupid amounts of money.

I got no control over that, folks, and I'm really sorry to hear about it. There's certain venues where you can kind of make different deals, but a lot of venues, including great ones like Massey Hall, they have it set up online. People can just buy the tickets, and then they can just sell them. And there's nothing they can do about it. I don't know how you can stop people from buying the tickets and then trying to resell them at a higher face value.

Scalping? Yeah, scalping. It's essentially like a legal version of scalping. I mean, I don't know how they do it, but they charge stupid amounts of money for the tickets. I have nothing to do with that, though, folks. I'm sorry. Louis C.K. is doing something different.

Cash only. You have to run to the comedy club and pay for cash. That's how he did it. He just said. That's at the comedy store. But I think other places he's allowing people to buy tickets with credit cards. But he can only use certain venues that don't have deals. And he's trying to figure out how to do it.

He's going Pearl Jam. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess. Somewhere along the line. But he can do anything he wants, you know? Yeah, I mean, he sold out the Comedy Store, which is 400 seats in like 20 minutes. And did he do it off of Twitter? How did people know that he was doing it?

He just said, hey, I'm going to be at the Comedy Store? Yeah. Yeah, he's not in town very often, so when he's in town, it's a big deal. It's so it's so good to see that la still has a great comedy scene like that you know that people are enjoying comedy enough that there's a big enough group of people that they can just immediately hear about that and everybody like runs out because those are probably like comedy fans you know the scene is great out here there's like uh how many like when I moved out here, it was like 99, I think. There was like three comedy clubs.

Now there's like five or six comedy clubs. Yeah, there's all these new ones, too, that have popped up. And there's so many like peripheral clubs, like the Irvine Improv, the Bray. I did Bray last night with Callan. Oh, did you go down there? Was he headlining it? Yeah, he popped in. Fucking hilarious, man. It was great.

It was really funny. And that's a great improv, too. Yeah, it is. And of course, the Ice House. Oh, we have a He was great. It was really funny. And that's a great improv, too. Yeah, it is. And of course, the Ice House. Oh, we have a show this Wednesday night at the Ice House. And it's a fucking stacked lineup, ladies and gentlemen. This is one of our best ones. We're doing these as often as possible.

We're trying to do these fucking things, if not every week, real close to it. And for us, it's like an opportunity to fuck around, to work on new material. And so you get a lot of guys who are stretching out and just fucking around. And we also do podcasts simultaneously that you could download. It's only available off of the Death Squad Network, which is on iTunes.

Are you guys selling tickets off that? No, no, no. We're selling tickets here at the Ice House. The Ice House takes it. But it's Dom Herrera, uh doug benson joey diaz duncan trussell um and oh greg fitzsimmons too that is a good line and maybe tom segura he might come down he hasn't told me that's a phenomenal line yeah and we're trying to do these as often as we can and uh it's 15 bucks and the fucking show's sick and you know it goes on forever i find death squad shows are great

but like it's hard for me to do new material there because it always crushes because you know they listen to the podcast and then like i have to take it somewhere else and try to crowd that doesn't listen to a podcast or doesn't know anything about death squad because they're such phenomenal crowds they're like always so hot and then i do a joke i'm like oh that crushed and then i go somewhere where maybe they don't know my podcast And I'm like oh that crushed And then I go somewhere Where maybe they don't know my podcast And then just like okay That did not get the response

Well it's also They don't know your personality So you're saying all this twisted shit Yeah What the fuck is this Crazy Armenian asshole But you're up there just Slinging that comedy dick

Like they're your fans Yeah yeah yeah I go in there I don't give a shit And like I had to follow Ian Edwards A couple days ago man that kid is funny very funny dude that guy's one of the best writers i know and he always has huge clumps of new material yeah and he makes me feel so lazy well you are lazy i'm not lazy i work my ass off bro is he

lazy i i write a lot uh i think he's really busy on a lot of different projects. I don't know if you're talking about comedy. Do you feel lazy when you watch a guy like Ian? Sometimes, but I'll tell you why. Let me say, when I do your gig, I'm not doing any shit. There's a little feeling. You're crazy, dude.

There's a little feeling that you may be lazy. Listen, there was a time when I was doing a little too much partying and I didn't write like I used to. Reality comes out. Yes, I will admit that. I always admit that. Now I know why people come to my podcast and stare at themselves the whole time.

It's very hard not to look at yourself on that screen. Can you take me off? You can easily not look at it. You're a grown man, Sam. Look me in the eye. I'm a vain man. I'm a very vain man. Are you liking the way you look? No, not at all. You're a grown man, Sam. No. Look me in the eyes. Jesus Christ. I'm a very vain man. Are you very vain? Are you liking the way you look? No, not at all. Be on this podcast. It made Dom Herrera quit drinking.

Really? Yeah. Saw himself all chubby and fat-faced. And then apparently Daniel Tosh said it was bothering him. And Dom's like, you know what? That's it. Yeah. Well, I'm in that same boat.

I was doing a lot of partying. I wish I could just do a little partying. I just, I want to party like it's... I don't remember flying back to Sacramento. I'm Led Zeppelin, 1972. I'm going to... We just got a new album out, and it's a world tour. Yeah, that's not good for your liver.

Yeah, well, that's why I had to stop. I wish I could just do it a little, but for me, it's like going to the gym and just doing like one push-up, and then you're like, oh, that's all I want to do. That's not how I do it. But you can enjoy a little bit of the marijuana. I can once in a while, but it's not really like...

Nobody has to get hurt, Sam. Nobody has to get hurt. I get really paranoid. Yeah. You know why? You should. Life is terrifying. You should be paranoid.

You're a little flesh bag. A little flesh bag walking around spinning off. I knew that's what I was going to hear. That's what we. You're a little flesh bag. A little flesh bag walking around spinning rocks. I knew that's what I was going to hear. That's what we are. We're human flesh bags. Dude, I love coming on this podcast, dude. You know why? Because it's the only place you could talk some political shit with brains not freezing up on you.

I did one last night, and you bring up the top. And even it's a political podcast, and their brains brains just freeze and nobody wants to talk about it. Well Sam Tripoli you do most of your podcasts with porn stars. No that's not true. You do most of them without porn stars?

I do I do a wide range of it. One fourth of it. Yeah. That's yeah. Only one fourth? Yeah. So the Naughty Show

is only one fourth porn stars now? I like to do a whole bunch of them. Okay. So I'm out of the loop. So did you start off at one point and was all like you would try to get porn stars on

and then you you just backed off of it and just mixed it up? Yeah after a while there it's just it's like I'm out of the loop. So did you start off at one point and it was all like you would try to get porn stars on, and then you just backed off of it and just mixed it up? Yeah, after a while there, it's just like I'm bored with that. I want to interview different things. I want to explore different parts of the world. But you find that when you're getting dudes on, you talk politics with them and they freeze up? Well, not just necessarily on a podcast, but just in general in like normal conversations this podcast i did last night where it's like brain just frees up if you bring a if you challenge someone's idea they get like you know but do you think that's what it is i think also people are tired of hearing about

politics it's gross like they want to talk about sports they want to talk about fun shit they want to talk about movies or video games or anything that's fun it's like you know when they're off of work and you start bringing up politics like oh fucking christ with this yeah i can't you know and for a lot of folks i mean that's really how they look at shit it's it's it's hard to want to concentrate on some bullshit hustle that you have no real control over yeah and i also think they're just tired of the same rhetoric and like they think it's gonna just devolve into screaming we're gonna. We're going to put America back to work. Why they sign free trade deals. That's what I like to talk about.

The stories that you only hear for a glimpse and then they disappear. You're like, well, what about that? And people are like, what do you think of gay Republicans? There's a lot of them. It's sort of like vampire familiars. They want to stay close to the master but it's also like it's very interesting that they've decided to go with their financial needs more than their social needs because i feel like most people vote on their social needs

it's very complicated sam there's a lot of shit going on with being a gay republican first of all the the self-loathing aspect of you know a lot of gay people are very ashamed of being gay yeah it's very sad and tragic but it's also true you know i know gay people that are that like are really uncomfortable about the the way people view people that are gay and so there's some self-loathing going on there's also people that came from you know perhaps they came from like really restrictive family environments. So they have like a deep sense of shame and their own sexual needs. And, you know, they don't mind that this Republican Party loathes their existence and wants to stop them from being married. They don't mind as long as

they appear to be, you know, they appear to be you know they appear to be respectable when they're connected with the republicans it's like they're having dinner with the vampire right you know they're like right there with the the monster that that holds them back and treats them like shit and wants to throw rocks at them they caught them fucking you know no there is something to that yeah well there's something that people become there's a lot of uh you know uh black guys become uh really uh they become like Uncle Tomish with with with racists and they they embrace the one that's holding them back. You know, it's a common thing that's that drove people crazy in the black community when they would find a black guy, you know, kowtowing to racists like that. Just said, you know, that that that gross sort of uh you

know thing okay masa whatever you need masa right and like man this is sad shit like what are you doing man you're you're you're like you need to get away with this piece of shit this this guy's a slave owner one of my favorite bits of yours when i first started watching you perform was about how interracial porn is like the number one porn in the South. It's a disproportionate amount of people watch internet interracial porn in the deep South disproportionate amount. And I was like, well,

that's not, not black guys watching that shit. Yeah. It's white guys. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it's just so nasty. There's just something about that.

