The Joe Rogan Experience - #278 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: October 29, 2012

Joe sits down with Ari Shaffir.

So we're totally back, right? Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day, Joe Rogan Podcast by night! Ladies and gentlemen, we had technological difficulties. Probably due to aliens invading our system. Or CIA and FBI. If you are FBI, I just want to say I love your work.

You guys do some great shit. Don't get us wrong. We're not enemies of the state. We certainly are not mad at you. Did you see Argo? Was that the FBI? No. We're not mad at any.

What we're mad at ultimately is that we're in a broke system. Not the people that are in the broke system that are just trying to make a living. I'm the last person that would be upset at the people that are – I think human nature, when you're inside of a situation, like when you have the kind of ultimate control of the people that are in the head of a government, anybody that would pass something like the National Defense Authorization Act or anybody that would... That's like you've gotten to this incredible position of ultimate control. You can do some really ridiculous shit. I feel bad for people to get to that spot. I think everyone is.

I think I'd fuck up too. If I could see I could start furrowing off money just to get a retirement plan for myself, I would just do it by the way that's Ari Shaffir that's Ari Shaffir everybody knows

it's Ari Shaffir it says it on the iTunes things yeah are we supposed to be like professional now dude I've gone fucking hours in

without introducing anybody like who is this I should say powerful Ari Shaffir former number one on iTunes bitches respect

how many weeks were you number one a full week a full fucking week suck it all you silly bitches suck it for your former number one on iTunes, bitches. Respect. How many weeks were you number one? A full week. A full fucking week. Suck it. All you silly bitches. Suck it.

Yeah, it was great. Yeah. That's validation. Yeah, fuck yes. I just thought it would sell okay. One of the coolest things about podcasting is that because of this network of podcasts that we've all put together, that we've all gotten to this

point now where uh everybody is you know getting recognized for their stuff you know duncan's doing these shows where he's fucking selling out like every weekend there are these crazy ridiculous shows he's doing like every weekend he's packing places yeah it's amazing and the club owners don't know what the fuck they don't get it they're like wait they're like what's happening we're all these freaks like all these freaks with cats on their shirts and they're good drinkers and good tippers yeah nice people and they're friendly cats and weird burt kreischer propaganda yeah burt kreischer every show i've never been to a show that didn't have a burt kreischer t-shirt yeah i really every show we go to i got an idea with one of those either tom or christina or duncan or somebody that they were like all these people go to see all of us so they should

offer like a you know buy four get the next one half price or whatever it is death squad members just like if you go buy a ticket for duncan and ari and tom segura then then callan is this much or whatever it is or get a package and split it up that i guess that would make sense except someone would have to organize that shit you know it ain't gonna be you so you get one of these grandiose plans you know i mean we could barely get these fucking podcasts out and i mean yeah for folks asking we're still in the middle of building this studio it just takes time takes time to put everything together but it should be get mexican labor closer next week than than this week. But it's going to be cool when it's all done.

It's going to be fun. It's a sweet setup. Yeah, man. It is cool that all this stuff is taking off. Yeah. It's beautiful to hear. Joey Diaz, his podcast is always in the top ten of iTunes now. He's killing them on the road.

I'm not sure what's happening now. In the morning, it does that at 5 a.m. Yeah. I'm not going to sleep for two hours. Sounds like such a bad idea. He's up to a podcast. It's awesome. He always woke up that early. Yeah, it's 5 a.m. I'm going to sleep for two hours. Sounds like such a bad idea. It's awesome. He always woke up that early. He's an animal.

He's the one guy, whenever I would do Kevin and Bean, I have to be up at 7 o'clock in the morning. I always call him. Yeah, you know he'll be awake. Yeah, we go have breakfast together. We've had breakfast together in Hollywood a gang of times. He used to call me sometimes when he woke up a little too early, and he would call me at 4.15 just to see. I'd be like, hello, and he'd just start laughing. He's to call me sometimes when he woke up a little too early and he would call me at like 4.15

just to see. And I'd be like, hello. And he'd just start laughing. He's like, you're still up. Breakfast in Hollywood is a weird thing, man. Oh, it's good there. Yeah, it's good.

Asher Burger's good. There's a bunch of good places. The Griddle, what is it called? The Griddle, yeah. But what's weird is the people that you run into. Oh.

You know, it's the weird is that vibe. Who's up that early in the morning? Just the Hollywood morning vibellywood is such a bunch of fakers fucking place yeah the percentage of fakers is super high yeah you feel that in the air you know yeah i feel like a lack of authenticity shitting me for no reason yeah just ask you what time it is just give me a story it's so hard to deal with people isn't it Ari Diaz and I by the way are doing the House of Blues in Chicago

powerful when is this happening? November 8th House of Blues in Chicago we're going to pack the fucking House of Blues in Chicago that's going to be fun man yeah that's going to be an event when people are driving in for that one yeah that sounds sick Ari Shafir what is it like man

just a few years ago you were in this like crazy struggle situation it's the best it's so much better you just get to go to these places and do your stand-up yeah that's all i wanted to do that's all i wanted to do is just go and tell the jokes i prepared yeah and no one would let me you would let me nobody else would let me I get to the end of a week I'm like so that was pretty good right I mean you saw

that was you think I can come back one day next to no money can I please and they're like yeah nah

I'm like yeah they didn't have faith it's the greatest I'm out but it's you know they've heard my album. You know what it is, man?

It's like water seeks its own level eventually. And if you had all this going on, if you were doing a podcast and everybody would come to see you and you weren't funny, it wouldn't be happening the way it's happening. It's happening because of hard work. It's like you're in this position. It's like the perfect time for you because your act is really strong now. Somebody pointed this out too. Got a lot of new shit. This is a weird thing with a lot of podcast people.

Because of that, the comics who do sort of an honest style of comedy, just an open and honest style, it's like there's a premium put on that now. Yeah. And so they've already been doing it. So it's like, oh, good for you. You're right at the right time. You're good.

Yeah, because it's very hard to do that style of comedy if that's not what you've been doing. If you've been doing a sort of contrived bullshit act, it's very tough to drop that and be real. Yeah, and early on, that's what everybody does. It's just like, here's a joke I wrote, I guess. Yeah, you ever go back and listen to some of your early shit? I put one up for Shits and G giggles once like an early early set yeah and then i was like this is just too no someone's gonna see this and think this is me it's just no taking this down it's so bad it's fucking hard man and then the worst too is people were writing

like so funny and i'm like you're wrong you're way wrong what have you liked everybody thinks they could do it though have you ever i mean everybody that's got any sort of confidence there's always that question man i've been thinking about doing stand-up prepare some stuff tell me what you think and they'll like go over the stuff with you and shit you're like oh god i express to you how terrible that sounds. I don't want to dissuade you, but fuck, man. I go, okay. I mean, who the fuck knows? They might be able to do it. But realistically, if I can give you an honest answer without hurting anyone's feelings,

you would have to tell them, look, you've just started this, so of course you're going to be god-awful. Yeah, that's hard for people to accept, though, especially smart people. Smart people think that, yeah, you know what, though, man? god awful yeah that's hard for people to accept though especially smart people yeah smart people think that yeah you know what though man i know stand up i listened to it i've watched on tv before i think i have an idea how to do it i'm just gonna bypass all that you didn't get that with fucking farming i'm gonna tell you how to plant a tomato 10 years in you'll be way better at it yeah that's with everything but stand up is if, what people don't understand when they're watching it is that there's a hypnosis going on.

It's not as simple as someone saying something and you're reacting to that. There's a little ride that a stand-up takes you on. When someone's good and you watch them, to this day, you get caught up in their groove, and you're like tuned into them. There's an exchange going on that it's not as simple as everybody wants to make it seem. Like you say something funny, ha, ha, ha, this person laughs.

It's not that simple. That's why when you say Tosh does something wrong by making a rape joke, you're like, you weren't there. You don't know about the whole situation he's set up for the last however long. He's built his crowd into something where now he can do what he wants. you're god shit i remember early on you

were like i can't open with that yeah i've tried it won't work you gotta give him like 40 minutes of like calm down before you can hit him with that yeah like the whole that whole thing that i was used to do on noah's ark yeah yeah how people used to would get upset which is hilarious yeah so you have to get them on your side first and And if you didn't, they'd be like, it's just not funny. Well, it's also then people didn't know what to expect. They would come to one of my shows and they would think they were going to get the guy from Fear Factor. That's all my fault, really, by holding it up and doing shit like Fear Factor and taking money for those silly shows. You set a bad precedent.

Were you ever like this? They had a cut where you're like, but fear is not a factor for you. No, it wasn't. It's never hard to do. I would never be so pompous to pretend that it's actually difficult to do. It's still an amazing job. When did you start getting high while you were doing it? Season two.

Not the first. Okay. Season two. So you knew it was coming back. The ratings were high. Yeah. Well, I just started getting high around when season one happened but i didn't get high at work see i know what to get high at and what not to get high at you went from not smoking at all to smoking at

work within a year oh yeah wow that's a big jump i was like this is fun that skipped a bunch of years yeah why uh yeah i right away went to feeling very comfortable with it, going on stage with it high. Yeah. Yeah. It's just right away I recognized that this is like some crazy truth serum. Like it's not. It's another thing.

It's not as simple as it seems. You look at marijuana, oh, those guys are getting high, and you're just escaping reality. You're actually doing the exact opposite of escaping reality. You're seeing reality. You're singing for what it is. Diving into it with the lights on as bright as possible. There's nothing escape about getting high.

This is what people don't understand. That's not what you're looking for, especially when you're smoking sativas, which is another problem. People don't know that there's two completely different effects, two completely different types of marijuana have. I feel like telling that to people when they say, I'm sure do too when they say like oh i don't like weed i'm like i don't want to insult you but like what weed have you had yeah you don't really know what you're talking about yeah you know and to people that say that it makes it oh it makes me sleepy

it's a well some weed can do that let me give you some other weed yeah look this guy was sleeping at a party and somebody drew a desk logo logo on him. Oh, my God. That is hilarious. Oh, my God. Meanwhile, how much did they finger this guy's ass? I know. Look at this. That is hilarious, dude.

They did the Death Squad cat on this guy's ass. That's amazing. I had that once in Israel. And they all signed their names all over it. Look, people signed names all over it. Like people signed names all over it. Just signing them. That's great. Oh my God.

That's amazing. I had a picture of me in Israel, my flight when I got there because the drinking age was 18. And I was drunk, barf in a sink, like leaned over it. Doritos in my ear and my nose. My friends had put all over me and toothpaste drawn on me. And that picture got back to my mom. I don't know how it got back there.

Oh my God. And they were so fucking embarrassed by it. Oh my God. How hammered were you? my mom i don't know how i got back there and they were so fucking embarrassed by it oh my god how hammered were you that you we didn't know limits tequila slammers you've ever tequila slammer oh my god the shittiest tequila put a little sprite in it in one of those triple shot glasses yeah just slam it and then just drink it yeah you have to learn limits huh you just keep drinking until you're throwing up like literally the literally, the last shot is going down. You're like, wait, hold it, hold it. Yeah, that's the problem with drinking.

You know, that's something we could use drinking shamans. We really could, you know? I mean, there's shamans for ayahuasca. Here's the deal. Why don't they teach you about it in schools? You're going to get into it, but they still don't bother teaching you? Well, let's just pretend. Like, abstinence is the best policy.

We should promote abstinence and why would you do that why would you ignore what's inevitably gonna happen yeah on that trip we went into phrase that second semester of senior year we all went there i was talking to more my friends about it like why wouldn't they tell us about drinking please people are gonna fuck too okay they're gonna fuck and they're gonna drink you know why because it's fun okay people are gonna fuck and people are gonna drink why don't they talk about that you can't be against educating people about condoms if you've ever seen an episode of 16 and pregnant you you you're no longer against condoms yeah you gotta teach these people there should be a better way than condoms there should be like a really

effective way there's something you can give you a shot. Yeah, it's called abortions. No. Just get an abortion really fast. Dude, if you have had an abortion with a chick or gone where a girl's had an abortion, you know what that's like. No, but if they make it good

with like lasers, like bam, you're done. You just got aborted next. Bam, you got aborted. If I could take a shot and be like, you'd be sterile for the next two days.

Like, yeah. What are the side effects? I know this girl that's on something that she gets a shot or something that lasts like four years. What? yeah what's it called the nuva ring yeah yeah she's like a total cum dumpster because of that because you can do whatever you want oh

yeah yeah she's gone so they have like four periods a year is that one of those yeah it's like inside it's four years why doesn't every girl same thing with girls on on fucking birth controls same thing with weed where it's like have you had all of them? Because there's new types now. But it's kind of creepy, though, that you're pumping chemicals in your body like that. Yeah. Like you're tricking your body into thinking that it's pregnant. I mean, I don't know. What is the long-term effects of tricking your body into thinking that it's pregnant?

I don't know. Is that okay? Delicious pussy? I don't know. No worry about baby? I don't know. Have them about baby? I don't know. Have them negative effects more than fucking having to work a second job at the docks? But those two things that people can't control when they're young is sex and alcohol.

Those are two things that you just, both of them, both of them are completely overwhelming for you. Dude, I saw one of those kids talking, and he was just some nerd who never got laid, some fat Mexican who never got laid laid and it was just like he was just like no i love you oh my god and it was like you don't know anything about anything and then a year later you won't talk to her and they're just figuring out who's gonna raise the baby it's just like you don't know anything yeah being a child and having a kid is first time fucked up it's fucked up for everybody it's fucked up for the kid too it's a mess but then the question becomes when you're supposed to prevent it?

After the fact or before the fact? And if after the fact, is it just you have to just accept it? Or can you have an abortion? Of course you can have an abortion. Of course you can. Living in a medical age. Okay, but to what age? How old can the fetus be?

Nine months. What do you think? I don't know. I don't know. What do you think, Brian don't know. I don't know. What do you think, Brian? What I do think, though, is that it's not as simple as everybody likes to say. No, it's killing a baby. Yeah.

Because we're adults who are making decisions, and we don't want to make this life yet. That's deep. That's deep. That's a heavy decision. You know? It really is. That's what we've put on human life. Yeah.

Before it comes out, we're like, let's kill it. When it comes to a certain level, it's like when it's a bunch of cells when it's like 30 cells yeah okay then it doesn't seem real then it seems like you'd be able to get rid of it and not even feel bad yeah but at what point in time how easy is it just need to market it better you know if it was like yeah it's really not so bad you know like a clever like person like betty white marketed for you i do like the marketing techniques they have is because the pro-life and pro-choice, when you think about just their names, they're not at odds. They're both pro-choices and they're both pro-life. Yeah, isn't that funny?

Pro-choice. Yeah. That's a funny way of putting it. Because otherwise it's pro-life or pro-death or pro-choice or anti-choice. Yeah, it's pro-life or pro-choice. Those aren't opposites. Yeah, it's one aspect of the subject yeah you know what choice are you making hold on you know you just can't just call it a choice choosing to kill

it's pro-choice everybody's fucking pro-choice it's just my choice is different than your choice exactly exactly that is a creepy thing though the idea that people would be anti-choice that's why when someone calls themselves pro-choice it like sets you up to fail when you're competing against yeah you know you're you know you can't they're saying they're pro-choice if they just were the pro baby killing party yeah who does that yeah that's what i'm in favor of that's not going to make you money i talk to girls before i have sex sometimes and like, you know, what have you had? And how do you feel about abortion? Whoa? It's a heavy conversation. I just like right away. Are you mercenary about it? I don't want to fucking get that thing

We just oh I didn't know that you would never have an abortion if anything happened Yeah, just cuz I wouldn't bother asking just saying the words once it's a little uncomfortable So I'm gonna raise some kid. I don't want for fucking right ten years or however long you have to once it's a little uncomfortable so i'm gonna raise some kid i don't want for fucking right 10 years or however long you have to isn't it crazy so you just i just ask isn't it crazy that would just you're playing like like when you're when you're not trying to have a baby with a chick you're having sex with her trying not to you're playing like this game of trickery with nature like nature's only rewarding you with those awesome feelings because that's how you make humans yeah you know and imagine how much it feels how good it feels if you're not even masturbating like if you're not masturbating and you're just a person and neither one of you

ever masturbates and you get together naked and you wind up fucking like oh my god of course you're gonna come inside her of course she's gonna make a person that's how they rocked it caveman days you wouldn't even think you were just like this keeps feeling good and they're like oh yeah it feels so good don't stop this stop they would never stop it was too people went oh wait a minute baby's coming let's pull out no no no and they had to figure out what makes the baby part every little bit about it no but if animals had to watch humans like animal planet version of humans they'd be like see this mating and then pull out and shoot it on the floor or something. They're like, what? You were so close. What are you doing? You were right there.

That's funny. I thought, I used to tell my friends in college when I was still a virgin, that masturbation was the same as sex. And they were like, Ari, you're wrong. I'm like, no, you guys are idiots. It's the same thing that's happening physically to your genitalia. How could it feel better? It's the same act. And they were like, you just don't get it.

