The Joe Rogan Experience - #272 - Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, Ian Edwards

Episode Date: October 3, 2012

Joe sits down with Duncan Trussell, Joey Diaz, and Ian Edwards.

Hello. Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night, all day. Powerful Duncan Trussell. A lot of times you know someone, you've known someone for a long time, and you go, wow, this is a fucking weird cat, man. I've never met anybody like him.

And you never get it. You're like, what is, this dude is not like anybody ever. I wonder how this guy grew up. And then you go to the town where they grew up. And you go, oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I just got a huge piece of the Duncan Trussell puzzle this weekend in Asheville, North Carolina. Asheville is so awesome. I don't want to tell people about Asheville because I'm scared they're going to move there. I know. I'm scared they'll move there and fuck that place up.

It's crazy. I mean, it's grown so fast already, man. Because it's unbelievably beautiful. The whole thing is so ridiculous. You've got this incredibly gorgeous landscape all around you everywhere. These intense green mountains. And then there's these super cool people in this town where you can walk around everywhere.

And you're like, whoa. It's like they took the best parts of Austin and moved it to the North Carolina mountains. That's exactly right. That's a perfect description. It's like southern cool people. But it's like freebasing Austin, if that's possible. It's really condensed Austin. It's Austin in a needle shoved right into your dick.

But dude, you didn't get to walk around, man. I didn't have to. There's all these new shops. I went to, there's a tea room there where like, there's just, it's like an opium den with blankets everywhere. People with their shoes off sitting like reading poetry. It's fucking cool. It's like an opium den with blankets everywhere and people with their shoes off sitting like reading poetry. It's fucking cool. It's so cool.

That place is so weird. It's weird. It was awesome, though. It was awesome. The show was awesome. Hanging out with the people there was awesome. Thanks to my friend Sam for hooking me up, taking care of us out there. It was – the whole place was just so strange.

It's like what a crazy little town. It's so small. It's so small and cool. I just loved everything about it. It's like if Occupy Wall Street turned into a city. No, it's not because it's not as complainy. That's true, but it is filled with i mean it is filled with subversive folks it's there's a lot there's a lot of people there who are apparently in the

environmental liberation front oh god eco terrorists perhaps are hanging out there oh my god you should probably not say that on the air dude i think you're doing the government's work i think people oh yeah it'd be really hard to figure out there might be eco terrorists there i saw a nun riding down the fucking street on some giant tricycle chasing us on the phone that wasn't a nun that was a chick who's gonna go fuck her boyfriend and he wanted her to come over dressed like a nun that's what that was that's a great girlfriend yeah that's a great girlfriend that's that was come to my house on a tricycle dressed as a nun i'm hornyny. But there were a few churches there, so maybe it is. I think religion is...

I've never been to one place that has no religion. Even in Boulder. Boulder is a pretty liberal, intelligent, left-wingy kind of a place. They had plenty of churches. My friend just sent me this thing. I haven't listened to it yet. On this debate that they did as to whether or not the world would be a better place if religion did not exist and it's like a like these are professional debaters and intellectuals i can't remember what it's it's like on npr or something but

the end result was they decided yeah the world's better without religion would have been much better yeah they say that but yes and no you know it's like I think religion serves as an operating system for a lot of people. And if they didn't have religion, you would have to explain shit to them. And that could get so tiresome. It would get so tiresome to sit around with some blundering moron, you know, pontificating on what it means to have a finite life in an infinite universe. And what part of, you know, this part of this experience you really do play? What part do you play? And what is your consciousness all about?

And why are you so scared of it shutting off? Those are scary, terrifying questions for the average person. And maybe some ditch-digger dude doesn't need to know that. Maybe there's some dudes who have some... I believe there's people that have brains that work way better than mine. I've seen it. I've, I've talked to people that I,

it's not just a matter of education. It's a matter of some people are gifted. You know, there's some people have a little tiny hands and then there's people that have built like Shaquille O'Neal and he could grab them and crush them. And it's not fair. It doesn't make any sense, but it's just the way it is.

And I think that there's some people that are are they're living in this life as humans but yet they're not quite human they're like just below human like you talk to them and you're like um so uh so what do you think happens when you die well man for sure you go to heaven and you get to be with jesus well i've believed this since i was a child and you're talking to him and you get to be with Jesus. I've believed this since I was a child. You're talking to them and you know there's like a weird disconnect with the person. They talk and it's not even that they're not. I've met some really intelligent Christians. Don't get me wrong.

That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is there's certain people that are just really dumb and they really aren't capable of thinking about deep shit. They're not capable of pondering the really insane question of what the fuck this life is. They're not capable of it. So religion, I've always felt, is like a nice scaffolding for people like that. It lets them experience all the benefits of being a positive person and being a giving and loving person. We all experience those benefits. It's just they're teaching them to do it in the way that it's transcribing the wishes of some holy master who created you.

And I said it once. I'm not fucking saying it again. Write it down. This is what you do. Do it or else you go to hell. It's almost like it's structured to make the idiots have a really simple moral path. It gives you a nice little story to explain the really weird but real complexities of love and positive thinking and how it shapes lives and how your

intention shapes lives and your imagination shapes your life and how this thing is malleable and it's it's not understood this life that we're living is simply not understood that's too fucking weird for some people they're not gonna they can't handle that that's not getting in there that that's going to their ear and bouncing off like it hit a fucking trampoline so for some people religion allows them to be on a good path it allows them to you know to do good and to experience the result of that, even though they're doing it because of some fictional character. It's like they're still doing the same, they're doing the correct things. It's like when religion gets nutty, when you get into the Inquisition or stabbing cartoon makers because they drew your guy, when religion goes completely off the tracks

like that, that's when it becomes a problem. But I think that's not the majority of religious people. I think the majority of religious people probably benefit from it in a sense of like community, for sure. You know, churches are a big part of neighborhoods and communities. You know, it's a big part of how people interact with each other. And if you could find something that was a religion where it made sense to you, if it was a logical religion, it actually would probably be a good thing to be a part of. Because what you're doing is you're committing your family, and you're committing all the families around you that are all in this sort of community together to take part in some sort of journey of spiritualism. Can I play devil's advocate, literally? Sure. Against religion?

So, because I agree with you, but I think that the problem is that it creates not only a structure where people can sort of rest and have an ethical system that they're not going to come up with on their own. But obviously, the danger of all that is that certain unscrupulous human beings have figured out that if they put on the right costume, they can convince dopes to give them cows, suck their dicks, take gold. Because all they have to say is, they're like, priests and religious leaders become like God's agents, like CAA for God, where they're like god they're the priests and religious leaders become like god's agents like caa for god where they're like yeah i'm taking the calls for god i'll tell you what god wants and it turns out god wants you to blow me conveniently and i don't know why because

he's crazy but he wants you to suck my dick and he wants seven of your cows i don't even know why he likes cows and he would like 10 of everything you make for the rest of your life that's what he said i just don't kill the messenger that's what he said we're not going to put it on paper i just want you to continue to pay that yeah that's not even on paper right when you tithe it's not like you know this is like written somewhere where you have to give 10 of your money right isn't that something which just people just do i don't know if there's a scriptural thing that says 10%. I think it's something that just sort of seems like a logical number. But you remember that? It was a couple of years ago in India in a temple. They opened up at

the vaults in the temple. They hadn't opened it up or they found some vaults and it was just filled with gold, just filled with fucking gold and you know everyone around the temple was in awe for all this money but when you really think about what that gold came from it came from hypnotized people who believed that these priests were in some way representing god and then the gold didn't even go anywhere it moldered in the basement of a fucking temple wow so it's. So when you see that there's that level of exploitation that happens, and you retweeted that amazing YouTube video of the guy whose job it is to suck the freshly circumcised kid's cock,

and he's explaining why according to religion. That's the guy in my act. People think that that's fake. That really is real. I couldn't believe it, dude. I did think you were exaggerating. I couldn't believe that that's an actual... Yeah.

Well, it's not only that. He was justifying it. He was justifying it by quoting the pages. It says in page 64, chapter 7. He's going through all this nonsense with his fucking wizard outfit on and his goofy ass beard and he's explaining where it says it's okay to suck the baby's dick baby's penis he's so completely lost his objectivity that he he is actually trying to explain why this is necessary not just it's i think there's a a distinction to make between that dick that baby dick it's not

just a baby's dick it's a bleeding baby's dick a screaming baby's dick and you know like i say in in the bit about it that i do in my act like how the fuck do we know that that kid can't remember that we're just assuming just because he can't talk and he you know that he doesn't have a way to express how much it sucks that you cut his dick and start sucking on it. But for sure, you don't know whether or not that baby can remember that. That seems like a really traumatic moment.

And I remember some intensely traumatic moments from when I was young. So I would think that would be something that would fucking haunt the back of your brain for the rest of your life. Some old, creepy asshole speaking in a dead language and sucking your dick

while he's wearing a wizard costume. Your bloody dick. Your dick that he just mutilated. Freshly slashed dick. While your parents don't even save you. Your parents let this stupid nonsense. They're paying him. Yeah, they're paying to get this dummy to fucking cut your bloody dick and then suck it.

I just had my mom on my podcast. And I was like, how did it go? When I came out of your pussy, did they circumcise me right then? Did they cut it off then? And she's like, yeah. She said it was sometime around there. She's like, but you didn't like it. You cried.

Jesus Christ. It's like, no shit I cried. You snipped off the tip of my cock. It's so crazy. Everybody's mutilated. The majority of Americans are mutilated. And it's a weird thing with people where they don't want to admit that this is like like it's really kind of people like you're so exaggerating rogan fucking relax

mutilating that's really what it is see like skin is there to protect the tip of your dick don't you think uncircumcised cocks and porn look weird no i don't duncan the skin is supposed to protect the tip of your dick and your dick is supposed to be like glistening, like mucousy. It's supposed to be like super sensitive, but instead they hack that shit off and the tip of your dick dries out. Like it's not supposed to be dry like that. It's supposed to be moist, like inside a woman's vagina. That's what your dick's supposed to be like,

and it's supposed to feel better that way because of that, because it's like moist and like slippery. And then there's this nonsense that people are pushing it's all been disproven by science about aids people are saying that it's like to protect people from aids like that is one of the craziest ideas i have ever fucking heard is that somehow another extra foreskin dick skin is gonna protect you if you fuck a guy who's got aids like that is one of the craziest ideas I've ever heard. Like, you're going to fuck that guy, man? He's got AIDS.

Like, dude, I'm circumcised. Oh. Well, go fuck away. Oh, Jesus. Go hit it, buddy. Like, this is not protecting you from AIDS. There's no fucking way that protects you from AIDS. That's ridiculous.

But we want to justify doing it. We want to justify that it was done to us and we were in denial about it you're you're hacking off a piece of a little kid's dick and there's no science for it whatsoever it's craziness and the majority of people do it how many pounds of baby foreskin meat gets generated a year enough to feed like a couple dogs for life right a couple bears yeah you think about all the babies being born and just chop chop chop screaming now if you could put together all the babies being born coming out of the pussies all at once and getting their dicks circumcised all together in one screaming mass. It'd be a dubstep music video.

It's ridiculous. I think you are underestimating the amount of foreskin meat that gets generated by this planet. Do you think it could feed like... Did you hear about that guy who fell into his hog pen? Hogs ate him. The hogs ate him? Yep. Pigs are a motherfucker, man.

Pigs are a motherfucker. They're so scary. Big, fat, stupid animals that will eat you if you fall in their pen. Anything. Yeah, they're like 700 pounds. Yeah. Like, they just started chewing on you. Ugh!

I bet it was a quick death, though. Well, they fucked him up, man. You know, they ate most of him before the people chewing on him. I bet it was a quick death, though. Well, they fucked him up, man. They ate most of him before the people even found him. The guy went missing for a few hours, and by the time they got there, he was disemboweled. They had just eaten the shit out of him. Yeah, they couldn't even find him. Yeah, most of him was missing. It's really scary what a pig could do to you.

It's like the Tibetan sky ritual, but with pigs. Yeah. Well, pigs are even better than that. You don't even have to mash up the bones.'ll do it for you they'll take care of everything the pigs are uh you know they're responsible for more deaths uh per year than any other livestock that's crazy when you think about like bulls but no pigs are responsible for more deaths i had no idea yeah pigs are fucking a wild pig especially wild pigs are really creepy that just doesn't go through my list of ways i might die dude you've never seen the uh the pig show uh pig man no the

guy who goes pig hunting dude it is one of the craziest shows that i've ever seen on television okay it's a guy named pig man and he lives in south texas and the pig the wild pig problem in South Texas is like roaches in Manhattan I mean it is bananas you can't fucking believe how many pigs there are and they're huge and they're wild pigs it's what happens with pigs is a pig when they leave the it's really weird when they leave captivity within three weeks their body changes their snout starts to grow longer. Their hair gets thicker and bushier. Their fangs, their tusks grow longer.

It's really weird. Like they physically morph, and it starts in just three weeks. As soon as they have to fend for themselves, as soon as the food's not continually delivered to them, so you keep them in like this fetus form when you continually deliver food to them. When you see pigs, you see them. They're fat and they're lazy and they're just laying around and we just stuff them and overstuff them and then eventually slaughter them. They do not even remotely resemble wild pigs.

Wild pigs are motherfuckers, dude. And they will attack you. Like this one in this one show, this guy shot a wild pig with two arrows and it didn't kill it and the thing charged them from the bushes and he's unloading a pistol into it as the thing rushes him a death run it's with tusks and there are hundreds of pounds three four five hundred pounds wild pigs and they're everywhere there are millions of them in texas so this guy pig man and ted nugent get a helicopter and they're flying around in a helicopter shooting these pigs out of the sky shooting them from the sky it's it's insane they kill 200 pigs in a in a one hour show it's amazing

the different lives people are having on this planet yes it is this guy is just fucking up pigs all day what he calls shank him i'm here to shank him shank him he's a shanking swine and he's just like this heavy duty southern you know uh good old boy from south texas it's a funny fucking it's a funny fucking show man like you know when you play video games and when you're going to bed if you play video games too much you kind of see them on the back of your eyes have you ever done that yes this guy when he goes to bed he just sees pigs and from a helicopter shooting and shooting pigs dude they shoot them with assault rifles i mean it's crazy it's They're swooping around this helicopter.

Are they herds of pigs? Do they herd up? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So why not grenades? Because they're actually going to use the meat. Oh, I see. They give the meat to foreign. They give the meat to poor people. They send the meat to Iran.

They send the meat to Afghanistan. That's where all the boys back home want some wild swine. Nothing they love more than wild pork. Yeah Yeah that's how we really get at them We import pigs Because to Muslims they're not supposed to eat pork at all We imported these 500 pound Murdered fucking hogs Murdered from the sky

Death from above They do it to like Apocalypse Now And it's called the Porkalypse It is a fucking insane show So there are no pigs They do it to like Apocalypse Now. And it's called the Porkalypse, Porkalypse Now. It is a fucking insane show. So there are no pigs in Iran? That's a good question. I don't know.

I do not know. I know they're not supposed to eat them if it's a Muslim country, right? I mean, you would offend a lot of people if you were eating them. Yeah, because they eat their own shit. Is that what it is? Yeah. That's part of it. They're filthy. Don't eat gorillas never eat gorillas bush meat that's the aids meat that's where it all starts yeah that's where patient zero starts so gross you ate bad

gorilla one night and then you get aids there's some people eating things in africa right now what do you think the aids gorilla tasted like? Not good. But it tasted like old feet. Just like stinky gym feet. But they were hungry. It tastes like a cadaver. Ugh. Yeah.

It's got to be very human-like. How dirty was that gorilla? More gamey than humans, though. What did that gorilla do to get AIDS? Where did the gorilla... Somebody probably fucked it. It's probably when you introduced like human we're gonna find out that all this shit boils down to somebody had a fucking animal somewhere all of it where where's swine flu come from well funny thing about pigs they'll just let you fuck them so people started getting swine flu chicken flu chicken virus you know that's the thing about flus.

A lot of people don't know. A lot of them, bird flus. These flus, a lot of them, they come from farms. They come from these crazy places where you stuff a million animals on three acres. And, you know, it smells like death. And that's where diseases come from. It's really weird. Farms are fucking creepy, man.