This seems so taboo. Taboo. She bought that black dick. Look at her enjoying black dick look at her enjoying it look at her enjoying it yeah yeah it's uh there's something fucked up about racism man there's something really weird about it it's from a state of fear it's just fear of uh and there's some uh you know ethnocentrism well there's also weird shit we're you know it's not even about black people like well how about also weird shit we're you know it's not even about black people like well how about about like chinese workers that you know make your cell phone to get 50 cents a week you know i'm exaggerating i don't know what they really get but you know the foxconn suicides and

you find out these factories where all your iphone shit is getting creative is got nets set up because people want to jump off the roof like oh yeah yeah yeah pretty fucking crazy and i've heard people defending that where they go well actually if you think about it the number of people that commit suicide there it's uh actually less than your average city in foxconn is basically like a city there's 500 000 people living there and you're like yeah but most people don't commit suicide at work yeah and their whole their whole argument was, well, if they made an iPhone here in America, it would cost $5,000. You're like, okay, so that's kind of like a very selfish point of view, right? Yeah.

Well, it is true that it would cost more money, but I think it's been disproven that it would cost that much more money. I think they said it would cost like an extra $50 or something like that and you can make an iphone in in america and pay people a fair wage i forget the number so i shouldn't really say 50 bucks but it wasn't enough to really shock the shit out of me but then i've seen other ones that say it's thousands of dollars like 14 000 so i don't know who the fuck is right and who's telling the truth and what kind of funny hollywood logic they're doing as far as their their mathematics you want racism, go to China. That's racism, man. I went there with Steve Burns.

I had a beard on. I look very Middle Eastern when I get a beard rocking, and I could not get a taxi to pick me up because Middle Easterns over there, they think they're all drug dealers. So no one would pick us up. So we flagged down this one guy that would pick us up, and he literally had taken what looks like a hot dog vending machine and turned it into a taxi. And we sat in the back, and you can ask anybody who goes to China,

driving over there is crazy. They have lights, but they don't follow them. They're like Christmas ornaments, traffic lights. They're just over there blinking, and no one's following them. Really? They just go through red lines? Here's the crazy thing, right? You want to make a left-hand turn in China, you don't make it from the left-hand side.

You come all the way from the right, and you turn over there. Why? I don't know why. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. Everyone does it that way? Yeah. What? Because that's how they do it over there. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. They don't ever turn. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my life. Everyone does it that way? Yeah. What? Because that's how they do it over there.

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. They don't ever turn left from the left lane? No, man. They turn left from the right lane? You're over here. You turn way over there. Can we find evidence of this online? That sounds ridiculous.

Google it. Everything I say here I know will be instantly Googled. But yeah, man, it's crazy. Me and Steve Byrne, we screamed like little girls at least 13 times on the ride home it is scary here's the thing didn't see one traffic accident not one over there and the bulk of the country drives on the right oh okay i think there's some confusion here well i don't know what the confusion is i did it i think think some of the country in China drives on the right, but some drives on the left.

So maybe that's where the issue is. Does that make sense? Half the people drive on the right side and half people don't. I'm telling you, man, they don't slow down, dude. They just go right in to the lane. What are we watching? Accidents? No, this is Chinese traffic traffic i don't want to see chinese traffic because you know someone's going to get run over there was uh some horrible shit that i saw online of uh videos oh shit boom oh fuck dude on a

motorcycle they nail people but see that's what they do. They just drive through. They don't give a shit. There's no rule. Yo, look at this. This is nuts. Oh, my God. This is nuts. You know what? I hate seeing stereotypes played out right before my fucking eyes. But where are the Chinese NASCAR drivers?

Oh, my God. He just nailed an old lady on her bike. Oh, my God. These people are fucking crazy. I'm telling you, man. You scream like a little girl when you drive. Yo, look at this video. This is crazy.

These people are in the rain with these shitty cars, and they're just driving through intersections. They don't give a fuck. I hate seeing this because I don't want to believe in stereotypes. Oh, Jesus. Oh, hit by a bike and the other guy runs over him and then keeps going. Yeah, they don't care, dude. There's a billion of them all over.

Oh, my God. Look at this guy trying to make it across. This is insane. This guy cannot do this. He must back up and rethink and get a helicopter. That's the only way he's getting across that lane. These people are fucking nuts, man. They don don't care i don't like watching this this is giving me mad anxiety can you imagine oh jesus christ this guy on a motorcycle oh oh he dodged one and then got nailed by another oh my god all day man The fact that those guys are stopped is amazing. It's just like they weave in.

Oh, Jesus, look at this. Oh, Jesus, look at this. Boom. Oh, my God. These people on bikes are insane. They're trying to cross the traffic. They just say, ready, go. Their streets must just be like egg drop soup everywhere, just braids.

And you know what they say? A lot of it has to do with the chinese culture and the way they interact with people they mind their own business they they don't look to the left and to the right they just keep keep straight and because of that basically they're socially this is explained to me by a chinese man that the the the way they're socially um sort of uh groomed to interact with people and walking because there's so many people you you bump into people all the time, that they've sort of taken this and then they drive with the same mentality. They go right through red lights, yeah.

It's the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do. When you're driving, you're supposed to look to the left, look to the light, check your rear view, look who's beside you, check this fucking crazy asshole. He might drive nutty. Let me back off and let him ahead. You know, that's what I was amazed about you

when we were in Sacramento, how much you follow the rules of the road. Really like when we were used to that yeah because well what did you think i would do well fucking pigs put my fake my own cop light on the roof no no no no not that at all but when like drinking throwing bottles when drunken red band was our GPS to where we went to go eat afterwards, and you did a U-turn, you were like, make a U-turn here. And you're like, I can't do that right here. I have to pull in over here. I would have been like, whoo, just U-turn it right there.

It's really simple. There's a little sign that says no U-turn. And when you see one of those, don't take a fucking U-turn. It's not that hard. Well, there's nobody coming. I would U-turn it in a heartbeat. There's no one coming, but there could be someone watching. That's watching that's what i'm saying yeah cops you don't want to give them an excuse to pull you over it says no u-turn how hard is it to take a left pull into a driveway

and turn an rv park pretty fucking easy yeah we went to an rv park when uh if they ever do ufcs in china you should do a show because there's tons of expats because it's like the wild west over there it's like you know where was this where in china in china there's's tons of expats because it's like the Wild West over there. It's like, you know, I've ever been in China. In China, there's a lot of expats. Yeah, man. I had the best time out there, man. You did a lot of stand up up there? Yeah.

Steve Byrne took me out. We did gigs all over the place. Man, Shanghai is the shit. Shanghai, really? Shanghai is the shit, dude. Who booked you out there? I don't know. Steve Byrne took care of it.

Hey, you want to come out? Okay, cool. Yeah, man. I'll do it. And it was a great time, dude. Who booked you out there? I don't know. Steve Byrne took care of it. And he'd be, hey, you want to come out? Oh, okay, cool. I'm like, yeah, man, I'll do it. And it was a great time, man. I saw an Anthony Bourdain special in Shanghai. It looked like he was having a good fucking time. Dude, they leave, if you're like an American, they leave you alone, man. I think it was Shanghai.

They'll leave you alone, dude. Really? Oh, yeah. You drink all night. And it's like the Old West where men are men, dude. It's like a great, you're like, whoa, this night And it's like the old west where men are men It's like a great What you're telling me is you can go to a massage parlor And get jerked off You can do anything you want over there

As an American man I had the best time How's the food? Food's phenomenal man If it dies, they'll eat it You go to a menu, they're like squirrel They're throwing anything on a grill Did you fuck around at all? Experiment with different kinds of stuff? eat it whoa that's how chinese you go to a menu they're like squirrel they got everything they're throwing anything on a grill did you fuck around at all experiment with different kinds of shit

did you eat a dog or anything no i you know what man i can't eat a dog and i don't want to eat like they put they do that thing from indiana jones where they put a monkey in the middle of the fucking table and they start whacking on his head and i'm like that never happened to me but i'm like dude i can't watch this i don't want to eat this thing and they watch it getting pounded what did they what did they hit with a hammer they hit the monkey's head like they didn't do it for me That never happened to me, but I'm like, dude, I can't watch this. I don't want to eat this thing. Watch it getting pounded on the head. What did they hit with a hammer? They hit the monkey's head. You really saw that?

They didn't do it for me, but someone told me they were over there in China, and they put them in the middle of the thing, locked them up. Wow. So his head's just there, and they go, clack, clack, clack, and they just clack on it. And then they eat the brains, right? Yeah. I can't do it, dude.

What the fuck is that, man? How is that a real way to eat? I just think it's just cruel. It's probably delicious, though. But you think it is because you would want How is that a real way to eat? I just think it's just cruel. It's probably delicious, though. But you think it is because... No. But you wouldn't want to whack on a poor monkey's head? You know how smart they are?

Well, you know what it is, I think? I think if you're trying to appease only the elite and give them some crazy thing that only they have access to, there's a certain satisfaction that some sick fucks get into being cruel and to having something that's so... It's such a delic that's so delicate. It's such a delicacy. So rare.

We have brought in a special macaw monkey, you know, this poor little fuck that's locked up in a little guillotine choke. Give me an egg roll to go. As soon as they put the monkey in the thing, I'm out. Is that real? Because I heard that the scene in Faces of Death was faked. That scene. Well, that's probably that part is fake, but they really do do that.

Do they really? Yeah. Okay. Let's look that up. Okay. Because that seems like something I should have known about. Welcome to Joe Rogan's Fact Checks. Fact Checks. Yeah, so what did it say?

You need to hear the sound of fact. Fact Check. Monkey hit with hammer. So far, Sam's record is 1-0. So monkey hit with a hammer in front of guests, maybe? In front of diners? In front of diners? In front of diners? YouTube that shit, man.

YouTube that shit. Let's see. Faces of death. The monkey diner scene is also unconvincing. Yeah. Okay. But does it actually happen? A lot of this is all about the...