How could you think that your hand could be as good as a pussy? Because you coming would be the same. That's you coming as you coming. Wow.

That's interesting. Isn't it funny that that's not the case? Yeah, it's not at all the case. Like when you're really into a chick and she's really sexy and especially

when you're a little drunk and you love each other and you come, like, oh! Golly. Boom! Golly! Golly! Boom! I feel so good.

Yeah, it's amazing. Sweet corn in the morning. It's supposed to be to make you make people. That's really what it is. That's why I feel so good. You can't even think straight. It's a biological trick. It's a wonderful one.

I'll just wipe off the tip and put it back in. It's made to perpetuate the species. If you had to think about that with a straight mind, wipe off the tip and put it back in. It's made to perpetuate the species. If you had to think about that with a straight mind, wiping off the tip and putting it back in would not be a viable option. How about this one? Just let me rub it on the outside. Has that ever taken place ever in the history of the human race? El Caco.

What happened to El Caco? That's on one of my CDs. That was on one of my CDs. Mi amor, Caco. Okay, I don't put it in. I just rub it on the outside. That's the best banish accent I've ever done right there. I've never been that on.

Me llamo El Caco. That's right. I forgot about that. El Caco. Dude, working at the store as a fucking doorman and cover booth guy just helps you so much. Watch all these fucking great comics. And you just watch them and learn. Yeah.

Their technique and shit. You get to see them do the same jokes a lot, too. Which is interesting as a guy learning how to do it. Because everybody wants to think as an audience member that a person on stage saying something, that's the first time they've ever said it. You really can't do that every time. I mean, you kind of can, but it won't be as good trust me you know it's better if we write stuff out it's better if we practice things a few times it's better if you get it on then there's certain bits no there's

certain bits where right out of the gate they're awesome it's cool but it's something that happens you can't guarantee when those are coming and when they're not you know there's some dude in indianapolis that came back to my show a second time because he came one night then he got my album which was different. Revenge for the Holocaust available on iTunes. Revenge for the Holocaust, ladies and gentlemen,

available on iTunes. iTunes, Amazon, see you, baby. But he was like, oh, it's different. So I figured I'd come back again and see another show. And he sat up front

and I couldn't even look. He was on my right. I did my whole act from straight to left. I couldn't even look over there. Oh, no. I was like, dude, you shouldn't come back. And he was same jokes that's so creepy it's a mind fuck i feel so fake yeah you gotta get over that son you are fake you're a big fat faker you didn't just think of something when you're up there god damn it two days in a row you worked

on it every night for six months i just realized now you didn't you fucking lying prick the desk what ohio guys they go to both shows they'll go to like the seven o'clock show and the nine o'clock for six months. I just realized. No, you didn't, you fucking lying prick. The Death Squad Ohio guys, they go to both shows. They'll go to like the seven o'clock show and the nine o'clock show. So it's just like, ah, you guys.

It becomes a bit of a gay circle jerk at a certain point. But at some point, I sort of get it where it's like, you can see like Monis Mal,

there's some band like two times in a row. Yeah. Oh, dude, I went to see Kennison more than once in a row. I went to see Bill Hicks twice in a row. I saw a bunch of, I went to see Kinnison more than once in a row. I went to see Bill Hicks twice in a row.

I saw a bunch of guys back in the day where I saw the same act more than once. Joe Lozon used to come to our shows when we did Night of the Way in shows.

Oh, yeah? And there was this joke I used to make about jiu-jitsu. Uh-huh. I guess I can do it now. I never do it anymore. But, like, the way jiu-jitsu was invented

was some Brazilian guy came home work from early one day came home early from work one day and found uh his wife did not have dinner ready for him so he's choking her because of that fucking choking the life out of her and the girl's father comes in because they all live in the same fucking hut in brazil and um he goes what are you doing you're doing it wrong you gotta fucking put hooks in and then come from behind. And that's how Jiu-Jitsu was invented. That's my theory.

But Joe Loza used to love that joke. And I was like, you've seen it, though. And he goes, that theory sucks. I was like, I haven't done any research on it. But he goes, no, I like seeing it slightly different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you're a fan of stand-up, then I get that. Yeah, there's certain guys that had jokes that I would call out for.

Like when Holtzman was on stage. How's your gay son? We would always do that. Because you know we'd drive him to a rage. He would do this joke about his son. Oh, my gosh. I miss that dude. Oh, that's a fucking funny guy.

I never see him at the store anymore, man. No, he's never there. All right, I'll admit it. My son's a homosexual. Brody's my new favorite to call out. Like, just hearing his jokes. Oh, yeah, we used to do that with Brody. He's been doing hour and ten minute sets the other day.

Really? He's been doing really long sets now. He closes up the main room show on Saturdays. That's awesome. And they all stay. The whole audience stays. I'm doing The Laugh Factory tomorrow night with Tom Herrera. I haven't done The Laugh Factory in decades.

Probably ten years. Yeah, I haven't done it in forever. But decades Probably 10 years Yeah I haven't done it in forever But I'm going to do it tomorrow night I think it's like an 8 o'clock show But I go on at like 9ish Somewhere around 9, 9.30 something like that Daddy Diaz just got back from Long Beach He said he loved it

Yeah we should all go there sometime It's too big you really got to fill it up I would like to see what it's like full But it's a rock venue It's a cool area I've stayed at the hotel a few times it's so here's how big it is when they introduce you by the time you can get to the mic it feels uncomfortable in that time we're like oh i should be talking now really yeah it's such a

long walk to them is it like a theater it was a fucking old rock place with a big stage so like 600 people maybe yeah something like that. Wow. 600, 700. So as big as Phoenix, the Stand Up Live in Phoenix? It's bigger than that. Really? Just because it's more stage room. Stand Up Live in Phoenix is 600 seats, right? 650, yeah.

650? It's bigger than 650. Wow. Well, the scope of it is bigger anyway. Oh, I see what you're saying. There might be more room to the wall and stuff. It's right next to so many cool stores and restaurants. That stand-up live is the most intimate 600-seat room you could get.

Because even though it was 600 seats, it felt like a regular club. Still run like a club that just keeps going. Yeah, it felt like once we worked out. If you came, ladies and gentlemen, the first show, there was a problem with the microphone. There was no monitor, so you couldn't hear yourself. There's a a rider somehow i have a rider that i didn't know is that weird shit on yeah and one of the things on is that i have to have a wireless mic i don't need a fucking wireless mic three wireless mics it's you know what it is i don't know what's in there i know it's for when you do like theaters like the more theater in seattle or whatever it was like

just to make sure you have everything right we need them because they don't know sometimes a stand-up but even then i don't need a wireless one. No, yeah. Kevin James. You don't need all the stuff. You don't need all the bologna and stuff. It's Kevin. I meant Kevin James' rider.

He gets red wine and white wine. Yeah, that's why I was like, why is there white wine in here? Bring me a Heineken. It's so weird. Or Coca-Cola. Heineken's usually there, too. Riders are weird, man. San Francisco this weekend.

We got Brian's coming with me. Where are you doing? Greg Fitzsimmons is coming as well. Should be a lot of fun. I thought that would be awesome. We're doing the Knob Hill Masonic Center. We're going to do that on Friday night. And then Seattle on Saturday night, the Moore Theater.

The Moore Theater is sold out. That's a really good room. But there's still some tickets left for the Knob Hill show. So that's San Francisco Friday night. Greg Fitzsimmons, who's fucking hilarious. If you've never seen Greg Fitzsimmons, you stand up. Greg and I started out together, like literally like a week apart from each other, way back in 1988.

And I've been friends with him ever since. He's a fucking hilarious stand-up. Like he's really fucking good. So I'm really excited to give you guys a fun show. And if you haven't seen me in there for a while, I got a lot of new shit. So it's going to be real fun. So Knob Hill, Masonic Center, Friday night and then the Moore Theater Saturday night.

I think the Moore sold out though. How big is Knob Hill? I don't know. It's like a couple thousand seats. Wow. That should be cool. Yeah. Yeah. Can't wait to see all the Asians. That's a massive show. Yeah. Yeah. I just was talking to him and I I just thought, like, maybe it would be cool if Greg would come with me on the road,

do a couple gigs here and there. He's so solid, too. And I would love for people to see him, you know, people on all these shows to see him, you know. I think one of the coolest things about doing this podcast and doing all these shows is that we can all sort of blow each other up. You know, we can all show everybody who Brian Callen is, you know, show everybody who Duncan is and you are.

Yeah, with Hollywood style of making it, there's only a certain size the pie is. And everyone eats a slice. But now there's just an unlimited pie. Yeah, there's like you can have your own pie factory. Yeah, pie factory as much as you want we all have our own pie factories yeah it's fascinating it's a really interesting thing man yeah so tell me about this hunting thing so yeah um so i went hunting who'd you go with with callan brian callan and uh this dude named steve ranella was this a cougar hunt? How dare you. Bazinga.

How dare you, Brian. That's the kind of hunts Brian understands. He knows how to track that prey. He walks in all drunk and limping. Yeah, he told me. He was like, where's Rogan? He was like, Rogan's in Minnesota, fucking. No, Montana.

Montana, hunting. Went hunting in Montana. This dude, Steve Rinella. I became a fan of his show. He had a show on the Travel Channel called The Wild Within. He's an author. He knows a lot about the history of the Wild West, and that's one of the coolest things about the weekend

is getting to talk to him about Wild West stories and shit. Oh, dude, he knows everything. He knows all the different incidents between the Indians and the white men, the white men breaking the treaties and the wars that took place. And we were camping on the Missouri River where Lewis and Clark camped. Wow.

That's where we camped. And we did all our travel by canoe or by hiking. Really? Yeah. It was fucking intense, man. So when you hiked by the Missouri River, was anyone else around? We saw in the five days we were there, we traveled 40 plus miles down the Missouri River.

Yeah. And in all that time, we saw three other boats. Whoa. And even when you got off and was walking around and stuff? Well, once we got out at the very end, we were in a place where there was a bridge and there was cars and traffic and stuff like no but over those five days down uh over those five days we saw nothing but canoes we saw three or four canoes it was mostly just us and we had a satellite phone in case we had like an emergency um and what we did was we pulled in we got there uh on monday and on Monday, we got in a plane.

Or we got in a boat, rather. Rode down the river. Got on a plane. What the fuck am I talking about? Got on a plane to get there. We had to drive two hours from Billings to the river, to the Missouri River. Billings, Montana is a very small place, but a very nice, cool, small town. All right, call up a map.

Map! Map! small place but a very nice like cool small town call up a map and uh map from there we drove two and a half hours to uh the river and then the mayor did you say what you say the mayor no no i said we drove to the river okay okay we drove to the river and then once we he's too high for my fucking story he asked for a story and he's too high to pay attention did he just ask did you drive the river? No, he said the mayor. Did you say the mayor? I thought he said the word mayor.

Dude, I'm telling a fucking important life-changing story and you cunts are ruining my timing with every fucking breath out of your shit-spewing mouth. I'm trying to tell you about a beautiful life-changing experience. So we're on this river. The first night we get there, it's pouring rain. We sleep in tents.

It's fucking freezing outside. I mean, it's really cold, like 33, 34 degrees. Just cold enough so that it doesn't snow. But the rain comes down. It's just ridiculously miserable. Then we get up in the morning. Did you have warmers or anything? No, just sleeping bags. Were you at that night like i this was a bad idea no part of you no man

i was committed i was 100 committed i was like look if i'm gonna do this i'm gonna do this the right way with this guy ranella believes in is what's called a fair chase hunt and what that means is like there's certain people that have like uh they have property like a giant ranch and it's like a high fence. And so there's all these deer inside this ranch, and you set up a stand, and then there'll be a little feeder that goes off. And it goes off at the same time every morning, and it drops food. And the animals come in to get the food, and you blast them. Oh, that doesn't seem fair.

Exactly. Just trick them. It's murder. I mean, not just trick them. I mean, it's like the ultimate setup. You may as well just get your food at the supermarket. Exactly. Exactly.

And if that's how you were approaching it, I can understand that. Like, say if you lived on that farm and that's how you – We eat deer every day. Yeah. Look, if we had – that's actually smart because it's a lot smarter than going hunting for it. You should control your environment better. You need that food. It's not like you can do it like as a sport but we uh we went we went and did everything the hard way

we we hiked every morning uh for about three miles uh over this mountain these like these hills that were made out of they're made out of like a clay. That used to be the Great Inland Western Sea. Great Western Inland Sea? Great Western Inland Sea. And during the Jurassic period, there was fucking dinosaurs there, and there was fossilized... It was a shallow, warm water ocean where Montana is. So when you're walking around there, you find like fossilized shells. Really?

In the strata, when things break off. They also find buffalo skulls all the time in the strata you know like when things break off they also find buffalo skulls all the time like in the strata because well what does strata mean you know how the earth has like layers to it uh-huh those layers if you cut a slice through the earth those layers represent eras you can tell by how far it goes down by whatever measurements how many thousands millions you know years it was and you saw like a place like cut out and stuff yeah you see like fossilized shells like on the ground i mean it the the place it's called the badlands all right and it is really it's it's really that's cool intimidating it's a very very intimidating place because there's this river and then there's these fucking mountains that are covered with this clay shit

and you're trying to walk in it. You're sliding all over the place. It's really difficult to get a footing. It's essentially silt. Silt from the bottom of the ocean. It's covered this whole thing and it freezes up and then it gets wet

and it gets wet, it becomes muck and then it freezes up again. So when it's hard, you can walk on it, no problem. But when it becomes wet, it's just a fucking crazy nightmare. So we were climbing these wet hills of this shit.

And it's exhausting. I mean, really exhausting. And you do that for several hours in the morning. And then we would go and row. Row the canoes downriver for several miles. And then once we would get out, then we would go and hike for several more miles. To get back into where? And look for deer.

Okay. You pull up your canoe. You set camp. and then you go and look for deer again. Are there any bears or predators there? Predators. We saw mountain lion shit. And do they attack humans a lot? No. There's too many of us, and we have rifles.

We probably would be safe, but you never can tell. If you're in the wrong situation at the wrong time. They're really hungry. Yeah. If a mountain lion's old, if it can catch a deer anymore you know if it's starving if you catch it you could just catch them but where you were camping at night like by the river that was okay yeah well we were camping at sites where you're allowed to camp you know you're allowed to set up and we you know after the first night it stopped raining so we we made fires but the the nighttime

man when you first of all it's fucking freezing like it got down to as cold as 12 degrees did you count and spoon no we didn't spill we slept in separate tents we're all sleeping outside i mean we're outside in the fucking i mean you you have to zip yourself up in these you wear wool underwear you wear like thermal like like long john type wool underwear and then you wear on top of that like a thick pair of these wool pants and then on top of that i've got you know uh above me i've got a wool long long underwear top and then two layers and then a jacket and then a down coat over the jacket and then i'm inside the sleeping bag in the down coat with the hood up and the hood on the sleeping bag and you're barely

able to do it it's it's fucking cold But once you get in there for a while, especially once I've realized to sleep with the jacket on, like I thought I should probably take my layers off, but it was too cold. It's, you gotta really, yeah, it sucks.

It sucks. Zero masturbating, right? Yeah. I held my loads. I held my loads for strength and it, it benefited me for my endurance. Cause it was, it was a difficult thing to do.

You know, it seems, it seems like, you know, you're whining about, like, I work out. I do tough stuff. I do hard kettlebell workouts. I do jiu-jitsu. Very difficult things. But this hiking shit, when you're hiking around in mud all day uphill, it's fucking hard, man. You really get winded.

Your heart rate gets up. It's a really good workout. And it feels like honest. Like you're really fucking getting some. You're really doing something. And you get in the boat. So I was enjoying it from an athletic standpoint. I was like, this is a good workout.

Was it warm at all during the days? No, it was never warm. It never got more than in the 30s. The warmest, it was never warm it never got more than in the 30s it was like the warmest it was probably like 34 35 degrees like every time we were there our water would turn to ice it was always constantly turning there's probably more people there when in the summertime and stuff yeah yeah i'm sure but the sun that's not when the hunting season starts if you want to go deer hunting see this this area is it doesn't have a lot of biodiversity, according to Steve Rinella,

but what it does have is it has a lot of certain types of animals that you could find. You don't see a lot of animals, but every now and then you'll see a deer. There's one. Every now and then you'll see a ram. We saw a lot of rams. Rams? Yeah, dude. Whoa.

They're fucking impressive. These bighorn sheep sheep and they're walking across the tops and the ledges of these mountains and you're watching them just like really, really perilous situations and they're walking like they're so sure-footed. It's really kind of crazy to watch. And they're so

badass with their curly horns. No, I don't think so. I don't think you have to... I thought they'd ram humans if they got too close to them. Well, you shouldn't get close to them. But I think if you're not trying to do something to them. They didn't seem to be interested in us. Apparently, that's a really hard animal to get a tag for, to hunt, because they reintroduced them to Colorado, and they built up the numbers.