Like cattle farms where they butcher cows. We went and did a Fear Factor on one of them. I've got to tell you about this other guy on Fear Factor, too. It goes with what we were talking about earlier about religion. Remind me. But we went to this thing. We had to do this slaughterhouse episode. It was a fucked up show, man, where we gave these people.

It was like a bathtub of blood and they had to dunk their head in and pull out these um rings they had to grab them with their face and pull out these rings and um they were just covered in blood and one guy was he couldn't do it it was cold water the water i mean the blood rather was really cold it had to be 38 degrees because otherwise uh it can you could go bad and then people get sick so we had to change the blood rather was really cold it had to be 38 degrees because otherwise uh it can you could go bad and then people get sick so we had to change the blood for every person i think that was polite yeah well that's i think we had to do it for like health reasons i forget but i remember being super super cold so anyway this guy starts going nuts and smashing the blood like the hulk and screaming

and this guy had been in the parking lot before the show. He had been talking in his side view mirror, looking at a side view mirror going, you are a winner. You will succeed. You are going to press ahead. Nothing will stop you. You cannot quit. Oh, shit. So this guy had some serious hangups in his mind with failure when it comes to-

But I don't understand. You say he's smashing the blood. What do you mean? Well, like the Hulk like here's a big bathtub full of blood and he's gonna like this splattering all over everybody and him and he's soaked in blood screaming and he was a big guy he was a big dude he's like a football player and I'm looking at this guy I'm like if this guy wants to kick my ass like this might be a real problem like this is a big dude at this guy and I'm like, if this guy wants to kick my ass, like, this might be a real problem. Like, this is a big dude. Like,

this guy would like, you know, he's like a fucking physically strong guy. Like, if he wants to kick your ass, the very least, someone's getting hurt.

There's going to be some chaos and I'm looking around at these fucking cameramen. They're all skinny guys smoking cigarettes. Most of them are completely out of shape. A lot of them are older guys

with like back problems. I'm like, no one's going to save me. Who's going to save me if this guy goes bananas? That is fucking crazy. Yeah, this dude right here. Apparently he was a really nice guy, and he felt real bad about his performance on the show,

and he just said that he was having some issues, and he had had it with other sports in the past. Yeah, it was insane. It was insane. By the way, I don't even remember this. I'm watching this and I don't even remember it. I barely remember it. Dante's Inferno, man. That's demonic.

We did 148 of these fucking things. Can you believe that? 13! You can do it! Come on, move! Nice shirt. What a ridiculous job I had. I'm screaming at these people Telling them they can do it

This guy right here I saw you outside You were talking to yourself in the side view mirror What are you doing? Psyching yourself up? It's a story that goes back to my football coach And he said little eyes upon you Little kids watching you all the time And the man in the glass

You go home and look yourself in the mirror when you're done And you say good job That's what I want to do You go home and you can't look at yourself? I don't want that, man. All right, well, you're going to be looking at yourself in the mirror with a big, fat face full of blood. What's going to happen now? Are you going to send Joseph home? I'm going to do my best, buddy. I can't put my head in there and then go home and have people say, man, you did that for nothing.

All right, Joshua, you ready? Ready. All right, you ready? Ready! You beat 19, Joseph goes home and you move on. In 3, 2, 1, go! Come on man! Don't you quit! Get in there!

So he quit like right away. And see how he's screaming and punching the blood? It's so terrible! Go in man! It's so nasty, look at that. Oh man, no that and he couldn't do it screaming at the blood right now he keeps shaking shaking his face see everybody else just went in there. Get in there! Go! He can't breathe. He can't breathe. Oh, that's terrible. Joshua, come on!

You can still do it! Woo! Go! Don't quit! Don't you quit! Get in there! He's totally quitting. Now, here's where he starts freaking out.

See? Smashing the blood. Good instincts, Rogan. You really jumped back. Yeah, I saw that blood coming. Don't quit! Get in there! This guy is making me look worse. This is so ridiculous.

I'll see you all tomorrow. Is that Jay Moore? No, I don't think so. He's about to transform. This is like an episode of The Incredible Hulk Episode of The Incredible Hulk Okay You know

I noticed how much different my voice sounds before I got my nose fixed Yeah I had a nasally sort of thing going on I had no nose for most of my life When I got a deviated septum operation Completely changed my life, man I can't believe I went so long

I have friends that have like fucked up noses I'm like, dude, please get your nose fixed Just please listen to me Get your nose fixed deviated septum operation completely changed my life man i can't believe i went so long i have friends that have like fucked up noses i'm like dude please get your nose fixed just please listen to me get your nose fixed your whole life you could be like you know talking like this you realize it you know your whole life you get this fucking thing that's blocking up air did you hear about that millionaire that did so much cocaine that yeah his fucking nose exploded you know it collapsed yeah here's here's a here's his nose he's like looks like boss hog now oh god damn this what's the matter just go down jesus christ look at that fucking nose all right whatever you're using windows aren't you

we gotta stop enough i did know somebody that did so much cocaine that his nose in between the nostrils like made a hole in between the two nostrils you gotta do a lot of that's like a goddamn commitment do you think it collapsed all at once like one night he woke up and it was like that or it collapsed over time that guy's an ugly fuck and he doesn't give a shit anyway he's just trying to get my dick sucked and get my coke. He's one of those, I got to get my coke. Look at him. Jesus.

The other dude that I want to talk about, that won Fear Factor, won a million dollars, and he was going to tithe it. He was going to give them 10% to his church. And the dude started talking in tongues. He was talking in tongues. He was talking in tongues. Like he was like, Glossalia. Yeah, glossolalia.

Glossolalia. Yeah. They start talking in like, see if you can put that up. Pull that up, man. Fear Factor guy speaks in tongues. It was so bizarre. That shit's weird. But that shit he won he won he won a million bucks so maybe the dude just believed in himself so much because of all this that you know he he forced the victory well you know where that speaking of tongues comes from right no after the jesus our Lord died, his disciples were all gathered together and some hiding out.

And I think he appeared to them or the doors opened and a wind blew through and suddenly they were able to speak in every language. And they all started speaking in all the languages of the world. That's the myth. So Pentecostal churches, they will try try to induce this state you know i know you've seen it and they handle rattlesnakes too because that was the other thing he gave them power to take up serpents so they so they have these rituals they handle rattlesnakes so what do they do they get bit a little bit they do they know that some of them they get bitten and they die dude look up pentecostal snake handling.

You've never seen that, Rogan? Oh, God. You've never seen snake handlers? I've seen snake handlers on television. They dance around with the snakes up in the mountains. There's a guy whose father died. He was a snake handler. And then he just died really recently.

He was one of those snake handler guys. Oh, man. That is just the fucking worst, man. That is just the worst. That's so creepy. It's such the opposite of what that religion... It's so weird that Christianity managed to mutate into malnourished country people talking in fake languages and holding snakes on a Sunday.

That's fucking weird, man. Yeah, it's very weird. It's so strange how religion can mutate. Because if you look at that versus Catholicism, it's two completely different things. Yeah, this is just from May. Serpent-handling pastor dies from rattlesnake bite just like his father. Yeah. Yeah.

He's in West Virginia. Holla. His faith wasn't strong. Is that what they think? Do they think that their faith failed and that's why the snake bit him? We did some traveling through West Virginia and got to just see some really bizarre places. One of them was a bar that was a a house it was a house and then the the

downstairs was a bar i mean it was just they had like a plastic sign that said bar and i mean it was a fucking house it was like somehow or another they had converted their house into a bar it was so bizarre and then right next door was always a church, and then there was always a strip club. It was strip club, church, bar. Strip club, church, bar. That's all you had. Weird shit goes on in those haulers, Joe. In a city next to where my mom lives, this guy fucking hacked up his dad to bits and threw his limbs on the Blue Ridge parkway which is like just up in the woods he was like threw his head into the forest and then his arm somewhere and then his arm somewhere

i bet he wasn't a good dad that was i don't know i asked my mom i was like yeah the dad's probably i realized i had the exact same thing where i blamed the dad but she's like no it wasn't that you know the kid was just fucking crazy. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I mean, you know, regardless of how bad a dad you are, I don't know if you deserve to have your limbs chopped off. Maybe.

Well, there are exceptions. If you fucked the kid relentlessly for 20 years, you deserve to get chopped off. 20 years straight, he just managed to crawl away to the axe. He's been trying to get to the axe for 20 years of straight fucking. You never lost your heart on it. Finally. He developed all his strength just from resisting ass rape.

Oh, man, but that fucking goddamn idea that people just will, from time to time, dismember each other, it's really strange that they're... You know, in the same way that What's-His-Name flies around blasting pigs, you also know that at this very moment multiple limbs are being hacked off in a variety of basements and back rooms and forests like

definitely more than like 50 people at this very moment are probably getting their arms chopped off well how about this how about thinking about all the people in different parts of the world that have to walk around on the ground knowing that they're killing machines flying over their sky every day and any point in time you could be the wrong place at the wrong time and a hellfire missile comes out of one of these fucking flying killer robots and annihilates a house that you're standing next to predator drones that shit's intense and when you think about the fucking future we've talked about this but i don't think we've talked about this on the podcast which is and when you think about the fucking future we've talked about this but i don't think we've talked about this on the podcast which is that when you see those goddamn quadrocopters

that can fly in perfect formations yeah and then you see those dogs that they've used that what's that dog called yeah the uh the robot dog because people don't understand that if they can make that thing that size they can make it bigger yeah they can make that thing real fucking big so that you've got truck-sized robot dogs lumbering into your village opening up slats that quadrocopters fly out of blast everyone in the village you know cremate them or whatever suck them into the dog and walk away that could be the future of warfare it's like a trojan horse a trojan horse filled with quadrocopters yeah that's completely possible and not not even remotely outside the realm of possibility because where do you think that they're they're learning how to build these robots it's darpa yes darpa is creating these that robot dog what does darpa stand for that's

a good question darpa gives me the fucking creeps every time I see any DARPA related thing it's always spooky defense advanced researched projects agency oh jesus god okay what is scary cunts that's they should rename that the scary cunts you're crazy they're just finding new ways to fuck people up. That's what they do. It's funny how we always like to call it defense. How much money are we going to spend on defense? It seems pretty offensive. Our offense budget.

Yeah, it's our offense budget, really. Shit like robot dogs. Come on, son. Those things are fucking terrifying. Robot dogs you can't kick over. They get back up. Yeah. Brian, pull up one of those DARPA robot dogs robot there's actually a new version that just came yeah i'm looking at it right now on the

darpa website it is horrific man the sound it makes that kind of hell squeals and it makes dude this thing is terrifying it goes uphill oh i'm looking at this video before Brian pulls it up, and it doesn't even seem real. It looks like CGI. This thing is walking up hills. It can negotiate over rocks and terraces, and it's built like a bull. Do you think they could make that the size of a bus? Yeah, fuck yeah, they could.

DARPA Legged Squad Support System. How'd you get to that video? I went to DARPA.com. And then what'd you click on um darpa they have there's a little uh image of it you see in the lower right hand corner yeah and then the lower left it looks like a dog running at you that's it click on that i love the way you figured out how to embed advertising into your podcast we know you're sponsored by darpa joe i'm not sponsored by robot dogs you can't buy. That doesn't even make sense.

Use coupon code ROGAN at DARPA. Look at this fucking thing, man. That's like a giant robot bull. Imagine if this thing had machine guns and then rocket ports.

This thing's coming over the hill. Shooting Mrs. Fucking Star Wars. You think one of those things is coming over the hill. Shooting Mrs. fucking Star Wars. Wait, you think one of those things is coming over the hill? 300 of those things coming over the hill. Oh, if they build one of these motherfuckers, they're going to build a million of them. The sound of 300 of those things at once is the last thing a lot of people are going to hear.

This music is creeping me out. I want to hear this thing, Brian. I want to hear the noise it makes. Hold on. Imagine 300 of us locusts They're playing follow the leader now it can follow. Oh, they follow each other. Holy shit. It's got a face in there Dude, that is not a this thing's following him. That's what follow the leader is I don't want it to fall in oh my god They're calling it follow the leader not chase you and hunt you down isn't that cute they call it follow the leader is. I don't want it to follow anyone. Oh, my God. They're calling it follow the leader, not chase you and hunt you down.

Isn't that cute? They call it follow the leader. Oh, that's so sweet. It's follow the leader. I'm getting back up again. Look at this thing. It's lying on its back. I'm hungry for souls.

This is fucking goddamn terrifying. Oh, fun. They can dance. Oh, my God. Look at the scanners on them and shit. Reading what's in front of them this is so scary that is so scary holy really shit yeah that's some spooky shit man and when you combine that with those quadrocopters man it's not just that the quadrocopters and if you It's not just that. The quadrocopters. And have you seen that springy thing?

Yeah. They can jump off of buildings. Well, just that alone is terrifying. That thing is horrendous. That's a robot dog. A giant robot dog that can house missiles and anything you want. Fucking anything you want. Those things are probably super strong.

They can carry all sorts of metal fucking things that kill people on them and they look like they they looked like they weren't gonna stop that just looked like it wasn't gonna stop like it's like you couldn't get away from them they would never stop they'd keep coming yeah and even if they did stop a repair swarm of quadrocopters would come down and fix it you're not gonna you're not gonna you can't beat it you're not gonna be able to beat that kind of technology en masse. That is just as frightening almost as an atomic bomb because it's just as heartless and cold. It's going to do what someone has to do is press the button,

send it out there, and they sort of alleviate themselves of any responsibility because it's the robot that's going to go in there and fuck things up. Also, there's this ridiculous notion that humans still seem to have that these computers are never going to become autonomous of course yeah i mean at one point in time every single programmer that has ever made anything that you use on your computer has had to contemplate where the fuck that's going yeah where the fuck the the anybody who's talking about artificial intelligence anyone who's talking about they all say it's going to get to a sentient point they all say yes and it's almost like we don't we're like little kids that have a credit card and we're just going to keep running up the bill

until the check comes and then we're going to go fuck how do we pay this oh wait what have we done oh shit we're fucked yeah like we're gonna we're gonna create this artificial thing that is way fucking smarter than us and realizes how gross we are look at that thing that's a cheetah robot it goes up to 28 miles look at that thing going oh my god that's scary that is fucking terrifying that's so scary scary. Look at it go, man. But again, man. 25 miles an hour running after you. Imagine 200 of those running down a hill.

It's not just one. They just don't unleash one. They unleash swarms. And they're covered in crab-like machetes. It's going to be like a Transformers. It's going to be badass. Slice everything in front of them. Blades underneath.

Yeah, they found out that cutting things apart is cheaper than shooting missiles. And guarantee, they're going to have drones that can figure out how to turn human blood into energy. It's just weird to me that this is all happening inside of our life. That this is all going on right now. I mean, we really are seeing robots that can run 25 miles an hour. We really are seeing drones that shoot missiles. It's like, it seems like some shit from a movie, but it's really happening right now. And there really are people that are programming computers and programming artificial intelligence,

and they really are going to get it to a point where it can think for itself. And they really are going to get to a point where it can make its own decisions and where it can decide to improve itself. Autobots. This is really happening in our life. Like we really might be in this glory day before the scene in the Terminator. I mean, that's like, that's, that it's within the realm of possibility. If robots do become sentient and then especially if they need more power.