Can you Google that? Does monkey eating monkey brains? Yeah, maybe another search. Let me try another does monkey eating monkey brains yeah maybe another search let me try another search uh eating monkey brains i couldn't do that dude that's another reason i just i want china okay yeah yeah yeah that's uh eating monkey brains in china is actually monkey brain is controversial food stuff often attributed to the Chinese. Okay. Wow, this is crazy, dude.

If you go to Google, they have images of like plates of monkey brains. Dude, I don't want to see that. Here it is. It's also found it's controversial food stuff often attributed to the Chinese, but also found in certain other countries. The practice of eating monkey brains has led to overhunting in Indonesia, especially due to the unfounded belief that eating monkey brains has led to overhunting in indonesia especially due to the unfounded belief that eating monkey brains can cure impotence it's always about curing impotence with these fucks where they're always eating like no china they're always eating like tiger claw and

all this nutty shit that doesn't do anything to try to cure impotence don't they know about viagra why do you have to have monkey brains when you have viagra you silly bitch that's disgusting and here's the thing when the when the beijing olympics happened they put out the government put out you can't serve dog because they knew like westerners would freak out and they were told they have to serve black people because the chinese they're not in the black people but yet they love kobe bryant and lebron james and all that shit but they had to put that out too. The Chinese don't care, man. Okay, here's the problem.

The eating of monkey brains from living monkeys as part of some restaurants' menus is one well-known example of urban legend. It's not true. Yeah, they don't actually eat monkeys like that in restaurants. I mean, maybe someone's tried it, but it's not a maybe not every restaurant i still get a point for that that's real shit well monkey brains eating monkey

brains is real shit thank you but apparently uh they just they cook them too it's like also it was a scene in indiana jones been a scene of a bunch of movies but uh i don't think according to this article at least it seems to think that it's an urban legend maybe i should check snopes snopes is good at that shit how about we just agree i'm right and we just well you definitely are right about the meat and monkey brains i just i want to know um whether or not they they actually hold the fucking monkey in that little box and beat his head and then scoop it out speaking of okay monkeys. Okay, here's the question. Speaking of monkeys.

Yeah, I found out that Bobby Lee's in a new TV show on NBC where he plays with the monkey from The Hangover, and I guess that the monkey's going to be a huge, it's going to be a new monkey show. Like every week it's going to be. PJ and the Bear? Yeah. Oh, so basically. It's supposedly really funny.

Because the monkey tested the highest they've ever tested on NBC. Any yeah. Any TV show ever on NBC. How much the monkey gets? Bobby Lee and a monkey. Can't wait. Yeah. What happens with that?

How do you rehearse that scene? Who acts like a monkey? Yeah, that's a how do you get the monkey to do what you want him to do? Yeah, that's either going to be the greatest thing ever or the worst thing ever. But I have a feeling it's going to be phenomenal. How do you get the monkey to do what you want him to do? That's either going to be the greatest thing ever or the worst thing ever, but I have a feeling it's going to be phenomenal. I think anything Bobby Lee is going to be funny. Yeah, that mustache is lethal.

He's hilarious. So is Todd Glass, man, on the burn. If you get to check out Todd Glass on the burn, he just fucking came in there and just destroyed. Well, he's a guy who's just fast and always had a great opinion. Anytime you watch him on stage, he's a guy who's just fast and always had a great opinion anytime you watch him on stage he's a guy that's very much in the moment he's not just it's not just complete scripted he's not afraid to lay in lay the wood to the crowd yeah would you ever get high and go scouting what's scouting like eagle scouting you were talking about the boy scouts earlier and

i was thinking how cool it would be just like once a month you and your friends get high and go scouting and go live in the woods just to make fun of the other scouts it would be like pretty funny no because we're too old for that and like at our age if we're in the scouts we're probably pedophiles okay so here's the deal um this is the deal a lot of people do eat monkey brains raw. And they shoot them. They have a special way of shooting the monkey out of the tree. What? Yeah, well, you shoot them to get them to jump first.

You shoot at them, and he jumps, and then you have to shoot them. Because you can't just shoot them when they're up in the tree, because they'll lock onto a branch, and then they'll rot up there. You can never get them down. It's really crazy. Apparently, they shoot them all the time. But the monkey brains are eaten raw and they do eat them like generally right after they kill them so that that is that is a real uh way they eat the monkey brains oh that's fucked up yeah yeah i don't want

that man that's like going to a hamburger restaurant and hey here's your sledgehammer and you gotta go like just drop the wood on some cow, man. I don't dig that at all. Yeah. Whoa. Okay. Well, here's another thing, though. A guy is giving a depiction in another article of a monkey's head being supported in a bracket,

two pieces of wood with a semicircular hole on each side so that when you put them together, they form a complete circle around the animal's neck, Oh, God. Wow. It's just unnecessary. A teaspoon is used to scoop up the brains, which is immediately eaten. This has to be done before the monkey dies. Oh, God. Wow. Just unnecessary. They're people. Wow. So this is, not only were you correct that that has happened, that this has been going on for a long time.

This was written in 1948 or 1949. He's an eyewitness, and he didn't say whether or not he'd partaken in the brains himself. Look behind you. No, don't, don't, dude. I don't want to see that. Is that legit? Come on, dude. I don't want to see that, man.

Whoa, this is fucking crazy. I don't want to see that, dude. Keep it on. Keep it on. Keep it on. This is just a documentary talking about the Faces of Death documentary. So is it real? Are they saying that this is real?

Following a few simple instructions, the men of the table were prepared for the kill. You don't have to watch it. We don't have to watch it. You can watch it if you want. Yeah, we don't need... Some people don't want

to see that shit. You know, what is that? Is that just desperado? They just need food so bad? It just seems like when you go that deep where you're being cruel to a monkey like that, you want to scoop out his brains while he's still alive. Yeah, and you know how smart they are. I just, I don't know, ever since I got a dog, I'm really sensitive about animals.

What about monkeys that are assholes? Yeah, they love them. A lot of monkeys are assholes. They killed a mayor in India. Monkeys assaulted and killed a mayor. Yeah, but do you think the mayor was just hanging out and the monkeys just walked up and just mean-mugged him? Or do you think he's fucking with the monkeys?

Why would he do that? I think monkeys steal things from you. They steal food from you and shiny things and you have to give them food to get the shiny things back sometimes. And they steal things from you uh they steal food from you and shiny things and you have to give them food to get the shiny things back sometimes and they steal things that they think that you will find valuable like they'll steal your cell phone you have to give them food to get it back and if you just try to take the cell phone they'll fucking attack you that sounds like survival i mean like there's a bit of survival there i just i don't know man when i see people fucking with animals i just i i root for the animal i don't know why well they don't know, man. When I see people fucking with animals, I just, I root for the animal. I don't know why.

Well, they don't have any concept of personal, like, property. Like, they don't get that. They don't own things. Yeah. So when you have something shiny, their little brain knows that if they just jack your shiny shit, then you have to give them food in order to get that shiny shit back. That's how their culture works. Can you bribe monkeys?

Yes, you can bribe them. Yeah, you can get your shit back. That's how their culture works. Can you bribe monkeys? Yes, you can bribe them. Yeah, you can get your shit back. There's actually a small town or village that there's a monkey that would try to rape a bunch of women. Here's the article on the Telegraph. Imagine if they all just lied. The poor monkey just looks like a rapist monkey. Monkey tried to take it. Look at his face.

He looks all rapey. That definitely is a rapey monkey. That's a rapey looking little monkey. Look at his face He looks all rapey That definitely is a rapey monkey That's a rapey looking little monkey Look at his mean face He just looks like he doesn't give a fuck about anything That monkey will take your manhood Oh he'll fuck you I would not want to go to jail and share a cell with that monkey

Can you imagine how long you think you can fight off a monkey I was at the zoo the other day And the dude who was We got on a little train tour And the dude who gave us the train tour said that uh these little monkeys that they had were only 25 pounds but they had twice the strength of a grown man is that real how the fuck does a monkey that's 25 pounds have twice imagine a retarded monkey it's got it's got superman strength. It's like 75%.

It's so rude. Do they have Down syndrome, monkeys? Well, I was thinking about that. You never see that in any other animal, do you? No. No, you don't. Yeah. Well, some monkeys look like the Johnny Carson eyes where they're closer together.

So I think so. I think some of those monkeys might be. No, I don't think so. I don't think they live. I don't think. I don't know. I'm guessing. But I don't think so i don't think they live i don't think uh i don't know i'm guessing but i don't think that they i don't think they live yeah monkeys are like asians they put a stop to that shit quick this guy's saying that i've seen a 25 pound monkey overpower a 50 pound man a 50 pound man was a 12 year old sorry 150 pound man sorry Yeah. This was a guy who is an anthropologist.

But that guy could have been a pussy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever see that one video where they show that women can beat up guys and they had a girl box? But it was like the most feminine Asian man they could possibly find. What was this one? They had a boxing match between a woman and a man. Battle of the sexes.

And the guy they got was the most feminine Asian man I've ever seen in my life. And he's got his ass straight up whooped. Okay, so they set it up. Well, yeah, you put Ronda Rousey in with some dude who doesn't know how to fight. She'll fuck you up with the quickness.

I love her, dude. She's so hot. She's really hot. She's cool as fuck, too. She's so hot. She's really hot. She's hot as fuck. She's cool as fuck, too. She can hang, man. She can hang with anybody. And she trains hard.