And so it's very difficult to get a tag, especially where we were, to hunt them. It's not like when you go hunting, it's not like when you when you go hunting it's not like everybody can go hunting like if say if there's certain species it's very hard to get a tag for it even if you live in that state so they only say like let's say only 10 people can hunt these things yes exactly it's one of those things and you might have a million people that are trying to hunt right you know but deer is one of the ones that you literally have to hunt. If you don't hunt deer, then they have starvation issues. They have overpopulation issues.

They interfere with traffic. It becomes a real problem if there's roads or anything where people are driving along. Because these animals, in order to get food, they have to travel all over the place. A lot of them are nocturnal. They'll run across the road. And there's certain parts of the country right now where if you're driving around the road at night, it's fucking scary. You could slam into deers left and right. I don't remember.

I think it was Iowa. There's some ungodly amount of deer are killed in car accidents every year in Iowa. It's like 100,000. Because it runs into the— Because there's so many of them. They're fucking all over the place. And for people that don't understand how conservation works, it's really interesting. But the majority of the money, in fact, all of the money that goes to wildlife groups,

like the groups that put bag limits on hunting, you know, whatever the agency, whatever name for the agencies they are. I don't know what they call themselves. But whatever they are, fish and game, you know, whatever that is. But all their money comes from hunting. So all the money for regulating, like, the population,

reintroducing animals that were wiped out. All of that comes from hunting. And there's some people, I can understand their point of view. Some people think that we should have no hunting and, uh, you know, that,

that hunting is cruel and that killing animals is cruel. And I, I, I can totally understand that point of view too. I can totally understand farming animals. Well, I like, look,

the type of person that would say you shouldn't kill an animal because killing animals are cruel is a nice person. That's a person that wants to be nice to animals. So I can't see how I would want to argue with that. You know, I can see your point. But ultimately, if I look at it pragmatically, my thoughts have always been that, listen, these animals are going to die. Whether we eat them or whether a coyote eats them or a mountain lion eats them. We found giant mountain lion shits with hair in them.

Deer hair in them. It's really creepy. You're just thinking, this motherfucker killed this deer with his face. What a badass cat this is. Did you see that video of the coyotes getting killed by the wolves? Yes, I did.

They rip it apart. They don't have hands. Do you see that video of the coyotes getting killed by the wolves? Yes, I did. Oh. Yeah. They rip it apart. Rip it apart. They don't have hands. Well, the wild is a very fascinating thing, man. And being out there for five days with no cell phone, no internet, no TV, no radio, just sleeping outside, eating outside for five days was very strange. And you're stalking an animal.

Yeah. You're stalking animals. And occasionally we'd see them, but they were too far away. And we had to get upwind of them. If we were upwind and the wind was going down to them, they could smell us. So we had to make sure that we were always in a situation where the wind was blowing towards us, like from the animal to us, so that the animal couldn't smell us. And we had to creep up on them. You would see it from like far far away and then try

to track it down we see him from far far away and then we would duck behind things and then we would try to go all the way around like depending on where the wind was it's very important how far down we first of all we smelled so bad we were there with no showers for five days okay Okay? So you could smell my ass from Mars, right? Oh, Brock. Your ass must have been terrible. I thought of pits. Ass.

Yeah. You're taking shits in these eco bags. It's like the whole thing was horrific. Inno bag. Yeah, like this certain type of bag that's for human waste so that you don't leave your shit laying around on the Missouri River. What's wrong with your shit? It's gross.

People don't want to step in your shit. Meanwhile, there's cow shit everywhere. What do you mean? It's fucking wild. Because it's not wild. It's fucking death. Human shit is like one of the worst things you could ever encounter. Yeah.

Our diets are disgusting and non-natural and filled with preservatives and things that fucking ferment inside our assholes. Then it comes pouring out in the most wretched smell ever even dog shit doesn't smell nearly as bad as human shit human shit you can smell when a dog is shit in the house like i think a dog yeah yeah human shit it's like oh what the fuck or a few go shit like i had the biggest fogo shit the other day and i put a i wanted to just put a 20 bill on it and not flush it so somebody would try to grab that $20 bill just to see it. Because, you know, I don't want them to come in and just flush it.

I just want them to take a look. Just try. Anyway. So we're out there for, you know, two, three days. The third day was when I killed a deer. And we were, before that, we had seen a couple of them, but we couldn't get close enough to shoot them okay hold on how far down when do you have to be like if you're two miles away you're okay

but like how close can you be you can be close as long as the wind is going from them to you and then it's a matter of sound but then if it's not if it's going towards them like how far away do you have to circle around them it all depends because it's not a distance thing it's a being behind things thing and it's being above them thing. It's a being behind things thing, and it's a being above them thing. Ideally, you want them below you, and you're above from the top of the hills. For the snow? Well, also, you have more shots at them. You have more opportunities.

If they're going up over the hill and you shoot at them, they take off over the top of the hill. They're done. You don't know where they're going. They went left or right. You have no idea where they are. But you're already over the hill. Yeah. If you look down on them, they take off over the top of the hill. You don't know where they're going. They went left or right. You have no idea where they are. But you're already over the hill. Yeah. If you look down on them, you can see where they are better.

Okay. So you can scan more area too. It's kind of hard to figure out where they're going to go. It's a really interesting thing because you become a part of their world. I mean, you're walking around. You're living outside. You're doing this for several days and you're becoming a part of these animals' world. You don't talk all day.

All day is spent trying to walk as slowly and quietly as possible, stopping every 15 to 20 seconds. It sounds like awful. To scan the horizon, to look around for these animals. So you're doing this all day and you're not you're not talking you know very rarely it's like you know maybe he'll say okay we're gonna try over here now at this point are you tracking anything yeah sometimes we see a lot of tracks you see a lot of deer footprints we saw elk footprints a lot of ram foot but we saw an amazing amount of rams it was incredible how many of these big horn sheep

we saw are you following the tracks are you just walking, you're following the trails that the deer's traveling, because the deer's traveling trails, and then they'll go off into the wooded areas to bed down. So they get up in the morning, and in the morning they're up, and they get water and eat, and they'll stay active for a little while, and then they start going in the midday to bed down, and then they come out when it gets dark again. We had one come through our camp while we're sleeping.

You just found out later? We heard it. You just hear it go it gets scared it's it came through the camp and as it's in this camp it realized like oh my god i'm surrounded by ogres the monsters that want to eat me are right there and it sort of freaks out and starts stomping its feet and uh i bet they could fuck up a tent if they wanted to oh yeah it could of course it could you know i mean they're not aggressive it's not like they would do that unless they were threatened yeah you know they're they're they're clearly prey you know they're clearly made of yeah they're they're clearly prey for all these different uh predators like especially mountain lions but humans of course and that's what they're they're worried about wolves they just want an issue they just want to walk around and eat leaves they want to fuck that's what it is it's getting close we

weren't there during the rut during the rut it's really crazy because the deer get super bold because they just have hard-ons and they just want to go fuck and they'll just like walk right across the street and like look at you and you can blast them it's like it's uh it gets to be really it's really like a ruthless trick you you know, because they're being silly. That's why people put the smell of a deer on them, a female deer. Yeah, yeah. Well, they spray it on them. They'll spray it on things.

You know, there's, I think some places that's illegal, though. There's different places, like, that have different laws and regulations. I learned a lot from hanging out with this Steve Rinella guy. It was a fascinating thing. You should have those rules. Like, girls shouldn't be able to dress like sluts unless they are. You know what I mean? It's not allowed.

Yeah, absolutely. Because the deer comes up and he's like, oh, can I fuck? Oh, it's some other thing that I can't fuck. So if girls were trying to rip you off, like if girls were professional gold diggers, they shouldn't be allowed to dress like sluts. Yeah, unless you're willing to back it up. Okay.

So if you are a female deer, yeah, you can make that smell. That's okay. It seemed like that would be very stressful. Did you ever get to a point where you're just like, all right, I really just want to just yell and tweet and fucking walk around? How did that feel? No, no, no.

That was the interesting thing. I was able to sort of accept that this was how we're living for the next few days. And I didn't look forward to it ending. You didn't bring your phone with you? No. Well, it doesn't work. There's no cell phone reception out there. Nothing.

You can't get anything out there. But I knew that going in there. And what I was thinking was, like, this is going to be an interesting opportunity to sort of get off the grid for a little bit and see what that feels like. And one of the weird things about getting off the grid for a few days is that you've got a lot of energy, man. You've got a lot of energy.

When you're walking around, going after these deer, and then in between you're rowing your boat. Even when you sit down for a few minutes, you're not exhausted. You don't want to take a nap. Like, you have energy. It's like, dude, I think that's what people are supposed to be doing. It comes from, like, smartphones? People are supposed to be working and doing things physically all day.

And when they don't do things physically all day, they get exhausted. I really believe that. I think if you look at our past as when we developed, you know, back to the time where people just first started storing foods and developing clothes and making weapons and figuring out how to hunt animals, we were in motion all day. Whether we were building shelter or collecting food, we were in motion all day. And I think that's our default. And when we sit down, like at a desk desk and you're sitting in front of a computer

or you're sitting there and just sitting in front of the television, I think your body gets confused as fuck. I think your body's like, well, we're just not moving, so I guess we should sleep. I was like, yeah, why would there be a reason to just not move? There's no reason. Unless you're sitting down at the end of the day eating. That's why I think that being in front of a computer or being in a cubicle,

like doing that all day, like sitting in a desk all day, is probably terrible for your body. How do we do that? Terrible for your brain. How do we do that? Sit and fucking surf the web. We should do a walking podcast. Even this right now.

It's like we're not doing anything. Yeah, but we're having a conversation. This is the best way to have a conversation is in a way that you don't have to think about your body you know you shut it off and relax

we're standing up you know we wouldn't be having as cool of a conversation because we would be maybe we should try a standing up podcast no no

a walking podcast where we just go for a nice walk that's not a bad idea but of course it would be me going like this

dude this fucking sucks I want to go play Pokemon hey Pokemon is um I don't know this is the first thing that came to me um

is there a um like a thing that we could get like the Bigfoot Hunter guys oh right do a podcast oh so show us

yeah wandering around Pasadena we could do a blog we could totally do that let's just go on a hike to Canyon Canyon. Yeah, that's a good idea. Well, that's too pretentious.

How about Griffith Park? Go to the zoo. We would find people that would put their resumes in front of the fucking camera. That place is filled with so many fucking annoying douchebags.

Yeah, we should totally do that. I took a lot of photos. Let's go to the zoo like that. I took a lot of photos from this trip. Old zoo. I took a lot of photos. Let's go to the zoo like that. I took a lot of photos from this trip. Old zoo. I took a lot of photos of the animal.

I mean, I showed you a picture of the animal that I shot. Yeah. So what happened was on the third day was when we had gone hiking through the morning, and then we went and looked for deer. We didn't see anything. We saw a couple. We didn't get close enough to them to get a shot of them. And then we rode for a few miles down the river, and then we stopped at this one place.

And we traveled about a mile in this long field. We're going up all these hills, and the director spots this deer. So there's one deer one deer that's all it is the director was he like action no no director had the director also works as a cameraman and is a fun his name is mo this is all recorded hard yeah it's for a tv show dude wait that's what you went hunting for yeah yeah television show oh really yeah yeah i can't wait to see it it's all we's all, we have full documentation. A lot of funny moments? Oh, yeah, my God, so much funny moments, because Callan went with me. So they had to hike with all their cameras and shit?

Well, they hold a camera. They have a camera that's not light, okay? These guys are in serious shape. Mo is this, the director's this big strapping guy, and he fucking, he's hoofing it, man. I mean, this is a real workout. And Ronella, the guy who's the star of the show, he does this shit all year round. So he's hoofing it man i mean this is a real workout and ranella the guy's the star of the show he does this shit all year round so he's in serious shape for this like he's in really like there's like a type of shape that you get in for hiking like it's a hiking

shape and he's in like great hiking shape and so uh he takes these really perilous paths too it was like a lot of times i was like whoa this is like tricky shit because i'm carrying a rifle you know i'm carrying a rifle when we're climbing up mountains and it's, it's, it's, you know, it was no joke, man.

We did it. We did the whole thing the right way. I mean, it wasn't, there was, there was, this was like a hundred percent wild animal. Most likely this deer had never seen a person before.

Yeah. We, I mean, we were in the bad lands of Montana. It was like some serious shit. Right. So we were getting over the top of this ridge and we uh we look over and mo sees this deer so we have to creep up on it and we have to creep up on it and go upwind of it yeah or downwind rather

so that it's it's scent is coming to us and ours is coming in and so then uh we got a shot off at it um at 200 yards i at it at 200 yards. I shot it from 200 yards. And you killed it? Wow. Now, how did you know how to use the rifle the right way? He showed me how. He showed me how two days before.

It was pretty simple. I shot guns before. Were you standing up or lying down? Lying down. Lying down on the ground. You had a scope and everything? Yeah. And you had to correct to see how far it is?

I had to have a scope because it was 200 yards away. It was really far. Yeah, this is what I figured out about bullets is the gravity hits them, so they'll go down the further it is. So you have to know to aim slightly up if you're 50 yards away or 300 yards away. I think the scope is designed for that. Yeah, it tells you how far it's going to go. Yeah, but not for high-powered rifles.

It takes a long time before they change trajectory. They go pretty straight for a long time. I mean, it's like a really serious rifle. So the deer drops, and I didn't even know he dropped. Like, I shoot it. The whole thing mean it's like a really serious rifle um so the deer drops and i didn't even know he dropped like i shoot it the whole thing it's it's a really tricky thing like shooting something first of all you're breathing i'm breathing heavy like i we we had you know done all this crazy hiking and my adrenaline's flying because i'm trying to relax and tune in and i don't want to hurt this thing you know i don't want to i want to shoot it in the leg and it runs away

we can never catch it again. You know what I mean? It bleeds out. I wanted to do it correctly. So I wanted to make sure that I had a good shot. And I dropped it with the first shot. It wasn't dead. I had to kill it.

I had to drop it, hit it with the second shot. He wasn't dead? No. He was going to die. I shot him through right right above like his heart. And so it would have taken, it like hit his spine. What were you aiming for, the heart or the head? He aimed for the heart.

Okay. And so then you had to walk up to it and shoot it or you shot it again from right there? I shot it from a distance. How far away? Pretty close. I got pretty close to make sure that I didn't miss. 10 feet? No, it was further than that.

With the rifle again? Yeah, with the rifle. And then I finished it it was very intense man because then right after that we're gutting it and it's hot okay and I made like a real conscious decision to do this

and I know I got a lot of criticism from a lot of people that said you shouldn't go hunting you shouldn't kill something this is like so horrible but here's the issue man it's like a lot of these people that I'm talking't go hunting, you shouldn't kill something. This is like so horrible. But here's the issue, man. It's like a lot of these people that I'm talking to, they're wearing leather shoes. Okay? You got leather in your car interior. You eat burgers and you got no problem with it.

You have lasagna. Until they find out the iPhone is made of one. This is my point of view. It's not that I want to kill animals. I'm like a mean person. I want to go out and kill these beautiful animals. But I eat meat. And I've eaten meat my whole life.

And I've taken no responsibility for how that meat is acquired. I read all the shit about farming. And I don't want to be attached to that. I don't want to be attached to factory farming. Yeah, there's a huge difference. Oh, right, right, right. I don't want to be attached to the way they treat animals, where they essentially have them live their entire lives tortured in cages,

feeding shit food that their body can't even digest to fatten them up, and then we kill them and eat them, and then you just pick it up at the supermarket, completely detached from the process. It just is meat you know and so i i knew coming in that this was going to be a weird experience like how was i going to address this was i gonna was i going to um like was i going to enjoy this was i going to feel terrible and become a vegetarian like what how was my reaction to it when you walked up to it how did you walked up to it, how did you feel?

When it was dead? No, before you shot it the second time. I felt like I have to kill it. You could see it close enough to know it was actually breathing and stuff. Could you hear it? Yeah, you could hear it, yeah. What was he doing? He was just struggling.

Yeah, he was struggling. And so you went up there? He wasn't moving much. I mean, he was going to die soon. But I had to make sure that I took care of it right there. And look um it's look it's it's uh it's very strange the whole the whole experience is very strange the whole experience of of tracking them down is strange knowing that you're tracking them down to

eventually eat them you know and then when you're actually eating it it's like you know that that night we sat over the campfire yeah and we cooked liver and the heart and the kidneys. How did you get it back? Did you camp there? No, we had to bring it back. How did you carry it back? We cut it up. Cut it up first, and everyone takes a piece?