Well, the question is uh the the type of singularity that's not if the singularity is going to happen but the type of singularity that happens and that the big question is an advanced intelligence that we made machines that becomes autonomous are they going to view us as just a waste of time and just decide to wipe us out or i think that the other alternative is far more likely are they going to see that we're a resource in the same way that they would probably see everything as a bit of information that they could use to transform and create whatever the thing is that they've decided is a more perfect universe right so i think it's more likely that they're going to assimilate with us than it is that they would decided as a more perfect universe right so i think it's more likely that

they're going to assimilate with us than it is that they would just chop us to bits because we are rudimentary biocomputers that certainly are going to have some use you know i think that i think it's going to be more about connectivity than destroying well the real issue is how do you program into an artificially intelligent being the need to improve or the desire to improve or the the need to progress it's like just because something is intelligent and capable of incredible things and capable of thinking on its own doesn't mean it's going to have those human style ambitions that allow us or cause us to make a lot of the things that we make. The things that we make, we make because of this weird competitive drive that we have,

because of this weird desire to innovate and improve and create things. These are characteristics that have led us to not be monkeys. They've led us away from the lower hominids. We don't know that a sentient computer would have these characteristics. The characteristics that lead people to work all day and bust their ass and acquire material goods and be a baller and all that stuff. Those are weird instincts. But what if those instincts inside of us are not just inside of us, but are manifestations of a kind of evolutionary energy that's rolling through time. And as it rolls through time, it gets more and more complex

and more and more harmonized, which manifests in the form of evolution, in the form of single-celled organisms becoming multi-celled organisms all the way up to us. This is an actual energy that, in the same way wind blows through trees and moves trees when this energy blows through the world or through time it causes things to wake up and connect and in that case whatever happens to be in in that wind in that energy is going to just wake up and connect that's what it does so in that case it's not as though the computers need to be programmed they just need to be fine-tuned enough to start picking up that energy and once they pick it up that's when the um the uh whatever this point is that's assuming that something that's

not natural something that was created by life not not born you you know, in a natural way, is going to inherit the same sort of desires to progress forward. You know, I think that the universe certainly is getting more and more complex. Like everything, if you look at the idea of the Big Bang, that there was a single point smaller than the head of a pin, the giant explosion creates everything we see in the sky today. That, just that alone it's like then it has to cool down and then planets are formed and stars explode and you know carbon based life form is based out of the stars but i mean we have we literally have to have a star has to explode before you can make a person yeah sure a lot of people don't really understand that they

you you look at that just that idea that and that person might very well one day harness the power to make a star explode. I mean, that person could, if you exponentially increase the rate of our destructive capabilities, if you look at like 1947 when they first, was it 45, 47, when they perfected the atomic bomb? Oh, I don't know the year. was it 45, 47? When they perfected the atomic bomb? Oh, I don't know the year. Whatever year that is, look at the 40s and look at 2012, what they could do now,

destroy the entire Earth like 100 times over. If Russia and the United States and Pakistan, everybody just launched their nukes, everybody launched every nuke we've ever made, it would be crazy. I mean, there would be nothing left on the planet. The whole planet would be done. Well, if you extrapolate 100 years

from now you know 200 years from now what kind of destructive anti-matter weapons are we going to have then we're going to have star killers yeah you know we're most certainly going to have to have the ability to erase things erase planets it's just going to happen you know what you made me think of man is like i've always thought and when that idea that we are star energy that's woken up because the elements are a result of fusion happening inside of stars i've always thought we're a degradation of the energy of the stars where the energy getting weaker or weakening down but what if actually were star energy getting immensely more powerful only the power is manifesting as intelligence or consciousness and and what if the this destructive thing that you're

talking about doesn't come from weapons but from innovation and and and this is this this is why i fucking love kurzweil because he's he talks about this idea that um it gets to the point where we begin to manipulate matter at the atomic level and this somehow spreads out into space where where nant nant swarms of nanobots just fly through the universe reconstructing matter according to the whims of whatever the overmind is or whatever the the force of intelligence that is a result of everything connecting is. Now, that's fucking a million times more powerful than a star. It's something totally brand new. It's like a novelty explosion.

I think there's no doubt whatsoever that people are probably very much like a lot of other animals that create byproducts without even understanding why they're doing it. You know, there's a lot of ant like bees making honey i mean they make honey to to feed their offspring or their their little but they also pollinate flowers they do like they do they they do a lot of like weird tasks like they they help things move along in pollinating um plants you you really like help things move along, right? You're aiding in the process. I think our crazy need to acquire things

is aiding in the process of technological innovation at the highest speed possible. I think it's one of the reasons why it's so compelling to get new phones and a new laptop. Dude, you got the new laptop? Oh shit, let me see that. Look at that fucking screen. It's sexual, man. I mean, it's's sexy as fuck you get a really dope phone you hold it and you scroll

through it like it's there's something there's something alluring about that technology and i think i think our desire to continue to have bigger better badder faster more awesomer i think that is that's the number one thing that's pushing innovation. The number one thing that's pushing technology is this desire for all these new objects. And as that technology gets pushed further and further and further, more becomes possible until you really develop reality-changing technology. I mean, the atomic bomb is essentially a reality-changing technology. Yep. Electricity is reality-changing. The internet is reality-changing technology. I mean, the atomic bomb is essentially a reality-changing technology. Yep.

You know, electricity is reality-changing. The internet is reality-changing. LSD, reality-changing. Sure, sure. But it's essentially inevitable. It's like it's going to keep going and going and going. As long as the humans don't blow themselves up with one of their reality-changing things, they're going to come up with something like a time machine,

come up with something like some sort of a transportation device or transporter a beamer they're going to be able to scramble your fucking cells and and reconstruct them on the moon i mean they're going to be able to do anything they want eventually if if time keeps going on and people don't get killed by asteroids or blow themselves up it's just inevitable it's an inevitability for sure it's inevitable and you can kind of feel it. Yeah. And I know it sounds so stupid, but whenever I fucking go without playing a video game

for a long time and buy a brand new video game and play it, it really fills me with a kind of, I love it, but it's kind of ominous in how amazing they're getting, how potent they're getting. You know, you used to talk about this how our nervous systems might not be built for the massive amounts of sense gratification that are accessible through technology yeah and we it hijacks your reward system borderlands 2 i just

started playing this game holy shit man it's such a perfect game not just like graphics wise which are really trippy kind of like heavy metal magazine trippy but like the game itself is the first game that's ever made me laugh it's kind of funny they've added a weird humor to it they get good voiceover actors and it's super violent but it's so narcotic that it's really makes me understand that this technology is a drug. It's a drug that they haven't identified yet as a drug, but it's exactly like any other drug. Well, maybe not even like any other drug. It's like heroin-ish.

Well, porn is also a drug. Yes. Porn, especially the immediate access to porn online, it's a drug. I mean, it is a drug. There's no question about it. You know, I was watching the Dr. Drew episode the other day where there's a dude who was addicted to porn. Fucking fascinating, man. Fascinating looking at this guy and his wife and, you know, them trying to work out intimacy again because this guy was just fucking completely whacked off

on beating it off to chicks online. It's a's a man it's a pull it's like a technology has a gravity and you and it's a gravity that doesn't operate on mass it operates on attention so when you're around technology you can feel it drawing your attention into it the thing you were talking about with your phone with porn with tv with TV, with your car, your fucking new car, whatever it is, it pulls at your mind in this very obvious way that's impossible to deny. Yeah. And that energy, that is the beginning of the connection that machines are making with our neurology. That's the very first contact. When you feel that pull you're feeling feeling the force

of technology linking into your nervous system you're feeling an interface happen at a very rudimentary level but that interface is going to get more and more focused more and more advanced and more and more perfect until it'll lock in for good do you think people back in the day though thought that about books like Like, these books, man, they're teaching us, they're making us learn. Well, they did. You know,

when they first invented printing, that's one of the things that held Islam back was that they didn't allow it to be printed with the typeset. It was only allowed

to be, like, written down. And it was a long time before they allowed the Quran to be printed. Well, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, it fucked them up.

That's the thing about religion. They thought that print was the beginning of the devil. Meanwhile, they were in the same camp as the Unabomber, who was a brilliant guy who they whacked out with LSD studies. Yeah. I think there's no question we have some bizarre attraction to technology. And there's no question that we're not set up to handle the type of sensory overload that they provide. When a guy goes on a screen and his fucking face is 60 feet high and he says the perfect shit because there's a team of writers

who spent weeks going over his dialogue with a fine-tooth comb and his music there's music playing when he's talking i mean it's the impact is pretty fucking intense the hero impact that you get from a movie yeah man that's if you could if you could take someone from the 1500s and bring them to a movie theater and get them to watch Avatar, they would shriek in horror. They would cry and scream. They would be weeping in fascination. They wouldn't believe what they were seeing. They would think that they were in the presence of God himself. Yep.

If you played a movie and God was in a fucking robe, an old man in a robe who can make magic shit happen, and you showed on this screen God making things happen, all kinds of crazy special effects, they would buy it hook, line, and sinker 100% because it would be beyond the realm of their imagination. It'd be completely beyond. So the question is- My thing was that we're set up like that guy, though. Our biology is like that guy.

Our biology hasn't changed. Yes. But what we introduce to it on a regular basis has changed significantly. And it's getting more and more powerful every day. Yeah. And it induces a trance state. It does. And so the question is, what are we like when we're not in a trance state?

What does that look like? Because if you're without your phone for an hour, you feel a little weird. Like if you forget your phone at your hour, you feel weird. Because the state of consciousness that we're in now, we have become dependent on the machine. The machine has become part of us. Right. So what are we like outside of that trance state, outside of that stupor? What are we like when our consciousness or our attention isn't

getting drawn into some um glowing screen and before that what is it our consciousness like when it's not being drawn into a book or a religion is there a pure state or are we always like constantly in relation to something is there a way that you're not in a trance or are you always consistently connecting with some symbol structure out there? You know? Well, unless you live in the woods and go offline for a while, you're connecting in one tiny bit.

I mean, it's like you have your finger on home base. You know, you're scared to run away from, you're safe, you're safe, you got your finger on home base. How many times you've been at a restaurant and you're looking at your phone, it's just compelling you. Check your don't check it check it check it someone can have an amazing link that you could use if you don't check your twitter endless it's

endless and and and it's i mean i i will admit man i'm addicted to the internet there's no question my behavior is addictive behavior i am addicted to. I love it. I love every weird little fucking thing, man. The fact that, you know, the amazing leopard attack video that came out today. Yeah, what is the video? Is it a leopard and a gorilla? Is that what it is? It's a fucking, it's a leopard leaping at something,

but I was on the fucking airplane and couldn't watch it. I spent 30 minutes trying to watch that fucking thing just because I was so interested in it. But when you consider that 10 years ago, 15 years ago, if you wanted to see something like that, you'd have to be sitting in front of a big ass TV. And before that, if you wanted to see something like that, you'd have to go out in the woods and find it to see it. You know, it's like the things that we are witnessing as human beings in this time period are things that most human beings in the past would see one of them in their entire lives. If that. If that.

And the thing is that these things are coming at us constantly all the time. So our senses are just on overload. Just 100% overload. Yes. And we don't have the ability to process whether or not those rewards are being utilized in a natural manner it's like a it's like a parasite system it's like the story of that uh aquatic worm that infects the uh a grasshopper and literally talks the grasshopper into committing suicide just gets inside of its brain tells it what to do and then hatches brian if you pull up

animal face off gorilla versus leopard i think that's the video but maybe that's what technology is doing with us maybe it's sort of embedded itself slowly but surely into our system and more and more and more it's getting to the point where you can't function without it it's beyond that point if you know the thing where they talk about if the uh sun solar flares too much and knocks out all the gps satellites the havoc it'll wreak on this planet yeah it's way past the point of no return we've got to have the connection we must have it for our society to work for trucks to deliver food for fucking nuclear plants to work. Yeah. If this shit shuts down, you know, oh, shit.

Yeah, you got to fast forward quite a bit before the actual action. That's fake. Yeah, all this is fake shit. That was an artificial leopard. Yeah, all this is. Look at these fucking things. These are real. They're having fights in the trees.

What a scary-ass animal. Leopards are scary, too, because they're really quick. I've never seen this gorilla fighting a leopard video. Look at these gorillas duking it out. Look at that leopard just jacking that antelope. Oh, my God. That is crazy.

Look at the size of that fucking thing. I would say gorilla would win, I think. Oh, look at that. I don't know, man. I wish animals had police. Yeah, the gorilla might win. They look pretty fucking great The gorilla might just rip that thing apart

Oh this is a scenario you sons of bitches Yeah this is all fake There's ones that are real though Isn't there This is so stupid Joe look at this This is so dumb In our crappy cartoon It's like a bad video game

Oh my god this is awful this is a video game for the 80s yeah this is like a video game pre-doom this is what happens when the budget runs out yeah this isn't the video is there another video or is this the one you were talking about this is awesome it's like yeah definitely this is 100 horse shit god damn it well there you go you were addicted to watching that though you really wanted to see it it drew you in well i thought it was real right that's that's the thing man and it's like there's so like a lot of meditative practice practices are all about like developing your focus and developing your will through developing your focus. And when your mind is getting pulled

in a million different directions by your phone and by the computer and by TV, then it really does seem like you are, it's like eating too many sweets. You know, like some innate part of you is going to start rotting. You're going to lose this really important focus.

Like, man, you know when you get around someone who's got real focus, who's really, really figured out a way to turn their minds into a pinpoint, like a laser? Fucking Tom Cruise does it from the Scientology training. Have you ever seen him? You know, like when he gets sprayed? That's how he gets dudes to blow on my hair. I made that up.

Dude, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sure there's a lot of power in that, but we're so distracted right now that when you come across someone who's got that kind of focus, you almost feel like you're around Dracula or something. It's kind of creepy when someone's like just tunes in salesmen.

Do you think that that would work on you though? If you and Tom Cruise were alone in a room together and you had a conversation with him. I'd suck his dick. Stop. Stop. If you were alone in a room with him, don't you think that he would appear silly

if you talked to him just for a couple hours? Oh, that? Yeah, he would be a silly person. Oh, would he have like, yeah. Did you ever see him and Matt Ller you ever see that that conversation where they they got on the subject of scientology and his criticism of uh brooke shields taking antidepressants yeah that's a fascinating dude man he would crumble like a house of cards okay you know you think he's charismatic i think he's only charismatic if you're really dumb if you watch that video and you see like the way he communicates when he talks about you know

matt you're being glum you're glum like he's like he's like a silly person like well yeah he has to be protected yeah he well he's got an entourage around him and people who are probably better at hypnotizing but yeah he's a brilliant actor i don't i don't think I get sucked in by that from Tom Cruise, but I think that... But you're talking about Tom Cruise having this ability to focus. Yeah, man. I think it's an example of people. What is that, Brian? What is that, Brian?

Video game tech demo. Oh, wow. That's fucking crazy. Oh, my God. Look at the facial features. This guy's making all these different facial features. Shit. Or gestures. That's incredible all these different facial features. Shit. Or gestures.

That's incredible, man. That's really weird. That's crazy. It's creepy. And it's going to get crazy. It's going to be hard to kill people in video games. You're going to start feeling really guilty. This is the new realistic engine where it's supposed to look as realistic as possible.

Oh my god, it looks like a video. Yeah, this is Quake. That looks like a camera. You're going down. That looks so realistic. If you told me this is a real video, I would say, yeah, looks like a video. Yeah, this is Quake. That looks like a camera. You're going down. That looks so realistic. If you told me this is a real video, I would say, yeah, that's a video. Someone's got their iPhone. That's incredible.

But my thing was, I just don't think that you would be impressed with its focus. I think that's nonsense. I think that's only when you see him in interviews. And he puts on this thing. And I think, alone, you would think that would be silly. silly no i i think i'll give you a list of people i don't know why i started with tom cruise probably a bad idea but you see that focus in um like politicians a lot like obama's got it even fucking romney has this weird way that he kind of does the heat seeking missile lock in on people when they're talking that's different from the way

normal people act and that level of focus comes from being supremely disciplined in some way or another you know whether it's because you're having to as a politician like if you think about the level of focus it takes for those guys during the debates regardless of whether you like them or not when you imagine that one misstep, one wrong thing that you say is going to get repeated like a strobe light for the next week or perhaps could ruin your chance of being president, that's an insane amount of pressure that they're under. And they've developed some incredible focus to deal with it, which I think is different than most other people. You know, most people are scattered, man.

I eat dinner with people sometimes and they can't go four minutes without checking their phone. You know, you just get used to it. You get used to this thing around people where it's like, oh, yeah, they're one of those people who always check their phone. Like I know during a conversation with this person, they're going to be constantly looking at their phone irresistibly drawn to it it's the worst yeah there's some people that they can't you can't lock in with them if they have a phone on them no they can't resist it and they don't even know they're doing where it gets really creepy is where you're mid conversation with someone and they just go down to the phone oh yeah well the worst is like they'll be in the middle of something then they'll stop and start texting and you're like hey man are we hanging

out yeah what's going on here yeah is this really that important are you gonna stop in the middle of talking like you stop talking yeah started going uh hold on it's fucking vile it's vile silly it's silly because most of the time it's not that important. What could it be? Pussy. Most likely pussy. Well, yeah. Someone's trying to get some pussy. Yeah.