I was talking to some dudes today that got armbarred by her at Go-Kart's place. The only reason I couldn't date a girl like that skilled in MMA is because I've literally been swung on by every girl I've ever dated. Every girl you've ever dated? Yeah, pretty much at some point they swing on me. Every girl swing? Wow. What? Every girl swing? A lot of them.

No, I've never hit a girl in my life. Oh, that's not what we're saying. Yeah, but why would all these people want to swing? Because sometimes they get emotional with me. Why?

What are you doing? Sam, what are you doing to these girls? Sometimes I gotta play a bad guy and I gotta cut off the dick for a little while. Is that what it is?

Sometimes. You cut off the dick and that's while. Is that what it is? Sometimes. You cut off the dick and that's what makes them swing? Yeah. What kind of magic dick are you swinging? It's not a big dick, but it's a fucking nasty dick. What kind of candy dick? What kind of delicious candy dick does Sam Tripoli have? I got cuckoo dick.

I got stalker dick. I'm not hung, but for some reason, they go stalker crazy. Really? Yeah. Wow. That's interesting. Do you just know how to fuck is that what it is i take a lot of pride in that you take a lot of pride in your work yeah well you know what i've

seen what you do on stage and if you could rock it like that in the bedroom i would imagine the chick would be pretty blown away by your performance i gotta find a girl with a small set vagina and then we're good to go you know small yeah i'm not hung at all okay you just need a small vagina that you could really tear up yeah i mean i could get a big get a big one and just, you know, I got to work a little harder. How do you gauge whether or not a girl has a small vagina or not? I put it in, and if I'm banging the sides, it's a little bigger. And then there used to be this chick in Canada way back in the day. I used to bang.

I mean, I've never felt something that tight before in my life. Really? And I'm not hung hung and i'm like oh my god i'm fighting to get it in was she muscular no was it her asshole no was it her taint you just broke a hole through her taint you didn't even fuck her you just stabbed her um yeah i dated a girl who was not a small girl she She was a big girl, man. I mean, she was like stout. She was like, I think she was mostly Ukrainian. She was really strong.

Like, she was stronger. Her pussy was like a vice. Yep. Like a vice. I was like, wow. Like, I've dated girls that were like way smaller than her physically with like bigger vaginas. I have a theory. It's weird.

smaller than her physically with like bigger vaginas i have a theory that like it it's not completely sound but like the taller bigger girls have the tighter vaginas the smaller smaller girls have the i don't think so because i've met tall girls who have giant pussies too what's weird is my first my first girlfriend ever i could fist and i was talking to this about the other day like i remember the whole fist i would like kind of squeeze my hand, and I'd get it in there, and then it was just like, go town, and I would fist her. Wait a minute, that's a meme right there. I would squeeze my fingers, and I would get my whole hand in there, and then it was just like, go town.

But I have not been able to do that since. That's good. You've got a big hand, dude. You don't have little hands. No, that's what I'm saying. Did I just have small hands as a child now? Now I'm trying to think. What if I had really small hands and everyone made fun of me?

I didn't know about it. How old were you? 15. 15. A buddy of mine, and I hate telling his story, but it's so good for right here. He always tells me about all these crazy Craigslist shit he does and Backpage. And he goes, yeah. I went to hook up with this chick and she goes she made me fist her while she watched gay porn whoa yeah and i go fist

her ass or her pussy her pussy and i go and then did you have to pay her because you're doing all the work on that and what did he get out of it? I don't know what he got. He gets off on banging hookers. It's his thing. She's a hooker? I mean, like, it's a back page is really hookerish. Okay, so he's getting this girl in this really hookerish manner. And it's his story. I want to give him credit.

I just don't know if he wants his name. Yeah, don't say his name, just in case. So he's fisting them and paying them yeah i'm like why are you paying them they should pay you i've heard of dudes that i've heard of uh gay dudes who pay guys to suck their dicks pay like straight guys and suck their dicks like that apparently is pretty common i don't know can you be it's better than giving plasma i bet bet. You know, like when you get blood for money. Drug? Blood? Yeah.

By the way, we're going to get that Peter Duesberg guy on the podcast. And people have told me that it's an irresponsible thing to do, that he's the professor from the University of California, Berkeley, and he's a biology professor. Rock-solid credentials this guy has. biology professor, rock solid credentials this guy has, and he apparently claims that HIV is a weak virus and it is not what is responsible for AIDS. He claims that AIDS is, what it is,

is when people have a crushed immune system, most likely, especially in the gay community, it has to do with partying. It has to do with taking email nitrate and a bunch of different like really heavy drugs that are crystal meth that are devastating to your immune system. Hold on. And he says that when these people show their immune system is crushed and then they show that they have HIV in their system, the reason is that their immune system is too weak to fight off the HIV. It's not that HIV has brought them to that point.

He said it's a variety of different ailments that a lot of it is caused by hardcore partying. What's the blood transfusion? I don't know. Why is he saying that's careless? Well, first of all, he's a very prominent scientist. I mean, he's a very well-respected guy. Again, he has tenure at the University of California, Berkeley. Is Berkeley with a B?

Berkeley? What do you mean? Spelt with an E? Spelt with a silent K at the beginning? That's funny, yeah. Yeah, well, he's a super, super controversial guy. Why do they say it's reckless, though? Well, because people say he's full of shit and that AIDS does...

You know, I talked about this with Fitzsimmons. We had this discussion, and one of the things that I said was that it's really terrifying when you're too fucking dumb to know who's stupid. You know, like, is he stupid? Or are the other people that are claiming that HIV does cause AIDS, There's no way he's stupid. Maybe his interpretation of it is different. I mean, it's really crazy.

I don't know who's right. but I'm going to bring him on, and then, of course, there will be some people that disagree with him, so I'm going to want to hear from them too. Just holler at me on Twitter, and we'll figure out how to address this. All I can do when it comes to this sort of incredibly controversial subject that I really am not qualified medically to understand. I mean, I don't understand the idea behind retroviruses and HIV. I don't understand it.

I don't understand the argument either way. So we'll be forced to try to spell this out, Mr. Duesberg's argument, as cleanly as possible. But, of course, there's a lot of really controversial aspects to it. One of the big ones being how the fuck is it possible that something can get to be this sort of mainstream accepted belief that HIV causes AIDS when he says it's BS? What is his argument? And then, of course, we'll get someone else on afterwards that's a counter argument. People believe whatever is initially told to them, and then they just run with it.

That's what politicians have been doing forever. They just put something out, and then they just – it's all misinformation. I don't know about that. I mean, I know there's a lot of scientists who work on AIDS cures and HIV cures. So I need to, of course, speak to someone like that as well as Mr. Duesberg. And then ultimately the fucking most awesome thing would be to have the two of them together and give them a forum after a Duesberg podcast and then someone who refutes his information, then have the two of them get together and maybe we can make some sense.

And fight in the octagon. Thumb wrestle, play poker. I don't know. I think that would be pretty fucking interesting. I would like to know. I mean, if Duesberg is right, that's a crazy thing. I mean, if you think about all the nutty things that we've already discovered about how fucking goofy our culture is, if we found out that that's the case, too.

But again, I'm not giving out any health advice, folks, especially when it comes to diseases. I'm a fucking stand-up comedian slash cage-fighting commentator. I'm the last person you should be listening to when it comes to information about aids so all the people that are worried about like distributing this like this guy is a murderer what he's his disinformation let the guy talk he's a he's way fucking smarter and more educated on this subject than most of the people that are questioning him so it's uh i well i reread uh behold the pale horse uh that one book that just right and he was talking about So it's, uh, I re-read, uh, Behold the Pale Horse. Uh, that one book that just, and he was talking about AIDS and how like it's, it's government made and that guy's, that guy, William Cooper, that's his name.

Yeah. Him and your boy, uh, who's the other conspiracy theorist? Wow. Jones. Yeah. They supposedly had a big like, yeah. Well, you know, conspiracy theorists all hate the other conspiracy theorists. They're like Latino comics.

They're like Latino comics. Fuck you looking at Tripoli. Somebody just put out a picture of a meme of a monkey and said, fuck you looking at Tripoli. Yeah, I know. Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, a lot of those conspiracy guys, they complain that the other guys are idiots and that they're all spewing out disinformation and they always claim

that the other guy's a government agent, you know. They all think that everybody's a government agent. It's really interesting. But that guy, William Cooper, said a lot of nutty shit. I remember reading

Behold a Pale Horse. Is that what it's called? Yep. And I remember reading it going, this guy is either crazy or he's doing, this is like some disinformation. Well, yeah, that was a whole theory on that too. But big on aliens, that they're already here, big, already part of everything. Yeah, see, I hear that and I go, come on, man, you got to give me some evidence.

You can't just say the aliens are here. You know, you just, there was too much much there's bases on the moon aliens are on the and they'd show you know they've already traveled to far galaxies and all that stuff have you seen those uh arguments the images about bases oh yeah yeah yeah see this is the glass tower like what are you seeing that i'm not seeing it's fine what you find what you're looking for yeah there's if you google structures on the moon you will lose all faith in human race. Look, Google structures on the moon and these images that people are trying to say are like buildings and shit. And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, well, that was his theory that there's already a huge moon base. And at one point, the Russians the americans worked together on it and that the russians tried to take all the americans hostages and they had to send in some like navy seal motherfuckers and killed off 66 people yeah there's people that think that the moon is actually an alien base and that it's a spaceship and uh they point to the fact that we dropped a satellite on the moon once and it rang for like a day like it like it rang like it was hollow so there's some nutty motherfuckers i've been contacted from people that believe that the earth is hollow have you ever been contacted by those people no is that where the lizards live um i don't think so i think they

think that there's a whole sky in there i'm not sure i think there's more than one group of people when it comes to the hollow earth thing but uh that there it was like the matrix that there's a whole civilization underground oh yeah yeah there's a whole world going on there inside the earth you just gotta go there's a whole you find they're always raving you go in there and there's like stars and shit i guess they just have like, like a little kid has those glow-in-the-dark stickers on the ceiling. They have stars somehow. I don't know.