Well, we did the first night. We took the organs out that we could use that you'd eat. You don't eat all the organs, but you eat the liver, and you eat the heart, and you eat the kidneys. So we took all that stuff out. What did you do with the rest of the organs we um we pulled it out and we were going to use it for catfish bait but you just leave it there we wound up leaving it there and other animals would eat it yeah like almost immediately the ravens will find it and when the ravens find it then the the coyotes will figure out where the ravens are and the coyotes will go to there it's like nature has

this really efficient system of uh cleaning out things yeah so it's like nature has this really efficient system of cleaning out things yeah so it's really amazing when you so we leave the organs um take the the edible organs and then leave the body overnight because it takes a few hours to part it up and okay to clean it and leave it there there's no it's 30 degrees outside so it's like a refrigerator so you tie it up to make sure that nothing can get to it but there there's no insects there. Everything's so dead there. If it was warm, you couldn't have done that. Or what's, what's the,

no, you couldn't do that. You can't leave the meat out. If it's hot out, like if it's in Texas in August, you shouldn't, how long do you have like that? Cause they always kill it.

It doesn't like go straight to her fridge. That's a good question. I don't know how long you have some time, but if it's hot out, you don't have nearly as much time. That's when people salt things to preserve them, right? Yeah, but that's not what they do with wild game. That's what they used to do with meat back when they didn't have refrigerators.

I don't really totally understand how that works either. But maybe bacteria doesn't live on the surface with the salt or something. I don't know. So it was so cold out, we just left it there. You can leave it there. It's like leaving it in the refrigerator. It was like a mile from the camp, so then we had to walk back from the camp. Carrying these big pieces.

Yeah, we had to take it apart. How much did that buck weigh? It was about 180 pounds. 180 pounds. So you guys had to split that up? Yeah, we had to chop it up and carry it out. It was a lot of work. That was the most difficult thing, was carrying the buck back.

Actually, no. All the hiking together, all of it was pretty hard. The really slippery slopes were probably the hardest thing. But the most difficult thing is staying calm and shooting the animal. And then making a decision. Is this really what you want to do? What are you going to do? You've already made that decision.

But I wanted to know i wanted to look the the detachment that a normal person has eats meat i don't necessarily think that's healthy i think that we have uh we've removed what it is from our heads and we're just acquiring meat we're just going to a supermarket and acquiring meat and uh i think that that lack of connection i don't know i think ultimately it's not it's not healthy and i think it's it's not natural i think it's weird it's like being to know where the food comes from it's like being born rich or something you know it's like you don't really appreciate it or understand it coyotes do that what do you mean they just grab food that somebody else killed they kill things too dude they're out there that's a hard scrabble like you don't really appreciate it or understand it. Coyotes do that. What do you mean? They just grab food that somebody else killed. They kill things too, dude.

They're out there. It's a hard scrabble life. You can't be picky and choosy when you're a coyote. What I mean is that like the idea of going to a supermarket and everything's prepared and packaged for you. You should come with head shots of the animal, like a photo of their face. This is me when I was a baby. This is me at one years old just learning how to walk. So you feel like now when you buy the meat, you'll sort of appreciate it more?

Well, I have a lot of deer meat to eat. Oh, you took it back with you? Yeah. Did you like it? It's delicious. It's some of the best meat you can eat. So now they say you want to get it clean so it doesn't taste gamey because it releases that testosterone or whatever it is, right?

Adrenaline once you hit it before you kill it? Yeah, they're going to have adrenaline no matter what, man. I mean, if it doesn't die instantly. But it doesn't taste bad. It's like a really lean, delicious meat. It tastes really good. For a lot of people, they have

a problem with killing things. I get it. You eat meat, but you don't like killing things. And I understand that. But I think being upset at someone be upset being upset at someone for killing something that they eat i think is a little bit hypocritical not a little bit ridiculously hypocritical it's and it's also stupid it's we're not being honest about what what we are as an organism we're not being honest about what we are as an organism if you're mad at people that hunt. Because every fucking restaurant you go to, everywhere you look has murdered animals in it.

That's everywhere you look. There is something different, though, to be part of the killing as opposed to being okay with the killing going on. It's like you don't want to be an executioner, but you can believe in capital punishment. Yeah, I guess if you weren't eating the prisoners after you killed them. You don't have to be the one doing the killing. There's a difference between doing the killing and just being okay with people getting murdered. I don't think the capital punishment argument works

because you don't need capital punishment for sustenance. You don't need meat either. People exist on being a vegetarian, but if you're consuming meat, you're eating it. That is a part of your diet. That's part of your everyday diet. Yet we have no connection with that. that was the issue that i had i was like man i feel like i just as a human going through this life if i'm going to continue to eat meat i should take a part

in the process i don't want to start a farm and go kill a pig on a farm no part of you want to just go to a go to a farm and say let's just just do that? Why? I think the best way is this animal lives a totally natural wildlife and then boom, it gets shot. But can I just make an argument for them? Because I think it's fine to hunt. I don't care at all. But that deer would not have died. Yes, it would.

Whereas if you go to a... You don't know that. You're wrong. It wouldn't have died that day. Most of them die. Either they get killed by predators or they die because it gets cold out. That happens a lot.

It would have died eventually. It wouldn't have died died right then but if you go to a farm or just killing cows that that would have died right then just you're doing it wouldn't that be more of taking a part in the process i don't know what you're saying go to a farm where they're killing a bunch of cows today's cow killing day go there and say hey let me work the lever for a little bit let me fucking put a nail gun in his head well you know what that's like a semantics argument like why would you even care you're killing you're taking a life either way yeah it's like would you take a life that's destined to be taken and it's less worth it's less meaning that's a normal kind of meat people eat and that seems like if you're saying you wanted to wear a normal time deer is as normal as eating cows well first

of all two one people don't eat deer as much. Two, if they do... They do, but they have it. If they do eat meat, they usually get it from supermarkets, which are farmed. Today. Yeah.

Today. But throughout human history, people have been eating deer. If you're saying you want to take a part of what you're eating and say, I'm going to let my conscience sit on this and see this is what we're doing, then wouldn't you want to go

and do actually what you're doing to get that meat and not change it to a different way? I'm not sure if I'll. If you get your chicken from farms that kill 3000 chickens in a day, and that's where people get their chicken. Right. Wouldn't it be better if you want to see what it's actually like, where this chicken comes from?

Wouldn't it be better to go to a place like that where they're killing chickens all day and have it strung up and slice his throat than killing a wild chicken? Well, if you were dead set on eating factory-raised chicken, I could see your point. But if your point was that you wanted to be a part of what you ate, not that you specifically wanted to eat factory-raised chicken. You know what I'm saying? I think that the idea of an animal living a wild life and then its life ending in a brief moment because of a bullet, I think that is a more humane and more... I don't even like the word humane.

Because humane... What is the actual meaning of humane? Because humans, I don't think, are so fucking humane. You don't want people to suffer, I guess, technically. If you look at how we acquire our meat, that's not too humane at all. That deer wouldn't have died right then, where if you go to some farm, they would have died then. So it's like you can take a part without adding to the killing. I see what you're saying, but it doesn't make sense.

I think you're just baked. It might not make sense to me. I am baked, but it totally makes sense to me. I see what you're saying. You're saying you want to show that you're a part of this and know where it comes from. Most people do get their food. I also want to eat game. I think game is the best food.

I think I've said this for a long time that I think that there's probably more nutrition in wild game than any other kind of food. And I think that that's one of the reasons why they're so elusive. They know that they're like worth something. When a deer hears you and those fucking antenna ears pop up and they start looking, they know that they're like worth something you know like when deer when the deer hears you and those fucking antenna ears pop up and they start looking they know that they're like super nutritious yeah and there's a bunch of animals out there that are just trying to jack them they used to be a lot more mountain lions but apparently they have a good healthy supply of them now we didn't see any while we were there but whenever you have a lot of deer you have a

lot of mountain lions that's where they eat yeah that's what they eat. Yeah, that's what they eat, especially fawns. They'll go after the babies because they're easy. They can take them. I like how nature set everything up where it gives everything sort of a fighting chance. Like we're not going to kill all of you, but the ones that are too bold and go out away from the herd, you're going to get jacked. It's very fascinating to be, even though I went there with all these human inventions like tents and guns and all that stuff to be out there living in nature for four or five days it's a very very eye-opening experience man yeah there's a weird there's some weird primal shit goes off when you're out there stalking a

deer that you're eventually going to eat and then like later that night you're sitting in front of a campfire with a bunch of men and everyone's feasting on the meat from this animal and talking about how delicious it is and enjoying it. Yeah. It's very strange, man. Yeah. I can see where a lot of people would be uncomfortable with it. I could see where a lot of people would be angry, and, you know, they might be a little bit irrational and be pissed at me that I went and I hunted. But, you know, you're not mad at me when I have a cheeseburger.

I don't get cries in anger when I put a steak on the grill and take a photo of it, which I do all the time because I like to cook steaks at like 2 o'clock in the morning. Like a boss. What happens if you didn't find that deer that day? Do you have no deer? I've got to keep looking. No, we ate these freeze-dried foods. We ate these freeze-dried meals.

You open them up, and you pour hot water on them. And they had these jets, these flame jets that would boil water. And you turn the flame jets on, and you put this water canister over, and it'll boil the water. And the water starts boiling, and you shut it off, and you pour the boiling water into the bag. And you seal it, and you let it sit for a few minutes. And it's not bad. And you boil the water over it off and you pour the boiling water into the bag and you seal it and you let it sit for a few minutes and it's not bad you know they have like like and you boil the water over lasagna they sell that shit on amazon like a huge carton of just tons of those packs for the

stuff you know like if we go yeah um you'd be amazed at like you could actually survive off of it it's not bad it actually tastes pretty good. So the only thing that was ruthless is the sleeping outside. That's really difficult to get used to. Yeah, yeah. And the physical activity of stalking the animal. And then the reality of the shooting of the animal. That was intense. Because I wondered how I was going to feel about that.

I wondered if I was going to feel sad, if I'm going to feel bad. What was the feeling? I didn't feel bad. It felt very natural. And when you were eating eating it were you thinking about the animal you killed or really were you just enjoying a good well i was enjoying it i was thinking about the process in which uh you know it happened i was thinking about its life you know i i felt uh i mean it sounds very cliche to say you feel very connected with nature. But, man, that is the perfect description. It's like being connected with nature. You know?

And like, you don't have to eat nature to be connected with it. I know. But guess what, folks? When you eat broccoli, you're eating nature, you fuck. Okay? When you eat celery, you're eating nature. You know? When you eat beets, you're eating a living part of nature.

It just can't defend itself. It doesn't scream, and it doesn't try to run away. So you assume it's okay. It's not the same species as us, but we would be super excited if we found it on Mars. Okay? If we found kale on Mars, and some asshole came around and ate it. Kale on Mars. Yeah.

Why'd you eat the fucking Mars kale, you cunt? This is life from another planet, and you ate it. It's Mars fed. I'm going to get so regular though. And it doesn't mean that I didn't think that the animal was beautiful. I thought the animal was very beautiful. I'm amazed just to see them. I enjoyed seeing all the rams that we couldn't shoot.

We couldn't get a tag to shoot them, but I enjoyed seeing them. But I think that ideally I would like to eat nothing but game meat. I think that would be the best for me health-wise, and I think that it would be the most honest way to be a meat eater. So that's what I'm going to try to do. We're going to go again in the summer, and we're going to go hunting for caribou. Really? Callan's going to go again.

Try to eat those things? Yeah, they're huge. So you're going to have stuff shipped in from now on? Yeah, my meat is in Montana. It's on its way to me. They freeze it, and they send it. I don't know. I mean, more often.

I'm going to do this more often. Yeah. I'm going to try to go hunting a couple times a year. Can you just buy game meat? You could. You could do that too. But what you'd be buying is the animals, but they'd be in a farm situation. And you'd have to make sure that they were grass-fed.

You would want to make sure that- They don't have wild game that you can buy? No. No. I don't think you're allowed to sell wild game oh really yeah i think you have it has to be domesticated i think i could be wrong about that it might be different in each state as well is there any very is there any difference i know uh uh fresh water fish i think um tastes better the quicker you get it to the pan yeah but um salt water not as much of a problem

is there any freshness factor to it like well the organs yes you should cook the organs quickly as possible the organs are delicious like the deer liver is fantastic it tastes better right then than a day later yeah you don't want it but the the meat actually is uh according to steve ronell is better the next day it gives it a chance to relax and uh you know it's it's a very sinewy muscular animal so you have to prepare in a certain way yeah it's very little fat they're incredibly lean so when you cook them you have to make sure that you don't overcook it you cook it really quickly and uh you have it on the very much on the rare side really venison so it's called venison yeah or you could slow cook it that's the other way

too where it breaks it down like a pork shoulder you know they do that they slow cook it. That's the other way, too, where it breaks it down like a pork shoulder. You know, they do that. They slow cook it. So we'll wind up. I'll figure out, you know, how to cook all of it. Wow. Yeah, but I have like, that's probably like 60 or 70 pounds of meat. Is that why we rename, you think, all our meats? We don't do it with birds, but all our meats we rename so we don't have to talk about the animal that it is. Probably.

Like venison. Yeah. Deer and beef and yeah yeah cow becomes beef pork steer becomes beef yeah it's it's weird a steer you know we have to make a steer what's that oh it's a cow that we cut his nuts off yeah he doesn't steer he was a bull at one point in time but like yeah you're not gonna need those dude you. You're here for steak. I really need you that sinewy. I guess you can't eat a bull. I don't know. We don't want them to have their balls because I think they get rambunctious. Don't they squeeze the balls in bull riding contests?

Isn't that the way they get them going? Yeah, I don't know about that. That's what I've heard. They asked me to go on Celebrity Rodeo once. I was like, bitch, you're out of it. Doing this rodeo? Yeah, I was like, are you out of your motherfucking mind? You ain't going anywhere with a bull.

Are you crazy? Bull riding. Celebrity bull riding. And I was like, you're out of your mind. I think Stephen Baldwin did it and a couple other people. I'm like, you're just asking for your body to be broken forever. Yeah, not even getting stomped on, just the thrown from a bull. Dude, nobody rides a bull successfully.

It's just a matter of how long before you get thrown off. So that's what you have to deal with. That's the best thing. You ride it out. It runs out of energy. Then you just ride it. So stupid. Then you own it.

Riding a bull is so ridiculous. What was the feeling like after you killed it and you're frying it up or whatever? Strange. No, but the feeling of being able to talk fully for the first time. Could you talk then? Yeah, no, we talked around the campfire. We always talked around the campfire at night. It's just while we're walking around, we're trying to be pretty quiet.

Was that relieving every night to be able to actually use your voice? No. That seems more interesting to me than being able to talk. Yeah, there was a little bit of that. It was nice to go out to camp and fuck around. The guys were really nice guys. This guy, Steve Rinella,

he's got a great group of dudes that he's got working for him. He really, really put together an awesome crew and they have to be bad motherfuckers. Cause they're out there freezing their dicks off, sleeping in tents. And for them, you know, this is their job for me,

you know, it was like some crazy vacation and an opportunity to go hunting for the first time and, you know, and do this dude's TV show. Hey, buddy. But for these guys, the cameraman and the director, that's just an everyday part of their life. That's what they do every day. I mean, that's a fucking tough job. Oh, man.

You're camping outside most of the year. Because they always camp yes they always film that stuff constantly they're constantly camping they can't camping in montana they're camping in arizona and they film that stuff they're camping all over the oh is this a show that's already on yeah it's been a while what show is it it's called meat eater oh yeah the dude had a show on the travel channel called the wild within and it was a good show it's like a bear Grylls type show. What's that?

For hunting. Sort of, yeah. I mean, like one of the things he did was he hunted a moose the same way Lewis or a buffalo the same way Lewis and Clark did. He shot a bison with a musket, with an old school musket, killed it, and then turned it into a boat the same way they would back then. They would make like a boat out of these things and take it. They turned it into a boat? Yeah, he did that on the show it's a pretty interesting fucking show wow i really enjoyed it he's like a real wild west historian like he told us some crazy fucking stories about what different things that the indians had done to the white man the white man had done to the indians and

one dude um his uh he he uh he gave up but his friend tried to resist. So they took his friend. They butchered him in front of him. They cut him open. The Indians cut him? Yeah, they cut his dick off. They rubbed it all over his friend, cut his lungs off, rubbed all his friend. And then they told him, we're going to give you a head start, and then we're going to come and kill you.

And so this guy outran them. And he outran them and jumped into the river and hid in a beaver den. They have beaver dens everywhere. And the beaver dens, what it essentially is, is like the water's running there, and this guy climbed under the water and into a hole that the beavers had dug into the side of the river bank

so they could breathe in there. So he laid in there and waited until the Indians left, and then he walked 100 miles down to the nearest town barefoot and naked. And he ate a hundred miles down to the nearest town and barefoot and naked and uh he ate a rattlesnake and he ate a piece of how did it just raw yep and a piece of buffalo that he found as he was uh oh wait so the Indians killed his friend in front of this just to be more like me yep just to you know because the guy resisted who is this the guy that killed there's two guys yeah there was all these stories about what happened when the indians

ran into uh each other you know what's also fascinating what he told me was how how ruthless the indians were to each other or the native americans you should say each other like they were fucking jacking each other left and right in fact there was some that were near the in the great lakes area that were practicing cannibalism of other tribes on a regular basis. They were eating them for food. Imagine how harsh it must have been around the Great Lakes in the winter, how brutal that shit is. And I guess some of the natives that were here were ruthless,

and they actually wound up cannibalizing people. Wow, yeah. Yeah, eating people that were, you know, travelers. And what do the cowboys do back? Oh, really? Just like traveling by? Eating people. Yeah, man, you fuck up.