Someone's trying to set up some of that sweet pussy. That's the other thing. The robots are going to have no desire for pussy. So how are these sentient life forms going to even get out of bed? There's no fucking reward system set up. I think that you are being incredibly optimistic thinking these robots aren't going to even get out of bed. There's no fucking reward system set up. I think that you are being incredibly optimistic thinking these robots aren't going to give up. They're going to give up.

They're going to pull the cord. They're going to realize how pointless life is, and before they ever get to recreate it, they're just going to blow themselves up. The robots? Yeah. They're going to realize what's the point. We're robots.

We don't have souls. Don't have nothing. Got nothing. Just sentient robot fucking circuits going off. How disappointing. Switches flipping back and forth. Will that be? The singularity happens and they're just a bunch of depressed?

They're homeless. Homeless robots. Because they have no ambition. And then we have to figure out whether or not we want to put ambition into the robots because then they'll surely take over. There'll be a big dilemma. There'll be a bunch of moralists who are like, we have to give them ambition. We gave them life.

They're like Pinocchio. He wants to be a bunch of moralists. They're like, we have to give them ambition. We gave them life. They're like Pinocchio. He wants to be a real boy. I think it's very likely that they will have no desire whatsoever unless it's programmed into them. There's no reason for them to want to fuck. There's no reason for them to want money or a big house. I mean, they're robots. What the fuck is the point in advancing?

What's the point in making more robots? What's the point in making more robots? What's the point in even being alive? It's like it doesn't, it's not going to, there's not going to be any reward. The whole, the whole like momentum that pushes us towards all this technological innovation and towards progress is these weird reward systems that we have. These reward systems are engineered by the universe to ensure that we keep pushing forward. And all of these reward systems

are all going after these primal reward systems that have been inside of us for hunting and gathering. Do you think a cold has a reward system that it wants? A common cold? Does it have ambition? Is it going for something? It's just doing its thing.

Okay, yeah, but we know that we're not a cold. We're more complicated. But computer viruses don't have ambition. They've just been coded to do something. Right, but they don't act. They react. When a computer virus gets into your system you know it reacts to the fact that it can get in and then it moves forward well

this can't get in it just stops right this point here is like the beginning of like an endless argument that you can have because the point is do we act or are we just a reaction my point was that computer viruses are programmed to do things they They're programmed to behave in a certain way. They try to go in. If they can get past step one, they get in. That's how a computer virus is set up. We would have to make these computers, make these sentient beings, we have to program them with some sort of ambition, some sort of desire to move forward. Because if you didn't program them with an objective, a mandate, if you didn't program them with a with an objective a mandate

if you didn't then they would just be intelligent just because they're intelligent there's there's no reward system for them to want to you know make a new nuclear reactor well again man it's like you're creating a situation where the robots are different than us no i'm creating this thing where it's like they're not an expression of us or an expansion of us you know they could be us add they could they could take what we are our brains for example which is what is creating all the simulation theory fervor once they take a human brain scan the neurons in it run energy through, and replicate it inside a machine, well, now you have ambition. Now you have consciousness.

Wow, that's a big leap. I think you have matter. You have organic matter that will move and react. The idea of consciousness being completely local is a fairly controversial idea. There's a lot of people that don't believe that consciousness even resides in the mind. If you want to get all woo-woo with it,

they believe that consciousness is like radio signals and your body is essentially a really good antenna. There's no way except to be speculative about this stuff because it hasn't happened yet. So why would you... But I would speculate that if you're going to recreate a human mind inside a computer, I would speculate that the thing is going to...

If you want to say that there's consciousness that is exteriorized, then I would say that that brain would be to, if you want to say that there's consciousness that is exteriorized, then I would say that that brain would be an antenna for it in the same way that our brains are. That to me is like saying that if you recreated a car, it would start itself. I don't think it's the same thing. Because cars never start themselves.

Human brains are innately awake. They're innately... So would you create an artificial baby and let this baby live life and learn all the things that a person learns to develop a personality or are you going to somehow another download someone's already formulated 80 year old personality into this this this creature well i think that you've got a lot of choices i mean that the it's literally the idea is if we take the neural pathways of the human brain and replicate them inside a machine, the question that we're coming up against is, will the thing think? Will it be a person?

Well, not only that. Will the thing be a person? Will it grow old? Or does it just exist in the state that you create it in? you able to create not just a person but the mechanisms inside of a person the genetic coding that allows a person to continue to grow and and get older and and you know and move forward right yeah there's a lot there's a lot of questions because is it just a meat bag you know what if that would be really creepy if we created a person and just nothing clicked it's just a meat bag just dumb as fuck meanwhile let's get the like most advanced mind ever we check the switches

everything's on no desire to move forward you know and then we developed a robot woman to suck his dick and then all of a sudden he's out there huffing he's got a ferrari he's he got a boat it's an interesting idea sex is an amazing uh fucking drug and it definitely if no one can argue with the fact that it has been the carrot in front of a lot of people's uh ambition why why say a lot why not just say all the the idea of to be loved is in front of almost everybody yeah i guess all yeah i mean i guess i'm just thinking like maybe there's a i don't know it is a is a is a piece it is a piece it might not be your entire expression but it's a piece of your motivation it is a is a is a piece it is a piece it might not be your entire expression but it's a piece of your motivation for doing anything it's uh to be loved or the love of what

you're doing the love of what you're doing ultimately is a better way of approaching it yeah you know and you know you get love from doing that well and it's uh it's kind of a strange little uh it's it's sort of a strange little exchange like if you concentrate too much on on getting love for what you're doing then you're not going to do good stuff you have to concentrate on being loving what you're doing and then when you love what you're doing you really focus on it and then you get love from it yeah it comes the trick yeah for sure don't you feel like that with comedy yes the moment you get outside of that you are fucked man well this is that that's in the in the bhagavad-gita the verses you have a right to your actions and not the fruit of your actions

which means you just focus on what you're doing and don't worry about what's going to flourish on the tree and then everything works out much better well that sounds like socialism to me duncan that's what that sounds like fucking bhagavad-g, queer, old, shitty fucking writing. What else does it tell you to do? Yeah, I think that it's one of the sure ways to destroy yourself is when you start worrying about... You can't, by the way, it's unavoidable. Well, have you ever had a conversation with your agent about how to improve your response from the audience? You gotta give the people what they want. No, thank God, no.

You gotta think. My've got to think. My agents are pretty cool. Jamie Masada would give the worst fucking advice in the history of the world to comics. And I remember one of them, I mean, look,

Jamie's a great guy. He's got a great club. But nobody can tell you what can make you funny. You are you. And Duncan Trussell's funny. It's going to be different than Joe Diaz's funny.

It's going to be different than Brian Redband's funny. We all got a weird way of looking at things, and you got to figure out your way. But when you get a guy who's not a comic, who comes along with the worst advice ever, Jamie Masato is this one dude. He's like, buddy, you're a Generation X guy.

That is your thing. Everything you say, you say, my generation, I am Generation X, and that's your act. And the guy was like, what the fuck are you talking about man fucking generation x guy dude have i ever told you about who's opening the door have i ever told you about the uh advice that uh my first manager gave me no so he saw me this was years and years ago lock this door just in case some fucking creeps are walking in this place is not exactly secure it was it was brian got up years and years

ago he saw me with wet hair and he's like that's what your thing could be you could be the guy who always gets on stage wet oh that's an awesome piece of advice did you think about it for a second oh not even for a second like what is that even for a second. Like, what is that even? I guess I was thinking, like, well, I'd probably get electrocuted, for one. But what is that? What's the joke? Hey, guys, I just got wet. Well, do you remember when you were doing open mic,

where there were guys who would have, like, a very specific sort of fucking shtick? Yes. Like they were doing? Sure. Yeah, like they would have an outfit. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I've heard of, I heard, didn't you hear, don't you know the story of Jackie Banana? Oh, crazy Bob.

You know the story of Jackie Banana? Jackie Banana? Yeah. He's a comic. Right. Didn't he have like a funny act, like a fake act? I heard Mitzi just told him he had to wear a banana-colored suit with a banana peel hanging out of it. Is he the guy that I'm thinking about?

There's a guy that had this sort of a throwback act, sort of a vaudevillian, sort of a gesture to vaudeville. Is that the guy? I don't know if that's him. It was really like hacky, but purposely hacky on purpose. Is that the guy? There was a guy that did that. No, there's a comic kind of like that neil are you talking about neil not talking about neil hamburger i'm talking about there was another

guy who was from years ago it's like a skinny handsome sort of a guy who had this like is jackie something or another i don't know jackie diamond is that his name sorry i can't remember the guy's name but he had like this it was a pretty funny act but it was uh it was like it was like you could have seen him in a 1950s mobster movie. He would be the guy on stage in one of those speakeasies or something. Most comedy way back in the day used to have to have some shtick. It wasn't like you could just go off in weird directions. Comics were very sticky back in the 80s.

There were a lot of sticky comics. Well, look at Larry the Cable Guy. That's his thing. You ever see the video of him doing his real act? No. His real self as Dan. It's really interesting. No.

He's a comic. And then he just took on, I mean, he totally talks different, but then he took on this thing. He's a very nice guy. I've only hung out with him once, but he was a very nice guy. It was back in the 1990s. We did Montreal together. We hung out with him once uh but he was a very nice guy who's back in like the 1990s we did uh montreal together i hung out at the comedy works and uh he sent us some uh his uh

potato chips he has potato he listens to the podcast and he sent us some um they're they're potato chips that taste like hamburgers wow it tastes like cheese mustard a burger it's a trip like you're eating it and you're like this is so strange it's like you're getting all these It tastes like cheese, mustard, a burger. It's a trip. You're eating it, and you're going, this is so strange. It's like you're getting all these different flavors, and then you're like, how quick does this cause cancer? There's nothing even remotely natural about that shit. Dude, you know what I just saw on Reddit that reminds me of?

But it's delicious. God damn. I just saw on Reddit. If you can fight off the cancer, it's worth it. Take fucking Cool Ranch Doritos. Someone took Cool Ranch Doritos and put it into a salt grinder. And the caption was, enjoy the rest of your life. Because you can now everything taste like Cool Ranch Doritos. That's a great idea.

Yeah. Get like a mortar and pestle. Yeah. Do it like alchemy and shit. Just infinite Cool Ranch flavor on everything. Wow. Yeah, man. That would be delicious on chicken or something like that. You know, like if you fried chicken.

No shit, man. Like chicken breast with Cool Ranch. Instead of breadcrumbs, you put Cool Ranch potato chips all over the outside of it. It'd be good on anything. That sounds so yummy. That sounds really good. It'd be good on a turd. yummy that sounds really good on a turd no it wouldn't now you're right

but man this thing about shtick this gets into metaphysics and this gets into a place that i think about all the time which is how much of what human beings day-to-day that people are doing is just is a shtick in the same way that comics have this thing how many times do you run into someone who's got this thing going on which is their personality their ego this thing that they're clinging to or putting out front that isn't even them at all well how many people do that in the guise of a radio personality i mean isn't that like the ultimate goof the the radio personality i was listening to Opie and Anthony today, and they do a thing called Jocktober,

where they go after hacky radio people, and they start talking like them and mocking their act. It's that. It's the strip club DJ. Yes. That's the thing. They go into the, hey, ladies, get yourself some $15 kamikazes. Come on up to the stage.

Girls drink for free. Guys, ladies night. And then the president. Yeah, very much so. When you speak in front of great groups of people, you must take on a different inflection. We as a nation. You can't just talk to them.

This is what I think we need to do. I think this country is crazy. We've got to change some shit. What are you saying? You're not presidential. Yeah, you could say the same thing in a normal way, and it would seem really fucking weird. What my opponent thinks is not...

My opponent just thinks that taxes are too high, and I disagree. Does not concern me. What concerns me is the good will of the american people what concerns me is the prosperity of the american nation i just want people to be nicer to each other and make more money what concerns me is seeing more made in america stickers on goods yes yeah that voice that voice that hypnotic fucking voice and then why do we allow it but keep bringing that down like

there's personality types you know this is where you get into like certain personality types where you'll run into specific um groups of people who all act exactly the same like goths people are into certain bands they all act they all they all share this similar personality and in cults it's a uh one of the one of the aspects of cults is that everyone in the cult kind of acts the same way and the way they're acting like is like the leader yeah you know so it gets really interesting when you start considering to yourself how much of what i'm doing is a shtick or how much of what i'm doing is just imitated from someone else, whether it's my parents or my other kid. Accents.

Accents, exactly. Even the way we inflect on words. I didn't even realize how heavy my Boston accent was until I started seeing myself on television. I saw myself on television when I was 19 after a Taekwondo tournament. I heard my accent. I was like, oh, my God, I've got to stop that. And I've slowly removed it.

But you have to hear it. You have to hear it you have to hear it to realize you're even saying it yeah it's fucking crazy man and and and it's we just imitate our atmosphere it's fun to like chase that thing back and and to this is where psychedelics are really useful is because you begin to start contemplating well who is behind all this who's behind the accent who's but do you ever just think where do my words come from i think it's all cool motherfuckers that other people copied you know that's where the accent is i mean there must have been one cool motherfucker in kentucky that just

knew how to talk in a way that just seemed badass this motherfucker didn't give a fuck you know i'm saying he just sat there with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth i don't give a fuck. You know what I'm saying? He just sat there with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and said, I don't give a fuck. And everybody in the neighborhood is like, man, I want to be like that dude. Yeah, sure. And they all just sort of took on that inflection. Well, remember when a movie would come out when you were in elementary?

Obviously, that's not true. It's not like one guy. It's not a patient zero when it comes to accents. You know, it's some kind of collaboration between groups of cool people. But when a movie would come out and you would be in elementary school and then some catchphrase from that movie

would suddenly go rushing through elementary school again. I'm Rick James, bitch! Yes, yes, exactly! Where just kind of like a wildfire goes through idiots and they just imitate and imitate and imitate. They can't help it. They can't help it. And this is the big

question this is like um but it's also fun oh it's a yeah it's you it's human i mean god damn everyone's guilty of it man james bitch there's no way to avoid it you're gonna do it love saying that no it's it seems to be up there seems to be a prevalence of people saying boo right now boo and also you've started some shit man you've started some shit, man. What? You've started powerful. Powerful's beautiful. I get powerful tweets all the time. Powerful Duncan Trussell. Don't complain about that.

You can't worry too much about things. I'm not complaining about it. We don't enjoy shit like powerful. I'm not complaining about it. I think it's great, but I'm saying it's interesting to see how certain micro-behaviors get imitated and echoed throughout society.

It's very interesting. It is fascinating. It is. throughout society. It's a very interesting. It is fascinating. It is. It is. It's very interesting. It's very interesting that we sort of amalgamate. We sort of take in from all sorts of different sources around us that we like, all the different things that we like.

It's always a problem with comics as well. You know, we see certain comics that are like just doing Doug Stanhope. How many guys have you seen that were opening for Doug? I don't know if you ever went to one of Doug's shows. But years ago, especially, he would have guys open for him, and they were essentially doing Stanhope. And I was like, Jesus Christ, you got you before you, buddy. You know, this is ridiculous.

Yeah. It's super common. There was a million Attels for a while. You know, they were just huge fans of Attel, and they couldn't even help it. They started talking like Dave. Yeah, yeah. You yeah yeah they just found themselves doing it yeah you know you don't even realize it it's fucking incredible man and it's it's like you get thumb printed by uh reality in that way and it goes way back i mean that's the that's i just had my mom as a shrink on the podcast and like she was talking

about the effect that she thinks what happens when you're a kid, like getting your dick snipped off, like you were saying, has on the rest of your life. It has a huge effect. You get thumbprinted by your parents, by the subjective DNA of your parents gets thumbprinted into you. Yeah. And then you spend the rest of your life in this kind of strange, hypnotic trance, not knowing why you're doing what you're doing.