I don't know what the fuck they're claiming, but it's pretty hilarious at this point in time. How many times do we have to see volcanoes and go, oh, that's inside of it. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Where does that come from? It's like looking at a Krispy Kreme donut

and thinking there's diamonds in there. There's cream in there, stupid. See it coming out the top? Yeah, that's what's in the whole fucking donut. Backed up chimneys? What's going on down there? More proof that this whole world is not real, Joe. Check this out.

The Guardian, U.S. data whistleblower. It's a violation of everyone's constitutional rights. And it's the formal National Security Agency officer. It was saying how the U.S. is illegally collecting huge amounts of data on its fellow citizens, right? Right. And the first sentence, sitting in the surroundings of an olive garden. Oh, that's hilarious. What the fuck?

It's an olive garden, too. Is he talking about the restaurant? The innocuous surroundings of an olive garden in the Baltimore suburbs. He's talking about the restaurant. He ate at the restaurant. Yeah. He ate at an olive garden in the Baltimore suburbs. He's talking about the restaurant. He ate at the restaurant. Yeah. He ate at Olive Garden. Yeah.

That's the guy that we had when we had David Seaman on the podcast. Yeah. Remember that? Congressional candidate? Yeah. Benny is the NSA whistleblower. He's the mathematician. I know.

And he eats at Olive Garden. I know. You know how crazy you are with this shit you fuck? You know how crazy you are? I was watching an Olive Garden commercial, and all I could think of was you. You silly bitch. You can get free breadsticks. I'm like, fucking Brian? I was watching an Olive Garden commercial, and all I could think of was you. You silly bitch. You can get free breadsticks. I'm like, fucking Brian.

I'm watching a legitimate Olive Garden commercial. They're commercials. Oh, yeah. He's made Olive Garden a cool thing to do. People who are fans of the podcast sometimes will go to Olive Garden just out of support. Where do you want to eat? Well, Red Band likes Olive Garden. Let's go eat there.

By the way, I'm wearing a Death Squad t-shirt. One of the new super sexy ones with my favorite cat. And you can get these. Go to DeathSquad.TV and buy them. And whenever you do something like that, it supports Brian's podcast network. Brian might put the black cock bomb on the website. Sam Tripoli is a part of, which I was

going to say, the Naughty Show, which is Sam's podcast. What are we doing tonight? You guys doing tonight? Who's on tonight? Gareth Reynolds. The funniest fucker and yeah good friend of mine had a show has a show coming out on mtv he went to new york to shoot it so he just got back so we're gonna have him back on maybe dave anthony is gonna come on we're gonna kind of show is it uh it's uh what's how do you prank show i know it's a uh it's called isn't it called something like laugh fail or something it's called fail or something like that it's like a prank show. No, it's a... Isn't it called something like Laugh... Fail?

It's called Fail or something like that. It's like some weird kind of like... It's some internet thing. I don't even know. He'll describe it. Just fails, like fuck-ups. Yeah, internet fails. I mean, think about how many traffic accidents.

Doug Benson had a great idea that I need to really get on about me doing commentary over internet fights. Yeah, I always wanted to do that, dude. Just pick up the fucking, find these hilarious videos of black chicks swinging on each other are some of the best videos you'll ever watch in your life. Yeah, and me doing it would be, I would like to do that. I think that would be a perfect thing for me because obviously the UFC commentary backgroundfc commentary background and stand up and and watching those things there's some funny fucking video and there's so many you never run out of them do you ever see the ones where the guys fight at like

the wendy's at night and it's the most hilarious video you'll ever see bad one recently man i saw dude head kick a meter made oh and uh i think was in England. Dude, pull it up. Pull it up because it's really ugly. The show's called Epic Fail. No, no, no. Don't pull that up. No, no, no. But I'm just saying what my buddy's show.

Settle the fuck down. Who's running this shit? This ain't the naughty show, motherfucker. Come on, Sam. What the hell? Fuck, Sam. Jesus Christ. Get your shit together, bitch.

I'm trying to see a dude get kicked in the head in your promo and your bullshit. What is it? Kick in the head? Man kicks meter made in the head, I think it is. Dude, just, and the sad thing is the dude was skilled. Like, it was a real roundhouse kick. He roundhouse kicked this guy in the fucking head, and the guy just went straight out.

Okay, I got to know who's, I mean, like, the guy could have been an asshole. The meter main. No, no, no, You have to see it. You have to see it. You say that. That's crazy. If you look at it, like, there's no way the guy did anything that warranted head kicks.

Maybe he fucked his mom. Whoa. That's always a good point. Even then, I think you should say. That is always a possibility. All right, it's dad. I'm sorry. I don't find it on YouTube. I looked for man karate kicks meter made well i got something better do

you ever see the one where the this crazy guy's in the park just swinging on chicks and guys and everyone's flipping out and they're like what the fuck's and the guy just walks and all of a sudden hold on hold on here it is horrific. Look up, go man kicks parking officer. And the second one down. Horrific moment. Traffic warden is karate kicked. Found it. So what were you saying, Sam?

There's this one where this guy just is like this crazy drug. He's just swinging on people in the park. And then you see him walk away. And out of nowhere, this dude just like this. He happens to be like some professional boxer. Just go boom and just knocks him the fuck out after he's been terrorizing everybody in the park. Oh, really? Oh, that's hilarious.

Horrific moment. Traffic warden is karate kicked. Oh, you got to see the video of this guy. He's in Turkey, and he fights the whole village, dude. I've seen that, yeah. We played that on the podcast before a couple times. I think when Bill Burr was on it, we did it. That's a great fight.

Yeah, it was ridiculous. The guy kept cracking dudes. They kept running after him. You got it, Brian? Yeah. Can I push it on? The sad thing is, watch what happens. The guy is writing this shit.

They come out and they ask him, like, hey man, why are you writing these guys right here? The two guys with the white shirt. They're like, hey, what are you doing, man? And so he spit on them. And so he said something to them. And they gave him really douchey with him. Now watch this guy.

This is fucked up, man. Watch this Boom look at that watch this kick dude boom Yeah, what's with the sound effects? Is that you? Fucking spastic. He's getting good at that. That guy got hurt man. You don't even care you're putting cartoon noises Yeah, that's straight. That's what jail's meant for. People are going to be violent like that right in the middle of nowhere.

Bam. Yeah, that's a douchebag. That guy just teed off on that guy. And he kicks hard. That guy was like a, you could tell that was like real technique. He turned his hip. Yeah, that wasn't a guy who's never kicked somebody before. He knocked that guy out, and that guy went, his head went off the concrete, and that's fucking, that guy could be dead.

And he'll probably be fucked up for a long time from that. Yeah, that sucks, man. That shit takes a long time to recover from. If you survive at all, your head bouncing off the fucking concrete like that. Did you ever see the one where the guy pulls a prank, he jumps out of the trash, and the black guy just turns around? Yes. You ever see this? Yeah, I love it.

You ever see this one? I always thought this one was the most fucked up one. This is an old classic where the guy kicks it down the stairs. Oh, yeah, this is a horrible one. What the fuck? Yeah, horrible. I don't know what that was about. How about the Russians fighting at the pool?

Yeah, that guy got fucked up who knows what that was about do you ever see the ones where all the russians there for some reason in russia there's a public pool with dolphins in it and the dolphins are swimming around and you just see these crazy russians just starting to get in a fight outside right at the pool well have you ever seen russian like gang fights where they're like there's these like groups of kids like meet in this field and beat the fucking shit out of each other and they literally go in skins and shirts it's like you know they're just swarming into this town oh here it is what is it oh yeah i've seen this yeah it turns into a crazy fist fight and a dolphin pool why would anyone want to fight a dolphin pool yeah? Yeah, here it goes. And we're off.

That's scary shit, too, when you're in a fucking fight in the pool. And Russians don't fuck around, bro. Yeah. Oh, look at that guy. Just kicked him in the face. Come over here, dude. Come over here. Swim over here. Oh, boom. Come over here. Swim over here.

Oh, boom. Throw him in. This guy's just climbing up, and as he gets out. And the guy talks more shit. You just got knocked into the dolphin pool. Yeah, they like to fight in Russia, man. By the way, the girl at the beginning of this video is smoking hot. A lot of hot Russian broads, right?

Yeah. I'm full of them. Oh, it's going off, son. Back in the water again. That guy got thrown in the water twice. I like how the cameraman's laughing. Oh, this is ridiculous. That's every YouTube video. All they do is laugh. This dude's gonna get punted again. He's just getting out. Donk, donk.

There's a knee to the face, son. Oh, left hook. Right hand. Oh, powerful right hand. Guy's down in the water again. Don't get tossed in again. Sprawl, son! You gotta sprawl! Oh wow, look at that, he's shooting a double! He's got a bad double, it's like he's trying to suck his dick. The guy even looked at him, he's trying to suck my dick!

Look at the guy sitting down. Oh, broads are getting involved. Oh shit! The girl goes down. Wow, that girl screamed. Wow. That's like an alarm. Oh, dude got kicked from a seating position. This is ridiculous. Another girl.

What's up with the girls? Get the girls out of here. Yeah, they're trying to get their flip-flops. They're like, oh, in the water again, son. That's three in a row. This is ridiculous. You gotta get that rear naked choke, son. You got the armor on the neck.