You know, you ride your fucking wagon train to the wrong town. And this town is with these guys that eat people. Is that like what we have for Compton? No. You just can't wear blue in certain areas or you're fucked up by accident? It's way nicer now than it was in the American Indian days. Yeah.

Can you imagine how ruthless? I mean, look, there's one thing to run into gang warfare, but bands of people that want to eat you. One saw me from 400 miles away or 400 yards away. I got to kill him or we're all dead. Yeah. Custer's last stand, he was describing, he's like a real historian, the Steve Rinella guy.

He's talking about all the things that happened during Custer's last days. One of the things they did was they mutilated all the bodies the Indians did after they killed Custer and his men so that they would have a shitty afterlife. They cut his dick off so he can't use in the afterlife. Cut his legs apart so he can't use his the afterlife cut his legs apart so he can't use his legs oh it didn't matter at that point anymore his arms out punctured his ears stabbed

his ears so he could uh he could listen to warnings better in the afterlife and they wow yeah because they warned him that this was going to happen to him yeah it's crazy and what's really crazy there was a guy named gall and and Gall was this big, giant Indian dude that was involved in the massacre of Custer's last stand, and he was involved in killing Custer and his men. And after it was over, he went on those Wild Bill's Wild West tours where they would show up in towns, and they would say, this is Gall, he's responsible for killing you know over 500 men and

the guy would like be standing there like sneering at people and he really was he really was the guy that killed custard and his men and there he was you could watch him i mean he was free to just be walking around and he you know he was a part of a war and when the war was over he hung out with wild bill and they they took him around i mean could you imagine make a living do you imagine if they did that with Idi Amin? Or if somebody, some warlord. Yeah, yeah. Some warlord was on some show.

All right, guys, relax. I killed a couple hundred thousand people. Yeah, what if Saddam Hussein was one day on one of these... He would definitely be on Celebrity Apprentice and shit like that. Yeah, could you imagine? He would do those. Celebrity Survivor. That shit like that. Yeah. After a while. Could you imagine?

He would do those. Celebrity Survivor. That's the future. That's when our civilization really goes to shitter. Yeah. Wait a minute. Why? Seriously.

Instead of killing... I know this is like running man shit, but instead of killing Charles Taylor and fucking Saddam Hussein and all these people, why not have like a... Let them fucking running man it out. You know what I mean why just so it's entertaining yeah that's when we get dangerously immoral yeah

and you're like this guy littered get him in there what if we can hunt abortions though somehow give him a fighting chance if you get shrunk down so you're in there with the woman interspace abortions could you imagine give him a fighting chance. Yeah. If you get shrunk down so you're in there with the woman. Like inner space. Inner space abortions.

Oh my God. Could you imagine talking to you while you're in there? Don't do it, father. Don't do it, daddy. Don't do it. Just like you. We're going to have

a wonderful life, father. Father. Not if you end it now. He's already creeped out. Hey, did you have a, did you, when you walked up to kill it after you like punctured it,

did you have any thought of like like I should say a snappy Like superhero line Yeah like you held your gun Upside down And you're like No it's so It's so Should have thought of that before

Oh no no Serious It's the moment is so Like it's so sober You know the one moment You just shot an animal For the first time And dropped it

And seen it flop Onto its back With its legs up in the air And it was like Trying to get up But it couldn't get up it was done you didn't think to say i guess the buck stops here pull the sunglasses up what is the dude's name the dude from miami csi what's that sound that he does oh god i guess the buck stops here, you son of a bitch.

How did... No, it wasn't funny at all. How did you decide who gets the shot? It was me. I had the show. I was with Steve. The show was about you. Okay.

And Brian Callum was off with another professional hunting guide. And Brian also was getting filmed with a different camera because you can't have that many people out hunting, deciding which animal to go. Did his go well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He shot an animal, too. So what, did you guys meet up at night?

Yeah, yeah, we met up at night. You knew where the camping spot is? Yeah, we met up. Well, we had a camping spot, and then we would go hiking, and then we'd come back to the camping spot, and then we would row together. So we would talk shit while we were rowing down the river together make jokes like brian callan is one of the perfect human beings to go on any long trip like that because he's so fucking hilarious and he's never

off yeah he's never off he's on the whole time it was a series of gay jokes that never ended or evolved but they they got more and more hilarious until the end of it. It was sick. I mean, this sounds like so disrespectful, but while we're like butchering the deer, in between it, Callan does this thing where he stands over the ravine and starts masturbating into the ravine. Just comes up with the, they call me the ravine comer yeah that's what i do i find a ravine oh i can't help coming i'm coming into the world he's like doing

this it was just it was so ridiculous you're not gonna be able to use that though right probably no but we're gonna we're gonna put it on the internet we're gonna put it on the internet because it was so ridiculous it has to go on the internet he had his tongue out and he was like making this fucking like really aggressive face and just shooting pretending to shoot loads over the ravine it was so it was so silly and so hilarious you know but it was also in stark contrast to what we're doing at the time which was butchering this animal you know when i gutted it that was that was the really intense part because it was just a few moments after i shot it and then all of a sudden i'm cutting it open and as i'm cutting it open steam is coming out it Like a tauntaun.

Yes. Well, not quite so bad, but very close. And it's really, really warm. Their bodies are warmer than ours. Their body is like 104 degrees or something like that. Did you get your hands in there and warm them up? Oh, yeah. Well, not warm them up.

I had to pull the organs out. Did they all, if you sliced it, did they fall out? Yeah, you have to slice it a certain way. You have to slice around the body, like pull it all the way up to the neck, and then you have to cut through the rib cage with a hatchet. Oh, God. Jesus. It's serious shit, man.

Is that your first time? You never did any kind of butcher stuff or anything like that? No, no. It's fucking serious shit. When you're eating a piece of meat from an animal that you saw bouncing around, and then you put a bullet into him, and then you go and open him up and take his organs out and then section his body off and then cook it need it like there

is no confusion as to where that meat came from and there's a complete direct attachment i said then it becomes sorry but then it becomes sort of a philosophical debate like is that what you want to do do you want to just kill natural animals and eat them or do you want to just remain to be a part of this sort of strange disconnect system where we are all getting meat and not even thinking for a second that that used to be an animal we have like no intellectual connection with the idea that that was an animal yeah we just eat it you know and especially we eat this really unhealthy stuff a burger looks nothing like an animal not even close doesn't even make sense it's it's weird it's fucking weird you know i'm not it's i'm not

outside that while you were while you're like eating this is like going through your mind no because i feel like i would just be like this is delicious while i was eating it i was thinking this delicious but i was also thinking man this man, this is a serious thing that just happened. And I've got to treat this serious thing with respect. And someone said on my message board once that hunting was psychedelic, that he felt hunting was psychedelic. And I was like, well, that's ridiculous. That's what sociopaths do.

It sounds like you don't know what psychedelic means. That's what I was thinking. How could that be psychedelic? That's like the opposite of psychedelic. You're like killing an animal. You're taking a life. But then in doing it, I think I know what he meant or what it could mean. What's psychedelic about it is that you are in a totally different world.

When you're there and you're in nature okay and there's no cell phone signal and shows no radio there's no media nothing is is in in front of you except nature and you're walking around in it all day looking for an animal and then when you finally lock onto that and you're doing this for days and days and you finally lock onto that animal and then you take that animal's life and you see it and you you become a part of this experience then eat this thing you realize like Whoa, all of a sudden like I'm in the wild like I am literally immersed in the wild I have just slept in the wild ate an animal that I shot in the wild killed it in the wild cooked it in the wild On some trees we chopped some wood and we made a campfire and cooked it over a campfire

I mean it is as wildlife immersive as is possible. And when that happens, man, it's a real paradigm shifting moment. And much like in a psychedelic experience, after it's over, you go, wow, I am going to take as much of that I can take with me. And that's going to make me a better person. That's going to make me a more honest person. This is certainly a powerful experience. I'm going to grow from it. I think about that almost every time I trip or have tripped, and that's exactly how I felt about this.

In that way, it's sort of psychedelic. Did you trip at all while you were there? Nothing. Would you have freaked out if you did, do you think? No, I wouldn't have freaked out, but there was no time to fuck around. I mean, it was a difficult endeavor. The way he does it, you don't have time to go do mushrooms and lie around the grass for six hours.

You're up wandering through the hills with a rifle, and if I had gone all the way there with him and then decided to just do mushrooms, that would be so disrespectful to his show and so disrespectful to what he's trying to do because what he's trying to do is with his show, he's trying to do these really difficult and challenging hunts. And he took me along to do it exactly the way he does it. You know, so I had to do it the way he does it.

Okay, picture this. Picture this. You go out, you hunt, you got that on day three. Why do I have a feeling this is going to be a gay question? You and Karen are sharing a tent. You're on Brokeback Mountain. It's beautiful. Okay, you get this thing on day three.

You're back to your last campsite. You still have a day and a half left. You're like, okay, we did it. That's amazing. You're coming to terms with that stuff. And you're undoing your sleeping bag and stuff. You're like, yeah, I should wear my coat. It's actually cold.

And you reach in your pocket like, oh hey guys i forgot these were in here i just found these mushrooms would you do them then um that's interesting everybody could do them the problem is um i would want to not be incapacitated in case something went wrong you never know what could go wrong when you're camping you know the idea that you're just going to sit there and you'll do the mushrooms for five hours and you'll be fine. That sounds good in theory. However, you need eight hours sleep, and you really got to make sure you get that because you've got a hard day ahead of you. And second of all, there's no five-hour breaks there between the light being off, eating your food, and then sleeping for eight hours, then getting up while it's still dark out. There's really not – there's no time to do it so i i wouldn't have done it because there was still

work to be done i still had to go back up there and get the deer itself and cut it apart and that that stuff takes hours it wasn't easy you know um oh you went back yeah so there was no time to do mushrooms and then the next morning brian got his so uh he helped me go and get my deer and cut it up. And that's when he was jerking off into the ravine, calling himself the ravine comer. But, you know, it was the whole experience was very surreal from the from pulling the trigger to watch the animal fall into its back. It's very surreal to, you know, ending its life, you know, to cutting it open and to eating it. It's pretty fucking to ending its life, to cutting it open, and to eating it. It's pretty fucking intense, man. And I think that's the most honest way to get food.

I really do. I think that's the most honest way to get meat. I can't say that I'm not in a position where I could eat all my meat like that. But I think that's the right way to do it. I think if I didn't have this kind of traveling stand up comedy schedule if I was able to live in one place for long periods of time I would do that I would get all my meat from game

I think if you want to choose to eat meat that's the most honest way to do it not saying there's anything wrong with having a steak what if farmers come to like the big city and be like dude you can just find meat at the supermarket. You know, it's just so much better.

Why are we fooling ourselves? We're doing this and this. It's the most honest way to get your meat. I think there's something about farming much like something about hunting. I think there's something primal about it. I do like picking something off a tree or bush and eating it right there. You know what? I like growing it.

I've been growing things lately, man. It's fun to do. There's something cool to that. You know, we went to Underwood Farms. They have this like a big farm where you can pick out your own food. You go and pick out your own pumpkins for Halloween. You can pick out like all kinds of different things that they grow there. And then you bring it back and you pay for it.

And I looked at it. I'm like, how difficult would this be to do? Because it seems like a really smart thing to do. To have like a bunch of food growing in your yard. It's so fresh. To have a place. What if we had Death Squad Farms? We all grew our food.

Hire someone to run a farm. Buy a piece of land. Set up an irrigation system. And that way we know where all our kale comes from, all our strawberries come from. That seems like that would be attainable. This is obviously step one on the way to the cult compound slash farm. But we'll start with a farm because nobody can argue with the farm.

If you start with a cult, then all of a sudden they're like, hey, man, you guys just can't go all culty on us. But if you start off with a farm and like, listen, man, I'm just into making tomatoes. How long? And then how many years before somebody's like, take up arms yeah pretty quickly i think right here as soon as you start killing deers then we need guns to kill deer you know that would be the shit if you could grow your own food and live off of wild game and vegetables that you grow and that is a very close

to nature way to live. The argument against killing animals, obviously, is they're beautiful, and why would you do that, and this and that, but the bottom line is you need to maintain populations, because if humans don't maintain the population, then we have to give up our spot as the number one predator and bring somebody else in to do it.

We've decided we would rather kill a deer than have to worry about hitting one with our cars. And worry about all the different predators that will grow in size and number if you are not killing those deer. Oh, yeah, because then they have more food. So it goes on from there. Yeah, that's, well, look, a lot of folks don't realize that wolves were a real problem in this world at one point in time. It seems so strange to say. But like Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood and all that shit.

What all those stories come from is at one point in time, wolves used to kill people. It was normal. In France. I got to pull this up because I saw this. I just want to make sure that I quote this correctly because it's crazy what that this wolf got really big yeah wolves killed like 40 people in the in the 1400s in france in paris 40 fucking people yeah the wolves of paris that'd be such a horrible way to die dude are you kidding wolf ripping you apart. The wolves of Paris. Oh, like walking dead. In 1450, the animals entered into the city during the winter through breaches in the walls.

They put walls up to keep them out. Wait, what year? 1450. A wolf named Cortade or Bobtail was the leader of the pack, and reports of the animal being reddish in color may be indicative of a Liberian wolf perhaps having migrated from the Pyrenees. Eventually the wolves were killed when the Parisians, furious at the deaths, lured Cortad and his pack into the heart of the city. And there the Parisians stoned and speared to death the wolves in front of the Notre Dame Cathedral. Wow. Nice. They speared them to death in front of the cathedral. They corner death the wolves in front of the Notre Dame Cathedral. Wow.

Nice. They speared them to death in front of the cathedral. They cornered the wolves. People were literally fighting for their lives against wolves. Wow. Do you know how horrifying that must have been? That's where the werewolf, the myth of werewolves come from.

Just some real wolves? Comes from real wolves and wolves being smart as shit. They're so smart. They seem like they're people. They hunt in packs. They have the alphas and the betas. They have a system. Powerful wind.

Solar system. What's that? How are they naming this murderer? They could blow houses down. Oh, in the old days. Yeah, in the old days. Before they started smoking. They got into cool menthols and they just fucking ruined their huff and puff.

They could put on old ladies' clothing, too, and try to to fool uh little girls yeah they could talk english back in the day yeah yeah um so so that's what always scares me about camping is like what if one of those things comes up at like my tent well it's a problem when you're not armed and it's a problem there's not that many of you you know when when we were with um the meat eater crew it was uh one two three four five six seven it was like all together there was i believe there was nine of us yeah so there was quite a few but if three of those big wolves just in the middle of the night just started oh yeah it could be a problem like how long till the first person wakes up gets his gun out yeah well that's the middle of the night did long until the first person wakes up, gets his gun out? Yeah, well, that's the movie The Grey. Did you see The Grey?

Yeah, but that's what I don't understand about The Grey. They always cut them one by one. It's like, just kill everyone. The wolves? There's 12 of you wolves. These guys can't do shit. That's probably the only realistic thing about the movie. They did it one at a time.

They're sneaky. Yeah, wolves are smart, man. They take their time. But when they all walk in towards the trees and the one guy fell back a little bit and they went nuts on him. Yeah. And the elk came and was like came like hey they just could have turned on the rest of them yeah but uh they might not have they might just that wolves are very clever man that might be a realistic part of the movie that they saw the people running back with guns that they

would run away do we heard those wolves kill kill a skunk when i was camping yeah it's just so the yell they let out it It's just so amazing. They all just start howling like, we've done it. Where I was, he didn't have to worry about wolves. We didn't hear him. But they do have them in Idaho. It's not that far away. You know, they reintroduced them to the United States.

In Idaho? Yeah. Why? Because they're worried about the ecosystem. They wanted to bring it back. They wanted to reintroduce the predators. It's really interesting because it's having a devastating effect about the ecosystem. They wanted to bring it back. They wanted to reintroduce the predators. It's really interesting because it's having a devastating effect on the game. But it's also to keep the game populations in order.