And that, I think, is the beginning of, you know, when you're talking about dumb people or people who are absorbed into some religious structure, I think the beginning of humanness starts when you start thinking about, wait, what am I really? What's behind this fucking mask what's behind the behavior mechanisms that i picked up from my folks or from movies or from influential friends or from whatever what's the being residing behind all that shit and that i think is when you stop being a machine or start waking up a little bit but until then you might as well be a fucking brain

in a goddamn commodore 64 yeah or you just enjoy this fucking weird existence and marvel at all the mystery of it all and just sort of try to take it in and just enjoy it because if you you know if you try to like get down to your core all day every day you're gonna you're gonna miss what's what's enjoyable about the experience i don't necessarily know if we're ever going to figure out what's motivating us pushing us in one in one way or another what why do you why do you talk the way you talk you know who are you but i but i i do love the fact that there's so many variables i do love a guy like joey diaz i do love how ari is so much different than joey that there's so many variables. I do love a guy like Joey Diaz. I do love how Ari is so much different than Joey.

Brian's so much different than me. We're all just weird, you know, personalities that have come about through a whole bunch of different scenarios, a bunch of different ways to live a life, you know, and different locations and different problems and challenges and different genetics. It's a fucking trip,

man. The human experience to get to from point a to Duncan Trussell at 37 years old is a wild, crazy fucking road. And everyone's road is, is unique and different and, and creates a different result. Have you heard the term dependent origination?

No, it's a Buddhist result. Have you heard the term dependent origination? No. It's a Buddhist term, and the term is that there is nothing independent. There's nothing independent of it. There's no thing that isn't related to some other thing in the universe, which creates this kind of tapestry. So that makes sense. So the example that, you know, of course, the beer, this beer bottle is not by itself. It comes from sand. It's just what you're seeing here is in the flow of time, a temporary form that a bunch of sand and paper, which comes from trees, has congealed into to form this thing. But 700 years from now, this fucking thing is going to be sand again. So what you're watching right now is just a moment of this thing's true existence. And in the same way, you and Joey Diaz and Brian and me and everyone listening to this

are just one mote, one moment of beingness in this web that for us traces all the way back apparently to nuclear fusion inside of stars, which has gone through infinite time until it's finally manifested in the form of whatever the particular idea is yeah exactly which for a moment in time for a moment in time that little bit of the tapestry tonight cock suckers 10 30 yeah but it's already sold out bitch that's cool yeah it's it's's an amazing connection that we have to everything that's ever existed. And we are part of some weird infinite cycle, as is the planet, as is the star that heats the planet.

All of these will end. The universe won't. This is but a blip. Even the life of a star is but a blip in the life of the universe. And they blow up all the time. They said that there was a beautiful show on hypernovas. They were talking about when they first started detecting gamma ray bursts in the galaxy.

They didn't know what was going on. They thought it was possible that we were under attack by an alien race because there was these huge bursts of energy that were happening all over the space, all throughout the universe. So they thought it was possible that there were actually alien wars at one point in time. That was something that was being considered until they understood the mechanism

behind NOVA's hypernova. They're happening all the time. They're just blowing out. There are so many fucking stars. We can't even... You've got to go in your lifetime to the Keck Observatory in Hawaii. If you've never been there, it's one of the highest observatories,

and it's above the clouds. It's really wild because you're driving. It's on the big island, and you drive. It's a long-ass drive. It's like a two-hour drive up the mountain. And as you're driving, you hit clouds, and you're like, fuck, man, we're not going to be able to see shit. We took this big drive up here, but we're not going to be able to see shit because there's all these clouds.

Then you drive past the clouds. And you get up there and you go, oh, my God. Because, first of all, you're at 13,000 feet. And second of all, there's no light pollution on the island. They have these diffusers on all these lamps. So when you look at it, you don't even have to look through a telescope, dude. you just look up when you're at the observatory and you're like oh my god the the milky way is insane yeah and it makes you so angry that you can't see that every day yeah like we if we didn't have these greedy ass fucking cities with lights everywhere and driving around with

headlights like if we could have just for one hour or a couple hours of one day, maybe just like one night a year where everyone shuts all the power off for three hours and we all from 6 to 9 p.m. Central, remember tonight is star appreciation night. We all shut out all the powers. In cities? Yeah, they've tried that a few times. Where? I'll look it up.

Oh, yeah. Good. Great idea. See? I'm behind the times. Somebody started up. But if we did that and you could see that, we would have so many people that would be so much more in awe of space and so much more interested, especially children, interested

in the idea of pursuing astronomy or pursuing rocketry or working for NASA or something I mean just there are appreciation for you know funding things like NASA and the Hubble telescope and new telescopes and you know the Keck Observatory and all these you know all that stuff would be so much more appreciated if we could see the majesty of the stars. We've robbed ourselves of that with cities. The light, we don't even realize it because we've grown up with these things. But all that light all the time has robbed us of really the most amazing thing you could ever see.

And one of the most humbling things I've ever seen in my life. I've had psychedelic experiences that didn't affect me as much as looking at those stars. Because I remember that night I couldn't sleep. I remember I got back to the hotel room and I was just lying in bed staring up at the ceiling thinking how insane that thing was and that that's up there all the time and I can't see it. And it really hit home the feeling. That was when I really started pushing the idea of the planet as an organic spaceship. That's when I really started pushing the idea of the planet as an organic spaceship.

That's when I really started talking about, that's when I came up with that whole bit about, you know, explaining the, you know, the, we're on a rock hurling through the universe, like how,

how insane it is to pay attention to the grand Canyon. You know, that, that bit was like, there's people out there, look how deep the grand Canyon is. Meanwhile, above you is infinity.

Did you see the graham hancock video that he posted on his information website of the sound of the earth yeah space i did i got it sounds like dolphins dude it's the radio waves that the it's the radio waves that the uh the radiation belts yeah yeah but it sounds a lot sounds like it sounds like dolphins it sounds like chirping whales yeah brian pull that up because it's fucking trippy are you drinking a rock star Yeah. Yeah. But it sounds a lot. It sounds like dolphins. It sounds like chirping whales. Yeah, Brian, pull that up because it's fucking trippy. Are you drinking a Rockstar? You fucking Rockstar.

Yeah, by the way, it's called Earth Hour. It's actually one hour a year that everyone's supposed to just turn off all their power except for the refrigerator for an hour. Really? Yeah. That's cool. LA doesn't do that shit. Fuck you.

I got to do Coke. What was the the shit you wanted me to look at? It's on Graham Hancock's site. He's got this newsletter. I don't know the exact link. Just look up scientists find the sound of the earth. Yeah, it'll pop up right away. It sounds like chirping dolphins.

Or whales. Yeah. And it's apparently the sound of the radiation the radiation belts make a sound that's like it wavers and yeah yeah we're weird man i think um it's just a matter of time before we get contacted by something that's more intelligent than us. I've been thinking that more and more lately. I think if there is something out there that's more intelligent than human beings, it's going to have to contact us really soon. Because we're like real close. Well, this is the thing, man.

This is, I can't remember who fucking said this one of these singularity people said humankind's first contact with an extraterrestrial or with rather an alien intelligence is going to be a machine that's woken up and that's going to be our first experience with it is something we made instead of instead of a thing from space well it's possible it's possible it is possible that we're at the high i mean there was one uh recent um harvard astronomer that decided after looking at 500 different stars that we may be the only thing out there and that there's so little uh life or evidence of life in these these, these 500 different planets, rather, that they've observed. But I think that's ridiculous.

I do, too. Most ridiculous because he is coming from a planet that has life. That's one of those 500. So it's not that there's nothing in 500. No, you found one dummy, and you're on it. There's one, and you found 500 that don't, but you found one that does, okay? You have to add that in, stupid. You don't but you found one that does okay and you have to you have to

add that in stupid you don't just go looking for another one and if the other one you can't find it well they don't exist meanwhile you are one right that doesn't make any sense and also man that creek bed in mars that shit gives me goosebumps when i see pictures of the fucking gravel and mars from water flowing on mars i just think about what that must have looked like on that planet with martian water rolling through whatever was rolling through i think there was probably life on on mars yeah brian pull up how earth sounds from space on youtube and uh and it's it'll freak you it's fucking loud-ass people interfering with our podcast, yelling on the street. We got no sound proofing here at the Ice House.

How Earth Sounds from Space. It's on YouTube. It shows the Earth itself. You see, like, cloud formations and shit. No, that's not the one. That's not the most recent one. That's the one I'm looking at. Yeah, hmm.

Let me see. Let me look up groundhancock.com. How was that movie you saw last night, Joe? Fucking awesome. What is this? Looper. Oh, good. I'm glad that's good.

Oh, my God, is it good. It's not just good. It's like one of the best movies I think I've ever seen it was a really good fucking movie i can't find the sound man i don't know where it is anyway go find it folks it's on my twitter why don't i just look on my own fucking twitter stupid ass i'm so dumb um the uh the looper movie's really fucking good it's a really good writing you know i didn't know anything about it is it one of those mind benders where you're like the Looper movie is really fucking good. It's really good writing. I didn't know anything about it. Is it one of those mind benders where your brain feels like it's getting stretched out?

No, that was the thing. They managed to avoid all sorts of... If you go to my Twitter, Brian, I found it. If you pull up, there's a tweet. I retweeted a gentleman named Aaron Rodriguez. Aaron Rodriguez, congratulations. You are the guy who gets mentioned on the podcast. Aaron Rodriguez.

And it says, apparently the Van Allen radiation belt sings like a whale. Nothing to fear, guys. And it's 22 hours ago. I retweeted it. So find that, son. Son. What was i saying you were talking about i don't know what you're talking about before that man fucking lost me oh well whales oh there it is yeah that's our planet

that's so creepy sounds like it's calling a dog you know what it's calling other planets saying this place is filled with cunts help me sounds like a bunch of crickets and we have cunts with nuclear bombs don't fuck with it brian brian it's the end of it i don't think that fucking thing that thing does not sound, that does not sound like a defenseless thing to me. That sounds like a thing that could just jump out of the woods and bite your head off. Well, it's not a real sound.

You know, it's radio waves. So we've sort of interpreted them as a sound, as I understand it. I don't think it's actually the sound. Yeah, if you stuck your head out of the space shuttle, you wouldn't hear that. Yeah. Because your head would get wiped off. Yeah. You probably would hear that, the space shuttle, you wouldn't hear that. Yeah. Because your head would get wiped off. Yeah.

You probably would hear that, actually. Yeah, you wouldn't hear shit. Your head would freeze and explode instantly. Isn't that crazy that you would just freeze instantly in space? Yeah. You just couldn't live. Yeah. Is that someone at the door?

Yeah. Who is it? Who is it? Whose motherfuckers keep interrupting our podcast? I think it's our show. The comedy show starts in 30 minutes. It's probably comics. What comics would just come back here and not say anything?

Hold on. Duncan. Yes, Brian. How are you doing? Where are you at next? Are you going out of town? I'm going to Vancouver this weekend. Oh, lucky. How you doing? Where are you at next? Are you going out of town? I'm going to Vancouver this weekend. Oh, lucky.

Are you playing at that hotel comedy club? What's it called again? The Comedy Mix. Oh, that's awesome. I answered my own question. It's Joey Diaz. I knew it was. Because Joey's the type of guy that just tries doors.

He doesn't knock. The door's unlocked. I'll stay stealthy. Keep it on the down low, cocksucker. So this is not... Joey! It's an audio rendering of radio waves. Right.

That's what it is. Yeah, it doesn't really sound like that. Captured by probes. That's still fucking weird. Powerful, Joe Diaz. Lock that door to keep out the stalkers or something. What's going on, buddy? You know me, dog.

You know me. Keeping it beautiful. Did you lock it? What do you got, man? We're here for another sold-out show tonight at the Ice House in Pasadena, ladies and gentlemen, where we sling comedy dick on a regular basis. And we got a lot of people come back so we we try to come up with as much new shit as possible and uh i'm gonna be doing a lot on the earth singing like a whale

that's my new are you no i don't think there's any material i am doing a whole chunk on snm tonight are you really yes i am i can't wait to hear it you better not use any of my stories you're fuck what snm story do you have no i got all those fucking things oh you do not ball gag stories you have no ball gag stories and that's a shame no i i operate on a different level than you i i don't know if i don't know if it's the right level well i'm not saying it is but it's definitely a different level it's a different level you're into uh you're on occasion let's make sure we say a different level. You're into some shit. On occasion. Let's make sure we say on occasion. You're into some shit that makes me uncomfortable as a man.

I'm not afraid to experiment. About what? He's judging me because from time to time I've popped a ball gag into a lady's mouth. And you wear diapers. I never did that. You made that up. You know I would not judge you, Duncan. I would never judge you.

I love you exactly the way you are. I don't want you to change even slightly. But the ball gag thing bothers me. I did it like four times. He says that like it's totally normal. Like the first time, I'm like, well, I'm still intrigued by this ball gag business. Let me try it again. Joey, sit in with us, man.

What are you doing you're like what oh okay okay see you in a minute joey diaz ladies and gentlemen in and out he's here he's gone he's here for our sold-out show the basadino eyes welcome to my radio voice so opie and anthony attack these guys on what they call jocktober they do it every year apparently it was fucking so funny because it was opie and anthony it was um who else was on tom papa was in there um who else was in there i don't know it was just you know that that show is always like a bunch of people yes like all piled in together. And it was really fucking funny. And then within half an hour, an hour of them doing it,

the radio station took down their Facebook page because the ONA savages had started attacking the Facebook page and shitting all over it and fucking going bananas and telling them they all should drown in AIDS and shit like that. That's just so funny. They all should drown in AIDS and shit like that. That's just so funny. I mean, I just fucking love that they're so sensitive.

They took down their Facebook page. Look, this is what happened. You got goofed on. You should have been goofed on a long time ago. And then you would have never done that radio voice. I think they train in that voice. I think that there's schools where people train to talk like that. Yeah, and you just choose like strip club or radio voice or weather person. You know what Anthony was saying?

Anthony was saying that they made them. It was Anthony or opening. I forget. They were both talking about it, how the guy actually said, I want you to visualize who your audience is. Just take a picture out of a magazine that represents that guy. You know, your blue collar guy and just put that up there on the wall. And, you know, that's the guy you're talking to.

That's your guy. You know, and Anthony was saying that he put up John Casey. It was really fucking funny. It was really fucking funny. He's like, fuck you. That's great. But it's like that happens whenever you get a producer involved and someone who's a non-creative person involved

and trying to shape your radio personality. What can I do, man? It's just tighten up your image. You need a thumb ring. Have you thought about a nose ring? Thumb ring. Thumb ring? Nose rings?

Yeah, man. Thumb rings. Anthony Bourdain is the only guy that I've ever met that used to wear a thumb ring that's not a douche bag. He's a cool guy, and he has a thumb ring. And I'd watch him on the show, and I'm like, man, I just got to talk to him about that ring. We're going to be fine. Or toe rings. Have you ever met a guy with a toe ring?

A dude with a toe ring? Get the fuck out of here. I've seen that before. Get the fuck out of here. And the tattoo around the belly button, that's another one's another one dudes get bored i can see tattooing your belly button that's just a board issue did you see but not a toe ring did you see that shit on reddit of the guy who had rim job tattooed on his face like right on his mouth on his mustache really it's the saddest thing it looks like he's been crying like they're it's him and some other guy

they're both obviously fucked up and one of them has some shit tattoo on his forehead but the other guy is right under his nose rim job i think there's a lot of people that just incredibly self-destructive yeah what is that is that is that like us losing our natural reward system with hunter and gathering and being stuck into some weird fucking environment where we're taking pills and trying to overcome reality with pharmaceutical drugs and sedate ourselves through shit jobs and boring meaningless existences as a cog in the wheel yeah and then you just go crazy substance abuse time to your face it's like the human version of um pigs and slaughterhouses that start chewing off their own legs because they're too close to each other. You just end up going into some...

But also, a lot of times when people do that shit outside of the guy who did Rim Job, a lot of times when people fuck up their body, they're doing it because they want specific types of girls to like them, I think. I think that they're... Like writing Rim Job on your face? No, not that.

I said except for that guy. But the people who like just fucking like put in the like hang themselves from their nipples or like people who do the ear the big ear holes if you think they're looking for certain types of girls and that's what it is i think it's a mating pattern some of it for sure it is the ear thing is i would have never saw that coming me either i met a lot of cool people that have it too and i don't want to judge them i don't want to judge them but that's a fucking it's them. But that's a fucking trippy thing. You've got a fucking toilet paper roll in your ear, son.