Finish the choke. Who's this guy in the yellow shirt? He doesn't seem like he fits here. Yeah, that guy's just hanging out. He's like, hey, anybody got a cigarette? You guys need to stop. He's like, I don't even know these guys. This is the first time I hung out with them. Yeah, you could lose all faith in humanity if you stay on YouTube or LiveLeak long enough.

Where's the police? Come on now. They're in Russia. Oh. Yeah. Oh, there's Bert Kreischer. Yeah, Bertreischer's hammered in the background looking for his wallet oh these guys just this is some i wonder what this

is all about i know if there's any russians that can tell us that dude you just stay in the water he keeps getting knocked in the water dude it's safe in the water well it's safe in the water if you don't get knocked the fuck out and then knocked in the water because guess what no one's Gonna rest. Oh now this guy's gonna throw the other down. You're gonna drown man. Oh Oh, that was like Chael son throwing the elbow just totally missing For the audio listeners just a bunch of work. What is the video his name? What is the name of the video so people can watch it? It's Russian dolphin fighting Russians brawl near a dolphin pool. And it's four minutes and 29 seconds of just love. What a silly fucking world.

Oh, shit. Now it's going crazier. More? Oh, Jesus. It's so funny how it's like white shirts versus black shirts. Yeah. And no shirts, too. I guess they know who's who.

But they keep trying to make up and then fight again. Who's this guy? The dude who keeps getting... That's Chris Titus. What is he doing there? Can you go back to the beginning of the video and just see how hot the chick is? No. Enough.

Enough. We don't need to say anything. Enough. That's uncalled for. Come on, Sam. Let's go back and look at the pretty girl. She's smoking. That's amazing to these iTunes listeners.

True, true, true. Being silly. There's a billion pretty girls online. You need to see this blurry vision. She's smoking. You can't even tell if she's smoking. You can barely see their faces. No, you can see it in this one.

What the fuck up? What the fuck are you looking at, Tripoli? You want us to show it? September 26th. You want us to show it and then we'll decide? Let's look at it again. And I bet you can't tell at all. I bet you can barely see this bitch. How much you want back? $5. You want us to show it? You want us to show it and then we'll decide? Let's look at it again. And I bet you can't tell at all.

I bet you can barely see this bitch. How much do you want bet? $5. Okay, go to the beginning of the video. $5. I bet it's blurry as fuck. I bet it's blurry as fuck. $5 riding on this shit. Winner, winner.

Chicken dinner. I'm very excited about Toronto this weekend, Sam Tripoli. I am too. We get in Thursday night and there's allegedly a place where you can allegedly smoke marijuana while you allegedly have a comedy show at the same time. I need to find out what the laws are.

I've allegedly done stand-up at that allegedly place. No, no, no, no. Nonsense. Craziness. You've never been there. Ari Shaffir might be joining us. It's all depending on whether or not he's contractually obligated to say he can't.

Oh, that's right. Well, Just for Laughs is also promoting my show up there as well. It's all taking place during the comedy festival. So we're doing Massey Hall on Friday, which is super-duper fucking awesome. Did you do Massey Hall with me last time? Oh, that's so sick. Yeah, it was a great time, dude. It was phenomenal.

Is Doug Benson going to be there? I don't think he's in Canada that week, but he is going to be at the Ice House Wednesday night. That's Doug Benson, Dom Irera, Greg Fitzsimmons, Duncan Trestle, Brian Redband, and me. Can I promote one? And Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz, too.

Promote the shit out of it, Sam Tripoli. September 26th, the Naughty Show presents the 2012 Searchlight model finale by fleshlight what's a searchlight for now a model what yeah what are you like the american idol of uh sex toys so you uh a bunch of girls dance around and then they decide which one gets a fleshlight no they've been having like voting's been going on for like a month do they have to see their pussy do they have to show that because you should really know like what if it's a tranny what if a tranny wins yeah well they're big name girls it's uh alexis texas kate and cross

and this girl with the great name affixia noir is her name alexis texas is one of those girls who could never make it on a sitcom never make it it in the movie version of what super skinny girls, that people think is hot. But dudes look at that girl's ass and go, God damn! People go crazy for that. Yeah, a lot of girls would be like, Oh, she's too big.

Go fuck out of here. That's not what dudes think. They look at that big, giant, juicy ass and go, Holy fuck! I wonder if she's insured it. What people like and what the media's image of what is hot is a little off. I tell girls all the time, stop letting television and magazines tell you what's sexy. Guys don't like that.

Guys like meat on the bone. Yeah, there's something about a girl who's really, really lean and skinny and six-packy. There's something a little weird about that. Cheaty. The girl's got like 10 pounds more on her than she needs. The androgyny is what I can't. These supermodels, they're not even hot anymore. Well, that's all design.

The idea of supermodels, the reason why they're really tall and thin is so clothes look good on them. So clothes sort of lay on them, and you got a chance to really see the clothes. Whereas like you put like some – Yeah, but you go way back in the day. You put some clothes on a girl with big giant tits and a big ass, and all you're seeing is that big giant tits and the big ass. Right. But Cindy Crawford was hot back in the day, and she was a supermodel.

Now they're all just so – they look like heroin addicts. I don't pay attention. I'm not looking at Model Magazine, Sam. What the fuck are you doing? This is some major piece of concern in your life. I just can't win. He's always in style, Sam. I can't win.

Sam, I'm trying to drag you up to the 21st century. I'm trying to make you a part of today. Russian chicks in dolphin fighting videos. Trying to make you a part of today, Sam. I am a part of today. Bringing you up to the now. I'm writing a lot, working hard, never stopping. Listen, man, it's important that we all give each other shit about that.

No, I know. You've got to be inspired. You used to want to do shitty new shit in a big show like yours. Well, it's only shitty new shit if you decide that you're writing shitty stuff. Brian opened up with a fucking, well not opened up, but he did a whole new bit in front of 1,200 people in a sold out show and it killed. That was my first time

doing it. First time doing that bit. Do you know why? Because he's got balls. Don't even say that to me. My whole thing is balls. I'll set the place on fire. You say that, but yet you feel like your new stuff is just like never said that that's not what i said don't want to don't want i write in volume dude i write

in volume i'm always throwing stuff against the wall and sometimes i only find it funny so if you write 10 new bits i'm happy if three or four of them are are good crush. Me too. Me too. So I don't want to try the other six in a show like a theater show. Right. If we're doing here at the Ice House, I'll throw garbage and just see what works. So what you're saying is you just, when you get to like a theater show, there's no fucking around. You just get to business, bang it out as much as possible. I think for you you maybe you could work it but for me i think they're they're there to have a show i'm there to get them going set them

up i mean you could just walk out and crush but i feel like my job is to get them really rocking so when you come up it's a super crush oh he's involving me in his fucking decision. That's why I do what I do. That's the whole point of a feature. Not at all. That's all I'm saying. I vote, like, Ari and I had this conversation once, and, you know, he was like, you know, what should I do? Should I go up and do my best stuff? I said, who cares a fuck? Do whatever you want to do. Like, this is your time.

When you're up there for 20 minutes, for half an hour, I mean, I wouldn't want you to flatline, but you don't want to flatline. It's not like you flatline on purpose. Right. You know, and there's nothing wrong with, like, taking chances. I wouldn't want you to flatline, but you don't want to flatline. It's not like you flatline on purpose. And there's nothing wrong with taking chances. I don't know. I just find it like, I don't know, when people are paying that kind of money, that they want to show. They do want to show, but that's part of a live show.

Sometimes shit goes wrong. There's nothing wrong with that. You can get out of it. You're a fucking pro. You've been doing comedy for almost two decades. You can pull yourself out of any downward spiral. Right, right, right. You know, it's not like you can't like open up and fuck around but with aureo it's like you can't get fired so just go fuck around right it doesn't matter it's like you're

gonna have a good set no i totally understand that and that's the i think that's the sort of mindset that you have to have to do like wild stand-up right you know when when you play it safe the problem with playing it safe is you have that mentality of playing it safe. I've never played it safe. That's kind of why I am who I am. That is who you are.

Who you are? What are you, Jesse James, motherfucker? Yeah, I totally... Are you a gangster? Are you a bank robber, Sam? Setting shit on fucking fire. That's who I am,

what I am. That's who I am. That's what I do. I do it. Slash, what was the girl? I don't know. Maybe I just think

theater shows, I meant to bring the heat. Bring the wood. Of course you do. Everybody should bring the heat. What was that girl? Not Jewel. Edie Brickell.

Yeah. You're either Edie Brickell or Popeye. Yeah. I'm bringing the wood. That's who I am. I'm the guy who brings the wood. You're bringing the wood. Yeah.

What does that even mean? That's a bat. Bringing the bat. I'm bringing the wood. Oh, you're bringing the bat. It's a baseball term. Yeah. I understand. I bat. I'm bringing the wolf. Oh, you're bringing the bat. It's a baseball term. Yeah. I understand.

I'm going to name my new album now. You guys are both very funny in Sacramento. It was fucking awesome. It was a great show, man. Yeah, those crowds are amazingly awesome. They're like the nicest fucking people in the history of the world. It's the weirdest thing, and we keep harping on it and saying how much we appreciate it, but just because we're all blown away by it.

I've never had nicer crowds. Did we talk about the woman who got mad at you about bees yet? Have we talked about that? Oh, Jesus. I got a picture of her. Some crazy vegan lady got mad because I was making fun of bees. No, but I don't even think she was vegan. Fuck yes, she was.