But now they're forced to have wolf hunts because the wolves don't have any predators. And the wolves used to have the predator, and the predator was us. So now people are hunting wolves. And now, of course, there's a lot of people that are upset that people are hunting wolves. And I used to agree with that. I used to say, wow, you can't you can't hunt fucking wolves that's fucked up why are you because i think there's something majestic about a wolf and there's something where you're not going to eat them and people were like why would you be able to hunt

wolves but now you can't eat them yeah but now as i get older i understand like you have to hunt them to keep the populations in control because if you don't then they start going after livestock and they will go after people a woman got killed by a wolf this year in alaska yeah if there's more wolves so that then there becomes less food for all of them to go around then as those wolves die out they get crazy at the end and that's when it becomes a look if you have an overpopulation problem of wolves and they don't have enough food that becomes a real fucking when there's plenty of problems that's the population go that's all fine yeah so when everyone's looking at these wolves right now and saying

like oh i think it sucks that the people after are going to hunt wolves like they have to hunt them now if you don't hunt them now we're going to get to a situation where it's going to be a problem and the last problem you want is a fucking wolf problem imagine wolves start just jacking people again on a regular basis and we'll think how fucking stupid we were to let ourselves get to a situation where we built the murderer population back. The people murderers. Imagine it was walking down the street on Pasadena, just a wolf. Don't

go outside for like all night. Packs of them, snarling, eating babies. Yeah, we just have bears here in Pasadena. They do. That bear that keeps on coming down from the woods and just going to people's swimming pools. Yeah, with its babies. It's come down with its babies before. They've even had, in Altadena, they had mountain lions

chilling in this lady's driveway. They had one in Santa Monica. Yeah, they had to shoot it. They had to kill it. Yeah, that was a big one too, man. Yeah, it was a big-ass fucking 200-pounder. Hey, we made an agreement. Stay over there, and we stay over here.

Dude, do you imagine? How big? I'm saying 200 pounds. I think that's how big it was. I don't remember. That's crazy here. Dude, do you imagine? How big? I'm saying 200 pounds. I think that's how big it was. I don't remember. How big is your big dog? Like 90 pounds? With Johnny?

Johnny is 140. So he's way bigger than that. Yeah. Jesus. Oh, my God. Is that true? Is it really 200 pounds? I know they get that big.

Was there any moment of like right before you pulled the trigger, did you like, were you just zoned in? Or were you like, let me think about what I'm about to do right no no no i didn't think that i just wanted to make sure that i got the right shot it's hard 200 yards is a really far distance to shoot you know that's why it didn't i tried to get the bullet to go through his heart it didn't go through his heart it landed right above the heart and a couple inches above the heart is where the spine is that's where it hit him and dropped him. Why do they tell you not to go with the head? Because it's harder to hit.

A mountain lion killed in Santa Monica is probably seeking a home. Poor baby. You think? It's probably just seeking a home. Yeah. How big is it? Come on, you fucks. While you're waiting for Joe to look at that information,

go buy Revenge for the Holocaust, my new CD on iTunes and Amazon. Powerful, are we, Shafiq? Wait, that was really weird that you called me Pokemon earlier and you had no idea that I had Pokemon in my car, Joe. Maybe I did know. Maybe I knew, you silly bitch. How would you know?

I never talked about it. Brian, I'm tuned into the universe. I'm a hunter now. Why do you have a Pokemon costume? I'm connected to the spirit of the wild. Brainscanning me, man. Why do you? Yeah.

It's really fucking weird, though, because I don't think I've told you. Dude, I'm a fucking brainscanner. Because it's Pokemon. Yeah, but we've never talked Pokemon ever. I've never talked Pokemon ever. But if any one of us would have a Pokemon outfit, you would be the winner of that gamble.

That's weird. The Christians would say this is a sign from God. I put it in my car on the way here. I just got it this morning. Brian, I don't know if you know this, but I know that you're a silly bitch. You're stalking me. You're hunting me, aren't you?

I know you're a silly bitch. I'm not. Wait, why do you have a Pokemon costume? I understand silly bitches. Oh, it's Halloween's coming up. Yeah. Fucking Halloween. I hate it so much's coming up. Yeah. Fucking Halloween. I hate it so much.

Word. It's so much pressure. I got a gorilla outfit, but it's way too hot. I don't see how anyone could wear a gorilla outfit. Why is it pressure, Ari? You're so negative and angry. You got to put something on, and it's like if you don't, then it becomes like, oh, you didn't do it.

Just get one of these. It's awesome. If you do, you got to explain it. I just want to, oh, come on. Ari, this is like pajamas. It feels just, it's so soft. You just put it on, and it just feels like you're wearing pajamas. You should wear that everywhere you go, just so people know what your real personality is like.

I'd be like mini Dean everywhere. Why fuck around, man? Just wear that everywhere. I know. That would actually be cool. If we never addressed it, if you wore that at every podcast. If that was my part. That's where you went.

Yeah, why not, man? Okay. Okay. It smells so bad. It's cool. I like it. It covers up your headphones. Yeah.

It makes you look mysterious back there. You look like that DJ. Who? Deadmau5? Deadmau5. Your Pokey mouse. Have you seen Deadmau5's and Kat Von D's Twitter lately, by the way? No.

Every single tweet is, I love you. No, I love you. I love you. They're in love, man. It's so silly. Are they dating? He makes good music. They live together now.

She's hot as fuck. God, it's the worst when people fall in love and they feel like we've, man. It's so silly. Are they dating? He makes good music. They live together now. She's hot as fuck. God, it's the worst when people fall in love and they feel like we've got to make it public as possible. Aw, someone's a hater. Everybody does it. It's so like, dude, nobody cares. It's worse than eating babies and shitting in people's mouths while they're sleeping. It's the worst.

The worst, Ari. The worst. The worst. The world. The worst thing ever, ever, ever, ever. I hate it. I hate it. It's just so annoying. It's just like, we get it. We're all bored with you

now. Can't you just let them be in their glory? For what? For like a month, they have to keep hearing about it, seeing a post about it. Look, he's so negative. It's not funny. He's so negative. What if they were tweeting on an airplane and they put their seats back and you were sitting behind them and they were tweeting? And they were tweeting. Picture it.

Oh, that'd be the worst, too. That's the worst?. That's the worst? It is the worst. Is the Holocaust the worst? No, none of that is the worst. He gets pissed. I had to sit in front of him Anyone who leans their seat back

all the way is just saying, I don't respect the person's boundaries in any way behind me or their feelings and I may be crushing their legs. No, they're saying, I would like my seat to go back.

Yeah, and I don't care about what anyone else is doing. That doesn't get your legs out of the way. It still crush what anyone else is doing See has a little button so what that's what you're So then you're allowed to go back as far as they let you exactly and what if they go to go a little further back? Would you go a little further back? As long as that was what was agreed to and what if they let you go all the way back to where you're lying on Somebody's lap. Would you do that? I think but would you use your own mind? There's somebody sitting back there? Or you need some yoga

and some Vicodin. I would never do that to someone. I would never smash their fucking legs with my chair. You're acting like it's a violent act. It is violent.

So you don't feel like you want to put your seat back at a point? I'm sure I do. I am so uncomfortable, especially being a tall gentleman. Yes, I do.

But I don't put it back because someone is sitting back there. No, but they're designed for that. Who put their seat back it's annoying you can't fucking you can't type on your computer somebody leans back you need to get rich enough to get a private chat you can't ever you can't ever look at your laptop when somebody's leaning back in front of you joe he's talking about coach i forget it's so it just shows a lack of caring about other humans no it doesn't are yes it does shows you want to lean your seat back.

Yes, I know that's the desire. That's the reason you're doing it. But everyone does it. Everyone does it. It's not a reason to do anything. It is because it's a comfort thing. Because everyone does it. And it's an agreement.

Yours leans back. If you know you're less comfortable when somebody's smashing into your legs, then do it to someone else. It's a horrible act. Listen. It's a horrible, selfish act. No, it's not. Yes, it's a horrible self selfish act no it's not you know how bad it is you have to deal if you were a one-year-old whose legs didn't go off the chair i could see it because he wouldn't know what it felt like to someone to go back on him

you are not able to use your computer at all you are a very tall guy and your legs get in the way when someone tries to lean their seat back if you cross in your legs you can't fit however me and brian are stubby and we fit in fine. So it's a completely different situation. You also are like, that's like a version of it being like a big, giant fat guy that doesn't fit in a seat. I actually kind of like it when I'm laying back, and the ones in front of me is laying back. It's like a little SkyMall blanket. I feel more protected, like no one's going to rack me in the balls.

Oh, SkyMall blanket. You guys are selfish. Selfish? Both selfish. That's interesting. I don't see it that way really causing someone pain and saying i choose not to think about it is not causing me pain man no it causes someone else pain back you haven't sat in coach in 12 years sat in coach this weekend yeah but hey it's it it's the worst i sat in coach if you have if you have your thing out and you're on your computer you can't be on your computer anymore no it's too far back yeah you can't that's it so that on your computer, you can't be on your computer anymore. No. It's too far back.

Yeah, you can't. That's it. So that's annoying, but you'll still inflict that on someone else for the joy of leaning a little. If you want to, you can do that. Yeah, you're allowed. The law allows it. You're not there to be on your computer. This is why government doesn't work, because everyone's corruptible. You're not there to be on your computer.

Everyone is selfish and looks at you. You're not there to do anything. You're not there to lean back. You're there to sit in your seat and travel. You're there to get somewhere. You know who's fault? We can make it less painful for people to look out for each other. It's the airline's fault, not me to do anything. You're not there to lean back. You're there to sit in your seat and travel. You're there to get somewhere. You know who's fault it is? It's the airline's fault, not me for leaning my seat back.

Yeah, I agree. No, because humans can't be trusted to think about others. You're like, they let me. Honestly, if they let you go as far back as you wanted, all the way back, a bunch of you motherfuckers would keep doing it. They would. They would. They would.

They would put their head right in your dick. They would. They was like, I don't know. It goes there, so I'm just going to do it. And then more people would get ahead, because girls just would not be able to help themselves. There'd put their head right in your dick. They would. They'd be like, I don't know. It goes there, so I'm just going to do it. And then more people would get head because girls just would not be able to help themselves. It'd be dicks right next to their face. It's an asshole move. We don't know what's happening.

I agree. Oh, Ari, you're really exaggerating here. I'm not. Wait till you read. I don't like it. It's selfish. Everyone knows what it does to people, but you do it anyway. It's just a small, selfish act.

I don't think it's that selfish. No, you don't. I think it's normal. Selfish people never think they're doing anything wrong to people. Oh, selfish people. No. It's just you're a very tall guy man it's very different for you than it is for me or brian okay so do you think there's a tall guy behind you do you look and say oh there's a tall guy behind me you're like a fat person on a plane you need to understand that you're tall you need to spend the extra 40 dollars do the business upgrade class or whatever

exit row i don't and that's if i see a short person behind me i still don't lean my chair back because it fucking disrupts oh you're a sweetie i'm just so selfless that's you ari i just like the fact that when somebody does lean his seat back instead of going ma'am i'm very tall blah blah blah he just goes and starts kicking it and like like hitting it well i think that was before he did mushrooms that was six years ago. But I still do get very annoyed. He gets annoyed, but he doesn't respond violently anymore. You don't do that? Sometimes I do this.

I say, just so you know, you're going to make this very uncomfortable for me and I'm going to have pain in my knee because you lean back. But I know you're allowed, but just know that's what's going to happen to me. Why don't you just ask them?

Say, would you please, would you mind, I have knee operations and I'm all fucked up and gangly. Would you mind just moving your seat up a little bit? I'm 6'3". I'm not that tall. It's not crazy. I'm 5'8".

Yeah, you are. That's so tall. You're taller than average. Most people are like me and Joe's size. Yeah, but you know where that difference is? You're just talking about knee to waist. Yeah. That's the only difference in terms of where it affects your seat.

What about cock? So those five inches. Did your cock get in the way, buddy? Seven inches. So my cock does not get in the way. No, it's going to get crossed up. It adds that much more. It cross-loads.

It cross-loads. Your cock doesn't get crossed up. You can do that weird thing where you can actually fold one leg over the top. My little troll legs don't work that way. Yeah. I can't fold my leg over the top of my leg. My legs are too fat. Try to do it. I can only wear certain types of pants. Yeah. I can't fold my leg over the top of my leg. My legs are too fat. Try to do it.

I can only wear certain types of pants. Most pants I can't wear. I can't, like Levi's 501s. I can't even get those on. If they fit my waist, they never fit my legs. They get onto my legs and they just lock up halfway. Really? Yeah.

Because you have thick thighs? Yeah. Because I feel like a troll. I'm 5'8", 190 pounds. And most of it's in my legs and my ass 5'8 190 you guys are both 5'8 yeah how much do you weigh 210 jesus men are so different than women if a girl ever did that to her friend what do you weigh 210 jesus you'd be such an end of the friendship isn't it funny yeah women are allowed to do that it's it's something they're allowed to do

they'll do what allowed to keep that you know like you know you're not supposed to talk about how much a girl weighs or you can't like ask her and then like get in her face like you fat fuck you can't say that putting it on the pounds lately huh yeah you can't say that you're an asshole if you do. But with guys, like who are you, you fat fuck? You know why? It's lack of respect. Lack of respect for women.

That's why we don't do it. Because we're like, they can't handle it. They're little babies that we can't fucking trust with real feelings. Well, we have testosterone, man. Testosterone is a ruthless fucking hormone. Speak for yourself. Some of us do. I'm getting there. I'm taking zinc for frothy loads.

By the way, Onnit is going to have a testosterone boosting formula. We found out there's a bunch of things besides zinc and magnesium. There's something called Tongat Ali, and there's a bunch of different herbs that have been shown and actual real clinical tests to up testosterone when you take them for more than 10 or 11 days. Yeah, Aubrey was saying that he tried the ZMA Max or whatever that zinc thing was, and it just made him shit a lot, like diarrhea.

Whoa. I didn't have that problem. No, I've never had that problem. He must have got a bad batch, or he was confusing it because he was also doing tequila and meth. That's tough to isolate. Yeah. I met a dude this weekend who had a stroke from meth.

Whoa. Yeah, we went to a bar, and this guy came in with his friend his friend was 25 years old and he had a stroke from from doing meth at 23 23 yep that's crazy yeah he's learning to like read reuse his body again it's fucking crazy gosh meth is a motherfucker wow that's one thing you have to deal with in like places like montana you know there's a lot of meth problems yeah those places i make uh jokes about pills sometimes and i i when i get away from la or new york i think oh you're not gonna get it because you guys don't and then it hit me like indianapolis kansas city i'm like oh yeah this is where pills are this is where meth is oh yeah

pills are everywhere man we we live in a really strange world because in the middle of this whole debate on marijuana that keeps going on in the public eye, when you see it on CNN. Pills are everywhere. While this is happening, while there's marijuana distraction, there are so many pill junkies in this country. Gosh, yeah, so much. Monster, monster numbers, and no one's doing shit about it. There's a lot of meth heads in this country, too, and no one's doing shit about it there's a lot of meth heads in this country too and no one's doing shit about it and then you see cops just dressing up like high school students and pretended to be high school students trying to get them to sell them weed and like really why are you not busting the meth labs you fuck you know you're not done you're not you didn't

do your work you're gonna go after high school kids marijuana high schoolers selling marijuana well it should be the last thing you have to get. Exactly. It should be. Even if it's illegal. We've cured all the murder. We've resolved who committed all the murders. We've put everybody in jail. We've cleaned up the streets. We're down to zero crime. Okay. How about high school kids who sell weed? Alright. We'll go after

that. Get all the other drugs first. We'll have utopia. Look at Ari. I look like I'm the guy in the front. You're so uncomfortable. Putting up a picture that's kind of drawn in the same way as the instructions that are in planes telling you where the exits are. But it's a guy very uncomfortable with a seat. Getting his knees smashed.

You should just jerk off into people's hair. It seems perfect. Just put it in there a little bit. That would be very, very rude. That would be a violation of personal space. It is fucking rude, though, how they shove so many goddamn seats onto a plane. I know. It's ridiculous.

It's like you're cattle now. Yeah. I mean, it's such not a seat. What is really funny is they tempt you at the airport. At the airport, you get to sit in those seats waiting to get on the plane, and those are great. Those aren't bad. Those are great. And you're like hey hey okay obviously you know what size seats should be okay because you got them everywhere you're teasing you're aware it's not like you have no idea of

what size yeah you got them all over this fucking gate they're everywhere and then i get on you're like oh we forgot we forgot we forgot what size it is we're gonna make them half that size right that's okay no it's not okay, asshole. Yeah. Callan and I were sitting next to each other, and I'm not a big guy, man, but I'm touching the airplane on my left side, and touching him on my right side. Can't we do

three rows of two instead of two rows of three? That's exactly what it should be. Yeah. Just make it tighter to get it round, but... It should be rows of two, and it should be more space in between the rows. Yeah. You know you know and i mean i guess you have to pay a little bit more for that and people don't want to do that but man i just feel like the way they're doing it now it's just it's so cattle like it should be beds like bunk bed style it should be people on top of people so like you're kind of laying down in like a bunk you shouldn't that wouldn't be bad people couldn't know like

on trains like all people be on the bottom some No, like on trains. No, old people would be on the bottom. Some old people can barely stand up, man. Old people have the seats. You can't crawl out and lay down. Just have a bunch of beds in the back. Yeah. People would start fucking, too. That's another problem.