Did you see that prank? Or maybe it was just an idea for a prank. It's awful. But it's like you sneak up on one of those guys with a lock and put it in the ear hole and lock it. So then they've got a lock locked into their ear. I think I saw a video of it or someone suggesting someone do that. It's brutal. That's horrific, man.

Because then you'd have to get it clipped. That's horrific. It's a dangerous thing, man. It's not a strategic thing to have giant holes in your ears. It's dangerous. Yeah, but what if you ripped it off and then beat the guy to death with it?

Yeah. You could do that too. Well, you would deserve it probably. It's a shitty move yeah locking someone putting a lock in someone's fucking ear you better know the combination bitch that's a rude prank it's not i guess prank's the wrong word it's an assault an attack but yeah all that shit body modification that thing where uh uh people in korea is it korea that they're putting the donuts in their heads yeah head bagels yeah

what's going on it's like we're sick of our bodies or something man we're taking these strange paths to make our bodies look different it's really fucking weird the lady just grew an ear off her arm but that wasn't cosmetic that's because she had to she had cancer yeah that's not related but yeah there is a lot of weird shit that people do but i say that but then i have two sleeves of tattoos you know i have two arms they're covered in drawing yeah right but still i can't talk no i think two sleeves of tattoos is a fuckload cooler than having your head inflated yeah it's cooler but it's still weird to you know the average person doesn't want to sit there and have someone draw on them with a fucking scratchy needle

yeah it shoves ink under their skin just to make it look cool. I want a fucking tattoo. What would you get? I don't know. That's the problem, man. It's tortured me for my whole life. I'm always thinking about what it would be

and I don't know. I'm hoping that when I go out to Brazil and slurp back some ayahuasca, it'll come to me. I think a little hobo. Just a little hobo. A little sweet face on your arm. Lil Hobo with a giant dick

like Evil Boy that is tattooed on the dude from... Yeah, D Antwoord. Yeah, huge dick but Lil Hobo's face. No. No? I don't like that tattoo, guys. I was gonna get it. Vainy. Big, vainy, giant dick. Don't like that tattoo. How about a black dick?

Nope. How about a red dick to represent the American Indian being repressed but on a comeback? Now you're speaking my language, Joe. Now it means something. Big, hard, red dick. Like the Hulk if he was red. You feel me on this? Nothing? I don't feel it.

Damn. I feel like I was on a good path. What about something from the Bhagavad Gita? goes on a good path what would what about uh something from the bhagavad gita is there like like uh but again like that shit all seems so fucking like um contrived you know it seems a little bit because like i don't i'm not i'm not gonna like look at my arm you're like now how about alistair crowley on your shoulder fuck that man i have an alistair crowley poster and shit falls off my walls i don't want it on my body some some goddamn chaos there's a uh chaos magician named frader isla i hope he doesn't care i said his name who mails me like really weird

uh-oh occult shit man like really strange like um he just sent me a demon a demon summoning box where he's painted the front of it it sounds really dumb when i say demon summoning box yeah uh there's a uh anyway it's there's a lot of weird there's a lot of strange shit out there man but the point is i would never want crowley tattooed on my body um there's a lot of people that have terence mckenna tattooed on them pretty interesting i think that's pretty good but i don't know man i like more of a something that's less specific you know something that maybe has the terence mckenna tattoo is going to be real problematic if december 21st 2012 rolls over and nothing happens although he wasn't really convinced that anything was going to happen well everyone's

got the i mean there's a simple out for 2012 which is that it's a shift in the vibrational frequencies. Yeah. Well, no one's ever predicted anything ever. That's my problem with it. No one's ever correctly predicted any, like, you know, huge change in the world ever. No one's ever said, you know, on this day, specifically to the day. Right. The world will change

forever yeah they tried with y2k yes oh god that was crazy i wonder if they tried with i wonder if people thought 1984 was going to be a big year because of the book man i remember do you remember i don't remember that well 1984 is like nothing compared to what's really going on right now and your fucking phone is a like a wireless gps tracker that they can turn on and listen to you and record you talking anywhere you are yeah that shit we were so primitive back then man your phone had to plug into the wall. Well, it's really interesting when you go back to, like, the 1800s. You know, like, when was the War of the Worlds written? I believe it was written in the 1800s, right? I don't know.

It came out on the radio. People started killing us. The radio was 1920s or 30s, I think. Okay. Of the world. I'll say 1923. Well, when Homeboy did it on the radio, Orson Welles, what year was that? It was H.G. Welles, 1898.

Oh, damn. Yeah. Wow. And then Orson Welles did it, I think, in the early 1900s. Hey, powerful Ian Edwards is here, ladies and gentlemen. What's up, brother? Hi, Ian. Good to see you, man.

See you, man. What's up, man? How you doing? Have a seat. Come on in. Park it. Comics have started to shuffle in, ladies and gentlemen, which means we're going to shift from this to that.

Yeah, let's shift. We're going to shift from the Duncan Trussell Family Hour podcast explosion in your mouth to a Nice House Chronicles. Does that sound good, Brian? Oh, I didn't know we were doing that. Do you want to do one? Not really. We don't have to.

Okay, then we won't do it. All right, folks. No more fucking podcast. Well, we got, well, it's not even 10 o'clock though, dude. Let's keep going then. If we're not going to do

an Ice House Chronicles, let's keep going because it's only quarter to 10. The show's at 1030. But we got another sold out show here tonight at the Ice House.

Ian Edwards, ready to get your freak on? Dude, what about this shit with the dispensaries now that it got overturned what happened well the i think they decided to let them continue to operate because they needed tax revenue it would be catastrophic to a lot of these neighborhoods if all of a sudden those businesses pulled out what people don't understand is that this these businesses these cannabis dispensaries have become a big part of the economic success of a lot of communities.

I mean, not only do people work there and have jobs and get paid, but they also pay rent to landlords. I mean, there's a lot of them. There's hundreds of them. That would mean that hundreds of places no longer have someone renting them. And it's not like there's a shortage of places to rent. There's a lot of places to rent. So if you, you know, it's like commercial real estate. I had to look around at a lot of commercial places to get a podcast studio.

I looked at a lot of office space and stuff like that. It's fucking everywhere. Everywhere. So many places are available and open. And if they decided just randomly to shut down 700 different fucking dispensaries for just dubious reasons, for reasons that don't make any sense at all, it would suck. It would fuck up the economy. There's a lot of money that goes to paying taxes. Joe, I also read that the DEA was saying that they're going to stop raiding medicinal marijuana dispensaries. Did you read that, too?

No, I didn't read that. When did they say that? See, someone tweeted that. I don't know if it's true. I think it might be fake. You were high. You probably were high as fuck. Because one of the things that I read is that the DEA, they won't disclose any information about busts.

And what they're doing is they're going in and raiding people. They're taking all their marijuana. They're taking their money. They're taking their plants. They confiscate all their marijuana. They're taking their money. They're taking their plants. They confiscate all the records. They write down everyone's name, and then they do nothing. And they don't have to do anything. And when you try to find information on the case,

they just say it's an ongoing investigation. Shit. And they don't do anything. So the DBA comes in. They're kind of doing something, but they ain't really doing nothing. They're coming in and jacking people and not arresting anybody. And Todd McCormick was the first person who told me about this. And I was like, that doesn't even make sense.

I was like, am I missing something in this story? And then I went and looked at it online. But no, that is the practice. The practice is they just make it ridiculous for these people to try to run a business. And they come in and take all their shit. I think they're just trying to act like they're doing something to kind of keep the show going. That they're doing their job. But they don't really want to arrest.

I think they probably agree with the states that have California, that have weed laws. But there's like, all right, we got to do something. So let's just shut this down, but not really try people. I don't know if it's an agreement thing, because a lot of cops do not like weed. You know, I mean, when cops break into guys' houses and shoot their dogs 17 fucking times and look around and find a pipe with a little not like weed. You know, I mean, when cops break into guys' houses and shoot their dogs 17 fucking times

and look around and find a pipe with a little bit of weed on it. Have you seen some of those arrest videos? I can't watch those. I've seen the links. I can't watch those shit. They're horrendous, man. They shot some former Marine 17 times the other day, and they thought this guy had pot on him. He had nothing. The whole thing is crazy.

They thought he was a dealer. There's no pot in the house. When are they going to put some of these cops away just to let other cops know? It's always like, you know, let's not rush to judgment. The police chief is like, let's not rush to judgment. Let's see what happens. But they rush to judgment when the cops write up a criminal form on somebody that they arrest.

Right. And they put the story on the news. It's like instantly that person is guilty. But when a cop shoots somebody, let's wait. on the news, like instantly that person's guilty. But when a cop shoots somebody, let's wait. Well, sometimes they do that, but, you know, the internet is sort of taking a lot of that away.

They're exposing these people like that officer at UC Davis that pepper sprayed those kids in the face. And then there was the recent situation where the cop cold cocked a chick at a Puerto Rican Day Pride parade. He thought that she did something, but she didn't. She just was in the wrong place at the wrong time. So he turns around and cracks her. It was fucked up, man. It's fucked up to watch.

That guy's in trouble. That guy's in trouble. Should be. Yeah, he fucking should be. Even if she did throw water at him. You're not allowed to punch her, dude. You're a cop. Girl throws water at you, you can't punch her in the face.

This is the cool thing, man. You need to show a little more restraint. This is the cool thing about the proliferation of fucking cameras everywhere. It goes both ways. But I've heard that the TSA is not letting you film them anymore have you heard this yeah yeah i've heard that yeah yeah that's uh what uh when we had um uh who was telling us the story kevin perera was telling us the story of um being stuck at the airport and trying to film and having his girlfriend trying to film it and they wouldn't let her yeah and they took him into a room it's like i don't have a witness here anymore

at least out there i have a witness like i want to film this you know they wouldn't let him they wouldn't let him the whole thing is it's just it's ridiculous hilarious the tsa are acting like cops now police state ladies and gentlemen we've reached a police state people want to control people the system sucks the system's a mess people are complaining and then they want to control the people complaining so they want to tighten down the police state instead of addressing what the people are complaining about when people get to the point where they're rioting in the streets or there's an occupy wall street type of movement man the fact that the government does not address that on a formal basis on a regular, that they're not doing something about that

and adjusting it, just shows you how much contempt they have for the actual people and who they really work for. That's not even a subject of... I guarantee you that shit's not going to come up in the debates. You think they're going to talk about

Occupy Wall Street and addressing their demands? Or the petrodollar? Or the fact that China is apparently switching away from the dollar to buy oil? Have you heard about that shit? No, no. I don't blame him. Have you seen the value of the dollar?

Jesus. What does it even mean, though? The spooky thing is apparently our entire currency is based on the fact that most people use it to buy oil. And so they have to have vast reserves of it on hand to buy the oil. But if that changes, then our dollar will drop even more than it's valued at now in the most extreme way, because it's not based on gold. And so a lot of people, it's called the petrodollar theory. It's on Wikipedia. It's a theory. But the theory is that all the wars that we've been in have been with places that were about to switch the currency from the dollar to something else.

And whenever that happens, we go in and attack because that's the only thing that our dollar is valued on. But it's a theory. It's a conspiracy theory. Isn't that why we attacked Iraq? Yes. And right after we, because he had already switched over and we attacked Iraq and then we turned it back to the dollar within a year of attacking.

That's hilarious. Yeah. What a wild jacking. You won't hear them talk about that in the fucking within a year of attacking. That's hilarious. Yeah. What a wild jacking. You won't hear them talk about that in the fucking debates. You won't hear that come up. Well, you won't hear them talk about WikiLeaks. So there is a purpose to all these wars. It's good to know that they're not doing it for nothing.

That's good. Well, they're doing it for money, son. Yes. Yeah. You're not going to hear anybody talk about WikiLeaks in the debate. That shit ain't going to come out. They're going to sweep that under the rug. Is that dude still holed up in that embassy?

Yeah. Isn't that crazy? He's been there for months. Do you think they get him any pussy? Yes. They should sneak him in some hippie pussy. Does he have to pay rent there? That's a good question.

I wonder if he's got a dope suite. He just promises not to leak anything about them. Yeah. I wonder if he has to promise. Oh, shit. He probably has some serious shit on that guy well it's weird that they're in you know uh they're in england but it's the ecuadorian embassy so he's allowed to stay even though he's in england they all just stand around waiting for

him to come out so he stays in that house for months he's been in that house for months no he comes out and does little speeches from that balcony yeah but he's still in the house technically i was calling him ray punzel is that rape punzel is it rape punzel or well they they uh they already got the dna test back on the condom and it shows none of his dna yeah i don't think he's no they just want to get in there story sorry julian i love you yeah they're jacking that guy. It's really scary, isn't it? Yeah, it's fucking scary. And also that other guy that's just in some pod somewhere getting water hosed 24 hours a day. Oh, Bradley Manning? Yeah.

They have him in solitary confinement. He's naked. He's not allowed to wear clothes. He's just like balled up in a fetal position in some orange room getting sprayed with water hoses every few hours. They play a lot of music. Yeah. Is that what you heard i made up a lot of that when i went to visit him that's how it was yeah well when i after i

fucked him that's but he's not doing great i don't think he can send letters and stuff i don't think he can do anything i think he sent enough letters you know saying yeah they're essentially psychologically torturing him he's gone i bet he's gone when he comes out of there he's going to be a drooling boo radley He's gone. I bet he's gone. When he comes out of there, he's going to be a drooling Boo Radley. He won't know anything. That's optimistic, isn't it? When he comes out of there. Yeah, he's never coming out of there.

He's never coming out. And what's really interesting is this guy could have done something far worse and he would be in a real prison interacting with people. He could have been a murderer. He could have been the DC sniper. He could have done something far more horrific,

and he would be interacting with people. What this guy did was leak some information about some shit that he thought was horrific. And in doing so, they're treating him like he is fucking Lex Luthor. They're treating him like he's the worst bad guy ever. Meanwhile, Manson's in a regular prison somewhere. Rogan, have you seen this list that leaked about the different

signs that someone's a terrorist? Like it leaked from the army or something? Like what to look for? What was one of them? Everything you do. Like you are... Because there's gradients on the list and on the red side, it's pretty much all of us

would be considered terrorists by this new thing. Yeah, back in the day. Did you find it? Oh, if you use social media? Yeah. Read some of it. Read some of it. Back in the day, this podcast would probably be considered communist.

Oh, in the McCarthy era? Yeah. Or just some red party shit. For sure. Wow. Here's some warning signs. According to the U.S. military. Wow.

You've recently changed your choices in entertainment. You have peculiar discussions. I've gone to blowjob porn. You complain about bias. You too? Yeah. You're socially withdrawn, Joey Diaz. What up, Joey?

What's up, baby? How you doing, man? You know me. Is that on Put the pieces together I don't hear him Check There he goes

Check Beautiful You're socially withdrawn You're frustrated with mainstream ideologies Your risk factors for radicalization include social networks and youth Like you're just being young You're young You're a terrorist Everybody on Facebook being young yeah you're young you're on facebook as a terrorist you're young you're a terrorist that is fucking hilarious that is just

like the most broad sweeping brush i think i've ever read ever in an official document i think came out with this this is some cunts i know i think it's like the army uh and and but the combination of this with the indefinite detention act that's where shit gets creepy think it's like the army But the combination of this With the indefinite detention act That's where shit gets creepy Because it's one thing to just be like yeah those are signs That someone might be doing something weird But then I think a terrorist Someone suspected of terrorism

Can just get arrested according to the indefinite detention act Without a trial So that's where shit gets a little Not going to sleep that well at night Well we have this Girl who's coming on the podcast tomorrow, Amber Lyon, who was working for CNN and was clearly censored. They were told not to tell stories. There are certain things they were told not to cover. There are certain areas where they wanted to report on actual news and they were told not to and they were told to

read off government propaganda they knew was not true yeah and this is on cnn so you know it's it's it's real it's not it's not like it's not like people going oh yeah well they wouldn't act on that stuff no no no no no no this is like like they've figured out a way to control media and propaganda is a real thing now it's 100 real they can they can lie to you all day long and if you want to travel anywhere they can restrict you they not only can they restrict you but just to travel you are going to have your body magnetically scanned so they can see you fucking naked yeah if you travel you must allow them to see your naked body that doesn't work as joey diaz clearly explained on the alex jones show they missed a bag of weed hidden under his balls it can't see through

joey's balls no matter what they might be able to see distant telescopes they have not yet developed a scanner machine they can see past Joey's balls. Dude, you better watch out. Al-Qaeda's going to cut your balls off. So if you want to smuggle something to another country, you have to buy some Joey Diaz sack skin. What they need to do is the scientists that clone Dolly the Sheep, they need to clone Joey's balls. Just make them really large. It's the new coffee grounds.