You said she was. Was she vegan or was she one of those people who got mad on other people's behalves? No, I was talking about the whole thing about Being one of the things that's most silly about Vegans is the ones who won't eat honey Because they don't want bees to be enslaved So I go I have this giant

Fucking bit about bees it includes like Real facts about bees it's Hilarious can't wait to do it again Can't wait to do it Wednesday night at the ice house or Friday Night in Massey Hall in Toronto But anyway this lady was like All veganed out and she got fucking really bummed out at my lack of respect of bees. She walked out. She was shit-faced too.

People will tell you, you know, bees really are important, man. Yeah, I know. Guess what? I have no bearing on whether or not bees live or die. Okay? I'm just doing comedy, you fuckhead. Well, just to get mad at that is like does this lady get mad every time she watches a movie and someone gets shot and killed like

dude does she really think that person got shot and killed or the director really wants that person to get shot and killed it's like why is it with comedy they take it so literally it's not they it's just a few dummies and well they have 1200 people in a room you're gonna just a few dummies. And if you have 1,200 people in a room, you're going to get a few dummies. She also said she was mad at you for liking Sarah Palin, though. So I was like, wait, I think maybe you are drunk. Could be that. Her sister was hot. And I don't say that I like Sarah Palin.

I say Sarah Palin is just a misinformed dummy. She's probably a nice person. She's probably not a bad person. There's really not that much bad on her. Her ideas are stupid. But there's a lot of people with stupid ideas

and you could probably drink with them and have a good time and they're fine. You know? That's all I said. Silly bitch. That's the clock.

Meow's five. She probably was just super attracted to you and just gets so angry. Well, she was probably attracted to you and she knew she couldn't get you so she decided to turn it

on me. That happens a lot. I wish I could get that hairy Middle Eastern looking motherfucker with the slight chub. She was talking to me in red band before she summed off not knowing that we were in the show. And she saw us.

Oh, she was that drunk. Well, why didn't you just close the deal right there in the hallway? Oh, remember I tried to kiss her? Yeah, you did. Right? You have the worst karma ever if it comes to, like, girls being— I was seeing how far I could go with it. Girls being vulnerable and fucked up.

I love that, though. Let me kiss you. Just put it out there. Well, if you say it to a girl like that, she might just stab you. You don't know what the fuck is going on in that girl's head. You're playing with a wild animal. But that's what he's attracted to. Are you attracted to, like, crazy bitches?

What? Did you just ask that? How long have you known Red Band? I'm trying to get him to talk. What the fuck is wrong with you, cock blocker? Jesus Christ. Here's that girl, by the way. You ruined the whole thing.

Here's that girl. It's sideways. Oh. Is her face melting? What's going on with that? When you eat a lot of carrots, sometimes your face can just fall off. Crazy, silly bitch. There's a lot of them out there.

She's probably going to sue you now, though. Huh? No, she doesn't have a Twitter. She doesn't have a Twitter, but she's going to hear about this, man. She had friends at the show. I'm sure they got mad when she ran out. No, she works out in like a UFC gym, right? Yeah.

Didn't she say that? Yeah. Well, she needs bees. She's really bummed out. She's about to get fucking some shit from everybody. Fucking bees. Now, her sister was hot who had just fat tats all over her tits. She had fat tats?

Yeah, just a big fat tat over big fat tits what was the tattoo of it was it's always a heart with some kind of angel wings with some kind of like uh uh i don't know shrubbery yeah shrubbery it looks like ed hardy's pubic hair yeah yeah there is always like some leaves and shit right what's with the leaves there's always like some kind of thorns or something like my heart will fly but it's in a cage run that's just saying run fucking run did you what do you what do you know about this julian assange case do you know about this at all is that guy the founder yeah that he put out a bunch of uh classified documents right and they're trying to they're trying to send him to Sweden. To be tried, right?

To be tried on some sort of a sexual assault trial. Well, the latest is that there's no DNA link in the condom that's central to their sexual assault case. There's no DNA link. Does that surprise anybody? The whole thing is amazing. The guy's held up at the to it. Does that surprise anybody? The whole thing's amazing. The guys held up at the Ecuador embassy, and they're talking about storming the NFC, and the premise is this case, this case, this sexual assault case.

And now the latest is that a condom given to Swedish police by one of Julian Assange's accusers does not contain the WikiLeaks founder's DNA. Forensic evidence have found. Reportedly found. And the banks have cut off any funding to WikiLeaks. You can no longer donate to keep it going. Yeah, that makes sense.

It's a smear campaign. It's not just a smear campaign. They're trying to just like scoot this guy up and jack him. I mean, who knows what they're going to do to him. If they decide to put him in a Swedish jail, he's probably dead. They'll probably kill him. You know, they'll just have some prison uprising, let some dudes into his jail, and give them free cigarettes if they stomp him to death.

Well, he needs to bring the wood. He's going to bring the wood. You know what I mean? Like that scene in Breaking Bad? You ever seen, like, the last... Are you giving spoilers from Breaking Bad? Have you ever seen the last... Are you giving spoilers from Breaking Bad? Don't do that, bro. Not my podcast, buddy.

Not my podcast. I'll just sit here quietly. Shut the fuck up, Sam. He's all about balls. We're all about balls and monkey rape. And bringing wood. I gotta apologize to Mac Danzig. Mac Danzig did a podcast with me.

And the beginning of it, I got the audio of it. And it wasn't going up on – the audio wasn't going up to Ustream. So Brian wasn't there. And so the second part of it – well, I'm saying it wasn't your fault. It was my fault. And then the second part of it, the file is corrupt. So it's fucking – and what's really crazy is Mac danzig had the same problem with ari shafir he did a podcast with ari shafir he's haunted and yeah and and ari had the podcast and deleted it

accidentally and then emptied his trash and then freaked out that he couldn't get it back he even tried to bring it to i think he tried to use like a data finding program but the point is mac danzig might be haunted when it comes to podcasts but we're going to make it up to him and he's going to come back in on Wednesday. He probably thinks we're just all fucking with him actually. No, he doesn't. He knows. He's going to come in and punch me. He's a super interesting guy so it'll be fun to talk to him again anyway.

He's a really good dude. He has a really good fight coming up, doesn't he? Isn't he fighting somebody I thought was a really good matchup? I want to say it's a Japanese fighter. Oh, yeah, it is. Gomi. Takanori Gomi.

Yeah, that's a good fight. It's a great fight. Yeah. Yeah, he's fought Sakurai. Two of the great Japanese fighters are Sakurai and Takanori Gomi, the great fighters, especially of the last generation. You know, and Gomi still is a big knockout puncher. He's knocked out Tyson Griffin.

He has shorter arms, though, right? I think that's what I've seen with Asians, that they tend to have the shorter arms. Don't do racism. When you're talking to UFC on my podcast, Sam Tripoli, you son of a bitch. You're going for the cheap laugh and making fun of Asians' arm length. Yes, I'm saying that's a big reason why I think they— Okay, who's that basketball player? What's his name?

Jeremy Lin? Ming Yang. Your argument's out the window. What's his name? Jeremy Lin? Ming Young. Your argument's out the window. No, but I'll tell you about Yao Ming. He looks like a T-Rex. He's tall with these huge legs. He's got short, short arms. Fuck up.

He does not have short arms. Look at him, dude. He has proportionate arms. No, he doesn't. Not for his body. Pull him up, Brian. Pull him up. Pull him up full body.

Okay, now I'm going for three for three. You're going to go down. You're going to go down. You're going to go down with this one. This one, I swear. How are we going to? I'm telling you, I've watched this guy play basketball forever. His arms aren't proportional to his body like Blake Griffin. I'm telling you.

He doesn't have super long arms. You are no judge of symmetry in human beings. I am too. You're just not. I watch. I learn. I love. I bring the wood. I bring the wood.

I bring the wood. Yao Ming. Is Yao Ming... Which one is the really tall guy? Is that Yao Ming? He's the biggest guy. Yeah, he was the 7'6 guy. He's 7'6?

Yes. That seems like pretty decent. No, but you guys look to a proportion of his body. Shut the fuck up, Sam. That is not... Look how tall he is. Look how short he is fuck up sam sam sam sam sam that is a failure that guy is in proportion there's nothing disproportionate about his build at all no he's not you're so silly you know you now i can't listen to you and trust you on anything because

we've got clear photographic evidence that shows your shitty theory is no good, and you're rejecting it. You're rejecting it in front of all these people on the internet, Sam. Yes, I am. I'm saying that. Not only that, Chinese people look to him as a hero. Yao Ming has very short armchair size. The fuck he does, Sam. You're wrong.

Sam, this is a shit observation. I wish you would bring this observation on stage and have people stare at you and go, no, no he doesn't, no. The crowd is not enjoying me right you can say like lady gaga has a big nose and people go you know what she's done she's really hot but she does kind of have a big nose you cannot say yaoming has short arms they make you the scouting report of yaoming coming into the draft and they will say tall guy was short proportionately short arms sam how do you spell yau ming yau y-a-o-m-i-n-g proportionately short arms pro poor

short arms let's say do you mean how good would y would Yao Ming be if his arms were longer? Yao's arms are pretty short for his height, but he still has one of the highest... Okay, this is inside hoops. They're too short for his height. Are you serious? Yes! Give me back my point!

Yes! Let me see my point. Yes. Let me see. I need to see some more photos of him because that looked normal to me. That looked normal. This could be just some racist bullshit. No, dude. People don't like Yao Ming. When he was getting drafted, they said that his arms aren't that long for his height,

man. Brian, I think we need to Google Yao Ming images, Yao Ming short arms. No, but what, are you going to eyeball it? Listen, I don't trust all these racists online talking shit about the giant Chinese man. Are you telling me InsideHoops.com is a racist website? No way, dude.