That's what it is. That's not a problem. That's living your life. There should be a lot of fuck in your sky cabin. Yeah, you say that, Ari, because you're what's called a pervert. You're what's called a young delinquent Running around out there With no responsibility

Trying to fuck on airplanes But that's not good for society I've never fucked on an airplane I've jerked off on airplanes Has anyone not jerked off on an airplane If you are how dare you You need to take some more chances in your life Yeah

I just think that uh you can't give people too many opportunities to fuck they would just never get any work done yeah we'd never have ipads if you just fuck whenever they wanted to fucking yeah it would suck man what if they talked really loud oh yeah baby put it in my shitter like hey i'm trying to read yeah you whore a really fucking wh good book here on my iPad. You guys are going to make me jerk off. Okay, I'm going to jerk off. Mind your own business, man.

They fucked their heads up. Don't jerk off on me, bro. Take a picture. Listen, man, my loads don't shoot that far. I'm aiming towards you. It won't reach you. Trust me. You've got no Wi-Fi.

Can you imagine you just jerking off straight at the guy? He's like three feet away. You're like, don't worry, dude. I'll never hit. And then just by some crazy streak, you wind to hit the longest jizz shot ever. It's almost like you manifested it with the secret. My friend Josh made this bet with us that if he laid on a table, he could jerk off and hit the ceiling. Lower ceiling than this.

He's like, I'll bet you all right now. And we're like, literally none of us want to watch you do that what's up wow that's a guy who's just hoping oh gosh this isn't gonna work come on suck my cock who wants in that is it he just wanted a bunch of guys to watch him jerk off it was high school of course that guy's queer as fuck of course he would have just like come to it just dripped out cut to that guy right now is they're they're roasting him like a pig over a hole one guy's got one in his ass one guy's got one in his dick

and they got him hog tied they're just spinning him butt and mouth this is so much better than high school wouldn't even watch me jerk off there that guy's gay as fuck he's on a rotisserie right now spinning around cocks.

While people jizz on the sides and glaze them up. Can you imagine? Do you ever think back to scenarios that were gay before you knew what gay was? Or were aware that it was actually going to be around? I knew what gay was really young. Oh, really? Yeah, I moved to San Francisco. My family did when i was seven my and our next door neighbors were gay and my aunt used to go next door and smoke weed with them and get naked with them what yeah because

they were gay they didn't they didn't want to have nothing to do with her so she would take off they would all take off all their clothes they would get high together and they would all play bongos and i was like seven you know and i remember it like they were like really friendly they weren't was like seven. And I remember they were really friendly. They weren't creepy at all. They were very nice. They were very nice neighbors. Yeah, they were very nice people. That's cool.

And so my earliest encounters with gay people was very positive. It was like our neighbors were gay. Really nice guys. The whole neighborhood was gay. You're like, oh yeah, nobody's a big deal. Yeah. San Francisco was really fucking gay in the 70s. It's interesting how there's like places

that because well I was Asian back then too there was always a lot of Asians it was it's interesting how places back then like like there's like places that

are just decidedly gay this is the gay area like Santa Monica like here's the gay area this is Santa Monica Boulevard this is West Hollywood this is the gay area

my friend called it Mecca. Yeah. Oh yeah, sure. For gay dudes. Mecca. Awesome. Yeah. Gay dudes, man.

I'm telling you, besides the persecution and the fact that people don't want them to get married, they have the fucking life. Dude. You know? If they really enjoy being gay. I'll take a walk with you one day. Down near my place. No, no you won't.

I'll be in my car. Windows rolled up. Sunglasses on. You walk by these places no one recognizes Daniel Boone hat on fake mustache they all sit there and they're like and they get wings during the day and stuff and eat and drink and talk and they're all just smiling and happy great and it's like you're all just around pussy all day long yeah you're just in a good mood yeah they have

good jobs they don't wait everyone pays their own way and women will look some women get just happy some women get turned on by guys that are fucked up and perverted and aggressive and they get turned on by you know by just just just manly shit like manly violent sort of behavior but some women don't and they'll the one one thing is the women will never totally understand it because they're not a woman just like a man's never going to totally understand what it's like to be pregnant never be able to wrap your head around wanting a baby to grow inside you or wanting a dick in your mouth or in your pussy this you're you're not going to be able to wrap your head around that you're not a woman and i think the what gay guys

have going for them is they're fucking men they understand what it's what it's like to be a man there's no confusion they're turned on by men and they are men so it's like everybody knows what the fuck is up whereas it's not like this charade that you have to play when you're trying to get a girl to like you you have to ask for like a bj or something and hint at it if that was a man there he, he'd be like, oh, you're drunk. Let me blow you and get you to bed. Yeah. Yeah, well,

unless he was a greedy bitch and didn't want to blow you. Yeah. Just wanted you to blow him all the time. Apparently, that happens in a lot of gay relationships.

Yeah. There's this weird like master-slave sort of thing. Yeah. This right here too, it's mostly not butt-fucking. Yeah, that's what I hear.

It's almost all oral on handjobs. Handjobs? How dare you you how horny are you how dare they hand jobs also means inserting stuff into your asshole as they fuck oh well now you're talking a party i mean yeah that's like oh yeah i should have mentioned it's a freeze-dried foods once you had the hot water it all pops out yeah let the party beautiful like the fucking uh peter pan what was it we had water to it what movie was that it was some fantastical movie it's it's interesting that people have a problem with gay people it's interesting that people i think they worry about

gay people being pedophiles there's a big difference between being a pedophile and being gay and there's a lot of gay people that want nothing to do with young guys in fact like one of brian callan's friends was a gay guy and he was attracted to guys like john mccain's age he's attracted like older business my friend rachel's into girls that are older she was like yeah i'm dating this 52 year old now i was like ew rachel but then i realized the 52 year old's just getting a younger chick Maybe she likes it Because she takes care of her or something I was like is it all saggy and shit She goes Ari shut up

But I'm like is it? It is It's just wrinkly grey skin She just slaps it on her face Like a dead octopus Over your lips Over your ears All she does is stick her tongue out unenthusiastically And the big lesbian just grinds her cl. All she does is stick her tongue out unenthusiastically and the big lesbian

just grinds her clit on her tongue. Just keep her tongue out. That face hugger pussy just rubs up and down her tongue. She doesn't really lick the pussy as much as she just sits there with her tongue out. And this look on her face. He's like this.

This big fucking giant floppy face hugger pussy. Fucking right there. Oh, fucking right there, you bitch. Oh, keep your tongue out. Touch your tongue out. I'm getting thirsty. I'm almost done. I'm almost done.

I'm getting thirsty. Imagine someone's complaining. Like, you don't know. When you complain about getting thirsty, she starts from scratch, you fucking selfish cunt. Just keep your tongue out there and shut the fuck up. Do you want to drive a Range Rover? You do, okay? Well, this woman's going to get you a Range Rover.

But you got to keep your tongue out. It's a good deal. Keep your tongue out. It's a small price to pay for a Range Rover. It works off-road. Get you a Range Rover, you fucking bitch. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a good deal. It's a small price to pay for a Range Rover. It works off-road. Yeah. It's a Range Rover, you fucking bitch. Give you a fucking Range Rover.

The aggressive female gay type. Yeah, I went to the people with angry about gays. What is that exactly? They're fools. No, no. But what is it? They're confused. It's not just fools.

I don't think it's that. I think they're scared. They're scared that somehow or another, that the gay person somehow or another going to get a hold of them and and turn them into a gay person or something dudes are so scared of being gay that they will not let a woman you know touch their asshole or do anything with it because gay people have used that in an act somewhere they will not allow a woman to to make it yeah they can't even appreciate their own body in any way yeah we're suppressed we're all fucked up man i can't i can't fucking do that shit you can't some girls like i'm gonna strap on a dildo and fuck you i'm like i know that's not gay in any way you have butt problems sound like fun at all that does not sound like fun a girl putting on a

strap on a fucking you like who are you and what are you trying to do because okay you don't even feel that strap on, you crazy bitch. It's not like it's a part of your body. Patrice used to like fucking hookers with dildos. Okay. Like pushing it into him. I don't get that. I really don't get that.

Same sort of thing. Me neither. But everybody's got their own thing. Everybody's got their own thing. There's nothing wrong with it as long as you make an agreement with said hooker. Hey, listen. Right before I come, I've got to stick my finger in my ear. Yeah, you wrap it down yeah um it's uh you know sex is such a weird thing because it's all just about what

feels good to your body that's what it's about it's about people doing things to each other's body that make them feel good but there's so many negative connotations. First of all, the diseases. That's a big one. I read that, like, gonorrhea, that there were something like 300,000 cases of gonorrhea in America in 2010. In America? Yes! Yes!

300, I'll look it up right now, because I think, yeah, 300,000 cases of gonorrhea. That's one out of, like, 1,300 people. Yes. I know 1,300 people. Oh, of course I know someone with gonorrhea, too. Yeah, that,000 cases of gonorrhea. That's one out of 1,300 people. Yes. I know 1,300 people. Oh, of course I know someone with gonorrhea, too. Yeah, that seems about normal. Yeah, that's totally right. I would be more shocked with crabs.

I never hear crabs. Who has crabs anymore? I've never even heard of crabs. Did they kill them all? According to August 9, 2012, there were approximately 300 reported cases of gonorrhea each year. 300? 300,000. In America?

Yeah. In America. I was right. Wow. Now, is gonorrhea one that comes back and gets cured, or is that the one you get forever? Yeah, you cure it. You get a little shot of penicillin. That's the one they did in Boardwalk Empire where they had to shoot this thing up your

dick hole and pull it, strain it all out. So let's stop and think about that. There's probably a lot of money in treating gonorrhea. Think about the amount of money. What if we found out that the medicine responsible for treating gonorrhea was also responsible for commercials that shows chicks acting like whores? Like you thought they were selling Nikes, but really they're selling pussy

because it's partially sponsored by the gonorrhea medication. That is trying to get them going. Yeah, like there's dudes by the gonorrhea medication that is trying to get them going yeah like there's dudes that are gonorrhea mercenaries and they go out there they give them gonorrhea

and then there's like the guys that are studs they just can fuck a lot of bitches and they create like a whole infest a whole town with gonorrhea

just so they can sell the medication like the guy from Cluris who's trying to sell people to stop smoking so he can chew gum and they found out he's from the

Chuli gum factory oh really yeah oh that's hilarious yeah that would be hilarious if they were doing that to spread disease yeah Trying to tell people to stop smoking so you can chew gum. And they found out he's from the Chuli Gum Factory. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. Yeah, that would be hilarious if they were doing that to spread disease. Yeah. Bring down girls. They make porn everywhere.

They try to just make it have more gonorrhea. Well, you know, that's a weird thing about the strange groups of, like, the branch-off groups of gay people. What do you mean branch-off? You know, those weird branches, those, uh, what, what,

what is the expression? Not branch off, but, uh, whatever. When, when, when I'm talking about is bug chasers.

Oh, oh, you want, yeah. Dudes who go out and try to get HIV positive. They want guys to shoot loads in their ass and make them HIV positive. It's like, what?

They're so tied in with like, this is a gay disease grids. Yeah. That's like, what? They're so tied in with like, this is a gay disease. Grids. Yeah, that is a crazy request, though. That's my favorite thing. The idea that you want to go and get AIDS. Wow. Like, you're trying to go out and get HIV. Like, what?

But that just goes to show you that there's that many crazy people. People are so fucking nuts. There's a certain amount of people that want to tattoo their face and stretch out their lips and stretch out their ears. There's a certain amount of people that want to fucking pierce their dicks. There's a certain amount of people that want AIDS. I saw two people with those giant, like those big round, like half dollar or full coin dollar size earrings in.

Yeah. They really pushed it out. A guy and a girl. And the guy came up to me after Portland and said hi and stuff. And I was like, are you guys together? Both with your crazy ears. Yeah. Yeah, this restaurant that we were at in Montana, the dude who was working there has ears like that.

Can your ears go back? No. No, you have to get them stitched up. Oh. Yeah, that's no joke. Oh. That's pretty serious. I mean, literally, they have to go in and they have to pull your fucking meat together

and stitch it up. And they probably have to cut some of it off. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You would have to cut some of it off. You'd have to cut some of it off. Peeker. Yeah, it's fucking gross, man.

It's a weird thing that people want to do. Like, I saw this pretty girl the other day. She's really pretty. She came to the show and afterwards she had this giant ring in her nose, like a bull ring. I hate it. Oh, massive one. Yeah. I it yeah i was like that i mean it's aesthetics i'm not into it i'm not into it so i can't like your girl tattoos though right yeah i don't know yeah that's pretty hot it's hot yeah especially if they're good it's good work yeah if it's good clear and it's red and black not just all black it's like oh yeah yeah and it also shows she's just dirty yeah she's just getting drilled on

she could take the pain that's a girl could take a serious fucking you know girls who like complain a lot about stuff yeah who's got their phone on 20 fucks that was one of the weirdest thing man is this little thing called vibrate and i forgot about it that's one of the weirdest things about being there was no cell phone no email no no nothing for for five yeah that must have been cool it was strange you got a lot of energy man i wonder how much just from that not the being outside it's probably the air it's probably all the above all the above i think it's walking around i left my phone at home last night for four hours at this connery store and it was like but i did it on purpose i was like now let me

leave it here to charge whoa and it was like i'll be okay at fucking 11 p.m at night to whenever and you're talking about like down the street from your house yeah so it's like nobody yeah but you still got to concentrate on it yeah we're eventually going to become a symbiotic machine we're going to be part machine i think so yeah it's just going that way yeah it would have to be we're already connected to your phone. I mean, what difference does it make if they told you that we have a new phone that's more effective if you don't carry it? We insert it into your thigh and they figure it away.

Oh, by the way, Brian, we're going to be able to upload all the shows live on YouTube as well now and we'll be able to stream them on YouTube. We've got a new thing going on. Are we leaving you to stream? No, no, no. We've got a new thing going on. Are we leaving YouTube? No, we're going to do it at the same time. Simultaneous. How about that? That's possible, right? Yeah.

Two feeds? Two video feeds? We've got to get some hardcore bandwidth. We're going to get, I guess, two computers or something. I don't know. Let's try it. Let's see if we can try it. Otherwise, we can at least upload them. We can start uploading them to YouTube. Yeah.

The problem I have with YouTube is that I've always tried to do the live streaming thing. And it never works right. Really? It crashes a lot. Maybe we could try it. We'll try it. We'll see what's up. I don't know what my internet's like at the new place.

We won't see until they're putting the bricks on the walls this week i'm making it fancy folks making it like uh billy joel's italian restaurant that's the theme bottle red bottle white whatever kind of mood you're in tonight uh yeah i just thought that uh they they can get bricks first of all the reason there's two reasons for putting bricks in the wall the number number one reason is to Joey Diaz the room. What the fuck? I got a Joey Diaz proof this cocksucker. There's a business next door

and I don't want Joey screaming through the walls. I don't think it would show up, so I'm taking significant steps to deaden some of the sound in the room and one of them is to put up a brick wall.

You know what would have been cheaper? Yeah. It would have been cheaper to just get a big bubble one of those bubble boy bubbles for joey diaz and just have to walk around like a hamster plastic tent just going for it yeah i'm uh they take bricks that they like wreck a building and they take bricks and they slice the veneer off the brick and they put that on a regular wall

so it adds like another wall layer you know so i figured that would be uh pretty good to uh prevent some sound and then i'm also got these curtains that are going up that have like a sound deadening backing to them okay putting those up as well yeah and uh i'm just taking it's taking some time folks but it's because i'm doing it while i'm doing all these other things at the same time how long do you think if you're the guests here over under this week is going to be the bricks to be done. The desk is done. So I have all the equipment in. So not that bad.

Once the bricks are up on the wall and I got the wall painted. Before the end of the year? Yeah, I think so. I think in December. I think my goal is before we do the end of the world show with Honey Honey and Diaz and Stanhope, that we do a podcast like the night before. That would be my goal is to open up the studio that week and do a podcast there the night before. But once we have it up and running, it's going to be just – I just wanted to get a place that's going to be a place that I can kind of completely control the environment

and make it like as cool inside as i can you know set it up as technologically perfect technically perfect a really nice big desk and and have it uh fairly close to uh this place has really become fucking high tech yeah well no just the decor i mean it's really it's like. It's like a clubhouse. This is inside Brian's brain. Yeah, this is. If you could open up his brain with a can opener, the Hitler zombie would pop right out. I had a crazy ass dream the other night, man. A weird alpha brain dream that I was on.