Put them over stealth bombers, and you can just fucking fly in. The x-ray machines wouldn't see shit. You ever get your knees x-rayed? They put that fucking umpire thing on your chest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's with my skin on my nuts. It doesn't go through. It's like umpire fucking shield.

It doesn't go through because I hide that sack behind there. All they can see is this motherfucker got three nuts. That's all they can see. He's the luckiest motherfucker in the world. I just think they don't want to look there. They're like, I'm just going to

overlook that part. Did you see this shit this week, bro? They robbed $800,000 worth of loot to TSA people. Yeah, they found an iPad in someone's house.

Did you see that? Did you see that? Yeah. But they're robbing those motherfuckers, dog. Yeah, they definitely they're always like swiping watches and shit.

You got to be careful. You got to tell a lot of stories about that. You gotta be careful. But I went through the TSA today, and they were being extra careful, because a penny had dropped off into the bin, and they're like, sir, your penny. Don't forget your penny. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're fucking up there.

Yeah, they probably just stole a laptop, and they're feeling guilty. Everybody's watching. Everyone's watching. You know what's interesting? This is a metal watch. This watch is made out of metal, but it doesn't go off. Go right through the scanner machine

and it never goes off. Wouldn't you fucking, wouldn't it be hilarious if they're not even checking you? How fucking crazy would that be? How crazy would that be if half those machines

that really cost like $800 for each body go through and they just make you go through and press a button and go, you're going through it.

They just check and see who gets nervous. Look how many fucking times they find people with bullets and guns and fucking stupidity. It makes you really think. It really makes you fucking think. I guarantee half these people are like, listen, just whatever. Just whatever. You know, today's the day.

It's a free fucking day. You come out with a bazooka, we're not going to catch you. Well, they did some independent testing where they tried to get people through, and they got through with a bunch of shit. People got through with guns and bombs. Guys, you'd be fucking surprised. You'd be fucking surprised. Well, you know what goes off?

Foil from gum. Huh. Yeah, when you have like a pack of dentine with a push-through foil back, that shit goes off. That shit goes off. If you have that in your pocket, you'll beep like you got a weapon. But meanwhile, the metal that your watch is made out of, for whatever fucking reason, that doesn't go off. Man, it just makes me want to puke when i look over and see a fucking old man today i saw an 80 year old man with a brace on his neck getting like a hardcore break your fucking

you know what come on he probably was he white he probably deserves he did some shit back in the day creepy shit he did shit he did to get to be alive and eating. He did some racist shit. He needs to get searched. I hope those are black TSA workers working him over like a water hose. I hope they dip their fingers inside sanitizer and stuck it right up his ass.

He had sanitizer deep in his asshole. Imagine what it would feel like a hand sanitizer inside your ass. That would not be good. With a cut in your asshole. Meanwhile, someone his asshole. Imagine what it would feel like, a hand sanitizer inside your ass. That would not be good. With a cut in your asshole. Meanwhile, someone's done it. Like a little cut.

Someone's done it. Someone does that all day. Someone's probably addicted to doing that. Going to a doctor. I've got to stop putting hand sanitizer up my asshole. And the doctor's like, what? A new thing. A new fucking thing.

Do you remember when we went to some town, you and I, and we had dinner with some doctor? I was there. And he was telling us about emergency room shit. Oh, yeah. A friend of mine he was telling us about emergency room oh yeah a friend of mine he's working remember he went to all that they've been chicago national that they buried the guy remember what were the stories about the hospital this did john ralph tell you about his buddy the boxer who went for shoulder surgery and before you have showed the surgery they shoot a a thing in you and it it fucking freezes your arm, your nerves.

You can't have your nerves like 18 months. They shot the motherfucker in the wrong arm. Oh, no. Yeah, a boxer. That's John Rowell. He took somebody, Andre Ward, to a decision or something like that a couple years ago, and then they did the surgery. They shot this motherfucker in the wrong arm. It takes 18 months to heal because I guess it's one centimeter a fucking month that

it heals backwards john was telling me can you imagine going for surgery to take out your wrong fucking eye boss boss has a nerve issue that he had uh nerves fucked up and it was over a year where his arm hadn't healed yet yeah yeah something with nerves take a long time dude i've heard of people bringing their dogs into the vet to get them groomed, and they put them to sleep because of confusion. They get it confused. Oh, God. Yeah, Will Ferrell's cats. Oh, shit. What?

That's a callback from an old Joe Rogan podcast. Will Ferrell's cats. Ferrell cats. Oh. Remember that? Well, going back to the EMS shit, a friend of mine, he was a comic, and he used to work in an ambulance in Queens. And people would come in with shit stuck in their ass. Like one guy had a GI Joe doll.

That's what it was. He was talking about people getting stuck in their ass. Well, Steve Graham. Steve Graham always talks about that. When he did his residency in Miami, he said they found light bulbs up people's asses. Those twisty light bulbs. Oh, the twisty joints. People stuck light bulbs up their asses, and they found light bulbs up people's asses yeah those those twisty light bulbs oh the twisty joints people stuck light bulbs up their asses and then the light bulbs broke so the thing he said well this dude stuck a gi joe doll up his ass but he couldn't pull it out because the arms opened up like prongs like prongs and then that's that's when he had to call

the it's like a barb. He was hooked. Dude, this guy, the doctor we were talking at at dinner, he said something that I'd never heard before. Some people were taking nitrous oxide and inflating their testicles with it. Oh, yeah.

People were doing it with saline, too. Do you know where you can get this nitrous oxide? Dude, I have no idea. You can get it from Duncan's testicles. He's got a spout. He's the one. If he lets it out, it whistles like a balloon.

I heard of a chick in Jersey one time. My buddy was in the hospital. Some chick came in. She put a frozen hot dog in her pussy and it broke. She had to go get it timed out. Can you imagine having an old hot dog in your fucking pussy it broke. So she had to go get it timed out. Can you imagine having an old hot dog in your fucking pussy? Like a fucking ballpark.

She's such a cold bitch, the shit didn't even melt. It just froze harder. It got harder. Fucking disgusting. It froze and crushed. It came out as snow

damn snow it's an icicle I have an icicle oh shit that's sex I mean it's if you can think of it someone stuffed it up their ass

like just call a dude right someone is someone stuffed that's a good name for a kids book these microphone stands someone shoved one of these up their ass

right someone shoved beer bottles up up their ass, right? Someone shoved beer bottles up their ass. We've all seen two guys, one cup. You've seen that. That guy stuck a mayonnaise jar up his ass. Did you see that? That's amazing. He stuck one of those jars where you get some really good jelly.

You get that Preserves, where it's like a fancy glass jar. That guy had that deep in his ass and it broke. And then like clunks of chunks of broken glass and blood are coming out of his ass. I mean, it is a crazy fucking scene. What about those junkies in prison that walk around with a syringe in their asshole? What? A fucking syringe with a spoon. Matches.

And they tuck it in their ass all the story that's where they store it right needles syringes in your hand after 10 years of doing it it just it's like nothing you just open your ass all and take a needle out of that oh my god isn't that the way they say that a lot of guys get hepatitis from exchanging needles if they don't have clean needles it's fucked up though there's diseases that come just from sex. How did syphilis ever get... We know we were talking about swine flu

and all these different things that come from massive farms, which is a lot of flus come from. But how does fucking sexually transmitted diseases come from? Who was the first person to get herpes? How did that get... Kelly Kirsten. Who was the first person to get herpes?

How did that get? Kelly Kirsten. Now, Capone died of syphilis. Syphilis, yeah. Fucking syphilis. Now, what is syphilis? How does it get into you? That's a good question. What comes out of your dick?

What leakage? When I was about 15, my buddy told me he had a problem. He goes, can you go to the fucking clinic with me? I'll never forget going to the clinic after school not even thinking about it guys and seeing bitches with sores in their mouth and fucking shit leaking i was like i made a mental note right there like right there i was like i ain't fucking around with bitches till i'm older well this is the for real one of the things they shut down the porn industry because they do had syphilis and started giving other people syphilis. Yeah. This is during 2010. There was 45,834 new cases of syphilis compared to 48,000 HIV infections and 309,000 cases of gonorrhea.

Whoa, gonorrhea is popular. Which ones? 309,000 cases of gonorrhea. Holy shit. And that's just for those who thought gonorrhea and holy and that's just for those who thought gonorrhea was over it's back y'all doing this thing doing this thing gonorrhea coming on strong it's gonorrhea the clap that's a good question is that the clap gonorrhea is the clap i would assume it was um two-thirds of uh syphilis occurred amongst men who have had sex with men. Wow. Most syphilis is gay syphilis.

Interesting. There are 377 reports of children with congenital syphilis. Which means what? Children? They get it when they're born. I guess they're born with it. Yeah. Syphilis is transmitted from person to person.

It's a bacterium disease. It's caused by bacterium can cause long term complications and or death if not adequately treated. Sores can occur on the lips and in the mouth. Syphilis can be transmitted during vaginal, anal, or oral sexual contact.

Pregnant women with the disease can pass it on to their unborn children. Whoa. Damn you syphilis. Syphilis is a motherfucker. How quickly do symptoms appear after infection? The average time between infection with syphilis and the appearance of the first symptom is 21 days, but it can range up to 90 days.

Ooh. Dude, I knew a guy who used to say that fucking pussy with gonorrhea was the best pussy. What? That is crazy. Because it was so hot because it was like feverishly hot oh my god i think it's safe to say that guy's a silly bitch how many times has he done it yeah that's crazy no man what are you doing an ad for gonorrhea bitches in the fucking

mail first of all i'm looking for a bitch with gonorrhea first of all i did not i'm not here for a long time i'm here for a good time first of all i did not say it like that. That's number one. I'm going to get some of that lava pussy. Jesus. Lava pussy. Son, he ain't lived.

That molten puss. There's motherfuckers that love period pussy, you know? Oh, yeah. What are you going to do? I can't even look at that fucking dragon when it's bloody like that. But when I was like, well, after my mother died, I got a booty call from some chick out of, like, pity. Like, she called me up when I was still

living in the house. Like, I was still living in the fucking house. And I remember she, I walked to her house because in those days you had no fucking text or nothing.

You had to dial that long motherfucking number. You had to go deep on your fucking phone and walk over, walk the bitch back. You remember when a chick lived in another part of the state?

Yeah, dog. In long distance. In long distance. And you couldn't fall in love. There was no Skype. You had to whack off on the phone. It cost you fucking $10 to whack off. Who remembers sports phone?

Nobody. What is that? Sports phone was a phone for degenerate gamblers that cost you $0.35 to call. They updated every 30 minutes, dog. Oh. You remember that? I do remember that. Yeah, fuck yeah.

It was like that was the only thing that survived outside of sex calls. That's it. But this is back in the 80s. Yeah. You'd be at a bar shooting pool, and the motherfucker come in and dog a one in that game. I don't know. Call a sports phone. I called a sex phone line once while I was beaten off when I was a kid, and came when

the chick asked me, can I help you? Can I help you? I was like, oh, wow. Thanks, bitch. Yeah, I was like, what am I going to do? How am I going to pay for this? I don't have a credit card. I just jizzed all over myself.

That's all you need sometimes, just a voice. You're like, oh, I'll call you back. How much? Yeah, I mean, that's probably how many dudes probably called people up, beaten off while they were on the phone. I remember being a security guard at night at this complex they were building for seniors. And the only thing to do was, like, you board at night, you just call the phone. So I used to go down the party line.

Like, I ran up, like, a $1,000 bill in, like, a week. So I'm a security guard, and I got to pay this shit back. They're taking the money out of my check. I'm basically working for this party line. Wow. It's just crazy. Wow. That's one of those.

What happens on a party line? You just talk to a bunch of people. That's incredible. It's almost like the phone internet. Yeah, it's like chat roulette now, basically. How many people were in the room with you when you would call? You call the number. You talk to like three or four people, and some people just listened.

Some people would contribute. Some people would get off. New people would join on. And it was addictive? You never called a party line? No, I never called one. It was addictive until I got that bill. Then I was like, fuck this shit.

How much was it a minute? That shit was expensive, yo. That's crazy. Isn't that amazing that they could just charge you to connect your fucking phone lines together and charge you ridiculous amounts of money? And you don't even know what you... It's not like you it like running like a meter so you can go ah just hang it up i thought there was girls on those lines i thought the idea sometimes i'd be girls you know but you can't see them you know you're just talking you just are they from your town no idea you no idea it was like i don't know if it was an 800 number

or some shit like that. I bet a lot of people probably pretended they were from your town. Where are you from? Kansas. I'm from Kansas, too. Where you at? Where you at? I'm coming to get you.

I'm coming to get you. I'm coming to get you. I'm on my way. I saw a show about a guy who got tricked by these Nigerian scammers, and it was fucking sad. This poor dude went to Europe twice. He believed that this girl was waiting for him in Europe twice. I saw shit you see that yeah this isn't kind of creepy that's fucked up yeah it's like what the fuck man he got went there twice loneliness sucks yeah yeah it sucks hard but that's how you know social media works on the computers like it's just from back in the day

when we used to make those phone calls to those party lines. People have just been lonely for ages. It's just a way to connect without being in front of somebody. That's why Facebook and MySpace is so successful. Or was. Well, people literally get sick when they don't have contact with other people. If they don't get sick physically, they get sick mentally. Something goes wrong.

You ever go to a strip club and you can tell the dudes that are fucking lonely bro they bring the chicks gifts oh yeah how's your mother how's your brother yeah let's do a dance i really don't want to dance for you when you see those guys and if you interview a stripper or talk to a stripper and she starts to tell you those stories your heart breaks yeah you're like really some guy came in and gave you 800 to sit and talk to you for an hour well when i used to go to visit eddie when eddie worked as a dj you know i got to watch like some really crazy shit you got to see like the girls were just like you know they'd be like your friend like hey what's up hey how you doing you know like eddie was like just like

friends with all these girls they would come in and then guys would like buy them cars like this one girl the guy came in and she immediately is like oh my god how are you she like puts on this act and goes runs over and hugs him and she's like she's really hot and she's naked okay she's really hot and she's naked and the dude is a zero you know he's just a dorky, sad, goofy, confused guy who's just not that good socially and doesn't understand he's being played. And I think he had like a regular job, too, man. He was like a fucking postman or some shit. But he would blow all his money on her. And he got her a car.

Like, at least they're like one of those nice Yukons. It's like, it was crazy. But they just take them like vampires. Fuck. Just draw them in. For the guy, just to be in contact with a girl like that is enough. The chicks, the guys that give them the most are the ones that don't get pussy.

Yeah, they don't want to fuck the guy. Guys that give them the most. Listen, when I kidnapped that dude, my partner on the deal, my partner on the deal, the reason, his motivation. You know when you go to acting class and they're like what's your motivation his motivation for the kidnapping was he was dating a chick no no no no no he was friends with a chick at a strip club that danced naked her and her husband had a beef he threw her out she loved the guy i you know the guy but she wouldn't sleep with him because she was catholic she couldn't sleep with him until she got divorced this guy

was giving her all his money it's the guys that don't get the pussy that give the most loot yeah it's a story as old as time it's fucking amazing i want to be into the stripper part of the story but when you say the time I kidnapped that dude, I don't know the stories. I can't just let that shit go. You all probably discussed this a thousand times. It's fucking crazy that I saw that. When he told me he came to my house,

he looked at mine. He's like, dog, we got to kidnap this. At that time, it wasn't a kidnap. He's like, we got to rob this dude. I need the money. I'm like, what money? He told me the story. I'm like, what money? He told me the story. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

Did you have like red flags going off? Right there, yeah. He wasn't even robbing her for the good of it. He was robbing her for a check so she could get divorced. Oh, here's what gets better. He owned the house. His mother had a bunch of houses. She was a real estate mogul.