They don't want the China man to take over. No way. Nobody said China man. Measure, it is correct that using this measure, Take over Nobody said China man Measure It is correct that using this measure Yao's arms are proportionally shorter than the average This is another one This is Yao Ming mania

Okay no no no this is just a forum Can't tell Yeah How long are Yao Ming's arms? Wiki answers 7 foot six inches. Whoa. That's pretty long.

You can really say those are short? Dude has seven foot six inch arms? That's crazy. Oh, isn't that always the case? That your reach is like exactly... Isn't that... No, it's not. No, there's some guys who have just...

Like a lot of these NBA players now, they have these incredibly long reaches. A guy named Elton Brand, who's 6'5", but he has a 7'2 wingspan. Right. That's like the same thing with Jon Jones. Jon Jones is 6'4", but he's got a wingspan of a 7-foot tall guy. What is that? Is that extra wide shoulders that propel the arms out, or is it the arm actually is longer?

I think probably a little both. A little both. Yeah, because dudes who have short shoulders definitely always have like a shorter reach, and guys like Tommy Hearns with like real wide backs, you know, had a longer reach on top of the fact that he was tall and had long limbs. This guy that just got drafted, number one, Anthony Davis, his wingspan is like a pterodactyl.

It's huge. Dude, I think you get a point for that. I think we've got to give a point back to Tripoli. I think he already... Did you already give it to me? I'll take another point. You've got to give him a ding, though. Give him a ding. But the ding for a point. Okay, I'll take a ding.

Because, yeah, the people online are saying that, and there's no experts, but enough people online are saying it that I would see And that's why Gomi is a great fighter I just think he has a short reach Yeah

Well he's a He is a really good wrestler And one of the things that he does What a lot of good wrestlers do They develop that jump That leap forward with their power double You know their double leg takedowns And, they develop that jump, that leap forward with their power double, you know, their double leg takedowns. And when they develop that intense explosion forward, they put that in their punch.

And that's what Gomi does. He throws punches like a fastball. I think he actually was a pitcher at one point in time as well. Well, okay. There's also people that say he's not disproportionately short. No, dude. I already get the point. He's not particularly strong.

His height, long arms. Who says that? Dude, if you go back to his whole thing, I would just make this up. Yao Ming has a wingspan that is shorter. Yeah, some of them say it's not. It's really interesting. Okay, it's not. It seems to be what people like to say.

I think that's a point. Yeah, it seems to be what people like to say, but also people like to dispute it. So I Googled it both ways. I Googled not proportionally shorter. If you actually watched him play, you could tell he has short arms for his height. You could tell. You could tell when he went to go block a – I don't care.

I don't care. Okay. Well, I'm still fighting for my point. Why do you want it so bad? Because I just know every statement I make is going to be Googled or Wikipedia'd, and I'd like to go three for three. So do you think he would be better? I mean, I think a guy that's that tall basically just can hold the ball above everybody's head.

When it gets to a certain point when dudes are like 10 feet tall, are we still going to use the same height basketball? They've already talked about moving it up a foot. Five-minute warning? All right, let's wrap this bitch up. Yeah, because at one point in time, no one was 7'6", right? Who was 7'6"? Just 10 years ago.

How old was the tallest man in the world? When was he alive? Like, the tallest guy in the world was, like, 8'6". Yeah, but those are guys with, like, fucked-up pituitary glands. They're not like Yao Ming, who's, like, a functional, normal dude who just happens to be gigantic. You just, I mean, like, like kevin garnett when he came into league he was like a seven footer who was built like a a normal person like he was proportionate

yeah so he could run normal because before it was like these guys with these very long legs right small torsos that was the first time it was like actual proportionate seven footers yeah pretty soon that's the whole nba is just going to be like all seven-footers at every different position just with different strengths and weaknesses. And if they didn't have weight classes in the UFC, by the way, if the 265 pounds wasn't the heavyweight limit and the super heavyweight division, like those guys are going to dominate. There's going to be some gigantic human beings in the future.

I want them to call it the monster weight division. Well, if there's enough fighters to have that sort of a weight division, they eventually will. Right now, the reason why we haven't implemented it is because there's not really enough super heavyweight fighters to fill a whole division, and they would be the cream of the crop. The super heavyweight would be the biggest and the best guy. But I think one day, eventually, that's going to happen.

But isn't there this whole fear that people wouldn't try to make weight as much like you'd see guys who probably could fight at the heavyweight level but they would like lean back like kind of like big country who could be very dominant 205 but he prefers to stay at the heavyweight thing you might see that a little bit more guys if they could make it like a uh super heavyweight would go there instead of trying to make the weight a heavyweight. Yeah. But dudes can do whatever they want anyway. You know,

you could fight at whatever weight class you want. I mean, BJ Penn has fought heavyweight before BJ Penn fought Lyoto Machida, essentially at heavyweight. Lyoto was heavier than two Oh five when they fought. So it's like, you know, if you want to get up to that weight class,

as long as you weigh in more than two 65, you can fight where the fuck you want. Well, if you're a guy like built like a guy, like big country, or if you built like a guy, like, you know, Anderson Silva is lean and you can fight wherever the fuck you want. If you're a guy built like a guy like Big Country, or if you're built like a guy like Anderson Silva's lean, you can do whatever the fuck you want, really. I don't think there's any fear of people

getting too big. I think it would be interesting to see big giant dudes. This weekend in Montreal, or excuse me, in Toronto, also is the UFC and the first ever UFC flyweight title will change hands. And Joseph Benavidez was at our show in Sacramento,

and we want to wish him luck. And he's fighting Mighty Mouse, Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson. We want to wish him luck too. It's going to be a great fucking fight. I love that weight class. Yeah, first ever flyweight championship. It's going to be sick this weekend. All right, tomorrow we have Rich Roll on the podcast

who is a vegan athlete. And then Mac Danzig will return on Wednesday. Mac Danzig is also a vegan athlete. So it's not like I'm just anti-vegan, folks. I'm just anti-dummy. I respect that. And I'm anti-bees. Bees can go fuck themselves. But I'm pro-Sam Tripoli.

Follow Sam Tripoli on Twitter, folks. It's T-R-I-P-O-L-I. And you're a good sport, Sam. You know I love you. I love you, too. Always a privilege to be here. A lot of people hear comedians talk shit with each other, and they get a little nervous.

And it's what we do, folks. We fucking rag each other constantly. And that's why we enjoy hanging out. And when I say that Sam's a little lazy, what he is is very, very, very fucking funny, though. And it's an honor to road gig it with you, my brother. I am honored and privileged. And by the way, Brian Redband crushed it in Sacramento, ladies and gentlemen.

I was very impressed. That was a real solid set, dude. Brian's really been dedicated to stand-up lately, and the rewards are showing. And he'll also be at the Ice House this Wednesday night. So this Wednesday night is a crazy fucking show. Doug Benson, Joey Diaz, Duncan Trussell, Greg Fitzsimmons, Brian Redband, and maybe even Tom Segura too.

We don't know. It's going to be fucking crazy. So tomorrow, Rich Roll Wednesday, Mac dancing. And Joey Diaz might want to come in Wednesday as well. We might do two on Wednesday. That's how little of a fuck we give. You feel me, Sam Tripoli? Dude, you're bringing the wood.

Damn, I'm bringing the wood. I want to thank Ting for sponsoring this podcast. The website to go to is rogan.ting.com. And if you go there, they will welcome you. The first you can save. There's a girl with like, she's holding up my sign and where my face is should be her tits.

That's how awesome this picture is. And you can save 50 bucks on your first ping, uh, ting, ping. How dare I? Your first ting device. Ting's an amazing service that no cell phone contracts.

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Go to Ting.com. Well, the actual URL is supposed to be rogan.ting.com. Rogan.ting. Shout out to Ting. And shout out to Onnit.com, always the sponsor of our podcast, creator of Alpha Brain and Shroom Tech and New Mood. Can I get some Alpha Brain? You can, son.

The 5-HTP and L-Tryptophan supplement, New Mood, which actually enhances your brain's production of serotonin, making you fucking happier. That's the kind of shit we're dropping on you at Onnit. Shout out to Alpha Brain. We also have Kettlebells, Battle Ropes, Hemp Protein Powder. So not only do you get your protein, but you get your marijuana street cred. See what I'm saying?

Shout out to street cred. Shout out to deathsquad.tv. Sweat this beautiful shirt that I have. It too can be yours if you go to deathsquad.tv and order that shit, son. Or you could go to shopsquad.tv now. Oh, is that a new thing? Shop Squad. Oh, look at that.

What is Shop Squad? It just is the store. You have a store now? Yeah. Powerful Shop Squad. So if you can't remember Shop a new thing? Shop Squad. Oh, look at that. What is Shop Squad? This is the store. You have a store now? Yep. Powerful Shop Squad. So if you can't remember Shop Squad, go to Desk Squad. Desk Squad. Desk Squad.

Desk Squad.tv. Look, it's Mary Jane. Do you know Mary Jane? She modeled the new girl shirts we have. Oh, you got girl shirts. Powerful. Powerful sexy girl shirts. Look how smart you are.

Dirty bitches. Get that shirt on. Did you do that in the bathroom at the comedy store? Yeah. Did you? You did. In the girl's bathroom. Oh, that's hilarious.

Oh, Brian, you silly, silly bitch. All right, folks. We'll be back tomorrow with Rich Roll, and hopefully we'll get Joey Diaz in this week as well. We'll see you soon. Thank you very much. We love you all. Thanks for all the positive energy and the positive messages and all the fucking groovy vibes. We're a part of this wild wave.

Let's ride it right into the beach, you fucks. See you soon.