What do you got there, fella? Coke Zero. Your tail? Okay. This man's almost 40. Clutching a Coke Zero like he's in prison are you going trick or treating with the fam

oh yeah bro that's a cool part of Halloween that I would do we did it we went trick or treating in Disneyland oh wow did people come through

your neighborhood and do it we did it yeah yeah yeah we're gonna go we're gonna go walk the neighborhood too what day is that

the community that I live in has like a little thing Wednesday they have like a little party they have like a little live DJ and stuff it's kind of fun Wednesday Wednesday's the day that i have to turn off all my lights and not answer my door why why is that because it's annoying you just turn it off it's so candy

like no kenny's mine i have like feels died ding dong ding dong ding dong yeah i'm flying to calgary this year on halloween i got out of out of it. They want to fly there the day before, but it's Halloween. I was like, oh, fuck yeah. Wow. Let's do that. Yeah. You're working where? I can avoid it.

What's the club in Calgary? Yuck Yucks. Oh, powerful Yuck Yucks. Ladies and gentlemen, head on out to see Ari motherfucking Shafir. You were with me in Calgary, right, this year? Yeah. Yeah. It was cool.

I'll get a lot of people come from that show. That was only 20 minutes. It'll be an hour. Yeah. Yeah. And I bet you have a lot of new shit anyway. You've been working on a lot of shit, right? I'm starting to.

That's one of the cool things about everybody doing all these shows and putting out CDs like yours and Joey's is that we're constantly putting in new material. Yeah. It's fun. It gives you a good reason to. Yeah. I feel very challenged. It feels fun.

I haven't really felt like this since Open M to. Yeah, I feel very challenged, you know? Yeah. It feels fun. I haven't really felt like this since Open Mike's. Yeah. I don't know how it was in Boston, but in LA, it was the same people seeing you all the time. So really, every week,

you had to have something new or you're an asshole. You know? We're getting a lot of these people that are just like, you know, that are coming to a lot of the shows. Yeah, at least every year.

It's a crazy little Grateful Dead thing going on. It's weird. People are flying. For me and Joey in Chicago, November 8th, by the way, people are flying in. People are making meetups and stuff. Of course they are. I love that shit.

We're going to have to figure out our own Gathering of the Juggalos type situation. Duncan wants to do it in the desert, man. I want to go out with Manson! Guys! I'm telling you! The Palm Springs area! We'll get handed so many mushrooms if we do that.

Let's go to Joshua Tree, man! Let's fucking do it! I can't believe we did that! Joe, would you ever do this? The guy Postapoc, I've talked about him before. He's like... Postapocalyptic? Postapoc.com guy.

What is he? He's the one that sent me that package once where I thought it was a bomb or something. And it just ended up being a really cool pipe that he made. He's always sending me like cool things. Anyways, he goes to thrift stores and buys old bottles of sodas. Here, let me get to the point. And he drinks them. So this is like an eight, like a 70 year old bottle of grape soda.

Dude, I did. I just heard Coca original. It's flat as shit, right? Well, it's acid-y and shit like that. Is that his artwork in the background? Yeah, I think so. That is a badass picture. The dude with the gas mask.

Dude, his website's really badass. By the way, the new Higher Primate gas mask monkey shirt is available. And plus pictures of... Go to higher-primate.com. But he drinks it and he says it tastes like copper almost. Okay, well, let's let him talk. Okay. Instead of a rubber gasket, it's real cork. Wow.

You have a little cork, real cork wood disc inside the bottle cap. I thought that was botulism or fungus of some kind when I first opened it. I thought we were going to have to end this video early. We held this up to the light. We saw no floaties. What was he talking about? No monsters or little squids or anything. Is he talking about himself?

Him and his personality. Wow. Him and the camera guy. He's like Roy Jones Jr. Smells strongly like grape Dynatap. I mean, super strong grape flavor. This could be fermented to all hell, and I could pour this down my throat,

and you'll see it just burn right through my Death Squad shirt right here. Are we watching a guy just drinking soda? Yeah, but it's like from 1947. 1947. Yeah, but it's from 1947. Alright, it tastes like grape-flavored nasty pond water. That really wasn't interesting. Yeah, I just thought it was weird.

I mean, would you do that? I would never do that. I drank a bottle of Coke Original. I had these three of them saved from when I i was little little really yeah what it tastes like super flat coke super flat coke pretty much just coke he ends up puking slightly off but not much of course does he really yeah he's a silly bitch you're not supposed to drink that why are you drinking that well i don't understand why people would like think that it's interesting to drink something gross that's been around for a long time. If it could last that long, like a wine,

then sure, whatever. But if it can't last that long, then what are you doing? It's gone rotten. That's a weird thing that people do with wines. Keep wines around for hundreds of years and then drink them. I love it. That sounds like hoarding behavior. It's like there's only a few left. Just don't. You gotta wait.

That's what I do with weeds now. I'll have like a few different strains of weed. And if it would be good, I'll go through half of it right away. And then I'll be like, oh, I only have like half of it left. So when it gets like slower that I use it, and then I only go back to it every couple of months. You hoard it. I'm like the last of the Maui Waui. Let's just slow it down a little.

Why would you do that when you just get more? I always sort of forget that I can go get more. I don't want it to be gone. That's a problem living in parts of the country that's not like california yeah the world really would change if the rest of the country was like colorado and california those are the two places where you can get weed anywhere do they not shut down dispensaries in colorado no only only here yeah they shut them down a lot more here i'm sure they have shut down some of them in colorado we're a lot more like

on the radar they're a lot of they're on the radar in colorado man there's a lot of people but people point to us here but it's more accepted and i think it's more accepted by the people in colorado than it is the people of la the people of la this is a little bit of a battle in portland it was just everywhere oh yeah everyone because they're all fucking nature boys too so they all grow shit it's part of their garden like yeah i'll have a weed plant too everyone likes their own weed it's it's smart smart places in smart places look i'm not pro i'm not pro drugs period because some drugs are fucking terrible i'm not pro pills i'm not pro meth i'm not pro that but if you're not pro weed you have to be a fucking idiot if you if you really think there's something wrong with it and it's bad for society you got to be an idiot or you're not pro-weed, you have to be a fucking idiot. If you really think there's something wrong with it and it's bad for society, you've got to be an idiot.

Or you're ignorant. You don't understand what's really going on with it because what's really going on is not a bad thing. It's a humbling thing. Everybody could use a little bit of humbling. Sure, there's going to be some people that just sit around and smoke pot all day and don't get anything done. But that's a psychological problem. They have issues. That issue could

manifest itself that way or it could manifest itself by them being perpetually late or it could manifest they could fucking sabotage themselves people have weird issues so they could sabotage themselves with weed or with anything else they choose to do it with that doesn't mean that it can't be used the right way yeah what do you think people are burnouts because of weed or they're just burnouts and then they just go to weed? I think they're burnouts for weed. The weed helps it along too.

Well, anything can help you along if you don't have any resolve. If you don't have any fucking desire to accomplish things in life. If you smoke that shit weed. It's a little bit of that. That's a lot of it. You have some good stuff. Smoke that chronic dog. Some people it just doesn't mix well also.

That's true too. Look, people it just doesn't mix well, also. That's true, too. Yeah, there's some people where everything... Look, people get fucking sick if you give them nuts. Kathy Tanaka could not get high. Yeah, I heard about that. I've heard of that. Oh, I told you about it? Yeah.

It's amazing. Yeah. I heard that works with DMT, too. Certain people just can't. DMT just doesn't work on them. Small percentage of people, but every now and then. I heard somebody went to a float lab, and she was like, no, really any hallucinating it was just like yeah a float lab that's a floating tank or whatever yeah that takes some time the float tank is not it's not like instant hallucinations

you got to really get comfortable with letting go and like you finding like the center of your thoughts that's not easy it's easy to distract yourself so what would you try to do you got to get strong mentally you have to learn how to meditate. When you get into a float tank, it's not as simple as you get in there and you start tripping. Because you get in there, you're still thinking, oh my god, I'm floating. Oh my god, this feels weird. Where's the side? It's right here. Oh, my balls itch.

You start thinking a bunch of different things. You have to have control of your mind. It's not as simple as you get in the float tank, boom, you have hallucinations. You have to get in the float tank and you got to start that process on your own. You have to center yourself. You have to concentrate only on your breath. Drop everything slowly but surely.

Remove all the layers of consciousness, all the layers of letting go until you get to the center. And that's when you start having these crazy visionary experiences. That's kind of like the same thing on mushrooms. It's like when you're talking to your friends and laughing and stuff, it's fine. You don't have to listen to it. And then you just stop and look up at the stars and just don't talk or listen to anyone. That's when you start seeing shit. Yeah.

This guy just was telling me the other day about the same thing. He went and he was more of just like, all right, I'm just bored. I'm just laying here. This is really stupid. Oh, really? Yeah. If you don't know how to use it, it's like anything you know you have to learn how to relax centering your thoughts oh yeah you for the idea behind the sensory deprivation tank is that there's no input coming in and when

there's no input coming in you could just sit there and go oh this sucks i'm bored or you could just slowly let go of all your consciousness to the point where you are just your mind untethered from culture, from any interactive experience with nature, with gravity, with seeing things or hearing things or touching things. You're removed from all sensory input. And when you do that, you can have very clear and intense thoughts. And you can also have some pretty powerful hallucinations if you allow yourself to manifest those ideas. But you have to learn how to let go to do that. You can't just get in there. It doesn't just happen

right away. You start thinking about your life. You start thinking about things that you can't avoid. You start thinking about things that have been bothering you. Maybe things you don't like about yourself. No, not necessarily. I mean, it depends on what's going on in your head. But for the most part, weed just sort of accentuates experience. I've done a small version of this on planes recently

where I've just taken some pot cookie or something. It's going to be a long flight. And just say, I'm not getting anything done here. But I'm not tired. It's when I've slept and it's like a 2 p.m. flight or something. Then I just look out the window and I just stare out the window and I just let my mind just go the entire time. Yeah, that's the only way I really get blasted these days is on planes.

And the scenery enough from the outside can help you just start a synapse going a little bit. Sure. Also, it's like the only time I don't have any responsibilities. I don't have to take care of my kids. I don't have to be sober. There's no Wi-Fi in the plane. It's even even better it's like i can't do anything yeah it's a great way to write to 10 minutes about the yeah well i'll leave i'll leave a notebook on my lap and just like if i get a thought that i'm like oh that could work as then i quickly write it down i type so much better than i write really i hardly write anything

anymore and i could type pretty quick i type really really quick now. So I have to type. But I like it, man. I really love writing on planes. It's one of my favorite things. I write some of my best shit ever on planes. Yeah. High as fuck. I've really started flying later now so I can do that.

Yeah. Because it is a good place to just get away from everything. Get things done. Yeah. Yeah. When you're sitting in that seat, you've got nowhere to go and you've got that laptop open. You can get to work. I slept till noon.

I'm not cranky. And then it's just like now it's yeah don't you do you feel now that you're having all the success and things are going well you feel like even more motivated like you're like fucking really hustling now and really putting in the work yeah doing more stuff yeah doing more isn't it funny my next thing like how like like motion begets more motion yeah Yeah, people are a force of habit. Yeah. I think that's what it is. And when people don't work out all the time, it's just like that's your habit. And when people don't all the time, then that's your habit.

Yeah, and that's one thing that people have kept telling me over and over again from this podcast. One of the things they've pulled from it is that it's changed the way they sort of address and approach things. And people, you know, sometimes people just need to hear something. And that's like one of the reasons why I love that book, The War of Art. I probably understand and have thought most of the things in that book on my own independently. I think a lot of creative people are. You can't piece it together. It's not that you can't piece it together.

Sometimes you need to read it again. You need to see it again. You need to be reminded again. You need to. Well, it's clearer when it's written out or when you can actually see it. Or when it's spelled out or when someone says says it in a way that resonates with you know how you you feel about the world and i think that's one way that we can all help each other in a way that no one of past generations was able to do one of the different things about this sort of a medium

like a podcast medium contact with everyone in the world quick contact with everyone in the world and you can express things in a way that you really couldn't do if you were sponsored by Palmolive or fucking Toyota Trucks. You know, it's like you would have never gotten all this information out as clearly as we're doing it right now. Yeah, just saying it. Yeah. Strange times, Ari Shaffir.

Powerful Ari Shaffir of the Skeptic Tank on iTunes. This is my podcast. You dirty, dirty bitches check out ari's podcast and buy his i had mike young last time oh how dare you it was so good what happened he just talks about how he's able to fucking well to fuck so much and how he's always had that power well he's a smooth talker. Dude, he's amazing. Smooth operator. Smooth operator. Yeah, check out my website, rethegreat.com. Please.

My dates are on there. Say please check out my website. Please check out my website. I'll be in Chicago and New York. Say you love me and I'll love you back. And love me and I'll love you back. Yeah. And Edmonton.

And you just got done doing a fucking return homecoming gig in the place where you started. And you came back as a conquering hero. That felt good, dude. I bet it did. You know how it's like at any level, no matter where you are, there's certain shows that are just important to you. And it might not be because of money or anything. You wanted to let everybody know. That's where you started.

Yeah. I had a bunch of friends from high school came out. It was kind of cool. My aunt came. That's awesome. And people were like, oh it's like way different than last time i was like yeah i wrote a new hour you're fucking professional now yeah i felt real professional you're legit too legit to quit hey hey okay this weekend you fucking freaks

san francisco at the knob hill masonic center that is november the 2nd on friday and then saturday night the mo Moore Theater in Seattle, and that shit is sold out. Both nights will be Brian Redband and Greg motherfucking Fitzsimmons with me. So we're going to have some fun. San Francisco and Seattle, you dirty bitches. Tomorrow, the great Duncan Trussell

will join us on the podcast. Boom. Holla at your boy. We will also have a podcast on Wednesday. I'm not sure who it's going to be. We're working on a couple different guests. That's, what? If you go to my website, if you're poor, We also have a podcast on Wednesday. I'm not sure who it's going to be. We're working on a couple different guests. If you go to my website, if you're poor,

I'm giving away four free tracks of my CD. Look at that. It's a great CD. From Ari. Of course it is. That was why I was number one on iTunes. Thank you all. Validation. Thank you all very much.

Buy it again. Let's see if we can bring that shit back to number one again. I think we can do it. Back to number one. I'm going to go buy one as soon as I get off the phone i'm not on the phone how many fuck am i talking about this podcast is brought to you by ting.com go to rogan.ting.com and you will save 50 dollars off of any android device that they have and they have regular cell phones too if you're one of those fucking weirdos just wants to not be able to get on the internet on your phone.

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I definitely got a joke on. Go to Onnit.com. O-N-N-I-T. Use the code name Rogan and save yourself 10% off any supplements that includes Hemp Force, the delicious hemp protein powder with maca and raw cocoa. It's fucking delicious. With Stevie, only one gram of sugar per serving. We don't even add that. It's just what's in the hemp and all the juicy good shit that we put in it.

All right. That's just what's in the hemp and all the juicy good shit that we put in it. All right. That's the end of the podcast. Thank you very much for tuning in. Thanks for all the positive tweets. Thanks for all the love. Thank you for everybody that's come to my shows. I appreciate it. Yeah.

Thank you to anybody who comes to all of our shows. We appreciate the fuck out of you guys. Death Squad, Ohio. Death Squad rolls on, bitches. Oh, Death Squad, Ohio is November 11th. It's sold out, right? No. It's 8th, 9th, and 10th. and only the 8 o'clock Columbus show is sold out.

Okay, so which one, what date is sold out? Columbus First Show, I believe, is the one. And what date is that, though? I think that's the 10th. The 10th, okay. So the 8th and 9th are sold out. So 8th and 9th are sold out. And go to DeathSquad.TV, and you can also pick up some super sexy kitty cat t-shirts.

It's two Columbus shows, one Dayton, one Cincinnati. And by the way, Tom Segura is going. And if you haven't seen Tom, he is fucking on fire right now, too. He's one of the best in the country. He really is. He's awesome. And Tony Hinchcliffe as well? Tony Hinchcliffe is going to be on a couple.

And so is Doug Benson. An excellent show, ladies and gentlemen. An excellent show ladies and gentlemen And also if you go to deskwad.tv You can pick up some of Brian's funky Psychedelic kitty cats And know that's not a Wendy sign The fuck are you talking about They changed their logo the other day

Good they better Dirty bitches Powerful White Castle is in the house as well Shout out to White Castle Give Shout out to White Castle. Give it up for black people in general. I have given up on the Olive Garden.

They do not want me to support them, but White Castle has been supporting me by giving me t-shirts. I think that, believe it or not, the Olive Garden

is too white for Brian Redman. Yeah. They're too white. White Castle's cool, though. We'll be back tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. We didn't make it to family,

but it's over with the Olive Garden. We love the fucking shit out of you people. We'll see you soon. We're too white. White Castle's cool, though. We'll be back tomorrow, ladies and gentlemen. We didn't make it to family, but it's over with the Outlaw Carton. We love the fucking shit out of you people. We'll see you soon. We're not going anywhere. We're gonna roll on. We're taking it to the next level. I don't even know

what I'm saying. This is the best ending I've ever heard. I fucking love you bitches. Thank you.