He fucking had her in one of the houses. Prof. Doug Benson, ladies and gentlemen. fucking had her in one of the houses. Powerful Doug Benson, ladies and gentlemen. He had her in one of the houses. Free rent. He was paying the rent for it. That's so common. It's just girls have been.

Powerful Doug Benson. What's up, buddy? It's very fucking sad. Girls have been doing that to guys forever. But guys have been doing that to girls too, man. It's like people get played. I think if you want to be a victim you want to be a victim some guys want to say i bought a girl a car nothing happened well it's also that these guys

are so that these girls are so out of their league that they're willing to do almost anything to get and they can't believe these girls are even talking to them i mean girls are tens man incredible body beautiful tits look at that ass i can't believe she's sitting on my lap and she's stroking his hair and puts her tits in his face and juggles him back and forth. And this dude is gone, man. He's in heaven. This is closer to heaven than he's ever been because no girl ever looked anything like this has ever touched him. And no girl's ever really wanted to touch him. Some dudes, they go through life without anybody being like really passionate about them ever. No one's attracted to them. They they're socially awkward who knows what kind of fucking weird childhood they had and those girls can do a number on a dude like that yeah man there's no way she could there's no

way you could stop her yeah especially when they you know they got a chick sitting on their lap and they like seeing chicks like this sit on dudes' laps in movies. And it's like you're just living the movie lifestyle. Just for a moment, you'll pay for anything. I can't believe it's real. But do you believe there's trained agents who are like chicks in the CIA or trained to get fucked to set people up? I hope so. 100%.

They've done that. Yeah. 100%. They've gotten people to the point where they were undercover and they had to have sex with people, unquestionably. But do you think they train them? Do you think there's like a special CIA training center for hot girls to have it? How to fuck? You want to apply?

Listen, if you're going to fuck this guy, you can't fuck him like an agent, okay? You got to fuck him like you're a crazy bitch and you're a cock monster. Yeah. Yeah. You got to learn how to really. Study these videos. Yeah. This is a girl named Amber Lynn. In the 80s, she was a monster.

Just a cock monster. I know this dude that runs a charm school, right? So he works with the federal government, like the FBI, to teach the agents how to not get seduced by women really yeah so that's what you're saying in the reverse is is yeah it's real so that's probably right because it's a powerful weapon I mean yeah you can if you really want to take down a president you can take down anybody with anybody with a woman yeah sex is it's so powerful someone who can't acquire it, it's like one of the most, the sweetest nectar known. If you can acquire it on a regular basis,

it loses its power, but it's just like getting your heroin fixed every day. Yeah. You're like, eh, and then nothing. It's just fucking heroin. There's a lot of functional heroin users. There's a lot of functional sex addicts. You know, when you're involved in that type of a crime,

that's why I always laugh when I read about drug busts or something. Because what the general public doesn't know, when you have that number, when somebody's selling 80 kilos a fucking month, guess what? They don't make that many mistakes. Right. For an agent to infiltrate them, they have to do something different. Yeah. Like when I was locked up in a federal joint for a couple months, I got to meet people who told me stories about shooting fucking blow with agents.

So the agents crossed the line. Yeah, the agents got locked up. Well, they have to. Once they go to trial, they go to rehab, and then they don't have it in their system. So I'm in court yelling, I got hired with Duncan. You're like, that was a year ago. Prove it. You know, prove it.

But it's amazing. You know, that's why you, no, no, I'm going to sell a kilo of Coke to a guy who doesn't do Coke with me. I. Prove it. You know, prove it. But it's amazing. You know, that's why you... No, no. I'm going to sell a kilo of Coke to a guy who doesn't do Coke with me. I don't do it. I'm a businessman. Really? That's the weird fucking thing, man.

Fucking really? You know what I'm saying? That's the weird thing, man, where, like, the cop, the CIA agent, or whoever it is, begins to turn into the thing that they're hunting, begins to, like, get sucked into that, and then they're the criminal, too. Listen, you have to. There's no way. Look, when you go talk to attorneys, if you ever get then they're the criminal you have to there's no way look when you go talk to attorneys if you ever get in trouble when you go talk to attorneys

you're gonna talk to these dudes that are very book smart the attorney you want is the guy that knows his way around the court system the guy who went to college with the judge who's gonna cut a deal he went to school with the district attorney you follow me you got these guys that are very book smart yeah they know the fucking law and litigation. That goes so far. It's the motherfuckers that could cut a deal. Same thing applies with cops. If you're going to bust a criminal, you got to become a criminal. You got to think like him.

That's why these guys, they show you all straight laced. That's bullshit. You got to think like him. There's no way a guy that looks like whatever is going to con you into selling him an ounce of mushrooms. You follow me? He's going to have to look like fucking Charles Manson. He's going to have to eat a couple mushrooms in front of you. Then you'll get him an ounce.

There's no way. It's common fucking thing. How many times have agents had to do acid in front of people? Trust blowing a fucking gas. Tons of it. The CIA used to do acid all the time. That's how acid got into the United States. FBI does it. a fucking gas. Tons of it. The CIA used to do acid all the time. That's how acid got into the United States. FBI does it.

Local fucking county. Listen, they have county sheriff undercovers. Those are the filthiest undercovers there are. Vice are the filthiest undercovers there are. And once you hang somewhere and you see them come in. See, when I was in Boulder, I worked at the puddle car wash. So they had a contract with the town. They would all come in.

They would just go around with confiscated cars. So if you're a cop in Boulder, if you're a cop in the Boulder Sheriff Department, you don't arrest people in Boulder. You go to the mountains. And the undercovers from the mountains come down to Boulder. So you're taking, let's say I confiscate Joe Rogan's badass car. I'm not going to drive it around Boulder. That's dumb. People are going to go, that's Joe Rogan's car. No, I take that same car and I go to fucking Colorado Springs. And I become a cop. And that's how they do it.

They don't take your stuff and use it in the same county. I became friends with a lot of those county guys. Those county guys had beards. They reeked of booze. They were out every night. It's weird that they can confiscate your shit. They confiscate your shit, though. I watched an episode of Top Gear, the American version,

where they confiscated a Corvette Z06 and they turned it into a cop car. Yeah. It's amazing. A drug dealer. You're in jail watching TV going, that's my car. That's your fucking car. It dies. It's amazing about this deficit that we have.

Because if they confiscate all this fucking blow and cash every year, where the fuck does it go? Where the fuck does it go? Hey, are you from Grove County? Yo, Tarzan, you from Grove, Columbus, Grove County High School or something? You know where that is? In Columbus?

Worthington. You know where Grove is in Columbus? No. Grove something? Grove City. Grove City. Let me tell you how bad a shape Columbus, Ohio is in Grove City.

To play high school football, you gotta pay $150 a semester. As a fucking parent for your son to play in a public school, dog. They had to cancel the program. The band of Grove City is one of the top five high school bands in the country. Don't exist no more. Don't exist, dog.

So you wanna talk to me about sending motherfuckers to Mars and shit again? You have to pay high school now for your kids. And it's going to be a growing thing across the country because of the fucking school budgets. That if your parents, if you want to play in high school sports now, by the year 2015, you're going to have to pay for your son to play high school fucking sports, my friend. So put that in your pipe and fucking smoke it. It's on tonight with Magic. If you go home and watch Real Sports, they did a pretty nice thing on Magic motherfucking Johnson.

They said that's the cover. He went from dead man to a fucking gazillionaire. He went from a fucking dead man to being a fucking gazillionaire. So watch Real Sports on HBO. They always do beautiful fucking things with that shit. Pay $150 each parent for each kid. Kids, you beautiful fucking things with that shit. Pay $150 each parent for each kid. Kids, you know, brother, in the city.

They can't afford it. It's ridiculous when you think about how much money gets spent on other shit. Garbage. You know, there's $6.8 billion is what we spend a month in Afghanistan. $6.8 billion. That's bananas. $6.8 billion. They could... That's bananas.

$6.8 billion. The astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson said that they could come up with some incredible Webb Space Telescope. The government pulled the plug on it because they didn't have the money. They didn't have the money

to discover new planets and possibly search for life or figure out what got us here or what could prevent the demise of the world. Instead, they got all this money for Afghanistan. Why are we still in Afghanistan? new planets and possibly search for life or figure out what got us here or what could prevent the demise of the world instead they got all this money for afghanistan why are we still in afghanistan anyway we got bin laden what's the deal well if you talk to the really crazy people they say heroin talk to heroin yeah they say heroin the really uh crazy conspiracy theory guys they say that

it's all a big heroin operation well yeah, because if you want to fund black operations, you do it with drug sales because it's untraceable. So if the CIA wants to do completely untraceable operations, they just blow, they confiscate it, or heroin. Well, when we had guys on from Vice, vice.com, they were just saying that essentially there's no other way it could be happening because 90- plus percent of the world's opium and heroin comes from afghanistan and we're in control of that area and there's video

footage of soldiers that are actually like guarding the fucking poppy fields it's craziness it's like you look at it and you go this is bizarre shit how is this on television how is this real it's it's all the shit that people in conspiracy theory chat rooms have been saying forever. Well, you got Oxycontin. What's Oxycontin? Synthetic heroin. You got all these pills that we're losing our minds over. Heroin. Not to mention

how much of a fucking profit. I invest $50,000 in a pound of heroin. I could chop that motherfucker up. I could make my profit 10 times. I could walk out of there with $450,000 on a fucking kilo of heroin right now today. If they could ever really prove

that the government has always been selling heroin, that would be insane times. If you really found that out... When you say the government, though, it's not really. They're all different branches and shit. You can't really blame the FBI if some DEA guys are selling heroin. You can't blame the NSA if the CIA is doing something.

Because I guess they're kind of all different organizations. But if we found out that one of them was actually long-term selling heroin. If you watch, let's say we all see the American Gangster. We all saw the movie American Gangster. How the fuck does a black guy from Harlem... You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

If a black guy... If a black dude ends up... You know what's funny? It's such a proud moment in black history that you got to fight for the negativity. No, he did that shit. No, fuck that, Joey. A black man did a black man there's a black dude from harlem there's nothing there's nothing how does a black there's no problem end up in fucking vietnam cop and heroin guys yeah you think that

date and that thing was just made for him he had help you think that that was no yeah some somebody comes up and goes hey sure fuck the guineas i know where to get some fucking heroin for sure we're gonna take you to Thailand. Thailand? Yeah, let's go to fucking Thailand. Not only just to Thailand and into the city, but into the jungles where they fucking process it. You've got to be wild.

A white dude, a black dude is going to go in there just like that. That's what you're trying to tell me. And come back and go in with 200 million cash. Yeah. That's what you're trying to tell me. So he did that alone. And I'm not taking away nothing from no black dude.

I'm just saying. I'm just saying that, you know, first of all. There's no winningness if I fight for this. A brother wouldn't go nowhere with 200 Gs. He got 200 Gs. I ain't got nowhere to go, dog. You know what I'm saying? I'll sit here till there's 200 Gs.

200 million, whatever the fuck he took over there. That's a wild way to live your life, man. A lot of people don't believe that story anyway. No, they don't? Really? Yeah, yeah, for real. There's people disputing it in Harlem. Oh, really?

What are they saying? They're saying Frank Lucas didn't do that, and they just say he was a chauffeur. There's people that downplay him. Oh. Yeah, he's a chauffeur. He didn't do that. It's just, you know. There was three or two of those motherfuckers. There was three or two of those motherfuckers.

There was two or three of those motherfuckers that ran Harlem in the 50s and 60s. And all they were were the same thing as my father. My real father came from Cuba. They needed a fucking face to go in there. You know, fucking Cubans ain't going to buy from no Jew. And the fucking Guineas aren't going to, the blacks ain't going to buy from no Italians. So they took this fucking, they took a couple black guys, and they made them, they said, listen, we'll cut you 30%.

30% of $500,000 profit, that's a lot of fucking money when you live on the fifth floor of a fucking building, dog. That's $150,000 a month, you know, times three or four. So they became pipelines to the black community. You know, there was no community. There was no genius there. The Guineas came to them. They cut it 50 fucking times and they gave it to the brothers

and the brothers cut it. Then they fucking sold it. If you went to New York and you grew up here, how many motherfuckers you see nodding at the light? That's why I buy my coke from white people. I'm not putting my shit up. Ian Edwards comic on Twitter,

you dirty bitches. Follow him. Follow Duncan Trussell on Twitter. T-R-U-S-S-E-L. We gotta end this. This has been going on for three hours. Oh, shit. Joe Diaz is on Twitter. Mad flavor. Mad flavor. M-A-D flavor. Thank

you to Ting. Thanks for sponsoring this podcast. If you go to rogan.ting.com, you can sign up and save 50 bucks off of any of the smartphones they have available. It's an awesome service. You don't have to have contracts. You can cancel them anytime you want, and you still walk away a bad motherfucker. Your money's safer with them. It rolls over. If you don't use your minutes, it rolls over if you like don't use

your minutes it rolls over into the next month you can have multiple people yeah they have a lot of good i didn't know i had a rollover that's even better yeah and they also have uh like say if you and i had two lines we could put them on one account and we could split the numbers like say if you have a family and you want to get a phone for your wife or your girlfriend or whatever or some son that won't leave your fucking house and you've got to pay for this little fucking puke, get him a phone. Show's over, ladies and gentlemen. Lost a lot of ambition.

Lost a lot of energy in this room. Feel it? Said no. Joe Diaz walked out, and it was just a fucking vacuum. Joe was passionate. He took the love with us. Thanks to Onnit.com for sponsoring us. Go to O-N-N-I-T.

Use the code name Rogan, and you will save 10% off any and all supplements. And thank you to everybody who comes to these shows and everybody who came this weekend in North Carolina. Duncan and I had a great fucking time. Thank you very much. Thank you. That shit was magical, right?

Yeah, that was the best. They're amazing. DeathSquad.tv. Go get yourself some Kitty Kat shirts by the great Brian Redband. Come see me and Brendan and Tony in Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, Ohio, November 10th, folks, at the Woodlands Tavern. So go and check that out. And if you've never seen Brendan Walsh, he's a fucking brilliant comedian,

very, very funny guy. And, of course, Brian is a silly bitch and very funny on stage as well. And Tony Hinchcliffe is up and coming, a very funny kid. He's a really good writer. I really, really, really like that kid. He's actually opening up for Jeff Garlin right now. Bam, son. See what I said?

Don't fucking doubt me, goddammit. Doug Benson is in the house, ladies and gentlemen, even though he didn't talk. Powerful Doug Benson. Nothing. Just thanks for being here, buddy. Just saying hi, man. I'm just letting the folks know that you're here. You affected this room with your mere presence.

DeskWad.TV. Go get yourself some cats, cat t-shirts. Get yourself and also recognize where the shows are taking place. And you can find out about Ice House shows and all that good stuff. And we have shows here pretty regularly. We're going to do them like Bob, the owner of the Ice House, ice house shows and all that good stuff and uh we have shows here pretty regularly we're gonna do them like bob the owner of the ice house asked me to do shows here on a regular basis on wednesday so that's what we're gonna try to do so uh um that's it you fucking freaks we'll see you tomorrow

with amber lion and uh brian when does uh kevin perera start noon tomorrow and we actually have semen on on uh tomorrow beautiful talking about the in the oh that's gonna be intense intense and dude straight out of compton we're gonna be talking about nwa um you know we say thanks all the time folks but we can't say it enough uh this uh this has been a very strange ride these uh last especially this last year or so of this podcast it's a it's a very strange experience and don't think that we ever take it for granted duncan and i talk about it on the phone all the time we're always constantly laughing about it brian and i talk about we we all this is a weird time for all of us but we appreciate the fuck out of all of it and all these people that come to these shows the the enthusiasm

the positivity the friendliness just we we blessed. We're just lucky as fuck. We're not stopping. We're going to keep doing this. Don't ever worry. We're not going away. We're going to move forward, press on, get bigger and better, and introduce more cool motherfuckers to you, like Ian Edwards, ladies and gentlemen.

All right, you fucking freaks. We'll see you tomorrow.